# Is this fair



## EliseRenee (Nov 13, 2012)

How many times a week is "normal" in marriage? 

My husband gets mad (and insecure) of I don't have sex EVERY NIGHT! It's probably on average 3-4 nights a week. I have to sleep naked, If I say no to sex or sleeping naked, he will ask until I say yes or get pissed off & say mean things.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

How old are you both?
How long have you been married? 
I'd say 3-4 times a week is a lot, more than most married couples, but that's just my opinion. . but it depends on how long you have been going on like this.

You're a grown woman, I am assuming, and free to sleep in whatever (or no) attire as you please without being badgered. Saying mean things to you is inappropriate and hardly acting like a loving husband. 

You need to tell him a compromise should be made, that's what marriage is - compromise. Not him telling you what to wear or not to wear to bed and demanding sex every night. 

And there is no "normal" it depends on you & your spouse, what you two consider "normal" - whatever you two are comfortable with. 

Clearly he is verbally abusive, and I hope he isn't being physically or sexually abusive with you either. If so, you need to get to a safe place.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

"Normal" likely varies from couple to couple. 

It doesn't sound like that is the problem, though, as much as him dictating how you sleep and badgering you into sex if you've said no. That sounds like a recipe for long term resentment and unhappiness.


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## steam (May 21, 2012)

married 40+ years we are in our mid 60"s, and are intimate 3 or more times a week


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

As others have said, there is no 'normal' for anyone but the two in the relationship. It sounds like you and your husband have different views and needs as far as how often. There is no magic way to fix this. Only communication without defensiveness. You both really need to try and understand the other persons needs, because yes, for many men, sex is a NEED, not just getting their rocks off.

My STBW and I have sex 10-15 times per week, both of us initiating about the same amount, so that works for us because we are on the same page.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

EliseRenee said:


> How many times a week is "normal" in marriage?
> 
> My husband gets mad (and insecure) of I don't have sex EVERY NIGHT! It's probably on average 3-4 nights a week. I have to sleep naked, If I say no to sex or sleeping naked, he will ask until I say yes or get pissed off & say mean things.


I think you married my ex husband. Sorry.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So do you feel it's the frequency of his sexual demands that's the problem, or his response when you don't want sex? I have my opinions, but I'm curious about what you're actually posting/ complaining about...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think she means the problem is this:



EliseRenee said:


> How many times a week is "normal" in marriage?
> 
> My husband *gets mad (and insecure) *of I don't have sex EVERY NIGHT! It's probably on average 3-4 nights a week. I have to sleep naked, If I say no to sex or sleeping naked, *he will ask until I say yes or get pissed off & say mean things*.


Sounds manipulative/controlling/my-way-or-the-highway-berates her if they don't have sex.

Not cool.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

EliseRenee said:


> How many times a week is "normal" in marriage?
> 
> My husband gets mad (and insecure) of I don't have sex EVERY NIGHT! It's probably on average 3-4 nights a week. I have to sleep naked, If I say no to sex or sleeping naked, he will ask until I say yes or get pissed off & say mean things.


What kind of mean things does he say? Is he able to communicate respectfully why sex every night is a need for him?

As has been mentioned, what is normal or average varies. It's more important that you BOTH are agreeable to the frequency. That means compromise. I think every night is a pretty high expectation, and he should realize this and at least be respectful if he is going to push for that frequency. 

If you are happy to have sex three or four times a week, I'd say he's doing way better than a lot of HD spouses and he should consider what bullying you for more might mean to your marriage in the long run. 

And wear what you want to wear to bed. Stop letting him act like a two year old when he doesn't get his way. You are both adults and should be able to communicate as such.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

EliseRenee said:


> How many times a week is "normal" in marriage?
> 
> My husband gets mad (and insecure) of I don't have sex EVERY NIGHT! It's probably on average 3-4 nights a week. I have to sleep naked, If I say no to sex or sleeping naked, he will ask until I say yes or get pissed off & say mean things.


This seems very very off to me. If I were you and this made me uncomfortable, as it seems to be doing to you, I wouldn't accept this at all.


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## Silvr Surfer (Sep 25, 2013)

So if you say no his response if to say mean things? Sounds awesome. 3-4 times a week is in the normal range, though as others have said it varies from couple to couple. That said, if he's not working harder than you've made it appear in your post, you have a reasonable gripe.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

EliseRenee said:


> How many times a week is "normal" in marriage?
> 
> My husband gets mad (and insecure) of I don't have sex EVERY NIGHT! It's probably on average 3-4 nights a week. I have to sleep naked, If I say no to sex or sleeping naked, he will ask until I say yes or get pissed off & say mean things.



