# When to confront? Do I have enough Evidence?



## Jenkins (Jul 4, 2012)

Evidence: Found three (one empty wrapper, two still unused) contraceptive sponges hidden in a boot in my wife's closet. Over the past 1.5 months or so they have vanished one by one. One vanished when she went out with work friends, the other while I was out of town. And yesterday I finally found the original box and receipt tucked away in the back of a desk drawer (so stupid...I feel like she wants to get caught or is taunting me). Finally, a week ago a former colleague of hers (they hated one another) e-mailed me and said my wife has had affairs with a couple different people since the beginning of the year, and also gave me the name of the person she is having an affair with right now (This is the person I initially suspected because he is part of that group of friends she hung out with when the second sponge disappeared).

That is my evidence. I'm bracing myself for her denying and DEFINITELY accusing me of invading her privacy (snooping through her stuff) and possibly taking offense that the woman she hates e-mailed me (I never responded to the woman because honestly I want this to stay between me and my wife). My wife has a tendency to pull the silent treatment or simply walk away without ever saying anything.

I just want to make sure this seems like decent proof (ugh I really don't want to bring up e-mail from the 3rd Party...I can already imagine the response..."Why would you trust this woman who hates me blahalbhabhhla?").

And here is my situation. We have been together for 5 years and finally married in November of 2011 (less than a year), and we purchased our house TOGETHER in April of 2011 (no idea how that would work out in the case of divorce...). But the hardest thing...at the end of June I found out my dad's skin cancer had finally spread to his stomach and colon--he has maybe a year left, if that. That is the main reason I am still holding onto the sponge knowledge--I don't want my dad to spend his last year of life worrying about me and my marriage/life...I want him to be happy (Okay, typing this just got really difficult because I have only expressed this stuff to myself internally).

This thread turned into a number of things, but I am sitting here with evidence and no idea what to do with it.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I will focus on evidence.

I should say that you should have more conclusive evidence, although you have very leading ones.

Does she use those contraceptives with you? If she does not, you can confront her. Why at all she bought them?

About the email from a person she hates, I would go with you. 

Now, I suggest you should act normal. Collect more convincing evidences, before you confront.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Don't confront her just yet, install a keylogger onto your comp.Get some VAR's in place.especially in the car. A gps would do wonders. If she's got an iphone sync it to the computer to retrieve deleted text messages.

And more importantly be discrete. Don't let the anger get to you right now.

Contact the colleague and ask her for details and verify on your own.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Does the OM have a wife/gf? If so skip confronting your wife and talk directly to the OMW/gf.

Clearly you have enough that you (and me for what it's worth) are convinced she is cheating.

So you have enough since you are the only one that needs convincing or proof.

Do you want to D her for cheating?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Get irrefutable evidence. She can say that she bought them for friends/sister and the woman is just vindictive. Keylog the computer and get access to all the mail. Get phone records and her text messages(There are ways to retrieve deleted txt messgaes ). The evidence will disappear once you confront her. Get as much as you can!! Can you afford a PI?


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Yes, but not enough to prove to the judge or to the entire world if and when OP decides to expose it


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You might also play with them a bit - make sure you keep her so busy she can't hang with him, and anytime she goes out - make sure you show up and c-block her!

If it was me - I'd blow it up with the OMW/GF and with HR at her work, and cut off money/credit, and hand her D papers all at once.

After doing all that and seeing her reaction - I'd ask myself if I wanted to even consider R.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You just recently got married. That's far too soon for her to start cheating. Better to find out now than when you have 2 kids running around and you wonder if they are yours.

Prepare yourself for divorce. Start separating your finances and assets.

Do you want the house? If not, suggest to her (make up a reason) to take over the mortgage and remove your name from it.

You may be able to get the marriage annulled. Look into that.

Just in case, dont have sex with her unless you want to catch STD.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> And here is my situation. We have been together for 5 years and finally married in November of 2011 (less than a year), and we purchased our house TOGETHER in April of 2011 (no idea how that would work out in the case of divorce...). But the hardest thing...at the end of June I found out my dad's skin cancer had finally spread to his stomach and colon--he has maybe a year left, if that. That is the main reason I am still holding onto the sponge knowledge--I don't want my dad to spend his last year of life worrying about me and my marriage/life...I want him to be happy (Okay, typing this just got really difficult because I have only expressed this stuff to myself internally).


