# Is it possible?



## Always_Ready

My husband and I have been through a lot together, good and bad. I really don't know how to let go of all the bad. I want to. I want to be a family. I want to make things work, and I know he does as well. Only problem, he isn't willing to put in the work. He is the master of "rug sweeping"...and I am famous for allowing it. 

Is it possible to let go of the bad, and hold on to the good? I'm afraid that this is just another period where everything is good, and it will eventually go back to how it was. I don't trust him.


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## cobra

Well they say times a healer but it depends on what your mentally able to forgive/forget.
You will find it hard if you dont trust him, you will never be able to relax. i couldnt do it personally-if my husband cheated for example i wouldnt want to move on.
Find out why he did what he did to to make you not trust him, maybe this will help you understand more???

marriage counselling is a must in my opinion if you really want to try x

good luck


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## cdbaker

For starters, EVERYONE says "I would never put up with a cheater. If he/she cheats, I'm gone" until it happens to you. Then things have a tendency to change for a lot of folks.

There are a lot of good books out there for forgiveness. For me, I know that I have to occasionally let go of the past, or accept that there is no future. If I can't forgive, then the relationship is doomed, simple as that. That distrust, that anger, the constant worrying, etc. will permeate every crevice of the relationship over time and will cast a dark shadow over everything in it, making the good times a little less good, and the bad times a little worse, until the relationship crumbles. 

So for me it is an exercise of sorts. I'll pray on it, talk to my wife about it, see to it that she has done everything she can as far as seeking forgiveness/making amends/taking steps towards change, etc. and then I make the decision to forgive and move on. Certainly doubt might creep back into mind from time to time, but I force it out quickly and don't allow it to impact my decision making.


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## Always_Ready

He hasn't cheated on me. But there have been many lies. Minor physical abuse (pushing), and neglect.


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## noas55

You want to get past the bad? You must first forgive. You only forgive if you never will bring the issues from the past back up in an attacking form. 
Forgive your spouse for what he has done. Explain you forgive but that does not mean you allow further transgressions like it. This will give you peace of mind and heart.
Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Sometimes your actions may have triggered the spouse's deceit. 
Good luck and praying for you.


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## Willowfin

When you said 'I know he wants to' (make it work) - has he actually said those words? Are his actions showing you this? If he does - then let him arrange the marriage counselling and take it from there. Counselling is the only way forward. Best of luck to you


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## Pepper123

I agree with Noas... I was married for 11 years, 8 of which were abusive. We never did counseling together... Just rugswept everything. I shut down, lost my ability to trust, and it all eventually died. If you want it to be possible, it starts with forgiveness.


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## This is me

The thing about forgiveness is that it takes the burden off the one doing the forgiving as much as the perpetrator.

A good pro-marriage counselor is worth the time and money for those who want to work towards a respectful marriage.


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