# Another woman staying with me and my husband



## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

I need some help please. I think I am going crazy.

Little background:
Things were good. No problems at all. There was no jealousy or trust issues . . . until now. And I think it is me.

There is this woman my husband ran into a few weeks ago (he knows her from school days). From the first time he told me he ran into her he couldn't stop talking about her. He went to the restaurant where she worked several times - made excuses so that he could go there. I had this feeling for the first time, that feeling that he is more interested in her than what he is revealing to me. I asked him if he is interested in her more than he should be. He got angry and said no.

Well two weeks after that my husband got extremely intoxicated (he never drinks). It was really weird. Anyways - he got very angry and unreasonable and in the heat of the moment just said "I am going to screw her". The next morning I asked him about it and he said that he can't even remember it. I should let it go because he surely didn't mean it.

Her boyfriend kicked her out and my husband brought her home three weeks ago. Said she had nowhere else to go. 

The two of them chats and has coffee while I am asleep at night. I have tried to tell him that she should move out because I am not happy but he avoids the subject and says that he doesn't have any problem with her in our house. 

Now - everyone keeps telling me that if I trust my husband, this wouldn't be a problem for me. 

Is it just my insecurity? Was I actually always a jealous wife and didn't know it? Am I unreasonable? Please give me some advice. I am so unhappy at this moment.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No it's not your insecurities. One of the worse things to do when married is to let another woman (or man) move it. It very often leads to affairs.

She has to go.

Here's a suggestion. Get a VAR (Voice activated recorder) and hide it in the room where they talk and hang out. Let it record what they are talking about when you are not around. That should get you enough evidence to either kick her out or to kick both him and her out.

It is was my place.. I'd make sure I had a VAR on me to record it. Then I'd just go and tell her to get the hell out of my house that very instant. IF he protested, I'd tell him that he was free to follow her.

Shoot.. I'd go to her work and tell her that she had better not dare show her cheating face at my place again.

Your husband and this woman are having an emotional affair right under your nose. How dare they.


.


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

I have talked to him about this and he turned it around and said that I am bringing tension into our home. I was angry that he was spending all his time at home with her and not with me and the kids.

He has even gone to his parents and told them how unreasonable I am for being angry with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I have talked to him about this and he turned it around and said that I am bringing tension into our home. I was angry that he was spending all his time at home with her and not with me and the kids.
> 
> He has even gone to his parents and told them how unreasonable I am for being angry with him.


Ok, this is when you need to be strong and stand by what you know is right. They are clearly playing against you, in your own home. 

Get the VAR and get their conversations on recording. Do not tell them that you are doing do. And stop complaining... just do it. Once you have the conversations recorded, listen to them and back up the recordings some place where they are safe. The worst thing you could do is to just go off the handle about what you hear on the recordings. 

You need a plan. So come here and post about what you hear. We can help you come up with a plan. 

Does she have family that lives around there? 

Does she have her own car, or does your husband ever drive her around?

Are they ever alone in your home without you being there?

Do your parents and siblings know what's going on?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Also, how old are you, your husband and your children? 

How long have you been married? 

Do you two own the home you live in?

This info would help to get a better understanding.


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

I am 39 and he is 40. We have two children 12 and 7.
Married 16 years
We both own our home


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what are you going to do now?


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

Does she have family that lives around there? 

Does she have her own car, or does your husband ever drive her around?

Are they ever alone in your home without you being there?

Do your parents and siblings know what's going on?[/QUOTE]

No - her family doesn't speak to her because of previous drug abuse.
She doesn't own a car and my husband sometimes drive her.

They are alone yes. I drive the children around and so on after I get home from work.

Everyone knows about her living there. No one knows the background to this.


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

The woman needs to leave asap. Helping someone in need is great but your husband has poor boundaries. Staying up late talking in your own marital home is not appropriate. 

I'm no expert but I'd come down hard and swift on this.

The VAR will tell you if there is anything worse than inappropriate going on.

Good luck-be strong and don't let him turn things round on you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> No - her family doesn't speak to her because of previous drug abuse.
> She doesn't own a car and my husband sometimes drive her.
> 
> They are alone yes. I drive the children around and so on after I get home from work.
> ...


This just gets better... NOT!

The VAR would be a very good idea when you are not at home and they are alone. You can hide it so that they don't find it.

My sister did this. She was sure that her fiancé was cheating. So she put on under their bed. Sure enough. He was bringing his old girlfriend home during lunch to have sex in their bed. She caught it all on the VAR.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

He told you he was going to screw her (forget the "I'd been drinking" - _in vino veritas_), she has a history of drug abuse and no one else will accommodate because of it, but she's living in your house and is around your children... 

Time to tell her to leave, OP, and your H needs to either shape up and start behaving like a married man, or ship out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long ago was her drug use problem?

Does she have a police record? A lot of heavy drug users do. Since her family has turned their backs on her, I assume she has a really bad drug history. Most families try for years to help their drugged out kids. It has to be really bad for them to not want her around.

Does your husband use drugs?


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How long ago was her drug use problem?
> 
> Does she have a police record? A lot of heavy drug users do. Since her family has turned their backs on her, I assume she has a really bad drug history. Most families try for years to help their drugged out kids. It has to be really bad for them to not want her around.
> 
> Does your husband use drugs?


I know nothing about her. She doesn't really talk to me about these type of things. She talks to my husband. 

My husband has been smoking marijuana. They both do. I don't


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> So what are you going to do now?



I will try the voice recording route first. There is a chance that he is not doing what I think he is doing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I know nothing about her. She doesn't really talk to me about these type of things. She talks to my husband.
> 
> My husband has been smoking marijuana. They both do. I don't


I live in New Mexico. It's really easy here to look up a person's police/criminal record on line. I just go to the court system website and a search on their name.

