# Wives...Would you have sex with your husband



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?

Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....

Would you give your H an occasional BV or PIV sex say 5-6 times a month just to keep him happy?

If your husband had up till then been extremely conscientious about giving you orgasms by oral or PIV over a long period of time, and had NEVER denied you sex of any kind........

Husbands, would you want sex occasionally from a wife with the above described condition?

This is not a hypothetical situation, as my wife and I are in it as I type this thread.....

Need input
the woodchuck


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Two types of women: those that care about their husbands and marriage enough to meet their partner 's needs and those that don't. The second type should never get married to anyone who even remotely values their sex life and probably shouldn't be married at all. I live with one right now. 

Your responses will vary based on which type of woman you are dealing with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well if you look at tantric sex, the orgasm is not the objective. 
Personally when I have been on antidepressants it's does affect my sex drive. I still had sex with my husband on a regular basis. I probably did more bjs than normal but I felt that just because I was on a low drive that it shouldn't affect our relationship. Also, it helped that he was also very understanding and allowed me to cuddle longer and never pushed. I still wanted the connection and I still wanted to kiss and be intimate. I think that when you love your spouse you will find ways to meet eachothers needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

By the way we were at a 2-5 times a week with this situation.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I don't know which medical condition you are going through but, there's a supplement maca root that increase the lebido in both males and female as well as aid in energy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My hubby gets 'freebies' all the time... but i always know he'll pay me back later.

Knowing I could never O would be a bummer for me...but why should H suffer?

I'm definitely in the group of wives that's enjoys putting a smile on my man face...

Want to add... i would still want love/cuddles/affection ... no slacking there!


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

When they took my thyroid and tumor out I completely lost my sex drive for about 8 months. I still wanted to please the big guy but really didn't want intercource very much. I gave him a lot of bj, hj and anal sex. I made sure he was taken care of atleast 3 times a week...he gets "blue balls" easy if he goes more thsn 4 days. It was different though, my husband said it felt very one sided and he missed the intimacy of intercourse. I don't know why the aversion to intercource, but we did the best we could. Thsnk goodness for synthetic thyroid medicine...back to being HD! Now if I could only figure out a way to increase his drive to meet mine. 

Sorry to hear your going through this, hopefully it is temporary. Hang in there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Two types of women: those that care about their husbands and marriage enough to meet their partner 's needs and those that don't. The second type should never get married to anyone who even remotely values their sex life and probably shouldn't be married at all. I live with one right now.
> 
> Your responses will vary based on which type of woman you are dealing with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have always said my wife was a responsive and ardent lover....

I doubt if many women could have kept up with my HD for years like she did....She was fantastic.....


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


Sex feels good even without the orgasm. It is a very pleasurable feeling to me, similar to an awesome massage. As long as PIV isn't causing me actual physical pain or discomfort, I don't see any reason to stop. 

I'm always willing to pleasure my husband, whether he deserves it or not.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hm, if a man is suddenly stricken with a health condition that makes it impossible for him to orgasm... would the man still do things to sexually please his wife 5-6 times a month just to keep her happy?

:scratchhead:


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Hm, if a man is suddenly stricken with a health condition that makes it impossible for him to orgasm... would the man still do things to sexually please his wife 5-6 times a month just to keep her happy?
> 
> :scratchhead:


I would. Sex without an orgasm is still a great thing.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

mineforever said:


> When they took my thyroid and tumor out I completely lost my sex drive for about 8 months. I still wanted to please the big guy but really didn't want intercource very much. I gave him a lot of bj, hj and anal sex. I made sure he was taken care of atleast 3 times a week...he gets "blue balls" easy if he goes more thsn 4 days. It was different though, my husband said it felt very one sided and he missed the intimacy of intercourse. I don't know why the aversion to intercource, but we did the best we could. Thsnk goodness for synthetic thyroid medicine...back to being HD! Now if I could only figure out a way to increase his drive to meet mine.
> 
> Sorry to hear your going through this, hopefully it is temporary. Hang in there!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





mablenc said:


> Well if you look at tantric sex, the orgasm is not the objective.
> Personally when I have been on antidepressants it's does affect my sex drive. I still had sex with my husband on a regular basis. I probably did more bjs than normal but I felt that just because I was on a low drive that it shouldn't affect our relationship. Also, it helped that he was also very understanding and allowed me to cuddle longer and never pushed. I still wanted the connection and I still wanted to kiss and be intimate. I think that when you love your spouse you will find ways to meet eachothers needs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> By the way we were at a 2-5 times a week with this situation.