I dislike this tendency some MDs have of putting timeframes on these things. Theoretically your father has a year. What if instead of a year he gets 2-3-4-5 years? What then? I fully understand your need to protect your father. Honorable thing really. But if you don't have kids i don't see you father sweating too much about it. It will be bad, however, if he gets wind of this and you're still attached to this woman. 

Oh, and if that dumb woman is using sponges (like WTF... disgusting woman...) you better get tested for STDs like... yesterday...


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## Jenkins (Jul 4, 2012)

I know she alone couldn't afford to take on the mortgage, and I don't expect her to hand the mortgage over to me because it is also in her name.

The OM is 23 or 24 years old, out of college, living with his parents but looking to buy a place of his own. Me and my wife are 27 and 26.

And, yeah, I've been meaning to go get tested for STDs. They do that at any basic family practice place, right? Maybe I'll call when I go to lunch. 

I am not looking to reconcile. I am looking to divorce most likely. But right now, more than anything, I just want to get it off my chest that I know. If I had to stay in the house with her for X amount of time, I would be okay with that.

Right now my dream scenario is I confront, she confesses and says she is going to run away with the guy into the new place he buys, and somewhere along the way I punch both of them in the head and find a wad of cash. But I'm anticipating none of that.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> Don't confront her just yet, install a keylogger onto your comp.Get some VAR's in place.especially in the car. A gps would do wonders. If she's got an iphone sync it to the computer to retrieve deleted text messages.
> 
> And more importantly be discrete. Don't let the anger get to you right now.
> 
> Contact the colleague and ask her for details and verify on your own.


Agreed. If she's going out with friends she might be doing it in the car. A carefully placed VAR may give you the undeniable evidence you want.

In this case a colleague who doesn't like her may be your best friend. 

Another spouse hanging with toxic friends.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Get an annulment if you guys were married in last Nov. And thank this other woman. he might give you more info.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Uh...why were you digging around inside your wife's boots?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

What more do you need, to walk in on her effing someone? Sorry you're here.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just do it the quick and easy and foolproof way: hire a PI to get the evidence you need, and THEN confront. That way, in a divorce, you have a card to play.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

turnera said:


> Just do it the quick and easy and foolproof way: hire a PI to get the evidence you need, and THEN confront. That way, in a divorce, you have a card to play.


Forgive my ignorance, but does it matter? If so, on what grounds, adultery as a reason for divorce, or for support payments? For both.

I'm guessing the US is different than Canada, but to be honest, I'm not sure if it matters here, either, other than having grounds for divorce (as is the case with adultery). But that's just me going by what I've heard from people/acquaintances. Unsure of the actual laws.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

A lot of BSs have to have hard evidence before they'll believe they need to move on.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Oh...finding something like that would probably be enough for me!


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## Jenkins (Jul 4, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> What more do you need, to walk in on her effing someone? Sorry you're here.


That actually would be a great way to initiate the confrontation. Here's hoping!...

As for why was I digging around in her boots? I was being nosey. She was going out with that group of friends, on a lake boat, and I know she gets motion sickness, so the act of her going without making mention of that fact was very odd. So I went through drawers, found nothing, but wasn't convinced, so I squeezed tall shoes and that one sounded like plastic. Regardless, can you really fault me for snooping around when I found sponges in boots? SPONGES!...BOOTS! After 5 years with someone, it is pretty obvious when something is "off", but hard to pinpoint exactly what that is.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, I just wondered what made you go to the drastic measure of picking around inside shoes? Drawers I can see, but shoes? I take it you pretty much already knew she was whoring around?


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## Monroe (Jun 21, 2012)

When you do confront, don't tell her who sent the email. Just say:

"I received a very interesting email/text message/phone call this afternoon claiming you are having an affair with *insert name here*." Don't tip your hand at who your source is... especially if this woman "hates" her (perhaps this woman hates your wife because she knows what kind of person your wife is).

Get a VAR and place it in her car. Check your home computer history. Check your phone bill. Quickly gather more evidence.

Sorry to hear about your dad.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

About 5 years ago, I was seeing a man and I started to get suspicious after finding an empty wine bottle under his bed...I was pretty confident that it wasn't US, so I asked him. Of course, he denied. Then, one day, I counted his condoms. 5 in one box, 7 in another. It was easy to remember, as a full box has a dozen. Anyways, a couple of weeks later, I take a re-count...you got it. 11 condoms. We hadn't used any so it wasn't like he could say it was US!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Less than a year or marriage and she is already having affairs. You made a bad choice in selecting this woman to be your life partner. This woman is not fit for marriage and the sooner you accept this truth, the faster you can move on with your life.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

VAR's, Key Logger and GPS Logger/Tracker.

