# Article on wife wanting an open marriage



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

No matter what the author says, this is not going to end well.

____________________________

What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism

By Michael Sonmore 

As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. It’s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won’t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

Before my wife started sleeping with other men, I certainly considered myself a feminist, but I really only understood it in the abstract. When I quit working to stay at home with the kids, I began to understand it on a whole new level. I am an economically dependent househusband coping with the withering drudgery of child-rearing. Now that I understand the reality of that situation, I don’t blame women for demanding more for themselves than the life of the housewife. 

(read the rest here)


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Beta ****.

Oh well, if that's what he's into...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

To each his own.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Beta ****.
> 
> Oh well, if that's what he's into...


Don't you think he's rationalizing by using the term feminist?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Don't you think he's rationalizing by using the term feminist?


He's doing a bit more than rationalizing.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> He's doing a bit more than rationalizing.


Sounds like an interesting marriage... :wtf:


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

The "manosphere" is abuzz about this thing. Current thinking is that its fake. Apparently, running the article through a gender-analyzer shows it at 84% chance of a female author. Of course if this is a guy he is so emasculated it could be throwing off the software algorithms. The author, Michael Sonmore doesn't have any additional published work.

The current theory is that a feminist troll is throwing this out in an attempt to make this type of arraignment more palpable for society. I like to think so, but everyone here should know by now that a doormat is born every minute.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I wonder how many of our female TAM members would love to have a husband like him?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You guys seem to have missed that he fvcks other women too, so in that sense he's not really a ****. It's a genuine open marriage and he went along with it, he just doesn't go out as much as her. 

But that will happen because it's so much easier for women to find sex. I have no interest in this kind of life and I know for a fact hubby wouldn't go along with it, but it seems to work for some. 

At least for me though I had a past before husband so I don't feel like I'm missing out. Probably because hubby is so much better than anything before him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ripper said:


> The "manosphere" is abuzz about this thing. Current thinking is that its fake. Apparently, *running the article through a gender-analyzer shows it at 84% chance of a female author.* Of course if this is a guy he is so emasculated it could be throwing off the software algorithms. The author, Michael Sonmore doesn't have any additional published work.
> 
> The current theory is that a feminist troll is throwing this out in an attempt to make this type of arraignment more palpable for society. I like to think so, but everyone here should know by now that a doormat is born every minute.


:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I wonder how many of our female TAM members would love to have a husband like him?


You mean a non working hb who is fine with me fvcking other men? I'll pass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I wonder how many of our female TAM members would love to have a husband like him?



He sounds so emasculated. if he were the one out earning, wonder would he be so willing to entertain this arrangement. I doubt many wives would like this kind of marriage. I sure wouldn't!:frown2:


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I immediately thought the article was fake.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You know, it would be interesting if TAM had a special forum called "Alternative Marriages" to see what kind of folks would come and share their stories. I could also imagine the number of banned members going through the roof if that were to ever to become reality.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Wow....that was hard to read. If it was actually written by a man, I have a feeling they'll be divorced within two years. Sounds like they opened it up to try and plug a hole in an already sinking marriage

You have a guy that's out of work and is a house husband and the wife is the breadwinner. Nothing wrong with that and some couples are happy with that arraignment. BUT! There's a lot that have a hard time with it. For men, it can lead to depression and for women it can lead to resentment. 

I have a feeling that this dude was bullied into an open marriage. I mean, he has nothing. No job, no prospects...nothing. She probably told him, "Look you have a choice, an open marriage or a divorce." 

Then, he states that he discovered he's a feminist?!?!? Give me a break! Apparently, women will tell you that all feminism is, is equality between the sexes. Do you think that he's getting equal time to explore this open marriage? I think not! He already said that she practices the open marriage more than he does. Well, she's out in the real world and meeting guys. Getting to know them and deciding if she's going to bed them or not. He's at home with the kids, doing housework. When does he get the time to go out and establish possibilities with women? I mean, what does he do? End up going to a bar where 8 times out of 10 you end up buying drinks for a girl all night with the end result of you going home alone?

Another reason why they're doomed is because men have an easier time disconnecting sex from emotional involvement. Women have a harder time with this. Sooner or later she's going to meet someone that she connects with and will become emotionally invested in. Then, I wonder if he will do an article on how Feminism screwed up my life?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

"_Sooner or later she's going to meet someone that she connects with and will become emotionally invested in_." 

Why wouldn't she. Would you want your sister married to this whip. Plus she can hire a full time maid and nanny cheaper than she can keep his azz up. And a maid and baby sitter is his only value. The other danger is the kids seeing this crap and screwing their lives up so this guy can pander to his female overlord.


