# Husband wants to control my child support...



## divorcedrama2 (Mar 10, 2016)

i need some guidance. I’m fearing that I am being brainwashed a bit by my husband.

So, I have been divorced for 2 years. Because of a hiccup in the legal fight for custody of my daughter - neither my ex or I have been paying child support. 

But my daughter has been living 80 percent of the time (because of my work travel) with my ex. I want her stable and happy. He’s a good dad.

Well recently the legal fight has come up again and I have remarried. My new husband is extremely hateful toward my ex for putting me through this. But he is also cheap. 

My ex is asking for back child support in addition to raising my future payment about to the state required. (No bargains etc)

That’s 1200 a month. My new husband is absolutely resisting and saying we are NOT paying back child support and we are going full throttle to fight my ex. He doesn’t understand why I feel I should pay anything.

Well, because of my new husband, I haven’t paid **** to my ex. Maybe a few hundred here or there (behind my husband’s back because he is against any payment that isn’t court ordered) 

Am I wrong for feeling as if I should pay what he’s owed? I make good money and my new husband says i’m taking my ex’s side. I’m not — I just know he’s struggling financially. 

What do you think?


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

I think you need a lawyer pronto.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
You need to pay what is legally owed. Whatever individuals may feel, and those feelings differ, we can only have a functional society if everyone follows the law.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You owe the child support, I'm surprised the court has not ordered it. Your H can only brainwash you if you allow it since you seem quite aware of what is right and wrong here.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I think by paying behind your current husbands back...you are bringing trouble to your marriage as well.


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## divorcedrama2 (Mar 10, 2016)

I have a lawyer. She hates my husband and says she will not be guided by him. That this is between me and my ex and she's not taking guidance from him. 

My question is...am I wrong for wanting to provide the adequate child support? I don't want to be unfair to my husband but I think he is wrong here....


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## divorcedrama2 (Mar 10, 2016)

How does a mother avoid helping her son and ex who are struggling when I'm driving a range rover??? I just feel wrong

I moved away from my daughter for my new husband and I haven't paid more than a few hundred...when the state says I should have been paying 1200 a month.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

divorcedrama2 said:


> I have a lawyer. She hates my husband and says she will not be guided by him. That this is between me and my ex and she's not taking guidance from him.
> 
> My question is...am I wrong for wanting to provide the adequate child support? I don't want to be unfair to my husband but I think he is wrong here....


No, you're not wrong. You're being a good mother and a good ex-wife.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Wait, you have a lawyer and your lawyer hates your husband and say she will not be guided by him?

What does you lawyer tell you to do?


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## divorcedrama2 (Mar 10, 2016)

my lawyer heard confidentially the problems i have had with my husband (that he won’t pay child support or even extra curricular fees for child)

She is very concerned about my safety because he won’t even feel comfortable with me providing basic stuff for my daughter and controlling money. 

She thinks I should consider leaving my husband to save my rights to my daughter.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Sounds like Weirdo567 is back.


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## divorcedrama2 (Mar 10, 2016)

Weirdo? I don't understand..


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Why are you with your new husband? He sounds terrible.

If the genders were reversed people would have told you from the first post to pay what you are legally and are morally obligated to pay your child. Period end of story. 

If you do not have the means to pay, then you need to revisit the court. Otherwise, get out your checkbook.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I've said it before I'll say it again. I will never understand moving far away from a child just for a piece of a$$
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

divorcedrama2 said:


> How does a mother avoid helping her *son* and ex who are struggling when I'm driving a range rover??? I just feel wrong
> 
> I moved away from my *daughter* for my new husband and I haven't paid more than a few hundred...when the state says I should have been paying 1200 a month.



Which is it son or daughter?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

divorcedrama2 said:


> How does a mother avoid helping her son and ex who are struggling when I'm driving a range rover??? I just feel wrong
> 
> I moved away from my daughter for my new husband and I haven't paid more than a few hundred...when the state says I should have been paying 1200 a month.


Yes here you say daughter and son.

Explain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> Which is it son or daughter?


Weirdo likes to flip genders in her posts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Your attorney said she will not be guided by your current husband? Really?
And your attorney advised you to leave your current husband? Really?

And the ex is going to claim retroactive child support without an existing order? Really?

color me skeptical


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I won't even ask who Weirdo is. Must have missed her first time around.

Perhaps we will get an answer when she is back from her drive out in her Range Rover
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Pluto2 said:


> Your attorney said she will not be guided by your current husband? Really?
> And your attorney advised you to leave your current husband? Really?
> 
> And the ex is going to claim retroactive child support without an existing order? Really?
> ...


