# I’m a woman and I enjoy watching porn. Is this a bad thing?



## Nicole741 (Jan 17, 2021)

Hi
I just want to share something that is happening to me, which I don’t know if it’s normal. 
I have always been a good girl all my life. I never had hookups, never went to clubs, I slept with a low number of men my entire life and never watched porn.
I’m 35 and I started watching porn at the age of 31 because my boyfriend introduced me to it. We actually watch porn together. It’s not like we watch it in secret or hide it from each other. So it’s something we both agree with.

At first, I admit I wasn’t too much into it. I did it to please my boyfriend. Now, I actually enjoy it and feel that sex is different when I watch porn. The porn videos turn me on and makes me very horny compared to just having regular sex. I don’t like incest porn or gang bangs or anything with violence. The types of videos I like are about women being slutty. For example, Seducing a married boss, having sex with husband’s friend, or acting flirty with the pizza delivery guy. I get aroused to the thought of being slutty and doing forbidden things since I’ve always been a good woman and I have never done anything wild or inappropriate. It’s just a fantasy.

I also enjoy porn because I feel like I act more lose in bed. It’s like I want to imitate the porn actresses and scream like them and just enjoy the moment. 
I don’t consider myself a porn addict because I don’t watch it daily but I still feel a little guilty sometimes even though my boyfriend and I agree on doing it. I just feel like porn is very taboo, bad and forbidden and I don’t want to feel like I need it, like a drug, to get horny or be good in bed. 
How common is it for women to watch porn? I feel kind of bad for losing my innocence but I have also opened up more in bed and not be shy.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I think its cool you and your boyfriend enjoy it together.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I'll warn you now, there are a lot of very anti-porn people on this site that believe that all porn is always bad in all circumstances and has no positive value in the world whatsoever. Be prepared for the bashing. 

With that out of the way, you are a full grown, consenting adult having a mutually consensual adult relationship with another full grown consenting adult so as long as you are not engaging in child porn or snuff porn or anything fundamentally illegal and it is not causing you or your partner any distress or dysfunction, it's perfectly ok IMHO. 

The fact that you are doing it together as a couple and are experiencing positive outcomes because it indicates to me that it is a positive thing for you. SO HAVE AT IT AND ENJOY!

Now people are going to come on her and tell you that these chicks are being trafficked and kidnapped and raped etc and are being forced into a life of exploitation and blah blah blah.

OK, whatever goes on in Malaysia or Paraguay or whatever, I can't say one way or another. If something looks fishy to you and gives you the creeps, move on to something else that is to your liking. 

I do not see porn as automatically bad or harmful at all. But I do see that it can and does cause problems in relationships. If someone is spanking to porn on their own and as such are not putting in good faith effort to please their partner or try to meet their partner's needs, then that is a problem. 

If someone is expecting their partner to dress and behave and perform like a porn star all the time and have a whiney hissy fit if they don't, then that is a partner. 

But two consenting adults engaging in it together as a means to enjoy themselves and get all hot and bothered sounds very sexy to me!!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Uh oh. 😵😵😵 

There should be posters coming along any minute now to tell you all about how your "addiction to porn" will ruin you and your marriage or relationships and traumatize your future children and trash your career and destroy the world in general as we know it. You may even get links to websites that show you what porn does to the brain of ANYONE who dares to look at it. Then there's the cry of 'human trafficking' and how you support it if you look at porn, because apparently, ALL people in porn are trafficked and literally no one does it for money or for fame. 

OK..I think I covered it all. LOL.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> OK..I think I covered it all. LOL.


You forgot a couple.

Porn will also give the OP unreasonable expectations about penis size and male performance.

Conversely for OP’s boyfriend there is a very real danger he will start comparing OP to younger and fitter porn actresses.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Porn has it's fans & detractors. 

What a bunch of other people think about your choice is really of no moment. If you & your partner are OK with it, have at it. 

IMO porn usage is problematic when people prefer it to interactions with a live person or expect their partner to always behave like the actors.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

D0nnivain said:


> Porn has it's fans & detractors.
> 
> What a bunch of other people think about your choice is really of no moment. If you & your partner are OK with it, have at it.
> 
> IMO porn usage is problematic when people prefer it to interactions with a live person or expect their partner to always behave like the actors.


Good point. I think what the OP has in her favor is her and her BF watch it together.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm one who does not think porn is a great idea, but that's because i think it can interfere with couple intimacy. If you guys are doing it together and you don't feel like it's interfering then carry on.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

As long as you do it together I see nothing wrong. My wife and I periodically will watch such, but I leave it up to her to make the call as I can take it or leave it. She likes the soft kind as do I. It does get her motor revved up. At 60, I will take it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> You forgot a couple.
> 
> Porn will also give the OP unreasonable expectations about penis size and male performance.
> 
> Conversely for OP’s boyfriend there is a very real danger he will start comparing OP to younger and fitter porn actresses.


