# advice please, wife is not "in love" with me any more



## JohnnyA (Feb 25, 2013)

My wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 13 have 4 children, my wife just recently told me she was 'Not In Love' with me anymore, but she still does love me.

She said she does not feel that we can work things out, but is happy to 'live' together for the kids.

She has stated that there is no one's else, I do trust her that there is not, she has just got a great new job that she loves, a new car and stared hanging out with new friends.

Is this a mid life crisis or something else?

Any advice would be great?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You have to find who she's "in love" with.

Check her call/text records and see if you see any number you don't recognize.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

JohnnyA said:


> My wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 13 have 4 children, my wife just recently told me she was 'Not In Love' with me anymore, but she still does love me.
> 
> She said she does not feel that we can work things out, but is happy to 'live' together for the kids.
> 
> ...


Do not trust her. There is likely someone else. She may not even realize it. Start investigating now. EAs can look very innocent and often the people involved do not even realize it.

You must rule this out. You cannot work on a marriage if there is another person.

You can still go down a paralell path.

With walk away wife syndrome a wife may indeed complain to a husband for years. Eventually she stops complaining. She is done. Thsu husband assume everything is now great. Go figure.

But also I suggest to read married man sex life and you guys do His Needs her Needs together.

But you also need to provide some additional background on your marriage. Does she work? Has then been infidelity in the marriage before? How many hourd a week do you guys spend one one one together? What does she do for GNOs? Does she have any male friends?
Does she travel without you and so on.


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## JohnnyA (Feb 25, 2013)

Yes, she works full time shift work, if we are not working we are together, she has gay male friends the males are friends of mine aswell.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

JohnnyA said:


> Yes, she works full time shift work, if we are not working we are together, she has gay male friends the males are friends of mine aswell.


The gay card has little value here. But she does not hangout with anyone else. Just you. Only you. No female friends. No marriage friendly GNOs. No hanging out with the gay dudes?

Does she Facebook? Does she text? Who does she work with?

Who are the new friends? In the original post you said she is hanging out with them. What do they do? Where do they go?

Do you go out on dates?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

JohnnyA said:


> She has stated that there is no one's else, I do trust her that there is not, she has just got a great new job that she loves, a new car and stared hanging out with new friends.


New friends, new job, new stuff, new MEN, gotta get this husband albatross from around her neck.

She's got a new romantic interest.

Don't be a fool, the entire situation is screaming affair.

Start checking up on her cell and computer use.

Velcro a VAR under her car seat.

She's cheating or thinking about it.


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## JohnnyA (Feb 25, 2013)

She has a close friend, they worked together, the only time out is together with friends, and then it is very rare that we might go to club, most times its to a freinds place for bbq. 

I have check facebook and texts and computer, nothing different there, the new frineds are only ones at work no males all female staff, they might have lunch during work hours but thats it

We try to go out on a date at least once a fourtnight, either to dinner or movies.


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## JohnnyA (Feb 25, 2013)

This is why I asked is it a mind life crisis?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Once a fortnight is not very often. Finances can get in the way fo course. But a weekly date night is not bad if you can do it. Even if it is at home.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I would be on the lookout for another person, do not let your guard down. Women can be very good at concealing this. My situation was similar to yours....new gal and gay friends. I did my spying, even hired a private detective but could not find the OM. There wasn't one from all what I could determine. She left anyway.

She isn't asking to leave so this means you have time to work on yourself and make her fall in love with you again. Married Man Sex Life provides the best ideas. You make gradual changes and before you know it, she is in love again. But always always keep a close watch and make sure another man doesn't get into the picture.

And I'd be careful about the gay friends who can be worst than her female friends. As my wife and I were trying to see if we could make things work out, her close gay friend told me not to bother because she told him she wasn't in love with me. Was it true? Maybe it was maybe it wasn't. I know though that the gay guy was envious of her hanging out with me instead of their group.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I guess it all worked out.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess it all worked out.


Afterall he "trusts" her. No doubt the OM(s) are being introduced to him, at his house, as new friends of the Mrs as we speak right now.


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## souless (Mar 1, 2013)

I don't understand why there always has to be "someone else" under these scenarios. I'm considering having this talk with my wife as well (no longer in love with her). I promise you, I am not having an affair... though I would consider one- I crave romance and passion again. 

Maybe OP's spouse is telling the truth. Maybe her feelings for him have changed, and there are no other motives 

I'm going in for counseling to see what is healthy. It bothers me that my lack of emotion will cause my life partner's heart to break, and my family to live in separation. But at this point I feel like my brain and my heart aren't speaking to each other.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

souless said:


> I don't understand why there always has to be "someone else" under these scenarios. I'm considering having this talk with my wife as well (no longer in love with her). I promise you, I am not having an affair... though I would consider one- I crave romance and passion again.
> 
> Maybe OP's spouse is telling the truth. Maybe her feelings for him have changed, and there are no other motives
> 
> I'm going in for counseling to see what is healthy. It bothers me that my lack of emotion will cause my life partner's heart to break, and my family to live in separation. But at this point I feel like my brain and my heart aren't speaking to each other.


Souless,

Many will say to look for another person being involved because this has played out to be the case in at least 90% of these type of situations

Do some reading in the Coping With Infidelity section and you'll see whay many suspect this


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## souless (Mar 1, 2013)

Hmm, I guess what I really don't understand is why it matters. Once you've lost the love for your spouse, the only natural next step is to replace that emptiness. Cheating is never justified, but is going through the formalities of first divorcing any less painful for the OP? 

Sure, If she had a physical affair in secret, you could argue she put her husband's sexual health at risk; but the fact is, she was already emotionally gone before any affair started. It's a painful reality regardless if there's someone else, or not.

Sometimes I think an affair would be good for me, just so that my spouse will hate me. Hate makes it easier to say goodbye to someone. 

God, this stuff is depressing


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