# Newly married



## Aasin (Oct 6, 2018)

Hi guys. Thank you creating a website such as this one. I had joined some Facebook Relationship groups, but I found them all very unreliable, and many people not serious on them so I decided to join this group. A little bit about me. I am 29 years ago, and got married last May. Before meeting my wife four years ago I never thought I would have gotten married. I was a bit of a womanizer before that more because of a lack of any serious hope for a relationship than anything else. Now I am happily married. Of course all relationships have their problems so I wanted to join this website just for that. Thak you for having me.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

What's going on in your marriage?

I mean, there must be something that prompted you to join marriage forums on the internet?


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## Aasin (Oct 6, 2018)

Having some issues with my wife, and where we. She hates where we live despite it being a pretty big city. I wanted to actually post in the men's forum about it. When will I be allowed to make original posts here?


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## Aasin (Oct 6, 2018)

I will post my issue here since I cannot post in the other forum as of yet. 


I have been married to my wife since last May. Our relationship is great except for one thing. She despises where we live. We live in a mid sized city, but she hates it here, and wants to move to one of the biggest cities in the country. The thing is though is that I want to buy a home here since it is actually affordable. If we moved no way would we ever be able to afford a home. I have told my wife, but she absolutely despises this place. I want to own a home so that we can have a place for when we have kids but she doesn't seem to care about that. She says this place is boring and not cultured. I find this reason ridiculous but I feel as though things are only going to get worse once I do find a good place to live in this city. Finding a well paying job like I have now is almost impossible as well so we'd be living much less comfortable than we do now. My wife wouldn't even need to work if she didn't want to where we currently are. I cannot in good conscience throw away the opportunity to be a homeowner just for her to be around "cultured" people.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Aasin said:


> I will post my issue here since I cannot post in the other forum as of yet.
> 
> 
> I have been married to my wife since last May. Our relationship is great except for one thing. She despises where we live. We live in a mid sized city, but she hates it here, and wants to move to one of the biggest cities in the country. The thing is though is that I want to buy a home here since it is actually affordable. If we moved no way would we ever be able to afford a home. I have told my wife, but she absolutely despises this place. I want to own a home so that we can have a place for when we have kids but she doesn't seem to care about that. She says this place is boring and not cultured. I find this reason ridiculous but I feel as though things are only going to get worse once I do find a good place to live in this city. Finding a well paying job like I have now is almost impossible as well so we'd be living much less comfortable than we do now. My wife wouldn't even need to work if she didn't want to where we currently are. I cannot in good conscience throw away the opportunity to be a homeowner just for her to be around "cultured" people.


Perhaps you could move to an alternative city? Not the one she has in mind, but one that's reasonably affordable, and contains an amount of "culture"? A compromise between your two preferences.

What is your wife like? Does she treat you well? Or is she demanding and entitled?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

@BioFury has a good idea. Perhaps compromise would be most helpful. 

I am not familiar with opportunities in Russia, but it is a huge place. Often a city with universities has more cultural opportunities and excellent job offerings. Is there family to be considered? Do you come from very different backgrounds? If your wife is bored, she may be more content working currently since you do not have a home or children.


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## Aasin (Oct 6, 2018)

We live in the third largest city in the country. Only St. Petersburg and Moscow are bigger so no other city immediately comes to mind which could be an alternative. Why wife and I get along but she has always been one to complain. Russians in general like to complain, but never do anything about it. My wife also waits until the last minute to do things also. We get along because I on the other hand am pretty content with life, and don't get angry easily. It is a weird combination.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I don't know much about Russia, but in the US it has been my experience that every city above a certain size has cultural opportunities if you look for them. As someone said, a city with a university or near a technology center. I think, though, that your wife probably has her mind set on moving and if you don't find another city (perhaps a compromise as someone suggested), she might come to feel like you are holding her back.

As far as the complaining goes - this is a habit, and a bad one. Complaining does not one thing to further your position, your tolerance or you options. It's a poison the sickens everyone who hears it. If you happen to be Christian, the Bible is pretty clear that we should not complain, and the reason is that it causes damage and it discourages. Be very frank with you wife about how her complaining makes you feel. You don't have to simply tolerate it because you are easy going. You won't be that way forever with a complaining wife. Figure out strategies to re-direct her. For example, let her have her say, but then point out the positive. She'll catch on.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Well, if Wikipedia is true, it's not the population that's the issue but the location. Novosibirsk (?) is in Siberia... 

