# Results for the year (your cumulative count)



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

So at the beginning of the year I began a thread stating that it was looking to be another horrible year. I started a few weeks in stating I was at a measly '1' and expected a poor performance of the typic once every 2-3 months. Some people complained that counting was insensitive. In a way I agreed but still, when you are dealing with such infrequency - counting is easy and that if you can count the number of time you have sex with your partner (ie it's less than a handful) then you are clearly in a sad state of affairs.

So, realizing that, I made a change starting with a serious conversation that made two points 1. That I cannot live this way - that her withholding would eventually destroy is and 2. That I am not threatening but expressing that our sexual bonding is important for us both. Well, she took that very seriously. I did not expect a miracle and did not expect her to start initiating . Additionally I went to great lengths to organize time alone and little special romantic nights. To my surprise things changes to the point that I lost count this year. 

Additionally, knowing that she had endured 'CSA' long ago, I took into account that sex is a sensitive topic for her. I read a few other threads and came to the realization that sex for her entails control issues that require extra care. Specifically, the removal of the surprise element. It is clear to me now that if she has time (a day or so) to prepare, she tends to be ready mentally and seems to feel more in control . I can clearly see that for her, any type of surprise (such as 'let's do it now right here because I am in need') seems to trigger defensive behavior whereas, planning something nice in advance delivers a stress free message. Ultimately I have seen her mature sexually and begin enjoying it much much more.

The message here is do not loose hope. For the guys here who are frustrated, please realize that at times when you feel ready to give in, that you may be surprised if you can speak honestly and lovingly. If you can avoid speaking and acting from urges and instead think and act constructively, you may be able to rekindle what you had when you first met. The same goes for women - I am just stating from the male perspective where usually libido clouds our judgement.

Feel free to post!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Good thread idea and congrats on your breakthrough with your wife this year. It is good to see a success story! I too lost count for the year. If I had to guess, I'll end the year probably around 150 (3/wk avg). I have to factor in travel for business or we would be around 170 - 180 for the year.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I lost count as well, but my STBW and I topped the 500+ mark.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I lost count as well, but my STBW and I topped the 500+ mark.


Pervert...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I lost count as well, but my STBW and I topped the 500+ mark.


Congratulations! It's great, isn't it? (Especially when I compare my current situation to my essentially sexless first marriage.) We managed at least 500 per year for our first 12 years together. We've slowed down the last couple, but this year it's still about 361 - with 4 days left.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Congratulations! It's great, isn't it? (Especially when I compare my current situation to my essentially sexless first marriage.) We managed at least 500 per year for our first 12 years together. We've slowed down the last couple, but this year it's still about 361 - with 4 days left.


It is great. The final four years of my marriage were completely sexless, and that takes a toll. The thing is, with my STBW, I have never felt such sexual desire in my life as I do with her. I am almost 42 and she is 38. God help me when she hits that perimenopause hormone spike in a few years...


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Planning seems to help my wife as well. Some people like spontaneity and variety and others do not.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Our count would come in at around 14 or so. On the bright side, 4 times in 2 weeks and 5 in the last 3. Maybe it is a start of something better.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I don't know the count but it was certainly the lowest since we had small children. Hoping 2014 will be better.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

2 to 4 times a week, so lets say 156


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## johndz (Dec 19, 2013)

I never count, but tipically we do it two, three times per weeks. But soemtimes she really expasperate me, i go mad, and there are some weeks without sex. This had hapend in the last years, because I am becoming low tempered. We talk often about this, but isnt a easy thing.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Didn't keep track, but we average between two and three times a week, so I'll say 110- 160.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Nada in '13: Year of the divorce! A 2-1/2 year old one ~ I'm kinda feeling a little like the 60 year old virgin!

But I'll be fastly soliciting dating advice from all of you guys in '14!
So please stay tuned!*


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I lost count as well, but my STBW and I topped the 500+ mark.


Snap.

I don't count but at 7-10 times per week on average we would be around the 400 - 500 plus range. This is probably more in one year than my almost 20 years with the ex.

Mr H is 53, I am 47, we are having the best sex of our lives


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Holland said:


> Snap.
> 
> I don't count but at 7-10 times per week on average we would be around the 400 - 500 plus range. This is probably more in one year than my almost 20 years with the ex.
> 
> Mr H is 53, I am 47, we are having the best sex of our lives


oh beHAVE!!

:smthumbup: Rock on.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> oh beHAVE!!
> 
> :smthumbup: Rock on.


hah HB we are too old to worry about behaving  

Mr H's past marriage became quite sexless, it was not the reason for divorce but the symptom of other problems in the marriage. For the first 2 years of us being together he was still in amazement that he was with a HD woman. We are both so lucky to have found each other, we are a fantastic match in pretty much all areas in life.


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## Gomerpyle (Dec 27, 2013)

400-ish with the wife and eleven with five that were not my wife, all of which were approved by her beforehand and only one of which she hasn't either met or seen a picture of.


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## mr hillbilly (Jul 16, 2012)

Ugh, now I feel worse....I'm up this year to 78 which is almost the same as the past two years but I traveled a whole lot more so maybe it's an improvement. I just don't think anything has changed.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Seems like a lot of positive replies, I guess I am trailing at around 55-60. Same as it always is.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> Snap.
> 
> I don't count but at 7-10 times per week on average we would be around the 400 - 500 plus range. This is probably more in one year than my almost 20 years with the ex.
> 
> Mr H is 53, I am 47, we are having the best sex of our lives


We have been at 10-15 a week. I really never knew I could be this HD until I met the right woman, and she is the same. My marriage went sexless the final four years and before that was very slow once the kids came along. I am not sure if I have had more sex since being with my STBW than the rest of my life combined, but it is probably close. Once when we were talking about our sex life, she did mention that she'd had more orgasms in the first six monts we were together than the rest of her life combined, so I guess something is working for us 

Yes, it is fantastic being HD with an HD partner, AND being totally into eachother


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## Enamored (Dec 25, 2009)

For some of u a fortnight would be more then my entire year count. I think my count would be around 15. If we count the one where she was willing then we r talking about less figures then in one hand....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

It's difficult to know really.

I couldn't be like Holland and hubs or SamYeager and STBW as I think they would be carrying me out in a box. 

However it is difficult to be sure, we usually go every two days or so but not like clockwork.

We might go four or five days in a row then have two to three days off.

Rarely these days do we go more than once in a day.

So best guess is more than 120 but less than 180.

I think frequency is more of an issue when you aren't getting enough.


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> It's difficult to know really.
> 
> I couldn't be like Holland and hubs or SamYeager and STBW as I think they would be carrying me out in a box.


I'd like to be carried out in a box


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

1971 said:


> I'd like to be carried out in a box


:lol:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Strangely Mrs Wysh thinks I'd go more often but I have slowed down to her post menopause desire.

At times when we were younger she could tap me out.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, here we go. I would say that our "count" falls in the "handful" category. But you know what? I'm ok with that. Not because I have no interest in sex because I AM very interested in sex. No, I'm ok with the count because now I know WHY it is so low... and he and his doctor are taking care of that. And, frankly, even if our sex life STAYS in the "handful" category, I would still be ok with that. Again, not because I don't like sex, but because getting his health taken care of is far more important to me than anything else. 

He found out a few months ago that what I suspected, and what his previous doctors sidelined as being IMPOSSIBLE due to his age, was, in fact true. He has low T. How low? Right around 100... and he's 32 years old. His current doctor, when my husband requested the blood test to rule it out (and to shut me up!  ) said "ok, but I really doubt this is a problem.".... and then he got the results. When my husband went in to get the results AND decide on the course of action, the doctor said "How did we never catch this before now?? If you were a 60+ year old man, I could understand this number... but you're not. You're only 32!" Well, I can answer that one... because no one took me/him seriously about it until I basically put my foot down by pointing out the OTHER things affected by low testosterone... things he suffers from, and likely will suffer from for awhile, if not the rest of his life especially if he ever has to stop the injections (yes, that's the course he chose).

So, while it has happened more often since injections began, I'm not pushing it. What I will push is that if you suspect that you or your partner has low T, definitely get it checked, even if it is just to rule it out. And, don't let a doctor tell you "It can't be that" or imply that you/your partner is some sort of sex fiend just because sex is wanted more than once every two weeks!


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

There is absolutely no chance of me being carried out in a box, 
Mr 1971 prefers the TV.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

1971 said:


> There is absolutely no chance of me being carried out in a box,
> Mr 1971 prefers the TV.


Ah.

Not good.

At least not all the time. Sometimes it's nice to curl up together and watch a film.


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

We are not in a good place and I don't care anymore.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Gomerpyle said:


> 400-ish with the wife and eleven with five that were not my wife, all of which were approved by her beforehand and only one of which she hasn't either met or seen a picture of.


Er uh gotta ask. Dincha say she was cheating? Arent you in an open relationhip?

Me no understand.

How many other dudes has she been with approved by you? No dispespect but me seeing my wife with another man leads to his gruesome friday the 13th style death and my subsequent headlines death sentence.

My count for year. 30 MOL.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

MrAvg said:


> We are at about 55-60 but the love making is far better these days with more passion and time. When we first were together and younger it was 600+ but many were morning quickies.
> 
> When younger I wanted/needed quickies and my DW was fine with them. She claimed to enjoy them but after I aged I found less need for relief. I asked DW is she enjoyed the morning quickies and she said yes, but she never had a O. She told me she enjoyed the bonding and my relief.
> 
> More is not always better, I like it now that we have time and passion when we make love.


Same here I suppose.

We have slowed down now that my wife has gone through menopause and I am now late 50's. Once every two days or so suits us just fine.

Less quickies, more sessions.

Still go for the odd quickie though.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I will add that folks should not give up! I didn't count this last year. Nor the year before, when it turned around for us.

If I were to guess it was in the 700ish range.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> I will add that folks should not give up! I didn't count this last year. Nor the year before, when it turned around for us.
> 
> If I were to guess it was in the 700ish range.


Yes, definitely!

Mid marriage we went through, by frequency, what was a sexless marriage.

Kids, work, life etc wreak havoc on the time you have for each other.

But I was asked to wait on the promise that it would turn around. I waited, and it did!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Mine for 2013.....and sorry if I make some of you turn green with envy!

BJ - 0
HJ - 10 (max)
PIV - 6 (max)


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Ha, well hate to be a bummer but since I contributed to the other thread, I'll contribute here ...

5 for the year, celibate since July 2. I'm 46 and it's been the most active year since my later 30s.

Since it isn't going to change, my goals for the new year are 1) a divorce, and 2) figure out how to accept it. By accept it, I don't mean give up on a possible future romantic life but instead figure out how to not be so darned preoccupied with the lack of intimacy in my life and just learn to focus on the things that give my life meaning. Pretty darn difficult, I'll tell you, but thinking about what I don't have isn't doing me a bit of good. 

