# Rebuilding from the Ashes



## Garry2012

In summary, my wife went through the stereotypical midlife crises we all see on here so much. Got to be 40, freaked out, got plastic surgery, lost a bunch of weight, started lots of contact with men through facebook and texts. After about 2 years of fighting with her about her boundaries, she checked out of the marriage and didnt want to go to MC. I soon discovered that she was at least having an EA and likely a PA. Got VAR evidence, confronted and she chose divorce over working on the marriage. She has remained adamant that i never loved her and like so many others, i got the ILYBNILWY speech. We went through mediation, she moved out and we finanized the divorce In July 2013. All while her bible thumping mother has blamed me for everything to protect her daughter. 

We are the parents, and share joint custody of three great kids, 11,9,5-who like all kids, didnt deserve to have this happen to them.

My journey on TAM started in September 2012 when I had suspicions of her EA/PA. My journey is chronicled in "wife's midlife crisis....what do i do?".

So now I am posting here as I transition to single parenting, dating, and trying to emotionally move on from the nausiating last year i have had.


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## LostViking

Good luck to you Gary. It is heartbreaking to move on from a failed marriage, but I think you will find that each day gets progressively better as you detach more and more from the person who hurt you. 

I think your ex-wife is heading for a fall down the road. Once her hormones level out, the wrinkles take over her face, the fake tits start to sag again, and she realizes that her new perfect man farts and stinks and snores just like any other man, she will look back and realize that she threw out the baby with the bathwater. 

But by the time that happens you will have moved on and traded up for a better woman. 

Take care of yourself, stay healthy, love your kids and be the best dad you can be. Your kids are savvy and they know the score. Their respect for their mother will degrade over time as they themselves learn more about life and go through their own relationships and hurts.


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## EnjoliWoman

And no doubt will find a MUCH better mother-in-law! 

I'm sorry for your pain and disappointment; I hope you can work well enough with your ex so the kids are as unscathed as possible.


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## zillard

Welcome Garry! You've made it this far. 

Now the fun part begins. You ready?


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## zillard

Welcome Garry! You've made it this far. 

Now the fun part begins. You ready?


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## ThreeStrikes

Well, Garry, you can think like I do:

You had her in her prime. Now some other dude will get stuck with her aging body and batsh!t craziness. I'm sure she will end up trading down.

You, on the other hand, get a chance to "trade up".


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## Garry2012

My focus on the kids had been good. I have maintained my workout schedule for the most part. I have found that the less i think of my last year, the better off i am. This week has been hard. I guess the kids not being here leaves a big void, and the court date on Tuesday. For the first time in months, i tossed and turned all night...my dreams were filled with me arguing with X and MOL etc. 

As far as co-parenting...we do as little as possible between us. With a shared calendar and a "kid" email account for school notices, at this point we seem to be able to manage without any interaction...or minimal texts.


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## Clark G

Congrats on rebuilding! I will tell you that after 3 years of this happening to me it only gets better - especially since it sounds like your focus has been right - on you and the kids and getting yourself ready to move on.

I commend you for doing this the right way - I did as well and life has never been better!!!

Joe


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## r0r0bin

Good luck on rebuilding Garry, there is so much more challenge on your life now but i am sure you will overcome them.


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## Garry2012

today i had took the kids to dinner. I had 3 hours that seemed like about 10 minutes...the kids thought so too. My daughter cried because she didnt want to leave. They told me the week at mothers seemed like a very long time, but time with me goes so fast..."because with you Dad we have fun". We were hugging and kissing all through dinner and after..it was like we had not seen each other is a long time. I do sense our bond getting stronger, which is something i will continue to embrace and foster.


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## Decorum

I'm glad that when the smoke cleared a good man was left standing.

You kids will do well with a dad like you.

I really wish you well Garry!

Take care!


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## Garry2012

Good, I dunno. I just know my kids didnt deserve this and that I need to be the best i can for them...especially with their mother not really connecting with them--she doesnt have that skill set or desire.


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## zillard

I have to let go of my idea of what my daughter's life should look like and focus on making it good today.

Have fun.


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## Garry2012

zillard said:


> I have to let go of my idea of what my daughter's life should look like and focus on making it good today.
> 
> Have fun.


Yeah, me too. I have to work on designing a better future. 

So exMOL was supposed to watch the kids for a week, because i have them for 3..but just found out she is going home rather than help me...guess i should have seen that coming. Ill make it work. Of course, I ask X and I get this long list of excuses, and that "she has plans" etc...sure..the woman hasnt worked in 30 years, and has NOTHING to do...i wanted to text back and say "just tell me no..i dont need to hear the excuses"..but i didnt. It will create too much dialogue and just make me madder...i sure hope there really is such thing as karma.

Another instance of me having to expect nothing....NOTHING...from them.


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## brokenbythis

Its hard when you've been the faithful spouse and been hurt by your unfaithful partner. I know, I'm travelling the same road as you.

My MIL is completely crazy and religious zealot to boot. A hypocritical one too. I can't stand the sight of her. I don't think I've ever disliked someone in my life as much as I dislike her. She doesn't have one redeeming quality. A hideous, nasty, spiteful mean person.

I hate it when you hear people say complete BS like "it takes 2" - to ruin a marriage. What utter BS. It takes ONE.

Your kids will one day learn the truth. The fairy tales they are being told by your ex will dissolve eventually and one day they will realize their selfish, crazy mother RUINED their family and hurt their father.

The karma bus will hit I always does.


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## Garry2012

brokenbythis said:


> Its hard when you've been the faithful spouse and been hurt by your unfaithful partner. I know, I'm travelling the same road as you.
> 
> My MIL is completely crazy and religious zealot to boot. A hypocritical one too. I can't stand the sight of her. I don't think I've ever disliked someone in my life as much as I dislike her. She doesn't have one redeeming quality. A hideous, nasty, spiteful mean person.
> 
> I hate it when you hear people say complete BS like "it takes 2" - to ruin a marriage. What utter BS. It takes ONE.
> 
> Your kids will one day learn the truth. The fairy tales they are being told by your ex will dissolve eventually and one day they will realize their selfish, crazy mother RUINED their family and hurt their father.
> 
> The karma bus will hit I always does.


Sounds like you are on the SAME path indeed. My MOL is prob not really that bad, but she has many family issues herself, as far as feeling not part of her own family, and not in a good marriage herself. Her other daughter is a complete wack job, so she knows that my X is her only hope of feeling loved and she is reliant upon my X when she gets older..she WILL live with her. She is is very weak mentally and spiritually, so coming to the aid of her mlc crazed daughter is all she can think to do.

I hope the karma bus comes, most days i think X is just getting away with it all...and making me look like a monster in the process.


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## Garry2012

charliechocolatefactory said:


> Hi!
> 
> Have you thought about counselling and/or support groups for your kids to help them cope with the fallout from everything?
> 
> Sometimes it's hard to realize how much harm this can cause to kids and how hard it is for parents and kids themselves to realize how much they need professional help and support. I've been going to therapy now (in my twenties) for a couple of years, and it's been helping me a lot. I've also read a lot of books like Toxic parents, and have given them to my parents to read.
> 
> Best wishes to you and the kids!


once my work calms down, i just found a divorcecare group i think i will attend. Then see how i get my kids in. I cant afford counciling at 150 bucks an hour.


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## Garry2012

So X let me have the kids this last weekend, despite me getting them again next weekend for 3 weeks. They didnt want to go back to her...again...they said a week is like forever over there.

My oldest told me there is alot of fighting with MOL and her family...to the point she doesnt want to attend the family reunion next month. I dont care if they are fighting about brownie recipies...but it does make me giddy... i like to pretend the Karma Fairy is working her magic.


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## zillard

Garry2012 said:


> once my work calms down, i just found a divorcecare group i think i will attend. Then see how i get my kids in. I cant afford counciling at 150 bucks an hour.


I have been able to find 2 really good therapists, outside of my network, who both were willing to do a discounted cash rate of $50-60/hr. 

Doesn't hurt to ask.


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## Garry2012

Ok, it is SO freaking hard to talk to X. I asked her nicely today, after 2 weeks of basically zero conversation, if she has signed the kids up for soccer. She insists, as nasty as she can, that she isnt responsible for clothes, school supplies or any sports. What the heck am I paying child support for? Then she just walks away from the conversation like apparently she walks away from everything. 

How can i co-parent with this person? She is more defiant, more angry more of an a$$ than ever before. Sometimes I think divorce is just Gods way of trying to drive you insane. You have to deal with a person that you just cant stand!!!

I guess im not surprised that she is sinking further and further into her fog....she seems to be on a steady trajectory down. But MAN is it hard to deal with.


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## Garry2012

Kids called me today...

child one: when are you coming to pick us up we miss you?
child two: when are you coming to pick us up?
Child three: Daddy, when are we coming to your house? 

I had originally told X ill pick them up on Sat at 1...but then, after they seem to want to escape from over there, I texted again to say i will take them tomorrow night after work. Im technically not supposed to get them until Sunday..but she doesnt seem to care and they obviously want out.


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## zillard

Sometimes you just have to take care of it and document. 

X doesn't see our daughter. I waived child support. Yet she still won't pay to add D7 to her cell phone plan and I'm still providing health insurance coverage (her responsibility). 

I may get married again some time. 

I will not be making any more kids. 

Everything else about divorce pales in comparison to the co-parenting issues.


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## Garry2012

I guess it just amazes me that i really dont think she has even read the decree....i mean, we worked on the document for 5 months...probably 10 different versions....she seems clueless about any of it...EXCEPT the child support. Guess that shows exactly what she was looking for.

Yeah, I know i have to pay for some of the stuff, she doesnt HAVE to pay for the sports they play, she should, but cant be forced to. However, not paying for clothes, school stuff and medical is outlined better. In fact, there is a whole paragraph on her paying half the medical...and she seemed to not be aware of it.

Just another of the many "head shaking" moments.


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## Decorum

Garry2012 said:


> i like to pretend the Karma Fairy is working her magic.


The Karma Fairy, snicker, snicker.
Sometimes the Karma Fairy swings a baseball bat.

She has sold her happiness and contentment very cheaply, I know she is broken, but still, she will not find it under her pillow, nor between the sheets.

I have never had to deal with co-parenting, let alone with a self destructive partner, it sounds so vexing, Im sorry.

You are being a good parent!

Take care.


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## Garry2012

So, I have been wondering when she was going to kick her mother out....I know she has to be miserable with MOM there...1) she never got along with her that well, and 2) its no different than living with me really--she has someone who is waiting on her at home etc.

Her mother has been telling the kids and me that she is there indefinitely...i kept saying, no way...1 year tops.

Well, i saw an email today that X is looking for afterschool care....so...there it is...she wants her out.


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## Garry2012

Decorum said:


> The Karma Fairy, snicker, snicker.
> Sometimes the Karma Fairy swings a baseball bat.
> 
> She has sold her happiness and contentment very cheaply, I know she is broken, but still, she will not find it under her pillow, nor between the sheets.
> 
> I have never had to deal with co-parenting, let alone with a self destructive partner, it sounds so vexing, Im sorry.
> 
> You are being a good parent!
> 
> Take care.


The odd part with dealing with someone in this selfish path in the fog is how conviced she is of all she is doing, and the total disregard or remorse for any of her actions. Its JUST a journey about her...what make her happy, what is in her best interest. Thats all.


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## Garry2012

So X didnt want to pay for D5 soccer. So i did. Conversation:

X: Why do you think I have to pay for all the children expenses?

G: Your primary...your supposed to pay for most of them. Both my atty and the mediator told me your supposed to as primary.
BTW, I will be sending you a bill for your half of the medical expenses since I took two of them to the doctor.

x: I think its funny that you think i have to pay for their clothes and school stuff, and then pay you for the medical expenses.

G: Its not what i think, it is what you agreed to. There is a specific paragraph related to medical expenses. 

Interesting to me that she has literally no clue as to what she agreed to. I dont think she has read any of the dozen divorce decrees that were issued. Nor does she want to be primary when it comes to expenese..just income. 

MOL is even worse....they both want me to pay half of everything....uhh..that was what I wanted...but you insisted...and i mean INSISTED in the mediation session...of being primary..to the point i almost walked out several times. She basically has no rights that i dont have, she just wanted the money.

On a side note, I think X is looking for child care to kick MOL out...which is good..she is more of a cancer now than her daughter...and she goes to the kids.

Lastly, there seems to be lots of fighting with MOL and her family..my son says he hears her fighting alot on the phone...i am hoping it relates to her support of the divorce...but either way..it makes me giggle. lol


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## Garry2012

So, been a while since i posted. Kids leave for their mother's family reunion tomorrow, after spending the last 3 weeks with me. X took them to dinner for an hour...that was it...and actually fought with my oldest even then. 

Its sad to see the boys not happy to be going on this trip. This was always a big deal when we were a family, but they are very sad that I cant go...they keep telling me they will have noone to do anything with them with me not there. 

My oldest is showing increasing signs of anger, he fights with eveyone all the time about just about everything. He didnt talk to me yesterday for about an hour because i hugged and kissed his brother,without running over to him immediately. I will let his mother know, but my guess is he will end up fighting with her the whole time gone. She will be drunk and self focused the whoe time (she always has been but i watched the kids and lether have her party time) but will fight with him im sure.

other than kid related stuff, i dont talk to her at all...which is nice indeed.


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## weightlifter

How about an update Gar. Read the original thread.

IIRC you never were able to confirm the PA?


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## Garry2012

Hey Weight. I am somewhat settling in on my new life. I have the kids alot, but wheni dont have them, I still have ALOT of trouble sleeping. 

Nope, she is defiant as ever as to denying her affair and walking out on the marriage. I heard from her uncle that she was bragging a couple weeks ago about going out on about 20 dates a month. Guess she is desparate to fill the void, "fix the problem". I did talk to her aunt who confirmed that she has not talked to X or her mother since January-and they removed most of family off facebook too. So, they have essentially put themselves on an island until i guess it either becomes old news or something.

I have joined several meetup groups, and i coach two of the kids sports. I also work out regularly, so I try not to spend to much time in the house alone...it still depresses me. 

Other than very occasional kid text, we dont talk...which is good. It turns my stomach when i see her text or call.


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## weightlifter

Lol looked for her match profile. Just a curiousity thing. Its gone. 20 dates! Yikes. She getting some seious mileage. She is pretty so for awhile until time truly catches her she will have her fun.

Now are YOU getting any dates?

Unclear. She is off fb?

Generically which meetup groups? Ie activity.


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## Garry2012

Yeah she is, but was always a TERRIBLE conversationalist (hence no communication in marriage either)...so if that is what the guys want, she will be a quick relationship. She was never a very physical person either, now i know that may change in her new lifstyle, but she never was. I was on the single site Plenty of Fish, and when she joined and saw me there, she got off lol. 

I have dated, and without sounding pompous (so not), i generally dont have a problem. I have gone on 5-6, but so far all of them want more than just a date here and there. That is just too much for me at the moment. 

Funny, there is a mom on the team recently divorced, and she seems to be ALOT friendlier and more glamed up when she picks up her son from practice. Makes me wonder. lol

I have joined 3-4 just hang out at a bar/restaurant/park groups, a couple singles groups, and a couple sports groups. So far I havent done much, as its hard to fit them in with having the kids half the time and coaching too. But, it gives me options on days that I have not much to do.


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## weightlifter

So is mom on team at least a 5.01 on the 10 scale? (5 median)

Glad life is moving on. Hope your heart heals. Get laid a few times. It will do wonders for the ego. Just dont overdo it.


