# How to be beautiful/pretty



## Happykat (Mar 29, 2016)

Hi.

My hubby confessed, saying it was a mistake marrying me.
He said he settled down for me.
He thought I was ugly.

And yet he still have sex with me. What

Anyway, how to be pretty? I've been a nerdy geeky gal since teenager, wearing baggy shirts and short hair most of my life. My mom didn't taught me to dress well or feminine.

So how?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Wow - I'm so sorry. What horrible things to say to you! And untrue. We can all improve ourselves in some way or another.

I follow a blog called What Women Never Hear. The author passed away recently, but the blog will be left, and shares amazing wisdom.

If you search for 'mirror time' and/or 'pretty', many, many posts will come up for you. 

Although it's politically correct right now to go on about how no one is a 'snowflake', the truth is, we are. Each of us is unique. 

In all of the history of mankind, there's only one you, and you are the only person who can add to the world in _your_ special way. 

That's wildly astonishing.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Happykat said:


> Hi.
> 
> My hubby confessed, saying it was a mistake marrying me.
> He said he settled down for me.
> ...


I think you are asking the wrong question. 

Perhaps "how was I attracted to a cruel person?", and "how do I get out of this relationship?"


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Happykat said:


> Hi.
> 
> My hubby confessed, saying it was a mistake marrying me.
> He said he settled down for me.
> ...


Your H sounds like an ignorant POS. No-one says things like that even to acquaintances never mind a SO.
I suggest you go and get a makeover by a professional, buy some nice clothes and dress up a little. Then tell him to go F himself and hand him some divorce papers.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Inner strength is beautiful! Practice flipping your husband off and telling him to stick his '"settle" when the sun don't shine while you hand him divorce papers. Prick.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Did you learn how to pack a suitcase?

Grab the essentials and move on.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Happykat said:


> Hi.
> 
> My hubby confessed, saying it was a mistake marrying me.
> He said he settled down for me.
> ...


You find someone who appreciates the beauty that you do have. I am a 5/10 at best on looks and intelligence, high school education with a completely blue collar work history and I landed a gorgeous, independant and intelligent woman. I did that with a great sense of humor, kindness and compassion to people who don't always receive it and a willingness to be honest with people.


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## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

No one needs to put up with that kind of treatment. Give him the good news that he doesn't have to settle anymore and divorce. "Nerdy geeky gal" sounds so cute, you should put that in your dating profile. I am sure many would actually appreciate you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Your H, @Happykat ~ is little more than an arrogant, uneducated, insensitive buffoon!

He needs to feel the pangs of heartfelt loneliness and the resultant isolation that it brings more than his eternally searching for the fairest apple at the fair!

I would much rather have the company of a woman whose beauty was entrenched in her heart and soul, in the empathetic way that she treated and loved people, so much rather than the temporary and beautifully changing that her face and body took on it the due advent of time!

And I can only pray that she would feel the exact same way about me! *


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

kekkek said:


> No one needs to put up with that kind of treatment. Give him the good news that he doesn't have to settle anymore and divorce. "Nerdy geeky gal" sounds so cute, you should put that in your dating profile. I am sure many would actually appreciate you.


LOL and I read "baggy shirts" ,with crossed fingers, as "small boobs" because that is one of my biggest turn ons about my wife.


Happykat, it feels so good to have someone who loves you for who you really are. Life is so different for those who feel that.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Very likely has NOTHING to do with your appearance. No one that cares about appearances marries someone they think is ugly. Just trying to think of the million other reason things that he has ulterior motives in this situation. Your husband either doesn't think much of himself and he's projecting onto you or again, he's got something else up his sleeve. But usually it's the feelings of their own inadequacy. 

There's so many different ways to go about this but for starters;

- Has he said he thought you were ugly before?
- Has he complimented you on being pretty before?
- How is the relationship other than him being a complete ****head for saying stuff like this?

