# massage parlors



## deceived (May 19, 2012)

i know for sure that my fiance with history of cheating has been going to massage parlors. i can't confront him with the proof as i can't compromise how i got the proof... but i saw his legs with oil on them after the gym today and i asked him what that lotion was and he made up an unbelievable story. i know for sure he was at the massage parlor. he is of course gaslighting and threatened to leave, "tired of being accused, he hasn't done anything wrong,"  the bizarre thing is that i don't want him to leave.... i want him to stay. i still love him. dear friends here, what on earth am i going to do....:'( i am so sad. i am at work right now typing on my personal laptop, thank heaven i can close my office door. what is wrong with me that i am wanting him to stay here with me instead of kicking him to the curb?? i feel horrible.  we fought, and i told him i believed him that he hadn't done anything wrong, because i want him to stay. please help me. i feel like i am going crazy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You need to let him go. Why are you holding on to someone who is lying to you? 

Find your self-respect.


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## deceived (May 19, 2012)

but where is my self respect? evidently that is the problem.  thanks though...


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

You think he lied, so that's obviously a big problem. 

Could it have been a legit place, and would that be okay? I go to a legit massage school now and then...nothing wrong with that.

But, then he made up that story...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

You love a man who is willing to use a sex slave to give him sexual release, really?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Can you get into therapy?

Your self-respect is inside you. You have to find it.

Don't let this continue. Don't go back to him.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My guess... You need to develop your self-respect. Your fiancée will continue to treat you like this (or worse) until you show him this is not acceptable.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deceived (May 19, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> You think he lied, so that's obviously a big problem.
> 
> Could it have been a legit place, and would that be okay? I go to a legit massage school now and then...nothing wrong with that.
> 
> But, then he made up that story...


no....it's not that. it's a massage parlor. 
thanks though.


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## deceived (May 19, 2012)

PBear said:


> My guess... You need to develop your self-respect. Your fiancée will continue to treat you like this (or worse) until you show him this is not acceptable.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i wonder if he will change if i show him it's unacceptable. how can i do that? i have to get some backbone. evidently it is acceptable if i am willing to have him stay.   i tried confronting him and he threatened to leave, and i folded like a wet paper towel


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Years ago I was in Pittsburgh Pa with the Army. I was one of two senior NCOs on the trip. The junior NCOs tried to talk me and the other senior NCO into going to the massage parlor with them (they were all married). We both declined and spent the night watching a game on the t.v. at the sports bar in the hotel. The next day I heard some of the stories. I remember telling them that what they do on their off time is their business but I don't want to hear about it. I laid into two of them saying I know your wives, how could you do this? They all said, it is ok to have some fun from time to time. 

Massage parlors are typical fronts for prostitutes, not all but many.

You are not married yet, he will continue his behavior and bring it into the marriage.

Break off with him. You are going through hel* right now we get it. Try to imagine being married for 29 years to your best friend and having that best friend betray you.

You can make it and you can get over him.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I have to agree with Thorburn - I think if we all as BS's knew then what we do now, our lives would be very different. Take it from a BS who found out her husband cheated shortly after they were married, forgave him thinking that it could have happened to anyone, then 16 years and 2 kids later finds out that he cheated 3 times and wants a divorce....I am not the person to give advice to someone invested in a marriage, but if I were in your shoes now, I would run - life is too short and you are just starting out - start on the right foot with a good guy (or as far as you can tell). You already know this guy is a cheater and liar - please don't waste any more of yourself on him. My husband who cheated even said that if any man did to our daughters what he did to me that he would bury them - take it from the cheater - a cheater is no good for anyones daughter - no good for you!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Get yourself into some kind of counseling that will boost your self esteem. Serial cheaters very very rarely change.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

deceived said:


> no....it's not that. it's a massage parlor.
> thanks though.


Find the courage to leave him, now. 

I know you love him but it will hurt far less to leave now than after a long term marriage. 

You are lucky that your spouse showed his true colors before you married. 

I was married for 20 years before I found out my STBEH is addicted to porn and goes to men's clubs for lap dances. 

He also cheated in a six month affair at least one time that I know of. 

Why marry someone whom you already know is doing things that you find unacceptable and hurtful.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, deceived. No, it is not very likely that you can change him.

Yes, massage parlors are fronts for prostitution -- low-level prostitution, but still.

I think you know what you have to do. And I'm so very sorry, but why marry him? If you just love him so painfully much, then keep seeing him, as long as he keeps that thing wrapped up in latex. But don't marry him.


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## deceived (May 19, 2012)

thanks so much everyone--i should say i am not a youngster, i am 45 and so is he...all the more reason not to waste time, i guess. we have been together 7 years, long distance for 3 of them, recently moved back in together after that long distance and were supposed to be married in the fall. i was hoping living under the same roof would help and he would stop cheating    i can't really imagine being alone and starting over. i don't want to be alone  but this pain is hard. i am so sorry for everyone else's pain that is on this thread too, i guess there is nobody who has landed in this forum except by heartbreak. hugs to all of you <3


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Also, get tested for STDs. God knows what he does...


