# Is she cheating on me with men from country club?



## Driedlove

My fiancé and I have been in long distance relationship for four years. We just got engaged recently. My biggest problem is my trust with her, because she seems to love going to the country club so much. 

At a country club, called Grizzly Rose, she goes there because she likes to go out to have fun and dance with her friends. She likes to call it "girl's night out". 

What kind of dance do they do at country clubs? I've never been there in my life, so I have to know.

Why go there when they offer free drinks to (only) women on Thursday nights? Mind you, that place is only open for ages 18 and up on Thursday nights as well.

Free drinks for all women means more women go there. If there are more women, then more men go there to pick up girls. 

I'm becoming more uncomfortable with my fiancé going there, because I caught a few posts (in this site and various other sites about cheating) mentioning about some cheating wives making love with random guys from country clubs. 

My fiancé said she drank wine there at the club, which got me more freaked out. 

I have to know if a country club is a MEAT MARKET??? A place for girls to make love with strange men while they're drunk?? 

She and I have been planning on moving in together, and we found a place. I'm not excited to move in to live with her now, because of how strange it is for her to want to go to the country club so bad.


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## GusPolinski

Eh... not enough info, and too much rampant speculation that doesn't appear to be backed up by _specific_ concerns w/ respect to your fiancée's behavior.

GNO's once a week? Perhaps a yellow flag (_maybe_ orange) on its own, but not really a red flag unless accompanied by other red flag behavior. Unfortunately, since you're in a long distance relationship, it won't be easy for you to pick up on other possible flags.

To answer your other question, though... yes, clubs in general are more or less "meat markets", and that's especially the case on "free drinks for the ladies" nights. But is _everyone_ attending these events engaged in inappropriate behavior? No.


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## weightlifter

Top link in my signature. All you need to find out.
Oh, and Gus is iur phone diety for that end of investigation.


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## ThePheonix

Driedlove said:


> My fiancé and I have been in long distance relationship for four years.


Dawg, here's a rule of thumb. If a chick is that into you and if you into her, ya'll won't be in a long distance relationship. Chicks are going to go out and have fun. Fun often and usually involves the opposite sex. If she can't have fun with you because of the distance and other guys that talk just as sweet as you are around; well you get the picture.


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## the guy

You should be concerned....most country clubs have professional athletes that will give private lesson to the club members and it's not uncommon for the relationship to grow into an affair.

An old neighbor was a tennis pro and while working at the country club he would brag about all the chicks he banged at work....


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## kristin2349

the guy said:


> You should be concerned....most country clubs have professional athletes that will give private lesson to the club members and it's not uncommon for the relationship to grow into an affair.
> 
> An old neighbor was a tennis pro and while working at the country club he would brag about all the chicks he banged at work....



He is talking about a Country Bar, so a "meat market" just the same but with no membership fee...I won't comment on the music>


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## Satya

ThePheonix said:


> Dawg, here's a rule of thumb. If a chick is that into you and if you into her, ya'll won't be in a long distance relationship. Chicks are going to go out and have fun. Fun often and usually involves the opposite sex. If she can't have fun with you because of the distance and other guys that talk just as sweet as you are around; well you get the picture.


Depends on what the nature of the distance is.

I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex Husband before we were married. I was in the US and he in the UK. Then I moved there and we were married for 8 years before the bomb got dropped on me.

It's not so much about the distance but her ACTIONS while they are apart. That much I totally agree with in your post.

I never went out to clubs because I had respect for the relationship. It's not that I wasn't "into" my ex Husband at the time, it's that I had school to finish before I was ready to move.

OP, what are her girlfriends like? Are they toxic? Are they of good moral character and look out for each other? This will have a big effect on her behavior when going out. I'd start by looking at the kinds of women she's going out with.


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## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> Eh... not enough info, and too much rampant speculation that doesn't appear to be backed up by _specific_ concerns w/ respect to your fiancée's behavior.
> 
> GNO's once a week? Perhaps a yellow flag (_maybe_ orange) on its own, but not really a red flag unless accompanied by other red flag behavior. Unfortunately, since you're in a long distance relationship, it won't be easy for you to pick up on other possible flags.
> 
> To answer your other question, though... yes, clubs in general are more or less "meat markets", and that's especially the case on "free drinks for the ladies" nights. But is _everyone_ attending these events engaged in inappropriate behavior? No.


Okay, I'll explain in detail on why I have much higher suspicion with her going there. In January of last year, when she and I were still in a relationship, she had an intercourse with another man behind my back. That was just 2 or 3 weeks before I flew in to visit her. She never told me anything about her cheating on me at the time. Not only that, but she got pregnant from him. Soon after her son's birth, she gave her son up for open adoption, because I refused to be living with her and take care of her son who isn't biologically mine. Her cousins (who can't get pregnant) are now legally adopting her baby.

While she was pregnant, she hardly went to Grizzly Rose. At one time, I visited her in the summer when she was about 5 months pregnant, she wanted to go to Grizzly Rose, and I told her I could go with her there. She changed her mind, and decided not to go. 

Since her son's birth, she started attending the country club more often.

She's been talking about how she didn't care about other guys, and that I'm much better than them. She's been saying that I will be a great dad, and that I'm a super nice guy. (bad sign)

Two weeks ago, the next morning after she went to the country club, she texted me that two guys went up to her and they didn't know how to sign to her (she's deaf), and the guys left. Why didn't she text me that at night when she was at the club? Why did she text me about them in the morning? 

You may think the fact that she's attending there is innocent, but to me, it just doesn't feel right, no matter how hard I tried to ignore my gut.


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## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> Okay, I'll explain in detail on why I have much higher suspicion with her going there. In January of last year, when she and I were still in a relationship, she had an intercourse with another man behind my back. That was just 2 or 3 weeks before I flew in to visit her. She never told me anything about her cheating on me at the time. Not only that, but she got pregnant from him. Soon after her son's birth, she gave her son up for open adoption, because I refused to be living with her and take care of her son who isn't biologically mine. Her cousins (who can't get pregnant) are now legally adopting her baby.
> 
> While she was pregnant, she hardly went to Grizzly Rose. At one time, I visited her in the summer when she was about 5 months pregnant, she wanted to go to Grizzly Rose, and I told her I could go with her there. She changed her mind, and decided not to go.
> 
> Since her son's birth, she started attending the country club more often.
> 
> She's been talking about how she didn't care about other guys, and that I'm much better than them. She's been saying that I will be a great dad, and that I'm a super nice guy. (bad sign)
> 
> Two weeks ago, the next morning after she went to the country club, she texted me that two guys went up to her and they didn't know how to sign to her (she's deaf), and the guys left. Why didn't she text me that at night when she was at the club? Why did she text me about them in the morning?
> 
> You may think the fact that she's attending there is innocent, but to me, it just doesn't feel right, no matter how hard I tried to ignore my gut.


Ah.

Do what you should've done in January of last year and dump her.


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## MarriedDude

Follow your gut. 
That little voice inside you is there for a reason.

Dating, then the early relationship is practice for marriage.....given the track record- she didn't make the cut.

Move on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Driedlove

Satya said:


> Depends on what the nature of the distance is.
> 
> I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex Husband before we were married. I was in the US and he in the UK. Then I moved there and we were married for 8 years before the bomb got dropped on me.
> 
> It's not so much about the distance but her ACTIONS while they are apart. That much I totally agree with in your post.
> 
> I never went out to clubs because I had respect for the relationship. It's not that I wasn't "into" my ex Husband at the time, it's that I had school to finish before I was ready to move.
> 
> OP, what are her girlfriends like? Are they toxic? Are they of good moral character and look out for each other? This will have a big effect on her behavior when going out. I'd start by looking at the kinds of women she's going out with.


Her girlfriends are not that bad, but ONE of her girlfriends is probably the worst influence on her, I think. To protect her identity, I'm just going to call her girlfriend Sara. Sara is a model and does modeling for a living. Sara's boyfriend makes good money as well. Sara seems to hate my relationship with my fiancé, because she has complained about me dating her before. She was quite rude to me when I met her at one time. Sara likes to party, going to hookah lounges, bars, and clubs. Sara is the one who drives my fiancé to the country club every Thursday. It's always Sara and my fiancé there, none of my fiancé's other friends go there with them. 

Also, my fiancé likes to hang out with guy friends. She was raised as the only sister among her brothers in the family. Her hanging out with guy friends are okay, but I caught few of her guy friends groping on her, or talking dirty about her in the past, before she and I started dating.


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## Marc878

Driedlove said:


> Okay, I'll explain in detail on why I have much higher suspicion with her going there. In January of last year, when she and I were still in a relationship, she had an intercourse with another man behind my back. That was just 2 or 3 weeks before I flew in to visit her. She never told me anything about her cheating on me at the time. Not only that, but she got pregnant from him. Soon after her son's birth, she gave her son up for open adoption, because I refused to be living with her and take care of her son who isn't biologically mine. Her cousins (who can't get pregnant) are now legally adopting her baby.
> 
> While she was pregnant, she hardly went to Grizzly Rose. At one time, I visited her in the summer when she was about 5 months pregnant, she wanted to go to Grizzly Rose, and I told her I could go with her there. She changed her mind, and decided not to go.
> 
> Since her son's birth, she started attending the country club more often.
> 
> She's been talking about how she didn't care about other guys, and that I'm much better than them. She's been saying that I will be a great dad, and that I'm a super nice guy. (bad sign)
> 
> Two weeks ago, the next morning after she went to the country club, she texted me that two guys went up to her and they didn't know how to sign to her (she's deaf), and the guys left. Why didn't she text me that at night when she was at the club? Why did she text me about them in the morning?
> 
> You may think the fact that she's attending there is innocent, but to me, it just doesn't feel right, no matter how hard I tried to ignore my gut.


Seriously?????? WTH would you want that in your life for?

If you like pain and suffering it'd be great.

Me, I'd run like hell in the opposite direction.


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## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> Ah.
> 
> Do what you should've done in January of last year and dump her.


I wanted to dump her, but she actually told me the truth about it possibly being another man's baby. I have not accused her of cheating on me at all. Because she told me the truth that she was having intercourse with another man (without ME telling her to tell me), I decided to stay with her. She also said it was rape, so it was another reason why it was very hard for me to break up with her since. She also has restraining order against him since her son was born (proof of DNA that the other man is the father). 

The reason why I said she CHEATED is because I caught pictures of that same man (who "raped" her and got her pregnant) in her ipad last month when she flew in to visit me. She told me she was only keeping these pictures of him to show her son once he grows up. Since last month, I started getting more and more suspicious about her.


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## MattMatt

the guy said:


> You should be concerned....most country clubs have professional athletes that will give private lesson to the club members and it's not uncommon for the relationship to grow into an affair.
> 
> An old neighbor was a tennis pro and while working at the country club he would brag about all the chicks he banged at work....


I think it is a line dancing outfit.


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## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> I wanted to dump her, but she actually told me the truth about it possibly being another man's baby. I have not accused her of cheating on me at all. Because she told me the truth that she was having intercourse with another man (without ME telling her to tell me), I decided to stay with her. She also said it was rape, so it was another reason why it was very hard for me to break up with her since. She also has restraining order against him since her son was born (proof of DNA that the other man is the father).
> 
> The reason why I said she CHEATED is because I caught pictures of that same man (who "raped" her and got her pregnant) in her ipad last month when she flew in to visit me. She told me she was only keeping these pictures of him to show her son once he grows up. Since last month, I started getting more and more suspicious about her.


"Hey, son! Wanna see some photographs of the man who raped me?"

That's so not a good idea.

May I suggest several options?

Rape counselling, marital counselling and a polygraph.


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## DavidWYoung

Really Really? This is the best you can do? Unless this is a joke you, MIGHT what to say the words "Bye!" Just my two cents. David


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## happy as a clam

Ok, curiosity got the better of me and I looked it up. Grizzly Rose is not a "country club" (as in golf, tennis and swimming). It's a giant Country-Western bar and saloon (as in drunks and mechanical bulls). Your country club description is a bit misleading.

Seeing how she already cheated and got pregnant, I would say the odds are pretty high she's doing it again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Driedlove

the guy said:


> You should be concerned....most country clubs have professional athletes that will give private lesson to the club members and it's not uncommon for the relationship to grow into an affair.
> 
> An old neighbor was a tennis pro and while working at the country club he would brag about all the chicks he banged at work....



Okay. That, right there... 

Last week, my fiancé did ask me if she could take courses to learn how to country dance since I told her to stop going to the country club last week. She answered me immediately after I said no, she said, "Okay. I will stop going. I was thinking of taking a class to learn how to country-dance. Will you let me go there?" I told her no way, and that I know they also have these courses at the country club (I looked into their site about it). She was diligent about taking a course and how much she loved dancing. She told me there were no guys there, only girls, then said there would be a group of girls and group of guys separated to learn dancing at the same time. I called bull on that one, and still told her no. 

Even right now, she's trying so hard to convince me to not worry about her going to that club.


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## Driedlove

happy as a clam said:


> Ok, curiosity got the better of me and I looked it up. Grizzly Rose is not a "country club" (as in golf, tennis and swimming). It's a giant Country-Western bar and saloon (as in drunks and mechanical bulls). Your country club description is a bit misleading.
> 
> Seeing how she already cheated and got pregnant, I would say the odds are pretty high she's doing it again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


... I feel really stupid. 

:frown2: 

It's how you described it that made it sound worst than how my fiancé described it to me. She definitely sugar-coated her description of that place.


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## happy as a clam

Driedlove said:


> ... I feel really stupid.
> 
> :frown2:
> 
> It's how you described it that made it sound worst than how my fiancé described it to me. She definitely sugar-coated her description of that place.


Well, just do a Google search. If it's the same place you're talking about, it's the first one that comes up on the search page.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> I wanted to dump her, but she actually told me the truth about it possibly being another man's baby. I have not accused her of cheating on me at all. Because she told me the truth that she was having intercourse with another man (without ME telling her to tell me), I decided to stay with her. She also said it was rape, so it was another reason why it was very hard for me to break up with her since. She also has restraining order against him since her son was born (proof of DNA that the other man is the father).
> 
> The reason why I said she CHEATED is because I caught pictures of that same man (who "raped" her and got her pregnant) in her ipad last month when she flew in to visit me. She told me she was only keeping these pictures of him to show her son once he grows up. Since last month, I started getting more and more suspicious about her.


:slap:

Give me a f*cking break. She's lying. So either learn to live w/ the fact that she'll continue to sleep w/ other men -- and probably even once you've moved in together -- or balls up and dump her.

And besides... why would you want to continue in a relationship w/ a woman who's willing to give up her flesh and blood child simply for the sake of staying w/ her boyfriend?

Seriously... if it weren't for the Internet I'd have a hard time believing that people can be so gullible.


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## FeministInPink

GusPolinski said:


> :slap:
> 
> Give me a f*cking break. She's lying. So either learn to live w/ the fact that she'll continue to sleep w/ other men -- and probably even once you've moved in together -- or balls up and dump her.
> 
> And besides... why would you want to continue in a relationship w/ a woman who's willing to give up her flesh and blood child simply for the sake of staying w/ her boyfriend?
> 
> Seriously... if it weren't for the Internet I'd have a hard time believing that people can be so gullible.


I agree. She has bad news written all over her.


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## MattMatt

FeministInPink said:


> I agree. She has bad news written all over her.


Could you learn to line dance and start taking her to the Grizzly Rose?


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## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> And besides... why would you want to continue in a relationship w/ a woman who's willing to give up her flesh and blood child simply for the sake of staying w/ her boyfriend?


I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to imply with that question. 

She only had to give up her baby for adoption, because her parents forced her to. She still lives with her parents, so she has to abide by their rules, or move out to keep the son. She could not afford to have a son, because she doesn't have a good paying job. Open adoption is all she could do to see her son. 

She still lives with her parents, but she's planning to move out to live in a condo. She just found the condo today, but it needs a month of remodeling before I move out to live with her.


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## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to imply with that question.
> 
> She only had to give up her baby for adoption, because her parents forced her to. She still lives with her parents, so she has to abide by their rules, or move out to keep the son. She could not afford to have a son, because she doesn't have a good paying job. Open adoption is all she could do to see her son.
> 
> She still lives with her parents, but she's planning to move out to live in a condo. She just found the condo today, but it needs a month of remodeling before I move out to live with her.


Be very, very careful about moving in with her.


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## workindad

OP- you don't trust, and she has proven that you shouldn't. Why the hell would you want to marry her? This sounds like a match made in hell.

Save yourself a lifetime of grief. Get the F-out now.

She told you she was having intercourse with another guy, then passed it off as rape? Was there a police report filed and charges pressed?


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## Driedlove

happy as a clam said:


> Well, just do a Google search. If it's the same place you're talking about, it's the first one that comes up on the search page.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's what I was doing before, but instead, I typed "COUNTRY CLUB", which got me a huge list of golf courses. I assumed Grizzly Rose was some type of a rare cowboy dancing club for all ages that sat next to the golf course. 

I swear, it took me HOURS to look for what the he!! a country club meant. 

If I had known it's a WESTERN BAR, then I would've found better details. 

Plus, Grizzly Rose site is quite sneaky with the way they described the place. They only explained mostly about cowboy singers. Again, I didn't look at every detail, just the events calendar. Ladies night on Thursdays is what stuck out to me. 

She just twisted the words and sugarcoated the f*** out of it, while I was having such a difficult time finding out what a country club really is. 

I had a hard time trusting her last week, and looked for a website of Grizzly Rose. In that site, I discovered about free drinks for women on Thursday nights, which is why my fiancé and I had a long three-day fight about it last week. 

My BIGGEST mistake of my relationship is trusting her TOO MUCH!! 

This WHOLE past year, I thought she went to an innocent cowboy dance club for all ages. Her friend even told me the kids went there, but I later realized her friend didn't know my fiancé went there on THURSDAYS instead of SUNDAYS. Sundays are the days when the kids are allowed to go to enjoy line dancing.


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## dash74

Driedlove said:


> Okay, I'll explain in detail on why I have much higher suspicion with her going there. In January of last year, when she and I were still in a relationship, she had an intercourse with another man behind my back. That was just 2 or 3 weeks before I flew in to visit her. She never told me anything about her cheating on me at the time. Not only that, but she got pregnant from him. Soon after her son's birth, she gave her son up for open adoption, because I refused to be living with her and take care of her son who isn't biologically mine. Her cousins (who can't get pregnant) are now legally adopting her baby.
> 
> While she was pregnant, she hardly went to Grizzly Rose. At one time, I visited her in the summer when she was about 5 months pregnant, she wanted to go to Grizzly Rose, and I told her I could go with her there. She changed her mind, and decided not to go.
> 
> Since her son's birth, she started attending the country club more often.
> 
> She's been talking about how she didn't care about other guys, and that I'm much better than them. She's been saying that I will be a great dad, and that I'm a super nice guy. (bad sign)
> 
> Two weeks ago, the next morning after she went to the country club, she texted me that two guys went up to her and they didn't know how to sign to her (she's deaf), and the guys left. Why didn't she text me that at night when she was at the club? Why did she text me about them in the morning?
> 
> You may think the fact that she's attending there is innocent, but to me, it just doesn't feel right, no matter how hard I tried to ignore my gut.


Hold the phone you need to kick this nasty b to the curb, hell just ghosts her you live in another town dont ever call her or go back to visit she made you a **** thank god she did not pin the kid on you this time and if the cheeting is not enough it does not say much about her to give the kid up for such a selfish reason (to keep you around) run very fast forest


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## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to imply with that question.
> 
> She only had to give up her baby for adoption, because her parents forced her to. She still lives with her parents, so she has to abide by their rules, or move out to keep the son. She could not afford to have a son, because she doesn't have a good paying job. Open adoption is all she could do to see her son.
> 
> She still lives with her parents, but she's planning to move out to live in a condo. She just found the condo today, but it needs a month of remodeling before I move out to live with her.


J. F. C.

So who's paying for the condo?

Wait... lemme guess...

The sucker that she roped into moving in w/ her.

(That'd be you, by the way.)


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## dash74

Driedlove said:


> I wanted to dump her, but she actually told me the truth about it possibly being another man's baby. I have not accused her of cheating on me at all. Because she told me the truth that she was having intercourse with another man (without ME telling her to tell me), I decided to stay with her. She also said it was rape, so it was another reason why it was very hard for me to break up with her since. She also has restraining order against him since her son was born (proof of DNA that the other man is the father).
> 
> The reason why I said she CHEATED is because I caught pictures of that same man (who "raped" her and got her pregnant) in her ipad last month when she flew in to visit me. She told me she was only keeping these pictures of him to show her son once he grows up. Since last month, I started getting more and more suspicious about her.


Wow a FRA too you hit the cluster jackpot


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## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> That's what I was doing before, but instead, I typed "COUNTRY CLUB", which got me a huge list of golf courses. I assumed Grizzly Rose was some type of a rare cowboy dancing club for all ages that sat next to the golf course.
> 
> I swear, it took me HOURS to look for what the he!! a country club meant.
> 
> If I had known it's a WESTERN BAR, then I would've found better details.
> 
> Plus, Grizzly Rose site is quite sneaky with the way they described the place. They only explained mostly about cowboy singers. Again, I didn't look at every detail, just the events calendar. Ladies night on Thursdays is what stuck out to me.
> 
> She just twisted the words and sugarcoated the f*** out of it, while I was having such a difficult time finding out what a country club really is.
> 
> I had a hard time trusting her last week, and looked for a website of Grizzly Rose. In that site, I discovered about free drinks for women on Thursday nights, which is why my fiancé and I had a long three-day fight about it last week.
> 
> My BIGGEST mistake of my relationship is trusting her TOO MUCH!!
> 
> This WHOLE past year, I thought she went to an innocent cowboy dance club for all ages. Her friend even told me the kids went there, but I later realized her friend didn't know my fiancé went there on THURSDAYS instead of SUNDAYS. Sundays are the days when the kids are allowed to go to enjoy line dancing.


You honestly thought that an establishment that a) calls itself the "Grizzly Rose" and b) has weekly "ladies nights" was a country club instead of a country western bar?

