# My thread - Recently blown out by current woman



## treyvion

My ex-wife sent me to TAM, Divorcebusting.c0m, marriagebuilders, womensinfidelity.c0m, etc with her unrepentant actually bullying cheater style. She was trying to inflict as much damage as possible, and did not care about my life.

My current woman, has been found to have cheated. The guys are right. VAR is probably the quickest and fastest way to catch them. When you are ready to find out plant the VAR in the suggested locations. Also SMS details are important. The cheaters will have a bunch of inproper activities going on at the same time, it starts quick.

My current would hook people and usually string them along. She kept some for sex, but like to be mostly "friends" with benefits and no attachements.

I haven't confronted her with the information yet, and probably never ever will show that I have this information, but I will let her know that i know for a fact that i've been cheated on and consistently and for a long time.

I don't know if I'm going to out and out drop her, but she's already single and singles may be banging others. So i might look at it as ensuring my current needs get met, but making sure that I date others, because I'm effectively single.

Anyhow my thread is not going to be focused on crying about the situation, but about rebuilding yourself as a strong single. That's what I need to focus on right now.

There is nothing else to find out about her, I found enough info and it didn't take 50 years either.

What could I have done to "prevent" it? Nothing, not date her in the first place. She is in a h0e phase and I should have recognized it.


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## harrybrown

Ouch! 

Have you been tested for stds? has she?

I do hope you let her know that she did not pull one over on you and that you know about the cheating.

Have you talked to an attorney yet?

I do hope you have a better experience next time.


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## treyvion

harrybrown said:


> Ouch!
> 
> Have you been tested for stds? has she?
> 
> I do hope you let her know that she did not pull one over on you and that you know about the cheating.
> 
> Have you talked to an attorney yet?
> 
> I do hope you have a better experience next time.


It's a GF. I had been weakend through the "power inbalance". I'm going to keep my mouth shut as I rebuild strength. I know I can't take her word for it.

Like I said, I may use it as a temporary situation and treat her like a "single", because when you get with a "single" they usually have other stuff going on.

She was tested earlier this year but not at my behest. I'm still composing myself, and thinking of the rules...


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## texasoutlaw82

I know you're questioning yourself about getting your needs met, but consider where you'd be getting those needs met. 

I get the whole casual dating/hook up but there are plenty of other wells to fish from that aren't as tainted and connected to such toxicity and trash.


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## treyvion

texasoutlaw82 said:


> I know you're questioning yourself about getting your needs met, but consider where you'd be getting those needs met.
> 
> I get the whole casual dating/hook up but there are plenty of other wells to fish from that aren't as tainted and connected to such toxicity and trash.


It's all tainted. I don't think she's going to be too happy about me having success with the ladies. But why not?

She's part of an environment that it's what I may get anyway. Unless I chase "good" girls only and only seek marriage.

Right now I'm concerned about needs and rebuilding my strength. If my needs aren't met, I'm out for sure.


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## firebelly1

Treyvion - did the two of you have an explicit discussion about exclusivity?


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## texasoutlaw82

I hear ya. Can you keep the emotional aspect out of it?


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## treyvion

firebelly1 said:


> Treyvion - did the two of you have an explicit discussion about exclusivity?


At the 2-3 months mark I requested exclusitivity. I knew that I didn't want to share at the time, but in single land sometimes people are just out there. It's been over 3 years now.


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## toonaive

Are you living together?


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## firebelly1

treyvion said:


> At the 2-3 months mark I requested exclusitivity. I knew that I didn't want to share at the time, but in single land sometimes people are just out there. It's been over 3 years now.


You say you requested - did she agree? I'm curious about your reaction cuz you seem pretty calm about it. You've been in what you thought was an exclusive relationship with someone for three years and you're relatively okay with the fact that she's not been exclusive that whole time?


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## treyvion

toonaive said:


> Are you living together?


Yes, that's what I said I am "power inbalanced" and don't feel strong enough to confront unless I'm leaving her behind for good. So I have to deal with her cheating self and it weakened me, I didn't know for sure, but it eats at you over time.


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## treyvion

firebelly1 said:


> You say you requested - did she agree? I'm curious about your reaction cuz you seem pretty calm about it. You've been in what you thought was an exclusive relationship with someone for three years and you're relatively okay with the fact that she's not been exclusive that whole time?


No I'm not and I know that should be the main point of it all. I"m not okay with it.

I knew it was too much activity outside the house, I didn't know how far their capers went.

It probably is not a good situation for me to live with unless I got a ton going on myself.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> No I'm not and I know that should be the main point of it all. I"m not okay with it.
> 
> I knew it was too much activity outside the house, I didn't know how far their capers went.
> 
> It probably is not a good situation for me to live with unless I got a ton going on myself.


Thing about it is when I get out there as a real single, dealing with people that have alot going on and possibly doing a roulette with several people is a reality.

I do want to date stable people, who appreciate my kindness and yes I do prefer to be sexually exclusive.


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## firebelly1

treyvion said:


> No I'm not and I know that should be the main point of it all. I"m not okay with it.
> 
> I knew it was too much activity outside the house, I didn't know how far their capers went.
> 
> It probably is not a good situation for me to live with unless I got a ton going on myself.


So you would be okay with it if you were also having as much sex outside the relationship as she seems to be? 

I'm somebody who can be open minded about open relationships, but I don't think they can work if the two of you aren't honest with each other and she hasn't been with you.

I'm sorry. This must be really painful for you.


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## toonaive

Work on yourself----------------------->run!


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## azteca1986

Sorry to hear this, fella. 



> So i might look at it as ensuring my current needs get met, but making sure that I date others, because I'm effectively single.


Don't waste your precious life associating with this sort of person. Every day you spend with her makes you a little more like her...



> I do want to date stable people, who appreciate my kindness and yes I do prefer to be sexually exclusive.


... and less like the person you want to be.

I freely admit I know nothing of the modern dating scene. I've only slept with one woman this century. But I've known her 14 years. If you want to date stable people, be one yourself.


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## texasoutlaw82

Tainted wells or not - stay away from her. Professing to want exclusivity and stability and then acting the exact opposite makes no sense. 

One of the voices in my head always says, "treat people the way you want to be treated." 

Subconsciously, allowing her to continue down this path will only eat you away later. The mess gets bigger the further out you go. Cut ties, wash hands and go fish...literally or figuratively.


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## treyvion

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Tainted wells or not - stay away from her. Professing to want exclusivity and stability and then acting the exact opposite makes no sense.
> 
> One of the voices in my head always says, "treat people the way you want to be treated."
> 
> Subconsciously, allowing her to continue down this path will only eat you away later. The mess gets bigger the further out you go. Cut ties, wash hands and go fish...literally or figuratively.


On a brighter note. I woke up very early this morning, it's been along time since I had clarity.

I woke up early did some work, and went and got a good morning workout. I've been slacking for the last few months, and I know I need to focus on myself.

My spark which has been dulled is coming back, and I feel like if I keep on a routine I will feel good about myself.

My life has been missing some things that last several years. I need more outside activities, to hang more with my positive friends, to stay on a fitness regiment, to do more things that are fun and not work.


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## doubletrouble

At least you know now, rather than years down the road. 

Sorry you're going through it, and it's easier to say that sitting out here in internet land than it is living through it. Although I have lived through it, while married/in LTRs.


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## treyvion

doubletrouble said:


> At least you know now, rather than years down the road.
> 
> Sorry you're going through it, and it's easier to say that sitting out here in internet land than it is living through it. Although I have lived through it, while married/in LTRs.


I got some stuff cooked up. But here I will keep you appraised of some of the rebuild efforts:

I've been talking about starting a salsa class which will put me into touch with the opposite sex, in an positive environment.

Will start a toastmasters or something that gets me communicating, even if I sale a product part time during the weekends.

I will have to do some professional networking in my career and surrounding careers.

I will have to add to my wardrobe and get a busy schedule.

I need to add activities which are fun and add to my pleasure and feelings of well being.

Spend more time around good friends.

Enough bs to keep life interesting, but not to make my life revolve around it.

I will be keeping track of my workouts and some of the activities started and making a note of how I feel.


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## doubletrouble

That sounds like an excellent list, Trey. A healthy approach. Make sure you live YOUR life. 

If she wants to be part of that, boundaries. 

You're no newbie to this site, you already know the drill.


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## treyvion

doubletrouble said:


> That sounds like an excellent list, Trey. A healthy approach. Make sure you live YOUR life.
> 
> If she wants to be part of that, boundaries.
> 
> You're no newbie to this site, you already know the drill.


Agree.


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## GusPolinski

Honestly, I think you ought to follow the same advise that you often give to others...

Cut her loose and move on w/ your life. Period.

Nevermind what she says, how she reacts when you confront, or any of that -- just cut her out of your life and move on.

Sorry man.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Agree.


I can start some of these this week, and add to it over the weeks.


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## treyvion

GusPolinski said:


> Honestly, I think you ought to follow the same advise that you often give to others...
> 
> Cut her loose and move on w/ your life. Period.
> 
> Nevermind what she says, how she reacts when you confront, or any of that -- just cut her out of your life and move on.
> 
> Sorry man.


And we both know that this is sound and just advice. It flat out works, because no one to blame but yourself if things go wrong.

I'm going to push it out into the future, as long as my needs are met, if they are not met I'm out of there.

