# Husband wants low pay career change



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

I'm starting to feel like I'm the milk cow in my marriage. I'm not sure my feelings are justified, there's no one I could talk to, so I'm here on this forum. I love my husband and want him to be happy but I'm starting to resent being with him for financial reasons. We began our marriage with me supporting us by the money I saved up throughout college. I was unemployed for about a year and a half with the occasional odd job. My husband eventually found a well paying job and was advancing in his career. I found an entry level job, and then found another which paid well enough. While my husband was advancing in his career his dissatisfaction with his work increased. He was also the "spender" where he'd buy a lot of expensive stuff for himself. I let him do so because I wanted him to be happy. I also was unhappy with my career, so I could not blame him. 

We both wanted to have a family. Initially my husband agreed to starting a family at a specific time. After failing a few times my husband decided that I needed to continue working to pay off his student loan debt in full before trying again. He wanted a career change and paying off the debt would facilitate that. He wanted to become a farmer! The debt was enormous (closer to 100K). By this time, he would not let me get anything expensive for myself (I wish I did while I had the chance earlier in my marriage). Thinking it was financially wise to pay off the debt, I worked another few years. We initially decided that I would quit working during my third trimester. Later he told me I needed to work right up until the time the baby was born so I could save as much money as possible so he could have a career change. I'm a stay at home mom now, which is great, but I'm constantly under pressure to make a full time income with a home based business. But businesses do not get successful overnight. Last night my husband was expressing some resentment about the possibility of having to help me get the business profitable. 

The whole time I was married I did what had to be done so he could be happy, but I'm starting to think that no matter how much money I bring in (or try to bring in) it would never be enough for him. He does not seem to care that I'm trying to be successful for his sake and that it's really difficult to start a business with a baby to care for too. Am I wrong in thinking he has a problem being happy? Anyone have any spouses that seem to always be demanding more and more? Not to mention, he wants to trade his engineering career to becoming a full time farmer. For all practical purposes, whatever business I come up with needs to be able to support our living expenses plus the farming expenses. I feel like I never got to enjoy the fruits of my labor since my salary has always gone to supporting my husbands needs and wants and never anything I wanted. I even offered to go back to work while he stays at home farming and taking care of the kid(s), but won't allow that because "women are supposed to be at home if there are kids to care for". I love my husband and want him to be happy. He's a sweet guy, works hard, and does what he needs to do, but I wonder if there's some deep seated discontentment on his part that he needs to deal with.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Have you posted before under a different name because your story sounds very familiar. Maybe on another forum?

Regardless, tell him if he wants to be a farmer, great! He can do that as soon as you have a profitable business or have secured a decent job working for someone else, have saved all the money for the farm start-up, and 6 months living/business expenses on top of that.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

Hi MJJEAN, I have not posted before. Interesting that someone else had a similar situation. At least I'm not the only one!


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its always tricky when someone wants to follow their dream rather than work the job that pays the most. I don't think that there are simple one-size-fits all answers. 

Putting that aside for the moment though, it sounds like in general he is very selfish with money, and to me that seems like a bigger issue than the job change. 


To the original question. Just some thoughts.

In general I think it is reasonable for someone to stay on the sort of career path that they were on, or that was discussed when a couple marries. So if someone is in law school when they get married, I don't think its reasonable for them do decide that they want to become an artist unless they discuss with their spouse.

OTOH - it is possible for someone to realize that they have chosen the wrong career path. In that case they should make every effort to reduce the impact on their spouse. 

I don't think anyone is required to take the best paying job available - quality of life is very important.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Have you posted before under a different name because your story sounds very familiar. Maybe on another forum?
> 
> Regardless, tell him if he wants to be a farmer, great! He can do that as soon as you have a profitable business or have secured a decent job working for someone else, have saved all the money for the farm start-up, and 6 months living/business expenses on top of that.


There was a thread started last December by @wolfman1969 called “no respect for husband who earns less”.It went on for over seven hundred posts.Basically a woman was married to a high flyer ceo type who went back to college for a few years to “follow his dream”.She had progressed well in her career and when he re-entered the workforce he was earning a fraction of his previous salary.She was losing attraction for him.
The guy in this instance seems to be a leech and will live of his wife’s earnings for the rest of his life if she lets him.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> There was a thread started last December by @wolfman1969 called “no respect for husband who earns less”.It went on for over seven hundred posts.Basically a woman was married to a high flyer ceo type who went back to college for a few years to “follow his dream”.She had progressed well in her career and when he re-entered the workforce he was earning a fraction of his previous salary.She was losing attraction for him.
> The guy in this instance seems to be a leech and will live of his wife’s earnings for the rest of his life if she lets him.


