# Should I divorce her?



## Homer Simpson 354402

Hello. My wife and I have been married for 1 year and together for 3. I’m 23; she’s 22. We’re both in college and have no children.

Here are some important facts.

My wife has C-PTSD due to a horrific, abusive childhood
My wife is bisexual (we’ve had threesomes with other women, which is cool)
I am okay with my wife having sex, alone, with other women as long as a) I know about it, b) She doesn’t give me STD’s and c) she doesn’t get physical, to any extent, with other women in front of other guys. I am not jealous of other women. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t consider it cheating. She almost never wants to do it, anyways.
I’m considering divorce after recently discovering some crazy **** she did a year ago. It has taken me by surprise because things were good between us for the past year. It’s weird to discover new, potentially deal-breaking info that happened a while ago. I will list everything she did below. I’ll also list some things I already knew about her that are also suddenly making me question our marriage.

For some background, all the crazy sh*t happened during a time of intense stress for both of us. (Once again, this was a year ago). Her dysfunctional family caused some rough drama and put us in a difficult spot. I won’t go into the details. I became resentful toward my wife because of the tremendous stress her family caused us, even though it wasn’t my wife’s fault. I feel guilty for doing this. I should have been more optimistic, supportive, and loving toward my wife. Our relationship became very tumultuous. We argued constantly. It was also very difficult for my wife because the drama forced my wife to relive some trauma she experienced as a child. I just want to be fair and admit that I am to blame for much of my wife’s stress during this time. I didn’t handle things in the best way and wasn’t there for her like I could have been.

Here’s a list of events that I already knew happened, but now, upon reflecting on them, have made me question if I should stay with her:

She lead her friend’s sugar daddy on and manipulated him into giving money to my drug-addict mother-in-law. She says it was to help care for her half-sister, who is 2 years old. At least it was for a good cause, right? She allowed her friend's sugar daddy to take her and her friend out shopping and also visited his house several times (with her friend). She claims nothing happened except for giving him a kiss on the cheek one time. Wtf? I found messages from him where he appeared to be really angry. He called her manipulative and said he felt “taken advantage of.” The whole conversation (the part that hadn't been deleted) was too vague to reveal any specifics. Again, I told her we were getting a divorce but she apologized and convinced me to stay.
She did the same thing when we started dating, but to a different dude. She moved up to my city to be closer to me and was paying $1000 a month for an apartment with no roommates. She did this just to be closer to me, which, on a more positive note, is one of the many things that shows her commitment to me. Her car broke down and she needed to get to work. She opted to lead on this rich dude so he’d let her borrow his Mercedes to get to work. She used it for like 6 months. According to her, their pseudo-relationship did not get physical. She said they never even saw each other. It was all over text. She had already told me about how she got the car. It bothered me a lot but I was ultimately okay with it. If some rich dude wanted to simp for her and lend her one of his cars, so be it. However she didn’t tell me she was consistently texting him. I later discovered their texts and it was more intimate than what I was comfortable with. Nothing sexual, just them talking about how they wish they could see each other more, etc. I almost broke up with her that night.
She helped her brother sell cocaine behind my back and even stored it in our SHARED CAR on a few occasions. This put me at a tremendous legal risk and, by itself, would be justification to end the relationship. She insisted that she never used it. I recently discovered that was a lie. Again, I said we were splitting up. She convinced me to stay.
This one is less about what she’s done and more about the risks involved with staying with her. Her mom is a meth-addict and conceived a child with her new drug-addict boyfriend. That child is now two. She will very likely lose custody of her child in the future. CPS has been called several times already. My wife wants to adopt her if (when?) that happens. I, on the other hand, do not want to adopt her and become further entangled with her dysfunctional family. However, I see myself adopting her anyways out of a sense of duty. No other friends and family would take the poor kid. This is something I would have to think about if I were to stay in this marriage.
She can be emotionally volatile. I have a wealth of examples in my head, but one that comes to mind is the time she, in the middle of the night, sprinted out of the house barefooted saying that she wanted to kill herself, which prompted me to chase after her and calm her down. I'm sure the neighbors heard all the crazy yelling. After some therapy and self-reflection, she’s gotten better.
When she has a C-PTSD "trigger," she dissociates and becomes a different person: cold, unpredictable, and with no regard for herself. While she's "triggered," she says despicable things to me and swears at me a lot.
For the most part, I do not like her social circle. She admits that, because of her past, she is more drawn to damaged people. Her girl friends are, although fun, usually hyper-promiscuous party girls, many of whom cheat on their husbands/boyfriends. Her guy friends range from like-able misfits to straight-up sleazy people. I'm not trying to sound like a prude; I, too, like to party and add a dose of chaos into my life on occasion.
She has always had issues with self-care, lying depressed in a dark room for days at a time, hardly eating or sleeping. (She has an eating disorder).
While stressed, sad, or anxious, she has impulsively involved herself in dangerous situations. One time, while chilling out at a bar, some guy asked her, "How much for a night?" After repeatedly telling him she wasn't interested, and after he continued to ask and increase the amount, she eventually got angry; she accepted his $500 invitation, met up with him at nearby hotel, only to then take the money and run away. Kind of a funny story, but also very risky. At a party, she started a fight with a guy because she saw him hit his girlfriend and he ended up giving my wife a concussion (noble, but reckless). The police came and my wife was charged with something — I forget what.
Here are things I just found out, that have triggered me to write this post and to seriously consider divorce:

I found old snapchat conversations (from the rough patch time period) of her flirting with several other guys. I asked her during our rough patch if he was doing this. She lied. There was no sexting but the flirting was overtly sexual. She said things like, “Thinking of you,” “I want you inside me.” She said she did it for attention and was too stressed, depressed, and anxious to think twice about the bad decisions she was making.
This is the big one. Before I describe what happened, re-read the key points I made at the top of my post about my arrangement with my wife and other women. So, here it is. I found out that one night at a bar (she was often at a bar during this time) she met a pimp who she flirted with, and who offered her a job with two other women at a nearby hotel. My wife agreed, and went to the hotel and had _unprotected_ sex with two women for pay. So, she prostituted herself out. She described all of this to me. She said she asked him if he had any female clients because she knew I wouldn’t be okay with men. Well, I wouldn’t have been okay with her selling herself under any circumstances, but at least she didn’t cheat on me with another man. That’s the only thing that could make this somewhat okay.
She flirted with the pimp over snapchat a month after all of that^ happened. It appeared that she was trying to make plans to meet up with him as he was passing through the city but they fell through. She claims she was looking to prostitute herself out again. I just have to trust that was her plan, because it sounded like she was trying to meet up with him. As bad as both of these possibilities are, she knows I would rather it be the former. Just a few week ago, when I found all of this out, I saw that the pimp had reached back out to her. She said something friendly, similar to, “Oh hey! Sorry, I deleted my old Snapchat and have been on my new one, so I haven’t seen any messages from my old account.” In my mind, this is bad. If she was truly done with that whole thing, she wouldn’t have responded at all and instead immediately blocked him. She swears she had no intention of doing anything. She was just platonically responding to him. Yes, but why?... What do you guys think about this?
She gave me Chlamydia and Gonorrhea from the night at the hotel and lied about how I got it. She performed some mental gymnastics and said something about how we must've gotten them from a past threesome and how are original treatments didn't work and yada yada yada. She went to the urgent care with me and continued to lie through her teeth about all of it. I was an idiot and believed her.
One of her sl*tty friends (who is now an enemy of my wife for some petty reason) messaged me saying that, when they were friends, she would frequently cheat on me. I don't trust this girl or my wife at this point so I don't know what to make of this.
On several occasions, she made out with other girls in front of other guys at a bar. This violated my boundaries with other women as described above.
She lied about why her car needed repairs one day. She told me she got into an accident, but she recently revealed that she actually drove home drunk and hit a pole.
When I found this out, I told her we were getting a divorce. She became suicidal. She emphasized that she wasn't trying to manipulate me into staying; rather, she was just being honest about how she didn't think she would survive our divorce. She said she had nothing else, and that my family and I are all she has. This freaked me out. I soothed her and made some empty promises about how we might be able to work things out. A few days later, I tried to divorce her again, and the same thing happened. She cried and begged and pleaded. Then she became suicidal again. I "took her back".

It's now been a few weeks. We're in a weird limbo. I'm going to school full time so I can't even afford to spend a lot of time addressing this. And, weirdly enough, I'm still hesitant to get a divorce. She apologized for everything and said she was ashamed and disappointed in herself. She apologized for putting me in a situation where I felt like she might kill herself. She said that if I wanted a divorce, she would make it as easy as possible for me, buying me breakfast and paying for gas on the way to the divorce lawyer. She also swore that regardless of whether I stayed or left, she would work on herself and not harm herself. Now, I’m uncertain what to do.

So, why am I struggling to leave her? Well, because despite everything, she’s been a great partner in many ways. Whereas most people in relationships have a small amount of bad that is outweighed by a larger amount of good, my wife has a lot of bad that is outweighed by an even larger amount of good. When I asked her to marry me, that was my thought process, anyways. I certainly noticed the red flags when we got together, but to me, she was worth it. She's a stellar person and a very committed wife. As a former Nursing assistant, she told my parents they could live in our basement, rather than a retirement home, when they grew old, and she would gladly wipe their butts, lol. This is typical of her. She’s self-less in this way and has proved it to me — a very empathetic and loving person. She cooks for me a lot. We have basically unlimited sex. She's smart and gorgeous. She very much values my time and attention. She is the opposite of the cold, bored, dissatisfied wife. She doesn't care if we're going to a 5-star steakhouse on a Friday night or Taco Bell in our pajamas at 1:00am -- she's just giddy to spend time with me. She usually insists on paying for dates. She's down-to-earth and low-maintenance. She's pleasant to be around and easy-going. She's got a phenomenal relationship with my family -- they think she's amazing. She loves me deeply and wants to be a stay-at-home mom for our children. We have the same goal in raising a family. In many ways, I have an enviable marriage.

