# men vs women



## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

My fiance is devoted to me but has said.. men are basically pigs. When they meet a pretty girl they think about having sex with her. Is this common for most men?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Not for all men. But many do.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Its safe to assume that most men see an attractive girl and imagine themselves having sex with her. In fact, she may become part of the "highlight reel" that plays in his mind when he's having sex with you or jacking off.

That's how men are, it doesn't make us pigs.


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

Percentage?

I'd prefer the men who didn't but maybe they are too rare.


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

He felt it was piggish, not me words.

Knowing this I could then see myself worrying if he became friends with the opposite sex.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

talk123 said:


> He felt it was piggish, not me words.
> 
> Knowing this I could then see myself worrying if he became friends with the opposite sex.


:iagree:

Yes it's more common with people who state that to think it.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

northland said:


> Its safe to assume that most men see an attractive girl and imagine themselves having sex with her. In fact, *she may become part of the "highlight reel" that plays in his mind when he's having sex with you *or jacking off.
> 
> That's how men are, it doesn't make us pigs.


Bolded part - that's depressing. It really is.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

talk123 said:


> My fiance is devoted to me but has said.. men are basically pigs. When they meet a pretty girl they think about having sex with her. Is this common for most men?


For the most part yes


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

talk123 said:


> Percentage?
> 
> I'd prefer the men who didn't but maybe they are too rare.


So you prefer men who are asexual? 

A man has 3,600 seconds per hour of active thought. Having a thought about sex is natural. That doesn't mean every second of all day every day they only think of sex. 

You should take it as beneficial they are sexually attracted to you. Or are you jealous of the idea they might fantasize about sex with other women? That is around 90% who admit to thinking of another woman while having sex with their wife. The other 10% lie about it.


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## Flygirl (Apr 9, 2013)

I don't think it makes them pigs. It doesn't bother me to think my husband may be fantasizing about another women, unless it's the same woman and all the time. When I see an attractive girl I point her out to my husband. I'll be like...she's got nice boobs or the perfect butt etc. No, I'm not into girls.

He becomes a pig when he does things like looks at you up and down like a piece of meat while making grunting noises etc. 
And when he makes it obvious that he's checking you out while he's standing next to his wife/girlfriend. But by far the most offensive is when I'm out somewhere with my teenaged son and they act like that. It's disrespectful and makes my son so mad. My son will no longer go into WalMart or a gas station with me because of it.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

talk123 said:


> My fiance is devoted to me but has said.. men are basically pigs. When they meet a pretty girl they think about having sex with her. Is this common for most men?



I'm 45. Since I was about 12 years old, I thought about sex with any and every attractive girl I saw, and since I was about 14, I thought about sex with every average to attractive woman I saw.

I don't think I'm that unusual, because pretty much every male friend I've ever had has felt similarly. Heck, I remember being on a vehicle crew in Iraq, and to pass the time, every time we would drive by a woman on the street we would debate whether or not we would "do" her. That's the reality of a healthy male libido.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

talk123 said:


> My fiance is devoted to me but has said.. men are basically pigs. When they meet a pretty girl they think about having sex with her. Is this common for most men?


Only the ones worth having.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

talk123 said:


> I'd prefer the men who didn't but maybe they are too rare.


They aren't that rare. There are plenty of men who don't think of pretty girls that they meet. They are known either as "asexuals" or "homosexuals".


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: men vs women*



committed4ever said:


> Bolded part - that's depressing. It really is.


Agree, that is depressing indeed...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> Bolded part - that's depressing. It really is.


Ok, I for one have never had a highlight reel of other women when having sex with my wife in 20 years of marriage.

My marriage is essentially sexless. Hasn't always been that way although it has always been unsatisfying. There are many reasons and I won't get into that. Years of rejection, blah blah blah. I do "get by" by masturbating, nearly every day. Yes, I do have a highlight reel of other women when masturbating. Despite that, I am most aroused when that highlight reel is of memories of having sex with my wife. On the rare occasion that I have sex with my wife, I am not thinking of other women. Even prior to my wife I never thought of anyone other than the woman I was with. Personally I think there is a problem if you have to resort to thoughts of someone other than the one you are having sex with.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

catfan said:


> Agree, that is depressing indeed...


Sigh ... no, no, no, it’s the reality of biology. There are also plenty of women who look at a good-looking man and think about having sex with them.

