# advice



## liz22012 (Jan 12, 2018)

Help.
I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband has now been fired for the 2nd time and drained us financially with his spending. He also drinks. I asked him to leave the house 8 months ago which has been nice. I spoke to an attorney about divorce and was told I will need to pay him $1000 + a month and give him half my retirement. He is being rewarded for being lazy and spending money.
He now works and where he lives no is rent free. He has now given me any money since June. I am stuck paying his bills.
Any advice?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Talk to a different attorney, just for a second opinion. Yes, it's unfortunate that this loser will run away with some of your hard-earned money, but it's better to cut the cord sooner rather than later. Show your attorney the bills you've been paying on his behalf so that those can be subtracted from the settlement. See if there is a way to compel him to reveal what he's currently earning. I believe since your marriage is relatively short, you will not have to pay maintenance for very long. If you stay in the marriage, in limbo, you'll be liable for payments that last longer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

liz22012 said:


> Help.
> 
> I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband has now been fired for the 2nd time and drained us financially with his spending. He also drinks. I asked him to leave the house 8 months ago which has been nice.
> I spoke to an attorney about divorce and was told I will need to pay him $1000 + a month and give him half my retirement. He is being rewarded for being lazy and spending money.
> ...


Could you share what state you live in?

I have some questions...

How old are you and he?

What percentage of your joint income do you earn?

How many months or years are you being told you will need to pay him $1,000?

Does he have any retirement from his work?

What percentage of your retirement did you acquire before you married him?

Do you and your husband own a home? cars? have investments? Etc? How is all that being split?

Do the two of you have any children together?

Answers to the above questions would really help.

Why are you paying his bills? Stop paying his bills. Let him deal with those.

You need to see at least one more attorney, if not 2-3 more and see what they say. Many attorneys will give a free half hour consultation. This gives you a chance to interview them and if you find one that will fight for you, then you can hire them.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If you have only been married seven years your long term obligation may not be as bad as you think, many times spousal support has term limitations based on the length of the marriage. Also he may not be entitled to half your 401K, only the portion saved during your marriage. 

Laws vary depending on where you live, talk with another attorney. There are also many online legal advise sites where you can get answers. Remember everything thing is negotiable, try to keep things amicable and maybe you can minimize the damage, or even file a dissolution and keep the lawyers out of it. 

Lastly keep in mind the long term benefits of divorce, you will free yourself of an alcoholic dead beat, it may cost a bit of cash now but that's better than a lifetime of misery.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Could you share what state you live in?
> 
> I have some questions...
> 
> ...


As @EleGirl says you need to get more legal advice so you dont lose out long term, it is in your best interest to do as much research as possible. and provie as much information on here, many of us have gone through this and have things we learned after, things we would have done different and things we would have done better. 

t


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## liz22012 (Jan 12, 2018)

Could you share what state you live in? I am in NJ

I have some questions...

How old are you and he? 47 and 49

What percentage of your joint income do you earn? I am the breadwinner he barely works

How many months or years are you being told you will need to pay him $1,000? 7 years 

Does he have any retirement from his work? no

What percentage of your retirement did you acquire before you married him? half

Do you and your husband own a home? cars? have investments? Etc? How is all that being split? yes I pay for it and want to keep it

Do the two of you have any children together? no

Answers to the above questions would really help.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

What your lawyer says isn't necessarily true. Basically, as long as both parties agree to what they want usually the judge will just sign off on it. The best way to handle it is TALK with your husband and ask him what he wants. Then see if you two can agree to a more favorable deal and have the lawyer write it up. In my divorce I walked away with over 80% of the assets and no spousal support because that was what my wife and I agreed to. My negotiation tactic was to ask her what she wanted and she lowballed herself, so I agreed to 100% of her requests and hired an attorney to write up and submit the paperwork for the both of us. The key for this to work is make sure you are the one hiring the attorney because then the attorney will legally represent you and won't tell your husband he could get a better deal.


