# Does it ever happen?



## sms0422

Been on the emotional roller coaster for 4 months now with my husband and it is finally coming down to us getting ready to officially split. Getting the house ready to sell etc.

While I know that I should be moving forward 100% with my life, at times I feel like my husband does not truly feel like he "lost me" as nothing has changed in our home since his D talk, besides the words "I want a divorce". He hasn't filed the papers yet and when I mention it, he seems to ignore the topic. 

Has it happened where when you finally sell your house and move on completely without your spouse, that they realize they have lost you and work towards reconciling? I know I sound pathetic and I would never, ever tell him I have these thoughts as I have shown that I am ready to move on in his face, but deep down, I do wish we could work this out.


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## cdbaker

YES IT ABSOLUTELY HAPPENS.

Especially with men I think. I talk about it all the time here on TAM, but I see stories of this over and over again around here. Stories of women trying their hardest for months and years to get through to their husband, wanting them to see how unhappy they are, or how bad things have gotten and how serious they are, etc, all the while trying to maintain the relationship and their lives as best they can, until they finally crack and call it quits. That's when they leave, or kick their husbands out, or find themselves caught up in an affair, or just file for divorce. Then they can't figure it out when their husbands respond with shock and confusion, saying they had no idea things were so bad or that she was unhappy, and only then do they really start doing everything they can to turn things around. By then however, the women are more often than not fully girded to divorce and ending the relationship, feeling beyond the point of brokenness and they cannot be dissuaded, despite the fact that their husband are finally committed to being the husband they always wanted.

It's wild but I really believe this comes down to communication styles between the sexes. I think that most men and women utterly fail to realize that women and men communication completely differently, and you can't speak to your spouses the way you would speak to your best friend. So women keep trying to share their concerns and feelings with us as if we are women, being very casual about it, indirect, passive-aggressive, etc. We men find it hard to distinguish how serious she is, if this is different from any other nagging she performs in similar ways, if this is just her time of the month or a seasonal "mood" thing, etc. Maybe we hear the message and we commit to some effort to fixing one or two things because we truly believe that if things were really so dire, that she would pull out all the stops and make it 100% DIRECTLY crystal clear what the situation was. Women seem to perceive this minimal effort as evidence that he got the message but just doesn't care enough about her to commit long term, or that he just gives up quickly or doesn't "get" her, etc.

As a man, I can't for the life of me figure out why women who want to get through to their husband can't understand that they need to speak to him like a man and not like a woman. Don't dance around it, don't be passive, don't surgar coat it, or enable me to not have to deal with it by giving me time or walking away afterwards. Be DIRECT, honest, short and concise. Make it cause and effect, choices and consequences, sink or swim. These are the things we understand.

So as for your example scenario, I'm sure there have been LOTS of cases where there is finally a drastic consequence (house sold, wife moved out) of inaction on the part of your spouse that finally wakes them up to the situation they are in and they realize what they need to do in order to turn things around.

My question is HOW have you shown him you are ready to move on? HOW have you shared with him how bad the marriage has gotten? HOW have you made it clear to him that he needs to make some changes or else accept that DIVORCE is the next step? The idea is to pull out all the stops and make certain that even a 5 year old would understand. Doing so will put him into a position where he has no choice but to choose to either commit himself to doing what it takes to fix the marriage, or choose not to and accept the inevitable divorce.


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## slb121

cdbaker said:


> YES IT ABSOLUTELY HAPPENS.
> 
> Especially with men I think. I talk about it all the time here on TAM, but I see stories of this over and over again around here. Stories of women trying their hardest for months and years to get through to their husband, wanting them to see how unhappy they are, or how bad things have gotten and how serious they are, etc, all the while trying to maintain the relationship and their lives as best they can, until they finally crack and call it quits. That's when they leave, or kick their husbands out, or find themselves caught up in an affair, or just file for divorce. Then they can't figure it out when their husbands respond with shock and confusion, saying they had no idea things were so bad or that she was unhappy, and only then do they really start doing everything they can to turn things around. By then however, the women are more often than not fully girded to divorce and ending the relationship, feeling beyond the point of brokenness and they cannot be dissuaded, despite the fact that their husband are finally committed to being the husband they always wanted.
> 
> It's wild but I really believe this comes down to communication styles between the sexes. I think that most men and women utterly fail to realize that women and men communication completely differently, and you can't speak to your spouses the way you would speak to your best friend. So women keep trying to share their concerns and feelings with us as if we are women, being very casual about it, indirect, passive-aggressive, etc. We men find it hard to distinguish how serious she is, if this is different from any other nagging she performs in similar ways, if this is just her time of the month or a seasonal "mood" thing, etc. Maybe we hear the message and we commit to some effort to fixing one or two things because we truly believe that if things were really so dire, that she would pull out all the stops and make it 100% DIRECTLY crystal clear what the situation was. Women seem to perceive this minimal effort as evidence that he got the message but just doesn't care enough about her to commit long term, or that he just gives up quickly or doesn't "get" her, etc.
> 
> As a man, I can't for the life of me figure out why women who want to get through to their husband can't understand that they need to speak to him like a man and not like a woman. Don't dance around it, don't be passive, don't surgar coat it, or enable me to not have to deal with it by giving me time or walking away afterwards. Be DIRECT, honest, short and concise. Make it cause and effect, choices and consequences, sink or swim. These are the things we understand.
> 
> So as for your example scenario, I'm sure there have been LOTS of cases where there is finally a drastic consequence (house sold, wife moved out) of inaction on the part of your spouse that finally wakes them up to the situation they are in and they realize what they need to do in order to turn things around.
> 
> My question is HOW have you shown him you are ready to move on? HOW have you shared with him how bad the marriage has gotten? HOW have you made it clear to him that he needs to make some changes or else accept that DIVORCE is the next step? The idea is to pull out all the stops and make certain that even a 5 year old would understand. Doing so will put him into a position where he has no choice but to choose to either commit himself to doing what it takes to fix the marriage, or choose not to and accept the inevitable divorce.





Thank you for your honest answer and no judgment. It's tough sometimes to be truly exposed on here when you just hear "move on with your life" "Put yourself first" etc. While I am trying to do so, I feel like I continuously crawl through a maze. 

I never wanted the divorce or separation and did express these feelings to my husband originally but without pleading, begging, threatening or guilting him. Just the honesty of I believed our marriage deserved more than just a quick snap to say "divorce" without actually trying to resolve whatever unhappiness, problems, lack of communication - he felt we had. However, I did what I thought was best in the situation and agreed that if he was that unhappy, I would not fight the divorce and as someone who truly loved him, I would let him go gracefully. Unfortunately not only is he stubborn, but he's passive aggressive, controlling about things and believes his unhappiness in life is all due to me and his happiness lies elsewhere. Not in the form of another woman as far as I can see. I have checked our cell records, bank statements, computer and don't see any evidence to support an affair. 

It's been related to me by more than one person who knows us both that the threat of divorce was originally a manipulative tool, however, once I went through with accepting his choice, advising family and friends of his decision, his path was made and he couldn't turn back now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash.

I've seen it but usually by the time it happens it's too late. The wife has already moved on.


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## noas55

This is where you also hear stories of couple having been married to each other twice. It happens more than you realize. As long as he has not filed, there is hope that marriage can be saved. If he files and it goes through, he could come back to you. MAVASH is correct though, the other spouse has usually moved on.
This was a major concern for me when my wife wanted to leave. I was afraid I would be put in the position to have to chose my W over my new love if w came crawling back. My love would never had died enough for me to not consider the option


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## slb121

Days, weeks, now months have gone by and no real sign that he is going to call off the divorce and try to work on us. He does seem tormented at times but won't show any emotion besides anger? No tears or sadness. It all comes out as anger. Is that just a typical male response to the situation? 

The house went on the market Thursday night and he flipped out on me as soon as the realtors left as I was late getting home due to traffic and pouring rain. The next morning, he apologized saying he was not mad at me at all - that he was mad "they were in our home " - meaning the realtors. Well this is what you asked for - divorce and home sale as neither if us can afford to live here without the other. So you are getting what you want - so why isn't he happy and focused? Throwing a temper tantrum at 46 years old seems way overboard especially when you initiated all D discussions and lead the way to sell our home. Talk about confusing


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## noas55

It is obvious he has anger issues. I think he is feeling guilty and when a man feels guilty about something they usually lash out. This does not mean it is your fault in their eyes, but you are simply in the way of the outburst.
can you two sit down and talk w/o arguing? If you can, keep your questions short and simple. try to get him to open up on WHY he wants a divorce and if possible can you make amends for something YOU did.
He may need you to lead him by the hand. I have been doing this with my wife for 3 months and still doing it. You may need to sacrifice a little pride to get him to feel comfortable to open up.