After she did all the crazy sh*t, she changed for the better and the past year has been good because of that. She stopped drinking. She cut out all her old party friends. She’s deleted all her social media accounts and reset with new ones. She’s given me the passwords to her phone and her social media. She’s often made me breakfast in bed. She’s made delicious dinners. She’s been highly respectful of me. She’s controlled her relationship with her dysfunctional family and they no longer negatively affect us. She doesn’t go to bars without me. She’s gone to therapy and is working on building healthier habits. Emotionally, she’s much better. Overall, she’s worked really hard to change.
So here’s my question. She’s changed a lot and put effort into our relationship. However, I’ve lost tons of trust and respect for her, knowing what she’s done and the insane stress she caused me. Should I even consider staying? I go back and forth a lot. Some days, I want to get the hell out of this relationship because I don’t think I will ever be able to get over what she’s done. The idea of leaving sometimes makes me feel relieved and excited, even. I’m tempted to go live a single, fun, stress-free life for a few years where I can focus on finishing my Master’s degree in Computer Science and maybe even start a business. We are young and have no kids or shared assets, so the divorce would be simile and fast. I would have no issues dating again. I’m 6’4 with a well-built physique (I’ve been lifting for years), good charisma, and I’m heading into a good career. I also come from a great family and extended family. When I feel like this. the thought of staying makes me feel like a fool, and makes me feel like I am sacrificing some of my self-respect. Other days, I’m reminded of how much I love her and how much effort she’s put in, and I want to stay. On these days, the thought of leaving doesn’t make me excited — it just makes me feel terribly sad.

She’s currently being very sweet and loving to me, just like she’s been doing the past year. I know that leaving would destroy her. She’s pleading with me not to leave, saying me and my family are all she has. She is genuinely remorseful and is has become really down on herself. I saw some of her texts to her brother about the situation: she took full responsibility for everything and told him she feels like a failure. Either way, it’s hard to love her because I’m clogged up with so much distrust and a lack of respect. She also knows I’m on the fence about leaving and not knowing what I’ll do is causing her tons of anxiety, which I feel bad about. So I really need to make a decision soon and stick with it.

I recently told her I wanted us to separate for a month or two. She rejected this idea and told me she would rather just leave and we’d get a divorce. But I would love to go to sleep and wake up by myself for a few weeks while I consider things. After all, my future kids’ well-being rests on my decision, too. I want to be as thorough and clear-headed as I can about this situation.

So, what do you guys think I should do? What would you do if you were in my shoes? I need an outside perspective because I know people don’t always think clearly when they’re in a situation like mine. I’ve already posted my story in an other online forum, but I’m hungry for more advice as I am paralyzed with this decision.

Thank you.


----------



## LisaDiane

Everything you've written is very concerning, and has future unhappiness at best and life-altering consequences at the worst.

I have more to write, but I want to know...when you say your family loves her, do they know even a few of the things you've written above?


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

LisaDiane said:


> Everything you've written is very concerning, and has future unhappiness at best and life-altering consequences at the worst.
> 
> I have more to write, but I want to know...when you say your family loves her, do they know even a few of the things you've written above?


No, they do not.


----------



## LisaDiane

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> No, they do not.


How do you think they would feel if they knew...what would they tell you about being with her?


----------



## Rob_1

You know..it saddens me to see today's young men lack of character and self respect in today's pervasive society. These men are from birth not taught how to respond and to interact with women in general. The feminist agendas introduced early in schools are teaching these young men to be just a provider nothing else while everything is outright geared toward the females getting everything legally and in every facet of society. 

Your naivete in your outlook toward a relationship shows how screw out the system has made today's males. FYI. it is not only pathetic, but a lack of self respect and a complete ignorance of what a relationship with a bi-sexual woman that has mental problems will mean to you as time goes by. You should know that people with mental illness as they age in average they do not get better, they get worse; moreover if you were to have the experience that years of life teach you, you would understand that marriage with a bi-sexual woman also mean that in the end a lot of these women und up leaving their husband/partner for a woman. 

You need to go back and study biology and the genetic imprints that are determinant in males and females, so that you learn what as a male you should strive to in this world. Your permissiveness of her being able to have relationships with women is an indication of your lack of self as a man and as an individual. you're lacking the knowledge, experience, and intuition that should warn you that what you have been doing with her is so detrimental to your own well being and interest in the long run. You have set up yourself for failure from the get go.

You need to leave this relationship. Please, do not second guess yourself. Do it. Do not let her blackmail you with threats of suicide, because if she were to follow through with a threat like that, you would need to understand that is not your fault in any shape or form. It would be all on her. Please, UNDERSTAND this. 

Also, you should start learning that in a relationship when it comes to infidelity it shouldn't matter the who, why, when, how, just that infidelity was committed and that you need to get out of infidelity and of the relationship as your best bet going forward.

LEAVE HER. PERIOD.


----------



## Benbutton

Here is my list:
1. You are being lied to
2. You are being lied to
3. You are being lied to
4. You are being manipulated 
5. You have been cheated on
6. You are being lied to
7. You are 23, she is 22
8. She is NUTS
9. So is her family
10. Oh...and the drugs

Holy **** do I need more, because I'm sure I've missed some things...


----------



## bobert

Honestly, the easiest and safest choice is to divorce. You are young, it has been a short marriage, and you don't have kids. People are unsure about many decisions in life, so you need to understand that you won't be 100% sure about either choice. You have to look at the facts, then make the best decision you can. 

If you were to stay married...

Your wife absolutely needs to stay in therapy, and you both need to understand that it will take her years to really improve the deep-down stuff. There is no quick fix for issues like that, and she won't be a safe partner until she deals with everything - not just the surface-level stuff. And honestly, most people do not do enough work on themselves. Has she told her therapist about her childhood? A lot of people trickle truth their BS, but also their therapists. 

You would need to "pause" certain parts of your life (like children, buying a home if you haven't already). Is it worth it to take that risk for several years? You need to see a real change in her before "unpausing" things, and real change takes years. 

Speaking of children... Make sure your wife talks to her mental health team before going down that route. Her medication(s) could cause issues, her mental health could worsen, etc. Also, some people who have been through childhood trauma have difficulty being parents themselves. That is something that you have to be prepared for. 

You wife needs to understand that she was unfaithful, a liar, and destroyed the trust. It is NOT up to her how you process that information and she needs to stop trying to control the situation. She really needs to step up here and do some serious work. Do not rug sweep the situation. 

You should be seeing a therapist as well. You are going to need it. If you want to take a break to clear your head and figure things out, do it. But do it with rules, a solid plan (do not just wing it), and with the understanding that she will likely stray again. 

Your wife has a history of manipulating men for money and you could very easily be next. You said you have a good career ahead of you and it sounds like you could support her as a SAHM. That's a bit of a red flag, given her past. So I think a post-nup is a must, but make sure it's done properly or it can be thrown out in court for being unfair, signed under duress, etc. 

I would think long and hard about her being a SAHM. If you divorce down the road, you will get hit with a lot of alimony. So if you are making the choice for her to be a SAHM, you are also signing up for a lot of alimony - possibly for the rest of your life depending on the circumstances at the time. 

Last but certainly not least... Next time she threatens to kill herself, call 911. If she is being genuine, they will help her. If she is lying, you will know pretty quickly. 

I'm married to someone who had a lot of horrific childhood trauma caused by her family, and mental health issues stemming from that, and she's done a lot of crap. So I'm not a stranger to this type of situation. My opinion is that, at this stage in your life, it would be a lot easier to leave now and start over.


----------



## farsidejunky

Sorry, man, but she is a dumpster fire, with extremely low potential for a stable relationship.

The only way you could conceivably consider continuing is if there was improvement. Improvement requires honesty and humility, neither of which is present. 

Lastly, stability seems like such a non-factor when young. However, the older you become, the more it matters. I see nothing about her that says 'stable'.

I would cut my losses. This one is broken, likely beyond repair. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Lostinthought61

you are married to a train wreak cheater who could seriously get you into trouble with law enforcement and you are seriously wondering if you divorce her? Hell Yes like yesterday 

stop being a doormat


----------



## oldshirt

I stopped reading after the first paragraph or so.

You simply need to learn the difference between the Funtime chicks you get hummers from at the club and sane, sober, decent women that are relationship and wife/mother material. 

Drop this one back off at the strip joint where she belongs and get legally/financially disconnected from her as fast as humanly possible.


