# Do I deserve it? Please help



## Simplydeep (Mar 10, 2012)

I have known him for 8 years,and been with him for 2 years. Our baby is only a couple months old.
He was always a little disrespectful. But when I got pregnant that when things became more verbal and physical. Im a very small woman and he's really big compared to me. So yes I am scared of him. 
He didnt want me to have the baby and I went through hell in the beginning stages of my pregnancy. I 
understood he wasnt fanantially stable but I was and I think I had a right to choose against killing
something growing inside of me. He is now happy and love our son to death. But after I had him and a few times while I was pregnant he would disrespectfully text other women around me, I've even spoken to a few of them and they were women from dating sites out of our state so because of that I let it slide rather easily.until I spoke with a young woman who said they actually had sex. I didnt know what to believe. I forgave him because the girl could have been lying she was a little rude and upset that called her phone. All Im sure of is all of the disrespectful things he has said to me and about other womens bodies combined with the women off the dating sites and woman who said they slept together while I was pregnant. Have made me really insecure and I dont trust him at all and me not trusting him has made even more disrespectful and given him a reason as he say to put me down and call me *****es and hoes and punch me.. 


So I'm wondering because of my new found distrust and insecurity have I given him a valid reason to be even more verbally and physically abusive. Is it my fault is there something I can do to change this. Because he can be a gentlemen in public but a complete ass hole behind close doors and I dont even talk to him the way he does to me everyone knows Im soft spoken and my family fear me getting into a relationship where I will be taken advantage of. Did I mention Im his only source of income he has no job I have givencountless amountof money since we been together stating out with 600. Why treat the one who helping you eat keeping clothes on your back bills paid cable bill paid everything with total disrespect

I have his back Im always there loving him and trying to see the best but did I ruin my own relationship. Is there a way to fix it?
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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't see how you ruined your relationship? He cheated on you repeatedly, which resulted in you losing trust, and now verbally abuses you. He's not a man, he's a reptile. Pack his crap up and send him on his way.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Simplydeep said:


> I have known him for 8 years,and been with him for 2 years. Our baby is only a couple months old.
> He was always a little disrespectful. But when I got pregnant that when things became more verbal and physical. Im a very small woman and he's really big compared to me. So yes I am scared of him.
> He didnt want me to have the baby and I went through hell in the beginning stages of my pregnancy. I
> understood he wasnt fanantially stable but I was and I think I had a right to choose against killing
> ...


Dear, it is never your fault if your husband becomes abusive in any way!! It doesn't matter what you say or do that angers him, he chooses to handle his anger and insecurities in a destructive and abusive way. No matter what you say or do, it will not change him or make him stop. This is on him, not you.

If I were you, I would leave. It will only get worse for you... And for your child's sake, it best if you leave.


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## Simplydeep (Mar 10, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

It breaks my heart that you feel it is your fault that he abuses you. It is not at all your fault, it is his. You need to get out of there for yourself and the safety of your baby. You owe it to yourself and your child. Please seek professional help so you can get out safely.


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## lifesabeach (Feb 25, 2012)

In cases where the abuse is physical don't walk, but RUN away. Do anything you need to to protect yourself and the baby. It is NOT your fault that he is abusive. Look into IC for yourself to help you cope also. 

Good luck to you. Hope everything turns out for the best.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He punches you--LEAVE
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree with everyone else here. It's time to go. Be safe.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Excuse my French, but this man is a mutherfVcking d!ck who needs to have his ass beaten so bad that he can't walk for a month. There is NO EXCUSE for a man to hit a woman. You are NOT his property, but I don't think he knows that. 

Maybe you are afraid to raise this baby alone, but in reality, you already are. You hold the cards and he is a loser with no job. Get out while your child is still young. I know you are scared, who wouldn't be? But an abusive man is an abusive man and you wouldn't want him to hurt your child would you? If you don't care about yourself, please care about your child. 

It makes me so sad and angry that there are so many women out there in this situation and they feel trapped, lonely, and scared. My prayers are with you my friend and even though I do not know you, I am still very concerned for your safety AND sanity.

::hugs::


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Get out! It is not healthy to have anyone abuse you in any way shape of form.

Do you want your son to grow up and do the same to woman.. 

I know it is easier said then done, I have been there.

It is never your fault, so you ever think that.. No one should ever lay a hand on you, for any reason.. People don't hurt the ones they love.

You will be fine taking care of your son alone.. I know it is freaky, If i can raise a child at 15 alone, then so can you


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## Simplydeep (Mar 10, 2012)

ladybird said:


> Get out! It is not healthy to have anyone abuse you in any way shape of form.
> 
> Do you want your son to grow up and do the same to woman..
> 
> ...



Thank you all for your kind words I havent told you all the real dark things.
And your advice is to leave based off the stuff that I looked at as minor.
I never thought that I would be the woman who walks on egg shells who 
tolerates being called *****es every second of the day. I never thought I would
Be so scared of a person to the point Im not able to stand up for my self.
Hes made me insecure of looks and of myself as a woman.. I feel so weak.
Its embarrassing to not be able to stand up for yourself as a mother/woman.
I have considered counciling for abusive relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

No, you do not deserve to be abused. 

