# In laws ruining marriage



## Tinker (Apr 20, 2013)

Hi, I'm new here and finding it very difficult to admit there's a problem in my marriage. 
I am 33 have been with my husband 13 years. 
I've been very stressed lately and it's actually making me ill. 
Everything was fine my hub and I lived in USA for a few years due to work then moved back to uk. When we got back my husband started working with my dad, I fell pregnant and things were ok, till I got to 6 months pregnant.. My mother in law started acting very strange, asking how I felt about grandmothers breast feeding she bought a cot and clothes for my baby but for her house, she was acting like I was a surrogate. Once my baby was born and had to have life saving surgery she became worse. Even after seeing my child stop breathing etc she didnt want to believe she had a problem. She would take my baby from me and run off to other rooms in the house closing all doors it was very odd.. I couldn't cope and went and saw a councillor who told me not to see her any more and to keep my child away from her. Advise I should have taken. But didnt.
My eldest just turned 7 and it's been a bumpy ride. My mil has never helped me, even when I was seriously ill and the doctors thought they would need to remove my large intestine. No visits, no help. I've tried to include her in lots of things hospital visits with my dd holidays days out etc all despite being told not too by health professionals. We have just returned from a two week holiday with her on which she told me I was stupid and spoke to me like I was the hired help, if I said it was white she,d say it was black so in the end I said I'm not going to speak. 

So, through all this my husband has let her get away with it, he won't stand up for me ever and won't have it if I complain. I can't cope with her and her controlling ways, her nasty ness etc .. It's ruining our relationship. I almost left when my eldest was a few months old now I'm trying to think rationally but all I can see is I'm in the wrong and she will get away with it. My brother in law (her other son) stays away from them, seeing them twice a year. He doesn't want kids because of what he's seen her do to me. She pushed him away years ago ... I don't know what to do I'm on my own


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry OP, my mother acted similar wanting my kid to address her as mom and me by my name. Can't believe you have been able to put up with her for years. We moved as far away as possible and then more. She still did it over the phone. I had to stand up to her, and even "punish" her in the sense that if she starts I will not contact her in weeks. Stand your ground, she has no business overpowering you once she sees that you will not fold to her demands she will back off. It's challenging but also worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Tinker, you have a husband problem not an in-law problem. Your in-laws is his problem and he's not handling it. A man who lets his mother cross marital boundaries is pathetic. It disgusts me.


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

I agree with Thundarr. Your biggest problem is your H. You need to get it through to him that this is a serious problem. Any job prospects out of the area? Moving away would be the healthiest choice for your own family.


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## Tinker (Apr 20, 2013)

Well, my husband works with my dad they run a business together, it's strange because we get on well with my parents, I'm very close with them and they help us out all the time. My dad taught my husband a trade, but he doesn't seem to want to work. He has no ambition hes a real loner plus he doesn't do things a man should do,... Where I'm very bubbly, I have many friends and do the job of a man and a woman, I clean the cars ow the lawn, paint the house etc


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## Tinker (Apr 20, 2013)

I'm depressed at the moment though, I'm worried I might need some anti depressants .. I've thought about moving back to USA but I can't


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Have you told your husband you expect him to put his wife before the mother, and if so what is the result of that discussion?


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