# Unwiling OW



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Hi,

I am very new here and fully aware that most of you will hate me. 

I recently found out that the man I have been seeing is already married. 

He says it is a sexless marriage and she told him to "go bother someone else" and he did not want to hurt her by continuing to pester her for sex, or by making her aware that he followed her instructions. 

I love the sex with him, but it is cheating. If I am helping the relationship, is it a super bad thing? I know i am trying to rationalise continuing to sleep with him. To clarify I have not had any sexual contact with his since I found out.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am very new here and fully aware that most of you will hate me.
> 
> ...


Dollars to doughnuts if you were to talk to his BW about this she would have no idea she was in a sexless marriage, that he was being pestering, and thought their lives were wedded bliss. Beware the _"He Said"_.

You've been played.

Sorry.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Don't go there. My OW had no idea I was married either (or about to be) and I fed her lies for the longest time.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Are you in it for just the sex? 
Do you plan on staying with him if he leaves his W?

No one here will hate you. No one here knows you personally. But I think many "know" what's going on. 

In the end it will be his W that will get hurt. And you will have been bothered.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You have stopped having sex with him since you learned he is married. That, in and of itself, should tell you something. Somewhere inside you know it is wrong, no matter how you may try to rationalize it. Sure, the sex was great...and it could be just as great, if not better, with someone who is not married to someone else.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Are you in it for just the sex?
> Do you plan on staying with him if he leaves his W?


It all started on a sex hook up site (Red Hot Pie), and it was just about the sex. 
I have often thought about a relationship with him but I am not ready for a full relationship now. He was starting to become a FWB.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> You have stopped having sex with him since you learned he is married. That, in and of itself, should tell you something. Somewhere inside you know it is wrong, no matter how you may try to rationalize it. Sure, the sex was great...and it could be just as great, if not better, with someone who is not married to someone else.


I only found out last night. He slipped up and mentioned the Mrs was cooking him his favorite dinner. So I have also not had a chance to sleep with him since I found out was more to the point.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

What kind of person do you want to be? If his wife knew, she would be hurt. I can say with 99% certainty she does not know.

So now what are you going to do?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If I was you I'd go visit his wife. See what she says. If she gives you the OK then you know where you stand. Most likely she will have a very different story to tell.

My son's father told women that we were in a sexless marriage to get sex from them. 

Our marriage was not sexless until one day HE (yes him) announced to me that he would no longer have sex with me. I'm high drive. This was a horribly painful thing he did to me. 

I tried to get him to work on the marriage for a few years and finally gave up when I found out about all his cheating and lies.... to me one of the worse things was his telling women that I refused sex with him. 

If your affair partner will not tell his wife about you, he's not in an open marriage. He's lying to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am very new here and fully aware that most of you will hate me.
> 
> ...


I don't hate you! I am sorry for you, as you got suckered by a player.

Get rid of him, as he is probably having a full and active sex life with his wife, too.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> It all started on a sex hook up site (Red Hot Pie), and it was just about the sex.
> I have often thought about a relationship with him but I am not ready for a full relationship now. He was starting to become a FWB.


A sex hook up site? For you? I think you deserve better than that! I think it's high time you treated yourself to the better class of lifestyle that you really deserve and need!:smthumbup:


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> If I was you I'd go visit his wife. See what she says. If she gives you the OK then you know where you stand. Most likely she will have a very different story to tell.
> 
> My son's father told women that we were in a sexless marriage to get sex from them.
> 
> ...


How do I approach this. Should I try to get her number from his phone? should I ask him for the details? Try to find her on FB?

How would you want to be told about it (Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a woman 10 years her junior  ) ???????


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> A sex hook up site? For you? I think you deserve better than that! I think it's high time you treated yourself to the better class of lifestyle that you really deserve and need!:smthumbup:


I am Working full time and studying part time I don't have time to go out and meet ppl IRL but want sex a few times a week. This has worked well for me until now (although now i am questioning how many other guys had secret wives) :scratchhead: 
This makes me feel like the bad guy for wanting a sex life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> How do I approach this. Should I try to get her number from his phone? should I ask him for the details? Try to find her on FB?
> 
> How would you want to be told about it (Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a woman 10 years her junior  ) ???????


If you do not feel comfortable with the idea, might be best to think it over.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

that you are ten years junior is no big deal 
coz
there is someone ten years junior to you.

Don't think it would be upsetting to the wife.

The upsetting thing to her would be that he is cheating on her.

(I doubt she meant it if she told him to find another sex partner.......if she actually said it it was probably due to him frustrating her by keeping secrets and confusing her.)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I am Working full time and studying part time I don't have time to go out and meet ppl IRL but want sex a few times a week. This has worked well for me until now (although now i am questioning how many other guys had secret wives) :scratchhead:
> This makes me feel like the bad guy for wanting a sex life.


See? That's why sites like that are risky.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Why is this difficult? Just stop seeing him. Nobody has you chained down.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am very new here and fully aware that most of you will hate me.
> 
> ...


Cut and RUN, girl. What a loser! What a USER! 

Do this, just to make sure: call his wife and ask her if she is comfortable with his truly 'bothering' someone else for sex. I suspect you'll be in for a surprise. And not a good one. 

Get out of their marriage.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Unaware said:


> How do I approach this. Should I try to get her number from his phone? should I ask him for the details? Try to find her on FB?
> 
> *How would you want to be told about it *(Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a woman 10 years her junior  ) ???????


If my husband was having sex with someone else, I would want to be told in person. I may be in the minority though.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Too many fish out there, why borrow trouble?
Get the f0ck away from this man.
NC letter ,block him.
Get another sex parter or better a FBW who you can trust. Sex hook up sites are horrible.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> If my husband was having sex with someone else, I would want to be told in person. I may be in the minority though.


