# Married three years & still unhappy



## mystic spirit (May 18, 2014)

Well, Iv been married for over three years and Iv reached this stage where I think I'm stuck. My parents emotionally blackmailed me into marrying this guy... I was dead against it because he was (and still is) fat and balding though he;s just 30. It took them a year to convince me that looks arent everything and he was a great guy yada yada. To cut a long story short, we got married.

This was in March 2011 and since then, we have had so many fights, I wonder each day if we are going to make it. Iv gone past his looks but reality hit me when I realised that getting a fat guy to adopt a healthy lifestyle but nearly impossible. He craves food like drugs and detests any form of exercise like he's allergic. I wont say he hasnt made any changes for me... he was a lot. But its not enough. Some of his habits drive me insane... he can be a slob like most men, while I'm more of an OCD person. He can spend hours in front of his laptop watching inane crap or reading something while I scream myself hoarse begging him to ho outdoors.

He accuses me of trying to force him to become someone he's not. I'm fat, always will be fat... deal with it, he says. I say you dont have to be fat for life...just change your habits. He lies about going to the gym just to get me off his back. He says I nag him 24/7 and should accept him for what he is and I'm shallow just coz I think everyone judges him for being overweight. I try to change his diet to healthier food and he gets irritable coz he's a food junkie.

Why am I still with him if it sounds so hopeless? Coz he really, really tries to change for me... its just not as much as I need it, He loves me dearly, and takes a lot of my tantrums and bad mood. But we fight a lot. Abt his weight, lifestyle habits, sloppiness (he leaves dirty clothes n dishes everywhere in the house) and his obsession with his laptop. He hates it that I obsess on orderliness, he hates my bad mood when i have a rough day at work and he hates that I am super un-domesticated. I cant cook to save my life and detest entering the kitchen save for sandwiches, eggs and the most basic stuff. Mostly he hates that i nag him all the time as he puts it.

Where I come from, divorce or seperation is a huge deal. My brother just went through one and it nearly killed my parents. Si i'm really trying to make things work but some days seem hopeless. Help!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

He loves you dearly, you do not and never have loved him at all. You are OCD. You owe it to HIM to divorce now and set him free.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

mystic spirit said:


> Well, Iv been married for over three years and Iv reached this stage where I think I'm stuck. *My parents emotionally blackmailed me into marrying this guy... I was dead against it* because he was (and still is) fat and balding though he;s just 30. It took them a year to convince me that looks arent everything and he was a great guy yada yada. To cut a long story short, we got married.


You didn't want to marry this man in the first place and it sounds like you weren't attracted to him either. That's something you can't fake and he probably senses it too.

Please give your husband a divorce so both you and him can find someone better suited for you. 

And in the nicest way, tell your parents that who you marry is up to you and not them. It's your life and you shouldn't let your parents have the final say in your decisions.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

I can sympathyze with a healthy lifestyle being a dealbreaker in a marriage. But he has to want and as ithers have pointed out you dont seem to be able to love him for who he is. You might try counseling for yourself but i dont see anything saving the marriage. When he starts to have costly and debilitating health problems in his 40's and you are healthy you will resent him for it.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

mystic spirit said:


> Well, Iv been married for over three years and Iv reached this stage where I think I'm stuck. My parents emotionally blackmailed me into marrying this guy... I was dead against it because he was (and still is) fat and balding though he;s just 30. It took them a year to convince me that looks arent everything and he was a great guy yada yada. To cut a long story short, we got married.
> 
> This was in March 2011 and since then, we have had so many fights, I wonder each day if we are going to make it. Iv gone past his looks but reality hit me when I realised that getting a fat guy to adopt a healthy lifestyle but nearly impossible. He craves food like drugs and detests any form of exercise like he's allergic. I wont say he hasnt made any changes for me... he was a lot. But its not enough. Some of his habits drive me insane... he can be a slob like most men, while I'm more of an OCD person. He can spend hours in front of his laptop watching inane crap or reading something while I scream myself hoarse begging him to ho outdoors.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you are not in love with this man, and you don't desire him physically/sexually. Actually, it sounds like he disgusts you. 

There is no advice that I could give you to make this work. He is who he is and that ain't changing. 

The problem is that you married this guy to please people other then yourself, and now you are miserable. So you have to decide. Stay to make other people happy, or leave and make yourself happy.


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