# stupid tatoo rant



## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

I know I'm going to get hemmered about this, but here goes...

I found this site a few years ago when my wife came home with a tatoo on her foot. She put it in my lap and all I could say was wow, how trashy.... 

Been a year and a half. She said she would get it removed, even went in for a visit with the DR. Since then-no movement.

I know this is stupid, I read this board all of the time and agree with most everything said here, but...

It's been a year and A half since I go into our bathroom without looking at the ceiling when she's there. My first glimpse at her is to see what she's wearing first so I can see if it's OK to look at her without seeing the tat (if you can see her foot, you can see it--very dark and very large)

Stupid, right! I should just get over it. The event opened us up for a LOT of dialog, something we didn't have enough of in our marriage previosly, we needed to talk more, etc. The event made us stronger, but I'm ready to not have to check to make sure if it's ok to look at my wife beforehand.

She's been less and less concerned about keeping it 'out of sight' recently, which is why I told her tonight that one of us won't be around in 6 months.. 

Honestly if the tat is more important to her, whatever. She knew I was against it, was a crappy way she did it too...

Just seems like a stupid reason for me to drop an ultimatum.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

FloridaITguy said:


> I know I'm going to get hemmered about this, but here goes...
> 
> I found this site a few years ago when my wife came home with a tatoo on her foot. She put it in my lap and all I could say was wow, how trashy....
> 
> ...



It doesn't sound like you value her that much to want to divorce over a tattoo. I think that's the real problem not the actual tattoo itself.


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

I'm just very conservative I guess. I have lots of friends with them and don't think any less of them because they have them. 
I spent my time in the Navy, so had plenty of opportunities myself, but not my cup of tea.

My wife has a smaLl butterfly on her rear from before we got married over a decade ago. I've seen the one on her foot more in the past month than I've seen the butterfly. 

It is stupid and I agree with the wow comment. 

The thing is that at stupid as is is, this might be my dealbreaker. I've paid for her to go to school, busted my a$$ to provide for her and our fanmily.

I have nightmares about this (as stupid as it is)
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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

What's really going on. Surely their is more than a tat issue
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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

I'm curious how much else would you divorce your wife over? If she died her hair a color you didn't like and wouldn't die it back? What if her boobs dropped to her stomach? Would you require her to get plastic surgery to have perky breasts or you would divorce? What if her dress style changed to Boho chic? What if she had a saggy tummy and arms?

I am not trying to be mean. I am asking because I do not know you and I want to know if you would divorce if any other aesthetic thing changed on her?


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

We did have intimacy issues for sure. I'm a guy so lack of sex is a given. 
We got to a point to where we were parents and not lovers anymore. I was so worried about making the house payments and etc that yeah, it was a big slap in the face.

She told me she was going wIth her sister and mom to watch them get tattoos while I was getting the house/kids ready for Halloween. There was no mention at all that she might get one
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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I believe a tattoo is a decision that should be made jointly. She knew he was against it and did it anyway. That is being selfish in my book. What I'm getting from this is it's not the actual tat but the fact she doesn't care what he thinks. Disrespect, plain and simple.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> Disrespect, plain and simple.


i think this is exactly the way she meant it. she got her point across to him with out saying a word.
it was an action of FU


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

FloridaITguy said:


> I'm just very conservative I guess. I have lots of friends with them and don't think any less of them because they have them.


So it's just your wife you think less of for it then? I mean c'mon, unless it is something that not even the kids should see, I'm wondering what the hang up is? What is it a tattoo of? Something offensive? Or are you just offended by her having the tattoo?

Again, I agree with other posters here that there are other issues at play. Yes, there can be some really awful choices of tattoo out there, but surely it isn't that bad right? Something else is amplifying the worry over this tattoo and making the tattoo itself the problem.


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

Love song - it's not a divorce her because she gained weight or dyed her hair. We've been through a lot and I DO love her. 

The tat was I guess a catalyst for us. It made us talk more than we had in years and closer. She promised to get it removed and I believed her (stil do). 

I know it's stupid, I know I should just 'get over it'. I've tried. Thing is, I'm just never been a fan and she knows that. I can't help that it makes me less attracted to her, it would to any girl with a tat. I guess the best way to put it is that she knew I wouldn't like it, but did it anyway. My options are to live with it or not.

I love her, I don't love walking around the house looking up all the time. One thing I have learned from TAM is that when all you do is give and give and give, all you get is taken. Maybe you're right it isn't the tattoo
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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

It DID get us talking for sure. Did I look at it as disrespect? Yup, but at the time there was plenty of blame to go around. 

