# Separated and in the Loonie Bin



## scottaj74 (Dec 1, 2013)

Hi,

As I write this I'm blown away at where I am in the world. Once I had a great job, an awesome wife and a beautiful 2 year old boy. Today, I'm recently separated and sitting in the psych ward of a hospital. 

My wife sprung it upon me a few nights back, basically she said ,"I have nothing left to give this relationship". I was dumbfounded and could find very little words to engage in conversation. I basically said, "OK".

It then hit me on the head, the whole weight of the situation and I didn't know what to do, say or act - I felt completely lost. I wanted to confront here and ask the "why" questions. She told me she had been to counselling on her own and that she was done.

Being at a complete loss (and I do suffer from a low grade depression), I took off in my truck and started to drink. I went to a really dark place and thought about taking my own life. I didn't see a future and everything that I had been working on came crashing down around me. My friends found me, pulled the keys away from me and took me up the hospital. I was quickly medicated and transferred off the psych ward which is where I am now. I never thought I'd be here in a million years.....Life is full of disappointments and this is the biggest so far.....


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Well, now is your chance to start working on yourself. You didn't say what the issues in your marriage have been. But you now have a chance to give your own life a hard look and to become a better person because of all this. 

Getting yourself in to individual counseling would be a good start. There is also a group called "emotions anonymous" that might be helpful to you if there are any around.

Now is the time to start making new friends if you became isolated, working out if you let yourself go, finding new hobbies if you worked all the time or became one track minded, and getting your mental life in order. (This is what we call the 180...it is not about breaking contact unless there is infidelity, and there might very well be that,)

Separation is very difficult, but it can make you a better person if you seize it as an opportunity. Nothing about this is going to be easy. trust me, a year from now you can be in a new place in life that is different from where you are, but better. Or you can continue to spiral out of control. Up to you. You have to decide and do the work.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

A good counselor will help you learn how to deal with pain, hurt, rejection, and all the emotions that are going to come at you. Depression and anxiety may hit you hard, and it sounds like you have already had a break. Not being able to sleep for very long at a time, loss of appetite and weight loss, apathy about most things, tight stomach, dry mouth and such things are symptoms of anxiety. It is okay to get on anti-depressants for a time to level out a bit. But do not use them to cover up the work you will need to do to learn new ways of responding to hurt.

Anyway, an IC will help you learn how to cope without going off the deep end. You likely have internalized some patterns for responding to pain that are harmful to yourself and your relationships.


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## hitbyabrick (Nov 14, 2013)

A few days after mine told me she was leaving, I crawled into a bottle one night, and my thoughts went to a very dark place as well. At some point I blacked out, and have no idea how I ended up back in bed.

For me, the experience scared me & made me realize I could not handle drinking in such an emotional state. I'm still cautious about my mood when I consider having a drink. Please remember that while you may want to drink to help you sleep or kill the pain, it's not worth the risk, and it doesn't really help.



Arendt said:


> Separation is very difficult, but it can make you a better person if you seize it as an opportunity.


I completely agree. Trying to see my situation in life as an opportunity to better myself is what's helping me get through each day.


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