# Am I a piece of ****



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

First: I can't believe I am posting anything like this for all to see but I figure someone has to be in a similar situation. 

Here it goes. 

About me: I am 39 years old live in Dallas and I have been married to my wife for 14 years. She is 32 years old and we have a beautiful daughter who is 3. We live in a nice neighborhood, I have a boat, a mustang, a truck, minivan and plenty of other Remote Control Toys etc. I am self employed and run two businesses. But at the same time I am drowning in Debt but that is another matter. 

The story: I met my wife believe it or not on Yahoo Chat back when it was around 16 years ago. We met at Starbucks and then went back to her place. We got into the spa and it was time to make my move. She told me NO. I had slept with every girl I had gone on a date with except her. I knew she was a keeper and I couldn't let this one go. So 14 years later here I am married with a 3 year old. But sometimes I think what did I do. 

The current situation is this. I just don't feel like hanging out with my wife at all. I don't want to sit next to her, I don't want to have sex with her, (we are supposed to be trying for another child) I don't want to go anywhere with her, (would rather ask a friend or take my daughter) and sometimes don't even want to be bothered by her. But this comes and goes. I am bi-polar and add and I am sure this has something to do with it. So I might feel this way for a while and then not later. She asked me today where we are in our marriage and I just wanted to blurt out all this stuff to get it off my chest but what if I don't feel that way in a month. Then I will have hurt her and said some things I could never take back. Now you are probably wondering what I would say. HA well that depends on the moment. But as of this morning this is what I would have said. I am just going to put it all out there. 

You really want to know: Sometimes you drive me crazy. I ask you not to leave dirty hygiene products laying around or put a lid on the trash if you do and you don't do it. You know I am ocd about that stuff and it grosses me out. How many times do I have to tell you this and then you want to come in here and ask if we can have sex cause it's ovulation time, like really. You are so lazy around the houses and it drives me crazy. You said you were going to put all these clothes out for a garage sale. You dumped all the bags out of the attic and let them just sit underneath the stairs of the attic for 2 weeks. Why did you even go up there. I couldn't even get my car in the garage and your just sitting on the couch doing nothing when that needs to be taken care of and I had already asked you to do it 2 times. Your family is so disrespectful and you know I can't stand them. Yet when you ask that we go out and do something you always ask if your sister or dad can come. I just take myself out of going all together because obviously you can't seem to get it through your head after 14 years that I can't stand your family. Your dad is down right rude to me and your sister thinks she owns everything at our house and just takes it and then she just goes off on me about something that is none of her business in the first place but you told her. The girl is 29 years old, a pot head, on pills and X, lives at home but is *****ing to me about my life with you. So she is not allowed over yet you still say well she could watch our child for a while. Like what is wrong with you. Did you not here me tell you I don't like your sister or your dad and I don't want them over. 

My wife: She is really one of the greatest people you will ever meet when it comes to be being there for you and this is not a joke. She works at a preschool with kids. She just loves kids. She was a school teacher for a while as well. She will get up on a moments notice to go help someone who don't even deserve it. She extends a hand to people in need all the time. Even to me when I know I don't deserve it and makes me feel like **** that I am not the same way to her. But I don't want to fake it. 

On the Real though: This is what I think. I have never told her this. My wife has no friends. She does not know how to get friends or keep them. So to me that affects my marriage. If you can't get and keep friends how do you expect to keep a marriage running. I have not attraction to you as a friend. To me you are boring. Just taking you out with other married couples they don't seem to call us back or my friends say hey is your wife coming cause she drives them crazy. Laughs loud, talks loud, constantly apologizing. Does not smoke weed, little drinking, gluten free but she has to be but still. It's like a rainy cloud following me around all the time. 

I know what you are thinking. If you don't like her then leave her. So why don't I? 
* I can not be alone. I have separation anxiety or something
* I love her but I am not in love with her
* What message would this send to my daughter
* I might leave her and regret it and there is no coming back from that
* The minute I decided to leave her I would want her back
* I could never stand to see her with another man knowing I lost her or tossed her aside
* She truly cares for me and I would never want to hurt her like that. 

There are 2 sides to every story and I can just give you her side of the story and then we will get to why I am posting this message. 

She says I don't do anything with her and that is true. I can't sit through a movie I am super bored. I don't want to go to your family's house for 2 days and spend the night. I want to go for 4 or 5 hours tops and lets go home. I don't want to take care of our child when she is sick. (I can't though cause I work) I am in debt, I owe her almost $10k that she let me borrow earlier this year. I went on 2 vacations this year without her because she couldn't get off work. I could go on and on

The Question: My wife asked me this morning where do we stand with our marriage? It has been asked of me several times. To me we are best friends living under the same roof and we have a kid. We come home to each other and talk about our days and sometimes we have sex. That's it. 

1. So should I answer this questions or put it off? It does always seem to get better so why not just delay saying anything.
2. Do I be honest when it could truly end my marriage or hurt one or both of us? 
3. Do I need to just take a break from marriage all together and see how I feel?


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

You sound horrible. 

Your wife is not your best friend that you live with, no one would do and say the things you do about a friend. 

Divorce her so she can find someone else.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> My wife: She is really one of the greatest people you will ever meet when it comes to be being there for you and this is not a joke. She works at a preschool with kids. She just loves kids. She was a school teacher for a while as well. She will get up on a moments notice to go help someone who don't even deserve it. She extends a hand to people in need all the time. Even to me when I know I don't deserve it and makes me feel like **** that I am not the same way to her. But I don't want to fake it.


Then



Ahusband said:


> My wife has no friends. She does not know how to get friends or keep them. So to me that affects my marriage. If you can't get and keep friends how do you expect to keep a marriage running


But before you wrote this



Ahusband said:


> Sometimes you drive me crazy. I ask you not to leave dirty hygiene products laying around or put a lid on the trash if you do and you don't do it. You know I am ocd about that stuff and it grosses me out. How many times do I have to tell you this and then you want to come in here and ask if we can have sex cause it's ovulation time, like really. You are so lazy around the houses and it drives me crazy.


You contradict yourself in the very next paragraph so either you don't know what you're writing about or the problem isn't her but you.

So which one is it, a crazy person who leaves dirty hygiene products around the house but is the greatest person who helps people at the drop of a hat and love kids but has no friends and can't keep friends?

Your story structure is slightly muddled.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

As for my long answer-

Stop going on vacations when you're in debt. Why did you need to take 2 vacations without your wife in the first place? 

Stop hanging out with couples who think you're wife isn't cool cause she doesn't smoke pot or drink 

Stop acting like a child because a woman has pads in the trash can 

You spend no time with her, don't watch your own child when she is sick 

You're not mature enough for a relationship. You need to grow up before you can be with anyone but having bi-polar and ADD will make things difficult. Go on meds, stay in therapy and let your wife find someone more suitable


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

I can see your side of this. Your wife is not taking your concerns seriously as she should.

For example her not taking care of the hygiene products is unacceptable. Your request is more than reasonable.

One of the reasons that you are falling out of love with her is that the two of you are not spending quality time together. Spending time with her family is NOT quality time. The two of you need to spend time together, just the two of you.

There are two books that I think would really help you. "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" (see links in my signature block below). Read them in that order.

The books will give you a good idea of what is reasonable for you ask and talk about.

For example her refusal to put dirty hygine products in the trash and to put the lid on is a "love buster". Things like that are called "love busters" because they bust your love, or lead to you falling out of love. And I'll bet she can list some things that you do that are love busters for her.

You two do not know how to talk about your "love busters", your needs and negotiate. Hopefully the books will teach you that.