One of my sisters lives in FL. She had a renter who was causing her problems. I looked up his record in FL and found out that he had a record form his wife calling the police to have him put in a mental hospital for observation.. over and over. 

My point is that you can look up her police record. You can look up if she has been in any law suits. You need to find out everything you can about her. This woman is invading your home and your marriage. 

Have you out right told her that you do not want her in your home?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is a good book 

NOT "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

by Shirley Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli


Your husband is putting this woman ahead of you. He's having at least an emotional affair. Emotional affairs are actually more destructive than purely sexual affairs. People do not leave their marriages over purely sexual affairs. They do over leave over emotional affair (with or w/o sex involved).


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I have talked to him about this and he turned it around and said that I am bringing tension into our home. I was angry that he was spending all his time at home with her and not with me and the kids.
> 
> *He has even gone to his parents and told them how unreasonable I am for being angry with him*.


Most parents are very conservative and can see immediately the problem with a married man housing an unrelated woman. If they are not supportive, then you have a second problem on your hands.

I would never let an unrelated woman share my home with me and my husband. IF she were really down on her luck, I would look for accomodation elsewhere for her so that I would not be accused of not being helpful....... if it should ever come to that.

Look up Wen dy D ang in Wikipedia.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old is this woman who is living in your home?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I have talked to him about this and he turned it around and said that I am bringing tension into our home. I was angry that he was spending all his time at home with her and not with me and the kids.
> 
> He has even gone to his parents and told them how unreasonable I am for being angry with him.


 Stop this madness. This is not OK at all. He should not even be asking you to allow this, much less have him force this on you. What he is doing is wrong. He is showing you and your feelings complete disrespect. I do not care what his parents or anyone else says, he does not get to move another woman from his past into your home and pretend that this is normal. How dare he demand that you should be OK with this. This is not only his home. This is also your home too, and who lives there requires both of your consent, and you do not consent. He has it backwards. You do not need his agreement that she should move out. He needs your willing agreement that she can stay and you do not agree. 

You must be willing to end your marriage in order to have a chance at saving it. See an attorney today. Do not hide that you are doing it. Tell him that you will be filing for divorce and that you be getting a court order to have the woman removed. Do not be afraid to say that you do not trust him. That drunk or not he told you that he wants to screw her, end of story. Tell him that he and not you is the one that is bringing tension into your home. Tell him that you will not play second fiddle to another woman with your own husband in your own home. Tell him that it is either you or her, and that if he cannot decide, you will decide for him. Be strong and stop listening to this madness. This is just nuts.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I remember on Mad Men when the wife of Peter Campbell (remember that sleaze bag wussy) very sympathetically arranged for temporary housing of a woman who knocked on their door who so obviously had been beaten up by another man.

After she and Peter dropped her off at the motel, she then told her husband, Pete, that she wanted a divorce since she knew then that woman was beaten up by her husband because she was f^cking around with Peter.

OP, be strong and have good boundaries. People will have a better opinion of you for getting your needs met than for losing your husband because you were too nice for letting a skank penetrate your home.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I will try the voice recording route first. There is a chance that he is not doing what I think he is doing.


 It does not matter what they are saying right now, what your husband is doing is wrong, and you should not stand for it. If this woman were an ugly woman 30 years older than him, you can bet that he would not have moved her in and that he would not care that her boyfriend threw her out. BTW, I wonder if the boyfriend threw her out because of her relationship with your husband.


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How old is this woman who is living in your home?


34


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> Most parents are very conservative and can see immediately the problem with a married man housing an unrelated woman. If they are not supportive, then you have a second problem on your hands.
> 
> I would never let an unrelated woman share my home with me and my husband. IF she were really down on her luck, I would look for accomodation elsewhere for her so that I would not be accused of not being helpful....... if it should ever come to that.
> 
> Look up Wen dy D ang in Wikipedia.


His parents told him that they would have hit him over the head with a tree trunk if they were me.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Houwshoulinou said:


> His parents told him that they would have hit him over the head with a tree trunk if they were me.


I rest my case.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Houshouldinou, you need to develop some righteous anger. Your H is away out of line doing this and has crossed the boundaries of the marriage. You have to start playing hard ball even though you are afraid of the consequences, he will not stop and this 'relationship' with the OW will develop. You are basically condoning his sorry a** having an A under your roof, with your kids in the house. This should make your blood boil tbh.
You have been given great advice from Elle about the Vars. You also need to think about what he is doing wrong
1. he brings someone into your home against your wishes
2. She is a druggie and that is around your kids
3. noone else wants her in their home, her family, boyfriend, etc why should you?
4. He spends hours and hours chatting and smoking with her, excluding you and the kids
5. he is putting her needs/wants before yours (his WIFE)

1. hide the Var and monitor
2. Do not argue but show that you are displeased with the arrangement. tell him you are not happy that he made unilateral decisions against your will
3. Set a deadline for her to move out (is she doing anything to find alternative accommodation), ask him and her
4. Tell him if she isn't gone by X date, they can both leave
5. Get a lawyer lined up (you do not have to tell you H this), draw up the papers. Your H needs a reality check big time.
6. Serve him with papers,
7. In the meantime tell all and sundry about what he has done, his family, you family, friends, etc. His parents will support you.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Are you afraid of him? Are you financially dependent on him? Sorry to interrogate you like this but it will help me with my response.

If neither of the above are true, pack up her stuff, put it outside and tell her to leave. It's quite simple.

Then tell, not ask, your husband that it is wrong to invite someone over without your consent, no matter who. Tell him that if he is not happy about this, he can leave the house as well. If he tries to play hardball, remain calm and say that drugs are illegal and the fact that he has them in the house, near your children, and is using them with this outside person, is probably something which could be prosecuted by law. 

