# Female orgasms



## Farj (Jul 26, 2012)

My wife and I haven't been together long. Before me, she had never had an orgasm with a partner, or even with a partner present, only by herself. With me she has at least been able to give them to herself while I'm present.

I have been very careful not to push this issue. Always allowing her to volunteer information, but expressing great interest when she does. Never making a big deal of it, always telling her that as long as she is enjoying love making, that is enough for me.

Of course the truth is I would very much like for her to be able to get there with my assistance, but pressure isn't the way to achieve it.

Recently she has been experiencing what she says is a different type of orgasm when I perform oral. She says there is a build up and a release, but not the waves of pleasure she experiences when she does it herself. It is immediately followed by clitoral sensitivity.

I have heard vague references to something like this. A woman posting that at one time she thought something like this was an orgasm but it really wasn't.

Anyone familiar with the phenomenon? Does it at least mean we are on the right track?

Any advise appreciated.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Farj said:


> My wife and I haven't been together long. Before me, she had never had an orgasm with a partner, or even with a partner present, only by herself. With me she has at least been able to give them to herself while I'm present.
> 
> I have been very careful not to push this issue. Always allowing her to volunteer information, but expressing great interest when she does. Never making a big deal of it, always telling her that as long as she is enjoying love making, that is enough for me.
> 
> ...


Women experience all different kinds of orgasms from different stimulation. While some generalities can be made about female orgasm, there are always exceptions that are just as normal as the rules.

What you describe above sounds like she is indeed orgasming. It is what I call a "roller" orgasm because it rolls over you in a gentle way, lifting you up and setting you back down. It's like floating in the ocean as a wave is building and your body is lifted suddenly but gently and just as suddenly lowered back down. If it wasn't for the lower back down part you might have missed it. Absolutely nothing wrong with this orgasm at all! It's lovely!

The orgasm women get from masturbation is very different from partnered orgasm because she is totally in control of the stimulation being applied. She knows through immediate nerve feedback exactly what to do and when to do it. It is predictable and controllable, in so far as orgasms can possible be. A partnered orgasm can never feel the same as a DIY orgasm. This doesn't mean it's better, or worse. In fact most times, for me at least, partnered orgasms feel oodles better than DIY's.

When I was first learning to orgasm with my husband, after I had learned to give myself an orgasm, my DIY orgasms were much stronger, more reliable and easier to achieve. But in time, my partnered orgasms with my husband became infinitely more preferable to the DIY's.

So, for you, keep up the good work of not pressuring her for the response that ideally comes from her organically. For your wife, keep up the good work of total sexual honesty!

Bravo to both of you!


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Women have two basic orgasms. Clitoris and G-spot. The clitoris becomes very sensitive after orgasm. The G-spot is whole body mind blowing fun. Both take about twenty minutes to built up too. Both should be brushed very gently and sparingly doing the warm up period. After they are warmed up the G-spot is all swollen have fun.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

sex is a learned response. You need to keep trying, experimenting, being bold and kinky. It gets better and better the more you practice. there might be some specific things you can do to push her over the edge when having sex with her. Like if she is close, you bite her nipple lightly, or play with her anus with a finger....whatever it takes.....that might be a way to get her to reliably orgasm. Some women love bondage, because they are unable to move or control the situation, so they let their minds go and can finally have intense orgasms with not fear/self consciousness.

keep trying! lots more to figure out.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Melvynman said:


> Women have two basic orgasms. Clitoris and G-spot. The clitoris becomes very sensitive after orgasm. The G-spot is whole body mind blowing fun. Both take about twenty minutes to built up too. Both should be brushed very gently and sparingly doing the warm up period. After they are warmed up the G-spot is all swollen have fun.


Sorry but, this isn't it. Agreed that there are clitoral orgasms and there are g-spot orgasms. I can reach orgasm in about three minutes. I don't think what you're saying applies to all women. 