Thoughts do not make a person a "pig" … actions do. Are we going to have thought police now? Geez.


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

I think about other men doing me when I'm having sex with my husband. I notice hot men. And I think it is actually a pity if people are always occupied with the thought of having sex with every attractive stranger they see. But that's their issue, not mine. I have other things to think about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Red Sonja said:


> Sigh ... no, no, no, it’s the reality of biology. There are also plenty of women who look at a good-looking man and think about having sex with them.
> 
> Thoughts do not make a person a "pig" … actions do. Are we going to have thought police now? Geez.


It is a reality of biology that we are always "aware" of people we are attracted to and have sexual thoughts about them. A marriage certificate doesn't change that. However, substituting them with the person you are having sex with is a little weird. If I knew my wife thought about being banged by another man while I'm having sex with her ... well, that is enough for an instantaneous case of ED, lol.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Most men will idly fantasize about having sex with attractive women they see. We are visual. We don't need to know what her personality is like, or how good she is with children. We can assess much of what makes a woman sexy in an instant by glancing at her. This should not make you sad. It is just the way of the world. If you are getting married, you should know this.

By the way, men idly fantasizing about having sex with the girl in line at the bank doesn't mean that we are actively trying to make that fantasy come true. You may have an idle fantasy about having sex with Ryan Gosling. That doesn't mean you're concocting a plan to find him and seduce him. It's just pretend.



talk123 said:


> Knowing this I could then see myself worrying if he became friends with the opposite sex.


You should absolutely worry about your husband becoming friends with a woman. But not because he can easily picture having sex with her. I would advise your fiance to be equally worried about you having a male friend. It's because men and women being friends frequently leads to those same people having a sexual relationship. Whether or not they are married. That is also the way of the world. You should know that, too.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Men are well just men. We do not even need to see a picture of a pretty women to start thinking about sex.

I remember half the crew getting involved in a less PC version of "Snog Marry Avoid" just by the chief putting up three female celebrities names on the board in the mess.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I have a highlight reel,I don't consider myself piggish in any way.piggish would be to act upon the highlight reel.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

talk123 said:


> My fiance is devoted to me but has said.. men are basically pigs. When they meet a pretty girl they think about having sex with her. Is this common for most men?


Maybe not every girl but men think about sex much more than women. Progesterone is what stimulates the sex drive of men. Also men are stimulated by visuals which is why porn and magazines like Playboy are billion dollar industries. I'd suggest doing some research on the male sex drive.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

And I thought that a person's thought are their personal business?

Sometimes I think of " erasing " people who owe me tons of money, and refuse to pay me..
Does that make me a murderer?


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Sussieq said:


> Maybe not every girl but men think about sex much more than women.* Progesterone is what stimulates the sex drive of men.* Also men are stimulated by visuals which is why porn and magazines like Playboy are billion dollar industries. I'd suggest doing some research on the male sex drive.


Women have much more progesterone than men do.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

All humans are captive to biology. It's something people either have to accept and manage and laugh at sometimes, or end up loathing themselves. You can imagine which choice is the healthier. Your fiance was being half honest. What he said is true, but it doesn't make them pigs. It makes them human. Now if a person decides to make those thoughts central and to focus on them and to give them more energy than is healthy...obsessing, fantasizing to the point of ignoring their own lives and the people around them, it doesn't make them pigs, necessarily. But it does make them less acceptable as relationship partners.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I have a highlight reel,I don't consider myself piggish in any way.piggish would be to act upon the highlight reel.


Me as well, it's not even a conscious decision it just happens.


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

Thanks for the honest replies.

Based on the responses, is it safe to say it may be harder for some married men to maintain a close female friendship? It seems the sex temptation would become stronger the more time they spend together.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Ha ...I can only assume lots of men do this


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wow ... I'm actually a little surprised the admissions of highlight reels when having sex with your partner. I don't get it. Usually the person I'm with is good enough ... if I have to think of someone else, then what am I doing having sex with this person. Conversely, I would like to think my partner is into me when I'm "into" her and not the guy with the broad shoulders she saw at the grocery store an hour ago. "Oh yeah, jsgw, oooh ... oh bang me harder broad shoulder grocery guy ... oops" ... ummm, who? (as my manhood shrinks faster than George Costanza jumping into a cold swimming pool)

That isn't to say I don't have highlight reels. Happens all the time, everywhere I look. I think of it when masturbating but not when I'm having sex with my wife.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

talk123 said:


> Thanks for the honest replies.
> 
> Based on the responses, is it safe to say it may be harder for some married men to maintain a close female friendship? It seems the sex temptation would become stronger the more time they spend together.


