# Wife deleting text with co-worker



## Tonloc43 (Mar 8, 2014)

Hello Everyone, 
After my wife started a new job, she put a password on her phone. Being the paranoid person I am, I thought this was strange since she never had a password in the past. So I come to find out she's been texting with a married co-worker. One day I'm at home with my wife and when she leaves the room I hear a text come through on her phone so I look to see who it is...It was from "work" and it said to get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty. Now since I was already a little suspicious, I got really upset and confronted her about it. I got the...it was a joke explanation. I didn't believe it because she had an online sexual relationship in the past (that a whole other story). So anyway, she removes the password but has not stopped the texting. Now she just deletes the texts from this guy. It's driving me crazy to the point I confronted her again today. She keeps saying she's not cheating on me, but this texting is driving me nuts. I've looked at the phone bill and they text everyday, sometimes for hours at a time. Then when I ask her why they would text for 3 hours, she says she didn't. Basically she lies right to my face. Today I threatened divorce but in the back of my mind I feel it could be a mistake and I'm just being paranoid...we've been married 15 years and have 3 kids (10,11,13) and it would kill me if I hurt the kids by leaving. Of course when ask I her about it, she denies anything is going on and says she can't believe I don't trust her and gets mad. I don't know what to do, but I can't stop thinking about it. I can understand why she would look elsewhere for attention since I have my own issues, but I have always been honest with her and tried to share my feelings.

Please help!


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## JustRon (Feb 16, 2014)

what phone OS, model, network?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

State your boundaries and make it clear she has a choice to respect the marriage or not.

And never let her know your afraid ... Chicks dig confident guys, even ones that will divorce her butt.

So go get some free counstation from a divorce lawyer and leave the card on the kitchen table for her to see.

Inform her you will not control her and she is free tondo what she wants just like you are free to find a new wife that will respect a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UsernameHere (Sep 26, 2013)

Tonloc43 said:


> Hello Everyone,
> After my wife started a new job, she put a password on her phone. Being the paranoid person I am, I thought this was strange since she never had a password in the past. So I come to find out she's been texting with a married co-worker. One day I'm at home with my wife and when she leaves the room I hear a text come through on her phone so I look to see who it is...It was from "work" and it said to get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty. Now since I was already a little suspicious, I got really upset and confronted her about it. I got the...it was a joke explanation. I didn't believe it because she had an online sexual relationship in the past (that a whole other story). So anyway, she removes the password but has not stopped the texting. Now she just deletes the texts from this guy. It's driving me crazy to the point I confronted her again today. She keeps saying she's not cheating on me, but this texting is driving me nuts. I've looked at the phone bill and *they text everyday*, sometimes for hours at a time. Then when I ask her why they *would text for 3 hours*, she says she didn't. Basically she lies right to my face. Today I threatened divorce but in the back of my mind I feel *it could be a mistake and I'm just being paranoid.*..we've been married 15 years and have 3 kids (10,11,13) and it would kill me if I hurt the kids by leaving. Of course when ask I her about it, she denies anything is going on and says she can't believe I don't trust her and gets mad. I don't know what to do, but I can't stop thinking about it. I can understand why she would look elsewhere for attention since I have my own issues, but I have always been honest with her and tried to share my feelings.
> 
> Please help!


You have phone bill evidence and seen the level of texting - NO you are NOT paranoid, she's deflecting.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bad behavior has consequences so show her you at confident to let her go.

She thinks you ain't going no we're so prove her wrong.

I also suggest stabling a lawyers card to the phone statement with all the text g high lighted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You must plant a voice activated recorder under her car seat.

Trust me there is more going on here then just textng.... They are way to comfortable together to have this kind of conversation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If they are doing that why on earth do you think he isn't banging her.

The Healing Heart: The 180

Start this 180. She doesn't believe you will leave her. Is the other man married?

Get on your computer, see if you can't download a divorce packet for your state. Print it off and make sure she sees it. Do not talk divorce until you really mean it. 

Why didn't you show her the phone records and prove to her you knew what she was doing.

It sounds like you cant stand up to her. That would be one reason she is rubbing this in your face.

Here is a book you can read for free on the internet, NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Get the books below that I have linked to. MMSLP is for you, NOT JUST FRIENDS is for you both.

I doubt she is just having an emotional affair though, they are probably having sex too.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Any unaccounted for time?
When did she start job?
When did the first incident happen?

Texts can be undeleted. Bringing in our phone guy.
He will need phone model and carrier.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

We can undelete that which the thinks has been deleted....need to know iPhone or Android. Also, if iPhone, do you have here Apple ID and password?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And one more thing, stop sharing your feelings with you old lady. She needs to see that her action diserve your indifference and that if she continues you will let her go.

As hard as it is you have to fake the fact they you will let her go and if she continues you will move on.


