# Privacy



## PoolShark (Mar 29, 2015)

I went to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. While I was in the shower I hear someone try to open the door but walks away so I thought it was the kids. Next thing I know my wife is walking in the bathroom and gets what she needs. I continue showering but I feel I need to address this. We have family over so I can't address it now. What would you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

Not care......


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Pull her into the shower...?

Unless I was pooping I wouldn't have cared...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I would open the shower door and pull her in with me or splash her with water (as that is what she does to me)!

My favorite thing to do is sneak in while she is getting a shower. If she is rinsing her hair with soap all over her face, I will walk right up smoosh my face against the shower door, stare at her and wait for her to open her eyes! Since the door is all fogged up I really can't see much, but I know she can make out someone standing there and eyes! She will always scream really loud and then splash water at me over the top of the door to get me back.


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## PoolShark (Mar 29, 2015)

I clearly heard her the first time, the second time I didn't even hear her. I still think it's an invasion of privacy. But I ignored it, I guess I'll use humor next time.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Well, you're married.....so you've had sex (I hope), so she's seen you naked. And you've seen her naked...

Were you doing something weird? In the shower? Otherwise, I don't get the issue.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

I'm sorry and I hate to say it, but your marriage is doomed to fail if this becomes a discussion. This is turning a molehill to Mount everest x10. Before you think to discuss this matter ask yourself, why does it bother you so much? Most couples are comfortable being naked and sharing bathrooms with each other. Youre kind of in the minority on this one.

Whats your background? Was this behavior off limits in your childhood?


This has potential marriage wreck written all over it. You discuss it with your wife thus creating some sort of emotional rift. Your wife feels distant, then youre not having sex frequently, You question it, she says I love you but not in love with you, then divorce.

You might think its crazy but its seeds like this can doom a marriage. I think its wise to fall on your sword on this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

Perhaps you should masturbate when she's not home. I can't imagine why else you would care that the woman you're married to, swap fluids with etc sees you naked... There is little privacy in a marriage. I get to sh*t alone that's about it.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

There are two sides to this as I see it....

1) close the bathroom door = I'm in here but don't mind if someone walks in
2) close the bathroom door AND lock it = I'm in here and would appreciate some privacy for a bit.

The guy might be horny and want to jack off or shave his pubes or have a dump or simply just escape for a bit.

Whether we are in a perfect marriage or a sexless and emotionless marriage, we ALL have the right to some total privacy occasionally.

Locked door = leave me alone. respect my privacy.

However, I wouldn't make a big deal of it but how about changing the lock so it can't be opened from the outside? But I would certainly say something to the wife but in good humour....
'Good job it was you and not the kids because I could have been jacking off which is why I locked the door!!!!!!'


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Breaking into a locked bathroom is a definite breach of boundaries. It shows a lack of respect for you. Locked = Stay Out. Unlocked = come in if you want.

I'd address it in those terms with her. For many people, privacy is a valued commodity. It is a guaranteed time without kids demanding something, pets whining at you, or other intrusions. It is a time for peaceful thought. A time just for yourself.

I can remember the frustration of having toddlers in the house, and just as soon as I'd lock the bathroom door and sit on the toilet one of them would be knocking on the door and wanting me to do something for them! Not even a minute of alone time.

I wouldn't make it a big angry confrontation with your wife, just a calm comment that when you lock the door it is because you want some privacy and and alone time. If she has some argument about needing to get ready for work or some other time critical thing, I would respond then she needs to either do it before you get in the bathroom or she needs to knock and get your response before just barging in.

It would be a reasonable compromise for you to unlock the door just before you get in the shower, if you are willing to give up that alone time. However, you are entitled to your needs, and if you need ten minutes of guaranteed locked door while you shower, then you should be able to get it.


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

If my wife started locking doors to keep me out, I would think something really weird was going on. Just how we are, I guess. I mean, we go to the bathroom while the other is in the shower, so eh. (wish there was a shoulder shrug smilie).


