# Affair with my neighbor



## unhappy1973

let me start by saying I know I am wrong, but I have done what I have done and can't take it back at this point.
About 2 1/2 months ago I started to have an affair with my neighbor. We are both married; me 14yrs and her 12 yrs. We both have children who are friends and we have always spent a lot of time together. It all started off innocently enough and over the years we flirted and started to become emotionally attached. We are both in marriages that we ok on the surface but had underlying issues. my wife and I have twice thought about divorce and both times found ways to make it work. Again we were going through a bad phase and then this happened.
I don't want to continue in my current marriage and I am in love with my neighbor. I have know her for 9 years and the emotional part of our relashionship has been growing over that time. Now that we have the ability to express our feelings to each other our love has just blossomed so fast. I guess I just am not sure how to proceed with this. I don't want to hurt our kids but I don't want to remain married to someone I just don't love anymore. I know that infidelity is not the answer, but that ship has sailed and is not coming back. I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known. I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.

I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.


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## Almostrecovered

fun stat for you


3% of affair relationships last long term

so you are throwing everything away for a really small chance at happiness

the truth is that your "love" for your neighbor is all mostly based in fantasy, once those endorphins of having exciting secret sex and professions of love wear off in the light of exposure, you are left with the reality of a real relationship with the same sort of problems all couples have and then add in the fact that neither of you will ever trust each other since you are both cheaters.


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## AppleDucklings

....if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all....maybe I'll come back later and give you some good, hearty constructive advice when I've cooled off. Sorry, but you just totally triggered me. But, so you are warned, you will NOT hear what you want to hear on here. However, we do hope you will take all advice given to you to heart. It is for your own good no matter how much you will hate it.


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## Unsure in Seattle

Is it worth it? Not really. But you probably should get a divorce, regardless of if you take up with the neighbor. Your spouse deserves better.


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## HerToo

Look in the mirror and you'll see who is playing who as the fool. 

Let me tell you what is going to happen. You are going to ask your wife for a divorce. Your neighbor is going to ask her husband for a divorce. They will talk to each other and do the math. Both families will be destroyed. Either your family or her family will have to move because of the shame.

But let's say that she confesses to her husband and wants to reconcile. Meanwhile, your wife is putting your stuff on the curb and sending you on your way. Now you have no one. No lover, no family. 

There are many other possible outcomes as well. But these are the most likely.

Do your wife a favor, file for divorce and confess the affair. Let the neighbors do what they want.

Oh, and I'm a cheater as well. Welcome to hell.


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## TRy

You are in the fog. You are chasing a fantasy. In real life a wife must help you raise the kids, address bills and deal with real issues. An affair partner is nothing but sunshine and roses. No heavy lifting, just fun romance. Once you have her the newness will wear off, and real life will kick you in the butt once again. The only difference now is that your kids and friends will never fully respect you, and you will always know deep down inside that your new wife is capable of cheating on you when things are not going well, and she will know the same thing about you. You will be in a relationship where both of you have good reason not to trust the other when the chips are down.

Although you are too deep in the fantasy to know it, this will not end well for you. Sadly it will also not go well for your children either. My dad cheated on my mother, they got divorced and my life was never the same afterwords. Now that my dad is old, when he asks what happened to my relationship with him, I tell him the name of the OW is what happened (BTW my dad and the OW did not stay together very long after my mother found out, and it was my dad that ended up trying to stop the divorce, but he came out of the fog too late). I wish you nothing, but do pray for your children.


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## bryanp

What do you think your neighbor's husband will do to you when he finds out?


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## PBear

As someone who cheated... I don't see an "easy" way out for you, if you're going to try to keep your neighbor in your life. And as others have mentioned, your odds of a successful marriage are very low regardless.

In any case, if you're not willing to fix your marriage, end it. What you're doing now is not fair to your wife, and you know it.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

unhappy1973 said:


> Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.



kinda late for that, isn't it?


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## Twistedheart

bryanp said:


> What do you think your neighbor's husband will do to you when he finds out?


Hopefully his neighbor isn't willing to do jail time to teach both of these selfish insensitive individuals a lesson they won't soon forget!


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## YupItsMe

Almostrecovered said:


> the truth is that your "love" for your neighbor is all mostly based in fantasy, once those endorphins of having exciting secret sex and professions of love wear off in the light of exposure, you are left with the reality of a real relationship with the same sort of problems all couples have and then add in the fact that neither of you will ever trust each other since you are both cheaters.


:iagree: This is the reality. This is exactly what is going on. 

Guess what you should do. 

1. Stop the affair immediately and have no more contact
2. Confess to your wife
3. Work on your marriage with everything youve got

Until you understand 

A. the fog
B. the endorphins almost recoverd speaks of you are walking blind without a cane

I sincerely hope you figure it out.

My FAV comment from almost recovered is the point that you will have the same problems as all couples have. Infidelity isnt the solutution. That just makes it much much worse. 

You have been diverting energy away from giving your wife her due so you can pour it into your affair. 

You WILL be found out. Count on it.


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## Deejo

What you 'want' isn't possible.

End your marriage with no disclosure, minimum collateral damage to the kids in both families, and then pick up and move on with your affair partner?

It cannot and will not be 'clean'.

So ... if that is the course you want to follow, then come to terms with 'ugly'. It will sort itself out one way or another within several years ... but make no mistake there will be repercussions.

Move out. Own your sh!t. Try to use some excuse to dodge the bullet with your wife, and it will eventually come around ... and be far, far worse.

The best help I can offer you based upon what you state as the desired outcome, is to simply accept that the circumstance you are in is as ugly as it gets. Watched it happen with my parents. Then had a front row seat in my own marriage.

But, I can tell you that the 'ugly' won't last forever. It will settle out eventually, but it always leaves scars and what you end up with virtually never looks like what you had hoped for.


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## DanF

These folks know what they are talking about.
I am a cheater, too and can tell you that all of these posts are dead on.
You think you're in heaven right now, but Hell is about to start.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Anybody with half a brain will be able to figure out that you two had an affair. By wanting to walk away "cleanly" all you are attempting to do is absolve yourself from any responsiblity for two broken families. It is a terribly cowardly thing to do but then your character and hers comes through loud and clear.
If you ever cared about your wife and your mistress ever cared about her husband, the only honorable thing amoungst theives to do is come clean instead of leaving them twisting in the wind as to what went wrong.


