# hey everybody



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

sorry i've stepped away, any ways life is pretty good, almost have the divorce settled, have spent a lot of time reflecting on what i want/need out of life & i'm in a really great place & i got here on my own with out dating anybody, spend a ton of time with the kids, traded work for a boat & a camper so this summer will be an absolute blast. can't wait to take some much needed time off, i pouted so much last summer i ruined it for myself which sucked but i'm in great spirits again. i actually love who i am & what i've done & what i stand for, seems some other attractive ladies think the same but i'm no where ready to date yet, i'll know when i am. just wanted to give an update on myself & to tell everybody that i've missed them & will be around a little more often.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Nice to see your update OVS...was just wondering about you the other day.You sound like you're in a good place.Missed seeing you around as you've always been such a positive support in this community.The camper and boat will make for a nice relaxing summer and it for sure can only be a better summer as you're so much more aware of where you're headed than you were last year.Hope to keep hearing from you.Take care my friend.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

Glad to hear that life is good again.. I followed your threads am happy for you.. the kids will love boating and camping.

Remember, the greatest 2 days for a boater are the day you buy it and the day you sell it... LOL


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I'm new here - I'm having a down day so it was nice to read your post and see how happy & content you seem to be. It gives me hope for the future - something I'm having a little trouble with today.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

yeah those days will come & go, it just takes time, some serious time & things start to fade, when you find yourself & become non co-dependant is when the healing started, i've erased all my past threads but i went through hell, all the advice given i couldn't grasp at the time but i now see how it all makes sense, remember this is the only life we have, live it to the fullest for you & your kids if you have them, everything else falls into place. it took me a long time but i'm glad & happy to be where i am now FINALLY !!!!


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

TBT said:


> Nice to see your update OVS...was just wondering about you the other day.You sound like you're in a good place.Missed seeing you around as you've always been such a positive support in this community.The camper and boat will make for a nice relaxing summer and it for sure can only be a better summer as you're so much more aware of where you're headed than you were last year.Hope to keep hearing from you.Take care my friend.


i'll back more now to offer any support & advice i can give, it's my turn to pay it forward


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hi sweetie!! Missed you! Glad to hear you're doing better.  I've moved on to the Life After Divorce forum. It's really not so bad.  See you there soon!


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Hi sweetie!! Missed you! Glad to hear you're doing better.  I've moved on to the Life After Divorce forum. It's really not so bad.  See you there soon!


i'll be there :smthumbup:, missed you angel !!!


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Good to see you here and happy, brother.

Welcome back.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Hey bro!

Great to see you back again. Was worried about you man!

Welcome back!!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

our vision shattered said:


> yeah those days will come & go, it just takes time, some serious time & things start to fade, when you find yourself & become non co-dependant is when the healing started, i've erased all my past threads but i went through hell, all the advice given i couldn't grasp at the time but i now see how it all makes sense, remember this is the only life we have, live it to the fullest for you & your kids if you have them, everything else falls into place. it took me a long time but i'm glad & happy to be where i am now FINALLY !!!!


My mind know that this will take time but it still hurts and the future is scary. In my case he left for someone else and moved from this house directly to hers with no warning. Of course in retrospect I can see the signs but while I was living it I didn't
I understand what you're saying about advice. Some of it makes sense but not all of it yet. I know I have a long way to go. I just hope that a year from now I can look back to this time and be in a happier place.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> My mind know that this will take time but it still hurts and the future is scary. In my case he left for someone else and moved from this house directly to hers with no warning. Of course in retrospect I can see the signs but while I was living it I didn't
> I understand what you're saying about advice. Some of it makes sense but not all of it yet. I know I have a long way to go. I just hope that a year from now I can look back to this time and be in a happier place.


next month will be a year with some serious crazy roller coaster rides up to about 2 mos ago, something just clicked, i can't explain it but i'm happier now than i've been in years. i was a hard case though & so very co-dependant it wasn't funny, conrad dumped so much lumber on my head lol, i had to spend time with myself to find myself, ive been a husband & father for almost 21 years, but i lost who i was which made me miserable.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> Hey bro!
> 
> Great to see you back again. Was worried about you man!
> 
> Welcome back!!


