# unbelievable sadness



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

well...my husband finally said it....He wants a divorce and I need to accept that and not hope that we will get together. Boom. Talk about my knees turning to jello. We told our boys yesterday. Our 11 yr. old seem to take it fine. Our six year old was more upset. That sucked the life out of me. The feelings I have now are disbelief and such utter sadness. Well...my husband is going to get a place closer to his job this week and move out....I can only imagine what that is going to be like. Really could use advice...should the kids be there or not...etc. My original plan was to stay at the house as long as I could so the kids could finish school and then eventually move to the same city I work. But it seems as if the boys don't mind starting a new school. I told them I need to get money saved up so that I can find a place, and do all the things necessary in moving. His parents are helping him with getting his place next week. We are not fighting...it is just the saddest saddest feeling for the both of us. I never wanted this to happen. I love him with all my being. How can you love someone for so long and then get on with your life without them. I have to keep it together for my boys. That I know. I am hoping that time apart will help us and not hurt us. I know he still loves me...I hope that can be enough.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Wish I had all the answers, wish I could tell you everything right to do, but If I could, I wouldn't be in my situation in the first place...seems like the longer I go into our separation, I find fewer answers, just more questions...I do know that you can get stronger, I do know, even at that age, your kids can be the greatest support and provide the love you need...the pain doesn't really go away, it just becomes different...right now, rather than inhibiting me from functioning, it is driving me to become better...the pain is there, but it is more a motivation to make things right, rather a reminder of how wrong they are...I'm using the pain rather than it knocking me down (hope this makes sense)...

I also know that reading/posting here is also a great place to keep you from going crazier...


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

i have been reading the posts and some people are in a better situation than me and some people are in a worse situation than me. I do have alot to be thankful for. It just sucks because this isn't what I want. Unfortuanatly, I gave up my right to make this decision because I was the one that caused the problem. I would love to know if people who separate and live in 2 separate cities and homes...what is the chance for reconciliation. I would take my husband back if he wanted me in a second. Always. But I know that I can't hold onto that want. I know I have to get on with my life...the question is how? I want him to know that I would take him back if he ever decides he can get past this.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

My wife lives 20 miles away from us, so it really isn't that far...it's been 2 months separated for us, so really not that long either...

My wife knows I want her back, she could call now and I would be there in an instant to help her move back...and that's saying alot--it is cold and snowing out right now, but I'd go...

That is a lot of power to give one person over another, I feel so vulnerable to her right now...whenever she is here at home, I try to make everything perfect...it's too much power, she doesn't need to make things better because she already has me as a puppet...

I don't know how, but I've got to change that, let her know that I want her back, but there are conditions that she must meet...I have to get some power back!


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

I have told my husband that I want to go to counseling...that we both need to go..and maybe we can figure things out. Counseling is something that we have never done....it might help....it might not.....I want to change and show him I can change not only for me...but for him....our family....our marriage. But he doesnt' want to take the chance of me hurting/lying to him as I have done in the past. And he is over it...therefore this is why he wants a divorce. I don't know what to do.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It was definitely not a good time for your H to announce what he wanted. I can't provide any information about the chances of reconciliation when one spouse lives in a different city. I suppose there always is a chance, but it depends on a lot of things. From reading here, it seems like all the stars have to align for it to really work out. In any event, your question about whether to be there when he moves out is tough. I chose not to be there when H moved out. I knew he hadn't rented a truck or anything so I knew he wouldn't take a lot out of the house. If you're worried about what he may take, the option is for you to be there or to have a friend/relative be there, but I would not have the kids there to see that. Despite how they may have reacted to the announcement, it's traumatic for them to see dad packing up. I took my kids out that day with friends and tried to keep everyone's mind off what was happening. Then I had my mom sleep over that night to take the edge off. It's very hard when they move out, but you will make it through. It will get better.


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