# Angry Depressed Husband - realizing the cycle of emotional abuse.



## UniversalLove (Mar 12, 2021)

My husband and I own a business together. Which for many is stressful these days. Because I’m the driving force of the business I have now not only been blamed for everything happening but also for every decision in the last 4 years that has led him to here.

Although alternative options given to him for his input - I can see that me and my passionate ways could be convincing. However, as a wife, I have always tried to be supportive of him doing whatever would make him happy. It just feels that it’s easier for him to go along with my plan then blame me when things aren’t exactly how he expects or wants.

I’m expected to be perfect. Every mistake, flaw, hurtful part of me if free material to be used against me in his blame game. Then when things are better and the money is flowing all his disrespect and sheer meanness is forgotten. Witnesses to the behaviour, including staff, can’t understand why I’m tolerant. ‘He needs a punching bag, not a wife’ is commonly said to me. I am now only just realising the seriousness of emotionally abuse. I’m now on prescribed Xanax and trying to focus on stabilising myself.

I have tried to persuade him to get real help. He was on lexapro for a while but on his last blow up decided he’s not going to take any medication because her shouldn’t need them’. I’ve always tried to be supportive, understanding and patient due to his depression. I try to tell myself he can’t help it and hold tight until a spell of sunshine comes his way. He cycles mostly with money and when he has to do things he doesn’t want to. Ie he’ll shout at me for not doing enough housework but won’t do anything himself.

Our business is now turning a corner which means he’s coming out of his anger/depression spell. It’s hard to know that money is more important to him than our marriage. He said to me ‘if you don’t fix the business I don’t know if we have a marriage’. This is the first time that all my patience and understanding just melted away.The realisation that this man can so easily forget why he’s with me.

But then yes. He has the anger/depression - with the low testosterone. And I have to find a way to be happy with no physical affection initiated by him, no sex initiated by him, no romance, no intimacy, no words. And then to be told ‘I’m still here and I haven’t cheated on you’ as if I should be grateful. And I keep having to say it’s his illness.

I go through my life challenges alone, he goes through them with me by his side - protecting him and bringing him enrichment in ways that he ‘never asked me to’ so why am I doing it? This is the question I am asking myself, as I sit here at 5am up for hours, in my own separate room.

I moved far from home to start a new life with this man. Day my day my future dreams I had for us a fading away. I tried to build a future for us the was financially free but it takes a few years of hard work and due to the times lots of suffering. But instead of standing with me through the hard times he turned against me and somehow now I am the one seeing forgiveness. As if he’s been perfect. Not saying I am. But I don’t expect him to be.

Anyways, I don’t know if others will identify with my rant, but it has certainly helped me to get it off my chest.

I know he needs help, I know we need help if there is a chance of reconciliation. something is just different this time... this time I’m looking at the whole relationship and for the first time asking myself - is it time to just accept that he probably needs someone who is a lot less feeling and full of love as I am. And did I end up in this relationship due to having narcissistic parents? And is it time for me to move on - make myself whole again - and be more cautious of where I put my love in the future. It will take me about a year to get my ducks in a row soI haven’t pressured myself to make a decision. But I know he won’t actively try to do anything to save our marriage and I no longer feel like I have the capacity to be the fixer. You can’t fix a relationship alone and my soul is worn out by this man that everyday I love a little less and I can’t even reason with myself about it anymore.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

How long have you been married? Have you ever been to counseling, for YOURSELF...?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bravo!!! OP you are smart and you understand how things will go if you continue to be with him. 

There is nothing worse than being the fixer. And being with an emotionally abusive and manipulative partner. You know he isn’t going to change, or put in real effort. He might try to bait you and pretending though. 

There’s a big difference between giving up and knowing when enough is enough. You can free yourself from this.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I stopped reading half way through.... it was already obvious he is a piece of garbage. Understanding he is the cause of you being on meds is a big wake up call. You sound like an intelligent person to me... the only thing your missing is recapturing your independence. He is EXACTLY the type to cry a river when you drop divorce on him. He will feed you a bucket of BS about how he will do better. Don’t fall for it.


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