I remember that one. I'm remembering reading a post somewhere (reddit or LS maybe?) where the poster mentioned paying off her husbands student loans and his desire to quit his job and farm. Farming is such a rare choice it stuck out to me, which is why I asked.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Why not just tell him your not comfortable with his career change? That you helped pay off his student loans and you feel resentfull with this decission. 

That if he really wants to farm then he should work overtime or consult to save up the money so he can farm.

He sounds like a cry baby to me. Time for him to buck up ...pun intended!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much land do you have right now? Does your husband currently grow anything? What experience does he have with farming or even growing a serious vegetable garden?


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Does your husband know anything about farming? Has he ever spent any time working at it? What type of farming does he want to do? It's hard work.

Too bad you also had to be responsible to pay off student loans for a degree that will now provide no return.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh yes, umm, hoom.

Farmer...

No.....farm her.
Milk her till her teats get sore.

He has reached your pain threshold.
Those hangin' beauties ain't liking the suckin' they been gettin'.

Stand up for yourself.
Button tight your parka.

Keep them safe, high and dry.
Keep him, on a leash, away from your purse, your savings.

Save for the things you want. Surprise him with your resolve.


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I have my biases, but a man who would try to get his wife to support him so he can find "fulfillment" is not much of a man to me.

Tell this worm to act like a man and take care of his family. He can work toward his dream, but he must take care of the business at hand first. First and foremost, he must make that expensive degree at least pay for itself before tossing it in the trash.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> There was a thread started last December by @wolfman1969 called “no respect for husband who earns less”.It went on for over seven hundred posts.Basically a woman was married to a high flyer ceo type who went back to college for a few years to “follow his dream”.She had progressed well in her career and when he re-entered the workforce he was earning a fraction of his previous salary.She was losing attraction for him.
> The guy in this instance seems to be a leech and will live of his wife’s earnings for the rest of his life if she lets him.



It seems to be a "thing" these days to pursue starting a homestead, or farm, instead of continuing down ones current career path. We're just regular people trying to make ends meet. Neither of us are CEO types. Sometimes I wish my husband had that kind of job before trying to start a homestead since that would mean he had some money saved up to start the farm. It was on me to save up the money to get land. At least my husband recognizes that he cannot expect me to actually do the farm work to start the enterprise while he is still working his full time job. I developed arthritis before we paid off the student loans so I'm no longer cut out for farming. I'll take a look at that other post. What an interesting story.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

I'll just give a general reply. Thanks for your input. I think my pain threshold is getting reached. LOL. But at least my hard work resulted in living in a nice home in a rural setting. My husband realizes that he needs to keep providing for the family until he's profitable in his new career choice, but that means money has to come from somewhere. I think what I may do is see if he'd really like the day in and day out of being a farmer. He has experience gardening, read on the various types of growing, watched videos, etc. I think he would like horticulture/gardening but not sure he'd really enjoy the full homesteading package. He has no experience with livestock or poultry. He has a lower "yuck" tolerance than I do. Not good if you have to deal with poop on a daily basis and butcher chickens. He rarely helps out with the day to day domestic duties like cooking or cleaning. Homesteading is all about day to day routine tasks. Perhaps he needs to go back to school if he really wants to change careers, but then there will be student loans. Since I left my career, I miss some things about it. I'm sure he'd feel the same way about his career if he left it. Every job has it's pros and cons.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Have him sign up to do some volunteering with your local 4H club or Future Farmers of America. He’ll figure out very quickly that the youngsters involved in these programs already know FAR more than he does at farming practices and tending livestock.

He may just change his mind in a hurry after a few weekends plowing fields and slopping hogs...


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Have him sign up to do some volunteering with your local 4H club or Future Farmers of America. He’ll figure out very quickly that the youngsters involved in these programs already know FAR more than he does at farming practices and tending livestock.
> 
> He may just change his mind in a hurry after a few weekends plowing fields and slopping hogs...


Take it from someone who grew up in a farming village. It's hard, expensive work that only pays off if you have a GPS combine, drone to spray crops, and awesome electronics for weather .