You two should be role models for all good wives in the world! 

:iagree::smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheStranger said:


> I would. Sex without an orgasm is still a great thing.


A lot of men won't. We have a lot of posts here by women whose husbands have ED and then refuse to ever be sexual after that starts.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

ED is not the same thing as being anorgasmic. While I wouldn't approve complete refusal of any kind of sex I understand how humiliating ED is for a guy. It's an ego thing.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Hm, if a man is suddenly stricken with a health condition that makes it impossible for him to orgasm... would the man still do things to sexually please his wife 5-6 times a month just to keep her happy?
> 
> :scratchhead:


I would!


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Even after porn killed the sex life, if my stbxh wanted sex, I never refused him, even though I knew he would barely be able to penetrate me and start to finish took 45 seconds. A loving wife is patient. In reverse, my husband refused me often and there was nothing wrong with me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Well, there were times in the beginning of our marriage when I didn't orgasm. Each time, I was honest with him, telling him it just wasn't happening for me. So, yes, I'd willingly have sex with him under the above mentioned conditions.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Well I'm going to be honest. If I knew I was never going to have an orgasm I would not be as enthusiastic again. I would still have sex but I'm positive I would not love it as much.Especially if there was still arousal but never getting across the finish line. That would be incredibly frustrating. For me sex starts in my brain, anticipating my husband touching me, the buildup and the finish. Knowing there will be no buildup or worse a build up and being left frustrated I'm pretty positive I would struggle with this situation. If I knew there would be no orgasm I would probably at least subconsciously, try not to get aroused. When I am not aroused I find any touching of my genitals irritating. The enthusiasm would for sure suffer and I think that is what my husband enjoys most. I do my best oral for him when he gets me all fired up. I really hope this never happens to us, sorry you're going through it.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> Well I'm going to be honest. If I knew I was never going to have an orgasm I would not be as enthusiastic again. I would still have sex but I'm positive I would not love it as much.Especially if there was still arousal but never getting across the finish line. That would be incredibly frustrating. For me sex starts in my brain, anticipating my husband touching me, the buildup and the finish. Knowing there will be no buildup or worse a build up and being left frustrated I'm pretty positive I would struggle with this situation. If I knew there would be no orgasm I would probably at least subconsciously, try not to get aroused. When I am not aroused I find any touching of my genitals irritating. The enthusiasm would for sure suffer and I think that is what my husband enjoys most. I do my best oral for him when he gets me all fired up. I really hope this never happens to us, sorry you're going through it.


Thank you for your opinion...I realise not being able to orgasm is a real bummer. I told her If the shoe was on the other foot I would do anything in my power to satisfy her sexually. 

Her condition is due primarily to medication. At her last DR visit I told the DR about the problem and he is weaning her off the old drug and trying a new one....

We have sex every 10 days or so, but in a day or two she always picks a fight as if to punish me....Really starting to hurt...

the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, there were times in the beginning of our marriage when I didn't orgasm. Each time, I was honest with him, telling him it just wasn't happening for me. So, yes, I'd willingly have sex with him under the above mentioned conditions.


The most painful part is that she had glorious orgasms from the very first time we made love....Every time...sometimes several times a day....for many years....We had a truly epic love life, and now...NOTHING...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


Orgasms are awesome but they aren't the main reason for sex when you're in a loving relationship.
I'd want him regardless.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Of course. Especially if I'm still able to get aroused....hell, getting aroused is half the fun!


