# helpless......



## gpitn (Jul 16, 2010)

my husband and i have been married for 12 years. we got one child( 11) and i am currently 21 weeks pregnant. But my husband doesnt seem to care.....
He doesnt pay much attention at me or our child,he often goes out to play poker ( and he does the same online when he is at home ), he drinks, he doesnt really care about anything else but drinking and poker...
i tried to talk to him a million times, but all he says is " i am not doing anything wrong. " or " you cant tell me how to live my life"..and his usual excuse is that life is hardand he needs a way to make things easier ( though i dont understand how drinking could make things easier)
and to all that, we recently moved to another country, so i dont really have many friends or people i could count on, over here.
the aretimes i wish i could just walk away...but i have no place to go, and having a child and another one on the way doesnt help the situation....

i dont know what to do.....


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## gpitn (Jul 16, 2010)

wow...thanx for NO replys! i guess it was a mistake to join this site...and all i wanted was someone to actually state an opinion....anyways.
i wish all the best to everyone.
i`ll try to find another site...who knows, it might just work


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Hello GPITN,

I am new to the site and saw your post. Your situation is a difficult one, to be sure. It seems that your hubby has some vices (drinking being the main one) that are more important than being a husband and father. I would suggest that you talk to him about getting help for the drinking and see if that helps the other things (his disinterest in you and your family). However, please understand that people have to WANT to change in order to actually seek help. He may continue to deny that he needs help, which is what I expect. Also, he may be depressed and uses the gambling and drinking as an escape.

You said that you don't have any friends in your current country. So, I can see that your situation is being made worse by the fact that you have no support system over there. If it really came down to it, would you consider leaving and going back to your home country? I mean, at a certain point, you need to figure out if this is recoverable and also what kind of environment do you want your children to grow up in. I grew up poor but my family cared for each other and there was always love in the house. You should touch base with someone back home as a Plan B. I really hope that your hubby can be the man that you need him to be. But, in the event that he cannot, you should have an exit strategy.


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## marriedtoo (Jul 8, 2010)

I hope you comeback and read this. I found this site maybe a month ago. I've posted a few responses to threads and read a lot of them. I started a thread and got almost no response right away I kept checking and there were some. 
I can only imagine how lonely you must feel. New country, no supporting partner and pregnant. If you do comeback it'd be interesting to know why you got pregnant the second time was your relationship allready in a bad shape?
I agree with the ^^ post about talking to your family if you have any and have an exit strategy


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## gpitn (Jul 16, 2010)

thank you both for the replys....i appreciate it...

Orion: i talked to my husband yesterday evening , and yes,you were absolutelly right: people have to WANT to change....and unfortunatelly he doesnt....and he got really mad when i mentioned getting help ( as he said, he didnt need help, there was nothing wrong with him )
i am starting to lose faith.....
and about going back to my country to my family: i dont have a family, my biologycal mother left me when i was 3 years old...so i dont really know her...all i got from her is a name and an old picture.....my father i dont know at all.....
And when we moved to the new country, we practically sold everything we had...so now i dont have a place to come back in.....
of course i dohave friends there, but they r all married, with their own lives and their own problems, and i dont think i should burden them with my situation.....


Marriedtoo: i got pregnant by accident...but didnt wanna consider abortion....plus my husband was very excited about it.And for a moment i started to believe the things might change..... of course it didnt last for long.....probably a couple of weeks...and then he got back to drinking and gambling AGAIN.

anyways, thank you both for listening, it does help to know someone is willing to listen to what u gotta say. THANK YOU


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## Chet8625 (Jul 13, 2010)

So... you posted and less than a day later you come back and complain about no one responding.

it this what it's like in your house. I'd go out and play poker, too.

Issues within a marriage are rarely one-sided. Take a step back and take a good look and see what your part of this is. That, for what it's worth, is my opinion.


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