# my wife dont want me to go down on her. she loves to give me bj . why



## redmex (Jan 19, 2017)

i have 6 years leaving with her. i dont have problem geting a bj but she wont let me get down on her. why?


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## Stack (Mar 14, 2016)

You should ask her. Just guessing...

Maybe she prefers to please you, be the source of pleasure, as opposed to receive pleasure. 
Maybe she's worried you won't like it and will come up in a few seconds. 
Maybe oral sex is more intimate for her than intercourse or fellatio.
Maybe she can't relax... because all the "bad stuff" that occurs. It's moist and warm. Surely, it smells bad and tastes worse.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Before I met my wife, I encountered several women that actually loathed their vaginas, and considered a man using his mouth on them, distasteful. In one case, my former girlfriend had never experienced oral sex. With some gentle prodding and a bit of alcohol, she discovered what she had been missing, and became quite ardent. Another girlfriend completely refused. She could achieve orgasm digitally and was nauseated by my desire to lick her "down there".


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## Robert_1980 (Jun 24, 2016)

There's a ton of body image stuff related to women letting you go downtown. Despite what you see on youporn.com, many women don't receive as much pleasure as you would think. Such a delicate area, having an unshaven face and agressive tongue overworking it. Too much is not pleasurable.

If you're going to get that up close and personal, she may need to be in the right mindset, be clean and groomed up a little, so she feels fresh and sexy. They're letting you into a very special place, and if they haven't bothered to trim up a little and clean up, too, you'll probably see a red stop light at the intersection of that street.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

She may not like it in general, from anybody, and thinks it's gross.

She may have body image issues about her vagina.

She may have had a bad experience with oral sex in the past.

She may not like your technique (it took my wife a couple of years to tell me I was too sloppy when I did it)

She may have an ultra-sensitive clit (my ex wife did, I could barely even breath on it without causing her discomfort or even pain)



Easy answer - ask her. She knows, not us


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Great responses so far. The key is that it is her body and she gets to decide. You can ask her, you can tell her that you would like to, but ultimately if she doesn't want to, the two of you need to figure out something else to do that you BOTH enjoy. Same is true with BJ's, anal, and a host of other sex practices. Don't try to change her and don't "insult her by trying to educate her." You are either trying to force her to do something you want to do, because you want it or you feel she should enjoy it. Neither of those are reasons to attempt to make her change. Actually she can only change herself, you can just ask.

Now one final experience. Some women are very sensitive about their "scent." She may really like kissing you or snuggling with you and not want to be close to something that smells like her soiled panties, no matter how much you want to smell like her soiled panties.


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## ChipperE (Nov 16, 2016)

I am very self-conscious about receiving oral sex. The only time I am up for it is if I'm just out of the shower/bath and have shaved . Other than that I worry about the smell, feeling, ect. I've never been told I smell bad, and in fact most men I've been with have loved doing it, so I have no reason to be self-concious. It's unavoidable. It's a very personal space and if someone's goping ot have their mouth on it I need to make sure it's perfectly clean. I'm not nearly as paranoid with intercourse, so it's not an OCD thing.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

redmex said:


> i have 6 years leaving with her. i dont have problem geting a bj but she wont let me get down on her. why?


Anxiety

Sexual beliefs

How she was raised

-Communicate
-Increase the relational connection


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

Instead of seeing this as a problem, maybe work on seeing it just as her preference - she likes icecream, you like chocolate. She likes musicals, you like? 

Try and understand why it is concerning you. The way that I see it, you have two possible issues here ... 

One: you are upset that she is not allowing you to give her pleasure in a very specific way. Maybe she just doesn't enjoy it as much as you think she might? And this is not a reflection on either your technique or her general responsiveness. I'm similar - I enjoy giving BJ's, but receiving oral sex doesn't do as much for me as other things can. I have enough experience to know that it isn't about technique, but rather just the way I am made. Given a choice, I'd rather my husband uses his fingers on me. This is always uh ... very much satisfactory. And it allows his mouth to be used elsewhere at the same time. I think that for me, the deeper stimulation that can be achieved with fingers is just much better. Plus I like the full body contact of having him "up here with me" - I feel a bit lonely when he gives me oral sex. (As weird as that sounds.) So my suggestion would be to focus on what your wife does enjoy.