Hey, aren't all peens 12in long and the diameter of a Jimmy Dean sausage roll?

Sorry, that bit of humor just busted out. Yes, it's bad humor....


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Fact: Pizza delivery guys only get laid in pornos


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Nicole,

I can't say how common it is, but it was always an interesting topic to me.

Some data analysis of porn sites suggests that a larger percentage of women' porn watching involves incest and gangbang porn. I have doubts about how the data was collected.

I think many women would get turn on by porn, but are disgusted by it for societal or religious reasons. 

My take on it is that I would rather see 2000 porn performers satisfying the sexual needs of people than 5,000,000 prostitutes who are often brutalized.

I know my W would say it is disgusting, but in the past we had passionate sex after watching it. Although I think well acted but sexy stories, like mad men, get her equally aroused.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Do what you do to have a good time. No harm. No foul. Enjoy. We watch it twice a year. It has led to some very hot times.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Nicole741 said:


> ........I have always been a good girl all my life.
> 
> ......I’m 35 and I started watching porn at the age of 31 because my boyfriend introduced me to it. We actually watch porn together. It’s not like we watch it in secret or hide it from each other. So it’s something we both agree with.
> 
> ...


First, don't worry about how common something is. If it is something you and your partner enjoy, builds intimacy between the two of you, is not harmful to either of your (physically or mentally) and you it is not addictive, enjoy it.

You are not a lemming so don't worry if what you do is what everyone else is doing. Enjoy your life. Everything you said about porn and everything people could say against it probably could be said about exploring the use of a vibrator on you with partnered sex.

Life is short, enjoy it, but in a responsible way.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> I'll warn you now, there are a lot of very anti-porn people on this site that believe that all porn is always bad in all circumstances and has no positive value in the world whatsoever. Be prepared for the bashing.
> 
> With that out of the way, you are a full grown, consenting adult having a mutually consensual adult relationship with another full grown consenting adult so as long as you are not engaging in child porn or snuff porn or anything fundamentally illegal and it is not causing you or your partner any distress or dysfunction, it's perfectly ok IMHO.
> 
> ...


I am one of them. I believe it can be mental adultery. I am tempted sometimes but know that addiction to it is not a good thing. My wife would be shocked if I ever watched. I have counseled a lot of people whose marriages broke up because of porn


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

never heard the term "mental adultery," but I guess it's possible. That would be thinking of someone else? Which happens a zillion times a day around the globe.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Depends on the genre I guess


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> Depends on the genre I guess


Even then - other than the creepy illegal underage stuff - what’s good for someone is bad for someone else.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Nicole741 said:


> How common is it for women to watch porn?


My husband and I have watched porn together before, though we haven't in a long time. I don't see the big deal, at least for us, in other words, we have a happy and healthy marriage and watching porn together didn't change that.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I had always hoped my wife would be interested in watching something erotic even if not hardcore just to help liven things up or at least something new and different to do but she's not interested in doing so.

But I see nothing wrong with it if someone or a couple choses to do so.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Nicole741 said:


> Hi
> I just want to share something that is happening to me, which I don’t know if it’s normal.
> I have always been a good girl all my life. I never had hookups, never went to clubs, I slept with a low number of men my entire life and never watched porn.
> I’m 35 and I started watching porn at the age of 31 because my boyfriend introduced me to it. We actually watch porn together. It’s not like we watch it in secret or hide it from each other. So it’s something we both agree with.
> ...


That`s brilliant and if it works for you and enhances the sex life with your boyfriend than why not.
I believe more couples should do this because providing porn does not become an addiction it can actually put more zest into a couples sex life.
Problem is many people, especially women consider porn as something that should be taboo, disgusting and shameful to enjoy.
If whatever we do is legal, than normal is simply a frame of mind, abnormal is what some people impose on themselves.
Good for you.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> That`s brilliant and if it works for you and enhances the sex life with your boyfriend than why not.
> I believe more couples should do this because providing porn does not become an addiction it can actually put more zest into a couples sex life.
> Problem is many people, especially women consider porn as something that should be taboo, disgusting and shameful to enjoy.
> If whatever we do is legal, than normal is simply a frame of mind, abnormal is what some people impose on themselves.
> Good for you.


