# Performance Anxiety... and tips???



## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

I've never been a "great" in bed. I've always had some issues with not lasting long enough and like most, I've had the occasional inability to get it up. I can't say it never bothered me, but I always seemed to get passed it. I've always worried about my wife when having sex. I've never turned down foreplay (given or received). Actually, I think that it's part of my problem, is worry too much about if it's good enough for her. Sure there is a little of the male ego in there too, but it's mainly about her. Because of her self confidence issues, she has always blamed her self if for some reason I can't get or maintain an erection. Like I said, it's never happened a lot before. I have always struggled with lasting long enough, but getting an erection was a very rare occurrence, though it did happen. 

But for some reason lately, my "performance" anxiety has been in high gear. A few weeks ago, I had one of my issues with maintaining an erection. We were in the foreplay stages. I had done my part and she was doing her part to me. For some reason, it just seemed like something was wrong with her, like she wasn't enjoying it. And this has happened before. And when it does, as soon as I think there is something wrong with her, I am no longer in it, and I lost my erection like I have before.

As always, it bothered her a little bit, I explained what the problem was. It kind of made her feel good that I couldn't enjoy it if she wasn't enjoying it, but it still bothered her a little bit. Well, it ended up that the reason she wasn't enjoying the experience was that she was in the early stages of having a Urinary Tract Infection, which of course meant sex wasn't feeling good at the time....


ANYWAY, I don't know why, but ever since then it's been bothering me and I don't know why. I think about it almost all day every day. She is obviously better now, but my mind is all screwed up over it. Normally, it wouldn't take much for me to start to get an erection. When we lie in bed, I would get an erection if I just rubbed her back and legs which I will do regularly. If I would see her coming out of the shower, I would at least start to get an erection, but nothing. And each time this happens, it starts worrying me more and more and it's driving me nuts. 

And I know it's all in my head. And I have noticed that when I do start getting turned on and I start to get an erection is during situations when having any type of intercourse would be impossible, so there is no pressure. Like we went boating just this last weekend with some friends, and my wife was wearing a bikini and looking really good, and I would start to get hard. But when we came home and were alone and she was wearing her bikini, she looked good, and the rest of my body felt aroused, but nothing was happening downstairs.

I've been working on trying to improve myself sexually for a while now, before this started. I'm still slightly overweight, but have lost 40+ pounds in the last several months. I'm eating foods and taking vitamins that are supposed to naturally increase testosterone. Everything short of actually taking Viagra or Cialis. And for Mark Twain... I've even kind of taken up on his semen retention thing since this happened a few weeks ago. I masturbate regularly, but will rarely ejaculate. I think in the last 14 days, I've ejaculated once (which was an accident), but still hasn't helped my head. 

Anyone got any tips, because this thing is really screwing with me. It's just compounded and compounded and I cant' stop thinking about it. I think about at work, while driving, I have trouble going to sleep thinking about it. 

Thanks in advance.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Almost 2 hours and 40+ vies and nothing? 

Thanks ecouraging.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Thanks for finally responding. 

Honestly, our sex lives haven't been horrible. When we have sex, it's very good for the most part. She is the best partner I've had. She knows what I like, I know what she likes. We do talk about it all the time. 

She's never had a problem pleasing me. It's always been good. And I usually do a very good job at pleasing her (while it lasts). The only issue had been the "time factor" previously. And it's been that way my whole life since my more promiscuous days in high school and college. So it's something that has always bothered me and that has effected our sex life together and have been trying to improve. I do the extra foreplay and stuff like that, which she likes and it works, but that doesn't mean I still don't want to improve. I'm not sure if it's physical problem, mental problem, technique problem or what. It's just always been that way. 

The latest thing is I'm worried if I don't get hard. She has self-confidence and self-image issues, and if on a random night, I can't "perform", she immediately thinks it's because she's not attractive enough and it really get's to her. 

I think part of the deal with me is that she has really been make progress with her issues, and now all of the sudden since it happened last time, I'm so scared and nervous that it will happen again and it will hurt the progress she's made. And I'm getting so scared about not getting hard.... that I can't get hard...

I think though that just typing on here might have helped a little bit last night, because we were spooning in bed and mini-me started to come to life, where he wouldn't the last couple of days. We ended up not having sex (although I wanted to), but just the fact that I reacted and started to get erect made me feel a lot better, but I hope that it will happen when we actually get ready to do the deed.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Almost a full day with a post on sex and no Mark Twain??? Is he still here?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

How is your concentration? Do you find your mind wandering and tagging back on "how am I doing" in your mind somewhere while you are erect and doing well?


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> How is your concentration? Do you find your mind wandering and tagging back on "how am I doing" in your mind somewhere while you are erect and doing well?


That's my problem, my mind doesn't wonder, all it says is "Please stay (or get) hard"


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## kozzy (Jul 2, 2009)

When I was single (and sometimes going long periods without), I always had some anxiety when the opportunity came along to close a deal. To alleviate the pressure somewhat, I'd always try to make sure the girl was taken care of before intercourse began. Be THERE for her, if you will. It took the pressure off my little soldier, which made it easier to perform. You're probably already doing this to some extent, but maybe you just need to stop making intercourse the end-all and be-all of your love life.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

GPR said:


> Almost a full day with a post on sex and no Mark Twain??? Is he still here?


Sorry, been busy. 

I used to have this problem when stressed. Then I found a solution. I wrote about here: Erectile Dysfunction

See the section "A third way", for the solution that worked for me.

BTW, I also answered your other question in the "size" thread too.


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