# Can't Think Straight



## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

May has been a bad month for me emotionally. R has been going pretty good though - but it all ties in and I feel numb. It has only been 2.75 months since WS stopped contact with OW. It has been 6 months since affair went physical for 4 days. It has been 6 months since my brother passed, 5 months since D day, WS and I both had bdays this month, this is the month OW was supposed to move to our state had they ended up together, and Friday is our 16th wedding anniversary. We don't really talk about the mess. He is dealing with self hate, and I am dealing with the big picture...the questions I never asked, the lies I know he told while he was in the "fog" and thinking I want a straight answer, the mean and hateful things he said to me when he hit me with divorce talk, the back and forth and further lies he told while he was still in contact with her while I was giving him another chance and believing that he was remorseful and truthful to me, the other 2 times that he cheated on me in our marriage, wondering if there were more that he did not admit too (but don't know why he would not when he had the chance and admitted to one I did not know about and one I did which happened right after we were married). I know he is a serial cheater, I know this. Could this affair and the fall out have changed him? He said he hates himself for how he has treated me during our marriage. Said he won't or can't forgive himself right now, but will spend every day making it up to me and our children. Could this have been the straw that broke the cheaters past? Can a serial cheater be faithful? I want to believe with all my heart. But I also don't know how to get over everything faster than I am. I am trying so hard. Our anniversary - I posted a thread about this the other day - how do you celebrate your first anniversary after an affair. He said to our oldest (9) the other day - do you know what Friday is? Its Mama and Daddy's anniversary. Then he was kind of quiet....maybe he is thinking the same I am...maybe we need to discuss it and how we deal or celebrate it. I hate having to be here even thinking about it. One of the things I am debating - before our anniversary, do I bring everything back up and get final answers? If there are more affairs, will that be a deal breaker? One is too many. I just feel that going into an anniversary - the beginning of the next 15 years, I want a clean slate. Does that mean that I bring it all back up, or do I simply tell him that once we decide how we celebrate our anniversary, we need to have a clean slate. That means that if he has anything else that he feels he needs or should tell me before we start our "new beginning", he needs to do before Friday. Does it even make sense to ask him if he really had the bad feelings or felt it was my fault why our marriage failed, while he was still in the affair? I know everyone says fog, but to a non-cheater, I still can't wrap my head around it. I think that is why I feel numb and stuck. Then we said that we would not reach out or expose the OW because she is a tad bit crazy, and even though I had/have strong desire to, it may not be in the best interest of our family, recovery, or keeping her just out of the picture. Do I still want to - yes, very much so. I just want her to feel a little bit of what I felt - to let her longtime live-in know just what all went down and let him decide if he keeps her around. As much as I try to move past that, it keeps coming back when there is a trigger. I know it is a slow process, and feel that we will make it and that we both want to, but everything at once...maybe once we are 6 months out from last contact I will feel better. Sorry that was so much info and so many questions - like I said, I can't think straight.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You may want to try breaking this up into paragraphs...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Although my estranged husband and I never got to the reconciliation phase, I can still relate to the "can't think straight" phenomenon. I had no idea what that even felt like until my husband began cheating in 2006. Now six years later I still can't think straight--and have a physiological evaluation to prove it. It's very real. The damage has been done. Have you and your husband seen a marriage counselor to help with the reconciliation? If not that, individual counseling could benefit you. My therapist has been a life saver.


----------

