# How is everyone handling the Holidays?



## stumped (May 16, 2008)

My official seperation date is 9-20-08 because thats when I actually moved out, but I say the seperation started officially prior to that because he told me he was done. Anyway here come the holidays fast approaching and I have to say even though I have no desire to be with my ex I have found that I am not in the Christmas Spirit one bit. Just wanted to see if anyone else is going through this same thing and maybe how people are coping with it.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

stumped said:


> My official seperation date is 9-20-08 because thats when I actually moved out, but I say the seperation started officially prior to that because he told me he was done. Anyway here come the holidays fast approaching and I have to say even though I have no desire to be with my ex I have found that I am not in the Christmas Spirit one bit. Just wanted to see if anyone else is going through this same thing and maybe how people are coping with it.


coping...that's it...no really, holidays are a magic time in our (separated since june 20th) family...we are doing most all the stuff we always did...the holiday season kicks off for us on thanksgiving with a thanksgiving morning breakfast and the movie "a christmas story." then we shop, then it's my oldest daughter's birthday 12/11. then i drive up the hill to load the truck with snow for the front yard. then i don't go to wifes family's christmas eve (because they disrespected my wife all through her childhood) but the kids go, then we open some little presents christmas eve and watch "it's a wonderful life." then we drive around the neighborhoods looking at christmas lights. then christmas morning, breakfast, hot chocolate, presents, and another christmas movie."it's a wonderful life" OUR MOVIE, my wife called it, is tapped for next weekend. yay!

this year, i've been blessed by a wife who i truly believe loves me today and has done christmas shopping for me.

i think my answer is ritual and tradition is how i'm coping. and praying for reconciliation.


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## Whitesboro (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm not handling the holidays well at all. My husband left me almost 4 weeks ago and I have not seen or heard from him at all. Thanksgiving was really sad for me even though I was with my grown kids and grand kids I had a couple of drinks and that made me get in the I hate you for walking out on me after 26 years. It's hard to listen to Christmas music at work let alone trying to think about decorating. I do not have the spirit yet and don't know if I will this year. Tommorow I go to the attorney's and that will be a hard day for me. I'm really trying to be positive but get angry alot. Please, any words of advice. This is worse than a death.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Whitesboro said:


> I'm not handling the holidays well at all. My husband left me almost 4 weeks ago and I have not seen or heard from him at all. Thanksgiving was really sad for me even though I was with my grown kids and grand kids I had a couple of drinks and that made me get in the I hate you for walking out on me after 26 years. It's hard to listen to Christmas music at work let alone trying to think about decorating. I do not have the spirit yet and don't know if I will this year. Tommorow I go to the attorney's and that will be a hard day for me. I'm really trying to be positive but get angry alot. Please, any words of advice. This is worse than a death.


what i did on thanksgiving eve was help a homeless shelter. you put yourself to good work, talking to people who really don't have a pot to piss in. they appreciate you as a human being, and it doesn't cost anything but a little time.

the drink thing...gosh, alcohol is a depressant, i don't need to be any more depressed either. find a park, walk your pet. this is a tough time of year to be going through this. go to a church. even if you are not catholic (i'm not) you can maybe find a midnight mass on christmas, enjoy being around people. i don't know. just don't get caught up in the woah is me's.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Whitesboro said:


> I'm not handling the holidays well at all. My husband left me almost 4 weeks ago and I have not seen or heard from him at all. Thanksgiving was really sad for me even though I was with my grown kids and grand kids I had a couple of drinks and that made me get in the I hate you for walking out on me after 26 years. It's hard to listen to Christmas music at work let alone trying to think about decorating. I do not have the spirit yet and don't know if I will this year. Tommorow I go to the attorney's and that will be a hard day for me. I'm really trying to be positive but get angry alot. Please, any words of advice. This is worse than a death.


