# Isolating a Stitch (a Continuation that started in a previous thread)



## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

Advise to a previous thread about how her husband and how he was processing things. 

"A similar situation with my wife and i, she cheated and I found out a week and a hakf before she was suppose to train out of town for work. I told her I would try and forget for the week and half to support her new job that would hopefully make our relationship better for our family. It worked the first 4 days... then I was like why does she get to sleep with someone and it's suppose to make out relationship ship better? Thoughts of another man on her... and there is the whole one question about your betrayal with lead to many other questions regarding past , present, and future. 

If your staying together I would make sure to have your seat belt buckled and be willing to show your love and fight for your relationship "

Guspolinski asked: 

Was she cheating w/ a co-worker?

If so, the affair likely continued on the trip.

So I replied:

"Things are currently in process. It wasn't a coworker it was an ex of hers that was on an annual tubing trip the friends and family do. I can hang out at her hotel on a biweekly bases with the kids. But so far it's more troublesome than just staying at home."

Gus asked:

"Sooo... she's still cheating or no?

Is OM married? If so, has the affair been exposed to his wife?

Has the affair been exposed to the rest of the people in that particular social circle?

One way or that other, he needs to be ejected from the circle and excluded from any future trips. And if that doesn't happen, y'all need to leave the circle."

- to my knowledge she is not cheating and wanted to leave whatever it was behind. She cheated on a previous marraige with the same guy as an exit affair. 

I Believe the OM is engaged with someone from out of the States. He seems to have a history of cheating on woman. 

I had posted something on his FB about it and a "friend" asked me to remove it saying it makes me look bad to. I thou g t it was a resoably simple post but taking a curse word out might have helped. It said "nice profile, you should add wifefckr to your about section"

There alot of questions about the circle and what happend. I have already expressed to her that I don't want to participate anymore even though it's something I have looked forward to every year. 

I let her go alone this year because we couldn't find a babysitter and her Job and hours have been extremely stressful. Hence the new job... 

Currently the idea was to work through this. But I am realizing more and more that things are more complex. That's all I got for now. The kids need attention.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Ognimod13 said:


> she cheated and I found out a week and a hakf before she was suppose to train out of town for work. I told her I would try and forget for the week and half to support her new job that would hopefully make our relationship better for our family.
> 
> *The classic mistake of rug sweeping. Make your relationship better? I don't think there is anything worse you could have told her.*
> 
> ...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So she's cheated w/ the same guy in two different marriages now?

It's not over. She's more loyal to him than she's thus far been to either of her husbands.

And it's not enough for YOU to no longer participate in events where this guy will be present -- she needs to be done w/ it as well.

Are you a SAHD (stay-at-home dad)?

How many kids total? How many are yours?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP, 

You've got the wrong mindset to achieve your best outcome. When a spouse cheats, it shouldn't be "we're going to try to work through this". 

It should be -* if you demonstrate unconditional remorse and accept consequences, I might possibly consider R. Otherwise I'm heading straight to divorce.*


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

Yep, two different marraiges and I know that it means it's prolly not over. 

That's kind of the test for her. But I am starting to think it unecessary for other reasons.



I have a 14y, she has a 7y, and we have a 4y and 19m. I am a SAHD. 

I'm not the one trying to rug sweep. I just expressed trying to stay positive during her job transition but i would need her to prove that this is what she wants and not by sexual acts. That's the primary issue in the first place...her sexually acts right.

She's removed him from any contacts and social media. Her attitude toward my rollercoaster of emotions has recently sucked even though I am making a great effort work things through.. 



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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Ognimod13 said:


> I am a SAHD.
> 
> *I'm sorry OP, nothing against SAHD's personally, but the risk of a wife cheating on a SAHD; exponentially higher.*
> 
> ...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ognimod13 said:


> Yep, two different marraiges and I know that it means it's prolly not over.
> 
> That's kind of the test for her. But I am starting to think it unecessary for other reasons.
> 
> ...


DNA the two youngest children.

Any chance that OM is the 7-year-old's biological father?

And removing this guy from contacts lists and social media isn't enough -- she needs to have no contact whatsoever w/ him going forward.

_As in ever again._

If she needs to change her phone number(s), then so be it. If she needs to change her e-mail address(es), then so be it. If she needs to drop off of any and all social media, then so be it.

And I'll ask again -- has the affair been exposed to friends and family? If not, be prepared to answer questions concerning your absence at future events. This is crucial, so get it done.

And I agree w/ @badmemory w/ respect to the SAHD thing -- it's time to hang that sh*t up and get back to work.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

badmemory said:


> OP,
> 
> You've got the wrong mindset to achieve your best outcome. When a spouse cheats, it shouldn't be "we're going to try to work through this".
> 
> It should be -* if you demonstrate unconditional remorse and accept consequences, I might possibly consider R. Otherwise I'm heading straight to divorce.*


Nope, not with this Twit.

She is a Cross-Matrimonial Cheater....eats [and morphs into] OP's serial Frosted Flakes for breakfast. No typo here.

She carries fence-cutting nips in her bra. No boundaries with this Twit-her.


