# Opinions on this



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

"I know that tonight my spouse and I are going to have sex". If you always knew when you will have sex, in your opinion, would that be comforting, exciting or make you feel like you are in a rut?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> "I know that tonight my spouse and I are going to have sex". If you always knew when you will have sex, in your opinion, would that be comforting, exciting or make you feel like you are in a rut?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know for fact that I will be having sex with my wife tonight....and almost every night.

In my opinion it is comforting, exciting and makes me feel wonderful.

:scratchhead:


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I KNOW tonight I won't. Haven't for over a year now, so why would tonight be any different?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm not that thrilled about scheduled sex. There is pressure that goes along with that which makes me edgy.

I much rather it be spontaneous. Unlike some, we don't have every day.
Average 12+time/month.

So, I like to get get home and we talk and she gets playful. and we go for it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqZcYPEszN8


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

flyer said:


> I KNOW tonight I won't. Haven't for over a year now, so why would tonight be any different?


Same here


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

I would find it comforting and exciting. Personally I don't think scheduled sex is a problem, you both know it's going to happen, you are happy about it, you are relaxed, looking forward to it, you are prepared, that's good as far as I am concerned. Me and Hubby don't schedule sex, but we both have a fair idea when it's pretty much guaranteed to happen, like on a Saturday night when both boys are out and we have the house to ourselves, I dress up, we have a few drinks and nibbles ... it's fun


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I like a bit of spontaneity and so does he. We sneak in quickies here and there when the kids are occupied with each other. It's fun to mix it up at different times of the day other than just sticking with the, "okay it's date night and the kids are in bed, you want to go to our room now for our scheduled "presentation"?" 

Although having the kids in bed or better yet, off to grandma's makes it easier to hold meetings in different conference rooms of the house lol. It also makes coitus-interruptus less of a possibility.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I would be absolutely thrilled if I knew I would be getting some tonight. If this were a fact of my life and I knew I would be getting sex 3 or 4 nights a week, I would be pretty content with my life. In fact, I had that with an ex - I knew I could have sex any time I wanted and that it would be pretty mindblowing.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I agree with several other posters.

If I KNEW I was going to have sex tonight, I'd be pretty happy and excited.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Lila said:


> Depends on _how_ you know. in this hypothetical situation, is it a "every Monday night" kind of thing, or a "we've been text flirting all day so I know tonight it's going to be on like Donkey Kong"?


I think this is exactly right. Is it because they really want to, or because you have an appointment?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Either way - awesome.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I love it.

I know my wife and I will be intimate every morning and every night. It's made us happy, true best friends, and inseparable. Previously, when it was spontaneous, it was only spontaneous when I initiated. 

The thing is, some people work well with schedules and can actively turn on their sexy side (and even initiate) when it's part of their schedule. However, take sex off that schedule, some of those same people, who have nothing but positive and pure intentions, tend to overlook sex because it's not on their agenda. They are schedule minded. 

I do not exercise spontaneously, yet it's healthy for my body. If we all waited to spontaneously jump on a treadmill, we wouldn't be very healthy. The same can be said for sex and intimacy in a relationship. Having sex and being intimate daily is healthy for your relationship. Make it a part of your life. Like living healthy is a lifestyle, living in a healthy marriage is also a lifestyle. Sex and intimacy is very much apart of that lifestyle. Does that mean you can't have spontaneous times or extra sessions in a day? Of course not.

Way off track with my answer. I just feel scheduling sex in a relationship where spontaneous isn't (or hasn't) working or someone's needs aren't being met, is a very good option. And adding sex to the schedule has nothing to do with still randomly having spontaneous sex. It should be an either or, in my opinion.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Scheduled sex is SO much better than no sex at all.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Again, I think this all depends on the attitudes of the two involved. If you can come to each other on a scheduled basis with a positive attitude, I think you're right. Some folks would likely start building resentment if they feel obligated based on it being Tuesday night again. That's going to end up in bad sex, and a bad relationship dynamic.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

The OP was meant to be generic, but it also rings true for me and my wife. We don't literally schedule sex via electronic day planners or anything, but we so intuned with the routine we developed that I can basically tell anyone who would want to know the days my wife and I will be having sex over the next 30 days, and I would even have a good chance of telling you whether those days will involve morning, evening or nooner sex. I am definitely the more HD spouse, and my wife is probably closer to what I would consider the lower end of "normal drive". On top of that, I think my wife is a split of having an active desire and a responsive desire. Because of the responsive desire component, I think this routine that we have is good for us. To answer my own question, it both excites and comforts me to know what we will be doing and when. I guess you can say the bigger unknown is what will we do during our time together.

