# Why does he stay?



## B-you (Mar 27, 2016)

I have known my husband for a very long time. We used to be best friends. He was so kind and fun to be around, now I find myself picking and choosing the times to engage.

We have several things in common: we work in the same field; we love sports; favorite date (movie/dinner) we love to travel and have great sex. On paper, we seem highly compatible, but something has changed in him and with him. Needless to say, he hasn't shared what it is.

It seems as he has gotten older, his consideration for me and my wants, on a consistent basis, has declined. If I am seeing, saying and doing what he wants simultaneously wearing nothing but a SMILE AND THONG then I have his attention; otherwise, he doesn't want to be bothered.

The irony is (this is why I stay) on those rare occasions that make me remember why I fell in love with him, he will surprise me with a romantic night out, giving me everything I want and need, all night, without me having to say a word. Two days later, he's maligning me about not preparing a home cooked meal, leaving the juice out or kicking off my stilettos by the front door. If I counter with, the uncapped toothpaste, the tracked in dirt or the overdue DIY cabinet project, then he will remark that I always have to have the last word or that I talk too much to the point of being irritating or emasculating. We both work hard, but it seems like he expects me to go above and beyond while he puts forth minimal effort.

When we have had one of these episodes, he will casually ignore me for a few days; if I don't take the bait, then everything becomes my fault and I have control issues. He talks about how there is so much pressure to be the perfect husband, but I think he is simply projecting his feelings onto me. 

I have asked him occasionally if he wants a divorce. Emphatically, he saids, no. He never seems to be 100% happy unless we are watching what he wants to watch or doing what he wants to do. 

So if then, why? Why does he stay if he feels like this? 

He is a very passive person outside of our home; inside he wants to be king; however, I cannot respect or buy into someone or something that is so inconsistent or inauthentic. Who are you? It's like living with a jack in the box. Inside/outside? Pick one already!

Maybe he needs someone who is more easily influenced. Maybe he wants EASY. For him, maybe EASY is his new HAPPY!


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Hi is your husband military or LEO? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he's trying to manipulate you with bull$hit when it don't work he gets over it until the next time.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Is it possible he thinks what you think, just the other way around?

Because I could easily see him saying "I made her a candlelit dinner and two nights later I come home to find her shoes everywhere and her ignoring me."

And so on.

These things are cycles. That we sometimes play a far larger part in than we may think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Sounds like (1) he could be interested in someone else (2) did you do anything to lose his trust perhaps?


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Sounds like you guys have plenty in common, you are simply both dealing with day-to-day unmet needs.

So you've brought up the D word in the past... How exactly did that go down? And did he take it seriously

He may just be one of those guys that needs a real kick in the a$$ before he makes some changes.


----------

