# marriage = open legs



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

OK, here it goes, most of all on this site have been married a pretty long time,and I love that. My marriage included, there are always struggles, emotional, financial, sexual,etc. I told myself years ago, that I would'nt ever say no to him. We have been through much. Job loss, Bankruptcy, and a lot of fights... With alll of that said I still want my hubby in me and loving me with his big red.....

The point is through all the tough times, do you still seek your man/women and basically drain your loving brains with your love making skills.........yum ......yum


----------



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

we even taught our daughter, before marriage KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED, AFTER MARRIAGE NEVER CLOSE YOUR LEGS...


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why keep legs closed before marriage?

That could set them up for a horrible sexlife.


----------



## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Funny. MOst seem to think it's the other way round.


----------



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> we even taught our daughter, before marriage KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED, AFTER MARRIAGE NEVER CLOSE YOUR LEGS...


Shortly before my wedding, my mother gave me this advice, "If you want to keep your husband happy, always keep his belly full and never tell him you have a headache." LOL


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> Shortly before my wedding, my mother gave me this advice, "If you want to keep your husband happy, always keep his belly full and never tell him you have a headache." LOL


Sounds like 3 of Dave Chappell's 4 rules for keeping a man happy.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

anna garret 01 said:


> OK, here it goes, most of all on this site have been married a pretty long time,and I love that. My marriage included, there are always struggles, emotional, financial, sexual,etc. I told myself years ago, that I would'nt ever say no to him. We have been through much. Job loss, Bankruptcy, and a lot of fights... With alll of that said I still want my hubby in me and loving me with his big red.....
> 
> The point is through all the tough times, do you still seek your man/women and basically drain your loving brains with your love making skills.........yum ......yum


I only wish I had more mentors like you -with this attitude earlier in my marriage, I can't say one women ever talked to me about the importance or "drive" of a husband...for all I knew he felt the same as me. 

I did say "No" during our years of infertility - trying to conserve his sperm for better chances, this set him up for alot of hurt....but he hid it from me..... after this spell & the babies wouldn't stop coming, I rarely said No, but the internal damage was done....he never was the aggressive type, and we didn't talk about sex.....we could have enjoyed so very much MORE than what he did......all mindless and a waste of our good years.

Now.... I live what you wrote, the legs may be a little too open, nothing thrills me more than being intimate with my husband. If we could go back in time and relive those precious years, it would be the greatest thing...what a simple valuable truth I wish I had known all along.


----------



## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

why has the last 2 generations absolved themselves of teaching their children about sex and marriage, maybe a symptom of the final decay of western society, marriage is not a legal document, that is just so the divorce courts have something to go on, it is a commitment made in front of family and friends then consumated, this sexual bond is most strong if the woman has kept her legs closed to other men, so many women wish they were virgins to be their husbands pure darling, some strangely think that you need heaps of sex partners to get'experienced' with well why not heaps of loving with one man, surely that is what women really want


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

You wouldn't believe the amount of men I know (good hard-working men by the way) who despair at the fact that their wives only sleeps with them as more of a favour than a genuine desire to show appreciation and affection. I don't think alot women realise the silent emotional hurt men go through when their wives reject them in that way.


----------



## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

very true, so many dont understand what covenant means, not what is in it for me, that is a contract, but what can i do for you, coupled with a loving heart willing to show it, equals an unbreakable marriage


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Its mutually open minds and open hearts, closed legs dont happen then , nor closing of marriages..nor relation nor commitment...but simply Fulfilling Life...


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I only wish I had more mentors like you -with this attitude earlier in my marriage, I can't say one women ever talked to me about the importance or "drive" of a husband...for all I knew he felt the same as me.
> 
> I did say "No" during our years of infertility - trying to conserve his sperm for better chances, this set him up for alot of hurt....but he hid it from me..... after this spell & the babies wouldn't stop coming, I rarely said No, but the internal damage was done....he never was the aggressive type, and we didn't talk about sex.....we could have enjoyed so very much MORE than what he did......all mindless and a waste of our good years.
> 
> Now.... I live what you wrote, the legs may be a little too open, nothing thrills me more than being intimate with my husband. If we could go back in time and relive those precious years, it would be the greatest thing...what a simple valuable truth I wish I had known all along.



OMG SA, I just had this exact conversation with my Wife last night after awesome sex. All the years wasted to sexual repression! The parallels continue huh!


----------



## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

Complexity said:


> You wouldn't believe the amount of men I know (good hard-working men by the way) who despair at the fact that their wives only sleeps with them as more of a favour than a genuine desire to show appreciation and affection. I don't think alot women realise the silent emotional hurt men go through when their wives reject them in that way.



you are right. most dont.


----------



## eastcoastgirl (Jul 8, 2011)

I think I can honestly say that I have never rejected my husband's advances in bed. I did in the very early years of our marriage when my kids were young, working full time and having the day to day stress of work, homework, baths ect. I found myself trying to be everything to everyone. When he would gently wrap his arms around me while I was cooking or whatever, I would push him away not knowing the pain I was inflicting on him. I was rejecting him not knowing that was what I was doing. My parents were NEVER affectionate that we saw, but I know they were sexually active at least 5 times. LOL. 
With all of this said, I learned to accept love and in doing that I believe that I also became more in love with sex. 
Rejection is something that doesn't heal easily and IF I CouLd go back into time, my love would never have experienced that and I can only imagine what our sex life would be now, considering it is steamy hot.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

eastcoastgirl said:


> I think I can honestly say that I have never rejected my husband's advances in bed. I did in the very early years of our marriage when my kids were young, working full time and having the day to day stress of work, homework, baths ect. I found myself trying to be everything to everyone. When he would gently wrap his arms around me while I was cooking or whatever, I would push him away not knowing the pain I was inflicting on him. I was rejecting him not knowing that was what I was doing. My parents were NEVER affectionate that we saw, but I know they were sexually active at least 5 times. LOL.
> With all of this said, I learned to accept love and in doing that I believe that I also became more in love with sex.
> Rejection is something that doesn't heal easily and IF I CouLd go back into time, my love would never have experienced that and I can only imagine what our sex life would be now, considering it is steamy hot.


 Nice to see your post. No worries your husband doesn't even hardly remember that stuff. He doesn't concern himself with the past, only the present and the future. He is totally pleased with you nowadays and the futures so bright hes gotta wear shades!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> OMG SA, I just had this exact conversation with my Wife last night after awesome sex. All the years wasted to sexual repression! The parallels continue huh!


There is nothing I despise or regret more in my marraige ...than the effects of sexual repression, being TOO religiously minded, feeling my flesh was "dirty", certain acts were "dirty" - without a balanced healthy sexual education. I've cried a river over what it cost us, the unlived experiences... that pretty much fuel my fantasies of today. 