(At least you're close to my s-wife's country ). 

Here's my take on this. Forget the house. Do your best to move to Moscow or St Petersburg... Not because the wife wants it but because that's where the action is, career wise etc. Depends on what you and the wife do for a living of course. Can you readily find work elsewhere?

I say forget the house because my parents made the same choice in the 1960s, moving from the middle of nowhere to a big capital in Europe (a stone's throw from the USSR incidentally). We grew up in a tiny apartment and loved it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Somethign seems off with your wife's desire to move to a big city, so I have some questions.

Has your wife ever lived in Moscow or St. Petersburg? Is her desire to move based on some pipe dream or is it based on a life style that she was used to?

Where were you and your wife living before you married, when you dated? Was it in the city where you live now?

How long did you date your wife before you married her?

How old are the two of you?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Aasin said:


> We live in the third largest city in the country. Only St. Petersburg and Moscow are bigger so no other city immediately comes to mind which could be an alternative. Why wife and I get along but she has always been one to complain. Russians in general like to complain, but never do anything about it. My wife also waits until the last minute to do things also. We get along because I on the other hand am pretty content with life, and don't get angry easily. It is a weird combination.


I think there is a lot to be said for living in a place that suits you and different people want very different things. But - if you're already in the third largest city in the country, I seriously doubt her life experience is really going to be very different in the other one. Add to that the propensity for complaining and I fear for you that if you did move, all the things you are concerned about wold come to pass, AND she would soon be just as unhappy and complaining about something new.

I was thinking your situation was doomed, but I have an idea - what does your wife like to do that is "cultured" or whatever? Do you have any good friends or family in your current city?

Can you find some things she would enjoy and start doing them and try to strengthen relationships you have with other couples? If you don't have good friends, can you try to make friends with people who like to do some of the things your wife would find "cutured"? 

Your goal is to get your wife feeling "rooted" and "important/needed" in your current city where she won't _*want *_to leave because it would mean giving up her friends and current activities. 

I don't know what that might be, but maybe there are groups that go to museums or plays or whatever. Maybe your wife could even start a group. One idea is getting involved with a charity organization for a cause that appeals to both of you. I don't know how these things work in Russia, but here in the US there are all kinds of things - helping animals, teaching people to read, raising money for the arts, music in schools, helping the orphans, etc. When you are involved in something like that they usually have fund raising events where they make you feel super important and special. It's all so cultured. (But be prepared to donate some money to the cause. But not as much as you'd spend/lose moving.) And you meet and get to know people who are into the cause whatever it is, and will want your wife's help, and suddenly she's be important and needed and a part of this cultured community...

Another idea is to take a "cultured" class if they have those things there. Learn to Dance, Art appreciation, fancy cooking, -- something that would appeal to her idea of cultured and put in proximity of other people who feel the same way so she can make friends she identifies with where you are and realize there is plenty of culture where you are that she won't want to miss out on!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

john117 said:


> Well, if Wikipedia is true, it's not the population that's the issue but the location. Novosibirsk (?) is in Siberia...
> 
> (At least you're close to my s-wife's country ).
> 
> ...


Good advice assuming HE also desires tho live "where the action is." Personally, a small apartment in a big city is the LAST place I would want to live. Noise, chaos, smells, people. All the people. Lack of space. Lack of peace. More noise. More smells. More people. So damn many people....


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## Aasin (Oct 6, 2018)

Thanks for the replies. I am writing on my phone so will try to answer the questions. My wife has never lived in Moscow or St. Petersburg whereas I have actually lived there. In my opinion it is a pipe dream. Moscow never sleeps, but that is not something to be proud of. She used to be in some fitness club, but has since stopped. On the weekends we usually spend our time together. I would like her to join another club although she has always been a bit anti-social. She cannot handle people for long periods of time. Yes we live in Novosibirsk. I really don't dream of living in Moscow in some small apartment renting when we can actually own a nice sized apartment here in our city. As I mentioned also a bigger apartment is important for whenever we have children. This problem worries me a lot because I feel like she acts like those forty year old women who still think they are twenty. She'll wake up one day and just go off to Europe or some nonsense with no plan. I've always made the decisions because she always has these pipe dreams in her mind.


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## Aasin (Oct 6, 2018)

Also forgot to mention I am 29 and my wife is 28. I could find work in Moscow, but the salary would not be as high as here in Novosibirsk.


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