# I internet has ruined too many peoples marriages!!!



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

I mine is one, My wife is constantly on Fb & last year had a internet affair,with some loser I did not find out till his wife contacted me I was devastated worked things out till a few weeks ago now she says shes not in love with me anymore after 14 years of marriage & 3 children.Ive tried eevrything given her everything possible I work so hard to keep her in a $400,000 dollars house while she stays home, but gotta spend hours in the day on the internet,& gets mad at me if I get suspicious about the time shes spending on it! want to go to marriage counciling but she refuses Im a total wreck!!!!!! she thinks this is a joke Im gonna lose everything,I get home from work & play with my kids tuck them in everynight.I went from being her great husband who works so hard & in love to nothing in a month!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I would say workaholism ruins marriage more then stuff like the internet, but that's just me. External issues don't break marriages/relationships, internal ones do.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If you have a $400,000 dallor house & she is able to stay home, my guess is you are a workaholic, not home much, you felt working hard, bringing in alot of $$, having no need of anything is the answer to a successful marraige & life ? 

How much time did you set aside & spend with her personally every day? Did you ever feel she was craving more of your time? Maybe I am way off base of coarse & you are a wonderful attentive husband in every way. 

All I know is -for some women, they NEED alot of personal time & attention, they need this over "things" and the expensive house, roses & diamonds. 

I will never forget reading this one man's story - he was that Workaholic, he built a life he was happy with, and he felt any woman would also be, his wife had everything. BUT she was LONELY - unbeknownst to him, she started an affair with the neighbor, this went on for over 10 long years! When this man found out about it, after much soul searching & a truckload of understanding -he forgave her ! She shaked uncontrollably when she felt he would leave her, it was never that she didn't love him but she NEEDED more. Many on this forum chewed him out for this forgiving (story here http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/8698-how-we-overcame-adultery.html) -only because he realized his hand in NOT BEING THERE for her, sometimes he was gone for weeks at a time successfully building his business. 

Just some thoughts ----IF this sounds a little like YOUR situation at home. If not, nothing I just said has any relevance of coarse, as other issues are at hand.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

A lot of people want to blame the Internet, Facebook, the dating sites... But all they do is make it easier for someone to cheat. They don't encourage that person to cheat, they don't whisper in their ear late at night that they should have an affair... If your spouse wants to cheat, they'll find a way. 

C


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

The internet is not responsible for the failure of a marriage. The internet is nothing more than a tool. A hammer is not responsible for you bashing your thumb with it; you are, for not paying attention or not knowing how to use it right. Same with the internet; it is not responsible for someone having an affair, it is simply a tool that someone misused. 

With that much said, I also agree that it sounds like you're a workaholic, and that is probably somewhat responsible for her doing what she did. Material possessions mean nothing. My boyfriend bought me a $700 camera for Christmas; I love it, but given the choice between that and time with him, I'd choose time with him in a heartbeat. The camera doesn't mean nearly as much to me as he does. Nice house, car, the ability to stay at home with the kids, those are all great things but they lose all their meaning and value if the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with is never there, or almost never there. My boyfriend's job takes him away from home most of the time; the only reason it works is because I know that he misses me and would be home with me if he could be. If your wife doesn't even have that to hold on to...what does she have besides a bunch of material possessions that anyone with some ambition and a good career could provide?


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Nope not a workaholic home everyday by 5pm! do dishes take care of kids always try to make a date,shes seems resentful that she never had a career & went to school ive always spoiled her,she gets mad when I say its a tough world out there how are you going to make it?,you dont have to prove yourself,Ill take care of it I think Ive spoiled her too much . always in the computer shes downstairs right now with her face in it ! was having a movie night once or twice a week cuddle on couch but gotta check Fb before bed wtf!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You might like this post Greg. Married Man Sex Life: Stray At Home Mom

Most women at home basically go bat**** crazy from boredom. SAHM having an affair is fairly _predictable_ unless they are clearly active and busy doing something. The fact that you do everything for them is in part an explanation of why things turn out as they do. It doesn't justify the affair of course, just explains it.

You may want to read around the rest of my blog too. I suspect you could gain from the Alpha traits I discuss.