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> So is mom on team at least a 5.01 on the 10 scale? (5 median)
> 
> Glad life is moving on. Hope your heart heals. Get laid a few times. It will do wonders for the ego. Just dont overdo it.


I dont know if my ego is that off...i actually feel like i have my old swagger back. I still got game lol. I want to interact with folks in a non dating scenerio. I do struggle with anger...i cant look at her, and HATE interacting with her. Not sure why the anger, I think mostly because of the denial/lack of integrity etc. She seems so less of a person for not owning up to her crime i guess--and consequently blaming and letting her family blame me. Time will get me over that too.


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## maincourse99

Seems like you're doing all you can. I've done Meetup and joined *******. Last year when first on okc, I met a girl who was fine with FWB, but was too far away. If all you want is a date every so often, spell it out. I mentioned I'm recently divorced looking for short term dating, fun nights out every week or two and have gotten to know a couple of nice people, I don't even care if we sleep together. I just need to be out of the house on nights D12 isn't here and to have some female company.

Co-parenting is brutal. Every time we have to text about child issues, or when we meet at a neutral site for exchange, it opens the wound up a little. Like you, the sight of her makes me ill. 

There are actually plenty of women out there who are just out of relationships who won't pressure you for more than you can give at the moment. Hope you can find one, and stay busy. I wish you the best.


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## Garry2012

So, I had a good call on Saturday with my exes uncle (by marriage). He told me that, while they have been in no contact with ex MIL and X, that they see that both are acting crazy. He said that most of the family still likes me and is not believing anything those two are telling them at all. The level of secrecy etc. and the badmouthing of me isnt working, and in fact, they dont believe any of it. Which made me feel great. He sounded VERY much on my "side"...and told me that most of the family feels the same way too. They have seen me be a Dad for 11 years, so exmil telling them that im bad now, makes her look dumb. HAPPY MONDAY! lol


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## weightlifter

Glad you still have your good name Gar. Gotta drive her wild that YOU are liked more by an apparent majority of second circle relatives.


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## tom67

That's good to hear at least there are some in her family that have good heads on their shoulders.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Luckily they are not falling for all the crap they are saying about me and their actions are so bizarre by blocking out the whole family that is make them look like they are hiding stuff etc. So they made themselves look bad. I didnt say much at all...didnt have too. I think they know X is not herself, so how the ex MIL is/has handled al lof it is the focus...which is alot of my problem with her.


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> Lol looked for her match profile. Just a curiousity thing. Its gone. 20 dates! Yikes. She getting some seious mileage. She is pretty so for awhile until time truly catches her she will have her fun.
> 
> Now are YOU getting any dates?
> 
> Unclear. She is off fb?
> 
> Generically which meetup groups? Ie activity.


Well I know why her match profile is gone: she showed up at my sons baseball game last night with her new beau. At one point we discussed not bringing new dates to games etc..but I guess she thinks two months is enough time to show she has moved on. Maybe it is. It shocked me to be honest. She certainly didnt have to bring him to the game. He was playing with my kids too, so I guess he has been around a bit. Then again, this is about as bad as it will be now. I slept ok last night...so it apparently didnt bother me THAT much. Stilll one would THINK, that she knew how much the whole divorce bothered me....that she could wait..but...why do I expect consideration now? I shouldnt.


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## weightlifter

And you wont bring a date now because...?

I say success is the best revenge for a reason.

She gets jealous. You get laid! 

/emote walks off grumbling "why do I have to explain these things. Vagina time is fun time..." 

No dont take the above too seriously... Well a bit tho...


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> And you wont bring a date now because...?
> 
> I say success is the best revenge for a reason.
> 
> She gets jealous. You get laid!
> 
> /emote walks off grumbling "why do I have to explain these things. Vagina time is fun time..."
> 
> No dont take the above too seriously... Well a bit tho...


That could be the interesting part. She was ALWAYS super jealous of any female talking to me. I wasnt the jealous one...until the gut told me otherwise. 

Funny, she was the one that wanted freedom...but jumped into a relationship as fast as she could. I'm the one that didnt want freedom, but now I want to enjoy it after 17 years in a relationship. I have had my chance to jump into them...im not ready and dont want that right now.


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## Garry2012

I do have concerns that another guy seems to around my kids....so i guess i have to accept that she can and will have lots of guys around my kids potentially...and i have no say about that.


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## Garry2012

So I asked the kids about her mom's "friend". They flat out tell me that its her boyfriend. He comes over everynight and is hanging out with them and their mother and grandmother. Taking X out to dinner. I guess im confused, we got along fine, but the biggest stress in her life was marriage and kids...yet she jumps right back into a relationship with a guy coming over everynight? We had THAT! Yeah, it really bothers me to have some guy playing with my kids too...my son told me how he is playing xbox with him...playing daddy. Yeah..pisses me off. I knew it would.


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## Decorum

Garry2012 said:


> So I asked the kids about her mom's "friend". They flat out tell me that its her boyfriend. He comes over everynight and is hanging out with them and their mother and grandmother. Taking X out to dinner. I guess im confused, we got along fine, but the biggest stress in her life was marriage and kids...yet she jumps right back into a relationship with a guy coming over everynight? We had THAT! Yeah, it really bothers me to have some guy playing with my kids too...my son told me how he is playing xbox with him...playing daddy. Yeah..pisses me off. I knew it would.


Sucks! I would feel the same. Remember you been there done that with her, your one concern is for your kids.

I would be tempted to walk over to the successive string of boyfriends with a big smile and a handshake, ( with the "I've climbed that mountain, and am moving on" attitude) engage them in conversation and politely let them know that your one concern is for your children, if they are decent guys they will understand.

Now it might piss her off, but that’s just a perk .

Not suggestion you poke the bear.

Honestly Garry I just wanted to stop and see how you were doing. You seem to be moving along well, I'm glad for you.

Sure give yourself time, its a sign of emotional maturity not weakness. I had the worst pain in my neck last week that I have ever had, must have slept wrong.

You know what I didn’t do, go on a rollercoaster, why?
I'm not an idiot! ha ha.

Be well!


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## Garry2012

So last night wasnt a good night for me. I couldnt sleep thinking of my kids having essentially what hit me as "a new daddy" at their other house. Sure, this is an over reaction....but its new to me i guess. They were told to keep the "secret" that he is mommy's new boyfriend, but that after showing up at my oldests baseball game, he has been there everynight to visit or take X out to eat while her mother watches the kids (which she NEVER did in 13 years of our marriage btw). 

I know i have no control over any of it...but it sure seems SO soon to be playing house with a guy when you needed freedom...and having him with my kids EVERYDAY when you supposedly have only know him for a month? He could be the guy she left me for...who knows. Plus he has 3 kids of his own..so it is almost comical that while you couldnt stand the domestic life with me, your doubling it with another guy? The kids are thinking this is their permanent step dad already...cause he has been seeing mommy for such a long time...(30 days). I tried to gracefully tell them that a month is not much time in dating...usually it takes years to figure out if he/she is the one you want to marry. 

As I was already told, I feel threatened by this guy...that is true. I didnt think I would be dealing with these issues for a while I guess. Heck at this rate, she will take him to her family for Thanksgiving....having not even talked/discussed/explained why her 13 year marriage ended. THAT seems odd.


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## weightlifter

Things you already know my friend.
1) 30 days is an eternity compared to 20 different dates a month.
2) Your ex IS unusually attractive for a ?43? year old. Shes still got pull. Not as much as when she was 23 but dude she aint ugly.
3) Shes getting pre-love butterflies. She would deal with 16 children ATM.
4) You are somewhat jealous. She WAS yours. Part of her will ALWAYS be with you. You appear to not be compartmentalizing it enough. I recommend a random vagina. The superglue for a mans ego.
5) Women talk about freedom but alot of them like to call themselves XYZ's girl and actually know who they are sleeping with. Ill guestimate she wanted a month or three of open space then found herself wanting to be half a couple again once the d was final.

Racking my brain but didnt she have a bunch of quasi EAs and the PA part is an even money bet? Perhaps she was not seeking other c0ck, just other emotional support. This is NOT a blame you statement.


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> Things you already know my friend.
> 1) 30 days is an eternity compared to 20 different dates a month.
> 2) Your ex IS unusually attractive for a ?43? year old. Shes still got pull. Not as much as when she was 23 but dude she aint ugly.
> 3) Shes getting pre-love butterflies. She would deal with 16 children ATM.
> 4) You are somewhat jealous. She WAS yours. Part of her will ALWAYS be with you. You appear to not be compartmentalizing it enough. I recommend a random vagina. The superglue for a mans ego.
> 5) Women talk about freedom but alot of them like to call themselves XYZ's girl and actually know who they are sleeping with. Ill guestimate she wanted a month or three of open space then found herself wanting to be half a couple again once the d was final.
> 
> Racking my brain but didnt she have a bunch of quasi EAs and the PA part is an even money bet? Perhaps she was not seeking other c0ck, just other emotional support. This is NOT a blame you statement.


I dunno what I am feeling. Jealous a little yeah, that she is with someone, that he seems to have taken my place so quickly, kids seem to really like him. exMIL seems to be bending over to make sure they have time together...when she didnt for us. All at the same time she wouldnt give me the time of day to work on "us"...none...just walked away. So VERY frustrating. All the while I feel like I am the one that is taking ALL the punishment. I barely make it financially, dont get to see my kids nearly as much etc etc etc. I know life aint fair...im just tired of it after a year. Heck she was dating essentially when we were married...so that part doesnt surprise me...its his integration into MY family that is so unnerviing to me...so quickly and seemingly effortlessly. 

I can get a woman....but i am in a limbo...and since she was so attractive...my bar is pretty high too... im in a big city, so that is doable, if/when i am ready...which is so frustrating to...im just not and i know it. Im no slouch, so honestly she did downgrade in some areas with this guy...but obviously things are going well. 

She had a confirmed EA,and ane even money PA. With lots of grey area for muliple EAs and over the boundry play.


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## weightlifter

It was a fireman or a cop or something??

Anyway.

now i am not saying date a slug.

The 6/10 who rocks your world, leaves your c0ck quivering and looks you in the eye with a soul shaking I-love-you > the 8/10 with meh of all the above.


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> It was a fireman or a cop or something??
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> now i am not saying date a slug.
> 
> The 6/10 who rocks your world, leaves your c0ck quivering and looks you in the eye with a soul shaking I-love-you > the 8/10 with meh of all the above.


Good memory...well she joined the volunteer groups for both fireman and cops...then was texting at least one cop regularly. This guy isnt a cop...so I am thinking she met him off Match.com.

She is DEF the 8/10 scenerio...prob always was...i just made excuses for her. 

I dunno...just frustrated so much about it all today.


----------



## Decorum

Fear of replacement.

That's a tough road.

If she is going to find someone else, the best thing would be for her to find a decent guy who willingly invests himself in them, he is just getting to know them and they him. Don't try to compete with that, this too will pass. You are not really competing with him, he may become a friend to them and hopefully a good example to them, wait for it..you will always be their dad.

If instead of your wife going off the deep end if you had died instead, they would accept him if he were a decent guy, but he could never replace you, and a decent guy would not try because that would be creepy.

There is a bond/power to your relationship with them that is immutable. It will become more clear as time goes on.

Your kids are adapting to their changing circumstance.

I work with a man who married a Jerry Springer woman, she had us all fooled (she worked there to). she had a daughter, they had another one together, he is a very decent man, her ex (they had divorced) came to appreciate him for that reason.

His ex (after her cheating and their divorce) married another guy we both knew from work, another decent man, really. They had a son. Now really this woman doesn't really like kids so much.

She has 3 from 3 different men. I use to share an office with her, ha ha, she said "if I ever marry again a third time I belong on Jerry Springer", ha ha the invitation is in the mail.

Anyway, he now takes all three at times to do something with no resentment. He is truly emotionally free, but his daughter is all about him, he is her daddy.


His now ex was a very cute, slim almost thirty year old woman.

The latest husband, (When they just started dating) said to me that "She is the nicest sweetest girl I have ever met". She is actually a very demanding critical person.

He is living the dream, we tried to warn him. 

My friend said he would not stick an enemy with her.

Longer story than it needs to be point is, no one can replace you in the long run, give it some time.

I wish you well.


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## Garry2012

I know..guess it was just a shock at first. I am better adjusted now. Some of the reaction is to her so quickly trying to integrate him into my kids lives. Thinkjng about it, this could be the guy she left me for to begin with....so maybe she has known him longer. It was just a small speedbump in the process. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

They know that wont happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wtf2012

Garry2012 said:


> I know..guess it was just a shock at first. I am better adjusted now. Some of the reaction is to her so quickly trying to integrate him into my kids lives. Thinkjng about it, this could be the guy she left me for to begin with....so maybe she has known him longer. It was just a small speedbump in the process. .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The more she forces it, the harder it will be for their relationship. I feel for your kids. It has to be confusing for them. Only an emotionally stunted selfish person would introduce someone after a month or couple months of dating. 

He will never replace you.

If he does happen to be a decent dude, then he could enrich your children's lives. Step parents can be good additions in kids' lives. 

Time is on your side. It sucks now, but truth will out.


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## Garry2012

wtf2012 said:


> The more she forces it, the harder it will be for their relationship. I feel for your kids. It has to be confusing for them. Only an emotionally stunted selfish person would introduce someone after a month or couple months of dating.
> 
> He will never replace you.
> 
> If he does happen to be a decent dude, then he could enrich your children's lives. Step parents can be good additions in kids' lives.
> 
> Time is on your side. It sucks now, but truth will out.


They "seem" ok with it...in fact the were asking me why I didnt have a girlfriend. I do wonder if this is the guy she left me for originally...which is why she is moving alot faster with him...she might have known him for a year already. Though I realize that doesnt changer her rapid introducition to the kids. Brining around is ok.....but they said he was there everyday last week...playing with them and taking X out to etc...hanging out at the house. Seems to be overkill...like you say, she sounds to be forcing the issue...like she is trying to recreate the family she had. Good luck.


----------



## Mrlonelyhearts

Garry2012 said:


> They "seem" ok with it...in fact the were asking me why I didnt have a girlfriend. I do wonder if this is the guy she left me for originally...which is why she is moving alot faster with him...she might have known him for a year already. Though I realize that doesnt changer her rapid introducition to the kids. Brining around is ok.....but they said he was there everyday last week...playing with them and taking X out to etc...hanging out at the house. Seems to be overkill...like you say, she sounds to be forcing the issue...like she is trying to recreate the family she had. Good luck.


I wonder how it will go the first time those kids resist and say, "well, you're not my dad." That family she's trying to recreate might not be all she expected. She'll be in for a shock.


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## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> They "seem" ok with it...in fact the were asking me why I didnt have a girlfriend. I do wonder if this is the guy she left me for originally...which is why she is moving alot faster with him...she might have known him for a year already. Though I realize that doesnt changer her rapid introducition to the kids. Brining around is ok.....but they said he was there everyday last week...playing with them and taking X out to etc...hanging out at the house. Seems to be overkill...like you say, she sounds to be forcing the issue...like she is trying to recreate the family she had. Good luck.


I assuming they asking why you dont have a girfriend = your kids asking? If it is indeed your kids... That is them cheering YOU on to have a full life and re-open your heart. In some ways a great sign... They have adjusted very well. You should pat yourself on the back for that.

