# Why do i feel so empty



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

Hello to all. This is my first after snooping around for a while. I am 41 and my wife is 39. We have been married for 15 years. After a great start the first year we began having problems for several years before we began to work them out. I will keep this short but feel free to ask more if needed. The last 5 years things have slowly gotten better as we began to understand each other more. We have both hurt each other but even after things have gotten better I am still lonely and feel distant from her. Not understanding it I first thought she wasn't doing enough but maybe I just can't get my head straight.

We both still have defensive issues. I pulled away from her for several years do to lack of sex primarily. I went from being proud to walk down the street with her by my side to feeling like the jerk walking by her side. Now that things are better I still feel this way and do not think I should. I still wonder what I will mess up next and I am still on eggshells at times. Have the years conditioned my behavior and I can't get out of it? I greatly miss the way I used to feel about her. She thought the world of me and I just can't convince myself of that now even though she loves me.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Lack of sex leads to resentment on both sides.

With this resentment, a woman is not going to feel sexually attracted to a man that fuels it.

And you, walking on eggshells, are fueling it by doing just this.

The solution, stop walking on eggshells.

Stand for yourself.

Stand for your own desires, wants, happiness, and direction.

Become yourself the good man that your woman will be on fire to have sex with! The good man you were at the beginning of the relationship! 

Sexual attraction, this starts with building respect.

Respect starts with standing for yourself.

So first thing, stop walking on the eggshells!

The things that need saying, say them!

The things that need doing, do them!

The things that need to stop being done, put a stop to them!

In this way, you kill both birds with one stone, kill the resentment between you to, and increase respect and sexual attraction. 

For more on these things, in the mens forum:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/16221-how-about-them-apples.html

I wish you well.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

But fighting and arguing lead to resentment, that's why they don't want to have sex.

How about stop fighting and arguing???

You defend yourself, she defends herself! Nobody wins!

How about stop being defensive? What is so important that you have to feel you are right? Isn't a loving marriage more romantic?


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## SarahRenee (Oct 6, 2010)

We, women, are hard to understand. For the lack of sex, women see sex differently then men do, surely once you get married. Before I was married, sex was fun and exciting. Then I got married, and I started resenting him for not helping me around the house or him not giving me attention. So, I didn't want to have sex because he wasn't filling my emotional needs. It wasn't "Oh, I haven't seen you in 2 days" sex anymore. It was "Oh, you want sex but can't sit down and have a conversation or help with dishes" sex.

You shouldn't feel like you are walking on eggshells. That will drive you crazy because you will feel like you have to hold back. You can't be the person you are. Trying to relax, and if you mess up, then you mess up. That's what marriage it about. Everyone messes up.


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## annarasgi (Nov 24, 2010)

I feel for you. I am currently in a marriage which is not working out, I am only 29, I have known him since i was 19. And I get you. I just do not know if I want to try anymore. I feel completely and totally sexless though the odd cuddles between us to work. What to do


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