# When to have a woman sleep over.



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Hi, as the regulars know, I am divorced, living the bachelor life (as much as you can pathetically when you are working 2 jobs and co-parenting 3 boys).

At what point (if any) do you think it's okay to have a woman over to sleep in my house? We seperated 2 years ago and have been divorced since October 2010.

Do I get extra leeway because I am a guy? What's the standard for men/fathers? Can I have a long parade of women in and my sons would dismiss it as male behavior?

Finally, do you all like the show _2 and a Half men?_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

November 1, 2010

Used to like 2+1/2 until Charlie Sheen turned into a walking douche bag.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> November 1, 2010


Seems reasonable to me. . . I do try to "honor" my past relationship in all ways possible.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Although my son probably doesn’t recall his father and I sharing a bed, it still seems weird to me if he were to know I was sharing my bed (even if truly just sleeping) with another man. My ex-husband recently remarried, so obviously my son has been exposed to his father sharing his bed with a woman.

I wouldn’t just let any guy or for that matter, a number of different guys sleep in my bed either. Been seeing a guy on and off, which has actually turned into a better friendship than anything. Anyhow, our boys wanted to have a “sleep-over” at my house a couple of times. A few times my friend slept on the recliner and the other times he went home and came back in the morning.

Complicated, I know!!!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> At what point (if any) do you think it's okay to have a woman over to sleep in my house? We seperated 2 years ago and have been divorced since October 2010.
> 
> Do I get extra leeway because I am a guy? What's the standard for men/fathers? Can I have a long parade of women in and my sons would dismiss it as male behavior?


I think the answer depends upon what ages your boys are and how you raise them. If you take them to church and tell them that premarital sex is wrong, then you shouldn't have girlfriends stay over. If you simply tell them to do whatever they want and wear a condom, then you're fine.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

PHTlump said:


> I think the answer depends upon what ages your boys are and how you raise them. If you take them to church and tell them that premarital sex is wrong, then you shouldn't have girlfriends stay over. If you simply tell them to do whatever they want and wear a condom, then you're fine.


I guess I always lived in the real world. People have relationships and people have sex before marriage. My son has a friend with strict religious upbringing. No drinking, no dancing, church every Sunday and no pre-marital sex. Well he just lost his virginity two weeks ago. Good thing he is a smart kid and used protection.
I would follow the same rules I would expect for my kids. To be in love. To be in a relationship. Not play the game, 'who's going to walk out of Scanner's bedroom today????'. But if you're saying wait til you're married, then you can't have endless parade of women staying he night.
And yes - love 2 1/2 Men!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> I guess I always lived in the real world. People have relationships and people have sex before marriage.


Not everyone has sex before marriage. And just because an activity is common means nothing regarding whether the activity is moral or beneficial.



golfergirl said:


> My son has a friend with strict religious upbringing. No drinking, no dancing, church every Sunday and no pre-marital sex. Well he just lost his virginity two weeks ago. Good thing he is a smart kid and used protection.


Sure. Pre-marital sex with condoms is better than pre-marital sex without condoms. But to those who believe that pre-marital sex is harmful, that's kind of like saying a kid you know tried crack, but was smart because he only did one small rock.



golfergirl said:


> I would follow the same rules I would expect for my kids. To be in love. To be in a relationship. Not play the game, 'who's going to walk out of Scanner's bedroom today????'. But if you're saying wait til you're married, then you can't have endless parade of women staying he night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. Whether Scanner represents sex as a recreational activity that any two (or more) consenting people are free to engage in, as something that should only be shared by a married couple, or something in between, he should follow his own advice to set a good example for his kids.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

My son took to the casual level of religious training he did have very well, to the point that he committed himself to remain celibate until marriage. After my divorce, I told him I was going to do no such thing. I am remarried now, though. Evidence shows that living together before marriage harms your marriage commitment.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> Hi, as the regulars know, I am divorced, living the bachelor life (as much as you can pathetically when you are working 2 jobs and co-parenting 3 boys).
> 
> At what point (if any) do you think it's okay to have a woman over to sleep in my house? We seperated 2 years ago and have been divorced since October 2010.
> 
> ...


You say you co-parent, so you have a few to several nights a week that you don't have your boys and the place is yours to do with anyway you like? Also what age are they? 

I have a 17 year old and when she was young, I was very careful about introducing her to any man I dated, of course I was terrified of those horror stories we all hear about ~ "boyfriend of mother rapes and/or kills daughter" kind of stories  So I just had my fun when she went to stay with other family...

