# Why do they get mean?



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

I have another post on here but wanted to post this question/comment separately...

I am 2 weeks away from moving into my apartment- he ended our 10 year relationship... Why is he being so nasty, mean, giving me the silent treatment? This wasn't my choice to end it, but it was my choice to get out due to the treatment, screaming, yelling etc that he is doing. 

This has been going on for a month when he kicked me out the first time then changed his mind.

He never did show any affection or discussed "us" when he asked me back.

Now all the sudden, he tells me to get away, leave him alone, don't touch me, etc.

Who can live like that?

Why do they get mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IdleTuesday (Nov 30, 2011)

Hi, I'm new here. My husband of 8 years dropped the divorce bomb on me days ago. I have an 8-year old son.

My husband began doing the same thing. Being distant and oh so cold. Wouldn't admit he wanted me to leave. Finally I sat him down and he DID say he wanted me to leave but it was my fault because of how I was acting after he said he was no longer in love with me.

I believe he was trying to push me away without having to ask me to leave so he could tell himself, "she left.... I didn't ask her to leave." and thus avoid the guilt.

It sounds as if you may be going through something similar. My husband keeps saying I'm making him do things, making him angry, being resentful (I'm not I understand why he wants me to leave) and will then apologize in the next breath.

I believe they know they are going against their values but aren't as in touch with their feelings to handle it in a healthy way. I may be wrong, just my opinion.


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Its horrible living like this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear of it. He treats u poorly because he needs to justify in his mind why he is ending it....meaning if he is mean to you it reinforces he doesn't want to be w you. Ya its really messed up. Did he give u silent treatments a lot throughout ur marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Because they don't want to feel guilty. They want to ignore the issues.


----------



## IdleTuesday (Nov 30, 2011)

I wish I had encouraging words for you but I don't even know what to say to myself 

In marriage, two become one. In divorce the one body is ripped in half - flesh, organs, bones and all. Then you bleed. Then you wait in pain until you heal unless gangrene sets in. IDK if new appendages are grown, or if we get used to hopping on one leg. That is how I feel at least.


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

IdleTuesday said:


> I wish I had encouraging words for you but I don't even know what to say to myself
> 
> In marriage, two become one. In divorce the one body is ripped in half - flesh, organs, bones and all. Then you bleed. Then you wait in pain until you heal unless gangrene sets in. IDK if new appendages are grown, or if we get used to hopping on one leg. That is how I feel at least.


WEll said!! Thats how I feel too. Mine has been giving me the silent treatment today too.

WE are seperated and its set for divorce. WE have been talking about reconsilation and had some good ups lately, but last nihgt turned for the worst because I'm jealous of a girl posting on his wall that she misses him and that she hopes to see him son. 

Today is our first MC during this seperation, so maybe my husband is feeling guilt and fear for these things too?


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry to hear of it. He treats u poorly because he needs to justify in his mind why he is ending it....meaning if he is mean to you it reinforces he doesn't want to be w you. Ya its really messed up. Did he give u silent treatments a lot throughout ur marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes- throughout all the years, there were definitely times of silent treatment. Usually to end those, I had to apologize to end them. I did it to make peace.

He is being so cold. How can I sit here and cry, barely function while trying to pack and he is talking and texting his friends, out fishing? 

When I asked him yesterday morning with tears streaming down my face, why he hated me so much? All he said was that he doesn't hate me.

I am beyond grief stricken. I feel as if I am going to lose my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

I hope just once, after I move out, that he will think about me and miss me.

Do they generally do this?

We went from a good relationship to ending abruptly.

I also like that fact that he is doing this to me right before Christmas! My next whole paycheck has to go for the apartment rent and my car payment- it will leave me NOTHING for gifts for my kids. So that is also weighing me down. He knows how important Christmas has always been to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

IdleTuesday said:


> I wish I had encouraging words for you but I don't even know what to say to myself
> 
> In marriage, two become one. In divorce the one body is ripped in half - flesh, organs, bones and all. Then you bleed. Then you wait in pain until you heal unless gangrene sets in. IDK if new appendages are grown, or if we get used to hopping on one leg. That is how I feel at least.


So true!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

