# Hotwife confusion?



## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

My best friend is in what I call an empty marriage. He has said it himself that they are more like roommates than spouses. There's no affection from her, and he is rebuffed all the time. She lords over him and forbids him from doing hobbies or activities she herself isn't interested in. He's told me he "can't remember the last time I had sex." He's also said they have openly and calmly considered divorce.

I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.

With the condition of his marriage, and the constant joking about their "relationship," my wife had a time where she felt sorry for him and thought she should "do something" for him. This pretty much freaked everybody out, but not in the same way. Wife was freaked because she didn't want to cheat on me but with all the joking didn't know if I was serious about anything and didn't necessarily feel attracted to Friend but wanted to hell the situation. Friend didn't want to ruin our marriage, his and my friendship (dates back to kindergarten, and we're in our 30s), or his and her friendship, considering the 3 of us is about as big as our individual circle of friends goes. We are kind of pathetic like that...

I don't know what I feel. I don't want to ruin anything we've got, but I'm kind of turned on by the idea of a threesome. Wife is a rock star in the bedroom, even at 8 months preggo, and in a way I want to show her off. The weirdest thing is, if we were to do something like that, as long as I was involved, I don't think I would be upset. If I weren't involved, that would be a problem, but with me there, it really sounds like a turn on. 

Friend and I have always been closer than brothers, very similar personalities and interests. Considering this concept with any other guy but him is uncomfortable. Wife and I have talked about it. She's shy about the entire concept but I think she's open to it. Friend thinks it would eventually ruin one friendship or another. Wife is also against the idea of "returning the favor" and having a threesome with another female. She's still somewhat insecure.

I just don't know what to think anymore. Am I weird?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I would close that door and lock it, the only thing that will come out of this is lost friendship and marriage. 

Regardless of how much you trust them or how long you been friends, it will mess up one or both relationship, and if you and this guy are so close would that be like sleeping with your brother? 

IMPO I would forget it and never bring it up, why would your wife feel the need to give pity sex your friend? Why does your friend need pity sex? Play with fire and you will eventually get burned is a true concept.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

[I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.]


You are very naive and these "I trust them" are famous last words. A lot of affairs start with a close friendship

You need to read Not Just Friends. 

It's your life if you want to screw it up go ahead.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

They're already doing it. But she wants you to sanction it.


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> They're already doing it. But she wants you to sanction it.


No way. He wouldn't do it, she wouldn't do it. She can't lie to save her life, and with the way she was freaked out when we talked about it a few months ago, just, no way.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> My best friend is in what I call an empty marriage. He has said it himself that they are more like roommates than spouses. There's no affection from her, and he is rebuffed all the time. She lords over him and forbids him from doing hobbies or activities she herself isn't interested in. He's told me he "can't remember the last time I had sex." He's also said they have openly and calmly considered divorce.
> 
> I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.
> 
> ...


She's against the idea of returning a favor that you are actively pushing her to accept?

She hasn't asked you for a threesome. You are the one asking her to do it. There'd be no favor to return. 

Your friend is against the idea. Your wife is against the idea. Having a threesome might not ruin your marriage or your friendship, but your pushing everyone into it probably will. 

BTW, I'm pretty sure this is the old "I let you bang Jimmy, now I get to bang Darla" play.


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

I'm not pushing for anything. We've discussed it, trying to figure out what to do about all this. Nobody's pushed for anything. And she's the one that brought up "returning the favor."


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

One gets what one deserves. If you have a brain in your head, then let your best friend unload his wife and find another woman (not your) and have a good life. Leave all that fantasy crap in your head where it belongs.


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

Never, ever let another man, live in your house or into your bed with your wife.

Repeat and Rinse.

(Really, can you be that stupid?)


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> They're already doing it. But she wants you to sanction it.


I don't like the sound of it. Did anyone ask the other wife what she thinks about it? How she behaves may not be tops but that may be the sort of home she grew up in and she may not even realize that their relationship is at risk. If she knew what her husband was thinking she may want to fix the issues. 

I know your wife is still unsure about it but still I think it is a little egotistical to consider that it would be any of her business to help him. Let another woman be a floozy and help him if he wants to be a dirt ball. It doesn't have to be your wife. But it sounds like he is the most unsure of it of the three of you and that maybe you and your wife are just enjoying exploring your sexuality. 

I think you and your wife would be good friends to them if you'd encourage the husband to work on their relationship. 