:slap:


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## dash74

Stop being this guy and dump her


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## Roselyn

Driedlove said:


> The reason why I said she CHEATED is because I caught pictures of that same man (who "raped" her and got her pregnant) in her ipad last month when she flew in to visit me. She told me she was only keeping these pictures of him to show her son once he grows up. Since last month, I started getting more and more suspicious about her.


Woman here. She cheated and she was not raped. She made a fool out of you. A rape victim would not keep pictures of her rapist! Wake up man! Your girlfriend is a Ho!

Workathome noted that The Grizzly Rose is a crazy bar in Denver, CO; not a country club!


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## Workathome

The Grizzly Rose is a crazy bar in Denver, CO.

It's definitely not a country club!


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## EleGirl

Are you talking about the Grizzly Rose in or near Denver? It's a country bar/club.

Country as in country music.

Not country club as in a private club where people pay huge amounts to be members.


Bar Denver | Country Bars | Country Nightclub & Dance Hall


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## Thundarr

You're not married yet and you have trust issues. Dude the writing is on the wall that this is not going to work. Either she's not the girl for you or you're just not cut out for long distance relationships. Just stop and use that grey matter between your ears.


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## EleGirl

Driedlove said:


> I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to imply with that question.
> 
> She only had to give up her baby for adoption, because her parents forced her to. She still lives with her parents, so she has to abide by their rules, or move out to keep the son. She could not afford to have a son, because she doesn't have a good paying job. Open adoption is all she could do to see her son.
> 
> She still lives with her parents, but she's planning to move out to live in a condo. She just found the condo today, but it needs a month of remodeling before I move out to live with her.


How old are the two of you?


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## sidney2718

Roselyn said:


> Woman here. She cheated and she was not raped. She made a fool out of you. A rape victim would not keep pictures of her rapist! Wake up man! Your girlfriend is a Ho!
> 
> Workathome noted that The Grizzly Rose is a crazy bar in Denver, CO; not a country club!


Man here. On the Grizzly Rose web page one not only finds that Thursday nights are ladies nights---with free drinks, but one also finds a higher cover charge for guys 18-20 as opposed to the charge for guys over 20.

Curious, isn't it? I wonder what the age of consent is on CO...


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## EleGirl

Driedlove said:


> Okay. That, right there...
> 
> Last week, my fiancé did ask me if she could take courses to learn how to country dance since I told her to stop going to the country club last week. She answered me immediately after I said no, she said, "Okay. I will stop going. I was thinking of taking a class to learn how to country-dance. Will you let me go there?" I told her no way, and that I know they also have these courses at the country club (I looked into their site about it). She was diligent about taking a course and how much she loved dancing. She told me there were no guys there, only girls, then said there would be a group of girls and group of guys separated to learn dancing at the same time. I called bull on that one, and still told her no.
> 
> Even right now, she's trying so hard to convince me to not worry about her going to that club.


I've been to lots of places like the one your gf goes to... some country, some disco, all kinds of venues. I'd usually go with other women. Not once did I pick up on a guy and have sex with him. Just because she goes does not mean that she's doing anything except what she tells you she is doing.

Though there is the pesky little detail of her getting pregnant. So you know that at least once something happened. Keep in mind that the reason that she told you that she was pregnant is that it's a bit hard to hide.

You do not trust you. Probably for good reasons. But the bottom line is that you do not trust her. Do not ever marry someone you do not trust. 

Your situation shows why long distance relationships are a very very bad idea.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

Post 1. Fiancé. Long distance. Not married.

Post 8. First sentence. January last year she cheats on you.


I have to be honest I read no further. No need to.

Ex her. Long distance? Change your phone number block her on Facebook. Have a beer and enjoy your life. The end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

ETA - I did read the rest. Good grief Charlie Brown


----------



## Driedlove

EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?


I'm 28, she's a year younger.


----------



## Driedlove

EleGirl said:


> Are you talking about the Grizzly Rose in or near Denver? It's a country bar/club.
> 
> Country as in country music.
> 
> Not country club as in a private club where people pay huge amounts to be members.
> 
> 
> Bar Denver | Country Bars | Country Nightclub & Dance Hall


 Which one is it?? I have no idea! Never been there in my life, so she played me in an unfair way.


----------



## happy as a clam

Driedlove said:


> Which one is it?? I have no idea! Never been there in my life, so she played me in an unfair way.


Here ya' go...

Grizzly Rose


----------



## tech-novelist

If this is not a joke, then it is still a joke in another sense.
If you're still in doubt, the answer is: dump her immediately. And get tested for STDs!


----------



## MountainRunner

I've worked as a bouncer in a popular rock n' roll nightclub back in the eighties in the SF East Bay. Places such as this are not conducive to establishing/maintaining/retaining a healthy relationship with a mate. She has already demonstrated behavior that resulted in a pregnancy and now wants to continue with said behavior. Hate to say this but...

kick her to the curb and get on with your life. You might also want to get some IC going for your own insecurity issues.


----------



## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> You honestly thought that an establishment that a) calls itself the "Grizzly Rose" and b) has weekly "ladies nights" was a country club instead of a country western bar?
> 
> :slap:


I had no idea they had "ladies night" until I found out last week...

My fiance never called it a country western bar. She only called it country club to keep me running in circles to look for the meaning of country club.


----------



## soccermom2three

Why is it so important to know the name of bar? Are you trying advertise the place or what? I think mentioning it once was good enough.


----------



## Driedlove

technovelist said:


> If this is not a joke, then it is still a joke in another sense.
> If you're still in doubt, the answer is: dump her immediately. And get tested for STDs!


I got tested for STD's two days ago. I'll find out my result by Monday. Hopefully it'll be good news. 

Yeah, she thought it was a joke. To me, it's not, because usually, a man is not really supposed to doubt his lover all the time, because then it wouldn't be love, right? 

She was just being really devious about this. No one should take advantage of someone's love like that.


----------



## OldWolf57

Is this your first girlfriend ???

I ask because for someone 28, you don't seem to have much life experience.


----------



## Driedlove

OldWolf57 said:


> Is this your first girlfriend ???
> 
> I ask because for someone 28, you don't seem to have much life experience.


Yes. She's my first girlfriend.


----------



## ThePheonix

Driedlove said:


> She just found the condo today, but it needs a month of remodeling *before I move out to live with her.*



This week my man, the sign is awarded to you. In a year, you'll understand why.


----------



## OldWolf57

I get the feeling you are not hearing what the posters are saying.
You guys are not even married, and she is lying already.
Then you add the toxic gf who hates you.

Dude, it's your life, but look at where you are posting at.
you guys are not married, but she has you here posting.

Plain old common sense says this is not going to work.


----------



## OldWolf57

Well getting to 28 without having had a relationship, seems a little off, but not impossible I guess.

Anyway,, it seems she is playing you D. Not saying this couldn't work, but the odds are against it.

The first thing she has to do is give up that gf for life.


----------



## OldWolf57

How did you meet her,,, a dating site ??


----------



## manfromlamancha

Interesting belletristik so far. Still waiting for the clowns and dwarves.


----------



## Chaparral

Check out her and her friends Facebook pictures, instagram etc.

Google Grizzly Rose images to see what goes on there. Bikini contests for one thing.

I tried to find a live cam but didn't see one.


----------



## Driedlove

I broke off the engagement, and broke up with her recently, because she asked me if we could have my old best friend (a guy who I knew from middle school) as our roommate once I eventually move in. She never mentioned anything about adding another roommate to live with us.

Told her to never talk to me again. She told me she loved me so much, and continued to call me to ask me what the heck is going on, but hung up every time she would ring my cell phone. I told her to stop sending me messages, stop flying to see me, stop skyping me, stop sending me pictures, and that I didn't want to see her ever, ever, ever again. Blocked her facebook, and her skype.


I don't feel so good doing any of that. Feels like I hurt an innocent girl.

Feels like I made a really stupid decision. What if she's actually innocent? 

Besides her pregnancy, I have no visual proof/evidence of her cheating on me behind my back.


----------



## Chaparral

Why did she want your friend to move in?


----------



## Driedlove

Chaparral said:


> Why did she want your friend to move in?


Because he was actually my best friend. He and I would hang out all the time when we were teenagers. After high school, he and I departed. We never saw each other for around 8 years now.

I find this extremely fishy because that same guy just moved to Colorado about a month ago. A month ago was when my ex started talking about an engagement and moving into a condo. 

Let's just say my worst fear is being cuckolded by my old best friend if I ever marry her.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

Driedlove said:


> Besides her pregnancy, I have no visual proof/evidence of her cheating on me behind my back.


Check please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## richie33

I dont get what the others are saying. She sounds like a keeper, no big deal that she got knocked up and had another mans baby while together. Also the cousin who is "adopting" the baby sounds believable. Its also sounds reasonable that a woman would keep pictures of her rapist to show the child of so called rapist his pics in the future. Whats the sign for gullible?


----------



## MattMatt

richie33 said:


> I dont get what the others are saying. She sounds like a keeper, no big deal that she got knocked up and had another mans baby while together. Also the cousin who is "adopting" the baby sounds believable. Its also sounds reasonable that a woman would keep pictures of her rapist to show the child of so called rapist his pics in the future. Whats the sign for gullible?


Sounds more like a kipper, to me...


----------



## Driedlove

OldWolf57 said:


> How did you meet her,,, a dating site ??


Met her in high school in Colorado. We were friends at first, but we weren't really that close. We flirted each other a lot, even after high school, though. After I graduated high school, I had to move to Las Vegas, then move to Nebraska. She and I still texted each other more over the years. Finally asked her to be my girlfriend, because she was the only one who responded to me instantly more than any other girls I texted to. 

The first year was nice, second year was pretty darn good, but the third and fourth year went downhill pretty bad. I think it's that b**** Sara who have been influencing her and brainwashing her two years ago.


----------



## OldWolf57

D, just let her go man. Why can't she move where you are, instead of you moving there ??


----------



## Thundarr

This thread is too Cliché, too absurd; too clueless.


----------



## Driedlove

OldWolf57 said:


> D, just let her go man. Why can't she move where you are, instead of you moving there ??


One major reason... her son. 

She wants to stay to keep seeing her son who is now in open adoption with her cousin. Her cousin is a lady who has muscular dystrophy who can't get pregnant, and can't walk, so she's the one adopting her son. 

That was very sweet of her to do that, wasn't it?


----------



## OldWolf57

Yeah that's good of her.


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> One major reason... her son.
> 
> She wants to stay to keep seeing her son who is now in open adoption with her cousin. Her cousin is a lady who has muscular dystrophy who can't get pregnant, and can't walk, so she's the one adopting her son.
> 
> That was very sweet of her to do that, wasn't it?


Oh, yes. She is a right saint and no mistake.


----------



## MattMatt

OldWolf57 said:


> D, just let her go man. Why can't she move where you are, instead of you moving there ??


He's finished with her. Apparently.

Just in case people don't know what type of music a country club might play, here is some:-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS4LCoh0VGQ


----------



## soccermom2three

Driedlove said:


> One major reason... her son.
> 
> She wants to stay to keep seeing her son who is now in open adoption with her cousin. Her cousin is a lady who has muscular dystrophy who can't get pregnant, and can't walk, so she's the one adopting her son.
> 
> That was very sweet of her to do that, wasn't it?


Yes, that's very sweet. How old is the woman adopting the baby?


----------



## Satya

Driedlove said:


> Yes. She's my first girlfriend.


Ex gf now, I hope.

Eta : oops, thought I was caught up, I obviously wasn't.


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> I had no idea they had "ladies night" until I found out last week...
> 
> My fiance never called it a country western bar. She only called it country club to keep me running in circles to look for the meaning of country club.


Sooo... yet another lie for the bank.

Have you dumped her yet?


----------



## ThePheonix

Driedlove said:


> One major reason... her son.


There's likely another major reason...your buddy. She's probably being sweet and warming up his bed on those cold Colorado nights while your in Nebraska.


----------



## TDSC60

Just in case he is not done with her......

Ladies Night at a Country Western Bar/Dance club does not mean "Ladies" only allowed. It is a gimmick used by club owners to draw girls in with the promise of free drinks for a couple of hours in the hopes that a bunch of girls will draw in a bunch of guys who have to pay full price for the drinks.

Don't know why, but I got the impression he thought "Ladies Night" was only girls allowed - this is not the case.


----------



## EleGirl

Driedlove said:


> Which one is it?? I have no idea! Never been there in my life, so she played me in an unfair way.


What do you mean which one is it? There is only one bar/club on that website.. the Grizzly Rose. That's the place she hangs out at.


----------



## Lostinthought61

dried love, i hate to tell you this but you really have a lot of growing up to do...you seem to be very naive when it comes to relationships and boundaries. I don't say this to put you down but to enlighten you, that while it is good to see the best in people, not every one has the best interest in you, she is looking for a meal ticket, and someone to allow her to still have fun on the side. good for you to finally see the light, and while we may have helped you see that light, it took courage on your part to sign in this forum in the first place...you had a gut feeling and you wanted to lay it out for us to consider and provide you with our years of experience. My recommendation is that you avoid long distance relationships, they are hard to mange even in the best of relationships.


----------



## EleGirl

Driedlove said:


> Met her in high school in Colorado. We were friends at first, but we weren't really that close. We flirted each other a lot, even after high school, though. After I graduated high school, I had to move to Las Vegas, then move to Nebraska. She and I still texted each other more over the years. Finally asked her to be my girlfriend, because she was the only one who responded to me instantly more than any other girls I texted to.
> 
> The first year was nice, second year was pretty darn good, but the third and fourth year went downhill pretty bad. I think it's that b**** Sara who have been influencing her and brainwashing her two years ago.


Sara is influencing her? It's all Sara's fault? Really? Does your gf have a brain of her own? Can she think for herself. 

If it looks like Sara is influencing her, what is really going on is that your girlfriend agrees with Sara. Stop blaming Sara. This is your girlfriend being who she really is.

You have been living apart for 5 years. Few people can keep up a long distance relationship that long. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder. It kills relationships.

Why not look for a woman where you live. Meet and date someone who you can see several times a week. You know someone you can actually get to know and have a relationship with.


----------



## 6301

Lets hope he sticks to his guns or he'll be in trouble plenty. Man I've seen some crazy posts but whoo boy this one is a dilly.


----------



## dash74

ThePheonix said:


> This week my man, the sign is awarded to you. In a year, you'll understand why.


You got the wrong end


----------



## aine

Why be in a long distance relationship for four years, she is probably fed up of waiting. A year is probably the most that relationships can last on this basis, if you arent going to make a honest woman of her, she decided to look elsewhere.


----------



## ThePheonix

EleGirl said:


> Sara is influencing her? It's all Sara's fault? Really? Does your gf have a brain of her own? Can she think for herself.


I can hear Sara now, "Find a man that's around enough to have a real relationship with. Start seeing other guys and get rid of this foot dragging loser who's done nothing but use you the last few years while waiting for his ship to come in"


----------



## GusPolinski

ThePheonix said:


> I can hear Sara now, "Find a man that's around enough to have a real relationship with. Start seeing other guys and get rid of this foot dragging loser who's done nothing but use you the last few years while waiting for his ship to come in"



"But definitely move into that newly-refurbished condo with him -- and on his dime! -- first. That way you can get out from under your parents' thumb while you shop around for options!"


----------



## GusPolinski

aine said:


> Why be in a long distance relationship for four years, she is probably fed up of waiting. A year is probably the most that relationships can last on this basis, if you arent going to make a honest woman of her, she decided to look elsewhere.



This is fair commentary, but ONLY if she's actually voiced this. Sorry, but she doesn't get a free pass on this due to either a lack of physical proximity OR an inability to hear.


----------



## aine

GusPolinski said:


> This is fair commentary, but ONLY if she's actually voiced this. Sorry, but she doesn't get a free pass on this due to either a lack of physical proximity OR an inability to hear.


I was in a long distance relationship myself once and I think it is naive for OP to think it can go on for so long. I do not condone whatsoever what she is doing, honesty is always the way to go, but relationships are tough enough without the added complication of distance over the long term.


----------



## kristin2349

GusPolinski said:


> You honestly thought that an establishment that a) calls itself the "Grizzly Rose" and b) has weekly "ladies nights" *was a country club instead of a country western bar*?
> 
> :slap:



Umm yeah, this is a major stretch, someone from the US who doesn't know what "Country Club" means? And even if he by some chance is a hayseed he should be aware of the Grizzly Rose being from CO. He had to spend hours googling for this? It took the rest of us 2 seconds, I'm guessing he is in promotions for the clubs website >

Is anyone really buying this?


----------



## Driedlove

You're all just making me appear as a jackass, then mock. I have to repeat this again and again. It's hard to break up with a girl who was raped by a man. If you break up with her just because she actually got raped by another guy, then you're almost as bad as a rapist. 

Can you imagine if you were actually raped by another man, and no way for you to escape, then once you tell your boyfriend the truth about what happened, he breaks up with you? That's awful! 

I was never there to witness what happened, so I could never talk to her about it until after her son was born, then her lies started to overlap very slowly over a few months. Her lies became amazingly recognizable all at once last month. I think it's because she was rushed, so she forgot to keep her lies intact. 

Regardless of you mocking me, I didn't say a word nor a single text to her since I broke up with her yesterday. That was kinda hard for me to do, but I was able to sleep, even when NOBODY texted me at all, I was still able to have a pretty peaceful sleep. 

This morning, she already sent me a text calling me an a-hole for breaking up with her, like I did this to her for "no reason", and that she's the innocent one. She compared me to her other ex who only have been with her for three months, then dumped her. 

She told me she never had sex with anyone since her son was born. Then said she WON'T have sex with the next guys she sees (another lie), because of how much I hurt her from breaking up with her. She says she'll find a much better guy than I am... 

(That'll be hard for her to do, because I don't think she respects nice guys) 

When she texted me all of that, I still didn't respond to her at all. Kinda easy to do now that she sent me text of how much she hated me and that she'll find another guy just to piss me off.


----------



## Driedlove

kristin2349 said:


> Umm yeah, this is a major stretch, someone from the US who doesn't know what "Country Club" means? And even if he by some chance is a hayseed he should be aware of the Grizzly Rose being from CO. He had to spend hours googling for this? It took the rest of us 2 seconds, I'm guessing he is in promotions for the clubs website >
> 
> Is anyone really buying this?


Believe what you want, and people like you on this post are starting to piss me off to even have some disbelief that I don't know what a country club is, and calling me out for PROMOTING that piece of turd. 

I really don't give a single f*** about that place. 

I was talking about my problem with my relationship with her. I care about why my relationship with her was wasted, and why/how she seemed to love to play around with my trust, and my emotions with her huge stacks of unbelievable lies. 

To any of you, please, for the love of all that is holy, stop talking about that stupid place, mmkay?


----------



## Driedlove

aine said:


> Why be in a long distance relationship for four years, she is probably fed up of waiting. A year is probably the most that relationships can last on this basis, if you arent going to make a honest woman of her, she decided to look elsewhere.


That doesn't give her a right to lie to me about seeing other men. She denied to me multiple times she was not seeing anyone else, and that she loved me more than any other guy out there. That doesn't make her right. 

She was the one who kept me around, because of her extreme lies, and that I had no solid proof of her cheating. I could only catch her lying a lot this past month, and they're my only excuse to break off my relationship with her.


----------



## Driedlove

EleGirl said:


> Sara is influencing her? It's all Sara's fault? Really? Does your gf have a brain of her own? Can she think for herself.
> 
> If it looks like Sara is influencing her, what is really going on is that your girlfriend agrees with Sara. Stop blaming Sara. This is your girlfriend being who she really is.
> 
> You have been living apart for 5 years. Few people can keep up a long distance relationship that long. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder. It kills relationships.
> 
> Why not look for a woman where you live. Meet and date someone who you can see several times a week. You know someone you can actually get to know and have a relationship with.


Thing is, I did believe she and I are one of the few to last this long in long distance relationship, so because I found this a little special, I gave in to stay a little longer and was willing to move out. 

I actually broke up with her two years ago, because I thought it was a right thing to do (and I now know it was!). Thing is, she took it WAY TOO HARD, like she appeared so heartbroken because I broke up with her. I felt really bad, so I wanted to get back in relationship with her again. What I didn't know is how she would screw me over by making me her doormat just to get even for breaking up with her. 

Seriously, she refused to break up with me the first two years, so I had to be the one to break up with her, and now, it's been 4 years, and she STILL didn't decide to break up with me, so I had to break off engagement with her. 

I broke up with her twice, and this is my first relationship. 

People need to go easy on their posts about me. Geez.


----------



## eastsouth2000

what i could say is that,

just prepare your heart for what ever my come out of your relationship with her.

if you plan to move in with her, just enjoy her company. take what you can from this relationship.

pessimist is an optimist with experience

believe that it is your choice to pick a more "free spirited woman" rather than a more "conservative person".

in your time with her, enjoy being with her to the fullest.

if you wanna marry and unsure you may just have a pre-nup.
have separate finances.

avengers movie quote; some things are beautiful not because they last!

long term relationships these days are hard to come buy.
with many western nation falling in 50-60% divorce rate, just don't be surprised.


----------



## tech-novelist

Driedlove said:


> You're all just making me appear as a jackass, then mock. I have to repeat this again and again. It's hard to break up with a girl who was raped by a man. If you break up with her just because she actually got raped by another guy, then you're almost as bad as a rapist.


I don't know how to get this through to you, but she was *not* raped. Rape victims don't keep pictures of their rapists.
She had sex with him voluntarily, then passed it off as a rape to make you feel better about it.


----------



## eastsouth2000

you have to ask what you are looking for in this relationship?

do you want a reserved woman, who keeps to herself and the man she loves?
what if she is not that woman.

what if she is a woman who loves you but not in the way you want to be love.
what if she is liberated and open.

If you want to be with this woman because you love her and makes you happy, then by all means be with her.
Set your boundaries, inform her that you want to be exclusive.

and if god forbid time comes she has fallen out of love w/ you, then starts seeing other men. Then leave if she isn't making you happy.

you also have to know what she really wants.
does she see you with her forever.

we can never tell what the future holds, that's just life!
we take what we now and make decision's.
if we make bad decision we learn and improve upon.

again do what makes you happy!