A lot of good came out of it I guess, but I'm ready for her to live up to her end and make it go away
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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> I believe a tattoo is a decision that should be made jointly. She knew he was against it and did it anyway. That is being selfish in my book. What I'm getting from this is it's not the actual tat but the fact she doesn't care what he thinks. Disrespect, plain and simple.


I agree that the way she carried this out was inconsiderate. She should have just said I'm getting a tattoo because it's what I want to do with my body. 

But to say he is going to divorce her if she doesn't get it removed says to me that he doesn't value her.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you have kids? If so, are you wiling, when they're old enough and asking questions about why you and mom split up, to tell them "Well kids, I decided to upheave everyone's lives because of the tattoo on mom's foot.". 

Everybody has their deal breakers in every relationship. This seems like a strange hill to be willing to die upon. Unless its about something more. In which case, the slow rational decision is to figure that out.

C
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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

ANL - it's not offensive at all. But she has had to cover it up a few times already (made a BIG deal about covering it up for my dads funeral)

I keep asking her what is she going to tell the kids when thay want tats at 16.... It's a bad example. Let's be honest and put 'PC' aside, employers really don't want inked employees.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As someone who's done enough hiring of software developers, I couldn't care less if they had a tat on their foot. I might care if they were stupid enough to put it on their face or neck, but if I couldn't see it, I didn't care. And many professionals now do have some ink. I don't myself, but that's just my choice.

C
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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

FloridaITguy said:


> Love song - it's not a divorce her because she gained weight or dyed her hair. We've been through a lot and I DO love her.
> 
> The tat was I guess a catalyst for us. It made us talk more than we had in years and closer. She promised to get it removed and I believed her (stil do).
> 
> ...



Ok in that case I think your associating a lot of the problems in your relationship on this tattoo. Asking her to get a tattoo removal is not going to make your marital problems go away. You might work around your issues until it all boils over but it will not go away. Something else will come up in your life that will force you to deal with it. 

I think you need to see a MC to see what really is the issue in your marriage so you can work on fixing things together.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Love Song said:


> I agree that the way she carried this out was inconsiderate. She should have just said I'm getting a tattoo because it's what I want to do with my body.
> 
> But to say he is going to divorce her if she doesn't get it removed says to me that he doesn't value her.


I can agree with some of what you say. The "it's my body" thing I cannot agree with though. To me that goes hand and hand with " it's my money" and " it's my weekend screw what you have planned". I mean it's my body I don't think I should subject it to a work environment anymore, so I'm going to quit. Sorry that argument holds no water.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

All I am saying is If a decision made by either spouse is going to cause major conflict then it's not one to made alone.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

FloridaITguy said:


> ANL - it's not offensive at all. But she has had to cover it up a few times already (made a BIG deal about covering it up for my dads funeral)
> 
> I keep asking her what is she going to tell the kids when thay want tats at 16.... It's a bad example. Let's be honest and put 'PC' aside, employers really don't want inked employees.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course. I agree with you on the employer not wanting staff inked up. I have tatts all over me (sleeve etc) and cover them for work. I am not a delinquent and mine is a tricky position work-wise as grieving people don't tend to like to see tatts. But I still manage to cover them. And the fact is so did your wife out of respect. I do respect the fact that you don't like tattoos, but I hardly think your kids are going to turn into delinquents because mum has a tattoo or two. If your concern was because she was doing drugs or something of that magnitude in front of them, I would be behind you 100%. Besides, that's the glory of being a parent... you are allowed to say no to your children until they become adults. 

So is it differences in opinion about raising the kids then, maybe coming to the surface?


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

Love Song said:


> I agree that the way she carried this out was inconsiderate. She should have just said I'm getting a tattoo because it's what I want to do with my body.
> 
> But to say he is going to divorce her if she doesn't get it removed says to me that he doesn't value her.


I value her very much. I understand and value your input (as well as everyone else), sorry if it seems like I'm picking on you ;-)

I dropped 40 lbs when it happened. I couldn't eat (sounds completely asinine compared to a lot of other stories here) I re-evaulated everything, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. We talked. We talked a lot. We caught up on 8 years of going through the motions after having kids. A lot of good came out of this, it did bring us together in a wierd way.

Thing is, she said she would get rid of it and made an excuse as to how she misunderstood my 'aversion' and wouldn't have gotten it without talking to me first. She went to a place for a eval (yeah, there was nudging on my part). Got pricing, how many treatmants, etc. 