----------



## oldshirt

If you have ever seen the Hot/Crazy Matrix video, then you should know this chick is a stripper trying to save up money to go to hairdresser school and her name is Tiffany.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Hello. My wife and I have been married for 1 year and together for 3. I’m 23; she’s 22. We’re both in college and have no children.
> 
> Here are some important facts.
> 
> My wife has C-PTSD due to a horrific, abusive childhood
> My wife is bisexual (we’ve had threesomes with other women, which is cool)
> I am okay with my wife having sex, alone, with other women as long as a) I know about it, b) She doesn’t give me STD’s and c) she doesn’t get physical, to any extent, with other women in front of other guys. I am not jealous of other women. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t consider it cheating. She almost never wants to do it, anyways.
> I’m considering divorce after recently discovering some crazy sh*t she did a year ago. It has taken me by surprise because things were good between us for the past year. It’s weird to discover new, potentially deal-breaking info that happened a while ago. I will list everything she did below. I’ll also list some things I already knew about her that are also suddenly making me question our marriage.
> 
> For some background, all the crazy sh*t happened during a time of intense stress for both of us. (Once again, this was a year ago). Her dysfunctional family caused some rough drama and put us in a difficult spot. I won’t go into the details. I became resentful toward my wife because of the tremendous stress her family caused us, even though it wasn’t my wife’s fault. I feel guilty for doing this. I should have been more optimistic, supportive, and loving toward my wife. Our relationship became very tumultuous. We argued constantly. It was also very difficult for my wife because the drama forced my wife to relive some trauma she experienced as a child. I just want to be fair and admit that I am to blame for much of my wife’s stress during this time. I didn’t handle things in the best way and wasn’t there for her like I could have been.
> 
> Here’s a list of events that I already knew happened, but now, upon reflecting on them, have made me question if I should stay with her:
> 
> She lead her friend’s sugar daddy on and manipulated him into giving money to my drug-addict mother-in-law. She says it was to help care for her half-sister, who is 2 years old. At least it was for a good cause, right? She allowed her friend's sugar daddy to take her and her friend out shopping and also visited his house several times (with her friend). She claims nothing happened except for giving him a kiss on the cheek one time. Wtf? I found messages from him where he appeared to be really angry. He called her manipulative and said he felt “taken advantage of.” The whole conversation (the part that hadn't been deleted) was too vague to reveal any specifics. Again, I told her we were getting a divorce but she apologized and convinced me to stay.
> She did the same thing when we started dating, but to a different dude. She moved up to my city to be closer to me and was paying $1000 a month for an apartment with no roommates. She did this just to be closer to me, which, on a more positive note, is one of the many things that shows her commitment to me. Her car broke down and she needed to get to work. She opted to lead on this rich dude so he’d let her borrow his Mercedes to get to work. She used it for like 6 months. According to her, their pseudo-relationship did not get physical. She said they never even saw each other. It was all over text. She had already told me about how she got the car. It bothered me a lot but I was ultimately okay with it. If some rich dude wanted to simp for her and lend her one of his cars, so be it. However she didn’t tell me she was consistently texting him. I later discovered their texts and it was more intimate than what I was comfortable with. Nothing sexual, just them talking about how they wish they could see each other more, etc. I almost broke up with her that night.
> She helped her brother sell cocaine behind my back and even stored it in our SHARED CAR on a few occasions. This put me at a tremendous legal risk and, by itself, would be justification to end the relationship. She insisted that she never used it. I recently discovered that was a lie. Again, I said we were splitting up. She convinced me to stay.
> This one is less about what she’s done and more about the risks involved with staying with her. Her mom is a meth-addict and conceived a child with her new drug-addict boyfriend. That child is now two. She will very likely lose custody of her child in the future. CPS has been called several times already. My wife wants to adopt her if (when?) that happens. I, on the other hand, do not want to adopt her and become further entangled with her dysfunctional family. However, I see myself adopting her anyways out of a sense of duty. No other friends and family would take the poor kid. This is something I would have to think about if I were to stay in this marriage.
> She can be emotionally volatile. I have a wealth of examples in my head, but one that comes to mind is the time she, in the middle of the night, sprinted out of the house barefooted saying that she wanted to kill herself, which prompted me to chase after her and calm her down. I'm sure the neighbors heard all the crazy yelling. After some therapy and self-reflection, she’s gotten better.
> When she has a C-PTSD "trigger," she dissociates and becomes a different person: cold, unpredictable, and with no regard for herself. While she's "triggered," she says despicable things to me and swears at me a lot.
> For the most part, I do not like her social circle. She admits that, because of her past, she is more drawn to damaged people. Her girl friends are, although fun, usually hyper-promiscuous party girls, many of whom cheat on their husbands/boyfriends. Her guy friends range from like-able misfits to straight-up sleazy people. I'm not trying to sound like a prude; I, too, like to party and add a dose of chaos into my life on occasion.
> She has always had issues with self-care, lying depressed in a dark room for days at a time, hardly eating or sleeping. (She has an eating disorder).
> While stressed, sad, or anxious, she has impulsively involved herself in dangerous situations. One time, while chilling out at a bar, some guy asked her, "How much for a night?" After repeatedly telling him she wasn't interested, and after he continued to ask and increase the amount, she eventually got angry; she accepted his $500 invitation, met up with him at nearby hotel, only to then take the money and run away. Kind of a funny story, but also very risky. At a party, she started a fight with a guy because she saw him hit his girlfriend and he ended up giving my wife a concussion (noble, but reckless). The police came and my wife was charged with something — I forget what.
> Here are things I just found out, that have triggered me to write this post and to seriously consider divorce:
> 
> I found old snapchat conversations (from the rough patch time period) of her flirting with several other guys. I asked her during our rough patch if he was doing this. She lied. There was no sexting but the flirting was overtly sexual. She said things like, “Thinking of you,” “I want you inside me.” She said she did it for attention and was too stressed, depressed, and anxious to think twice about the bad decisions she was making.
> This is the big one. Before I describe what happened, re-read the key points I made at the top of my post about my arrangement with my wife and other women. So, here it is. I found out that one night at a bar (she was often at a bar during this time) she met a pimp who she flirted with, and who offered her a job with two other women at a nearby hotel. My wife agreed, and went to the hotel and had _unprotected_ sex with two women for pay. So, she prostituted herself out. She described all of this to me. She said she asked him if he had any female clients because she knew I wouldn’t be okay with men. Well, I wouldn’t have been okay with her selling herself under any circumstances, but at least she didn’t cheat on me with another man. That’s the only thing that could make this somewhat okay.
> She flirted with the pimp over snapchat a month after all of that^ happened. It appeared that she was trying to make plans to meet up with him as he was passing through the city but they fell through. She claims she was looking to prostitute herself out again. I just have to trust that was her plan, because it sounded like she was trying to meet up with him. As bad as both of these possibilities are, she knows I would rather it be the former. Just a few week ago, when I found all of this out, I saw that the pimp had reached back out to her. She said something friendly, similar to, “Oh hey! Sorry, I deleted my old Snapchat and have been on my new one, so I haven’t seen any messages from my old account.” In my mind, this is bad. If she was truly done with that whole thing, she wouldn’t have responded at all and instead immediately blocked him. She swears she had no intention of doing anything. She was just platonically responding to him. Yes, but why?... What do you guys think about this?
> She gave me Chlamydia and Gonorrhea from the night at the hotel and lied about how I got it. She performed some mental gymnastics and said something about how we must've gotten them from a past threesome and how are original treatments didn't work and yada yada yada. She went to the urgent care with me and continued to lie through her teeth about all of it. I was an idiot and believed her.
> One of her sl*tty friends (who is now an enemy of my wife for some petty reason) messaged me saying that, when they were friends, she would frequently cheat on me. I don't trust this girl or my wife at this point so I don't know what to make of this.
> On several occasions, she made out with other girls in front of other guys at a bar. This violated my boundaries with other women as described above.
> She lied about why her car needed repairs one day. She told me she got into an accident, but she recently revealed that she actually drove home drunk and hit a pole.
> When I found this out, I told her we were getting a divorce. She became suicidal. She emphasized that she wasn't trying to manipulate me into staying; rather, she was just being honest about how she didn't think she would survive our divorce. She said she had nothing else, and that my family and I are all she has. This freaked me out. I soothed her and made some empty promises about how we might be able to work things out. A few days later, I tried to divorce her again, and the same thing happened. She cried and begged and pleaded. Then she became suicidal again. I "took her back".
> 
> It's now been a few weeks. We're in a weird limbo. I'm going to school full time so I can't even afford to spend a lot of time addressing this. And, weirdly enough, I'm still hesitant to get a divorce. She apologized for everything and said she was ashamed and disappointed in herself. She apologized for putting me in a situation where I felt like she might kill herself. She said that if I wanted a divorce, she would make it as easy as possible for me, buying me breakfast and paying for gas on the way to the divorce lawyer. She also swore that regardless of whether I stayed or left, she would work on herself and not harm herself. Now, I’m uncertain what to do.
> 
> So, why am I struggling to leave her? Well, because despite everything, she’s been a great partner in many ways. Whereas most people in relationships have a small amount of bad that is outweighed by a larger amount of good, my wife has a lot of bad that is outweighed by an even larger amount of good. When I asked her to marry me, that was my thought process, anyways. I certainly noticed the red flags when we got together, but to me, she was worth it. She's a stellar person and a very committed wife. As a former Nursing assistant, she told my parents they could live in our basement, rather than a retirement home, when they grew old, and she would gladly wipe their butts, lol. This is typical of her. She’s self-less in this way and has proved it to me — a very empathetic and loving person. She cooks for me a lot. We have basically unlimited sex. She's smart and gorgeous. She very much values my time and attention. She is the opposite of the cold, bored, dissatisfied wife. She doesn't care if we're going to a 5-star steakhouse on a Friday night or Taco Bell in our pajamas at 1:00am -- she's just giddy to spend time with me. She usually insists on paying for dates. She's down-to-earth and low-maintenance. She's pleasant to be around and easy-going. She's got a phenomenal relationship with my family -- they think she's amazing. She loves me deeply and wants to be a stay-at-home mom for our children. We have the same goal in raising a family. In many ways, I have an enviable marriage.
> 
> After she did all the crazy sh*t, she changed for the better and the past year has been good because of that. She stopped drinking. She cut out all her old party friends. She’s deleted all her social media accounts and reset with new ones. She’s given me the passwords to her phone and her social media. She’s often made me breakfast in bed. She’s made delicious dinners. She’s been highly respectful of me. She’s controlled her relationship with her dysfunctional family and they no longer negatively affect us. She doesn’t go to bars without me. She’s gone to therapy and is working on building healthier habits. Emotionally, she’s much better. Overall, she’s worked really hard to change.
> So here’s my question. She’s changed a lot and put effort into our relationship. However, I’ve lost tons of trust and respect for her, knowing what she’s done and the insane stress she caused me. Should I even consider staying? I go back and forth a lot. Some days, I want to get the hell out of this relationship because I don’t think I will ever be able to get over what she’s done. The idea of leaving sometimes makes me feel relieved and excited, even. I’m tempted to go live a single, fun, stress-free life for a few years where I can focus on finishing my Master’s degree in Computer Science and maybe even start a business. We are young and have no kids or shared assets, so the divorce would be simile and fast. I would have no issues dating again. I’m 6’4 with a well-built physique (I’ve been lifting for years), good charisma, and I’m heading into a good career. I also come from a great family and extended family. When I feel like this. the thought of staying makes me feel like a fool, and makes me feel like I am sacrificing some of my self-respect. Other days, I’m reminded of how much I love her and how much effort she’s put in, and I want to stay. On these days, the thought of leaving doesn’t make me excited — it just makes me feel terribly sad.
> 
> She’s currently being very sweet and loving to me, just like she’s been doing the past year. I know that leaving would destroy her. She’s pleading with me not to leave, saying me and my family are all she has. She is genuinely remorseful and is has become really down on herself. I saw some of her texts to her brother about the situation: she took full responsibility for everything and told him she feels like a failure. Either way, it’s hard to love her because I’m clogged up with so much distrust and a lack of respect. She also knows I’m on the fence about leaving and not knowing what I’ll do is causing her tons of anxiety, which I feel bad about. So I really need to make a decision soon and stick with it.
> 
> I recently told her I wanted us to separate for a month or two. She rejected this idea and told me she would rather just leave and we’d get a divorce. But I would love to go to sleep and wake up by myself for a few weeks while I consider things. After all, my future kids’ well-being rests on my decision, too. I want to be as thorough and clear-headed as I can about this situation.
> 
> So, what do you guys think I should do? What would you do if you were in my shoes? I need an outside perspective because I know people don’t always think clearly when they’re in a situation like mine. I’ve already posted my story in an other online forum, but I’m hungry for more advice as I am paralyzed with this decision.
> 
> Thank you.