Those 3 things will give you all the proof you'd ever need...
without having to walk in on them for it.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> VAR's, Key Logger and GPS Logger/Tracker.
> 
> Those 3 things will give you all the proof you'd ever need...
> without having to walk in on them for it.


:iagree:

You don't have enough at the moment to confront; you need irrefutable evidence.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Any children involved? I'm thinking not. Once you obtain your evidence, using keyloggers and VARs, its time to kick her to the curb.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Contact the woman who emailed you.

Thank her for her email, apologise for not contacting her before, but say you hoped she was mistaken, but now realise she wasn't.

If there is animosity between them, *you must find out why!*

People rarely hate for no reason. It's possible your wife had an affair with a boyfriend of hers. But as I say, you need to know more.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It would seem easy to catch her red handed, tell her you're going out of town , hire a PI to follow her and get the evidence.

Or since you likely live in a no fault state, file for D and demand a polygraph test before you take her back and cancel the D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You know she has had several affairs already this year, you know she is having one now and with whom, and you don't want to reconcile.

I don't see what the rush is to confront her. It will still be the same situation a week from now. Everything will go much smoother if you have additional and more conclusive evidence. If you can afford it, hire a private investigator. Otherwise, buy a voice-activated recorder or two and place it in a place where she is likely to talk to or about the other man when you are not present, in her car, maybe in the bedroom, or in the bathroom. Keylog the computer if she uses it to communicate with people. Put a gps in the car.

Don't let her know you have any suspicions at all. You should have better and more conclusive evidence within a week.

In the meantime, can you check her cell phone usage to see if she is calling or texting the other man an excessive amount of times and at odd hours?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jenkins,

You have gotten good advice. Definitely speak to the snitch and see if he/she will get you more info. Your wife sounds like a player.

Make a date to be out of town. Get your VAR, camera or a PI in place and record the scene.

Another suggestion, take out the last sponge and put a piece of crap in her boot with a love note from you telling her to have a great time you lying piece of crap.

Keep a camera focused on her closet.

The look on her face will be priceless!

Sorry you are going through this and very sorry to hear about your Dad.

I lost a family memeber with thw same type of cancer.

HM64


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Having already drafted a separation of assets is not a bad idea.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Jenkins,
You only need more evidence if you're going for a "cause" divorce or want to save the marriage. If you just want to get an annulment, you've got enough to know she's fvcking around. And she'll know you know, just from the sponge situation. She'll deny, they all do, but she'll know you know. And you'll know you know.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Jenkins---know a couple of things going into your confrontation---so you don't have to explain your actions to her

1st---there is no privacy in a mge., she took vows, which made her and you open books to each other, and in a mge., there can be no expectation of privacy---she wanted privacy she should have stayed single

2nd---she will quite probably accuse you of trying to control her, tell her who, she can and who she can't be friends with---you know what I mean

Your answer to that is that, you are fighting for this mge., and you will do what is necessary, to preserve it, as long as you think there is a possibility of an atempt at a R.

Her having any contact with single males or married males looking to cheat, is not in the script of a married wife and mother---it is not to be allowed/tolerated in any way shape or form---if she doesn't like those boundaries, then she is free to leave, and you will file for D.

You let her know in plain terms, enuff is enuff, you are not controlling her, not telling her who she can/can't be friends with, you are trying to preserve the mge., if she can't understand that, then once again, she is free to leave, as you are done putting up with her disrespect, of you, the mge, and the family.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

J, you know what you know, period. thats all you need. you don't write as if you are too toreup over this, so just kick her to the curb. confronting a cheater that walks away or give the silent treatment, will get you nothing. nosy ?? damn right when it comes to your health, do NOT let her make it about you and your actions. STAY on point. If she walks away, or accuse, just start packing her S**t. from your words I see her being the stronger of you two, and you just let things slide to keep the peace. Well she broke the peace in the most demeaning way possible to you. So just look at it as the chance to start over. Because I bet you, everyone in her group knows what is going on. So while they come into your house and smile in your face, they laugh at you behind your back. To R with her would mean giving up these friends, and leaving that job. Will she ??


