# My wife doesn't want to let go...



## harlisondavidly (Jul 4, 2011)

Hard to know what to title this thread... I feel like I'm suffocating and been trying to leave one way or another for a couple years. My EA, while not excusable, after it was over, did start a new chapter for me psychologically. I was completely passive and unable to understand my own emotions. I hated conflict, would never admit the truth, that my marriage really was a mistake from the beginning. Too rushed, etc. 

But anyway, fast forward to now... I find myself not wanting to be married, but have 2 kids, ages 5 and 9. I've gone through so much emotional stress, verbal abuse, destruction of property, etc, that I've just been emotionally spent.

Recently I took a job in another state. Well, I had been unemployed for almost a year. The opportunity came in such a way that it was almost like providence was giving me a new path in life to embrace.

The idea was my family would join me. But to be honest, being away, far enough now, that I actually have gotten at least some time to myself, I have felt like I woke up from a dream and now my life is unfolding. I really don't want my wife to join me. I told her several times recently I'd rather start over.

She won't let go. She still wants us to work it out. She's very good at making her argument. Uses the kids to guilt me into submission. I am almost falling for it. And then I hate myself for allowing it to happen again. I do love my kids. But I'm so worn out from this last two years, I'm starting to think we'd be better off living further apart, even if I don't see my own kids that often.

I've been at this new job in another state for 1 month. I don't miss my wife. I do miss my kids. Sometimes she won't let me talk to them for days at a time. Then she'll tell me that I don't deserve them because I don't try hard enough to stay in touch. Well, I'm not about to robocall like she does. I try to call, she doesn't answer. I'm done for the night. I won't do the "harassing style calls" until she answers.

Sort of just ranting I guess. Wife and the kids will need to move soon from the house we have where I just left. She wants out of there because of the memories of my indiscretions and other reasons. And the house needs to be sold because I'm on the track to foreclosure anyway.

I'm just not ready to put myself in the position to be back in the same scenario I have been for the last 2 years and even longer. Unhappy, not in love, not sure I ever was when I think back over the years. And ready to move on. But she has her emotional claws in me so far that it seems REALLY hard to make the break. I feel like I'm being a jerk even though I don't have anything to give her. And I tell her this too, but she's too emotional to handle it well. And I don't want to hurt her either. But there's no true love there.

Oh my, and when I was a teenager I thought adult life would be full of adventure, joy, love, fulfillment, who knows what else. It's hard, really hard.

HD


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

This may sound harsh. But it seems that you are not really a marriage material. Yet you still get married and admitted that you were never in love. Can you put yourself in your wife shoes? You cheated on her, you never loved her and then you want to leave her. How much more selfish can one get? Perhaps, leaving her is the best thing for her since she deserves to be with someone who truly wants her. It seems that you have been emotionally abusing her more so that she ever did to you. Sorry that it sounds harsh, but really you may never find happiness with someone else until you fix yourself first. Please make sure you love a person and then you can love them for a long term before you decides to give another try with marriage.


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