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## slb121

I don't think I've been the peachy, perfect wife 100 percent of the time. Who is?  However, for the past 3 years of our marriage, I have been faithful, doting, considerate, respectful, attentive, did all "housewife" duties as well as holding down a full time job which earns the money in our home. We always had a great sex life and did enjoy the same things, although he claims now we are "incompatible". Huh? Since when? I think my only downfall has always been that I dislike conflict and when a fight erupted, I always backed down, apologized unnecessarily and would sweep it up under the rug. I admit I have been a push over to him and he always knew what was effective to hurt my feelings in a fight. I swear when I finally started standing up for myself, that's when I got the D talk. So much for men respecting your voice and strength! Not my husband. It only got me the D word. 

I did try to calmly discuss us a couple of times with him but he immediately gets defensive and sticks with his original speech of how he is unhappy, feels unfulfilled in life, and we are incompatible and just wants a divorce. I would say mid life crisis but I am 9 years younger than him already. So if he's looking to trade me in for a younger model, he cannot go much younger. Ha! 

I have always maintained a great figure as I wanted to stay "Fit" for not only him but I enjoy a healthy lifestyle. I work out and eat healthy and am considered an attractive woman. After his desire to divorce, I was told by so many people they never understood why I found him appealing as he was not in my league look wise and within the last year, he became a total homebody and never wanted to go out or do things anymore. I never cared about looks - I fell in love with the person. Although the guy my husband is now, is a pale version of the man I fell in love with 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sms0422

It is amazing how many stories on TAM seem to mirror each others situations with regards to divorce and the situations we are in. I guess it is somewhat a comfort to know that I am not alone here.


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## slb121

Sorry sms0422 - I didn't mean to hijack your thread! I have been going through the same feelings as you are, wondering if my husband will finally wake up and realize he is losing everything. Perhaps I do not mean as much to him as he does to me.


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## cdbaker

SLB, it sounds like your husband has some growing up to do. It also sounds like he is depressed, therefore being unhappy and isn't exactly positive why. Maybe he thinks a new relationship would help or new surroundings, but isn't really positive of that and is thus angry as a result of the frustration. Frustration of not knowing what is wrong or what needs to change, of understanding that his telling you that divorce is the answer means that you need to sell the house and move on, but that bit of finality is scary when you don't know if that is actually going to help anything.

You haven't really described any detail of why he thinks it is the relationship that is making him unhappy, or what traits/behaviors of yours that he has a problem with? The less specific he is about that, the more inclined I am to think that he is depressed and that it might not have anything to do with you. If that's the case, divorce certainly won't make him feel any better, he'll just be more alone and more miserable.


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## slb121

Well you aren't the first person to tell me how immature my husband is behaving. As someone who seems to believe that there is only one road - one destination, which is divorce, he certainly doesn't act that way. He is more erratic, irrational, and angry than I am and I am the one who is being left! There are days he is so kind to me, tells me he still loves me and wants to be in constant contact with me. Then the next day, he shuts himself off completely to me and I barely get a "hello". Athough I don't want a divorce, nor sell our home, fighting him, crying, begging, or pleading isn't going to do anything but "guilt" him and push him farther away. So I have tried to maintain a level of calmness throughout these past 3 months and although there have been moments of outbursts of anger, I seldom let him see me cry or that I am devastated. I want him to know that I WILL be okay without him. At the end of the day, I have to be. Even though the thought of us not being together, kills me. I have tried to have a heart to heart with him, asking if this is what he truly wants and he has said it is. So that is that.

I truly believe his unhappiness stems from something within him. He began to use marijuana alot last year and continues to smoke on a daily basis. It got to the point where he never wanted to leave the house to go out to lunch or dinner, go to a movie, or even go to a local pub to watch a football game. My husband never wanted to leave the house unless it was to go to work. 

As far as things that my husband has said he didn't like about me - well, they are pretty comical in my opinion. He says I like to go to sleep early, workout and eat healthy - which I mentioned in a post last night. I work an hour away from our home and I have alot of rush hour traffic. I cannot stay up until all hours of the night and be alert and focus at my job. He likes to stay up late smoking pot, but his commute to work is 10 minutes. He finds eating healthy and working out "boring" and he does not share that interest. Well, I do not think smoking pot 24-7 is a barrel of laughs. So perhaps we do have things in our marriage that we do not agree on, but are those reasons "good enough" for divorce??! :scratchhead:


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## soulpotato

Yes, it definitely happens. Happened with me. (Former wayward.) The same afternoon that GF moved out of the house, a change began in me. A week later, I started begging her to think about R. Over the months, I've been doing all the things she always wanted to me to do (but I never really listened/got it). I think I am finally becoming the partner she always wanted - after the fact.