Let's get the root of the issue and then we can make recommendations on improving what you want to improve ... for yourself! Not for his selfish benefit. If he doesn't love you in this state, he doesn't deserve you in any other state. There's a difference between, you are ugly and it would be awesome if you did this hairstyle or I would love it if you painted your nails and then turned it into a positive.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

You can always take his credit card and drop a couple Grand on hair extensions, new clothes, and make up. If he doesn't appreciate it, your new boyfriend will. Personally, I think he's grooming you for abuse. If you were hot enough to marry and have sex with, you probably look fine.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Ms. GP said:


> You can always take his credit card and drop a couple Grand on hair extensions, new clothes, and make up. If he doesn't appreciate it, your new boyfriend will. *Personally, I think he's grooming you for abuse*. If you were hot enough to marry and have sex with, you probably look fine.


This was my thought as well. Classic step 1.


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

Happykat said:


> Hi.
> 
> My hubby confessed, saying it was a mistake marrying me.
> He said he settled down for me.
> ...


Confess to your Husband that you agree.

You thought he was bigger than he is.

And better. Everything is too short.

And yet you still have sex with him.

Nerds rule. Dump the chump.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The next time he wants to have sex, tell him he'll need to put a bag over his head so you can fantasize that you're having sex with a real man. 

Don't put up with this crap! Don't have sex with him, either. What a jerk!


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

When I saw the title of the tread I thought

"believe that you are pretty" - when I THINK I look good, man I turn heads! When I don't believe I am beautiful I tend to be invisible. 

Then I saw it is your husband who said this. The one person who is supposed to love and cherish you. The person you should be able to be vulnerable to. 

Man, what a class A jerk he is. 

How do you be beautiful? By loving yourself. By telling him he HAS NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO YOU LIKE THAT! By not allowing such clear disrespect. By telling him how wrong he is. That he is hurtful and spiteful and a coward of a man.

Honestly, he said something that can never be taken back - this relationship has been forever tarnished. 

You shouldn't be trying to figure out how to please him. He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness.


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## veganmermaid (Jun 17, 2016)

You weren’t put on this earth to be pretty. Your sole purpose or driving mission is not to be physically attractive.

This is a separate issue from the fact that your husband is rude, demeaning, cruel, insensitive, etc.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

He sounds like a jerk. There is noting wrong with wanting to be as attractive as you can be and also wanting to be so for your spouse. But you should find a better spouse.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

To agree with the others: what a jerk.

Why on earth did he marry you if he didn't think you were attractive? 

If this is typical behavior rather than a one-time obnoxious statement, he sounds like a horrible person.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Love. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and this guy is not going to make you happy. Wouldn't you like to spend the rest of your life with someone who loves you for you?

To answer your question...a genuine smile is the most attractive attribute, second confidence and healthy self-esteem. Those people often attract alike types. xx


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Happykat said:


> Hi.
> 
> My hubby confessed, saying it was a mistake marrying me.
> He said he settled down for me.
> ...


I’m sorry your husband said these incredibly insensitive, cruel things to you. It’s damn near impossible to be lady Lazarus after insults like that (ask me how I know!) and resurrect your self-esteem, but I’m wishing you the courage and perseverance to somehow rebuild yourself anew. Not for him, but for you.

In the wise words of Charles Bukowski…”if you have the ability to love, love yourself first, but always be aware of the possibility of total defeat”. Sometimes defeat may be victory in disguise.

I’ve struggled with self-hatred my whole life. I understand how difficult it is to survive the coup de grâce of rejection and insensitive remarks from the one who vowed to love and honor you and somehow find the strength to keep going in the aftermath. It’s devastating and hobbling. 

But! It’s not impossible to surmount and heal. You can find your way back to yourself; it may be a rocky road and it’s okay to stumble and fall along the way. The most important thing is that you keep getting up. 

