# My neighbor...want to stop, but finding it difficult



## jay11525 (Jul 9, 2013)

A little bit of background: I’m 46, married to my wife for 13 years (together for 16 years), have two boys, and live in the suburbs of New York City. We would be described as the all-American, white family.

I never thought I would be the type to cheat, let alone stupid enough to do it in my own home, but here I am. I feel incredibly guilty and horrible for doing this to my wife, but I don’t know how to stop. This started at the end of March; she had a big, time consuming project come up at work. She’s been putting in long days, working at home on the weekends, and spending relatively no time with the boys and myself. I was fine with her crazy hours for the first two weeks, but then it started to tell on her/us. She’s easily frustrated, always exhausted (which I understand) and the sex has stopped. I told myself it would just be for a short while, things would go back to normal...

This is the time when my neighbor started bringing her kids over in the evenings (when she found out my wife was working late everyday, she started bringing her kids for play dates every evening) before my wife or her husband came home from work. It’s not an excuse or even a reason for what I’m doing, but she’s an incredibly attractive Colombian woman. She’s 38, petite and very charismatic. I really didn’t think she had any interest in me, I’m a typical looking, middle aged white guy…in good shape, slightly soft around the middle and starting to bald but take good care of my appearance.

After three weeks of her coming around everyday and us getting to know each other better, she made her move. We were standing around in my kitchen, just having coffee. For whatever stupid reason, I said I had needs as a man and they weren’t being met with my wife’s schedule. My neighbor put her cup down and somehow we kissed. I completely stopped thinking with my brain. I took her hand and we practically ran upstairs (I wasn’t even thinking about all our kids playing in my den). It didn't last very long; after we finished, reality started to set in and I felt the guilt start to creep in. Awkwardly, we both dressed and went back downstairs. The kids were so into their games, they hadn’t even noticed we weren’t around. She went home and I took a shower and tried to compose myself before my wife came home.

In bed that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had done. I kept telling myself it couldn’t happen again, wasn’t fair to my wife and that’s not the guy I want to be. I chalked it up to letting myself get caught up in a moment of weakness.

I’ll admit it; I’m weaker than I thought. The neighbor came over the next day and we spent an even longer time in bed and now it’s been going on for almost two months. I don’t know how to explain it other than we have a very intense, sexual connection. As horrible as it sounds, the deadlines for my wife’s projects keep getting pushed back and I hope they get pushed back some more. My wife isn’t working as late as she used to and she’s free on the weekends now, but it stills leaves plenty of time for the neighbor and me to have our fun at least three or four times a week. My kids and her kids are happy that they get to play almost every afternoon and we’re happy for the playtime we have together. It’s risky doing it in my house, but that’s half the excitement. I keep thinking the sex will fizzle out, but it’s just as intense as the first time. Neither one of us has intentions of leaving our spouses.

I keep trying to justify to myself that my wife or her husband won't find out and it's only sex. I've tried to cut it off before, but the neighbor has a way of talking me into it every time.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Hmmmm,so what are you going to do about! are you a man or a weak child who can't advoid temptation?

this is your family man! you might have thrown it all away because of poor moral charachater.

think how your life will be when your children find out you were banging the neighbor.


you need to come clean with your wife and face the music. 


a thought just creep into my mind. is it possible your wife is cheating ....working late all the time. loss interest in sex . project keeps getting pushed back. red flags.

wouldn't that be a kick in the A$$. 

nevertheless I think you need to decide if you want to save your marriage or continue to be a sorry a$$ cheater who would risk the happiness of his family for a peice of columbian pu$$y.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

You should move neighborhood and quickly.

this reminds me of an episode in Mad Men in the latest series (just finished on TV). Peter Campbell decides to have an affair with a woman in the neighborhood.

One night this woman comes over completely beat up. His wife is a real trooper finding a hotel room for her.... and the next morning asks for a divorce. She said essentially, he could have at least had his fun further away from home.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your joking right? Chalking it up to being caught in the moment? Does that make it okay? Is it okay that this is only a "sexual" experience? I think NOT!

Quit trying to justify your poor decisions and tell your wife the truth. She is out busting her a$$ at work paying the bills and your sleeping around on her. How can you live with your selfish self?


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Please find a baby sitter it's disgusting how you both cheat with the kids in the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Is this serious? If so you need to do a few things:

1) Drop down through a few forums and scan through the Coping With Infidelity forum and read for several hours. Absorb the heartbreak, the loss, the agony cheaters inflict on their families, their spouses, and even themselves. You are now part of their world.

2) Break it off. Doesn't matter how but you cannot be near this woman again. Ever.

