# Wife said she wants a divorce



## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Hi everyone,

My wife and i have been married what would be five years on October 23rd.However,she broke the news to me that she wanted a divorce on Fathers Day.A little background on the situation..

I lost my job in February and had trouble finding any type of work that would support my family,yet also pay the bills since then.Meanwhile,i was also going to College to better our lives in the long run.She was working,and i wasn't.She figured i was the man of the house and i needed to support my family which i do agree with,but if theres nothing there then theres nothing there.Fast foward to the week before she told me she would go over to her sisters a lot leaving me with our two boys (almost 3 and 11months).Fathers Day rolls around,i wake up at 6am with our youngest son with the other following about an hour later.

She finally crawls out of bed around ten.We then cleaned our apartment together,and laid the kids down for nap when the time came.She again left to go to her sisters to only return a few hours later saying we need to talk.After talking awhile she said she wanted a divorce.Also,that she wanted me out as soon as possible.Now we lived in Arkansas to where i moved to be with her leaving my family in Ohio behind,so i was faced with two options.A) Leave,but live on the street so then i could see my kids everyday atleast ,or B) move back home.

Well,i ended up moving back home and i already have a job working in a Warehouse.I miss not just my boys but i still miss her and i'm in love with her still so it's killing me inside and i'm left wondering what could i have done different,or what would it take to maybe ,just maybe make her change her mind.I asked if she would liked to get counseling before i left to which she said no.Asked if she was cheating on me and she said no.Finally,i asked what about just being seperated for awhile? Her response was " It's too late,i've made up my mind ".

Okay,i'll tell more later on but i want to get some comments,suggestions,etc before i go on..

Thanks


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## baissier (Jun 21, 2009)

you need to fix your own life and able to take care of the family first before any chance of winning her back. going to college doesn't mean you can drop your responsibility. you should have find any jobs you can get and go to college at night or work at night shift. If I am you, I will work my gut off ...may it two jobs, taking part time study...eventually have a steady income before you ask her to take you back. All you can do now is tell her what your plan is and ask her to hold off the divorce and give you some time to prove this to her.

read "why mars and venus collide" to understand how she feels.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Thanks for replying.We have actually discussed me proving to her that i can do what my duty as a father/husband.Which i have done so far by getting a job.I feel as i understand her pretty well,but i fear at the same time her family might have filled her head with these ideas,or atleast contributed to them.Being 900 miles apart from her and my kids is rough.Cant tuck my kids in bed everynight,and give them a kiss.Tell them i love them.I usually hear from her once a day to tell the kids goodnight and i love them.Most often thats it and she ends the call minutes after.


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## baissier (Jun 21, 2009)

i understand how tough it must be. you reminded me of my dad. my mom took us and left my dad because he wasn't taking care of us. he was more mess up than you...he gambled, he cheated, he didn't have any job. My mom eventually decided the best for the kids and for her, she needed to be away from him so she left

i can tell my mom still loved my dad after more than 20 years...to the date he passed away. when we were all grown up, she actually asked us if it was okay to bring my dad home since he was all alone....but sadly that didn't happen before he had an heart attack. For all these years, if only my dad had proven to my mom he can take care of the family, my mom will take him back less than a heartbeat. 

Don't let this happen to you. Give yourself a year to prove yourself. First, start sending money back to her so she doesn't have to worry about money. Money was the first thing a single mother worries about - rents, bills, etc...it makes me nervous when i think back to my childhood and how my mom had to handle that. That's the first step. then focus on developing your career..what you want to do and what you can do to accomplish that....there are many jobs out there with good steady salary...look at the auto workers...government unions...etc. 

Tell your wife to give you a year...or two to take care of the kids while you straighten yourself up. But still send money back to them. Since your wife is also working, can her family help her by looking after the kids...if not, you have to find a way to help her out...either through your family or friends

good luck


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Sorry it took so long to make any replies.I've been focusing on getting my life in order.Anyways,i had some disturbing news broken to me yesterday which was shes " sorta " seeing one of her step fathers friends which is twelve years older than her.I've explained how i felt many times,yet she hasn't really described to me how shes feeling.Makes me think shes seeing this guy to cover up her true feelings and possibly run/hide from them.I'm not sure though.

Thoughts?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

As abruptly as this happened, when I read your post it was suspicious. Granted the lost job factor was difficult, but a reason to leave the marriage....another suspicion. 

Now, you understand why she wanted out? 

It's difficult to make amends in the relationship with there is another person involved. She may find out that the grass isn't greener. You keep working on yourself and get support. Show her how its done!!!