missed you bro, thx nice to be back


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

our vision shattered said:


> next month will be a year with some serious crazy roller coaster rides up to about 2 mos ago, something just clicked, i can't explain it but i'm happier now than i've been in years. i was a hard case though & so very co-dependant it wasn't funny, conrad dumped so much lumber on my head lol, i had to spend time with myself to find myself, ive been a husband & father for almost 21 years, but i lost who i was which made me miserable.


Ive been a wife & mother for almost 25 years ( well of course I'm still a mom- Loll) & we married young so Ive been married for more than 1/2 my life. So this is going to be a huge adjustment. I went out with a bunch of old friends (people I knew since I was 12) that I haven't spoken to since I got married. It was the most awkward thing I have done. It was so strange to not wear my wedding band out & go out as a single person.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Hi, ovs! Good to see you back. You were so helpful with bcc's situation. We can always use encouraging advice around these parts.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Ive been a wife & mother for almost 25 years ( well of course I'm still a mom- Loll) & we married young so Ive been married for more than 1/2 my life. So this is going to be a huge adjustment. I went out with a bunch of old friends (people I knew since I was 12) that I haven't spoken to since I got married. It was the most awkward thing I have done. It was so strange to not wear my wedding band out & go out as a single person.


i know the feeling about going out without the ring, i stopped wearing mine 6mos ago so i'm used to it now, i going to have mine melted & remade with the diamonds in a complete different design. you have to remember this is probably the biggest adjustment you'll ever have in the rest of your life. this is huge, i'm going to have to read up on your story to catch up, go slow & only do what feels good. have to make a list of the pro's & cons & i'll bet in time you'll be a happier more confident person, you can't rush it though, just have to buckle up & ride it out, pm me anytime, you can also find me on facebook as andy mellott


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Hi, ovs! Good to see you back. You were so helpful with bcc's situation. We can always use encouraging advice around these parts.


thank you, it's nice to be back :smthumbup:


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

our vision shattered said:


> i know the feeling about going out without the ring, i stopped wearing mine 6mos ago so i'm used to it now, i going to have mine melted & remade with the diamonds in a complete different design. you have to remember this is probably the biggest adjustment you'll ever have in the rest of your life. this is huge, i'm going to have to read up on your story to catch up, go slow & only do what feels good. have to make a list of the pro's & cons & i'll bet in time you'll be a happier more confident person, you can't rush it though, just have to buckle up & ride it out, pm me anytime, you can also find me on facebook as andy mellott


I took them off right away. The way he left - I felt stupid wearing them. They're in a box in my dresser. I cant even look at them. I have already made a mental list -which I need to put on paper- of pros & cons and the cons are outweighing the pros. Thanks for the positive words!


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Hey OVS nice to see you are doing well


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Just wanted to say thanks - I actually woke up with a positive attitude this morning. My oldest son had to text his dad this morning about something & it didn't rattle me ( long story on why it would have) . I put what my situation was in a long thread (2 actually but the first one is no where to be found)- its out there somewhere.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> Hey OVS nice to see you are doing well


doing great & it feels GOOD !!!!


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Just wanted to say thanks - I actually woke up with a positive attitude this morning. My oldest son had to text his dad this morning about something & it didn't rattle me ( long story on why it would have) . I put what my situation was in a long thread (2 actually but the first one is no where to be found)- its out there somewhere.


my pleasure, i'm glad some positivity helped, i'm always around so if you ever just need to talk or vent thats what i'm here for


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

our vision shattered said:


> my pleasure, i'm glad some positivity helped, i'm always around so if you ever just need to talk or vent thats what i'm here for


Thanks I will probably take you up on that. Having a good day today but I'm learning that could change day to day. Good days are starting to become more frequent but bad spells still creep in. One day at a time I guess.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Thanks I will probably take you up on that. Having a good day today but I'm learning that could change day to day. Good days are starting to become more frequent but bad spells still creep in. One day at a time I guess.