In my experience what the OP is describing is the difference between what I think of as climax and orgasm. During climax there is a pinnacle of sensation such that it makes me want to pull back a little afterward but I can keep going soon after and want to. I can experience that during intercourse, being fingered, with my clitoris being stimulated, my anus. I can experience that just from having my nipples sucked. From the outside it looks and sounds like an orgasm to my partner. It feels great in and of itself. 

Orgasm is a different sensation - it happens if I let myself keep going through the climax and that's what it takes for me - let myself go. Climax is intense pleasure and my tendency is to pull back from it when it feels intense but if I let myself stay in that position, allow the motion to continue, I orgasm. 

Orgasm only happens for me with a partner when I feel like I can REALLY trust them and OP, sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to do to make that happen. I need to feel like my partner isn't judging me for what I like or don't like, how I feel right now, etc. Once a partner creates that emotional space, I can let myself go.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Firebelly, I've never really thought about making a distinction between climax and orgasm. I've always thought of them and interchangeable to describe the same thing.

Which makes me think there should be clinical terms for my "roller" and your "climax" and my "crashing O" and your Orgasm.

I am a greedy b!tch so I'm always reaching for the big O. Having to let myself go to get it, was something I did have to teach myself but once I learned how, it's all I know how to do; let go and reach for it. 

Interesting discussion though. I don't have experience prior to my husband, at least not worth mentioning here, so I can't contextualize the difference between positive feelings of sex with someone you love and trust and positive feelings of sex with someone you don't.


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## Longtermer (Oct 1, 2014)

The sensation I get from clitoral stimulation and from penetration are different but I assumed were both orgasms just different intensity. I can get the same result from having my nipples played with no other stimulation. The most intense orgasms are from my husband using clitoral stimulation and I very often faint from this. It used to worry my husband but now its become the norm and it only lasts a few seconds. This conversation is very informative and has certainly got me thinking.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

*Re: Oral sex on women*

I feel vastly different reaching orgasm when i masturbate versus from intercourse with my wife. 


Anon Pink said:


> Women experience all different kinds of orgasms from different stimulation. While some generalities can be made about female orgasm, there are always exceptions that are just as normal as the rules.
> 
> What you describe above sounds like she is indeed orgasming. It is what I call a "roller" orgasm because it rolls over you in a gentle way, lifting you up and setting you back down. It's like floating in the ocean as a wave is building and your body is lifted suddenly but gently and just as suddenly lowered back down. If it wasn't for the lower back down part you might have missed it. Absolutely nothing wrong with this orgasm at all! It's lovely!
> 
> ...


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Hope this keeps going. Very good discussion. We can all learn from the female experience.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

:scratchhead: So. An O isn't an O or what? :scratchhead:

Ooooo myn.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I think an O is an O and can be reached in a variety of ways. The research says about 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach it. What I'm saying is that the sensations during sex can go in waves. Hard to describe but I think for men it's equivalent to how you feel just before you orgasm - that's climax. You may choose to stop doing what you're doing in that moment to prolong your hard-on and for me, it's the same. I move us on to a different movement if I don't have the kind of relationship where I feel I can trust my partner to carry me through to orgasm. However, if I'm by myself, I always orgasm and I can do it in about three minutes.

And maybe unfortunately, there isn't necessarily a timeline or threshold for trust. I don't think I actually orgasmed with my husband until we'd been married for a bit. What it took for me was feeling like he was okay with me taking as long as I needed to orgasm. Conceivably we could have just had a conversation about that early on in our relationship and all he would need to have done is tell me I can take as long as I want, then patiently showed me in one session that he really felt that way, and away we go. But we didn't talk. And his actions in most cases showed me he was impatient - if he had to perform oral on me for more than 10 minutes he would start making sighing noises, which made me feel like I need to hurry up and orgasm, which of course, made it so I couldn't.


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## Farj (Jul 26, 2012)

I may need to start trying out some more toys. She says she prefers to be penetrated while receiving clitoral stimulation. Her favorite private toy is designed for both and gives her the best O. Up to now, I had been using my fingers, but maybe that's not enough.