Certainly! Even for those that aren't inclined to imagine having sex with every women they interact with, close opposite sex friendships carry risk. The real thing to think about is what the appropriate boundaries are in place to help keep those friendships safe. Everyone is at risk even without trying to have opposite sex friends. Good boundaries help prevent bad situations and causal friendships from going to far. That's what you need both need to agree on.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

talk123 said:


> Thanks for the honest replies.
> 
> Based on the responses, is it safe to say it may be harder for some married men to maintain a close female friendship? It seems the sex temptation would become stronger the more time they spend together.


A man willing to spend time with any woman, even if the relationship is quote "just friends", would eventually turn into something...it's the law of nature I feel. Just my opinion

So yes, I would say that it's harder for men to maintain a close R with a woman without it getting closer. But I'm sure there are some women out there who have a hard time not getting lured into a male friend as well


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> That isn't to say I don't have highlight reels. Happens all the time, everywhere I look. I think of it when masturbating but not when I'm having sex with my wife.


You've had sex five times with your wife in five years, right? I've had sex with mine five times in the last three days. One of those was both of us watching another couple on porn.

So saying there is something wrong with us is kind of curious. It has nothing to do with us not being "good enough" for each other. Usually she is fantasizing about me doing another girl. 

*talk123* - the female "friend" thing for hubby is definitely something to avoid. You'll see threads on that here. Work is one thing, but a party friend especially has all the opportunity for mischief.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> *You've had sex five times with your wife in five years, right? I've had sex with mine five times in the last three days. One of those was both of us watching another couple on porn.*
> 
> So saying there is something wrong with us is kind of curious. It has nothing to do with us not being "good enough" for each other. Usually she is fantasizing about me doing another girl.
> 
> *talk123* - the female "friend" thing for hubby is definitely something to avoid. You'll see threads on that here. Work is one thing, but a party friend especially has all the opportunity for mischief.


Ouch


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> You've had sex five times with your wife in five years, right? I've had sex with mine five times in the last three days. One of those was both of us watching another couple on porn.
> 
> So saying there is something wrong with us is kind of curious. It has nothing to do with us not being "good enough" for each other. Usually she is fantasizing about me doing another girl.
> 
> *talk123* - the female "friend" thing for hubby is definitely something to avoid. You'll see threads on that here. Work is one thing, but a party friend especially has all the opportunity for mischief.


My marriage is like that now. I'm 45 years old. I've had HD girlfriends and I've had wild times in my younger years with sex multiple times a day every day and I still never thought about someone other than the person that I'm with. I'm not judging ... I just can't imagine it and it really hasn't anything to do with being "good enough", it has more to do with focusing on the person you are actually with.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> You've had sex five times with your wife in five years, right? I've had sex with mine five times in the last three days. One of those was both of us watching another couple on porn.
> 
> So saying there is something wrong with us is kind of curious. It has nothing to do with us not being "good enough" for each other. Usually she is fantasizing about me doing another girl.
> 
> *talk123* - the female "friend" thing for hubby is definitely something to avoid. You'll see threads on that here. Work is one thing, but a party friend especially has all the opportunity for mischief.


I'm not understanding how you bond through sex as a couple while fantasizing about someone else. I can't speak for H but I've never done that in 7years of marriage. I don't run a highlight reel anyway. I'm just being into what we're doing. If you have to fantasize about someone else what does that say about the reality that you're in?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> I'm not understanding how you bond through sex as a couple while fantasizing about someone else. I can't speak for H but I've never done that in 7years of marriage. I don't run a highlight reel anyway. I'm just being into what we're doing. If you have to fantasize about someone else what does that say about the reality that you're in?


I don't need to pretend you are weird just because you are different from us. It doesn't matter to me what you do, I don't question how you can bond - that seems a rhetorical question. I bond with my mother, father, extended family, my dogs, etc. without even having sex with them. So this is clearly just closed-mindedness on your part. I don't have to explain, but rather you have to not be so narrow minded.