Until your old lady starts to think twice in what she is about to lose and second guesses her choices she will continue.

Once she tell the other guy you are letting her go he may think she is his problem now and bail on her.

Either way you old lady needs to see that you will not share your wife or control her. It will always be up to her to choose just like it is up to you on what you will and will not tolorate!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is in an addicting behavior so you will not be able to nice your way through this.

I have been her way to long .... I know what happens when guys try and it don't work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry your here bro. But face it if she isn't phucking the coworker she is phucking someone... You old lady has zero boundaries when it comes to affair proofing her marriage!

It's time to go all JamesBond on her @ss and find out what you are really dealing with when it come to what your marriage is all about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Sexting is like crack to some people. My WW lied straight to my face and told me it was a woman from work she was texting, all hours of day and night, thousands of times a month. Yeah, it was a guy, and she was having sex and had been for a year. Sexting can only last so long before you have to put your money where your mouth (fingers) is. Don't believe a word she says!!!!! Hopefully it's not too late.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You're not being paranoid. She is either humping this dude or about to.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

So she says "get rid of the hubby so we can talk dirty" is a joke?

Well then set a Jester in The Box right in the middle of your living room and have it deliver her the divorce papers.

Let's see who's joking then.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thound said:


> You're not being paranoid. She is either humping this dude or about to.


So stop listening to your chick when she tells you your paranoid, crazy, controlling and the ol just friends bull crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## s0medude (Jun 10, 2011)

From my experience, once trust has been broken it's time to let her go and move on with your life. It's her loss, not yours. 

Sorry to hear this is happening to you.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

verpin zal said:


> Let's see who's joking then.


Yes let's see who's joking.


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## TimesLikeThese (Sep 13, 2012)

You will feel better about all of it in the long run if you take action. Start the proceedings, expose to the OM wife, expose to your family and hers. Once you have the proof you require which you can get if you follow the advice of the tech-heads here.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Tonloc43 said:


> Hello Everyone,
> After my wife started a new job, she put a password on her phone. Being the paranoid person I am, I thought this was strange since she never had a password in the past. So I come to find out she's been texting with a married co-worker. One day I'm at home with my wife and when she leaves the room I hear a text come through on her phone so I look to see who it is...It was from "work" and it said to get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty. Now since I was already a little suspicious, I got really upset and confronted her about it. I got the...it was a joke explanation. I didn't believe it because *she had an online sexual relationship in the past (that a whole other story)*. So anyway, she removes the password but has not stopped the texting. Now she just deletes the texts from this guy. It's driving me crazy to the point I confronted her again today. She keeps saying she's not cheating on me, but this texting is driving me nuts. I've looked at the phone bill and they text everyday, sometimes for hours at a time. Then when I ask her why they would text for 3 hours, she says she didn't. Basically she lies right to my face. Today I threatened divorce but in the back of my mind I feel it could be a mistake and I'm just being paranoid...we've been married 15 years and have 3 kids (10,11,13) and it would kill me if I hurt the kids by leaving. Of course when ask I her about it, she denies anything is going on and says she can't believe I don't trust her and gets mad. I don't know what to do, but I can't stop thinking about it. I can understand why she would look elsewhere for attention since I have my own issues, but I have always been honest with her and tried to share my feelings.
> 
> Please help!


So she cheated on you in the past with sexting online? So when she asked you why you don't trust her, did you state "because you already cheated on me in this way before"? I don't get how she could get you to back down on this if you've been down this road before? 

Or is it you are looking for people to tell you what you already need to do? If this is what you need, then I do understand because you don't want to go through this all over again nor admit to yourself that your wife is capable of being a serial cheater. Seriously though, you need to hold her feet to the fire. 

What you should do is find out the name of this guy and where he lives. Then you need to confront his wife with your phone bill and show her that her husband and your wife text for hours a day. That should kill this affair. However, it doesn't solve the problem of why your wife continues to cheat on you. That's a different ball of wax.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Never make a threat that you don't follow through with. It will only make you look weak, she won't respect or believe you really mean it. It's like crying wolf. Don't beg or be clingy either, it makes you look pathetic. No woman is attractive to weak and pathetic behaviors. They are attracted to strong and confident behaviors. When he told her to get rid of you so they could play, he displayed his alpha side to her, by showing he's not afraid of disrespecting you by engaging with her. She got off on that display. 

Does this make sense to you? Do you understand you need not to care what she does either, if your boundaries are crossed you will take it to the limit?

The others have told you what to do, gather evidence, expose, make your demands, file. I suspect you softened your way out of it the last time. That only made you lose more respect. Read No More Mr Nice Guy and Married Man Sex Life Primer. Get your self respect back, so others will respect that you won't tolerate this $hit. 

