# Chumplady to the BS: Embrace the Chaos



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

I love this quote from the article BSs should meditate on this:

*"The difference is we have a choice — not to live without uncertainty — but to live without a cheater. THAT cheater. The one who cheated on us — not some abstract cheater in our futures. **** the Devil you know. The world isn’t all devils. Maybe there are more out there, maybe not. We don’t know. We’ll jump off that bridge when we come to it."*

Embrace the Chaos

June 21, 2016 by @chumplady

I remember once upon a time when my life was going to Hell, a friend wrote me a cheer up email and ended it with a quote from Bob Dylan — “I embrace the chaos.”

I laughed. When you’re in a free fall, you’re going to go splat on the pavement whether you “embrace” it, or not. Really, when life is ****, it feels more like chaos is trying to embrace YOU than the other way around. But I loved the quote. The lunacy and the hubris of it — Hey! Chaos! I not only accept you — I EMBRACE you! Bring it on!

There is a real peace that comes from understanding that you can’t control everything. As we say a lot here at Chump Lady — you only get to control you. And let’s face it, most of us aren’t even very good at that.

I’m a big believer in acceptance. Manage what we can, let go of the rest, and the wisdom to know the difference. So, I get rather puzzled when people criticize the site for being all “black and white” and intolerant of “uncertainty.” Sure, I believe there are some moral absolutes — “don’t commit adultery” comes to mind — I’ll cop to that. But I’m neither tolerant or intolerant of uncertainty. You may as well say I’m intolerant of gravity. Chaos is a force of nature. To live is to be uncertain — unless you’re Rand Paul or that Long Island psychic.

And chaos has an element of creativity as well (which is probably what Dylan meant). From the mess comes reinvention, recreation. I believe my life is a testament to that.

So to make living with “uncertainty” some sort of virtue, and to speak of it in New Age terms (to be Zenner than thou?) strikes me as weird. No, strike that, it strikes me as spackle. I think the argument goes something like this:

“My spouse cheated on me. I can’t know for certain if they will ever cheat on me again. So I accept that uncertainty. You angry, bitter folks over there — you think you have this figured out. That by leaving a cheater, you’re CERTAIN it will never happen again. You’re certain it’s wrong. You’re certain you know what to do if you’re cheated on. And you’re certain you can prevent it from happening again.” (To which, I wonder — hey, if we’re so certain about everything, why are we so angry? I mean, we control all outcomes, what is there to be pissed about?)

(read the rest here)


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## TrueToMe (Jun 6, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I love this quote from the article BSs should meditate on this:
> 
> *"...**** the Devil you know. The world isn’t all devils. Maybe there are more out there, maybe not. We don’t know..."*


Chaos indeed - I am now more sleepless trying to conceive of what my 'new' life needs to look like for me to maximize my dignity, than in facing up to realizations of my WW's EA/PA(s?)...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

cuckolderman said:


> Chaos indeed - I am now more sleepless trying to conceive of what my 'new' life needs to look like for me to maximize my dignity, than in facing up to realizations of my WW's EA/PA(s?)...


Infidelity is a serious bodyblow to the spirit...cheaters really don't fully fvcking get this they dont..for all their talk of empaty they will never fully get it...


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