# Anyone struggle with child's video game addiction?



## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

Enormous ongoing difficulty in my family is my son's video game addiction.

Any advice is welcome!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Parenting is a verb. It's up to you to take it away from him or lock it down and only allow an hour a day or whatever. I think this is a common problem and that a lot of parents just give into it rather than the inconvenience of dealing with it and listening to them.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

How old is your son?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

The Mighty Fred said:


> Enormous ongoing difficulty in my family is my son's video game addiction.
> 
> Any advice is welcome!


You're the parent. If your child is a minor you simply remove the gaming equipment. If the child is an adult you tell them they need to get their life sorted by X date or move out by that date.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Are you struggling with addiction or are you struggling with telling him no?


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

He's 17. Ive been trying to get him himself to unplug since I've thought that's the best way an addict deals with troubles. But I'm thinking yeah pull the plug myself and take the ensuing consequences.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

His grades are D's. He's about to be kicked out of school we found a male counselor but the guy seems like a wishy washy Buddhist. Not helping direcT action to change behavior.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Can you hold onto the controller until he does his homework then he can have it?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

The Mighty Fred said:


> He's 17. Ive been trying to get him himself to unplug since I've thought that's the best way an addict deals with troubles. But I'm thinking yeah pull the plug myself and take the ensuing consequences.


DO you have the ability to shut down internet access. Our modem has a management app that allows us to put all our kids devices in a group assigned to them and we can pause their access from the app. No Internet no games. Our deal with out son is any grade less than a B he loses his access. We stay fairly strict with this. We can see his current grades in real time through the website the school uses, so he also loses it if he has a missed homework assignment or project. Gaming (more accurately Fortnite) is his job so it's a very big deal in our house.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

So by addiction what do you mean? That it’s affecting other areas in his life like school? Does he do his chores? Does he do what is expected out of him? Does he have other hobbies? 

Correct me if I’m wrong... he was allowed to pick up the controller whenever he wanted, even before he did his homework and do his chores? Or is this a new thing because of online learning? Has it always been like this or is this new?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I didn’t care about school and spent a lot of time skateboarding, working on my computer, and playing video games. My mom hated it and said I was wasting my time and nagged me a lot. My grades my first year in high school were not great.

My dad had a talk with me where he said he didn’t care what I did but it is stupid to limit your options in life. If you have crap grades you can’t go to a decent university, so you limited your options. Having it come from someone I respected and with his delivery made the difference for me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

A 17 year old with Ds? Good heavens! This is a critical junction of his life and it's obvious he is not gaming responsibly.

Take and lock up the gaming console and/or password his PC. Give it back only after he gets his life back in order or move out where he will realise he will actually need to work for a privileged lifestyle of gaming all day.

This is coming from a gamer, and right now it's out of hand.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

RandomDude said:


> Take and lock up the gaming console


My dad confiscated and locked up my addiction successfully.

Instead of doing my homework or cleaning the pit that was my room, I'd read. After catching me reading, confiscating the book, then catching me reading another book the same night, my dad packed up all my books and locked them in the backseat and trunk of his car until my room was cleaned. He kept the keys in his pocket when he was awake and under his pillow when he was asleep. Cuz he knew me, lol.

Of course, after a couple stubborn evenings, I finally gave in and cleaned the pit. Being separated from my personal library was painful.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Unfortunately if he's 17yo, the time to instill a forced balanced approach to him without a major ruckus, is long past.

Create a rule, enforce it, and know ahead of time it will be a major problem but you need to persevere.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

****. We are wanting the motivation to come from within. I don't want to have to play jailer. He won't have a supervisor all his life


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The Mighty Fred said:


> ****. We are wanting the motivation to come from within. I don't want to have to play jailer. He won't have a supervisor all his life


It's too late for that. He won't have a supervisor all his life no, but what he has right now is an enabler. And you are teaching him to leech off enablers in the future too.

That's right, you are not even his supervisor right now, a supervisor will ensure there will be consequences and disciplinary action if he does not conduct himself appropriately.
Your son is not suffering any consequences, and he knows you aren't going to do anything so what is stopping him from gaming all day?
He isn't following your rules and he isn't paying rent and he doesn't have to work or study because you have allowed him to live like this.