Here read this now...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

Sorry your here for this reason. Wishing your family well.

BTW, I know others don't advice it, but I would have been on the phone with him in a nano second, asking him who the eff he thought he was calling and texting my W with that $hit. The next calls would have been to their HR/CEO and his wife...


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

What you could do is get a spare phone and activate the spare phone on her number. Then began to text this guys with dirty talk. Then set up a time to meet that day, if you really want to ruin him make sure you meet on company property, it's best not to talk with them but just observe him . write down his license number so you get his address to confront his wife with the texts you now have. From there you can file for divorce and use the evidence to destroy this man's and stbxw's career.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Tonloc43 said:


> Hello Everyone,
> After my wife started a new job, she put a password on her phone. Being the paranoid person I am, I thought this was strange since she never had a password in the past. So I come to find out she's been texting with a married co-worker. One day I'm at home with my wife and when she leaves the room I hear a text come through on her phone so I look to see who it is...It was from "work" and it said to get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty. Now since I was already a little suspicious, I got really upset and confronted her about it. I got the...it was a joke explanation. I didn't believe it because she had an online sexual relationship in the past (that a whole other story). So anyway, she removes the password but has not stopped the texting. Now she just deletes the texts from this guy. It's driving me crazy to the point I confronted her again today. She keeps saying she's not cheating on me, but this texting is driving me nuts. I've looked at the phone bill and they text everyday, sometimes for hours at a time. Then when I ask her why they would text for 3 hours, she says she didn't. Basically she lies right to my face. Today I threatened divorce but in the back of my mind I feel it could be a mistake and I'm just being paranoid...we've been married 15 years and have 3 kids (10,11,13) and it would kill me if I hurt the kids by leaving. Of course when ask I her about it, she denies anything is going on and says she can't believe I don't trust her and gets mad. I don't know what to do, but I can't stop thinking about it. I can understand why she would look elsewhere for attention since I have my own issues, but I have always been honest with her and tried to share my feelings.
> 
> Please help!


Sorry, time to go. 
We all have our own issues, but cheating doesn't fit any of them. No, there is no joke that starts "get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty" from a fellow coworker in private. Oh, don't make threats, make promises you can uphold. You promise divorce, have paper work filled out and sitting in a private place. If ti happens again have her served.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The worse news is she works with him. She has to quit that job.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The very first thing you need to do is go see his wife with your phone bill. DONOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

See his wife, see an attorney and get ready to see her job.

Do not talk do. Get the deleted texts and there is software that does this.

If you do nothing, it will get worse. Expect a PA as it is most likely the case.

Do not rug sweep. Stand up for yourself, now.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> _It was from "work" and it said to get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty._ Now since I was already a little suspicious, I got really upset and confronted her about it. I got the...it was a joke explanation. I didn't believe it because she had an online sexual relationship in the past (that a whole other story).


How many times are you going to let her know your upset and then do nothing about it? If there are no consequences then don't expect her to change. She doesn't believe you'll do anything so that's why she will continue because of your procrastination while standing by and watching it happen. 

Heck, SHE ALREADY HAS A HISTORY OF DOING THIS BEFORE. So why would you let it slide by again. Its time for you to stand up for yourself and draw the line. Expose her actions to the family and her SEXTING Partners wife. Don't ask/tell your wife about your plan of action, JUST DO IT. 

Her actions should tell you that she thinks your a dumb a$$ and your gullible enough to believe her Bu!!$h!t excuses. Prove her wrong. Do you think if the roles were reversed she would believe the nonsense she is trying to play you with???????????????? 

IMHO, I would confront the OM at work and say " Hey [email protected] Face, I saw your message that you wanted my wife to get rid of me so you could talk dirty...blah blah blah. (but thats just me though)


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## Alecto (Sep 16, 2012)

Especially because she's done this before, you can't let it slide for a second. Forgiving a cheater (and an EA is cheating too) doesn't work more than once if you waffle on them. "Get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty" either means they already make a habit of talking dirty or having sex, or that man is pushing for exactly that and she is entertaining his attention and therefore encouraging it. The only chance you really have is to get divorce papers ready NOW and present her with them with a choice to sign them and begin divorce proceedings or to immediately cut off all contact with the other man, and any violation leads back to the divorce.

The problem you face is that if she works with this other man, you have to make a choice. Do you demand she quit her job and hope that you don't end up supporting a perpetual cheater forever? Or do you let her keep the job so she can support herself and file for divorce right off because she's shown herself to be untrustworthy, not just once but twice?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ask her for his wife's mobile number.

After all, if jokey texts are OK for your wife and him, why not for hia wife and you?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You let her get away with this once before and did nothing so what makes you think that your threats, anger and concerns are going to do anything now?