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

PoolShark-

It sounds like you wanted privacy and thought the locked door conveyed that message. But perhaps your wife didn't think it applied to her as well (just the other family that was over). 

If this is a boundary you'd like to keep going forward...just let your wife know that you would prefer full privacy when the door is locked. 

Perhaps I'm coming from this perspective because my husband prefers such privacy and I respectfully maintain that boundary...no speculation needed.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

My H got mad at me for coming into the bathroom to get what I needed (and I didn't bug him or anything), then that is something that would not be taken seriously for me because we've seen much worse from each other. 

We're married. I've seen him naked, masturbate, and I've even had to go into the bathroom when he's pooping - if only for a second to give him a new roll of toilet paper. He's watched me give birth to our children, I've thrown up all over him after a surgery, and he had to take care of some tubes that I had coming out of my body to drain fluid. Disgusting right? 

But I mean - what I am saying is that we've gone through some pretty disgusting/embarrassing things together. I just don't see how you showering and possibly masturbating (because this is the only thing I can think of that you would not want her seeing)is that big of a deal, especially if she was silent when she went in, got what she needed, and left. She didn't bother you at all. 

I guess each person is different, but I think there are much bigger things to worry about in life as well.


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

staarz21 said:


> If my H got mad at me for coming into the bathroom to get what I needed (and I didn't bug him or anything), then that is something that would not be taken seriously for me because we've seen much worse from each other.
> 
> We're married. I've seen him naked, masturbate, and I've even had to go into the bathroom when he's pooping - if only for a second to give him a new roll of toilet paper. He's watched me give birth to our children, I've thrown up all over him after a surgery, and he had to take care of some tubes that I had coming out of my body to drain fluid. Disgusting right?
> 
> ...


Hell, I saw inside my wife when she had our first son (he was an emergency c section). I am fairly certain we have zero physical secrets anymore.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I like privacy in the bathroom. I lock doors with no shame and no apology. I don't believe marriage is some magical eraser of your right to any privacy. My wife was surprised early on in our marriage, but I continued to do so. She got over it. It's a non-issue.

Keep locking the door. Hopefully she'll get it the message.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

I require privacy, and the bathroom is one of those places on the required list.


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## PoolShark (Mar 29, 2015)

Thanks Guys. I made it clear in a Good morning text this morning. 

"Love you too. PS: Next time I'm in the bathroom and you unlock my door I'm going to bring you into the shower with me"

Her response. 

Lol. Ok sorry (see no evil emoji icon)


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Well done.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

PoolShark said:


> I went to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. While I was in the shower I hear someone try to open the door but walks away so I thought it was the kids. Next thing I know my wife is walking in the bathroom and gets what she needs. I continue showering but I feel I need to address this. We have family over so I can't address it now. What would you do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


God, I cant count how many times i walk in on my hubby when hes having a bath. He likes his b.......... ack washed.

In all seriousness tho, I am a little confused by this post?. I mean what is there to address, How strange!!!!


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## PoolShark (Mar 29, 2015)

Issue was that I was asking for the most appropriate response to her breaking my privacy. she should have knocked. I give her the curtousy of privacy. I expect the same. This is just one example of privacy issues I am dealing with and am looking for the most grown up ways to deal with them. Another example is that she goes thru my phone, I gave her my passcode. I know she does but I've been keeping it to myself. She has trust issues and is controlling. I'm again trying to deal with it in the most civilized manner possible.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Now that Poolshark has told his wife this thread will probably die...but before it does...

.....I really don't think its about catching your spouse masturbating or pooping or shaving pubes etc....its as if the bathroom with a locked door is a sanctuary....somewhere you can go to escape the rat race!
Apart from that its simple respect.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Since you locked the door I agree that is saying you want privacy so don't come in. Your wife should respect that. I would mention it to her. If the door was unlocked then I would be ok with coming in when my husband is taking a showering.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I personally wouldn't have considered this a problem. But, it did bother you, and every marriage is different in its own way. I think you handled it well. Next time it happens though, you need to follow through!