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## salamander (Apr 2, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


I believe that sex in my marriage is for connection and while orgasms are great, they are not the end-all be-all. I was on prozac or several years and it made me anorgasmic. But i still loved making love. Also in post partum after giving birth to our son, i gave oral to hubby every single day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DesertRat (May 1, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Hm, if a man is suddenly stricken with a health condition that makes it impossible for him to orgasm... would the man still do things to sexually please his wife 5-6 times a month just to keep her happy?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Probably depends on the guy. I'm sure some would and some wouldn't. I think I would - assuming my wife was interested. If i offer such things to her now (no pleasure for me, completely altruistic) she refuses.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

TheStranger said:


> ED is not the same thing as being anorgasmic. While I wouldn't approve complete refusal of any kind of sex I understand how humiliating ED is for a guy. It's an ego thing.


I agree with the ED, it's about the ability to perform. Which I would understand the ego problem. In this case she can still perform and enjoy it but has trouble reaching orgasms which can take about two hours and by then you get tiered and numb and it's not as rewarding.


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

I can't have orgasms (never have been able to) and yes I have sex with my husband on a regular basis. 

two things: one, he has a low sex drive, which makes it work for both of us. honestly i could not be with a guy who had a high drive, that would be too much. 

also he never makes me feel like there's something wrong with me for not being able to orgasm. other guys in the past did- they would get so obsessed with trying to 'make' me cum, making it into this huge deal. my partner _never_ makes me feel like i'm 'broken' or insulting his manhood for not having orgasms. as a guy with a low sex drive in a society that says 'real men want it all the time', he gets that being different sexually doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. 

one other thing- he is very attentive and giving with his touch, so it doesn't feel one-sided. just because i don't cum doesn't mean i get NO pleasure- there are a lot of sensual physical touches that have nothing to do with actual sex and feel really, really amazingly good, and he does those things for me all the time. so when we're together i feel like i also 'get mine' and i am satisfied and being with him feels amazing. 

if your partner doesn't cum, my advice would be try to increase the sensual touching. make love to her sensory system, not just her p*ssy.  if you're having sex and the focus is on the O, she is probably bored.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Even after porn killed the sex life, if my stbxh wanted sex, I never refused him, even though I knew he would barely be able to penetrate me and start to finish took 45 seconds. A loving wife is patient. In reverse, my husband refused me often and there was nothing wrong with me.


So sorry to hear about your husband's attitude  Are you religious? If yes I will be praying for your happiness..


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, there were times in the beginning of our marriage when I didn't orgasm. Each time, I was honest with him, telling him it just wasn't happening for me. So, yes, I'd willingly have sex with him under the above mentioned conditions.


Honesty is the best policy! :smthumbup:


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

Anyway, I realized that I haven't answered the OP questions.



Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....


My wife has never reached an orgasm with me and there is no medical condition. Funny thing is, that never bothered her while I suffer quite a bit. We are having sex about 3 times per week. 



> Husbands, would you want sex occasionally from a wife with the above described condition?


Well yes. But I'm not familiar with having sex and her orgasming. Never seen such a thing and I've had sex with 3 girls before my wife.


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## debbysteelefen (May 12, 2013)

I have a medical condition that causes me pain during PIV and when receiving oral, because I am affraid of the pain I don't have vaginal sex, so that leaves me with just about no orgasms.

This is not something new to me, this is something I have been dealing my whole life.

I am 42, been married for 20 years, before we got married my husband was fully aware of this but I think he believed it was a temporary problem or a problem that could medically be taken care of.

In 20 years, I have had PIV with him maybe 5, posibly 6 times, I dont know for sure but it was not a good experience.

But I do what I have to do to make sure he is satisfied, even when its not through conventional means


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

debbysteelefen said:


> I have a medical condition that causes me pain during PIV and when receiving oral, because I am affraid of the pain I don't have vaginal sex, so that leaves me with just about no orgasms.
> 
> This is not something new to me, this is something I have been dealing my whole life.
> 
> ...


Why then are you dating other men? There is something fishy in your story. You can't have sex or orgasms, yet you say you are high drive, and are dating other men besides your husband.


