# Not a fun place to be



## NoFun (Mar 17, 2011)

I am 30 and have been with my H 6.5 years, married 4.5. We don't have kids and don't own anything together. I am a full-time student and he also has a full-time job. He is a great guy, smart, silly, caring, etc. However, for the past 3 years or so, I have not been very happy. I don't feel attracted to him. I don't want to have sex, kiss, or have physical contact with him. He feels like my best friend and roommate, but that is about it. He has dreams of the future that are quite different than mine, but he complies to what I want - and I hate that. I don't want someone to tailor their future to mine, and then later I get blamed for it not being what they want. 

So, I recently expressed these feelings and that maybe we should separate to figure things out. 

I know it is selfish, but we are so young and I don't want myself or him to be in an unhappy relationship, just to find out that 10 years from now we are still unhappy. Life is too short. Any suggestions?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Get in MC.

Why are you not attracted to him? You don't really give any details. There has to be some reason.

Where you happy the first 1.5 years of marriage? What was different? Did you go one more dates or just weren't sick of it yet?

What are your dreams and what are his? Has he blamed you for doing what you want or you just don't want it to happen later?

What other reasons are you not happy?

Have you told him all of this? What has he said?


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

I am having a similar experience as well the reasons are her views on my country and also she didn't tell me about a health issue that is really big that I think if she told me I wouldn't marry her. Also, my view on taking time on having a child was rejected to cement a solid marriage relationship before we bring another duck into the world.


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## AlwaysThinkingMaybe (Jan 31, 2011)

Consider Marriage Counseling, in the very least even if it doesn't help you reconcile this, it will help you consider what went wrong with this relationship so you don't make the same mistakes in a future one.


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## NoFun (Mar 17, 2011)

So I need to reply/update to my earlier post. We went to MC, I went to IC - and this made us realize it was in fact over. My ex left 2 months ago and we were divorced earlier this week. It was a very difficult thing to do, but we are both in much better places because of it. I had to follow what my heart was telling me to do. I read so much on here that "marriage is work", "you have to make yourself love", "you made vows", etc. But honestly, if you are unhappy in your situation - you will never be able to make it work or force yourself to love the other person. I really don't think you should have to make yourself love someone either. If that is what marriage is supposed to be like - I don't think I would ever get married again! It was easy for us though, we have no children or shared assets and we both have decent jobs. For us, it was the right decision. If anyone else is faced with this situation, believe me, you WILL know when it is time to move on; at which point you make your decision and stick to your guns....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Did you guys file for divorce already?

Mya dvice to you is that in the future, don't stay with someone or get with them or marry them if you don't fee lyou love them. Cause you're right "you can't make yourself love someone." 

Good luck in the future.


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