A bit amazed how those parallels still continue to surface as we post - ha ha


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> There is nothing I despise or regret more in my marraige ...than the effects of sexual repression, being TOO religiously minded, feeling my flesh was "dirty", certain acts were "dirty" - without a balanced healthy sexual education. I've cried a river over what it cost us, the unlived experiences... that pretty much fuel my fantasies of today.
> 
> A bit amazed how those parallels still continue to surface as we post - ha ha


-----if you are a Christian, you are wrong in being a Sexual Repressor so far 

Read The Song of Songs...Its one of the best Guides for Erotic Love...:smthumbup:


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Claude Veritas said:


> -----if you are a Christian, you are wrong in being a Sexual Repressor so far
> 
> Read The Song of Songs...Its one of the best Guides for Erotic Love...:smthumbup:


while the song of Solomon is as you say; preachers generally preach so hard in the other direction that everyone comes away repressed.

It should not be so. Life is a balancing act so should it be with spirituality.


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

All I can say is Wow..... There are women who think this way????:scratchhead:

Open you legs and all will be fine???? 

Is this due to a religious patriarchal upbringing???

Are you saying you're menfolk control your bodies and are at your beckon call????


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> while the song of Solomon is as you say; preachers generally preach so hard in the other direction that everyone comes away repressed.
> 
> It should not be so. Life is a balancing act so should it be with spirituality.


Most Preachers are Ignorant or Conditioned by Church...and they dont even interpret the Scriptures rightly, rather they are guided by some Church Doctrines ...

Balance of Materiality and Spirituality is infact what Jesus Himself ,directed ordinary people to do so...

and infact almost all of His Apostles were married and took their wives along when they traveled and whenever it was possible ,except John and perhaps James, who seems ,were unmarried...and Paul ,The "Special" Apostle had self chosen to be celibate...

The Truth is Bible glorifies Sex...and only condemns the uncanny realms...


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Claude Veritas said:


> -----if you are a Christian, you are wrong in being a Sexual Repressor so far
> 
> Read The Song of Songs...Its one of the best Guides for Erotic Love...:smthumbup:


 Claude, I agree with your 2nd post when you said .."*'Most Preachers are Ignorant or Conditioned by Church...and they dont even interpret the Scriptures rightly, rather they are guided by some Church Doctrines* "... Freaking amen to that !!

I no longer consider myself a Christian , I see no sense in trying to defend myself against "Fundamentalists", better to just separate myself .... I put reason before blind faith, this has enabled me to be more tolerate, more loving and I feel more in tune with my creator. Though others will tell me I am all wet, that is fine.

I feel I went to a near "Puritan" church ... Songs of Solomen was never uttered or hinted at.. Funny... how many wives did he have??...according to 1 Kings 11:3, -he had 700 wives & 300 concubines... Something is a little twisted about that, isn't it? 

No, it was all fire & brimstone and our Flesh is "dirty", we need to put it down, premarital sex is deserving of Hell, so it a little Lust, deserving of plucking out our eyes ... ... for me, I could not turn "the switch" ...strippers were condemned, but once married, once we walked down that aisle , we are somehow encouraged to act like them for our husbands --really!!? 

No, that "good girl" Mentality wasn't that easy to throw off- it left some deep imprints on my brain......and it kept me "caged". My own conscience warred against it -but I was too weak and uneducated to overcome it . (Can look up my "Awakening" thread- some links within from a psychological perspective to explain what can happen to some .......so I am not alone)... 

Not everyone is affected by this... I realize that.... I feel the deeper thinkers are more to fall prey, I tried to take religion/God/ what he wanted from me so very seriously, I feel that was to my detriment. Had I taken a more casual attitude without trying to figure out every detail and demise of my life -due to my sexuality, I might have been OK, and even thrived. But hey, I was young, impressionable and uneducated. 

....NOW, getting away from all of that.....I have never felt so alive and in tune with who I was meant to be all along , I found more christian books on sex a hinderance (just being honest), I think the judgemental stuck out for me at every turn & only hindered..... I found the secular more freeing, more human somehow, more understanding of our natures, although many things in the secular I do not totally agree with -so I spit out what doesn't resonate with me, just as I pretty much do with the bible as well. I am an admitted Cherry picker. 

I found this to be the most well written book on sex for the 
Christian Amazon.com: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (9782913356559): Kevin Leman: Books Had I had something like this to guide me in our early marraige and I took it to heart....maybe I would not have remained mentally caged, I don't know, all speculation.


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I knew there was a reason I chose Anna Garrett as a VP pick in my fictional run for President


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Simply

I infer, you have been uncannily taught through Rigid, LEGALISTIC , MYOPIC ,Traditional Teachings and Hereditary Prejudices...on The Christian Faith n Life...as a result of "churching doctrines" imparted by the "Fathers" and preachers...

Bible needs to be understood with commonsense and wisdom as well...This dint happen with the "Authorities" and hence people were/are taught the wrong teachings...through the churches and parishes and "books"..

Now, to depict

The Scriptures is a Synthesis of Divinity and Raw Humanity...to be followed by Humans ( they have their Free Will )..It depicts a Synthesis of Freedom and Discipline...Not RIGIDITY...it shows a Path of Abundant Life , in all dimensions of Life,Phy,Mental,Spiritual and Societal...

It glorifies Life ,Love,Sex etc etc in a Synthesis of Discipline and Freedom...

"Its like reminding you

"Power without Love is Reckless , Abusive and Collaterally destructive... 

and Love without Power ( of its Strength, Discipline,Wisdom ) is merely Sentimental,Anaemic, and Collaterally and Colossally destructive..."


Stop here and think...and ponder...one will realize CONTEXTUALLY, why there was idealism mentioned, why there are the Proverbs , why there was The Song of Songs...why there was Freedom of Spirit ...of Liberty ...why there was the Manifestation of The Christ..?and Christ is not a Pacifistic One, nor a Dictator...why there was The Law and The Grace...?

Why Jacob loved Rachel..why The Shulamite Girl loved The Shepherd..?


It gives the guidance to Love in Agape,Storge , Philos and Eros...

It actually takes care of Material Life and Spiritual Life and Eternal Realms...as for the humans... 

Infact, a such a Man, who knows The Scriptures can love the best, in all its forms( A,S,P,E) than any other ...similarly a Woman...who knows it as well..



-----


As Paul says

"All Things are Permissible ( in your Free Will)

but not everything is Beneficial..."

People can use their Physical,Mental,Spiritual,Societal Dimensions as they wish....yet whats beneficial materially ,spiritually or eternally ,and what not can determine their fates and destinies, here and after...

"Its a Liberating Scripture than a Liberalizing One..".


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

A woman isn't a hore just because she isn't a virgin.

Good lovemaking can make husbands overlook many shortcomings.

When my husband was unemployed a few years ago, we had even more sex than usual.

He found it soothing and reassuring. 

Sex reminded us that we would triumph over those bad times, as long as we remembered to love each other.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*Are you saying you're menfolk control your bodies and are at your beckon call???? *

I don't think that is what anyone is saying.... More like, we are not witholding sex and love from the husbands.... not using sex as a weapon, a punishment, or a bartering tool. This builds a stronger, more loving relationship. This is how healthy relationships work. 

Works for me anyway....and besides, I cannot figure out why anyone would withold the awesomeness that making love should be. Or, why some people (including my ex) don't realize when the sex isn't so hot and attempt to make it the awesomeness that it SHOULD be!


----------



## Mrs. Yes (Jan 5, 2012)

I have been married 21 years and probably refused about 5-10% of my husbands advances over the first 20 years. 