The whole threesome things seems a little immature and...sure...fun...and I understand mature adults go to swingers clubs BUT...I would see that as deciding to demote your marriage to a different level. 

After all I've seen in my life I would chose the wholesome path. You will both respect each other a lot more for it.

(I'm in my 30s too...and sorry the quote I quoted wasn't really relevant to my response)


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## lifecolorful (Oct 5, 2015)

If having a one night stand with your dude-buddy and wife thrills you more than having sex with your wife for years to come, go right ahead. 

You are objectifying your wife when you say you want to "show her off." While this may flatter her in some way, ultimately it will lead to her feeling used.

We all have fantasies, you're not weird. But, most of us are smart enough to imagine the following day and years to come if we were to act on these fantasies. 

I think you'll end your friendship and your marriage fast if you choose to see how your fantasy will play out. 

Also, others posters are on to something when they say your wife and friend are just asking for you to sanction their romantic relationship.


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea. I'm the one still considering it.

I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea. I'm the one still considering it.
> 
> I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


I think the feelings you are having are normal but like some people on here said they would probably be better kept as fantasy. My former spouse used to say he wanted a threesome with a guy because he wanted to see me pleased to where I just couldn't take it anymore and he talked like it was a genuine feeling.

And yes the thought went through my mind...does he really just want to turn it around and have another girl one day? umm...would this be with a friend of his? umm...why? ? why does he think he doesn't please me enough on his own? 

Are you happy the way things are or do you feel like you want more? You can have a hot wife and still be missing something in a relationship.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

This is a terrible idea for many reasons.

You would be much better off paying for a professional for your friend, if you are that concerned about his sex life.

But it is also a terrible idea for your friend and your wife to spend time alone together. You never know what is going to happen in such a case.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea.
> 
> I'm the one still considering it.
> 
> I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


Did you think about why that is?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

No One here is trying to insult you, what we are trying to do is wake you up from the idea of sharing your wife with your brother friend. Your feelings are not weird, both men and women have fantasies and that is what they are.

The way your post sound is that you are all for going with the 3 some and they are not, which is why I told you to close the door and lock it. It will ruin everything you have regardless of how much you all 3get a long. This friend needs to get a divorce and move on if he is so unhappy, maybe you can have him come to this forum for support.

My advice is still close the door and lock it, get the 3 some with your friend and wife out of your head. Focus on the friendship and focus on the baby you are having.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

His life is empty, allowing him into your bedroom will result in your wife leaving you for him. He will be posting a thread "betrayed my best friend ...."

You and your wife need to detach from him. The only thing the three of you should discuss is how he should divorce his wife. After filing you should only try to set him up. Note I said "you". I mean only you, your wife needs to work though you to get him to a better place.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Wife is 8 months pregnant, how long have they been hanging out alone?


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> My best friend is in what I call an empty marriage. He has said it himself that they are more like roommates than spouses. There's no affection from her, and he is rebuffed all the time. She lords over him and forbids him from doing hobbies or activities she herself isn't interested in. He's told me he "can't remember the last time I had sex." He's also said they have openly and calmly considered divorce.
> 
> I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.
> 
> ...


playing with fire here.

some, maybe even most swingers would tell you never play with long time friends


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" 



A Midsummer Nights Dream


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

If things go south remember creating this toxic swample is on you, the debt is your's to pay.

Her adultery is on her, it will be her debt and her's to pay. 

Don't ever confuse the two.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea. I'm the one still considering it.
> 
> I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


My 2 cents. You have said your W doesn't like the idea. Listen to her and honor her wishes as she is your wife.

The guy is still "married." Urge him to get a divorce. After he is divorced may I suggest couple of things. 

First encourage him to go to a Nevada legal brothel and get his bell rung properly by some skilled women who will not humiliate him to his face and boost his confidence level. (Yes, they will take his money and probably think of him as a looser, but won't say it to his face as they want his money.) Then work with your wife to set him up on blind dates with nice women. This last action would enhance his happiness on a long term basis as opposed to a quick romp in the sack with your wife.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> My best friend is in what I call an empty marriage. He has said it himself that they are more like roommates than spouses. There's no affection from her, and he is rebuffed all the time. She lords over him and forbids him from doing hobbies or activities she herself isn't interested in. He's told me he "can't remember the last time I had sex." He's also said they have openly and calmly considered divorce.
> 
> I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.
> 
> ...


