# Married man's sex life primer



## Lonelygent1977 (Feb 20, 2018)

Hey guys I've just started reading this book and all I can say is WOW my mind is blown, I can't put it down and everything in it I can relate to, I'm 100% a beta male, I believe that I used to be 50/50 alpha but with marriage and kids I've lost the alpha trying to please my wife ie most household chores doting on my wife ie footrubs every night and getting nothing and I mean nothing in return.
Well I'm only half way through this book and alot is going to change, though I don't think my wife will like it, were going on holiday for a week next week and I said that after our holiday I'm going to focus on toning up, I'm a big chap 205lbs and 6ft4in my Ideal weight is 180lbs, and she said that she dosent want me to lose weight as id look ill and she want me not to change, now normally I'd say ok and carry on feeling ****, but now I've read this book I think she's keeping me overweight as I'd get a higher sex value that her and become more attractive to other women.
She has put on a bit of weight over the last year and id say shes gone from a 6 to a 5 and I'm a 6 I'm no ryan Reynolds but I'm not fugly either.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

6'4" and 180 is too thin. Bulk up and keep your current weight.


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## Lonelygent1977 (Feb 20, 2018)

manwithnoname said:


> 6'4" and 180 is too thin. Bulk up and keep your current weight.


Long as I lose my belly I'm golden lol

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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah 180 at 6'4 sounds way thin. 

Focus on the other stuff. If you haven't read "No more mr nice guy" by Glover then read that next.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I'm a little over 50. 5'7" to 5'8" tall and usually 180. This is due to belly. I can get rid of it and get down to 170, which is ideal. I got down to mid 160s and was told I looked too thin. Time too get to 170 for me!

It all depends on frame type as well. BMI has me overweight until I am skin and bones, so I don't bother with BMI, although there are some "smart" BMI calculators out there.

And if you start lifting heavy, your weight may stay the same because you will lose fat as you gain muscle.


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## Lonelygent1977 (Feb 20, 2018)

manwithnoname said:


> I'm a little over 50. 5'7" to 5'8" tall and usually 180. This is due to belly. I can get rid of it and get down to 170, which is ideal. I got down to mid 160s and was told I looked too thin. Time too get to 170 for me!
> 
> It all depends on frame type as well. BMI has me overweight until I am skin and bones, so I don't bother with BMI, although there are some "smart" BMI calculators out there.
> 
> And if you start lifting heavy, your weight may stay the same because you will lose fat as you gain muscle.


I have a large frame and have always been big I have lifted before and got quite fit but a new harder working job put an end to that.

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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

It sounds like you're pretty motivated to make a positive change in your life. But I can't help but to notice that the overall tone of your post is very heavy on resentment towards your wife. Have you discussed this with her in a clear and open way. Your current situation sounds like one you have been complacent in, so it's not your wife's fault you both share responsibility. I think if you handle this in a way looking to improve both yourself and your relationship with your wife you will find the result you are ultimately looking for. 

Now starting with improving your own self esteem is great. If you're looking to tone up it is 90 percent diet. A clean high protein diet lots of fruits and vegetables lots of fiber. The diet gives you the correct nutrition to build muscle and the energy to train hard to burn fat. The more muscle mass you have the more fat you will burn. And a clean diet is really the only way to lose the belly. 

Don't lift heavy regularly focus on doing you max weight to 12-15 reps, don't take more than 60 seconds off between sets to keep your heart rate up. Throw in some power lifting every now and then, power lifting tells you central nervous system that you need more muscle. The key is you want healthy lean mass. Lifting super heavy too often will leave you sore and less likely to keep up a regular routine with intensity. And lifting super heavy will hurt the joints. 

I wish you luck and hope you use this motivation and drive to improve yourself and your relationship. Maybe this lifestyle change is something you and your wife can do together. Most women I know who begin a healthy diet and working out get a boost in their sex drive. The working out does cause women to produce more testosterone so that combined with her feeling sexier and seeing you looking health, having more energy and doing something significant together will lead to you getting a more fulfilling passionate life.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Lifting super heavy too often will leave you sore and less likely to keep up a regular routine with intensity.