----------



## ConanHub

Bvllshyt...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

She's been going out to a club. They play country music. I,e. A "country" club. The error no doubt lies in trying to read context from texts and phone conversations. Since she's deaf it's probably just a communication issue......among others.

As far as the rape issues, do you know for a fact she has a restraining order on the "rapist" or do you only know it because she told you so. You should check this out with the police.

The reason folks doubt it was rape is because of her keeping pictures of him. That is totally bizarre.


----------



## Driedlove

technovelist said:


> I don't know how to get this through to you, but she was *not* raped. Rape victims don't keep pictures of their rapists.
> She had sex with him voluntarily, then passed it off as a rape to make you feel better about it.


Of course, I agree with you.

I used to think she was the victim before I caught pictures of her rapist. I was REALLY taken aback by catching these pictures. Not nude, or anything, just regular selfie pictures of the rapist. Caught seeing the pictures last month, and my doubts grew more intensely since and could not focus on any project I was working on.


----------



## MountainRunner

Driedlove said:


> Of course, I agree with you.
> 
> I used to think she was the victim before I caught pictures of her rapist. I was REALLY taken aback by catching these pictures. Not nude, or anything, just regular selfie pictures of the rapist. *Caught seeing the pictures last month, and my doubts grew more intensely since and could not focus on any project I was working on.*


I get the impression that you are simply "spinning" over this. You really need to get yourself in front of a therapist and address some self-esteem issues that you have. You seem to be obsessing over this and spiraling down a hole that only has one outcome.

This is a toxic combination...a woman who is lying to you about her intentions and you with your lack of self-esteem/confidence.

Leave her and begin working on yourself my friend.


----------



## Driedlove

eastsouth2000 said:


> you have to ask what you are looking for in this relationship?
> 
> do you want a reserved woman, who keeps to herself and the man she loves?
> what if she is not that woman.
> 
> what if she is a woman who loves you but not in the way you want to be love.
> what if she is liberated and open.
> 
> If you want to be with this woman because you love her and makes you happy, then by all means be with her.
> Set your boundaries, inform her that you want to be exclusive.
> 
> and if god forbid time comes she has fallen out of love w/ you, then starts seeing other men. Then leave if she isn't making you happy.
> 
> you also have to know what she really wants.
> does she see you with her forever.
> 
> we can never tell what the future holds, that's just life!
> we take what we now and make decision's.
> if we make bad decision we learn and improve upon.
> 
> again do what makes you happy!


Thank you so much for your support, eastsouth2000!

She really didn't do a good job by making me happy. She failed multiple times due to still wanting to go to the western bar.

It also didn't help me the fact that her odd behavior has been pulling me back to finish my projects in the last few weeks. I don't believe a couple should hold down another from trying to be successful, you know?


----------



## G.J.

Well at least you have seen the light and told her its over

The relationship you had will be a good learning curve for you in future relationships

Look back on this as a positive growing experiance


----------



## ThePheonix

According to the song, Driedlove has it right about a country club

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRqHA5Q_5vs


----------



## sidney2718

Driedlove said:


> You're all just making me appear as a jackass, then mock. I have to repeat this again and again. It's hard to break up with a girl who was raped by a man. If you break up with her just because she actually got raped by another guy, then you're almost as bad as a rapist.


You don't know that she was raped. Did she file a police report? Does she know the guys name? How did she meet him and where did he take her and why did she go with him?



> Can you imagine if you were actually raped by another man, and no way for you to escape, then once you tell your boyfriend the truth about what happened, he breaks up with you? That's awful!


Yes, that would be awful. But did it happen that way?



> I was never there to witness what happened, so I could never talk to her about it until after her son was born, then her lies started to overlap very slowly over a few months. Her lies became amazingly recognizable all at once last month. I think it's because she was rushed, so she forgot to keep her lies intact.


There was always the phone. She could have talked to you. What keeps you two apart? Couldn't you go see her for a long weekend?



> Regardless of you mocking me, I didn't say a word nor a single text to her since I broke up with her yesterday. That was kinda hard for me to do, but I was able to sleep, even when NOBODY texted me at all, I was still able to have a pretty peaceful sleep.
> 
> This morning, she already sent me a text calling me an a-hole for breaking up with her, like I did this to her for "no reason", and that she's the innocent one. She compared me to her other ex who only have been with her for three months, then dumped her.
> 
> She told me she never had sex with anyone since her son was born. Then said she WON'T have sex with the next guys she sees (another lie), because of how much I hurt her from breaking up with her. She says she'll find a much better guy than I am...
> 
> (That'll be hard for her to do, because I don't think she respects nice guys)
> 
> When she texted me all of that, I still didn't respond to her at all. Kinda easy to do now that she sent me text of how much she hated me and that she'll find another guy just to piss me off.


Of course she hates you. Stop and think. Why does she want to move another guy into your condo? How much of a private relationship are you going to have with her with another man in the condo? Clearly he doesn't have a job or he'd be able to afford a place of his own. So you'd be hard at work supporting the two of them.

Is is possible that this guy is the father of her child?

But you have done the right thing by cutting her off. Don't pay any attention to her rage. She knows what she's done to you and is angry with you for not falling for it. You have already recognized that she is playing you for a fool.

Move on. You have a whole life ahead of you.


----------



## sidney2718

Driedlove said:


> That doesn't give her a right to lie to me about seeing other men. She denied to me multiple times she was not seeing anyone else, and that she loved me more than any other guy out there. That doesn't make her right.
> 
> She was the one who kept me around, because of her extreme lies, and that I had no solid proof of her cheating. I could only catch her lying a lot this past month, and they're my only excuse to break off my relationship with her.


You don't NEED an excuse for breaking up with her. If you are convinced, and I think you are, that's all you need. She does not have to admit the lies. She probably won't anyway.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

Driedlove said:


> Besides her pregnancy, I have no visual proof/evidence of her cheating on me behind my back.


Agreed. If you ignore the pregnancy, all you have is her going to a meat market for weekly ladies night with a toxic girlfriend. 

Want more evidence? Get a PI to sit at the bar this Thursday and get some video footage. Far and away the EASIEST infidelity to catch and NOBODY does it. Better yet, fly to Denver and see for yourself what goes on for Thursday Ladies night. 

Please leave this woman. It will NOT stop once you two are married.


----------



## tech-novelist

MachoMcCoy said:


> Agreed. If you ignore the pregnancy, all you have is her going to a meat market for weekly ladies night with a toxic girlfriend.


"Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"


----------



## ArmyofJuan

Driedlove said:


> This morning, she already sent me a text calling me an a-hole for breaking up with her, like I did this to her for "no reason", and that she's the innocent one. She compared me to her other ex who only have been with her for three months, then dumped her.
> 
> She told me she never had sex with anyone since her son was born. Then said she WON'T have sex with the next guys she sees (another lie), because of how much I hurt her from breaking up with her. *She says she'll find a much better guy than I am... *
> 
> (That'll be hard for her to do, because I don't think she respects nice guys)
> 
> When she texted me all of that, I still didn't respond to her at all. Kinda easy to do now that she sent me text of how much she hated me and that she'll find another guy just to piss me off.


With that bit of passive/aggressive tone in there I'd say she isn't all that concerned about you breaking up with her. This doesn't sound like someone in love that just got her heart broken, sounds like she is trying to save face.


----------



## happy as a clam

ArmyofJuan said:


> With that bit of passive/aggressive tone in there I'd say she isn't all that concerned about you breaking up with her. This doesn't sound like someone in love that just got her heart broken, sounds like she is trying to save face.


:iagree:

If someone who I TRULY LOVED broke up with me unexpectedly, I'd be texting them back... "Baby, I don't understand! I love you! This is all a misunderstanding! My heart is breaking! Let me explain!"

*NOT:*

"I hate you! You're an effing a$$hole! F*ck YOU!! I hope you die!!!!!!"

C'mon OP... WAKE UP!


----------



## MachoMcCoy

There are a LOT of pictures from the Rose here (I mean, a LOT). How funny if you saw your gal, huh?

#Grizzlyrose Instagram tagged photos - Picpipi


PS: They sure do a lot of partying between golf matches.


----------



## happy as a clam

MachoMcCoy said:


> There are a LOT of pictures from the Rose here (I mean, a LOT). How funny if you saw your gal, huh?
> 
> #Grizzlyrose Instagram tagged photos - Picpipi
> 
> 
> PS: They sure do a lot of partying between golf matches.


I know, right?? Not to mention the wet t-shirt contests and other "cowboy" competitions....


----------



## Driedlove

MachoMcCoy said:


> There are a LOT of pictures from the Rose here (I mean, a LOT). How funny if you saw your gal, huh?
> 
> #Grizzlyrose Instagram tagged photos - Picpipi
> 
> 
> PS: They sure do a lot of partying between golf matches.


I saw the pictures. They hardly look half bad. Nothing sexual about it. Why can't my ex take pictures of herself and her friends there? Makes no sense, because it doesn't even look half bad. All the girls don't even look ****ty at all. 

The ONLY thing that appears very sexual is the mechanical riding bull. I mean, why does it look like she's having sex while holding onto a large dong?


----------



## Workathome

Driedlove- Are you from another culture? Your questions seem odd for a grown man living in Denver, CO.


----------



## Driedlove

happy as a clam said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If someone who I TRULY LOVED broke up with me unexpectedly, I'd be texting them back... "Baby, I don't understand! I love you! This is all a misunderstanding! My heart is breaking! Let me explain!"
> 
> *NOT:*
> 
> "I hate you! You're an effing a$$hole! F*ck YOU!! I hope you die!!!!!!"
> 
> C'mon OP... WAKE UP!


Well, she did do the "I love you" thing, then tried to call me twice, but I immediately hung up on her twice. I was the one being so harsh on her, cuz I told her not to contact me or fly to see me in any way ever ever again, then blocked her skype and her facebook. Never responded to her hate text since. Her other friends were calling me out for breaking up with her for no reason, and they all think I have problems, cuz she's such a nice girl. Her parents are pissed, too, and both sent me long hate texts as well. Oh, yeah, I also got some hate texts from her guy friends. I dunno. It's hard to tell if she did anything wrong at this point. 

Again, I broke up with her twice now. 

Broke up with her first time in 2013, and then I broke up with her two days ago (worst, I broke off her engagement right before her grandparents and family were coming over to congratulate her about her engagement and finding the right condo that night). Kinda makes me sound like an a-hole who likes to break up with her at the wrong time.


----------



## Driedlove

Workathome said:


> Driedlove- Are you from another culture? Your questions seem odd for a grown man living in Denver, CO.


I don't live in Colorado, I live in Nebraska. She lives in Colorado.

What kind of questions did you think are odd for a grown man?


----------



## GusPolinski

ArmyofJuan said:


> With that bit of passive/aggressive tone in there I'd say she isn't all that concerned about you breaking up with her. This doesn't sound like someone in love that just got her heart broken, sounds like she is trying to save face.


Sounds like she's chiefly concerned w/ that fact that her plans to get out of her parents' house so that she could raise her kid herself are going up in smoke.


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> I don't live in Colorado, I live in Nebraska. She lives in Colorado.
> 
> *What kind of questions did you think are odd for a grown man?*


I'll be polite...

You seem to be extraordinarily naive.


----------



## Sports Fan

Your fiance seems to be a lying *****. Sorry. Also dont believe the rape story. 

Why didn't she report the so called rape to the police? Becuase there was no rape.

The pictures in her IPAD prove an emotional connection.

Drop her like a bad habbit my friend.

Sorry you are going through this.


----------



## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> I'll be polite...
> 
> You seem to be extraordinarily naive.


??

Explain? 

There is nothing sexual with the way the girls dress in that bar. Am I missing something? 

I don't remember being turned on by some girl wearing a pair of masculine cowboy boots on.


----------



## bandit.45

You didn't do anything wrong breaking up with her. In fact, you showed great compassion by taking her back the first time. I agree with the others...she was not raped. 

And wanting your friend to move in with the two of you? Seriously? That's just fvckin weird and very suspicious. 

Stay the hell away from her, her friends, her family and everyone having anything to do with that walking disaster. Move on with your life. 

Oh and get out and hit some bars once in a while and watch how the chicks act.


----------



## GusPolinski

bandit.45 said:


> You didn't do anything wrong breaking up with her. In fact, you showed great compassion by taking her back the first time. I agree with the others...she was not raped.
> 
> *And wanting your friend to move in with the two of you? Seriously? That's just fvckin weird and very suspicious.*


*cough* Baby Daddy!



bandit.45 said:


> Stay the hell away from her, her friends, her family and everyone having anything to do with that walking disaster. Move on with your life.
> 
> *Oh and get out and hit some bars* once in a while and watch how the chicks act.


Here are a couple...

http://www.clubplanet.com/Venues/129094/Freeport/Under-The-Bridge

http://mobile.dudamobile.com/site/trollpubcom?url=http://www.trollpub.com/#2799

Have fun!


----------



## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> *cough* Baby Daddy!
> 
> 
> 
> Here are a couple...
> 
> Under The Bridge Bar in Freeport, TX - 9792331133
> 
> Mobile Site Preview
> 
> Have fun!


----------



## GusPolinski

OK... so what's left for you, @DL? You realized that she was/is lying, called her on all the bullsh*t, and then dumped her.

Good job.

What's next?


----------



## happy as a clam

DriedLove... give it up.

If you honestly believe the "Grizzly Rose" is an elite country club, such as "Augusta" or "Pebble Beach", then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.

If you think "Ladies' Night" means LADIES ONLY, then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.

If you never thought to Google "Grizzly Rose", then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.

If you honestly believe your girlfriend was raped (rather than spread her legs for the loser who impregnated her), then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.


----------



## Driedlove

I have to ask...

Have anybody dealt with a person like that?

... or am I the only one?


----------



## bfree

Driedlove said:


> I have to ask...
> 
> Have anybody dealt with a person like that?
> 
> ... or am I the only one?


The question is not if anyone else has dealt with a person like this. The question is why you have dealt with one this long.


----------



## Driedlove

happy as a clam said:


> DriedLove... give it up.
> 
> If you honestly believe the "Grizzly Rose" is an elite country club, such as "Augusta" or "Pebble Beach", then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.
> 
> If you think "Ladies' Night" means LADIES ONLY, then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.
> 
> If you never thought to Google "Grizzly Rose", then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.
> 
> If you honestly believe your girlfriend was raped (rather than spread her legs for the loser who impregnated her), then you need far more help than we can offer here at TAM.



Okay, I apologize for not informing everyone how I feel NOW. I don't believe any of the list above. I used to think it was just an innocent cowboy line-dancing, because I didn't even bother researching about it back then. I didn't even care about the specific name of that place. 

I wasn't talking about how I think of her NOW, I was talking about how I USED to think of her BEFORE since you're all just dumbfounded that I was sticking around with her, so I had to explain why I was even sticking around with her for so long. That was when I didn't bother researching about it, because she barely said anything about going there until two months ago.

It's really not hard to follow.


----------



## happy as a clam

Driedlove said:


> I have to ask...
> 
> Have anybody dealt with a person like that?
> 
> *... or am I the only one?*


I honestly think you are the only one... 

You need counseling. Pronto. Like, yesterday.

To help you deal with your innocence, willingness to believe utter lies, naivete...

Call it what you will. Find a competent counselor.


----------



## sholdofneverdoneittwice

Hey bro, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but I know that country club you are talking about. (for the people that think its a real country club, its not it is a country western bar) That place, espically on ladies night, is a real meat market and most of the people going there are looking to hook up.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

I've been to Nebraska. They roll up the streets at night on the capital - Lincoln.

So here's a disturbing thought... If OP is for real (and I do believe he is just a nice corn fed kid), then could she be for real too?

Kind of disturbing, as in a "I just woke up and realized I actually am living in 1955 and it was all a horrible, jaded, cruel, impersonal, futuristic dream" kind of way.


----------



## Driedlove

happy as a clam said:


> I honestly think you are the only one...
> 
> You need counseling. Pronto. Like, yesterday.
> 
> To help you deal with your innocence, willingness to believe utter lies, naivete...
> 
> Call it what you will. Find a competent counselor.


No.


----------



## ThePheonix

Driedlove, I'm an old hound who's been with more woman than you can shake a stick at. Here's a rule of thumb you can go by my man. A woman can't be crazy about you, have a high romantic interest in you and run around night clubbing, dancing and snuggling with other men. 
When they don't have a high romantic interest in you but want to keep you around for amusement and a soft place to land, they will lie to you about why they are out running the streets and cozening up with other guys; you know what they say, "that guy I was talking to is just a friend. My pant are wet because you happen to walk up and I saw you"


----------



## Driedlove

I'm taken aback with how some of the comments here made it such a big deal, and then mock my intelligence. Overdramatic, immature commenters like you are unbelievable.

Look, deaf world is different. It doesn't have the same mentality and influences as the hearing world. Deaf world is really small that it would be easy to know almost every deaf people in USA, and once they're scattered all over the world, they're more rare. 

Come to think of a blind girl dating a blind man, because they both share the same experiences and struggles of being disabled, so they grow stronger together. Even when things go CRAZY bad between them, it's still difficult to depart, because it's rare to find another person who is blind, so they become scared and hold onto each other tight. 

Deaf man dating a deaf woman is exactly the same way, except they can't hear while they have the ability to see. They both can't communicate well in the hearing world, but could communicate perfectly with each other. It's MUCH harder to break off from each other. Because of their fear of being alone (can't communicate, get treated like they're mentally disabled), they'd do whatever it takes to stay together tight, even long distance. 

Of course, I see what is going on. She's not the girl for me. Simple as that. I can move on. I was WAY too nice to her, and I do admit, I went too far. I think I expected too much innocence out of my deaf ex girlfriend just because she was deaf, but that was my big mistake. That was so stereotypical of me to do that. Admit it, if you're born Mexican, you would like to think your Mexican girlfriend would have the same morals as you just because she's Mexican. That's how I felt with my ex. "I'm deaf. Oh! She's deaf, she must have the same ideals, philosophy, lifestyle, good decision-making like mine!" 

I dated a hearing girl before (or maybe we didn't date? who cares?), but she wasn't really my serious girlfriend or anything. Kinda like "more than friends" kinda thing. It only lasted three months, and we never kissed, or had sex or anything (zero desire for her because of her boasting her ego). She was still the same way. ****y, b**chy, too much ego of which I did not give her at all. Never had the desire to see that redheaded psycho again. I can do the same way with my ex, a blonde, of four years. I think I need to tone down my niceness, but every time I do, they call me an A-HOLE! I think women expect me to kiss their a##es too much just because I'm deaf. Oh, well, screw it. I'm ready to be mr. not-so-nice-guy. 

A LOT of my deaf friends go through the same crap I'm going through, and the bad things they have been through were OVER THE TOP, like mine. 

You know why? 

Because it's much harder for a hearing girl to find a deaf man desirable, and 3x harder for a deaf man to find another deaf girl, especially the one with a nicer personality and better morals. Oh, god, if she respects herself as a woman, it would have been a miracle!! 


Deaf girls have it easy, because they can depend on someone, just like how hearing girls would. They're almost the same. They're not struggling as much as deaf men do. Deaf girls don't really stick out as much when compared to hearing girls. Not unique. 

Deaf men, on the other hand, they have it hard. They can't help but appear BETA because sometimes he NEEDS to depend on someone simply because their hearing abilities aren't half as good as regular men's hearing. Deaf men are completely different, and more rare, but in a bad way.

Not all deaf men are like that, but most of them are. None of them seem to have a huge selection of women that they could share their lives with. 

A woman (even if she's deaf) usually wants a man to listen to her, and the deaf man is the LEAST desirable on her list. 

Let that sink in. 

Can you imagine a woman dreams about spending the rest of her life with a deaf man who can't hear her needs? Yeah. Hard to imagine.


----------



## Driedlove

ThePheonix said:


> Driedlove, I'm an old hound who's been with more woman than you can shake a stick at. Here's a rule of thumb you can go by my man. A woman can't be crazy about you, have a high romantic interest in you and run around night clubbing, dancing and snuggling with other men.
> When they don't have a high romantic interest in you but want to keep you around for amusement and a soft place to land, they will lie to you about why they are out running the streets and cozening up with other guys; you know what they say, "that guy I was talking to is just a friend. My pant are wet because you happen to walk up and I saw you"


:| 

F**K THAT B**CH!!!!!!!!

You got me. I get it now. Thank you. She's outta my life forever. Done deal.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, @Driedlove -- I've been following this thread since the day it started, but I haven't really chimed in except maybe once to say that I agreed with something someone else posted. But I feel like I need to chime in now.

The posters from TAM come from all over the place, and are all ages, from a wide variety of backgrounds.

So, to some of the TAMers here may think that you're a little naive. And TAMers have the tendency to be very blunt. It's just the nature of the forum, and some people really need it--it's called "giving someone the 2x4" (like a 2x4 to the head, get it?).

No one's trying to attack you, @Driedlove. They want to help you. That's what TAM is about. It may feel like they're attacking you, but they're not. They are just being brutally honest. But it's easy to get defensive when you feel like you're being attacked, right? And you're getting defensive, so I know you feel like you're being attacked.

And it's ESPECIALLY easy to feel like you're being attacked here, when you're simultaneously being attacked IRL by your now X-GF's friends and family. You're already on the defensive because of that, and you come on TAM, giving an update, and you feel like all you're getting is beat up (2x4).

So, I would like you to take a deep breath, and step back for a moment. Disregard the tone that you see in the posts that are upsetting you, and focus instead on what people are telling you.

(Granted, some newer people posting haven't read through the entire thread, so they might not know that you've broken up with her, and they are responding to the initial post, etc. Be on the lookout for posts by TAMers whose handle you don't recognize, as that may be the case.) 

You do strike me as a little naive and a little too trusting for someone who is 28 years old. That's just an observation, not a condemnation. And we don't know much about you or your background, so maybe you grew up sheltered, or if you have spent your life in a small, church-going community, dishonest crappy people aren't the norm, so they can really blind-side you when they cross your path, because you're used to being able to trust everyone.

The question isn't if anyone else has ever had to deal with a woman like this. There are plenty of women like this in the world, and plenty of men who have been sucked in by them. Plenty of men who have been used and abused by them. That doesn't really matter. 