This year I made a resolution to never deny him. Just by making the resolution I have fired myself up and find myself anticipating and wanting sex more now than in any other point in our marriage.

We are off to a great 2012!

I will never say no in 2012


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> All I can say is Wow..... There are women who think this way????:scratchhead:
> 
> Open you legs and all will be fine????


Yup, just like 7/11. Afterall, women are just the sum of what's between their legs. Men too.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> All I can say is Wow..... There are women who think this way????:scratchhead:
> 
> Open you legs and all will be fine????
> 
> ...


Nope, no one is saying that. This thread is in response to the many here in which wives refuse their husbands sex most of the time or all of the time.

How often do you turn your husband down for sex when he wants it? How often do you initiate?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> *Are you saying you're menfolk control your bodies and are at your beckon call???? *
> 
> I don't think that is what anyone is saying.... More like, we are not witholding sex and love from the husbands.... not using sex as a weapon, a punishment, or a bartering tool. This builds a stronger, more loving relationship. This is how healthy relationships work.
> 
> Works for me anyway....and besides, I cannot figure out why anyone would withold the awesomeness that making love should be. Or, why some people (including my ex) don't realize when the sex isn't so hot and attempt to make it the awesomeness that it SHOULD be!


I have seldom said no.. maybe when I was sick. Just cannot remember any time that I did. Mostly I'm always up for a good roll in the hay.. I love sex... so why would I turn it down? I used to initiate a lot too.

Unfortunately my husband as put an end to our sex life. I have no idea why. He prefers to play games on the computer now. I don't get it.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> How often do you turn your husband down for sex when he wants it?


Me, never. Then again, my husband isn't a demanding jerk who "sums" up my worth by wanting me open 24/7. He also doesn't play lame wannabe Jedi mind tricks to control me. Amazing how life works when both are considered equals, nobody manipulates each other and values one another for more than what is between their legs. How does that work out? Well sex this morning in bed and twice yesterday.....in a hot tub and a car.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Claude Veritas*-- Believe me, I know all about how I was messed up in the past, and yes .......it was ridgid & rediculous .... our oldest son is a Worship Leader/ Youth Leader .....he has what you are talking about in full swing, he finds great Joy in life and living as a Chrisitian....unlike my earlier experience..... I tell him if he turns into a Fundamentalist, I am going to kick him out of our house (which he laughs at), as he has his own issues with those types. 

We are not in agreement Doctrinally ..... but we still love & respect each other.... he often tells me --what I had was "religion", I really can't argue with him but yet, I still enjoy my "deist" take on Life and God, no cares to go back to Christianity any time soon, I simply have too many issues with it .... any "us against them" all inclusive mentality -will never work for me -it wars against my mind....but I will always LOVE and appreciate many Proverbs, also Eccesiates and it is very common for me to use scriptures on this forum even from time to time if I feel they are full of wisdom, which many many are...but I see wisdom in many places.... not just 1 Holy Book. 



> So many ways to interpret the Bible ...some examples.... who is to say which is true...
> 
> 
> Literal: The Fundamentalist view
> ...


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SA, Too funny! My son too is a worship leader....yep really. 

I also have a masters in theology but my views are so far from the fundamentalist stuff they preach that I would be considered heretical. LOL!


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl:

It didn't take long for this thing to get all feministic and "omg! some women are like 7-11?" 

Geebus.

The OP was just stating not to be an icy prude when you get married. I'm sure a man could write a thread saying "Listen to your wives and show her you adore her". Isn't that what most of this site talks about anyway? Husbands wants sex, women want attention?

Criminy.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

that_girl said:


> :rofl:
> 
> It didn't take long for this thing to get all feministic and "omg! some women are like 7-11?"
> 
> ...


The 7-11 remark was sarcasim in response to someone who tried to make it sound like the OP and those who agreed indoctrinated to let their husbands own them.


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> :rofl:
> 
> It didn't take long for this thing to get all feministic and "omg! some women are like 7-11?"
> 
> ...


Yes what a wonderful concept that all men and women have the same sex drive and are in simpatico. Sorry that it sounds unseemly that a women has to be sexually available whenever her husband wants "ït". I am flabbergasted at the universal acceptance of the OP.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

that_girl said:


> :rofl:
> 
> It didn't take long for this thing to get all feministic and "omg! some women are like 7-11?"
> 
> ...


I agree That girl.

If men want a woman who opens her legs, he better adore her and make sure he keeps her interest and attraction.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> SA, Too funny! My son too is a worship leader....yep really.
> 
> I also have a masters in theology but my views are so far from the fundamentalist stuff they preach that I would be considered heretical. LOL!


That is insane about your son ! WOW ...Does he have a hearts desire to be a Youth Pastor too.... Ours does ! He does the Camp Counselor thing too in the summers. Well, my husband has never cared for religion - no Theology interest there. I was the "hermeneutics" explorer, the one who drug him to church 3 times a week in our early yrs -he could have cared less. What was really funny is... I was supposably the Christian and he had WAY more Fruits of the Spirit than me.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

that_girl said:


> :rofl:
> 
> It didn't take long for this thing to get all feministic and "omg! some women are like 7-11?"
> 
> ...


Even though I'm not a feminist, the whole telling your daughters legs open thing offended me too. I think there is a much less offensive way to teach our daughters about sex in marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> He also doesn't play lame wannabe Jedi mind tricks to control me.


This isn't the thread you are looking for, TheRealBrighteyes.

You want to go home and re-examine your life.

Move along.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

pidge70 said:


> Even though I'm not a feminist, the whole telling your daughters legs open thing offended me too. I think there is a much less offensive way to teach our daughters about sex in marriage.


 I did a thread on what I will teach my daughter , I put the HEART of the matter into this thread .... I may not use the terminolgy of "opening legs" when I teach her --but I feel very very strongly about her loving her husband enough to be there for him when he is physically in need. Not enough women are taught this or given a good sexual education. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family...-sex-relation-love-her-emotions-her-life.html


----------



## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Yes what a wonderful concept that all men and women have the same sex drive and are in simpatico. Sorry that it sounds unseemly that a women has to be sexually available whenever her husband wants "ït". I am flabbergasted at the universal acceptance of the OP.


This conversation goes both ways - some men reject their wife as is well evidenced on this board and even in this thread; and women seem to interpret the rejection the same way. But, I'll use the male/female pronouns as appropriate to reply to your comment. Also, I will assume that there is no physical barrier, such as pain precluding intimacy, just mismatched libidos.

I would agree that a woman need not be "available" whenever her husband wants it. But that is not really what people are saying. They are saying that they want it or have learned to want it when their husband does because they realize that making your spouse happy is a good way to keep a marriage strong and that loving someone means caring about their happiness at least as much as your own. As a few people stated, many women view realtions with their husbands as a chore and do it infrequently or halfheartedly. Many if not all men interpret this sexual rejection as a rejection of the whole person, that their spouse does not love them and is not attracted to them. Additionally, it is degrading and embarassing to be intimate with someone who just wants the event to end (picture the many movie scenes where people are engaging and the woman is looking at her watch or doing her nails; pretty degrading for the male). Certainly, men must be grown up and realize that some times are just not good, and if there is an ailment that precludes activity, that inability is not a rejection. But being rejected is emotionally damaging and will stress the marriage.

