# Wife secretly moved all money from joint account to her private account.



## Laser Shark (Oct 13, 2021)

My wife and I have a joint savings account which has our life's savings. We've been together for 8 years.

I had an argument with my wife in early December and we said some mean things to each other. We had made up a few days later and I thought we were okay at that point. Everything seemed good between us throughout December. Around Christmas, I drove up to my bank to deposit some money and was notified that our current balance had 0 dollars. They advised me that my wife had moved all the money to her new personal account in early December. She kept it secret from me all month long. Of course this upset me and I could only assume what her intentions were. This was a lot of money and most of it was from my contribution.

I tried to be calm when asking her about it later that night. She wouldn't tell me why she did it. I let her know that it really upset me. Is she trying to leave me and running off with all of our money? I was able to get her to put the money back into our joint account the next day.

This really broke my trust with her. I would never take her or anyone's money like that. And then she kept it secret from me for a month. I felt kind of stupid because I had been spending money on her while this was going on. I even bought her some diamond earrings for Christmas. She later told me that she did it because she was mad. Never apologized or anything.

I thought about pulling my share of the money out and putting it in a personal account. But I later decided to keep it in our joint.

Anyway, we got in an argument today and I got to thinking about this. It still upsets me.

What would you do in this situation?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If she is going to throw temper tantrums like that then you need to protect yourself. At minimum, you need to make sure the funds can only be moved if you both sign off on it. I wouldn't fault you at all for taking 50% of the funds, or whatever you can prove is your contribution, and putting it in your own account.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Laser Shark said:


> I felt kind of stupid


A huge yes you should to the above .... but an even larger “you should feel stupid” for putting the money back into an account where she can do it again.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She probably thought she needed to safeguard the money so you wouldn't run off with it. What you need to do is get an attorney and then the attorney can put those assets into safekeeping so neither one of you run off with them.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I’d go online and check her phone bill. Smells like something is amiss.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Since you can't trust her, separate your accounts -- your $$ goes into yours, her $$ goes in to hers, and then your joint account -- you each deposit what is required for the bills to be paid, and that's it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

When one has a spouse that is untrustworthy,it is foolish to pretend that somehow they ARE.
You are pretending that she didn’t do what she did. There’s no way you should keep this nice guy idiocy up and sticking your head in the sand. If you are earning the money, put it into a new account that only you have access to. If you divorce, certainly you can be forced to give half of it to your wife. However, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a story where the wife actually repaid money she took when she cleaned out joint savings accounts. I’m sure it’s happened, but I haven’t heard of it. WHY would you leave it in the account just to be stolen AGAIN??? Being a doormat never works out well for the doormat.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

No need to be nice now. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Her actions say it all. Protect yourself now or suffer later


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

She's getting ready to bail on ya.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Laser Shark said:


> My wife and I have a joint savings account which has our life's savings. We've been together for 8 years.
> 
> I had an argument with my wife in early December and we said some mean things to each other. We had made up a few days later and I thought we were okay at that point. Everything seemed good between us throughout December. Around Christmas, I drove up to my bank to deposit some money and was notified that our current balance had 0 dollars. They advised me that my wife had moved all the money to her new personal account in early December. She kept it secret from me all month long. Of course this upset me and I could only assume what her intentions were. This was a lot of money and most of it was from my contribution.
> 
> ...


Why you haven't retained a lawyer is the real question. Foolish if you don't.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

syhoybenden said:


> She's getting ready to bail on ya.


What he said times 100 sir. She is getting ready to bolt. Be on guard! Lawyer up! NOW.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Laser Shark said:


> What would you do in this situation?


Get advice from a lawyer.
Get advice from a lawyer.
Get advice from a lawyer.
Get advice from a lawyer.
Get advice from a lawyer.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

As others have mentioned , have the bank set the account up so that both have to authorize withdrawals. One would need the other's written or in person consent to remove money. If she pushes back against this, tell her you're just protecting yourself for when she gets "mad" again.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Tested_by_stress said:


> As others have mentioned , have the bank set the account up so that both have to authorize withdrawals. One would need the other's written or in person consent to remove money. If she pushes back against this, tell her you're just protecting yourself for when she gets "mad" again.


Great idea but……. He needs an attorney too


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## Laser Shark (Oct 13, 2021)

That's a good idea. I've been contemplating removing my portion. I'll tell her I'll join it if we can set up a specific amount that can't be withdrawn unless we both agree to it. This really sucks that I have to do this with my wife.


