# What do you think of these excuses?



## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

This lack of sex is really bothering me. I am constantly frustrated, pissed off, and feel depressed. Here's what my wife has said during these sexless weeks:

- she is always tired. I try to say to myself perhaps she really is and there is something wring with her. But she seems fine and energetic all day. Come bedtime she just curls away and goes to sleep

- she has apparently tried to initiate 2-3 times the past few weeks. I was asleep though as it was in the wee morning hours. Could she have picked a better time??

- cold (often goes with tired). We have enough heat resources in our house that this should not be an issue. But she wraps herself up in blankets thereby making it difficult for me to even touch her. 

- not directly related to lack of sex but always complains about something...typically the same stuff over and over

- typically has a sitcom response to things I do or say that is not what she expects from me or mistakes I make etc. 

I get tired too. I am sure we all do. But I can often overcome it if it means being intimate. I would try at least. It's like she doesn't really care. That's a fine reason for a week but not months. 

This is all soon going to come out in the open because I've had enough. I just know when it does she is going to get upset and not talk. This will not be good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Possible?

Symptoms of Hypothyroidism (An underactive thyroid)

fatigue, exhaustion
feeling run down and sluggish
depression
difficulty concentrating, brain fog
unexplained or excessive weight gain
dry, coarse and/or itchy skin
dry, coarse and/or thinning hair
feeling cold, especially in the extremities
constipation
muscle cramps
increased menstrual flow
more frequent periods
infertility/miscarriage




Hurra said:


> This lack of sex is really bothering me. I am constantly frustrated, pissed off, and feel depressed. Here's what my wife has said during these sexless weeks:
> 
> - she is always tired. I try to say to myself perhaps she really is and there is something wring with her. But she seems fine and energetic all day. Come bedtime she just curls away and goes to sleep
> 
> ...


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

:iagree: .....with what Mem says.

I had every one of those symptoms for several years before I finally found a doctor who would do a full thyroid test - which includes testing the antibody levels....not just the hormone/chemical levels.

If your wife hasn't already had the full tests, maybe she could benefit from having them done.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I also agree with the possibility of thyroid issues. Another thought is depression: it can cause exhaustion, lack of sex drive, and the feelings of sadness can lead to complaining about everything.

I'm not sure what you mean by "sitcom responses," so I can't say anything for sure, but I'm guessing that maybe there's some kind of communication problem there; either she doesn't know how to communicate her feelings, or feels that her feelings would not be welcomed, so it's easier to give this other response. Or, if she is depressed, it could be a matter of she's not really feeling anything, so she is trying to give you the response she thinks she should give or that she thinks you expect. 

I'd definitely try to get her to go to a doctor and get a thorough exam, including blood work.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

She has had some tests done recently for other issues unrelated to being tired or whatever and her results came back good. She doesn't have any weight issues, eats well, has a positive attitude with the things she is involved with and at work. So I doubt she has depression. She doesn't experience most of the symptoms with thyroid.

She is a primary teacher and after school has activities with the kids for an hour. She has a couple of her own activities she is involved with in the community but if that is making her too tired for the bedroom, then there is a problem here somewhere. I think its just an excuse myself. I haven't seen her in 'the mood' in over 2 years. Otherwise she is just letting me have sex with her.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Hurra said:


> This lack of sex is really bothering me. I am constantly frustrated, pissed off, and feel depressed. Here's what my wife has said during these sexless weeks:
> 
> - she is always tired. I try to say to myself perhaps she really is and there is something wring with her. But she seems fine and energetic all day. Come bedtime she just curls away and goes to sleep
> 
> ...



My x wife used some of those excuses. She said she was tired, yet she seemed to have energy for everything else, like recreational activities.

She complained about being cold too. She would claim it was too cold to get naked, yet we had heat as well.

