# Work-at-Home Dad, how to stay sane & parent effectively??



## Energy (Sep 9, 2011)

My friends are so jealous when we talk about work and it is brought up that I am a telecommuter. I only have to go into the office 2 days a week, while the other three days a week I work from home while I watch my two little ones.

Boy, if they only knew...

Oh, did I say work from home? Yeah, that's a constant struggle with little kids around.

But I have the work thing down, as hard as it may be. Its the lifestyle and the parenting that I have so much trouble with.

First the lifestyle - I have been doing this for 6 years, and somehow still haven't figured it out! In fact, I admittedly often take out my frustrations on my wife, partially because she is out of the house from 7am-6pm while I am left on my own. (I know this is only 3 days a week, but the two days I go into work I barely see a soul) She does more than her share when she is home so I shouldn't be mad at her, but the fact that she gets a daytime social life with adult conversations while I have to deal with whining all day makes me mad. I recently found a nanny to help out a few hours during the week so I could get some work done, and while that helps the work aspect of things, it doesn't change the lifestyle all that much.

Second is the parenting - I think I am not the best at it. I think I am good Dad - I read, play, cook with them, etc. But I think I am bad at parenting, specifically when it comes to discipline. Because I don't like the WAH lifestyle all that much, I try to make my day as easy as possible, and I think in doing so my oldest (5 yrs old) has learned to whine and throw fits when she doesn't get her way. I give in and cater to her, only for her to throw a fit, which then gets me all worked up too.

So in a nutshell, I am just would love some tips on how you can work at home and 1) stay sane, and 2) effectively parent. Thanks!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

for starters I think you are a touch hard on yourself as far as the parenting goes

can you improve? sure can but in no way do you sound like a bad parent, spending time and giving love is something you do every day and unfortunately many parents don't do that.


it's sounds like you are in the doldrums

you lack a work social life and barely get to see your wife


this to me is the bigger issue and can lead to a bad marriage down the line


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## Energy (Sep 9, 2011)

Not seeing my wife isn't the problem - if I had the normal 8-5 we would see each other the same amount. We spend a good 2-3 hours as a family eating dinner, etc. when she gets home. Then we spend 2-3 hours together just us after kids go to bed. We talk alot, intimacy is outstanding....no problems anywhere there.

Lack of work social life is a problem, but there is nothing I can do about it, not that I can think of anyways...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well glad to hear I am incorrect in regards to time spent with your wife

but we need social contact as humans (and of course making it appropriate goes without saying) so do you take the kids anywhere you can meet other SAHD's?


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## Energy (Sep 9, 2011)

I haven't been able to find anything on the internet about guys in similar situations. It certainly would be nice to find that though!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it's funny because I have a friend who is doing the same thing, he's been emailing me much more lately (and sending scrabble requests on facebook) as a result


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your frustration is trying to work while watching kids is not doable.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

make the kids file and learn stenography


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

To clarify, are you telecommuting and being your children's caregiver simultaneously??

I telecommuted for over two years, almost entirely at home office, with road trip every two or three weeks, my W was stay at home but had a daycare... it was definitely very straining for me to focus on work - it was lonely and when I peeked out of my office she needed (well, wanted/craved) all kinds of help... so my breaks were rarely restful eventually I just stopped taking breaks and slowly turned into a zombie.

I also was generally a doormat, and so when my W decided to stop providing daycare we sent our son to a dayhome and my W started building up a home based spa/esthetics, which became an entirely different kind of strain and a more stressful one too since I just watched our finances diminish away. Plus with the freedom of her new career she found herself with all kinds of free time to pursue her own hobbies and interests... I enjoyed seeing her happy and believed that letting her go that path would make me happy too but of course it didn't I just wore myself down feeling tethered to the house and to taking care of my son all the time. Working at home meant all these extra problems now had a way to spill over into my professional life

I burned out working from home, because I was not achieving my goals and feeling the guilt and shame of not getting much accomplished... I always said that if I had two days a week in the office it probably would have kept me sane, atleast for a little longer.


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## MoneyMakingMommy (Nov 18, 2011)

>>My friends are so jealous when we talk about work and it is brought up that I am a telecommuter.<<

I myself have struggled with the whole "working at home" for years with my kids. They are older now... and it's easier. BUT - people don't understand how difficult working at home is. It's not an easy thing. It's one thing to walk out the door to your job and be away from your kids - but to have to "ignore" them while you're trying to work? Talk about guilt. I only hope my kids don't write a Mommy Dearest book! LOL
I work completely from home - and that's stressful as well. There is no IT department or payroll department. No one to call and cover for you when you're sick. No vacation days, benefits and pensions.
It's a lot harder than people want to believe. Just my two cents.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

MoneyMakingMommy said:


> >>My friends are so jealous when we talk about work and it is brought up that I am a telecommuter.<<
> 
> I myself have struggled with the whole "working at home" for years with my kids. They are older now... and it's easier. BUT - people don't understand how difficult working at home is. It's not an easy thing. It's one thing to walk out the door to your job and be away from your kids - but to have to "ignore" them while you're trying to work? Talk about guilt. I only hope my kids don't write a Mommy Dearest book! LOL
> I work completely from home - and that's stressful as well. There is no IT department or payroll department. No one to call and cover for you when you're sick. No vacation days, benefits and pensions.
> It's a lot harder than people want to believe. Just my two cents.


I used to have home office too. I hated it. Not only was I expected to child care while working, I got lazy and worked in pj's. Plus my friends thought stopping in was fine and I had to run errands for my mom all the time. No one respected it as work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

its not easy working at home with young kids. Young kids do whine a lot but if a 5 year old is whining means she had had success in doing so. Why can't you put them in some few hours pre-school or something? It will give both you and your kids some time to socialize. 

Set a consistent routine for your kids, consistency helps kids to know what comes next and that cuts down a lot of whining. You surely are a great dad, anyone can get frustrated working and looking after 2 kids at the same time.


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