You know, you spend a good bit of your life from the teenage years onward thinking about it and you enter marriage expecting to have a reasonably active and fulfilling sex life between two loving partners so it isn't an easy mental switch to turn off. It's part of our nature as human beings. The reality is that it isn't happening for me anytime soon so what do you do? I've got to figure out how to fill that void and stop letting it cast such a shadow over my life. I have a large list of goals and so many positive things going for me that it seems silly to let this affect my outlook. If I never had an intimate moment again would that in any way be a negative reflection of my value as a man? Objectively, no ... and that is the place I need to be mentally, undoing the damage that has been done over the years. When I'm there, that's when I'll know I'm prepared to share my life again.


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## Gomerpyle (Dec 27, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Er uh gotta ask. Dincha say she was cheating? Arent you in an open relationhip?
> 
> Me no understand.
> 
> ...


No, my first wife cheated. This one has permission and I wouldn't consider it cheating but she hasn't taken up the offer yet. She goes out and dances but nobody has tripped her trigger yet. We almost pulled off an encounter with my brother and that would have been really nice but in the end since approval from his wife was not forthcoming we called it off. 

I don't have jealousy about it. If she wants to, no problem. I just need to know in real time and some details that pertain more to her safety than anything to do with jealousy.

I'm not sure I can convey to others why we both have no worries about it. This isn't the way we started, but more like enough years of trust built up and a certainty that neither of us wants to give up the life we have together, along with these business trips that set conditions where it is feasible. 

I'm taking off again in two days to go evaluate a bunch of properties and development possibilities, so we'll be apart for over two months. Inside of a week I'll probably pick something or other, it's just always the same on these trips, no matter how emphatic I am about being happily married, pulling out her picture and doing nothing but talking about my wife there will be young and beautiful girls brazenly offering themselves. But you find yourself saying that their tits aren't quite perfect or she's 90 lbs so a little overweight, etc. 

Objectively speaking so many of them really are knockouts but I really love my wife and nobody can compete with her, even though she got fat. It gets boring really fast. But there are some things that really give you insight into how women work, which is interesting. Do they all attend the same academy or something? If I was lonely and longing for the attention it would probably generate a spark but I am impervious to it. I am polite, diplomatic and genuinely treat them as human, but I have no feelings of love. 

I am not good looking. I am not buff. I wear used shorts and t-shirts. I don't shave regularly. I have zero "player" knowledge or interest. I am not wealthy. But I represent investors so it doesn't matter what you tell people, you can see it in their eyes. "This guy can do it for me". And shazam, they are touching your arm, giggling, doing a set of poses like the "over the shoulder" glance backwards, etc. 

My wife will go out maybe once every couple of weeks and beat just about any man in the house shooting pool, then go dancing with her sisters while her mom looks after the kids. She might find someone and she might not. I hope it is some really buff dude with amazing looks and a huge wanger that can throttle her good.  She has been such a great wife that she deserves it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

No, women are not all the same. I surely went to a different "academy" to your wife Gomerpyle and very happy about it. It would be just as naive for a woman to ask if all men are the same, thankfully they aren't.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

About 15...


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Once in March, which is better than the zero in 2012 but not up to the huge amount of two the year before that.


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## pugsx (Feb 9, 2011)

Sex with DW = 32 times in 2013.

I initiated sex 18 times, DW initiated 7 times. The other 7 times were kinda mutual.

Was rejected 12 times. I masturbated 137 times.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

pugsx said:


> Sex with DW = 32 times in 2013.
> 
> I initiated sex 18 times, DW initiated 7 times. The other 7 times were kinda mutual.
> 
> Was rejected 12 times. I masturbated 137 times.


I didn't know masturbation counted. I don't even watch porn and I'm embarrassed to admit those totals 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....2013 ....maybe ...5 times

....that's an improvement over 2012.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Notice how all the HD people with awesome sex lives get out there first to post on threads like this ... and then it's followed up by us outcasts and undesirables, lol. Then the thread dies or gets taken over by those of us reaching out in futility for answers. Weird.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Notice how all the HD people with awesome sex lives get out there first to post on threads like this ... and then it's followed up by us outcasts and undesirables, lol. Then the thread dies or gets taken over by those of us reaching out in futility for answers. Weird.


...."outcasts"? ...do we get a special t-shirt for that distinction?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Hurtin_Still said:


> ...."outcasts"? ...do we get a special t-shirt for that distinction?


Ha!

When I was a teenager, I had a small group of close friends. We weren't the popular kids, we weren't jocks, we weren't the intellectuals or the dopers. Few of us had girlfriends. None of us grew up to be wildly successful or marry beautiful women ... we were best described as social misfits. We reveled in it and called ourselves the "No Talents". Think about every college movie you've ever seen and there is always one fraternity of underdog social misfits ... that was us. Nobody drinks or parties harder than a bunch of testosterone laden, sexually repressed teenage boys. It is shocking that none of us are dead or ever got arrested. The stories have almost grown into legend. A number of times I have gone back home and been introduced to somebody who then says something like ... "oh wow, you're one of original No Talents, it's great to meet you."

So hell yeah, I think at least a T-shirt is required ... let's get this party started!


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

JustSomeGuy - wishing you a very happy 2014. Of course I wish that for everyone on this board - but you are the one approaching a new start. There are certainly no guarantees in life and I think you are being wise not getting out thereto primarily chase tail. I certainly hope your new start will lead you to a woman that will treat you as you deserve and will make the sexless years you are experiencing now nothing but a bad memory.

As for me, I thought I had already done the hard part in my journey. Life is that way, though, often your chief complaint is just the tip of the iceberg. 2014 is going to make or break my marriage.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> JustSomeGuy - wishing you a very happy 2014. Of course I wish that for everyone on this board - but you are the one approaching a new start. There are certainly no guarantees in life and I think you are being wise not getting out thereto primarily chase tail. I certainly hope your new start will lead you to a woman that will treat you as you deserve and will make the sexless years you are experiencing now nothing but a bad memory.
> 
> As for me, I thought I had already done the hard part in my journey. Life is that way, though, often your chief complaint is just the tip of the iceberg. 2014 is going to make or break my marriage.


Thank you MissScarlett. 2014 is no doubt going to be a tough year for me but I'm as prepared for it as I'm going to be and hope to use it as a springboard for a great 2015 and beyond.

I sincerely hope that 2014 turns into a positive year that makes your marriage. I'm very sorry to hear that your marriage has gotten to this point. I haven't read all of your posts but from the ones I have read, I knew there were problems, I just didn't realize it was that dire. Positive focus, right? 2014 is going to make your marriage! You really seem to have a good bead on things and you are one of a short list of people here that I admire, I wish you the best of luck.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Thank you! I certainly don't want it to end. I want the life we have planned together. I have been taking inventory of the pain that being married to a person who loves you but doesn't want you in the way to be wanted. A common pain on this board, but it does take a toll over time (as everyone knows.) I am unsure if it is too much to heal from. 

There is a serious underlying issue - despite what he says he does seem to have some aversion to my lady parts. 

If he truly does have an aversion this is not a situation I can remain in. Of course.

Maybe I have a really horrible situation going on like that lady on the other thread that smells! Whatever - I'm weary of the whole thing.

Sorry for the hijack.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Notice how all the HD people with awesome sex lives get out there first to post on threads like this ... and then it's followed up by us outcasts and undesirables, lol. Then the thread dies or gets taken over by those of us reaching out in futility for answers. Weird.


I know your situation is tangibly vexing, but for a number of people in this thread the HD moniker is relative. I think I have a good sex life overall, but Sam and Holland may think I'm grossly under sexed. Larry May whip out his huge 700 tally and think that Sam and Holland need to get more action while Plan is living in a sexless desert... :rofl:

Funny thing is that I am really HD and wish my frequency was higher than it is. I enjoy what we have, just want more.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I know your situation is tangibly vexing, but for a number of people in this thread the HD moniker is relative. I think I have a good sex life overall, but Sam and Holland may think I'm grossly under sexed. Larry May whip out his huge 700 tally and think that Sam and Holland need to get more action while Plan is living in a sexless desert... :rofl:
> 
> Funny thing is that I am really HD and wish my frequency was higher than it is. I enjoy what we have, just want more.


Oh, I know and my comment was meant primarily as an amusing observation ... but .. if you are living in a sexless desert then I am stranded by myself on Mars. It is like debating the differences in levels of wealth to a person who needs food stamps to eat. Some of those in healthy relationships have been through this before but for those who haven't, it is difficult to describe in a way that is easily understood just how devastating it is. It is the difference between having hope and having none. Imagine, if instead of wishing you could have sex more often, you spent most of your time wondering if you will ever have sex again and the choice you have is to either accept that or destroy your life in order to change your circumstances. Imagine not having sex for so long that you begin to forget what it is like. It isn't even the sex. It's that the one person that you provide for and support in every way has no desire for you and doesn't even want to touch you. I am a decent looking guy. I am in great shape. I have good hygiene. I am a great father and I think a pretty good husband. I am not verbally or physically abusive. I don't abuse alcohol and I have to be near dead to use any drugs stronger than aspirin. I have a good career and provide for my family. I have a pretty good sense of humor. Do you know what kind of mental gymnastics it takes to remind myself daily of my many positives and desirable qualities just to keep things in their proper perspective after years of rejection and slow path to complete disconnection from your spouse? 

From the time a boy becomes a teenager, society pressures him to link his self-esteem to his ability to get the girl. It's in every teenager movie and romantic comedy ever made. Why do so many people go to the gym? If people were being completely honest and introspective, the majority would say it is about self-esteem and not about their health. They feel better about themselves when they look good ... and why is it important to look good? ... sex ... to become attractive or stay attractive to members of the opposite sex. Evidence is all over TAM. What is the first thing we tell people when they get a divorce or need a 180 ... or their wife doesn't want to have sex with them? ... hit the gym. Threads about pen!s size explode with activity with people who seem more worried about the size of their johnson and their ability to satisfy women than they are about the size of their retirement plan. If a man has never married by the time they hit their late 30's, there is something wrong with him. We hear from the betrayed men and women whose spouses, despite having a healthy sex life, are unsatisfied and seek it elsewhere and in many cases they do it to boost their self-esteem. We hear from players and alphas who have made a game of bagging as many married women as possible and wear it like a badge of honor. We hear about cougars who get a thrill from still having the goods to be able to get young men to have sex with them. Of course, the world of advertising takes advantage of this and uses sex to play on our self-esteem in order to convince us to buy their products ... and we do.

Not only does sex feel great and you feel good about the person you are doing it with but you feel great about yourself. You are charged up and ready to go. It is part of who we are as human beings. So what do you do when nobody wants to have sex with you? What do you do when you look back and realize for most of your adult life, you've missed out on that? How do you disassociate that with your sense of your own personal value and not let it affect your self-esteem? I'm telling, it is really hard ... very, very difficult.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> Thank you! I certainly don't want it to end. I want the life we have planned together. I have been taking inventory of the pain that being married to a person who loves you but doesn't want you in the way to be wanted. A common pain on this board, but it does take a toll over time (as everyone knows.) I am unsure if it is too much to heal from.
> 
> There is a serious underlying issue - despite what he says he does seem to have some aversion to my lady parts.
> 
> ...


