# How to find out if she is a freak in the sheets? It is a must for me.



## bobsmith

It seems so shallow but I have realized over the years with my ex that one of the things I loved about her was some fun experimentation. 

I have been here before, date, have fun, finally sleep together, she is a dead moose in the bed.... I had one that was really nice but so was super soft and had a really soft touch... It was almost a turn off. I am not a rough houser in the bed but I like a little aggression. 

I mean, how do you try to care for someone, try to move forward, yet know that if she will not do certain things, it might be a deal breaker? I almost want to ask certain questions right off!

I only found two women in my life that swallowed, one was my ex, the other was a fling when my ex threw me out years ago. I really wish I had attraction to my fling because she was very wealthy, a doctor, nuts about me, and would pull that out and handle everything! Girl was amazing! 

What I have realized is who I want to date and who I want in bed are almost two different people. I really need a good family values small town girl but if we can't get dirty, I am going to get depressed....

My ex let me try anal a few times but was not very open to it. I was not real happy. I did anything she wanted, ever...


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## Personal

Hmmm.

Ummm.



bobsmith said:


> What I have realized is who I want to date and who I want in bed are almost two different people. I really need a good family values small town girl but if we can't get dirty, I am going to get depressed....






bobsmith said:


> My ex let me try anal a few times but was not very open to it. I was not real happy. I did anything she wanted, ever...


Really!?


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## Maneo

Geez pal, you just described the stereotypical, cliche male fantasy. Wanting a sweet girl next door type who is a tigress in bed. 

If someone put what you wrote in a book or movie, it would be panned as trite and one dimensional. 

You described looks and sex. What about her brains, her feelings, her personality? In short, what about all the other things that will be the dominant factors for the majority of your waking time together?


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## NextTimeAround

It seems that you would be better off asking this question in the men's section. What would we (hetero) women know about spotting a freak in the bed from street level.


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## alexm

It is shallow, but it's also okay to be shallow sometimes! I mean, you are looking for both a good partner AND a freak. If freakiness was the only thing that mattered, that would be really shallow.

In any case, you won't know unless she either tells you up front, or after you've had sex. Obviously it's not something you can really ask.

You can't tell by looking, either. I've known women who come across as being freaky in bed, but are totally not, and the opposite as well. There's no surefire indication until you've done the deed - and even then, it may take a few times for it to surface.

I guess the best way to go about it is to post an ad on a dating site that outlines what you are looking for. However it will be you and 2000 other guys all saying the same thing.

I've never been on a dating website before, but the guys I know who have don't have much success. As I understand it, women get to inundated with messages that they rarely reply, let alone read them all, and they can afford to be totally picky in whom they choose to send a message to. It's a woman's market at those places, for sure.


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## Married but Happy

It's an interesting problem, OP, with no good solution other than to have sex with them a few times and find out. Some women are very open about sex and will talk about it freely, and that's often a good indicator. Those who shy away from sexual talk more often have inhibitions or issues. Of course, the first date is NOT the time to ask these questions or make suggestive comments - UNLESS she brings up the subject first.

I had success with online dating. In my profile the only sexual reference I had was that I hoped to find someone with a healthy libido. If we communicated a while before meeting, sex and libido would often get discussed _eventually_. A lot can be intuited from the responses - and some responses can be very direct and explicit. This correlated well with actual performance in most cases.

One more point about online dating: in my experience, women who _initiate _contact are far more likely to know what they want, and be confident and assertive, including sexually. Many are also wonderful people, so if you are put off by such confidence, you are probably excluding the very women you want to meet.


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## Caribbean Man

bobsmith said:


> It seems so shallow but I have realized over the years with my ex that one of the things I loved about her was some fun experimentation.
> 
> I have been here before, date, have fun, finally sleep together, she is a dead moose in the bed.... I had one that was really nice but so was super soft and had a really soft touch... It was almost a turn off. I am not a rough house in the bed but I like a little aggression.
> 
> I mean, how do you try to care for someone, try to move forward, yet know that if she will not do certain things, it might be a deal breaker? I almost want to ask certain questions right off!
> 
> I only found two women in my life that swallowed, one was my ex, the other was a fling when my ex threw me out years ago. I really wish I had attraction to my fling because she was very wealthy, a doctor, nuts about me, and would pull that out and handle everything! Girl was amazing!
> 
> What I have realized is who I want to date and who I want in bed are almost two different people. I really need a good family values small town girl but if we can't get dirty, I am going to get depressed....
> 
> My ex let me try anal a few times but was not very open to it. I was not real happy. I did anything she wanted, ever...


And what exactly are you bringing to the table?

Because we are only entitled to get out of a relationship exactly what we put into it.

So you want a woman who puts out sexually , while at the same time hold traditional family values.
There are lots of couples, including myself , who have traditional family values _and_ great sex at the same time.
No dichotomy between both. 

But thinking that you are entitled to both without lifting a finger to do the necessary work , is setting up yourself for failure.

So if you want that kind of performance from a woman , you must first be the type of man that a woman like that would be excited and willing to put out for.


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## 3Xnocharm

I cant believe you posted this in the Ladies' Lounge! 

Going into a relationship with a checklist of expectations is the surest way to failure and not getting what you want. Most women need to feel safe with their partner to let their freak side out. Are you that kind of partner? I can say that if a man came at me with the expectation that I am to be a "freak" in bed and to do XY and Z with him, he can just show himself the door.


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## jld

3Xnocharm said:


> Most women need to feel safe with their partner to let their freak side out.


It is all about earning her trust, OP. 

You earn the marriage you have.


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## samyeagar

3Xnocharm said:


> I cant believe you posted this in the Ladies' Lounge!
> 
> Going into a relationship with a checklist of expectations is the surest way to failure and not getting what you want. Most women need to feel safe with their partner to let their freak side out. Are you that kind of partner? I can say that i*f a man came at me with the expectation that I am to be a "freak" in bed and to do XY and Z with him, he can just show himself the door*.


Then his checklist saved the both of you a lot of time, and potential hurt...no?


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## DoF

One of the reasons our marriage has been so successful. My wife is a great girl that has amazing family values........get her in bed and she is a freak.

Those 2 factors had a LOT to do with the fact that I married her, AND our marriage success.


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## jld

samyeagar said:


> Then his checklist saved the both of you a lot of time, and potential hurt...no?