I'm not an expert by any means but find it the opposite actually. I generally have a 5x5 program focused on heavy weights / compound lifts. But I also do a fair amount of accessory stuff to compliment and tend to be lower/medium weights at higher reps. Always find that I get way more sore from those, almost to the point where I'm questioning if I'm doing the compound lifts right. Definitely feel the burn far more during the exercise too which makes it feel much more difficult. I'm really pushing on the compound lifts too to just under the point of failure for most sets so I don't think it's that I'm targeting weight too low.

Dunno...I perversely like the sore / tight feeling you get next day


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

MMSLP really changed things around for me. It was more of a paradigm shift for me. I wouldnt tell your wife your doing any of this to go from "beta to alpha" but more to improve yourself.

I am 6'4 and 205 and there is no way I can see how 180 is not too skinny. Unless your bones are so weak and light that you float around the world. 

Pack on muscle. Your wife might tell you that "you look fine, i like you like that" but let me tell you this... my wife turned into a savage as soon as she started to feel some muscles under the sheets. 

Focus on your improvements... Expect a long lag time before your wife changes course... Just like building muscle it can take a while for changes to appear


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

I'm about 6'1" and 192. Im trying to pack on at least 8 more lbs and compared to the others at the gym id say I don't look like a meathead. Probably could go to 210 and still be happy with my size (not too big). 

If you feel you have flab now. Take advantage of it and turn that $hit into muscle now. It's a lot easier to convert now then to tone and try to add muscle later.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Agree with others. Focus on heavy lifting, you should be able to stay at current weight but replace the blubber with muscle.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Also to add I'm focused on sports that require speed and quickness like bball and indoor football so my weight is Def not weighing me down too much at my frame.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> It sounds like you're pretty motivated to make a positive change in your life. But I can't help but to notice that the overall tone of your post is very heavy on resentment towards your wife. Have you discussed this with her in a clear and open way. Your current situation sounds like one you have been complacent in, so it's not your wife's fault you both share responsibility. I think if you handle this in a way looking to improve both yourself and your relationship with your wife you will find the result you are ultimately looking for.


If he is a beta, that is probably why he is in this situation. Too much talk, not enough action. Get back to your caveman roots.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

I downloaded bodybuilding program ebook called "body of a spartan" - its really good and not expensive.
After reading it, and following it... and then doing research, i discover that everything in the program is backed by science. Its put together really well.

5 sets of 5 reps of really heavy compound lifts - builds strength
3 sets of 12 reps of lighter weights for muscle growth

His program has a 60-70% split between Strength building and Muscle growth. Even arnold said that strength gain (compound lifts with heavy weight) is the foundation of muscle growth.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

I follow this plan - https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/10-week-mass-building-program.html

But I use it for longer than 10 weeks. Its probably recommended you take the rest days but I don't. I warmup with 10 mins of cardio before lifting and do cardio, bball and circuit training in the days you are supposed to rest.

Diet is key but supplements help a great deal. I use preworkout before every workout and load creatine/glutamine and whey after. Also eating at least 6 meals a day.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

BigDigg said:


> I'm not an expert by any means but find it the opposite actually. I generally have a 5x5 program focused on heavy weights / compound lifts. But I also do a fair amount of accessory stuff to compliment and tend to be lower/medium weights at higher reps. Always find that I get way more sore from those, almost to the point where I'm questioning if I'm doing the compound lifts right. Definitely feel the burn far more during the exercise too which makes it feel much more difficult. I'm really pushing on the compound lifts too to just under the point of failure for most sets so I don't think it's that I'm targeting weight too low.
> 
> Dunno...I perversely like the sore / tight feeling you get next day


It depends on age and what kind of shape your in. If you in good shape and your body is use to lifting getting some heavy reps regularly is fine but the focus should be reasonable weight and reps. Heavy builds bulk in my experience reps with good form help to tone better. But I also guess everyones body responds differently.

And I do enjoy well worked feeling it after the workout. But a good burn is good the soreness I don't like is the one where you going to be hurting to bad workout hard the next day. Like if you do a hard chest and back one day and are too sore the next day to hit the arms and shoulders hard with good focus the next day. 