I suggest that you read the books first so that you learn a new way of talking about all this stuff. Then you sit her down and tell her that you love her but you think that your marriage is in trouble and you want her to work on it with you. Then ask her to read the books and read through them with you.

I don't think you are a piece of ****. I think you have very reasonable concerns and your wife is not showing you much respect in relation to your concerns.

{by the way, don't use cutesy spellings for curse words here on TAM. Instead just spell them out. Our provanity filter will filter them out with "****"}


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Umm. I am kind of hung up on the fact you were trying to have sex with a 16 year old when you were 23.

Maybe you should count yourself lucky and get your head examined.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

My wife is a great person. She puts everyone first. This is true. But that does not equal a best friend or a great wife. My wife didn't have any friends when I met her. She was a dork in High School but I didn't go to her high school. I was just the opposite. People she thinks are her friends only call her when they need something. There sick, need a ride to work. Other than that they don't call to go and do anything. I know why they don't. It is hard to connect with my wife. Some people just have those people skills and some people don't. 

I do think some of the problem is with me. I won't deny that. OCD, ADD a little bi-polar sometimes but I also feel that my wife could do some simpler things like putting that stuff away cause I don't like it. How hard is that. I mean 14 years now and you still do it. One time our dogs got into. The house smelled so bad and I almost threw up. I was pissed. This never would have happened in the first place. I had been saying all along. But I don't say anything anymore cause what good does that do.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> As for my long answer-
> 
> Stop going on vacations when you're in debt. Why did you need to take 2 vacations without your wife in the first place?
> 
> ...


I was no in debt when I went on Vacation 2 times at the beginning of the year. I am self employed and we had a major setback about 4 months ago that put me in debt. I took my mom and daughter on the first vacation and my cousin on the second one. I can't help it if she can't get off work. I am not supposed to go do anything because she has to work? 

Stop hanging out with couples that don't like my wife: Well this started in church first. People would invite us over and I would connect great with the husband but my wife could never connect with the wife or wives. Then she joined some mother groups and that didn't work out. She has tried a lot of things and just can not connect with people on that level. I think she either tries to hard or comes off as a dork I don't know. As for the drinking and smoking I was only saying that she is a goody goody. She has gotten much better with this though over the past few years and at least will drink and have a good time but that is not always a good thing either. 

I personally don't think I am acting like a child and asking you to put up your pads. What if I wiped my ass everyday and put it in the trash instead of the toilet. Would you look in the trash and say I love my husband he is so cute. I know it is normal for women but I also know that for myself I can't stand it and just want you to put at least a lid on it. So when I am in the small water closet I don't feel like I am breathing in vagina. I mean because it does smell whether you know it or not. Our bathroom is huge but the water closet is so small and it stinks. 

I don't spend time with her because she boring to me and always bringing her family along. Her family is very toxic. There so toxic I can't even put it on here. 

I never wanted kids. Took me 8 years till I decided to just give in because it was not fair for me to hold out on her when she loves kids so much. My daughter is the best thing that happened to me. I watch her when she sick if I can but I run 2 business. I can't just call in sick to work. I have asked her to find someone that she can call if our daughter is sick but she never does it. Instead just gets upset when I can't get off work or her dad has to watch her.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



EleGirl said:


> I can see your side of this. Your wife is not taking your concerns seriously as she should.
> 
> For example her not taking care of the hygiene products is unacceptable. Your request is more than reasonable.
> 
> ...


Our marriage counselor actually mentioned the book his needs her needs. It has been about 5 years and I can't remember if we read them or not. Oh she would would have a ton of love busters I don't do for her. I could probably list them all. Shoot now that you said it I am going to try and think of what they are. I didn't know about the spelling thing. I will just spell it out now. Thanks for the info.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> We live in a nice neighborhood, I have a boat, a mustang, a truck, minivan ...


LOL. A minivan? You must be quite the chick magnet out on the open road. Maybe you can find someone with a Members Only jacket who'll take it off your hands for you for a couple hundred bucks to help toward paying down your debt.



> 3. Do I need to just take a break from marriage all together and see how I feel?


I think you need to take a break from humanity.



> She was a dork in High School but I didn't go to her high school.


I guess you'd know what she was like as a Sophomore in high school - since you were sniffing around her as a 23 year old *adult*. 



> I do think some of the problem is with me.


How magnanimous of you to admit that maybe it's 'partly' your fault.



> 80/20 on this one, leaning towards "it must be school holidays again. Today 05:07 PM


Me too. But the comment about having a lame minivan dragged me in, dammit.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

You said in your other thread that you prefer to think women don't "do" stuff like have periods and poop. 

What are you doing for your OCD and other issues? The ADD and bi-polar? 

You are immature and you need to be dealing with your mental health issues with your dr. 

You should plan vacations when your wife can go, not with your cousin. 

You don't go on $10,000 worth of vacation if you don't have enough of an emergency fund to cover you if your business has a rough time. 

You said you are drowning in debt.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



ConanHub said:


> Umm. I am kind of hung up on the fact you were trying to have sex with a 16 year old when you were 23.
> 
> Maybe you should count yourself lucky and get your head examined.


NO NO. I might have the times wrong but she was a freshman in college when I met her she had just started and had just graduated highschool. She is 6 or 7 years younger than me.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> You said in your other thread that you prefer to think women don't "do" stuff like have periods and poop.
> 
> What are you doing for your OCD and other issues? The ADD and bi-polar?
> 
> ...


I will be the first to admit I make quick decisions and when I get my mind set on something I just do it. A friend of mine in West Palm offered to let me stay at her hotel for just $60 a night. I couldn't pass it up so me and my cousin drove down there. This is not even a hotel like a resort. My cousin and I split everything. We stayed a week and I think it was less than $500. As for my business it runs itself but some things changed real fast when Trump came in and it sent my business into a downward spiral because all my employees are hispanic. 

I had not been taking meds for years because it was all borderline that I needed to. I might have bi-polar but it may affect me once or twice out of the year. But over the last 5 years it has gotten worse and I have been on meds every since. 

I am immature in some ways I would agree with that. I have no self control at all at times. I might see a bowling ball I want jump in the car and go get it. One day I came home with a Mustang. Just went out and bought it. Don't regret it either cause I love it but my wife didn't want me getting it. So yeah I have my own issues. 

The vacations have been the worst thing. I don't like to plan vacations. Running my own business I can only go when things are running smooth. A few years ago we planned to go on a cruise. When it came time to go my business was a mess. We had employees calling in sick, the manager in the office quit and I had to go on a cruise that I didn't want to go on because I had stuff at work to take care of. So guess what. I went on the cruise, had a miserable time and at one point I really wanted to jump off that that ship.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> You said in your other thread that you prefer to think women don't "do" stuff like have periods and poop.
> 
> What are you doing for your OCD and other issues? The ADD and bi-polar?
> 
> ...


Yes I am drowning in debt this year. But this is just part of owning businesses. I can take a minor hit here and there but loosing employees, no amount of money can fix that problem.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I was no in debt when I went on Vacation 2 times at the beginning of the year. I am self employed and we had a major setback about 4 months ago that put me in debt. I took my mom and daughter on the first vacation and my cousin on the second one. I can't help it if she can't get off work. I am not supposed to go do anything because she has to work?


Why can't you plan vacations when she does get time off from work?