Yes.

Nothing wrong with having expectations and deal breakers. And being upfront about them, and sticking to them, if you continue to really believe in them, can indeed save wasted effort for both people.


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## samyeagar

Maneo said:


> Geez pal, you just described the stereotypical, cliche male fantasy. Wanting a sweet girl next door type who is a tigress in bed.
> 
> If someone put what you wrote in a book or movie, it would be panned as trite and one dimensional.
> 
> You described looks and sex. What about her brains, her feelings, her personality? In short, what about all the other things that will be the dominant factors for the majority of your waking time together?


Why should he be shamed for having physical preferences? What makes her personality, brains more important?


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## SimplyAmorous

bobsmith said:


> What I have realized is who I want to date and who I want in bed are almost two different people. *I really need a good family values small town girl but if we can't get dirty, I am going to get depressed.*...


 Someone mentioned this is shallow, I don't really think so at all... it's the ultimate utopia.. even in my own mind..

Turn this around.. I feel this way about MEN... I want the older fashioned gentlemen who only has eyes for his woman.. ..but yeah.. give me some of that BAD BOY in bed.. just for ME...I'm thinking when someone does have this at home....it's not something they are likely to let go of.. 

Also these women would be very particular to which type men she allows in her life, to whom she attaches herself to ...going with what CM is saying... "So if you want that kind of performance from a woman , you must first be the type of man that a woman like that would be excited and willing to put out for"...will you meet what she is seeking also?

I married the Gentleman "family values type" who easily brings 100% on that front... but he does struggle to Be more aggressive with me.. he could step it up a little more...(though I wouldn't want anal)... I am more the aggressor between us, the more creative sexually saying "let's try this baby!!"... "Get over here and give it to me!"... he's happy to entertain me.. and go for that ride... if he didn't like this...we'd have issues..

So probably the bigger thing is.. do they LOVE & crave sex... do they thrive on intimacy with you.. and are UP for some new adventure, showing that enthusiasm for what you share ....that's still a KEEPER ...even if they may be a bit on the receptive side... 

After all.. we all love some enthusiasm !


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## MaritimeGuy

A former co-worker of mine used to claim a similar problem. He used to find women on the internet at those singles websites. Conversations would start out with how they liked to have guys cum on their face. Then when he started dating them he would wonder why they weren't the type you bring home to mom and more often than not tended to sleep around a lot...particularly while he was dating them. Duh...look how quickly they were prepared to discuss sex with you when you were a complete stranger. 

I really don't think finding both is all that uncommon. I think most well adjusted confident women are prepared to be experimental with a man they trust.


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## 6301

Problem is, you search and search and you finally find your "Freak in the Sheets" and all is cool until you get real serious.......................then the thought comes up, "Who else has she been freaky with" and what else did she do that she's not telling me. Oh my God I wonder if she's done a gang bang, made porn, is a swinger, and if she's this freaky and I misfire once in a while, will she go looking for a guy just as freaky as her.

Be careful what you wish for because you just may get it.


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## DoF

6301 said:


> Problem is, you search and search and you finally find your "Freak in the Sheets" and all is cool until you get real serious.......................then the thought comes up, "Who else has she been freaky with" and what else did she do that she's not telling me. Oh my God I wonder if she's done a gang bang, made porn, is a swinger, and if she's this freaky and I misfire once in a while, will she go looking for a guy just as freaky as her.
> 
> Be careful what you wish for because you just may get it.


Outside of Porn, nudes and STD, none of that is any of my business and should not be discussed in a relationship, as it simply doesn't apply or matter.

I don't want to know!


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## treyvion

MaritimeGuy said:


> A former co-worker of mine used to claim a similar problem. He used to find women on the internet at those singles websites. Conversations would start out with how they liked to have guys cum on their face. Then when he started dating them he would wonder why they weren't the type you bring home to mom and more often than not tended to sleep around a lot...particularly while he was dating them. Duh...look how quickly they were prepared to discuss sex with you when you were a complete stranger.
> 
> I really don't think finding both is all that uncommon. I think most well adjusted confident women are prepared to be experimental with a man they trust.


He found what he was looking for, a "freak". A "freak" will be in "freak" mode with you. You will usually maintain the relationship you start out with.


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## MaritimeGuy

6301 said:


> Problem is, you search and search and you finally find your "Freak in the Sheets" and all is cool until you get real serious.......................then the thought comes up, "Who else has she been freaky with" and what else did she do that she's not telling me. Oh my God I wonder if she's done a gang bang, made porn, is a swinger, and if she's this freaky and I misfire once in a while, will she go looking for a guy just as freaky as her.
> 
> Be careful what you wish for because you just may get it.


If you're expecting to find a virgin and have her turn into a freak than you're obviously rolling the dice. If on the other hand you find one that already is you have to be self confident enough to understand you're not her first and not be worried you won't measure up.


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## treyvion

MaritimeGuy said:


> If you're expecting to find a virgin and have her turn into a freak than you're obviously rolling the dice. If on the other hand you find one that already is you have to be self confident enough to understand you're not her first and not be worried you won't measure up.


A virgin doesn't have to ride a carousel of 100 male appendages to become good.

She can simply desire and know she wants to please her man. Over time the sex will become good.


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## PBear

I met my SO on an "adult friend" website. If I was single again, I'd sign up there ASAP. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy

treyvion said:


> He found what he was looking for, a "freak". A "freak" will be in "freak" mode with you. You will usually maintain the relationship you start out with.


The guy I'm talking about was a nut. He quit his job and found a new one 1,000 miles away to be with one of the women he found. They broke up on the two day drive to the new city. 

I think you're better off finding a woman you get along with morally, mentally and spiritually first then figuring out is she's as free sexually as you want her to be...not the other way around. And at the end of the day if you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman don't settle on any front. You'll live to regret it.


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## MaritimeGuy

treyvion said:


> A virgin doesn't have to ride a carousel of 100 male appendages to become good.
> 
> She can simply desire and know she wants to please her man. Over time the sex will become good.


I agree but if she's a virgin much beyond her teens there's a good chance she's sexually repressed or uptight. 

On the other hand a woman doesn't have to have been with 100 men before to know whether she enjoys sex or not.


