# I think wife is having an affair - how do I confront?



## jamie323

A little backstory - we have been married almost 3 years, no kids. My wife and I have always had a pretty good relationship, other than standard little things and a few money issues as of late. She has not been working for the last year. The house is in my name, and basically everything is mine.

She has a lot of guy friends, and I am fine with all of them, except for one guy. The one guy (who has a girlfriend) is older, and really sorta ratty. She knew him from her old job. I remember a year or so ago, I flew back from out of town - and went out to meet her and her co-workers. I came into the room and this guy and my wife were sitting REALLY close together. I came in, went to the bar quick, and went over to where they were sitting - and the guy had moved seats quick.

I think, whatever.. he is just a nerdy dude looking for friends. So I just wrote it off as a 'whatever'.

Needless to say, my wife lost her job - and about three months ago my wife says she is out with some girlfriends. We stay in contact, and at about 2 am, she says she is wasted and crashing at her girlfriend's house. I say sure. no problem!

The next morning she comes home and admits that she met that guy downtown - he is a facebook friend and it was his birthday and he was home alone - they hung out, she got drunk, and crashed on his couch. She volunteered this information. I was not happy about it, but glad she came clean. A few weeks after that my wife says she is crashing at another girlfriend's house to do a job. Im fine with it, and am not suspicious. A few weeks after that this guy comes to hang out at our place.. we are chatting, etc.. and he mentions hanging out with my wife at this girlfriend's house. Im thinking -why would she not tell me? Later I ask her. She admits it, and also admits to going to lunch with him a few times over the last few weeks. I tell her that I am not happy with her lying to me about this - and I would like for her to cool it with hanging out with this guy, and I think that he is a sneaky sh!t. She apologizes, but says she wants him as a friend. I warn her that she needs to be careful.

Fast forward. They have hung out a few times, he has even come over to my place a couple of times. He seems okay, but Im still uneasy. A couple of weeks ago my wife went to a girlfriend's birthday party and crashed at her place. This Monday she went out with this guy for happy hour - she said she was also meeting a girlfriend - I had other plans. She did not get home until well after 2am. I was home and awake - I had also checked the phone logs and saw that she was spending an unusual amount of time texting this guy. (maybe I was late in doing this research) She pulled into the driveway and sat there for a while. Like, in the driveway for 10 minutes with the car off. I lay in bed and pretend I am sleeping. She gets into bed and immediately passes out.

I grab her phone. Its got a code on it - this is new. I punch in a few numbers, and then punch in her birthday. viola. its unlocked. I go to read the texts to and from this guy. It appears she has deleted all of his texts prior to a month ago. Scrolling through the texts, most of it is just jibber jabber.. but there are quite a few texts where he says he misses her, and she says the same - has some xoxoxo hugs and kisses, etc. One of the texts is a picture of a singer with an orgasmic facial expression.. The singer looks like my wife, and the guy says "she looks like you, i recognize that expression' I keep looking, and find some texts from the night she went to her friend's birthday party. Needless to say at 1am she invited him to the party. The conversation basically went like this:

him: I sure do have blueballs
her: you should come to this party at X house
him: okay, Ill see you soon

Then texts from the next morning:

her: thanks for not making me bleed
him: I made a video for you thinking about last night.

then back to regular chit chat. I find it strange that she didnt give him directions, and there was no address exchanged, etc.

At this point, I want to throw up and I put the phone back under her pillow. I feel really sick that I didnt notice the red flags earlier, and now it seems like she screwed the guy. I slept on the couch that night.

I told her yesterday that I think she is having an affair with this guy, she said I was crazy and that he is just a friend. I told her that I dont want her to hang out with him any more. She said she wouldnt hang out with him, but she is mad at me for being jealous and will sleep in the spare room for a while until she 'thinks about things' She didnt text him until last night at around 1am - multiple times..

What is the best way to confront with this evidence? It sure seems damning to me... She will get mad at me for snooping, but I dont care at this point. Please help!! I made screenshots, and I can print this stuff out. Should I just say 'look b!tch, I know you are cheating, here is the evidence, get out!' I love her like crazy, and our relationship has been great.. but now I feel sick.


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## lordmayhem

OMG. Thanks for not making me bleed?


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## snap

She will deny, blameshift and accuse you. The brazen manner of her affair suggests they get high off your humiliation.

It's best to cut corners and put divorce right on the table.


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## warlock07

She can gaslight you easily if she is cheating . You need much concrete evidence. What kind of phone does she have? If it is one the smart phones there are various apps that can backup every text she sends and receives. . Also GPS in her car.


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## PHTlump

The evidence is cut and dried. They had sex. No, you don't have DNA proof. And she will try to gaslight you and insist that a man who says he recognizes her orgasm face didn't sleep with her, but you need to stand pat.

Since you have been married a short time and don't have kids, I recommend you divorce. That's the quickest and easiest fix. You'll find someone else to love. Even if you're a committed Christian, infidelity gives you a pass to divorce.

However, if you want to reconcile, then she handwrites a letter of non-contact for this man and you mail it to him. You can find templates online. You also get full transparency with her phone, email, Facebook, etc. Also, she stops partying without you. She, and her friends, can't be trusted to do what's best for your marriage. Any friends who knew about her and the other man should be excised from your lives permanently. If she wants to be a married woman, she can act like one. Married women don't go out partying until closing time and get so drunk that they have to sleep on someone's couch.

Good luck.


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## Jones4

1) What she is doing is totally inappropriate, especially the dishonesty. Anytime an individual hides information or activities directly relating to a person of the opposite sex, they are showing you that they KNOW what they are doing is wrong. You only hide what you don't want someone to see. 
2) If/when you confront her with what you've seen so far, the first reaction or..eventual reaction will be to blame you for something leading to it. Give excuses, or get angry at you for not trusting her and spying on her. To hide it, she will lie about anything/everything..even her middle name. You have to just trust what you feel and what you've seen.

In the end, married people don't behave this way to their spouse. Really, no need to ever stay out all night either. She can call you for a ride or find a way home, how about a cab?


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## jamie323

Im at work right now, and feel literally sick to my stomach. What does 'thanks for not making me bleed' mean? Good god, what the hell have they done?

She sent me a message saying she told him that she will cant see him any more. She said she did it for me, because she loves me and respects my wishes. Since I feel uneasy about him its easier to avoid accusations if she stops contact. However, she is going to need to stay in the other room because she is mad at me for 'backing her into a corner' and making her choose a friend or me. grrrrrrr


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## bryanp

It is very obvious that she is having an affair with this guy. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting as you have been? He is talking to her about blue balls and she says come to visit her at a party? Are you in total denial.

Unfortunately I think that SNAP has made an excellent point. She is totally brazen about the affair and it really does suggest that she is getting high off your humiliation. Your wife keeps spending nights away with you and the OM is always around.

Her actions indicate that she is engaged in an affair and has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? No consequences to her actions equals no motivations to change. I agree you need to put divorce or the table and have the both of you be tested for STD's. Good luck.


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## snap

Introducing the lover to the husband at martial home can serve no other purpose than humiliation, no matter how you spin it.


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## bryanp

This is another great point by SNAP. It now seems obvious.


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## warlock07

Yeah, I agree but he needs to get more concrete evidence. She will gas light him with this sort of evidence. OP, what id of phone does she have?


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## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> Yeah, I agree but he needs to get more concrete evidence. She will gas light him with this sort of evidence. OP, what id of phone does she have?


Its an iphone 4 with the older 4.02 os on it. She has changed her phone code, and I can no longer get into it, so I think she suspects I read her texts..


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## Almostrecovered

well you can access the backup file and read the deleted texts after she syncs it

iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac


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## Almostrecovered

and to answer your question I have to ask you a question-

what do you want?

is the sex a deal breaker (because it's obvious they are having sex)?
do you want R if she were to do the things necessary to heal? It's a long and hard road to take if you do AND you have to have a wife willing to go with you.


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## aug

does she sync her iphone? If so, all her deleted text can be recovered, I believe.

Allow me to look at your situation bluntly.

You are married less than 3 years and she's already cheating on you, emotionally for sure, and extremely likely physically. She moved into another room indicates she wants to be loyal to her lover.

You have no kids.

There's nothing tying you to her other than emotions. So, if you decide to stay with her, the negative consequences for you are numerous. How can you trust her for the next 40-50 years when she should be loving you very deeply now, and instead she has already checked out of the marriage? Why do you need to have this type of turmoil in your life?

Start detaching yourself from her to protect your sanity and from the pain. Read up on the 180. Protect your finances and assets now.

There must be a better woman out there for you than her.


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## lordmayhem

What? No kids? Oh HELL NO. That's the get out of jail card.

Run Forrest, Run!


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## jamie323

tacoma said:


> You`ve screwed up royally dude.
> How old are you two?
> Do y`all comprehend the concept of marriage?
> 
> 1; The only place your wife should ever sleep is whatever bed you are in. Passing out on the couch is acceptable but she sleeps at home.
> 
> 2; Your wife doesn`t go out constantly without you and on the rare events where she does if she calls and says she`s too trashed to drive you go pick her up.No arguments.
> 
> She`s obviously screwing this ratty dude and you have more than enough evidence to confront her.
> 
> Demand the passcode to the phone.
> Sync it with a computer, there are ways to read any and all texts she`s made even if she`s deleted them.
> Google it or someone with a better memory on this forum can tell you how.
> 
> You lay out your boundaries if you want to reconcile because at this point it`s not a question of "if" she ****ed ratty dude but "How many times?"did she **** ratty dude.
> 
> 1:She stays home unless she`s working and she comes home right after. Her party days are over.
> 
> 2:She ends all contact with ratty dude AND ANYONE WHO WAS INVOLVED IN THESE PARTIES.She dumps the toxic friends like a bad habit because they are a bad habit.
> 
> 3:She gives you complete transparency, access to all media, phone, computer, e-mail, web history, EVERYTHING.
> 
> 
> 4:She becomes the perfect wife for the foreseeable future and shows real remorse for intentionally cuckolding you because bringing her lover to meet her husband in his home is the sleaziest thing I can think of a woman doing.
> 
> Personally her **** would have been in the yard weeks ago if it were me.
> 
> Grow some balls.


There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


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## Lon

PHTlump said:


> The evidence is cut and dried. They had sex. No, you don't have DNA proof. And she will try to gaslight you and insist that a man who says he recognizes her orgasm face didn't sleep with her, but you need to stand pat.
> 
> Since you have been married a short time and don't have kids, I recommend you divorce. That's the quickest and easiest fix. You'll find someone else to love. Even if you're a committed Christian, infidelity gives you a pass to divorce.
> 
> However, if you want to reconcile, then she handwrites a letter of non-contact for this man and you mail it to him. You can find templates online. You also get full transparency with her phone, email, Facebook, etc. Also, she stops partying without you. She, and her friends, can't be trusted to do what's best for your marriage. Any friends who knew about her and the other man should be excised from your lives permanently. If she wants to be a married woman, she can act like one. Married women don't go out partying until closing time and get so drunk that they have to sleep on someone's couch.
> 
> Good luck.


:iagree:

Also, tell this guy's girlfriend, she has a right to know if he has been sleeping around. As for you get tested for STD's, who knows what this ahole could have been passing on to her (and thus to you)

You can try gathering more evidence if you want, but it is pretty cut and clear that she had sex with him, on an ongoing basis. NO SEX WITH HER RIGHT NOW - last thing you need is for her to get pregnant then be stuck dealing with her lying ways for the rest of your life. When you confront don't show your cards - ask her for complete honesty and if she "trickle-truths" you it means she knows what she has done is wrong, you can maybe show her a tidbit and tell her you know a lot more than she is saying (but don't reveal how much) and that she has one chance to come clean about everything. You can even have separation papers drawn up ready to serve her with if she is not willing to be in the marriage.

She is probably in a fantasy world right now, the "fog" of a secret relationship, so she will say some pretty dumb sh!t, don't pay attention to her words pay attention to her actions. Sorry you are here, good luck to you... and whatever happens do not beg or plead or go out of your way to please her right now, she certainly doesn't deserve to get any kind treatment from you so any attempts you make to accomodate her will be seen as weak and simply reinforce her decision to look for sex with a "stronger" man.


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## jamie323

Lon said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Also, tell this guy's girlfriend, she has a right to know if he has been sleeping around. As for you get tested for STD's, who knows what this ahole could have been passing on to her (and thus to you)
> 
> You can try gathering more evidence if you want, but it is pretty cut and clear that she had sex with him, on an ongoing basis. NO SEX WITH HER RIGHT NOW - last thing you need is for her to get pregnant then be stuck dealing with her lying ways for the rest of your life. When you confront don't show your cards - ask her for complete honesty and if she "trickle-truths" you it means she knows what she has done is wrong, you can maybe show her a tidbit and tell her you know a lot more than she is saying (but don't reveal how much) and that she has one chance to come clean about everything. You can even have separation papers drawn up ready to serve her with if she is not willing to be in the marriage.
> 
> She is probably in a fantasy world right now, the "fog" of a secret relationship, so she will say some pretty dumb sh!t, don't pay attention to her words pay attention to her actions. Sorry you are here, good luck to you... and whatever happens do not beg or plead or go out of your way to please her right now, she certainly doesn't deserve to get any kind treatment from you so any attempts you make to accomodate her will be seen as weak and simply reinforce her decision to look for sex with a "stronger" man.


She has already lied to me.. I asked her about him, she said that they are just friends, but will stop talking to him 'for me' I just cant let it go at that, though. I asked her point blank if she slept with him, or had any sort of sexual activity. She denied it, of course. I did do a back up of her phone, so I will see if I can find any of the deleted texts.

-


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## that_girl

What slime.

I would kick her out. She's lying and who knows what STDs she has...


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## that_girl

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


Wives don't need to crash on girlfriend's couches. Sorry. You should have offered to go pick her up. You have no children to tie you to the house.

Tacoma didn't say chain her to the vacuum, but...look where your blind trust got you...

That part I don't understand...you have no kids, but she parties without you....wtf?


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## Chaparral

jamie323 said:


> Im at work right now, and feel literally sick to my stomach. What does 'thanks for not making me bleed' mean? Good god, what the hell have they done?
> 
> She sent me a message saying she told him that she will cant see him any more. She said she did it for me, because she loves me and respects my wishes. Since I feel uneasy about him its easier to avoid accusations if she stops contact. However, she is going to need to stay in the other room because she is mad at me for 'backing her into a corner' and making her choose a friend or me. grrrrrrr


Ask her what kind of friend makes her bleed.


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## Almostrecovered

well regardless if you want r or d

do all this before confronting-

see a lawyer- at the very least know your options and even get some paperwork, if you want R you can always stop the divorce but showing her the consequence will show her you mean business

see a doctor- get std testing and look into anti depressants or anti anxiety meds

tell the OM's gf without informing your wife



lastly never reveal your sources


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## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know.


You don`t seem to understand.

You don`t have a marriage.
You have a girl who sometimes sleeps at home when she`s not drunkenly passing out at any number of strangers houses.

Expecting your wife to display the most minimal of respect for you as a man and a husband is not controlling.
The fact that you think it is is why you need to grow some balls.
Your wife doesn`t respect you because you aren`t worthy of respect in her eyes.

The fact is that if your wife had any love or respect for you you wouldn`t need to "control" her because she wouldn`t even consider doing the **** your wife is doing.

I`ve never told my wife what she can and can`t do and I`ve never had to because she would rather build our life than live as the party girl running around and crashing with whoever happens to be there.
I`ve been operating under the assumption she behaves like this because she has love and respect for me and our family.

Then there is the fact that she KNOWS if she ever does act inappropriately with another man or carries on the party lifestyle I won`t be posting on a message board asking what I should do.
I`ll be calling a lawyer and having her served and I have kids.
She respects that.

You my friend should divorce this woman immediately as you have no kids invested and if you stay long enough to have kids your life is really ****ed.

However you will form new relationships with other women and while you may not like my advice it will serve you well if you listen to it.

Do not allow any love interest to disrespect you as you`ve allowed your wife to disrespect you because it will always end the same way.


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## Chaparral

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


The point you are missing here is that if you two had the proper boundaries for married people you would not be here. Wives do not go out drinking and partying without their husbands. Period.


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## snap

chapparal said:


> Ask her what kind of friend makes her bleed.


I'd love to hear the answer to that too. Will take some creativity to explain it away.


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## Almostrecovered

the best way to confront btw- pack her bags and throw them in the car, have her go with you for a ride. Then drive to OM's house and drop her off with her bags, tell OM he can take care of her now


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## Lon

jamie323 said:


> She has already lied to me.. I asked her about him, she said that they are just friends, but will stop talking to him 'for me' I just cant let it go at that, though. I asked her point blank if she slept with him, or had any sort of sexual activity. She denied it, of course. I did do a back up of her phone, so I will see if I can find any of the deleted texts.
> 
> -


yep, she is denying it, IMO your only chance of shaking her out of the fog is to come at her hard with the consequences of her infidelity. So what are those consequences? She has lost your trust and is saying by her actions she doesn't want to invest in intimacy with you, she sees you as completely inferior and is only keeping you in order to use you, for your provisions, your basic support and for appearances. I say drop her fast, cut off your joint accounts, tell her to move out of your house, stop doing favors for her, present the divorce papers and show her that you are better off without being treated as a cuckold. Tell her farewell. I doubt she will be remorseful but if she is SHE is the one that has to do the heavy lifting to restore your trust and you will be the one that has to show you will enforce your boundaries. It's not easy but it is for the best.


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## NotLikeYou

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


Jamie323, I agree with you- it is insulting to be a man and have someone tell you to grow some balls.

Know what else is insulting? 

Having a wife who is having hot nasty sex with other men, to the point that she has to thank them for not making her bleed from the enthusiasm of their coupling.

If you're not more insulted by the latter than the former, maybe you need to grow some balls.

You have enough evidence to confront her. The record of texts is enough. The fact that she is sleeping in another room, "mad" at you because you are forcing her to choose between her husband and her "friend" is enough.

But, honestly, you shouldn't be worried about confronting her. Your efforts should be geared towards getting checked for STD's and finding a good lawyer who will get a divorce done quickly. You have no kids with this person- leave now, treat her with the contempt and loathing she deserves, and you may find that you have not only your dignity, but your testicles as well.

Good luck- they say a wise man learns from the mistakes of others, but most betrayed spouses seem to prefer to earn their wisdom the hard way.


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## PHTlump

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


Nobody is trying to be insulting. But there is a fog that surrounds affairs. Most typically, the disloyal spouse is the deepest into the fog. A disloyal wife will believe that it's not that big a deal. That her husband won't be very hurt. Or that he may not mind at all. However, a loyal spouse can also get caught in the fog. Loyal spouses can read texts where people are talking about sex and not come to the obvious conclusion that they've had sex. And blunt speech from people who have been betrayed in a similar fashion can sometimes penetrate that fog and shine some light into a betrayed spouse's worldview.

You were trusting. And you were naive. That doesn't make you a bad person. You just made a mistake. Most people on this forum have made the same mistake. But now you've learned. You don't have to be jaded or cynical to understand how male/female attraction works and that your wife's hormones don't care whether she has a ring on her finger. Some people are completely honorable and will ignore sexual attraction to other people. Many are not so honorable. Now, you've taken the red pill and you'll never see the world in your old, naive way again.

If you really want more evidence, then start snooping into your wife's accounts. Put a keylogger on your PC. Put spyware on her phone. Check her deleted texts from her sync. But there is no magical formula for confronting her, except to say that you shouldn't reveal your sources. If she knows her phone has been compromised, she'll stop using it. She'll buy a prepaid phone and use that. If she thinks you're reading her email, she'll create a new account and use that for her affair communications.

But I think you need to see a lawyer. You're still in the honeymoon phase of your marriage and your wife has gone over the edge with a physical affair. And now that you know about it, she's not prostrate begging your forgiveness. She wants you to apologize for not giving her enough space. I say you give her all the space she can handle by removing yourself from her life. Confront her by handing her divorce papers.

Good luck.


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## Jellybeans

_*I grab her phone. Its got a code on it *- this is new. I punch in a few numbers, and then punch in her birthday. viola. its unlocked. I go to read the texts to and from this guy. It appears she has deleted all of his texts prior to a month ago. Scrolling through the texts, most of it is just jibber jabber.. but there are quite a few texts where *he says he misses her, and she says the same - has some xoxoxo hugs and kisses, etc.* One of the texts is a picture of a singer with an *orgasmic facial expression.. *The singer looks like my wife, and *the guy says "she looks like you, i recognize that expression'* I keep looking, and find some texts from the night she went to her friend's birthday party. Needless to say *at 1am she invited him to the party. *_

Your wife is fvcking and has been fvcking this guy. The same guy you are allowing into your home, after she spent the night with him and lied to you on multiple occassions about ahving/nothaving seen him. If 

you can't see this for what it is, you have much bigger issues.

Tell her about the messages you read. I would go to her phone account and print out all the text messages/call log/text log activities.

If he has a girlfriend, tell her.

Oh and ... get tested for STDs. Your wife is haivng an affair. You don't let this slide &sit idly by while she humiliates you: you take a stand.

If you can, forward the text messages to yourself and then print them out and/or keep them stored so you can show her and then ask her if she's going to keep denying it.

Call the OM and tell him you know about the affair and how he's been scheming with your wife.

OUT THEM BOTH.


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## jamie323

that_girl said:


> Wives don't need to crash on girlfriend's couches. Sorry. You should have offered to go pick her up. You have no children to tie you to the house.
> 
> Tacoma didn't say chain her to the vacuum, but...look where your blind trust got you...
> 
> That part I don't understand...you have no kids, but she parties without you....wtf?




She has a child from a previous relationship. If we cant find a babysitter - I will watch him and vice versa. 'WE' dont have any children together. I party without her, and we party together, and she parties without me. I didn't see the big deal at the time. I've crashed at a buds house when I was too intoxicated to drive home. Im sure we all have done that. 

Your right, maybe I was blindly trusting her - I guess I was living in a fantasy world where wives don't lie to their husbands. However, I'm not to blame for her cheating - it is all on her.


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## Almostrecovered

jamie323 said:


> However, I'm not to blame for her cheating - it is all on her.



you got that part right


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## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> _*I grab her phone. Its got a code on it *- this is new. I punch in a few numbers, and then punch in her birthday. viola. its unlocked. I go to read the texts to and from this guy. It appears she has deleted all of his texts prior to a month ago. Scrolling through the texts, most of it is just jibber jabber.. but there are quite a few texts where *he says he misses her, and she says the same - has some xoxoxo hugs and kisses, etc.* One of the texts is a picture of a singer with an *orgasmic facial expression.. *The singer looks like my wife, and *the guy says "she looks like you, i recognize that expression'* I keep looking, and find some texts from the night she went to her friend's birthday party. Needless to say *at 1am she invited him to the party. *_
> 
> Your wife is fvcking and has been fvcking this guy. The same guy you are allowing into your home, after she spent the night with him and lied to you on multiple occassions about ahving/nothaving seen him. If
> 
> you can't see this for what it is, you have much bigger issues.
> 
> Tell her about the messages you read. I would go to her phone account and print out all the text messages/call log/text log activities.
> 
> If he has a girlfriend, tell her.
> 
> Oh and ... get tested for STDs. Your wife is haivng an affair. You don't let this slide &sit idly by while she humiliates you: you take a stand.
> 
> If you can, forward the text messages to yourself and then print them out and/or keep them stored so you can show her and then ask her if she's going to keep denying it.
> 
> Call the OM and tell him you know about the affair and how he's been scheming with your wife.
> 
> OUT THEM BOTH.


I was going to ask if I should call the other man. I have a print out of all of the text messages. I do have a backup of the phone from Monday night- but I'm not sure how to read the deleted texts. I'm not allowing him in my home any more, he came over a couple of times when we had parties previously - along with other friends (male and female)

Ive googled for reading deleted texts, and it mostly has me trying to sift through the raw sqlite database. Thats a pain in the a$$.


----------



## Almostrecovered

contacting the OM is usually pointless and doesn't do any good

contacting his gf on the other hand is worthwhile


also- look at my first post to you,, you can pay $25 for a program to do the text extraction for you


----------



## Jellybeans

The next morning she comes home and admits that she met that guy downtown - he is a facebook friend and it was his birthday and he was home alone - they hung out, she got drunk, and crashed on his couch.

Copy/pasted to highlight all the red flags.

_A few weeks after that this guy comes to hang out at our place.. we are chatting, etc.. and he mentions hanging out with my wife at this girlfriend's house. Im thinking -why would she not tell me? Later I ask her. She admits it, and *also admits to going to lunch with him a few times over the last few weeks*. I tell her that I am not happy with her lying to me about this - and I would like for her to cool it with hanging out with this guy, and I think that he is a sneaky sh!t. *She apologizes, but says she wants him as a friend. *

*This Monday she went out with this guy for happy hour* - she said she was also meeting a girlfriend - I had other plans.* She did not get home until well after 2am*. I was home and awake - I had also checked the phone logs and saw that she was spending an unusual amount of time texting this guy. (maybe I was late in doing this research) *She pulled into the driveway and sat there for a while. Like, in the driveway for 10 minutes with the car off*

him: *I sure do have blueballs*
her: *you should come to this party *at X house
him: okay, *Ill see you soon*

Then texts from *the next morning*:

*her: thanks for not making me bleed*
him: I made a video for you thinking about last night.

She said she wouldnt hang out with him, but *she is mad at me for being jealous and will sleep in the spare room for a while until she 'thinks about things' **She didnt text him until last night at around 1am - multiple times..*_

What more do you need???? 

What happy hour lasts until 2 am??

"Thanks for not making me bleed?" EWWWWWWWWWW. 

It's laughable that SHE told YOU that she will move to the guest bedroom... to "think about things." :rofl: I would have kicked her out right then and there and told her she can GTFO and "think about things" but that you have thought about things and aren't going to live in an open marriage. Tell her she can go stay with the guy she's been cheating on you with. 

Omg. And the worst part is...she brings him to your HOUSE. STOP IT! DO NOT LET THIS A$$HOLE in your house! They are straight up betraying you right in front of your face. It's revolting!


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision. If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


Listen brother, you didn't do anything wrong. In hindsite, yes you may have done some things differently. But, as you mentioned you trusted her. That's exactly what you should have been doing. 

In most cases betrayed spouses, very much like cheating spouses are in a emotionally induced haze. As you will read what your wife is in is referred to as "the fog". Betrayed spouses experience what is referred to as "the smog". As you will find out very shortly, it's imparitive that you shake her out of this fog, in the same respect it's impartive you be shaken from the effects of any "smog". It's no ones intention to insult you, simply to reach you. 

In most cases, that is very difficult as people tend to bury themselves in denial, and rationalizations. The hurt a betrayed spouse experiences can often criple them emotionally. Taking action requires strong motivation, most often anger helps provide that fuel. the intent of many here (including myself) is to provide that motivation and open your eyes... Unlike most, it doesnt sound like your head is completely buried in your a$$. 

Read the link in my signature about fog, and the no0b link. Before you confront, its important that your armed with what to expect. 

Based on what you have said, I would recommend that you arm yourself with more information because when she figures out how much you know and that the cat is out of the bag.. she will go "underground" and you wont be able to get more information... Keyloggers, VAR's & backup recovery software will get you that now... But that window will close and she will cover her tracks when this comes out...

Your going to get gaslighted something fierce and you will likely cope with things you never saw coming. For your own sanity, It will help you to expect it and have unquestionable hard evidence. 

We are all sorry that you are here. Your wife is having an affair, what is going to happen and what she will say and do is very predictable...

As AlmostRecovered asked, you should know what you want to accomplish because the advice you get and the steps you should follow from here differ greatly depending on what that is...

*edit* lol, just realized phtlump and I must have been thinking the same thing.... much if what i said, though worded differently is an echo. well played my friend.