Ahusband said:


> Stop hanging out with couples that don't like my wife: Well this started in church first. People would invite us over and I would connect great with the husband but my wife could never connect with the wife or wives. Then she joined some mother groups and that didn't work out. She has tried a lot of things and just can not connect with people on that level. I think she either tries to hard or comes off as a dork I don't know. As for the drinking and smoking I was only saying that she is a goody goody. She has gotten much better with this though over the past few years and at least will drink and have a good time but that is not always a good thing either.


You clearly do not really like your wife. 



Ahusband said:


> I personally don't think I am acting like a child and asking you to put up your pads. What if I wiped my ass everyday and put it in the trash instead of the toilet. Would you look in the trash and say I love my husband he is so cute. I know it is normal for women but I also know that for myself I can't stand it and just want you to put at least a lid on it. So when I am in the small water closet I don't feel like I am breathing in vagina. I mean because it does smell whether you know it or not. Our bathroom is huge but the water closet is so small and it stinks.


I am 100% with you on the dirty female hygiene products. Not property throwing them away is unacceptable.

I


Ahusband said:


> don't spend time with her because she boring to me and always bringing her family along. Her family is very toxic. There so toxic I can't even put it on here.


Basically, you don’t really like your wife. That’s the bottom line. What did the two of you do together before, when you thought you were in-love with her?

The trick is to find one or two things that the two of you enjoy and do them together. For example the two of you lean to scuba dive. Then go on scuba diving trips together. I have friends who did this. They have great vacations together every year to go diving. Or take dancing classes together and do that. Just find something, learn it together and make it part of your life.



Ahusband said:


> I never wanted kids. Took me 8 years till I decided to just give in because it was not fair for me to hold out on her when she loves kids so much. My daughter is the best thing that happened to me. I watch her when she sick if I can but I run 2 business. I can't just call in sick to work. I have asked her to find someone that she can call if our daughter is sick but she never does it. Instead just gets upset when I can't get off work or her dad has to watch her.


Why don’t you find someone to help take care of your daughter when she is sick? Why does your wife have to do this? She’s your daughter too.


----------



## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

OP, your threads sound a little like mine. Read mine. I got some good advice, put it into action and things are quickly working themselves out for us, . 

First of all, I don't think you're an ******* at all. I think you're at a stage in your marriage and in your life in which you don't like certain things the way they are anymore. You're looking for some change... Some evolution... It's OK to want her to be tidier and more motivated and more social. None of your requests are out of this world, BUT you have to keep in mind that this is who she is. You married her like this. If it was good enough for you then odds are it can be good enough for you again, . However, I think you're well within your rights to ask her to change or at least try to change some things. As your partner she should be more than willing to make the effort. You have to tell her that you need her to make the effort, however. Make it clear you're not expecting her to be a Stepford Wife, BUT you'd probably find her more attractive as a woman if she became a bit more domestic. You can also tell you do not like hearing it's ovulation time before sex... It's OK if that makes it seem more like business than pleasure to you, but odds are she's not approaching it as such. She's probably looking forward to sleeping with you and is choosing her words poorly. 

The social situation hits close to home. I vocalized with my husband MONTHS ago that I would like him to be more pro active concerning his social life. I told him I think it'd be better if he spent less time with his family and more time with friends. For months, nothing happened. I ended up needing to have a very serious conversation with him about it. I just told him it's hard for me to be attracted to a man who only has his father as his friend. It makes me feel isolated and old and I don't want to live like this. He took the hint and he's made a serious effort to connect with old friends. We've gone out with mine all together and it's been a blast. Getting him to do this was hard and there were times I genuinely wondered if we were compatible because I wanted to go out and he wanted to visit his father. He loves me so he made the effort. Your wife WILL do the same. She just has to KNOW how important it is to you.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I will be the first to admit I make quick decisions and when I get my mind set on something I just do it. A friend of mine in West Palm offered to let me stay at her hotel for just $60 a night. I couldn't pass it up so me and my cousin drove down there. This is not even a hotel like a resort. My cousin and I split everything. We stayed a week and I think it was less than $500. As for my business it runs itself


You could go on two vacations because your business runs itself. But you cannot take care of your daughter when she’s sick because you have to go to work and run two business???????? Really?????????? These two things cannot be true. One or the other is not the truth.



Ahusband said:


> As for my business it runs itself but some things changed real fast when Trump came in and it sent my business into a downward spiral because all my employees are Hispanic.


Why do you have only Hispanic employees? Do you discriminate against non-Hispanics? Or do you under pay and can only get illegal immigrants to work for you? This is not cool. 

Also, most Hispanics in the USA are not illegal immigrants, so if you are hiring only illegals, their race/ethnicity is not relevant. Their legal status is the relevant issue.

Plus, deportations are actually down under Trump, so I wonder why him being president has hurt your business.


Ahusband said:


> I had not been taking meds for years because it was all borderline that I needed to. I might have bi-polar but it may affect me once or twice out of the year. But over the last 5 years it has gotten worse and I have been on meds every since.


Ok



Ahusband said:


> I am immature in some ways I would agree with that. I have no self control at all at times. I might see a bowling ball I want jump in the car and go get it. One day I came home with a Mustang. Just went out and bought it. Don't regret it either cause I love it but my wife didn't want me getting it. So yeah I have my own issues.


Yes, you do have issues. Buying something like a Mustang without working that out with your wife is completely unacceptable.

Here is something for you to read: The Policy of Joint Agreement



Ahusband said:


> The vacations have been the worst thing. I don't like to plan vacations. Running my own business I can only go when things are running smooth. A few years ago, we planned to go on a cruise. When it came time to go my business was a mess. We had employees calling in sick, the manager in the office quit and I had to go on a cruise that I didn't want to go on because I had stuff at work to take care of. So guess what. I went on the cruise, had a miserable time and at one point I really wanted to jump off that that ship.


So you plan your business so that you can handle time with your wife, to include vacations. If you cannot do that, you are not good at management and should not have a business. That probably is part of the issue with your company now having financial difficulties.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



UnicornCupcake said:


> OP, your threads sound a little like mine. Read mine. I got some good advice, put it into action and things are quickly working themselves out for us, .
> 
> First of all, I don't think you're an ******* at all. I think you're at a stage in your marriage and in your life in which you don't like certain things the way they are anymore. You're looking for some change... Some evolution... It's OK to want her to be tidier and more motivated and more social. None of your requests are out of this world, BUT you have to keep in mind that this is who she is. You married her like this. If it was good enough for you then odds are it can be good enough for you again, . However, I think you're well within your rights to ask her to change or at least try to change some things. As your partner she should be more than willing to make the effort. You have to tell her that you need her to make the effort, however. Make it clear you're not expecting her to be a Stepford Wife, BUT you'd probably find her more attractive as a woman if she became a bit more domestic. You can also tell you do not like hearing it's ovulation time before sex... It's OK if that makes it seem more like business than pleasure to you, but odds are she's not approaching it as such. She's probably looking forward to sleeping with you and is choosing her words poorly.
> 
> The social situation hits close to home. I vocalized with my husband MONTHS ago that I would like him to be more pro active concerning his social life. I told him I think it'd be better if he spent less time with his family and more time with friends. For months, nothing happened. I ended up needing to have a very serious conversation with him about it. I just told him it's hard for me to be attracted to a man who only has his father as his friend. It makes me feel isolated and old and I don't want to live like this. He took the hint and he's made a serious effort to connect with old friends. We've gone out with mine all together and it's been a blast. Getting him to do this was hard and there were times I genuinely wondered if we were compatible because I wanted to go out and he wanted to visit his father. He loves me so he made the effort. Your wife WILL do the same. She just has to KNOW how important it is to you.