I just don't know what i should say, 

"Hi, how are you? I have been Fu**ing your H, I swear I didn't know he was cheating... "


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

although now i am questioning how many other guys had secret wives???

Seriously, you are now questioning how many people on his sex site are married??? 

WOW!!!

I was blindsided by OW who called and told me how she was told I was in a sexless marriage... News to me!!! 

I agree with everyone else here cut and run.... loser married man is a coward and liar!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I just don't know what i should say,
> 
> "Hi, how are you? I have been Fu**ing your H, I swear I didn't know he was cheating... "


How about this? "We have something in common. The available and uncommitted man I was dating and your husband? Unfortunately, they are the same man."


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> How do I approach this. Should I try to get her number from his phone? should I ask him for the details? Try to find her on FB?
> 
> How would you want to be told about it (Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a woman 10 years her junior  ) ???????


Just so you know, Unaware: NO WOMAN WANTS TO KNOW THAT THEIR HUSBAND IS SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, REGARDLESS OF THEIR AGE.

Okay. Now that I've gotten THAT out of my system. 

Look her up on FB. Go on Spokeo.com and take out a 3 month subscription (it'll cost you a couple of bucks; very little compensation compared to the damage that has been done.) Spokeo may give you the info you need to know.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Just find her and tell her the truth. If what you say is indeed true about not knowing he was married, then I don't see what the big deal is. If you didn't know, you didn't know.
Telling the truth never killed anyone. Oh, she'll hurt, but it won't kill her.

Do the right thing. You won't regret it. The fact that you came here one day after finding out speaks volumes for your character. Don't screw it up now by trying to wiggle your way out of doing what you know is the right thing to do.

If you need some help finding her, just let us know.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

FrustratedFL said:


> although now i am questioning how many other guys had secret wives???
> 
> Seriously, you are now questioning how many people on his sex site are married???
> 
> ...


I have always been nothing but honest on that site and with the men and couples i have had encounters with. I knew there was always a possibility that they did not have the same level of honesty but until now i have never seen such a good liar. 

Most of the single guys I have met have invited me into their homes (this one did not now a giant RED Flag) and there was no sign of a SO (at least not in the bathroom/ensuite). So I never worried.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I just don't know what i should say,
> 
> "Hi, how are you? I have been Fu**ing your H, I swear I didn't know he was cheating... "


Oh, now STOP IT. Don't make light of this! Do you realize what she's going to have to process after your call? No, you don't. You have NO idea. 

Here's what you say: "Hello, Mrs. As*hole's wife? My name is Naive. I am calling you to tell you that Mr. As*hole and I have been having an affair. I never realized he was married. Now that I know this I feel I need to make this right with you." 

Answer ALL of her questions. Give her your phone number in case she needs to call you. BWs who are blindsided will typically have questions later on, or will want to talk to you to confirm what their hound-dog husband says. Let her know that you are available if she has any questions. Answer them when she asks.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Unaware - Your guy has been lying to you and you know it. You would be doing the right thing to drop him and move on. If you want to be a good Samaritan - contact his wife - even if it's anonymously - to let her know about the hookup site and her husband's membership there.

PS - hope you practice safe sex.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

3putt said:


> Just find her and tell her the truth. If what you say is indeed true about not knowing he was married, then I don't see what the big deal is. If you didn't know, you didn't know.
> Telling the truth never killed anyone. Oh, she'll hurt, but it won't kill her.
> 
> Do the right thing. You won't regret it. The fact that you came here one day after finding out speaks volumes for your character. Don't screw it up now by trying to wiggle your way out of doing what you know is the right thing to do.
> ...


Thanks I think I am heading there after TAFE tonight (I know he wont be home, unless he cancels his business dinner) I just have to stop the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach so i can actually talk to her.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Cedarman said:


> Unaware - Your guy has been lying to you and you know it. You would be doing the right thing to drop him and move on. If you want to be a good Samaritan - contact his wife - even if it's anonymously - to let her know about the hookup site and her husband's membership there.
> 
> PS - hope you practice safe sex.


Safety first :smthumbup: I didn't know him long enough to consider not using a condom


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

committedwife said:


> Oh, now STOP IT. Don't make light of this! Do you realize what she's going to have to process after your call? No, you don't. You have NO idea.
> 
> Here's what you say: "Hello, Mrs. As*hole's wife? My name is Naive. I am calling you to tell you that Mr. As*hole and I have been having an affair. I never realized he was married. Now that I know this I feel I need to make this right with you."
> 
> Answer ALL of her questions. Give her your phone number in case she needs to call you. BWs who are blindsided will typically have questions later on, or will want to talk to you to confirm what their hound-dog husband says. Let her know that you are available if she has any questions. Answer them when she asks.


I am really sorry, I don't mean to I have always used Humor at inappropriate times.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I have always been nothing but honest on that site and with the men and couples i have had encounters with. I knew there was always a possibility that they did not have the same level of honesty but until now i have never seen such a good liar.
> 
> Most of the single guys I have met have invited me into their homes (this one did not now a giant RED Flag) and there was no sign of a SO (at least not in the bathroom/ensuite). So I never worried.


Okay, you've always been honest. You've just stumbled onto someone who is taking advantage of that site, to get their ashes hauled. You should be righteously pissed and ready to bust him. 

Understand this: if you quietly back away, he'll do this to another woman. All while his wife is at home, washing his socks and making his lunch.

Think about it.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Unaware said:


> The site has a married seeking section which I have always stayed away from and made it clear on my profile i am looking for unattached or couples.


You still deserve better than this. Hey! I'm available, and I really am divorced and can prove it! I have lots of unwashed dishes in the sink and clothes all over the floor!

