# Shutting family off



## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

We've been separated for 3.5 months. I've got an apartment and he's still living in the house. We've sold the house and he'll be moving into an apartment near me in January. We're getting along fine, like friends, not discussing the issues that brought our marriage to its knees, but rather discussing our own individual issues: ones we're seeing separate counsellors for. This is progress. There is a chance for a reconciliation, and we're just getting by on a day to day basis, until we're ready to move on to marriage counselling _together._

All this is good. I am feeling much more relaxed and working on not numbing myself to the world around me. But there is a fly in the ointment. My sister, her husband and their 2 daughters (10 and 11) have moved in with my mother temporarily. My sister and my mother have issues with each other and my mother keeps venting it to me, knowing full well that 1) I have my own very big problems to deal with, and 2) when she tells me things about them, I get angry. Such as my sister's husband not letting my mother watch her own television because he doesn't want the girls to watch television. My H and I bought that TV for mother's day this year, and Mum knows it upsets me to tell me these things, yet she continues to do it, despite my protests and very specific requests not to mention any of these things to me. 

On top of this, my sister has been interfering with my break up, asking "isn't there anything we can do to get you back together?" to which I responded "what's this 'we' you talk of? I married him, not you. You must stay right out of this!" Then, H tells me he was on Facebook one day and my sister chatted with him, telling him the she'd just been chatting with one of his friends about H's chances with the 'chickibabes'. H said a flat out "NO". Do not go there. Eventually she said "well, I hope you can work it out." My own sister!

I'm stuck now. I do not want any dealings with my mother or my sister, as they are both causing me much pain in their own different ways. I am avoiding them. I do not have my home phone on so nobody can call me unless it's on the mobile. I do not want to tell my sister anything about how things are going with H now, because she twists what I say and it ends up back at him. Eg. she told his friend that I told her there would never ever be any chance of a reconciliation and H should just move on. She also told H that I went out for dinner with a man from my past who H is jealous of. It's true. I did. He is my friend, nothing more. We had an 'extented friendship' for 4 months with this person well before I met H and we became good friends. It's none of his business, nor is it any right of my sister's to tell him about my social movements. 

Maybe I'm just venting. I just do not know what to do about my family. They are causing such negativity in my life right now and making it very difficult to focus on the big issues I need to focus on.


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