# What do you do when your husband is gone for a while?



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Like on a business trip? My husband left today and will be gone for the next 10 days. He took the vehicle which I can't drive anyways if he left it because it's a stick shift so I'm pretty much confined to our 1 bed room apartment. I don't work other than babysitting a few hours out of the week, and that friend is willing to provide transportation...but that's not the point.

To those of you who are sometimes left alone and don't have kids, do you start to think too much? End up doing things when you're alone that you don't when hubby is around? We've only been married since July and I've been with him every single day since I moved in with him in June so I'm starting to feel lonely and thinking about him like a pathetic lost puppy (slight exaggeration but you get the point) 

He said it was a good chance for me to be away from him for a change and vice versa. Which I understand but it would make me feel better if it was for 2 or 3 or 5 days...not 10! 

Yeah, I'm also bored. New town, no vehicle, don't know anybody. I have a feeling Netflix will be my best friend.


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> Like on a business trip? My husband left today and will be gone for the next 10 days. He took the vehicle which I can't drive anyways if he left it because it's a stick shift so I'm pretty much confined to our 1 bed room apartment. I don't work other than babysitting a few hours out of the week, and that friend is willing to provide transportation...but that's not the point.
> 
> To those of you who are sometimes left alone and don't have kids, do you start to think too much? End up doing things when you're alone that you don't when hubby is around? We've only been married since July and I've been with him every single day since I moved in with him in June so I'm starting to feel lonely and thinking about him like a pathetic lost puppy (slight exaggeration but you get the point)
> 
> ...



I know your marriage is new, and you are in a new location, but now you have the opportunity to explore your new surroundings, find new little restuarants, go find places and when your hubby returns, then you can take him on a little tour of all the new stuff you've discovered. Be courageous, be adventurous! Your hubby will be happy to hear that you've been busy and confident. 

My H would be away for months on business... on those times, I had 2 - 3 kids, so my life was full... 

and not to come off too blunt or harsh... but when I hear anyone say they are bored... especially an adult... that's just an excuse.. either out of fear or laziness.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Is the idea of an adult being bored that foreign to you? I wish I could go out but like I posted earlier...no vehicle. I'm stuck. The only places within walking distance is a gas station and a dominoes, a church, and a child care facility. I'm not going to church!


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## kms19 (Sep 10, 2011)

Well, I somewhat understand what you are going through. My husband has been overseas for a little over a year now and, at times, it's been the hardest and most trying year of my life. Other times, the time I have for myself is something I wouldn't give up for the world. Some days, I do drive myself nuts with the things I do and the thoughts I have that I wouldn't if he was around. All I can say is that it gets better. The more you keep yourself busy and keep your mind off the fact that he's absent, the easier and faster the time apart will be. Before you know it, he will be back home. Take advantage of the time apart to do something for yourself, something you enjoyed doing before you got married. In the end, you will probably thank yourself and appreciate the little things a lot more.


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## jenis (Feb 9, 2011)

That happened to me early in my marriage when my new H was gone for two weeks for work training/seminar. I wasn't quite as isolated (there was a mall within walking distance), but it was pre-internet. I remember being very bored trying to fill my days in the small apartment we had then.

I also remember being on the phone a lot! I don't think I've ever called my mom as often (probably 2~3x a day) or had as long of conversations as I had then.

If you possibly can, do you have a good friend or relative that you could invite over or possibly go visit?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You can get out.
On foot, on bike, or have your friend drop you off somewhere and commit to being there for a set amount of time. Learn the bus schedule or invest in a short taxi ride if friend can't pick up you. Really, you should think about getting good walking shoes or a bicycle...but I have walked miles in flip flops. 
Even if you just go outside, you can find something to do. Heck, sometimes when bored I go outside and pick up trash. You'd think picking up trash would be boring but it gets you thinking about people's lives and what led to that particular piece of debris being tossed on the roadside. If you volunteer for an organization there are often rides available.
My H was away for a year, I had no problem finding ways to keep myself organized. However, your experience is not unfamiliar to newlyweds, particularly women. A friend of mine from long ago had a book, called "Now that I'm married, why aren't I happy" or something to that effect. Think of boredom as a growth opportunity. So long as you are going to be bored, why not do exactly what you want to do, just for an hour, follow your impulses, but go OUTSIDE the house and just start walking. Did you never just pack a backpack or purse with a sandwich and some water and go out exploring as a kid or teen? On foot or bicycle? If you didn't now that you are an adult, give yourself permission to do this. I have taken my kids when they were ages 11 and 1, on a 200 km bike trip camping and canoeing and staying at B&B's. Today we are just walking downtown. But we will pack a backpack because there will be 'stuff' and we may not be back in time for lunch. I have errands to do, but we are WILLING to be sidetracked and have a very loose agenda and that is the point. 