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## treyvion

MaritimeGuy said:


> The guy I'm talking about was a nut. He quit his job and found a new one 1,000 miles away to be with one of the women he found. They broke up on the two day drive to the new city.
> 
> I think you're better off finding a woman you get along with morally, mentally and spiritually first then figuring out is she's as free sexually as you want her to be...not the other way around. And at the end of the day if you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman don't settle on any front. You'll live to regret it.


I hope the break up served him as a good lesson.

There is a reason men cheat on "h0es". They do it, because almost certainly they are being cheated on too.

So if you want to mess with them, you have to do what other men in that environment do. Your supposed to stack them. Some will come and others will go.


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## Faeleaf

Married but Happy said:


> It's an interesting problem, OP, with no good solution other than to have sex with them a few times and find out. Some women are very open about sex and will talk about it freely, and that's often a good indicator. Those who shy away from sexual talk more often have inhibitions or issues. Of course, the first date is NOT the time to ask these questions or make suggestive comments - UNLESS she brings up the subject first.
> 
> I had success with online dating. In my profile the only sexual reference I had was that I hoped to find someone with a healthy libido. If we communicated a while before meeting, sex and libido would often get discussed _eventually_. A lot can be intuited from the responses - and some responses can be very direct and explicit. This correlated well with actual performance in most cases.
> 
> One more point about online dating: in my experience, women who _initiate _contact are far more likely to know what they want, and be confident and assertive, including sexually. Many are also wonderful people, so if you are put off by such confidence, you are probably excluding the very women you want to meet.


What a great response. It's almost exactly what I was going to say. 

My husband was a virgin when we got married, but we still knew what we were getting into before we hit the sheets, because we talked very openly about sex, all the time. Obviously you can't say, "Hey, just wondering, are you an insatiable sex-kitten?" on a first date. But you can still bring up the subject, early in the relationship, and gauge her frankness and comfort level during the discussion. 

If a potential love interest didn't want to talk about sex, that would be a HUGE red flag for me. I would instinctively think that he/she was either a) too uncomfortable with the idea, which meant they'd likely be just as uncomfortable in bed - shy, repressed, etc, or b) just didn't think sex was important, maybe due to a very low drive plus inexperience. Or c) possibly gay.


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## firebelly1

Nice girl / freak in bed are not mutually exclusive. 

The best piece of advice I've heard about this is that when your conversation with your date gets to "what are you looking for long term?" one of the things you say is "someone who's sexually compatible with me." I liked Happy's "healthy libido" reference. That gets the conversation started and then you can get into more detail.


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## DoF

firebelly1 said:


> Nice girl / freak in bed are not mutually exclusive.
> 
> The best piece of advice I've heard about this is that when your conversation with your date gets to "what are you looking for long term?" one of the things you say is "someone who's sexually compatible with me." I liked Happy's "healthy libido" reference. That gets the conversation started and then you can get into more detail.


Correct

I'm a HUGE advocate for waiting for intimacy and getting to know the person, progress the relationship forward LONG LONG before getting into bed with the person (for MANY reason).

Obviously the con to that is that you don't know person's sexuality/smell/performance etc. 

So it's important to talk about these things early on and at least get a feel if there is compatibility.

Don't get me wrong, I will wait couple of months so that I don't get blinded with intimacy and focus on relationship, but once we are intimate, you WILL be sore and need ice at times.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening BobSmith
I don't see anything wrong with knowing what you want. As long as you don't try to use your desires to someone "value" women you are welcome to any desires or kinks you may have. You just need to be aware that in some cases it may be difficult to find women who match what you want.

Depending on where you live there may be some clubs that are frequented by the "kinky" crowd. If you are meeting people online, you can hint at what you are interested in. 

I don't think anyone considers a couple of dates to represent a commitment. In a couple of dates you can see if the conversation can be directed towards kinky sex. If your date has similar interests that drift may work quite naturally. 

"Have you seen the discussions in the UK about whether on not women should be allowed to wear Burka's in public"..."I think women should be able to wear whatever they want, whether it is a Burka, or fishnet stalkings and leather"...... pause waiting for a reply on the order of "I'd never wear my fishnet stalkings an leather in public.....". Or for a change in subject.


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## Healer

My current lover is really sweet and a total hellcat in bed. Insatiable. Now we're only having sex, not really in a relationship, so who knows what'll happen.


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## EleGirl

DoF said:


> Outside of Porn, nudes and STD, none of that is any of my business and should not be discussed in a relationship, as it simply doesn't apply or matter.
> 
> I don't want to know!


From previous TAM threads, apparently a lot of men think that any woman they get serious about needs to provide a complete list of every man she has ever dated, had sex with, etc. And a list of every sexual thing she has ever done, how many times and with whom.

I've never had a guy ask me this stuff. I've never asked if of a guy. But apparently some people (it seems mostly men) expect to have very detail of a woman's sexual history. I don't get it.


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## bandit.45

Poll her ex-boyfriends.


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## EleGirl

The way to handle this is to talk with her about what you need in a relationship. This includes sex. Do this before you ever have sex with her. Let her know before the sex what you want because if you are into things that she would not be into then let her make an informed decision about sex with you. The same goes the other way, she should also be talking to you about what she wants/expects in all areas of a relationship.

I don't get the attitude that you cannot talk about sex and expectations. But then you have sex with her and it's really an exam/interview that she has to pass or you are going to dump her.

I would be super pissed at a guy who handled it like that. What the hell? I'd feel used.

Not everyone (especially women) are willing to get their freak on until they trust the guy. So let her know ahead of time.


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## bandit.45

EleGirl said:


> From previous TAM threads, apparently a lot of men think that any woman they get serious about needs to provide a complete list of every man she has ever dated, had sex with, etc. And a list of every sexual thing she has ever done, how many times and whom.


Yeah.....so?


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## samyeagar

EleGirl said:


> From previous TAM threads, apparently a lot of men think that any woman they get serious about needs to provide a complete list of every man she has ever dated, had sex with, etc. And a list of every sexual thing she has ever done, how many times and with whom.
> 
> I've never had a guy ask me this stuff. I've never asked if of a guy. But apparently some people (it seems mostly men) expect to have very detail of a woman's sexual history. I don't get it.


Oh come on EleGirl, don't completely mischaracterize all that. Most of the guys DIDN'T want to know because they didn't care, but found things out in less than ideal ways, ways that many considered rather disrespectful. It is the feeling of disrespect that is the issue far more than any specific acts.


