# your gut says yes...



## lovehurts (Feb 24, 2010)

Hi all. I'm new to this board and hoping to get some good advice.

Fiance and I have been together since 2003 and we have a daughter together. Things have been rocky since end of 2007-present and I have just this past weekend moved back in with my parents to see if counseling and some time apart will do us good. (This is not the 1st time I have moved out).

So, I have always questioned him about cheating. Really long story and more than one story have lead me to these insecurities and he always denies it. He swears he has never ever cheated and the more I bring it up, the more angry he gets and says that he always has to hear about how I think he cheats on me all the time and he's tired of it.

I don't know if it's jealousy on my part or what, but he is a friendly guy (in my eyes especially to other girls) and it drives me nuts. We start counseling on Monday and I'm hoping to God it helps because I really do love him and want to be with him.

I guess my question is...will my gut feeling ever go away? I'm so anxious for our counseling session on Monday that I'm basically going stir crazy over this whole situation.

Please help!!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

If he hasn't cheated, then he should greet your insecurities with a little more care and less anger, unless you are really bugging the $hit out of him.

Its very common for people who are cheating to get angry with you for wanting to discuss it. Its kind of a bullying tactic - they are hoping you'll just drop it.

This alone doesn't mean he's cheating, but I'd take it as a bad sign.

Also - I've been suprised at just how accurate that feeling in my gut has been at times.

Stop asking him about cheating, but keep your eyes and ears opened - stay on alert.


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## lovehurts (Feb 24, 2010)

To be honest, I do bug him about it A LOT...but it is something that really worries me and I think about all the time.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

But do you have reason to suspect him of cheating? Or is this based on your own insecurities?


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

alot of time, from my experience your head always knows before your heart does.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

It would help to know the reasons that have made you feel this way.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

lovehurts said:


> To be honest, I do bug him about it A LOT...but it is something that really worries me and I think about all the time.


 Then quit treating HIM like dirt, when YOU are the problem.

If you can't control yourself, remove yourself from the equation and get help - professional therapy - for your low self esteem so that you stop trying to control other people.


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## Banff (Feb 8, 2010)

Work out a plan with him to help prove his honesty. A good relationship should be completly open about things like email, phones, etc. If these things keep coming up ok it should start building trust within you. Maybe this will help. 

Talk with him about about how you feel. But like the others have said - also listen to your gut a little. If you have a legit reson to be nervous - there may actually be a reason. As someone who was in denial for nearly a year - but had a gut feeling that all was not right the whole time - your gut is often times right. Its some kind of balance, don't be paranoid but don't be a fool, work on this trust issue and work on building a strong relationship. As the saying goes - the best defense is a strong offense. And the best offense in marriage is a terrific relationship with your spouse. 

Good luck.


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## MrsInPain (Feb 5, 2010)

Like others, I'd like to know WHY you feel he is cheating. I know plenty of "friendly" men who are completely faithful. My H isn't even that much of a flirt and he cheated several times.

Basically, we need background details to give you support. 

If you have NO evidence (no specific women he is particularly close to, texts, emails, online profiles, etc) then you may be the problem.

My best friend has had obsessive thoughts about her all of her boyfriends (since high school) cheating on her, for no reason. She just gets these intense feelings and constant thoughts... turns out she was diagnosed with mild O.C.D. 

So... not that I'm hoping you have O.C.D., I hope it is just your thoughts causing this problem and is actually NOT cheating on you. God help you if he is, because that's an extremely painful thing to go through!


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