# Taking separate vacations



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

A popular radio program here in the local area had a segment on today called group therapy. In it this new wife, had only been married a few months, was planning to take a vacation alone without her husband going. She stated she had been traveling alone since college and it's a once a year thing she enjoys doing and wanted the audiences opinion if she should go because her husband either wanted to join or her not to go.

Personally I believe this was staged like most these programs are but it did bring up a good question of would you vacation separately?

For me personally traveling is a passion and I would want to share that with my SO. So no I wouldn't be ok with different vacations but wondered what some others thought or had some experience with this.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I am divorced from a man I discovered had been serially cheating on me for our entire marriage - almost entirely on his hobby-related trips, solo vacations and "guys weekends" away. So, for better or worse, separate vacations would not be something I would find acceptable in a future relationship. I'm sure some couples are fine with it. I'm simply no longer capable of being a part of one of those couples.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

My wife's family is spread all over the globe and she often spends her vacation on an international trip to go visit her parents. 

During this time I usually enjoy a staycation at home and help my brother rebuild an engine in an old car in my garage since no one is at home to fuss about the huge mess we make. 

My other option would be to drop about five grand to go see my in laws and let them control my vacation time as I don't speak the language that well and become dependent on their help just to drive around. 

Anyway, our time apart is usually refreshing for both of us, so it works out.


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## miss_moneypenny (May 6, 2015)

We've done 'separate' vacations when I went with my mother to visit my grandmother halfway across the world and he couldn't get time off.

Would we do it willingly? Probably not at this moment because I'm struggling with some trust issues, but travel is one of the great passions I have and I always wanted to share it with him.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

My W has been doing her own vacations for years ("she deserves them"). It really did not bother me at first. I have ended up using my vacation time to move the kids back to school and out of state the past few years. My last vacation and the next one will be spent with her parents (I told her I am never doing it again). 

Honestly the last two vacations we spent together were not enjoyable. I will be going camping this summer ...............with the dog (who I really enjoy being with and hey it's seems to be reciprocal).


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Separate vacations are fine if both are on board. Since she is a newlywed, she might want to let her husband get used to the idea for a couple of years.

My husband had annual management retreats (mini vacations) where wives were not allowed to call them & they weren't allowed to call home. Yeah, got to keep their minds on all that fishing & golfing. Husband sure was glad to get home to civilization, though.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I don't understand the separate go alone vacation deal unless one is looking for a romantic mystery man/woman get away. Really, what does one get from traveling alone leaving their spouse at home?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> For me personally traveling is a passion and I would want to share that with my SO. So no I wouldn't be ok with different vacations but wondered what some others thought or had some experience with this.


I would Never Never Never go on a vacation without my husband. I would be soooooo bored [email protected]#$ No.. 
That's the whole idea, for us to enjoy together.. I know he feels the same way...I look the most forward to the Romantic ones where we leave all the kids at home!









I have been invited on smaller vacations with friends.. I never wanted to go .. the most I have done is 1 nighters when he's not with me.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Separate vacations are easy to understand. One partner might enjoy camping & the other considers anything less than a 5 star hotel to be barbaric.

One enjoys mountains and the other the beach. Cruising or roadtripping. It's more enjoyable if one doesn't have to constantly cajole and compromise.

Many couples find a common ground - i.e. they spend some vacation time together and reserve some for themselves.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Many couples find a common ground - i.e. they spend some vacation time together and reserve some for themselves.


Bingo.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

the day my ex husband suggested I went on holiday without him was the day I realised it was all over


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

While I can appreciate separate vacations to suit personal tastes, it is a breeding ground for betrayal. 

Also, to me, traveling is about sharing- a sunrise, sunset, great food… Going alone seems shallow. Especially early in a marriage. This is when couples really bond and there's hardly a better way than doing so on vacation.

Now, if it's going to see family that's different. It's hardly even traveling. 

So to me it's a bad idea.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

To me holiday time is quality time together away from the pressures of work and bill paying etc, if she wants time to chill and have fun with friends then I'm ok with her having a weekend trip once in a while but separate holidays would be a deal breaker for me


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

My husband is a workaholic. If I waited for him I would have never gone anywhere. We've been married over twenty years, he's gone on maybe five vacations, three of which were long weekends. I take the kids or a sibling and have some fun.

I would prefer he come with me, I'll keep wishing for that.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I would not want to. Not sure who else would be more fun to vacation with.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I just wrote a rambling wall of text. Be thankful I'm fixing it.