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## bobsmith

OP here, I think what I have been doing while trying to get my ex out of my brain is realize what I did and did not like about her. It is quite obvious there were things unrelated to sex that were a no-go. We blossomed a relationship based on sexual desires for each other. 

I will admit, she almost seemed more open than me at first but I think she was quickly surprised that toys and different experiences were exciting to me. 

One thing I realized and probably consistent with a lot of women is she wanted to do this spontaneous roll in the hay. I always did but I almost like the teasing and such first. 

I guess I don't really feel bad about having my desires and wanting to make sure my partner is open to some of this....or ALL of it. With my ex, I started doing some things I thought I would never do... I am now even religious in manscaping. 

DO NOT get me wrong though, I have already realized that basing a relationship on sex will not work out long term. I really do want to work on the connections first. I just don't want it to fall flat. 

I guess I am thinking back to my earlier years. I dated one that should have been a match made in heaven due to our families growing up together and she had her eye on me for 15yrs, since we were kids. However, I never even had sex with her because when we would get started, I just could not even tell if she had desire or did not know what to do... I just hate girls that just lay there. 

I still daze back to high school thinking of the one that got away! Girl was VERY much a virgin, religious, sweetest thing you would ever meet and I was totally addicted. When we got about any chance to be alone, she almost could not stop herself. Girl was horny as hel!!!

I am thinking back because I remember the connection we had and the feelings I had. I need to find another one like THAT but they are all taken now.... I should have fixed that deal!


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## EleGirl

samyeagar said:


> Oh come on EleGirl, don't completely mischaracterize all that. Most of the guys DIDN'T want to know because they didn't care, but found things out in less than ideal ways, ways that many considered rather disrespectful. It is the feeling of disrespect that is the issue far more than any specific acts.


What I recall is that most of the guys said that they specifically ask for full disclosure. Maybe someone could find some of the threads.


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## EasyPartner

For Christ's sakes, have sex with her already.


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## richardsharpe

bobsmith said:


> I am thinking back because I remember the connection we had and the feelings I had. I need to find another one like THAT but they are all taken now.... I should have fixed that deal!


:nono::nono::nono::nono::nono:

Forget all the romance novel C***. There is not just one perfect person for you, and if you lose them you will never find another. There are lots of wonderful people out there. Some are in relationships now, but that may change, some are available. You just need to find them.

You really don't know that much about the girl you dated in the past -maybe she would have been good for you, maybe not. It doesn't matter.

I love my wife, we've been together pretty much since we were 18 and we're in our 50s now. But if for some reason she were not here, I know 3 other women that seem like wonderful people. If my wife were abducted by aliens, or left me or something, I would find happiness with someone else.

If I were hit by a bus or something I very much hope my wife would find someone to make her happy - and I think she would. 

There are what, 3 billion women on the planet - surely you don't think you met the only one who could possibly be right for you in high school.


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## bobsmith

Richard, that is the EXACT mind set I had in high school!!! lol Just no way I really feel this way, there are others, etc. Way too young to be tied down!!! However, I have yet to meet another.... Sucks for me. I blame some of my friend circles for that. Lots of ritzy snotty brats. But, I guess it was easy in the dating pools because I knew if they dated one of my friends, they were not for me because my girl would not like that sort....

LOL, that is actually what happen with my HS ex. A snotty friend of mine took me when he visited her at her home one summer. He was an idiot but I had her figured in 5min. He said "I am going to nail her"..... I just waited all summer to see how that went down... She never talked to him. He is also one of those pretty boys that is better looking than me....lol I straight put the smack on him in HS with that cool play.


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## Wolf1974

EleGirl said:


> From previous TAM threads, apparently a lot of men think that any woman they get serious about needs to provide a complete list of every man she has ever dated, had sex with, etc. And a list of every sexual thing she has ever done, how many times and with whom.
> 
> I've never had a guy ask me this stuff. I've never asked if of a guy. But apparently some people (it seems mostly men) expect to have very detail of a woman's sexual history. I don't get it.


Yes.... Why is full disclosure wrong? I know all about my Gf sexual past and her mine. If she was evasive about it that would be concerning.


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## EleGirl

Wolf1974 said:


> Yes.... Why is full disclosure wrong? I know all about my Gf sexual past and her mine. If she was evasive about it that would be concerning.


If you need full disclosure then that's what you need. If your partner/wife agrees to full disclosure then that ok. 

But in my way of thinking.. for me.. it makes no sense. If I am dating a man and he needs full disclosure of everyone I've had sex with and of every position I've done, how many times and with whom.... he'd better tell me upfront, before we have sex, before we get too involved.

I can see asking about things like being a stripper, prostitute, sex crimes, any felonies or other crimes, how many times married and/or how man long term marriages... and a general # of how many each has had sex with.

But I see asking/demanding a list of each sex partner, sexual positions, how many times with each position and who with.. to be very obsessive. I have no doubt that it will be dug up and used as fodder to attack the partner over and over. Such as you did X with guy A so you had better do it with me. 

I've seen too many guys on TAM take that approach. They ask for info and then later use it against the woman.


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## Wolf1974

EleGirl said:


> If you need full disclosure then that's what you need. If your partner/wife agrees to full disclosure then that ok.
> 
> But in my way of thinking.. for me.. it makes no sense. If I am dating a man and he needs full disclosure of everyone I've had sex with and of every position I've done, how many times and with whom.... he'd better tell me upfront, before we have sex, before we get too involved.
> 
> I can see asking about things like being a stripper, prostitute, sex crimes, any felonies or other crimes, how many times married and/or how man long term marriages... and a general # of how many each has had sex with.
> 
> But I see asking/demanding a list of each sex partner, sexual positions, how many times with each position and who with.. to be very obsessive. I have no doubt that it will be dug up and used as fodder to attack the partner over and over. Such as you did X with guy A so you had better do it with me.
> 
> I've seen too many guys on TAM take that approach. They ask for info and then later use it against the woman.


Nice if not typical over exaggeration but if that's ok with you then cool by me. I don't ask all the positions she was in and frequency but you tend to take things to extreme and forget their is middle ground.

But yes if I am having sex with someone and wanting to build a future with them I do want certain facts disclosed. Number of sexual partners for one. When talking about sex openly with your partner, unless a virign, they already have a sexual past so things are going to come up.


