# I just found my boyfirend in a gay site.



## katieporter (Oct 18, 2012)

Hi, before I start I appreciate all the advice I really need it. 
My boyfriend and I have been on and off over the years there were moments when he dated other people seriously and I did too, but always reconnect at some points. And lately have bee kind of steady.

As a result of all the on and off my trust in him has gotten weak. and some things he says and does have make me wonder if he is talking to somebody else or cheating. One day he left me alone in his house while he got food for us. I had to do homework so, I asked him if i could just send a couple of emails to my classmates just to keep my self on track with the projects i had to do. He said yes go ahead and left.

At this pint I am doing what I was going to do but, the curiosity sparked in me and I checked his internet history. Bam! I found him in a gay dating site and also found a page where you can watch gay porn. I went trough other stuff but finding that was like a pail of cold water was dumped over my head. He was definitely active in there.

As he came home i tried not to act differently but I felt awkward, lost, angry, disappointed a mixture of feelings that I just can describe. So I stayed there that night and the next morning left. Since then we have been talking but I have been avoiding seeing him. He knows something is up but I am torn on what to do. I wanted to tell him but I was afraid he would get mad with me for revising his things and not respecting his privacy. Second I went to the site did a little re search and found him, I made a fake profile and contact him. he respond back and I dont know if I should open that can of worms or not. 
I love him very much. More than I have loved anyone ever. I know him for so long our sex is passionate and he is very caring and tender to me. He has never asked me to do anything freaky during sex and I have never had reason to believe he could be doing this on the down low. I ask myself if I really love him shouldn't I be able to respect his needs and understand them? Should I say something to him? Should I bust him in the act? Should I break up with him and move on. Because I am not sure if I want to deal with this, or be involved in that lifestyle. I am afraid and feel like I don't know him anymore. He was in the navy for a long time maybe when he was overseas he had an encounter and like it, as I said I've known him for years and I have seen him date other woman. Serious relationships. I did as well but I am sure I like men. What should I do??


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

If he's active on a dating site, gay or not, he is either cheating or looking to cheat. I would confront him but he will probably deny it or say he was just "curious."


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Tell him you went out to get an Aids test. (Then do!)

Sorry, but I wouldn't trust this one. Chaulk it up to a learning experience & move on the the next guy.

I realize you have time invested with this guy & "he's a really great guy" and all.. But seriously, If you can't trust him now & talk about this openly now with him... You never will be able to . It will be a constant shadow over the relationship.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*Your boyfriend is gay run for the hills because straight men don't watch men on men porn..You should be glad you found out now. I think they call it on the downlow. Plus he is cheating on you too.*


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Same thing happened to me! And I did same as you with fake profile. I also cracked his hotmail and saw his correspondence and that he was indeed trolling. My gaslighter claimed he was just looking for intelligent conversation. Ummm yuck no thanks!
Cheating is cheating - same sex or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katieporter (Oct 18, 2012)

Its true, i have invested a lot. I don't know if i should just bust him in the site as a way of telling him that I know, I love him very much and I am afraid to move on. I think I would never be able to tell him I know because he will know I went through his things. I really don't want him completely out of my life though


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

katieporter said:


> Its true, i have invested a lot. I don't know if i should just bust him in the site as a way of telling him that I know, I love him very much and I am afraid to move on. I think I would never be able to tell him I know because he will know I went through his things. I really don't want him completely out of my life though


Keep him as a gay friend...


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I'm surprised the "he's just confused sexually. Stand by him. Love him. Help him" posts haven't started. When they do, ignore them. Because Gay cheaters on the down low aren't just cheaters, they are BIG TIME liars! What would have happened if you married this guy, had kids THEN found out he likes men?

He's a cheater and a liar. I'm sure besides that he's a peach. And not to pile on, but women say no to sex. Men don't. And he was in the navy. Next time you go to kiss him think of how many "things" have been in his mouth.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Ohhh are you sure its from him? When I was a teenager I was pissed off at my brother once and I knew he was bringing his girlfriend over.. So I made his wallpaper gay porn and pulled up a gay porn window just to make her freak out. Worked like a charm..