Yesterday she grabbed me and told me that I'll love her flip flops. Pulls up her pants leg and you can only see HALF of it.
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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Maybe she didn't tell you she was getting a tattoo because she wasn't originally going to? I used to run a studio and many were spur of the moment just cuz their friends were getting one. One girlfriend did, suddenly the 'support group' followed.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> I can agree with some of what you say. The "it's my body" thing I cannot agree with though. To me that goes hand and hand with " it's my money" and " it's my weekend screw what you have planned". I mean it's my body I don't think I should subject it to a work environment anymore, so I'm going to quit. Sorry that argument holds no water.


I wasn't putting so much into what she said as much as her saying it knowing that her husband has a problem with it. 

My point? She should have said something beforehand even if that meant she was calling from the tattoo parlor.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Love Song said:


> I wasn't putting so much into what she said as much as her saying it knowing that her husband has a problem with it.
> 
> My point? She should have said something beforehand even if that meant she was calling from the tattoo parlor.


Ahhh. Sorry I misunderstood your post.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

To me this isn't about tattoos; it's about the respect spouses owe each other. When you get married, your body isn't entirely your own anymore, so you shouldn't do things to your body that you know your spouse has a problem with like tattoos, piercings, shaved head, whatever. 

Personally, I like tattoos, but my husband doesn't, so I would never get one because of my respect for him. 

Having said all that, I think it would be a mistake to divorce over this. I hope you can find a way to work on the underlying issues.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

FloridaITguy said:


> I value her very much. I understand and value your input (as well as everyone else), sorry if it seems like I'm picking on you ;-)
> 
> I dropped 40 lbs when it happened. I couldn't eat (sounds completely asinine compared to a lot of other stories here) I re-evaulated everything, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. We talked. We talked a lot. We caught up on 8 years of going through the motions after having kids. A lot of good came out of this, it did bring us together in a wierd way.
> 
> ...



I don't think your picking on me just involved in the conversation.


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

alone_not_lonely said:


> Maybe she didn't tell you she was getting a tattoo because she wasn't originally going to? I used to run a studio and many were spur of the moment just cuz their friends were getting one. One girlfriend did, suddenly the 'support group' followed.


I could see that happening, she was there with her sis and mom. Still could have called me while she was picking ou her 'art'.

It's a bad situation for her. She got it with her mom and sis. She gets it removed, they will notice. She keeps it... I don't want to see it for the rest of my life. So yeah, she's going to have to decide.
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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

OldGirl said:


> To me this isn't about tattoos; it's about the respect spouses owe each other. When you get married, your body isn't entirely your own anymore, so you shouldn't do things to your body that you know your spouse has a problem with like tattoos, piercings, shaved head, whatever.
> 
> Personally, I like tattoos, but my husband doesn't, so I would never get one because of my respect for him.
> 
> Having said all that, I think it would be a mistake to divorce over this. I hope you can find a way to work on the underlying issues.


This was the point I was trying to make (failed miserably).


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

Divorce IS stupid over this. It really is. But it's been a year and a half. Halloween is not a happy time for me any more since that's the day it happened. Us? We're great, bout as good as we've ever been if not better. I just take the long view and have to admit, I don't want to see it for the rest of my life.
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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

FloridaITguy said:


> Divorce IS stupid over this. It really is. But it's been a year and a half. Halloween is not a happy time for me any more since that's the day it happened. Us? We're great, bout as good as we've ever been if not better. I just take the long view and have to admit, I don't want to see it for the rest of my life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So does she care that this bothers you so much? I mean it must bother you quite a bit to consider divorce.


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

joe kidd said:


> So does she care that this bothers you so much? I mean it must bother you quite a bit to consider divorce.


I think she keeps hopeing I'll get over it eventuslly. 
I was hopeing so too.
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## lou (Apr 22, 2011)

I don't particularly care for tattoos but I don't really mind them either. I'm confused though... You seem upset that you were having issues making house payments and she spent money on useless things (understandable complaint). But don't tattoo removals cost a TON of money? I admit I don't know this first hand but it was my understanding...

Secondly, I just think you need to either let it go or leave. To drag this out over a year and a half is INSANE! Is this the bridge you want to die on? Is this worth ALL the discomfort you feel? You need to let it go - if only for your OWN sake, man!


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## ChelseaBlue (Mar 5, 2012)

FloridaITguy said:


> I know I'm going to get hemmered about this, but here goes...
> 
> Honestly if the tat is more important to her, whatever. She knew I was against it, was a crappy way she did it too...
> 
> ...


You say: If the tat is more important to her, whatever.

She says: If the tat is more important to him than I am, whatever.