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## slb121

What a night. We had three showings at the house last night. Like that wasn't bad enough on my heart. 

My husband and I got into a disagreement about items in our home - who is getting what - and it just transpired from there. Unfortunately, my husband tends to be a narcissist and he believes he is entitled to so much more than me. 

Furthermore, I lost my beloved cat in November 2012 who is buried in our backyard. I never, ever thought we would leave that home and I was always so happy that my cat would be with me "forever". I mentioned to my husband that I am having an extremely hard time separating from our home because our cat is there and that is what I am most upset about with regards to selling our home. He started screaming at me that it was pathetic that the thing I am most upset about, with regards to the house is "a dead cat" and not my husband! WHAT???!! 

First of all, how cruel to say "a dead cat". My cat meant the world to me and he knows that. I do not have any children so my cat was like a child to me. Secondly, why should he care about what I am going to miss "most" about our house? If he is set on divorcing me and selling our home, why does he care that I am going to miss the cat most with regards to the house? His lashing out at me just put me in such a bad way last night and it has continued into today. I feel so distraught.


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## cdbaker

I don't have a lot of time to really process a long thought and post here, but my spur of the moment reaction to your last post (SLB) is that he seems really really hurt by hearing that you'll miss the cat most instead of him. The fact that this bothers him so much sure seems like he is not so sure about divorce. 

I think you said it yourself here, "If he is set on divorcing me and selling our home, why does he care that I am going to miss the cat most with regards to the house?"

It makes me think that he isn't so set on divorce, but maybe just thinks it's necessary for some other reason. Like to make you happy or that he isn't worthy or maybe thinks that he can't make you happy or give you what you deserve. In fact, (taking more time than I should to write this, lol) the short list of things you mentioned that he said he doesn't like about you are all good things that are smart and healthy, things that he maybe can't bring himself to commit to. I could see a depressed person seeing that and being disappointed in themselves over it and thinking they aren't worthy.

Just food for thought.


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## slb121

Thank you for your reply, CD. I often wonder if my husband has been suffering from some kind of depression or disorder. As I mentioned before, he has taken to smoking pot every day for the past year. He used to smoke here and there but now it is an every day event - morning and night. However, if I happened to drink too much alcohol one night, I was an "alcoholic". I do not drink alcohol first thing in the morning and I certainly do not drink alcohol every day! Always seemed like a double standard to me?

Family and close friends who know us as a couple have commented that they thought if anyone left our marriage, it would be me walking out due to his anger issues, narcissism, and passive aggressive behavior. Sure, all of those traits of my husband are extremely difficult to deal with. BUT deep down, I truly believed he was a wonderful man and loved me. I guess I have to face the facts that perhaps he loves himself more and just wants to be single again. Maybe he believes the grass is greener and the next woman will make him happier and fulfill every need he has, in ways I could not. 

I just wish I could understand where his anger comes from, towards me. I didn't initiate this divorce, selling our home, or splitting up. So why be mad at me? If he is so clear headed on this path he is taking, be secure within the knowledge he is doing the right thing. The constant battles in the house are exhausting. Then the next minute, he wants to be my "friend", asks if I want a back massage, makes me a cup of coffee and brings it to me in the morning and tells me he loves me. Next day, he is cold, stone faced, and withholds conversation. I hate this darn roller coaster of emotions I am feeling. I was doing SO well. I feel like 3 steps forward and 12 steps back.


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## cdbaker

Again... I'm not a professional in any way, shape or form... and really this is just a gut feeling, but I am still getting the impression that you might be misreading him here... Granted, even if you are, that doesn't necessarily change anything if he is unwilling to work on anything or turn things around.

More and more I keep wondering if he is depressed and feeling trapped. Not necessarily by you, but by himself. Is he successful in his career? Is he well respected/liked by most people? Has he had any other setbacks in recent years? Have YOU had any notable achievements, successes, breakthrough's in the last year or so? Any other noteworthy events in his life like deaths of a close friend/family member, financial setback, etc.?


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## bbird1

sms0422 said:


> I have shown that I am ready to move on in his face, but deep down, I do wish we could work this out.


yes it happens more often than many might think. My friend Tony remarried his wife.

they married young and after 18 years of marriage they divorced and while he was alone he realized he had issues. He began working out, and seeing a therapist to help him with his emotional problems.

well long story short neither had remarried and they ran into each other after nearly 18 months apart. His first words were I'm sorry for losing the man you deserved I won't ever lose him again. Anyway she called him that night and they started dating again and remarried. They have been together 4 years now and he is respecting his promise. They seem very happy as well.