Sorry to be harsh but you shouldn't have let it come to this point, not to mention this is a critical stage of his life, discipline him now or you will both regret it for the rest of your lives. Don't expect him to understand self-discipline if you don't teach him what discipline even is in the first place.

Again, I am also a gamer, and I'm all for the hobby which I think is great but like anything it needs to be enjoyed moderately.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You had one job! That was to actively create an environment where he could live, flourish, and take his place in society. Besides a roof over his head and food in his belly, that included actively setting boundaries and parameters that guarded him against mistakes and missteps of immature decisions. Waiting for the motivation to come from within will never happen without boundaries and parameters. Parenting is an active verb and he will always have a supervisor, in your home, at school, on the playing field, and at work. Who do you know that doesn't have a supervisor... even the self-employed have to work within a system that dictates their behaviors, and where your son sits now it's not likely he'll be a self-motivator.

Children and adults like boundaries and parameters at home, at school, and at work, so there is no ambiguity about the outcome of their behaviors. You have allowed the game to set his behavior-reward system.

At 17 you have an uphill struggle in front of you. If you chose to improve his behavior while under your roof this may be of help to you... "Boundaries with Teens"

Good luck

Edit... Not looking to knock you down, I'm sure you've done as you see best. I'm pointing out something you missed. Read the book!


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

This is the exact battle I am in right now with my teenager. His whole life is online right now, he does so much gaming when he's supposed to be doing schoolwork. He simply doesn't care about school or his marks. I can't easily take away the gaming because he's a PC gamer, so it's not as simple as locking up the controller till homework is done. He needs the computer for his schoolwork, his research, submitting his projects, etc, so I can't just turn off the wifi. Even when I do, he just flips to offline games. But I have no idea how to make sure he's not on a game or YouTube instead of schoolwork except to hover over him. He's mastered the "jump to another window" thing when he hears me coming, but I can see what he's got minimized, and see that there's no progress on the schoolwork window. It's so frustrating! I wish I had suggestions for you, but I'm just here lurking to soak up the ones others give you.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> This is the exact battle I am in right now with my teenager. His whole life is online right now, he does so much gaming when he's supposed to be doing schoolwork. He simply doesn't care about school or his marks. I can't easily take away the gaming because he's a PC gamer, so it's not as simple as locking up the controller till homework is done. He needs the computer for his schoolwork, his research, submitting his projects, etc, so I can't just turn off the wifi. Even when I do, he just flips to offline games. But I have no idea how to make sure he's not on a game or YouTube instead of schoolwork except to hover over him. He's mastered the "jump to another window" thing when he hears me coming, but I can see what he's got minimized, and see that there's no progress on the schoolwork window. It's so frustrating! I wish I had suggestions for you, but I'm just here lurking to soak up the ones others give you.


Actually with windows controls setup properly you can block all kinds of stuff remotely or at the very least see what he has been doing so he will know you’ll know if he’s gaming when he’s supposed to be doing school work.
My son is a pro gamer. He plays fortnite and makes more than the average adult doing it but we block gaming if school grades slip. You just have to be very clear with the rules and follow through. Tonight we blocked gaming because he missed an assignment yesterday. It was a big deal because his team was recently invited into private high tier scrims with a lot of the top pros. But he needs to know there will he follow through no matter what.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Before online gaming, there were many extracurricular activities. Participation in those activities were and still are contingent on grades. The difference now is that only the parents set the participation standards for the computer in the bedroom. The parent can not abdicate that control to the student and the game, because the student is not prepared to see the consequence and the game is purposely enticing.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

anchorwatch said:


> Before online gaming, there were many extracurricular activities. Participation in those activities were and still are contingent on grades. The difference now is that only the parents set the participation standards for the computer in the bedroom. The parent can not abdicate that control to the student and the game, because the student is not prepared to see the consequence and the game is purposely enticing.


This is an excellent point and I'd like like hell for it to be shared widely among the public!

good stuff


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

We pulled the plug, as much as we could, yesterday morning, Uninstalled about $600 worth of computer games. Going clean for 90 days.

It sucks having to be the ****head here.

