# Different approach......what do you think ???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Please, please, please tell me what you think about this.....

Ok....I'm a little (just a little) calmer now....

I've read all about the exposing thing and I was thinking....

I do not have time to dig deeper about the affair and if he doesn't find the paper signed tomorrow morning I'm sure he's going to "change his tactics" whatever that means.....but being a non-us citizen I'm not crazy about finding out.....

Here's my thought....

What if I call him and say.....I will sign the paper if you show me the last 3 months phone records.....because I'm almost positive it's not a PA but an EA and should be visible through the phone records.....

If his response is no, I will tell him that I know about his affair and if he can't show me the records I will not sign and the court can order copies of the records....meaning it will be a divorce battle....meaning he will likely walk away with way more to pay than what he's been willing to pay me in support......

If he says yes, then his conscience is probably clear....I will still check the records though....

If he refuses and I tell him the court will have to order the records then there could be the possibility of him feeling busted and that might change the whole game into a positive thing for me....

What do you think ???


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

Might work for what you want, I say try it. I hope it will help you some how. Let us know what happens with it. I will pray for you so you can have some peace.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> Please, please, please tell me what you think about this.....
> 
> Ok....I'm a little (just a little) calmer now....
> 
> ...


I think regardless of cheating or not you should get proper legal counsel and get what you are entitled to for your future and future of your children. Also, I used to be a police dispatcher and it wasn't uncommon for officers to take 'ride-a-longs' with them and cheat while on duty. Pretty high rate of infidelity amongst police officers. Lots of police officer/dispatcher affairs too. Very sorry you're going through this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

wolf359 said:


> Might work for what you want, I say try it. I hope it will help you some how. Let us know what happens with it. I will pray for you so you can have some peace.


Thanks Wolf......I'm still debating....

I will start out tomorrow by telling him I haven't signed it because I don't understand what it means in people English.....

He will say "I told you what it means.....you know you can trust me....blah, blah, blah" but I will request to have my lawyer look at it before I sign anything......

I'll go from there....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> I think regardless of cheating or not you should get proper legal counsel and get what you are entitled to for your future and future of your children. I will do that....I will tell him I have to get it approved by my attorney first..... Also, I used to be a police dispatcher and it wasn't uncommon for officers to take 'ride-a-longs' with them and cheat while on duty.  He was begging me to go for a ride-a-long....I was too chicken....how in the world do they do it on duty ???? Pretty high rate of infidelity amongst police officers. I can see that.....they have the same job and understand each other....the know how it feels whereas I don't ..... Lots of police officer/dispatcher affairs too. That was my first thought too and I'm still thinking it....although he always told me all the officers there are males or like ***** :scratchhead:..... Very sorry you're going through this!
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know he's been under a ton of stress his whole life (24 years of Army and now a PO) and I haven't been the most supportive.....but damn, I always have been faithful to him and always loved him and unfortunately still do.....well, that man I married that comes out some times....not the one that wants to divorce me....


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

He's counting on your love and loyalty to take advantage of you financially. I hope either he sees the light and you get your marriage back or you get strength and find happiness without him.
As far as cheating while on duty, officers would pick up their 'dates' go for drive in the country and be creative. For every 'dog' their are decent family oriented officers who respected their marriages and spouses and decent dispatchers who didn't fall for the smooth talking ones either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> He's counting on your love and loyalty to take advantage of you financially. I hope either he sees the light and you get your marriage back or you get strength and find happiness without him.
> As far as cheating while on duty, officers would pick up their 'dates' go for drive in the country and be creative. For every 'dog' their are decent family oriented officers who respected their marriages and spouses and decent dispatchers who didn't fall for the smooth talking ones either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's been married before and taken to the cleaners.....

He's worked hard to get where he is now financially and he deserves it too, but I deserve not to be screwed and I will not let it happen....

My husband used to be a decent family oriented guy.....and now.....I don't know what he is anymore....definitely not the man I loved......


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

I am not sure what the legal issues are in the US, but isn't there a way to stall this process? If you still want to work on the marriage then do everything you can to slow the divorce down. 

Contest everything and sign nothing.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Don't do anything without consulting an attorney. Trust me; that will slow a divorce down. It will move at a snail's pace if you each have an attorney. lol


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

I wouldn't confront him...You're going to make things worse. You have no solid proof and you are complicating the situation and driving yourself insane. Remember, our emotions are CRAZY, we will grab at anything to give us answers. WAIT!
You have to remember what I told you. 
Please, Don't sign the papers, get an attorney.
Look for "red flags".. If he is having an affair,They are there, trust me. We are so blinded by love we don't see or want to see the obvious.
Make an appointment with an attorney, call and ask for a free consultation.

Right now your husband has "all the marbles" you need to take some of that back.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I will be calling a PI today to see if he can get me the passwords off his computer.....then I will print out the phone records or everything else I can find, copy and save it....

I will not tell him that I know.....

I will give him his divorce....I'm feeling so much hate and resentment for him right now, there is no way I want him back !!!! (at least not for a while).....

Once the divorce has been signed and is final I will tell him what I know and what I think about him.....

I will also still work on myself.....get my degree, save money (which should be a piece of cake once he has to pay me alimony and child support and such) and will get that hot body I've had before.....

Once his skank has had enough of him and figured out his quirks and moods I'm sure he will feel regret....

And then I will make it even harder for him by being so nice and sweet and sexy that he'll resent himself for what he's done :lol: !!!!

Karma is a ***** !!!!!!


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> I will give him his divorce....I'm feeling so much hate and resentment for him right now, there is no way I want him back !!!! (at least not for a while).....
> 
> !


