# Is this cheating?



## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

I am hoping that someone on here can help me?

My hubby of 9yrs has a sex blog, which he's had since 2010. 
I discovered last night, after gaining access to his emails, there was a woman in USA he was in contact with for around 6months back in sept 2010- feb 2011. They would arrange private, late night chats online. There were photos of her etc and after reading all the communication it appears they were meeting online regularly. There has been no contact from her since around feb 2011, however I suspect he has subscribed to another account and continues his chats.

My problem is that he laughed, said she was fat and its not an affair cos he'll never meet her. He hasn't appologised or really talked or comforted me. I feel dejected and very unhappy. I cannot tell anyone cos of his blog-he doesn't want anyone to know.

I would really kill for some advice right now


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well he hid it from you because he knew you would not approve, yes?

then it was cheating, it was a sexually charged EA (emotional affair)

time to get a keylogger on his computer


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

what's a key logger


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> well he hid it from you because he knew you would not approve, yes?
> 
> then it was cheating, it was a sexually charged EA (emotional affair)
> 
> time to get a keylogger on his computer


:iagree:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

keylogger is a program that runs undetected on a computer that records all keystrokes, takes screenshots every so often and will even email you the results. This way you can get to the bottom of what he is actually doing.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

MrsDiscontented said:


> I am hoping that someone on here can help me?
> 
> My hubby of 9yrs has a sex blog, which he's had since 2010.
> I discovered last night, after gaining access to his emails, there was a woman in USA he was in contact with for around 6months back in sept 2010- feb 2011. They would arrange private, late night chats online. There were photos of her etc and after reading all the communication it appears they were meeting online regularly. There has been no contact from her since around feb 2011, however I suspect he has subscribed to another account and continues his chats.
> ...


to answer your question: is it cheating? I would say how do you feel about it? and I assume by your post, you do not agree with this behavior, so it certianly is cheating. He was sharing himself with another woman. Also, behind your back, two big "cheating" characteristics.


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

Thanks for replies

I was dreading tellling, as have to admit thought I'd never be in this situation. 

Well after telling him it is cheating he was in total denial last night. He can't see past his own nose and thinks he can persuade me that its ok.

recommend any partic keyloggers?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

go to cnet.com and look at the reviews and features that you want


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

Thank you Almostrecovered


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Darn right he's cheating. You need to take a stand. It's probably only a matter of time before he moves from his fantasy world into reality too, and starts physically meeting up with women. That's exactly what my hubby did.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Check here

Best Computer Monitoring Software 2012 | Reviews, Ratings & More


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## whatsup (May 7, 2012)

when in doubt hack the spouses computer and steal all their data. bonus points if you take their credit card info and route the money into foreign bank accounts


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

youre right 1964 but i have kids and to b honest hat seems a bit far fetched whatsup especially the foreign bank acc info. I'm many things but money grabber is not one of them so i'll not take your advise there but just thank you for offering info up


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

MrsDiscontented said:


> youre right 1964 but i have kids and to b honest hat seems a bit far fetched whatsup especially the foreign bank acc info. I'm many things but money grabber is not one of them so i'll not take your advise there but just thank you for offering info up


Far fetched? Look, it doesn't matter how many kids you have. It can happen
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

MrsDiscontented said:


> youre right 1964 but i have kids and to b honest hat seems a bit far fetched whatsup especially the foreign bank acc info. I'm many things but money grabber is not one of them so i'll not take your advise there but just thank you for offering info up


Sorry, I don't understand this.

Read my story (link in sig) if you think it's farfetched that he will move from fantasy to reality. And what do kids have to do with it?!?!

You can just ignore whatsup's post.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> well he hid it from you because he knew you would not approve, yes?
> 
> then it was cheating, it was a sexually charged EA (emotional affair)
> 
> time to get a keylogger on his computer


Yep...... what AR said. :iagree:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Look up the book "Not Just Friends". It comes recommended in here.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

whatsup said:


> when in doubt hack the spouses computer and steal all their data. bonus points if you take their credit card info and route the money into foreign bank accounts


Sorry hope1964 had too much of the old red stuff last night and my reply does not make sense at all!

I was referring to whatsups quote last night.

Just had a read of your story and thats awful, you have had it bad. I am sorry to read that.
I know what you mean about the online fantasy becoming reality and can see it happeneing. He said he doesn't consider what he did to be an emotional affair as she wasnt there for him emotionally and it was only a few exchanges!
And he's not really bothered that I'm upset, genuinly think he's out of love for me


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

PBear said:


> Look up the book "Not Just Friends". It comes recommended in here.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just taken a peek at it on Amazon, it looks good.


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

He says he's taken his blog offline as I asked him to. I tried to enter his blog address but he's changed the password, and this message appeas when I try to go on the blog.

To access your blogs, sign in with your Google Account.

The new Blogger requires a Google Account to access your blogs.

Haven't switched yet? Sign in using your old Blogger account instead. 