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## Hope1964

DanF said:


> These folks know what they are talking about.
> I am a cheater, too and can tell you that all of these posts are dead on.
> You think you're in heaven right now, but Hell is about to start.


:iagree:

Except I am the betrayed spouse, not the cheater.

Wake up and smell the coffee, my friend. Wake up.


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## Chaparral

Your family will always think of you on the holidays. Not very long though and the thoughts, well............lets just say they won't be nice.


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## sigma1299

From yet another cheater these folks are telling you the truth. Own what you've done. It's the only dignity you have left. 

And in case you didn't know - this is going to hurt no matter what direction you go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien

Almostrecovered said:


> kinda late for that, isn't it?


My thoughts exactly. If you wanted to get out of this without broken lives, sounds like this question should've come up a very long time ago. I've seen this story replayed here many times. When it starts with " I'm having an affair..." somebody's gonna get burned in a bad way.


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## chattycathy

You should have never spent time alone with the neighbor woman. You blew it.
Tell your wife what you have done and see what she has to say.
She might leave you and you will be free to find someone you 'love'.
If she doesn't leave you, you have one heck of a woman. You need to re-examine who she really is. You obviously have no clue who your wife is OR you would never have done that to her.
You DO know who the neighbor woman is....someone who will cross boundaries with men when she is in a 'committed' relationship/marriage. She may look like a great match for you but she is not a very together or real woman. You and the neighbor women are faux romantic fools.


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## Shaggy

Coward.

Not only did you betray you wife, but you stole your children's family from them. Oh, and you've ended their ability to be friends with your neightbors kids, and you've help end the neightbors family and marriage.

Way to go big guy.

Now you want to slink off, ditch your wife though divorce without her learning you are cheater. I guess she might figure out what you've done when you hookup with your OW and shack up.

I hope when the OMW finds out - you get some up close and personal feedback on your trashing his marriage.

So what do you want from us? Support for your cowardly cheating? A medal, perhaps sympathy and advice on how to continue being a coward?

Want advice- man the heck up - end the affair - throw yourself at your wife's mercy and spend the rest of your life making it up to her and your kids. 

but you won't - because you are just another coward and cheat who thinks they've found true love.

well at least give your kids one last christmas as a part of a family, because it looks like it will be their last forever.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach

sorry, your all wasting your breath.

Your talking to someone who is as high as a kite. He's not listening. Even if he's reading all this, its boucing off. 

because.... No one understands, its different for them. Everyone will be happy for them when they understand this is true love, it was meant to be. True love conquers all.

My suggestion is that you keep lying, hiding, faking, & betraying everyone until you can be together... Then it's all going to be alright. 

lol.

ps. I know nothing I could say could possibly have any impact what so ever on what you crazy kids do... The wheels are in motion and your soaring at 50,000 feet.... 

But, take a look out the window.... The wings just came off....

Happy landing.


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## Shaggy

PIT - you're 100% right.

The OP no doubt is thinking "wow, these TAM people are all so judgmental and vicious. They are mean, don't they understand that I know what I did was wrong, but I'm in love. WHY CAN"T THEY HELP ME AND BE HAPPY FOR ME?"


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## that_girl

Shaggy said:


> PIT - you're 100% right.
> 
> The OP no doubt is thinking "wow, these TAM people are all so judgmental and vicious. They are mean, don't they understand that I know what I did was wrong, but I'm in love. WHY CAN"T THEY HELP ME AND BE HAPPY FOR ME?"


And in a few months, when **** hits the fan, he'll be back saying, "OMG HELP ME! I TOTALLY SCREWED UP! WHAT DO I DO!?"


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## Almostrecovered

he hasnt been back to read the replies


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## Hope1964

Do people who post stuff like this really expect that we're going to just answer the question and not tell them what idiots they are??


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## SadSamIAm

He is asking an impossible question. 

Even if we are OK with the cheating, what possible answer could solve his problem?


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## Shaggy

You know folks, if we keep this up - cheaters are gonna start feeling like we don't support them and their happiness.


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## sigma1299

unhappy1973 said:


> Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.


Well unhappy - on the off chance that you make it this far through the thrashing you're getting I went back and re-read your post and thought I'd actually try to offer some constructive advice to this question of yours quoted above. 

What you have to understand is that at this point IT IS GOING TO GO HORRIBLY WRONG FOR THE INNOCENT PARTIES - IT ALREADY HAS THEY JUST DON'T KNOW IT!! 

So if you know that, all you can do is hope to minimize how horrible horrible is. How do you do this? THE TRUTH. The cold, hard, honest truth - to everyone. Admit what you've done, pay the prices and suffer the consequences. The cheaters who have replied to you - we've all done it. Yeah it sucks but it's the only chicken salad that can be made out of the big pile of chicken sh!t you and your neighbor have made. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, I know it sounds like I'm advising you to go out and cut your appendages off with a dull knife - but it is the only honorable thing left that you can do. 

There is no way to avoid the horrible, no way to avoid the plane crash Pit is talking about. All you can do is try to minimize the damage and this is the only way to do it. Rest assured the truth will come out. Even if you and your neighbor call off the affair and swear each other to secrecy forever more. Sooner or later it will come out. The best way for something like this to come out is for the offending parties to throw themselves on the hand grenade of honesty to minimize the blast damage to those around them. 

I hope you've made it this far. I hope you do the right thing - for those around you and for you as well.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Anybody else notice he used the wording "current marriage" implying there is another one in the future? This guys head is so far up his ass he can smell his own colon.


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## AppleDucklings

Hope1964 said:


> Do people who post stuff like this really expect that we're going to just answer the question and not tell them what idiots they are??


Yes, they really do. They fully expect us to embrace them and tell them that all will be ok. They expect a conversation to go something like this:

SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: I'm having an affair on my spouse, I know it's wrong but we are SO in love (note how they always say it's wrong but...)

US: Oh? Yes, it is wrong but it's love you say?

SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: Yes, it's love. My spouse doesn't give me any attention, and we've been drifting apart for years now. I love my spouse but I'm not in love and I deserve to be happy (see how it goes from knowing its wrong to blame shifting onto the spouse)

US: You know what. You are so right! How dare your horrid spouse, who we all bet has some sort of foul, repulsive body odor, not give you the attention you deserve. We don't blame you for finding love with someone else. In fact, we all bet that the new love is wonderful and smells lovely too.

SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: yes, my lover makes me very happy. They understand me and my spouse doesn't. If my spouse would have only listened to me when I needed them to, then I never would have fallen in love with someone else. They washed my undies with a red sock, now I have to wear pink undies and everyone makes fun of me. It's all my spouse's fault.

US: oh no! Not pink undies! You must divorce your spouse right away and marry your lovely-smelling lover. It is only right! You deserve white undies and someone who smells nice.

SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: Thank you for understanding. Yes, my spouse does smell very foul and pink undies make my ass look big, and this is why I can't wear undies when I am with my lover.

US: Awwwww, you poor unfortunate soul. How awful it must be for you to be married to that funky, foul fish who can't even wash laundry. You go be with your lover. It is only right after everything you been though! Oh, and don't worry, your spouse will not only completely understand, but they will give their blessing as well.

Yes, this is crazy and I wrote it that way on purpose. It's crazy because they are crazy! They do fully expect us to be understanding because "it's love"


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## sigma1299

That's friggin hilarious!!!!:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Therealbrighteyes

AppleDucklings said:


> Yes, they really do. They fully expect us to embrace them and tell them that all will be ok. They expect a conversation to go something like this:
> 
> SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: I'm having an affair on my spouse, I know it's wrong but we are SO in love (note how they always say it's wrong but...)
> 
> US: Oh? Yes, it is wrong but it's love you say?
> 
> SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: Yes, it's love. My spouse doesn't give me any attention, and we've been drifting apart for years now. I love my spouse but I'm not in love and I deserve to be happy (see how it goes from knowing its wrong to blame shifting onto the spouse)
> 
> US: You know what. You are so right! How dare your horrid spouse, who we all bet has some sort of foul, repulsive body odor, not give you the attention you deserve. We don't blame you for finding love with someone else. In fact, we all bet that the new love is wonderful and smells lovely too.
> 
> SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: yes, my lover makes me very happy. They understand me and my spouse doesn't. If my spouse would have only listened to me when I needed them to, then I never would have fallen in love with someone else. They washed my undies with a red sock, now I have to wear pink undies and everyone makes fun of me. It's all my spouse's fault.
> 
> US: oh no! Not pink undies! You must divorce your spouse right away and marry your lovely-smelling lover. It is only right! You deserve white undies and someone who smells nice.
> 
> SLIMEWEASEL CRAP SACK CHEATER: Thank you for understanding. Yes, my spouse does smell very foul and pink undies make my ass look big, and this is why I can't wear undies when I am with my lover.
> 
> US: Awwwww, you poor unfortunate soul. How awful it must be for you to be married to that funky, foul fish who can't even wash laundry. You go be with your lover. It is only right after everything you been though! Oh, and don't worry, your spouse will not only completely understand, but they will give their blessing as well.
> 
> Yes, this is crazy and I wrote it that way on purpose. It's crazy because they are crazy! They do fully expect us to be understanding because "it's love"


How DARE the spouse not give their blessing! We only live once, right? Even more incredible when you read about cheaters who moan that the betrayed spouse is putting up such a fight/being difficult. Hmmm, let's see. They were lied to, cheated on, gaslighted, painted as less than and above all not consulted about a situation that directly affects them and their family, instead having the rug pulled out from underneath them and these cheaters want the betrayed to slink quietly in to the night to pave the way for the new person? 
I certainly don't condone murder. Having said that, I can sympathize with a spouse that just goes nuts after finding out that everything they ever thought about their marriage was a lie and the person....the one person who was supposed to have their back was in fact laughing behind it.


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## ing

You know. In the end the thing that busted my wifes affair was me agreeing to everything and not giving a sh1t. 

Yes. It was a horrible marriage

Yes. I was horribly abusive during the period when you told me that you were going off with someone else.

The kids will be absolutely fine. They will adjust and be happy. I even found some stats to back it up!

I think you will be very happy together. Lets just split up the assets and move on with life!

I think the reason it worked is that the OP and my Ex knew exactly what they should be doing. They are already beating themselves up about the "children adjusting to a separate life" 
More importantly they knew that their affair had a lifespan. It only works when it is part time. By pushing the Affair partners together you force them to look at reality. Which sucks. Big time

You lose 50% access to your kids [at best]
You are financially ruined.
You lose your real partner forever.
You lose your home.
You lose your security 
Your children live in poverty, financial and emotional. 
and most importantly..
You lose your future. It just vanishes. Affair partners don't look beyond the next meeting. The next email. The next fck. 
They pretend to . They pretend they have a plan. 

But. Mr OP. What is your plan? 
I would really like to know how you imagine this will work out?


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## AppleDucklings

ing said:


> You know. In the end the thing that busted my wifes affair was me agreeing to everything and not giving a sh1t.
> 
> Yes. It was a horrible marriage
> 
> Yes. I was horribly abusive during the period when you told me that you were going off with someone else.
> 
> The kids will be absolutely fine. They will adjust and be happy. I even found some stats to back it up!
> 
> I think you will be very happy together. Lets just split up the assets and move on with life!
> 
> I think the reason it worked is that the OP and my Ex knew exactly what they should be doing. They are already beating themselves up about the "children adjusting to a separate life"
> More importantly they knew that their affair had a lifespan. It only works when it is part time. By pushing the Affair partners together you force them to look at reality. Which sucks. Big time
> 
> You lose 50% access to your kids [at best]
> You are financially ruined.
> You lose your real partner forever.
> You lose your home.
> You lose your security
> Your children live in poverty, financial and emotional.
> and most importantly..
> You lose your future. It just vanishes. Affair partners don't look beyond the next meeting. The next email. The next fck.
> They pretend to . They pretend they have a plan.
> 
> But. Mr OP. What is your plan?
> I would really like to know how you imagine this will work out?


Ing, don't you know that OP imagines it will all be candy canes, gumdrops and rainbows? Can you not hear the happy music playing in the background? Paper hearts are raining down from the clouds, everyone is merry! BS couldn't be happier that the man she gave her vows to has found someone better, I mean after all, if she truly loved him, she would be happy for him. And the kids, well, the kids are just tickled pink for now they get to live in 2 different houses! How exciting is that for everyone!! And the BS, she is actually relieved to get every other weekend to herself now, so it works out to everyone's favor. And the OW and the BS will be the best of friends too. Let's not forget the betrayed husband too. He's happy to be forking over half his check that his wife can spend on the OM instead of their kids.