She has expressed that she really doesn't want me putting a lot of time on other women. That's going to happen to some degree now.


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## GusPolinski

You're setting yourself up for nothing but heartache, man. She KNOWS what your ex did to you, yet she's engaging in the same.

Get your needs (ALL OF THEM) met elsewhere, and /w someone else. Someone BETTER.

There's just no way for you to maintain even a sliver of self-respect otherwise. I mean seriously... do you really want to share? You deserve better than a bunch of other guys' sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths, etc.


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## treyvion

GusPolinski said:


> You're setting yourself up for nothing but heartache, man. She KNOWS what you ex did to you, yet she's engaging in the same.
> 
> Get your needs (ALL OF THEM) met elsewhere, and /w someone else. Someone BETTER.
> 
> There's just no way for you to maintain even a sliver of self-respect otherwise. I mean seriously... do you really want to share? You deserve better than a bunch of other guys' sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths, etc.


I have self-respect. That's why this thread is created to focus on what it takes to rebuild as a strong single.

But I hear you on sloppy seconds. Sometimes in single land that's what you get.


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## GusPolinski

treyvion said:


> I have self-respect. That's why this thread is created to focus on what it takes to rebuild as a strong single.
> 
> But I hear you on sloppy seconds. Sometimes in single land that's what you get.


Then get out of "single land".


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## weightlifter

Who own the house or holds the lease?


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## treyvion

Lila said:


> Treyvion, I'm really sorry that you are going through this painful process. I hope you can move past it sooner rather than later.
> 
> In the meantime, consider adding some volunteer work to your list. There's something very fulfilling about helping others in their desperate time of need.


Volunteer work and church, I didn't mention that.


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## treyvion

weightlifter said:


> Who own the house or holds the lease?


Will talk to you offline about this part.


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## PieceOfSky

Hi Treyvion,



Sorry you are in this situation. There are people who use others and lie, and it seems she is one. 



I don't understand your willingness to treat her as if you two were just "single". Why is it you want to do that? Do you feel like you want to keep her in your life because somehow she makes you feel loved?



From a distance, there seems to be a significant risk keeping her in your life is going to block you from rebuilding yourself. 



Better to find someone truly single and have meaningless sex than have sex with someone who has lied to you and put your health at risk and brings a bit of the wrong kind of meaning to your soul/sub-conscious mind.



You deserve better. Accept no less than you deserve.



Take care.


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## treyvion

PieceOfSky said:


> Hi Treyvion,
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry you are in this situation. There are people who use others and lie, and it seems she is one.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't understand your willingness to treat her as if you two were just "single". Why is it you want to do that? Do you feel like you want to keep her in your life because somehow she makes you feel loved?
> 
> 
> 
> From a distance, there seems to be a significant risk keeping her in your life is going to block you from rebuilding yourself.
> 
> 
> 
> Better to find someone truly single and have meaningless sex than have sex with someone who has lied to you and put your health at risk and brings a bit of the wrong kind of meaning to your soul/sub-conscious mind.
> 
> 
> 
> You deserve better. Accept no less than you deserve.
> 
> 
> 
> Take care.


I agree with you, it of course is not the most efficient and best thing for my life.

Well my diet was on point today, I've been slack for the last several months and workouts lack. About to head in for my second workout today, I will add an activity next week - likely a Salsa class. My plan is to get through a few classes and get with a "nice" group to do that with.


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## treyvion

Food macro's were great today.

96 oz of purified water, every 2-3 hrs.

215 protein
30 carb
35 fat

I usually hold a good 240lbs condition, but want to tighten it to a very atheletic and similarly strong 225lbs.

I need to make it thirty days on the low carb then I will switch to a 5 more normal days and 2 low cal days approach.

I was very strong for my size just 3 months ago, so need to get back in form and strip the fat off me.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Food macro's were great today.
> 
> 96 oz of purified water, every 2-3 hrs.
> 
> 215 protein
> 30 carb
> 35 fat
> 
> I usually hold a good 240lbs condition, but want to tighten it to a very atheletic and similarly strong 225lbs.
> 
> I need to make it thirty days on the low carb then I will switch to a 5 more normal days and 2 low cal days approach.
> 
> I was very strong for my size just 3 months ago, so need to get back in form and strip the fat off me.


Food Macro's ended up the same except the pro/carb/fat ended up:

265 protein
30 carb
39 fat

It's not a lot of calories, but it's definitely more than enough protein, and the rest is enough to let my body start feeding on it's fat. 

Done for the night.


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## whitehawk

God sorry man , that's really rough. 

But l'd let her know , right before l told her to fk the hell off.

Why the hell would you wanna keep a women like that for anything :scratchhead:


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## firebelly1

Interesting how you keep changing the subject from her (which was presumably the topic of this thread) to your workout and eating regimen. So...you're not going to tell us the whole story? Ok. So I'll guess: you share a household and there would be financial consequences if she moved out. And you don't want to give up the regular, sure-thing sex. That's why you will put up with her rather than just go find other single people.


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## doubletrouble

treyvion said:


> Food Macro's ended up the same except the pro/carb/fat ended up:
> 
> 265 protein
> 30 carb
> 39 fat
> 
> It's not a lot of calories, but it's definitely more than enough protein, and the rest is enough to let my body start feeding on it's fat.
> 
> Done for the night.


As in grams each? How did you get the protein so high without adding more fats and carbs? 

If your body weight is 245, the rule of thumb is generally one gram of protein per pound of weight.


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## treyvion

firebelly1 said:


> Interesting how you keep changing the subject from her (which was presumably the topic of this thread) to your workout and eating regimen. So...you're not going to tell us the whole story? Ok. So I'll guess: you share a household and there would be financial consequences if she moved out. And you don't want to give up the regular, sure-thing sex. That's why you will put up with her rather than just go find other single people.


The start of the thread was bout rebuild from it. I lost alot of strength due to the lie. I don't know what you call a person who does that to you. I'm becoming empowered by the entire picture.

Anyway the thread was focused on building up yourself as a strong individual "single". I didn't want to complain or rehash it over and over and over again and get mentally stuck there.


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## firebelly1

treyvion said:


> The start of the thread was bout rebuild from it. I lost alot of strength due to the lie. I don't know what you call a person who does that to you. I'm becoming empowered by the entire picture.
> 
> Anyway the thread was focused on building up yourself as a strong individual "single". I didn't want to complain or rehash it over and over and over again and get mentally stuck there.


The thing is, what you decide to do about her is part of the equation. Are you going to keep her around, continually salting your wounds, or are you going to split? Focusing on yourself is good either way, but it could also be a way of avoiding the question and facing things. 

This is TAM. I think the whole point is to whine.


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## treyvion

firebelly1 said:


> The thing is, what you decide to do about her is part of the equation. Are you going to keep her around, continually salting your wounds, or are you going to split? Focusing on yourself is good either way, but it could also be a way of avoiding the question and facing things.
> 
> This is TAM. I think the whole point is to whine.


I'm going to end up dating someone. If it is good, I will no longer be able to justify going in there with my lady, and will bounce. The contrast will be painful and hard to accept. Been there done that.

I'm not going to wine, rebuild myself as a strong individual single, and hope that her stuff falls off. If it doesn't i'm gone too. So yes prolonging it.


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## texasoutlaw82

Im of the mind frame that, if you keep people around - for good or bad, those people will influence you. 

With that said, do you honestly want a constant reminder of lies and deception at the expense of some skin? 

Get some new skin and keep it light, tight and bright.


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## michzz

treyvion said:


> But I hear you on sloppy seconds. *Sometimes in single land that's what you get*.


Not willingly!

There are billions of women on this planet that won't want more than one guy a night, or dare I say, a week!

Drop this one, get checked for STDs and move on.

Alone without a woman is better than this.


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## Deejo

I have a very mercenary view of 'singlehood'.

I also operate under the code of 'Do no harm'

There is a book, that I highly recommend to anyone who finds themselves looking for a sense of self, or trying to make sense of circumstances that just flat out don't ...

It's called "Awareness" by Anthony DeMello. You can find a number of references to it on the site. If you haven't read it, I recommend it.

There are some religious overtones, but the scope is not really religious.

I'm a big believer in making someone who thinks they are comfortably getting over on you, far less comfortable.

I don't think you need to confront her if your intention is to remain in the relationship and in the domicile for the time being. But you can undoubtedly make it clear that she has broken your trust, and that you know what has been going on, again, if you choose to make her squirm.

I believe that anyone is capable of anything.

I believe that context is everything. Nothing is as static as we want it to be, especially our intimate relationships. And for those that believe they are? They are what DeMello would call, 'asleep'.

There are things that we want to be able to count on. Understandably so. But ... at the same time, we make them important and insist on fidelity ... because deep down, if we aren't asleep, we should well know that fidelity is NOT static. 

Doesn't mean we can't be surprised, or hurt when we find out a partner has broken faith.

Do be aware of whether or not remaining where you are, and with whom you are partnered is harming you. Calculate that balance every day. And if it is, you need to forge a new road.

I don't think you need to rehash the how's, why's and what now's in this case either. 

You know.

Trust yourself. Don't trust her. Not with your heart anyway.


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## NextTimeAround

Treyvion, what attracted you to her? And before it was clear, can you think of things that you dismissed that were really red flags?


