# Exposing one's cheating spouse



## SandyD (Nov 18, 2012)

Hi, I wanted to know if one should expose their cheating spouse to their parents even if no reconciliation is intended. I'm pretty sure my husband told his mother what happened but I'm not sure how much. There were several instances of cheating and I really don't want him to portray himself to others as a saint who only made one mistake, and I have a gut feeling this is what he'll do, besides blaming me for it. 
There were never any long-term affairs, just one-time hook-ups and prostitutes.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes.


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## this is bad (Aug 13, 2011)

Yes


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

SandyD said:


> Hi, I wanted to know if one should expose their cheating spouse to their parents even if no reconciliation is intended. I'm pretty sure my husband told his mother what happened but I'm not sure how much. There were several instances of cheating and I really don't want him to portray himself to others as a saint who only made one mistake, and I have a gut feeling this is what he'll do, besides blaming me for it.
> There were never any long-term affairs, just one-time hook-ups and prostitutes.


Absolutely!

Cheaters will rewrite history and portray you as the bad guy. Let everyone know you did not cause this, you are the victim. Do not be ashamed of his actions. 

I'd tell everyone!!


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## SandyD (Nov 18, 2012)

Won't that look vengeful though?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Yes do it!
So what if it looks vengeful, it's the truth!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SandyD (Nov 18, 2012)

Won't that mess up our co-parenting relationship?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Isn't your H the passive-aggressive guy who's been bad-mouthing you to anyone who will listen? If so, it sounds like telling his family will be an exercise in futility.

But tell the truth anyway. Why not? You'll feel better having been honest & having done what you could to set the record straight. I don't believe it will affect his parenting at all - given his personality, he'll be able to charm his children into believing whatever he wants them to anyway. So, find some closure by saying it all out loud to the people he's been bad-mouthing you to.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Absolutely! Expose everything to everyone (as long as it's the truth) even if there is no R intended. The world deserves to know what a skunk he is.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Silverlining said:


> Absolutely!
> 
> Cheaters will rewrite history and portray you as the bad guy. Let everyone know you did not cause this, you are the victim. Do not be ashamed of his actions.
> 
> I'd tell everyone!!


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

SandyD said:


> Hi, I wanted to know if one should expose their cheating spouse to their parents even if no reconciliation is intended. I'm pretty sure my husband told his mother what happened but I'm not sure how much. There were several instances of cheating and I really don't want him to portray himself to others as a saint who only made one mistake, and I have a gut feeling this is what he'll do, besides blaming me for it.
> There were never any long-term affairs, just one-time hook-ups and prostitutes.


You have gotten good advice even if you do reconcile, there are certain people you should expose to.

What does exposing do. It forces the cheater to see himself the way others may. If you are reconciling, do not yet tell your family. If you are not reconciling tell them to get their support. If you are reconciling expose to any trusted authority figure in his life, like a pastor, his parents, your friends.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

If you intend to reconcile - Yes
Do you have kids - Yes
I am never going to see that POS or his family again - why bother

It is a yes if you have anything to do with him again. The reason for exposing is getting them to change and stopping the A.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Here's my take:

Because your husband showed reckless behavior that endangered your health (and possibly your family's health), his family DOES need to be aware. When you make arrangements for visitation, etc. with the children, you may decide on supervision and such if he continues to behave erratically.

His family needs to know what he may do as well if he stays with them as they can also be exposed to this negative lifestyle. 

I think it's fair to meet with them calmly and rationally explain what has happened, that you still care for them and hope to have them in your children's lives. It's also good that they know so they don't get sucked into speaking negatively about you in front of the children.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

remorseful strayer said:


> You have gotten good advice even if you do reconcile, there are certain people you should expose to.
> 
> What does exposing do. It forces the cheater to see himself the way others may. If you are reconciling, do not yet tell your family. If you are not reconciling tell them to get their support. If you are reconciling expose to any trusted authority figure in his life, like a pastor, his parents, your friends.


Why do you say don't not tell your family?
My parents and siblings were the FIRST people I told when I found out H was cheating. I needed all their support and help.
My mother loves my H like a son, she was devastated BUT I needed her support.
H and I are in R now. My parents are STILL supportive. 
It's up to the BS to fix the relationship with the in laws if R takes place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Why do you say don't not tell your family?
> My parents and siblings were the FIRST people I told when I found out H was cheating. I needed all their support and help.
> My mother loves my H like a son, she was devastated BUT I needed her support.
> H and I are in R now. My parents are STILL supportive.
> ...


Well your situation is somewhat unique. In most families there is stress between in laws. Therefore if the in law cheats they almost always advise booting his butt. This can cause a lot of turmoil in the mind of the hurt spouse who wants to reconcile. In your situation, your family seems to like him and are likely willing to forgive if he stops cheating. This is not the case with the majority of in laws. But the person can still expose to a pastor, or his family and mutual friends.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Dommy Lindar said:


> Trust is important. * If you suspect your spouse is cheating, just talk with him. * If he keeps lying and hiding, then install a stealth monitoring software like iKeyMonitor to help you find out the truth.


Never, ever do what is in bold above.

Also, zombie thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zombie Thread.

Locking.


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