Also, I love 2 and a half men... Will kind of miss Charlie, but Ashton should be able to do it


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

My 3 half men are 14, 8 and 3. Yes, I have them 2-3 overnights/week. . .sometimes schedules don't jive and the subject came up about her sleeping over and when.

She was cool about it - she said she didn't want to horn in on my family time but we were, um, well, you know. . .so the subject came up.

Could she come over after they are asleep and have them just see her leaving in the morning?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't think it's proper for boys or girls to see their parents having people in and out of the bedroom.

"normal male behaviour"? I wouldn't want my sons to behave like that.

Being a parent is difficult. I was a single mom for 7 years and wouldn't let anyone stay the night. My daughter's sense of security and sense of what being a woman means was worth it to me.

Lead by example.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> My 3 half men are 14, 8 and 3. Yes, I have them 2-3 overnights/week. . .sometimes schedules don't jive and the subject came up about her sleeping over and when.
> 
> She was cool about it - she said she didn't want to horn in on my family time but we were, um, well, you know. . .so the subject came up.
> 
> Could she come over after they are asleep and have them just see her leaving in the morning?


2-3 nights a week leave your 4-5 night alone..

Just don't have her stay when the boys are there. It's not too hard. I did it for years.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> My 3 half men are 14, 8 and 3. Yes, I have them 2-3 overnights/week. . .sometimes schedules don't jive and the subject came up about her sleeping over and when.
> 
> She was cool about it - she said she didn't want to horn in on my family time but we were, um, well, you know. . .so the subject came up.
> 
> Could she come over after they are asleep and have them just see her leaving in the morning?


Your original post sounded like you were asking about a slew of women coming over for sleepovers  You're specifically asking about one right now... That changes my original post because I was referring to men that were simply f buddies for me back in my dating years. I would think that so long as there's nothing in your parenting plan that prevents you from having the opposite sex sleep over and you trust her around your children, then I think it's all good at anytime. Just keep the noise down


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> "normal male behaviour"? I wouldn't want my sons to behave like that.


Well of course not. All moms secretly think their sons are never going to have sex and not be pigs like their father obviously is because they are good boys and they probably got the "non-pig" gene from you, their mother.

Only it never works out that way. 

Eventually all men become pigs.

And all women become their mothers. 

I'm just busting your chops a bit - actually, it's refreshing to see a conservative viewpoint now and again.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

I agree that you should lead by example. How did you behave as a young man? Did you have sex before marriage? Did you regret it, or turn out ok? In other words, set a good example, but don't be a hypocrite. I'm not suggesting the conservatives did this, just saying you should lead by what you actually did, not necessarily by an unattainable standard. I believe my son has gone too far in the direction of conservative, and has made himself a target for unscrupulous women with loose standards, because he holds only himself to these standards, not his crushes.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Cherry said:


> Your original post sounded like you were asking about a slew of women coming over for sleepovers  You're specifically asking about one right now... That changes my original post because I was referring to men that were simply f buddies for me back in my dating years. I would think that so long as there's nothing in your parenting plan that prevents you from having the opposite sex sleep over and you trust her around your children, then I think it's all good at anytime. Just keep the noise down


I was divorced for 7 years before remarriage. I've had 2 men sleep over - one was BF of 3 years and the other my now H. I don't disagree with sex before marriage I disagree with sex before love. I lived what I wanted to teach my children. If others believe differently, that's their perogative, and so is what they teach their children. I had my children 99 percent of the time. Also, these 'sleepovers' were men my kids knew for almost a year before the 'sleepovers' started. Their first time meeting them wasn't staggering out of the bedroom after a romp.
Depends how you raised your kids. If you follow the bible and believe in abstinence before marriage, then your kids would drop dead at the thought of an overnight guest. If your home treats sex with respect but a little more relaxed about it, they probably wouldn't even bat an eye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nada (Aug 20, 2011)

that_girl said:


> 2-3 nights a week leave your 4-5 night alone..
> 
> Just don't have her stay when the boys are there. It's not too hard. I did it for years.


:iagree:

I guess it depends if you have introduced your GF to the kids or not. If you and your GF feel confident it is going to last for some time (years), then you introduce her to your kids right? Then after some time it is ok that she stay over?

:smthumbup:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm not against sex before marriage.

Nor would I expect my sons to never have sex. 

I would just hope they respect the women they are having sex with.

I dated a man a little over a year before he met my child. 

I have dated quite a few men who never met my child.

I dated 2 men who never knew I had a child.


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