If you reread what you posted here and come to any conclusion other than you need to run as fast as you can, then you really need some psychiatric help.


----------



## oldshirt

BigDaddyNY said:


> If you reread what you posted here and come to any conclusion other than you need to run as fast as you can, then you really need some psychiatric help.


Yeah, I’m not sure who’s crazier and more dysfunctional , these train wreck hos that can’t make it through the day without F’ing something up, or these desperate guys that wife them up and try to fix them?


----------



## LisaDiane

I just want to remind all the men here in their 50s with decades of relationship and life experience that this is a 23yr old boy who is just starting out in his first major relationship, with dreams of love and hope and happiness with the young woman that he fell in love with.

He's NOT dysfunctional or in need of psychiatric help...he's just young and cannot see the danger signs like you men can.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to remind all the men here in their 50s with decades of relationship and life experience that this is a 23yr old boy who is just starting out in his first major relationship, with dreams of love and hope and happiness with the young woman that he fell in love with.
> 
> He's NOT dysfunctional or in need of psychiatric help...he's just young and cannot see the danger signs like you men can.


You may be right, but I think it requires a vast wealth of life experience to know that everything he listed is bad.


----------



## LisaDiane

BigDaddyNY said:


> You may be right, but I think it requires a vast wealth of life experience to know that everything he listed is bad.


Well, this is why I'm happy he posted here, with you men to advise him!


----------



## LisaDiane

I am VERY sad to say this, but I don't believe you have any chance of a healthy relationship with a person like who she's shown herself to be. Any ONE of the things you've mentioned in your post would be considered absolute betrayals between two people, but she has violated SO many boundaries that healthy relationships have...and she doesn't even seem to hesitate when she does it. She is SORRY after the fact, that she has hurt you and made you angry and mistrust her, etc...but that doesn't stop her from making the choice to repeat the same terribly poor choices over and over again, whenever SHE wants to.

You say that you can understand some of her choices because you like the excitement of some chaos in your life too, but what you aren't realizing is that for you it's a controlled risk for excitement...but for HER, it's her way of living and making choices - without ever thinking of or caring about the consequences. The things you listed that she has done (and exposed YOU to!) are extremely destructive and damaging.

The other thing you might not understand because of your youth (and lack of relationship experience) is that PEOPLE RARELY CHANGE...especially not fundamentally, the way your wife would need to change to become a safe, unselfish, true partner for you. You aren't expecting her to change her choices...you are expecting her to become a different person. That almost never happens (and I've never seen it actually happen). Even if she WANTS to be a better partner to you, she simply does NOT have the ability to know how to do that because of her upbringing and her value system. What you want her to be, she is incapable of being.

I have to admit that I'm also concerned with how you don't seem to recognize how sociopathic and toxic she is with how she treats other people and herself. She engages in illegal and deceptive things seemingly with no conscience, and you find a way to shrug it off like she forgot an appointment...instead of acknowledging what is really happening - she is stealing from men, she is prostituting herself, she is dealing/transporting major drugs, she is contracting potentially serious STIs, she has NO problem lying to you over and over so she can get away with anything and everything...and that's just the tip of the iceberg, I'm sure.

And let's be very clear about this -- the only problem all of that was for her was that she might lose YOU over it...she wouldn't think twice about doing any of those things if she wasn't trying to keep you from leaving her.

She is not wife material...and absolutely NOT "mother" material...!!!!!

What you saw is WHO SHE IS inside...that is who she will always be.


----------



## oldshirt

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to remind all the men here in their 50s with decades of relationship and life experience that this is a 23yr old boy who is just starting out in his first major relationship, with dreams of love and hope and happiness with the young woman that he fell in love with.
> 
> He's NOT dysfunctional or in need of psychiatric help...he's just young and cannot see the danger signs like you men can.


I disagree that this is an issue of lack of life experience.

I grew up in the middle of farm country where the nearest set of stoplights was over 25 miles away and the cows, hogs, sheep and chickens far outnumbered people. Yet I never met a single desperately horny, naive, 16 year old farm boy that even considered marrying a drinking, drug dealing, prostituting, party girl, sugar baby. 

This isn’t lack of knowledge or lack of life experience. 

It is lack of self worth, self esteem and a high degree of magical thinking that makes him believe that picking up rotten, fallen fruit on the ground will somehow magically transform into a gourmet salad. 

It IS dysfunction and potential disorder on his part that makes him think she would be valid relationship material.


----------



## In Absentia

Good plot for a movie.


