# Too tired for sex?!



## Anonny123

Among all my other problems, I brought this up to my therapist recently and she was a bit taken aback...

Can a man really be too tired for sex? I'm lucky if we do it once a month. I am very sexual, consider myself the "man" in the sex dept b/c I'm the one that always wants it and enjoys it. I have no problem initiating but EVERY time - come on! 

Husband always falls asleep on the couch. Always compains how tired he is. He works hard but all the time?? When we do do "the deed" it's a total of 10-15 minutes tops including foreplay! 

What's the deal? I think he's just tired of me...


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## MrK

After a year of purusing these forums, I'm finally convinced that yes, it is a possibility for there to be a male that doesn't want sex 24-7. I don't get it, but a non-horny male is actually possible.


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## ThinkTooMuch

*Husband's health*

Anonny,

I assume you and your husband are way under 40 years old, I'm a bit surprised that your husband is always tired and only up (sorry) for once a month sex.

I am not a medical professional, but let ask if has any/all of the following symptoms which would indicate one of the most likely causes of fatigue in a relatively young man.

Frequent urination
Unusual thirst
Extreme hunger
Unusual weight loss
Extreme fatigue and Irritability

Frequent infections
Blurred vision
Cuts/bruises that are slow to heal
Tingling/numbness in the hands/feet
Recurring skin, gum, or bladder infections​
I'm 61, in my 30s, my gf and I were having fun almost daily. With the right woman I'd be able and delighted to play every other day, sometimes more often these days.

Assuming he is not waking at 4 or 5 AM because he's going to the gym and pumping iron, or running 10K, or baking bread at work, he is possibly depressed or suffering from a wide range of possible illnesses, the list above a starting point. 

I think he needs a whole body & mind exam by a very good doctor, not the one he sees every once in a while. Find the dr. by asking friends for GP/internist with an open mind and a good brain.

I hope that the real issue is something like sleep apnea which can be easily dealt with, but please have him see a dr. soon - something is wrong.

Mark


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## Anonny123

Thanks for your concern Mark, that is very sincere of you to point out a possible health concern. He does not suffer from any of the symptoms you've listed though.

My husband does wake up early for work (b/t 5-6am depending on the workload - runs a family business) and runs around all day and squeezes in the gym or sports (hockey and softball) when he can so I can understand him being tired MOST of the time. But if he has the energy to invest at the gym or his recreational activities how can he not have the energy for me at least once a week?


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## MEM2020

How old are the two of you? Was he always like this? Have either of you changed physically a lot? What is his exercise schedule?



Anonny123 said:


> Among all my other problems, I brought this up to my therapist recently and she was a bit taken aback...
> 
> Can a man really be too tired for sex? I'm lucky if we do it once a month. I am very sexual, consider myself the "man" in the sex dept b/c I'm the one that always wants it and enjoys it. I have no problem initiating but EVERY time - come on!
> 
> Husband always falls asleep on the couch. Always compains how tired he is. He works hard but all the time?? When we do do "the deed" it's a total of 10-15 minutes tops including foreplay!
> 
> What's the deal? I think he's just tired of me...


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## Anonny123

MEM - I'm 32 and he's 31. He works 12-14 hour days and squeezes in the gym during that time. Last night I actually asked him where he found the energy to play hockey and softball this summer b/c now that the season is over he's replaced those activities w/ sleeping on the couch (hinting instead of reserving and using some energy on me) and he said "I LOVE playing hockey, when I'm out there I don't think about how tired I am" - gee thanks, right? <sigh>

We are both in great physical condition - I work out 5 days a week, am very fit and always full of energy. 

I just don't get it - guess he's bored with me. Been together for 8 years - kind of scares me that stuff like this happens


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## 827Aug

In some of your other posts you have brought up the fact your husband has problems with drugs, gambling, and other woman. I believe the answer you are looking for lies within all of that. Why would he be interested (or even have energy) in/for sex with you when he is a serial cheater, gambler, and possible experimenting with ecstasy?


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## Anonny123

you're right 827. I always figured he had to be getting it somewhere else if he wasn't getting it from me... anyone I have ever told, male or female, thinks it's very strange that he is always so tired and not up to sex... it only takes him 10-15 mins tops!