I'm not saying to cause unnecessary drama and get the police involved. I'm just saying that you should clearly state these facts to him.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

You get them both together is the same room and tell them both that she has to leave immediately. If there is the slight hesitation on either of their parts, take her stuff and start throwing it to the curb. If your husband starts to give you problems, start throwing his stuff to the curb. If he physically tries to stop you, call the police and get a restraining order on both of them. Time to go defcon 4.

This is one of the biggest displays of disrespect I have ever heard of. She has to go today and if he he doesn't like it, he can go with her. It might be what he wants anyway.

A marriage is between 2 people, not 3. Get her out of the house now.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

My wife would never put up with that. She shouldn't. Neither should you. It is a great display of disrespect to bring someone else into your (and his) home without consulting you first, especially another woman. I guarantee he wouldn't like it if you brought another man to stay with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Great advice so far. I would add one more thing you, and maybe especially your husband need, to be aware about. Damaged women like your new housemate don't exist in a vacuum. They almost always have some rather unsavory acquaintances attached for multiple reasons and purposes. They are very likely to surface in the very near future and don't be surprised if they don't end up on your doorstep as well. For example don't be shocked when your husband ends up receiving a not too friendly visit from a violent, drug using male "friend" of his little lost lamb. Or a couple of her partying buddies show up at your place when your aren't present since you are such a "downer" . But your kids are. 
This situation is not just toxic for your marriage but quite possibly dangerous in ways that you and your husband have little understanding of at the moment. It needs to end immediately.
I would give him an ultimatum. Either she goes today, or she and he go today. His choice. But it happens today.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

If you have never seen the movie Unanswered Prayers you need to sit down and watch that, but I agree if they are having an EA staying up late at night talking then she needs to go. 

A few years back my hubby brought a co-worker home, only after we talked about it. She had no place to go and was only with us a couple of months. She was a very open girl and she had several boyfriends, I made it a point of "moving furniture" very LOUDLY with my husband. She didn't stay long LOL.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

pickil65 said:


> If you have never seen the movie Unanswered Prayers you need to sit down and watch that, but I agree if they are having an EA staying up late at night talking then she needs to go.
> 
> A few years back my hubby brought a co-worker home, only after we talked about it. She had no place to go and was only with us a couple of months. She was a very open girl and she had several boyfriends, I made it a point of "moving furniture" very LOUDLY with my husband. She didn't stay long LOL.



This makes me wonder.... why don't these women in trouble have women friends to help them.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> This makes me wonder.... why don't these women in trouble have women friends to help them.


Because it's easier to get men to play knight in shining armour than it is other women.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Too many red flags here that I even remotely care to address!

This woman is upsetting the daily balance and chemistry of a growing family and should be out of there!

She can qualify for public housing assistance on an emergency need basis. As soon as she gets word, get her out of your house and have a long talk with your H about not caring about your or your children's opinions on this subject matter!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> This makes me wonder.... why don't these women in trouble have women friends to help them.


That, and because these women keep trying to steal other women's men.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Nothing to add as far as what you should do. I just want to be sure there is ZERO misunderstanding on one VERY important item:

Your husband wants to screw her. Of that I have no doubt. NONE. If she wants it as well, it's a done deal. 

I like the idea of a VAR in their chat/getting high together room. I can guarantee THAT will be an education.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> ...their chat/getting high together room.


I just read that again. Just the fact that such a room even EXISTS...


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Oh wow, what a mess. I'm sorry, but no sense in fighting this battle with OW; you have already lost the war. 

Your husband will leave with her. He stupidly thinks he loves her. Get lawyered up. He will side with her. It is going to get ugly when you confront him. Be ready to call the police, in order to get them the hell out of YOUR home. She thinks she has the upper hand here, in fact she knows it. Have no doubt, she's bedded him alright. find your rightful anger in order to save your assets, your husband is a fool. Protect what you will need in order to minimize the damage this affair will cause in your children's lives. This user of an OW is here to take your family to the cleaners, So to speak. She has no compassion or honest feelings. She is a parasite!

Bibi


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I need some help please. I think I am going crazy.


Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> Little background:
> Things were good. No problems at all. There was no jealousy or trust issues . . . until now. And I think it is me.


Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> There is this woman my husband ran into a few weeks ago (he knows her from school days). From the first time he told me he ran into her he couldn't stop talking about her. He went to the restaurant where she worked several times - made excuses so that he could go there. I had this feeling for the first time, that feeling that he is more interested in her than what he is revealing to me. I asked him if he is interested in her more than he should be. He got angry and said no.


Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> Well two weeks after that my husband got extremely intoxicated (he never drinks). It was really weird. Anyways - he got very angry and unreasonable and in the heat of the moment just said "I am going to screw her". The next morning I asked him about it and he said that he can't even remember it. I should let it go because he surely didn't mean it.


Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> Her boyfriend kicked her out and my husband brought her home three weeks ago. Said she had nowhere else to go.


Have you considered that perhaps the reason that her boyfriend kicked her out is her relationship w/ your husband?

Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> The two of them chats and has coffee while I am asleep at night. I have tried to tell him that she should move out because I am not happy but he avoids the subject and says that he doesn't have any problem with her in our house.


Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> Now - everyone keeps telling me that if I trust my husband, this wouldn't be a problem for me.


That's just stupid. Why would ANYONE trust a spouse that brought home someone of the opposite sex?

And to STAY, no less...? 

Kick her out.



Houwshoulinou said:


> Is it just my insecurity? Was I actually always a jealous wife and didn't know it? Am I unreasonable? Please give me some advice. I am so unhappy at this moment.


Seriously, kick her out, but realize this...

Your husband is the real problem here, at least where you're concerned.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> This makes me wonder.... why don't these women in trouble have women friends to help them.


