# Left bed room light on



## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Hope you guys can settle a disagreement having with wife...
Two days ago when i woke up.. I didnt turn the light all the way off in our bed room.. It one of those dimmer switch lights.. but it was very dim but still it was on... About an hour after i woke up.. wife stood at end of stairs telling me something but I didnt hear her.. I have server hearing lost .. but anyway before I could ask her what she said.. she went back to bed.. Then 10 minutes later.. she stood at that end of stairs again and telling me to come here with hand jesters and angry look. I ask her what she wanted.. She said i left the light on and i should turn it off now..
So my question is what would been the correct way to handle that ? Should she just turn the light off and told me after she wake up that I left the light on ? Or her way which was telling me come turn the light off which i never heard her in first place and then she going back to bed knowing the light still was on And Then wake up again 10 minutes later telling me turn the light off..
thanks
Nitro68
OH I LIKE TO ADD... THE LIGHT WAS VERY DIM THAT BUT STILL ALMOST DARK IN THE BED ROOM.. JUST I DIDNT TURN THE DIMMER SWITCH ALL THE WAY OFF LIKE I THOUGHT I DID.....


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Wow,if you did this all the time maybe I can understand her
going to all this trouble.If you did this one time,I can only see 
trouble ahead in the future.This is so small, on the real life scale problems to even be concerned about.In my eyes this is nit picking stuff.

Does she criticize you or things you do?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

unless you have a habit of being rude by leaving the light on when your spouce is sleeping. then otherwise I would have apoligised if she kept on about it I would say I have apoligised now can't you just shut up about it!


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Hi Nevergiveup.. Thanks for your reply..Its not that often i leave the light on.. Maybe once per or twice per year..But your right about the nit picking stuff.. we been to marriage therapy before and she told her same thing about dont be nit picking in our marriage.. And yes.. she criticize me a lot over little things.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Hi Chillymorn.. Its rare maybe once or twice per year leave lights on.. but it was a dimmer light which was barely on .. I didnt turn it all the way off when i thought i did..


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

I am picturing this in my mind and it looks more like a mother scolding a child. She could have turned the light off (swore at you in her mind) and then later, when in a more rested mood, come to you and said "hey! You left the light on this morning, jerk!" with a smile on her face. You probably would have apologized, looked sheepish and then remembered to turn the light off from then on. But that's just me.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

in my tree said:


> I am picturing this in my mind and it looks more like a mother scolding a child. She could have turned the light off (swore at you in her mind) and then later, when in a more rested mood, come to you and said "hey! You left the light on this morning, jerk!" with a smile on her face. You probably would have apologized, looked sheepish and then remembered to turn the light off from then on. But that's just me.


Hi Tree.. thanks for the reply... I like the way you said that.. haha And I do agree with you..


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The appropriate adult male response to a wife who believes herself to be his boss or mother is to roll eyes and ignore. A slight chuckle accompanying said eye roll is a nice touch. You are her husband, not a German Shepherd. She's next to a switch. If she desires the switch to be "off", she reaches out her demanding little finger and flips it "off". It is not her job to train her husband, to wake him up for the purpose of receiving instruction, or to whack his nose with a rolled up newspaper. We train people how to treat us, so if you get in the habit of jumping when she says "frog", you've just promoted her to a position she was never intended for.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Wow!

She was treating you like a child!

She could have waited to tell you this later!

Does your wife work and where you out of bed to go to work?


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> The appropriate adult male response to a wife who believes herself to be his boss or mother is to roll eyes and ignore. A slight chuckle accompanying said eye roll is a nice touch. You are her husband, not a German Shepherd. She's next to a switch. If she desires the switch to be "off", she reaches out her demanding little finger and flips it "off". It is not her job to train her husband, to wake him up for the purpose of receiving instruction, or to whack his nose with a rolled up newspaper. We train people how to treat us, so if you get in the habit of jumping when she says "frog", you've just promoted her to a position she was never intended for.


Hi Unbelievable.. lol Amen to that i am not her German Shepherd and frog.. She thinks i am... Thanks for your good reply... It helps..


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Yes Nitro your wife needs to stop making a big deal about little things.

She spends more time to tell you then the 30 seconds it would take to turn the light off.Next time she makes a big deal out of something small,stop her dead and use logical facts against her.
Maybe give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she likes it.If you allow it go on and do nothing,it won't change.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Toffer said:


> Wow!
> 
> She was treating you like a child!
> 
> ...


