# My neighbor is divorced and no longer talks to me?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My neighbors are divorced and he stayed in the house. 

We are not super close but close enough to be neighborly, borrow things, BBQ once in a while. 

I haven't asked ANY personal questions at all, just hello, how do you like your new truck, is your knee healing ok?

He was always outgoing and always friendly with me and now he avoids me when I see him.

What goes through a recently divorced man's mind? 

He was blindsided btw, LOVED his wife like crazy but did not beg for her at all. Told her good riddance but I know it killed him inside. 

I do notice he talks to the male neighbors as frequently as he used to. Could it be he just hates all women right now?

Men, how did you feel about women after your divorce?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> My neighbors are divorced and he stayed in the house.
> 
> We are not super close but close enough to be neighborly, borrow things, BBQ once in a while.
> 
> ...


He's probably just having a really tough time. A probable worst-case scenario has him in an "they're all soul-sucking succubi" mode; best-case has him questioning each and every interaction that he has w/ a member of the opposite sex, and possibly questioning whether or not there is some sort of ulterior motive behind even the most trivial of niceties.

IMO just continue to be friendly when you have the opportunity to interact w/ him. He should come around before too long.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Especially if you offer food and a sympathetic ear.

The mere fact that you are woman reminds him of what he has lost.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

He is in the misogyny phase. Some men stay there after being torched.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Rugs said:


> My neighbors are divorced and he stayed in the house.
> 
> We are not super close but close enough to be neighborly, borrow things, BBQ once in a while.
> 
> ...


I never really "hated all women" - but I did go further into my own shell right after my divorce. As the others have said, just give him some time.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

He may just be in the "all women are evil" stage that some guys go through. 

How friendly were you with his ex-wife? If you two were fairly friendly, it's possible he thinks you knew about - and condoned by your silence - any infidelity, or other breaches of trust, that she was involved in. 

I know I'm very leery of all of my ex-husband's friends for the simple reason that many of them knew about his cheating for years and never told me. I don't have the emotional energy - or the level of give-a-damn - required to sort the ones who didn't know from the ones who did, so I just assume they all did and avoid them all.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

If you and your husband can get him over for dinner and drinks (not too many), you can make him feel better. You have no idea what a difference having a sympathetic ear can do.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

After DDay, divorce, and learning about EAs, I retreated and avoided contact from female married friends and acquaintances. 

I didn't want to risk disrespecting their husbands.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

... because I was single and had no desire to be suspected as a posOM.

I agree to give him some time. And if you're married, have your husband invite him over to bbq.


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

Everyone is different, so it's hard to say what he's thinking. I went through a period where the divorce was ALL I could think about, and I was very depressed. I didn't want to bring other people down, but it's like an 800lb gorilla in the room. I needed to talk about it, but I wasn't comfortable talking about it with just anyone. Maybe he's feeling the same way. It's weighing on his mind too much to ignore, but doesn't want to bring others down, and maybe doesn't trust you enough to talk about it, so he avoids you. A lot of times, I still don't know what to say to some people.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

For me - after we broke up (it was mutual, but she did kinda dump me a little bit, heh), I had a neighbor whose kids used to play with mine. We've got the big garden and the playground, so a lot of the time the neighborhood kids hang out at ours. After the breakup (the ex and I still cohabit), she came by once with her kids and stayed around for a while before she left. The ex totally flipped when she found out.

Apparently she doesn't mind me dating, as long as nothing happened close enough to impact the kids. I see her point.

Oh - and yes, we were totally flirting with each other, neighbor lady and I. It could definitely have gotten messy.


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