Interesting chart. Explains why wife enjoys watching FF and threesomes. We cut a deal to watch porn together twice a year. She claims that I like it more, but she gets plenty turned on.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

gameopoly5 said:


> That`s brilliant and if it works for you and enhances the sex life with your boyfriend than why not.
> I believe more couples should do this because providing porn does not become an addiction it can actually put more zest into a couples sex life.
> Problem is many people, especially women consider porn as something that should be taboo, disgusting and shameful to enjoy.
> If whatever we do is legal, than normal is simply a frame of mind, abnormal is what some people impose on themselves.
> Good for you.


Kind of a cool chart, but I wonder about the catagory called, "popular with women"? That's kind of vague and over generalized. What exactly is it? I mean if lesbian porn is listed higher, then shouldn't lesbian porn be the one carrying the Popular With Women label? 

And what is in the Popular With Women catagory that makes it popular with women?

It's kind of like going to the grocery store and finding a can on the shelf labelled "Good Food."


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Kind of a cool chart, but I wonder about the catagory called, "popular with women"? That's kind of vague and over generalized. What exactly is it? I mean if lesbian porn is listed higher, then shouldn't lesbian porn be the one carrying the Popular With Women label?
> 
> And what is in the Popular With Women catagory that makes it popular with women?
> 
> It's kind of like going to the grocery store and finding a can on the shelf labelled "Good Food."


Good catch. Noticed that, too. From
home life here, FF and a variety of threeways fit
that category, along with watching a woman pleasure herself.
Our watching those scenes has inspired us, shall we say.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Nothing wrong with it in my view, and here is 2022 year in review for those interested 



https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2022-year-in-review#categories


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Jamieboy said:


> Nothing wrong with it in my view, and here is 2022 year in review for those interested
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2022-year-in-review#categories


Interesting that growth in “bi male watched by women.“ Kinda like how men enjoy watching lesbians? The exotic erotic appeal? Wonder if some wives imagine their hubbies being with another hubby. They’d never admit it, lol.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Good catch. Noticed that, too. From
> home life here, FF and a variety of threeways fit
> that category, along with watching a woman pleasure herself.
> Our watching those scenes has inspired us, shall we say.


Back in our younger days, my wife liked group/orgy and amateur swinger scenes. At first it was just sexy pillow talk. Then it turned into "what do you think of...." talk. and then that turned into "would you be interested in....." talk. and that eventually turned into, "why shouldn't we???" talk.

Ultimately we spent about 10 years in the swinging lifestyle and many of our real life experiences were better than anything we saw in the movies


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Interesting that growth in “bi male watched by women.“ Kinda like how men enjoy watching lesbians? The exotic erotic appeal? Wonder if some wives imagine their hubbies being with another hubby. They’d never admit it, lol.


I can't remember the name of it and to be honest it was not a good movie, but there is some movie with Julianna Moore where she is married to a woman and one of them has a teenage daughter from a previous hetero relationship. 

There is a scene where the daughter walks in on the two women having sex and they are watching gay male porn together. 

The daughter kind of flips her lid on why are two lesbians are watching gay male porn. The mom explains that arousal is funny thing and that you are turned on by what you are turned on by, even if it doesn't make any sense and even if it doesn't fall in accordance with your primary orientation. 

My wife, who in the past did enjoy various types of porn, would probably puke on your shoes if you even mentioned male bi/gay porn. 

However, she openly admits to getting very hot and bothered watching real wrestling (the actual competitive sport of wrestling, not WWE stuff) and actual MMA fighting. 

My personal theory is women find fit, aggressive males dominating other males sexually appealing.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Back in our younger days, my wife liked group/orgy and amateur swinger scenes. At first it was just sexy pillow talk. Then it turned into "what do you think of...." talk. and then that turned into "would you be interested in....." talk. and that eventually turned into, "why shouldn't we???" talk.
> 
> Ultimately we spent about 10 years in the swinging lifestyle and many of our real life experiences were better than anything we saw in the movies


Fantastic. Our pillow chat about swinging has gone from her saying “no way” to “we never know the future” and “never say never” Hmmm interesting.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> Back in our younger days, my wife liked group/orgy and amateur swinger scenes. At first it was just sexy pillow talk. Then it turned into "what do you think of...." talk. and then that turned into "would you be interested in....." talk. and that eventually turned into, "why shouldn't we???" talk.
> 
> Ultimately we spent about 10 years in the swinging lifestyle and many of our real life experiences were better than anything we saw in the movies


Lucky man...I hate you by the way


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Back in our younger days, my wife liked group/orgy and amateur swinger scenes. At first it was just sexy pillow talk. Then it turned into "what do you think of...." talk. and then that turned into "would you be interested in....." talk. and that eventually turned into, "why shouldn't we???" talk.
> 
> Ultimately we spent about 10 years in the swinging lifestyle and many of our real life experiences were better than anything we saw in the movies


we need details! Lol


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

I discovered my W was into it one night fairly early on in our relationship. We were watching Better Than Chocolate, and she jumped me as soon as the credits began to roll. So we've incorporated carefully chosen porn into our sex life. Often just pictures vs videos. 

