# Am I in a controlling relationship???



## Shannon77 (Mar 20, 2011)

I'm so confused as to what I should do. I have been in a relationship with my bf for 4 wks. He lives 45min away from me so we only see eachother on the weekends. My concern is I can't seem to do anything right to him. First thing is when I don't pick up my cell when he calls, he gets really angry and starts to ignore me or become snappy. Yesterday, he called me right after a convo we just had but I had put my phone down on my bed while I got a drink of water. I swear it was only like 2 min when I called back and he got mad. Said that he thinks i'm on the phone with other ppl and not wanting to hang up with them. But when on the phone with him i tell him to hold on. Does that situation means he is controlling? This happens all the time. I'm to the point where I'm afraid not to answer my phone due to him being upset with me. 

The other thing is, I don't have to ask to go somewhere but I have to let him no my whereabouts. If he calls and I mention I'm somewhere he wasn't made aware of he freaks out.

Please someone I need advise. I really think i'm in love with this man. Is it wrong for me to think he loves me since he cares enough about what I'm doing?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You've only been seeing this guy for month and the controlling behavior is pretty high?

Doesn't sound promising.


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## Shannon77 (Mar 20, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> OMG. That is not love at all.
> Get angry, like you should.
> Tell him not to contact you in any way or for any reason.
> Then watch your back.
> ...



Thanks for your advise. However, that hurts my feelings when you say he is a stalker. He doesn't call every second of the day it's just when he does I have to pick up is all. I guess this is why I'm here. I need to know the truth. So thanks again. 

I met him from match.com.....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

To ask the question is to answer it.


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## akasephiroth (Jul 29, 2010)

Shannon77 said:


> The other thing is, I don't have to ask to go somewhere but I have to let him no my whereabouts.
> 
> 
> > kk he is your B/F if this was your husband they yeah i understand but this right here is too far out there in controlvile for just a B/F if he this bad as a B/F of 1 month how bad will things be downt he road?


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Yes, he's being controlling to an unhealthy degree.

I had a bf who did almost exactly what you're saying yours does.

Over time it got worse, and I felt worse---more confused, more helpless, no matter how hard I tried to convince him I was trustworthy.

He has a problem, not you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Shannon77 said:


> I'm so confused as to what I should do. I have been in a relationship with my bf for 4 wks. He lives 45min away from me so we only see eachother on the weekends. My concern is I can't seem to do anything right to him. First thing is when I don't pick up my cell when he calls, he gets really angry and starts to ignore me or become snappy. Yesterday, he called me right after a convo we just had but I had put my phone down on my bed while I got a drink of water. I swear it was only like 2 min when I called back and he got mad. Said that he thinks i'm on the phone with other ppl and not wanting to hang up with them. But when on the phone with him i tell him to hold on. Does that situation means he is controlling? This happens all the time. I'm to the point where I'm afraid not to answer my phone due to him being upset with me.
> 
> The other thing is, I don't have to ask to go somewhere but I have to let him no my whereabouts. If he calls and I mention I'm somewhere he wasn't made aware of he freaks out.
> 
> Please someone I need advise. I really think i'm in love with this man. Is it wrong for me to think he loves me since he cares enough about what I'm doing?


There can be no love after 4 weeks. You are merely mistaking limerence for true love. In truth, you barely know the guy.
We've all made that mistake, so don't feel bad.
One thing I have learned is to trust my intuition. If I had done so when I was younger, it would have saved me a lot of trouble.
Your gut is screaming that this man is controlling. He is scary and unreasonable. Back away slowly. We women attract such men, when our self esteem is low. I know this because I have experienced the same thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Shannon77 said:


> I'm to the point where I'm afraid not to answer my phone due to him being upset with me
> 
> The other thing is, I don't have to ask to go somewhere but I have to let him no my whereabouts. If he calls and I mention I'm somewhere he wasn't made aware of he freaks out.
> 
> Please someone I need advise. I really think i'm in love with this man. Is it wrong for me to think he loves me since he cares enough about what I'm doing?


You've known this guy for ONE MONTH and you only see him on weekends. I'm wondering who has more baggage here ... you or him.

You are "afraid" not to answer your phone because you don't want this guy to be upset with you???? He "freaks out" if you don't mention where you are???

You ask for advice, but you don't like the responses you've received. Don't ask the question if you don't want the answers.

You asked. I'm answering. Caring about a loved one is NOT getting p.o.'d. If you think this is caring, then I'm very afraid for you, because you are mistaken about what real caring is versus his "concern." This guy is bad news. 

Regardless, you can keep seeing him. It's your life. Wait until it escalates, because I gurantee you, it will. 