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

PoolShark said:


> Issue was that I was asking for the most appropriate response to her breaking my privacy. she should have knocked. I give her the curtousy of privacy. I expect the same. This is just one example of privacy issues I am dealing with and am looking for the most grown up ways to deal with them. Another example is that she goes thru my phone, I gave her my passcode. I know she does but I've been keeping it to myself. She has trust issues and is controlling. I'm again trying to deal with it in the most civilized manner possible.


Everyone is different and everyone's relationship is different. I cant really speak as i am forever walking in on my husband and hes always walking in on me.

Regarding the phone she obviously has trust issues, as i would never go through my husbands phone even tho i could if i wanted as i know where it is as its always in the same place.

The only way you will sort these things is communicating with each other.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I guess we're a weird couple, we think absolutely nothing of walking in on each other, been that way ...since FOREVER...our bathroom is hooked to our bedroom.. most of the time, we just leave the door open... 

We also get into the tub every night together...


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

PoolShark said:


> Thanks Guys. I made it clear in a Good morning text this morning.
> 
> "Love you too. PS: Next time I'm in the bathroom and you unlock my door I'm going to bring you into the shower with me"
> 
> ...


Although she might want that, so your humorous way of trying to get privacy might back fire. 

I don't get why showering needs to be private in the first place though. The only privacy my husband and I require is for using the toilet, other than that, the door is typically just open. I love showering with my husband, so I would take that text as an invitation to join him.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I guess we're a weird couple, we think absolutely nothing of walking in on each other, been that way ...since FOREVER...our bathroom is hooked to our bedroom.. most of the time, we just leave the door open...
> 
> We also get into the tub every night together...


Not weird at all, and if your weird then were both weird haha.

I think my husband would be pissed off if i never walked in on him... Oh and he always makes up the same excuse that hes lost the soap in the bath and wants me to find it.

We have on occasion had a few romantic baths together i always make him go the end where the taps are:smthumbup:. The only thing i cant stand is when i try to get out and i get trapped between his legs..... ahhhhhh who said romance was dead LOL.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Anonymous07 said:


> I love showering with my husband, so I would take that text as an invitation to join him.


 I love love love the idea of showering together.. but my H gets a shortness of breath in there for some reason.. 

It's very strange, like a steam allergen ....don't know what it is.. but I don't want to take his breath away [email protected]#

I could never understand why he didn't seem to love it as much as me..like when on vacation..Oh he'd still get in there to make me happy... then one day...he opened up about this "issue"... oh well.. we have the bathtub....and some bubbles....it is very romantic..


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

This thread reminds me of an incident when I was 8 or 9. My aunt took me to Disney World. She had a friend who was a single mom with a son around my age and we stayed with them. Mom was probably early to mid 30s if I had to guess. They lived in an apartment/condo complex that had a pool. My friend wanted to go swimming and decided we should go ask his mom. So we did.

She was about to shower and was buck naked in the bathroom. She screamed when I walked by the hall and stared in the open bathroom. My aunt dragged me out and spanked me.

Looking back, I find it weird she was ok with her 8 year old son walking in, but when I innocently walked by she screamed. And that was the first time I saw a naked woman....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Thor said:


> Breaking into a locked bathroom is a definite breach of boundaries. It shows a lack of respect for you. Locked = Stay Out. Unlocked = come in if you want.
> 
> I'd address it in those terms with her. For many people, privacy is a valued commodity. It is a guaranteed time without kids demanding something, pets whining at you, or other intrusions. It is a time for peaceful thought. A time just for yourself.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I agree with Thor.

When I was married, I would have wanted to grab her and pull her in, as some others mentioned, but I more than understand the privacy side. Privacy and a few moments alone can be a valued commodity among some of us. It reminds me of a scene in the Enforcer when harry said, "It's gettin' so you can't even go to the can in peace." 

I noticed that some seemed shocked that this was a big deal; it seems petty, right? That's how some of us guys felt when our WAW gave us her reasons for leaving. It seemed those reasons would fit this category.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Wet T-shirt contest!


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