# Should I expect a confession



## mamacott (Jan 6, 2012)

I posted before about my husband's behavior, bad. My finding condoms and women's names and numbers, etc. I left him at the end of December and we pretty much have spoken very little. He never asked me to stay, he never said anything, just that I said it all. The part that galls me is the fact that he won't admit wrongdoing so I wrote him a heartfelt letter saying that I need that from him to have closure. That I had to know the reason why he never asked me to stay and that he seems to want this divorce more than I do. His response was none at all. Is that to be expected? Will he ever admit that he cheated? Still crying myself to sleep over the good years we had (married 35 years) and what I thought was a good marriage.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Don't expect much from him, it sounds like he couldn't care less...he let you 'say it all' because he had no courage to end the marriage himself; he chose to cheat.

Condoms, womens numbers? You don't really need a confession. Get a therapist, and try to heal, and move past all this.

Good luck.


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## mamacott (Jan 6, 2012)

I've been to a counselor twice and of course she works on getting ME better, raising my self esteem, etc. But it doesn't really solve my question as to why all of a sudden he just didn't care when for so long he's been unfaithful. Why the sudden need to get me out of his life? Just puzzling to me.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You probably won't want to hear this...but maybe he fell in love with someone else and just can't bring himself to tell you. He never told you anything else, so why would he tell you that?


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## NoCode (Jan 23, 2012)

mamacott…don’t beat yourself up over this…the closure you seek is only going to be found within you…your husband isn’t a man in the most pure meaning…he’s a coward and a bad ender of relationships…

You were married for 35 years…a marriage takes work…lots of work…we all get complacent, get set in our routines that we sometimes forget about the other…and before you know it space has come between you and an affair is underway…but don’t take responsibility for his infidelity…he’s a weak man, with no boundaries…

I really am sorry you’re going through this…please stick with your counselor…with time, you’ll heal…I promise…get to a healthy place in your mind and soul…take some time for yourself…rediscover an old hobby, reconnect with old friends…exercise…understand what you’re going through is normal and know that there are good men out there and that you’ll be just fine…


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

What your therapist says is true.
You need to focus on yourself.
This doesn't mean that your husband didn't act inappropriately, it just means that therapy is about you.
Stick with it and trust your therapist on this one.
I can vouch for it.
Whenever I tried to talk about my H and anger and being wronged and wanting to figure out why he would do what he did, my therapist would say 'let's talk about you'. The thing your therapist is probably trying to steer you away from is something called the 'narrative fallacy' which is wanting a logical story to put in place to explain past events. It does offer comfort, but the moment you find anything that unravels the story that exists in your head, including perhaps your husband being 'different' than who he was in the past, in the future, everything blows to pieces with the 'explanation'. Therefore, it really is better to focus on you and not trying to construct a story around what might or might not have been someone else's motives/mental ilness/ethical issues/morality/sociopathy... Stick with what you might know best, which is how you feel. How you felt. How you would like to feel, and how to get from here to there. 
It might seem like the therapist is trying to convince you that something's amiss with you that caused your H to act the way he did, but it's not like that at all. You have to just get through that. The therapist is really always on the side of the patient, otherwise they would have quit the profession.


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## mamacott (Jan 6, 2012)

The reason I need closure is only because I want to understand why a man who had a wife that gave him a good home, 2 beautiful sons, and who made good on her vows would just toss it out the window like yesterday's trash. If he has indeed fallen in love with someone else it would be one of the skanks he drives around in his cabs, i.e. the prostitutes, crack *****s, etc. That would kill his sons. And although I could care less about his feelings right now, I am concerned for theirs.
The counselor acts disgusted when I tell her about him. Who wouldn't? Where is the caring loving man I married 35 years ago? Where did he go? What makes a man change that drastically?
And let me add that I had a nervous breakdown 1 1/2 years ago. I thought at the time it was just something unrelated but it came out in counseling that he was a lot of the problem. I was in the hospital for 3 days and he did come to visit, but after coming home, he never really checked on me to see if I was ok, just made jokes about the fact that I was "crazy". Could this have pushed him away?


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