# A tragic story!



## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

*"Affar"? between family members*

How are you everybody. I am the new member and I am very happy to be here since we are going to help each other to get through some of our darkest moments of our life.

I was seperated with my husbnd. My sister in law try to take sexual advantage of me right after first week I met him. This put me in a very difficult embarrassing position. If I refuse him, he helped me in a great deal in my career and life. I have not done anything to express my appreciation. On the other hand, I don't even know him and I don't like him act in this way. 

If I report to police. Nobody is going to believe me. Especially my sister will say you are the one who is seducing my husband because you are jealous at me. If police believe what I reported then it is going to be a disaster for my sister's family.

It is not a win win no matter what I do with such close family relationship. 

I need your advise if you were in my shoes what you would do. thank you


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

*Re: "Affar"? between family members*



suesue007 said:


> If I refuse him, he helped me in a great deal in my career and life. I have not done anything to express my appreciation.



Certainly, you don't have to allow him to use you sexually in order to express appreciation.

I don't think the police have any grounds upon which they can act. "Hitting on" someone isn't a crime unless it's in the workplace.

Best thing I could recommend is talk to your sister privately about his behavior. Just you and her.


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

In 1990, my brother-in-law try to take sexual advantage of me right after first week I met him. This put me in a very difficult embarrassing position. If I refuse him, he helped me in a great deal in my career and life. I have not done anything to express my appreciation. On the other hand, I don't even know him and I don't like him act in this way. 

I tried to avoid him but during a trip my sister found out we had physical contact, and he even asked me to married him. I rejected him because that is totally across moral bottom line, that is number one, second, I don’t like him nither the kind of relationship. Following years there are several times he tried again, I simply refused him. 

Till October 2013 my sister told me her husband is having affairs with multiple women, and even went on 5 days affair trip even when she found out and tried to ruin the trip. After he came back tearful saying that “never again”. Life went on as it never happened except to me. On a trip together with my cousin and my son she screamed and asked me to apologize to her due to a thing , an excuse. I know why so I did say sorry. But she kept screaming till I and my son had to leave hotel 2 AM to airport for the night.

She thought I am the first one to have affair with her husband then that caused her marrige. 

In recent years she and her husband tried to control my elderly father (90 years old) by control over the phone call between me and my dad. I can’t even visit my dad.
This January my dad was hospitalized and dying, I was called to visit him in CA.
My sister setup the final meeting to say bye, my dad finished one sentence then stopped breathing since his lung function is failure, he breathing totally depends on oxygen. My sister then asked my dad if he had anything to say to me ? My dad then started Do not do any ****ing bad thing. I was shocked that he never asks me anything about it and listening only one side of story. After he passed away, I was informed that my dad’s will is now giving all his saving to my sister, instead of 50/50 between me and my sister in previous will. She even use the "affair" to bad mouth my reputation, evenually made my dad changed will. My sister has been revenging me controlling every move of my elderly dad. She never seeing that I am also a victim Who suffered reputation and lost the love from both sister and father, and my brother-in-law is now try to divorce my sister and expecting a new life with another lady? I have to suffer this my whole life; my sister is living the life full of hatred. I am so sad and deeply in depression, my nightmare many times woke up in tears and screaming. I am also sad for her, she had to dealing with such cheating and shameless husband. And I have been silence with all the anger that my sister was throwing at me. I have so much to say with her and that is why I am here. thanks


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

*Re: "Affar"? between family members*

Thank you 
new post "A tragic story"


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: "Affar"? between family members*

What did he actually do?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

suesue007 said:


> In 1990, My sister in law try to take sexual advantage of me right after first week I met him.


You already lost me. A "sister in law" is either the sister of your husband or the wife of your brother. In both cases, a sister-in-law is a she. When you say "right after first week I met him", who is the "him"? Your sister-in-law? Your husband? Your brother?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

FalCod said:


> You already lost me. A "sister in law" is either the sister of your husband or the wife of your brother. In both cases, a sister-in-law is a she. When you say "right after first week I met him", who is the "him"? Your sister-in-law? Your husband? Your brother?


The incorrect but consistent use of sister-in-law used in conjunction with sister makes me think it is her brother-in-law. But...


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

Thanks for pointing ot the error.
I am sorry about the cofusion, the correcton is brother-in-law instead of sister in law.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I also am confused by your post. I will ask a few questions. 

So to be clear, we’re you a child when this intimate relationship with your brother in law happened?

Also, you say he had helped you a great deal in your career and your life, but then you also say he had only known you a week?

If you were not under 18 when it happened, then it’s pretty understandable why your relationship with your sister was ruined...you had an affair with her husband.


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

First, I am not having intimate relationship or the affair with him, it is him try to take advantage of me. I refused his sexual request, but have no choice when the only seat left for me to sit beside him during a long trip back to home. No wonder so many females do not report sexual abuse because they simply do not trust the society or upper management. When this kind of thing happened, it is better off saying nothing than speak for themselves, otherwise the result is that nobody will believe what you say, you ruin your own reputation. 


I was abroad while my sister and her husband live in USA.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

suesue007 said:


> First I am not having the affair with him, It is him try to tae advantage of me.
> I refused his sexual request, but have no choice when the only seat left for me to st besides...during a long trip back to home
> 
> I was aborad while my sister live in USA.


So... what exactly does take advantage of you mean? What can happen when sitting next to each other? What prevents you from not having contact with this person?


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

So you think that brother in law has no any guilt by doing things lke that?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

suesue007 said:


> So you think that brother in law has no any guilt by doing things lke that?


