# Little Daggers to the Heart



## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Why do I let myself keep getting hurt?

Since H is still living in the house(due to financial reasons) I still in some ways feel he is "here" in the marriage. One day I am strong and I know this is the right path to take, the next I am a complete basket case teetering on the edge of going thru the whole begging process again.
Seems like he keeps doing little things that stab me in the heart. Like yesterday, he uploaded all these pictures off of his phone and made sure to not upload any of him and I. I don't know why that hurt so much, it really was something trivial, but it made me feel like he just shuns off our marriage like it was nothing. He seems to be doing so great without us being together and he acts like it doesn't bother him at all. 
When I do back away he does question where I am going and does little things to make me jealous. I don't want that though. I want someone to love me and put me first.....after being married to someone who treated me like I was the dirt beneath his feet, why does it hurt so much? Why I am the only one that has to suffer?
I try to not let things bother me and make sure not to ask questions but when I see him adding all these girls he went to school with on his Facebook and uploading pics of only him, it really gets HARD! He knows I see all this stuff and he acts like it's just fine to do it. He told me he will do these things in front of my face because he doesn't care if I know or not.

Why can't I let go and move on?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

You know he probably is doing this just because he knows you are watching, stop watching, do your own thing like what he does doesn't matter to you, he will chase after you then instead of seeing you someone falling apart and being bothered by losing him.
If you act like you have moved on he will think twice about what his actions will be.....
give it a try what do you have to lose, go out, don't tell him what you are up to. 
Be happy he will wonder why........
work on yourself and be the best you you can be......
good luck
don't give him the power anymore.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Jessi-thanks for writing back! I want to think that and maybe that is true but after today I just am in such a fog. He went to the Dr this morning and I found it strange that the whole time he was there he was texting me talking about what the Dr was saying. Then he invites me to go out to eat and grocery shopping. Things go fine, he likes to joke and pick, which he does everyone. Then we get on the subject of our relationship and he said basically that he doesn't want to be with me and the only reason he would be open to working things out would be for our daughter. So I tell him, that is fine(holding back as hard as I could not to cry) and that I will not try anymore. We get home and I could tell the tears were coming so I went in my room so I could just be alone to gather my thoughts, he makes it a point to come in the room to see what I am doing. I asked him once again to just go stay with friends because I can't handle him being here and he tells me he isn't staying anywhere that he is staying here until he gets his own apartment. He tells me that he is going to stay at his friends tomorrow night since there work pays for his co worker a hotel room since he is from out of town since I will have to work tomorrow night anyway. 

When we talked about our relationship of course he said he did no wrong. He told me that if only I knew what people had said about him marrying me I would break down right there. I told him I didn't want to know and if he thought he had no issues he was crazy. He told me his issues came from me and my problems. I want to say I am done with trying and want to say I will stay strong....but how do you do it? How do you not call and talk to them? How do you act like it doesn't bother you? I do fine for a while and then it wears on me when he is so nice to me.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hey I'm sorry you feel so torn apart, I'm sort of in the position as you, my hubby had an affair, i found out in Nov, he told me he no longer loves me and wants to have a relationship with the OW.
He is still living in the house, I live each day now knowing that he doesn't want me and that he wants a life without me, it's so hard to come to terms with....I have good days and many days where I cry and obsess about the facts of my life now.....
I think it is best to be appear like you have accepted the fact that he isn't interested anymore. You have to get on with your own life and plan stuff without him and with friends or family. Focus on your daughter and be happy with her and your life...
Let him see the best you.....it's hard honey but a positive, secure, independent woman is who he wants to see and who you want and need to be.......
I look at the positive that he said he would try to work things out for your daughter...go with that.....
I would suggest you go out get the book the 5 love languages by gary chapman, figure out what he needs that you aren't giving him and start to slowly turn things around and see if you can't yourself turn this situation around....it will take some time but I think you can fix this.....don't expect to much to soon.......it will take him time to change his mind....
I don't think he is finished yet........good luck
Hold your chin up, smile and give him space to miss you.....


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