# Flirting



## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

Just a general question. What are your views on flirting. Not sexting or taking it too far but smiling at a cute stranger or maybe flirting a bit with the bartender if you are at the bar with friends. Sometimes I think it can help a relationship as long as it doesn't go too far. We are only human. I also had this discussion with my wife and I think that sometimes a guy may flirt with a girl with no bad intentions just to see if he's still "got it". A woman doesn't need to really do that bc if she's still "got it" guys will most likely approach and flirt with her. Just thinking out loud, appreciate your thoughts!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> Not sexting or taking it too far but smiling at a cute stranger or maybe flirting a bit with the bartender if you are at the bar with friends.


It depends on the couple. If I was married to a man whose jealousy was easily triggered, I wouldn't dare flirt - with a bartender or any other man. 

That being said, my current husband was the antithesis of jealousy. I probably could have f^ucked the entire 82nd Infantry Brigade, and he wouldn't have noticed. No, I NEVER cheated on my husband, nor did I flirt.

However, I am not, by nature, a "flirty girl." Flirting with a bartender? Heck, they do it with their customers to assure a good tip. Harmless flirting is just that ... harmless. But it is a matter of degree. Is she just doing some innocent verbal jousting, or is she letting her taa-taa's hang out a little bit when she leans over to sip that Margarita from a straw?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm a flirty person occasionally. I know where to draw the line though and that is hugely important. No texting,no emailing,nothing beyond giving a smile and maybe a compliment on someone's outfit or whatever. I've never cheated on anyone emotionally or physically. I think mild flirtation is healthy with proper boundaries. You never flirt with the same person twice either!! It's a fine line between being nice,being flirty,and being a cheating wh*re
And for heavens sake,dont do it with people you know. Don't do it w your spouses friends or coworkers either! And don't do it when your spouse/SO is there. 

Ideally,you should flirt with your partner as often as possible;-) that kind of flirting is open for all things...sexting,naughty emails,anything you want
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I believe it shows insecurity on the part of the person doing the flirting, and is a huge turn off. I don't want a man who needs to flirt with others to prove to himself he4 still has 'it'. I want a man with confidence and who would much rather flirt with me and ensure a great sexual connetion within our marriage.

I think it's disrespectful. If you wouldn't want your wife doing it then I wouldn't do it if I was you.

Moreover it is creating temtptatation, when married people should be staying well clear of that. That's just the wise thing to do.

Sounds like you still need validation a bit like a teenage boy.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. It depends on the people involved and their comfort levels. Personally, I am not a flirty person. I am generally shy and keep to myself. I have been with men who do flirt in front of me and with those who don't. I have to say that I am more comfortable with those that don't but I realize that it is just my own insecurities talking.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Dosent bother me if husband flirts. I make sure I flirt with him as often as I see him. 

I flirt constantly. So. I don't except phone numbers. I don't give mine out either. 

And it's hands off. 

I don't go out of my way to talk to someone. I'm just a nice talkative person. 

I flirt and am always groping my husband at home or in line or just hanging out outside or sleeping or at his job. 

I guess everyone just has different boundaries on this topic. 

My husband and I don't care. We are always together. We share the same phone. 

We have one computer. One car. We know all the same people. We have passwords for everything. 

Also we are fvcked up individuals. For him it's a game to see how many guys fall all over them selves to help me. 

Often I'm bait when we need help in best buy....those guys disappear so fast. So it's my job to walk around looking lost and confused. 

Then bring them over to my husband. I usually walk away. 

But different strokes for different folks. We are just very open with communication.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I'm against it. I don't see why I should flirt or why my husband should flirt when we are married. We should only have eyes for each other as far as I'm concerned. That's just the way I feel.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

flirting is a beginning step of infedility!!!!
has to be. if you think about it, people flirt, they enjoy it, then they get to know one another and BA BOOM!!!! there it is.

no no no! thats a special part of you that you are giving to someone other than your lover.....tsk. tsk.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I don't know...
This is one of those " grey areas " in some relationships.
Some people tell me that I'm a natural flirt.
My wife is neither here nor there with it. When my wife and I are together,there is no " flirting." All my attention goes to her.
Sometimes women who I normally come into contact with everyday [ Laundry , Supermarket , Bank etc.] often tell me that when my wife is around,she " has me on a leash " , because I have no time to chat with them.
I naturally like meeting people. So if I'm in a line at the bank and a man is in front of me ,I naturally strike up a conversation,we share jokes or whatever and we laugh to pass the time. Now that's not flirting , because its a man.
If its a woman,then some may consider it flirting and thus taboo.

There is no easy answer to this question IMO.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

I'm a natural flirt. I work for a doctor, and regularly flirt with the 90 year old men who walk through the door...lol

I do it without knowing it, and my husband isn't a jealous person.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

It's a shaded grey area. Some don't like it won't do it some don't care. 

I guess it just depends on the person and the spouse and boundaries. 

Mayhap a difference in flirting and coming on to someone???

Coming on to someone is not ok. What is the definition of flirting???

Smiling 
Winking 
Hugging (a certain kind of hug?)
Holding open a door 
Saying thank you
Helping someone hull something heavy to their car
Talking nice to someone
Asking how their day is going
Asking about their family
Noticing they have new glasses, or hair color
Telling a guy his tie is nice/a chick her shoes are cute
Without starring dreamy-telling someone they have beautiful/unique eye color
Saying have a great day/nite/weekend

Is all this fine. Is it not ok with suggestive body language...no. Not to me. 