In one way a bad sign. It looks more and more like you need to work your heart to move on and open yourself to the possibility of loving again. Everyone but you is saying Gary bring love back into your life... Except Gary. Work on that.

You will likely never know if he is the guy... Your kids MAY know. I would only ask your kids as "When was the first time you met Mr X?" If they say Sept 2012 you have your answer. If they say July 2013... Likely not and let it go. She IS NOT your wife any more.

IMHO he is simply around because he is also in the state of pre-love and wanting your kids to like him to make her love him. YOUR KIDS WILL NEVER think of him as their dad as long as you NEVER ABANDON THEM! He is simply winning them to win her.

Let me cut a few heartstrings you seem to still have with her. Sorry bud its gotta be done. She has already likely had ~6 guys inside her since the D. NEVERMIND the possible PA with Barney Fife. She is GONE my friend. GONE. NOT yours any more.

You have a steep road ahead. Get your head on straight. You seem possibly over picky on looks. CONSIDER that 6/10 (5 median) should she tick all the boxes of your head and heart. Knockout? No but not a dog either.


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## EnjoliWoman

Aside from understanding you're feeling obsolete now, the big thing that jumped out with me is she asked your kids to keep a secret.

That is NOT COOL. That puts the kids in the middle and makes them chose loyalties. I think it would be a good idea to set a precedence right now by calmly telling her that her life is her business as long as the kids aren't in danger but that they kids can't be expected to keep secrets from either parent. Agree to a "don't ask/don't tell" approach. Neither of you drill them about what goes on at the other house or make any comments about what the kids voluntarily comment on and/or keep comments neutral.

Secrets are poison for kids post-divorce and cause a lot of stress on kids. I don't want to project but it can also be the start of alienation or legal maneuvering as well - probably not your case.


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> I assuming they asking why you dont have a girfriend = your kids asking? If it is indeed your kids... That is them cheering YOU on to have a full life and re-open your heart. In some ways a great sign... They have adjusted very well. You should pat yourself on the back for that.
> 
> In one way a bad sign. It looks more and more like you need to work your heart to move on and open yourself to the possibility of loving again. Everyone but you is saying Gary bring love back into your life... Except Gary. Work on that.
> 
> You will likely never know if he is the guy... Your kids MAY know. I would only ask your kids as "When was the first time you met Mr X?" If they say Sept 2012 you have your answer. If they say July 2013... Likely not and let it go. She IS NOT your wife any more.
> 
> IMHO he is simply around because he is also in the state of pre-love and wanting your kids to like him to make her love him. YOUR KIDS WILL NEVER think of him as their dad as long as you NEVER ABANDON THEM! He is simply winning them to win her.
> 
> Let me cut a few heartstrings you seem to still have with her. Sorry bud its gotta be done. She has already likely had ~6 guys inside her since the D. NEVERMIND the possible PA with Barney Fife. She is GONE my friend. GONE. NOT yours any more.
> 
> You have a steep road ahead. Get your head on straight. You seem possibly over picky on looks. CONSIDER that 6/10 (5 median) should she tick all the boxes of your head and heart. Knockout? No but not a dog either.


I think the kids are well adjusted...which is GREAT...and was one of my biggest concerns. YOu are right..im just not ready for all the games etc. of a relationship..i am actually enjoying hangning out in singles groups etc for now. Ill know my next GF when i meet her..but im not going to jump into a relationship because of co-dependent needs (something I think she is very much doing). Being by myself now is refreshing and I think necessary for my healing.

In some ways, her having a BF (now in the open) is helping me move on. I know NONE of her issues of insecurity etc have been fixed...so she is just going down the same road with a new guy. Best wishes to him making her happy....cant be done long term...just in short flashes. In fact it almost cracks me up..she was NOT a physical person....so she will fake it while they date..like she did with me...and then at some point revert to her old cold self. I DONT miss that.


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## Garry2012

EnjoliWoman said:


> Aside from understanding you're feeling obsolete now, the big thing that jumped out with me is she asked your kids to keep a secret.
> 
> That is NOT COOL. That puts the kids in the middle and makes them chose loyalties. I think it would be a good idea to set a precedence right now by calmly telling her that her life is her business as long as the kids aren't in danger but that they kids can't be expected to keep secrets from either parent. Agree to a "don't ask/don't tell" approach. Neither of you drill them about what goes on at the other house or make any comments about what the kids voluntarily comment on and/or keep comments neutral.
> 
> Secrets are poison for kids post-divorce and cause a lot of stress on kids. I don't want to project but it can also be the start of alienation or legal maneuvering as well - probably not your case.


Yeah...that has been a big concern for me too post D. Her mother especially has purposely placed the kids in the middle of the divorce..ie having them ask for things at the house for their mother and grandmother. If I confront her about the "secret" she will, true to form, deny and then attack the kids for telling daddy about their secret. So it puts them back in the middle.

The odd part to me is WHY would she want it a secret anyway? Heck, SHE took him to my sons game..in the open....and sat very close to him. Wasnt a secret then..


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## EnjoliWoman

When I asked my daughter (when she was little) if she had fun with daddy this weekend and what did they do, she looked frightened - she was afraid she would say the wrong thing. The family counselor I was seeing with kiddo told me to just not ask. It's tough when I really only wanted to know if they went swimming or went to the park - I wasn't trying to squeeze information out of her. So finally I just couldn't ask. And when she was put in the position of asking me things, I just told her I'd talk to her father about whatever it was and I wouldn't answer her directly. I'd call or send an email to her Dad and deal with him directly so she wouldn't have to be a go-between. He still does it - makes her call me when they are late to exchange or makes her ask me if she can stay another night because there is no school the next day. I still say "I'll talk with your father about that". Of course he'll tell her I said no and I'm the bad guy. He sets it up like that - it's one of his many alienation tactics.


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## Garry2012

EnjoliWoman said:


> When I asked my daughter (when she was little) if she had fun with daddy this weekend and what did they do, she looked frightened - she was afraid she would say the wrong thing. The family counselor I was seeing with kiddo told me to just not ask. It's tough when I really only wanted to know if they went swimming or went to the park - I wasn't trying to squeeze information out of her. So finally I just couldn't ask. And when she was put in the position of asking me things, I just told her I'd talk to her father about whatever it was and I wouldn't answer her directly. I'd call or send an email to her Dad and deal with him directly so she wouldn't have to be a go-between. He still does it - makes her call me when they are late to exchange or makes her ask me if she can stay another night because there is no school the next day. I still say "I'll talk with your father about that". Of course he'll tell her I said no and I'm the bad guy. He sets it up like that - it's one of his many alienation tactics.


Yes...been down this road too. My X doesnt do it, its her nimwit mother, the kids grandmother, that does it. She has my mobile number...she can text me...but she kept asking for one specific thing. I told the kids the same thing, any conersations between what is at my house or not is between your mother and me, you and your grandmother have nothing to do with the conversation..so I will talk to you mom about it. I think my X has enough guilt to not ask for anything...or expect anything...and she knows, as i have told her, that I would much rather die in the street alone than to ask her for a glass of water.


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## EnjoliWoman

Side note - rebuilding from the ashes.... that phrase got me thinking. When things burn in nature, it leaves the soil even more rich than before and the sunlight can get in to let new things grow. The new growth is healthier and stronger.

So your rebuilding from the ashes is a good thing!


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## Garry2012

EnjoliWoman said:


> Side note - rebuilding from the ashes.... that phrase got me thinking. When things burn in nature, it leaves the soil even more rich than before and the sunlight can get in to let new things grow. The new growth is healthier and stronger.
> 
> So your rebuilding from the ashes is a good thing!


Yes it is . Sometimes a fire is needed....it makes the forest healthier in the long term....once your burn scars fade .


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## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> I think the kids are well adjusted...which is GREAT...and was one of my biggest concerns. YOu are right..im just not ready for all the games etc. of a relationship..i am actually enjoying hangning out in singles groups etc for now. Ill know my next GF when i meet her..but im not going to jump into a relationship because of co-dependent needs (something I think she is very much doing). Being by myself now is refreshing and I think necessary for my healing.
> 
> In some ways, her having a BF (now in the open) is helping me move on. I know NONE of her issues of insecurity etc have been fixed...so she is just going down the same road with a new guy. Best wishes to him making her happy....cant be done long term...just in short flashes. In fact it almost cracks me up..she was NOT a physical person....so she will fake it while they date..like she did with me...and then at some point revert to her old cold self. I DONT miss that.


All i am saying is get that head straightened out then be open to that woman who gives even you that feeling of " this one has possibilities". Even if she is only a 6.

I never advise forcing a relationship.


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## Garry2012

On a side note, my X's lawyer did not file the QRDO paperwork within the defined reasonable time of 75 days. So, now, while I assume she can still get them, she has to go through additional expense to petition the court etc. as the Plenary power of the court has expired.


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## weightlifter

IE she has a harder time getting part of your pension/401K?


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> IE she has a harder time getting part of your pension/401K?


Exactly. As busy as her ATTY is, my ATTY thought they might get put to the side. Sooo, now she has to petition the court etc to file them. My ATTY hasnt seen them and the divorce was final on 7/9. So in addition to the 2-3k it takes to prepare them (so i have heard) now she has to do all the other court crap...and her atty is pricey. Heck, when i talked about the QDROs in May/June...she didnt even know what they were...she was only focused on the CS...has very little understanding of the rest of the decree.


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## weightlifter

So keep thy mouth shut my friend!


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> So keep thy mouth shut my friend!


LOL...heck yeah!


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## Garry2012

ok so had a VERY busy weekend.

Friday, after 4 hours of the company softball, I played in singles volleyball for 5 hours..until 12:30am.

Coached a soccer game on Sat am, then went to a happy hour Sat night. Cute girl and I sepated from the group and found ourselves talking at the bar until 130am (they closed and through us out).

We exchanged numbers and ended up meeting yesterday to watch some football and eat dinner together...so talked for another 5 hours. 

Going slow...but we do get along pretty well.


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## weightlifter

Quoting Bill and Ted

EXCELLENT!

Your ex is 

BOOOOOGUS!

I saw this in the theatre.
Damn Im old.


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## Garry2012

Hard to imagine that it was a year ago today that i VARd X talking to her OM. I would say it has gone by fast....but living with her and her demonizing mother for 4 months was like POW camp-complete with bamboo shoots.


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## Garry2012

So, I said this on my other "old" thread but thought good to put here. I now have a woman who tells me she is smitten, another who keeps telling me to date her, and a third who is making food for me. Not bragging, my point is, yeah, being appreciated unlike I have for the last 10 years is an eye opener, and feels great...so at some level, I understand why X thought our relationship had faded. However, I also know that the beginning is usually like this...and always fades into something more normal...which is what we had. You STILL have to work on the relationship...which is where she struggles tremendously. From the looks of it, she is downgrading to a guy is should be VERY happy she gave him a chance....so he will put up with her short coming s and kiss her butt as she needs just to keep her happy with him. I also dont think she will be so concerned with other women flirting with him...which makes her more secure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

LOL busy boy.

LOL which one is the most "natural" easy to get along with?

Hope its the food one! (as long as she does not weigh 400 lbs)


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## Garry2012

Well, the "smitten" woman and I get along great. She is an ER nurse. Great convo, not clingy, been divorced a very long time etc. I am weary of dating a woman at work...though she knows my whole situation and has been there herself...also really good head n her sgoulders. Food lady, she is going through her divorce now, is prob not really my type...but man she cooks a mean lasagna haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Plus nurse is one of those high infidelity jobs like sahm, teacher etc. hey at least it is below bar maid!


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## Ceegee

weightlifter said:


> Plus nurse is one of those high infidelity jobs like sahm, teacher etc. hey at least it is below bar maid!


I was going to say the same thing. 

Probably reason she's divorced.


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## Conrad

weightlifter said:


> Plus nurse is one of those high infidelity jobs like sahm, teacher etc. hey at least it is below bar maid!


Healthcare workers have massive codependence rates.

It's all about saving someone else.


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## 2galsmom

Conrad said:


> Healthcare workers have massive codependence rates.
> 
> It's all about saving someone else.


Interesting.

Good luck with the smitten one Garry. Please don't stereotype nurses as cheaters or SAHMs or former SAHMs, I know literally hundreds of these "types" and they are not high infidelity types.


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## Conrad

2galsmom said:


> Interesting.
> 
> Good luck with the smitten one Garry. Please don't stereotype nurses as cheaters or SAHMs or former SAHMs, I know literally hundreds of these "types" and they are not high infidelity types.


What types would those be?


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## 2galsmom

Conrad said:


> What types would those be?


I am tired and drinking coffee for dinner to get through kids' homework but didn't weightlifter post this?

"Plus nurse is one of those high infidelity jobs like sahm, teacher etc. hey at least it is below bar maid!"

High infidelity types. I disagree. I just stopped in to support Gary, that's all.


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## Garry2012

She seems very independent and not codependent at this point. She seems like the faithful type (though obviously im not a good judge lol) but she has made references to the flirtatious environment that she works in. 

I dont stereotype, but I do agree that there are professions that have bad environments. ...police force people I think fall inro that group too. But cheaters can find a playmate at any profession.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

Airline pilots have a very high rate of infidelity. I'm sure there are plenty of faithful pilots, too.


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## Garry2012

Professions with loose work environments and lots of dead time..bad combo. SAHM....just too much time...idle mind is the devils playground.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

2g. disagree. The stats are out there. 
Respectfully of course. The world will not cease orbiting, make a left turn, and fall into the sun if we disagree.

Another. Any job with extensive travel is bad for either side.


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## Garry2012

Obviously cant say everyone in those fields is a cheater. ..just a higher instance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badcompany

Garry2012 said:


> Obviously cant say everyone in those fields is a cheater. ..just a higher instance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> 
> I won't date/marry anyone that is in Healthcare again.


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## weightlifter

Nurse and travel jobs offer alot of away from home locations to do it unseen.

What badco wouldnt do for the ability to ask his stbxw say 3 questions shemust answer fully and truthfully. Bet garry isin same boat. 2 men 90 percent sure they did who cant get that final proof.


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## soccermom2three

My SIL, an ER nurse is having an affair with a married coworker who is guess what? An ER nurse. I had no idea that nurses were considered high risk for infidelity.


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## badcompany

I've been on scene enough to see how it works. There are a bunch of women nurses and a few guys more often than not, and the pursuit is on. The guy is usually a doctor or NP, pulls in a big bankroll and can pretty much float around and tap whoever he wants to. Over the 2 years my W has worked at this place, I've seen one guy "enjoy" 3 of the nurses before he moved onto another clinic.


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## Garry2012

Yeah. ...thats how it works. She said she has been propositioned a bunch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

soccermom2three said:


> My SIL, an ER nurse is having an affair with a married coworker who is guess what? An ER nurse. I had no idea that nurses were considered high risk for infidelity.


Either bs know of the affair?


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## Garry2012

Im an accountant. And I could sneak away too at lunch if I wanted....it can happen anywhwre.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three

weightlifter said:


> Either bs know of the affair?


My BIL knows, had a gut feeling 18 months ago. She told him that he had control and trust issues and to see a therapist. He did, and now finds out he was right along. She has follow the cheater's script to a TEE. Gaslighting, blamshifting, projecting, rewriting marital history. It's amazing, there really is a script. She finally admitted to being "in love" with the OM last July. She is moving out soon and getting her own apartment. 

As far as the OM's wife, we don't know. Probably not. I've tried to convince my BIL to expose, he's holding back but now he's really close.

