# Attitude Is Everything



## bubbly girl

I posted this years ago in the ladies lounge, but wanted to bring it back from the dead here in the Success In Marriage section since it's something I believe helped my marriage.

Just wanted to share something that I've learned. Ladies, we are hardest on ourselves when it comes to appearance and I've learned that a great attitude trumps a perfect body or face any day.

-Ladies, when your husband compliments you, please accept it. My husband told me a while back that my weight gain did not turn him off, but always putting myself down, and not believing him when he gave me a compliment was a HUGE turnoff. 

I had lost about 40 lbs. and I would still not be happy because I wanted to lose more. My husband would get so frustrated by this and told me I should be proud of my accomplishment.

I've never been obese, but I'm still a bit overweight (and medication that I'm on is making it harder to lose), but I feel very comfortable with my body. I've learned to accept my husband's compliments and believe that he really does find me sexy. Yes, as I've aged, my breasts droop more, but I believe my husband when he carries on about how much he loves them. Our favorite sexual position is me on top, where he can get a good view and admire my body and I, his. Sex is so much better when you allow your husband to admire and enjoy your body and are confident in letting him.

-A nice personality goes a long way. Who wants to spend thier time with someone who's a pill? I know I'm pretty, but I'm certainly not the prettiest. My body is not a 10. I totally believe what makes me most attractive is my smile. I've come to think of it as my signature. I can't tell you how many customers at work comment that I'm always smiling. Not a phony smile, but a true smile that comes from within. It's so natural I don't realize I'm doing it. I've even bumped into people that I haven't seen in about 15 years and was told that they recognized who I was as soon as I smiled. 

Just some observations I've made that have helped me in making my marriage better, and wanted to share.

ETA: Being confident with yourself and how you look doesn't mean let yourself go and look like a slob and expect your spouse to desire you as he once did. Keep yourself as nice as you can for your spouse, but don't beat yourself up for not looking like a 19 yr. old forever or not looking "perfect" whatever that means.


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## shy_guy

Well, I certainly like your attitude on it.


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## Shooboomafoo

OHHHHH the weight gain, weight loss, weight gain... Thing is, my intentions were to remain with her until death did us part.
I spent hours barbequing various "proteins" for the protein diet,,, I stood guard with doors open, attempting to relieve the house of the stench of the red cabbage soup diet.
I supported her, told her I loved her, made advances as my interest was still very much there in her.

It was all about attitude. A complete stone wall of an attitude. Face buried in Facebook for hours on end. Going out, face buried in cell phone. When my requests to discuss and talk about the problem our marriage had with a lack of affection or sexual relations, I was always given the "its not you, blah blah blah..."

Then she picked an ex out of FB and decided to upheave..

I feel like I wasted so much.. I wish it would have been someone worthy of it..


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## Zookeepertomany

I agree it's all about the attitude.
My husband says he would rather have a chubby freak in the bed than a skinny wet noodle. So I'm a chubby freak in the bed and embrace it. I work on the weight and it is coming off or it won't. Not going to beat myself up over it. Some things I can't do much about that is the beauty of aging.


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## shy_guy

Shooboomafoo said:


> OHHHHH the weight gain, weight loss, weight gain... Thing is, my intentions were to remain with her until death did us part.
> I spent hours barbequing various "proteins" for the protein diet,,, I stood guard with doors open, attempting to relieve the house of the stench of the red cabbage soup diet.
> I supported her, told her I loved her, made advances as my interest was still very much there in her.
> 
> It was all about attitude. A complete stone wall of an attitude. Face buried in Facebook for hours on end. Going out, face buried in cell phone. When my requests to discuss and talk about the problem our marriage had with a lack of affection or sexual relations, I was always given the "its not you, blah blah blah..."
> 
> Then she picked an ex out of FB and decided to upheave..
> 
> I feel like I wasted so much.. I wish it would have been someone worthy of it..


 
I posted an observation on Facebook a while back while I was out shopping with my wife. We were in an absolutely gorgous outdoor mall in Washington, the weatehr was beautiful, my wife was happy, and I just went outside to sit on the bench and enjoy the weather for a few minutes while giving my wife a few minutes without me following her like a puppy through every article of clothing she was looking at in this particular store.

I noticed that about half the couples I saw either walked with linked arms, or holding hands. My wife and I do that almost always so it interested me to see other people do that. But with about half of the people walking like this, it seemed to be so that the female partner could use the male partner as a guide dog of sorts - it just seemed to keep her from running into something while she was texting or posting to Facebook, or doing something on her cell phone - almost completely oblivious to her partner. 

This was such a beautiful place, the weather out was so pleasant, with the right attitude, there was so much to enjoy about being there that day, but that many people seemed to be interested in something somewhere else, and not paying attention to the person they could enjoy ... 

I mused that the smart phone has changed the way we interact with each other, and not all of that is good. I also noted it because I can sometimes get a little too into the phone. I actually don't like the smart phone. It has nothing to do with the brand, and everything to do with the way I feel pulled to it and feel the need to talk to someone far away during times when there is everything to enjoy with someone I love. In fact, sometimes, these days, if we go out, I'll give my phone to my wife, or else turn it off (it's too big of a hassle to turn it on - that's enough to take away the temptation). If she wants a little more time in a store than is comfortable for both of us, then I might ask for the phone if I go down to a coffee shop, or off to another store - that way we can contact each other, but for the most part, if I'm just out with my wife, I don't want my phone there at all. I just don't want the temptation of burying my nose in it and missing the good times where I am.


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