25 years ago my FIL talked my wife into going cross country with him and MIL to show our new baby to all the relatives. I couldn't take that much time off work so it was our first separate vacation. Low risk on her part. on the other hand she left me with a bachelor friend in a college town. But I was mostly working.

Last year I didn't take any big chunk vacation. She had some time so she took a Home Vacation that she spent going to doctors. We finally decided the surgery was too expensive for the short term help.

This year I'm more settled in my new job and am going to a training / Camp that I have been putting off for years. That is a full week thing. Spouses are welcome either as participants, support staff, or they have a stack of adventures that they can do While we are in class. Wife said she would rather sleep in her own bed and go to work. 

We have planned an extended weekend about a month after where we will travel, hike, beach comb, and sight see. She has a few vacation days on either side for prep and recovery.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

What's the point in working so hard to have a nice Holliday and go without your spouse?

Especially when you have a few weeks off on the same time.When you enjoy your partner company you want to be with him as much as possible at least that's the theory...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Separate vacations are easy to understand. One partner might enjoy camping & the other considers anything less than a 5 star hotel to be barbaric.
> 
> One enjoys mountains and the other the beach. Cruising or roadtripping. It's more enjoyable if one doesn't have to constantly cajole and compromise.
> 
> Many couples find a common ground - i.e. they spend some vacation time together and reserve some for themselves.


True. And I guess if that doesn't bother the couple then more power to them. I would consider that a compatibility issue so wouldn't work for me personally


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

i wouldn't be with someone who has tastes and desires so different than mine that separate vacations would be even considered.

I don't consider a girls spa weekend a vacation.... no more than if i went to play golf with the guys. i see mutual interests that are celebrated and shared between the couple and enjoyed via vacations as vital to the relationship.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It depends...hubby went for a 3 day weekend up to visit friends interstate a few months back, I didn't want to go - I can't stand the heat there at that time of year, it's shocking, lol. I don't see why he should miss out though just because I don't want to go...these are his friends for 25+ years.

On the other hand though, I wouldn't be happy if he wanted to go for 2 weeks or something, or overseas. I don't think he would either if it were me wanting to go (I hate being apart from him, I miss him terribly).

I had a friend many years ago who went to France for 6 weeks without her husband...I couldn't understand it at the time and I still can't...I couldn't bear to be apart from hubby for 6 days let alone 6 weeks!!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Once a year I go on a spa weekend with girlfriends and he usually goes on a golf weekend with guys. Major vacations are always together with the family. I'm so excited though, he taking me to Maui next month, just me and him. Can't wait.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Getting back to the original question, if I were her new husband this would be a huge red flag for me. Remember, he wants to go with her and she's refusing. No way in hell.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I have traveled without my husband. The first time was in my 20s. A friend was traveling overseas and she asked if I wanted to join her over there. My husband encouraged me with good intentions. I was hesitant but he basically said, go have an adventure, make the most of it. I was bawling my eyes out saying goodbye at the airport haha. I'll admit there was a thrill to having that experience at that time in my life. It was the first time I'd traveled alone. It was a long-haul flight, I switched in cities, relied on the help of staff and those around me, then arrived and met up with my friend. It was a special trip; kind of a 'once in a lifetime' really. 

I have done a short weekend away with another friend who lives in a different state. We decided to fly to a city that was between our two locations. She's the type of close friend where time doesn't seem to pass. We walked around the city in the sunshine, went out for dinner, stumbled into a bar, then ended up back at the hotel just chatting, laughing, and catching up over cups of tea. 

I'd be inclined to do another weekend catch up like that with my friend, perhaps going to her home, but otherwise I adore traveling with my husband. I value experiencing and exploring with him.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> Getting back to the original question, if I were her new husband this would be a huge red flag for me. Remember, he wants to go with her and she's refusing. No way in hell.


Well and the kicker was where she was going, to reconnect with herself , was a sandals resort I'm Jamaica. If you knew anything about them they are couple only lol

Like I said sure the whole thing was staged but I do know people in real life who do this...don't get it but know them.

My GF's best friend went on a 4 week safari in Africa last year with out her husband. They didn't think it was a big deal. I was floored when I heard about it lol


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

My wife and I do this on occasion, but not for extended trips. I enjoy fishing--she doesn't. I might go for a day or two by myself (solitude actually helps recharge me a little).

She's gone off to San Diego with her friends for a few days to go shopping. I'd sooner gouge my eyes out than spend that long shopping, but she enjoys it.