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## EleGirl

Wolf1974 said:


> Nice if not typical over exaggeration but if that's ok with you then cool by me. I don't ask all the positions she was in and frequency but you tend to take things to extreme and forget their is middle ground.


In the post you responded to I specifically said that I was talking about someone who required that his partner reveal every thing down to the list of names, positions, who she did the positions with and how many times. There are men on TAM who have said that this is what they require.

If you are not one of these guys then your reply did not make it clear.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

If it's important to you, make it a dating question. A woman to whom it's important as well won't mind answering because she'll understand it's an important dating question. The rest of them who might be taken aback or offended, you don't want to bother with anyhow. 

How to find out? Ahhhhh, maybe you are looking for a woman who doesn't understand a direct question? It's a ridiculous question you are asking about how to find out. It's not as though it's a car you need to test drive, or a dog who may know a few tricks, or a cat who might be afraid of random housekeeping devices (broom, toilet scrubber, certain vacuum attachments)...a woman is human and can understand your question and the importance of it just fine.


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## Wolf1974

EleGirl said:


> In the post you responded to I specifically said that I was talking about someone who required that his partner reveal every thing down to the list of names, positions, who she did the positions with and how many times. There are men on TAM who have said that this is what they require.
> 
> If you are not one of these guys then your reply did not make it clear.


Well it's a bit of semantics. You didn't say every position in your post, The first one I quoted. I thought you meant sexual acts such as anal, oral, outdoor ect...And yes I do want to know those. 

it's CERTAINLY not a male only thing as I have been asked these very questions of what sexual acts I have done with previous partners. One did ask me what was my favorite position with a previous lover, I did not feel as inclined to ask her the same question but I did answer hers.


People run the gambit on what they want to know and don't know. I prefer a full disclosure and am willing to give the same in return. I have never used it to punish anyone but I do make informed decisions this way about what I can expect of if we are compatibale for sure.


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## over20

richardsharpe said:


> :nono::nono::nono::nono::nono:
> 
> Forget all the romance novel C***. There is not just one perfect person for you, and if you lose them you will never find another. There are lots of wonderful people out there. Some are in relationships now, but that may change, some are available. You just need to find them.
> 
> You really don't know that much about the girl you dated in the past -maybe she would have been good for you, maybe not. It doesn't matter.
> 
> I love my wife, we've been together pretty much since we were 18 and we're in our 50s now. But if for some reason she were not here, I know 3 other women that seem like wonderful people. If my wife were abducted by aliens, or left me or something, I would find happiness with someone else.
> 
> If I were hit by a bus or something I very much hope my wife would find someone to make her happy - and I think she would.
> 
> There are what, 3 billion women on the planet - surely you don't think you met the only one who could possibly be right for you in high school.


excellent post :iagree:


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## RandomDude

> How to find out if she is a freak in the sheets? It is a must for me.


Seriously? *sigh*

Only one way to find out unfortunately, and I'm sure you know how. Furthermore, give it a month or so before you come to any conclusion in regards to her sexual personality and drive.


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## tennisstar

Just be careful asking this info too early when dating. I was divorced for over 10 years and dated a lot. When men would zero in whether or not I liked this or that sexually, it often seemed that is all they were interested in. I am all for discussing sex, but when it is done too early, I feel like the man I not interested in me, just in hitting the sack. Many women who have dated a while have been warned when a man starts talking about sex to be careful because that's all he wants. Just keep this is mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Haiku

Surely you can get get some idea by talking with her can't you? I mean you do communicate right; or do the two of you sit there staring at each other all tense? (j/k)


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## SunnyT

First of all.... there are lots of us nice girl/freak in the sheets out here!

Secondly..... there was some good advice about bringing it up in conversation....even before sex ever happens. You've GOT to be able to talk about it. Who needs to talk about vanilla sex? If you are going to get all dirty and messy with someone you should at least be able to TALK to them!  

I do think that more freakier partners wouldn't mind talking about it anyway..... but if she's the nice, next door type outside of the bedroom, she'd probably be shy about bringing it up. So it's to your benefit to do so!


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## MaritimeGuy

tennisstar said:


> Just be careful asking this info too early when dating. I was divorced for over 10 years and dated a lot. When men would zero in whether or not I liked this or that sexually, it often seemed that is all they were interested in. I am all for discussing sex, but when it is done too early, I feel like the man I not interested in me, just in hitting the sack. Many women who have dated a while have been warned when a man starts talking about sex to be careful because that's all he wants. Just keep this is mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sex may not be the only thing the guy is interested in but is a must have. He may be having the conversation early on to avoid wasting time on a relationship that can't succeed. I appreciate it's hard to know his motivations at the time...just wanted to point of the other side.


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## happy as a clam

OP,

I'm a "nice gal" with old-fashioned values. I also "get my freak on" in bed. But it's because of WHO I'M WITH and the amazing relationship *we've developed TOGETHER*. I certainly could not reproduce this amazing relationship (sexual and otherwise) with just ANYONE.

People are freaks in bed *because they have all the other dynamics going on... *attraction, chemistry, love, respect, trust, devotion, honesty, intimacy, trusting the other person enough to make themselves vulnerable, etc.

I think you're going about this wrong. The two of you become freaks in bed TOGETHER...


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## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I cant believe you posted this in the Ladies' Lounge!
> 
> Going into a relationship with a checklist of expectations is the surest way to failure and not getting what you want. Most women need to feel safe with their partner to let their freak side out. Are you that kind of partner? I can say that if a man came at me with the expectation that I am to be a "freak" in bed and to do XY and Z with him, he can just show himself the door.


Me, too. Can you imagine someone asking you right off the bat/on the first date? 

I would be like, NEXT.

Bobsmith, this is one of these things that is pretty simple: dating is for finding out if you are compatible. If you date someone and discover you aren't compatible, then break it off and try with someone else til you find someone who is more your speed/into what you like. 

Telling a woman you need a woman who swallows on the first outing is really tasteless so I wouldn't recommend it.


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## happy as a clam

Jellybeans said:


> Telling a woman you need a woman who swallows on the first outing is really tasteless so *I wouldn't recommend it.*


:rofl:

I can just picture THAT conversation on the first date...

"So, how long have you lived in L.A.?"
"Do you like your current job?"
"What's your favorite movie?"
"Do you *spit or swallow?!?!"*

Date --> over.

