# So I have been played



## dadari83 (Aug 7, 2017)

In a previous post I was asking advice on this guy I had a casual relationship with... we didnt have sex after that one time but we did have dates and long chats on whatsapp, the last week the messaging hasnt been full on, and I asked him what was wrong, he said everyhthing was fine. Then, today I went by his flat to leave him an USB he had lend me and the concierge told me the guy was unavailable cause his girlfriend was there.... HIS GIRLFRIEND. 
I am not upset cause i have feelings for him, cause I really dont. I am upset cause unbeknown to me he made me his mistress. 
And now I dont know what to do. Should I just ignore him completely? Or should I text him this: ¨You have a gf, and I am not interested in being the side piece; I get now why you pulled back, what I dont get it why werent you direct with me. Flirting and having sex with someone who is taken was never in my plans, and for you to put me in this position unbeknown to me! I get at the beginning, but after we got to know eachother you should have laid out the truth and given me the right to decide if I wanted or not this situation¨

I really thought men of a certain age would be more mature than this... how wrong I was.... 

So should i just keep quiet or give him my two cents? 

Thanks in advance for your replies


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I wouldn't send him anything like that, I'd ignore him and move on. I'd block his phone number so he can't reach you and you end up tempted to get back into it with him again. I'm sure he'll figure it out.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Find out who his girlfriend is and let her know what he did.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

happy as a clam said:


> Find out who his girlfriend is and let her know what he did.


This. Don't let someone else get played.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Find out who his girlfriend is and let her know what he did.


My guess is that he would paint OP in a very unflattering light with some absurd explanation. His girlfriend would believe him, or forgive him depending on how it played out. OP gains nothing except more frustration.

Just my opinion, but I'd say life's too short to waste even another minute on him. Flush the toilet and get on with your life.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This is typical.

One hand in the till stealing cash out of the slot., the other hand taking in cash from a regular customer. 

My question:

Was the {one time} sex with him good? If yes, you got something out of it.

If no, then let his GF know about his shenanigans. No, don't. 

Yeah right ;-{
.........................................................................................................

We are all hungry. 

Problem:

Some people eat off someone Else's plate when they are not.......looking....

All he had to do was mention [from the start] that he is dating someone else. That it is not serious at HIS end.

You could have then assessed the situation from a better vantage point. Intimacy wise.
Forget about him.

Why be petty? 

Make sure these lying dogs and dudes wear condoms.

Just Sayin'


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Find out who his girlfriend is and let her know what he did.


That is something I would do and feel really good about it. I don't care what any other party does about it (meaning the gf or him). Just letting it out and voicing it is enough for me. Then I would block and disappear from this loser's life and not give him or her a second thought after that. 

Hopefully you used protection when you were with him. Age is irrelevant when you are dating. Jerks are alive and thriving even at 80!


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I'm all for advocating telling the gf and outing his cheating a** but you've caught feelings for him and at this point all you'll get is more drama and bs from him.

Ghost him, block his number and do not reply if he writes.

Move on before this gets even messier.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

dadari83 said:


> In a previous post I was asking advice on this guy I had a casual relationship with... we didnt have sex after that one time but we did have dates and long chats on whatsapp, the last week the messaging hasnt been full on, and I asked him what was wrong, he said everyhthing was fine. Then, today I went by his flat to leave him an USB he had lend me and the concierge told me the guy was unavailable cause his girlfriend was there.... HIS GIRLFRIEND.
> I am not upset cause i have feelings for him, cause I really dont. I am upset cause unbeknown to me he made me his mistress.
> And now I dont know what to do. Should I just ignore him completely? Or should I text him this: ¨You have a gf, and I am not interested in being the side piece; I get now why you pulled back, what I dont get it why werent you direct with me. Flirting and having sex with someone who is taken was never in my plans, and for you to put me in this position unbeknown to me! I get at the beginning, but after we got to know eachother you should have laid out the truth and given me the right to decide if I wanted or not this situation¨
> 
> ...


I would confirm that he in fact has a girlfriend. Unless he runs all his relationships by his doorman this may be a female friend he assumes is more than that.

If you do confirm just press on. Not just guys do this as I have unknowingly and unwillingly became the OM. Lots of players of both genders


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Let the GF know. He's likely playing with many. Other than that, bail out and No Contact with him for any reason. 

