# Jealous of other couples?



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well today. I wanted to get my peers opinion on something. 

Are you guys or have you ever been jealous of other couples? 

A little back story. My and my fh are in our late 20's. We been together for 3 years, lived together for one and been engaged for 8 months. We hit a rough patch in the middle but we are working on it and slowly but surely things are getting better. We are both in school so we decided not to actually get married till I graduate in 2016. We want to save money for the wedding but we also really want to put a down payment on a house. 

When we started dating we knew this other couple who had been together for 3 years and were about to get married and a second couple who had been together for 2 years. The first couple got married, the second couple got engaged and a year later got married. 

After these couples got married it seemed like they got closer together and we kind of got pushed out of the group somewhat. It seems like the other couples well mainly the girls don't take us as seriously since we are "only engaged". Things like "well if you guys are still together", or if "you guys ever actually get married get" are thrown around a lot. My fh says that they don't mean any harm by it and they just say it without thinking it and its prob true but it is still hurtful. 

I am very pleased with the progress that our relationship has made but sometimes I am just a little jealous of them. I mean I understand that we chose careers where we are still in school. Couple #1 has decent jobs but not careers. Couple#2 has healthcare jobs, make decent money. FH has a good job but he is still in school too and with me in school we do ok but def not like go on vacation every couple of months. Couple#2 is now preg. 

The other two couples go on vacations together a lot. Most of the time they no longer invite us but if they did we prob would not go because we really want to put a down payment on the house in 2 years. 

I guess sometimes I get a little sad because they have moved on with their lives where it seems like we are exactly where we were 3 years ago. We are engaged but we are not getting married for 2 more years, I still have 2 years till I can get a good job, we prob can't have kids for 4 years. It just brings me down. FH just says to think about the future and how happy we will be and that is all good but I still can't help it! I guess girls care a lot more about this stuff them men. 

the girl in couple#2 is very vocal on FB and is always posting stuff like "hanging out with our married friends", "being married is the best" best one though that she posted today "people don't understand love till they are married" (WTF??) She post a wedding anniversary status every month! We get it you have been married for 9 months today!! I was there. I know I just sound bitter but mostly I am just annoyed. I just think that being married for 9 months is not an achievement and does not automatically give you a right to give me unwanted advice on how to get my fh walk down the aisle sooner even though I have told you multiple times that it was my decision (along with my parents) not to have the wedding till I graduated. 

I also find the girl in couple#2 because she makes comments about my engagement ring a lot. One time she said it that diamond was too small, 2nd time she said the ring was too light (after she made me switch rings with her), she tried to find out how much it costs. She told me how her ring costs more than a car I mean ok that is very nice but what am I suppose to do with that information? One time we were talking about travel insurance and she said that she always gets it because she ring is so expensive but we should not bother?!?!? I know these comments should not bother me because it is actually really pretty and I really do honestly love it and treasure it. I know he worked really hard to save money to buy it. Personally I think we are in a better position anyway because my ring did cost more then 3 months worth of salary and it is all paid for! While they are still paying for their 22000$ ring (she mentioned the price the same day I got engaged) 

Personally before I met these women I did not put a lot of stalk in marriage. I still don't think I put a lot of stalk in marriage I think I just kind of want to have a wedding. I still think that marriage is just a piece of paper. You don't need it express love to your S.O. You can be just in love if you are not married. It is not like gov't gives you a piece of paper declaring you husband and wife and now you suddenly love each other more. None of us are religious so it is not like there is a religious component to being married infront of God. All of us lived with our S.O before marriage. I just think that today being married would not change a whole lot. We live together, have a joint account, don't make financial decisions without each other. Planning on buying a house together. 

Top it off our wedding will be really small. We are keeping our budget really small compared to the other two couples who def went in debt to pay for their weddings. We both agreed that well I'll have enough student loans as it is so we would not go into more debt for the wedding. It still brings me down though. 

Do you guys think I am being a baby? I mean we are in late 20's, I should know better then to be so materialistic but sometimes I can't help it. Gosh I sound bi-polar to myself.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I guess sometimes I get a little sad because they have moved on with their lives where it seems like we are exactly where we were 3 years ago. We are engaged but we are not getting married for 2 more years, I still have 2 years till I can get a good job, we prob can't have kids for 4 years. It just brings me down. FH just says to think about the future and how happy we will be and that is all good but I still can't help it! I guess girls care a lot more about this stuff them men.