:lol:


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## Jellybeans

Yeah. 

But you know what, on second thought, I'd almost prefer a man would just cut to the chase like that. That way I won't waste time knowing what he cares most about.


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## SimplyAmorous

happy as a clam said:


> OP,
> 
> *I'm a "nice gal" with old-fashioned values. I also "get my freak on" in bed. But it's because of WHO I'M WITH and the amazing relationship we've developed TOGETHER. I certainly could not reproduce this amazing relationship (sexual and otherwise) with just ANYONE.
> 
> People are freaks in bed because they have all the other dynamics going on... attraction, chemistry, love, respect, trust, devotion, honesty, intimacy, trusting the other person enough to make themselves vulnerable, etc.
> 
> I think you're going about this wrong. The two of you become freaks in bed TOGETHER..*.


Excellent post ! ! Yes.. THIS !! :smthumbup::smthumbup: 

I think I come from a unique perspective... most of our friends are conservative minded.. Christians, Mormons..yet we think nothing of bringing up conversations about sex.. it's not taboo...it's FUN!...

I don't mean what we do in the bedroom so much ..the nitty gritty.. yet all sorts of things come up.. We laugh, we learn, we tell some of our silly stories.... it's very free flowing.. 

I would not have a problem talking openly about sex to a date AT ALL..even in the early stages... 

I think where I may give mixed signals is .. if he took that to think I was "EASY"...into casual sex... but I'd be upfront about that too.. Shouldn't we just be ourselves.. if we love sex and are still conversative minded in it, so be it.. it's not a contradiction. it's just our personal sexual values.. we all have them.. and they vary from person to person.. 

It is a worthy subject. 

I strongly believe in sexual boundaries while dating.. until one is exclusive /where those emotional strings of love are deeply felt and it's just the 2 of you against the world.. until this has been established ..there would be brakes put on.. as sex is not a small thing to me.. what it represents is commitment, and basically a future together, and sharing your soul with another. 

I don't see a problem speaking just how we feel about sex and it's Place *for us.*...to see if we are compatible that way.. frankly I'd want to learn this EARLY ON..

Not that I have been out dating in a lifetime.... but I would think this would make a wonderful conversation ...really you'd learn so much about the other person.. deep things... just visiting this area of conversation.. if too much is said, though, it could turn the other off if they think very differently.. I guess that is the risk you take ...but it would all come out later on - anyway..


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## Jellybeans

Dawn just posted this in another thread and it made me think of this one:



DawnD said:


> I have tried ******* and Match. Still shocked that most of the men on there think saying a simple "hi" will result in me throwing my panties at them LMAO. Not just the younger crowd either. After chatting for maybe 10 minutes most of the men want to ask if I like anal, how often I would do oral, how much they like to eat p***y, if I wax it all off.......and they wonder why I block them.....


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## Anonymous07

tennisstar said:


> Just be careful asking this info too early when dating. I was divorced for over 10 years and dated a lot. When men would zero in whether or not I liked this or that sexually, it often seemed that is all they were interested in. I am all for discussing sex, but when it is done too early, I feel like the man I not interested in me, just in hitting the sack. Many women who have dated a while have been warned when a man starts talking about sex to be careful because that's all he wants. Just keep this is mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:

Feels like all you care about is sex, OP. I sure hope there is more to a woman you would want to be with than just a "freak in the sheets". 

Also, she may not show it as much while dating, but can later on. I wouldn't show that side of me so much early in a relationship, but it is as you become comfortable and secure in a relationship that you really show that side of yourself.


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## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> Me, too. Can you imagine someone asking you right off the bat/on the first date?
> 
> I would be like, NEXT.
> 
> Bobsmith, this is one of these things that is pretty simple: dating is for finding out if you are compatible. If you date someone and discover you aren't compatible, then break it off and try with someone else til you find someone who is more your speed/into what you like.
> 
> Telling a woman you need a woman who swallows on the first outing is really tasteless so I wouldn't recommend it.


:iagree:

It's rude, absurd and reeks of an attitude of entitlement.


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## firebelly1

Asking if she spits or swallows is too much, but saying that sexual compatibility is important to you is still a good way to introduce the subject without it being too much.


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## SadSamIAm

Might be a bit heavy to get into this discussion during the first date, but if there is chemistry, I don't see why some of these things couldn't be discussed pretty soon (three or four dates). I agree with the OP in that you don't want to get too invested if the sexual part of the relationship isn't going to work.

But never discuss the swallowing thing. I have had some girls that do and some that don't. Makes no difference. If it does to you, then you are being shallow.

Similiar thing with Anal. I could see the "Have you ever tried it?" comment, but to care a great deal about the answer is also being shallow.

I would want to know if she generally likes sex. If she is open and 'fun' about it. If she has the right attitude, then the 'freaky' stuff will happen on its own.

I have a friend who is on Match.com. He says it is very common to have a date (coffee or supper), some texting back and forth and then having sex on the second date. Says this happens probably 80% of the time. 

He has flown across the country three different times to have a 'first date' with someone. Each time it started with the premise that he would get a hotel room. Then it went to, I have a spare room. Then it went to you might as well sleep with me.

If you can have sex on the second date (or even first), you should be able to discuss it by then as well.


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## EMZED

The only way to truly find out if you are sexually compatible with a partner is to have a sexual relationship with them.

Yes, this does mean that you can't find out right on the first date and you have to put in a little time investment before you know. Yes, this does mean that some relationships will end even after you have invested a few months of time in them.


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## MaritimeGuy

I wouldn't consider dating someone you don't ultimately end up with for the rest of your life a waste of time. Dating and getting to know someone new is fun and exciting. 

Investing a decade or so of exclusivity only to find out it's not going to work is more problematic. 

So I wouldn't suggest getting into the gritty details at the coffee shop on your first meeting but before you get too committed emotionally you should figure out whether or not you're compatible sexually.


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## TheWon%

To those if you who have found or are that lady in the streets, and freak in the sheets, I applaud and commend you. Fellas if you need full disclosure as stated in this thread, stick to that, find you a woman who isn't ashamed to answer those questions. Ladies if those type of questions threaten you, politely dismiss yourself and wait for the guy who does not care. There, THAT issue is solved. 