I'm pretty sure OP is just trolling, but just to clarify, in my home state it is possible to have retroactive child support enforced, even if there was no previous order. It can bury a parent in thousands of dollars of debt. I've seen it happen with alimony too. 

It's one of many reasons I think we should just abolish CS as it is.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I won't even ask who Weirdo is. Must have missed her first time around.
> 
> Perhaps we will get an answer when she is back from her drive out in her Range Rover
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




She has had so many incarnations that @EleGirl gave up trying to ban. She asked her to stick to one identity but I guess that is just too much to ask. Lenzi asked for that but hasn't been able to get a Mod to agree to it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This is what I mean about the huge double standard in our society today that overwhelmingly favors women in a divorce and custody arragements. If the OP were a man, she would be in jail by now. When women owe an man child support, it's not a big deal, but when men owe women child support, they can't get a job, can't get a mortgage, can't get a license for their car and the list goes on and on and in many cases men go to jail for non-payment of child support.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

until there's an order, she owes nothing.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

divorcedrama2 said:


> I moved away from my daughter for my new husband and I haven't paid more than a few hundred...when the state says I should have been paying 1200 a month.


 @Pluto2 according to this the state says she should be paying 1200 a month. She made the baby. She should be paying up to 50 percent of her child's care. 

Anyway, who knows this thread is all over to place and half of what she posts makes zero sense.

Unless you mean until there is an order to pay retroactively then she shouldn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

divorcedrama2 said:


> I have a lawyer. She hates my husband and says she will not be guided by him. That this is between me and my ex and she's not taking guidance from him.
> 
> My question is...am I wrong for wanting to provide the adequate child support? I don't want to be unfair to my husband but I think he is wrong here....


Your new husband doesn't believe that you should pay child support that you owe?

For your new husband you need* this!*


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Pluto2 said:


> until there's an order, she owes nothing.


You can't be serious??? She's a mother! She's obligated to contribute to her child's upbringing!

Of course this is Weirdo so we know this thread is bs anyway.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> This is what I mean about the huge double standard in our society today that overwhelmingly favors women in a divorce and custody arragements. If the OP were a man, she would be in jail by now. When women owe an man child support, it's not a big deal, but when men owe women child support, they can't get a job, can't get a mortgage, can't get a license for their car and the list goes on and on and in many cases men go to jail for non-payment of child support.





frusdil said:


> You can't be serious??? She's a mother! She's obligated to contribute to her child's upbringing!
> 
> Of course this is Weirdo so we know this thread is bs anyway.


She has a moral obligation to support her child, but until there's a court order none of the cs enforcement methods can be employed against her. No gender double standard here even if it is a real post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jb02157 said:


> This is what I mean about the huge double standard in our society today that overwhelmingly favors women in a divorce and custody arragements. If the OP were a man, she would be in jail by now. When women owe an man child support, it's not a big deal, but when men owe women child support, they can't get a job, can't get a mortgage, can't get a license for their car and the list goes on and on and in many cases men go to jail for non-payment of child support.


The laws apply equally to both men and women.

The OP has a child support order that she has ignored. Just like a woman who is shorted child support has to take the non-paying parent to court.

OP is going to end up in jail if she does not start paying what she owes. The judge is not going to take it well with her saying "but my mean husband will not let me pay child support".

The OP is a full grown, mature woman who has legal responsibilities to her son. She's not a victim of her abusive husband. She's a game playing drama queen. If she were not, she would have left her current husband months ago. Shoot...she would have dumped him long before marrying him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

divorcedrama2 said:


> Weirdo? I don't understand..


You are the user Weirdo567.... with about 60 accounts here on TAM. You continue to make a new account with each thread that you create.

You are not a victim. Why? Because you have the means to leave this nut case you are married to. The court is not going to see you as a victim. If you do not pay the child support you can go to jail. Note that will be YOU going to jail not your husband. 

Your game is getting very tiresome. Please leave us alone here on TAM,. Got get some serious thereapy because you need it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Have the court set up a garnishment on your wages for the support and the back support, including taking some of your income tax return (if any). Problem solved. Well, one problem, anyhow. You will soon see how much your H loves you when you don't have as much take-home pay and he can't bully you into avoiding legal obligations. On the other hand, when you're working 2 or 3 jobs to make him happy you'll be spending less and less time away from him...and you may find you like being able to make your own decisions. Honestly, he is encouraging you to break the law, but when push comes to shove, you'll be the one to lose your license, and maybe be jailed for contempt. Telling your attorney doesn't absolve you from responsibility from a court order. 

So you moved away from your daughter for a husband. It's not too late to change your mind and all those decisions.


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