# No more mister nice guy book



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Is this available in stores or just online?


----------



## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

I ordered it through my local Chapters store.


----------



## Aitrus (Mar 25, 2013)

Found mine at Barnes 'n Noble.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm not worried about that. I was just thinking of getting it for my ss14, just wanted him to start reading ASAP.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I bought a copy at Books a Million.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Anyone know if it's one of the books you can lend to others on kindle?


----------



## Air Texas (May 30, 2013)

Definitely available in book stores. They can order for you also if not currently in stock.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Forer effect - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

...Self-serving bias - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, etc.

From 'vagiphobia' to armchair psychobable and speculation about childhood memories, guilt, etc... I find it to be nothing more than fluff and generalizatons drawn from endless caricaturistic "Examples" ("Todd", "Bill"..."Jose", etc etc..) ... typical self-help BS. _the nicer the guy, the darker the sexula secrets..._ and _Nice Guys have a difficult time comprehending that we live in an abundant, ever-expanding universe."_. _Most Nice Guys believe that by repressing the darker side of their masculine energy they will win the approval of women._ 

Yeah, OK. Entertaining storyteling... maybe.

And lets not forget stating the obvious over and over again for earth shattering insight like 'sex is a basic human drive', and that masturbation is 'healthy', 

There are also plenty of people on this board that swear by it - so my opinion is perhaps utterly pointless. Just throwing in my 2 cents.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm trying to see if it would be worth giving to my step son who is turning into a yes man. 
I got it on kindle and I just don't know if he will get it or if it will be over his head. He's 14 and sometimes he says things that make me think "wow, I can't believe he thinks like that, he's so mature and smart" and then most of the time he seems to have the maturity of our two 9 year olds. 

He is stuck between his dad and his mom, his mom seems to be trying to groom him into being a man like her white trash boyfriend. He literally makes himself sick over making basic decisions about things because he doesn't want to let anyone down. 

I just hate to see it. I'm not sure if it would be better for him to just learn about assertiveness.


----------



## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

It would be more effective for his dad to actually talk to him about the need to be assertive. Books are fine but they won't have the impact of actually hearing the concepts from a male role model.

When I do this, I pick my spots. Can't just bring it up out of the blue. But I do a walk with my son every night, and look for openings to preach the NMMNG gospel when lessons apply to what he's doing on a day-by-day basis (i.e. asking girls out, dealing with his mom etc.)


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think I'll get it for him and maybe if it doesn't mean much now eventually it will. 
I think he needs to hear from an independent source and his dad.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I gave my son a copy when he was about 19. He enjoyed it and did get some good out of it. It is above young men's heads, though, because it is about a lot more life experience than they have.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I was thinking my husband might get use out of it but I just don't see him in there at all. Thank god.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

OP,

Its a good book but can be a chore to read at times. The basic premise is nice guys AKA me and many others are lying to ourselves and do things to keep the peace instead of doing things we want or are right. The Nice guy is fundamentally unhappy inside because he does things for others as a form of seeking approval. This is why Nice Guys are targeted by NPD, BPD because we are easier to control than a toddler with a candy.


----------



## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

Sanity said:


> OP,
> 
> Its a good book but can be a chore to read at times. The basic premise is nice guys AKA me and many others are lying to ourselves and do things to keep the peace instead of doing things we want or are right. The Nice guy is fundamentally unhappy inside because he does things for others as a form of seeking approval. This is why Nice Guys are targeted by NPD, BPD because we are easier to control than a toddler with a candy.


Wow, You mentioned some very good insight!


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I have a copy in my iPhone that I read on particularly boring conference calls at work . I am a card carrying Mr. Nice Guy not because I have dark motives, etc etc but because my mind is able to run the numbers and determine whether a particular action costs more than it is worth, and so on. A calculating, analyzing, and sometimes Machiavellian Nice Guy... 

I find the book to be useful in some cases but not in others. In the context of TAM, the book is nearly a Bible among husbands whose wives are not very interested in sex, and the theory there is that women like super assertive strong male types, blah, blah.Well, maybe for some, but it's not an easy problem to solve. 

I don't know if the author is capable of understanding that some of us Nice Guys are supremely confident in ourselves and do not need validation or approval. My validation and approval forms are hanging on my trophy wall, my bank account statements, my list of publications, and my high achieving and awesome kids, in no particular order. I don't need to spend half a day fixing something for a friend to feel better. 

And, given that I'm dealing with a partner with BPD, I take that as a challenge, and not as a way to use up more bonus Nice Guy points. 

The author sees connections where they don't always exist, and generalizes a bit too much.For the most part it's useful advise, just take it in stride, and read it only if you understand why you're doing what you're doing.


----------



## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I got this book for my H but see more of myself in it. I have tolerated so much passive aggressive crap in my marriage and still do. I feel overwhelmingly guilty when I do anything nice for myself and sometimes feel like my H walks all over my needs. He is trying but I regret that the book will just make things worse because it's a good way to put the blame on me again. He was the one getting his needs met while I was being thrown under the bus (sexless marriage, video game addiction, emotionally unavailable). At the same time passive aggressive behaviour comes from not being assertive and having low self esteem.....i dunno I am so confused!


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Passive Aggressive within the context of marriage is a pretty good defense mechanism well within accepted boundaries and certainly much better than other more regrettable means of handling issues when the other partner is not able or willing to discuss and compromise. 

It has nothing to do with confidence or self esteem.


----------