FOR ME personally, I have never found a freak in the sheets who was very stable, that's my honest to God experience. My last X GF was probably, no make that absolutely without a doubt and by far the most incredible spiritual-sexual experience ever. I think in any 8 hour period when we did have sex, 3 times was low, 5-6 times was pretty regular and we're talking drunk monkey Olympic tear the bed down sex, for the entirety of our one year relationship and it wasn't cause I'm a stud, there was just a really unusual and special thing we had. I'd only had one other experience close to that and it was a distant second but still pretty intense, same thing super freak in bed, totally out of control and unstable as a person.

Ok, here's my deal with anyone's past. Take above X's for example, you don't get to be that sexual being Martha Stewart. But you better have your shot in order and under control and don't let your sordid past creep up into *MY* future, if *YOUR* problem becomes *MY* problem cause you can't control shot from your past, then now *WE* got a problem. From this repeating experience Ive had, I would rather find someone a little more conservative and train her on releasing her inner freak. I've just not found any pre freaky women to be loyal, stable, and honest although they are one hell of a ride in bed. My hats off to all you who have found them and are are them.


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## firebelly1

TheWon% said:


> To those if you who have found or are that lady in the streets, and freak in the sheets, I applaud and commend you. Fellas if you need full disclosure as stated in this thread, stick to that, find you a woman who isn't ashamed to answer those questions. Ladies if those type of questions threaten you, politely dismiss yourself and wait for the guy who does not care. There, THAT issue is solved.
> 
> FOR ME personally, I have never found a freak in the sheets who was very stable, that's my honest to God experience. My last X GF was probably, no make that absolutely without a doubt and by far the most incredible spiritual-sexual experience ever. I think in any 8 hour period when we did have sex, 3 times was low, 5-6 times was pretty regular and we're talking drunk monkey Olympic tear the bed down sex, for the entirety of our one year relationship and it wasn't cause I'm a stud, there was just a really unusual and special thing we had. I'd only had one other experience close to that and it was a distant second but still pretty intense, same thing super freak in bed, totally out of control and unstable as a person.
> 
> Ok, here's my deal with anyone's past. Take above X's for example, you don't get to be that sexual being Martha Stewart. But you better have your shot in order and under control and don't let your sordid past creep up into *MY* future, if *YOUR* problem becomes *MY* problem cause you can't control shot from your past, then now *WE* got a problem. From this repeating experience Ive had, I would rather find someone a little more conservative and train her on releasing her inner freak. I've just not found any pre freaky women to be loyal, stable, and honest although they are one hell of a ride in bed. My hats off to all you who have found them and are are them.


I guess it may depend on what you consider "freaky." I can see that "drunk monkey Olympic tear the bed down sex" could be equated to freaky.  But sounds like OP just wants regular BJ's? Which isn't too freaky necessarily but may equate to a woman who likes sex, wants it on a regular basis, and may be willing or like to be a little adventurous. Just NOT disinterested in sex could equate to freaky if you've gone without for a while.


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## bobsmith

I think the point of this question was trying to figure someone out WITHOUT outright asking! Of course this is probably impossible. 

However, as with a recent prospect, when she gets frisky in a hug and says "I would do bad things to you"... I am going with freak!:smthumbup:

Guess we will see on that one. Why can't all women be open like this? :scratchhead: Maybe the sexual chemistry should lead the way...

I think I am coming around to the fact that if you have chemistry, she will probably be open to new things.


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## samyeagar

bobsmith said:


> I think the point of this question was trying to figure someone out WITHOUT outright asking! Of course this is probably impossible.
> 
> *However, as with a recent prospect, when she gets frisky in a hug and says "I would do bad things to you"... I am going with freak*!:smthumbup:
> 
> Guess we will see on that one. Why can't all women be open like this? :scratchhead: Maybe the sexual chemistry should lead the way...
> 
> I think I am coming around to the fact that if you have chemistry, she will probably be open to new things.


Of course, just like I suspect with some of the women here who do it, that little tease, flirting, might just be over compensation and she's a complete dud.


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## bobsmith

Yep, I guess I can remember some of those back in the day too! Guess off to the bed we go, for a test drive...


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## chillymorn

EMZED said:


> The only way to truly find out if you are sexually compatible with a partner is to have a sexual relationship with them.
> 
> Yes, this does mean that you can't find out right on the first date and you have to put in a little time investment before you know. Yes, this does mean that some relationships will end even after you have invested a few months of time in them.


I say bull crap to this as there are many stories about women who were freaks before marriage only to become nuns after marriage.

this also true for men ...many stories about how men were very sexual before marriage only to become duds after marriage.

seems like marriage itself might play a part in this. familiarly breeds contempt.

don't get married then when it gets stale its off to the next!


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## bobsmith

Hel, I must be a fine wine kinda guy then. All my partners have commented how I get better and better. Takes time to learn all those buttons!!!


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## Catherine602

samyeagar said:


> Why should he be shamed for having physical preferences? What makes her personality, brains more important?


It's not shame it's a dose of reality. Many men are manipulated into relationships with incompatible women because sex is their main litmus test for selection and commitment. 

Every woman knows exactly what men want sexually. The challenge for men is to have a relationship with the real person in possession of the female sex parts not her representative. That's the only way you will know if she honestly enjoys what you enjoy. Simply put, don't be manipulated by sex. 


Bob, you are so refreshing, honest and strait forward. I don't know where you grew up but they sure make good men there. So many men hide their agenda. I just think it is wonderful that you are bold enough to state what you want and put it in the lady's section. To me that means you are really interested in what women think about themselves not what men think about women. 

I don't think you will have any problem finding a woman who will trust you enough to be your freak. You are open and worthy of trust. Be careful not to give your heart to just any woman. Make sure she is at your level of clearness and honesty. 

Like others have said, look for a woman who trust men in general and appreciate an open good man like you. From my experience as a former good Catholic girl, trust and patience is the most important qualities needed. 

