# PE Issue



## fightforbettersex (Apr 25, 2018)

Hello All,

I am married to my gf of 5 years and we have been sexually involved over the entire duration. However, I tend to ejaculate too soon at times. There are days when I ejaculate the moment I penetrate her and then there are days where I can last for a good 20-30 mins. 2nd times are usually better but i would rather get going the first time as I know sometimes it gets frustrating when you are in the mood. Wife says its ok and doesnt matter because 60-70% of the times we have good sex. She doesnt think I have PE but I'm not too sure. 

Also I have tried using long lasting condoms and they help a lot. However, is there any possible way I can stop relying on those. Moreover there were times when I could last longer with a normal condom as well but not too often though. Moreover given we are both working and busy with our professional lives, there comes a time when we have sex after like 2-3 weeks. The first 2 days in this case are the worst because my penis becomes sensitive to a vagina after so many days. However, after like 2-3 days it becomes better but I still have that fear.

Yes I did have bad masturbation habits where I used to cum too soon (fear of getting caught). Just want to make things special for my wife. Help please.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Try a "Flesh Light STU". Let your partner know you masturbate ....it isn't a bad thing. Use the STU to get the first round done yourself. 
Be aware that your orgasm is not the definition of bad or good sex. It is however the definition if you make it so in your mind.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

fightforbettersex said:


> Wife says its ok and doesnt matter because 60-70% of the times we have good sex. She doesnt think I have PE but I'm not too sure.
> 
> Just want to make things special for my wife.


I think you're assuming that somehow, you're an "outlier", when reality is that you average into the center of the bell curve. Immediate upon penetration is faster than average, and 20-30 minutes is much longer than average. The average time is 5-7 minutes.

I think that your wife is telling you the exact truth. I don't think you have PE, either. And, her statement of 60-70 % is probably well centered on the bell curve for most married people, too.
Not every encounter is going to turn into mind-blowing, screaming ecstasy.... for either of you....

Porn has done this to us. Porn stars are "Walker, Texas Ranger" who takes on 3-5 men and wins 



fightforbettersex said:


> Yes I did have bad masturbation habits where I used to cum too soon (fear of getting caught).


Actually, masturbation could be your "friend"... if you masturbate to climax an hour or two before having sex, you will likely move your average time of completion with your wife to about 3-5 times longer than it would have been if you had not masturbated.

And using masturbation for "practice" is a good way to lengthen your experience, you can find your "point of no return" and become adept at slowing down and getting less stimulation as you approach it.

How would your wife feel about having a second encounter, if the first went quickly? She might find this moving her 60-70% up to 80-90%....


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

There is a book, *written by a doctor*, on a way to overcome this. After you read this book you will find that many online 'guides' are just copying his theories

Its a quick read (no pun intended) 
Lasting Longer:The Treatment Program for Premature Ejaculation by Dr. Sy Silverberg M.D.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Are there any ways you both could try to intentionally set up sexual sessions every day of the week or every other day? Sometimes having too much time in between sex (not just penetrative but in general) can leave a sensitivity factor that brings you to orgasm quicker than you might want. I also second the mention of masturbating prior to having sex so that you'll already be starting on the "second go."

How often are you also having outercourse? Do you have similar response times when doing things other than PIV? Variety could also be your friend in this case since it might help you learn to control your orgasms through different forms of stimulation.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

The "second go" might not work if you are not HD. It might just reduce your sex life with your wife if you find that once is enough for you.

How long does it normally take you to be interested in your wife again after you had a first go?

If once a day is enough for you, taking care of business in order to last longer the second time might actually be putting a nail in your sex life coffin.

Your wife would rather have the sex she is used to with you than not have it at all, if you are a once a day guy and begin to have fun with yourself. You could end up starving her to the point that her own drive dwindles.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Outercourse is a good tool. Your wife gets direct clitoral stimulation while you are being stimulated less. It's a win-win.


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## Johann Sebastian (Mar 20, 2018)

1. No porn. Think of your wife as a real person, not a sex doll.
2. Start a regular meditation practice, especially "body scan" meditation.
3. Learn how to do the male version of Kegels and especially "reverse" Kegels.
4. During stimulation, visualize the flow of energy going back into the body, through the prostate, up the spinal column, and into your forehead. 
5. Relax the PC muscle. And dude, relax your abs. You can put off the PONR almost indefinitely just by relaxing your abs.
6. Emotionally, center yourself on feelings of love instead of lust.
7. Enjoy. Don't get worked up if you blow your load, there is always next time.


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