# Why i'm separating



## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

Hello, i've been married 7 years ago, no kids, i'm her first man, we both christians, and now we're facing separation and possibly a divorce, next month she'll be moving out. There was no cheating or emotional or even physical abuse, but we couldn't live as a married couple anymore, we're very unequal, we just don't fit to each other, we faced a lot of problems like finances, personality issues (she has strong personality, arrogant, ambitious and materialistic), too much arguing, unrealistic expectations, in laws, and the worst ones: the children issue (she wants, i used to want but nowadays i don't think i'm ready), her church fanaticism, we attend different churches but she won't leave her church and go attend with me, just won't, this kills me! Unfortunately! We tried talking, didn't work out. Counselling? I don't think it's a good idea because either way, she's a narcissistic and arrogant! She has a very hardened heart! I'll never put a woman on a pedestal again, never! I love her but i couldn't find another solution but divorce her, there was no way out. Maybe i should pray to God but now it's late! 
Anyway, that's me experience i wanted to share with you. Now sadly i'm starting to prepare myself to live as a single guy again, unless things change, i change, she changes but...I don't believe it! 
Life goes on!


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Why should she change churches? And how could you marry without working this issue out first, if religion is so important to both of you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

how old are the two of you?


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## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> how old are the two of you?


We're both in our thirties!


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## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

Jane139 said:


> Why should she change churches? And how could you marry without working this issue out first, if religion is so important to both of you?


It is not good for a married couple attend separate churches, she as my wife should go where i go. Is not a question of submission but i'm the husband, i'm the leader. I married her it was ok but people change.


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Doesn't sound like she is buying into "because you are the husband" bit to me...


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I'm not one to get on religious tears, but I agree that it feels closer as a couple to attend the same church, but the relationship is between you and God and that is where the person needs to be, where they feel closer to HIM. My wife and I are both life long Christians, but over the years attended different churches. We did end up finally in the same one that met both of our needs, but it never bothered either one of us to go separately. It is more about beliefs than buildings.
You sight a lot of personality differences between the two of you, were these present in the beginning? Seven years is a long time to be this different?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ason said:


> Hello, i've been married 7 years ago, no kids, i'm her first man, we both christians, and now we're facing separation and possibly a divorce, next month she'll be moving out. There was no cheating or emotional or even physical abuse, but we couldn't live as a married couple anymore, we're very unequal, we just don't fit to each other, we faced a lot of problems like finances, personality issues (she has strong personality, arrogant, ambitious and materialistic), too much arguing, unrealistic expectations, in laws, and the worst ones: the children issue (she wants, i used to want but nowadays i don't think i'm ready), her church fanaticism, we attend different churches but she won't leave her church and go attend with me, just won't, this kills me! Unfortunately! We tried talking, didn't work out. Counselling? I don't think it's a good idea because either way, she's a narcissistic and arrogant! She has a very hardened heart! I'll never put a woman on a pedestal again, never! I love her but i couldn't find another solution but divorce her, there was no way out. Maybe i should pray to God but now it's late!
> 
> Anyway, that's me experience i wanted to share with you. Now sadly i'm starting to prepare myself to live as a single guy again, unless things change, i change, she changes but...I don't believe it!
> 
> Life goes on!



Maybe you should pray? But it's late?

You are a Christian are you not?

Obviously you believe you are. So, why do you doubt Him?

You went searching on the Internet for answers about your marriage. You ended up here on TAM and decided to post about your situation. 

What were you hoping to gain?

How might we help you?


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## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

Jane139 said:


> Doesn't sound like she is buying into "because you are the husband" bit to me...


Yes, it feels like!


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## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

woundedwarrior said:


> I'm not one to get on religious tears, but I agree that it feels closer as a couple to attend the same church, but the relationship is between you and God and that is where the person needs to be, where they feel closer to HIM. My wife and I are both life long Christians, but over the years attended different churches. We did end up finally in the same one that met both of our needs, but it never bothered either one of us to go separately. It is more about beliefs than buildings.
> You sight a lot of personality differences between the two of you, were these present in the beginning? Seven years is a long time to be this different?


In the beginning? No, the years passed and i think we changed a lot. But i think i got tired of everything! Church is not the only issue, there's a lot of problems!


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## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

Ceegee said:


> Maybe you should pray? But it's late?
> 
> You are a Christian are you not?
> 
> ...


I'm praying, even getting divorced because i still love her but sometimes is hard to not doubt him, i don't know why. My love life is falling apart. Sometimes is hard to "trust" in God right now.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ason said:


> I'm praying, even getting divorced because i still love her but sometimes is hard to not doubt him, i don't know why. My love life is falling apart. Sometimes is hard to "trust" in God right now.


My marriage was bad for 3-4 years before we filed for D. 

During that 3-4 years, I prayed every day that God would heal our marriage. That He would show my W how much I loved her and cared for her. 

The day I caught her out to dinner with another man, I changed my prayer. I asked Him that His will be done.

Days later, she filed for D.

While there were many extremely painful stages in between then and now, I can say that I'm so much happier now.

Take a look at your perspective. Trust God. Even when it seems that He is abandoning you because you are not getting what you want. He wants you to be happy and wants what's best for you.


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## ason (Mar 11, 2015)

Ceegee said:


> My marriage was bad for 3-4 years before we filed for D.
> 
> During that 3-4 years, I prayed every day that God would heal our marriage. That He would show my W how much I loved her and cared for her.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry what happened to you. Thanks for sharing and what you said.


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