# 180



## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

So after 11 months of seperation and me begging and pleading every other month for him to work on us as well as me apologizing like it was all my fault, I decided to do the 180. I wanted to try and give myself some freedom to heal if he is really not coming back. By the way, there was no infidelity. 

In a month, I can't help to maybe notice some slight changes. He seems to be trying to get my attention more via email and texting when i don't reply back or ignore questions pertaining to anything other than important questions regarding our son or finances. He even responded sorry, I was so busy this morning at work and am just getting a chance to reply to a text my son emailed him last night on his phone. I never get apologies from him. 

Am I reading into this too much or could this finally be a response from him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

It is a response, just not sure yet what kind of response. Keep it up, don't drop back to your old ways. Your son is important, you are important, but he is not.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Does this plan get results when there was no infidelity involved?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

Any positive changes will get results in any situation. Best wishes to you


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Although the 180 is definitely a healer for the party more invested in a relationship, I strongly believe it serves to erase/lessen the deep feelings you have for someone over time.

It does work in the sense that you become stronger in controlling your urges of showing submissiveness, but it also makes you lose your passion for the other party.

I fail to see how after doing a 180 someone can ever love their partner the same.

To most people that's a good thing. I'm undecided about that myself. 

Still hurting, still shocked, still in love (though anger is starting to fog it all up most of the time).

Stupid heartless ****ing *****. i still love her.


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## Out of the Dark (Jan 11, 2012)

This is a response! It's just human nature that (in any relationship) a person will respond differently when the primary person (you) are not behaving in your "usual" manner. Just think about any relationship that you have been involved in with a friend, parent or even your son. You can only ask so many times "what's wrong", "let's work this out", "let's talk", etc...As soon as you truely stop wanting a certain outcome and just act with H as you would with a friend (that you don't understand why they are not asking you to lunch anymore). With this "friend" you would probably have hurt feelings and stop returning emails, calls for a while. That friend would most likely find a way to have you "like" them again. And end up apologizing for their bad behavior. Good Job to you!!! Keep up the good work!!!!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Hmmmm.....good analogy Out of the Dark. That does make sense. I've had less response from him so far this week but I'm sure it will take time considering I spent 11 months pleading and begging and crying. 

I appreciate all your input.....I know this is difficult for everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Out of the Dark (Jan 11, 2012)

Believe me we have all cried, begged acted stupid in the name of LOVE!
You are doing GREAT! The less response is not such a bad thing. The longer you stay strong the better it will be no matter what happens.
Have "happy" music in the background if you answer his calls, have something delicious baking if he stops by to pick-up your son. You get my point. 
I try to look at it as far as the "friend" thing goes. Who wants to have "lunch" with someone whom is always sad or begging or crying.
Keep up the good work! Everytime you feel weak just go to the computer & type instead! Let us know how it goes!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Now I haven't gotten any response back from him in a week. Usually every few days ill get an email just briefly asking a few things. It has been nothing the past week. Could the no contact with him be hurting me or is this a normal response?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Out of the Dark (Jan 11, 2012)

Give it more time. I hadn't heard from my stbxh in 6wks and out of the blue he called under the guise of needing something at the house. He actually apoligized for being such a "bad" husband! Like you said about yours...mine never apoligizes either. It helps to hear but, I know that this won't last. If you wait you will end up getting a response. Hang in there!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Thank you.....some how I feel a little better from your response. How have you managed to stay so positive? Maybe you just have more self confidence than I do?
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## Out of the Dark (Jan 11, 2012)

No, today is actually a pretty tough day. Spoke to my lawyer and then my stbxh today after my last post. Should not have done that. I have been getting this strange stress related skin rash on my hands and I have a fever. It was mainly money issues but, the conversation ended badly. I might sound positive only because I went through a separation 4yrs ago and got back together and my head/heart was in a very sad place with it all. I just wanted my husband to talk to me and wondered why he had done the things that he had done. This time around I am trying very hard to get out as soon as possible because of my kids. It is much harder when you still want the person back. I really do understand.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I'm so sorry.....your post made me cry...I guess we all hurt just the same and try to get through it all just the same. The lack of talking is very hard. I can see now how you do understand and how your advice has been helpful. Sounds like our husbands were made from the same mold. I would imagine financial strain would make it harder and I'm sure ill find out soon enough for myself. Thank you for your kind words when your dealing with your own. 

Would it be ok to pm you some time? It would be nice to talk to someone who does understand. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

PS....hope it isn't shingles brought on from stress....if you had the chicken pox, it lies dorment in your system and can be triggered in the form of shingles later in life from stressful event. Take care and i hope it clears up quickly for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe he's just done? It's been 11 months...


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## Out of the Dark (Jan 11, 2012)

Yes, pm me..that would be good for booth of us..I'm sure. No, it's not shingles..but, 3rd doc apt tomorrow..we'll know ..hopefully!


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## Out of the Dark (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi,
I got your pm..trying to reply so new..I'll try again!


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