# married for 13 years but found true love in another woman.



## confused611 (Feb 27, 2012)

I have been married for 13 years and with my wife for 14. We were both in the military when we got together. We dated for about a year until she finished her tour and I was still in. it was very hard to live together with the pay I was getting and at one point she was so upset and depressed with everything she wanted to go back home for a while so she left. After about two months I really wanted her back but she was not ready to come back, after some time of begging her to return to me she did. When she came back things were never really great, we never really argued and got along great for the most part. At one point we decided to get married so the military would help us pay our bills and we could stay together. After another 2 years of living together I got out of the military and we had to move away. I did not want to live where she was from and neither did she. I wanted to go back to my home town and she really wasn’t for it but did anyway. For the longest time she was unhappy. I tried everything to make her happy but couldn’t. she finally made some friends and started to cheer up but as far as we went it stayed the same. At first we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and had sex all the time and after about a year of marriage sex went to like once a month and about a year later for the next however many years it was like once every 4 or 5 months. I don’t think a relationship should be based on sex nor do I think it should happen every day but 2 or 3 times a year is not good. The sex we had was great for both of us, we talked about why she never wants to and she says she is unsure, she said she Is never in the mood. For a while she would never even let me touch her to try and set the mood. Other than sex we get along great, you would think we were the perfect couple from the outside. On the inside we had some differences. I would love to have kids but she says she does not want any and will not have any. I love the outdoors and the beach she hates the heat and the cold and would rather never get her hair wet. She loves to read a book or play some computer games. Our relationship in my eyes looks like we are just friends that live together . to tell you a little about me. I have always been a week man when it comes to women. After about 2 years of marriage I started to cheat, every woman I met knew I was married and would never leave my wife and that it was just sex. (not saying that makes what I did any better) I have been that way for the past 11 years of our marriage to the point where it didn’t bother me to cheat. I had a great relationship at home with a friend and great sex away from home. Our marriage became more of a comfort and habit than love. About a year ago I met up with a woman that I had sex with about 10 years ago and we started talking again and sleeping together, after a few months of that we spent some weekends together and seen each other almost every day and we fell in love. I have never felt this deep for any women in my life. I have dropped ever girl I knew and other than being married to someone else I am faithful to her and love being that way. I want to be with her every second of every day. We have so much in common. I am at the point that I feel so bad for what I have been doing to my wife and I do want to leave her to let her move on. I am so scared to hurt her, it hurts me to think of her being hurt. I honestly wish she would find a man and cheat on me and tell me she wants out, I would not be mad at her or upset. When I kiss my wife I feel like Im cheating on the other women and I don’t like it. I try and avoid situations where I have to touch her or say I love you to. After I told the other women I love her I also told her I was going to try and leave my wife, not for her but because I was unhappy and she (the other woman) helped me to see what I was missing in my life. I talked to my wife about our marriage and how I think we are just stuck and act like great friends. I told her I don’t think we are in love anymore. She was upset and said she knows she has not been the best wife and wants to change. She wanted to try and stop pushing me away when I touch her and try to do more in the house and spend more time with me and less reading. I really didn’t want to wait but I felt I owe her the change to try and I too should try to be more into her. I told the other woman about this and she was okay with it, she didn’t want me to leave my wife for her. She wanted to be with me but not want to split up a marriage. After about a month of my wife trying to change we had sex a few times and it started to feel like she was making herself and I could not enjoy it. I also really felt bad that I was sleeping with her and not the other woman that I am in love with. Well it comes down to the other woman don’t want to keep being the other woman and I don’t blame her and don’t want her to be. I want her to be the only woman. But at the same time I can’t bring myself to hurting my wife or leave her because of what it would do to her. We have been together since she was 19 and I was 21. All we have ever known was each other but I have someone else right now and she don’t. I really don’t know what to do . I am about to lose the women I know I am meant to be with if I can’t leave my wife. I know this whole thing is my fault and instead of cheating I should have been up front and let the wife know my issues but instead I swept the problem under the rug and acted like everything was ok. I am so lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

It's really not that complicated. 

Leave your wife, truth is you already have. 

You just haven't had the stones to tell her.

Just for the record...

All successful relationships have 3 things in common...

Love, Respect and Commitment.

I think if you step back and really look at this, none of your relationships have any of those things. Your relationship with your wife, your relationship with your mistress or your realtionship with yourself.