I think you would know if your lady parts smelled! I gotta say that having an aversion to lady parts is a mystery to me although I know some men do. I hope you are able to find an answer for that.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Thank you MissScarlett. *2014 is no doubt going to be a tough year for me *but I'm as prepared for it as I'm going to be and hope to use it as a springboard for a great 2015 and beyond.
> 
> I sincerely hope that 2014 turns into a positive year that makes your marriage. I'm very sorry to hear that your marriage has gotten to this point. I haven't read all of your posts but from the ones I have read, I knew there were problems, I just didn't realize it was that dire. Positive focus, right? 2014 is going to make your marriage! You really seem to have a good bead on things and you are one of a short list of people here that I admire, I wish you the best of luck.


2012 was my tough year. It was the year my marriage finally legally ended. That end was a long time building and the final four years were completely sexless. During those years, I was able to finally break the emotional bonds which made moving on much easier for me.

Do I want my marriage to have ended? Ask me that ten years ago, and I would have emphatically said NO. Ask me now? I wish it had ended ten years ago.

Yes, I am in a great place right now, sexually and otherwise. I found a woman who respects me, admires me, cherishes me, loves me, lusts after me. I feel the same towards her, in ways and intensity I have never felt before in my life, and the feelings and bond, rather than fading over time have continued to grow stronger. It was a long road to were I am at right now, but it was worth it in the end.

And yeah...a rarity today...got woken up for morning sex  And given our schedules for today, will probably hit it two or three more times...gotta save something for 12:01  Yeah, it's good to be me...something I will never ever take for granted.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

JSGW, your situation makes me feel terrible for you. As cliche as it sounds, you have to forget the past or you'll go nuts thinking about "what ifs" and "I missed out". I think you are not much older than I am (45 I think?) plus if I recall you have been hitting the gym hard so the testosterone should be pumping thru you. I can't see how you can't have a great sex life moving forward after you and your wife part ways. I hate to see a marriage end, but I think you put up with a lot more than any sane man should have. 

Best of luck to you for 2014, and I hope you can find that special woman to treat you the way you deserve to be treated (LOL, almost sounds like a Confusciousism...).


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Oh, I know and my comment was meant primarily as an amusing observation ... but .. if you are living in a sexless desert then I am stranded by myself on Mars. It is like debating the differences in levels of wealth to a person who needs food stamps to eat. Some of those in healthy relationships have been through this before but for those who haven't, it is difficult to describe in a way that is easily understood just how devastating it is. It is the difference between having hope and having none.
> 
> *Imagine, if instead of wishing you could have sex more often, you spent most of your time wondering if you will ever have sex again and the choice you have is to either accept that or destroy your life in order to change your circumstances. Imagine not having sex for so long that you begin to forget what it is like. It isn't even the sex. It's that the one person that you provide for and support in every way has no desire for you and doesn't even want to touch you. I am a decent looking guy. I am in great shape. I have good hygiene. I am a great father and I think a pretty good husband. I am not verbally or physically abusive. I don't abuse alcohol and I have to be near dead to use any drugs stronger than aspirin. I have a good career and provide for my family. I have a pretty good sense of humor. Do you know what kind of mental gymnastics it takes to remind myself daily of my many positives and desirable qualities just to keep things in their proper perspective after years of rejection and slow path to complete disconnection from your spouse? *
> 
> ...


This pretty much describes me to a tee...right down to the bit about asprin. You'll make it through, and come up better on the othe side.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

We ended up at 69. 1.33 times per week.


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## ZaphodBeeblebrox (Mar 31, 2013)

0 for 2013. 0 for 2012. 0 for 2011. Maybe 4x in 2010. So my upcoming divorce filing should not be a surprise. I'm 48 and life is short. Hopefully with any luck, in a year I won't have to put a 0 in the 2014 category...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> We ended up at 69. 1.33 times per week.


69 is a good number to end at


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

83 for us. November was the high month with 10. Oct and Feb were the lows with 4 each. Each other averaged 6-8. Saturday's were the high day at 15 and Tuesday's were the low at 9. Weekly average is 1.625. Yeah, I have a spreadsheet tracker!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

joelmacdad said:


> 83 for us. November was the high month with 10. Oct and Feb were the lows with 4 each. Each other averaged 6-8. Saturday's were the high day at 15 and Tuesday's were the low at 9. Weekly average is 1.625. Yeah, I have a spreadsheet tracker!


Oh dear oh dearohdearohdear....

Don't give me any ideas here...I love playing around with statistical analysis...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*When I'm not in a dormant state, such as now, 69 is one my very favorite numbers!

Heads down!*


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ZaphodBeeblebrox said:


> 0 for 2013. 0 for 2012. 0 for 2011. Maybe 4x in 2010. So my upcoming divorce filing should not be a surprise. I'm 48 and life is short. Hopefully with any luck, in a year I won't have to put a 0 in the 2014 category...


If you go get it, you definately won't be putting a "0" for 2014.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> We ended up at 69. 1.33 times per week.


You posted in another thread that perhaps you should be happy with you life as it is now but aren't.

Sorry, but those numbers would mean to me that you have EVERY RIGHT to be upset with the count.


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## ALWAYS TRYING (Mar 2, 2013)

Yay. I get a t-shirt. Something positive from this thing called marriage.

Big zero for me. Last year he got a bj on our 30th anniversary. This year I was not even gonna try.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ZaphodBeeblebrox said:


> 0 for 2013. 0 for 2012. 0 for 2011. Maybe 4x in 2010. So my upcoming divorce filing should not be a surprise. I'm 48 and life is short. Hopefully with any luck, in a year I won't have to put a 0 in the 2014 category...


Dang.... I don't know how guys do it. I couldn't stand to go that long. It would kill me.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Looking at the calendar (we have a 1-year dry-erase calendar on the wall to track trips, events, etc), counting up time apart, and the 2 months we kept an actual track of sex....

I would say we had sex probably about 420 times in 2013, with a confidence range of 390 to 440. Just added +3 since yesterday morning, and she just asked for a pounding this afternoon....

I'm impressed with the couples that broke 500...


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## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

Not exactly sure, but I can confidently say 350+.


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## ZaphodBeeblebrox (Mar 31, 2013)

treyvion said:


> If you go get it, you definately won't be putting a "0" for 2014.


Err, well, I'm already being "pursued" by a single female friend. Told her to just cool it until I get the paperwork in order. 



larry.gray said:


> Dang.... I don't know how guys do it. I couldn't stand to go that long. It would kill me.


There were some dark times where I actually contemplated (not for long) ending it all. It can bring you down just that much. I refuse to quit though (part of my problem - tried and tried and tried to fix things for much longer than most other guys would have - guess I'm stubborn).

Whatever woman I end up with next, she isn't going to know what she's gotten into. Err, gotten into her. Heh.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Anubis said:


> Looking at the calendar (we have a 1-year dry-erase calendar on the wall to track trips, events, etc), counting up time apart, and the 2 months we kept an actual track of sex....
> 
> I would say we had sex probably about 420 times in 2013, with a confidence range of 390 to 440. Just added +3 since yesterday morning, and she just asked for a pounding this afternoon....
> 
> I'm impressed with the couples that broke 500...


I think I can say with extreme confidence that 420 times more than doubles the number of times we've had in our 21 years of marriage ... maybe close to tripling. I only hate you a little bit


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I think I can say with extreme confidence that 420 times more than doubles the number of times we've had in our 21 years of marriage ... maybe close to tripling. I only hate you a little bit


I don't have an exact count, but since we reconciled in April, we've averaged about 4x a week. After ten years of only a few times a month, we've still getting used to it . . . and hope to do better in 2014. 

I'll second OP's sentiment about not losing hope. I never in a million years thought my marriage could turn around like it has. It's like a whole new relationship for both of us--and we've been together for 24 years. . The sex is just one aspect of it, but I honestly have to say it's at the foundation. We couldn't have the sort of intimacy we have without the sex. We need it, we're lost without it. 

Happy New Year, and may you all get laid to your heart's content in 2014.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

While I can't brag about quantity, lately the quality has picked up. That has satisfied me. 15 times for the year but the last 4 times have been intense, passionate, and satisfying.

I was starting to not care but this has given me hope.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Awesome! I did not keep track this year. We actually had a bad year. My DW had major complications from a vaginal hysterectomy that turned abdominal becuause of a severed ureter. She has felt lousy most of the year. However, we discovered that her discomfort (body aches, abdominal pain, lack of energy, etc.) was being caused by non celiac gluten sensitivity. Since she has gone off of gluten, she is feeling better than she has in years. So, sexually, things are rapidly improving. It is hard to be sexy when you have constant pain and feel exhausted all of the time!


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I think I can say with extreme confidence that 420 times more than doubles the number of times we've had in our 21 years of marriage ... maybe close to tripling. I only hate you a little bit


JSGW. 
I once walked in shoes a LOT more like yours than you may think. In my first year with my fiance, I exceeded the total for my 17 year marriage. (in which twice the annual total was zero). I wasted the prime years of my life being almost sexless, belittled, abused and blamed. I see your posts, and feel your pain, and wish you strength to do you what you must.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> You posted in another thread that perhaps you should be happy with you life as it is now but aren't.
> 
> *Sorry, but those numbers would mean to me that you have EVERY RIGHT to be upset with the count.*


Even taking into account the 6 weeks, I believe it was, for recovery from her hysterectomy?

WoM, is that count of 69 EVERY instance of sex, including "just" BJ's, or only PIV? And, I believe I concluded from your thread about her hysterectomy, that she doesn't have sex when on her period (the part about spotting is what led to that conclusion). If her periods are regular, meaning once every 4 weeks (give or take a few days), then it would actually be 40 weeks, not 52 that you would use to come to the average, which boosts it higher. Has she been sick? I mean, in addition to the problems which led to the hysterectomy. All of these play a part in why you may have a lower count here. I know you keep track with a calendar... maybe you should keep track of how often she is sick as well and how they correspond. And I don't mean a little cold, I mean something that has her down for quite awhile... like the flu.

Now, I did start keeping track at the beginning of the year... and then my husband got his blood test and I realized that keeping track of how often we had sex wasn't gonna do a damn thing for us as long as his T is this low. I can honestly say that it has improved since injections started, but then he got the same bug the kids did from school and he's been sick for weeks with it, just like everyone else around here. No way in hell am I bugging him for sex when he feels like sh!t. But that's me.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I know your situation is tangibly vexing, but for a number of people in this thread the HD moniker is relative. I think I have a good sex life overall, but Sam and Holland may think I'm grossly under sexed. Larry May whip out his huge 700 tally and think that Sam and Holland need to get more action while Plan is living in a sexless desert... :rofl:
> 
> Funny thing is that I am really HD and wish my frequency was higher than it is. I enjoy what we have, just want more.