Sorry for the threadjack, Garry.


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## soccermom2three

badcompany said:


> I've been on scene enough to see how it works. There are a bunch of women nurses and a few guys more often than not, and the pursuit is on. The guy is usually a doctor or NP, pulls in a big bankroll and can pretty much float around and tap whoever he wants to. Over the 2 years my W has worked at this place, I've seen one guy "enjoy" 3 of the nurses before he moved onto another clinic.


What is really weird about my SIL's situation is that she's the superior. OM is 40ish but just graduated nursing school in the past year. She probably makes a ton more money than him because she's not just a nurse. I don't know her exact title but she's part of the administration too. Always has meeting with the hospital CEO's and other officers.

Oh and the OM is like my height, 5'4", stocky (and that's being nice), with a fake tan. My nickname is Oompa Loompa. My BIL is over six feet, super fit and handsome, firefighter and makes six figures. Super involved husband and father. My husband and I just don't get it.


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## Garry2012

Same here...doesn't make any sense. She was always super jealous of me...so maybe with thenew guy, she wont be worried about losibg him...and since he is out of his league, will kiss butt to make her happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three

Garry2012 said:


> Same here...doesn't make any sense. She was always super jealous of me...so maybe with thenew guy, she wont be worried about losibg him...and since he is out of his league, will kiss butt to make her happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep, I think you might be on to something.


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## Garry2012

I can see the thrill of someone new too. Different.etc. but it all comes back to the same day in day old stuff that you have to manage through. When that hits again, they start all over.again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Shes in for RUDE for when her looks start fading hardcore. I remember her profile. She at ?43? is still pretty enough to have some pretty good pull... 

When does it go completely? tick tick tick tick tick


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## Garry2012

Yeah, some of those pics are from 3-4 years ago too. She will continue to have plastic surgery is my guess..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> Yeah, some of those pics are from 3-4 years ago too. She will continue to have plastic surgery is my guess..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oooooooohhhhhhh so those were pics of a 39 year old!


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## Garry2012

Yeah, at least a couple. 

Mol has been pushing the last couple of days to be one big happy family. Boy I'm not ready for that, and may never be. I want to tell her to go ef herself...but just bite my tongue. Immature I know, but I can't break bread with her and ex for how they treated me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes

badcompany said:


> Garry2012 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Obviously cant say everyone in those fields is a cheater. ..just a higher instance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> 
> I won't date/marry anyone that is in Healthcare again.
> 
> 
> 
> There's a reason so many soap-operas are in a hospital setting...
Click to expand...


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## Garry2012

Oh yeah, I dont doubt it. Like I mentioned, she has already indicated the environment to me. However, I work at a very large corporation, and im SURE it goes on here too. Just not quite as easy, nor accepted.


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## Garry2012

One would think that MOL would start to get the picture now...since X went to Tennessee with her new BF, and some how couldnt get a flight back on Sunday or Monday. So MOL is basically Mom for the last three days. Wonder if she will ever say "Gee, maybe, just maybe, my daughter came off the rails and the sob Garry might have been onto something"....just sayin lol


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## weightlifter

>"Gee, maybe, just maybe, my daughter came off the rails and the sob Garry might have been onto something"....just sayin lol <

Quoting the great philosophers Aerosmith.
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> >"Gee, maybe, just maybe, my daughter came off the rails and the sob Garry might have been onto something"....just sayin lol <
> 
> Quoting the great philosophers Aerosmith.
> Dream On
> Dream On
> Dream On
> Dream On
> Dream On
> Dream On


Aint that the truth. But its ok to dream lol.


----------



## Garry2012

So for the second time in 3-4 days, X calls me to tell me, almost word for word, what she sent me...then tells me she didnt get my reply. sure.

Anyway, she wants to "follow behind us" on halloween...since her new BF doesnt like the holiday (yes it cracks me up that it is her FAVORITE and he no likey). 

What do people usually do? alternate taking the kids? Id rather not have her following me frankly.


----------



## Ceegee

Garry2012 said:


> So for the second time in 3-4 days, X calls me to tell me, almost word for word, what she sent me...then tells me she didnt get my reply. sure.
> 
> Anyway, she wants to "follow behind us" on halloween...since her new BF doesnt like the holiday (yes it cracks me up that it is her FAVORITE and he no likey).
> 
> What do people usually do? alternate taking the kids? Id rather not have her following me frankly.


We have an arrangement where she takes them half way and I take them the rest of the way. 

It worked well last year and we are planning to do it again this year. 

Following behind doesn't sound much like participating with the kids. Sounds selfish to me.


----------



## Garry2012

No..she has almost never done anything alone with the kids...even now she uses her mother and BF to help her. Not sure she can walk them around...might be too much for her.

I agree though...i dont want her following me.


----------



## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> No..she has almost never done anything alone with the kids...even now she uses her mother and BF to help her. Not sure she can walk them around...might be too much for her.
> 
> I agree though...i dont want her following me.


LOL. Theres a pattern there.

Parks. Me
Walks Me
Outside making sure the black bears don't eat them while playing. Me
Trick or treating Me
Playing Horsey Me (One of my all time fave pics of me and my son), Playing bulldozer... Me

Part of it is physical condition I know. 
The wife and walking... Just wont go there.

I can literally walk all day at a rapid pace as long a I have comfortable shoes on. Has always been that way. Even before my kids were that age I took my nephews trick or treating. When the last one was 11 I tried to get them to do the same route I took when I was 11. Less than halfway thru. Uncle weightlifter, Can we go home? 

My last trick or treat year we covered four neighborhoods. had a dump route planned at my two friends houses. I dumped twice to lighten the load then went back to get it. Ahhhh great memories.


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> LOL. Theres a pattern there.
> 
> Parks. Me
> Walks Me
> Outside making sure the black bears don't eat them while playing. Me
> Trick or treating Me
> Playing Horsey Me (One of my all time fave pics of me and my son), Playing bulldozer... Me
> 
> Part of it is physical condition I know.
> The wife and walking... Just wont go there.
> 
> I can literally walk all day at a rapid pace as long a I have comfortable shoes on. Has always been that way. Even before my kids were that age I took my nephews trick or treating. When the last one was 11 I tried to get them to do the same route I took when I was 11. Less than halfway thru. Uncle weightlifter, Can we go home?
> 
> My last trick or treat year we covered four neighborhoods. had a dump route planned at my two friends houses. I dumped twice to lighten the load then went back to get it. Ahhhh great memories.


My kids wear out before i do too....especially my 5yo. Pattern...yeah...very much so.


----------



## Garry2012

So just got off the phone with X. She has been calling alot more to discuss VS texting. So hard to not engage, when she tells me to "act like an adult" and she is the one who is behaving like a 22yo single girl. She seemed like she just wanted to chit chat like old times...or course im short and cold, and then the attacks me for being bitter etc. ARgg...just go away! lol


----------



## weightlifter

>just go away!<

Send her a link to this:

Motley Crue - Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go) - YouTube

Wear asbestos underwear.

For extra fun DL with YTD strip out the video with VLC send as attachment.

Uh single... what happened to BF?


----------



## Garry2012

I heard through my kids that her BF doesnt like or celebrate the holiday.....which her favorite haha. 

BTW love your pic...looks like the one i got the life altering VAR!


----------



## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> I heard through my kids that her BF doesnt like or celebrate the holiday.....which her favorite haha.
> 
> BTW love your pic...looks like the one i got the life altering VAR!


LOL I reference it in my standard VAR instructions since I guess I am now official VAR goon. "My avatar IS a Sony ICDPX312!"

scratch head trying to remember what you heard in the VAR. Gotta go back and read... Got some post numbers for less searching?

Next time she wants to talk just start quietly singing.

Girl dont go away mad,
girl just go away!


----------



## Garry2012

Didnt hear the smoking gun language like " i love you" etc, but she did say essentially that she wasnt going to MC because he was in her head etc.

So we did the trick or treating...I let her follow/participate. Somewhat awkward..but worked ok. She wanted to talk several times, chit chat about the kids etc...i listened but didn engage or encourage. Only sad part was my son said "look you two are getting along" all excited...like he can see us getting back together.

overall it went well though.


----------



## weightlifter

Kids wore out long before I did. Odd I covered more than they did at a younger age.

"Dad can we go home?"

AYFKM? (No not really)


----------



## Garry2012

lol. So, never being a halfway guy, i struggle with the smooth co-parenting thing. I still loathe both X and her mother, but since I have long since stopped attacking or bringing up the past, they both seem to want to rugsweep the last year and all be big pals. Without telling them to go to H3ll, i just shut my mouth and let it all go by...keeping the peace.


----------



## rebuilding72

Goodluck to you Garry- just remember, Life Is A Canvas, PAINT IT!!!

Don't let your ex have control over your happiness- time to move on and be happy and that doesn't necessary mean with another woman, just be happy!!!


----------



## Garry2012

Oh no, she has no control anymore. I am just beginning the painting process.....but so far so good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DADX2

LostViking said:


> Good luck to you Gary. It is heartbreaking to move on from a failed marriage, but I think you will find that each day gets progressively better as you detach more and more from the person who hurt you.
> 
> I think your ex-wife is heading for a fall down the road. Once her hormones level out, the wrinkles take over her face, the fake tits start to sag again, and she realizes that her new perfect man farts and stinks and snores just like any other man, she will look back and realize that she threw out the baby with the bathwater.
> 
> But by the time that happens you will have moved on and traded up for a better woman.
> 
> Take care of yourself, stay healthy, love your kids and be the best dad you can be. Your kids are savvy and they know the score. Their respect for their mother will degrade over time as they themselves learn more about life and go through their own relationships and hurts.


I am in the same boat paddling next to you. Our stories are identical except im 33 she is 32. She was a great stepmom to my kids and intends to stay on their radar but we will see. She uttered the words midlife crisis a few weeks back before we split. Now she "found her happiness and self" since I took it away being co dependent. Time to write a new book my friend, im doing the same and cant wait for 2014 and be me and fix my issues who looks back and regrets will thats their problem.


----------



## Garry2012

Yeah. Overall my biggest concern is I dont see what I did wrong. Too Beta is all i have so far. I need to read alot. At least MAYBE she knows it a MLC. I told mine over and over again, but she thought I was just calling her crazy, so she took it as an insult. To me, its a classic case...and she will have HUGE regrets. Its ok, I am already seeing someone, and its going well...slow, but well. Leanring to deal with the ex, and her mother, is my struggle...staying civil, but not letting them think we are buddies and that I am helping them rugsweep everything is where I need help now.


----------



## Garry2012

So, obviously I need to read more. I am seeing a woman, have been for 3 weeks or so. She is taking is slow, seems like, but also seems to really like me. I like her alot too. One thing I have noticed, is that I was initiating most of the texts, and sometimes, she would not even respond.

So, last week I didnt text her at all. Friday she finally texted me, I was busy, and not in a rush to respond, so I texted back Sat night. Well, she seemed worried that maybe I didnt miss her, and told me about 6 times that she missed me. I told her I missed her, but I still played it cool, as if to say, hey, if you wanna stop cmmunicating, fine. She is very independent, which is fine, and I dont want to be this needy, have to know what your doing 24/7 kinda guy. So I am letting us have space. Good to keep her on her toes i suppose.


----------



## weightlifter

Females are anyones guess. YOU of anyone should know that. You can only go by averages. 

I mean how long was it for you from the last I wanna love you forever to wanting space then a divorce? IIRC wasn't yours especially strong on both ends meaning she was super committed lovey dovey at point X and gone by point Y where the time distance is rather short?


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> Females are anyones guess. YOU of anyone should know that. You can only go by averages.
> 
> I mean how long was it for you from the last I wanna love you forever to wanting space then a divorce? IIRC wasn't yours especially strong on both ends meaning she was super committed lovey dovey at point X and gone by point Y where the time distance is rather short?


Yeah...and still has me shaking my head. Lots of love and affection/ i love yous, etc the prior two years, as she was slowly decending into the MLC abyss. Cried at my dad funeral in Nov 11, and told me "if anything ever happened to you, I would have to sell the house", why i asked "because it would be too painful to live here and not have you come home everyday."

By July 2012, she wanted space (and actually started pulling away in May). By October she was ok with divorce...so in 10 months. Granted, I think she was fighting the MLC since 2010..best i can tell...but when it hit, she dropped like a rock.


----------



## Garry2012

I may actually pick up MMSL and 5 languages on the way home today...i need to be more educated on this stuff.


----------



## Garry2012

So, X has asked for her Xmas ornaments. I told her I would think about it. For the last 6 months, I have asked for at least some of the kids toys back, and she has told me basically to go ef myself. So yeah, i find it pretty ballsy to now ask me for something and just expect it. Now, I dont really care for the ornaments...they are very girly, and I dont want to fight anymore frankly. But, I would be willing to "trade" with her for a few things I want back, and for the principle of the thing moreover. Thoughts? I suppose the high road is to just give them to her, but that is hard to do.


----------



## weightlifter

Trade sounds good.

Put a var in one.

Just kidding!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I totally think a trade is appropriate. You get more with sugar so "remind" her that you requested some stuff and tell her you'll meet her to exchange boxes of stuff.


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> Trade sounds good.
> 
> Put a var in one.
> 
> Just kidding!


lol....no im good...I dont want to go through any VARs anymore in this life.

They have started giving me clothes in the last week....the crappy ones, but I am wondering if they are either tiring of packing all the time, or are trying to butter me up for the ornaments.


----------



## Garry2012

So....had a good thanksgiving with the kids. They didnt mind not going to Houston (the traditional thanksgiving with their mothers family), which i worried would bother them. I would have let them go the weekend prior, but apparently their mother didnt go either...first time in at least 17 years..maybe ever. 

I made all the food, and actually, the meal was great, the desserts came out good, but need a little practice to make perfect.


----------



## weightlifter

LOL better cook than the ex mrs?


----------



## Garry2012

No, she had a lifetime of training. But I do certainly out work her. She was always too tired, it was too much of a hassle etc. She certainly would not make a whole thanksgiving dinner by herself....heck, she doesnt even take them anywhere hardly by herself still.

It is sad that when they are with me, they text their grandmother only.....never their mother. She has assumed the role of mother, and the kids I think have a better bond with her than with their own mother. But, not my problem.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> So....had a good thanksgiving with the kids. They didnt mind not going to Houston (the traditional thanksgiving with their mothers family), which i worried would bother them. I would have let them go the weekend prior, but apparently their mother didnt go either...first time in at least 17 years..maybe ever.
> 
> I made all the food, and actually, the meal was great, the desserts came out good, but need a little practice to make perfect.


Lovely to hear that your thanksgiving was good Garry.


----------



## Garry2012

well, i was concerned that my kids would not handle having turkey day with just me...when they have gone to houston and their other family since they were all born. But they handled it just fine...not one complaint...which was very good. Now if we can get through xmas the same.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> well, i was concerned that my kids would not handle having turkey day with just me...when they have gone to houston and their other family since they were all born. But they handled it just fine...not one complaint...which was very good. Now if we can get through xmas the same.


What did ur family do for XMas before? What r u doing this year?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Well, we stayed home, but both mother and father would share in the fun...with the inlaws coming in and spending a week etc. She has them this year, and my oldest wants me to visit his mothers house on xmas morning. Yeah, not going o happen...heck, her BF will I get them on the 28th until the 6th of jan.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> Well, we stayed home, but both mother and father would share in the fun...with the inlaws coming in and spending a week etc. She has them this year, and my oldest wants me to visit his mothers house on xmas morning. Yeah, not going o happen...heck, her BF will I get them on the 28th until the 6th of jan.