:rofl:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Safety first :smthumbup: I didn't know him long enough to consider not using a condom


Did you know STDs can _*STILL*_ be passed on, even with the use of a condom?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I am really sorry, I don't mean to I have always used Humor at inappropriate times.


Really? You do? Are you my long lost cousin?


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Did you know STDs can _*STILL*_ be passed on, even with the use of a condom?


Yes I do know that and I have been safe with all guys and girls I have been with, I also get tested every 6 months when non monogamous for me. I know too many ppl that have been hit with the STDs


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Have lunch with the wife, tell her the news, then one of you call Mr Man to come join the both of you. I'm sure he'd love that. It's every mans worst nightmare. Make it come true for him!


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Also, since this guy is on a sex website, I wonder how many other chicks he's bangin? Ever thought of that?


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Viseral said:


> Also, since this guy is on a sex website, I wonder how many other chicks he's bangin? Ever thought of that?


He was seeing me 3 or 4 times a week after hours, But yes Hence the still using protection


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> How do I approach this. Should I try to get her number from his phone? should I ask him for the details? Try to find her on FB?
> 
> How would you want to be told about it (Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a woman 10 years her junior  ) ???????


Me? I would not tell him.

I'd look on his phone. but how will you know who his wife is? Facebook might help you find her name. Do you know where he lives? If she works you could ask him where she works in conversation.

The reason I would want to talk to her without informing him is that he will not want you to talk to her. He's already told you that.

The 10 year younger thing is not the issue here. You don't know what she looks like, she might look better than you do. who knows. I've seen men cheat of beautiful women.. I mean Rachael Welch beautiful... with women who were rather ordinary.

If my husband was cheating I would not care how I was told. I would just want to be told.

You know that there is a good chance that you are not the only women he's having sex with these days right?


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I am Working full time and studying part time I don't have time to go out and meet ppl IRL but want sex a few times a week. This has worked well for me until now (although now i am questioning how many other guys had secret wives) :scratchhead:
> This makes me feel like the bad guy for wanting a sex life.


There's nothing wrong with YOU. But you have to realize that you are dealing in a murky area; you are meeting strange men who want the same thing you want: sex. Now you know that there are men who shouldn't be on those sites, but ARE. 

Bust their asses and get them off there. For YOUR sake as well as other women in your position.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> How would you want to be told about it (Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a *woman 10 years her junior * ) ???????


Also, if you do it via telephone or email or letter she would never see you and never need to know your age.

If you have any evidence, such as emails, etc, provide her copies of them as evidence. Most cheaters will deny. He could tell her that you are just some stalker chick. Also make sure you do it in a way that he cannot intercept anything you send.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Unaware said:


> He was seeing me 3 or 4 times a week after hours,


Sheesh. Beyond the pale for concealing a wife. I don't know how to call the business of informing the wife or not but dumping him is a priority. She has no idea about you and he's lying.

I guess I have to confess that when I have seen affairs happening with people close to me I have told the betrayed spouse. I told my brother's wife and she hung up the phone, went straight to her house, barged in and caught them in the act. They're still married, and both of them are actually grateful I did that.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Also, if you do it via telephone or email or letter she would never see you and never need to know your age.
> 
> If you have any evidence, such as emails, etc, provide her copies of them as evidence. Most cheaters will deny. He could tell her that you are just some stalker chick. Also make sure you do it in a way that he cannot intercept anything you send.


Printing up the emails now and i have never deleted a message from him in the 4 months I have known him, I don't even know why i commented on the age thing and its him that i am 10 years younger than, i don't know how old she is. 

I have seen his drivers license (how i know his address) and he showed me a pic of her last night.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Printing up the emails now and i have never deleted a message from him in the 4 months I have known him, I don't even know why i commented on the age thing and its him that i am 10 years younger than, i don't know how old she is.
> 
> I have seen his drivers license (how i know his address) and he showed me a pic of her last night.


Make sure that at least some of the emails you give her date back to your first contact with him so that she knows how long this has been going on.

Me.. I would print out some emails... some old.. some newer and give her all of the emails on a cd.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Hmmm...Free for all sex, no strings....just sex with whatever, whomever, where ever, anything goes....Why the sudden sense of a moral conscience about his marital status? Let me get this straight...You are a sex connoisseur with just one moral boundary? Eating off the meat smorgasbord but you are really vegetarian? It never occurred to you that any of the random sex partners could be married? Maybe you should be the one to get out of his life and set a higher standard for yourself. 3-4 x per week, sounds like you are getting emotionally involved big time and want to take the next step.
Most APs consider the BSs hurt to be trophy material, so why would you develop a conscience now and care if his wife gets hurt?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

In fairness, "anything goes" does not in any way characterize what she has said here and as a matter of fact her immediate concern over him being married is commendable.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you personally so desperate for sex that you'll accept bring essentially nothing more than a body to get him off sexually?

Why would you accept an empty relationship with a guy like that?


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> Most APs consider the BSs hurt to be trophy material, so why would you develop a conscience now and care if his wife gets hurt?


If this was what i considered Trophy material do you really think I would be seeking advice here?


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

He's lying to you and using you. You deserve better than to be just an orifice in which this slimeball gets his jollies. 

Now, if you have sat down with him and his wife and she's given her blessing for an open marriage, then you're okay. However, if all you've got is his word to go on, know that he's lying to you and this will come back to bite you after it's crushed his family.

Don't be a home wrecker. You can find better quality love and sex elsewhere from a guy with the guts to be honest. You know that leaving him is the best thing to do. No contact, never look back.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

moxy said:


> He's lying to you and using you. You deserve better than to be just an orifice in which this slimeball gets his jollies.
> 
> Now, if you have sat down with him and his wife and she's given her blessing for an open marriage, then you're okay. However, if all you've got is his word to go on, know that he's lying to you and this will come back to bite you after it's crushed his family.
> 
> Don't be a home wrecker. You can find better quality love and sex elsewhere from a guy with the guts to be honest. You know that leaving him is the best thing to do. No contact, never look back.


