# Divorce seems imminent, not sure what to do!



## SongsAboutJane (Sep 24, 2013)

wife asked me if I was happy, and I could not answer her. I don't know why. Actually I do. Her mediocrity towards life and our relationship has put a strain on me. My acceptance of her mediocrity makes her mad. I felt at times that I should push her as a man should push his wife to better herself. I told her I will always push her. I can't just live ideally with someone next to me and be in acceptance of all their actions. I have to push. She started crying soon after. I told her I would be happy if she was happy. She said one person can't make another happy.

She recently quit school, then quit work. She is now a stay at home mom. She's been lax about that and I've been pushing her to get more done, but that just turned into a nasty fight. She told me as with sex, she doesn't want to be pushed in life. That I should accept her. She wants no stress. That everyone, from her mother, to family, to me, we all stress her. wife is at a point in her life where she doesn't have any drive for anything. she says she is happy, but right now she is at a point where she is just living day to day. she feels blah. 

We don't have sex anymore unless its that one day a month that her body tells her. I don't push her anymore. She says she loves me and desires me, and loves sex once it is started. last month right before her period she asked if I wanted a quicky considering weeks went by, i told her I don't want to cum just to cum. I would want to if she desired it, she said she wasn't in the mood. 

I can't touch her. My touch does not bring her arousal. Penetration is difficult. We haven't had penetration sex in over two month. We had sex the other day, but it was all topical stimulation, she locks her legs so i cant force myself in. she doesn't want anything by force. When I do get in, her pubic muscles try to push me out until about a good 10 minutes of stimulation, then her body finally gives in.

Last time I experienced this blockage was in college after a girl friend started dating someone else and she soon broke up with me. 

She is going away to see her family soon. She will be going to her old neighborhood. I used to be really jealous so I would go thru her stuff. Everytime I would question her, I would be the bad guy for going thru her stuff. I don't do that anymore. She has been talking to an old friend that she told me once that she liked, but her mother got in the way of a relationship starting. Every once in a while she would show me her phone and I would see friendly flirting with this other guy before she would change the screen. Flirting like "Hi honey" "how are you doing love" I haven't said anything as of yet.

She has already booked her flight. I was a click away from buying my flight before asking her when I chose not to. She has not asked me to go especially when I told her I didn't want her going because of the expense. We recently came back from an expensive vacation that included her family. I'm wondering if I should let her go on her own. I want her to find happiness even if it is not with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SongsAboutJane (Sep 24, 2013)

Just had a chat after I walked out the door this morning:

Her: Are you mad?
Me: No
Her: You barely talked. But it's OK
Me: Ok
Her: Have a good day my love
Me: You too

I came back home. I need to talk to her. Sitting her for a bit, pondering what I am going to say.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Based on your post you come across a little like a controlling daddy figure. This is not good for a marriage; is there any merit to that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Does she talk about divorce?


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## SongsAboutJane (Sep 24, 2013)

I've been passive for the last 7 years. I've let her make every decision in our marriage. She has made many decisions and I never provided input. So passive that at I accepted her having a relationship at one point. I was hoping this would spice up our relationship, but now I see that she was hoping I would make the decision to stop it. I thought recently that I need to stop being so passive. We went to marriage counseling once and the therapist was concerned that I was too passive. She advised that I need to find my purpose in life. I've been voicing my opinion more and standing by my decisions. Reading up and trying to be more Alpha. But you are right, maybe she sees me as a Dad and not as her husband.


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## SongsAboutJane (Sep 24, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Does she talk about divorce?


No she does not. She never has. But I feel like she is wanting me to make that decision.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Try pulling the same type of stuff and see what she says.

Try quitting your job and telling her she needs to accept you as you are.
Try not paying the bills and telling her she needs to accept you as you are.
Try going out drinking until 4am and telling her she needs to accept you as you are.


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## SongsAboutJane (Sep 24, 2013)

wilderness said:


> Try pulling the same type of stuff and see what she says.
> 
> Try quitting your job and telling her she needs to accept you as you are.
> Try not paying the bills and telling her she needs to accept you as you are.
> Try going out drinking until 4am and telling her she needs to accept you as you are.



I don't see how being destructive is going to help.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

SongsAboutJane said:


> I don't see how being destructive is going to help.


Better than passively watching the train leave the station, imo.


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## SongsAboutJane (Sep 24, 2013)

LnghrnFan said:


> Have you considered counseling? It sounds like your wife has gone through a lot of change lately, and it's affecting her. It may not be about your marriage...it may just be about her. If she has the opportunity to speak to a trained therapist, it might really help. But I think the two of you need to see one also. Don't give up on your marriage so easily! Good luck


I suggested it, but she doesn't want to.


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