----------



## ConanHub

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Hello. My wife and I have been married for 1 year and together for 3. I’m 23; she’s 22. We’re both in college and have no children.
> 
> Here are some important facts.
> 
> My wife has C-PTSD due to a horrific, abusive childhood
> My wife is bisexual (we’ve had threesomes with other women, which is cool)
> I am okay with my wife having sex, alone, with other women as long as a) I know about it, b) She doesn’t give me STD’s and c) she doesn’t get physical, to any extent, with other women in front of other guys. I am not jealous of other women. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t consider it cheating. She almost never wants to do it, anyways.
> I’m considering divorce after recently discovering some crazy sh*t she did a year ago. It has taken me by surprise because things were good between us for the past year. It’s weird to discover new, potentially deal-breaking info that happened a while ago. I will list everything she did below. I’ll also list some things I already knew about her that are also suddenly making me question our marriage.
> 
> For some background, all the crazy sh*t happened during a time of intense stress for both of us. (Once again, this was a year ago). Her dysfunctional family caused some rough drama and put us in a difficult spot. I won’t go into the details. I became resentful toward my wife because of the tremendous stress her family caused us, even though it wasn’t my wife’s fault. I feel guilty for doing this. I should have been more optimistic, supportive, and loving toward my wife. Our relationship became very tumultuous. We argued constantly. It was also very difficult for my wife because the drama forced my wife to relive some trauma she experienced as a child. I just want to be fair and admit that I am to blame for much of my wife’s stress during this time. I didn’t handle things in the best way and wasn’t there for her like I could have been.
> 
> Here’s a list of events that I already knew happened, but now, upon reflecting on them, have made me question if I should stay with her:
> 
> She lead her friend’s sugar daddy on and manipulated him into giving money to my drug-addict mother-in-law. She says it was to help care for her half-sister, who is 2 years old. At least it was for a good cause, right? She allowed her friend's sugar daddy to take her and her friend out shopping and also visited his house several times (with her friend). She claims nothing happened except for giving him a kiss on the cheek one time. Wtf? I found messages from him where he appeared to be really angry. He called her manipulative and said he felt “taken advantage of.” The whole conversation (the part that hadn't been deleted) was too vague to reveal any specifics. Again, I told her we were getting a divorce but she apologized and convinced me to stay.
> She did the same thing when we started dating, but to a different dude. She moved up to my city to be closer to me and was paying $1000 a month for an apartment with no roommates. She did this just to be closer to me, which, on a more positive note, is one of the many things that shows her commitment to me. Her car broke down and she needed to get to work. She opted to lead on this rich dude so he’d let her borrow his Mercedes to get to work. She used it for like 6 months. According to her, their pseudo-relationship did not get physical. She said they never even saw each other. It was all over text. She had already told me about how she got the car. It bothered me a lot but I was ultimately okay with it. If some rich dude wanted to simp for her and lend her one of his cars, so be it. However she didn’t tell me she was consistently texting him. I later discovered their texts and it was more intimate than what I was comfortable with. Nothing sexual, just them talking about how they wish they could see each other more, etc. I almost broke up with her that night.
> She helped her brother sell cocaine behind my back and even stored it in our SHARED CAR on a few occasions. This put me at a tremendous legal risk and, by itself, would be justification to end the relationship. She insisted that she never used it. I recently discovered that was a lie. Again, I said we were splitting up. She convinced me to stay.
> This one is less about what she’s done and more about the risks involved with staying with her. Her mom is a meth-addict and conceived a child with her new drug-addict boyfriend. That child is now two. She will very likely lose custody of her child in the future. CPS has been called several times already. My wife wants to adopt her if (when?) that happens. I, on the other hand, do not want to adopt her and become further entangled with her dysfunctional family. However, I see myself adopting her anyways out of a sense of duty. No other friends and family would take the poor kid. This is something I would have to think about if I were to stay in this marriage.
> She can be emotionally volatile. I have a wealth of examples in my head, but one that comes to mind is the time she, in the middle of the night, sprinted out of the house barefooted saying that she wanted to kill herself, which prompted me to chase after her and calm her down. I'm sure the neighbors heard all the crazy yelling. After some therapy and self-reflection, she’s gotten better.
> When she has a C-PTSD "trigger," she dissociates and becomes a different person: cold, unpredictable, and with no regard for herself. While she's "triggered," she says despicable things to me and swears at me a lot.
> For the most part, I do not like her social circle. She admits that, because of her past, she is more drawn to damaged people. Her girl friends are, although fun, usually hyper-promiscuous party girls, many of whom cheat on their husbands/boyfriends. Her guy friends range from like-able misfits to straight-up sleazy people. I'm not trying to sound like a prude; I, too, like to party and add a dose of chaos into my life on occasion.
> She has always had issues with self-care, lying depressed in a dark room for days at a time, hardly eating or sleeping. (She has an eating disorder).
> While stressed, sad, or anxious, she has impulsively involved herself in dangerous situations. One time, while chilling out at a bar, some guy asked her, "How much for a night?" After repeatedly telling him she wasn't interested, and after he continued to ask and increase the amount, she eventually got angry; she accepted his $500 invitation, met up with him at nearby hotel, only to then take the money and run away. Kind of a funny story, but also very risky. At a party, she started a fight with a guy because she saw him hit his girlfriend and he ended up giving my wife a concussion (noble, but reckless). The police came and my wife was charged with something — I forget what.
> Here are things I just found out, that have triggered me to write this post and to seriously consider divorce:
> 
> I found old snapchat conversations (from the rough patch time period) of her flirting with several other guys. I asked her during our rough patch if he was doing this. She lied. There was no sexting but the flirting was overtly sexual. She said things like, “Thinking of you,” “I want you inside me.” She said she did it for attention and was too stressed, depressed, and anxious to think twice about the bad decisions she was making.
> This is the big one. Before I describe what happened, re-read the key points I made at the top of my post about my arrangement with my wife and other women. So, here it is. I found out that one night at a bar (she was often at a bar during this time) she met a pimp who she flirted with, and who offered her a job with two other women at a nearby hotel. My wife agreed, and went to the hotel and had _unprotected_ sex with two women for pay. So, she prostituted herself out. She described all of this to me. She said she asked him if he had any female clients because she knew I wouldn’t be okay with men. Well, I wouldn’t have been okay with her selling herself under any circumstances, but at least she didn’t cheat on me with another man. That’s the only thing that could make this somewhat okay.
> She flirted with the pimp over snapchat a month after all of that^ happened. It appeared that she was trying to make plans to meet up with him as he was passing through the city but they fell through. She claims she was looking to prostitute herself out again. I just have to trust that was her plan, because it sounded like she was trying to meet up with him. As bad as both of these possibilities are, she knows I would rather it be the former. Just a few week ago, when I found all of this out, I saw that the pimp had reached back out to her. She said something friendly, similar to, “Oh hey! Sorry, I deleted my old Snapchat and have been on my new one, so I haven’t seen any messages from my old account.” In my mind, this is bad. If she was truly done with that whole thing, she wouldn’t have responded at all and instead immediately blocked him. She swears she had no intention of doing anything. She was just platonically responding to him. Yes, but why?... What do you guys think about this?
> She gave me Chlamydia and Gonorrhea from the night at the hotel and lied about how I got it. She performed some mental gymnastics and said something about how we must've gotten them from a past threesome and how are original treatments didn't work and yada yada yada. She went to the urgent care with me and continued to lie through her teeth about all of it. I was an idiot and believed her.
> One of her sl*tty friends (who is now an enemy of my wife for some petty reason) messaged me saying that, when they were friends, she would frequently cheat on me. I don't trust this girl or my wife at this point so I don't know what to make of this.
> On several occasions, she made out with other girls in front of other guys at a bar. This violated my boundaries with other women as described above.
> She lied about why her car needed repairs one day. She told me she got into an accident, but she recently revealed that she actually drove home drunk and hit a pole.
> When I found this out, I told her we were getting a divorce. She became suicidal. She emphasized that she wasn't trying to manipulate me into staying; rather, she was just being honest about how she didn't think she would survive our divorce. She said she had nothing else, and that my family and I are all she has. This freaked me out. I soothed her and made some empty promises about how we might be able to work things out. A few days later, I tried to divorce her again, and the same thing happened. She cried and begged and pleaded. Then she became suicidal again. I "took her back".
> 
> It's now been a few weeks. We're in a weird limbo. I'm going to school full time so I can't even afford to spend a lot of time addressing this. And, weirdly enough, I'm still hesitant to get a divorce. She apologized for everything and said she was ashamed and disappointed in herself. She apologized for putting me in a situation where I felt like she might kill herself. She said that if I wanted a divorce, she would make it as easy as possible for me, buying me breakfast and paying for gas on the way to the divorce lawyer. She also swore that regardless of whether I stayed or left, she would work on herself and not harm herself. Now, I’m uncertain what to do.
> 
> So, why am I struggling to leave her? Well, because despite everything, she’s been a great partner in many ways. Whereas most people in relationships have a small amount of bad that is outweighed by a larger amount of good, my wife has a lot of bad that is outweighed by an even larger amount of good. When I asked her to marry me, that was my thought process, anyways. I certainly noticed the red flags when we got together, but to me, she was worth it. She's a stellar person and a very committed wife. As a former Nursing assistant, she told my parents they could live in our basement, rather than a retirement home, when they grew old, and she would gladly wipe their butts, lol. This is typical of her. She’s self-less in this way and has proved it to me — a very empathetic and loving person. She cooks for me a lot. We have basically unlimited sex. She's smart and gorgeous. She very much values my time and attention. She is the opposite of the cold, bored, dissatisfied wife. She doesn't care if we're going to a 5-star steakhouse on a Friday night or Taco Bell in our pajamas at 1:00am -- she's just giddy to spend time with me. She usually insists on paying for dates. She's down-to-earth and low-maintenance. She's pleasant to be around and easy-going. She's got a phenomenal relationship with my family -- they think she's amazing. She loves me deeply and wants to be a stay-at-home mom for our children. We have the same goal in raising a family. In many ways, I have an enviable marriage.
> 
> After she did all the crazy sh*t, she changed for the better and the past year has been good because of that. She stopped drinking. She cut out all her old party friends. She’s deleted all her social media accounts and reset with new ones. She’s given me the passwords to her phone and her social media. She’s often made me breakfast in bed. She’s made delicious dinners. She’s been highly respectful of me. She’s controlled her relationship with her dysfunctional family and they no longer negatively affect us. She doesn’t go to bars without me. She’s gone to therapy and is working on building healthier habits. Emotionally, she’s much better. Overall, she’s worked really hard to change.
> So here’s my question. She’s changed a lot and put effort into our relationship. However, I’ve lost tons of trust and respect for her, knowing what she’s done and the insane stress she caused me. Should I even consider staying? I go back and forth a lot. Some days, I want to get the hell out of this relationship because I don’t think I will ever be able to get over what she’s done. The idea of leaving sometimes makes me feel relieved and excited, even. I’m tempted to go live a single, fun, stress-free life for a few years where I can focus on finishing my Master’s degree in Computer Science and maybe even start a business. We are young and have no kids or shared assets, so the divorce would be simile and fast. I would have no issues dating again. I’m 6’4 with a well-built physique (I’ve been lifting for years), good charisma, and I’m heading into a good career. I also come from a great family and extended family. When I feel like this. the thought of staying makes me feel like a fool, and makes me feel like I am sacrificing some of my self-respect. Other days, I’m reminded of how much I love her and how much effort she’s put in, and I want to stay. On these days, the thought of leaving doesn’t make me excited — it just makes me feel terribly sad.
> 
> She’s currently being very sweet and loving to me, just like she’s been doing the past year. I know that leaving would destroy her. She’s pleading with me not to leave, saying me and my family are all she has. She is genuinely remorseful and is has become really down on herself. I saw some of her texts to her brother about the situation: she took full responsibility for everything and told him she feels like a failure. Either way, it’s hard to love her because I’m clogged up with so much distrust and a lack of respect. She also knows I’m on the fence about leaving and not knowing what I’ll do is causing her tons of anxiety, which I feel bad about. So I really need to make a decision soon and stick with it.
> 
> I recently told her I wanted us to separate for a month or two. She rejected this idea and told me she would rather just leave and we’d get a divorce. But I would love to go to sleep and wake up by myself for a few weeks while I consider things. After all, my future kids’ well-being rests on my decision, too. I want to be as thorough and clear-headed as I can about this situation.
> 
> So, what do you guys think I should do? What would you do if you were in my shoes? I need an outside perspective because I know people don’t always think clearly when they’re in a situation like mine. I’ve already posted my story in an other online forum, but I’m hungry for more advice as I am paralyzed with this decision.
> 
> Thank you.


Dude. If you don't know, asking us isn't going to help.

Your girl is a street walking alley cat that's apparently found an all day sucker in you.

I don't have words.

Enjoy.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I read the first section and was shaking my head, a couple of those are no way.

I get to the new revelations section and audibly PFFT’d. Couldn’t even finish the rest of the post.

Someone who writes as well as you is educated and you can make a decent living, why waste your life with this person? You’re still young and you’ll bounce right back.


----------



## Evinrude58

Bat pop crazy, lying, cheating wife that with batpoocrazy parents......
Sounds like a keeper to me......
damn dude.


----------



## Beach123

Yes, divorce her. She is consistent with a harmful pattern that you can’t break for her.

To much harm and too risky to stay.

IF she wants to adopt the two year olds she can do that on her own - by earning her own money and supporting a child. 

What made you think she would be a good life partner? She’s a disaster. 

Just divorce her.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to remind all the men here in their 50s with decades of relationship and life experience that this is a 23yr old boy who is just starting out in his first major relationship, with dreams of love and hope and happiness with the young woman that he fell in love with.
> 
> He's NOT dysfunctional or in need of psychiatric help...he's just young and cannot see the danger signs like you men can.


Thank you! You’re right we are pretty wise and overall I mean would it be a stretch to say terrific? I don’t think so.

