# spouses 6 hour calls



## tears from fears (Apr 22, 2016)

Hello all, My wife has befriended a guy she has met in a depression therapy group.
It started about 6 months ago and begin with short texts occasionally and it has progressed over time to be 2-3 phone calls per day and average about 6 hours per day on the phone. She is open about it and I see no inappropriate actions or words to date but only concerned what else it can evolve into. She already tells him she loves him but in a friendship manner but I see trouble brewing and I have emphasized my concerns about it and she under no circumstances will change anything she is doing. She says I am trying to control her but I do not mind her friendship with another man but this seems to be escalating by leaps and bounds.
She has expressed to her sister if I say anything to the other guy to alter their relationship that she would kick me out of our 29 year marriage.
I do not know what to do.
Anyone, please advise.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I'd kick her to the curb and find a hotter wife. 

Plenty of woman out there to replace her with. 

Were your 29 years awesome? Great sex? Sure hope so, or you wasted your life away.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Does your wife work? Does the other man?

You are right in that this may be trouble. You wife has or will become emotionally attached to this other man.

"She already tells him she loves him...." Not a good sign, regardless of the disclaimer. 

She is already choosing him over you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get her this book:
Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> She is already choosing him over you.


A great statement that cuts to the heart of the matter. Yep, as far as she's concerned, giving a choice between him and you, you lose.

Or maybe not. Maybe it's time to blow this marriage up and find a woman who values you a little more than this. In that event, you clearly win.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

turnera said:


> Get her this book:
> Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## tears from fears (Apr 22, 2016)

NEITHER WORKS AND BOTH ARE OUT ON DISABILITY DUE TO DEPRESSION AND HE IS BIPOLAR. sHE CLAIMS HE IS HER MOTIVATOR TO GET THINGS DONE AROUND THE HOUSE.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

This is gonna end VERY badly. 

Get in touch with the group facilitator. Their relationship is not appropriate nor will it help them in their treatment. The facilitator will be the bad guy for you. You are just concerned about your wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I NEVER trust the phrase "I love him/her like a......" and insert whatever this person is in the new relationship. Still, you have the truth, she talks to him more than you, puts him above you and has said she'll throw you out of the marriage and house if you interrupt things between the two. I don't know where your line is, the threat voiced to her sister is enough for me, but do not wait until it is crossed.

Yes, she is sick and may need help, but it doesn't mean you accept this level of disrespect.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

tears from fears said:


> She has expressed to her sister if I say anything to the other guy to alter their relationship that she would kick me out of our 29 year marriage.
> I do not know what to do.
> Anyone, please advise.


In all seriousness, take her up on that offer! Speak to this guy and put an end to their Emotional Affair, because that is what it is. But before you do that, clean out the bank accounts. Then let's see if she tries to toss you out.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Sounds like this guy could take a lot of issues off your plate. Do you love her? If so, I guess she's worth trying to save. If not, let him have and support her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

tears from fears said:


> Hello all, My wife has befriended a guy she has met in a depression therapy group.
> It started about 6 months ago and begin with short texts occasionally and it has progressed over time to be 2-3 phone calls per day and average about 6 hours per day on the phone. She is open about it and I see no inappropriate actions or words to date but only concerned what else it can evolve into. She already tells him she loves him but in a friendship manner but I see trouble brewing and I have emphasized my concerns about it and she under no circumstances will change anything she is doing. She says I am trying to control her but I do not mind her friendship with another man but this seems to be escalating by leaps and bounds.
> She has expressed to her sister if I say anything to the other guy to alter their relationship that she would kick me out of our 29 year marriage.
> I do not know what to do.
> Anyone, please advise.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

@tears from fears, I've sent many employees to counseling. Same gender counseling only. This is the reason for it. He's 13th stepping her. 

If you want a chance (only a chance) be decisive, don't back down to her threats and act quickly. The rabbit hole goes deep. 