----------



## Entropy3000

tacoma said:


> You`ve screwed up royally dude.
> How old are you two?
> Do y`all comprehend the concept of marriage?
> 
> 1; The only place your wife should ever sleep is whatever bed you are in. Passing out on the couch is acceptable but she sleeps at home.
> 
> 2; Your wife doesn`t go out constantly without you and on the rare events where she does if she calls and says she`s too trashed to drive you go pick her up.No arguments.
> 
> She`s obviously screwing this ratty dude and you have more than enough evidence to confront her.
> 
> Demand the passcode to the phone.
> Sync it with a computer, there are ways to read any and all texts she`s made even if she`s deleted them.
> Google it or someone with a better memory on this forum can tell you how.
> 
> You lay out your boundaries if you want to reconcile because at this point it`s not a question of "if" she ****ed ratty dude but "How many times?"did she **** ratty dude.
> 
> 1:She stays home unless she`s working and she comes home right after. Her party days are over.
> 
> 2:She ends all contact with ratty dude AND ANYONE WHO WAS INVOLVED IN THESE PARTIES.She dumps the toxic friends like a bad habit because they are a bad habit.
> 
> 3:She gives you complete transparency, access to all media, phone, computer, e-mail, web history, EVERYTHING.
> 
> 
> 4:She becomes the perfect wife for the foreseeable future and shows real remorse for intentionally cuckolding you because bringing her lover to meet her husband in his home is the sleaziest thing I can think of a woman doing.
> 
> Personally her **** would have been in the yard weeks ago if it were me.
> 
> Grow some balls.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

No kids. You need no other evidence. Divorce and move on.

It is her affair but you have been way to "I'm ok with it". You essentially allow your wife to date other men. She leads a life style of going out without you with other men and regulary crashes for the night outside of your home. You have caught her lying and yet you are ok with things. Your boundaries are way too submissive. Your wife has no boundaries. She is screwing around and has no respect for you. She rubs your face in it with this guy. You being so submissive about all of this makes her respect you even less. Be aware that this guy takes what he wants and she gives it to him. You never object. They get off on that.

She should not be doing this but before I would put up with her crashing at another person's place I would go pick her up, bring her home and then set the boundaries. Boundaries that should have been set long ago.

I think you guys are way past that point. You had plenty of clues to begin with. Your submissibe behavior enabled this. I repeat though that her behavior is her repsonsibility. You just did nothing to slow her down. You being ok with her having a lot of guy friends has born some bad tasting fruit indeed. You knew this one was bad news but you failed to c0ckb0ck.

Let her go. Get yourself together. Learn about boundaries. Decide what a good marriage is for you. Make sure there are defined boundaries in your next relationship.


----------



## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> The next morning she comes home and admits that she met that guy downtown - he is a facebook friend and it was his birthday and he was home alone - they hung out, she got drunk, and crashed on his couch.
> 
> Copy/pasted to highlight all the red flags.
> 
> _A few weeks after that this guy comes to hang out at our place.. we are chatting, etc.. and he mentions hanging out with my wife at this girlfriend's house. Im thinking -why would she not tell me? Later I ask her. She admits it, and *also admits to going to lunch with him a few times over the last few weeks*. I tell her that I am not happy with her lying to me about this - and I would like for her to cool it with hanging out with this guy, and I think that he is a sneaky sh!t. *She apologizes, but says she wants him as a friend. *
> 
> *This Monday she went out with this guy for happy hour* - she said she was also meeting a girlfriend - I had other plans.* She did not get home until well after 2am*. I was home and awake - I had also checked the phone logs and saw that she was spending an unusual amount of time texting this guy. (maybe I was late in doing this research) *She pulled into the driveway and sat there for a while. Like, in the driveway for 10 minutes with the car off*
> 
> him: *I sure do have blueballs*
> her: *you should come to this party *at X house
> him: okay, *Ill see you soon*
> 
> Then texts from *the next morning*:
> 
> *her: thanks for not making me bleed*
> him: I made a video for you thinking about last night.
> 
> She said she wouldnt hang out with him, but *she is mad at me for being jealous and will sleep in the spare room for a while until she 'thinks about things' **She didnt text him until last night at around 1am - multiple times..*_
> 
> What more do you need????
> 
> What happy hour lasts until 2 am??
> 
> "Thanks for not making me bleed?" EWWWWWWWWWW.
> 
> It's laughable that SHE told YOU that she will move to the guest bedroom... to "think about things." :rofl: I would have kicked her out right then and there and told her she can GTFO and "think about things" but that you have thought about things and aren't going to live in an open marriage. Tell her she can go stay with the guy she's been cheating on you with.
> 
> Omg. And the worst part is...she brings him to your HOUSE. STOP IT! DO NOT LET THIS A$$HOLE in your house! They are straight up betraying you right in front of your face. It's revolting!


Obviously he is not coming into my house any more..


----------



## Jellybeans

jamie323 said:


> I was going to ask if I should call the other man.* I have a print out of all of the text messages. *


Jamie, do you know who OM's girlfriend is and how to contact her? Facebook? If so, copy/paste all the text messages you found and send them to her with a message saying:

*"It's recently come to my attention that my wife has been having an affair with your boyfriend since about Month/Date and possibly longer. My wife has openly admitted to staying the night at his house and they were together til 2 a.m. on Monday and last night she was texting him at 1 a.m. Below are the text messages I found between them:

(Copy/paste the messages)

If you were already awar of the affair, this will come as no surprise to you, but I thought you had a right to know. Please call me at #/email me back if you want to discuss this or have further information to share with me.

Sincerely,

Jaime"*

Now. When you do this............*DO NOT AT ALL TELL YOUR WIFE BEFOREHAND OR TELL THE OM first*. You want to do this with "shock and awe" and hit them by total surprise. Because if you let them know beforehand you are going to expose them--they WILL talk and get their stories straight and make you look like a psycho. Guaranteed.

Expose her to her friends/family. I bet her friends know, especially if they are hosting parties where these two are hooking up at.


----------



## jamie323

Almostrecovered said:


> well you can access the backup file and read the deleted texts after she syncs it
> 
> iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac


This doesnt read the deleted texts.. Ive done some research on it - it only reads the texts that are not marked 'deleted' Im not sure what it matters - its obvious that they have been sexually active, and I need to end this relationship. 

The only reason I came here was to get advice, since I didnt want to confront with this information blind. Im not a pu$$y, I just trusted my wife, and her explanations. I loved her very much, but right now I am disgusted with her.


----------



## snap

If you are confident you can physically overpower the OM, you can try confronting him. It's not that you should get into actual fight with him, but it will determine the dynamics of your conversation. Otherwise, you'll be in for more humiliation.

He'd likely try to weasel out anyway and lie in your face. So unless you just want (and are capable) to scare him, there is little point.


----------



## strugglinghusband

Jamie, read on this site, read and read, knowledge is power!!! 
these folks may sound like they are being harsh, but thier intent is to get you to THINK CLEARLY with you head instead of your heart..listen to them, save yourself some pain and time.

you said she has a kid, what kind of mother stays out partying and crashing at someones house because shes wasted?

Seems like you got all the ammo you really need at this point, the just a friend thing is total BS, they lie and lie and lie.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> I party without her, and we party together, and she parties without me. I didn't see the big deal at the time. I've crashed at a buds house when I was too intoxicated to drive home. Im sure we all have done that.


No, we all haven`t and that`s the point.
This is not how a secure committed couple acts.
If I were to call my wife and tell her I was crashing somewhere because I was trashed the first thing out of her mouth would be "Where are you? I`ll be there ASAP to pick you up"
When I sobered up I`d get my ass handed to me for ever being in that position in the first place and rightfully so.

I only keep harping on this because you will continue to get the same results if you don`t change the boundaries for future relationships.

I`ll drop it but please think about it because it`s important.



> Your right, maybe I was blindly trusting her - I guess I was living in a fantasy world where wives don't lie to their husbands. However, I'm not to blame for her cheating - it is all on her.


Lesson learned, trust no one entirely or blindly ever...NO ONE.
You are in no way to blame for her cheating but you can minimize the possibility of infidelity with some simple easy boundaries.

My advice is still to simply divorce this girl because that is truthfully what`s best for you.

However, if you choose to reconcile she must be willing to..

-Admit to the affair.
-Go no contact with ratty dude and anyone who was involved in the scene that led to ratty dude.
-Quit this destructive partying lifestyle.
-Apologize and display true painful remorse.
-Answer any and all of your questions no matter how intimate or painful.
-Give you complete access to all forms of communication/media.
-Do the heavy lifting necessary to repair your trust, this means go out of her way to insure your security by letting you know where she is and when she`ll be home and who she`s with.

I don`t think she`s mature enough to do any of this let alone all of it and anything less is not going to work.

This is a lot of work man and you`ll be years away from ever really trusting her again.

Is it worth it?


----------



## Entropy3000

jamie323 said:


> There is no reason to insult me. There is this funny thing called 'trust'. I trusted my wife - until she broke that trust. *Not everyone feels the need to chain their wives to the vacuum cleaner. I gave her rope, and she hung herself with it. In my view - its better to not be controlling and let your spouse make her own decision.* If she makes a bad one, maybe I dont need to be with her. Maybe I was naively trusting her, but I dont live with a jaded view of the world, nor do I live in a world of rose sunglasses. I knew something was up, and found what I needed to know. I just wondered what the best way to confront was, and if this was enough evidence of her sleeping with the guy.


Yes you are very naive. You are insulting others who have boundaries. Blind trust is simply lazy and ambivalent. Marriage does not work that way. It is about love and respect. Trust is a by product. Being afraid of being controlling is very submissive and weak. I am not trying to insult you, I am offering you some advice that you probably will reject right now, but likely will reflect on down the road. So I see it as tough love.

It is not being controlling to have boundaries. But you should see how your actions have done nothing but enable her behavior. Again she owns the affair but as a man you did nothing to protect your marriage either.

You need no evidence at all. I suggest you confront by having the papers drawn up and tell her that this behavior of hers is unacceptable.


----------



## Almostrecovered

jamie323 said:


> This doesnt read the deleted texts.. Ive done some research on it - it only reads the texts that are not marked 'deleted' Im not sure what it matters - its obvious that they have been sexually active, and I need to end this relationship.
> 
> The only reason I came here was to get advice, since I didnt want to confront with this information blind. Im not a pu$$y, I just trusted my wife, and her explanations. I loved her very much, but right now I am disgusted with her.


worked for me

it accesses the back up file which also backs up deleted texts

and it is fairly easy to get to the back up file anyways:




> if you have a mac go here:
> 
> Macintosh HD/Users/[insert user name]/Library/Application Support/MobileSync. In there is a folder called Backup
> 
> 
> then find the following files
> 
> Here are the files to look for on your WW's cpu:
> 
> 1) These are all text messages synced to cpu (deleted or not): 3d0d7e5fb2ce288813306e4d4636395e047a3d28
> 
> 2) These are all her contacts stored on phone: 31bb7ba8914766d4ba40d6dfb6113c8b614be442
> 
> 
> then do this
> 
> Copy to your desktop. Download TextPad, install, and then open the backup files in TextPad. Hard to read, but keep scrolling and it's all there.
> 
> 
> If you have a PC, find the files here and follow the steps above:
> 
> Documents and Settings\USERNAME\Application Data\Apple Computer\MobileSync\Backup
> 
> 
> note that almost all pc's have the notepad program already located in the "accessories" file


the file is difficult to read but you still can get thru it


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> No, we all haven`t and that`s the point.
> This is not how a secure committed couple acts.
> If I were to call my wife and tell her I was crashing somewhere because I was trashed the first thing out of her mouth would be "Where are you? I`ll be there ASAP to pick you up"
> When I sobered up I`d get my ass handed to me for ever being in that position in the first place and rightfully so.
> 
> I only keep harping on this because you will continue to get the same results if you don`t change the boundaries for future relationships.
> 
> I`ll drop it but please think about it because it`s important.
> 
> 
> 
> Lesson learned, trust no one entirely or blindly ever...NO ONE.
> You are in no way to blame for her cheating but you can minimize the possibility of infidelity with some simple easy boundaries.
> 
> My advice is still to simply divorce this girl because that is truthfully what`s best for you.
> 
> However, if you choose to reconcile she must be willing to..
> 
> -Admit to the affair.
> -Go no contact with ratty dude and anyone who was involved in the scene that led to ratty dude.
> -Quit this destructive partying lifestyle.
> -Apologize and display true painful remorse.
> -Answer any and all of your questions no matter how intimate or painful.
> -Give you complete access to all forms of communication/media.
> -Do the heavy lifting necessary to repair your trust, this means go out of her way to insure your security by letting you know where she is and when she`ll be home and who she`s with.
> 
> I don`t think she`s mature enough to do any of this let alone all of it and anything less is not going to work.
> 
> This is a lot of work man and you`ll be years away from ever really trusting her again.
> 
> Is it worth it?


No, I can never have sex with her again knowing that she has slept with another man. 

I managed to read a few deleted texts, and they have been exchanging naked photos (cant see them) and sexting for a couple of months. No redhanded texts like 'boy I liked being inside of you last night'. However, the text about making a video because of thinking about last night is damning. 

Boy was I a fool to be so trusting. The first lie about sleeping over at his house on his birthday should have been the last. The more and more I think about it, the more I want to go nuclear and destroy everyone in my path. Im going to tell his girlfriend, her parents, her friends, and kick her ass out of the house. What a moron. This guy lives in a dingy little apartment downtown, and we live in a beautiful 4 bedroom house in a nice gated community. I make all the money, and she has no right to any of it if we get divorced. I make plenty of money, and that b!tch is sucking me dry with her kids private school tuition, her car payment, insurance, etc. Im done.

She told me a little while ago 'We are in a bad place right now - its as much you as me, but I love the house, and love living there, I just need space to think more clearly'

I said 'I don't want you there if that's all you care about. You purposefully hurt me.'

She said 'Im not taking blame for having an affair - I didn't have one!'

I hung up after that.

How can I legally make her get out? Can I just change the locks while she is gone tonight or tomorrow and tell her to stay somewhere else?


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

tacoma said:


> My advice is still to simply divorce this girl because that is truthfully what`s best for you.
> 
> However, if you choose to reconcile she must be willing to..
> 
> -Admit to the affair.
> -Go no contact with ratty dude and anyone who was involved in the scene that led to ratty dude.
> -Quit this destructive partying lifestyle.
> -Apologize and display true painful remorse.
> -Answer any and all of your questions no matter how intimate or painful.
> -Give you complete access to all forms of communication/media.
> -Do the heavy lifting necessary to repair your trust, this means go out of her way to insure your security by letting you know where she is and when she`ll be home and who she`s with.
> 
> I don`t think she`s mature enough to do any of this let alone all of it and anything less is not going to work.
> 
> This is a lot of work man and you`ll be years away from ever really trusting her again.
> 
> Is it worth it?


:iagree:

Well said.


----------



## Almostrecovered

jamie323 said:


> How can I legal make her get out? Can I just change the locks while she is gone tonight or tomorrow and tell her to stay somewhere else?


it's not legal technically as it's shared property, but she may not know that 

personally I like the idea of leaving her stuff at OM's house


----------



## Entropy3000

Almostrecovered said:


> well regardless if you want r or d
> 
> do all this before confronting-
> 
> see a lawyer- at the very least know your options and even get some paperwork, if you want R you can always stop the divorce but showing her the consequence will show her you mean business
> 
> see a doctor- get std testing and look into anti depressants or anti anxiety meds
> 
> tell the OM's gf without informing your wife
> 
> 
> 
> lastly never reveal your sources


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Great advice


----------



## Almostrecovered

but really your first priority is a lawyer and getting papers drawn

consider getting a VAR to keep on your person in case she tries to falsely accuse you of something and you will have a record of your interactions with her

keep your calm as well, you really don't need to be thrown in jail for being violent


----------



## Jellybeans

jamie323 said:


> How can I legal make her get out? Can I just change the locks while she is gone tonight or tomorrow and tell her to stay somewhere else?


You may want to check with a lawyer to see what rights you ahve as far as changing the locks/deed/house/marital things. 

I would definitely tell her TODAY: *"Look, I know you are having an affair with X, and as such, I am not interested in being married to you. I am not interseted in an open marriage and I will not be insulted any further. You have brought this man into our home after the fact and I am not going to tolerate this in any way/shape or form."*

Then walk away and get ready for her to come at you denying it and yelling and screaming and shouting. *BE CALM*. The less emotional you are, the better. Tell her *"The fact that you can stand there and lie to me about having an affair with X is revolting. Like I said, I'm not interested in being married to you because you are having an affair and cheating on me." *

Walk away from her. Don't you at ALL *dare* budge from this position. Let her come to you. Let her fall into her the own hole she has dug.

HARD CONSEQUENCES are the only thing that works in these cases. You have a LOT more power than you think. And by the way, nobody thinks you are a pvssy--it's totally fine to trust yoru pouse... as long as they are being trustworthy--she has ruined that so it's up to her to first, even acknowledge she is cheating--cause she is. Until she does that, don't even give her the time of day. 

EXPOSE the affair to this guy's girlfriend and her friends STAT


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> Boy was I a fool to be so trusting. The first lie about sleeping over at his house on his birthday should have been the last. The more and more I think about it, the more I want to go nuclear and destroy everyone in my path. Im going to tell his girlfriend, her parents, her friends, and kick her ass out of the house.
> 
> How can I legal make her get out? Can I just change the locks while she is gone tonight or tomorrow and tell her to stay somewhere else?


You cannot legally kick her out so don`t go there.
If you have some form of leverage to use to get her to leave voluntarily that`s a beautiful thing.

I wouldn`t say a word to her if I were you, I know you`re pissed and hurt and it`s really hard to shut the **** up but it`s the best way to handle it.

You have to speak with a lawyer first thing and get the papers rolling.
The lawyer can advise you about what you can and cannot do in your state.

Once you`ve spoken to the lawyer out this affair to ratty dudes GF/wife.
Out the affair to her family because she will spin it as if you were at fault.

I`m truly sorry you`re here jamie.


----------



## Jellybeans

And yes, as AR said, NEVER EVER reveal your sources!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## aug

NotLikeYou said:


> Good luck- they say a wise man learns from the mistakes of others, but most betrayed spouses seem to prefer to earn their wisdom the hard way.


This is so true.


----------



## aug

jamie323 said:


> She has a child from a previous relationship. If we cant find a babysitter - I will watch him and vice versa. 'WE' dont have any children together. I party without her, and we party together, and she parties without me. I didn't see the big deal at the time. I've crashed at a buds house when I was too intoxicated to drive home. Im sure we all have done that.
> 
> Your right, maybe I was blindly trusting her - I guess I was living in a fantasy world where wives don't lie to their husbands. However, I'm not to blame for her cheating - it is all on her.



What? She has a child already. And you're the designated babysitter. 

What happened at her previous relationship? And did you confirm her story with a neutral third party?


----------



## 67flh

jamie, you gotta cut off her money supply...close joint accounts, change banks,open new accounts...quit paying for her affair.


----------



## PHTlump

67flh said:


> jamie, you gotta cut off her money supply...close joint accounts, change banks,open new accounts...quit paying for her affair.


He needs to check with his lawyer. He's probably justified in doing that, but he may hurt himself in the divorce proceedings if he does.

Get thee to a lawyer. ASAP.


----------



## Almostrecovered

he can take out half and close all credit cards that are joint without a problem


----------



## CH

jamie323 said:


> No, I can never have sex with her again knowing that she has slept with another man.
> 
> I managed to read a few deleted texts, and they have been exchanging naked photos (cant see them) and sexting for a couple of months. No redhanded texts like 'boy I liked being inside of you last night'. However, the text about making a video because of thinking about last night is damning.
> 
> Boy was I a fool to be so trusting. The first lie about sleeping over at his house on his birthday should have been the last. The more and more I think about it, the more I want to go nuclear and destroy everyone in my path. Im going to tell his girlfriend, her parents, her friends, and kick her ass out of the house. What a moron. This guy lives in a dingy little apartment downtown, and we live in a beautiful 4 bedroom house in a nice gated community. I make all the money, and she has no right to any of it if we get divorced. I make plenty of money, and that b!tch is sucking me dry with her kids private school tuition, her car payment, insurance, etc. Im done.
> 
> She told me a little while ago 'We are in a bad place right now - its as much you as me, but I love the house, and love living there, I just need space to think more clearly'
> 
> I said 'I don't want you there if that's all you care about. You purposefully hurt me.'
> 
> She said 'Im not taking blame for having an affair - I didn't have one!'
> 
> I hung up after that.
> 
> How can I legally make her get out? Can I just change the locks while she is gone tonight or tomorrow and tell her to stay somewhere else?


:smthumbup::smthumbup:

As to getting her out, get a lawyer and move ahead with the D. Legally she can still stay there until the D or until whatever she'll agree to (put it down in writing and have the lawyer make it part of D proceedings as to when she's out of your house). Luckily it hasn't been 10 years and community property laws don't apply yet, the child isn't yours and hopefully you didn't adopt her kid so no child support payments either.

You sir, just dodged the magic bullet from her. BTW when you tell her it's over, she's gonna cry, beg, cry more, beg to fix the marriage (sugar daddies are hard to find, especially the ones who are nice guys). Then she'll blame you for making her cheat, not paying attention to her, not doing things with her, etc...

Eventually she'll probably want to get nasty with the D and try to rake you over the coals and get every penny she can from you. Get a good lawyer, pay more to pay less in the end.


----------



## Entropy3000

jamie323 said:


> She has a child from a previous relationship. If we cant find a babysitter - I will watch him and vice versa. 'WE' dont have any children together. I party without her, and we party together, and she parties without me. I didn't see the big deal at the time. *I've crashed at a buds house when I was too intoxicated to drive home. Im sure we all have done that. *
> 
> Your right, maybe I was blindly trusting her - I guess I was living in a fantasy world where wives don't lie to their husbands. However, I'm not to blame for her cheating - it is all on her.


Not in my married life no. I would not even consider it. 

I got married when I was 23.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

jamie323 said:


> Needless to say, my wife lost her job - and about three months ago my wife says she is out with some girlfriends. We stay in contact, and at about 2 am, she says she is wasted and crashing at her girlfriend's house. I say sure. no problem!


Sorry, inappropriate behavior for a married woman.




> The next morning she comes home and admits that she met that guy downtown - he is a facebook friend and it was his birthday and he was home alone - they hung out, she got drunk, and crashed on his couch.


So not only did she lie about where she was staying, she was at another guy's place alone.

So she just crashed eh? Sorry, there is more to it.

And in any case, partying til the wee hours of the morning getting drunk is not acceptable behavior for a married person.

To say nothing about spending the night at another man's house.

Yes, she screwed the guy. I'd bet all the money I had on it.




> She volunteered this information.


Not really. She told you the night before she was crashing at a girlfriends place. She probably knew that there might be a chance you'd find out. So she told you. Did she completely forget she lied the night before?




> I was not happy about it, but glad she came clean. A few weeks after that my wife says she is crashing at another girlfriend's house to do a job. Im fine with it, and am not suspicious. A few weeks after that this guy comes to hang out at our place.. we are chatting, etc.. and he mentions hanging out with my wife at this girlfriend's house. Im thinking -why would she not tell me?


Why do you think? 



> Later I ask her. She admits it, and also admits to going to lunch with him a few times over the last few weeks. I tell her that I am not happy with her lying to me about this - and I would like for her to cool it with hanging out with this guy, and I think that he is a sneaky sh!t. She apologizes, but says she wants him as a friend. I warn her that she needs to be careful.
> 
> Fast forward. They have hung out a few times, he has even come over to my place a couple of times. He seems okay, but Im still uneasy. A couple of weeks ago my wife went to a girlfriend's birthday party and crashed at her place. This Monday she went out with this guy for happy hour - she said she was also meeting a girlfriend - I had other plans. She did not get home until well after 2am. I was home and awake - I had also checked the phone logs and saw that she was spending an unusual amount of time texting this guy. (maybe I was late in doing this research) She pulled into the driveway and sat there for a while. Like, in the driveway for 10 minutes with the car off. I lay in bed and pretend I am sleeping. She gets into bed and immediately passes out.
> 
> I grab her phone. Its got a code on it - this is new. I punch in a few numbers, and then punch in her birthday. viola. its unlocked. I go to read the texts to and from this guy. It appears she has deleted all of his texts prior to a month ago. Scrolling through the texts, most of it is just jibber jabber.. but there are quite a few texts where he says he misses her, and she says the same - has some xoxoxo hugs and kisses, etc. One of the texts is a picture of a singer with an orgasmic facial expression.. The singer looks like my wife, and the guy says "she looks like you, i recognize that expression' I keep looking, and find some texts from the night she went to her friend's birthday party. Needless to say at 1am she invited him to the party. The conversation basically went like this:
> 
> him: I sure do have blueballs
> her: you should come to this party at X house
> him: okay, Ill see you soon
> 
> Then texts from the next morning:
> 
> her: thanks for not making me bleed
> him: I made a video for you thinking about last night.
> 
> then back to regular chit chat. I find it strange that she didnt give him directions, and there was no address exchanged, etc.
> 
> At this point, I want to throw up and I put the phone back under her pillow. I feel really sick that I didnt notice the red flags earlier, and now it seems like she screwed the guy. I slept on the couch that night.
> 
> I told her yesterday that I think she is having an affair with this guy, she said I was crazy and that he is just a friend. I told her that I dont want her to hang out with him any more. She said she wouldnt hang out with him, but she is mad at me for being jealous and will sleep in the spare room for a while until she 'thinks about things' She didnt text him until last night at around 1am - multiple times..
> 
> What is the best way to confront with this evidence? It sure seems damning to me... She will get mad at me for snooping, but I dont care at this point. Please help!! I made screenshots, and I can print this stuff out. Should I just say 'look b!tch, I know you are cheating, here is the evidence, get out!' I love her like crazy, and our relationship has been great.. but now I feel sick.


Yup, she is f**** the guy. No kids? Time to tell her to pack her bags and move in with the other guy.

You haven't been married long, no real marital assets to fight over, and no kids. I'm telling you right now, the longer you wait, the worse it will get. You WILL regret staying married to this huss.

Get a divorce immediately!!!!


----------



## Dexter Morgan

warlock07 said:


> She can gaslight you easily if she is cheating . You need much concrete evidence.


No, he doesn't. He has all he needs to realize she is anything BUT a faithful wife.

She parties all the time, gets drunk, stays away from home all night long all too many times, lied about where she was, who she is with, and the sexual innuendos in the texts say it all. 

Now he just needs to get rid of her before its too late.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

jamie323 said:


> Im at work right now, and feel literally sick to my stomach. What does 'thanks for not making me bleed' mean? Good god, what the hell have they done?
> 
> She sent me a message saying she told him that she will cant see him any more. She said she did it for me, because she loves me and respects my wishes. Since I feel uneasy about him its easier to avoid accusations if she stops contact. However, she is going to need to stay in the other room because she is mad at me for 'backing her into a corner' and making her choose a friend or me. grrrrrrr


Bullsh*t. She is choosing partying, lying, and hanging out alone with another man over you.

Just tell her to get out dude. Then go out and get a good attorney.

If you don't, you will regret it. Mark my words.


----------



## Almostrecovered

some BS's are so in shock that they need the obvious to proceed.


he found more texts anyways and has all the proof he needs now so it's a moot point here


----------



## Almostrecovered

Dexter Morgan said:


> Bullsh*t. She is choosing partying, lying, and hanging out alone with another man over you.
> 
> Just tell her to get out dude. Then go out and get a good attorney.
> 
> If you don't, you will regret it. Mark my words.


maybe read the whole thread all the way thru? He's looking to kick her out now


----------



## Entropy3000

Dexter Morgan said:


> No, he doesn't. He has all he needs to realize she is anything BUT a faithful wife.
> 
> She parties all the time, gets drunk, stays away from home all night long all too many times, lied about where she was, who she is with, and the sexual innuendos in the texts say it all.
> 
> Now he just needs to get rid of her before its too late.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Just spending the night at that guys house was enough for me.

But he has come to the realization he needs her gone from his life. Good for him.