Good luck.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

To me it's the same as anything, net, food, alchohol, drugs, porn, video games, television, I could go on & on... It's all an escape... It's that some escapes could lead to poor decisions... And those decisions are just reflections of what the escape is... Using the net and falling into affairs could be the result of escaping the relationship... There is or was something between the two of you she is or was trying to run from... 

Not meaning to be harsh... But if you put her in a 400g home... You prob control most if not all the finance... Turn off the Internet, don't pay the bill... Lure her to conversate in the real world...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Greg,

Atholk is on it. Much wisdom in his blog and experience.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Many of those ideas echoed on this link.

I strongly encourage you to read these links from beginning to end. You are not alone.

Yet, you will admit (I'm sure) that you are not currently the man she fell in love with. Work on your own attractiveness. Get back to being that man.

Many here can help - and we do care.

The Men's Clubhouse is filled with people in the midst of this very same journey. Kick it around with us - and welcome.

I wish you well.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> Nope not a workaholic home everyday by 5pm! do dishes take care of kids always try to make a date,shes seems resentful that she never had a career & went to school ive always spoiled her,she gets mad when I say its a tough world out there how are you going to make it?,you dont have to prove yourself,Ill take care of it I think Ive spoiled her too much . always in the computer shes downstairs right now with her face in it ! was having a movie night once or twice a week cuddle on couch but gotta check Fb before bed wtf!


She is bored and she won't realize how wonderful her life is until she doesn't have it anymore. 

When people are bored, they do lots of silly things!

A lot of people ruin their life by pure curiosity! 

Internet is great if you use it properly! It is a disaster if you abuse it! Like a lot of other things in life!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Greg,
> 
> 
> The Men's Clubhouse is filled with people in the midst of this very same journey. Kick it around with us - and welcome.


Men's club is no fun without BBW, AFEH, Scanner there! 

Hope you and the other men make Men's club more interesting for us!

It is the place I like the most on TAM. 

If there is no interesting, inspiring, constructive discussion going on, I go to bed to have my beauty sleep..................:sleeping: :sleeping: :sleeping:


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> Nope not a workaholic home everyday by 5pm! do dishes take care of kids always try to make a date,shes seems resentful that she never had a career & went to school ive always spoiled her,she gets mad when I say its a tough world out there how are you going to make it?,you dont have to prove yourself,Ill take care of it I think Ive spoiled her too much . always in the computer shes downstairs right now with her face in it ! was having a movie night once or twice a week cuddle on couch but gotta check Fb before bed wtf!


Oh gosh, don't tell her that. That's what my ex did, I'm out there making it. Tell her it's temporary, she's taking care of young kids, eventually (all too soon) that will be over and she can be out in the work force again.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

You sound like a really good guy to me, and have worked hard to provide and keep your family happy, I feel the internet is a good way of keeping in touch with the outside world but being on it too much is unhealthy. I feel you are right to complain about it , having an affair on line is not what you do to a good husband and what she has done is totally wrong. Has she ever told you previously she is unhappy in the marriage , I would say there is a lot of talking needed here. Also how would a wife feel if she worked all day whether job or house and kids only to come back to a man who was on the playstation constantly. I stand your corner , good luck mate


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

hi, I couldnt agree more...

some people might say that cheating always existed, and that's true...cheaters will cheat, but..the thing is, the stuff like fb makes it more accesible and tempting..like living next to a bar..its a mode that lends itself to **temptation ** secrecy **division (when you are in one room on fb, and your significant other is in other room, you have a password they dont, its too much of a lure

i heard a while back on radio show how some pastors now even have counseling just for this issue, so many couples in trouble bc of it

i also think cell phones while on the one hand are a good thing, they also tend to become tools that make it easy to cheat...

text messaging and stuff, the whole issue of passwords causes alot of issues for couples

on the frank pastore show recently, the whole show was about how couples shouldnt have secret passwords, your password should be known to your partner, etc.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

kendra2705 said:


> You sound like a really good guy to me, and have worked hard to provide and keep your family happy, I feel the internet is a good way of keeping in touch with the outside world but being on it too much is unhealthy. I feel you are right to complain about it , having an affair on line is not what you do to a good husband and what she has done is totally wrong. Has she ever told you previously she is unhappy in the marriage , I would say there is a lot of talking needed here. Also how would a wife feel if she worked all day whether job or house and kids only to come back to a man who was on the playstation constantly. I stand your corner , good luck mate


