# Ladies , which one do you prefer and why?



## Caribbean Man

If you had to choose between a;

1] Fulfilling Career , that puts you on top of your game . One that you have always dreamed of.

Or,

2] Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.

And why?

_The assumption behind the question is that you can't have both , probably because of a give circumstance at a particular point and time._

I just thought that I would ask because I've heard so many women talk about it.


----------



## Mavash.

I'm one of the lucky ones in that I was able to have both....just not at the same time. LOL

I married the man of my dreams but still pursued my fulfilling career. For 10 years that worked but then I found it lacking so I then started my family and became a homemaker.

Sadly the great romance didn't happen until after I gave up the career. I was just too busy before to give my marriage the time it needed. 

I'm happier with the family, great romance and the man of my dreams but I have no regrets. I'm glad I got to experience both in my lifetime. Besides I can't go back anyway so no point dwelling on it.

But to answer your question I chose #2.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think if I said career I'd always have a nagging empty spot in my life.

I'd like to think I can have both... sort of - it's not a career I dreamed of but it is fulfilling and I feel on top of my game. I already have my family (daughter) - now I just need the right 2nd husband and I'll _feel_ like I have it all.  Can't wait for him to get back from business trip!


----------



## Caribbean Man

Mavash. said:


> *Sadly the great romance didn't happen until after I gave up the career. I was just too busy before to give my marriage the time it needed. My chosen career was demanding and time consuming. I traveled a lot and it took a lot of hours to be on top of my game.*
> .


^^^^^^^^^
This is the exact reason I asked the question.
I have lots of professional , career oriented female friends. Criminal Lawyers , Managers , Regional Directors for large corporations etc.
They all tell me the same thing.
Their love lives suck big time.
Most of them are divorced.


----------



## Mavash.

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^^^
> This is the exact reason I asked the question.
> I have lots of professional , career oriented female friends. Criminal Lawyers , Managers , Regional Directors for large corporations etc.
> They all tell me the same thing.
> Their love lives suck big time.
> Most of them are divorced.


Exactly. I'm a CPA and another issue with this is when you work in male dominated fields it's hard to turn that off when you get home. My husband wasn't all that attracted to my work persona. Oh sure it was cool at first but after a while it got old. He's a traditional guy who prefers being the man of the house. In my heyday that was me. Our lives revolved around my career - a total role reversal and my husband hated it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yeah, I figured that was where it was going. My career came after my marriage but I'm happy putting it on hold and maintaining status quo. I don't work more than 40 and travel very little at least.

I think to make both work you have to hire help where you can (housekeeper, nanny) and be very good with time management and know when to turn off the phone/laptop and focus on your mate.


----------



## Soifon

#2

I don't believe in work being your life. I work to support my life but it isn't my life. That's just me though, I'm not the type to jump at the chance to work late or bring work home. I do what I need to do and then get back to my life which is my friends and family. Granted I may not be rich or have a distinguished career but I'm very happy with where I am. Yeah I'd love to have some huge home or a fancy car but my townhouse and my mazda work just fine for me. I have a regular 9-5 type job that pays my bills and lets me live comfortably. When my work day ends I am eager to get out the door and get home to see my kids and my SO. I couldn't imagine losing any time with them thinking about work.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Soifon said:


> #2
> 
> *I don't believe in work being your life. I work to support my life but it isn't my life. That's just me though, I'm not the type to jump at the chance to work late or bring work home. I do what I need to do and then get back to my life which is my friends and family. Granted I may not be rich or have a distinguished career but I'm very happy with where I am.* Yeah I'd love to have some huge home or a fancy car but my townhouse and my mazda work just fine for me. I have a regular 9-5 type job that pays my bills and lets me live comfortably. When my work day ends I am eager to get out the door and get home to see my kids and my SO. I couldn't imagine losing any time with them thinking about work.


^^^^^^^^^^^
Well it seems like you have found your perfect balance here.
I like your concept of work , happiness and life.
But,
There are some questions in the back of my mind.
Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?

Thanks for your response!


----------



## southern wife

I'll pick door #2, Alex!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

> Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?


I do not think they cannot be had at the same time; however, I think it requires a very conscious effort and a high level of personal awareness to be in tune with your husband and children. 

Men are better at compartmentalizing which I think lends itself better to accomplishing both. I think women have to work harder at it - to put aside work. 

My "symbolic" end of day is the glass of wine I have while cooking dinner. It seems to delineate work life and home life - I put down my briefcase, kick off my heels and pour a glass of wine and can almost feel a physical response - a shifting of internal gears of sorts. Now I'm in "home" mode.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Caribbean Man said:


> If you had to choose between a;
> 
> 1] Fulfilling Career , that puts you on top of your game . One that you have always dreamed of.
> 
> Or,
> 
> 2] Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.
> 
> And why?
> 
> _The assumption behind the question is that you can't have both , probably because of a give circumstance at a particular point and time._
> 
> I just thought that I would ask because I've heard so many women talk about it.



I never dreamed of having a family or that kind of life. I dreamed of having a great career,time to devote to animal rescue,and a great man to stand with me and live a happy life.
Nothing else required to make me happy.I'm not big into the family life. Just my man,my dogs,and my career.


----------



## Soifon

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^^^^^
> Well it seems like you have found your perfect balance here.
> I like your concept of work , happiness and life.
> But,
> There are some questions in the back of my mind.
> Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?
> 
> Thanks for your response!


I think it is less likely but not impossible. Out of the female friends I do know the ones that are actively pursuing careers either have no children or are away from their families A LOT. They all _seem_ happy and they are all married. One of them though her marriage I think isn't going to last but it has nothing to do with her career.

So I guess it is possible to find love and have a great relationship with someone but where kids are concerned I think it would be much more difficult.


----------



## Caribbean Man

southern wife said:


> *I'll pick door #2, Alex!*


This " Alex " fellow sounds like one, lucky dude!


----------



## norajane

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^^^^^
> Well it seems like you have found your perfect balance here.
> I like your concept of work , happiness and life.
> But,
> There are some questions in the back of my mind.
> Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?
> 
> Thanks for your response!


For the last 5 years, I've been working at a software company with a hard-core sales culture, and for 10 years before that in a consulting firm. There are indeed a lot more men than women in those roles because of the demanding nature of the jobs, plus the travel. 