----------



## Almostrecovered

Entropy3000 said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> Just spending the night at that guys house was enough for me.



I also agree, but youve seen this self denial how many times here? Some guys just want more proof than really good circumstantial evidence (Shamwow was a perfect example of this, he had loads of circumstantial evidence but just had to get the texts retrieved and underwear tested)


----------



## warlock07

> 'We are in a bad place right now - its as much you as me, but I love the house, and love living there, I just need space to think more clearly'


Did she really say that? WTF?


----------



## Dexter Morgan

jamie323 said:


> How can I legally make her get out?


Legally you can't. If you own a house together, then you both probably don't have any significant equity in the house, other than maybe a down payment, to split. 

If she leaves, then she will need to sign a quit claim deed on the house and you will either owe her half the equity in the house(again, probably not very much in 3 years time), or if there is any marital debt, you can negotiate to take it in exchange for not paying her anything.

If she wants to keep the house, then you leave, sign the QCD, and she now owes you.




> Can I just change the locks while she is gone tonight or tomorrow and tell her to stay somewhere else?


Consult an attorney before doing anything. But no, you can't just change the locks.

You can ask her to leave, and if she had any sense of decency, she would honor your wishes.


----------



## Dadof3

To that, I would have said - but you've spent more time looking up at OM's ceiling than you've been at our house - especially at 2 am in the morning!


----------



## Entropy3000

Almostrecovered said:


> I also agree, but youve seen this self denial how many times here? Some guys just want more proof than really good circumstantial evidence (Shamwow was a perfect example of this, he had loads of circumstantial evidence but just had to get the texts retrieved and underwear tested)


Yes, I see that. It is also like anything else, your brain tells you one thing but you want to believe that your spouse would not do this so that you hope there is an innocent explanation beyond the usual reasoning. 

What makes his circumstance so difficult is that both of them had very liberal boundaries. i.e. they are both ok with a partying life style where they stay out all night. Later we also found out she wanted some space. Anyway, none of this is easy when it is your marriage.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

Almostrecovered said:


> maybe read the whole thread all the way thru? He's looking to kick her out now


Maybe I don't have time to read the whole thread through.

After coming back I see that now.


----------



## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> Did she really say that? WTF?


yes, she did.

I own the house in my name, and purchased it before being married, or even beginning to date. I wonder if that will help with getting her to leave. Her parents live here, so maybe she can live with them. The OM only has a single bedroom apartment, so she wont be living there - unless his GF dumps him and he gets a bigger place.

In one or two of her texts, she called him her 'playmate'. She also said thank you for trusting her, as she trusts him. Im assuming she means trusting to keep the affair hidden from his gf.


----------



## Almostrecovered

jamie323 said:


> yes, she did.
> 
> I own the house in my name, and purchased it before being married, or even beginning to date. I wonder if that will help with getting her to leave. Her parents live here, so maybe she can live with them. The OM only has a single bedroom apartment, so she wont be living there - unless his GF dumps him and he gets a bigger place.



this is why you should be on the phone with a lawyer and making an appointment


----------



## aug

Consider yourself having no more obligations to her. She lost any moral rights to your support when she started having sex outside the marriage.

Stop paying for her kid's private education and other things. Let her pick up her own load that she created. Stop funding any of her discretionary spending.

Drop her from your joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.

Change/update your will.

All this you can do now.


----------



## Dadof3

reality can hit her in the face. 

I'm not a lawyer, and I don't know the minute details of law regarding wholly owned home vs. marital dealings, but I think (please check with a lawyer first) that you'd be find changing the locks (unless state law prohibits you from preventing spousal cohabitation). 

Expose, expose, EXPOSE! 

Let Mom & Dad-In-law know what their daughter has done, ask them if they wouldn't be so kind as to allow her to reside with them until she gets her life straightened out, cause you won't be CUCKOLDED!


----------



## Entropy3000

I would be concerned about losing the house. So yes get a lawyer ASAP.


----------



## jamie323

Entropy3000 said:


> I would be concerned about losing the house. So yes get a lawyer ASAP.


Why would I lose the house, I bought it before I met her and its only in my name?


----------



## Almostrecovered

jamie323 said:


> Why would I lose the house, I bought it before I met her and its only in my name?


when you marry your assets become joint/shared assets unless you had a prenup


----------



## bryanp

CONTACT AN ATTORNEY NOW! Don't feel like you are the only one. She likes her lifestyle and clearly sees you as a great meal ticket. This scumbag makes it essential that you get tested for STD's. Your wife is a real piece of work. She is using you for her lifestyle and her kid. You will find someone else who will really appreciate and respect you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


----------



## CH

Almostrecovered said:


> when you marry your assets become joint/shared assets unless you had a prenup


10 years for community property laws, before then what you walked in with prior to the marriage is yours. But always talk to a lawyer because I don't know where you live, in the states or another country, etc...

10 years is the magic number, Kobe's wife waited to the 10 year mark with him and BAM, kicked him out. Now she gets 1/2 of all his earnings, assets, everything. Kobe got punked!!!!!


----------



## tacoma

Almostrecovered said:


> when you marry your assets become joint/shared assets unless you had a prenup


It depends on the state.

Here in Florida I bought my house prior to marriage so it`s mine.
Any equity that has been built into it since marriage is a fifty fifty split but the house itself is mine regardless.

I still don`t have the right to simply kick my wife out since this is our "marital home" but the details of when she leaves and how much of the equity she`s entitled to is up to a court if we were to divorce.


----------



## jamie323

Almostrecovered said:


> when you marry your assets become joint/shared assets unless you had a prenup


Well.. that sucks.. To be honest, its underwater by a lot - so she can take on the hassle.. hah Her car is in both our names, my car is just in my name.


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> It depends on the state.
> 
> Here in Florida I bought my house prior to marriage so it`s mine.
> Any equity that has been built into it since marriage is a fifty fifty split but the house itself is mine regardless.
> 
> I still don`t have the right to simply kick my wife out since this is our "marital home" but the details of when she leaves and how much of the equity she`s entitled to is up to a court if we were to divorce.


Okay, good.. I am in Florida as well, and its underwater so she gets nothing.


----------



## Almostrecovered

again all the more reason to check with a lawyer, I hope he gets it free and clear


----------



## jamie323

Wow, she asked me if I would watch her kid while she went out tonight. I said No. and she got pissy. Wow, her true colours are shining through bright and clear now.


----------



## Dadof3

WOW! She hasn't a freakin' clue!

Drop the nuke quick!


----------



## jamie323

Dadof3 said:


> WOW! She hasn't a freakin' clue!
> 
> Drop the nuke quick!


Yeah, this behavior is so weird.. She is mad at me for finding out about her affair.. even though she has denied it - she is 'mad at me' for even suggesting such a thing. Im going to confront her tomorrow night - since she will be drunk when she gets home tonight. If she comes home at all.. Im going to monitor the call log to see if she contacts this guy.. if so - Im going to go to his house, watch, and see if she is there.. I will have a bag of her clothes with me. 

Im over this.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> Wow, she asked me if I would watch her kid while she went out tonight. I said No. and she got pissy. *Wow, her true colours are shining through bright and clear now.*


That`s because you`ve found your testicles.


Give her nothing but don`t get into any arguments with her.

Be calm cool rational and in control.
Do not let her see your anger, do not let her push your buttons.

She will try to get a reaction out of you, don`t let anything she says get her that reaction.


----------



## Entropy3000

jamie323 said:


> Why would I lose the house, I bought it before I met her and its only in my name?


I don't know is all I am saying. I would want to make sure she does not defacto get half of everything. I agree that it would not make sense for you to lose your house. BUT, laws can be exasperating depending upon where you are. Things are not always fair. It would be safest to consult a lawyer.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> Yeah, this behavior is so weird.. She is mad at me for finding out about her affair.. even though she has denied it - she is 'mad at me' for even suggesting such a thing. Im going to confront her tomorrow night - since she will be drunk when she gets home tonight. If she comes home at all.. Im going to monitor the call log to see if she contacts this guy.. if so - Im going to go to his house, watch, and see if she is there.. I will have a bag of her clothes with me.
> 
> Im over this.


You shouldn`t do any of this.

Did she get a baysitter?

You need to call a lawyer right now and schedule a meeting.
You`ll get some advice over the phone on what to do and not to do in the meantime.
Let her have her fun for now, soon her whole world will come crashing down.


----------



## Entropy3000

cheatinghubby said:


> 10 years for community property laws, before then what you walked in with prior to the marriage is yours. But always talk to a lawyer because I don't know where you live, in the states or another country, etc...
> 
> 10 years is the magic number, Kobe's wife waited to the 10 year mark with him and BAM, kicked him out. Now she gets 1/2 of all his earnings, assets, everything. Kobe got punked!!!!!


Wow. I keep seeing folks on this forum whose spouses are cheating and many are right around the ten year mark. Wonder how much this plays into it if at all. Interesting. I did not know this.


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> You shouldn`t do any of this.
> 
> Did she get a baysitter?
> 
> You need to call a lawyer right now and schedule a meeting.
> You`ll get some advice over the phone on what to do and not to do in the meantime.
> Let her have her fun for now, soon her whole world will come crashing down.


I have to find out how much the lawyer is.. I may need to save up a little - since she has been sucking me dry for the last year.. Im barely making ends meet since I am paying for EVERYTHING. 

God , this sucks. But at least it happened now and not in 10 years.


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> You shouldn`t do any of this.
> 
> Did she get a baysitter?
> 
> You need to call a lawyer right now and schedule a meeting.
> You`ll get some advice over the phone on what to do and not to do in the meantime.
> Let her have her fun for now, soon her whole world will come crashing down.


Yes, she got a babysitter.. a friend of hers. 

The ratty guy is not attractive, and is 18 years older than she is, is going bald, and is 5'6 when she stands a good 5'11. (Im 6'2). Its dumb to compare, but what the hell?? Im sure its because he will do anything she says and will lick her boots if she asks. She is very concerned with image - so I cant imagine her friends taking kindly to some older doofus that she has cheated with. Her friends all like me, quite a bit.


----------



## Entropy3000

jamie323 said:


> Yeah, this behavior is so weird.. She is mad at me for finding out about her affair.. even though she has denied it - she is 'mad at me' for even suggesting such a thing. Im going to confront her tomorrow night - since she will be drunk when she gets home tonight. If she comes home at all.. Im going to monitor the call log to see if she contacts this guy.. if so - Im going to go to his house, watch, and see if she is there.. I will have a bag of her clothes with me.
> 
> Im over this.


So she is going out to get drunk tonight!? With all of this going on in her marriage. Rather than chill things out at the least she has to go out and get drunk ... again. 

I would probably go there with or without the call log activity. She may indeed just pick up some other guy.

Then again, I would have told her that you guys need to talk and she needs to be home and sober tonight.

Good that you are over this.


----------



## snap

jamie323 said:


> Im sure its because he will do anything she says and will lick her boots if she asks.


If I had to bet money on it, I'd venture to guess the opposite. She has you as doormat already, why would she want a second one? (No offense, been in your shoes)


----------



## Entropy3000

jamie323 said:


> I have to find out how much the lawyer is.. I may need to save up a little - since she has been sucking me dry for the last year.. Im barely making ends meet since I am paying for EVERYTHING.
> 
> God , this sucks. But at least it happened now and not in 10 years.


So she is not working!? You are paying for her to go out and get drunk? NFW. Oh yeah she can just have guys get her drunk so not having money will not stop that.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> I have to find out how much the lawyer is.. I may need to save up a little - since she has been sucking me dry for the last year.. Im barely making ends meet since I am paying for EVERYTHING.


At least give them a call and find out the money situation and they will give you some advice over the phone if they think they have a potential client in order to let you know what to do to keep from hurting their/your case.



> God , this sucks. But at least it happened now and not in 10 years.


That`s a good way to be thinking of this.



jamie323 said:


> The ratty guy is not attractive, and is 18 years older than she is, is going bald, and is 5'6 when she stands a good 5'11. (Im 6'2). Its dumb to compare, but what the hell?? Im sure its because he will do anything she says and will lick her boots if she asks. She is very concerned with image - so I cant imagine her friends taking kindly to some older doofus that she has cheated with. Her friends all like me, quite a bit.


I know, it doesn`t make a lick of sense but it happens all the time.
I don`t get it either but the idea that my wife could dump our life over someone who is obviously a loser is terrifying.


----------



## jamie323

Entropy3000 said:


> So she is not working!? You are paying for her to go out and get drunk? NFW. Oh yeah she can just have guys get her drunk so not having money will not stop that.


She is getting in free to a sporting event. One of her girlfriends works for the team. So it wont cost anything. 


As for the doormat thing, this guy is super weasely.. The kind of guy that - as soon as I come in the room he would scamper away, and as soon as I leave he would come back to whisper in her ear.

I am fighting the urge to go to his house and pound his head into gravy.. Im 6'2 220, and well built.. This guy has balls to sneak around behind my back. He is ugly, and his girlfriend is ugly AND overweight. He drives a piece of crap old toyota truck, lives in a crappy 1 br apartment, and is not appealing in any way. I guess thats why I never felt threatened. he just is not her style.. and to think this creep has been inside my wife makes me want to vomit.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> I am fighting the urge to go to his house and pound his head into gravy.


Keep fighting it, any contact with the OM is never going to gain you anything but has the potential to screw you royally.

Beyond exposing his affair with your wife to his girlfriend have nothing to do with him.

Of course if he should for some reason show up at your door knowing he`s not welcome you can do what you want with him.

Florida laws are pretty lenient on how you handle intruders in your home.


----------



## Entropy3000

jamie323 said:


> She is getting in free to a sporting event. One of her girlfriends works for the team. So it wont cost anything.
> 
> 
> As for the doormat thing, this guy is super weasely.. The kind of guy that - as soon as I come in the room he would scamper away, and as soon as I leave he would come back to whisper in her ear.
> 
> I am fighting the urge to go to his house and pound his head into gravy.. Im 6'2 220, and well built.. This guy has balls to sneak around behind my back. He is ugly, and his girlfriend is ugly AND overweight. He drives a piece of crap old toyota truck, lives in a crappy 1 br apartment, and is not appealing in any way. I guess thats why I never felt threatened. he just is not her style.


Too bad the GF did not supply a ticket for the two of you. Then again maybe she does have two tickets.


----------



## TRy

aug said:


> does she sync her iphone? If so, all her deleted text can be recovered, I believe.
> 
> Allow me to look at your situation bluntly.
> 
> You are married less than 3 years and she's already cheating on you, emotionally for sure, and extremely likely physically. She moved into another room indicates she wants to be loyal to her lover.
> 
> You have no kids.
> 
> There's nothing tying you to her other than emotions. So, if you decide to stay with her, the negative consequences for you are numerous. How can you trust her for the next 40-50 years when she should be loving you very deeply now, and instead she has already checked out of the marriage? Why do you need to have this type of turmoil in your life?
> 
> Start detaching yourself from her to protect your sanity and from the pain. Read up on the 180. Protect your finances and assets now.
> 
> There must be a better woman out there for you than her.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
You do not need to wait for more proof. She lies to you so that she can be with him. She has admitted to you that she went on a date to a bar with him behind your back, got drunk, went to his place, and spent the night. When she goes to her girlfriend's birthday party, he texts her "I sure do have blueballs", she tells him that he "should come to this party" and she does not come home that night either. She is obviously cheating dude. There is not doubt. You do not need to get her to admit it to know that she is cheating.

Her locking her phone and not sleeping with you tells you that it is not over. You need to file for divorce and only consider reconciliation if she agrees to your rules and boundaries. These should include full no contact with the OM ever again, complete transparency (full access to phone, text, and email), and full admission and remorse.


----------



## jamie323

Entropy3000 said:


> Too bad the GF did not supply a ticket for the two of you. Then again maybe she does have two tickets.


She can only get 2 tickets at a time.. (for her and a friend) She usually goes with her boyfriend, but he has to work tonight. She knows I love to go to these sporting events.. but didnt invite me. Im seeing that my wife is nothing but a spoiled brat, who thinks she deserves the world.

What is it with really hot chicks thinking that they are owed something just because they were born a certain way?


----------



## Dadof3

jamie323 said:


> Yeah, this behavior is so weird.. She is mad at me for finding out about her affair.. even though she has denied it - she is 'mad at me' for even suggesting such a thing. Im going to confront her tomorrow night - since she will be drunk when she gets home tonight. If she comes home at all.. Im going to monitor the call log to see if she contacts this guy.. if so - Im going to go to his house, watch, and see if she is there.. I will have a bag of her clothes with me.
> 
> Im over this.


Best defense is a great offense! 

Who's watching the kid if / when she goes?


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> Keep fighting it, any contact with the OM is never going to gain you anything but has the potential to screw you royally.
> 
> Beyond exposing his affair with your wife to his girlfriend have nothing to do with him.
> 
> Of course if he should for some reason show up at your door knowing he`s not welcome you can do what you want with him.
> 
> Florida laws are pretty lenient on how you handle intruders in your home.


Should I call him up with a fake number and tell him to come over for a free hair transplant then beat his a$$?


----------



## Dadof3

Whats up with hot chicks bangin' ugly dudes with low sex rank?


----------



## Shaggy

If she is so concerned about image, then make sure everyone knows what the OM looks like. Maybe include his picture in the email you will be sending out to friends and family outing her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma

Dadof3 said:


> Whats up with hot chicks bangin' ugly dudes with low sex rank?


Yeah I see this all the damn time.

Makes me want to lose my hair sit on the couch eating Doritos and cancel my gym membership.


----------



## jamie323

Dadof3 said:


> Whats up with hot chicks bangin' ugly dudes with low sex rank?


I am starting to think that the wife is just a **** that is craving attention from anyone. I give her plenty of attention, but I guess its not enough. Im putting a keylogger on her laptop tonight. We have a mac, and there is a pretty good free one.


----------



## jamie323

Shaggy said:


> If she is so concerned about image, then make sure everyone knows what the OM looks like. Maybe include his picture in the email you will be sending out to friends and family outing her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I want to get more info from her phone, so I am going to try and sneak it away for another backup today.. I need to see what she told him when she said she was telling him they couldnt hang out anymore.. I dont know why - masochistic curiosity?


----------



## warlock07

What will you do if she begs and apologizes?

Also get as much evidence as possible possible.





> Should I call him up with a fake number and tell him to come over for a free hair transplant then beat his a$$?


Could not stop laughing at taht scenario.


----------



## Dadof3

jamie323 said:


> I want to get more info from her phone, so I am going to try and sneak it away for another backup today.. I need to see what she told him when she said she was telling him they couldnt hang out anymore.. I dont know why - masochistic curiosity?


I call it the "need for transparency".

No contact is absolutely useless / worthless until there is a way to verify (transparency). Otherwise, waywards typically gas-light, blame-shift, and take the affair further underground.

The need for transparency is part of the natural "c0ckblock" instinct that someone alluded to in a prior post on your thread.

Hell - if I were you, I'd start showing up anywhere your W is (even if you have to buy yourself a ticket) and making your presence felt.


----------



## jamie323

Dadof3 said:


> I call it the "need for transparency".
> 
> No contact is absolutely useless / worthless until there is a way to verify (transparency). Otherwise, waywards typically gas-light, blame-shift, and take the affair further underground.
> 
> The need for transparency is part of the natural "c0ckblock" instinct that someone alluded to in a prior post on your thread.
> 
> Hell - if I were you, I'd start showing up anywhere your W is (even if you have to buy yourself a ticket) and making your presence felt.


I do not want to come off as a crazy person, where she can tell her friends 'see he is just a jealous crazyperson!!' 

Im just not so sure I want her back.. I mean, we have had a great run - but her having another man inside of her makes my gut wrench.. I mean, there is a small chance that they didnt do anything. But.. Like I said that list of texts before and after she went to the party was damning..

I didnt mention the entire thread, but there was other stuff.. you know, from him: I have blueballs - god I wish I was kissing you right now.. from her: I wish you were here, come here, hurry up, etc.

Just from that small string of 10 or so texts, I can see that they got together that night. That thought alone - that night alone - makes me sick and absolutely disgusted. I have had sex with her since that night.. We have sex unprotected - because we are married.. so having sex with her is like having sex with him.. It makes me want to vomit... I remember her coming home bringing me coffee, and us having a great day together.. oh man... 

after I said that I thought she was having an affair - she said that she didnt have any attraction to the guy.. Its all lies. Should I print the texts out from that night and show them to her when I confront? or just keep them to myself..


----------



## Dadof3

Two things:

1 - Biggest wayward spouse lie in the book: "They are not attractive to me"

2 - Don't reveal your sources. Reveal to friends and family (and OM GF) first, before you confront her.

You don't need to prove a thing - just lay out all of the evidence (and the crossing of marital boundaries, the lying, etc) logically and tell her the burden is on her. 

In your case, you are better off filing for D. Any other message tells her that what she has done is ok (at least down the road when you settle down a bit).

If reconciliation (R) is on the table - then you have to outlined all the hoops she has to jump through with there being NO guarantee that you'll want to stay married.


----------



## rrrbbbttt

Keep a secure copy in a safe place where only you have access.

Show her the Emails, Until the Blue Dress showed up the answer was Denial, Denial, Denial.

Generally hard evidence tends to catch the liar and they then have to pause to try and reformulate their story. " Oh, I was just kidding with him and I knew you would take it wrong, that is why I didn't tell you about it". If you want more excuses I can give them to you.


----------



## warlock07

Ok, here is what I am guessing would happen. She will first get angry for snooping on her. When it won't work, she will deny, then you show her you proof. She cries , apologizes, tells you that they sexted and flirted inappropriately, but nothing happened. After some pleading, she will agree that they did kiss but she did not have sex with him. She will apologize and will promise you that she will cut all contact. She absolutely denies that sex ever took place. Then what? You will be conflicted if the 0.00001 chance that she did not have sex is actually true. Commence more drama, secret affairs and more D-Days and bad mouthing you in front of her friends. Or you can find absolute proof so that you can dump her doubt free.


----------



## lou

I have a theory that unattractive people just work a lot harder for the affections of attractive people. That's what happened with my situation. I would tell (and show) my STBX that he was attractive, but I wasn't fawning over him day and night. The OW was short, dumpy and had a mustache. She spent half their conversations talking about how sexy he was. It's like when I was in high school (and therefore a lot dumber) and I would friendzone the crap out of ugly guys cause they'd tell me how beautiful I was (yikes, that makes me sound like a horrible person! I've grown up, I swear!)

I feel like our situations are relatively similar (we're both younger without kids, not married very long). The best thing is to disengage. This made my ex crazy. And it was much better seeing him going crazy than me! 

Don't be surprised if you flip flop 100 times before figuring out what to do. But if I were you I'd start the paperwork and back out if you feel with certainty you want her back at a later date. I think this way helps you maintain sanity (and the upper hand) as opposed to waiting around to divorce.


----------



## that_girl

Dadof3 said:


> Whats up with hot chicks bangin' ugly dudes with low sex rank?


They listen, they worship the women and they make her feel like a queen because they know they can't keep her. lol.


----------



## tacoma

Jamie,

Even if there is a chance to reconcile in the future you`d be better off starting the divorce papers to show her you`re not hesitating nor playing around.
Nothing says "I`m not ****ing around" quite like being served papers.

The process can be stopped any time along the way before a judge signs the papers.
Even if the D goes through there`s always a chance of reconciling anyway.

However going through with the divorce either way will gain back a huge chunk of the respect she has lost for you.
It is the first step to repairing your manhood/self respect.

She is extremely disrespectful, selfish, and entitled.
You need to ***** slap(figuratively) her to break her out of this sense of entitlement.
The papers are an excellent smack right in the face.
Whatever happens it will wake her up to the vulnerability of her situation.


----------



## snap

What tacoma says.


----------



## Jellybeans

jamie323 said:


> Wow, she asked me if I would watch her kid while she went out tonight. I said No. and she got pissy. Wow, her true colours are shining through bright and clear now.





tacoma said:


> That`s because you`ve found your testicles.


:rofl::rofl:

You guys are a laugh riot today.

Jaime, it's nuts she would go out tonight in light of everything but pretty typical for a wayward (amazing, right?). How old are you both? 

When you talk to her, tell her what I wrote before "I know you are having an affair with X and I dont' want to be married to you anymore because you're a lying cheater. I won't babysit for you and I am not going to tolerate this foolery."

TELL THE OM'S GIRLFRIEND TODAY! CAn you find out who she is????


----------



## Dexter Morgan

Entropy3000 said:


> I would be concerned about losing the house. So yes get a lawyer ASAP.


there really is no concern over losing the house. He may owe her 1/2 the equity that was accumulated between the time they got married and now, but that wouldn't amount to much.

He won't lose the house. Only thing he'll lose is a hussbag.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

jamie323 said:


> Why would I lose the house, I bought it before I met her and its only in my name?


Only being in your name means nothing, but you won't lose the house. You'd only owe her 1/2 the equity accumulated DURING the 3 years you were married, which won't be much is my guess.

And remember, if you two have any marital debt, she is liable for 1/2 of it.


----------



## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> You guys are a laugh riot today.
> 
> Jaime, it's nuts she would go out tonight in light of everything but pretty typical for a wayward (amazing, right?). How old are you both?
> 
> When you talk to her, tell her what I wrote before "I know you are having an affair with X and I dont' want to be married to you anymore because you're a lying cheater. I won't babysit for you and I am not going to tolerate this foolery."
> 
> TELL THE OM'S GIRLFRIEND TODAY! CAn you find out who she is????


I know who she is, I found her on facebook.. Im not sure how to find her phone number, though. Maybe I will just send her a message and tell her that we need to talk.

She is 28, I am 34, scumbag mcchamps is 47


----------



## Eli-Zor

jamie323 said:


> I know who she is, I found her on facebook.. Im not sure how to find her phone number, though. Maybe I will just send her a message and tell her that we need to talk.
> 
> She is 28, I am 34, scumbag mcchamps is 47


Message her pronto
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Jaime.....................

Find her on FB and send her a *private message*. She needs to know what's up STAT. Do this TODAY w/o any warning to your wife or the OM.

From my other post to you, write this in your private message:

_*"OM's Girlfriend,

It's recently come to my attention that my wife has been having an affair with your boyfriend X since about Month/Date and possibly longer. My wife has openly admitted to staying the night at his house and they were together til 2 a.m. on Monday and last night she was texting him at 1 a.m. Below are the text messages I found between them:

(Copy/paste the messages w/ the phone #s on them--the proof is what will seal you are telling the truth)

If you were already aware of the affair, this news will come as no surprise to you, but I thought you had a right to know. Please call me at #/email me back if you want to discuss this or have further information to share with me.

Sincerely,

Jaime"*_

Now. When you do this............* DO NOT AT ALL TELL YOUR WIFE BEFOREHAND OR TELL THE OM first*. You want to do this with "shock and awe" and hit them by total surprise. Because if you let them know beforehand you are going to expose them--they WILL talk and get their stories straight and make you look like a psycho. Guaranteed.

Expose her to her friends/family. I bet her friends know, especially if they are hosting parties where these two are hooking up at.

SEND HER THE MESSAGE TODAY. NOW!


----------



## Dexter Morgan

Almostrecovered said:


> when you marry your assets become joint/shared assets unless you had a prenup


Wrong. Only that which was accumulated DURING marriage is joint.

Trust me, I've gone through it. Everything I had BEFORE marriage was mine. That included balances in accounts, retirement, etc.

I had a house that I put $40K down. My wife was entitled to 1/2 the equity while married, but NONE of the down payment I made before I married.


----------



## tacoma

Dexter Morgan said:


> Wrong. Only that which was accumulated DURING marriage is joint.
> 
> Trust me, I've gone through it. Everything I had BEFORE marriage was mine. That included balances in accounts, retirement, etc.
> 
> I had a house that I put $40K down. My wife was entitled to 1/2 the equity while married, but NONE of the down payment I made before I married.


I think Dexter is right about this, at least in my state (Florida)

This is essentially the info my lawyer gave me years ago when I was considering marriage.

