# how do I trust him?



## the-joy (Jul 10, 2012)

i don't know what else to do but take a break to show him the floors wont clean them selves, the baby wont feed its self, food doesen't buy/cook its self, I could keep going but its depressing to write the whole list.

a little back story.....

before we bought a house ( I put down all the money) we split everything. after we moved in it all stopped. Before we owned a home I'd take us on nice vacations that I would pay for compleatly, I'd buy him nice presents.
Just after we moved in we found out we were expecting!!! 
at the same time he was suposed to be finishing school (I paid for the year. I also paid off his student loans so he would be paying no intrest and he promised he'd pay me).

My pregnancy went badly and I was forced on medical leave @ 3 months. Despite throwing up violently ever day (I wont get in to other icky stuff ) I did all the cleaning/ shopping/cooking. I asked for money for bills etc....and was told he was busy w/ school and didn't have any money. what I didn't know was he stopped going to class and dropped well below p/t ( I didn't know how bad till we did taxe's. he made 4 000$ grand total this past year).
While preggers when I'd ask for help cleaning he'd tell me he didn't care if it was clean, so if I wanted it clean that was my problem. 
I'd be paying (all) the bills and ask for money and he'd say " I'm picking up more shifts" but money never came.

So then the baby comes I am happy for the help but we have now used all my savings to cover his half + baby stuff.

so last week was his brothers wedding that he's known about for a year now. When it came time to buy the plain tickets he haden't saved a dime. He couldn't buy his own ticket let alone a present. In the back of my mind I had been hoping he was saving for the wedding. 
So I bought the tickets.

To save me from walking out his MOTHER told him to get a job (durring the same talk she was telling him it wasn't cool to go camping with out me or the baby on my first mothers day) 

So he's working....yeah. He's given me a whopping 200$ so far. 
Now b/c he's working he doesn't have to do anything for me the baby or the house. He just gets to get up,(no messy baby breakfasts for him) go to work (comes home hours after he's off) come home to dinner(I have to eat so I cook) then he go to bed( no crying baby to sooth.) 
Now if I wan't any help he tells me he's doing enough and he'll call in sick if he's tired. 

Last night I told him I need space and am thinking of leaving. He told me I need to stop being so mean to him (I'm not mean. I work very hard to not nag or communicate disrespectfuly) 

Do I walk?


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

nope- kick HIM out.

Sounds terrible and I'm sorry he's such a loser.


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## the-joy (Jul 10, 2012)

I ment do I quite the relationship? 
After I typed that out the answer seemed obvious 
He's sooooo selfish! I don't think you grow out of that easily.


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

Can you handle finances on your own if you really cut back? I'd get your financial ducks in a row to know where you stand and where you'll have to go from here.

Once you have those answers you'll be ready to proceed with kicking him out- good luck, you are right, he is selfish and a user.

And don't spend another DIME on him. It's not doing anything but draining you of your funds.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

What is it you're afraid you'll miss if you go your own ways?
Giving a guy a helping hand in support of facilitating a relationship is cool, if it's legit...but it sounds like you wanted this relationship to succeed so much that you kept making excuses for him and helping him out, rather than deal with the reality that he's a freeloader and you're a Sugar Mama (although now, reluctantly.)


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