# 25th Anniversary of First Date...



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

and we spent it hashing out the details and figures of our mediation paperwork in anticipation of our appointment this week. We didn't even acknowledge it to each other. Never thought I'd be here but life has a way of happening while we make plans I guess. I would never wish to go back and not go on that date though...then I wouldn't have my girls and nothing is worth giving them up, nothing. 

Really hoping the actual mediation appointment goes as well as tonight did!!! The good news is that his 401K has way more in it than I thought so I will be better set for retirement than I thought I would be thankfully. We cashed out my 401K to buy our first home so we are splitting the sum of both ours 50/50 to be fair to me since I lost a lot of interest by cashing out so early.

I'm still waiting for things to get really messy but so far so good.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Daughters and more money than expected, I’d take it. Stay strong.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

NMJ - are you going to continue to live in the “in-law apartment” (for lack of a better word)?

What does the new SO think of that? Must be hard on both of you.


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

notmyjamie said:


> I would never wish to go back and not go on that date though...then I wouldn't have my girls and nothing is worth giving them up, nothing.


^^This

I do believe that everything happens for a reason even if we can't see it while we are in the thick of it. Every time I regret marrying STBXH, I remember my boys. They are such a gift and I can't imagine my life without them.

Good luck with the mediation. Hopefully you will be able to wrap it all up quickly.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Absurdist said:


> NMJ - are you going to continue to live in the “in-law apartment” (for lack of a better word)?
> 
> What does the new SO think of that? Must be hard on both of you.


Yes, that is still the plan for now. I'm used to the fact that STBX is right there so that's not a big deal too much anymore. I've still managed to detach very well. And I think he's finally starting to detach too...I went into my old bedroom for something the other day and the picture of the two of us is finally gone from his nightstand. I noticed another picture of us from when we first met is turned over. He hasn't gotten totally rid of it yet but it's not upright to view it anymore. Baby steps I guess. 

I like that my kids are right next door but I do still feel like I don't see them enough. I think some of that is just that they are teenagers so they are always on the go. Some of it is that they don't think to come over to my place. I tend to go over and see them for a bit before STBX gets home. 

As far as the new SO, he doesn't seem to care. He's been to my apartment a bunch of times. The first time he came he joked with me that we'll never, ever have sex in my apartment. Except he wasn't joking and that's okay. It's just not private enough. He is not insecure about my living so close to my STBX at all though. I told him the truth about why I'm divorcing so he knows there is no reason to be worried about us getting back together. 

I met his mother recently and she knew all about my living situation. She talked about it in a way that shows he and she just think of it as a big sacrifice I'm making for the good of my children. She said he admires me for it. But a couple times he has remarked that someday, if things go well, he'd like to think that we could eventually get a place together. he always says "you know, after your daughter graduates" so he knows how important it is to me.

My biggest issue when I started dating was that I didn't want my STBX or even my kids to always know when I was going out. My kids figured out pretty easily that I was dating based on how often I went out. But, they are very supportive of it and even encouraging. They've had a lot thrown at them in the last year and I'm really proud of how they are handling all of it. Now that they know my STBX is gay, they want me to date and be happy so they encourage me to go out and have fun. They think I deserve it as they know I stayed married for a long time after I knew he was gay to keep their family together and they just want me to be happy now. That has made things a lot easier.

I do feel a little badly that my STBX knows how much I'm going out and I'm sure he's not very happy that I've moved on as he never wanted to divorce in the first place. But I can't worry about that anymore. If he really can't stand it he can always say he wants to sell and truly go our separate ways. We'd just have to figure out a way to make that work.

I'm really looking forward to getting this mediation appointment done. We have everything pretty much decided on so it should go pretty quickly. I just want the papers filed. I want my name back. I know that probably sounds stupid but walking around with his name is just a reminder of the sham that my marriage was and I want it gone. According to the mediator, the divorce should be final by Feb/March.


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