The reality is exactly what we're doing. Her most explosive orgasms are going to be when I talk her through a fantasy of me doing another girl. That is the reality of what we're doing. Other people dress up or do roll playing or use toys. We don't use manipulative language like saying they have to "resort" to such things just because we don't do that. We don't have any foreplay at all either, which we think is great. But we don't say that other people are pathetic because they have to do it.

Nor do I harp on gays or lesbians or even people who are asexual. People need to be accepting of what others do.

Most of the time we're having straight sex, but when you are having it twice in a day a couple times a week then on those days we like a little variety. For us, that means watching porn while we're doing it and talking dirty at the same time about it.

Wee haw.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> My marriage is like that now. I'm 45 years old. I've had HD girlfriends and I've had wild times in my younger years with sex multiple times a day every day and I still never thought about someone other than the person that I'm with. I'm not judging ... I just can't imagine it and it really hasn't anything to do with being "good enough", it has more to do with focusing on the person you are actually with.


Well I am 54 and it's been the same since I was a teenager, both the frequency and tendency to fantasize. It is silly to impose our own ideals onto others. You are actually in the minority if you never fantasize. A VERY small minority in fact. 

But I have no problems understanding your preference. It doesn't make you "wrong" just because you are in a minority. I'm not gay either but I have no difficulty understanding same sex couples can love each other and get off on a different "kink".


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Well I am 54 and it's been the same since I was a teenager, both the frequency and tendency to fantasize. It is silly to impose our own ideals onto others. You are actually in the minority if you never fantasize. A VERY small minority in fact.
> 
> But I have no problems understanding your preference. It doesn't make you "wrong" just because you are in a minority. I'm not gay either but I have no difficulty understanding same sex couples can love each other and get off on a different "kink".


Ok, I have no idea why you are getting so defensive. I am in no way, shape or form imposing my ideals on you or anybody else. According to you, I am one of the few people who don't fantasize about somebody else while I'm having sex with my partner, so what do you care what I think? I am simply trying to understand because I can't.

My point about being 45 was simply to argue the implication you made that since I have sex so infrequently, it is somehow different. I am pointing out that I was young once and did have an active sex life and yet did not visualize a "substitute" for the real thing and so the infrequency of my current sex life has nothing to do with it. I am so glad to hear you are superior to me in every way considering how much more sex you have in your life than I do, lol.

It isn't even a preference. I always fantasize when I am having sex with myself. I have also role played earlier in my life. I fantasize when I see a hot girl in a short dress anywhere I go. It never dawned on me to imagine having sex with someone else while I'm in the act of having sex with my partner. Maybe I'm in a very small minority on that distinction but I really don't think so.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Flygirl what you wrote here about your son hits home with me too. My son will pick up on a man checking me out way before I will. But he doesn't get mad, he swoops in puts his arm around me and stares the man down. :rofl:


:lol:
How old is your son may I ask?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I almost never "imagine myself having sex" when I see an attractive woman. Do I notice her...OF COURSE. Do I look at a nice a$$ or big ...you get the idea....YES!! But my mind doesn't then turn it into a fantasy running through my head. That's a choice any man makes. It doesn't happen TO US. We allow it or we don't. I'm not saying it's wrong, but don't mistake it, it's a choice to bring it to that level.

Just like women. I love the "men are visual" blah blah. Both genders are visual. Are their differences, sure, but not to the level many people want to let on.

PS I'm high drive, with LOTS of test and I take care of my wife. When I fantasize, I like to think of things to do to her or she can do to me. It's more fun. I also don't think of sex "every 7 seconds" or whatever the stupid stat is that isn't correct. 

Fantasies and sexual thinking is completely a choice of the person with the thoughts. Recognizing an attractive person is a reaction, like a reflex, but it's what you do after that is your choice.

EDIT: I'm not saying it's wrong to fantasize and that it shouldn't happen. Fantasizing is normal and natural. I'm speaking about the mentality that men are walking around rating every woman they see, and if she crosses the "do her line" he's then fantasizing about sex with her and EVERY WOMAN he sees who is "doable". I can probably count on my hands the number of women I've fantasized about sexually (when not masturbating..that's a time that's open for both men and women LOL).


