# Bitterness



## Don'tGetIt (Jul 3, 2012)

Hey All, Probably an old and repeated question. But, it is mine and I would not mind posting.. Anyone with a non biased appraoch have any mature ideas too why an Ex Wife is so bitter. No adultery, she was not happy, asked me too leave. I did without problem for kids sake. She now has a very good job (provided through many many years of myself being house Dad). A new home with a new man (works in same dept as her??) Plenty of cash and renting out are old family home so property management too. I have stayed away did not do the 'want you back' thing, banged on doors drunk, abused new man. Tried to build brdiges for kids sake. However she has turned into the most bitter and resentful person ever. Its been 4 years and I just cant get me head around why. She has everything she says she never did have and I have faded into the background. Am I missing something. We were best of friends, lovers and husban and wife. I petitioned divorce to put all dealings to bed for both of us, signed everything over. Never claimed a penny or any belongings. I even continued for the first year to return every morning and afternoon, after school to deal with ALL their teas and preps for next day. While living in a flat elsewhere.. I could do no more as she would not have been able to cope with job and what my job was at home. Four years later treated like something stepped in. Whole family detests me and we were so close. Is it true never can you be friends no matter how close you were. Its the only outstanding question in my life I have. Not depressed by it or needing her back as I am through. Just for kids sake, who are being told I dont want to be friendly??


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

She doesn't have everything, she lost you and is regretting it which is reflecting on her bitterness towards you.

How old are your kids?

Why did you leave everything to her?


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## Don'tGetIt (Jul 3, 2012)

Hey,
They are 14 12 & nearly 6. I left everything as to be seen not to take from the childrens home. Too emotional at time and just gave in. Finances settle first and looking back very swiftly?? I petitioned divorce as not to re-awaken another heartache in future. This was what was wanted it seemed. Ever since that I have been completely ignored. I am not losing any sleep believe me just wondering what goes through the female mind when they once claimed to love no-one else and my best friend at time. Find it difficult to believe the she's regretting it hence bitterness. I know this is what you imply but so many so its arrogant as it probably has nothing to do with any feelings anymore...Great too hear from someone else as I am lost. Its actually only for the kids. Especially when your five year old starts saying 'Mummy says your a liar when you say you would like to be friends'. Bless she has gone on her own back and asked why we dont talk. Older ones just ignore as they still love me dearly but live and loyal to Mum Understandable really...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Your kids will see through her lies eventually; you don't need to fear that she will turn them against you. Just keep being a good dad and they'll see what's what.

She's bitter because that's the kind of person she is. The exact same things can happen to two different people, and one might end up happy and the other might end up bitter because that's how they are as people inside. Some people just can't ever be happy.

She has probably rewritten history in her mind to justify and rationalize the divorce to herself and her family/friends, and has made you out to be the villain because she can't admit to herself or anyone that she is also at fault or maybe mostly at fault. That would require introspection and would require her to try to change and be a better person. She doesn't want to do that.


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## DaKarmaTrain! (May 17, 2012)

Agree with Keko...

Looks like you totally 180'd her. She is regretting her choices huge now. Maybe thinking about how easily you dealt with everything that she wasn't worth fighting for etc. Even though she walked away...it might have been some kind of mind-game powerplay she was pulling with you (and at least subconsciously keeping you on the proverbial back-burner) and it appears to have back-fired horribly.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

Yep. Sounds to me like she expected that all of life's problems were caused by you, and that as soon as she got you out of her life and found her new prince charming, life would be perfect.

Now the reality has set in, and she's POed at you because it turns out that you weren't the reason why she was unhappy. Plus, you haven't crumbled without her, which REALLY ticks her off.

[ added in edit ] Also, she thought that "you'd like to be her friend" meant "you'd do whatever she wanted."


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

Sounds like a cake eater extraordinaire. As it was her decision, if anyone has any reason to be bitter, its you, not her. As the others have said, I'm assuming you have successfully moved on....and if she's having bumps and sees you all happy - she's finally realizing she can't have her cake and eat it. End of the day, she ought to be bitter at herself, not you.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Why don't you just ask her and convey everything you've written here?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

papa5280 said:


> Also, she thought that "you'd like to be her friend" meant "you'd do whatever she wanted."


:iagree:


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## Don'tGetIt (Jul 3, 2012)

Wow, thank you all for your views. People have said this a lot in my suroundings but they are also close to me. I needed to hear something froma completely neutral way. Like I said she has everything she seemes to have wanted, maybe life isn't always greener on the other side... 'Complexity' I have tried but I woul;d always get the same response. Stop bothering me, or leave me alone. As if I continually torment her. On occasions it had been numerous months with no contact. Then something happens, then a dig, I state my case and say stop being unfair. Then all of a sudden I have started something... Very confusing. I am almost 100% there. This bitterness thing is stopping the full circle thing, and the fact I kjnow I can and never will be completely free of mind as I have children with her.


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## roxidized (Jul 4, 2012)

i thought i was the only one going through this... well time will tell, you do what you have to do, if she doesn't want to talk or share with you, leave her... now your priority is your kids, not her, she's started her own world, whether she is happy or unhappy or miserable, whatever... i think now you should really focus on yourself... You are a man, at least you have more options to find younger woman, but not her... so forget about her or making friendship with her... i wish i was you... i would be flying, and enjoying wild life now.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

DaKarmaTrain! said:


> Agree with Keko...
> 
> Looks like you totally 180'd her. She is regretting her choices huge now. Maybe thinking about how easily you dealt with everything that she wasn't worth fighting for etc. Even though she walked away...it might have been some kind of mind-game powerplay she was pulling with you (and at least subconsciously keeping you on the proverbial back-burner) and it appears to have back-fired horribly.


:iagree:

Or its the old "the grass isn't greener on the other side".


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## Don'tGetIt (Jul 3, 2012)

roxidized, why are you not flying or enjoying wild life... On a seperate note someone said that its because she was 'hurt' in so so many ways the thought of speaking or communicating is 'too' painful. I hope she settles down as I do not want this bitterness. But one of you quoted and really sank in, some people are just never happy. This when I look back seems true. Always expecting the perfect fairy tale. The gifts for Xmas would be wrong, not enough effort into Valentines Day etc etc. It starts to make sense. Funny thing is her mother who helped the breakdown of the marriage immensely is divorced twice. Thanks again for your insights, they have all helped. Welcome anyone elses views and in an odd way I hope my events have shown to others that we are not the first, and sure as hell aint the last to have this happen too. What my Mother says anyway x


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