# She filed i got served yesterday..



## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

I dont know but it all seems like its happing fast. 20 years together 15 years of marriage and a month into seperation. She gave me the im not happy speech a while ago. So i know im to blame for alot of this. But i think after she had the PA in 2002 and i actually caught her not her really telling me( gaslighted me for weeks) i guess i never felt she had the full remorse. I should have saw it coming i always initiated sex for the last year and a half. I should have saw it coming this time. I guess i didnt wanna believe our marriage was in jeopardy and i know no one deserve to be cheated on. I feel its gonna be hard when i come in town to see my other two kids and having to see her. I know she really did me wrong at the end by prolly having another PA and she knew this time it was no coming back because i told her that after the last one. So maybe this was her exit strategy idk. She said she wanted to be happy whatever that means. Im doing pretty good in my progress been working out gonna go back and take a mangement course to become a Director of one of my Parents daycare (they have two and are opening a new one) my oldest son is adjusting of course he miss his mom. He has Asbergers syndrome. Idk i feel down today for some reason i guess this is part of the process?


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## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

Welp just found out today she has a boyfriend. Not really a shocker i guess but still hurts.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Just be glad you are rid of her. I know it sucks and hurts but in the end you'll be the happy one. 

No more wondering if she's cheating. 

And don't blame yourself. If she was a good wife she would have explained and discussed things with you instead of going the easy route and cheating. 

Google MMSLP and read that book. It will put you in a better place to meet a better woman. Nothing greater than finding a new girl and having a big smile on your face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Your malignant emotional, psychological, personal well being destroying tumor is removing itself from your life. 

This type of tumor can't be removed by anyone else, not even you. Fortunately, yours was the self removing type. You'll have a scar, but it won't be that bad if you really work on healing yourself.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I'm sorry. It sucks. It sucks when someone you love and care for for so long turns out to be capable of some really sh!tty things. 

And really, my experience was no words made me feel better. And honestly it was the worst emotional pain of my life. And I thought that it would never end. 

And it still hasn't ended...but it's better now. I still grieve, but I don't miss him. For me it took about 7 months to get to this point. I'm not over it...but that first 7 months was awful. 

I can't say how long you are going to feel like this...it seems everyone does it differently. You hang on to your logic, but your emotions don't match. 

So, here's my advice. One step at a time. Grieve as long and as hard as you need to. Accept that you are going to feel like [email protected] for an unknowable amount of time, but that if you stick with it...the worst will end (probably with in a year.) 

That's as far as I've gotten in my process so that's as much knowledge as I can impart.


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## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

And the worst part is we have kids together. How the hell do i do this? I moved 2 hours away(thank god cause the amount of disrespect i could be in jail if i stayed) im dreading going back this weekend but i wanna see my other two kids badly. And she wants to see our oldest . Hopefully i can get my sister to pick them up. I honestly dont wanna see her face at all feel like i would take 4 steps back in my healing process. Me and my son move in our place on the 30th maybe that will give me another boost. My old female friend who i really care about reconnected with me my wife actually stole me from her but we always stayed connected. I just dont wanna feel this way anymore i know its so soon but i feel like she has done so much bad **** to me that my brain should be over taking my heart more. I dont wanna be a pity party anymore. I looked for the MMSLP book today guess i gotta order it cause they didnt have it. Or the no more mr nice guy book.i dont know on the bright side i have not had any urge to call her or see her face.


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

If you can get someone else to pick up the kids so you don't have to see her that will help you detach from her. Don't see her or speak to her. Keep all communication strictly to email and about the kids.

You need to do the 180 to heal. You need to purge her from your system.

Do you share all 3 kids or are they from previous relationships?


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## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

Yea all three are mine. My oldest lives with me. About 2 hrs 40 minutes away.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

It sucks....But it will get better each day. A little at a time. 

Have you seen a lawyer yet?
Have you separated the finances?
Is there any sort of written agreement about who takes care of what and when?

Keep working out. Sign NOTHING until you have YOUR lawyer look it over. 

Take care of yourself


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Marriage takes two and generally so does divorce.

I think it's good you acknowledge your own contribution to the breakdown of your marriage, as generally no divorce is *solely* ever due to just 1 party.

Your wife chose to deal with your issues by having an affair, apparently, and that's a deal breaker for you, and for most. If she didn't get the jump on filing on you first, I suspect you would have gotten there yourself eventually.

All you can do now is what you are doing; detach asap and don't beat yourself up too hard about it. Take whatever lessons you've learned and apply them moving forward to your new, happier life.


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## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

And i wanna detach she keeps hounding me. She told me over the weekend she did indeed have an affair in February dont know how many after that, then she said she was in love with a guy that she cheated with, then she said none of that was true? But i know the affair part was true she just lies so much i dont understand it. Then Tuesday she send me a text that morning with an old T shirt with me and her name on it that she had kept for 20 yrs with the caption "Good Morning" . Then she calls and asked about our health insurance ccoverage (which is good until july) and then she calls asking about her password on her laptop that she took in to get fixed. I realized that she was just trying to make small talk with me so i ended those real quick. But i will not be answering anymore of her phone calls. She is a sick person in the head. I dont understand it . Its like she dosent want me to heal.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Sick people are in no position to help others to heal. My advice is you adjust your expectations of her, pronto.

Early days of my D, my ex came and helped me with a car problem. Now, our situation isn't hostile like yours, but I still made sure I joined an autoclub and got the tools I needed in my vehicle to avoid this kind of situation in future. Plus, my ex understood that I needed my car for our son, so there was a larger issue at play.

Your stbx needs to wean herself of you. If she can't, then you do it for her. You don't owe her anything. Not answering her calls, or solving her issues, unless urgent is a good place to start. Let her affair partners help her.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Stop answering her calls. Period. No matter what they are about. 

If she texts, only reply if about the kids. 

Nobody tells you they had an affair when they really didn't. She is spiraling. Let her. You don't have to go down with her though.


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