What made me think to start a thread about this is seeing some opinions in various threads where people think their relationship is stale or that there is no spontaneity in their sex lives. Honestly, someone can look at what my wife and I have and think that our way is bad because there is no "mystery", "chasing" or even seducing. IDK, maybe we are in a rut; however, I think it also gives us something to look forward to when you're trying to juggle life with teens and their activities.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We have sex pretty much every night and often in the morning as well. To me it is fantastic and even though we are going to do it, it still feels spontaneous, don't ask me how, it just happens that way.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Today is Wednesday = sex night. Boring. But as one poster said, better than nothing.

I remember happier times with a girlfriend when we flirted all day building up the excitement bit by bit because we knew we couldn't ravish each other till much later....the sexual tension grew and grew until when we could have each other it was mind blowing!

Sadly I never married her...I should have done. Now I have a disinterested lump of ice for a wife.

Even if she said OK...sex every Sunday afternoon I really don't think I could be bothered anymore. Too much damage has been done in teh past.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> We have sex pretty much every night and often in the morning as well. To me it is fantastic and even though we are going to do it, it still feels spontaneous, don't ask me how, it just happens that way.


Yep. For my wife and I, sex is pretty much a given and it's still exciting and has that spontaneous feeling to it. Even if it's been a long day, tired, stressed out, what ever, it's still going to happen and we both still look forward to it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We know we're going to have sex pretty much every day. That's comforting. Sometimes we will plan to have a special date night, and that's exciting. My wife especially likes her anticipation to build for date nights.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I'm not a fan of scheduled sex because plans change and things don't always work out the way we think they will. I don't want to feel like I have an obligation every "Wednesday" night. If I am sick, feel wiped out from a long day, etc., I may not be up for it that night and don't want to have my husband mad because it didn't happen. I don't like that. 

With that said, my husband and I tend to have sex almost every night. It's never planned/outright expected, but it happens a lot. I love it a lot more when my husband takes me by surprise(not waiting til the end of the night, but going for it right after our son goes to sleep, during his nap time, etc.).


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

RedRose14 said:


> I would find it comforting and exciting. Personally I don't think scheduled sex is a problem, you both know it's going to happen, you are happy about it, you are relaxed, looking forward to it, you are prepared, that's good as far as I am concerned. Me and Hubby don't schedule sex, but we both have a fair idea when it's pretty much guaranteed to happen, like on a Saturday night when both boys are out and we have the house to ourselves, I dress up, we have a few drinks and nibbles ... it's fun


My wife and I the same.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

The last time I was sure that we would have sex (going out to dinner for the first time since the kids, about a year), nice dinner and drinks, end up going home and she states that she's really tired (which was obvious as she had her flannel pj's on). Since then, I never expect sex. Better off planning to win the Powerball, as chances of that happening are much greater.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> The last time I was sure that we would have sex (going out to dinner for the first time since the kids, about a year), nice dinner and drinks, end up going home and she states that she's really tired (which was obvious as she had her flannel pj's on). Since then, I never expect sex. *Better off planning to win the Powerball*, as chances of that happening are much greater.


You can't win if you don't play. But you also can't lose.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

You guys make me feel so great. I'm going to kiss my wife and tell her how great of a wife/woman she is (even though I do that often anyways).


