# I have had it with this guy!!!



## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

I haven't been living with my husband since April. I left because the conditions we lived in were intolerable. We lived with his mother who was always *****ing and moaning about something. I was the only person who ever cleaned anything in the house. (last time I went over there the inside of the toilet was black and the floor was brown. gross!) We were remodeling a mobile home for us to live in. I thought we still were, but it seems that almost nothing has been done all summer. First it was going to be done in the spring. Then it was by the end of summer. He only calls to check on me 1-2 times a week. He only comes over here (I'm stuck living with my parents) if I bug him to long enough. He doesn't have a home phone so I can't call him. 

To make this even more aggrivating, I'm pregnant with this morons kid. Since I've been pregnant he has gone to one doctors appointment with me. He left early because he didn't want to stay for the exam or blood tests. He said he WANTED to have a kid. Me (like an idiot) went along with it. Now I feel like I've pretty much been deserted. 

Anyone have any guesses to what his problem is? I'm thinking:
1. He's freaking out about having a kid.
2. He never wanted a kid in the first place.
3. He's cheating.
4. He just simply is no longer interested in me at all.

Considering his actions (or lack of) I'm thinking about divorcing him. I hate to do it since I'm pregnant with his kid, but I don't want to be raising him and a kid too. Oh, he also said he thinks if he wants anything he'd better buy it before the kid is born. Things like stereo equipment. LOL. 33 going on 16.


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

divorce him?? Can I ask you if there are some more issues than that to divorce him??? Yes he gives you and the baby no attention and you are right about that he is acting wrong but he might me scared now that he will not be a good father to the kid, or does he have any reason to think that this is not his child? Yes he might me cheating too but I can't guarantee it. I don't know him....
Did you find any calls from other women? where did he go when he left the exam?
Just trying to figure out with you!

btw: yes nasty with the restroom -.- *uuugghh**


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Yes, there are other issues. I've been tempted to leave him before but tried to work things out. Before we got married I told him I didn't want to marry a smoker. He promised me he'd quit. Well, he didn't, he tried to lie about it for 6 months. Before anyone goes on the "but it's soooo hard to quit smoking" thing keep in mind that he should have at least told the truth about it. He also can't seem to use a hair brush (he has hair down to the middle of his back), refuses to brush his teeth, and has an odor like rotting flesh coming from his arm pits. They even smell after he's taken a shower! He dosen't care that he looks like white trash. This has been going on for 2 of the 3 years we have been married. 

After the exam he said he'd meet me back at our house we are/were remodeling. I didn't get out of the appointment until 2 hours later. He was not there because he was at his friends house. I couldn't even call him to ask where he was because he has no phone. He also REFUSES to get a phone. 

He has no reason to believe the kid dosen't belong to him. He thought it would be a good idea for us to have a kid and I agreed. I got pregnant soon after. I've never cheated on him at all.


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Also another reason I've been so irritated with him. His mom would say and imply bad things about me. He never disagreed or stood up to me. He even agreed with her sometimes! 

Also "little white lies", exagerated stories, etc. I was at the mobile home once when he called me from someone elses phone. He said he was at the mobile home! LOL. I asked him "Where??? I'm standing on the front porch and I don't see you anywhere!"


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

hmmm.... did he take showers and NOT smell before he got married?
did he brush his teeth before that? Is so, he might have a issue that is going on for his "unusual" behavior... even though it is going on for years now.... did you try to talk to him about that? how does he react?


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Before we got married he actuallly wore deoderant and cologne. I guess it masked the smell. He has never been great with brushing his teeth like he should. I'd bug him to do it and he finally would. When I had dental insurance I talked him into going to an oral surgeon. He had to have 9 teeth removed! He never did go back to have the rest of them cleaned and filled. He said once he wanted them to all rott out and get dentures. LOL. He used to keep his hair a lot nicer. I would brush it for him a lot when we were married and I'm the only person he's let trim his hair since he was 18. That part has gotten continuously worse. I think when we were dating he would only try to look nice or smell good to impress me. After that I think he just didn't bother anymore. He said one time "who do I have to impress?" (ummm, hello??)