I don't think that anyone that is happy with their sex/love life is under sexed. I know I sound like a complete tool when I post here but I still can't help but do an internal high 5 at how my life is now. Many know my story and I really just want to let people know that there is a chance of having a fulfilling sex life after divorce.

My life was at such a low point only 4 years ago, to the extent that I was became quite ill from it all. Now I am happy and loved. 

Whether the number is 7 or 700 it doesn't matter, if people are content then life is all good. If people are miserable then they have some hard decisions to make but doing nothing will not change anything.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

96 - exact count. I count b/c I wasn't happy previously with the level of sex we were having. Also I was initiating most of the time.
95% of them being 'sessions' with lingerie (I love dressing up), oral/69's, toys (about 70% of the time).
The rest obviously quickies - morning, middle of the night type jobs.

Some hat tricks and some four in a rows. Also, 3 in a day times.

The count would be higher if my husband's drive was stronger. Compared with what our marriage was like a few years ago - I'm very happy. He is initiating more now - nowhere near as much as me though.

Edited to add: I'm 47, H is 46.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Even taking into account the 6 weeks, I believe it was, for recovery from her hysterectomy?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You are right she was out of commission for 6 weeks for surgery and she didn't do it on her period. I did count bj's but looking back I can see some lost opportunities. For example I tried to get creative and plan our 10 day Fiji trip around ovulation lol. But I didn't realize at the time that she had a 26 day cycle and ended up on the other side of the world with her out of commission for half the trip and pmsing the other half. Could have boosted the number by 6 right there. 

Anyway I'm currently optimistic. I'm not complaining just putting the fact out there for now. With no more periods I'd like to shoot for 100 for 2014.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Oh and for the record I counted intimacy days actually. So I counted both bj and piv. But if we did it twice it only counted as one day. So in theory the numbers some guys are posting couldn't happen in my count. 365 would be the absolute max.


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## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

Well some of us are posting number of occurrences, not days.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Oh and for the record I counted intimacy days actually. So I counted both bj and piv. But if we did it twice it only counted as one day. So in theory the numbers some guys are posting couldn't happen in my count. 365 would be the absolute max.


If you are happy with it then that's what's important. My guess is your number of times where you finished is around 100 to 140, assuming at most you would average 2 a day. 

Honestly I'm not trying to pry (much...:rofl, just trying to get everyone standardized with the same methodology when talking numbers.


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

About every 6-8 weeks, so 6-8 times for the year. It has been like this for at least the past 8 years.


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## RedQueen (Nov 26, 2011)

My count for 2013 is 3. That is down from 7 in 2012. My husband just doesn't want to and I feel like I'm dying inside this marriage. Congrats to everyone that has been able to "fix" their issues. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that when he doesn't seem to care enough to try.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....well ...it's Jan 1 ...and I can see I'm in for another 'banner year'. No kids in the house this New Years Eve ....youngest can now drive and was out with friends ....and we had the house to ourselves until at least 3am.


.....wife fell asleep at about 10:30 ...after I showered, shaved, put on some decent clothes, and was going to pop a bottle of bubbly I had chilling.


.....I watched the 'ball' fall at midnight, and at 12:00:01 am ...poured a glass of bourbon, and watched the Twilight Zone.


....she woke at nearly 2am ...and was miffed at ME for not waking her? 


....not keeping "count" anymore ...it's embarrassing, humiliating, and heartbreaking.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

Probably around 300 for 2013. I travel on business around 75 days a year. We do it pretty much everyday I am home and a few two times a day so probably right around 300.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Factoring in we are only actually together 3 weeks out of the month and then "aunt flow" ruins a couple days here and there.

We are around 120-140 in their somewhere.......it's usually 5-8 days with nothing then 3-4 times in row then 5-8 days nothing then 3-4 times in a row. Ebbs and flows.........but also lots of kids at home, both work 50hr week, both travel, etc etc


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

2013-1 time I never attempted after that New years eve


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Trying2figureitout said:


> 2013-1 time I never attempted after that New years eve


Are you saying you and the wife had sex once in 2013? I'm just asking because I know you had a 4 year drought and link to a plan to fix your sexless marriage.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

102


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

johnAdams said:


> Probably around 300 for 2013. I travel on business around 75 days a year. We do it pretty much everyday I am home and a few two times a day so probably right around 300.


You are my hero


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> *Are you saying you and the wife had sex once in 2013?* I'm just asking because I know you had a 4 year drought and link to a plan to fix your sexless marriage.


Technically, wouldn't that be zero for 2013, though? I mean, it was NYE 2012, so NYD would be a new year... :scratchhead:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Are you saying you and the wife had sex once in 2013? I'm just asking because I know you had a 4 year drought and link to a plan to fix your sexless marriage.


T2, I looked up your profile to see if you had any other recent posts prior to this one today. I saw that you made 2 posts in the OP's other thread about cumulative count for the year. I answered my own question that you are sitting at 1 after you had sex on New Year's day of 2013 and no relations since once you made the pledge to not initiate sex anymore. The reason why I'm following up with you on this is to ask "what's next"? Prior to joining TAM, you were in year 2 of the drought and you were stating that you would no longer accept it if you went into a 3rd year. Then you went through a 3rd year and you had a PLAN that you were working on. From your last post, you've gone thru year 3 with one encounter - clinically sexless - and you are in year 4. 

I feel very bad for you, but you are four years into a sexless marriage where there is a good chance that your wife had an affair on you during these years. When do you pull the plug and come to the realization that it's not going to change? JMHO, but I think you were given some tough love the last time you were posting regularly on TAM, and I believe that you developed a stiff necked pride to "prove us wrong". That was over a year ago. You deserve better than this. I think it's time to figure out if you will accept what I think will be a sexless marriage from here on our or if you will decide you had enough and to find someone that truly loves you. Your penultimate post is below for those who are not familiar with you. 



> From someone who has been dealing with this (an tried most everything) let me give you a Word of Advice...
> 
> Its a NO WIN Scenario.
> 
> ...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Technically, wouldn't that be zero for 2013, though? I mean, it was NYE 2012, so NYD would be a new year... :scratchhead:


Not sure TBH, but I'm willing to think of it as one time in 2013. Either way, I don't believe THE PLAN is working. Not trying to be snarky, but that's how T2 references his blog in all caps.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Oh and for the record I counted intimacy days actually. So I counted both bj and piv. But if we did it twice it only counted as one day. So in theory the numbers some guys are posting couldn't happen in my count. 365 would be the absolute max.


I look at it as "per session" so that could include PIV, oral, BJ etc but count as 1 session.
We often have 2 sessions a day, a short time in the morning unless it is a weekend and more prolonged sessions in the evening.

If our count were based on individual sex acts it would be a much higher number than 400 - 500 times for 2013. 

We are at 4 times so far for 2014 but to be fair it is the second day of the year here


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## rubpy3 (Nov 19, 2013)

All you happy couples. <10 with STBX. Wow, the marriage is really not worth it is it?


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## rubpy3 (Nov 19, 2013)

You know what, since we are already filed, we are separated and I don't feel bad for starting something here. Goal: 101 for 2014, or a little under twice a week. Man can't think well if all his blood is down there, I need to return the blood back to brain.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Not sure TBH, but I'm willing to think of it as one time in 2013. Either way, I don't believe THE PLAN is working. Not trying to be snarky, but that's how T2 references his blog in all caps.


Interesting that both these threads I started are really prompting some good discussion here. I'm noticing people really constructively offering advice at a level if detail that is quite amazing. That's one reason I came here because I believe the members really actually care for each other especially after a nasty experience I had originally with a place called 'the experience project' in a zone called 'I live in a sexless marriage'. I quickly discovered that this forum was a place for people to really whinge and take out their anger on others. The only hope for those remaining in sub an environment is a place of continuing to live miserably in a sexless marriage. Here however it's different - you'll be encourages to stop living in a sexless marriage whether by fixing your current marriage or, getting out of your current one and into a better, more fulfilling one that we all deserve. As for me, I never thought things would change - I felt condemned into a marriage of considerable disappointment. I too was at a place where I thought 'I and done initiating'. I felt I wanted to magically receive unsolicited sex all the time and nearly vowed myself to pull the plug in any efforts. However a time came where I couldn't hack it and just told my wife how I felt. I was up-front and one day said it like it was - that I would soon be out if she continued I withhold. To my surprise things changes drastically for the better. The greatest thing that happened was that I learned more about why my wife withheld and discovered some unfortunate truths with CSA that actually broke my heart. I suddenly understood where she was coming from and also discovered that I would still be doing most of the initiating but with very pleasant results. There may come a day where she initiates more regularly but I am ok with things as yet are - very ok with it. The point is, you have to keep making moves whether it's a nice away, or a mover close to your spouse. You cannot sit their and gripe forever. Of that's what you want - to gripe, you should go and join the experience project and truly 'live in a sexless marriage'. Tam is here to get you out d that situation and in this case / sub-thread above, I encourage to not sit their and hack it miserably. Make a nice for the better and you may be surprised and even grow closer to your wife. Either way, whether it's with your spouse or new spouse, we all deserve sexual and emotional fulfillment. Do something constructive!!! Make it happen and get what you deserve now sooner than later!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

775 possibly? We set aside intimacy for 30 minutes in the morning prior to work and 30 minutes at night before bed no matter what. Life is too short not to enjoy your soulmate. There were a few days we cheated and a few extra middays things, or tried to be 20 again and went 4 or 5 times. Admittedly, some days may just be oral sex for 30 minutes in the morning.

We've been married 15 years, and it has been twice a day for the last 2 and a half years. For the first few years of marriage it was probably once a day, with the sporatic 4 or 5 times in a day newlywed sex. Then for the next 10 years it was probably once every other day.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> I look at it as "per session" so that could include PIV, oral, BJ etc but count as 1 session.
> We often have 2 sessions a day, a short time in the morning unless it is a weekend and more prolonged sessions in the evening.
> 
> If our count were based on individual sex acts it would be a much higher number than 400 - 500 times for 2013.
> ...


HA! We're tied then  Yesterday was spent pretty much naked in bed all day 


New Years eve we hit four times as well, and about 10pm she asked if I wanted to try and squeeze one last one in for the year...


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

Most of these posts are really depressing to those of us not getting any. Just saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

endlessdrought said:


> Most of these posts are really depressing to those of us not getting any. Just saying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, our situation sucks and it is hard to read but keep in mind that many of the people here posting high numbers went through very similar situations and did what they needed to do to change their circumstances.