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

There is a book, Wild Oats Project. Wife was a journalist, unhappy with her husband, especially that he didn't want kids. Took an apartment and had adventures with men during the week, went home to hubby on the weekends. Was supposed to last a year. Husband reluctantly agreed. Shortly after the year ended she was contacted by one of her lovers, started an affair, ditched the husband and married the OM. Its a best seller. Apparently the more enlightened men and women think it is a wonderful book. Reads a lot like this article. Agree, this marriage can only end badly.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

I am so enlightened









From this www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMTkedIUX8U


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

I know that in the blogosphere these kinds of things are all the rage.

In reality these things end about as well as you would expect…in flames.

He sounds emotionally submissive and it sounds like his more dominant wife has used that to her advantage to get a Free Pass.

The whole "I'm a Feminist" angle is some of the hardest external rationalizations for why he needs to accept this that I have seen in awhile.

The good thing is that when they get divorced he might actually get some alimony.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

It's an open M....nothing new.

People are free to choose how they live as far as I'm concerned.

Hope it continues well for him and his W though.

I've known several couples who had open M's or did swinging....didn't work out well for many of them long term, though a couple of them seem to have succeeded.

And when it went bad...it went VERY bad for 2 of the couples.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Swinging and Polyamory are not necessarily infidelity. Yes the folks who practice it are not immune to the secrecy, the lies and the deception that befalls us monogamous folks when our spouse betrays us, but still it would be presumptuous for us to presume that ALL such alternative marriages turn into betrayal and subsequently divorce.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"The whole "I'm a Feminist" angle is some of the hardest external rationalizations for why he needs to accept this that I have seen in awhile."

This is the thing about his story that made me wonder if they will survive this lifestyle.

Sounds to me like he was pressured into this, and rationalized allowing it to continue in the M.

The couples that I know who have tried non-monogamy and succeeded said this was the key point....they BOTH really wanted to try it.

Most of the couples I know that failed....one of the partners felt pressured into it.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

If it goes like the others said:


> I wonder how hot it will be when one of the partners in an open marriage comes home and tells the other they need to start watching for little sores to appear. That would be so hot... it would be infectious.
> 
> Yuck!


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)




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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> "The whole "I'm a Feminist" angle is some of the hardest external rationalizations for why he needs to accept this that I have seen in awhile."
> 
> This is the thing about his story that made me wonder if they will survive this lifestyle.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree: He needs a backbone transplant because his is obvously not functioning.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

The irony about feminism is that it is supposed to be about the freedom to choose.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> The irony about feminism is that it is supposed to be about the freedom to choose.


Yup - his wife chose for him. :grin2:


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

I don't think this article is real, but, if it is...

How long before his wife comes home from a date with "Paulo" and lets is slip that she had sex with him and his friend/brother/coworker?

That would be the next step in the progression of an open marriage.

When swingers swing, they usually in the same room/building as their SO. I think that this actually would help in keeping the jealousy levels at bay. When your husband/wife start sexing it up with two, or more and you're not there to see... Well, your imagination does the rest.

Though, if this clown is for real, he probably will just become more of a "feminist" and look the other way.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I don't think this article is real, but, if it is...
> 
> How long before his wife comes home from a date with "Paulo" and lets is slip that she had sex with him and his friend/brother/coworker?
> 
> ...


They are called "manginas":frown2:


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Though, if this clown is for real, he probably will just become more of a "feminist" and look the other way.


Or may want a shot at Paulo himself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

His use of the word feminist was a moronic explosion.

So feminists want wives to be out of control slvts?

Bvllshyt!

He is nobody. She is a pathetic skank.

Feel sorry for the kids. Feminism....

Yeah, sure...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> His use of the word feminist was a moronic explosion.
> 
> So feminists want wives to be out of control slvts?
> 
> ...


I think he uses the world to rationalize staying in a bad marriage. The author of the article definitely has self-esteem issues.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> *I don't think this article is real, but, if it is...*
> 
> How long before his wife comes home from a date with "Paulo" and lets is slip that she had sex with him and his friend/brother/coworker?
> 
> ...


This is why I believe message boards as much as information from so called established publications.

Even when you read the work of therapists and authors of other self-help literature, I'm left wondering if the subjects of their case studies are real people or just composites in which the author picks and chooses the severity of parameters relevant to the point that they are trying to make.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Doesn't really sell the benefits of feminism.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> No matter what the author says, this is not going to end well.
> 
> ____________________________
> 
> ...


Really? So feminism = cheating on your spouse? Really? Does that count as OK if it is a Lesbian relationship that involves cheating? Or is that different?:scratchhead:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

No! Not feminism!

Feminism =/= pressuring your husband into an open marriage that he didn't want, changing the rules in the middle of the game because you're bored!

Michael Sonmore, stop giving feminism a bad name! We have a bad enough time with man-hating extremists and MRAs doing that already.

SMH...


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Doubtful it's real. 

