# How to talk to BPD H about divorce



## pale-blue-eyes (Jul 27, 2012)

I'm so frustrated right now, basically my BPD husband has convinced himself that I am having an affair (which I am not and don't even do anything suspicious) packed up his stuff and left. I don't know how to handle this situation. I basically just let him pack up and leave because I knew if I started to say anything I was going to get out of control real quick. I try to stay calm but when I'm being accused of having an affair that I didn't have (and he is convinced it happened) I get very upset. I knew that at that time I was going to see red and do things that I'd regret. 
Basically I expect he will come back sometime today to call me more names and emotionally abuse me some more and get more of his stuff and blame it all on me. How do I deal with this? How do I approach it, what do I say? I don't want a divorce but he's not letting up and the more I try to talk to him the meaner and nastier his words become. I'm so hurt and he doesn't care, he's willing to throw away the past 9 years for nothing and not even have a second thought about it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

This is the same husband who's convinced there's bugs everywhere too, right?

You don't reason with someone like that. If you could, he wouldn't think there's bugs everywhere or that you're having an affair. Talk to a lawyer if you can, find out how to protect yourself legally, and let him go. If you need to, don't hesitate to contact the police and get a restraining order against him. Your husband is mentally ill and while it would be great to be able to help him heal, you have to protect yourself first. It may seem hard-hearted and cruel, but short of having him committed somewhere, you can't do much to help. I guess you could try to be non-confrontational as much as possible without contributing to his delusions. 

I don't recall all the details, but does he have family around? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pale-blue-eyes (Jul 27, 2012)

Ya same husband , 
No he doesn't really have family around, his mom is BPD too and they don't get along. 
I have a hard time staying calm during these types of altercations but staying in the other room and not saying anything doesn't seem to be doing me any good either (hes just packing up whatever he feels he's entilted to for his pain, time, etc) so I don't want him taking all my stuff. 
Any suggestions on how to not completely blow up but not have to isolate myself either. I feel like I'm letting him walk all over me when I'm sitting in the other room helpless to do anything.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He's not rational. Things that seem logical and reasonable to us may not make sense to him. Call the cops if you're concerned he'll damage or take "your" stuff. Otherwise, it's just "stuff". You can document what he took and try to recover it or its value later. 

You should probably be setting up your own bank account ASAP and locking away half your money in that. Again, protect yourself. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stedfin (Apr 14, 2012)

Consider yourself lucky that he left on his own.

When you file for divorce make sure you request sole occupancy of the home so he can't waltz back in whenever he wants to.


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