Jamie says his house is underwater so he`s free and clear there.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

tacoma said:


> I think Dexter is right about this, at least in my state (Florida)
> 
> This is essentially the info my lawyer gave me years ago when I was considering marriage.
> 
> Jamie says his house is underwater so he`s free and clear there.


That and he's only been married 3 years, heck, might even still be able to get an annulment if he bring out her unscrupulous behavior and breaking of the vows.


----------



## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> Jaime.....................
> 
> Find her on FB and send her a *private message*. She needs to know what's up STAT. Do this TODAY w/o any warning to your wife or the OM.
> 
> From my other post to you, write this in your private message:
> 
> _*"OM's Girlfriend,
> 
> It's recently come to my attention that my wife has been having an affair with your boyfriend X since about Month/Date and possibly longer. My wife has openly admitted to staying the night at his house and they were together til 2 a.m. on Monday and last night she was texting him at 1 a.m. Below are the text messages I found between them:
> 
> (Copy/paste the messages w/ the phone #s on them--the proof is what will seal you are telling the truth)
> 
> If you were already aware of the affair, this news will come as no surprise to you, but I thought you had a right to know. Please call me at #/email me back if you want to discuss this or have further information to share with me.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Jaime"*_
> 
> Now. When you do this............* DO NOT AT ALL TELL YOUR WIFE BEFOREHAND OR TELL THE OM first*. You want to do this with "shock and awe" and hit them by total surprise. Because if you let them know beforehand you are going to expose them--they WILL talk and get their stories straight and make you look like a psycho. Guaranteed.
> 
> Expose her to her friends/family. I bet her friends know, especially if they are hosting parties where these two are hooking up at.
> 
> SEND HER THE MESSAGE TODAY. NOW!


What do I do if my wife goes crazy and breaks **** at my house? Can I then have a restraining order against her and have her thrown out?


----------



## Chaparral

jamie323 said:


> What do I do if my wife goes crazy and breaks **** at my house? Can I then have a restraining order against her and have her thrown out?


Record it and call the police.


----------



## Jellybeans

jamie323 said:


> What do I do if my wife goes crazy and breaks **** at my house? Can I then have a restraining order against her and have her thrown out?


If she breaks sh*t and goes nuts on you, call the police. Re: restraining orders and having her thrown out, should it get to that point, you can ask the responding police--if that even happens.

Do not get emotional with her. REMAIN COOL. The more cool you are, the more it will throw her for a loop but YOU come out on top because you won't be nutty.

It's not YOUR fault she is cheating on you. That is a decision she made ALL on her own. Don't you EVER forget that. 

If she tries anything, call the police or walk out the door to go meet with a friend/family.

SEND THE MESSAGE TODAY.



Dadof3 said:


> Whats up with hot chicks bangin' ugly dudes with low sex rank?


The same thing that's up with hot guys bangin' ugly chicks with low sex rank.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> I know who she is, I found her on facebook.. Im not sure how to find her phone number, though. Maybe I will just send her a message and tell her that we need to talk.
> 
> She is 28, I am 34, scumbag mcchamps is 47


Send her a PM through Facebook stating that you have evidence her BF is in an affair with your wife.

Make copies of all the evidence you have and stick it in one package.

Ask her where and when you might be able to meet so you can give her this evidence.

You could just as well e-mail it all if it`s all text anyway I suppose.

Don`t forget to ask her some questions about ratty dude and their relationship.

-How long have they been together?
-Is/was marriage on their radar?

-Is she likely to reconcile with him?
This info could be valuable to you if whether you wish to R or D.
Knowing where ratty is going to be in your wifes life after his D-Day is good info.

-Is he prone to cheating? Has she suspected him or caught him before?
This is info that`s good to have in case your wife does run off with him.

Even besides the GF you should find any and all info about him you can.

Where does he work?
What does he do?
What does he make?
What`s his social life like?

This is all info that may become pertinent down the road.

Knowledge is power.


----------



## tacoma

Jellybeans said:


> If she tries anything, *call the police* or walk out the door to go meet with a friend/family.


This would normally be good advice but I`ve seen so many men call the cops when their woman was attacking them who ended up in jail because the police are stupid/biased (This is Florida we`re talking about) that I wouldn`t recommend calling the cops in his shoes.

At the very least Jamie keep a VAR on you when you confront so you have some evidence that those bruises she has are self inflicted from breaking the house up.




> The same thing that's up with hot guys bangin' ugly chicks with low sex rank.


Touche'


----------



## Eli-Zor

jamie323 said:


> What do I do if my wife goes crazy and breaks **** at my house? Can I then have a restraining order against her and have her thrown out?



Have a VAR close at hand and call the police if she gets violent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I would just email her (OM's Girlfriend) everything. No point in waiting to meet up or giving her time to talk to the OM so he has time to say how nutty Jaime is and how it's all lies and whatnot.
Just stick the evidence right there in the PM, that way it's indisputable. Tell her quickly--no point in waiting around.........

IMHO.


----------



## tacoma

Jellybeans said:


> I would just email her everything. No point in waiting to meet up or giving her time to talk to the OM so he has time to say how nutty Jaime is and how it's all lies and wahtnot.
> Just stick the evidence right there in the PM, that way it's indisputable. Tell her quickly--no point in waiting around.........
> 
> IMHO.


I agree...much better idea.

Just lay the evidence you have out in the PM if you can.


----------



## rd1011

Dexter is right. I live in Ohio and just finalized my divorce in Oct 2011. Everything I took into the marriage was mine to keep. Jamie, I have been following this thread since this morning when it started and I just want to say be strong man. I know from experience that there are gonna be some sad days for you in the future. You need to surround yourself with those who really love you. In the end you will be a stronger and smarter man. Good luck dude. I hope your wife ends up with nothing other than guilt and self loathing.


----------



## Almostrecovered

Dexter Morgan said:


> Wrong. Only that which was accumulated DURING marriage is joint.
> 
> Trust me, I've gone through it. Everything I had BEFORE marriage was mine. That included balances in accounts, retirement, etc.
> 
> I had a house that I put $40K down. My wife was entitled to 1/2 the equity while married, but NONE of the down payment I made before I married.


Glad I'm wrong
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> Send her a PM through Facebook stating that you have evidence her BF is in an affair with your wife.
> 
> Make copies of all the evidence you have and stick it in one package.
> 
> Ask her where and when you might be able to meet so you can give her this evidence.
> 
> You could just as well e-mail it all if it`s all text anyway I suppose.
> 
> Don`t forget to ask her some questions about ratty dude and their relationship.
> 
> -How long have they been together?
> -Is/was marriage on their radar?
> 
> -Is she likely to reconcile with him?
> This info could be valuable to you if whether you wish to R or D.
> Knowing where ratty is going to be in your wifes life after his D-Day is good info.
> 
> -Is he prone to cheating? Has she suspected him or caught him before?
> This is info that`s good to have in case your wife does run off with him.
> 
> Even besides the GF you should find any and all info about him you can.
> 
> Where does he work?
> What does he do?
> What does he make?
> What`s his social life like?
> 
> This is all info that may become pertinent down the road.
> 
> Knowledge is power.



His girlfriend and he are big downtown scenesters.. she has 500 friends on facebook and he has like 400. I think they have been together for 4 years, and may be having some problems - from what I understand. They dont live together

I know his gf has been jealous of my wife and him being friends.. its funny, my wife was telling me how ridiculous she is to be jealous - she would never mess with him. She was saying how much she didnt like his girlfriend because she was 'controlling'. I mean, my wife is hot - his gf is fat and ugly.

I mean, looking back - even now - almost everything she has said, and her attitude towards him has been only friendly - outwardly. She has told me how she feels bad for him because his girlfriend is a *****, and blah blah blah. Obviously its much different when they are together alone. Maybe my wife lied to him and told him that we are in an open relationship. I mean, who freaking knows at this point. It seems open relationships are hip now. Not hip to me.

All of the text evidence points to the fact that they are having an affair - or at least have had sex at least once, and have shared naked photos... a couple of the deleted texts went like this:

him: Did you get the pic?
her: yes, Im surprised you had it in you to send
him: well, I needed to send the results of what your pic did to me.

another deleted few:

her: I had to watch the video you sent one more time before deleting it
him: naughty girl!
him: Ill make you more whenever you want


Those exchanges were from middle of last month or earlier. (hard to tell dates in the deleted messages)

There was also a text referring to 'last week' and 'dont get all weird on me now' . Other texts referring to handjobs - and him alluding to the fact that she is an expert. Its hard to tell where they are joking and where they are serious.

There are deleted texts about wanting to go sex toy shopping with her, how he would love to see her in ecstasy riding so and so vibrator. 

Alot of texts saying how awesome and pretty she is, and at the end of saying how great she is 'I better not say any more'

Unfortunately, its all very jumbled in it's deleted form.


Im thinking, that since he is a wimpy little turd, if I tell his girlfriend - it will scare the bejebus out of him and will really screw with his social life. i.e. she will tell EVERYONE that he is a cheat.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> Im thinking, that since he is a wimpy little turd, if I tell his girlfriend - it will scare the bejebus out of him and will really screw with his social life. i.e. she will tell EVERYONE that he is a cheat.


I don`t know why you haven`t already told her and sent her the evidence.

Expose to his GF and call a lawyer.

Do these two things first.

The lawyers advice and how the fallout lands will tell you what your next step is


----------



## jamie323

tacoma said:


> I don`t know why you haven`t already told her and sent her the evidence.
> 
> Expose to his GF and call a lawyer.
> 
> Do these two things first.
> 
> The lawyers advice and how the fallout lands will tell you what your next step is


Im at work, and cannot get to the information until I get home.. which wont be for several hours. She is leaving around 6, and I want to get home after she is gone. I will gather the evidence (it will take time) and put it in one place and send it to his girlfriend.


----------



## tacoma

jamie323 said:


> Im at work, and cannot get to the information until I get home.. which wont be for several hours. She is leaving around 6, and I want to get home after she is gone. I will gather the evidence (it will take time) and put it in one place and send it to his girlfriend.


Good, then you call a lawyer first thing tomorrow yes?


----------



## Jellybeans

_I know his gf has been jealous of my wife and him being friends.. its funny, my wife was telling me how ridiculous she is to be jealous - she would never mess with him. She was saying how much she didnt like his girlfriend because she was 'controlling'. I mean, my wife is hot - his gf is fat and ugly._

Har har har. That's because his girlfriend was suspecting (rightfully so) that he is cheating on her. 

_him: Did you get the pic?
her: yes, Im surprised you had it in you to send
him: well, I needed to send the results of what your pic did to me._

Ew. That means he send her pics of his d!ck or possibly of him coming.

_*Im thinking, that since he is a wimpy little turd, if I tell his girlfriend - it will scare the bejebus out of him and will really screw with his social life. i.e. she will tell EVERYONE that he is a cheat. *_

DING DING DING. We have a winner! THIS is why you must expose!!! Seriouslllllllllllllllllllllllllly--what are you waiting for? Email his girlfriend TODAY on Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> _I know his gf has been jealous of my wife and him being friends.. its funny, my wife was telling me how ridiculous she is to be jealous - she would never mess with him. She was saying how much she didnt like his girlfriend because she was 'controlling'. I mean, my wife is hot - his gf is fat and ugly._
> 
> Har har har. That's because his girlfriend was suspecting (rightfully so) that he is cheating on her.
> 
> _him: Did you get the pic?
> her: yes, Im surprised you had it in you to send
> him: well, I needed to send the results of what your pic did to me._
> 
> Ew. That means he send her pics of his d!ck or possibly of him coming.
> 
> _*Im thinking, that since he is a wimpy little turd, if I tell his girlfriend - it will scare the bejebus out of him and will really screw with his social life. i.e. she will tell EVERYONE that he is a cheat. *_
> 
> DING DING DING. We have a winner! THIS is why you must expose!!! Seriouslllllllllllllllllllllllllly--what are you waiting for? Email his girlfriend TODAY on Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I will have to do it later tonight or tomorrow morning.. Evidence is at home.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

He's f*cking your wife and laughing under his breath when he hangs out in your home.

DESTROY HIM.

Blow up that disgusting piece of sh*t. If someone would have sent you a message warning you he had done this before would YOU have been so trusting and non chalant about them hanging out? Well do these "friends" of his that have wives the favor you never got.


----------



## Jellybeans

jamie323 said:


> I will have to do it later tonight or tomorrow morning.. Evidence is at home.


Do it tonight. STAT.


----------



## jamie323

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> He's f*cking your wife and laughing under his breath when he hangs out in your home.
> 
> DESTROY HIM.
> 
> Blow up that disgusting piece of sh*t. If someone would have sent you a message warning you he had done this before would YOU have been so trusting and non chalant about them hanging out? Well do these "friends" of his that have wives the favor you never got.


He has not been in my house for a couple of months. Its my belief based on evidence that nothing sexual happened until December. I have not seen him since after halloween or so. I dont remember dates exactly. Basically, we stopped all hanging out together right around the time the bad things began to happen.

He is divorced as well. Im sorry I dont remember dates and things.. this is all pretty new and Im feeling crazy,.


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## Eli-Zor

If he has 400 friends and you have access to his friends list you can seriously impare his willingness to continue with your wife 

"Facebook exposure: Should be done to the OP’s facebook friends via private message. This is a very, very effective exposure because it is a collection of the OP’s closest friends and family. SPACE THE PM’S OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO FB DOES NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING. Before you begin, copy and paste all the contacts into a WORD doc. Change your fb picture to a picture of you and your spouse and children.."

"Doing trickle exposures. Meaning exposing to just a few people but not to everyone that could have an influence. Trickle exposures are a disaster because they are not enough to kill the affair but just enough to infuriate the WS enough to come after the BS. So the exposure essentially only served to beat down the already beaten BS for no benefit."


"Originally Posted by :
Should be done to the OW/OM’s Facebook friends via private message. This is an effective exposure as it is a collection of the OW/OM’s closest friends and family. Space the private messages 60 seconds apart so Facebook does not shut you down for flooding the system. Copy and paste all the contacts into a word document. Change the gender as required. 


Dear friend of XXX (Full name)

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his/her friends should know the kind of person he/she really is. XXX is having an affair with my wife/husband , (name of your spouse) YYYY, from ZZZ (month or year) until ZZZ (month or year) . I believe that his/her friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him/her. My wife/husband and I have X small children and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage. 

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks. 

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you
(Betrayed Spouse’s name)"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration

Hit her in the morning, before she is thinking straight. Lay the e-mails out for her. Especially the one that says thanks for not making me bleed. Show her the proof, Separate finances, tell her you are going to divorce her, and you want her to move out now. Be direct, not angry, this should clear the fog. If she keeps saying she hasn't cheated, demand the polygraph test. 

If you hit her like this (an Alpha Male), she will eventually cave in. If you let her negotiate, lie, blame shift and beg and plead (Beta Male characteristics). She will lead you around by the nose.
She should be a mascara and snot running mess. Good luck.


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## TRy

Call a lawyer from work right now. Use the Internet to get names. Keep calling until you get one on the phone. Let her know that you have spoken to an attorney when you confront her.


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## Shaggy

I bet the following will go down tonight , she will be "drunk" again and staying at the girlfriends. Obviously she is having these women cover for her. 

When she's over there tonight drop the bomb on them on Facebook, they'll be too busy at 2-am and will wake up to the world hating them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Re: Your wife.........she can gaslight all she wants--you have the proof. You don't need anything else. It's clear from what they message eachother, they're having an affair.


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## krismimo

Jaime I feel for you I really do. How I look at it is... you did not make a mistake for trusting your wife you were married and trust SHOULD be there without trust you don't have much to work with.

Two however you decide to move forward weather if it is with her or without remember that not ALL women are like this. FOr example I'm 28 years old and I'm married and yes I do have my gf time and yes I have a few time to time. My husband does not mind I MADE sure. But we do have a agreement, either I call him or call a taxi. And even If I did spend the night it would be on a rear occassion not back to back to back. That is excessive. Married people should have fun but also be responsible. 

How I feel is it's not what you do it is how you do it. You can't stop people from doing dirt but if they do and they get caught which is what happened then there are consequences to your actions. And lets say for argurments sake that you didn't find those texts and she was telling you the truth about not sleeping with this guy, what astounds me is THE LACK OF RESPECT. I bet she wouldn't like it if you did all the things that she did to you. Infact I'm sure she would throw a sh** storm if you did this to her. 

And Third. Marriage is all about compromise and what bothers me besides the fact that she slept with this other guy she is neglecting and ignoring your feelings about an inappropiate friendship. And the way she is treating you is beyond not cool.

Divorce is a big deal and easier said then done, I do think that you should seperate yourself from her for awhile. She did you wrong no doubt about it but you need time to digest EVERYTHING and get your paperwork in order start getting things in order. But don't do this as a bluff or to scare her do this and only do this for you. Keep us posted and I'm sorry for all your troubles. 

-Kris


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## happyman64

Jamie,

I feel bad for you. Stay strong, get the evidence and tell everyone.

With your luck she might not even come home tonight.

Get her iphone and sync it.Pull the last text file and go to work.

Good Luck

Hm64


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## Kallan Pavithran

Two however you decide to move forward weather if it is with her or without remember that not ALL women are like this. FOr example I'm 28 years old and I'm married and yes I do have my gf time and yes I have a few time to time. My husband does not mind I MADE sure. But we do have a agreement, either I call him or call a taxi. And even If I did spend the night it would be on a rear occassion not back to back to back. That is excessive. Married people should have fun but also be responsible.


I AGREE WITH YOU KRISMIMO


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## Almostrecovered

hope your silence indicates you're busy with a lawyer and financials


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## jamie323

Almostrecovered said:


> hope your silence indicates you're busy with a lawyer and financials


The wife went to a friend's house last night with her kid. I know she was there, because the kid would have blabbed about being around some dude. 

I took the day off from work for personal reasons.. We have no mutual finances except for checking. I've taken half of what is in there and deposited it into my personal account and have changed direct deposit for work. 

I spoke to a lawyer this morning. Not retaining him, but got a lot of advise for a few hundred dollars. (grumble) If I retain him, I will get the money added into the retainer fee. Anyway, I wont lose the house and he said there is no way for me to owe alimony. at all. THere are a few items we purchased since being together, such as furniture.. However, electronics and things I owned before her. We may have to split a few things up. I dont have the dough right now to retain a lawyer, so I am going to try by myself.. Ive ordered the paperwork online, it should be here for me to fill out tomorrow.

I sent a facebook message to the girlfriend of the OM this morning. and the wife and I are going out to dinner where I will expose my knowledge of the affair - right there in public. After that, I am going to email her parents with evidence, and all of her close friends. Most of them probably already know, but I will tell them anyway. She has made a cuckold of me in front of these people - I can see it all very clearly now. Im sure she will make a scene in the restaurant. Im ready for it - unless anyone advises against this? Any other advise for me?


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## Shaggy

You need to carry a var on you when around her from now on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jamie323

This all sucks so bad, I really cant believe it is happening to me..


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## tacoma

I second the var she sOunds like she could be trouble. Cover your ass.
I think the restaurant confrontation is a good idea just remember those witnesses can work against you as well as for you if you don't keep your cool.

Calm, cool, & rational to the point of being cold
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

Are you fb friends with OM'S gf? I know fb doesn't alert people to non friends messages so it can be easily missed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI

Are the Emails already composed? It's better to write them now while you're still in a decent emotional state. Theres no telling the impact that her response will have on you. The last thing that you want is for the emails to read as vindictive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach

do you have a iphone? if you do there are several voice recording and "spy" apps... if you don't as Shag & Tacoma said... get a VAR. like yesterday.

You need one. For your own protection and because you wil want her reaction documented. 

BTW, if the lawyer didnt tell you or you didnt ask... it is not illegal to record 2 party conversations that you are involved in. 

(*But keep in mind, for a recording to be admissable in court you have to inform her you are doing this. Simply tell her "im recording this" as long as its audible on the recording that you mentioned it.)


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## hec

Wherever there's smoke there's fire...and whenever you have "that feeling" it's usually right....her loyalty is to you and she needs to not only respect you, she needs to respect the marriage as well...she's only divulging information here and there to make it seem that he's just a friend, but as usual, people who are up to no good get comfortable and they tend to make mistakes....then when they get caught they try to make it seem that you're the paranoid, delusional, senseless person for even coming up with this idea....

she's going to deny all of it and you're both going to fight a lot and be angry for a very long while....when you're in love or have a crush nothing else matters, that's why you're all upset and she's over there going out and texting him....she is emotionally involved with him and as far as physically, everything seems to point in that direction...you have enough evidence, no guy should be texting a married woman that he has blue balls and she doesn't even stop him, she continues to text him continuously....

don't lose yourself in the process and confront her with all the evidence you've got and tell her you're not going to be humiliated any longer....tell her she can stay with that clown or that you're going to be the better person in all of this and want to go to marriage counseling, talk to her friends that you can talk to you, talk to your friends, try every option before throwing divorce out there....

she's lucky you don't kick this guy in the balls and really give him blue balls....even take a video of the horse kick to the groin and text both of them that you too made a video....


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## Jellybeans

jamie323 said:


> I sent a facebook message to the girlfriend of the OM this morning. and the wife and I are going out to dinner where I will expose my knowledge of the affair - right there in public. After that, I am going to email her parents with evidence, and all of her close friends. Most of them probably already know, but I will tell them anyway. She has made a cuckold of me in front of these people - I can see it all very clearly now. Im sure she will make a scene in the restaurant. Im ready for it - unless anyone advises against this? Any other advise for me?


Did OM's girlfriend ever write you back? 

Be calm whenyou go to dinner. Do not make a scene. She might, but you can always walk away. All you need to do is tell her "I am fully aware of your affair with X. To deny it to my face is insulting, so don't go there. I am not interested in this marriage as long as you're cheating." Be calm, cool, confident, no emotions.

You move quickly, grasshopper.

She is going to go nuts but don't follow suit. Just tell her calmly "Don't lie to me. I know the truth. And I dont want to be married to you anymore. " No emotions. Whatsoever.


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## Jellybeans

Shaggy said:


> You need to carry a var on you when around her from now on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Get one for when you go to dinner and record everything in case she tries to say something happened that didn't.


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## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree: Get one for when you go to dinner and record everything in case she tries to say something happened that didn't.


Do they have them at best buy?


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## Almostrecovered

Probably definitely at staples or walmart
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma

Best buy should have them, I know Walmart does and I saw them at Kmart last week.

Office supply stores have them too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach

yes, @ best buy, staples, walmart, radioshack... etc, etc.. As I mentioned if you already have an iphone there are a number of apps that do this.. the VARs at the retail stores are in the 50-150 range... the iphone apps are only a couple bucks.

*edit* here's a post about a free one.. here


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## Initfortheduration

Absolutely tell her at dinner. But be completely matter of fact about it. Kinda of like you are talking about the weather or some trivial thing and in the middle of it, and without changing tone, tell her:

*"Oh, I found out you were screwing someone behind my back, so I took the liberty of filling out the paperwork for a divorce. You know, protecting my assets and insuring you don't take me to the cleaners. So, how was work today?"
*
It would be priceless. Because if she thinks you're joking, you can show her the e-mails. Just really rock her. Then produce the papers and say. 
*
"Come on, there is nothing of value that has been aquired since we married. We just split the stuff up".
*
Then tell her:

* "You see, if you just give me a quiet divorce then your family doesn't need to know what a lying, cheating, skank you are". *

Again, you are totally composed. Produce the divorce papers and a pen. And be direct when you hand them to her.


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## Jellybeans

How'd it go last night?


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## jamie323

I had been monitoring the phone logs for the last couple of days - and she as not talked to the 'OM' since like the day after I told her to stop talking to him.. I got a message from the OM gf only this morning saying 'thanks for telling me what a scumbag my boyfriend is, I kind of had an idea that this was happening.'

Well, we had dinner last night. It actually went well, no yelling or name calling or anything. She copped to letting things 'go too far' with her friend before I said anything about him. Since the phone logs did not indicate contact with him since I exposed, I can assume she did this because of pressure from another friend, or she just felt extremely guilty.?

It was actually somewhat surreal. She came out with it, before I even asked. She said that I was right feeling suspicious about him. That he had been paying lots of attention to her, and had given her a few gifts (I didnt even know about this). He gave her a $200 gift certificate to a salon?! She said she was not attracted to him in any way, but he was nice and gave her lots of attention. Things went too far and she began messing around with sexting, and that he had been very aggressive about sending her naked photos of himself.. and that he begged for her to send pictures - then she agreed and sent one or two. She said she just loved all of the attention that he was giving her, even though it was wrong. She said she hasn't been feeling sexy, and that it felt nice to be worshiped by someone. 

She admitted that she got super drunk over at her friend's birthday party and invited him over around 1ish. She said that was mad at me, because we got into a little argument earlier (I was annoyed that she didnt invite me to the party, and ironically I had asked if she was meeting this guy there) He came over, they made out some. She said he grabbed her breast fairly hard and she stopped him. She has fairly new nipple piercings - so, Im assuming thats why she said 'thanks for not making me bleed' the next day. She said that this is the only time that anything happened physically, and that he was only over there for about 45 minutes. I believe that he was only there for a short time - because she was texting me non stop that night from midnight to 1:45 then started up again at 2:30. Her messages to him to come over were at 1:20.. so, I think he showed up, then left soon after.

She said the reason she wants to sleep in the other room for now, is because she feels embarrassed and disgusted at herself. Of course, she let the waterworks flow.. She said what a bad person she was, and that I didn't deserve to be treated this way - etc. It seemed pretty genuine.

I asked her why she would hang out with him again after that episode - and she said that she just wanted to pretend that it didn't happen... (based on all of her text messages from the day of the 'incident' at the party, and the last time they went out - they never spoke of it, and she never asked for the 'video' he made for her)

I demanded to see her phone, and she gave it to me.. I read the last few messages that she sent him.. She said that she felt miserable for what happened, and that she can no longer be friends with him now that they went too far. He actually said 'We can still be friends and forget about that stupid night' She replied with 'No we cant. Sorry' to which he replied 'fine, bye'

Im on the fence about reconciliation, if indeed she is telling the whole truth - I may never know. She agreed to full no contact, full transparency. I told her that I am keeping my finances separate for now, because Im still pretty pissed about what happened. I told her point blank that her going out all night partying days are over - unless Im with her. If she wants that, she can be single, but if she wants to be married - she needs to act like a wife and respect me. 

This isnt really how I expected things to go, I thought I would have to fight her tooth and nail to get any information.. but she seems to have just volunteered it. For now, I am just going to monitor her activity to see if all of this is real, or if she is just trickling the truth out.

Any advise or opinion would be great.


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## Jellybeans

Glad to hear she came out with it before you said anything. 

And GOOD for you for telling his girlfriend.

Now, the ball sits in your court. She is doing what she needs to, thus far, for a reconciliation to happen: talking openly about it, being transparent, cutting off contact with OM. 

The question is: what do YOU want? And if you DO want your marriage, don't make it easy for her. She has destroyed your trust so she needs to earn it back.

Marriage counselling? Get to the root of why this happened, what she feels led her to this (granted, it was a choice, but...) and find out what YOU want in your relationship too.


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## PHTlump

I would contact the OM's girlfriend and ask whether she confronted him. Find out what his story is. If he admits to sex, then your wife is probably lying. If not, she may be telling the truth.

Her story sounds plausible. It explains the texts well, so it could be true.

So you have to decide what to do. She certainly betrayed you. And you can walk away with few financial consequences and no consequences concerning child custody.

On one hand, you could reconcile and have a better marriage for the rest of your life. On the other, your wife may have shown herself to be lacking in character. When other stressful times in your marriage come up, she may fall right back to this kind of behavior. If she'll let things go too far with an unattractive man, what will happen when an attractive man starts putting the moves on her?

There's no right answer. You just have to do what is right for you.

Good luck.