If you're going to think with your libido then at least add some logic the the equation. The three of you know he needs intimacy as much as he needs sex and intimacy is the biggest part of what makes people fall in love with each other. Also he is married so does he have permission from his wife to mess around? If not then he needs to work toward a divorce before doing anything with another woman. It's just common sense that cheating is not a nice thing to do.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea. I'm the one still considering it.
> 
> I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


Look, Stuck.

Before you get upset at the hurtful things being said, look at your situation from the outside.

You have a steady and honorable job. You have a wife whom you find attractive and sexually satisfying. You have a baby due in a month or so. You have a long-term friend in a miserable marriage, which should just make you count your own blessings that much more.

To those of us whom you are asking for advice and opinions from, it looks like you have a very good life that you are bound and determined to completely screw up.

TAM is not a great venue to get information on how to be a swinger. It's not the "thing" here, although there are a few members who engage in that stuff, that post here. (I am not one of them).

From what I have been able to glean, just about the most important things in that lifestyle are trust and open communication. So, when you state that 2 of the 3 interested parties have clearly communicated that they are not interested, it seems like you should take the hint and get over it.

The idea of seeing another man putting he penis in your wife may seem like a really exciting fantasy. The reality is not nearly as much fun (no, I do not speak from direct experience, here).

But it's your life, and your results may vary.

Look at it on the bright side- you already let them be alone all the time. You have poor marital boundaries, and by telling your wife that you want her to have sex with other men, you're effectively telling her that you don't values her for her sexuality or her loyalty.

I think she'll come around to having sex with your friend, eventually. Just not when you're there.

You should really spend some time contemplating the path you are starting down, here.


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

Again with the assumptions. I'm not "bound and determined to screw up my life."

I'm trying to figure out how to get these ideas out of my head so I can stop thinking about it.

My wife is not having an affair. She's not going to have an affair. I know this, because, unlike you all, I know all parties involved. My friend would not do that because a) that's not his way of things, b) there's too much respect between us, and c) he knows he wouldn't survive the aftermath. We both served in the military. His speciality was mechanical. Mine was a lot more.... bloody.

After more thought and some talking with the wife, we agree that nothing will happen between us. Just too much at risk.

As far as him having permission from his wife to mess around, that's pretty much irrelevant at this point. He's been trying to improve things for years, but if he mentions anything to her she rails at him about there being nothing wrong with their marriage. And to give you an idea of how she is, she forbade him from buying a handgun, because she doesn't like guns. (For the record, he was enlisted when she married him...) Like, went bat**** crazy on him when he put money down on one. Then, 2 or 3 months later, she decided she wanted to be a park ranger and signed up for NRA pistol basics class because it was a requirement.

He agrees he needs to leave. He's just afraid to make it happen.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

The idea is just too much disrespect toward your wife. Don't you think?


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

anchorwatch said:


> The idea is just too much disrespect toward your wife. Don't you think?


I don't think it's disrespect, as she's open to the idea of a threesome, but she wouldn't do it with a stranger and doing it with a friend is a bad idea.

I just need to figure out how to get the idea out of my head.


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I just need to figure out how to get the idea out of my head.


Hmm well first go to the gym with your friend and take a shower together and see how that feels.  And now I can just have that image stuck in my head. 

Really though think of what it would feel like to be..umm..intimate with him there too? does that leave you with a good feeling? It's not just gonna be you and her. There will be a dude there. 

If you really are honest about wanting the fantasy out of your head start taking her out of the picture and imagine the other part of the equation you will be ... naked with. 

But I don't think having fantasies is always a bad thing so...just like people here said...just keep it in your head!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> My best friend is in what I call an empty marriage. He has said it himself that they are more like roommates than spouses. There's no affection from her, and he is rebuffed all the time. She lords over him and forbids him from doing hobbies or activities she herself isn't interested in. He's told me he "can't remember the last time I had sex." He's also said they have openly and calmly considered divorce.
> 
> I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.
> 
> ...


More like a couple of friendships.

And marriages.



Stuckinthebathroom said:


> *Wife is also against the idea of "returning the favor" and having a threesome with another female.* She's still somewhat insecure.


LOL. Of course she is.



Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I just don't know what to think anymore. *Am I weird?*


Yes.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Wife is 8 months pregnant, how long have they been hanging out alone?