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## debbysteelefen (May 12, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Why then are you dating other men? There is something fishy in your story. You can't have sex or orgasms, yet you say you are high drive, and are dating other men besides your husband.


Since when is sex only about orgasm? 

Women being unable to have orgasm is a lot more common than people want to discuss, but its about 33% of women who have problems reaching orgasm, and that has nothing to with their libido.

25% of women will have a problem with chronic pain during sex in their lifetime, often its a problem that is temporary or can be taken care of medically, but something that many of us have to live with, this also has nothing to do with their libido.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> The most painful part is that she had glorious orgasms from the very first time we made love....Every time...sometimes several times a day....for many years....We had a truly epic love life, and now...NOTHING...


How long has this been going on? If it were me, I'd probably fall into a fairly deep depression for a while, as I grieved what I had lost. Then, hopefully, I would start crawling out of it in order to make the most of what pleasure was still available to me.

It's a devastating loss for her. Anger and lashing out are a common stage of grieving.


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...



My first line of thought would be no. It would be terribly frustrating. Why should I suffer through that just so he can get off? 

So maybe on occasion, but certainly not regularly. How very unfair.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


Yes, I would. Sex is not 'just' an orgasm. It's about the closeness, intimacy and emotional connection. I'd be sad to lose all of that for the sake of a missing orgasm.

That said, if the roles were reversed, I hope he'd feel the same way for me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


Since I learned about your wife's condition I have tried to imagine how I would deal with something so frustrating. With my history, it would be an incredible blow that would likely turn me into a very angry and bitter woman! I would have to fight that with everything Ive got!

Yes, I would continue to be available for sex. But to be honest, I would hold back my arousal to lessen residual frustrations. I would not want certain body parts touched as the pleasure would lead to building arousal with no where to go. 

I would expect frequent and long pleasurable back, knee and foot rubs, staying away from erogenous zones. I would expect extra affection so I would not end up feeling like ...the available orifice.

I should think your wife knows well enough by now that penetrative sex can be nice, even without orgasm. But sex without orgasm would always be an anger trigger that would need to be out in the open. Not to make a man feel badly about his needs, but just recognizing and articulating "I appreciate you meeting my needs and miss being able to meet yours."


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


Um...I've been doing this for 19 years, so...yes. It's not due to a medical condition though. It's due to sexual incompatibility and many other factors. However, if I had a previously gratifying sexual relationship but could no longer orgasm and I felt a strong emotional bond to my H, then yes I would still have sex with him. It would please me to do that for him. (That is all hypothetical for me as I have never felt emotionally bonded to him and have never orgasmed with him.) Maybe it's overly simplistic, but isn't it similar to giving your spouse a really good back massage? I wouldn't feel near the amount of pleasure giving him one as he would recieving it, but it would please me to do that for him.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Waking up to life said:


> Um...I've been doing this for 19 years, so...yes. It's not due to a medical condition though. It's due to sexual incompatibility and many other factors. However, if I had a previously gratifying sexual relationship but could no longer orgasm and I felt a strong emotional bond to my H, then yes I would still have sex with him. It would please me to do that for him. (*That is all hypothetical for me as I have never felt emotionally bonded to him and have never orgasmed with him.) *Maybe it's overly simplistic, but isn't it similar to giving your spouse a really good back massage? I wouldn't feel near the amount of pleasure giving him one as he would recieving it, but it would please me to do that for him.


Uhmmm .... wow. Really? Waking ... I think you are due for some awakenings.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Uhmmm .... wow. Really? Waking ... I think you are due for some awakenings.


Haha! Tell me about it! The worst part is...I feel like a total moron for taking 19 years to figure out this wasn't going to get magically better all the sudden. When we were married at first, I thought it was just due to our inexperience, age, etc. I kept thinking things would get better, that we'd eventually grow a close bond between us and figure out how to get it right in the sack. 

