# My wife loves me only as a friend.



## wookiemp164 (Feb 8, 2012)

My marriage consists of a giant circle. for 2-3 months everything goes great. Communication is there, the intemacy is there, the romance is there. Then we both get comfortable and stop doing that. This has been a consistancy since 2009 when I got back from Iraq.

For the past 10 months, My wife and I have been seperated due to me being in the Army. Last month, she finally got down to my current duty station. The first week or so was fine but that dreaded circle arised. we slowly became disconnected with eachother and had an argument. I was mad at some little thing and rather than tell her and get her upset, i just held it in. Well she poked and poked until i snapped and told her. She already knew why i was mad but wanted me to talk about it. I gave her one word answers and didnt communicate with her. she left to go to a super bowl party. When the game was over, i recieve a text saying that she is not coming home, she is still mad. She finally came home because I had to go to work to watch the kiddo. That Afternoon, she told me that she no longer loves me as a husband but only as a friend. I asked her if she still cares for me and she said yes. I did the normal guy thing and pleaded with her. It drove her away and she left me. We are now seperated and the only reason why we see eachother is because of the kiddo. 

I know deep down she still loves me. She is afraid that if we try to fix our relationship, it will only continue to do the circle. She is unhappy and wants to be happy. I know that I can make her happy. I also know that I have alot of issues to deal with myself. I drive my wife away from me. I dont want to lose my wife. The only way that will happen is when Im dead. I need help or advise please. Im sorry that this page is all broken up.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

People can only be responsible for their own happiness. If she is blaming you for her unhappiness it is not really about you, it is her own issue to work out. As a loyal husband that loves his W you will do whatever you can to help her with that and, but don't make her unhappiness about you because that kills a relationship. If you are not able or willing to meet her needs then she has to decide how to deal with that whether she can compromise or if it is a dealbreaker for her.

The real concern I have for you is that it seems like you do meet most of her emotional/financial/companionship needs already since she is still with you and tells you she loves you like a brother, its those sexual and other needs that she is trying to fulfill in other ways you need to be wary of... with all your time apart it would be very easy for her to fill those needs with another man, so I highly suggest you consider that possibilty and try to know what is really behind her behavior (and not simply accept the blame she is putting on you for "driving" her away because that is rarely ever the case except in abusive relationships).


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> I drive my wife away from me


Why do you do this? What are you doing to drive her away?

Recognizing where we can change will help to change what's going on in the relationship.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, she's right. If you two continue to do the same things over and over, you'll continue to get the same results. So the question is, what can you do to try to break out of that cycle?

Can you get into some form of counselling to start dealing with your issues? If nothing else, it may leave you in a better place for the next relationship. Best case, it shows her you realize that there's things you need to work on, and you're making the effort to do that.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wookiemp164 (Feb 8, 2012)

When I say I drive her away, i dont communicate. i always have that "warface" expression when doing anything with her. I dont show emotion well. She thinks that I am never happy with anything she does. When I get upset at something she does, she thinks that I am belittling her when i get upset. She will ask to cuddle and i will decline. I drove her away. 

Granted, not all of it is my fault. she also stopped communicating. while we were away she found a "BFF" woman and began hanging out with her. I know that my wife recieved emotional support from this other woman. I dont know how much further it has gotten. I have asked her if their was someone else in her life to which she said no. We rarely talked because her friends were more important and when we did talk, it was before bed and very short. We identified that issue and started communicating more in september. But when she came down here, it has all changed. She is more independent. she no longer "needs" me for anything. She can do it all herself. cuddling was the big issue. she used to be a very physical person. always asking to cuddle. When she came down, I tried to cuddle, but she wouldnt stop texting so i backed off.(why do something if the other person shows no response to it.) she said that the only reason why i did it was because i knew there was an issue. I didnt do it cause I wanted to do it. My facial expression told her that. I genuinely did it because i wanted to. 

We both have issues that we need to work out. and I know about the resolving circle. I am doing counseling for my issues. She needs to be open to couples counseling. here other opinions. she makes up her mind and doesnt confide in anyone.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

I really hate to go this route on you but I'm sincerely looking out for you here... But are you sure she's not cheating on you? Your time away on duty may have presented her opportunities.

She went to that super bowl party and then didn't come home because *<insert easiest reason to give her husband = "I'm still mad at you">*. Then it sounds like you got a different version of the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line from her, which is often used when the spouse has something going on w/ someone else and is totally checked out of the first relationship.

These are big red flags to me. Just because you asked her if there was someone else in her life doesn't mean she is going to be forthright and honest with you. She likely won't be honest with you if there's any reason whatsoever (financially / you being a Plan B fallback option, whatever...) to keep you in her life. She could be a cake-eater. 

My gut says something's up man... If I were you I would start doing some snooping around.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I also wondered about whether there is someone else. The circumstances and opportunity all suggest at least a reasonable concern.

If she is saying she doesn't love you as a husband and doesn't seem interested in working things out. It sounds like you need to step back and see whether this relationship is actually dead or at least beyond the point of recovery.


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