This ^ is the only reason you care so much about what your married friends are doing or saying or anything. None of that would bother you in the least if you were content with your joint decision to wait until it was sensible to get married. You wouldn't be envious of your couple friends if you were content.

You aren't content. You understand logically why it makes all the sense in the world to wait. But you aren't entirely happy about waiting. 

You should give some thought as to why waiting makes you uncomfortable, and what's driving your desire to marry sooner. Then be honest with your fiance and tell him how you really feel, and how strongly you feel about it. I'm sure he wants you to be happy, so perhaps you can work out a compromise of some sort.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

norajane said:


> This ^ is the only reason you care so much about what your married friends are doing or saying or anything. None of that would bother you in the least if you were content with your joint decision to wait until it was sensible to get married. You wouldn't be envious of your couple friends if you were content.
> 
> You aren't content. You understand logically why it makes all the sense in the world to wait. But you aren't entirely happy about waiting.
> 
> You should give some thought as to why waiting makes you uncomfortable, and what's driving your desire to marry sooner. Then be honest with your fiance and tell him how you really feel, and how strongly you feel about it. I'm sure he wants you to be happy, so perhaps you can work out a compromise of some sort.


^ I will have to think about it.. I mean I would love to have a really expensive wedding sooner but it is prob not possible or wise. 

I think what bothers me though is the fact that 1) they make it seem like our relationship is inferior to theirs because we are not married 2) before they got married us girls used to hang out just girls all the time but now they only want to hang out as couples if they want to hang out with me at all. I mean I considered these girls my friends and it was just a bonus that all our bf's had known each other for years and were already best friends. 

It makes me feel like now I am not good enough to hang out with because I am not married. They act like they are better then us which is annoying. Actually the girl from couple#2 acts like they are better than us and girl from couple#1 really does not like to do anything without her husband not even like a couple of coffee.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Find new friends.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Enoxprin said:


> the girl in couple#2 is very vocal on FB and is always posting stuff like "hanging out with our married friends", "being married is the best" best one though that she posted today "people don't understand love till they are married" (WTF??) She post a wedding anniversary status every month! We get it you have been married for 9 months today!! I was there.


I would not be jealous over this. In fact, I would think it was super annoying and probably hide them from my newsfeed. I feel the same about people who post a million pictures of their kids every day about really mundane things. Or really anyone who keeps posting the same sh*t over and over again. Nobody wants to hear that all the time. 

Also, these couples that do this--methinks a lot of time they protest too much. It makes me wonder if i'ts a facade. Like when Tom Cruise was jumping on the couch talking about how AMAZINGLY AMAZING KATIE WAS. Way too over the top and not the least bit believable.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If people ignore you, don't include you and don't want to be with you based on your relationship status.....chances are, they are NOT your friends.

What you and your H are doing sounds like a great plan to me. Keep up the good work.

Marriage itself is just a legal term. And I know women love to get caught up in the whole labeling thing.

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. Your relationship today is exactly what it will be when you 2 get married.

Let those fools hang out with their "married" friends and just find REAL friends.

Once the kids are in the picture those "crappy friends" will dump their married friends with no kids........watch.

I would tell you to stay FAR away from these kinds of people.

Staying off facebook will help you with this as well. It's annoying, worthless, waste of time and prevents you from actually living life as you are SO busy advertising/hyping it up FOR OTHERS.

Bleh


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Enoxprin said:


> Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well today. I wanted to get my peers opinion on something.
> 
> Are you guys or have you ever been jealous of other couples?
> 
> ...


Sounds to me like they are doing you a favor. I find people like your "friends" very irritating. 

Instead of feeling jealous of them, be glad you aren't like them.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Get 
new
friends.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Enoxprin said:


> I also find the girl in couple#2 because she makes comments about my engagement ring a lot. *One time she said it that diamond was too small, 2nd time she said the ring was too light* (after she made me switch rings with her), she tried to find out how much it costs. One time we were talking about travel insurance and she said that* she always gets it because she ring is so expensive but we should not bother*?!?!?


Um, ew. Seriously, she said all that with a straight face to you? I would have laughed. And THEN called her out on how rude/what a b1tch she sounds like.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

You may find your modest ring has a lot more staying power than the expensive ones they're flashing around. 

If you put that much into how much it cost, what are your real priorities? 

Is that a group of people you want to hang out with for the next 10 years?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Um, ew. Seriously, she said all that with a straight face to you? I would have laughed. And THEN called her out on how rude/what a b1tch she sounds like.


x2

What a joke and another proof of how crappy of a person she is.

