# "It's not linear. You choose to exist here."



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

A few days ago, I was mulling over in my head the notion that, despite my wife & I making great strides since our real R began, it's difficult sometimes to put her cheating behind me...to put it fully out of my mind. True, some of that must be chalked up to both of us and her PA partner all working in the same place. Still, some of it must be on me, even if subconsciously.

And then my mind made what may seem to be an odd connection - Star Trek. Specifically, _Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_. Even more specifically, the pilot episode, in which Commander Benjamin Sisko must try to explain the concept of linear existence to a group of beings who simultaneously experience all moments of time. In so doing, his memories and attempts to explain linear existence all seem to dovetail back to the point several years before when his wife died. Confused by the apparent contradiction, the beings are unable to understand why, if humanity experiences linear existence, Sisko continues to "exist" in the moment of Jennifer's death.

And that got me to wondering...after we've been cheated on, do we tend to "exist there?" Does that moment inform all moments that come after? I realize that, ultimately, the answer as to whether or not we continue to "exist there" differs from person to person...some have the ability to move on in their linear existence, while others remain in that moment. Just thought it made for an interesting idea as applied to our common experience.

And, for those interested, a link to the scene in question. (Be aware, it's about 9 minutes long...lol.)
‪DS9 - Where do we exist?‬‏ - YouTube


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

It's not the 'existing there', for me -- it's what the cheating means about her (I'm just stunned she's even _capable_ of it), and all the lies she told during the time of her A. That is what permeates me still, the ongoing questioning of "Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with someone who could do this -- and who could do this to _me_? Someone who didn't love me enough not to do it, nor enough to stop doing it once it started... someone who couldn't, wouldn't, didn't have enough integrity nor thoughtfulness to see the destruction to her family?" It is more about the corollary impact & 'linear' attachments, to me....


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## Kyle5311 (Jul 13, 2011)

2xloser said:


> It's not the 'existing there', for me -- it's what the cheating means about her (I'm just stunned she's even _capable_ of it), and all the lies she told during the time of her A. That is what permeates me still, the ongoing questioning of "Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with someone who could do this -- and who could do this to _me_? Someone who didn't love me enough not to do it, nor enough to stop doing it once it started... someone who couldn't, wouldn't, didn't have enough integrity nor thoughtfulness to see the destruction to her family?" It is more about the corollary impact & 'linear' attachments, to me....


You nailed it. I'm with my wife because my kids are here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

As a Niner, I can definitely identify with Sisko. But Grayson, you have to keep in mind that you are not even a year out from DDay. This takes 2-5 years to recover from. Sisko's wife Jennifer had died from the Borg attack at Wolf 359 when Jake was still a small boy. He didn't move on or even begin to recover. Its like he never went to counseling or tried to move on with his life, he CHOSE to exist there.

You are not choosing to exist where you are, your are slowly healing and recovering, unlike Sisko. 

Now, if you are still where you are 5 years from now, then THAT would be a problem.


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