Great advice in here so I will answer some of it. When I met her and now looking back I think I may have married someone that I could bring home to my parents and that is exactly what I got. My dad was a cop, my mom and both are marriage counselors and do missionary work. They have been married for 43 years. 

Before I met my wife I was picking up girls at the bars and clubs. Sleeping with every girl I met and having a blast. But they were not girls I would bring home to my parents and none of them I dated lasted longer than about 6 months to a year till I married my wife. Sadly my wife married me I think because I am like her dad. Outgoing, have a motorcycle, like mustangs etc. 

I have tried to get my wife to get friends but it does not work. I feel so sorry for her when she tries and it does not work. She went with some girls from her work. They left her at a bar on St Patties day drunk as can be and someone found her in the grass passed out and I had to go get her and didn't know if she had been raped or what. People just don't socially flock to my wife. She tired doing the painting thing with people to make friends and that didn't work. I don't know what else to do. I am glad your man made the effort but what do you do when that effort does not work? 

On a funny but not funny. When we first started trying to have kids she would be like ok I got the preseed. All I have to do is put it in here and then put it in there. I am sitting their naked thinking OMG what the hell is going on and what the hell is preseed. Now I know what all that stuff is. 

But it is really just the wrong time for any of this. I just put my dog down of 15 years and I think I love my dog more than my wife and she comes to me this morning wanting to make a baby and I am like I would give my right arm to have my dog back. We are just in different places all the way around.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

It'd be easier if you had both in one thread instead of 2 but I think you know you aren't the husband your wife deserves, you loved the dog more than her. She bores you so much you can't even watch a movie with her. 

Let her go while she still had baby making years left if she wants more kids. 

Also, in your other thread you mentioned bringing up gross vagina stuff because your co-worker talked about giving oral. I really, really hope you are not the kind of guy who doesn't go down on a woman cause it's "gross" 

For real, I'd tell her to divorce over just that.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> It'd be easier if you had both in one thread instead of 2 but I think you know you aren't the husband your wife deserves, you loved the dog more than her. She bores you so much you can't even watch a movie with her.
> 
> Let her go while she still had baby making years left if she wants more kids.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, TAM is acting up today and I cannot find his other threads. If what you say here is true, and its sounding more and more like it with this replies on this thread..... I would agree that he should just end the marriage.

Can someone post the like to his other thread because search is not working for me today.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/393698-grosses-me-out.html


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> It'd be easier if you had both in one thread instead of 2 but I think you know you aren't the husband your wife deserves, you loved the dog more than her. She bores you so much you can't even watch a movie with her.
> 
> Let her go while she still had baby making years left if she wants more kids.
> 
> ...


Nope I don't go down on her anymore. Her sister told me the same thing you said. She said if you don't go down on me then we can't be together. I am like well that makes since cause she has not had a man for more than a year at a time and at 32 years old is single. 

It is not boring to watch a movie with just her. I can't stand to sit that long and watch a movie. I can't sit that long unless it is some bad ass action movie. I loved my dog. Had my dog longer than I had my wife. 

I wanted 2 threads because one is asking about one thing and the other is about that issue of hygiene which someone mentioned is a love buster which I never knew and now I do. 

I don't know if you are into signs but I am a LEO a lot has to do with this as well.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> Before I met my wife I was picking up girls at the bars and clubs. Sleeping with every girl I met and having a blast. But they were not girls I would bring home to my parents and none of them I dated lasted longer than about 6 months to a year till I married my wife. Sadly my wife married me I think because I am like her dad. Outgoing, have a motorcycle, like mustangs etc.


I don’t think it’s sad at all that your wife married someone who is like her dad. Opposites attract because they balance each other out.
What’s sad is that she married someone, you, who does not respect, or even like her.


Ahusband said:


> I have tried to get my wife to get friends but it does not work. I feel so sorry for her when she tries and it does not work. She went with some girls from her work. They left her at a bar on St Patties day drunk as can be and someone found her in the grass passed out and I had to go get her and didn't know if she had been raped or what. People just don't socially flock to my wife. She tired doing the painting thing with people to make friends and that didn't work. I don't know what else to do. I am glad your man made the effort but what do you do when that effort does not work?


The above paragraph is profoundly sad. It’s not sad because you are describing that your wife does not socially connect with a lot of people. It’s sad because it’s you are putting her down. And it’s you completely missing the real story in the above.

Why would you care at all that your wife could not connect with those women? Those women are trash, they are horrible people. You should be angry, seething angry, at the women your wife went out with who left her drunk, passed out on the grass. What kind of people do that??? I would not leave my worst enemy in such a vulnerable situation. Of course, you wife cannot socially connect with those women. Nor should she socially connect with them. They are scum.

In a lifetime, most people have one or two good friends that they can count on. Sure, they might have lots of acquaintances. But acquaintances drop away like dead flies when a person really needs friends and support.

For example, years ago I had what I thought were lots and lots of good friends. I was very social. Then I came down with Tuberculosis. Almost everyone I knew fell away. They disappeared. A couple of years after that I lost twins that were still born. After that I was left with like 2 non-family members who gave a **** about me. I learned a lot about people and ‘friends’. I have few friends today and they are the ones who I can count on. And I am there for them. The rest are all acquaintances and I am very careful about the amount of my attention/time I give them.

Perhaps your wife is smarter than most people. Perhaps she’s smarter than you. Maybe the reason she does not bond with a lot of people is that she does not care about superficial relationships. Maybe she’s smart enough to know that if someone does not like her because she will not drink or do dope, they are not worth the time of day.

If you are ever hit with adversity, all those friends of your will disappear. They don’t care for you. Your parents will probably still care about you. And the only other person who will care about you is your wife. Well and your daughter. You are on here insulting and putting down one of the only people on this earth who really gives a rat’s ass about you.



Ahusband said:


> On a funny but not funny. When we first started trying to have kids she would be like ok I got the preseed. All I have to do is put it in here and then put it in there. I am sitting their naked thinking OMG what the hell is going on and what the hell is preseed. Now I know what all that stuff is.


Ok. Not a big deal


Ahusband said:


> But it is really just the wrong time for any of this. I just put my dog down of 15 years and I think I love my dog more than my wife and she comes to me this morning wanting to make a baby and I am like I would give my right arm to have my dog back. We are just in different places all the way around.


If you love your dog more than you love your wife, just stop this and get a divorce. I really feel sad for your wife. (I’m a dog lover with 3 large dogs that I love.)

All you need to do is tell her that you want to divorce. Go see a lawyer and file. You move out and offer a settlement that benefit her.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Going down on a woman is pretty standard. You will have a very hard time in the dating world since you don't do it. 

Most men in love it, most women will expect it. You are in the minority. 

My son has ADD. He can sit to watch a movie. If yours is so bad that you can't sit for 2 hours then you need to be on meds and in therapy. 

OCD and ADD can often go together, same with other illnesses like bi-polar. My son has bi-polar in his genetics and apparently they can be in the same sub types... I don't know all the details. 