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> That is around 90% who admit to thinking of another woman while having sex with their wife. The other 10% lie about it.


This is the part I think where WiseForIt you really are the one that seems to not understand or accept every one is not like you .

Even if you had said you believed most people men and woman at some point have fantasized (about something period) while having sex that I wouldn't take objection to its probably true.But you are saying any man that says he doesn't (and the way its worded and the topic to this thread makes it sound like its more frequent than not) fantasize about having sex with another WOMAN while having sex with his wife is a liar.

It is possible for some to have never fantasized at all about anything over their life (during sex)and I'm sure that's the smallest %.But that doesn't mean of those men who engage in fantasy during sex every one of them have fantasized specifically about having sex with other women.What if a man said NOPE never have fantasized about being with another woman while having sex with my wife but I have fantasized on occassion of her being with another man while I watch?(or more than one man or her with him and another man) Or her being with a woman while I watch? Would you call him a liar?Maybe for some its not a turn on to fantasize about being with another woman when they are having sex with her even though they do fantasize about other scenerios.Even fantasizing about being with her in a different "way" than what they are doing at the present.Or past memorable sexual encoutners with her.

IOW never having ANY fantasies is probably what is very rare.But I wouldn't leap and say specifically a man is lying if he says he never specifically fantasizes about having sex with another woman while having sex with his wife just because some do.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Just like women. I love the "men are visual" blah blah. Both genders are visual. Are their differences, sure, but not to the level many people want to let on.


I totally agree.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> . I also don't think of sex "every 7 seconds" or whatever the stupid stat is that isn't correct.


That is an urban myth.I think its closer to once a day.(on average).


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

thinking my definition of the highlight reel and what it's used for is different than what's described here.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I like to think of things to do to her or she can do to me.


All I know is I can NOT fantasize if my eyes are open and there is plenty of light and lots of things to look at then and there .It would be like trying to talk on the telephone to one person while writing a letter to someone else at the same time.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Hubby and I had a conversation last night about this very topic (sex thoughts). We had filled out a questionnaire from the Marriage Builders website that asked what things you wanted to work on about yourself, and one of the things he'd checked off was having sexual thoughts about other women. He was sure that I would flip my lid about it, but I told him that I do not like the idea of 'thought police'. Now, he has had problems in the past that make him think he needs to work on this, and I'm not saying he shouldn't, but who the hell am I to tell him that he isn't allowed to find other women attractive? Hell, I do. I appreciate a nice pair of knockers as much as the next guy - er, girl. I told him so too.

The difference between us seems to be the degree of the thought, if that makes sense. For me, it's more of a feeling, it isn't a conscious thought that says "I want to F*CK him/her right now!!!" It's more of an appreciation, mixed with a bit of envy maybe, or maybe not. It might go so far as to wonder what they'd look like out of a bra, or what it would feel like to run my hands over his tight butt, but that's pretty much it, and it's very fleeting. It's gone as soon as I look somewhere else. But he told me that he has had quite physical urges, moreso in the past when we were having troubles, very definite sizing-up/come-on type thoughts if you will, and later thoughts about these women during sex or masturbation. 

This does bother me, that he has thoughts about other women like this, but he assures me that in the present it's far rarer than it was 3-4-5 years ago. For 2 reasons. We're in a far better place together, so he isn't craving extramarital sex as a means of connecting with someone, anyone. And he's made a conscious decision not to do it. He made this conscious decision because he simply doesn't want to go down that path again - he knows where letting his thoughts stray can end up.

Of course, he could be lying through his teeth. I can't read his mind  But at least he knows the right things to say, and for that I gotta love the guy!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

To me there is a HUGE difference as you are saying Hope 64 in just "observing" someone is attractive and taking that into a whole sexual fantasy then or later.And yes fleeting verses holding the the thought and running with it .

Its like saying noticing and admiring a pretty flower for a few seconds is something we are deliberately doing and can or should stop it.Verses lingering on the image of the flower and making a whole story up around it in my head which I do have control over.That doesn't just "happen" and Im a captive to my own story about it that just automatically is "happening to me".We would be completely useless if we had ZERO control over an image hijacking our thoughts till our brain was done with it.