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

I really dont think you love him, you love the idea of who he COULD be, because clearly this man is not good enough to marry as is. If you do marry him, this behavior will only increase. Get out now before you contract a disease or worse. Its much better to be alone with your self respect than to attatch yourself to a lying, cheating shadow of a man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Deceived...it will probably not get much better after you are married...the best thing you can do to shock the **** out of him and maybe wake him up is when he threatens to leave just say good please do. I am done...

He knows that you are going to keep putting up with his crap..you have to shock him so he is like whoa I might lose this woman.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, it's harder when we are older, Deceived. No doubt about that.

But it's not going to get easier if you marry him, unless he's really rich and you're willing to overlook the cheating for the sake of the house.

I'm so sorry. But you are worth better than this.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

deceived said:


> i tried confronting him and he threatened to leave, and i folded like a wet paper towel


Why? Because he's such a FN prize? Multiple cheater, getting serviced by pros at a parlor? Do you think so little of yourself that you'd accept this garbage? 

No, he won't become a saint after he puts a ring on. You deserve way better than this, and you know it.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Forty five isn't that old by today's standards...my dad was divorced for the second time when he was 66...he has been seeing a lovely lady for the last 5 years or so. Love will find you at any age...

DOn't settle...your dignity is worth so much more.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I like one of Dr. Phil's sayings...we teach people how to treat us and you are teaching him to treat you like garbage. He has no respect for you as his woman.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are 45. You still have so much time to get a GOOD man.

If you marry him, knowing how he is, you cannot blame anyone but yourself.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

OMG! RUN not walk away! Don't make the same very costly divorce mistake I did.

If he cheats now, you bet he's going to cheat on you while married! He will cheat on the next woman too!

I bet money the massage parlor is just an excuse. Both my husband and I have gotten massages and we don't think twice about cheating!

On a lighter note, have you had one yourself? If not, go and get a 1/2 hour massage, you'll be in heaven! My neighbor just got her license and is going to massage my back and shoulders at a discounted price.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

You do have some time invested then, but you are not married. If you love him so much, lay it out for him, make him get tested for STDs, always use a condom....that is if you want to invest more time in this man. Certainly do not marry him ANY TIME soon. I understand about being older (I am 39, not 45, but still) and with 2 young awesome children. The thought of not wanting to start over crossed my mind many times, but in the end it is not why I have decided to stay and work through his affairs. I could start over - I will always have my children, my family, his family and myself. If I have to, I will....the difference is now I know I could and I would be just fine. Working through affairs is another story - it hurts like hell and robs you of so much, but only you know if the life and the man are worth it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> OMG! RUN not walk away! Don't make the same very costly divorce mistake I did.
> 
> If he cheats now, you bet he's going to cheat on you while married! He will cheat on the next woman too!
> 
> ...


No offense, but I don't think she's worried about licensed massage parlors... So telling her to go for a "30 minute special" might not be great advice, no matter how educational it might be.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I was 45 when I kicked my hubby of almost ten years out for cheating. We ended up back together, but that was because of what HE did. I was DONE. So don't use age as an excuse!!!!


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## deceived (May 19, 2012)

thank you so much everyone. i am going to read a bunch more around this forum to read everyone's stories. there is so much heartbreak and strength and love here, it is amazing. i am holding up pretty well, i guess. i came home from work crying and he was acting very very sweet but did not 'fess up of course. he knows i do not believe him. i will call the counseling center and make a therapy appointment. i am going to have to do some work to get to a place where i know i will be okay without him and where i will be truly ready to let him go. at this point i am still stunned and contemplating keeping him and putting up with the cheating, but that is crazy, i know. hence the need for therapy! i don't know what is wrong with me. ugh. thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement that i do deserve better and that it is possible to find someone who won't cheat. i never have cheated on anyone, ever ever ever.  i really don't deserve it.


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## deceived (May 19, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> ... The thought of not wanting to start over crossed my mind many times, but in the end it is not why I have decided to stay and work through his affairs. I could start over - I will always have my children, my family, his family and myself. If I have to, I will....the difference is now I know I could and I would be just fine. Working through affairs is another story - it hurts like hell and robs you of so much, but only you know if the life and the man are worth it.


dear LookingForTheSun... do you have your story here i can read? i need to get to the place where i know i can start over. and how did you work thru the affairs? thank you for your help. hugs <3


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

PBear said:


> No offense, but I don't think she's worried about licensed massage parlors... So telling her to go for a "30 minute special" might not be great advice, no matter how educational it might be.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just learned that today from another post. I had no idea about them. :/


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ok,
Let me see
1]You love your fiancee and quite willing to give him your body.
2]He has cheated on you before.
3]Your fiancee rather pay a stranger for sexual favors than take it from you ,free.
4] You know he's lying ,but still trying to protect him.

I think you need to look in the mirror, dig deep within yourself and ask yourself why? Not why you love him,but why does he treat you with so little respect.
Therein lies the answer.


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