# Recalcitrant EA Offending Wife



## twostrikes (Jul 21, 2011)

Caught wife's 4 month long distance EA that went PA in May and confronted. Got no contact promise. There has been no physical contact, though there were a few innocuous fb messages (he was blocked then unblocked then blocked). I expected this from the EA pattern I have read about here. I believe the original single om got what he wanted: an easy lay by playing the "your husband doesn't treat you right, I would treat you like a Queen, I am here for you" shtick. Don't think he is interested in the other baggage.

Following her remorse and what appeared to be good no contact, things seemed great. Better communication, intimacy, etc. We took an additional family vacation (with our kids) and we have been lucky that I have not had to travel.

Well the first time I leave for three days, I find that she has had at least one facebook im sex chat (with a married man way out of state). This chat followed the usual EA script: Lots of compliments, he'd be there to listen, (no direct statements of how I wasn't treating her right, but it was implied). Oddly, she stated she loved her H (me), but that she likes sex a lot (having sex or masturbating daily). I am paraphrasing, but the gist is, putting aside the quality or lack of quality of marital sex, she needs to do something when I am not there. This conversation is horrendous on so many levels, but it struck me how openly she shared information with a stranger and blew my mind that she was using her real name--I assure you I would not approve if it had been an alias, it just goes to the recklessness. She also stated she has done video with someone else in the past. Bottom line, she escalated a FB friend from flirt to full on sexting status in the first two nights I was out of town, and from what I can tell, she was the initiator. It gets worse.

Then she has a short chat with another guy in a distant country (who does visit the area every once in a while), with a discussion about when they would stop talking and do something about it (i.e. consummate this EA). I could not find any evidence of any plans, and based on the timing, I am 99% sure they could not pull this off (for scheduling reasons I will leave out as they would be too specific).

As I am seeing this stuff, my head was going to explode, especially because she had just tucked the kids in to go to a party in the hometown of the second EA OM. Earlier, she had asked if I wanted to go with our family to this party, so unless she was really good at bluffing, and it is possible, I think OM II was overseas--well strike that--if I were reading this post, I would say he probably was there. Armed with all this stuff, I called and at first got vm and left some choice words. I told her to listen to the vm, then she called back and I told her that she has a major problem and she should just find somewhere else to stay. She insisted on coming straight back, and I am not going to get into a physical situation, so I told her she can take a pillow and sleep somewhere else. I have no plans to have he back in the bedroom and I am not engaging her except for raising our children. When I left for work this am, she obviously was hoping I would give her a hug and say I love you, but that is not going to happen.

I am pretty upset that she channeled the NC rule by ramping up EAs where both of the om would jump at the opportunity to ramp this up to PA (assuming the second one did not go PA in the one hour she was out of our house a few days ago). In any event, I think my plan is pretty crummy. All I have is disengagement until she wants to talk. Basically, all I can do then is make her give up all devices, but she would find a way around it. But what is most troublesome is that she abused my foregiveness and has destroyed the effort to rebuild trust. As an aside, earlier in the day, she said she wanted to go to counseling, which I think was guilt. She has her own counselor and there is depression involved. Not really looking for anything at this point. Writing this down helps me think about it, and I see that if I were reading this, I would tell someone to just give up and leave notwithstanding three young children. Have to run, but maybe I will frame a more direct request for advice later. Thanks for listening.






I travel a lot, so I understand the loneliness--somehow people think the traveling spouse doesn't get lonely.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Well, after the D Day in July, you are to the fish or cut bait point. If you allow this to go on, you will be walked on forever. If you simply confront again, she knows you did it before, now caught her and are confronting again. You have to decide to stay and take it or 180 and give her consequences for her actions.

Q~


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

She's a serial cheater and an unabashed one at that, how much more can you take?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. It now seems quite obvious she feels that you will never separate from her and will forgive her time and again.
She may love you so she says but clearly has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? By the way I hope you both got tested for STD's from her last affair. What is wrong with this picture?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

bryanp said:


> Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. It now seems quite obvious she feels that you will never separate from her and will forgive her time and again.
> She may love you so she says but clearly has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? By the way I hope you both got tested for STD's from her last affair. What is wrong with this picture?


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## twostrikes (Jul 21, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twostrikes (Jul 21, 2011)

Well, this might be the fastest thread, but I am filing tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twostrikes (Jul 21, 2011)

BTW, got the full array and clean. That was a relief, subject to confirmation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

twostrikes said:


> Well, this might be the fastest thread, but I am filing tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes, sounds right.

Do it for yourself.


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## useable (Aug 31, 2011)

the real solution after affair ... filing for divorce. good luck


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