However, virtually all of the women that I know and am friendly with at work are married with children, and yes, they are happy and fulfilled. I think it is harder for them to squeeze everything into their lives, but they are emotionally connected to their families and somehow manage the time constraints. Granted, these women are older at this point, so their kids are all in school...I can't speak to what they experienced when their kids were babies.

Coming from another perspective, my family are all immigrants, and my parents' generation all work or worked in blue collar jobs, both men and women. These weren't "careers" but necessary jobs to help keep their families in house and home. I think they derived even more joy and fulfillment and connection from their families because their jobs offered very few benefits other than income and health insurance.

Women work for all kinds of reasons, including intellectual fulfillment and self-determination. I think the kind of emotional fulfillment they attain with their families has a lot more to do with their personal views of what family means to them and how important it is, rather than the careers dictating the place their families hold in their lives.


----------



## Caribbean Man

ScarletBegonias said:


> *I never dreamed of having a family or that kind of life.* I dreamed of having a great career,time to devote to animal rescue,and a great man to stand with me and live a happy life.
> Nothing else required to make me happy.I'm not big into the family life. Just my man,my dogs,and my career.


Are you saying that you have never dreamed of rubbing noses with a cute ,little, baby " Scarlet Begonia " while she coos 
" Owh , owwwwwh? "


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Caribbean Man said:


> Are you saying that you have never dreamed of rubbing noses with a cute ,little, baby " Scarlet Begonia " while she coos
> " Owh , owwwwwh? "


Yes I'm saying I never dreamed of that.never had that urge.

i got pregnant when i was young and stupid but it wasn't what I wanted or dreamed about.

he gets hugs and kisses from me,we have an odd relationship bc of my lack of mommy instincts.

he's a good boy.he's affectionate,warm,and happy so i guess i did something right.


----------



## Hope1964

I choose #2.


----------



## Jane_Doe

I work in retail, so I'm probably never going to feel the need to put 'career' before family/husband. If I had the kind of job that had perks such as 'sitting down' and 'health benefits' I'd feel more motivated to give it my all (work late, take on extra chores at work, etc.) but right now I prefer leaving some gas in the tank for when I get home.


----------



## Soifon

ScarletBegonias said:


> Yes I'm saying I never dreamed of that.never had that urge.


I agree. I have two children, one is still an infant the other is 5. I have never fawned over babies and don't really enjoy it but I do love kids and enjoy a family life. Not everyone likes the same things and there is no rule that all women must like babies and children. I completely understand how some don't choose that path.


----------



## Caribbean Man

norajane said:


> *Coming from another perspective, my family are all immigrants, and my parents' generation all work or worked in blue collar jobs, both men and women. These weren't "careers" but necessary jobs to help keep their families in house and home. I think they derived even more joy and fulfillment and connection from their families because their jobs offered very few benefits other than income and health insurance.*


^^^^^^^^^
This right here is the basis for another question in my mind.
Undoubtedly, men have it a lot easier than women with respect to career and family.
A married woman with a family, who wants to rise to the top in her career HAS to make tremendous sacrifices. 
Many times she sacrifices her career, to support her family.
The converse however is not true.
Men are expected to rise to the top of their careers and their wives and families are expected to support them.

With women, its seems to be the other way around.

The question is why?


----------



## Caribbean Man

Hope1964 said:


> I choose #2.


Hope,
I would absolutely love to hear your reason for choosing #2


----------



## southern wife

Caribbean Man said:


> This " Alex " fellow sounds like one, lucky dude!





I chose door # 2 because it's always been my dream to be married and have children. Granted, I only have one child, but she fills my heart with joy and love!  Until she becomes a teenager.  J/k!!!


----------



## Caribbean Man

Soifon said:


> I agree. I have two children, one is still an infant the other is 5. I have never fawned over babies and don't really enjoy it but I do love kids and enjoy a family life. Not everyone likes the same things and there is no rule that all women must like babies and children. I completely understand how some don't choose that path.


Yes,
I understand.
But I love children. My wife and I have none, because we spent much time building our business.
Maybe its not too late.


----------



## Caribbean Man

southern wife said:


> I chose door # 2 because it's always been my dream to be married and have children. Granted, I only have one child, but she fills my heart with joy and love!  *Until she becomes a teenager. * J/k!!!


When she becomes a teenager,
She will remind you of how you used to be!
Carefree...
And you will love her even MORE.


----------



## southern wife

Caribbean Man said:


> Yes,
> I understand.
> But I love children. My wife and I have none, because we spent much time building our business.
> Maybe its not too late.


I have told you before and I'm telling you now: *it's not too late!* 

I know YOU want to be a father. So go and fulfill that dream!


----------



## southern wife

Caribbean Man said:


> When she becomes a teenager,
> She will remind you of how you used to be!
> Carefree...
> And you will love her even MORE.


 is right! Gawd help me! :slap:


----------



## Hope1964

My daughter is 18 and she has been a really great teenager. Granted she was homeschooled - I think if she'd gone to high school things would have been far different.

Caribbean Man, I've been thinking about why I choose #2, and I am wondering why anyone, man or woman, would choose #1? How can a career possibly be more fulfilling than having a loving, fun family? I know to a lot of people it is, but I am not made that way. I work full time, I actually have a great job with tons of perks (free gas, vacation allowance, car allowance, tons of days off with pay, extremely flexible hours, a boss who thinks the company will fall apart if I ever leave, etc) and every day I just want to get through it and get home to hubby. I'm done raising kids (pretty much) and would love to be able to just enjoy my life now without the hassle of the 9 to 5.


----------



## CO_MOM

I would choose #2. Ever since I can remember I have dreamed of getting married and having babies. I babysat as soon as I was old enough, when my nephews and nieces came, I was extremely close to all of them, still am. And I have 3 amazing kids who have made my life complete. 
That being said, I also am lucky enough to have an awesome job where I have advanced very quickly to run the office on my own. My hours revolve around my kids schedule, I am only 5 miles from my home, and my boss is really understanding if I have a sick kid. They always come first.
So I guess I am lucky enough that I have both now, though it was family first, clear up until the kids were all in school full time.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Caribbean Man said:


> Are you saying that you have never dreamed of rubbing noses with a cute ,little, baby " Scarlet Begonia " while she coos
> " Owh , owwwwwh? "


Me, either. I missed 2 pills in a row at age 30 and have my daughter.  I knew my marriage was over and wouldn't have intentionally brought a child into that mess. I love her and have enough Mommy gene to make it work but I am NOT someone who sees a baby, even of a very good friend and goes "oh! a BABY!" and must hold. Eh. It's a baby. Seen one, seen 'em all.  No draw whatsoever to them. 