Either way, you need profession help for your issues and your wife is running out of time to find a husband she can be with and have more children with.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

I'm out. Too many inconsistencies.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Because her not having friends is a big dead to her. She knows it is not normal. I know it's not normal. People she knows from work go out once a week after to drink wine and unwind and she is never invited. She used to work for a school and the teachers would all get together and work on ciriculam for the week and kinda get on the same page yet she was left out. When she needs to vent about me or has questions about life, female issues all she has is her sister who is not a good person at all. So I try to help her find friends because we all need friends.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

See that is where my wife gets confused too. People that don't run their own business would never understand. At the beginning the year the business was doing great. I had managers in place and all was good. I went on 2 vacations in 2 months. But then in June all went to hell. Since then I have been at work from 7:30 in the morning till 6:00 pm. I am playing the roll of manager and foreman right now. So yes I can't watch my daughter right now. I tried to bring her to work one day but I have to answer phones for both business and it's hard to do with a daughter that is sick and screaming in the background and then I have customers up front of the retail store on top of that.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



EleGirl said:


> You could go on two vacations because your business runs itself. But you cannot take care of your daughter when she’s sick because you have to go to work and run two business???????? Really?????????? These two things cannot be true. One or the other is not the truth.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ok to answer the rest of your questions. Most hispanics are illegal. I know this because I work in this industry. Most people just don't care or ask. I have a landscaping company and the only people that apply for this job are hispanics. I am in Texas and it is hot and no other race really wants to work in this heat. If they do they don't last but a few weeks. I put in another post that my dad is a police officer. He pulls over people all day long. He don't even write tickets for no drivers license anymore. None of them have it and half are not illegal. It is what it is. But that is for my area. But in general a lot more are no legal. 

I voted for trump and stand behind what he is doing but hispanics are scared to death. I had 3 quit the same week because they are not legal or their visa has expired whatever it is. Never has this happened before. But they see trump saying what he is going to do and they don't want to be caught dead in a truck out there working. It has affected a lot of business down here. There was a story on the news that we are in need of 20,000 + workers due to hispanics dropping out and we are in a housing boom. 

Last month I did about 15 interviews and none of them wanted to be a driver. They were either illegal or just didn't have a drivers license. There scared of trump. I hired a black guy and a white guy one lasted 2 weeks and said it was more work than he thought and the other said it was just to hot.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

I do need to plan vacations with my wife and we have talked about this. But I run 2 different businesses. One is a cell phone repair store the other is a landscape company. They require a lot of work. Someone always has to be at the store. Someone has to be answering phones and emails. When all that is in place it works fine. We have 3 trucks with 2 employees in each truck. But lets say we plan a vacation for November. Everything is good at work. Lets say November 15ht we are to go on vacation for 7 days on a cruise. Now November 5 days before the cruise my main guy in the office quits and says he is moving back to his home town. 

Well I can't just leave my store closed. I am in a high end area. We get fined for being closed. First day is $50 and each day after that it goes up by $25. It is a retail location and they don't want business closed in the strip center. So how am I going to go on a cruise and expect to train someone to do all the work that must be done while I am gone for 7 days. Who is going to work on phones, answer emails, phone calls, etc. If someone were to quit in the office that is where I would come in till we got someone. This is what exactly happened to be in 2012. 

I was on a cruise for 7 days and my store was closed it it cost me so much money. I couldn't even enjoy the cruise. Owning a business is good and bad.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Right now you have so much debt and the $10,000 you borrowed from your wife so you could do on your last vacations, that you can't plan more vacations anyway. That's not the priority. You shouldn't have gone on the ones you did without her 

You should be selling the extras, the car you bought without your wife's approval, the boat. Stop buying crap you don't need. 

Responsible people know to put money away for when times get rough, you don't buy boats and cars and vacations if you don't have funds to get you through hard times. 

Part of this is the immaturity and mental illness, people with bi-polar can spend recklessly without thinking long term during periods of being manic. 

Now you've created a mess you have to fix. Sell the car and boat to repay your wife the 10,000 for the vacations you took without her first off. 

Then get yourself back into therapy and meds.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> Nope I don't go down on her anymore. Her sister told me the same thing you said. She said if you don't go down on me then we can't be together. I am like well that makes since cause she has not had a man for more than a year at a time and at 32 years old is single.
> 
> It is not boring to watch a movie with just her. I can't stand to sit that long and watch a movie. I can't sit that long unless it is some bad ass action movie. I loved my dog. Had my dog longer than I had my wife.
> 
> I wanted 2 threads because one is asking about one thing and the other is about that issue of hygiene which someone mentioned is a love buster which I never knew and now I do.


It's a love buster because it bothers you. For some other person it might not be a love buster if it does not bother them.

For me it would be a love buster too. My step daughter was messy like that. After one time when our dog got ahold of them, chewed some up and spread them all over the house and yard while I was at work... my step daughter got in big trouble with me. She learned to be a lot cleaner out it after that.

I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers. My mom taught all of us girls that we had to wrap them up in TP and put them in the trash. And the trash had to be taken out often. It's a no brainer to keep clean habits about this.



Ahusband said:


> I don't know if you are into signs but I am a LEO a lot has to do with this as well.


Signs have nothing to do with anything. They are old mythology.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> Because her not having friends is a big dead to her. She knows it is not normal. I know it's not normal. People she knows from work go out once a week after to drink wine and unwind and she is never invited. She used to work for a school and the teachers would all get together and work on ciriculam for the week and kinda get on the same page yet she was left out. When she needs to vent about me or has questions about life, female issues all she has is her sister who is not a good person at all. So I try to help her find friends because we all need friends.


Are these the people who left the drunk, passed out on the grass?

You wife does have friends, her father, her sister, and you. Some people just have an issue getting close to others. To me it sounds like she has some kind of self esteem issues. Maybe she could go to counseling for it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> See that is where my wife gets confused too. People that don't run their own business would never understand. At the beginning the year the business was doing great. I had managers in place and all was good. I went on 2 vacations in 2 months. But then in June all went to hell. Since then I have been at work from 7:30 in the morning till 6:00 pm. I am playing the roll of manager and foreman right now. So yes I can't watch my daughter right now. I tried to bring her to work one day but I have to answer phones for both business and it's hard to do with a daughter that is sick and screaming in the background and then I have customers up front of the retail store on top of that.


I do run my own business. Have had one, or more, most of my adult life. Plus, before I retired I worked full time at a big corporation.
We an only go by what you tell us. You told us two conflicting things. Now you have clarified.

When my son was young, I had an office assistant who had a daughter my sons’ age. WE set up a play room for the children. The office assistant watched the children and did her work.

Another time, I worked mostly from home so I hired a babysitter to care for my son while I was working from home.

My point is that there are solutions. Find one. It’s as much your responsibility to solve this as it is your wife’s.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

She only gets a week vacation after being employed a year and she has not been there a year yet at her new job. I really didn't see a problem with going on vacation. I went with my daughter and my mom. Then for fun I went with my cousin and we fished the Atlantic. She didn't like it that I was going without her but she couldn't go. 

When i was in love with her I was more in love with the person that she was going to be. She had goals, wanted to be a school teacher, she was in college, she had a nice truck. Girls I dated sometimes still live at home, didn't have a car or a job so this was huge for me. Also I am a short guy only 5 5" so that is a big issue for girls. Also I liked it because she wanted to wait for marriage but after we got married I realized that there might be a reason she didn't want to have sex before marriage. She just not have that desire. I also found out after we got married that there were a lot of underlying issues that I never knew about. 

It would be nice to find things we like together. I have at least 10 hobbies she does not even have one. Never has had one. She just doesn't know how to get one. I have tried to help her but it all stems from her past and growing up. Her brother slept with her sister, her mom was a psycho. Lot of issues that I just didn't know about.


----------



## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> NO NO. I might have the times wrong but she was a freshman in college when I met her she had just started and had just graduated highschool. She is 6 or 7 years younger than me.


Six to seven years younger than age twenty three is sixteen to seventeen years old. 

You said you tried to make friends in church that couldn't connect with your wife...because she is too goody goody. Ermmmmm....what? 
I might go to church more often if I knew where all the potheads and drunks are attending. Jeez. 

