# Do I stay? Do I leave? CONFUSED!



## LC77 (Sep 13, 2010)

I will try to make this as short as possible. I am 29 yrs old and my husband is 31. We have been together going on 10 yrs and married for 6. We got married very young. When we got married we were so in love and my world literally revolved around him. Everything I did was for him. I was a very co-dependent person and in some way think this is why he fell in love with me. I come from a family where it was only my mom and I, so to find someone like him who completely adored me and loved my neediness meant the world to me in some crazy way.

Everything was so perfect for a really long time. Or at least I thought it was perfect. We both finished college and started our careers. I was always the go getter in our relationship. Always pushing him to be better. About 3 yrs ago he started putting a lot of pressure on me to have children. I wasn’t ready. This started causing a lot of issues between him, his family and me. Again, I don’t think I realized it until after the fact. Around this time, it got crazy emotional for me and literally from one day to the next I told him I wanted to separate. It came to him as complete surprise. It came to me as a surprise as well. I was literally DONE. I could no longer take coming 2nd in his life.

We separated for about 6 months and a lot of things happened within those 6 months. I very casually saw someone and I believe he did the same thing. We decided to seek counseling (both individually and together) to try to fix our marriage. Ultimately we got back together and again and I made myself believe that I was truly happy and he was meant for me and how idiotic I was to think that I would ever find someone as good as him.

Fast forward to now. Within the last year I have emotionally been miserable. I want to make myself believe that I love him and we are meant to be together but I have so much resentment and anger towards him and his family that the thought of being with him drives me insane. We are so different in every aspect. The way we want to raise our children, religion, political views. You name it, we have different views. I never realized how different we were until after the separation. Until I realized I had a voice in my marriage. Regardless, I am so scared of change and giving up the foundation I/we have created. Every day I make my mind up that I do not want to be in this marriage and every day I try to convince myself that I’m crazy to want out and how I could possibly be so selfish.

The worst part is that I truly love him. He is my best friend. But we are just so different now. We had a fall out a couple of weeks ago and he asked me if I was still in love with him. I think I am in love with the person I “want” him to be and I think he is in love with the person he fell in love with 10 yrs ago, which I am not anymore. I know marriage is all about compromise, but unfortunately I believe these are the 2 issues that neither of us is willing to compromise on. He even told me that before my life used to revolve around him and now it doesn’t. I am so confused. We both deserve to be happy and we both know living like this is not healthy. In some crazy way I wish he would do something so horrible to piss me off to make it easier for me to leave. But this is not the case. I think we’ve just both grown apart. How do I come to terms with that? How do I know I’m making the right decision and won’t regret it later? I am SO confused! HELP!


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

You ain't that confused. I think you already got the answer you wanted but you would hesitate looking around and looking into the past... what do you wanna do is really depends on you. So, go for it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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