# Opinion: Affair or not?



## interestedparty (Apr 29, 2013)

Looking for opinions. If your SO is texting a "friend" of the opposite sex sometimes 50-100 times a day (or sometimes more), hiding it from you with a text hiding app, and lying to you about it to your face, is this an affair, regardless of the content of the messages??


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

It's def inappropriate and if it's not an A yet it is dangerously if not already an EA which will lead to an PA. Nip it in the bud now!!


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

Does the SO know you now there hiding there text on a text hiding app. Did you ask for access to it? It is a big red flag... Does the "friend" live close to were they could see each other easily?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Affair. Ea or pa
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

If your partner is hiding their texts from you, it most likely means they're doing something they shouldn't be doing. 

Has your SO met this this person? I would say it's an EA if they haven't met up yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## interestedparty (Apr 29, 2013)

This "friend" lives within a reasonable distance. I'm pretty sure my SO probably knows that I know about the text hiding app since I found it on the phone. I had specifically asked that my SO notify me if there is any contact with this "friend." Yet when I asked my SO on multiple occasions if there has been any contact the reply was "Absolutely not," or my favorite "I have nothing to hide." However, I have records from the cell phone company that shows that to be a complete lie.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Secret texting, lying, hiding the extent of communication. Yep - affair.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

interestedparty said:


> This "friend" lives within a reasonable distance. I'm pretty sure my SO probably knows that I know about the text hiding app since I found it on the phone. I had specifically asked that my SO notify me if there is any contact with this "friend." Yet when I asked my SO on multiple occasions if there has been any contact the reply was "Absolutely not," or my favorite "I have nothing to hide." However, I have records from the cell phone company that shows that to be a complete lie.


You would be well advised to "assume" that this is an PA. Just by the texts alone, it's at least an EA. Then the red flags of hiding them, lying to you; doesn't look good. If it's not a PA, it will be soon.

The first order of business is going into stealth mode to find out what you're dealing with. You'll get a lot of good advice here on that.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

ubercoolpanda said:


> If your partner is hiding their texts from you, it most likely means they're doing something they shouldn't be doing.
> 
> Has your SO met this this person? I would say it's an EA if they haven't met up yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weird223 (Apr 20, 2013)

Interestedparty: Read my post I am going throught the exact same thing, but I jumped too damn soon and my wife went underground. My wife was talking to her ex 3+ hours a day on the phone and unlimited texting. There are some good people on here with some good advice. Do more investigating. Lies end up being more lies.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

sorry it is a EA at min


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Only if you are married is it an affair.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

Affair


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

interestedparty said:


> Looking for opinions. If your SO is texting a "friend" of the opposite sex sometimes 50-100 times a day (or sometimes more), hiding it from you with a text hiding app, and lying to you about it to your face, is this an affair, regardless of the content of the messages??


 Regardless of the content, 50 to 100 or more secret texts a day that she hides and lies about is by definition an emotional affair (EA). There is no question about it as it fits the textbook definition. Even if they are only talking about what they saw on TV, she is addicted to the other man (OM) enough to lie to you and endanger her marraige over her relationship with him. The content would only help you to determine if it has or will soon go physical and if she has mentally checked out of the marriage or not.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Why should your SO hide txt msgs, if it is not inappropriate?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

AND he's liying to your face.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Yes definitely an affair.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

YEP

Its at least an EA


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Secret texting, lying, hiding the extent of communication. Yep - affair.


I have to agree.

So now, the question is, 'what are you going to do about it'?


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Lies, deception, betrayal, you know in your gut it's wrong whatever you name it, affair sounds right though.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I posted the following just today in another thread : 

(http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ed-over-my-wifes-relationship-her-friend.html). Seems to apply here as well, so I'll just post it here also :

"Not Good ! I don't know how many threads you have had a chance to read on TAM, but if I had a dollar for every one where the concerned spouse found out about an A by first finding suspicious / locked cell phone stuff, I would be posting on TAM from my Yacht instead of my house !"


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