I'm really not trying to be harsh, or disrespectful... I'm just putting things in context for you. 

It's likely all of these relationships are doomed. 

Consider healing your relationship with yourself first. Do the right thing. Show "you" that you do have some shred of self respect, courage and honor. 

This is obviously tearing you up, Do the right thing. Good luck.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

What the heck happened to my reply to this? And the other reply also?? :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

Someone must have not liked the fact I called the cheater a name. Ok then. I have seen much worse on here that never got deleted.

Anyway, OP, you need to smarten up and STOP the lying and cheating. Confess to your wife and set her free. Cheating is a horrible, horrible thing to do to someone.

(is that better??)

Oh, and use paragraphs.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Hope1964 said:


> What the heck happened to my reply to this? And the other reply also?? :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchheadis that better??)


While this is a difficult subject for many, TAM requests you be respectful to the Cheater. Name calling is not allowed and will result in banning. That was why your original response was deleted. Please be respectful to all posters. Thanks.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It's really really hard to be respectful of someone like this who is either a troll just getting a rise out of us, or someone who is cheating on his wife and doesn't seem to be the LEAST bit sorry for it.

It's hard to know what's allowed and what isn't sometimes. I've seen other posts that seemed far worse than mine did. But you're the boss, so I will try to tone it down


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Hope1964 said:


> It's really really hard to be respectful of someone like this who is either a troll just getting a rise out of us, or someone who is cheating on his wife and doesn't seem to be the LEAST bit sorry for it.
> 
> It's hard to know what's allowed and what isn't sometimes. I've seen other posts that seemed far worse than mine did. But you're the boss, so I will try to tone it down


go down a few threads and respond to the female poster that cheated on her husband, maybe that will make you feel better

"im ready to own what ive done"


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

confused611 said:


> After about 2 years of marriage I started to cheat, every woman I met knew I was married and would never leave my wife and that it was just sex. (not saying that makes what I did any better) I have been that way for the past 11 years of our marriage to the point where it didn’t bother me to cheat.
> 
> We have been together since she was 19 and I was 21. All we have ever known was each other but I have someone else right now and she don’t.



All your WIFE has known is you, you however have been getting to know yourself in many other women according to your post.

Divorce your wife and work on yourself. All relationships fall from the honeymoon phase and we must know how to deal with problems in a mature adult manner.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I agree with Amplexor. Although you may not LIKE what the OP is posting about, and maybe you empathize with the pain his wife is about to go through--nonetheless this seems like a REAL post with a person asking an honest question. 

That being the case let me give my personal opinion here. OP (original poster) here's the thing as I see it. When you married your wife, whether you are a religious person or not, you stood up (maybe in front of a judge as representative of legal society) and said that you promised to forsake all others for her, in all the circumstances that life brings. 

Now I'm not here to judge you, but it seems to me that for most of your marriage she has broken her vows by not being available for sex and you have broken your vows by not forsaking all others. I personally suggest that you pick one of two things: 

1) Have a sit down with your wife, look her in the eye, tell her how she's broken her vows and you've broken yours...and make a request to see if she would be interested in having a completely DIFFERENT marriage or not. She may well say she's not interested! If she is, you will need to stop turning to others to fulfill your needs and learn how to turn ONLY to your wife! Likewise, she'll have to learn that if she doesn't figure out how to be available sexually, she is making her marriage vulnerable--and take responsibility for learning how to get HERSELF in the mood!!

-OR-

2) Have a sit down with your current affair partner, look her in the eye, and tell her that you're going to do things in the right order with your wife first and that you're not available right now to give yourself to anyone BUT your wife. Then have a sit down with your wife, look her in the eye, tell her you are divorcing her and do not even want to try to reconcile. File and get it over with, and do not try to "be nice" or "be friends"...leave your wife, head out the door, and never, ever turn back. It is the most decent thing--a surgically clean break. Trying to stay in touch and seeing each other will just prolong the agony for your wife, so close that door and leave. Then...when the divorce is final and you have gotten yourself out of her life...THEN do as you choose to do with some other woman. 

Right now, you are getting friendship, companionship, free maid service, whatever from your wife and free sex from someone else, and you are not "available" for either one. I personally strongly recommend that you honor the promises you made to your wife, and rather than putting time, energy, thought and effort into the other woman, put that EQUAL amount into making your wife the love of your life--because otherwise you're saying that you're not a person who keeps their promises and honors their commitments. But that's just me! You can do as you choose. Just choose one and do it tonight.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

First off, paragraphs are your friend (and mine). 