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## slb121

cdbaker said:


> Again... I'm not a professional in any way, shape or form... and really this is just a gut feeling, but I am still getting the impression that you might be misreading him here... Granted, even if you are, that doesn't necessarily change anything if he is unwilling to work on anything or turn things around.
> 
> More and more I keep wondering if he is depressed and feeling trapped. Not necessarily by you, but by himself. Is he successful in his career? Is he well respected/liked by most people? Has he had any other setbacks in recent years? Have YOU had any notable achievements, successes, breakthrough's in the last year or so? Any other noteworthy events in his life like deaths of a close friend/family member, financial setback, etc.?



My husband used to be a musician but when we got married and he moved here, he changed his occupation and while it is a good job, he doesn't earn nearly the same (I make more than he does) and truthfully, I do think he misses being on the road, playing in different countries and the good ole days. However, when we started dating and then talked marriage, he said he was getting too old to be a musician and wanted to settle down, get a 9-5 office job, marry me, have a child, buy a house and grow old together. Unfortunately, it seems like he was unhappy in his previous career and once he made the change to be with me, he is now unhappy and unfulfilled with me. 

I feel like a failure that I didn't give him everything he thought he needed or wanted. 

Things is - if he is uncertain about the divorce, etc., why hasn't he said so? When I have tried to discuss us, he still said he thinks its best for us to split up as again - "he is unhappy" - we have different interests and are incompatible. 

Divorce is final. No turning back. If he has a shred of doubt, time to talk.


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## Willowfin

Well after many very stressful years together (16)- ex and I split. He spend months being almost cruel I guess (Shouting at me to move on, accept we were separated. He even told our mediator -that he never even wanted to marry me.)
I spent 6 months crying on the couch - with our 4 kids living off microwave food! Turning point came and I got off my butt and went to counselling.
Fast forward 18 months - I'm in a different place, mentally emotionally and physically. Ex comes back and says he realises how badly he behaved, how he truly loves me and wants to prove it to me. (I don't live in USA and divorce here is after 5 years apart). We now get on great - and we'll see what happens.

Time out and away from each other (not just a few weeks) is a real eye opener. It does sound like your husband is in a very messed up place (mentally and emotionally) and hopefully clarity will come when you are apart. If not for him - then for you - and your feelings may also change. 
I would focus totally on yourself for the moment - let him have the unimportant items in your house - only a very unhappy person could argue about such little things. 
(sorry about your much loved cat - maybe you could look at having him/her professionally reburied - google - Marley and Me - beloved dog exhumed and reburied). Hard times do get easier


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## slb121

Thank you for your story, Willowfin. I am so pleased to hear things are working out for you and your husband and hope you both continue down the path to reconcile. 

If my husband would "wake up" and realize he doesn't want to lose me or our marriage 2 months after we sell our house and live in separate apartments, what does that do for us? We continue to stay married and date each other while living in separate apartments? It just seems so silly....:scratchhead:


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## cdbaker

slb121 said:


> My husband used to be a musician but when we got married and he moved here, he changed his occupation and while it is a good job, he doesn't earn nearly the same (I make more than he does) and truthfully, I do think he misses being on the road, playing in different countries and the good ole days. However, when we started dating and then talked marriage, he said he was getting too old to be a musician and wanted to settle down, get a 9-5 office job, marry me, have a child, buy a house and grow old together. Unfortunately, it seems like he was unhappy in his previous career and once he made the change to be with me, he is now unhappy and unfulfilled with me.


I could see these being causes for depression. Giving up a job that he probably loved but decided it was best to give up and "grow up". (Making a logic based decision to trump an emotional decision is tough, and prone to second guessing) With that decision being closely related to you, and seeking to fulfill your dreams (I'm guessing getting married, having a child, buying a house, with a stable life is part of your dream), could certainly lead him to feel like the whole thing was a mistake because he isn't feeling happy now but was then. Making less money than your wife can be tough for a lot of guys and make them feel like a failure, because most men or more or less trained since birth to be the providers and to not be the provider is to be a failure as a man. 

Further, I could see him conflicted in the sense that he knows HE chose all of this. He chose this life, he made these decisions, and if he regrets anything, it really isn't fair to blame you for it, but certainly there could still be resentment underneath. Resentment that he may have made many of those decisions/changes for you, maybe felt like you convinced him to make them, etc. But again, he can't just get angry and try to change anything now, as that would mean more broken promises to you and it wouldn't be fair to you, again equating to more failing as a man.



slb121 said:


> I feel like a failure that I didn't give him everything he thought he needed or wanted.