And I'm awkward w/ young children. I don't want to play with them, don't know what to say/ask. I really like my daughter being an age where we can have some interesting conversations - both with her and her friends. But I hold the "mom" line - don't cross over to be her friend - I am her mother.


----------



## Caribbean Man

CO_MOM said:


> I would choose #2. Ever since I can remember I have dreamed of getting married and having babies. I babysat as soon as I was old enough, when my nephews and nieces came, I was extremely close to all of them, still am. And I have 3 amazing kids who have made my life complete.
> *That being said, I also am lucky enough to have an awesome job where I have advanced very quickly to run the office on my own. My hours revolve around my kids schedule, I am only 5 miles from my home, and my boss is really understanding if I have a sick kid. They always come first.
> So I guess I am lucky enough that I have both now, though it was family first, clear up until the kids were all in school full time.*


WOW!:smthumbup:

You are VERY, VERY lucky!
I can see why you chose # 2!
Gives new meaning to " cake eating"


----------



## TiggyBlue

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^^^
> This right here is the basis for another question in my mind.
> Undoubtedly, men have it a lot easier than women with respect to career and family.
> A married woman with a family, who wants to rise to the top in her career HAS to make tremendous sacrifices.
> Many times she sacrifices her career, to support her family.
> The converse however is not true.
> Men are expected to rise to the top of their careers and their wives and families are expected to support them.
> 
> With women, its seems to be the other way around.
> 
> The question is why?


Because women do it, it could be the girls are generally taught that the bulk of child raising/domestic duties will be put on them.
Pretty much from a young age alot of girls are taught if/when you get married or have kids you will have to sacrifice your dreams/wants in life and will spend your life supporting others ambitions.
Some people that is their dream supporting others and are very happy living a life where they look after their family on the home front.
Whatever reason it is, it can only happens because (alot of the time) women for whatever reason willing to do it, so the whole woman/career support won't be expected for the majority.


----------



## Hope1964

Generally speaking, women are nurturers and men are providers. Part of that may be because of the way we're raised, but I think a lot of it has to do with the way we're hard-wired. That is just the way our brains think. It's evolved from the cave man bringing home meat for the cave wife to cook, to corporate man going out into the concrete jungle to get what the family needs. It's only in the last, what, 100 years that women have started demanding to be allowed to do the same stuff as men. Our biology hasn't caught up to our psychology - we're still hardwired for the female to nurture and the male to provide.


----------



## TiggyBlue

To answe the question though I have no idea what I would choose, but im in a position where im not going to have to choose.
I have my own buisness and my husband is freelance so in a couple of months when our 1st born is here he is going to be working from home half the week and im goin to be working from home half the week, that way we both will have time bonding with our baby and both keep and will both only have a slight dent in our careers.


----------



## Maricha75

I choose #2. My family IS my rewarding career. I don't have a lot of money for "extras" but I have healthy, happy kids. We have the things we need, and family surrounding us. If I could go back and do it all over again, I think the only thing I would change is the circumstances surrounding my becoming a homemaker. But I would make the choice myself, to stay home with the kids. 

It wasn't where I saw my life headed when I was a teen and even in my early twenties. But, once I met my husband, I knew this was what I wanted. Good thing, too...since it was, essentially, thrust upon me anyway! Injury from car accident... ended up getting disability because of it.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Hope1964 said:


> Generally speaking, women are nurturers and men are providers. Part of that may be because of the way we're raised, but I think a lot of it has to do with the way we're hard-wired. That is just the way our brains think. It's evolved from the cave man bringing home meat for the cave wife to cook, to corporate man going out into the concrete jungle to get what the family needs. It's only in the last, what, 100 years that women have started demanding to be allowed to do the same stuff as men. *Our biology hasn't caught up to our psychology - we're still hardwired for the female to nurture and the male to provide.*


That's an interesting perspective.
So are you saying that being a "Stay At Home Dad " , supporting a career mom is in itself a paradox vis a vis a man's 
[ evolutionary ] biology?


----------



## Caribbean Man

Coffee Amore said:


> I want to make sure I understand the question. With option #1 would the woman remain single but happy in her career and with option #2 she would be happy married but a stay at home mom? Or is Option #2 she would be happily married but could work outside the home at a somewhat basic job?


Option #1 = Single with a fulfilling [ happy ] career

Option #2= Happily married SAHM or
Happily married , with children, but working at a mediocre position in a corporate environment where she has the possibility of advancing, but cannot because of her family commitments.


----------



## Coffee Amore

I didn't dream of #2 when I was growing up. I grew up in a family that valued academics and achievement. I have relatives who went to prestigious universities. They accomplished things that are remarkable. When I was a girl, I dreamed of doing the same things. I didn't dream of being a wife and mother. It was really far from my mind. Irony is I am both now. I'm a wife and a mom. It's not a role I sought for myself. After I met my husband, I realized there was a part of me that wanted to get married. We didn't have children right away, but we eventually did. I find that fulfilling too. 
So I don't know how to answer your question. Option #2 has brought me happiness but if I couldn't work at a job I liked, I would be miserable. I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom. Option #1 if it means not having a partner to share my life with would mean loneliness. I'm glad I don't have to make a choice between either option. I feel I have the best of both worlds. I like the benefits from the job I have. It pays relatively well for where I live. The hours are very flexible plus I get a few paid days off a month. I have an easy commute. It's the kind of job that doesn't get cut in a bad economy. I feel lucky to have my job. I also feel lucky to have family.


----------



## FirstYearDown

I'd want the career. 

A man is not a financial plan and love does not always last.


----------



## Hope1964

Caribbean Man said:


> That's an interesting perspective.
> So are you saying that being a "Stay At Home Dad " , supporting a career mom is in itself a paradox vis a vis a man's
> [ evolutionary ] biology?