Stay away OP


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DoF said:


> Staying off facebook will help you with this as well. It


Which just reminded me: the "Recently engaged couples" are some of the worst. They always post about how it went down, how they are "marrying their best friend and lover", the proverbial "engagement ring" pic , aka, "LOOK HOW SHINY AND BIG IT IS. LIKE IT, please so I can feel validated!" and "In just 220 days I get to marry my best friend in front of the lake we first met at. I can't wait" yada yada yada (insert eyeroll here).

They are almost as bad as the parents who post a gazillion pictures of their babies. Every single second of their tiny lives. Really. Whyyy must people do this? I hide them all from my news feed. LOL.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)




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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Which just reminded me: the "Recently engaged couples" are some of the worst. They always post about how it went down, how they are "marrying their best friend and lover", the proverbial "engagement ring" pic , aka, "LOOK HOW SHIN?Y AND BIG IT IS. LIKE IT, please so I can feel validated!" and "In just 220 days I get to matry my best friend in front of the lake we first met at. I can't wait" yada yada yada (insert eyeroll here).
> 
> They are almost as bad as the parents who post a gazilion pictures of their babies. Every single second of their tiny lives. Really. Whyyy must people do this? I hide them all from my news feed. LOL.


I seen/heard this somewhere........quote for truth

Facebook is a giant megaphone for retards.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

I have had situations that my "friends" were acting quite jerky and it was really hard. One day I came to realize the sadness was realizing that the friends I thought I had weren't really friends. That is really hard to deal with.

As for facebook my feelings are it's there page if you don't like what is on there block it from your newsfeed. Why should anyone have to cater to what others want to see or not see?!?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

the2ofus said:


> As for facebook my feelings are it's there page if you don't like what is on there block it from your newsfeed. Why should anyone have to cater to what others want to see or not see?!?


Which is exactly why I hide them from my newsfeed


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

This sounds so high school where everyone gets together for their 10th reunion just to see whose top dog and whose not.

First of all who cares what the other person has. There are people that have far less that you. 

You have to realize that your a couple steps behind these other couples because your still in school. Sooner or later your schooling will be over and you'll be in the work force then what?

Is there going to be a race to see who has the biggest house or the most expensive car? 

These people are shallow and as phoney as a three dollar bill. My advice is to you is be who you are and not what they want you to be. You don't need people like this in your life because all it will be is a constant race to the finish line with them.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Are you getting married just to check off that box on your accomplishments list? From all you have written it sounds like it.

Dont do it. You will grow up at some point and realize your mistake. Then you will either cheat or become a walk-away wife.

It happens a lot. 

Don't be a statistic and don't be s jealous and immature follower. Your time on Earth is finite. Make decisions with the right sense of values and beliefs.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Um, ew. Seriously, she said all that with a straight face to you? I would have laughed. And THEN called her out on how rude/what a b1tch she sounds like.


the thing with her is that she can't really take what she dishes out. If I say anything back she would just get mad, make a big deal and give rest of us attitude for rest of the night. It is easier to just ignore what she says then to say anything back. My fiance does not really get to see his best friend since they got married as it is and they lived together for like 5 years so when he does see them I don't want to ruin it for him by getting into it with the best friends wife. The best friend usually apologizes when he gets a chance for her behavior.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


>


These are annoying to me too! Why could not she say that to him in person instead of FB? 

Funniest are the couple who we know are sitting side by side writing to each other on FB.. ME and fh laugh about it all the time.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Thank you everyone for your perspective! I am just being immature comparing myself to these people. I mean we'll get there in future so I should just relax about it. 

Thanks!!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Enoxprin said:


> ^ I will have to think about it.. I mean I would love to have a really expensive wedding sooner but it is prob not possible or wise.
> 
> I think what bothers me though is the fact that 1) they make it seem like our relationship is inferior to theirs because we are not married 2) before they got married us girls used to hang out just girls all the time but now they only want to hang out as couples if they want to hang out with me at all. I mean I considered these girls my friends and it was just a bonus that all our bf's had known each other for years and were already best friends.
> 
> It makes me feel like now I am not good enough to hang out with because I am not married. They act like they are better then us which is annoying. Actually the girl from couple#2 acts like they are better than us and girl from couple#1 really does not like to do anything without her husband not even like a couple of coffee.


That's my point, though. They can't make you feel anything. YOU are feeling that way because they've hit a raw nerve.

