# How to proceed?



## noloveleft (Feb 28, 2011)

Hello All,
Newbie here. I have been married 6 years. My wife and I have one child, a son who is a toddler. Seems like since our son was born that after caring for him I have no more love, patience, or compassion for my wife. I always wanted children but now I do not know if I am well suited to care for a wife and a child at the same time. Recently she has noticed this and asks me why I am acting/treating her the way that I am (withdrawn, short, etc.). I don’t have an answer and/or am too scared to tell her the truth. 

I am an adventurous, outdoor person. Obviously, since our son came along I have not been able to do as many of things that I love (camping, hiking, skiing, etc.) and I feel trapped. I feel like I was never able to fulfill many of my dreams. I feel that if we were separated that I would be able to do the things I love more regularly and without feeling guilty from leaving my wife and son behind. Others time I just feel like a selfish jerk for wanting to spend time away from family. I just do not seek to be happy unless I am pursuing fun. 

I also find myself talking and flirting with other ladies I meet at the bar when I occasionally go out with buddies. I don’t know if I seeking that excitement which comes with meeting a new person or if I am just trying to boost my own confidence as I also struggle with depression. 

Should we seek counseling or even a separation so that I can understand how much we need/love one another? Funny how I am the one seeking advice when my wife and son are the victims.


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## AlwaysThinkingMaybe (Jan 31, 2011)

Please, please consider individual counseling.

Children are life changing, and at the age of yours very time consuming and a often feels like a full time commitment.

I think you're feeling depressed about how much this has changed for you, maybe a little overwhelmed and its taking its toll on your relationship with your wife.

You CAN be active and still be a great full time father.

You CAN have you time and dad time and husband time.

And trust me, as your child grows into a more independent stage, it will become less and less overwhelming.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

What your feeling isn't uncommon. There are a lot of books about this.

I would recommend
Keep Your Relationships Strong after Baby Comes

You 100% should seek MC. Tell your wife you love her, are going through a hard time, and want to make this work.

Do this NOW. Don't wait till 6 month or a year from now when you are so burned out and angry and hurt that you walk away from a loving wife and kid. Make this work. 

You can be happy in your marriage. Work to find out why you aren't and how to get there.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

There is no reason you still cannot go outdoors & do the things you enjoy. Get one of those backpack carriers for your child. 

You need to work on this now, before it gets worse & you get more & more resentful.


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