# Long EA story - but with lots of paragraph breaks !



## Dorrie (Nov 18, 2017)

I'm sure my tale is nothing new, but it's impossible for it to not take forever to tell. So. Get a beverage and snack and settle in, if you like long stories. 

While I was in the VA hospital, from yet another stay (I have heart disease, lung disease, and several problems stemming from those), an online acquaintance of my husband's advised him to flirt with my nurses, to get my medical status, since he didn't believe they were telling him everything. Said acquaintance (soon to be the AP) is just a lab tech at a hospital, not in any way a medical professional, doctor, or even a file clerk. Based on the info he gave her, she told him the VA sent me home to die. He told me I was dying, and I'd not spend a night alone until the end. 

I spent that night alone. He crept back into bed an hour before we were due to wake up. Guess he forgot that people who've just been told by their spouse of 19 years - together for 22 - that they're dying tend not to sleep. This was in April. By the end of May, it was apparent I was on the mend. I didn't know he'd begun an EA with her. They sexted and texted and messaged and phone-sex called each other - he sent over 3000 texts one month, when he normally only sends a few hundred - almost nonstop. I was focused on recovering and trying to keep the house and our autistic son up, so I had no clue. Also, due to my raft of meds and other circumstances, we hadn't had sex in a long time, and when we did, it was 45min. BJ's that he still didn't orgasm after. 

So perhaps it is my fault that I wasn't attentive enough, that he needed attention and praise from another. His AP's actually a lot like me, just healthier and a serial cheater. Yup, she's married, and has carried on numerous affairs even while she was cheating with my WS. He actually wrote Craigslist Personals ads while he was with us both, so I guess it can be said they both cheated on each other with each other. 

He told me she was crazy, and he'd broken off with her, weeks prior. I'd asked him if she was special to him, as he'd drawn a color portrait of her that she used in all her social media, something he hadn't done for me. He said no. I asked if the mystery package that arrived one day was her panties, he said no. I asked if he was in contact with her offline, he said no. I found the panties on his desk on my birthday. They're not my size. Found out later he'd spent over an hour on the phone with her that night, yes, on my birthday. He'd told me the panties were something she'd sent before he broke it off, he'd forgotten to throw them away. And I love him, so I believed. 

D-Day came on September 18th, otherwise known as Hell Monday. I was helping him repair a tire when several messages from AP blew up his phone. The one he wasn't in contact with anymore because she was crazy. One of the messages was an undeniable flirt with stuff only I should be referencing. He came (sort of) clean, yes, he was in contact with her, and yes, he was planning a trip to meet her for a weekend orgy. She was only going to pack negligees and food, so they wouldn't have to leave their little love nest for anything. I exploded. 

After weeks of suspicion, pain, and turmoil, I read all these lies he's told her about me, he's in love with her, they've sent nudes, she's his one perfect person, it's just a shame she can't be faithful. He's still in contact with her, she's texted that she loves him, forever. And he's damn near mourning and pining for her, a wife freakin' knows. A month after Hell Monday, he tells me he can't stand to see me in such pain and know he's caused it, and he doesn't like who he's become with her. So he's broken it off with her completely, told her he valued our marriage so please don't contact him again, erased all the programs they communicated with, dumped her number, blocked her and unfriended her. I could see some of it, so again, I believed. 

Then I checked our phone bill about two weeks after the cut-off. He called her, she called back, and they talked for nearly an hour. He made it all about me violating his privacy, because that was the only way to stop my screaming and crying. He swore to me that he was done, that conversation was the final blow, she tried to get him to participate in more phone sex despite his earlier cut-off. Then he realized how little she meant to him, how little she respected him, when she started to tell him about her other boy-toys when he wouldn't participate. And I believed him. 

I think you know what happened today. Yup. His AP texted, 'She goes with you to job sites ? That sucks !'. I'd just returned from going with WH to work, he got me to cancel a therapy appointment so we could have some couple time. He says he just told her we'd spent the morning together. But I thought he went NC a month ago ! He'd erased everything. . . except Kik. He got both barrels from me this time, I didn't hold back in letting him know how this has destroyed me - again ! He says he 'went nuclear' and ended things - which I thought he'd already done - and erased Kik and blocked her. 

I honestly don't know what to believe anymore. I know many more have gone through much worse here, but I'm devastated. And, heaven help me, I still love him.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

When people show you who the really are you have to believe them. Why do you keep falling for the same old song and dance. People only treat you how you let them. Is your health so bad you have no choice but to stay with him?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Cheaters cheat and lie, that's what they do. Don't believe a word he says and kick his sorry ass to the curb.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You have given him many chances and each time he lies and deceives you all over again. He clearly isn't to be trusted, yet you carry on believing his lies. 
Either you carry on living this miserable awful life, or you get out.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

They deserve each other. Let him go and start anew if your health allows and you're able.

If I read this right (he was with her the night they sent you home and said you were dying?) lowest of the low.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

So what do you want to do? What are you going to do? It’s an endless cycle: you catching him, him saying he’ll cut it off, then you find out he’s still at it. Rinse, lather, repeat. Is this the kind of marriage you want to be in for the rest of your life? Do you really want to stay with someone who continues to disrespect you even at your lowest point at health?

You need to start protecting yourself. He’ll keep on doing what he’s doing as long as you let him.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Have you forgiven yourself? You mentioned that you were facing health issues and were neglecting your husband which implied led him to cheat. I have neglected my husband for many years and recently realised that. He didn't cheat on me. Loyalty and integrity are very important for him.

Your husband has demonstrated that he is not a man of integrity. It's easy for my a stranger to tell you that you deserve better and to leave him. You do deserve better, but it's your decision whether to stay. I believe it has to be a decision that is not just made from feelings but factors such as his willingness to change, living with insecurity and fear that he might cheat again, what his cheating has said about his respect (or lack of) for you. 

You have given him chances. You have already tried to make this work, so it’s not your failure. It is his. He has fail to maintain integrity, treat you with respect and love you as he promised when he said his wedding vows.


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