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## treyvion

NextTimeAround said:


> Treyvion, what attracted you to her? And before it was clear, can you think of things that you dismissed that were really red flags?


It was physical attraction was peaked. Her voice and mannerisms ( i would group this under charm ) also snagged me.

She got me to break alot of my rules and boundaries.

The greatest red flag was the lack of intiative in doing things for me, or if I did something I always did quite a bit more in her direction. There were red flags about committment and priority of me.

I got her she was a strong single, and wasn't going to pull that guard down easily, but obviously she must've had a lot going on at the time too, so she didn't want to let that go.

At the time I met her, I had built up alot of internal strength, boundaries, I wasn't really allowing people in my head that weren't helping me or doing things in my favor.

That's all been reduced a bit, why i started the thread rebuilding as a strong independant single.


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## treyvion

doubletrouble said:


> As in grams each? How did you get the protein so high without adding more fats and carbs?
> 
> If your body weight is 245, the rule of thumb is generally one gram of protein per pound of weight.


Chicken breasts gets the protein up.

I also drink a shake with low carb and low fat.

Eggs.

When I'm rolling along I get my fats up around 60, eating salmon, avacodos, and nuts for my fats.

Right now I don't care, want the body to consume it's fat, so I'm going to be a bit less "satiated"...


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## treyvion

Deejo said:


> I have a very mercenary view of 'singlehood'.
> 
> I also operate under the code of 'Do no harm'
> 
> There is a book, that I highly recommend to anyone who finds themselves looking for a sense of self, or trying to make sense of circumstances that just flat out don't ...
> 
> It's called "Awareness" by Anthony DeMello. You can find a number of references to it on the site. If you haven't read it, I recommend it.


Thank you. I'm sure this is excellent advice, I also agree there needs to be a cost and a long term cost if this person wants to continue dealing with you.



Deejo said:


> There are some religious overtones, but the scope is not really religious.
> 
> I'm a big believer in making someone who thinks they are comfortably getting over on you, far less comfortable.


It should be strategic and masterful, with words and actions, it doesn't always have to be said. So I should have plenty of stuff to "whoop" her with and she needs it.



Deejo said:


> I don't think you need to confront her if your intention is to remain in the relationship and in the domicile for the time being. But you can undoubtedly make it clear that she has broken your trust, and that you know what has been going on, again, if you choose to make her squirm.


Already let her know I know all her stuff. She played it off, but let her know how deeply and how far back I know ALL of her stuff. She knows that I know. I told her I don't want to talk about it right now.

I wanted to rebuild my strength, while riding the flames of hades. I'm probably also going to start up my own stuff, and this will be part of the cost.



Deejo said:


> I believe that anyone is capable of anything.
> 
> I believe that context is everything. Nothing is as static as we want it to be, especially our intimate relationships. And for those that believe they are? They are what DeMello would call, 'asleep'.


For being fooled so long I was put to sleep. I was alert awake, driven and focus. That had been diminished from being fogged. But it's coming back with the awareness.



Deejo said:


> There are things that we want to be able to count on. Understandably so. But ... at the same time, we make them important and insist on fidelity ... because deep down, if we aren't asleep, we should well know that fidelity is NOT static.


Thanks. When I start up my new stuff, if it's with a much more trustworthy person who treats me better and my needs are met in abundance, I won't be able to continue to justify her.



Deejo said:


> Doesn't mean we can't be surprised, or hurt when we find out a partner has broken faith.
> 
> Do be aware of whether or not remaining where you are, and with whom you are partnered is harming you. Calculate that balance every day. And if it is, you need to forge a new road.


My mindset is on strong single doing what they do. If she's going to stay my "lady" her $hit needs to be falling off. I can check, and like you said I believe there needs to be a cost going forward and a consistent cost.



Deejo said:


> I don't think you need to rehash the how's, why's and what now's in this case either.
> 
> You know.
> 
> Trust yourself. Don't trust her. Not with your heart anyway.


This is the hard part how to withdraw it fully.


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## doubletrouble

treyvion said:


> Chicken breasts gets the protein up.
> 
> I also drink a shake with low carb and low fat.
> 
> Eggs.
> 
> When I'm rolling along I get my fats up around 60, eating salmon, avacodos, and nuts for my fats.
> 
> Right now I don't care, want the body to consume it's fat, so I'm going to be a bit less "satiated"...


Chicken white meat is good, as long as it's lean. Also lean turkey. White meats naturally have less fat than dark or red meats. 

Whey protein in shakes is a good source of protein. Eggs without the yokes (the white) are an excellent source of very low fat protein. I put one whole egg in a four egg omelet and it tastes better, looks like an omelet, but it removes something like 200 calories from the omelet. 

All that protein should not leave you feeling hungry. Fats satiate, but proteins take a long time to digest. Also make sure your carb intake is complex carbs, as they also take a long time to digest, all of which is aimed at keeping your insulin levels from spiking or diving (giving you the hunger pangs). 

Just some thoughts.


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## doubletrouble

treyvion said:


> This is the hard part how to withdraw it fully.


Therein lies the rub.


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## treyvion

doubletrouble said:


> Chicken white meat is good, as long as it's lean. Also lean turkey. White meats naturally have less fat than dark or red meats.
> 
> Whey protein in shakes is a good source of protein. Eggs without the yokes (the white) are an excellent source of very low fat protein. I put one whole egg in a four egg omelet and it tastes better, looks like an omelet, but it removes something like 200 calories from the omelet.
> 
> All that protein should not leave you feeling hungry. Fats satiate, but proteins take a long time to digest. Also make sure your carb intake is complex carbs, as they also take a long time to digest, all of which is aimed at keeping your insulin levels from spiking or diving (giving you the hunger pangs).
> 
> Just some thoughts.


I've been keeping excel spreadsheet logs since 2007. So I'm just doing an old routine, i kinda know how i react to various states, the only thing I've never done is get body builder shredded on purpose.


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## treyvion

doubletrouble said:


> Therein lies the rub.


It's easy to get off of one when you have another that you really like.

But outside of that you'd have to be a Jedi.


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## doubletrouble

treyvion said:


> I've been keeping excel spreadsheet logs since 2007. So I'm just doing an old routine, i kinda know how i react to various states, the only thing I've never done is get body builder shredded on purpose.


Well we're alike in that one then. I used to do the same things. Turned my body into a science project and made calculations and projections based on intake and output, and I managed to hit the numbers dang near straight on, every time. Once you know what your body will do with certain inputs/outputs, it's pretty predicatable. Until you get arthritis or some health thing comes up. 

Or your W cheats on you. Stuff like that. Ugh.


----------



## treyvion

doubletrouble said:


> Well we're alike in that one then. I used to do the same things. Turned my body into a science project and made calculations and projections based on intake and output, and I managed to hit the numbers dang near straight on, every time. Once you know what your body will do with certain inputs/outputs, it's pretty predicatable. Until you get arthritis or some health thing comes up.
> 
> Or your W cheats on you. Stuff like that. Ugh.


Stop crying and take it like a man.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

I would see dating a person who still considered themselves singe differently from being in a committed relationship and due to cheating on their part going back to single dating status again. I wouldn't be able to handle it.


----------



## doubletrouble

MaritimeGuy said:


> I would see dating a person who still considered themselves singe differently from being in a committed relationship and due to cheating on their part going back to single dating status again. I wouldn't be able to handle it.


I sure wouldn't be going down on her, at least.


----------



## treyvion

Not done eating for the day but food been on point, no alcohol is part of the deal.

Currently at 151 protein, 19 carbs and 31 fat. 80 oz of purified water, 6 oz of cofee and 12 oz of diet dr.

Protein is from eggs, half whites removed, chicken breast and a monster milk shake with the Amino fuel product.


----------



## Miss Taken

Condoms at least man. I think it was you who said you didn't like them. But I think you might hate an STD even worse.


----------



## treyvion

Miss Taken said:


> Condoms at least man. I think it was you who said you didn't like them. But I think you might hate an STD even worse.


Condoms feel worse than trashbags, you feel like pressure like wearing a pair of cotton gloves. But for safety first you have to do it or abstenance, or a vd test before intercourse.

Didn't eat much today, was amped up and not hungry, workout is coming strong as i get the monkey off my back.

151 protein
19 carbs
31 fat

Workout was:

7 minutes elliptical at 190 revs per minute ( warmup )
seated abs with weight stack, 4 sets
db bench press, 4 sets
iso incline bench press, 4 sets
v bar tricep pushdown, 4 sets
db tricep kickbacks, 4 sets
pec dec, 4 sets
kneeling, weighted abs with cables, 4 sets
30 minutes elliptical

My next goal is tommorrow and add an activity next week. Perhaps Salsa class. Oh, church and volunteer group would be great too.


----------



## murphy5

trev, if i were you,i would seek out some counselling to see WHY you are attracted to these toxic women. Something about their style attracts you, and you do NOT want that happening again!


----------



## always_alone

murphy5 said:


> trev, if i were you,i would seek out some counselling to see WHY you are attracted to these toxic women. Something about their style attracts you, and you do NOT want that happening again!


He pursuing utterly toxic relationships with a toxic attitude towards women. How on earth is he going to end up with a woman who is not toxic?


----------



## treyvion

murphy5 said:


> trev, if i were you,i would seek out some counselling to see WHY you are attracted to these toxic women. Something about their style attracts you, and you do NOT want that happening again!