What you seem to be saying is that if a female's drive is lower than her husbands, she should only engage when she wants to. I do not see the difference between her doing it 1 time more per year or 5 times more per week, if in your opinion it is wrong for her to put out when she does not want it. Well then, she is sexually fulfilled and her husband is not. Moreover, the husband is and feels emotianally rejected, unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. (Read the many, many posts written here, as well as books, where men who are physically fit, hard working, enamorous of their spouse, and attentive are reduced to resentful emotional shells by their spouses' rejections.) So, the woman is getting what she wants while the man is deflated. Again, a recipe for an unhappy marriage and a sign that the woman really doesn't care that much about her husband's happiness. 

What is a woman to do? As stated above, she can pretend (being available occasionally more than she would like to be); but that won't really fool him or her, and both will grow resentful. She can say no frequently and act within the bounds of her own libido; same result. She can try to learn to love him the way he wants to be loved, openly communicate about sexuality with him; maybe she'll realize that what she thought was just an animalistic act was really her husband's exceptional affection for her and his way of showing that she is who he wanted to be with. Maybe she'll see that the more she builds his confidence in their relationship, the easier it is for her to say no without rejecting him. Maybe also she'll discover what counselors have been advocating, that many women experience desire after they are aroused, not before, and just doing it will make them realize how happy a mutually satisfying relationship can be.

Many on this board seem to be very happy making their spouse happy, and I assume that the happiness extends outside the bedroom 90% of the time.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Funny, I want my wife to say no to me more often. In fact, I want her to show off those lovely legs of hers, get my attention, but THEN... to tell me NO!

Hehe it drives me nuts


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

This goes to my posts in "Sex & what is normal", where no one was willing tro give a # and most decided to brag about how much sex they had, or lament the lack of it.... 

If a husband asks for sex 1X/wk, yep I think the spouse should be okay with it. If it is only 1X/mth (which falls within the definition of sexless), by all means spread your legs, and then question him as to why you have a "sexless marriage. However if he is asking 3+X's/wk and you are not getting the same enjoyment and or orgasms, I am amazed women (or men) are okay with that. 

Amazed that I am the loony one here.......:scratchhead:


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

For me it takes the intimacy right out of it. Each time my husband makes love to me I fashion in my mind this beautiful unfolding of myself that I'm offering to him willingly and passionately because I want to. Of course, that excludes the times I'm bending over the bathroom sink for a quickie--but--in those cases my head is spinning with the lust that still exists between us to create a scenario where we are too impatient for the dance. 

I'd never be caught dead telling anyone to open their legs all the time, especially my daughter. I'm sure that's not what's necessarily intended by this thread but you can be sure I won't be saying it to my daughter. Again, as I stated in the other thread about what to tell our daughters...actions speak louder than words. Hold hands with your husband, kiss him on the cheek, smile at one another, don't be afraid to say I'm sorry or graciously accept an apology. Watch as your kids say...."ewwwww!" but delight in the fact that their parents are actually in love. She'll get it and so will the son(s).


----------



## wifehubby (Jan 28, 2012)

One of the super positive things of islam is that it pretty gives you the make your marriage cheat proof instructions that are listed on one of the other threads and at the same time it makes it practically forbidden for a wife to refuse her husband, ( a husband can't force the wife though....). Also no anal sex and you pretty much have to have a shower the next morning which my wife complains about and uses as an excuse not to want to have sex... (long hair etc...). No sex is considered grounds for divorce for both genders. I think i will get that advice to my daughter though. I think that having good sex often would probably resolve 50% of all marriage issues and at the same time good sex is a confirmation that everything is goig well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I agree That girl.
> 
> If men want a woman who opens her legs, he better adore her and make sure he keeps her interest and attraction.


nice jab :smthumbup:

and i agree with this.
but i also think people can change for the better given the right circumstances.


----------



## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> This goes to my posts in "Sex & what is normal", where no one was willing tro give a # and most decided to brag about how much sex they had, or lament the lack of it....
> 
> If a husband asks for sex 1X/wk, yep I think the spouse should be okay with it. If it is only 1X/mth (which falls within the definition of sexless), by all means spread your legs, and then question him as to why you have a "sexless marriage. However if he is asking 3+X's/wk and you are not getting the same enjoyment and or orgasms, I am amazed women (or men) are okay with that.
> 
> Amazed that I am the loony one here.......:scratchhead:


You are focusing on quanity not quality. The question is whether what the LD spouse is doing is sufficient to satisfy the HD spouse. Why does the LD spouse have to get the same enjoyment and/or orgasms. I do lots of things for my spouse that are not by themselves enjoyable. That my spouse does not have to do them is where the pleasure is. I am not bitter or resentful or looking for something in exchange, I just genuinely enjoying freeing up my spouse from doing something she'd prefer not to do. (As far as sex goes, I assume intercourse when one party is not into it is worse than not fun; why not be into something sexual that is not intercourse - enjoy giving your partner pleasure as your partner should enjoy pleasing you - sexually and non-sexually.) I do not mean a barter type relationship, I mean loving making someone else feel good. Rubbbing someone's back is not pleasurable for the rubber, and even a job when done by unrelated people (masseuse), but when you love someone, you should derive pleasure from making them happy.

If you leave your spouse sexually (and, often, therefore, emotionally) unhappy, you are not only not loving them by ignoring their happiness, but also putting strain on your marriage. And, 3x a week as your unreasonably demanding standard is awefully low (albeit more than I get, but that is why I am writing these replies ).


----------



## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

I completely agree with the OP...
When me and my wife took it to that next level, we did everything, she even did things that girls were not suppose to do...
And after bout twenty years, we still here... And that's not without having our problems...

She's a true lady in the streets, but a freak between the sheets...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Yes what a wonderful concept that all men and women have the same sex drive and are in simpatico. Sorry that it sounds unseemly that a women has to be sexually available whenever her husband wants "ït". I am flabbergasted at the universal acceptance of the OP.


I'm not really sure why you seem upset/angry about this thread. No one is suggesting that someone should just put out because their spouses demands it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Even though I'm not a feminist, the whole telling your daughters legs open thing offended me too. I think there is a much less offensive way to teach our daughters about sex in marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am offended by the use of "open leg" language. It's a pretty crass way to talk about making love with one's husband.

But I had not said anything because I agree that neither spouse should be a prude and us that to withhold sex.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wifehubby said:


> One of the super positive things of islam is that it pretty gives you the make your marriage cheat proof instructions that are listed on one of the other threads and at the same time it makes it practically forbidden for a wife to refuse her husband, ( a husband can't force the wife though....). Also no anal sex and you pretty much have to have a shower the next morning which my wife complains about and uses as an excuse not to want to have sex... (long hair etc...). No sex is considered grounds for divorce for both genders. I think i will get that advice to my daughter though. I think that having good sex often would probably resolve 50% of all marriage issues and at the same time good sex is a confirmation that everything is goig well
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's nonsense. There is nothing that affair proofs a marriage based on Islam. It tells a woman that she cannot refuse her husband when he wants sex. That it's her obligation. It gives no recognition that the woman has needs as well. If it affair proof the marriage Muslim men would not cheat on their wives... they do. 

