# Lazy and babied husband



## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

We've known each other for 8 years, married for 2. 

When I first met him he told me he was doing some small business on the side. None of the small projects he claimed to be doing seem to work out. Eventually I knew he didn't have any goals in life, never had a real job, his parents provided him living expenses. 

I never agree to such behaviour. I am from an underprivileged family and need to work for everything I have. I love him and I changed my mindset about him finding a job and even working, if his family is going to provide him a comfortable life as long as he's happy. 

We eventually got married 2 years ago and he said he will listen to where I want to stay and any concerns i have as a condition for my hand in marriage. He worked part time until it was physically straining for him to continue. 
For the last year he has been staying at home while I work full time. He never needs a penny from me, he would even provide me allowance and his family pays for the house we live in. 

6 months ago he said he has no goals in life, he hasn't made any money, and wants a change. He wants to move back to his parent's country where I am unfamiliar with the language. I thought about going, but when i ask him what he will do, he has no clear answer. He just wants to there and seize an opportunity. 

He would talk as if I was holding him back from succeeding because I dont sound like i want to go with him. I know all his life he has been mothered dearly, never have to lift a finger, everything handed to him. It would be very hard to succeed without any hard work, something he's never done. When he talks to my parents about his ideas, it all sounds childish (making money fast). 


Positives: 
- very good to my family. Well mannered, gets along
- decides to not to move to accommodate my feelings.
- He drives me to work and takes out the garbage, does occasional dishes 
- He doesn't go out to parties, drinks, etc.

Negatives:
- For the last 2 years our sex life has gone down. I've talked to him about it and he says i'm not 'sexy' or he will say i can't expect it to be the same as when we were dating. I posted about that in the sex forum in more detail. I've lost confidence and need physical intimacy in my life. 
- He complains abt not succeeding without having done anything with his life
- he can't even make breakfast. I would need to make microwave oatmeal and fruit for him or else he'd buy it from a store. 
- He talks as if money grows on trees. Not surprising by the way money is given to him

He's a good person. However, without even physical intimacy, I'm starting to doubt I can handle this relationship. I'm scared of leaving, both because i've been so dependent on him for so long and i would be in a really poor financial situation. 

I thought he would grow up as time goes by but it seems like i've been more in the motherly role after being married 

Have I worked on this relationship enough that it's not going to change and I should leave?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

If I were you I would insist he go with you to a few marriage counseling sessions, to try to get some definition of where you both see yourself in 5 years. If you are unhappy sexually I would really worry about the future, he sounds more like a 'little brother or best friend' than a husband.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Sorry, he sounds like a millstone around your neck that is only going to get heavier with time.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Get out now and don't have kids with him whatever you do. Sorry but a man with no ambition or work ethic is a very poor choice for a life partner.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Holland said:


> Get out now and don't have kids with him whatever you do. Sorry but a man with no ambition or work ethic is a very poor choice for a life partner.


Not to mention a man who says his wife is "not sexy."


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I would guess he finds you 'not sexy' because you views you as a Mommy who takes care of him rather than a wife/partner.

There is NO partnership in this relationship. What will he do when his parents' money runs out (and someday, it WILL)? Do NOT have children with this person....how will they ever learn how a man/husband/father should behave if he is the only 'example' they have of those things?

BTW: The 'positives' you listed are such a low set of expectations that any idiot (much less a real MAN) could easily exceed them...except him, apparently!

.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

indiecat said:


> If I were you I would insist he go with you to a few marriage counseling sessions, to try to get some definition of where you both see yourself in 5 years. If you are unhappy sexually I would really worry about the future, he sounds more like a 'little brother or best friend' than a husband.


Thank you indiecat. I agree. I was previously thinking about getting counselling. 
We got into an argument today. While in our angry state I mentioned whether he would go see counsellor with me if I booked an appointment. He asked what for. I said our physical intimacy issues are really dragging me down, to the point I'm not sure how to address them. He INSISTS that he doesn't want to go. Doesn't think its a problem. 

The only problem he sees right now is he has not succeeded anything in life and in order to fix that he needs to move to where his parents are, a different country. 

