# I would have never thought it would happen



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

But it did, and you know what? After everything, from the horrible gut wrenching weeks of not being able to eat, being torn up, emotionally destroyed, a life appearing suddenly completely wasted, I AM O.K.

---and you will be too-----

I couldnt really see it when this all began. From initial concern that my "wife-of-the-time" was involved with another man, to realizing the depth to which I was fed lies to cover it up, the utter dishonesty that was so easily coming from this person who once loved me so much. 
The moment, that the truth was revealed, that I found out it was more than "just friends". The trickle down facts that were substantiated of course, only after I found out about them.
How painful that was. How hurtful to every part that I considered a part of me and my life. The onslaught against the last, most valuable thing that I had in my life, which was my family.

Since september of last year when I first discovered something might be going on, until now, where I am divorced for all of six days, (yet living in the same house, which I dont recommend to anyone), I have found within me a place of peace. 

So I want to encourage you out there. You who might be just at the brink of what appears to be a dark cavern seemingly bottomless. You who are torn up, who are going thru so much pain, and anger, and incredible torment over your spouse's cheating and subsequent lies.
I encourage you, that there will be and there absolutely IS a place of rest and peace when you get thru the tunnel.

Its so evasive at first. So impossible to see for the complete devestation that is thrown over you. 
If I have learned anything from this, it is to keep a personal hope for your own self, allowing yourself to be self-centered for once about this particular thing, that you will stand again.
Realize that the great sadness that makes you want to hurl, the inability to eat or sleep, the effects on every part of your life is so normal, that when you begin to expect it, and it loses its "surprise" nature, that you begin to resent it, and you find a wierd sort of self center again. You begin to balance again, and then find yourself having a good day, or a good period of time during the day, despite the storm outside. 
No one says you have to wallow in the heartache. There is no predetermined amount of time you have to sit in the corner. 
Even as I myself am looking for my own house to live in (it is a necessity in my particular situation, for protection against financial problems on her side that are sure to come) I still see things that offend and are hurtful. There is enough happening in ten minutes with her, that would make any person want to get away as soon as possible. But I just have to suck it up for now, because I am working my plan for myself, my future, and the future of my child.
But the point is, that I got to that point. That I have a plan, and I am no longer spending days upon weeks in severe heartache. And it is most necessary that you realize that you most certainly will reach this point as well.
Look forward to it. Allow yourself to reclaim every thread of power you lovingly gave in trust to them, because it is and always was your own power with which to give and take.

I wish you in this most difficult time, a blue clearing in the clouds, saying to yourself that if "he" can get through it, so will I.


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## terrified (Jul 26, 2011)

Thank you. 
I am in so much pain. It's nice to know that some have survived it.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

terrified,
I know you are in a lot of pain. I also know how incredibly impossible it seems to get thru it. The doubt, the debilitating doubt.
Dont let yourself dwell on the "whys" or the "hows". Half the time things happen we have no idea what really was the causes.
Let yourself look thru the cardboard tube from a roll of paper towels if you have to, in order to focus on how to move forwards, and shut out all of the other things. 

When I was a kid, there was a party I was at, where one person sat in the middle of the room, and they put a blanket over them, telling them, now, take off one thing that you really dont need.
Some would take their watches off, but then how do you tell time? 
Some would remove their shoes, and we'd ask, but how would you walk on stoney ground or hot pavement?
Nobody at first realized that it was the blanket itself that they didnt really need.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

I hear you. I'm officially moved out of my place for a 3-month sublet, and I hope it was begin to give me some perspective on what I truly want to do.

I'm fairly certain that I hate my wife, which is a huge, problem. The tremendous problem is that off the bat things were loaded with lies and deceit (she had a 2nd relationship leading up to and through our engagement). So I can't even accept her/our discussions about when things began to go wrong in our marriage - SHE BLEW IT FROM THE START!

On top of her selfishness, she worked very hard at keeping me at bay and to herself (she deflected all the questions I asked about the OM, yet was very vocal about how she was uncomfortable with girls that were giving me attention). So in essence, she double fuvcked me because I had such few experiences with women when it would have helped me know for certain about the type of gal that was good for me. NOPE, just chose to trust my wife and put all my faith in her, and it's gotten me absolutely nothing.

I want my wife out of my life permanently, but it's not possible because of the children. Here is my cake eating - I want the best, unified life for my children, but I wish it could be with the woman I thought I was married to.

So I either punt her and the kids get affected, or I stay with her in a 3/5ths loving marriage (I can offer about 3/5ths of true love. . .maybe it'll improve down the road) for the kids.

I am also tremendously curious about spending time with other women at this point too. The simple phrase "I'm phucked" is so accurate in my case.


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

lovestruckout said:


> I hear you. I'm officially moved out of my place for a 3-month sublet, and I hope it was begin to give me some perspective on what I truly want to do.
> 
> I'm fairly certain that I hate my wife, which is a huge, problem. The tremendous problem is that off the bat things were loaded with lies and deceit (she had a 2nd relationship leading up to and through our engagement). So I can't even accept her/our discussions about when things began to go wrong in our marriage - SHE BLEW IT FROM THE START!
> 
> ...


I thought that you read my story at first because this is exactly where I am right now. Because I was so naive in terms of relationships from having been in so few of them, I fell for the first girl who didn't laugh out loud. I was a self-loathing guy who really thought that I didn't deserve someone special and that is what I ended up getting.

It's safe to say that I won't marry again after this. I will only concern myself with the kids' welfare and my own...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

lovestruckout said:


> I hear you. I'm officially moved out of my place for a 3-month sublet, and I hope it was begin to give me some perspective on what I truly want to do.
> 
> I'm fairly certain that I hate my wife, which is a huge, problem. The tremendous problem is that off the bat things were loaded with lies and deceit (she had a 2nd relationship leading up to and through our engagement). So I can't even accept her/our discussions about when things began to go wrong in our marriage - SHE BLEW IT FROM THE START!
> 
> ...


Never stay for the kids!!! Your children will be more effected with you both being unhappy.. Your children deserve to see both of their parents happy regardless if you are together or not, they will get over a divorce. You both being unhappy not so much... Good luck


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