You "own two businesses" yet need to borrow money from your wife that is a teacher? Seems to me like she may be the only thing keeping you grounded enough to hold it together long enough to keep the businesses. I find it hard to believe you could do all that on your own. 

After reading your posts, I'm surprised you're still married. Be glad your wife doesn't have a lot of friends because they would probably tell her to leave you. 

If bloody maxi pads and not watching action movies are the worst things you have to say about your wife, then you seem kinda lucky to me...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> Ok to answer the rest of your questions. Most hispanics are illegal. I know this because I work in this industry. Most people just don't care or ask. I have a landscaping company and the only people that apply for this job are hispanics. I am in Texas and it is hot and no other race really wants to work in this heat. If they do they don't last but a few weeks. I put in another post that my dad is a police officer. He pulls over people all day long. He don't even write tickets for no drivers license anymore. None of them have it and half are not illegal. It is what it is. But that is for my area. But in general a lot more are no legal.


No, most Hispanics are not illegal. About 36 million Hispanics are US born and not illegal. About 19 million are foreign born. And about 11 million of the foreign born are here illegally. 

Nationally about 44% of all landscaper workers are Hispanic. So clearly there are a lot of non-hispanics the industry.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I do need to plan vacations with my wife and we have talked about this. But I run 2 different businesses. One is a cell phone repair store the other is a landscape company. They require a lot of work. Someone always has to be at the store. Someone has to be answering phones and emails. When all that is in place it works fine. We have 3 trucks with 2 employees in each truck. But lets say we plan a vacation for November. Everything is good at work. Lets say November 15ht we are to go on vacation for 7 days on a cruise. Now November 5 days before the cruise my main guy in the office quits and says he is moving back to his home town.
> 
> Well I can't just leave my store closed. I am in a high end area. We get fined for being closed. First day is $50 and each day after that it goes up by $25. It is a retail location and they don't want business closed in the strip center. So how am I going to go on a cruise and expect to train someone to do all the work that must be done while I am gone for 7 days. Who is going to work on phones, answer emails, phone calls, etc. If someone were to quit in the office that is where I would come in till we got someone. This is what exactly happened to be in 2012.
> 
> I was on a cruise for 7 days and my store was closed it it cost me so much money. I couldn't even enjoy the cruise. Owning a business is good and bad.


You should not be taking off and having vacations without your wife. '

If you cannot leave your business, then plan shorter times.... a weekend somewhere.... every month. 

Of course right now you cannot afford a vacation because you problems with your business. How about simplifying your life and have only one business?

But all of this is just wasting time talking about. You don't really like/love your wife. Crip, you loved your dog more. Just let the poor woman go. Get a divorce.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

I live in Texas as well. This poster is right. Most of the people that live in my neighborhood are hispanics that are yard workers. Most of these people are illegal as well that is why they rent in my area. It is safe because they feel safe in numbers. 

The homes are from one acre to half acre lots with no restrictions. Very few neighborhoods like mine are left in the houston area that are actually in houston but are taxed and taken care by Harris county, so there are zero restrictions there. People put up huge gates and covered fences to keep all their equipment safe. The homes are all pretty much owned by legal minorities that get along with each other. More than half of my neighborhood is owned by Vietnamese families that buy that as first property and save money to get a better home and rent off this one to lawn workers. 95% of my neighborhood is inhabited by illegal folks that cut people' yards. 

They are very scared after Trump came into office. My renters have asked me If i would convert my garage into an apt. Because they have friends and relatives that want to feel as safe as they do where my home is at. If I had the money I would build several mini apartments in half an acre of my whole acre , but my credit sucks after I quit my job and live off my rent and the little private tutoring I do. The stores and all businesses around my neighborhood are mostly oriental and hispanic with a few white folks sprinkled in. It is very safe and there is very little gang activity. No need for cops all thst much there either.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Now in regards to your marriage, I am with the ones that state you should set your wife free. You don't deserve her. You don't respect, admire, and much less like her. 

I honestly think your medication is not working or you are not taking the proper dosage. You sir, are a hot mess.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

44% showing legal. I attend conferences on this stuff. I attend focus groups on this. I am on forums with other landscapers. Don't believe all that your read. In my business most are hispanic. The race changes the further you get up north but in the south from Florida to Cali about 80% hispanic.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

After posting this and some of you sending me some private messages I decided to just talk to her about the minor things. I did speak with her about what someone called love busters. We both said what we hated and agreed to fix it for each other.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

That is a good start. How long have you been in individual therapy? Since when have your meds been evaluated by your therapist? Who put you on Bi-Polar meds? How do they measure or check thst the dosage is correct at this point in time?


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Me too. But the comment about having a lame minivan dragged me in, dammit.


I am not going to comment about this thread cause this guy sounds terrible and i stead of asking how he can be a better person, he just shots all over this poor sucker of a woman who is his wife.

However, eff you on the minivan comment. I drive a minivan and I ****ing love it. It's like flying an airplane all the time. I own the road because a) it actually has amazing pickup, b) idiots think it's a minivan and can't possibly pass them and c) it's big enough to block dbs in their bmws and Lexus's from trying to cut me off. 

However, not only down it transport my kids and whomever else nicely, I can out almost anything in it to transport, like my tools or my bike or camping gear. I can drive Uber in it. I've never had a woman question the minivan and my gf now loves it, its spacious and has tinted windows in the back


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

So your probably wondering what some of the love busters were on both sides. Well I had no idea. 

From Her To Me

1. If I get home a few minutes before her and I know she is coming home don't close the gate to the driveway. 
2. Don't fill the pond up anymore unless you set a timer because you have killed the fish 2 times in their. 
3. Stop taking my towel off the shower door and throwing it on the sink. It drives her crazy
4. Don't walk in while she is sleeping and say babe you have to come check this out. 
5. If I hear our daughter crying during the night or wanting out of her room don't act like I didn't hear her and not get up. ( I actually have only once heard our daughter crying at this age and got up other than that I must be dead tired. I didn't feel the need to tell her I actually never hear it)
6. Make an attempt to do something with them even if I don't like it. 
7. It hurts when I spend more time with my daughter than with her. 


I got a lot of praise for the stuff I do as well. 