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> The OP was meant to be generic, but it also rings true for me and my wife. We don't literally schedule sex via electronic day planners or anything, but we so intuned with the routine we developed that I can basically tell anyone who would want to know the days my wife and I will be having sex over the next 30 days, and I would even have a good chance of telling you whether those days will involve morning, evening or nooner sex. I am definitely the more HD spouse, and my wife is probably closer to what I would consider the lower end of "normal drive". On top of that, I think my wife is a split of having an active desire and a responsive desire. Because of the responsive desire component, I think this routine that we have is good for us. To answer my own question, it both excites and comforts me to know what we will be doing and when. I guess you can say the bigger unknown is what will we do during our time together.


If you are schedule minded, your way is absolutely perfect. There is nothing wrong or less exciting to me the way you do things. But it's all I ever knew. I didn't randomly go to clubs and have one night stands. In high school I didn't go out to the movies one night and never talk about sex and just hope it happened in the car. I communicated always, regardless of how mature I was. I may have been the most immature person in the world, but prior to any sexual activity, me and my girlfriends would talk on the phone or send messages talking about what we could try or if Saturday our parents would be home so maybe we could hang out and do other things. Never have I just met a girl and spontaneous had sex with them. With scheduling, nothing has changed other than we both know its part of our life, it's part of a healthy marriage, and it absolutely doesn't take away from any spontaneous feeling I "used" to have when we were first married or when I was single.

If I walk up to you and kiss you and rub your body, the spontaneous thought that seems to be a big deal is gone. My wife knows what I want. There is no different from me just walking in the laundry room and asking, "Do you want to spend time together?" Schedule or no schedule.

My humble.




askari said:


> Today is Wednesday = sex night. Boring. But as one poster said, better than nothing.
> 
> I remember happier times with a girlfriend when we flirted all day building up the excitement bit by bit because we knew we couldn't ravish each other till much later....the sexual tension grew and grew until when we could have each other it was mind blowing!
> 
> ...


Yes, a single sex night would be horrible. In fact, after sex on Wednesday I would be absolutely depressed because knowing our schedule and knowing the next time I get intimacy is 7 days away would depress me horribly. I can see how scheduling, when it's once or twice a week would be a nightmare for someone like me that likes to be intimate with my wife and spend real quality marriage time with her. To down schedule and put 99% of everything else you do as a priority in your schedule over the 1% intimacy you've scheduled would absolutely drive me crazy.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

For those of you who have sex every day or almost every day I just want to say - that sounds so great. 

But yeah...for those of us who are or were experiencing serious lack of sex, I thought scheduling it would guarantee that I would get at least SOME. He never agreed to a schedule because he wanted sex to be "spontaneous" and he wouldn't have sex when I initiated so we had sex (together) about once a month, if I was lucky.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

askari said:


> Today is Wednesday = sex night. Boring. But as one poster said, better than nothing.
> 
> I remember happier times with a girlfriend when we flirted all day building up the excitement bit by bit because we knew we couldn't ravish each other till much later....the sexual tension grew and grew until when we could have each other it was mind blowing!
> 
> ...


I remember those times as well with an old GF (although it's good that we didn't get married for other reasons). She lived out of town, so we only saw each other on weekends, so the tension was unbearable until we got to see each other, then the clothes came off and the games could begin (this is a woman with three kids all grade school age and younger at the time). She wanted me and I wanted her, and we could go at it all the time. 

Sadly, like askari and others, sex is a just a memory now with a spouse that views it as a chore (which is not the was it was early on).


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

The last time that I was confident that I would have sex that night was on my wedding night. Unfortunately it didn't happen (despite having had regular sex up until then). Since then, sex has become occasional and I never know when I'm going to get some - every six weeks or so on average. I can barely remember the luxury of knowing that I would be having sex that night (or week or month, for that matter). The not knowing is what drives me crazy and keeps me thinking about it obsessively  .


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you who have sex every day or almost every day I just want to say - that sounds so great.
> 
> But yeah...for those of us who are or were experiencing serious lack of sex, I thought scheduling it would guarantee that I would get at least SOME. He never agreed to a schedule because he wanted sex to be "spontaneous" and he wouldn't have sex when I initiated so we had sex (together) about once a month, if I was lucky.