Wow! Well, from what I know about your ex, Xmas might be indeed tough. Hang in there. Maybe it wont be as bad. I have a friend who says that thinking positive brings positive into your life. Maybe it wont be that bad. Thanksgiving turned out better than you thought. I hope xmas turns out to be the same.


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## weightlifter

Hang tough bro.


----------



## Garry2012

I think we will be ok. 

One thing through this process, I def dont take the time with my kids for granted anymore. I do all i can for them. I am learning to bake (make 3 cakes lately- and cookies), I am learning to cook, I try to be available as much as possible for play time, though my house duties (laudry, cleaning etc) take a significant amount of time. I am very motivated to NOT lay down and be lazy, uninvolved father. Though we already had a close relationship, it seems like they are even more loving these days. My oldest asks for hugs, and we exchange " i love you" all the time...and the little ones this weekend made me cards for no reason. 

Its odd, I am just so driven to have a nice home for them, so i RARELY sit down and relax...a few minutes in the morning..and maybe before bed...but that is usualy it....and I dont get tired.


----------



## weightlifter

LOL methinks your ex was an energy vampire.


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> LOL methinks your ex was an energy vampire.


It is rather odd. Maybe because I am in full control, or i know that if i dont do whatever it is, it wont get done. But i am so high energy now...and alot of times have trouble sleeping too lol.


----------



## weightlifter

I find the sleep one happening. Woke up after 2.75 hours of sleep. While im abit tired its nothing overwhelming.


----------



## manticore

Garry2012 said:


> So, obviously I need to read more. I am seeing a woman, have been for 3 weeks or so. She is taking is slow, seems like, but also seems to really like me. I like her alot too. One thing I have noticed, is that I was initiating most of the texts, and sometimes, she would not even respond.
> 
> So, last week I didnt text her at all. Friday she finally texted me, I was busy, and not in a rush to respond, so I texted back Sat night. Well, she seemed worried that maybe I didnt miss her, and told me about 6 times that she missed me. I told her I missed her, but I still played it cool, as if to say, hey, if you wanna stop cmmunicating, fine. She is very independent, which is fine, and I dont want to be this needy, have to know what your doing 24/7 kinda guy. So I am letting us have space. Good to keep her on her toes i suppose.


I don't know id you are still dating this lady but she is playing hard to get.

she probably likes you alot but it seems she have the script of "making yourself more interesting" memorized, which includes what you just wrote.

- never make the first move, let him make the approach.
- don't answer inmediatly his texts.
- sometimes ignore his texts or answer the next day.
- let the phone ring sometimes before answering. 
- don't be 100% available.

the more bold ones will also cancel dates or reeschedule for other days.

of course there is a fine line between "difficult to get" and "indiference" so she probably thought she crossed it when you stoped texting her and ignored her text for one day, so she showed her real feelings, lol.

not that I don't understand them, we are really jerks sometimes so they have to protect themselves until they know or real intentions, and more if it come to a man they really like, they don't want ot end being just a FWB.


----------



## Garry2012

Yeah...thats her alright. I think she does really like me....but I really dont like games like this...so.at.some.point.we will discuss....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

well..guess no need to wait. She texted me last night, almost incoherent. She is furious, apparently, at not seeing me enough. I saw her last week, and have had my kids almost every day since. But, she didnt want to hear any of that..so...looks like we are done. She wouldnt discuss AT ALL, and just kept attacking me, even though i was very diplomatic etc. All she had to say was, "hey, havent seen much of you etc, can we look at improving that?" But instead, she just tells me that i am using her...etc etc etc. 

She has an 18yo son, but he is only part time there...so maybe she has forgot the parenting responsibilities. It is hard for me, trying to balance kids half the time, a girlfriend, and actually having a night to relax is a difficult challenge that I need to work on.


----------



## weightlifter

Uh what. 

The EX wife WHO FIRED YOU as husband lover friend etc is whining she does not get to see you?!?

Isnt that in the job description of her boyfriend. You know the one who gets vajayjay treatments?!

Er what am i missing?


----------



## Garry2012

No..lol...this was the girlfriend lol.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Oh ok. Lol. My bad. In my context it was a wtf moment.


----------



## LostViking

The girlfriend definitely has baggage. I would gently end it with her if she calls again. Move on. There are plenty more women out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RP49D22

LostViking said:


> Good luck to you Gary. It is heartbreaking to move on from a failed marriage, but I think you will find that each day gets progressively better as you detach more and more from the person who hurt you.
> 
> I think your ex-wife is heading for a fall down the road. Once her hormones level out, the wrinkles take over her face, the fake tits start to sag again, and she realizes that her new perfect man farts and stinks and snores just like any other man, she will look back and realize that she threw out the baby with the bathwater.
> 
> But by the time that happens you will have moved on and traded up for a better woman.
> 
> Take care of yourself, stay healthy, love your kids and be the best dad you can be. Your kids are savvy and they know the score. Their respect for their mother will degrade over time as they themselves learn more about life and go through their own relationships and hurts.


Well stated and this is exactly what is slowly becoming of my ex-wife.......in fact as part of her spiral she is sitting in jail this weekend doing 48 hours for a DUI. Two short years ago she was a normal (seemingly) suburban mother of three and wife.


----------



## LostViking

RP49D22 said:


> Well stated and this is exactly what is slowly becoming of my ex-wife.......in fact as part of her spiral she is sitting in jail this weekend doing 48 hours for a DUI. Two short years ago she was a normal (seemingly) suburban mother of three and wife.


God that is so sad. I'm so sorry for you friend. It has to be heartbreaking to see someone you once shared a life with flushing her future down the drain. 

I simply do not understand this Cougar Movement and why normal middle aged women are jumping off the MLC cliff by the droves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

Amazes me how rampant it is. I.cant date a woman who has done that..I just move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> I think we will be ok.
> 
> One thing through this process, I def dont take the time with my kids for granted anymore. I do all i can for them. I am learning to bake (make 3 cakes lately- and cookies), I am learning to cook, I try to be available as much as possible for play time, though my house duties (laudry, cleaning etc) take a significant amount of time. I am very motivated to NOT lay down and be lazy, uninvolved father. Though we already had a close relationship, it seems like they are even more loving these days. My oldest asks for hugs, and we exchange " i love you" all the time...and the little ones this weekend made me cards for no reason.
> 
> Its odd, I am just so driven to have a nice home for them, so i RARELY sit down and relax...a few minutes in the morning..and maybe before bed...but that is usualy it....and I dont get tired.


Wow Garry, sounds great. Your kids are lucky to have you.


----------



## Garry2012

RP49D22 said:


> Well stated and this is exactly what is slowly becoming of my ex-wife.......in fact as part of her spiral she is sitting in jail this weekend doing 48 hours for a DUI. Two short years ago she was a normal (seemingly) suburban mother of three and wife.


Hard to imagine mine will...but we will see..she too was a SAHM of three living the dream...then decided she wanted a completely different life.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry, just curious, since your last post about the woman you were dating, didn't sound very promising. Are you still dating her? Did you resolve the issues you were having?


----------



## Garry2012

No, I havent had any contact with her. Not sure what I want to do with her. We were going well, got along well etc...and then out of nowhere she just text attacked me. It was in part incoherent, so I was wondering if I would get a text a day later to say she was at a bar or something and she was sorry. But so far nothing. I was thinking she didnt have many issues, but her communication style leaves alot to be desired in this instance. Her big issue was that she felt like she was being used because I havent seen her alot lately. Well, I have had my kids ALOT in the last 3 weeks. It could have been an easy discussion...but she went off the edge.

I have a date with another woman tomorrow


----------



## happyman64

> I have a date with another woman tomorrow


Good for you Garry. You are learning.

I caught up on your post and admire your qualities.

Kids first.

Find a woman who loves you for all your great qualities including your kids.

HM


----------



## weightlifter

/emote Age 14 hat on.

So did ya get some?

Merry Christmas dude.


----------



## Garry2012

No...new woman was not a match....the search goes on.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone on here..heres to a better 2014....3 rough years in a row....im due for a good one! Lol


----------



## weightlifter

Merry Christmas Garry. Hoping you find that girlfriend and get to do the I love you fvck each others brains out holidays next year.


----------



## Paradise

Garry2012 said:


> No...new woman was not a match....the search goes on.
> 
> Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone on here..heres to a better 2014....3 rough years in a row....im due for a good one! Lol


I think we have shared the last three years!!! Holy crap, 2014 better be freaking awesome!!!


----------



## KnottedStomach

Hello Garry. Merry X-Mas. How did it go at home?


----------



## Garry2012

Merry Christmas. It was ok, I stayed busy smoking a turkey and wrapped presents. Tried not to think about it. Got several texts from friends, watched a clue movies, and even went to see the kids very briefly. 

How was your Christmas/Holiday?


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> Merry Christmas. It was ok, I stayed busy smoking a turkey and wrapped presents. Tried not to think about it. Got several texts from friends, watched a clue movies, and even went to see the kids very briefly.
> 
> How was your Christmas/Holiday?


It was a good day. That's all I can really say about it. Spent some time with family and went to the movies with a friend. It was a good day.

The day after however, not so good.


----------



## Garry2012

thought I would post an update. My holidays with the kids went well. We celebrated Christmas on the 28th, and acted as though it was the real deal. The day went very well. My contact with X is minimal...a text about the kids here and there. 

I opened a match.com account, and have 3 dates lined up this week, and another couple I will probably have to push to next week. AND the GF that "broke up" with me a couple weeks ago texted me saying that she misses me and wants to be "friends". Well, we will see how that goes. 

anyway...thought I would update....Happy New Year TAMers!!!!


----------



## Conrad

Garry2012 said:


> thought I would post an update. My holidays with the kids went well. We celebrated Christmas on the 28th, and acted as though it was the real deal. The day went very well. My contact with X is minimal...a text about the kids here and there.
> 
> I opened a match.com account, and have 3 dates lined up this week, and another couple I will probably have to push to next week. AND the GF that "broke up" with me a couple weeks ago texted me saying that she misses me and wants to be "friends". Well, we will see how that goes.
> 
> anyway...thought I would update....Happy New Year TAMers!!!!


Do you really need a friend like her?


----------



## weightlifter

So did they contact studly you or did you do the letter writing campaign?


----------



## Garry2012

Not trying to be studly....but it is nice to get some attention. IM sure I contaced them lol.


----------



## Garry2012

Conrad said:


> Do you really need a friend like her?


True..its a HUGE red flag....but I did think we got along well....its a proceed with caution situation to me.


----------



## weightlifter

How goes it dude? Been 3ish weeks.


----------



## Garry2012

Hey there....im good. I work in finance and January/February is REALLY busy for me. All has been good. My oldest son seems to be regressing some..as he wants to be with me all the time now. So I can see him living with me full time at some point. 

I havent been able to take my kids as much as usual...so its been hard for them and me. On my days I have been picking them up at like 7pm.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> Hey there....im good. I work in finance and January/February is REALLY busy for me. All has been good. My oldest son seems to be regressing some..as he wants to be with me all the time now. So I can see him living with me full time at some point.
> 
> I havent been able to take my kids as much as usual...so its been hard for them and me. On my days I have been picking them up at like 7pm.


Hi Garry. January/February will be gone before you know it. Hopefully you will be able to see your kids more soon.

Are you okay if you had to take your children full time?


----------



## Garry2012

KnottedStomach said:


> Hi Garry. January/February will be gone before you know it. Hopefully you will be able to see your kids more soon.
> 
> Are you okay if you had to take your children full time?


Oh yeah, i would love to have my kids full time, and I truly belive they would be better off, because i provide a more stable environment. I want their mother to be in their life, and I know they need her, but she seems to work too much, and has never really been focused on them. They get more attention from their grandmother, but that just isnt the same...which is why they are SO excited when they come with me, and are vocally dissapointed when they have to go back.

My younger son's 10th birthday is Monday, she will be out of town with her boyfriend in Nashville...where she has gone 3-4 times already with him according to the kids. So, not like she HAD to go. Leaving her mother to take care of the kids while she is gone. I will celebrate his birthday on Sunday and Monday AM while I have him. 

Lately, she has been griping (and the kids say that MOL is complaining too) that i have them "more than she does". X just figured out that i have them on the 5th and 1st weekends...and not everyother weekend...lol..only been 7 months, i guess actually reading the decree was too much..she got her child support...didnt need to know anything else.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> Oh yeah, i would love to have my kids full time, and I truly belive they would be better off, because i provide a more stable environment. I want their mother to be in their life, and I know they need her, but she seems to work too much, and has never really been focused on them. They get more attention from their grandmother, but that just isnt the same...which is why they are SO excited when they come with me, and are vocally dissapointed when they have to go back.
> 
> My younger son's 10th birthday is Monday, she will be out of town with her boyfriend in Nashville...where she has gone 3-4 times already with him according to the kids. So, not like she HAD to go. Leaving her mother to take care of the kids while she is gone. I will celebrate his birthday on Sunday and Monday AM while I have him.
> 
> Lately, she has been griping (and the kids say that MOL is complaining too) that i have them "more than she does". X just figured out that i have them on the 5th and 1st weekends...and not everyother weekend...lol..only been 7 months, i guess actually reading the decree was too much..she got her child support...didnt need to know anything else.


If it's better for your kids then I hope you get them full time. Sounds like they would be happier.

If your ex-wife doesn't pay attention to them as much, why does she want them to live with her?


----------



## Garry2012

I want them to have their mother in their lives...but looks like they are with their grandmother most of the time...which isnt as good. I think she has been conflicted for a few years about them....she used to REALLY want to be a mom....but when then mlc hit...they got in the way of her freedom. She also knows how much her family expects her to be a mother. She loves them....but is too lazy to really do stuff with them.

Just had my second conversation in two weeks with her.....she STILL doesnt u derstand the decree or child visitation schedule. Wow....lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KnottedStomach

Garry2012 said:


> I want them to have their mother in their lives...but looks like they are with their grandmother most of the time...which isnt as good. I think she has been conflicted for a few years about them....she used to REALLY want to be a mom....but when then mlc hit...they got in the way of her freedom. She also knows how much her family expects her to be a mother. She loves them....but is too lazy to really do stuff with them.
> 
> Just had my second conversation in two weeks with her.....she STILL doesnt u derstand the decree or child visitation schedule. Wow....lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well sometimes, I think anyways, if you are apart from your parents you can have better relationships with them. Maybe if she didn't have them full time she could be a better mother to them.

Wow on the child visitation schedule. Maybe she doesn't want to understand it, and instead just wants what she wants.


----------



## Garry2012

She is too lazy to actually read it. ..so she relies on me. I guess I should just make up stuff and see if she catches it....force her to read it.lol

She is ok mother....just doesnt want to really do anything with/ for them. She used to gripe when we went to the lake or the zoo....because it wasnt where she would prefer to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> She is too lazy to actually read it. ..so she relies on me. I guess I should just make up stuff and see if she catches it....force her to read it.lol
> 
> She is ok mother....just doesnt want to really do anything with/ for them. She used to gripe when we went to the lake or the zoo....because it wasnt where she would prefer to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aint it funny?

Parks 90% me
Walking the neighborhood with kids 85% me
initiating family days 98% me.
Plain outside time. 90% me.