The average gentleman farmer has zero chance.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Does your marriage look like this?


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Has the man even successfully managed a garden?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you have already paid about $100,000 in your husband's student loans, then him going back to school and getting more student loans is a horrible idea. There is a point at which more education does not help a person earn a living. 

If he wants to be a farmer, he needs to grow into it slowing. It's an extremely hard 'career' and most people fail badly at it.

It sounds like your husband is someone who will never be happy and is always looking for a way to fix that...perhaps a disgruntled dreamer. 

You might seriously want to consider getting out of this marriage.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

sahtrader said:


> I'll just give a general reply. Thanks for your input. I think my pain threshold is getting reached. LOL. But at least my hard work resulted in living in a nice home in a rural setting. My husband realizes that he needs to keep providing for the family until he's profitable in his new career choice, but that means money has to come from somewhere. I think what I may do is see if he'd really like the day in and day out of being a farmer. *He has experience gardening, read on the various types of growing, watched videos, etc. I think he would like horticulture/gardening but not sure he'd really enjoy the full homesteading package.* _He has no experience with livestock or poultry. He has a lower "yuck" tolerance than I do. Not good if you have to deal with poop on a daily basis and butcher chickens. He rarely helps out with the day to day domestic duties like cooking or cleaning._ Homesteading is all about day to day routine tasks. Perhaps he needs to go back to school if he really wants to change careers, but then there will be student loans. Since I left my career, I miss some things about it. I'm sure he'd feel the same way about his career if he left it. Every job has it's pros and cons.


Hmmm... now unless he starts a hydroponic garden growing weed I see no way this would work lol


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Does he want to farm or homestead?

Maybe he wants to live off the grid and be a preper

Either way its not what you signed up . Or why you paid off his loans.

My advice is to go back to work and start saving some cash for what you want to do.

He had his chance! Now its your turn.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> Does your marriage look like this?
> 
> Funny video. We're not quite like that. I was a hard working girl and helped with the gardening. I even learned how to install fences, sheet rock, etc while being with my husband. I would rather live in the country but not be too involved with the physical labor of farming.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> If you have already paid about $100,000 in your husband's student loans, then him going back to school and getting more student loans is a horrible idea. There is a point at which more education does not help a person earn a living.
> 
> If he wants to be a farmer, he needs to grow into it slowing. It's an extremely hard 'career' and most people fail badly at it.
> 
> ...


Good points. Getting more education is probably not a very good option for us. Starting slowly is a good idea, perhaps he'd see that farming is a net loss career unless it's really large scale. I did a cost analysis of what we'd make selling eggs and it's a net loss endeavor for the small scale farmer. I think there's a bit of a dreamer in him. It's part of why I was attracted to him in the first place. I think he may like the idea of farming but may not enjoy the whole package. Sounds like there's some deep seated issue here he needs to wrestle with before spending big money on farm equipment. Sometimes I wish he would learn to appreciate his career more, because I'm stuck with him. I'm getting tired of hearing his complaining, but I did my share of complaining when I worked too. I realize that it was not so bad now that I'm a stay at home mom.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

If your husband is contemplating buying a franchise, have him watch this:


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Does he have any practical experience with farming?


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> If your husband is contemplating buying a franchise, have him watch this:
> 
> That confirms my suspicions that farming is a "cut throat" business to get into. We'd be competing with large corporations that rely on almost free labor to sell products on the cheap and in huge quantities to justify the huge up front costs of producing it. We'd want to farm on a small scale but the costs to get started would never be offset by the revenue we'd eventually get from it. I think we'd be better off pursuing some other type of business to get into and stay away from the food industry. He has a talent for computer programming and it's also within the realm of my interests. Perhaps we could put our heads together and go down that path instead. If he wants to farm, he could do it as a hobby.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Does he have any practical experience with farming?


He only has experience managing a small vegetable garden. He has a substantial learning curve before producing in large quantities. I suspect that no matter what we do with regards to farming, it will always be a net loss, unless we get really creative. Selling veggies at the farmer's market? That's a lot of time and money investment for selling produce that sells for cheap. Eggs? Again lots of time and money to sell for only $4.5/dzn in my area for pastured chicken eggs. Jams? There's a lot of competition because the cottage food laws are so restrictive about what we could produce without a commercial kitchen. Teas? Well, that's a lot of product for only selling for $3 per box. I suspect a lot of these small farmers are independently wealthy and/or do it as an expensive hobby.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Somehow I'm reminded of





Seriously though from everything I have heard farming is TOUGH. I'm glad that there are people who are happy to do it as a career, but it sounds like a very difficult way to make a living. Unless he grew up on a farm, he may have no idea what it requires.

