# what to do?



## firefighter75 (Feb 28, 2011)

A week ago my wife told me that she needed space, she said that she has lost the attraction to me. She also said that she does love me and she wants it to work......what do i do. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for almost 4.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

A woman "needing space" is not good.

First things first.

Find out if there is an affair man in the picture. If there is an affair man, nothing, I mean NOTHING, will work until the affair is smashed.

If there is not an affair man in the picture, and your woman is sincere that she wants it to work, there is hope.

Take time to understand what is attraction to a woman, which is, that she respects her man, she finds her man is interesting and is leading his own life from his own direction, and he makes her FEEL as a sexually desirable woman.

If in contrast, she does not respect her man, if she views that her man is more of a child and must seek her approval or permission too often, and he makes her FEEL more like his mother than his lover, well, that is nothing attractive at all from a woman to such a man.

The Men's Clubhouse can help with these things.

Again, if there is an affair man in the picture ("need space" is often warning sign) then nothing else is more important than smashing the affair.

I wish you well.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You get in marriage counseling ASAP!!!!!!!! Tell her you love her and want to find a better way to be happy.

Do not underestimate this. This is a warning shot. Consider yourself lucky to get it. Fix it now before she just leaves and says the love is gone. 

A few things to read or watch.
Do I Really Need A Marriage Counselor?
How To Find Affordable Marriage Counseling
How to Save Your Marriage
YouTube - Prevent My Divorce: The Walkaway Wife Syndrome


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## firefighter75 (Feb 28, 2011)

Also the separation is with in the house, neither one of us had to leave, that is what we mutually agreed upon. We are sleeping in seperate bedrooms.

There is no other man, she told me that just the other day, another man approched her and she told him no that she is currently seperated and working on her marriage.

I am trying to stay positive, but it is extremely hard.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation-stories/21986-counseling-reconciliation-success.html
This is my story.

I can not stress this enough. Get in MC!!!!!!!!!!!!! Devote yourself to it and the marriage.

We can give more specific advise if you have any issues or more detail.

Consider yourself very lucky that she still loves you and wants to make it work. A lot of men post after their wives have no love left. There were at least 2-3 that I saw this week.

This will be a long, hard, rollercoster, and a mind f*ck. Stay strong and best of luck. You can come out on the otherside happier than you've ever been before. Make that happen.


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## firefighter75 (Feb 28, 2011)

She says that the reason she is doing this is because she does not want to get a divorce.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> I am trying to stay positive, but it is extremely hard.


This is going to be hard. When my wife and I separated, I felt like I was falling apart and dying for 2 strait months. I could barely hold it together, and was slipping into major depression by the end (I have a history of depression). From what you've said, you really should be VERY hopeful.

Do the work you need to do now to fix this. Read books, show your wife you love her, give her the space she needs, change yourself and how you treat your wife. Say that you are sorry often for you past mistakes and that you want to make it better and find a new way. Be extremely careful. How you act over the next few weeks and months is vital to the outcome of your marriage. Start by making your day to day issues non-issues. Do the chores if thats what bugged her. Make dinner if thats what you fought about. Sacrifice towards your marriage now to show your wife you love her. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever done, but I came out the other side happier than I knew our marriage could be. 

The fact that she said she still loves you, wants to make it work, and doesn't want to get a divorce are HUGE. Yes she is mad, hurting, and you two are separated, but I'm confident from what she said that you guys can make this work. Get in MC and make it happen. Make sure to talk in MC about what she did that made you hurt. You both need to figure out a new way to do this.

Read up on other people's stories.


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## firefighter75 (Feb 28, 2011)

What do i do if there are days when i really don't think she will change her mind.

What do i do if i know she loves me, but I worry that she is not working on herself and her feelings. 

I dont want to sit down with her and talk because i am trying to give her that space.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Its normal to not be able to trust your wife. There really isn't much you can do about a lack of trust right now. This will be very hard.

My wife went to personal counseling while we were in marriage counseling. Usually both people and marriages need to change at the same time. People get so backed up with stress that it causes issues.

When things were hard with my wife and I we communicated by texts and e-mail. It gives the other person the space they need and time to think of responses. Write her an e-mail. Say that you love her and also want to make it work, tell her what you are afraid of, say your sorry and recognize your issues. Talk about getting into marriage counseling

Your marriage is falling apart, it needs help. GET IN MC!!!! I can not stress this enough. Are you going to MC? What are your plans for it?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

REALLY! She told you there was no one else!

Have you thought about verifing that for your self?

I suggest you quitly investigate this for your self. It is one thing to try to work things out, it is another thing to work things out when someone else is influenceing your with.

Maybe she is setting up an exit plan, and doing it slow so that you don't get hurt.

Maybe she is avoiding her guilt by suggesting the seperation?

Why is she leave the security and stability of this relationship that she invested 5.5 years into?

Does she think it is greener on the other side?

There are so many questions you have to at least rule one out by doing your own investigation that will confirm there is no one else fight for your spot.


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