# Xmas with kids



## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

So I have 50-50 with my kids and ex wife. They at my house last two nights. Their mom wants to come get them early for Xmas today. We are not eating Xmas dinner until 4. She wants to pick them up at 2 so they can eat there and spend time with her parents. 
this year I feel like she made the decision to run around and get pregnant and divorced. Time to pay for her actions and get to pick them up at normal time after 430. She already treats them differently as she lives two lives with her new baby daddy. Kids stay in room and they live with baby in the house. 
I guess what I’m trying to say is that she don’t get to choose when to have them on special holidays like today. She didn’t even call them on Thanksgiving or anything. so I left the text and didn’t respond when she said around 2 she wants to get them. This is the life she chose and needs to start feeling the days when she don’t have them.
I’ve tried to be civil but the hate still there two years later. Really don’t like it still gets me upset so much. I’ve made the attempt and purchased a gift for her new kid and a special gift sentimental gift for her. A picture of her dog. struggling today on deciding to be nice and allow her early time or make her wait until after 430.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

I am sorry you are struggling today. What does your divorce decree say about times for the holidays? It would be unusual for that not to be spelled out and just treated as any other custody day. Whatever you agreed upon is what you should follow. Your feelings on it not being fair because her life choices made this situation really shouldn’t factor in. I also think custody agreements should be followed to the letter in the first years after divorce, especially when there is infidelity. It takes the emotion out of it - this is the contract we signed and this is the contract we follow. You can decide to be nice or not in a few years when both of your lives have stabilized.

I have to ask, if you thought they would normally be picked up at 4:30 why would you make dinner at 4?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Fabio, hurt comes across as I read your post. Is 4:30 the normal time that your ex would get the kids? If so, is there a reason why you planned such a late Christmas dinner? planning a special holiday dinner a half hour before the kids are to be picked up makes little sense to me. My thought here is to ask your ex if she could pick the kids up around 5:00 so you could share the meal together , or move the dinner up to say 1:00 so she can pick them up at 2:00. This is not worth having hard feelings over.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Fabio said:


> So I have 50-50 with my kids and ex wife. They at my house last two nights. Their mom wants to come get them early for Xmas today. We are not eating Xmas dinner until 4. She wants to pick them up at 2 so they can eat there and spend time with her parents.
> this year I feel like she made the decision to run around and get pregnant and divorced. Time to pay for her actions and get to pick them up at normal time after 430. She already treats them differently as she lives two lives with her new baby daddy. Kids stay in room and they live with baby in the house.
> 
> *I would not adjust my time for this. Let her figure it out. It’s not that complicate.*
> ...


No contact is your best friend if you want to get to indifference. Which is where you need to be. I would not be buying her or their kid anything. Why would you do that? Let her go fully.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Do what is best for the kids mate, they've had the most trauma from the breakdown of the family unit. The bottom fell out of their world. They didn't ask for any of this to happen.

I happen to agree with you that your pos ex deserves a **** sandwich, but if you keep the kids best interests at the top of your list, you'll make the right decision.


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## bomjia (Nov 4, 2020)

Yeah, a sad story that happens too often in too many families, unfortunately. I believe what is important in such cases is to avoid making mistakes that will affect your relationship with your child. Don't try to be secretive about what is happening, but guard against providing too much information, don't put your children in the middle of a situation, and don't speak negatively about your spouse. Also, I would suggest you superhero capes as a Christmas gift for your child, because it symbolizes his strength and mental toughness to overcome any difficulties he might face in his life.


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