# Men and women..please read n help me



## HOPEFAITH (Oct 27, 2011)

WE have been separated for almost a 3 months now....I had been in a relationship with my husband before the marriage for 6 1/2 years..and then only married for 2 months...I am feeling a little better as time goes by but miss him so much..BUT he has done me wrong which leads to me to ANGER...After marriage, he cheated and hit me..I filed for DIVORCE very quickly...Couple weeks ago, he asked if I can come over and talk to him and we haven't talked in awhile...When I got there, he cried and said he missed me..BUT WOULD NOT COME CLEAN about his infidelity..Basically he said he wants the marriage to work BUT there CONDITIONS..EXCUSE ME?? He said....As long as I don't talk about what had happen (which was his infidelity), NOT TO EVER TOUCH...LOOK..ANSWER his cell phone our marriage would be fine..After all the years how can he come at me like this??? I don't get any type of apology or remorse from him....

He was the one who ****ed this marriage up..hes the one who broke his vows...hes the one who put his hands on me....So why does he try to blame me for the marriage failing?? How can he not take responsibility for his actions??? I JUST CANT DO IT...I cant come back to the marriage under those conditions..I thought, when you get married...THERE ARE NO CONDITIONS..Isint LOVE suppose to be unconditional??? If he calls me his wife, why is he trying to set terms and conditions on me especially if he was the one who has done wrong....AND why the HELL is he calling me at 3am??? Ive learned to be strong enough to not answer or return his calls, i feel the minute I do he will put me down and continue to be a FAT ASS LIAR..

WAS this all fake and fony..Did I really love a LIAR?? If he really wanted this to work, wouldnt someone who was genuine about getting somebody back work on my conditions and terms?? PLEASE KNOCK SOME SENSE into ME...IM loooosing it


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Obviously you both have conditions for your marriage to work so it`s apparently not unconditional.

His conditions are way out of line however and you shouldn`t even consider them.

He`s looking for you to give him a free pass to cheat.

Divorce him and move on.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

tacoma said:


> Obviously you both have conditions for your marriage to work so it`s apparently not unconditional.
> 
> His conditions are way out of line however and you shouldn`t even consider them.
> 
> ...


He's an independent human being. You can't force your beliefs on him - even if he IS dead wrong! You also can't control him.

I agree with Tacoma - the best you can do it would seem is just to walk away...

Sorry...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's sure got nerve, cheating then setting conditions on how he will continue the marriage. No nice names for guys like him, get rid of him ASAP. He clearly intends on continuing to cheat, and somehow thinks you should be ok with it. What an idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

YOU NEED conditions for love to flow healthy in a relationship, it is easy to say we LOVE "unconditionally" when things are beautiful, free flowing respect, and peaceful ness , intimacy filled, but this is NOT what you are describing . He has taken advantage of you, broke his vows, refuses to admit wrong & wants to continue to walk in infidelity or at least the opportunity to commit it -under your nose. 

Even with Unconditional love, it does not mean you have to stay with the man. For the respect of your own happiness and well being, even to not get a veneral disease from this man, until your healthy conditions are met, shut him out of your life, file for divorce, he has trampled on what marraige IS. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ve-unconditional-love-what-does-mean-you.html

.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

tacoma said:


> Obviously you both have conditions for your marriage to work so it`s apparently not unconditional.
> 
> His conditions are way out of line however and you shouldn`t even consider them.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