Described it to a tee! Ive been really close with my wife spoiled her rotton.Yes I think shes bored,she hates her self she is overweight & has always been down on herself Ive always tried to biuld her up & make her feel good about herself,this all happened after she lost some weight & felt better about herself took some nice pretty pictures of herself & post them all over Fb myspace, & some others I didnt know about tagged.com is where she met this guy,I would of never know about it till the dudes wife contacted me on FB! I was floored. Big fight called her a ***** ect. I was hurt bad,cancelled the internet awhile but then gave in & got it back(she says kids need it for school which is bs)now Im going on my 4th week of hell no affection havent told me she loves me when I use to get it everyday after every phone call,total 180.If she is having another emotional affair I will come out.Ive checked her phone got caught which now she dont trust me,give up on saying anything about the net shes on it all day & night. carries it to the bathroom shower everywhere its gotton worse since the blow up.shes trying to get a job so she can support herself & the kids 13 years with no work??? what kind of job she gonna get shes a hairdresser thats the only money making carreer she could have,she cuts hair in the basement for good money on the side.Ive failed somewhere I feel like Im the failure here never cheated on her no drugs dont drink,exccellent father (she tells me that) got my hobbies like most men but gave all them up because of money & tension because she always said Ive supported ur hobbies you have never supported me? Ive tried to get her into something tried dates. The new year is tonight & I feel so alone thankgod I can still hug my kids!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Should I cancell the internet & tell her pay for it herself if she wants it? I dont think that will change anything just more resentment.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I guess you could cancel the internet, but you will just come off as controlling and yes, she will resent you for it. 

I really don't think that facebook, etc... is the cause of your problems, but it does make it a lot easier for people to do things they wouldn't noramally do in real life. So many people now a days get so caught up in the internet world, and neglect the real world happening around them.

It really sounds to me like your wife's problems have to do with her low self esteem and lack of social life. She seems to be happier with the person she is online than the person she is in real life. 

I think you mentioned that she said something about wanting to work, or go to school, and you told her that she didn't have to, that you'd take care of it. Maybe she doesn't NEED to do those things financially, but she need to feel like she's contributing. Maybe she feels dependant on you and maybe she doesn't like that feeling.

I don't know if you can fix this or not. If she has truely decided that she is done, there really isn't much you can do about that. You can't fix the marriage all on your own. She has to want to do it too. 

Sounds to me like time for a long discussion with her. No yelling, no finger pointing. Just the two of you deciding what each of you wants and figuring out if your marriage is something you both want to save. Find out what she feels that she needs to be happy. Maybe it is just going back to school part time. 

Living one's life on the internet may be exciting, and ego boosting for a while, but ultimately, very lonely. 

Good luck to you. I hope it works out for you.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Thankyou,just trying to figure this all out.you are right I cant fix it bymyself,just giving her space right now.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

gregj123 said:


> Nope not a workaholic home everyday by 5pm! do dishes take care of kids always try to make a date,shes seems resentful that she never had a career & went to school ive always spoiled her,she gets mad when I say its a tough world out there how are you going to make it?,you dont have to prove yourself,Ill take care of it I think Ive spoiled her too much . always in the computer shes downstairs right now with her face in it ! was having a movie night once or twice a week cuddle on couch but gotta check Fb before bed wtf!


Sorry! Ok, not "the lonely unfullfilled workaholics wife" but ...."the spoiled overly pampered, grown to be lazy because she's been given everything" wife . I'll never understand women like this, you should not be doing any dishes if she stays at home all day! NONE. She is not fullfilling her duties at home while you are out working all day but day dreaming & getting herself into trouble online. Does she at least cook for the family? And do laundry? 

I think you need to get TOUGH with her. If you have always been 'nice" in hopes of not upsetting her too much, well you can see this is not helping anything. HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL? You feel as though you have spoiled her, have you told her this- ever ? Are you afraid of her getting mad at you ? Maybe a good fight is due. Maybe she is used to you NOT putting your feet down & telling her What for!! 

Do you feel she respects you? Or has she trampled on that also? It sounds like it when you have voiced your concern over her internet use & she brushes you off. Do you feel you have been "kissing her butt" to keep the peace but you see this needs to change ?

