# One of those days..or should I say the whole week..ugh



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

I have so much resentment and hatred towards my husband. I can't stand him. Even looking at him disgusts me. How could he betray me so completely? Given this was 2 years ago..but today..or all week..its just one of those hard times. I can't shake these horrible, negative feelings. I feel like a fool for taking him back....I feel like I sold myself short. Do I even love him? Today..I don't want R anymore. Ahhhh!!!! Words of wisdom please!


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

... divorce?


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Jibril said:


> ... divorce?


If a 3 year old amazing little boy wasn't involved..that would of been the outcome. Our son is a great reason in my opinion to get through these days. I just need a good kick in the butt!


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## E8H3 (May 7, 2012)

Do you feel he is truly remorseful and doing everything in his power to make you able to trust him again, or is he sweeping it all under the rug?


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

E8H3 said:


> Do you feel he is truly remorseful and doing everything in his power to make you able to trust him again, or is he sweeping it all under the rug?


I want to feel like he's trying...but there's always that part of be that feels like he's not truly remorseful. Sometimes I believe he is..others o feel like its fake.

In his defense, he can't win. If he isn't remorseful.. I'm not happy..if he is remorseful...I feel like its just an act.


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## eman (Jun 4, 2012)

Ano said:


> I want to feel like he's trying...but there's always that part of be that feels like he's not truly remorseful. Sometimes I believe he is..others o feel like its fake.
> 
> *In his defense, he can't win*. If he isn't remorseful.. I'm not happy..if he is remorseful...I feel like its just an act.


Maybe there's something holding you back and you need to look inside yourself for the answer. I would never claim to understand the pain you must feel towards what he's done to you, but maybe there's room for improvement in both of you?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

It stinks. Hang in there and you are not at the breaking point yet. I am not either and it stinks because we feel like we are stuck. Justified in leaving but there is so much that keeps us in the marriage, kids, money, love, memories, hope, etc and they all get jumbled up with hate, I wish she would just die, the pain, etc. And it sucks. I had thoughts that if she got into an car accident and got killed I would be better off. Might sound stupid but it would be alot easier and I would be forced to move on.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> It stinks. Hang in there and you are not at the breaking point yet. I am not either and it stinks because we feel like we are stuck. Justified in leaving but there is so much that keeps us in the marriage, kids, money, love, memories, hope, etc and they all get jumbled up with hate, I wish she would just die, the pain, etc. And it sucks. I had thoughts that if she got into an car accident and got killed I would be better off. Might sound stupid but it would be alot easier and I would be forced to move on.


Its as if you wrote my thoughts down! We can do this! We have too..because its worth it, right? We are already broken..so taking the chance to fix this can't hurt us anymore.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

eman said:


> Maybe there's something holding you back and you need to look inside yourself for the answer. I would never claim to understand the pain you must feel towards what he's done to you, but maybe there's room for improvement in both of you?


There is definitely something holding me back. I just need to figure out what. There are many ways in which we both could improve , and we talk about doing so. Needless to say, easier said then done.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Take the day off with your 3 yr old.

Go to the zoo, or pack a lunch and go have a picnic...
just you two. Spend quality time together.

I've found after all of this, my children are my saving graces.
They give me so much unconditional love.

When times are tough mentally, I look at them and I can't
help but light up from the inside out.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Are you guys in Marriage Counseling?


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## eman (Jun 4, 2012)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> Are you guys in Marriage Counseling?


This


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Ano said:


> There is definitely something holding me back. I just need to figure out what. There are many ways in which we both could improve , and we talk about doing so. Needless to say, easier said then done.


Not knowing all your history. I would ask did you forgive him? I am struggling with that right now? I want to forgive my wife but I have something holding me back. We are in MC, Did you an your husband try MC do you need to go back?

I agree with another post. Just look at your kid get and give a hug and head to the park. Swings and slides will change the day or at least get you through this one.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

We have not gone to MC. I am quickly finding out that I rug swept and am being affected now, 2 years later, more then ever before.

I wish I could say I have forgiven him, but I would be lying. I want to forgive him. I've read books and listened in on a seminar on how to forgive.. but I can't seem to do it. 

Forgiveness is supposedly a choice. You either choose to forgive or your choose to let it tear you down everyday. After all, its hurting and effecting us holding onto this hurt and guilt more then its hurting our spouse who caused all the pain. 

That being said, if forgiveness is infact a choice, why are we choosing to not forgive and allow this to repeatedly crush us? 

My choice is to forgive my husband and live happily ever after....but my heart isn't letting me make the decision on forgiving him or not.

So mind boggling.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Forgiveness is one of those words that can take on many meanings. One of the many definitions is simply accepting the truth that this bad thing happened, rather than wishing it away. That doesn't mean you're happy about it but simply acknowledging that it is a part of the fabric of your life. Sometimes we can be in denial about that because we want to go back to a happier time when we were ignorant about the affair.

If you feel you've rugswept, then by all means, go to MC. Find a great counselor who is educated about how affairs start, function, and end. A good litmus test is whether they've read the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, she was a leading reasearcher on infidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Most of TAM/CWI posters, are betrayed spouses like you. There are good many cases of R.
Since you have already put up with 2 years after the infidelity, may I ask you: what is the trigger now?
Hang in here.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Forgiveness is one of those words that can take on many meanings. One of the many definitions is simply accepting the truth that this bad thing happened, rather than wishing it away. That doesn't mean you're happy about it but simply acknowledging that it is a part of the fabric of your life. Sometimes we can be in denial about that because we want to go back to a happier time when we were ignorant about the affair.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Words of wisdom right there


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## CruxAve (Dec 30, 2011)

iheartlife, great definition. In our feminized society many words have become emotionalized. Forgiveness, like love, is an act of the will -- not warm fuzzy feelings.


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