I am not planning to see him again 
I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman 
the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl 
But I would want to know so I am going to go there tonight and tell her


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I am not planning to see him again
> I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman
> the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl
> But I would want to know so I am going to go there tonight and tell her


Good luck on this. I really think you are doing the right thing. Just know that you have a lot of us here supporting you.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I am not planning to see him again
> I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman


This is the one thing that you need to relieve yourself of responsibility for. You need to disabuse yourself of the notion that this is somehow your fault. 

You didn't do this to this woman. You didn't know.

But he did.

You relieve yourself of all "responsibility" the moment you do the right thing and let her know who she is married to.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

3putt said:


> This is the one thing that you need to relieve yourself of responsibility for. You need to disabuse yourself of the notion that this is somehow your fault.
> 
> You didn't do this to this woman. You didn't know.
> 
> ...


I have always had the notion that a cheater is just trying to make themselves feel better by telling the partner. 

after reading some of the heart wrenching stuff in here I don't know what I think


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I am not planning to see him again
> I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman
> the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl
> But I would want to know so I am going to go there tonight and tell her


Well done!


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I have always had the notion that a cheater is just trying to make themselves feel better by telling the partner.
> 
> after reading some of the heart wrenching stuff in here I don't know what I think


Alright, knock it off. You're not the cheater here. You are every bit as much a victim in all this as his wife is. He has lied to you both to satisfy his own selfish carnal needs with no regard to what he was doing to his wife...or you. Considering how awful you feel right now, do you want to just turn him loose to wreak this kind of havoc on another woman just like you?

I can tell you're better than this. All you have to do now is prove it by doing the right thing.

I would also seriously reconsider hookups in the fashion that you are utilizing now. If you don't, you just may find yourself back here again with the same sad story to tell. Next time though, it will be on you...because you didn't learn your lesson the first time.

Think about it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I love the sex with him, but it is cheating. *If I am helping the relationship, is it a super bad thing?* I know i am trying to rationalise continuing to sleep with him. To clarify I have not had any sexual contact with his since I found out.


Helping what relationship?? You think him getting his sexual needs met from someone other than his W can help his marriage?

Nobody here hates you, certainly not if you were lied to and used. But if you knowingly pursued a relationship with an attached man you won't get support in that regard.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Lon said:


> Helping what relationship?? You think him getting his sexual needs met from someone other than his W can help his marriage?
> 
> Nobody here hates you, certainly not if you were lied to and used. But if you knowingly pursued a relationship with an attached man you won't get support in that regard.


I have not and will not ever knowingly pursue a married person without their SO knowledge


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I have not and will not ever knowingly pursue a married person without their SO knowledge


I just caught up on rest of thread, sorry I commented a little prematurely (no pun intended).

As to the notion that cheaters only tell to make themselves feel better, well that is partially correct, when cornered they reveal the "trickle truth" such as "she was just flirty" "she gave me her number but I didn't call" "we were just being friendly" "we never kissed" "we never fvcked" etc. I suspect with each iteration they get just a small sense of relief that they may have put out a fire in reality they are just fueling it.

I would definitely advise telling the W but also be prepared for an unpleasant reaction from her, her world is about to come crashing down and she may lash out at you, know that as one of many BS on here, the truth is all she ever needs, it's all any of us betrayed wanted, was for our spouses to be honest, and if not then for us to know the truth so we can decide what to do with it - ignorance is not bliss when the foundation of the marriage has a gaping crack.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I am not planning to see him again
> I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman
> the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl
> But I would want to know so I am going to go there tonight and tell her


This is awesome. 

I'm glad that people like you do exist, people who see the situation for what it is despite their part in it who try to make things better.

You deserve better than this slimeball -- and so does his wife. It's good that you're going to tell her. You might get a lot of anger directed at you, but I hope that the BW has enough sense to realize that you're not intentionally in this mess and that you're not trying to wreck her home, but give her a clue about her husband's shenanigans. 

When you're done telling them the situation, block your ex's phone number and email address. Cut him out of your life like he's a bit of necrotic flesh.

Good Luck!


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## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

3putt said:


> You still deserve better than this. Hey! I'm available, and I really am divorced and can prove it! I have lots of unwashed dishes in the sink and clothes all over the floor!
> 
> :rofl:


3putt, you owe me a new screen. Just spat coffee over this one...


----------



## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I am not planning to see him again
> I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman
> the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl
> But I would want to know so I am going to go there tonight and tell her


Please let us know how it goes. You are doing the right thing and I applaud you. Good luck.


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am very new here and fully aware that most of you will hate me.
> 
> ...


Do you really think you're helping this poor woman out who is being asked for sex by her husband but doesnt want to give it up?? Maybe you should call her and ask her if she thinks you're helping her out. Dont believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Cheaters lie and I guarantee his wife wouldnt be "ok" with the situation!


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Should have finished reading before responding.

I hope you follow through with what you say you are going to do, it really is the best way!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I am not planning to see him again
> I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what i have done to this woman
> the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl
> But I would want to know so I am going to go there tonight and tell her


Did you tell his wife? How did it go?


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

OK 
So I drive over and Knock on the door Wife answers we exchange pleasantries then it got strange. I say what I need to say, She looks annoyed. 

She says to me I don't want to know who he is sleeping with. and she pushed me out the door.

I am perplexed :scratchhead:, I don't know if she was confirming his story or if she was so shocked that she couldn't deal with it. Anger I was ready for, but Annoyance?