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## liz22012 (Jan 12, 2018)

He will want the money so he can work as little as possible and buy what he wants. He was unemployed and waited for unemploymet to run out before he found a job and played video games all day and watched TV. His sister wants him to go to rehab an I told her it is $4000 out of pocket which I don't have. She said go on the payment plan as I should pay for it then move him back into "his" house.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

In that case, just hire a much better lawyer than he can afford. Or move to a state that has more favorable divorce laws.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Can you get hold of a lump sum payment of some size? Many times greedy people will see a pile of money and sign off to get it.


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## liz22012 (Jan 12, 2018)

I am looking at another attorney to see what he has to say. He will get half the money in the house which he will spend so why not alimony. He can spend it on beer and do as little as possible while I work for him. The attorney also said I need to continue to pay for his health insurance as well.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

liz22012 said:


> Could you share what state you live in? I am in NJ
> 
> I have some questions...
> 
> ...





liz22012 said:


> He will want the money so he can work as little as possible and buy what he wants. He was unemployed and waited for unemploymet to run out before he found a job and played video games all day and watched TV. His sister wants him to go to rehab an I told her it is $4000 out of pocket which I don't have. She said go on the payment plan as I should pay for it then move him back into "his" house.


Absolutely not your problem do not pay


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

liz22012 said:


> I am looking at another attorney to see what he has to say. He will get half the money in the house which he will spend so why not alimony. He can spend it on beer and do as little as possible while I work for him. * The attorney also said I need to continue to pay for his health insurance as well.*


until the terms of the divorce are finalized this may be correct, if you do end up paying alimony this will be factored into that payment and he will need to do COBRA and pay his own premiums or find his own plan


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

liz22012 said:


> He will want the money so he can work as little as possible and buy what he wants. He was unemployed and waited for unemploymet to run out before he found a job and played video games all day and watched TV. His sister wants him to go to rehab an I told her it is $4000 out of pocket which I don't have. She said go on the payment plan as I should pay for it then move him back into "his" house.


He doesn't know what your lawyer said to you regarding the assets, unless you've already told him. That is why you go into the negotiation with him asking what he wants and let him be the one to propose a settlement. If he lowballs himself you agree with him and get the win. If he doesn't then you are in the same position as you are now. There's absolutely nothing to lose by asking him what he wants and letting him throw out the first number.


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## liz22012 (Jan 12, 2018)

what is the difference between legal separation and divorce?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

liz22012 said:


> I am looking at another attorney to see what he has to say. He will get half the money in the house which he will spend so why not alimony. He can spend it on beer and do as little as possible while I work for him. The attorney also said I need to continue to pay for his health insurance as well.


You DEFINITELY need to see a different lawyer.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

It may sound like he is being awarded $$$ for being lazy or a bum or just someone that sucks at providing. But the cold hard truth about the laws in the u.s.a. is once you say I do you just taking a gamble on major losses just in case a divorce takes place. The courts don't care about who said what or what took place. If your state law says you must do xyz like he gets half of this like marital assets to equity, property division then prepare yourself. Sorry but this is life it sucks the only thing you can do is a person to person negotiation and hope he agrees and get a no-fault divorce. If he reluctant he may want property division and marital assets may even having your house sold to get half the equity. Sorry but this is reality the judge could care less who was the bread winner or who pulled their weight. It all comes down to state laws that govern that paticular state.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Sorry you are going through this.

The moral of the story? Be much more careful about cohabiting. Do not say "I do". Marriage, before a preacher or common-law, is vastly more serious than we think it is.

You accept taking care of that guy no matter what. You said for better or for worse. You just couldn't believe this is what for worse meant.

The only consolation is if you get out of this without him running up a few hundred thousand in credit card debt you get stuck with helping him pay off, consider yourself lucky. That might help you swallow this bitter pill.

Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell whichever lawyer you pick to follow the 'he's capable of working full time' route when it comes to support. More than ever nowadays, courts are looking at the women and saying she needs to get a job, so I'd think that would go doubly for a man.


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