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

I'm going to.She told me she met the guy at her mothers wedding a week or two before i left.However,she didn't start talking to him or hanging out with him until around a month ago.I'm hoping she'll come around,but if she doesn't then so be it.I thought i should add that she hasn't filed for divorce yet,and i've plainly told her i won't do it as it's not something i even want to happen.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Little update followed by a question..

Lately my wife and i have been talking quite a bit.Not about us getting back together or anything but whats going on in her and the kids lives,etc.Before she would call and let me talk to the kids for a few minutes then that would be pretty much it.However,lately when we talk we talk for atleast 20-30 minutes each time.We've been laughing a lot and just getting along really well.

I'm assuming it's a good sign,but am i overracting here or is it really a good sign?

Thanks


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Good news as i got one of my goals accomplished.I pick this up next week when i get paid.




























Now only if i can have the money to be near my boys again.Sometime soon i will though.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Good job getting the car! One positive step in the right direction.

Keep the phone calls...small talk, happy talk. You are doing quite well!


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Thanks,i feel like i'm achieving what i initially told my wife before i left i would do.Goes to show if you put your mind to something then anything is possible.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

I agree with the discussion. Whenever my and my wife talk, if it is relationship based, everything goes downhill. If it is everything else based, things pick back up. You show some of what your value is to the relationship. This is where the "working on yourself" comes in. Some things are little things, like eating healthier, or dressing a little nicer, clean yourself up. Some are bigger, like the way you treat her, the things you say, the way you say them. (by the way - LOTS of threads on how women HEAR what we say. Read them and change the way you are.)

These like I say, show how you value yourself, and in turn value the relationship. I must say, the things I have done for myself have done a big boost to my self worth, regardless of the mess I am in with my marriage. 

Keep posting about any changes. Vent your frustrations. And take it slow. It will take longer than you realize for things to change. She lost something in you, and you need to prove it to her that it is there.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Just found out some disturbing news from my wifes cousin.I guess shes living with this guy shes been seeing while we're still legally married.I don't know what the hell shes thinking.Here i've been sitting here wanting to make it work,and missing my kids to death.Meanwhile,lord knows what shes been doing with this guy.I'm seriously considering filing for divorce myself now and i'll probably do so if it is indeed true.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Sorry been very busy with work and just been too tired to do much afterwards.Some things to update on.

First,i had a lengthy discussion with my mother-in-law on Sunday.She doesn't really know what her daughter is thinking and obviously feels very bad for me (as does her other family members).She told me she was upset with me initially because i wasn't working while her daughter and i were still together,but can stand behind me now as i have changed my life for the best now.I'm taking care of my kids the best i can while going through the strenuous time of not being able to be with them.She said she is very proud of me.Anyways,during our discussion she mentioned that if i wanted i could stay with her and her husband for a time so i wouldn't feel the stress of having an apartment while trying to find a job there.

I can see some positive things in that,but i'm not sure as it might be best if i did things on my own.Things with my wife aren't going well as she makes it seems either.I guess this guy shes with collects a disability check for roughly $600 per month,and she supposedly started a new job at a place where they have a KFC/Taco Bell in the same place as a cook.However,shes always asking her mother for money and obviously me as well.I have no problem buying things for my kids as they're my responsibility,but i'm not giving her money to support her.She made this decision and it's on her to support herself now.

I can proudly say that i haven't cried in a week now as i've realized as yes it does hurt,but it doesn't do me any good to put myself through this misery.My oldest son is turning three the 17th of this month which i'll unfortunately miss,but i plan on getting him a bike with training wheels.I'm looking at being able to watch him ride it soon.Our five year anniversary is coming up next month on the 23rd which i'll miss as well.It will be a tough day for me as it will be a celebration of our love we once had for eachother (well,she once had for me as i haven't changed in the way i feel).She still hasn't filed for divorce yet,so maybe there still is a chance.

I've been thinking lately though.I love her yes,but shes actually cheating on me right now as we're still legally married.If we do work on things it will be tough for me to trust her again.At first it would be tough and i would eventually get over the things that have occured.It will take time to make those feelings fade.I'm not sure if i would need to set some guidelines/rules down such as no contact with this man or just trust that if she really wanted to make it work she wouldn't see or talk to him anymore.Um,lets see,we both needing to work.Get back into church as she has always told me she wanted our boys to be brought up in church.Also,MC wouldn't hurt either.

