# Reconsiliation questions with changing finances???



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My H and I are continuing to work towards reconsilation and him moving back in to the family home.

He just told me he wants to close the joint checking account and have our own accounts. He wants to take care of the bills if he moves back in. I guess he wants us to each have seperate accounts nad he will put money into my account for the things I need to do.

I'm not sure how this will work.

Anyone else have any ideas


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## AwakeMysoul (Dec 4, 2011)

Early in my marriage we had three accounts. My account, his account and the bill account. We seemed to be more apt to focus on the bills together and work to a more agreeable budget than when we finally combined all our accounts. As soon as we combined our accounts it opened up criticism from him about how I spent my "allowance" and I in turn would pick on his purchases as well. The priority was that the bill account was able to cover all house bills, utilities and credit. 

Also simple things like buying a gift didn't come with the feeling he bought a gift with money I earned. The only negative was I found he was spending some money on internet web sites I wasn't fond of and felt he was using his "privacy" of his account to not hinder him from making those purchases. Had it would of shown on the joint account I don't think he would of made those purchases.

I may be wrong...


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

We have had a joint account since before we were legally married. We are in a common law state and so have been married since we moved in together in Jan 2001. I had a out of state account and he was a member of a local bank. My name was added to the account. At the time I moved in I was working, but part time as I was retail and 8 months pregnant. 

We have 3 children now and all have special needs. I have not worked outside the home since 2003 because I have a disability caused by a work injury, but not enough to get disability payments or anything. I have worked in the home and brought in money that way that all went into the joint account.

I won't be working again because of the disability and the childrens needs. 

I don't honestly know how this is going to work. I'll have to trust him to pay all the bills.

I don't think I really will need my own checking account if I can't work. I have 1 now because we are seperated and he has to pay support


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why did you separate?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SurvivingTX (Dec 4, 2011)

When we started out, she insisted on seperate accounts. I insisted that if we are married, we should share everything. We combined accounts.

I worked, she stayed at home with the kids (much harder work), and she paid the bills. After several events that I found the bills were not paid, I took over the bill paying. She set up her own acct because it gave her "independence". After I found she was transferring money and not advising on the joint acct, things began to bounce. This happened a couple of times, so I opened a seperate acct for the bills. She continued to do the same with the joint acct, so I opened my own sepearte acct, without her having access. This was over the course of 99-2004. Things have been like this for about 7 years. All bills are paid on time, and no one messes in my acct. I keep the ledger for all of these accounts on the computer to which she accesses the spreadsheet (so she can see exactly where I am spending the money). She does not keep a ledger, and I do not have access to her acct.

So... after nearly 15 years of marriage, things are exactly as she asked from the beginning. Only problem is she really doesn't like them this way, and says that the accts should all be joint and she can handle paying the bills. Hmmmm...

Bottom line, do what works for you. We have gone both ways, and she wasn't happy with either way.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband seems to be thinking about something different from day to day. I guess I should not worry about this so much. So he wants me to pay the bills and he will just transfer $$ to my acct so I can pay the bills. I have always paid the bills and most bills have been paid on time, but we have been financially drained for years and are in the process of bankrupcy and will be getting rid of all our debt except for 2 cars.

I don't trust him to pay all the bills if he has total responsibility of it. I'm guessing I would eventually be paying the bills anyway. 

He is paying me support right now and paying all bills. Hes never had this power before and I'm guessing he likes it. He has slipped up a bit this week though. He did not plan for a short check last week due to holidays and has failed to pay me support for the week. He also owes me $$ for my car payment which I had to pay last week before it hit our credit with 30 day late.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

PBear said:


> Why did you separate?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WE seperated because I could not handle his anger anymore, but I was sort of pushing his buttons without really knowing I was doing it. I had been doing this for years. My parents were a huge influence with how I felt. My husband and I also grew very very distant from eachother and it felt like we were just room mates. I felt like divorce was the only answer. I had a friend on FB that turned into an EA. I started staying up late, but I was also staying up late before this happened too because I worried that my husband was not in love with me anymore.

So my husband blew up one night when he got home from work becaue he was prying for info about why I was staying up so late. He blew up so bad that I got a restraining order. 

I feel so bad about everything that happened. It has given us time to think about everything from day 1 of our relationship. 

With the seepration it made him concentrate on helping himself more. He was already going to IC for himself, but instead of doing it for me. He did it for himself and his kids.

I think He and I relized what we each were doing to sabatoge our marriage. I've learned no counselor can tell you how to fix your marriage. 

So thats the story, short version


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Ok. My concern would have been if he was cheating on you, and separate accounts would have made things easier to go back to that.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Oh, I see that concern now, Pbear....


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## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

To be honest, I don’t really see the point in it if you are reconciling. We have three checking accounts..one joint and one each where we are the primary on it, but the other spouse is still on there. These accounts is where our allowance gets transferred each month (meaning our mad money to do what we want with each month). 

It would make me very uneasy. I just don’t see the point in it, but maybe I am missing a valid point for it.:scratchhead:


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

We have never had seperate accounts and I can't work. I am a bit nervous with not having any control over things. I guess it might be a communication issue once he actually is living with us again. He has been known to tell me thigns are none of my business. So I'm afraid of not knowing when things are paid, how much money we have, when can I go grocery shopping, when can I take the special needs children to their dr and therapy appts, him feelign he can do what ever he wants and me having no control over things at all.

So thats my reasoning on this sudden change.


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