I don't have sex daily either, but we normally average 3 to 5 times a week. What's obvious to me is that the more sex you have, the more "scheduled" it will feel. Those of us in a routine and also feel mutual passion for each other are generally happy and excited about knowing when the next time will be. Those who profess to want spontaneous sexual experiences seem to be those who are content to have it less frequently, or maybe use this as a "movable goal post" to deny sex to a partner. That is what it looks like to me.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you who have sex every day or almost every day I just want to say - that sounds so great.
> 
> But yeah...for those of us who are or were experiencing serious lack of sex, I thought scheduling it would guarantee that I would get at least SOME. He never agreed to a schedule because he wanted sex to be "spontaneous" and he wouldn't have sex when I initiated so we had sex (together) about once a month, if I was lucky.


I'm sorry to hear that. I was there before. My husband started denying me sex on our honeymoon! It last for over a year before we got better and have a fairly good sex life. Hope things get better for you. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> I don't have sex daily either, but we normally average 3 to 5 times a week. What's obvious to me is that the more sex you have, the more "scheduled" it will feel. Those of us in a routine and also feel mutual passion for each other are generally happy and excited about knowing when the next time will be. Those who profess to want spontaneous sexual experiences seem to be those who are content to have it less frequently, or maybe use this as a "movable goal post" to deny sex to a partner. That is what it looks like to me.


I disagree. I'm one who doesn't like the idea of a "schedule", but it's not to push away my husband or because I don't want sex(opposite of that, I'm HD). I just don't want to feel like I'm stuck on a schedule to have sex on certain days when other circumstances may come up. For example: Yesterday, I had a long day with our toddler who is teething(molars coming in) and then a bad day at work(work evenings/nights in retail. ugh). When I got home from work at 10:30 at night, I literally fell asleep right when my head hit the cushions on the couch, as I laid down next to my husband who was sitting there watching tv. If that was our scheduled night to have sex, it wouldn't have happened and would have caused problems between my husband and I.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

plan 9 from os said:


> "i know that tonight my spouse and i are going to have sex". If you always knew when you will have sex, in your opinion, would that be comforting, exciting or make you feel like you are in a rut?
> _posted via mobile device_


gift.....horse.....mouth


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you who have sex every day or almost every day I just want to say - that sounds so great.
> 
> But yeah...for those of us who are or were experiencing serious lack of sex, I thought scheduling it would guarantee that I would get at least SOME. *He never agreed to a schedule because he wanted sex to be "spontaneous" and he wouldn't have sex when I initiated so we had sex (together) about once a month, if I was lucky*.


See, this is the thing. For a spouse that just doesn't want to have sex, the "spontaneous" thing is perfect cover for them. Scheduling means they'll be on the hook to have sex--this is the last thing they want. So instead they insist that sex remain spontaneous, which gives them ample cover to continue rejecting.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you who have sex every day or almost every day I just want to say - that sounds so great.
> 
> But yeah...for those of us who are or were experiencing serious lack of sex, I thought scheduling it would guarantee that I would get at least SOME. He never agreed to a schedule because he wanted sex to be "spontaneous" and he wouldn't have sex when I initiated so we had sex (together) about once a month, if I was lucky.


I'm sorry you're going through this but I am glad that you shared it. I'm sure it's not any solace to you but at the very least it gave me food for thought. That must be difficult to go through. Makes me feel bad for the jokes I made earlier. 



Fozzy said:


> See, this is the thing. For a spouse that just doesn't want to have sex, the "spontaneous" thing is perfect cover for them. Scheduling means they'll be on the hook to have sex--this is the last thing they want. So instead they insist that sex remain spontaneous, which gives them ample cover to continue rejecting.


Again, another perspective I never thought of. I think it's a betrayal of sorts. Not necessarily to be an LD individual. Supposing there's no explanation for a low drive like health issues or past traumas... maybe they're wired differently? 