Whitesboro,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going thorugh... but i do feel for you.. it will be 2 months to the day on Christmas day that my wife asked me to move out after 16 years together.... How do you cope ??? i dont know because I am not doing well either... I am not at the angry stage more the self pity stage and wondering why and how she could do this... I do know it gets easier.. when i found tis site 3 weeks ago i was a wreck... still am but the moments that i still think of my wife and daughters are less and less as time passes.. I dwell on the fact that my wife could care less that i will be alone xmas morning so i have thought of going to spend the day at the nursing home in my town... now those people need someone too on a day like Christmas



keep trying to do things for yourself and take it day by day.. minute by minute of you have to but know that it will get better and easier...

your in my thoughts and prayers...


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## now_what (Sep 17, 2008)

Whitesboro said:


> I'm not handling the holidays well at all. My husband left me almost 4 weeks ago and I have not seen or heard from him at all. Thanksgiving was really sad for me even though I was with my grown kids and grand kids I had a couple of drinks and that made me get in the I hate you for walking out on me after 26 years. It's hard to listen to Christmas music at work let alone trying to think about decorating. I do not have the spirit yet and don't know if I will this year. Tommorow I go to the attorney's and that will be a hard day for me. I'm really trying to be positive but get angry alot. Please, any words of advice. This is worse than a death.


I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much, but it does get better - I can finally make it through the day without crying on the way to and from work. It's been almost three months since my husband left after 30 years. I have only heard from him by email.

The holidays do seem a little strange without my husband around - but I have tried to focus on the people who are still in my life and enjoy being with them. My husband chose to remove himself from my life, so there's not much I can do about that, but he can't take away the joy I get from the rest of my family.

I sent you a PM, please feel free to contact me as much as you like.


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## MOM2BELLA (Nov 18, 2008)

My husband just told me that he wanted the divorce last night so I don't know how I'm gonna make it through my daughters 1st Christmas. I love him so much eventhough this is probably for the best. He says that he will spend Christmas Eve and Day with us.
That will be hard. But I'm trying to make Bella's first Christmas a great one. This is also a hard time because my grandmother is dying of breast cancer and I know this will be her last Christmas. I didn't want it to be like this.

I'm so sad


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I'm also going through this right now, so it's much more difficult than had it happened several months ago.

X-mas hasn't been as important to me in recent years, since many of my own family members passed away. For the last 10 or so years, it's only be my mom and I from my own family.

Consequently, x-mas has been spent with my wife's family, which has turned into it's own tradition, and I was glad to be a part of that and looked forward to it every year.

I love my mom unconditionally, but she is an alcoholic who doesn't, and hasn't, coped well with the loss of her husband (my dad) and her dad in the last few years. We always try to make the best of x-mas, but she's not in the mood, either. This time of year, my wife and I would go over to my mom's for a x-mas dinner, gift exchange, board game night on Dec 24. Now it's just me.

And on x-mas day, I will have no one for the first time in my life. I don't have anybody close enough to me here that would ask me to join them. (all my close friends have moved away over the years)

The timing of my wife telling me she wanted to leave and experience life was bad despite the upcoming holidays. We are both self employed, and consequently haven't taken a proper vacation in many years. We finally took one at the end of November, and I had such a good time. She was so happy. I won't get into details, but we basically followed our favourite band around on tour for a week. She's obsessed with this band, and I like them too, but not to the degree that she does.

What she and I were able to do was the stuff of magic for her. She was able to go on the side of the stage with the band while they were playing. The guitarist came over and posed for a picture with her while playing. We went out for beers with the band after the show, and hung out on their tour bus for a few hours after that. It was something to remember for both of us, for sure, but because it's more HER band than mine, just to see how happy and excited she was made me almost fall in love with her all over again.

Then 4 days after getting back, she tells me she wants to see other people.

In essence people, there is no good time for any of this. Holidays or not. They ARE difficult, no doubt, but there's always something close by, within a few weeks - birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, anything that can be construed as "how could you do this to me at THIS time?"

But yes, x-mas is particularly difficult.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Holidays can be so very difficult when one’s life is in turmoil. Many of us carry a mental photo album of happier times during the season. My best advice is to spend the Holidays with your children, family, friends, co-workers…. Revel in the happiness they bring to you during this Christmas season and find comfort in that they will be there for you for many more to come. Also that as hard as it may be this year for some it will likely be greatly improved next year. Bless All!!!