----------



## Garry2012

She did go to the pool with them....but that was to show off her new big boobs and work on her tan....so it was more about her than the kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

So for the third time this week, I had to tell her I have the kids this week. Starting to think she has a disability.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

Garry2012 said:


> So for the third time this week, I had to tell her I have the kids this week. Starting to think she has a disability.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:slap::banghead:


----------



## weightlifter

laziness is NOT a disability. Let me guess. You did almost all the driving, necessary phone calls, arranging, logistics, maybe even grocery shopping and/or bargain finding.


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## Garry2012

Yeah pretty much....except grocery shopping. I basically ran her life because she didnt want to....but then I became a "control freak" haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Garry2012 said:


> Yeah pretty much....except grocery shopping. I basically ran her life because she didnt want to....but then I became a "control freak" haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Parent/child relationship and she resented you for it.


----------



## Garry2012

Yeah...I have always been really close to the kids...I can definitely see that.


----------



## Ceegee

Garry2012 said:


> Yeah...I have always been really close to the kids...I can definitely see that.



I was referring to you as the parent and her as the child.


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## Garry2012

Well, probably also true but she seeks out people to run her life as she is not independent enough to run it herself.


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## Garry2012

Ex MOL texted me to say how sorry she was and that she always loved me and wishes the best for me......so hard not to say...yeah....fu....haha


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## weightlifter

er HUH? Isnt this the MOL that went all uber nasty on you?

Maybe her daughter burned her own bridges?


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## tom67

Garry2012 said:


> Ex MOL texted me to say how sorry she was and that she always loved me and wishes the best for me......so hard not to say...yeah....fu....haha



It's good that she realizes finally what's going on here.
I'm surprised she even said that oh well sux to be her daughter's babysitter.
:lol:


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## Garry2012

I dunno what her deal is...and frankly don't really care. I am certainly not falling for that crap though. Sure lets all hold hands and sing together now....so not. It was funny...I didn't engage her comment, I just said: I respectfully will not comment on your "love, respect and best wishes" comment. I beat my head against that wall all last year....I don't need to go back to that. But I wont accept any sort of apology at this point....GTH. haha.


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## Garry2012

So, today I actually had to look at X because she took our son to the mother/son dance" (something im pretty sure she would NEVER had done normally, but because i did the Father/daughter dance..she prob wanted to show the world what a "great" mother she is. Anyway, I took a picture of them (she did for me) and the thing i noticed the most...yep...she must have put on 15-20 lbs. LOL. When she was working on all her FB, and social group stuff, she was def on the slim/fit side, which i knew was a flash, because she could NEVER keep it up. Now she isnt way overweight, but she has slipped right back into her old ways---i would say she hasnt been like this in 3-4 years. Not a big deal...but yeah, i have been giggling about it for hours!!!


----------



## happyman64

You will be giggling again when you see how much time she spends on photoshop instead of her social media cropping her pictures to look slimmer!!!


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## Garry2012

So true. Which means, soon she will be telling bf that she is "depressed" and doesnt feel good about herself haha. Wait until she realizes how much she traded down for her freedom.. lol. She doesnt do well when she thinks she is "curvy" and no longer "fit" ....the insecurity eats her up Best part.....no longer my problem. ...whohoo!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Giggling aside, I did see her differently. Maybe in part due to the rose colored glasses being gone, and in part becasue she did not look like the cougar that left....just a middle aged woman. She has tried it seems to bait me into arguments, even today, but its so much easier to either ignore, or to remain calm. Maybe it also helps I have a hot date tonight and another on Friday..haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Doesnt she have a fiance or something?


----------



## Garry2012

X has a steady Bf of at least 6 months or so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Wonder if she is getting the "sold goods" mentality.

Also wonder if he simply tolerates having EAs with various uniformed city personnel.


----------



## Garry2012

Oh, I'm sure she has continued to paint me as the jealous monster...no doubt. I'm sure he doesnt know about her first husband either lol. Heck, SHE doesn't even think what she did was wrong as far as I know, so she sure wouldnt convey that to him. If I were her, I would just say we grew apart or some other vague "i dont care to go into details" reason. If he has a brain, he will see that as a cover up, and eventually did deeper to try to get at the real reasons. Whatever, Ill let them figure it out. 
AND she tried to pick a fight with me again this AM....it is WONDERFUL to let it slide....and not give her the out of fighting with me...let her fight with her BF. haha


----------



## Garry2012

So at my sons soccer game, X asks to sit next to me....think I replied with something like "you can sit anywhere you want". Then she wants to chit chat.....asking about the dogs etc. She HAS to know I cant stand her....doesn't she? Lol. My feelings are a mix of annoyed, humored, but mostly amazed that after everything she did....that she just expects us to talk like old times....insert chuckle and head shake here....


Edited Mon AM....she jumps on me for not paying CS...which i tell her i did pay it, and that i fulfilled my responsibility...i.e. she needs to figure out her bank etc. After she checks...she confirms i did my part...and actually apologizes for "jumping to conclusions". I havent heard her apologize for anything in 18 months....not the affair, not the divorce, nada. Once again...insert chuckle and head shake again. lol

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Apologizes?
Boyfriends peen shrink?


----------



## Garry2012

Struck me as odd....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Am i smelling problems for her lil relationship all the way into the northeast?

Things that make me say hmmmmm.


----------



## Garry2012

Never know......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Update: Tonight X comes by to pick something up...wants to 
talk. She tells me that she wouldnt reconcile with me because she found the VAR. How dare I record her. But, SHE FORIVES me for doing that. Granted I didnt handle it well, and told her to GTFO several times. But I did ask her, wait, YOU forgive me because YOU got caught cheating?!?!?!?REally? Then i had to explain to her about EA being real etc, but followed up with just another GTFO. She ended up telling me that "she loves me and will always love me and cares about what happens to me" I told her, "and i mean this from the bottom of my heart, I would rather die alone in the street than to ask you for help" and shut the door. Not handled the best I know...but her forgiving me for her affair kinda rubbed me wrong.


----------



## zillard

Garry2012 said:


> but her forgiving me for her affair kinda rubbed me wrong.


Completely natural. 

My X recently admitted more than previously disclosed. You'd think that would be good, but it instantly set me back to DDay mode.


----------



## weightlifter

She found the VAR recently?


----------



## Garry2012

No, she found it back then. I figured she might have. The more I think of the conversation, the more I think it was her taking a very small step out of the fog....but boy it highlights how effed up she is. She isnt sorry for the affair...But forgives me for catching her lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantdecide

Your situation and mine seem almost identical. My ex is still in denial too. Actually told me several months ago that she did NOT have an affair even though at one time she admitted in great detail how she had slept with him.

Just ignore her. Drives them nuts when you don't give them the attention they think they deserve.


----------



## Garry2012

cantdecide said:


> Your situation and mine seem almost identical. My ex is still in denial too. Actually told me several months ago that she did NOT have an affair even though at one time she admitted in great detail how she had slept with him.
> 
> Just ignore her. Drives them nuts when you don't give them the attention they think they deserve.


Exactly. ..which is why I didnt want to give her the time for her " I need to get this off my chest" session. I ignore her everytime she tries to bait me into an arguement too....let her fight with her new man...I really don't care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

So today, I got a text from "X"...." I am sorry for my part in our marriage falling apart and sorry for hurting you. I know you hate me but there is nothing I can do about that."

I have not responded....and not sure I care to frankly. Its way too little way too late.I am so not ready to make nice and almost told her what I heard so many time: "leave me alone". But I dont even want to engage her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

Give her what she deserves Garry.

Nothing.....


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## BashfulB

Walk away from her utterly. Ignore her utterly. Like my ex-wife she will be weighed in the balance and be found lacking. 

You move on with your life.


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## Decorum

Garry2012 said:


> I know you hate me


I have caught fish on a bear hook by jiggling it in the shallows. 
Ok they were little bluegills. I never thought very highly of the little ones that took a bare hook, I just used them to catch bigger fish, Hummm catfish filets!

Here is the hook, “only bad people hate” so you are supposed to say “Oh I don’t hate you”.

Creepy.


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## Garry2012

Decorum said:


> I have caught fish on a bear hook by jiggling it in the shallows.
> Ok they were little bluegills. I never thought very highly of the little ones that took a bare hook, I just used them to catch bigger fish, Hummm catfish filets!
> 
> Here is the hook, “only bad people hate” so you are supposed to say “Oh I don’t hate you”.
> 
> Creepy.


I think it just really bothers her that I dont engage her, and have such hard feelings about the whole thing, Who knows--but seems to bother her that i despise her. Its odd, I wondered if she would ever be sorry...ever regret what she did. I think it is starting to hit home finally. I wanted this day SO badly for a pretty long time. Now, it just seems so hollow and useless. I dont care...dont care to engage her..humor her by talking about our "relationship" etc.


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## happyman64

Even though it feels hollow and you no longer care do your WExW a favor.

Continue to hold her accountable.

Maybe, just maybe, she will become a better person, woman and mother from this lousy life experience.

HM


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## Garry2012

happyman64 said:


> Even though it feels hollow and you no longer care do your WExW a favor.
> 
> Continue to hold her accountable.
> 
> Maybe, just maybe, she will become a better person, woman and mother from this lousy life experience.
> 
> HM


Yeah...I know. She still hasnt taken the level of responsibility that I am looking for. She still refuses to acknowledge that she had an affair, and that it was a major part of her walking away. She seems to be snapping out of the fog somewhat i suppose...so maybe she will start working on being a better person....


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## weightlifter

Hypothetical:

"Garry, here is a timeline of exactly what happened... blah blah. it got to the makeout stage in the firehouse on a dare but he squeezed my boob and I got scared and that is why he disappeared... blah blah [story makes sense from what you have]. Now, can we be polite acquaintances for the kids sake?"

Your response?
Its uncommon but has happened.


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## Garry2012

I think she would love to be best friends. I will do my best to coparent with her...thats the best I can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Decorum

Garry2012 said:


> I think it just really bothers her that I dont engage her, and have such hard feelings about the whole thing, Who knows--but seems to bother her that i despise her. Its odd, I wondered if she would ever be sorry...ever regret what she did. I think it is starting to hit home finally. I wanted this day SO badly for a pretty long time. Now, it just seems so hollow and useless. I dont care...dont care to engage her..humor her by talking about our "relationship" etc.


That makes sense. I know in my circles there are people I do not like or respect, I don't think I am rude but I don't pretend well either.

I try to be objective enough to say the emperor has no clothes when I see it.

Its amazing what you can say if you speak the simple truth in a non judgmental, non-reactive manner.

It can even be amusing.

Anyway I like the way you think. Take care!


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## johnO77

Good morning Gary, I've read through the 15 pages of your story and I must say I'm deeply inspired. I have never gone through a divorce but I've see my parents do it and I could see that it wasn't easy. Your story has started to easy my issues I have in life (I won't hijack your thread) and I'm positive it has also tended to the Hearts of others going through the same predicament. 

Any more news on the MOL (mother inlaw right?) sorry I don't know most of the acronyms....EA SAHM etc etc...


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## johnO77

Also I'm new to TAM! Hoping to meet a lot of new people on here!


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## Garry2012

johnO77 said:


> Good morning Gary, I've read through the 15 pages of your story and I must say I'm deeply inspired. I have never gone through a divorce but I've see my parents do it and I could see that it wasn't easy. Your story has started to easy my issues I have in life (I won't hijack your thread) and I'm positive it has also tended to the Hearts of others going through the same predicament.
> 
> Any more news on the MOL (mother inlaw right?) sorry I don't know most of the acronyms....EA SAHM etc etc...


Glad it helps. Sorry that this same story seems to be played out over and over on TAM with just some minor variations. It isnt easy...not for any of us. This AM was one of those mornings, with the Easter holiday upon us, that i reflect how it used to be...a nice family holiday with a trip to her family for the big dinner, the long 3 hour drive with the kids etc. Instead, I will be doing all the Easter prep and making dinner etc. But I digress.

MOL is not a common acronym...its Mother-Out Law- not "in". Nothing since she texted that she respected and always loved me etc....like mother like daughter. Yet, I have heard that she has been bashing me to her family to continue to cover up for he daughter. In fact an aunt who was seemingly supportive of me, has dropped me as a friend on facebook...i am assuming because i am so evil---making me rethink having any of them as "friends" on FB at all frankly.


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## weightlifter

Bah people here will make better FB friends.

Blood is thicker than you. Even ashamed parents loyalty will always be to their progeny.


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## johnO77

so I'm assuming being two faced runs on her part of the fams?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Apparently lol. Troubling times reveal true friends .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnO77

Very true, I'm actually in the same boat as you..just in reverse. The wonderful gal I'm dating has a little girl, and I'm playing the role of the evil "stepdad". The advice I can give you from the other side is to not look at as if the new guy is moving in and trying to steal your chili..but on a positive note..honestly if I were you I would meet the guy, it's your right to meet the guy that's going to be spending a lot of time with the kids. Obviously you can't control who she decides to be with, but you can get a feel on the guy..make sure he's good peoples. 

Good luck with everything, it looks like you're heading in the right direction. Oh! And don't look for a girl who can cook a mean lasagna...a women who can fire up a grill and cook an animal is always top choice!


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## Garry2012

Yeah...I did struggle with the new guy taking my place...alot. I had got used to that, but since she is coming around with apologies and "li love yous"im thinking she is done with him perhaps. At some pont I agree but need to meet them...but doesnt matter if they are good or not..have zero say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Unless criminal. Do your due diligence.


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## Garry2012

I check with the kids, or did, to make sure he was a decent guy. Havent asked lately...havent seen him with her etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnO77

Hey Gary, how was your Easter? Get to spend time with the kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Hi John. Yes, actually I had them all weekend. It was good....smoked a ham and had the big easter dinner, baked cookies and played LOTS of kickball. How was your weekend?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## johnO77

That's good to hear! Any luck in the dating scene? Mine was good, spent it with my GF and her family! Things are starting to shape up between her and I.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

cantdecide said:


> Just ignore her. Drives them nuts when you don't give them the attention they think they deserve.


Today i get a text again "Did my apoogy not matter to you at all?"

Pressed the "ignore" button again...lol


----------



## Garry2012

johnO77 said:


> That's good to hear! Any luck in the dating scene? Mine was good, spent it with my GF and her family! Things are starting to shape up between her and I.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Been talking to 3-4. One was amazing gorgeous....zero personality....seemed pissed off all the time...One is pretty, smart..not too talkative...still talking to her. Another from a couple days ago seems nice and pretty..but today has been very quiet....we will see. One just wants to be fwb. lol

I have seen potential in a couple..but thent they just stop talking to me.Too many kids, not long after my divorce...i dunno. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming haha


----------



## caladan

Honestly, you need to get past hatred and bitterness. You just have to. It's not you being yourself, it's you reacting to her. Move on, claim your mind. This divorce is too much on your mind at the moment, you probably shouldn't date just yet. Look for a FWB perhaps.

One more thing - the text to her mom was piss poor. Once is understandable, a mistake perhaps, but you must never EVER send that sort of text again. You've got kids haven't you? You obviously love them. It's difficult, as a parent, to take sides against your child. In this scenario as well, you have no idea what your ex told her mom. 

Your ex and her mom are playing you bro, and you're going along with them quite docilely. Some of these conversations will be documented and played back to your kids at some point, I'm almost sure.

Go with apathy or feign acceptance. Or even keep quiet. But never text anything angry back.


