# Adulteress ex-wife being nice to me - freaking me out



## Indy Nial

So, EA was over summer 2010, separated in Jan 2011 and divorced Sept 2011.

I've had all the usual crap with her trying to justify her affair, the longest running theme being her blame-shifting and getting angry with me. Any little thing I said she would react to and accuse me of all sorts, call me names etc.. Not aggressively just sharp texts.

Since just before Christmas she has started being friendly with me, waved at me once in town, adds extra small talk onto txts, etc.

Unlike her previous interactions with me she seems genuine now. She seems to do things for me, eg, I need to to drop my daughter off so I could go somewhere, she texts and offers to be back as quick as she can, texts me saying she is almost home, then texts me when she is there. Very unusual for her.

Then yesterday she wants to know if I can print off some picture of a famous historical person. I just text back saying why doesn't she use some of our wedding photos as we posed next to a statue of the historical person. I get an angry you're unbelievable, this isn't for her its for our daughter etc.

This is more like the woman I've come to know, cant be bothered arguing to just text "???". Don't hear anything.

Then today she sends me a text telling me she may have over reacted, that she thought I was being sarcastic cos I mentioned the wedding photos but anyway - she was sorry, she now realise I was just trying to help.

I don't know how to react to this person, I got so used to her being unreasonable that its just really weird having her being so nice.

Maybe she is actually starting to feel guilt, compassion? remorse? Is it a trick?

Anyone else experienced this?


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## gonefishin

I would not read into this to much. Take everything at face value. She probably wants to get along for the sake of your daughter. She must realize, she has done some damage to your daughter at some level.


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## aug

Divorced. It's over. Be civil for your daughter's sake. Move forward.

Dont over read her actions.


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## Sparkles422

Indy:
I found when I analyze my ex, it's because I haven't let go, yet. And I haven't. It's that simple, you still care and there is no shame in that.

I think all of us will reach a point that it truly will not matter. If there is an occasion where an answer is necessary we will give it and if there isn't we will ignore it.

We will not ponder motives, we will simply be uninterested.

Hope to reach that freedom soon.


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## Indy Nial

I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. I don't want to reconcile, I'm the one that pushed the divorce through. Yes, I still have some feelings for her and probably always will at some level.

The bit that's thrown me is the change in behaviour, cold and distant to warm. After building up a layer of.defense for so long it feels very strange not having to have a force field up. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this.

She was round the other night dropping some stuff off and was almost flirting with me. I just said thanks for bringing the stuff round - see ya. She then sent me a text "you are lovely", I didn't respond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wheels65

I've seen this but I think my ex is bi-polar


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## notreadytoquit

I think all of our WS are bi polar or at least show those tendencies. Poster Ing also has a similar story to yours. I think I saw it on the Coping with INfidelity forum.


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## Limping

Well I see it often but my Ex is diagnosed Bi-Polar and took herself off her meds, because she has gotten better." Probably has something to do with her throwing our children out of her house at 3am in 30 degree weather, calling me to come get "my" children.

Sure enough a week later she calls trying to see the girls again etc. Like nothing happened.

Bill


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## southbound

I've had a similar situation. When my x wife divorced me, things were edgy at first. She was always in a grouchy mood about something. Now, she is pleasant. We only talk business, but she is pleasant now and we haven't had a disagreement in months now. 

It could be that she sees that being civil is best for the kids, or she may see she made a mistake. Her new boyfriend dumped her and is already engaged to someone else. Who knows.


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## LovesHerMan

Some possible explanations:

She is coming out of the affair fog, realizes the difficulties of life on her own, and only now appreciates what you provided for her in your marriage.

She is fishing to see if she still has any power over you.

She does want to get along for the sake of the children.

Since she doesn't have the irritations of daily living together, she is remembering what she loved about you.

It is best to be cool toward her, to keep interactions pleasant but not emotional. You will heal better if you don't get drawn into any drama with her.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach

possible explanation...

she's evil. A wretched, manipulative little harpy. like the sirens. she's singing to lure you closer to the rocks. be wary.

lol.


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