# Nightmares, PTSD, Clingy STBXH...



## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

My story resides somewhere on this site. It's incomplete but that's okay. I never thought I was strong enough to move on, but I am making the necessary changes. I'm looking for work and working on a place to stay, getting out by myself and building a network of support.

I am ready to go NOW. I think because it was such a long time coming, that when I finally came to terms with divorce, it didn't take long for me to completely emotionally detach.

My STBXH, on the other hand, is having a hard time. It's not that he doesn't want this D, because he says he does. It's that our marriage failing means a big failure for him, when he has had a life full of failures mainly because of his ADHD.

Now he is having nightmares and he thinks he may have PTSD, which, I am sure you understand, leaves me feeling guilty and wondering if he is just cooperating to make me happy. 

But he won't see a doctor, and he has been telling me he thinks it will get worse when he has to sleep alone, which makes me wonder if he is trying to manipulate the situation. We have no choice right now but to stay in the same room, at least until we tell the kids next week (though he has also said he wants to try and stay in the same room even after that because he wants to be able to sleep alone or with me, not in one of the rooms with the kids [the couch is already in use and he is "looking" for a place to room, and yes, I am prepared to sleep in the kids' room]). 

It is miserable for me right now because he is clingy all night, though he respects my boundaries (as far as keeping it nonsexual) and is getting better, and he is having trouble sleeping. I find him snuggling with me every time I roll over. I had thought maybe it would help us both to heal but now I'm wondering if allowing the snuggling after the decision was made has only made it more difficult for him.

And his latest dream: He said he got up from bed to let the dog out of the room and I wasn't there. As he closed the door and turned to get back in bed, a demon was in it and said "I've been waiting for you" in a creepy voice.

His other dream was him going insane.

I don't really have a question, I guess I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like he's losing it. Does he have family that you can get to help him?


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## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

That is my fear EleGirl, although at the same time, I know he thinks the idea of having something wrong with him is exciting. 

He has his parents, who have supported, many people would say enabled, him all these years (though I am guilty of that too I believe). He has one sister, and their relationship is strained. We're also concerned about his mom, she is going to take this very hard and she is already pretty frail. Two of our kids are adults as well, and so they can encourage him to get help.
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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Is he on meds of any kind, ie- for ADHD? Why does he think he has PTSD? Surely not because of the divorce? 

He needs medical help. I would let everyone around him know of your concerns. Hopefully a combined effort will get him to a doctor.


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## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

He has absolutely no desire to take any meds for the ADHD or anything mental. He assures me he is okay, that he is just weaning himself off of the physical benefits of marriage. I will express my concern to his parents and his friends when the time comes.
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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

My own STBXW was in mental health for a couple years...and had countless calls of men losing it or going suicidal upon the news of wives pulling the plug...as this seems to be a very common scenario. I am a total dream person...and the theme of both dreams suggest there may be a time where your husband may struggling with coping through this. I can understand a little as when my wife was having an affair...I suffered with generalized anxiety and had some physical symptoms of shaking...but everyone has varying coping ability...and I have a pretty strong mental constitution and had support while being spared of nightmares or life dysfunction.

While it is not your job to care-take him or do his emotional work...it may help to have some options and phone numbers available to make a call if it seems that he is becoming a danger to himself or to you. Law usually dictates that he has to check himself in to mental health services...unless a designated mental health professional finds that he meets state qualifications for involuntary commitment. But there are lots of people who need mental health who aren't...but, again, they can only take them involuntarily if it fits exact criteria...proof that they lost control of their mental faculties and are a danger to self/others. It can't hurt to look up policy in your state and even meet with a professional about your options.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I do not want to sound cruel but I would pester him until he goes to the doctor and let his family know they need to get involved because it is not your job to take care of hime anymore.

Pick a date when you are going to leave, let his family and him know and then leave on that date.

You need to move on and his guilt is just that, his guilt.

Good luck


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## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

He did say he would go if he has any more nightmares. He seems better these past couple of days. I just think that for him, the physical touch was such a huge comfort, that the realization that he was going to have to learn to live without it just hit home pretty hard. That and the fact that I am still right there makes for some difficult nights. I'll keep after him to see a dr if he keeps having nightmares though.
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## me2pointoh (Jan 31, 2012)

Stretch said:


> I do not want to sound cruel but I would pester him until he goes to the doctor and let his family know they need to get involved because it is not your job to take care of hime anymore.
> 
> Pick a date when you are going to leave, let his family and him know and then leave on that date.
> 
> ...


Stretch, I am hard at work trying to find a job but I do have a place to stay July 1 (if it is finished in time). My friend has a house that she owns free and clear, and she is doing some renovating. She can't live there because she works as a manager of a mobile home park and must live on site. I am very grateful that some things seem to be falling into place but will be so relieved when it actually happens!
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