# Husband Manipulative



## Overworkedlady (Jul 24, 2015)

Been married for 22 years, husband acting abnormally bothered because I don't want to get in another car loan for a new truck. My husband just finally paid his current truck off, and it is in great condition, he promised when he purchased it 5 years ago he would keep it until it is broken, however my husband now wants to sell it! I still have another year to pay off mine, my daughter will be attending college next year, she will need help to get a vehicle, and help with tuition. We have another child as well. He smokes to, so already that is an expense, and now because I don't agree he threatens to leave me, he gets verbally abusive at times, he tries to manipulate with threats, I mean our marriage is severly suffering. I explained financially it is not a good idea right now, but he complains he is a man and he can do as he pleases. However he still wants me to help pay the mortgage? Need help!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do both of you have jobs outside the home?

What % of the joint income do you bring in?

Is he like this with a lot of things?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Detach and separate. It will give you a chance for better clarity.

You have to ask yourself, why you are in this type of environment. Is this the type of person you would want your daughter or son to be married to?

So change you first and and learn that he does not have power over you if you choose not to give it. When he threatens you, he is hoping you surrender to him. And when you surrender, it is a choice that you make. You need to learn to be strong and a separate entity from him. If you lose him, it is not much of a loss.


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## Overworkedlady (Jul 24, 2015)

We both work full time, he makes more than me, however also spends more. I am very low maintenance person, take care of our home, kids, and always have given in because has anger episodes, and I just want peace.


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## Overworkedlady (Jul 24, 2015)

Mr. Fisty you are right, I don't want my daughter with someone like him. He is a good person, but very dramatic and has anger problems when I don't agree on ideas.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

He may not just have anger issues, but emotional maturity as well. So work on you first. Change you, and you change your environment.

Tbh, you are dealing with an adult/child. He throws a tantrum and tries overpowering you to get his way.

If you want something to stop, you stand your ground or walk away from this relationship. Make it a boundary that you will be treated with respect. If he cannot provide you with that relational need, then you will be miserable with someone like that anyways and being single is better than being with him. At least when you are single, you will have more time and energy to focus on yourself and grow. Being with him has stopped you from growing as an individual. Does he make you better as a person, or worse, someone you do not like? Tbh, with you as an enabler of this type of behavior, it has had a reinforcing effect on his. So, if this makes logical sense, take the logical steps to create a path on how you want your life to be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Overworkedlady said:


> We both work full time, he makes more than me, however also spends more. I am very low maintenance person, take care of our home, kids, and always have given in because has anger episodes, and I just want peace.


Your relationship might be fixable. But you do stay with it, give is a time limit... say 6 months. If things are not significantly better then you might want to seriously think about moving on.

My suggestion is that you get tell him that either he go to counseling with you, get into anger management and work on the relationship or you are done. It very often takes that kind of confrontation to get some people to take you seriously.

Before you confront him, there are some things that I think would help you to read. So read them BEFORE you decide what to do.

Here is some reading for you....

The Policy of Joint Agreement

And 2 books

"Love Busters" by Dr. Harely

"His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Harely


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## Overworkedlady (Jul 24, 2015)

Thank you Mr. Fisty I am working on standing my ground, and you are right about his maturity. Wish he could see and understand. Thanks for the advice.


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## Overworkedlady (Jul 24, 2015)

Thank you Elegirl, I did ask him to go to marriage counseling, but he refused, he says everything is my fault. That I have to let him do as he pleases. I will definitely look into those books, Appreciate the information.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Overworkedlady said:


> Been married for 22 years, husband acting abnormally bothered because I don't want to get in another car loan for a new truck. My husband just finally paid his current truck off, and it is in great condition, he promised when he purchased it 5 years ago he would keep it until it is broken, however my husband now wants to sell it! I still have another year to pay off mine, my daughter will be attending college next year, she will need help to get a vehicle, and help with tuition. We have another child as well. He smokes to, so already that is an expense, and now because I don't agree he threatens to leave me, he gets verbally abusive at times, he tries to manipulate with threats, I mean our marriage is severly suffering. I explained financially it is not a good idea right now, but he complains he is a man and he can do as he pleases. However he still wants me to help pay the mortgage? Need help!


I think the solution is to add up what is spent each month on his unhealthy habit of smoking. Once that figure is obtained advise your H is he quits the smokes that money saved can go towards his new truck. His old truck you give or sell to your daughter at a reasonable price. Use that money as a down payment on the new truck.


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