# I Want the ladies opinions



## bohumil12 (May 10, 2009)

I am going to try and be brief but I want a female perspective on what could be going on. My wife and I will be married for seven years on Memorial day. During the months of January and February everything appeared routine. We had occasional outings. She did her thing and I did mine. My wife all during our marriage internalizes problems and I am the one who usually has to initiate conversation to solve problems whether my fault or not. Periodically on occasions she went out and came home early in the morning with no phone call. Some occasions our two year old was with her. I asked her was she seeing someone and looking in my eye said no but we needed to talk about some internal problems. This goes on for a while. Eventually she teels me she feels lonely and smothered. That I should leave, cause she needs space. I try to get her to work things out and she states..." I am not there yet"... or we are not there yet. In the month of March was hell month. April it kind of tapered down. May first 1 I left the house and we had two incidents where I apologized and she says I am doing the same thing over and over, that she can't process. She says I am trying to put an agenda on the separation. I don't drink,smoke, run the streets, I don't verbally or physically abuse my wife. I took her out in April to the movies. I tried to kiss her and she leaned backed and said we are not there yet. Female friends and one counselor seem to think she isn't cheating just trying to punish and play games for my emotional neglect. I have admitted this to her on several occasions. She said she forgave me only after I met her to talk. I have shown acts of kindness. I get mixed advice that I should not contact to make her miss me. Contact her , but if I do I will be playing into the role of her controlling me. How do I break contact when I have a child involved? On top of that her son and I don't get along. Everyone advises she doesn't want to end it that she needs time. I have found an apartment and I have to tell her. She still thinks I amat my moms, here she has control. Last Thursday she allowed me to hug her three times and I heard her under her breath say.. umm you smell good. Is the hugging a sign she is slowly opening up? What should I do? I have a detail day by day blow I have let friends read to get a take on my situation. If anyone would like it to make a decision or suggestion let me know and I can email it to you I always keep a prayer journal. I must say since I left we have been talking better. Will she eventually open up. Help please ladies.


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## mrslmndz (Apr 14, 2009)

Were did she stay those two days? It seems as if she's confused.. Did you neglect her... My ex used to say I neglected him but I was always there with and for him.. It turned out to be just an excuse..He left me to be with another girl the day he left. As a matter of fact I had neglected myself. Which he even threw it in my face and six months later denied that he ever said that.. I think that you still have hope with her just be careful not to get your feelings hurt. Remember you have a say too.. I Often think about a couple of times when it seemed like my ex tried to reach out to me but I closed the doors on him because I was too hurt. Now I will never know if he tried to reach out or if he just was too used to me being there... All I was doing was protecting my feelings but now I regret not taking a chance. I think you still can work it out. TRY, give it your all and if it does not work out in the end you wont have a regret of never trying.


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## bohumil12 (May 10, 2009)

She said I emotionally neglected her by not paying her nay attention. She came home those two nights she had my daughter. I would giv eyou all the details but they are long.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Emotional neglect is a tough thing for anyone to get over. 

What does your list of priorities look like? Where does she fit in? Is she at the top of that list? or somewhere close to the bottom? Think about it!

Her perception of the relationship is no the same as yours, obviously. Do you know what happened to bring this on? Was she talking and you were not "listening"?


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## bohumil12 (May 10, 2009)

Now my priorities include her. I still get I don't know if I want to go out yet or we are not there yet. Being in this state of limbo isn't fair as it seems my life is on hold. It would be easier for me to not have any contact with her if I didn't have a two year old daughter. The fact of not knowing is a killer.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Whether you stay or split, you still need to arrange how you will raise your daughter together. Did you say she has another son, too? It sounds like you two aren't communicating very well. Maybe start by discussing how you want to prioritize your time, do you spend freetime watching the kids, couples time, going out with friends time,etc.


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