# We aren't seeing eye to eye



## JOGB11$ (8 mo ago)

I have been married for 4 years to an alcohalic. Recently he decided to completely do away with it. I had to file for divorce for this to happen. Before I serve him I wanted to give it 90 days to see if he could really hold up the commitment. He has caused us many issues DUI, infidelity, loss of career and likes to blame me for alot of these things. He currently sleeps in another room of the house and I have asked him to start maming changes in our relationship to get us closer. Nothing is happening. We have argued about all of this with no resolve. I told him he can leave and we can do this alone since we are already doing it. I could use some help


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Only married for 4 years and he has already cheated? How many times? Driven while drunk? (one of my pet hates). He has no job?

Was he an alcoholic when you married?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Only married for 4 years and he has already cheated? Driven while drunk? (one of my pet hates). He has no job?

Was he an alcoholic when you married?


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## JOGB11$ (8 mo ago)

He was drinking before yes. and I thought it was a drink after work or just a social thing. He said his drinking progressed because I brushed off having a child and he started titrating his alcohal consumption more and more as I couldn't conceive but our relationship sucked so I didn't want to pursue having one since I felt alone so much.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Why are you still in this relationship?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

JOGB11$ said:


> He was drinking before yes. and I thought it was a drink after work or just a social thing. He said his drinking progressed because I brushed off having a child and he started titrating his alcohal consumption more and more as I couldn't conceive but our relationship sucked so I didn't want to pursue having one since I felt alone so much.


Well you certainly did the right thing holding off on not trying to have a baby with him. Addicts blame everything on everyone except themselves. 

I think you should count your lucky stars that you can just walk away from this. Most people don't have that luxury.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

JOGB11$ said:


> He was drinking before yes. and I thought it was a drink after work or just a social thing. He said his drinking progressed because I brushed off having a child and he started titrating his alcohal consumption more and more as I couldn't conceive but our relationship sucked so I didn't want to pursue having one since I felt alone so much.


You can’t fix him. His actions say he’s not going to either. Let him go and free yourself. You have no future here. Drop the hopium pipe.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He may blame you for his drinking but that’s all on him. Don’t consider for a moment having a child with him unless he’s proved that’s totally under control (and never forget all it takes is one drink for it not to be).


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## JOGB11$ (8 mo ago)

I agree 1000 percent. I count my blessings that I couldn't give him a child well. I filed for a divorce and now I am left to serve him. I gave him opportunities to fix it he has no interest. So it is time for me to cut my losses. I know it is easier said than done to just up and leave. The thing that has kept me here is his will to change and it is taking forever at my expense and I am tired of it. The older I get the more impatience I have with the idea of waiting. I married in hopes of having a partner who would leverage me and I thought that was in my cards but it just wasn't and isn't right


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## JOGB11$ (8 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Why are you still in this relationship?


I know it is funny lol but I just never saw myself ever failing in divorce thats why I stayed so long


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He has to want to change and not just to keep you and the marriage. You did the right thing given everything that’s happened, but it’s still hard to let go of someone you love. It’s also sad to see someone struggle with an addiction. I hope things get a bit better for you, soon.


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## JOGB11$ (8 mo ago)

Thank you so much for that advice it really hits hime for me. It is very hard especially when this is self conflicted addiction that has gone too far. I am definitely working towards something good and this I know. If I throw in the towel and stop trying to control something that is out of my control.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

JOGB11$ said:


> Thank you so much for that advice it really hits hime for me. It is very hard especially when this is self conflicted addiction that has gone too far. I am definitely working towards something good and this I know. If I throw in the towel and stop trying to control something that is out of my control.


There are plenty of people you can love but not live with.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It boggles my mind how many years of their lives people waste on bad marriages because they just can't "fail" and divorce.

As if the marriage isn't already a failure...covering your ears and refusing to leave doesn't make it a success.

Please stop wasting years of your life.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

JOGB11$ said:


> I know it is funny lol but I just never saw myself ever failing in divorce thats why I stayed so long


It doesn’t sound like you’re the one who is failing.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

A marriage takes two. You only get one life. Don’t waste it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Leaving a dysfunctional marriage is never a failure.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You didn’t fail on your part, he did and marriage requires two to make it work.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> You can’t fix him. His actions say he’s not going to either. Let him go and free yourself. You have no future here. Drop the hopium pipe.


Tough love necessary. You can’t fix him. He needs to fix himself.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

The best place for you to get help is a group called Al Anon. It's a support group for people who love alcoholics. Start there. The meetings will help you see you are not alone & it will give you insight into him. 

Good luck.


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## JOGB11$ (8 mo ago)

I tried it and I am not wasting my energy on his problems anymore. It is up to me to movee on and that is what I intend to do


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