# No way out of this one...



## don_draper (Aug 18, 2015)

I have 2 beautiful daughters (9 and 6) with my wife (Betty). We've been separated for over 2 years, but we're still not divorced yet. I've been seeing someone else the entire time, but we just broke up. We also have a 1 year old daughter. She, Megan, is the woman I love and want to grow old with but she doesn't trust me and probably never will. I can't blame her. Our relationship is based entirely on lies. Be forewarned, I'm going to describe some pretty horrible sh!t that I have done... 

I met Megan online about 2.5 years ago. At the time, I was 41 and she was 26. I lied to her and told her I was single, 31, and no kids. I'm a terrific liar. I'm paid to do it for a living and I'm very good at it. I'm also very calculating. I rented an apartment and furnished it. I waited for my wife and kids to leave the country for a month, and I proceeded to lineup about 15-20 dates while they were gone. Basically, I had decided I was miserable in my marriage but didn't want to hurt my kids by leaving my wife unless the grass actually was greener on the other side. My foray into online dating was to audition replacements. Megan was the winner. She is young, beautiful, and intelligent, but has low self esteem because she was raised by a single mom who was a horrible human being. We dated about a month before I started revealing the truth. Of course, I withheld lots of details and only fessed up when I had to. She immediately broke it off with me, but would always come back, until I confessed about the next lie. She'd tell me I was a POS and that she never wanted to see me again but a week later would text me stating how angry she was - and that inevitably would end up with makeup sex. In retrospect, I'm amazed that someone with so much going for her, would settle for a POS like me. I honestly didn't see the relationship lasting so I confessed to my wife, told her I'd stop seeing Megan, and agreed to go to counseling to work on our marriage. I never stopped seeing Megan, and basically duped the counselor and Betty for a year. The bomb dropped when Megan got pregnant - to this day I think she did it intentionally to force my hand. All this time, I can't bring myself to file for divorce because I don't want to hurt my kids. If we didn't have kids, I would have left Betty for Megan in a second. No hesitation. The problem I have, is that I've created such a poster perfect childhood for my two daughters, I just can't bring myself to ruin it. They live in a huge brand new house, in a very affluent neighborhood with terrific schools, with a nanny, and mommy doesn't have to work. It all goes away if we divorce. I used to work 80-100 hours/week because I had a sexless marriage and preferred being at the office than home. I've basically stopped making money to find the time to keep up the double life. I'm also horrible unproductive when I live with Megan - too much sex and laying in bed watching TV... I've literally burned through $500K including my retirement account to keep paying for everything. My girls idolize me, which is now something I feel horrible about now because Betty has become very bitter and they have no idea why she is so mean to Daddy. I hate that they always side with me but I can't say anything. I told Betty about the baby and I thought for sure she would divorce me. Instead, she wants me to payoff Megan to disappear from our lives and for all the girls to never meet.

So here I am now, another year later, and Megan has finally left me because I still haven't filed for divorce. I'm the one who ruined her probably for life, but I'm scared to commit to her because she's so damn unstable. Last month she got arrested for domestic violence because vandalized my car, trashed our apartment, and kicked and punched me in a fit of rage. Now she's running scared because CPS is threatening to take our daughter away from her - which would be a pity because she's a very good mom when I'm not around. I make her miserable and crazy because she hates me but loves me and can't live without me. Since I told Betty about the baby, I've come clean with Megan and have been 100% honest with her. It sucks to now be constantly telling the truth but to never be believed. She's convinced every time I go away on a business trip or work late, that I'm cheating on her.

At this point, I think I'm going to proceed with filing for the divorce. If Megan and I don't reconcile, I'll cohabitate with my wife until the girls are both in college then announce the divorce to the girls. I'm very good at keeping up facades. If somehow Megan and I are able to reconcile, at least the divorce will be out of the way. But I still have no idea how to deal with this demand by Betty that the kids never meet. I did some horrible things to get us all in the situation, but I've come clean and am trying to do the right thing the past year. The problem is both women are now acting horribly irrational and are making it impossible for me to move forward.

I chose my screen name because I just finished Mad Men. Megan had seen it before but asked me to watch it with her. It didn't take long for me to figure out why. I'm so much like Don Draper it's scary. We think and behave exactly alike. Megan's last text to me before she went silent and blocked me on Facebook was a reference to the show. "He (Don) ends up miserable in the end. Everybody moves on without him and he ends up all alone..."