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Jenkins said:


> Evidence: Found three (one empty wrapper, two still unused) contraceptive sponges hidden in a boot in my wife's closet.
> 
> One vanished when she went out with work friends, the other while I was out of town.
> 
> ...


Something is not right.

Could this former colleague of hers playing a mischief on her to take revenge or something? 

Your wife may not be knowing the things hidden in her boot - If somebody put it on purpose (hidden), and removing it at appropriate time. 

The evidence you found seems to be too obvious - I don't think she could be THAT careless - so many times.

It all looks well-planned.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

akashNil said:


> Something is not right.
> 
> Could this former colleague of hers playing a mischief on her to take revenge or something?
> 
> ...


Seriously? Occams razor says that the simplest explanation is most likely the right one.

Should the OP think someone has snuck into his house, put these things inside a boot in the closet, where he would never likely look in the first place, then take them out, all to plant fake evidence to frame his wife?

Seriously?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Seriously? Occams razor says that the simplest explanation is most likely the right one.
> 
> Should the OP think someone has snuck into his house, put these things inside a boot in the closet, where he would never likely look in the first place, then take them out, all to plant fake evidence to frame his wife?
> 
> ...


No no - not like that. I was of the same opinion as the other posters initially.

Definitely no one would be entering the OP's house to do all this. But it all might be happening when she goes out with her boots. Someone might be taking advantage of that.

I felt this due to only one line in the original post: *"And yesterday I finally found the original box and receipt tucked away in the back of a desk drawer."

*She wouldn't preserve the receipt like that. She is a woman.

However, I admit that I maybe completely wrong. But this is just a possibility.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The box and receipt likly got stashed and forgotten about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jenkins (Jul 4, 2012)

Well, I e-mailed the lady who contacted me. I kept it fairly brief--thanked her for the e-mail even though it was sh!tty to read and asked two questions: What were the names of the previous people she supposedly hooked up with; How did she even find out about all of this?

She wouldn't give me the names of the other people (I was fine with this...I just wanted to see if I recognized the names). She said guy #1 guy cut it off after a few encounters because he felt bad, and guy #2 guy never actually did anything with her. She had only given me the name of the current guy, because they actually seem to have an actual relationship going on. She didn't answer my second question, so I asked it again. She said the current guy would meet her for lunch here and there, and my wife would just say they were friends. But guy #1 (f**k, who knows he could be guy #56) confronted the current guy and he admitted to a relationship, but said he wouldn't break it off because it wasn't his problem..it would be up to her.

So now I need to call up my doctor and make an appointment to get my dong swabbed or pee in a cup or however they test of STDs nowadays.

I'm feeling anger and humiliation more than hurt and heartbreak. I would love to get a PI and just go out of town for a couple days, but that requires $$$. I could do the VAR, but, damn, I don't want to hear that! Zoinks. I'm fine bottling it in for now and just observing while I figure things out and/or save up.

Shouldn't have bought a house together. Dumb.


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## Jenkins (Jul 4, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> The box and receipt likly got stashed and forgotten about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That pisses me off, because, seriously, how stupid. You'd think you would want to rid of any evidence whatsoever--bury it in a trashbag and take out the trash. TA-DA!

dfgljgkljaglkja


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Jenkins said:


> That pisses me off, because, seriously, how stupid. You'd think you would want to rid of any evidence whatsoever--bury it in a trashbag and take out the trash. TA-DA!


I'm always amazed at how FN stupid/careless cheaters can be be.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ask some friends to follow her.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Jenkins said:


> That pisses me off, because, seriously, how stupid. You'd think you would want to rid of any evidence whatsoever--bury it in a trashbag and take out the trash. TA-DA!


She could get away with it many times before, and let's face it, if you weren't informed by a stranger, it would have been no problem still.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jenkins,

Cheaters always think they are smarter until they get caught.

Just get the proof you need, plan your next 10 steps in advance and then confront.

And not a damn thing you can do about the house so might as well not worry about it until you decide what you are going to do.

Stay strong, quiet and make your plans.

HM64


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Jenkins, I am sorry for what you are going through.

Do you want to try to reconcile with her if she is cheating, or do you want to divorce her?

If you want to reconcile, you will need more data in order to smack her hard out of the fog. If she has any wiggle room to explain things away, she will gaslight you and blameshift. She may claim the sponges are for her friend or little sister or whomever. She'll claim the guy is just a friend and they talk business over lunch sometimes. She'll claim the lady who sent the email is gunning for her job. So you need to get rock solid evidence so she is absolutely cornered. But that is only if you want to try to reconcile.