LOL I have a friend who is in need but I would NEVER let her move in with me, I already added her to my cell phone plan so she can save money on her phone, and that has backfired, I would never let her stay with me, I think it goes to how men think they are helping versus how women think they are helping LOL.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Houw,

There is no way on earth this woman should be in contact with your children, she is an evil influence on them, and your H being in love with this woman has a reduced capacity to protect them. 

Then there is the boyfriend who threw her out, there is a good chance he knows your H is the OM, and may retaliate against all of you.

PLEASE GET HER OUT NOW!!!

Tamat


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Don't feel bad, Houwshoulinou. 20 years ago when \i was in my 30s. I would have blindly agreed to this arrangement as well.

these days, I know before anything happens, it's a trains wreck , just waiting to happen.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TRy said:


> It does not matter what they are saying right now, what your husband is doing is wrong, and you should not stand for it. If this woman were an ugly woman 30 years older than him, you can bet that he would not have moved her in and that he would not care that her boyfriend threw her out. BTW, I wonder if the boyfriend threw her out because of her relationship with your husband.


You are right that it does not matter what they are saying. Just him brining this woman into the house without his wife's consent, spending time with her, etc is enough.

The only reason I suggested the VAR is to give her some 'evidence' to strengthen her own resolve.

Also because once the woman is gone, she has to deal with her husband. He's going to down play it and be on the attack against her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EVG39 said:


> Great advice so far. I would add one more thing you, and maybe especially your husband need, to be aware about. Damaged women like your new housemate don't exist in a vacuum. They almost always have some rather unsavory acquaintances attached for multiple reasons and purposes. They are very likely to surface in the very near future and don't be surprised if they don't end up on your doorstep as well. For example don't be shocked when your husband ends up receiving a not too friendly visit from a violent, drug using male "friend" of his little lost lamb. Or a couple of her partying buddies show up at your place when your aren't present since you are such a "downer" . But your kids are.
> This situation is not just toxic for your marriage but quite possibly dangerous in ways that you and your husband have little understanding of at the moment. It needs to end immediately.
> I would give him an ultimatum. Either she goes today, or she and he go today. His choice. But it happens today.


Sadly I've had to deal with some unsavory characters as my step children had drug problems (step son still does). You are so right about the types of characters that might show up and the damage they can do. One thing that they did was to steal from me.. lots of things that I did not notice were gone until too late.

It got to bad that when I moved to my new home in January, I did not tell my stepson where I moved to. He asked and I told him no. And if he ever shows up at my door I will call the police to have him removed.

People with drug problems are a danger to you and your children.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

You're obviously not overreacting, and you definitely need to get her out and away from your children. However, I don't think that will solve the problem -- I'd bet your husband will continue trying to be wherever she is.

The behavior so far is enough to really drop the hammer over, but if you need more, follow others' advice and get a VAR. If you need more advice on VAR's and other evidence gathering work, this thread is invaluable:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

Also, see if your state considers infidelity in divorce cases. If so, once you find out he's being a turd for sure, lawyer up and get court-approved evidence, so you're prepared when that time comes.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I also agree that she needs to leave, today!!!! This is so unreasonable I am amazed your husband even tried to do this, especially since you have kids.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

NextTimeAround said:


> This makes me wonder.... why don't these women in trouble have women friends to help them.


Because a man will start thinking with his small head instead of the big one if he think he has a chance at getting between the woman's legs.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

get rid of this woman. and then of your husband, if neccessary.

REally, women he knew long time agon, in his school days, now all of the sudden he is the only person in her life to save her? it is not like she is his lifetime friend in a need. She is someone from the past, passing by your life and trying to destroy it.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I will try the voice recording route first. *There is a chance that he is not doing what I think he is doing.*


There is no chance. Do you think he is spending time with her and not you? He is. Do you he was wrong to bring her into your home? He was. Do you feel he is neglecting his children for her? He is. Do you think he is using drugs with her in your home? He is. Do you believe he wants her sexually? He does.

And at the risk of being repetitive, KICK HER OUT.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Kick her out, or take the kids and leave yourself, thats what I would do. I could never tolerate living like that. I would have to make it a very clear "Her or Me" and if the answer wasnt immediately me, I would not fight a minute for a man like that, I would leave in a heartbeat.

I have been an equestrian my entire life. I find there are many parallels to horse ownership and relationships, in most ways they are built on all the same stuff, trust, understanding, love, good stuff. Great horses can be ruined by poor handling, they can develop behaviors that are extremely dangerous to us, that they think benefits them greatly (often does in the short term, but they cant think in the long term, they are horses). It doesnt matter what that horse used to be, once they get what they want a couple times with this new "go to" behavior, that is now the horse they are. Some people don't get it, that this once good, gentle horse, now has this dangerous new behavior, and they think they can save the horse with love, and end up getting themselves very hurt. People have to know when to cut their losses, when to walk away from a very dangerous situation.

Thats the same feeling i get from your situation. Its likely not dangerous in the physical sense, but in the emotional/mental sense. This is your new husband, this is his new go to behavior, this new woman and the lifestyle he is quickly slipping into with her.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You husband is 40 and this woman is 34?

How did you husband come to know this woman from their school days if she is 6 years younger? Did he baby sit her or something? 

This isn't making sense.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> You husband is 40 and this woman is 34?
> 
> How did you husband come to know this woman from their school days if she is 6 years younger? Did he baby sit her or something?
> 
> This isn't making sense.


Maybe he flunked?


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

I don't live in the USA. Our school system isn't the same as yours


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Can't read all the responses but you should talk to a lawyer and see what can be done about evicting your unwanted houseguest and having your H served divorce papers.

He is a bag of cat crap with herpes.

To move the slimy skank he is cheating with into your family home?

He has her around you and your children?

Justifiable homicide in the making.

