# Ladies I need some strength



## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Okay I know you have seen me on here many times but I need some major advice. Hubby filed for Divorce on may 26th served me on July 4th and nothing has happened since. Well today I found out he has been seeing this other married girl and they have kissed. Well of coarse that hurt but so be it, Then tonight he was planning on taking our three little ones to an angel came just him and the kids then out of the blue he invites his mom and dad and the girl he is seeing and her mom. Hmmm I just don't think what he did was right, so my daughter refused to go since we aren't divorced yet and still live in the same house. but my boys wanted to to see the game. they are 8 and 6. Is it me or is introducing the kids to the girlfriend this early is wrong? I can't even imagen what my boys are thinking watching there dad hang out with another woman who isn't mom. please give me your advice. thanks


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

NO it isn't right! Even your children realized that...

What will he do when the divorce is final? Will he continue living in the same house?

That must be a really hurtful thing to know about and have it flaunted in your face. And in the fact of your children. They are naturally going to want to protect you. Can you discuss boundaries with your H?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

It sounds like a lot is going on. I don't know your entire situation, but if your estranged H's girlfriend is married, it doesn't exactly appear to be a desirable environment for impressionable children.


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## angryandfrustrated (Sep 12, 2009)

How did your daughter know that they werent just friends?


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## optimistvik (Aug 4, 2009)

kids cannot take in too much of frustrating issues at a time, so you better wait for you divorce and let the kids digest that first and then you can disclose other matters.


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

I'm so sorry Roxie

He is a ****

If you need to talk, I'm here for you

I just went thru the same thing with my soon-to-be-x wife.

I would usually say a witty line here but I am so sorry for you and your kids.


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Thanks for all your advice it really does help. He seems to do whatever he wants he just went to the beach with her and our kids last night but he swears they are just friends. and doesn't even touch her in front of the kids. This whole situation just sux so bad. I agree bringing other people in right now is not the best for our kids but he thinks nothings wrong with it.


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## keeper (Oct 5, 2009)

Please, for custody sake and your children... if a divorce is coming, document everything he does. Every phone call, every visit... everything. It helps in court when things get rough. I'm so sorry about your children having to put up with stuff he's doing and his "friend". I am re-married... however I have two children with my ex-husband. 

Maybe talking to your kids and helping them vent to you could help. They're probably going through a lot right now and need some help with how to react and what to think. Maybe you can have the court make daddy take parenting classes, and refuse to let the children with him if he is going to have his friend around. 

Good luck! If you need another mom to talk to PM me. I'm a great listener!


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

keeper said:


> Maybe talking to your kids and helping them vent to you could help. They're probably going through a lot right now and need some help with how to react and what to think. Maybe you can have the court make daddy take parenting classes, and refuse to let the children with him if he is going to have his friend around.


It is always smart to document things, but depending what state (state laws vary greatly) you are in and who the judge is (each judge has their own standards), they may or may not be allowed to dictate to a parent who they can have around, unless there are over night visits and the "friend" stays the night. 

Good luck, as these things are never easy.


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## alytamave (Oct 2, 2009)

That is awful. While a divorce is happening, it is really confusing for the kids, painful, and so many other feelings are going on in their little heads and hearts. What makes it even more confusing is that you're still living together. You have to be the strong one right now and protect your children. You cannot allow him to bring his married mistress around them. Tell him that he will NOT be able to see them if he is with her. If he loves his children, he should be able to do what's best for them. He's screwing with their heads. The last thing you want your boys (especially) to see is that fathers can be with other woman while they're still living with their wife. They don't understand the process of divorce at this age. Do whatever you need to do to protect your children and make them feel safe. 
I'm sorry that you're going through this. There is no easy way around it


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## SusanKay (Oct 6, 2009)

To prevent our lives from taking on more stress than necessary, it is helpful to keep in mind that the only one we can control is ourselves.

You can't control your husband's activities or what he does in the future. The good news is you can make choices for your best interest and by making good decisions about your life, your children's life will improve as well.

Talk to your children - alot. Explain (over and over) what is going on and _leave the negativity out_. Make it easier for them to digest what's going on. When they are older, they can make judgments themselves.

Right this moment, only your own action will help you get on with your life.

Ask yourself "What is the best thing for me and my children right now". Then put some action behind your words if you want your life to change.


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