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## sigma1299

OP?....OP?.....

Do you want help or not? 

You think facing the music is hard here? Wait till you try facing your wife and family. 

The people here really do want to help. Even cheaters like you and I. I have gotten some wonderful help here, but the people are tough and very honest. We can - and have - collectively given you good advice. We're taking shots at you now while we wait to see if you really want help or not - sorry IMO it's mostly entertainment and some venting until either you return or we get bored. Even in the shots being fired at you there is truth and good advice.

Best of Luck.



We really need a popcorn smiley...


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## ing

AppleDucklings said:


> Ing, don't you know that OP imagines it will all be candy canes, gumdrops and rainbows? Can you not hear the happy music playing in the background? Paper hearts are raining down from the clouds, everyone is merry! BS couldn't be happier that the man she gave her vows to has found someone better, I mean after all, if she truly loved him, she would be happy for him. And the kids, well, the kids are just tickled pink for now they get to live in 2 different houses! How exciting is that for everyone!! And the BS, she is actually relieved to get every other weekend to herself now, so it works out to everyone's favor. And the OW and the BS will be the best of friends too. Let's not forget the betrayed husband too. He's happy to be forking over half his check that his wife can spend on the OM instead of their kids.


Don't forget the camping holidays where all the kids and the BS with their new partners too, All six of you will share a laugh at the amazing good fortune they all found someone to be truly happy with.


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## jnj express

If you are bound and determined to wreck the lives of everyone around you, and screw up your own flesh and blood kids, and yes they will make it, but who knows what of their psyche And If you do not intend to part with your deep dark diety little secret, to your wife-----

Be man enuff to stop your A., right now, and file for D.

Then stay away from your lover for at least one year, otherwise everyone will know, what you have/are doing

I am thinking, the right way, is not something you can handle, but if you can, at least, those around you, won't live in a world of misery, and hurt


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## Bartimaus

This thread makes some of us sad because it makes us look back over the time we spent with a cheating spouse and we know what this guy is doing and the total hell he is wanting to create for the spouses and children involved. And we know how foolish he is and what will happen to him and his cheating lover.
All in the name of love and his fantasy romance. Oh the lies and the hell that are done in the name of love! And it's a good guess that either he or the cheating neighbor woman may now become one that will go from affair to affair or lover to lover the rest of their life just to get that 'amore,o oh, 'amore...'
OP,it's also YOUR life and your cheater girlfriend that will be messed up along with your spouses and children.
Heed the advice and stop now! Just for the sex and romance they want,look at what these two are actually doing!
This guy makes me glad that I never flirted one time with that married hottie and mother of three that used to be our neighbors,,,though my WW did her flirting with the neighbor hotties husband.


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## AppleDucklings

Heyunhappy, if you ever come back and read these comments, please at least do one decent thing, and let your poor wife know about this site, so we can help her.


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## square1

Maybe if you just swap the house numbers your neighbors husband will go to your house and just act like that's his family then you move next door and all is right in your world.


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## alphaomega

Apple!

I think I'm in love with you! 

You have, by far, the most awesome colorful language on this board.

I have to find me a librarian. I'm sensing those stereotypes have some truth to them. Lol. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega

Crap sack. Hehehe. I'm going to use that one too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

Apple I cannot understand why your asshat of an ex treated you so badly. He must have some serious mental issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings

Catherine602 said:


> Apple I cannot understand why your asshat of an ex treated you so badly. He must have some serious mental issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know why he did either, and I don't know I stayed for so long, but the use of humor gets me through it.


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## AppleDucklings

alphaomega said:


> Apple!
> 
> I think I'm in love with you!
> 
> You have, by far, the most awesome colorful language on this board.
> 
> I have to find me a librarian. I'm sensing those stereotypes have some truth to them. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 awww schucks, making me blush


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## Saffron

If by any chance the poster is still reading, I wanted to point out something he mentioned for him to ponder.

He and his wife have discussed divorce twice, but the affair supposedly only started recently. However, he's known his affair partner for years since she's a close neighbor and friend.

Unhappy, take a long hard look at the past. If at any point in time (even before the affair) you compared your wife to this neighbor or imagined how it might be if your wife could be more like her or enjoyed the occasional "what if" fantasy, then you were not 100% devoted and focused on making your marriage work. Those divorce discussions may have been over real marital concerns, but if you had visions of the neighbor at the corners of your mind during those talks, even hypothetical unrealized visions, then you were already checked out of your marriage. If that is the case, you never gave your wife and family the chance they deserved.

Regardless, there is no clean way to divorce. But you do owe your wife, the mother of your children, the truth. Your children may hate you for choosing another woman over their mother, but they may forgive you someday as long as you're honest with them. Believe it or not, the lies compound the hurt. Tell your wife the truth and let her decide if you get to go quietly off with your lover. However, she may prefer to shout it from the rooftops that you're a cheater. Exposure of your affair should be her choice, not yours. And no guilting her into silence. You support every decision she needs to help her through your abandonment. You've already failed her by cheating, you will fail her by leaving, do not fail her even more by lying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Iamchanging

WAKE UP!!! its NOT real. I hope you know what a mess you are in and how you have lost hope in your marriage and allowed this to happen. I can't emphasise enough to WAKE UP!!!


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## HusbandInPain

unhappy1973 said:


> let me start by saying I know I am wrong, but I have done what I have done and can't take it back at this point.
> About 2 1/2 months ago I started to have an affair with my neighbor. We are both married; me 14yrs and her 12 yrs. We both have children who are friends and we have always spent a lot of time together. It all started off innocently enough and over the years we flirted and started to become emotionally attached. We are both in marriages that we ok on the surface but had underlying issues. my wife and I have twice thought about divorce and both times found ways to make it work. Again we were going through a bad phase and then this happened.
> I don't want to continue in my current marriage and I am in love with my neighbor. I have know her for 9 years and the emotional part of our relashionship has been growing over that time. Now that we have the ability to express our feelings to each other our love has just blossomed so fast. I guess I just am not sure how to proceed with this. I don't want to hurt our kids but I don't want to remain married to someone I just don't love anymore. I know that infidelity is not the answer, but that ship has sailed and is not coming back. I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known. I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.
> 
> I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.