My WH is doing the same thing. He was abusive, cheated a lot, violated my family's trust in big ways, and we ended up separated. It's been 3 months. We're in different countries. He's so furious that I exposed his behavior (I actually didn't, it emerged independent of my suspicions and evidence) and blaming me for giving up on him and "kicking him out" which I didn't do, just couldn't go with him because of escalating abuse, that he won't talk to me, now. He's expecting that I apologize and move abroad to live with him, where he gives no assurance of changed behavior on his part and only indicates that *I* have to be the one to earn back his trust which might take forever. I have hard evidence of his cheating and other bad behaviors, but he denies, gas-lights, and blame-shifts. Basically, he doesn't want to accept responsibility. Sounds like your guy is the same. On the boards, they talk about 180 and going dark. Try that. Maybe he will care enough to apologize and admit wrong; only then can you try to go to counseling. If he doesn't, though, you're better off getting a divorce. Limbo and hoping that my WH will come around has me so depressed I can't function right. If you strong enough to leave him, just do so.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There is honestly no such thing as "unconditional" love. We're grown-ups and everyone has deal-breakers. My deal breakers include physical abuse and infidelity. He's two for two. Love doesn't exist without respect and trust. Infidelity and physical abuse are extreme examples of disrespect. Infidelity also makes it nearly impossible to trust your partner. The only way I would even consider spending another minute with this clown is that he gets serious counseling for domestic violence and he allows absolutely total access to cell phone, internet passwords, etc. He has proven he can't be trusted with secrecy. Maybe he can earn some trust over time but his actions alone are responsible for your natural distrust. He is in no position to make demands about privacy.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Obviously you both have conditions for your marriage to work so it`s apparently not unconditional.
> 
> His conditions are way out of line however and you shouldn`t even consider them.
> 
> ...


Absolutely agree with this.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

HOPEFAITH said:


> WE have been separated for almost a 3 months now....I had been in a relationship with my husband before the marriage for 6 1/2 years..and then only married for 2 months...I am feeling a little better as time goes by but miss him so much..BUT he has done me wrong which leads to me to ANGER...After marriage, he cheated and hit me..I filed for DIVORCE very quickly...Couple weeks ago, he asked if I can come over and talk to him and we haven't talked in awhile...When I got there, he cried and said he missed me..BUT WOULD NOT COME CLEAN about his infidelity..Basically he said he wants the marriage to work BUT there CONDITIONS..EXCUSE ME?? He said....As long as I don't talk about what had happen (which was his infidelity), NOT TO EVER TOUCH...LOOK..ANSWER his cell phone our marriage would be fine..After all the years how can he come at me like this??? I don't get any type of apology or remorse from him....
> 
> He was the one who ****ed this marriage up..hes the one who broke his vows...hes the one who put his hands on me....So why does he try to blame me for the marriage failing?? How can he not take responsibility for his actions??? I JUST CANT DO IT...I cant come back to the marriage under those conditions..I thought, when you get married...THERE ARE NO CONDITIONS..Isint LOVE suppose to be unconditional??? If he calls me his wife, why is he trying to set terms and conditions on me especially if he was the one who has done wrong....AND why the HELL is he calling me at 3am??? Ive learned to be strong enough to not answer or return his calls, i feel the minute I do he will put me down and continue to be a FAT ASS LIAR..
> 
> WAS this all fake and fony..Did I really love a LIAR?? If he really wanted this to work, wouldnt someone who was genuine about getting somebody back work on my conditions and terms?? PLEASE KNOCK SOME SENSE into ME...IM loooosing it


I think you should focus on the fact that you are realizing NOW that he's a broken person. You are realizing that his demands are ridiculous and you are aware that he is behaving in ways that are harmful to you.

You ask why he's not taking responsibility. It is because he CAN"T take responsibility. He doesn't have the emotional resources to be able to address his problems. Some people don't have the capacity to change for a variety of reasons. You cannot change him. You can only control yourself.

Your husband doesn't want to talk about his infidelity because he can't deal with it. That's tough luck. He doesn't want you to touch or answer his phone because he wants to be able to continue to cheat whenever he wants to. And he wants you to just accept it. This is delusional on his part, but hey, he doesn't sound like a healthy guy to begin with.

Walk away and get some therapy to figure out WHY you spent so much time with a person who is clearly not healthy, respectful, honest, or safe to be around. This is the best thing you can do for yourself.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*Limbo and hoping that my WH will come around has me so depressed I can't function right. *

Limbo and hoping are your choice. YOU can change that.


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