I guess I'm also biased. I was a body builder and would lift super heavy in my youth through college. I would workout 2 hours a day. I got to the point one day after a serious workout that I couldn't scratch my head and was rubbing it against a column at the gym. When I realized what I was doing I actually decided right then and there to take a more moderate approach to working out. SO I began focusing on health and fitness and diet and going from body builder body to underwear model body. I would say I am much more fit today at 41 than I was when I was rubbing my head against a column because I was too pumped up and tight. When I look back at picture of myself back then I have no idea what I was thinking about I hate the way I looked. 

Today I do cardio 6 days a week free weights 3 of those days and yoga 2 days. I eat 5-6 times a day mostly vegetarian very little dairy very little gluten. I drink about a gallon of water daily.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

That's a great book and I also enjoyed reading it. The other thing I liked and recommend was Corey Wayne's stuff (books and utube vides). He focuses a lot on getting and keeping girlfriends, but much of the information can be applied to marriages too. His stuff can basically be summarized as: be the best version of yourself that you can be, don't get complacent in life or relationships, and it's the man's duty to plan fun dates. 

For the exercise make sure you start tracking your calories. Myfitnesspal is an excellent resource and is accurate as along as you MEASURE your portions instead of estimate. I do a combination of exercise because I get bored with one thing. A few years ago I did exercise videos to kickstart the process of getting in shape (e.g. P90X) then transitioned into 5X5 stronglifts (free app available on your phone) and running. So if you try something and don't like it just remember there are things to try until you find something that works for you. 

BTW, I'm guess from your user name that you're around 41 years old and I assume your wife is somewhat close to that. If so, there's no way she's a 5 if she's fat because the grading scale compares women across all ages, so she's competing with hot 20 year olds and is probably really about a 3, but you can justifiably downgrade her more for not putting out. For example Jennifer Aniston is now around a 6, but was a 10 if you went back more than two decades.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> If he is a beta, that is probably why he is in this situation. Too much talk, not enough action. Get back to your caveman roots.


I do agree the "Beta" issue needs to be addressed but my point is if he doesn't lose his resentment he not going to be happy in his marriage. Taking the lead in addressing marriage issues is not being Beta, it's taking the lead and addressing the situation with conviction. I see letting a problem just sit and fester being a Beta trait. If there's a problem be a man step up and fix the problem. Make a plan sit your wife down tell her here's the problem and this is how we can fix it. 

In my opinion women respond most to self confidence. They like a man who is very secure in himself. I know beta guys who are self confident and alpha men who are not. A Beta guy who doesn't have self confidence is the sheepish pushover and usually unhappy. Then you have the alpha guy who is not self confident, typically this is the guy who is super controlling, jealous and overall a douche. Most high quality women will not find either of these two attractive. But a guy who is Beta or Alpha who is also very self confident can be attractive to high quality women. 

The changes the OP is talking about making will address his issues and give him better self confidence, but without addressing the underlying issues in his marriage he's only addressing half the problem. I think not addressing the situation by saying to his wife, hey we're in a funk and here are some steps I am going to take to address things and this is what we need to do together to get out of this funk, is weak. Your not taking control of the situation and leading the way. When she sees him getting fit and more confident and knows he is doing it to improve himself as well as their marriage, the impact on her will be far greater.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Wow, this has been educational. I thought I might find out more about this book, that is supposed to be very good. I'll back away slowly now....

For a point of reference, I am a high drive woman who thinks women who withhold sex are selfish shrews. But, I'm only a 4 or 5 now by virtue of age, so I'll try not to go out in public too much lol

OP, I hope you find answers and the fulfilling sex life married people SHOULD have.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Love and agree with the advice given here. Just want to add that it's hard to exercise to health without eating properly. Cut the sugar, processed foods, simple carbs, increase good meats/fats, and green vegs.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

A lot of commenters have engaged with good advice on getting in shape. By all means do that, but

addressing the personality issues will have a much bigger effect, and "packing on muscle" can easily become a displacement activity when a bit of self-examination is required. 