Second, tell your wife NOW NOW NOW! If you really care about her and want her to have a happy future tell her NOW!

I am going to refrain from telling you what a pos you are and that no matter what your wife did or didn't do she doesn't deserve what you have done.

Now man up and be honest for a frickin change. Jerk.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

First, thank you for your service. Now for the harsh realities. . .

I agree with Affaircare, but would add something else. For YOURSELF, you need to stop the affair, whether you intend to work on your marriage or not. If you intend to divorce, do it with the realization that unless you spend a few years working on yourself, you are unlikely to have a decent, long-term marriage or relationship of any kind. You have already turned to others b/c you were unhappy in your marriage--but you stayed married. It's the irresponsible way out, frankly--rather than deal with harsh realities of fixing your marriage or leaving it, you just enjoy the affairs and what you can get out of the marriage. You were protecting yourself from feeling guilty about "hurting your wife" by not bringing up hard truths (you needed a better marriage), but you *told* yourself you were protecting your wife. Had you wanted to protect your wife, you would have given her a chance to decide to improve the marriage, or leave it--the painful truth would have been a LOT kinder, as it turns out, than the deceipt you've practiced. Now you are wracked with guilt b/c after "protecting" her, you have to hurt her, anyway--but really, you just don't want to have to feel bad about hurting her.

Well, time to grow up. Sometimes we must hurt people--and to do so out of honesty is 10x better than doing so out of deceipt. But it is too late for that, now, as far as your wife goes. It is NOT too late, however, for you to learn this lesson and learn to be a better person. But the only way you can do that is by NOT jumping from marriage into a relationship with the OW, by either deciding to work on your marriage or go it alone. Giving up the woman you are so *sure* is "the one" is the price you pay for the pain you are causing your wife. If you learn from the experience, you will find someone else-and you will start out that relationship as a better, honest man. No more relationships for a couple of years, if you choose to divorce--and get counseling in the meanwhile. Maybe then you'll be ready to act responsibly. Good luck.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> It's really not that complicated.
> 
> Leave your wife, truth is you already have.
> 
> ...


This is it.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

This woman you are so inlove with has the moral compass of a mud puddle. She slept with you while you were married 10 years ago and now has entered into a full blown affair with you...but she doesn't want you to leave your wife for her??? BULLSH**! 

She knows exactly what she is doing. You really think you are going to have a lasting, loving and faithful relationship with a woman that has NO PROBLEMS sleeping with a married man?? 

Your other woman is a tramp. You are throwing away a wonderfully decent woman for a tramp. 

Have fun with that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I can tell you why your marriage has gone down hill and why your wife has not wanted to have sex with you. It's because you were not with her this entire time.. you were cheating on her. When a person cheats they put a wall between themself and their spouse. That is what living huge lies do to us. You destoryed your marriage. You alone hold the responsibility for that.

So now, for once in your life show your wife some love and respect. Tell her about all of your infidelities and then leave her. One of the reasons you have to tell her is because you have put her life at rsk. Surely you know about STD's. But you did not love your wife enough to protect her, did you? 

So leave her. Her pain will go away and when it does she will see clarity as to why her marriage was the pits.. it's because of who her husband was.

As for your affair partner... by all means go hook up with her. You deserved each other and what will come of you both.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Top priority would be to inform immediately of your recent and past behavior. Come clean with your wife whom you have known since she was 19, she deserve atleast that much. 

As most have said, take a look at yourself, self reflection needs to be assessed prior to jumping into "committed" relationship as you seem to plan with this OW. 

Bottom line, you have to do what makes you happy, but my advise is do it honestly from this point forward so it eliminates others from being hurt by your selfish actions.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

"oy vey."


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Hope1964 said:


> It's really really hard to be respectful of someone like this who is either a troll just getting a rise out of us, or someone who is cheating on his wife and doesn't seem to be the LEAST bit sorry for it.
> 
> It's hard to know what's allowed and what isn't sometimes.


Yes it can be hard but the forum rules are specific about disrespectful posts and name calling. For those that don't know my story, I was the BS in my failing marriage, so it can be difficult for me to hold my tongue as well. My biggest concern with these threads is that often a cheater will come to the forum honestly trying to do the right thing only to be hammered through the floor joists within minutes. They leave and never come back losing an opportunity to get some real advice on how to recover. 