Men who want to cheat will do so even if they have a willing woman at home. The same goes for women.


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> This isn't the thread you are looking for, TheRealBrighteyes.
> 
> You want to go home and re-examine your life.
> 
> Move along.


Hahahaha, that just made my night. If you're a star wars junkie then you'll get it


----------



## ICouples (Jan 13, 2012)

:smthumbup:


bubbly girl said:


> Shortly before my wedding, my mother gave me this advice, "If you want to keep your husband happy, always keep his belly full and never tell him you have a headache." LOL


----------



## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

as long as men cant govern their own desire and lust no religion stands a hope of stopping anything, people born into islam are in bondage, slaves to a man made religion, especially the women, but they do have more dignity than most western woman who think that having sex with lots of guys is free choice and equality, i think the muslim women are disgusted by it.


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> *Claude Veritas*-- Believe me, I know all about how I was messed up in the past, and yes .......it was ridgid & rediculous .... our oldest son is a Worship Leader/ Youth Leader .....he has what you are talking about in full swing, he finds great Joy in life and living as a Chrisitian....unlike my earlier experience..... I tell him if he turns into a Fundamentalist, I am going to kick him out of our house (which he laughs at), as he has his own issues with those types.
> 
> 
> ----*I hate Religiosity...and Religion...and there is NO RELIGION founded by Jesus nor His Apostles...and Christ is not The Christ of Christianity..but The Christ of God..*.so whether some one is a Christian, a Worship Leader by Religion or Not...It does not matter at all to Him ..what matters is The Knowledge and Faith in Christ...thats not LUKEWARM nor having doubts and dilemma...and resentment owing to Wrong Treatments by religious others and religious self...that they leave Christ Himself , for the wrong doings and their own misinterpretation and "freedom" ...
> ...


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It seems what is most offsetting by this thread .....to some who are flabbergasted, or the notion absurd ....is the terminology of "open Legs".... I have to be honest.....It didn't seem to bother me one bit, it is like I didn't even "see it" --but still felt the "meaning" of her words none the less. Maybe it is because I am not always such a puritan talker in regards to sex.... I can get down right vulgar at times - and still see the beauty somehow. .. I don't know! 

But I am still very much a Lady outside of the bedroom . 

I guess we all "see" what we want to see when we read something. 


The OP is obviously happily married, it was one thing they had & shared & both agreed upon ...willingly & givingly in spirit...... to keep their marriage bond, even during the harder times. How is this not beautiful? 

For some, even a little refusing hurts deeply...... my husband is that type of man, he was very very sensitive to my rejection...damn near overly so. Do I feel he was being rediculous for that....absolutely not. I was the one in the wrong. I was the selfish spouse taking his love for granted.

We talked about this a little before he went to bed and I was thrilled with what he said.....he is the type who feels a spouse should never refuse (unless obviously sick or dying for sleep), that is what being married is all about........ it means the absolute WORLD to him that I am there in spirit, willing, and wanting to share in his pleasure, it is an attitude of enthusiam & love. Some may find that pressuring somehow -but for ME, I want a spouse who feels exactly what he spoke.... I would be upset if he didn't feel that way!! 

There is something proufoundly beautiful about..."when your spouse reaches for you-being lovingly receptive to that." Grudgingy is terribly demeaning and hurtful to the spirit of the one in need. That is just how I see life and have learned from my own mistakes. 

He has already demonstrated to me how much he lives & breaths his own "beliefs" - as when I caused him some performance pressure in the past, I got myself some toys & he still didn't want me to use them, he told me he only wanted me to use HIM, he wanted to be my sole pleasure. That meant the world to me, as I didn't care for those toys anyway, it was hollow for me. 

But there is a responsibility in all this... our spouses need to treat us right, loving us with thier whole hearts every day inside and out, we need to keep up our end of the loving & cherishing if we want treatment like this. Not talking about some beastly man beating his chest saying "I need it , I need it- perform woman & open your legs". 

That is just not what this thread is about .


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

What crap is wrong in saying open legs..after all..?

Whether to have Sex or to have Baby or Piss, Women need to open their Legs...and opening the legs for The Right Purpose is what is mattering,if anything at all matters regard to opening and openings...

In The Act of Coitus...Women need to be a Gymnast in Its Need of Variety and Versatility and it all happens with Sounds and Music of Eros..and The Exquisite Legs need to be Open for The Comprehensive Exquisite ,Mutual Magnificent Game...


----------



## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Shooting from the hip or calling a spade a spade for some people is difficult to hear (or read). Legs open, ok that may be a bit hard but it's calling a spade a spade. That's all. Blunt and straight to the point.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> That is insane about your son ! WOW ...Does he have a hearts desire to be a Youth Pastor too.... Ours does ! He does the Camp Counselor thing too in the summers. Well, my husband has never cared for religion - no Theology interest there. I was the "hermeneutics" explorer, the one who drug him to church 3 times a week in our early yrs -he could have cared less. What was really funny is... I was supposably the Christian and he had WAY more Fruits of the Spirit than me.



Not sure about that part. He got involved when he was about 13 playing drums at church but his real love was guitar (like his dad). Over the years he moved to lead guitar and eventually became the worship leader. he's 28 now and a successful businessman. 

I went to seminary starting in 95 but will always have a rebel streak in me. After a while became convinced that a lot of preachers preach a certain doctrine that is their own interpretation and i believe is geared towards controlling others.

they would take a scripture and twisted somewhat in order to put a spin on it to support their own desires as it pertains to others but at the same time I noticed it was different when it came to themselves. they could find ways to justify their actions while condemning the same type actions of others.

I believe god is far to big to fit in the little box they try to put him in.


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I'm not really sure why you seem upset/angry about this thread. No one is suggesting that someone should just put out because their spouses demands it.


No that is exactly what the OP says..... And the title drives that home in the crassest of ways.....


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> As a real man that has two older daughters.....The title of this thread bothers me!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> No that is exactly what the OP says..... And the title drives that home in the crassest of ways.....


I don't see Anna saying spread your legs when your husband demands it. I read it as sex is an important bond that a husband and wife share and not something we should be denying each other. 

Just like my mom's advice of always keeping my husband's belly full and never telling him I have a headache, which I believe was great advice...simple and to the point. I'm pretty sure my mother wasn't telling me to have sex no matter what, even if I'm sick with the flu or something else valid. It was kind of tongue in cheek.


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> As a real man that has two older daughters.....The title of this thread bothers me!



That seems a Perceptional Dilemma...seems its affects you on the Psyche in a negative manner...


If Truly Real Men ,understand, in Maturity ( it does not matter , whether you are young than any old or a father of teenagers) that Women have their Bodies ..and Legs and they will open and thats things happen, without feeling it as crass or any crap, but simply the Reality and Truth, which is not ugly or disturbing, but is Natural and Beautiful in its Right Purpose...whether its a Mother or Daughter, or Sister or Wife or Woman Friend , a little girl( some time later she too) or a Big Girl, they all need to do it...and it need not bother you as an Ugly, Uncomfortable Thing, if your Mind is Saturated on its Understanding in its Purity of The Fact...and The Dynamics of Woman's Being...and for that , True Men , dont look down upon them , but are happy that they know The Art of Opening Legs that which is Part of Human Natural Living ...