If you want to divorce her, do you really need any additional information? Is there any doubt in your mind she is cheating? If you have any doubts, you could look at her cell phone records for calls, texts, patterns of when calls happen, etc. You could look at bank records online to see if she is spending money on hotels, sexy lingerie, or gifts. You could verify she indeed did buy the sponges (not her little sister or other scapegoat she might come up with).

Once you are sure yourself she is cheating, is there any legal benefit to more data? Does it get you an easy annulment instead of having to go through a divorce? Does it get you more assets in the divorce settlement? Does it get you alimony from her? For these issues you need a lawyer. Most divorce lawyers will give you a free phone or office consult for about 15 minutes. Have your info gathered before you call and have your basic questions. They can tell you what the legal landscape is in your area, plus you can find out what they cost, how they bill, and how much $ they want up front.

Good luck. Keep posting here, you have great people watching your back.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So you now know this isn't a one time it just happened, but a series of different men.

That should help you understand your options here. It isn't about just ending the one relationship, it's that your wife is an accomplished cheater living a secret second life.

You won't be able be believe her even if she says she has stopped, because she's the type of just lay low and start up with a new guy(s).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Jenkins,
> You only need more evidence if you're going for a "cause" divorce or want to save the marriage. If you just want to get an annulment, you've got enough to know she's fvcking around. And she'll know you know, just from the sponge situation. She'll deny, they all do, but she'll know you know. And you'll know you know.


 :iagree::iagree::iagree:
Cheating no longer matters in divorce court, so I do not understand why people feel the need to have enough proof to force the cheater to admit what they already know to be true. The email from her enemy, coupled with the missing secret birth control, is more than enough proof as her enemy had no way of knowing about the secret birth control. You do not have to prove anything to anyone but yourself when you make decisions on how you will live your life.

Confront her right now. Tell he know about the affair and do not even offer to tell her how you know. Tell her that if she continues to lie about it you will be contacting an attorney and proceeding to divorce her. Tell her that although you will not guarantee that you will not divorce her once she tells the truth, you can guarantee that you will divorce her if she does not come clean right now.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Jenkins said:


> Well, I e-mailed the lady who contacted me. I kept it fairly brief--thanked her for the e-mail even though it was sh!tty to read and asked two questions: What were the names of the previous people she supposedly hooked up with; How did she even find out about all of this?
> 
> She wouldn't give me the names of the other people (I was fine with this...I just wanted to see if I recognized the names). She said guy #1 guy cut it off after a few encounters because he felt bad, and guy #2 guy never actually did anything with her. She had only given me the name of the current guy, because they actually seem to have an actual relationship going on. She didn't answer my second question, so I asked it again. She said the current guy would meet her for lunch here and there, and my wife would just say they were friends. But guy #1 (f**k, who knows he could be guy #56) confronted the current guy and he admitted to a relationship, but said he wouldn't break it off because it wasn't his problem..it would be up to her.
> 
> ...


I think it would be a mistake to let this fester to long.

start gathering evidance and building an exit plan.

all while keeping her in the dark....maybe even start saying you guys should go away for your annaversery. start acting all excited to start planning it and then on the day you supost to leave hand her divorce paper and take the trip yourself!!!!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So you indirectly confronted your wife by confronting the OM. Now you are buying time. I strongly suggest you get a lawyer before dad passes and you are sharing your inheritence with a cheating spouse.

So my point is you are running out of time before you get taken to the cleaners and you emotionally break down and turn into a pile crap.

So right now is the time to muster up what is left of your emotions and get this women out of your life.

I know it tough brother but your dad will be alot happier when he sees his son take a stand and show him the man you have become...instead of a son that is tolorating this BS that is thrown at you.

You now need a VAR on you so that she doesn't falsely accuse you...get you out of the house and move the boyfriend out of his parents and into your home.

Please start protecting your self by getting the lawyer and keeping a VAR on your person.

IMHO she is not stupid but setting you up for an exit affair and waiting for you to blow up so she gets everything of yours.

This is a set up and your not doing a damb thing about it.

Make a plan and work the plan, your lawyer can help you with the options you have.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

TRy said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> Cheating no longer matters in divorce court,


Adultery does matter in court, in many states, when determining alimony, CS, community property split, etc. It also matters in the court of public opinion (friends and relatives).

But for this one? No need to spy.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You have enough to confront now.