Its good to follow your dreams - up to a point, but there have to be limits. This sounds like a disaster in the making. 







sahtrader said:


> He only has experience managing a small vegetable garden. He has a substantial learning curve before producing in large quantities. I suspect that no matter what we do with regards to farming, it will always be a net loss, unless we get really creative. Selling veggies at the farmer's market? That's a lot of time and money investment for selling produce that sells for cheap. Eggs? Again lots of time and money to sell for only $4.5/dzn in my area for pastured chicken eggs. Jams? There's a lot of competition because the cottage food laws are so restrictive about what we could produce without a commercial kitchen. Teas? Well, that's a lot of product for only selling for $3 per box. I suspect a lot of these small farmers are independently wealthy and/or do it as an expensive hobby.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sahtrader said:


> Good points. Getting more education is probably not a very good option for us. Starting slowly is a good idea, perhaps he'd see that farming is a net loss career unless it's really large scale. I did a cost analysis of what we'd make selling eggs and it's a net loss endeavor for the small scale farmer. I think there's a bit of a dreamer in him. It's part of why I was attracted to him in the first place. I think he may like the idea of farming but may not enjoy the whole package. Sounds like there's some deep seated issue here he needs to wrestle with before spending big money on farm equipment. Sometimes I wish he would learn to appreciate his career more, because I'm stuck with him. I'm getting tired of hearing his complaining, but I did my share of complaining when I worked too. I realize that it was not so bad now that I'm a stay at home mom.


Does your husband know anyone else who does what he wants to do? 

Is he involved with your local Master Gardener program or any other similar organization. The Master Gardener programs are run in each state by a University.

I'm involved with the Master Gardener program here where I live. Now often these organizations are a lot of old folks piddling around in their garden. But not here. Here are two of our many projects.... We run a 14 acre water wise garden that showcases plants that grow well in the desert and how to minimize water use. We live in the desert. We use it as a teaching garden. 

We run a farm (or garden), the farm uses land that we rent from locals down by the river (Rio Grande). This garden grows and donates about 70,000 pounds*of produce to 17 local food pantries and soup kitchens a year. It take thousands of hours a year of volunteer labor to manage and run this project.

I also grow just about all the vegetables that my family eats. Just wanted to let you know that this is something that I have an interest in and a little bit of knowledge.

One thing that might help your husband here is for him to try something small scale. For example if he goes to local chefs and find out what they want. Often fresh spices and specialty greens are good choices. With this your husband can see if he can produce enough consistently to provide to the chefs at local restaurants. He could sell any left over at the local farmer's market. 

By doing this he can keep his job but start doing what he thinks he wants to do on the side. If you have a local Master Gardener program, he might want to check them out. If they are a viable organization, he could meet a lot of like-minded folks. 

Sometimes, doing something we love on the side helps to make the drudgery of a job more tolerable. 

And if this sort of effort at least pays for itself, you will not be hit so hard financially. But it will give a re-world test case for him to find out if he really wants to do this.

If he wants to throw in a few chickens for eggs to sell at the farmer's market, I don't see the harm in that. And it would give him the task of keeping up with the chicken **** to see if he really wants to run around after a bunch of hens to make a living. >


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

sahtrader said:


> That confirms my suspicions that farming is a "cut throat" business to get into. We'd be competing with large corporations that rely on almost free labor to sell products on the cheap and in huge quantities to justify the huge up front costs of producing it. We'd want to farm on a small scale but the costs to get started would never be offset by the revenue we'd eventually get from it. I think we'd be better off pursuing some other type of business to get into and stay away from the food industry. He has a talent for computer programming and it's also within the realm of my interests. Perhaps we could put our heads together and go down that path instead. If he wants to farm, he could do it as a hobby.


It's not a career choice anyway. He wants his hobby to support the family, but that is not realistic. Hobbies sometimes turn into careers, but not usually. The reason they are hobbies and not careers is that they are fun, but the don't produce enough income to support a family.