----------



## Garry2012

....I havent texted anything anything angry is a long long time. ...I declined comment. The anger and bitterness with be with me for a long time, but only around them...I am me with everyone else. I just want the two to go away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

So I got a text the other day saying "why do you ignore me? I know you pretend to hate me, but down deep you dont". I naturally ignored it.

Last night, she called me (was supposed to be my son) and pushed me as to why I wont talk to her. Yeah, we got into it again, but I made it clear that I don't have ANY interest in talking to her about "us" and actually ended up hanging up on her since she would not stop. But, she did convey that her having to leave the house/marriage was because she was being "held prisoner" by me....that is how she viewed being a stay at home mom. Wonder if she will file charges for wrongful imprisonment. lol


----------



## happyman64

Gary
It sounds like your wife feels guilty for dumping you and the family. 

Have you ever said to her "that there is no "us". You made that choice for yourself. 

I will forever be disappointed in you. 

Now deal with it on your own. Leave me out of it. "
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

happyman64 said:


> Gary
> It sounds like your wife feels guilty for dumping you and the family.
> 
> Have you ever said to her "that there is no "us". You made that choice for yourself.
> 
> I will forever be disappointed in you.
> 
> Now deal with it on your own. Leave me out of it. "
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree...she is going through something, but still in some halfway "you need to take alot of the blame" stage too. Like she is coming out of the fog, but not quite there yet. I have some blame sure...and i mishandled stuff too. But I still think my role in the demise is far less than half. 

She still is trying very hard to make this my fault..and minimize her role...so the whole "choice you made" is still rebuked by her through blaming me. She isnt quite ready to deal with her significant role in the whole thing. 

I did make it clear that I dont care what she does. I stopped short of saying I dont care about her....which i dont, but she would use that against me. I was careful not to say anything that she will turn into a statement to use against me. 

It pisses me off that i talked to her at all, because it got me all wound up for hours. Next time I need to just hang up on her after she refuses to change the subject.


----------



## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> But, she did convey that her having to leave the house/marriage was because she was being "held prisoner" by me....that is how she viewed being a stay at home mom. Wonder if she will file charges for wrongful imprisonment. lol


You cant read her mind?
You selfish unfeeling [email protected]!

Time machine back to the last good day ca 2 years ago. Wife says to you. Garry, I just cant do the stay at home mom thing any more. Its really bugging me and it is making me feel all sorts of unimportant. I want to get some training and get a job doing X. (assuming x is not useless degree). She looks you straight in the eye and says "I NEED THIS"

Your response would have been?


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> You cant read her mind?
> You selfish unfeeling [email protected]!
> 
> Time machine back to the last good day ca 2 years ago. Wife says to you. Garry, I just cant do the stay at home mom thing any more. Its really bugging me and it is making me feel all sorts of unimportant. I want to get some training and get a job doing X. (assuming x is not useless degree). She looks you straight in the eye and says "I NEED THIS"
> 
> Your response would have been?


Well, we did have the plan for her to go back to work when my youngest went to kinder...which was 8 months after she started her current job. I would have been fine with it....we talked about it, and concluded that the daycare needed would have been more than her income. She was deteremined to be a nurse....well, she had ZERO education towards that, and frankly, I didnt think she had either the intelligence nor the ability to be one...not to mention that it would have been her going to school on top of the child care. But, to answer your question, we could have worked something out. Heck, her mother could have come and lived with us for 9 months while she worked...been living here now for 14 months.


----------



## Garry2012

Happy Monday people!!

So, I couldnt resist, my son mentioned something about X's BF..and so I said, "seen him lately?"..and he said.."no, he hasnt been around much at all for a little while". Yep...that explains her sudden need to talk..as I thought.


----------



## weightlifter

She is actually doing better than a number of cheaters here.

Its still a fail. But some of them have been thru almost a dozen by now.


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> She is actually doing better than a number of cheaters here.
> 
> Its still a fail. But some of them have been thru almost a dozen by now.


Well, remember she had one when i divorced her too. He apparently decided to stay when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. 

REmember, she was on a date parade back in July...like 30 days in 30 days. So this may send her reeling again and she can get her numbers up lol.


----------



## bandit.45

Her and her boyfriend are on the outs or they broke up. She's just lonely and feeling rejected. You are her only anchor point so she keeps trying to reel you back in and keep you part of her network. 

I agree, hang up on her when she starts to talk about the marriage. All that talk should have happened before she made the choice to bail on you and the family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

bandit.45 said:


> Her and her boyfriend are on the outs or they broke up. She's just lonely and feeling rejected. You are her only anchor point so she keeps trying to reel you back in and keep you part of her network.
> 
> I agree, hang up on her when she starts to talk about the marriage. All that talk should have happened before she made the choice to bail on you and the family.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh no she didnt bail...."I had her trapped as a stay at home mom"....yeah...that cracks me up. 

I find her mental/emotion journey interesting. At first, she didnt love me (she repeated that several times to her bf). Then, to help justify her not loving me, insisted that I never loved her.

Now recently, she has come to the realization, that she in fact does still love/care for me, and she is convinced that I still have loving feelings for her, thus, the reason for her to leave MUST have been that she was trapped. I would like to think that the next logical step would be for her to admit she wasnt trapped either, but bat crazy, but where would be the excitement in that!!! I wanna know what the new reason for her walking out will be! lol


----------



## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> She is actually doing better than a number of cheaters here.
> 
> Its still a fail. But some of them have been thru almost a dozen by now.


Her aunt, who had an epic MLC, was openly sleeping at her bf house, has gone through 2-3 "this is the one" kinda deals. She is about 6 months ahead of X.


----------



## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> Now recently, she has come to the realization, that she in fact does still love/care for me, and she is convinced that I still have loving feelings for her, thus, the reason for her to leave MUST have been that she was trapped. I would like to think that the next logical step would be for her to admit she wasnt trapped either, but bat crazy, but where would be the excitement in that!!! I wanna know what the new reason for her walking out will be! lol


re rewriting
or is that re re rewriting? I forget.
Is her Match dot com back up?
See BF was a "step in the right direction" then failed anyway. Now you lasted ?x? years... her mind is going hmmmm.

Didint you say she was pretty sparing in providing insemination relief to you? Maybe BF got to that point.


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## Garry2012

Thats the funny part...she re-writes, then erases, writes again.....she just doesnt know. We were good through 12....then crashed and burned lol.She isnt a physical person...at all. She doesnt even like her kids sitting on her lap..not for long.I think she is in for an interestingride....I just hope she keeps my kids out of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

Let her sit and spin. Let her rot. 

Date as many young honeys as you can hook up with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Guess who is back on match? lol yep...we were all right..she is starting over again. lol (note: I certainly didnt look her up..she popped up on my search).


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## happyman64

Time to fix that search engine. Crazy, non physical women are to be deleted....


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## Garry2012

Yes! I think I can block her...but I have to go into her profile to do it.....no thanks. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

Garry - My counselor taught me to do this - I'd get sucked into debates with ex who refused to acknowledge he ever hit me. I swear he was either in complete denial (maybe NPDs don't remember history like we do) or was recording it and hoping I'd lie and say he didn't? Regardless I was OWNING the truth and I was not going to minimize what happened, especially to HIM. Tanget, sorry. My point was I'd get sucked into these conversations where he tried to rewrite history and try to get back together and after several visits to the counselor where the advice was the same it sank in. DO NOT ENGAGE.

Cut her off each time. "I thought you were calling so I can talk to S. Please put him on." She doesn't "I wanted to talk to S, not you, so I'm hanging up now." And do. You have to call about S and she starts in about something? "I called about S and topic X." Then launch into topic X. She ignores and keeps on? "Well, if we aren't going to address X, I'm hanging up now." 

After enough of this, she WILL stop. It took mine a few months and then if he strayed even a bit off topic, all I had to do was cut in to say "Thanks for calling/discussing X.." and he'd get the message and wrap it up with a thanks and hang up.


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## Garry2012

After the last time I hung up, she has been wuiet...still texts stuff like" ill be late to the game tonight" or " the kids are excited about xyz" but I usually give a one word answer if it has to do with the kids....or nothing. Not engaging is so important. ..not easy sometimes...but I agree its key.

I do struggle with the difference between working as a co-parent...when I REALLY prefer zero contact. If it werent for my kids, i would have moved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

Thought I would update. Not much has gone on since I pushed her and her attempts to be buddies away. Last night I get a text saying: "Garry, have you ever thought about us going to counseling to heal ourselves?"

When I stopped laughing and shaking my head, I almost replied--"so you will consider counseling to have a happy divorce, but not a happy marriage?" such an odd statement to me for her to make. Then i thought, maybe i should reply to her the way she did to me when we were married--"i am not going to go to a councilor so they can tell me everything I am doing wrong". But ole faithful is what prevailed....I ignored.


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## tom67

Garry2012 said:


> Thought I would update. Not much has gone on since I pushed her and her attempts to be buddies away. Last night I get a text saying: "Garry, have you ever thought about us going to counseling to heal ourselves?"
> 
> When I stopped laughing and shaking my head, I almost replied--"so you will consider counseling to have a happy divorce, but not a happy marriage?" such an odd statement to me for her to make. Then i thought, maybe i should reply to her the way she did to me when we were married--"i am not going to go to a councilor so they can tell me everything I am doing wrong". But ole faithful is what prevailed....I ignored.


Ahh...
:scratchhead::crazy:
Just a little


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## happyman64

Garry

Are you healed?

HM


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## tom67

happyman64 said:


> Garry
> 
> Are you healed?
> 
> HM


Yes Garry how many more did you add to your harem?


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## Garry2012

I am mostly there I think yeah. She, however, thinks that because I am short with her, dont want to chit chat, and text about "us" that I am devasted...no...i just REALLY dont want anything to do with her. 

The harem is a moving target. One pretty one, not great at communications....just had a great convo with a lady last night...date Sat. Very active, funny....should be a good date.


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## ihatethis

Garry2012 said:


> I am mostly there I think yeah. She, however, thinks that because I am short with her, dont want to chit chat, and text about "us" that I am devasted...no...i just REALLY dont want anything to do with her.
> 
> The harem is a moving target. One pretty one, not great at communications....just had a great convo with a lady last night...date Sat. Very active, funny....should be a good date.


I've loved reading your story. Good luck, you deserve it. I can't wait to get to that point where I want nothing to do with my ex, lol.


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## SamuraiJack

Wow. This sounds a lot like my story. 
My ex wants to be best buddies and raise the kids as a harmonious pair. 
I say "phuck her".
I wont be friends with anyone who willingly and deliberately betrays my trust and faith. Sure I could forgive a mistake, but when its planned to a t, it's really hard to justify trust.

Treat yourself right and dont get back into it with her. I have my weak moments with my ex occasionally, but going dark (once I figure out I whoopsed again) always has the desired effect.

Someone who is willing to be buddies with their has one of two things going on: Either they negotiated a fair and even agreement to to seperate or they are willing to let somebody abuse them and still stay with them.


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## Garry2012

I know, its pretty common. I dont get the whole "i am besties with my ex" thing...but i hear it pretty often. I think we may have been at least ok post divorce, but like most divorces, it gets ugly...and to me that ruined ANY future relationship with her as a "friend". Of course, the cheating and lying while we were married kinda hampers that as well lol.

I think when she started openly being with her bf at our kids games, and having him drive her to my house for her to drop something off...so soon after a divorce she knows I didnt want...that really killed any and all emotion for her.


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## poppyseed

Hi

I really don't want to be rude but did you say earlier that your ex was having a relationship with a man/ someone else's husband whose wife was fighting with cancer? (and most likely to be a terminal case?)

This says all. Morally totally bankrupt. Would you go out with a woman / someone else's Wife whose husband is battling with cancer? If someone had some sort of "empathy", probably one would think twice about doing that perhaps? If she/ your x was ill and suffering, she wouldn't have liked her husband playing away? Serious character flaw such as this is quite shocking if I'm honest and she wants to be a Nurse? A wrong profession, perhaps?


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## poppyseed

Garry2012 said:


> I think when she started openly being with her bf at our kids games, and having him drive her to my house for her to drop something off...so soon after a divorce she knows I didnt want...that really killed any and all emotion for her.


This could well be deliberate - her doing things you didn't want. Inconsiderate.


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## Garry2012

poppyseed said:


> This could well be deliberate - her doing things you didn't want. Inconsiderate.


Oh it very well could have been...or just to waive him in my face for some reason..dont know/dont care. It was very inconsiderate, but then again...incorporating him into our kids lives after 30 days or so was inconsiderate too. She looks out for herself.


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## Garry2012

poppyseed said:


> Hi
> 
> I really don't want to be rude but did you say earlier that your ex was having a relationship with a man/ someone else's husband whose wife was fighting with cancer? (and most likely to be a terminal case?)
> 
> This says all. Morally totally bankrupt. Would you go out with a woman / someone else's Wife whose husband is battling with cancer? If someone had some sort of "empathy", probably one would think twice about doing that perhaps? If she/ your x was ill and suffering, she wouldn't have liked her husband playing away? Serious character flaw such as this is quite shocking if I'm honest and she wants to be a Nurse? A wrong profession, perhaps?


MLC def clouds judgement. I dunno if she had cancer before...i got the impression (and didnt probe/care further) that he found out later and "went" back to her. Based on the call i recorded, it sounded like there were less serious reasons for him not divorcing her outright. Maybe when she is gone, the two lovebirds can finally be together.

Im far more concerned about my upcoming date with an ex Chargers cheerleader! haha.


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## Garry2012

Well...back to the drawing board...cheerleader was not quite up to her pics (HAD to be 10 years ago) and not quite a match. Oh well....as many of you know...online dating is interesting! haha


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## SamuraiJack

Garry2012 said:


> Well...back to the drawing board...cheerleader was not quite up to her pics (HAD to be 10 years ago) and not quite a match. Oh well....as many of you know...online dating is interesting! haha


I consider it an electronic visit to a zoo full of mutations...Every other word out of your mouth is "WTF?" and "How is that even POSSIBLE?"

Here's hopin you win the lottery...although a lot of people report the experience by saying they would rather bob for lobsters.


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## Garry2012

SamuraiJack said:


> I consider it an electronic visit to a zoo full of mutations...Every other word out of your mouth is "WTF?" and "How is that even POSSIBLE?"
> 
> Here's hopin you win the lottery...although a lot of people report the experience by saying they would rather bob for lobsters.


My experience hasnt been TOO bad. This is the second time that her pics didnt match her....dated. Women, it seems, have a MUCH harder time as guys seem to more often try to game the system. 

I have met a couple attractive "normal" women....no full on nut jobs..yet...


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## SamuraiJack

I, being not really ready for dating, joined match with the sole purpose of just cattin around. I met a lot of nice ladies, my fair share of misfits and crazies...and then my GF was presented to me. SURPRISE!!!!

For me anyway...it's always when I least expect it.

I hope you get one as great as mine..


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## weightlifter

SamuraiJack said:


> I, being not really ready for dating, joined match with the sole purpose of just cattin around. I met a lot of nice ladies, my fair share of misfits and crazies...and then my GF was presented to me. SURPRISE!!!!
> 
> You met her off match?
> 
> For me anyway...it's always when I least expect it.
> 
> I hope you get one as great as mine..


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## SamuraiJack

Yep. Met her off Match...she was not much to look at ( for some reason she doesnt photograph well) but her conversation was good and she sealed the deal by insisting on a meet. In person she is quite attractive. Weird how cameras can do that.
Over dinner I got to see all her shiny eyes and her big teenager smile and her excellent conversation and was quite taken.

