# What to do?



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

So I’ve been really contemplating on moving out of state with my daughter. And I can there is no case with me and her father and I have no family here, the economy is bad, I hate the cold. I would be moving to be with my boyfriend of six months yes that’s not long at all but the economy is so much better and it would be a new start. I just don’t want my daughter to resent me for this. She is about to be seven and I’m 100 percent sure this would be good for her yes it will be scary to. She would be away from everything she knows including her dad and his family. But overall it would be better. Her father is constantly pawning her off on others so he can do whatever he pleases. He doesn’t help her with her homework. He puts things in her head like I’m going to leave her and that I don’t love her no more. Hell will give her food in her bedroom while he sits in the front room watching his inappropriate shoes smoking his pot. He gets stupid drunk where he isn’t even from this planet. She’s told me he has hit her in the back of her head and told her not to breathe. Now the man I’m with she absolutely adores and he adores her. I just want me and her to have a better life without her hating me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Life is an adventure.

Smoking pot with her dad! 

Yes move away!
But mybe get your own place. Not just moving in with a botfriend of only 6 months.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I had one job that I quit and refused another job because they both wanted me to relocate, but no way was I going to move my daughter away from her father. You can make him appear useless in her life, but he's still her father no matter what, and children need their dad. Make your decisions based on what is best without trying to vilify him to justify yourself. Also, don't use the economy to justify your decisions either. If it is seriously so bad where you live, why didn't you move away for a better life before meeting this man? 

But since you are moving to be with him, at least go about it the right way. Find a job and your own place to live first. You will be in the same area to conduct your relationship as you please, but you won't be subjecting yourself and your daughter to the biggest mistake of your life second only to choosing to be with and having a child with a guy you described like that.

Make smart decisions and go about doing them the right way.


----------



## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

OP....you are certainly phrasing things a lot differently than in your thread from a couple of weeks ago. FWIW...,anyone interested in replying to this thread should read the last for background.

OP....the responses to your last thread were spot on. This guy lives in your state, michigan, not texas where his ex wife has full custody. And you supposedly have 50 50 custody with your ex partner. And you have known this guy for only 6 months. 

The both of you moving that far with such a short term relationship poses many many likely perils. And your child is a pawn in all this. The folks in the last thread pointed out what a mistake this would be. Leaving out facts is the primary reason advice on this thread is different so far.



Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

oneMOreguy said:


> OP....you are certainly phrasing things a lot differently than in your thread from a couple of weeks ago. FWIW...,anyone interested in replying to this thread should read the last for background.
> 
> OP....the responses to your last thread were spot on. This guy lives in your state, michigan, not texas where his ex wife has full custody. And you supposedly have 50 50 custody with your ex partner. And you have known this guy for only 6 months.
> 
> The both of you moving that far with such a short term relationship poses many many likely perils. And your child is a pawn in all this. The folks in the last thread pointed out what a mistake this would be. Leaving out facts is the primary reason advice on this thread is different so far.


So she posted again to spin the details differently?


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Don't move in with this guy!! Find your own place-- your daughter needs to feel comfortable in her own home. Not so sure I would trust a guy I've been dating for 6 months with my daughter whether he's in state or not...


----------



## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

StarFires said:


> So she posted again to spin the details differently?


I would say was that the prior thread was before she pretty much made up her mind about moving. I understand that this is a tough decision for her, and she would like to find some external validation. But she and child would be making such a leap of faith to be with a guy who willingly moved so far away from his own children, and apparently now wants to be around them. Lots of risks for everyone in this deal. 

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You have no right to move your child away from her father, her grandparents. None. 

That is a disgusting thing to do, to both your daughter and to her father.

Shame on you for even considering it.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

If you have no custody agreement legally in place and her father is basically a lying, neglectful, pothead drunk who occasionally smacks her in the head for breathing and pawns her off on others, why have you been leaving her with him at all??? First you chose this POS as father and then you failed to protect your child from him.


----------



## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> If you have no custody agreement legally in place and her father is basically a lying, neglectful, pothead drunk who occasionally smacks her in the head for breathing and pawns her off on others, why have you been leaving her with him at all??? First you chose this POS as father and then you failed to protect your child from him.


Or she fell in love with a new guy after a week of texting, and now 6 months later, is desparate to justify moving out of state with new guy without feeling guilty. Previous threads don't show her ex to be wonderful, but mention none of these type of misdeeds. Based on how quickly she became infatuated with new guy, I worry how easily that flame could extinguish, since obviously they don't have a lot of time together to really know each other. But I doubt any of our opinions matter....she seems determined.

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

oneMOreguy said:


> Or she fell in love with a new guy after a week of texting, and now 6 months later, is desparate to justify moving out of state with new guy without feeling guilty. Previous threads don't show her ex to be wonderful, but mention none of these type of misdeeds. Based on how quickly she became infatuated with new guy, I worry how easily that flame could extinguish, since obviously they don't have a lot of time together to really know each other. But I doubt any of our opinions matter....she seems determined.
> 
> Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


^^My money's on this.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Don't move your daughter for a boyfriend of 6 months. I know you think you are in true love, but if it doesn't work out, your poor daughter lost 2 dads.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

brokengrl86 said:


> So I’ve been really contemplating on moving out of state with my daughter. And I can there is no case with me and her father and I have no family here, the economy is bad, I hate the cold. I would be moving to be with my boyfriend of six months yes that’s not long at all but the economy is so much better and it would be a new start. I just don’t want my daughter to resent me for this. She is about to be seven and I’m 100 percent sure this would be good for her yes it will be scary to. She would be away from everything she knows including her dad and his family. But overall it would be better. Her father is constantly pawning her off on others so he can do whatever he pleases. He doesn’t help her with her homework. He puts things in her head like I’m going to leave her and that I don’t love her no more. Hell will give her food in her bedroom while he sits in the front room watching his inappropriate shoes smoking his pot. He gets stupid drunk where he isn’t even from this planet. She’s told me he has hit her in the back of her head and told her not to breathe. Now the man I’m with she absolutely adores and he adores her. I just want me and her to have a better life without her hating me.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Why on EARTH would you even dip into such an incredibly shallow end of the gene pool in the first place? If this loser were my kid's father, I'd tell him his father was a dead war hero rather than subject him to this drunken degenerate.