It's like a fishing lure. The right stink bait and shake and shine to it will catch the appropriate fish. They will hit that hook hard, realize they are hooked, look at the flashing colors and stink and bite down again, then they are reeled in.

I was attracted to ones who were physically attractive who put most of their energy in that arena, but as friends were not reliable to me and not really doing anything for me. 

They would request things from me, that they were not willing to do in return.

I know everyone is not going to do it that way, but if someone runs you down from being with them, then it's probably a problem.


----------



## treyvion

always_alone said:


> He pursuing utterly toxic relationships with a toxic attitude towards women. How on earth is he going to end up with a woman who is not toxic?


I don't have a toxic attitude towards women. I might not like women who use men. I hold women accountable, and the right ones are very responsible and trustworthy.

Others are your worse nemesis, it's like the guy who gets close and robs you or steals your ideas and credit and you flood him with love in return instead of kicking him out.

I know there are good women out there, and sorry to say there are generalities into locating them.


----------



## treyvion

Macros currently at:

186 protein
26 carb
30 fat

It will end up around

250 pro
40 carb
40 fat

Want to get through this workout and we have an out of town visitor.


----------



## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Macros currently at:
> 
> 186 protein
> 26 carb
> 30 fat
> 
> It will end up around
> 
> 250 pro
> 40 carb
> 40 fat
> 
> Want to get through this workout and we have an out of town visitor.


Currently at. 
236 Protein
36 carbs
34 fats


----------



## murphy5

you do NOT have to only date super hot women. I can see not wanting an ugly one, but there are plenty of women who do not look like supermodels, but still, in bed, are super hot--especially with the right lingerie. 

what you might want to look for are: a kinky mind, hot in bed, a strong connection to her family and friends, some interest in "settling down", not too many past partners, interest in monogamy, some non-sexual shared interests.

You seem to be very into healthy eating. Maybe that can be the bonding thing with the next woman...someone who is into that type of food, improving her body, working out a lot. 

In my marriage, as in all, there are hot and cold moments. and when the sex/romance is a little cold, we can always do some non-sexual bonding stuff to get back on track. that only works because we have some comon interests that we both enjoy.


----------



## OhGeesh

Good luck man 

I love the STD comments that always get thrown out there. I had sex with probably 40 girls in college, multiply that with all of the people they slept with, all of the people my wife (then off and on again) girlfriend slept with and know how many STD's I caught? 

CRABS lol and probably HPV, but over 75% of the population has some form it anyway.

STDS are way rare especially in adults! 

I don't know the OP, but assuming he is 35-44 and white the incidence for his age group is less than 1%. Then the incidence of infection after 3 separate contacts is under 34%, so playing statistics it is very unlikely he would catch anything even if she was banging 20 guys. 

I do agree he should go get tested....I just find it funny people "did you get tested" you have a better chance of developing terminal cancer in your lifetime than catching STD in that demographic.


----------



## treyvion

OhGeesh said:


> Good luck man
> 
> I love the STD comments that always get thrown out there. I had sex with probably 40 girls in college, multiply that with all of the people they slept with, all of the people my wife (then off and on again) girlfriend slept with and know how many STD's I caught?
> 
> CRABS lol and probably HPV, but over 75% of the population has some form it anyway.
> 
> STDS are way rare especially in adults!
> 
> I don't know the OP, but assuming he is 35-44 and white the incidence for his age group is less than 1%. Then the incidence of infection after 3 separate contacts is under 34%, so playing statistics it is very unlikely he would catch anything even if she was banging 20 guys.
> 
> I do agree he should go get tested....I just find it funny people "did you get tested" you have a better chance of developing terminal cancer in your lifetime than catching STD in that demographic.


I only banged about 40 babes in my lifetime, and caught chlamydia twice, crabs once. Chlamydia doesn't make you happy and want to catch it again, that's for sure.


----------



## murphy5

i guess it all depends on what type of guys she is shtooping. If it is just one other married guy, yeah the risk is low.

If she is placing craigslist ads and hitting on random guys in bars, the odds go up considerably. 

And HPV is a very serious thing if the guy is into oral sex, he can get throat cancer from it.


----------



## treyvion

murphy5 said:


> i guess it all depends on what type of guys she is shtooping. If it is just one other married guy, yeah the risk is low.
> 
> If she is placing craigslist ads and hitting on random guys in bars, the odds go up considerably.
> O
> And HPV is a very serious thing if the guy is into oral sex, he can get throat cancer from it.


Im not married. Also married guys can be the biggest *****s.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## always_alone

treyvion said:


> I don't have a toxic attitude towards women.


Dude, from what I've seen, your attitudes towards women are pretty toxic. And until you decide to work on getting strong and healthy in that area, I predict that you will keep finding yourself in toxic relationships just like the one you have now.

No matter how much protein you eat.


----------



## treyvion

always_alone said:


> Dude, from what I've seen, your attitudes towards women are pretty toxic. And until you decide to work on getting strong and healthy in that area, I predict that you will keep finding yourself in toxic relationships just like the one you have now.
> 
> No matter how much protein you eat.


I don't agree. I believe in a good woman who is dependable, who wants to carry her weight and will take care of her man when his back is turned.

However a good percentage especially "hot girls" tend to have alot going on, and that means that situations overlap, sometimes 3 or 4 or even more.

They can mess your life up.

Anyway I'm at 

131 protein
14 carbs
20 fats

64 oz of water

I read some more of the tragedy, and a desire or hunger to drink and party and be wild is there, but i will mess up what i'm doing.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

A 'hot' woman may have more options but she either has integrity or she doesn't.


----------



## treyvion

MaritimeGuy said:


> A 'hot' woman may have more options but she either has integrity or she doesn't.


Thats what it boils down to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Thats what it boils down to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Macros today:

236 protein
14 carb
52 fats
96 oz of purified water

Did 30 minutes of cardio. I'm out of my groove but back used to be my thing.

My old weights:

db curls up to 105ldb for reps
lat pull. up to 345lb ( extra plate on 300 lbs stack ) for reps
low pulley row - up to 390 lbs for reps ( two plates on 300lb stack )
bent over rows. up to 375lbs for reps
dead lifts. up to 6 plates for several reps

.

I'll prolly get up to 85% of that, because I had been on a roll up to two months ago.


----------



## jaquen

I'm sorry guy, not buying the "I'm rebuilding myself as a strong individual single" line.

You're attracted, for some reason, to women who have no respect for you and treat you like crap. They get away with it, clearly, because something inside of yourself is broken enough to deal with it. There is no way any man with even a modicum of healthy self esteem, self respect, would find out their girlfriend is cheating and react the way you are. You're going to use this as an opportunity to rebuild and get your needs met? No it sounds like you're use to being treated like absolute dung and have adapted to life as a human toilet seat.

It doesn't sound like you're getting in shape, "rebuilding" for yourself. It sounds like you're working overtime to be worthy of a cheater's attention. _Maybe, just maybe if I look good enough, become interesting enough, this "hot" woman will stop her cheating ways and see me as worthy enough to be faithful to_.

Not. Going. To. Happen. This woman doesn't respect you, doesn't take you seriously, and will never meet your true needs. Something inside of you knows this and something inside of HER knows it too.

A real sign of "rebuilding" would be the day you wake up and realize that you're worth a lot more than sticking it out with some loose piece of ass who doesn't respect you as far as she could throw you.


----------



## firebelly1

jaquen said:


> I'm sorry guy, not buying the "I'm rebuilding myself as a strong individual single" line.
> 
> You're attracted, for some reason, to women who have no respect for you and treat you like crap. They get away with it, clearly, because something inside of yourself is broken enough to deal with it. There is no way any man with even a modicum of healthy self esteem, self respect, would find out their girlfriend is cheating and react the way you are. You're going to use this as an opportunity to rebuild and get your needs met? No it sounds like you're use to being treated like absolute dung and have adapted to life as a human toilet seat.
> 
> It doesn't sound like you're getting in shape, "rebuilding" for yourself. It sounds like you're working overtime to be worthy of a cheater's attention. _Maybe, just maybe if I look good enough, become interesting enough, this "hot" woman will stop her cheating ways and see me as worthy enough to be faithful to_.
> 
> Not. Going. To. Happen. This woman doesn't respect you, doesn't take you seriously, and will never meet your true needs. Something inside of you knows this and something inside of HER knows it too.
> 
> A real sign of "rebuilding" would be the day you wake up and realize that you're worth a lot more than sticking it out with some loose piece of ass who doesn't respect you as far as she could throw you.


Thank you. The fact that this thread has gone from Trey telling us very matter-of-factly that his woman cheated to his daily nutrition journal has been maddening. Completely distracting himself from dealing with the real issue.


----------



## treyvion

jaquen said:


> I'm sorry guy, not buying the "I'm rebuilding myself as a strong individual single" line.
> 
> You're attracted, for some reason, to women who have no respect for you and treat you like crap. They get away with it, clearly, because something inside of yourself is broken enough to deal with it. There is no way any man with even a modicum of healthy self esteem, self respect, would find out their girlfriend is cheating and react the way you are. You're going to use this as an opportunity to rebuild and get your needs met? No it sounds like you're use to being treated like absolute dung and have adapted to life as a human toilet seat.
> 
> It doesn't sound like you're getting in shape, "rebuilding" for yourself. It sounds like you're working overtime to be worthy of a cheater's attention. _Maybe, just maybe if I look good enough, become interesting enough, this "hot" woman will stop her cheating ways and see me as worthy enough to be faithful to_.
> 
> Not. Going. To. Happen. This woman doesn't respect you, doesn't take you seriously, and will never meet your true needs. Something inside of you knows this and something inside of HER knows it too.
> 
> A real sign of "rebuilding" would be the day you wake up and realize that you're worth a lot more than sticking it out with some loose piece of ass who doesn't respect you as far as she could throw you.