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

These women are not behaving irrationally.

Get a divorce and move into an apartment by yourself. Your wife can't seem to make this decision on her own, so make it for her. She'll thank you in the end.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

My God, you sh*t. What a gigantic mess you have made of everyone's life. 

Divorce your wife and tell your daughters the truth. Or they will find out and hate you even more. I really don't know why your wife wants you, I think you just offer financial security and the lie of the perfect family.

You have messed Megan's life so bad, she does not know what she is doing. She is not irrational, you did this to her with your lies and deception. Either you let her go or get the fastest divorce and work on making things better. She is going to need lots of IC. 

Who would trust you, when you lie and cheat. Man get your head straighten up, get some help. The big house and perfect family facade is nothing, when its rotting from the inside out. This whole thing just stinks.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Wow. Ok, I'll just go ahead and tell you that the source of all your problems is....you. You won't believe that, of course, because Cluster B personalities pretty much never think they're anything but the victim of other people's malice/incompetence/drama/whatever. I would suggest you see a highly qualified therapist, but I know you won't.

So. File for divorce. Stop playing dark-triad-merry-go-round with Betty, Megan and all your children. Make your divorce and settlements with both women as amicable and painless and fair as possible. Pay your child support. Live on your own. Minimize your continued impact on other people. 

You won't do any of that, of course, but it's the only advice I can give.


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## mbcguy (Jul 15, 2015)

Our kids learn how relationships are supposed to be by watching and learning from their parents. What are you teaching your kids, all your kids right now? What do you think the kids will think when they find out and learn what you have done? Mom & Dad’s relationship was this way so, this must be how a relationship is supposed to be. We pass our damage on to the next generation. What is there relationships going to be like when they are old enough? Does it really make sense to stay in the relationships because of the kids?


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## RayJakeman (Jun 23, 2015)

You are nothing but a life wrecker---you know it and don't need advice as you would not take it anyway. When you are old and gray and everyone wants nothing to do with you, you will feel some of the pain you have inflicted on others. Life is funny that way.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> The problem is both women are now acting horribly irrational and are making it impossible for me to move forward.


These women are certainly culpable in their own demise but if you were any kind of actual man, you'd have the decency to move on from both of these women.

Why do you need to ask for advice on what to do...you already know what the right thing to do is. Are you asking for permission to continue to be a douche? Its unlikely to happen.

Divorce your wife (shame on her for being financially dependent on someone like you, she's in for a rude awakening), stop taking advantage of damaged young women to pump up your pathetic ego, and learn to be a decent father...which involves fessing up to your children about who daddy actually is and showing them that you can try to be a better man.

Men like you always make me laugh. You "auditioned" replacements for your wife and what did you pick? A damaged, underage, emotional-wreck who you had to lie to to even attract.

Its funny that deep inside you surely feel so worthless that the only type of woman that you can get is one who's too young to know any better and is messed-up enough to believe your lies.

The only good thing about your life is that I can imagine it must keep you thin because every time you look in the mirror, I bet that you have the urge to vomit.

What are you looking for here? Are you trying to brag about what you look like and what you've done to these women?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I wouldn't spend too much time under the bridge w/ this one, folks.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

RayJakeman said:


> You are nothing but a life wrecker---you know it and don't need advice as you would not take it anyway. When you are old and gray and everyone wants nothing to do with you, you will feel some of the pain you have inflicted on others. Life is funny that way.


The two women are not irrational . You are mad and undeserving of any women n your daughters .


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## don_draper (Aug 18, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> Divorce your wife and tell your daughters the truth. Or they will find out and hate you even more. I really don't know why your wife wants you, I think you just offer financial security and the lie of the perfect family.


I came clean over a year ago - meaning I told my wife, parents and siblings everything. Betty is the one that doesn't want a divorce, insists on the children never meeting, and me not telling the kids the truth. I want to tell the kids everything and for all to meet but she says she needs time to process and accept the situation. It's been a year now. She's threatened to take the kids to her home country (she's not a US citizen) and there's pretty much nothing I can do about that unless I just call her bluff.



brooklynAnn said:


> You have messed Megan's life so bad, she does not know what she is doing. She is not irrational, you did this to her with your lies and deception. Either you let her go or get the fastest divorce and work on making things better. She is going to need lots of IC.