I'm with you, i could always seem to find the energy for sex.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Hurra said:


> She has had some tests done recently for other issues unrelated to being tired or whatever and her results came back good. She doesn't have any weight issues, eats well, has a positive attitude with the things she is involved with and at work. So I doubt she has depression. She doesn't experience most of the symptoms with thyroid.
> 
> She is a primary teacher and after school has activities with the kids for an hour. She has a couple of her own activities she is involved with in the community but if that is making her too tired for the bedroom, then there is a problem here somewhere. I think its just an excuse myself. I haven't seen her in 'the mood' in over 2 years. Otherwise she is just letting me have sex with her.


Have you demonstrated just how frustrated you are with the situation? I mean, really communicated it to her, not just "talked" about it?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Hurra,

Maybe she's just not into you anymore. Seriously. Are you a " nice guy"? Always trying to do nice things for your wife because you think or expect she will do nice things back in kind?

Or maybe you are so sexually pent up, every interaction with your wife becomes about sex? Apparently, this is a big turnoff for women. Ironic, isn't it.

As such, maybe it's time to tell your wife that sex is very important to you, and you have no plans on being celibate the rest of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hurra,
Do you know what she loves/dislikes/hates about you?
Do you know what turns her on/off in and out of bed?

When did your sex life go from ok to bad? What caused that change? 

So far when you have had the "talk" with her, what was your approach and what happened?




Hurra said:


> This lack of sex is really bothering me. I am constantly frustrated, pissed off, and feel depressed. Here's what my wife has said during these sexless weeks:
> 
> - she is always tired. I try to say to myself perhaps she really is and there is something wring with her. But she seems fine and energetic all day. Come bedtime she just curls away and goes to sleep
> 
> ...


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## seahorse (Apr 10, 2010)

It might be insightful to see how open she is to visiting a doctor and getting lab work done. I agree with the others: possible thyroid issues, depression, or perhaps something else.

That said, if she seemed uncooperative and/or completely uninterested in discovering the source of the problem, it might reveal an unwillingness to solve it. In that case it could still be indicative of depression, but I'd begin suspecting loss of desire with some sort of emotional / pyscho-sexual undertones rather than, say, blood glucose levels or high blood pressure. 


Good luck,


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Hurra - it could be that your wife just isn't interested in sex....
There are lots of husbands (and wives, though not as many) with partners who have normal hormone levels, normal marriages (in that they spoon, share chores etc) but who are simply not interested in sex. They don't regard it as an important part of the marriage 'package'.
Trying to talk to them about your feelings might improve things for a short while but they soon return to their 'default setting' of it not being important etc. It just doesnt cross their minds.
If you wife is one of the above.....

What are the options for you?...

1) Accept it
2) Leave
3) Stay but seek sexual relief outside your marriage (secretly)
4) Agree to an open marriage with your wife

Your choice I'm afraid!


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

My Wife has Hypothyroidism and is on drugs for it.

She had a million excuses not to have sex as well. 99 percent of the time it was all bull crap.

She just didn't want to have sex. Problem has been solved now though.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

How did you solve the problem?

Yesterday we had a sexless Valentine's Day. It started off good. I sent her flowers to the school where she teaches and she loved that. In the evening we went our for dinner and had a glass of wine each. I got her something special and expressed how I am glad she is my wife and how beautiful she is. We had good conservation and had a great time. We got home at a decent hour. I got a shower and when I got out she was passed out on the couch. She crawled to bed and said she was too tired for anything. I hadn't even tried because I knew the outcome. This morning she apologized quickly as if it wasn't a big deal, gave me a peck on the cheek and she went on with her day like all was normal. 

I was tired too last night but would have been ready for any intimacy, just to be close with my wife again.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

Because I knew her excuses were BS and I called her on it. If she is too tired for it, then she better be going to bed early or something.

Sometimes she just has to get past that voice in her head that says no, and do it anyways.


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## Hardrocker03 (Feb 15, 2011)

I know all the excesses to well. Recently I found a vibrator hidden in her sock drawer. I also say the excuses are bull!!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Hardrocker03 said:


> I know all the excesses to well. Recently I found a vibrator hidden in her sock drawer. I also say the excuses are bull!!