----------



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

I don't see how opening your legs for your husband is seen as a terrible thing. As far as I know, if two people are married, its kind of a given that they're having sex. LOL


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> Having daughters changes a man's outlook on some things.
> You notice things that never bother you before.
> It may be just being a protective father.
> But I have to be 100% honest that the title of this thread bothers me.
> ...


The Title is Actually Marriage = Open Legs..

Is that any trouble...? 

Further, as already I mentioned it need not be perceived negatively. as normally people of mediocre minds might do...you need to have a Stronger Mind, a Better Understanding and Right Spirits in Accepting The Phrasing....Moreover...Self-Respect of a Woman does not go, if she *Opens her Legs* to her Hubby,and when she does that, she is a True Lady , a Feminine Full Woman, ....She is Confident,Understanding and Loving that she will need to, willingly do The Art in Action, whenever Its needed, and The Man loves such a One in their All *Rights* Inclusive Life Together..

Right Spirits...


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

anna garret 01 said:


> I told myself years ago, that I would'nt ever say no to him.


Never? So if he beat you senseless you would still lay down with him? If he wanted to bring a third party in the bedroom you would still lay down with him? When would you not, or what be your deciding factor to not continue to do that?

The reason I'm asking is, you said you never would say no. Ok, well I'm assuming you mean you would never say no based on mutual love, respect, loyality faithfulness, no abuse etc type of thing correct? And yes, if it ever got to the point of things being that bad, then some should just divorce, BUT some do not and live like that.


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

In that case, wont you agree that Majority here never had an issue with The Title , but The Mediocre Minority....?esp Men ( I am ashamed of such )and *"The Project-Open Legs" * , title and content ,flow of Information and Discussion...has made its mark enough and more to be...



Dont have yourself boxed in and blocked...


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I don't really have a major issue with the title, but I will say marriage=open legs seems to sound kind of cheap.

Maybe it would be better to say marriage= hot lovely relations! :rofl: :smthumbup:

I know this is a little off topic but bubbly girl, haven't heard a update from you lately. I'm assuming you have found no more porn at all from your hubby and things are back on track?


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> OK, here it goes, most of all on this site have been married a pretty long time,and I love that. My marriage included, there are always struggles, emotional, financial, sexual,etc. *I told myself *years ago, that I would'nt ever say no to him. We have been through much. Job loss, Bankruptcy, and a lot of fights... With alll of that said I still want my hubby in me and loving me with his big red.....
> 
> The point is through all the tough times, do you still seek your man/women and basically drain your loving brains with your love making skills.........yum ......yum


I don't think it's about having open legs. That is a result that can help feed the marriage, but it's not the beginning. 

The beginning is about making a choice, each and every day - Anna even stated it in her OP as 3 little words bolded above that were more important than the 3 words 'open your legs' - and that is making a choice about being committed - and that means:

... having an open heart
... having an open mind
... having an open and giving spirit
... having open arms as well


and

... having open eyes and ears

As no one should have to 'open their legs' if they are not likewise being treated with dignity and respect.


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> I don't really have a major issue with the title, but I will say marriage=open legs seems to sound kind of cheap.
> 
> Maybe it would be better to say marriage= hot lovely relations! :rofl: :smthumbup:
> 
> ==Can you have *"Hot Lovely Relations" without the "Cheap Activity" of* *Opening your Legs.*.? "D:scratchhead::lol:


----------



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> I don't really have a major issue with the title, but I will say marriage=open legs seems to sound kind of cheap.
> 
> Maybe it would be better to say marriage= hot lovely relations! :rofl: :smthumbup:
> 
> I know this is a little off topic but bubbly girl, haven't heard a update from you lately. I'm assuming you have found no more porn at all from your hubby and things are back on track?


Yep.:smthumbup:


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

IMO Some People here need Good Sex Education for Right Spirits of Understanding for The Matters in Reference..:scratchhead:.

Shalom

God Speed


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Claude Veritas said:


> CallaLily said:
> 
> 
> > I don't really have a major issue with the title, but I will say marriage=open legs seems to sound kind of cheap.
> ...


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> As no one should have to 'open their legs' if they are not likewise being treated with dignity and respect.


:iagree: Amen!


----------



## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

While I understand the thought behind the OP's never say no philosophy, but I think it sounds better in theory than it actually is in practice. I was so torn by this thread that I asked my husband what he thought of the idea of a wife committing to never turning down her husband for sex, and he actually became angry. He said that if he ever found out I had sex with him just because I felt it was my duty, or to keep him happy, or because I thought it would keep him from cheating, he'd be devastated. He said that if he hasn't inspired me to want to make love to him through his treatment of me, his behavior, or his "mad flirting & foreplay skills" , or if I'm exhausted, sick, stressed out, or otherwise unable to enjoy sex as much as he would, then I'd [email protected] well better not just go along to get along. 
He had another interesting observation also. If it's all about keeping the husband happy, do the never say no wives ever initiate sex? He said he'd much rather have me say no when I just really wasn't in the mood, but initiate sex when I really was, than never say no when when he initiates. 

We ended the discussion by agreeing that whatever works for each couple is their own business, and the way we're doing things is right for us. Then we went to bed, because his answer reminded me of why I find him so darn attractive


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Claude Veritas said:


> ==Can you have *"Hot Lovely Relations" without the "Cheap Activity" of* *Opening your Legs.*.? "D:scratchhead::lol:


I`ve rarely ever had a pair of legs open for me for cheap.

rarely.

It`s almost always costly in one way or another.


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I`ve rarely ever had a pair of legs open for me for cheap.
> 
> rarely.
> 
> ...


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> While I understand the thought behind the OP's never say no philosophy, but I think it sounds better in theory than it actually is in practice. I was so torn by this thread that I asked my husband what he thought of the idea of a wife committing to never turning down her husband for sex, and he actually became angry. He said that if he ever found out I had sex with him just because I felt it was my duty, or to keep him happy, or because I thought it would keep him from cheating, he'd be devastated. He said that if he hasn't inspired me to want to make love to him through his treatment of me, his behavior, or his "mad flirting & foreplay skills" , or if I'm exhausted, sick, stressed out, or otherwise unable to enjoy sex as much as he would, then I'd [email protected] well better not just go along to get along.
> He had another interesting observation also. If it's all about keeping the husband happy, do the never say no wives ever initiate sex? He said he'd much rather have me say no when I just really wasn't in the mood, but initiate sex when I really was, than never say no when when he initiates.
> 
> We ended the discussion by agreeing that whatever works for each couple is their own business, and the way we're doing things is right for us. Then we went to bed, because his answer reminded me of why I find him so darn attractive


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

The title of the post and many who have posted have made the blanket statement (and how I've read it) that they would never, ever say no regardless of the amount of sex, time, place.......

Like your husband, I too would react the same way and be very concerned if it was that easy......


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Observation : Commonsense is not so common 


..and it reflects in Interpretations, Grievances on the Topic and Stubborn Conclusions...and Complaints...and extreme stances...


