# Please help I need female advice



## Blisters (Jun 11, 2010)

Please help me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I love my wife so much. Not one day goes by where I don't think about her. I give and provide so much. I'll keep it short. I earn just shy of 2 grand a week with 2 company cars. All expences paid. 2 years ago i/we renovated our 40 square beautiful modern home to suit my beautiful wife. I have no home loans or any debts. We have the most Beautiful little 13 month old little girl. My wife and my baby girl are my life. BUT my wife treats me like a piece of ****. She has no respect for me or what I do and provide for my little family. She runs me down and always makes me feel like ****. Why? I can't keep doing this I have tried everything I do all th cooking most of the cleaning and it's pretty much 50 - 50 with our daughter. I don't go out because she makes me feel guilty everytime I do. She is always comng home with new nails new hair new clothes etc etc. I don't say anything because of the old saying happy wife happy life. But I have a happy wife and I have a ****ed up life. PLEASE HELP ME. Am I giving too much or is my wife being selfish?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spartan (Jun 8, 2010)

hey blisters-

I was in the same boat not too long ago until I came across this blog by one of our posters here and quite frankly CHANGED MY LIFE.

Married Man Sex Life: A Little More On Alpha and Beta Male Traits

You are enabling these types of behaviors in your wife and quite frankly need to make this pattern stop.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why should she respect you? You don't respect yourself.

First off, STOP DOING EVERYTHING. Women grow to hate their husbands for doing everything. Make it an equal split. She has to respect you, and if you keep doing everything you look like a doormat; women hate doormats.

Get a poster board, and sit down and write down all the things that have to be done around the house. Tell her you need her to choose half of the chores, and you will take the other half.

If she refuses, then start pulling back what you DO and what you GIVE her. Tell her WHY.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

first off, stop trying to buy her happiness. Realize that she needs to be greatful she has you. Realize that you could get another wife if she left. Then follow the first two posts.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

disclaimer: if everything I've say makes no sense to you or doesn't fit your situation, just ignore me! 

Men (in particular) need to stop thinking that $$ equates to love. Every time a guy writes about how much he loves his wife, it involves $$ spent on her/the family. Sorry, I don't mean to blast you specifically, OP. You are just making the same mistake of many. You assume women are swayed by $$ and when you don't see the results you expect, you are puzzled/distressed. 

I do not care how much $$ you spend on your wife/family, nor does she--deep down. If you share everything with your wife--dreams, hopes, fears, DECISIONS (and I mean, really shared, as in YOU don't get the final say b/c it is 'your money' and you are not "doing it for her,"), etc., etc., you probably would not be in this position. 

Sharing includes housework (as others have said) and all other aspects of your life together. You take on too much in one direction (housework, for example) and probably don't share enough in others (making all the decisions about money, or reserving the "right" to have final say, whether you realize it or not).

Too often, men assume that because they earn the $$, they get the "final say," and yet because THEY think their decisions are about her/the family, they think SHE ought to appreciate it. WHY? SHE is 50% of the marriage, and any $$ you earn is equally hers. You treat her like she should somehow be the grateful recipient of all your "gifts," instead of treating her like an equal life partner. 

She is not your "princess," your child, your responsibility. She is your wife. Cherish her--which means respecting her enough to treat her 100% like an adult, fully equal in all decisions. If the two of you disagree, you agree as a couple on how the final decision will be made--flip a coin, take turns, etc. Her opinion/judgment must matter as much as yours, otherwise you are treating her like a child, or worse.

The whole alpha male thing is fine as long as you realize she has alpha/beta traits too. No healthy adult woman wants to be treated like a child, deferring to her "man" on everything just b/c he is the man. You must demand respect, but you must GIVE IT too. And don't mistake treating her respectfully with kow-towing to her every whim. 

Start scrutinizing your own behavior for ways in which you "protect" her from adult responsibilities. Start letting her know you value her opinion so much more than you've let on. Ask her what she really thinks about how much you work/earn, and whether, in her judgment, the sacrifices the family makes to support your earning power are worth it (time she and the baby don't get to see you, for example). Ask her if she would enjoy a family life built less on "stuff" and more on quality time and life experiences shared. It's just a way to get the conversation going, but could be very revealing. Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Boy, can I relate to that! That's my DH to a T! Buy, buy, buy, but never listen to me. For our 30th anniversary, he asked me what I wanted. Anything I wanted, he would get (forget about the $80,000 in debt he has and has no more credit cards to buy anything with). I told him all I wanted was for him to help me get the house organized. He said sure. 

A month goes by, he hasn't touched a thing. Mothers Day: What do you want? Me: Here's a list of things you can do around the house. He spends 1 hour organizing the kitchen pantry and quits.

I can barely tolerate being in the same house because of this. We'll never be out of debt because of him, and he ignores everything that matters to me.

btw, I have now taken over paying bills, once I found out what his bills WERE, after 28 years!


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## dsfg_lover_001 (Jul 4, 2010)

Well I understand how you feel,you need to talk to her and make you own mind.Why want to be with someone is not appreciated to you about what have you done for her.Anyway,thanks for sharing.


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