LOL... I know, right?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I don't think it's disrespect, as she's open to the idea of a threesome, but she wouldn't do it with a stranger and doing it with a friend is a bad idea.
> 
> I just need to figure out how to get the idea out of my head.


continuing to obsess over something she doesn't want to do in reality is a disrespect to her as a person and to your marriage.

If you want to get the idea out of your head, get the idea out of your head. It's really that easy. Instead of indulging in fantasy and thoughts of this threeway, you immediately start thinking of something else. Eventually, you'll think of this threeway less and less frequently until it disappears altogether. 

As long as you are nurturing these thoughts in any way, you'll keep thinking about it.


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

Even when you quote it, it seems you haven't read it.

I never should have come here.


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

It seems like there is more going on with you. Is it not just about taking care of your friend but more about what you are struggling with in your mind?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I don't think it's disrespect, as she's open to the idea of a threesome, but she wouldn't do it with a stranger and doing it with a friend is a bad idea.
> 
> I just need to figure out how to get the idea out of my head.


Which idea are you trying to get out of your head. ...your wife engaged in sexual activity, or your friend? How much of this fantasy actually involves your wife and how much actually involves your friend?

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I'm sorry none of us here can tell you what you want to hear, if you want us to tell you heck yeah go have a 3 some with you friend and wife it probably won't happen on this forum. 

I'm not sure why you can't get it out of your head since both of the other parties said no and then you talked to your wife and you both agreed bad idea, move on from this subject all together and put your focus on other things in your life. 

Maybe one of the guys here can give you better idea on how to get it out of your head, but I'm thinking not wanting to ruin your marriage or friendship would be enough but then I'm a women.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I never should have come here.


That was your choice, to come on a marriage board and post about sharing your wife with another man. By your reaction, not researched, or thought through. Impulsive as your particular thoughts of sexual gratification. 

Then again, you may just be putting us on...


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

Here's an article that no joke was just at the top of my news feed when I opened my phone: Thinking About Having A Threesome? Read This First - mindbodygreen.com


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Even when you quote it, it seems you haven't read it.
> 
> I never should have come here.


Your wife has said that she doesn't want to have a threeway with your friend. She may find the idea appealing in the abstract, a lot of people do, but she doesn't want to actually do such a thing.

You find the idea appealing and asked for advice to get the idea out of your mind.

You were given the advice you asked for. The way to get a bothersome thought out of your mind is to not allow yourself to entertain that thought, but to deliberately think of something else until that thought no longer rears it's head.

How is that not having read the posts you've made? What, exactly, are you looking for here?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Again with the assumptions. I'm not "bound and determined to screw up my life."
> 
> I'm trying to figure out how to get these ideas out of my head so I can stop thinking about it.
> 
> ...


Please read at lest 5 threads in the infidelity section of this site. You will find that 90% of the LS are shocked that their partner cheated. The fact that your wife feels enough emotions about this man to talk about him and spends time with him without you speaks volumes. 

Plus, you placed the idea of a sexual encounter in her head. She says no to a threesome but that doesn't mean she says no to a twosome. It's possible that she views him as just a sad sack who needs a mother but I doubt it. It's nice that you trust your wife and can't imagine the possibility that she would cheat. Everybody does. 

Don't count on your friendship with this man. If marriage doesn't stop people from cheating, friendship would be even less of an impediment. Even if there is no cheating, my advice is to drop the talk about having sex with this man or any other, withdraw your agreement for their outings and seriously consider getting help to understand what is going on in your relationship.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Wife is also against the idea of "returning the favor" and having a threesome with another female.


Lol, I think this is what the post is really about. Get the wife to have the threesome with a man first, then afterwards he can say to her, "Well, I let you have one with a man, now I want one with a woman." This has nothing to do with wanting to see her screw another guy because she's so hot in bed. Really OP, just be honest with yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> My best friend is in what I call an empty marriage. He has said it himself that they are more like roommates than spouses. There's no affection from her, and he is rebuffed all the time. She lords over him and forbids him from doing hobbies or activities she herself isn't interested in. He's told me he "can't remember the last time I had sex." He's also said they have openly and calmly considered divorce.
> 
> I've already thought of him as a brother. He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.
> 
> ...


Are you weird for wanting to risk your marriage and family life for some hot wife sex?

Well, are the bears demanding better toilet facilities in the woods?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stuckinthebathroom (Nov 27, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> Stuckinthebathroom said:
> 
> 
> > Wife is also against the idea of "returning the favor" and having a threesome with another female.
> ...