And yes images can cause physical reactions and not just sexual ones either..but I don't VIEW every male or female even attractive ones as a "sexual image" just because they are standing there "attractive".Attractive does not = sexual image.Anyway we have a choice how to act on a reaction .Take example anger.Something you see can make you FEEL angry ..and physically your heart might start pounding your face may turn red you may even tremble..But that doesn't mean I have to take any action .Or that I should even.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> So you prefer men who are asexual?


I also kind of take offense that a man who doesn't think of having sex with attractive women he sees them or who doesn't fantasize about having sex with other women during sex with his wife as "asexual".


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Just like women. I love the "men are visual" blah blah. Both genders are visual. Are their differences, sure, but not to the level many people want to let on.


If you think that both sexes are equally excitable by visual stimuli, then you either don't understand men, women, or both. Women are not men with breasts. There are significant differences in our brains.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> If you think that both sexes are equally excitable by visual stimuli, then you either don't understand men, women, or both. Women are not men with breasts. There are significant differences in our brains.


Did you not read what he said?

I'll ask WHERE did he say women are men with breast? WHERE did he say that or even come close to saying that?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Just like women. I love the "men are visual" blah blah. Both genders are visual. Are their differences, sure, but not to the level many people want to let on.



:smthumbup:


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> That is an urban myth.I think its closer to once a day.(on average).


woo man i am way way WAY above average on this department, then!!:smthumbup:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Some men look at women and fantasize about having sex with them. 

Some women look at men and fantasize about having sex with them. 

Some men fantasize about other women whilst having sex with their wives. 

Some women fantasize about having sex with other men whilst having sex with their husbands.

Of what benefit is this knowledge to a happy, healthy relationship? None that I can see, and IMO perhaps it's best to keep such thoughts to ourselves...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> Some men look at women and fantasize about having sex with them.
> 
> Some women look at men and fantasize about having sex with them.
> 
> ...


:iagree: If you can't handle the heat.............


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

naga75 said:


> woo man i am way way WAY above average on this department, then!!:smthumbup:


:smthumbup:

That does not make you "better"!

Maybe I have to start a new thread..Why is the "theme" it seems being WAY above "average" in sexual activity or even thoughts of sex some sort of ..I don't know something to "celebrate" like "better than? As compared to average? Its NOT a talent its an urge.

Why is that something to "brag" about with..:smthumbup:


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> That does not make you "better"!
> 
> ...


because im proud of it, thats why.

why do you take everything so seriously?

and on that note, i never said i was "better" at anything. wow.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

naga75 said:


> because im proud of it, thats why.
> 
> why do you take everything so seriously?



Well its not just you..honestly seems the "theme" is "normal average healthy" people are not celebrated for having normal average drives...its more like an "inferior" to the "above average" thing...I take it seriously because many take the "high drive need"as something that must be how you say..."satisfied" or they are "unhappy" and or find it elsewhere.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> This is the part I think where WiseForIt you really are the one that seems to not understand or accept every one is not like you .


Oh I should have included a smiley maybe. This is a joke I have been hearing since I was very young, sometimes about masturbation and sometimes about fantasizing.

Clearly I don't even do it most of the time. So it isn't difficult for me to understand it in others.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Well its not just you..honestly seems the "theme" is "normal average healthy" people are not celebrated for having normal average drives...its more like an "inferior" to the "above average" thing...I take it seriously because many take the "high drive need"as something that must be how you say..."satisfied" or they are "unhappy" and or find it elsewhere.


well, thats not what i am saying.
what i am saying is that my drive is high and i find that healthy for me.
i was also making a joking comparison because yes, if you were to compare say...grades, you would have below average, average, and above average. being above average would be desirable, no?
so i was pretty much equating it to that. 
i wasnt laying a trap for those with lower drives than my own or those that think of sex less than me, so that i could pounce and pummel them with my superior sex drive/thinking etc. so take it easy.
i certainly understan that others have lower drives. and some even have higher drives.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Ok, I have no idea why you are getting so defensive.


? Not feeling that way. This should clarify:



> I am in no way, shape or form imposing my ideals on you or anybody else. According to you, I am one of the few people who don't fantasize about somebody else while I'm having sex with my partner, so what do you care what I think? I am simply trying to understand because I can't.


This is exactly what I am talking about. Why is it so difficult for you to understand? You fantasize. So do other people. 

It's a no-brainer. The only thing preventing a person from not understanding is the super-imposition of their thought process upon the thought process of others. 




