# VAR any recommendations??



## cinnabomb (Oct 23, 2014)

We have dropcams but the sond on the recordings suck and they dont really capture much of anything. what do you recommend on how to record instances of her behaving in a way that our therapist hasnt seen, so that he can see what im talking about?

in session she puts on a fake face and intentionally doesnt lose her temper and im left looking like the bad guy and its not fair.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sony VARs are especially good. I'd recommend the ICDPX-333 or better. Search for a thread named "Standard Evidence Post" (it's in the CWI forum) by poster weightlifter for comprehensive instructions re: VAR configuration, recommendations for discrete placement, etc.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

"It's not fair" is a cry used by a hurt child, looking for others to intercede for him. He becomes frustrated because he hasn't learned he is in control of his own destiny. A man exercises control over his own future and leaves the frustrated child in his past. 

Do what you wish with your VAR, even with it, your MC isn't going to change the way your wife treats you. Only a change in you will do that. You've been given this guidance more than once. When you're ready it will still be there. 

Best


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## cinnabomb (Oct 23, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> "It's not fair" is a cry used by a hurt child, looking for others to intercede for him. He becomes frustrated because he hasn't learned he is in control of his own destiny. A man exercises control over his own future and leaves the frustrated child in his past.
> 
> Do what you wish with your VAR, even with it, your MC isn't going to change the way your wife treats you. Only a change in you will do that. You've been given this guidance more than once. When you're ready it will still be there.
> 
> Best


how??


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Your therapist might not have the reaction you are hoping for when you present her with the VAR recordings. Be prepared for that.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

chunderbunder said:


> how??


If you do not like the way she is treating you (I remember your initial post and she's treating you VERY poorly and is not a good role model for your child!) then you have to show her that you will not tolerate it.

If counselling is not working and she is not changing, then separate.

We teach people how to treat us. We allow them to treat us a certain way. I commend you for not entirely giving up on your marriage and putting effort in to marriage counselling...but if your wife is not being honest then you need to figure something else out. Like separation.

But you'll only take that step (separation) when the pain of staying the same is MORE than the pain of changing.

Recording her true behaviour, at most, will only do one thing: show the marriage counsellor your wife's true behaviour. Can your counsellor stop her behaviour? NO. Only your wife can stop her behaviour. Only you can let her behave that way around you...you always have the option of not being around her any more.


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