Congratulations. You've pushed the meltdown button on your marriage, Your neighbour's marriage, and the lives and happiness of children. Your wife is going to look at you with a horror and despair that you will never understad, and she will never recover from. And it's your fault. Yours. I hope you are proud. your family friends are going to have to pick sides, and they won't pick yours. Your personal friends may stand by you but they will be talking about you behind your back and will think you are a ****. People are going to have to move house. People may fail at their jobs. 

And

Your wife will be utterly, utterly devastated. Not a tad pissed off. Not a little bit missed. Not upset. Devastated. You will destroy her as a person. She will lose all self respect and self esteem. She will become a zombie, unable to dress herself or prevent herself from crying one moment and screaming the next. She will lose all confidence, all sexual desire. she will require constant reassurance, and constant love and attention. and the one person who is supposed to provide all of this is the one person who did it to her.

Just because you weren't man enough to step up and fix your marriage. You took the coward's way out. And you're still looking for the coward's way out.

From my perspective you do have a decision to make. But it's going to be tough. And I doubt you're man enough. The right thing to do is to put the kids with a sitter for evening, sit your wife down, explain everything, and beg, BEG for her to give you another chance. Tell her you will change as a person, tell her you will do anything and everything she asks. Tell her she will be the centre of your world, every moment of every day. Tell her you will spend your ENTIRE LIFE seeking her trust and forgiveness. She may not even give you the time of day, but at least you'll have been a man just once.

Because the meltdown is coming. forget about the man you were. That man is a pathetic excuse for a human being who betrayed the one person he SWORE not to betray. Your decision now is not how do you avoid a meltdown, but what kind of man do you want your wife to think you are in the future. A coward, and forever a coward, or someone that made a terrible, terrible mistake, but is decent enough to have stepped up and owned up to it without being caught, and courageous enough to commit to atoning for his selfish action.

So put on your man suit, and zip it the f*ck up.




EDIT: I have to admit there may be a teeny, weeny possibility that this post has somewhat triggered me...


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## Sparkles422

I am the betrayed EX spouse. When I found out about the affair, I requested MC but ex was so driven by lust or escapism that he declined. I filed for divorce and was divorced 4 months later.

Let me tell you it was hell for me. Hell. I told him he may regret this because we had been best friends. Now he is away for 2 months visiting friends and family. Always running away. 

I have no doubt this will catch up to him. 

I wish you luck. I am eternally grateful that I wasn't the one to do this. I can't imagine what's going on inside your head and what your future will be a year from now.

My conscience is nice and clean. And my next relationship I will be loyal again. 

Courage is a difficult attribute but all of us BS's have it, the betrayer does not. Good luck getting that backbone.


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## ing

Looks like we got bored.


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## Bartimaus

For those of you who have gone thru what the OP is going thru,you know he is hearing here what he doesn't want to hear. He probably needs to live out his fantasy with this 'ANGEL' he thinks he has found to save his soul and life from such misery that he didn't deserve with his wife. Doubt he will even peek back here again at this point and if his neighbors wife fails to be the 'ANGEL' he has always wanted then he will probably try again and again till he realizes that there is no woman that will fill this void for him. Seems to me he has read to many fairy book tales that end with...'And they lived happily ever after'.
Lol,geesh,how life and failed love affairs make you bitter and funny at the same time.Can you say 'STUPUITT IDGIT BOYS AND GIRLS?'. Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day in the neighborhood,won't you be my...'.


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## lola_b

My husband cheated on me a month after we got married...I knew the whole time but he denied it the whole 1.5 years. He finally confessed January of this year (via e-mail). 2 months later the OW dumped him and charged him with criminal harassment.

Moral of the story? What goes around, comes around. Karma IS, and always will be, a *****.


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## unhappy1973

Ok, I haven't run and I sure as hell didn't hide. I appreciate those of you who gave me something constructive to work with. For the rest of you, yes I am everything you called me but offered nothing but childish remarks that did nothing other than make me think a little less of you or your opinion. 
I now think I get how this is going to happen and that's the reason I asked. Before I made a dumb decision I wanted to hear what could honestly happen. Yes I am living out a fantasy and yes it was wrong. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would do this so I needed to find a place where people had been through what I am going through and hear what they honestly had to say. 
With that being said, I will break this off tomorrow because it can only end in ruin. I will be a man and confess to what I've done and see if I can find a way to fix what I myself destroyed. I don't expect that I will be afforded that opportunity, but I think it'ss the right thing to do at this point. 
Again thanks to those that found it in them to tell me the truth without all the name calling, it honestly helped and that's what I thought this was for. As for the rest of you, I may have failed at my marriage, my parenting and my life but you are just as hollow of a human being for thinking that people can't change or see the forest through the trees and resort to childish antics to appease your warped sense of self importance. that was helpful.


To all Thank you very much. I will come back and give updates as each step of the process goes on.


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## unhappy1973

Also, Husbaninpain:

Thank you, although harsh yours was constructive and it meant a lot to me. seriously, Thank you.


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## FormerlyCareFree

unhappy1973 said:


> Ok, I haven't run and I sure as hell didn't hide. I appreciate those of you who gave me something constructive to work with. For the rest of you, yes I am everything you called me but offered nothing but childish remarks that did nothing other than make me think a little less of you or your opinion.
> I now think I get how this is going to happen and that's the reason I asked. Before I made a dumb decision I wanted to hear what could honestly happen. Yes I am living out a fantasy and yes it was wrong. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would do this so I needed to find a place where people had been through what I am going through and hear what they honestly had to say.
> With that being said, I will break this off tomorrow because it can only end in ruin. I will be a man and confess to what I've done and see if I can find a way to fix what I myself destroyed. I don't expect that I will be afforded that opportunity, but I think it'ss the right thing to do at this point.
> Again thanks to those that found it in them to tell me the truth without all the name calling, it honestly helped and that's what I thought this was for. As for the rest of you, I may have failed at my marriage, my parenting and my life but you are just as hollow of a human being for thinking that people can't change or see the forest through the trees and resort to childish antics to appease your warped sense of self importance. that was helpful.
> 
> 
> To all Thank you very much. I will come back and give updates as each step of the process goes on.