----------



## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Unaware said:


> OK
> So I drive over and Knock on the door Wife answers we exchange pleasantries then it got strange. I say what I need to say, She looks annoyed.
> 
> She says to me I don't want to know who he is sleeping with. and she pushed me out the door.
> ...


Firstly, well done for going. 

When you say you exchanged pleasantries, what exactly did you say? How did you go on from there? Knowing a little more detail might explain her reaction.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Unaware said:


> OK
> So I drive over and Knock on the door Wife answers we exchange pleasantries then it got strange. I say what I need to say, She looks annoyed.
> 
> She says to me I don't want to know who he is sleeping with. and she pushed me out the door.
> ...


Unfortunately, some BS's simply do not care if their spouses are doing anything behind their backs as long as their lifestyle isn't interfered by it. 

I think she'll probably come around after giving it some more thought though. She's probably just in shock and not so eager to initially take the word of a complete stranger about the state of her marriage. Doesn't matter though. You've done the right thing, and that DOES matter.

Good job!


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

You've done the right thing. Now let her deal with her private little hell. Move on and don't look back.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Louise7 said:


> Firstly, well done for going.
> 
> When you say you exchanged pleasantries, what exactly did you say? How did you go on from there? Knowing a little more detail might explain her reaction.


Ok so i have played this back in my mind a few times, May not be exact words but it is as close as i remember so i got stuck at the end bit replaying so the beginning is a little blurred 

Me - Hi 
W - Hi, 
Me - I am ***** I need to talk to you about *******
W - oh you know *******, Come in, How do you Know *****
Me - That's what i need to talk to you about, I met him online 
W - OK 
Me - On a adult site 
W - Ok
Me - I swear I didn't know that he was married until last night... I have been sleeping with him for about 4 months now... I have some emails and Text messages
W - Ok would you leave now I don't want to know 
Me - Ummm Ok 
W - I really don't need to know who he is sleeping with 
Me - ok sorry 
W - Ok bye 

The confusion has made question if I was listening to her right
She did not want the emails 
She did not seam angry 
She didn't want to know


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Hmmmm, very interesting, she was probably relieved you weren't the wife of the man SHE'S been seeing.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

The whole this went for about 60 seconds


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Hmmmm, very interesting, she was probably relieved you weren't the wife of the man SHE'S been seeing.


Yeah good point


----------



## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Ok so i have played this back in my mind a few times, May not be exact words but it is as close as i remember so i got stuck at the end bit replaying so the beginning is a little blurred
> 
> Me - Hi
> W - Hi,
> ...


Wow. I can see why you're confused. It really does sound a lot like they have some kind of 'open marriage' going on and she really does not want to know. It also sounds like he's done this before and maybe this woman has had to deal with a whole line of OW before you. 

But here's the thing... You are clearly a bright lady and you've got more balls to do what you did in coming clean than a lot of men I know. I would just ask you to think about continuing to use that site where you hooked up with the guy to begin with. I get that you want regular sex but why not look for someone by more conventional means? It might be less risky than encountering another wayward or worse.


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Louise is right. You deserve better. Ther are a lot of men *cough3putt* who would love to know the great gal you are.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Sounds like you got the ok you were looking for.

Happy Banging!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well you did it. Her response was, well odd.

Have you heard from him?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kindi said:


> Sounds like you got the ok you were looking for.
> 
> Happy Banging!


I'm not sure she was looking for an Ok. Especially not to contiue being fwb with a liar.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> Louise is right. You deserve better. Ther are a lot of men *cough3putt* who would love to know the great gal you are.


----------



## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> Louise is right. You deserve better. Ther are a lot of men *cough3putt* who would love to know the great gal you are.


Ooooh I love this...matchmaking/romance/first date and all that. What a great idea!:smthumbup:


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Of course that was confusing.

We tend to assume people have the same conscience we do, so we expect reactions that mirror ours. Our lives also have a completely different context. We haven't just robbed a bank or gotten someone else's wife pregnant or what have you so it is difficult to even conceive the context they are operating from.

Since this man has been a lying piece of doo-doo to you for such an extensive time you can infer major dysfunctionality in his own home. We can't know exactly, but that isn't too important. 

What is important here is that you cleared your own conscience and did one very right thing. It doesn't matter what bizarre relationship they have - you've been abused by this man. He was hoping you'd be a nice little obedient sex kitten and continue on as he prefers.

If you saw someone drop a $100 bill at the checkout counter, you'd pick it back up for them and hand it over, right? If they turned around and you saw they were some freaky schizoid basket case and said fu*k you very much, you still did the right thing insofar as your own character regardless of whether they are a basket case. You then make mental note to avoid this person if you see them. 

I "get" that people have different sex profiles with some being bisexual, some homosexual, some into swinging or others asexual etc. But the one thing that is completely independent of all that is dishonesty. Who cares what their sexual preferences are, their political orientation, their religion, whatever - this is bad character and you can't trust them. 

Part of you may have been hoping to find that the wife was perfectly OK with him doing other women. But this isn't about her so much as it is about you since he lied to you so thoroughly. There's nothing more basic than whether you are married or not, in terms of relationships. If you're an escort then that's a different story, but an escort is paid in dollars instead of reciprocal emotional obligation. I still see no point in lying to an escort though, just like I wouldn't lie to a barber or a client or what have you. The only people lies are justified for are enemies that can do you harm like the rapist at the door. You can tell him your husband is due home any second. 

Cut yourself off from this guy and walk away from the wife. This is about you setting boundaries for what kind of character you accept in your life.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I'm not sure she was looking for an Ok. Especially not to contiue being fwb with a liar.


Yeah No 
It still makes me feel dirty 
I have been the BW (as in Woman not Wife) and I hate that he used me, Had he been open about it is the first place i never would have slept with him cos I too would have assumed he was lying.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Well you did it. Her response was, well odd.
> 
> Have you heard from him?