From Me To Her

1. As you know I don't like the stuff in the trash so that was on my list. 
2. There is something else that she does that I never mentioned but it is really her issue and it is truly an issue but she has been working on it. 
3. When you take your clothes off the hanger put the hanger on my side so when I am doing laundry I don't have to go looking for all the hangars on your side with the massive amount of clothes. (It takes for ever to find the hangers and I have asked many times to do this)
4. When you put your dish in the sink put water in it. I do the dishes and that would really help. 
5. When you decided you want to just go to bed take the time to cut off the tv and the light when you are leaving. Why do you leave the room and just leave stuff on and go to bed? 
6. Turn the ac up to 80 before leaving when you are walking out of our daughters room. (This is a different ac unit on the other side of the house. We have it at 75 at night and I want her to turn it to 80 in the morning and she never does it. I have to go check it every morning.)
7.When your sister comes over she can not have my redbulls.(She gets one every time and they are expensive)
8. Please when you are putting your clothes in the front load washer to mix it up how you put it in there because it always says uneven load, has to drain the water out all so we can start it over again. (She does this once a week and I do her laundry and mine during the week and this never happens. It's gonna break that washer at some point.)
9. When you do laundry don't leave it in there for 3 days with the door closed. On front loads it creates mold and mildew every single time. It cost like 15 bucks to run this stuff through it after it happens to get it clean. 
10. Please tell me when your family is coming over or ask me first. (your sister just walked in on me almost while I was in the shower. I didn't know she was here. I have asked this over and over) 
11. I said she needs to set boudaries with her family coming over like crazy. ( The live a mile away)
12. Stop going to the emergency room for the most minor things. It's for emergencies. 
13. Does our daughter have to be in all kinds of stuff. Dance, Soccer, Swim Lessons and now the Modeling she has to do. (It's to much I think)
14. I think it is dumb that you take our daughter to every Santa around trying to get her not to cry so you can get a good pic. If she don't like the first one she is not gonna like the rest of them. 
15. When you ask me if I want to go to walmart with you and I say yes. Then we are getting gas, dropping off something at your dads and visiting for a while. Then we go to walmart. ( Happen to me a few times)
16. Please check the mail more often because it keeps getting full and we have to go pick it up from the post office. 
17. Clean your car out once in a while. It was brand new a year ago and you have free cleaning inside and out as long as you own the car and you don't even bother to stop by and get it cleaned. I don't think it has been cleaned but 3 times in a year. 
18. Don't ask me to go with your family when you know that I want nothing to do with them right now based on recent incidents. (She still ask)
19. Stop believing everything your sister is telling you. She is a drug addict and is lying to you. (I listened to her order drugs and leave to go pick them up the other night)
20. When you say you are going to do something do it. (I have about 50 2 x 4s in my garage and a whole bunch of other crap. It's all from something she said she was going to do. Each one is for something completely different. 
21. Stop asking me for cash everytime we go somewhere. I always tell you to carry some cash on you. But you can't get this or can't get that cause they only accept cash. You get mad when you go to leave in the morning and ask me for some cash and I don't have just a 10 or a 5. 
22. The tire on your van went all the way down to flat and you got air in it and then got it fixed. But it went back down to 10lbs and you have been driving it like that for a week almost and I have asked you to get air in it.(She knows it's flat cause the car says it all over the dash)
23. Stop picking up our kid everytime we go somewhere. She expects you to carry her. Yet when I am with her she ask me one time I say no and that is the end of that. She never ask again. With you she will throw a fit if you don't do it make you carry her. DON'T DO IT!


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Oh I love the minivan. Honda Odysee Tour Edition. It really does get up and go. I have a Mustang and I dont have half the stuff she has in the minivan. But my mustang is a different bread. Designed for light to light. Cammed and all no cats and no muffs.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

I have always had add all the way through high school. Never was on anything once I graduated. Just before I met my wife I had been very active in church and got my life back on track. I go to the psychatrist first to get evaluated which they don't do anything then just get my regular md that I have had for 25 years take over from there. None of my meds require blood work. Some of the meds I want to be on my insurance won't cover it. 

I was doing marriage counseling for about a year and then I asked her if I could see her on a personal basis so we have to stop the marriage counseling because it would be a conflict. We just talked about my past really and I didn't feel I was getting everywhere. I spend half the time just talking about how my day went. Was useless but I think I had a bad counselor because we were on a budget at the time. 

Currently I take 3 meds: Zoloft, Lamotrigine, Aderal . When needed Colozapam


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

I only mentioned the sign because anytime we talk about stuff people always ask our signs and anytime I say I am a LEO they go oh God yall are so hard to get along with etc. After reading the LEO sign I am like I don't believe in this but that sure is me.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

She does have some self esteem issues and so do I but for some reason she can't make friends. No the people at her work are her co workers that she works with. Work friends but they all met up and went out to the ST. Patis parad which is about 50,000 people and my wife got so drunk that she didn't know where she was or what was going on. She was drinking what the coworkers gave her and she was found out past out in a field. I had to go get her and she was sick for almost an entire day. I took her to the ER to get a rape kit done on the advice of another family member. I went to the bar a week later to view tapes from that day. What I saw was her co workers there dancing and leaving my wife by herself at the bar. They all left leaving my wife at the bar by herself so drunk that she finally got escorted out by security. Some co workers. I let him know it too.


----------



## Ahusband (Sep 10, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Well there is a lot more. Like these are just topics I wished to do discuss and would not be the core issues in our marriage.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Quite impressed this actually got to 4 pages.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Uh, OK

Nobody better question my sanity or grasp of reality after reading this wooden post.

Reading real close.

Wooden splinters in the nose close.

Just Sayin'


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



EleGirl said:


> It's a love buster because it bothers you. For some other person it might not be a love buster if it does not bother them.
> 
> For me it would be a love buster too. My step daughter was messy like that. After one time when our dog got ahold of them, chewed some up and spread them all over the house and yard while I was at work... my step daughter got in big trouble with me. She learned to be a lot cleaner out it after that.
> 
> ...


Oh, now you did it!!: 

Old Mythology! The Chutzpah!

Now you stepped on my Arch with those fancy Melania Stilettos !:crying:

Arch, arch, it hoits, Mommy.

You know, the lesser gods are angry with you.

Sheesh.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I was no in debt when I went on Vacation 2 times at the beginning of the year. I am self employed and we had a major setback about 4 months ago that put me in debt. I took my mom and daughter on the first vacation and my cousin on the second one. I can't help it if she can't get off work. I am not supposed to go do anything because she has to work?
> 
> Stop hanging out with couples that don't like my wife: Well this started in church first. People would invite us over and I would connect great with the husband but my wife could never connect with the wife or wives. Then she joined some mother groups and that didn't work out. She has tried a lot of things and just can not connect with people on that level. I think she either tries to hard or comes off as a dork I don't know. As for the drinking and smoking I was only saying that she is a goody goody. She has gotten much better with this though over the past few years and at least will drink and have a good time but that is not always a good thing either.
> 
> ...


I agree you have a bone to pick about her hygiene, that is pretty disgusting, most women will discretely dispose of sanitary products, my H didn't even know I had a period unless I was moody :grin2: She also needs to teach your daughter about this too, it is important, I think.

You sound quite picky in other regards, but that could be because you have not been true to yourself from day one and have been a beta male, now you feel resentful. You didn't want kids, but give in, you want your wife to behave in a certain way and she does not, etc. I think you are coming from a place of deep resentment when combined with OCD tendencies can really make for a perfect storm.

i would suggest you go and get counselling for yourself to weed out what is you and what is her and her behavior because it is not all her.
For example, you have a flexible work schedule if you are self employed, you could have taken your wife on holiday if you had wanted to, but you chose not to. Can you imagine how that makes her feel. She probably does alot for you but you do not take care of the sick kid etc. 
Go to counselling before you say or do anything, sort out your feelings first.


----------



## Jamie296 (Apr 15, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Dude, you really seem like you are just stuck in a rut with your wife. You dont see her as you once have and now you are finding everything in the world to be wrong with her so that you can be upset. I think you need to respect your wife and show her you love her by doing small things, its not always about you. I could never imagine going anywhere, much less a vacation without my wife. She has things that really get under my skin but it's part of her so I deal with it and move on. She deals with mine as well. If we don't like it then we speak about it and it doesnt always go great but it's a compromise. I think you need to find yourself and stop looking for reasons to be tired of her. She sounds like a typical wife to me, i have been married twice and my ex was lazy and slept all the time. She didn't work or anything, i spent 12 years doing that, not to mention, it was a sexless marriage and so i left after putting her through school because I was not in love with her but I wanted the best for her. She was the mother of my children. The woman I am married to now is a wonderful woman. OCD and your anxiety are all excuses so that you don't have to accept that you are growing up and maturing. I know where you are coming from because I am/was all of that. I would constantly depend on something to take my mind off of my miserable life that I created. It's not so bad, go and find your wife and show her you are a man. Stop being a ***** dude. Sorry to be so blunt but I have read both of your threads and you just seem like you are just whining and crying about a stall married life. Spice it up!!! 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Yes, you are a jerk. A selfish, self-involved jerk. Gotta love how you excuse all of your character flaws as disorders.