Not at all what this is about, but thanks for your judgement. Clearly you know what I'm thinking better than I do.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'll be on the lookout for "Help! Wife left me after MFM with my best friend...".


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## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Not at all what this is about, but thanks for your judgement. Clearly you know what I'm thinking better than I do.


Hey, you are getting hung up on a few of the responses feeling like you are misunderstood but are any of the messages from people who are asking you if there is something you want to share or talk about getting through to you? 

Is there something about your friend ... you want to help him... or are you just feeling weak because you don't want to have the thoughts you are having about your wife... or maybe you want to just know you are normal. I really think you are totally normal. 

If you want to talk about it or anything else please do.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Not at all what this is about, but thanks for your judgement. Clearly you know what I'm thinking better than I do.


Well, if you not thinking it, then why even mention that your wife said she wouldn't reciprocate? Sounds like it's something you brought up for her to state her boundary.


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## JerryB (Feb 13, 2014)

Even though your wife is killin it in the bedroom at 8 months pregnant, is it true that perhaps things have slowed down during the pregnancy? 8 months can be an eternity in penis-time.
Is this your first child? If so, that's going to be quite the life changer, huh?
Have you gained any weight? Lack of sleep? Couldn't get hard a few times lately? Couldn't stay hard? Prematurely ejaculating?

Fantasies about cuckold or hotwife might arise when there is something wrong in the marriage or bedroom. Possibly subconsciously.

The absolute best way to get rid of these thoughts is to sit your wife down and tell her your concerns. Tell her what you said here. I get that you've had the 'big' discussion, where you brought up the 'deed'. But maybe mentioning how you want to get it out of your head will help her realize you don't really want it to happen either. Which might put to sleep the idea that's growing in her head.. (does my husband really want me to sleep with someone else? Am I not good enough for him? etc)

And then I would ramp up another activity pronto. Perhaps physical exercise, etc.
And if you 2 really do want help your friend, put in some quality effort in getting him divorced. Divorce can be scary. Either find him a place to stay, or a lawyer, or backup money if necessary, etc. Really make it happen. Good luck.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Hello! I don't often venture in here but I have to say that I think it's sad that you regret coming here and feel attacked and judged; I'm sorry you feel that way. This is a bit of an "unconventional" issue you are sharing and undoubtedly it will create strong reactions in others. I don't think anyone here has ill will towards you; so don't let it get you down. 

While what you are considering most definitely would not be my cup of tea, I do think you are quite lucky to have such a close, deep relationship with your wife and your buddy. It sounds like the three of you are very open and honest, which is awesome and precisely why I think you shouldn't pursue this fantasy any further than you have. 

The potential damage to your bond with your wife and your friend is too great...can you really risk fraying the strong ties you have with them for the precarious possibility of fantasy fulfillment? I don't think it's worth it.

I'm heartened to read that you and the missus have decided against doing this with your friend. To me these things always seem better in the abstract and in reality they seem to go tits up (ha!) pretty fast. 

If anything, I think you are helping your friend by not doing this...imagine the guilt and regret he would have to carry if this negatively impacted your marriage. It would eat away at him and he's already in a bad way; don't burden him like this. 



Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I just need to figure out how to get the idea out of my head.


I hope what I'm about to say won't offend you, but if I were you I'd be "disinclined" to pursue this threesome simply because of what it would actually be...a foursome. Given that your wife is 8 months pregnant, I think you need to consider that in this equation. And if that isn't a boner killer, then I don't know what is. 

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and continued health and happiness in your relationships. Take care!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> I'm trying to figure out how to get these ideas out of my head so I can stop thinking about it.


Replace it with the idea of how bad you marriage might end. Then stop looking at porn...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> Replace it with the idea of how bad you marriage might end.


OR, you can put the shoe on the other foot. Imagine it is NOT your wife but instead your friend that has a fantasy of you banging his wife and that he wants to stand right there in the middle of everything and awkwardly wait for you to show him how you rock her world!

awkward.....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea. I'm the one still considering it.
> 
> I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


Get this kink out of your head before it destroys everything. And make sure she and him are not fvcking around behind your back.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I just want to throw out there that I agree with the OP that not every one who has responded fully read what he wrote.

Did you miss the vital piece of information where she (his WIFE) brought up that she wanted to "help" the friend in his sexless marriage by doing something "for him." Then she played the line...oh but I can't cheat on you! This was HER (the WIFE'S) idea.

