# What is their priority?



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Okay, so sex is very low on their list of priorities (for whatever reason). A marriage without sex is VERY unbalanced. What do you think is distracting your LD or ND partner from sex?

For my husband, I would say money is his ONLY priority, and always has been. Money is a distraction to him, and trumps anything else. Nothing else matters. Love or sex are last on his list.

So, what consumes your LD/ND partner, or do you think they are just asexual?


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

bills, kids, housework, office work, the world, aliens invading earth... the list goes on


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

For my LD wife it is a combination of several factors.

50% = It is her emerging religious beliefs that place sexual activity as means for having children and anything beyond that is lustful, extreme, wanton, immodest, immoral,..... you name it, it's just viewed by her as giving into some sort of evil urge.

25% = Is her work schedule. She works three, 12 hour shifts a week, so she usually goes to bed much earlier than I do. 9pm is just too early for me to jump in bed. At that time of night, I am still up with our 2 teenage kids who are still roaming the house. By the time I go to bed at about midnight, she is well into REM sleep, and sex is out of the question for those 3 to 4 nights.

25% = Is sort of a wildcard between the two of us. She has put on some extra weight and so have I in the past 25 years of our marriage. Between the two of us we could lose 100 lbs. and return the quality of the physical part of sex making it much better. So, along with that I am sure she has some body issues with herself, as well as with me.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

hehasmyheart said:


> Okay, so sex is very low on their list of priorities (for whatever reason). A marriage without sex is VERY unbalanced. What do you think is distracting your LD or ND partner from sex?
> 
> For my husband, I would say money is his ONLY priority, and always has been. Money is a distraction to him, and trumps anything else. Nothing else matters. Love or sex are last on his list.
> 
> So, what consumes your LD/ND partner, or do you think they are just asexual?



For my situation. my LD wifee is the way she is due to:

- being a larger girl to begin with
- never exercises and only talks about it
- was told in her youth she's fat and won't amount to much
- her ex bf was a real jerk
- her parents are very shy, quiet and sensitive and so is she
- she put all her energy into school and now her career
- caters to her parents, sister and friends and not herself

She is a talker, and in the end, nothing changes much at all, 13+ years later.....

If I knew all of this 13+ years ago, I would of warned myself, married another woman that is fit, high healthy adventurous sex drive and does the things most women like to do, that we never have done (never been in the shower together, etc.). I would still be friends with my current wife though because she is a great friend and there for me.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Do you like ice cream? Would you go out of your way to have it several times a week? 

Some folks just aren't inclined to have a lot of sex. It doesn't mean they're asexual. It doesn't mean something else is the driving priority in their life. It just means that they have a take-it or leave-it approach, for as many reasons as there are those who feel this way.

My wife doesn't avoid sex, nor does she seek it out except as a means to keep the intimacy in our relationship. I long ago quit trying to psychoanalyze why that was, just like I don't try to figure out why sex is so much more important to me than to her. 

We are who we are. The only thing you can do is find someone who is as "you" as you can find and run with it.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> For my situation. my LD wifee is the way she is due to:
> 
> - being a larger girl to begin with
> - never exercises and only talks about it
> ...


 
CB- Reading all your post over the past several months, I really think you are my TAM TWIN. The only difference is my wife puts all her energy into our daughter. Although she was a virgin when we met, I didn't think she would NEVER have a desire for sex. Most women want a "friend" first and build on that. Well, I was that friend and 21 years later, I am still that fiend and it bites.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Do you like ice cream? Would you go out of your way to have it several times a week?
> 
> Some folks just aren't inclined to have a lot of sex. It doesn't mean they're asexual. It doesn't mean something else is the driving priority in their life. It just means that they have a take-it or leave-it approach, for as many reasons as there are those who feel this way.


When I am having a good sexlife, the entire rest of my life is enhanced, even things i am passionate about. It's not taking away or stealing from these other areas. Actually i feel I think better.



Cletus said:


> My wife doesn't avoid sex, nor does she seek it out except as a means to keep the intimacy in our relationship. I long ago quit trying to psychoanalyze why that was, just like I don't try to figure out why sex is so much more important to me than to her.
> 
> We are who we are. The only thing you can do is find someone who is as "you" as you can find and run with it.


I guess so.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

treyvion said:


> When I am having a good sexlife, the entire rest of my life is enhanced, even things i am passionate about. It's not taking away or stealing from these other areas. Actually i feel I think better.


I agree. Good sex can take away a headache. It can make a crappy day a great day. It makes me more affectionate, playful, kind, and less irritable.