Yeah, I guess that is what I am saying. The fact that many guys choose to do this speaks to their ability to overcome their baser instincts, I guess. If you believe that perspective. Some would say, just like monogamous guys overcome their instinct to procreate with every available female


----------



## COGypsy

I'm #1 all the way.

I've never had even a moment's desire to have children. My work is important, challenging and fulfilling. I have great friends and an entertaining social life. Ultimately to me, my career makes me a _better_ potential partner. Since I can easily support myself, I am constantly _choosing_ to be with a partner.

I read the horrific stories here about people who would like to leave but don't have the means because they're either the sole provider or SAHM/under-employed. I find tremendous comfort in knowing that I won't be dependent in a bad situation. 

My ideal partner would be similarly ambitious and proactive. And if that partner doesn't appear, that's okay too--my life would only get better with him in it, it's a pretty good life as it stands.


----------



## Hope1964

I am not really cut out to be a stay at home mom either. I want the family and all the good stuff that goes with that, and I want my lovin man, but I don't want to rely on him, and I want someone else to clean up the poop and do all the driving


----------



## Coffee Amore

Hope1964 said:


> I am not really cut out to be a stay at home mom either. I want the family and all the good stuff that goes with that, and I want my lovin man, but I don't want to rely on him, and I want someone else to clean up the poop and do all the driving


:iagree:

I want someone to park the car in the really tight parallel parking spots and take care of things that need fixing around the house. 

I want a good man too but unless I'm disabled or unable to work, I don't want to depend only on him for financial support.

When I stayed at home during maternity leave, I was really bored. I know that's probably not very maternal of me to say, but it's the truth.


----------



## Mavash.

COGypsy said:


> I read the horrific stories here about people who would like to leave but don't have the means because they're either the sole provider or SAHM/under-employed. I find tremendous comfort in knowing that I won't be dependent in a bad situation.


this is why I have no regrets over choosing #1 originally. I'm not dependent on anyone financially even though I'm a homemaker. If he weren't around I could easily support myself. That comforts me.


----------



## Hope1964

I was bored when I was home after my first baby was born!!! I think I AM cut out to be a stay-at-home grandmother though.


----------



## Red Sonja

I had both however if forced to choose only one I would choose #1. The reason is because, due to my dysfunctional family, I had already raised two children that were born to close relatives by the time I was 25. And so, by the time I got married at age 30, I had decided not to have kids of my own (H was of like mind). However, be careful what you plan for because I inherited another child at age 42 (from H’s family).


----------



## Cosmos

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^^^
> This right here is the basis for another question in my mind.
> Undoubtedly, men have it a lot easier than women with respect to career and family.
> A married woman with a family, who wants to rise to the top in her career HAS to make tremendous sacrifices.
> Many times she sacrifices her career, to support her family.
> The converse however is not true.
> Men are expected to rise to the top of their careers and their wives and families are expected to support them.
> 
> With women, its seems to be the other way around.
> 
> _The question is why?_


Because despite equal education / employment opportunities, society hasn't moved beyond what was once traditionally expected of the genders, and it's my guess that it will take us another 50 years before we do.

There are still men who feel emasculated by a wife who earns more than them, and there are still women who expect men to support them. Until that mindset changes, the status quo will remain the same.


----------



## Dollystanford

honestly? career - not saying I don't enjoy having a man in my life but I like my independence, I like to be able to buy what I want, I like the validation that comes from doing a good job

I don't want any more kids, once she's flown the nest I can do whatever I like. I've been tied down long enough, I used to be a free spirit and I'm just starting to get that back again


----------



## chillymorn

southern wife said:


> I'll pick door #2, Alex!


don't you mean Bob alex was jepordy Bob was price is right!


----------



## southern wife

Alex, Bob, Drew.....


----------



## underwater2010

2] Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.

*I would chose number 2. It is the only place where you are truly excepted for who you are. Also, it is very hard to be replaced as a mother. I get my rewards for a job well done via hugs, kisses and tears with support each and every night. Work you only get rewards 1-3 times per year in the form of a review.*


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm a home/self/spiritual kind of person.

I believe that work is something that you can do both to be fulfilled and to earn money, to finance the rest of your life. 

The way you live the rest of your life should be in balance with your financial ability, in the way of not outspending, but also in terms of adding benefit/meaning to your life without needing money, or while conserving it. 

I work in research that is on the whole meaningful to me. Most of the time I work from home. I don't always work full time, and I don't always work, I have periods of time, usually by choice, between research projects. I'm a parent to two grade-school children and one college student. 

I also have work for which I'm not paid money, but am building up a portfolio, or working in barter. 

Your jobs can come and go as needed, but yourself and your family is forever. 

We are born naked, without jobs. When things go right, we evolve our talents according to societal needs, and there is an area of win-win when it comes to earning money and providing goods or services that are desired by others. 

I try to be open-minded about 'work' and what is going to make for a sustainable lifestyle. 

My work reflects myself. I'm curious about things, and enjoy the arts as well as the sciences, how humans make decisions, as well as maps and literature/language/film. I work as a data manager/analyst when paid and as a writer for the arts when unpaid. So I get to ply my talent in a variety of work that meets my needs to explore as well as, well, to feel needed in return. I also bake, and I'm contemplating a job where I would be baking at least part-time, or selling baked goods at farmer's markets or working as a personal chef or providing stuff for catering.

You can see as a cognitive decision scientist I successfully circumvented the false dichotomy in the original question


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *1]* Fulfilling Career , that puts you on top of your game . One that you have always dreamed of.
> 
> Or,
> 
> *2]* Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.
> 
> *And why?*


I never wanted #1 ......though had I went to College, Psychology would have been my choice, always loved it... Would have been a breeze for me. 

I was an only child with a less than ideal upbringing -Mother left me for an Alcoholic running off to another state & Step Mother was MEAN & didn't want me there.....I hated being an only child... I felt ripped off....I envied my friends who had larger families, siblings to fight with....the closeness - they allowed me to be a part of that... the chaos even....it INSPIRED ME......I wanted that for my future someday... that family experience....to make up for what I felt was denied me. 