You and I both say: Just seems like a stupid reason to drop an ultimatum.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

FloridaITGuy:

I totally get your point of view. She KNEW you didn't like tatoos (not merely 'indifferent', actually DON'T LIKE THEM). She already HAD a small tattoo somewhere NOT visible to the public. 

1.) She decided to get another tattoo, knowing her husband would find it offensive.
2.) She got it in a very public place (her foot.)
3.) She was SNEAKY/DEVIOUS about getting it.
4.) Rather than discuss it with him, she presents it to him as a 'done deal.'
5.) It is a daily and VERY VISIBLE reminder of all of the above.
6.) She promised to remove it, and as of a year later, has not done so.

Aside from finding the tatoo itself offensive, I think it is the sum of the above that is REALLY eating at you, FloridaITguy. Even IF she gets the tatoo removed you will still be dealing with #1, #3, & #4.

Is this indicative of how other conflicts are resolved? Think about it.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

FloridaITguy said:


> I know I'm going to get hemmered about this, but here goes...
> 
> I found this site a few years ago when my wife came home with a tatoo on her foot. She put it in my lap and all I could say was wow, how trashy....


I feel you on this one. I would be livid.

I shudder to think a wife of mine would have a tattoo.

And if she went out and did it after we got married?

I would be really disappointed and pissed.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> I believe a tattoo is a decision that should be made jointly. She knew he was against it and did it anyway. That is being selfish in my book. What I'm getting from this is it's not the actual tat but the fact she doesn't care what he thinks. Disrespect, plain and simple.


Nope, not a joint decision. Sorry I disagree completely. That's me though. I have 6 of them...it's not disrespectful to have tattoos that your spouse doesn't like. I had most of those tattoos before he met me and he knew dang well that was my thing. He accepted that then, he can accept it now.

Same with OP - she already had a butterfly tattoo, it goes without saying that it was most likely she would get another as she already had one.

I don't think it's the tattoo. I think it's the "I was worried about the mortgage payment and she went and got a tattoo" THAT is where the disrespect comes from.

Her problem - lack of being able to prioritize. Not the fact she got a tattoo, the fact she got one when financially she should have either waited or discussed the financial repercussions.

If she can committ to a small infraction of financial "ruin" or discontent between her and her spouse what larger infractions is she willing to committ to.

A hobby or "fetish" aka desire should never superceed financial obligations and responsibilities. That is what prioritizing means.

Can't eat a tattoo, can't live under a tattoo (roof), etc etc.

Or as I say for prioritizing, have to have a house to have electricity, have to have electricity to have a fridge and stove to prep and eat your groceries, have to have a job to all of the above...and it goes on in that cycle. That is the true issue - lack of communication and prioritizing (it also shows in the lack of intimacy too).

Her resentment displays in the fact that she is showing off this tattoo in his face because he didn't "support" her irresponsibilities and lack of prioritizing.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

CantPe,

Absolutely disagree. Tattoo's reflect on the spouse as well the inked party. But the real problem here is one of respect and honesty. This tattoo is merely a symbol of the disconnect of the OP and his spouse. It was obtained without discussion, under false pretenses, and with a promise of removal which hasn't occurred. It is not the tattoo.... it's the relationship.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

KanDo said:


> CantPe,
> 
> Absolutely disagree. Tattoo's reflect on the spouse as well the inked party. But the real problem here is one of respect and honesty. This tattoo is merely a symbol of the disconnect of the OP and his spouse. It was obtained without discussion, under false pretenses, and with a promise of removal which hasn't occurred. It is not the tattoo.... it's the relationship.


My tattoos no where near reflect on my spouse in any area of our lives. They are on me not him. He works in an industry where first impressions are EVERYTHING! He's a sub contractor. Everyone he works with knows me and knows I have tattoos and it does not reflect on his work at all. No one who knows us says to him or to someone who will come back to him "those tattoos look like crap and make him look bad". Just doesn't happen.

I think another poster (sorry didn't catch the user name) is correct. Tattoos are so common place now a days that even the corporate world have come to accept them. The minority is seems are the ones who dislike them these days.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

CantePe said:


> My tattoos no where near reflect on my spouse in any area of our lives. They are on me not him. He works in an industry where first impressions are EVERYTHING! He's a sub contractor. Everyone he works with knows me and knows I have tattoos and it does not reflect on his work at all. No one who knows us says to him or to someone who will come back to him "those tattoos look like crap and make him look bad". Just doesn't happen.
> 
> I think another poster (sorry didn't catch the user name) is correct. Tattoos are so common place now a days that even the corporate world have come to accept them. The minority is seems are the ones who dislike them these days.