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

I agree with what your saying, esp the snot bubble blowing remorse heh. I am currently entering the politely detached stage why trying to keep the family going. Make sure the kids are seeing her when they can. 

And yes the most recent night was nothing close to remorse though she did say she was trying to keep it from destroying her and that she realizes it's all destroying me. The rest of everything was direct full so. I am currently leaning toward putting myself in a position to take care of the kids and leave with them. 

There are dynamics and history that I will try to post later. Obviously the initial dynamic being we have kids and just recently I feel my son has bonded with her. Finally. If I leave I want me kids to know I tried.

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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ognimod13 said:


> I agree with what your saying, esp the snot bubble blowing remorse heh. I am currently entering the politely detached stage why trying to keep the family going. Make sure the kids are seeing her when they can.
> 
> And yes the most recent night was nothing close to remorse though she did say she was trying to keep it from destroying her and that she realizes it's all destroying me. The rest of everything was direct full so. I am currently leaning toward putting myself in a position to take care of the kids and leave with them.
> 
> There are dynamics and history that I will try to post later. Obviously the initial dynamic being we have kids and just recently I feel my son has bonded with her. Finally. If I leave I want me kids to know I tried.


I'll tell you a secret -- the dynamics and history that you _think_ matter so much?

They don't.

Because here is the bottom line -- there is no amount of effort that YOU can put forth that can bridge the gap between what she _is_ doing and what she _should be_ doing.

How did you discover the affair?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Ognimod13 said:


> Obviously the initial dynamic being we have kids and just recently I feel my son has bonded with her. Finally. If I leave I want me kids to know I tried.


I understand that. 

But I think you'll realize at some point, that "trying", should mean you gave her the opportunity to prove that she deserves a second chance. That's all - at least for now. She is the one that needs to do the heavy lifting if she wants that chance.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Are you a SAHD (stay-at-home dad)?





Ognimod13 said:


> Yep, two different marraiges and I know that it means it's prolly not over.
> 
> I am a SAHD.


There you go. :wink2:


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Ognimod13 said:


> I had posted something on his FB about it and a "friend" asked me to remove it saying it makes me look bad to. I thought it was a reasonably simple post but taking a curse word out might have helped. It said "*nice profile, you should add wifefvcker to your about section*"


Hahaha.... That's pretty good. I like you.

Your "friend" is an idiot. You should of left it in.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your wife is a user man. She's not going to stop fvcking this ex of hers. She needs to go. 

Get a paying job and sustain yourself so you can feel good about yourself again.


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> I'll tell you a secret -- the dynamics and history that you _think_ matter so much?
> 
> They don't.
> 
> ...


I found out on intuition. Initially I fully trusted her and backed her. Which is rare in any of my relationships and then suddenly thought crap.. this guy has all the toys she likes, money, there no kids holding anything back, and at some point before we were together she said something about feeling that she should get back with him.. add an imperfect marraige and some boose - whala! Affair ****tail. 

Supposedly he is impotent. I'd like to say the kids carry alot of my traits, but I also know we see what we wanna see sometimes. She also has something that makes it really hard for her to have kids. Lucky me. But noted. 

I am pretty sure the pregnancy dates never left anything to question for mine. I don't get the feeling that she was unfaithful prior to this. Not saying I don't question it. I feel this was a right time right place event for her to do this.. and feel it happened multiple times over the course of the weekend even though she has had trouble explaing the whole truth. 

I feel she does/did have feelings for him and that even though she said it was once and felt guilty. I think it was multiple times and only regrets the after effects.

I've told our close friends hoping for some advice or insight.. or at least just have a shoulder to cry on per say.. but only two people have been checking up on me from time to time. 

Also meaning there are no options for leaving expect for my own resources and option I create.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> There you go. :wink2:


I think OP is the fourth or fifth SAHD who has come here to tell about their wives cheating on them...in the last month.


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> I think OP is the fourth or fifth SAHD who has come here to tell about their wives cheating on them...in the last month.


A shift in the universe? Out of the general community I am familiar with there have been 3 divorces / long term relationships ended...


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Ognimod13 said:


> A shift in the universe? Out of the general community I am familiar with there have been 3 divorces / long term relationships ended...


Whatever it is, I can't imagine many working wives respect their stay-at-home-husbands for long. I can only speak for myself but being a SAHD would diminish my self-esteem and attractiveness to her. Unless you have money coming out of both ears and don't need to lift a finger to work ever again, I'd recommend going back and joining the labor force. It makes us guys feel useful. Don't listen to those New Age relationship experts who push this fad that being a SAHD is cool.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She's cheated w/ this same guy in two different marriages -- there's no way that she doesn't have feelings for him.

Trouble explaining the whole truth means she's lying.

And by "impotent" I'm guessing you mean "infertile". Yeah... I wouldn't believe that, even if she does. Get the tests done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ognimod13 said:


> A shift in the universe? Out of the general community I am familiar with there have been 3 divorces / long term relationships ended...


That's a poor metric, as not divorcing does not a successful marriage make.

And it's not like the SAHD's that don't divorce aren't putting up w/ load after load of sh*t.

Bottom line -- get back to work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

@Ognimod13, when did you find out about your WW cheating w/ OM in her first marriage?


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