# It's official.



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

We have been together for 24years, married for 16. As of yesterday we have separated. Despite my best efforts to the contrary she no longer wishes to continue. We did go to MC and engaged in countless talks etc but to no avail. 

When I joined this forum I came looking for answers. Why what was happening in my marriage was happening. How was I responsible, what could I do etc. 

Standing up for myself and my needs was the best advice I received. 

Am I glad it's over? Yes and no. Yes because now I can begin to live again and create the kind of relationship I desire. No because I am going to miss my kids like crazy. That is the hardest part of all.

I'm very sure there will be no reconciliation. There was no infidelity and addictions of any kind that caused this. Just a slow downward spiral in to negativity and chaos.

Onward and upward.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

good luck. you got the rest of your life ahead of you.

see it as an opportunity to grow and explore.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

It always is sad and mystifying when two people who started out loving each other do not continue as such. I hope all your time with your kids is quality time.


----------



## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Thanks for the update, Canadian.
Sorry it has come to this, because that seems to be the right thing to say. How are you doing with all of this?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This may not be any comfort but... welcome to the club 

It's tough, but I'm sure you'll get through it, probably do better than me as well, just know you're not alone mate.


----------



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Thanks for the replies. So far it seems that a difficult part was asking her to keep working on the marriage. She did not want to.

Last Monday I asked her to be clear, either she wanted to work on the marriage or not. If she did not I would move out. 

That was a good thing to do. As one can not live with a fence sitter. Either you're in or you're out. I had made my intentions and commitment to the marriage very clear. I wanted to stay married and work on strengthening our friendship. Not what she was prepared to do. 

I got my answer and moved out. 

I total of 16 years of marriage and 3 months of MC and working on the marriage. Kind of a poor ration for a attempt at repair. Both parties have to want to work on the marriage. She does not want to. 

Missing the kids will be the hardest part. I have a daughter 14 and a boy 11. That will suck getting used to not seeing them as much as I am used to. Correction. That will REALLY suck.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You'll get used to it, it'll be tough for the first few months though, especially after 16 yrs. I advise that you get a pet so you won't come home to sudden silence all the time, but that's just how I coped.

The good thing though is that when you do see your kids, you do appreciate time with them more, something I realised.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

What are you going to do if and when she calls and tells you she has changed her mind. With you being gone she may start to feel the full impact of you being gone.


----------



## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Did you write up a Separation Agreement? I think you have 30 days to do it, but it's important. I'm curious to know what she does when she has to go through that exercise. 

It's one thing to have you move out. It's another altogether to go through a list of everything in the house and decide who gets what.


----------



## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

I am heading in that same direction CanadianGuy so I definitely feel your pain.


----------



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Random dude and deejov
Thanks for the insights, much appreciated. Especially the separation thing. I will definitely check into that.

Thound. I'm almost positive that call will never come. Once my stbxw puts her mind to something it very very rarely changed.

Wing man. It ain't pretty is it.


----------



## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

In Canada, each province has their own rules on Marital property.
If you wait until the divorce (in a year) you could get nailed for abadonment after 30 days, or she could "win" physical custody of things you removed from the house, and property deemed "yours" --- well, she could have given it away, or put it all in someone else's name. After 30 days.... there could be no recourse. Physical property could be all hers. (everything from dishes to furniture)

I was shocked at the Canadian versus provincial rules. If you are in Ontario, it's worse. She gets half even if you owned it before marriage. Ugh. 

There are free templates online.


----------



## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

Hi, I'm curious, during the MC, did she air out what exactly she was so unhappy with, and was there anything you could do?


----------



## d4rkb0t (Jun 4, 2013)

Sometimes is better to be alone than with the wrong company. Today it hurts but you will see that time heals everything.


----------