If you were content with the decision to wait, you'd tell them all to go to hell because their opinions and actions would just disgust you and you'd realize you don't need people like that as friends. Or you'd laugh at them and simply not care that they've gotten sucked into some self-satisfied, smug fantasy in their heads that marriage makes them better than other people.

YOU know your relationships isn't inferior, and YOU know that your marital status isn't a determining factor for whether you are "good enough" to hang out with. Right? Or, wrong, maybe you don't actually believe that and maybe that's why you feel inferior and not good enough. Maybe YOU feel married is better than not, and that's why this is bugging you so much.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

doubletrouble said:


> You may find your modest ring has a lot more staying power than the expensive ones they're flashing around.
> 
> If you put that much into how much it cost, what are your real priorities?
> 
> Is that a group of people you want to hang out with for the next 10 years?


:iagree:

My ring is also small and I am happy about it. I would never want a huge diamond, because I think the money can be better spent elsewhere. 

I will say though, that you can get married now and still go to school(it is possible). My husband and I got married a year before we graduated. We didn't want to wait, so we got married in the summer and then continued our education. The following May, we both graduated with our bachelor's degrees. That worked out just fine. I'm just saying you don't have to wait for the "perfect" time to get married. If both of you want to make that commitment sooner, there is nothing wrong with that. 

And as for the friends, get new ones. All I see is stupid drama and bs. It reminds me of high school, which I hated. Time to grow up and move on. Don't hold on to negative people.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


>


Ugh... those posts are the worst. So incredibly annoying. I always either hide those posts or delete the person who posted it if they do it often and we're not that close. My cousin pulls bs like this and I have hidden all her posts. She is also overcompensating for a bad relationship though, too.


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## JustAnotherMan (Jun 27, 2012)

Maybe my TAM peeps can enlighten me... I do not see any benefit to long engagements.

This couple had dated 2+ years then moved in together, got engaged and then decide not to get married for another 3 years. 

What is the purpose of getting all the financial things and education things and career things all accomplished before a wedding? If you do not achieve all of the above goals will you postpone or cancel the wedding? Why not be married as you accomplish these goals? You are already living together.....

OP....figure out what is really bothering you. I do not believe it is what your so called friends are doing.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

The reason the wedding is scheduled for after graduation is because I am in med school. I just took my 2nd year boards so I been studying a lot so I did not have time to plan a wedding. Then I start my rotations in 2 weeks and I don't have any time off of rotations till September but I did not think 3 months would be enough to plan a wedding specially since one of the rotations is at a hospital where I would love to do a residency and I want to do really well at that site. 

After September I don't get time off till next year November at which time I should be applying to residencies and hopefully going to a lot of interviews. Also august through November is when you try to go to all the sites where you would really want to do your residency so I probably won't be in town that much. All of this only leaves the one month we have between graduation and start of residency. 

I would ask for help from our parents but his mom lives in another country and my parents are not really wedding planning type. I don't have any sisters either. 

So keeping all of this in mind and the fact that we both do want to have a wedding (even if really small) we figured best time would be the month in between.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Enoxprin said:


> The reason the wedding is scheduled for after graduation is because I am in med school. I just took my 2nd year boards so I been studying a lot so I did not have time to plan a wedding. Then I start my rotations in 2 weeks and I don't have any time off of rotations till September but I did not think 3 months would be enough to plan a wedding specially since one of the rotations is at a hospital where I would love to do a residency and I want to do really well at that site.
> 
> After September I don't get time off till next year November at which time I should be applying to residencies and hopefully going to a lot of interviews. Also august through November is when you try to go to all the sites where you would really want to do your residency so I probably won't be in town that much. All of this only leaves the one month we have between graduation and start of residency.
> 
> ...


You said before that you wanted to have a small wedding, so that really doesn't take a whole lot of planning(3 months would be plenty). You can get a couple friends involved in the planning and keep things simple, to knock out wedding planning in 2 months. A good friend of mine did that while in medical school, so I see no excuses, as it's definitely possible to do. Then it just depends on you, if you want to get married sooner rather than later.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

we don't have much money right now. We have some money saved up (very limited though) but we had agreed that it was for the house. Also we won't be able to have a honeymoon


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You can always take a honeymoon later. One of my couple-friends did that. Had wedding, didn't honeymoon til a year later.