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## BlueEyedBeauty

*Okay, you came to me and asked for my help*


First I am going to tell you, tell you this​"ThinkToMuch" he is always bringing up about people losing weight, being fat, doing things wrong... (Which did not this time to you though- but does with a lot...So does Cherrypie18)*You are *_*not*_ doing anything wrong, do not worry on that part. *You, are not* fat so there is not any need to worry on that part... Yes, their are men out here who, do get overly tired and are not really able to make love with us like they should be doing...​
Yes, you can be over worked, they could have​Depression going on in their lives; they could be sick, could be meds that they are taking- it really could be anything. I know though as a Female; myself that we do blame ourselves on these things; we feel as we are doing something wrong when things just do not seem the same as before... You are saying about your husband only making love once a month with you. Well, I would have to say- *THAT IS HARD*.​
That right there was something that I put​Up with for so many years. But also my husband he was on meds that made him that way though. He use too back when we were dating a first married he use to always do four play with me. Now, days he will not no longer go down on me and has not done so in many of years. I did bring it up him though today; before our love making started. Cause he still does have a hard time getting it- those pills really messed him up. Anyway, he said to me "I will play with you instead" I was hurt but did not let it show. I then talked with him after we were done making love and I let him know on how I wish he would still do those things with me.​
Your best bet though is to talk with​Your husband; find out the reasoning on why, the love making just is not the same why, he will not make love with you more often than he has been doing. Ask him also if he is depressed about anything; see, if there is anything you are able to do where you can help him over come being depressed...​
I would not point the finger though​Do not just jump and think he is cheating on you; most likely it is not that at all... Show him you love him; let him know "No matter what it is my love- I am here for you" Also if you have not already done so- _*dress even more *_sexier than you have been doing for him. Make you love making into games, he most likely has been waiting to try something new with you; which has come up to you in ways with him telling you, But you just are not aware of what it is he really wants. Okay, I pretty much told you here on what I was feeling and also seeing. Good luck​

PS: I KNOW HE HAS CHEATED MANY OF TIMES IN THE PAST- BUT THIS TIME HE IS NOT


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## unbelievable

Sex is usually a pretty high priority for a healthy male. I know if I were too tired for it, I'd also have to be too tired to eat, go to work, or take care of any other life function. If I get that tired, the ambulance better be pulling up in my driveway. I suspect his reluctance has another explanation. Could be ED, or some other performance anxiety issue.


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## Idontknownow

My husband some times gets stressed at work during difficult times. Every year around end of year stock inventory and audit I know he is gonna be exhausted. He also some times has to create power point presontations for the base and works very late hours at some since they don't allow him much time to work on them at work. 

During these times he just wants to sleep when he can. He hardly stays awake for dinner let alone playing games so I ease off about the sex. Once he's rested he's back on his game. Once during end of year audit he came to our sons t-ball game and he actually fell asleep next to me on the bleachers lol


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## Sara Ann

Sex is not a high priority for a healthy male who is sleep deprived. I know from experience.

If you are rested and fed, have a roof over your head, no financial problems, ie the bases are covered, then sex every other day ought to be important.

But my friend's husband only wants to do it twice a month. That is normal for him.

Some people do it every day.

My H gets mad if I talk about sex more than 5 min in a day. He just doesn't want to think about it that often. He is all man, gets very hard, plays sports, in great shape and he is over 50.


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## unbelievable

Once a month seems far below anything resembling a reasonable frequency, to me; far too infrequent to be explained by just the fatigue of normal life. Like the OP says, she's asking for him to expend maybe 15 minutes on her. Anyone that tired needs to see a doc.


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## Anonny123

During his busy season (Nov/Dec) I know not to expect it and I'm totally fine with it but this has gotten ridiculous. He even keeps his eyes closed during sex and is so akward with me at sometimes - acts like a little kid.


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## 827Aug

I'm sure his double life is the culprit--young women, gambling, and drugs. If it is a medical problem, it's probably due to the recreational drug use.

I don't think most posters have read your other threads.


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## Anonny123

I would think his double life is to blame as well - when you're getting it elsewhere it doesnt seem to feel like your missing it...


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## ThinkTooMuch

I've been following this via email updates and want to agree with you - he is tired of you, doesn't want to make love or even have sex. His heart has left town, his body falls asleep as an escape from intimacy.

When I'm angry with my wife, or my love vanishes, I don't want sex with her, I can't deal with what seems like one of the worst lies I could make. 




Anonny123 said:


> Among all my other problems, I brought this up to my therapist recently and she was a bit taken aback...
> 
> Can a man really be too tired for sex? I'm lucky if we do it once a month. I am very sexual, consider myself the "man" in the sex dept b/c I'm the one that always wants it and enjoys it. I have no problem initiating but EVERY time - come on!
> 
> Husband always falls asleep on the couch. Always compains how tired he is. He works hard but all the time?? When we do do "the deed" it's a total of 10-15 minutes tops including foreplay!
> 
> What's the deal? I think he's just tired of me...


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## Anonny123

@ ThinkTooMUCH

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your straightforwardness but what do you mean by "I can't deal with what seems like one of the worst lies I could make."


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## misspuppy

i will admit i have not read any other of your posts, so, i am going to give you my IMHO ..

Hubby and i have been married for almost 9 yrs, when we first met, man it was sex almost every day  it was nice and we would do it for hours and hours at a time.. as time went on we grew up and had more responsibilities i was 27 and he was 29 when we met, so of course it was all the time anytime.. now, i am 35 and he is 37.. at times ( usually during the spring and fall) have sex like 3 to 5 times a week. now he is working 12-14 hour nights in sub zero weather, so, we play like 1 time per week..

