# Scolding/Snapping at your spouse if...



## trini (Jun 19, 2014)

So two things I am thinking about today. Both arn't big deals but I wanted a second opinion on each incident from folks if y'all have the patience to read them! 

1. My husband and I went out with his friend last night for a couple of drinks. Everything was great but I asked the guy if he had watched 50 shades of grey yet? And if he would be interested to go watch it? I guess I offended my husband cause it is too 'sexy' and there was no reason I should have asked his single guy friend if he saw it. Please be aware I didnt ask him to go see it with us or anything. I just wanted to know if he would see it. I didnt know it was inappropriate question cause for me it was supposed to funny. I thought the guys would just be like uhh noo only girls like that kind of stupid romance thing. I saw my husband's face become a little like 'why is she asking my single guy friend this?'... He said "Whyyy are you asking him that?" I defended myself and said "why not, Im just trying to see if there is an appeal to men as well cause women seem to love it and its all over the place." And my husband said well women like that because it is new and there havent been bondage movies or books before so its risque. Why would men like it. Why are you asking everyone if they watched it. Its wierd. You asked the same thing to Jon and Jason that too this morning...?" (I had asked two other guy friends of his if they had seen it earlier that day when we all went out to lunch together).Anyways, I had NO IDEA he was uncomfortable with it. He hadnt told me. I wouldnt have asked if I knew. We were also talking about other movies too so it wasnt like I just asked them out of the blue. So, then in the evening when I asked this friend of his who is a guy and single the same question, he snaped at me and says all those things to me IN FRONT of the guy. My husband also says to me "Just stop, I don't want to hear anything about 50 shades of grey anymore!" And I snapped back at him and said "well Tom (his friend) asked me a question as to why I was interested in the movie and I was answering him...I dont know what problem you have with it, anyways, nevermind! " I just think it is so embarrassing that all this happened in front of that stupid friend of his, who already judges us cause we bicker like this all the time. I had told my husband to not scold me, snap at me in front of people before several times!! 

1. What are your thoughts on the incident? 
2. Did he embarrass me and HIMSELF because of his public outburst.
3. Is he right? Am I asking slightly inappropriate questions to his single guy friends?


The second incident happened the same night. While we were all chatting for a while, my husband and his friend then started talking about football which I know nothing about. I was already a little pissed at him over the other thing and so when they started going on and on about football for 5 minutes I decided to not interject. Usually I interject and ask questions or try to change the topic as I also want to be included but this time i JUST couldn't be bothered and I let it slide so see until when they can talk about football without having any consideration for me who is sitting next to them! They went on and on for ages, to me seemed like a long time cause I was staring blankly from one guys face to another, like for 15-20 minutes I think..anyways while I stare blankly at them, not once did my HUSBAND look at me or change the subject knowing I knew nothing about it and had no interest in football all the while that I was sitting next to him plus it was HIS friend not mine so I was going out FOR him. 
1. Do you think it is rude and inconsiderate of him to do this to me? Do you have any thoughts of what I should have done? 

We fought when we got home but then he apologized for each incident and I also apologized for asking the 50 shades question and said I wouldnt anymore. He said he would try to not snap at me again and that he will be more conscious of football if I am there. BUT HE HAS PROMISED ME THESE THINGS BEFORE AND KEEPS MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES...HE ONCE WENT ON FOR 30 MINUTES ABOUT SOCCER WITH GUYS HE MET IN THE BAR WHEN I WAS NEXT TO HIM SO I GOT REALLY MAD CAUSE THEY WERE STRANGERS AND I WAS HIS WIFE. HE SAID SORRY AND HASNT DONE THAT SINCE. However the snapping part he has done over and over again. Although he has gotten better with time. But it still hurts and embarrasses me.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

This is why I like to do things apart from each other. I would rather hubby go out alone with a friend instead of tag along, unless it's a couples night out or something. I also know he would not be interested hanging out with me and a female friend without another male along. I probably wouldn't have asked a guy that question bc it would feel too awkwards based on the premise of the movie. It's probably why it made your hubby feel uncomfortable. Maybe he was afraid of where the convo would lead.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

Lady, let your husband go out with his buddies, you go out with yours.
The question you asked his single friend, nothing but insecurity on his part for getting pissed about it, do not take it too deeply but he was also wrong to become vindictive with his actions towards you. You guys need to give each other some space and respect that space.
I never understood what the Shades of Gray was all about, I don't care about that kind of literature, if you can call it literature. Good luck, breath easy .........