Give it a couple of months. What is the hurry? Go and see a friend or a family member for a while and only move when you are a better state. Please.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> I will give him his divorce....I'm feeling so much hate and resentment for him right now, there is no way I want him back !!!! (at least not for a while).....


Do NOTHING based upon how you feel - ever! When you make a decision, do it based upon information and careful thought. Doing something when you are angry, or sad, or any other emotional state, will end up biting you when you least expect it. 

You can easily delay a divorce, if that is what you want, by refusing to sign anything, by waiting until the very last moment to sign any _legally necessary_ forms, and yes, by retaining an attorney, whose job is comprised of creating billable hours to fill out paperwork. The more hours the more money earned! 

Wait until you are thinking calmly to decide on how to approach your marriage. Just experience your emotions - they will happen regardless.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

jamesa said:


> Give it a couple of months. What is the hurry? Go and see a friend or a family member for a while and only move when you are a better state. Please.


Unfortunately I don't have that time....

He's already filed and the deadline is coming up.....he's set on divorce and if I don't sign as far as I read into it, he can get the divorce anyway....TX is a no fault state.....

And anyway....I can't fight anymore....

He's made it clear he's done....he's got someone else on hand and he knows she won't be waiting forever.....

He's very stubborn and I know there's no way of getting him out of his fog now or anytime soon....

I've done all I can and now he needs to figure it out on his own that he's making the biggest mistake of his life.....

When I finally move out I will give him a family pack of condoms and money for regular aids tests as a gift !!!! :lol:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I cannot and I mean cannot stress to you enough that you need to have a lawyer on your side. This man is trying to goose step around his responsibilities by bullying you in to submission. He is counting on the fact that you are heartbroken and a wreck right now and would do "anything" to make him happy. He is using you to his FULL advantage.
You need somebody on your side who will bully him right in to a corner. Lawyers are very good at that.
If you installed keylogger, you'd know those passwords. Costs about $80. Alot cheaper than a PI.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Brennan said:


> I cannot and I mean cannot stress to you enough that you need to have a lawyer on your side. This man is trying to goose step around his responsibilities by bullying you in to submission. He is counting on the fact that you are heartbroken and a wreck right now and would do "anything" to make him happy. He is using you to his FULL advantage.
> You need somebody on your side who will bully him right in to a corner. Lawyers are very good at that.
> If you installed keylogger, you'd know those passwords. Costs about $80. Alot cheaper than a PI.


I understand.....my best friend is going through a battle with her ex for 5 years now and I see how much she's suffering from it....ulcers, kidney stones, weighs only 105 lbs at 5' 6"......

I don't want this divorce (well maybe now I do) but I know it will happen....no matter what....

I am a German citizen and I do have less rights here than him....I'm sure...

I could fight him and take him to the cleaners, but I won't.....not for my sanity and not for the kids sake.....

We will have to have a relationship for the boys for the rest of our lives and I can't spend it fighting with him.....

I am well taken care of financially according to the decree....

This one paper is what's bothering me because I don't understand the wording.....

Anyway.....my friends lawyer will look at it and then I will sign it.....but I will still not give up on busting him......

I wish he would just tell me himself, but he won't .....

Brennan.....I am scared that his antivirus software will pick up on the keylogger thing.....

If I'd have the certainty that this won't happen and I'm safe snooping around I would take your offer.....but he can't EVER find out about it.....


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

What are you so afraid of? I get the feeling you are emotionally abused. Do anything, give up anything, swallow whatever just to keep the peace. At the cost of YOU! Why is being friendly so important? Why is it you worrying about keeping things civil and he's not? If he's blocked all you access to records, emails and passwords etc., that's fine but you snooping is what? Something that will make him do what? Are you willing to accept whatever he throws your way for what??? In hopes he changes his mind??? Why don't you have time? Why do you have to sign because he says so? Why not when you want? He has you so controlled that you think you ruined everything by staying home from a movie? Honestly in a year or two when you look back, you'll think he did you the biggest favor ever!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> What are you so afraid of? I get the feeling you are emotionally abused. Not abused but definitely cheated..... Do anything, give up anything, swallow whatever just to keep the peace. At the cost of YOU! Why is being friendly so important? Why is it you worrying about keeping things civil and he's not? If he's blocked all you access to records, emails and passwords etc., that's fine but you snooping is what? Something that will make him do what? Maybe it would make him reconsider his "offer"..... Are you willing to accept whatever he throws your way for what??? In hopes he changes his mind??? Why don't you have time? Why do you have to sign because he says so? Why not when you want? He has you so controlled that you think you ruined everything by staying home from a movie? Honestly in a year or two when you look back, you'll think he did you the biggest favor ever!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I don't think I've ruined anything because of the movie anymore....that was before I found f***ing pics of a half naked chick on his computer......


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I've texted him saying that I will sign the paper if he tells me exactly (!!!) what I'm signing.....

He texted me not a minute after all the points and he ended it with "I have been through and endured many things in my life and I am weary with the struggle....."

And I responded "You know that's not the only reason. I know about her!".....

That was an hour ago and I still don't have a response.....usually he answers with "What, one of my 87 affairs ???".....

But now, nothing.....

I texted that I still don't want to take him to the cleaners or take him for all he's got but he needs to stop lying just so I will sign this agreement.....


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

It's not too late to change your mind, get a lawyer, please and don't sign.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

jamesa said:


> It's not too late to change your mind, get a lawyer, please and don't sign.


:iagree: Please!

I've been in your shoes--you are not in the right frame of mind to sign anything at this point. If nothing else, use the three day rule. Make no decision about this and do nothing for three days--in essence "sleep on it".


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