I take full responsibility for my actions and completely accept that created this situation by acting like a complete sh!t. That said, she is the one that routinely smashes walls and dishes, got herself arrested, and flipped her car over and woke up in a hospital after driving off in a hysterical rage at 3AM. She needs help but refuses to accept responsibility for her actions. She blames me for her getting arrested and me not bailing her out...


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## don_draper (Aug 18, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Wow. Ok, I'll just go ahead and tell you that the source of all your problems is....you. You won't believe that, of course, because Cluster B personalities pretty much never think they're anything but the victim of other people's malice/incompetence/drama/whatever. I would suggest you see a highly qualified therapist, but I know you won't.
> 
> So. File for divorce. Stop playing dark-triad-merry-go-round with Betty, Megan and all your children. Make your divorce and settlements with both women as amicable and painless and fair as possible. Pay your child support. Live on your own. Minimize your continued impact on other people.
> 
> You won't do any of that, of course, but it's the only advice I can give.


I was a complete sh!t. I accept full responsibility. I'm just trying to do the right thing from here on out.

I do not want to minimize my contact with my children. Believe it not, the one thing I have been throughout this is a good father. I'd like to continue doing that in some capacity. But both women still want me in their lives and are basically fighting over me by proxy - basically making my life miserable through petty behavior, tantrums, and threats. I've been taking the high road the last 12 months (because frankly I could only go up after all the things I did). The problem is my parents and my kids are siding with me, but I don't deserve it - and I know that...


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## don_draper (Aug 18, 2015)

mbcguy said:


> Our kids learn how relationships are supposed to be by watching and learning from their parents. What are you teaching your kids, all your kids right now? What do you think the kids will think when they find out and learn what you have done? Mom & Dad’s relationship was this way so, this must be how a relationship is supposed to be. We pass our damage on to the next generation. What is there relationships going to be like when they are old enough? Does it really make sense to stay in the relationships because of the kids?


I guess I didn't make this clear. I want out. My wife doesn't. I have no idea why. It's probably why I wanted to divorce her. All I've become is a father and a meal ticket.


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## don_draper (Aug 18, 2015)

mbcguy said:


> Why do you need to ask for advice on what to do...you already know what the right thing to do is. Are you asking for permission to continue to be a douche? Its unlikely to happen.


Certainly not.



mbcguy said:


> Divorce your wife (shame on her for being financially dependent on someone like you, she's in for a rude awakening), stop taking advantage of damaged young women to pump up your pathetic ego, and learn to be a decent father...which involves fessing up to your children about who daddy actually is and showing them that you can try to be a better man.


I want to. But how to deal with this threat to take the kids to another country. I know how that one ends - they end up hating mom too.



mbcguy said:


> Men like you always make me laugh. You "auditioned" replacements for your wife and what did you pick? A damaged, underage, emotional-wreck who you had to lie to to even attract.
> 
> Its funny that deep inside you surely feel so worthless that the only type of woman that you can get is one who's too young to know any better and is messed-up enough to believe your lies.


Sorry not every guy who does sh!tty things is massively insecure. She was young because I chose only women in their 20s. I don't need to lie to get a date. Given my prominence in my profession and the community, it was the only way to lineup so many dates and be discreet.



mbcguy said:


> The only good thing about your life is that I can imagine it must keep you thin because every time you look in the mirror, I bet that you have the urge to vomit.
> 
> What are you looking for here? Are you trying to brag about what you look like and what you've done to these women?


OK now you're just ranting...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wow you're right! That IS a poster perfect childhood!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

don_draper said:


> I take full responsibility for my actions and completely accept that created this situation by acting like a complete sh!t. That said, she is the one that routinely smashes walls and dishes, got herself arrested, and flipped her car over and woke up in a hospital after driving off in a hysterical rage at 3AM. She needs help but refuses to accept responsibility for her actions. *She blames me* for her getting arrested and me not bailing her out...


Well, in a way, it is your fault. I bet if you completely stay away from this woman (aside from child visitation, etc.) she'll calm down and won't have these outbursts. Sounds like you bring out the worst in her, so stay away from her and see what happens.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Does your wife know you're broke? Tell her, that's why she doesn't want out. That's the only thing you had to offer anyone. 

As for Megan, she's a dumb ho who got pregnant by and stayed with a married pos. I don't feel bad for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If you want a divorce, you can get one. You know that, right? Your wife cannot keep you from divorcing her. It may take longer without her cooperation, but it's entirely possible. My guess is you haven't pursued that because some part of you gets an emotional payoff from all the drama that still being married to her provides. If you really want out, hire a lawyer, have papers drawn up, get an emergency order to prevent her from taking the children out of the country if that's really a concern. 