----------



## Jellybeans

PHTlump said:


> I would contact the OM's girlfriend and ask whether she confronted him. Find out what his story is. If he admits to sex, then your wife is probably lying. If not, she may be telling the truth.


:iagree:


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## aeg512

One option you do have is to sit her down at the dinner table and while looking at her, tell her about your trust issues and ask if she is willing to take a poly to help you heal. You need to be ready to follow up with it but just her reaction will tell you a lot. If you do this you should look for a tester that trains others, you have the chance for better results.


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## jamie323

It makes me said - I can tell she is remorseful. After I went to bed, I was starting to doze off and she came in and sat on the corner of the bed. She said 'Dont say anything, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for all of this. I love you'

Then she went out and closed the door.


I dont think I will do the polygraph thing..


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## bryanp

For about $350 you can have a polygraph done. It sounds like some excellent damage control on her part. It also sounds like she knew that you knew as well. What does making out mean? She made it sound like she was a victim almost. Why is a married woman making out with another man? Is it all right for you to make out with another woman?

I know that I am cynical but I have a hunch she knew that you knew what was going on and she imagined a change of lifestyle for her and no more expensive tuition for her child. I think a $350 polygraph would give you some piece of mind. It just sounds a little bit too perfect from her angle. Good luck.


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## bryanp

She already admitted to making out with another man but because she said she loved you, you are willing to forego a polygraph. What is wrong with this picture?


----------



## Halien

jamie323 said:


> This isnt really how I expected things to go, I thought I would have to fight her tooth and nail to get any information.. but she seems to have just volunteered it. For now, I am just going to monitor her activity to see if all of this is real, or if she is just trickling the truth out.
> 
> Any advise or opinion would be great.


Wow! Seems like you are now thinking that you probably got all worked up over something that was pretty harmless. So, you're okay with the chats about wanting to go shopping together for sex toys, her being with him all those times alone, even after the two of you were together, the sex videos, wanting to meet his needs, etc? Ever consider that she gave you a washed down version of what happened just because she thought that her openness and self-abasement would make you feel sorry for her? I wonder if she's just that good at reading you. Really good. 

I really don't mean this to sound sarcastic, but when our world goes crazy, and out of control, we'll grasp at any life line that comes our way. Even if that lifeline is provided by the one who made our world go crazy. Problem is, once you are back on dry land, all that huge mess of stuff that you wiped away starts nagging you. There is a real underlying problem in the fact that she could so easy use her anger at you over a small situation justify getting into a highly charged sexual situation with a low life like the OM. What happens when things aren't super great between you two, and a really decent competitor for her affections comes along?


----------



## jamie323

Halien said:


> Wow! Seems like you are now thinking that you probably got all worked up over something that was pretty harmless. So, you're okay with the chats about wanting to go shopping together for sex toys, her being with him all those times alone, even after the two of you were together, the sex videos, wanting to meet his needs, etc? Ever consider that she gave you a washed down version of what happened just because she thought that her openness and self-abasement would make you feel sorry for her? I wonder if she's just that good at reading you. Really good.
> 
> I really don't mean this to sound sarcastic, but when our world goes crazy, and out of control, we'll grasp at any life line that comes our way. Even if that lifeline is provided by the one who made our world go crazy. Problem is, once you are back on dry land, all that huge mess of stuff that you wiped away starts nagging you. There is a real underlying problem in the fact that she could so easy use her anger at you over a small situation justify getting into a highly charged sexual situation with a low life like the OM.




Im considering the fact that she gave me a 'washed down' version of the facts. Im quite pissed at her, and have not decided if I want to continue to be with her or not. Im not very fond of the idea that every time we get into an argument that she go and rub her t!ts on some other dude's nose.

Her version of making out - was.. They were kissing, and grabbing each other a little - she said nothing below the waist.. but Im not sure - and then he grabbed her boob - it hurt and snapped her out of it, and they stopped fooling around, and he left.

Its really hard to tell, honestly, where fantasy meets reality. 98 percent of the text messages to/from him were innocuous. It seems like just about anything 'sexy' or whatever started from him. It was him who said 'I want to go sex shopping with you' and 'i want to see you playing with a vibrator'... she just said 'hey how are you' to him the night of the party, and he is like 'I have blueballs' Immediately jumping into sex talk.. She was wasted at 1am - mispelled texts, etc. 

There is no excuse for her actions. Especially when I warned her several times to be careful with this guy. I told her - if her and I are to stay together, there will be no more late night party sessions. No more going out with male friends one on one, and thats it. No more secret phone passwords. If she doesnt like it - that tells me that she wants to be single. 

She needs to see a therapist to deal with her self confidence, self image issues. This is something we discussed last night. She is just not happy with herself - and needs constant validation. This guy fawning after her was validation.

She is a wonderful person, but obviously has some personal demons to exercise. I think we may have a successful relationship if she can work on fixing her personal issues - if I decide to reconsile... Unless you are happy with yourself, you cant be happy with another person.


----------



## Halien

jamie323 said:


> Im considering the fact that she gave me a 'washed down' version of the facts. Im quite pissed at her, and have not decided if I want to continue to be with her or not. Im not very fond of the idea that every time we get into an argument that she go and rub her t!ts on some other dude's nose.
> 
> Her version of making out - was.. They were kissing, and grabbing each other a little - she said nothing below the waist.. but Im not sure - and then he grabbed her boob - it hurt and snapped her out of it, and they stopped fooling around, and he left.
> 
> Its really hard to tell, honestly, where fantasy meets reality. 98 percent of the text messages to/from him were innocuous. It seems like just about anything 'sexy' or whatever started from him. It was him who said 'I want to go sex shopping with you' and 'i want to see you playing with a vibrator'... she just said 'hey how are you' to him the night of the party, and he is like 'I have blueballs' Immediately jumping into sex talk.. She was wasted at 1am - mispelled texts, etc.
> 
> There is no excuse for her actions. Especially when I warned her several times to be careful with this guy. I told her - if her and I are to stay together, there will be no more late night party sessions. No more going out with male friends one on one, and thats it. No more secret phone passwords. If she doesnt like it - that tells me that she wants to be single.
> 
> She needs to see a therapist to deal with her self confidence, self image issues. This is something we discussed last night. She is just not happy with herself - and needs constant validation. This guy fawning after her was validation.
> 
> She is a wonderful person, but obviously has some personal demons to exercise. I think we may have a successful relationship if she can work on fixing her personal issues - if I decide to reconsile... Unless you are happy with yourself, you cant be happy with another person.


This a very healthy approach to looking at it, in my opinion. I really hope for the best, and I'm sorry that you are going through this.


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## warlock07

Could it have been a pre-emptive strike? Could she have realized that you found out about her messages before you confronted her?


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## Almostrecovered

it is uncommon to get such a confession unsolicited (altho she definitely tried to soften up her intentions or trickle truthed you)


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## WhyinSC

I would do a poly without hesitation. Just mentioning it and seeing her reaction would be worth it. One "heartfelt" admission of "her version of truth" would never be enough for me to issue a get out of jail card. Way too much at stake... I would want to make sure I was getting the whole truth. No downside to doing one really that I can think of.


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## sinnister

Do not get soft by her remorse. There was no remorse fo a loyal, caring and trusting man who also happens to provide for her when she decided to mess around with this dude.

No guy is going to talk about her handjob skills if he doesn't have the experience...think about it....

I'm sorry but more went on that night then she's saying. Why is it that "stupid night" as he refers to it? What did he REALLY do to ruin his affair with your wife? Grabbing her breast too hard snapped her out of it? C'mon man.


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## aug

She's good! She knows you well and knows how to deal with you. She has the skill. She's smart. She can probably keep that up for quite a while. 

I would think she will learn from her mistake and she will handle her next affair better.


----------



## spudster

Yeah. What about the handjob reference? 



> There was also a text referring to 'last week' and 'dont get all weird on me now' . Other texts referring to handjobs - and him alluding to the fact that she is an expert. Its hard to tell where they are joking and where they are serious.


Did you ever confront her with this tasty bit of info you gleaned? That is a hell of alot more than just petting.

I do think you're getting half-truths from her. Another heart-to-heart with her is in order. Show her the printouts of the emails and make her account for every dirty detail. If she won't, well then....bye, bye!


----------



## StrangerThanFiction

jamie323 said:


> She told me a little while ago 'We are in a bad place right now - its as much you as me, but I love the house, and love living there, I just need space to think more clearly'


You know what, I’m all for reconciliation and fresh starts and things becoming better than they ever were before. But there is a time and a place for that and it can’t magically happen in every circumstance.
It is my opinion that you are being trickle truthed to death and that she realized what she is about to lose and has pulled the wool over your eyes, getting you to see what you want to believe, not what is true.

To help you remember some of what you‘ve said in the last few days I pasted a few choice comments about your circumstances. I think you need to look at what you posted and ask yourself why are you even considering discounting all you wrote in the past week.


I came into the room and this guy and my wife were sitting REALLY close together. I came in, went to the bar quick, and went over to where they were sitting - and the guy had moved seats quick.

The next morning she comes home and admits that she met that guy downtown - he is a facebook friend and it was his birthday and he was home alone - they hung out, she got drunk, and crashed on his couch. 

She admits it, and also admits to going to lunch with him a few times over the last few weeks. I tell her that I am not happy with her lying to me about this 

They have hung out a few times, he has even come over to my place a couple of times. 

This Monday she went out with this guy for happy hour - she said she was also meeting a girlfriend - I had other plans. She did not get home until well after 2am. 

One of the texts is a picture of a singer with an orgasmic facial expression.. The singer looks like my wife, and the guy says "she looks like you, i recognize that expression' I keep looking, and find some texts from the night she went to her friend's birthday party. Needless to say at 1am she invited him to the party. The conversation basically went like this:

him: I sure do have blueballs
her: you should come to this party at X house
him: okay, Ill see you soon

Then texts from the next morning:

her: thanks for not making me bleed
him: I made a video for you thinking about last night.

YOU: “its obvious that they have been sexually active, and I need to end this relationship.”
YOU “No, I can never have sex with her again knowing that she has slept with another man.”
they have been exchanging naked photos (cant see them) and sexting for a couple of months. No redhanded texts like 'boy I liked being inside of you last night'. However, the text about making a video because of thinking about last night is damning. 
In one or two of her texts, she called him her 'playmate'.

HER: “its as much you as me, but I love the house, and love living there,”

Read that last text again – she loves your house and loves living there. Her words.


----------



## jamie323

StrangerThanFiction said:


> You know what, I’m all for reconciliation and fresh starts and things becoming better than they ever were before. But there is a time and a place for that and it can’t magically happen in every circumstance.
> It is my opinion that you are being trickle truthed to death and that she realized what she is about to lose and has pulled the wool over your eyes, getting you to see what you want to believe, not what is true.
> 
> To help you remember some of what you‘ve said in the last few days I pasted a few choice comments about your circumstances. I think you need to look at what you posted and ask yourself why are you even considering discounting all you wrote in the past week.
> 
> 
> I came into the room and this guy and my wife were sitting REALLY close together. I came in, went to the bar quick, and went over to where they were sitting - and the guy had moved seats quick.
> 
> The next morning she comes home and admits that she met that guy downtown - he is a facebook friend and it was his birthday and he was home alone - they hung out, she got drunk, and crashed on his couch.
> 
> She admits it, and also admits to going to lunch with him a few times over the last few weeks. I tell her that I am not happy with her lying to me about this
> 
> They have hung out a few times, he has even come over to my place a couple of times.
> 
> This Monday she went out with this guy for happy hour - she said she was also meeting a girlfriend - I had other plans. She did not get home until well after 2am.
> 
> One of the texts is a picture of a singer with an orgasmic facial expression.. The singer looks like my wife, and the guy says "she looks like you, i recognize that expression' I keep looking, and find some texts from the night she went to her friend's birthday party. Needless to say at 1am she invited him to the party. The conversation basically went like this:
> 
> him: I sure do have blueballs
> her: you should come to this party at X house
> him: okay, Ill see you soon
> 
> Then texts from the next morning:
> 
> her: thanks for not making me bleed
> him: I made a video for you thinking about last night.
> 
> YOU: “its obvious that they have been sexually active, and I need to end this relationship.”
> YOU “No, I can never have sex with her again knowing that she has slept with another man.”
> they have been exchanging naked photos (cant see them) and sexting for a couple of months. No redhanded texts like 'boy I liked being inside of you last night'. However, the text about making a video because of thinking about last night is damning.
> In one or two of her texts, she called him her 'playmate'.
> 
> HER: “its as much you as me, but I love the house, and love living there,”
> 
> Read that last text again – she loves your house and loves living there. Her words.


I know.. im wondering if the reason she came forward is because the other night - after we got into the first argument about her fidelity - she went to her friends house and her friend told her she is an idiot? Or, her friend that got my email saying that she cheated called her and and called her an idiot? Could it be possible that the friend told her to do damage control? All of these things are possible.

I agree, it does seem like it may be trickle truth. However, I did not mention several things to her friend/guy's girlfriend - that she apologized for. She has no idea I can read her deleted texts.. the existing texts on her phone do not mention exchange of naked photos - yet she told me about doing it. She told me about him giving her gifts - that I had no idea about. So, she is either coming clean, really good at BS, or trickling the truth out.

Im not going to just say 'oh great, thanks I forgive you' I am going to continue to investigate. I am going to get a VAR for her car and our bedroom this weekend. Ive put a keylogger on the computers in the house. She will not sleep in my bed until I am sure there is nothing going on, if even then. As I said, Im not so sure I want to reconcile yet. Its going to take some thinking on my part - and some heavy lifting on her part. 


Ive gone through her texts with a fairly fine toothed comb. As far as the handjob references. There were several.. Him talking about how he likes them, (it seems everything sexual starts with him saying something overt). In several texts - he mentions handjobs and she specifically says ' Im not a handjob girl'... Then on another day he talks about handjobs and says something along the lines of 'you know all about those' So it almost seems like he is teasing her or something.. I dont know, reading deleted texts is hard since they arent exactly in order.. but the guy is a piece of work, for sure. She fell right into it - loving every minute of the attention. Her boundaries are obviously out of whack. 

None of the texts I have read refer to them having sex or really doing anything - other than the one night at the party.


----------



## warlock07

> Or, her friend that got my email saying that she cheated called her and and called her an idiot? Could it be possible that the friend told her to do damage control?


Her friend , meaning the OM's gf? Did I miss this part? Can you detail on this a little more?

But I am 100% sure that she is doing damage control and she definitely knew that you found out her texts. Did she give you a bit more than the information in the text? I don't think so. It is highly likely that there was oral.(The orgasm face) 

You tell her to be wary of this guy and she exactly goes and fools around with him? Atleast that shows how much respect she has for you.

Good time to get a post nup. She seems to be leeching on you anyway.


I think once your primary fear was assuaged, you immediately went into damage repair mode. This is where BS go wrong regularly.


----------



## StrangerThanFiction

jamie323 said:


> the existing texts on her phone do not mention exchange of naked photos - yet she told me about doing it. She told me about him giving her gifts - that I had no idea about. So, she is either coming clean, really good at BS, or trickling the truth out.


That last sentence of yours is really the crux of it. All you do know is that you've caught her in lies throughout this process, you say. a quote i find interesting:

“Cathy's lies were never innocent. Their purpose was to escape punishment, or work, or responsibility, and they were used for profit. Most liars are tripped up either because they forget what they have told or because the lie is suddenly faced with an incontrovertible truth. But Cathy did not forget her lies, and she developed the most effective method of lying. *She stayed close enough to the truth so that one could never be sure. *She knew two other methods also -- either *to interlard her lies with truth *or to tell a truth as though it were a lie. If one is accused of a lie and it turns out to be the truth, there is a backlog that will last a long time and protect a number of untruths.” 
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden


----------



## Jellybeans

W4ell there is no zero way of us knowing whether she told the truth or not.

She did own an inappropriate relationship with the guy which is good, IMO. Most people NEVER come outright like that and confess to cheating. It's a rarity. And she did it.


----------



## warlock07

get a post-nup. She is already a proven liar. Also stop paying for her son. Make her take a job so that she appreciates what she has now and instead of having too much free time, drinking and passing out on friend's couches. She has too much to lose how if she confesses(if she was actually cheating). So be careful


----------



## TRy

jamie323 said:


> She admitted that she got super drunk over at her friend's birthday party and invited him over around 1ish. She said that was mad at me, because we got into a little argument earlier (I was annoyed that she didnt invite me to the party, and ironically I had asked if she was meeting this guy there)


 Let me get this straight. She was mad at you for being annoyed "that she didnt invite" you to the party and then turns around and invites the OM to the party and makes out with him. You have a real problem because this is cheaters logic.

What happened was not just one of those things that happened. She made it happen. The exchange of nude pictures also did not just happen. She knowingly cheated when she was not drunk.

It is doubtful that she has told you the whole truth. More happened and you need to find out. You also should agree to R right away. You need to think this through. She needs to feel that she may really lose you for her to respect you enough not to cheat again.


----------



## Jellybeans

Jamie--it's completely up to you whether to reconcile or not. Set boundaries either way but ultimately, the buck stops with you. It's your decision how to handle it from here on out.


----------



## lordmayhem

This whole situation can be summed up as follows.










AND










That is all. Disregard the excellent advice that you've been given by everyone here at your own peril.


----------



## The_Good_Wife

> However, she is going to need to stay in the other room because she is mad at me for 'backing her into a corner' and making her choose a friend or me. grrrrrrr


Omg! How can u still stand to have her in your house???


----------



## jamie323

lordmayhem said:


> This whole situation can be summed up as follows.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AND
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That is all. Disregard the excellent advice that you've been given by everyone here at your own peril.



Im not disregarding any advice.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

What you wife is doing is damage control. period.

I thought you might find this interesting... The same as you have found this forum (likely search engine). There are a equal number of resources out there for women like your wife who has cheated and needs advice....

Any of it sound familiar?



> If your are a woman and you have been unfaithful to your partner:
> 
> Firstly don't tell him. If you can possibly get away with not mentioning it, do so. If you can possibly get away with lying (saying that you were both too drunk, or you decided at the last minute that you couldn't go through with it etc) then do it. People are very good at believing what they want to hear, and this will be easier to lie about than you expect.
> 
> If you feel the need to confess, then convert to Catholicism and tell the local priest or something. Don't assume that just because you would be willing to forgive him a similar transgression that he will do likewise. Male and female infidelity are fundamentally different.
> 
> If you have told him, then your relationship is probably over. There is no genetic benefit in raising someone else's children, and you will have just cast considerable doubt over the paternity of past or future children. Even if there are actually no children, it doesn't matter - it's in the genetic programming. Even if you can demonstrate paternity though a DNA test, it doesn't matter - it's in the genetic programming.
> 
> But if you want to try to save the relationship then do some damage control. It is critical that say that you did it because the other guy showed he cared for you (or something similar). Don't make the mistake of saying that the sex was good, or that your lover had attributes that you partner doesn't, and talk about the sex as little as possible, and as dismissively as possible. If you want your relationship to survive, then you partner must think that this was a temporary thing, and that your partner's shortcoming were only behavioral.
> 
> Use cliches like 'I was lonely' or 'I just needed to feel loved'. They are your best bet.


----------



## Unsure in Seattle

Wow. That's just the ultimate, isn't it? Unbelieveable.


----------



## jamie323

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> What you wife is doing is damage control. period.
> 
> I thought you might find this interesting... The same as you have found this forum (likely search engine). There are a equal number of resources out there for women like your wife who has cheated and needs advice....
> 
> Any of it sound familiar?


All I can do is keep monitoring her activity, and make a decision from there whether I will be able to deal with the fact that I dont positively know 'what they did together'. 

The facts are simple: she cheated on me. Now I just need to decide if I can forgive her and move on. At this point, Im not so sure. All I can do is monitor and verify.


----------



## warlock07

sunk-cost fallacy
When one makes a hopeless investment, one sometimes reasons: I can’t stop now, otherwise what I’ve invested so far will be lost. This is true, of course, but irrelevant to whether one should continue to invest in the project. Everything one has invested is lost regardless. If there is no hope for success in the future from the investment, then the fact that one has already lost a bundle should lead one to the conclusion that the rational thing to do is to withdraw from the project.


----------



## hookares

jamie323 said:


> All I can do is keep monitoring her activity, and make a decision from there whether I will be able to deal with the fact that I dont positively know 'what they did together'.
> 
> The facts are simple: she cheated on me. Now I just need to decide if I can forgive her and move on. At this point, Im not so sure. All I can do is monitor and verify.



Late to this party, but here's my take based on past experiences (mine). I think she and her "man" are having a tiff and she's back in camp trying to smooth things over because, "she loves the house and likes living there".
She may also have found somebody else, (not you) and is biding her time until she can launch a new program.
My reasons for my views are that she doesn't appear to be wishing any close contact with you and is just hanging around hoping you won't get too eager to repair things physically.
Been there and saw that, and like you didn't really comprehend what was REALLY going on until MUCH later.


----------



## tacoma

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> What you wife is doing is damage control. period.
> 
> I thought you might find this interesting... The same as you have found this forum (likely search engine). There are a equal number of resources out there for women like your wife who has cheated and needs advice....
> 
> Any of it sound familiar?


Damn, I just Googled "How to get away with cheating" and for more resources to help you cheat than I`ve ever seen to help someone catch a cheater.

There`s an android/blackberry app that hides chosen phone numbers from call logs, e-mail, contacts, and text.

Jesus


----------



## warlock07

Just what a tech aware cheater can do...


----------



## Eli-Zor

Jamie ; this is bigger than she cheated and your forgiving her. Absolute honesty is required for you to heal, today you cannot trust what she says. A concern is she admitted the affair way to quickly , for you own sake consider the option of a ploygraph.

Pit 's posting is a good example of advice waywards are given. There are sites out there that have dedicated threads on what to do and say if caught . You have to assume the worst until you have verified the truth .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TallE

here's what happened:

1) you PM'd OM's gf the sext messages in the morning.

2) OM's gf goes ballistic on OM about the sexts.

3) OM calls W and tells her that you are in posession of their sexts. W puts 2 and 2 together and realizes that your next move (which you telegraphed) is to blast her at dinner with all of your evidence. W decides to counter.

4) W has until dinner to come up with a story that fit with sexts. This includes using her nipple pearcings to explain "bleeding" comment. Comes up with a plan to come clean first, even before you accused her of anything making it seem as if she couldn't bear the guilt giving her remorsefulness instant credibility.

5) W delivers an academy award winning performance at the restaurant.

6) Performance is so good that she actually manages to get you to do all the rug sweeping for her and stops you from exposing the affair to everyone else.

W - 1
J - 0


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

jamie323 said:


> The facts are simple: she cheated on me. Now I just need to decide if I can forgive her and move on. At this point, Im not so sure. All I can do is monitor and verify.


You are correct, and you seem to have an appropriate emotional distance right now. Keep it. 

She is a manipulator, and it appears she is a very good at it.

If she runs in the "in" crowd, what you described as downtowners.... I know these chicks very very well... I hope she not anything like the soho chicks in my area. ohhh geez. uber shallow, highly manipulative and straight evil at times. 

My old GF was in that scene.. she'd have other chicks come over and hang out and I would listen to what these chicks would say... it literally would blow your mind how they view guys. lol. No marriage could survive that scene... toxic is putting it mildly.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

tacoma said:


> Damn, I just Googled "How to get away with cheating" and for more resources to help you cheat than I`ve ever seen to help someone catch a cheater.


I know, sick isnt it? Opens your eyes... the "script" is right there... instructions and all. disgusting huh?


----------



## Entropy3000

So it comes down to where your boundaries are. If I found my wife texting / emailing a guy and handjobs were discussed at all, it would have crossed the line. I would not have to prove to myself she did it to know we were done. Would I try to get proof of it ... probably, but I would already be done.

But that is just me. Easy for me to say no doubt. But you have all the proof you need. Honestly there are better women out there. Stockholm Syndrome may apply here.


----------



## jamie323

TallE said:


> here's what happened:
> 
> 1) you PM'd OM's gf the sext messages in the morning.
> 
> 2) OM's gf goes ballistic on OM about the sexts.
> 
> 3) OM calls W and tells her that you are in posession of their sexts. W puts 2 and 2 together and realizes that your next move (which you telegraphed) is to blast her at dinner with all of your evidence. W decides to counter.
> 
> 4) W has until dinner to come up with a story that fit with sexts. This includes using her nipple pearcings to explain "bleeding" comment. Comes up with a plan to come clean first, even before you accused her of anything making it seem as if she couldn't bear the guilt giving her remorselessness instant credibility.
> 
> 5) W delivers an academy award winning performance at the restaurant.
> 
> 6) Performance is so good that she actually manages to get you to do all the rug sweeping for her and stops you from exposing the affair to everyone else.
> 
> W - 1
> J - 0


There was no contact between the wife and the OM between the time that I sent a facebook message to the girlfriend and our dinner last night. Ive verified in our cell logs. it doesnt even appear that the GF read the message until late late last night.

Im thinking that the wife talked to her friend last night (This is actually a family friend of ours who we usually spend major holidays with) and they told her to either a> confess everything or b> go into damage control mode and only tell as much as necessary to assuage my fears.

It will be difficult if not impossible to know for sure.


----------



## warlock07

how does the family friend know?


----------



## aug

You dont have a child with her. In fact, you're taking care of her child she had with someone else.

The only thing I see holding you to her is emotions. She had shown that count for naught. She has shown no loyalty to you other than a need for financial support.

Encouraging such behavior in her is depressing.

Anyways, you need time to assimilate it all. She'll be alright no matter what you decide. She seems, from what you have written, to be extremely capable of taking care of herself.


----------



## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> how does the family friend know?


I would only assume that she told her, and asked for advice.. They are very close, so thats only a guess..


----------



## Speed

Ok. Devils advocate.

You don't divorce her. You try to move past it. She plays the fair game and is loyal.


You try to move past it. TRY. Can you? Can you deal with wondering every time that she leaves the house if she is going to betray you again? Can you deal with the reality of knowing that she can lie directly to your face and not flinch? She can blame shift without blinking to make you feel like you are losing your mind? 

Can you live with being her warden? Is that the life you want for yourself?

You need to answer these questions and weigh your options. Is what you currently have, what she has made of your marriage, worth it?

What I think of her "confession": She knew the gig was up. She knew that the hammer was coming down and only she was going to be the one to suffer. It was so easy for her to play you to hide it, it shouldn't be too difficult to control it. She began operation damage control, offered herself up for sacrifice with the gift of information and minimalized the situation, which twisted you. She is a crafty one.

If she was truly sorry. If she knew in her heart that it was wrong she could have told you the second it happened and removed the burden from her shoulders. But she didn't.


----------



## Shaggy

The fact that she is sleeping apart from you at a time she should be throwing herself at you is worrisome. Get the polygraph, it will do both of you good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

I'm repeating this. 
Post nup

Post nup

Post nup

Post nup

Post nup

Post nup

Post nup

Post nup


----------



## happyman64

Jamie,

I think you know everything that happened. I think your wife is sleeping in the other room because she knows she f'd up and is feeling guilty for her behavior.

Did she cheat? Yes.
Did she lie to you? Yes.

Did she have to come clean and be honest with you? No.
The fact is she did.

Stay watchful. Get her some IC help so she can work on her self esteem issues.

Set your conditions in place for reconciliation.

See if she earns your trust back. See if she earns your love back.

Communicate with her. Take your time and them make a decision.

Don't waste the money on the polygraph unless you feel there is anything else to know. I think you did a great job getting the facts in such a short time frame.

Good Luck,

Hm64


----------



## Bugz Bunny

Come on man,why are you torturing yourself,why do you like to suffer...? 

You have enough money to pay for her ****,you have enough money to pay for her kids school,but you wont pay for the polygraph so that you can be sure what happened...

I think you are afraid of the truth,and next time she will cover it better...

Please my friend dont live in a lie...

Good Luck


----------



## tacoma

Jamie is obviously this woman`s meal ticket and that`s just fine when all things are equal.

