# Any kind words??



## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

I've been reading posts on this site and at times I smile and at times I just cry... I really have no one else to talk to so I'm hoping someone here will at least understand where I'm coming from and perhaps offer a word of comfort or support, and not judgment.

I met my husband of two years many years ago. We sort of grew up together. Over the years I went away to college, had two relationships and had two children, one with each person. There is a 7 year gap between my first two children. During this time, my husband was incarcerated. I lived my life... moved a few times and met a guy who I didn't know was my husband's friend. Through him I found out about his prison bid and it was then that I reached out to him. One of the reasons I reached out is because I couldn't believe he had gotten himself into such a mess. I would write him and go and see him every now and then. It wasn't anything serious at all. I was in another relationship but I was unhappy so I honestly looked forward to receiving his letters and calls. It was like a breath of fresh air. I was sad that my relationship was ending. I even attempted to move to another state hoping that we'd be able to work things out. It didn't work. So, I moved back home and started my life all over again. I was very disappointed that things didn't work out. I am now a single mother (again) with two children.

As I moved back home, I concentrated on being a mother and trying to maintain my sanity. It wasn't easy. At the same time, my husband was released. I had a desire to see him but most of that was because I was hurting from the past relationship and as we are all human, wanted the contact so I did.

He was wonderful and loving and everything I could ask for so we dated for a while. I fell in love. He wanted to have a baby. I agree but I say we must get married. He says okay. We have the baby and then get married. He says he wants to have another baby, I say okay. We have another one. My children are 18, 11, 2 years and 10 months.

The problem is...

He's been incarcerated for 17 years. He has never been in a relationship. He has been unfaithful to me a few times and I am at the point where I just can't take it any more! I want out! I want to leave! He is an awesome dad to all of the children. He is a good provider. He is employed... he does everything he has to do outside of being a good husband to me.

I work full time. I have a career, not just a job. I have a great circle of friends around me. I am loved and supported by those that know me. I can't say that I have any major character flaws. Thankfully, I am generally okay. I don't have any medical issues or mental issues. I'm fine. I wake up daily and give thanks. I know I am a good woman. I know I am a good mom to my children.

Why does he hurt me as he does? Why do I allow it? Sometimes I think I'm scared to let go... sometimes I think that if I divorce him then I have failed again... that I now have four children with three men.. 

In a way I think I allow it because I have never held him accountable for it. Very recently I threatened him with divorce. 

I'm just very sad... Every time I think of my marriage, I cry! I can't smile about it at all. I go to work every day with a plastic smile on my face... I don't feel like being social but I must continue to live on. I feel like I can't let this break me. I must overcome it somehow...but I don't know how...

Blessings...


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Enough,

Don't threaten. Help, encourage, guide. You have taken a huge burden on your shoulders and any good people that see this will be willing to help you. Reach out, ask for help, get support and please don't give up.


----------

