# Sex Rank



## SockPuppet

I was just over at MMSL, reading archives and came across Athol's statement that a woman will try and change her sex rank to match her partners, once her partners sex rank has changed...

Im just wondering if any of the guys here actively apply sex rank to their relationships, and what the outcome has been?

I used to be a huge gym rat... well, not really huge, but Id go often to the gym. Loved it. Through the relationship with my wife, she has put on a bit of weight, and its an issue. I still love her, and desire physical intimacy with her all the same, but visually....

Do due various circumstances I do the gym in cycles. I go for a couple of months, then quit for a couple months, it works for me. My last cycle of going, my wife came with me 99% of the time. It took time and patience to get her into the gym, but she eventually enjoyed it a lot. At the end of my cycle, I stopped going (havnt been to gym since august) and my wife stopped going right after me.

Based on previous experience, do you think my hitting the gym again will net the same result, with her wanting to go with me?

Also, please provide your input on Sex Rank. I only just saw it, and would like other people perspective on it.


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## Yardman

I've noticed that if one of us goes up or down the other tends to follow. Based on what you said, sounds like your wife would rejoin you in gym attendance


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## I'mAllIn

It would make sense that if she went with you before she'd go with you again, unless something has changed with her overall health or her schedule. I read that statement also, and was left with one big question, does anyone really think they can objectively give themselves or their partner a sex rank? We might be able to determine who in the relationship ranks higher at any given time, but to put an accurate rank on ourselves or our partners, one that people outside the relationship would agree with, I think would be tough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sawney Beane

SockPuppet said:


> I was just over at MMSL, reading archives and came across Athol's statement that a woman will try and change her sex rank to match her partners, once her partners sex rank has changed...


There are plenty of nuggets of pure gold over at MMSL, but IMO this is one solid chunk of iron pyrites that Athol has dumped into the pile. Read on here how often one partner gets fitter / dresses better / new haircut / whatever and the other partner does... nothing whatsoever. Athol writes this attempting to maintain parity as if its as inevitable as death and taxation. Evidence here suggests otherwise.



I'mAllIn said:


> I read that statement also, and was left with one big question, does anyone really think they can objectively give themselves or their partner a sex rank? We might be able to determine who in the relationship ranks higher at any given time, but to put an accurate rank on ourselves or our partners, one that people outside the relationship would agree with, I think would be tough.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. It's a meaningless device, an attempt to put a number on something that is essentially unquantifable. If you read on, he explains how you can increase it by one increment per time period by following the plan - with that much precision


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## CalifGuy

In my first marriage, I was a super fit 22 year old guy when I met my slightly chubby 21 year old future wife. In the beginning, she not only met my sex rank, but surpassed it and within a year was a size 4 with a natural DD chest, a pretty face, a very big personality (people loved her or hated her).

Flash forward 13 years later, and I was divorcing the same woman who was now about a size 18/20, had completely let herself go and who showed no interest in ever getting back in shape and who I allowed to drag me down with her, as I gained nearly 100 pounds from the time I met her.

In the only serious relationship I had between marriages, I was with a very fit woman who worked out religiously and who had a body most women would kill for, yet I was mostly out of shape for the entire 15 month relationship, yet we had a very good physical/sexual relationship, probably the only reason we lasted as long as we did, as I really did not like her as she was pretty uptight and had a cold streak.

Now, I think I am more evenly yoked with my second wife. We are not perfect but in decent shape. I run marathons, usually at least one a month, while she has run a few with me but prefers running shorter distances or Crossfit classes but who finds it hard to be motivated to go to the gym more than a couple times a week. But, a more disciplined diet saves her, whereas I MUST workout 5 days a week as I love to eat "bad" food. But, her sex rank momentarily far eclipsed my own, as she was down to a Size 4 (at 5'7") and looked super hot in the tiny short dresses she was wearing. Now, a Size 8, she still looks good but will not be walking around half naked anytime soon when she goes out or on vacation, whereas I've never enjoyed that luxury.