Doesn't work that way for my wife. But since she prefers the me that results from getting a little once in a while, it's a reasonable means to an end.

The thing that makes me chime in on these threads is the frequent pathologizing that happens round here to folks with a sex drive that falls within the normal range of human experience. The distribution is wide, and the tails a long way from the mean.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I agree. Good sex can take away a headache. It can make a crappy day a great day. It makes me more affectionate, playful, kind, and less irritable.
> 
> Doesn't work that way for my wife. But since she prefers the me that results from getting a little once in a while, it's a reasonable means to an end.


That works out. There are some who prefer them to be and appear as if they get none, they know that's how it looks and that's how they want it to look.



Cletus said:


> The thing that makes me chime in on these threads is the frequent pathologizing that happens round here to folks with a sex drive that falls within the normal range of human experience. The distribution is wide, and the tails a long way from the mean.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

For my wife it's a combination of kids taking priority over marriage, self-image issues, and an inability to orgasm. She denies this last part is an issue, but I struggle to believe this.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

*Re: Re: What is their priority?*



Cletus said:


> Do you like ice cream? Would you go out of your way to have it several times a week?
> 
> Some folks just aren't inclined to have a lot of sex. It doesn't mean they're asexual. It doesn't mean something else is the driving priority in their life. It just means that they have a take-it or leave-it approach, for as many reasons as there are those who feel this way.
> 
> ...


THIS!!!!

if only someone had told me this kind of stuff BEFORE marriage and kids....


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

Sleep is my wifes # 1 priority. Sex is WAY behind that one.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Trickster said:


> CB- Reading all your post over the past several months, I really think you are my TAM TWIN. The only difference is my wife puts all her energy into our daughter. Although she was a virgin when we met, I didn't think she would NEVER have a desire for sex. Most women want a "friend" first and build on that. Well, I was that friend and 21 years later, I am still that fiend and it bites.



My wife to be was also a virgin when we met.

We are twins........sweet.

Many women never "get it" when it comes to men and sex, yet it is so simple, its silly.

Men are built on test. That makes us in the mood most of time and it doesn't take much to get us in the mood either. Then we gets posts about the ladies asking about men and why they want sex so much??? Really?! It doesn't help either when most women dress sexy, revealing clothing, make up, etc. All for their health and longevity, yes?


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

I want to chime in that there is a difference between a low sex drive and someone who simply doesn't have the inclination to jump through a million hoops, walk on egg shells all day, *be just perfect* and fake being in total emotional and psychological synch that day, eat her/his sht with a big smile and ask for more, and then go through a three hour mating ritual, to have sex. That person may well have a normal sex drive and would rather just go to porn when they aren't feeling up to being Mr Perfect, Superman, Romeo and The Perfect Husband and Father.

I have known women who make it like puling teeth to get them to have sex and then complain they aren't getting enough sex. I have also known women who henpeck the living sht out of their man, regularly emasculate and verbally castrate him and then wonder why he would rather look at porn than make love to her. 

Not saying this is the case here, but I think it is pretty common to mistake ld for something else.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ohno said:


> I want to chime in that there is a difference between a low sex drive and someone who simply doesn't have the inclination to jump through a million hoops, walk on egg shells all day, *be just perfect* and fake being in total emotional and psychological synch that day, eat her/his sht with a big smile and ask for more, and then go through a three hour mating ritual, to have sex. That person may well have a normal sex drive and would rather just go to porn when they aren't feeling up to being Mr Perfect, Superman, Romeo and The Perfect Husband and Father.
> 
> I have known women who make it like puling teeth to get them to have sex and then complain they aren't getting enough sex. I have also known women who henpeck the living sht out of their man, regularly emasculate and verbally castrate him and then wonder why he would rather look at porn than make love to her.
> 
> Not saying this is the case here, but I think it is pretty common to mistake ld for something else.


People act like mentioning something about henpecking is being weak... If she is creating the image of you being henpecked... And you are having to have the mindset of knowing your henpecked even if you don't agree or believe it, how the hell on this earth is that going to appear to be a desireable male?


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

treyvion said:


> People act like mentioning something about henpecking is being weak... If she is creating the image of you being henpecked... And you are having to have the mindset of knowing your henpecked even if you don't agree or believe it, how the hell on this earth is that going to appear to be a desireable male?


Sorry I don't follow. Too many he thinks she thinks he thinks and agreeing to believe pictures of an so forth. How can a male be desirable when he knows he is henpecked? Dunno. Going by what I think of as henpecking, that usually is a behavior he doesn't control so its not really on him.


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## afman (Jul 25, 2013)

sleeping, shopping, watching tv etc....


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