Toughen up and destroy this moron in divorce court. You can do better.
Believe it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

He's treating you like a sap because he can. Grow some ovaries my dear and stand up for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

I thought about the VRD but even before I could devise a plan to do so I totally lost.

I told my husband that either she goes or they both go. I also told him that even if she goes there still remains the problem between him and me. Also that he should never have exposed us to this situation in the first place so every day that passes makes him more in the wrong.

I don't think I am naive if I say that nothing has happened between them yet. 

He asked her to leave an half an hour ago. But I am so angry with him at this moment.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

To a heterosexual male there are only three kinds of women. There are blood relatives, women we would have sex with and women we wouldn't have sex with. That's it. Unless she's Jabba the Hut or your husband's sister, she's in group #2. There have always been homeless people but he hasn't brought home any homeless guys or homeless ugly, old women. We don't need to confuse him with some missionary who opens his door to all people in need. To summarize your position, your husband brought a woman he's sexually interested in into your home. The tiger does not bring meat into his den because he wants to give meat a place to stay. 

This is a very bad situation for the obvious reason I stated above and also because he's completely disrespectful of you and your feelings/fears, etc. I would not bring anyone into my home against my wife's wishes. It is her home, too. If this was really about helping out this poor waif, giving her money would make more sense than giving her weed. There is no need for him to engage in late night conversations with her if all this just about giving a homeless person a bed. If he hasn't nailed her he intends or hopes to do so. That's just the bottom line. 

One might capture something incriminating on a video recorder but what are you going to learn about this guy that you don't already know? He obviously could care less how you feel. He knows jack about this person and puts his family and property at risk by allowing her into your home. I will assume he is a heterosexual male as he married you and you have kids. He likes sex and she's got it. You did not invite her into your home, he did. Would having a video of them getting it on prove that he disregards your feelings, puts you and your kids at risk? Would it prove he is a guy who likes sex? I think you already know the answers to those questions. 

I'd suggest you clearly inform him that either one person is going to be leaving the home or two will. He can drive her to a shelter or he can drive himself and her to some other abode. If she and her crap aren't gone 24 hours later, throw them both out, change the locks, and have an attorney draw up the papers. Marriage isn't a part time position.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

intheory said:


> You said in your OP, that you didn't want to be known as a jealous woman. Why? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being jealous and possessive of your spouse. A _*healthy*_ amount of jealousy and possessiveness is a sign of a good relationship. It indicates that you care; and that the other person matters to you a great deal. Don't let the jealousy shame tactic be used against you; at least in any future relationship.


I agree.

Also, I'd rather be labelled "jealous" than be someone who allows herself to be disrespected.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You've put your foot down and that's fantastic, but I don't think he'll give her up without a fight. She may be out of the house, but that doesn't mean she'll be out of your life. He'll try to turn it around on you, to make you doubt yourself, make you seem like you're loony but it'll all just be to keep her in his life.

I wouldn't be shy in telling her never to step foot in your house again if I were you, though that won't stop him from visiting her of course, at least it might stop them from thinking they can play footsies under the kitchen table with you sitting right there.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whether it's your bank account, your jewelry, your kids, or your marriage, if you value something you protect it. If your guy still has the breath of life in him, there are other women who want him. If he is straight and has a pulse, he finds other women sexually interesting. I seriously doubt your husband would be cool with you bringing in a younger, good looking homeless man into your home and whiling away your nights smoking dope and chatting with him. If he would be fine with that arrangement it would only mean he didn't treasure being married to you. 

Whenever a married heterosexual hangs out with someone of the opposite sex in private for any length of time, the devil always includes himself. If drugs or alcohol are involved, Satan's presence is practically mandatory. No married person is so devoted or in love that they are completely immune to being lured into an affair.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Good, she is leaving. He is staying. Now is a good time to place a VAR on the bottom seat of the car he uses to get proof of his cheating a$$. I hope this will be the end of her at your home, but she most certainly is not out of your life. 

Thank you for posting the updates. Keep posting even if our responses are harsh. Your story is painful and unique to you, but here it's all too common. Unfortunately the endings are always the same. There is an affair going on every dang time.

(((Hugs))))

Bibi


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

This is wrong on soooo many levels.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Houw,

I believe you said this woman is a drug addict, if that is true there is a good chance she has either had indiscriminate and dangerous sex or even engaged in prostitution, it is also likely your H has had sex with this woman

Given the above please do not have relations with your H for the next few months minimum, to avoid transmission of some horrible disease to you, as your children need a functioning Mother.

Tamat


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## perol (Oct 6, 2015)

Just the fact that he is unwilling to consider your feelings is a big problem in of itself.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EVG39 said:


> Great advice so far. I would add one more thing you, and maybe especially your husband need, to be aware about. *Damaged women like your new housemate don't exist in a vacuum. They almost always have some rather unsavory acquaintances attached for multiple reasons and purposes. They are very likely to surface in the very near future and don't be surprised if they don't end up on your doorstep as well. For example don't be shocked when your husband ends up receiving a not too friendly visit from a violent, drug using male "friend" of his little lost lamb. Or a couple of her partying buddies show up at your place when your aren't present since you are such a "downer" . But your kids are. *
> 
> *This situation is not just toxic for your marriage but quite possibly dangerous in ways that you and your husband have little understanding of at the moment. It needs to end immediately.
> I would give him an ultimatum. Either she goes today, or she and he go today. His choice. But it happens today*.












So true...your husband , for whatever reason is being blinded right now.. maybe he has that white knight syndrome thing going on where he wants to save this woman.. but what could potentially come upon *your family*.. given her background.. this is no small matter...she needs to GO !


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

Update:


So after a major fall out yesterday after she left (to live at my Husbands parents next door to us) I was told that I disappointed him. He thought that I trusted him. He would never even thought about doing what I had suggested (even though he said it). He is innocent of everything. He wasn't spending inappropriate time with her - I was dreaming. 

