# OMG WHat does he want?



## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Okay I have a situation here. I have been married almost 9 years and have 4 kids. My marriage isn't that great right now and my husband is leading me to believe he is cheating. Right now he is driving to Arizona with his friend that is getting married tomorrow and then flying home Sunday night. That is all great and I am hoping that is what is really going on but I don't know. So here it goes two days ago I checked his cell phone records and saw that he was talking to his ex girlfriend again he hadn't told me he was talking to her so I was mad. I called him and confronted him and he did deny it. But we started arguing and things got real bad he told me I was physco and he couldn't do this anymore and not to call him at work and hung up. So I took it that he wanted OUT....... I went online and found the courthouse where you file papers called him back and said, okay I am DONE TOO... This is what I want 50/50 custody, you can go to vegas and Arizona an when you get back we will go file papers. I also told him I was going to move into our daughters room, didn't feel like sleeping in the same bed was right anymore. Well he just yelled at me and said don't call me. So then I found out you could file online so I called him back and told him I could file today right now and got no response. So that night he came home around 12am and I was asleep on an air mattress in our daughters room, he came in and stepped on the bed and said, "this is how its going to end." So I got up and started talking to him and he never said he wanted a divorce. But he said he was DONE so I would just assume. So we fought I went back to bed and he kept calling my name so I came into the room and he asked what i was doing I said going to sleepl have to get up early, he said just sleep in here, when I got in the bed he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. Now he hasn't touched me that way in 4 months so why now. Can anyone please give me some advice, I am so lost, his actions say he is cheating, he acts like he wants out but when I say lets do it, he doesn't act on it. I have a very hard time trusting since he has left the marriage before, someone please help.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Maybe he lost his way, but I do not have enough information to undestand for sure. It would be my opinion to try counciling instead of making a major decision in the heat of anger.

draconis


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Hi *roxiehart*

Have you given your Husband any reason why he should go elsewhere? Withholding sex, playing games, just not having it or is the quality lacking in some way, are you selfish in bed, do only what you want to do and nothing else, is he unhappy with your appearance?

Any one of these things can lead to infidelity. Heck sometime just being board is reason enough for some people.

Your husband doesn't want a divorce, obviously, and you probably just jumped to that option out of frustration because you husband was done arguing with you and you weren't done/satisfied yet.

If he has a history of cheating then you have full right to scrutinize as much as you want to make yourself feel better. Hire a private investigator to track him or do it yourself (there are many ways you can do it yourself) and this will remove some of that doubt that lingers in the unknown.

Do be honest with your self though, if you are doing something that would make your man have a need to go elsewhere, denying or ignoring it will do no one any good.

Also be careful with the using threats to get what you want, it does work but only for a little while. It breads resentment and will only push him deeper into the shadows and give him more justification to do you wrong in return, trust me of that one.


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Yes to answer your questions we haven't had sex in 4 months do to his schedule not that I haven't wanted to. He always so mad at me for the littlest thing. Its like no matter what I do I can't please him. He wants this perfect wife and I am far from perfect. So should I just back off and see what happens when he comes home on Sunday?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Both of you should cool your heels over the weekend and see what Sunday brings. After a couple good nights’ sleep and some time apart you may have a different perspective and be able to communicate better. Good luck


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Yes that is what I am going to do. I havent even called him since he has been gone, just giving him his space. thanks for all your advice it really helps.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Men are like this.. think you will take all their crap, and then when you have one foot out the door, here comes the attention. I'm sorry to say this, but going w/o sex for 4 month, something is wrong here.
He does come home from work, and has had some down time in those 4 months, didn't he? Usualy when they don't want to touch you, they are touching someone else. Also, they start looking at you as less than perfect, and find everything wrong with what you say and do. I wouldn't act so happy to see him on Sunday and that you had a good time w/o him. Go out and do something than staying at home wondering what he is doing. How come you are not going with him? Is it because he didin't want to take you with him? Anyway, I wouldn't act like you missed him one bit. Seems to me as long as you let your husband have his cake and eat it too, he will.
Saying you are leaving or going to file papers, only will get you a little attention from him. Why don't you shock him and file papers and let him know you are not just crying wolf here, you mean what you say. 
Empty threats will get you nowhere with him. This will make him think big time, and if he is seeing another woman, is she really worth losing his family over? Maybe it will change for the better, maybe not, but either way, you will find out. You can either do nothing and everything stay the same, or beat him at his little game. If anything, it will give you back your peace of mind.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Honey said:


> Men are like this.. think you will take all their crap, and then when you have one foot out the door, here comes the attention.