Unfortunately I think he might lose his wife before succeeding =/


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I would guess he finds you 'not sexy' because you views you as a Mommy who takes care of him rather than a wife/partner.
> 
> There is NO partnership in this relationship. What will he do when his parents' money runs out (and someday, it WILL)? Do NOT have children with this person....how will they ever learn how a man/husband/father should behave if he is the only 'example' they have of those things?
> 
> ...


Thank you SlowlyGettingWiser. 
I know I'm giving him excuses but I know why he became like this. He won't run out of money in his lifetime (his kids might but he certainly won't). I feel when i met him in his earlier years he had more drive to do things but after his parents got more money he just stopped, thinking anything can be bought with money. 

I do feel like I should step back and think carefully about staying with him. I don't want to have children and regret. 

Do you think a good man/husband should be what holland said above? 

"Get out now and don't have kids with him whatever you do. Sorry but a man with no ambition or work ethic is a very poor choice for a life partner."

what if he has no ambition to work/make money but he had good ambitions about taking care of the family? That was what i was hoping for, although i don't think he can at this present time. 


Thanks for ur insight


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

newlywed_wife said:


> 6 months ago he said he has no goals in life, he hasn't made any money, and wants a change. He wants to move back to his parent's country where I am unfamiliar with the language. I thought about going, but when i ask him what he will do, he has no clear answer. He just wants to there and seize an opportunity.


I am curious, if you both move there, what is his plan for supporting you both? You would have to give up your job, and if you are unfamiliar with the language in his country then it's unlikely you will find another one there. Will his parents support you? What is his answer to that?




newlywed_wife said:


> what if he has no ambition to work/make money but he had good ambitions about taking care of the family? That was what i was hoping for, although i don't think he can at this present time.


There's nothing really wrong with that, in fact, it's considered OK when women have that same attitude. But when men do, it's wrong? That's a bit hypocritical. But in either case, at some point you both still need a real plan for someone to get a job.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

newlywed_wife said:


> He worked part time until it was physically straining for him to continue.


I'm curious as to what this means?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

newlywed_wife said:


> what if he has no ambition to work/make money but he had good ambitions about taking care of the family? That was what i was hoping for, although i don't think he can at this present time.


You wrote that he drives you to work and takes out the garbage, does occasional dishes but how is he spending his time?

Ambition and being 'engaged' with life can take many forms outside of a paying job - and I think observing his actions can help determine the answer to your question here. What are your thoughts?

What does he feel will happen if he moves back to his home-country and how long has he lived away for? Is there any chance he's in a bit of a funk? 

Aside from that aspect, if he's not acknowledging that your needs aren't being met and isn't willing to work on your relationship together - there's only so much you can do. It takes both of you to create change for the marriage.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

newlywed_wife said:


> Thank you SlowlyGettingWiser.
> I know I'm giving him excuses but I know why he became like this. He won't run out of money in his lifetime (his kids might but he certainly won't). I feel when i met him in his earlier years he had more drive to do things but after his parents got more money he just stopped, thinking anything can be bought with money.
> 
> I do feel like I should step back and think carefully about staying with him. I don't want to have children and regret.
> ...


Take some time to really think about this. Is he capable of taking care of a family? If one of his biggest positives is that he take the rubbish out sometimes then is is going to be able to run a household after you have kids and go back to work? Does he ever do any volunteer work? It is rewarding and is something that people that do not need pay should get involved in for the good of others and for their own benefit.

Then there is the issue of respect. Can you respect a man with no work ethic? Whether that work is paid, outside of the home or unpaid inside the home is not so relevant. But is he able, has he shown you that he has a work ethic of some description?

And coming from a family with money I understand how it can easily be a negative as an child becomes an adult if they have been raised with an entitlement mentality. Luckily my siblings and I were raised to be good, hard working, respectful and involved people. All of us work very hard and have good morals.
I don't have to work for pay but choose to as a good example to my kids. Kids need good role models, will you husband be a good role model for any future children or will he raise the next generation to also be lazy and entitled?