When I try to talk to him about it he dosen't say much or changes the subject. I told him once that his breath smelled like dog sht. I made it clear I wasn't trying to hurt him by saying that, I just wanted him to realize what I was having to smell. As far as his hair he claims he doesn't have the time or energy to brush it completely. He refuses to believe his armpits smell. If he does realize it he's in denial. 

Our sex life has suffered badly because of this too. I can't stand the smell of being that close to him. I try and try to explain but don't get anywhere. He just gets mad at me. I'm so, so tired of having to deal with this. 

Oh, one other thing. He cusses a lot, and loudly. It's embarrasing. I've asked him numerous times to talk quietly or don't cuss. Nothing changes. He even cusses in the toy section of stores when theres kids around!!


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

oh, this doesn't sound too good. cussing is a thing that I really don't like. And you are right specially in front of kids......

he might feels offended by the way to tell him. (he feels like he will never be good enough for you) The same thing when you don't like when he cusses and talks loud. You know, sometime (or better) most of the time we have to change something about our selves before we want a change in somebody else.... 

I just saw what you added as well! It is not correct that he agrees with his mom, he should rather talk to you about it! is she telling lies or things that you would not agree with her about you? 
I'm not trying to offend you, just figuring out that there might be problems from both sides!


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

I know I'm not perfect, lol  I've told him that and even apologized in writing. I told him I'd try to be nicer and we needed to communicate more. That lasted about a month, the communication part anyway. I don't really bug him or nag him. Most likely I let too much go. 

I don't know what he'd want me to change. I do have depression that gets severe at times. I wish I could change that, probably more than he does. I'm doing everything possible with getting treatment. That has put a strain on things many times. When I get too upset or stressed I get a little wierd and paranoid. What can I do though?

His mom... omg. Just thinking of her makes my head want to explode. When I still lived with him I heard them argueing one morning. It was something about us moving to the mobile home. She asked him who was going to cook his food? Wash his clothes? Clean the house? and so on. It seemed to me she was implying I was going to do absolutely nothing. I didn't cook much there because the kitchen was always gross. Both of them would leave trash all over the counters and dirty pans on the stove. If I wanted to cook I had to clean the whole kitchen first. By then I was too tired to cook. She hardly did any cleaning. Her bedroom hasn't been cleaned a single time since I've known her. His room wouldn't have if I didn't clean it. It was ok with him if there was dog pee on the floor as long as it was dried up or he wiped it up with a towl. I had to scrub the place all the time with disinfectant. 

The pets are another thing. He wants to bring our 2 dogs to the house. His pees on the furnature. Mine is an idiot. I admit I didn't do a good job training him. He will pee outside, then come in and pee on the carpet and furnature. I don't want them in the house because I don't want my kid crawling around where the dog has made a mess. Yuck.

Another day gone by I haven't heard from him. This makes a week. I'm starting to think I should talk to a lawyer.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Honey bless your heart. You have to tell a grown man to brush his teeth and hair? His armpits smell? Even after he showers....

Enough to send me running, damn its not that hard to shower...I personally can't stand not brushing my teeth shortly after I get out of bed...the man needs to cut the hair if he doesn't want to take care of it. Dentures at 30? Wow, now that's laziness. 

Ugh sorry, he just sounds unpleasant, no wonder you don't want to have sex with him? How could you "want" that? 

As far as his mother's concerned...prob jealous her kiddo has a spouse, some parents are this way, doesn't condone what they do, but they still do it, sounds like her son might possibly get some of his immaturity from her. Apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. 

About the cussing, I'll admit I do it like a sailor, but certainly not in Toys R Us.

I'm guessing if you haven't heard from your husband in a week I'd probably call a lawyer too.


