# Fitness test



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Just started reading Married man sex primer and its interesting to say the least. Just finished up the part about how a wife does these fitness tests. I have to say I never really thought about it like that.

So that was the last part of the book i read before going to bed. This morning the wife and I are downstairs getting ready for work. She forgot her purse upstairs and asked me to get it so she could leave quicker. My first instinct was to do it but as I took that first step, I swear i heard warning sirens going off in my head.....

That along with my inner voice saying STOP STUPID! This is the classic example used in the book....shes making you do something she can do her damn self. Immediately I turned around and told her to do it herself because I had to get to work too. She got a little annoyed but didnt put up a fight and off she went.

Nice little baby step on the way to recovery using the MAP.


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## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

Or make her pay someway for it if you do go out of your way to get it. Yesterday my wife couldn't pick up our son, do to work, so I did. Ran into backup from an accident and lights out at a major intersection. Took forever. Texted her she was going to pay for it that night. She seemed to enjoy it.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Your wife is in a hurry,
So she asks you to help her so she can leave quicker
And 
That's a fitness test?
That's really stupid
I'm sure you can see that
Husbands and wives are supposed to help one another
Marriage is not about retaining your independence
Its about interdepence.
Focus on being a good man, not "alpha" man
Clearly it causes you not think clearly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Your wife is in a hurry,
> So she asks you to help her so she can leave quicker
> And
> That's a fitness test?
> ...


That sounds great in theory until you end up being expected to wait on her hand and foot.

My wife used to leave her drink glass in the family room every night. I would help out and put it away for her. All seems fine until she chews me out one night when I forgot to do it. So my "nice helping ehr out" turns into the expected behavior. 

I don't know if that is the case here. I do think the OP should think about what the expectations are in the marriage and if there is balance. If there is not, declining a few of these opportunities to be her butler are a good idea. If there is balance, then no need to say no just to say no.


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## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

He said he needed to go too. I assume he wasn't just sitting around. She could plan better. NGs consistently give in and the SO starts to expect it.

I have had instances where my wife just automatically asks for something and then a couple of seconds later decides she can do it herself. If I am getting a drink out of the frig and she asks for something, I am more than happy to do it. Just don't expect me to do it when I have my legs up in the same room as her else she has to pay for the privilege somehow. I better get paid well to be her maid or it isn't happening again!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

humanbecoming said:


> I think there is a big difference between the two though. Personal laziness should never be rewarded, whilst helping your partner when there is actual need (SHE was running late, not him) is what a partnership is about.


Well, that is not what was posted. She wanted him to do that so "she could leave quicker." Maybe she was late and this was nothing more than her asking for some help. Alteratively, maybe she just wanted an early start and she was asking him to go upstairs because she was too lazy to do it.

Again, the OP needs to take a look at their relationship as a whole to see what patterns they have and where this might fall.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Sorry, don't quite see that as a test. 

For me, tests are easy to spot. For one, the action, inaction, comment, etc., will usually tick me off or make me think "wtf", or otherwise make me uncomfortable. In other words, it's bullchit, and I know it. 

In younger days when I didn't think I was as "worthy" I'd keep my mouth shut. Which usually led to more of the same (escelation) from her.

A request for a favor does not typically reach that point for me. I'd have thrown her a "sure babe", and got the purse. Now, if there was some comment during or after (what's taking so long...what took you so long", then THAT is something to be addressed. 

Tests are usually to see how much increasingly unreasonable behavior (comments, requests, demands, laziness, snarkiness, etc) you'll put up with. Get you "jumping through hoops". 

I'd pick more clear cut and deinite places to make a stand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

It is possible to start to read these fitness tests into everything she is doing. You will get better at it. I have and know she treats me a little better all the time. 

That may have been a fitness test but maybe not. If however you responded in kind by saying " I really can't honey I'm just on my way out the door". You passed regardless.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

My point was we were both getting ready for work. Whether or not i did what she asked would not have made any difference time wise. She didnt have anything else to do but wait if i did what she asked. obviously if she had her hands full or had other tasks to do and was late thats a different story and that wasnt the case here.

