# crossing the line



## fcc (Apr 13, 2010)

Ladies,

Just have a question for you all to help me understand what is crossing the line with the amount of info your H gives out to others (meaning parents, inlaws, friends, family)

I don't think my H understands where to draw the line sometimes. Is this normal with men? Do they just not even put a second of thought into what they are saying before they say IT. Example telling your inlaws just very randomly that you have your period??? It completely freaked me out...is that crazy or what.

Just wondering what you all out there think and how do you deal with this. Its not like I can tell him everytime what he can tell them and what he shouldn't ...right!!?!!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband gets complaints from people because he DOESN'T talk about his life (at work, friends etc). 

He's a private person ,however, he'll answer questions openly if you ask...but he doesn't offer information.

I like it that way.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

We don't have a line. We are just considerate of each other. Period talk doesn't bother me.... not sure what does! He's a talker.... really.... but I don't think he's ever offended me!


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## fcc (Apr 13, 2010)

he's managed to offend me lots of times. He's very private person most of the times, but he's very open with his parents. He talks to them about anything and everything. Even about our finances, our daily life details, his everyday work matters...even our sex life once. What really annoys me too is that he loves to gossip with his mom all the time (turnoff!!!). I'm really uncomfortable with it esp coz he doesn't even talk to me about a lot of it, and when I hear him telling his parents, I'm wondering why hasn't this stuff ever come up in one of our conversations ever?!?

Anyone else out there?...how do you deal with an oblivious husband...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Your question is a bit tough to answer.

Be thankful he is normally a private person and only open with his parents. Trust me - it is better than someone who will vent to anyone who will listen!! So, first off, count your blessings.

The things I've seen on your list - finances, daily life details, work matters, sex life - are all areas which affect him daily also. You and he share a life. Most of what affects you, affects him and vice versa. His mother is his confidante (much better than another woman). 

Is this something you knew when you married him?

You will likely not be able to change this behavior - it is a part of him and the way he was raised. But, you can talk to him about showing respect for your privacy. It is not acceptable for him to 'gossip' with his mother about you, but if he is looking to vent or find perspective, let him.

If this avenue is cut off, he will find another.

Nobody can live in a vacuum.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, I'm glad I don't have inlaws. lol. But even so, i don't think hubs would say anything.

How mortifying to know your MIL knows your business. That would drive me crazy.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

fcc said:


> I don't think my H understands where to draw the line sometimes. Is this normal with men? Do they just not even put a second of thought into what they are saying before they say IT. Example telling your inlaws just very randomly that you have your period??? It completely freaked me out...is that crazy or what.
> 
> Just wondering what you all out there think and how do you deal with this. Its not like I can tell him everytime what he can tell them and what he shouldn't ...right!!?!!


I am not uptight about things like this , after all half the human race gets a period -it is not like any big secret. I coudln't see my husband doing that anyway -well he might if such a subject was brought up 1st, maybe some snide joke about me pmsing, but it wouldn't bother me in the least. We are very verbally open. And yeah, with our friends too, his co-workers. He even told one of the guys at his work I posted on this forum one day -now I did get a little upset over that ! Nothing else was ever said, so I don't think anything became of it. 

His family, not so much, they are more "proper" than we are at home. 

I do think it is a matter of how people may be raised, combined with an extroverted personality & natural openness. Maybe I am doing my kids a disservice by allowing them to say whatever is on thier minds in our house, and pretty much to each other. No one is offended. I mean, they fight, but my daughter is not treated with kit gloves by her brothers. I think that might be good for her. I DO teach them that not everyone is like US, they SHOULD always be mindful to not step on others personal boundaries, keep their mouths shut. They seem to honor that well, I don't see them getting in trouble or disliked for their behavior by anyone yet. 

Like I have a girlfriend, she is like a Privacy queen, I mean, if you even say anything about her -when she is not in your presence, she feels violated, she doesn't even tell her children where she is going when she leaves the house, feeling it is none of thier business (i think she is crazy on that part, then she wonders why her kids are so secretive with her as they grew older) .

