# confused and need help



## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

hi all

A friend from work told me about this place and said how good it was. 

Me and my partner has been together for 8 years and have 2 wonderful girls together and things for a long time where good. but a year ago I done something stupid by texting a ex who I was with before I meet my partner and he found out and I stopped it all but on a night out with my friends they advised me to contact the guy and see if I did have feelings for him and try and meet up (which I did) but he didn't come. 

my partner found out and we agreed to work on things but in that time there has been a lot of issues with him and two of my friends and he said to me at Christmas because of they tried to get me to cheat on my partner and how they treated him I had to chose between him and my two best friends and I got him to agree that I would not go out with them anymore and distance my self from them so I would not have to cut them out completely.

Fast forward 3 months later (march) I talked him into being ok with me going for a night out with them and the same thing happened again they got me to message that guy again cos I has not happy with how he handled the situation and they kept on saying that I could do better. but me and him worked through it and the original agreement went back into place that I would distance myself from them. 

he tried to get them to talk and he was willing to say sorry for what he said to them if they agreed to say sorry for what they have done to our relationship and promise to keep there nose out of it but they refused. I was not happy with that but what could I do?

its my birthday in two months and they have paid for me to go away for a girls weekend with them but he isn't happy with it because of what we have done in the past to him and he is scared its going to happen again he has told me if I go there wont be a me and him when I get back and I don't like to upset them cos they have spent about £400 on the weekend.

I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose my partner or upset my friends because I am stuck in the middle of it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You have two so called friends who are determined to get you to cheat on your husband and you are looking for advice. I would advise your husband to divorce you,you can't be trusted and seem to love having another man show any interest in you. 
Are your friends both cheaters themselves and want a third member for their cougar girls nights out?
If you are honestly asking for advice and do not realise how stupid you sound then please leave your husband so that he can find a faithful,trustworthy woman to love. 
Maybe give some though as to why your crush didn't turn up. Probably didn't want to be labelled a home wrecker like your toxic friends.


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

one has cheated on a number of partners multiple times


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

If you feel you are being forced into sex, into cheating on your husband, _please_ tell your husband about it now, before you do anything, before it's too late. Tell him you feel pressured, confused, and/or afraid. If he's a good man, he will understand and won't be angry with _you_, but rather with the people pressuring you. Perhaps ask him to tell these other guys off for you. Ask him, if you feel unsafe, to help you change your phone number or contact details.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

And you think this is a suitable person to be taking relationship advice from?
Have you ever heard the expression "judge me by the company I keep"
If you were my wife and you continued to associate with these women I would divorce you immediately. You have two daughters,is this the type of conduct you want them to think is suitable behaviour for a married woman.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

You need to stop drinking if you have to get in contact with your ex boyfriend when you've had a few. As Andy said you are showing your daughter's a terrible example of how a wife and mother should behave. These two women have to go as well, they are not friends of your marriage.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You're stuck in the middle because you choose to remain with people who are not friends to your marriage.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

You're going to have to choose between your marriage and your friends, you're not going to be able to keep both. If you don't choose your husband will choose for you.

If your husband were asking us about this situation rather than you most of us would be telling him to divorce you if you won't lose the "friends".


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

I've tried to promice him that nothing will happen but he does not believe me


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

welshchloe said:


> I've tried to promice him that nothing will happen but he does not believe me


As well he shouldn't. 

Maintaining a friendship with these two people is like spitting in your husband's face.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

welshchloe said:


> I've tried to promice him that nothing will happen but he does not believe me


How can he believe anything out of your mouth.You promise him not to contact any other men and at the FIRST opportunity you do just that.
You come across as one of these people who can't take responsibility for their own actions,it is always someone else's fault.The only reason you haven't cheated on your husband is because your would be Romeo didn't turn up so your promises,like your wedding vows are worth zilch.
What kind of "friends" try to get you to cheat on numerous occasions,pay for a weekend away all the time knowing that your husband is on the verge of divorcing you.You said your friend has cheated numerous times,has her partner dumped her and she wants you to join the cheaters club.After all misery loves company.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

welshchloe said:


> hi all
> 
> A friend from work told me about this place and said how good it was.
> 
> ...


It never ceases to amaze me how gullible some people are. Those two friends of yours are not really, they are not friends of your family, your partner nor kids nor friends of yours, goading you on to contact your ex. True friends do not force or encourage a friend to do what they have done. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! How can you not see this?
Your H has every right to be angry, in fact many men would have dumped your ass for being so disrespectful and lying about what you are doing, once is bad enough but so many times, are you trying to kill off your relationship and destroy your family? Seems like it, either that or you are too immature to be in a committed relationship with two kids also.