Have you considered going into therapy of any kind? I'm a bit flabbergasted that you would construe this man's behavior as "caring" or "love."


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

Unfortunately it is controlling. It's only been one month, and these are the tactics he is using. Believe me, the more involved you get with this person, the more new tactics will show up. Please leave this relationship. Leave it now as you have so little invested in it.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

BabyWifey said:


> Guess he was hurt or being cheated by previous relationship... So he's a very insecure man and he's in love with you, so he's afaird that someone might steal you away from him just like last time.
> 
> You can assure him, make him feel secure by giving him lots of words of comfirmation repeatedly.
> 
> ...


This response is appallingly foolish. Why should the OP allow herself to be controlled, by this man's rampant insecurity? He seems like the kind of man who would beat her and then say "I beat you because I love you!"
We all need reassurance at times, but the constant checking up is scary and unreasonable. Any woman who would accept such nonsense has self esteem problems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

sorry to hear that, but only into it a month, well I would say bye bye. I think that its not going to get better as time goes by.


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## richg1000 (Aug 19, 2011)

Shannon77 said:


> I'm so confused as to what I should do. I have been in a relationship with my bf for 4 wks. He lives 45min away from me so we only see eachother on the weekends. My concern is I can't seem to do anything right to him. First thing is when I don't pick up my cell when he calls, he gets really angry and starts to ignore me or become snappy. Yesterday, he called me right after a convo we just had but I had put my phone down on my bed while I got a drink of water. I swear it was only like 2 min when I called back and he got mad. Said that he thinks i'm on the phone with other ppl and not wanting to hang up with them. But when on the phone with him i tell him to hold on. Does that situation means he is controlling? This happens all the time. I'm to the point where I'm afraid not to answer my phone due to him being upset with me.
> 
> The other thing is, I don't have to ask to go somewhere but I have to let him no my whereabouts. If he calls and I mention I'm somewhere he wasn't made aware of he freaks out.
> 
> Please someone I need advise. I really think i'm in love with this man. Is it wrong for me to think he loves me since he cares enough about what I'm doing?


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## richg1000 (Aug 19, 2011)

Hi -

My name is Rich Goldman, and I am a Sr. Producer on a new talk show called "The Bill Cunningham Show." I am touching base because I came across this website. Next week, I am producing an episode on the topic of controlling mates. If anyone here is in a relationship with a controlling mate (male or female), and would like to discuss the issues with that person on our show, please call the 855# or e-mail below. Travel to NYC and meal expenses are covered.

Thank You,

-- 
Rich Goldman
Sr. Producer
Office: 212-419-7485
Cell: 646-701-3860
Cell: 855-833-7770, ext. 2
Fax: 212-419-7406
Email: [email protected] 
Address: 
NEP Studios
401 7th avenue 
2nd floor 
New York, New York 10001


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Am I answering Shannon---or is this a set-up for this Rich Goldman character??????

Hoping I am answering Shannon----this boils down to one thing, you are allowing yourself to get sucked in, for whatever reason, with a possible control freak, possible abuser, possible overly dependent, possible person who completely lacking in trust of others, who has a major jealousy problem.

You have seen stories, read books, read posts on the subject of control freaks---believe all of it----all of this comes from real life situations

Its your life, and you can live it as you want to---but 4 weeks into any relationship, is way to early for this kind of crap do be taking place, and mark my words, it is crap

He has nor right, nor reason to be checking on you at all---you are doing nothing more than dating

This guy is way to insecure, immature, and jealous----get away from him and stay away from him

You may not like the answers you get here---but you are getting answers based on experience, the experience of people who know what they are talking about

You are obviously bothered by what is going on, or you wouldn't be here----so what you need to do is to listen to what is being said

You probably should get away from this guy---but if you are bound and determined to stay with him---then you need to get up in his face, and back him down, and tell him you will live your life as you choose, with checking in, reporting, or making your where abouts/what you are doing known to him at all----If he doesn't like it---tell him to go find someone else to bother!!!!!!!


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## kibbles (Aug 19, 2011)

I would for sure say this is a controlling relationship. If he is only like this after 4 weeks, I can't imagine how much worse it will get if you stay with him. And what is it in 4 weeks that makes you think you love him? I would run far away from this one, it sounds as it he may be dangerous


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Shannon,

Run for the hills. A controlling spouse will not only control and manipulate you but they will literally destroy your self esteem and alienate you from the things you care about. Dump him, don't give him a reason and tell him to not call you again. Trust me from personal experience it's helll on earth to live with a spouse with this mental illness/Character flaw.

I'm a bitter angry man after enduring five years of a controlling, nagging banshee wife. I honestly hate her but I'm getting counseling and healing. Avoid this and get a healthy partner. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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