If your boyfriends the one visiting these sites, sounds like he's gay. After all, they're only gay sites. If he was bi he could get off on regular porn.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i love gay guys so I have to say,talk to him and let him know that you know he's flaming and break up with him.Then maybe someday when the wounds are less painful,the two of you can go shopping and redecorate a house or something.

While I think it's wrong to lie and hide things and I think you should confront him IMMEDIATELY,I have to say I don't think I'd be able to be angry at the man.
Being gay is really tough.Coming out is even tougher.I DO NOT think you should stand by him and "help him" though.Be tough,be firm,but be kind.

Unless he gaslights you...then the gloves are off.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

With the knowledge you now have, you can't afford to do anything but confront him. I would also get yourself tested to be on the safe side, OP.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I appreciate that you don't want to move on, as you've invested a lot of time into him, but - do you honestly want to imagine staying with him, while he's actively seeking out guys for gay encounters? Do you want to be with his sexually if he is engaging in gay encounters? (Or straight ones for that matter - are you up for an "open" relationship?) 

And - if you break up with him, you need to tell him why. Why is you discovering this on the computer (which if it was in his active history, he didn't really make any great efforts to hide it), more of an offense than him lying to you? Do you consider what he is doing cheating?

Have you pondered that all of the off-again/on-again drama you two have been through, is based on this issue - that he's been trying to determine if he's gay? No offense, but - you might be his beard.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> i love gay guys so I have to say,talk to him and let him know that you know he's flaming and break up with him.Then maybe someday when the wounds are less painful,the two of you can go shopping and redecorate a house or something.
> 
> While I think it's wrong to lie and hide things and I think you should confront him IMMEDIATELY,*I have to say I don't think I'd be able to be angry at the man.*Being gay is really tough.Coming out is even tougher.I DO NOT think you should stand by him and "help him" though.Be tough,be firm,but be kind.
> 
> Unless he gaslights you...then the gloves are off.


It wouldn't anger you to know that he was intimate with other people while supposedly exclusive with you? Sure being gay is tough...so is shoveling my driveway. If my wife was in that position she would feel double betrayal because you're not just lying about being exclusive you've lied about who you are.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

sinnister said:


> It wouldn't anger you to know that he was intimate with other people while supposedly exclusive with you? Sure being gay is tough...so is shoveling my driveway. If my wife was in that position she would feel double betrayal because you're not just lying about being exclusive you've lied about who you are.


it would anger me bc it's a betrayal but I don't think I could take it out on him and be entirely merciless.Being gay is very different from shoveling your driveway and I find the comparison unfair.

Like I said in my original post, OP, do not stay with this person.Break it off.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> *Your boyfriend is gay run for the hills because straight men don't watch men on men porn..You should be glad you found out now. I think they call it on the downlow. Plus he is cheating on you too.*


:iagree:

Run baby, RUN!

An ex gf of mine married a guy who was on " the down low ."
They had two children,and then everything blew up.
He left her , and I don't think she ever recovered.

She used to say he was the " sweetest husband ever."


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

1 - You admit that you two have been off and on so in the past there wasn't enough to hold you two together.

2 - Him being on ANY dating site means there STILL isn't enough for him to commit to you.

3 - Him being, at a minimum, bisexual just adds another dimension to the "it won't work" chorus.

4 - Go get an STD test now and don't have unprotected sex with him (if you have any at all).


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*You are just his cover so others want find out he is gay. That is all you will ever be to him. You need to go get tested for Stds and Aids.*


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## extraSensations (Oct 19, 2012)

It's already bad that he's cheating, but he's also gay. Be grateful you found out. I know you love him, but you can now love him as a person and not a life partner anymore. I don't think there is any room for interpretation with this one. 

I admire that you were able to contain your emotions very well.


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