What matters is YOU. The question is, why did you accept her obvious (to all of us, with the benefit of us being removed from the situation and viewing it at 20k feet) lies and mistreatment for so long? 

Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of you for breaking up with her! But that is only the first step for you. You need to figure out why you stayed in an abusive relationship for such a long time. Yes, abusive. She lied and manipulated you, and you believed her. You put up with it. Why? You need to figure that part out to make sure that you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.

Yes, she is the one in the wrong here. So, so clearly wrong. 

BUT you need to take responsibility for the fact that you allowed her to treat you in such an awful way. And you need to figure out why, and you need to learn how to recognize the red flags that she was throwing up, which you either missed or willfully ignored.

What concerns me even more, is why haven't those close to you IRL been saying to you what we've been saying here? Why didn't any of your friends or family say, this girl is bad news, she's lying to you, cut her loose? That tells me that may be some dysfunction in your background/family of origin (FOO for short) that may he contributing to the relationship issues that you are having now.

This is why happy as a calm suggested that you see an IC. So that you can work through all this sh!t and come out on the other side better prepared and able to have a happy, healthy relationship with a woman who will appreciate and cherish your kind nature, rather than take advantage of it like your lying, manipulative X-GF.

*hugs*


----------



## MountainRunner

FeministInPink said:


> So, @Driedlove -- I've been following this thread since the day it started, but I haven't really chimed in except maybe once to say that I agreed with something someone else posted. But I feel like I need to chime in now.
> 
> The posters from TAM come from all over the place, and are all ages, from a wide variety of backgrounds.
> 
> So, to some of the TAMers here may think that you're a little naive. And TAMers have the tendency to be very blunt. It's just the nature of the forum, and some people really need it--it's called "giving someone the 2x4" (like a 2x4 to the head, get it?).
> 
> No one's trying to attack you, @Driedlove. They want to help you. That's what TAM is about. It may feel like they're attacking you, but they're not. They are just being brutally honest. But it's easy to get defensive when you feel like you're being attacked, right? And you're getting defensive, so I know you feel like you're being attacked.
> 
> And it's ESPECIALLY easy to feel like you're being attacked here, when you're simultaneously being attacked IRL by your now X-GF's friends and family. You're already on the defensive because of that, and you come on TAM, giving an update, and you feel like all you're getting is beat up (2x4).
> 
> So, I would like you to take a deep breath, and step back for a moment. Disregard the tone that you see in the posts that are upsetting you, and focus instead on what people are telling you.
> 
> (Granted, some newer people posting haven't read through the entire thread, so they might not know that you've broken up with her, and they are responding to the initial post, etc. Be on the lookout for posts by TAMers whose handle you don't recognize, as that may be the case.)
> 
> You do strike me as a little naive and a little too trusting for someone who is 28 years old. That's just an observation, not a condemnation. And we don't know much about you or your background, so maybe you grew up sheltered, or if you have spent your life in a small, church-going community, dishonest crappy people aren't the norm, so they can really blind-side you when they cross your path, because you're used to being able to trust everyone.
> 
> The question isn't if anyone else has ever had to deal with a woman like this. There are plenty of women like this in the world, and plenty of men who have been sucked in by them. Plenty of men who have been used and abused by them. That doesn't really matter.
> 
> What matters is YOU. The question is, why did you accept her obvious (to all of us, with the benefit of us being removed from the situation and viewing it at 20k feet) lies and mistreatment for so long?
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of you for breaking up with her! But that is only the first step for you. You need to figure out why you stayed in an abusive relationship for such a long time. Yes, abusive. She lied and manipulated you, and you believed her. You put up with it. Why? You need to figure that part out to make sure that you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.
> 
> Yes, she is the one in the wrong here. So, so clearly wrong.
> 
> BUT you need to take responsibility for the fact that you allowed her to treat you in such an awful way. And you need to figure out why, and you need to learn how to recognize the red flags that she was throwing up, which you either missed or willfully ignored.
> 
> What concerns me even more, is why haven't those close to you IRL been saying to you what we've been saying here? Why didn't any of your friends or family say, this girl is bad news, she's lying to you, cut her loose? That tells me that may be some dysfunction in your background/family of origin (FOO for short) that may he contributing to the relationship issues that you are having now.
> 
> This is why happy as a calm suggested that you see an IC. So that you can work through all this sh!t and come out on the other side better prepared and able to have a happy, healthy relationship with a woman who will appreciate and cherish your kind nature, rather than take advantage of it like your lying, manipulative X-GF.
> 
> *hugs*


:iagree:

*I'd kiss this woman for this post...but I'm kinda "goin steady" with a gurl right now*


----------



## FeministInPink

Driedlove said:


> I'm taken aback with how some of the comments here made it such a big deal, and then mock my intelligence. Overdramatic, immature commenters like you are unbelievable.
> 
> Look, deaf world is different. It doesn't have the same mentality and influences as the hearing world. Deaf world is really small that it would be easy to know almost every deaf people in USA, and once they're scattered all over the world, they're more rare.
> 
> Come to think of a blind girl dating a blind man, because they both share the same experiences and struggles of being disabled, so they grow stronger together. Even when things go CRAZY bad between them, it's still difficult to depart, because it's rare to find another person who is blind, so they become scared and hold onto each other tight.
> 
> Deaf man dating a deaf woman is exactly the same way, except they can't hear while they have the ability to see. They both can't communicate well in the hearing world, but could communicate perfectly with each other. It's MUCH harder to break off from each other. Because of their fear of being alone (can't communicate, get treated like they're mentally disabled), they'd do whatever it takes to stay together tight, even long distance.
> 
> Of course, I see what is going on. She's not the girl for me. Simple as that. I can move on. I was WAY too nice to her, and I do admit, I went too far. I think I expected too much innocence out of my deaf ex girlfriend just because she was deaf, but that was my big mistake. That was so stereotypical of me to do that. Admit it, if you're born Mexican, you would like to think your Mexican girlfriend would have the same morals as you just because she's Mexican. That's how I felt with my ex. "I'm deaf. Oh! She's deaf, she must have the same ideals, philosophy, lifestyle, good decision-making like mine!"
> 
> I dated a hearing girl before (or maybe we didn't date? who cares?), but she wasn't really my serious girlfriend or anything. Kinda like "more than friends" kinda thing. It only lasted three months, and we never kissed, or had sex or anything (zero desire for her because of her boasting her ego). She was still the same way. ****y, b**chy, too much ego of which I did not give her at all. Never had the desire to see that redheaded psycho again. I can do the same way with my ex, a blonde, of four years. I think I need to tone down my niceness, but every time I do, they call me an A-HOLE! I think women expect me to kiss their a##es too much just because I'm deaf. Oh, well, screw it. I'm ready to be mr. not-so-nice-guy.
> 
> A LOT of my deaf friends go through the same crap I'm going through, and the bad things they have been through were OVER THE TOP, like mine.
> 
> You know why?
> 
> Because it's much harder for a hearing girl to find a deaf man desirable, and 3x harder for a deaf man to find another deaf girl, especially the one with a nicer personality and better morals. Oh, god, if she respects herself as a woman, it would have been a miracle!!
> 
> 
> Deaf girls have it easy, because they can depend on someone, just like how hearing girls would. They're almost the same. They're not struggling as much as deaf men do. Deaf girls don't really stick out as much when compared to hearing girls. Not unique.
> 
> Deaf men, on the other hand, they have it hard. They can't help but appear BETA because sometimes he NEEDS to depend on someone simply because their hearing abilities aren't half as good as regular men's hearing. Deaf men are completely different, and more rare, but in a bad way.
> 
> Not all deaf men are like that, but most of them are. None of them seem to have a huge selection of women that they could share their lives with.
> 
> A woman (even if she's deaf) usually wants a man to listen to her, and the deaf man is the LEAST desirable on her list.
> 
> Let that sink in.
> 
> Can you imagine a woman dreams about spending the rest of her life with a deaf man who can't hear her needs? Yeah. Hard to imagine.


DL, thanks for this clarification--I've read your entire thread, and it wasn't until THIS post that I realized that you're deaf, as well. I knew she was deaf, but I thought that you were hearing.

It doesn't change my post above, but it's good to know.

And I wouldn't assume that hearing chicks are out of the realm of possibility for you. I can think of some definite positives to dating a deaf man.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Yeah that does suck and explains to some degree your comments and attachment. I suspect she is feeling a similar loss even if she might have taken advantage of you.

Out of curiosity do you have any other thoughts why she wanted your bf to live with you two. We never understood that.

I do understand your perspective about women needing to talk - but I wouldn't take that literally. You are a sensitive guy and what women need is to be heard emotionally and be allowed to express themselves. Many guys don't get that and stop short of actually listening and try to help solve problems. Young guys in particular lack the world experience and patience to just listen.

I bet a ton of women would be able to see past a hearing impairment if they could express themselves and be heard. Women are much better at gauging men and seeing good qualities inside. Don't sell yourself and women in general short.

Men in the other hand - not saying we're superficial, but we do enjoy the outside while working our way into women and often are satisfied a few inches deep and maybe stop there, feeling contented


----------



## FeministInPink

MountainRunner said:


> :iagree:
> 
> *I'd kiss this woman for this post...but I'm kinda "goin steady" with a gurl right now*


Hey, now. Don't let your wife see that!


----------



## MachoMcCoy

Just out of curiosity, how did you find out about the weekly girls nights out? She surely didn't come to you and say "I've been hanging out at meat markets every Thursday night". How did you bust her?


----------



## OldWolf57

DL, I get it now. Never thought of you also being deaf.
I sorta knew a girl growing up that was deaf, so understand some of what you are saying.

In fact DL, I am kinda thinking you may be able to salvage this relationship.
BUT, you will have to do it from a position of strength.

You call her out on the misleading/outright lies about the country bar.

The getting close to your old friend enough to want him to move in, without you even knowing they was hanging out and talking.

That she needs to get rid of the toxic gf that hates you.

That you STILL don't believe you got the whole history of her and the child's father, but you will listen.

You tell her you have your good job where you are, and REALLY don't see a future where she's at with all this bulls#it hanging over the relationship.
Tell her yes, you understand being near her child, but, moving and bring her son will take care of that.

DL, that's just stuff off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are posters here who will help, if you change your mind.

Again, I now see and understand. So I apologize, for not thinking that maybe you was deaf also.


----------



## OldWolf57

DL, is this old friend deaf also ?

Either way, you don't start a new life by having someone else living there to.
You two would have had enough adjusting to each other.


----------



## convert

FeministInPink said:


> DL, thanks for this clarification--I've read your entire thread, and it wasn't until THIS post that I realized that you're deaf, as well. I knew she was deaf, but I thought that you were hearing.
> 
> It doesn't change my post above, but it's good to know.
> 
> And I wouldn't assume that hearing chicks are out of the realm of possibility for you. *I can think of some definite positives to dating a deaf man.*


:grin2:


----------



## 30yrsago

OMG that use of term that my ex wife cheated on me 'girls nite out


----------



## GusPolinski

OK, so you're both deaf. Additionally, "Deaf World" is different from "_not_ Deaf World". Fair enough.

So then why come _here_ for advice?


----------



## Liten

Seems like my old long time girlfriend has somehow turned herself younger and became deaf.

There was alot of girl's night out and I just got suspicious, when confronted I got the "I need space" speech.

Yep, she managed to get herself pregnant. Oh well, I dodged a bullet. I am way better off now and so will you be.

Good luck!


----------



## CLIFFW

Driedlove said:


> My fiancé and I have been in long distance relationship for four years. We just got engaged recently. My biggest problem is my trust with her, because she seems to love going to the country club so much.
> 
> At a country club, called Grizzly Rose, she goes there because she likes to go out to have fun and dance with her friends. She likes to call it "girl's night out".
> 
> What kind of dance do they do at country clubs? I've never been there in my life, so I have to know.
> 
> Why go there when they offer free drinks to (only) women on Thursday nights? Mind you, that place is only open for ages 18 and up on Thursday nights as well.
> 
> Free drinks for all women means more women go there. If there are more women, then more men go there to pick up girls.
> 
> I'm becoming more uncomfortable with my fiancé going there, because I caught a few posts (in this site and various other sites about cheating) mentioning about some cheating wives making love with random guys from country clubs.
> 
> My fiancé said she drank wine there at the club, which got me more freaked out.
> 
> I have to know if a country club is a MEAT MARKET??? A place for girls to make love with strange men while they're drunk??
> 
> She and I have been planning on moving in together, and we found a place. I'm not excited to move in to live with her now, because of how strange it is for her to want to go to the country club so bad.


If you are this distrustful of your fiance, you seriously shouldn't be getting married.

This is not the way to start. At all.


----------



## OldWolf57

Gus, lying is lying, and cheating is cheating, and we all know this.
I sorta give her a pass on some things, but not others.

Many with disabilities do much harm to themselves trying to fit in and be accepted.
I really can see her toxic gf egging and schooling her how to be a skank.
This toxic pos of sh^t probably get a kick out of bossing her around, and if she is prettier, all the more so.
And that's the problem. She has a whole other life with this skank, that even some of her friends and family don't know about. I believe DL when he said skank and her bf are the nastier type.
So them getting a kick out of setting her up with guys in their crew would be a blast to them.

Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the baby daddy is a friend they set her up with.


----------



## ThePheonix

OldWolf57 said:


> Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the baby daddy is a friend they set her up with.


It may be the "friend" she wants to move in with them. Don't be surprised at this either. Some women are like cats. They like to play with their pray before delivering the fatal bite.


----------



## MattMatt

OldWolf57 said:


> Gus, lying is lying, and cheating is cheating, and we all know this.
> I sorta give her a pass on some things, but not others.
> 
> Many with disabilities do much harm to themselves trying to fit in and be accepted.
> I really can see her toxic gf egging and schooling her how to be a skank.
> This toxic pos of sh^t probably get a kick out of bossing her around, and if she is prettier, all the more so.
> And that's the problem. She has a whole other life with this skank, that even some of her friends and family don't know about. I believe DL when he said skank and her bf are the nastier type.
> So them getting a kick out of setting her up with guys in their crew would be a blast to them.
> 
> Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the baby daddy is a friend they set her up with.


They might be so delusional that they really think they are doing her a favour in setting her up with other men.


----------



## Decorum

ThePheonix said:


> It may be the "friend" she wants to move in with them. Don't be surprised at this either. Some women are like cats. They like to play with their pray before delivering the fatal bite.



Its dispicapable but there is a chance the babies father is his old high school friend that she wants to room with them. A DNA test could confirm that. If its true, she is beyond selfish and no good can come from having anything to do with her.

In my book just what he already knows is enough to earn her a permanent boot to the curb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## wmn1

I agree with the people who say 'move on'. Don't move in with her, don't have kids with her. Don't entertain any such thoughts. You'll be looking over your shoulder for years to come. The grass can be greener on the other side if you remain vigilant and learn from this experience


----------



## Voltaire2013

GusPolinski said:


> OK, so you're both deaf. Additionally, "Deaf World" is different from "_not_ Deaf World". Fair enough.
> 
> So then why come _here_ for advice?


[Columbo voice] I'm still fixated on the 'phone calls' which are mentioned in addition to texts. (scratches heads, acts like he really doesn't know what's going on here) [/end Columbo voice]

Cheers,
V(13)


----------



## TRy

Driedlove said:


> Two weeks ago, the next morning after she went to the country club, she texted me that two guys went up to her and they didn't know how to sign to her (she's deaf), and the guys left.


 Based on what you posted above, where the two guys left because "they didn't know how to sign to her", she may be viewed by her friends as the perfect bait to attract men for them. She is attractive, so the men come to the group, but they cannot converse with her so the other women take over the conversation with these men from there. Since she is deaf, she may have issues making new friends. The fact that these other woman invite her to join them on their meat market girls night out thus becomes attractive to her as it give her a chance to socialize, even if it turn into letting another guy getting her pregnant just to stay popular with her friends.


----------



## Driedlove

bandit.45 said:


> You didn't do anything wrong breaking up with her. In fact, you showed great compassion by taking her back the first time. I agree with the others...she was not raped.
> 
> And wanting your friend to move in with the two of you? Seriously? That's just fvckin weird and very suspicious.
> 
> Stay the hell away from her, her friends, her family and everyone having anything to do with that walking disaster. Move on with your life.
> 
> Oh and get out and hit some bars once in a while and watch how the chicks act.


I will have to enter some bars to find out what the women are really doing there.


----------



## tech-novelist

Driedlove said:


> I will have to enter some bars to find out what the women are really doing there.


Good idea. Then you may have a better idea of what you are up against.

Hint: it's not going to be pretty.


----------



## Driedlove

FeministInPink said:


> So, @Driedlove -- I've been following this thread since the day it started, but I haven't really chimed in except maybe once to say that I agreed with something someone else posted. But I feel like I need to chime in now.
> 
> The posters from TAM come from all over the place, and are all ages, from a wide variety of backgrounds.
> 
> So, to some of the TAMers here may think that you're a little naive. And TAMers have the tendency to be very blunt. It's just the nature of the forum, and some people really need it--it's called "giving someone the 2x4" (like a 2x4 to the head, get it?).
> 
> No one's trying to attack you, @Driedlove. They want to help you. That's what TAM is about. It may feel like they're attacking you, but they're not. They are just being brutally honest. But it's easy to get defensive when you feel like you're being attacked, right? And you're getting defensive, so I know you feel like you're being attacked.
> 
> And it's ESPECIALLY easy to feel like you're being attacked here, when you're simultaneously being attacked IRL by your now X-GF's friends and family. You're already on the defensive because of that, and you come on TAM, giving an update, and you feel like all you're getting is beat up (2x4).
> 
> So, I would like you to take a deep breath, and step back for a moment. Disregard the tone that you see in the posts that are upsetting you, and focus instead on what people are telling you.
> 
> (Granted, some newer people posting haven't read through the entire thread, so they might not know that you've broken up with her, and they are responding to the initial post, etc. Be on the lookout for posts by TAMers whose handle you don't recognize, as that may be the case.)
> 
> You do strike me as a little naive and a little too trusting for someone who is 28 years old. That's just an observation, not a condemnation. And we don't know much about you or your background, so maybe you grew up sheltered, or if you have spent your life in a small, church-going community, dishonest crappy people aren't the norm, so they can really blind-side you when they cross your path, because you're used to being able to trust everyone.
> 
> The question isn't if anyone else has ever had to deal with a woman like this. There are plenty of women like this in the world, and plenty of men who have been sucked in by them. Plenty of men who have been used and abused by them. That doesn't really matter.
> 
> What matters is YOU. The question is, why did you accept her obvious (to all of us, with the benefit of us being removed from the situation and viewing it at 20k feet) lies and mistreatment for so long?
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of you for breaking up with her! But that is only the first step for you. You need to figure out why you stayed in an abusive relationship for such a long time. Yes, abusive. She lied and manipulated you, and you believed her. You put up with it. Why? You need to figure that part out to make sure that you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.
> 
> Yes, she is the one in the wrong here. So, so clearly wrong.
> 
> BUT you need to take responsibility for the fact that you allowed her to treat you in such an awful way. And you need to figure out why, and you need to learn how to recognize the red flags that she was throwing up, which you either missed or willfully ignored.
> 
> What concerns me even more, is why haven't those close to you IRL been saying to you what we've been saying here? Why didn't any of your friends or family say, this girl is bad news, she's lying to you, cut her loose? That tells me that may be some dysfunction in your background/family of origin (FOO for short) that may he contributing to the relationship issues that you are having now.
> 
> This is why happy as a calm suggested that you see an IC. So that you can work through all this sh!t and come out on the other side better prepared and able to have a happy, healthy relationship with a woman who will appreciate and cherish your kind nature, rather than take advantage of it like your lying, manipulative X-GF.
> 
> *hugs*



<sigh> I have to stay strong to not talk to her at all. It's still very hard to do. Before I broke off her engagement, she and I even talked on skype every single day. We would text each other so many times. 

Now, it has been almost a week since I broke off the engagement, she sent me very few texts in the last few days, but she has been sending a lot of texts to my mom about how much she mi

Thank you so much for helping out, and for clearing up what has been going on in the past quotes on here. 

Why I've been with her for so long? Because they still weren't obvious enough. I think she was able to get away with it because we live so far apart from each other. I have no proof of her seeing other guys unless she TELLS me about seeing them. 

What I really believe (and still do) is how far in love she was/is with me. If she didn't love me, she would not ever tell me she went to the country dance club. She would not even admit talking to me about other guys she has been seeing, and tells me how she feels about them. 

I mean, isn't it wrong to be honest with your partner with how you feel/think when you find someone else attractive? 

I dunno. It's extremely difficult to even believe she would cheat on me because of these reasons... She would wet sometimes wet herself when we cuddled (sorry, but had to say it to make you believe why I had a hard time leaving her much sooner), sent me nude pics/vids of herself quite a lot, talked about having a family with me in the future, and would talk constantly about us getting married. She was the one who put the MOST effort of keeping the relationship intact, and I was the one trying to let go of her. She was the one who wouldn't let me go. And on top of that, she was the one who worked hard to find a place for the both of us to live in together.

I think I'll have to write a personal journal for myself, so I can maybe learn from what I might've done wrong that caused me to go blind with her. 

Also, I'm thinking of writing all the pros/cons of being with her, and then pros/cons of NOT being with her, then compare. 

What do you think?


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Honestly I think a lot of us don't know if the deaf world somehow different... perhaps socially at least... that might make actions that are huge red flags in the hearing world somehow... different?

Still so many bad signs - why would she have another guy live with you? Why would she let you believe she was going to a country club? etc

Most probably say stay away. I don't know - you seem to want to leave. 

I certainly know what I would do but you have to make your own choices.


----------



## Decorum

Voltaire2013 said:


> [Columbo voice] I'm still fixated on the 'phone calls' which are mentioned in addition to texts. (scratches heads, acts like he really doesn't know what's going on here) [/end Columbo voice]
> 
> Cheers,
> V(13)


Not sure if this is what you mean but there is a phone divice that puts speech into text. It been around for years and is often subsidized for someone who needs it.

If the deaf pearson has speech capabilities you can often hardly tell they are using one. They answer the phone, read and reply.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

One last thing.