Laurentium said:


> Get advice from a lawyer.
> Get advice from a lawyer.
> Get advice from a lawyer.
> Get advice from a lawyer.
> Get advice from a lawyer.


Yeah, I'm doing that tomorrow. I called around and left messages this morning.

At this time, she's wanting to buy a new house and we've been looking around a bit. I'm stopping that for the time being. This would involve selling the current house we live in and using the equity to purchase a new home. The current home is owned by her and paid off. I'm not sure she is wanting to divorce now, but I realize I need to be careful.

I've been dealing with a situation in which there has been no intimacy for a long time. About 6 months ago, I was distraught and told her I wanted a divorce. I was serious at the time and wasn't just trying to scare her. She didn't want to do that and we have been working on things. Intimacy levels have started slipping again, so I've decided to do the 180. As you can see, I realize I've been the "nice guy."


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

The fact that she took it all, as opposed to half, is very telling.

I think you should separate all of the money and each have your own accounts. Then your half will be protected.

Whether she's planning to bail I don't know. You don't say what mean things were said but a stunt like she pulled shifts the dynamic of the marriage, so even if she's not planning to bail that seed of distrust is now planted.

Separate your finances now.


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## Laser Shark (Oct 13, 2021)

I honestly don't remember what the argument was about. Because she told me, I do know that I called her a "dead beat mom." I'm guessing it had to do with the kids and her making me feel like she was taking advantage of me.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Does your wife work?


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## Laser Shark (Oct 13, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Does your wife work?


Yes, full time.


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## Laser Shark (Oct 13, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> As others have mentioned , have the bank set the account up so that both have to authorize withdrawals. One would need the other's written or in person consent to remove money. If she pushes back against this, tell her you're just protecting yourself for when she gets "mad" again.


Instead of secretly pulling the money out, then asking her to set up a dual auth account, I rather confront her and ask her to do this with our current account. But it kind of scares me.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Laser Shark said:


> That's a good idea. I've been contemplating removing my portion. I'll tell her I'll join it if we can set up a specific amount that can't be withdrawn unless we both agree to it. This really sucks that I have to do this with my wife.
> 
> 
> Yeah, I'm doing that tomorrow. I called around and left messages this morning.
> ...


She didn't want the divorce then because it wasn't on her terms. Sucks that you're going through this but at least you have a chance to not get cleaned out. I'd at the very least move enough into an account to cover bills for a month and if needed move into a new place since you said the house was hers. You're going to need at least that. Obviously talk to an attorney. She showed you she didn't care about you so you have to take care of yourself.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Laser Shark said:


> Instead of secretly pulling the money out, then asking her to set up a dual auth account, I rather confront her and ask her to do this with our current account. But it kind of scares me.


Her actions taken with your finances should scare you more.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Her actions taken with your finances should scare you more.


Right! And it sounds like the money is still at risk, I guess they're on the honor system for now. At this point she's showed her cards so it's not like she'd be worried about losing face by taking it again.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Al_Bundy said:


> *She didn't want the divorce then because it wasn't on her terms.* Sucks that you're going through this but at least you have a chance to not get cleaned out. I'd at the very least move enough into an account to cover bills for a month and if needed move into a new place since you said the house was hers. You're going to need at least that. Obviously talk to an attorney. She showed you she didn't care about you so you have to take care of yourself.


Yep


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## Laser Shark (Oct 13, 2021)

Here is another thing I'm wondering about. I'm not sure if I should start a new post on this.

I have my stepdaughter on my medical insurance along with my biological child. They both live with us. I love my stepdaughter but I don't know if it is a good idea to to this. I don't mind, but at the same time, my wife has a job and my stepdaughter's father works. He never holds jobs for a long time. I think this is because he inherited a bunch of land that he sold. He doesn't feel the need to work full time. But I'm thinking, with open enrollment here, why should I add her to my insurance, especially with this dynamic that is going on between my wife and I? My step daughter is almost 10 and she still has a good relationship with her father who pays child support. Either one of them could put her on their insurance.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Laser Shark said:


> Here is another thing I'm wondering about. I'm not sure if I should start a new post on this.
> 
> I have my stepdaughter on my medical insurance along with my biological child. They both live with us. I love my stepdaughter but I don't know if it is a good idea to to this. I don't mind, but at the same time, my wife has a job and my stepdaughter's father works. He never holds jobs for a long time. I think this is because he inherited a bunch of land that he sold. He doesn't feel the need to work full time. But I'm thinking, with open enrollment here, why should I add her to my insurance, especially with this dynamic that is going on between my wife and I? My step daughter is almost 10 and she still has a good relationship with her father who pays child support. Either one of them could put her on their insurance.



