# please HELPPP



## youngmother09 (Apr 21, 2010)

im 18 years old have a 1 year old got married a month after son was born to a 20 year old he joined army left for 8 months and now we live together far far away from home

he goes to work and feels it is my job to clean the whole house after he makes the biggest mess ever, alot, it looks like a tornado hit the place and theres a room dedicated to all his uniform and all our dirty laundry that i have only made a dent in doing because whenever i get some done he comes home with more dirty clothes ugh

and its my job to do all the dishes and he uses most of them

he wont help that much with the baby, wont change dirty diapers unless i help

makes a fuss over putting milk in a bottle and wont feed the baby

i feel so overwhelmed im only 18 and have so much responsibility now and our relationship is soooo not the same

we fight all the time, his favorite past time seems to be yelling at me

and on top of it
when he comes home from work he says do this do that do this do that... im like im tired too and hes like
"all you do is sit on your ass all day and play with the baby" UGH

and on top of it he does not show romance to me at all never mind emotion , nope none no emotion

its like he doesnt care or something but he is always saying, i love you to me and stuff but still, hearing it is nice but id like to feel the love, and im not talking about the bow chicka bow wow in the bedroom, that is not the problem but it is a problem too because whats the point when it doesnt last over three minutes anymore, it used to be great couldnt get enough now its like boom pow night ugh

i ask him to take the trash out it siits there for an additional 8 days after i asked him to do it it has already been sitting there for 3 i thought hed see it iand be like oh i gotta take the trash out, and he says to me why dont you do it, ugh i asked him to do oneee thing ugh

i just dont know what to do anymore i feel like im the only one in this relationship

someone please help meee

young mother


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, it sounds like you guys got pregnant and then got married because you were pregnant?

I hate to suggest breaking up, but you two are both kids yourselves, and you never got to enjoy life. If I were in your place, I would see if I could move back home to my parents until I got on my feet with a job and child care.

Once you have some support like that, then see if you can salvage the marriage.


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## SOINLOVE2005 (Apr 14, 2010)

My, my, my....you guys are married at such a young age, but it could work only if you guys got married for the right reasons. Love is the only thing that could pull you guys out of this slump. If your hubby loves u like he continually tells you, then there's hope. Please explain, (or have someone who he'll listen to) explain that just his main duty now is you and you guys child you have together. It is nobody's place to dictate things in a home alone, especially in your situation. If your hubby doesn't want to even compromise to the point where he will actually assist you in the strategies you have set in place for your home, ask him why you two are together in the first place. If neither one of you guys know, seek help from a trusted neutral source.


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## youngmother09 (Apr 21, 2010)

we didnt marry because i was pregnant, we married a month after the baby was born not to mention we were married the morning of the day he left for 3000 miles away for boot camp i wanted to try marriage counsiling but he wont consider it he says its for weak people.... so it just feels like everything is falling apart


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

But would you have gotten married if you hadn't had a baby? I'm not judging, just trying to assess your real relationship.


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## SOINLOVE2005 (Apr 14, 2010)

Try explaining to ur hubby that counseling is for the stronger people. The ones of us who wants to fight for our marriage. It strengthens ur marriage in ways u might not know. How would u win the fight if u r weak?


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## youngmother09 (Apr 21, 2010)

i think we would have got married even if it werent for the baby just not this early on in our lives..

soinlove--- i tried explaining it he is stubborn and just keeps saying over and over its for weak people and he isnt weak blahh i know we should go to a m. c but ugh there is no talking to him about it he wont listen


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The difference is that you are ASKING him to go. You have to learn to have your own boundaries. A boundary is something you are or aren't willing to live with.

You should be telling him you are NOT willing to live with a husband who treats you like this. 

So HE has a choice - listen to what you need, participate in the marriage the way you need, and make you an equal partner, or else he will be losing you.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Chances are very, very high that you will not tolerate this for the rest of your life, so make an appointment with a marriage counselor and calmly tell dh that the marriage will fail if the two of you don't get counseling, and you will be going, and that he is expected to attend. Then go, with or without him. You will figure out in counseling what you want to do. You may be able to make changes to which h will respond in a good way. If not, you'll decide to leave and you'll be able to do it in a way that is least harmful for your child. 

Good luck.


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## youngmother09 (Apr 21, 2010)

great advice guys, thank you, now i know where to start.


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