I have been to beta in my marriage and it has caused issues im not happy about which is why i picked up the book to begin with. It could have been written about me because its eerily accurate.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> My point was we were both getting ready for work. Whether or not i did what she asked would not have made any difference time wise. She didnt have anything else to do but wait if i did what she asked. obviously if she had her hands full or had other tasks to do and was late thats a different story and that wasnt the case here.
> 
> I have been to beta in my marriage and it has caused issues im not happy about which is why i picked up the book to begin with. It could have been written about me because its eerily accurate.


Fair enough then if she was ready except for grabbing her bag. It would be a different matter if she was elbow deep in the kitchen sink washing the dishes you both used or if she was running around after kids.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Bellavista said:


> Fair enough then if she was ready except for grabbing her bag. It would be a different matter if she was elbow deep in the kitchen sink washing the dishes you both used or if she was running around after kids.


Agreed. Seems to me that you got this one right.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> Just started reading Married man sex primer and its interesting to say the least. Just finished up the part about how a wife does these fitness tests. I have to say I never really thought about it like that.
> 
> So that was the last part of the book i read before going to bed. This morning the wife and I are downstairs getting ready for work. She forgot her purse upstairs and asked me to get it so she could leave quicker. My first instinct was to do it but as I took that first step, I swear i heard warning sirens going off in my head.....
> 
> ...


You probably didn't say it exactly like this either, I imagine. It just read cold and hard to me especially when you are talking to the woman you love.

I agree with letting her know she needed to get it herself once I read your second post.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Fitness tests are called sh!t tests for a reason. They are a test(generally conducted by women) evaluating how much sh!t you're willing to take or how fit your boundaries are. It is not to be confused with really needing something.

Now, this particular one was pretty on the border. She was late, she needed her bag, but you were at a same distance to it and you had to get going, too. This may be non-fitness test, meaning she may have actually really needed it. The drinking glass stuff is more obvious but this is too risky. I don't know what I would have done.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Tall 
I could provide many many examples of the scenario you just described. 

I do the nice stuff until I get treated like a servant at which point I smile and go on a wildcat strike. 

Fyi: I don't see this in reverse. The man doesn't ask his wife to do something he could do himself just as easily.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> Fyi: I don't see this in reverse. The man doesn't ask his wife to do something he could do himself just as easily.


I agree. I have often asked myself how come the converse doesn't apply in this situation?
Maybe it is because men are conditioned to treat women in a certain kind of way,and sometimes women themselves feel entitled to this treatment.
I think its something women do unconsciously sometimes.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> The man doesn't ask his wife to do something he could do himself just as easily.


Really? Never asked your wife to grab you a beer? I asked for one last night. She was up and I was sitting. It works both ways though. Or offering, for that matter.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

T&T said:


> Really? Never asked your wife to grab you a beer? I asked for one last night. She was up and I was sitting. It works both ways though. Or offering, for that matter.


I do that, and she does that for me. I have no problem with it, and we both ask each other if one of us is already getting up. To me, this is just courtesy, not a fitness test. I, however, have never asked my wife to get up to get me something when I could just as easily have done it. She has, albeit only a handful of times.

Most men don't, though I can say I have seen a couple who do. Their wives seem to do it without complaint. I don't get that.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I do want to focus on this theme for a moment.

One of you is sitting and the other is going into the kitchen to get a drink. In that scenario asking the person already getting a drink to get you one is completely different than the 'parity' scenario. 

Btw: my wife brings me hot tea in the morning almost every day. Think of it as 'tea in bed'. Likewise I bring her a drink or two and her mess almost every night. 

She was initially remarkably resistant to bringing me tea despite the fact our night time routine had been in place for so long I don't remember. Now she does it with a smile. 









Tall Average Guy said:


> I do that, and she does that for me. I have no problem with it, and we both ask each other if one of us is already getting up. To me, this is just courtesy, not a fitness test. I, however, have never asked my wife to get up to get me something when I could just as easily have done it. She has, albeit only a handful of times.
> 
> Most men don't, though I can say I have seen a couple who do. Their wives seem to do it without complaint. I don't get that.


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