# For BS two or more years out......how's the intimacy



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

I wasn't sure where to put this topic but seems more applicable here than in the other one.

What sort of sex or intimate life do you have after infidelity? Has it improved or no more drive? How often? Has anyone become like teenagers again or sexless?

Hold hands, kissing, hugging. Are you guys still doing these things with the WS?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

It's great. I hold hands, kiss, and hug all the time. My kids and girls I date. 

My EX can go pound sand... and her AP for all I care.


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## Red Rain (Mar 6, 2013)

I am also interested in the answers to this intimacy question. I am 18 months post DD and am unable to be intimate with my WS. We can hold hands and hug, but sex is not happening. The passion died with the loss of trust. The specialness died with the mind movies.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Red Rain said:


> I am also interested in the answers to this intimacy question. I am 18 months post DD and am unable to be intimate with my WS. We can hold hands and hug, but sex is not happening. The passion died with the loss of trust. The specialness died with the mind movies.


RedRain, have you had sex since DDay or it just dwindled after a period of time during R?


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

We had HB the first 10-12 months, slowly declining to what it was pre-affair, 1-3 times a week.
What has changed is the emotional component during sex for me. It's different, more physical, less emotional and intimate.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

cpacan said:


> We had HB the first 10-12 months, slowly declining to what it was pre-affair, 1-3 times a week.
> What has changed is the emotional component during sex for me. It's different, more physical, less emotional and intimate.


Can you wife tell the difference? So what about the other emotional intimate stuff, kissing and etc.....


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

HB lasted several months, then back to 2 or 3 times per week most weeks, 1 time per week some weeks. My drive has definetly dropped. We snuggle more, but sometimes sex is a trigger for me. If I try, I can usually push past that then enjoy it, but sometimes it's just no good.

When she sees I'm hurting, her reaction is to start to get sexual. That's not helping. I've told her to back off when she sees that I'm hurting. Just be there and once I'm through it I'll initiate. She doesn't always listen. It takes more than good sex to rebuild intimacy. It takes emotional honesty and almost 2 years past Dday we are not there yet.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

asia said:


> I wasn't sure where to put this topic but seems more applicable here than in the other one.
> 
> What sort of sex or intimate life do you have after infidelity? Has it improved or no more drive? How often? Has anyone become like teenagers again or sexless?
> 
> Hold hands, kissing, hugging.


I am having the greatest sex and intimacy of my life. More than I can stand actually! It's great!



asia said:


> Are you guys still doing these things with the WS?


OH HELL NO


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

So from most of the ones that responded, the ones who are thriving sexually are the ones that divorced? 

I guess that is telling......


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

asia said:


> Can you wife tell the difference? So what about the other emotional intimate stuff, kissing and etc.....


Maybe she can tell, but actually her affair revealed that sexually, we're kind of reversed - she's more into quickies and I'm the one looking for emotions and passion. I always thought it was the other way around. 

I've changed a bit on this because my feelings have changed also. I guess many would say we're doing OK.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

mine didnt change drastically before and post affair....i guess am one of those few cases where sex was and has never been an issue, neither intimacy except for a couple weeks after dday. if anything is more intense now a year after dday...mind movies never bothered me in this aspect, thou they do bother me emotionally, but not sexually....


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Mine changed as before I was recovering from a hip replacement and there was no sex. We had even had a talk about it as he says "prior to the first time" (I don't believe him I think he already had just needed to talk so his guilt was covered.) and I validated his unhappiness along with mine. Since this was going to be the last surgery and the weight had already started to fall off as I predicted. I asked him to please be a little more patient and I promise things will change drastically for the both of us, then We talked about our anniversary and how important it was to us. So after he got out of jail he used condoms and it was HB as I had gone just as long without sex because of the pain. I wanted to make up for lost time. Hey my WH is still a good laid and I can compartmentalize with the best of them. However the OW keeps showing up (in my mind)after or during putting a major damper on my spirit totally destroys the after glow. Then HB takes a down turn seems he got old overnight sort of caught up to his age well I was the first to complain he didn't have a problem while he was out and about so WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW? I want more sex and he best perform or I will be forced to go else where just like he did. What a great excuse worked for you it should work just a well for me. (he didn't like that idea.). Since his excuse was I wasn't happy well guess what? I'm not happy either. He doesn't want an open marriage fine then he has to take care of what he has at home. My WH has always been good sex for me in more ways than I will give him credit there is just something about him that makes me melt. I have not figured out what that something is yet but until I do I am going to enjoy every minute I can. intimacy? well I don't think he knows what that is and I am not ready to open up my heart for him anytime soon.:corkysm60:


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

I will echo some of the posts, after HB its been down some I really just don't feel like it and when I do it's more of the physical act for me not much in the way of intimacy or passion.
Don't get me wrong I still enjoy myself, but for me the closeness is gone, not sure she knows or can tell she hasn't said anything although she has been initiating and much more touchy-feely especially with my frank and beans. FRANK AND BEANS 

Maybe it's an age thing and I am slowing down some sexually but probably a combination of both age and her cheating.

My overall thought is that after 2 years and the constant mental turmoil it just wears on you emotionally and physically, I had 3 colds this winter haven't had 3 colds in the past 10 years so I am hoping it's not a trend.


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## krebszaoyad (Apr 9, 2014)

I am also interested in the answers to this intimacy question.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I kiss, hold hands, have tons of sex more now that ever...almost 1/2 a year after D-day

with my 2 friends-with-benifits

my ex wife can go to hell, along with the ex boss she is banging again...


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

My W and I are 2yrs out in our R.

How is intimacy between us? Good, there does seem to be a whole new level of intimacy and emotional honesty.

How has sex changed between us post A? HB lasted about a year, it was almost awesome, just found myself feeling crappy after for some reason, it was kind of a desire to reclaim my W but the biggest part of me actually felt as though that thought and feeling should have never entered the equation. There is a lot of new adventure in the bedroom(and outside of it too ), we share more of our time together doing stuff together, date night is the greatest night of the week(also coincides with my day off now we live apart )

For us now, things have changed a lot due to her moving out of state with her rider, they are an hours drive away and although I could go over anytime, we have hit my busy period again so no time in the evenings  But we do have great sex, we do share our thoughts and feelings more readily too.

Not sure if that helps or if it is anywhere near what you are looking for?


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