# Lite hearted divorce letter & reply



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Saw this online today:

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life! > Your EX-Wife

*********************************************************** ********************************

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Guess that's what you call "poetic justice!" :rofl:
:lol:


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Saw this online today:
> 
> Dear Husband:
> 
> ...



Here's the same story from the other side:

_A wife comes home and says to her husband, "I just won $10 million in the lottery. Get your bags packed."

"Fantastic," says her husband, "should I pack for the mountains or the sea shore?"

"I don't care where you go," she replies, "just get the hell out."_

What a sad world we live in that such of stories elicit laughter instead of dismay.


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Saw this online today:
> 
> Dear Husband:
> 
> ...



the only thing missing is:

*Signed: Rich As Hell and Free finally, to date your sister in the open*


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Yep I like it and to kind of turn the screws a little more, your sister is way, way way hotter than you (that should sting). I couldn't wait for the days we would get together for holiday stuff, just so I could look at her. Oh yeah! BTW red has never been your color. Ouch!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I always liked the one where the H ran off with the babysitter, and they were now in Florida. He calls his BW, and tells her to sell his mint-condition '69 Charger and send him the money so that he can start his new life.

She sells it...for $5.00!!!

He tries to use this against her at the D hearing, and the judge asks him point-blank if he specified a price. The guy says no, and the judge says that there's nothing he can do.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

carmen ohio said:


> Here's the same story from the other side...
> 
> What a sad world we live in that such of stories elicit laughter instead of dismay.


Pain is probably the biggest inspiration of comedy there is. It's no surprise to me that a joke about some sh!tty situation could elicit laughter.

It's not "nice" or always mature or politically correct, seeing someone get hit in the face with the karma bus sometimes feels good - especially if you've been hurt in the similar fashion. 

If that's the whole joke, I just don't think OP's joke and yours compare much at all. There's no background for the spouse on cheating, abusing or doing any other sh!tty behaviour to his wife like the joke in the original post.

It also wouldn't matter to me if in your story, the person leaving was the husband:

_"A husband comes home and says to his wife, "I just won $10 million in the lottery. Get your bags packed."

"Fantastic," says his wife, "should I pack for the mountains or the sea shore?"

"I don't care where you go," he replies, "just get the hell out."_
----
Either way, it just seems mean.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> Pain is probably the biggest inspiration of comedy there is. It's no surprise to me that a joke about some sh!tty situation could elicit laughter.
> 
> It's not "nice" or always mature or politically correct, seeing someone get hit in the face with the karma bus sometimes feels good - especially if you've been hurt in the similar fashion.
> 
> ...


Still not sure why there has to be a lotto win if they want them gone so bad why not free them from the shackles sooner, rather than later


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