# Moving On, Unfulfilled Expectations, and New Opportunities



## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

So here was my fantasy post-separating: Move cross country, get a cute apartment in a snazzy area, reconnect with old friends, pursue my dream career, become a big success, and upgrade to a cute home in an even snazzier area. :smthumbup:

Here's what happened: Moved cross country, got a snazzy apartment, reconnected with old and even more wonderful friends, pursued dream career to small success, and now with a recent rent increase, cannot afford my snazzy apartment or the area in general. 

My dream career is really competitive (arts) and I need to build a new portfolio, which takes a lot of time. Unfortunately, with a rent increase at my new place and my general not-so-great income, that time is up. It's been very stressful as the economy is fairly crappy here, and even coffee shop jobs are very competitive. 

A family friend around my age has offered me the opportunity to be a caretaker at their vacation home. It's about 3 hours away from Big City (where I currently live) and in a remote area of the mountains. They only use it for about 2-3 weeks out of the entire year so I would pretty much have it to myself. 

I am so thankful to have the opportunity, but I am also beating up myself a bit. I've always been very independent and having to live in someone's vacation home (who is my age) is making me feel slightly pathetic. But it really would be the best option for me to get my portfolio together and try to make my dream a stustainable reality. I just hate needing and asking for help - makes me feel weak and like a burden to the people I care about. Then again, nature, mountains, and art sounds pretty amazing. I have never lived in the country or even the suburbs before. 

It's been 15 months since separating from my ex and I have already moved 3 times and am still struggling to get my life together and figure out my place in this world. I am feeling emotionally/physically/spiritually stronger overall but I really thought I'd be in a more stable place by now. 

For those of you who have been separated/divorced longer, does it get better? This life is so different from my previous one I feel as though I'm unsteady on my feet.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

bravenewworld said:


> So here was my fantasy post-separating: Move cross country, get a cute apartment in a snazzy area, reconnect with old friends, pursue my dream career, become a big success, and upgrade to a cute home in an even snazzier area. :smthumbup:
> 
> Here's what happened: Moved cross country, got a snazzy apartment, reconnected with old and even more wonderful friends, pursued dream career to small success, and now with a recent rent increase, cannot afford my snazzy apartment or the area in general.
> 
> ...


I don't think you have any idea of the value of a good and honest caretaker who is not going to trash the place or sell things out from under the owner or sublet. What, you are going to create art while providing a useful service? No problem. But hopefully you will have some income while there, not just a place to stay and a long drive to the food pantry...

Life never gets easier but you get better at it, and as you grow older there are some things that just stop bugging you because you feel that with the amount of time left, perfect isn't necessary, good enough works just fine and a good day is one where you eat well and don't get shot, mugged or insulted. You're going to wake up in the morning in a beautiful home you don't have to pay rent or mortgage on, how is that not success?

And someone trusts you to watch their vacation home????
I don't think you've been out in the world quite enough, that is success.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

The caretaker gig sounds like a great opportunity to get your portfolio together and save some money! BUT...are you going to be able to bring in an income if you stay there?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> The caretaker gig sounds like a great opportunity to get your portfolio together and save some money! BUT...are you going to be able to bring in an income if you stay there?


I bet one caretaker job will lead to another. I know of someone who did this professionally, can also do people's shopping and set up when they are coming for their vacations...as well as looking after year-round residents' homes and pets and plants and kids when they go away.

Doing errand such as taking cars and such in for maintenance. 

If you keep track of income and expenses, can even get earned income credit. Plus with new health care initiative, easier to do this than it used to be. Don't have to worry so much about being able to afford health insurance. 

Some people even want their extra cars to be driven while they're away...keeps the oil circulating and the tires from sitting, etc. 

Then there are the vaca opportunities, people that learn that you're trustworthy and want to travel but not alone.

Go with the flow. Why not live in the midst of people who can buy your art and have connections that would be useful.