Believe it or not, ,men can get tired and not have energy to play with their H or W's, SO ect.. its ok to be too tired for sex.. and with you complaining that you are not getting it enough is not helping. STRESS can really really KILL a man's sex drive, educate yourself about how stress can affect a man's drive. also, keep in mind as men get older they do tend to slow down, NOT ALL, but, some.


If you really still want sex tho, help the poor guy out MEN ARE VISUAL creatures and LOVE To SEE things, so here are some ideas to help you:

Wear see thru tight tops with skimpy bottoms or no bottoms.. bend down in front of him, tease him.. Men LOVE to man up to the challenge of a sexy woman in front of them, and this works about 80% of the time...

leave him dirty notes in places he sees alot, like in his briefcase, or in the bathroom or anywhere else, leave him dirty messages on his phone vm or email..telling him what you like and what you are doing ( even tho you are not, the imagination is a powerful thing).. men love to think that there woman are "doing something".. 

try adding more things into your sex life ( movies candles toys clothes ect), again MEN are visual and love to see things...


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## ThinkTooMuch

I don't want to sound as if I'm a good person, I want to be descriptive of how I work - my moral code, more a part of my core being than a teaching, seems to insist on honesty. Making love for me is just that - a recognition and expression of my love, the rest of my body follows along despite temptation. This doesn't keep my from enjoying fantasies, I do.

Over the years I have strongly refused offers from women I have not felt deeply about, for someone who came of age in the 60s I am very inexperienced, but I am consistent.



Anonny123 said:


> @ ThinkTooMUCH
> 
> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your straightforwardness but what do you mean by "I can't deal with what seems like one of the worst lies I could make."


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## Anonny123

misspuppy said:


> i will admit i have not read any other of your posts, so, i am going to give you my IMHO ..
> 
> Hubby and i have been married for almost 9 yrs, when we first met, man it was sex almost every day  it was nice and we would do it for hours and hours at a time.. as time went on we grew up and had more responsibilities i was 27 and he was 29 when we met, so of course it was all the time anytime.. now, i am 35 and he is 37.. at times ( usually during the spring and fall) have sex like 3 to 5 times a week. now he is working 12-14 hour nights in sub zero weather, so, we play like 1 time per week..
> 
> Believe it or not, ,men can get tired and not have energy to play with their H or W's, SO ect.. its ok to be too tired for sex.. and with you complaining that you are not getting it enough is not helping. STRESS can really really KILL a man's sex drive, educate yourself about how stress can affect a man's drive. also, keep in mind as men get older they do tend to slow down, NOT ALL, but, some.
> 
> 
> If you really still want sex tho, help the poor guy out MEN ARE VISUAL creatures and LOVE To SEE things, so here are some ideas to help you:
> 
> Wear see thru tight tops with skimpy bottoms or no bottoms.. bend down in front of him, tease him.. Men LOVE to man up to the challenge of a sexy woman in front of them, and this works about 80% of the time...
> 
> leave him dirty notes in places he sees alot, like in his briefcase, or in the bathroom or anywhere else, leave him dirty messages on his phone vm or email..telling him what you like and what you are doing ( even tho you are not, the imagination is a powerful thing).. men love to think that there woman are "doing something"..
> 
> try adding more things into your sex life ( movies candles toys clothes ect), again MEN are visual and love to see things...


Thanks misspuppy - I know I could do a little more too but w all that i've gone through it's really hard for me to want to


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## Franklin Tank

I just want to say that most of you are putting too much thought into this. I have personal experience with being too tired to have sex and im only 23. Here is my story. I got married in 2008 and my wife was already pregnant. I love sex and so does my wife just as much as i do. after the baby was born and my wife recovered we where at it just the same at about 6-10 times a week minus that time of the month. Then out if the blue at about my 9 month marriage mark i started getting unhealthy tired. It was selective. I had just enough energy to do things that where considered work like working out but when it came time to have fun i couldnt because i was so tired, from what i dont know. It is my belief that subconcioulsy everything got to me all at once. My job my wife and kids my financial situation. Even though all where about average for about 4 or 5 months and for NO reason at all i was too tired most of the time. i think we have sex about once a month if that. I have never cheated on my wife and i love sex with my wife. As i stated before my wife love sex too and because of that and our lack of sex our marriage was tested. She said i didnt find her attractive and she said that id rather have there girls and she said that id rather masturbate and didnt believe it when i said that she was wrong but just before everything went sour I was sent to Afghanistan for 7 months. When i came back i could not get enough of my wife and still cant. She was and is begging me to slow down. Im not saying that this is the same thing that is happening this is just my proof that it could just be nothing at all. I dont even know exactly for sure what it was but what made it better was a long period of deep self reflection time away from normal life. I dont think it had to be 7 months. I think maybe a month would have done it. Well thats it.


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