# 20 years I recall the vow saying till death do us part



## learningtoliveagain (Mar 28, 2014)

Separated confused vulnerable and facing the fact I have been failed.
Excepting the truth can be daunting. To conclude for 20 years of marriage and love is gone it is over. Now I must come to terms of what never was ( love) will be my reality. My battle is not find peace in an ending marriage. my war will to be letting go of what never existed. Regaining a faith that love is possible. love is real , love is shared ,love does exist and believing I deserve it.
I feel like the fog follows me. it shadows me. I need support.
I want to share. I want to help others feeling like myself.
I took a leap by joining I pray I've done the right thing


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## myfutureisgone (Mar 4, 2014)

I am sorry to hear that you too are lost in this darkness. 
Why do you say the love wasn't real? Did you not love your spouse? Even one sided love is love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

learningtoliveagain said:


> Separated confused vulnerable and facing the fact I have been failed.
> Excepting the truth can be daunting. To conclude for 20 years of marriage and love is gone it is over. Now I must come to terms of what never was ( love) will be my reality. My battle is not find peace in an ending marriage. my war will to be letting go of what never existed. Regaining a faith that love is possible. love is real , love is shared ,love does exist and believing I deserve it.
> I feel like the fog follows me. it shadows me. I need support.
> I want to share. I want to help others feeling like myself.
> I took a leap by joining I pray I've done the right thing


I find this very sad. I would have done anything to save my marriage. Was this due to lack of love, abuse, what do you believe destroyed your marriage?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Learningtolive-

You will get through this... I am in the same place as you... My wife and I have been together for over 20 years now. The love I thought we had wasn't real... On some level, it was...So I try to focus on the good we have.

Till death do us part?

For better or for worse?

How bad does it have to get before it destroys the confidence of each other?


Inside, I feel like a part of me has died...My wife may feel the same...


The hard part is knowing when to let go...For most people, this is the most devastating time in ones life. TAM will give you the support to get you through this time...

My thoughts are with you...


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## HikingZion (Mar 28, 2014)

Can I gently suggest some reframing? Yes, the end of a marriage is very painful, but it doesn't mean that there was never any love at all, or that the whole thing was just an illusion. Thinking of it that way is just going to make it harder on you, and it's hard enough all by itself.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

till death do us part - But death of what?? 

Death of a marriage, death of respect, death of love, death of trust. 

I like you had a very hard time accepting what was happening. Please know that this is a good place to vent, spy and read. Each day gets stronger and after almost 3 years of separation, grief, acceptance, divorce process I am finally at the end of the journey with final judgement hearing set. After 18 yr marriage, I have accepted the end of marriage, own my mistakes and am trying to maintain an amicable communication with exH. 

It will get better. I promise!


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I get it. The love that you thought you had was just an illusion. I soooo get it. But, that was then...and there were some very good things that came out of it. Mainly, my two children.

So, I second the reframing.

I now have the freedom and power to create the life I want...to live an authentic life that is not simply a mirage. I have the opportunity to build new friendships and yes, love eventually, with people who add value to my life. I now have the chance to develop a relationship that is supportive and two sided; one that is healing, challenging, and rewarding on every level. I also now have the opportunity to discover my depths and strengths, to challenge myself in a way that I have never done. I have the opportunity to fall in love...with myself.

Peace.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Yes, yes, yes on the reframing. 

My 20 year marriage is ending, too. I am crushed and sad and angry and still love him very much. But I know that we had good times. We came together for a reason, and for a time, we made each other happy. Even when things got bad, I can look back and see some good in places. It really helps to spend time reflecting on those things. 

There are no mistakes in life. Just preparation for what is coming next.


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