All things are far from equal at the moment and it sounds like they never really were.

I`ve been a cheater and I was good at it.
When I was cornered and the game was up I changed the game.

I`d tie it up and risk it all on sudden death as I had nothing to lose anyway.

What I`m saying is I`ve done what your wife did in that restaurant Jamie.
She tossed that Hail Mary and tied it up, you slacked on the coverage and now you`re looking at OT when just moments ago you thought the game was over..

Yesterday there was only one simple answer to this problem.
She was a cheating ***** who disrespected and used you.
She had to go.
Don`t think she doesn`t know this

The only thing that`s changed is she was cunning enough to buy some time and fog your head.
Don`t think for a minute it wasn`t intentional.

Don`t fall for it, she gave you nothing she wasn`t forced to give if she wanted to keep her nice house and private schools.

Nothing has changed.


----------



## rd1011

Jamie, 

I would hate to be in your shoes right now. I applaud you for your reasoning and course of action. I guess you have to go with you gut at this point. Either way I support you all the way. I have noticed you are a good communicator Jamie. You are articulate and well spoken. That being the case you might want to use that to your advantage. I think if I was in your situation I would "talk details to death" At some point I would even probably try to incite anger on her part and believe me every detail of her response to everything she says and even her body language I would note. I would give her rope and more rope. Good luck man!!


----------



## lordmayhem

jamie323 said:


> There was no contact between the wife and the OM between the time that I sent a facebook message to the girlfriend and our dinner last night. Ive verified in our cell logs. it doesnt even appear that the GF read the message until late late last night.
> 
> Im thinking that the wife talked to her friend last night (This is actually a family friend of ours who we usually spend major holidays with) and they told her to either a> confess everything or b> go into damage control mode and only tell as much as necessary to assuage my fears.
> 
> It will be difficult if not impossible to know for sure.


You do know about pay as you go disposable phones right? The secret cell phone and the secret email accounts are the two biggest tools in the cheater inventory. Thats why we use keyloggers and VARs to combat those. She knows you can check the call logs. She'll use another method now. The first thing they do on confrontation is take the affair underground. Install the keylogger and get a couple of VARs. Install the VAR under the seat of her car.

IMHO, if you arent at the very least using a keylogger and a VAR, then you aren't really verifying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jamie323

lordmayhem said:


> You do know about pay as you go disposable phones right? The secret cell phone and the secret email accounts are the two biggest tools in the cheater inventory. Thats why we use keyloggers and VARs to combat those. She knows you can check the call logs. She'll use another method now. The first thing they do on confrontation is take the affair underground. Install the keylogger and get a couple of VARs. Install the VAR under the seat of her car.
> 
> IMHO, if you arent at the very least using a keylogger and a VAR, then you aren't really verifying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have a keylogger installed on all computers in the house. I seriously doubt she bought a throwaway phone over the last few days..

Last night my wife got a text from the guy pissed off accusing her of telling his girlfriend. She didnt get them until this morning. She showed me as soon as she got them. Basically the messages were:

"why did you tell GF? What the Fvck? why would you do that to me?"

lots of hello? where are you? .. and he called her a stupid b!tch. 

It was about 10 messages in a row - each one getting angrier and angrier until he finally cursed her.

My wife already knew that I told the girlfriend, along with a couple of her friends.. so the messages were not a surprise to her.

I then texted him back the following using a google voice number:

"This is wife's husband. Im the one who told your girlfriend that you are a scumbag. If you have a problem with it, speak to me. Never speak to my wife again."

I think my wife is truly freaked out about what transpired between them.. I think she thought it was harmless flirting, and loved the attention. Then things got out of control , and now she feels like a miserable sh!t. Of course I could be wrong. I dont want to be a complete cynic - but I dont want to be naive again either.


----------



## lordmayhem

jamie323 said:


> I have a keylogger installed on all computers in the house. I seriously doubt she bought a throwaway phone over the last few days..
> 
> Last night my wife got a text from the guy pissed off accusing her of telling his girlfriend. She didnt get them until this morning. She showed me as soon as she got them. Basically the messages were:
> 
> "why did you tell GF? What the Fvck? why would you do that to me?"
> 
> lots of hello? where are you? .. and he called her a stupid b!tch.
> 
> It was about 10 messages in a row - each one getting angrier and angrier until he finally cursed her.
> 
> My wife already knew that I told the girlfriend, along with a couple of her friends.. so the messages were not a surprise to her.
> 
> I then texted him back the following using a google voice number:
> 
> "This is wife's husband. Im the one who told your girlfriend that you are a scumbag. If you have a problem with it, speak to me. Never speak to my wife again."
> 
> I think my wife is truly freaked out about what transpired between them.. I think she thought it was harmless flirting, and loved the attention. Then things got out of control , and now she feels like a miserable sh!t. Of course I could be wrong. I dont want to be a complete cynic - but I dont want to be naive again either.


Alright, that confirms no secret cell phone. Great job on exposing the EA to the OMGF. He won't likely be fishing anytime soon.


----------



## Shaggy

lordmayhem said:


> Alright, that confirms no secret cell phone. Great job on exposing the EA to the OMGF. He won't likely be fishing anytime soon.


I agree this means no secret cell, the one thing I do know about scumbags is they lack any real sense, meaning he WILL try to contact her down the road.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calif_hope

Agree, guys like this are stupidly arrogant, he will try contact again ti obtain either one of two results: 1. he will fish, to see if she is willing or 2. To tweak you. Guy is an ass
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Agree. He is a *********. A little short slimy one. And Jaime, your wife should be freaked out for messing around with a pos like him and having him over your house.

I am glad you wised up Jaime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## spudster

> "This is wife's husband. Im the one who told your girlfriend that you are a scumbag. If you have a problem with it, speak to me. Never speak to my wife again."


Good going Jaimie323!!! :smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

You are starting to take your marriage back!


----------



## that_girl

Nice!

And what a nice way for him to show his true colors...calling her a stupid b!tch. 

What a piece of sh!t.


----------



## working_together

Shaggy said:


> The fact that she is sleeping apart from you at a time she should be throwing herself at you is worrisome. Get the polygraph, it will do both of you good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought this weird too.


----------



## Chaparral

I would say this is about 90% chance of being as good a happy ending that you can find on this kind of forum. The other 10% bothers me.


----------



## Chaparral

working_together said:


> I thought this weird too.


Maybe there is something she doesn't want him to see.


----------



## spudster

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by working_together
> I thought this weird too.
> 
> Maybe there is something she doesn't want him to see.


She is hiding something. She probably has a cell phone Jamie doesn't know about. 

The msg that the OM sent to the wife could have been a fake to throw Jamie off the trail. Interesting that of all the e-mails she was getting from the OM, this was the only one that she _volunteered_ to show him.

OR....

Maybe we are all a bunch of paranoid BSs.


----------



## Beowulf

spudster said:


> Maybe we are all a bunch of paranoid BSs.


Just because you're paranoid does NOT mean they AREN'T out to get you. Having been betrayed once I would always be looking for it again. The WS gave up the right to any indignation when they cheated.


----------



## TallE

jamie323 said:


> I have a keylogger installed on all computers in the house. I seriously doubt she bought a throwaway phone over the last few days..
> 
> Last night my wife got a text from the guy pissed off accusing her of telling his girlfriend. She didnt get them until this morning. She showed me as soon as she got them. Basically the messages were:
> 
> "why did you tell GF? What the Fvck? why would you do that to me?"
> 
> lots of hello? where are you? .. and he called her a stupid b!tch.
> 
> It was about 10 messages in a row - each one getting angrier and angrier until he finally cursed her.
> 
> My wife already knew that I told the girlfriend, along with a couple of her friends.. so the messages were not a surprise to her.
> 
> I then texted him back the following using a google voice number:
> 
> "This is wife's husband. Im the one who told your girlfriend that you are a scumbag. If you have a problem with it, speak to me. Never speak to my wife again."
> 
> I think my wife is truly freaked out about what transpired between them.. I think she thought it was harmless flirting, and loved the attention. Then things got out of control , and now she feels like a miserable sh!t. Of course I could be wrong. I dont want to be a complete cynic - but I dont want to be naive again either.


OM's msgs don't make sense. Why would the OMGF tell him that it was W that spilled the beans when she knows that he would veryfy this and she would be outted as a liar? And if the OMGF didn't give up her source (unlikely) OM wouldn't come at W firing on all cylinders. He would ask her WTF happened and ask if H spilled the beans. In fact he would assume this even before speaking with W. They did tell each other that they trusted one another to keep the A under wraps after all. Plus W has suspected for a while that H had cracked her original password on her phone. This is why she changed it. If she knows H is capable of hacking passwords then it's reasonable that she assumes that he is capable of keyloggers and surveillance....and You can assume that she told OM of her suspicions. This explains why there was no communications immediately after exposure to OMGF. They had to come up with a plan. Then they executed it with this bogus string of texts from OM, which they know H has access to anyway. But the plan included W showing H the texts, making her seem even more honest about coming clean and willing to R. This is all playing out too perfectly. My personal opinion is that this is all counterintelligence and that you're being played right now.


----------



## the guy

Comfirm and verify, no matter how many OM there may be, you both have a long road ahead of you. In my case were there is one there is more. Its a behavior and a life style that she needs to correct on her own. And only then can you except her back. It no longer is about her now, it about you and how you live your life and what you except from others and how you want them in your life.

The most important task at hand is to quitely gain knowledge and validate the loyality of what kind of relationships you want in your life. Having the confidence in being able to get rid of negitive energy that is being sucked from you and commiting to the relationship that are positeve in your life will serve you well. It suck to have this indifference but it will protect you from the folks that do not have your best interest at heart.

Never make a dicision with out having full knowledge of what you are up against. Spend the time and the money to protect your self, having the confidence that you are making the best choice for your self. Its really easy for other to bash you for this when they have something to hid, but in the long run you will be better off knowing what you are truelly dealing with an commiting to.


----------



## krismimo

How I look at it is this, I think it's weird to have all this technology in the home. I get why your doing it but the bigger question is how can can you keep this up? and lets say she does do everything you ask of her will it ever be enough? I'm sorry but I rather have a peace of mind and be without the person, rather than staying with them and only trusting them after I double check all there accounts, vars etc etc. That is no way to live... for anyone. You either trust them or don't. When there is a Grey area in relationships maybe you should hang it up. 

Yeah I trust her now, after I check her phones, car, purse, wallet, clothes, after i check all the listening devices, etc. Don't get me wrong I know why your doing this now. I understand that, but I wouldn't want you to have to do this four, five six years from now. That is not healthy. How I look at it is if someone is going to cheat once, twice, etc you can't stop them they either will or won't. And trust me I have been there before with all the the high tech garbage. After awhile you become so involved for looking for something, making sure nothing is going on or just "verifying" it is a lot of work and effort and I got tired of playing that game and decided to answer the hard truth. I can never trust them the same again. And after I knew that I left. Do what you have to do Jamie to get the answers but I don't think doing the spying thing long term is healthy. I hope you just get the answers you need from there and then decide what your going to do.

Good Luck! Kris


----------



## krismimo

How goes it jamie?


----------



## jamie323

Ive been checking her phone account, and her email account. She doesn't know I have access to her email. I have not seen his number in the phone log He emailed her yesterday, and she did not respond.. His message was of the 'I need to talk to you' sort. She didnt tell me about the email.

She did notify me that he called her cell using some unknown number - and that she told him she didnt want to talk to him. (I checked the phone records, and there was a weird number and she was only on the phone for about 2 minutes) She also has a part time job - I know I said she doesn't have a job - but she works one day a week in retail - so she isnt a complete stay at home.

She went into work today, and they told her some guy had been calling for her the last couple of days.. She called me at lunch to tell me that he had been calling her work. She then called me a couple of hours later to say that the guy called her and tried to talk to her there at work on the work phone! She told him that she did not want to talk. She says he is really starting to freak her out. She was very upset about him calling her at work, and with some strange number. Obviously the guy is trying to hide from me, and get with her.

What do I do about this guy? I really dont think she is lying about him at this point - I do think it was a mistake, and she regrets it. She's been quite depressed the last few days - and with him calling her at work and on her phone with some unknown number - its made her very upset today. Im at the point where I want to pay him a visit. What a slimebag!


----------



## jamie323

TallE said:


> OM's msgs don't make sense. Why would the OMGF tell him that it was W that spilled the beans when she knows that he would veryfy this and she would be outted as a liar? And if the OMGF didn't give up her source (unlikely) OM wouldn't come at W firing on all cylinders. He would ask her WTF happened and ask if H spilled the beans. In fact he would assume this even before speaking with W. They did tell each other that they trusted one another to keep the A under wraps after all. Plus W has suspected for a while that H had cracked her original password on her phone. This is why she changed it. If she knows H is capable of hacking passwords then it's reasonable that she assumes that he is capable of keyloggers and surveillance....and You can assume that she told OM of her suspicions. This explains why there was no communications immediately after exposure to OMGF. They had to come up with a plan. Then they executed it with this bogus string of texts from OM, which they know H has access to anyway. But the plan included W showing H the texts, making her seem even more honest about coming clean and willing to R. This is all playing out too perfectly. My personal opinion is that this is all counterintelligence and that you're being played right now.


I dont think the OMGF told where she got her sources.. I think she probably just told him he was a cheat, and that she didnt want him anymore. I, honestly, didnt think about that.


----------



## Jellybeans

Whatever #s he is calling from, she can call the phone company and have it blocked immediately.

She has already made it clear to him once she wants nothing to do with him, so he needs to respect that. If he continues, she can tell him she will file a restraining order against him.

Did she move back into the bedroom with you? Have you stated what your boundaries are to her??? Marriage counselling? What heavy lifting is she doing to ensure this isn't goign to happen again?


----------



## Jellybeans

TallE said:


> OM's msgs don't make sense. Why would the OMGF tell him that it was W that spilled the beans when she knows that he would veryfy this and she would be outted as a liar? And if the OMGF didn't give up her source (unlikely) OM wouldn't come at W firing on all cylinders.


Eh, not necessarily. OMG could have just told him "I know you cheated on me with X. I saw all the messages. Go to hell." And OM could have just assumed it was W who told him. 

Jaime, you could follow up with OMG to see what is going on w/ them and ask her if she's heard anything from him, that he's still contacting your wife... Compare notes.


----------



## Unsure in Seattle

Well, if there's anything "positive" about this (and there isn't, really), it's that she's seeing his true colors.


----------



## Jellybeans

And that Jaime exposed him to his girl and exposed the A.


----------



## jamie323

Jellybeans said:


> Whatever #s he is calling from, she can call the phone company and have it blocked immediately.
> 
> She has already made it clear to him once she wants nothing to do with him, so he needs to respect that. If he continues, she can tell him she will file a restraining order against him.
> 
> Did she move back into the bedroom with you? Have you stated what your boundaries are to her??? Marriage counselling? What heavy lifting is she doing to ensure this isn't goign to happen again?


Yes, she was only sleeping in the other room for a couple of days. She said she felt sick to her stomach, and didnt want to sleep next to me after all that happened. But she is back with me now. I have set up marriage counseling through my work's insurance, and we will be going in two weeks.

She says she wishes none of this happened, and I believe her.. The guy is a creep - and now she realizes that. I told her to be careful before, and now she knows why. I think the guy called from a payphone or something. She has been so sad over the last few days. She mentioned wanting to go to individual counseling, so I will see if we can do that as well once we go to see the guy for marriage counseling. I really do believe she realizes how foolish she was. She hasnt tried to push blame off on me for anything - and has specifically said 'this is not your fault, Im the one who screwed up.'


----------



## Initfortheduration

Tell me about her family. Were her parents alcoholics?


----------



## warlock07

I've seen a common theme where there are 2 or more DDays wrt infidelity. It might not in your case, but they happen quite often. While she might have confessed all that there is to it, you might have forgiven her all too easily and early. Forgiveness is not a problem unless it stops you from seeing if there are further red flags and if this is a temporary lull in her aware. Work on your marriage but stay wary.


----------



## Blue Moon

Hard to believe he's going off the deep end like this for a woman he "didn't" have sex with. Just my opinion, but I guess there's no way to find out for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## calif_hope

Jamie323

You need to take your wife to the police, file a police report over the OM's harrasement, get a restraining order (RO). She needs to start logging his calls and do not delete his e-mails. 

Don't warn him that you and your WW are seeking an RO, let the suprise happen when he is served.....he might be studpid enough to violate it from his anger and off to jail he goes.


----------



## the guy

Stay away from asking any "favors" from "friends". Its been my experience that returning this kind of "favor" is worse then the assualt charge you could face. 
You may beable to count an family to handle this kind of "business" but again...returning the "favor" can be more risky then taking care of it your self. 

Please do not think about asking some of your "friends" that do things like....well what you need done, paying them back is not worth it.

Go to the cop and keep your fingers crossed, and if you have the resources to sue him then do it. For some reason when folks get dragged it to court...any court they seem to go away.


----------



## aug

Blue Moon said:


> Hard to believe he's going off the deep end like this for a woman he "didn't" have sex with. Just my opinion, but I guess there's no way to find out for sure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's very difficult to believe that they werent involved deeply for him to become this way. 

I wonder what happened between the OM and the wife? I wonder if it's temporary? Or, if your wife will let this pass then pick it back up later?


----------



## mai

Before confronting keep all the proof ready- unless you have concrete evidence to show her you will end up making a fool of yourself. 

Once you collect and keep the evidence handy choose a day on which you have your emotions under control. Make her sit down and calmly ask her what is happening. Denial is bound to be there it is up to you to handle the whole thing in an adult like mature manner.


----------



## the guy

mia, that is sound advice,calm and indifference will serve many of nebies well!


----------



## mattmf01

snap said:


> She will deny, blameshift and accuse you. The brazen manner of her affair suggests they get high off your humiliation.
> 
> It's best to cut corners and put divorce right on the table.


Dude, i couldn't agree with this one any more. You have to put yourself first. Pull out that divorce decree and let her know you are done. I had to do it and it sucked but i found a woman better than my last. It was hard as he11 but it pays off. The lucky thing is, you have no children to do battle with in the court room. Take my advice for what it's worth but remember, You need to put yourself first in your life.


----------



## lordmayhem

aug said:


> It's very difficult to believe that they werent involved deeply for him to become this way.
> 
> I wonder what happened between the OM and the wife? I wonder if it's temporary? Or, if your wife will let this pass then pick it back up later?


Agreed. His stalking behavior seems to indicate that more did happen, especially taken in context with the "thanks for not making me bleed" text she sent him. If it was just an EA, a couple attempts at fishing would be normal, but outright stalking behavior? She needs to file an RO/PO against him ASAP. If she wont, then we know where her heart is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GROWNMAN23

What ever a spouse admit's to after being caught, multiply that times 50.


----------



## lordmayhem

GROWNMAN23 said:


> What ever a spouse admit's to after being caught, multiply that times 50.


That's called Trickle Truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AngryandUsed

GROWNMAN23 said:


> What ever a spouse admit's to after being caught, multiply that times 50.


Oh, is that so bad?


----------



## Darth Vader

jamie323 said:


> Yes, she was only sleeping in the other room for a couple of days. She said she felt sick to her stomach, and didnt want to sleep next to me after all that happened. But she is back with me now. I have set up marriage counseling through my work's insurance, and we will be going in two weeks.
> 
> She says she wishes none of this happened, and I believe her.. The guy is a creep - and now she realizes that. I told her to be careful before, and now she knows why. I think the guy called from a payphone or something. She has been so sad over the last few days. She mentioned wanting to go to individual counseling, so I will see if we can do that as well once we go to see the guy for marriage counseling. I really do believe she realizes how foolish she was. She hasnt tried to push blame off on me for anything - and has specifically said 'this is not your fault, Im the one who screwed up.'


I'd still insist on your wife getting that Polygraph if I were you! Something isn't right. That whole "thanks for not making me bleed" bit, isn't something you thank someone over by grabbing a woman's breasts, that's something a woman would say by being "Banged" hard!

Get that Polygraph test done NOW! I think she's snowing you big time!


----------



## Chaparral

Darth Vader said:


> I'd still insist on your wife getting that Polygraph if I were you! Something isn't right. That whole "thanks for not making me bleed" bit, isn't something you thank someone over by grabbing a woman's breasts, that's something a woman would say by being "Banged" hard!
> 
> Get that Polygraph test done NOW! I think she's snowing you big time!


I'm dubious too. Making me bleed needs more investigation. Sometimes the betrayed spouse calls the affair partner to verify what the spouse says. Such as, "my wife says you only had sex 5 times is that true?"


----------



## DailyGrind

chapparal said:


> I'm dubious too. Making me bleed needs more investigation. Sometimes the betrayed spouse calls the affair partner to verify what the spouse says. Such as, "my wife says you only had sex 5 times is that true?"


I agree...but I'd only say 1x. She denies having sex, and it seems like once, might have occured. If you OVER state...he won't believe your W said that. 1x is enough to see. If he confirms 1x....you have your lie from W.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

DailyGrind said:


> I agree...but I'd only say 1x. She denies having sex, and it seems like once, might have occured. If you OVER state...he won't believe your W said that. 1x is enough to see. If he confirms 1x....you have your lie from W.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're right.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

Darth Vader said:


> I'd still insist on your wife getting that Polygraph if I were you! Something isn't right. That whole "thanks for not making me bleed" bit, isn't something you thank someone over by grabbing a woman's breasts, that's something a woman would say by being "Banged" hard!
> 
> Get that Polygraph test done NOW! I think she's snowing you big time!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Darth Vader

Kallan Pavithran said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:


Good! So, what's going on?


----------



## jamie323

Sorry it has been such a long time since I have posted. I thought that my wife and I had overcome that obstacle, but aparently not. I sort of forgot about this site, and moved on with my life.

Unfortunately, my wife is a liar - and I guess a pretty good one. 

We had been getting along great, I still checked her phone from time to time for 'evidence' and found none. I glanced at the phone bill at her messages from time to time, and no contact with that guy at all. I did notice, though, that she does text quite a bit still - but she does have a ton of friends and thats how she communicates. She has girls nights out, stays in touch with me whenever she goes out, and I began to trust her again.

Last week, I fell asleep on the couch watching TV, and woke up around 2am. I started heading toward the bedroom when I saw a sort of flash from the door. I figured it may have been the tv. I approached the door and saw that the tv was not on - then I saw another 'flash' coming from the bed under the covers. I immediately knew what was going on - so I went outside. There's a window directly at the head of the bed, which has the blinds slightly open. Needless to say - I saw plenty. Se was taking naked pictures and sending them via email or something. I went back into the house and into the bedroom - I walked in just as she was under the covers and taking another picture. I stood there until she came out from the covers. Needless to say she freaked out that I was standing there. She lied lied lied lied saying she wasnt doing anything, then that the pics were for me. She wouldnt give me her phone, and I wouldnt forcibly take it from her. I told her I knew what was going on and that I needed her to get out of bed, and go sleep on the couch. She has been staying with her parents since.

She managed to hide her text messaging by using iMessage and by using an email account that she created just for him (same guy as before). I never really thought about it - but her text records contain very few texts - but she is texting a lot. 

iMessage- great for cheaters.. However, I did check the actual voice record finally - she has talked to him several times over the phone - usually when she was out 'with girlfriends' and a few times at 2 and 3 am.. hour long calls, 30 minute calls, etc. She lied about those calls as well, saying that he called her - and that he just wouldnt let her get off the phone. I mean, wow she thinks I am an idiot. From the records I can see that she called him. I can see that she called him and talked for just about 3 or 4 minutes while driving home from having 'lunch with her friend' the other day. I know she was with him, and she probably called to say 'that was awesome, cant wait to see you again' I know when I am dating someone, I like to call right after seeing them. Almost all of those calls are after a 'night out with her girlfriends'. The other day she went with girlfriends to the beach - and she kept calling me to assure me that she was just with friends. I found that really really weird that she would call me on the phone four times to reassure me - when she never does that. That made me somewhat suspicious - and I asked her why she kept calling me, and she said she was drunk. She has been cake-eating, but now her meal ticket has been punched. 

She boo-hooed about being 30 and having to move back with her mom. She should have thought about that before having an affair.

Sorry for the scattered message - Thats enough for now, Im over caffeinated and venting.


----------



## warlock07

Wow!!! I'm sorry man!! I always felt that her story was off. The imessages stuff should be added to the sticky. What is your plan now?


----------



## warlock07

jamie323 said:


> I had been monitoring the phone logs for the last couple of days - and she as not talked to the 'OM' since like the day after I told her to stop talking to him.. I got a message from the OM gf only this morning saying 'thanks for telling me what a scumbag my boyfriend is, I kind of had an idea that this was happening.'
> 
> Well, we had dinner last night. It actually went well, no yelling or name calling or anything. She copped to letting things 'go too far' with her friend before I said anything about him. Since the phone logs did not indicate contact with him since I exposed, I can assume she did this because of pressure from another friend, or she just felt extremely guilty.?
> 
> It was actually somewhat surreal. She came out with it, before I even asked. She said that I was right feeling suspicious about him. That he had been paying lots of attention to her, and had given her a few gifts (I didnt even know about this). He gave her a $200 gift certificate to a salon?! She said she was not attracted to him in any way, but he was nice and gave her lots of attention. Things went too far and she began messing around with sexting, and that he had been very aggressive about sending her naked photos of himself.. and that he begged for her to send pictures - then she agreed and sent one or two. She said she just loved all of the attention that he was giving her, even though it was wrong. She said she hasn't been feeling sexy, and that it felt nice to be worshiped by someone.
> 
> She admitted that she got super drunk over at her friend's birthday party and invited him over around 1ish. She said that was mad at me, because we got into a little argument earlier (I was annoyed that she didnt invite me to the party, and ironically I had asked if she was meeting this guy there) He came over, they made out some. She said he grabbed her breast fairly hard and she stopped him. She has fairly new nipple piercings - so, Im assuming thats why she said 'thanks for not making me bleed' the next day. She said that this is the only time that anything happened physically, and that he was only over there for about 45 minutes. I believe that he was only there for a short time - because she was texting me non stop that night from midnight to 1:45 then started up again at 2:30. Her messages to him to come over were at 1:20.. so, I think he showed up, then left soon after.
> 
> She said the reason she wants to sleep in the other room for now, is because she feels embarrassed and disgusted at herself. Of course, she let the waterworks flow.. She said what a bad person she was, and that I didn't deserve to be treated this way - etc. It seemed pretty genuine.
> 
> I asked her why she would hang out with him again after that episode - and she said that she just wanted to pretend that it didn't happen... (based on all of her text messages from the day of the 'incident' at the party, and the last time they went out - they never spoke of it, and she never asked for the 'video' he made for her)
> *
> I demanded to see her phone, and she gave it to me.. I read the last few messages that she sent him.. She said that she felt miserable for what happened, and that she can no longer be friends with him now that they went too far. He actually said 'We can still be friends and forget about that stupid night' She replied with 'No we cant. Sorry' to which he replied 'fine, bye'
> *
> Im on the fence about reconciliation, if indeed she is telling the whole truth - I may never know. She agreed to full no contact, full transparency. I told her that I am keeping my finances separate for now, because Im still pretty pissed about what happened. I told her point blank that her going out all night partying days are over - unless Im with her. If she wants that, she can be single, but if she wants to be married - she needs to act like a wife and respect me.
> 
> This isnt really how I expected things to go, I thought I would have to fight her tooth and nail to get any information.. but she seems to have just volunteered it. For now, I am just going to monitor her activity to see if all of this is real, or if she is just trickling the truth out.
> 
> Any advise or opinion would be great.



What an incredibly planned out manipulation!!! What an idiot she must think you are!!




> The other day she went with girlfriends to the beach - and she kept calling me to assure me that she was just with friends. I found that really really weird that she would call me on the phone four times to reassure me - when she never does that. That made me somewhat suspicious - and I asked her why she kept calling me, and she said she was drunk.


They must have laughing quite a bit making that call!!