With that said, someone who can write like the OP can chalk this up to a college mistake and frivolity. I certainly made those but mine were more like getting arrested for stupid pranks rather than marrying a lying prostitute with mental issues and drug abuse that comes from a family of drug abusers.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked the girl who lived next door to me who did coke and was in therapy and given the chance I certainly would have hit it but she wasn’t marriage material and even as a (mostly) innocent young man I knew that. She was fun to hang out with and smoke cigarettes and drink beer and such.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Rob_1 said:


> You know..it saddens me to see today's young men lack of character and self respect in today's pervasive society. These men are from birth not taught how to respond and to interact with women in general. The feminist agendas introduced early in schools are teaching these young men to be just a provider nothing else while everything is outright geared toward the females getting everything legally and in every facet of society.
> 
> Your naivete in your outlook toward a relationship shows how screw out the system has made today's males. FYI. it is not only pathetic, but a lack of self respect and a complete ignorance of what a relationship with a bi-sexual woman that has mental problems will mean to you as time goes by. You should know that people with mental illness as they age in average they do not get better, they get worse; moreover if you were to have the experience that years of life teach you, you would understand that marriage with a bi-sexual woman also mean that in the end a lot of these women und up leaving their husband/partner for a woman.
> 
> You need to go back and study biology and the genetic imprints that are determinant in males and females, so that you learn what as a male you should strive to in this world. Your permissiveness of her being able to have relationships with women is an indication of your lack of self as a man and as an individual. you're lacking the knowledge, experience, and intuition that should warn you that what you have been doing with her is so detrimental to your own well being and interest in the long run. You have set up yourself for failure from the get go.
> 
> You need to leave this relationship. Please, do not second guess yourself. Do it. Do not let her blackmail you with threats of suicide, because if she were to follow through with a threat like that, you would need to understand that is not your fault in any shape or form. It would be all on her. Please, UNDERSTAND this.
> 
> Also, you should start learning that in a relationship when it comes to infidelity it shouldn't matter the who, why, when, how, just that infidelity was committed and that you need to get out of infidelity and of the relationship as your best bet going forward.
> 
> LEAVE HER. PERIOD.


I agree with everything you’ve said. When we first got together, I was 20 and more naive than I am now; I was in a partying phase where I was not thinking long-term and was too dismissive of red flags. In addition to her fun personality and wit, her sex was amazing and it ensnared me. As for the bisexuality, yes, even if it usually leads to threesomes for me, I’m aware it is inherently risky for a relationship; also, as inflammatory as it may sound, I think bisexuality in women is often a bi-product of crazy. That’s been my experience anyway. I agree that I’ve taken a risk there.

If I had known what I know now, I probably would’ve broken up with her while we were dating. It was only after we got married that I began to question my decisions more intently. You seem to have a “red-pill” background. After I got married, I read “The Rational Male” and Rich Cooper’s “Unplugged Alpha.” I get where you’re coming from. Both authors would undoubtedly scold me for staying with her.

However, ironically enough, the more I read from those books, the more I admired my wife, despite her having more red flags than a Chinese parade. Besides her mental instability, she has many core characteristics that make her very desirable to a high-achieving man. She’s not a feminist (she often wears a “Meninist” shirt around the house, lol). Though she made a mockery of my boundaries and disrespected me on many occasions during that two month time period, she is now extremely respectful, submissive, and supportive. She has genuine desire for me and for the marriage to work. This may be because I’ve held my frame better than I used to. She doesn’t have a princess mentality: she’s been working since she was 14 and never asks me for anything. She is always asking me if I need help and is very supportive of my goals. She orients her day around trying to see me (I’m very busy). She has a good relationship with her father and respects him a lot. It is her mother that was abusive and ruined her childhood. This is not to say that having mommy-issues is a good thing, but I would certainly take that over daddy-issues as the man in this relationship. Lastly, the past year has been squeaky clean. Our relationship has been damn good. She’s worked _hard_ and consistently to change, and it’s the consistency she’s shown the past year that has given me pause when I consider divorce. I’m talking massages and dinners every other night. She hasn’t gotten drunk or gone out a single night without me. She hasn’t hung out with a single party friend since then. She’s paid for many dates.

After having such a heavenly year, finding all this out has been a serious mind-f*ck. She’s essentially chalking up that period of bad decisions to a C-PTSD-fueled mental breakdown and she’s adamant that it wouldn’t happen again. I would usually be skeptical, but given her consistency and the actual action she has shown this past year, I’m more inclined to believe her. She seems SO remorseful and hellbent on changing. I can’t yet summon the strength to tell her to leave. I am still very emotionally attached to her.

I don’t want to compromise my life’s potential, put my future family at risk, or subvert my own values for a mentally unstable woman during my foundational years as a man. Perhaps I am sacrificing my self-respect by considering to stay. I do not at all take that personally — in fact, it’s refreshing to hear. It’s reassuring to know that I would be making the right decision to leave. I came here in search of a reality check and that what I’m getting. I’m not butt-hurt over any of the responses I’ve gotten. They will make me feel more confident with my decision if I decided to separate from her. That’s what I’m leaning towards right now. I just can’t get myself to pull the trigger quite yet.


----------



## bobert

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> She’s worked _hard_ and consistently to change, and it’s the consistency she’s shown the past year that has given me pause when I consider divorce. I’m talking massages and dinners every other night. She hasn’t gotten drunk or gone out a single night without me. She hasn’t hung out with a single party friend since then. She’s paid for many dates.


That's surface level, easy stuff. Has she done any of the hard work on herself, to resolve the childhood issues? She says she will "never do it again" but it's not as simple as just deciding not to do it. Those things you listed won't fix what is broken inside her.


----------



## LisaDiane

ccpowerslave said:


> Thank you! You’re right we are pretty wise and overall I mean would it be a stretch to say terrific? I don’t think so.
> 
> With that said, someone who can write like the OP can chalk this up to a college mistake and frivolity. I certainly made those but mine were more like getting arrested for stupid pranks rather than marrying a lying prostitute with mental issues and drug abuse that comes from a family of drug abusers.
> 
> Don’t get me wrong, I liked the girl who lived next door to me who did coke and was in therapy and given the chance I certainly would have hit it but she wasn’t marriage material and even as a (mostly) innocent young man I knew that. She was fun to hang out with and smoke cigarettes and drink beer and such.


Umm...I don't think you are in your 50s...are you?? "Terrific" is definitely a stretch for boys in their 40s...


----------



## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> Umm...I don't think you are in your 50s...are you?? "Terrific" is definitely a stretch for boys in their 40s...


Nearly there.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

bobert said:


> That's surface level, easy stuff. Has she done any of the hard work on herself, to resolve the childhood issues? She says she will "never do it again" but it's not as simple as just deciding not to do it. Those things you listed won't fix what is broken inside her.


After all the craziness happened, she went to therapy for a few months. Then, after we got busier and money got tighter, she stopped going. She wants to do EDMR therapy but is waiting until a less stressful time. EDMR therapy is supposedly difficult as it can bring up a lot of past trauma, so she's waiting until we have fully reconciled or fully separated to embark on that.

I'm really, really torn with this decision. I've never been so indecisive about something for so long. I'm actually embarrassed by how back-and-forth I've been about this. I'm thinking about it every day and I'm tired of having my life up in the air -- she is too. Some days the thought of leaving makes me excited, like there's this wide-open future for me full of adventure and potential. Honestly, the idea of getting a new apartment for myself and focusing on me, my friends, and my hobbies -- free of the responsibilities of a relationship -- sounds thrilling, if I am not romanticizing it too much. Other days I feel as though I'm giving up on someone I love, who is, despite putting me through a hurricane of bullsh*t, dedicated to making things work. Her mistakes seem to come from a genuine inability to regulate her emotions and deal with her trauma; they do not seem to come from malevolence or some kind of narcissism. This makes things more nuanced and complicated in my mind.

If I was giving advice to someone who was in my position, I would probably tell them to leave. Logically, knowing what she's capable of and how unstable she's been, and knowing that I don't want to be responsible for adopting her sister in the future, it just doesn't seem worth it to stake my future on the relationship. The juice just doesn't seem worth the squeeze. We don't even have a house or kids together. It'd be so fast and easy. And half the time, I don't even feel like I want to put in any effort to fix things, given how little trust and respect I have in her now. But then I come home and I'm reminded why I love her. I just love hanging out with her. She gets so excited to see me when I come home and hands me a big warm dinner with a smile on her face. We have a billion inside jokes and get along so well. It's so hard to get myself to leave. Every time I see her I just want to hug her and joke with her. I'm so conflicted about this. The cognitive dissonance is unbearable! I've _never_ taken so long to make a big decision like this. Usually I am fast to make decisions.


----------



## Evinrude58

How about staying with her and enjoying her company for what it is, until she inevitably reverts back to who she is and you don’t feel so badly about leaving her. Don’t fret about it, she will go back to the well soon. People don’t change as much as you describe without a hugely traumatic experience.


----------



## LisaDiane

ccpowerslave said:


> Nearly there.


So close...but yet...so SO FAR...


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Evinrude58 said:


> How about staying with her and enjoying her company for what it is, until she inevitably reverts back to who she is and you don’t feel so badly about leaving her. Don’t fret about it, she will go back to the well soon. People don’t change as much as you describe without a hugely traumatic experience.


Maybe I'm being too optimistic...


----------



## Rob_1

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> *You seem to have a “red-pill” background.*


No. nor I have ever read anything on that movement/philosophy, other than what people say in these forums. My core background as a man is my natural inclination molded by culture and life experiences (I'm in my sixties). But i was taught since childhood that a man needs to have self respect, dignity, self worth, and to lead rather than to follow. That plus I started very early in childhood having girlfriends (if we could call it that when you're 8-9). I went through the learning experiences with females when they start to be 12-13 and they looking out for boys 15 and up while you were in average considered a boy by them. This taught me to learn when a girl was really into you or if they were playing with you while they were looking up to older boys. I learned not to tolerate any ******** from girls/women. Normally the moment that I realize that a girl/woman was just with me because, she like me but she was looking around i would immediately end the so called relationship. When I became an adult i was already formed mentally as to what to tolerate or not.




Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> *After having such a heavenly year*


As I previously said to you: "You should know that people with mental illness as they age in average they do not get better, they get worse" This still applies. It doesn't really matter that she might have a few good years, but eventually those mental problems come back. Don't take this as a blanket statement, because there a some people that get better, but on average the cards are stacked against you if you stay. You just wait all this craziness happening to you with a mortgage and a couple of kids to take care of. It will be the pits, you'll see.