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

Theseus said:


> I am curious, if you both move there, what is his plan for supporting you both? You would have to give up your job, and if you are unfamiliar with the language in his country then it's unlikely you will find another one there. Will his parents support you? What is his answer to that?


His family will support us 100% as they do now. His mom has personally told me this will not change in the future. 

I am resistant about going with him for a reason. in 2011, I quit my job and went to pastry school. I then got a job working at a nice upscale bakery. I thought this would benefit if ever I need to leave Canada, this is a good skill to open a small shop and have something to do. However, my husband and his family thought it wasn't a good idea and told me to go back to my day job and we are staying in Canada in the long run. I never ended up taking the baking job. Now that my husband has switched gears again about leaving the country, i dont have adequate experience to open a shop and this got me quite angry. :scratchhead:


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> I'm curious as to what this means?


His work required physical labour and he hurt his back. Seeing the job was not to pay bills and he was in pain, we decided it was best for him to quit. 




heartsbeating said:


> Ambition and being 'engaged' with life can take many forms outside of a paying job - and I think observing his actions can help determine the answer to your question here. What are your thoughts?
> 
> What does he feel will happen if he moves back to his home-country and how long has he lived away for? Is there any chance he's in a bit of a funk?


I agree with you heartsbeating. I have suggested that he can do things that doesn't pay money. However, his mind is only set on making money and that to him is success. 

He's lived away for more than 10 years. He's unhappy that he hasn't made money all his life and his friends in his home country seem to have. He feels it will be much easier especially with parents and friends to help him succeed. 

He also admitted today that that is the main reason why we haven't had much physical intimacy is because he's very upset he hasn't "succeeded" at all in life.

I feel really hesitant about moving away. I would need to give up what i've built all these years for uncertainty. he doesn't know what he's going to do and have no experience. He's never lifted a finger and now he suddenly wants to make a lot of money. It's going to be difficult.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

Holland said:


> Then there is the issue of respect. Can you respect a man with no work ethic? Whether that work is paid, outside of the home or unpaid inside the home is not so relevant. But is he able, has he shown you that he has a work ethic of some description?


He has not shown me good work ethic for a long time. My description of work ethic is simple, just pure hardworking activity, paid or unpaid. He was hard working when he worked part time. But after that, he doesn't do much with his spare time. He plays some sports but that's all. Lately I mostly see him playing video games. 
I can respect a man who does not work a paying job but can genuinely enjoy himself and perhaps is hardworking at other things. 



Holland said:


> I don't have to work for pay but choose to as a good example to my kids. Kids need good role models, will you husband be a good role model for any future children or will he raise the next generation to also be lazy and entitled?


Good for you, that's respectable! Definitely if the kids were in his hands, they will be lazy and entitled. I don't want to see this happen. 

Thank you for all your replies!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

All the best to you newlywed_wife, this is an important time in your life and it is good to really look at the whole picture to see if it will be a good partnership moving forward.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

newlywed_wife said:


> I have suggested that he can do things that doesn't pay money. However, his mind is only set on making money and that to him is success.


For the past year while he's been home, how has he spent his time?

Maybe having the networks and connections in his home-country will help him on his way. My experience is that sometimes location and environment can influence us... but generally speaking, if someone's a go-getter in one place - then they'll be a go-getter in another. I think that's where personality traits come into the equation. Sure, people can change but what happens if he goes back and finds out it's not the location, it's him? And what is his motivation to 'succeed'? Is it status anxiety with comparing where he's at to his peers? Maybe that can kick start someone, I wouldn't know. If he's fully funded though, is that enough of an incentive for him? He wants change. The proof will be in his actions from here. 

You wrote that you don't agree with such behavior - but then you microwave his breakfast for him because he's 'unable' to do it himself. Why have you felt the need to mother him, particularly when you don't respect it? It's not just time for him to make a change, it's time for you also. 

I think you're more than justified of being wary to move with him and especially with the unresolved issues between you. At the very least, if you do, then create a realistic plan together. It's unromantic but treat it like forming a business plan - just as you would have had to have done if you'd looked to opening a bakery, or him in business. Including time-lines with milestones.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

newlywed_wife, substance is important. He's not a man of substance IMO. He's a lot of words and feelings but not substance.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> For the past year while he's been home, how has he spent his time?


