# Confused



## Potatomusings (Oct 11, 2019)

I thought I wasn’t the kind of person who would purposefully hurt someone, until last night when my husband told me I make him unhappy. The past year has been unimaginably horrible. I lost my sister suddenly and prematurely while I was 8 weeks pregnant. My husband has been my rock throughout, but according to him, for the past few months he has been very unhappy and the main reason is me. I am at a loss for words, I don’t know what to say or think. Any advice would be welcome, especially from those who have lost siblings.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I haven't lost a sibling, but I lost my mom when I was 20, my grandparents in my teens, various Aunts and Uncles, some friends, and my son.

How are you handling your grief? What behaviors or words does your husband say cause this unhappiness?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry for yout loss. How long ago did your sister pass away?

How old is your baby now?

Did he give you any details as to why he's unhappy?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Do you really make him unhappy? Or is the situation other than what it appears to be?


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I don’t know what’s going on, because you need to give us more details, but I’ve been my wife’s support system for a few years now, and I can say a few things about that.

For one, it’s exhausting. Your life is literally not your own. You need to always try to be stable, even when everything’s unstable around you. It’s a lot of hard work always being centered when the person you’re supporting is off-kilter.

For another, it’s very lonely. Nothing is about you, for you, or has anything to do with you. You are a function - support system - not a person. Nobody’s there for you, because all focus is elsewhere.

Lastly, it can feel like your pain, your trauma, your feelings just don’t matter. Which is kind of the case. This can cause resentment if you let it.

Do you think any of these things resonate with your situation?


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Do try, and change for your marriage sake. I know loss of my wife's family, it was pretty easy to put all the burden on your spouse. But when they are full the one dependent on the other spouse, can't see through the pain the they have taken advantage of their spouse. In a way that seems unloving. It can be a shared burden, but not fully dependent on the other. Sorry for your loss.


----------

