# Will my 7-month old daughter lose her bond with me?



## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Hi Everyone,

I posted my story in this area under "New mom....husband said he doesn't love me anymore". My question in this thread is if my daughter will lose her bond with me when I have to split her between my husband and myself. We haven't gotten to that point yet but my H wants a separation and he's looking for another place. So it's inevitable. I'm so scared that my daughter will lose her bond with me if she doesn't see me everyday. She's only 7 months old and obviously too young to talk on the phone so she can hear my voice. Will she forget me when she's with her dad? I'm scared to death. Help


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## smorgasbord (May 28, 2013)

are you the primary caretaker or do you and your H split the parenting fairly evenly?


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## Willowfin (Jan 2, 2012)

No!!! Ok I'm no professional expert but I have 4 kids! 

She is 7 months old and has spent all that time with you, she knows your scent, your smile, your voice. You bring her comfort when she's upset - please don't underestimate the power of that bond.

You will still be primary care giver - and dad will see her for a few hours a week presumably? I know it will be difficult to 'hand her over' when it's his turn - but a bond with both parents (when separated) is really the best gift in life you can give her.

I maintained a good relationship with my son's dad (we split when he was 7 months too - and I moved country but brought son back to visit dad once or twice a year - let him stay over etc) 
Son is now almost 20 and both live in the same country - his dad isn't very pushed about their relationship but my son recognises that I did everything I could to maintain the contact.

Son and I are very close - he's knows I'll always have his back. 

Keep loving your daughter and never put her in the middle and things will work out grand


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Smorg - Yes I have been the caretaker about 99% of the time. My husband has not spent more than probably 4-5hrs with her and half that time she is sleeping.

Willow - My H wants to have her for 24hrs at a time or maybe even 2 days at a time. I know deep down her and I have an unbreakable bond but I still get worried and scared. She's too young to talk to me on the so it's not like I can talk to her when she's with her dad. Does it get easier to be able to drop off your baby knowing that you won't see them for a day or 2? I haven't done it yet, my H still lives in the house but I'm scared to death about all of this.


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## smorgasbord (May 28, 2013)

no. nope. no. don't do it. if you are the primary caretaker, any social worker or child psych worth their salt will tell you that it is better that a very young baby stay with their primary caretaker most of the time and have short, frequent visits with the other parent until they are older. babies and very young children should NOT do overnights if they are used to being primarily cared for by one person, and certainly not 2 days at a time.

i would not give in to those demands. mostly for her well-being, but also for yours.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

smorgasbord said:


> no. nope. no. don't do it. if you are the primary caretaker, any social worker or child psych worth their salt will tell you that it is better that a very young baby stay with their primary caretaker most of the time and have short, frequent visits with the other parent until they are older. babies and very young children should NOT do overnights if they are used to being primarily cared for by one person, and certainly not 2 days at a time.
> 
> i would not give in to those demands. mostly for her well-being, but also for yours.


I don't know if I can do that. I know he loves her to death. Plus, I want to have a healthy relationship with him and I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her dad. None of this is happening right now. He hasn't moved out and we have started separating her. I know it's in the future but thankfully we're not there yet.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I agree with Smorgasbord. It's better for the baby to remain full-time with you at this age. He can come spend time with the baby at your place and maintain a relationships with the baby.

I feel strongly about this. He can't possibly have the mental resources to take care of a small baby for two days if hasn't done anything up to now.

Is there any possibility of postponing the separation until the baby gets older?? Do you get along as roommates? I know it sounds like an unpleasant situation, but it may be better than having to give the baby up for 2 days.

I know I did not respond to the question. No, the baby will not lose her bond with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I finally agree that I cannot allow my H to take my daughter more than a few hours at a time. Since the last time I posted, he has proven to me that he cannot handle her in any way shape or form. I will pursue full custody of her and allow him visitation during the day. I'm not sure if the judge will allow that because he's not an alcoholic or drug addict or anything bad like that.


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## JohnC_depressed (Dec 6, 2012)

From what you are writing you seem to be doing the right thing. Be prepared for this though: once he realizes how bad he f'd up he may use the fact that he has a child with you as leverage to win you back. Don't fall for it. He needs to get himself together and deal with his past issues. You and your daughter are going to be just fine.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Thank you John!


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