If so - as many men on here will tell you, get this book and start living the change ... Amazon.com: No More Mr. Nice Guy! (9780762415335): Robert A. Glover: Books She may not like it at first (in fact she may buck you & cause drama), but this is not your worry. The principles inside has saved many men & their marrages & theirs wives have gained respect for them, and as the book so claims, revived the "attraction" factor too.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry! Ok, not "the lonely unfullfilled workaholics wife" but ...."the spoiled overly pampered, grown to be lazy because she's been given everything" wife . I'll never understand women like this, you should not be doing any dishes if she stays at home all day! NONE. She is not fullfilling her duties at home while you are out working all day but day dreaming & getting herself into trouble online. Does she at least cook for the family? And do laundry?
> 
> I think you need to get TOUGH with her. If you have always been 'nice" in hopes of not upsetting her too much, well you can see this is not helping anything. HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL? You feel as though you have spoiled her, have you told her this- ever ? Are you afraid of her getting mad at you ? Maybe a good fight is due. Maybe she is used to you NOT putting your feet down & telling her What for!!
> 
> ...


I guess you can say that,yep things arent done around the house but she says I need to do more! well ive spoiled her its my fault.I would think women would like to be spoiled & love u for it!!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

gregj123 said:


> I guess you can say that,yep things arent done around the house but she says I need to do more! well ive spoiled her its my fault.I would think women would like to be spoiled & love u for it!!


It tends to be the opposite. If you keep running up to them and giving them nice things they see that as you trying to seek the relationship stable because you are not as attractive as they are.

I.e. if you're a 7 and she's an 8, you endlessly being nice to her is seen as you trying to be a 7 +1 point for being endlessly nice = her 8.

You could be an 9 to an impartial observer, but you running up to her and being endlessly nice means she would still perceive you as a lesser value to her because of the endless catering to her. She just sees "endless catering = +1", so "hubby +1 = my worth", therefore "hubby worth < my worth", therefore "I deserve this affair because I am better than hubby".

So if you endlessly cater to her, she will see you as a man that she could do better than. It's not until the **** hits the fan and all the good you do starts getting threatened to be taken away will she realize the more realistic value between you both. If it turns out that you're in fact a better man than she is a woman, she will crawl back to you and beg forgiveness. Though you have to decide if you want her back. Her cheating on you does tend to somewhat reduce her Sex Rank value in and of itself.

Obviously you can't keep her on as a lazy SAHM and cheating wife, so she will have to make some improvements or suffer the consequences.

It's all in the presentation of that though.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

We were talking last night,she is having some job interviews next week,shes a hairdresser & the hours would be 10 to 7 pm dont know how the hell she is going to pull that off but I just listened & she will find out how hard real life is I gotta take care of myself gonna see a lawer this week & seek some conciling. She keeps saying she loves me but shes not in love with me.Thats just sad because of the close family we have had.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

It looks like you taking the right steps, seeing the lawyer and looking into counceling.

For your own benefit though, it will help you to understand some quick tings about women whether to repair your marriage, or when you decide to move on to some other woman, as any woman you wish to be in sexual relationship these things will be good for you to know. 

This is spelled out in more detail in the thread in Men's Clubhouse, the "Nice guy" sticky.

1. A woman bored in the relationship = kiss of death of relationship. A woman wants romance, drama, thrill, attention from her man. Every bit of yourself as a man inside you is your "ego", no? Unnerstand inside a woman is her version of ego, but in a woman it is called "vanity". Unless it is acknowledged, relationship will wither and die. 

2. A woman's vanity best fed by this, that she has the attention and sexual attraction of a man who himself is attractive, desirable, and in control of himself and his environment. This is called the dominant man. For such a man, a woman is irrestibly attracted.

3. A woman's vanity is NOT fed by a man being to "nice guy" to her. Just like Atholk mentions, this is interpreted by the woman as a weaker man trying to bribe her for affection. Nothing worse to a woman than her to feel her man is a "weak man".

4. Look up "fitness test" (or "sh!t test") and understand what these are, what they look like, and how a woman expects her man to respond. A woman, staying at home all day, yet nagging or complaining about you "needing to do more" is a sh!t test. So is the woman who wants her man to "give up his hobbies", same ting. 

