# Advice? LONG....



## sadone (Oct 26, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We got married young and started our family not to long after that. We now have 3 children. With my 2nd child I suffered severe postpartum depression and basically lost my mind and put my husband through hell for a few years. I am better now. We have had our ups and down and stuck together through it all. 

My husband hurt his knee on the job in july and is on workman's comp now, he had to have surgery on his knee and should be back to work soon (if they don't fire him) he has basically been home all the time, he doesn't go out and do anything so we are together alot. I really didn't think this was a problem however i did notice he started burying himself in his computer games more, so i believed he was becoming depressed. he is not open about his feelings with me very often, so i wasn't for sure.

Sunday after I came home from work he was acting cold and aloof at which point he told me he was done that he wasn't happy anymore. I was devastated. he told me mean stuff like he was only happy when i was at work, he didn't love me. He had just told me he loved me sat night! all the stuff he was saying just didn't seem right to me I thought our marriage was better than ever, he is very loving meets me at the door after i get off work, cuddles with me all the time, we talk, and i thought were very much in love. 

so fast forward to monday. I try to talk to him and he sits there but doesn't act like he's listening. an hour or so later he walks into the bedroom where i am and tells me he is so sorry that he loves me, and i make him happy and he was just stressed, he is crying when he says all this.i tell him i love him too but it's not fair to me to play this up and down, and rather than lashing out and saying he wants a divorce he should talk to me about his problems, we basically leave things like that so i can go get ready for work, before i leave for work he wants to talk he then tells me he is unhappy and wants a divorce.. 

WTH?? so then he starts acting aloof and cold to me barely talking to me, sleeping on the couch and he leaves and goes to his friends' house during the day and then comes home at night... he told me last night he was having fun with his friends and he didn't miss me at once during the day, I suggested maybe this was because we were spending so much time together lately..

I don't think he has a clear head but he won't talk to me... this just doesn't seem like him, it doesn't add up to me... we have had several conversations over the past few days where one min he's angry and tells me he's not happy and then he calms down and tells me he loves me, then tells me he's leaving again... his emotions seems to be all over the place....

i can't do this up down stuff but i love this man with all my heart, I want to crawl in a hole and die at this moment, i can't imagine my life without him, i have suggested counseling for both of us but he says no. when he is calm enough to talk to me has has some vaild points that i didn't know were a problem for him which i have told him i would gladly work on, he says no... he doesn't want me to change for him, and something about him pretending to be something he is not all these years.

i don't know what to do, right now we are both living in the same house because neither one of us can afford to leave. he says he wants to leave or wants me to, I am afraid he is depressed and angry and saying this because of his depression and his anger, not because he really means it. I have heard suggestions from friends saying not to do anything rash and just see what happens, maybe he is going through a midlife crisis early, or maybe he is really depressed... i just don't know.. he does have a habit of lashing out at me when he is stressed... i am very worried about him he looks awful is not sleeping or eating.....Any opinions?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Are you sure he's only playing computer games while on the computer? So much of his behavior, as described by you, sounds like he could be having an emotional affair (EA) via computer. Is he on Facebook or other social sites? 

I hope I'm wrong.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Not working or not being able to work can really mess with a man's mind. I can't tell you how many guys I've see crash and burn over this. If I were you, I would not accept this "I don't love you, I don't need you" [email protected] and I would tell him to quit saying it because it hurts and you don't like it. Respect him, support him, encourage him to share and let him know that saying these things is hurtful.


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## sadone (Oct 26, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Are you sure he's only playing computer games while on the computer? So much of his behavior, as described by you, sounds like he could be having an emotional affair (EA) via computer. Is he on Facebook or other social sites?
> 
> I hope I'm wrong.


Her too- He is on facebook but I have access to his account I know his password and he stays logged in on his computer all the time most of his friends on his list are coworkers or his family so i don't think that's it... most of the time when he is playing these games i am in the same room as him so i'm not worried it's an EA really.. He has told me he uses these games as an escape from his stress... Thanks for the advice though it is much appreciated!


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## sadone (Oct 26, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Not working or not being able to work can really mess with a man's mind. I can't tell you how many guys I've see crash and burn over this. If I were you, I would not accept this "I don't love you, I don't need you" [email protected] and I would tell him to quit saying it because it hurts and you don't like it. Respect him, support him, encourage him to share and let him know that saying these things is hurtful.


Yes this is my thought too, I really think he is feeling worthless and stressed and wish he would just talk to me about it, before he makes a huge mistake. I know we are truly in love and i don't want to lose that, but at this point he pushes me away when i try to talk to him or just leaves so it seems like it's useless to get through to him.. I've told him more times than i care to count that I would love for him to talk to me and how much I love him.... Since we are both stuck here essentially I guess I will just wait it out for a bit and see what happens... Thanks


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