To be honest, you couldn't nor should you want to regain their respect. I can't run out just yet anyway because of my living situation. So until then I'll be in the gym.

Anyway, I liked the story of the guy who reclaimed his personal self, and was kinda getting ready and then he left out the door, when she finally was coming around. The entire time the wife was complaining that he must be getting ready for someone else, she was right.

It's better to have friends who wouldn't do this in the first place. And if they did somehow do it drunk or couldn't believe how far they followed their single friends, it would hurt them as horribly as it hurt you.

A single who is out there would do much more aggressive things than I am doing in this situation.


----------



## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Macros today:
> 
> 236 protein
> 14 carb
> 52 fats
> 96 oz of purified water
> 
> Did 30 minutes of cardio. I'm out of my groove but back used to be my thing.
> 
> My old weights:
> 
> db curls up to 105ldb for reps
> lat pull. up to 345lb ( extra plate on 300 lbs stack ) for reps
> low pulley row - up to 390 lbs for reps ( two plates on 300lb stack )
> bent over rows. up to 375lbs for reps
> dead lifts. up to 6 plates for several reps
> 
> .
> 
> I'll prolly get up to 85% of that, because I had been on a roll up to two months ago.



Ended up :

9/26/2014
96 of purified water, soft drinks on top of it.
281 protein
14 carbs ( really? YES, lol )
56 fats


----------



## jaquen

treyvion said:


> To be honest, you couldn't nor should you want to regain their respect. I can't run out just yet anyway because of my living situation. So until then I'll be in the gym.
> 
> Anyway, I liked the story of the guy who reclaimed his personal self, and was kinda getting ready and then he left out the door, when she finally was coming around. The entire time the wife was complaining that he must be getting ready for someone else, she was right.
> 
> It's better to have friends who wouldn't do this in the first place. And if they did somehow do it drunk or couldn't believe how far they followed their single friends, it would hurt them as horribly as it hurt you.
> 
> A single who is out there would do much more aggressive things than I am doing in this situation.


Dude, what are you even talking about?

Look if your living situation makes it tough to leave, I sympathize. That's never an easy situation to find yourself in.

But what's disconcerting about your thread is this idea that you expect, at some point, for the relationship to possibly live on, IF she sees the new, improved you and IF she agrees to then meet your "needs".

WHO DOES THAT? Seriously, why would you, at all, desire to stay with a woman like this no matter what she says or does in the future?


----------



## treyvion

jaquen said:


> Dude, what are you even talking about?
> 
> Look if your living situation makes it tough to leave, I sympathize. That's never an easy situation to find yourself in.
> 
> But what's disconcerting about your thread is this idea that you expect, at some point, for the relationship to possibly live on, IF she sees the new, improved you and IF she agrees to then meet your "needs".
> 
> WHO DOES THAT? Seriously, why would you, at all, desire to stay with a woman like this no matter what she says or does in the future?


No, someone like that deserves to be dumped on their ass and even possibly cheated on similarly.

We don't straighten up for them, we do it for us. You see when you waste alot of time on someone or something that is not helping you, you hurt your own progress.

She couldn't be ready for me for several years, because her history is terrible. None of the other guys trust her for that...

I'm taking my time, and having great workouts.


----------



## jaquen

treyvion said:


> She couldn't be ready for me for several years, because her history is terrible ... I'm taking my time, and having great workouts.


Let me just clarify this.

Are you saying that you are still hoping that, at some point, this cheater will be "ready" to be your faithful girlfriend?


----------



## treyvion

jaquen said:


> Let me just clarify this.
> 
> Are you saying that you are still hoping that, at some point, this cheater will be "ready" to be your faithful girlfriend?


If I want a party girl I'll have one right there 

She does seem to like competition though. Also she likes not alot of attention and busy men. Seems like no matter who you are she will be doing something else.


----------



## jaquen

treyvion said:


> If I want a party girl I'll have one right there
> 
> She does seem to like competition though. Also she likes not alot of attention and busy men. Seems like no matter who you are she will be doing something else.


I can't read your thread anymore.

Too hard to see you degrading yourself like this.


----------



## Nucking Futs

treyvion said:


> If I want a party girl I'll have one right there
> 
> She does seem to like competition though. Also she likes not alot of attention and busy men. Seems like no matter who you are she will be doing *someone* else.


Fify.


----------



## treyvion

Nucking Futs said:


> Fify.


thanks for the correction.

Guys please forgive me, it's just something to do right now. I probably will do a lightweight not serious dating thing after this anyway, and some of them might be the flighty ones.

Of course long term you want a babe that has your back and is dependable, but I don't have that right now, so I'm not worried about it.


----------



## clipclop2

You deserve better.

But I'm not impressed with what I see as beta behaviour no matter how much you go to the gym in the mean time.

None of your new dates will look at you with admiration. They will be confused and not trust you.

Be a man.


----------



## treyvion

clipclop2 said:


> You deserve better.
> 
> But I'm not impressed with what I see as beta behaviour no matter how much you go to the gym in the mean time.
> 
> None of your new dates will look at you with admiration. They will be confused and not trust you.
> 
> Be a man.


I can't leave till I have a few more paychecks, then she will come home and I will be gone. Just chill out, I just hit my confirmed DDay, and I know i'm dealing with a liar.


----------



## clipclop2

Take care of yourself and be strong.


----------



## treyvion

clipclop2 said:


> Take care of yourself and be strong.


Thanks. I need that.

Currently at

64 oz of water, 24 oz of coffee and diet soft drinks
163 protein
45 carb
44 fat

I have some keto stix, which may show I'm in ketosis. When your in ketosis, it means your body has switched over to burning fats as a primary source of energy. 

I looked at the physics behind it, and carbs and sugers do produce more power output than the burn of fats. However, for this situation, being in ketosis means you will strip fat off as quickly as possible.

So I'm going to stay in it for in it.


----------



## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Thanks. I need that.
> 
> Currently at
> 
> 64 oz of water, 24 oz of coffee and diet soft drinks
> 163 protein
> 45 carb
> 44 fat
> 
> I have some keto stix, which may show I'm in ketosis. When your in ketosis, it means your body has switched over to burning fats as a primary source of energy.
> 
> I looked at the physics behind it, and carbs and sugers do produce more power output than the burn of fats. However, for this situation, being in ketosis means you will strip fat off as quickly as possible.
> 
> So I'm going to stay in it for in it.


Ketostix didn't say ketosis. I figured after 5 days of low carbs it would be there, well today I did have a bit more carbs, still not a ton but obviously enough to keep me out of ketosis.

Ended at:

96 oz of purified water, 30 oz of other sugar free fluids
261 protein
127 carbs
73 fats

Tommorrow I'm going to mess with a nearly completely zero carbs day and see what the ketosis reading says the next day.


----------



## JohnnyMyst

RE: Ketosis

It isn't physics, it is biology. It is highly unlikely you will be able to reach a state of ketosis with the high levels of protein intake you have (google Gluconeogenesis).

Whatever "research" you've done should be carried outside, doused in kerosene, and set alight. Your diet macros are completely wrong. Your protein intake is likely much too high, your fat intake is far too low, but your carb levels are fine.

Google "Paleo" and start there.


----------



## treyvion

JohnnyMyst said:


> RE: Ketosis
> 
> It isn't physics, it is biology. It is highly unlikely you will be able to reach a state of ketosis with the high levels of protein intake you have (google Gluconeogenesis).
> 
> Whatever "research" you've done should be carried outside, doused in kerosene, and set alight. Your diet macros are completely wrong. Your protein intake is likely much too high, your fat intake is far too low, but your carb levels are fine.
> 
> Google "Paleo" and start there.


Pretty good bash.

Technically in the human body you have:

1. Biology
2. Chemistry
3. Physics 

And who knows what other processses going on. I did some research a few years ago and found some not often looked at university materials. Did my digging.

What prompted me was why after low carbing it, if I get some good carb sources, do I heat up like a furnace and feel more physically powerful.

It was shown that the use of carbs as fuel puts out more power, that's all it is to it.

Fats can be used as fuel and you will feel fine, even better than an untrained individual. But when we're talking about "high performance", low carbs have their place, and high carbs also have their place.

Anyway on me, I know the protein numbers look high to you. I'm a big guy. If I'm much under 200 g of protein my body seems to eat muscle or not preference it. That's the way it works on me, and I've been logging it since 2007.

By the way I wouldn't recommend anyone do what I do, much of it is extreme and dangerous. 

I'd even do a water fast to guarantee i'm in ketosis. After one day of fasting my energy is super high, and I'm able to use my hunger to power through a workout.

Fasting is great. It lets your digestive system take a break, and starts everything over from scratch.

After 3 days of fasting I get a mental clarity, but my energy output is not as high when I'm eating. But I can still workout if I want to.