If members feel posts are disrespectful or a poster is a troll, by all means report them so we can take a look. We don't spend our entire day scanning threads so we do need participant's assistance to monitor the forum.

Thanks all.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Falene said:


> .
> 
> Now man up and be honest for a frickin change. Jerk.


Some people just don't heed the warnings earning themselves a ban.


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## confused611 (Feb 27, 2012)

First I want to apologize for the bad grammar and sentence structure. Second I see there are a lot of people on here who have been hurt by someone and I am sorry I fall in the category of someone that is doing the hurting. Most of you were right on about the relationship not working because of me. I really did love her and still have love for her but when we got together I never thought about what would really make me happy in the future I was just going with the flow. After being married I now see we want different things out of life. OW aside I think I do need to end this, I was trying to end it without her knowing what I have done, not so she won’t hate me but so she can love and trust again. I don’t want other men to be judged on the wrongs I made. Lastly I agree with every name I was called or what was attempted to be called. I have learned from my mistakes and don’t ever want to be that man again. I thank everyone for your advice


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

confused611 said:


> First I want to apologize for the bad grammar and sentence structure. Second I see there are a lot of people on here who have been hurt by someone and I am sorry I fall in the category of someone that is doing the hurting. Most of you were right on about the relationship not working because of me. I really did love her and still have love for her but when we got together I never thought about what would really make me happy in the future I was just going with the flow. After being married I now see we want different things out of life. OW aside I think I do need to end this, I was trying to end it without her knowing what I have done, not so she won’t hate me but so she can love and trust again. I don’t want other men to be judged on the wrongs I made. Lastly I agree with every name I was called or what was attempted to be called. I have learned from my mistakes and don’t ever want to be that man again. I thank everyone for your advice


Come on man. You don't want to tell your wife what you have done because it will ruin men for her? What a bunch of drivel. Fact is you don't want to tell your wife because you haven't learned anything, you are still making the same mistakes and yes, you ARE that man. If you weren't, you would fess up to your wife and not let her twist in the wind thinking what did she do wrong in the marriage that you just "walked away". You don't want to sack up because then you will be the bad guy. 
Please stop telling yourself that by bailing without telling her the truth you are somehow doing the noble thing. So what kind of man do you want to be? 

Amp, I am not pounding him in to the joists. When I hear stuff like this though, I call it out. All this "I'm sparing her pain" garbage is really "I don't want to be held accountable for my actions, therefore I will slink away from them".


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Amp, I am not pounding him in to the joists. When I hear stuff like this though, I call it out. All this "I'm sparing her pain" garbage is really "I don't want to be held accountable for my actions, therefore I will slink away from them".


I have no problem with tough-straight talk.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

confused611 said:


> First I want to apologize for the bad grammar and sentence structure. Second I see there are a lot of people on here who have been hurt by someone and I am sorry I fall in the category of someone that is doing the hurting. Most of you were right on about the relationship not working because of me. I really did love her and still have love for her but when we got together I never thought about what would really make me happy in the future I was just going with the flow. After being married I now see we want different things out of life. OW aside I think I do need to end this, I was trying to end it without her knowing what I have done, not so she won’t hate me but so she can love and trust again. I don’t want other men to be judged on the wrongs I made. Lastly I agree with every name I was called or what was attempted to be called. I have learned from my mistakes and don’t ever want to be that man again. I thank everyone for your advice



Lets be honest. You would rather condemn her to a life where she thinks she was the reason her marriage ended, then confessing to your wrongdoings. You aren't protecting her, you are protecting yourself and your OW. 

You are denying her the chance to get checked out for STDs. You were in love, and when in love no one wears a glove. Let the woman know who you REALLY are and let her get her health checked to ensure she won't be walking around with HPV or any other problems.

Just food for thought, how much do you think you and the OW are going to trust each other? You are cheating on your wife, and have been for years, and she has no qualms sleeping with married men. Do you really think that's what trust is made of??