Here is something to think about... no advice here but something to think about. (disclaimer.... I am an insurance agent, have been for 34 years) Probably to add your biological child you had to take either the employee/ children or the "family" level for your plan. When you do that it is usally a flat amount per month no matter how many children. So adding her to your plan didnt increase the cost to you over what it would be for just your biological child. (am I making myself clear?) 
So I can see why you would of done that. However your step daughters dad should have an obligation to cover her, I would be looking to him for some help towards the cost of the coverage.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Laser Shark said:


> Here is another thing I'm wondering about. I'm not sure if I should start a new post on this.
> 
> I have my stepdaughter on my medical insurance along with my biological child. They both live with us. I love my stepdaughter but I don't know if it is a good idea to to this. I don't mind, but at the same time, my wife has a job and my stepdaughter's father works. He never holds jobs for a long time. I think this is because he inherited a bunch of land that he sold. He doesn't feel the need to work full time. But I'm thinking, with open enrollment here, why should I add her to my insurance, especially with this dynamic that is going on between my wife and I? My step daughter is almost 10 and she still has a good relationship with her father who pays child support. Either one of them could put her on their insurance.


You're better off keeping everything in one thread, unless it's totally unrelated. People can give better advice that way.

Does your wife have a custody agreement that says who is responsible for insurance? I'm not sure if I would take your stepdaughter off your insurance. To me, it would depend on what makes the most sense financially, who has the better plan, etc. My "stepdaughter" is on my insurance, but she has been on mine, my wife's and her sperm donors at one point or another.

If you end up divorcing, that would qualify as a life-changing event to get her off and onto the insurance plan of her "natural" parents. If her biological father wasn't in the picture then you could be on the hook for insurance, child support, etc. if you divorce, but that's not the case for you. You could talk to a lawyer to make sure.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yeah that’s not likely costing you a dime extra, so why worry about that??


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Being a nice guy is asking for a kick in the rear. She’s looking out for her so you look out for you. No one else will.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> Since you can't trust her, separate your accounts -- your $$ goes into yours, her $$ goes in to hers, and then your joint account -- you each deposit what is required for the bills to be paid, and that's it.





Laser Shark said:


> My wife and I have a joint savings account which has our life's savings. We've been together for 8 years.
> 
> I had an argument with my wife in early December and we said some mean things to each other. We had made up a few days later and I thought we were okay at that point. Everything seemed good between us throughout December. Around Christmas, I drove up to my bank to deposit some money and was notified that our current balance had 0 dollars. They advised me that my wife had moved all the money to her new personal account in early December. She kept it secret from me all month long. Of course this upset me and I could only assume what her intentions were. This was a lot of money and most of it was from my contribution.
> 
> ...





Al_Bundy said:


> She didn't want the divorce then because it wasn't on her terms. Sucks that you're going through this but at least you have a chance to not get cleaned out. I'd at the very least move enough into an account to cover bills for a month and if needed move into a new place since you said the house was hers. You're going to need at least that. Obviously talk to an attorney. She showed you she didn't care about you so you have to take care of yourself.


Glad she put it back, but her being angry about something is no reason to clean out the account!! I'd be moving most of the money into a separate account in your name...just leaving enough in the joint account to pay bills, etc.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Laser Shark said:


> My wife and I have a joint savings account which has our life's savings. We've been together for 8 years.
> 
> I had an argument with my wife in early December and we said some mean things to each other. We had made up a few days later and I thought we were okay at that point. Everything seemed good between us throughout December. Around Christmas, I drove up to my bank to deposit some money and was notified that our current balance had 0 dollars. They advised me that my wife had moved all the money to her new personal account in early December. She kept it secret from me all month long. Of course this upset me and I could only assume what her intentions were. This was a lot of money and most of it was from my contribution.
> 
> ...


This story is almost identical to what happened to my friend about ten years ago. Its a strategy a spouse uses in divorce.