Never, never never bring another man into your home!!!

Whether you are hearing or non-hearing.

The home is a place of safety, security, harmony and trust.

The presence of a competing male, even a well intentioned one, changes this dynamic for the people the man is wired to protect.

It is very foolish and once the gatekeeper lets them in he becomes oblivious to what those changes are. (Often because of pride and self-flattery)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BrokenLady

For some reason I hadn't read any of this thread before I started last night. I wish I'd been reading from the beginning. I'm sorry. ;-(

My friend through my formative years was a deaf blind translator. I'd frequently be the 'odd man out' at parties & gatherings because I'm not impared. I'm in my 40's so I'm talking about a time before emails & texts. The deaf blind world was so isolated. Special machines were needed for communication to be possible. 

I get the feeling that some pretty HUGE assumptions have been made in this thread & a lot of the opinions are a bit off base because of it. Oh I wish we could start from the beginning again & have a post about BOTH of you being deaf. It does make some big differences!

I'm pretty new to these forums. I didn't know what 'Troll' meant AND I didn't know it's not uncommon on these forums! A TROLL is a faker, someone who's posting a made-up story to annoy the members. I get the feeling that some members confused your cultural difference, didn't understand & made some mean inferences. 

I'm English & I could get confused about the whole 'Country Club' vs 'Country & Western Club'! She wanted line dancing lessons! I don't think this was an intentional deception. I really don't. 

You are culturally different & many people don't take that into account. It's easy to assume that everyone lives in the same world when you're an average American on a forum. Members didn't know you were deaf & made some mean assumptions about your innocence & naivety. Even being from a different country I've experienced this. 

Deaf girls can be VERY vulnerable. There are pond scum men who pray on disbled women. I've only known 1 regular girl who was raped. I was shocked at a party when the subject was raised & pretty much ALL the hearing (& sight) impared women started comparing ALL of their rape stories!! It truly changed my view of the human race. Check the statistics, they are far less likely to report. It's brutal. 

If we all rethink this post. Keeping the differences in mind, I think many responses would be very different. 

Op. Can you visit your girl friend to sit down face to face to discuss everything? Can she take you to the club to show you what she does? I've gone to clubs with friends, danced in isolation & come home without talking to anyone other than my group. I don't think it's a safe place for her to be but I don't assume she's upto no good being there. 

From my life experiences I don't assume she wasn't raped, I don't assume she intentionally descieved you about the club. We're left with the fact that you've split-up with her a lot. Why was that?
I think this relationship is salvageable if that's what you want.


----------



## Chaparral

I think you have made a major error not letting us know you were also deaf.

Also you haven't answered important questions like why she wants your friend to move in with you. Is he deaf? Do you need more money? Is hher toxic girlfriend deaf?


----------



## manfromlamancha

Hello DriedLove and sorry to have you here. I have read your entire thread here and have tried to make some sense of it.

You and your (ex)fiancé are not exactly very young but neither are you very experienced. 28 years is old enough to know certain things. However, I was incredibly naive when it came to women in my early years, so I do understand it to a certain degree (but I am talking about 19 or 20 not 28).

Let me understand if I have this right (and do correct me if not):



You met your fiancé in school and she was flirting with you. Judging from what you have said about yourself, she must be a flirtatious type of girl.


Because both of you are deaf, you formed a certain connection (better communication than with other people) - is this correct ?


You are attracted to her and she is to you. You seem to be attracted to her because you did not do very well with trying to get other women so you "agreed" to be with her (this is from an earlier post of yours). She is attracted to you because she genuinely finds you attractive ?


You agreed to go into a long distance relationship and hoped that she would keep her end of the monogamous relationship up.


She is a flirty, outgoing girl with a model temptress friend (Sara) who doesn't like you. They start going to this Urban Cowboy joint to meet with the local talent. She enjoys her self there. And more importantly, men constantly hit on her there.


At some stage in your relationship she sleeps with another guy, tells you about it when she gets pregnant, keeps the baby, gives it to her cousin but still wants to be around it and keeps pictures of the dad around. She tells you about it (when she gets pregnant) i.e. she doesn't make you think that you are the dad. 


Astonishingly and inexplicably, you seem to be OK with it because she told you the baby wasn't yours. BUT HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE WAS FVCKING OTHER MEN ???? This is where everyone on this thread is dumbfounded, by the way and where you come off as extremely naive (almost retarded) - sorry no offence, but thats the way you appear - for this main reason.


To make matters worse she tells you that he raped her and you believe her. Yet no police reports, no legal action - nothing. Just kept pictures of the "rapist" to show the kid who his dad was. Later you say you realise she was lying. And for the 2nd time again astonishingly and inexplicably, YOU STAYED WITH HER EVEN WHEN SHE LIED ABOUT BEING RAPED!!! This is a big deal for most people. Hence people continued to look at you as being extremely naive and stupid. Rape is a pretty serious crime to accuse somebody of.


So with no real consequences she starts hanging out at this dive and being hit on by other men with a very real possibility that she is sleeping with some of them. While engaged to you and also hunting for condos.


And you continue to be insecure around her even believing that if your oldest friend moved into the condo with you and her, you would be cuckolded by him. By the way this does not say very much for the way you think of your "friend"- that he might do something like that.


And you now break up with her and she doesn't really know why (because you didn't even when she got pregnant by another man so why now). She still "loves" you but cannot understand why you broke up with her.


Please let me know if I got any of the above wrong. If not, then surely you can see that long distance combined with flirty good looking girl combined with extremely loose boundaries and being very experienced at lying is never going to work. You need to be clear on what you want out of a relationship, communicate it clearly to her and tell her that you do not believe her, and that is the reason you have broken up with her. Then move on and wisen up for your next relationship.


----------



## manfromlamancha

claire4orr said:


> am so blessed to have known michaelstealth you are god sent.i really
> appreciate working with you after you helped me discover my husband was
> cheating on me and all he asked for was his email and phone number, that
> way I was able to access all the information I needed .i am not ashamed to
> tell because i know alot of people need this too.
> [email protected]
> <javascript:_e(%7B%7D,'cvml',' [email protected] ');> is the best and
> assured person to run to for anything you need to fish out and any bone you
> wanna pick.i guaranty you.god bless you sir
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hang on, he's supposed to be working on recovering my Maltese Falcon from the other thread you posted on!?!?!?


----------



## happy as a clam

claire4orr said:


> am so blessed to have known michaelstealth you are god sent.i really
> appreciate working with you after you helped me discover my husband was
> cheating on me and all he asked for was his email and phone number, that
> way I was able to access all the information I needed .i am not ashamed to
> tell because i know alot of people need this too.
> [email protected]
> <javascript:_e(%7B%7D,'cvml',' [email protected] ');> is the best and
> assured person to run to for anything you need to fish out and any bone you
> wanna pick.i guaranty you.god bless you sir
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


claire... Thank you for sharing this very helpful information.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cgiles

I think you should read this book : https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


----------



## Popcorn2015

Driedlove said:


> Yes. She's my first girlfriend.


Marrying a girl who is more sexually experienced than you is just asking for trouble.

Also, I don't know what you were doing during the "long distance relationship", but she was getting strange D on a regular basis. No doubt about it.


Here's another picture from the country club. Which one is your GF?


----------



## Driedlove

I'm sorry I couldn't respond to everyone here. I'm so distraught, confused, and lost at this point.

The last few days have been pure hell for me, because I decided to talk to her again this Sunday since she's been texting EVERYONE ELSE about me and about how she would not cheat on me. She would constantly text my mom over and over, and my mom pressured me into trying to talk to her. She even told my mom she would commit suicide if I didn't respond (she said that on Saturday).

She was out of control. I gave in, then decided to talk to her since Sunday.


Here's the update:

I can't sleep. I'm convinced I really need to find myself a therapist. 

Just found out more secrets she has been hiding from me. I had to work really hard to get her to tell me what she has been lying about, and she finally admitted more deep secrets. 

This is just extremely painful. She's deaf, like I am, and I never cheated on her in my entire life. She was the one who cheated on me without mercy. She didn't care about the consequences. 

Just now, she admitted to me she cheated on me with one man before (in 2012 of winter) when she asked me to not text her for three months at the time. I always found it really weird when she told me that in 2012, so that's why I broke up with her in March of 2013. Anyway, until this day, she REFUSES to tell me the name, I told her it was okay to hide his name. She just told me she and he had sex with each other during these two months in 2012 while we were NOT texting each other at all at the time. That was the time when she and I were still dating, but were on a "break" from her request. After these suspicious two-month thing was over, I repetitively asked her why did she ask me to not text her for two months, she constantly told me she needed a break from people asking her when would she and I get married, and that she wanted to focus on her life first. She said she felt stressed out. That was her excuse before. Now, I know her REAL reason... she only said that to hide the fact that she was actually sleeping with another man behind my back FOR TWO MONTHS. She was stringing me along.

She told me she also had sex with two men after I broke up with her in 2013, and one of them had a wife. So, I was dating a cheater who had sex with a married man. Even worst, she had sex with that same married man twice (my opinion, she probably did so more than two times). 

Thankfully, I'm clean (got tested two weeks ago). Still hurts to know the love of my life would ever do this to me and not give a d**n about how much of a victim I was when she did it. 

Oh, yeah, this past Monday, I had a fight with her mom, because her mom couldn't show me evidence of DNA proof, restraining order against her daughter's "rapist" (my ex actually told me she had one against him, so she lied), and most importantly, a police report about her situation with a rapist. No proof of her being raped. At all. None. 

Even worst, she told me she DID give in, and WANTED to have sex with her "rapist". She even did a cowgirl sex position on top of him for three minutes long. She told me she decided to stop because she felt guilty. I think that's a lie, because I remember she told me last year that the "rapist" was the one who decided to stop having sex with her, and told her he felt guilty because he "forced" her. 

Apparently, my ex FOOLED EVERYONE AROUND HER THAT SHE IS NOT A CHEATER. She is THAT good. 

I feel sick.

I was NOT the only naïve one, but that all her friends and all her family are still naïve about her even MORE than I have been. They deny she would do anything like that to me only because they THINK they know her, and that she doesn't even look like the person who would cheat! She doesn't wear makeup, or ****ty outfit. None. She just wears normal clothes with jeans and tennis shoes. She doesn't wear tight clothes. She doesn't even try to do her hair, her hair is simple, and naturally draped down. She has always looked that way since high school.

This is mind-boggling to me, because it's just impossible to believe she would do anything THAT EVIL, especially when she had no problem doing it behind my back, then constantly lie to my face (like, over 50 times), even when I constantly bother her by asking her why she and I did the silent treatment in the mysterious two-months-thing, plus why her story with the "rapist" just wasn't convincing enough for me.

I asked her why couldn't she tell me the truth, she told me she was afraid of me, because she thinks I would beat her up for doing what she did. WOW. I'm the kind of person who HATES abusive husbands/boyfriends, and she thinks I would be one of them.


Worst girlfriend/fiancé of my life.


----------



## happy as a clam

Sorry for this whole mess you've had to deal with.

So then, you are broken up, right?

Please just stop talking to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## syhoybenden

Driedlove said:


> Worst girlfriend/fiancé of my life.


:iagree:

Make this your mantra to get you through your indecisive moments ahead.


----------



## Driedlove

happy as a clam said:


> Sorry for this whole mess you've had to deal with.
> 
> So then, you are broken up, right?
> 
> Please just stop talking to her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here's another problem. Three days ago, she already bought the flight ticket to fly over to visit me a day before Halloween, and stay for four days here. 

When my ex asked me if she could fly over to visit me three days ago, I wasn't sure what to decide, so I asked my mom if it's a good idea if I let her visit me, and she said yes (my mom knows about what happened between my ex and I, but she still has no idea about my ex's darkest secrets yesterday). 

Because I didn't know more of her dirty secrets until yesterday, she already bought the ticket two days ago in the morning. Because of what happened yesterday, she asked if she still could fly over, because she spent a lot of money for it already. There's no refund.


----------



## syhoybenden

Be a gentleman and book her a cheap motel room. Get them to stock it with brochures of touristy points of interest for the visitor.


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> Here's another problem. Three days ago, she already bought the flight ticket to fly over to visit me a day before Halloween, and stay for four days here.
> 
> When my ex asked me if she could fly over to visit me three days ago, I wasn't sure what to decide, so I asked my mom if it's a good idea if I let her visit me, and she said yes (my mom knows about what happened between my ex and I, but she still has no idea about my ex's darkest secrets yesterday).
> 
> Because I didn't know more of her dirty secrets until yesterday, she already bought the ticket two days ago in the morning. Because of what happened yesterday, she asked if she still could fly over, because she spent a lot of money for it already. There's no refund.


There's no refund?

And that's YOUR problem exactly how?

There is something seriously wrong with her.

It us possible she might have been sexually abused as a child. This is, sadly, more common amongst cheaters than you might think.

Whatever is wrong with her she needs a great deal of counselling and deep analysis.

Not saying you should stick with her l. Just that she needs help because het behaviour I'd extremely abnormal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Driedlove

MattMatt said:


> There's no refund?
> 
> And that's YOUR problem exactly how?
> 
> There is something seriously wrong with her.
> 
> It us possible she might have been sexually abused as a child. This is, sadly, more common amongst cheaters than you might think.
> 
> Whatever is wrong with her she needs a great deal of counselling and deep analysis.
> 
> Not saying you should stick with her l. Just that she needs help because het behaviour I'd extremely abnormal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's what I was thinking. This is why it's so hard for me to ignore her, afraid what she will do. What if the more I ignore her, she decides to commit suicide? My relationship with her is the LONGEST relationship she has ever had. Her past ex's broke up with her, and she told me she cried uncontrollably to the point of extreme depression. Her longest relationship before she dated me was 2 and a half years, and she was already thinking of committing suicide, because she couldn't stand the pain of losing someone she loved. My relationship with her is 4 years, and the fact that she IS my first and the only woman I ever lost my virginity to, it might be WORST for her if I really move on from her for real.

She might have bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure. 

I think I'm the only one of the very few who knows about her secrets. I refuse to expose her secrets to her family and friends, because the exposure would destroy her very badly, even worst, she might die from committing suicide if I never say anything to her for longer than a month or something.


----------



## Chaparral

She wont tell you who it was because its someone you know.


----------



## naiveonedave

if she threatens suicide, you need to call 911. She fired you from your position as her BF. You don't owe her anything.

On the other hand, you probably should expose, so she can get the help she needs....


----------



## workindad

OP- you know her better than we do. You also know and understand your needs and wants in life better than we do.

She does not sound like a reasonable person that will make a good wife or life partner. You are aware of that and what that means to you.

Personally, I would get away from her as fast as I could, but I'm not you.

If you want to see her, let her come for a visit. 

If you don't want to see her, then don't.

Either way, the decision for this part is yours. 

I suggest paying attention to her actions, not her words- assuming you decide to keep in communication with her.

Words can be meaningless and easy to say. Her actions, and feared actions do not align with her words. 

If she was really that concerned about losing you and your relationship- she would have placed a higher value on your feelings and would have stopped going to bars where she gets hit on routinely. Obviously, she values the attention from other men and her friends more than she values your feelings. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the read I get from what you write.

It's easy for me to type this from my keyboard and quite obvious to me. However, you are in charge of your life decisions. Personally, I don't see how you could possibly recover a relationship with her without her cutting ties with the wild single lifestyle. That would likely require her to relocate, not you. You also have trust issues with her as evidenced by your concern with her and your "friend". Of course, she has given you reason to be concerned and to not trust her judgement and her actions/intent. 

Factor all of that into your decision.

If you believe she is honestly suicidal, please contact her family and or professional mental health experts. You cannot take ownership of this problem.

Best 
WD


----------



## workindad

Also, if you do see her again, do not have unprotected sex with her. You do not need to get her pregnant. You also do not need a souvenir (STD) from one of her "ladies" nights out on the town.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Chaparral said:


> She wont tell you who it was because its someone you know.


Could it be your friend that she wanted to share the condo with ?


----------



## snerg

Driedlove said:


> That's what I was thinking. This is why it's so hard for me to ignore her, afraid what she will do. What if the more I ignore her, she decides to commit suicide? My relationship with her is the LONGEST relationship she has ever had. Her past ex's broke up with her, and she told me she cried uncontrollably to the point of extreme depression. Her longest relationship before she dated me was 2 and a half years, and she was already thinking of committing suicide, because she couldn't stand the pain of losing someone she loved. My relationship with her is 4 years, and the fact that she IS my first and the only woman I ever lost my virginity to, it might be WORST for her if I really move on from her for real.
> 
> She might have bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure.
> 
> I think I'm the only one of the very few who knows about her secrets. I refuse to expose her secrets to her family and friends, because the exposure would destroy her very badly, even worst, she might die from committing suicide if I never say anything to her for longer than a month or something.



Going to sound harsh and mean.
Are you for real?

does it say "Welcome" on your chest (as in door mat welcome)

You need to man up - big time.

You need to stop your co-dependency on her.
Get some therapy for yourself like yesterday.

If she threatens suicide, you call 911 (or what ever emergency number you have in you local) and get her the help she needs.

Beyond that, she has fired you as a BF/Fiance/person of intimacy.

She needs you for her ego kibble.

Stop feeding her.
Man up - cut the cord to her.
Go fix yourself.
Find someone that will love you and not cheat on you.

*YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT YOU HAVE NOW*


----------



## bandit.45

Driedlove said:


> I asked her why couldn't she tell me the truth, she told me she was afraid of me, because she thinks I would beat her up for doing what she did. WOW. I'm the kind of person who HATES abusive husbands/boyfriends, and she thinks I would be one of them.


:rofl:

Oh man....


Brother, walk away from this trainwreck of a human being and nevere ever talk to her again. 

Seriously...you need to stop talking, brailling, or signing or whatever...

Stop talking to her. 

Stop talking to her. 

Stop talking to her. 

Stop talking to her. 

Stop talking to her. 

Stop talking to her. 


Oh, did I say stop talking to her?


----------



## wmn1

I agree with Manfromlamancha's analysis on this thread from yesterday. he hit the nail on the ehad


----------



## ArmyofJuan

Driedlove said:


> I asked her why couldn't she tell me the truth, she told me she was afraid of me, because she thinks I would beat her up for doing what she did. WOW. I'm the kind of person who HATES abusive husbands/boyfriends, and she thinks I would be one of them.


This is a lie, she even wants to blameshift reasons for not being honest with you. 

As much as she told you don't be shocked if she is hiding more. There's no good reason to ever speak to her again (she isn't gonna kill herself, that's just more manipulation which she is apparently good at) so you need to be blocking her where possible. Your feelings for her are misplaced and as time goes on you will start to understand that.


----------



## TAMAT

Driedlove,

Whatever you do, do not under any circumstance kiss or have physical contact, you do not know what she was doing with other people and you do not want to get an STD from her.

It is very likely she is still having relations with others and you don't want to get a permanent STD.

Waywards minimize and she has likely only admitted to a small percentage.

There are no good long term prospects with this girl.

Tamat


----------



## FeministInPink

Driedlove said:


> That's what I was thinking. This is why it's so hard for me to ignore her, afraid what she will do. *What if the more I ignore her, she decides to commit suicide?* My relationship with her is the LONGEST relationship she has ever had. Her past ex's broke up with her, and she told me she cried uncontrollably to the point of extreme depression. Her longest relationship before she dated me was 2 and a half years, and she was already thinking of committing suicide, because she couldn't stand the pain of losing someone she loved. My relationship with her is 4 years, and the fact that she IS my first and the only woman I ever lost my virginity to, it might be WORST for her if I really move on from her for real.
> 
> She might have bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure.
> 
> I think I'm the only one of the very few who knows about her secrets. I refuse to expose her secrets to her family and friends, because the exposure would destroy her very badly, even worst, she might die from committing suicide if I never say anything to her for longer than a month or something.


Her suicide threats are a way to emotionally blackmail/manipulate you into staying.

*IF* she commits suicide, it is NOT because of you. You are NOT responsible for her actions. SHE is responsible for her actions, just as SHE is responsible for the consequences of her poor behavior.

And you should NOT give in to her demands because she threatens suicide. If you stick around and give in because of her threats, it will just begin a cycle and you will become trapped, held hostage by her threat of self-harm.

Here are two good articles with info about what to do if your (ex)partner commits suicide:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...t-do-when-feeling-manipulated-suicide-threats

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | When Your Partner Threatens Suicide

And don't listen to your mother. Your ex is manipulating your mother, and so your mother is giving you bad advice. There's a reason that your ex called your mom and threatened suicide, instead of threatening it to you directly, or to her own parents. Your ex is using your mom to get to you.

Don't see her. Tell her tough sh!t about the non-refundable airplane ticket. You have more info now, which you didn't have then (when you reluctantly agreed), and if you HAD that info, you wouldn't have agreed. In fact, you've realized that meeting at all is a bad idea and you should have never agreed in the first place.

She had the option to buy a refundable ticket, and she made the choice to buy a non-refundable ticket. That's her problem, not yours. (And even if it's non-refundable, for a fee she can still change the ticket, or exchange it for a voucher to use on another/different flight at a later time.)

And listen. You need to have a serious discussion with your mom. Does she really understand what your ex has done, and how she has treated you? I'm not sure your mother really gets it. You need to tell your mother 1) it is your decision to break up with your ex-fiance, and that position is not going to change; 2) ex-fiance is manipulative and a liar, and will stop at nothing, including lying to and manipulating everyone around her to get you back, which includes your mother, so your mother needs to be suspicious of everything ex-fiance says; 3) you are no longer speaking with ex-fiance, which means that you do not wish to receive any messages from ex-fiance via mother, and any such communications will be summarily ignored, and that in fact, it might be in your mother's best interest to also cease contact with ex-fiance as well, because she doesn't need to be caught up in your drama; and finally 4) your mother needs to support your decisions and what is best for YOU, not what is best for your ex-fiance, and what is best for YOU is breaking up with her and going cold turkey no contact, because ANY type of contact with crazy cheater leaves you vulnerable to her lies and manipulation, and your mother needs to be invested in protecting you, and not encouraging you to put yourself in a vulnerable situation.