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

Divorce seems to be the only option but thats not an option for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

endlessdrought said:


> Most of these posts are really depressing to those of us not getting any. Just saying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not for me. I have hope, because I control whether I get some or not. It's not about my siginificant other, if they want to shut it down you can make the decision to leave or take on a lover to fill the void.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

endlessdrought said:


> Divorce seems to be the only option but thats not an option for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A devil who knows that it is not an option for you will use you for what they want to. Remember, just because they are married to you, does not mean they care about you!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

endlessdrought said:


> Divorce seems to be the only option but thats not an option for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why is that not an option for you?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> HA! We're tied then  Yesterday was spent pretty much naked in bed all day
> 
> 
> New Years eve we hit four times as well, and about 10pm she asked if I wanted to try and squeeze one last one in for the year...


Do you people work? Eat? Sleep? Shower? Call your mothers? Have hobbies (besides screwing)? :rofl:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> Do you people work? Eat? Sleep? Shower? Call your mothers? Have hobbies (besides screwing)? :rofl:


Well...we've had sex while doing pretty much all of the above at least once 

Seriously though, a typical day is once or twice, and at 45 minutes to an hour, that's at most two hours a day It's easy enough to find the time when it's a priority for both. Stay up half an hour later, get up half an hour earlier, and there's an hour right there Those extra three levels in Call of Duty, trying for some mix and match in Candy Crush...there's another hour. There is all kinds of time for sex if both want it.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> samyeagar said:
> 
> 
> > HA! We're tied then
> ...


I hear you. Even in a healthy relationship, I wouldn't post some of these numbers. Yes, I could find the time, am physically capable and it is important to me ... but other things are important too, especially my daughters. There's a reason I don't play Call of Duty.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GettingIt said:


> Do you people work? Eat? Sleep? Shower? Call your mothers? Have hobbies (besides screwing)? :rofl:


I'm late to work a lot. And I'm really running out of excuses that aren't TMI.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> Do you people work? Eat? Sleep? Shower? Call your mothers? Have hobbies (besides screwing)? :rofl:


He works full time in a high stress job, I work PT and do some volunteer work.
I am renovation a house, he is helping me.
4 teenagers between us that we have shared care of with their other parent.
We cycle, socialise and have hobbies. We go out for dinners, operas and other types of events.
We live in a big city and would spend at least 1 or 2 hours each day driving to/from work and kids activities.

We are very busy people but there is always time for sex.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

OK, I'll jump in. Forty three. Of course I wish it were higher. Married 20+ years. Is that low or doing pretty good? Thoughts?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> He works full time in a high stress job, I work PT and do some volunteer work.
> I am renovation a house, he is helping me.
> 4 teenagers between us that we have shared care of with their other parent.
> We cycle, socialise and have hobbies. We go out for dinners, operas and other types of events.
> ...


Sounds similar to my STBW and I in some ways. I work a fairly demanding job with four hours of commute time every day, so I am up at 5am every day, and don't get home until 7pm every night. She works PT and gets home around 8pm. I always have dinner waiting, and we share chores, do the shopping together on the weekends. We have two teenagers at home, and we socialize. We go out to dinner, play pool, have hobbies, all those kinds of things. We are pretty busy too, but we also, always find time for sex.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Holland said:
> 
> 
> > He works full time in a high stress job, I work PT and do some volunteer work.
> ...


So when do you sleep or spend time with the kids? I get home at 7 typically and if we don't have a kid event, it is normally dinner and cleanup. That's probably all done a Iittle after 8. Then it's homework, bedtime routine with the kids. That might be done by 9. If I'm going to get up at 5 like you do then I have to go to bed at that point ... and by going to bed I also mean the several things I have to do to get ready for the next day and if I scramble then maybe I'm asleep by 10 for 7 hours sleep.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> samyeagar said:
> 
> 
> > Holland said:
> ...


If I would have a prayer of even approaching the kind of numbers you talk about, she would have to enjoy quickies. Even when we were young and our relationship was a lot healthier, it does nothing for her. She has a long warmup time. 

I remember my girlfriend prior to my wife was very HD and we posted numbers like what you talk about. The problem was that she had little patience for anything else. I was in a corporate boot camp where if you failed, you lost your job and a number of people did. I would come home at 7 and her clothes would be off nearly the second I walked through the door. It was great fun while it lasted but for different reasons I broke it off about 2/3 of the way through the program. I'm glad I did because I was this close to failing out of the program and I had to work my butt off to catch up. Best sexual experience of my life but there was no balance. If my wife had only half of her drive I would be a very happy man. Heck right now I feel if I could have sex just once before I died I'd be a happy man but that's what a marriage like mine does to a person.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

I'm not sure I like these threads about how many times people have sex, for people not getting as much as they would like it must be torture seeing how frequently some people are at it. But here I am posting my details. I don't have an Excel spreadsheet to keep a tally but my guestimate is between 60 to 80 for 2013 which may seem tragic to some but for me and Hubby we are very happy with it. For 2014 it's been 3 times so far, we are more frisky when on holiday


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> If I would have a prayer of even approaching the kind of numbers you talk about, she would have to enjoy quickies. Even when we were young and our relationship was a lot healthier, it does nothing for her. She has a long warmup time.
> 
> I remember my girlfriend prior to my wife was very HD and we posted numbers like what you talk about. The problem was that she had little patience for anything else. I was in a corporate boot camp where if you failed, you lost your job and a number of people did. I would come home at 7 and her clothes would be off nearly the second I walked through the door. It was great fun while it lasted but for different reasons I broke it off about 2/3 of the way through the program. I'm glad I did because I was this close to failing out of the program and I had to work my butt off to catch up. Best sexual experience of my life but there was no balance. If my wife had only half of her drive I would be a very happy man. Heck right now I feel if I could have sex just once before I died I'd be a happy man but that's what a marriage like mine does to a person.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


This sounds sadly familiar, even the part about the ex. My ex was also HD and lived out of town, so we'd hit it around 8-10 times per weekend, not counting BJ's and HJ's. Wife and I haven't hit it that much in the past five years, and forget about a BJ. 

I also admire those that make sex a priority. My wife would rather spend her down time playing her FB games, watching TV, and sleeping. No way in hell will she wake up a half hour early to have sex. Sleep is much more important.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> This sounds sadly familiar, even the part about the ex. My ex was also HD and lived out of town, so we'd hit it around 8-10 times per weekend, not counting BJ's and HJ's. Wife and I haven't hit it that much in the past five years, and forget about a BJ.
> 
> I also admire those that make sex a priority. My wife would rather spend her down time playing her FB games, watching TV, and sleeping. No way in hell will she wake up a half hour early to have sex. Sleep is much more important.


Or what about make it part of your go to sleep routine, 15 minutes of sex almost nightly?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> If I would have a prayer of even approaching the kind of numbers you talk about, she would have to enjoy quickies. Even when we were young and our relationship was a lot healthier, it does nothing for her. She has a long warmup time.
> 
> I remember my girlfriend prior to my wife was very HD and we posted numbers like what you talk about. The problem was that she had little patience for anything else. I was in a corporate boot camp where if you failed, you lost your job and a number of people did. I would come home at 7 and her clothes would be off nearly the second I walked through the door. It was great fun while it lasted but for different reasons I broke it off about 2/3 of the way through the program. I'm glad I did because I was this close to failing out of the program and I had to work my butt off to catch up. *Best sexual experience of my life but there was no balance. * If my wife had only half of her drive I would be a very happy man. Heck right now I feel if I could have sex just once before I died I'd be a happy man but that's what a marriage like mine does to a person.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


I feel that we have a good life balance. ATM we have been a bit busier than normal so the long, lazy sleep ins are rare but overall we have a good life/work balance. By mid year the house should be fully renovated so we will have more time to ourselves.

I had a marriage like yours and by the end I was so turned off sex I would have died happily without it.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Or what about make it part of your go to sleep routine, 15 minutes of sex almost nightly?


For me, absolutely. For her, no way. Sex is too much work. She'd rather spend her time on her computer playing games.

EDIT: And God forbid she go a day without texting her 41 year old single brother who is as juvenile as she is. If she doesn't hear from him for a day, she's ready to call the police.


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Probably 75 in the first 6 months
35 in the second 6

Rate of decline is not what I am looking for and it needs to go the other direction if we are going to stay together.


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

DW actually got before me this morning, very unusual. Don't fret, nothing happened, its only been 3 weeks, I still have at least 3 more weeks to wait.
BTW she quite her job in September so she could go back to college. Now I seem to be getting LESS than when she was working. Go figure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

She also gave me a kiss as I was leaving. That was more affection than she has shown on the last couple of weeks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

endlessdrought said:


> She also gave me a kiss as I was leaving. That was more affection than she has shown on the last couple of weeks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right, that CRUMB felt huge. Lets you know how much you been missing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Cyclist said:


> Probably 75 in the first 6 months
> 35 in the second 6
> 
> Rate of decline is not what I am looking for and it needs to go the other direction if we are going to stay together.


If she's cutting in half every six months, you will be at 17 for the next six months. You need to kill that pattern in it's tracks!


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> OK, I'll jump in. Forty three. Of course I wish it were higher. Married 20+ years. Is that low or doing pretty good? Thoughts?


Well Thunder 43 makes nearly once a week which in my book sounds perfectly normal after 20 years of marriage. I really don't like coming into the SiM section because it has a tendency to make me feel inadequate, my 60 - 80 cumulative count for 2013 being a case in point. My new year's resolution should be to stay out of this section

Anyhow the main thing is that you are happy with your sex life, and that your wife is happy too. It all depends on whether a couple have well matched sex drives, me and Hubby do, we are both geared to a couple of times a week, more often when we are on holiday. A couple could be geared to have sex twice a year and would be delighted with that. Both parties could be completely asexual and never have sex, or they could both want sex numerous times a day. So long as they are well matched with their sex drives and desires then everything is super duper. I don't think we should concern ourselves with what other people are up to, and I'm talking to myself here, it doesn't matter


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

RedRose14 said:


> Well Thunder 43 makes nearly once a week which in my book sounds perfectly normal after 20 years of marriage. I really don't like coming into the SiM section because it has a tendency to make me feel inadequate, my 60 - 80 cumulative count for 2013 being a case in point. My new year's resolution should be to stay out of this section
> 
> Anyhow the main thing is that you are happy with your sex life, and that your wife is happy too. It all depends on whether a couple have well matched sex drives, me and Hubby do, we are both geared to a couple of times a week, more often when we are on holiday. A couple could be geared to have sex twice a year and would be delighted with that. Both parties could be completely asexual and never have sex, or they could both want sex numerous times a day. So long as they are well matched with their sex drives and desires then everything is super duper. I don't think we should concern ourselves with what other people are up to, and I'm talking to myself here, it doesn't matter


Yes, it's important they are matched. So even if we see LOW to NO SEX life couples, they could be completely fulfilled and stuffed with bliss as some of us who want sex several times a week to every day. I still think it's good for your body and mind to have sex on a more regular basis even if you don't feel the need.