Formerly, we were in the "lifestyle" for about a year (swinging) and I must say that we did tend to attract the more attractive couples and had the luxury of being picky about who we would consider going out with (or staying in with!). Far from perfect, but still more attractive than average...if we could stay in that neighborhood, I'd be content, although I do freak out about how much weight she will gain once she is pregnant and if she will be able to lose it within a few months or if it will be years, or ever.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Sawney Beane said:


> There are plenty of nuggets of pure gold over at MMSL, but IMO this is one solid chunk of iron pyrites that Athol has dumped into the pile. Read on here how often one partner gets fitter / dresses better / new haircut / whatever and the other partner does... nothing whatsoever. Athol writes this attempting to maintain parity as if its as inevitable as death and taxation. Evidence here suggests otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep. It's a meaningless device, an attempt to put a number on something that is essentially unquantifable. If you read on, he explains how you can increase it by one increment per time period by following the plan - with that much precision


I think Athol is talking more long term about sex rank, not many people would be content to stay in a relationship where one allowed themselves to seriously slip in appearance long term. All you have to do is go to any mall and look at couples, "like" for the most part goes with "like". You might see some mixes of "Fat & Skinny", but they are generally in the minority. 

Sometimes matters of health come into it, a spouse develops a serious medical condition that effects their appearance and their spouse out of real love, sticks with them as per their vow of "in sickness and in health" regardless of the new rank. 

I regularly see it all the time at the Gym and hear it in the locker room, Guy/Girl get in great shape, become pissed at slovenly mate, mate either gets with the picture or there's an A a year down the road. I often see these couples in the gym, one is generally a little further on than their mate, one in reasonable shape, the other carrying an extra 15lbs, nervously looking round the room at all the hotties.....


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## Enchantment

Isn't there an old adage about married couples looking like each other over time? That, or they end up looking like their dogs.


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## AFEH

I never got into sex ranking. I actually think it’s rather derogatory. For me it’s all to do with attraction. It’s that feeling of attraction that I look for, I’m either attracted or I’m not. She’s either attracted to me or not. The woman can be beautiful or not, after all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s not just physical beauty that’s in the eye of the beholder.

So if both partners are attracted to one another then surely that’s the be all and end all of it. It matters not if one’s a ten and the others a four as far as looks are concerned. Surely beauty is only skin deep, it’s what is on the inside that truly matters.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

AFEH said:


> I never got into sex ranking. I actually think it’s rather derogatory. For me it’s all to do with attraction. It’s that feeling of attraction that I look for, I’m either attracted or I’m not. She’s either attracted to me or not. The woman can be beautiful or not, after all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s not just physical beauty that’s in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> So if both partners are attracted to one another then surely that’s the be all and end all of it. It matters not if one’s a ten and the others a four as far as looks are concerned. Surely beauty is only skin deep, it’s what is on the inside that truly matters.


It's not just the looks, someone who regains their health and become active in many interests tends to become more confident and outgoing, therefore more interesting to others. If you become boring that "Spark" walk away spouses always mention goes away, replaced by someone else


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## AFEH

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> It's not just the looks, someone who regains their health and become active in many interests tends to become more confident and outgoing, therefore more interesting to others. If you become boring that "Spark" walk away spouses always mention goes away, replaced by someone else


Which is kind of what I said, in that it's not just the looks. It’s about how a person carries themselves, the confidence you mention along with say an outgoing awareness. The way they are dressed. All sorts of things are encapsulated within a person, even in the way they walk and how they hold their head, the expression on their face.


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## Lon

AFEH said:


> I never got into sex ranking. I actually think it’s rather derogatory. For me it’s all to do with attraction. It’s that feeling of attraction that I look for, I’m either attracted or I’m not. She’s either attracted to me or not. The woman can be beautiful or not, after all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s not just physical beauty that’s in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> So if both partners are attracted to one another then surely that’s the be all and end all of it. It matters not if one’s a ten and the others a four as far as looks are concerned. Surely beauty is only skin deep, it’s what is on the inside that truly matters.


Sex rank entirely has to do with attraction. Generally the higher your rank the larger number of potential mates find you attractive - but with rank its not about individual preferences it is all about numbers and statistics. With a higher rank (thus larger number of potential mates) also comes an increased chance of attracting a higher ranked mate.

But once two people have become attracted, gotten to know each other and make a committment, rank stops being a factor in the relationship (in my opinion) however it always remains a factor in society.


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## LexusNexus

I just finished reading Married Man sex life. I have mixed opinion about this book. I totally agree with AFEH, sex rank has nothing to do with looks. I work out 6-7 times a week, since I was 14. I am now 30. I am in excellent shape, I dress very well, drive very nice car, I am very well mannered. People tell me I am very attractive. Still my wife lost her physical attraction towards me. She said it's because of my attitude, she said I live in high pace life and she cannot keep up with me. I always rush her.


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## Deejo

Was some good discussion about sex rank in this thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/19506-science-sex-appeal.html

Also contains some links to video clips of the Discovery program.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Lon said:


> Sex rank entirely has to do with attraction. Generally the higher your rank the larger number of potential mates find you attractive - but with rank its not about individual preferences it is all about numbers and statistics. With a higher rank (thus larger number of potential mates) also comes an increased chance of attracting a higher ranked mate.
> 
> But once two people have become attracted, gotten to know each other and make a committment, rank stops being a factor in the relationship (in my opinion) however it always remains a factor in society.


