# Men's Midlife crisis???



## cami (Jun 13, 2010)

Hi all, 

I have posted my story on the other pages. But, I keep getting suggestions here and at MB about a possible midlife crisis in my hubby though he doesn't admit that and I just don't know anymore. It has brought it into my mind.

Anyway, my question is: What is a mid-life crisis? :scratchhead: What do men do during that time? Is it something that can be "ridden out" so to speak or is it something I have to live with forever? Could this possibly be what I am experiencing now with my hubby??

Can someone please explain and maybe visit my other thread and offer advice too. I'm just so scared and I am so lonely. 

Thanks


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

After reading your last entry to your other thread, I see I was probably wrong about him doing this to get your attention. It appears to me now he seriously wants out of the marriage. I feel that for a few reasons.

One is that he told you how long it would that he would be able to afford filing for divorce. I immediately had to wonder why anyone thinks it takes a whole year for them to afford to file. It tells me he has checked into it, probably talked with some attorneys, and he knows how much it will cost. Therefore, he knows how long it will take him to come up with the amount of money.

Another reason is he is careful not give you hope, while at the same time keeping his options open. In other words, he has you dangling from a string and he plans to keep you that way. You keep hanging on to his every word and trying to figure him out. You keep looking for some hope in his every word. You are open to whatever he wants and whatever he wants the relationship to be. He is fully aware of all of this and is deliberately causing you all this confusion. He does not want to be married anymore but surely wants benefits from however he decides to define the relationship.

And finally, if he wanted to be married he would bring his arse home. He keeps talking with you about the relationship (while keeping his options open), but if he were serious about working on the *marital relationship* there is nothing to make him think it is best to do that from afar. At home is the best place for that to happen. How could your marriage become better, stronger, more loving, etc. if you are not together to work on it to become better, stronger, more loving, etc.? He has you over a barrel and you are falling for every bit of it.

If he wanted to the marriage he would say he wants the marriage. But he doesn't say that. He simply wants to see if something better comes along. The only thing I can see you able to do at this point is to continue working on yourself to make a better you. In that process, I hope you will find self-esteem which will give you enough courage to quit acting like his puppy dog and finally put a stop to his manipulation. So again, I suggest option #3 that I proposed before:

3. Stop being so desperate and turn the tables on him. Tell him to come home or you will file for divorce. Let him know he can trust you to keep your promises and you will do better. Tell him you love him and want him, but you refuse to go through this anymore.

To answer your question about midlife crisis, here are a bunch of resources to explain........

Google search #1
Google search #2


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

Sometimes men struggle in mid-life as they are faced with the passing of their youth. It impacts some more than others but in cases where they don't seem to be navigating the change well, they may act out in ways to desperately hold onto it. 

Yes, it can pass and usually does. He may just need a little positive affirmation from you.

Advice: Soothe your hubby by reaffirming how much you love him and find him sexy regardless of his belly - or whatever. Make light of it, be playful. Perhaps you can talk about growing old together. Reframe his situation - and know that it is sort of a grieving process for some men and may take some time.


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