# Engaged no more?



## gigio (Apr 29, 2011)

hi there I'm new in here. 

I got engaged last November after almost 5 years together. 
In the beginning everything was perfect and a very passionate loving relationship (as you expect). In the past couple of years doubts started creeping upon and serious questions and minor conflict as well.
Since the engagement, it seems like it became progressively worse, I get constantly depressed and don't find my partner that attractive anymore, I also enjoy her company less and less. Before we used to go out a lot for romantic dinners, dancing etc.. now I just don't feel like sharing that time and much rather just sit down to watch a movie or read a book. Often I spend entire nights in the internet so I can be alone. Whenever she has to work late at night, I am happy cause I get to be by my own.
When I see her around the house, I feel like she has aged significantly in the past 5 years, and I feel like I'm looking at an old woman, (she is 34, like me) which makes me even more depressed and unattached. I know this is probably very shallow, but it makes me sad that I have already seen her most beautiful years. This has led me to fantasize about other women, and now everytime I go out, I just look at them and start to wonder. I am not trying to cheat or meet anyone as this would even complicate things further, but I do find other women attractive and exciting.

All this makes me wonder if I truly love her.. I feel like I do , but not in a passionate, deep way like it should be if you are about to get married. I understand people may feel like this after 10 to 20 years married, but not so early!! She is an amazing remarkable woman, who works hard at home and loves and cares for me deeply, I am ashamed that I don't entirely feel the same way anymore.

To add to this equation, I am currently from Colombia and living in Australia for the past 8 years. I'm having serious issues about where should I live and I regularly miss my family which they all live in Colombia. Conditions are probably better in Australia, but my love for Colombia and family makes me very melancholic quite often. Language for me is another issue, even though my partner has basic command of Spanish, it is not enough to carry a deep meaningful conversation and I find myself frustrated and angry for not being able to speak in my home in my own language or stay in contact with my culture. Also speaking about having children, I always make a big fuss about my future children not being able to have my language and culture, or love for my country if I stay with her.

All of this things together, made me question this relationship quite often, to the point where we had a chat about it and it all came crushing down. It seems like the engagement is off now and she is deeply hurt and devastated. I feel miserable because 5 years is a long time, and I had doubts before but they developed into this now. I am having severe issues with the breakup, because I know she is a special woman and that kind of connection and love is hard to find. I don't connect easily with a lot of people and she is truly an amazing, intelligent, good woman with similar values to my own. Now when I see the state she is in, I just want to run by her side and tell her everything will be OK and we will stay together with love forever, but will it? I have always been so cynical about marriage but feel trapped right now, not knowing which way to go...

did I made a mistake telling her these doubts and calling everything of? or do normally these issues get worse after married?

I hope, this makes sense and if you could give me any thoughts, this will be much appreciated. It feels like a breath of fresh air to see that I'm not alone here.

Thanks for reading.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Have you ever seen a therapist about depression? The loss of interest in doing things you used to enjoy and wanting to just be alone is a huge sign of depression. As well as the loss of feelings. 

I think breaking off the engagement was the right choice for you at this moment. You need to work on you, find out what you want, and how you can get out of this funk.

Wish you luck


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