# Husband wants his EX move in the same building with us



## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

My husband’s ex-wife is looking for a condo to live. She is a single mom with a 13 years daughter (with my husband). My husband is helping them to find a place in the same building where we currently live. He thinks that's great! We live in the same building so he can stay with his daughter as much as he wants. I don’t like this idea, I feel I am going to share my husband with another woman. He says I am sick. Am I sick?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

You definition need a buffer zone between ypur husband and an ex. I agree it may look hood on paper to him, but the reality of it I wouldn't like. 









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

I don't think I would be happy, no. Also, the way he really listened to you and understood your feelings (sarcasm) would leave me less than enthused.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> He says I am sick. Am I sick?


Nope, you are right to be worried. The "other" family will be too close for comfort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I don't think it's a good idea either. If the ex was remarried.....maybe.....but being a single mom there's no good boundary for her to not try wooing him back. I mean, what if he goes downstairs or whatever one day to get his daughter, who happens to not be home yet, however the ex just so happened to get out of the shower and answers the door in a towel......well....you can see where I'm going with that.

Boundaries.....you gotta have them.....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

what sort of three's company,comedy of errors bullsh*t world is he living in???
this is a horrible idea!! NO good can come of this!!


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## Nala051 (Jul 21, 2012)

I wouldn't be happy about that either! I doubt he would be okay with it if it was reversed, and you were trying to get your ex to move into your building.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

Thank you all. Yes, many times I feel my husband doesn’t listen to me very well. I remember one day when we chatting after dinner, I told him our warehouse guy not very polite, instead of stopping the forklift letting me go first, he made me standing there for a while waiting and waiting until he finished his work. I wish my husband could say something to comfort me, but he says: the warehouse guy doing this because he doesn’t like me! I felt very insulted, but he said this is the American way, this normal. He said our Asian couture is too different with American culture.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> Thank you all. Yes, many times I feel my husband doesn’t listen to me very well. I remember one day when we chatting after dinner, I told him our warehouse guy not very polite, instead of stopping the forklift letting me go first, he made me standing there for a while waiting and waiting until he finished his work. I wish my husband could say something to comfort me, but he says: the warehouse guy doing this because he doesn’t like me! I felt very insulted, but he said this is the American way, this normal. He said our Asian couture is too different with American culture.


Disrespect has no cultural boundaries.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anyone with any feelings wouldn't like this idea. 

Ask your husband: how would you feel if I was helping my ex husband find a place...in our building? 

Tell him to answer it seriously and honestly.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

I would not be okay with that. Wonder how he would feel if you had an ex that moved into your building..... Men sometimes surprise me they can be so controling but if the shoe was on the other foot. Look out


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Anyone with any feelings wouldn't like this idea.
> 
> Ask your husband: how would you feel if I was helping my ex husband find a place...in our building?
> 
> Tell him to answer it seriously and honestly.


Unfortunately he probably wont answer it honestly.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

sculley said:


> I would not be okay with that. Wonder how he would feel if you had an ex that moved into your building..... Men sometimes surprise me they can be so controling but if the shoe was on the other foot. Look out


It's control and something else...

Testing boundaries. Let's push the envelope and see what she says? How you respond determines how much more he will try to get away with.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband is helping them to find a place in the same building where we currently live. He thinks that's great! We live in the same building so he can stay with his daughter as much as he wants. ... He says I am sick. Am I sick?


No, you are NOT sick. And why, pray tell, can't his ADULT wife find a place of her own? Being close to his daughter is one thing, but this idea sucks.

Just how much does he want to be with his daughter? What are his current visitation privileges?


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> No, you are NOT sick. And why, pray tell, can't his ADULT wife find a place of her own? Being close to his daughter is one thing, but this idea sucks.
> 
> Just how much does he want to be with his daughter? What are his current visitation privileges?


He visits his daughter once a week, talks on the phone veryday. but now the daughter has a lot of homework need help. They can not always spend hours on the phone for her homework. so the best way my husband think is we live together in the same building


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Your husband needs to take your feelings into consideration. I would feel uncomfortable bumping into my husbands ex when I left my condo. She doesn't have to be in the same condo or town. What about one town over. That should be close enough to visit his daughter on a regular basis without you having to bump into his ex every time you turn around.