Let us know what your wifes reaction to your confession was. I'd love to know.


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## unhappy1973

Saffron said:


> If by any chance the poster is still reading, I wanted to point out something he mentioned for him to ponder.
> 
> He and his wife have discussed divorce twice, but the affair supposedly only started recently. However, he's known his affair partner for years since she's a close neighbor and friend.
> 
> Unhappy, take a long hard look at the past. If at any point in time (even before the affair) you compared your wife to this neighbor or imagined how it might be if your wife could be more like her or enjoyed the occasional "what if" fantasy, then you were not 100% devoted and focused on making your marriage work. Those divorce discussions may have been over real marital concerns, but if you had visions of the neighbor at the corners of your mind during those talks, even hypothetical unrealized visions, then you were already checked out of your marriage. If that is the case, you never gave your wife and family the chance they deserved.
> 
> Regardless, there is no clean way to divorce. But you do owe your wife, the mother of your children, the truth. Your children may hate you for choosing another woman over their mother, but they may forgive you someday as long as you're honest with them. Believe it or not, the lies compound the hurt. Tell your wife the truth and let her decide if you get to go quietly off with your lover. However, she may prefer to shout it from the rooftops that you're a cheater. Exposure of your affair should be her choice, not yours. And no guilting her into silence. You support every decision she needs to help her through your abandonment. You've already failed her by cheating, you will fail her by leaving, do not fail her even more by lying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Saffron,

You make some very good points. I don't honestly think that I viewed her in that way in the past, but I can't honestly rule it out either. We have been with them for 9 years and I think that when things started to fall apart, I started to wonder if it did what would I do. Yes, that is the wrong way to look at it, but I think it's something most people in their late 30's would do faced with the possibility of ending a relashionship that has been going on for close to 20 years. I did try to make it work and I did change a lot about myself. I am not perfect nor did I expect her to be. I was told when I got married that you should marry the person for who they are and not have any expectation of changing them. I believe that, however I also think that people do change and it's when those changes are negative it starts to affect how you feel about someone. I won't sit and makes excuses for what I did. I will end my affair today, I think that is the first step to take. I will tell my wife about it, however I will wait until after the holiday's. I think that is the right thing to do for her and my kids. I will not ask her to hide it or conceal it. This is on me and I do believe that I deserve what I have coming to me. 
I am not the horrible person I seem like. I did make a horrible mistake and that I can not take back. I wish I had come here sonner to find out how to fix my marriage before I let it get to this point. Thank you for your advise, it was one of the posts that helped me figure this out. I came looking for an answer to the impossible question and instead got a dose of reality and I appreciate that.


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## sigma1299

Unhappy. I wish you the best of luck. I truly do. I've been where you're about to be and it isn't fun. You'll find the people here much more understanding if you're working toward the truth and atoning for your actions. They'll still smack you across the face if they think you need it, but you will get more support than you have so far. 

I would suggest one thing. IMO you need to tell your wife first - for two reasons. One, it takes away any possibility that in the break up with your AP that your wife finds out from anyone other than you which you don't want to have happen. Two. Quitting an affair is very hard. You'll be tempted to go back, likely horribly so. If you tell your wife first you're committed, there is no going back. Personally I would never have been able to quit my affair if I had not had to be accountable to my wife. 

Don't let the holidays slow you down. If you wait she'll only look back on them as a lie, any memory made will be ruined. The truth is the 2011 holidays are ruined for you and your wife no matter what. If you tell her now at least any memories she makes will be genuine. 

Good luck man. You're doing the right thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Iamchanging

So glad to hear you have made this decision! Specially as I am going through a separation myself (I'll spare you the details) and I've just had my sweet 4year old daughter ask me "mommy, does daddy not like you, does he hate you?" A child should NEVER EVER have to ask these questions, let alone even think it!! my response ofcourse was "NO, daddy loves me very much" and that's all she will ever know. I hope that you will understand how much care and patience you will all need in the next few months but there is always hope. All my best to you. Btw, I didnt want to give too much of my opinion, not being a bloke myself I thought it best for the men here to give you their thoughts on your situation.


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## unhappy1973

Thanks Sigma I will take your advise. You are most likely correct. My thoughts were that if I broke it off at least I could tell her that and hope that makes some small difference. On the other hand, if I don't and it gets out from anyone other than me, she will not believe that was ever my intention. I will take that advise and again, I know I deserve whatever comes my way, I just hope that I can minimize the collateral damage to everyone else especially my kids.
Iamchanging, also thank you. My children are very important to me and although I made a foolish and heartless decision, they were my only thought and I certainly did not want them to be hurt. I realized reading everything that what I was going to do would devastate them. Period. My wife and I have problems and we need to fix them, not run and try to find the answer in someone else. If we can't then we need to part as calmly as possible and get on with our lives. I hope we can, and I am not sure what kind of strain this will put on it but I have to do the honorable thing and tell her the truth. Thanks again to all that tried to help. You did.


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## working_together

Speaking as someone who cheated on her husband, I get a lot of what your saying, in the beginning you were ready to give it all up because someone else made you feel good inside. Believe me, it doesn't last, it is a fantasy. I'm glad you decided to come clean with your wife, and end the affair. Not sure if it will make a difference in your situation that you tell her before she finds out, but give it a shot.

You have a tough road a head of you, but like the advice I have been given, show her how much you are devoted to her, and how you want to re-build a happy marriage. Remember actions say it all.

Good luck


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## sigma1299

One more thing. Tell your wife the whole truth - please please please do not give her trickle truth. 

Details are different though. Tell her everything she needs to fully understand what happened, but after that provide details as she ask for them. Some betrayed spouses want every gory detail, others only enough to know the truth, whichever she wants give it to her. Answer her questions honestly and willingly. When you tell her, if you hold any truth back it will come to the surface later on - promise. If that happens you'll put her - and you - through the pain of discovery day twice. Plus after that she'll always wonder if there's yet another shoe to drop that she doesn't know about. You only get one shot at this - make sure gets the full truth. As hard as it will be don't pull that last punch when it comes, it will hurt worse if hits her later rather than sooner. 

I understand your thinking of breaking off the affair first. So do this. There are examples of no contact letters on this site. Have one written, ready to mail to your AP when you tell your wife. After you've told her hand her your no contact letter and let her put it in the mail after she reads it and you make any changes she wants. 