> My point about being 45 was simply to argue the implication you made that since I have sex so infrequently, it is somehow different. I am pointing out that I was young once and did have an active sex life and yet did not visualize a "substitute" for the real thing and so the infrequency of my current sex life has nothing to do with it.


Sure. I see from surveys this is the case for a minority of the population so I readily accepted this before you ever posted about it. 



> I am so glad to hear you are superior to me in every way considering how much more sex you have in your life than I do, lol.


Now THAT is defensive. I am sure there are plenty of things you do better than me. This is always the case between people. 



> It never dawned on me to imagine having sex with someone else while I'm in the act of having sex with my partner.


I accept that, and have no difficulty understanding it.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> I also kind of take offense that a man who doesn't think of having sex with attractive women he sees them or who doesn't fantasize about having sex with other women during sex with his wife as "asexual".


It was unclear to me whether she meant that she did not like her boyfriend thinking about sex when he looks at HER vs looking at other women.

Because in a new relationship, not a marriage relationship, we see this kind of comment (most especially young girls) who are concerned that the only thing this guy wants from her is sex. 

That is why I broke the answer up into two parts, which you will see now if you review it. I could have written it better but it was late and I was watching the Jodi Arias trial on television with my wife at the same time.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

talk123 said:


> My fiance is devoted to me but has said.. men are basically pigs. When they meet a pretty girl they think about having sex with her. Is this common for most men?


You say he is DEVOTED TO YOU, so he treats you really good then.... you feel loved/ cared for.. he hasn't cheated on you? Maybe he is just kinda a brash talker - and says it like it is... where many men would NOT tell a woman this... but this doesn't mean it isn't so...

Although I do think this is pretty "normal"...and I have no desire to be a "thought police" to my own husband....like another said...his ACTIONS make him a PIG.....but how he makes me feel , his desire for ME --this too...

There is surely a BAR to how much of a *"fantasy" PIG* a man may be... some will allow thoughts to ENTER and allow them to escalate.. while others will purposely PUSH THEM OUT... 

Me & my husband ...we are a little odd, very very OPEN with each other.... he is my best friend and I can say anything to him, just as he can me, like I was "one of the guys"....this works for us.....I know exactly what turns his head...I could describe her to a T...and he knows what turns mine... 

We are very secure in what have...no other could take his place in my , and I know he feels the same... we watch porn together too....love it ! 

I asked him, in regards to this thread >>>http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/24519-way-men-really-think.html what goes through his mind when he sees a  woman on the beach for example ...

This is how he explained it ...

1st he looks at the face, this will not sound nice but he says "if she is dog faced, no sense in going any further", then he automatically puts them into baskets >>> "Doable" ..."Maybe".... or "ewwww NEVER". He said IF there is a CHOICE in these matters, it would be to LOOK AWAY immediately, but he admitted he doesn't want to do that... "it is no fun".... Then here is his next mental thoughts within seconds..... *"I love my wife, STD's, I love my kids , STD's" *...and that is the end of the fleeting fantasy.


I felt the best answer on that thread to explain a man's mind was given here >>



> Originally Posted by *unbelievable *:
> I have already said that fixating on a woman (ie, imaging an actual sex act with her or fantasizing about her stripping) is a bit creepy and, of course, that is a choice. My point is that there is an immediate "yes", "no", "Maybe if I was drunk" sort of selection going on for the briefest of nanoseconds in every male brain (at least the straight ones).
> 
> Having been male for nearly 50 years, I have been "listening" to "yep", "nope", "no way in hell", etc every day for at least 40 years.
> ...


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

I find that answer by unbelievable fantastically accurate.
Although, i will admit that i have indeed "dwelled" on the thoughts and i have most certainly acted upon them. Before getting married. 
Now all of my sex thoughts during the day center around my wife, even if they are triggered by a good lookin girl i see. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

naga75 said:


> *I find that answer by unbelievable fantastically accurate.*
> Although, i will admit that i have indeed "dwelled" on the thoughts and i have most certainly acted upon them. Before getting married.
> Now all of my sex thoughts during the day center around my wife, even if they are triggered by a good lookin girl i see.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 We had this conversation with our oldest son...since he was there that day... he has not even slept with a woman yet....even he agrees --YES... this IS how men think....even the conservative minded Christians...which he is.


