# Divorce advice needed



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Have been separated from wife for 3 yrs now was her decision not mine. She's been with someone else all this time we been separated which I'm glad keeps her outta my life, which is what she wanted.

Well took me 2 yrs or so to finally accept 20 yrs marriage was over and get over it. 

Now I'm finally gonna file for divorce, just waiting till after November of this year since oldest daughter will turn 18 and just have my son left to pay child support on.

My question is cause I been thinking a lot about it whether to file divorce and let her keep everything or ask for half of what we accrued during marriage ??

I honestly think of just letting her keep it all cause for me I just want my ties cut from her in sense of being married to her. 

Me I have no benefits at work as in 401k, profit sharing, stock, etc, etc. 

But I know she does and people said I should get some her benefits if we divorce. Such as her 401k and she's fully invested at her job for her profit sharing and has stock and so on.

What I prefer is her helping me pay half of attorneys fees to get divorced without no issues and just walk away.

But people say I'm entitled to half but I prefer to walk away free without nothing and just get divorce done without a fight. 

In texas divorce can be finalized within 60-61 days and I'm free.

What do yall think is right thing for me to do. Need opinion of those who have gotten divorced. 

Also after this divorce I wouldn't ever get married again. No dice.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Easy.

File the petition and let her respond.

Have your attorney ask hers to make you an offer.

Take it.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I understand that you want to be rid of her but you are entitled to half and you should take your share. Not doing it and letting her have everything while she's the one who wants out is sending the wrong message and will make financial recovery from this nearly impossible for you.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Texas is a community property state, so you should not have much trouble getting half of all the assets, and you should do exactly that. Why should she be rewarded and you punished when she is the one who wanted to leave?

Having some assets will also make it a lot easier to pay child support if you have trouble with employment for some reason.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you shoudl get what you entitled too, simple as that, you worked hard during that marriage, why should she walk away with all the perks. don't live your life as a doormat. i am guessing she is living in your home with the new guy?


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Yes assets could help with paying child support if need be that does make sense.

Just waiting for daughter to turn 18 in November then I will file for divorce and let lawyer handle assests for me.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Xenote said:


> you shoudl get what you entitled too, simple as that, you worked hard during that marriage, why should she walk away with all the perks. don't live your life as a doormat. i am guessing she is living in your home with the new guy?


Our home was foreclosed on back in 2014 or so if I remember correctly. Now she lives at her dad's house since her mom passed in 2011, that's why our house got foreclosure cause she decided to stay with her dad when her mom passed in 2011. She said I'd be only for a bit but then that's when she completely changed.

Only assets we have is our furniture, the truck she has it, my car, and then she got a new car in 2015 still paying on it and whatever benefits she has at work.

As for her new man I believe she moved him into her father's home so he might be living with them also.

Ex father in law claims to be a deacon from the church but now all that flew out the window obviously. 

I just want a divorce and I'm good.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

hold on, so let me get this straight, your house was foreclosed because she decided not to contribute to the mortgage any longer because she was living with her dad? So again she demonstrates to you that she is willing to walk away, leave you paying the bills, and take up with a new man....how are you not pissed off? damn right you should get half of your 401...you need that for your retirement.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Xenote said:


> hold on, so let me get this straight, your house was foreclosed because she decided not to contribute to the mortgage any longer because she was living with her dad? So again she demonstrates to you that she is willing to walk away, leave you paying the bills, and take up with a new man....how are you not pissed off? damn right you should get half of your 401...you need that for your retirement.


Yes, when her mom passed she said she wanted to stay with her dad for a bit to help him cope which I said fine. What was suppose to be a couple weeks turned to years and didn't help with mortgage and I couldn't afford mortgage alone so they foreclosed. Which honestly I didn't know they were gonna foreclose cause she collected all the mail.

She knew what was gonna happen cause she emptied out the house, took all the furniture, took cabinets from house, basically emptied whole house of what she could take.

Where was I you make ask yourself, well when we separated in April 2013 I moved in with a friend and that's where I been since.

My whole family turned they backs on me cause she made me out to be bad guy. But it helped me realize not even family is real.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

The bottom line is how much are we talking? You both sound fairly broke based on your narrative. 

If her retirement 401k and stocks total is like $20k by the time you finish paying the lawyer then I wouldn't waste my time either.

Now if it's $200k+ then you'd be a fool to let her walk away. We need more information OP. 