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

What you did embarrassed your husband. "Shades of Gray' is a sexually charged book and movie. From what I heard from secretaries and students, this book is about bondage, self-absorption, promiscuity, revenge, and simply a sexually charged subject matter; not my kind of literature. This material is not something you ask of a single man, unless you are interested in engaging him in sexual matters; definitely embarrassing for your husband.

You are not interested in football, but your husband and his friend are. You need to do something else, rather than tag along. Your boredom showed. Your husband was again embarrassed by your behavior. Let him have some time with his friends where they can share their interests.

When socializing with your husband's friends, you should ask your husband about them and their interests. If you are around them, be conversant about their interests. It will keep you from being bored and you will better company.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Threads where a person asks the crowd to decide who was right in a single incident rarely give the whole picture, and hence are not always so useful. Without knowing OP or her husband or the context, it's a little hard to tell here -- on one hand, perhaps the OP's husband picked up on a flirty vibe between her and the man she was asking. Even if there was no "intention" of anything specific, this can be embarrassing. Maybe there's a context, maybe she has flirted with other men in front of him before. On the other hand, maybe he's jealous and controlling. But I can't tell very much just from this story. 

Similarly, with the football, if it was an isolated incident, I think it's a little needy and childish to be upset about. OTOH, if the husband is always talking past her to his friends and never including her in the conversation, it could be disrespectful.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Perhaps your hubby thinks 50 shades is more risqué than it actually is, Which I can see why he thought it strange. Knd of like him asking one of your friends if they liked "that new threesome porn" on the playboy channel this month.

Honestly, I don't get the hype. The books are lame and very tame. And it's not the first movie out about dominance and submission. The Hollywood world confuses me.

And guys are not as receptive to social faux pas as girls are. To him, he's just talking to a buddy about football, enjoying every moment and getting absorbed in the topic. 

Suck it up, girl. Let your man be a man. Next time bring a friend along so you can talk about girly things like "Magic Mike 2", or doileys or something. Because if he had to bring up one of those topics to include you in the conversation...then the table would become uncomfortably silent.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

And stop asking guys about 50 shades. Or any other chick flick, for that matter. 

Wtf is wrong with you, girl?! We don't want to talk about that kind of shat!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

try to be more sensitive to your husband's sensibilities. The movie is highly sexually charged, so most people already think nothing good can come out of a conversation about it. How would you feel if your husband asked one of your female friends about this movie.

I had at one time said that I and my husband would not go out together unless a whole couple on the other side presents themselves. that means, for example, a female friend would have to bring a date if she expected me to bring my husband.

Perhaps when your husband goes out with one of his buddies, he would rather go alone unless his buddy brings a date.

Symmetry is good. But it doesn't have to be if people are sensitive to the situation.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

It is good that your husband reacted in from of the single guy other wise he will look stupid;because by you answering the stupid question; and him not asking ; the guy would think that it is okey to watch it with u , alone !


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I could see two sides to this. If Fifty Shades was a topic of discussion then that's fine to ask him about it, but if it wasn't and you just asked it out of nowhere it's probably a little boundary crossing.

If you're going to talk to guys keep it about something platonic, like work or sports. Shouldn't be anything you'd mind your hubby hearing.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When your husband starts to scold you in public, make the 'T' sign with your hands to signal 'time out' and ask him to please save his scolding for when you get home.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

HE over reacted about the movie, and YOU over reacted about the football discussion. If you had been out with one of your girlfriends, you and she probably would have done the same thing to HIM, as in a lengthy discussion about something he has no interest in. Its really not a big deal.


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