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## confused611 (Feb 27, 2012)

Just to clarify things if I stopped talking to the OW today I would still plan on leaving my wife. I do love the other woman and will be dating her most likely but I am not leaving my wife for her. I am leaving her because I have been no good to her. I am leaving her because I want children and have dreams that she has no intention on being part of. We have talked about all this and her reply is always “well then go find a women who will do that”. Which is a tough answer but its true. We didn’t know who we were back then or what we were getting into. I would try to make it work but it would be worthless because I have done way to much wrong and don’t deserve to be forgiven. So everyone thinks by me telling her I have cheated will be better than just leaving her. I would not let her think it was her fault, I would put it all on me and I really do want her to be able to trust a man again and find someone who can treat her better than I did.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

DawnD said:


> Lets be honest. You would rather condemn her to a life where she thinks she was the reason her marriage ended, then confessing to your wrongdoings. You aren't protecting her, you are protecting yourself and your OW.
> 
> You are denying her the chance to get checked out for STDs. You were in love, and when in love no one wears a glove. Let the woman know who you REALLY are and let her get her health checked to ensure she won't be walking around with HPV or any other problems.
> 
> Just food for thought, how much do you think you and the OW are going to trust each other? You are cheating on your wife, and have been for years, and she has no qualms sleeping with married men. Do you really think that's what trust is made of??


Yup. Putting her health at risk doesn't exactly scream "love" to me. Neither does scurrying away leaving her wondering what she did. 

As for the OW, OP you have a relationship based on lies, cheating, gas lighting and manipulation. Do you think you two are going to waltz in to the sunset frolicking with rainbows?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

confused611 said:


> Just to clarify things if I stopped talking to the OW today I would still plan on leaving my wife. I do love the other woman and will be dating her most likely but I am not leaving my wife for her. I am leaving her because I have been no good to her. I am leaving her because I want children and have dreams that she has no intention on being part of. We have talked about all this and her reply is always “well then go find a women who will do that”. Which is a tough answer but its true. We didn’t know who we were back then or what we were getting into. I would try to make it work but it would be worthless because I have done way to much wrong and don’t deserve to be forgiven. So everyone thinks by me telling her I have cheated will be better than just leaving her. I would not let her think it was her fault, I would put it all on me and I really do want her to be able to trust a man again and find someone who can treat her better than I did.


You're incredible, you know that? I'm out.

I'll leave you with this though.....you can't turn a ho in to a housewife. Food for thought.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Repeatedly, you seem to portray your wife's plight as though you were some sort of benign force within her life, and she can simply move on and find a fulfilling life when you are gone.

I think you underestimate yourself. You say that you deserve repudiation. By your own admission, you are weak, so I don't think anything we could say would really help that part of the problem. Think about what a healthy woman would want in a relationship, though. She didn't pledge her heart and life to you lightly, yet you threw something special to her away anytime the smell of another woman captured your fancy.

Your impact is not benign. You will represent every lost hope, dream and chance she had for her younger years as a woman. Even if you just leave her, she will have anger, sure, but she will inevitably wonder what she did wrong to make her life turn out to be such a waste. You telling her that she's free to blame you is almost like a joke. You'd have to see that it would be fair for her to expect you to be chasing some new tail, and then another, and another. That's what she'll see. She'll probably be afraid to approach a new relationship because she can't put any logic behind what went wrong, and will invariably put some of the blame on herself. Not to mention the fact that she will fear that every other man will lead her to this same emptiness she now feels. All of this talk about how she is free to just blame you is the typical tripe that hollywood uses so they can just dumb down a very complicated subject.

If you care for her, give her reasons. Give her logic to explain all the missing passion. Give her an explanation that proves that you are a weak man, by your definition, so she can at least have hope that she now understands how to avoid making the same mistake again. Right now, she just has a 'fill in the blank' explanation. You took away her choice to have a marriage that didn't include other people, so at least try to give her something to rationalize the part of her life that has been taken away from her.


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## Chuckp47 (Nov 11, 2011)

I truly love how all the affair damaged people here are burning this guy at the stake. Just for the op's education, they do that because they identify with your maladjusted, cold fish wife more than you. And they do that because if they took a hard look at what drove you to cheat in the first place they would have to admit some fault themselves and it's much easier to say you are a pos. You have no kids, infrequent affection and little love. Pack a bag, run, don't walk towards the exit. You have a chance to be happy. Take it. Don't let marriage dogma and guilt for you wife stand in your way. If she was holding up her end of the marriage you wouldnt have strayed in the first place probably. Tell her you cheated or don't. In the grand scheme of things she's going to hate you regardless because in her mind everything is wonderful.

