# On the other side of the world and don't know what to do.



## kevin.h (Jul 3, 2011)

Hello everyone. My name is Kevin. I am from Kentucky but I joined the Marine Corps 2 years ago and I am currently deployed to Afghanistan. I have a month left, give or take. I will be home so soon but not soon enough. This whole thing is a very, very long story. My wife Megan, who I love very much, has cheated on me. She admitted to it and I have information on the whole thing. My neighbors think they're secret agents or something and got the guys license plate and whatnot. The man she had sex with is no longer at my duty station in the states. He is in Alaska, because he got out of the Marine Corps which is good because he is no Marine, he is married as well. My wife was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder. She tends to blame it on that which I don't believe but at the same time she is deeply sorry and I can tell. She went to the hospital after she broke down and went a little crazy over the whole thing. She was at the mental hospital for about a week. She has also gotten three tattoos and a lip piercing, which I detest. All this crap is happening while I'm in Afghanistan and I'm helpless. I selflessly volunteered for this while she stays at home with her friends. We have a daughter. She is absolutely wonderful. I want to stay married to my wife, not just because of my daughter, but because I really do love her. I've known her for 6 years, we've been married for 2. We moved to Kentucky and were highschool sweethearts. I moved from Florida, she moved from Australia. She is so unique in every way. Not because she is from another country, I've been to many including Australia. I know I will never find another Megan. Before Afghanistan, I was not the greatest husband. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with my wife or daughter. When I left for Afghanistan, everything changed. Out here it's different. I can't explain it to you and no one but the people who have been here will ever know. I appreciate life like I never have before. I miss my wife and my daughter more than I've ever missed anything. They are on my mind 24/7. I don't have a second in the day with them not on my mind. But my wife, she is turning into something else. Like I said before with the cheating, piercings, tattoos. And I have never been so open and loving to her, but now she has turned into a total *****. She doesn't care what I go through, she seriously thinks her problems are worse back home. She gets to sleep in her bed, see our daughter, see her friends, go to the pool, go to the store, and not to mention she has a faithful husband that she doesn't have to worry about. She has only sympothy for herself. And she has now threatened me multiple times to leave me. At the half way mark things got a little better. But as I'm getting closer to coming home things are worse now and I can't do anything. I am helpless out here.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Kevin,
1st of all I want to thank so much for your service to our country
Thank you, thank you, thank you

I too am married to a cheating wife, and believe it or not you can't control them. Even living in the same house as my cheating wife she went out and did her thing. But what I did learn was you don't have to tolorate it and once I showed my cheating wife that I could move on and had the confidence to live a better life with out here she changed her tune.
It was like one minute my CW thinks I will do and take what ever she gives me, but I stopped all the begging and pleading and told her that I will work on my self for me to be a better me and if she wanted to come along then she need to recommit. And that I will not tolorate her behavior by hanging around, it was her choice to change and follow me, I was no longer going to follow her.

Once she heard the strength in my voice she know I was no longer the same man I once was. What my W heard was a confident man that was capable of moving on with out her. It all most seemed once I took her power over me she then started making healthier choices.

Granted I went for years being a yes man to her and allowing her to bahave the way she was behaving b/c of all the BS I did to her for so many years. Basicly she lost respect for me not only b/c of the way I treated her ,but what I allowed her to do.

Its was 17 month ago and I got my respect back, by letting my cheating wife go ...no begging, yelling, crying, pleading, just a simbly statement that I was no longer in control of my marriage and she can continue with her behavior and I will move on with out her. 

Today we are still together, she has recommited her self to the marriage and thanks me for standing up giving her this choice..making her reflect on some of the unhealthy choices she was making that would have lost me.


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## iwin (Jul 4, 2011)

I second the guy. I am a woman myself. And I believe that her cheating had no excuse. Once that happens in the marriage, there is no going back. I think you should move on. Get a divorce and start a new life. Don't take the baggage of this horrible experience with you. Just leave it behind. It has nothing to do with you. It is about her. I have a sister whose husband has been deployed 4 times. While he is gone she dedicates herself to God, her study and in the last year her son. Your being away or her mental condition are no excuse. It is one thing she goes into depression. Cheating is a whole different can of worms that you can save yourself from. Move on brother.


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