Just live the dream and stay in it until reality bites, or it becomes reality, or you decide you just don't care if it's real or not so long as you're still having a life that makes sense, or makes more sense than the alternatives available.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

bravenewworld said:


> So here was my fantasy post-separating: Move cross country, get a cute apartment in a snazzy area, reconnect with old friends, pursue my dream career, become a big success, and upgrade to a cute home in an even snazzier area. :smthumbup:
> 
> Here's what happened: Moved cross country, got a snazzy apartment, reconnected with old and even more wonderful friends, pursued dream career to small success, and now with a recent rent increase, cannot afford my snazzy apartment or the area in general.
> 
> ...


I understand everything you are saying here. I have fought through the financial woes after divorce and also had so many dreams that could not have come to fruition because of money. But....I learned to look at this in another way...

Look, you have a blank canvas that is your life right now. Sorry for the pun. You are going to make some decisions that suck and you will just have to paint over them. I think this is an awesome opportunity to grow by living in a different area. You don't have to make it there forever. Suck up the ego about this being your friends home who is the same age as you and just do it. You said you have never lived in the country? Well, I spent 18 years trying to get out of the country and now all I can think about it moving back. The city life can suck it. 

So what if your snazzy apartment has to go. Make this an even better opportunity.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Do you have kids? If not, who cares how often you're moving? Live life, do what you love, stop trying to impress other people.

Will staying at the vacation house make you enjoy life? Do that

Will staying in the big city make you enjoy life? Do that

Sounds like you're trying to prove someone wrong with how successful you can be, that's a great way to waste your life.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If you fail to try anything new nothing changes, if you fail at nine out of ten things you try then there is at least one new thing in your life.

The goal here is to keep your life moving forward, every plan will not work out, but some will. You are still freshly single and laying the foundation, it may take years to get to where you want to be. Accept that you will need to change and adapt at times, but learn to take advantage of every opportunity and experience. 

Be a caretaker for awhile, it may lead your life in a new direction.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It does get better with time. You just have to know that life throws us punches that we didn't expect so you have to learn to roll with it and regroup. If you don't want to move from the big city, is there another place with more affordable housing in the within the city? Maybe a less snazzy place? Or somewhere in the surrounding area? Can you find a job that deals directly with building your profile? 

Brace, are you in DC? I can't remember. Housing costs are ridiculous in this area.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Cooper said:


> If you fail to try anything new nothing changes, if you fail at nine out of ten things you try then there is at least one new thing in your life.
> 
> The goal here is to keep your life moving forward, every plan will not work out, but some will. You are still freshly single and laying the foundation, it may take years to get to where you want to be. Accept that you will need to change and adapt at times, but learn to take advantage of every opportunity and experience.
> 
> Be a caretaker for awhile, it may lead your life in a new direction.


Having been a caretaker in the early years of my life...I say go for it! Nothing is better than living well beyond your means while taking care of someones investment. I used to love it when they commented on how well the place was kept up...even if we had a party the previous weekend!


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Take the caretaker opportunity Brave!

It has been 15 months for me as well, I have great-amazing days but I also have sappy days.

I am seeing a therapist. She likes to drop reality bombs on me pretty often. The latest bomb was that (from what I have told her about ex), what we had was not true love she is not even sure it was love on his part! 
I lived in a pretty comfortable love lie for 15 years... I am trying to get comfortable with that idea.

It is rough and it is strange but I am not as devastated to know that I loved but it wasnt reciprocated.

Take the opportunity, get your portfolio together! Be amazing!
Life gets better everyday because we have a chance to learn and grow from our past experiences.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Minor update: Looks like the caretaker position would start a bit later in the year than I thought. The person currently doing it was supposed to return to school in the fall but has decided to return in spring instead. Kind of a bummer, but at least it's still an option. 

I will likely still have to move in the next 2 months or so. Looking at my dwindling bank account is not fun and I need to be realistic. However, I am feeling better than I was yesterday. I have my health, a roof over my head, and food in my fridge. I am loved and supported by family, friends, and even my pets. I will be ok. 

Usually I'm not the type of person to get scared, but lately I feel some anxiety for the future. I had it mapped out so nicely at one point - and then my world came crashing down. Building it back up again will be a worthy challenge.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> And someone trusts you to watch their vacation home????
> I don't think you've been out in the world quite enough, that is success.