Sorry, but commitment is not the end all, part of the commitment is that you don't allow yourself to become some sort of liability in the spouse's eye. Changing from being a stimulating person to be around to "half the man " or "half the woman" you were when they remain constant or improve grates over time. If there are other options they will be gone.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

LexusNexus said:


> I just finished reading Married Man sex life. I have mixed opinion about this book. I totally agree with AFEH, sex rank has nothing to do with looks. I work out 6-7 times a week, since I was 14. I am now 30. I am in excellent shape, I dress very well, drive very nice car, I am very well mannered. People tell me I am very attractive. Still my wife lost her physical attraction towards me. She said it's because of my attitude, she said I live in high pace life and she cannot keep up with me. I always rush her.


Could be you've become too " Alpha", which is just much a turn off as being to much of a "NiceGuy" (read door mat). Try being a little more beta and see what happens, it's all a balance.


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## Deejo

Sex rank is fluid. It's a concept. One that most people can easily get their head around.

It isn't limited to a sample of one. In other words, just because your wife now finds you less attractive than vomiting - has almost nothing to do with how others see you. It's subjective. 

As for Athol's piece about partners trying to maintain parity with sex rank, again it depends.
It depends upon where the relationship is at. If you and your wife have been on the downward spiral, and she proceeds to drop 20 pounds, and buys a new wardrobe, going from a 5 to an 8 ... odds are, that change isn't intended to attract her husband. Same goes for a male.

Sex rank depends upon 'the goal' of pairing up.

If it's for a fling ... looks alone may win the day.

If it's for long term security and starting a family, other characteristics will be given more weight.

We see this often when someone here posts about thinking their spouse is a wonderful person but there was never any real spark, or desire attached.


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## AFEH

Lon said:


> Sex rank entirely has to do with attraction. Generally the higher your rank the larger number of potential mates find you attractive - but with rank its not about individual preferences it is all about numbers and statistics. With a higher rank (thus larger number of potential mates) also comes an increased chance of attracting a higher ranked mate.
> 
> But once two people have become attracted, gotten to know each other and make a committment, rank stops being a factor in the relationship (in my opinion) however it always remains a factor in society.


But in whose eye is the higher the rank as far as attraction is concerned? A guy who is a 6 may well rank a woman who is a 6 much higher than a woman who is a ten as far as attraction is concerned!

Now are there more 6s in the world than there are 10s? Give it a go next time in a shopping mall. Are there more 10s than there are anything else? Surely the answer is no! So there will be less people attracted to a 10 then there is to a 6!

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Beauty be they a 6 or a 10 is absolutely subjective. In that one person will rate a 6 higher than a 10 as far as attraction is concerned.


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## Lon

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> Sorry, but commitment is not the end all, part of the commitment is that you don't allow yourself to become some sort of liability in the spouse's eye. Changing from being a stimulating person to be around to "half the man " or "half the woman" you were when they remain constant or improve grates over time. If there are other options they will be gone.


I never said it was, but it definitely puts each spouses unconscious sex rank of their partner in the back seat... so in a committed marriage if one partner decides to improve something about themself (and in turn wittingly or unwittingly improve their sex rank) it doesn't necessarily change the dynamic of the relationship, thus it may not lead the other spouse to want to improve something also. In fact, typically when we see one spouse make sudden improvements it is a red flag of infidelity because suddenly sex rank is back in the front seat. All I was trying to say is that sex rank has a bigger affect on first impressions, IMO.


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## Lon

AFEH said:


> But in whose eye is the higher the rank as far as attraction is concerned?


The collective.

I really don't have any inclination to argue about how the collective or even the individual decides to determine sex rank. I just simply think it is a fairly accurate, albeit crude, model of attraction.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

You pretty much bring home what you can pull. If you are a six, all you can pull is a six and you are happy with that, you win Love's lottery. You will probably be happier with a 6 anyway, being hooked up with 7,8,9,10's means putting yourself at risk from other males poaching all the time.....


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## CalifGuy

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> You pretty much bring home what you can pull. If you are a six, all you can pull is a six and you are happy with that, you win Love's lottery. You will probably be happier with a 6 anyway, being hooked up with 7,8,9,10's means putting yourself at risk from other males poaching all the time.....