I'm going to make a few assumptions now based on my own experiences and some others I'm familiar with... You know that your AP is going to be crushed, hurt, pissed and feel betrayed herself right? I only ask so you're prepared. You have to ignore it all - you have to close the door on her - you have to abide by no contact for your wife's sake. The two of you have an emotional connection, it's going to be harder to leave her a wreck than you think. You're going to want to go back and try to put your AP back together, to get "closure". Don't. It will crush your wife further and there is no such thing. Affairs only end badly, there is no good goodbye. It will be easier on everyone - you included - if once you slam the door it stays shut. Reopening it, even a crack, just prolongs the pain and suffering of everyone. I know this from my own experience.


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## AppleDucklings

Also, be prepared to lose your wife forever. She may not be willing to try to save the marriage.


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## unhappy1973

AppleDucklings said:


> Also, be prepared to lose your wife forever. She may not be willing to try to save the marriage.


Understood. TY


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## FormerlyCareFree

When do you plan on breaking the news? have you told your lover about your decision yet? how did she take it?


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## OOE

unhappy-

I'm glad you replied to the comments - I didn't respond because I thought you were simply a troll. I'm sure that same feeling led to much of the negativity, as well.

Please try to understand that many (half? more?) of the people on this forum have lived through affairs by their spouses. Hearing your story takes us back, often frighteningly close to that raw, painful place from our past. Some are still in that place (they just discovered the affair), so their emotions are very close to the surface.

After reading your responses, I appreciate that you want to try to make things right - as least as right as they can be.

It takes a lot of courage to post what you did here. It will take even more when you tell your wife.

Here's what you need to do to have any real chance of repairing your marriage (with no guarantees):

- Tell your wife what you did. You'll just have to take her wrath.
- Tell your wife that you want to do whatever it takes to salvage your marriage. She might say it's too late for that.
- You, or she, or both of you should tell the OW's husband. Sucks, I know.
- If it's not too late, with your wife write a "no contact" letter from you to the OW. Have your wife mail it. You MUST maintain 100% no contact. Telling her husband will make the "no contact" easier.
- From this point forward, you have to be 100% transparent. Give your wife all of your passwords. She gets to look through your phone/Facebook/email whenever she wants.
- Your wife may ask for specifics. This might happen now, or it might happen years from now. Whatever details she asks, give her - no matter how specific. Hide nothing.
- Get some good counselling.


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## AppleDucklings

don't tell your AP (affair partner) you plan on telling your wife. She will only freak out and talk you out of doing so. You tell your wife what happened--leave nothing out, answer truthfully any questions she has. Then you send the AP a NC (no contact) letter. You don't tell the AP face to face what is going to happen, you send her a NC letter and you stick to that. You also send a confession and an apology letter to her husband, and let them be free to decide what is best for them. It may be easier for them to save their marriage if her husband knows you are stepping out and will stay away. You said the ow is your neighbor? How close of a neighbor? Like right next door, or down the street? How likely will you be in still seeing her everyday since you're neighbors?


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## that_girl

I suggest moving too.

Seriously.


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## OOE

that_girl said:


> I suggest moving too.
> 
> Seriously.


:iagree:

Sounds drastic, but that would certainly show your wife you're dead serious about the no-contact.


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## that_girl

If I was his wife, I'd demand it. With or without him.

No way could i live near my husband's affair person. 

Hells no.


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## FormerlyCareFree

Yes, move. Far away. You see the effect this is already having on your family? Now the kids have to leave their neighborhood friends, and a house they feel safe in, all because of this situation you've created.


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## morituri

And please no trickle truth . Be willing to tell her *everything and I mean EVERYTHING that she wants to know about the affair.* Of course you want to gauge her emotional reactions while confessing by continuously asking her if she wants you to proceed. She deserves to know everything so she can make a wise choice to continue with the marriage or to divorce you. That is her right.


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## SadSamIAm

This just seems like such a drastic change from "I am in love with my neighbor and don't want to continue my marriage" to this. 

You are doing the right thing, but I have a tough time believing your heart will be in it and that you will be able to let go of your neighbor so easily. 

In your 'change of tune' response, you spoke mostly about doing this for your children. You really need to be doing this for your wife. Your wife deserves to be first in your heart. Your marriage can only survive if you can have true feelings for your wife. Make sure that when you talk to your wife, you talk about doing this for her and your family. If all you talk to her about is the kids, she will sense that she is now second place and that probably won't go over too well.


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## Shaggy

A bit of advice about the AP, do not make any attempt to "cushion it for her, feel bad for her, reach out to her, make her pain less, etc." 

all those things only show your wife that you are still prioritizing the AP over her.

Your AP is big girl who made her own choice to cheat.


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## ing

Glad you didn't vanish. It is so common that after a few posts we do a bit of venting. Seriously, a lot of the stupid childish things have been said to us by our mainly Ex spouses.

It is a decision that will start to set things right. It will be painful. It will be agony in fact for your wife. Your pain at the loss of your AP is insignificant compared to what she is about to go through.


Absolute truth. Get the facts straight in your head before you tell her. She will want to know timeliness first. PLEASE don't try and minimize the affair. Each small lie has exactly the same weight as the original confession. It is a fresh betrayal and it does as much damage. If you want to try. Answer ALL questions, she will ask the same question over and over. It will take some serious courage and patience on your part to keep answering them. 

You need to offer transparency. Total lack of privacy for you. If you offer this she will feel safer. Right now she will feel like the floor just opened up.

No contact. None at all. Not a phone call. Not a text. Not a nod in the street! This is going to be really hard since she is a neighbor. As others have said, your probably going to have to move. It is up to your wife.

The other thing nobody has mentioned here is that it can take three to five years to recover from this if you do it properly. If she wants to..

We genuinely want to help you, you won't like a lot of what we have to say, but the reality is many of us have lived though some very nasty affairs.


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## sigma1299

ing said:


> The other thing nobody has mentioned here is that it can take three to five years to recover from this if you do it properly. If she wants to..


This is absolutely true. My wife and I are 15 months into what has so far been and will hopefully continue to be a very successful reconciliation and we're still dealing with it. It just takes a while to eat an elephant this big.