We are both very open minded sexually. I experiment with stimulating all parts at different times. 

Both very open to kink as well. Still in the very early experimental stages though as neither of us had willing partners prior to our relationship.


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## Farj (Jul 26, 2012)

Thank you for all the input that has been provided.

I have been incredibly fortunate to find this woman.

Her love life has been filled with selfish and heartless men. She has told me for the first time in her life she is comfortable in her own skin. She says at last she does not recoil in fear if a part of her is touched that she is not happy with. 

This is the greatest gift she could have given me. To accept the fact that I love her and am attracted to her just the way she is.

I love and appreciate this woman the way she loves and appreciates me. My highest priority is to make sure she is happy and comfortable in all aspects. I'm sure with time, all remaining trust issues will fade.

I hope to receive additional input on this subject.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

firebelly1 said:


> I think an O is an O and can be reached in a variety of ways. The research says about 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach it. What I'm saying is that the sensations during sex can go in waves. *Hard to describe but I think for men it's equivalent to how you feel just before you orgasm - that's climax. *You may choose to stop doing what you're doing in that moment to prolong your hard-on and for me, it's the same. I move us on to a different movement if I don't have the kind of relationship where I feel I can trust my partner to carry me through to orgasm. However, if I'm by myself, I always orgasm and I can do it in about three minutes.
> 
> And maybe unfortunately, there isn't necessarily a timeline or threshold for trust. I don't think I actually orgasmed with my husband until we'd been married for a bit. What it took for me was feeling like he was okay with me taking as long as I needed to orgasm. Conceivably we could have just had a conversation about that early on in our relationship and all he would need to have done is tell me I can take as long as I want, then patiently showed me in one session that he really felt that way, and away we go. But we didn't talk. And his actions in most cases showed me he was impatient - if he had to perform oral on me for more than 10 minutes he would start making sighing noises, which made me feel like I need to hurry up and orgasm, which of course, made it so I couldn't.


OOoooooooo-- I got you now. There is a part A and a part B!

In other words (_mine_)- Climaxing are those few seconds of ecstasy before the actual orgasm signaling the O is on the way- And if you want that O, you are also at the point (if someone else is making it happen for you) in wanting that wonderful person to know- They had better not stop what they are doing, or you will kill them.  :smthumbup:


I think _one _reason some men may seem impatient if the woman takes a bit longer to climax is- Depending upon what is being used to bring about the woman's orgasm- They are tired.. More especially if they are fingering or giving oral. Fingering or oral stimulation can certainly become tiring. Toys, like the vibrator, not so much. If a woman is barely alive and breathing, using a vibrator will NOT take her too long to orgasm. 

I do agree with the 80% percent statistic of women needing direct clitoris stimulation to orgasm. The other 10% won't admit it. In my opinion. It seems so shameful for some women to admit they've used their OWN fingers to enjoy the O. But that is not what this thread is about, so don't mind me.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

hartvalve said:


> I think _one _reason some men may seem impatient if the woman takes a bit longer to climax is- Depending upon what is being used to bring about the woman's orgasm- They are tired.. More especially if they are fingering or giving oral. Fingering or oral stimulation can certainly become tiring. Toys, like the vibrator, not so much. If a woman is barely alive and breathing, using a vibrator will NOT take her too long to orgasm.


Yep - same when a woman is giving a bj. It can get tiring. Seems like when you get tired going down on a woman you can switch it up with a vibrator when you get tired.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

firebelly1 said:


> Yep - same when a woman is giving a bj. It can get tiring. Seems like when you get tired going down on a woman you can switch it up with a vibrator when you get tired.



True concerning the woman. 

What is the alternative for the tired woman trying to please her man orally and can't seem to?


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

I suppose they have vibrators for us men but a woman has so many different ways she can use her muscles and energy to provide stimulation.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Yes - hj comes to mind. Switch hands. Then back to mouth. Or if all else fails, mounting him probably is a good alternative.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

Oh those are fun fine alternatives


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