But a normal conversation with another person of the opposite sex, what and how do you avoid being flirtatious??

You can't control how someone else perceives you in every day. I just say I'm a flirt because I assumed I was. 

I don't know how I look to an outsider. I can only see with my eyes. 

To me I'm confident, I dress nice, I have awesome shoes, I get/give a lot of complements. I always say please and thank you. I love my husband and have great sex with him. 

I'm silly and genuine. I can only be me. 

On the flip side I like game stop and comic book stores. It's nice to talk to people who are KNOWLY only interested in my brain. 

The manga isle is 50/50. 

I just think we are all different with different views. 

If you are not ok with your spouse flirting than that's just your N.N.U.T.S. Nothing wrong with that. 

We all have them. We have them too. We always talk about it and see where the other ones head is at.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

very informative post PandaKiss!!!


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

No I don't flirt with other men. And I wouldn't tolerate it from my SO either.

I don't need any other attention than my man's. Besides, why would I want to flirt with other men and give them hope? Make them think they have a shot when they don't? I don't enjoy rejecting men, so I don't see why I would want to create the opportunity for them to make a move. That in itself is disrespectful to my SO.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

bkaydezz said:


> very informative post PandaKiss!!!


Thank you...


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I have a hard time telling when someone is flirting and when not. The same goes with myself. People tell me I'm naturally flirty so I can't tell when I'm flirting and when not. 
But I know when you're in a relationship and something crosses the line, that's what I don't like. I think people in a relationship should generally be careful and not hurt their SO's feelings. To me, flirting with other people while in a relationship is wrong.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I belong in the camp in which I believe that flirting is the gentle way to get through the day, a funny turn of phrase; a small compliment no matter how preposterous in reality.

But I do sympathise, some people are clumsy with it and believe that flirting is only about raising sexual tension and so forth. And then some people expect too much and 

oh dear, I don't want my partner suddenly thinking that he led another woman on --with his words only, of course -- and therefore he owes her something......

oh dear, I'm exhausted just typing this.

What was the question?


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I naturally like meeting people. So if I'm in a line at the bank and a man is in front of me ,I naturally strike up a conversation,we share jokes or whatever and we laugh to pass the time. Now that's not flirting , because its a man.
> If its a woman,then some may consider it flirting and thus taboo.
> 
> There is no easy answer to this question IMO.


See now even though I am sort of shy with men I do this type of stuff all of the time, with both sexes. Do people consider that flirting?

And come to think of it, when I would do that in front of my stbxh, he would jokingly say "you flirt" or "you ****!". I always thought he was just being silly and I never thought of it as flirting, just talking to another person.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> Holding open a door
> Saying thank you
> Helping someone hull something heavy to their car
> 
> ...


I don't consider any of these a flirt. I think they are just part of someone who is well-mannered, but not necessary flirty.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Grey area... My wife flirts from time to time, it didn’t bother me in the past... but then found her cheating on me, so it bothers me now more than it used to, but can deal with it; I feel secure in our marriage now. I can understand how she just sort of wants to feel wanted (interesting, attractive, insightful, or whatever); Nothing wrong with that and I acknowledge I alone can’t provide this ‘how do I fit in the herd?’ type thing. 

And I was the opposite. Uncomfortable as hell flirting. The story I sold myself was ‘faithful’, ‘dedicated’, ‘scared of my wife’s jealousy’, ‘didn’t want to mislead’ and that ‘flirting is a stepping stone to adultery’. As I worked on myself I discovered those were just justifications I used so I wouldn’t have to deal with that lack of confidence when talking to strangers; particularly of the opposite sex. I’m introverted. So, I decided to work on this for myself. Now I flirt to help rebuild self-confidence and figure out how “I fit into the herd”..


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am all for flirting, I have no problem if Mr H flirts or is flirted with and same applies for me. I tend to attract men (something to do with my gorgeous smile apparently) and get flirted with a lot. 

It is simple fun, Mr H and I love each other, we are loyal and enjoy a great life together. Neither of us is uptight about this sort of thing but we both know what the boundaries are and have no intention of crossing them. You are a long time dead and I would feel suffocated if I had to be concerned about looking or chatting to other men, I also have no desire to stop my partner from being a living, breathing human being.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

If your the type that can back away if things start going too far I guess mild flirting wouldn't hurt anything. There are those like my husband that won't stop with flirting and will have an affair. If your that type that has crossed that line better not be flirting with anyone ever.

If you are a spouse that flirts and your spouse knows it, don't get mad if they do the same. I have problems with double standards.


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

What about using sweetie and darling in coversations with members of the opposite sex other than your spouse?

Is that considered flirting?

The reason why I am asking is this...

My husband does this when he is talking to others to let them know that he cares about them as a person.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

If you do it without knowing it, that is not flirting. It is your friendly personality. Many friendly people appear flirty, but if the SO knows them well enough, they won't feel threatened if it is genuine friendliness. Confidence is attractive.

Blatant true flirting is intentional and stems from insecurity, which will only attract attention from other insecure people. Birds of a feather...


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

spunkycat08 said:


> What about using sweetie and darling in coversations with members of the opposite sex other than your spouse?
> 
> Is that considered flirting?
> 
> ...


My opinion - no - if the words are his ingrained vocabulary. I know several people like this and body language combined with the context of the rest of the dialogue shows if it is real flirting or not.


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