# Palmetto Girl 87's journal



## Palmetto girl 87 (Nov 16, 2012)

So, the past 5 years of my lie has been a roller coaster to say the least. I fell head over heels for the man I just recently ended my engagement with. Through the 5 years, I have dealt with cheating, lying, and insane bs that I now have no idea how to think fully for myself. Currently I am slowly moving things out with the intent of at the very least taking a break. 1 year ago, my boyfriend decided he would start talking to some posOW with 2 kids and living with her parents. He proceeded to go to her Christmas party and allowed photos to be taken thinking I would never know they existed. On new years eve, he proceeded to drink himself into oblivion and get so wasted that he couldn't handle himself to even pee upright. As I proceeded to get him ready for bed, I double checked his phone(a horrible habit I have acquired as a means to detect any cheating) low and behold, he has a voicemail. Thinking it was his mother, I listened to the voicemail only to her another woman's voice. I lost it, I threw the phone at him screaming and crying. Thinking to myself this was the last straw, I crawled into bed with the intent of waking up and moving out and leaving his sorry ass. I woke up sick to my stomach, called my close friend to come help me move and moved all of my stuff out. By nightfall, I was moved out. The same night I left, he went and slept with the posOW and lied further about my existence after my attempt to contact her via FB. The next day, i came back to the house to find him sleeping. We begin our conversation, he decides to jump in the shower showing his cleanly shaven manhood(which he had long stopped doing for me). I knew then that he had physically cheated. Needless to say, within the next month and a half, I had taken him back and gotten engaged. About 2 months ago I really started questioning the relationship and his past deceit. He has lied about the most trivial things and even when caught will lie to get out of his previous lie. He really must think I'm stupid. However, my sorry ass feels for some reason some sympathy for him. Lame I know. I go for individual counseling and advised him to do the same to help himself. For 2 months I have actively gone to my therapist with the intent to better myself. He who 
Due to his job, has the ability to have 6 sessions for free has only gone once but manages to lie about his appointments. we have gone to one session together and admitted he has lied since we began dating and then proceeds in session to blame me and talk about how things are my fault without outright saying it. Any advice?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

He clearly checked out long time ago hon. Best think you're doing is leaving him and forget him. You'll find someone that will love you and appreciate every second with you .

180 and cut every contact with him. Since you're not married and no kids there is really no reason to talk to him.

Move on and stay strong !


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

BigMac said:


> He clearly checked out long time ago hon. Best think you're doing is leaving him and forget him. You'll find someone that will love you and appreciate every second with you .
> 
> 180 and cut every contact with him. Since you're not married and no kids there is really no reason to talk to him.
> 
> Move on and stay strong !


:iagree:


Exactly. 180, leave his ass. Do not look back. You deserve better than this. I would also go get tested. Who knows if this is the first time he cheated and then came home to you. 

Drop his ass like the plague.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I'll agree. I can tell by your use of acronyms you've been on here, at least for some time now. 

IMO... you have no kids, you're not married. LEAVE him and see how he acts. If he doesn't come running back in a short bit, he possibly won't ever. 

Cut your ties and move on. Try not to let it all get you down. Some of us are coming out of longterm marriages and having the same sorta issues. Mine is 11 years together and she's having a possible MLC. Had an affair and treating ME like I'M the one who cheated. We have a daughter that's 3. She loves my family. I like hers. We were very close. Best friends. I cried for god knows how long. She tells me she loves me STILL. 3 times in 2 days. but isn't attracted to me anymore, doesn't want me and wants to be alone (i call bs... now) 

It's painful girl. I'm telling ya. CUT LOOSE! And re-evaluate your situation, your man, and your life, before it gets too deep. You have nothing to keep you in. 

Good luck.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I'll agree. I can tell by your use of acronyms you've been on here, at least for some time now.
> 
> IMO... you have no kids, you're not married. LEAVE him and see how he acts. If he doesn't come running back in a short bit, he possibly won't ever.
> 
> ...


Exactly. Be thankful this happened before marriage and especially before kids. Most of us here have 10 year + relationships with kids, houses, etc. It can only get worse. He needs to grow up. Cut ties now.

Go to therapy, as well.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

With everything that you currently know about this man (and knowing that there is plenty more that you do not) why do you insist on being with him?

Enjoy living a life of misery?

Or do you prefer living in a fantasy world so you don't have to be alone?

Self worth is a tricky thing to get down.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> With everything that you currently know about this man (and knowing that there is plenty more that you do not) why do you insist on being with him?
> 
> Enjoy living a life of misery?
> 
> ...


An instructive exercise.

Imagine meeting a man for the first time who would own up and describe him treating his last LTR the way he's treated you.

Would you date him?

Would you even want to know him?


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## Palmetto girl 87 (Nov 16, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> With everything that you currently know about this man (and knowing that there is plenty more that you do not) why do you insist on being with him?
> 
> Enjoy living a life of misery?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Palmetto girl 87 (Nov 16, 2012)

What's sad is I couldn't agree more. But for some sick weird reason I feel the need to stick around and help him. I want so badly to believe he really does love me but he can't just be honest. It breaks my heart 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Palmetto girl 87 said:


> What's sad is I couldn't agree more. But for some sick weird reason I feel the need to stick around and help him. I want so badly to believe he really does love me but he can't just be honest. It breaks my heart
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you feel like you need to rescue him?


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Please read the victim Triangle

An Overview of the Drama Triangle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Palmetto girl 87 said:


> What's sad is I couldn't agree more. But for some sick weird reason I feel the need to stick around and help him. I want so badly to believe he really does love me but he can't just be honest. It breaks my heart
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you in therapy?

Codependent behavior is very self-destructive.


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