# Wife has trouble making female friends.



## Hall33

Hi,

So my wife has difficulty making female friends, the only female friends she's had was a group of girls from high school that she no longer really talks to because they've grown apart.

She's never had any platonic male friends, and when I say friends I don't mean male friends on FB or at work, people she never talks to on the phone or sees. I mean real friends, talking on the phone, going out, etc.

She has many acquaintances, and one real GF that she talks to fairly regularly, but we have a son, and she has two, and we live 40 miles away so they don't see each other.

Any way, now that me and my wife have a potty trained son, he's 3.5yrs old, and we've been kind of living in a family bubble and she's been expressing feelings of sadness about not having any real friends, any girlfriends, and not having much of a social life.

Here's the issue...... my wife is a "Hot Chick", she's the woman all the other moms in my sons school hate, she's got a 3yr old and is in incredible shape. (we both are fitness nuts).

So in our crossfit gym she gets a good deal of attention from the men (many of them requesting her friendship on FB), and she's really nice and she's approachable, but she's said, I wish it wasn't just the guys I have an easy time making friends with guys, but I want girlfriends.

I say well of course it's easier you're hot, guys want to talk to you. She gets kind of offended by this, "oh every guy wants in my pants"? (she takes it as if there's nothing else to her)

I say no, and yes, look, guys like hot girls, we like being friends with the cute girl, who wouldn't, and it's easy to make friends with people who are doing all the "work" by engaging you.

But I say, but I would be a little uncomfortable if you seemed to only be making friends with guys, thats not healthy.

My wife has been trying to engage and pursue this one woman at the gym who seems receptive to friendship, they've exchanged numbers, and my wife asked if she wanted to go get nails done together.

But my wife says after the fact that she feels "like a loser" "like she's desperate" and I say you're not a loser for doing something normal, pursuing a friendship with a woman. 

Can anyone give some insight into this? my wifes aware she need to be able to develop female friends, esp being married, and I don't want her crave for friends lead to dangerous friendships with guys because friendships with guys come easy because she's pretty.


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## ranaz2

There are many other women in the same situation - she is not a loser and it is great that she is reaching out to people. My suggestion is for her to visit meetup.com and search for meetups in your area. There are lots of women's networking, moms, fitness kinds of things. I have been to a few meetups and they are great.


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## that_girl

It is SO HARD to make female friends. I practically lived online for the first few years of our daughter's life, talking to other mommys about life, our day, our kids. Dang.

It's very hard to make friends. People are betchy and I don't really get on with people in real life because I'm awkward and quirky.

Thankfully, my life is full of female friends now that I have learned to just truly be myself and talk. It's hard though. 

Those meetups do work. Meetup.com is good like ranaz2 said.


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## heartsbeating

It can feel odd when you're first putting feelers out for friends. I enjoy people and can be easily social but I'm selective as to who I let close and have noticed myself become hesitant. I think the answer is to be open and say yes to experiences. 

I am blessed to have a good group of friends. All the times that I've said yes, has helped ignite those friendships. I've usually made friends through work. It starts with a common interest - much like your wife and the woman at the gym with their common interest being fitness. A few years ago, my female colleague who I got along well with, encouraged me to do a charity run with her that was being sponsored by the company. At that time I was barely walking the track, let alone running it! She wanted us to train together and do the run. I felt hesitant inside and some silly insecurities arose but I said yes anyway. She became a really close friend. We'd train at the track, she didn't care that I was really unfit compared to her lol, and then we'd sit on the grass afterwards and chat. It was great. We encouraged each other to do our best time on the day and friendship developed outside of work from there. 

I started a small book club with a few women at work and friendships developed that way. I've talked music with a colleague and she suggested we see a band together. I didn't know the band, wasn't sure it was quite my thing but went for the heck of it. We became close. She was the type of friend I'd laugh with until our tummies hurt. My rock music buddy. 

This new job, my colleague and I were really enjoying working together, lots of laughter and shared humor. We went out for a drink and dinner. It's weird, it's like dating in a way. We both knew that was the turning point to see if we vibed outside of work. We got along really well and now we meet up on weekends, husbands included. We share in common goals - she's become my fitness buddy as well as being a good friend.

That hesitation and feeling weird though... I was at my neighbor's place for the first time recently. She has a guitar. I commented on it. She excitedly told me she's the one that plays. I strummed and goofed around with the few chords I know. She told me I should go over and play guitar with her. I asked "Really? I'm not very good lol." She said it didn't matter and she'd teach me. I said "Great!" then afterwards I thought, but how does that work? We don't have each others number. Do I just knock on her door like a teenager, "Hi are you free to jam?" It feels weird to do that. I'll make myself go over and do it though because she's good people. 

Meetup is a great suggestion. 

The point of my rambling is this. It does sometimes feel weird. Having common goals/ground helps develop the friendship. If not through work, hobbyist classes or groups are great too.


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## heartsbeating

Hall33 said:


> So in our crossfit gym she gets a good deal of attention from the men (many of them requesting her friendship on FB), and she's really nice and she's approachable, but she's said, I wish it wasn't just the guys I have an easy time making friends with guys, but I want girlfriends.


Maybe I'm naive about gym culture but how is it guys at the gym are requesting her on FaceBook? Are you working out with her? Also does she come across as approachable to other women?

Hot chick or not, being approachable means just that - which can include with women too. Sure, sometimes women have insecurities and jealousies. Sometimes others are responding to body language, whether that's for the positive or not.


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## Mavash.

After I quit my job to be a homemaker I wanted at least one girlfriend. I put some serious effort into finding one. Did church activities, mom groups, play dates, etc. I was successful and in the end I decided it was overrated. I'm highly introverted so people aren't really my thing. Girlfriends require a lot of time and commitment. Time I don't have while raising 3 kids and keeping a home. I have plenty of acquaintances and that fills my need for companionship. But that best fried thing? I'll pass till I have more time.


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## Hall33

heartsbeating said:


> Maybe I'm naive about gym culture but how is it guys at the gym are requesting her on FaceBook? Are you working out with her? Also does she come across as approachable to other women?



We go to a crossfit, it's a co-ed gym that does group weight-training and conditioning. So you go and you're in a co-ed class of about 16 people, so there's a social aspect to it.(it's not a regular gym) So after a while, like any group activity, you become friendly, and people add each other, "find me on facebook" kind of a thing. She's had women request her too, but it's mostly guys.

I'll tell her about meetup, that sounds promising.

My wife appears like a wallflower until you start talking to her and then she'll yack your ear off.

I work in a younger and very social office, so it's easier for me than her, who doesn't work in a social environment.


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