# Time for a divorce?



## Lady-Ana (Jun 4, 2018)

My husband and I are going on 23 years of marriage. We have four kids ranging from the ages of 22 to 2 years old. I'm Hispanic coming from a family of 9 and he's black and was a single child raised by his mother. We don't seem to have anything in common. He never wants to go to any family get-togethers or functions and even when we make plans (because he believes in planning everything), he doesn't attend them 95% of the time. I feel like he doesn't appreciate the things I do for him and he feels I don't appreciate him either. We both work full time jobs, I come home and cook dinner just about every night and sometimes have to ask him to come downstairs and watch the two little ones (ages 4 and 2) while I'm cooking. He get pissed off because he claims he doesn't have time to relax after work. Well... neither do I buddy! I am the one who drops off and picks up the kids from daycare every day. I come home around 6 pm every day and have to give them something to snack on while I'm cooking dinner because they're starving when we get home. Once I've settled them in, I then cook dinner while at the same time, try to tend to them as well. Every blue moon, he will come downstairs without me having to call him so he can help with the kids. Once I cook dinner, my husband and all the kids eat. The two older ones (ages 22 and 17) will pick up their plates off the table, put them in the sink, rinse them off and go upstairs to their room. My husband does the same thing as well and I'm left downstairs with the two babies. I finish up, clean up what I can, put away any leftovers, if I have any energy left, I wash the dishes (but it is not every night), I then get the kid's Sippy cups ready for the evening to go to bed. By then, it's around 9 or 9:30 pm. Many times, if I come upstairs with the kids before 9 pm, his look is not a pretty one. He gives me the feeling that he needs more time to recuperate from a long day and makes me feel as if I need his permission to come to OUR bedroom. About 5 years ago, I brought up the subject to him about having another baby. He was against it, so I left the subject alone. My doctor changed birth control pills for me, and about 3 months after changing, I learned I was pregnant with my now 4-year old son. He wasn't thrilled but was ok with it. A little over a year later, I learned I was pregnant again (with my now 2 year old daughter). He was so upset that he wanted me to get an abortion. My entire pregnancy with our baby girl was so depressing because of him. He constantly would tell me that it's "Not too late" to get an abortion. I lam 1,000% against abortion PERIOD. He, on the other hand, is materialistic (in my opinion) and is always talking about how these last two kids are going to ruin us financially. Every time we have an argument or a monetary disagreement, he constantly remarks: "but YOU wanted more kids" and walks off. I love our kids. I am always the one who does everything for them.... from changing their diapers, to bathing them to feeding them to playing and spending time with them. It gets to the point where last weekend when my husband and I got through cutting our 4-year Old's hair, I gave both the kids a bath after my husband himself showered, and I then told my hubby that I was getting in the shower... so he replies all angry and pissed off: "you always choose the WRONG TIME to do these things!!!".... and which I said back: Anytime I have to do anything for myself (such as showering) is the wrong time for YOU because it means that you actually have to do what I do all day with the kids!!!! and there goes another argument!! Any time I try to talk to him to let him know that I feel overwhelmed from working all day, coming home to cook dinner and tend to the kids and do it all over again the next day without his help, he tells me that he contributes by going to work every day!!! I am so exhausted physically, and emotionally that I don't feel affection for him anymore and when we get intimate.... its just for his pleasure. I don't' feel like I enjoy it and just do it just to do it... I guess so he can get his pleasure done and let that be one less thing he throws in my face. I do admit that I am not as loving towards him as a wife should be. He has told me that he feels that I don't ever initiate sex with him, or I never caress him or anything physical towards him and he doesn't understand that. All I can reply to his question regarding that is that I'm so tired that at night, I just want to go to bed. 
This past weekend, I took the kids to the beach. He was so upset I did that because it wasn't planned. When the kids and I were waling out the door to leave, he said... that's ok... I'm leaving anyway. This is what is driving me to the point of: "why in the hell am I with this man?" He never wants to do anything on the weekend, never anything on the holidays, or anything with family. He says crowds of people make him anxious, where as I love being around people and taking the kids places. He's a home-body...I'm a person who likes to do stuff and go places that are not necessarily expensive and many times free... such as going to the park with the kids. I don't want to be one of those women who stay with their husband for the sake of the kids... but at the rate we're going... we're arguing more and more in front of the kids and every time he comes in the room.... my smile turns upside down and I am just waiting for whatever negative comment is gong to come out of his mouth to ruin my day. I don't feel connected to him and I am not sure if leaving at this point is the right thing to do or try to work it out. I have so much more to say... but It's time to clock out of work!


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