This isn't your fault by any stretch.



slb121 said:


> Things is - if he is uncertain about the divorce, etc., why hasn't he said so? When I have tried to discuss us, he still said he thinks its best for us to split up as again - "he is unhappy" - we have different interests and are incompatible.


See if it is depression, then that is a very debilitating condition. Depression can cause people to just stop going to work one day, to remove themselves from relationships, cease basic sanitation, etc. If it can do those things, it can certainly make him not have the energy/motivation to figure these things out. He could be at a point where he just figures he is so messed up that he is doing you more of a favor by sending you on your way, while at the same time giving him a chance to reboot himself. But to openly talk about something like that is difficult for men as it exposes weakness, fear, doubt, etc.

Does it make sense for a guy to sooner lose his marriage than risk his sense of manliness? No probably not, but again, depression can take that fight right out of a person...


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## slb121

I have come to really look forward to your responses, CD, as you really have some shed light onto my rather dark situation. 

I have felt for a long time that my husband holds resentment towards me for "ruining" his life, by HIS decision to marry me, move here, and stop being a musician. I forgot to add that he isn't from the United States, so we had to go through the immigration process to be able to legally get married so another reason why I believed we would be together forever. You do not go through years of being separated, only in communication through telephone calls, emails, sending each other pictures (this was before FaceTime was created!) not to mention all the paperwork, paying alot of money to USCIS, etc. - just to throw it all away after only 3 years of marriage! This was a long process and when we notified that our application was approved, we were the two happiest people in the world! Or so I thought.  

I certainly never held a gun to his head, nor begged him to change his life for me. When we talked about making a life together, I had offered to move to where he lived but he insisted that he wanted an office job, verses being a traveling musician and his happiness and future life, was with me in the US. I would constantly question whether he thought he would truly be happy giving up his career and moving to the US and he always said that no one was "special" enough to make him change his life and that I was that "one person" who could change his mind. 3 years of marriage later and apparently, I am not special anymore.

Although I haven't found a shred of evidence that there is another woman, I cannot help but wonder if there could be. It is irrelevant at this point and I certainly am not going to stalk him or actively seek to find out. However, due to his past history of thinking his "happiness" is just waiting around the corner for him, perhaps he believes we have too much baggage/damage in our marriage and he thinks moving onto a new, fresh relationship with someone who doesn't know all his "issues" - he can go back to being King of the world with a clean slate. People get drunk off the high of a new person who is telling you all the right things. Again, I do not know for sure if there is another woman waiting in the wings, but I cannot help but wonder at this juncture. 

I have always inherently believed that some people become musicians for the love of music. And some become musicians for the attention, the adoring fans and an ego boost. When you stop getting that constant attention and admiration, having just a wife at home, doesn't seem so warm and fuzzy. Although I have always told my husband how wonderful, beautiful, sexy, charming and fantastic he is - perhaps just "one" adoring fan isn't enough for him anymore.


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## slb121

Well, it appears I have reached the end of any hopes of reconciling. Our house is under contract and we close on the home on October 15th.  

I am having such a hard time with dealing with all of this. Just when I think I am strong and moving forward, something sets me back to square one.


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## cdbaker

That sure was fast... I will say that selling the home doesn't have to mean the end of the marriage, not by a long shot. In fact I bet there are lots of folks here who would argue that unloading the house might be a huge stress relieving for the both of you, or serve as a wake up call that makes one or both of you realize that you don't want to see the marriage end. I could easily see that result from the painful moments of packing up memories over the next six weeks...

With so much change, who knows what the future will bring. I could see things turning around still. If they don't, then this is just one last bridge that needs to be crossed before you discover something new..


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## slb121

We have a very lovely home. I knew it was going to sell and fast. I was so upset all weekend - while he walked around completely unphased by it all. 

It is truly remarkable that someone can just cut their emotions off towards you so easily. 6 years together - 3 years of marriage. It really harms my feelings of worth that it is just so easy for him to walk away from me. It is hard as heck for me to walk away from our home, our marriage and the love we shared. Even though deep down, I know that the person he has become isn't the man I married. I know in some ways I am better off, as I have the opportunity to find someone who treats me like a gem - verses someone who could disrespect me and our marriage so quickly. However, the love I have for him is still there. I wish it wasn't.


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