# How can I catch cheating husband?



## Help1951 (Jun 6, 2016)

We've been married 12 years, our second marriage. I won't go into details but I strongly suspect that my husband is lying to me and continuing to cheat even though we've been going through marriage counseling for nearly a year. Back then he admitted to meeting "one or two women for coffee" that he found on a dating site but insisted that "nothing happened." I believe there was many more that he met and thinks I can never find out. I need to find a way to catch him. I've discovered that he is very good at hiding things, deleting voicemail and texts on his phone, and computer. He claims he loves me and wants to stay married, but my gut instinct is that he is merely appeasing me while continuing to carry on behind my back. I don't know if he has a LTR that he meets once a month, such as a FWB or multiple women. I had an investigator follow him with a GPS but they found nothing... then my husband told me that he had discovered the GPS early on and was aware that he was being followed. He claims he has shared "everything" with me, but I think he has a secret pre-paid cell phone. Although he has shared his email with me on the computer he uses at home, I believe he has a second secret email that he uses at his office computer that I don't have access to. What else can I do?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

If you think you need proof, then start with this:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

Good luck! I would be surprised if what he has already admitted to isn't just the tip of a large iceberg. Sorry.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

He is a married man meeting women he met on a dating site, what more "proof" do you need? I know it sucks to be betrayed and lied to I've been there. The only worse thing you can do is lie to yourself about it. A man who has nothing to hide isn't meticulous about hiding things and deleting e-mails and texts and scouring his car for a hidden GPS...Instead of investing more time and energy into trying to catch him go see a lawyer about drawing up some divorce papers. If nothing else that will show him you aren't going to put up with his sh!t anymore.


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## Help1951 (Jun 6, 2016)

I did consult with a lawyer, and he said that I needed "proof" in order to sue him for infidelity. Apparently the lawyer didn't think simply meeting one or two women for coffee was enough for that, which is why I hired the private investigator, who came up with nothing. My husband and I had signed a pre-nup, which states that if there is evidence of infidelity, that the injured party gets a large settlement. If not, we simply keep our original assets and go our separate ways. I am not going to be played by him into walking away with nothing. Currently he is being sweet to me and treating me well, but I believe it's all an act in order to hkeep his money.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did the lawyer tell you what "proof" is sufficient enough to sue for infidelity? Anyway, you know he is cheating. Are you willing to stay in the marriage under these conditions so that you can sue for more money or do you want out so that you can find happiness elsewhere.

If you can have only ONE of these, would you rather have MONEY or HAPPINESS?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Does he work regular hours to where you would know something was up if he was late or does he already work long hours?

Is there a way for you to make surprise visits and have lunch with him?

Maybe find a hot girl to hit on him when he is out somewhere, and she has a recorder going to see what happens.

Have you checked dating sites to see if he has a profile, since this has all come to the for front?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Help1951 said:


> I've discovered that he is very good at hiding things, deleting voicemail and texts on his phone, and computer.


 @weightlifter can coach you though covert methods of detection. check out his "standard evidence" thread

@GusPolinski can walk you through retrieving the deleted texts from his phone. Gus you need to write up a nice sticky like weightlifter at some point LOL.

If you can get a fat check out of him for cheating then I'd do it to. Wish I had a prenup like that. I just filed for "irreconcilable differences" so I could expedite it and it made no difference in the outcome anyway.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Help1951 said:


> I did consult with a lawyer, and he said that I needed "proof" in order to sue him for infidelity. Apparently the lawyer didn't think simply meeting one or two women for coffee was enough for that, which is why I hired the private investigator, who came up with nothing. My husband and I had signed a pre-nup, which states that if there is evidence of infidelity, that the injured party gets a large settlement. If not, we simply keep our original assets and go our separate ways. I am not going to be played by him into walking away with nothing. Currently he is being sweet to me and treating me well, but I believe it's all an act in order to hkeep his money.


Hey, Im sorry you are here.

Here is my advice. if you NEED PROOF for legal reasons i would advise this. Give yourself a 6 month plan. Start squirreling money away and having a friend or something hold it for you. Bury it in a hole etc. (I don't know your financial situation.) A NEST EGG ALWAYS COMES IN HANDY. 

Spend the next 6 months allowing yourself to ACT like you believe your husband. That you agree...maybe you took things too far. Convince him that you are amenable to going BACK to the way things were before. PUT ON YOUR POKER FACE.

After four of six months he will start relaxing, and he WILL slip up. In the mean time install all those key loggers on his phone and home computer. (DONT LET HIM KNOW) install VARs around the house and on his car. Don't bother with GPS. get his damn voice recoded while on the alleged burner phone. You can get even sneaker VAR recorders. Just hunt for one that he wont know its a spy gadget! 

in 6 months you should have enough proof for your lawyer. You just got to do academy award winning acting. But if you really want out, and not just to be right, you will act your way out of this and be worthy of an oscar at the end.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

See my signature. Top link.


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## Help1951 (Jun 6, 2016)

Great advice. This actually occurred to me as I read: "Do not CONFRONT: Keep your eyes open, mouth shut, gather evidence". I will let everyone know what happens.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Help1951 said:


> Great advice. This actually occurred to me as I read: "Do not CONFRONT: Keep your eyes open, mouth shut, gather evidence". I will let everyone know what happens.



Also HIDE your own searches. Incognito etc.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How old are the two of you?

Any kids? (together)

What do the two of you do for work?

What kind of GPS device did you have in your husband's vehicle? And what kind of vehicle does he drive?

If you're going to catch him, you're probably going to have to do it w/ a VAR. If he found the GPS, though, he might find that.

And come on... a married man on a dating site? That's enough to pull the plug right there.

How did your first marriages end (his and yours)?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Take the ba$tard to the cleaners. Good for you for getting a prenup like that!

I have no advice on how to catch him though. I was blindsided by my husband - he had two secret email accounts, a secret cell phone, and profiles on a bunch of sex search type websites. I caught him when he left himself logged into chat on his laptop and I was able to see his emails.


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