I propose a new title

"How I learned to be even MORE of a doormat"

"My life without balls"

"What an open marriage taught me about emotional pain & the power of rationalization"

"Things you wouldn't want your father or your sons to know about you"


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Wow, here I thought being a feminist meant being strong, independent, know my wants and desire. And fighting for a future that my daughter can take for granted. 

In a way, his wife is a feminist. She is all the above.

What does he get by being a feminist? He gets a wife who f**** other men and he gets to worried about whether she is going to fall in love with some unknown man.

I am going to demand my husband becomes a feminist when he comes home tonight.

Then, I am going to embrace my femininity and have an open marriage. This is going to be great. 
Wonder how my husband is going to liked being a cu******.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

We hear a lot about the powerful hormonal shifts that many women experience upon entering what their internal clocks tell them is the twilight of their fertile years.

Well, ladies, welcome to being a 14-year-old boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> We hear a lot about the powerful hormonal shifts that many women experience upon entering what their internal clocks tell them is the twilight of their fertile years.
> 
> Well, ladies, welcome to being a 14-year-old boy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is this hormonal shift the reason my 14 year old son rages at his brother and gives me sporadic nasty attitude?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Is this hormonal shift the reason my 14 year old son rages at his brother and gives me sporadic nasty attitude?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Teenage sons....welcome to jungle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Unfortunately, I got stuck listening to more of the article being read, and laughed about, on a radio show today.

One word...
BARF!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Unfortunately, I got stuck listening to more of the article being read, and laughed about, on a radio show today.
> 
> One word...
> BARF!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The author does have "issues" lol


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> No matter what the author says, this is not going to end well.
> 
> ____________________________
> 
> ...


Sickening the way a man can lie to himself

55


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

So much of this is wrong. 

I hope it is just a troll, but fear it might be true. I wish there was a troll-analyzer, like the gender-analyzer. Surely it would rate over 84% troll.

The title of the article is probably wrong. I don't think it taught him anything about feminism, it taught him about being a doormat. But I know squat about feminism, so that is probably for someone else to judge.

The article of this thread is sort of wrong. 'want' in my dictionary means a lack of or desire for something. His wife doesn't 'want' an open marriage, she 'wanted' an open marriage and she now 'has' an open marriage. Of course in common usage I can say "I want my wife." and the thread title uses it in that way I suppose.

It redefines other words or ideas too, such as he doesn't 'care' for the children, he 'provides care'. I wonder what feminists would think of his idea that only females can 'care' for children?

Odd that the article has the tag 'monogamy'. I suppose they didn't have the tag 'not monogamy'.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@NotEasy -- pretty much all of us here who DO know feminism, we've all been saying that this is definitely NOT feminism.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The outrage amusses me. 

They have an open marriage. He's out screwing women as well.

It's called an open marriage.

But apparently he has decided to make some money on the side by writing an article that makes it sound like it's all about his wife and feminism. 

This has nothing to do with feminism.... it's about the two of them having an open marriage.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

The followup article after it blows up will be...

How Feminism destroyed my marriage..

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MarriedDude said:


> The followup article after it blows up will be...
> 
> How Feminism destroyed my marriage..
> 
> Lol


What the follow up article should be is how and his wife destroyed their marriage all on their own.

The two of them having an open marriage has nothing to do with feminism.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What the follow up article should be is how and his wife destroyed their marriage all on their own.
> 
> The two of them having an open marriage has nothing to do with feminism.


I agree, it has nothing to do with feminism, as I know it.

It could just as well be about pancakes for all the sense the guy makes

"How Feminism and Pancakes destroyed My ability to own a pair"

And so forth.

He is using the the term feminism to earn some coin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

GenderAnalyzer - Determine if a homepage is written by a man or woman

After playing around with this, either Truman Capote had a ghost writer, or this thing just doesn't work.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MarriedDude said:


> I agree, it has nothing to do with feminism, as I know it.
> 
> It could just as well be about pancakes for all the sense the guy makes
> 
> ...


That's what I think. I figured out a way to spin it to create click-bate.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

The title of this thread is misleading. This is an open marriage where both parties are screwing other people and the H gets off on listening to the details of his W's extra-marital sexual encounters.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

EleGirl is 100% right.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with feminism.

It's about an open M.

Personally, I get the sense that the author is mentioning feminism in his writing to try and justify in his own mind why he gave in to her pressure for an open M.

He wants to make it seem noble.....instead of just admitting that he gave in to the fear that his W was going to leave him if he did not agree to let her have sex outside the M.

And the reason this may end up destroying their M, IMO, is not even because of the open M itself.....if they had BOTH really wanted that lifestyle, it might work.

But because one of the partners was essentially pressured into it, this will likely end in disaster eventually.

I have only seen swinging or open M's work when both partners are honest and wanting to adopt the lifestyle...anything else is simply a recipe for disaster.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

Yeah, this is just open marriage plain and simple.

