# I just want my libido gone



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Gaaaaaah, I’m so miserable ladies lol. I’m a widow, tried half heartedly to date, but I’m not into like I thought I might be. I certainly wasn’t trying to date to find a man to sleep with. I guess I just want some male companionship and in the same breath I don’t because k don’t want to put myself at risk of the physicality aspect. 

I’m just for real miserable in so many ways, it would be easier to deal with if I didn’t have to deal with the raging hormones of wanting a man. 😆 none of this probably makes sense. 

Really hate this. Just when I think I’m getting used to it all, it doesn’t feel like I’ve gained any ground in learning how to be this new person.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I'm a guy so I can't fully grasp your conflicting feelings and contradiction within your own wants and needs, but in the general sense I think sexuality and the drive to connect with someone on an intimate level if what makes us alive and makes us a sentient being. 

If you have no drive, it means the shovels of dirt are starting to rain down on your casket. sexuality is what brings forth life. It is the antithesis of death. 

You may be conflicted in what you want vs where you are at in your personal life vs what options are available to you in terms of a relationship at this particular moment,,,,, but feeling sexually charge means you are ALIVE and it means you are vital and that you have yourself to offer to the world. 

Anything is a possibility now. Anything could happen tomorrow (or even tonight ) Your life can change on dime, and that is because you are alive. 

You may have conflicting agendas on what level of relationship you want in your life at the moment but you don't really want your libido gone because that is what separates you from a rock on the ground and reminds you that you are alive and vital. 
That other stuff will all fall into place in time whether it be tomorrow, next week, next month or several months from now, but it will happen. 

We're humans, we all want to connect and bond. It's what we do. It's the very chemistry and physics of life - electrons and protons ultimately find each other and connect.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Gaaaaaah, I’m so miserable ladies lol. I’m a widow, tried half heartedly to date, but I’m not into like I thought I might be. I certainly wasn’t trying to date to find a man to sleep with. I guess I just want some male companionship and in the same breath I don’t because k don’t want to put myself at risk of the physicality aspect.
> 
> I’m just for real miserable in so many ways, it would be easier to deal with if I didn’t have to deal with the raging hormones of wanting a man. 😆 none of this probably makes sense.
> 
> Really hate this. Just when I think I’m getting used to it all, it doesn’t feel like I’ve gained any ground in learning how to be this new person.


You're making progress, even if you don't know it. There will be moments when you realize that you didn't think about your situation because you were too busy caught up in whatever you were doing.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Or instead of trying to twist yourself into a pretzel, and wanting your libido to be gone. You could, try sharing sex with some people.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

((( HUGS ))), unfortunately internetly non sexually.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Personal said:


> Or instead of trying to twist yourself into a pretzel, and wanting your libido to be gone. You could, try sharing sex with some people.


I think she'd rather keep her morality intact.
@Bulfrog1987, are you going to social events of any kind?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Gaaaaaah, I’m so miserable ladies lol. I’m a widow, tried half heartedly to date, but I’m not into like I thought I might be. I certainly wasn’t trying to date to find a man to sleep with. I guess I just want some male companionship and in the same breath I don’t because k don’t want to put myself at risk of the physicality aspect.
> 
> I’m just for real miserable in so many ways, it would be easier to deal with if I didn’t have to deal with the raging hormones of wanting a man. 😆 none of this probably makes sense.
> 
> Really hate this. Just when I think I’m getting used to it all, it doesn’t feel like I’ve gained any ground in learning how to be this new person.


Not laughing at you but with you. I definitely know how it feels though not to your extent.

I have sometimes been separated by work for months at a time from my Mrs. and traffic signs start looking good!😋


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

UAArchangel said:


> I think she'd rather keep her morality intact.
> @Bulfrog1987, are you going to social events of any kind?


No, beyond church no. I don’t have people to keep my son. I mean, I have great help and people would keep him for a few hours but I don’t feel like I’m at a point to ask them to keep him so I can mingle or? Not sure if that makes sense. 

Probably a sign I’m not really ready to date.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Personal said:


> Or instead of trying to twist yourself into a pretzel, and wanting your libido to be gone. You could, try sharing sex with some people.


I don’t have a desire enough to take things that far. I honestly pray so deeply I don’t cave to a hookup or whatever you want to refer to it as. I’m not willing to give myself to just anyone after what I’ve been through. No way.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I don’t have a desire enough to take things that far. I honestly pray so deeply I don’t cave to a hookup or whatever you want to refer to it as. I’m not willing to give myself to just anyone after what I’ve been through. No way.


 I do know how you feel. At least I have a wife to cuddle, but am living the rest of it.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> No, beyond church no. I don’t have people to keep my son. I mean, I have great help and people would keep him for a few hours but I don’t feel like I’m at a point to ask them to keep him so I can mingle or? Not sure if that makes sense.
> 
> Probably a sign I’m not really ready to date.


Until you are ready to date, you can use the time to get back in shape and tend to your diet and other health matters, so you are at your best when you are ready.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> I'm a guy so I can't fully grasp your conflicting feelings and contradiction within your own wants and needs, but in the general sense I think sexuality and the drive to connect with someone on an intimate level if what makes us alive and makes us a sentient being.
> 
> If you have no drive, it means the shovels of dirt are starting to rain down on your casket. sexuality is what brings forth life. It is the antithesis of death.
> 
> ...