I learned , especially from my Mothers example... how NOT to go about LIFE & LOVE....but to pursue MY hearts desires ....not what others felt I should do... (that is what she did & it did NOT lead to happiness- but regrets)... I also felt I missed that mother /daughter connection - that it was ripped from my life... I wanted that experience too - I used to pray over this scripture - for a daughter of my own >>










I've forever been a *Romantic*.....and I just admired the Traditional Role in families... I felt it held the best atmosphere for children to be raised...where Mom was readily available...I find it ultimately fulfilling... always have...maybe I watched too many Waltons / Little House on the Prairie episodes growing up, I don't know! The Proverbs 31 woman was my ideal... 

I was very blessed to meet my husband as young as I did... we had the same dreams, or maybe he just went along with me, though he will say they were the same. Had I wanted a career and no kids, that too would have been OK with him I believe, but he is such a great father that would have been a waste....Truly. 

So yeah ....*#2* was ALWAYS the cry and prayer of my







... I've never wavered in that... and feel very blessed I was able to find such a







at a very young age...and we've shared all of these years together walking hand in hand ~ in our dreams.


----------



## Caribbean Man

I must say that the last three answers really made me smile, and think.

Underwater2010 said:
"....I would chose number 2. *It is the only place where you are truly excepted for who you are. **Also, it is very hard to be replaced as a mother........."*

I am at a stage of my life where I've come to the realization that money and success cannot replace the joy of being truly loved and appreciated as a parent.
Human beings were designed to reproduce.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:
*"........I believe that work is something that you can do both to be fulfilled and to earn money, to finance the rest of your life. *

The way you live the rest of your life should be in balance with your financial ability, in the way of not outspending, but also in terms of adding benefit/meaning to your life without needing money, or while conserving it..........."
^^^^^^^^
In many cases this is true. A lot of women I know who are at the top of their careers are miserable deep inside. Three of my female friends, one a lawyer, and the other two are at the top of their careers in National Security, are chronic gamblers. The lawyer is single, never married,and the other two are married,with children , and they are at the top of their career.All three of them are dissatisfied and miserable.
They love the status the job brings, but their personal lives are horrible.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Simply Amorous said:
"........The Proverbs 31 woman was my ideal... "

As a young man, my mother gave me a plaque with that
" Proverbs 31" quotation on it.
I never really took it to heart, because I never wanted to get married.
But two verses always stuck in my head.

[ A]"....She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard....."

*".......Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value...."

My wife was the only woman who possessed [A] which was important to ME.

Today, I can say that [ B], I have full confidence in her. She is my business partner.*


----------



## LovesHerMan

Of course we would all like to have both, but if forced to choose, I would pick #2.

At work you are valued for what you do. You are only as good as your latest project. You have to keep up with the competition, and you can feel like commodity, always striving to appease the marketplace.

At home you are valued for who you are. You do not have to put on a false show to be what you think that others want from you. You are loved for your strengths, and your weaknesses are supported and tolerated. You can be your true self when you are loved by your family. You feel special in a way that you never can with work achievements.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Caribbean Man said:


> In many cases this is true. A lot of women I know who are at the top of their careers are miserable deep inside. Three of my female friends, one a lawyer, and the other two are at the top of their careers in National Security, are chronic gamblers. The lawyer is single, never married,and the other two are married,with children , and they are at the top of their career.All three of them are dissatisfied and miserable.
> They love the status the job brings, but their personal lives are horrible.


I also know people in marriages who are miserable inside. Take a look at how many there are just on TAM! 

This question though presents a false dichotomy. Rarely in life is one promised either option. You don't know going into a career if you'll be at the top of it. You don't know getting married that your spouse will be good to you. Getting married though is far bigger gamble than embarking on a career.

Option 2 seems to me a fairytale. That Prince Charming who loves you and takes care of you. 

I've seen women give up their careers to be stay at home moms only to find out their husband gambled the money away or cheated on them or worse both. Then without any current job skills they have to eke out a living doing minimum wage jobs. I'd rather bet on myself and my job skills. I suppose I lucked out finding my husband but I don't think women who choose option 1 are lesser women or unhappy. Different strokes for different folks.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Coffee Amore said:


> I also know people in marriages who are miserable inside. Take a look at how many there are just on TAM!
> 
> This question though presents a false dichotomy. Rarely in life is one promised either option. You don't know going into a career if you'll be at the top of it. You don't know getting married that your spouse will be good to you. Getting married though is far bigger gamble than embarking on a career.
> 
> Option 2 seems to me a fairytale. That Prince Charming who loves you and takes care of you.
> 
> I've seen women give up their careers to be stay at home moms only to find out their husband gambled the money away or cheated on them or worse both. Then without any current job skills they have to eke out a living doing minimum wage jobs. I'd rather bet on myself and my job skills. I suppose I lucked out finding my husband but I don't think women who choose option 1 are lesser women or unhappy. Different strokes for different folks.


Well the truth be told,
I never said that option #1 and #2 were the only options_ in real life_

It was meant to be a simple exercise, not a scientific or any other type of poll.

I just gave a scenario, and two choices in that scenario.
The question asked was :

*Ladies, which one would you prefer and why,
If you had to choose between*

Had I not presented a false dichotomy, everyone would have simply chosen a mixture of both #1 and #2 which is the ideal.

However, life is far from ideal, as we can clearly see from the tone of the responses here.

I think Homemaker_Numero_Uno got the gist of the exercise and gave the best answer.


----------



## dixieangel

#2 is more important in my opinion. A career won't love you unconditionally, visit you when you are ill, share experiences and memories with you, care for you when you are elderly...or hold your hand when you leave this earth. Without love, you are not really living.

I heard this once and have always remembered...

You come into the world crying surrounded by those that love you smiling....live your life so that when you leave this world, you will be smiling and those that love you will be crying...


----------



## fortheloveofit2

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think to make both work you have to hire help where you can (housekeeper, nanny) and be very good with time management and know when to turn off the phone/laptop and focus on your mate.


I am going to email this to my wife...:smthumbup:


----------



## waiwera

My H and I have both been self employed most of our married life. We both work so we can live... never the other way round.

We have 3 sons and i stayed home (worked from home as well). It was something we both wanted. 