Work on your personality and then your marriage.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I can't help it if she can't get off work. I am not supposed to go do anything because she has to work?


No, you plan a vacation for when she CAN get off work. That's what married couples do.

You're describing Independent Behavior, which you'll see in the book recommended, His Needs Her Needs. A couple can't stay in love if they both do (or even one does) Independent Behavior.

Why? Because by DOING that Independent Behavior you are putting YOUR happiness ahead of your spouse's. Which hurts both of you. 

You're in debt? Sell some of your damn toys. Do you have a college fund already fully funded? No? Then you should be selling toys and putting that money into a college fund. Do you have a 20% savings account? No? Then you should be selling toys and avoiding vacations until you have 20% of your annual income in a savings account for emergencies so you don't GET in debt. 

Get the book and start reading it together. It will explain a lot to BOTH of you about how you should be treating each other.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Answer to your OP title question: Yes, you are.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

First I think your wife would be better off without you.

Second how old are you some of this sounds like the general malaise that sets in with midlife around 40.

What do you do to manage you OCD except say she knows my OCD.



do you have separate finances? If not why don't you simply carry a bit more cash so you can be the hero, the provider when she shops for a few items? Instead of the whiner and annoyed. If you know it bothers you you can fix that or just say no.

It sounds like your version of leaving hygiene out is in the trash can, but you don't like the sight or smell. Have you bought a self closing trash can and fabreeze trash bags ? 

These seem like small steps you could take instead of just complaining or being annoyed. It feels like you just want to be annoyed. 

If she waited to have sex and now she just gets what? We know it isn't oral how does she achieve pleasure ? Sounds like your lucky she didn't date around and find out how common and GOOD oral is. Of course you complain she isn't in to sex but maybe you just aren't that good at it.

If you have access to a bunch of Hispanics then it should be easy for you to arrange child care. Many Hispanic women spend time caring for children and would enjoy extra money.

I could go on but I'm already exhausted by this thread and feel sorry for your wife you should really consider getting on meds.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I was no in debt when I went on Vacation 2 times at the beginning of the year. I am self employed and we had a major setback about 4 months ago that put me in debt. *I took my mom and daughter on the first vacation and my cousin on the second one.*
> 
> _*You seem to think it's more important to take your mum or cousin on vacation than to take your wife. And, why go on vacation if your finances aren't stable - you knew Trump was going to be president back in November and must have had some inkling that this may impact your businesses. *_
> 
> ...


*As a single parent bringing up my kids, I never had anybody to fall back on if the kids were sick and needed watching - I had to do it myself and, to be honest with you, if my kids were sick, I would prefer to watch them myself rather than hand over that responsibility to somebody else. 
*
You sound as if you're more caught up in running your (failing) businesses, your wife seems to be the main breadwinner (evidenced by the fact that you had to borrow 10 grand from her) and you seem to disrespect her. You say you only spent about $500 on one of the holidays - I would be thrilled to have $500 to spend on a holiday. I don't so I live within my means and don't have holidays that I can't afford. You say you bought your car on impulse - I bet your wife was thrilled that you'd go out and blow a pile of money on a car and then have to borrow money from her to take your cousin on holiday! You sound as though you have communication problems as a couple and it takes two to communicate. You need to listen to her side as well as put forward your own side before you can make any progress.


----------



## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> Great advice in here so I will answer some of it. When I met her and now looking back I think I may have married someone that I could bring home to my parents and that is exactly what I got. My dad was a cop, my mom and both are marriage counselors and do missionary work. They have been married for 43 years.
> 
> Before I met my wife I was picking up girls at the bars and clubs. Sleeping with every girl I met and having a blast. But they were not girls I would bring home to my parents and none of them I dated lasted longer than about 6 months to a year till I married my wife. Sadly my wife married me I think because I am like her dad. Outgoing, have a motorcycle, like mustangs etc.
> 
> ...


The dog thing made me giggle because sometimes I honestly think I love my dog more than my husband, lol. It's sad, but that's the way it is. My dog LOVES me as me. I get to my by annoying self and pet her all day long. That would drive my husband bonkers. 

If she tries hard enough, it WILL work. YEARS ago my husband asked me if I could be "nicer" because although I don't have a hard time getting people to flock to me, I'm not all that likable. Ha. I was OK with it, though. Still manage to have friends. Anyway, being "nicer" was hard. He told me he doesn't like to go shopping with me because I'm rude to sales associates. (Not gonna lie, I am. I tell them I do not need anything and if they come back 5x I will tell them to leave me the **** alone, lol.) I put in some serious effort to be nicer, though. Read a few self help books, put a few things into action and even FORCED myself to do something "nice" even though I felt ridiculous doing it. Being nicer never hurt nobody, lol. I think the same logic can be applied to your wife. Teaching social skills and likability is going to benefit everyone.

You need to change your thinking, though. You see her failing at being social even though she tried. Don't feel bad for her. HELP her. She probably felt so embarrassed that night she got left at the bar. Some people have a harder time connecting with people than others. Think of her as a little helpless in this department. Help her. Put more effort into helping her and she'll probably put more effort in herself. I think you need to take the lead on this one. She clearly doesn't have the skills. Don't pity her for it, though. I've always enjoyed awkward people more than Casanovas There are types of people who will like your wife she just hasn't found any


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> I will be the first to admit I make quick decisions and when I get my mind set on something I just do it. A friend of mine in West Palm offered to let me stay at her hotel for just $60 a night. I couldn't pass it up so me and my cousin drove down there. This is not even a hotel like a resort. My cousin and I split everything. We stayed a week and I think it was less than $500. As for my business it runs itself but some things changed real fast when Trump came in and it sent my business into a downward spiral because all my employees are hispanic.


Excuses. Moving along.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Some people just don't need friends. People can be introverted and perfectly happy with just 1 or 2 close friends or family. There's nothing wrong with them and they don't need to put themselves out there to find more friends or go out more if they don't want to.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> See that is where my wife gets confused too. People that don't run their own business would never understand. At the beginning the year the business was doing great. I had managers in place and all was good. I went on 2 vacations in 2 months. But then in June all went to hell.


I worked for this great guy once upon a time. He would be shaking his head in disgust. If you are running your business without cash flow to support operating within a six month window, you don't belong in business.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



Ahusband said:


> Ok to answer the rest of your questions. Most hispanics are illegal. I know this because I work in this industry.


Ok. I'm out.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*re: Am I a piece of *****



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Going down on a woman is pretty standard. You will have a very hard time in the dating world since you don't do it.
> 
> Most men in love it, most women will expect it. You are in the minority.


Disagree. More than half of all the women I was intimate were not fans at all.

Why? Because they were very self conscious of their lady parts. Don't ask me why.

Only two actually had odor issues, the rest of them, it was all in their heads.

Blame society if you want, before you say it, yes I know how to operate the equipment.

OP it's not that hard to find a woman who's not into receiving oral. Just don't expect it in return.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

@Ahusband are you a "piece of ****"?

No. But it would help the situation if you stopped acting as if you were one.

Are you on meds? If not, that's an avenue you could explore.


----------



## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

*re: Am I a piece of *****

Feel the need to add that I, too, drive a minivan since last March. I decided I like driving a van instead of a four cylinder Japanese car. 
Don't judge me


----------