The wife opened this can of worms. Like some of you mentioned, she may be already doing something with their friend and is now trying to make it acceptable.

I don't like to immediately go out and throw down the cheating card..but there is more at play here than we know.

I am not going to advise one way or the other because I think there is more to this story.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

badsanta said:


> OR, you can put the shoe on the other foot. Imagine it is NOT your wife but instead your friend that has a fantasy of you banging his wife


I mean if there has to be a choice between the two, I'd go with "his wife".


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Personal said:


> While your best friend chooses to remain in a sexless marriage, he will find himself in a sexless marriage. If your best friend finds this unacceptable he will either cheat on his wife and or get a divorce.
> 
> While ever he remains he is consensually choosing to be in a sexless marriage, his sexless marriage is his choice and responsibility not yours. So it isn't your responsibility to help a mate out of a situation he (as proven by his actions) has chosen.



And he won't fix his martial problems (expect perhaps hastening the end of it through an affair) if you give him an excuse.

only do something because it is and of a desireable thing itself, never because "you can justify it"


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything? They arent seeking validation. She and be both think it would be a bad idea. I'm the one still considering it.
> 
> I came here for advice on the feelings I'm having. I got insults and character attacks.


you just spelt out your answer 
if he was single a mmf might be fun, but if its bad it wont be good, and if its good you'll want to repeat until things go bad...

keep it on the fantasy list until hes available and everyones ok (&drunk).

do not obsess over it!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

where_are_we said:


> I just want to throw out there that I agree with the OP that not every one who has responded fully read what he wrote.
> 
> Did you miss the vital piece of information where she (his WIFE) brought up that *she wanted to "help" the friend in his sexless marriage by doing something "for him." Then she played the line...oh but I can't cheat on you! This was HER (the WIFE'S) idea.*
> 
> ...


I thought the same thing when I read the OP. He's seriously confused if he thinks there is no danger of his wife & his friend hooking up behind his back. How many threads have we read of wife and "best" friend affairs. 

Porn is planting these crazy cuckold ideas in to many men's minds. To get off on someone banging your pregnant wife is sick. That's a recipe for divorce. He'll be banging her and telling her, I would never share you. Bang, your marriage is dead. She'll do anything to keep words and that type of intimacy coming

Woman don't want to be shared, gang banged or passed around like party favors. The ones that do it, end up being physiologically damaged. She wants to be treasured. The fact that she brought up doing "something" for the friend, tells me she has already done it or wants to and just wants the blessing. What pregnant woman could even suggest that? One that is checking out.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

This is a weird thread. He keeps screaming people didn't read the thread and apparently forgot what he wrote. I do not know how many stories are on this board where, male or female, the door is opened and the rules/boundaries are eventually broken.



Stuckinthebathroom said:


> Is nobody reading everything?[


I did. These are famous last words on a marriage board:


Stuckinthebathroom said:


> *I've already thought of him as a brother.* He and my wife get along great. We often joke about him being her boyfriend. They sometimes spend time together without me (when I'm on a fire call, mostly) but I* trust them both and have no fear of anything going on behind my back.*





> " *my wife had a time where she felt sorry for him and thought she should "do something" for him*. This pretty much freaked everybody out, but not in the same way. Wife was freaked because she didn't want to cheat on me





> Wife and I have talked about it. *She's shy about the entire concept but I think she's open to it.* Friend thinks it would eventually ruin one friendship or another. *Wife is also against the idea of "returning the favor" and having a threesome with another female.* She's still somewhat insecure.


Yes, it may be all above board, but I am going by what you typed here fresh and unadulterated by emotion and anger. Honestly, your friend is the only one being level headed. 



Stuckinthebathroom said:


> *as she's open to the idea of a threesome,*


So, she set this hamster wheel in your head in motion, set the ground rules, told you who she WOULDN'T do, but everyone else is making assumptions.....? I'd laugh at the irony, but this is a marriage.

When men suggest this exact scenario to their wives, opening the marriage, it is almost always suggested it is a sign of wanting to cheat or already doing so. So, I do find it *VERY INTERESTING *a woman you labeled *"insecure"* and *"shy"* suggested a threesome, even if it may have been a joke.
*
No you shouldn't do it because it may ruin your marriage. *
*
Want the thoughts out of your head: *
Imagine getting sued for alienation of affection.
The town knowing,
Your bff becoming infatuated with your wife. 
Your wife becoming infatuated with him. 
They fall in love.
Raising a kid with 50/50 non-custodial custody. 
Then imagine spending goo gobs of money in alimony and child support, while another man raises your child.
Since you agreed, you wouldn't be able to prove infidelity in one of those states that still has those laws.

