# Do you ever read threads on here and think...



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Ok well at least I'm not in that situation? Or at least things aren't that bad?

I know, I probably shouldn't do that but sometimes it does help to keep things in perspective and not obsess about every little problem we have.

Or am I a bad person? :scratchhead:


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Sometimes ...

Sometimes I just think 'Woah - how on earth do people get into that sort of situation???'

Then I run away, grateful that it's not me ...

Am I a bad person too?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

All the time. I want to buy my wife flowers after reading some of these threads.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I've been in some really bad situations in my life. The difference I frequently see here is people who post and remain stuck in those situations. I suppose fear of a known evil is more comfortable than fear of an unknown evil. 

Still, why keep complaining about a crummy relationship, but do nothing more than vent?:scratchhead:


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

All the time. I still get surprised by threads. Some I think are trolls making up stories just for the reaction, but other stories seem truthful. I'm so thankful my relationship problems are so minor.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Most of the ones I read are usually always pretty bad. But I hang out in the CWI and Divorce section a lot.


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## GoodForNothing (Feb 25, 2013)

No, unfortunately I'm in a mode of thinking after every thread I read, "Well, that explains that!" and I realize that things are almost following a script in our marriage. But it's good to learn this now rather than later.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Absolutely every day and I believe that is why I come back - I guess, I think hope, maybe I can help someone. I subscribe to the edict "To those to whom much is given, much is expected". I and my family have been blessed indeed and I feel a sense to pay that forward.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes I do think that OP but also aware many would think the same about my story.

So many of the threads where the husband is being an inconsiderate, selfish pig make me want to burst. There are just some behaviours and situations that leave me thanking The Universe that isn't my lot in life.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

These threads ought to be mandatory reading for anyone considering marriage. The faint-of-heart would abandon the plan.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> These threads ought to be mandatory reading for anyone considering marriage. The faint-of-heart would abandon the plan.


Oh I feel like TAM has saved me from a future I don't want. Have never been married, and am currently single. I'm only 28. No marriage for me thanks. Have learned more about relationships on this site in the past 3 months then I've learned in the past 15 years.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

The stories on here are true?

I thought this was all about who can write the best fiction.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Jasel said:


> Oh I feel like TAM has saved me from a future I don't want. Have never been married, and am currently single. I'm only 28. No marriage for me thanks. Have learned more about relationships on this site in the past 3 months then I've learned in the past 15 years.


See I feel this part is ... My parents divorced, they were just not compatible... it was a train wreck.... but I did NOT allow that to sway MY dreams... No way.. I think if people are observant, we can learn much from others experiences....some valuable lessons there...

Realize what WORKS for YOU....realize your deal breakers... take time with your significant others, no rushing... get vulnerable, dig deep.....and don't settle... marriage can be your greatest dream if you find that "right" person.. that compliments who you are. 

I hope not every single person who graces this place will forgo Marriage. Though it does seem the institution is slowly dying.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

There but for the grace of God go I.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

No, I don't really take that approach. No one is perfect so we all live in the hell of our own making. What works for one, doesn't always work for another. There is a lid for every pot. 

And the most important... 

Some people are just happier being miserable.

However, finding your own gratitude does not make you a bad person at all!!! Happiness is relative and we've all got some.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

The threads on here definitely make me grateful that I am married to my husband and not some of the losers mentioned here.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

yellowstar said:


> Ok well at least I'm not in that situation? Or at least things aren't that bad?
> 
> I know, I probably shouldn't do that but sometimes it does help to keep things in perspective and not obsess about every little problem we have.
> 
> Or am I a bad person? :scratchhead:


I am thankful for my wife is what I think.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I felt guilty at first, not being married and "only" dealing with an inappropriate relationship /EA. But the wisdom here has useful in formulating thought and rigor towards relationships.

In the outside world, you will get the old "what's wrong with your partner hanging is his female friend from time to time" and well, if you're a softie like me, you'll back down and take the heat.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No I'm not in a habit of minimizing my problems just because someone else's is worse.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Schadenfreude does not appeal to me.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Reading some of these threads make me very grateful for my own relationship.