totally totally normal, enjoy the good days & on bad days do something for you that makes you feel better, i think we all have some bad days but they get way way less as time goes by


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> totally totally normal, enjoy the good days & on bad days do something for you that makes you feel better, i think we all have some bad days but they get way way less as time goes by


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I usually have bad weekends but the kids just brought home a new guinea pig & the dogs birthday is tomorrow ( doggie cake & presents - shes one of the family  ) and youngest sons birthday is Monday so maybe I can make it through this weekend with a smile on my face.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> I usually have bad weekends but the kids just brought home a new guinea pig & the dogs birthday is tomorrow ( doggie cake & presents - shes one of the family  ) and youngest sons birthday is Monday so maybe I can make it through this weekend with a smile on my face.


omg the weekends were the worst, horrible, i own an auto repair business(i give free car advice on here ) so at least in my misery i could kinda keep busy, actually i was so caught up i almost lost this. but the weekends were the worst. i got a puppy who is 6 mos old & 40% custody time with the kids i've just found a routine, the weather is beautiful right now in cali. i'm on here again but i;m always on facebook lol if you need to talk this weekend, i plan on relaxing & doing my household stuff, 2 boys with bronchitis. yuck


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Welcome back Andy. Glad to hear you are in a better place, you deserve to be.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I will have to friend you over there. Ive left my status over there as married because Im not ready for everyone I have on there to know. I do more messaging than posting. Heck I still have my daughters high school family graduation picture up as my profile picture. She graduated college in 2011 LoL!

Your lucky you have good weather- I'm jealous- over here in Nj its cold and Im pretty sure we have rain with a chance of snow tomorrow. We had a nice weekend last week but it was like a tease - it didn't last. I really can't wait for the good weather to come in for good.

Sorry to hear about your boys. Bronchitis is horrible. They end up so miserable because they cant sleep well. My 14 yr old has something going on. Hes all stuffed up. I'm trying to combat it with decongestants - vitamin c & airborne. 

Ah my son could have used your advice - he blew his brake line before he left for school yesterday. Thank God he realized it before he left for school & not while he was on the road. 

Its great you have your kids 40% of the time. If you don't mind me asking - how old are they?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Oh well so much for the good mood. Woke up early this morning with a list of what I have to get done today running through my head - which is fine - but then thoughts of H & what the heck hes up to - he never texted 2 of the kids yesterday which is unusual &I sent him a note about health insurance last weekend & never got an answer. Ugh! I need to try to redirect the thoughts about him and refocus on what me & the kids need to do today. Hope things are okay on your end.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Ok more stress of course. H texted kids- wants to come by the house to see the dog for her birthday.( I know - we have an odd relationship with this dog- shes more like a child) I didn't want him to come here but i suggested my son take the dog tkmeet him somewhere. I just feel if he see her here the dog will think hes staying & now spend the day waiting for him to come back. Of course he resists the idea but then gives in. In the meantime it puts me into a lousy mood. Why is it when I have to deal with him( even if its not directly) it always seems to be overwhelming?


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

because your still co-dependant & your emotions are tied around every small bit of contact, normal, you have to detach a little more every day, as best you can, again most of this comes in time. our you taking any kind of meds or in counseling at all


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> I will have to friend you over there. Ive left my status over there as married because Im not ready for everyone I have on there to know. I do more messaging than posting. Heck I still have my daughters high school family graduation picture up as my profile picture. She graduated college in 2011 LoL!
> 
> Your lucky you have good weather- I'm jealous- over here in Nj its cold and Im pretty sure we have rain with a chance of snow tomorrow. We had a nice weekend last week but it was like a tease - it didn't last. I really can't wait for the good weather to come in for good.
> 
> ...