I'm always amazed by women who waste their time with miscreants like this, are foolish enough to get pregnant by them, then wonder WHY he's not Father of the Year when the kid comes along. It's NOT rocket science.

I'd move on and not think twice about it. If Father of the Year is coherent enough to notice she's missing and he actually gives a rat's ass that she's gone (my money is on him not even noticing for a couple of months) then maybe he'll take some his pot and whiskey money and put it toward a custody lawyer. But honestly, you probably have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than you do of him actually getting off his worthless ass and doing anything about it.


----------



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

You want to move your daughter from Michigan to Texas for a man that you have known for 6 months? How well can you know him with all that distance? i think it is an extremely stupid thing to do. Deal with your ex husband's behavior. Go for full custody if you need to . The answer to this situation is not with a man in Texas.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm always amazed by women who waste their time with miscreants like this,


Actually that pattern is the basis of my emergency life plan should I wind up divorced or widowered.


----------



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

oneMOreguy said:


> OP....you are certainly phrasing things a lot differently than in your thread from a couple of weeks ago. FWIW...,anyone interested in replying to this thread should read the last for background.
> 
> OP....the responses to your last thread were spot on. This guy lives in your state, michigan, not texas where his ex wife has full custody. And you supposedly have 50 50 custody with your ex partner. And you have known this guy for only 6 months.
> 
> ...




Not trying to leave out facts, I have another post. Just want to do what’s right for me and my daughter. Right now there is no case for my daughter so I could do this. Not saying it's right and that I should by any means. But I know if I stay my daughters dad is going to do everything he can to make my life a living hell and just the way he is trying to bring her up isn't right. I wouldn't keep her from him at all but there is nothing here no family, can't find a decent job to do it all on my own. Why not start all over? I'm already doing so but I would have a better opportunity


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

And yes I've only known my boyfriend for six months very true. But we live together and have been with each other every day pretty much since we met. My daughter is with me every other week and is around my boyfriend. He is very good to her and to me. A hell of a lot better than when I was with her father. And yes I should have left a long time ago, but when you are going through any kind of abuse women tend to get scared for many reasons. Which I did and was. And my boyfriend didn't move here to be away from his girls. It was only supposed to be temporary because of family issues here. And yes he gave his ex full custody because at the time he thought that was the right thing to do. They are girls and need their mother for things he has no idea about. Yes he knows now and has known that he should have fought for 50/50 but he didn't want to put them through that whole fight. I feel in my heart and soul that this is the right decision. There is nothing here, I have a job where I'm getting 16 hours a week. How am I supposed to make it? And I now have a second job on the way. I have no family or friends here for support being a single mother. He is everything I have ever wanted and more, the way he is with my daughter is amazing. Her father is always yelling, bribing her and rewarding her for every single thing you could think of. Than she tells me he tells her not to breathe or has smacked her in the back of the head with a hair brush and when I confront him he denies it. I just want what's best for her and I and that is far away from here. Yes he is her father and I keep her away or am trying to replace him by no means but she would be better off with me


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jewels465 (Nov 20, 2014)

I don’t even need any of the other facts to think it’s a VERY BAD idea. 

Never move in with any guys you have only been with for 6mos. Especially, don’t move your daughter in either. The likelihood of abuse goes up a considerable amount when they are moved with a non biological male. Not saying he would abuse her, but you really don’t know him good enough yet to even know that for sure. 
God Bless you and your daughter. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

frusdil said:


> You have no right to move your child away from her father, her grandparents. None.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Shane on me for not wanting subject her to that kind of lifestyle? I think it's shameful to continue allowing it


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

jewels465 said:


> I don’t even need any of the other facts to think it’s a VERY BAD idea.
> 
> Never move in with any guys you have only been with for 6mos. Especially, don’t move your daughter in either. The likelihood of abuse goes up a considerable amount when they are moved with a non biological male. Not saying he would abuse her, but you really don’t know him good enough yet to even know that for sure.
> God Bless you and your daughter.
> ...








Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

brokengrl86 said:


> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




I've been with Jim every day since we met and he has been loving with me since November while my daughter is with me. I think it's safe to say I do know him. And children can pick up on bad people sometimes before even we can.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

brokengrl86 said:


> I've been with Jim every day since we met and he has been loving with me since November while my daughter is with me. I think it's safe to say I do know him. And children can pick up on bad people sometimes before even we can.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Sure but you don’t know him well since you’ve only known him for 6 months. 

Moving to protect your daughter is different from moving to be with your boyfriend. You’re not getting much support because most posters assume the later. 

Good luck!


----------



## cj2011 (Aug 4, 2017)

Ms. Hawaii said:


> Sure but you don’t know him well since you’ve only known him for 6 months.
> 
> Moving to protect your daughter is different from moving to be with your boyfriend. You’re not getting much support because most posters assume the later.
> 
> Good luck!




6 months is just time. Sometimes you can know somebody your whole life and than something happens. If and when I move I'm not doing it just to be with him, I would be doing it to protect my daughter. Get her away from this lifestyle and to better me and her lives. But I thank you. And I appreciate all the feedback. Gives me a lot to think about 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

