# I'm a jerk but my wife loves me anyway



## dodgerblue (Oct 18, 2011)

I blame my wife for things that aren't her fault. For some reason I still have a problem with her sexual encounters from before I knew her. We've been together 15 years and married for 9 and have a baby. She does anything for me but for some reason I don't appreciate it and don't show her enough love. We've never cheated on each other and I never would do that. But I do look at other attractive women. I guess to sum it up, I just feel like I don't have the same feelings for her that I did years ago and it upsets me. Because I don't want to make her miserable and I don't want a divorce. I just don't know why I am the way I am. I think I just have a big ego and want to show who's boss and make all the decisions. She would make any man happy. I just don't know why I'm not.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sounds pretty common.

Married Man Sex Life


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nothing wrong with that mate, I'm an a$$ too, just as much as she's a complete b-tch from hell, but we love each other regardless.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I am glad you are realizing that YOU have a problem. It can and will impact your marriage, if not now, eventually. 

Your problem is YOU. You probably don't like youself as well as you could. You aren't living your best life and you likely had a childhood that makes it hard for you to fully open up to people, including your wife.

I guess what I am saying is that your wife is not responsible for making you happy, nor is any other woman. That is your job. It comes from within, not from external things.

I would suggest getting into therapy to figure out why you are unhappy with your life, even though you have a nice family and a great wife. Maybe you don't feel like you deserve it? Maybe you fear losing it? Maybe you have mild depression?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> Nothing wrong with that mate, I'm an a$$ too, just as much as she's a complete b-tch from hell, but we love each other regardless.


Random Dude, I love that Humble wicked sense of humor or yours and I know you speak your heart, it is still damn funny to me :rofl::rofl::rofl:

In our marraige, accualy I am capable of being a real WITCH if I want to be, and have been in some of my angrier Moments... one time my husband went & snapped a picture of me b****ing in our earlier years -just so I could see myself. ha ha It is like... if Mama ain't happy Nobody is -generally but he still loves me to tears, always has. He is a sweetheart compared to me--if we had to compare of coarse. 

I'm like a fine wine, I've gotten better with age.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ok DodgerBlue...what is it ...Mid Life Crisis?... Attraction issues.... Boredom.... be honest with yourself...what are you wanting, seeking ? Are you upset she has had more men-you wish the "score" was even somehow? Many men have mentioned this sort of issue on these forums before... could be a sense of insecurity there ?

How about a book like this ......to help revive those feelings for your wife -instead of looking outside of the marraige. Amazon.com: Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse (9781580627924): Shmuley Boteach: Books


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## dodgerblue (Oct 18, 2011)

I've been with more partners than she has so I don't know why I get upset. I know its hypocritical. Mid-life crisis? Not sure? I'm about to be 35. New baby changed some things but I get easily irritated by so many things. My life has totally changed in the past 5 years. We used to go out a lot, I had friends that came over every weekend. Now its just me, the wife and the baby every night, including the weekends. I have many issues, I guess. I am bored, my wife doesn't want to try to lose her baby weight, and we can't do much because of the baby, which I love by the way. But more importantly, not sure of why I have to be short with her and be mean.


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## hurtgirl34 (Oct 7, 2011)

Wow...for a min there, I thought u might be my husband lol. Anyway, let me say...please talk to someone to find out why u are so angry or capable of being so mean to someone who is only loving you. I guess at this point, I am too much of a doormat to tell my husband he needs anger mgmt. But I am growing very tired of giving and giving and giving only to get hurt by the one you give to.

It is a terrible feeling inside to have the one you love treat you so coldly and one day she may just not have anything left to give.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

dodgerblue said:


> I've been with more partners than she has so I don't know why I get upset. I know its hypocritical. Mid-life crisis? Not sure? I'm about to be 35. New baby changed some things but I get easily irritated by so many things. My life has totally changed in the past 5 years. We used to go out a lot, I had friends that came over every weekend. Now its just me, the wife and the baby every night, including the weekends. I have many issues, I guess. I am bored, my wife doesn't want to try to lose her baby weight, and we can't do much because of the baby, which I love by the way. But more importantly, not sure of why I have to be short with her and be mean.