What I do take issue with people that try to hide it or lie about it to their spouse, or get passive aggressive about it and accuse the one with the higher drive as having a sex problem. Now after reading here, disguise it as something "fun" like being spontaneous (at least, I equate spontaneity to adventure and fun) to their spouses. I think that's very cruel. It's crazy-making to do that. Giving hope and removing the targets... it's not cool. I'm sorry for anyone who goes through that with their spouse... don't think I could imagine the pain that would cause and hope I don't ever have to since sex...well, and affection but mostly sexual affection is one of my most important EN's. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> I don't have sex daily either, but we normally average 3 to 5 times a week. What's obvious to me is that the more sex you have, the more "scheduled" it will feel. Those of us in a routine and also feel mutual passion for each other are generally happy and excited about knowing when the next time will be. *Those who profess to want spontaneous sexual experiences seem to be those who are content to have it less frequently, or maybe use this as a "movable goal post" to deny sex to a partner. That is what it looks like to me.*


I agreed with most of this post right away; however when I first read the bolded, my initial reaction was to get defensive because it doesn't apply to me. I wanted to defend that I like sex to be frequent but also spontaneous. To me those things can and often do correlate quite nicely. But after re-reading and considering some posts in this thread, I can see there is truth in the bolded quote for some sadly. Good post...heck, good thread. :smthumbup: It's given me a lot of food for thought about other people's experiences.



murphy5 said:


> gift.....horse.....mouth


After reading this thread, I'd have to agree. Don't kick a gift horse indeed.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Scheduled sex dosen't bother me a bit. Im a truck driver and usually not home Monday and Wednesday nights. So we normally have sex Sunday and Tuesday nights. I like it. Kinda like neither one of us has to initiate it. Takes some of the pressure off us. I usually still do things like text flirting to ramp up the excitement though. 

I had a great idea tonite and sent her an invitation on Facebook to and event, "The ravaging of my sexy wife" is what I called it, and I described in detail how I wanted to make love to her. She responded right away saying she will be there EARLY. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

during the day i DO schedule sex if wife is home. She has these prearranged conference calls, and i can not just grab her for sex anytime i want, because some big shot might want her on the phone 10 minutes later. So, oddly, i ask her when she has no conference calls, THEN come up to bug her. And yes, it IS a little bizare, but one does what one must for love!


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> "I know that tonight my spouse and I are going to have sex". If you always knew when you will have sex, in your opinion, would that be comforting, exciting or make you feel like you are in a rut?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's comforting to know I won't be rejected. Exciting to know I get to make love to my wife. Despite it being scheduled I still put in the work to entice and seduce her. For me it's a challenge to make it happen earlier as maybe a quickie before dinner or sex on our trampoline or something wierd. scheduling the sex is only a small part of it. The timeframe is all that's determeined, everything else is still up in the air. Having it scheded also seems to ramp up the excitement more for both of us as we are looking forward to it more. When we have sex on days that were not scheduled it tends to start more slowly and with a little less passion for some reason. Almost like it happened accidently and neither of us saw it comming. For some reason our scheduled sex is better, like we are both working harder to ensure it goes well. 

If you don't ljke scheduled sex that's Ok. But I'm probably having more sex than you 😳
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm not sure how I look at this.. for me & mine.. we both KNOW we enjoy working it up....that's the "highlight" of our day....

But I do get an "extra thrill" when , lets say we did it 3am , and he is ready to go again 5 hrs later...because it's NOT expected...and I think ...."Yeah Baby, you're like a young man again!"...









We had our romp last night...not expecting this morning.. but I felt him up against me...we had 30 minutes before the alarm goes off... told him to lay back & I gave him a BJ... so we have our times of spontaneity too.. 

I guess we both have the expectation and some "surprises" thrown in there too... it's ALL GOOD....


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm not sure how I look at this.. for me & mine.. we both KNOW we enjoy working it up....that's the "highlight" of our day....
> 
> But I do get an "extra thrill" when , lets say we did it 3am , and he is ready to go again 5 hrs later...because it's NOT expected...and I think ...."Yeah Baby, you're like a young man again!"...
> 
> ...


