# Marriage Advice Needed!



## Kcham915 (Jan 6, 2022)

I have been married for 5 years going in 6. We are in our twenties. It’s seems in the last 3 years my marriage has gone down hill. My husband and I rarely have sex due to my medical condition which causes severe pain. My husband doesn’t believe me and tell me to suck it up (he is old school military) since he has needs. He has become disconnected in our marriage. He points out my flaws more than my strength. For example, he tells me I am getting too fat for him (5’4” and 160) and how he is not attracted to me. I have tried to get him to go to marriage counseling but he refuses. We have a lot together such as a house and other assets. I am not sure if I should continue the marriage. Any advice I’d appreciate it!!


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

There is a book, "The Sex-Starved Marriage" by M. W. Davis, that talks about the disconnection your husband is experiencing. I would ask (1) whether you've consulted with doctors about your medical condition and looked for ways to address it that might reduce the pain you experience? and (2) what factors might be driving your weight gain, and is there anything you could do to reverse it -- for your own health and well-being? Maybe there is nothing you can do about either condition, the point is to at least give his concerns serious attention and do your best to try to address them. Maybe you have already tried?

But it sucks when your partner refuses to participate in marriage counseling. If he is unwilling to attempt to address _your_ concerns, then it does raise questions about whether the marriage is worth continuing.... You are still young and it sounds like you don't have kids yet.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

What would the point of the counseling be if the root causes aren’t being addressed? To convince him you’re not able to have sex as much as he wants and he should treat you more nicely? That may be true but it’s not going to fix your problem.

He should believe you when you say you have pain. I am a suck it up type and am in pain often so I understand his thinking but he’s just wrong. Working on it with a doctor may help him to realize that.

As for the weight gain, I have never had that issue. My wife has always been sexy to me at every weight range she has been in.


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## Kcham915 (Jan 6, 2022)

TurnedTurtle said:


> There is a book, "The Sex-Starved Marriage" by M. W. Davis, that talks about the disconnection your husband is experiencing. I would ask (1) whether you've consulted with doctors about your medical condition and looked for ways to address it that might reduce the pain you experience? and (2) what factors might be driving your weight gain, and is there anything you could do to reverse it -- for your own health and well-being? Maybe there is nothing you can do about either condition, the point is to at least give his concerns serious attention and do your best to try to address them. Maybe you have already tried?
> 
> But it sucks when your partner refuses to participate in marriage counseling. If he is unwilling to attempt to address _your_ concerns, then it does raise questions about whether the marriage is worth continuing.... You are still young and it sounds like you don't have kids yet.


Thank you so much! I have met with multiple doctors and specialist for the pain and another surgery would be the only way to figure it out but there’s a high chance of there being more damage done. I have read the book you recommend as well.


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## Kcham915 (Jan 6, 2022)

ccpowerslave said:


> What would the point of the counseling be if the root causes aren’t being addressed? To convince him you’re not able to have sex as much as he wants and he should treat you more nicely? That may be true but it’s not going to fix your problem.
> 
> He should believe you when you say you have pain. I am a suck it up type and am in pain often so I understand his thinking but he’s just wrong. Working on it with a doctor may help him to realize that.
> 
> As for the weight gain, I have never had that issue. My wife has always been sexy to me at every weight range she has been in.


He has been to multiple appointments with me and I even have my doctors write him a note when he can’t come so he will believe me. I do offer him other sexual favors but to him “they aren’t the same” and he threatens to leave me to find someone else who can please him. He’s a fitnesses nut more recently and I do workout in my own ways but I refuse to starve myself which is what he wants me to do.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Kcham915 said:



He’s a fitnesses nut more recently and I do workout in my own ways but I refuse to starve myself which is what he wants me to do.

Click to expand...

*So, your choices are to stay with someone who tells you you're too fat and he's no longer attracted to you; who doesn't give a rat's ass that you have a medical issue that causes you painful intercourse; and someone who continually tells you that he wants to leave you so he can find someone else to please him.

Or, you can find your self-respect.

You've tried your hardest and it isn't enough for Mr. Wonderful.

Now it's time to find your self-respect and *stop* compromising your own values over and over and over just to hold onto this 'prize.' Next time, open the front door for the flaming ass-hole when he starts in about how he wants to leave you because he's under the mistaken impression that every woman in the country is just BEGGING to be the one to 'please' him. 🤣 🤣


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Kcham915 said:


> He has been to multiple appointments with me and I even have my doctors write him a note when he can’t come so he will believe me. I do offer him other sexual favors but to him “they aren’t the same” and he threatens to leave me to find someone else who can please him. He’s a fitnesses nut more recently and I do workout in my own ways but I refuse to starve myself which is what he wants me to do.


Hmm, well sorry but he doesn’t sound that great then. I guess the real thing is whether your condition is treatable at all or if it’s chronic.

At your age if my wife was shutting down PIV for good I think it would be challenging.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Waaay to young to have disconnected sex lives. And while he is the fitness nut military type. He has eyes and should have seen where this marriage was heading a long time ago. I think you are seriously mis matched.
As we all have health issues for sure. Make sure you are dealing with yours as well. Respectfully. Sex is more enjoyable when you are in a healthy weight range and lifestyle.


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