But, like lifeistooshort, I suspect that simply coming clean about your financial status will do a lot to encourage your wife - and perhaps your mistress - to move along.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Does your wife know you're broke? Tell her, that's why she doesn't want out. That's the only thing you had to offer anyone.
> 
> As for Megan, she's a dumb ho who got pregnant by and stayed with a married pos. I don't feel bad for her.


LOL... but how do you _really_ feel?

:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL... but how do you _really_ feel?
> 
> :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:


I don't see an argument 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't see an argument


Hey, no argument here. I'd like that post a hojillion times if I could.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Wow. Ok, I'll just go ahead and tell you that the source of all your problems is....you. You won't believe that, of course, because Cluster B personalities pretty much never think they're anything but the victim of other people's malice/incompetence/drama/whatever. I would suggest you see a highly qualified therapist, but I know you won't.


Spot on, and how do I know? I'm a diagnosed Cluster B disorder guy myself and it was sheer happenchance that I stumbled across some information regarding HPD and NPD that started me on my path to treatment (will never fully "recover" from a personality disorder).

I must say, that you really beat my story, and I thought I was bad...jeez. You have literally manipulated these women and then place the onus on them for their behavior? Excuse me? You need to own your shyte and own it *RIGHT NOW* my friend. 

Time to grow up and realize that it is you who needs help and quit the blame shifting and excuses. Seek therapy. Check out DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I'm in it myself.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> She's threatened to take the kids to her home country (she's not a US citizen) and there's pretty much nothing I can do about that unless I just call her bluff.


Nonsense. You have every right to defend yourself in court with regards to custody which includes the residence of the children. She cannot just take the kids out of the country...that's completely untrue. In fact, if these kids were born in the US, its highly unlikely she'll get permission to move them. 

This situation actually sways the custody decision in your favor if your wife decides to leave the country. Your affair actually isn't relevant (although in your case, that's a shame because it should be).



> I do not want to minimize my contact with my children. Believe it not, the one thing I have been throughout this is a good father.


You don't understand the definition of being a good father. Part of that responsibility is to do things which help to ensure the long-term emotional health and well-being of your children. 

You have taken extreme actions in your personal life with zero thought to that. You've also compromised your finances. You've also caused extreme anxiety to these children's mother. None of those things make you a good father.

Your standards for your behavior are so piss poor that you give yourself credit where absolutely none is due.



> Sorry not every guy who does sh!tty things is massively insecure. She was young because I chose only women in their 20s. I don't need to lie to get a date. _*Given my prominence in my profession and the community*_, it was the only way to lineup so many dates and be discreet.


LMAO...hahahahahaha! 

Listen, you pick 20 year olds because you know...and so does everyone else reading your posts...that you aren't capable of dealing with a mentally stable, functional adult woman who a) wouldn't be attracted to you once you started talking/bragging and b) who would put a boot up your ass within 10 minutes of the relationship. No normal woman would put up with someone like you. That's why you're picking financially dependent mail-order brides and dumb, screwed up 20 year olds.

You're one of those people that are under the delusion that how things look are more important than how things are. You think people envy you because your life LOOKS a certain way. But the only people who envy people like you are people who are as shallow as you.



> But both women still want me in their lives and are basically fighting over me by proxy - basically making my life miserable through petty behavior, tantrums, and threats. I've been taking the high road the last 12 months (because frankly I could only go up after all the things I did). The problem is my parents and my kids are siding with me, but I don't deserve it - and I know that...


(vomit) 

If you really want to be a man, let these women move on with their lives and try to reform yourself as a man and a father.

There's zero to stop you from stopping the relationship with the mentally unstable child...and there's zero stopping you from divorcing your wife. All you're doing is trying to brag about two dullard, financially lazy women fighting over you. 

I honestly want to know...Are you purposely trying to make your posts obnoxious or do you seriously talk about yourself and your life like this all the time?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Hey, no argument here. I'd like that post a hojillion times if I could.


Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Your parents are siding with you huh? Well that explains a lot about why you are the way you are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
> 
> "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
> 
> ...


:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl:


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

By the way, have you considered that you'd be doing a public service to humanity by having a vasectomy?

The most disturbing thing about this whole story, in my opinion, is that you've contributed to bringing yet another baby/victim into this mess.


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