Truth be told, she's going to continue to gas light you, and your going to continue to take it, that is unless you give her a wake up call.

Find a lawyer. File for divorce and have her served at work. Once she opens the envelope up and see what's inside, then she'll know that she pushed you too far and now she either has the option to $hit or get off the pot. You can always call it off if she decides to straighten her act up but she will know that you mean business and she's going to have to make a serious effort to regain your trust.

That takes guts to do. The problem is you've been sitting on your hands while she feeds you one spoon full of crap after another. 

Think about this. Imagine the conversations she's having with this guy about how she's making an ass out of you and you do nothing but take it. Think about that and if that doesn't piss you off than you deserve everything you get.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Ask her for his wife's mobile number.
> 
> After all, if jokey texts are OK for your wife and him, why not for his wife and you?


The story of the wife of that BH who asked for a permit to spend time freely with OM but THEN cried her eyes out when that very BH banged two gals and she said "stop! please!" is still hot.

Why?

Because.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles were reversed would your wife be acting as passive as you? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.

I suggest if you can contact the OM's wife.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Find out who the guys wife is and confront her with this asap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Tonloc43 said:


> ... she removes the password but has not stopped the texting. Now she just deletes the texts from this guy. ....she denies anything is going on and says she can't believe I don't trust her and gets mad. ...!


Total BS. 

If she could be trusted, she wouldn't be deleting the texts. She's having inappropriate texts with the guy...it's an emotional affair AT LEAST.

Can't trust her.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I would give her an ultimatum of course, but not until I had a chance to monitor her. Because that ultimatum for stopping contact, may need to change in to a much worse consequence for her than that. 

First, does she also make and receive cell phone calls from him? If so, note the time of day. If she's doing this on the way or from work, a VAR in her car is a must.

Also, I'd put spyware on her cell to grab those texts. Do it when she's in the shower, when she's asleep, whatever. 

If she's refusing to stop calling/texting; might as well use it to your advantage - for now.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

No response after 34 posts. Has the thread-started disappeared from the site or what? Why would someone start a thread like this, and then have no reaction to any of the advice or comments that have been offered? :scratchhead:


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

thummper said:


> No response after 34 posts. Has the thread-started disappeared from the site or what? Why would someone start a thread like this, and then have no reaction to any of the advice or comments that have been offered? :scratchhead:


One theory commonly offered is that such a person is not really looking for advice.

Another could be that they are reading the answers and absorbing the information and deciding on their next move. Or things just got really crazy in their life and they haven't had the opportunity to get back here.

Another possibility is that that the missing Malasian Boeing 777 airliner that disappeared a few days ago crashed into their hut.


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

My wife's 3 year plus affair started with sexting. She said it was her and her girlfriend playing around. I believed her and never checked the number. I was a trusting fool. It was some dude who asked her for her number in a bar. If I would have nipped that in the bud then, I would not be dealing with the pain now. Dont trust her. Get a VAR for her car, put a spy app on her phone if possible. She is cheating, believe me.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

The OP hasn't been here since he started this tread. There are too many reasons to think of, for hit and run postings. 

It's been my personal experience with posters that stop posting, after a few post or just lurking, is either embarrassment about their inability to enact the advice or they're getting better advice from a lawyer. Neither end well. At best some lurkers will learn by the replies.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Also, when you are a virgin forum person, you don't put a lot of weight on it, on the forum. I remember when I first used a forum it was purely as a question/answer.... that was it. 

This poster has been hit.... like really hit....with a lot of advice. And it is totally alien. 

If I was this poster when I first arrived...I am not sure I would have come back for a second helping. I already thought that forums were probably full of friendless nerds and the stuff was a bit too 'out there' to actually really believe what was being said. Just a load of bitter old moaners who had little to do with my reality. 

And so after a few forums, I came here. Took a break because it just wasn't for me. A long break. And as things didn't improve, came back (only to this forum though, because it was the best of a bad lot). It was only once I came back that I appreciated the posts, the threads. I would say it took me several months, maybe more, to actually benefit from this forum. And I only got that opportunity due to my man's total fvcked-upness. Praise the Lord! What an education!

...... so.... the 2X4 on a poster's 1st visit, well....I have no real surprise he was chased off. And yes, I use the word chased and not scared off. Because that is what it is like. The first post is a big thing. And all the hardened posters who have seen it all before....great. The thing is, he hasn't seen it all before. Not seen any of it.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

...and yes, this site is the best out there when it comes to dealing with infidelity. The other ones never came close. But the 2X4 on a 1st poster was a little overbearing to say the least. 

Regardless, what you can gain from this site if you stick around, you could spend a lot of money and get less than a portion of what someone can get here. Money cannot buy the wealth of great advice you can get here.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

She must have taken the 'get rid of your husband so we can talk dirty' a bit to literally...


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