# Contacted by OW last night.



## henley (Feb 29, 2012)

I was contacted by the OW last night via text. 

She berated me and called me to the lowest. Told me I was fat, boring, useless, pretentious, etc, etc. 

I thought I had been prepared for some sort of a blow up at some point in time but it was a million times worse than I could have imagined. It is shocking to me that someone who is supposed to be so insignificant had such an effect on me. She threatened me physically and when I told her to stay out of OUR life, she responded with "no problem, I plan on staying out of YOUR life". I felt that she was trying to make the point very clear that she has no intentions of not contacting my husband who has promised me to not have contact with her again. She alluded to the fact that they are still talking/seeing each other as well. 

Then this am I received a text from her apologizing and saying that she didn't mean everything she had said and that she would leave and never contact me again (again, nothing about my husband). It was almost as if she wanted me to feel sorry for her since she now has to quit her job and leave her home - even though I know she has wanted all of these things for a long time since her own relationship has been on the rocks for years (held together for their son)

Seriously..... how am I supposed to cope with any of this! Or even make sense of any of it.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Why have you not changed your contact details, have you told your spouse of the contact?

Another suggestion is to go to a lawyer , draft a letter that states if she contacts either of you she will be charged with harassment , both you and your spouse should sign it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I would say she is a bunny boiler hoping to destroy your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She wrote you back to apologize because your hubby told her to. They are still in contact and the affair is ongoing. I agree you are putting yourself in danger by allowing your husband to stay.

Your husband needs sanctions. See a lawyer and start the process. When your husband knows you mean business and that he might lose his kids, he may start to play a different tune. Reasoning with him has not worked for you so far. Time to smack him upside the head with a divorce decree.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

My phone won't allow me to check your old posts; have you exposed her adultery to her family and friends? Even if you have do so again and mention therein that she is making threats against you. Do not tell your husband .

Personally I would hold off on the divorce for a while and turn the screws on them , she is already cracking as he has not run off to be with her . Over time she will learn she is nothing more than a cheap affair and any promises he made are false.

Run the 180 but do tell him that she is now threatening you and progress with the lawyers letter . If he declines you have no choice but to let his parents and siblings know of his support of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> She wrote you back to apologize because your hubby told her too. They are still in contact and the affair is ongoing. I agree you are putting yourself in danger by allowing your husband to stay


I agree , are you able to verify if they are still in contact?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squiffy (Oct 26, 2010)

It's hard to make sense of things like this, and it is very upsetting <hugs>. There is the possibility that the OW is using sneaky tactics to try to win your husband back. 

In my case after D-Day/NC letter the OW threatened to make life difficult for me. She sent untruthful messages on my husbands phone (knowing that I was reading it), eg saying 'hi babe, are we still meeting for lunch today?', she told lies about other people saying what a great couple they were (people who didn't even know about the affair), then eventually she sent nasty texts directed towards me telling me how much I'd ruined his life etc. She even posed as a concerned friend saying "Im OW's friend and I'm so worried about her....". This is the same person, who just after D-day, apparently offered to counsel me and my husband so we could work things out together.... lol.

So basically, if you have an OW like we did, you can't really believe too much of what she says because of her motivations. I think our OW truly believed that I was an awful person and was doing her best to save my husband from me - she felt I had some sort of 'hold' over him and he 'couldn't get away from me'.

The way we dealt with this was to totally ignore her. It took a while, but eventually she went away. Although I am expecting her to pop up again in the future.... she was VERY determined to get him.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

As Bandit.45 says, they are in contact. You need to deal with your H and OM has no business to talk to you. 

It is only BS that contact OW or OM. How is it reverse in your case?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think hubby got access to her phone in the morning. Also save her threats.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Was this on the phone?

Why didn't you hang up?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If she threatened you physcally, file a police report.

Always take threats of violence seriously.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Your husband told her to call you. He found out she was mean to you and made her do it. She may have even used this contact to re-establish the affair! But I doubt it, it may have never stopped.

Actually, I think he did end it. She was pretty over-the-top saying all those things, sounds like a woman who lost the game. I think a lot of affair partners get a giant ego boost out of being chosen over the spouse. When that fails it is pretty ugly.

But he told her to quit it and she IS DOING THAT PLUS SAYING SORRY? He was prolly sitting right there making her dial the number...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She berated you and called you low.....this coming from an adultor?

Stop letting poeple define you, especially someone with a moral compass like the OW. 

This crap is hard and I've been there, you just have to take a good look at the kind of person you are dealing with and the valdiality they offer. 

If someone is better then me I have to belittle them and screw with them, it makes me feel better. Granted you don't want to make the OW feel better so you could have just laughted at her, but now that the deal is done, you will have to laugh on the inside, knowing what she is made of, and knowing what you are made of and hold your head up high knowing the OW just validated what *we* as betrayed, already know....*they are the lowest* !!!!!!

Sure it sucks that bad poeple have to berate others to feel good, but then there are alot of good poeple in the world that don't.


In other words, its not you, its her, you just happened to be on the recieving end of her unhealthy behavior. Don't let it get to you.


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