# What the @#!! am I thinking?



## 412 (Oct 18, 2008)

As a new member, this is my first post here. At first, I thought I would introduce myself 'generically', yet I have been struggling with 'an issue' for almost four years now so I'm going to dive in head first and just dispense with the B.S. as I wish to find peace with my dilemma as soon as possible. 
Several years ago, I began to notice a cange in my wife...socially, domestically, intimately. Often, she would greet me at days end with several offerings of wine, then seduce me to the bedroom where, as always, I would obediently cater to her commands. At some point, she introduced me to porn she had been downloading, most of it ordinary and plain. Yet one style captivated me, and ultimately *consumed*me...cuckolding.
Come to find out, through massive depleted funds, she had become a crack addict. Now that she has been clean for over a year :smthumbup: I find myself still fascinated by the whole idea and try to talk to her about it; yet she denounces it, denies it all, even though she still verbalizes the act often while we are deep in the throws of passion. 
How do I get her to understand that "Hey, this is something that I want us to try, perhaps persue as a lifestyle...you introduced me to all this/that(visually/mentally) and since you had all 'your fun', now I want mine"???
While virtually no man would want to see his wife with another, I do. I want to serve both of them...even though I have no idea who the 'other' would be...I almost want a divorce to find a wife who would treat me in the fashion on video.... 
What the @#!! am I thinking?:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

What are you thinking?

You want your wife with another guy?

Join a swingers club, BUT only if she WANTS to. This is about herself, not you.

draconis


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, what Drac' said. 

I keep getting notices about cuckolding videos from the newsgroups. 

I can't imagine WHY any person would want to be humiliated in that manner! But, that's me. 

I accept that some may prefer that. I just can't understand why...

Yes, join a swingers group...or a BDSM group, of a femdom group. There are LOTS of ways to satisfy that urge.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yep, as the other two gents have said....

But you really need to be on the same page here. you have to be open and honest with each other.

If youa re both on board,s et some ground rules of what is permissible and what is not.

You cna probably find a swingers club in your area or a group. Maybe go on a vaction to Hedo in the bahama's for a wild adventure.

good luck, your not crazy, just curious.


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

OK now I am embarrassed to say this, but what is cuckolding? I don't get the porn type e-mails because I use my computer for business. This is the only social website that I am apart of. I am afraid to do a search to get the definition of what this is because once you go to these sites, you may start getting the e-mails. So please let me know.

If you *AND *your wife is comfortable with it, then definitely check out a swingers club. However, you may want to handle this with kid gloves because if she is addicted to porn, it may be hard for her to handle this right now and maybe this is why she SAYS she is against it.

Good luck and thanks for the honesty.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Cuckolding is having your mate know that you're having sex with someone else (often by forcing them to watch). It's sexual humiliation. Having the cuckolded one service (e.g. cleaning up after orgasm) one's mate and their partner. 

As mentioned above, be sure it's what you both want! It would be a heart-breaker for me.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I think you enjoy the fantasy of it, but the reality of it may drive you nuts. Espeically if you ahve any jealousy in you.

If you get jealous, I would strongly urge against it and leave it to fantasy or role playing with your wife, IE you pretend to be a stranger.

But as DCRIM explained, it is a man watching his wife serviced by another male and watching it.


it's not for everyone, actually for a select few. Maybe you both would like vouyerism instead.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I learned a new word today.


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## Guest (Oct 20, 2008)




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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

haha... I learned a new word today, too (although not a new concept)! 

Hey, you never know unless you try. America is so uptight about all the values religion has placed upon them that they can't try new things. I'm not religious, can you tell?

If you want to try it, and can have a completely open and honest relationship with your wife about it, then go for it. But you have to have very strict and set ground rules to follow before you indulge in anything! You need to lay everything out on the table. Talk talk talk talk and then talk some more. You MUST both be on the same page or it's a no go.

Maybe if you're not sure about it, give a swinger's club a try. They are NO HASSLE/NO PRESSURE and you DO NOT have to participate in anything. You can go and just absorb the atmosphere, talk to people who do that stuff, get a feel for it without actually doing it. 

But first of all you need to talk to your wife. Maybe in the throws of passion is when you need to start the talk, if that's the only time she'll talk about it. You're NOT alone. There are plenty of men out there who want this. Good luck and keep us posted. =)


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## 412 (Oct 18, 2008)

Thank you, everyone, for writing back as it helps me question myself from different angles. Certainly, it is something that won't happen, ever,
unless she authorizes the 'new word'/act she introduced me to. I think my attraction to the idea was fueled by being alone at night....many nights, while she was out lord knows where doing what. I would have rather submitted to being forced to accept and watch what I thought she was doing as at least it would be some pleasure and comfort for me to know she was safe, not dead, and loved me enough to 'let me in'....but it all must have just been the crack.....for me, maybe three years of her taunting me with the idea then suddenly going clean has left me seeking 'lost pleasures' from 06 to 08; now, I want her to give it all back to me. Perhaps this isn't the best way. Unfortunately, she is no longer the same woman/wife/mother she was before the addiction and I'm trying to accept the 'new her' but 
she seems to be a shell. I will let her fill it on her own and if I'm (we) lucky, the fantasies we once shared may fall inside. Again, thanks for the replies.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

If she still talks about it when things are hot, she's still thinking about it, and it would still be a turn on for her. When she does talk about it, don't pressure, just indulge the conversation. Maybe you can just enjoy the conversation about it. Gradually build up to talking about it after sex, like pillow talk. Take it slow.


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## Flutterlashes (Jan 8, 2009)

Could your wife just be role playing? Maybe the curiousity is not hers, she might just be trying to be inventive. Is it possible that you are looking for an excuse for extra-marital sexual practice and using her fantasy to your own advantage? "Just an idea !?!?" 

\\\Be honest with yourself & your partner///


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## LucyInSC (Dec 23, 2008)

I just want to add that whatever you do always think of your wife's addiction to crack. I'm a medical person and believe me crack is the worst drug to get off of. One slip and you are back down. She may be afraid that participating in that lifestyle would bring that urge back. Try satisfying this fantasy in a safe way before you dive into really acting it out. Role playing might be enough.


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## SandyM (Jan 15, 2009)

412...
seen this come up as recent posts but I realize you initially wrote yours in Oct.

My husband and I were going to try this...
we eventually talked ourselves out of it.
So many negatives that can come from this;
STD's, pregnancy, stalker...
In the end we figured role play was our best bet.


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