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

ok, sorry


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> While I understand the thought behind the OP's never say no philosophy, but I think it sounds better in theory than it actually is in practice. I was so torn by this thread that I asked my husband what he thought of the idea of a wife committing to never turning down her husband for sex, and he actually became angry. He said that if he ever found out I had sex with him just because I felt it was my duty, or to keep him happy, or because I thought it would keep him from cheating, he'd be devastated. He said that if he hasn't inspired me to want to make love to him through his treatment of me, his behavior, or his "mad flirting & foreplay skills" , or if I'm exhausted, sick, stressed out, or otherwise unable to enjoy sex as much as he would, then I'd [email protected] well better not just go along to get along.
> He had another interesting observation also. If it's all about keeping the husband happy, do the never say no wives ever initiate sex? He said he'd much rather have me say no when I just really wasn't in the mood, but initiate sex when I really was, than never say no when when he initiates.
> 
> We ended the discussion by agreeing that whatever works for each couple is their own business, and the way we're doing things is right for us. Then we went to bed, because his answer reminded me of why I find him so darn attractive


Hot.


----------



## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

women here full of feminist.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

vickyyy said:


> women here full of feminist.


What bothers you about the women here?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> As a real man that has two older daughters.....The title of this thread bothers me!


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> OK, here it goes, most of all on this site have been married a pretty long time,and I love that. My marriage included, there are always struggles, emotional, financial, sexual,etc. I told myself years ago, that I would'nt ever say no to him. We have been through much. Job loss, Bankruptcy, and a lot of fights... With alll of that said I still want my hubby in me and loving me with his big red.....
> 
> The point is through all the tough times, do you still seek your man/women and basically drain your loving brains with your love making skills.........yum ......yum


Anna... some here think that this post means that you think that a woman should never say no to her husband if he wants sex. That she should have sex if she's sick, if he abuses her, etc etc. Is this what you mean?

If not can you clarify when the circumstances under which you think a woman would be ok to turn down sex with her husband.


----------



## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

this is a power struggle topic, who has dominion over bodies if they are married.....the spouse, this goes both ways, common sense is good to use also, so if there is time of month, or sickness, or after baby birth then the decision is mutual, to deny sex for no valid reason is a selfish act and a sure sign the end of the marriage is on the way sooner or later


----------



## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

I don't think it's a sign the marriage is over just because one denys sex. Marriage doesn't always have to be about sex after all. There are so many other aspects of life that also need examining as well. I believe people can learn to live without sex and deal with their sexuality in other ways without encroaching on the other persons personal space. All we need to do is work out how to cope with it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Diolay said:


> I don't think it's a sign the marriage is over just because one denys sex. Marriage doesn't always have to be about sex after all. There are so many other aspects of life that also need examining as well. I believe people can learn to live without sex and deal with their sexuality in other ways without encroaching on the other persons personal space. All we need to do is work out how to cope with it.


 Do you know anything about the 5 love languages?? 

When 2 "physical touchers" marry & have "quality time" also at the top of their love languages (like me & mine) .... often sexual intimacy is the highlight of their day/ lives -we simply enjoy it more than anything else... I can not tell you how much it means to me that he feels the same in this. 


I think those who want their space , sex is not a big deal, could take it or leave it and /or enjoy masterbating alone should marry someone like minded. Every couple is different.... I have even seen it in friends marraiges.. the worst thing a dating couple can do ....is have a High driving physical Toucher marry a low driver who has physical touch at the bottom of their love languages list....

Total Train wreck, or years upon years of suffering for the higher driven spouse.


----------



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Anna... some here think that this post means that you think that a woman should never say no to her husband if he wants sex. That she should have sex if she's sick, if he abuses her, etc etc. Is this what you mean?
> 
> If not can you clarify when the circumstances under which you think a woman would be ok to turn down sex with her husband.


I am sorry my OP wasn't clear. I figured we are all intelligent people on this thread and that of course, without a shadow of a doubt, sickness, pregnancy, abuse or other issues would warrant a spouse not able to have sex.

My point was to have a servants heart toward my DH on this issue. To allow absolute trust and openess. He knows he never has to play head games with me to make love. He knows I have touched him deeply and him me by wanting to be a willing partner and let him drink of his sexual fountain when he wants or needs it. I guess I am always wanting it from him too. The more sex we have the more sex I want to have. It's like a craving. Most of all, he has treated me like a queen and I just want him to always know I will be there for him


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Good thing you cleared that up, because, yes, there are some people who would continue to have sex with their spouse even if they were treated poorly. I actually see that in right many peoples post on here.


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> I am sorry my OP wasn't clear. I figured we are all intelligent people on this thread and that of course, without a shadow of a doubt, sickness, pregnancy, abuse or other issues would warrant a spouse not able to have sex.
> 
> My point was to have a servants heart toward my DH on this issue. To allow absolute trust and openess. He knows he never has to play head games with me to make love. He knows I have touched him deeply and him me by wanting to be a willing partner and let him drink of his sexual fountain when he wants or needs it. I guess I am always wanting it from him too. The more sex we have the more sex I want to have. It's like a craving. Most of all, he has treated me like a queen and I just want him to always know I will be there for him


We understood your intentions, some people on here like to make an issue out of nothing........


----------



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Jamison said:


> yes, there are some people who would continue to have sex with their spouse even if they were treated poorly. I actually see that in right many peoples post on here.


:smthumbup: Exactly!


----------



## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

anna garret 01 said:


> I am sorry my OP wasn't clear. I figured we are all intelligent people on this thread and that of course, without a shadow of a doubt, sickness, pregnancy, abuse or other issues would warrant a spouse not able to have sex.
> 
> My point was to have a servants heart toward my DH on this issue. To allow absolute trust and openess. He knows he never has to play head games with me to make love. He knows I have touched him deeply and him me by wanting to be a willing partner and let him drink of his sexual fountain when he wants or needs it. I guess I am always wanting it from him too. The more sex we have the more sex I want to have. It's like a craving. Most of all, he has treated me like a queen and I just want him to always know I will be there for him


---Apt n Beautiful...

some people have Perceptional problems and Immaturity,owing to Lack of Common Sense and Wisdom of Discernment,that the TS had to give such explanations...

and This is why I said, Common Sense is Not Common...They are extreme ones,MYOPIC, who cannot understand,discern what is what...and why ..n how..it is so..


------

You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water streaming down from Lebanon's mountains.

"Awake, O north wind, And come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits!"


I have entered My Garden, My Treasure, My Bride! I gather myrrh with My Spices and eat honeycomb with my honey. I drink wine with my milk. Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!


I slept and my heart awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling:


"Open to Me, My Treasure, My Darling, My Dove, My Perfect One. My head is drenched with dew, My hair with the dampness of the night."





--From The Song of Songs...


----------



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

ok just help me understand why, why do wives keep their legs closed AFTER marriage? Ugh, why did they marry a man!! If they want to keep their legs closed they should have married a woman....


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

anna garret 01 said:


> ok just help me understand why, why do wives keep their legs closed AFTER marriage? Ugh, why did they marry a man!! If they want to keep their legs closed they should have married a woman....


My guess is, until you're been in a situation where you felt you needed to close them then you wouldn't understand where the ones whose legs are closed are coming from. 

If your husband treats you like a queen as you have said, then of course they would remain open.