This might be useful to you http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Best


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

tears from fears said:


> Hello all, My wife has befriended a guy she has met in a depression therapy group.
> It started about 6 months ago and begin with short texts occasionally and it has progressed over time to be 2-3 phone calls per day and average about 6 hours per day on the phone. She is open about it and I see no inappropriate actions or words to date but only concerned what else it can evolve into. She already tells him she loves him but in a friendship manner but I see trouble brewing and I have emphasized my concerns about it and she under no circumstances will change anything she is doing. She says I am trying to control her but I do not mind her friendship with another man but this seems to be escalating by leaps and bounds.
> She has expressed to her sister if I say anything to the other guy to alter their relationship that she would kick me out of our 29 year marriage.
> I do not know what to do.
> Anyone, please advise.


Aw hell to the naw! I would call her bluff, and if she isn't bluffing, she cares for the OM more than you, and she ain't worth having.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

tears from fears said:


> Hello all, My wife has befriended a guy she has met in a depression therapy group.
> It started about 6 months ago and begin with short texts occasionally and it has progressed over time to be 2-3 phone calls per day and average about 6 hours per day on the phone. She is open about it and I see no inappropriate actions or words to date but only concerned what else it can evolve into. She already tells him she loves him but in a friendship manner but I see trouble brewing and I have emphasized my concerns about it and she under no circumstances will change anything she is doing. She says I am trying to control her but I do not mind her friendship with another man but this seems to be escalating by leaps and bounds.
> She has expressed to her sister if I say anything to the other guy to alter their relationship that she would kick me out of our 29 year marriage.
> I do not know what to do.
> Anyone, please advise.


Ok. 

So your wife thinks her newfound friendship is more important than her 29 year marriage and you presumably suffering through her depression?

"Wife, have your boyfriend. But you don't have a husband anymore to get in the way. Divorce papers are on the kitchen table, I'm off to find my own friend."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

tears from fears said:


> Hello all, My wife has befriended a guy she has met in a depression therapy group.
> It started about 6 months ago and begin with short texts occasionally and it has progressed over time to be 2-3 phone calls per day and average about 6 hours per day on the phone. She is open about it and I see no inappropriate actions or words to date but only concerned what else it can evolve into. She already tells him she loves him but in a friendship manner but I see trouble brewing and I have emphasized my concerns about it and she under no circumstances will change anything she is doing. *She says I am trying to control her but I do not mind her friendship with another man but this seems to be escalating by leaps and bounds.*
> 
> If you're that affraid of her you've lost this.
> ...


you need to read up:
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrB..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=UxCP43BHdlvvdLz7dUMJi.fmaJU-


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

tears from fears said:


> NEITHER WORKS AND BOTH ARE OUT ON DISABILITY DUE TO DEPRESSION AND HE IS BIPOLAR. sHE CLAIMS HE IS HER MOTIVATOR TO GET THINGS DONE AROUND THE HOUSE.


6 hours of motivation to get things done around the house? It must be a real pig sty.

Have a convo with her and tell her that she either knocks this off or she can pack her bags and go live with her motivator.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Outrageous.

I agree with the others. She's in 'la la' land.

if she's willing to end a 29 year marriage over some depressed guy, she should be welcomed to it.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

She spends ~40 hours a week talking to him?? 

How much time is she spending with you?


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Satya said:


> She spends ~40 hours a week talking to him??
> 
> How much time is she spending with you?




No kidding. Depressed wife who is probably already a pain to deal with who instead chooses to exert her emotions to another man and then says she'd choose him over you.

It's probably appropriate to take a direct lay it all on the line approach here. Your downside risk is minimal all things considered.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You have already lost her. You are just her support, her daddy. She is in love with him and living off her thoughts of him gets her through the day, even a day with you.

Dont chase her, beg, cry, etc.

A person has to bring their own happiness into a relationship. She has an addictive personality and will never be happy with you.

Time for some hard consequences.

She does not love you and her level of disrespect for you is breathtaking.

Dont sacarfice yourself for someone who will put so little value on it.

Cut your losses and move on, I am sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

tears from fears said:


> She has expressed to her sister if I say anything to the other guy to alter their relationship that she would kick me out of our 29 year marriage.
> I do not know what to do.
> Anyone, please advise.


Bwhahahahah!

She's gonna kick you out!?!

Hahahahahaha!

She has chosen him. You are now reduced to "you're replaceable so walk the line and don't mess things up with my new man"

Time for you to take back your stones.