Thinking about this really made me feel good. People do trust me to watch their home, pets, kids, etc. I am a good person and others see that. I need to remembered it more.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> The caretaker gig sounds like a great opportunity to get your portfolio together and save some money! BUT...are you going to be able to bring in an income if you stay there?


There would be a small stipend, enough to cover groceries and the gas to get groceries. But not much else. 

My friend was saying previous caretakers didn't seem to have problems finding work at the nearby resorts. The person currently watching their place is I think making extra cash as the neighborhood dog walker. I have this vision of me hiking the mountains with a bunch of St. Bernards.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

COguy said:


> Do you have kids? If not, who cares how often you're moving? Live life, do what you love, stop trying to impress other people.
> 
> Will staying at the vacation house make you enjoy life? Do that
> 
> ...


No kids, just pets. 

Honestly, not trying to impress people at all - that's so the opposite of who I am. I just like being independent and having my own stuff. My apartment. My blanket. My chair. You get the idea. Not having my own things/space gives me anxiety. I don't see having money as a way to "prove" myself, only as a type of freedom.

Since I was young I've always hated asking for help. I was the kid in high school who got a part time job just so I wouldn't have to ask my parents for money to buy clothes or a yearbook. So being in this position is hard for me. 

I see a lot of guys on TAM complaining they have to live like paupers because the ex got all the money. Well, that happens to women too. Unfortunately. 

I like your thoughts that I should do what makes me enjoy life. I think I need to meditate on exactly what that is.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> Take the caretaker opportunity Brave!
> 
> It has been 15 months for me as well, *I have great-amazing days but I also have sappy days.
> *
> ...


Bolded the above because I am relating so strongly to it. FYI - we might have the same therapist. 

One thing I am learning is that for some reason sociopaths and narcissists seem to be especially attracted to me. I'm sure that's true for a lot of us who have posts in the "coping with infidelity" forum.

Therapist recommended I read "The Sociopath Next Door" and I'm about halfway through. It's been very enlightening.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> It does get better with time. You just have to know that life throws us punches that we didn't expect so you have to learn to roll with it and regroup. If you don't want to move from the big city, is there another place with more affordable housing in the within the city? Maybe a less snazzy place? Or somewhere in the surrounding area? Can you find a job that deals directly with building your profile?
> 
> Brace, are you in DC? I can't remember. Housing costs are ridiculous in this area.


I was on the east coast and housing prices were CRAZY! Now out west and they are still crazy but at least you get an actual one bedroom instead of a 300 square foot studio that's a five floor walk-up. :roll eyes:

I think I could find more affordable housing nearby or in the next town over. Which would be nice. I really enjoy being so close to my old (and new!) friends. 

Roll with it and regroup. Hmm. Think that's going to be my new mantra. :smthumbup:


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> Roll with it and regroup. Hmm. Think that's going to be my new mantra. :smthumbup:


There is an old Marine Corps motto: Adapt and overcome.

You totally strike me as a strong woman that can implement that motto. I have no doubt that you will not only survive, but thrive. :smthumbup:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

bravenewworld said:


> One thing I am learning is that for some reason sociopaths and narcissists seem to be especially attracted to me. I'm sure that's true for a lot of us who have posts in the "coping with infidelity" forum.


I'm the same. I went to a Shaman who put me in touch with my evil side. Everyone has both an evil and a good side, if you are afraid of your evil side then you can't understand it. Then you can't understand how the sociopaths and narcissists work, they can only engage your 'working' side, the good side, and without its evil sidekick to watch its back, you are defenseless.

Once you understand and are in balance with both sides of your human nature, you can recognize and choose to repel the sociopaths and narcissists. Though you may find for a while you encounter those with "better game" once you get through that, dealing with the troublemakers is second nature.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm the same. I went to a Shaman who put me in touch with my evil side. Everyone has both an evil and a good side, if you are afraid of your evil side then you can't understand it. Then you can't understand how the sociopaths and narcissists work, they can only engage your 'working' side, the good side, and without its evil sidekick to watch its back, you are defenseless.
> 
> Once you understand and are in balance with both sides of your human nature, you can recognize and choose to repel the sociopaths and narcissists. Though you may find for a while you encounter those with "better game" once you get through that, dealing with the troublemakers is second nature.


Very interesting, I would like to visit a shaman.


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