# New to all of this



## laura00 (2 mo ago)

Hello! I am new here, new to everything I guess. Just want to get my story out there, maybe get some help and support if anyone can.

On Halloween, my husband sent me a text while he was at work that we “weren’t working out” and he thought we got married too soon. I didn’t know what to do. The next three days, things were normal, he was telling me he loved me, things weren’t out of the ordinary. Then I was out to dinner with some friends on Friday, and he texted me again. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. Sorry.” That’s all it said. And suddenly our marriage was over. 

We’ve been together for 5 years, married for 3 and a half. I don’t even know what happened. He won’t talk about it. Just says he wants to “work on himself.” But the only thing that he’s changing is his marital status. He isn’t going to therapy, isn't changing his job. He’s just divorcing me. And I don’t know how to not take that personally.

I’ve moved back in with my mom, barely spoken to him. I just don’t know where to go from here. I don’t want to get a lawyer if I can avoid it. I can’t afford it, and I think we can come to an agreement on most if not all things. I’m letting him have the house, as I can’t afford to keep it on my own anyway. That’s our only asset together. We have no kids.

I'm just so…confused. A month ago, I was in a happy marriage (as far as I knew), and now my life’s completely thrown off.

I'm only 30, so I know I’ll get through this and find love again and all that. But it just hurts so much right now, and I don’t even know how to go forward.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

laura00 said:


> Hello! I am new here, new to everything I guess. Just want to get my story out there, maybe get some help and support if anyone can.
> 
> On Halloween, my husband sent me a text while he was at work that we “weren’t working out” and he thought we got married too soon. I didn’t know what to do. The next three days, things were normal, he was telling me he loved me, things weren’t out of the ordinary. Then I was out to dinner with some friends on Friday, and he texted me again. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. Sorry.” That’s all it said. And suddenly our marriage was over.
> 
> ...


I am sorry this is happening to you.. I was there myself once upon a time.. You will get great support here... Welcome. 💞🤗


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Welcome to TAM and sorry you're going through all of this. 

Your husband sending you a text that ''we're not working out'', then for three days acting loving and caring, then sending another text that he doesn't want to ''do this anymore,'' has shades of another woman in the background, in my opinion. You don't have to go into full investigation mode, but I'd check the phone bills, and see if there's anything unusual in social media, that jumps out at you. It won't ease your pain, but it will alleviate your confusion, as to where this is all coming from.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

laura00 said:


> Hello! I am new here, new to everything I guess. Just want to get my story out there, maybe get some help and support if anyone can.
> 
> On Halloween, my husband sent me a text while he was at work that we “weren’t working out” and he thought we got married too soon. I didn’t know what to do. The next three days, things were normal, he was telling me he loved me, things weren’t out of the ordinary. Then I was out to dinner with some friends on Friday, and he texted me again. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. Sorry.” That’s all it said. And suddenly our marriage was over.
> 
> ...


I agree with @*Deidre* , your husband's behavior sounds a lot like he's emotionally committed to another. It is highly likely that he is having an affair and thinks he's in love with her (or him). That's why you didn't realize anything was wrong (the affair was in secret) and why he acts 'normal' when you're around (he's been faking that for a long time). Next he will say that he hasn't been happy for "years" as he re-writes your history together.

The question now is what do you want to do.

Your husband is showing you who he is. It's perfectly within your rights to let him walk away and be done with the whole mess. That's what I would do...tell him you know he's a cheating liar and then cut the cancer from your life.

If you want to try to fix the broken relationship, the road is long and hard and rarely succeeds. But even that starts with filing for divorce. He needs a harsh wake-up call and to face reality, but even then it may not matter.

Either way you decide, put some space between him and you so you can think straight, go to the lawyer and get a look at your options, and change your thinking... think of him as the enemy. He is not your friend anymore.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Check your cellphone bill


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Very few men end things the way he did. Almost always that abrupt ”I’m out” type message (especially by text) means they’re interested in someone else. I’m sorry he did this to you, I know how painful it is. Yes, life will be good again at some point but focus on healing for now.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Honestly, what he is doing is so much better than alot who actually just cheat and don't end their marriage.

Don't try to woo him back.... If he doesn't understand your worth, that is on him... but don't let that cause you to question your own internal self-value. You deserve to be treated better than this, and after all you invested in him, to simply be texted that it is over is ridiculous. I'd be upset, but use that anger to move on as fast as possible. Don't be plan B.

ETA: Also, I would assume someone else is in the picture for him as the others have pointed out.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Laura, I am sorry you are going through this right now. Please understand that myself and those her who have experienced what you are going through understand and can sympathize with your situation. To me this sounds like your husband is caught up in an affair. He can't explain himself because it would incriminate his actions and he cannot explain to you why this has happened. He more than likely has some sense of guilt and does not want to hurt you but he feels forced to make a choice. That does not mean that you did anything wrong or that you are not good enough, not at all. He realized he had to make a choice and could no longer live both lives.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Very sorry you find yourself in this awful position. What a totally callous and spineless way for your husband to act.

I think you have been given good advice about not doing the pick me dance. Nor should you look for any shortcomings or failures on your part as contributing to the end of the marriage because there are not any. This is 100% down to him.

I suppose the question I have is what do you do now?