You want the dramatic version? Arrange a fake going away, take the stuff out of the boot and leave D papers in the boot.

Or,
Find the OM house, drive by a leave the single boot with stuff on his door step go home and wait for her to say something.

Or,

Put all her stuff in boxes, write OMs address on them and put them on the street, minus the single boot.

Or,

Mail the boot to her at work.

Or...

You've got enough evidence, there are many ways to confront. What ever you do, see a lawyer ASAP on how to best protect yourself and carry a var on you.

Edit: fixed iPad aided typos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

More then one guy she has issues. I saw your post about STD's yes it is a very hard thing to do. I hope you see a doc right away and tell him everything let him check your health and keep on top of it.

You really have to let everyone know and the quicker the better. Call an attorney today. Even if you do not go all the way with it you need to protect yourself and get things moving.

I am sorry you are going down this road as you have seen you are not alone


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Do a little research on STD tests, and definitely tell the doc's office what you want when you set up the appointment. Some docs don't do STD testing. I had to go to the county clinic.

Expect blood tests, a mouth swab, a pee test (don't pee for at least an hour before your appointment), and a physical exam. Maybe a swab of your urethra.

Because of the blood tests keep in mind that you'll have a mark on your arm for several days where they take the blood. You might want to wear long sleeves if you don't want your wife to know, or you can make up another excuse like your annual PSA test or annual physical and they are doing a cholesterol test.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Adultery does matter in court, in many states, when determining alimony, CS, community property split, etc. It also matters in the court of public opinion (friends and relatives).
> 
> But for this one? No need to spy.


I agree that adultery does matter in many States.

Where I live, the waiting period for a divorce to become final is one year of separation - UNLESS- adultery can be proven or a confession of adultery is made. Then it is three months and done.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Jenkins said:


> That actually would be a great way to initiate the confrontation. Here's hoping!...
> 
> As for why was I digging around in her boots? I was being nosey. She was going out with that group of friends, on a lake boat, and I know she gets motion sickness, so the act of her going without making mention of that fact was very odd. So I went through drawers, found nothing, but wasn't convinced, so I squeezed tall shoes and that one sounded like plastic. Regardless, can you really fault me for snooping around when I found sponges in boots? SPONGES!...BOOTS! After 5 years with someone, it is pretty obvious when something is "off", but hard to pinpoint exactly what that is.


Sponges in boots, what is the world coming to? At least you're keeping your sense of humor. 

Can I ask why you are not attending these trips with your wife? Especially when other men are there? My wife doesn't attend events without me and I don't attend without here. We're kind of... married.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

One other thing you can do if you go out of town alot is-- fake an out of town trip. Tell her you are going out of town well in advance so she can make plans. She sounds like the type that won't waste a good opportunity. Stay at a nearby hotel and keep an eye on her yourself. This is a good way to catch her in the act.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Confide in close friends. They will help you out. And like another poster suggested, fake an out of town work trip. You keylogged her computer, right?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Your wife is a potential STD carrier, how are you going to tell her you don't want sex without raising suspicions on her part?


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

sandc said:


> Sponges in boots, what is the world coming to? At least you're keeping your sense of humor.
> 
> Can I ask why you are not attending these trips with your wife? Especially when other men are there? My wife doesn't attend events without me and I don't attend without here. We're kind of... married.


Very good point here that can't be stressed enough. Happily married couples should WANT to spend time together--not apart. Yeah there may be times for girls to do girl things(like shopping) and guys to do guy things (like watch football games) But attending parties, bars and nightclubs with co-workers of the ooposite sex and without the spouse ALWAYS seems to end up badly.

Even good wives can be tempted if given too much freedom, especially if she's good-looking. So many guys come on this forum complaining of their WW's. But they have allowed their wives WAY too much freedom, to the point they are almost living separate lives. And this is what happens.


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## Jenkins (Jul 4, 2012)

Is there a VAR guide somewhere? I have no idea what sort of model or size I should be looking for. I'm assuming the smaller the better, but where would I purchase something like this? Also, car locations...under the seat, buried in a glove compartment...any recommendations for locations?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Go on line and check out the lastest and greates.mine old and I got it RadioShack. Frys has one with an external mic.

Make sure you get some velcro tape


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just google it all.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Many people use the olympus brand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Walmart, Radio Shack, Amazon.com.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Bestbuy

honestly they should practically have a BS spouse aisle - VARs, night vision goggles, munchies, sleeping aids, married mans sex life


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