If you ever run into him, whatever he says - ignore. Just say **** you and walk. If he chases call the police. No games.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

What door man gives out those details unless privileged to do so.

Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> That is something I would do and feel really good about it. I don't care what any other party does about it (meaning the gf or him). Just letting it out and voicing it is enough for me. Then I would block and disappear from this loser's life and not give him or her a second thought after that.
> 
> Hopefully you used protection when you were with him. Age is irrelevant when you are dating. Jerks are alive and thriving even at 80!


Maybe your son-in-law too...


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I've been through a similar experience. I left my H two years ago when he began to become physically violent towards me - before that I had endured verbal violence on a regular basis, probably due to his alcoholism. While my marriage was falling apart, a male friend of mine was suffering a similar situation and after I left my H, this guy became quite a good support. For the first 18 months the relationship was an emotional friendship, with me giving most of the support to this guy who seemed less able to cope with misery and misfortune than I. Eventually, the guy persuaded me to go to bed with him and we had a 6 month physical relationship that he wanted to keep casual (his wife had left long before our relationship became physical). I felt that this was right for both of us, I thought it would be crazy to rush into a new full-on relationship too soon after both our marriages had ended. However, we spent most of our time together, became very close emotionally, understood each other and had (I believed) a very close and real friendship. Then about 4 months ago, the guy turned up at my house to tell me he had started an affair with a woman (who was married and already having an affair with another man!). He told me how important I was to him, how much our friendship meant to him, but that there were a lot of problems being caused by the woman's husband and her boyfriend and that he needed me not to be involved in this crazy situation that he and this woman had become caught up in. He kissed me goodbye as he left, insisting that I was his best friend and I haven't seen him since! I feel disappointed, let down, played, conned, etc. However, my dignity will not allow me to take things any further - there is no way I would get in touch with him to tell him how I feel, I would not discuss this with anybody in our social circles. In fact, I've dropped out of the social circles entirely, mostly out of embarrassment at being humiliated in this way and now rarely go out, spend most of my time alone and go for weeks at a time without having a conversation with anybody.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> That is something I would do and feel really good about it. I don't care what any other party does about it (meaning the gf or him). Just letting it out and voicing it is enough for me. Then I would block and disappear from this loser's life and not give him or her a second thought after that.
> 
> Hopefully you used protection when you were with him. Age is irrelevant when you are dating. Jerks are alive and thriving *even at 80!*


Don't start the age-bias thing.

Old guys rule.

Uh, what do we rule again?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

dadari83 said:


> I really thought men *of a certain age* would be more mature than this... how wrong I was....


Here's the thing......

You want a man capable.
You want a man able to do it.
You want a man able to get it up and go..put it in.
You want a man who loves to get intimate with you.

That man needs to be capable, needs to be able, needs to love getting it on, putting it in.

Those qualities in a man are a must.

Those same qualities are the things needed for a horn dog to roam. To roam and chase down cars. Cars with ladies in them.

We know the why's.

The Little head rules the Big head.

Methinks.....some like-minded Electrician wired those head 'thingys' backwards on 'poi-pus' !

Just Sayin'


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Live and learn. Next time be more careful. Exposing him? To who? Why spend time trying to find out who the OW is? How are you going to do that? Waste more time sleuthing around? Just forget it and move on.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

What will you lose if you text him? Nothing
I say go for it. Text him. You will feel better.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You had a "casual" relationship with a guy and had sex with him. You find out he has a girlfriend. What's your beef? He didn't promise you a relationship. It was casual for him as well, apparently. 
I'm kind of surprised that you have sex with the guy and talk to him a little via texting and such, and suddenly you feel you have a right to some kind of exclusivity with him....
You heard he has a girlfriend from a DOORMAN...... The doorman may not even be thinking of the same person as you. Either way, he has a relationship that you know nothing about. Tough luck. You might try not having such casual relationships. It's clear that you want a long term type relationship. Work toward getting one of those. First step is finding out what kind of person they are, and if they are married or have a girlfriend.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Y'all are putting a lot of faith and assumption into what the doorman meant by the word "girlfriend."

He may have just been using that as a generic figure of speech. 

And if this was just a casual hook up, then what does it matter? Is he the only guy that you have been in the company of since you have met? I bet not.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Fwb unless he has other fwb

Or unless you find the one then it would beva differenstory.

Just move on .......or keep it going knowing the ground rules


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