Being in physical shape is only one of about 8 things that the MMSL primer talks about.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Machines suck for the most part since you don't have to balance the weights. I remember first starting bench pressing with a machine, then after a month of that I switched to the normal bench press and was surprised to find I couldn't lift nearly as much (also I was sore for a week). Bench Press, Squats, Deadlift will pack on muscle the fastest. Other stuff is good too, but those are the 3 cornerstones. Read up on proper deadlift form before doing it, I see too many idiots throwing their back out at the gym with improper form.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Machines suck for the most part since you don't have to balance the weights. I remember first starting bench pressing with a machine, then after a month of that I switched to the normal bench press and was surprised to find I couldn't lift nearly as much (also I was sore for a week). Bench Press, Squats, Deadlift will you get you ripped the fastest. Other stuff is good too, but those are the 3 cornerstones. Read up on proper deadlift form before doing it, I see too many idiots throwing their back out at the gym with improper form.


Love the novice deadlifters, especially the ones who forget to breath and pass out.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Laurentium said:


> A lot of commenters have engaged with good advice on getting in shape. By all means do that, but
> 
> addressing the personality issues will have a much bigger effect, and "packing on muscle" can easily become a displacement activity when a bit of self-examination is required.
> 
> Being in physical shape is only one of about 8 things that the MMSL primer talks about.


Oft times this can be an initial focus because it's something the guy can start right away and see tangible results soon after. I don't think anybody is saying to ignore the rest of the book.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I do agree the "Beta" issue needs to be addressed but my point is if he doesn't lose his resentment he not going to be happy in his marriage. Taking the lead in addressing marriage issues is not being Beta, it's taking the lead and addressing the situation with conviction. I see letting a problem just sit and fester being a Beta trait. If there's a problem be a man step up and fix the problem. Make a plan sit your wife down tell her here's the problem and this is how we can fix it.
> 
> In my opinion women respond most to self confidence. They like a man who is very secure in himself. I know beta guys who are self confident and alpha men who are not. A Beta guy who doesn't have self confidence is the sheepish pushover and usually unhappy. Then you have the alpha guy who is not self confident, typically this is the guy who is super controlling, jealous and overall a douche. Most high quality women will not find either of these two attractive. But a guy who is Beta or Alpha who is also very self confident can be attractive to high quality women.
> 
> The changes the OP is talking about making will address his issues and give him better self confidence, but without addressing the underlying issues in his marriage he's only addressing half the problem. I think not addressing the situation by saying to his wife, hey we're in a funk and here are some steps I am going to take to address things and this is what we need to do together to get out of this funk, is weak. Your not taking control of the situation and leading the way. When she sees him getting fit and more confident and knows he is doing it to improve himself as well as their marriage, the impact on her will be far greater.


That makes sense but it sounded more to me like he was suffering from the all too common dead bedroom and that is where his real beef is. Once he gets in shape, with the accompanying endorphin and testosterone kick, he will get the two fold effect of more confidence and become more physically attractive. Maybe it will also prompt her to step up her game. Just my thoughts.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Laurentium said:


> A lot of commenters have engaged with good advice on getting in shape. By all means do that, but
> 
> addressing the personality issues will have a much bigger effect, and "packing on muscle" can easily become a displacement activity when a bit of self-examination is required.
> 
> Being in physical shape is only one of about 8 things that the MMSL primer talks about.


Although, in Kay's updated edition, he himself says although everything in this book works, getting in decent shape is the most important thing (before it clicks into place) from what he has seen.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Listen, get into the gym and meet with a trainer, and have a good long talk with your physician. Use the resources at hand to determine the weight loss/muscle gain ratio. I have spent most of my adult life fighting my genetics and general lack of motivation. I got married at 230lbs, fought my weight then. Entered a profession with a lot of sedentary work, and of course I smoked like a chimney. Consequently I had my first little heart attack at age 40. I class myself as being fairly stupid back then, so my bad habits continued through a high stress executive position, an increase in my cigarette habit, and my ballooning up over 300. Poster child for bad behaviour. My second heart attack was called the widow maker. They attempted to put in a stent. The blood thinner they hit me with, turned out I developed an allergy to it. I had a total cascading clot on the table. I was in a coma for about four days (still not completely clear on that). I awoke to hear the doctor tell my wife that I had gone south and they did not expect me to make it. I lapsed back into the coma, not expecting to come back. I awoke on a Sunday morning. A good friend was at the end of my bed, and I scared the shlt out of him by asking him if I were dead. Nearly was. They had replaced my blood volume twice. I had no immunity as that flushed out with my blood.

