# Confused and Scared



## AWRECK (Jun 21, 2012)

I am looking here for help. I want to start by saying I have been married 12 years and known my wife for 16 years. We have always been best friends and the news she hit me with about a month and a half ago has devastated me. 
I noticed she wasn't wanting sex much and she has always been into it and then the kissing slowed. I started to ask what's wrong and finally she told me that she loved me as a person but not in love with me. She said for the last year she said I wasn't showing her affection that she wanted. I just wish she would have set me down and told me before all of this. She said she tried to tell me other ways but I never saw in between the lines. She gets mad at me and said why did I see it know when the love is gone. I say my love hasn't gone I am willing to save it! 
Now that I know, she has moved into the other room and cut off all physical contact. It is killing me. 
The thing that I don't understand is that I took care of the kids cleaned house everything tI could to help her relieve stress from her high stress job. I watched the kids when she traveled and never complained. I was tired and I pulled away alittle but never fell out of love with her. I have always been infatuated with my wife. She just tells me that you see how i have felt for the past year, but I never cut her off completly and told her I didn't love her! 
The other day she started to open up we even passionetly kissed several times then she pulled away again and said we should slow down and take it one day at a time. That's fine I am willing to wait. Then that next week she just got angry with me and went off on how she doesn't know what she wants and she is numb to feelings. I don't understand!!?? Did she feel something and got scared? Does she need security that I did change? Because I did, I see my problems. I have been seeing a couselor and so has she. She is now seeing my couselor tomorrow but she said don't draw conclusions that she wants it to work or not. I am just waiting to see but it is killing me I trying to be positive, but my mind is running wild. I though I was being a great husband! I am giving her space and trying not to be physical but that is what she wanted in the first place, now nothing. HELP!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Sounds like you've got a realistic approach going, keep on going to counseling...your wife hasn't completely closed the door yet...

I'd back off, give her some space...take the time and work on your issues, get in shape...do what you need to do to keep the door open gently...make her notice you working on you...listen when she wants to talk...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

This is realy painful isn't it? I can really relate to what you have told us, because something very simiilar happened to me, though I was spared hearing the actual words love you but not in love with you.

My situation is close to resolution ending in divorce. Please read about the "Walk away wife" for a better understanding of what is happening to you.

You need to start working on your self. The counselling is a great first step, but you really need to get out, reconect with old friends, create and revive a life without her becase you are going to need that support.

This is going to be one hell of a ride for you. BE PREPARED!


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## AWRECK (Jun 21, 2012)

Thanks for the support. I have lost 10 lbs, mainly from not eating and sleeping, but I have hit the gym hard. She has noticed that because she said I clean up nicely. She said that she never said she wasn't attracted to me. Thats good! But it is killing me!! Thanks


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## AWRECK (Jun 21, 2012)

Well big weekend and next week coming up. We are going on a family vacation with the kids and my family. How do I act? We will be alone a few times since she moved into the other room. I though of respecting her space by sleeping on the floor. Will that go a long way with her? She went today and saw my marriage couselor (but she said last week that it didn't mean anything she hasn't decided what she wants yet) I see him in a little while. I am going to act like I am having tons of fun with the kids and her and try to leave the romance out of it. help any suggestions?


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Do you get a hotel discount by sleeping on the floor? Take it from someone who did 1000001 nice little things, they were never appreciated.

Focusing your attention and efforts on your children is never ever a bad plan.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry to bring it up but she could also be involved (or looking to be involved) with another man
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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