3) Get tested for STDs. I don't care if she looks "clean;" she slept with a man she knew was married. How trustworthy can she be?

4) If you have an iota of respect left for your wife, allow her the choice of what she wants to do with her life z in other words, if she wants to stay with a cheater and betrayer. For me, this is not even a matter of you facing your consequences. It is a matter of caring enough about the person you are supposed to put ahead of all others to decide for herself. People can recover from affairs with a lot of work but right now, you are just stealing from your wife the one thing she can never get back: years of her life.

For diverse reasons, I expect this will fall on deaf ears. If you take it heart, I'll simply add: Good luck, buddy. You are going to need it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Please find a baby sitter it's disgusting how you both cheat with the kids in the house.


:iagree:

But I have heard stories like this before.
It all comes down to non existent marital and personal boundaries.
That's why I'm a stickler for strong boundaries.

People like to delude themselves into thinking that they are strong and infallible. No such thing exist, we're only human.

OP,
The only option available to you is to tell your wife and throw yourself at her mercy.
Everything else after that, is totally up to her.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm reading here that it's your W's fault because she's been too absorbed with her work, and your neighbour's fault because she has "a way" of talking you into things...

Time to take responsibility, OP, and stop looking for excuses for _your_ actions. Address the issues in your marriage (your infidelitiy, the hours your W works and the lack of intimacy), get some strong, healthy marital boundaries in place and kick the neighbour to the kerb.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> But I have heard stories like this before.
> It all comes down to non existent marital and personal boundaries.
> ...



People like to delude themselves into believing that everyone knows how to behave in all these life's situations. 

Those who were taught that boundaries and personal preferences were okay are the only ones who will survive these types of situations.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Do you have a question for us? Or are you just bragging about banging the hot Colombian MILF next door?


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I for one sympathize somewhat with you.

I don't know how many men, who are cut off from sex, affection and love from their wife, are capable of resisting a sexual advance from beautiful, younger woman.

Double standard? Mabye, but I think in life are set up where men pursue sex and women "give up" sex... So when sex is "dropped in your lap" as a man it would be hard to resist... And on top of that wife is making him feel lonely and rejected...Who among us are "strong enough" to resist that? I don't know if I am.

But I do know that I don't put myself in situations where I could be tested!

Do you work?

You really have two choices here:
1. Recommit to your marriage, come clean to your wife, accept that your wife may or may not want to stay married to you. With this option you must sell your house, and agree to cease all contact with your affair partner immediately.
2. Start the process of divorcing your wife. Tell your wife why and encourage your affair partner to tell her husband.


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Your wife is working so hard for her family while you are doing this behind her back. You are a terrible husband. It will destroy your wife when she finds out.

Maybe the Colombian milf's husband finds out first and pays you a nice visit.


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

When you mess with another man's wife you should be prepared for every outcome. That may include him taking out his shotgun and putting holes in you, your wife and your kids if he's the sort that can turn extremely violent. Good luck.


----------



## 4sakenallothers (Feb 28, 2012)

Sounds like you two deserve eachother. Do your spouses a favor and set them free. With your children in the house smh .......


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Wow, I am hoping this isn't for real. If it is then you are a real sorry piece of work - risking destroying two families and all the children's childhoods. I find myself hoping her husband and/or your wife come home early and bust the pair of you.

It's only a matter of time before one of the children innocently slip and mention dad wasn't around when little sibling did something cause he was making noises upstairs with Mrs. Neighbor lady - like they do all the time.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Why were you telling another woman about your "needs" not being met? That's a come on. 

You started it; she was willing to "help you out." Of your marriage, that is. 

Come on, dude, it's just another pvssy. Give it the fvck up already. 

Are you trying to figure out how to tell your wife? I'll tell her for ya...


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Ok. You want to stop but can't quite figure out how. 

Step 1: dry your d!ck off
Step 2: next time you see Ms. Columbia, don't stick your d!ck into her
Step 3: repeat step 2​There, now, see? All better.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I don't think there is anything I can say to the original poster. He is just going to have to learn things the hard way.

For everyone else, be mindful of play dates with opposite sex parents. There are a lot of stay at home dads these days. Its *not* the same as working at an office with someone. Hanging out in each other's homes is a more intimate experience. I was very naive about what gets discussed between opposite sex parents during play dates. It is very easy for something to happen because its not a situation that most people see as dangerous. There are kids around right. What could possibly happen?


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Perhaps this OW's husband finds out you've been banging his wife in his children's presence and gives you a Colombian Neck Tie. Problem solved.

You are a lowly human being.


----------



## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

"Say hello to my little friend" was the 1st thing that popped into my head. If her H is Columbian also there is a real possibility of you disappearing, things are different down there.


----------