Sounds like hubby is very HD and as annoying as it might be, his sex drive will taper off over the years. At least he not viewing porn or seeing another woman. He only wants to be with you and often because he loves you and thinks you are hot. Enjoy this while it lasts.:smthumbup:

But average per week, I'd say 3 - 4x week.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Gets mad if you don't sleep naked? I'm confused. How else does one sleep? lol j/k 

Everyone's drive is different. It's how we handle the understanding, compromise and ensuing communication that matters. It sounds like those may be things he needs help with.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

My STBH and I are every night, a few times each night..when he's home!! When he's away well obviously nothing except sexting!! Our ages - me 33, STBH - 45

I would say my intimacy is the same pace as Samyeager above, both of us initiate, etc. 

To bed, I love my little silk and lace nighties I get at Victoria Secret. I always wear those when STBH is home. When he's not its in a habs shirt and flannel pants LOL. 

Samy you arent my STBH are you? LOL


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Ha! Nope  Fortunately, we're both home every night. Most of the week, we go once, but two or three days a week it'll be three or four times. She had surgery a week ago, and I had planned on a couple of weeks off, but we've ended up five times, all initiated by her, no pressure from me 

As far as wearing what not to bed, my undressing pleasure usually comes from taking off what ever she wore to work, always a thong underneath  To bed, it doesn't really matter what she wears because even with long drawn out forplay, our clothes are off pretty quickly.

Back to the OP, your husband wanting sex as frequently as he does does not make him a freak, and as justdance4me shows, neither does it make a woman strange either. I am not sure the issue here is how often he wants sex, it's how he treats you when he doesn't get it. You two really do need to talk this like adults and get on the same page.


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## thrall (Sep 26, 2013)

I agree with the other posters. Normal is subjective.

My wife and are both HD. We have sex probably six days out of the week, but I'm sure that will taper off as the years go by. We both have an understanding of this going in and we just generally find it fun and exciting to enjoy each other. 

But the part that is really twisted is that he demands you sleep naked?? I would get nut slapped if I demanded that of my wife...just like I'd be offended if she ordered me to wear all red when I cleaned the gutter...I mean, that's just weird. :scratchhead:


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## thrall (Sep 26, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I think she means the problem is this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree: Yeah, I tried to put that in my post...but...brain is not working. 

I could see if he asked her to sleep naked as a way to spice things up...but every night? Wow.


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## Knobbers (Sep 25, 2013)

I'm sorry your husband doesn't accept 3 or 4 times a week. I would say you guys are average to above, compared to most couples I know. 

My wife and I are 6 times a week minimal, except for that time of the month. We are both in our late thirties and have been with one another 20 years, but it hasn't always been this much. We found over time that we love having orgasms with each other and that being intimate that much bonds us incredibly. In saying all that, my wife refuses to sleep naked also, for one we have 3 children ages 12 and under. Also she just doesn't feel comfortable doing it. 

I would love for her to sleep naked, but understand her apprehension and would not want her to do it just for me. I joke with her that its on my bucket list, but never make her feel bad about not wanting to do it. Its her choice, her body and that's reason enough for me not to push it.

I would see if you guys can compromise on bedtime attire, my wife wears sexy VC clothing to bed and that pacifies me just fine. I guess your hubby might just be challenging you and your limits, sort of a how much does she love me type thing. Thing is, he isn't realizing he is showing you a lack of love by not respecting your limits and supporting your feelings. 

My advice is to communicate and compromise, like most issues in marriage. Let him know it doesn't have anything to do with how much you love him, but instead with how comfortable you are. Like many people in this world, myself included, he might have insecurities and this part of his married life might be one of them.

All it takes is one guy friend of his to talk about how his wife sleeps naked and they have wild sex 10 times a week, for him to think I wish my wife loved me that much. I don't know if that's true in your case, but it would have been my reaction years ago. 

Hope this helps.


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## KAM1959 (Aug 28, 2013)

you have got to be young in age and marriage. Your husband has no reason to complain. If your getting together 3-4 times a week that is great and I tell you this as a man I would be as happy as a lark! I have been married for decades and believe me it becomes less and less over the years. 
As far as insisting you sleep naked that is a "little" over the top. You are perhaps the most compliant wife I have ever heard of yet. Tell him for me he is luck so shut up and just joy the fact that he doesn't go without for months like some of us.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> As others have said, there is no 'normal' for anyone but the two in the relationship. It sounds like you and your husband have different views and needs as far as how often. There is no magic way to fix this. Only communication without defensiveness. You both really need to try and understand the other persons needs, because yes, for many men, sex is a NEED, not just getting their rocks off.
> 
> My STBW and I have sex 10-15 times per week, both of us initiating about the same amount, so that works for us because we are on the same page.


Well whatever you do, dont let her eat wedding cake!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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