If there is any one advice I have that you are going to have a hard time shooting down it is this.

"Find out what works on you".


----------



## azteca1986

treyvion said:


> Of course long term you want a babe that has your back and is dependable, but *I don't have that right now*, so I'm not worried about it.


What does this mean, treviyon?

You're not wallowing which is healthy. You're living healthy, which is... healthy. But, if you want a babe that has your back and is dependable that's what you have to be. Starting right now. I admit I don't get the modern dating game, all this spinning plates and dating five women at time. Personally I think figuring out one woman is enough of a headfvck for me.

I've never told "My story" on TAM, but I feel motivated to when I see what you're putting yourself through.

When I met my future wife, she was in a LTR with someone else...

I met her when we both worked at an ad agency. The girl whom she was replacing described me as "He's arrogant and a nightmare to work with. You should hope you never have to work with him" 

About a month later was the office Christmas party. She had an argument with her boyfriend before she came out. We spent the night chatting about nature and wildlife (a genuine passion for both of us). Her father was respected naturalist and when I was young my dream job was to be a game ranger. 

I only de-coded what exactly went on in the last six months. She spoke about her father, a truly great and much loved man. I never met him. She was in essence letting me know who I had to measure up to. And I spoke about my father. I was basically giving her a point by point guide to the man, husband and father I aspired to be.

Leaning over and giving her a kiss did cross my mind, but as I was well aware she was someone else's girlfriend, I thought better of it.

A couple of days later she called me (got my number off a colleague) and told me we needed to talk. We met in a mall in the afternoon and chatted for about five minutes. She said that she was 'starting to have feelings for me' and what was I going to do about it? My first thought was "How has this suddenly become my problem to solve?" I didn't weigh up my response. The first thing out of my mouth was:

"The feeling _isn't_ mutual. But I'm not sneaking around, so if you want to go out with me you have to end it with you boyfriend. And I promise you nothing at the end of it."

Ball back in her court. I've given her nothing to hang a future relationship on. I've even added a legal disclaimer telling her she can never hold "remember what I gave up for you" over my head if our relationship doesn't work out. We both know I could have been a weasel; I could have had lunches with her, after work drinks with our colleagues as cover. Worked on her slowly. Would she have gone with that plan? I don't know because I never gave her the option. I don't date other people's girlfriends. "If you want 'us' to proceed, boot your boyfriend with immediate effect." The conversation lasted five minutes. I haven't kissed her or even held her hand at this point.

I'm an INFJ personality. I'm driven by ideas and concepts (handy when I write ads for a living). When she went away to think about what I'd said she _knew_ that my personal integrity was very valuable to me. Thinking further she could see that my 'plan' was the only way we could both proceed with both our integrities intact. My expectation was that she would take a gamble on me based on one three hour, non-work conversation vs her existing five year relationship. Time to see what she was made of.

Two days later she ended things with her ex.

Strangely enough today I wrote on her FB timeline "Today is 5,400 days since the O&M christmas party conversation... Your courage is one of the sexiest thing about you"

The point of this story is to say, trevyion, that if you want to attract the right kind of person to you, you have to be the right kind of person yourself. Okay, you can't extract yourself from your living arrangements immediately. Fine. Just have nothing more to do with your ex. The kind of people you associate with rub off on you. We can't control other people, we can only hold up own end of the bargain. 

Start by valuing *yourself* (I think this is what jaquen, clipclop & firebelly are getting at)


----------



## treyvion

Azteca1986 - Thanks for your kind response. I'm going to respond to some of the points and I hope your day is going great.



azteca1986 said:


> What does this mean, treviyon?
> 
> You're not wallowing which is healthy. You're living healthy, which is... healthy. But, if you want a babe that has your back and is dependable that's what you have to be. Starting right now.


I got taken because I was "too" dependable. You see when they are playing the game that requires a "mark", they want that to be a good person who is reliable so they know they will get what they want and there is little to no repurcussions for foul play.

So no being perfectly dependable and having high integrity does not guarantee that my partner will do the same.

However I do think in the sphere and circle of integrity, they wold prefer to date others with similar 

values


azteca1986 said:


> I admit I don't get the modern dating game, all this spinning plates and dating five women at time. Personally I think figuring out one woman is enough of a headfvck for me.


It's all an excersize in insanity. Some of the normal things they do today were on the edge just 10 years ago.



azteca1986 said:


> I've never told "My story" on TAM, but I feel motivated to when I see what you're putting yourself through.
> 
> When I met my future wife, she was in a LTR with someone else...


Mmm. 



azteca1986 said:


> I met her when we both worked at an ad agency. The girl whom she was replacing described me as "He's arrogant and a nightmare to work with. You should hope you never have to work with him"


Wow, gave you about the worst head start possible. I'm sure it was a lie or you wouldn't have said it.



azteca1986 said:


> About a month later was the office Christmas party. She had an argument with her boyfriend before she came out. We spent the night chatting about nature and wildlife (a genuine passion for both of us). Her father was respected naturalist and when I was young my dream job was to be a game ranger.


Great point to connect.



azteca1986 said:


> I only de-coded what exactly went on in the last six months. She spoke about her father, a truly great and much loved man. I never met him. She was in essence letting me know who I had to measure up to. And I spoke about my father. I was basically giving her a point by point guide to the man, husband and father I aspired to be.


I wonder how she took it. People pedastalize their parents and often don't see the faults or behind the scenes, so you can be tortured with them trying to make you measure up to an impossibility.



azteca1986 said:


> Leaning over and giving her a kiss did cross my mind, but as I was well aware she was someone else's girlfriend, I thought better of it.


You just felt like it was the move to take?



azteca1986 said:


> A couple of days later she called me (got my number off a colleague) and told me we needed to talk. We met in a mall in the afternoon and chatted for about five minutes. She said that she was 'starting to have feelings for me' and what was I going to do about it? My first thought was "How has this suddenly become my problem to solve?" I didn't weigh up my response. The first thing out of my mouth was:


I think she wanted to get some.




azteca1986 said:


> "The feeling _isn't_ mutual. But I'm not sneaking around, so if you want to go out with me you have to end it with you boyfriend. And I promise you nothing at the end of it."


Interesting, some integrity.



azteca1986 said:


> u
> 
> Ball back in her court. I've given her nothing to hang a future relationship on. I've even added a legal disclaimer telling her she can never hold "remember what I gave up for you" over my head if our relationship doesn't work out. We both know I could have been a weasel; I could have had lunches with her, after work drinks with our colleagues as cover. Worked on her slowly. Would she have gone with that plan? I don't know because I never gave her the option. I don't date other people's girlfriends. "If you want 'us' to proceed, boot your boyfriend with immediate effect." The conversation lasted five minutes. I haven't kissed her or even held her hand at this point.


I don't think you had to be a weasal. When she said she was developing feelings about you and you had to "do something about it", she was pretty much telling you to get it.



azteca1986 said:


> I'm an INFJ personality. I'm driven by ideas and concepts (handy when I write ads for a living). When she went away to think about what I'd said she _knew_ that my personal integrity was very valuable to me. Thinking further she could see that my 'plan' was the only way we could both proceed with both our integrities intact. My expectation was that she would take a gamble on me based on one three hour, non-work conversation vs her existing five year relationship. Time to see what she was made of.


It wasn't nothing. She had to simply measure whether she felt the 5 years was a wise investment, not really a comparison. If it was a bad situation you gave her great impetus to go on and leave.



azteca1986 said:


> Two days later she ended things with her ex.
> 
> Strangely enough today I wrote on her FB timeline "Today is 5,400 days since the O&M christmas party conversation... Your courage is one of the sexiest thing about you"
> 
> The point of this story is to say, trevyion, that if you want to attract the right kind of person to you, you have to be the right kind of person yourself. Okay, you can't extract yourself from your living arrangements immediately. Fine. Just have nothing more to do with your ex. The kind of people you associate with rub off on you. We can't control other people, we can only hold up own end of the bargain.
> 
> Start by valuing *yourself* (I think this is what jaquen, clipclop & firebelly are getting at)


I do. Thanks for taking the time to write your story.

Food macro's currently:

72 protein
36 carbs
21 fats

It'll probably be to

220 protein
36 carbs
45 fats 

by the end of the day.

I thought I was going to do absolutely NO carbs, but after my morning workout I was depleted, and had a hit of grapefruit juice.

But under 50 carbs today and tommorrow should have me in ketosis.


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## clipclop2

Trey, your interpretation of this very important story is concerning.


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## pidge70

You are taking in way too many carbs to enter ketosis.


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## azteca1986

treyvion said:


> I got taken because I was "too" dependable. You see when they are playing the game that requires a "mark", they want that to be a good person who is reliable so they know they will get what they want and there is little to no repurcussions for foul play.
> 
> So no being perfectly dependable and having high integrity does not guarantee that my partner will do the same.
> 
> However I do think in the sphere and circle of integrity, they wold prefer to date others with similar values


All our relationships, be they with our partners, our friends, our offspring, in business, everything needs to be judged on "Do they bring out the best in me?" If they don't get them out of your life. My only sibling and his toxic Auber-victim of a wife didn't measure. I'll ruthlessly protect myself and my family, so they had to go.

Your ex is a user. She took advantage of your good qualities. Perhaps looking back (maybe you're too close to the relationship still) you can see signs of that?