Awesome! To clarify the OP, I don't mean for this to be an either/or proposition. In a perfect world, we would both have a regular predictable pattern with surprises thrown in. Usually, it seems that people are almost always scheduling it or it has to be all spontaneous - or maybe more accurately couples tend to heavily favor one approach vs the other - maybe 90/10 split possibly?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Awesome! To clarify the OP, I don't mean for this to be an either/or proposition. In a perfect world, we would both have a regular predictable pattern with surprises thrown in. Usually, it seems that people are almost always scheduling it or it has to be all spontaneous - or maybe more accurately couples tend to heavily favor one approach vs the other - maybe 90/10 split possibly?


If my husband didn't appreciate the working it up 5 yrs ago.. I would have gotten really "bent out of shape"....

When I was high high drive (this has calmed).... I would literally get SO ANTSY if he didn't mention it or flirt some with me...If I started wondering if we'd DO IT that night (as I was dying looking forward to it - so one tract minded -it was bad)... 

Then I'd start to OVER THINK IT...feeling what if he doesn't want me coming on to him? / what if I am pressuring him? / What if he is "just going along with me?".... I didn't like those thoughts...they disturbed me.. what FUN is that [email protected]#$...I want him to WANT ME , darn it !

So during that phase...it was much better for ME to know I had something to look forward to..at the very least the freedom to come on to him and his INVITING IT ...he was pretty clear about how he sees this.. how could I ask for more... his words were ..."If I can get it up.. I want to use it !....

But if he was turned off by this every day "wanting to work it up" ....feeling we needed to ditch that, we're lacking spontaneity.. this would have worked against us... and caused ME a lot of grief.. So I much appreciated his attitude during that insatiable phase of mine.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I think there can be a balance between spontaneity and scheduling.
Maybe it doesn't have to be either/or.

My wife is higher drive than me, although we are both busy people and our with our schedules would be hard to have daily sex.

So, first, I make sure I never deny her outright, even if she's annoyed me. Second, although it sounds weird, I try to make sure we have so many times a week (about 3+). So, no actual schedule per day, but it's more like a weekly quota. I actually keep track (that's the weird part?).

I think she would like a bit more, but it's a compromise that seems to be working well so far.


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## ellaenchanted (Sep 7, 2014)

Exciting!! 😄😄


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm not sure how I look at this.. for me & mine.. we both KNOW we enjoy working it up....that's the "highlight" of our day....
> 
> But I do get an "extra thrill" when , lets say we did it 3am , and he is ready to go again 5 hrs later...because it's NOT expected...and I think ...."Yeah Baby, you're like a young man again!"...
> 
> ...


You mean you had 30 minutes before you were supposed to wake up, so you gave your husband a BJ? This after having sex the night before? You realize you violated my wife's first rule - sleep is more important than sex. Secondly, you must be some sort of freak, having sex then a BJ.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> You mean you had 30 minutes before you were supposed to wake up, so you gave your husband a BJ? This after having sex the night before? You realize you violated my wife's first rule - sleep is more important than sex. *Secondly, you must be some sort of freak, having sex then a BJ*.


Reject the lies.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> I disagree. I'm one who doesn't like the idea of a "schedule", but it's not to push away my husband or because I don't want sex(opposite of that, I'm HD). I just don't want to feel like I'm stuck on a schedule to have sex on certain days when other circumstances may come up. For example: Yesterday, I had a long day with our toddler who is teething(molars coming in) and then a bad day at work(work evenings/nights in retail. ugh). When I got home from work at 10:30 at night, I literally fell asleep right when my head hit the cushions on the couch, as I laid down next to my husband who was sitting there watching tv. If that was our scheduled night to have sex, it wouldn't have happened and would have caused problems between my husband and I.


No disrespect but I think this example really just amplifies the point he was trying to make. Your husband just has to hope your next day isn't bad or your toddler's teething stops (which it won't), or he can cross his fingers and hope the retail business gives you a good day (I've personally never had a good day when I worked retail). 

As level headed as you seem, I'd assume if you and your husband enjoyed spending intimate time together, you would have came home knowing your day isn't quite over until you guys have connected. The same as you didn't fall asleep as soon as you sat in your car. Because those long hard days don't get easier, but laying your head on the couch and ignoring intimacy with your spouse absolutely does. Ask 95% of the people posting in this forum.

Like I said, although your example isn't bad or something you should be ashamed of, for me, it amplifies the point you were rebutting. 