When she has homework her mother can't help her with she comes over. Or better yet what about a tutor. I can't help my 14 year old with his math. If he gets confused he looks up how to do it online. That's just a lame excuse. You should really get him into counseling before he does this and it's to late.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband’s ex-wife is looking for a condo to live. She is a single mom with a 13 years daughter (with my husband). My husband is helping them to find a place in the same building where we currently live. He thinks that's great! We live in the same building so he can stay with his daughter as much as he wants. I don’t like this idea, I feel I am going to share my husband with another woman. He says I am sick. Am I sick?


He is way way out of bounds. This is wrong. You are not sick.


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## docj (Jun 18, 2009)

Do nt accept this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

Yet another vote for no, BAD idea!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm not american, but from what i know, no, this isn't the "american way". Is this single mom alone, not in a relationship? If that is so, even worse. Disaster waiting to happen. I understand the daughter thing, but she is 13 so she can come and visit and doesn't need to actually live in the same building.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

Yes, this is the daughter thing. My husband says his daughter loves our building and he thinks the 24 hours security is very good for them. If the daughter told him she loved the moon, he probably would catch it for her.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> Yes, this is the daughter thing. My husband says his daughter loves our building and he thinks the 24 hours security is very good for them. If the daughter told him she loved the moon, he probably would catch it for her.


This made me gag.I dealt with the princess daughter worship for WAAAAAY too many years.
Only way i got through it was joining a step parenting board.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> Yes, this is the daughter thing. My husband says his daughter loves our building and he thinks the 24 hours security is very good for them. If the daughter told him she loved the moon, he probably would catch it for her.


It is not an american way. I am alittle confused whose asian and american? I know there are alot of culture differences so I am trying to get clarification. Just the fact that he didn't try to understand it hurt your feelings sends a huge RED flag.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> Yes, this is the daughter thing. My husband says his daughter loves our building and he thinks the 24 hours security is very good for them. If the daughter told him she loved the moon, he probably would catch it for her.


Perhaps the "Little Princess" wants her mommy and daddy back together. What then?


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Perhaps the "Little Princess" wants her mommy and daddy back together. What then?


Yep I agree....Who knows she is old enough to try to make that happen especially with the moving into the building.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

they start younger than 13 with those efforts.my former stepdaughter tried to get her mother invited to my wedding.sd was 8 at the time.she said it was because the wedding made her so sad she needed mommy there to comfort her.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> they start younger than 13 with those efforts.my former stepdaughter tried to get her mother invited to my wedding.sd was 8 at the time.she said it was because the wedding made her so sad she needed mommy there to comfort her.


My 7 year old broke down and was saying he wanted me and my ex back together (I told him he was to younger to remember how bad mommy and daddy were together) His dad just remarried and my son doesnt care for her at all.....


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

oh boy!

I dont think so.
It would be nice for him to see his daughter whenever he wants but he should have more respect for you and himself than to try and help her move in the same building.

more like he is sick


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

sculley said:


> My 7 year old broke down and was saying he wanted me and my ex back together (I told him he was to younger to remember how bad mommy and daddy were together) His dad just remarried and my son doesnt care for her at all.....


whole can of worms about the kid not liking the new wife/new husband.

I bent over backward to be good to my ex's child.she hated me.

some stepparents are rotten and deserve to be disliked.others try their best and still get hated.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

This problem may solve itself.

Maybe the condo association will reject her application or something like it. I wouldn't want to live anywhere near my ex's family and I have children with him... talk about sick. That lady needs her head examined for even wanting to move that close.

It would be better if the child moved in with you than what your husband wants to do OP. It's disrespecting you and your space 100%.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Perhaps the "Little Princess" wants her mommy and daddy back together. What then?


Bingo! you got it! This is all the "Little Princess" wants. But the American father (I came from Asia) thinks I worry about too much.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

HELL no

i love my kids from my husbands first marriage..the are adults now one living with us and one with her, but when they were teens there is NO WAY in hell i would allow her to move that close. we own our home. i would SELL if she moved in on our street. 

I made the mistake many years ago of letting her stay here for two nights as she had left her current bf due to what she said was abuse and i didnt know what to do she had no where to go until her sister got home from vacation that weekend., I did it for the child, but I took both days off work. no way in hell was i leaving her home alone in my house. 

it was stupid and i was angry at my hubby for ever marrying her lol

NO NO NO NO make it VERY clear to your hubby.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

whatever.he can go pee into the wind with that idea.

i go outside in my cleaning outfit to empty the vacuum filter...hair in a messy bun,paint splattered yoga pants,flip flops,and a wife-beater tank top...you think i want my SO's ex seeing me like that? I'd feel like i'd always have to be on point in case i run into her skank a$$.

run into her walking the dog in the evening,run into her when you come home from work,run into her and she sees that you buy a pint of ben n jerry's ice cream every week with your groceries...

sounds like tiny stuff but I swear some of these ex's use ANY ammo they can get to be petty,snide,and to cut you down.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> This problem may solve itself.
> 
> Maybe the condo association will reject her application or something like it. I wouldn't want to live anywhere near my ex's family and I have children with him... talk about sick. That lady needs her head examined for even wanting to move that close.
> 
> It would be better if the child moved in with you than what your husband wants to do OP. It's disrespecting you and your space 100%.