> Wow, gave you about the worst head start possible. I'm sure it was a lie or you wouldn't have said it.


Nah. True. I was those days a nightmare to work with if you were either not good at your job or weren't as committed as I was. Probably provided an intriguing contrast between "work me" and "off duty me"


> Great point to connect.


It is a passion that sustains us. My wife looks after herself, buys clothes cares how she looks, etc. But she can also sit all day in a dusty jeep. I wasn't trying to pick her up. I spoke passionately about a shared passion and was genuinely interested in her stories.
We both relax in exactly the same environment. Doesn't mean we don't love clubbing too, but our shared interests drives our holidays, what we truly value - we need no more than a picnic blanket and the sun on our backs to be content, you know?



> I wonder how she took it. People pedastalize their parents and often don't see the faults or behind the scenes, so you can be tortured with them trying to make you measure up to an impossibility.


Oh, I'll never measure up to my image of my dad. That's okay. I'm pretty comfortable with myself. 


> You just felt like it was the move to take?


The thought crossed my mind. She attractive. But I'm better than that. 


> Interesting, some integrity.





> It wasn't nothing. She had to simply measure whether she felt the 5 years was a wise investment, not really a comparison. If it was a bad situation you gave her great impetus to go on and leave.


Her relationship was obviously tanking, otherwise she wouldn't have approached me. I've met her ex subsequently. He's taller than me, but looks wise we're much of a muchness. He used to "try to make [my wife] jealous". I don't play games. Hate them. I was totally honest with her from the second she showed an interest. Also my opening gambit would give the impression "this guy is unlikely to cheat on me.". I'm immediately seen as a possible long-term option. 

We get too hung up on Alpha/Beta. I prefer to talk about Leadership because you can use it in all the relationships in your life. The bottom line is, though my motivation may be my own integrity, I'm showing her the traits I value: Honesty, Integrity, Fidelity, Loyalty and Courage. I'm showing her leadership because all those traits are encompassed in my response. And my expectation is she reciprocates. Whether she thought it through or not I was also protecting her reputation at the same time. Leadership.


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## azteca1986

clipclop2 said:


> Trey, your interpretation of this very important story is concerning.


What concerns you, clipclop2?


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## treyvion

azteca1986 said:


> All our relationships, be they with our partners, our friends, our offspring, in business, everything needs to be judged on "Do they bring out the best in me?" If they don't get them out of your life. My only sibling and his toxic Auber-victim of a wife didn't measure. I'll ruthlessly protect myself and my family, so they had to go.
> 
> Your ex is a user. She took advantage of your good qualities. Perhaps looking back (maybe you're too close to the relationship still) you can see signs of that?
> 
> Nah. True. I was those days a nightmare to work with if you were either not good at your job or weren't as committed as I was. Probably provided an intriguing contrast between "work me" and "off duty me"
> It is a passion that sustains us. My wife looks after herself, buys clothes cares how she looks, etc. But she can also sit all day in a dusty jeep. I wasn't trying to pick her up. I spoke passionately about a shared passion and was genuinely interested in her stories.
> We both relax in exactly the same environment. Doesn't mean we don't love clubbing too, but our shared interests drives our holidays, what we truly value - we need no more than a picnic blanket and the sun on our backs to be content, you know?
> 
> Oh, I'll never measure up to my image of my dad. That's okay. I'm pretty comfortable with myself.
> The thought crossed my mind. She attractive. But I'm better than that.
> 
> Her relationship was obviously tanking, otherwise she wouldn't have approached me. I've met her ex subsequently. He's taller than me, but looks wise we're much of a muchness. He used to "try to make [my wife] jealous". I don't play games. Hate them. I was totally honest with her from the second she showed an interest. Also my opening gambit would give the impression "this guy is unlikely to cheat on me.". I'm immediately seen as a possible long-term option.
> 
> We get too hung up on Alpha/Beta. I prefer to talk about Leadership because you can use it in all the relationships in your life. The bottom line is, though my motivation may be my own integrity, I'm showing her the traits I value: Honesty, Integrity, Fidelity, Loyalty and Courage. I'm showing her leadership because all those traits are encompassed in my response. And my expectation is she reciprocates. Whether she thought it through or not I was also protecting her reputation at the same time. Leadership.



It sounds like your current wife plugs into the vision you have of yourself and your personal values, that she enhances it through her support. Awesome.


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## azteca1986

treyvion said:


> It sounds like your current wife plugs into the vision you have of yourself and your personal values, that she enhances it through her support. Awesome.


Yes. We bring out the best in each other. This is the way it's supposed to work. It's a reciprocal agreement.

But if you're seriously contemplating using a user to meet your own needs, you're becoming her. Your better than that. Be ruthless about the people you associate with.


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## treyvion

I didn't really feel like eating last nite but did get a workout. It was descent, and it gave me an idea of how much strength I'm going to gain back after a months of it.

Food ended up being:

122 protein
36 carbs
25 fats

The ketostix shows I'm starting to go into ketosis. Going to mess around today with zero actual carbs and by the end of the night to the morning I will be in ketosis.

Workout was:

7 minutes elliptical
lat pull down
slant board situp
high pulley row
db curls
seated weighted abs
bent over rows
z bar reverse curles
back extensions

My strength and endurance was down from a few months ago. I'd estimate - 80-85% of what it was based on the numbers and reps I was able to do.

It kinda feels good to know when I get back on the bicycle that those numbers will be coming back along with the confidence and feelings that come with it.


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## treyvion

09/29/2014 15:00

Currently 64 oz of water

128 protein
17 carbs ( will be all for the day )
26 fats

I might stop eating for the day and make it a low cal day. It's amazing I can see a difference after one week, excited to see the next week. Pushing day by day only, initial goal 30 days, but may just do 8 weeks...


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## vellocet

treyvion said:


> I don't know if I'm going to out and out drop her, but she's already single and singles may be banging others. So i might look at it as ensuring my current needs get met


Ok, I have just one question for you.........what?


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## treyvion

vellocet said:


> Ok, I have just one question for you.........what?


Well think about how many betrayds hang on for years, it's only been a few days since dday.

And your right, we can be single and I fully responsible to and for myself, and ensure that she's respectful and trustworthy as a friend, which will put her down on the totem pole compared to many others.


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## treyvion

Ended up 

150 protein
17 carbs
41 fats

126 oz of purified water.

Feeling great, it's been a week and waist has come down. What's hilarious is when my waist was smaller I didn't feel like it was small, but according to my weight belt which I can no longer close it must be 2-3" bigger!


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Ended up
> 
> 150 protein
> 17 carbs
> 41 fats
> 
> 126 oz of purified water.
> 
> Feeling great, it's been a week and waist has come down. What's hilarious is when my waist was smaller I didn't feel like it was small, but according to my weight belt which I can no longer close it must be 2-3" bigger!


Ended 9/30/2014 at:

184 protein
12 carbs
30 fats
96 oz of purified water + some softdrinks ontop.

About to pull a late night workout.

My birthday is tommorrow, I'll be 43 years old.


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## texasoutlaw82

Just out of curiosity, why are you on such a low carb diet? 

I'm all for cutting, but Im beginning to wonder how you even function with little to no carbs.


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## naiveonedave

Tex - read up on Atkins or Paleo diets. If you believe what they say, there is no reason to ever worship the FDA food pyramid again.


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## treyvion

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Just out of curiosity, why are you on such a low carb diet?
> 
> I'm all for cutting, but Im beginning to wonder how you even function with little to no carbs.


Being active and low carbs is better than being on the couch drinking alcohol several times a week. 

So I reversed the trend. Took out the excess carbs, and started the workout.

I was in very good shape up till 3 months ago, putting that back now.

The low carbs was due to my belief that it will let it happen fastest. When I get closer to the body size that I want to be, I will eat sufficient carbs to provide the energy i need.


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## treyvion

naiveonedave said:


> Tex - read up on Atkins or Paleo diets. If you believe what they say, there is no reason to ever worship the FDA food pyramid again.


I've personally read these. You takes bits and pieces for each.

Personally I don't feel atkins or paleo are long term diets even though you can use them as such.

Carbs have their place, you should minimize processed foods and alchol. A balanced diet, but the balance is not according to the old food pyramid.


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## treyvion

10/1/2014 - it's my birthday. 

I got my workout this morning, 30 minutes of cardio.

My current macros are 96 oz of purified water
202 protein
8 carbs
44 fats.

( might be done eating )

I just saw something on facebook where Lebron James did almost no carbs for 67 days straight. So now I'm going for 60. My goal is to strip most of the fat off me while gaining my strength back. I know that when I add carbs back I will feel better, but for now I'm going to keep at it.


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## treyvion

10/1/2014 - I'll probably add a salsa class next week, and some sort of church and/or volunteer activity too.


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## azteca1986

Happy birthday mate


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## texasoutlaw82

Happy Birthday. :smthumbup:

I still don't see how you function off so little carbs.

On my last cut, I dropped to 200 carbs, 160 protein and about 30 fat for macros. I was exhausted by the end of the cut - though I did shed 30 lbs.

Right now, I'm 186 and have 4 more pounds to go to hit my target bulk. I still don't think I'll cut below 150 carbs.