I sent her a message this morning to tell her that it just didn't work with all of us under one roof. I did send the message as this is very awkward situation about the location she moved to.

Well - the only call I got this morning from my husband is to ask whether she replied to my message. So I asked if we could have ONE day without this woman. 

I am waiting for his mom to call me back. I am going to have a talk with her. I want to know if he has checked in to find out about her while the storm was on the verge of coming down on him. If that is what he did, I will be absolutely certain that he is more involved with her than he is claiming to be.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Houwshoulinou said:


> Update:
> 
> 
> So after a major fall out yesterday after she left (to live at my Husbands parents next door to us) I was told that I disappointed him. He thought that I trusted him. He would never even thought about doing what I had suggested (even though he said it). He is innocent of everything. He wasn't spending inappropriate time with her - I was dreaming.


Yep, turned it around on you. Not surprising at all.

He hurt you but he's not going to make it right; he's going to try make you feel worse about it so he can continue on his merry way guilt free. He even moved her next door so he could keep her close. That's really low.

As for his parents taking her in, that is incredibly inappropriate.

I don't think you'll get anywhere by talking to this woman. She's not your friend and never has been. She didn't even try while living in YOUR house! She's a leech.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Houwshoulinou said:


> So after a major fall out yesterday after she left (to live at my Husbands parents next door to us) I was told that I disappointed him. He thought that I trusted him. He would never even thought about doing what I had suggested (even though he said it). He is innocent of everything. He wasn't spending inappropriate time with her - I was dreaming.


You know what? F*ck him and his hurt feelings. Another woman does not belong in your home no matter what, especially if you aren't comfortable with it. I would tell him if he really doesn't like it that much, he can move in with his mother too. This situation is far from over and I get the feeling that if he isn't involved with her physically, he's deeply involved emotionally.

Edit: Do speak with your Mother in Law too. She is not helping a bad situation by keeping this woman next door to you. Not only is your MIL disrespecting you by doing this, she made it easy for you husband to see this woman any time he wants. Your MIL is not being a friend to your marriage.


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

I agree. I don't think it is physical yet but I tried to explain to him that he is emotionally too involved and he denied it. AND he contacted her again


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Tell him you never had trust issues until he gave you reason to. Until recently you trusted him to love and cherish you, and to put your marriage first- you trusted him not to invite other women into your marriage and family. You trusted him to set and example to your children about how a wife should be treated, and you trusted him to protect you and put your feelings first. He has broken your trust.

He is behaving this way because he thinks he can and that you will still be there. Start working on you, go out have fun, do nice things for yourself, talk to lawyer about a divorce (you don't have to go through with it), let him see you are thinking about moving on with your life. Go to counseling, and remember you deserve to be treated well, cherished and respected. 

If he wants to make the marriage work tell him you will only consider it if this woman is completely out of your lives (and your inlaws house). If he agrees to be proactive in future about protecting your marriage, and he will have counseling. That's just for start. 

That's what I would do. And yes it can be scary but if he doesn't get a huge wakeup call, he will keep on keeping on.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

The Middleman said:


> Your MIL is not being a friend of your marriage.


You really didn't need this additional problem of the MIL. 

If she's living next door, she's not out of your life. It sounds as though your husband is infatuated with her and either doesn't want to see that, or has convinced himself that he's not. 

I would not contact the MIL. The woman is out of your house. Go about your business as usual. If your H starts spending time over at his mother's place, tell him to stay there. 

And there is no need to justify ANYTHING with respect to the other woman. You don't need a reason for not wanting her in your house.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I agree. I don't think it is physical yet but I tried to explain to him that he is emotionally too involved and he denied it. AND he contacted her again


Let him deny it all he wants, but you need to let him know that he is now putting the marriage at risk and if doesn't go no contact with this POSOW, you are prepared to end the marriage. Remember: you need to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I agree. I don't think it is physical yet but I tried to explain to him that he is emotionally too involved and he denied it. AND he contacted her again


You're probably right. I bet he invited her over because he intended to play Chess. If she had been a 400 lb 65 year old, he would have invited her into your home because that's just the sort of saint he is.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Better yet, stop getting into lengthy discussions with him about it. It only weakens your position.

"I am not okay with another woman being involved in our relationship."

If he does not like that, too bad. If he tries to get into lengthy discussions about it, make that statement and walk away.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, I agree with the posters here. The Other Woman is not out of your life. In fact, your husband has created another havoc and that is involving your in-laws next door in his charade. This woman means more to him than you. He is making sure that she is close and is safe. 

See an attorney asap to protect your rights. Be ready to leave this man. What he is doing is really low. You posted that your in-laws said that if they were you, they would hit him with a tree. Well, they didn't do it, but enabled him to continue with his affair! Yes, I believe he is having an affair.

Sorry, you are here. This must be heartbreaking for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She moved in with his parents next door? That's quite an affront to you. Have no doubt that she will be in your house with your husband when you are not home.

Get a VAR or two and hide them in your house. That way you will be able to find out what's going on when you are not there.

If it were me, I'd get hidden camera and put it where they are most likely hang out in the house.

He and his family have a lot of nerve to do this.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I don't understand the talk about VARs and whatnot. This guy is massively disrespectful, not loving in the leas and a real serious douche nozzle. What more information does she need?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't understand the talk about VARs and whatnot. This guy is massively disrespectful, not loving in the leas and a real serious douche nozzle. What more information does she need?


For some people, that's enough to end a relationship.

Other people need more proof. I believe that the OP is one of them.

She has a problem with both her husband and her in-laws, they seem to be the type to support their son no matter what.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Oh wow, now he got ole mom and dad involved too. Get the VARs as soon as possible. You don't need them for court but you do need them for proof of his disrespect!