Better still, what if he is better than you in bed and your wife realizes what she is missing?


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

jsmart said:


> Woman don't want to be shared, gang banged or passed around like party favors. The ones that do it, end up being physiologically damaged. She wants to be treasured. The fact that she brought up doing "something" for the friend, tells me she has already done it or wants to and just wants the blessing. What pregnant woman could even suggest that? One that is checking out.



Not passed around like party favours... but the number who want to be queen bee, or King ****..... all the attention, gifts, influence, with no commitment...


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

So she is open to letting some other guy f*ck her, shows how high you rank with here. 

What the hell, "Return the favor" What favor is she returning exactly? Do you know what favor he has done for her in the past?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> So she is open to letting some other guy f*ck her, shows how high you rank with here.
> 
> What the hell, "Return the favor" What favor is she returning exactly? Do you know what favor he has done for her in the past?


No, she gets male, male female, but she won't do female female male for him. Kind of neat how it is her suggestion, but she is doing him and his bff favor. 

That's why I said it was interesting she set the ground rules. You know, like the hypocrisy of men coming here wanting a threesome, but flipping out when anyone suggests male male female.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I can't understand why you or your wife think your friends lack of sex in his marriage has anything at all to do with you. He's a big boy and can figure it out on his own. He doesn't need you or your wife to "help him" through this.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

where_are_we said:


> I just want to throw out there that I agree with the OP that not every one who has responded fully read what he wrote.
> 
> Did you miss the vital piece of information where she (his WIFE) brought up that she wanted to "help" the friend in his sexless marriage by doing something "for him." Then she played the line...oh but I can't cheat on you! This was HER (the WIFE'S) idea.
> 
> ...


It missed the part about his wife. They are both equally responsible for this, she planted the seed and he nurtured it. If they were sensible people, they would not have let this infect their relationship. He is smart enough to look for help to kill off the evil spore. 

The OP and his wife may be naive about the fragility of a good and happy relationship. A lot of the people posting know better. Don't expect them to whisper a warning to a person who is about to step in front of a Mac truck.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

jsmart said:


> I thought the same thing when I read the OP. He's seriously confused if he thinks there is no danger of his wife & his friend hooking up behind his back. How many threads have we read of wife and "best" friend affairs.
> 
> Porn is planting these crazy cuckold ideas in to many men's minds. To get off on someone banging your pregnant wife is sick. That's a recipe for divorce. He'll be banging her and telling her, I would never share you. Bang, your marriage is dead. She'll do anything to keep words and that type of intimacy coming
> 
> Woman don't want to be shared, gang banged or passed around like party favors. The ones that do it, end up being physiologically damaged. She wants to be treasured. The fact that she brought up doing "something" for the friend, tells me she has already done it or wants to and just wants the blessing. What pregnant woman could even suggest that? One that is checking out.


Yepper! And the 8 months pregnant....ugh. That's a whole different topic. Do you want to risk the health of your wife and unborn child?

I still think she has already checked out the goods of their friend.

I also second Catherine - they are BOTH responsible for this problem.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Fitnessfan said:


> I can't understand why you or your wife think your friends lack of sex in his marriage has anything at all to do with you. He's a big boy and can figure it out on his own. He doesn't need you or your wife to "help him" through this.


I agree. Still, what bothers me is the wife being "close" and Bff's confidant in sexual and marriage matters. I'd be real worried if a guy, even a friend, was confiding in my wife about a sexless marriage. The two guys talking about things is cool to an certain extent yet, he is a friend who is encouraging his friend to cheat. Notice, there is no mention of cheating in his posts. Well, except his wife won't do it with out his approval, because she doesn't want to cheat. 

My problem is, sex with them doesn't fix BFF's marriage.

All three need better boundaries with each other. I actually feel bad for BFF's wife. How many times do we read stories where the spouse is lying and the betrayed has no clue it was this bad?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Found this article about the effect of obsessive sexual fantasy on the brain and sex life as well as how to take control of it, so it doesn't ruin your sex life.

Sexual Fantasy: The More You Scratch the More You Itch | Your Brain On Porn


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