# Control Freak



## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

I have been married for 23 years and in the past few years I feel like my wife’s need to control me or be in control of us has gotten really bad. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? She want control of our money, my time or house ect. I don’t know if it has always been like this and I was just more willing to go along with it when I was younger or if it has gotten worse. As I have looked at what I feel like are the problems in our marriage I believe many of them steam from this need to control everything. Mabey I am a jerk and I am the problem. Has anyone been with a controlling person and how did you work threw it?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

OK so I looked at last February's Topic, Because you can't talk about this problem without understanding the money angle.

it is very easy to see a money problem as a control problem. You think she is in control because you feel out of control. This is your insecurity grasping for straws. You feel out of control because you are out of control. It is likely that, as your prior post indicates, she also feels out of control. You will feel more in control when you have some controls in your life.

Start with brakes and a steering wheel. Breaks are a budget, and a financial goal is a steering wheel. When you both have those controls firmly in your hands, you can stop grasping for control.

MN


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

That is very good advice, thank you.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> I have been married for 23 years and in the past few years I feel like my wife’s need to control me or be in control of us has gotten really bad. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? She want control of our money, my time or house ect. I don’t know if it has always been like this and I was just more willing to go along with it when I was younger or if it has gotten worse. As I have looked at what I feel like are the problems in our marriage I believe many of them steam from this need to control everything. Mabey I am a jerk and I am the problem. Has anyone been with a controlling person and how did you work threw it?


My husband and I have both been married before. My husband was married for almost 30 years to a woman who became increasingly controlling over time. Ultimately, he divorced her.

My husband isn't a pushover but he is a diplomat. He prefers not to argue and dislikes conflict. 

What he explained to me was that she was the type that had a vision of the perfect family in her head and expected everyone to play their roles. When they didn't dress the right way or say the right thing or conform to whatever idea she had in her head, she would criticize endlessly. Over time it became unbearable.

I think a lot of people with spouses like this just get worn down over time....controlling people are often relentless.

You have a right to your own time, opinions, and personal budget (within agreed upon reason) inside a marriage. And some level of individuality is very important. I think you might have to set some clear boundaries with her and make sure you put your foot down when she tries to cross them.


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

EnigmaGirl,thank you for your reply. I understand your husbands struggle. I don't want to fight but I am tired of the My Way Or The Highway attitude. Something you said gave me a thought, when my kids were little my wife dressed them all in matching clothes, now that she has less control over the kids i have to wounder if more of her need to control is being directed to me.


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