Thank you for these words. It truly gives me hope and you’re right. I’ve just been down and I’m very lonely right now. I know it’s okay to be alone though and I’m not afraid of it, I just sadly lived alone it’s felt like for years even when I had husband and now, well the words “you don’t know what you have” that he spit at me last fall come rushing back and sometimes I think he was right. 

Although it was in that moment when I fired back it was HE who didn’t ever know what he had in me and that is true no matter what. 

_sigh_ it’s just part of the deal, no way around it all but through and going through it sucks.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

UAArchangel said:


> Until you are ready to date, you can use the time to get back in shape and tend to your diet and other health matters, so you are at your best when you are ready.


Yes I do work out three times a week while my son is at school on my off days. Diet, meh.. cooking is a hobby I enjoy too much lol. Other enjoy my hobby too and that makes me happy. But, I’m working on my physical self but that’s actually not the hard part.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Yes I do work out three times a week while my son is at school on my off days. Diet, meh.. cooking is a hobby I enjoy too much lol. Other enjoy my hobby too and that makes me happy. But, I’m working on my physical self but that’s actually not the hard part.


I think the working out as just a way to take the edge off the sexual urges.....maybe? Best to you @Bulfrog1987


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> _sigh_ it’s just part of the deal, no way around it all but through and going through it sucks.


Hang in @Bulfrog1987, there is a light.



Bulfrog1987 said:


> But, I’m working on my physical self but that’s actually not the hard part.


The hard part is the blank future in front of you that you thought was written.
This is a new future, a new beginning. If there is one thing that you know now, it is yours.
It always has been, but now you know for sure.
No need to rush. Think about what would make you happy to wake up in the morning, jump out of bed.
Do that.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

harperlee said:


> Hang in @Bulfrog1987, there is a light.
> 
> 
> The hard part is the blank future in front of you that you thought was written.
> ...


Thank you for the encouragement.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Gaaaaaah, I’m so miserable ladies lol. I’m a widow, tried half heartedly to date, but I’m not into like I thought I might be. I certainly wasn’t trying to date to find a man to sleep with. I guess I just want some male companionship and in the same breath I don’t because k don’t want to put myself at risk of the physicality aspect.
> 
> I’m just for real miserable in so many ways, it would be easier to deal with if I didn’t have to deal with the raging hormones of wanting a man. 😆 none of this probably makes sense.
> 
> Really hate this. Just when I think I’m getting used to it all, it doesn’t feel like I’ve gained any ground in learning how to be this new person.


It does get annoying, and I'm male but I have the same desire.
In the end, I gave in this christmas. I didn't expect the bridge to remain standing after burning it but hey, saved me swiping again.

We still haven't met up again though only recently got back in contact (my fbuddy from a few months ago), and already I'm feeling miserable about it. 
My mind and my heart doesn't want to but my body craves it and it is very insistent.

I'm on the bridge still... wondering whether to ghost her again or just put up with her for the sex as recent exchanges made me realise she's putting up with me for the sex as well.

I really don't have much advice, just know you aren't alone in this. I think only @minimalME here has reached the level of enlightenment we can only dream of.


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## mwise003 (1 mo ago)

Cooking is my hobby too and I love to share like you. However, now in my late 40's I've had to curtail my real meals for weekends/holidays only. I also work out 3 days a week.

Have you tried taking care of your own needs in the interim? I know it doesn't replace real intimacy, but it does scratch the itch so to speak.
You could also maybe do a hybrid FWB, one where you are great friends, maybe travel together and have sex. Just no lovey-dovey stuff.... just spitballing.

I couldn't imagine losing my spouse. I know I would never love another the same way and would never get remarried. Fortunately for me, I don't need that to have sex, never did. That being said, sex with someone you love is on a whole different level and I respect your moral convictions. Sorry for your loss....


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

mwise003 said:


> Cooking is my hobby too and I love to share like you. However, now in my late 40's I've had to curtail my real meals for weekends/holidays only. I also work out 3 days a week.
> 
> Have you tried taking care of your own needs in the interim? I know it doesn't replace real intimacy, but it does scratch the itch so to speak.
> You could also maybe do a hybrid FWB, one where you are great friends, maybe travel together and have sex. Just no lovey-dovey stuff.... just spitballing.
> ...


I could never do a fwb situation. I do value anyones inout though. Just looks like it will be what it is for a good while. I can handle it. I just need not to be a whiner lol.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I could never do a fwb situation. I do value anyones inout though. Just looks like it will be what it is for a good while. I can handle it. I just need not to be a whiner lol.


I admire your self awareness when it comes to this however, sadly many women aren't and bite off more than they can chew.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

The best libido killer is marriage. Maybe you could convince yourself you're married.

(I'm just having fun. No harm intended.)


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> I admire your self awareness when it comes to this however, sadly many women aren't and bite off more than they can chew.


Yeah you scare me lol. I’m a afraid of the guy who wants the type of non-relationship you want but isn’t open about it just to try to get in bed.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Yeah you scare me lol. I’m a afraid of the guy who wants the type of non-relationship you want but isn’t open about it just to try to get in bed.


I'm as innocent and harmless as a kitty cat hehe 😇 (🤫)

I know what you mean though, like that guy in the other thread lol


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Sfort said:


> The best libido killer is marriage. Maybe you could convince yourself you're married.
> 
> (I'm just having fun. No harm intended.)


I don’t agree with this, libido killer in marriage is only a thing when spouses are selfish.


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