# How did you & kids handle first Christmas without each other together?



## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

In brief, H is 60 miles away in a hotel room spending Christmas alone. Original plan he was to be in AZ with his family this week and next. With that plan, I said the two weeks apart I felt was much needed. Well, after counseling with his pastor, plan was nixed and due to me making that comment he turned it into a _I don't want him here for Christmas _so he left yesterday and won't be back until Sunday. His son who lives 3hours away is with him, but he will be taking him back home on Christmas day, driving back and staying the night in same hotel that is 60 miles away then coming home Sunday morning.

Much more detail behind all this...but without writing a book...I'm viewing this Christmas with my daughter I guess, as a 'trial run' of how it would be being divorced. Maybe not quite fair to veiw that way since he is coming back...but with all that has happend over last few years, and events that have taken place last few months, I know in my heart the right thing to do. It's just getting the courage and strength to get to the final destination of my happiness.

So.....DD is with grandma right now since I'm working today. H calls her last night before she goes to bed, then I call her. My mom says after talking with her dad, she has made comment at least 5 different times _"Daddy says this is a one time thing of him not being here for Christmas."_ I guess I had hoped, he would not make a bid deal of it to her since this was HIS doing. 

When he ask me numerous times, I told him this was never about Christmas. When going to AZ, it was different AND he was with family. I said I was concerned for our DD and he replied that is worse part being way BUT, he was more concerned that I wasn't concerend for US (him & I) not being together at Christmas. My daughter and I are becoming priority for me. And I apologized to him that I'm not saying what he wants to hear.

Just like when she says a bad word...I correct her that the word is not nice and I don't want her to say it again. Point made, move on. If you make big fuss and deal about it, her little minds goes and wonders and then she will focus on that and say it again and again. So, I had same thought with H gone. Don't dwell on it and enjoy. Obviously, he doesn't feel that way. He feels need to keep justifying to her about not being here and now my fear is Christmas morning she may break down and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to not break down as my heart always hurts when she does. She was fine with it other night as she simply said to him _"Guess your not gonna be here to open presents, huh."_ In tone like, too bad for you. Then subject was changed.

So, I'm asking...those of you who are divorced, seperated, etc...how did you handle your first Christmas? I'm wanting to start a new tradition with her. Thought Christmas Eve we would make FRESH cut outs for Santa! Have feeling this is last year she believes...She discovered Santa at school had tennis shoes on under those black things and dark hair peeking out under his beard.  She's 7, she said it in a tone like _"can you believe the nerve of the school dressing up someone to be Santa???"_

So, if you don't mind sharing, I'd love some insight or just your story in general.

Thank you!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, my boys were really little the first Christmas after my divorce, my oldest was 2 months short of being 3, and my youngest was 3 months old. So, for me, it was very different. But I have just never made a big deal about their father not being here for Christmas. He's never here for any other time of year, so it seems silly to me to make it a big deal at Christmas. 

My boyfriend has now stepped in and he really acts like a dad to them, which I love but never expected. He wasn't able to be home for Christmas last year, and we talked about how we wished he could be, but we knew that he loved us and would have been here if he could. 

Pretty much, I try to handle it as though it's not a big deal. Just kind of "here's the situation, it sucks, but we'll be fine, let's move on."


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Is it just you and your daughter? I would say make it exciting and fun, do "girlie" things and create a memory that will outlive the fact that dad's not there. He'll be there the day after, it's not like he's just gone forever. If she breaks down, say "Dad will be home tomorrow", then distract her with something fun. She'll feel assured and will come back around. 

Just act like it's not a big deal, don't worry about future Christmas times, just focus on this one and make it great for her.


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

HappyHer said:


> Is it just you and your daughter? I would say make it exciting and fun, do "girlie" things and create a memory that will outlive the fact that dad's not there. He'll be there the day after, it's not like he's just gone forever. If she breaks down, say "Dad will be home tomorrow", then distract her with something fun. She'll feel assured and will come back around.
> 
> Just act like it's not a big deal, don't worry about future Christmas times, just focus on this one and make it great for her.


Yes, just her and I. On Christmas day we will go to my moms for dinner where my Aunt and grandma will be as well. An all female Christmas. 

That's always been my problem...worry about future not living for today. Which is why I'm in this pickle! Lol...Thank you. I'm actually looking forward to just her and I. I just want to do right by her is all. She's my miracle and never want her to feel sad or that she is missing something.


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