Woe is the man who takes sh!t test literally and thinks his woman actually means some of the things she says!

5. Look up "hypergamy" and understand what this is, how this drives female sexual attraction, and especially why it is important to not be too "nice guy" to a woman if you want her to be interested in you sexually.

6. Respect, sexual attraction, emotional connection. These three thing are the foundation of long term, sexually active relationship between a man and a woman. 

Understand this most of all, these three things, all three of them, are established, maintained, driven, fueled, and demonstrated by this one thing, between a man and woman from the very first spark of attraction to dating and marriage and years and years of marriage, this one thing above all other things is the one thing a man HAS GOT to become a master of.

This one thing, is CONFLICT.

Conflict, confrontation, the man standing up for himself, confidence, dominance, boldness, alpha, etc etc etc. 

ALL these things, are demonstrated by how the man handles himself in conflict.

All good men reading this, if you want to maintain healthy sexual relationship with your woman, then embrace the skills of conflict!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

I bet if another women took interest in me things would turn around fast! Shes testing the waters because shes knows Im here whenever she needs me I do need to man up!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

gregj123 said:


> I bet if another women took interest in me things would turn around fast! Shes testing the waters because shes knows Im here whenever she needs me I do need to man up!


I wouldn't doubt this at all ! Relationships ofter work this way, even if it unfortunate we let it. This is a raising of the "value" as some would claim on here. It definetely would catch her attention & hopefully stir some of that dormant jealousy to RISE within her. 

Have a woman handy ?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

gregj123 said:


> I bet if another women took interest in me things would turn around fast! Shes testing the waters because shes knows Im here whenever she needs me I do need to man up!


Seriously, you should read my blog 

Start here Married Man Sex Life: Why And How Nice Guys Strategize To Screw Themselves Out Of Sex And Happiness


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

simplyamorous said:


> i wouldn't doubt this at all ! Relationships ofter work this way, even if it unfortunate we let it. This is a raising of the "value" as some would claim on here. It definetely would catch her attention & hopefully stir some of that dormant jealousy to rise within her.
> 
> Have a woman handy ?


no i dont have one handy! Lol if i did she would happy!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Seriously, you should read my blog
> 
> Start here Married Man Sex Life: Why And How Nice Guys Strategize To Screw Themselves Out Of Sex And Happiness


I read it sounds good taking some steps to that! hopefully I can make it!!!!


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

gregj123 said:


> We were talking last night,she is having some job interviews next week,shes a hairdresser & the hours would be 10 to 7 pm dont know how the hell she is going to pull that off but I just listened & she will find out how hard real life is I gotta take care of myself gonna see a lawer this week & seek some conciling. *She keeps saying she loves me but shes not in love with me.*Thats just sad because of the close family we have had.


I want you to look at the bolded and underlined part. When a woman says this statement, she's moved on to some other man. Chances are, she's already screwed him!

She's very protective of her cell phone? Oh yeah! She's having an affair! I say that because people who are innocent have nothing to hide, nothing to fear. She's not letting you see what's in her phone, well, that ought to tell you right there something's not right at all! She knows she's not doing right, so she hides it from you! Get a keylogger to keep track of what she's doing, then print out what you find, keep a copy for yourself, then expose the evidence to her and call her out on it!

She's cheated before? Drop her ass! Solve the problem of her cheating! She sounds like a cake eater! She exposing you to STD's, that means AIDs as well! If the role were reversed do you think she would accept what she's doing to you, NO WAY!

It's good that you are contacting a Lawyer, as it should've been done long ago! Ask about _your rights_ Protect yourself financially, get a separate bank account, cancel any and all credit cards (she'll rack up debt on you!), protect your house, if anyone leaves, it's her, not you! She cheated, she leaves! protect your retirement plans including 401K plans, and if possible, go for custody of your children! (it depends upon the state in which you live) Only 10% of fathers go for custody of the children, but, of the 10% that do, 90% of them get it!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Only 10% of fathers go for custody of the children, but, of the 10% that do, 90% of them get it!


What? I thought it's the other way 'round


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> What? I thought it's the other way 'round


Hey, don't ask me, that's the way I've heard it!


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