I prefer smaller weddings to ginormous ones.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Hubby and I were engaged mid-Feb, and married early July in the same year. We had a beautiful wedding, in a lovely country estate, 30 people including us...couldn't have been more perfect.

You don't need long to plan the perfect wedding


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## Bridge (Dec 27, 2013)

Whenever I get jealous of other couples I think "would I want to be married to him? Would I want to be married to her? Would I want their lifestyle?" and the answer is always "hell no" and that helps. 

I'm 26, my boyfriend is 29, we've lived together for 5 years and we're not engaged. We get a lot of comments from our married friends and family but we're doing exactly what we want and that's what matters. It is a money/career issue and if they don't understand my priorities I don't care.

You need the confidence that this is how you choose to live your life. Don't think you're waiting, or stuck, focus on that you're getting an difficult degree, a lifelong career, and a house.

Meanwhile, post braggy facebook updates like "Saved soooo much money this past year! Can't wait to buy my house! Feel sorry for people who set money on fire just to get married".


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Bridge said:


> Meanwhile, post braggy facebook updates like "Saved soooo much money this past year! Can't wait to buy my house! Feel sorry for people who set money on fire just to get married".


^ passive aggressive and stupid idea. 

As mentioned by others, weddings can be planned easily and on a small budget. No need to spend thousands on a one day event and you can take your honeymoon later on. If you truly want to get married, you really don't have any excuses for why you "can't". The things you are doing while engaged can also be done while married(school, saving for the house, etc.).


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Anonymous07 said:


> As mentioned by others, weddings can be planned easily and on a small budget. No need to spend thousands on a one day event and you can take your honeymoon later on. If you truly want to get married, you really don't have any excuses for why you "can't". The things you are doing while engaged can also be done while married(school, saving for the house, etc.).


So true.

OP ask yourself this - and you don't have to answer here, just for yourself...do you want the marriage or do you really want the wedding?

There is absolutely no reason why you can't get married now, if it's what you really want.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Enoxprin said:


> The reason the wedding is scheduled for after graduation is because I am in med school. I just took my 2nd year boards so I been studying a lot so I did not have time to plan a wedding. Then I start my rotations in 2 weeks and I don't have any time off of rotations till September but I did not think 3 months would be enough to plan a wedding specially since one of the rotations is at a hospital where I would love to do a residency and I want to do really well at that site.
> 
> After September I don't get time off till next year November at which time I should be applying to residencies and hopefully going to a lot of interviews. Also august through November is when you try to go to all the sites where you would really want to do your residency so I probably won't be in town that much. All of this only leaves the one month we have between graduation and start of residency.
> 
> ...


You sound like you have your head screwed on right. 

I'm of the opinion that if the love is there, that's what matters. Married or not. Planning and working out what is best for you as a couple, between you, is what matters - and that being congruent with who you are. Although when planning for the future, I wouldn't place the expectation of happiness to occur as a result.

As for the friends, if someone had the balls to say something rude to me like that, then I'll figure they must have the balls to hear how that makes me feel. Stand up for yourself. It can be communicated assertively without being aggressive. 

Oh Facebook... granted this is my own personal reflection but I got rid of it simply because I questioned how good of a friend I am to these people and how good of a friend are they to me, if I haven't even seen them in years but we know snippet details of each others' lives through passive involvement. But what about friends overseas? Email, letters, old school version of exchanging photos, setting up video calls, making an effort; is much more exhilarating. With friends nearby, we meet up and share news and spend time together. It doesn't need to be tagged that I'm at a certain venue or photos taken of us doing something unless it's to simply capture a moment for our own reflections. It helps me to be a more involved friend, with my energy focused on those who are actually close to me and in many ways, it keeps our relationships more dynamic. Real friendships and sharing in person can't be beat. Maybe I'm just getting old but that's my perspective on the whole thing.

In saying all of that, this place is my online vice until I find the exit and/or the need diminishes.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anonymous07 said:


> If you truly want to get married, you really don't have any excuses for why you "can't".


True. It only costs about $30 to get married where I live. And I think that has gone up. When I got married, I think it was about $20. License, certificate, done.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Ditched FaceBook about three years ago, and have never missed it. Not even once. 

My first wedding (at 19, oh lord) cost me the license fee and the JP at Grampa's house.  I wish it was 1978 again.... I So would never have done that!