> She boo-hooed about being 30 and having to move back with her mom. She should have thought about that before having an affair.


What she did is much worse than an affair. She broke the trust even after getting caught and promising to change. Do not give into her crying. End this marriage now!!


----------



## iheartlife

I hope newbies in denial read your update. Very sobering. Sorry she was such an incredibly selfish person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> What an incredibly planned out manipulation!!! What an idiot she must think you are!!
> 
> 
> 
> They must have laughing quite a bit making that call!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What she did is much worse than an affair. She broke the trust even after getting caught and promising to change. Do not give into her crying. End this marriage now!!


The funny thing is, I know she was with friends that day. We had a friend in town and they went to the beach together and hung out with one of her co-workers who lives over there.. Its like she got drunk and then kind of panicked thinking I might get suspicious. So weird.

Oh yeah, She is staying at her mom's now.. I have a money market account in my name that she cant get to filled with money already - I just need to open a checking account and move my direct deposit into it.

One question - her car is in both of our names. If she skips a payment, can I take her car? Her phone is in my name - I just paid the damn bill too.. I want to turn it off, but then again I want to monitor it too. Stupid, I know. What do I do about bills? Everything is in my name - I cant force her to pay me back for 1/2 electric/insurance/cableTV/etc.. do I just pay it and eat the cost? Everything will get cheaper once she moves out, but for now its going to kick my ass..


----------



## Almostrecovered

why monitor the phone if you are filing?

just cut off the service


----------



## bandit.45

jamie323 said:


> The funny thing is, I know she was with friends that day. We had a friend in town and they went to the beach together and hung out with one of her co-workers who lives over there.. Its like she got drunk and then kind of panicked thinking I might get suspicious. So weird.
> 
> Oh yeah, She is staying at her mom's now.. I have a money market account in my name that she cant get to filled with money already - I just need to open a checking account and move my direct deposit into it.
> 
> One question - her car is in both of our names. If she skips a payment, can I take her car? Her phone is in my name - I just paid the damn bill too.. I want to turn it off, but then again I want to monitor it too. Stupid, I know. What do I do about bills? Everything is in my name - I cant force her to pay me back for 1/2 electric/insurance/cableTV/etc.. do I just pay it and eat the cost? Everything will get cheaper once she moves out, but for now its going to kick my ass..


Why should you pay cable and cell phone to enable her to continue her affair? Shut down all non-essential things. Keep paying the car note so your credit doesn't take a hit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Cancel all of the utilities till the divorce is over. Try selling the car for the payoff amount. Start pawning household items to fund your expenditure's if you need to.


----------



## jamie323

bandit.45 said:


> Why should you pay cable and cell phone to enable her to continue her affair? Shut down all non-essential things. Keep paying the car note so your credit doesn't take a hit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is staying at her mom's house right now.. Ill go ahead and cancel the phone and take her off of my car insurance today. I need to take her off of my health insurance too - thats going to save me 400 a month.

Im not sure how she is going to afford to live - but thats not my problem anymore, I guess. She doesnt make much money - and she really cant come after me for anything since we havent been married that long.


----------



## bandit.45

jamie323 said:


> She is staying at her mom's house right now.. Ill go ahead and cancel the phone and take her off of my car insurance today. I need to take her off of my health insurance too - thats going to save me 400 a month.
> 
> Im not sure how she is going to afford to live - but thats not my problem anymore, I guess. She doesnt make much money - and she really cant come after me for anything since we havent been married that long.


Remember to take her off your retirement as a beneficiary also. Once the D goes through, take her off your social security also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jamie323

keko said:


> Cancel all of the utilities till the divorce is over. Try selling the car for the payoff amount. Start pawning household items to fund your expenditure's if you need to.


Im not going to live in poverty because my wife decided to go get some action from some jerk. The guy is a doofus, and in about 3 months she will be wondering what the hell she just did. She is selfish and vain, and needs someone to costantly tell her how awesome she is and bend over for her. She found some loser that will say and do anything for her.


----------



## NewM

jamie323 said:


> Everything will get cheaper once she moves out, but for now its going to kick my ass..


Didn't she move out already,am I missing something?

I hope you don't plan on taking her back.


----------



## bandit.45

jamie323 said:


> Im not going to live in poverty because my wife decided to go get some action from some jerk. The guy is a doofus, and in about 3 months she will be wondering what the hell she just did. She is selfish and vain, and needs someone to costantly tell her how awesome she is and bend over for her. She found some loser that will say and do anything for her.


She's his problem now. Do a hard 180, have her served with D papers and go completely dark. Don't answer her calls or e-mails. Gather up all her things, box them up and call her family to come pick up her crap. Change the locks on the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

He has a gf , right? Tell her


----------



## keko

jamie323 said:


> Im not going to live in poverty because my wife decided to go get some action from some jerk. The guy is a doofus, and in about 3 months she will be wondering what the hell she just did. She is selfish and vain, and needs someone to costantly tell her how awesome she is and bend over for her. She found some loser that will say and do anything for her.


I meant as in the luxury items for your wife, such as the phone and the car...


----------



## happyman64

jamie323 said:


> Im not going to live in poverty because my wife decided to go get some action from some jerk. The guy is a doofus, and in about 3 months she will be wondering what the hell she just did. She is selfish and vain, and needs someone to costantly tell her how awesome she is and bend over for her. She found some loser that will say and do anything for her.


Good for you Jamie.

Time to man up and get tough.

Cancel the phone and get your name off the car. It is good you sent her packing, she belongs with Mommy the way she is carrying on with OM.

File and go dark on her. THat is how you bend her over. With silence.

Sorry it happened but at least you know. Lock down your finances quickly before she visits the bank as your wife.

And then go see an attorney. Serving her will either wake her up or help you let go.

And Jamie, all she deserves are D papers. You tried to save your M, she did not.

Time to walk away and find a good woman.

HM64


----------



## jamie323

NewM said:


> Didn't she move out already,am I missing something?
> 
> I hope you don't plan on taking her back.


Well yes.. she is at her moms.. I guess I just meant once things stabilize. Im still paying the higher electricity/water/insurance/etc bills from her being here. She is at her moms and all of her stuff is still here.


----------



## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> He has a gf , right? Tell her


I did - months ago when I found out at first.. they split up. From what I understand he went out of town for work for a while, but got back about a month ago - and I guess he contacted her and - since all I get are lies from my wife - I assume they have been seeing each other since. It doesnt matter, I mean - I caught her taking naked pictures to send to him. I saw phone calls to him - up to an hour long - after she said she would not contact him again and said she did not care about him.


----------



## NewM

jamie323 said:


> Well yes.. she is at her moms.. I guess I just meant once things stabilize. Im still paying the higher electricity/water/insurance/etc bills from her being here. She is at her moms and all of her stuff is still here.


You don't have to worry about all that since she is not staying with you anymore and won't be coming back,just pack her stuff and deliver it to her at her moms.


----------



## warlock07

Did she confess the physical aspect of the affair now?


----------



## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> Did she confess the physical aspect of the affair now?


She is completely denying everything.. She still says that the photos she was taking were not for him, and that the phone calls were initiated by him and that she took them because he may have had a line on some work for her. The fact is, she cheated on me once with him and denied doing more than just making out - and was very embarased afterword. I dont believe it. 

Im not stupid, its just BS, but Ill never have any proof. The bottom line is - she has been talking to someone that she previously had an affair with after I told her not to. She said she would never talk to the guy again. All I have is my intuition. I think some of her 'nights with friends' have been nights with him. I think her lunch with a friend was a lunch with him. She lied to me about him before. She is continuing to lie to me. She wants the stability of our marriage and the ability to go do whatever she wants outside of it as well. She is selfish and self absorbed. Nothing matters except her feeling good. Im hoping it feels good to be a 30 yeard old divorcee dating a complete dork who lives in a 1 bedroom apartment. 

She hasnt said 'im sorry'.. All I see are lies.


----------



## jnj express

Hey Jaime---you just gotta wonder, don't you----why a woman, who has everything, a great life, a good mge, a loving, good H., and she tosses it all away for a guy close to 20 yrs older than her, who is approaching 50---what the he*l can he even have.

Where is her head at---you caught her, she knew there would not be a next time, if she screwed up, she got the greatest gift, she will ever recieve, A SECOND CHANCE----and she still "disses" you and runs to him----who knows anymore

Did she ever really tell you what she accomplished in her counciling sessions, did she learn the why she gave it all away

Maybe she just can't handle being married, and what goes with it----you gave her boundaries, she knew what would happen if she cheated again---and yet she still gave in

You cannot be expected to be a parole officer the rest of your life---mge is spose to be enjoyable, yes there are disagreements, but that is normal---but to have to watch a wife, every minute, and have her checking in, and you checking up---that is no way to conduct a life

She is gonna find out real quick, the grass is now a dirty shade of brown, and she will regret this the rest of her life---but I guess she just figures, she will land on her feet no matter what

If you want eveners, on her uglyscumlover---file a civil suit for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

You told him to stop, she told him to stop---he still pursued, and destroyed your life---you can bring the suit yourself, just pay the filing fee---he will have to get a lawyer to answer, or he will default---and if you go ahead after the filing---you can get an atty.---you definitely have a winning situation, as all the elements of the tort are there----anyway---good luck to you ---have a great future---there are lots of great women out there, who WON'T cheat on you.


----------



## costa200

> My wife already knew that I told the girlfriend, along with a couple of her friends..


I think you guys might have missed this detail. I went back and tried to check how she could have pulled that oscar winning restaurant performance. It just so happens that i think the OP by exposing before the confrontation may have tipped her off via friends somehow. 

Oh and the part where this woman expects the guy to take care of her son while she goes out cheating... OMG!!!

Plus, how many of you guys think it's acceptable for a married woman (or man for that matter) to go out with "friends" and crash drunk at a "friends" house? Someone with a kid?


----------



## bandit.45

NewM said:


> You don't have to worry about all that since she is not staying with you anymore and won't be coming back,just pack her stuff and deliver it to her at her moms.


Nah, if he's doing the work to pack the stuff up, her family can come pick it up. He needs to give her a deadline and then its all going to Goodwill. 

Seriously, he needs to control what goes in and out of that house. 

Jamie you need to get your locks changed. A locksmith will do it for aroung $75 to $100 if you just have two doors.


----------



## jamie323

Honestly, the last thing on my mind is dating again. This really sucks to have the rug pulled out from under you. I feel like I hit a brick wall, and am really restraining myself from curbstomping the OM a'la "American History X". I told her the first time that it was taking every bit of will for me not to find him and hurt him. She even told me that he was scared that I might 'do something'. He is a wimp and thats why she liks him. I think he will do and say anything to make her feel good - to make her feel like the entitled princess she thinks she is.

The world has given everyone short attention spans. Everyone needs instant satisfaction, instant gratification. US weekly shows the fabulous celebrities hopping from one bed to another. There are 500 channels of reality TV where female divorcees are rich, having the times of their lives and the exhusbands are shown as simpering weaklings. The internet has increased the ability for a cheater to have an affair dramatically. 

No offense to strong women out there, but: Womens liberation has caused some women to think they are owed something for years of supposed oppression. Many of today's women have an inflated sense of entitlement. I have seen it in my wife and the wives of friends. As a woman, you are not entitled to anything just because you are attractive and have a vagina. The man that will promise you the world, say anything and ruin a marriage just to get into that vagina will soon tire of it and go find a newer model to climb into. Leaving a loving husband just to get a few tingles will leave you alone and living in a one bedroom apartment forever. I cant say you wont deserve it.

I worked my ass off to provide a good home for my wife and I and was shown appreciation by being made a cuckold. Has society really come to this? Has this now become the 'norm'?


----------



## bandit.45

jamie323 said:


> No offense to strong women out there, but: Womens liberation has caused some women to think they are owed something for years of supposed oppression. Many of today's women have an inflated sense of entitlement. I have seen it in my wife and the wives of friends. As a woman, you are not entitled to anything just because you are attractive and have a vagina. The man that will promise you the world, say anything and ruin a marriage just to get into that vagina will soon tire of it and go find a newer model to climb into. Leaving a loving husband just to get a few tingles will leave you alone and living in a one bedroom apartment forever. I cant say you wont deserve it.
> 
> You and I agree completely.
> 
> I worked my ass off to provide a good home for my wife and I and was shown appreciation by being made a cuckold. Has society really come to this? Has this now become the 'norm'?
> 
> Yes it has sadly. We live in a world where up is down and down is up. And we allowed it to happen.


----------



## morituri

With your wife's poor boundaries, allowing her to continue with her lifestyle was not exactly a wise move. It's like allowing a person with alcohol issues, to go out to bars with friends. So it is really not surprising this turn of events. But nevertheless, she is still responsible for her bad choices and those include her lying and deceiving you which culminated in her affair.

You need some soul searching to do as to whether you can continue being in a one sided open marriage with a woman who is incapable of being honest with you and cheating on you whenever she feels safe to do so. Or divorce her and move on to a better life without her. Choose wisely.


----------



## costa200

> Womens liberation has caused some women to think they are owed something for years of supposed oppression.


It wasn't the Women's liberation that did this but rather post equality fake feminism. What passes for feminism these days in the west is a bunch of hogwashed sexism in disguise.


----------



## jamie323

costa200 said:


> It wasn't the Women's liberation that did this but rather post equality fake feminism. What passes for feminism these days in the west is a bunch of hogwashed sexism in disguise.


Well, I guess I shouldnt have mentioned womens liberation.. Its been good in some ways.. Unfortunately, some women want 'liberation' and to be 'treated like a man' but they also want to be treated like special princesses. Some women think they deserve the right to disrespect a man and then not receive the consequences of that disrespect.


----------



## costa200

jamie323 said:


> Well, I guess I shouldnt have mentioned womens liberation.. Its been good in some ways.. Unfortunately, some women want 'liberation' and to be 'treated like a man' but they also want to be treated like special princesses. Some women think they deserve the right to disrespect a man and then not receive the consequences of that disrespect.


Unfortunately some men aren't much better... The sense of "entitlement" some people seem to have these days is a genderless trait.


----------



## Almostrecovered

I want my flying cars


----------



## cantdecide

jamie323 said:


> No offense to strong women out there, but: Womens liberation has caused some women to think they are owed something for years of supposed oppression. Many of today's women have an inflated sense of entitlement. I have seen it in my wife and the wives of friends. As a woman, you are not entitled to anything just because you are attractive and have a vagina. The man that will promise you the world, say anything and ruin a marriage just to get into that vagina will soon tire of it and go find a newer model to climb into. Leaving a loving husband just to get a few tingles will leave you alone and living in a one bedroom apartment forever. I cant say you wont deserve it.
> 
> I worked my ass off to provide a good home for my wife and I and was shown appreciation by being made a cuckold. Has society really come to this? Has this now become the 'norm'?


Couldn't agree more. My situation exactly.


----------



## aug

Take her off as beneficiary from your life insurance, work insurance, retirement plans, etc...


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## aug

A divorce would be the best life lesson for her. 

But I suspect her parents would support her.


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## jamie323

aug said:


> Take her off as beneficiary from your life insurance, work insurance, retirement plans, etc...


I have to wait until november or until we are legally divorced to take her off work insurance.


----------



## Chaparral

Has she been contacting you?


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## jamie323

chapparal said:


> Has she been contacting you?


She called last night 3 times, but I didnt answer.. She also texted me to ask what was going on, and if we could please work this out - and that she really didnt do anything wrong and that I am wrong to think that she was messing with that guy - that she only talked to him about work.. blah blah blah. I ignored her texts,.


----------



## iheartlife

Well, she fooled you before, she figures it will work again. I'm glad you caught her red-handed. Some people just look at the phone bill and have to persuade themselves that something is going on.

She takes some sort of prize for being self-centered. Just remember her crying about going back to mom at her age. She doesn't have a tear to spare for any of your pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

jamie323 said:


> She called last night 3 times, but I didnt answer.. She also texted me to ask what was going on, and if we could please work this out - and that she really didnt do anything wrong and that I am wrong to think that she was messing with that guy - that she only talked to him about work.. blah blah blah. I ignored her texts,.


Get the divorce started and try having a TRO on her. That should get her off your back for a while.


----------



## jamie323

keko said:


> Get the divorce started and try having a TRO on her. That should get her off your back for a while.


TRO?


----------



## Almostrecovered

yeah he stumped me too


----------



## Almostrecovered

RO is usually restraining order, so maybe Temporary Restraining order?


----------



## keko

Yes, temporary restraining order.


----------



## jamie323

keko said:


> Yes, temporary restraining order.


Im not sure I need to get a restraining order against her. Its not like she is threatening me or anything.. I just feel bad for her kid. Oh well - not my problem any more.


----------



## warlock07

jamie323 said:


> She called last night 3 times, but I didnt answer.. She also texted me to ask what was going on, and if we could please work this out - and that she really didnt do anything wrong and that I am wrong to think that she was messing with that guy - that she only talked to him about work.. blah blah blah. I ignored her texts,.


She thinks you don't know about the pics?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jamie323

warlock07 said:


> She thinks you don't know about the pics?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I walked in on her taking photos, and I saw her through the window.. I told her these things and she said she was taking them for me. Which is a blatant lie, and I cant get her to come clean about anything. It doesnt really matter at this point. I gave her a chance 6 months ago, and she blew it. I'm not going to be humiliated again. She can come crawling on her hands and knees wearing a steel chastidy belt that only I have the key to - it doesnt matter. I wont ever trust her again, and can never look at her without getting sick to my stomach.


----------



## warlock07

jamie323 said:


> Well, I walked in on her taking photos, and I saw her through the window.. I told her these things and she said she was taking them for me. Which is a blatant lie, and I cant get her to come clean about anything. It doesnt really matter at this point. I gave her a chance 6 months ago, and she blew it. I'm not going to be humiliated again. She can come crawling on her hands and knees wearing a steel chastidy belt that only I have the key to - it doesnt matter. I wont ever trust her again, and can never look at her without getting sick to my stomach.


Such an obvious lie. 
Stay careful though. She might become spiteful once she realizes that you aren't coming back!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

jamie323 said:


> Im not sure I need to get a restraining order against her. Its not like she is threatening me or anything.. I just feel bad for her kid. Oh well - not my problem any more.


Your state should have some criminal statute against telephone harassment, you don't need to be threatened. If the contact is unwanted, then it's harassment. But it's up to you.


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## happyman64

Good for you Jamie!! Stay firm.

And I bet you never got those pictures pal????


----------



## keko

lordmayhem said:


> Your state should have some criminal statute against telephone harassment, you don't need to be threatened. If the contact is unwanted, then it's harassment. But it's up to you.


This and soon she'll be hit with the reality of being a single mom and living with her parents. So she'll be at your doorstep if not calling 24/7 to take her back. You probably won't give in but if you can avoid the headache by keeping her away legally, its worth a shot.


----------



## bandit.45

happyman64 said:


> Good for you Jamie!! Stay firm.
> 
> And I bet you never got those pictures pal????


Hell no he won't get those pics! Cheating, backwards thinking wives don't do such things for their husbands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

bandit.45 said:


> Hell no he won't get those pics! Cheating, backwards thinking wives don't do such things for their husbands.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Sadly, they'll do anything and everything for their OM that they won't do with their husbands, even the porno style freaky stuff. You name it, they'll do it for the OM. But for hubby, it's just laying on the bed like a cold fish with the lights off.


----------



## bandit.45

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Sadly, they'll do anything and everything for their OM that they won't do with their husbands, even the porno style freaky stuff. You name it, they'll do it for the OM. But for hubby, it's just laying on the bed like a cold fish with the lights off.


Yep. We see it again and again: Mahike's wife, Forlorn99's wife...and on and on. You know, this is the only thing that female cheaters do that male cheaters don't. I find that facinating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## matt82

jamie323 said:


> What is the best way to confront with this evidence? It sure seems damning to me... She will get mad at me for snooping, but I dont care at this point. Please help!! I made screenshots, and I can print this stuff out. Should I just say 'look b!tch, I know you are cheating, here is the evidence, get out!' I love her like crazy, and our relationship has been great.. but now I feel sick.


Well, for starters, take your money out of any joint bank accounts that you have with her and store all of your important documents in a safe place outside of your home. Take your half or your savings and stash it away in a separate account. An attorney should be able to give you a checklist of things to do before you drop the bomb. Let her sleep in the separate room, do NOT sleep with her, and start to detach emotionally. Get everything that has sentimental importance to you out of the house.

It's very important that you get your ducks in a row BEFORE you give her the news, as there is no telling how she will react.

Once your ducks are in a row, get out of the house. Tell her you want her out in two weeks. She might destroy the place--you never know. You just don't want to be their for her to file any false assault charges against you. Again, a lawyer will be able to give you a better idea of exactly what you need to do.

Sorry about what you're going through, but there is no point trying to "work it out" with this one. She's bad to the core and deserves no sympathy.

God Speed,

Matt


----------



## jamie323

matt82 said:


> Well, for starters, take your money out of any joint bank accounts that you have with her and store all of your important documents in a safe place outside of your home. Take your half or your savings and stash it away in a separate account. An attorney should be able to give you a checklist of things to do before you drop the bomb. Let her sleep in the separate room, do NOT sleep with her, and start to detach emotionally. Get everything that has sentimental importance to you out of the house.
> 
> It's very important that you get your ducks in a row BEFORE you give her the news, as there is no telling how she will react.
> 
> Once your ducks are in a row, get out of the house. Tell her you want her out in two weeks. She might destroy the place--you never know. You just don't want to be their for her to file any false assault charges against you. Again, a lawyer will be able to give you a better idea of exactly what you need to do.
> 
> Sorry about what you're going through, but there is no point trying to "work it out" with this one. She's bad to the core and deserves no sympathy.
> 
> God Speed,
> 
> Matt


She is already out and living with her parents.. I am going to go home and change the locks tonight after work. I been locking the front door from the inside - and you cant open it with a key and using the garage to go in and out - and she does not have a garage opener. No way for her to get in without calling me first. Ive already opened a seperate account that only I can access, and have changed the direct deposit. Unfortunately the direct deposit wont take place until next pay period - but Ive asked work to please just give me a check in person.

If she cries to me about not being able to support herself, or cries about having to live with her parents - Ill just tell her to go live with her 'boyfriend'.. Lets see how he likes playing dad. Im just going to continue to not talk to her for a while.. She can kiss my a$$.


----------



## bandit.45

jamie323 said:


> If she cries to me about not being able to support herself, or cries about having to live with her parents - Ill just tell her to go live with her 'boyfriend'.. Lets see how he likes playing dad. Im just going to continue to not talk to her for a while.. She can kiss my a$$.


While this may seem appealing, don't do it. Follow the 180 rules. Be aloof, cool and pleasant when you deal with her. Being mean to her reinforces the idea that she still has emotional sway over you. 

Indifference is what you want to exude. That will confuse her and knock her off her guard more than anything. 

The 180 link is right below my post here. Study it and implement it.


----------



## bandit.45

matt82 said:


> Once your ducks are in a row, *get out of the house*. Tell her you want her out in two weeks. She might destroy the place--you never know. You just don't want to be their for her to file any false assault charges against you. Again, a lawyer will be able to give you a better idea of exactly what you need to do.


Is this a typo? why should he get out of a house he is paying for?


----------



## lordmayhem

bandit.45 said:


> Yep. We see it again and again: Mahike's wife, Forlorn99's wife...and on and on. You know, this is the only thing that female cheaters do that male cheaters don't. I find that facinating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah...but when discovered, then the WW will say that they only kissed, or only had sex once, and that it was horrible and the OM was no good.


----------



## happyman64

Jamie,

Since the OM is such a toad and your wife is a hottie maybe she is kissing the frog waiitng for him to turn into a Prince?

Ignore her. Go dark on her. Let her stew in her own juices.

You should go out with friends, enjoy the 4th and the rest of the week.

Get your finances straightened out and secure as well as any loose assets.

Then pack your wife's stuff and drop them on her parents lawn.

Let her parents know why she is no longer welcome in your house.

Then go have a great life. You deserve it.

Hm64


----------



## matt82

bandit.45 said:


> Is this a typo? why should he get out of a house he is paying for?


Once you're married, I'm pretty sure the house becomes joint property. My suggestion was just to give her time to get her stuff out.

In a perfect world, he could take all her belongings and put them on the front lawn while the locksmith is working on the doors, but this could hurt him in court.

I guess that's why I said to talk to an attorney before he gives her the news. There are a lot of loopholes in the system and throwing her ***** a$$ out with no notice, when you're married, might come back to bite him.


----------



## matt82

jamie323 said:


> If she cries to me about not being able to support herself, or cries about having to live with her parents - Ill just tell her to go live with her 'boyfriend'.. Lets see how he likes playing dad. Im just going to continue to not talk to her for a while.. She can kiss my a$$.


Your story is exactly why single moms are so risky for responsible, nice guys. 

Deep down, most of them crave attention from sketchy "bad" boys, but they know these guys aren't worth **** when it comes to providing a stable home.

So what do they do? They compartmentalize. They maintain the wholesome, faithful mother and wife image for the sake of the family, but once some jerkoff puts the moves on them, they're back at his place in a heartbeat.

I just finalized my divorce from one of these trainwrecks and have several friends who have been through the single mom wringer as well.


----------



## jamie323

matt82 said:


> Once you're married, I'm pretty sure the house becomes joint property. My suggestion was just to give her time to get her stuff out.
> 
> In a perfect world, he could take all her belongings and put them on the front lawn while the locksmith is working on the doors, but this could hurt him in court.
> 
> I guess that's why I said to talk to an attorney before he gives her the news. There are a lot of loopholes in the system and throwing her ***** a$$ out with no notice, when you're married, might come back to bite him.



She left to go to her mother's without me 'kicking her out'. I told her that 'maybe you should go stay with your mother tonight' the other day, and she has not come back since - except to pick up some clothing while I was out of the house. (thats why I started locking the door the way I do) I purchased the house before we even met.

I will text her after work.


----------



## lordmayhem

jamie323 said:


> She left to go to her mother's without me 'kicking her out'. I told her that 'maybe you should go stay with your mother tonight' the other day, and she has not come back since - except to pick up some clothing while I was out of the house. (thats why I started locking the door the way I do) *I purchased the house before we even met*.
> 
> I will text her after work.


Well then, you can change the locks.


----------



## jamie323

matt82 said:


> Your story is exactly why single moms are so risky for responsible, nice guys.
> 
> Deep down, most of them crave attention from sketchy "bad" boys, but they know these guys aren't worth **** when it comes to providing a stable home.
> 
> So what do they do? They compartmentalize. They maintain the wholesome, faithful mother and wife image for the sake of the family, but once some jerkoff puts the moves on them, they're back at his place in a heartbeat.
> 
> I just finalized my divorce from one of these trainwrecks and have several friends who have been through the single mom wringer as well.


Her kid is awesome.. but he is going to turn into a nut or hate his mom when he begins to realize what is going on... i.e. 'How come Jamie isnt here to tuck me in any more?' Its not really my problem anymore though.

She does crave attention, and non stop compliments and courting. I practically complimented her in some way every single day... However, I can count the compliments I got on one hand. I mean, it seemed like I was supposed to basically put her on a pedestal, take care of her kid, and put my life on hold to make sure they were taken care of.. what a crock.


----------



## matt82

jamie323 said:


> She left to go to her mother's without me 'kicking her out'. I told her that 'maybe you should go stay with your mother tonight' the other day, and she has not come back since - except to pick up some clothing while I was out of the house. (thats why I started locking the door the way I do) I purchased the house before we even met.
> 
> I will text her after work.


Then you're good to go. Change the locks and you're all set. When my wife and I separated, she took everything that was mine, including my daughters toys, and threw them in a dumpster... just the way she rolls I guess. :smthumbup:


----------



## matt82

jamie323 said:


> Her kid is awesome.. but he is going to turn into a nut or hate his mom when he begins to realize what is going on... i.e. 'How come Jamie isnt here to tuck me in any more?' Its not really my problem anymore though.
> 
> She does crave attention, and non stop compliments and courting. I practically complimented her in some way every single day... However, I can count the compliments I got on one hand. I mean, it seemed like I was supposed to basically put her on a pedestal, take care of her kid, and put my life on hold to make sure they were taken care of.. what a crock.