As we may be "too much - a little Too Open" -- she is "too closed, too private" on the other side of the spectrum. Maybe in how she was raised also, or just our personalities, some are more embarrassed, and some of us can just laugh it off , and not worry what others think.

I am only going by the "period" comment, of coarse if it was more intimate things, or putting you down in front of his family, I would not have answered this the same way. Yes, we should watch our mouths , and be respectful of how our spouses feel.

Just talk to him about it, what else can you do .


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## fcc (Apr 13, 2010)

Never thought of it that way. I am glad that he doesn't tell everyone everything, and that its just his parents. But still they would be the last ones I'd want him to be sharing anything with. I did skip a little detail about my MIL here. She is extremely inquisitive of our life, and thinks she can ask my husband anything she wants. Like randomly if I have my period, which I'm not sure if it has some double meaning. Too complex for me. She knows my hubby is innocent and will give her a straight answer to 'anything' she asks. Hence you can understand my unwillingness to tell them much about us.

So my problem is not my in laws but more my H who I feel should know which of her questions to answer and which not to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The fact that your MIL wants to know if you're on your period is disturbing to me. lol. You should buy her a calendar and circle your cycle days for her.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

Maybe your MIL asks about your period cause she wants some grandbabies.

Still weird though.

My H doesn't discuss me with his family. He knows I don't like them and i don't want them knowing anything personal about me. I have been with him 12 years and have maybe spent 3 hours around them and this includes the time at our wedding and the birth of our daughter.


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## fcc (Apr 13, 2010)

Oh I KNOW she wants grandbabies. She even told my mom in one of their conversations that we ought to have kids in the first year of our marriage itself...WTF...none of your business lady. I do have to give credit to my husband though. To all the ladies who think your H can't change its not true. I've really worked at explaining to my husband that sharing our sex life with them and adding them onto his bank accounts is not right. And he understands that now. I'm just sooo paranoid now that I'd even freak out when they know about my period. Which is still weird to me but not the end of the world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

My stxh talks to his mother about everything, much the same as your husband. 
It is even more mortifiying to me as she and I were friends for 10 years before I started dating her husband (ugh).
I've learned over the years that his relationship with his mother is more unique than most. He tells her everything, always will. When I married him, I got included in the gossip. 

As far as outside of his family, he is the vault. So nothing really wrong with that.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

deejov said:


> My stxh talks to his mother about everything, much the same as your husband.
> It is even more mortifiying to me as she and I were friends for 10 years before I started dating her husband (ugh).


I'm confused. You were friends with your MIL for 10years then you dated her husband but married her son?:scratchhead:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Lots of people pretend ignorance in their passive aggressive self absorbed way in order to feign outrage when you call them on it.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I wonder if you ask your husband some pointed questions about his mom: Is she incontinent? Are she and her husband still "doin it?" Does she have any sex toys? 

...if anyone would get a hint...??? Just a thought.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

fcc said:


> Never thought of it that way. I am glad that he doesn't tell everyone everything, and that its just his parents. But still they would be the last ones I'd want him to be sharing anything with. I did skip a little detail about my MIL here. She is extremely inquisitive of our life, and thinks she can ask my husband anything she wants. Like randomly if I have my period, which I'm not sure if it has some double meaning. Too complex for me. She knows my hubby is innocent and will give her a straight answer to 'anything' she asks. Hence you can understand my unwillingness to tell them much about us.
> 
> So my problem is not my in laws but more my H who I feel should know which of her questions to answer and which not to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like your MIL has poor boundaries with her son. Controlling mothers can be a real challenge to a marriage, especially with their DIL! Your H needs to be the one to enforce boundaries with his mother. Tell him what you think is and is not acceptable for her to know and ask him to honor it.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

square1 said:


> I'm confused. You were friends with your MIL for 10years then you dated her husband but married her son?:scratchhead:


Naw, my mother in law was my friend for 1o years. She is much older than me. We used to work together. She "hooked me up" with her son . I married my friend's son. 

So no I did not have to "meet the parents" and get approval. 
But we did kinda stop being friends, it was awkward.


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