# Don't know what to do



## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

My husband raided his retirement account. I never wanted him to do this. I didn't find out till just the other day. He took out $5,000 dollars.
My work has been slow the last couple of months, and my bosses promised it would get better. I have worked only a couple days out of the week the last couple of months.
This means we are way behind in our utility bills. Gas, combined utilities(water,sewer,garbage) and electric.
We are on the verge of having our water and gas shut off. He took out $5,000 but will not help. All he would have to do is pay half of the combined utilities to keep them from shutting off our water, and half of the gas. But he refuses to do it.
We have been in this situation before. We went for a whole month in the middle of winter with no water because we were unable to pay the bill. Do you know what its like to bucket water from the neighbors next door, and then heat it up on a propane stove to take a bath, wash the dishes, etc?.
The fact he took out $5,000 doesn't help our quest to find help through charity's. I'm not going to lie to them about the money he took out.
My husband doesn't work at all. He is 63 years old, tried to get jobs, but suspected he wasn't hired because of his age.
I have been trying to hold us up financially for years. 
He wants to wait till he is 67 to get his full social security. If he takes it now, he will get $1,109.00. With his National Guard retirement, that would make his income $1,509.00 a month.
Sorry this is so long, I just can't take it any more. Thanks for reading this.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I am very sorry this is happening. Perhaps you can talk to him in a non-accusatory way and discuss what needs to be done to improve the situation. Perhaps if motivated he could try a little harder to get a job and you can realize if he does make a number of calls, you thank and tell him you appreciate the effort regardless of whether it is successful.


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

For 6 years I have been patient in regards to him finding work. Always supportive in his efforts. But my patients is waning.
My point to was he has $5,000 dollars!. He doesn't have to pay the whole water bill. Just paying half of it would keep our water on. 
I asked him since our water is going to be turned off, does he have a back up plan?. He said no, and in a snotty tone asked if I had one. This is what I'm dealing with. He has a my money your money attitude. It's not OUR money. He would rather wait till I can pay the fee, which will be the whole amount to have the water turned back on, than pay half and keep our water on. 
I'm sorry, is that not totally stupid or what?.
So, in ten business days, we will have no water for at least 1-2 months, until my work volume picks up.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

What is he doing with the $5,000 he views as HIS money?

Why does he believe it's YOUR responsibility solely to pay the utilities?


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

I'm almost afraid to ask fearing an argument. But the question does have to be asked. I'll need to straighten up that backbone.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

What if..... the water gets shut off and you find a friend to stay with until HE gets it turned back on. Make it his problem, if you can find a friend to put you up. You could announce it first, so it's not all passive/aggressive. Just tell him "if the water gets cut off, I'm not staying here." If he argues it, don't respond or just tell him "I'll figure out what I need to do, but you should be helping and you're not. This one is on you."


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

What the hell is he doing with the money? If you are working, then there is only food for you unless he pays the bills, but not half of it in FULL! There will be nothing for him, because this is all YOUR money and he does not do a thing right?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

so sorry you find yourself with a person who is selfish,careless, and irresponcible with money. how is the rest of your relationship?

do you have kids? 

I think if I were you I would cut my losses and start an exit plan.


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

No, we don't have children. I misunderstood my husband. What he meant was, the over 1,900 is what is left of the 5,000 dollars he took out of his retirement account a while back. He has been using it for supplementing our food budget, making the truck payment and insurance on it. I thought he had taken out another $5,000 dollars.
But, it did work. I said to him, when the water gets shut off, I don't know what you are going to do. You won't be able to take a bath, or do the dishes, or do laundry. I do know what I'm going to do. I'm packing up the dog, and leaving. I'm not going to be in a house with no water. He gave up the $375.00 to keep the water on. Thanks for the suggestion. : )
My husband probably figured that since I'm the one working, I should be the one paying the bills, which is what I was doing. He didn't used to be like this. He used to help with the bills. I think that being out of work for as long as he has, has made him a little depressed.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

Good that things cleared up a bit. Your husband should communicate a bit more clearly or you should ask more.
Try to save on water and electricity. If your husband is out of work and hopefully handy he could build a huge tank for the rain water and he could insulate the hot water unit... there are a lit of things to be done to save,and your hubby would feel better about his unemployment.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what is he doing to occupy his time? He should be doing constructive things while he is out of work. Maybe (hopefully) he is.

believe, me, i know about struggling. Things are still very crappy out there.
sometimes i get the impression from this forum that everything's peachy keen. I think it's more that people on this forum are not representative of the cross section of workers out there (financially that is) I went from average 70k year to under half that. for the last 6 years

in california that really sucks!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If he can't find work, he should at least be volunteering. Or working at Lowes or Home Depot. They hire older workers all the time.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

turnera said:


> If he can't find work, he should at least be volunteering. Or working at Lowes or Home Depot. They hire older workers all the time.


Yes


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

If he didn't retire, why us he out of work? Was he fired from his last job? Did he quit? If he was National Guard, they don't have any programs to help people find jobs? Why did he give up looking?

I mean, given his attitude it makes me wonder if his plan was to just ride it out til retirement with you paying all the bills for the next few years (or not paying them as the case may be.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phil Landers (Apr 26, 2014)

I am really concerned about this water situation. Did you try taping down the toilets so he would not use them.


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## Dredd (Apr 16, 2014)

Sounds like he needs a kick in the butt. If he doesn't want to contribute, I'd pay the bills yourself, and then not allow him to use the water, utilities, etc (if its possible for you to get that kind of money). He needs to wake up and realize that life is happening.


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