If the bills are paid and there's a few extra dollars in the bank we'll go fishing or play in our gardens rather than work.

Neither of us are materialistic or career minded...more partner orientated. We spend waaaaay more than the recommended 15 hours a week minimum together. We could spend that much in one day. It would drive some folk mad I'm sure but it works for us.


----------



## Caribbean Man

waiwera said:


> My H and I have both been self employed most of our married life. We both work so we can live... never the other way round.
> 
> We have 3 sons and i stayed home (worked from home as well). It was something we both wanted.
> 
> If the bills are paid and there's a few extra dollars in the bank we'll go fishing or play in our gardens rather than work.
> 
> Neither of us are materialistic or career minded...more partner orientated. *We spend waaaaay more than the recommended 15 hours a week minimum together. We could spend that much in one day. It would drive some folk mad I'm sure but it works for us.*


:iagree:

My wife and I are like that , except we don't have any children.
If we don't feel like working today, we can spend the whole day exploring each other,on the beach , in the bathroom or on the bed.
But I agree 100% with your opening sentence.
Work to live, not live to work.
I think people need to find balance in their own lives. Invest in themselves so that they would reap the intangibles.

Everybody DIES, but not everybody truly,
LIVES.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

abitlost said:


> Because women do it, it could be the girls are generally taught that the bulk of child raising/domestic duties will be put on them.
> Pretty much from a young age alot of girls are taught if/when you get married or have kids you will have to sacrifice your dreams/wants in life and will spend your life supporting others ambitions.
> Some people that is their dream supporting others and are very happy living a life where they look after their family on the home front.


 This is true....for some...it is our dream, I NEVER looked at it as a sacrifice at all, not for a day. I consider it a privilege...and a blessing, the highest calling even. 

I feel our life would be very uneventful without children in it... they bring so much JOY into our lives, and laughter....being able to inspire & mold these little souls and give them precious memories -watching them grow & experience friendships of their own, hear their laughter fill our house, find romantic love as they grow into adults, speading their own wings, leaving this nest......I guess I get off on stuff like this... 

We have picked up some amazing friends along the way in the parents of their friends. Sure, sometimes we want to pull our hair out too, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.










I only babysat 2 times in my life before I had my 1st son...a neighbors boys & they were more like friends. I was extremely inexperienced with babies when I had him....I used to say our son was the 1st baby I ever held ! Maybe the 2nd .....I was never the type that goes around cooing & wanting to pick up every baby I seen....I still don't do that... it is just different somehow when they are your own flesh & blood... it just all rushes in naturally. Plus I read a lot of books during pregnancy....on what to do with these little beings.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Door number 2 for sure!

I was aiming for door number 1 when my husband found me and swept me off my feet! I was studying meteorology in college. Everything moved so quickly that I quit school and married my husband. Soon after that I quit my job to stay home and raise the children. I couldn't ask for a better more fulfilling life to live.


----------



## Caribbean Man

I used to be involved with a woman who was about 12 years older than me. She was employed and made some money. Pretty woman, strong independent everything. [ I was always attracted to that type ]
But she had daddy issues, and was a control freak.
To make matters worse,she began talking marriage.
I took off fast. She never knew why.
We only lasted 3 months.

After my wife and I got married, things got rocky and we headed to the MC.
One of the problems was that I was highly motivated and had big dreams,and I thought she was not.
I was WRONG.
Her big dream was getting married,and being the wife to support her husband,
Unconditionally.
Doesn't sound big?
Well without her support, I really don't think I would have been where I am today financially.
She stayed with me through some of the worst financial times of my life. She could have left.

Not every woman wants to lead a career oriented life.
Not every woman was cut out for the rigours of marriage and family life

Some women love the home maker role,doesn't mean they are lesser women. Once they are HAPPY.
Some women are highly motivated to go and achieve, therin they find TRUE HAPPINESS.

But it is wrong to assume that because some women stay at home and support their husbands,and find themselves unhappy, that all women are better off choosing to option #1.

Because there are lots of women who chose option #1, reached to the top of their game, and are still UNHAPPY.

Personal satisfaction and happiness ranks high with me. 
Any man would tell you they prefer a SAHM who's happy than a career oriented wife who's bytchy,demanding and unhappy.
Te converse can also be true.A SAHM can be bytchy and demanding.

My wife quit her job and stayed at home. We worked together,built a business and today she is way better off than many 
" career oriented" women. But to me what is most important is that she's happy.


----------



## StoneAngel

Lots of great stuff in this thread, but I will go back to the original question and that is one of preference. I think initially before marriage and even in its early stages, most women would tell you their preference is to have both! There are a few exceptions to this. Some women just know that they are not the maternal, 
care-giving type, and have determined that their fullfillment in life does not come from a family, and the sacrifices and support a family requires. I think this is rare, but these women do exist. Likewise there are those women who from the outset believe their true purpose is to nurture and that their identity is one of mother and wife. Again I think this is rare. I applaud both of these types of women for knowing themselves so well, but I believe the majority of women want both. 
I don't think it is gender specific either. I think if you were to ask the question to a young man, I believe he would say that he wants rapid career advancement, professional praise and acknowledgement, money in the bank, toys in the garage and the time and space to play with them, the social-life of a single guy with his friends, but the constant love of a good woman and her support which proves to him that he is the best thing in the world, and most importantly for he as a father to see the wonder in his children's eye.
It takes a lot of sacrifice and growth to figure out that we can't have it all. There are not enough hours in the day, or money in the bank. For all the extra hours you spend at work, going the distance, to climb the ladder....and get more money in the bank, is time away from your family and an opportunity for your children to say daddy/mommy is never home. The want for the toys, the BMW/the Coach Bag (pick your poison) has too many living in debt beyond their means with no security etc. The examples are endless. I thin in order to be happy you need to be humble enough to know that you can't have it all. Then it becomes easier to figure out what the tings are that make you truly happy.
I am happiest in the arms and comfort of my friend and lover: My Husband.....but I need public praise every once in a while to be truly fullfilled.


