# What a mess !



## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

*What a mess! Please help..*

After a 26 year marriage, I jumped into another one too quick with a woman many years younger than me. After 19 months of arguing and fighting she left. Our arguments mostly was about her not giving me hardly any attention and her wanting to do her own thing. I caught her in an emotional affair texting a guy after six months of marriage. She finally broke it off. She would go out to clubs dressed provocatively and dance with other guys @ a salso club. She defended it because it was salsa. Didn't matter to me. 99% of most guys don't care about dancing. I know what they're after. She loved attention from everyone else and is very selfish. All this said, I still am in love with her.

She left me in February and wanted to date exclusively while working on the marriage. I couldn't understand how you work on the marriage while separated. Things have gradually got worse because I would go out with her and try to win her back and she would push me away. Some good dates but mostly end up bad. 

She got a new job with a leadership role, newer car, new dog, nice apt., new computer... Everything is going her way. I tried two weeks of no contact and that seemed to make things worse. She complained that I didn't even check on her. We haven't had any sex at all except about two weeks into the separation and she just gives me a peck now when we do kiss.

I have made it plain I wanted to reconcile and told her what I wanted from her to no avail. She is confused I know but this is crazy. I came home the other day and my A/C was out @ home. I called her and found out she was going out with co-workers. I asked if I could tag along because it was hot in my house. She refused. Also after goig out to dinner together the previous night she wanted to end the "date" @ 10 pm. The co-worker night she was out until midnight.

Anyway, I finally gave her "the letter" of tough love as described by Dr. James Dobson that night. Basically said, I was tire of putting forth effort and her not trying and me being treated like crap.

She texted me begging for a week to "reflect" on things since she had been working many hours, stress, etc...I agreed to give her a week since I fiigured a week won't matter anyway. Since then she has texted me 3 times in three days. "How r u?" and crap. She can't stand but to reel me in and then lower the hammer on me.

UP and down , back and forth. She says she loves me but makes no effort when we're together. Why does she do this? Should I just say to heck with it? This back and forth is killing me. I know I can't take another three months of this. Any help / opinions would be welcome.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

You answered your own question..you jumped in too quick..my question is why would you want her back?..unless the tail is that good:scratchhead: (and I have yet to meet any that is)...she's playing you..right in your face..that young hottie you had jumped into it too soon also.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

*Honestly...*



2Daughters said:


> You answered your own question..you jumped in too quick..my question is why would you want her back?..unless the tail is that good:scratchhead: (and I have yet to meet any that is)...she's playing you..right in your face..that young hottie you had jumped into it too soon also.


I have asked myself the same question as to why I want her back. Maybe it's because at my age (55) I afraid of being alone. 
I really don't know. I mean I work out, have a good job and have been told I don't look my age but it's still there. One of my friends said that I shouldn't worry about it. "You got her didn't you?" She's 28.

She keeps reeling me in just to get hurt everytime. Really tired of it all.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Like that old song says..'you can use me till I'm all used up' 28?.awesome..1/2 your age...you're my hero:smthumbup:


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

Well, I can't believe I put myself in the situation. Used is exactly what I'm feeling now.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

I view the letter that you gave her might be a bad thing. Just ignore her text's and work on you. No need to tell her to pound sand or anything. just let it go. I bet she has someone keeping tabs on you. Give them a good show and start having fun again.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

Blacksmith01 said:


> I view the letter that you gave her might be a bad thing. Just ignore her text's and work on you. No need to tell her to pound sand or anything. just let it go. I bet she has someone keeping tabs on you. Give them a good show and start having fun again.


I'm hoping after nearly 8 years he has seen the error of his ways, and doubt she still loves him when he's 63!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You are suffering from doormatitus.

The only cure is filing for D and a hard no contact.

Have you ever took a good look at yourself and your actions?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Honestly...*



Tryinhard said:


> I have asked myself the same question as to why I want her back. Maybe it's because at my age (55) I afraid of being alone.
> I really don't know. I mean I work out, have a good job and have been told I don't look my age but it's still there. One of my friends said that I shouldn't worry about it. "You got her didn't you?" She's 28.
> 
> She keeps reeling me in just to get hurt everytime. Really tired of it all.


A marriage with a 27 year ago gap rarely works.You have little in common and are of a totally different generation. The difference will get more noticeable as you age, when you are old she will still be quite young and wanting to do things and get out and about. Do you honestly think she will want to share you life then?If you have health issues?

As you said you also jumped into a new relationship far too soon to fill the gap left by your divorce. Its usually best to wait 2 or 3 years before you even think of dating again. 
It may be advisable for you to think of what you would like to happen for the marriage to carry on and be strong about it. At the moment she is acting like a spoilt teenager not a married women nearing her 30's. Its hard to know if she will change but if you go distant and stop communicating with her she may come running, The you can see if she is going to make any effort and you can tell her what you would like to happen. If she keeps doing this then what is left really?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It's a zombie thread kids


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This thread is 7 years old, so it is









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