# S e p a r a t i o n...



## 2TheFuture (Oct 24, 2011)

Hi TAM members, I have had the privilege of reading many threads before I decided to post my own. So here goes...

I have been separated 9 months and I can tell you it's been the most self destructive, anxious, terrifying 9 months I have ever endured yet looking back I have to also admit it's been the most adventurous, self-discovering and remarkably surprising 9 months.

My wife and I were together for a little over 11 years however only married for three (so far... ) we got married mainly because she fell pregnant with our gorgeous little boy, although we were pretty happy it was something we agreed needed to be done before the birth of our child (big mistake i know!!)

My wife currently resides with her parents and our little boy (now just a little over three) and has been since we separated. I reside on my own not too far away and also have been since we separated.

Our separation has included many hours of contact, visiting, sleeping over, texts and telephone calls most of them regarding our son and others regarding how we feel (not honestly i imagine). In the beginning of our separation I did what seems many do, begged, pleaded and promised not understanding the damage I was causing to our what had been relationship. I spent many nights not knowing what to do with myself, I couldn't eat, think, work or even gather the energy to pick myself out of bed in the morning. The anxiety was overwhelming and seamlessly never ending. 

I fought through the tough times and with lots of emotional support from family I managed to pull myself through day by day. I saw my support as an addiction, a temporary fix for the feelings of blackness and anxiety.

I wont entertain all the details of our separation and/or the logistics surrounding the issues because we wouldn't be here if we didn't share the common factor being "separation", in reality that is the only undeniable truth. Every other faction or action is just a result towards the outcome. 

My wife after 9 months confirms her confusion and lack of commitment towards moving forward together and has mentioned and confirmed her feelings on every discussion regarding "us".

Amidst all that has happened I still take joy everyday in knowing that many things could change with her or without her in my life. I realized that time is your biggest enemy and also your best friend in a separation, I've accepted that some days will be overwhelming and difficult and others will pass by with ease however you must take into account that the overwhelming and difficult days should be slowly decreasing as time passes on. I have read many books and tried many things including the no contact which I've now maintained for almost two weeks, I have entered into no contact for very selfish reasons so that I could discover my potential or my reliance on the sound of her voice to keep me going, so far it's been difficult with many emotions resurfacing but it's also been rewarding increasing my confidence in my ability to know I can move forward without my wife.

I do apologize for the long post...  but I hope that many others will read what I've posted and take some comfort in knowing that the journeys becomes easier, it's important to read the signs and trust your instinct. The most important thing to remember about moving forward is loose your interest, don't use communication portals to see what your spouse has been up to and what friends they've added, don't ask questions about what they do with their spare time or even worry about what they are doing when you're not around them, change the name to something a little more professional on your phone. Loose your interest and I promise that you will see yourself moving forward just a little more each and every day, ask yourself why you want your spouse back and be honest, is it because you love them or because you can't handle the fact of them being with someone else.

To end I would like to thank all that have taken the time to read this post and please reply if you have anything to add.

Good Luck and hold your head up high!!


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