# Giving it another go...



## persephone71 (May 21, 2013)

I hope to find some support on this...

After long....long... deliberation, I've decided to give the M another try.

1- We begin MC this week ( to both address boundaries and expected behavior)
2- We're taking a trip out of town in two weeks.

I'm scared, but feel this is best.

I am thankful for the "hard" advice I received. Now, I just need to cope with how to best do this.

Two things:

I do love my H. I just didn't like his behavior at times.

I love my kids, and I'm willing to fight for this M, until it's clear the M is done.


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## persephone71 (May 21, 2013)

*Muy interesante*

I do find something quite interesting:

When I contemplated D and was prepared to leave my husband, I was berated, and told that I was inevitably setting up my kids for failure, allowed emotional abuse, and was licking my chops a the anticipation of making my H go broke in court.

Now, after days of talking, prayer and decision to R, these same people are silent.

>100 views and not ONE comment, or words of support, encouragement, et al.

I guess for some, it's easier to just attack, than to actually offer assistance.

Just an observation....


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Holy smokes I'm sorry that's been your experience here. 

I am glad when ANY relationship is willing to do the hard work it takes for R. It's a long, difficult road and adifficult choice to arrive at whenever there's been something truly traumatic in a marriage. 

I'm all for you both, and I pray that it works out well for you.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Hi P71 ~

If you go back and read my story, you'll find that we are quite similiar in wanting to fight for our marriage.

I have been married 30 years and my husband had an affair 4 years ago and 4 months ago with the same woman. It hurts me to my core.

Our 28 year old son asked me to try one more time and that is what I am doing. Long story short, our son gave his Dad an ultimatum, it's me or the homw-wrecker/gold-digger. After my H realized that he also hurt his son and his son had lost respect for him, we have seen significant changes in him.

We are taking things day by day. I am proud that you are giving your marriage another try. Like me, your children are and remain your priority. We will sacrifice our happiness for their happiness.

Good Luck and Be Strong. 
Oh, don't allow anyone make you feel like a doormat !!!


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## persephone71 (May 21, 2013)

VeryHurt said:


> Hi P71 ~
> 
> If you go back and read my story, you'll find that we are quite similiar in wanting to fight for our marriage.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing your story.

I likewise wish you well....


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

P - I applaud your courage and wish you the best.


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## persephone71 (May 21, 2013)

ScrewedEverything said:


> P - I applaud your courage and wish you the best.


Merci


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Firstly, I tried to read all your other posts.

A few people did respond, and try to help, offer suggestions to maybe give it another try, but honestly, maybe go back and read your replies? 
It was made very clear that you are done, and not interested in any advice.

Can I ask you what made you change your mind?
Why is this time any different than any other time?

What kind of advice are you looking for?


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## persephone71 (May 21, 2013)

deejov said:


> Firstly, I tried to read all your other posts.
> 
> A few people did respond, and try to help, offer suggestions to maybe give it another try, but honestly, maybe go back and read your replies?
> It was made very clear that you are done, and not interested in any advice.
> ...


Thanks

I admit I was a bit snarky--I was recently blasted on another thread when I disclosed something that happened 15 years ago, yet received no support on my current event.

Ironically, I read through some of the responses. I also received a very heartfelt PM from a member who shared her story with healing from EAbuse and reconciling. 

I also met with my spiritual advisor, and had a 2-day extensive retreat with my H.

The outcome: We can try. We will establish new boundaries. And, at anytime things begin to deteriorate again, we will go through with the D, without all the drama as the first time.


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## Michelleinmichigan (Jun 26, 2013)

*Re: Muy interesante*



persephone71 said:


> I do find something quite interesting:
> 
> When I contemplated D and was prepared to leave my husband, I was berated, and told that I was inevitably setting up my kids for failure, allowed emotional abuse, and was licking my chops a the anticipation of making my H go broke in court.
> 
> ...


I find it interesting that you consider advice that is critical of what you post an "attack". Most people commenting simply give honest responses. Anyone that I know that has experienced A parent leaving the marriage/family for another person has deep hurts and resentments towards the parent they felt abandoned them. Most people never forgive, and have lifelong issues because if it. It is very reasonable for people to react strongly to certain issues, but don't necessarily care about you as an individual one way or another.

The fact that you would take anonymous posts personally and not see things for what they are, suggests that you may have some unresolved issues. Just an observation.


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## persephone71 (May 21, 2013)

*Re: Muy interesante*



Michelleinmichigan said:


> I find it interesting that you consider advice that is critical of what you post an "attack". Most people commenting simply give honest responses. Anyone that I know that has experienced A parent leaving the marriage/family for another person has deep hurts and resentments towards the parent they felt abandoned them. Most people never forgive, and have lifelong issues because if it. It is very reasonable for people to react strongly to certain issues, but don't necessarily care about you as an individual one way or another.
> 
> The fact that you would take anonymous posts personally and not see things for what they are, suggests that you may have some unresolved issues. Just an observation.


Thank you for your observation.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Some people come here just looking for similar experiences, and want to share "war stories". That's fine. If it's that comfort that one is seeking, there is no shortage of that.


The problem is, if that is not obvious, this is first and foremost an advice forum. Something to keep in mind. Also, just putting everything in one post helps to eliminate mis-information.

I wish you luck in your journey. Many here in the same situation. Learning from each other is the one benefit of putting one's personal life on the net for everyone to read.
Best wishes


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