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## John777 (Dec 13, 2008)

I cannot even begin to think about xmas. I keep the TV and radio off so not to be reminded of it. I feel to wrecked in my mind to want to go anywhere either. 

John


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i'm not dealing well at all. a lot of crying and wishing i can cancel christmas . my dr put me on anxiety pills coz he doesn't want me stressed out at all (stress isn't good for my heart problems at all). i truly don't know how i'm going to get through christmas. new year's is going to be even worse coz i' ve always been depressed that night (ever since i was a little girl, don't know why)


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2008)

Alone. That's how this season is turning out. Family is 1000 miles away. No friends in a town we moved to for her to be with her family. No one in this entire area to spend xmas with. All while she can live with her "friend". Merry xmas Jody, I love you too.


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Trying to stay calm about it, this is our sons second xmas but last year he was 2 young to even rip open a present, this year I was all excited about until my H decided its best we separate and moved out a month ago. Actually just sent him a text earlier saying "I hate you for ruining this Xmas" and he wrote back "Sorry". I told him if he wants to spend Xmas morning with his kid, he's welcome to stay over. He didnt say anything so when he was leaving last night, I said, I guess let me know what u want to do about Xmas, he said what is there to do, I said if u want to be here Xmas morning or not. He said I didnt say no, so it means Yes. I am so hurt by it all, I dont even know how to handle him anymore. One minute I want him back and waiting with open arms for him to come back to us and next minute I hate him for everything he's doing. I hope eveyone finds a way to enjoy this holiday and make the best out of our situations. Wish you all the best.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

kuki...
i'm sorry things are going that way...jason, i been following you buddy...things are looking up, right? the upside is i had dinner at beth's again tonight...then we went for a drive to look at christmas lights...roads are rough here this time of year so we cut it short...we put off "a christmas carole" for tomorrow and we're adding "miracle on 34th street"...beth's heart is softening...i can feel it...she wore her silk pajama bottoms tonight and wow she looked amazing...she knows i'm checking her out, right? anyway, the holidays are shaping up to be real good i guess...mother in law called me at work today just to chat...she's got her own agenda...whatever...happy holidays..my heart goes out to all....


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2008)

My wife spent a total of 20 minutes with me on the phone this weekend til I called and asked why she does this to me every weekend. She says she is busy doing things with her friend (male friend she met in a vid game who lives 600 miles away btw) or his family. right! So today I thought maybe she could show some interest in me. I got a total of 30 minutes in two calls. Otherwise she spent the whole fricken night playing her G.D. game with him online. They even went and got a quick bite to eat. She says I am over reacting. Ok lets see, she is living in HIS house, supposedly renting a spare bed room, his kids room, while she figures out what she wants. I'm supposed to hang tight and wait to have her come back to me which she says she is going to but doesnt know when. For sure isnt this xmas.... Ok, how bleepin dumb am I???? I mean come on, are you serious?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Jason said:


> My wife spent a total of 20 minutes with me on the phone this weekend til I called and asked why she does this to me every weekend. She says she is busy doing things with her friend (male friend she met in a vid game who lives 600 miles away btw) or his family. right! So today I thought maybe she could show some interest in me. I got a total of 30 minutes in two calls. Otherwise she spent the whole fricken night playing her G.D. game with him online. They even went and got a quick bite to eat. She says I am over reacting. Ok lets see, she is living in HIS house, supposedly renting a spare bed room, his kids room, while she figures out what she wants. I'm supposed to hang tight and wait to have her come back to me which she says she is going to but doesnt know when. For sure isnt this xmas.... Ok, how bleepin dumb am I???? I mean come on, are you serious?


isn't she talking about getting back together and starting fresh for the new year? that's what i was referring to man. she's some confused chick...a guy she met in a video game??? okay, i'm stupid...how's that happen???


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

Thank God they are over, I spent most of it crying and fighting. Hope everyone had a better one or at least hope to have better ones to come.


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## stumped (May 16, 2008)

Christmas Eve was really bad for me.....I cried most of the night. Christmas day was better...no tears. New Years was great.......bring on a better year 2009.


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