This lady calls my husband very often. Especially when she gets lost, my husband has to explain to her how to drive to her destination. She has a GPS but she likes to call him. My husband loves to help her because his daughter in her car(he says).


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> This lady calls my husband very often. Especially when she gets lost, my husband has to explain to her how to drive to her destination. She has a GPS but she likes to call him. My husband loves to help her because his daughter in her car(he says).


OMG.OMFG. RED FLAG HONEY!!!

You are sharing your husband.This apartment thing is the least of your worries.Your husband needs to cut the cord with his ex.

Being a good father and being there for your child DOES NOT mean you have to suck the exes arse every single time she plays damsel in distress.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> Bingo! you get it! This is all the "Little Princess" wants. But the American father (I came from Asia) thinks I worry about too much.


Sweetie is there a history of him being controlling? I have seen in many marriages in the military like that. I'm sorry women know women and I don't care how oblivious my husband is about women being vindictive he knows not to try that sort of garbage.
Now when I first divorced my ex, him and I lived in the same apartment complex but we were both single just divorced and our son was special needs and that was the best decision at that time to help him (it was all about our son) if there is no one else in the picture I can see that sort of situation being ok but HECK NO in your situation....


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> This lady calls my husband very often. Especially when she gets lost, my husband has to explain to her how to drive to her destination. She has a GPS but she likes to call him. My husband loves to help her because his daughter in her car(he says).


Really sounds to me like something is going on there almost like they aren't completely over..... You sure he isn't lying just justifying it because of his daughter? If you allow him to move her into your complex that will be the least of your worries it almost seems as though this is the next step between them two. You will loose all respect, any power you do have and I can almost assure you that it wont be long before an affair of some sort might show up. Just my opinion


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

sculley said:


> I can almost assure you that it wont be long before an affair of some sort might show up. Just my opinion


:iagree:


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> run into her walking the dog in the evening,run into her when you come home from work,run into her and she sees that you buy a pint of ben n jerry's ice cream every week with your groceries...
> 
> sounds like tiny stuff but I swear some of these ex's use ANY ammo they can get to be petty,snide,and to cut you down.


I have told my husband very clearly, the day it happened, the day I went back to my home country but hee said I was threatening him.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> I have told my husband very clearly, the day it happened, the day I went back to my home country but hee said I was threatening him.


Do you guys have kids together? Polietely tell him it isn't a threat, if he cant respect you and your marital bond how can he expect you to respect him as the leader of your home?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> This lady calls my husband very often. Especially when she gets lost, my husband has to explain to her how to drive to her destination. She has a GPS but she likes to call him. My husband loves to help her because his daughter in her car(he says).


Well maybe he should have never left her if he's so concerned. 

This stinks to high heaven. He's taking advantage of your kind and naive heart my dear. He's been testing you all the time for a situation like this to arise, thinking since you've been so gracious and complacent surely you will do the same in this instance.

Don't let him off the hook about this. I would issue an ultimatum. If that woman moves in, you're moving OUT. They can play happy family without you.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

sculley said:


> If you allow him to move her into your complex that will be the least of your worries it almost seems as though this is the next step between them two. You will loose all respect, any power you do have and I can almost assure you that it wont be long before an affair of some sort might show up. Just my opinion


My husband said before the moveing in the same building effect out relationship, my reaction to avoid this happen has already effected our relationship. He said I do whatever I want. He does whatever he wants. I truly understand as a father what would be a really wonderful thing to live with her princess daughter in the same building. I am so vicious to prevent this happiness come to him.


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

I don't think the surface issue of the ex living close by is a big deal. My nine year old's father moved in two blocks away (into the apt I lived in when I started dating my husband ironically) in my very small town. It meant seeing him around all the time, but my son could just walk over for his visits. However, I have zero contact with my ex other than related to the child. Sounds like you are in a sticky spot.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband said before the moveing in the same building effect out relationship, my action to avoid this happen has already effected our relationship. He said I do whatever I want. He does whatever he wants. I truly understand as a father what would be a really wonderful thing to live with her princess daughter in the same building. I am so vicious to prevent this happiness come to him.