Does this mean anything to anyone:scratchhead:


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

This is commonly called 'cyber sex' which consist of online chats with sexual content, pictures, and cam connecting. If hidden from the spouse, he must feel you would disapprove. It is a form of cheating. And if you feel betrayed, even more so! Though not a physically connected affair, it can be just as hurtful and harmful to the relationship. Yes, time for a key logger and some openly honest discussion for this activity to halt, as it is hurting you.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

MrsDiscontented said:


> He says he's taken his blog offline as I asked him to. I tried to enter his blog address but he's changed the password, and this message appeas when I try to go on the blog.
> 
> To access your blogs, sign in with your Google Account.
> 
> ...


when you search for his blog on google, does it still pop up in the search results? When you click the links, can you view the blog, or does it show nothing and say it's offline?


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> when you search for his blog on google, does it still pop up in the search results? When you click the links, can you view the blog, or does it show nothing and say it's offline?


When i search for the blog on google it comes up with this;

To access your blogs, sign in with your Google Account.

The new Blogger requires a Google Account to access your blogs.

Haven't switched yet? Sign in using your old Blogger account instead. 

and yesterday when i first discovered it, around 3.20pm, it also said your password was changed 1hr ago. The blog cannot be viewed anymore


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

So now he's hiding it; you can go the keylogger route if you feel you have to, but in my opinion, you already have enough to begin doing a hard 180 on him. Don't stand for this crap if you don't agree with it! Come down hard on him. He doesn't want you to tell anyone? That's because he KNOWS he's in the wrong. Out him!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

That means he's gone into his blogger account and marked it password only.

Here's the thing about blogger--you can send out a link and password for OTHERS to view your blog via email. The password works for about 90 days and then another email exchange has to happen (from him to the person he wants to give access).

So he can still use the blog to contact whomever and for them to read whatever he's posting.

Of course, he doesn't need to use the blog, the gmail or other email account that's linked to the blog would do that too. Do you have access to all his email accounts? Bloggers often have a lot, because they don't want to give their private personal email for friends / family to the general public.


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> That means he's gone into his blogger account and marked it password only.
> 
> Here's the thing about blogger--you can send out a link and password for OTHERS to view your blog via email. The password works for about 90 days and then another email exchange has to happen (from him to the person he wants to give access).
> 
> ...


I didn't know that about blogger, but thought it funny as he'd said its offline. I have access to his normal hotmail account which is where i found the passwords to the blogger account(i knew about his blog, was ok with it) After going into the blogger acc he said he wasn't hiding as i gained access, so he wasnt hiding anythin, just hadnt told me!! hes very good at makin me feel like the one in the wrong. I can no longer get into blogger acc to check what hes up to. I posted on his blog how pissed i was and he didnt like that. not sure about getting a key logger just want it all to go away!


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## MrsDiscontented (May 9, 2012)

Ben Connedfussed said:


> This is commonly called 'cyber sex' which consist of online chats with sexual content, pictures, and cam connecting. If hidden from the spouse, he must feel you would disapprove. It is a form of cheating. And if you feel betrayed, even more so! Though not a physically connected affair, it can be just as hurtful and harmful to the relationship. Yes, time for a key logger and some openly honest discussion for this activity to halt, as it is hurting you.


He's pretty computer savvy- has a masters in the stuff.
I don't want to sound dumb, but I gonna anyway, will he detect it if I'm putting it on his PC?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

MrsDiscontented said:


> I didn't know that about blogger, but thought it funny as he'd said its offline. I have access to his normal hotmail account which is where i found the passwords to the blogger account(i knew about his blog, was ok with it) After going into the blogger acc he said he wasn't hiding as i gained access, so *he wasnt hiding anythin, just hadnt told me!!* hes very good at makin me feel like the one in the wrong. I can no longer get into blogger acc to check what hes up to. I posted on his blog how pissed i was and he didnt like that. not sure about getting a key logger just want it all to go away!


This, to me, is worse. Lying by omission. He knows damned well hes in the wrong.

Why don't you picture what you'd do if you walked in on him having sex with another woman, and do THAT? There'd be no denying it then, would there? No making YOU look crazy. 

Don't let him bully you into thinking that this is nothing. Treat this as you would an affair/cheating, or you risk the possibility of setting yourself up for more of the same years down the road.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MrsDiscontented said:


> I am hoping that someone on here can help me?
> 
> My hubby of 9yrs has a sex blog, which he's had since 2010.
> I discovered last night, after gaining access to his emails, there was a woman in USA he was in contact with for around 6months back in sept 2010- feb 2011. They would arrange private, late night chats online. There were photos of her etc and after reading all the communication it appears they were meeting online regularly. There has been no contact from her since around feb 2011, however I suspect he has subscribed to another account and continues his chats.
> ...


Cheating -- check


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He's gaslighting you. Why don't you get mad??

He may detect a keylogger or he may not. But what more evidence do you need?? He's cheating on you and trying to minimize what he's doing and blame YOU for it. Kick his a$$ out I say.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Is he cheating? Well, does a bear sh!t in the woods? Now he's taking it underground.


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

He (Lordmayhem) knows... Listen and he will tell you. I see it, and it gets worse day by day after they go underground. The hazing, gaslitting and lying gets more worse than ever!!! I AM gonna be quit and quite for sometime now.. Feel I am in for a long ride!


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