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

What is "regular" and what is "low"? It varies from person to person. Earlier in this thread Workingonme posted 69 for the year and I think Larry said that this would be something Workingonme should be upset about. Now to me that is not something I would be upset about, but we are all different, for me an average of 1.3333 per week is great, other people would find that completely inadequate and terribly disappointing. It is possible to feel totally satisfied and have an enjoyable, exciting, loving and fulfilling sex life with your partner if you only do the business {shock horror} once or twice a week.


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## loving1 (Aug 5, 2013)

3 on Jan 1st NYE, 0 since! I'm battling a mysterious infection that has me very sick.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

A lot of people apparently having New Years Eve sex. I don't believe I've ever had sex on New Years Eve. Huh ...now that sounds like a good 2015 resolution ... have sex just as we ring in 2015.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Dude it's time to cut the cord on your wife I think. I post a lot about my wife and my marriage on here and it can be pretty disheartening but I think you have it far worse than me based on what I read. And it's been going on for years. 



JustSomeGuyWho said:


> A lot of people apparently having New Years Eve sex. I don't believe I've ever had sex on New Years Eve. Huh ...now that sounds like a good 2015 resolution ... have sex just as we ring in 2015.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Dude it's time to cut the cord on your wife I think. I post a lot about my wife and my marriage on here and it can be pretty disheartening but I think you have it far worse than me based on what I read. And it's been going on for years.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh, I know. It's time. This time last year I wasn't ready to accept it ... not really. I am amazingly at peace with the idea now. There are some practical matters to work out but it will happen in 2014. I do look at my children and have pangs of doubt, concerns and regret but in the end, I think it will all work out ... I will still be there for them and we'll adjust to a new normal. I was only kidding about the 2015 resolution as I doubt I'll be at that place anytime soon ... maybe 2016 . It did strike me as sad that after 21 years of marriage, we've never had NYE sex ... but it's only one item on a long list of sad. Believe it or not, despite my posts about my non-existent sex life, it isn't the most important thing on my mind. I will be busy rebuilding my life and not be seeking out random. When I'm ready then I'll put myself out thereto see if I can find a good match.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> jd08 said:
> 
> 
> > Dude it's time to cut the cord on your wife I think. I post a lot about my wife and my marriage on here and it can be pretty disheartening but I think you have it far worse than me based on what I read. And it's been going on for years.
> ...


Actually the most important thing on my mind is getting ready for 10 more inches of snow and two straight days the temp won't go above zero. I've got a garage full of things I'm storing so tomorrow will be a day of moving that stuff to the basement so I can get the cars in the garage. The high temp on Monday is going to be negative 15 ... cars don't like that.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## sounhappy (Jul 15, 2012)

For me this has to be the saddest thread ever. I actually started a spreadsheet two years ago to keep a count because it's such a sore issue for me. Sex for my wife is like getting the oil changed in the car. She doesn't think about it until the light comes on to signify a problem (that would be me). She reluctantly has the car serviced to prevent a bigger problem. She enjoys getting the car serviced and is glad to have done it but as she's driving off she says to herself "I sure hope I can go a few more miles before I have to do that again!". Total in 2013 - 18. This is an issue I think about ALL the time, and the more it doesn't happen the more I think about it. Anyway, I know this is the wrong place for this post put it hit a nerve.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

sounhappy said:


> For me this has to be the saddest thread ever. I actually started a spreadsheet two years ago to keep a count because it's such a sore issue for me. Sex for my wife is like getting the oil changed in the car. She doesn't think about it until the light comes on to signify a problem (that would be me). She reluctantly has the car serviced to prevent a bigger problem. She enjoys getting the car serviced and is glad to have done it but as she's driving off she says to herself "I sure hope I can go a few more miles before I have to do that again!". Total in 2013 - 18. This is an issue I think about ALL the time, and the more it doesn't happen the more I think about it. Anyway, I know this is the wrong place for this post put it hit a nerve.


Doesn't the saying go something like ... sex is like money, it's only a really big deal when you don't have any.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## sounhappy (Jul 15, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Doesn't the saying go something like ... sex is like money, it's only a really big deal when you don't have any.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


HA! Yes, and how true it is.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

RedRose14 said:


> Well Thunder 43 makes nearly once a week which in my book sounds perfectly normal after 20 years of marriage. I really don't like coming into the SiM section because it has a tendency to make me feel inadequate, my 60 - 80 cumulative count for 2013 being a case in point. My new year's resolution should be to stay out of this section
> 
> Anyhow the main thing is that you are happy with your sex life, and that your wife is happy too. It all depends on whether a couple have well matched sex drives, me and Hubby do, we are both geared to a couple of times a week, more often when we are on holiday. A couple could be geared to have sex twice a year and would be delighted with that. Both parties could be completely asexual and never have sex, or they could both want sex numerous times a day. So long as they are well matched with their sex drives and desires then everything is super duper. I don't think we should concern ourselves with what other people are up to, and I'm talking to myself here, it doesn't matter


I guess she's happy with our sex life. Me, not as much. I'm not looking for 2-3 times a week. My work schedule probably wouldn't allow that. But, I'd be very happy with the 60-80 range. And, you're right about sex 'on holiday' (love that; are you British?). When we're away from home she's quite the sex kitten. Maybe not very adventurous but the frequency is much much higher. When we're home she finds a thousand other things to do rather than come to bed with me. I wish we could afford to go away at least once a month.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Weirdest thing just happened as I headed out the door to pick some things up from the hardware store. She said ... wait ... and then kissed me. Not a passionate kiss but a sensual one. I got a shiver down my spine and my soldier immediately stood at attention. She hasn't even as much as touched me for 5 months let alone kiss me. Don't know what brought that on ... we had just finished family dinner like we always do ... and it doesn't change anything ... but wow, my reaction surprised me and god I miss that. Amazing how little intimacy I have in my life that such a little thing could be so significant.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

JSGW I hope this year brings you some peace, whatever form that takes. 
Maybe there is some hope.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Holland said:


> JSGW I hope this year brings you some peace, whatever form that takes.
> Maybe there is some hope.


Thanks Holland. You know maybe last year I would have seen it as a sign of hope but at this point I don't think I'm going to find hope within the marriage. It isn't going to undo 21 years of rejection and frustration. I am not going to place the blame at her feet as I might have in the past. I've come to accept that we simply have different needs and wants and are unable to meet even halfway. It's sad and unfortunate but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that things will change ... at some point it has to be realized or it is time to move on. You can't keep paying a ball player millions of dollars based on potential ... at some point he will have to produce or you let him go. Our marriage isn't meeting either of our needs and it doesn't matter why at this point ... it is time to concede and move on. I have already found some peace simply getting to that point.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I know exactly what you mean. It is a long hard road ahead but I hope you find that there is a wonderful life at the other side for you.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Thanks Holland. You know maybe last year I would have seen it as a sign of hope but at this point I don't think I'm going to find hope within the marriage. It isn't going to undo 21 years of rejection and frustration. I am not going to place the blame at her feet as I might have in the past. I've come to accept that we simply have different needs and wants and are unable to meet even halfway. It's sad and unfortunate but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that things will change ... at some point it has to be realized or it is time to move on. You can't keep paying a ball player millions of dollars based on potential ... at some point he will have to produce or you let him go. Our marriage isn't meeting either of our needs and it doesn't matter why at this point ... it is time to concede and move on. I have already found some peace simply getting to that point.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_



hey, glad you got to that point too... it takes time, but inner peace is something really precious, especially after years of rejection. Welcome to the club!


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Jaysus I don't know anymore. What did i say last time? Anyway I'm in a drought so it may as well be zero.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Thanks Holland. You know maybe last year I would have seen it as a sign of hope but at this point I don't think I'm going to find hope within the marriage. It isn't going to undo 21 years of rejection and frustration. I am not going to place the blame at her feet as I might have in the past. I've come to accept that we simply have different needs and wants and are unable to meet even halfway. It's sad and unfortunate but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that things will change ... at some point it has to be realized or it is time to move on. You can't keep paying a ball player millions of dollars based on potential ... at some point he will have to produce or you let him go. Our marriage isn't meeting either of our needs and it doesn't matter why at this point ...* it is time to concede and move on. I have already found some peace simply getting to that point*.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


It's funny, when people have asked me how I moved on so seemingly easily and quickly from my 17 year mariage, they just can't seem to understand or believe my answer. They always seem to want to tell me that I have moved way too fast, that I need to take time to process it, time to grieve, get counselling, all that crap. What they don't get is that process started in ernest four years before my marriage was legally ended, and the earliest seeds of the emotional detatchment started six years before that, so I have had years to recover.

By the time we physically seperated, the only thing that hit me was the shock of breaking routines, waking up in a new house, driving a new route to work. Those types of things didn't take long to get over, and into the new routine at all because I could do it all on my own without having to deal with my ex-wife.

Sometimes letting it all go is the best thing to do. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

And now, I have found a woman who respects me, admires me, loves me, shows constant affection, and loves it in return. And on top of it all, she wants to bang the hell out of me every chance she gets 

ETA: We're going to be snowed in the next couple of day with NO kids at home so the totals are going to go up a bit


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks Holland. You know maybe last year I would have seen it as a sign of hope but at this point I don't think I'm going to find hope within the marriage. It isn't going to undo 21 years of rejection and frustration. I am not going to place the blame at her feet as I might have in the past. I've come to accept that we simply have different needs and wants and are unable to meet even halfway. It's sad and unfortunate but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that things will change ... at some point it has to be realized or it is time to move on. You can't keep paying a ball player millions of dollars based on potential ... at some point he will have to produce or you let him go. Our marriage isn't meeting either of our needs and it doesn't matter why at this point ...* it is time to concede and move on. I have already found some peace simply getting to that point*.
> ...


Yes, it has been years of struggle and sometimes people don't understand that ... as if I just woke up one day and said 'meh, not for me' Divorce is not what I wanted. I wanted to fix it.


We've got 4 or 5 inches so far and it's coming down hard. Then it's a deep freeze. When they say 'Don't drive in the snow' my mind somehow tunes out the word 'Don't' 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

I don't have a total for 2013. 2013 was the hardest year of or relationship. There is plenty of blame to be laid at my feet. It's taken a very long time, but I think that we both finally understand where the other is coming from. So I don't know the number for this past year, but I know that the current year will be better. And the only important part of all of it, is that whatever my number is for 2014, I will be happy with it.


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## Mistyfied (Sep 27, 2013)

I have no idea what the count for 2013 is, I don't count. It would be somewhat interesting to know. So far this year: 1. I'm o.k. with whatever happens this year.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Well, our count for this year so far as expected is zero. Last year I took her to Cancun and by this time last year we at least had one ... very bad sex session.

Anyway ... so every year my wife takes the kids down to Texas for a few weeks to visit relatives right around the July 4th holiday. Today she tells me that this year she was thinking about having her relatives come up here for a week around July 4th and she would take the kids down to Texas over Christmas. By relatives I mean her mother, her two sisters and their husbands and 4 nieces and nephews. I have a very good relationship with all of them.

