# Struggling with divorce (lengthy)



## Dani74 (Mar 20, 2019)

I have recently filed for divorce. My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years and married 3. 

I previously had 3 children. We together have one daughter age 7. I am 44 he is 49. I knew when I left and divorced my 1st husband that it was not meant to be. We had totally different cultures and it was not meshing. That one wasn’t so hard. I just wanted out. I let him have the house, and our then 4 year old son we decided to split the living arrangement. My now husband thinks since I did this with my 1st husband I should do it now. I met my husband shortly after the last divorce. 

He didn’t have a job, and he drank quite a bit. I let it go thinking “his wife just divorced him it will get better”. Well it didn’t. 

I worked my butt off to provide for my children. Him on the other hand stayed home with no job the next 9 years continued drinking. Odds and end jobs. I was laid off from my job in 2009. I went back to school for nursing. I became pregnant during this. He finally did get a job for a whole year. Quit to stay home with baby while I finished school. Well he stayed home 3 years total. Never got along with my other kids. Thought I let them do whatever they wanted. 

Finally he got a real job. Lasted a little over a year. He is a huge complainer that he worked all his life and his back hurt all the time and his asthma always acted up but would not see a doctor. He quit that job after several times calling in. Started a new one, got fired 1 month later. Stayed home another 6 months. I got him a job where I manage nursing staff. He worked 3 months found a new job. Fired after a month. Now months later he is back at my work in a maintenance position full time. He is kind of a humbug/hermit. Doesn’t like to go out,I am opposite. Would rather sit home and drink. 

I want to be with friends. Lazy lazy will lay around and watch tv and nap all day. I would be cleaning and he would not lift a finger. I have paid all bills for the last 14 years. On Valentines week he said “I am taking you out for valentines dinner”. But he invited my mother and child too. We never did anything alone. Then on that Thursday I had a few drinks with a few co-workers, he showed up and made himself one, stating he didn’t realize it was whiskey the next day. I always made sure he was up for work. I had myself to get up and ready, him, our daughter to get ready for school and she hates mornings, and let dogs out, trash out etc. 

That morning he didn’t come to work, I called no answer, I drove home he is sleeping. Finally at noon he comes and knew I was mad. He said it was all my fault he drank that whiskey. I had had it. I booked a hotel for my daughter and I where my oldest daughter goes to college and after work we left for the weekend. He tried calling I didn’t answer. He moved out of my moms that weekend went back home (we were selling ours so living with her at time). I filed for divorce on Feb 25th. Now he wants house, daughter like I did my 1st husband. NAme calling, drunk text, said i don’t deserve house. Remind you.. I have the loan and have made all payments and remodeling costs. I almost gave in, then got a lawyer after trying to do this on my own. He won’t let me give the house to him, said my daughter and I need that to start over. 

I agreed to $20,000. He is fighting me. He wants house and to pay no support for Daughter. Which he has a19 year old daughter hasn’t seen since divorce and refused to pay for her. Keeps texting me how horrible and dark I was during our marriage and it was all based on lies. He says he lived gods way and did everything right and I was evil. I have very little if no support right now. And working with him is wreaking havoc on my life. I just want this done to restart my life and relocate. I cry all the time when people aren’t around, but act all brave and good with things in front of everyone else. I’m a freaking mess.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Get a lawyer immediately. It doesn’t matter what he wants,a judge will decide what he gets.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I cannot believe you stayed married to this loser for this long. Surely you know that you deserve better! 

DO NOT let him have your home! YOU are the one who has been working for it, so dont let it go. He is unfit to have custody of your daughter, I have serious doubts that this will be an issue even if he tries to fight it. Anything he tries to get, make sure you fight harder for it, because he just hasnt earned it sitting on his ass all this time. I know it sucks that he works where you do, but you should know from past experience that if you just hang in there a bit, he will be gone before too long. 

Make sure you lawyer fights for you, you need to protect your daughter and everything YOU have worked for. I am sorry you are going through this, I am also sorry you didnt do it many years ago. A much better life is ahead for you!


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

I always try and keep lawyers out of every situation but it sounds like for you that would be the best route to take, you need to look after #1 which is YOU if your are good then you can look after your children also, does not sound like he is worth a am thing so do not expect him to be able to look after the kids , he cant even look after himself. Cut him off and out and Legally get everything you can. 

Also stop engaging with him, he sounds toxic and is bringing you down.


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