Yep, my ex had an 8 year old son. We were good buddies. I coached him in sports, played video games with him, all those things. Toughest part of leaving was that I knew I wouldn't get to see him as much. 

Would be nice if cheaters could take into account the collateral damage before they go out and get their thrills.


----------



## jamie323

matt82 said:


> Yep, my ex had an 8 year old son. We were good buddies. I coached him in sports, played video games with him, all those things. Toughest part of leaving was that I knew I wouldn't get to see him as much.
> 
> Would be nice if cheaters could take into account the collateral damage before they go out and get their thrills.


I probably wont see her kid again at all.. I mean, its going to be difficult to remain friends after all of this.


----------



## Beelzebub

how long have you raised the kid, how old was he and how old is he now


----------



## StrangerThanFiction

jamie323 said:


> Sorry it has been such a long time since I have posted. I thought that my wife and I had overcome that obstacle, but aparently not. I sort of forgot about this site, and moved on with my life.
> 
> Unfortunately, my wife is a liar - and I guess a pretty good one.
> 
> We had been getting along great, I still checked her phone from time to time for 'evidence' and found none. I glanced at the phone bill at her messages from time to time, and no contact with that guy at all. I did notice, though, that she does text quite a bit still - but she does have a ton of friends and thats how she communicates. She has girls nights out, stays in touch with me whenever she goes out, and I began to trust her again.
> 
> Last week, I fell asleep on the couch watching TV, and woke up around 2am. I started heading toward the bedroom when I saw a sort of flash from the door. I figured it may have been the tv. I approached the door and saw that the tv was not on - then I saw another 'flash' coming from the bed under the covers. I immediately knew what was going on - so I went outside. There's a window directly at the head of the bed, which has the blinds slightly open. Needless to say - I saw plenty. Se was taking naked pictures and sending them via email or something. I went back into the house and into the bedroom - I walked in just as she was under the covers and taking another picture. I stood there until she came out from the covers. Needless to say she freaked out that I was standing there. She lied lied lied lied saying she wasnt doing anything, then that the pics were for me. She wouldnt give me her phone, and I wouldnt forcibly take it from her. I told her I knew what was going on and that I needed her to get out of bed, and go sleep on the couch. She has been staying with her parents since.
> 
> She managed to hide her text messaging by using iMessage and by using an email account that she created just for him (same guy as before). I never really thought about it - but her text records contain very few texts - but she is texting a lot.
> 
> iMessage- great for cheaters.. However, I did check the actual voice record finally - she has talked to him several times over the phone - usually when she was out 'with girlfriends' and a few times at 2 and 3 am.. hour long calls, 30 minute calls, etc. She lied about those calls as well, saying that he called her - and that he just wouldnt let her get off the phone. I mean, wow she thinks I am an idiot. From the records I can see that she called him. I can see that she called him and talked for just about 3 or 4 minutes while driving home from having 'lunch with her friend' the other day. I know she was with him, and she probably called to say 'that was awesome, cant wait to see you again' I know when I am dating someone, I like to call right after seeing them. Almost all of those calls are after a 'night out with her girlfriends'. The other day she went with girlfriends to the beach - and she kept calling me to assure me that she was just with friends. I found that really really weird that she would call me on the phone four times to reassure me - when she never does that. That made me somewhat suspicious - and I asked her why she kept calling me, and she said she was drunk. She has been cake-eating, but now her meal ticket has been punched.
> 
> She boo-hooed about being 30 and having to move back with her mom. She should have thought about that before having an affair.
> 
> Sorry for the scattered message - Thats enough for now, Im over caffeinated and venting.



Thanks for coming back and giving an update. I forgot about this thread. I remember now your wife was the one who texted the other guy "thanks for not making me bleed last night" and he recognized her "orgasm face". Oh yeah and she loves your house and living there. Nice.


----------



## jamie323

Beelzebub said:


> how long have you raised the kid, how old was he and how old is he now


I met him at almost 2 and he is 6 and a half now.


----------



## NewM

That will suck for the kid,you were big part of most of his life.


----------



## iheartlife

Only dad he's really known. Heartbreaking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jamie323

iheartlife said:


> Only dad he's really known. Heartbreaking.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, his real dad is never around. So now the kid gets to live at grandma and grandpas house with his mother. I guess he is not my problem anymore, but that really is the part that saddens me the most. It all really sucks - and her selfishness is doing more than just hurting me.

I remember her telling me once how hard it was for her to even date with a young kid (of course he was REALLY young then).. I cant imagine many men wanting to date a woman who has a child from one man, and is divorced from another man. It all just spells 'broken'. This OM just wanted a piece of a$$, and when she comes a - knockin with her baggage, I doubt he will let her in.

All of my friends said what a stand up guy I was for basically taking her kid into my life as if he was my own. I've taken care of both of them - and now when I can reap the benefits of being a father, watching him grow into a young man, go camping, and cycling, and all that - they are going to vanish from my life.

life blows.


----------



## bandit.45

You did what you could. You fought for your stepson and your marriage. This woman is broken and will never have a stable life. 

Life doesn't blow. Life just handed you a mulligan. You dodged a bullet and you will find a better woman to take her place. Just keep trading up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acabado

I guess the child father fit more the OM's type. That's what she craves. She's so broken she has no idea of what she threw away, the chances for her to grow, the chances of her kid to have a great role model... really sad.


----------



## the guy

Have you talked to the grandparent with regard to having a relationship with the boy?
Maybe if they are receptive they can act as the go between and you won't even have to deal with your STBXW?

Maybe in time you can have a "big brother" capacity in this kids life?


----------



## jamie323

Well, she has been living at her parents house for a little while now. I havent seen her since she has been there. However, she texts me saying she misses me - and wishes we could work things out. She said that she isnt talking to the guy anymore, and swears up and down that she hasnt been seeing him, and only talked to him a couple times about 'work'. She said that she wont take any jobs that he will be working at, and that she wants to see me. I haven't taken her up on the offer to get together - but its been playing a number on my head the last week or so.

The other night we were texting on and off, and she said she was going 'out with friends' for the night to have a few drinks after work . Im not sure why she even told me - since she didn't invite me or anything. I had a weird gut feeling right when she told me. I could not get to sleep at all, and kept tossing and turning and thinking about her being out, and the possibility of her being with him. 

I know where the guy lives, so I get up, get dressed (its like 2:30 am) and go over to his house to see if her car is there. Its in this weird old apartment building. I get over to his apartment and sure enough, her car is out front. Im not really sure which apartment is his - all the lights seem to be off or curtains drawn at all the apartments. I walk over to the car, to make sure its hers (its pretty dark) - sure enough its hers.. its parked directly in front of one of the apartments. For proof, I take a quick picture of her car there, and start to turn around to leave when I hear a weird noise. Unsure of where it came from, I turn around and walk over towards an apartment when I hear the noise again - this time I know what it is.. its moaning. Moaning from both a man and a woman - and I recognize the voice. Im standing there in disbelief listening to this right outside the apartment door - the door is actually ajar a little.. by like 2 inches. I stand there and continue to hear more of the moaning. (It felt like I was standing there an eternity, but it was probably only a few seconds.)

So I push the door open and they are naked together on the couch and don't even notice that I open the door. They are naked RIGHT THERE in front of me on a couch 7 feet from an ajar door and she is giving him a bj. I am obviously stunned. I get pissed and yell at them 'What the F!!!, F both of you!' and I walk away. She screams at first and says 'oh my god!' then she actually curses me. Immediately afterwords she calls me 8 times in a row. I don't answer. There are more details Im not going to get into...

Needless to say - I am shaking right now even thinking about this. I was so stunned and sad the day after it happened - and now I am getting the rage. Serious rage that I am having a hard time controlling. I keep imagining my hands wrapped around that guy's neck, and seeing myself reacting differently - instead of walking away - walking inside and pummeling the guy into a wet pulp.. I am so pissed at myself for not taking a picture of them on the couch together.. I was feeling really crazy last night, and am still feeling really really crazy right now - and I dont know what to do. I wish I was making this up, but Im not.. I am literally having a hard time typing because my hands are shaking so much. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced.


----------



## anonymouskitty

Oh man!!! I'm sorry about this bro. Go NC on her, stop all communication and file now while your rage lasts. The kind of mind movies *shudders * Vent away bro vent away. Perhaps mori can help you if you pm him. Do you have any close friends or someone to talk to right now?


----------



## keko

Gut feeling proves correct once again.

Sorry you found it this way but its the final closure you needed. 

Hows the divorce coming?


----------



## Unsure in Seattle

Sorry, man. I'm not usually one of these "ARRGHDIVORCEYAIIGH" people, but there's no other way.

Please, don't do anything rash. take care of yourself. You will survive this.


----------



## jamie323

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Sorry, man. I'm not usually one of these "ARRGHDIVORCEYAIIGH" people, but there's no other way.
> 
> Please, don't do anything rash. take care of yourself. You will survive this.


Im just feeling sick to my stomach right now.. Its like the truth came tumbling down.. The wife sent a text saying that she is sorry I had to see that, and that it was a mistake, and that it was the only time that they 'hooked up' and more lies. She takes me for a complete fool. 

God, I have never felt so humiliated in my life.


----------



## Almostrecovered

ignore her texts/calls and file (you have no children, right?)

tell her if she has anything important to discuss she can contact your lawyer


----------



## lordmayhem

jamie323 said:


> Im just feeling sick to my stomach right now.. Its like the truth came tumbling down.. The wife sent a text saying that she is sorry I had to see that, and that it was a mistake, and that it was the only time that they 'hooked up' and more lies. She takes me for a complete fool.
> 
> God, I have never felt so humiliated in my life.


Sorry you saw that, but you did enter his residence. I hope this is the final straw because you've been waffling for weeks. Now it's time to stop the drama. Go hard NC with her from this point on.

*Change your phone numbers immediately*, right after reading this post if possible. That way she cannot contact you and you aren't tempted to respond to her texts and calls. *Remove that temptation, do it now*.


----------



## jamie323

lordmayhem said:


> Sorry you saw that, but you did enter his residence. I hope this is the final straw because you've been waffling for weeks. Now it's time to stop the drama. Go hard NC with her from this point on.
> 
> *Change your phone numbers immediately*, right after reading this post if possible. That way she cannot contact you and you aren't tempted to respond to her texts and calls. *Remove that temptation, do it now*.


Actually, I didnt enter his residence. The door was open a couple of inches, and I just pushed it all the way open. Its almost like she was trying to get caught.


----------



## Shaggy

It hurts I know, but now you will never suffer those what if she's telling the truth worries after you D her.

You know she's a cheater and a liar and as zero respect or love for you. She is someone you only want in your past and never ever in your future.

The next steps can now be taken without hesitation or second thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonymouskitty

lordmayhem said:


> Sorry you saw that, but you did enter his residence. I hope this is the final straw because you've been waffling for weeks. Now it's time to stop the drama. Go hard NC with her from this point on.
> 
> *Change your phone numbers immediately*, right after reading this post if possible. That way she cannot contact you and you aren't tempted to respond to her texts and calls. *Remove that temptation, do it now*.






jamie323 said:


> Actually, I didnt enter his residence. The door was open a couple of inches, and I just pushed it all the way open. Its almost like she was trying to get caught.


I think LordMayhem highlighted some of the text so that you'd catch on to the important bits


----------



## Shaggy

Oh and call her mom and tell her what happened and what you saw, so there is no doubt to the mom on why you are divorcing her daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

you need to be busy
to start...
1) make an appointment with lawyer
2) make appointment with doctor
3) call phone company and block her number or change your number
4) take out your half of money in accounts and move to new account, change any direct deposits, cancel joint credit cards
5) expose to appropriate people


----------



## happyman64

Run, run, run jame run.

And never look back.

Always trust your gut.

Now pull all her crap out of the house and dump it on her parents lawn. And yes, tell her parents what You saw so they know why you are moving on.

Good Luck Jamie. Life will get better for you once you throw out the trash.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

If your aren't changing the locks and moving bank accounts today, you know you should be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## crossbar

Good, now that she knows that you know the truth, maybe she'll leave you alone now.

Of course, after she composes a long e-mail trying to explain what happened and somehow making her actions your fault...blah...blah....


----------



## NaturalHeart

I am sorry you had to see that but maybe that is what will make you stop all contact with her. Cut that off and move on with your life. Get you together so you can enjoy a meaningful relationship with a woman who will appreciate you and what you have to offer the relationship. 

So Sorry about that image that I know is difficult to get out of your head. Your days will be so much brighter - consider that closure...


----------



## Acabado

shaylady said:


> I am sorry you had to see that but maybe that is what will make you stop all contact with her. Cut that off and move on with your life. Get you together so you can enjoy a meaningful relationship with a woman who will appreciate you and what you have to offer the relationship.
> 
> So Sorry about that image that I know is difficult to get out of your head. Your days will be so much brighter - consider that closure...


x1000!!!


----------



## lordmayhem

crossbar said:


> Good, now that she knows that you know the truth, maybe she'll leave you alone now.
> 
> Of course, after she composes a long e-mail trying to explain what happened and somehow making her actions your fault...blah...blah....


Heck, she might even register here and make a post and make you out to be a monster.


----------



## TDSC60

jamie323 said:


> Actually, I didnt enter his residence. The door was open a couple of inches, and I just pushed it all the way open. Its almost like she was trying to get caught.


NO! NO ! NO!

Do not start justifying or trying to analyze what she did with "maybe she wanted me to catch her", that is bullsh*t.

They came to the apartment hot and heavy, pushed the door shut while pawing at each other clothes - the door just didn't close all the way.

She must have known that you would get up in the middle of the night, get dressed, drive to his apartment, see her car, approach his apartment door, then decide to push the door open. How else could she have timed the blowjob so you could see it if she did not know how and exactly when all this would happen. Yeah, right, - she wanted to get caught. OH PLEASE.

Stop with the excuses and justifications and what ifs. 

No contact at all. Have her served. Do not talk or return text her. 

Get on with your life away from this broken, evil, lying woman.


----------



## iheartlife

What a user she is. She needs a stepdad / babysitter for her kid and she hates living with her mom. So embarassing and such a downer.

So now and then when she gets bummed out about losing a pad where she'd occasionally sleep, plus a stable male figure for her son, she texts to say she misses you.

She is Exhibit A of the selfish cake-eater. Please:

File for D
Find a good IC and discuss why you keep coming back for more from this emotionally abusing liar. (I was going to say award-winning, but the truth is, she's not good at it, even though she does it constantly.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

jamie323 said:


> Well, she has been living at her parents house for a little while now. I havent seen her since she has been there. However, she texts me saying she misses me - and wishes we could work things out. She said that she isnt talking to the guy anymore, and swears up and down that she hasnt been seeing him, and only talked to him a couple times about 'work'. She said that she wont take any jobs that he will be working at, and that she wants to see me. I haven't taken her up on the offer to get together - but its been playing a number on my head the last week or so.
> 
> The other night we were texting on and off, and she said she was going 'out with friends' for the night to have a few drinks after work . Im not sure why she even told me - since she didn't invite me or anything. I had a weird gut feeling right when she told me. I could not get to sleep at all, and kept tossing and turning and thinking about her being out, and the possibility of her being with him.
> 
> I know where the guy lives, so I get up, get dressed (its like 2:30 am) and go over to his house to see if her car is there. Its in this weird old apartment building. I get over to his apartment and sure enough, her car is out front. Im not really sure which apartment is his - all the lights seem to be off or curtains drawn at all the apartments. I walk over to the car, to make sure its hers (its pretty dark) - sure enough its hers.. its parked directly in front of one of the apartments. For proof, I take a quick picture of her car there, and start to turn around to leave when I hear a weird noise. Unsure of where it came from, I turn around and walk over towards an apartment when I hear the noise again - this time I know what it is.. its moaning. Moaning from both a man and a woman - and I recognize the voice. Im standing there in disbelief listening to this right outside the apartment door - the door is actually ajar a little.. by like 2 inches. I stand there and continue to hear more of the moaning. (It felt like I was standing there an eternity, but it was probably only a few seconds.)
> 
> So I push the door open and they are naked together on the couch and don't even notice that I open the door. They are naked RIGHT THERE in front of me on a couch 7 feet from an ajar door and she is giving him a bj. I am obviously stunned. I get pissed and yell at them 'What the F!!!, F both of you!' and I walk away. She screams at first and says 'oh my god!' then she actually curses me. Immediately afterwords she calls me 8 times in a row. I don't answer. There are more details Im not going to get into...
> 
> Needless to say - I am shaking right now even thinking about this. I was so stunned and sad the day after it happened - and now I am getting the rage. Serious rage that I am having a hard time controlling. I keep imagining my hands wrapped around that guy's neck, and seeing myself reacting differently - instead of walking away - walking inside and pummeling the guy into a wet pulp.. I am so pissed at myself for not taking a picture of them on the couch together.. I was feeling really crazy last night, and am still feeling really really crazy right now - and I dont know what to do. I wish I was making this up, but Im not.. I am literally having a hard time typing because my hands are shaking so much. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced.


Don't go losing your job or go to jail over this. It is clear you have been right the entire time and this just confirms everything. Finish the divorce, find a new woman and start a family. Life is tough, but don't ruin yours over moment. In 20 years, you'll probably be married with kids and coaching little league. You'll think back to this day and realize you made the right decision not to react with violence.

Good luck!


----------



## OldWolf57

Now you have all you need to move on and NOT even tx with her anymore. 

Go completely Dark from here on.


----------



## OldWolf57

Read the title of your thread.
Well you now know. And did the confronting all at once.


----------



## warlock07

What a lying POS. Don't even talk to her. Block her number


----------



## moxy

I'm sorry you had to see that! It's bad enough to read texts or emails with sex talk in them and I imagine this must have really hurt. At least you're 100% sure now of her lying cheating ways. 

Change your number and locks. Dump her stuff at her Mom's place. See an attorney about divorce. She is slime and you deserve better.


----------



## TrollBusta

Troll busted! Too bad, too. You were on a good roll there. You have real talent. But you flew too high, son. This story is preposterous.

You get up to go to his place, leaving the house at 2:30 AM. After getting your clothes on and driving, say you get there at 3 AM. You just so happen to hear them having sex all the way from the front of the apartment complex (hahah). And lo and behold! The door is ajar, 2 inches no less! Please. You messed up there. 

I say, though, the whole hot young wife going with a creepy old short shrimpy dude was a nice touch. Especially since you're 6'2" weall off, and built like Adonis. 

Better luck next time. :lol:




jamie323 said:


> Well, she has been living at her parents house for a little while now. I havent seen her since she has been there. However, she texts me saying she misses me - and wishes we could work things out. She said that she isnt talking to the guy anymore, and swears up and down that she hasnt been seeing him, and only talked to him a couple times about 'work'. She said that she wont take any jobs that he will be working at, and that she wants to see me. I haven't taken her up on the offer to get together - but its been playing a number on my head the last week or so.
> 
> The other night we were texting on and off, and she said she was going 'out with friends' for the night to have a few drinks after work . Im not sure why she even told me - since she didn't invite me or anything. I had a weird gut feeling right when she told me. I could not get to sleep at all, and kept tossing and turning and thinking about her being out, and the possibility of her being with him.
> 
> I know where the guy lives, so I get up, get dressed (its like 2:30 am) and go over to his house to see if her car is there. Its in this weird old apartment building. I get over to his apartment and sure enough, her car is out front. Im not really sure which apartment is his - all the lights seem to be off or curtains drawn at all the apartments. I walk over to the car, to make sure its hers (its pretty dark) - sure enough its hers.. its parked directly in front of one of the apartments. For proof, I take a quick picture of her car there, and start to turn around to leave when I hear a weird noise. Unsure of where it came from, I turn around and walk over towards an apartment when I hear the noise again - this time I know what it is.. its moaning. Moaning from both a man and a woman - and I recognize the voice. Im standing there in disbelief listening to this right outside the apartment door - the door is actually ajar a little.. by like 2 inches. I stand there and continue to hear more of the moaning. (It felt like I was standing there an eternity, but it was probably only a few seconds.)
> 
> So I push the door open and they are naked together on the couch and don't even notice that I open the door. They are naked RIGHT THERE in front of me on a couch 7 feet from an ajar door and she is giving him a bj. I am obviously stunned. I get pissed and yell at them 'What the F!!!, F both of you!' and I walk away. She screams at first and says 'oh my god!' then she actually curses me. Immediately afterwords she calls me 8 times in a row. I don't answer. There are more details Im not going to get into...
> 
> Needless to say - I am shaking right now even thinking about this. I was so stunned and sad the day after it happened - and now I am getting the rage. Serious rage that I am having a hard time controlling. I keep imagining my hands wrapped around that guy's neck, and seeing myself reacting differently - instead of walking away - walking inside and pummeling the guy into a wet pulp.. I am so pissed at myself for not taking a picture of them on the couch together.. I was feeling really crazy last night, and am still feeling really really crazy right now - and I dont know what to do. I wish I was making this up, but Im not.. I am literally having a hard time typing because my hands are shaking so much. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced.


----------



## Almostrecovered

are you like Dexter? but instead of a serial killer who kills serial killers you're a troll that trolls other trolls`


----------



## lovelygirl

TrollBusta said:


> Troll busted! Too bad, too. You were on a good roll there. You have real talent. But you flew too high, son. This story is preposterous.
> 
> You get up to go to his place, leaving the house at 2:30 AM. After getting your clothes on and driving, say you get there at 3 AM. You just so happen to hear them having sex all the way from the front of the apartment complex (hahah). And lo and behold! The door is ajar, 2 inches no less! Please. You messed up there.


lol.
I had a feeling that it was just like in the movies. Something didn't click right.


----------



## TrollBusta

Almostrecovered said:


> are you like Dexter? but instead of a serial killer who kills serial killers you're a troll that trolls other trolls`


No, no ..I admire the man's work. I feel bad, though. This is like Michelangelo making the perfect statue and instead of leaving it alone, he hits it once too many times with the chisel and lops off the nose. The statue, like this troll is left in ruins.

Hey, I've trolled my fair share of boards. But he made some noob mistakes. If he was living with her boy from the ages of 2 to 6 .. he needed to convey the sorrow of not seeing him again in a more genuine fashion. The non-chalant nature regarding this was very suspicious.

The photos being taken "under the covers"? :rofl: Puhlease. All the guy would see is some shadows. She'd likely do that in the bathroom. 

Those are a few issues with this story, but oddly enough, I overlooked them completely because the story was so riveting. But this last part with him walking in on them .. he went too far.


----------



## jamie323

TrollBusta said:


> No, no ..I admire the man's work. I feel bad, though. This is like Michelangelo making the perfect statue and instead of leaving it alone, he hits it once too many times with the chisel and lops off the nose. The statue, like this troll is left in ruins.
> 
> Hey, I've trolled my fair share of boards. But he made some noob mistakes. If he was living with her boy from the ages of 2 to 6 .. he needed to convey the sorrow of not seeing him again in a more genuine fashion. The non-chalant nature regarding this was very suspicious.
> 
> The photos being taken "under the covers"? :rofl: Puhlease. All the guy would see is some shadows. She'd likely do that in the bathroom.
> 
> Those are a few issues with this story, but oddly enough, I overlooked them completely because the story was so riveting. But this last part with him walking in on them .. he went too far.


Excuse me? Did I say I heard them having sex from the front of an apartment complex? Did I even say it was a 'complex'? I said I heard them from the front of her car, which was very close to the front of his apartment (which is some sort of converted hotel or something) in a fairly packed downtown area.. If you could READ, you would have READ THAT in the first place. I took a picture of her car - and had begun to walk away when I heard something. The front door to his apartment was only - maybe 10 feet away at this time - and I barely heard it. You can think what you want, but I calling me a g*ddamn liar is beyond the pale.

I mean, if you are trying to be a jerk - congrats on that... I dont have to defend myself from some jerk messing with people actually going through hard times. Its not my job to try and convince anyone of anything.. I came here for genuine help, and this is the sort of sh*t I get. Thanks so much. a$$. You didnt bust anything, except to prove you are a troll, not me.

What the hell makes you think I was 'nonchalant' about losing contact with a little boy that I love? You are a real piece of work. And then for other people to believe this guy and insult me just because he comes in here as a 'toll buster' and says he doesnt believe what HAPPENED to me? and he has 2 friggin posts on this board?? Yeah, I am left in ruines - but not because of some internet toughguy like you.. but because of real, tangible loss. 

Anyway - the only reason I logged on here today was to say that I told her parents, changed the locks, and made an appointment to see a councellor and a lawyer. I appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions, and help.. I dont appreciate being insulted by some internet toughguy who gets off on other people's sorrow. Good luck to everyone.


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## NaturalHeart

jamie323 said:


> Excuse me? Did I say I heard them having sex from the front of an apartment complex? Did I even say it was a 'complex'? I said I heard them from the front of her car, which was very close to the front of his apartment (which is some sort of converted hotel or something) in a fairly packed downtown area.. If you could READ, you would have READ THAT in the first place. I took a picture of her car - and had begun to walk away when I heard something. The front door to his apartment was only - maybe 10 feet away at this time - and I barely heard it. You can think what you want, but I calling me a g*ddamn liar is beyond the pale.
> 
> I mean, if you are trying to be a jerk - congrats on that... I dont have to defend myself from some jerk messing with people actually going through hard times. Its not my job to try and convince anyone of anything.. I came here for genuine help, and this is the sort of sh*t I get. Thanks so much. a$$. You didnt bust anything, except to prove you are a troll, not me.
> 
> What the hell makes you think I was 'nonchalant' about losing contact with a little boy that I love? You are a real piece of work. And then for other people to believe this guy and insult me just because he comes in here as a 'toll buster' and says he doesnt believe what HAPPENED to me? and he has 2 friggin posts on this board?? Yeah, I am left in ruines - but not because of some internet toughguy like you.. but because of real, tangible loss.
> 
> Anyway - the only reason I logged on here today was to say that I told her parents, changed the locks, and made an appointment to see a councellor and a lawyer. I appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions, and help.. I dont appreciate being insulted by some internet toughguy who gets off on other people's sorrow. Good luck to everyone.


 
Good luch to you Jamie- GOD BLESS


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## Shaggy

Good luck and strength to you. Keep us updated on how you are doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien

Concerning troll accusations...


Forum rules specify:

1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.


If you consider a thread to be a troll thread, you can report the post to the moderators by clicking on the report post icon. Hijacking threads with troll accusations is not necessary. Just avoid the thread, or report it.


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## LostAndContent

I hope you found some sort of happiness. You're much better off without her.


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## lordmayhem




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## Bamzor

What happen Jamie... I remember following this thread?


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## SasZ79

Zombie Thread.


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## MattMatt

Gosh. A zombie zombie thread!


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## Jasel

Zombie thread but so textbook. I knew how this would end just from reading the first post. 


TAM you've made me so cynical


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## sparrow555

The TrollBusta and OP's response to it are are hilarious in hindsight!!!



> And then for other people to believe this guy and insult me just because he comes in here as a 'toll buster' and says he doesnt believe what HAPPENED to me? and he has 2 friggin posts on this board?? Yeah, I am left in ruines - but not because of some internet toughguy like you.. but because of real, tangible loss


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## phillybeffandswiss

Bamzor said:


> What happen Jamie... I remember following this thread?


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/57424-step-son-no-legal-right.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/170817-ugh-not-again.html


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## jamie323

We separated and finalized the divorce like 2 years ago, and I'm much better for it. I ended up dating someone (as a previous post says) but we split up ages ago. Im dating someone awesome now, and loving life.


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## MachoMcCoy

WOW. It turned into a Frankenstein thread. Good luck to you.


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## Decorum

Wow, its amazing how much a betrayed partner wants to believe the lies of the cheater. It is just so hard to imagine them doing what they have done.


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