Then you have the audacity to blame your partner saying you are not happy with how HE handled the situation. Most would not be happy with your behaviour, which is downright despicable, you act like you can do nothing about it. You can protect your relationship and family and dump the toxic friends for one. You do not deserve a loving and patient partner (he has been far too patient with you to begin with) nor a family if you are so willing to blow it all up for ego kibbles and are so easily led by your divisive friends. FFS how old are you? YOu are not a school kid though your are acting like one. Grow up!

I agree with your partner, there shouldn't be a you and him, he should dump your ass, you do not deserve him nor a family if this is a difficult decision. Get rid of your toxic friends once and for all and get friends who are supportive of you and your family. This is a no brainer.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

welshchloe said:


> I've tried to promice him that nothing will happen but he does not believe me


Why should he believe anything you say, you have proven to be a liar many times already. You also seem to have chosen the toxic friends over him, if he was wise, he would leave you and get himself a decent woman who he doesn't have to check up on or who lies about meeting her exes. You have a nerve expecting any trust from him, right now your actions show you do not deserve to be trusted.
Why don't you do him a favour and get with your ex so at least the man can move on and get someone worthy of him.


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

I know I have to rebuild the trust with him but they have said if I don't go they want the money of him for the trip and we have not got that spare right now


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

welshchloe said:


> I know I have to rebuild the trust with him but they have said if I don't go they want the money of him for the trip and we have not got that spare right now[/QUOTE
> 
> Just tell them to **** off.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

welshchloe said:


> they have said if I don't go they want the money of him for the trip


Did you ask them or agree they would pay for the trip for you? Did your husband agree for you to go with them paying your way?

Why is this HIS responsibility ? 

If you made the agreement alone, then it is YOU who owes the money.
If they chose on their own to pay for your tickets without your agreement, then it is THEIR problem, not yours.



Andy1001 said:


> Just tell them to **** off.


Basically, I agree with this. How dare they interfere in someone's marriage. They deserve to lose the money.


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

my mum came over the night before last to try and talk to him about what is going on but he didn't like the fact that she said I should go away with my friends and he has gone to his parents for a few day to sort out his feelings over what is going on between me and him. last night I told my friend last night what is going on and then she messaged him having a go at him for controlling me and that's just made things worse. I think now ive lost him for good over this


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Look. Every person on this forum has given you the same advice but you,like a spoilt little girl still wants her own way. It's obvious you want some strange **** and your mother telling your husband to suck it up tells me that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. 
Has your mother ever cheated on your father?


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

no andy he did cheat on her


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Your answer is very telling. 
I asked you did she cheat on him.


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Your answer is very telling.
> I asked you did she cheat on him.



no she didnt


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

welshchloe said:


> my mum came over the night before last to try and talk to him about what is going on but he didn't like the fact that she said I should go away with my friends and he has gone to his parents for a few day to sort out his feelings over what is going on between me and him. last night I told my friend last night what is going on and then she messaged him having a go at him for controlling me and that's just made things worse. I think now ive lost him for good over this


Well you made a choice, choices have consequences. How old are you. I get the feeling we are trying to get a petulant spoilt teenager to see the error of her ways instead of a grown ass woman with 2 kids. If you are this blind and easily led then maybe you should not be married. I feel sorry for your H and your kids. What kind of role model will you be?

Do you know how disrespectful and hurtful it is to have your friends and mother gang up on your man when he just doesn't want you to put yourself in a compromising situation with your ex. If I was him I would have the divorce papers ready on your return, and file for full custody of the kids, you deserve nothing less. Then you can go whoring with your friends wherever you want.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

welshchloe said:


> I know I have to rebuild the trust with him but they have said if I don't go they want the money of him for the trip and we have not got that spare right now


Why on earth should he pay for a trip he never wanted you to go on in the first place. They have a nerve and you have a nerve allowing this to go so far in the first place. This is on you not your H. You should get a job and pay it off and do something useful with your life instead of causing problems for your H and family.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

welshchloe said:


> Fast forward 3 months later (march) I talked him into being ok with me going for a night out with them and the same thing happened again *they got me to* message that guy again cos I has not happy with how he handled the situation and they kept on saying that *I could do better*. but me and him worked through it and the original agreement went back into place that I would distance myself from them.