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## treyvion

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Happy Birthday. :smthumbup:
> 
> I still don't see how you function off so little carbs.
> 
> On my last cut, I dropped to 200 carbs, 160 protein and about 30 fat for macros. I was exhausted by the end of the cut - though I did shed 30 lbs.
> 
> Right now, I'm 186 and have 4 more pounds to go to hit my target bulk. I still don't think I'll cut below 150 carbs.


I'm going to keep with it for this run. After it, I will be between 50-150 carbs. More than 150 carbs is excessive on me in particular.

Ended up yesterday at:

128 oz of pure water, some other drinks but water was 90%
245 protein
12 carbs
86 fats ( had a steak at the end )

30 minutes elliptical workout, didn't go back in.


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## treyvion

10/2/2014. tenth day of low carbbin it.

Currently at 96 oz water

140 protein
12 carbs
33 fats

Haven't worked out today.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> 10/2/2014. tenth day of low carbbin it.
> 
> Currently at 96 oz water
> 
> 140 protein
> 12 carbs
> 33 fats
> 
> Haven't worked out today.


Currently at 112 oz water, 24 oz soft drinks
244 protein
20 carbs
66 fats

40 g of the fats came from nuts.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Currently at 112 oz water, 24 oz soft drinks
> 244 protein
> 20 carbs
> 66 fats
> 
> 40 g of the fats came from nuts.


10/3/2014

Didn't workout yesterday. Diet was what I said it was, so that's good.

Currently at:
71.5 protein
23 carbs
16.5 fats


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## treyvion

10/5/2014 - did a 1 hrs walk in the morning. Didn't keep track of food, but didn't carb out...

10/6/2014 - currently at 

93 protein
19 carbs
16 fats.

Will end up somewhere around 220 protein, under 50 carbs, and 40-60 fats.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> 10/5/2014 - did a 1 hrs walk in the morning. Didn't keep track of food, but didn't carb out...
> 
> 10/6/2014 - currently at
> 
> 93 protein
> 19 carbs
> 16 fats.
> 
> Will end up somewhere around 220 protein, under 50 carbs, and 40-60 fats.


I blew my low carb streak, but back on it today. Ended up on 10/06/2014 as:

200 protein
215 carb
42 fats.

Workout was:

7 minutes elliptical
4 sets db bench press
4 sets iso incline bench press
vbar tricep pressdown
seated bench with cables
reverse tricep press downs
abs in chair, weighted 4 sets
abs with resisitance, kneeling in front of weight stack 4 sets

Not a beastly workout, but I got it in.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> I blew my low carb streak, but back on it today. Ended up on 10/06/2014 as:
> 
> 200 protein
> 215 carb
> 42 fats.
> 
> Workout was:
> 
> 7 minutes elliptical
> 4 sets db bench press
> 4 sets iso incline bench press
> vbar tricep pressdown
> seated bench with cables
> reverse tricep press downs
> abs in chair, weighted 4 sets
> abs with resisitance, kneeling in front of weight stack 4 sets
> 
> Not a beastly workout, but I got it in.


10/08/2014 -

Ended up

193 protein
19 carbs
24 fats

30 minutes of elliptical. Did not lift..


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> 10/08/2014 -
> 
> Ended up
> 
> 193 protein
> 19 carbs
> 24 fats
> 
> 30 minutes of elliptical. Did not lift..


Ended up on 10/13/2014:

141 G Protein
9 G carbs
45 G fats ( mostly nuts and eggs )

I work well when I get over 64 oz of actual water in me.

I did 30 minutes of tougher cardio which equated to about 610 calories.

I finally felt the kickin today, which is a higher level over depression and general euphoria. For some reason I thought I got knocked out of that feeling for ever.

My sex drive and horniness is up, and my skin and muscles are starting to look more like an active person again.

My strength numbers are around 90% of what it was 3 months ago, but I know most of that is just not having a tight enough mind at the moment, but it is getting stronger.


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## treyvion

10/14/2014:

Did 30 minutess of tough cardio this morning 610 calories

currently at:

193 protein
31 carbs
49 fats

Going back in for a shoulders workout, will do abs from various
angles too. Will possibly finish with more cardio.

Looking better, I see in 6-8 weeks I can be better than I was before.


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> 10/14/2014:
> 
> Did 30 minutess of tough cardio this morning 610 calories
> 
> currently at:
> 
> 193 protein
> 31 carbs
> 49 fats
> 
> Going back in for a shoulders workout, will do abs from various
> angles too. Will possibly finish with more cardio.
> 
> Looking better, I see in 6-8 weeks I can be better than I was before.



Did the following

30 mins cardio in the am
Evening:
7 mins cardio warmup
4 sets db military press
4 sets front raises
4 sets db rear delts
Reverse cable curls 4 sets
Laying leg raises 4 sets
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5

BTW, i'm currently at:

Bourbon: 4 oz
beer: 32 oz
wine: 8 oz
ice: as required


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## treyvion

murphy5 said:


> BTW, i'm currently at:
> 
> Bourbon: 4 oz
> beer: 32 oz
> wine: 8 oz
> ice: as required


Mixin it up really well.:smthumbup:


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## treyvion

10/17/2014

113 oz purified water among other fluids

245 g protein ( usually 200-250 for what I'm doing )
125 g carbs ( usually shoot for under 50 )
93 g fats ( usually shoot for under 70 )

Carbs and fats were raised by 84 and 44 respectively from a order of pizza hut traditional wings ( 8 spicy asian and 8 original hots ).

I think all the carbs are coming from the sauces since there is no breading.

Had a descent but not masterful workout

7 mins cardio
alternating leg raise 
db reverse lunge 4 sets
let ext, alternating legs 4 sets
seated leg curls
adductors
crunches
glute machine

Not perfect, but the zone is coming back. When I'm closer to my zone I feel better in my body and my vision is better. Skin, hair and attitude look better too. 

Going to keep going.

Looking in the mirror vs from when I was in shape, I'd say around 15 lbs has to still come off.

If I keep on the path I will have a body of a physique model, not necessarily a body builder, but it will be more than required.

For some reason I have the feeling to buy me a couple of outfits, and it feels like it has something to do with testosterone increase from working out. Thinking about me.


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## treyvion

Day 27.

About a week ago, I really noticed how my gym clothes where fitting me tighter than it was before, but i've been getting workouts in. Body is changing, not super fast, but pretty quick. So I'm getting more trim in the waist and hips, and more builk and meat in the arms, chest and back.

My confidence is gaining as time goes on.

Strength still not 100%, but today was a good back day that showed I was 90% of my best:

lat pulls 300x11 reps, 325x6 reps ( 4 total sets )
bent rows to 3 plates ( usually up to 375 for 6 ), but got 6 reps ( 4 total sets )
db curls 65,75,85,95lbs per hand. 85 around 8 reps, 95x5 repts
seated preachers 3 sets
chair weight abs 4 sets 20-30 reps each 80 to 120 lbs
slant board situp 1 set bodyweight, 3 sets one 45lb plate. 20+ reps

So I'm glad the numbers are coming up. I have to let out a roar to get back to my old power base. It's not done quietly.

Alot of it is psychology, I was getting "squished" by my lady and trying to be nice cause I love her. Somehow that was bleeding all my power like a piglet cut at the throat and blood drank.

I have been letting it go conan style in the weight room.

My goals on back:

bent rows 4 plates x 10 reps
dead lift 700 lbs
lat pulls 390lbs x 10 reps
db curls 105x10 will be enough ( i been up to 105's, not 10 reps tho )

I would like a stripped and carved ab rack that puts me in the physique model category. If the abs are stripped and carved the rest will be too.

I know in 2-3 weeks I will be at my old numbers.

I was too wussified to do squats to this point, but I've done lunges. And other leg shapers. Squats are really a manly move, it's good for you!


----------



## treyvion

Last nite was a pretty good workout. Shoulder strength also around 90%.

10 minutes elliptical
db military presses 4 sets to 105lbx10 in each hand ( 115lb when i'm stronger )
transverse abdominis machine 4 sets 20+ reps each set
front raises 45,55,65,65 lbs x 10
side raise machine 4 sets to 90% of stack
rear delts machine 4 sets to 70% of stack


----------



## treyvion

I did 30 minutes of cardio for 610 calories this AM. 

Diet was not on point, but it wasn't eating like a lumberjack either.

I may get a workout tonight.


----------



## treyvion

treyvion said:


> I did 30 minutes of cardio for 610 calories this AM.
> 
> Diet was not on point, but it wasn't eating like a lumberjack either.
> 
> I may get a workout tonight.


I did make it back in there. Leg workouts, i knew squats had always been a cureall and a mind expander so i got em in.

10 mins elliptical
Leg extensions single leg
Leg curl
Squat to 550lb ( realized that with more loading ill be back to 600+ for reps )
Leg adductor 
Inner thighs


Goalbtoday was to squat, over time will have more extensive leg workouts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion

Been doing my AM cardio 30 minutes of elliptical 610 calories. Diet is not spot on but not terrible either. Looking better, I have to tighten the diet down more and raise the excersize.


----------



## treyvion

Lost alot of steam. One of my guys wife insists that he presents very well, so she complained about his belly long enough and he finally stripped it off revealing detailed abs.

My thread is going to be about making that hot body, most of my ingredients are correct, I need the desire and stamina to push through in reaching my goals. I could have it by the end of the year if I can properly commit to diet, workout, rest and taking care of myself.


----------