Hi Toffer.. I agree she should have told me later after she woke up. And no she doesnt work. And i woke up 5am in morning because I wake up at that time. I then went get drink of water.. then went back to the bed room to get my blanket.. so i turn the dimmer switch on but i didnt have it on that bright.. just enough to see where the blanket was.. Then when i went to exit the bed room.. i turn the dimmer switch but didnt do it all the way like i thought. So very little light was still on.. just enough light to make the bulb glow but it still was dark in the bed room.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Nitro, sounds like you suffer from the dreaded nice guy syndrome.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Posts like these make me really sick to my stomach. It is just a light. It is trivial. I look at my situation and am amazed by the things that set people off.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

nevergveup said:


> Yes Nitro your wife needs to stop making a big deal about little things.
> 
> She spends more time to tell you then the 30 seconds it would take to turn the light off.Next time she makes a big deal out of something small,stop her dead and use logical facts against her.
> Maybe give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she likes it.If you allow it go on and do nothing,it won't change.


Hi Nevergveup.. I agree.. thanks for your reply.. And when she makes mistakes and forget things.. I never make a fuss about it.. I dont let little things bother me.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

nevergveup said:


> Nitro, sounds like you suffer from the dreaded nice guy syndrome.


Hi Nevergveup again.. Yes I am a easy going nice guy.. I try not to be mean to others..Thanks for your kind words


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Is she the elected Illumination Sheriff in your county? A light, though quite dim, was left on a few hours. Nobody was killed, the house didn't burn down, Nazi bombs didn't drop on your home, the sun still rose, the birds resumed singing, and life on this planet survived. At the very most, the only damage possibly done was an additional 5 cents on the power bill. If she'd trade peace and harmony with her husband and his self respect to save 5 cents, she has her priorities wrong.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Posts like these make me really sick to my stomach. It is just a light. It is trivial. I look at my situation and am amazed by the things that set people off.


Hi SaltInWound.. I know.. its makes me sad my wife get very upset about the tiniest things.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Is she the elected Illumination Sheriff in your county? A light, though quite dim, was left on a few hours. Nobody was killed, the house didn't burn down, Nazi bombs didn't drop on your home, the sun still rose, the birds resumed singing, and life on this planet survived. At the very most, the only damage possibly done was an additional 5 cents on the power bill. If she'd trade peace and harmony with her husband and his self respect to save 5 cents, she has her priorities wrong.


lol Unbeliebable.. you have a way with words.. hahaha!! But tell you the truth.. it was only about an hour the light was left dim..


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Do your self a favor and Read up on TAM about no more mr.
nice guy.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

nevergveup said:


> Do your self a favor and Read up on TAM about no more mr.
> nice guy.


Sorry Nevergveup.. i little confuse about that.. where you want me to read up on that at ?

Opps nevermind.. you meant this forum.. i typed in search on forum... no more mr nice guy but didnt get anything on that subject


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Thats kind of "picky"//


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

In her shoes I would've turned the light off and, when you woke up, politely asked you to remember to turn the light off when you come to bed.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

This might be one of those issues that can be solved with some tit for tat. If she leaves sometehing out or on, etc. feel free to frog march back and ensure that she does it.

Hopefully, it will only take once before she realises how offensive that beahvior is. If once doesn't work, you may have identified and additional problem.

Btw, my brother behaves like your wife. No one, including my parents, like visiting him.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

At most she should have said something like, "babe you left the light on ... I'll get it". And it should have been matter of fact. But really she should not ahve said a thing but shut it off. More going on here.

Maybe she wants you to make mad passionate love to her. .... maybe not.

But seriously how is the rest of your marriage?


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Petty and delusional says it all


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Control issues?
Just guessing.
Maybe there is something big in her life that's out of her control.
So she focuses in on the stuff she can control (but shouldn't.)
Sad.
Also you said she was yelling to you and knows you have severe hearing loss.
Seems like if she was really bent on sleeping she would have got up and turned the light off and went back to sleep, vs. getting up and going to all that trouble of yelling.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

dallasapple said:


> Thats kind of "picky"//


Hi Dallaspple.. I say it was very picky too.. thanks for your reply..


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> In her shoes I would've turned the light off and, when you woke up, politely asked you to remember to turn the light off when you come to bed.


Hi Cosmos... That would been great if she did that..Thanks for your reply


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> This might be one of those issues that can be solved with some tit for tat. If she leaves sometehing out or on, etc. feel free to frog march back and ensure that she does it.
> 
> Hopefully, it will only take once before she realises how offensive that beahvior is. If once doesn't work, you may have identified and additional problem.
> 
> Btw, my brother behaves like your wife. No one, including my parents, like visiting him.


Hi NextTime.. That isnt my style.. not sure i could do that.. I would feel guilty.. She doesnt act like around her friends or family.. Only behind close doors..Thanks for your reply


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Mr Used To Know said:


> Petty and delusional says it all


Hi Mr Use.. amen to that!.. Thanks for your reply


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Control issues?
> Just guessing.
> Maybe there is something big in her life that's out of her control.
> So she focuses in on the stuff she can control (but shouldn't.)
> ...