But this response is coming from a forum member that absolutely believes a couple should be intimate daily and reconnect on a physical and mental level. This for me keeps two people connected, working as a unit, and happy (if the relationship is good).


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> "I know that tonight my spouse and I are going to have sex". If you always knew when you will have sex, in your opinion, would that be comforting, exciting or make you feel like you are in a rut?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife and I play a game. It involves three articles of sleepwear. If my W comes to bed with a granny looking flannel nightgown prepare to watch TV in bed with her for the evening. If she comes to bed with a silky nightgown that has straps there is a 50/50 chance that the good time will roll. Now, if she comes to be with a dirty negligee then I'm 100% assured a good time is going to be had. Helps keep that rut out. We do not schedule anything.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> My wife and I play a game. It involves three articles of sleepwear. If my W comes to bed with a granny looking flannel nightgown prepare to watch TV in bed with her for the evening. If she comes to bed with a silky nightgown that has straps there is a 50/50 chance that the good time will roll. Now, if she comes to be with a dirty negligee then I'm 100% assured a good time is going to be had. Helps keep that rut out. We do not schedule anything.



It sounds like you're just on her schedule.

What if you come to bed with a dirty negligee?


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

That was a joke but I am beginning to believe "spontaneous" falls under the category of, it's spontaneous for the person who waits for the other half to fit them into their schedule. It's not so spontaneous for the person that picks which outfit she is wearing to bed. She wakes up and says to herself, "tonight I am going to wear a sexy outfit to bed." That's very much planned sex for her. .

But, if that works and both are totally happy, I see no problem with that. I just don't put my intimacy and needs off to the side for someone to fit me in when they feel like it. Doesn't seem right to me.


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## SierraRenee (Sep 8, 2014)

I'm not sure if this is scheduled. I ask my H to come to bed by 9:30 if he would like to have fun. I would rather get things started early. If I'm really in the mood and he hasn't come to bed yet I'll go into the living room and tell him it's time.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> I'm sorry you're going through this but I am glad that you shared it. I'm sure it's not any solace to you but at the very least it gave me food for thought. That must be difficult to go through. Makes me feel bad for the jokes I made earlier.


Not to worry. We're not married anymore. But having experienced that, it makes me want to have some clear discussions with the next fella.


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## sweetnothings4 (Sep 25, 2014)

If you know when your going to have sex your not going to be worried all week about when your gonna get some.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

sweetnothings4 said:


> If you know when your going to have sex your not going to be worried all week about when your gonna get some.


Worried all week? What about worried all month or worried all year?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Scheduled Sex? No thanks.

Knowing that the possibility of sex exists almost every day? HELL YES.

The former I find restrictive, the latter is how we live.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Scheduled Sex? No thanks.
> 
> Knowing that the possibility of sex exists almost every day? HELL YES.
> 
> The former I find restrictive, the latter is how we live.


Ah yes that is it. I was wondering how our daily sex could feel spontaneous even though we know it is most likely going to happen. Mystery solved because like you guys it is merely a "possibility". We don't make arrangements, agreements etc, it is just always there as a "possibility". Just so happens that we end up doing it anyway and that is why it still feels spontaneous even though it is a given.


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## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> What I do take issue with people that try to hide it or lie about it to their spouse, or get passive aggressive about it and accuse the one with the higher drive as having a sex problem. Now after reading here, disguise it as something "fun" like being spontaneous (at least, I equate spontaneity to adventure and fun) to their spouses. I think that's very cruel. It's crazy-making to do that. *Giving hope and removing the targets...* it's not cool. I'm sorry for anyone who goes through that with their spouse...


For some reason, I just recently started wondering whether this was a hidden meaning within the old "Peanuts" cartoon where the girl always removes the football before Charlie can kick it, and he painfully falls flat on his back.

Not something I'd have thought of watching the cartoon as a kid, but now from the perspective of an adult...?

Then too, after some other recent cartoon watching, it occurred to me that Alexander might have had a lot more luck attracting Alan, than did Alexandra...Alan and Josie just didn't seem all that affectionate....


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