I'll be honest, playing sports and video games.



heartsbeating said:


> And what is his motivation to 'succeed'? Is it status anxiety with comparing where he's at to his peers?


Yes. Peers and age. He's in his early thirties and feel like he hasn't had a real career. Which he in fact has none. 



heartsbeating said:


> You wrote that you don't agree with such behavior - but then you microwave his breakfast for him because he's 'unable' to do it himself. Why have you felt the need to mother him, particularly when you don't respect it? It's not just time for him to make a change, it's time for you also.


Thank you, i needed that. I have a bad habit of pleasing people and in turn easily taken advantage of. You're right. This needs to change. 



heartsbeating said:


> I think you're more than justified of being wary to move with him and especially with the unresolved issues between you. At the very least, if you do, then create a realistic plan together. It's unromantic but treat it like forming a business plan - just as you would have had to have done if you'd looked to opening a bakery, or him in business. Including time-lines with milestones.


You're giving me many great ideas and its reassuring. He very rarely does anything in written form and this will provide assurance that he is going to pick up his slack. I remember when I asked him realistically "what's in it for me if we move" and he couldn't answer. 



Thundarr said:


> newlywed_wife, substance is important. He's not a man of substance IMO. He's a lot of words and feelings but not substance.


Hate to admit but I agree with you. He's all talk but no action. :sleeping:

Really grateful for all these replies and great suggestions!!:smthumbup:


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

What I am reading here is that you come from different socioeconomic backgrounds.

What is odd is that most children from privileged backgrounds are involved in _generational_ charity work and foundations even if they don't "work" in the traditional sense.

Is he from "new" money perhaps?

He may be suffering from what is politely referred to as "the gentleman's 'C'".....meaning a person who has no ambition because they can never accomplish more than their father....

either way, you have quite a dilemma...

what are you going to do?


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> Is he from "new" money perhaps?
> 
> what are you going to do?


He is from new money. His mindset became much more "Money +Succeed+buy more things" after acquiring such assets making him less desirable in my opinion. All this talk about money/buying things yet he doesn't make a dime. 

I'm going to think about it overnight and see what to say tomorrow:
1. try to think how going overseas will benefit the both of us and work out a plan
2. Stay put and work out something to keep him motivated and busy

If both items fail to work, then i'll just admit he isn't for me and see what to do from there. The last thing I want is a divorce


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

newlywed_wife said:


> I'm going to think about it overnight and see what to say tomorrow:
> 1. try to think how going overseas will benefit the both of us and work out a plan
> 2. Stay put and work out something to keep him motivated and busy


Both your options are still mothering him.

Making a plan together for overseas. It's the together part that's important if you're going to attempt this. Visible accountability. This is why I likened it to a business plan. With a business plan, it's strategic, needs ownership, and to be based in reality.

He needs to take action for himself. In my opinion, you need to give him the chance to do that by stepping back. 

For your relationship, you'll both need to work on it though. You'll both need to work on yourselves - as well as the marriage - if anything is going to change.

Best wishes to you!


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

OP do you have to go with him right away? Could you stay behind a few months and see how it goes for him in his home country?

I agree with hearts, if you do go you need a solid plan in place for what you will do if he ends up basically doing the same thing overseas he does currently (living off others while he plays).


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Failure to launch can be a problem with children of successful parents. They have a difficult time starting at the bottom and working their way up the ladder. They grew up with a false reality in some respect.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

pink_lady said:


> OP do you have to go with him right away? Could you stay behind a few months and see how it goes for him in his home country?
> 
> I agree with hearts, if you do go you need a solid plan in place for what you will do if he ends up basically doing the same thing overseas he does currently (living off others while he plays).


I asked him to go alone first and see what happens. He told me his mom objects to this completely and we should be together (whether it be canada or overseas).

She plays a big part in a lot of the problems I've talked about. She is a beautiful, kind and respectable person but she's babied her son to the point of no return and continues to do so. He WILL listen to her through respect and she is our source of income. 



