# Am I wrong in this situation?



## Confused99 (Jul 29, 2010)

My husband told me that if I don't delete my ex from Facebook he's going to divorce me. I said no because I felt like he was being controlling and if that is something he wants he can tell me how he feels but he can't make me do anything through threats/ultimatums. This is also the 2nd time that he has done something like this (told me i HAD to do something or he'll file divorce papers) and the first time I responded so I dont want him to think he can do it over and over . I also think any argument over Facebook is absurd and not worth the time of day. Regardless, he went and got divorce papers and asked me if I changed my mind about deleting him and I said no. Now he's not talking to me and I guess he's going to go through with it idk...is it wrong that I won't delete my ex? I don;t even really talk to him especially on Facebook he's just there. I dont even really care if hes my friend on there or not I just didn't want to encourage my husband to keep acting this way. Thoughts?


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Seems like there is more to this story than you wrote.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Quick question: what's more important the ex or H?

Get rid of the less important one.

Btw, he isn't being controlling. He is setting a boundary, and not having ex lovers in your marriage is a very good boundary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

I wouldnt put up with my wife having her ex as a facebook friend. 

And yes its a deal killer. 

Respectful boundaries are required for a healthy relationship. 

Although you mentioned he has done something like this before, from your stubborn reaction to his reasonable request, Id imagine you were equally wrong last time also

If you cant respect or understand your husbands concern about keeping others away that are toxic to the marriage then you really dont have any business being married.

I wouldnt want my wifes ex knowing what we are doing with our lives or having pictures of our child, my wife. If she wanted him in her life, she should have stayed with him.

facebook is for sharing. I dont want my wife sharing anything with her ex


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

This could be a display of controlling behaviour, and by deleting your ex, you will reinforce this type of behaviour in the future.

Conversley, this could be insecurity on your husbands side, and since you admit you wont actually lose anything by deleting him, this may be the option for you.

Personally I dont see the problem with having ex's on facebook.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Ex's have no place in your life when you are married. Whether or not there is more to the story, he is right to ask you to remove your ex from FB. Divorce over it? That is a bit over the top absent any other factors.

But in the wake of red flags that my wife was in an affair, she friended an exBF. I strongly told her he was a threat to our marriage. I did not make the threat, but it was a divorce level issue for me due to the other factors.

Choose between your husband and your ex.


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## MR DK (Dec 22, 2011)

I am a strong beliver in making a 100% commitment to who you take your vows with. It seems that you wanting to include your ex in your life for no other reason than to make a statement is wrong imho. Make the commitment to your husband. Ask him if he has any ex girlfirends or somehting of that nature on his facebok account. If he is open with you then you should honor his request.


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Your married theres no need for you to have your x in your life whether you talk to him or not. How would you feel if roles were reversed and your H had an x on fb and he said no to deleting her it would hurt you. Delete your x and talk to your H that he doesnt need to threaten with divorce if you dont do something marriage is about compromising, meeting half way but in my opinion exs are a big no no.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Wow, you think having a discussion about Facebook is not worth the time of day? That is essentially saying that your husband's feelings don't matter. If he's uncomfortable with your x on facebook, why would you continue to do something that makes him uncomfortable? What if he was chatting up young hotties on FB and you asked him to stop it and he said no?

Your lack of respect for your husband's feelings is the most concerning part of your post. Your husband isn't controlling you, he's showing you what he will and will not tolerate in the marriage.


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## stepharonie (Dec 22, 2011)

Delete the ex and save your marriage.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

stepharonie said:


> Delete the ex and save your marriage.


I would delete ex but also look at counseling to help both with communication. No one likes to be 'commanded' to do something. That said, is that the hill you want your marriage to go down on? On someone that doesn't matter to you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your marriage will thrive if you do what is important to your husband and he does what is important to you. You see this as an ultimatum, I see it as he is giving you free choice. It's really astounding that you would take divorce over keeping your ex on facebook. That makes no sense to me whatsoever.


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## 20PlusYears (May 22, 2011)

Hi Confused99,

My wife an I had this exact same conversation a week ago. I found out that she had friended an ex that she knew that I would have a problem with. She even lied when I asked her if she had any ex's on her Facebook page. Needles to say I told her that I would be filing for divorce! This is a boundary that I will not capitulate to her.

She, as you are saying, thought that it was over the top. But what other options do we have. The first thing out of her mouth was the same thing that you said. "I'm trying to control her!" This is not about control, it's about respecting your spouses feelings. Fortunately, we were able to resolve this without divorce. But if my wife responded in the fashion that you have, I would not waste anytime moving forward with the divorce.

Essentially, you are telling your husband, that this ex is more important to you than your marriage. You are willing to throw away your marriage for someone that you say means nothing to you. I think you need to reevaulate your line of thinking here.

I wish you good luck!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

go back with your ex.

if your so interested in him why did you divorce?

me,me.me your opinion don't count.

marriage is a team sport your supost to care what important to each other. is your ex really important to you. more important than your feaking husband.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your husband threatening you with divorce as an ultimatum is stupid.

But so is your keeping your EX on your Facebook after you know it causes your husband pain. 

Communicate.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

20PlusYears said:


> Essentially, you are telling your husband, that this ex is more important to you than your marriage.


This.


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