I'm thinking ... that is going to be awkward ... since I personally plan to be in the middle of a divorce at that time.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Well, our count for this year so far as expected is zero. Last year I took her to Cancun and by this time last year we at least had one ... very bad sex session.
> 
> Anyway ... so every year my wife takes the kids down to Texas for a few weeks to visit relatives right around the July 4th holiday. Today she tells me that this year she was thinking about having her relatives come up here for a week around July 4th and she would take the kids down to Texas over Christmas. By relatives I mean her mother, her two sisters and their husbands and 4 nieces and nephews. I have a very good relationship with all of them.
> 
> I'm thinking ... that is going to be awkward ... since I personally plan to be in the middle of a divorce at that time.


We're in the 15-20 neighborhood, but she's been pretty sick for the last week so that's cut down on things a bit.

Your wife may end up rethinking those plans over the 4th if she's already been served, though if you are still working with an attorney and she is unaware of that, that could make for some interesting times, and wen things start moving on the divorce, it'll put that whole visit in a new perspective for her.

I remember looking back on the Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines day right before my then wife suggested separation, and yeah, I should have seen it coming. I wish she'd suggested it earlier, that way I wouldn't have bothered buying her a new van...


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

0 and 0 it will remain.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Maybe 3 in 2014, but only because I've been so sick for almost 3 weeks now. Cold turned to bronchitis and had to go on steroids, plus have had migrianes all week. If I felt better it would be closer to daily.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

3 or 4 this year so far, as age creeps in we seem to be slowing down a little and instead of every two days it is every two to three days now.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We're back to around 10x a week, and currently at 15 or 16 YTD. For the past couple of years it was roughly daily, as she tried to fix some hormone issues that lowered her libido. That's been resolved recently.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

sounhappy said:


> For me this has to be the saddest thread ever. I actually started a spreadsheet two years ago to keep a count because it's such a sore issue for me. Sex for my wife is like getting the oil changed in the car. She doesn't think about it until the light comes on to signify a problem (that would be me). She reluctantly has the car serviced to prevent a bigger problem. She enjoys getting the car serviced and is glad to have done it but as she's driving off she says to herself "I sure hope I can go a few more miles before I have to do that again!". Total in 2013 - 18. This is an issue I think about ALL the time, and the more it doesn't happen the more I think about it. Anyway, I know this is the wrong place for this post put it hit a nerve.


On topic - I'd say we were in the 100 range. I'd probably keep track, but I've already basically been warned that that would be considered bad behavior. 

SH: I was thinking analogies a while back - I like your oil change scenario. I feel mine is more like doing the dishes. It's something we both realize has to get done, and it's not something that gets complained about but neither does she take any joy in getting it done. And she'd rather wash her own dishes than have us do the dishes together.

That's the crappy thing about our number. Prior to reading some of the posts in here, I would say 100 wasn't bad. I can't fathom 500 at this point, although I think at one point early in our relationship we were there. More to the point, I probably COULD have 500 if I demanded it; but it is not worth what I would get (between the guilt trips and the constant comments). Even the hundred feels like I'm forcing another unnecessary chore on her.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Anyway ... so every year my wife takes the kids down to Texas for a few weeks to visit relatives right around the July 4th holiday. Today she tells me that this year she was thinking about having her relatives come up here for a week around July 4th and she would take the kids down to Texas over Christmas. By relatives I mean her mother, her two sisters and their husbands and 4 nieces and nephews. I have a very good relationship with all of them.
> 
> I'm thinking ... that is going to be awkward ... since I personally plan to be in the middle of a divorce at that time.


I'd nix this plan with her right now....without telling her the reason. Simply state you want the kids at home during Christmas holiday with you, and to continue for this year with her July 4th plans as usual.

In addition to it being awkward, Christmas with the kids away with inlaws would be a very sad thing for you, too....


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

10-12 for 2013. Zero thus far in 2014.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> > Anyway ... so every year my wife takes the kids down to Texas for a few weeks to visit relatives right around the July 4th holiday. Today she tells me that this year she was thinking about having her relatives come up here for a week around July 4th and she would take the kids down to Texas over Christmas. By relatives I mean her mother, her two sisters and their husbands and 4 nieces and nephews. I have a very good relationship with all of them.
> ...


Yeah, my thinking too. While I'd like to think I'm tough enough to handle christmas alone, I have no doubt it will test me.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

This came up on my playlist and made me think of 2014

Well I've been afraid of changin'
cause I built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
(and) I'm getting older too ...

Yep, 'bout sums it up. Must be in the stupid sappy song stage


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I always thought that song was about the child growing up and moving out. But I can see how it applies to leaving your spouse too. 

Damn now I'll probably always think of breaking myself free when I hear it too.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Oh and I'm at 2 for 2014 so far. Feeling very disconnected. Slept on the couch last night.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Six so far for the year, and the quality of the encounters has been significantly better as well since my wife's thyroid medication was adjusted. She started her period on 1/1, during which she is not into sex during this time until day 5 or so. I would say that 6 for the year so far is an improvement IMO. Unfortunately I'm traveling for work this week and won't be back until Thurs night/Fri morning. Here's to some great reconnecting sex when I get back on Friday (hopefully)!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I always thought that song was about the child growing up and moving out. But I can see how it applies to leaving your spouse too.
> 
> Damn now I'll probably always think of breaking myself free when I hear it too.


The story goes she wrote it as she was contemplating splitting with Lindsey Buckingham and going back to school while looking out the window of a friends home at the Rockies, equating an avalanche with her life ... hence Landslide ... but I can see how you interpreted it that way.

Probably ruined it for you, sorry.

Funny, I used to think it was so beautifully bittersweet and reflective but I could never relate to it exactly ... now I can.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Oh and I'm at 2 for 2014 so far. Feeling very disconnected. Slept on the couch last night.


I'm sorry to hear that WOM. Is this a short term issue or a bigger problem?


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## Mistyfied (Sep 27, 2013)

Still 1 for 2014.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

13, I think, for 2013. I used to keep records (when and how) but don't anymore. Its funny because the last few times in 2013 were spaced 4+ weeks apart. After the deed she would ask when was the last time and I would respond I don't know. Then she would say "I thought you kept track of it" (which used to really annoy her when I would bring up our real numbers back when we used to go to counseling together, rather than the number she told the counselor.). Then I would reply "no, I don't". It was getting a bit annoying when she would ask me that afterwards every time. Either she thinks I'm lying and am keeping track but not telling her, or she is wondering if I care about sex anymore. 

1 so far for 2014.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I keep a record on my Period Tracker app of every time we have sex or other relation. It's kind of a weird/borderline obsession I guess. 
So my count for the year is awful IMO:
4 PIV/"regular"
2 BJ/HJ for him
Bah . . . 
But it is only the 14th. But that's not a good ratio


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Man, forget this low sex rate for an HD person bullcrap!


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I'm still an ofer too. (0 for 14)


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

So far we are starting off this year better than 2013!


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## wannabe (Sep 29, 2013)

Sometimes, in the farce of a marriage many of us find ourselves in, it's easier and way less taxing on yourself emotionally, to simply not keep score. I've gotten to the point where it doesn't even bother me anymore. It's also embarrassing and sad to think about. Keeping an actual schedule would simply kill me. I can't put an exact number to mine, but from what I do remember is that the last time we had sex was, I think, September. The time before that was July month. Since the July encounter, I remember clearly, trying most days/nights after that to "get lucky" again with no luck. She kept the excuses coming and never used the same excuse 2 times in a row. Anyway, it took me 3 months before she gave in, in September. I've since September tried countless times but with zero luck. She was due to get her contraceptive injection on December 19th, which she obviously forgot about. Asked her on the 21st if she went. She said she forgot but would go the next day. She didn't. Asked her again a few days later if she went, to which she just sighed and said she'll definitely go the following day. I told her not to worry with going. Anyway, a month later and she still hasn't gone. I should read between the lines, shouldn't I!?!?
If I had to guess, I'd say the total tally for 2013 would be 5 or 6.
I still haven't been called out to bat in 2014. 
PS : I'm 33 and wife is 35. 

The first year we met we didn't have any sex for around the first 6 months. When we finally did, we did it EVERY DAY for the rest of that year. More than once a day. Year 2 - 6 of courting was awesome. Multiple times a day. Things got so hectic that I told her we needed to cool down a bit. We cooled down for 2 days and she says that it's unfair of me to withhold sex from her. Said that she's a very sexual person and that if I didn't give it to her she'd be forced to find it somewhere else. 
Wow. Then we got married. She ate the wedding cake and, poof, just like that, her desire for sex dried up. 

2 kids later I'm sitting up at midnight watching them all sleep coz she's once again managed to let the kids fall asleep with her in our bed in the 15 mins its taken me to have a bath. 

Who really needs sex anyway? :-/ 

/vent over

PPS: My cumulative count for 2012 ain't nothing to write home about either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzy is on the boards with a "1". And it was a doozy.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

wannabe said:


> The first year we met we didn't have any sex for around the first 6 months. When we finally did, we did it EVERY DAY for the rest of that year. More than once a day. Year 2 - 6 of courting was awesome. Multiple times a day. Things got so hectic that I told her we needed to cool down a bit. We cooled down for 2 days and she says that it's unfair of me to withhold sex from her.* Said that she's a very sexual person and that if I didn't give it to her she'd be forced to find it somewhere else. *
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This would be a big red flag to me.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My red flag would be the non bold text. Any activity that consumes people to this extent is a red flag.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Still stuck at 6, and doubtful anything changes tomorrow. However, I'm traveling for work and I'm hoping Friday night will be a toe curling experience.


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## wannabe (Sep 29, 2013)

It just amazes me at the level of double standards most of us live with. Obviously I've called her on this BS but the arguments and the logic that follows confuses me. I haven't even attempted anything with her this year at all yet. Not sure if I will attempt anything soon either. 
We agreed around July 2013 that we need counseling. She offered/insisted that she'd set it up with someone she's comfortable with. I was cool with that. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Around September I asked how far she's gotten with setting up an appointment. Her response was that I'm pressuring her again. After a lengthy argument again, , she concluded that she's been very busy AND that if she did make the appointment that I'd just end up "not changing" anyway! WTF!?!? There's very little about me that needs changing. We agreed on this a long time ago when she admitted that the issues lies with her. She "forgets" conveniently that we've had that conversation. So I'm to blame a lot of the time for the state of things. 
When I asked her last week about setting up the appointment again, she said the counselor she'd chosen couldn't see us last week but she's made an appointment, TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, next week. (Yes, you read that right) lol. 
I just smile these things off coz I'm so done with being angry and bitter. Maybe I am a little passive aggressive as someone mentioned in another thread on here somewhere :-/

Anyway, TAM really is a good place to come to for advice and stuff. I've also been on Experience Project and most there seem extremely bitter and not willing to offer real advice except for "Leave".