That alone would nullify your son's CS and you need to understand that you are entitled to waive all future rights to her assets.

However, she CAN NOT waive future rights to child support from you. Even if you both agreed to it. It's unenforceable in court. 

Because it's "for the kids". Don't be a chump and take another one in the rear. She could easily come after you later and double cross you.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> The bottom line is how much are we talking? You both sound fairly broke based on your narrative.
> 
> If her retirement 401k and stocks total is like $20k by the time you finish paying the lawyer then I wouldn't waste my time either.
> 
> ...


I have no retirement benefits or nothing on my part at all. Her she has been at her job for about 25 yrs I'd say so she's fully vested by now, where she has 401k, profit sharing, stock, and whatever else. 

Other than that it's just the furniture we accumulated during marriage. Which I really don't care for. 

As for child support I will only have son left to pay on since daughter will turn 18 in November. I have no issues paying child support for they my kids and my responsibility. 

I just want on opinions on what would be fair as to let her keep everything or get what's fair.

I found lawyer that can get us divorced good price as long as no issues which I hope she don't cause but thats a big hope.


----------



## Whirlpool (Jul 25, 2016)

Foolish thinking to walk away and leave money on the table.

Doesn't do you any good if it's in HER pocket.

She certainly won't be doing you any favors.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Whirlpool said:


> Foolish thinking to walk away and leave money on the table.
> 
> Doesn't do you any good if it's in HER pocket.
> 
> She certainly won't be doing you any favors.


True


----------



## Whirlpool (Jul 25, 2016)

I'm glad you're listening.

Lots of guys roll over and do what they can to get away, as fast as they can but that's short term thinking.

The money matters, long after she's gone.

It makes rebuilding your life that much easier.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

She got the house foreclosed on, hid it from you so that you didn't even have a chance to save it, and stripped the place on her way out. Now you have a foreclosure on your credit and possibly still owe on the mortgage, depending on how much the bank sold the house for after they took it.

I think it's fair for you to go after her for your 50% of the assets and ask that she pay for 50% of the marital debt, too. Since she's the one who wanted the divorce, you can even as for her to be responsible for all attorney fees.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Whirlpool said:


> I'm glad you're listening.
> 
> Lots of guys roll over and do what they can to get away, as fast as they can but that's short term thinking.
> 
> ...


That's what some people have told me that I'm entitled to something even if it's not alot. It's just i like to think things thru carefully before I make moves. Which is why I haven't filed divorce until this yr after daughter turns 18.


----------



## Whirlpool (Jul 25, 2016)

life.is.pain said:


> That's what some people have told me that I'm entitled to something even if it's not alot. It's just i like to think things thru carefully before I make moves. Which is why I haven't filed divorce until this yr after daughter turns 18.


Sounds like you haven't got much money. The less you have the more it matters.

Could be the difference between a roof over your head and being homeless and eating at a soup kitchen.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> She got the house foreclosed on, hid it from you so that you didn't even have a chance to save it, and stripped the place on her way out. Now you have a foreclosure on your credit and possibly still owe on the mortgage, depending on how much the bank sold the house for after they took it.
> 
> I think it's fair for you to go after her for your 50% of the assets and ask that she pay for 50% of the marital debt, too. Since she's the one who wanted the divorce, you can even as for her to be responsible for all attorney fees.


I was thinking of asking at least for half of attorneys fees to get divorced since she's the one that wanted it. Her wish will be granted but I feel she should pay at least half to divorce.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Whirlpool said:


> life.is.pain said:
> 
> 
> > That's what some people have told me that I'm entitled to something even if it's not alot. It's just i like to think things thru carefully before I make moves. Which is why I haven't filed divorce until this yr after daughter turns 18.
> ...


No I don't have much just my car to get to work and back plus just my clothes and shoes and hygienes. Other than that nothing else. 

Been living with friend for last 3 yrs but it's not same as having your own place but still grateful I have spot to lay my head till this day.


----------



## Whirlpool (Jul 25, 2016)

Ok well then there ya go.

You need to get as much money out of her as you possibly can, who knows when you'll see any more.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

life.is.pain said:


> Yes, when her mom passed she said she wanted to stay with her dad for a bit to help him cope which I said fine. What was suppose to be a couple weeks turned to years and didn't help with mortgage and I couldn't afford mortgage alone so they foreclosed. Which honestly I didn't know they were gonna foreclose cause she collected all the mail.
> 
> She knew what was gonna happen cause she emptied out the house, took all the furniture, took cabinets from house, basically emptied whole house of what she could take.
> 
> ...


