# Your experience with infidelity



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Please answer honestly so we can make a statistic


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

? In what way

Both my last relationships were affected heavily by it. (6 years and 15 years) 
Both had mental issues and I 'enabled' both, trusted them but simply too much - not enough boundaries from me and they took full advantage of that trust 

I'll never 'give' as much to any woman again. Lessons painfully learned


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Headspin, I'm sorry to hear that! Please don't think that you will never love a woman again. Don't allow that particular woman who cheated on you to make you miss out on the beauty of love. Keep an open mind, not all women are cheaters.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I answered "have both cheated and been cheated on in previous relationships". Thankfully, my marriage is solid and full of love. We only have eyes for one another. So, to remind people with painful experiences not to give up...keep looking for the ONE, who will not cheat on you !


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

I need an option that says I am the BS and have been cheated on more than once in the same relationship.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Ditto what MOOSEY said.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> Headspin, I'm sorry to hear that! Please don't think that you will never love a woman again. Don't allow that particular woman who cheated on you to make you miss out on the beauty of love. Keep an open mind, not all women are cheaters.


Actually it's not about love. 

I'll love again, no problem there but will I ever give my soul again? No, never 

Will I ever want to share a roof with a woman knowing she might want to take it away from me and my kids again? No 

Will I give my heart ? yes but that's it, not a lot else 

I will absolutely never trust a woman again even if I love her.

Infidelity has long arms and can reach out and grab hold of the best of relationships so I will always have an eye in it in the future

Also we live in a 'have what you want now' society "you only live once so have it all" so for the future I'll be very wary of anyone

.......the nicest people can be killers


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

MOOSEY said:


> I need an option that says I am the BS and have been cheated on more than once in the same relationship.


Both mine were serial cheats - multi


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Like some others, this is my second time being betrayed in a different relationship. My XW had a PA with her college classmate and I divorced her. But we were very young, both the same age, having married at 19, and divorced by 22. Obviously, she wasn't ready for a lifelong monogamous commitment. My current fWW, remained faithful for 22 years before coming in contact with an old HS boyfriend via facebook. It didn't go PA due to international borders, but that didn't stop them from dreaming and planning to take it to a PA. One message I read from her, was her lamenting the fact that they haven't been able to meet in person.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I've been cheated on and cheated in past relationships. My W accuses me of an EA that truly was a pen pal relationship, and with flriting with an office girl when truly I was being part of the "team" here... W thought my "you rock" comment in an email after the gal did something good for a customer was flirtatious... but it was only flirtatious because she used that all the time with OM. 

I've been cheated on in every LTR I've been in. So I figure there's really something wrong with me, even though I've never been physically abusive, always a good provider, etc. And three out of six of those, I was cheated on, or left for, with a married guy. 

Bet you never figured to put THAT in your poll, huh?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

doubletrouble said:


> I've been cheated on and cheated in past relationships. My W accuses me of an EA that truly was a pen pal relationship, and with flriting with an office girl when truly I was being part of the "team" here... W thought my "you rock" comment in an email after the gal did something good for a customer was flirtatious... but it was only flirtatious because she used that all the time with OM.


That's actually one of the red flags that indicates that they are cheating. They are projecting their suspicions on to the BS because of what they are doing themselves.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

You're spot on... I didn't know the extent of their affair until this February, and she accused me of that last January (2012). That would be exactly one year after they last fvcked.

The extent of her transposition of anger and accusations baffles me sometimes. Makes me wonder about her whole thought process. Defense mechanisms, I suppose.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I was cheated on during my marriage, and also once before in a previous relationship about 18 years ago.

The previous one hurt a little bit, but not much as I wasn't really that into him to begin with. I was young. I think I cried a bit, then thought "Sod him - his loss!" and moved on.

It did not prepare me in any way for the enormity of the devastation I would feel when my husband betrayed me.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Not sure what to select. I was the BS and got divorced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

doubletrouble said:


> I've been cheated on and cheated in past relationships. My W accuses me of an EA that truly was a pen pal relationship, and with flriting with an office girl when truly I was being part of the "team" here... W thought my "you rock" comment in an email after the gal did something good for a customer was flirtatious... but it was only flirtatious because she used that all the time with OM.
> 
> I've been cheated on in every LTR I've been in. *So I figure there's really something wrong with me, even though I've never been physically abusive, always a good provider, etc. And three out of six of those, I was cheated on, or left for, with a married guy. *
> 
> Bet you never figured to put THAT in your poll, huh?


