# Advice plz



## arthurrhodes (Nov 3, 2011)

Me and my wife have been together for 7 years. I caught her a week ago cheating for the second time in 9 months and the 3rd time that ive caught her in our 7 year relationship. I know i have made grave mistakes and found this site too late. In reading i have found alot that relates to my situation and also things that i have done wrong trying to "make things right". The thing i dont understand is that her affairs are not emotional at all. Like i said ive made many mistakes and her messing around goes deeper undercover each time. This time there was never one phone call or txt. She used only facebook messaging and i only found out because i had "that feeling" and her facebook is linked to her phone. Her affairs are purely sexual. No face to face talk, only facebook messages setting everything up. She is very remorseless it seems to me but we go to counseling tomorrow. Ive read that could be a bad idea. I also made the mistake of contacting the OM. Now both his and his wifes facebook accts are deleted. I also made the mistake and am apparently a habitual rug sweeper. And thru reading have realized that she is likely an abuser and may never stop. I do know that the affair has stopped but since all this is sexual for her im sure it will be easy to just move on to the next man. Is there anything to do to improve my position at this point???


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## arthurrhodes (Nov 3, 2011)

i can also fill in any blanks if anyone needs more info to understand my situation


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She has sexually cheated on you twice again in the last 9 months with different men and put your health at risk for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting of such disrespect and humiliation from you? 

She cheats on you because she knows that there are no consequences to her actions. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. All she has to do is cry a little and ask for another chance and you cave it.

Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? Have the both of you been checked for STD's? If she knew that if had cheated once it would have a resulted in an automatic divorce, do you think she would have done this? The actions of your wife clearly indicates that not only does she not care if she puts you at risk for STD's but she clearly has no respect for you or your marriage. If you act like a doormat you will be treated like a doormat. If you do not respect yourself then who will? See a lawyer and move on with your life before she destroys you emotionally and physically. Why do you feel you deserve such humiliation and disrespect in your life?


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## arthurrhodes (Nov 3, 2011)

i really wish i knew why i cant let go. I cannot stop making excuses on why i cant just leave. But my question was since i have decided to try to work it out and have already started moving R forward in the wrong way is there a way i can backtrack without destroying everything. Im sorry if i dont make sense right now. So depressed etc,


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You can't let go because you are thinking with your heart, and not your head.


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## arthurrhodes (Nov 3, 2011)

I know. All i think about is the kids and the house and that im the money provider. Everything is in her name so i dont want the house etc.. We have one child age 4 and she has 2 daughters from previous marriage that i have raised their entire lives. I know i shouldnt let these things affect my decisions but there is no way she can provide for my children. I know its just the "fog" ive read so much about and one day all will be clear. If i dont go crazy first


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Wait and she what you learn in counseling tomorrow. I personally don't think you made a mistake in contacting the OM as long as his wife found out from the contact as well. 

Do the things bryanp suggested. Start posturing yourself for the worst case. 

Trying to save a marriage like this will mean that you have to live with the "Is she cheating on me again" thought for the term of your marriage. This decision requires thinking exclusively with you head.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

In my mind there's cheating and there's serial cheating. If this is the third time and she seems to care less then there's not much anyone can advise you to do except the obvious. It's time to get divorce papers in her hands. As for this other person I would still blow up and expose this affair to everyone. Most importantly you need to contact this other man's wife. Then expose to your family, her family, and both your friends. Blowing this thing up and getting divorce papers in her hands will get her thinking clearly pretty darn quick.


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## arthurrhodes (Nov 3, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> In my mind there's cheating and there's serial cheating. If this is the third time and she seems to care less then there's not much anyone can advise you to do except the obvious. It's time to get divorce papers in her hands. As for this other person I would still blow up and expose this affair to everyone. Most importantly you need to contact this other man's wife. Then expose to your family, her family, and both your friends. Blowing this thing up and getting divorce papers in her hands will get her thinking clearly pretty darn quick.


im not sure why but i still love her and if possible want to work it out with her. so in everyones opinion there is not much chance for success? and if i do this then there is no going back correct?


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

arthurrhodes said:


> im not sure why but i still love her and if possible want to work it out with her. so in everyones opinion there is not much chance for success? and if i do this then there is no going back correct?


I have to be 100% honest with you. In this case I don't see any hope at all. This is the third time she has done this and she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't have feelings for you and doesn't see the consequences of her behavior. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me a third time? I think there's a reason that saying stops at twice. You need to start worrying about yourself and your children and staying married to someone like this is not in your best interest or the best interest of the children.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Our opinions are just those, opinions. You are living it, not us. You decide what you are going to do. There are many different tactics to try. You decide what works best for your situation.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Start working on you. Let her go. You will have to go through withdrawal. That takes you moving on with your new life.

She is a serial cheater.


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## arthurrhodes (Nov 3, 2011)

Ugh! This is so hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

arthurrhodes said:


> Ugh! This is so hard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it's very hard and believe me we all feel for you. Take care of yourself and your kids. You deserve better.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> I have to be 100% honest with you. In this case I don't see any hope at all. This is the third time she has done this and she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't have feelings for you and doesn't see the consequences of her behavior. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me a third time? I think there's a reason that saying stops at twice. You need to start worrying about yourself and your children and staying married to someone like this is not in your best interest or the best interest of the children.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

She is a serial cheater, and she seems to be SA(Sexual Addict). I don't see how you can have a decent M with this woman. Stop being so forgiving. Draw a hard line and give her an ultimatum. Man up!!!


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

O.K.. Don't do anything and just wait until she gives you of the many STD's that are floating around. It will change your life and your children's life forever.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Divorce all the way, baby!

Unless you are ok with the cuckold lifestyle, you really need to drop her like a dead flea on a flea collar.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Divorce is the only option since she hasn't remorse. She sees nothing wrong in sleeping with other people. I bet she would see it differently if you cheated.

I'm typically against revenge affairs, but given her complete lack of empathy, maybe you should give her a taste of her own life choices. Mif it's ok got her, then it's ok for you.

Then watch what she des in response and do it back to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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