Yeah 
He wanted to know if we could still meet up tonight 
I am yet to reply, I do not know that I will respond at all.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Yeah
> He wanted to know if we could still meet up tonight
> I am yet to reply, I do not know that I will respond at all.


NC would probably be best. He doesn't deserve any response/explanation, anything. He should figure it out you aren't ok with it, especially since you went to the wife...

Don't let him eat cake with you too. Just drop the turd. 

You did good, btw.


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> Most APs consider the BSs hurt to be trophy material, so why would you develop a conscience now and care if his wife gets hurt?


Heck, I don't care WHY she's got this parameter; I am just thrilled for her that she DOES.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Yeah
> He wanted to know if we could still meet up tonight
> I am yet to reply, I do not know that I will respond at all.


Did he contact you after you spoke to his wife or before?


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> OK
> So I drive over and Knock on the door Wife answers we exchange pleasantries then it got strange. I say what I need to say, She looks annoyed.
> 
> She says to me I don't want to know who he is sleeping with. and she pushed me out the door.
> ...


You delivered the message. Your work there is done. How she deals with it is up to her. 

Well done! :smthumbup:


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Did he contact you after you spoke to his wife or before?


After 
I got that SMS at 8am this morning 
I spoke to her at about 8pm last night


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Yeah
> He wanted to know if we could still meet up tonight
> I am yet to reply, I do not know that I will respond at all.


Um. I wouldn't respond and don't open the door if he knocks. He may be fine or he may be hiding his true feelings. The guy's a liar so you just never know.


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

kindi said:


> Sounds like you got the ok you were looking for.
> 
> Happy Banging!


You are obviously new to this thread. Please read the whole thing before you respond.


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Yeah
> He wanted to know if we could still meet up tonight
> I am yet to reply, I do not know that I will respond at all.


I would suggest you text him and say "You need to talk to your wife." 

Then change your cell phone number. It takes about 5 minutes; you're done with the madness. At minimum, block him.


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

Are you sure that was his wife? Just saying...I got a couple of buddies who have some lady friends who I could easily use to pass of as my wife to make up a lie for me if needed, not that I've used them but I could if I wanted to.

Just don't respond and move on from him IMO, less drama.

Do they have kids, family, friends? What if a kid finds out, calls you 24/7 to harass you....

Or he gives out your info to a buddy who's looking for just a quickie too.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

CH said:


> Are you sure that was his wife? Just saying...I got a couple of buddies who have some lady friends who I could easily use to pass of as my wife to make up a lie for me if needed, not that I've used them but I could if I wanted to.
> 
> Just don't respond and move on from him IMO


He showed me a picture of her, I did not tell him I was going to confront her and she was at His home address at 8 pm when he was at a business dinner. I just assumed it was his wife


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Unaware said:


> After
> I got that SMS at 8am this morning
> I spoke to her at about 8pm last night


But you don't know what is going on in their house. She may not have said anything to him yet; some betrayeds wait. And does it matter? Are you okay with screwing a married man, even with his wife's 'permission'? No, you're not; you're a smart woman who knows the pitfalls and baggage that come with that.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

committedwife said:


> But you don't know what is going on in their house. She may not have said anything to him yet; some betrayeds wait. And does it matter? Are you okay with screwing a married man, even with his wife's 'permission'? No, you're not; you're a smart woman who knows the pitfalls and baggage that come with that.


It is more the lies that get me. but then without her saying go for it I would never believe a man telling me his wife told him to go fu*k someone else cos she doesn't want to. 
But then until i came to TAM I thought that married guys just complained about lack of sex for attention. I can not imagine being Married to a man and not wanting him to make love to me for months and months on end.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unaware said:


> It is more the lies that get me. but then without her saying go for it I would never believe a man telling me his wife told him to go fu*k someone else cos she doesn't want to.
> But then until i came to TAM I thought that married guys just complained about lack of sex for attention. I can not imagine being Married to a man and not wanting him to make love to me for months and months on end.


What I find a little curious is that you've mentioned twice that he was out at his "business dinner". I wonder who his other "business" partner is? From her reaction, his w seemed aware of his cheating ways, he has probably been at this game for awhile.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I can not imagine being Married to a man and not wanting him to make love to me for months and months on end.


Sure you can. 

Look at what this man just did to you. I think you can imagine a wife getting involved with him and falling for his lies, then discovering who he really is.

It made you not want to make love to him, right?

So there you go.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Lon said:


> What I find a little curious is that you've mentioned twice that he was out at his "business dinner". I wonder who his other "business" partner is? From her reaction, his w seemed aware of his cheating ways, he has probably been at this game for awhile.


I thought the same thing.....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Sure you can.
> 
> Look at what this man just did to you. I think you can imagine a wife getting involved with him and falling for his lies, then discovering who he really is.
> 
> ...


Leaving him might be the best solution... not staying in such a marriage.

Of course the wife might already be on her way out. But we don't know.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Sure you can.
> 
> Look at what this man just did to you. I think you can imagine a wife getting involved with him and falling for his lies, then discovering who he really is.
> 
> ...


I don't Love him, When I was cheated on I screwed my mans brains out for the next 4 months. He was having a full affair with his "best friend", and I stayed for another 3 years still making love with him every night he came home and would have sex with me. 
I don't Love Mr Married and have been able to turn off of him very quickly.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Sure you can.
> 
> Look at what this man just did to you. I think you can imagine a wife getting involved with him and falling for his lies, then discovering who he really is.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Bada-BOOM!


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Why is this difficult? Just stop seeing him. Nobody has you chained down.


Yes. he is spoken for by some lucky woman.

Have some self respect and some respect for his wife as a woman. Get someone who is single. You said yourself you arent wanting a relationship, just sex is way too easy to come by for a woman to tolerate this garbage.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Talk about "dirty". This whole thread makes me want to take a shower.

