# Is it ever okay to hide/be secretive with spouse?



## mentallydrained

Okay, this might not be proper place to post but I am posting here due to my H recent 'discover' of religon and how he is using it as his last resort tool to for strength and so on. I will start up front by apologizing for my ramblings as I'm a little hot under the collar right now and second guessing it's probably for no reason and for something I shouldn't care about.

First, as some may have kept up on, my H has invaded and destroyed/taken every outlet of my private solace. Well, maybe not every outlet as one ultimate outlet could be me just getting out but obviously there is still something there and within me that keeps coasting along thinking I will wake up one day and be refreshed, confident, and back to who he wants me to be. Not at this moment however.

So, he snooped on my computer and found all my post here. Says found by accident but I'm a little smarter than that knowing he had to google or do something to find my post as I already told him I was reading a lot of self helps stuff AND it just so happend he found my post with in 2 week sof me also buying and reading Codependnet No More. Anyhow, prior to that it was an issue with Facebook and me with friends (not a male issue truely an insecurity of me a girls) reconnecting and he didn't like how I at first didn't list all my personal stuff of being married etc, yet those I connected with knew and then he got made because I would post things of my daughter and I and not him, long story short I cancelled that even though he was on there and my friend.

So then it's this whole 360 of church and religon and his friend who is religous that he talks to whom is a very nice guy and I do like but it bothers me my H speaks to him either prior to me getting home, or out in his man cave since I'm not around etc. He also speaks and text his family members either before I get home. 

I'm very bothered by the secretiveness. Especially with his sister. I ask him point blank if he has talked to her he said yes, and left it at that. He's talked and text her serveral times through out the day and this is a sister he is not close with. Well...another long story short, he is having her sell his entire license plate collection for him on ebay. Why couldn't he say that when I asked if he spoke to her? Why not just say yes, I'm having her list some things for me on ebay. Instead he just says yes and goes silent. 

My secret, was coming here and venting. So, does that mean two wrongs make a right? Why does this bother me so much? It really is petty I guess. Maybe it's because we never had secrets before. So, maybe he's playing me, still manipulating me, or just being vindictive as he often has said he is and can be. Even told my mom he is afraid of being vindicitive.

Is he unloading these due to money? Due to thinking I would want them or money from them if we were to end? His automobilia was very important to him. He worked hard over years to have such nice collection. Oh wait....maybe it's the church thing that you are not to charish worldly possesions over God? Maybe that's it. He's gonna give the money to God...the church. Yes, I'm very resentful and bitter right now.

Why??? Why do I care what he does with his personal collections. He can get up set with me for coming here but I shouldn't care about what he does or talks to behind my back. Tit of tat!!

Again, I'm sorry I'm just so baffeled right now I can't see or think straight! I guess I could ask him what God is telling him or what God would say by these actions??? AAAGGGGHHHHH.


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## cb45

take two librium and call me in the morning.


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## 4sure

I don't see what you are doing or what he is doing as secretive. One doesn't have to report every move they make to their spouse.

I would be concerned about him selling things to give the money to the church. This time it's the personal collection, which is his to give away. What will be next? 

I do understand why you would think he is being sneaky. You do not trust the people in that church, and he is influenced by the pastor. You feel you have to keep your guard up, and one step ahead.


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## MsLonely

Many of a time, we're not so bothered by "our own secrets" but when they're the spouse's secrets, hell no... we find no tolerance for them, which is an interesting fact.


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