# Feeling Stuck



## MNSoldier (Jan 18, 2011)

Hello,
I stumbled upon this forum and I am rather thankful I did. I am hoping to get some advice from the people here; I’m in a bit of a pickle and I don’t know what to do. I am 31 years old and married to my High School Sweetheart for the past 7 ½ years. She is an extremely successful business woman and I am in the middle of changing careers from construction to the corporate world (back in school finishing up my degree). I am also a National Guard soldier with another deployment just months away. We also have an 11 month old baby boy who is the light of my life! In my relationship we don’t do “small things” In the past 5 years, we have faced many large stressors: I was deployed to Iraq for 22 months, layoffs, career change, school, birth of a child, a very serious injury, and now another deployment literally 4 months away. 

Most times I welcome a divorce, but I cannot bear the thought of not seeing my son on a daily basis. We’ve tried to have conversations about it, and we are in counseling…for the third time! She says she is committed to our marriage and is just waiting for me to see if I am or not. I don’t have an honest answer for her. I feel we have driven so hard to be successful in our own careers that we ended up being driven apart. We act like roommates. Intimacy has always been an issue in our relationship, and we’ve tried to fix it in the past. I am at the point where her attitude towards me makes her unattractive. As I said before she is a successful business woman, in today’s society, she has to be tough in her line of work. She unfortunately brings that persona home. She is SO business minded that we have had conversations on how to minimize the monetary impact of a divorce if we do indeed file!

I feel like I am up against a wall. I don’t think my marriage could survive another deployment, but I don’t think there is even enough time to repair it to a level where it could survive before I deploy again! She is working insane hours due to the Tax season, and I have 4 weeks of military training coming up very soon. I don’t want to make a preemptive move and divorce when it could work out, but I’m also trying to be a realist…time is my enemy.


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm also stuck in a bad marriage with my wife of almost 9 years because of kids and indecision on my part, but my kids are 6 and 3. My wife has no interest in the slightest intimacy (kissing, hugs, hand holding, touching), much less sex which we last had about a year ago. But do you have any idea how wonderful it is to the parent of a 6 year-old princess and and a 3 year-old dinosaur, truck, music-loving boy?! A divorce means I crush the spirit of the two people I love most in this world, force us to sell a dream house on a street filled with kids their age with a nice park 100 yards away, and likely send my wife into a tailspin of depression (if she's not already there). We don't fight; we help each other out; we're just emotionately separate people. And we tried counseling already too. I wish I had an answer for both of us, but after kids are involved there is no 100% right or wrong decision. I'm also staying for selfish reasons; I don't want to miss a moment of raising my kids. I know I could still be a good dad if my wife and I divorced, but I just don't see how it could be anything close to the same for any of us.

I do think once you bring kids into the fold, you try, try, try and then try some more to keep the family together. It's not fair to you or me, but is it too big of a price to pay for the health and happiness of your kid?

Perhaps seek out a good book that you think addresses your emotions. I've read some in the past and sometimes you never know where you might uncover some clarity.


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