# Needing advice on my marriage...



## hurtwife (May 21, 2010)

Hi, I am new here so not sure how this all works. But I am needing some advice. I was tossing up if I should put this on the internet or not. But I am going insane, so I have decided to. 

Sorry in advance if this is really long. 

My H and I met and got along really well. Well I think it was. To be honest, I don't really remember ever being happy. But I wouldn't have gotten married if I wasn't. I guess after all these years of not being happy the good times have faded. 
My H is a very well respected man, and everyone loves him. My friends are aware of what he is like. And have their own opinion of him. 

In his eyes we are fine, but in my eyes we are not, and I dont know what to do about it. He's a really busy guy with his work and his own business, but its taking its toll and I have spoken to him many times before, it changes for a day and then goes back to normal. 

Basically for the past 3 years, our lives is like this. He will come home from his usual work, then will eat dinner and then will go straight into the computer room and do his business work. Dont get me wrong I think its great he has his own business and all but when I feel so bad it really hurts me. Then his in bed by 9pm most night, while I am still sitting on the lounge. Then his asleep with in 20 min of going to bed. We have a king sized bed and we dont touch each other. 

We have not have sex for maybe over 2 years. But I do catch him masterbating to porn. I can not explain how that makes me feel. 

I try to make dates for us to do things together and things like his hobbies come up and then we cant go etc. 

Money wise he controls everything and I am lucky to get $25 a week, and I work. We have a joint bank account.

When we fight, we really fight. I am surprised the police have not come. And most of the time it is verbal. Although a few weeks ago, he got violent. And I am having major issues moving on from this. 

My best friend is on my back about leaving, and my other best friend is supporting my decisions. Because she knows how hard it is. 

If I left, I have no money, no car, I have many animals and no where I could go. I want to remain friends with him because we get along well as friends. But I am getting older and I need things like cuddles, and babies and sex etc etc. 

We also own a house together, so if I left I would be in debt with no money. 

Please, I just need some advice on what to do.


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## hurtwife (May 21, 2010)

anyone?


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## whiteflag (May 22, 2010)

I'm having my own problems so I'm not in the best position to advise, but I will say (and this is what I have been telling myself) By all means, love your husband, but you deserve LOVE too and if he's not showing you any, LEAVE!

A lot of things CAN be worked out and I believe if both parties want, they should, but when it gets physical......that's where the line should be drawn.


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## whiteflag (May 22, 2010)

I'm new here too and would love to hear your thoughts on my post under General Rlationship Discussion. My thread is titled Mom#1, Wife #2


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

hurtwife said:


> Hi, I am new here so not sure how this all works. But I am needing some advice. I was tossing up if I should put this on the internet or not. But I am going insane, so I have decided to.
> 
> Sorry in advance if this is really long.
> 
> ...


Is he much older than you?
He seems to be completely absorbed in work. 
When my husband would go to bed early, I'd go too even if I wasn't sleepy, just so we could get intimate lol have you ever tried that? 

Wow 2 years without sex is a really long time. Why did you guys stop? Have you talked to him about this?

Have you also talked about the money issues with him? As far as I'm concerned a married couple generally sets a budged (no matter who works) and they spend it accordingly. In your case it seems he controls everything you earn and just gives you an allowance. Does he spend $ on himself?

It is never acceptable for a man to hit his wife, no matter how angry she makes him. He can hit anything he wants but her! 

Do you have any family, brothers sisters parents you could live with for a while? You said your friend supports your decision about leaving him, maybe she could accommodate you for a while.

If you filed for divorce, everything is generally split 50/50 and you could also try and get spousal support Divorce Support - Spousal Support
You should talk to a lawyer though.


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## hurtwife (May 21, 2010)

Cherrypie He is 3 years older then me. And I have tried going to bed when he does, but he just goes to sleep. His not interested in chatting or touching then either. 
He spends a lot more money then I do because is in control. I was going to go speak to my mum today but have chickened out.


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