Got it.....the changes are not what you expected....too much all at once.....you miss just you & her, the dating/going out ....Friends over on weekends....you have lost some attraction due to the baby weight and feel guilty about this ....and feel the baby has taken over your lives to some degree. And feel guilty for saying this as well. I think what you are describing is pretty normal accually. The feelings anyway. 

Treating her badly is not OK, but maybe you are one who wears it all on the sleeve, to the detriment to everyone around you, need to get a handle on your actions some...Talk to her, if you are sorry for the way you are acting, let her know, but also let her know what is bothering you - so she can make sense of it...


That you miss the "US" weekends, old times with friends, etc. 

Our babies (we've had 6) never stopped us from seeing friends, not a day. They would still come over on weekends. And be as loud as ever. I was the type of mom.."the kids had to adjust to us". Maybe a little rough around the edges, but it never hurt any of them. I wasn't the type who would say ..."Sshhh.. the baby is sleeping". Never done that. 

For starters, see if your wife would allow your friends over - to bring some of the FUN you are missing back in , hey, that was a part of your life, don't see why you should have to cut it all off. Maybe see how it goes once or twice a month. 

Do you have any babysitters/parents so you & her can continue to go out alone - at the very least once or twice a month. This is healthy. This is something me & my husband neglected but shouldn't have, looking back. We did it once in a blue moon, not near enough. 

Baby weight may take some time. NOt sure you want to go there with that conversation.


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## dodgerblue (Oct 18, 2011)

hurtgirl34 said:


> Wow...for a min there, I thought u might be my husband lol. Anyway, let me say...please talk to someone to find out why u are so angry or capable of being so mean to someone who is only loving you. I guess at this point, I am too much of a doormat to tell my husband he needs anger mgmt. But I am growing very tired of giving and giving and giving only to get hurt by the one you give to.
> 
> It is a terrible feeling inside to have the one you love treat you so coldly and one day she may just not have anything left to give.


You're all right. Actually, I've been feeling better about all the advice and came home from work and was extra nice to her. I know that she knows I was a little different today. I really needed to hear what another woman felt about this. I also noticed that certain things that she did, I would normally nitpick but I just let it go. I have a hard time letting things go and have a short fuse. My father was always coming home drunk when I was a kid and would argue with my mom so bad that everything in the kitchen would be broken. I have his anger but I don't drink. I don't go to that extent but I do upset her when I get angry at her for minor things that don't mean anything. I'm glad that I could get advice from someone because I felt a lot happier today. I know it will be tough keeping it up since I've been this way for a long time.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

dodgerblue said:


> I blame my wife for things that aren't her fault. For some reason I still have a problem with her sexual encounters from before I knew her. We've been together 15 years and married for 9 and have a baby. She does anything for me but for some reason I don't appreciate it and don't show her enough love. We've never cheated on each other and I never would do that. But I do look at other attractive women. I guess to sum it up, I just feel like I don't have the same feelings for her that I did years ago and it upsets me. Because I don't want to make her miserable and I don't want a divorce. I just don't know why I am the way I am. I think I just have a big ego and want to show who's boss and make all the decisions. She would make any man happy. I just don't know why I'm not.


Please get some qualified help. It sounds like you have deep-seated childhood issues. Keep all of the above up and she will either cheat, leave, or both. And I'm sorry to say, I can't say I'd blame her.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

A therapist can help you confront the anger you have from your childhood (you had good reason to feel bad about a chaotic childhood like that!) and learn how to be happier and more loving. You can be the one to break the cycle so that your child doesn't have to grow up in an angry, hurtful household.

My husband is a tough cop and he goes to therapy and so do I and it has helped us and our marriage SO MUCH! You won't regret it.


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