I think he is trying to manipulate you honestly. He seems as if your just there for whatever he wants. It doesn't sound like a marriage but more of a business partnership.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband said before the moveing in the same building effect out relationship, my action to avoid this happen has already effected our relationship. He said I do whatever I want. He does whatever he wants. I truly understand as a father what would be a really wonderful thing to live with her princess daughter in the same building. I am so vicious to prevent this happiness come to him.


Does he have joint custody with his ex of the daughter? Or he is given visitation? I think if he gets her part of the time why is it so important to be right on top of each other. Just in my mind it would be too easy to slip out at night and "go visit"


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

mrsamazing said:


> I don't think the surface issue of the ex living close by is a big deal. My nine year old's father moved in two blocks away (into the apt I lived in when I started dating my husband ironically) in my very small town. It meant seeing him around all the time, but my son could just walk over for his visits. However, I have zero contact with my ex other than related to the child. Sounds like you are in a sticky spot.


Yes, I agree. If they lived two blocks away, that would be fine with me too. But if they lived downstairs, we have to share the same parking lot, the same entrance,the same elevator, the same security officers, same mail men, same swimming pool, same Jacuzzi, same condo’s officer, same neighbors, that would be a BIG trouble for me. I have already felt very uncomfortable when I think about it.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

sculley said:


> Does he have joint custody with his ex of the daughter? Or he is given visitation? I think if he gets her part of the time why is it so important to be right on top of each other. Just in my mind it would be too easy to slip out at night and "go visit"


The only reason is his princess daughter loves our building.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

sculley said:


> I think he is trying to manipulate you honestly. He seems as if your just there for whatever he wants. It doesn't sound like a marriage but more of a business partnership.


Sometimes, his words hurt me a lot but he never realize it. many many times, again and again hurt me.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> The only reason is his princess daughter loves our building.



honestly what makes you think the princess is in this with her own mom...It just stinks to high heaven any man that divorces a woman surely wouldnt want her anywhere near his new wife REGUARDLESS...


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> The only reason is his princess daughter loves our building.


I'm sure this causes some resentment because you wish he would treat you as well or even half the way he does his daughter. So I am assuming ya'll don't have kids together? How long have ya'll been married?


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Sounds like princess would love any building where Daddy and Mommy lived...if she has ideas about them getting back together, even behind your back, and so does Mommy...then what is better than living in the same building!!

There will be so many reasons why your husband needs to 'pop round' to help them out, you won't believe it...the a/c is broken, my TV is faulty, homework, putting a new bed together...you see where that could be going right?

How awful of him to put his wife in such a bad position...almost like making you choose between them. Very inconsiderate.

I think you should print off all these replies and show them to him.

And what about you spending a day checking out condos in the neighborhood and giving him the details. At 13/14 she will be able to walk or bike to your place.


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> Sometimes, his words hurt me a lot but he never realize it. many many times, again and again hurt me.


He might not realize it because you don't tell him?

You must stand up for yourself and tell him it is unacceptable for him to keep hurting you like that. 

Can you list the good things about him which make you want to be married to him?

You might need some counseling to help you see what is good/not good, acceptable etc, without him telling you cr*p like its "the American way".

Very sad for you, he doesn't treat you very well.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

sculley said:


> honestly what makes you think the princess is in this with her own mom...It just stinks to high heaven any man that divorces a woman surely wouldnt want her anywhere near his new wife REGUARDLESS...


My husband told me his daughter loves our building so he is finding a unit in our building for them. My husband maybe is a little bit special than other men. That idea very SHOCK me. I cannot believe he has such an idea because he told me many times when his EX wanted divorce, how did he cut off all the felling to her. but still, they want live together.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband told me his daughter loves our building so he is finding a unit in our building for them. My husband maybe is a little bit special than other man. That idea very SHOCK me. I cannot believe he has such a idea because he told me many time when his EX wanted divorce, how did he cut off all the felling to her. but still, they want live together.


Well let's hope that his little plan has a snag. Just because the daughter wants it doesn't mean it's going to happen... that is unless HE is paying for it and filling out the paperwork on it.