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

yes everything sound ugly, but I would still wait with the lawyer.... I mean you don't need a divorce right away? do you? what if he admit his faults? But I know there are so many gross things that he does that doesn't make this marriage easy. At least now you know where he has his "willing to be clean" from. Yes apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. In this case as well I guess. I just don't like to judge!

It is just sad for me to somebody giving up her marriage but the thing is, it seems like that he is not that into it.... 
are you calling or texting him to come to you or didn't you talk to him at all in this week?


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

I guess I don't need a divorce right away. Unless he is up to something I don't know about... Once I make my mind up about something I like to get it done asap. I don't think things are going to get better. I'd only be more angry about him being a slob with a baby around. Then, what kind of role model will he be when the kid gets older? 

I still haven't heard from him. Tonight will be one week and one day. I'm not suprised. I have no way of contacting him without calling his moms cell phone. I hate calling her. I thought about going by their house. I have a bunch of pork rinds I might leave there. I sure don't want them. Possibly leave a note... or check to see if that mountain of dirty clothes in the basement fell over and smothered him, LOL. 

BTW, thanks for your responses!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

LOL! I'm not saying divorce him because he's dirty although that in itself is a MAJOR turnoff it can be fixed should he want to change it.

The thing that throws me off is that it's been a week + that she hasn't heard from him. No unless they choose mutually to go NC seems to me as there should a tad more communication.


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## angryandfrustrated (Sep 12, 2009)

I only read half of the replies before I have to say I would move on! You sound like you know what you want and it isnt what he is willing to give. You said he looks like white trash...are you sure he isnt? Is this a man that will be able to keep a baby clean if he wont clean himself? What happens when you go to work and he and the baby trash your home? Are you going to be ok with cleaning 8 hours of messing after working 8 hours and probably being up with the baby several times the night before? Will you even be able to trust him to keep a good eye on the baby as it grows into a curious toddler? You are better than this...he is holding you back. Set some goals with single motherhood in mind. Maybe go back to school and do what you can to save money to buy your own place or remodel that trailer by yourself, because you cant count on this mama's boy to house you if he cant even defend you. There is just so much going on with him, dont let him disappoint you anymore than he already has.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


angryandfrustrated said:


> I only read half of the replies before I have to say I would move on! You sound like you know what you want and it isnt what he is willing to give. You said he looks like white trash...are you sure he isnt? Is this a man that will be able to keep a baby clean if he wont clean himself? What happens when you go to work and he and the baby trash your home? Are you going to be ok with cleaning 8 hours of messing after working 8 hours and probably being up with the baby several times the night before? Will you even be able to trust him to keep a good eye on the baby as it grows into a curious toddler? You are better than this...he is holding you back. Set some goals with single motherhood in mind. Maybe go back to school and do what you can to save money to buy your own place or remodel that trailer by yourself, because you cant count on this mama's boy to house you if he cant even defend you. There is just so much going on with him, dont let him disappoint you anymore than he already has.


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

You are SO right angryandfrustrated. Those are some of the things I've been worried about. 

I've decided if (or more like when) we get divorced I'm not going to try to get the trailer. It's what I call a "tin can." Metal roof, metal siding.. I bet the electric bills would be huge. Plus, his sister gave it to us. I think I read something about each person gets to keep gifts and inheritance from their family. 

I went by his and moms house today. The place should be condimed. I took some pics to show the place is not healthy or safe. I would not want my kid to even look through the front door. I also noticed that he'd been to the flea market. He always buys a huge ammount of cheap, out of date candy. If he has time to go there, he should have time to spend with me. I also saw that two of his "nice" shirts were out and laying on a chair in the living room. He NEVER dresses nice anymore unless he's going to a funeral. I wonder who he's trying to impress? I know it isn't me!

I left him a note. I wrote that he must not want to be with me anymore since he hasn't called. If he dosen't call I'll know for sure. I put my phone numbers on it incase he forgot. LOL


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Oh, this is just great. My H just called and he's mad at me for not trying to find him!