I would venture that he does not feel guilty as he continues to do it. Do you mean he has no culpability? Of course he does. That and $20 will get you a Starbucks, yah know?


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

Your questions sound like digging into the intimate details rather than giving out the positive opinion or help.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

suesue007 said:


> Your questions sound like digging into the intimate details rather than giving out the positive opinion or help.


This is because your story doesn't make sense. Did you or did you not have sex with your brother in law? What exactly happened? What does he do when he sits next to you?

You aren't going to get any help if you don't explain exactly what happened and what is now going on.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

" She never seeing that I am also a victim Who suffered reputation and lost the love from both sister and father, and my brother-in-law is now try to divorce my sister and expecting a new life with another lady? I have to suffer this my whole life; my sister is living the life full of hatred. I am so sad and deeply in depression, my nightmare many times woke up in tears and screaming. I am also sad for her, she had to dealing with such cheating and shameless husband. And I have been silence with all the anger that my sister was throwing at me. I have so much to say with her and that is why I am here. thanks"

Sue, I hate to say this, but without your sister being willing to talk about this, and being SO vindictive as to poison your Dad towards you before he died, I don't think you have any chance with her.
The only realistic thing to do is cut her out of your life. You DO NOT need all the negative BS she is feeding you. YOU cannot fix her, and you should ALSO not put up with her BS. If someone says that she told them you slept with her husband, just correct the story. No more, no less. They are going to believe who they want to anyway.
I just don't see any way around giving up any sort of relationship with her if she won't communicate.

The only other thing is that you should see a lawyer about contesting the will....


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

suesue007 said:


> Your questions sound like digging into the intimate details rather than giving out the positive opinion or help.


Ok. Well I felt it was relevant to form decent advice. If he is assaulting you, and you have to beat him off with a meat cleaver, I would say call the police! If he is patting you on the knee and calling you honey, avoid him. But all of this can be left in the dust if you just don't have anything to do with him. But that is not always achievable. So I asked.


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

Thanks for the advice. I realy appreciated. 


The reason for me make bring that up is wishing someday if she could read this and making her feel better. We are sisters no matter what.
Anyway it is too painful to think bout this anymore.You are right. let it go


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: "Affar"? between family members*



suesue007 said:


> How are you everybody. I am the new member and I am very happy to be here since we are going to help each other to get through some of our darkest moments of our life.
> 
> I was seperated with my husbnd. My sister in law try to take sexual advantage of me right after first week I met him. This put me in a very difficult embarrassing position. If I refuse him, he helped me in a great deal in my career and life. I have not done anything to express my appreciation. On the other hand, I don't even know him and I don't like him act in this way.
> 
> ...


Did you mean brother in law?

He can't be allowed to act like this.

Call in the law.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

See a lawyer who specialises in wills.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Should have told your sister and your family the first time it happened. Never trust the good graces of a POS expose them as such.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> See a lawyer who specialises in wills.


Yep!

If there is anything in your dad's estate worth fighting over, contest the will.

Can you get a copy of the original one? 

As for your relationship with your sister...well, sadly, it probably won't get better until she ****cans her POS husband.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@suesue007 I have merged your threads.


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

Did you mean the copy of the will?
I requested to see it but no luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

suesue007 said:


> Did you mean the copy of the will?
> I requested to see it but no luck.


This is why you must see a lawyer who specialises in wills and estates law.


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> " She never seeing that I am also a victim Who suffered reputation and lost the love from both sister and father, and my brother-in-law is now try to divorce my sister and expecting a new life with another lady? I have to suffer this my whole life; my sister is living the life full of hatred. I am so sad and deeply in depression, my nightmare many times woke up in tears and screaming. I am also sad for her, she had to dealing with such cheating and shameless husband. And I have been silence with all the anger that my sister was throwing at me. I have so much to say with her and that is why I am here. thanks"
> 
> Sue, I hate to say this, but without your sister being willing to talk about this, and being SO vindictive as to poison your Dad towards you before he died, I don't think you have any chance with her.
> The only realistic thing to do is cut her out of your life. You DO NOT need all the negative BS she is feeding you. YOU cannot fix her, and you should ALSO not put up with her BS. If someone says that she told them you slept with her husband, just correct the story. No more, no less. They are going to believe who they want to anyway.
> ...


I thank you very much for your advice.


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## suesue007 (Mar 11, 2019)

right now, my brother-in-law asking for divorce with my sister and I am sure he found another woman 
after he slept with all kinds of women whether just for short term enjoy or not, I guess. 

My sister revenged and throw all the hatred to me I think since She got no chance and it is difficult to do that to any other women.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

suesue007 said:


> right now, my brother-in-law asking for divorce with my sister and I am sure he found another woman
> after he slept with all kinds of women whether just for short term enjoy or not, I guess.
> 
> My sister revenged and throw all the hatred to me I think since She got no chance and it is difficult to do that to any other women.


You might want to see a therapist as well. ASAP.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"I refused his sexual request, but have no choice when the only seat left for me to sit beside him during a long trip back to home. No wonder so many females do not report sexual abuse because they simply do not trust the society or upper management. When this kind of thing happened, it is better off saying nothing than speak for themselves, otherwise the result is that nobody will believe what you say, you ruin your own reputation. "

Sue, what exactly DID he do to you? if you didn't have sex with him, and then you had to sit next to him on a long ride, what EXACTLY happened? If this was against your will you should have had him brought up on charges. Doesn't matter how "much he helped you".
You should tell your sister EXACTLY what happened and if she doesn't believe you, tell her you will have a polygraph.


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