# WTF Rollercoaster?



## NewMan (Jun 6, 2011)

Ok So I am still on my journey, Have read many of the books, and I feel great about who I am becoming. Last night I felt great, this morning even better, ate lunch started missing her, refocused and now Im good. It almost feel like I am 2 different people. When I feel good and powerful, nothing matters, then this feeling sneaks its way in and I get that feeling in my stomach, start to miss her and start think about ways to get her back. Now that I feel good, honestly I feel like if she doesnt come back she doesnt and I move on. But I had the idea of giving her my ring and saying, if you want to come back, we are starting over and you are going to have to proposed to me and if I want to we can if not ive moved on. What do you guys think?


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## NewMan (Jun 6, 2011)

Im not sure I follow AFEH


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm not Bob, but I will tell you this.

Once you go through a door - based on evidence and your convictions about same - it's not possible to go back to the other side.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AFEH said:


> I think women have not a clue about a man’s commitment. It’s certifiable. But when a man breaks his covenant it’s broken forever.





Conrad said:


> I'm not Bob, but I will tell you this.
> 
> Once you go through a door - based on evidence and your convictions about same - it's not possible to go back to the other side.


What are you referring to? When a woman cheats?


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

I understand. When I am feeling strong, none of the affair bothers me or matters. I just feel like we will get through it, it will be better and I can handle anything. 

Then, when I trigger or if I'm down or if she treats me in the cold way she did during the affair I am so down I just want to crawl into bed and die. The mind movies start up, the questions start buzzing in my head and I just go crazy. 

Fortunately, the lows are becoming less frequent, not lasting as long and not hitting me as hard. I feel confident that within a few more months the lows will be momentary lapses of confidence that I will be able to snap back from immediately. I hope anyway. ;-)


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> What are you referring to? When a woman cheats?


Actually no... when any fatal relationship flaw gets exposed.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> What are you referring to? When a woman cheats?


Break-ups aren’t always about cheating. Often they’re about a cataclysmic clash of fundamental values and beliefs. I was very patient and tolerant about the things my wife and I clashed over. But then you run out of patience and tolerance and put up barriers to protect your fundamental values and beliefs, the very core of the person you are deep inside. And when your partner shows no respect for those values and beliefs they show no respect for who you are deep inside.

That’s when you know it’s truly over even though you were together for over 40 years. Even though there is still love in the relationship. As Conrad says, once you’ve seen all that, you have your evidence and you’ve weighed it against your convictions, you walk through the door and there’s no way back.

I doubt it’s over yet for NewMan and I think he’ll be the one to try and reconcile as he still has “hope”.

Bob


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Break-ups aren’t always about cheating. Often they’re about a cataclysmic clash of fundamental values and beliefs. I was very patient and tolerant about the things my wife and I clashed over. But then you run out of patience and tolerance and put up barriers to protect your fundamental values and beliefs, the very core of the person you are deep inside. And when your partner shows no respect for those values and beliefs they show no respect for who you are deep inside.


It is not even always lack of respect for your values. It can sometimes be just having DIFFERENT incompatible values. If your core values are different, there is no way for you to both keep your core values and be in a successful relationship.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AFEH said:


> . But then you run out of patience and tolerance and put up barriers to protect your fundamental values and beliefs, the very core of the person you are deep inside. And when your partner shows no respect for those values and beliefs they show no respect for who you are deep inside.
> 
> That’s when you know it’s truly over even though you were together for over 40 years. Even though there is still love in the relationship. As Conrad says, once you’ve seen all that, you have your evidence and you’ve weighed it against your convictions, you walk through the door and there’s no way back.





Conrad said:


> Actually no... when any fatal relationship flaw gets exposed.


Ah, I see. 

yes, I agree with you both. It's interesting how at the end of a relationship, after having spent so much time with someone, youwonder "Who are you???" Like your beliefs & values are not the same and you wonder... if they ever were. It's weird, right?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AFEH, StrugglingMan and Jellybeans... wow does what you all write ever make so much sense to me!


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