+1

Couldn't agree more...my own philosophy is that people have the partners they do because neither partner could do any better! lol

Even when two people are not the same attraction wise, perhaps the more physically attractive one is lacking in other areas and that keeps them together.

When no longer equally yoked, that is likely when the partner who feels he/she is getting the short end of the stick, finally packs up shop and moves on.


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## Sawney Beane

AFEH said:


> I never got into sex ranking.* I actually think it’s rather derogatory. *For me it’s all to do with attraction. It’s that feeling of attraction that I look for, I’m either attracted or I’m not. She’s either attracted to me or not. The woman can be beautiful or not, after all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s not just physical beauty that’s in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> So if both partners are attracted to one another then surely that’s the be all and end all of it. It matters not if one’s a ten and the others a four as far as looks are concerned. Surely beauty is only skin deep, it’s what is on the inside that truly matters.


:iagree:

Emphasis mine, and that bit especially.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Sawney Beane said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Emphasis mine, and that bit especially.



It is, but it's the way it often works, we are all sized up in different ways, other things such as wealth and prestige will also effect these rankings, odious as they may be ;~)


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## Jellybeans

LexusNexus said:


> I just finished reading Married Man sex life. I have mixed opinion about this book. I totally agree with AFEH, sex rank has nothing to do with looks. I work out 6-7 times a week, since I was 14. I am now 30. I am in excellent shape, I dress very well, drive very nice car, I am very well mannered. People tell me I am very attractive. *Still my wife lost her physical attraction towards me. She said it's because of my attitude,* she said I live in high pace life and she cannot keep up with me. I always rush her.


Yeah, this can definitely happen. And it isn't gender-specific. Someone can be hot as hell on the outside but if they are rude/mean/have an attitude problem/treat you poorly, you are not going to be sexually attracted to them (for more than a roll in the hay). And even then, it's hard to fell attracted enough to want s ex with someone who treats you badly/poorly/isn't nice. 

I don't really understand sex-ranking or whatever but I think bot my exH and I are pretty attractive people, both in shape. I always thought he was very handsome but when we started rowing and our communication faltered, a wall slowly built up and I began to resent him because of the way he was treating me. I still think he's sexy but I can definitely say there were times when I found him appalling and did not want sex with him because of his attitude.


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## Deejo

Jellybeans said:


> I don't really understand sex-ranking or whatever but I think bot my exH and I are pretty attractive people, both in shape. I always thought he was very handsome but when we started rowing and our communication faltered, a wall slowly built up and I began to resent him because of the way he was treating me.


Sex rank is very straightforward. It's your 'number' from 1 to 10. One being very undesirable, and 10 being extraordinarily desirable ... according to the opposite sex.


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## LexusNexus

Jellybeans;

I know what you mean. I am not perfect, but nobody is perfect. I never said I was rude or treated somebody poorly especially my wife. I have very simple attitude in life I want to be Treated the Way I Treat People. And I am no willing to settle for less. Its not about keeping score who did what. All this years I was trying to be affectionate, giving gifts, spend quality time, provide financially, provide security, I made every possible sacrifice I could so she can have better life. At the end she lost her lust. And I am fine with this, because I am only 30 not 50-60 and I know I did everything I could to make her happy. Sometimes when things come to you too quickly and too much you become bored


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## Entropy3000

AFEH said:


> But in whose eye is the higher the rank as far as attraction is concerned? A guy who is a 6 may well rank a woman who is a 6 much higher than a woman who is a ten as far as attraction is concerned!
> 
> Now are there more 6s in the world than there are 10s? Give it a go next time in a shopping mall. Are there more 10s than there are anything else? Surely the answer is no! So there will be less people attracted to a 10 then there is to a 6!
> 
> Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Beauty be they a 6 or a 10 is absolutely subjective. In that one person will rate a 6 higher than a 10 as far as attraction is concerned.


Most things in life are based on a bell curve. Meaning most folks will be around the average ... whatever that is. Since these are perceptions I would also say that those celebrities that many think are 8, 9 and 10s may very well be closer to average in real life. Not as tall or trim. Less make up and no fancy hair styles and so on. They are seen in ideal settings. They cleanup nice. They will also be seen with real world personalities.

Men are generally more visual so you may be able to play that numbers game with women. Women may indeed play that same game but men's sex rank can be based on their perceived power and status along with physical attributes. Perhaps that is changing with the times. We shall see.


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## Entropy3000

Deejo said:


> Was some good discussion about sex rank in this thread:
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/19506-science-sex-appeal.html
> 
> Also contains some links to video clips of the Discovery program.