Best of luck to all here for 2014. Me, personally, am hoping for at least a total tally of 12 for 2014. I'm even embarrassed to give that number. I'd love for that total to be around the 200 mark but... teeny tiny itsy bitsy baby steps I guess. 

***sigh***
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

wannabe said:


> It just amazes me at the level of double standards most of us live with. Obviously I've called her on this BS but the arguments and the logic that follows confuses me. I haven't even attempted anything with her this year at all yet. Not sure if I will attempt anything soon either.
> We agreed around July 2013 that we need counseling. She offered/insisted that she'd set it up with someone she's comfortable with. I was cool with that. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Around September I asked how far she's gotten with setting up an appointment. Her response was that I'm pressuring her again. After a lengthy argument again, , she concluded that she's been very busy AND that if she did make the appointment that I'd just end up "not changing" anyway! WTF!?!? There's very little about me that needs changing. We agreed on this a long time ago when she admitted that the issues lies with her. She "forgets" conveniently that we've had that conversation. So I'm to blame a lot of the time for the state of things.
> When I asked her last week about setting up the appointment again, she said the counselor she'd chosen couldn't see us last week but she's made an appointment, TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, next week. (Yes, you read that right) lol.
> I just smile these things off coz I'm so done with being angry and bitter. Maybe I am a little passive aggressive as someone mentioned in another thread on here somewhere :-/
> ...


Why haven't you made the appointment since she knows the counselor that she's supposedly comfortable with? I'm wondering if that's because you fear she's lying - and you don't want to prove it? 

In the end I suppose action is the only thing that speaks. Talking about it until you are blue in the face will just get you where you are now. It appears, from your telling, that she has no real interest in making this better. You are either satisfied with that, or you should start to consider your other options. 

I've heard the DEPO shot may take away libido for a while...


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## wannabe (Sep 29, 2013)

ET1SSJonota said:


> Why haven't you made the appointment since she knows the counselor that she's supposedly comfortable with? I'm wondering if that's because you fear she's lying - and you don't want to prove it?
> 
> In the end I suppose action is the only thing that speaks. Talking about it until you are blue in the face will just get you where you are now. It appears, from your telling, that she has no real interest in making this better. You are either satisfied with that, or you should start to consider your other options.
> 
> I've heard the DEPO shot may take away libido for a while...


She has kind of; sort of; in her own round about way already admitted that the problem lies with her. So, she feels that she should be the one to seek out help for us since she's to blame. I'll grant her that, as I can imagine that it must be hard to admit to the counselor (who she knows) that she has this issue with sex. :scratchhead: 
I do also fear that she has no interest in fixing this. She hasn't shown any real interest in fixing us in years.
I am not satisfied with the way things are at all. I've been considering my options carefully.

Thanks You for your response. Much appreciate it.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

500 to 600.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Quant said:


> 500 to 600.


That's a pretty impressive count for 21 days into the year :rofl:


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Wannabe,

Have you considered picking forms for divorce and filling them out?

If you cannot up your sex ranking and she is not into you, why stay in a sexless marriage. Better to start D proceedings early on before you resent her to point of hatred and/or indifference. If she loves you and wants to save your marriage she'll work on the problem.

If sex disgusts and/or disinterests her, stop imposing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> That's a pretty impressive count for 21 days into the year :rofl:


He must have had dozens and dozens of 2-5 minute sessions to get to that number so quickly.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

500 in 20 days is 25 a day. Maybe a rabbit with multiple personality disorder and a few different personas could do it


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

I meant 2013,duh.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Zero. If any of you go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City and like to place wagers, if the over/under is five on how many times Charlie has sex this year, take the under. Trust me, you'll get rich beyond your wildest dreams.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Get a divorce. 



ChargingCharlie said:


> Zero. If any of you go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City and like to place wagers, if the over/under is five on how many times Charlie has sex this year, take the under. Trust me, you'll get rich beyond your wildest dreams.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Quant said:


> I meant 2013,duh.



For a moment you had us wondering


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Quant said:


> I meant 2013,duh.


I was going to say...my STBW and I go at it like rabbits, and we're only at around 50 or so for the year...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Zero. If any of you go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City and like to place wagers, if the over/under is five on how many times Charlie has sex this year, take the under. Trust me, you'll get rich beyond your wildest dreams.


Make it a competition - JSGW vs Charlie. Lowest count wins. I'm betting on me. Hey ... if I can't get laid, might as well make some money off the deal


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

We're only counting with our spouse, right? Not Rosie Palm and her five sisters?


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Off the schneid!! One for 14. Not great, but it's a start.


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

For me and my husband in 2013... We average 4x a week but have some really great weeks (that I prefer because I am extrememly HD) and go 7x a week. Either way it is usually multiple times a day, If I had to give a very honest guess would say anywhere between 450-550times in 2013. How many times I actually reached an O....Countless. 
It has been 24 days into the New Year and I went back and counted, we are at 52 times so far. I could not keep up counting throughout the year there is no way.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Here is how our HD sex life keeps going...STBW had her annual gyno appointment yesterday and we had planned on taking the night off because she never really feels like sex after a pap. Well, she ended up not needing a pap and just a pelvic, so we ended up having sex. She sent me a text this morning...I thought last night was wonderful as usual (heart emoticon) Was just glad that you wanted to after I had basically given you permission to take the night off


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Sex stopped back in Nov 2013. It was so rare that zero was the best answer really. Though prior to Nov 2013 there was a couple of weeks where we instigated "parent time". This was usually a 20 minute session. The children handled it well, they understood. However there was only 3 sessions in those 2 weeks. That's right and then it just stopped and has been stopped ever since. No explanation even though I had tried to get answers. I had done exactly what she wanted - not dropped hints or bugged her. Even to the point where she said one night "This is the best I have felt in about 8 years, I really feel we can explore intimacy again...." etc. All because I kept my distance and all for naught.


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## HossLanier (Dec 26, 2013)

2012 TWICE
2013 TWICE
2014 0

but I am the bad guy..


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

HossLanier said:


> 2012 TWICE
> 2013 TWICE
> 2014 0
> 
> but I am the bad guy..


Right. You can't say anything, you are being a "prick"... I feel for you.

Is that how you want to live your life, or looking back when you are close to your deathbead, would you think you where being a coward or too proud to take care of yourself.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

heyheyitschrish said:


> For me and my husband in 2013... We average 4x a week but have some really great weeks (that I prefer because I am extrememly HD) and go 7x a week. Either way it is usually multiple times a day, If I had to give a very honest guess would say anywhere between 450-550times in 2013. How many times I actually reached an O....Countless.
> It has been 24 days into the New Year and I went back and counted, we are at 52 times so far. I could not keep up counting throughout the year there is no way.


That's how I like to live. I imagine it's getting better and better everytime, you guys are at the pinnacle of high's in sex...


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## MisterG (Jan 24, 2014)

Sixteen times so far this year. Woo hoo!

That may be more than my yearly total for 2012 (2013 was a transition year).


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## norway (May 15, 2013)

One for 2013 and that was more than 2012. If you are wondering if we have talked about it, we have. One of my favorite excuses from her is she said "I do not like you like that anymore ".


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

norway said:


> One for 2013 and that was more than 2012. If you are wondering if we have talked about it, we have. One of my favorite excuses from her is she said "I do not like you like that anymore ".


Wow. That's brutal. 'Well, maybe I don't like *being married to you* like that anymore'.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So far this year I am batting 0


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> So far this year I am batting 0


You're not in a relationship either are you? I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there that wouldn't mind helping you with that


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Just realized that today marks two milestones: 1) 6 months since last time and 2) exactly 3 years ago today I spent the first night of a year long separation that was intended to force change in our marriage. I remem. r it clearly because I was alone in a quiet apartment hearing the distant sounds of Super Bowl parties while I contemplated what I had just done. This was after 3.5 years of a no intimacy. We went another 6 months after that before having sex and have only had sex 6 or 7 times since then. 

To this day she still doesn't understand why that is a big deal. She's been told in countless ways but she doesn't 'get it' and frankly I don't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't want to be intimate with me. I know how this is going to go down ... she will reject lack of intimacy as a valid reason and paint me as 'lost' and selfish. 

I also discovered that this week she started injections for diabetes ... which in turn made me realize that if we divorce, she won't have health insurance to cover her very large monthly medical bills. Crap. She HAS to find a job.

Crazy how screwed up my life is. Keep having to remind myself that good things are ahead of me.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I hate these kinds of threads......because marriage hardship can wax and ween......on that note, Dh and I have done the deed every other day......every 2 for 1


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

norway said:


> One for 2013 and that was more than 2012. If you are wondering if we have talked about it, we have. One of my favorite excuses from her is she said "I do not like you like that anymore ".


Sometimes us stubborn men just need to LISTEN to what their saying...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

over20 said:


> I hate these kinds of threads......because marriage hardship can wax and ween......on that note, Dh and I have done the deed every other day......every 2 for 1


Wax and ween? 

I don't know ... our sex life has never 'waxed' ... it has only waned over the years. We have never in our 21 years of marriage had a stretch of 'every other day'. Takes an incredible toll on self-esteem and have had to fight like hell to get it back.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Sometimes us stubborn men just need to LISTEN to what their saying...


Yep. Find out why the hell you are really staying together and then find the key to get the f**k out. I'm still looking for the key. 

Oh by the way - zero since late Oct 2013.

Funny holiday stat. In all the holidays we have had in 18 years, pre & post children, including long weekends, right up to 2 weeks OS last month, we have been intimate maybe twice - definitely once. Definite once was approximately the year 2000. No bull.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Just realized that today marks two milestones: 1) 6 months since last time and 2) exactly 3 years ago today I spent the first night of a year long separation that was intended to force change in our marriage. I remem. r it clearly because I was alone in a quiet apartment hearing the distant sounds of Super Bowl parties while I contemplated what I had just done. This was after 3.5 years of a no intimacy. We went another 6 months after that before having sex and have only had sex 6 or 7 times since then.
> 
> To this day she still doesn't understand why that is a big deal. She's been told in countless ways but she doesn't 'get it' and frankly I don't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't want to be intimate with me. I know how this is going to go down ... she will reject lack of intimacy as a valid reason and paint me as 'lost' and selfish.
> 
> ...


Oops ... counted incorrectly ... 7 months ... like it matters 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> ......
> *
> To this day she still doesn't understand why that is a big deal. She's been told in countless ways but she doesn't 'get it' and frankly I don't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't want to be intimate with me*. I know how this is going to go down ... she will reject lack of intimacy as a valid reason and paint me as 'lost' and selfish.
> 
> ...


Oh I believe most of them "get it" but choose to not do anything about it. Regardless a loving partner should be able to give of themselves even if they don't get what it means to the other to have a fulfilling sex life. It is pure selfishness IMHO.

I don't "get it" how people can eat meat but I have always cooked meat for the man in my life and kids. There are some things in life we do out of pure love and desire to see our loved ones happy.


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