MrAvg said:


> It sounds as if he still had a enabling family sending money. That is your problem, his family. If they keep sending money he has no reason to have any ambitions. In fact it de-incentives any desire to work. He is a bum. I have a bad neck and back and I work everyday.
> 
> He sounds like a nice guy in some ways. But face it he is spoiled. It was mentioned earlier most people with money work with charities or non-profits to keep busy and contribute to others and themselves.
> 
> Unless this guys does a 180 and gets some responsibility you will have problem with more than just your sex life. What you have is a classic case. When you take away responsibility, you end up with irresponsible people.


I absolutely agree. With all this money in his hands he has no incentive to start from the bottom. I did suggest (and his mom did as well) to him charity work or going to school and he may start with that. However, I feel after a short period of time he wiill be back to "i've made no money in life" syndrome.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

Update:

I tried talking to him this morning about making a strategy so we can both be happy if we move overseas so he can try and find success there. He stated he doesn't want to go because I was quite unhappy there last time. 

This is the truth. I don't feel comfortable there and there's a language barrier. I asked him to discuss with me together and make a plan about all the obstacles we will face/solutions/what we will do if things fail. If things make sense, I will go for the sake of fixing our relationship and his self esteem. 

He states he will think about it and get back to me. (We will see)

He said he would want to go to school here if we stay. I'm scared. What happens after school is over? He will likely be the same and the problem will not resolve. When I ask him what subjects and what he plans to do with the schooling he has no idea. 

What boils my blood is that he doesn't think these are "REAL" problems. He thinks that i'm just throwing out petty issues. Why? Because he thinks money can resolve these issues and I'm making a big deal about them instead of just living quietly under his mom (guess like how he is now). Yes we can sit on a pile of money and do nothing with ourselves. But it seems like he's doing that right now and isn't happy either. 

Thank you for all of your replies. I've stated in the sex in marriage forum about our lack of physical intimacy and it was clear we should NOT try and conceive a baby at this time. There's too many problems. 

My husband will not see a counselor and I will find one this week and go alone. It is clear there's only so much 1 side of the relationship can do.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP there is a saying in the Montessori philosophy of schooling:
"Show me the child at 7 and I will show you the adult". 

Our core values and personality are set in childhood. Adults should be better versions of the child they were, have filled out to be a mature version that reflects their childhood upbringing.

Sadly it sounds like you husband is a man/child, this is not likely to change.

Everyone deserves a chance though, maybe put a set time frame in place and see if he does mature and grow. Be firm, if things don't change then you have to make the big decision. 
Like HB has said though, don't mother him that is not a wife's role in life.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Holland, have you seen the documentary series "7 Up" based on that philosophy?

I digress for a moment. Newlywed - kudos for having the conversation. It's a start. Please don't let these concerns be minimised by him. They are completely valid. A plan with milestones keeps it real and in perspective. If he was willing to go that route, it's a way for you to see the actions/changes in a measurable way and it's a way for him to have a focus. It's just a suggestion. 

My personality is more 'I'll just wing it' but hubs and I have created a time-line plan for what we want to achieve (even just on a yearly basis). It's a way to stay focused and prioritise with larger things (such as moving). It's a great tool for being effective.

I'm curious as a cat though - why did you come away from the bakery idea when his family told you to go back to a different job? Were you wanting them to fund your potential business idea? The reason I ask is - ensure that you're following the path you need for yourself - independently of their funding if needed. The reason I write this is that you sound an aware kind of lady, full of potential, and if you can live without resentment and / or regrets, then do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Holland said:


> OP there is a saying in the Montessori philosophy of schooling:
> "Show me the child at 7 and I will show you the adult".


I've never actually read that but I've thought it. (I always said ten though). I suspect it's accurate by accident. What ever influence kids are around from 0-7 normally don't change therefore the patterns don't change. I don't know? maybe?