But I made a very, very harmful mistake in parenting. At 17, he's completing a straight-D semester----because I foolishly, naively, believed "change from within." This hardly works for adults, let alone children, let's be honest and old 1960s love-child pieties aside.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

The Mighty Fred said:


> We pulled the plug, as much as we could, yesterday morning, Uninstalled about $600 worth of computer games. Going clean for 90 days.
> 
> It sucks having to be the ****head here.
> 
> But I made a very, very harmful mistake in parenting. At 17, he's completing a straight-D semester----because I foolishly, naively, believed "change from within." This hardly works for adults, let alone children, let's be honest and old 1960s love-child pieties aside.


Smart, once he gets back on track and earns access back I recommend multi criteria approach to access. 1 side is based on grades so he understands grades are important but also an assignment based one so he is staying on top of his work. So for our son he currently has straight A's but regardless of that if he misses a homework assignment he loses access until it is turned in and he gets the credit. So if he has a missing assignment he loses access until the teacher updates his status and gives him the credit for it being complete. SO if he misses an assignment on Monday and turns it in on Tuesday and the teacher takes until Friday to update his powerschool profile to show it as complete he loses access all week. It's an objective way to do it and he is also much more on top of things because he can control turning it in on time but he can't control when the teachers updates his missing assignment to complete.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

wow, you're fortunate on the grades. My son is in an elite boarding school and had to take the SAT to get in. . .and tests show he should do much better. He may get kicked out, and he's depressed. 

BUT man, I'm salivating over your kid's straight As.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The Mighty Fred said:


> We pulled the plug, as much as we could, yesterday morning, Uninstalled about $600 worth of computer games. Going clean for 90 days.
> It sucks having to be the ****head here.
> 
> But I made a very, very harmful mistake in parenting. At 17, he's completing a straight-D semester----because I foolishly, naively, believed "change from within." This hardly works for adults, let alone children, let's be honest and old 1960s love-child pieties aside.


Well done, hope you put administrative controls on the PC as well (you should be able to restrict what can and can't be installed), teens can be clever. You did what you had to do. @happyhusband0005 has a great suggestion as to how he should re-earn his privileges.

I would also suggest non-gaming enticements such as a car - for example - to motivate him to achieve because if your school system is similar to how it is where I live, if he fks up now he would be closing alot of doors to his own future.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

J O B
He needs one.


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## baudoman (Jan 7, 2021)

Hey OP, I think every parent with children over 6 are facing that challenge.. which has gradually increased with the addition of each technology iteration (TV, computers, video game consoles, etc..).

I think the root issue here is the fact that there is really not much else to do! It's either one screen or the other, take your pick! Especially for those who live in colder climates.. it's really tough actually getting anyone, adults included, to actually pick themselves up and do something outside. 

One suggestion would be to get your teen into exercise/fitness.. maybe dangle the carrot of him being more attractive and attracting some special friends? Those 30 minutes of them being on the treadmill are 30 less minutes on screens! I think we actually need more outdoor activities, as a society on the whole.. everything is just way too indoor focused, before, and especially now.

All the best!


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## cereswym (1 mo ago)

we also faced such a problem with my brother - it was simply impossible to tear him away from his phone or computer. the most important thing in such matters, as I think, is to occupy the child with something else, play board games, paint coloring books, play hide-and-seek etc. I think it is also important, to set an example to the child - that is, not to sit on the phone, but to read or do something useful.
good luck with your problem!


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

cereswym said:


> we also faced such a problem with my brother - it was simply impossible to tear him away from his phone or computer. the most important thing in such matters, as I think, is to occupy the child with something else, play board games, paint coloring books, play hide-and-seek etc. I think it is also important, to set an example to the child - that is, not to sit on the phone, but to read or do something useful.
> good luck with your problem!


Video games do make use of the psychological desire to accomplish things and maximize the sense of reward of a game goal. The industry has used the same kind of research that cigarette companies used to maximize the addiction to nicotine and the food companies did to maximize addiction to junk food.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I have to chuckle a little when I see parents that believe it is the school counselor’s job to be a parent.


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

I limited the time my kids could watch TV, or play video games. Usually based on their behavior, and grades. They could earn extra time by doing jobs, outside of normal chores, around the house.

If I caught them trying to sneak game time, I took the power cord and controllers. If it was online, I locked their internet connection. 

They abused it once. They learned that I was not kidding.


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