You aren't being unreasonable, no matter what he says. This idea sucks. He's moving more than just his child near you and if he can't see that then he's an idiot. I guarantee if the shoe were on the other foot and YOU were trying to move an ex into the building he wouldn't go for it. Kid or not.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

FRANC said:


> He might not realize it because you don't tell him?
> 
> You must stand up for yourself and tell him it is unacceptable for him to keep hurting you like that.
> 
> ...


I do tell him but he says this is eastern-western culture difference. 

Good things about him: 
1.He is good educated. 
2.He loves his brother. 
3.He has decent friends and job. 
4.He never do drugs, never smoking
5.never lie. 
6.He loves my cooking. 
7.He does laundry. 
8.He clean dishes. 
9.He loves opera and movies and music. 
10. He loves me. Most of time, he put me in his priority, find the movies I like, find the restaurants I like. 

so I think he can be a good husband and if I can be a good wife, we can happyly live together forever.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

FRANC said:


> Sounds like princess would love any building where Daddy and Mommy lived...if she has ideas about them getting back together, even behind your back, and so does Mommy...then what is better than living in the same building!!
> 
> There will be so many reasons why your husband needs to 'pop round' to help them out, you won't believe it...the a/c is broken, my TV is faulty, homework, putting a new bed together...you see where that could be going right?
> 
> ...


and that way you will look supportive  I like the idea... and yes if she cant even drive somewhere without consulting him don't you think she will be calling having him at her beck and call.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> I do tell him but he says this is eastern-western culture difference.
> 
> Good things about him:
> 1.He is good educated.
> ...



If you can be a good wife???? 
Is that according to your standards or thoughts....or what he is filling into your head?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Do you know why he and his ex got divorced?

Did he initiate it or did she?


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> Do you know why he and his ex got divorced?
> 
> Did he initiate it or did she?


Good question. I really don’t know why. she initiate it. 

According to my husband, after the EX giving birth, she was very depressed, one day she told him she wanted divorce. That time the baby only a couple of months old and they only married one more year.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Hmm is there a chance she could have changed her mind and maybe they have something going on? To me in my mind she has no respect for you and your husbands marriage. Any woman that would call like that with it not having anything directly doing with daughter doesnt care about you....And the fact that he doesn't take up for you and your marriage to her really urks me.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

sculley said:


> Hmm is there a chance she could have changed her mind and maybe they have something going on? To me in my mind she has no respect for you and your husbands marriage. Any woman that would call like that with it not having anything directly doing with daughter doesnt care about you....And the fact that he doesn't take up for you and your marriage to her really urks me.


I am expecting the best, preparing the worst.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I think he's testing you to see how much you will allow him to get away with. Does he do other things you don't want?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> Good question. I really don’t know why. she initiate it.
> 
> According to my husband, after the EX giving birth, she was very depressed, one day she told him she wanted divorce. That time the baby only a couple of months old and they only married one more year.


Well it seems he's her lap dog after all these years. He jumps at her beck and call. My guess is he didn't want a divorce in the first place, but caved to please her.

How long have the two of you been together/married?


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> Well it seems he's her lap dog after all these years. He jumps at her beck and call. My guess is he didn't want a divorce in the first place, but caved to please her.
> 
> How long have the two of you been together/married?


We married 1 year and 7 months, we don't have our own kids. My husband had been living alone all these years before we married. The time when his daughter knew he was going to marry me, she hang up his phone, refused to talk or meet him for a long time(months) as the punishment to him. I know she hate me a lot. She will try all she can to make her mom and dad go togeter again.

My husband loved his EX a lot, he said when she wanted divorce, it cut him off immediately, so he has no feeling to her anymore. She took everything away from him, especially the little baby daughter. That time she was only a couple of months.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Pema5033 said:


> We married 1 year and 7 months. My husband had been liveing alone all these years before we married. The time when his daughter knew he was going to marry me, she hang up his phone, refused to talk or meet him for a long time(months) as the punishment to him. I know she hate me a lot. She will try all she can to make her mom and dad go togeter again.
> 
> My husband loved his EX a lot, he said when she wanted divorce, it cut him off immediately, so he has no feeling to her anymore. She took everything away from him, especially the little baby daughter. That time she was only a couple of months.


Well get ready for more drama if they do move into the condo. Prepare yourself... like you said. I don't see this going very well if she gets in.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

FRANC said:


> And what about you spending a day checking out condos in the neighborhood and giving him the details. At 13/14 she will be able to walk or bike to your place.


No, no way for the princess daughter walk or bike to meet her father. The princess never has been left alone in her whole life. When I was her age, I walked to school by my own. 

