# Gimme the cardboard one, please...



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I am limited by funding, and ability to afford to a degree a house to move into. To remove myself post-divorce (one week now) from the home that was.
I am also limited in terms of location, due to the decree and shared parenting plan.

The first five houses I visited were dumps. Virtual dumps.
Spongy facia boards, tin siding stapled back into place. carpet ripped up if not removed completely.
Nothing like the pictures on the realtor association website. I was so discouraged, as adding insult to injury I would have to reduce the standard of living so low, and worried to be getting into a money pit of a problematic home, being it was having to do it on my own. And yet, provide a decent place for my daughters week long visits.. 

Then, I found two. They were foreclosures. The agent had drawn up the offer contracts, had me sign, and was getting ready to submit the offers..... only to find, both houses had been bought with cash offers already. I had already sent pictures to family out of state,,, even the ex wanted to see them... but I was a fool. looked like one, and felt like one.

When buying a foreclosure you have to pay for closing, for title insurance, for all repairs, and really it is sold as is.

So needless to say, discouragement has taken a foothold in an otherwise already rickety standing of mine.

The realtor then sends me two lists. One with all foreclosures, and one that were not foreclosures.

I purposely look thru the "non-foreclosure" list and select around five houses that are within my range $$ and location to go see. Nice looking houses by the pictures. I didnt want to stand the chance of them being bought out from under me again.

Then yesterday I go with him to visit them and one of them has the back door kicked in, door frame busted out on one side, drywall pulled away from that area.
No, cant take this one. Thinking of my kid living with me for the shared time and her safety.

So on to the next house I picked and its gorgeous. Big backyard with lots of room to do stuff, nice open kitchen area, living room. I said to myself I could live here, I could begin again here.
--a momentary glimpse of hope---

Today I dont hear from my realtor, as I await a contract to sign and get that offer made to the seller.
I call him, asking him to return my call, saying, I havent seen any contracts in the email yet, I want to get rolling on that fast!
--please please please please----
He calls me back saying he was a little busy in the morning, but that he had most of the contract done and would be sending it to me to sign in a few minutes.


Then he calls back......


"I got some strange news..." he says.
"That house wasnt listed as a foreclosure, but it IS a foreclosure"... its owned by BankofAmerica (of whom I had recently switched away from due to high checking acct fees, and was still pissedoff at, having sworn to never do business with BankOfAmerica again..)

So another downpour on the process.
Ive prayed about needing to get into a house, hoping I could get some help from above in finding the right place.
It sure feels like I am being toyed with. The unaware jester.

Thing is, I am still at the old house, trying to avoid the ex, while trying to keep a smile on for the kiddo. KNowing it is absolutely of paramount importance that I get out as soon as possible as each day is another chance she could say " I want you out NOW,, if i slip up or refuse to do something she asks", or still, continue to suffer the same daily unhappiness that occurs anyways since we are divorced, and you see her go out on a Friday night only to return home at 1pm saturday afternoon the next day. The outbursts of laughter from her as she recieves a text message from loverboy...
The surprise bills that come in the mail that still living there entitles me to help with....

I need so badly to get away from her. But theres no one to go live with for temporary means. She will absolutely lose control of her finances, and its only a matter of time before that house forecloses (she has one dollar in the old household account), so it seems so very important that I go get a house now, to provide a place for my kid in case that goes downhill over there, as I refuse to let my child live in an apartment like I used to for so many years.
If I am in an apt, and she forecloses on that house, it would then be very difficult with that on my record for me to be approved for a house afterwards. That risk of her getting foreclosed in the current house is so great that I cant risk being in an apartment. 

I am already approved, have a pre-approval letter from the finance company...
I just cant seem to find a house to go live in...
I am so discouraged

I am a 39 year old man and tired of falling down.

Tired of the calls that start with " I have bad news..."

Tired of hurting, being present while my exwife lives like life is everything she ever wanted,, now that shes divorced.
From what can she derive the capacity to laugh at all, at anything??

And each day that passes there while I am still there, prolongs every little detail that I am trying to get away from.

It would have been nice not to have to wait for the divorce to be final so that finance company could have a copy of the decree they required. 
to have been able to find a house and go thru the selection process and find something "right" for me instead of being so rushed about it. Falling into wall after wall while its being so rushed.

Ive started drinking too much. Something to numb the "welling up" that seems to happen of its own volition.

Yesterday I was posting here, feeling so hopeful and full of help, telling others to hang in there, and that they "will" get better.

I didnt cheat and destroy the family, SHE did.

Why is this now being so difficult to get away from?

Why am I still having to suffer Lord?
Do you hear me?
Are you there?


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Ive started drinking too much. Something to numb the "welling up" that seems to happen of its own volition.


I'm sorry you are going through so much trouble finding a place. As you've told many of us here, Hang in there. You know the answer isn't in a bottle, though. It just causes more trouble instead.


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## Walt (Jul 17, 2011)

S,

Always respected your comments and advice on TAM.

Things look bleak, but they will get better. You have to believe. If not for you, then for your kid.

Stop watching what your Ex is doing. It's only going to put you in a tailspin.

Focus on the prize - a nice place to live with you child. Keep that vision. 

Best of luck.

-Walt


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

hey shoo Ive read alot of your post and they have helped me. Man keep your head up it will get better as you tell people. I hate that your having to endure that and could only imagine how bad that is but turning to the bottle is only going to bring about more problems just leave that alone for your little one. I will keep you in my prayers man.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Last year I had to do the “looking for post-divorce residence” also. It really sucked. Reflecting back on that 8 month time frame, I realize now that maybe those places which didn’t quite workout were probably a blessing in disguise. 

Just about the time I had begun to feel defeated in trying to find a decent place, one literally popped up out of nowhere. The very moment while sending an email to a friend stating how I was done house shopping and would probably go looking at apartments in the next few days, a listing for a house popped up online. It was in the very location I’d been desiring to move to. The house looked pretty decent online and I told myself, ‘Ok, this is the last house I‘m going to look at. I probably can’t afford it anyways.’

The friend I had just sent email to even offered to go with me to check it out that evening. Guess what? The house worked out. It has taken some getting used to, but it is a nice little house. Nothing really wrong with it, just smaller and not quite the caliber my son and I were accustomed to. However I knew before hand, compromises were in store for us.

Things will work out, so hang in there!


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