Your husband is not being realistic and he wants you to bear the burden of his fanciful ideas. That is not okay. He is putting pressure on you to provide for his whims.

Do you know that it's okay for you to say no and to tell him that you expect him to stop complaining and do his job? All this complaining and discontent is really what the problem is. If you want to be happy, both of you need to learn to be content and to develop the parts of your lives that bring you joy. The development of a positive, loving, uplifting attitude will do all of you a world of good. Instead you two seem to be focused on the negative. What you are focused on is where you are heading.

My recommendation is for the two of you to start working on setting some boundaries and learning the attitude of gratitude. Perhaps you can start by telling your husband daily something that you appreciate about him and by voicing appreciation whenever he does something right. The idea is to encourage him in doing what is right. Let him know that you appreciate the money he is bringing in and you appreciate it when he is doing his part around the house. If he empties the garbage, brings in the mail, anything - thank him and tell him you appreciate his efforts. People tend to move towards the things that make them feel good.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Turns out, farming for a living is actually a complex and difficult business. Farming is rather different from having a garden. A lot of people who want to farm don't seem to really appreciate the truth of that. 

It doesn't really sound like there's much more than a nebulous plan to be "a farmer". What kind of farmer? What does that mean? Does he want to grow vegetables for the farm-to-table market? Does he plan to grow cotton, wheat, corn, or other staple crops for sale and export? Peanut farming? Fruit or nut farming? Livestock? Organic or not? What's his actual plan? And do you have enough land, startup capital, practical knowledge, equipment, farm labor, financing, and customers or supply chain contacts to support whatever it is he's wanting to farm? He needs a concrete business plan, just as he would before starting any new business, in order not to fail miserably - and quickly - at farming. If he's not interested in doing all that, then he needs to get and keep a day job and have a hobby farm on the side.

Also, please make sure that if you're going to go into anything related to livestock - including egg production or even just keeping a few chickens around - that you're really ready for the realities of dealing with the animals. That means that you need to know enough about your animals that you can keep them healthy and medicate them as necessary. And, at some point, you will be required to put an animal down. Most breeds of chickens stop laying eggs by age 2-5 years, but can live much longer. Will you continue to support unproductive hens even though they are costing you money? What happens when your non-laying flock eventually costs more to maintain than your laying hens are producing? If a hen becomes old, ill, injured, what are you going to do about it? Humanely and quickly dispatching an animal isn't for the faint of heart, but it's a part of the real-world livestock process. Is your husband cool with that?


----------



## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> If you want to be happy, both of you need to learn to be content and to develop the parts of your lives that bring you joy. The development of a positive, loving, uplifting attitude will do all of you a world of good. Instead you two seem to be focused on the negative. What you are focused on is where you are heading.
> 
> My recommendation is for the two of you to start working on setting some boundaries and learning the attitude of gratitude. Perhaps you can start by telling your husband daily something that you appreciate about him and by voicing appreciation whenever he does something right. The idea is to encourage him in doing what is right. Let him know that you appreciate the money he is bringing in and you appreciate it when he is doing his part around the house. If he empties the garbage, brings in the mail, anything - thank him and tell him you appreciate his efforts. People tend to move towards the things that make them feel good.


perhaps I will print it out and pin on my wall ) thanks


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

I think there is a gratitude problem we share. I'm starting to realize that we really need to be content with the good things we have and not focus on the negatives. We have a lot of things to be grateful for. I also recognize that there are things that are less than ideal, but that's life. I want to focus on the good things but it seems that my husband is starting to get more resentful that I'm no longer able to fund his ideas as effectively as I did before. Thanks for helping me see that ungratefulness is the real problem in this situation.


----------



## bossanova (Dec 21, 2017)

I read a very disturbing article about how America’s farmers have an extremely high suicide rate, more so than for any other occupation. The main reasons being financial stress and general stress over factors largely out of farmers’ control - crops turning out well. I would urge you to consider this decision very carefully in light of this. Your husband seems like he’s not considering all aspects of his career change. My husband is also an engineer and has thought of other career paths that he feels passionate about, such as clinical psychology, but decided to stay with engineering to support our family and because his salary affords is the lifestyle we desire. Plus I think your husband is really letting you down if you want to be a stay-at-home Mom with a home business by not pulling his weight and putting so much pressure for you to be successful. Have you done marriage and/or financial counseling? 