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

I think the thing that gets me is that there are people on this board who would literally walk through fire and deal with an incredible amount of crud on daily basis but it is apparent in their posts that they are strong and are bound and determined to come out better on the other side. Then you get the people who would hang up their marriages over some pretty trivial things. So, yes, I do come here sometimes and say "thank heavens that's not me"  and other times I come here and feel so inspired. Othertimes, I admit it (and it does make me horrible), that I sometimes even feel superior. Mostly though I jst read these stories and feel incredible sympathy and sadness


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

I agree with curlysue321. Most here that are happily married are thankful for their spouses and don't compare their situation to others. They are here to lend a hand to those in need. As for me, I am glad that I am on the path I am on and not stuck with a walking DNA collection unit.


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## bailingout (Jan 25, 2013)

yellowstar said:


> Ok well at least I'm not in that situation? Or at least things aren't that bad?
> 
> I know, I probably shouldn't do that but sometimes it does help to keep things in perspective and not obsess about every little problem we have.
> 
> Or am I a bad person? :scratchhead:


For me this site is at times highly educational, at times helps me confirm what I may think, at times helps me realize something I may not have considered and at times completely horrifying, sometimes all at the same time. :scratchhead:

I am sadden by those who don't have the inner strength to stand up for themselves.

I am sadden by those who are so ignorant that they don't think they need to improve themselves or grow in any way.

I am inspired by those who have managed to pull themselves from the trenches of their own issues and become better people not only for themselves but are also willing to help others.

But mostly I am afraid of what the human race has become and what the future holds for the generations to follow. How can a race possibly pull themselves out of such a horrid mess.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Depends on the situation. Sometimes I can relate. Sometimes I feel badly for the OP. Sometime I think they have it coming to them but mostly I think "Glad that's not me anymore." 

Divorce if final April 1st. :smthumbup:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> No I'm not in a habit of minimizing my problems just because someone else's is worse.


I agree with this.Now sometimes I do think "I wouldn't trade" or thank God I'm not having to deal with that. .But mostly what I do think is if I did trade reading these stories I would for the most part be trading in some negatives for some positives we dont have and losing some positives we do have and gaining different negatives..LOL!!We all have our own journey some we can relate to some we cant.But that doesn't mean I don't have legitimate problems.

But I wont lie..I will run into the opposite sex and just their attitude or view point is so distasteful to me I will think I would hate to be married to that person .Or I feel sorry for their wife.Having said that I realize some think the same about me.But thats just a case of obvious incombatability having no "like mindness" their spouse could be perfectly content.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

No and no 

I like to be good at what I participate in. 

My approach has always been to look into the possibilities, probabilities, strategies, tactics, techniques, to follow best practices and avoid practices that have proven to be unworkable or short sighted. 

In any activity I have ever been in there are always those better and worse. I strive for my best by putting forth a committed effort to acquire the knowledge needed to be the best I can be and let that which I can not control come out as it must.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Sometimes I read threads here and I get afraid.
I wonder if my marriage is abnormal , or if I we are relics, and what is the future of humans , the institution of marriage and civilization.
Then I remember that this is a forum for troubled marriages ,and troubled people, so what do you expect?
Those that have good marriages on the site, I try to learn from them , the older wiser ones.
The others I can only pray that the see the light.
So I'm thankful for my wife, the type of person she is , and the selfless effort she puts into our marriage. 

Most of all I have learned that sometimes the only difference between our marriage and the troubled , dysfunctional ones here is
our approach to the problems.
I believe to a great extent , process equals results.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'll happily keep my wife's special brand of crazy. After being on here and hearing what else is out there, I'd be afraid to trade her in.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I'll happily keep my wife's special brand of crazy. After being on here and hearing what else is out there, I'd be afraid to trade her in.


Special brand of crazy...? Seriously that is probably one of the sweetest things I have heard lately..you need to tell her that.

(no lie..write that in your next anniversary card..)


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

I agree having a little perspective is good. We don't want to make mountains out of molehills or be obsessive about everything being perfect. But setting some boundaries in a relationship is not only healthy but necessary. 

All the things you read on here that others are going through don't diminish the pain and dysfunction you may be struggling with in your own relationship. Your own experience is real and matters. 

Sometimes I read here about crazy over the top stuff going on where I would have walked out much sooner. To each there own. Respect yourself or you can't expect others to do that for you. 





yellowstar said:


> Ok well at least I'm not in that situation? Or at least things aren't that bad?
> 
> I know, I probably shouldn't do that but sometimes it does help to keep things in perspective and not obsess about every little problem we have.
> 
> Or am I a bad person? :scratchhead:


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## Roma (Apr 18, 2012)

Yeah reminds me of this quote
"I moaned because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."


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