# questions about dividing assets and such



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

I am going through what has become a 'messy divorce'. Here are a few facts to sum up my situation. My stbxh and I were married 6 years, we both had adult children from previous marriages. I filed for divorce several months ago. Many reasons for filing but most of all because of his cruelty to others, not keeping or trying to work, negative attitude but also because he lied to me about the amount of dedt he owed. In six years we have paid almost $30,000 in dedts he owed from years before we were married, most of it to IRS. 

In September (after he had moved out) he arrived unannounced to talk. He attacked me and threatened to kill me during 3 hour time frame. I called 911 after he left and I moved in with friends that night/early morning. I continue to live with these very understanding and supportive friends. I have a protection from abuse order against him so we do not communicate at all, everything is through our attorneys. 

I had another thread and didn't get any answers so at the suggestion of another member I have started this new thread. I hope to hear from others. 

1. My attorney sent his a suggested settlement a month ago. I expected a counter offer before the court date later this month. Aparently his attorney likes to have a meeting face to face where we go through the list of assets and property one by one with the attorneys present. Does anyone have experience in either process and have pros & cons or advice? My attorney said their firm doesn't usually do things that way. 

2. I received a letter yesterday from my husbands attorney asking for documentation of some accounts and some things on the inventory list. One of the things I didn't list was some gift cards my co-workers gave me for working hard on some projects. Now his attorney is asking that I include these and the value. My question is: do I have to include gifts to me? They weren't much just a total of $150 (very generous gift but in the scheme of things on the inventory list not a big amount).

thanks


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## Galt (Dec 30, 2011)

coffee shop said:


> . Many reasons for filing but most of all because of his cruelty to others, not keeping or trying to work, negative attitude but also because he lied to me about the amount of dedt he owed. In six years we have paid almost $30,000 in dedts he owed from years before we were married, most of it to IRS.


*If you paid his separate debts, with your own separate assets, the assets used to do so became a gift to him.* 


coffee shop said:


> . 1. My attorney sent his a suggested settlement a month ago. I expected a counter offer before the court date later this month. Aparently his attorney likes to have a meeting face to face where we go through the list of assets and property one by one with the attorneys present. Does anyone have experience in either process and have pros & cons or advice? My attorney said their firm doesn't usually do things that way.
> 
> 2. I received a letter yesterday from my husbands attorney asking for documentation of some accounts and some things on the inventory list. One of the things I didn't list was some gift cards my co-workers gave me for working hard on some projects. Now his attorney is asking that I include these and the value. My question is: do I have to include gifts to me? They weren't much just a total of $150 (very generous gift but in the scheme of things on the inventory list not a big amount).


*My first reaction to your post is to say that you should both fire these shysters and work out a settlement between yourselves. It seems to me that you are both too mature to be sucked in by the anger and greed that seems to reign when lawyers are called into a marital breakup. 

I would only ask him for some consideration for anything, of financial value, that I actually contributed to the marriage and which was not netted out by his own contribution. I realize that there are no records to answer many such questions, but that is what negotiations are for. I would then check with an attorney, after you have both come to an agreement, for his opinion as to whether a court in your state would have any problem accepting such an agreement and abiding by it in issuing a divorce decree.*


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Either he hasn't been honest with his attorney or else they're up to something more than accounting for gift cards. 

If you have a protection order in place, a face-to-face meeting of any kind will nullify it in many cases. I'd check with the details with your attorney, but regardless, there's really no point in sitting in a room to "negotiate" with someone who wants to kill you and has assaulted you to prove that fact.

I also wouldn't respond to any of the financial or other inquiries without the advice of your attorney, especially if it's becoming clear that he and his attorney are starting these kinds of games.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Ok first, his attorney should NEVER contact you directly if you have your own attorney. All communication should be between the attorneys. 

Am I correct that you hav e separate attornies? If so, forward any communication to your attorney and do not answer or speak to his attorney at all without your attorney present. 

I don't know the laws of your state. Some are community property, some are equitable distribution, etc. It all depends on the state. 

But, I reiterate, do not speak to his attorney. Let your attorney do it all. 


T
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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