1) lawyer - know your rights
2) Get your assets in order
3) start 180
4) tell her "I love you. I can see that I inconvenience your relationship with your new man. I now understand that you have chosen another. I have enough respect for myself that I won't beg, plead, or fight for your attention. I respect myself enough to not allow myself to stay in this type of relationship" Then hand her the divorce papers.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

She has basically said she would not give up her new 'friend', but she'd kick you out in a heartbeat. IMO, the marriage is already over if that's the case. She says she loves him. She is supposed to love YOU.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

It's simple just like the gif, Wife have a seat you're out at home NEXT


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GuyInColorado said:


> I'd kick her to the curb and find a hotter wife.
> 
> Plenty of woman out there to replace her with.
> 
> Were your 29 years awesome? Great sex? Sure hope so, or you wasted your life away.


A hotter wife? :wtf:

Thank you Captain Crass! 

Good Lord!

OP There is clearly something wrong with your wife.

Her behaviour is not normal and needs to be addressed ASAP.

Just seen your update. She might even need to be committed before she makes any rash financial decisions.

Check with a lawyer, especially one who deals with the financial affairs of the mentally ill.

There is possibly a mental health issue that is not 'merely' a depression.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Decorum said:


> You have already lost her. You are just her support, her daddy. She is in love with him and living off her thoughts of him gets her through the day, even a day with you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You have already lost her.
This.

The problem with these group therapies is that you can get very attached and start relying on these people, just like she is relying on him.
She in fact is using both of you just in different ways.
Emotionally she's already checked out...she spends more time talking to this other guy then she probably spends talking to you.

I like what someone mentioned about a female only group...any of those around? 

She should be leaning on you for support not some other man. Have you been encouraging to her to seek help etc with her problems? Supportive? Is there any reason why she feels someone else is more likely to be there emotionally?
If you have then i would call her on this bluff about the marriage.
Outline what appropriate behavior is to her and see what happens.
If you haven't then you need to step up and be there for her...
Good luck.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She cannot kick you out of the house. 

Stand up to her and tell her she stops the relationship or you will be filing. It really is that simple. Her response will tell you all you want to know. 

But I agree with the others, she has most likely checked out emotionally, and once a woman does that it is near impossible to get back with her. 

You sound like a decent man, and if she is bi polar or depressive, then you have most likely been supporting her all this time. I don't think lack of your support for her problems is what is happening here. She is having an emotional affair with this man and you unfortunately are being pushed out. It is not your fault in any way.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Decorum said:


> You have already lost her. You are just her support, her daddy. She is in love with him and living off her thoughts of him gets her through the day, even a day with you.
> 
> Dont chase her, beg, cry, etc.
> 
> ...


Mostly agree. I wonder what happens if you call her bluff, though. 

This is a horrible question, but if she is in love with him, do you have a reason to stay? If not, my advice is to call her bluff and let the cards fall where they may. If she comes back to you, all good. If not, you know where you stand.

If you do have a reason to stay, the calling her bluff is dangerous, because if you draw a line in the sand and then don't enforce it, you are screwed. If you have such a reason, what is it?

I feel for her, with depression and all, but in a marriage some boundaries have to be non-negotiable.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Just an observation, if they're talking for 6 hours a day about their "common ailments" and even if they are as innocent as the pure snow, think of what 6 hours of constant blah blah about anything -ANYTHING- will do to her mind and his.

They have 6 hours to rehash issues, what if I did this, what if you said that, and at the end of the day it's holding both of them back. There's time for support but not hours a day.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I wonder what their conversations are about when you are not around. I would VAR them to get substance so you are not made out to be crazy. 

If these groups are with a therapist, I would also speak to the therapist and inform them what is occurring and she may soon be divorced due to her affair with another member of group.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

john117 said:


> Just an observation, if they're talking for 6 hours a day about their "common ailments" and even if they are as innocent as the pure snow, think of what 6 hours of constant blah blah about anything -ANYTHING- will do to her mind and his.
> 
> They have 6 hours to rehash issues, what if I did this, what if you said that, and at the end of the day it's holding both of them back. There's time for support but not hours a day.


I agree. What is she NOT doing while she's on the phone going over the same crap day after day - she's not getting on with her life, that's what.


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