i have 2 daughters 19 & 18, 3 boys 16,15 &6


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Oh well so much for the good mood. Woke up early this morning with a list of what I have to get done today running through my head - which is fine - but then thoughts of H & what the heck hes up to - he never texted 2 of the kids yesterday which is unusual &I sent him a note about health insurance last weekend & never got an answer. Ugh! I need to try to redirect the thoughts about him and refocus on what me & the kids need to do today. Hope things are okay on your end.


the last sentence before you asked how i am is the most important !!!! write it on your arm with a sharpie everyday 
i'm having a great day, planning a day trip to sf tomorrow to visit my soul which belongs to the oceans, sometimes i wonder if i come from Poseidon :rofl:


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

No - no counceling or meds . I don't have insurance my WH had just started a new job a week before he left. He had told me - in his rush to cut & run- that he would put me on the insurance. I sent him a note last week about it since hes almost at 90 days of employment I figured it was time for him to enroll but never heard back. I do a lot of reading & my cousin is a psychologist so I check in with her once a week. I was able to get out of the mood slightly. Im still a little blah but im not crawling up in a ball. Because i was in a good mood yesterday and it looked like the kids were relieved because i was - I did not want to slip backward. I walk around like a mess every weekend - I wanted to stay together at least one weekend. And who knows - maybe it will lead into a good weekend next week. We got involved it making the dog her cake & my daughter wanted to re arrange some things in her room. Once he agreed to letting my son take the dog to him I felt better. I just really don't want to see him. Its better that way. The less I have to deal with him the better.

Because of the way he left I was pretty much shattered. Ive noticed that I feel better when I don't have to think about him. I'm not a cold and distant person so this it really against my nature. Sometimes i hear that little voice in the back of my head saying " dont be such a b****" But then I have to remember how & why he left and that he chose to go to someone else.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

our vision shattered said:


> the last sentence before you asked how i am is the most important !!!! write it on your arm with a sharpie everyday
> i'm having a great day, planning a day trip to sf tomorrow to visit my soul which belongs to the oceans, sometimes i wonder if i come from Poseidon :rofl:


I visited San Francisco many years ago ( I was 17) it was really nice there. 
Glad your having a nice day. Over here- just as the weatherman said - its snowing.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

happy st paddy's day to all my brothers & sisters here that have irish/scottish blood


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

so tonight if i have some time, ferndog & i swore today we'd start working out again to get ready for summer lol, only time i have is at night after work so i'll try to give ya'll an update on what i've been through since i've been gone & how finally i've made it across the river styx lol, hope all's monday is a good one


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

OVS, is that really you?? You sound too upbeat.....


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

OVS- nice to see you again...and one that sounds like he is smiling more 

yay for you.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Hey VI long time no see... hope you are doing well


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: hey everybody*



unsure78 said:


> Hey VI long time no see... hope you are doing well


Just got back from Mexico...will be updating my thread soon  :thumbup:


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> OVS, is that really you?? You sound too upbeat.....


yep really me, i feel like a new man, just kinda switched, good to be back amongst the living, how the heck are ya :smthumbup:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Ahh Andy

I found your thread.

And you sound like you feel better.

I am glad you found your way back to us.

And I hope your path is a little clearer.

HM64


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Ahh Andy
> 
> I found your thread.
> 
> ...


doing really good happy, feels good to feel like a man again, how are you my friend


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Doing well.

My oldest started college in Boston. My job is slow due to the economy so I am checking out some other options.

But my family is well so no complaints.

How are you handling your Ex?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: hey everybody*



our vision shattered said:


> so tonight if i have some time, ferndog & i swore today we'd start working out again to get ready for summer lol, only time i have is at night after work


My biggest issue with working out was that when I have the kids I have no time to hit the gym during the week. I was still going when I worked evenings but had no consistency.

Decided to give yoga a go just over a week ago and I really enjoy it. Toss it on while the kids eat there night snack, D6 does it until she gets sweaty. Ha.