Time to get him on tape, so to speak. What a nasty way to cheat.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I need some help please. I think I am going crazy.
> 
> Little background:
> Things were good. No problems at all. There was no jealousy or trust issues . . . until now. And I think it is me.
> ...


Hell no this is not your problem it is your husband's. Get that ***** out of your home. Tell him if he wants to be around her pack his and her **** and get the fvck out of your home. No marriage can withstand another person in the middle. Especially having alone time together while your asleep. This is so not right on so many levels. 
Throw her out yourself if he won't. Pack her stuff and politely set her on her way. I'm sure she has other friends.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I have talked to him about this and he turned it around and said that I am bringing tension into our home. I was angry that he was spending all his time at home with her and not with me and the kids.
> 
> He has even gone to his parents and told them how unreasonable I am for being angry with him.


This is total BS pack her stuff and take it to her job and then tell her not to come back to your house and stay away from your family and husband. Tell his family what he doing and spending more time with her than his own wife and kids. Get the recorder and put one where they sit and one in the room she is staying in. If he's not fvcking her already then it won't be long.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Houwshoulinou said:


> Does she have family that lives around there?
> 
> Does she have her own car, or does your husband ever drive her around?
> 
> ...


No - her family doesn't speak to her because of previous drug abuse.
She doesn't own a car and my husband sometimes drive her.

They are alone yes. I drive the children around and so on after I get home from work.

Everyone knows about her living there. No one knows the background to this.[/QUOTE]
Tell everyone the background of this woman she's not what your family needs in your lives. Get rid of her before she destroys your family. Grow a back bone and stand firm for what you know is right.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> This just gets better... NOT!
> 
> The VAR would be a very good idea when you are not at home and they are alone. You can hide it so that they don't find it.
> 
> My sister did this. She was sure that her fiancé was cheating. So she put on under their bed. Sure enough. He was bringing his old girlfriend home during lunch to have sex in their bed. She caught it all on the VAR.


Put a recorder in the car as well


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I know nothing about her. She doesn't really talk to me about these type of things. She talks to my husband.
> 
> My husband has been smoking marijuana. They both do. I don't


I had a feeling she was getting him to use drugs with her. Bad News call the cops and tip them off to her having drugs and give them her place of work


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I live in New Mexico. It's really easy here to look up a person's police/criminal record on line. I just go to the court system website and a search on their name.
> 
> One of my sisters lives in FL. She had a renter who was causing her problems. I looked up his record in FL and found out that he had a record form his wife calling the police to have him put in a mental hospital for observation.. over and over.
> 
> ...


what website do you use for this? Do you have to pay for it? 

Sorry for the thread hijack but I have reason to look someone up as well. 

Thanks Elle.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Houwshoulinou said:


> His parents told him that they would have hit him over the head with a tree trunk if they were me.


See even his parents know he's doing wrong. Now you have to woman up and throw them both out. If that's what it takes to knock some sense back into him. Yes definitely way in over his head and thinking with the little head.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Nothing to add as far as what you should do. I just want to be sure there is ZERO misunderstanding on one VERY important item:
> 
> Your husband wants to screw her. Of that I have no doubt. NONE. If she wants it as well, it's a done deal.
> 
> I like the idea of a VAR in their chat/getting high together room. I can guarantee THAT will be an education.


Amen he desperately wants to screw her and with her being a junkie God knows what awful diseases she has just waiting for him and YOU between her legs.... Don't sleep with him until you have him std tested


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

The Middleman said:


> You know what? F*ck him and his hurt feelings. Another woman does not belong in your home no matter what, especially if you aren't comfortable with it. I would tell him if he really doesn't like it that much, he can move in with his mother too. This situation is far from over and I get the feeling that if he isn't involved with her physically, he's deeply involved emotionally.
> 
> Edit: Do speak with your Mother in Law too. She is not helping a bad situation by keeping this woman next door to you. Not only is your MIL disrespecting you by doing this, she made it easy for you husband to see this woman any time he wants. Your MIL is not being a friend to your marriage.


I agree tell his parents you do not appreciate them taking her in when you wanted her completely gone and out of your lives. They are not helping this situation at all. They just reconfirmed his feelings of there's nothing wrong with this.. you are fighting a losing battle unfortunately.


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## txcowby8 (Mar 29, 2015)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I agree. I don't think it is physical yet but I tried to explain to him that he is emotionally too involved and he denied it. AND he contacted her again


Kick him out too


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Houwshoulinou said:


> Update:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Let's just be clear about one thing, this really is more of a small addendum than an update. She did not move out if all she did was move next door with his parents. It is you who should be disappointed with him. When he throws that "I'm disappointed you don't trust me", garbage, you need to have a stoic stare as if to say "because I don't". 

As long as she is in his (your husbands, with all that you have described) life, this will not end well. And, I would put that all on his plate with a straight face, no yelling and serious tone. I say no holds bar, this has to end and end now. He needs to sever all contact with her. She is an adult and it is up to her to find her own way in life and not yours or your husband's responsibility. I'm all for lending a helping hand but your description does not sound like this is one of those cases.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

Your ILs lied to you about supporting you re: your H's actions with this woman as they are allowing her to live with them and your H gets to screw her without your interference. Your ILs don't support your family much, so they are now CO from your kids.

I would call the police and report her drug activity - it is more than just use as she is supplying your H now - and let them know where she is living. Not only will she face some consequences but your ILs will as well for helping destroy your family and hurt their grandchildren. They don't deserve to see your kids.

IamSomebody


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MRR said:


> what website do you use for this? Do you have to pay for it?
> 
> Sorry for the thread hijack but I have reason to look someone up as well.
> 
> Thanks Elle.


Most states have a site that is free.