But...within the first year we were married, he became a very angry, irritable, moody person and he directed all of his negativity at me. I began to resent him for his sh*tty treatment of me while to others he was so kind and gentle and generous. As me resentment grew, so did he...literally. That also put a big damper on sexual satisfaction too, as I've discussed at length on TAM. I tried using a vibrator during sex...he acted so hurt and worthless that I'd have to resort to that because he 'wasn't good enough' (his words, not mine). And let me tell you laying on a guilt trip like that during sex was NOT helping me. So I gave up trying. He never really did try. Going back to the "Cumulative Count" thread...well, there's a pretty abysmal yet accurate description of our sexual encounters. 

Now don't misunderstand...I am perfectly capable of achieving orgasm. Thank goodness for my little bag of toys. It would be divine to actually have an orgasm during sex for once in my life before I die though.


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## dsGrazzl3D (Apr 22, 2013)

debbysteelefen said:


> Since when is sex only about orgasm?
> Women being unable to have orgasm is a lot more common than people want to discuss.


**BUT** Question never answered... So yeah. 

BACK TO OP ISSUE...

Sounds like a medical issue (IMHO). 
Have the two of you discussed this issue with doctors _(asking for help in sex-life)_?!? 

I think many misunderstanding can take place when medical issues cause sex and bonding to decrease. Sex in a marriage is not only physical, but can be about bonding and providing pleasure. It is primal to be naked as the day you were born with your spouse reassuring that they love you naked and all. I think that open and honest discussions are hard to hear about this subject for many reasons. If not done though, I fear could lead to more martial problems.

I'd say to get more doctors to help. You need a doctor to take this issue seriously! Good Luck.


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## seeking_guidance (May 22, 2013)

jd08 said:


> Two types of women: those that care about their husbands and marriage enough to meet their partner 's needs and those that don't. The second type should never get married to anyone who even remotely values their sex life and probably shouldn't be married at all. I live with one right now.
> 
> Your responses will vary based on which type of woman you are dealing with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish you would go post on the thread I started earlier today


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I would really be depressed if I could never O again but I would still love sex. 
It might take me a while to get over my grief over never having that release again. 
But I would still want the pleasure and intimacy.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Would I still have sex? Hell yes! It is called making love for a reason, the closeness, intimacy, connection and the love, all good reasons to continue.

Would I miss having an O after I have experienced them? Well sure, but that is no reason for me to not continue to have sex with my husband. It is still good without the O.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> If you were suddenly stricken with a medical condition the treatment for which made you unable to orgasm?
> 
> Lets say you could be aroused, lubricate, and feel some pleasure, but not get off.....
> 
> ...


WOW... actually I was once on a medication that did exactly that, I could get almost there, but couldn't get off, it was incredibly frustrating, I stopped taking the medication... my husband still wanted sex, and he didn't want what he calls "duty" sex. He wanted me to enjoy it too. I wanted to enjoy it. But I can tell you the frustration during that period made me not even want to try... and I think during certain times I was definitely not as engaged and enthusiastic. Part of sex, is the arousal and part of it is wanting to please your partner, we have a good mix of both I think, but that period was definitely a struggle and I did many times just have sex with him to let him get off. I think 5-6 times a month would've been excessive. For me, if this were a long term situation I think I would tell my husband to find it elsewhere where he could actually enjoy it, because the frustration I would feel, would clearly ruin it. ANd then I can see eventually feeling like a fish.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Yes. I would


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

always_alone said:


> How long has this been going on? If it were me, I'd probably fall into a fairly deep depression for a while, as I grieved what I had lost. Then, hopefully, I would start crawling out of it in order to make the most of what pleasure was still available to me.
> 
> It's a devastating loss for her. Anger and lashing out are a common stage of grieving.


See my thread "Unspeakable grief".....


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Since I learned about your wife's condition I have tried to imagine how I would deal with something so frustrating. With my history, it would be an incredible blow that would likely turn me into a very angry and bitter woman! I would have to fight that with everything Ive got!
> 
> Yes, I would continue to be available for sex. But to be honest, I would hold back my arousal to lessen residual frustrations. I would not want certain body parts touched as the pleasure would lead to building arousal with no where to go.
> 
> ...


It is a standard joke in our marriage about her "Custom hand rubbed finish" I have given her long loving massages throughout our marriage....


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