All I can tell you is to proceed with an open mind and a good share of knowledge. You need to truly understand if her behavior is actually mental disorders or due to psychological traumas, both are difficult to overcome, but a psychological trauma with good professional care can be overcome, while a person with mental illness, depending on what it is and to what degree will be worse in average. Now the question for you is: Do you want to take the chance to procreate and have children with a person that have mental illness knowing that her mental illness can be pass on to any or all of the children you might have with her?


----------



## Evinrude58

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Maybe I'm being too optimistic...


Well, if you are enjoying the heck out of her being your wife, I wouldn’t f it up until I had to. But honestly, after the next incident, you should be able to grasp that you’re not going to be able to paint the tiger and hope the stripes never bleed through.
A tiger she is, and bite you she will. Almost guaranteed.

agreed with above, avoid having children with her at all costs. That would be beyond stupid. Ever.


----------



## LisaDiane

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Maybe I'm being too optimistic...


You absolutely are. And this is where your age and lack of relationship experience is clouding the truth about how people REALLY behave.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Rob_1 said:


> No. nor I have ever read anything on that movement/philosophy, other than what people say in these forums. My core background as a man is my natural inclination molded by culture and life experiences (I'm in my sixties). But i was taught since childhood that a man needs to have self respect, dignity, self worth, and to lead rather than to follow. That plus I started very early in childhood having girlfriends (if we could call it that when you're I re8-9). I went through the learning experiences with females when they start to be 12-13 and they looking out for boys 15 and up while you were in average considered a boy by them. This taught me to learn when a girl was really into you or if they were playing with you while they were looking up to older boys. I learned not to tolerate any ****** from girls/women. Normally the moment that I realize that a girl/woman was just with me because, she like me but she was looking around i would immediately end the so called relationship. When I became an adult i was already formed mentally as to what to tolerate or not.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> As I previously said to you: "You should know that people with mental illness as they age in average they do not get better, they get worse" This still applies. It doesn't really matter that she might have a few good years, but eventually those mental problems come back. Don't take this as a blanket statement, because there a some people that get better, but on average the cards are stacked against you if you stay. You just wait all this craziness happening to you with a mortgage and a couple of kids to take care of. It will be the pits, you'll see.
> 
> All I can tell you is to proceed with an open mind and a good share of knowledge. You need to truly understand if her behavior is actually mental disorders or due to psychological traumas, both are difficult to overcome, but a psychological trauma with good professional care can be overcome, while a person with mental illness, depending on what it is and to what degree will be worse in average. Now the question for you is: Do you want to take the chance to procreate and have children with a person that have mental illness knowing that her mental illness can be pass on to any or all of the children you might have with her?


I don't think she has a mental illness -- although she may. Her mom is bi-polar. It seems as though my wife just has really bad trauma. How am I able to know the difference? I don't know for sure. that's just my guess.

You're right. Staying with her is necessarily a risky decision. I think about having kids with her and my first reaction is fear. Right now, I do not trust her or feel comfortable enough with her to have kids with her.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Right now, I do not trust her or feel comfortable enough with her to have kids with her.


If you stay with her long enough you’ll inherit one from the sounds of it even if you’re dropping your condoms in a bucket of bleach. If you’re counting on her for it (no condoms) and she’s already eyeing the 2 year old, watch out!

Once I stopped using condoms with my girlfriend (now wife) I was like hmm I can have kids at any time now. She was on the pill but I didn’t watch her take it every day you know what I’m saying? Someone erratic maybe they forget, or maybe they go on a coke binge and forget, who knows. Then next thing you’re on the Maury episode with your wife and your wife’s pimp getting the paternity results and the pimp is making it rain when it turns out he is NOT the father.


----------



## Openminded

Yes.

Move on.


----------



## Rob_1

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> How am I able to know the difference? I don't know for sure. that's just my guess.


One way to do it for her to be evaluated from a psychiatrist if she's willing to undergo the assessment. You could make it as a condition in order to continue the relationship. 
Listen, I can put myself in your situation at your age, and feel the struggle in my heart as to making the decision of leaving her, and not to tell myself: how can I do this to her, how can I leave her knowing that deep down she loves me and I love her. What would it becomes of her life if I leave. It's hard, I know. 

Since you're still very young and can afford some time, you could give her some time to see if she'll fall again, or if you start having your guts telling you that something is wrong again (always trust your guts). But she must be under professional care. 
I don't think that it's on your best interest to do it (remember she's a bisexual woman that will eventually want to be with another woman), but if right now you don't have the heart to dump, her, stay a little longer, and soon enough you will find yourself in front of another cheating situation from her, or some other crazy stuff. It's not if but when it will happens, guaranteed. 

Proceed with caution at your own perils.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Rob_1 said:


> One way to do it for her to be evaluated from a psychiatrist if she's willing to undergo the assessment. You could make it as a condition in order to continue the relationship.
> Listen, I can put myself in your situation at your age, and feel the struggle in my heart as to making the decision of leaving her, and not to tell myself: how can I do this to her, how can I leave her knowing that deep down she loves me and I love her. What would it becomes of her life if I leave. It's hard, I know.
> 
> Since you're still very young and can afford some time, you could give her some time to see if she'll fall again, or if you start having your guts telling you that something is wrong again (always trust your guts). But she must be under professional care.
> I don't think that it's on your best interest to do it (remember she's a bisexual woman that will eventually want to be with another woman), but if right now you don't have the heart to dump, her, stay a little longer, and soon enough you will find yourself in front of another cheating situation from her, or some other crazy stuff. It's not if but when it will happens, guaranteed.
> 
> Proceed with caution at your own perils.


Interesting take on things... If she is going to fall again, it will take much longer, perhaps years. Knowing I’ve been this close to leaving has been a wake up call for her, so if I was to stay just to “feel things out,” it certainly would be a big time investment. 
As for getting a psychiatrist, I should say that she has officially been diagnosed with C-PTSD by a psychologist.


----------



## Rob_1

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Interesting take on things... If she is going to fall again, it will take much longer, perhaps years. Knowing I’ve been this close to leaving has been a wake up call for her, so if I was to stay just to “feel things out,” it certainly would be a big time investment.
> As for getting a psychiatrist, I should say that she has officially been diagnosed with C-PTSD by a psychologist.


You are correct in your assessment of things for you. My point was due to feeling your indecision about ending things with her for good, just in case you wanted to stay longer with her. Also a Psychologist is not a Psychiatrist. A Psychiatrist cand do chemical levels, and brain scans tthat can determine it there is a chemical imbalances or brain abnormalities. 🧠 just a suggestion, but if you're really set to end it with her don't bother, just be done. I would had been done the moment that I found out about all the **** with her being a lesbian prostitute, and all that ****. Good luck.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Hey everyone. My wife just sent me a letter (over email) explaining herself and asking for forgiveness. She really goes in depth about her side of the story. It provides a lot of insight into her state of mind. If you care to read it and want to see the second perspective on all of this, message me, and I'll give you a version without our identifying information in it. She doesn't go into the personal details about her trauma, and doesn't mention anything I haven't already mentioned; so, I'm comfortable sharing it. Honestly, in my mind, the letter scored her a few points. I'm still struggling to pull the trigger on divorce.


----------



## SunCMars

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Hey everyone. My wife just sent me a letter (over email) explaining herself and asking for forgiveness. She really goes in depth about her side of the story. It provides a lot of insight into her state of mind. If you care to read it and want to see the second perspective on all of this, message me, and I'll give you a version without our identifying information in it. She doesn't go into the personal details about her trauma, and doesn't mention anything I haven't already mentioned; so, I'm comfortable sharing it. Honestly, in my mind, the letter scored her a few points. I'm still struggling to pull the trigger on divorce.


Sure, let us read it..


----------



## Rob_1

OK. Go ahead.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Is she willing to take a polygraph?


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Hey guys, I'm back. School got super busy. I'll send an anonymous version of the letter to those who asked for it. Just check your inbox.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Rob_1 said:


> OK. Go ahead.


I'm not going to post it here. You would have to be able to receive private messages.


----------



## Rob_1

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> I'm not going to post it here. You would have to be able to receive private messages.


I think that all registered members can receive private messages, but I could be wrong.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Rob_1 said:


> I think that all registered members can receive private messages, but I could be wrong.


For some reason, I'm not given an option to message your account. Check your settings.


----------



## Rob_1

Anyways, letter or no letter explaining herself shouldn't be a consideration to you because it shouldn't matter at all.


----------



## SunCMars

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Hey everyone. My wife just sent me a letter (over email) explaining herself and asking for forgiveness. She really goes in depth about her side of the story. It provides a lot of insight into her state of mind. If you care to read it and want to see the second perspective on all of this, message me, and I'll give you a version without our identifying information in it. She doesn't go into the personal details about her trauma, and doesn't mention anything I haven't already mentioned; so, I'm comfortable sharing it. Honestly, in my mind, the letter scored her a few points. I'm still struggling to pull the trigger on divorce.


I read the letter, the young women is brilliant.
I do not say that lightly.

I am curious though...

So much energy went into that letter, and so much emotion.
And a God Awful amount of tap dancing.

Was she on any stimulants when she wrote it?

If so, that would explain the rapid words and explanations.

If not, she is indeed quick witted and very smart.

If you were my son I would strongly ask you to leave her.
She is such a messed up person.

If you are willing to take another chance on her, I would set a minimum time limit on her maintaining that good behavior.

Give her 5 years.
-------or--------
Give her one day past the day you lose love for her, and feel only pity.
-------or--------
Give her the door if she falls from grace, yet again.

Why?

You are yet young. Age 23, is it?
You are yet kind.
You have time.

She needs someone to keep her straight. 
If that is a possibility.



_Are Dee-_


----------



## Rob_1

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> For some reason, I'm not given an option to message your account. Check your settings.


I try checking my settings but I can't figure out if I do have something turn off that blocks private messages. Probably someone could direct me as to how .


