# Introducing a New Child into Family



## mom1127 (Apr 30, 2015)

A few years ago my husband and I were notified that an ex of his is claiming that her child is also his. We knew of the allegations and when she told him he asked for a DNA test. She refused so in turn he refused any support or to see the child. We had three children at that time and he is a great father. I always kept the mother informed of our address and phone number in the event that she wanted to contact us regarding doing a DNA test. After going to court the little girl in question is his daughter. How should we continue with this? The mother wants child support (we don't object so long as its within reason) and NO visitation.

Any suggestions for dealing with the very angry and bitter mother? How should we tell our children about this child? The mother doesn't want anything to do with us at all. But my husband was granted visitation. Who should be the one to tell the child (she's 10 yrs old) who he is? The mother has had two different men take on the fatherly role. 

So far the mother is trying to stop the visitation but was ordered to comply with visitation. We offered the mother to do supervised visits if she'd like but she declined. My husband and I don't want to overwhelm the little girl with our large family right away. How should we go about this? His first visit is scheduled for Saturday.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long is the first visit? 

Where is the first visit?

You talk about a large family, how many children do you have? What are their ages?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

She has to comply. Call the cops if she refuses, and you and your husband should sit with her privately and tell her who he is. Give her a little while to process and depending on how she takes it you can tell her she has siblings that would love to meet her. 

Who knows, she might take it well.

Why is the mother so angry and bitter?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I say you and H meet with her the first time. Bring some pictures of your family. Let her see them. It might be exciting for her, but also scary. 

The first time just talk and visit. The second visit go do something fun with all the kids. It may take time, but she can blend into the family.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you introduce the young girl to your children, it might be best to have the first meeting away from your home... sort of on neutral ground so that she is not overwhelmed walking into a home where she is the outsider.

Then as a group, got to your home.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

First your husband meets with her. They play board games, take a walk, go to a park, Chuck E Cheese (although that's likely for younger kids) He explains he is her real biological father and that he didn't know he had another daughter. He tells the little girl about his wife and children, he shows pictures. Maybe even a note from you saying you're excited to meet her and that you welcome her into your family. Remind her that she is your husbands daughter and you plan to love her and welcome her just like you love and welcome all of your husbands children. Do not use "our children" because that sets her apart.

The goal is to help her assimilate into your family. So she feels a sense of belonging and not a sense of being different.

After she meets with H long enough and often enough that those two have a good rapport going, then she meets with you and H, not your other kids. She needs to feel comfortable with you before she is brought into the whole family.

Once it's time to bring her into the whole family, bring her into the home with your kids gone. Let her check out the whole house, everyone's bedroom, talk about how things are done, expectations for the kids, house rules, sharing toys or not sharing toys...

The next visit she meets the kids at a park, neutral ground. Family event. On neutral ground the kids will be less protective of their territory (their daddy) and more open to just getting to know their new sister.


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## lindacolbert (Apr 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> When you introduce the young girl to your children, it might be best to have the first meeting away from your home... sort of on neutral ground so that she is not overwhelmed walking into a home where she is the outsider.
> 
> Then as a group, got to your home.


This is a great advice. It would be really helpful as well as comfortable for the girl too. Well, what's her name?


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