I think anyone would want an explanation why he wants out but I do see a lot of people on here fighting to get full confessions when it is obvious the marriage is dead and buried only to find themselves deeply hurt when they do get the information they thought they wanted.

An alternative here is to focus purely on the future, ensuring you get good terms in the divorce without giving him the satisfaction of putting you through the hell of the who, what, where, why and when. To quote " you're gonna dust that man right out of your hair" as quickly as possible with minimum fuss, conflict or hurt.

The opposite of love is apathy and this is a very powerful tool for you. Yes, you are going to be hurting but don't give him the satisfaction of seeing that. Walk away with your head held very high.

Good luck, and make good use of this forum for support.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Welcome to TAM and sorry you're going through all of this.
> 
> Your husband sending you a text that ''we're not working out'', then for three days acting loving and caring, then sending another text that he doesn't want to ''do this anymore,'' has shades of another woman in the background, in my opinion. You don't have to go into full investigation mode, but I'd check the phone bills, and see if there's anything unusual in social media, that jumps out at you. It won't ease your pain, but it will alleviate your confusion, as to where this is all coming from.


I agree with this logic.

He is monkey branching to another woman. When she finally gave him a definitive, yes, it was you getting a definite no. 

No more marriage.

The only other explanation would be a fed up, walk-away husband.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You are going to be so much happier. You will. It will happen. This cowardly liar is not worth your time. Let him live in his fantasy perfect world. It won’t last.


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

laura00 said:


> Hello! I am new here, new to everything I guess. Just want to get my story out there, maybe get some help and support if anyone can.
> 
> On Halloween, my husband sent me a text while he was at work that we “weren’t working out” and he thought we got married too soon. I didn’t know what to do. The next three days, things were normal, he was telling me he loved me, things weren’t out of the ordinary. Then I was out to dinner with some friends on Friday, and he texted me again. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. Sorry.” That’s all it said. And suddenly our marriage was over.
> 
> ...



I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

He acknowledges and recognizes that he jumped into a relationship too fast. He wasn't ready or healthy enough to be in a relationship...


but like alot of people.....


They realize these things about themselves prior and put themselves on the back burner and jump into relationships that they aren't equipped to deal with, and shouldn't be in.



Maybe at some point he thought he could do it, and tried to disguise the fact that he was struggling.

He can no longer keep up the charades.

Chances are you were the only one happy in the marriage...perhaps while dating. 



Maybe he felt pressured to date and marry someone by a certain age...you just happened to be that someone 


This is a blessing. 

At least he cared enough to not waste anymore of your time and string you along.




Believe him, and work towards moving on.


You're getting off "relatively" Scott free..


Meaning things would be 50 times more terrible if you two conceived children together, you would have to be in each other's life forever.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

One suggestion -- do NOT just "give" him the house. It is a joint asset -- either he buys out your half, or you sell it and you split the proceeds.
I agree -- there is someone else he is involved with.


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## laura00 (2 mo ago)

laura00 said:


> Hello! I am new here, new to everything I guess. Just want to get my story out there, maybe get some help and support if anyone can.
> 
> On Halloween, my husband sent me a text while he was at work that we “weren’t working out” and he thought we got married too soon. I didn’t know what to do. The next three days, things were normal, he was telling me he loved me, things weren’t out of the ordinary. Then I was out to dinner with some friends on Friday, and he texted me again. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. Sorry.” That’s all it said. And suddenly our marriage was over.
> 
> ...


Update: He was cheating. With multiple women. I am both shocked and unsurprised at the same time.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

laura00 said:


> Update: He was cheating. With multiple women. I am both shocked and unsurprised at the same time.


Now DEFINITELY do NOT give him the house. Make sure it is split down the middle.
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you, but he obviously has a major character flaw to do this to you.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Sorry to hear your additional news but it must surely make any definitive decision about your marriage a lot easier.

Personally, I would not seek out any further details or allow him to hurt me by letting him give more graphic information.

I would go no contact for anything not directly related to the divorce and get it done as quickly and smoothly as possible. You are so well rid of this rather inconsequential, little man


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

laura00 said:


> Update: He was cheating. With multiple women. I am both shocked and unsurprised at the same time.


Please cut him off. No contact. You are amazing and are way to good for him. He’s flawed. He’s got issues. Thank goodness you know now. He’s a piece of ****


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Why are you unsurprised? Get good appraisal and tell him you’re getting half. He’s crap.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

laura00 said:


> Update: He was cheating. With multiple women. I am both shocked and unsurprised at the same time.


Really sorry to hear this @laura00. He had those red flags but there’s always a chance that TAM is wrong.

So what next for you?

I would suggest getting to a lawyer _fast_. And I would raise the question about your living arrangement because with you leaving the house, that may have ramifications. Check with legal asap!

Let your husband go. It’s now clear exactly who he is and what he’s done to your marriage. Rid yourself of that destructive broken man.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Wanted to say… he’s saying he’s done. When $ comes into play he may fake remorse. Don’t fall for it. 5 years. That’s very sad.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

laura00 said:


> Update: He was cheating. With multiple women. I am both shocked and unsurprised at the same time.


You are SO lucky to have found out!!! This could have dragged on for a while. You have time. Get moving.


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