OP, do you want a real relationship? Or are you content just screwing around? 

Here's why I ask. The longer you screw around with random people you've met on a sex site, the lower your chances are of landing a quality life partner or long-term companion. Men don't want to have long-term relationships with women who go out of their way to have casual sex with multiple partners. Period. Think about that.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Gabriel said:


> Talk about "dirty". This whole thread makes me want to take a shower.
> 
> OP, do you want a real relationship? Or are you content just screwing around?
> 
> Here's why I ask. The longer you screw around with random people you've met on a sex site, the lower your chances are of landing a quality life partner or long-term companion. Men don't want to have long-term relationships with women who go out of their way to have casual sex with multiple partners. Period. Think about that.


I have recently left a cheating spouse, I was trying to have some fun whilst studying and to have a life after my world was shattered. But thanks for making me feel like sh*t!


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yeah, it's getting off topic a bit. Your original question was answered and you did the right thing.

Please bear in mind that I mean no offense in what I'm about to say. I think you have a good heart.

I think what they are trying to say is make sure that when you do settle down that your "numbers" are pretty close with your potential marriage partner. Women with high numbers can scare away some guys with much lower numbers. Plus the exposure you have to STDs with higher numbers. I think we are just concerned about the lifestyle you are leading. That's all.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

sandc said:


> Yeah, it's getting off topic a bit. Your original question was answered and you did the right thing.
> 
> Please bear in mind that I mean no offense in what I'm about to say. I think you have a good heart.
> 
> I think what they are trying to say is make sure that when you do settle down that your "numbers" are pretty close with your potential marriage partner. Women with high numbers can scare away some guys with much lower numbers. Plus the exposure you have to STDs with higher numbers. I think we are just concerned about the lifestyle you are leading. That's all.


I like that it is just assumed that I must have higher numbers. What is a higher number? If i said I had slept with 30 men you would not question it but what if my number was 5, 6 if you include ladies? is that too high?
I guess after the initial support i got i was not ready for the personal attack.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Unaware said:


> I don't Love Mr Married and have been able to turn off of him very quickly.


It's too bad you've taken criticism for lifestyle choices that aren't pertinent to your question, and you are understandably defensive. 

I was asking you to imagine some other woman falling for his lies and then discovering who he really is. Golly, that doesn't take too much imagination. The object of this imagination is his current wife, not you and your former spouse. 

I accept that you didn't love him. It isn't necessary for this lesson. You turned off of him. Because he lied so thoroughly. 

I am really sorry for this experience on the heels of what I take was a divorce previously, and for the flak you took here. I am even more convinced now you would benefit from learning how to spot manipulative people before you get involved with them.

Good luck to you.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Well you did it. Her response was, well odd.
> 
> Have you heard from him?


He has not stopped contacting me. 
He came round last night and was banging on the door ( i pretended to not be home)


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> I am really sorry for this experience on the heels of what I take was a divorce previously, and for the flak you took here. I am even more convinced now you would benefit from learning how to spot manipulative people before you get involved with them.
> 
> Good luck to you.


Not a divorce Just the end of a LTR. 

what books would you recommend for learning such things. Until my Ex i thought i was good at reading ppl.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Unaware said:


> I like that it is just assumed that I must have higher numbers. What is a higher number? If i said I had slept with 30 men you would not question it but what if my number was 5, 6 if you include ladies? is that too high?
> I guess after the initial support i got i was not ready for the personal attack.


I'm not trying to pick a fight with you. Your numbers don't affect me at all. The only opinion that matters is that held by your future special someone. That's all I'm saying. Peace. Bowing out now.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

sandc said:


> I'm not trying to pick a fight with you. Your numbers don't affect me at all. The only opinion that matters is that held by your future special someone. That's all I'm saying. Peace. Bowing out now.


Sorry and thank you for the advice


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Unaware said:


> Not a divorce Just the end of a LTR.
> 
> what books would you recommend for learning such things. Until my Ex i thought i was good at reading ppl.


"In Sheep's Clothing - Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People" by Dr. George Simon. Get a most recent edition, but a used copy of it on amazon and it will probably be less than ten bucks. 

I've read about a dozen spanning a spectrum of manipulative sub-types but this one is the best over-all book on manipulation that I am aware of for a couple of reasons. First, because the tactics he names are so widely used in this era, and secondly because it is so well written. 

I sent it by PM in response to yours, but you may not have seen it. I'm very encouraged you are willing to read up because believe me this is going to be an eye-opener for you.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Sorry and thank you for the advice


Best of luck, hon.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> He has not stopped contacting me.
> He came round last night and was banging on the door ( i pretended to not be home)


Maybe his wife has not said anything to him and he does not understand your sudden cold shoulder.

Or maybe she had told him. Just hope he’s not a scary guy as well as a liar.

Just stay safe. You did the right thing.

I had a guy do something similar to me a long time ago. He told me he was divorced and living with his friends. His friends backup up the story. He and his friends forgot to tell me that the divorce was not final and he went back to live with his wife. Silly me, trusting people. So I have a bit of an idea of how you feel in this.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Maybe his wife has not said anything to him and he does not understand your sudden cold shoulder.
> 
> Or maybe she had told him. * Just hope he’s not a scary guy as well as a liar.
> 
> ...


Yes, please stay safe!


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

sandc said:


> Yeah, it's getting off topic a bit. Your original question was answered and you did the right thing.
> 
> Please bear in mind that I mean no offense in what I'm about to say. I think you have a good heart.
> 
> I think what they are trying to say is make sure that when you do settle down that your "numbers" are pretty close with your potential marriage partner. Women with high numbers can scare away some guys with much lower numbers. Plus the exposure you have to STDs with higher numbers. I think we are just concerned about the lifestyle you are leading. That's all.


