# Husband vs Mother in Law



## wowsers (Jul 20, 2010)

So - my husband is trying to make my birthday special...considering all the drama our relationship has been through.  It is SO involved...I won't get into it all...but here's my dilemma. We are just beginning to get closer to my mother again - after a TERRIBLE family incident. My husband was involved. She lives out of state. 

Well, she invited us home ..for the first time in over a year -- my husband said it was too expensive to fly our 3 party family there...so he suggested we fly HER to us. (That means the birthday party she had planned with my other relatives at home - was cancelled). My mom has been a good sport about it - and agreed to come visit.

I'm now learning that she is flying in Friday (today) and leaving Sunday mid-day. Well, my husband is having my mom watch our little one overnight. So, essentially he's making her the babysitter while he takes me to a hotel (i'm guessing - I don't know). I obviously am the innocent party in all of this. Do I stop this before it begins?

I find it terribly rude to ask my Mom to cancel her plans at home - then fly TO US - and then to leave her with our little one - while we go celebrate. She wanted to celebrate WITH us... 

How do I step in and fix this so my Mom doesn't end up hurt and I don't hurt my husband? I know that he's trying to do something nice for me- but he just doesn't have the common sense to avoid hurting others in the process.

Any advice would be appreciated. If you think I'm over sensitive - please tell me that, too. I feel very confused...and it's MY birthday. Thanks.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

From your writing you already seemed to have picked a side - your Mom's - which I don't think is totally fair.

A)You guys couldn't afford to fly there so making him out to be a rude SOB for that and your mom having to cancel plans just isn't fair - it was a legitimate reason - maybe your mom could of checked with you first to see if it was an option before starting to make said plans.

B) I would talk to your husband and ask him if he has asked your mom if she is ok with babysitting - maybe he's had this planned for a while and your mom coming kind of threw a kink in those plans. If not - either a) find a babysitter to stay so your mom doesn't feel like the responsibility is on her b)move the night away to another night.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am gonna have to agree with TNgirl here. Really? He is flying your mom in, having her babysit so she can spend as much time as she can with her grandchild, and you are calling him inconsiderate? Would it be better if you hired a sitter and left your mom at home by herself watching TV while he took you out for your birthday??


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I think I would have the same concern you have. Your husband should include your mom in the birthday celebration. It is rude to ask her to come all this way just to baby sit and not be included in any festivities. Although, I don't understand you saying he's taking you to a hotel. Can't see how that celebrates your birthday very much or how it would be so special. Of course, that's based on my understanding tonight is your birthday celebration. Anyway, hubby needs a better plan.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

If your mom is unaware that she's going to be the babysitter, then ya its rude. I would ask your H if he told your mom that's what is planned for her. If your mom doesnt know, then id have a change of plans where the whole family goes out to do something. I wouldnt spring that on my mom.


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