# Wife thinks sex has no emotion



## matman (Aug 26, 2011)

My wife has told me in the past that she has sex with me and believes most couples do because it feels good and that's it. As if it's purely animal instinct. I tie a lot of feelings to sex and feel very close to my wife when we do and consider it an extension of my love for her. Recently we had sex and I felt it was very passionate and expressed a lot of love. She told me last night that we were just "****ing" and that it was not about love. She quoted some things like "We did it on the floor, how is that making love?" to me we ended up there because we couldn't even make it to the bedroom. If that's not passion and love I don't know what is. It seems there is some issue going on here. 

She's told me since she was sexually active she's used it to feel companionship. Now I've been a piece of **** in our marriage and have cheated (with porn and chatting never actually having sex with anyone) but that was all almost 3 years ago. I am desperate to rebuild a real sexual relationship with my wife but have recently started to wonder if we ever did or if it was just about "feeling good for her"

Any insights or ideas?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I'm sorry that it made you feel cheap... that's not a good feeling!

I personally have noticed myself in the past that sometimes it's about passion, and sometimes it's about an emotional connection. 
For probably both men and women. Her defintion of of it was different than yours, and she could take a lesson from that.

It's possible she has never really experienced making love, as she sees it. Ask her what it means to her. And then do it. 
She might have a romantic mindset about this. Anything less than the rose petals on the bed and everything else out of a romance novel or movie is just doing it to her.


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## matman (Aug 26, 2011)

I get the feeling it's more messed up than that. I asked her and said what is the difference? is it because we weren't in the bed? or what? she couldn't answer me. I think she doesn't want to because I have let her down so much. She calls me names and then gets mad that I don't have much confidence. Last night she said "why don't you go sleep with a bunch of people and gain some bedroom confidence and then come back, maybe that will help" She also said "I really need and want sex" but I am not ok with it just being for pleasure. Perhaps this was immature (I was very upset ) but I said to go do the same thing or buy a vibrator if orgasms are all you want.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Okay, well, some men view it as a bonding experience, always.
Some women don't, always. Sometimes it's just about getting it on. 
I can agree with this, from a personal point of view. I know that sounds harsh, but I would also say the same thing your wife did (although I wouldn't say it out loud and hurt someone's feelings).

The difference here? I would never ever say it was just ******because I'm smart enough to pick up on cues that my partner is getting emotional love out of the experience. 

She is calling you out on this, saying you are not able to just have a physical encounter, it was all about emotion. That's pretty rude and low to do to a guy. She calls you names? Wow. 

How long have you been married, how old are you?


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## matman (Aug 26, 2011)

Well I have no interest in her if she treats it that way. I am 27 married 5 years. Young I know but still I'm mature enough to try and figure this out. I resolved it last night and came to the decision that we just will be one of those couples that doesn't have a sexy life. That's just reality.


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## Loveher (Oct 15, 2011)

sounds like she wants a deeper connection with you. More eye contact, more quality time, more kissing, be her best friend and lover. It does sound like your just having hot sex with her. Tantric practices build strong bonds, they are not just about the positions. Orgasm isn't the goal. Closeness is.


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