This is exactly the point I was trying to make. Sorry if it came off harshly. I do think that is not off topic, however. OP, you run the risk of these types of situations happening when you elect to seek sex out from these sites. I'm not judging the morality of it, I can see why someone might try it, but you are inviting this type of stuff/drama into your life. Maybe it's time to reassess your choices?


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

We just worry about you, Unaware. Please don't think we are judging you. Think of us as a bunch of nosey, doting, cyber-aunties and uncles.


----------



## SkaterDad (Aug 21, 2012)

Unaware said:


> It is more the lies that get me. but then without her saying go for it I would never believe a man telling me his wife told him to go fu*k someone else cos she doesn't want to.
> But then until i came to TAM I thought that married guys just complained about lack of sex for attention. I can not imagine being Married to a man and not wanting him to make love to me for months and months on end.


well it goes both ways. I'd come home to a tired cranky wife who wanted none of it. Turns out she was wrapped up in an EA sending porn to and ex BF, who was living with his GF/Fiance. It goes both ways, I am hi drive she isn't (well for me, now!). But liars are liars. It's less the cheating and more being lied to my face. 

But you're right, drop the dude (POS), answer any questions his wife might have and find someone. Sex is great but I've been nearly 6 months, find yourself and then you'll find someone. I have a kid, and combined interests with my stbx, so it's messier, but I'll agree with one thing, crass as it may sound, none of us want a woman who has been run thru, as a long term partner. (well some might) As much as i want to be a man wh0re right now, it won't do me or my daughter any good..... 

You did the right thing, wish I would have been told about my cheating wife!


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

SkaterDad said:


> well it goes both ways. I'd come home to a tired cranky wife who wanted none of it. Turns out she was wrapped up in an EA sending porn to and ex BF, who was living with his GF/Fiance. It goes both ways, I am hi drive she isn't (well for me, now!). But liars are liars. It's less the cheating and more being lied to my face.
> 
> But you're right, drop the dude (POS), answer any questions his wife might have and find someone. Sex is great but I've been nearly 6 months, find yourself and then you'll find someone. I have a kid, and combined interests with my stbx, so it's messier, but I'll agree with one thing, crass as it may sound, none of us want a woman who has been run thru, as a long term partner. (well some might) As much as i want to be a man wh0re right now, it won't do me or my daughter any good.....
> 
> You did the right thing, wish I would have been told about my cheating wife!


Am in the process of ending it ( well I am out and he is figuring that out). 
I would like to know what these abbreviations mean? :scratchhead:
POS? 
STBX? 
POSOM? 
im sure there are others 
I have worked out most of them, but need help :scratchhead:


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unaware said:


> Am in the process of ending it ( well I am out and he is figuring that out).
> I would like to know what these abbreviations mean? :scratchhead:
> POS?
> STBX?
> ...


POS = piece of sh!t
STBX = soon to be ex
POSOM = piece of sh!t other man


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

POS - Piece Of Shat
STBX - Soon to be Ex-
POSOM - POS Other Man
POSOW - What we don't want you to be.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

sandc said:


> We just worry about you, Unaware. Please don't think we are judging you. Think of us as a bunch of nosey, doting, cyber-aunties and uncles.


I didn't mean to get all defensive I was just having a hard time dealing with all of his emails and texts.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

sandc said:


> POS - Piece Of Shat
> STBX - Soon to be Ex-
> POSOM - POS Other Man
> POSOW - What we don't want you to be.


ok 
that makes sense now

And not i do not want to be the POSOW


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Unaware said:


> ok
> that makes sense now
> 
> And not i do not want to be the POSOW


Well, hon, you've already proven that just by being here.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

3putt said:


> Well, hon, you've already proven that just by being here.


:biggrinangelA: well im no angel but I try to do the right thing


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I hate to say this but from reading your conversation with his wife he was telling the truth,but now the issues is he knows where you live and could be very angry and if he is a person that keeps things in its just a matter of time before he will confront you in person so stay safe.

I think in the majority of affairs people don't get violent,but when somebody life is torn apart and they may lose their family or lose their fanily some people do snap and the person who exposed them becomes the target and in todays world people snap quicly so if you want to expose somebody you need to think about everything.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

dubbizle said:


> I hate to say this but from reading your conversation with his wife he was telling the truth,but now the issues is he knows where you live and could be very angry and if he is a person that keeps things in its just a matter of time before he will confront you in person so stay safe.
> 
> I think in the majority of affairs people don't get violent,but when somebody life is torn apart and they may lose their family or lose their fanily some people do snap and the person who exposed them becomes the target and in todays world people snap quicly so if you want to expose somebody you need to think about everything.


Yes, agree. Please be careful of this guy. You said you don't even really know him, and now he's banging on your door. Best to steer clear of this person.

While you never developed feelings for him, it's very possible he developed feelings for you.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Unaware said:


> How do I approach this. Should I try to get her number from his phone? should I ask him for the details? Try to find her on FB?
> 
> How would you want to be told about it (Not that anyone would ever WANT to be told that their husband is sleeping with a woman 10 years her junior  ) ???????


Let me give you some advice that will be seen by most as misogynistic. But it is the truth. 

Find out more about his wife before you visit her personally. If she is prettier than you, go tell her directly. If you're more attractive than her I would not recommend going to her; I'd say call her. The reason I say this is because as the OW (even though this is his fault not yours) you could very easily be demonized. When you go to her, her husband will view it as a betrayal and immediately try to retaliate by saying you seduced him, etc. 

In so many words, you need to seem as non-threatening to her as possible and it probably won't happen if she sees you as a threat at a very fundamental, aesthetic level. You want this woman to be your friend, not your foe.


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