# Thinking of asking to separate...right or wrong choice - please give advice!



## sienna (Dec 8, 2009)

So hopefully some of you have been following my story but in case you havent here is a very brief recap...
About 6 weeks ago my husband told me he isnt happy and that he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. He said that he still loved me and would be happy to try marriage counselling. We have been seeing a counsellor once a week for the last 6 weeks, and making some small progress but nothing is changing. He keeps saying that "if we decide we are going to make this work then I will do what it takes" but not making any effort to reach a decision and if anything doing everything he can to ignore the situation. 
He is making no effort to show me that he cares about this marriage. Instead he is going to his best friends house every night and getting stoned and not actually thinking about how serious this issue is. Throughout our marriage he has always shown me he loves me, but has never really grown up and taken responsibility for anything. 
He wont talk to me about this without being in the counselling sessions and as of a few days ago he actually started being rude to me. 
I am only 27 years old and I cant be in a marriage where I am prepared to make this work and he isnt. 
I moved out of our apartment about 6 days ago and tonight I will see him at the counsellor and I think I am going to tell him that I want to separate and start moving forward with my life. 
If I sit around and wait for him to make a move I could be waiting all my life. 
I dont want to be in an unhappy marriage....if he was showing me that he is prepared to talk about this and start making a go of things then I would not be in this position. But what he is doing is a perfect example of what he has done throughout our entire relationship and I am not going to hold this marriage up alone anymore. 
thoughts please...???


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## letmego (Jan 7, 2010)

I think he is just not mature enough to stay stable in a marriage.My opinion is you don't need to rush move out.see what your husband is going to do.how long has he been like this?


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## whyminvrsatsfd (Nov 28, 2009)

sienna....I think you are doing the right thing. You expressed trying and doing counselling and how his behavior has worsened. He thinks his behavior has no consequences with you. I would do the same thing you are doing. Through all this keep going to counselling and being lifted by family and friends!!


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## sienna (Dec 8, 2009)

I think thats the problem - he definitely doesnt feel that there are going to be any consequences to his actions. He doesnt think that I am strong enough to leave him, and I am! 
Im just not sure how to approach it tonight...do I tell him that I dont think I want this anymore and see what he says? 
Or do you think that maybe he is acting in this way because he wants me to end because he isnt strong enough to do it himself?


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