Your mother sounds like a soft-hearted person, which is not bad, but it explains why many of us thought you to be naive earlier in the thread. It sounds like your mother wants to give everyone a second (and perhaps third and fourth) chance, and she probably overlooks all kinds of red flags, too. That is the ONLY reason I can imagine that she would encourage you to allow crazy cheater to visit you. (I'm also going to guess that people tend to take advantage of your mom--does that ever happen?)

The point is, this is YOUR life here. You can ask your mom for advice, but it doesn't mean she's right, and it doesn't mean you have to do what she says. You can ask her for advice, but you still have to make your own decisions for yourself. You have to listen to your gut.

What is your gut telling you?


----------



## Satya

You made a mistake by talking with her again. She probably felt by bearing her soul late (better late than never) there was hope you'd forgive and forget. 

She is not marriage material (repeat that to yourself every time you think "love of your life" - OK?) and if she acts up again, call 911 as others said. You can't help her. 

It's a gift that you came here. It's a gift that you shared and learned the TRUTH, even if it hurts. You are fine and will be miles better without her. Let her go and go dark to anything or anyone that tries to pull you back.


----------



## ThePheonix

Here's the thing about the plane ticket. It cost her the same whether she takes the flight or not. However, if the trip was on the agenda before you and her got into all this, perhaps you need to consider refunding her the money. It will relieve you of any obligation, either consciously of subconsciously.


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> I'm sorry I couldn't respond to everyone here. I'm so distraught, confused, and lost at this point.
> 
> The last few days have been pure hell for me, because I decided to talk to her again this Sunday since she's been texting EVERYONE ELSE about me and about how she would not cheat on me. She would constantly text my mom over and over, and my mom pressured me into trying to talk to her. She even told my mom she would commit suicide if I didn't respond (she said that on Saturday).
> 
> She was out of control. I gave in, then decided to talk to her since Sunday.
> 
> 
> Here's the update:
> 
> I can't sleep. I'm convinced I really need to find myself a therapist.
> 
> Just found out more secrets she has been hiding from me. I had to work really hard to get her to tell me what she has been lying about, and she finally admitted more deep secrets.
> 
> This is just extremely painful. She's deaf, like I am, and I never cheated on her in my entire life. She was the one who cheated on me without mercy. She didn't care about the consequences.
> 
> Just now, she admitted to me she cheated on me with one man before (in 2012 of winter) when she asked me to not text her for three months at the time. I always found it really weird when she told me that in 2012, so that's why I broke up with her in March of 2013. Anyway, until this day, she REFUSES to tell me the name, I told her it was okay to hide his name. She just told me she and he had sex with each other during these two months in 2012 while we were NOT texting each other at all at the time. That was the time when she and I were still dating, but were on a "break" from her request. After these suspicious two-month thing was over, I repetitively asked her why did she ask me to not text her for two months, she constantly told me she needed a break from people asking her when would she and I get married, and that she wanted to focus on her life first. She said she felt stressed out. That was her excuse before. Now, I know her REAL reason... she only said that to hide the fact that she was actually sleeping with another man behind my back FOR TWO MONTHS. She was stringing me along.
> 
> She told me she also had sex with two men after I broke up with her in 2013, and one of them had a wife. So, I was dating a cheater who had sex with a married man. Even worst, she had sex with that same married man twice (my opinion, she probably did so more than two times).
> 
> Thankfully, I'm clean (got tested two weeks ago). Still hurts to know the love of my life would ever do this to me and not give a d**n about how much of a victim I was when she did it.
> 
> Oh, yeah, this past Monday, I had a fight with her mom, because her mom couldn't show me evidence of DNA proof, restraining order against her daughter's "rapist" (my ex actually told me she had one against him, so she lied), and most importantly, a police report about her situation with a rapist. No proof of her being raped. At all. None.
> 
> Even worst, she told me she DID give in, and WANTED to have sex with her "rapist". She even did a cowgirl sex position on top of him for three minutes long. She told me she decided to stop because she felt guilty. I think that's a lie, because I remember she told me last year that the "rapist" was the one who decided to stop having sex with her, and told her he felt guilty because he "forced" her.
> 
> Apparently, my ex FOOLED EVERYONE AROUND HER THAT SHE IS NOT A CHEATER. She is THAT good.
> 
> I feel sick.
> 
> I was NOT the only naïve one, but that all her friends and all her family are still naïve about her even MORE than I have been. They deny she would do anything like that to me only because they THINK they know her, and that she doesn't even look like the person who would cheat! She doesn't wear makeup, or ****ty outfit. None. She just wears normal clothes with jeans and tennis shoes. She doesn't wear tight clothes. She doesn't even try to do her hair, her hair is simple, and naturally draped down. She has always looked that way since high school.
> 
> This is mind-boggling to me, because it's just impossible to believe she would do anything THAT EVIL, especially when she had no problem doing it behind my back, then constantly lie to my face (like, over 50 times), even when I constantly bother her by asking her why she and I did the silent treatment in the mysterious two-months-thing, plus why her story with the "rapist" just wasn't convincing enough for me.
> 
> I asked her why couldn't she tell me the truth, she told me she was afraid of me, because she thinks I would beat her up for doing what she did. WOW. I'm the kind of person who HATES abusive husbands/boyfriends, and she thinks I would be one of them.
> 
> 
> Worst girlfriend/fiancé of my life.


Dude. I'm going to be really, brutally honest w/ you right now.

If you're still talking w/ her AT ALL after learning all of ^this^, then you deserve pretty much whatever you have coming to you from here on out.

This woman is a pathological liar and an unrepentant, serial cheat.

Dump her.

Immediately.

Permanently.

Do whatever you have to do in order to ensure that she can never contact you again: if necessary, change your phone number(s) and e-mail addresses, close any existing social media accounts, etc. Ask your mother to consider doing the same as well, and then tell her that you NEVER want to discuss this woman ever again.

Also contact her family in order to let them know that she's been threatening suicide. Give that whatever proof they need to get them to believe you.

Then go dark.

No contact.

With either her or her family.

EVER again.


----------



## helolover

^^ this times 100. 

She is a borderline and you cannot fix this. Ever.

HL


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Ok I'm pretty direct in my opinions normally but I sense a difference in processing information and picking up on emotions and intentions among the deaf.

That goes for both you and her...

I am really really glad you spoke with her. You were able to start to get a realistic picture of the situation. And she was able to start to confess some pretty rotten things.

Regarding suicide - always take that seriously and don't take it upon yourself. Start by contacting both of your parents and relay your concerns for her / say exactly what she told you about suicide. Tell her mom you are looking for her to protect her daughter and get her help. Don't worry about stigmatizing her - that ship sailed when she threatened suicide. Tell others and feel good about yourself.

Next, be open and honest with your parents and her parents about her chapter and behavior. You are not betraying her - you are showing compassion and trying to let her family know she needs help. If you tell them out of concern and not anger they may be able to listen. Of course they may not but you will have dibs your job. She will probably need counseling to help her understand why she is sabotaging her relationships.

Also - continue to show her compassion but let her know you can't continue to see her as a boyfriend. Tell her you have hard boundaries and the lying, deception and cheating crossed too many borders to recover from )if you feel that way). Let her know you are sad and grieving over your list relationship because you had hoped for much more. The purpose of this is to let her know you aren't some jerk dumping her - but are a betrayed BF who is sad the relationship is over. There is a slim chance she will see it is her fault and may not go ariund bad mouthing you as much.

I wouldn't see her alone - she may lie and say you physically abused her. She seems to be setting you up for those allegations. If you must let her travel do get her a room and only see her with someone else around.

She could have been abused, she cod be taken advantage of by bad friends, she could be manipulative and a narcissistic. We don't know enough.

If you do these sorts of things and she is actually a good person who was abused, and gets counseling to fix her character flaws, you could always resume dating in the future of things improve.

In the end you have to decide which advice is most appropriate - we are guessing based on the little we know.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

But I would add - this relationship as it currently stands should not continue. Whether a new one can start after a lot of work is done is anyone's guess. Most here would say no way - but the betrayed partners usually have a hard time letting go. The fact that you're both deaf and grew up together makes these attachments so much stronger. Just being realistic.


----------



## Dyokemm

Chaparral said:


> She wont tell you who it was because its someone you know.


I agree.

There is no reason to hide the name otherwise.

He lives STATES away.....not like he's going to go on a wild goose chase across Colorado looking for a complete stranger.


----------



## eric1

For you to even start to heal you need complete and unconditional no contact. She uses contact points as opportunities to manipulate rather than, well, anything else.

This will NEVER change.

Go dark and do not let your family, or hers, be conduit for further manipulation. It's your decision and your decision alone.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

Refund her the plane ticket then leave her. She is out of your life. They weren't just old infidelities. And not just a few of them. Let's get back to the "country club" (I love that).

YOU guys have been long distance for how long? And she's been partying at this place weekly+ for how long? She had her rapists baby and was itching to get back immediately afterwards?

Dude. That place exists purely for the purposes of men and women hooking up. That is one hell of a party bar. Do you have any idea how many men she has partied with over the years? She has had a lot of physical contact with men. Your BEST case scenario is that some naughty parts rubbed together through their clothes on the dance floor. That is BEST case, and I doubt it stopped there.

You may be into that. Let her sow her oats before she settles down with you. Not a bad strategy probably. For some people. Not you though.

Please stop looking back. No more calls. No more Moms. And NO FRIGGIN' TRIPS OUT TO SEE YOU!!!!! It's over dude. PLEASE accept that.


----------



## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> Dude. I'm going to be really, brutally honest w/ you right now.
> 
> If you're still talking w/ her AT ALL after learning all of ^this^, then you deserve pretty much whatever you have coming to you from here on out.
> 
> This woman is a pathological liar and an unrepentant, serial cheat.
> 
> Dump her.
> 
> Immediately.
> 
> Permanently.
> 
> Do whatever you have to do in order to ensure that she can never contact you again: if necessary, change your phone number(s) and e-mail addresses, close any existing social media accounts, etc. Ask your mother to consider doing the same as well, and then tell her that you NEVER want to discuss this woman ever again.
> 
> Also contact her family in order to let them know that she's been threatening suicide. Give that whatever proof they need to get them to believe you.
> 
> Then go dark.
> 
> No contact.
> 
> With either her or her family.
> 
> EVER again.



I know you know more about relationships than I do and that I should listen to every word or your wisdom you just told me, but none of them are easy for me to do. Why? My friends and family make it very difficult for my break up to actually work, they all want me back with her, and they all believe her to not be a cheater at all. It's especially harder since this was/is my very first long term relationship with a serious girlfriend of (sorta) four years. I even tried so hard to break up, but it feels like none of my closest family or friends would let me do that.

If she doesn't like me, then she wouldn't be dating me at all at this point. If she doesn't respect me, she would just break up with me and be done with it a long time ago. Why would she spend so much money to fly across the state to see me? If she was a cheater, would she still pay $200 for flight to see me if our relationship is falling apart? I mean, if she really cheats, she would just find another guy to cheat on anyway? Why would she go through all the trouble to see me again instead? 

We visited each other so many times. So much money for flights and car travels. We actually visited to each other 15 times over the last four years. 

Also, no contact with her means NO CONTACT WITH ANYONE, even my closest friends/families if I really want to END IT with her. That's too hard.


----------



## Driedlove

TheTruthHurts said:


> But I would add - this relationship as it currently stands should not continue. Whether a new one can start after a lot of work is done is anyone's guess. Most here would say no way - but the betrayed partners usually have a hard time letting go. The fact that you're both deaf and grew up together makes these attachments so much stronger. Just being realistic.


Thank you for all your posts. I think you're the only most sane person of this thread. Others are just mindlessly telling me to do these things while they're very hard to do (and easy for them to say).


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> I know you know more about relationships than I do and that I should listen to every word or your wisdom you just told me, but none of them are easy for me to do. Why? My friends and family make it very difficult for my break up to actually work, they all want me back with her, and they all believe her to not be a cheater at all. It's especially harder since this was/is my very first long term relationship with a serious girlfriend of (sorta) four years. I even tried so hard to break up, but it feels like none of my closest family or friends would let me do that.
> 
> If she doesn't like me, then she wouldn't be dating me at all at this point. If she doesn't respect me, she would just break up with me and be done with it a long time ago. Why would she spend so much money to fly across the state to see me? If she was a cheater, would she still pay $200 for flight to see me if our relationship is falling apart? I mean, if she really cheats, she would just find another guy to cheat on anyway? Why would she go through all the trouble to see me again instead?
> 
> We visited each other so many times. So much money for flights and car travels. We actually visited to each other 15 times over the last four years.
> 
> Also, no contact with her means NO CONTACT WITH ANYONE, even my closest friends/families if I really want to END IT with her. That's too hard.


Your poor, poor bastard.

I feel so badly for you.

You have YEARS of pain, self-loathing, lies, and disrespect ahead of you.

Prepare yourself for it.

More to come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Driedlove said:


> I know you know more about relationships than I do and that I should listen to every word or your wisdom you just told me, but none of them are easy for me to do. Why? My friends and family make it very difficult for my break up to actually work, they all want me back with her, and they all believe her to not be a cheater at all. It's especially harder since this was/is my very first long term relationship with a serious girlfriend of (sorta) four years. I even tried so hard to break up, but it feels like none of my closest family or friends would let me do that.
> 
> If she doesn't like me, then she wouldn't be dating me at all at this point. If she doesn't respect me, she would just break up with me and be done with it a long time ago. Why would she spend so much money to fly across the state to see me? If she was a cheater, would she still pay $200 for flight to see me if our relationship is falling apart? I mean, if she really cheats, she would just find another guy to cheat on anyway? Why would she go through all the trouble to see me again instead?
> 
> We visited each other so many times. So much money for flights and car travels. We actually visited to each other 15 times over the last four years.
> 
> Also, *no contact with her means NO CONTACT WITH ANYONE, even my closest friends/families if I really want to END IT with her. *That's too hard.


That is very hard to believe. Why in the world would all of your family and friends choose her over you? You mean to tell us that if you cut her out of your life that your family and friends drop you? 

If that's the case, then change your name and social security number if possible, move away and start completely fresh somewhere else. Damn that's messed up.


----------



## TDSC60

Please do not let friends and family control your future.

SHE ADMITTED TO CHEATING WITH NUMEROUS MEN NUMEROUS TIMES!! Tell them that.

Make up your own mind.


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> I know you know more about relationships than I do and that I should listen to every word or your wisdom you just told me, but none of them are easy for me to do. Why? My friends and family make it very difficult for my break up to actually work, they all want me back with her, and they all believe her to not be a cheater at all. It's especially harder since this was/is my very first long term relationship with a serious girlfriend of (sorta) four years. I even tried so hard to break up, but it feels like none of my closest family or friends would let me do that.
> 
> If she doesn't like me, then she wouldn't be dating me at all at this point. If she doesn't respect me, she would just break up with me and be done with it a long time ago. Why would she spend so much money to fly across the state to see me? If she was a cheater, would she still pay $200 for flight to see me if our relationship is falling apart? I mean, if she really cheats, she would just find another guy to cheat on anyway? Why would she go through all the trouble to see me again instead?
> 
> We visited each other so many times. So much money for flights and car travels. We actually visited to each other 15 times over the last four years.
> 
> Also, no contact with her means NO CONTACT WITH ANYONE, even my closest friends/families if I really want to END IT with her. That's too hard.


Why would she cheat on you, yet also love you?

Because she is a cake eater, she wants you and she wants the ability to, here's an old expression for you, cat around on you at the same time.

So long as she doesn't give you an STD or get pregnant by a lover...


----------



## Driedlove

GusPolinski said:


> Your poor, poor bastard.
> 
> I feel so badly for you.
> 
> You have YEARS of pain, self-loathing, lies, and disrespect ahead of you.
> 
> Prepare yourself for it.
> 
> More to come.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How are you so confident that she'll cheat on me or lie to me again even if you have never met her in your life? 

Just today, my gf's friend, Sara, blocked her in facebook, because my gf refuses to go clubbing with her again. It sounds like Sara was the one trying to brainwash her for going and controlling her. Sara is deaf, like her, and she has no deaf girl friend who was willing to go to the club with her, so she tried to pull my gf (who's also deaf) into going with her. I think she handpicked my gf cuz I'm the one who lives far away. When my gf was visiting me last week, out of the blue, I instantly pulled her phone out of her hand when she was texting someone, and caught Sara texting her telling her how much she missed her for going to the bar with her. I told my gf to stop going to the bar with Sara, and my gf told me I was controlling her. I was fed up with that response, so I pulled her phone out of her hand again, and caught that Sara was the one texting her by saying I was controlling my gf. I think my gf was brainwashed by Sara. 

I mean, Sara BLOCKED her just because gf refused to go clubbing with her again. That sounds like the person who is controlling and manipulative.


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> How are you so confident that she'll cheat on me or lie to me again even if you have never met her in your life?
> 
> Just today, my gf's friend, Sara, blocked her in facebook, because my gf refuses to go clubbing with her again. It sounds like Sara was the one trying to brainwash her for going and controlling her. Sara is deaf, like her, and she has no deaf girl friend who was willing to go to the club with her, so she tried to pull my gf (who's also deaf) into going with her. I think she handpicked my gf cuz I'm the one who lives far away. When my gf was visiting me last week, out of the blue, I instantly pulled her phone out of her hand when she was texting someone, and caught Sara texting her telling her how much she missed her for going to the bar with her. I told my gf to stop going to the bar with Sara, and my gf told me I was controlling her. I was fed up with that response, so I pulled her phone out of her hand again, and caught that Sara was the one texting her by saying I was controlling my gf. I think my gf was brainwashed by Sara.
> 
> I mean, Sara BLOCKED her just because gf refused to go clubbing with her again. That sounds like the person who is controlling and manipulative.


:slap:

I'm _really_ tempted to not say anything else, especially since you seem content to roast in a Hell of your own making.

Can't do that, though.

For now I'll say this...

It's pretty clear that your core issue is that you've devalued yourself to such a degree that you're content to stay in a relationship w/ a woman that not only lied to you about having been raped (and if she hadn't gotten pregnant, she'd have never said anything about it), but has cheated on you w/ guy after guy after guy after guy after guy... 

...just so that you won't be alone.

Be back later. Need to get started on dinner.


----------



## Driedlove

TDSC60 said:


> Please do not let friends and family control your future.
> 
> SHE ADMITTED TO CHEATING WITH NUMEROUS MEN NUMEROUS TIMES!! Tell them that.
> 
> Make up your own mind.


She ADMITTED instead of being CAUGHT. If caught cheating, then it's a lot easier for me to break up with her, but if she admitted it herself (without being caught), then it's a little bit harder for me to break off my relationship with her. 

I told my mom about her cheating, and she told me I should move on and give her a second chance. Heck, a few days before my gf's visit, my mom bought $1000 engagement ring for me to use to propose to my gf, then PUSHED me to propose to my gf while videotaping the proposal. It's that hard to break up. 

Yes, I proposed to her, but I still have the ring with me (she didn't take it with her), because both my gf and I agreed it was not the right time. Gf and I know we still have issues to get across first before we get engaged again.


----------



## syhoybenden

Does mummy still have you using a sippy-cup?

I mean to say, come on man .... it's YOUR life. Right? ... Right?


----------



## TDSC60

Driedlove said:


> I'm sorry I couldn't respond to everyone here. I'm so distraught, confused, and lost at this point.
> 
> The last few days have been pure hell for me, because I decided to talk to her again this Sunday since she's been texting EVERYONE ELSE about me and about how she would not cheat on me. She would constantly text my mom over and over, and my mom pressured me into trying to talk to her. She even told my mom she would commit suicide if I didn't respond (she said that on Saturday).
> 
> She was out of control. I gave in, then decided to talk to her since Sunday.
> 
> 
> Here's the update:
> 
> I can't sleep. I'm convinced I really need to find myself a therapist.
> 
> Just found out more secrets she has been hiding from me. I had to work really hard to get her to tell me what she has been lying about, and she finally admitted more deep secrets.
> 
> This is just extremely painful. She's deaf, like I am, and I never cheated on her in my entire life. She was the one who cheated on me without mercy. She didn't care about the consequences.
> 
> Just now, she admitted to me she cheated on me with one man before (in 2012 of winter) when she asked me to not text her for three months at the time. I always found it really weird when she told me that in 2012, so that's why I broke up with her in March of 2013. Anyway, until this day, she REFUSES to tell me the name, I told her it was okay to hide his name. She just told me she and he had sex with each other during these two months in 2012 while we were NOT texting each other at all at the time. That was the time when she and I were still dating, but were on a "break" from her request. After these suspicious two-month thing was over, I repetitively asked her why did she ask me to not text her for two months, she constantly told me she needed a break from people asking her when would she and I get married, and that she wanted to focus on her life first. She said she felt stressed out. That was her excuse before. Now, I know her REAL reason... she only said that to hide the fact that she was actually sleeping with another man behind my back FOR TWO MONTHS. She was stringing me along.
> 
> She told me she also had sex with two men after I broke up with her in 2013, and one of them had a wife. So, I was dating a cheater who had sex with a married man. Even worst, she had sex with that same married man twice (my opinion, she probably did so more than two times).
> 
> Thankfully, I'm clean (got tested two weeks ago). Still hurts to know the love of my life would ever do this to me and not give a d**n about how much of a victim I was when she did it.
> 
> Oh, yeah, this past Monday, I had a fight with her mom, because her mom couldn't show me evidence of DNA proof, restraining order against her daughter's "rapist" (my ex actually told me she had one against him, so she lied), and most importantly, a police report about her situation with a rapist. No proof of her being raped. At all. None.
> 
> Even worst, she told me she DID give in, and WANTED to have sex with her "rapist". She even did a cowgirl sex position on top of him for three minutes long. She told me she decided to stop because she felt guilty. I think that's a lie, because I remember she told me last year that the "rapist" was the one who decided to stop having sex with her, and told her he felt guilty because he "forced" her.
> 
> Apparently, my ex FOOLED EVERYONE AROUND HER THAT SHE IS NOT A CHEATER. She is THAT good.
> 
> I feel sick.
> 
> I was NOT the only naïve one, but that all her friends and all her family are still naïve about her even MORE than I have been. They deny she would do anything like that to me only because they THINK they know her, and that she doesn't even look like the person who would cheat! She doesn't wear makeup, or ****ty outfit. None. She just wears normal clothes with jeans and tennis shoes. She doesn't wear tight clothes. She doesn't even try to do her hair, her hair is simple, and naturally draped down. She has always looked that way since high school.
> 
> This is mind-boggling to me, because it's just impossible to believe she would do anything THAT EVIL, especially when she had no problem doing it behind my back, then constantly lie to my face (like, over 50 times), even when I constantly bother her by asking her why she and I did the silent treatment in the mysterious two-months-thing, plus why her story with the "rapist" just wasn't convincing enough for me.
> 
> I asked her why couldn't she tell me the truth, she told me she was afraid of me, because she thinks I would beat her up for doing what she did. WOW. I'm the kind of person who HATES abusive husbands/boyfriends, and she thinks I would be one of them.
> 
> 
> Worst girlfriend/fiancé of my life.