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news...-farmers-killing-themselves-in-record-numbers


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

Thanks for the heads up about the farmer suicide rate @bossanova. My husband may be blowing off some important considerations with the career change. I mentioned that he may not like the aspect about everything being subject to things not in our control, but he seemed to blow it off. Engineers do not like the unexpected. I worked as an engineer myself and we do all we can to make things go smoothly with few glitches. It's in my nature now to make sure things go smoothly. Being subject to a host of unexpected things will make me pull out all my hair...and my husband already started complaining about stuff being out of control (repair bills being more than he thought, materials costing more, not being able to get things done in time before growing season starts, etc). He just wants to get to the fun stuff with farming (growing the plants, getting the chicken eggs) and farm out the stuff he does not like. Recently he tried to get someone else to haul off a big debris pile we have outside but was upset it cost more than he wanted to pay. But the "unexpected" is more serious than I realized, being a major contributor to stress and suicide, so I should not let him blow it off. We have not had counseling. At one point, I was close to losing my faith, and he suggested we get counsel from the church elders. But I refused since such religious counselors always favor the husband and I felt like he wanted to "fix me" so I can better give him what he wants in life. Sheesh. We have issues, don't we? I guess I'll prepare to say "no" to farming, have the numbers crunched already to show it being non-profitable, refuse to invest our hard earned savings into farm equipment that costs 10K, and have a business plan handy and proceed on the business of my choice, and my daughter and I get first dibs on the profits. And consider counseling (but just not with church elders).


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My personal career wet dream involves being an adventure photographer traveling the world snapping pictures of exotic places while my wife supports my 'dream."

Who cares the economics of it, the hit on the family resources. I mean, it's what I want to do, because, after all, marriage is about what i want as long as someone else pays the price.

Speaking of which, I need to go get the wife to buy me a new Nikon camera set up.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I'm an old country boy who grew up in a farming/dairy community and worked my summers and after schools on a dairy farm. I remember one day, and keep in mind this was a half century ago, a bunch of us were talking about what we would do with a million dollars cash. The owner of the farm said he'd keep his farm going until the money run out.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

VladDracul said:


> I'm an old country boy who grew up in a farming/dairy community and worked my summers and after schools on a dairy farm. I remember one day, and keep in mind this was a half century ago, a bunch of us were talking about what we would do with a million dollars cash. The owner of the farm said he'd keep his farm going until the money run out.


This reminds me of something that a friend who raises horses told me. He raised Arabian show horses.

"Do you now to make a small fortune raising horses?"

"Start with a big fortune."


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

It doesn't sound like your husband really has a solid idea on how to make a living (do his part to support the family) as a farmer. That makes it more a hobby than a profession, and you need to not enable this.

He incurred a large debt ($100k) to get an education. He needs to make that back by working at that profession (or something equally lucrative) long enough to pay back that loan while supporting the family.

If I were you, I'd ask him how he expects to make at least a minimal living at farming. He needs to show how he will start up (make it clear the family is not going to fund him) and pay himself some minimal income while he's in this business. If he can't profit at least $10 an hour reasonably soon after starting up, he needs to do something else. He also needs to pay back that loan.

Most of us have jobs because we need them, not because we are totally enthralled with the work we do. A profession is a means to an end, which means we have to worry about making enough to pay our bills. If he wants to switch gears, it needs to be within a paradigm of responsibility to his family; let him make the money to do that career change.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I was born and raised in a farming community.

I am an engineer now. And I would never consider going back. Every day is a new puzzle. This is fun. It has been a dynamic industry, with new developments around every corner for the last 39 years. I still enjoy it.

It is never boring.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

/


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

Thanks for your input! It looks like I need to "prove up" up some numbers about the potential profitability of farming. I think my husband is starting to see what I see regarding the difficulty of being profitable with farming. Whatever we end up doing we need a business plan to move forward with an idea. True, there is a degree to which we need to make do with what we have. We are both feeling the time crunch since I'm in my early 30s and hubby is in late 30s. If we're going to switch gears we need to do it quickly. But at the same time businesses take years to get established. $10/hr is not a bad price tag btw for quantifying the time investment involved with farming.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

$10/hour is a really low bar for someone with a college education.

