# What are in the minds of some of these husbands?



## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

I am 31 and my husband is 35. We have been with each other for almost 16 years, but married for 5. We have a 6 month old. I feel as though if you are not coming straight home after work you should call your wife and find out if she and your child is alright and then say well I will be late coming home and going to shoot pool or play a bit of ball or whatever. Dont just leave the house at 7:00 am and return after 8/9pm without knowing if your family is straight. This frustrates me.
Second my husband works 7 days a week. He has this friend who doesnt have a car who he have to give a ride to in the mornings and drop home everyday after work. So my husband passes home to drop him every afternoon and sometimes they work late or go watch the game or something. So Through the week he reaches home like 7:30/8 at nights. On Friday he gets off early but chooses to go hang out with his friends. Saturday and Sunday he works. So where in there is time for me and my baby? This again is frustrating. 
He comes home and we dont even have a conversation. I realize that his parents are the same way. My husband dontsay well hunnie how was your day or something of the sort he just goes to bed or if he feel like sex, he expects me to be able to. Right now I am so fed up. I mean I dont have a problem with him pertaining to cheating but these things may seem small but they are really irritating me. Some times when I call and ask him where he is he would just say on the road. He recently just quit his job. He now have another job which doesnt pay as much. During this time he pick up this habit of gambling and his same friend who works with him gambles hard too. I always tell him only me one working like that, the little money you get try help me with something as much as possible. I tell him it isnt like he making what he used to and its hard. Bills need to be paid and the baby need things. You know what he says "you cant stop me from gambling" and he feels as though I trying to rule him. My thing is be the MAN show more concern for your family, spend time, be more affectionate. I am sooooooooo fed up right bout now. But everytime this friend call him he up and go. and then say I coming right back. Our child bearly even sees him cause when my husband reaches home at night he is already asleep. And then when I dont have nothing to say to my husband he does say i have a problem. But if you know what the problem is why not make an effort to fix it. Every week am telling him about my problem. Well of recent i just dont sasy anything and we havent had sex in weeks maybe a month. He wants it but I am just too upset to open up to him right now. Right now I am ready to call it quits. Cause look like only me one checking for this marriage. bills pilig up and the lil couple dollars he have he gambling it frustrating cause its only so much i can do. my paycheck is maxed out paying bills and buying food and all that not to mention his $1500 bill that i agreed to pay for him cause he was out of a job for a while. And he could be so inconsiderate and ungrateful Iam just tired I feel like I am being used at times. Plus have to turn round and give him gas and lunch money a times. I would have mind it so much if He was spending his money more wisely. 
Let me know if I have a major problem or not. Cause Im ready to leave. I feel I am more than trying too hard to make this work.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Let him go hungry if he gambles his money away. If he needs gas he can ask his friend. He seems to be running from responsibility and he is living his own life while excluding you. He needs a wake-up call. Straighten up or get out. At least if you divorced him the state could force him to pay child support! So sorry you are going through this. I'm sort of going through the same thing, I know it's lonely and frustrating. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Let him go hungry if he gambles his money away. If he needs gas he can ask his friend. He seems to be running from responsibility and he is living his own life while excluding you. He needs a wake-up call. _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:
This is unheard-of impudence


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You have a major problem. Don't give him any more money. It's time he got help for the gambling problem. In addition, he needs to be willing to work on his marriage. If he won't address those issues, you and your child will be better off without him.


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

He really and truely doesnt see a problem in our marriage. So you guys understand where I am coming from. So am I wrong for feeling this way right?


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

What you have is one of the millions of men that are ignorant to what marriage is about (I know, I was one of them). I could write you hundreds of pages about why he may be that way, but it would not change anything.

If he is like most men, he won’t do anything to change until he has something to loose.

Your expressing your feelings or withholding sex will not do it, he will just write that off as you being overly emotional, unloving, or cold. 

He will just resent you for it and you will just end up with mutual resentment. No point in that, Right?

You will have to put him to *the test*! Pack up some stuff and go stay with some friends or relitives, let him come home to an empty house.

If he is a quality man, he will realize the seriousness of what he is losing and will be willing to work on change. (If that happens, give me a shout, I’ll walk you in from there)

If he is not a quality man, he will let you go. 

If that happens, you will feel pain, but you will realize that you did what’s best for you and your child.

It’s a hard reality to deal with, but that’s where you’re at. 

I wish you the best!

Warmly,
RDJ


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

zenia said:


> He really and truely doesnt see a problem in our marriage. So you guys understand where I am coming from. So am I wrong for feeling this way right?


You are not wrong having the feelings that you do. They are yours to own.

Have you two been able to sit down together and talk about this at all? What it is that your husband is feeling and going through, and what you are feeling and going through?

Have you tried to reach out to him - with affection and love and understanding? Could he be overwhelmed with the additional responsibility of now having a new family and being unable to know how to cope?

Best wishes.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I agree with RDJ. I was married to a man like that for 23 years... with a sad, stupid ending. You can't make him act right, can't make him do the right thing, can't make him do anything. 

Soooo....like RDJ says... either he doesn't realize the value of marriage and family, or he doesn't care. YOU are the only one who can change things....and that change will benefit you either way. Either he "gets" the wake up call.... or he lets you go. Either way you are in a better position than you are now!!! 

Good luck! Look after yourself and your baby!!!


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

Enchantment he of course he knows how I feel. He sometimes say I always making noise or I always have a problem or he dont know what the problem is. other times he can see where i am coming from but nothing changes maybe for a week. He feel as though what I am talking bout is not really a major problem.


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

Oh and Enchantment he is not overwhelmed with responsibility because like I said I fit all the bills basically. Cause he doesnt have a steady job like that. But at least I feel as though since he can't contribute as much as he use to financially then make up for it in other areas that I expressed earlier. Is that too much to ask for?


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

He's taking me for granted and at times I feel used.


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

Mind you I know he does feel bad because he want to do more than he is for our baby financially, thats not a problem you know. My thing is talk to me I cant read minds and I am not going to assume nothing. If you could sit down with friends and talk foolishness for hours, you should be able to come and open up to me. I dont discourage him from talking to me in anyway. I always try to encourage him to talk.


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

Thanks for the advice everyone. I really am feeling a bit better with your responses. Sorry if I am rambling on a bit too much or be repititious about some things. But it is just so frustrating to me. And he asks as if everything is so perfect. He says regardless of what I think he loves me and he isnt going anywhere. But I am truly fed up with all this. If you love me you, you know what to do to keep me happy. You choose not to do it.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

Women are usually guided by emotions, Men by their perception of logic.

Communicating your emotions to him will not get through to him. If you want to impact him, communicate on his level.

Logic: You treat me this way, it builds a wall of resentment in me. When that resentment gets to a certain level, you and I are through.

That sound logical to you?

Once you have created a mutual respect, then you can come back with your emotions, but you have to get his attention first.

That make sense????

Warmly,

RDJ


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## zenia (Sep 24, 2011)

Thanks again RDJ


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Nothing says logic more to a man than a kick in the nuts. 

Seriously. He is taking you for granted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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