# Age and Sex



## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

My H frequently complains about the effect of age on sex drive. Says he wishes we'd been together when we were younger. We are in our 50's have sex most days sometimes twice a day. 
He says the 'driving need' is not as intense and he can distract himself from being horny, unlike when he was younger and he couldn't keep his mind off it.
It occurred to me that this is not an age issue for me...yet ( i haven't begun or gone through menopause).
I still feel the same intensity or drive as I did when young and when horny almost nothing will take my mind off it.
Im sorry he feels that way, he obviously notices a difference between then and now..

I wondered if other couples as they age and assuming reasonable health, find the intensity level for the man eases off with age and for the woman it stays the same as always?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Of course not.
Mostly women lose their sexual desire.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I'm in my mid fifties and yes there has been a dramatic drop in my sex drive over the last 10 years. We still have a healthy sex life but honestly it is nowhere near a daily need for me any more. When we do get together there is no measurable drop in intensity, performance or satisfaction. My wife has been in menopause for about 5 years now, coupled with a lot of stress and some self esteem issues so her drive has dwindled to about 0. This has been a LD/HD marriage for many years but we've learned over the past couple of years to better deal with it and keep us both happier. It is not ideal but it is workable for us both.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm OK without sex just as long as I'm fully clothed and if not, the wind isn't blowing.


----------



## MooseAndSquirrel (Jun 7, 2012)

I am also in my 50s. My ability hasn't diminished that much *knock on wood* but mentally, I just don't think about sex that much any more. My SO on the other hand has gone into overdrive since she went through menopause.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm 49, H is 55.... we have sex daily (and more during summer vacation), and he says something similar. His deal is he wishes he could cum more often during a single session as he did in his younger days. 

If you enjoy how often sex is happening, just keep the compliments going!


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I'm in my late fifties and like Amplexor said, when we get together there is no measurable drop in intensity, performance or satisfaction. 

But it does take me a few minutes to mentally shift gears now. I can't just instantly spring to attention (So to speak...) when my wife is in the mood. 

It doesn't take much. Maybe sharing a glass of wine with her sitting in my lap for a few minutes or something equally silly. 

It has definitely made me more empathetic to a woman's need to ease into the mood gradually.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Needs to have his testosterone checked. A mans test drops by 1 to 3% per year after 30. It can make a massive difference. 

I am pushing 53 and mine was nearly bottomed out, my drive was gone and I had many other symptoms quite akin to what a woman experiences during menopause. 

I am now on testosterone and can not get my mind off of it again.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Definitely different for men in their 50s. My guy is at peak, as far as I'm concerned, but he says much the same thing -- it's just not the same.


----------



## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

Thanks for the interesting replies and the humourous one 
I suppose I just feel sad that although performance and satisfaction for him is still intense, his awareness of being sexual has diminished. 
Maybe I'm afraid it will happen to me too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> We are in our 50's have sex most days sometimes twice a day.


That's a lot of sex. 

Don't worry about what you may or may not be missing or might miss or whatever; enjoy what you are having, which is lots of good sex.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Of course not.
> Mostly women lose their sexual desire.


Hicks, please stop making blanket generalizations about women when you are not one.

Many women experience a drastic INCREASE in their sexual drive in their 40s and beyond.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Like all issues of aging, you need to focus on what you do have, rather than bemoaning what you have lost.

Our frequency is every other day, and we find that we maintain intensity by skipping a day. Let the desire build a bit. You may discover that quality is preferable to quantity.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lamaga said:


> Many women experience a drastic INCREASE in their sexual drive in their 40s and beyond.


Yeah, I am one of them! 

This is the truth of the matter, hormonally speaking... MEN are in their Prime in their teens - early 20's ....Testosterone raging..they can't think straight.... this IS our LUST hormone...

I have read books on it -because I didn't know these things either -till I had a sex drive increase myself (women's PRIME is in their late 30's -early 40's generally -that is why they call them >> COUGARS)... then we hit menapouse and it all collapses (generally speaking not all- don't jump on me !).

I was near going out of my mind wanting him to "keep up"...when I hit 42 & he was 45. You are very blessed notsocool ..... 2 times a day for a man in his 50's !! I wouldn't even say that is all that common......but HIGHER drive. 

He is not going to be a candidate for TEST treatment with that going on, I can assure you of that. My husband wasn't "low enough" when I had him tested. 

Don't take this personal, men slowly calm the raging beast as they age...their test slowly decreases with every passing year... their estrogen levels even go up a little. It all makes perfect sense he is feeling the way he is saying. (Believe me, I want to spit on it too!)

Mine is now 48 and his limit is once a day unless I pump him with Viagra . I am upset I was less interested in the early years... I really feel God plays a cruel Joke on the sexes when it comes to our drives. 

Here is something I found on the net to explain this... 



> Balance the seesaw
> .
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> ...


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Hicks, please stop making blanket generalizations about women when you are not one.
> 
> Many women experience a drastic INCREASE in their sexual drive in their 40s and beyond.


Yes. For a man, it can be one of those, "Be careful what you wish for" things


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

SA, I just call that one of God's little jokes on humanity.

Or, as Robert Frost said, _Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me._


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

I'm 44...no drop in drive/performance at all. Sucks to be with a very LD wife.


----------



## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

Clearly there is a diversity of opinion and situations described on this thread. I am a 50+ male, married to woman of the same age for 26+ years. We are developing an increasing discrepancy in our drive (mine is significantly higher) as we age. I doubt it matters much to the HD spouse whether it is the man or the woman in someone else's marriage, their own situation is the frustration.

I suspect that it is more common for the woman to lose her drive as menopause approaches and then passes, but clearly that is not the case for every couple. I think the most critical advice (which I find easier to give then effectively implement) is for the husband and the wife to communicate, and make a sincere effort to understand the other's point of view, affirm it as legitimate, and try to reach some reasonable middle ground. I don't think it is helpful for the wife, in a situation like mine where the husband is HD, to act like the husband's desires are unreasonable and say that he should "accept his age" and stop trying to "recapture his youth." 

Open, safe, kind communication solves a lot of problems, but is aggravatingly difficult to accomplish.


----------



## GoodToBeMarried (Jun 28, 2012)

notsocool said:


> Thanks for the interesting replies and the humourous one
> I suppose I just feel sad that although performance and satisfaction for him is still intense, his awareness of being sexual has diminished.
> Maybe I'm afraid it will happen to me too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is quite an old post and I hope I can still answer to this question.

My wife and I agree that sex has to be nurtured to become a part of our life. We make it a point to share something sensual that we believe will lead us to sexual intercourse later.

Examples like (for her) choosing a tight fitting pants to flaunt her asset (yes, THE ASS-et ), direct me to look at another sexy woman when we went shopping, knowing I'll only see her nakedness, (for me) toughing her on areas she like being touched, kissing, etc.

Sometime we failed to have sex, but most of the time, we try to have it daily.

Yes, nurture your relationship with your husband. Nurture your intimacies. Talk it out. Make know and make pact to do something each day to stimulate each other. Your tools will become sensitive again through frequent use. :smthumbup:


----------



## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

I'm over 50 and have little drive, but never really had that much to begin with. Not only do 'they say' men lose 3% a year after 30, but also a 30% drop after children, and another drop if they're at home instead of an outside workforce... given the opportunity we'd have sex one a week... but twice a month is more of a reality - and I'm fine with that. It's just not that important anymore.


----------

