# Unhappy Newly-Wed



## xoxoxowife (Aug 19, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for less than 3 months and I'm already struggling to find the reasons why I married him. It mostly boils down to a complete lack of intimacy. 

On our honeymoon, I had to CONVINCE him to have sex with me. I was successful two times, and he complaining that he was too tired to do anything. Since then we have only had sex twice, putting our grand total to four times since marriage.

Before we were married, we were very intimate when we were living 120 miles away from each other and only seeing each other about once a month. I'm not sure what the problem is... He was still a virgin when he met me and I was his first. Definitely not the cause with myself, but I did not have many sexual partners. I don't believe he is comparing himself to them, because I have never verbally compared them and I have always been satisfied with my husband.

The thing that is most bothering me is that he doesn't feel like it is important in our relationship. I love sex and I feel that it brings us closer. I have tried explaining this to him, even telling him that I have sexual needs. But this doesn't help. I'm considering seeing a counselor, but he absolutely refuses to go.

What options do I have other than divorce? I want to fix this, but I know that feeling has to be mutual. He thinks nothing is wrong. I'm in tears and I would never dream of leaving him, but everything we had is almost gone.

Please help. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

The only option other than divorce is you "change" and learn to be content with he thinks there is "nothing wrong" with having sex 4 times in 3 months..

You arent trying to"fix this" you are trying to "fix him" ///

If on your honeymoon you had to "convince him to have sex"..then that is most likely your fait from now on ..(convincing him ot have sex with you )

Anyway accept it or get a divorce..you cant "fix him"..

Dallas


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Won't have sex with you. Check.

Doesn't want to have sex with you. Check.

Never wanted to have sex with you. Check.

Doesn't see anything wrong with continuing to not have sex with you. Check.

Isn't interested in getting help to solve your problems. Check.

Is perfectly content the way things are. Check.

By your own admission almost everything you have is "gone". Check.

It's over.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I agree with Dallas, most men are dying to have sex with their new bride during the honeymoon. If you had to convince your husband then something is not right about that. Its only been 3 months, and I doubt things will get better. An anullemnt is probably your best option. You deserve to be and feel desired by your new husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

He has to admit there is a problem. 

Although to offer another perspective. My xw and I only had sex maybe a half dozen times our first year of marriage. Why you ask? Well to be truthful, it was exhausting. She always expected me to jump through hoops for it and to be honest it just wasn't worth it. lol By the time we got to the sex part I was usually so tired i just wanted to go to sleep. lol


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Or accept it..the two options...bail..(which no one would blame you) of "accept) which at that point you chose to "drop" the deep desire for sex...

I doubt serioulsy (maybe Im negative) that you can make a man with ZERO (sounds like) attention desire for sex to have one..

IOW if you want sexaul attention you cant "make" your husband have that for you ..Even if he was LEAPING on you a couple times a month I would say differrent but even when you have sex its you "convincing him"..

NOT good!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> He has to admit there is a problem.
> 
> Although to offer another perspective. My xw and I only had sex maybe a half dozen times our first year of marriage. Why you ask? Well to be truthful, it was exhausting. She always expected me to jump through hoops for it and to be honest it just wasn't worth it. lol By the time we got to the sex part I was usually so tired i just wanted to go to sleep. lol



:scratchhead:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> She always expected me to jump through hoops for it and to be honest it just wasn't worth it.



This part intrigues me ..examples please..

Dallas


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> This part intrigues me ..examples please..
> 
> Dallas


Oh, the list was endless (at least it seemed) I had to cook a romantic dinner, run her a bubble bath with candles, rose petals on the bed...and the list goes on and on. I totally get that being romantic and doing this stuff on occasion is great. Women eat it up. But to expect it, no, DEMAND it EVERY time or it didn't happen is just ridicules IMO. (and even then it wasn't a guarantee of sex)


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Oh, the list was endless (at least it seemed) I had to cook a romantic dinner, run her a bubble bath with candles, rose petals on the bed...and the list goes on and on. I totally get that being romantic and doing this stuff on occasion is great. Women eat it up. But to expect it, no, DEMAND it EVERY time or it didn't happen is just ridicules IMO. (and even then it wasn't a guarantee of sex)


LOL! Well I dont "eat that up" ..I would rather run my own bath water (no rose petals required) take a bath put on my PJ's and watch t.v..sometimes..I do NOT "expect that" ...Im in the mood or NOT in the mood ..those things are silly..Im not in to "games" which is what that is..


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

xowife, demand he get tested for low t, do you know if he masturbates? Was his virginity before you a moral/religious choice? He may have some underlining issues from his childhood as well.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

If sex is important to you, then you have to consider breaking up with him. Try everything you can to fix it, but in the end if it doesn't work, then leave. 

Most importantly don't have a child with him like this because after you do, it's harder to leave. Then again, if you don't have sex, this won't be an issue.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And in a nutshell... The LD person says there's no problem, because they have sex as often as they like. The HD person is left feeling rejected, unloved, and frustrated. Until your husband realizes that there IS a problem, and that you won't tolerate it, this will be your life. Until it gets worse.

How old are the two of you? And ow long did you date before you got married?

C


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Sex _is_ important to the marriage relationship. If you're already hurting and struggling over this, things won't get any better if he doesn't agree to get some help. I know you don't want to divorce, and a lot of people would call you shallow for divorcing over sex, but if my husband turned around and refused to have sex with me more than once every two weeks and didn't care that it hurt me, and refused to get help, I'd divorce him. As I'm sure he would to me. I don't think it's shallow at all. Divorcing for not getting a rim job, that's shallow.

Sex is one of the deepest expressions of love, and you are entitled to be loved _in all ways_ by your spouse. That's why we say vows. I would suggest expressing to him, frankly and to the point, that sex is important to you. Express _how_ important it is. Ask him to get tested for low T, ask him if he's willing to work with you on your sex life. If he says that he thinks things are fine, let him know that things aren't fine for you. If he still doesn't show any progress, let him know you will leave if he doesn't start meeting your needs more often.

Especially if you were intimate before marriage, and it's only now that things have changed, it is completely unfair of him to expect you to go without.


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## Izzie (Aug 17, 2012)

Hhhhmmm... At the risk of sounding harsh I'm going to ask: Are you sure he is not gay? Many many many gay men started out married first to "satisfy" society's expectations only to wind up divorced with children and then live out their lives and sexuality with MEN.

Is he attracted to you? Could he possibly have married you because you are a pretty, nice girl, who takes great care of him, but you're just not his type; sexually?

I doubt he has low testosterone because you all sound like young people, and he is denying there's a problem. The fact that he's denying the problem speaks volumes. He knows something is up, he just doesn't want YOU to catch on.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

You have only been married 3 months - Usually newly weds are all over eachother. Something is wrong..

It more then likely things won't change anytime soon if ever.


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