While I appreciate your point of view and I am glad your partner's occupation is not impacted by your tattoos. Suffice it to say that is not a universal experience.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

CantePe said:


> Tattoos are so common place now a days that even the corporate world have come to accept them. The minority is seems are the ones who dislike them these days.


I completely agree. But why do people STILL think that getting a tattoo is a mark of individuality or something rebellious? They are everywhere and most people's tattoo ideas are very similar.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

couple said:


> I completely agree. But why do people STILL think that getting a tattoo is a mark of individuality or something rebellious? They are everywhere and most people's tattoo ideas are very similar.


I didn't get my tattoos for anyone else, I was not being rebellious either. They are for me. They mark different stages of my life.

I posted in another thread that was about self harming. I turned to tattoos instead of self harming (I am a former self mutilator\harmer) and it is not only to mark the most significant times of my life but a reminder that each tattoo is one step closer to being even more of a former self mutilator/harmer (cutting is a prevelant issue amoung mostly younger women).

So when I say it's not for anyone else - I truly mean that in the most significant of ways. It is, for me, the very definition of only for me. That's one of the main reasons why my take on tattoos and body image is "not their body, not their business" regardless of who "they" are.

That doesn't mean that I won't or am not open to discussion of the financial side of tattooing. In fact, for me, it's priorities and responsibilities first and foremost before my "tattoo fetish". I will never let it get in the way of my responsibilities or obligations much the same as I would never and have never let self harming get in the way of those same responsibilities and obligations. I worked hard to be where I am today, and still work hard every day to stay and excel past where I am today.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I think you two should divorce if this is such a big problem issue


I do not blame you

Not everyone you are dating/married to is your right match often people rush into things and dont really see eye to eye on anything and are not compatible


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

FloridaITguy,

Your wife already had a tattoo so you weren't morally against them. She has no issues with it. It was probably a spur of the moment thing. It will cost big bucks to remove it. She might get an infection from the removal process. It will definitely leave a scar and/or discoloration. As for covering it, haven't you heard of socks and stockings?

You are considering divorce over this? Are you kidding me? This has nothing to do with her tattoo. Its a power struggle and you don't want to lose it. You complain and complain about her tattoo. And she in turn goes out of her way to show it off knowing it upsets you. You both need to reexamine your marriage and find out where each of you is lacking because you both sound like a couple of spoiled three year olds fighting over a moldy cookie.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Let me put it this way, and I've heard this sentiment echoed by men 30-50 yo, if a girl is a 9 and she gets a tat that doesn't make her a 10 it makes her an 8. It's like spaying graffiti all over a beautiful cathedral. Tattoos are a form of self multilation IMHO.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

> CantPe,<br />
> <br />
> Absolutely disagree. Tattoo's reflect on the spouse as well the inked party.


Well, that's a pretty crappy way to look at things. In my experience, opinions like that are usually held by small minded town gossips. So I genuinely hope that the above statement can't truly be what you believe, CantePe? Or are you just stating a generalization? While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, to judge a person's partner for their actions is ridiculous. That would be like blaming the betrayed party for their spouse's cheating. I only ask for clarification for you point of view, not to attack you.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> FloridaITguy,
> 
> Your wife already had a tattoo so you weren't morally against them. She has no issues with it. It was probably a spur of the moment thing. It will cost big bucks to remove it. She might get an infection from the removal process. It will definitely leave a scar and/or discoloration. As for covering it, haven't you heard of socks and stockings?
> 
> You are considering divorce over this? Are you kidding me? This has nothing to do with her tattoo. Its a power struggle and you don't want to lose it. You complain and complain about her tattoo. And she in turn goes out of her way to show it off knowing it upsets you. You both need to reexamine your marriage and find out where each of you is lacking because you both sound like a couple of spoiled three year olds fighting over a moldy cookie.


If I could have been more eloquent, this is EXACTLY what I would have posted, Beowulf. I didn't know how to say 'smells like a control issue' without raising hackles.

So in short... What he said


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

> Let me put it this way, and I've heard this sentiment echoed by men 30-50 yo, if a girl is a 9 and she gets a tat that doesn't make her a 10 it makes her an 8. It's like spaying graffiti all over a beautiful cathedral. Tattoos are a form of self multilation IMHO.


That's a pretty big generalization. Not all men feel that tattoos ruin a woman. I'm not saying putting a tatt on her will make her better looking. Doesn't work that way. But unless they are hideous, badly done tattoos, I can't see how it instantly makes her less valuable aesthetically to all men. 