Ouch, did you leave a note in there saying thank you for keeping me warm and signing it Mr. Vibrator?


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

:iagree::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Hurra said:


> How did you solve the problem?
> 
> Yesterday we had a sexless Valentine's Day. It started off good. I sent her flowers to the school where she teaches and she loved that. In the evening we went our for dinner and had a glass of wine each. I got her something special and expressed how I am glad she is my wife and how beautiful she is. We had good conservation and had a great time. We got home at a decent hour. I got a shower and when I got out she was passed out on the couch. She crawled to bed and said she was too tired for anything. I hadn't even tried because I knew the outcome. This morning she apologized quickly as if it wasn't a big deal, gave me a peck on the cheek and she went on with her day like all was normal.
> 
> I was tired too last night but would have been ready for any intimacy, just to be close with my wife again.


she got what she wanted, and you didnt. you need to back off of her bigtime. stop being so available for her, give some time to other interests. give her space.

i did similar on valentines day and achieved the same result as you, yesterday we had all day at the house alone and nada. the rest of the week i will be at the office (my choice) and wont much give her the time of day other than the basic kid stuff conversations. im too tired to keep this up.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I got laid on Valentines..


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Hardrocker03 said:


> I know all the excesses to well. Recently I found a vibrator hidden in her sock drawer. I also say the excuses are bull!!


That doesn't mean jack. My wife has a ton of toys, and I get laid like a fiend (now). My V-day was an erotic adventure. Yours should have been, too.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Hurra said:


> How did you solve the problem?
> 
> Yesterday we had a sexless Valentine's Day. It started off good. I sent her flowers to the school where she teaches and she loved that. In the evening we went our for dinner and had a glass of wine each. I got her something special and expressed how I am glad she is my wife and how beautiful she is. We had good conservation and had a great time. We got home at a decent hour. I got a shower and when I got out she was passed out on the couch. She crawled to bed and said she was too tired for anything. I hadn't even tried because I knew the outcome. This morning she apologized quickly as if it wasn't a big deal, gave me a peck on the cheek and she went on with her day like all was normal.
> 
> I was tired too last night but would have been ready for any intimacy, just to be close with my wife again.


I'd go off on her, dude, seriously. I'd let her know that while I appreciated all the fun lovey-dovey stuff, you consider V-Day unsuccessful for obvious reasons -- but you're willing to let her make it up to you. Be firm, be resilient, be a royal pain in the butt. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? She'll stop having sex with you?

Also might want to remind her that March 14 is International Steak & BJ Day. Start dropping hints now.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I agree with IanIronwood..

Like IanIronwood I also had a great night.. Should would not dare pulling that crap on me.. Or her Valentines gifts would find there way in the trash..


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

Sorry I can't help you, I am in the same boat as you.

I get tired too, but i am NEVER too tired for sex, My H gives me lame excuses too, day after day. blah blah blah. 

I do have a toy, which i probably use more then I should, but i am a sex starved wife. I never tell my H no, even for some reason i am not in the mood (which is never.)

The same excuses day in and day out get really old. I have given up.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I actually got denied tonight..

She hinted at it way early tonight, and it totally back fired on her..

bwahahahhaa..


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Tool said:


> I actually got denied tonight..
> 
> She hinted at it way early tonight, and it totally back fired on her..
> 
> bwahahahhaa..


You got denied? Or you denied her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I got denied..


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Tool said:


> I got denied..


How did it backfire on her? You mean you initiated based on her hints and you got rejected? And she wasn't expecting you to make a move?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

i know how you feel is all i can say. i'm a woman going through the same with my husband. he's apparently too tired to do anything around the house, clean up wise, laundry, cooking, etc even tho right now i'm working and he's going to school online which he's failing right now...he takes care of our 6 month old and MAYBE puts out once a week. i work, i clean, cook, do laundry, make bottles, take care of the baby every minute i am home and STILL want sex 2-3 times a week or more...so yea, wtf here too. lol. oh but he has time for porn everyday, i see it on the computer..so yea, f the excuses.


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