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

SunCMars said:


> I read the letter, the young women is brilliant.
> I do not say that lightly.
> 
> I am curious though...
> 
> So much energy went into that letter, and so much emotion.
> And a God Awful amount of tap dancing.
> 
> Was she on any stimulants when she wrote it?
> 
> If so, that would explain the rapid words and explanations.
> 
> If not, she is indeed quick witted and very smart.
> 
> If you were my son I would strongly ask you to leave her.
> She is such a messed up person.
> 
> If you are willing to take another chance on her, I would set a minimum time limit on her maintaining that good behavior.
> 
> Give her 5 years.
> -------or--------
> Give her one day past the day you lose love for her, and feel only pity.
> -------or--------
> Give her the door if she falls from grace, yet again.
> 
> Why?
> 
> You are yet young. Age 23, is it?
> You are yet kind.
> You have time.
> 
> She needs someone to keep her straight.
> If that is a possibility.
> 
> 
> 
> _Are Dee-_


Thanks, Yoda. Yes, though traumatized and emotionally volatile, she's sharp and wise beyond her years. No, she wasn't on simulants. If the writing seems a bit manic, it's because she was emotionally charged while she wrote it (for that reason, I don't think punctuation was her top priority, either). Overall, I think the letter represents my wife well.


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Rob_1 said:


> I try checking my settings but I can't figure out if I do have something turn off that blocks private messages. Probably someone could direct me as to how .


Account Settings --> Privacy?


----------



## Homer Simpson 354402

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Thanks, Yoda. Yes, though traumatized and emotionally volatile, she's _very_ sharp and wise beyond her years. No, she wasn't on simulants. If the writing seems a bit manic, it's because she was emotionally charged while she wrote it (for that reason, I don't think punctuation was her top priority, either). Overall, I think the letter represents my wife very well.





SunCMars said:


> I read the letter, the young women is brilliant.
> I do not say that lightly.
> 
> I am curious though...
> 
> So much energy went into that letter, and so much emotion.
> And a God Awful amount of tap dancing.
> 
> Was she on any stimulants when she wrote it?
> 
> If so, that would explain the rapid words and explanations.
> 
> If not, she is indeed quick witted and very smart.
> 
> If you were my son I would strongly ask you to leave her.
> She is such a messed up person.
> 
> If you are willing to take another chance on her, I would set a minimum time limit on her maintaining that good behavior.
> 
> Give her 5 years.
> -------or--------
> Give her one day past the day you lose love for her, and feel only pity.
> -------or--------
> Give her the door if she falls from grace, yet again.
> 
> Why?
> 
> You are yet young. Age 23, is it?
> You are yet kind.
> You have time.
> 
> She needs someone to keep her straight.
> If that is a possibility.
> 
> 
> 
> _Are Dee-_


And thank you for taking the time to read the letter and responding. I appreciate it.


----------



## Rob_1

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> Account Settings --> Privacy?


I just did a couple of changes there. probably that's it.


----------



## chazmataz33

I've read the letter.Its obvious she has alot of insight.Have you made any decision? After reading the letter I get the feeling she's trying to convince you that this will never happen again and I don't feel she's capable of making that happen.There's just too many way ifs.I've lurked here for many years and one of the things that bothers me about this site is the many people who TELL people what they should do! I feel we should give people ideas or choices and not pressure them into taking our advice like its some sort of contest.If I was in your position I know what I'd do.I guess you have to decide if you're willing to take a chance on her.I guess all of us try to do that ,just try to make the best educated decision we can and hope to he?? it turns out for the best. Good Luck!


----------



## Rob_1

Jesus Homer. I just read a well composed, well articulated, step by step to a conclusion litany of mea culpa apologia. Those were no mistakes. A mistake is turning left instead of right. Those were conscious decisions to do what she fell like doing. Nonetheless, like I previously advised you, do yourself a favor and get out of this relationship. She's a train wreak. She's into women (you need to understand the implication of this for you in the long run) and her mental instabilities and sexual orientation will eventually someday lead to her seeking the comfort and emotional needs that another woman might give her when things get tough. If you continue with her you will be setting yourself for eventual failure, that's a given, not a contemplation. But is up to you. she could perfectly be good for a period of time, but unfortunately, the most likely scenario is that she would slide down the rabbit hole again, and again. 

I understand the tearing of the heart when trying to end it with someone. It's difficult because we're not a block of ice, but, you should always go by your survival instincts and follow the biological imperative: ME FIRST.


----------



## SunCMars

_Desperation can lead a wayward lady to honesty.
Honesty being her last tactic before falling into that truth erasing abyss.

The abyss often takes all with it, the truth, the lies and the unknown facts.
This wayward gal hath done it all, none awaits happening._


----------



## lifeistooshort

oldshirt said:


> If you have ever seen the Hot/Crazy Matrix video, then you should know this chick is a stripper trying to save up money to go to hairdresser school and her name is Tiffany.


According to the hot/crazy matrix redheads are also bat **** crazy, but being a redhead I dispute this 😁

I agree with you in this case.


----------



## oldshirt

lifeistooshort said:


> According to the hot/crazy matrix redheads are also bat **** crazy, but being a redhead I dispute this 😁
> 
> I agree with you in this case.


Shall we place bets on whether she is a red headed stripper or dyed blond with neon purple streaks?


----------



## lifeistooshort

oldshirt said:


> Shall be place bets on whether she is a red headed stripper or dyed blond with neon purple streaks?


I'd bet she's not a redheaded runner....I have it on good authority that while we're a little wild we're not crazy.

To answer your question....I'll go with dyed blond.


----------



## oldshirt

Public Service Announcement for the day: Mentally healthy, stable, faithful, squared away women that are relationship material can be good in bed too. 

Many will even do threesomes if approached about it properly. 

You simply don’t need this.


----------



## GusPolinski

Kinda late to the game on this one but HOLY **** get out of this train wreck of a marriage now.


----------



## Burner4n

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to remind all the men here in their 50s with decades of relationship and life experience that this is a 23yr old boy who is just starting out in his first major relationship, with dreams of love and hope and happiness with the young woman that he fell in love with.
> 
> He's NOT dysfunctional or in need of psychiatric help...he's just young and cannot see the danger signs like you men can.


Well said ! !


----------



## Evinrude58

lifeistooshort said:


> According to the hot/crazy matrix redheads are also bat **** crazy, but being a redhead I dispute this 😁
> 
> I agree with you in this case.


A redhead??? My mental image keeps getting all messed up….


----------



## Casual Observer

Get out. And do understand the dangers of a threesome to a marriage. You have an issue of weakness when it comes to boundaries and need help with that. You stayed in a dangerous relationship maybe partly because of the benefits that dangerous life allowed you to think we’re ok. You are quite possibly not good material for a “normal” LTR at this point, if that’s what you want. You see a need for others to have boundaries but don’t recognize your own weaknesses in that area.

Heaven help the poor next woman you encounter if she’s thinking you’re a safe bet for faithfulness. I don’t know if your wife brought you over to the dark side or if you had those ideas to begin with, but you put up with WAY too much, rationalizing it was ok while going along for the ride, to not have been damaged.

Im not indicting the lifestyle. I’m just saying, if you’re looking for something more conventional, you’re deceiving yourself that you’ll be content.

So. Dump the relationship, and figure out what you really need and want.


----------



## Casual Observer

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to remind all the men here in their 50s with decades of relationship and life experience that this is a 23yr old boy who is just starting out in his first major relationship, with dreams of love and hope and happiness with the young woman that he fell in love with.
> 
> He's NOT dysfunctional or in need of psychiatric help...he's just young and cannot see the danger signs like you men can.


I usually find myself in near total agreement with you but not on this one. He’s gotten sucked in and needs help. This relationship is severely dysfunctional and dragged him into rationalizing things were ok that really weren’t. That has lasting effect, and at 23 it’s not something he grows out of quickly. It’s not something where he’s a horny teenager with an undeveloped brain that doesn’t work quite right.


----------



## LisaDiane

Casual Observer said:


> I usually find myself in near total agreement with you but not on this one. He’s gotten sucked in and needs help. This relationship is severely dysfunctional and dragged him into rationalizing things were ok that really weren’t. That has lasting effect, and at 23 it’s not something he grows out of quickly. It’s not something where he’s a horny teenager with an undeveloped brain that doesn’t work quite right.


I understand why you think I might have been underestimating what kind of swamp he was (is) in, but I was commenting more about HOW the men were advising him, by just saying, "stop being stupid", instead of really commenting on WHY...even though I agreed with them as well!

My post to the OP after that one shows that I agree with everything YOU said here, 100%
(as usual! ).
I truly believe this is a toxic and unsustainable relationship for anyone.


----------



## Divinely Favored

You really believe she pimped herself out for sex with 2 women. BS! I bet it was a 4 some or more...she was working with the other 2 hookers on a guy or two. It would be nieve to believe otherwise. Gave you a good case of the clap to prove it. I bet she could not pass a poly.


----------



## EleGirl

@Homer Simpson 354402

Could you tell us a bit about your family and how you were raised? 

Did your parents use illegal drugs? Was there any type of abuse in your home? Were you raised in a single parent home? How was your relationship with each of your parents? Do you have siblings?

Also, have you ever used illegal drugs?

I'm asking just to get a more complete picture of your situation.


----------



## EleGirl

Homer Simpson 354402 said:


> I don't think she has a mental illness -- although she may. Her mom is bi-polar. It seems as though my wife just has really bad trauma. How am I able to know the difference? I don't know for sure. that's just my guess.
> 
> You're right. Staying with her is necessarily a risky decision. I think about having kids with her and my first reaction is fear. Right now, I do not trust her or feel comfortable enough with her to have kids with her.


You would do well to consider having her see a psychiatrist to be evaluated. She might very well be bi-polar. That might explain what appear to be swings in her behavior. 

And yea, don't have children with her, at least not for a few years until this is all settled. The last thing you want in your life are the problems your child would have with a mother who is the woman you describe and a grandmother who is a drug addict.


----------