Don't get discouraged if the whole package does not present itself. Don't look directly for a freak, look for an honest woman who likes and trust men. A woman like that will more likely be inspired to be a freakazoid for you. You have to work at it though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar

Catherine602 said:


> It's not shame it's a dose of reality. Many men are manipulated into relationships with women that are basically incompatible with them because they use sex as the main litmus test for selection and commitment. Every woman knows exactly what men want sexually. The challenge for men is to have a relationship with the real person in possession of the sex parts not her representative. That's the only way you will know if they honestly enjoy what you enjoy. Simply put, don't be manipulated by sex.
> 
> 
> Bob, you are so refreshing, honest and strait forward. I don't know where you grew up but they sure make good men there. So many men hide their agenda. I just think it is wonderful that you are bold enough to state what you want and put it in the lady's section. To me that means you are really interested in what women think about themselves not what men think about women. I don't think you will have any problem finding a woman who will trust you enough to be your freak. You are open and worthy of trust. Be careful not to give your heart to just any woman. Make sure she is at your level of clearness and honesty.
> 
> Like others have said, look for a woman that trust men in general and appreciate an open good man like you. From my experience as a former good Catholic girl, trust and patience is the most important qualities you need. Don't get discouraged if the whole package does not present itself. *Don't look directly for a freak, look for an honest woman who likes men and trust them*. Those are the type of women who will likely be inspired to be a freakazoid. You have to work at it though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Excellent advice...worked for me.


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## bobsmith

Agreed! Thank you! I think I want to put a set of standards in this game for myself but I realized recently that I am totally BSing myself. I sound like an arrogant dic but I just want to be happy and make someone else happy. I know every women I have been with knows I work hard to make sure she is satisfied. I just want that reciprocation!

Working up to this is probably something I may have to trust and believe in. Whether my recent prospect and I work out or not, I know she opened my eyes in 5min to things I thought I might walk away from. Depends on the person... I just want to meet more like this one!!!

All I know is I seem to be wired different, I would rather hang with my wife and bestie than a stripper or any celeb. I am not a cheater or a liar. At least with a lot of my friends, this seems I am the odd ball...


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## Catherine602

Bob I don't agree with your assessment of yourself you are way too hard on you. Even though you were married, I don't think you got a chance to develop a sense of comfort in relationships. . What you are now doing is maturing in relationships. You have to decide what you want and need in a woman first. If you don't, you may fall for the first woman who is attractive (sound familiar). 

You will get to a more mature level of relationships were you realize that she may not come with everything you want but you care enough to love her anyway. Oh don't work so hard you'll exhaust yourself and make the woman nervous. Just relax and be open to learning by experience just like you are learning here by asking questions and for feedback. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulpotato

Nothing wrong with being open and firm about your sexual needs and preferences. It's pretty damned important, actually. (And I have noticed that girls who are okay getting in touch with their inner freak are definitely less timid and inhibited as people, so it's not as if this particular preference is just about the physical/sexual - it does seem to follow.)

I personally believe you can have both things in one person. You might just have to hunt a bit. If a girl isn't okay with you being upfront at the right time (when sex comes up, on your dating profile if you're online, etc), then that's probably a good indication that she's not what you're looking for. You could have the nicest girl in the world, but if she can't meet important needs for you, then it's a no-go. It's just the way it is.


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## sammy3

bobsmith said:


> I am thinking back because I remember the connection we had and the feelings I had. I need to find another one like THAT but they are all taken now.... I should have fixed that deal!


OP,
It not that they "are all taken," believe me they are not, it's your paths have just not crossed yet.

Dont be fooled to think as one gets older they cant feel that connections again with some one else or feel what they felt at 20, nor have those sexual desires. 

I am 60, and I have come across more 'older' people in happy second x relationships either from death of a spouse or sadly divorce. 

One women and her hubby stopped to talk, both told me they felt like they were 25 again, except this time they have $, they don't have to work, they really like each other, and most importantly, they are starting a new life of goodwill, love & excitement, like getting a second life. 

Another neighbor a male, 63, never married, just met the women he wants to spend the rest of his life with...

So don't give up, dont look back, your not going there, you just haven't met her yet again... 


...and I cant say this enough, we women like sex, we just don't like bad sex...

~ sammy


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## Jetranger

I know the OP has posted elsewhere that things have started in the bedroom, I wanna know if she's freakeh like he hoped!


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## SurpriseMyself

bobsmith said:


> Richard, that is the EXACT mind set I had in high school!!! lol Just no way I really feel this way, there are others, etc. Way too young to be tied down!!! However, I have yet to meet another.... Sucks for me. I blame some of my friend circles for that. Lots of ritzy snotty brats. But, I guess it was easy in the dating pools because I knew if they dated one of my friends, they were not for me because my girl would not like that sort....
> 
> LOL, that is actually what happen with my HS ex. A snotty friend of mine took me when he visited her at her home one summer. He was an idiot but I had her figured in 5min. He said "I am going to nail her"..... I just waited all summer to see how that went down... She never talked to him. He is also one of those pretty boys that is better looking than me....lol I straight put the smack on him in HS with that cool play.


"I straight put a smack on him with that cool play?"

I hope you said that just to be funny. Guys who get great looking, smart, traditional women who are great in bed are those who have it all together. Talk like that is a turn off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bobsmith

ebp, I was joking a bit but meant what I said. I felt that girl deserved and desired much more than an air head with looks. I just out classed him with my other traits that she could see. 

Jet - VERY happy to report that I seem to have it all right now!!! It is her time of the month so last night oral was a BIG 10-4!!! cleaned things right up. Then snuggled all night and woke to her daughter coming to lay in bed with us. I can get used to this!!


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## Jellybeans

What if someone seems to start out as a freak and then cools off? That sucks.


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## MaritimeGuy

Jellybeans said:


> What if someone seems to start out as a freak and then cools off? That sucks.


...or stops sucking as the case may be.


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## Faeleaf

Jellybeans said:


> What if someone seems to start out as a freak and then cools off? That sucks.


Ask about masturbation. I'm serious. When she started doing it, how long ago, and how often she indulges. Obviously, this can't be asked on the first or second date, but it's a conversation you can have long before you exchange rings.

I'm only speaking from personal experience here, so this won't be applicable for everyone, which is cool. But I've masturbated pretty much _all my life_. That's going to sound like hyperbole, but it's not. I have a high sex drive, and I always have...even as an extremely small child.

You may not be able to prevent "things" from coming up in your marriage - childbirth, illness, work stress, the occasional fight that lingers a little too long, etc. All of these can "interrupt" a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. But finding someone like me whose sex drive has always been roaring, and you can come pretty close to guaranteeing those interruptions will be short-lived. Cause I'm like you...I need it, too!


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