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## dontregretit

Its been awhile since this posted. What was the outcome unhappy1973? Your situation sounds extremely similar. I hope you made the right decision on what to do. Some affairs do indeed work out in the long run and some do not. I would not tell your wife regardless if you choose to leave her or stay. The pain can be unbearable. If you truly believe that this women is for you, you both get a divorce and several months down the line start a relationship. Don't stay in a marriage if you do not love her and don't stay just for the children. You only have one life and you deserve happiness and the feeling of love and to be loved back. Keep the affair secret for life, its best. I'm speaking from experience. An affair can be a fantasy for some but not for all. It is real with real emotions. Follow your heart. You have been friends for many years, so you do know this women very well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares

unhappy1973 said:


> let me start by saying I know I am wrong, but I have done what I have done and can't take it back at this point.
> About 2 1/2 months ago I started to have an affair with my neighbor. We are both married; me 14yrs and her 12 yrs. We both have children who are friends and we have always spent a lot of time together. It all started off innocently enough and over the years we flirted and started to become emotionally attached. We are both in marriages that we ok on the surface but had underlying issues. my wife and I have twice thought about divorce and both times found ways to make it work. Again we were going through a bad phase and then this happened.
> I don't want to continue in my current marriage and I am in love with my neighbor. I have know her for 9 years and the emotional part of our relashionship has been growing over that time. Now that we have the ability to express our feelings to each other our love has just blossomed so fast. I guess I just am not sure how to proceed with this. I don't want to hurt our kids but I don't want to remain married to someone I just don't love anymore. I know that infidelity is not the answer, but that ship has sailed and is not coming back. I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known. I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.
> 
> I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.


Is your new main squeeze still married to your neighbor? Is he aware that you've been plowing his field?
If this is still going on, your marriage to the woman you don't feel is entitled to your "love" may be the least of your problems.
In my opinion, you are chancing a well earned beat down from him.If you feel confident enough in your self defense capabilities that you "know" this won't happen, are you ready for him to stick a knife into you and walk around you?
If you are intent of continuing with this, then get a divorce and insist that you sister cheater get one, too.
Then you can hook up and spend the rest of your lives trying to determine each is cheating on the other.
:lol:


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## Jellybeans

Unhappy the OP hasn't posted in almost 3 months.

ZOMBIE THREAD


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## Dexter Morgan

unhappy1973 said:


> I want to try to get out of my marriage without her knowing what happened but fear that once I start a relashionship with this woman it will be known.


Oh geez, grow a pair. You had the cahones to cheat on your wife with your neighor, have them to own up and face the music.

If you want to try to get out of your marriage without owning up to what you are, fine. But don't sit around for years trying to figure out a way to save face while wasting more of your wife's precious time left on this planet.




> I want to know if it is worth taking the chance so I don't completely destroy our families by having this come out.


What makes you think divorcing for any other reason than you F'd around will make things any better?

If you don't love your wife, quit wasting her time. Tell her you don't love her anymore. Problem is, that isn't going to be good enough and if she is smart, she'll smell a rat.

So get on with divorcing your wife, setting her free from you, so she can move on with her life and hopefully find someone that cares for her. Your need to save face shouldn't be her problem.




> I know I will get a lot of people telling me how horrible I am. Yes you are right, I am. Please try to help me figure out though how to best handle this situation without it going so horribly wrong for the innocent parties.


This isn't about sparing them, its about you trying to save yourself from the shame of what you did. Face your consequences and set your wife free.


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## Dexter Morgan

Jellybeans said:


> Unhappy the OP hasn't posted in almost 3 months.
> 
> ZOMBIE THREAD


Just saw that. Still if he ever lurks, or anyone in his situation, my comments stand.


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## Almostrecovered

I should bump old threads to get Dex to reply
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dexter Morgan

Almostrecovered said:


> I should bump old threads to get Dex to reply
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wasn't the only one that replied to a resurrected thread.


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## just got it 55

OP You are going to loose everything Your Kids will hate you for years maybe forever your parents will be angry and disapointed in you. Your brothers and sisters will also

So you tell us , will that piece of strange be worth that? It will rot your new relationship from within. Because she will get the same from her family


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## WyshIknew




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## barbados

Almostrecovered said:


> fun stat for you
> 
> 
> 3% of affair relationships last long term
> 
> so you are throwing everything away for a really small chance at happiness
> 
> the truth is that your "love" for your neighbor is all mostly based in fantasy, once those endorphins of having exciting secret sex and professions of love wear off in the light of exposure, you are left with the reality of a real relationship with the same sort of problems all couples have and then *add in the fact that neither of you will ever trust each other since you are both cheaters.*


...Or you do end up staying together, but at what cost? My sister is one of the 3% that did stay (20+ years now). HOWEVER, the karma bus has driven over her big time ! 

The now husband is an over whelming nut job control freak who has ruled and controlled her EVERY move since day one (like AR points out, cheaters don't trust). The one child they have together is a 20 year old train wreck (yes, hard to admit that about a niece, but its true).

Also, he had 3 young kids at the time (my sister had none) and they all basically ignore him now as adults. Be careful what you THINK you wish for !


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## Tomlondon

Well I guess I got here too late. Firstly feel bad, but not too bad your a man and we have evolved to ****, that's it, spread our seed as it where. I know ladies..... its a drag but that's evolution for you! You girls are designed to 

"find man, settle with man, have child" 

The need women have for children is mother nature at work. Just as nature has designed men to **** as much as possible. You've got a problem , probably long resolved . However i wouldnt take the advice of these fat,ugly bitter moo's.

Dont confess thats the worst thing you could do! Why not just stick your face in a blender ? Tell your neighbour that you both have to stop, she'll understand I imagine your both sick with worry. Now move house . Dont **** where you eat.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

This guy is long gone.

I'm guessing that he halfheartedly confessed to his wife - Knowing full well that she could divorce him.

They divorced. His OW divorced. They then tried and then failed at making an adulterous relationship into a normal relation ship and his dream came crashing down around him.

OR, his wife divorced him. The OW didn't get divorced and his dreams came crashing down around him.

OR, the OW husband found out. Exposed the affair to his wife. Then the karma bus nails him.

The fact that he never posted again is testament that nothing ended will for him. Though that thought is not that unpleasant to me, I can't help but feel sorry for his wife, the OWH and the kids.


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