----------



## Jellybeans

Both
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anonymous07

Caribbean Man said:


> If you had to choose between a;
> 
> 1] Fulfilling Career , that puts you on top of your game . One that you have always dreamed of.
> 
> Or,
> 
> 2] Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.
> 
> And why?
> 
> _The assumption behind the question is that you can't have both , probably because of a give circumstance at a particular point and time._
> 
> I just thought that I would ask because I've heard so many women talk about it.


I'll pick door #2. 

I live off of the idea that I work to live and will not live to work. Of course we want to make sure that we have enough money to have a stable, happy life, but the 'fulfillment' from work is not the same as the fulfillment that comes from family. I slightly changed my career path to better fit a family lifestyle and I don't regret it at all. I can no longer picture myself going through medical school, residency, and doing long hours at the hospital. I'm still working in the medical field, but just doing things that are not so demanding of my time and energy. I'd much rather spend my time with my husband and children(someday).


----------



## that_girl

I have both.

Got my career in 2001. I always wanted to be a teacher. Ever since I was 8. 

Then I fell in love with the man of my dreams and married and have the family of my dreams. And I'm still a teacher. 

I'm home by 3, take care of the house and kids, cook dinner and hubs gets home around 6:30 and we hang out until bedtime with the kids and then alone.

I love my life.


----------



## Lyris

I don't think there would be many people, male or female, who would choose a career over ever having a loving relationship. Nearly everyone wants to find love.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Last night I turned on the TV and sat & watched a segment on Oprah... now she is a woman who is living her dreams, one heck of a career & influence on people, a blessing... no children, no husband...it's just not something on her radar...... a success, an understatement....but in reality....she has MANY children who love & adore her, near worship the ground she walks on....for her compassion on the less fortunate of our world...those South African girls who she's given the Education of a lifetime. 

This is her hearts desire...even that was due to her own upbringing , those girls reminded her of herself. 

She went on to describe a moment she was most touched by....seeing their sheer JOY just entering a room with PLUMBING, the amazement on their faces ~ jumping for joy that WOW, they didn't have to carry their water for washing... opening up their worlds... Yes, I think we all ought to LIVE our dreams, whatever they may BE.....when we give unselfishly to others, this blesses us. 

Some of us may be someone very small in this world, our sphere of influence ~ just a pebble in a pond.... and Oprahs is a Carnival Cruise on the wide & vast ocean... but when one lives their passion before others....this is catchy and it influences others for Good.


----------



## Cosmos

that_girl said:


> I have both.
> 
> Got my career in 2001. I always wanted to be a teacher. Ever since I was 8.
> 
> Then I fell in love with the man of my dreams and married and have the family of my dreams. And I'm still a teacher.
> 
> I'm home by 3, take care of the house and kids, cook dinner and hubs gets home around 6:30 and we hang out until bedtime with the kids and then alone.
> 
> I love my life.


To me, that is the ideal scenario. A husband, children and the stimulation of a career you enjoy.


----------



## that_girl

My career gives me freedom to be home at good hours and be off with my kids during breaks.  
_
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”_ -- John Lennon.


----------



## Caribbean Man

that_girl said:


> My career gives me freedom to be home at good hours and be off with my kids during breaks.
> _
> *“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”*_ -- John Lennon.


:smthumbup:

"....Everybody dies, but not everybody lives..."


----------



## Cosmos

that_girl said:


> My career gives me freedom to be home at good hours and be off with my kids during breaks.
> _
> “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”_ -- John Lennon.


And the added bonus is the excellent example you're setting for your kids. A happy and fulfilled mother, whether she goes out to work or stays at home, is the greatest gift a child can have.


----------



## that_girl

It's a balance. I don't bring work home. I don't put work first.


----------



## Pandakiss

My husband and I chose the second option. Money comes and goes. Jobs are fickle one week you are a star on the team, next you are being let go. 

We are the only ones who stand by each other. At one point we both worked, it was awful. We were tired and hungry and the house was a disaster. We basically went to work (we didn't have a car so about 4 hours a day on the bus) took care of our daughter and slept. 

Sex was a no go, who wanted to cook after being out for 11 hours, clean??, yea right. We had different days off except for Sunday's and I was out with my mom (she had a car) doing laundry and at the store. 

I worked m-f 8-4 he picked up the late shift. He always got home at 2/3/4 on Friday Saturday nites. We bickered constantly. 

I could just stop going. So I did. I picked up work when he was in between jobs, but he was unhappy. He needed to work and I needed peace. So I left employment to him. 

Now we eat together and watch tv together and sex seems to get better every year. We can spend hours together everyday.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Pandakiss said:


> *Now we eat together and watch tv together and sex seems to get better every year. We can spend hours together everyday*.


Early in our marriage, I read somewhere that a lot of the problems in marriage are linked in some way to sex and money.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Pandakiss said:


> I worked m-f 8-4 he picked up the late shift. He always got home at 2/3/4 on Friday Saturday nites.


 This sounds a little like us in our earlier marriage......I worked alot more then during the 2 yrs we lived in the house we wanted to sell....as soon as he would hit the door, I was off- threw a kiss in passing.... because we didn't want to burden relatives with babysitting our son & paying anyone was defeating the purpose entirely.... the goal was saving for a big down payment on a country home & property....

He would always tell me we didn't need the extra $$ & he preferred me being home (just his opinion- he missed our time together)... One year we figured how much I made in 6 months as a Cashier... after taxes taken out...the gas, wear & tear on the car, the sacrifice of time....it just wasn't worth it, then I got pregnant with #2 .. so that was our answer....to slow things down. 

How those years affected the bedroom







...... He was more in the mood in the AM, I was more in the mood at night - by then, he was conked out- so I would go do things that needed done in the house - then I'd be half zonked when he brushed up against me in the am/ raring to go....so the missing each other slowly began.....and we just didn't talk about it.....we just kept DOING... we lost site of ourselves in the process ~ it became more about our future ~ than enjoying the here & now. 



> Now we eat together and watch tv together and sex seems to get better every year. We can spend hours together everyday.


I can relate to this... there is just more time...for each other, without feeling we have to rush home, do this, do that. Though I do not regret the extra working... it helped get us where we are today ~ and that was the purpose back then.. though we could have managed *our time* better in not missing each other, had we just talked about it's importance.... this I do regret.


----------



## Lyris

It's sad that it's almost always women who have to make this choice.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Lyris said:


> It's sad that it's almost always women who have to make this choice.