Even after all of this.........you are still defending her.

How do we know she will cheat again and lie about it? Because that is what serial cheaters do. 

Serial cheaters have a basic character flaw that cannot be simply switched off. It is as much a part of them as the color of their eyes. It can be covered up or hidden for a time, but never really changes.

Precede at your own risk.


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> How are you so confident that she'll cheat on me or lie to me again even if you have never met her in your life?
> 
> Just today, my gf's friend, Sara, blocked her in facebook, because my gf refuses to go clubbing with her again. It sounds like Sara was the one trying to brainwash her for going and controlling her. Sara is deaf, like her, and she has no deaf girl friend who was willing to go to the club with her, so she tried to pull my gf (who's also deaf) into going with her. I think she handpicked my gf cuz I'm the one who lives far away. When my gf was visiting me last week, out of the blue, I instantly pulled her phone out of her hand when she was texting someone, and caught Sara texting her telling her how much she missed her for going to the bar with her. I told my gf to stop going to the bar with Sara, and my gf told me I was controlling her. I was fed up with that response, so I pulled her phone out of her hand again, and caught that Sara was the one texting her by saying I was controlling my gf. I think my gf was brainwashed by Sara.
> 
> I mean, Sara BLOCKED her just because gf refused to go clubbing with her again. That sounds like the person who is controlling and manipulative.


Because we have seen it all before, sadly.

Cheaters generally follow the cheater's script. Meaning they all, pretty much, do the same stuff as other cheaters at about the same time as every other cheater in their relationships.

She might be different. But if she is, you'll always be waiting for the other shoes to drop, as it were.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Driedlove,

no matter what advice we give you, what experience we can share with you, you will do what you have to do, it is after all your life, but mark our words, she has been lying to you, she had a kids with someone else while dating you, (if you think we believe that rape case we don't, if you do then fine), she tells you its a country club and instead it turns out to be a meat joint....but like i said its up to you, but when you are sitting on the couch one night while she is out partying and your stuck with the kid, i want you to remember our words and then i want you to look directly in a mirror and repeat the words " God i am an idiot" 


Because in the end you do not have to ask our premission to screw up your life.


----------



## Driedlove

TDSC60 said:


> Even after all of this.........you are still defending her.
> 
> How do we know she will cheat again and lie about it? Because that is what serial cheaters do.
> 
> Serial cheaters have a basic character flaw that cannot be simply switched off. It is as much a part of them as the color of their eyes. It can be covered up or hidden for a time, but never really changes.
> 
> Precede at your own risk.



Maybe I will never understand how serial cheaters still cheat over and over again.

It just doesn't make sense! I'm sure if I cheat on my gf, I would never want to risk cheating on her again. 

Why would someone cheat once, and then continue to do it until he/she dies? It's too surreal.

I have read a lot of posts about cheating, and it's unbelievable how many cheaters continue to cheat so many times. No matter if they have relationship for 2 years or 20 years, one of them cheats notoriously. 

I admit it's difficult for me to even accept I'm one of the victims.


----------



## Driedlove

Xenote said:


> Driedlove,
> 
> not matter what advice we give you, what experience we can share with you, you will do what you have to do, it is after all your life, but mark our words, she has been lying to you, she had a kids with someone else while dating you, (if you think we believe that rape case we don't, if you do then fine), she tells you its a country club and instead it turns out to be a meat joint....but like i said its up to you, but when you are sitting on the couch one night while she is out partying and your stuck with the kid, i want you to remember our words and then i want you to look directly in a mirror and repeat the words " God i am an idiot"
> 
> 
> Because in the end you do not have to ask our premission to screw up your life.


That's why I came back here. I came back here to talk about my problem, and the problem is how difficult it is for me to STAY AWAY from her because of what happened. Almost everybody (of whom I know for a long time) kept pushing me to go back in relationship with her even after all the stupid things she has done. 

My mom, especially, makes this relationship almost impossible to handle. My mom basically raised me all her life (I was raised without a father), and she is an regional apartment manager who has seen a lot of relationships in different apartments. She saw cheating, men getting kicked out, domestic violence, different relationship dramas, etc. 

I know my gf has done stupid things, but even my mom felt bad for her (even after all the crazy relationship dramas my mom has witnessed from different apartments for years). 

I know this sounds crazy, but after my mom told me why I should try to give gf a second chance, it feels like I would be at risk to break up with an innocent girl who only made a few mistakes and was only trying to make everything right?


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> Maybe I will never understand how serial cheaters still cheat over and over again.
> 
> It just doesn't make sense! I'm sure if I cheat on my gf, I would never want to risk cheating on her again.
> 
> Why would someone cheat once, and then continue to do it until he/she dies? It's too surreal.
> 
> I have read a lot of posts about cheating, and it's unbelievable how many cheaters continue to cheat so many times. No matter if they have relationship for 2 years or 20 years, one of them cheats notoriously.
> 
> I admit it's difficult for me to even accept I'm one of the victims.


This is because you are normal, whilst a serial cheater is abnormal.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Driedlove said:


> That's why I came back here. I came back here to talk about my problem, and the problem is how difficult it is for me to STAY AWAY from her because of what happened. Almost everybody (of whom I know for a long time) kept pushing me to go back in relationship with her even after all the stupid things she has done.
> 
> My mom, especially, makes this relationship almost impossible to handle. My mom basically raised me all her life (I was raised without a father), and she is an regional apartment manager who has seen a lot of relationships in different apartments. She saw cheating, men getting kicked out, domestic violence, different relationship dramas, etc.
> 
> I know my gf has done stupid things, but even my mom felt bad for her (even after all the crazy relationship dramas my mom has witnessed from different apartments for years).
> 
> I know this sounds crazy, but after my mom told me why I should try to give gf a second chance, it feels like I would be at risk to break up with an innocent girl who only made a few mistakes and was only trying to make everything right?


That maybe all well and good but it's not her life, it's yours.....everybody can have an opinion in this but the only opinion that matters in the end is yours....if you know in your heart she is wrong for you the that is what you tell everyone.


----------



## aine

Driedlove said:


> She ADMITTED instead of being CAUGHT. If caught cheating, then it's a lot easier for me to break up with her, but if she admitted it herself (without being caught), then it's a little bit harder for me to break off my relationship with her.
> 
> I told my mom about her cheating, and she told me I should move on and give her a second chance. Heck, a few days before my gf's visit, my mom bought $1000 engagement ring for me to use to propose to my gf, then PUSHED me to propose to my gf while videotaping the proposal. It's that hard to break up.
> 
> Yes, I proposed to her, but I still have the ring with me (she didn't take it with her), because both my gf and I agreed it was not the right time. Gf and I know we still have issues to get across first before we get engaged again.


DL, I am a mother of a just turned adult and I would never encourage her to stay with someone who is as damaged as your GF. 

You seem to have such a low opinion of yourself that you do not think you are worthy of a loving SO who will treat you with honesty and integrity. 
You are walking into a disaster but seem intent (in spite of all the advice here) on doing so, it is like watching a self- destruct in motion.

As my grandmother would say, we tried to tell you but 'you made your bed so lie in it', you will get no justifications here for her behaviour or for your responses to it either.


----------



## Driedlove

aine said:


> You seem to have such a low opinion of yourself that you do not think you are worthy of a loving SO who will treat you with honesty and integrity.


Okay. You kinda hit me hard when you said this.


----------



## Driedlove

She visited me last week. Impossible to avoid this, because I don't have the money to pay for her flight, don't have money to pay for motel or hotel for her to stay, my mom and her fiancé were sick on the day my gf visited here, so we can't stay there longer than two days. We later got sick from them, because we stayed there for two nights. 

The first two days of her visit, we didn't have sex at all, because I wanted us to stay at my mom's for two nights. I was even afraid to kiss her.

After two nights stay at my mom's, gf stayed at my place. We still didn't have sex that night. We started to kiss, because she was sad we were not kissing.

The fourth day, she begged me to have sex again, but I told her only once with a condom. We did so.

The fifth night, she begged me for more sex, but WITHOUT a condom, but I still insisted on wearing a condom. We had sex a lot more that night. I'm still not happy I did that, but how could I avoid this? It's too difficult for me to resist sex to a woman with beautiful legs and a cute face, especially if she's the only person I had sex with in my entire life. 

(She has birth control, a special kind that was implanted in her arm, called Implanon. I felt it in her arm, it was there. Also felt the tight string in there, too. Before she got pregnant with another guy's baby, I believe she pulled out her birth control, so after her son was born, her parents spent a lot of money for her to use implanon birth control inside her arm)

She told me she set up an appointment for STD/HIV test for next week on November 9th to prove to me she is clean. 

Since my last post here in this forum, I couldn't go back to TAM, because every time I do, I would get addicted to read so many posts from victims who went through infidelity. It didn't feel healthy for me to read these horrific true life infidelity stories, so I stopped. Now that I dropped my gf off at the airport Wed (or Tues?), I feel tempted to go back to reading more posts in TAM, because my gf still believes in "forgetting the past and moving on while staying in relationship", which I always think is utterly impossible to do.


----------



## SoulStorm

Driedlove said:


> She visited me last week. Impossible to avoid this, because I don't have the money to pay for her flight, don't have money to pay for motel or hotel for her to stay, my mom and her fiancé were sick on the day my gf visited here, so we can't stay there longer than two days. We later got sick from them, because we stayed there for two nights.
> 
> The first two days of her visit, we didn't have sex at all, because I wanted us to stay at my mom's for two nights. I was even afraid to kiss her.
> 
> After two nights stay at my mom's, gf stayed at my place. We still didn't have sex that night. We started to kiss, because she was sad we were not kissing.
> 
> The fourth day, she begged me to have sex again, but I told her only once with a condom. We did so.
> 
> The fifth night, she begged me for more sex, but WITHOUT a condom, but I still insisted on wearing a condom. We had sex a lot more that night. I'm still not happy I did that, but how could I avoid this? It's too difficult for me to resist sex to a woman with beautiful legs and a cute face, especially if she's the only person I had sex with in my entire life.
> 
> (She has birth control, a special kind that was implanted in her arm, called Implanon. I felt it in her arm, it was there. Also felt the tight string in there, too. Before she got pregnant with another guy's baby, I believe she pulled out her birth control, so after her son was born, her parents spent a lot of money for her to use implanon birth control inside her arm)
> 
> She told me she set up an appointment for STD/HIV test for next week on November 9th to prove to me she is clean.
> 
> Since my last post here in this forum, I couldn't go back to TAM, because every time I do, I would get addicted to read so many posts from victims who went through infidelity. It didn't feel healthy for me to read these horrific true life infidelity stories, so I stopped. Now that I dropped my gf off at the airport Wed (or Tues?), I feel tempted to go back to reading more posts in TAM, because my gf still believes in "forgetting the past and moving on while staying in relationship", which I always think is utterly impossible to do.



If you marry this girl, you are setting yourself up to be hurt in the future. In her current state, she will cheat again should the opportunity arise. You deserve better than that and you should not think so lowly of yourself that you would get engaged to and marry a girl who clearly has boundary issues. This girl has cheated with multiple guys and numerous times. Putting an engagement ring on her finger won't change that. She needs some help. She sounds like she has been abused or has some type of disorder that gives her weak boundaries or crave male attention with dysfunction.


----------



## BrokenLady

DriedLove Quote - "(She has birth control, a special kind that was implanted in her arm, called Implanon. I felt it in her arm, it was there. Also felt the tight string in there, too. Before she got pregnant with another guy's baby, I believe she pulled out her birth control, so after her son was born, her parents spent a lot of money for her to use implanon birth control inside her arm)".


You can tell from the posts I've previously made on your thread that I've been REALLY trying to give your Gf the benefit of doubt. 

What you are describing above is the sort of thing parents of mentally retarded or very damaged daughters have to do! You've gone from saying she was raped...too...it was/or became voluntary...too...She INTENTIONALLY got herself pregnant! 

Her family have decided she isn't 'fit' to raise her own child. That made some sense when I thought she was raped. Why did she choose to MAKE & HAVE a baby that she couldn't raise?

Why did her parents have Implanon implanted? 

You're describing a young lady with sexual/promiscuity issues AND a young lady who is VERY mentally damaged.

Are you sure of the things you're saying? How do you explain these things to yourself when you think about them? PLEASE answer this. It's very, very important to our understanding of your situation.

I'm so sorry. I know that she's your first girlfriend & you waited a long time to find someone. I know that you're incredibly attracted to her & you love her very much AND she's VERY affectionate & sexual. I understand that both being deaf does give you a bond & apparent understanding.

I know that it's easier for deaf women to get partners because there are some men who are drawn to feeling protective of their woman. It's harder for deaf men to get dates BUT the way you perceive yourself is a bigger hinderence to you than being deaf in your love life!! 

As I've said before I've been part of a deaf & deaf blind social group. I've known many deaf men with lovely Gf's & wives.


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> She visited me last week. Impossible to avoid this, because I don't have the money to pay for her flight, don't have money to pay for motel or hotel for her to stay, my mom and her fiancé were sick on the day my gf visited here, so we can't stay there longer than two days. We later got sick from them, because we stayed there for two nights.
> 
> The first two days of her visit, we didn't have sex at all, because I wanted us to stay at my mom's for two nights. I was even afraid to kiss her.
> 
> After two nights stay at my mom's, gf stayed at my place. We still didn't have sex that night. We started to kiss, because she was sad we were not kissing.
> 
> The fourth day, she begged me to have sex again, but I told her only once with a condom. We did so.
> 
> The fifth night, she begged me for more sex, but WITHOUT a condom, but I still insisted on wearing a condom. We had sex a lot more that night. I'm still not happy I did that, but how could I avoid this? It's too difficult for me to resist sex to a woman with beautiful legs and a cute face, especially if she's the only person I had sex with in my entire life.
> 
> (She has birth control, a special kind that was implanted in her arm, called Implanon. I felt it in her arm, it was there. Also felt the tight string in there, too. *Before she got pregnant with another guy's baby, I believe she pulled out her birth control,* so after her son was born, her parents spent a lot of money for her to use implanon birth control inside her arm)
> 
> She told me she set up an appointment for STD/HIV test for next week on November 9th to prove to me she is clean.
> 
> Since my last post here in this forum, I couldn't go back to TAM, because every time I do, I would get addicted to read so many posts from victims who went through infidelity. It didn't feel healthy for me to read these horrific true life infidelity stories, so I stopped. Now that I dropped my gf off at the airport Wed (or Tues?), I feel tempted to go back to reading more posts in TAM, because my gf still believes in "forgetting the past and moving on while staying in relationship", which I always think is utterly impossible to do.


Now... why on earth would she do that?:scratchhead:

Unless there was a good reason on grounds of health, there's only one reason why a woman would pull out her birth control. _And that is because she wanted to get pregnant._

*And what a horrific coincidence that, under those circumstances, she was raped -by someone she knows- and that sole act of nonconsensual sexual intercourse resulted in her becoming pregnant.*

In general I do not believe in coincidences. 

Have you asked her why she pulled out her birth control?


----------



## Satya

Why are you giving your power of choice to OTHERS? I mean, to parents and this friend Sarah, based on what they do? They aren't going to live your life.

Can't you look at the facts and strong evidence and make your OWN choices, without falling back on what others do as justification? I think if you said that you want to be back with her and that you've reached this decision all on your own, you'll have some users that may disagree with your choice, but would probably respect you more for having made one completely on your own. 

My belief is, you aren't there yet, because you DON'T know for sure, so you're grasping at what everyone says you're SUPPOSED to do. Well, from my experience, I can tell you it will not net you happiness, but you must walk your own path.


----------



## Driedlove

BrokenLady said:


> DriedLove Quote - "(She has birth control, a special kind that was implanted in her arm, called Implanon. I felt it in her arm, it was there. Also felt the tight string in there, too. Before she got pregnant with another guy's baby, I believe she pulled out her birth control, so after her son was born, her parents spent a lot of money for her to use implanon birth control inside her arm)".
> 
> 
> You can tell from the posts I've previously made on your thread that I've been REALLY trying to give your Gf the benefit of doubt.
> 
> What you are describing above is the sort of thing parents of mentally retarded or very damaged daughters have to do! You've gone from saying she was raped...too...it was/or became voluntary...too...She INTENTIONALLY got herself pregnant!
> 
> Her family have decided she isn't 'fit' to raise her own child. That made some sense when I thought she was raped. Why did she choose to MAKE & HAVE a baby that she couldn't raise?
> 
> Why did her parents have Implanon implanted?
> 
> You're describing a young lady with sexual/promiscuity issues AND a young lady who is VERY mentally damaged.
> 
> Are you sure of the things you're saying? How do you explain these things to yourself when you think about them? PLEASE answer this. It's very, very important to our understanding of your situation.
> 
> I'm so sorry. I know that she's your first girlfriend & you waited a long time to find someone. I know that you're incredibly attracted to her & you love her very much AND she's VERY affectionate & sexual. I understand that both being deaf does give you a bond & apparent understanding.
> 
> I know that it's easier for deaf women to get partners because there are some men who are drawn to feeling protective of their woman. It's harder for deaf men to get dates BUT the way you perceive yourself is a bigger hinderence to you than being deaf in your love life!!
> 
> As I've said before I've been part of a deaf & deaf blind social group. I've known many deaf men with lovely Gf's & wives.




The reason I'm still with her is... it seems like ALL women cheat. No offense, but I really have a hard time believing any woman is in any way faithful to their husbands. I may be wrong (and I hope I'm wrong), but every woman I met in the past have been seeing different guys, or have not been faithful with one man in a long term. All of the girls I met were hearing. I caught all of them to appear to have this cheating nature to them. 

For example, when I was 17, I met a hearing girl who I liked from next door. She was absolutely stunning, the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, had a great personality, had a fantastic body, fun to be around with for two summer months...until I found out she had sex with my uncle. 

Luckily I never had sex with her, or even kissed her. Anyway, once my uncle told me the truth (because he was mad at the fact she was flirting with his own cousin, me), and then he told her over the phone that I now know they had sex, the next day, she was walking in shame as she walked by me. She knew she did something wrong, and hid from me two entire months of hanging out that she was sleeping with my uncle. 

It was so frustrating for me, because she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen, until her beauty got ruined as soon as I found out she was a cheater.

Another time, I was in 12th grade, met a girl who I liked in school. She was fun to talk to. Spunky, great personality, bla bla, then one day in the summer, she was sitting by the swimming pool with her ex-boyfriend laying by her side. I went there to show her I caught her, and she looked guilty. That same day, she rushed to my apartment, and talked 3 long hours to explain her stupid excuse about why she was laying down, laughing beside her ex at the time that she and I were kinda dating. 

After I graduated high school, met a girl who was overweight. It was clear to me that she had a thing for me. She and I texted each other ALL THE TIME. She was a fantastic singer, and had a great, gentle personality. I never wanted to date her, but we were just really good friends. One day, she sent me a text that she was sleeping with a man. Since that text she sent me, I never wanted to date her, but still remained friends with her. 

So, no matter if a woman is deaf, hearing, blind, handicapped, overweight, skinny, short, tall, black, white, Asian, etc, etc, she still has this impossible tendency to just sleep with another man for NO APPARENT REASON WHATSOEVER. 

Read in article somewhere that any good looking men, or men who are tall, or men who have large members, or even if he has MONEY, or has POWER, are often victims of being cheated on!

I don't get women.


----------



## Driedlove

MattMatt said:


> Now... why on earth would she do that?:scratchhead:
> 
> Unless there was a good reason on grounds of health, there's only one reason why a woman would pull out her birth control. _And that is because she wanted to get pregnant._
> 
> *And what a horrific coincidence that, under those circumstances, she was raped -by someone she knows- and that sole act of nonconsensual sexual intercourse resulted in her becoming pregnant.*
> 
> In general I do not believe in coincidences.
> 
> Have you asked her why she pulled out her birth control?


She told me she was tired of birth control and that it was a nuisance to her vagina. 

I agree with you, her pregnancy was most definitely NOT a coincidence. It was her ploy to keep me trapped with a baby who isn't mine. Not only that, but two or three months before she got pregnant, she would constantly talk about babies and marriage in general. I remember how pissed off I was when she kept talking and talking about baby names.


----------



## Driedlove

Satya said:


> Why are you giving your power of choice to OTHERS? I mean, to parents and this friend Sarah, based on what they do? They aren't going to live your life.
> 
> Can't you look at the facts and strong evidence and make your OWN choices, without falling back on what others do as justification? I think if you said that you want to be back with her and that you've reached this decision all on your own, you'll have some users that may disagree with your choice, but would probably respect you more for having made one completely on your own.
> 
> My belief is, you aren't there yet, because you DON'T know for sure, so you're grasping at what everyone says you're SUPPOSED to do. Well, from my experience, I can tell you it will not net you happiness, but you must walk your own path.


At first, I was here to ask HOW to find out if my girlfriend was cheating or not. 

Then, came back here to figure out how to stay broken up with her for good. Didn't work. 

Now that I know for sure she was cheating on me (probably still is now), I'm back here to figure out HOW to get out of this mess of the relationship I have with her. 

My relationship is too ugly, and I hate it. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship without having to face scary consequences from her.


----------



## happy as a clam

I can assure you that ALL women don't cheat, deaf or otherwise. You need to fix your woman-picker. You have a bullseye target on your back for women who want to take advantage of you, apparently.

