# My husband hates by BF



## Dolores (Jun 12, 2010)

5 years ago my husband of 33 years left me for his HS girlfriend, we went through a terrible divorce. I was totally devasted. During this time, I met a friend who was alos going through a divorce and became very close. She's a professional, PHD, and she has a tendency to drink quite a bit and when we are together we have a great time. I'm not a big drinker.

2 years ago I met a great guy and we were married. He doesn't drink and because my BF had a few too many drinks at our house, he's told me he doesn't like her and he doesn't want to anything to do with her, so when she calls and asks me if we want to double date (she has a nice BF), I'm making up lies about how busy we are because I don't want to hurt her.

Today she called me and told me she bought concert tickets for my birthday and she's treating me to a really nice resort (just the two of us), when I told my husband (by phone, becasue I'm traveling on business for a few days), he just about hung up the phone and said we'll talk about this when you get home.

We're not kids, and I don't think I should have to choose between my BF and my husband just because he's a bit uptight.

Any suggestions out there??


----------



## InAPickle (Jun 4, 2010)

You have every right to be friends with whomever you want. You're not forcing HIM to spend time with her, so in my opinion it's not his place to say anything about your doing so.

Go to the concert and resort and have a great time!


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I agree, you shouldn't have to choose. I could see him stating he doesn't like her, but he is wrong to assert himself as if he has any control. He seems to think you are supposed to live your life by his permission, but I hope you let him know otherwise.

At the same time, I think you should ask him why he doesn't like her. If he doesn't give a straight answer or gives one that makes no sense, then I'd drop the subject and just tell he is welcome to answer my question whenever he is ready. In the meantime, I'd continue planning and preparing for my weekend with her. There is a reason, and normally men dislike women because of something specific that she did. Either she did/said something inappropriate to him, or he witnessed something inappropriate. If that is indeed the case, then it is the reason he doesn't want you around her. He's afraid you will be inclined to do the things she does.

Another reason would be that he likes her.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It really shouldn't matter whether or not he likes your friends; they're your friends, not his. My boyfriend has a friend or two that I don't like. He knows I don't like them, it came up once, and never again. I would never try to tell him he couldn't be friends with someone, *unless* that someone was trying to interfere in our relationship. Whether your friend actually is or not, I wonder if he, for some reason, feels that your friend is interfering in your marriage. Maybe she has said or done something that implied to him that she was trying to interfere. I would sit down and talk to him, and try to get him to tell you what his problem with her is and why he is trying to prevent you from seeing her. If it boils down to he's just trying to pick and choose your friends, I'd stand up to him and make it clear that you will be friends with whomever you choose and he will just have to deal with it. If he's not happy with that, then I guess you'll have to decide if you want to live your own life or let him control you.


----------



## Dolores (Jun 12, 2010)

*Re: My husband hates my Best Friend*

Thanks, I needed to hear advice from others. I sent him a long email this morning describing how much my relationship with my Best Friend means to me. Hopefully he'll read it, digest it, and respond in writing. He's a great guy, very thoughtful, very kind and I think once he knows how much my friend means to me, perhaps he'll have a change of feelings towards her. Bottom line, I was controlled in so many ways in my first marriage, I maybe overly sensitive. I will never again be told what I should do or shouldn't do...never..


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

On the other hand, if you want a healthy marriage this time, your best option is to always sit down and find a fair middle ground so that BOTH of you are heard, understood, and appeased. I would suggest asking him if she and her boyfriend could come over for dinner. If he says yes, tell her what his concerns are - she IS your bf, and should be open to hearing it - and ask her to come over and show him what a nice person she is, WITHOUT the alcohol.


----------

