# Lying, spending addiction



## nowheretogo (Jun 20, 2013)

Hello all! I am new here but am so happy that I found this forum!

I have been married for 8 years. In that 8 years, I have found out that the marriage was based on many lies and so on and he is still doing this stuff to this day.

He has lied about what he owed before we got married, how much he has spent since we got married (he had a home GIVEN to him and now owes over 125,00 on it with nothing to show for it). I have bailed him out by taking over the bills so many times and he then resorted to taking my debit card and spending money on it and getting right back into the hole. He has not only had a spending addiction, but a porn addiction as well. Not just the normal porn, but things like animal on animal, etc. He has been caught so many times and forgiven so many times and after the forgiveness, he goes right back to it.

I have absolutely no place to go, no money to leave, my credit has taken a hit from paying a couple times late on my own accounts to keep a roof over our heads and now I am on disability and not much money to speak of. When I was working, I paid on the house to keep it from foreclosure, but since it was inherited, it will remain with him. 

I am at the end of my wits and have no idea where to go, what to do. I am literally sick to my stomach every single day and am suffering from anxiety attacks.

I love him so much but there is nothing there as far as trust. He has gotten help just long enough to appease and then quits and goes right back to it. He shows NO remorse what so ever. It is almost like a sociopath type personality. He lies so easily and never looks back or feels any emotion over what he has done. I have had papers written up and he acts as if he could care less. He refuses to answer any questions and ALWAYS states that he has no idea where the money went. 

Anyone else gone through this, going through this or any advise?

I would appreciate anything at all.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

All I could add is that sounds horrible. No way to live. It sounds like he needs a place that he can not leave or give up so easily from.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nowheretogo (Jun 20, 2013)

richie33 said:


> All I could add is that sounds horrible. No way to live. It sounds like he needs a place that he can not leave or give up so easily from.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you.

That is the thing. He holds nothing dear. There is no emotions other than when he is trying to get out of something. That is the only time. He will loose this house, there is no doubt about it. Eventually, it will be gone. He is 51 years old and has not one thing to call his own due to all he owes. 

I don't know why I feel bad for him, since this has been something that has plagued us for years, but I do.


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## silkpalace (May 17, 2013)

The reason you feel badly is because you (like I) have bailed our husbands out so long that we have become their "mommies"...so we feel as though we are abandoning our children. I, too, love my husband dearly, and have only been married 10 years, but I hit my "rock bottom". I have been separated for two months now, and I can see how pathological our relationship was.....now that I have space. I was totally codependent. My barometer for a good day was all about my husband.....not about me. If he was sober, kind, nurturing, etc. I had a good day. This is a wonderful site, you will get a lot of good advice. I totally understand why you feel terrible right now!!! I think I am entering "recovery", but it has taken a very long time. I felt so much guilt for so long.....but now I just feel sorrow for my husband.....I DO love him, but I realize that love is not enough. I was drowning...and I am just beginning to come up for air!


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## nowheretogo (Jun 20, 2013)

Silkpalace, I am SO happy that you got out and are on your own! YES, you are SO right about being the mother!!! In fact, his mother asked ME if I called and made HIM an appointment with a therapist. When I told her that I was sick of being his mother when he already has one, she didn't know what to say to that and got a bit snotty with me. Oh well! It is the truth!

I wish you such great happiness in your future!


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