Please get into therapy and figure out why you are willing to settle for women with low or no morals. Your therapist can help you extricate yourself safely from this relationship, especially now that it has turned "scary".

Best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Driedlove

The STD test result is the real deal breaker for me. 

This is the only evidence that would actually expose herself as a cheater. It's the only way I would know FOR SURE that she was sleeping with other men from the bar. 

Why wouldn't she take the simple test, and lied to me about actually taking these tests? She went through all the trouble to make the FAKE test result about her being "clean". 

Now, I need to go get myself tested again soon. It's frustrating how she kept prolonging the test, and then send me a fake one.

For some reason, I can't drag a simple jpeg file over here to show proof of her fake STD test result letter. It refuses to let my picture fall into the attachment. Anybody know how?


----------



## TheTruthHurts

I'm glad you're back. I have to tell you all / most women don't cheat. Any more than all / most men cheat.

You might be picking people who have certain traits or tendencies that correlate to those who cheat. So maybe you're a bad "picker".

People who came from stable, faithful families have grown up in an environment where they have good role models for marriage. Is there something about the families you have seen that is unstable? Divorce, infidelity, substance abuse, financial hardship, excessive work hours... these can all take a toll on a relationship.

You mention beauty. Is it possible you are choosing people who are focused on outward affirmation to feel good about themselves? Not that attractive people are all cheaters, but many who focus on appearance like the attention and seek it, and this can lead to problems when the "normalness" of life stops giving these people positive feedback for their attractiveness and beauty. Three people can be vulnerable to cheating when "new" love interests compliment them and feed their egos.

You might want to seek counciling and specifically ask about why you pick people who have a tendency to cheat.

Many of us are completely intolerant of cheating which is why people are so angry and forceful about your situation. It is clear to many of us that you have been beat down and are being exploited. We don't accept this.

One more thing - women typically have a window of time open for men - if they don't act in that time, the guy actually "friend zones" themselves. Women expect (many not all) you to show interest, pursue them, and put the moves on. Yes it is a huge risk - you might misread signals - but you must act to show your interest. Lean in for a kiss - pause a brief second to allow her to pull away - then plant one on. It's that simple if you're getting along. Act first and ask for forgiveness later . I am talking about a simple kiss - nothing aggressive - but if that doesn't say "I like you" nothing does. From your description it seems you are waiting too long and confusing these girls and they may be moving on and thinking you want to just be friends.


----------



## aine

Driedlove said:


> The reason I'm still with her is... it seems like ALL women cheat. No offense, but I really have a hard time believing any woman is in any way faithful to their husbands. I may be wrong (and I hope I'm wrong), but every woman I met in the past have been seeing different guys, or have not been faithful with one man in a long term. All of the girls I met were hearing. I caught all of them to appear to have this cheating nature to them.
> 
> For example, when I was 17, I met a hearing girl who I liked from next door. She was absolutely stunning, the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, had a great personality, had a fantastic body, fun to be around with for two summer months...until I found out she had sex with my uncle.
> 
> Luckily I never had sex with her, or even kissed her. Anyway, once my uncle told me the truth (because he was mad at the fact she was flirting with his own cousin, me), and then he told her over the phone that I now know they had sex, the next day, she was walking in shame as she walked by me. She knew she did something wrong, and hid from me two entire months of hanging out that she was sleeping with my uncle.
> 
> It was so frustrating for me, because she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen, until her beauty got ruined as soon as I found out she was a cheater.
> 
> Another time, I was in 12th grade, met a girl who I liked in school. She was fun to talk to. Spunky, great personality, bla bla, then one day in the summer, she was sitting by the swimming pool with her ex-boyfriend laying by her side. I went there to show her I caught her, and she looked guilty. That same day, she rushed to my apartment, and talked 3 long hours to explain her stupid excuse about why she was laying down, laughing beside her ex at the time that she and I were kinda dating.
> 
> After I graduated high school, met a girl who was overweight. It was clear to me that she had a thing for me. She and I texted each other ALL THE TIME. She was a fantastic singer, and had a great, gentle personality. I never wanted to date her, but we were just really good friends. One day, she sent me a text that she was sleeping with a man. Since that text she sent me, I never wanted to date her, but still remained friends with her.
> 
> So, no matter if a woman is deaf, hearing, blind, handicapped, overweight, skinny, short, tall, black, white, Asian, etc, etc, she still has this impossible tendency to just sleep with another man for NO APPARENT REASON WHATSOEVER.
> 
> Read in article somewhere that any good looking men, or men who are tall, or men who have large members, or even if he has MONEY, or has POWER, are often victims of being cheated on!
> 
> I don't get women.


I am not easily offended but I found this post insulting, especially to those of us who have stuck with less crap husbands over a quarter of a century and you make these sweeping generalisations.

I think your own selection process is very flawed and if you yourself believe there is no such thing as an honest and faithful female then as the Law of Attraction goes , you will attract that very thing you think, So good luck with that!


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> At first, I was here to ask HOW to find out if my girlfriend was cheating or not.
> 
> Then, came back here to figure out how to stay broken up with her for good. Didn't work.
> 
> Now that I know for sure she was cheating on me (probably still is now), I'm back here to figure out HOW to get out of this mess of the relationship I have with her.
> 
> My relationship is too ugly, and I hate it. Now, *I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship without having to face scary consequences from her.*


You dump her -- hard, immediately, and permanently -- and cut all contact w/ her going forward.

It really is that simple.


----------



## aine

Driedlove said:


> At first, I was here to ask HOW to find out if my girlfriend was cheating or not.
> 
> Then, came back here to figure out how to stay broken up with her for good. Didn't work.
> 
> Now that I know for sure she was cheating on me (probably still is now), I'm back here to figure out HOW to get out of this mess of the relationship I have with her.
> 
> My relationship is too ugly, and I hate it. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship without having to face scary consequences from her.


You are obviously very weak and do not have enough self worth. You should have walked away a long time ago. You need to increase your self esteem, get some therapy.


----------



## Marc878

Look in the mirror. That's the real problem here.


----------



## GusPolinski

Driedlove said:


> After I graduated high school, met a girl who was overweight. It was clear to me that she had a thing for me. She and I texted each other ALL THE TIME. *She was a fantastic singer*, and had a great, gentle personality. I never wanted to date her, but we were just really good friends. One day, she sent me a text that she was sleeping with a man. Since that text she sent me, I never wanted to date her, but still remained friends with her.


No offense, but how would you know?


----------



## ThePheonix

Driedlove said:


> My relationship is too ugly, and I hate it. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship without having to face scary consequences from her.


Here's fifty ways my man. They are do it yourself though. (BTW, your problem with the chubby girl is that she wasn't sleeping with you.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298nld4Yfds


----------



## G.J.

If you can afford it I would strongly recommend you go to a relationship counsellor

It will be the best money you'll ever spend


----------



## alte Dame

Take heart! There are billions of women who are loyal. I am loyal. My daughter is loyal. My sisters, Most of my friends .

There are other infidelity sites that are very woman-centric and you would find on one of them that men are equal opportunity cheaters. Sad to say.

Anyway, you say that it is hard to extract yourself from this toxic relationship. How so? Do you mean emotionally, logistically, physically?


----------



## Decorum

GusPolinski said:


> You dump her -- hard, immediately, and permanently -- and cut all contact w/ her going forward.
> 
> It really is that simple.


He doesnt want simple he wants drama free.
He wants validation form everyone that its the right choice.




Driedlove said:


> At first, I was here to ask HOW to find out if my girlfriend was cheating or not.
> 
> Then, came back here to figure out how to stay broken up with her for good. Didn't work.
> 
> Now that I know for sure she was cheating on me (probably still is now), I'm back here to figure out HOW to get out of this mess of the relationship I have with her.
> 
> My relationship is too ugly, and I hate it. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship without having to face scary consequences from her.



*You are living in fear and suffering from inaction.*

 :scratchhead::sleeping:

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## wmn1

Decorum said:


> He doesnt want simple he wants drama free.
> He wants validation form everyone that its the right choice.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *You are living in fear and suffering from inaction.*
> 
> :scratchhead::sleeping:
> 
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love your response to B. It is accurate. if just a girlfriend, peace out


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> At first, I was here to ask HOW to find out if my girlfriend was cheating or not.
> 
> Then, came back here to figure out how to stay broken up with her for good. Didn't work.
> 
> Now that I know for sure she was cheating on me (probably still is now), I'm back here to figure out HOW to get out of this mess of the relationship I have with her.
> 
> My relationship is too ugly, and I hate it. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this relationship without having to face scary consequences from her.


You require some pretty intense individual counselling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Driedlove

She and I broke up yesterday. 

We're back to being friends now. 

It's harder for my heart to deal with now that we broke up three times. No matter how normal I feel, I know I will eventually miss her a lot more later on. 

Yes, she has done A LOT of horrible things as my gf... still, I can't help but feel bad that we broke up. Feels like I wasted 4 years with her for nothing. 

I would actually feel A lot better if she's happy with a new guy. If she's not happy with a new guy, then I'll feel like sh*& for breaking up with her. The reason for that is because she's a very dependent kind of girl. More dependent than any woman I know, and I was the one who promised her a new place of which she wasn't allowed to move in with me, because her parents wouldn't let her. Her parents control her like she's a puppet, because of her hearing disability and her small frame (5'2). She was NEVER able to move out of state, especially out of her parents' house, so her parents came up with the idea of a new condo (a REALLY nice looking condo) for her to live in. 

Doesn't matter if we broke up or still together, both ways still hurt a lot. It hurts to constantly imagine possibilities that she would cheat on me, and it hurts to break up to not EVER be with an almost perfect deaf girl for me to talk to, cuddle with, and share emotions with. 

It may not be the same with the new girl I eventually meet. She might come off as a fake as most of them often do in the dating world nowadays. She's gotta look like Elisha Cuthbert in her prime, and she's gotta show me lots of her gentle side, otherwise, she's out. 

Those who say I need to go see a shrink can kiss my a$$. 

You know why I don't see a shrink? My mom's ex-husband cheated on her with a female therapist. Since their divorce, her ex and a female therapist are still together. 

Most counsellors in Nebraska are females... 

Why would it be worth almost $200 AN HOUR to talk to a woman who took courses on psychology? If she also took courses at hair salon, then that's the one I'm avoiding.


----------



## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> She and I broke up yesterday.
> 
> We're back to being friends now.
> 
> It's harder for my heart to deal with now that we broke up three times. No matter how normal I feel, I know I will eventually miss her a lot more later on.
> 
> Yes, she has done A LOT of horrible things as my gf... still, I can't help but feel bad that we broke up. Feels like I wasted 4 years with her for nothing.
> 
> I would actually feel A lot better if she's happy with a new guy. If she's not happy with a new guy, then I'll feel like sh*& for breaking up with her. The reason for that is because she's a very dependent kind of girl. More dependent than any woman I know, and I was the one who promised her a new place of which she wasn't allowed to move in with me, because her parents wouldn't let her. Her parents control her like she's a puppet, because of her hearing disability and her small frame (5'2). She was NEVER able to move out of state, especially out of her parents' house, so her parents came up with the idea of a new condo (a REALLY nice looking condo) for her to live in.
> 
> Doesn't matter if we broke up or still together, both ways still hurt a lot. It hurts to constantly imagine possibilities that she would cheat on me, and it hurts to break up to not EVER be with an almost perfect deaf girl for me to talk to, cuddle with, and share emotions with.
> 
> It may not be the same with the new girl I eventually meet. She might come off as a fake as most of them often do in the dating world nowadays. She's gotta look like Elisha Cuthbert in her prime, and she's gotta show me lots of her gentle side, otherwise, she's out.
> 
> Those who say I need to go see a shrink can kiss my a$$.
> 
> You know why I don't see a shrink? My mom's ex-husband cheated on her with a female therapist. Since their divorce, her ex and a female therapist are still together.
> 
> Most counsellors in Nebraska are females...
> 
> Why would it be worth almost $200 AN HOUR to talk to a woman who took courses on psychology? If she also took courses at hair salon, then that's the one I'm avoiding.


There is no need to be rude to us. We offered our advice on counselling in good faith. 

We have no intention of going anywhere near your bottom, let alone kissing it. 

By the way if you do not want the advice of people here, don't ask for it. That will save our time and yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## G.J.

Driedlove said:


> Most counsellors in Nebraska are females...
> 
> .


What....lets hope they wear a Burqa and walk at least 10 paces behind the men then...O.M.G.


----------



## ThePheonix

Driedlove said:


> She and I broke up yesterday.
> 
> We're back to being friends now.


DL, youre in the catbird seat my man. Work it so ya'll can be friends with benefits, while her parents keep a roof over her head,(saving you a ton of money) and let her see other guys while she has you as a regular on the side. With any luck, you can keep this gig going even after she settles in with another guy. Think about the irony of you being the OM for this chick.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

ThePheonix said:


> Driedlove said:
> 
> 
> 
> She and I broke up yesterday.
> 
> We're back to being friends now.
> 
> 
> 
> DL, youre in the catbird seat my man. Work it so ya'll can be friends with benefits, while her parents keep a roof over her head,(saving you a ton of money) and let her see other guys while she has you as a regular on the side. With any luck, you can keep this gig going even after she settles in with another guy. Think about the irony of you being the OM for this chick.
Click to expand...

Terrible idea. He already broke up twice in the past and was suckered back in. His whole "support" system has been trying to keep them together. The best he can do is stay away from the drama and manipulation.


----------



## ThePheonix

Driedlove ain't gonna do nothing. He already said he ain't gonna go see no shrink. Knowing this, I'm just advising him on how to minimize his financial investment in her while keeping her around for fun and games. He said she was dependent and he can stay close enough for a quid pro quo arrangement. Why not let her parents or some other stooge carry the weight while he reaps the benefits.
:wink2:


----------



## Decorum

ThePheonix said:


> Driedlove ain't gonna do nothing. He already said he ain't gonna go see no shrink. Knowing this, I'm just advising him on how to minimize his financial investment in her while keeping her around for fun and games. He said she was dependent and he can stay close enough for a quid pro quo arrangement. Why not let her parents or some other stooge carry the weight while he reaps the benefits.
> :wink2:


TP I have never seen you suggest someone become the OM.
I'm hoping that wasnt completely serious. Otherwise, well, paint me purple and call me Barney!

FWB, if someday it can be done while "doing no harm" sure. 

Just my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Driedlove

MattMatt said:


> There is no need to be rude to us. We offered our advice on counselling in good faith.
> 
> We have no intention of going anywhere near your bottom, let alone kissing it.
> 
> By the way if you do not want the advice of people here, don't ask for it. That will save our time and yours.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Fair enough. I just think the best advices come from the ones who are brutally honest, like in here. 

A counsellor, I think, can't be brutally honest, and has to only be nice so she/he can get me to come back to pay him/her more money.


----------



## cgiles

Did you read this book : https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

If not, do it now, and follow the exercices.


----------



## Kivlor

Driedlove said:


> Fair enough. I just think the best advices come from the ones who are brutally honest, like in here.
> 
> A counsellor, I think, can't be brutally honest, and has to only be nice so she/he can get me to come back to pay him/her more money.


Part of finding a GOOD counselor is getting one who will actually help you work on the emotional issues you have. I'd drop one in a heartbeat if they didn't seem to be interested in helping me fix myself.

If you do decide to look for a counselor, pick a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, and be prepared to try several out. Personally, I'd look only at male counselors, since you're a dude. Don't let your father's poor decisions prevent you from trying to grow as a person.

ALSO... on the topic of being "Just Friends" with your now XGF: *DON'T!! *You're setting yourself up for a toxic relationship, and eventually taking her back. You've already done so previously. Drop her like a bad habit, and spend some time single, working on yourself.


----------



## TDSC60

Kivlor said:


> Part of finding a GOOD counselor is getting one who will actually help you work on the emotional issues you have. I'd drop one in a heartbeat if they didn't seem to be interested in helping me fix myself.
> 
> If you do decide to look for a counselor, pick a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, and be prepared to try several out. Personally, I'd look only at male counselors, since you're a dude. Don't let your father's poor decisions prevent you from trying to grow as a person.
> 
> ALSO... on the topic of being "Just Friends" with your now XGF: *DON'T!! *You're setting yourself up for a toxic relationship, and eventually taking her back. You've already done so previously. Drop her like a bad habit, and spend some time single, working on yourself.


Kivlor is the voice of experience as he recently went through a fiancee break-up as well. Admittedly, not quite as complicated as your situation with the child and the controlling parents, but close.

Listen to his advice. He has been there - done that.


----------



## ThePheonix

Decorum said:


> TP I have never seen you suggest someone become the OM.
> I'm hoping that wasnt completely serious.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just having a little fun with a fellow who ask for advise but becomes an apologist and gets all pissy when its something he doesn't want to hear.


----------



## Driedlove

ThePheonix said:


> DL, youre in the catbird seat my man. Work it so ya'll can be friends with benefits, while her parents keep a roof over her head,(saving you a ton of money) and let her see other guys while she has you as a regular on the side. With any luck, you can keep this gig going even after she settles in with another guy. Think about the irony of you being the OM for this chick.


I have been through that before. I was her OM WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE after our first break up. 

After I broke up with her for the first time, she insisted me to fly in to see her, and even bought the tickets for me to see her as a friend. That made me think,"Hm, she must still like me a lot if she pays for my flight to see her." 

We were still friends when I came over to see her. On the very first day, she and I had sex, and while we had sex, she spilled the beans about having sex with the OTHER guy she was dating. That made me very upset, and instantly jealous. Because of my jealousy, I wanted to be back in relationship with her. Since we got back together, things went downhill, and never got any better. 

I do have a feeling she wants to be my friend for this reason (being her OM), but there is no way I would ever want to fly over or drive over to see her this time. 

Been through that before, went through hell, not going through that again. 

I'm only her friend, because then she'll stop causing all kinds of drama like what happened when I broke off our engagement. 

No flight plans to see her this time, which is a good thing.


----------



## Driedlove

cgiles said:


> Did you read this book : https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf
> 
> If not, do it now, and follow the exercices.


Definitely will look into that book. Thank you for sharing!

Funny thing is I still have a few books from David DeAngelo's self-help book and dvd's about dating women, and I never used any of his advices when I was dating my ex. I wanted to see what it would be like dating a girl without DeAngelo's advice, and turns out it was a mistake! 

Dating a woman the old fashioned, Mr.Nice Guy way is a terrible idea. LMAO


----------



## Driedlove

Kivlor said:


> Part of finding a GOOD counselor is getting one who will actually help you work on the emotional issues you have. I'd drop one in a heartbeat if they didn't seem to be interested in helping me fix myself.
> 
> If you do decide to look for a counselor, pick a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, and be prepared to try several out. Personally, I'd look only at male counselors, since you're a dude. Don't let your father's poor decisions prevent you from trying to grow as a person.
> 
> ALSO... on the topic of being "Just Friends" with your now XGF: *DON'T!! *You're setting yourself up for a toxic relationship, and eventually taking her back. You've already done so previously. Drop her like a bad habit, and spend some time single, working on yourself.



Ok. I'll try to look for a good psychologist. Found one near my area, but I'll have to wait until next week, because of the cold, icey weather here. 

There's nothing she can do to get me back this time. It's convincing to me she's a serial LIAR. She lies as much as she can to look as angelic/innocent as possible. I want her to REALLY learn that lying is still not getting her anywhere. Her honesty is still not going to bring me back, either, because she's so consistent in lying. 

I was just thinking about this... she'll play a game that she still can't find a soul mate after a few months, and all her friends feel bad for her, because she's single for so long. 

Kinda reminds me of Miranda Lambert when she plays the "victim" of still being single after her divorce with Blake Shelton. Rumor has it that she's been sleeping with men in secret since the divorce.


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## laroo

Driedlove said:


> There's nothing she can do to get me back this time. It's convincing to me she's a serial LIAR. She lies as much as she can to look as angelic/innocent as possible. I want her to REALLY learn that lying is still not getting her anywhere. Her honesty is still not going to bring me back, either, because she's so consistent in lying.
> 
> I was just thinking about this... she'll play a game that she still can't find a soul mate after a few months, and all her friends feel bad for her, because she's single for so long.


She may continue this behavior until she gets knocked off of her high horse. Someone that made her feel special needs to walk out on her and not give her ANY reassurance that she is lovely or desired. Someone who I hurt did this to me in my twenties and he STILL won't talk to me. He went completely no contact even when I called to tell him his best buddy (my dog) was passing away years later. 

I never hurt anyone after I hurt him. I learned the consequences of my actions. Every other boyfriend I have had I have remained friends with. I still regret losing my friendship with this particular guy and really...after being hurt multiple times in a row now, myself, I wish he could give me advice on how to do the no contact thing so effectively. I think it is called self respect.


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## MattMatt

Driedlove said:


> Fair enough. I just think the best advices come from the ones who are brutally honest, like in here.
> 
> A counsellor, I think, can't be brutally honest, and has to only be nice so she/he can get me to come back to pay him/her more money.


That depends on the counsellor.

You DO need help or she will ride roughshod over you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix

Driedlove said:


> We were still friends when I came over to see her. On the very first day, she and I had sex, and while we had sex, she spilled the beans about having sex with the OTHER guy she was dating. That made me very upset, and instantly jealous. Because of my jealousy, I wanted to be back in relationship with her. Since we got back together, things went downhill, and never got any better.


That ain't what I had in mind for you Dawg. First, you need to know the type woman you're dealing with. At this point in her life, suffice it to say she's not the settling down type. She ain't gonna be a one man woman because you what her to. Good or bad, its what she is. The drama would have no effect on you if you realize its just part of her makeup, you're not going to expect anymore that what she shows you and decide you're not going to jerked around and controlled by her choice. You just have to accept the realities of her behavior.
In the meantime, since she's used you for booty call in the past, why not let her use you as an instrument of her satisfaction in the future. You just have to realize you cannot take responsibility for her actions and her lifestyle. You there to perform a service. 
Think of it like you're an massage therapist and she's your client. She comes to you for what you can do for her and when she leaves her actions are not your concern. It's not bad duty my man.


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