Great stuff. I found it interesting that it was found that women who already had a long term partner showed more skin and tended to flirt more openly with men not their husband. That said they were at a club. I would suggest that the sample was skewed by those women in LTRs that were there to dance with men not their husbands to begin with. As it relates to this thread they would have a higher sex rank for that behavior.


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## Jellybeans

LexusNexus said:


> Jellybeans;
> 
> I know what you mean. I am not perfect, but nobody is perfect. I never said I was rude or treated somebody poorly especially my wife. I have very simple attitude in life I want to be Treated the Way I Treat People. And I am no willing to settle for less. Its not about keeping score who did what. All this years I was trying to be affectionate, giving gifts, spend quality time, provide financially, provide security, I made every possible sacrifice I could so she can have better life. At the end she lost her lust. And I am fine with this, because I am only 30 not 50-60 and I know I did everything I could to make her happy. Sometimes when things come to you too quickly and too much you become bored


Oh, no, I know. I wasn't calling YOU out per se, just adding to your story, that I have been your wife and I get how she feels and it makes sense. 

The point I was trying to make was that when women don't feel loved/respected/treated right by their partner, their sexual desire for said partner dissipates. I am sure men feel the same way too. 

Feeling loved and respected and treated well makes for GREAT sex/sexual attraction.


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## Entropy3000

I think it should be pointed out that sex rank has a lot to do with initial attraction. Substance matters as well in more personal matters. Sex rank IMHO shoiuld be viewed in the all else equal category. It is a contributing factor in the long run. It is a critical factor in the very micro term.

Also Athol goes on to explain that men will seek out sex with women of lower sex rank more often that the reverse. Meaning a male 8 will have sex with 6s and 7s or lower. Any port in a storm kinda thing. Women are wired to trade up. Some would say women are wired to be monogamous at any givem instance. Just with different men over time, trading up the ladder -- hypergamy. Men are trying to repopulate the planet.

Men can have a show of higher sex rank through pre-selection as well. This does not work in reverse. Reminds me of Sister Wives.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> Great stuff. I found it interesting that it was found that women who already had a long term partner showed more skin and tended to flirt more openly with men not their husband. That said they were at a club. I would suggest that the sample was skewed by those women in LTRs that were there to dance with men not their husbands to begin with. As it relates to this thread they would have a higher sex rank for that behavior.


Not sure I follow you on the higher sex rank while out clubbing. If anything, to me they would be lower. Desperate and tacky people don't sound like high value to me. Am I missing something here?


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Not sure I follow you on the higher sex rank while out clubbing. If anything, to me they would be lower. Desperate and tacky people don't sound like high value to me. Am I missing something here?


I was referring to the videos. That is what they said.

I was challenging the results of their study as possibly being skewed. They indicated they had some shocking results as they too expected it to be lower.

BUT, a woman can increase her sex rank by showing more skin and being more flirty. These are factors in sex rank for women. Per Athol.


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## Trenton

You know, I think I might rank somewhat higher than my husband by people in general. My husband has even told me this. I don't really care and, honestly, I like that he is proud to go out with me. 

At the same time, I don't think I could meet a man I was more attracted to than my husband and because of this I figure other women must feel the same.


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## AFEH

Entropy3000 said:


> Most things in life are based on a bell curve. Meaning most folks will be around the average ... whatever that is. Since these are perceptions I would also say that those celebrities that many think are 8, 9 and 10s may very well be closer to average in real life. Not as tall or trim. Less make up and no fancy hair styles and so on. They are seen in ideal settings. They cleanup nice. They will also be seen with real world personalities.
> 
> *Men are generally more visual so you may be able to play that numbers game with women.* Women may indeed play that same game but men's sex rank can be based on their perceived power and status along with physical attributes. Perhaps that is changing with the times. We shall see.


I’m a focused sort of guy, never played a numbers game in my life! Don’t even gamble lol. What I was trying to say is a 10 may well find a 10 attractive, whereas a 6 may well not find a 10 attractive but will find a 6 attractive.


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## Entropy3000

AFEH said:


> I’m a focused sort of guy, never played a numbers game in my life! Don’t even gamble lol. What I was trying to say is a 10 may well find a 10 attractive, whereas a 6 may well not find a 10 attractive but will find a 6 attractive.


There is some scientific backing for this as far as hormones go.

That said, I think more women will go for Derek Jeter than Danny DeVito from a physical perspective. Even the ones who look like Danny DeVito. YMMV. Also people are generally more attracted to symmetry.

I don't gamble either. But this is not a conscious thing at all. You do play numbers all day long. Life is made up of shades of gray. If you can sense shades, color, smells, temperature you are playing with numbers. You just may not think of it that way.
But you make a judement based on degrees all day long.