I remember your posts....always wondered what had happened to you.

You stopped posting right after you posted both WW and POSOM on Cheaterville....said you were going to expose widely to all friends and family what she had done and file for D....asking for your fair share of all assets and including selling the house.

What happened?

Why didn't you follow through?

I take it since you say everyone turned against you that you didn't even expose her cheating to friends and family.....just let the badmouthing and demonizing of you, that she was already doing back then, stand unchallenged.

And now you lost the house too, and are even backing down from asking for your fair share of marital assets.

I'm really shocked you didn't follow through on the plan you had made.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

By now all her family has turned on her, her brothers her sisters, aunts and uncles. Happened on its own I didn't have to say anything she did it to herself. 

As for my family turning on me for her don't bother me cause shows me kinda people they are in the end.

Yes lost house, yes I didn't file divorce back then cause first year of separation I hoped for reconciliation which didn't happen. Then another 2 more years separated finally I am better and stronger mentally and emotionally. 

Yes at first I did decide I'd just file divorce and not ask for nothing, but reading advice makes sense. I will fight for mines not to be vindictive but because it's true I'm entitled to it after 20 years of marriage and she's the one that wanted out. 

I didn't file back then maybe cause wasn't right time, but the time is coming and it will happen for it has to happen. 

No I don't want her back ever again that's not why I stalled filing, just wasn't ready but now I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Texas is a community property state, so you should not have much trouble getting half of all the assets, and you should do exactly that. Why should she be rewarded and you punished when she is the one who wanted to leave?
> 
> Having some assets will also make it a lot easier to pay child support if you have trouble with employment for some reason.


*In addition, you should file for custody of your son and have your ex fork over child support to you! 

Besides, more often than not, young men greatly prefer to be with their Dad and not in the presence of some "stage door Johnny" that their ex chooses to voraciously hump under the same roof that they're living under!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

You keep talking Child Support. What's your current parenting schedule and is there an order for custody? Something ordered in the MSA perhaps? Or just winging it?

Financially, it doesn't sound like a lot to squabble over. You're in a community property state. You keep your car. She keeps hers. In lieu of your 50% of furniture value and 50% of her 401k you want 70/30 parenting tilt towards you with Primary Legal and Residential Custody of your son. She can pay you the support.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

True statement !!!

I would like to have my son with me because she ain't teaching him nothing good or spending time with him.

Majority of time from what I have found out is she's always at bars now. She used to call my brothers wife a bar-fly cause he did meet her in a bar. But now she's doing same thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

I pay her child support for son and daughter but daughter will turn 18 this November. 

My biggest issue is visitation where I don't get to see them because ex gives me a hard time. I go pick up the kids and right away she's running her mouth saying I ain't gonna take them and this and that.

She starts yelling so kids get scared and I remain calm but eventually they decide to stay home so as not to piss mom off.

I will talk to lawyer about that bout visitation to handle it a different way where I won't have to interact with ex at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DrSher (Jul 17, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> tech-novelist said:
> 
> 
> > Texas is a community property state, so you should not have much trouble getting half of all the assets, and you should do exactly that. Why should she be rewarded and you punished when she is the one who wanted to leave?
> ...


 A good friend of mine has one of those beta-Johnnies that is "raising" his son and he is so angry about it that he has not spoken to his X or kids in two years.

The X is saying he is "using the kids" and all that garbage. Well, that's what she was doing the entire marriage.

More men need to put the foot down earlier. Women are bluffing men BIG TIME, especially early on in marriage. Just walk away and you will mostly see her bend over.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

life.is.pain said:


> I pay her child support for son and daughter but daughter will turn 18 this November.
> 
> My biggest issue is visitation where I don't get to see them because ex gives me a hard time. I go pick up the kids and right away she's running her mouth saying I ain't gonna take them and this and that.
> 
> ...


File the petition and let her respond.

Have your attorney ask hers to make you an offer.

Take it.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

ReturntoZero said:


> life.is.pain said:
> 
> 
> > I pay her child support for son and daughter but daughter will turn 18 this November.
> ...


What kinda offer is likely that she could make me ? 