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Very true.

Once the hunt is over there is no more hunger. Maybe we need written vows with signitures. LOL


----------



## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

trey69 said:


> My guess is, until you're been in a situation where you felt you needed to close them then you wouldn't understand where the ones whose legs are closed are coming from.
> 
> If your husband treats you like a queen as you have said, then of course they would remain open.


"would" or "should"? Not sure if you read posts here, but there are good men that are disputing that very statement. And for the dense among us...I have no words.


----------



## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Diolay said:


> I don't think it's a sign the marriage is over just because one denys sex. Marriage doesn't always have to be about sex after all. There are so many other aspects of life that also need examining as well. *I believe people can learn to live without sex and deal with their sexuality in other ways without encroaching on the other persons personal space.* All we need to do is work out how to cope with it.


Really? If you can live without romance and an understanding spouse, then sure, you can live without sex.


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

mikeydread1982 said:


> "would" or "should"? Not sure if you read posts here, but there are good men that are disputing that very statement. And for the dense among us...I have no words.


Its MY Opinion, and a guess, did you read what I said? Apparently NOT, I said it was my guess, nothing more nothing less. 

I don't think I'm to far off the mark though, just like I'm sure you don't think you are on your views/opinions, got it?!


----------



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

trey69 said:


> My guess is, until you're been in a situation where you felt you needed to close them then you wouldn't understand where the ones whose legs are closed are coming from.
> 
> If your husband treats you like a queen as you have said, then of course they would remain open.


:iagree: :iagree:

This is so spot on! And its true, bottom line, until someone has been in that situation for why people do what they do, then they wont understand! 

Kudos trey!


----------



## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

trey69 said:


> Its MY Opinion, and a guess, did you read what I said? Apparently NOT, I said it was my guess, nothing more nothing less.
> 
> I don't think I'm to far off the mark though, just like I'm sure you don't think you are on your views/opinions, got it?!


Ummm, I was actually responding to the latter part of your post about *If your husband treats you like a queen as you have said, then of course they would remain open.*

The would keep them open part was where I was poking fun, as there are men who do the right things and their women don't open up, so to speak.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There are plenty of wives who are treated like a Queen, loved beautifully and still don't want sex.... I was one of them for a time.....in a smaller sense -not overly so, he got it faithfully once a week anyhow (and I was very into it) -but I could have done so very much more. Hate myself for that.

I have no complaints about my husband other than he was too damn passive. He wanted more, and didn't show it enough, never argued with me, I was oblivious and off in the clouds somewhere. 

I have a GF who , quite frankly, her wonderful husband ought to leave her ....she has reduced him from a happy man to one of sadness, I can see it in his eyes when we visit. Known them both since high school, she raves about their wonderful marraige on FB for all her friends to see, how much she loves him, but I get to hear the real story....when he wants sex, she doesn't care, she isn't feeling it , to her it is nothing more than a chore, she has told him NO... he has cried in front of her, I asked her how she felt about that ......she just answered "I didn't feel like it". My temperature was rising, I told her if I was married to her, I'd leave her. (somehow she still talks to me)

He is a good christian family man, sticks by her side , always there for her, for thier kids, never raises his voice, even she says he is wonderful, she called me crying over his health one time but still..... SEX........ she ain't interested, doesn't need it, doesn't want it, in this sense, she has no giving in her, she said when she does do it (maybe twice a month), she just lays there..... I feel soooo bad for him. ...... 

Too much of a nice guy...that's his problem. He'll never leave her, she knows it. SHe needs to catch the Op's message here , shame on her for allowing her man to suffer like that. 

You think the more aggressive men are going to stick around with a fridgid wife, they will at least cause some stink about it ....as they should. The nice guys are the ones who get screwed, or in this case, are hardly getting screwed.


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

this has probably already been said, the lower drive spouse is in control. it doesnt matter if they are treated like a king or queen by their spouse, they still have a frequency they are comfortable with and the higher drive spouse usually just has to live with that. LD spouses dont necessarily dislike sex nor are they using it as a weapon, they simply just dont want it as much.

no drive spouses are simply uninterested in fixing an obvious problem if they dont at least try


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> ok just help me understand why, why do wives keep their legs closed AFTER marriage? Ugh, why did they marry a man!! If they want to keep their legs closed they should have married a woman....


The reasons why are as varied as the individuals themselves.

But, it ultimately boils down to choice - people choose to let things slide, choose to not commit themselves to action to righting things that may be going awry in the relationship, choose to let things fester into resentments - they choose to let other things and priorities get in the way of their spouses and marriages.

They choose to drift away - and it's often a choice on both sides there, as each spouse often chooses to not do all of the hard work and heavy lifting that may be required to better things. Much easier to just expect our spouse to accommodate and change, or to crab and complain, or to drift, than do some of the heavy lifting ourselves. imho


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> The reasons why are as varied as the individuals themselves.


:iagree:

Yep! Everyone's reasons for opening or closing is different.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

CallaLily said:


> Yep! Everyone's reasons for opening or closing is different.


But does their reasons go to their heart & at least entertain the idea of what they are doing to their spouse -who by the way, can't get it anywhere else -near every love language, you can get filled by others (friends, kids, family) ..but not sex & physical affection....we are left at the mercies of 1 lone soul to comfort us. (doesn't have to be intercourse though, many ways) 

Again...I am talking *IF* they are treated lovingly, like that Queen, like that Prince.... In my world of thinking, that says a whole lot about the spouse who denies. If they can easily turn a blind eye, I just can't "feel" for them. My sympathies are gone. 

They should infact, allow their spouse freedom -if they know they are hurting them deeply. It will never be right in my view of marraige ...or at least a happy fullfilled one.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> -if they know they are hurting them deeply.


Isn't this the point? 
They don't know; or
They don't believe it DOES hurt the other person ("I'm not bothered, why should you be?").

Or they know it hurts and either a) don't care; or b) do it precisely because it DOES hurt.

When your best chance is they're acting from ignorance, the cards in the hand aren't very good, are they?


----------



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Yep! Everyone's reasons for opening or closing is different.


:smthumbup: :iagree:

Simple and to the point!


----------



## bossesgirl26 (Jun 19, 2011)

Marriage, legs open, mouth open and ass open


----------



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

depends on the marriage if this would work..it would in mine...


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No more ass sex here.

 I'm traumatized! haha...(health issues).


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> No more ass sex here.
> 
> I'm traumatized! haha...(health issues).


aww, hubby said hes sad :moon:


----------



## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> aww, hubby said hes sad :moon:


cute!!! we have tried anal so many times and all kinds of ways I more than he is frustrated with no success..any tips..


----------



## bossesgirl26 (Jun 19, 2011)

Have him take it very slow. THe more relaxed you and your body are, the easier things will go. My dh will rub on me, kiss on me, talk to me softly to relax me. Lay on your belly, with pillows to grab and get comfy on. Or before you actually try anal, maybe try some anal beads to get used to it. You will get used to opening up, taking something in and the feeling of having something in there. Maybe keep beads in for a while. Practice holding them in. Make sure you have really good lubricant too. When you are first starting, just be really relaxed and not in a hurry. After a while your dh will be able to just put it in there and go at it! tmi.


----------

