# Need Advice About Sex in my Marriage



## BuzzyBH (Apr 10, 2015)

Hello, I need some friendly advice on the topic of sex in marriage. I have been married for 12 yrs and for the extent of our marriage, our sex life was lacking because my LD. My wife has a very HD. It's always been an issue but we never really talked about it until recently. Since then we communicate more and I want to satisfy her and make our relationship better I just don't know how to do it.I have done some of the things she says turn her on but sex has been awkward and she's not getting O. We love each other and we find each other attractive, but we can't get over the mental/physical hurdles that are dragging our relationship down. I hope someone can help


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife might feel that what you are doing now feels forced.

Why did it take you 12 years to start addressing this?

What do you mean when you say that you don't know what to do? Do you mean that you don't know what to do while having sex?

What percentage of the time do you initiate sex? How often are the two of you having sex?

Do you have any idea why you are LD? Have you had your T levels check? That might be the first thing to do.

Generally, when a HD spouse spends years being denied sex and rejected it takes a HUGE toll on them, making them feel unloved and like your spouse finds them repulsive. Your wife is probably dealing with those feelings. 

Then perhaps seeing a marriage counselor who is also a sex therapist might help.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

1. have you always been LD, like even before your marriage or is this a recent thing?

2. do you masturbate often, never, occasionally?

3. have you tried stimulating techniques like viewing sexy pictures
(i hate porn so I won't go there, but it works for some people).

4. do you find your wife attractive? has she done things that you are resentful of?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening buzzybh
Its great that you want to improve this.

Try to figure out what you find sexually exciting. 

Learn how to be a great lover. Read, watch instructional videos. Take pride in your skills. This is not something people are born knowing.


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