Took me ten years to get immunity back, and able to exercise. Turns out I was severely diabetic. Once I got that under control, I began Weight Watchers. I am now 191. That is a 130 +/- weight loss. In the best shape of my life. I am lifting regularly to put muscle mass under the droopy skin. I am working on my abs and pecs. Fat guys never have to work on the legs, they get muscular from toting around a f*ckload of weight. My wife, who got me into WeightWatchers, and herself who lost 75 when we first got married. (her mom hated the weight loss), has responded to the new me, in hundreds of marvellous ways. When we go clothes shopping, she is dressing her conservative accounant husband in stretch jeans and body hugging tops. The sex life, was always good, got better. Found two additional inches under the fat. 

Go into this knowing that you are not just making yourself more physically attractive, you are remaking yourself into a healthier and more vibrant individual. Weight Watchers has an old motto, "nothing tastes as good as being fit feels." They are damn right.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Taxman said:


> Listen, get into the gym and meet with a trainer, and have a good long talk with your physician. Use the resources at hand to determine the weight loss/muscle gain ratio. I have spent most of my adult life fighting my genetics and general lack of motivation. I got married at 230lbs, fought my weight then. Entered a profession with a lot of sedentary work, and of course I smoked like a chimney. Consequently I had my first little heart attack at age 40. I class myself as being fairly stupid back then, so my bad habits continued through a high stress executive position, an increase in my cigarette habit, and my ballooning up over 300. Poster child for bad behaviour. My second heart attack was called the widow maker. They attempted to put in a stent. The blood thinner they hit me with, turned out I developed an allergy to it. I had a total cascading clot on the table. I was in a coma for about four days (still not completely clear on that). I awoke to hear the doctor tell my wife that I had gone south and they did not expect me to make it. I lapsed back into the coma, not expecting to come back. I awoke on a Sunday morning. A good friend was at the end of my bed, and I scared the shlt out of him by asking him if I were dead. Nearly was. They had replaced my blood volume twice. I had no immunity as that flushed out with my blood.
> 
> Took me ten years to get immunity back, and able to exercise. Turns out I was severely diabetic. Once I got that under control, I began Weight Watchers. I am now 191. That is a 130 +/- weight loss. In the best shape of my life. I am lifting regularly to put muscle mass under the droopy skin. I am working on my abs and pecs. Fat guys never have to work on the legs, they get muscular from toting around a f*ckload of weight. My wife, who got me into WeightWatchers, and herself who lost 75 when we first got married. (her mom hated the weight loss), has responded to the new me, in hundreds of marvellous ways. When we go clothes shopping, she is dressing her conservative accounant husband in stretch jeans and body hugging tops. The sex life, was always good, got better. Found two additional inches under the fat.
> 
> Go into this knowing that you are not just making yourself more physically attractive, you are remaking yourself into a healthier and more vibrant individual. Weight Watchers has an old motto, "nothing tastes as good as being fit feels." They are damn right.


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## Lonelygent1977 (Feb 20, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> That makes sense but it sounded more to me like he was suffering from the all too common dead bedroom and that is where his real beef is. Once he gets in shape, with the accompanying endorphin and testosterone kick, he will get the two fold effect of more confidence and become more physically attractive. Maybe it will also prompt her to step up her game. Just my thoughts.


Yes that's what I'm hoping for she's always to tired or not in the mood, but I bet if Ryan Reynolds walked into the room she would soon perk up lol

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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I'm only a 4 or 5 now by virtue of age, so I'll try not to go out in public too much lol


I just had to reply to this one..... forgive me for the thread hijack......

the world-system has a "number system" which is related to age. The once "leading-lady" now gets a support role, etc.. Hollywood.

But under God's plan, ladies who are LOVED by their husbands are 8, 9, and 10, even into their 80s. We are 66 and 63....when I look at her, she is still that "9" she was when I was 27 and she 25. I'm still excited, just like I was then. Her skin is just as soft and smooth now as then.

What the "public" thinks is crap. What is thought inside the home is what counts....

May God add His blessing to your home, and to the home of all those who read here.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Lonelygent1977 said:


> I bet if Ryan Reynolds walked into the room she would soon perk up lol


And, I know....that "lol" is really a "col".... I've had this same "bet" for decades, and I know how awful it can be....

I sincerely hope things change for you.....