Then I chase them to bed threatening to give them a sweaty hug!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Love it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Doing well.
> 
> My oldest started college in Boston. My job is slow due to the economy so I am checking out some other options.
> 
> ...


i know about the economy, wow lol, i let a guy go & decided to go back to wrenching, should have done that from day 1, saving myself a payroll which is really nice, put my daughter in cosmotology school & she is doing great & really likes it, she works here for me 10 hrs a week for extra money, it's nice :smthumbup:, congrats on a college student !!!! dani & i are close to finishing, we have become civil with each other & have maybe developed a half ass friendship. i set my boundaries & sticking to them & we really only talk about the kids or whats left to decide. other than that i rarely even think about her, it wasn't healthy. i have my routines & work keeps me busy & talking to a lady i kinda like but i'm not ready to date yet so were just talking. my switched just flipped, hard to explain it, i wouldn't be human if i didn't have a bad day but really at most 1 day a week if that, i found who i am separate of being a husband & a father of five & love what i like about me & changing what i do not like about me. i feel like the old Andy again & thats been awhile, long while so i'm enjoying me if that makes sense:smthumbup:


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> My biggest issue with working out was that when I have the kids I have no time to hit the gym during the week. I was still going when I worked evenings but had no consistency.
> 
> Decided to give yoga a go just over a week ago and I really enjoy it. Toss it on while the kids eat there night snack, D6 does it until she gets sweaty. Ha.
> 
> Then I chase them to bed threatening to give them a sweaty hug!


my first mental picture of you in yoga made me laugh out loud, big ol steel worker lol, but seriously i think thats awesome daddio, you seem good, i like that because YOU also deserve that
:lol:


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: hey everybody*



our vision shattered said:


> my first mental picture of you in yoga made me laugh out loud, big ol steel worker lol, but seriously i think thats awesome daddio, you seem good, i like that because YOU also deserve that
> :lol:


Har har. If I can knock off the extra weight and get half decent at it, I'm going to hit up hot yoga. I hear that's where all the cute ones are.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> Har har. If I can knock off the extra weight and get half decent at it, I'm going to hit up hot yoga. I hear that's where all the cute ones are.


actually i've heard that, hmmmmmm :scratchhead:, maybe i'm doing it all wrong rofl


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

i gotta say i've been pushing a desk for 12 years, always kept current on everything auto but going back to actually working on them...WOW, my 44 yr old body is feeling this, holy crap lol, hope all had a great day doing what you do


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

our vision shattered said:


> i gotta say i've been pushing a desk for 12 years, always kept current on everything auto but going back to actually working on them...WOW, my 44 yr old body is feeling this, holy crap lol, hope all had a great day doing what you do


Just wait until you hit 50


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Just wait until you hit 50


well my business would be 8 yrs old & if i'm not making money by then somethings wrong


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

our vision shattered said:


> well my business would be 8 yrs old & if i'm not making money by then somethings wrong


I'm trying to buy a pharmacy


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## portabledorothy (Mar 19, 2013)

Nice to hear some good news when wading through some of the rough stuff people are going through around here


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I'm trying to buy a pharmacy


are you really, good for you, thats great, hope you & yours are ok


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

portabledorothy said:


> Nice to hear some good news when wading through some of the rough stuff people are going through around here


i know how rough it is, i've got to start visiting some posts, hope you are well


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Hey all, just wanted to say hi & hope everyone is having a good weekend


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Hey OVS,same to you.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

so a little worried, i've been diagnosed with diverticulitis & have an infected abscess on my lower colon & also my liver isn't functioning properly right now, might need hospitalization. everything else is going good but health wise a little spooky, just thought i'd share with all my friends here, wish me luck


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Wow, OVS, sorry to hear this unsettling news. I hope you are getting the best possible medical care, and do not end up needing hospitalization. Wishing you luck and restored health! Keep us posted.

Best Regards,- A12


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good Luck Buddy


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Good luck Andy and I hope you get better soon.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Sorry to hear this, Andy. We both know that stress does a lot to our bodies and right now, we're showing signs of it. Do what ever you can to take care of your body. PM or Text me if you need anything.

Cecille


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

How are you feeling, Andy? Is the pain better? ((hugs)), sweetie!


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