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

sorry I have been MIA guys. I went out of town and did not have excess to a computer. I guess I would be lying if I said I did not want the wedding. I am not one of those girls who planned their wedding since their childhood but I helped some friends plan their weddings and have been looking forward to planning my own. 
i just have to stick it out and stay with our plan. I think that would be best for us in the long run.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

doubletrouble said:


> My first wedding (at 19, oh lord)


:rofl:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Your "friends" suck. Especially snobby #2 chick. You dont need these people in your life. 

Also, you stated that you really only want a wedding, that marriage doesnt really mean anything to you....HUGE mistake. BIG. You arent a four year old playing dress-up here, this is a lifetime commitment you are looking at.


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

Yes, sometimes I despise seeing happy couples because of my own situation. forget about happy couples they make me sick to my stomach at times. wedding hmpf i just think poor fools you dont even know the BS thats coming


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Enox,
Your so called friends are being aggressively, cruelly, competitive with you. 

Do you have any idea why?

Are you or your H much more attractive than your friends and/or their husbands? 

Are they jealous of you for some other reason? 

Is it possible that you are maybe a little competitive with them at times? 

As for rings and weddings, I'll tell you what we did 24 years ago:
- We jointly made practical decisions
- Inexpensive ring and wedding 

If asked, M2 would say that in the last quarter century I've been super generous with time, love and money. We have no debt at all. Not for cars, and not even on our home which is 3 times as nice/expensive as her parents house. 

But we never got caught up in competing with other people for social status. We bought what WE wanted, when WE could easily afford it. 

The house purchase - was mainly driven by its location in a phenomenal school district. It was more about the kids, than anything else. 

One last thing. When I've offered to replace her dinky engagement ring with a whopper, she's responded with: I love my ring. It reminds me that I didn't marry you for material reasons and also shows how far we've come. 





Enoxprin said:


> Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well today. I wanted to get my peers opinion on something.
> 
> Are you guys or have you ever been jealous of other couples?
> 
> ...


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Enoxprin said:


> Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well today. I wanted to get my peers opinion on something.
> 
> Are you guys or have you ever been jealous of other couples?
> 
> ...


I would strongly suggest you work on this. My wife is 100% like you. She plays it off like "who cares" but she is addicted to facebook and seeing what others are buying, doing, hugging, eating etc. I constantly hear about others successes and triumphs. For some odd reason, I never hear about others failures or those doing "less well" than us. 

The weight of this has taken its toll. (i have a whole thread that explores my ****ty marriage and ponders the question of her loving me or the life). 

As for your stock in marriage. I actually like your theory. It is a piece of paper that you're supposed to sign. You're also supposed to have a house and white fence. Try to scrap that concept and just try to live the best life you can live, maybe with a signif other.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Nice to see that you are in med school, OP. What a lot of work, but what an interesting, rewarding career, too.

Please don't worry about what your friends think or are doing. Just live your own life. It is nice when friends can follow us through life, but it doesn't always work out that way. To thine own self be true.

We had children earlier than many people we knew. That changed our lives. And I breastfed and we did attachment parenting, so our lifestyle was different from many others, period. 

The main thing is to know your own values and make a plan that pleases you and your SO. That is really the only thing that matters -- that you please each other.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

OP, big weddings and expensive rings DO NOT EQUAL long term marital success.

All my sisters (4 of them) had the big wedding. ALL got divorced. 3 got remarried and had simple, informal gatherings, or simply went away and got married, and those second marriages are all 20+ years now.

BTW, I had a simple wedding that was basically an outdoor party. I am the only one never divorced. 21 years now.Together almost 28.

Oh, and NO ring has ever been bought to this day. Just something to think about.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Just remember that a lot of what people say loudly and post to facebook is more about making themselves feel better. 

Most people don't air their dirty laundry in public. You only see the good side of most couple's relationships, unless you're VERY close to them, or the relationship is so bad they can't contain it.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Here's a thought... by the time you are about to walk down the aisle, one or both of those couples will probably be getting divorced.

Neither of the wives sound like "quality" people. In fact they sound quite toxic. Toxic people usually have a way of sabotaging their own marriages. Quality people don't try to make their friends feel inferior, or ditch their single friends just because they are now married.

As others have said: Find. New. Friends.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

OP,

When I read your post, I saw a person who is in love with a wedding and having kids.

Marriage is about a husband and wife spending their lives together, not a one day event and raising children.

Please be careful,
Stretch


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

I never ever was jealous of another couple...

However the one who made me sexless and affectionless did make me feel pained when i saw others hugging, kissing and being affectionate. I didn't hate them or think they were faking, it just hurt me I wasn't having it at the time.


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