I just hired an engineer out of college for $50/hour. (he was really good but still....)




sahtrader said:


> Thanks for your input! It looks like I need to "prove up" up some numbers about the potential profitability of farming. I think my husband is starting to see what I see regarding the difficulty of being profitable with farming. Whatever we end up doing we need a business plan to move forward with an idea. True, there is a degree to which we need to make do with what we have. We are both feeling the time crunch since I'm in my early 30s and hubby is in late 30s. If we're going to switch gears we need to do it quickly. But at the same time businesses take years to get established. $10/hr is not a bad price tag btw for quantifying the time investment involved with farming.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

sahtrader said:


> Thanks for your input! It looks like I need to "prove up" up some numbers about the potential profitability of farming. I think my husband is starting to see what I see regarding the difficulty of being profitable with farming. Whatever we end up doing we need a business plan to move forward with an idea. True, there is a degree to which we need to make do with what we have. We are both feeling the time crunch since I'm in my early 30s and hubby is in late 30s. If we're going to switch gears we need to do it quickly. But at the same time businesses take years to get established. $10/hr is not a bad price tag btw for quantifying the time investment involved with farming.


Business plan is a must. However the saying goes don't ever start a business you cant start without 5 dollars. My brief foray into the ole home computer repair market was a minor success. Not successfull enough to build a career off of but made me some okay side money in college. It literally cost me nothing to start it. In my natural progression from computer hobbies, training, education. I already had the tools to start a business. And so I did and low and behold I actually didn't end up in the whole with my limited offerings as I didn't have to invest into anything new. Then I got a good job and then the side money wasn't worth the time and the business became a pain so I shut it down. 

Same with your husband. 

Start with corn for instance. Grow some corn in the back yard and sell it to the people around you. See how much time and effort goes into it. If he wants to farm. Get a male and female goat. Raise them breed them, learn the painful lessons along the way. Naturally progressing this way takes soooo much pain out of starting a business. It won't make you money but it will cost you a lot less than a failed business.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

$10/hr is a tiny bit compared to an engineering career for sure. We just need enough to cover living and business expenses with some buffer...which is no small feat. I like the idea of naturally progressing into something. We may be better off doing something computer related than farming. We both have some interest in programming/website design.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

uhtred said:


> $10/hour is a really low bar for someone with a college education.


Yes it is - it's also roughly equal to the minimum wage in much of the country. I did it that way on purpose.

It's like saying (nicely) "if you can't profit at least what you'd make working at McDonalds, you need to do something different." I understand that it takes a while to get a business going well. But this guy has responsibilities - school loans and a family (including a wife with her own goals).

My point is that if he can't make that much soon after starting out, he has no business going into farming at this time.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If you have interest / knowledge of programming, that seems like a far better approach. The job market is very good right now and some software / web jobs pay OK and are not all that much work. 





sahtrader said:


> $10/hr is a tiny bit compared to an engineering career for sure. We just need enough to cover living and business expenses with some buffer...which is no small feat. I like the idea of naturally progressing into something. We may be better off doing something computer related than farming. We both have some interest in programming/website design.


----------



## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

I want to let you all know that we decided to hold off on the farming business. Farming has been demoted to a hobby. Husband now sees that it does not have a reasonable chance of success and that we both need to look into another type of business if we want to run our own business. Then come up with a business plan for something we both would like to do and has a reasonable opportunity for profitability. Then build it up over time, and perhaps we would be successful before retirement age! Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions on the matter.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

sahtrader said:


> He was also the "spender" where he'd buy a lot of expensive stuff for himself. I let him do so because I wanted him to be happy.
> 
> By this time, he would not let me get anything expensive for myself (I wish I did while I had the chance earlier in my marriage).
> 
> I'm a stay at home mom now, which is great, but I'm constantly under pressure to make a full time income with a home based business.


I'm curious about this dynamic in your marriage. You 'let' him buy whatever he wanted. He WON'T 'let' you buy what YOU want.

What's up with that?


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

/


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

sahtrader said:


> Farming has been demoted to a hobby. Husband now sees that it does not have a reasonable chance of success and that we both need to look into another type of business if we want to run our own business. Then come up with a business plan for something we both would like to do and has a reasonable opportunity for profitability. Then build it up over time, and perhaps we would be successful before retirement age!


This is a very good and sensible plan. I'm glad your husband has acquired wisdom. I think you two are embarking on a better path for your lives now.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Thread.


----------

