# Tug of war



## bab1957 (Aug 10, 2011)

Hi all, you know me as bab123. Had problems logging in so I had to come back in as bab1957. My H and I had an all day fight. First is was about doing our taxes, which are waay overdue. I know we will still get a refund. We always do, no matter how late we are. I asked If he could pay for it, and he said he would have to see how much it cost.(he had no problem last year going to H&R Block and having our taxes done. I said he would get his 80 bucks back and then some when we got our return.(it was over 2000 dollars last year) 
I asked what the problem was, its a no brainer. We need to have or taxes done, and he would get his money back. We went back and forth, and H got really upset about it.
Next came our house. We have too much stuff. My husband won't throw away things that are useless. If I attempt to throw anything out myself he gets upset. I said its my house too, and I have a right to have a house thats neat and clean, not loaded with junk.(you should see our basement)
I put my foot down when he was going to keep the plastic coffee containers. (he uses them to keep the plastic milk jug caps in) When I asked him why he keeps milk jug caps, he couldn't give me a reason. I made sure he put them in the recyle bin.
As you know, my H has been out of work for almost three years. He doesn't make consistant financial contribution to the household, even tho he has money comming from his National Guard retirement, and occasional work. As you may remember, I took him off the joint saving account because he has a savings of his own. He also thinks he should know how much is in my savings account, yet wont tell me whats in his.
When he left the house, I broke down. I just don't know how much more I can take. Being pretty much the sole provider of the household has taken its toll on me. I just want out.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He sounds like a compulsive hoarder.

I dated one for 3 years...but because of his condition, had to break it off. That couldn't be my life.


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## ItHappenedToMe (Aug 5, 2011)

Babs, have you considered counseling? Especially for him? There's something not right when someone hoards. I'm sure there can be many reasons. 'That we might need it' doesn't fly with plastic bottle caps. 

There are things I hang onto. Money has always been tight, and we have a growing family, so I keep an eye towards 're-use.' The other things I keep are momentos. We lost a lot of personal things when I was a child, and I'm very big on family history and photos, etc. (Note to self: I really should digitize most of this stuff!).

Recently I closed my father's home. That was tough - what to do with everything (20 years of 'keeping'), and what needed to be saved. We brought back many boxes of things that need to be parred down more. Several things were missing, family heirlooms, which was terrible to experience. I honestly felt violated. 

Gotta run..


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## bab1957 (Aug 10, 2011)

99.999 percent of the things he has in the basement are not heirlooms. Im tempted to start making things dissapear one thing at a time. Maybe he wont notice. This has been going on for quite a while now.
We were in marriage counseling, but stopped because we could no longer afford it. I am the only one bringing in a steady income. But you are right, he needs to talk to someone. 
Even straightening up the coffee table in the living room is a struggle. Can't throw away the old magazines because "he hasn't looked at them yet."
He wasn't like this when we first lived together. Our apartment was neat. So was the house after we got married. Didn't realize I married a nut case.
Its depressing to live with so much junk.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sad thing is, he will notice. My ex FREAKED OUT when I threw away a pile of newspaper from 3 years prior.

He knew instantly when he walked in that they were missing.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've watched enough TLC to know hoarding is (apparently) an anxiety disorder. But it's also a shopaholic thing too. My wife is a hoarder-lite. My sister is a hoarder too (or she's just the biggest slob on earth).


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## bab1957 (Aug 10, 2011)

Right now Im the one who feels they need counseling. I am not happy. I think my H choses to ignore the fact. I hate my life. I want to yell at my husband, "I hope your [email protected]#$ happy. You have me all to yourself now!!" No friends to lean on, and I live with mr. good for nothing. You seldom work, the house is a mess because you don't want to throw stuff away, and you have a yours mine and ours attitude when it comes to possessions and money. I just had to get this off my chest. Im not doing good. 
I know he loves me, but I have lost respect for him. Sometimes I think I would rather be alone.


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