# Thinking..



## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

I know I am silly for considering a divorce,
but my mental health is at stake.. 

My MIL and BIL live with us and I am sick of BIL. He does not do anything, he eats, sleeps, plays video games, watches tv all day. MIL is paying us nearly half of the mortgage and paying for him too. MIL is about 60 years old and still working (low income I think).

There are times when my hatred over BIL gets the best of me (I have anxiety disorder), sometimes I am thinking of hurting myself, committing suicide or leave. 

I've told my husband to talk to BIL about doing something. I would hate BIL lives with us until we're getting older. 

Husband said he will do this and that towards BIL to get him out of the house (when we're older or when MIL is dead). I told him I'd give him a limit or I'd leave. I haven't set a limit yet.

But even now I am telling my husband to get BIL to do something, BIL still hasn't done anything. 

I am not very good at explaining things, I have a headache. Thanks..

I am just thinking of leaving now.. than wait and be more miserable and still end up in a divorce (if I don't end up dead from suicide first).


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Unless you believe in reincarnation, you have to believe this is your only time to live. You deserve to be happy. Don't let circumstances control you. You must control your circumstances.

If getting away is the answer....do it. As for suicide, It's been an option for many years and I have tried a couple of times. Yep, still here.


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

I am also pregnant.. a month or so..


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

How old is BIL? How long has he and MIL lived in the home? Did you buy the home with MIL's contribution in mind? Was there any discussion prior to them moving in about what everyone expects from one another? 

Have you thought about giving BIL a list of his daily/weekly contributions to the communal home? If he's not bringing in money, he needs to accomplish something to keep the home running smoothly every single day.

I'm one of those women who go a little crazy during the first trimester. I'm completely back to normal by the second. I had mental break downs during first trimester with all 3 kids. Dont make any decisions right now. Talk with you OB/GYN about your mood swings. Dealing with this BIL situation would make anyone frustrated, but mood swings would cause frustration to morph into hopelessness...and it sounds like that's what's happening to you.

Lay it out so your husband understands exactly what kind of support you need. You have to be as specific as possible. If you expect husband to deal with his brother, what specific result will meet your expectations? You can't say, I want him to get a job. But you can say, I want to see his resume completed in 7 days. I expect to see that he has applied for 5 jobs each week. Until he is working, I expect him to vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, and other seasonal chores as needed.

If BIL is sitting in his room, there's not much you can do about that except to remind him on Friday he needs to furnish the completed applications for the week.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Don't let MIL off the hook. If she's paying for her and BIL then his bill is paid so to speak and it's likely a package deal. You have them both and her part of the morgage payment or you have neither and she doesn't help with that.

In other words consider BIL a nasty part of MIL's personality. If you can't deal with her and him both then you and your husband have to figure out something else. She won't stay while BIL is kicked out if it's the dynamic I picture. He's her monster and will be until she can't take care of him. Then he's his own monster. But make no mistake; she created him and she's still doing it.


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

I asked my husband to ask his mom and brother to move out..


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Why is MIL and BIL living with you and your husband? Did the economy get the best of your MIL and she's desperate? Is BIL in his 20s, teens or is he a mental disorder?


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

I felt sorry for MIL. She was paying twice what she's paying rent to my husband right now. And BIL didn't help, stayed at home all day watch tv and play vidgames. I just thought it'd be nice to help her.

BIL is 26. Not sure about mental disorder. He used to do great at school, even tutored some kids from his class or something.


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