I see boob jobs and lots of other cosmetic procedures as self mutilation. Do you see eye to eye with me on that? And please don't tell me the A cup lady who swings round the corner with new double D's did it to feel better about herself or for herself. Let's be honest here, if she doesn't give herself a black eye with them, the neck strain will kill her.

...unless maybe she was doing the boy scout thing and being prepared in case of a boat capsizing? Personal floatation devices are the in thing this summer.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

enoughisenough said:


> I don't even judge a person by their own tattoos let alone their spouse. There's a guy around who has, what I consider, an offensive tattoo. I don't like the tattoo but I don't judge him for it either. I figure it might be the leftovers of youth which he may have outgrown (though I'd probably modify it in that place!).


Lol. Ah, youthful folly. I agree. I don't like offensive tattoos- 'Aussie Pride' always makes me cringe in relation to the Bondi riots. It's just dredging up old issues and inciting racism. But most people don't get Aussie Pride just cuz they are proud to be Australian. 

But again, you can put that down to stupid sh!t they thought was cool at the time when they were younger. Doesn't mean they are that same person now.

Anything I think someone could find remotely offensive (and they aren't offensive in the inciting sense, but may be seen as fantasy grotesque/creepy), I keep to the more covered parts of my body. Much like I wear clothes to make sure my ladyparts aren't hanging out in public where it isn't acceptable.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

zsu234 said:


> Let me put it this way, and I've heard this sentiment echoed by men 30-50 yo, if a girl is a 9 and she gets a tat that doesn't make her a 10 it makes her an 8. It's like spaying graffiti all over a beautiful cathedral. Tattoos are a form of self multilation IMHO.


Not to start a debate on the ethicacy of tattoos but you do realize that they were originally done to convey importance of Kings, nobles and shamans. They are still performed in many religious rituals. Its a personal decision and frankly one that should be respected. I wouldn't presume to question why a man has a beard or why a woman has chosen to shave her head. Frankly its none of my business and doesn't hurt anyone so what is the harm?

If my wife got cancer and lost her hair I wouldn't divorce her. If I was in a car accident and lost a limb she wouldn't divorce me. People's appearances can change over time. People's appearances can change due to circumstances. While I agree that physical attractiveness is extremely important I hold that its what is inside that really counts.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> Not to start a debate on the ethicacy of tattoos but you do realize that they were originally done to convey importance of Kings, nobles and shamans. They are still performed in many religious rituals. Its a personal decision and frankly one that should be respected. I wouldn't presume to question why a man has a beard or why a woman has chosen to shave her head. Frankly its none of my business and doesn't hurt anyone so what is the harm?
> 
> If my wife got cancer and lost her hair I wouldn't divorce her. If I was in a car accident and lost a limb she wouldn't divorce me. People's appearances can change over time. People's appearances can change due to circumstances. While I agree that physical attractiveness is extremely important I hold that its what is inside that really counts.


A beard or shaved head is not permanent.

Lost hair to cancer or lost limb due to an accident is just completely different. Are you being serious even making that comparison?


Paying some stranger good money to permanently scar your own body with a tattoo that for many people is a momentary whim of youth under the influence of alcohol is completely different.

I dont get tattoos at all, and I don't want too.

That's fine if other people want to do that to their bodies.


But I understand the OP being disappointed that his wife did that.

I agree, with the poster who said it's like spraying grafitti on a cathedral.


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

i dunno why you care so much and you're so bothered by her tattoo. its art - even if you dont appreciate it, at least respect that she does.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*But I understand the OP being disappointed that his wife did that.*

Well, it's ok to be disappointed. But if you love her, and value who she IS.... then how can it be THAT disgusting that you can't even look at it??? 

If you love someone you should be able to handle a disappointment now and then....because they are more than just a sum of their parts....aren't they?


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

If intimacy is lacking do you think she did it for herself to feel sexy? Maybe it makes her feel sexy? Maybe it wasn't a huge plan to 'defy' her husband as suggested? 

I can understand him wanting to convey a conservative image for himself... but knowing his wife had a tatt on her backside when he married her kinda conveys to me he knew she had that 'naughty' streak. To impose the conservative image on his wife kinda seems silly. 
People who have tatts on their bum tend to not be ultra conservative. I have ink everywhere but my backside, nether regions and boobs- and my ex did the work. The thought of any ink there was too naughty (lol) for me.

So essentially, as long as only the OP knows about that 'wild' streak (and it's not like she's wearing latex and f*ck me boots down the street or to pick up the kids), it's ok by him. But for anyone else to see his wife as anything other than a nun-like figure... he starts to freak out.

