# I'd love some advice - I think I'm proceeding in the right direction...



## DezMoinez

I absolutely realize how trite my post might be, given the complexity, and deepness, and baggage and damage you've all gone through…but I'm really looking for *adult* advice on how to proceed, and if I'm doing this the RIGHT way. 



Okay, so, say someone breaks up with you…and, at the time, it made absolutely no sense, and you just could not see the flaws in yourself, and therefore couldn't understand why you'd get dumped.
Fast forward a couple months, and you realize exactly how right the ex was, and that every point he made was valid, and every reason he gave is something that you, as a person need to actually work on, and you're willing to, and are already trying….

Okay, I'm 26 years old, and I've never been broken up with before. In the past, I've been…a cheater, though I've not been in a ton of relationships. A first heartbreak is almost certainly meant to be the most painful. And, well, it has been.
I began dating this man in January of this year, and it was…instant. We had a first date, and it was like magnets. It was perfection. We had EVERYTHING in common, endless things to talk about, exact same sense of humor, eerie coincidences, even finishing each other's sentences on the first night. We saw each other every day for the rest of that week because we just enjoyed each other's company. The physical attraction, and the personality attraction was unbelievable. We fell in love with each other very quickly, and began dating just over a week after meeting. It was like, instant comfort with each other. It was like breathing to be around each other.
Everything was pretty near perfect for almost 6 months, until we had our first fight…which was over a boat trip his friends were having, and I was…less than enthused to go, but of course said I would. But, in retrospect, I acted like a bratty little jerk about it.
I'm not entirely sure the relationship fully recovered after that. It was a few days of hurt feelings on both sides, and he turned out to be a horrifyingly awful communicator. But, I happen to be great at it, so it really didn't bug me that much, and with the right prompting, I was able to open him up.
A few weeks after this fight, I started seeing him become distant, wanting to hang out less…just generally being a bit more absent. Which, truthfully wasn't hard because we were basically inseparable before this.
When I finally had to confront the issue, we sat and talked…and he just said that he never felt the same way he did as before we had that first fight. And just little things were building up and that he was having trouble getting over them, and that he didn't see any way they would get better. However, the reasons were things like "you don't really like kids", "you don't like doing the same stuff I do in the summer"…etc. He did say that it would be awful for him to ever ask me to change who I am, and at the time, I agreed.
I was crushed, to say the very, very least.
We've had semi-regular contact since we broke up - he generally began just acting as if things were normal. Still posting things on my Facebook, often texting about things we both liked…just…normal. We have very intimate jokes (about our previous sex life, each other's genitals, etc.), as well. 
I know that he still enjoys being around me, and hanging out with me, as he had said it to me directly.
We've been hanging out quite often…at least once or twice a week for the past month - we always have an absolutely amazing time - tons of laughs, completely comfortable…it's just like it was in the beginning. There's always a touch of awkwardness as I don't think we ever set the 'boundaries' of where we stand with each other, and there's obviously still some feelings. I have a hard time making sense of how he still feels about me, though. 


My own short-comings and naivety those short-comings basically made me…un-dateable. Now that I realized that, as a person, I need to make changes….does an ex ever want to hear that you know exactly what you did wrong, and that you're already fixing them, and would like them to take a chance on trying again?
And, before anyone says it…It's got to come off like I'm changing myself for this man, but in actuality…it was a HUGE, teary revelation to me as to what kind of person I had become, and how I had become so stagnant and unwilling to change. This is very important to me…but so is he.

I guess, at this point, what I've got planned is to meet at a bar or somewhere, and basically spill what I've learned about myself, and where I'm at now, and propose that we basically just…well, erase the awkwardness, and pretty much 'start over' by making a point to hang out a few times a week, but with the open option of romance, if it happens. Never force anything…just, see where it can go, and if we can recapture what we lost by my ****ty, bratty behaviour. 

I feel like this is the proper course of action, but I'd love to hear some opinions…and advice.

Thanks so much for reading, guys.


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## anx

I think there is absolutely a chance. However, it is wierd that after one fight he started disconnecting. Marriage is a marathon and him being unable to communicate and not committed for more than one fight isn't a good sign. You probably both have stuff to learn. Everyone does going into a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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