Hi Home Maker... Not sure if control issues or not... Thanks for your reply..


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Nitro68 said:


> Hope you guys can settle a disagreement having with wife...
> Two days ago when i woke up.. I didnt turn the light all the way off in our bed room.. It one of those dimmer switch lights.. but it was very dim but still it was on... About an hour after i woke up.. wife stood at end of stairs telling me something but I didnt hear her.. I have server hearing lost .. but anyway before I could ask her what she said.. she went back to bed.. Then 10 minutes later.. she stood at that end of stairs again and telling me to come here with hand jesters and angry look. I ask her what she wanted.. She said i left the light on and i should turn it off now..
> So my question is what would been the correct way to handle that ? Should she just turn the light off and told me after she wake up that I left the light on ? Or her way which was telling me come turn the light off which i never heard her in first place and then she going back to bed knowing the light still was on And Then wake up again 10 minutes later telling me turn the light off..
> thanks
> ...


The "best" way to resolve things is to see your partner as a human with human failings, and to do the most loving response you can think of. 

If your marriage is lacking this, it might be a good idea to ask yourselves why.


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> At most she should have said something like, "babe you left the light on ... I'll get it". And it should have been matter of fact. But really she should not ahve said a thing but shut it off. More going on here.
> 
> Maybe she wants you to make mad passionate love to her. .... maybe not.
> 
> But seriously how is the rest of your marriage?


Hi Entropy... I agree what you said about the light... And how rest of my marriage ? Well.. she doesnt like to communicate, always keeping her feelings inside.. doesnt let me hug her... or kiss her.. or hold hands..She also very defensive person... Thanks for your reply


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## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

KathyBatesel said:


> The "best" way to resolve things is to see your partner as a human with human failings, and to do the most loving response you can think of.
> 
> If your marriage is lacking this, it might be a good idea to ask yourselves why.


Hi Kathy.. thanks for your tips and reply


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Oh, boy! If I could talk to my husband like that and get away with it, it would drive me INSANE!!!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Next time what will be your response?

Mine would be something like "Oh you caught me, I did it on purpose, the better to see you with... accent lighting".


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## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

red flag...watch out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

This is a matter of picking your battles and unless she intends to completely control you she's picking poorly.

Usually when women act like this they do intend to dominate the relationship in a not so nice manner.

This type of thing sent me running for the hills when I was single & dating.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Like I told my 4 year old granddaughter, "people who play bossy games end up playing alone."


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Wow, she made a big deal out of a small small thing...so, you forgot a light on..so what? when she noticed it, she should have turn it off and remind you again in the morning, nicely, to shut it off before you go to bed. Waking you up and screaming at you definately was out of line. 
But seems to me that the light is the last issue on the list of your marriage problems. Your wife is psychologically abusing you. If MC won't work, you should contemplate the "Exit" door.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife has lots of little habits and quirks that annoy me but then I ask myself if I would rather some other man was dealing with them. She's my wife, warts, quirks, and all and I'm very glad that out of all men on this earth, I'm the one God picked to hear her snore, pick up her dirty socks, listen to her Metallica CDs, and get in her car with no gas. If she were taken out of this world tomorrow, I'd really miss those annoying quirks. I hope she's annoying me 50 years from now.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Life's too short to fuss over trivialities. It sounds like your wife is trying to start a fight, for whatever reason.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't understand why your wife could not turn off the light herself and not get angry about it in the first place. We all make mistakes whether its a light, TV, or even forget to shut the garage door for the night. I don't care if the light was dimmed or fully on, this is overreacting on her part by a tenfold.

My husband always falls asleep with the TV on. It really bugs me for some reason to wake up with it on in the middle of the night with it shining in my eyes. There's no way I'd wake hubby up to tell him to turn it off, nor would I yell at him the next day. This is so minor. All I do is turn the TV off myself and forget about it. It will happen again I'm sure, but it's not a big deal.

You need to tell your wife how disrespectful her actions are. She literally is treating you like a child as mentioned previously. Even if my children made a big mess somewhere, I'd never wake them up to clean it. I'd either clean it myself or wait the next day after they woke up. 

Living with someone who is constantly nagging is awful.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

You mentioned she doesn't communicate her feelings very often?Could be other things that had bothered her that she had "stuffed" and the big deal over the light was misdirected frustration or triggered the stuffed feelings that had piled up to come pouring out.

But that really wouldn't make sense if you say she is also constantly nagging about something.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

First, tell her to go F herself, then hand-cuff her to the bed post and spank her a$$ for being a spoiled whiny brat.

Who knows, she just might like it.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

I could see her doing this to hold you accountable if you are chronically disrespectful of her sleep. BTDT!!!


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