Tonight we will have a campfire and bring a telescope and astronomy book outside. Have you thought about going outside during the middle of the night to see if the different landscape would be more appealing to you? What about tree climbing or going out on a (more or less) safe roof or just getting lost in a book or going to a different location and calling a friend to talk about whatever, just to listen. 

Being bored is an art, not something that should be avoided. I think a lot of adults are embarassed and ashamed to be seen alone in public places, doing pretty much nothing. I don't really have a problem with that.


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> Is the idea of an adult being bored that foreign to you? I wish I could go out but like I posted earlier...no vehicle. I'm stuck. The only places within walking distance is a gas station and a dominoes, a church, and a child care facility. I'm not going to church!


Wholy smokes!!! Absolutely... I haven't been bored a day in my life! When growing up.. if I even uttered the words, "I'm bored" I would get this result from my parents... "I'll find you something to do!!" Trust me growing up on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, nearest neighbour is about a mile away ... THAT IS BEING ISOLATED!!! I am so incredibly busy with life that just getting the chance to stare at the ceiling blankly for 5 minutes is a luxury! And even if I did stare at that popcorn ceiling... I would be looking and finding some sort of pattern or image there. 

There is no excuse not for you to get out... walk, cycle, public transportation... 

or you will sit in your one bedroom apartment, pout, moon over not having hubby, and get all moody... you've got a treasure trove all around you... explore! It will be fun and rewarding... be positive in heart and mind!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

People who are not introverted tend to lash out at those who are about their social isolation.

Cut the lady some slack. If she has a hard time making social connections or finding a way to get around without a vehicle so she's bored. Valid feeling!!

First thing I'd do is work on find public transportation options. 

Second thing is do is learn how to drive that manual shift car.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

michzz said:


> People who are not introverted tend to lash out at those who are about their social isolation.
> 
> Cut the lady some slack. If she has a hard time making social connections or finding a way to get around without a vehicle do she's bored. Valid feeling!!
> 
> ...


I'm sorry if I came off so sharply. My deepest apoligies...

My efforts were biased.

Just as words of encouragement to those that may be socially introverted... have faith in yourself, be courageous, you do not need to talk or interact with anyone... but go and discover your surroundings. Find joy and pleasure in the little things in your neighbourhood... a grand ole tree, a quiet little patch of earth, it is truly a beautiful world around you...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I LOVE being around my H 24/7 but I can also appreciate my time alone. To relate similarly with your situation, we'd moved to a different country and he was away for about 2 weeks. I didn't have a car and walked everywhere. I lined up some nice things for myself to do including certain movies I wanted to watch, chatted with my mom back home, and discovered new things in the area that I wanted to show him when he returned. I arranged a tourist outing with the new friends I'd made. They were good sports to embrace being tourists in their own city for the night and we all had a laugh. I agree with getting out and walking and finding things you'll enjoy for yourself.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I'm back! With working internet now. Thank you all for the suggestions and encouragement. Luckily the last 3 days I spent it babysitting so I've been a little occupied and now this friend and I (not sure I really consider her a friend..our husbands are friends and hers is deployed so we look after her and help out) have decided we are gonna work out everyday when she comes home, even on days she doesn't need me so even when he comes back it's something to do and a good stress reliever.

I don't live exactly in a neighborhood. There's busy streets around so I'm a little uncomfortable walking out and about. Trust me, I would otherwise, not making excuses. When I lived with my parents I took walks and bike rides all the time by myself since we were in a large, safe subdivision. There is no public transportation in this small town. I suppose I could try and walk anyways. Like mentioned above, taking the trash out and just venturing around our apartment complex which is just six buildings but something. 

I was waiting for my buddy to pick me up today to bring me to her house to watch her boy and I just got tired of waiting inside so I sat in front. The older lady downstairs and saw me. She knows hubby is gone and said she understands and told me to feel free to talk to her she's always home and willing to listen if I needed somebody to talk to. Husband likes her so I will visit her. I'm glad she reached out to me that way. 

But yes, I have been catching up on things I used to do more of before I married. I started reading again which I haven't really done a lot of in a couple years. The apartment is spotless thanks to nonstop cleaning which I feel good about. I suppose there is always something to do. I haven't been using Netflix and much as I thought I would


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Thanks for coming back with your update. It's good to know that advice helped. Too many posters never give any feedback.

Glad to know that things are looking up!


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> I suppose there is always something to do. I haven't been using Netflix and much as I thought I would


So good to hear your update! Thanks for sharing! Like you mentioned... and figured out...

There is always something to do.!!!

best wishes!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Thanks for coming back with your update. It's good to know that advice helped. Too many posters never give any feedback.
> 
> Glad to know that things are looking up!


Co-sign and yay, good for you!!


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Thanks, ladies!


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## Currant (Mar 18, 2011)

I usually clean, work out at the gym, or start snooping (bad habit, I know).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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