Some people like steak and others do not. Some can tell a good steak from a bad one. Others can't. Some people prefer a burger to a steak. Some do not eat meat. Go figure.


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## SimplyAmorous

AFEH said:


> Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Beauty be they a 6 or a 10 is absolutely subjective. In that one person will rate a 6 higher than a 10 as far as attraction is concerned.


I agree with this, when I was younger, I had the most STRANGE taste in Boys, my husband hated to even be compared to any of them, he would say "What does that say about me!!?" ! I loved red heads for some reason, none of them were popular, but they still looked very good to me, I never cared for the Jocks, the long haired Hippie look is what turned my head -but of coarse most of these guys didn't have the greatest of character. 

I would have these "ga ga" crushes on guys that never knew I liked them ..... and if they was in a Band, it seemed I lost my mind.... I once got a crush on a Chubby red head , they called him "Big Red"- he played guitar & I have never been attracted to even "husky" guys.... For me, I want to see & feel that nice flat stomach, not a hint of man boobs, and *not *too much muscle or it all goes down the drain for me. 

A drug addicted rock stars "looks" would turn me on more than any athletic Jocks would....and I still feel that way today- after all these years.


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## AFEH

It’s amazing isn’t it. I’ve no time for women that walk around flashing their boobs, it’s a big turn off for me. Most especially when they’re trying to sell me something and the bigger the boobs the bigger the turn off. Got little to no attraction for women in high stilettos either. I’ve always preferred the casual country woman type look. For me that’s very sexy. All in all the archetypal woman displayed in magazines and the like does little for me. I like “understatement”, modesty. I was told on a few occasions by some guys that they thought I’d have a much more “beautiful” wife. I thought they were very shallow and anyway for me she was a 15 out of 10, she still is. Body wise she was most certainly a 10 out of 10 even after giving birth to two sons. Rock-on!


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## 2sick

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, this can definitely happen. And it isn't gender-specific. Someone can be hot as hell on the outside but if they are rude/mean/have an attitude problem/treat you poorly, you are not going to be sexually attracted to them (for more than a roll in the hay). And even then, it's hard to fell attracted enough to want s ex with someone who treats you badly/poorly/isn't nice.
> 
> I don't really understand sex-ranking or whatever but I think bot my exH and I are pretty attractive people, both in shape. I always thought he was very handsome but when we started rowing and our communication faltered, a wall slowly built up and I began to resent him because of the way he was treating me. I still think he's sexy but I can definitely say there were times when I found him appalling and did not want sex with him because of his attitude.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
Still married and love h dearly...but damn gotta agree 1zillion % !!!! It's not what's on the outside but the inside that TRULY gets you hot...AND KEEPS YOU HOT!!!!


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## Runs like Dog

Most people think they have above average ability to out perform the stock market. Most people believe they are better than average drivers.


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## SimplyAmorous

AFEH said:


> It’s amazing isn’t it. I’ve no time for women that walk around flashing their boobs, it’s a big turn off for me. Most especially when they’re trying to sell me something and the bigger the boobs the bigger the turn off. Got little to no attraction for women in high stilettos either. I’ve always preferred the casual country woman type look. For me that’s very sexy.


 You sound like my Father AFEH......My Mom used to tell me there was this woman that lived near them in their early marraige, she would walk about the neighborhood in her bathing suit, all the guys gawking at her- she loved the attention I guess, she had big boobs always flaunting them, she even had a thing for my dad , my mother found this terribly amusing because what she didn't know was....my dad despised women like that, a terrible turn off, my mom was never threatened by her, she used to hear my dad going on about "those types"-even her. She was even good friends with that attention getting sex pot. 

Now my husband is a little different than my dad.... he enjoys the looking , he'd be gawking at that woman my dad turned his nose too, but just for the view -(he likes natural -no fake boobs & no tattoos) but he wouldn't want "the type" that is showing it off, seeking such attention so obviously, that part of the personality would destroy it for him. 

I guess I am similar to my husband, I love the long haired guy LOOK but generally I wouldn't want what they "are". To have the looks and the personality traits we desire - those are the 10's plus but how hard is it to find. 

I had my husband grow his hair a little long for our wedding, He was my perfect 10 !