I trust her not to screw somebody, and she trusts me not to screw a fish. It's all good.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lila said:


> HB, your trip sounds like one I did a while back with my sister. Trip of a lifetime that I couldn't turn down.
> 
> My mother paid for my sis and I to go but didn't pay H's ticket. We didn't have the money to pay for him to go but regardless he didn't have the vacation time available from work. I felt bad at first, but this was a fabulous opportunity.
> 
> Here's the really really bad part.....to add insult to injury, I mistakenly locked H's keys in his car,,,while it was running,,,,at the airport drop-off. I literally couldn't get close enough to him to give him a goodbye kiss, he was soooo angry. I just waved as I walked away saying "I'll call you when I get to Paris, Love ya". IIRC, that was year 5 of marriage. I'm not sure we'd still be together if it had happened during year 1.


haha oh if your marriage can survive that, it can survive anything  does he laugh about it now?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MarriedGuy221 said:


> *Never, never, never. Wife and family always. They're all that matter to me*.


My H would talk like this.. If I didn't plan our vacations though -we'd never go on one... I don't mind this , however, as the sky is the limit...I can be as creative as I want.. I enjoy reading TripAdvisor reviews & creating new adventures for us all...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

No interest in "vacationing" separately.

I have, however, gone on quick weekend trips with my sister. Usually inane activities like shopping, mani-pedis and sunbathing.

If SO wanted to go on a camping/hunting/fishing weekend with his dad and brother or friends I have no problem with that.

But to plan an actual vacation, a major destination, no way no how. I wouldn't be interested in being with someone who had those interests apart from me.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

My husband and I have known each other since college years; married for ongoing 35 years. We vacation together as we work full time. We need to make new memories each year, so that we have subjects to talk about. Our bonding time is essential for the health of our relationship.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Since Most Americans get only 2-4 weeks of paid vacation time each year, why would you plan big trips with someone other than your spouse? It's hard to squeeze in together-time as it is.

I do not count visiting family or work-related trips as vacations. Those typically aren't relaxing for anyone.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Lila said:


> HB, your trip sounds like one I did a while back with my sister. Trip of a lifetime that I couldn't turn down.
> 
> My mother paid for my sis and I to go but didn't pay H's ticket. We didn't have the money to pay for him to go but regardless he didn't have the vacation time available from work. I felt bad at first, but this was a fabulous opportunity.
> 
> Here's the really really bad part.....to add insult to injury, I mistakenly locked H's keys in his car,,,while it was running,,,,at the airport drop-off. I literally couldn't get close enough to him to give him a goodbye kiss, he was soooo angry. I just waved as I walked away saying "I'll call you when I get to Paris, Love ya". IIRC, that was year 5 of marriage. I'm not sure we'd still be together if it had happened during year 1.



I'm just curious. How did this happen?
If you couldn't get close enough to give him a goodbye kiss, that means he was with you. Was he outside the vehicle? The way I see it, he would be driving if he dropped you off, wouldn't he?


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> Since Most Americans get only 2-4 weeks of paid vacation time each year, why would you plan big trips with someone other than your spouse? It's hard to squeeze in together-time as it is.
> 
> I do not count visiting family or work-related trips as vacations. Those typically aren't relaxing for anyone.


Visiting family never count as Holliday because most of the time can be stressful . In my my book neither a weekend off with the girls doesn't count as a vacation, but rather a time off for hobbies


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

JukeboxHero said:


> I'm just curious. How did this happen?
> If you couldn't get close enough to give him a goodbye kiss, that means he was with you. Was he outside the vehicle? The way I see it, he would be driving if he dropped you off, wouldn't he?


That would suck if she locked him in the car then took off to Europe. Lila, I hope he had a cell phone with him so he could call a locksmith to let him out.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

We don't do separate vacations in our marriage. We both feel that vacations are to be spent together.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

x598 said:


> i wouldn't be with someone who has tastes and desires so different than mine that separate vacations would be even considered.
> 
> I don't consider a girls spa weekend a vacation.... no more than if i went to play golf with the guys. i see mutual interests that are celebrated and shared between the couple and enjoyed via vacations as vital to the relationship.


:iagree:

I have no interest in vacationing separately from my husband. If we had such opposite tastes in 'hobbies'/where to go/what to do, then I wouldn't want to be with him. We both enjoy the outdoors and being active together. I just find vacationing separately to be odd. I don't like to be away from my husband for long.


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