All we have is my car, the truck she tried selling it because she went and bought new car (her dad signed for it she has no credit), but saw truck recently and now it's just parked cause it ain't running. But when I had it i maintained it great (we bought it brand new) now she ruined the truck. 

She cleaned out the house (before foreclosure she only knew about not me)took all the furniture and cabinets (which those cabinets now she installing in her dad's house cause they remodeling his kitchen). And honestly I don't even know where furniture is at anymore cause she had everything at her dad's and now it's all gone. She could have it in storage but not sure.

Then there's her benefits from work cause I have none.

So what can I really get without having her contest divorce. I want to divorce and cut my marriage ties with her. The dude she with can now deal with her crap. 

But you know from what I have seen from her in our 3 year separation and she's been with her new dude for about 2 years, she ain't being honest with him at all. 

But that's his problem not mine anymore and I wanna make it official. Soon as daughter turns 18 I'm filing for divorce.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

If you don't want to spend a ton of money on lawyers, I'd forget arguing about the little stuff like furniture because unless it is very high end stuff paying a lawyer to fight over it is going to cost more than the furniture is worth. Just let her keep that and each of you keep your vehicle. Her only asset is really her retirement, so I'd file for divorce and ask for half of that and whatever amount of child custody you want. You can easily get 50% custody. Child support will follow the state guidelines so there is no point arguing over that one.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Bananapeel said:


> If you don't want to spend a ton of money on lawyers, I'd forget arguing about the little stuff like furniture because unless it is very high end stuff paying a lawyer to fight over it is going to cost more than the furniture is worth. Just let her keep that and each of you keep your vehicle. Her only asset is really her retirement, so I'd file for divorce and ask for half of that and whatever amount of child custody you want. You can easily get 50% custody. Child support will follow the state guidelines so there is no point arguing over that one.


Yes furniture ain't nothing that can always be replaced. I don't care for that she can keep it.

As for retirement I will talk to lawyer about that see what he advises. 

Child support and custody we can discuss that also. I have no issues paying her child support just let me have my visitations with no issues.

She can keep her vehicle also. 

I honestly ain't after nothing. But if can get a little money it will help with bills or emergency. The materialistic stuff she can have it all, nothing lasts forever.

Just let me have my time with my kids is what's more important to me than anything else in this life. Is being best father I can be and protect them.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If your daughter is going to be a full time college student, you will still be required to pay child support. If that is the case, then don't bother waiting for November....


----------



## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Take control of your situation.

You're letting her control and manipulate you and your children.

File now so you have an enforcable custody arrangement. 

She yells so the kids stay with her so as to not make her mad??? WTF!

You need put an end to that at the very least.

As for the money do what you want but once it's done it's done. When your transmission goes out and you've got no money you'll wish you'd gotten what's yours and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

If she's been contributing to the 401k for 25 years, and left it untouched, there should be plenty to make it worthwhile.


----------



## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> If your daughter is going to be a full time college student, you will still be required to pay child support. If that is the case, then don't bother waiting for November....


No, it ends at 18 or until they graduate from high school.

Dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Had to look it up.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> If your daughter is going to be a full time college student, you will still be required to pay child support. If that is the case, then don't bother waiting for November....


Live in texas, where does it say I'm required to do so ?

From my child support paperwork I have, support for daughter stops when she turns 18 or finishes high school whichever comes first then I have just pay support on my son.


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Ceegee said:


> 3Xnocharm said:
> 
> 
> > If your daughter is going to be a full time college student, you will still be required to pay child support. If that is the case, then don't bother waiting for November....
> ...


Yes I looked it up myself for I live in texas


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Ceegee said:


> No, it ends at 18 or until they graduate from high school.
> 
> Dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Had to look it up.


Yeah it depends on the states. Some are 18, while some wacked out ones are till end of college if the adult (and over 18 you are an adult) still lives at home, even if the adult is 22-23!


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Ceegee said:


> Take control of your situation.
> 
> You're letting her control and manipulate you and your children.
> 
> ...


She took out her 401k back in the early 2000's not sure when. But since then she could still be contributing to it. 

I know her profit sharing she is fully vested to receive if she was to leave company. She might have stock options, one time I know she had close to $15000 in that don't know about now.

When I last talked to her in person on father's day she said she had adjusted her benefits, so I don't know what she up to.


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Ceegee said:


> No, it ends at 18 or until they graduate from high school.
> 
> Dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Had to look it up.


