# Should I cut ties with wife's family during this difficult period?



## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

I find myself in a dilemma. Over the years of dating and being married to my wife, I have become very close to her family. Her sister, and her cousins. 

After the separation, I am at a loss of what I should be doing. They have been nothing but supportive of me, but in the end, they are still my wife's family. 

Their very presence is a constant reminder of my wife, and the life I once had. 

I am thinking of cutting ties with them while I go through my grievance period, but am not sure if this is the right thing to do. 

To see them, it is a custody battle. 

I am afraid to lose them, because I cherish their friendship and love very much. They all still consider me as family... but they are a constant reminder of the life I once had and when I am with them... and it pains me. It throws me back that dark hole where I feel I cannot get myself out of. 

I do not know what to do.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

I understand how you are feeling...it is a tough call...I called my H's family..spoke with mother in law..and one sister in law called me back...but since then none have attempted to call or contact me..took everything in my power not to call mother in law to wish her a happy mother's day..

H says they have not contacted me because they don't want to get in the middle and want things to be ok between them(us) if we were to work things out...

Which I can understand to a point..but after 17 years an email or call once in a while would be nice..feel like they have also left me..


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Wondering the same thing. At first, I was in contact with H's mother. Then felt for my own mental health that I needed to withdraw from them in order to pull myself together. It was about 2 weeks that I would not answer MILs phone calls. My kids, 18 and 23, didn't answer her calls to them either, their choice. They finally did talk to her and told her that I just needed time for me, that I'd probably contact her when I felt ready to do so. 

After being in the family for 25 years and developing close relationships with most of them it is hard to not have the same thoughts and feelings that have already been expressed in the previous posts.

In laws keep reassuring me that I (and the kids) will always be family. I so want things to be at least civil for my son's wedding in the fall.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If they are the kind of people who see you as an individual and not just as "her husband," and they care about you for who you are, they will truly understand if you just say that contact right now is just too hard for you, and you hope they will be open to contact again when you feel it won't be so painful.

It sounds like you need to do this for you, and I urge you to do it. You can resume contact if/when you feel it won't be so painful.

FWIW, my family (parents, sibs, me) maintained a good relationships with my sister's husband's ex, which facilitated allowing his son to be part of our family. He came into our lives at age 5 and it was no fault of his that his mom and dad got divorced. He is now 40 and an important part of the family, and his mom knows she is welcome to stay with any of us when traveling, etc. My sister has since divorced her husband and--get this--my sister and her bf are going to stay with my ex BIL's first wife and her husband when they are visiting that area! Weird, huh? But time does seem to have healed the wounds first wife felt, and I'm certain our family's kindness and support to her and her son, when she was a single mom, helped.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm still friends with my X brother in law. So the marriage with my sister didn't work out I still like him as a person. Had dinner with him just a few weeks ago. My sister has a good relationship with him to for their daughter. It's not unusual for BOTH them to come to my house for thanksgiving with their dates.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> I'm still friends with my X brother in law. So the marriage with my sister didn't work out I still like him as a person. Had dinner with him just a few weeks ago. My sister has a good relationship with him to for their daughter. It's not unusual for BOTH them to come to my house for thanksgiving with their dates.


I maintained good relationships with my ex in-laws. I don't not get along with my ex in the least and realize it's his family, so it's not like I'm at gatherings, but we facebook and speak on the phone occasionally. I honestly don't understand how my ex came out of such a great family! If it causes you pain, wait for now. Can always keep up the ties through cards etc., but you don't have to cut ties.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

good question, I know my in laws are going to be shocked by this news, we have always had a great relationship, going to be so hard for them, to support us both. I can't tell them it is H who wants this and not me,just say I am heartbroken by the decision. We have a high school graduation for my nephew coming up, I love those kids like my own, so I think H will want me to be there, not sure how it will be for people and don't want them to be uncomfortable by my presence or absence. Guess I will have to wait for the word, I don't need any more pain or forward, lonely thinking right now


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