Sometimes the daughter’s school close earlier and the ex has no time, she calls my husband to pick the daughter up. Sometimes call my husband to drive her to school.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Your marriage situation regarding the ex wife and kid sounds so painfully familiar to what I went through 

I ended up leaving over that and many other things that were worse but the exwife/kid thing was high on the list of reasons. I know they say never say never but I will ask to be locked in a mental hospital before dating another man w exwife/kids. I'd rather be alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> Yes, I agree. If they lived two blocks away, that would be fine with me too. But if they lived downstairs, we have to share the same security officers, same mail men, same swimming pool, same Jacuzzi, same condo’s officer, same neighbors, that would be a BIG trouble for me.


I assume the ex hasn't remarried - so we are talking about the same last name too, right?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband told me his daughter loves our building so he is finding a unit in our building for them. My husband maybe is a little bit special than other man. That idea very SHOCK me. I cannot believe he has such a idea because he told me many time when his EX wanted divorce, how did he cut off all the felling to her. but still, they want live together.


And I assume the Ex is a grown woman? Single? Does she not make her own decisions yet? Your issues aside for the moment, why would SHE allow her ex to decide where she is going to live?

It's okay for the "Princess" to like your building. That's a good thing. However, she can also like her Mom's place elsewhere. Two wonderful places.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

If your husband gets his ex an apartment in his building, I would be gone. He's showing his disrespect for you. If she moves in it will be come and do this for me, I need a ride somewhere, ect. His daughter that doesn't like you, that her father worships will cause all kinds of drama. Just say NO. If your husband does not agree to respect your feelings in this matter then suggest counseling, before it happens. If he won't go to counseling and does it anyway, LEAVE. It will only get worse latter.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> I assume the ex hasn't remarried - so we are talking about the same last name too, right?


Yes you are right. She is a single mom, even has no a boyfriend. so these many years, they both single. The single mom used to consulting whatever she likes to my husband like he is still her husband. The “princess” daughter used to only has her mom and her dad in her life. I am just an intruder. She will try all she can to let me out of her world.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

Hopefull363 said:


> If your husband gets his ex an apartment in his building, I would be gone. He's showing his disrespect for you. If she moves in it will be come and do this for me, I need a ride somewhere, ect. His daughter that doesn't like you, that her father worships will cause all kinds of drama. Just say NO. If your husband does not agree to respect your feelings in this matter then suggest counseling, before it happens. If he won't go to counseling and does it anyway, LEAVE. It will only get worse latter.


My husband said if I had a kid with my ex, if they wanted to move in the same building, he would be OK with this. He says that is culture difference. Sounds like he is normal, I am mental disorder.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband said if I had a kid with my ex, if they wanted to move in the same building, he would be OK with this. He says that is culture difference. Sounds like he is normal, I am mental disorder.


this is what abusers do.they make you feel like you're the crazy,unreasonable one.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Pema5033 said:


> Yes you are right. She is a single mom, even has no a boyfriend. so these many years, they both single. The single mom used to consulting whatever she likes to my husband like he is still her husband. The “princess” daughter used to only has her mom and her dad in her life. I am just an intruder. She will try all she can to let me out of her world.


 Honestly, he's already shown he doesn't value you as much as he values his ex. Do you seriously want to be married to someone who doesn't truly love you?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

what do you have with him that you can't have with someone else?

I believe on working through things but he is obviously abusing you and manipulating you.

it won't get better unless he suddenly turns into the type of person who is able to put the magnifying glass onto himself to see what he can improve.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

turnera said:


> Honestly, he's already shown he doesn't value you as much as he values his ex. Do you seriously want to be married to someone who doesn't truly love you?


No. If they moved in, I would move out. I have told my husband yesterday. I would rather stay single than live in those kinds of drama.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good for you.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

I don't know about the cultural thing but we are all here telling you it's not normal. So you are not the one that is mental, he is.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> this is what abusers do.they make you feel like you're the crazy,unreasonable one.


I agree.... Sounds like this guy needs a taste of the medicine he is giving. Maybe you should show him some of your culture differences...ones you know he doesn't care for.


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## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

Thank you guys. I was thinking maybe I was sick, maybe I was too fragile to be hurt again. Now I know I am a healthy woman, healthy and strong enough to protect myself. I am not lonely. Thank you for supporting me. 

My husband is a good person, but when he meets his daughter, he is kind of lost. That little lady has a Magic. I am trying to keep my respect for his relationship with them, meanwhile, keep the distance as much as I can. I feel much better now. Thank you again,


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