# limited contact, what's acceptable?



## enorevlap (May 14, 2012)

My wife, on her giving me no choice, are going through a divorce.

Our process hasn't started yet for a number of very complicated reasons, but after my discovery of a relationship with an OM that I discovered only in April but has been going on since February, things have gotten progressively worse.

The problem right now is the way she is limiting contact with anyone in her "old life" including me and our children.

Since I discovered the affair, communications with her has dropped almost completely. In fact, she has created such a barrier between us that it is, in my opinion, irresponsible and unacceptable. She moved out of where she was living (My family's home) and went into "hiding" and I do not know where, but she 

We, because of our situation, have about 5,000 miles between us and we are ahead of her 13 hours in time. So when we wake up, she's going into the evening time.

I have, on multiple occasions, requested a proper way to contact her in case of an emergency with our children so I can 1) inform her, and 2) get any assistance she might be able to provide.

For the first 3 times I asked her she said "email me, I check it every day" and then finally after telling her it was unacceptable, she said call her work, she's always there.

Now, that too I feel is unacceptable because of our time difference. 

Why? Because ...

During the core hours of when things "usually/could happen" is lets say from 8am to 9pm here, where she's at, it is 7pm to 8am.

The time she is asleep are the times we might need her the most - I know if my children were in need, I don't care what time it is, I need to know!

And if it was just about me, I would accept it, but this woman, who is pressing me that she is a good parent and wants me to grant joint custody, thinks this is being responsible?

Someone clue me in about this, please. Am I being out of line to demand her give me a # where we can reach her in case of emergency, 24 hours? I had already told her, when she said "call my work" that I promise I would not use it in case of emergency, and I meant it. But this is the little she gives us.

Remember, we are 5,000 miles away.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I recommend you use her absence and lack of time with the children as abandonment and sue for complete custody. She has made her choice, the OM not the family. Use that to burn her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

What more can you ask? You have a golden oppurtunity in getting full custody.

Incase of an emergency call 911, its not like she is going to fly 5000miles as soon as you call her. She made her choice, so should you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree.

Do you have an email or letter from her giving you instructions to call her at work or send her email if there is an emergency? That would help you in getting 100% custody. With her distance and her being in a different country you are almost assurred of getting 100% custody.

You know, she might have her email go to her cell phone. If that's the case she would you notified immediately about any emergency no matter where she is or when it is.

At this point she's gone. You need to accept that this is all there is. She has moved out of the lives of her children. Some people are like that.. they can leave their children. It happens more than most people realize.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Seriously! She's 5000 miles away. If there were an emergency, what possible good could she do, anyway? Sorry, but she sounds like a nut job to boot. If your kids are in trouble they won't benefit from a nut job in hiding 5000 miles away. They have one stable, decent parent and that'll do. Make sure she knows your contact digits and then leave it to her to prove herself a decent mother or a flake. My money's on the flake. Let her build your case for you and take this nut job to court and get full custody of your kids. Given enough rope, most people end up hanging themselves.


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## enorevlap (May 14, 2012)

Thanks for all your feedback, I had since talked to her and stressed again about her being unrealistic.

She says she doesn't have a cell phone, and she refuses to give me the number where she lives - since we talked in chat and she has refused to talk to me with voice or video chat, it's been email or chat. 

She offered for me to call her friend but I told her that's not good enough and I don't trust her 'friend' because she's lied to me and more than likely she's lied to her (which I know she has).

Here is her direct response:


> I will figure out about the phone thing. I want my privacy and i don't trust anybody giving any information about where I am.


This is the same woman that continued to lie and manipulate me about her relationship with the OM because she was afraid I would prevent her from having the children until I discovered it and was only upset because I would keep her from having our children in her life. 

And when I suggest she doesn't want to be involved in the children's lives she says this:


> I want to be involve in my children's lives don't you dare say that i don't want to. they are my children too



Whether or not the grass is truly greener on the other side, going through this absolutely sucks.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

I also questioned my stbxw priority with the children and she said they are her priority... yet she never shows up for her mid week visitation, when its not her weekend she doesn't show up for our daughters dance class. There sense of priority is a selfish one where they do what they need with the kids to feel fulfilled enough to refocus on themselves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Your STBXW is living with the OM. That is why she doesn't want you to know where she is. Also, the kids are not her priority. If they were, she would not have left in the first place. Here are the facts:

1. She moved out of the marital home to a place 5000 miles away. That is abandonment.
2. She left her kids behind and is telling you that they are her priority. This is complete BS. Any parent who leaves children behind is below whale sh!t to me and does not deserve children until they repent of this behavior. 
3. She is selfish and thinks only about herself and is living the fantasy life with OM which children get in the way of. Children = reality and fantasy and reality can not exist together. 

She made her decision. File for sole (full custody is NOT a legal term) custody and child support. She may not want you to know where she is so she cannot be served with court documents but there are ways around this. Once you file, let he know that you did and she will have to come home to attend the hearings or you win by default. This could not be easier or better for you. Good luck.

PS: You can hire a private investigator to figure out where she lives. Using the IP where her email is coming from is the first step to narrow down her area and then the PI can do the rest. Once you have the address, then the process server can serve the court doucments on her or you can use the PI to gather evidence of adultery for use in court later.


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