I'm in New Mexico. So here's the link for the site I used in NM: https://caselookup.nmcourts.gov/caselookup/app

If you tell me your state, I'll see if I can find the site for your state. 

You might want to PM me so as to not further hijack this thread.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Geez...she moved next door?!?

This story reminds of the "The Cat Came Back" song. 

What's wrong with your in-laws?

My solution...you need to find yourself a homeless, handsome man who really needs your help and create a "chat/watching him workout" room in your house.

Then, tell your husband that he's taught you a valuable lesson about being a good spouse and if he complains...tell him you're disappointed in him.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Are the ILs aware of the drug use?

Sorry, this doesn't seem sudden at all. The willingness of the ILs to move her in screams she's been a side piece for a while and they know her.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Houwshoulinou said:


> Update:
> 
> 
> So after a major fall out yesterday after she left (to live at my Husbands parents next door to us) I was told that I disappointed him. He thought that I trusted him. He would never even thought about doing what I had suggested (even though he said it). He is innocent of everything. He wasn't spending inappropriate time with her - I was dreaming. YOur H is unbelieveable as he still thinks he did nothing wrong! Even his parents agreed! Tell him that you will not have a druggie in your house , with your kids, etc and if he is so inclined he can also move out, better still get the divorce papers. he doesn't give a s*** about you, it is so obvious because he thinks you will just accept this. He is disrespecting you big time. You have to create a fire under his a** so that he will be so busy putting it out that he has no time to think about her, get a lawyer now. If he still goes after her then you are headed for a split anyhow.
> ...


Get a lawyer, draw up divorce papers, tell his parents what you think is happening and you are not standing for it, they will support you. Also tell your family, friends, etc about him moving a woman into your house, then into his parents house, etc. He will look bad, not you. Be resolute, do not give in. Wonder how he would feel if you moved a man into the house then just next door. You H is a complete and utter idiot!


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

You need to get a male friend or any male you can trust to MOVE IN THE HOUSE ASAP!! Thats right, move a dude in as well and lets see how your h likes them apples!!! mono a mono DUDE


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Monkey to monkey? :scratchhead:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hand to hand. Also, in this instance could mean what's good for the goose is good for the gander.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't you mean ... mano a mano.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Houwshoulinou said:


> I have talked to him about this and he turned it around and said that I am bringing tension into our home. I was angry that he was spending all his time at home with her and not with me and the kids.
> 
> He has even gone to his parents and told them how unreasonable I am for being angry with him.


"You're free to let this woman stay in my home and/or continue to be around you. Because if you do not send her away, I will no longer be living here."


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Is there any update from the OP?


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## Houwshoulinou (Oct 13, 2015)

HI Everyone

Thank you for all the responses to my initial post. 

Update:
She is still living with his parents. They all are now very friendly towards her. It does look like I am on a jealous rampage to them. Things like "oh I won't talk about her in front of you because I know it upsets you" is being flung around now.

Last week he got the call (the damsel in distress again) and even though we were fighting constantly he rushed next door to hear what her distress is about this time. This was a two day fight because I told him the previous day that he should distance himself from her.

Two days ago she called my husband. I answered. She told me that things are bad and she needed to speak to my husband. They talked. The next day (she comes over uninvited) she comes to our house saying to me "I am very upset". I asked why and she said She doesn't want to talk to me about it. 

What I have realized this past week:
1. My husband is absolutely infatuated with her.
2. He is defending her at my cost
3. I am now the enemy of their friendship
4. She is not a friend of my marriage - she wants what I have
5. She is very manipulative
6. My husband plays naive when it suits him.
7. She has not interest to get support from us - she just needs him


He says that he sees that she is manipulative but his actions doesn't show it. He still maintains that I am not being reasonable. I told him that he is not to have any contact with her because he has not set one boundary where she is concerned.

I am at loss for words at this moment.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

At this point, he's clearly not going to follow any boundaries you have in place for him in regards to this woman. Your in laws are harboring your husband's mistress (or would be mistress) and are encouraging it.

I'd call a lawyer and start discussing where I stood. He or they are not going to stop, so he either needs some encouragement to do so (getting served) or you accept this as your new status quo forever.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Houwshoulinou said:


> HI Everyone
> 
> What I have realized this past week:
> 1.  My husband is absolutely infatuated with her.
> ...


OP, this is heartbreaking for you. You are living my nightmare in a marriage. Your husband has lost all respect for you. You have been advised to see a lawyer to protect your rights. You need to divorce and move away from this environment. You are a tortured soul and you will slowly, but surely lose your mind.

I read your first post over. This woman is no stranger to your husband. He knew her from high school years. He pursued her by visiting her at her workplace. When she got kicked out by her boyfriend, he rescued her. How valiant of your husband. He is orbiting to get into her heart and mind. You are Plan B. He will continue to treat you like a doormat and second best.

The longer you stay in this environment, the more stressed you will become. As time rolls on, you will become weaker. Have you no family nor friends to fall back on? Can you financially stand on your own feet or do you have to stay in this nightmare of a marriage to financially survive? You said that he is 40 and she is 34. These two are way too old for this scenario.

Truly sorry that you are in this situation.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

As you have been told, the ONLY thing that will have ANY effect at this point is him seeing you filing for divorce.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I agree with all the other posters here since your update. She's replaced you as a priority in his life, and you will remain a lower priority. The only thing you can do is file for divorce, which will get you one of two things: 1) he will wake up and realize what he's been doing, or 2) you will be free from this idiot who doesn't realize what he's had in you and is now throwing away.

You have to be willing to give up your marriage in order to save it. Can you do that? Because you deserve better than this bullsh!t, but the only way anyone else will see that and respect it is if you are willing to stand up and walk away from this marriage.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Kick him out of the house by whatever legal means you have at your disposal. I can't even believe this.


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