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## Lonelygent1977 (Feb 20, 2018)

TJW said:


> And, I know....that "lol" is really a "col".... I've had this same "bet" for decades, and I know how awful it can be....
> 
> I sincerely hope things change for you.....


Thank you time will tell I'm going to get in the best shape I can then get a new wardrobe, I've being saying that to my wife for ages so it won't be a shock when I come home with bags of new clothes.
And if that dosent work well who knows.

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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Lifting is great. I've been doing it for 25 years, but it's only one aspect of fitness. Don't neglect other core elements like endurance and flexibility. It's great if you can deadlift a VW, but not so great if you can't run a mile without dying. Work on things like resting heart rate and V02 max also. Be in it for long-term health and fitness, not just muscles that girls like.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Lonelygent1977 said:


> Thank you time will tell I'm going to get in the best shape I can then get a new wardrobe, I've being saying that to my wife for ages so it won't be a shock when I come home with bags of new clothes.
> And if that dosent work well who knows.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk


Everything your planning to do is a great thing for more than just getting your wife more interested and it's all great. I will say this, for most women seduction is done through the mind. And remember your not going to walk in tomorrow and have a fit toned body. So the change in appearance will be gradual. But you can start tomorrow to improve the situation with her in the bedroom by taking control of that situation. You and your wife are in a very normal post kids funk. And it takes some serious effort to get yourself out of this. Maybe taking the steps to improve your physical appearance will work but my guess is it is not going to have the desired effect and your resentment will grow and become more toxic. 

Food for thought, while lots of men in your situation (sexually disconnected relationship) might end up cheating, lots of women cheat because of the relationship becoming disconnected emotionally. 

I think your still being a bit passive here when it comes to your relationship. Your going to take these steps for yourself and see what she does. When my wife is in a funk due to stress or the kids are being brats or whatever, I take action to change her state of mind. I go full on Jedi mind trick reduce her stress make her feel great and boom she's up for anything again. Now it sounds like you've been doing some of that but being admittedly Beta what are you doing to initiate sex, and how strongly have you told her your unhappy. Also getting her on this kick with you will make a few key improvements. With a clean balanced diet with lots of fruit and vegetables her energy level will go through the roof. I cannot stress that point enough. With some exercise and getting in shape she will feel better about herself which will make her feel more sexy and then more sexual. 

For me and my wife working out together in the morning is a big aphrodisiac, we end up having sex in the shower about 2 days a week after a good workout. Something about the heavy breathing and sweat during the workout. 

And one more thing to point out which is important to note. A woman who is a 6 can get laid WAAAYYY more easily than a guy who is a 6.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> E
> I think your still being a bit passive here when it comes to your relationship. Your going to take these steps for yourself and see what she does. When my wife is in a funk due to stress or the kids are being brats or whatever, I take action to change her state of mind. I go full on Jedi mind trick reduce her stress make her feel great and boom she's up for anything again. *Now it sounds like you've been doing some of that but being admittedly Beta what are you doing to initiate sex, and how strongly have you told her your unhappy*.


Say, he has this conversation with his wife, "honey, I really need more sex in our marriage". So, then you start negotiating her desire. "I will do X, Y and Z and then you will give me more sex?". So, by the time he does X, Y and Z, she forgets about the sex part and he is now stuck doing X, Y and Z for the rest of his married life. You can't negotiate desire. At best you will get obligation (Duty) sex, at worse you will continue to get nothing but a "honey do list". If you don't elicit an attraction in her, she will be too tired, have headaches or some such excuse ALL OF THE TIME.

Best thing you can do is avoid all that negotiating sex stuff. That is gonna get you nowhere. You need to work on eliciting her desire. Continue reading stuff like MMSLP, Rational Male and such/ continue working out 3-4 times a week/ get her hampser spinning and start telling her the dirty things you are going to do to her. Take her out, have fun, smack her ass and then go back home for wild monkey sex. Be assertive, TELL her what you want.

