# KABOOM! 180 Blew Up in My Face



## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Why am I so out of control? I thought I was doing great....love the new me...feeling good. He wants to meet to talk, so I agree to. The divorce is just final, but he tells me now that he's never really stopped loving me, he's ditched the OW, and could we try to fix things? Then we end up kissing....and..... 

Now I'm all confused. I feel like I lost the control I had, and I don't know what to do now. He and I had agreed that slow building was a good approach, but then 5 minutes later he suggests sex, and I feel like a teenager with crazy hormones.....UGH. 

So what now? Any advice would be appreciated.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

KABLOOEY! 

Well, as far as the sex, I guess it happens. It's not a good thing, but it's not something to beat yourself up about either. He's the person that you're most comfortable with right now and sometimes we cling to an ex after such a trauma. Too bad they are the ones that caused it.

As far as his desire to get back together now that OW is supposedly out of the picture, I think the best advice is to tread very carefully and very cautiously. I wouldn't trust him to say the sky is blue right now. Everyone will tell you that actions are the key; words mean nothing. If you have an IC, I would say to get a lot of suggestions from him/her. If not, maybe it's time to find one. If you're really considering getting back together, think of what you would need in order to do that and set the boundary. Do you need MC? If so, don't take any less than what you demand. 

I'm not in this position so I can't say anything from personal experience. This is just the advice that I've seen from this and other forums. 

I know this is exciting because you've probably hoped for this moment for a long time, especially since it's obvious that infidelity entered into the marriage. However, please do your best to protect your heart. Don't give him the power to take it in his hands and smash it against the wall again. 

Slow and cautious ...


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Personally, if I went through all of the trauma that a divorce brings and then my ex says he wants to give things another shot I wouldn't do it.

Don't beat yourself up for the sex, it happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

I see trouble on the horizon. Yeah you got together, yeah you kissed and made up ... but did you discuss the situation that got you into the divorce situation and come to an agreement on how they were going to be resolved?

Yeah, you're gonna resolve them S L O W L Y .... How?

Did he really ditch the OW or did that also blow up in his face? That was his rebound which seldom works and now that she's gone, you're welcoming him back with open arms?

Boy he didn't have to work hard ... did he?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's okay.
You scored.
Just act like it didn't happen.
That's even more powerful 180 coming from a woman.
Don't talk to him about it, at all.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Thanks for the advice. I already made up my mind not to talk to him about it at all. Also to get back to s l o w and not put myself in a situation again where it could happen. I thought I wouldn't want him touching me at all because when I thought about it after the other woman, I was less than turned on. 

As to exciting.....eh....I don't know. I don't know if we can fix things to be honest. Well, it happened and I can't go back and change it. Sigh.


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

WomanScorned,

Just be very cautious. Why now after going through a divorce does he have an epiphany when he could have worked to stop it from even getting to that point. Why now is does he have interest since the OW is out of the picture. That is not fair to you at all. You are right you cannot go back but just be very cautious as you proceed forward.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Womanscorned, it's love and it makes us do foolish things....just make sure you don't become the one saying "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on ME ;o( He was your husband and you probably don't have a good replacement yet. I would be more scared of the emotional battle should something else come up...like the other woman coming back or a new one now that he is single and free to mingle. Do what is best for YOU!


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## JupitersLament (May 30, 2011)

To be honest it sounds like OW and him broke up and now he's either just after sex, or trying to get back with you.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

If you really want to see if there is a possibility of the two of you getting back together. Start with some lunch and dinner dates, a stroll in the park or a beach, but no overnight stuff.

Bringing you home and or inviting him inside your home is a NO, NO for now. Turn down ANY intimacy suggestions and see how he conducts himself. This is the only way you'll find out if he's just looking for a temporary bed partner or if he's serious about working things out. See if he's a WOLF in a SHEEP'S clothing.

Give it a FEW months and if HE really wants to get back with you and make a go of it, he will continue to (and for lack of a better phrase) be a good FRIEND.

He won't like the word "Friend" but that's what he needs to be for now. He needs to show you that he really does care about you and he's willing to WAIT until you're darn sure that there has been some positive changes and that a reconciliation may work out.

Just make sure that you're NOT being used as that temporary solution while he seeks another relationship. Trust me, you don't want to play that game because the bottom line is: YOU LOSE! * BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!*


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I think he needs to be a friend now, yes. And inviting him to the house was a bad idea, as someone else suggested. Duh.....

Yes, I will turn down any further suggestions for intimacy. Now is NOT the time. I feel bad about it today, but I can't beat myself up over it. Sigh.

He is saying that he realized what a mistake he made with the OW, and he did talk about where he went wrong and why. A lack of communication between us started it. We'd drifted. 

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I want him back in that way. I don't know if he wants to be back that way. The divorce was final today. I feel awful, and I'm not sure why.


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