Him and his lady were fighting a lot! She was cheating on him. But she cleaned out the accounts into new accounts in her name only. She had him served with papers. He had no money to hire an attorney or even buy groceries.

He and I went all the way back to high school. I agreed to loan him 12k needed for a good divorce lawyer. But as collateral, I got his coin collection that would easily cover the amount twice over on a bad day..... His attorney got him a little more than half the money back. He was treated very favorably because of her behavior. He paid me back with a cashiers check and I didn't charge him interest lol. And he got his coins back.

He has dated since, no marriage.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Laser Shark said:


> Here is another thing I'm wondering about. I'm not sure if I should start a new post on this.
> 
> I have my stepdaughter on my medical insurance along with my biological child. They both live with us. I love my stepdaughter but I don't know if it is a good idea to to this. I don't mind, but at the same time, my wife has a job and my stepdaughter's father works. He never holds jobs for a long time. I think this is because he inherited a bunch of land that he sold. He doesn't feel the need to work full time. But I'm thinking, with open enrollment here, why should I add her to my insurance, especially with this dynamic that is going on between my wife and I? My step daughter is almost 10 and she still has a good relationship with her father who pays child support. Either one of them could put her on their insurance.


Yeah, I think you should let her mom or dad have her on their insurance. Especially since your relationship is rocky.

And, also, because she has a bio mom and dad who could do it.

Open enrollment only comes round once a year, do it now.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

It sounds like she's working on her exit plans.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

My XH did this with our joint account when we were discussing separation - funneled almost everything to an account in his name only before we had discussed finances. Get a lawyer. Now. (whether or not you want to divorce or separate, you need to know what you can do to protect your joint assets going forward so they can be fairly divided up in the event of a divorce)


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

This is why it is good to always keep your money separate and protect yourself.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Laser Shark said:


> Here is another thing I'm wondering about. I'm not sure if I should start a new post on this.
> 
> I have my stepdaughter on my medical insurance along with my biological child. They both live with us. I love my stepdaughter but I don't know if it is a good idea to to this. I don't mind, but at the same time, my wife has a job and my stepdaughter's father works. He never holds jobs for a long time. I think this is because he inherited a bunch of land that he sold. He doesn't feel the need to work full time. But I'm thinking, with open enrollment here, why should I add her to my insurance, especially with this dynamic that is going on between my wife and I? My step daughter is almost 10 and she still has a good relationship with her father who pays child support. Either one of them could put her on their insurance.


Why do that? The child is just 9 years old.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Laser Shark said:


> Here is another thing I'm wondering about. I'm not sure if I should start a new post on this.
> 
> I have my stepdaughter on my medical insurance along with my biological child. They both live with us. I love my stepdaughter but I don't know if it is a good idea to to this. I don't mind, but at the same time, my wife has a job and my stepdaughter's father works. He never holds jobs for a long time. I think this is because he inherited a bunch of land that he sold. He doesn't feel the need to work full time. But I'm thinking, with open enrollment here, why should I add her to my insurance, especially with this dynamic that is going on between my wife and I? My step daughter is almost 10 and she still has a good relationship with her father who pays child support. Either one of them could put her on their insurance.


I'm checking in on you. How are things going? Are you doing OK?


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Laser Shark said:


> My wife and I have a joint savings account which has our life's savings. We've been together for 8 years.
> 
> I had an argument with my wife in early December and we said some mean things to each other. We had made up a few days later and I thought we were okay at that point. Everything seemed good between us throughout December. Around Christmas, I drove up to my bank to deposit some money and was notified that our current balance had 0 dollars. They advised me that my wife had moved all the money to her new personal account in early December. She kept it secret from me all month long. Of course this upset me and I could only assume what her intentions were. This was a lot of money and most of it was from my contribution.
> 
> ...


That is an act that never goes away.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Laser Shark , any updates?


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## Carolyn E Melton (9 mo ago)

If you don't have trust in her, keep it in your personal account. In my opinion, it is better.


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## larrybogie68 (9 mo ago)

bobert said:


> If she is going to throw temper tantrums like that then you need to protect yourself. At minimum, you need to make sure the funds can only be moved if you both sign off on it. I wouldn't fault you at all for taking 50% of the funds, or whatever you can prove is your contribution, and putting it in your own account.


I'm not trying to be funny but putting money in the mattress like the old days not a bad idea hearing things like this though about money is y in 35 years what she makes and when I make it's our money and goes into one account


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