# Don't know what to do.



## broken love (Nov 27, 2013)

I to am in same way and I also have just caught my husband having a emotional affair with a married woman. I can not eat or sleep. I feel like I'm in a fog. I wish I had the answers.
My husband and I have had problems for last year because of my health problems and with him dealing with them, and in the mist of this I had a Hysterectomy and it made me have no sex drive for about a year. Six months ago I started to have that drive again and really tried to talk to my husband about it and that I loved him and wanted to work on our marriage, he just ignored me and I am assuming that is when things started with this woman because he was distant and always getting angry at me and starting fights so he could leave house and at that time warning bells should have went off in my head because he has never turned away from us being intimate. We have 17 years together and been married for 6.
I put a spy on his phone and found something in texts as soon as I pulled the system up. Found out they where meeting and texting quite a bit. They were telling each other that they loved one another more on her part and that she could not wait to see him again. At this point I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach and was shaking on the inside and out. I did not expect to find what I did. At first I asked him if he new this number and he got angry when I told him I was going to cell company to get info. In the end he fessed up everything. He told me it was not physical and just someone to talk to just friends. Well had him call her in front of me to call it off then found out he called her after. apparently he had things to say he did not want me to hear which hurts me to the core. Well I am having trouble believing this because of them telling each other they loved one another. We had made love the Thursday & Saturday (BTW texted her for 3 hours Saturday before and after we made love) before this came to light then the ( He fessed up Tuesday) Wednesday following me finding out after agreeing that we would save our marriage. And he has had no contact with her since That day everything came out in open, Even though I feel he met with her while I was at work following that Tuesday on Saturday and denies being at location gps tracker gave me told him I was there. Now he is having a problem making love to me he says he needs time and his head is not in right place. Well this just hurts me to the core. I told him I needed that for reassurance. My ego is smashed and I need to know that he still wants me in that way not to mention that I am questioning my attractiveness to him. I have plenty of men tell me all the time how beautiful and sexy I am but in the end I need to know my husband thinks that to. He says he loves me with all his heart and does not want to lose me and that he is sorry from bottom of his heart. Tell me what am I to think and should I tell other woman's husband?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It really amazes me the amount of people who, although their spouse cannot have sex with them due to very genuine health concerns, haven't heard of self-pleasuring. 

You should consider blowing their affair up. Her husband, any kids they have? They have a right to know. Good luck. We'll be here for you.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

You are at the beginning of finding out.

You probably do not know it all so you have to prepare yourself.

He has to write a NC letter to her, let you read it and approve of it and you send it.

You need to notify her husband as to what has been going on. Bringing the Affair into Light makes it people really start to understand what is going on and gives clarity to the BSs of what they have really done.

Do you want to "R" with your husband?

Be prepared he may be trickle trothing you and it may have been a PA. How do you feel with that and how will you be able to deal with it?

If you feel he is not being honest ask him if he will take a polygraph for you. His reaction may tell you a lot.

Just remember he vowed to love and honor you in Sickness and in Health. Having a Hysterectomy does affect you emotionally and physically. His lack of integrity in this matter really shows a lack of character on his part and you may not know everything.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

rrrbbbttt said:


> You are at the beginning of finding out.
> 
> You probably do not know it all so you have to prepare yourself.
> 
> ...


Yes, Broken, you are just starting out here. You have no reason to believe anything your H says yet--you cannot trust him just because you want to (as I know from experience). You seem to have some facility with evidence gathering--keep it up and take advantage of advice you are sure to get here. Also, take whatever concrete evidence you have and tell the OW's husband immediately.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

This is not an EA in my opinion. They met, right? I would say this is a PA and his reaction says it all.

Tell her husband his wife and husband are having an affair. Don't go into much detail. Don't tell your husband you are exposing this.

I will say this again, I firmly believe this is a PA. They had sex.


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## broken love (Nov 27, 2013)

Thank you guys for input. And yes I believe they had a physical relationship and can not get past him not being honest with me because he tried to lie his way out of it until confronted with evidence. And I am going to husband with all my evidence, texts and all. No woman or man tells each other they love them unless sex is involved. I know my husband well and know he would not say this lightly. I have found no new evidence of their contact and it seems he is keeping his promise but I do not trust him or the other woman. The other woman's husband is a state trooper and I am sure he has resources I don't I want to be sure it is over and that I get a confession of the physical contact, just do not know how to go about that to get it. Any suggestions on how to get that out of a man? My husband is a selfish man and I have known this for years but this is something he promised never to do to me and he broke it. Him having to call her after I left that fateful day screams it was more than just someone to talk to as he says. It is just so raw right now. And I am happy I found this form to let it out.


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