It's not like it's on her neck or face. She can cover it. If she got it to feel sexy and it makes her feel sexy and naughty and can't even feel sexy at home with it uncovered... then it backfired for her. He knew she was given to impulse (which, essentially is what a tiny butterfly tatt on her @ss is... cuz I'll bet my bottom dollar that was a spur of the moment thing) when he married her and then expects her to live like a nun (yep, nuns don't "corrupt" children, mark their bodies with tatts OR have sex either).

A tattoo doesn't change who you are. This particular one doesn't get in the way of that smile he found so charming when they met. She can cover it to keep up her good girl image in public. Unless they wrote it into their vows that she would never again get one after marrying him- it's over reaction because he can't control what she did. And it furthers the control issue cuz he demands she remove it and she hasnt. She has *gasp* a will and mind of her own, as well as wants. She did it without asking for his permission like a child. She's not banging heroin into her arm for God's sake. Smells like control.

OP, if you think it's ugly now, wait til she gets it removed. I guarantee you will hate the ugly scarring 10 times more.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I don't mind tattoo's, but that's my personal opinion and not the same as the OP's. He doesn't like them, and he doesn't have to.

I tried to think of something about my husband I would really, really dislike him doing to himself to the point where it would turn me off. And then if I told him that, and he went ahead and did it anyway how would I feel? I would feel that my opinion as his partner wasn't valued, and he really didn't care what I thought or if I was attracted to him anymore.

This is where I think the OP is coming from. I do understand. It's not about tattoo's. It's about compromise in a relationship. Yes everyone owns their own body, but I personally take into consideration what my husband likes and doesn't like, and vice versa. Do I reflect on him? Absolutely. We're a team. I would override my desire for something I wanted done if it was something he really, really didn't like. I would make that choice for him as his wife to show my love and respect to him as my husband, who supports, loves and provides for us. There are different scenario's if he was constantly being unreasonable or controlling, or it was a burning desire I'd had for 25 years. But in this case, I don't think it's any of those things.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

That goes both ways tho. Even if my H wanted to do something...and ya, I can't imagine what either... that I really really don't like.... I still have to think, it's his body. He sure is going to look stupid, but that's on him.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

alone_not_lonely said:


> Well, that's a pretty crappy way to look at things. In my experience, opinions like that are usually held by small minded town gossips. So I genuinely hope that the above statement can't truly be what you believe, CantePe? Or are you just stating a generalization? While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, to judge a person's partner for their actions is ridiculous. That would be like blaming the betrayed party for their spouse's cheating. I only ask for clarification for you point of view, not to attack you.


It wasn't me who said that...I have 6 tattoos... I quoted the person who said that. lol


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

CantePe said:


> It wasn't me who said that...I have 6 tattoos... I quoted the person who said that. lol


Lol oh my god! Sorry CantePe! I thought it was an odd thing to come from you! ...That would be why! Will have to re-read and redirect the question!


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Yes... upon actually reading (lol I'm either going blind or senile), please readdress my question to KanDo...


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

No worries, it actually made me giggle because it's the last judgement I'd ever make. It would be like the pot calling the kettle a different shade of paisley from it.

Not a problem, I figured it was just a misunderstanding.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

CantePe said:


> I think another poster (sorry didn't catch the user name) is correct. Tattoos are so common place now a days that even the corporate world have come to accept them. The minority is seems are the ones who dislike them these days.


I attended a lunch-n-learn seminar last week where a corporate speaker cited recent surveys that show that 3/4 of corporations still have rules prohibiting tattoos in visible places, within certain job roles where people meet suppliers/customers, and it is nearly a universal prohibition in higher paying positions. Notable exceptions are software firms, or more modern, less traditional companies. In my company, where there are about 125,000 employees overall, you just can't exceed a certain salary grade (about $90,000/year) with visible body art, other than earrings. The lighthearted comment in the session was that if you see visible body art, you can guess the person's salary cap. 

My opinion, however, is that I cannot really see how this should be such a wedge issue in a marriage, or how either of them would allow it to be.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> A beard or shaved head is not permanent.
> 
> Lost hair to cancer or lost limb due to an accident is just completely different. Are you being serious even making that comparison?
> 
> ...


But the OP's wife wasn't a tattoo virgin as she already had a tattoo when they met. He already knew her feelings on tattoos and chose to accept that about her. So what is the problem now? You may not like tattoos. I may not like tattoos. But the OP's wife obviously does and he already knew that.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

stritle said:


> oilpatch doesn't count with that lol.
> you would exclude 3/4 of the work force as most of the office staff was once field based at some point.
> i don't even think i've shared a meeting room with anyone not well into 6 figures and i'm not the only one with ink that shows.
> that said, we're only around 6000 employees and our dress code isn't too stringent unless meeting with investors or on the exec team.