For a bit I too thought that but no it's my choices that are wrong. I go for 'the victim' the 'needy' the 'broken wing' they then go for you because you're so supportive.

I am an 'enabler' in relationships which if I have a fault, I will accept what I think is love but in my experience it's not it's reciprocal 'support' I want my partner to be the best for them, to achieve the most they can. This often goes hand in hand with them losing respect for you as they get stronger and stronger 

co dependency is often at the root of infidelity. Once the 'broken wing' is 'fixed' and confident they are a 'new woman' and where's the best market place to try that out?!?


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> I need an option that says I am the BS and have been cheated on more than once in the same relationship.



I am with Moosey


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> I need an option that says I am the BS and have been cheated on more than once in the same relationship.


Unfortunately there are only 10 options allowed. 
As for the being cheated more than once in the same relationship, I hear you. You're not alone. Hug !


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> I've been cheated on and cheated in past relationships. My W accuses me of an EA that truly was a pen pal relationship, and with flriting with an office girl when truly I was being part of the "team" here... W thought my "you rock" comment in an email after the gal did something good for a customer was flirtatious... but it was only flirtatious because she used that all the time with OM.
> 
> I've been cheated on in every LTR I've been in. So I figure there's really something wrong with me, even though I've never been physically abusive, always a good provider, etc. And three out of six of those, I was cheated on, or left for, with a married guy.
> 
> Bet you never figured to put THAT in your poll, huh?


Aww...I now get the nickaname, doubletrouble. I can relate to your pain. Never think it's something wrong with you. It's something wrong with the people who cheat. The problem is, how we attract the cheaters? 
It must be something about our attitude, about expectations, and about self-esteem. I discovered that once I decided that I was worthy of love, started to love myself more, and worked a little more on my beliefs, I stopped attracting the same old type of guys: cheaters and lazy bums. I started to attract successful, honest, and handsome men. Ended up marrying one.
Never had to deal again with infidelity so far, since.
And the poll only allows 10 options. We could think of countless more, I agree


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## blackdiamonds (Jun 26, 2013)

I never cheated in my previous relationships. I'm the WS (now FWS).


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tomara said:


> I am with Moosey


I'm with Tomara


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

There is no poll option for me...

I've been faithful to my wife, and I'm pretty sure she has been to me. No red flags, no reason to think otherwise but this forum has led me to say "pretty sure" instead of certain based on the number of smart people here who were totally fooled.

So why am I here? For a long time after I joined TAM, I stayed away until it was pointed out that I indeed have been impacted by infidelity. How? I'm the only non-cheater in my family. 

My paternal grandfather is a total player. He cheated on my grandmother for most of their 53 year marriage until she passed. I may have half cousins all over Northern Cal that were raised by unsuspecting betrayed husbands.

I do not know for sure if my dad ever did. My sister is convinced, and does have some damning evidence. He maintains he never did, but I'm not sure. My mom had a long EA, and went to her grave claiming it never went physical. I think there was a good chance it did.

Every one of my mom's brothers was at least a BS, WS or OM. Most were more than one.

My brother was a WS, and ran off with the OW. He ended up getting cheated on 10 years later. Sis in law got herself pregnant, with a pretty good chance it was the OM's child and got an abortion. They're still together. Every time he posts on facebook about "how lucky he is to have her" I want to throw up in my mouth a little. He makes 3/4 mil a year, is fit as hell, and he gets an average looking at best woman who almost cuckolded him.

Then my sister - she was the OW multiple times before getting married. After being married for a few years she started up an EA with a coworker. She ran off with the OM. She didn't say anything, just disappeared for a weekend of debauchery. She told my mom she was leaving her husband - but my mom never told anyone else. The same weekend my mom takes off to a friends cabin out in the sticks where she's unreachable. My BIL comes home to her missing, no note. He contacts my dad, and the two of them fill out a missing person's report. The police are searching for her for 3 days before they track her down at the coast in a hotel with the OM. Sis made a big deal about not going physical until she left her husband - nice way of leaving, huh?


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> There is no poll option for me...
> 
> I've been faithful to my wife, and I'm pretty sure she has been to me. No red flags, no reason to think otherwise but this forum has led me to say "pretty sure" instead of certain based on the number of smart people here who were totally fooled.
> 
> ...


Wow. Kudos to you for staying a sane and honest person. Never go the path they did.


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