Ask yourself one question. Which would be easier to live with, the guilt of leaving your wife or the not knowing what might have been?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Chuckp47 said:


> I truly love how all the affair damaged people here are burning this guy at the stake. Just for the op's education, they do that because they identify with your maladjusted, cold fish wife more than you. And they do that because if they took a hard look at what drove you to cheat in the first place they would have to admit some fault themselves and it's much easier to say you are a pos. You have no kids, infrequent affection and little love. Pack a bag, run, don't walk towards the exit. You have a chance to be happy. Take it. Don't let marriage dogma and guilt for you wife stand in your way. If she was holding up her end of the marriage you wouldnt have strayed in the first place probably. Tell her you cheated or don't. In the grand scheme of things she's going to hate you regardless because in her mind everything is wonderful.
> 
> Ask yourself one question. Which would be easier to live with, the guilt of leaving your wife or the not knowing what might have been?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Right. The second someone becomes unhappy, they should run out and start cheating on their spouse. Hate to break it to you , but I highly doubt that this man was meeting any of his wife's needs either.

Continuing to lie to her is putting her health at risk. Why would you want to do that to someone? If he really thinks this woman is the woman of his dreams, he will get him self straight and she will still be there in two years when he has finally gotten himself sorted.


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## confused611 (Feb 27, 2012)

I am glad I posted on here. I did get a lot of feedback and some of it I expected. I agree with a lot of you. To answer a few of you about your feedback. I was not risking my wife’s life like you are thinking I did. I was as safe as I could be when I was cheating and the wife and I only had sex a few times a year (before you jump down my throat I don’t think that makes what I did ok). I also was tested for STDs quite a bit. My wife and I also always used protection. (I do know that’s not 100%). There was a few times during our marriage that I did mention that I was unhappy about our sex life and she would always respond “I cant help it, go marry someone else if it bothers you that much”. She is a great woman and our sex life was good when we had one. I personally don’t think she ever wanted to be married. Ever since we were married she has always seemed depressed. We did go to counseling once and it did not help either. I think deep down I also was not ready to be married.
My wife is the type of person that gets comfortable with something and will keep it because she is afraid of change, any kind of change. I think that is why she has not left me yet. After reading some of your posts I know my marriage is done with. Even if I could get back on track I could never stay knowing what I have done to her. It’s just so hard to tell her all this. We get along so well and other than having no intimacy were fine. To come out and tell her will shock her because she doesn’t see anything wrong with the relationship other than sex. I know lots of you want me to tell her the truth but I don’t know if I can. I think I might suggest to her that we separate for a while and see what happens. I think if she goes back where she is from for a few months without me she will see that she is happier there and does not miss the marriage. For those of you who made serious post , even the ones that criticized me, Thank you. For the other ones who just wanted to yell and scream I am sorry you were hurt by someone like me. I do plan on changing; I can’t be that man I was its no way to live I just wish I could have figured it out before I got married.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

confused611 said:


> I know lots of you want me to tell her the truth but I don’t know if I can.


You can. The question is, will you? 



confused611 said:


> I think I might suggest to her that we separate for a while and see what happens. I think if she goes back where she is from for a few months without me she will see that she is happier there and does not miss the marriage.


This is even more f-cked up, IMO. Because you would be telling her you want a separation while you carry on having sex with your affair partner while your wife tries to figure out where she went so horribly wrong in your marriage and taking all the blame for herself.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Be a man. 

"Wife, I want a divorce. I haven't felt happy in our marriage for a long time and I have met someone. I am sorry for hurting you but you deserve the truth. I will be filing for divorce."

See, by not telling her you have been shacking up with someone else you are doing her a GREAT disservice. She will be sitting home every day with your child wondering over an dover in her head Why you have decided to abandon your marriage. And you will know the answer and she won't. That is so cold-blooded. 

I know you think you would be helping her by not "ruining her trust for new men" but you've actually got it backwards. If anything, she will see you for what really happened/who you are and will think, "It's good we divorced because I deserve a whole lot better than someone who would leave our marriage/family to be with another woman."That way she isnt sold a fabrication but told the truth. It will help her process things a lot faster than if you just up and leavea nd don't tell her why.

Stringing her along in limbo/a separation while you have already decided what you want is the single WORST POSSIBLE THING you could ever do to someone. Especially if that someone loves you--your SPOUSE.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You can. The question is, will you?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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