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

This fact -- that men have a choice to dwell/go further or not when encounter an attractive person -- probably made many women feel at peace. 

Oh, just for clarification, when I said I imagine other men when having sex with my husband, I forgot to to say that these men were faceless, nobody specifically, as it was more about creating situations/scenes in my mind. Well, glad we talked about that and then this. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Flygirl (Apr 9, 2013)

coffee4me said:


> He's 15 going on 35.
> He's bigger than a lot of men and has a deep voice. So, he will say "HI MOM" as he pulls me away. That's about the time I will realize there must be a man checking me out and I'll look around to see if he's cute.


Same age as my son. He's almost 16 and tall for his age. He looks and acts older than he is. I've overheard people more than once trying to figure out if we are boyfriend/girlfriend or mother and son. Have you ever noticed that the guys that act stupid like that are very rarely attractive. I guess they feel like they have nothing to lose. I can't help but wonder if it ever works for them.


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## justforfun1222 (Feb 6, 2013)

Men are not the only ones that have those reels in their heads sometimes, I like to look at attractive men, I am human, I don't stare with my mouth hanging open and drooling or anything. Even though people would like to believe that someone they are with only thinks about or looks at them, to me that is unrealistic and I would be concerned about my husband if he did not look occasionally..


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Ok, *I have no idea why you are getting so defensive. * I am in no way, shape or form imposing my ideals on you or anybody else. According to you, I am one of the few people who don't fantasize about somebody else while I'm having sex with my partner, so what do you care what I think? I am simply trying to understand because I can't.
> 
> My point about being 45 was simply to argue the implication you made that since I have sex so infrequently, it is somehow different. I am pointing out that I was young once and did have an active sex life and yet did not visualize a "substitute" for the real thing and so the infrequency of my current sex life has nothing to do with it. I am so glad to hear you are superior to me in every way considering how much more sex you have in your life than I do, lol.
> 
> It isn't even a preference. I always fantasize when I am having sex with myself. I have also role played earlier in my life. I fantasize when I see a hot girl in a short dress anywhere I go. *It never dawned on me to imagine having sex with someone else while I'm in the act of having sex with my partner. Maybe I'm in a very small minority on that distinction but I really don't think so*.


He's like that.

I don't think you are in a small minority either. My partner is the only one I fantasize about period. He's that awesome!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MissMe said:


> He's like that.
> 
> I don't think you are in a small minority either. *My partner is the only one I fantasize about period.* He's that awesome!


 My husband has told me he has never done it ... I've asked this a # of times..he knows he can tell me anything, I've tried to bribe it out of him throwing ideas at him even....as I've been honest how I have "crossed the fence" in my mind on occasion...(which doesn't upset him -as he feels this is normal) but still swears that he hasn't... which only makes ME look bad...so I do believe him. 

He knows he is the only man for me, he is hardly worried about this, he just calls me an "dirty old woman" and seems to be amused / happy I am this way .... At one point, my fantasy life took on new wings....very Rich...this has calmed considerably.....

The high majority of MY fantasies are me & him going back in time and re-living many of the things we didn't do...places we could have explored & "marked" with memories.....acts we should have engaged in... .... I've also entertained him being my Affair partner - our paths meeting after many yrs/ lost loves...... hey, he's still my [email protected]#$ So not a bad thing, even it sounds it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

dallasapple said:


> Did you not read what he said?
> 
> I'll ask WHERE did he say women are men with breast? WHERE did he say that or even come close to saying that?


Yes. I read what he said. I even quoted the relevant passage in my post. You even quoted the same passage in a post. Did you read it? He posted that both sexes are visual and that the differences between the sexes are much less significant than most here claim. And he's wrong.

Men are more visual than women. This goes without saying. It has been scientifically proven. If you doubt me, spend 30 seconds on Google. That should be long enough to confirm the significant differences between the sexes.


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## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

I notice attractive men and expect my boyfriend to have his attractions (so long as he does not gawk to embarrass me). It's natural. 

We were channel flipping and my boyfriend said my eyes popped out of my head when a naked man was dancing -- didn't mean to but guess couldn't help it and did not realize I was that obvious. 

Despite that, believe it or not, I still don't undress men in my mind.. no matter how handsome. Have only wanted to have sex with men I was close to.


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