Thanks Honey. Didn't know, like all other men I was like this.


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

HOney,I am not going with him because I have to work and someone needs to take care of the kids. He isn't the kind of guy to sleep around never even had a one night stand but your right I should just forget about him this weekend and have fun with my kids they are what matter most. thanks for your advice.


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Sorry she put you in this catagory


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

I would like to hear what your husband has to say because at times you get so different of a version. I'm not sure what you may have been doing to drive him away and neglect you like that. But whatever it was the shock of you agreeing to divorce has given him a reality check.

Use this time to repair the relationship and be honest with your part in all this.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

I'm confused *roxiehart*, you said;



> Its like no matter what I do I can't please him.


but just before that you said;



> we haven't had sex in 4 months


So your doing everything to please him except for the one thing that would make any man happy and less stressed, sex...

I think that might be your problem right there.

You wonder why;



> He always so mad at me for the littlest thing.


No sex will do that to a man. I'm always on edge and quick to snap at my Wife when I haven't had it in a while, after 4 months I think that the irritability can be called straight up hatred and resentment.

And just so you ladies know, not giving it to us for long periods of time is what makes us take a long hard look at just how not special your sex is opposed to any other girls sex.

Think of it this way, would you pay designer purse price for a cheap knock-off? And wouldn't you get mad if you bought an expensive purse and later found out that it was cheap useless garbage that you could get on any street corner?

Think about it, are you truly worth all the trouble that you are giving your man or are you pushing it?


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Okay I have made advances towards but he always says he's tired or not tonight. So I can't give him sex if he pushes me away every time I try to get close to him. I am not withholding its just he never seems to be in the mood. And when we are having sex its great he has never ever complained about it. but all of a sudden it just stopped. So how can I jump start it again. I had gained some weight but now with all the stress I have lost like 12 pounds my clothes fit better. Last week I had on this skimpy little outfit when he came to bed but nothing no interset at all. He just said the next day I liked your outfit. So from a mans point of view what in the helll am I doing wrong?


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

Brad, THanks so much for your advice. I am taking this time to do things to fix our marriage while he is gone. I don't want to leave him I just want us to be happy together and not fight so much. It seems no matter what I do we argue about it. I want him to realize what he has to lose if this does happen. thanks again


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> Thanks Honey. Didn't know, like all other men I was like this.


Ok, maybe I should have said most men. Feel better now?


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## roxiehart (Aug 30, 2008)

much better thanks


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

roxiehart said:


> Okay I have made advances towards but he always says he's tired or not tonight. So I can't give him sex if he pushes me away every time I try to get close to him. I am not withholding its just he never seems to be in the mood. And when we are having sex its great he has never ever complained about it. but all of a sudden it just stopped. So how can I jump start it again. I had gained some weight but now with all the stress I have lost like 12 pounds my clothes fit better. Last week I had on this skimpy little outfit when he came to bed but nothing no interset at all. He just said the next day I liked your outfit. So from a mans point of view what in the helll am I doing wrong?


You dress sexy and still nothing? :scratchhead: Maybe his Charlie died or he has brainfarts. Ask him is he having trouble in
that area, and does his charlie needs a jump start, or does he need the magic bill? You ask how can you jump start him. Hun, the way you just talked about him being, I don't even think a bj will help him.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

roxiehart said:


> HOney,I am not going with him because I have to work and someone needs to take care of the kids. He isn't the kind of guy to sleep around never even had a one night stand but your right I should just forget about him this weekend and have fun with my kids they are what matter most. thanks for your advice.


You're welcome and kids do matter the most. Take your kids to a fun place.


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