Depends on the state. My state actually requires that CS be extended until college graduation or the age of 22 if still enrolled. Also, the cost of college tuition can be used in my state to "reevaluate" the CS requirements and mandate higher CS awards to the custodial parent.

No wonder suicide rates among men are rising.


----------



## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Kivlor said:


> Depends on the state. My state actually requires that CS be extended until college graduation or the age of 22 if still enrolled. Also, the cost of college tuition can be used in my state to "reevaluate" the CS requirements and mandate higher CS awards to the custodial parent.
> 
> 
> 
> No wonder suicide rates among men are rising.




Wow. Unbelievable. 

So, you could be paying child support and tuition at the same time? For each college-aged child?

My kids would not be going to college. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Kivlor said:


> Depends on the state. My state actually requires that CS be extended until college graduation or the age of 22 if still enrolled. Also, the cost of college tuition can be used in my state to "reevaluate" the CS requirements and mandate higher CS awards to the custodial parent.
> 
> *No wonder suicide rates among men are rising*


Really? You are the parent, is part of it! Sheesh..

This is true in my state, as long as they are a full time student, support goes through age 21. My bad for assuming that was true in every state...


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Ceegee said:


> Wow. Unbelievable.
> 
> So, you could be paying child support and tuition at the same time? For each college-aged child?
> 
> ...


You wouldn't get a choice in my state. That is up to your ex spouse and the kids. You exist to pay money.

Feels good being a man, equal and all, eh?


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Kivlor what state do you live in if you don't mind me asking ??


----------



## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Ok so I been wondering would it make any difference if I filed for divorce now or waited till daughter turned 18 in November ?

There is already a child support order in effect so I could take that to a lawyer I'd hire.

Would like to get the jump on filing first don't want her outta the blue filing since she did say she was redoing her benefits at work.


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

life.is.pain said:


> Kivlor what state do you live in if you don't mind me asking ??


I've been trying to keep that secret and I prefer to keep it that way. I've dropped enough info over my stay here that a clever person could certainly figure it out though. 

I live in the Central US / Midwest. Census claims I live in the "Midwest: West North Central" area.


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

life.is.pain said:


> Ok so I been wondering would it make any difference if I filed for divorce now or waited till daughter turned 18 in November ?
> 
> There is already a child support order in effect so I could take that to a lawyer I'd hire.
> 
> Would like to get the jump on filing first don't want her outta the blue filing since she did say she was redoing her benefits at work.


Well, if you're going to file D, I suppose there's no time like the present. Here's a resource for CS and alimony in Texas. It's a short read. 

You're fortunate. Alimony is capped at 10 years in Texas, and is specifically limited for "rehabilitation" purposes. My state allows lifetime alimony, and it is specifically for the purposes of maintaining the lifestyle your wife was accustomed to. (Which is physically impossible, as you still have to feed yourself, and have to pay CS) 

Texas also has no known law or case law that requires you pay for college. Here's a list of which states do and don't.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Kivlor said:


> You wouldn't get a choice in my state. That is up to your ex spouse and the kids. You exist to pay money.
> 
> Feels good being a man, equal and all, eh?


You live in California, don't you?


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Kivlor said:


> I've been trying to keep that secret and I prefer to keep it that way. I've dropped enough info over my stay here that a clever person could certainly figure it out though.
> 
> I live in the Central US / Midwest. Census claims I live in the "Midwest: West North Central" area.


Ok, I take it back.

Minnesota is almost as crazy as CA


----------



## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

Truth be told. Only ask for half if you really need it. Otherwise it will be better for you both to just move on. You will have the opportunity to rebuild your life. In my first marriage I walked away from it all and I could have taken my hsuband to the cleaners. I left him our 6 bedroom house on the lake, I didn't ask for half his military retirement and I didn't even take what the courts suggested for child support because I knew he had to take on the mortgage of our house. Why did I do all that? I didn't NEED the money. I did't want to use divorce to make money. I knew I had the ability to take care of myself and rebuild my life. I just wanted out the marriage. That was the best thing I could have done. Now I have my own house, my own business, my own money and our daughter is in the military so no more child support. He has gone on with his life and I have remarried a wonderful man. 

It keeps the ugliness out of the divorce process. Divorce is hard enough. 

On the other hand....if she is willing to give you half and there won't be a back and forth fight...go for it. All you can do is ask. The worst she can say is heck no. Then move on. The sooner you can get on with your life the better.


----------