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## Atholk

Sawney Beane said:


> There are plenty of nuggets of pure gold over at MMSL, but IMO this is one solid chunk of iron pyrites that Athol has dumped into the pile. Read on here how often one partner gets fitter / dresses better / new haircut / whatever and the other partner does... nothing whatsoever. Athol writes this attempting to maintain parity as if its as inevitable as death and taxation. Evidence here suggests otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep. It's a meaningless device, an attempt to put a number on something that is essentially unquantifable. If you read on, he explains how you can increase it by one increment per time period by following the plan - with that much precision


I'm pretty clear that your partner may not respond.

Sex Rank is best understood as a metaphor, it's really mean to boil down to understanding who is hotter than the other in the relationship.


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## MEM2020

It is a great metaphor. And frankly it is also a good predictor of "risk" to relationship stability. You have a story on your web site about a guy with a W who massively cranked up her sex rank over a period of a year and then dumped him. 

Generally speaking, if you are at close to parity with your partner (and that means their attraction for you is comparable to yours for them) AND already showing your partner a lot of sexual attention and they suddenly go into full throttle sex rank maximization: try to keep up or you may find yourself all alone. Because they have either already found your replacement or they are preparing for the post marital dating world.....

My W and I had an interesting exchange about this last weekend. We were about the same rank when we met, and have stayed about the same for 22 years. The nice thing about it is that a fair bit of that has been both of us making the effort to stay attractive to each other. 






Atholk said:


> I'm pretty clear that your partner may not respond.
> 
> Sex Rank is best understood as a metaphor, it's really mean to boil down to understanding who is hotter than the other in the relationship.


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## Lon

MEM11363 said:


> It is a great metaphor. And frankly it is also a good predictor of "risk" to relationship stability. You have a story on your web site about a guy with a W who massively cranked up her sex rank over a period of a year and then dumped him.


I agree, this is kinda what happened to kill my marriage too... my W was making all kinds of changes (as she always has been it seems), to me it was just who she was, I saw her the same as I always saw her but felt like she was just trying harder to "feel good" about herself. I know her opinion of herself and her confidence level go up, she even was telling our friends that she was too good for me (where at the beginning of our relationship she was telling her friends how she didn't deserve someone like me :scratchhead.

I really hadn't changed much over the course of the marriage, though if anything my rank went down, trying to cope with added responsibilities, domestic duties, her absenteeism and the general disthymia that was setting in me... If anything her rank to me went down even though she was so much more sexually charged and paying so much more attention to her appearance than before, unfortunately for me her cranking up her sex rank led to her deciding she could find more attractive sex partners in the places she was frequenting, better enough to risk throwing away whatever stability and provisions she had in our marriage.

It is a really harsh form of rejection, this is why Athol's site is so successful and so useful, because as I have discovered all relationships breakdown for one reason alone, loss of attraction. Attraction is such a dominant force that it can even trump major problems in horrible relationships, atleast in the short term which is why sites like TAM exist.


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## Airbus

The sex rank is total BS; just another excuse for pompous people to base something as beautiful as a human relatinship on looks.

Total, utter and complete _garbage_.


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## FirstYearDown

AFEH said:


> I never got into sex ranking. I actually think it’s rather derogatory. For me it’s all to do with attraction. It’s that feeling of attraction that I look for, I’m either attracted or I’m not. She’s either attracted to me or not. The woman can be beautiful or not, after all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s not just physical beauty that’s in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> So if both partners are attracted to one another then surely that’s the be all and end all of it. It matters not if one’s a ten and the others a four as far as looks are concerned. Surely beauty is only skin deep, it’s what is on the inside that truly matters.


:iagree:

Some people say that my husband looks old. He is eight years my senior. I find him very attractive, so I don't care about what others think.

On the ol' 1-10 scale, I see myself as a 6, yet my husband thinks I am an 8. :scratchhead: Go figure. 

One woman's 5 can always be another woman's 8. 

My husband's best features are his gorgeous blue eyes, strong chin and cupid's bow mouth. He has a sexy baritone that other women sigh over, along with a quiet and steady presence.


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## Lon

Airbus said:


> The sex rank is total BS; just another excuse for pompous people to base something as beautiful as a human relatinship on looks.
> 
> Total, utter and complete _garbage_.


no, it is just a simple model one can use to help understand attraction.

It is NOT about just looks, however since looks are an important factor in attractiveness to many people, especially men, then that is the reason why it is reflected in the sex rank model. It is also the reason why looks are weighted more towards women's rank.

In fact, if you think about how a person's rank is assigned, there is no rule that says how such a number is calculated, it is just a number between 1-10 each person decides to asign based on how much they think they would like to have sex with someone, so if you personally think it is about looks that just reflects that looks are indeed important to you.


