# Do you confide to faceless online bloggers or to spouse



## Amerika (Jan 5, 2020)

Looking forward to learn and share!


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

I'm careful if not picky with who I confide in whether it's online or RL. But I haven't confided nor opened up to anyone in either case in years. And I have my reasons.


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## Amerika (Jan 5, 2020)

Hello, could you share your main reasons? And if your experienced them, let me know!


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Faceless online bloggers. Less emotion, less complications. No sugar coating .More brutal truth.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Both. I am known for blunt honesty.


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## Lady2019 (Nov 5, 2019)

If I’m talking about it here its as a soundboard for ideas to help my life. Which includes my marriage. I confide is my spouse - he cannot help me, give me space, work with me or try to understand if he does not know whats going on and vice versa.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No Bloggers, here. Just ordinary fellow people with unexpected and unwanted expertise in dealing with marital woes, including being cheated on, etc.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Amerika said:


> Hello, could you share your main reasons? And if your experienced them, let me know!


Oh, it's very simple, really. It simply went to hell online over something I didn't do, and IRL, she was nothing but a two-faced con looking for support.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I came to TAM for advice, because talking to my then-husband about our issues yielded zero results, despite talking with him numerous times. TAMers gave me the advice and the support that I needed to wade through that difficult time, and the courage I needed to leave an abusive marriage.

Sometimes when your spouse is the problem, you need to confide in anonymous people, because they have no personal/emotional investment, and sometimes they can see things you cannot.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is much less risk talking to faceless online people. If you say something that makes them unhappy, you never have to see them again. If you say something to deeply upset your spouse, the consequences can last for a very long time.


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## Amerika (Jan 5, 2020)

But TAMers will only base their arguments per your side story? What if you are adding salt to the injury? Will it help or make you feel more worthless? Life is not just based on one side story... beside, this is not a public diagnostic validated system or professional therapists to call the accused all manner of names i.e., Narc... phsycopath...etc etc. 

I believe that it should be based on a stronger support system and query why bad experiences happen!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Amerika said:


> But TAMers will only base their arguments per your side story? What if you are adding salt to the injury? Will it help or make you feel more worthless? Life is not just based on one side story... beside, this is not a public diagnostic validated system or professional therapists to call the accused all manner of names i.e., Narc... phsycopath...etc etc.
> 
> I believe that it should be based on a stronger support system and query why bad experiences happen!


It's true that here on TAM we usually get only one side of the story. Sometimes the poster is giving very good insight into what's going on and sometimes a poster is just twisting things to make themselves seem like the victim or the good guy/gal. They will get out this experience what they put into it.

Don't assume that those posting are putty in the hands of the other posters here. The vast majority of people who post here read the replies, process them and then make their own judgements of what to take seriously and what to just ignore.

Since we often get only one side of the story, I often suggest that a poster get into counseling and/or read self-help books that can help them figure out how to handle their own issues. They can also try to get their spouse involved in both the counseling and reading. By going to a marriage counselor in their real life, they will get someone who gets to know both sides of the story.

Now, keep in mind that if a person goes to a counselor as an individual, the counselor gets only their side of the story. That story can be just as untrue as what some post on a forum like TAM.


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## Amerika (Jan 5, 2020)

I totally agree with you!

Just found out that my husband post so much of me here (some truths, half truths and over exaggerated and some zero truths)...I am very surprised but it's a learning lesson, a mind can do what they read, and what it manifests. But, I am no perfect person but not all manner of names I have been called based on her depiction on me....so which brings to my attention, do we just comment to pass message that is good for the poster or critically offer advice?

Your post summarizes my true belief in relationship conflict resolution!


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## Amerika (Jan 5, 2020)

Why would you trust a faceless onliner than a spouse or partner next to you, if you solicit for info that you ain't gonna use to make it better for the relationship?

The idea is to work on your relationship and build a stronger one...not to invest and break or lose...life is intended to be upward not downward!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Amerika said:


> I totally agree with you!
> 
> Just found out that *my husband* post so much of me here (some truths, half truths and over exaggerated and some zero truths)...I am very surprised but it's a learning lesson, a mind can do what they read, and what it manifests. But, I am no perfect person but not all manner of names I have been called based on *her depiction on me*...


Does your husband know that you are on here and reading his posts? I'm just curious.

What he's posting is probably his view of things. Or it could just be him making himself feel better about himself and/or solicit sympathy/support.



Amerika said:


> ....so which brings to my attention, do we just comment to pass message that is good for the poster or critically offer advice?


You can do either.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Amerika said:


> Why would you trust a faceless onliner than a spouse or partner next to you, if you solicit for info that you ain't gonna use to make it better for the relationship?


Sometimes it helps a person to get different perspectives.

Also, very often, by the time someone is online seeking help they have a huge problem in their marriage. They cannot talk to their spouse/partner because there the communication is completely broken down.



Amerika said:


> The idea is to work on your relationship and build a stronger one...not to invest and break or lose...life is intended to be upward not downward!


Sometimes, ending a relationship is a move upward.


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## Amerika (Jan 5, 2020)

He knows that I just started reading stuff about how he depicts myself. It's an eye opener and it will help a great deal to communicate better and make things work positively... it's good to read about how you are portrayed especially the person you love most. A real life adjustment for me to be a better transformed person, I take it positively! 

Thanks for your comments...


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## laura_j (Jan 8, 2020)

Faceless people online are the best, just brutal honesty and I don't have to deal with judgment and drama of family and friends.


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