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> My personality is more 'I'll just wing it' but hubs and I have created a time-line plan for what we want to achieve (even just on a yearly basis). It's a way to stay focused and prioritise with larger things (such as moving). It's a great tool for being effective.
> 
> I'm curious as a cat though - why did you come away from the bakery idea when his family told you to go back to a different job? Were you wanting them to fund your potential business idea? The reason I ask is - ensure that you're following the path you need for yourself - independently of their funding if needed. The reason I write this is that you sound an aware kind of lady, full of potential, and if you can live without resentment and / or regrets, then do so.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really like how you provide goals and create proper plans with your husband on a consistent basis. It makes a lot of sense but nobody ever thinks of it. I feel from you take an analytical approach to things (which I also do) and you have wealth of knowledge any new wife can learn from. :smthumbup:

Baking has always been my pastime and years ago I knew he wanted to live abroad. Opening a bakery would be a dream but I strongly believe it's only possible overseas. IT would also provide something for me to do if we moved (win win situation). His family agreed to fund the business. Afterwards his parents didn't believe it would be a good idea. I trust their judgement as they know much about the market there. My husband also said we best stay in Canada so I scrapped the idea entirely. 

If we were to stay in Canada, my current occupation definitely pays more and would be my preferred career choice. .


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Do you have low self esteem?
Why would a woman marry a lazy unambitions man?
That's what you have to figure out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

newlywed_wife said:


> Now that my husband has switched gears again about leaving the country, i dont have adequate experience to open a shop and this got me quite angry. :scratchhead:


Since his family is paying for you guys 100%, just quit the job and go work for another baker until you can branch out on your own.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Do you have low self esteem?
> Why would a woman marry a lazy unambitions man?
> That's what you have to figure out.


I'm sure he didn't say "hey I'm so&so and I'm lazy and unambitious". He probably was a flashy confident guy just didn't have underlying character. But yes I agree she will have think about why she didn't pick up on his shortfallings. Red flags are always there once you've know what to look for.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> I'm sure he didn't say "hey I'm so&so and I'm lazy and unambitious". He probably was a flashy confident guy just didn't have underlying character. But yes I agree she will have think about why she didn't pick up on his shortfallings. Red flags are always there once you've know what to look for.


These things are always easy to spot in hindsight. There are probably many red flags in marriages that work out well too, and there some some in marriages that could have worked out well but did not.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> I'm sure he didn't say "hey I'm so&so and I'm lazy and unambitious". He probably was a flashy confident guy just didn't have underlying character. But yes I agree she will have think about why she didn't pick up on his shortfallings. Red flags are always there once you've know what to look for.


They were dating for 6 years.


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> I'm sure he didn't say "hey I'm so&so and I'm lazy and unambitious". He probably was a flashy confident guy just didn't have underlying character. But yes I agree she will have think about why she didn't pick up on his shortfallings. Red flags are always there once you've know what to look for.





Mr The Other said:


> These things are always easy to spot in hindsight. There are probably many red flags in marriages that work out well too, and there some some in marriages that could have worked out well but did not.


Yes it was just that. He used to be confident. He didn't care about not having a career. I realized his shortcomings a year after we were in the relationship. I told him it was a big issue he didn't do anything with his life. However, as time went by I understood how he lived, how his family is like and changed my mindset. I understand having no ambitious/lazy is a RED flag for most. However as long as he is happy, finances are fine and he treats me well, i'm good with what he's doing. 

Why has it become an issue? He changed his mindset. 
He now needs "success" in order to be happy. Since he's not happy he's being lazier than ever and resulting in me "mothering" him. I now understand helping him pick up his slack is wrong and i've stopped doing it.

I feel really blessed to have so many people discuss these issues with me. I have no married friends who could provide me advice. :smthumbup:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What does he do, now that you've stopped making his breakfast and picking up his dirty socks for him? Relationship wise?


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## newlywed_wife (Feb 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> What does he do, now that you've stopped making his breakfast and picking up his dirty socks for him? Relationship wise?


Only three days has past but we had several good talks. So far he's done a lot more than I thought he would. He's cleaned our bedsheets, his own clothes, made breakfast and helping more in the kitchen. 

I think the key was to show him support. I told him straight, whatever path he chooses he should be happy about it. I don't judge a man through how much money he makes and he shouldn't judge himself if he chooses not to do anything 'extraordinary'

We are also not moving.


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