# Lost and confused



## truebeauty (Jun 25, 2010)

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, we have a son that will be two shortly. For the last year and a half it has been chaotic to say the least. There have been situations that I caused him hurt in the past but he says he has forgiven me. It was nothing too damaging, I was never unfaithful. But for the last (almost) two years it has been him who causes me pain. 

My boyfriend will be 28 shortly but lately he has the party mentality and nothing more. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with the boys on occasions and the last thing I want to do is suffocate him but it becomes an issue with me when his focus is only going out with the guys. And let's be honest when u go out with guys do you not check out the girls? Tomorrow for example he tried one time to get a babysitter and when our usual sitter did not respond to him the first thing out his mouth was "oh i might go out with my boy." It is not that I am ungrateful that he attempted one time but that was not good enough to me. He texted the sitter once, he could have called, went to her house (it's my mother who is a block away), or he could have asked me to day something. That would not have made it any less surprising because at least he thought to ask. 

Another issue with us is his addiction to facebook. He sits for hour’s everyday and talks to females and does not talk to me. In addition to the principle of that there have been several inappropriate comments, messages, and chats with other females that I have found out about. I cannot just sit and pretend that these things do not bother me. Although he has not said anything flirty lately that does not diminish the time that is spent doing this every day, it brings back all the memories and as i said to add insult to injury he goes hours not talking to me while he talks to these other females. 

With me he never understands this or that, has barely anything nice to say unless i say something first and it's constantly an argument. In his eyes everything he does is wrong but that is not the truth. I believe he knows in his heart that some of these things are wrong because i've tried to explain to him that if I did the same things he would have a problem with it but then he gives me these b.s. answers like "I don't have a response" or something lame like that. I love this man with all my heart and he is the person I want to spend my life with but I do not know what to do so we can move on. I really don't know what to do because one person can't be willing to make it work we both have to and at this point he does not want to make it work. 

Any advice would help please.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Its blatantly obvious that he's desperate for some attention. What happened in the past that hurt him? It might not have seemed like a big deal to you, but judging by his behavior it seems like it was a big deal to him. Of course it could be that he's just having a midlife crisis and doesnt want to grow up yet. Some times the best thing you can do is walk away so they know what they are missing.


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## truebeauty (Jun 25, 2010)

Thanks so much for responding. The only thing that I have done in the past was a little flirting. I feel that I allowed it to go on to a point that upset him and this is his version of the same. I feel that these things have gone on far too long and it is at a point where it needs to stop or we need to end. That thought drives me crazy but if that is what needs to happen I have to be strong enough to let it and at this point I am not. I am completely in love with him and I want to spend my life with him but I can't be there for someone that chooses not to do the same for me. The sad part is beyond these things we have a good relationship but if he is willing to throw us away over this foolishness then I have to be smart enough to let him go. Once again I really appreciate you posting it meant a lot to hear your feedback. I agree that he needs to grow up but obviously that is something that he does not allow himself to do. It is not as if he can't, he won't. I honestly resent the fact that he puts these stupid insignificant things ahead of me when I am there for him in ways that no one on the planet has been, and yet, he lets this tear us apart . I hope that he gets it together before it is too late for us, but if not than I will be alone for some time (which I am fine with) because it will take a long time for my heart to open to someone else, but that does not mean it will ever open to him again if he lets childish things end a 5+ year relationship.


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