He certainly can do better. Someone who owns mature, responsibility in relationships.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

welshchloe said:


> my mum came over the night before last to try and talk to him about what is going on but he didn't like the fact that she said I should go away with my friends and he has gone to his parents for a few day to sort out his feelings over what is going on between me and him. last night I told my friend last night what is going on and then she messaged him having a go at him for controlling me and that's just made things worse. *I think now ive lost him for good over this*


Hopefully you are right.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This is just laughable. The guy you're "partners" with has got to know he's in for a wild ride if he stays with you.

If this is real, why you get your mom and "friends" involved in your marriage, and actually pretend they "pressured" you into calling your ex is beyond my comprehension.

However, I HAVE enjoyed seeing how your "partner" has been labelled "controlling" when he tries to refuse to allow you to hang out with friends whom you ADMIT are pressuring you to call your ex and meet up and have sex with him because you can "do better". Sounds pretty typical of a bunch of cheaters getting together.
It's comical. I've enjoyed the reading. Please continue the entertainment.

BTW, have you ever cheated on your partner before........???????


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

welshchloe said:


> hi all
> 
> A friend from work told me about this place and said how good it was.
> 
> ...


Tell your false friends that they are "dim da." Get some new friends, @welshchloe. Your old ones have gone toxic. Do NOT go away with them.

Marriage Guidance might help.

If you are in Wales, this link might be of help to you:- https://www.relate.org.uk/cymru


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

No I have not


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yes you have. When you arranged to meet the other man that was cheating. You have a rosy future ahead of you,your husband will throw you out and hopefully get custody of the children. You and your tramp friends can then turn your minds to ruining someone else's marriage,maybe get some hints from your mother she seems to see nothing wrong with you spreading your legs for another man. 
For what it's worth I think this story is bs but it is good to have a laugh this early in the morning.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm guessing you're not married and you obviously don't want to be, so what is the problem? It's doubtful you'll ever find a guy who's willing to pay the bills and be happy his girl is hooking up with exs.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

From what you have written and your responses and your actions, you do not want help.

What you want is "someone" to say you are right and to go ahead and hook up with someone who is not your husband.

You need "someone" as an excuse to betray your husband who (from what you have indicated) has done nothing wrong except to give his permission for you to cheat on him.

What you need to do is cut off ties with your so called friends and totally commit to your husband OR do him the biggest favour of his life and let him go.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

OP, how would you feel if your partner did with his ex-girlfriend what you did with your ex boyfriend?

You would have been gone from my life the first time you did it, there would have never been a second time.

If you go on this girl's trip, it'll be the kiss of death for your relationship.

ETA: and no one can "make" you do anything. You contacted your ex on your own volition. Your friends are a terrible influence on you and your relationship. They have got to go. No, they didn't "make" you do anything. You did it yourself.


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## welshchloe (Sep 4, 2017)

Nothing happened with my ex it was flirting and talking about it and I have been trying to get out of going away with my friends and looks like he is looking for his own place to rent


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

welshchloe said:


> I've tried to promice him that nothing will happen but he does not believe me


Even so why would you want to be friends with people who would treat your husband and the father of your children with such disdain? Do you consider you and your husband a team or not? Teammates don't hang out with people who stab their other teammates in the back.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

welshchloe said:


> my mum came over the night before last to try and talk to him about what is going on but he didn't like the fact that she said I should go away with my friends and he has gone to his parents for a few day to sort out his feelings over what is going on between me and him. last night I told my friend last night what is going on and then she messaged him having a go at him for controlling me and that's just made things worse. I think now ive lost him for good over this


Either you are not giving the full story here or you are not giving your support circle the full one. As it stands it seems your support circle isn't doing you many favors.


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## Thestarsarefalling (Apr 16, 2017)

Friends should be there and want what is best for you. Cheating on your partner isn't in your best interest. Toxic friends. 

You need to take responsibility for your actions. Doesn't matter what your friends tell you to do, you made poor choices. No one forced you. You contacted another man, made plans to meet. If you are not happy and want to leave your partner then do it with some honesty and dignity. The decision to leave should not be based on whether you have another man ready in the wings. Someday your girls will be grown up and what will you tell them about how you acted with their Dad?


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## calitex2009 (Sep 10, 2017)

You will either lose custody of your daughters completely for your bad judgment and bad influences or your big mouth mum may end up raising two little girls since she's so smart about the whole thing. Either way stupid decisions are always paid for by the children. Nice going by another group of idiots who should have all been on birth control ...even your mum !


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

welshchloe said:


> Nothing happened with my ex it was flirting and talking about it and I have been trying to get out of going away with my friends and looks like he is looking for his own place to rent


I'm sorry Welshchloe, but your created this scenario when you chose your toxic friends over him. Consequences of your own actions.


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