Once a week we try something we've seen and enjoyed. It's helped her realize that women are highly sexual beings, and she shouldn't be shy about that. She's much more relaxed and happy about her high sex drive.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Quad73 said:


> I discovered my W was into it one night fairly early on in our relationship. We were watching Better Than Chocolate, and she jumped me as soon as the credits began to roll. So we've incorporated carefully chosen porn into our sex life. Often just pictures vs videos.
> 
> Once a week we try something we've seen and enjoyed. It's helped her realize that women are highly sexual beings, and she shouldn't be shy about that. She's much more relaxed and happy about her high sex drive.


Kinda think that has happened to a lesser degree here.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Quad73 said:


> I discovered my W was into it one night fairly early on in our relationship. We were watching Better Than Chocolate, and she jumped me as soon as the credits began to roll. So we've incorporated carefully chosen porn into our sex life. Often just pictures vs videos.
> 
> Once a week we try something we've seen and enjoyed. It's helped her realize that women are highly sexual beings, and she shouldn't be shy about that. She's much more relaxed and happy about her high sex drive.


I definitely think there is something to this. 

In her writings and material, anthropologist and researcher Dr Wednesday Martin uses the term, "women's sexuality takes the shape of it's social container." 

What that means is that female sexuality is very fluid and will often take the shape of the the social environment which she is in. 

If a woman is in a very rigid, sex-negative and judgemental environment which could FOO, church, social group etc etc, she will often also have a very rigid, sex-negative and repressed view of sexuality. 

Take her out of that environment and place her in a more open and accepting and embracing environment that values and embraces female sexual empowerment, and that once very rigid and repressed, sex-negative church lady may soon let her Freak Flag fly. 

Porn can play a role in female sexual agency and empowerment. The conservative view is that porn is demeaning to women and that all of the female performers are exploited and sex trafficked and that is all hard bodied 19 year olds etc and that porn destructive and harmful to women. 

But there is material out there that crosses all sexual domains and while I do not argue that there is stuff out there that is demeaning and subjucating, there is also material out there that is very female positive and very empowering and liberating for women. 

When women can see other women owning and embracing their own sexuality and enjoying their own sexualities, it can give other women the courage and empowerment to do the same. 

Now obviously the devil is in the details and the tone and nature of the material is critical. If the content is consensual and erotic and respectful and clearly demonstrates female agency, that is clearly going to have a more positive effect than something that doesn't. 

If one is mindful and selective and purposefully filters for content that is positive, it can have a positive outcome.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

It would be interesting to see if any studies have been done that relate a couples sexual satisfaction to if they watch or read anything erotic or pornographic together?

I think just having that as another tool in the tool box of things to do would add to some excitement\happiness. I think if a guy wanted to do that with his wife and they had agreed to do it at certain times, it certainly would be something exciting to look forward to.

Just wondering...


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> I definitely think there is something to this.
> 
> In her writings and material, anthropologist and researcher Dr Wednesday Martin uses the term, "women's sexuality takes the shape of it's social container."
> 
> ...


This almost perfectly describes our situation, except my W was somewhat sexually shy and awkward vs repressed etc.

I could write a lot about this and our journey to our current situation which is unimaginable to most, ie best sex of our lives at high frequency 20+yrs in.

The irony being, at our age it ain't gonna last much longer. So it will likely be seen as an excellent short run


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Quad73 said:


> This almost perfectly describes our situation, except my W was somewhat sexually shy and awkward vs repressed etc.
> 
> I could write a lot about this and our journey to our current situation which is unimaginable to most, ie best sex of our lives at high frequency 20+yrs in.
> 
> The irony being, at our age it ain't gonna last much longer. So it will likely be seen as an excellent short run


Also at a 20-year high. Not sure why, either.


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## Berksguy1 (1 d ago)

Nicole741 said:


> Hi
> I just want to share something that is happening to me, which I don’t know if it’s normal.
> I have always been a good girl all my life. I never had hookups, never went to clubs, I slept with a low number of men my entire life and never watched porn.
> I’m 35 and I started watching porn at the age of 31 because my boyfriend introduced me to it. We actually watch porn together. It’s not like we watch it in secret or hide it from each other. So it’s something we both agree with.
> ...


that’s a great post. It’s hard to think of a more positive post about yourself, sex and your partner. Be happy enjoy yourself - you’re hurting no one!


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