Your husband has cheated on you and treated you badly, I think you should leave.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

lifesabeach said:


> In cases where the abuse is physical don't walk, but RUN away. Do anything you need to to protect yourself and the baby. It is NOT your fault that he is abusive. Look into IC for yourself to help you cope also.





Jellybeans said:


> He punches you--LEAVE


I have no idea what those mean. There IS NO acceptable abuse and none any less than another.

*Verbal Abuse*........
-- when I got pregnant that when things became more verbal and physical

-- put me down and call me *****es and hoes 

-- I dont even talk to him the way he does to me

*Physical Abuse*........
-- when I got pregnant that when things became more verbal and physical

-- physically abusive

-- and punch me 

*Emotional Abuse*........
-- He was always a little disrespectful

-- all of the disrespectful things he has said to me and about other womens bodies combined with the women off the dating sites and woman who said they slept together while I was pregnant

--he can be a gentlemen in public but a complete ass hole behind close doors

-- he would disrespectfully text other women around me

*Psychological Abuse*........
-- given him a reason as he say

-- given him a valid reason to be even more verbally and physically abusive

-- did I ruin my own relationship

All of it is abuse, and a woman should walk away from enduring any one of them.



Simplydeep said:


> Is there a way to fix it?


No, Simplydeep, there is no fixing it. There is no fixing your relationship, and there is no fixing him that anyone can tell you to do. You are supposed to think enough of yourself to never to tolerate this kind of treatment. I know you are saying to yourself, "But I love him." But I will say again, you are supposed to think enough of yourself to never tolerate this kind of treatment. Love has nothing to do with this. 

What this is all about is the fact that you do not listen. You sound quite young (under 25 I'm thinking), and people at that age think they know everything. I know what I am talking about because I have been your age......a long time ago, and I know what it was like. 

*You are not listening to your family.* You wrote that they fear someone will take advantage of you, but you allow this piece of sh*t guy take advantage of you every single day. You live your life feeling they don't know anything and you know everything. Do they know how right they are? Do you realize how wrong you are? Then why do you refuse to listen to them? They are trying to look out for your well being, but you know better than they do, don't you? They are trying to teach you how to handle yourself in a relationship and how to live your life by certain standards, but you know better than they do, don't you? You know better than they know WHILE you are doing what they teach you not to do. And, not only do you allow him to take advantage of you and use you, but you also allow him to mistreat you and abuse you in the worst possible ways.

*You are not listening to yourself.* Have you read what you posted here? Do you not realize how terrible it is? Do you really think this is any kind of life to be living? What you have is a piece of sh*t guy that no woman on this earth should want, so why do you want him? Why do you not want better for yourself? Now that you have a son, why do you not want better for him?

*And, I know you are not listening to us.* I know you're not going to do what everyone here is telling you to do. You don't listen to anyone else, so why would you listen to us? You don't want to leave him. That would be too hard, I guess. But, I cannot imagine life harder than the one you are living. I guess you know better than me, too.

If you were older, the first thing you would think is "I should have listened" because everyone has those kinds of regrets once they are older and wiser, and they remember the wisdom that everyone tried to share with them. Spare yourself anymore years of misery so you don't have to live with that kind of regret later on. Spare yourself anymore beatings. Spare yourself anymore heartbreak. Spare yourself anymore emotional stress. And, please spare yourself a whole bunch of money. Leave this abusive leach and find yourself a guy you can grow with, progress with, and build a life with. 

Do a google search for "abuse" or "abusive men" or any similar criteria, and you will find millions of websites that explain the kind of jerk you are with. You are not experiencing anything new. It just might be new to you, but his kind has been in existence since the dawn of mankind. Over the centuries, most women had no choice but to put up with men like him. You don't have to. You are gainfully employed and can take care of yourself and your child. There are institutions and agencies designed to help women get away from their abuser. Call 211 or call the Domestic Violence Hotline for them to direct you to help in your area. At least talk with an abuse counselor. You need someone to help you understand the abusive nature of this guy and help you understand what you are going through. I truly hope you will get out or at least get help. No one here can help you. You don't want to listen to us because we are telling you to do something you don't want to do, but an abuse counselor will help you understand yourself.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Please leave. He doesn't even deserve to be told you're leaving. Have a plan. When he walks out the door to do whatever, take your baby and whatever you can grab. Go to your family. Don't look back. Life is too short. Look forward to the wonderful life you will have with your child.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Simplydeep said:


> I havent told you all the real dark things.
> And your advice is to leave based off the stuff that I looked at as minor.


Oh geez, you mean it's even worse?!


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Simplydeep

God I feel terrible for your situation.You should never ever have to live your life in fear and always walking on eggshells.He should love you,hold you dear and respect you.Find a way to leave and don't look back.I'm a man and I F'n hate when men do this to the women in their lives.Situations like this have caused me to lose it with other men more than once in my life.Some don't have common human decency.Just take care of you and your little guy.There's a good man out there for you and don't ever doubt it.Saying a prayer for you.


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## Pinkheels (Mar 28, 2012)

He has no right to treat you that way. You did NOTHING wrong. You are the bread winner so it would be easy for you to find a place for you and your son. The abusive behavior I can relate. My H can get very heated sometimes, but I am the stay at home mom with no money and no job. So when It gets bad I feel stuck. You have no reason to feel stuck you are supporting him.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

What matters is what's inside and look inward then the outside


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