You got the Beta part nailed, which offers comfort and stability for women. That will get you pair bonding, but won't do **** for your sex life. Now you just need more Alpha which sparks the sexual desire in women.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I must admit the weight loss kicked off a “honeymoon of sorts, as it caused a ramping up of frequency. At my highest,I just couldn’t do it as much as I liked. There was always concern that I would hurt her. Those concerns are now long gone. To be frank, she gets really sexual, fondles me unexpectedly. We sext often. And as a consequence of her menopause, she has something called PMZ, post menopausal zing. Her orgasmic potential is off the scale. Perfect storm so to speak. Consequence? We just came back from a cruise. Made love in the cabin and on the balcony. Day and night. Fantastic, except in our sixties, the hips don’t lake a lot of positions. Spent time in the hot tub to ease the aches somewhat. Oh well, ya can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Taxman said:


> ….something called PMZ, post menopausal zing….


What is this you speak of, and why have I never heard of this before?

*OnTheFly frantically logs out of TAM and heads to google search bar….*


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Hey, I learned about it here. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...men-PMS-Thats-Post-Menopause-Zing-New-energy-...


Get ready for post-menopausal zest: new creativity, sexual energy and confidence

We encountered this about two years ago. It has been a revelation. I never expected to be doing this in my sixties, we enjoy the hell out of each other. I like making the coffee in the morning, she walks up behind me, gives me the reach around and whispers, "Howz about a roll in the hay after work?" Turns me into a blithering idiot for a few minutes. Wow.


The kids are out, we have the little house we call the love nest, we are healthy, mobile, and holy crap! I still got the lead in my pencil!!!!!!

It extends to every facet of her life. She has taken up the reins of replacing her Mom as family matriarch. Continues her Mom’s traditions while making new ones. She brought two families together in our little love nest, made a dinner that would make the angels sing and 20 people around my table...all I could do was marvel at her. At work, she took over for the boss, and transformed her department ( downside, we both have been asked to stay on at least five years past retirement , in both cases to shepherd the younger generation as they take over their parents’ companies. That and being the person that everyone turns to for advice. She is a pistol... and all mine, thank g-d.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Steve2.0 said:


> I downloaded bodybuilding program ebook called "body of a spartan" - its really good and not expensive.
> After reading it, and following it... and then doing research, i discover that everything in the program is backed by science. Its put together really well.
> 
> 5 sets of 5 reps of really heavy compound lifts - builds strength
> ...


This is very near a regimen I followed in college and following and it worked really, really well. The however is I haven't lifted now for 20 yrs. The plus is I still look good at 6'3 190lbs. I did put on 35 lbs which I've taken off. Stable at 190. However some folks say I'm on the skinny side now. 
You'll find your best shape no worries. 
You're doing all the right things.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Say, he has this conversation with his wife, "honey, I really need more sex in our marriage". So, then you start negotiating her desire. "I will do X, Y and Z and then you will give me more sex?". So, by the time he does X, Y and Z, she forgets about the sex part and he is now stuck doing X, Y and Z for the rest of his married life. You can't negotiate desire. At best you will get obligation (Duty) sex, at worse you will continue to get nothing but a "honey do list". If you don't elicit an attraction in her, she will be too tired, have headaches or some such excuse ALL OF THE TIME.
> 
> Best thing you can do is avoid all that negotiating sex stuff. That is gonna get you nowhere. You need to work on eliciting her desire. Continue reading stuff like MMSLP, Rational Male and such/ continue working out 3-4 times a week/ get her hampser spinning and start telling her the dirty things you are going to do to her. Take her out, have fun, smack her ass and then go back home for wild monkey sex. Be assertive, TELL her what you want.
> 
> You got the Beta part nailed, which offers comfort and stability for women. That will get you pair bonding, but won't do **** for your sex life. Now you just need more Alpha which sparks the sexual desire in women.


Man I thought I replied to this days ago, I agree with you completely. My only point is if the OPs relationship has become disconnected all of this will go much better if he doesn't shut down to her emotionally. I'm not saying be a puppy dog and negotiate anything, I'm saying be clear tell her he's unhappy and intends to fix the problem, get her side of the story and then go to work to "get her hamster spinning". It is also likely she isn't into sex that much because she doesn't feel sexy, the OP said himself she's gone down hill a bit. A woman who is attracted to her husband still might not feel like having lots of sex if she doesn't feel sexy herself.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

In my experience, one key is to make it safe for your partner to share unpleasant truths. If she fears you will tear into her if she tells you the ways in which you fall short sexually, then she will not tell you.


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