# Post-divorce recurring dream



## ddreamer (Feb 10, 2016)

Hi all. Just posting this wondering if anyone can interpret this recurring dream I keep having.

Some background. I've been divorced/separated for over two years now. I was married for 10 years with my ex. The biggest issue (IMO) was the fact that she was emotionally, verbally and at times physically abusive and the relationship devolved into more of a parent-child relationship (where I assumed responsibility for everything, while she acted in a consistently dysfunctional fashion) than a marriage.

I have not been in a relationship since my divorce (tried some dating, but got a bit sick of it) but, to be honest, this is possibly the happiest I've ever been in my life with the freedom to discover myself and to be who I think I was meant to be in this world (rather than someone else's vision for who they want me to be).

So, anyway, lately I keep having this dream where I'm still married to my ex. We are not really bickering in the dream, just going about our normal lives. And in the dream, I'm always feeling depressed thinking, "I hate being married to her. Why did I give her another chance when I had already left? How do I go through the whole process of leaving this marriage again?" And when I wake up, I feel relieved that it really is over.

What do you think this dream means?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I am not a dream expert, but just a regular person. Your dream seems pretty clear cut to me, though. It means that you are glad you left her, and had you not, you would have regretted it while remaining married.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

I think if you're still thinking about someone, even just in your dreams, there's a reason. More than likely something is bothering you, although it's impossible for anyone other than you to say what it could be. Ask yourself some questions, and be as honest with yourself as you can about the answers:

Do you still love her? (This doesn't mean you need to do anything about those feelings: It's okay to still love someone and know you can't be with them. But it's also good to acknowledge your feelings and come to terms with them for your own benefit)

Do you hate her? (This needs to be dealt with just as much! Holding on to hate for someone gets people in all kinds of trouble, and nobody is really out of your life until you can accept the part they played in your life and that it's over and things are okay now)

Do you feel guilty about something? (Perhaps you feel like you were more at fault for some things than you let on. If so, whether it's true or not, it's good to deal with those feelings.)

Personally I would really examine where your head and your heart are at in regards to her, and acknowledge whatever the residual feelings are that you might be having. Perhaps don't try and do anything about them for right now, but just say to yourself "I feel this and that's fine." 

It's worked for me. But, I don't expect that everyone is like me so, you know, grain of salt and all that.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

IMFarAboveRubies said:


> I am not a dream expert, but just a regular person. Your dream seems pretty clear cut to me, though. It means that you are glad you left her, and had you not, you would have regretted it while remaining married.


I agree.

I have a VERY active dream life and dream about all sorts of things. 

During the first part of my relationship failure, I had a lot of dreams that we were happily together, and I'd wake up upset at all of the hurt and drama actually going on in my life. That was when we were still living in the same house while I was waiting to move out.

After I moved out and started the healing process, I'd have horrible dreams that we were still together and I didn't want to be at all. I'd be relieved when I woke up.

The shift in my dreams was very interesting to me.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I would guess it's one of those anxiety dreams, kind of the same as dreaming you're back in high school and can't find your locker. Something in your life triggers anxiety and your brain pulls up some painful or worrisome memories and mixes it with other random crap and creates a dream to bum you out. It could simply be that your life is so much better now that a little spark of memory of an awful marriage is all it takes to trigger an anxiety dream. 

I've had a few of those dreams of being back with my ex, I'm depressed during the dream and I wake up seriously sad, truly emotionally depleted. The best medicine is to first reach over and make sure your ex isn't on the other side of the bed then jump out of bed and cheer to the heavens that it was only a dream!


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