The Honeymoon phase was great and when things cooled down they were still very pleasant. Its been two and half years and we are still going strong.


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## poppyseed

Garry2012 said:


> Well...back to the drawing board...cheerleader was not quite up to her pics (HAD to be 10 years ago) and not quite a match. Oh well....as many of you know...online dating is interesting! haha


I often think meeting someone in a real life would be the best. You never get to find out about "chemistry" online.


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## Garry2012

poppyseed said:


> I often think meeting someone in a real life would be the best. You never get to find out about "chemistry" online.


Very true.....texting and email are no substitute....HAVE to meet....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Garry2012 said:


> Very true.....texting and email are no substitute....HAVE to meet....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Distant friend joined some site. Immediately got two hits. A stunner and basically a 6/10.

First date was with stunner.... Nothin! 

Second date was with the 6. It was one of those five hour can't stop talking dates. He asked her for dinner the following Friday. She said yes. She asked to meet for lunch mid week between the dates. Later she confessed she has a three date rule before she would sleep with a man and she really wanted to sleep with him...

The mid week date was to make that Friday the third date so she could meet her requirement.

Three-ish years, lots of talking and still lots of sex later... They seem happy living together as permanent engaged. Neither wants to marry but she wanted to wear his ring.


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## Garry2012

weightlifter said:


> Distant friend joined some site. Immediately got two hits. A stunner and basically a 6/10.
> 
> First date was with stunner.... Nothin!
> 
> Second date was with the 6. It was one of those five hour can't stop talking dates. He asked her for dinner the following Friday. She said yes. She asked to meet for lunch mid week between the dates. Later she confessed she has a three date rule before she would sleep with a man and she really wanted to sleep with him...
> 
> The mid week date was to make that Friday the third date so she could meet her requirement.
> 
> Three-ish years, lots of talking and still lots of sex later... They seem happy living together as permanent engaged. Neither wants to marry but she wanted to wear his ring.


Yeah..i have met a couple interesting women. One was truly gorgeous and a very successful lawyer....but WOW did she not have any social skills. Hard to imagine a 40 yo could be SO socially awkward. Looks may get your attention, but personality and chemistry is what keeps it together.


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## SamuraiJack

Garry2012 said:


> Yeah..i have met a couple interesting women. One was truly gorgeous and a very successful lawyer....but WOW did she not have any social skills. Hard to imagine a 40 yo could be SO socially awkward. Looks may get your attention, but personality and chemistry is what keeps it together.


Yes! One of my dates was with a woman who obviously "got by on her looks " all her life.
What a dismal date that was...:banghead:


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## Garry2012

SamuraiJack said:


> Yes! One of my dates was with a woman who obviously "got by on her looks " all her life.
> What a dismal date that was...:banghead:


This one was very smart, a lawyer. So i went out with her 3 times I think, because I wanted to see if it was just a bad day or whatever. But alas it wasnt. Dissapointing but....just keep swimming...just keep swimming....


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## Garry2012

So, its been a while since I posted. X has made a couple of odd gestures, maybe she has come out of the fog a bit...whatever. I have noticed that her comments etc. seem to spike whenever she has contact with me...even if its just when she sees me dropping off the kids. 

Anyway, so we had to talk about the kids today by phone. She was making a big push that I need to forgive her blah blah blah. I prob have become bitter...I resent everything about her and she physically turns my stomach with even a text. Anyway, today she is pushing for me to forgive her...but frankly...I am tempted to try to lead her down where she needs to even begin...like...1) accept you cheated on me 2) There WAS another man you were in love with etc. 3) You were a REALLY terrible person though all the D. 

I guess because I feel like she just doesnt get it..at ALL. Then again...this would create a conversation...and I REALLY dont want that with her. lol


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## SamuraiJack

Garry2012 said:


> So, its been a while since I posted. X has made a couple of odd gestures, maybe she has come out of the fog a bit...whatever. I have noticed that her comments etc. seem to spike whenever she has contact with me...even if its just when she sees me dropping off the kids.
> 
> Anyway, so we had to talk about the kids today by phone. She was making a big push that I need to forgive her blah blah blah. I prob have become bitter...I resent everything about her and she physically turns my stomach with even a text. Anyway, today she is pushing for me to forgive her...but frankly...I am tempted to try to lead her down where she needs to even begin...like...1) accept you cheated on me 2) There WAS another man you were in love with etc. 3) You were a REALLY terrible person though all the D.
> 
> I guess because I feel like she just doesnt get it..at ALL. Then again...this would create a conversation...and I REALLY dont want that with her. lol


My ex does this too...it has been a while. She is basically looking for you to forgive her so she can rationalize what she has done to you. This is the part that gives her permission to say to her girlfriends "Yeah. I cheated and he knows...but he forgives me...so it's all good."

I simply let her wallow when she insists I do it.
Then I tell her that she has to forgive herself and that my duties to her are ended. Carry your own guilt.

She wont get it until she is honest with herself, but she canr be honest with herself because thats too painful...therefore she needs you to shoulder it....something you have absolutely NO obligation to do.


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## happyman64

Good point SJ.

It takes a lot of work for a truly remorseful WS to forgive themselves.

Because to do so they have to look in the mirror and recognize just who they have become......

Some do. But IMO most don't.


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## SamuraiJack

happyman64 said:


> Good point SJ.
> 
> It takes a lot of work for a truly remorseful WS to forgive themselves.
> 
> Because to do so they have to look in the mirror and recognize just who they have become......
> 
> Some do. But IMO most don't.


Having held the mirror up for my ex...I can tell you that they will do almost anything and re-write anything to NOT be the person they see there.
Fascinating really as the power to re-write becomes greater with more intelligence.

My ex became seriously dark and twisty and has only recently accepted that she has truly lost me.
Before then she put ALL KINDS of energy into not being "that person".

In the end, I actually found it amusing to see how badly she would distort things.


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## Pluto2

There's always the "I'm sorry you feel that way" response to how *she* believes you should feel.


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## Garry2012

That's exactly what it seems like to me too. SHE has to come to the realization of her actions first...which I dont think she has....at all. Heck...she lied when she came by the house 3 months ago for her "I always loved you speech"...she told me she only said "i dont love you anymore" because she was mad in the heat of the moment.....but she told her BF that on the phone 6 months prior...repeatedly.....apology FAIL.

Her attempts seem really hollow...which i why i want to B-slap her with reality..but then ....i remember...no can do..lol


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## Garry2012

SamuraiJack said:


> Having held the mirror up for my ex...I can tell you that they will do almost anything and re-write anything to NOT be the person they see there.
> Fascinating really as the power to re-write becomes greater with more intelligence.
> 
> My ex became seriously dark and twisty and has only recently accepted that she has truly lost me.
> Before then she put ALL KINDS of energy into not being "that person".
> 
> In the end, I actually found it amusing to see how badly she would distort things.


The only thing I have seen change is the reason for our divorce....I think she is up to 2-3 different reasons...at different times


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## Openminded

I forgave my ex-husband but he never asked me to. I did it a few months after the divorce when I realized how truly remorseful he was about blowing up our many decades long marriage. But I really forgave him for me because I was tired of hating him. Some people forgive and some don't. Do what you're comfortable doing. And ignore her.


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## Garry2012

Openminded said:


> I forgave my ex-husband but he never asked me to. I did it a few months after the divorce when I realized how truly remorseful he was about blowing up our many decades long marriage. But I really forgave him for me because I was tired of hating him. Some people forgive and some don't. Do what you're comfortable doing. And ignore her.


See, thats two of my hang-ups. I am tired of hating her...but I dont see even a truly remorseful apology changing that.....and since she doesnt even understand/care to see what she REALLY did...I dont see one coming either....I generally do ignore her...

I didnt even take it as her asking me to forgive her...it was more of a ...."when are you going to get over this and stop hating me" kind of thing....but I think it does bother her that i hate her so much...which...kinda makes me happy lol


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## happyman64

Garry

Some wayward spouses never truly comprehend what they have done until they are replaced.

When they see their ExBS happy with a new mate is when they realize that the affair did not bring them happiness.

The divorce also did not bring them happiness.

And then they realize they lost their marriage as well as their best friend.

Time.....


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## Garry2012

Well, the day finally came. X called to discuss the kids, and that led to a heated exchange...then came the tearful apology, admitting that she actually had "an affair", and the request for a reconciliation...of course....for the kids sake. She will be "a new person", full transparency, no more facebook etc etc etc. 

She got the, "sorry...i just dont feel like that about you anymore" from me. Hard when she tells me that the kids would be SO happy....and they would, but I dont think I could do it--and dont want to...I would never be happy again.


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## happyman64

And now comprehension begins on her part.

Can I make a suggestion.

Encourage her to be truthful. Not just to you but those close to her.

Because there is a chance she can be a good person again.

Good to her kids.
Good to herself.
Good to her ExBS.

Good as a coparent.

So just encourage her. Stop hating her. Just be indifferent to her when it comes to any form of R with her.

As long as you feel that way about her.

Hate can be such a waste of energy and emotion. And if you continue to hate her I can guarantee that hate will spill over into your other relationships.

Keep moving forward.

Who knows? Someday you might actually like your Ex again.

HM


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## Garry2012

I think I did tell her that she needs to just tell the truth to everyone and maybe we can all move on....but it sounds like her family and her are on the outs due at least in part to how they blocked the family out during her denial and the whole divorce.......

I agree. ..I need to get past the hate....for my own good...I dont want to be her friend...but civil works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

Garry2012 said:


> I think I did tell her that she needs to just tell the truth to everyone and maybe we can all move on....but it sounds like her family and her are on the outs due at least in part to how they blocked the family out during her denial and the whole divorce.......
> 
> I agree. ..I need to get past the hate....for my own good...I dont want to be her friend...but civil works.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So all the lies are starting to bite her in the @ss.
It was a matter of time.


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## bandit.45

Remorse sometimes comes in stages. Maybe she is getting there, maybe not.

In your exWW's case, I think she's experiencing how hard it is to be a single mom and she wants to go back to the comfy lifestyle the two of you had together. It has nothing to do with love or remorse. 

Why not just tell her "For us to reconcile, I have to see two things up front: honesty, about everything you did, and true heartfelt remorse, not just guilt for blowing up the family....I need you to start feeling how you made me feel during your affair. If you cannot empathize to that degree, then there will be no R."


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## Garry2012

tom67 said:


> So all the lies are starting to bite her in the @ss.
> It was a matter of time.


Yep...though she still is in the mindset that THEY are wrong...because they talked behind her back.....but she denied and lied the whole time..so no sense in dicussing with her. She just needs to come clean and take responsibility..not quite there


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## LongWalk

As HappyMan pointed out many cheaters never get to the stage of moral enlightenment that your ex has reached. It was interesting that in all of her attempts to hook you into a reconciliation attempt, you did not acknowledge what she was doing, though clearly you cottoned on. Back when one of her BF's disappeared and no one good filled the space, she wanted you back.

Flattering, huh?

Also, to her credit, she has not started exchanging pvssy for attention, i.e., she has not resorted to to promiscuity to fill the void. She has gone back and remembered the good times and how you were pretty decent and she knows she cannot do better. That is a very bitter truth for a middle aged woman to face.

The weight gain must be in part due to despair. She doesn't feel motivated to cougar up and capture Mr Wonderful.

She eff'd up her life and she wishes you could fix it. But lets face it she deserves this suffering. Nature told her to do something with another male before her ovaries became decrepit. She couldn't control herself.

At this point, don't you reckon you are strong enough to forgive her if you can get her to say a few more truths about what b1tch she was? At this point she will be grateful to become your friend. Ex's can be friends if there is respect. She may become a better person if she forgives herself. For the sake of your children it may be worth it.

Eventually you'll meet someone new whom you have chemistry, etc. Your ex will go through a lot of new pain when that happens. So you not hating her will make it even worse. I mean if your ex Garry, who is a decent guy, has found happiness with someone new because you dumped him in the madness of MLC, all you can do is wish him well and cry. She'll have to tell your kids some day that she messed up and you deserved happiness that she was disqualified to provide.

Zillard's new girlfriend is ex. So, strange things do happen. But we never found out what happened to HerHusband. Don't know if you read his thread.


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## tom67

Garry2012 said:


> Yep...though she still is in the mindset that THEY are wrong...because they talked behind her back.....but she denied and lied the whole time..so no sense in dicussing with her. She just needs to come clean and take responsibility..not quite there


If I remember you talked to one of her uncles right and they knew you a stand up guy and put 2 and 2 together.
God is she delusional.
Not your problem.


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## tom67

So how is the dating scene?:smthumbup:


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## happyman64

Garry

One day at a time. One step in front of the other. You are doing great.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

tom67 said:


> If I remember you talked to one of her uncles right and they knew you a stand up guy and put 2 and 2 together.
> God is she delusional.
> Not your problem.


Yeah...and she had at least one uncle, if not two who had wives that did the same...so they know.


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## Garry2012

tom67 said:


> So how is the dating scene?:smthumbup:


Gone on a couple dates with a very attractive woman from Mexico.....lol


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## weightlifter

How goes It?


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## Garry2012

Hello WL,

All going well. I had been dating a great lady for the last 7 months, but she was too heavy into control, both with finances and my kids, so we have gone our separate ways. So now I am back on the market. Summer is usually busy with me having the kids for 6 weeks anyway, but I guess in a couple weeks ill jump back on Match. My contact with X is very little, she again made another attempt in April or so to get back together.


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## happyman64

Of course your X made an attempt at getting back with you.

When she initiates that conversation do you chuckle to yourself (laugh at her), get angry at her or just ask her if she has grown up yet then turn and walk away??????


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## Garry2012

happyman64 said:


> Of course your X made an attempt at getting back with you.
> 
> When she initiates that conversation do you chuckle to yourself (laugh at her), get angry at her or just ask her if she has grown up yet then turn and walk away??????


Yeah, she ha tried 3 times now or so to get back together. If its text I pretty much just ignore it or change the topic. I engaged her last August and came to the conclusion that she now believes her own lies, so he thinks she was only partially responsible. But, at other times she seems to take more responsibility. Either way, its a waste of my time. I more have the attitude of "just go away" than anything. If she would give me full custody, I would buy her one way plan ticket to her new man....but few are that lucky lol.


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## eastsouth2000

almost 2016.

have you posted pictures with previous gf on your social media.
what did your exww say about your gf of 7mos?

what did your kids say about your gf?

i think this will all end when you finally find a new girl and ltr.

and you need help writing those strict business only (children only) communication/letters with your ex.
i think you get a new IC to help you with this stricter communication.


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## Garry2012

eastsouth2000 said:


> almost 2016.
> 
> have you posted pictures with previous gf on your social media.
> what did your exww say about your gf of 7mos?
> 
> what did your kids say about your gf?
> 
> i think this will all end when you finally find a new girl and ltr.
> 
> and you need help writing those strict business only (children only) communication/letters with your ex.
> i think you get a new IC to help you with this stricter communication.


No, facebook left me with a bad feeling after my X was using it as her flirting tool, and frankly I just didn't care either.

I waited 6 months until I introduced GF to kids...they really liked her actually, they were excited. I never heard anything back from X, didn't/don't care either. X and I are pretty strict about talking about kids only, she calls once or twice a month to "chat" about the kids, but I am very short and stick to the facts. She could text it all, but wants to talk for some reason. No IC needed....it's not a problem by any means.


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## weightlifter

Waves at Garry. Hows it going? You are not forgotten.


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