A woman's life is one of constantly having to make adjustments.


----------



## Pandakiss

Caribbean Man said:


> Early in our marriage, I read somewhere that a lot of the problems in marriage are linked in some way to sex and money.



Yep. Money, sex, and kids. We decided to not argue about money. It's a waste of time. Money is like sand. The tighter you hold on to it, the more it slips through your fingers....hold it with a open hand and the wind carries it away. 

Kids....well kids are going to be kids. Can't change that. 

Ours was sex. For a good while. That's why it gets better every year. You grow up and state things you like and dislike. And figure out personal hang ups, and take time work through things. 

I've made my husband my job. Right or wrong.


----------



## Pinkme

I chose #2. Why? because it is what I thought I didnt want but found out it was exactly what I wanted. I am lucky to be a SAHM being the mom I want to be and a wife my H desires.


----------



## Desperate_Housewife

I choose 2. 

A career means nothing to me. Love of a good man and family is all that is important in life.


----------



## TiggyBlue

If I absolutely choose I would have to go for option,
just for the fact i have adhd and my business is pretty much what keeps me somewhat sane lol


----------



## loveisforever

Hope1964 said:


> My daughter is 18 and she has been a really great teenager. Granted she was homeschooled - I think if she'd gone to high school things would have been far different.
> 
> Caribbean Man, I've been thinking about why I choose #2, and I am wondering why anyone, man or woman, would choose #1? How can a career possibly be more fulfilling than having a loving, fun family? I know to a lot of people it is, but I am not made that way. I work full time, I actually have a great job with tons of perks (free gas, vacation allowance, car allowance, tons of days off with pay, extremely flexible hours, a boss who thinks the company will fall apart if I ever leave, etc) and every day I just want to get through it and get home to hubby. I'm done raising kids (pretty much) and would love to be able to just enjoy my life now without the hassle of the 9 to 5.


My wife is the opposite of you. She is dreaming of a career like yours and have her emotional need meet at work. Why at work but not at home? Because there are so many people at work who are easy to please and get a paid back praise. These attentions fulfill her needs to feel good. At home, it is only me. I tried my best to give her luxuries but can not keep up with her demand. Besides, I am a "nice guy " who she lost respect with. So, she is unhappy to stay at home, and try to find a job that is easy and well paid, and can fit her who has little real education and skills. But the economy is sucks now....My poor wife...Where is the Palace that my little princess can work? It is all Obama's fault.

So, my wife's choice: #1, absolutely. She said," you can not depend on others".


----------



## Snookums

#2 Falling in love with the man of my dreams & having the family I always dreamed of because that's what life is all about as far as I'm concerned. I work to live not live to work.


----------



## missmolly

I think I would have failed at both options. 

It wasn't until I had a good balance that I wasn't either exhausted and irritable (full time career) or feeling somewhat unfulfilled (SAHM). 

Working a couple of days per week and keeping my work skills up gave me a sense of security knowing that I could walk back in at anytime should the need arise. 

HOWEVER, we both agreed recently that if given the chance to relive our lives, we would have had more children (we have 3) and focused less on other things. 
My income from part time work could have covered extra household help.


----------



## lilith23

I can't say that I'm very ambitious and that my current career path is my dream career path. But I see a dream path as something that is meaningful to a person, something that a person builds through all these years.
I could only imagine myself what if I actually chose the artist's path back then. What if I become part of a company and what I do is meaningful? What if I come to produce an animation movie that inspires the world, something that I dreamed of doing?
I don't think that such a dream is comparable to just having a job that we like and enjoy and can progress, but does not have such a deep meaning for us.

Currently, I have a job that I enjoy and a career path that allows growth and I also have a few goals I'd like to attain even if I'm not really ambitious. I'm not sure what I would think if I have pursued the path that was really meaningful, but for me, I feel a strong need to have someone to share my life with, so that I might feel empty if I don't have a partner even if I achieve something really meaningful.

Yet I just wanted to say that I don't think that it's just easy to say that the #2 option will always be the correct option.


----------



## heartsbeating

This question made me reflect on what I thought about growing up. It seems to me that part of maturing is recognizing life has its own rhythm. We can dream and try to make those dreams reality but we can't control life and its important we stay open to learn and experience.

I didn't dream of either of these things growing up. I knew I had passions that needed to be expressed. I had to be creative. I didnt consider career in the way some might. I'm content in the balance I have at the moment because I'm aware that following the creative passions as a career would mean sacrificing other things that my current job affords me. I admire people who live their passion. Right now where I'm at, my job helps fund my passions as a hobby. I follow my instinct and this feels right for me, and for us as a couple, for now. 

I never dreamed of being married or the big romance yet I do remember my mother telling me, when i was about 7, that one day a man would love me for all that I was and the things I was insecure about. That sentiment lodged in my mind and I am grateful for my husband. We are romantic together. However, the big romance, well that's just illusion. It's the solid grounding that is the really important stuff.

I enjoy sharing the excitement of my passions with my husband. I like that we share in each others dreams as well as those moments of disillusionment, and the journey that both these things can bring.


----------



## honeysuckle rose

southern wife;I pick door #1.
I said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/size]


----------



## honeysuckle rose

FirstYearDown said:


> I'd want the career.
> 
> A man is not a financial plan and love does not always last.


SAY IT AGAIN, SISTER!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man

honeysuckle rose said:


> southern wife;I pick door #1.
> I said:
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/size]
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think you should think that its " sad ."
> Life is about experiences and our experiences help shape our perception and our reality.
> Sometimes we didn't get the things we hoped for, and decide to try something else.
> Nothing's wrong with that IMO.
> Especially if its what makes you happy!
> 
> But I think every woman should try to strike a balance. The two options could work hand in hand.
Click to expand...


----------



## honeysuckle rose

Reaching a balance is optimal. I guess I am disenchanted w/ marriage. CM, you always have such excellent posts & helpful replies. You are truly an asset to this forum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man

honeysuckle rose said:


> *Reaching a balance is optimal. I guess I am disenchanted w/ marriage. *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I understand .
It is a sad reality. But whatever you do, seek happiness.
You know what they say,
" Life is too short........"



PS:Thank You for your kind words!


----------