Two: you want to enjoy sharing such an intimate thing with her. This one is more difficult, especially if she is self-conscious about this part of her body. How else can you share a similar intimacy? As a suggestion, my husband and I play a game where we allow each other access to each other's bodies. To arrange, touch, blow on ... just generally explore. (There was watercolour paint a few times.) It slows things down and can be more relaxing. If she doesn't want you to use your mouth, then that is her right. But perhaps she might allow you to touch and explore her? Also, if you agree in advance when and where, she can make sure that she is clean (in her mind) and "respectable" to minimise any self-consciousness - if that is her problem (it was an issue for me early in my relationship). (FWIW - it was in playing this game that we discovered how much I enjoyed finger stimulation ...)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why does she have to like it? We are all different and dont need a reason, she just doesnt.


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## ulyssesheart (Jan 7, 2017)

ChipperE said:


> I am very self-conscious about receiving oral sex. The only time I am up for it is if I'm just out of the shower/bath and have shaved . Other than that I worry about the smell, feeling, ect. I've never been told I smell bad, and in fact most men I've been with have loved doing it, so I have no reason to be self-concious. It's unavoidable. It's a very personal space and if someone's goping ot have their mouth on it I need to make sure it's perfectly clean. I'm not nearly as paranoid with intercourse, so it's not an OCD thing.


This is a good answer. And a correct answer.

The body image thing is another, as is cultural taboos. Women are not supposed to enjoy sex. The V is for making babies. Missionary is the only proper position.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I used to love receiving oral when I was young, but by my mid 30's I can't say I really much liked it. It just didn't get me to where I wanted to go and I would usually lose arousal and be kind of bored by it. The reality is we all have different things that we enjoy. You should ask her why, and if it's important to you you guys can work on it, but really she is the only one who knows why.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

For me it constitutes a sexual mis match.....definitely a deal breaker.......but that's just me........


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Pethaps it's ignorance on my part, but oral sex for either sex is, or should be just about as natural as breathing air!

I cannot help but agree with all of the others here who advocate that within the embodiment of a loving, committed relationship, regardless of gender, not submitting to oral should be the tantamount dealbreaker!*


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

redmex said:


> i have 6 years leaving with her. i dont have problem geting a bj but she wont let me get down on her. why?


Gee, I wonder how many men would like to be in that predicament? :wink2:


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

She is the only one that can answer. 

Perhaps you just aren't good at it, not all men are you know. Untill you talk with her then it is all just speculation and TBH a waste of time.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Maybe you should ask her, say you want to give her pleasure and ask why she doesn't like oral on her, maybe she can share with you what she does actually like.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

redmex said:


> i have 6 years leaving with her. i dont have problem geting a bj but she wont let me get down on her. why?



She might be insecure about her body and doesn't want you going down on her. Many reasons for that.

Her giving you a BJ, makes her feel in control, she's great at it and she's pleasing you.

My wife is the same way after 17 years of marriage.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> She is the only one that can answer.
> 
> Perhaps you just aren't good at it, not all men are you know. Untill you talk with her then it is all just speculation and TBH a waste of time.


Lol, your comment would have been really thoughtful without the "Perhaps you just aren't good at it." part. Redmex just ask her.


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## gt30743 (Apr 10, 2017)

redmex said:


> i have 6 years leaving with her. i dont have problem geting a bj but she wont let me get down on her. why?


I agree with your wife, I am just not comfortable receiving oral but love giving it to my hubby. I will let my husband "get down" (I prefer "oral love" :x but its the same thing) when he wants but he knows its not my favorite thing.


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