It’s funny, I’ve worried about my ugliness until it consumed me and then one day I just stopped. I realized that those that I admired the most I did not revere for their physical appearance, but because they were intelligent, talented, brave, altruistic, gifted, artistic, and/or compassionate. A couple of them happened to be easy on the eyes, but that was incidental and not the reason I held them in high regard. They were all beautiful simply by being the wonderfully amazing, unique individuals that they were/are.

So to my mind, to be “beautiful”, you just have to be who you are. Be strong, be true. Radiate your light. Shine! You’re precious, rare, and lovely just as you are. You’re beautiful because you are the only you that will ever be and that’s all you ever have to be. You’re enough. Oh and also because **** him!

Here is a poem by Rumi that always galvanizes me to do what I need to do. I hope it does the same for you.


A Spider Playing in the House

Conventional knowledge is death
to our souls, and it is not really ours.

We must become ignorant
of what we have been taught,
and be, instead, bewildered.

Run from what is profitable and comfortable.
If you drink those liqueurs, you will spill
the springwater of your real life.

Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.

I have tried prudent planning
long enough. From now
on, I will be mad.

~ Rumi


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

How to be beautiful? Find someone who loves you and you will be beautiful to them as long as you live.


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## JesseLee (Jun 7, 2018)

A man who loves you thinks you are beautiful. A man who doesn’t love you would say that. Ask yourself if you want to be in a one sided marriage. If that is not what you want? Divorce him and move on.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

@Happykat

Everyone here is spot on that this man is behaving in a most reprehensible manner. IMO, he's already abusing you... badly. 

Your question is really a side show to much bigger issues here, none of which you should need to put up with.

That said, I will try to offer a simple, direct answer to your basic question. For many men, the single biggest key to attractiveness is not no much how you look as it is how you carry yourself. Even a plain face and figure can be striking when the woman inside it owns it and carries it with confidence. A woman who knows herself and projects confidence in general can be a real magnet. It's as though men can sense that that confidence will pay dividends in a relationship, including the physical aspect. 

Nice hair and makeup are good, but when paired with the projection of confidence and dignity, well, that's a killer combination. 

So here's what you need to do. It's very simple in concept, but I understand rather difficult in practice, especially if you're not predisposed in that area, and made even more difficult by your husband's hurtful statements. 

1. First and foremost, know, and I mean really know, fully internalize that in your relationship, only one person is lacking and it ain't you. Your husband's statements are complete bull**** coming from a person who lacks confidence himself or who hates himself, probably both, and who has other deep seated insecurities and character flaws. 

Once you fully understand and realize #1 above, you can:

2. Know that you are awesome in your own right. You can carry yourself with that dignity that exudes not only confidence, but also beauty. You sill sit and stand with a powerful, upright posture, you will walk a purpose, and you will turn heads in the process. This has nothing to do with having a face like Natalie Portman or a body like Sofia Vergara. It's all about you knowing that your whole person is a magnificent example of a human being, made even more powerful by the fact that you have simply chosen to believe that and demonstrate it in every step you take. 

The central, pivoting factor of all this is that you must know and feel all this in spite of the bull**** message you are receiving from a damaged man who clearly does not love, or even care for you. Do not let him control, or even influence your thoughts. Do not let anything he says or does affect your self esteem. _ In fact, realize that reality is quite the opposite. _ He is so screwed up that anything he says is the opposite of reality. 

Dress yourself up and go out into the world with your head held high. Prove him wrong--not for him and not even for your marriage, *but for yourself!*

And by the way, if I may be a little blunt and tactless myself, nerd chicks can be hot!


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## SCMan (Jun 10, 2018)

I am blown away that he said
that to you. No matter what you look like everyone has different tastes and someone thinks you are perfect. Hell with that guy


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You are beautiful, already. You just married the wrong guy. You can fix that, thankfully.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> The next time he wants to have sex, tell him he'll need to put a bag over his head so you can fantasize that you're having sex with a real man.
> 
> Don't put up with this crap! Don't have sex with him, either. What a jerk!


And make the bag has a picture of Rodney Dangerfield on it. Wonder how he will feel when you think that even RD is more attractive than he is.


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