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## MSP

I can't really speak for Athol, but from what I've read of his stuff, sex rank is based on much more than looks. And it's a personal thing. Essentially, it's the overall appeal someone has for you. Looks factor in, but they are not the only factor. Even if the looks that appeal to you are not what appeals to everyone else, they are still a factor or you wouldn't even notice that your tastes were different to everyone else's. 

It's obviously untrue to say that how much someone appeals to you compared to how much other people appeal to you is irrelevant, otherwise you would just pick your partner at random. So their appeal, or sex rank, is important. And as much as people like to say that they just love their partners for who they are, there are quantifiable aspects of their partners that add up to their appeal. 

MMSL encourages the improvement of some of those things. It's logical that by improving those things you will influence your partner to also improve things about themselves. People rub off on each other, if nothing else.


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## Airbus

Lon said:


> no, it is just a simple model one can use to help understand attraction.
> 
> It is NOT about just looks, however since looks are an important factor in attractiveness to many people, especially men, then that is the reason why it is reflected in the sex rank model. It is also the reason why looks are weighted more towards women's rank.
> 
> *In fact, if you think about how a person's rank is assigned, there is no rule that says how such a number is calculated,* it is just a number between 1-10 each person decides to asign based on how much they think they would like to have sex with someone, so if you personally think it is about looks that just reflects that looks are indeed important to you.


I continually read how this woman or that woman 'upped her sex rank' by going to the gym and getting fit, or changes her style of clothing to be a little more revealing. Then all of a sudden, boom, she gets more attention from the men, and subsequently dumps her husband! How can you say it's not about looks?

This Athol guy has quite the flock of sheep followers, though, so there must be many who choose to believe his hooey. Mostly geared toward the male mind, IMO.


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## Airbus

Lon said:


> no, it is just a simple model one can use to help understand attraction.
> 
> It is NOT about just looks, however since looks are an important factor in attractiveness to many people, especially men, then that is the reason why it is reflected in the sex rank model. It is also the reason why looks are weighted more towards women's rank.
> 
> In fact, if you think about how a person's rank is assigned, there is no rule that says how such a number is calculated, it is just a number between 1-10 each person decides to asign based on how much they think they would like to have sex with someone, so *if you personally think it is about looks that just reflects that looks are indeed important to you*.


Based on my saying that this is BS, you figure looks are important to me? Alrightee then!

:lol:


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## Tall Average Guy

Airbus said:


> I continually read how this woman or that woman 'upped her sex rank' by going to the gym and getting fit, or changes her style of clothing to be a little more revealing. Then all of a sudden, boom, she gets more attention from the men, and subsequently dumps her husband! How can you say it's not about looks?


Of course looks have something to do with it. But that does not mean other things don't also factor in. Things like confidence, money and personality. The shy woman who changes her personality and willingness to be outgoing has upped her sex rank just as much asn the person going to the gym.



> This Athol guy has quite the flock of sheep followers, though, so there must be many who choose to believe his hooey. Mostly geared toward the male mind, IMO.


Why does that surprise you? It is, after all, called the Married *Man's* Sex Life. As for calling people sheep for following it, that is some pretty poor debating style. Ad hominem attacks are so third grade.


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## Lon

Airbus said:


> Based on my saying that this is BS, you figure looks are important to me? Alrightee then!
> 
> :lol:


looks aren't important to you? If your H was exactly the same personality, same income, same energy everything about who he is was exactly the same, except say he was an inch taller, slightly darker complexion, thicker hair, had slightly more muscular buttocks, and wore great looking clothes all the time you wouldn't find that appealing?

If not I commend you for your honesty in stating your values, but for most people looks are important.


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## Lon

Airbus said:


> I continually read how this woman or that woman 'upped her sex rank' by going to the gym and getting fit, or changes her style of clothing to be a little more revealing. Then all of a sudden, boom, she gets more attention from the men, and subsequently dumps her husband! How can you say it's not about looks?


yep a woman getting in shape certainly is sexually appealing to me. Oh, I never said it wasn't about looks I said it wasn't ONLY about looks. I would take a curvy, "average" looking girl with a great smile and sparkle in her eye for me over a b!tchy supermodel with fantastic waist but nasty attitude anyday. though ideally I'd take the supermodel with great smile and sparkle in her eye for only me - however there are a lot of really great guys out there, many of them have more charm, better looks, more confident personality etc (higher sex rank) than I who statistically would be more likely to win the sparkle in her eye.

It is a competition, and it sucks when you have a low rank, however we can still win by playing to our strengths, improving ourselves the way we want, and/or seeking out those whom are more compatible because it gives us automatic bonus points on our sex rank over the competition.


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