Sorry this has been so long.I had a lot to catch up on.Thoughts?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

gw326 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> My wife and i have been married what would be five years on October 23rd.However,she broke the news to me that she wanted a divorce on Fathers Day.A little background on the situation..
> 
> Well,i ended up moving back home and i already have a job working in a Warehouse.I miss not just my boys but i still miss her and i'm in love with her still so it's killing me inside and i'm left wondering what could i have done different,or what would it take to maybe ,just maybe make her change her mind.I asked if she would liked to get counseling before i left to which she said no.Asked if she was cheating on me and she said no.Finally,i asked what about just being seperated for awhile? Her response was " It's too late,i've made up my mind ".


you asked he if she was having an affair???? why???

as to her response "i've made up my mind", okay, then has she filed for divorce? oh, no? maybe her mind isn't quite made up yet.

now, i'll bite my tongue and not say the next thing i want to say. it might sound something like this: why not file before her? call her bluff. i'm sitting on the edge in limbo and it sucks. wish i'd have had more guts.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

gw326 said:


> Little update followed by a question..
> 
> Lately my wife and i have been talking quite a bit.Not about us getting back together or anything but whats going on in her and the kids lives,etc.Before she would call and let me talk to the kids for a few minutes then that would be pretty much it.However,lately when we talk we talk for atleast 20-30 minutes each time.We've been laughing a lot and just getting along really well.
> 
> ...


looking for signs? yes. this is a good one. keep doing whatever you're doing.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

*now, i'll bite my tongue and not say the next thing i want to say. it might sound something like this: why not file before her? call her bluff. i'm sitting on the edge in limbo and it sucks. wish i'd have had more guts. *

I haven't filed nor will i as i don't even want this situation i'm currently in.I want to make our marriage work.If she wants the divorce then she will file herself.However,i honestly think she doesn't want that and was just upset with how things were going.I haven't called her ,but lately shes been calling me and asking " why haven't you called? " 

I'm thinking when she said that if you want this so bad then why would you care if i called or not.Like i said she doesn't really want it to come to that.Just my opinion though and you all might think differently.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Well,spoke to my mother-in-law earlier tonight and found out some interesting news.I guess my wife is finding out the grass isn't greener on the other side as my wife called her yesterday crying and wanting to leave with our kids to live with her mom again.I dont know what went on or anything,but then i guess she called later on saying they worked their problems out.Makes you wonder,doesn't it? I just wish she gave our marriage the chance to work through our problems like she is with this OM.Who knows maybe we will.Time will tell.I plan on being back so i can atleast be with my kids by Mid-November now.Looking forward 'til that day!


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Talked to my wife earlier having a decent discussion.Talked about our oldest sons birthday coming up next week and such.However,without me asking about what i already knew she mentioned to me about the arguement between her and the OM on Saturday.She said things are okay now,but then said i dont know.For some reason she asked if i was seeing someone else or talking to another woman.For the ladies here,if she is indeed moving on like she says she is then why would she want to know if i'm seeing someone else? Anyways,she also acknowledged how great i've been doing with taking care of the kids by buying whatever the kids i need.She also for some reason wanted to know where i was going to live as i guess she found out her mother/step-father offered for me to stay with them.I told her i didn't know right now because i really don't.She apologized for lying to me once again about her and the OM.Finally,she noticed i guess by the tone in my voice or how i was acting that i was doing much better emotionally.Thoughts would be very appreciated here.

Thanks.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Small update:

I'm moving back to Arkansas on October 9th so i can be with my boys.I can't stand being away from them any longer.My wife seems like she might be coming around as shes asked me several times recently ," when are you coming back " and yesterday said quietly so nobody else could hear what she was saying ," get your butt down here ".

However,i'm not going to worry too much about her and i ,but myself and my boys.If it happens that we work things out then great but if not then it's okay as well.My oldest turns three this Thursday.I bought him a bike so i'm looking forward to watching him ride it.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

OK here goes an update.I ended up moving back late september and we got back together.shortly after returning we found out she was pregnant with the other mans baby. Being the person i am i stuck by her side as he wanted nothing to do with the baby so i told ill be his dad.things went great for awhile as i landed a great paying job,she gave birth to the baby but then she had to have her gull bladder removed.i took care of her and the three boys while she recovered. Several months pass and our sex life went to virtually nothing at all.she would not want to spend time with me as much.then one day she says the d word again.its been over a month since they left and i havent been served yet but theres already a court date set which is weird as i thought i had to be served first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

wow!!! what an emotional rollercoaster....


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