I agree. Corporate america is dramatically changing in recent years. I work in Tier 1 manufacturing, which where most leadership jobs require engineering backgrounds, and the culture tends to be more old fashioned. The industry is rapidly moving away from this country. Unfortunately, approximately nearly half of new technical employees were not born in this country, coming from places where body art isn't common in office environments. 

While I don't see a problem with body art, I just wouldn't want to leave the impression that it is "very common" in all segments of the corporate world. That was just the point of the lunch-n-learn session I attended recently, which was just a rehash of our dress code. 

Again, its not directly relevant to the thread. I would wonder if the OPs wife found significant meaning in her tattoo, and can't imagine not wanting to respect that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I hired one guy who dressed really nice all of the time. Better than the rest. It came to no surprise to me later when I was told the reason he did was to cover his tats. I would have not been allowed to hire someone with visble tats without limiting my own career. Him dressing nice was the right thing to do.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Exactly. If he hated tattoos so much that he couldn't even stand the sight of them, he wouldn't have married her seeing as she already had one on her bum...
> 
> I think this is about the lack of intimacy...JMO, I have been wrong many times before though.


I can see someone who is not a tattoo person who marries someone who has one tat and expect that to be it. BUT, it is very common for someone who likes tats to always be thinking of their next one. Tattoos have exploded for good or bad. 

I could see this causing serious problems in a marriage because it is about more than a tattoo in his case.

This is religion.

I think there are bigger issue in their marriage and this is a symptom.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> I love my tattoos...but they are for me and each one has special meaning to me. I get them, with the exception of the one on my ankle, where they can't be seen for that very reason. I have my sisters' name with some symbolism that, to me, represents her life. I have my sons name because he was my life at that point in time. The only one I have that I dislike and have thought about removing is the one on my ankle because A. You can see it, and B. I got it because I wanted to rebel and get a tattoo.
> 
> I want a really large one on my back, but my H doesn't like large tattoos on women, so I won't get it. If I do end up getting it though, I know he wouldn't contemplate ending the marriage or tell me that he found me less attractive. He would just say that he really didn’t like it and that would be the end of it.
> 
> I just can't ever imagine leaving your spouse over a tattoo, but that is just me.


Either my wife or I doing something against the wishes of the other would be a serious issue. We go with the Policy Of Joint Agreement. So it would be a real indicator of bigger issues.

Something like a tattoo would be discussed and agreed to one way or another. In fact I am sure if either of us did such a thing we would be there during the tattooing.

I see going against something agreed upon is a level of unfaithfulness.

IF I married a woman with tattoos we would have figured this out long ago.

I guess something similar might be if someone wanted plastic surgery. If a woman wanted breast implants. All I can say is that is nice if a couple can work these out and not just defy the other. I know myself and I know that if my wife really wanted a tattoo we could probably work it out. Not a fan of the lower back tattoo. Also not a fan of a tattoo that is hidden by a bikini. Anything that screamed party girl would be a non starter. So no tats like the girls at Twin Peaks rock.

Check this link out: http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/unfairpark/2012/04/heres_the_tattoo_that_got_a_mo.php#more

This happened recently in my local area. I think this probably looked great on the fuselage of a B-17 in WWII but probably not something I would be proud of displayed on my wife.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I think we are in agreement that the OP and his wife are really not communicating well otherwise this issue would have been brought up before the ink was dry. Still I don't see it as a reason to get divorced.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

I don't think the OP is comin' back.

We either gave him something to chew on and think about, or he didn't like some of the responses


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Halien said:


> I attended a lunch-n-learn seminar last week where a corporate speaker cited recent surveys that show that 3/4 of corporations still have rules prohibiting tattoos in visible places, within certain job roles where people meet suppliers/customers, and it is nearly a universal prohibition in higher paying positions. Notable exceptions are software firms, or more modern, less traditional companies. In my company, where there are about 125,000 employees overall, you just can't exceed a certain salary grade (about $90,000/year) with visible body art, other than earrings. The lighthearted comment in the session was that if you see visible body art, you can guess the person's salary cap.
> 
> My opinion, however, is that I cannot really see how this should be such a wedge issue in a marriage, or how either of them would allow it to be.


That's funny! For me, I make 1/2 of what hubs makes. And he's covered...but he covers them for work


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