He told me he was hiding from the police! WTF???? It turns out that his bosses wife, her daughter, and him got into a fight. They were running their mouth like usual, maybe more than usual, I don't know. He said he didn't want to know about their personal problems. She came back and said that he had enough personal problems of his own to worry about. Then he threw his coffee on her face! Luckly it wasn't hot coffee since he drinks his at room temp. Then the woman and her daughter came at him, he went at them. His boss finally broke it up. Well, the H now has a broken hand and a black eye. They were going to file charges against him but his boss talked them out of it. He stayed at a friends house that night. I guess he never had a chance to call since his weekend was so busy. 

He asked his mom if I'd tried to get ahold of him. I hadn't. Why should I? The way he's been avoiding me I figured he didn't care. He is denying that he hasn't been around enough. Oh, we spent one entire day together in the last 3 months. The rest of the time we'll see eachother for a few hours then he'll find an excuse to leave. I was cooking for him one night and he tried to get out of coming. He denied that too. 

For the record.... The 2 women he was fighting with are real bi****es. Very trashy people. But, it was all just words. At least until he threw his coffee. I'm seriously angry about it. Irate. He thinks he wasn't at fault. I think he never should have let it become physical. THIS IS SO FREAKING STUPID!!!!!


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## 3773519 (Sep 24, 2009)

omg leave asap! i mean like they say its only going to get worse before it even gets better, but it does get better. eventually. men being children is the worse to deal with.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

There is NO way I would deal with this situation. Get out. Every red flag that could be waved is waving in full force here.


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this. I can't believe he'd do something that stupid! I really want to leave him. He's going to be soooo mad when I tell him. I don't know how to say it. He already blames a lot of things on me. He thinks hardly anything is his fault. 

How do you tell someone like this you're done with him???


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## angryandfrustrated (Sep 12, 2009)

Wow it just keeps getting better with this guy! 

I might start by saying that when you married him you were looking for a partner, but especially with the baby coming you dont feel like your relationship is equal and you two are really not as compatible as you thought. You dont have to be mean. Just explain that you have different goals now and you need to take charge of your own life. You can tell him that you still love him, but that you and he have different outlooks, standards, and opinions on too many issues right now for it to be a healthy relationship. Offer to let him be involved with the pregnancy, and assure him that you want him to be part of baby's life, but you just can't accomplish what you want to when you expect things from him that he isnt comfortable with.

Try to avoid saying that he has become a greasy, lazy, immature looser that needs to grow up, and that he just isnt good enough for you, which is the truth but a little mean. 

You are right he makes everything your fault and always will if you dont show him that you mean business. Try to avoid pointing out all of his faults during your breakup though it would be better if he found them himself by recognizing how awesome you can be without him. 

I dont think that you are really ready to be finished at this point so for your sake I hope that he sees how well you are doing and improves himself to match. Dont be surprised though if he doesnt. Just remember that you and your baby dont want that lifestyle and how you live is up to you, so do your best and hope that he can figure out how to catch up.


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## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

WTF... ruunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

He's a hillbilly... classless jerk... 

Come on.. life is too short.. you're better off with one kid... trust me.. you will end up divorcing him anyway.. might as well do it now.. and start fresh with your baby...

He's a moron...


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

angryandfrustrated said:


> Try to avoid saying that he has become a greasy, lazy, immature looser that needs to grow up, and that he just isnt good enough for you, which is the truth but a little mean.





> He's a hillbilly... classless jerk...
> He's a moron...



:smthumbup::lol::rofl:

You guys gave me a good laugh!

I think I am ready to divorce him. I just dread all the bull crap that's going to come with it. Lawyers, trying to find a place to live, tolerating his family, and the list goes on.

Latest update: He was supposed to go to the house to get some work done tomorrow. I was going to meet him there and talk about some things. I got a message on the answering machine tonight from him... saying he's not going to be able to be there! It turns out that child protective services are after his sister and brother-in-law again. WTF??? I guess I'm not too high on the priority list. Those two should deal with those problems on their own. Oh well. I didn't want to see that sorry s.o.b anyway.


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