Funny thing. I had this discussion with my husband about a possible open marriage - since he was already doing it behind my back. Turns out that he thought it was OK for him to do so, but that there was no way I should be allowed to. Double standard! I didn't want his lame, unpassionate, awkward scraps.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

The author of the article is indeed a feminist. He simply uses a different dictionary than we as evidenced by this excerpt from...

The NEW AGE-NEW ERA-NEW WORLD ORDER

International Unabridged Dictionary​
fem·i·nist
ˈfemənəst/
noun
noun: feminist; plural noun: feminists

1. a human male lacking in self respect with no discernible ability to express authority and driven to acts predominately by fear of loss of his mate. One accepting of a fate which most would find intolerable because of a severe lack of self worth and testicular fortitude .

As you can see he is indeed what he claims to be as described in the International Unabridged Dictionary or IUD for short.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I suppose one could argue that feminism indirectly influenced this because prior to it women had no rights or options so the idea that they could fvck other men out in the open was unthinkable, while men were free to take mistresses because it was their right as men and their wives couldn't do anything about it.

That's not a tenet of feminism, just a natural consequence of equality. 

There's no deception here, he was free to say no and free to leave. He chose stay and participate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Open marriage is a product of the so called "sexual revolution" dating back to the 1960's and for which many feminists of that era and afterwards did not see its as being an empowering nor beneficial force for women.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

intheory said:


> The saddest thing to me is how he demeans homemaking and child-raising as drudgery.
> 
> It is hard work and it is important work; when done well, like any other job.
> 
> ...


I fear you have it reversed. You(we)are the adult, they are the immature children.

The difference is that there is just enough maturity in them to form excuses for their behavior so as to make themselves believe they are enlightened when in fact they are selfish immature spoiled brats willing to deny themselves nothing, willing to commit to nothing and putting great store in nothing, save their own childish pleasure.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"There's no deception here, he was free to say no and free to leave. He chose stay and participate."

I agree completely lifeistooshort.

But I would bet it ends bad.

I don't care which gender partner it is, but if one person feels that they have to agree to opening the M up just in order to stay in it....eventually that is probably going to blow the M up.

And I suspect one of the most likely outcomes, based on threads I have read on sites like TAM, is the pressured partner eventually makes an emotional connection with one of their poly partners, maybe even one that felt pressured into the lifestyle themselves.....and the next thing to happen is they want to leave the M, which they are unhappy in now, and run off to try their new love.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> "There's no deception here, he was free to say no and free to leave. He chose stay and participate."
> 
> I agree completely lifeistooshort.
> 
> ...


I think the H in this case tries to rationalize his own weakness so he can live with himself.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I think the H in this case tries to rationalize his own weakness so he can live with himself."

Could not agree more....he wants to appear noble and enlightened about it...salve to his wounded pride after his W basically demanded the right to sex on the side.

Afraid to lose his M and family, he caved.

Suddenly then, he had this epiphany about how this was nothing but one of the positive outcomes of feminism.

Its laughable....as many other posters have said....feminism has absolutely nothing to do with open M or polyamory.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> "I think the H in this case tries to rationalize his own weakness so he can live with himself."
> 
> Could not agree more....he wants to appear noble and enlightened about it...salve to his wounded pride after his W basically demanded the right to sex on the side.
> 
> ...


You wonder if he will ever wake up. Some people never do.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> You wonder if he will ever wake up. Some people never do.


This can be learned behaviour in that he may have been raised only by a mother and learns that.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"You wonder if he will ever wake up. Some people never do."

Self-delusion is the hardest mindset to overcome....one just has to look at WS's if they have any doubts about this.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> "You wonder if he will ever wake up. Some people never do."
> 
> Self-delusion is the hardest mindset to overcome....one just has to look at WS's if they have any doubts about this.


Hey D all I'll say is the pro 3d wave feminist press promotes this crap but I agree yes his choice to be a ****-simp.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"Hey D all I'll say is the pro 3d wave feminist press promotes this crap but I agree yes his choice to be a ****-simp."

Any propaganda or ideology is only effective if people willingly accept it....you have to drink the kool-aid for it to have an impact in your life or the real world.

Its why I'm proud to call myself a skeptic....I won't believe anything anymore without thorough examination, evidence, and lots of reflection on if the idea matches what I observe in the real world.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> "Hey D all I'll say is the pro 3d wave feminist press promotes this crap but I agree yes his choice to be a ****-simp."
> 
> Any propaganda or ideology is only effective if people willingly accept it....you have to drink the kool-aid for it to have an impact in your life or the real world.
> 
> Its why I'm proud to call myself a skeptic....I won't believe anything anymore without thorough examination, evidence, and lots of reflection on if the idea matches what I observe in the real world.


:iagree::iagree:
It's called honest critical thinking.


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