# Should he move out or stay in the same house?



## Mirosita619

Hi. Im 32 yrs old. Currently going through a separation with my husband of 8 years, we have been together for 14 yrs this year.. i was talking with someone else over the phone and he found out. Although i never cheated on him physically, i still disrespected him by talking to another guy. I guess routine and him being not home so much made me feel bored & started doing this. It takes 2 for a relationship to either work out or go down hill. 
Anyway after he found out, i suggested separating and i needed my space to think about us and i just asked for space, which he didnt really respect. He was still trying to convince me and was kissing me and hugging me and all that. Well 2 months passed by and he started talking to another female. He was seeing her in person. I found out and talked to him and he says she is not important and is just a friend. 
He says he doesnt talk to her any longer but he is the one who wants a separation this time. He wont want to leave the house though, we have a newborn and he thinks he wont want to miss things out on him. I suggested to work things out but i now understand trying to force him wont help. I know what he is going through. Because i went through it and he wants his space, thats what i have asked for the first time. 
The thing is.. should i accept him staying here? Or should i just ask him to move out see if that helps better and maybe miss each other? You know.. to have time to think alone. 
We get along good.. we dont fight or argue its like if we were good friends but im starting to think staying in the same house wont make us appreciate each other.. need some advice please


----------



## Andy1001

If you both are serious about working on your marriage then why on earth would you separate?


----------



## SunnyT

Have you considered marriage counseling? Ya'll need to learn to turn to each other instead of others. To lean on each other and appreciate each other. If he won't do marriage counseling, maybe get a few books to read on having a successful marriage. 

I wouldn't move out yet. Not if you are still figuring out how to make it work. It's harder to make it work if you are separated. 

Unless he refuses to try to work with you.... then you start considering options.


----------



## Mirosita619

Andy1001 said:


> If you both are serious about working on your marriage then why on earth would you separate?


I didnt say he wants to work it out. He wants to split up but wont leave the house. So my question was, if i should insist for him to move out to see if we miss each other and maybe after that we can work it out. Because i feel like we arent doing anything to fix things living in the same house. But im scared he wont want to after he leaves. So i dont know if he should leave or stay and workit out although he doesnt really want to. So maybe if he leaves he would miss me.. or he wont.


----------



## Mirosita619

SunnyT said:


> Have you considered marriage counseling? Ya'll need to learn to turn to each other instead of others. To lean on each other and appreciate each other. If he won't do marriage counseling, maybe get a few books to read on having a successful marriage.
> 
> I wouldn't move out yet. Not if you are still figuring out how to make it work. It's harder to make it work if you are separated.
> 
> Unless he refuses to try to work with you.... then you start considering options.


He wont want to go to get help. I even talked to our pastors and he got upset about that. So i was wondering if maybe he leaves the house he would re consider working something out.. and he still feels the same then ill leave it alone and just process with the divorce. Living in the same house its just not really helping i think. He is too comfortable here but wont want to reconcile with me. I wonder if he would miss me if we dont see each other everyday


----------



## Andy1001

Mirosita619 said:


> I didnt say he wants to work it out. He wants to split up but wont leave the house. So my question was, if i should insist for him to move out to see if we miss each other and maybe after that we can work it out. Because i feel like we arent doing anything to fix things living in the same house. But im scared he wont want to after he leaves. So i dont know if he should leave or stay and workit out although he doesnt really want to. So maybe if he leaves he would miss me.. or he wont.


Why should he be the one to leave his home and lose daily contact with his baby?
Is it your house or in both your names. 
If he’s been talking to a lawyer the first thing he will be told is not to leave the marital home. You “could” claim abandonment in a divorce hearing. 
To be honest you come across as very entitled. You admit you were cheating and when he found out he tried for two months to reconcile. I think you were mourning your affair partner and probably succeeded in pushing your husband away completely. 
Judging by you stating that you have a newborn at home, would that mean that when you were talking to the other guy you were pregnant?


----------



## MattMatt

@Mirosita619 This is a mess, isn't it?

You started this by having an emotional affair. 

What do you propose to do to fix your marriage?


----------



## Lostinthought61

legally whose name is on the mortgage or lease...if both your names are on it you do not have the right to ask him to leave if he does not want too.


----------



## Robbie1234

Mirosita619 said:


> I didnt say he wants to work it out. He wants to split up but wont leave the house. So my question was, if i should insist for him to move out to see if we miss each other and maybe after that we can work it out. Because i feel like we arent doing anything to fix things living in the same house. But im scared he wont want to after he leaves. So i dont know if he should leave or stay and workit out although he doesnt really want to. So maybe if he leaves he would miss me.. or he wont.


As other people have said, why should he leave his home because of your cheating. When you talked to your pastor did you tell him everything or just the parts that makes your husband look bad.


----------



## dreamer2017

I agree with the other posters, you have a sense of entitlement. You started this by cheating on your husband and he tried desperately, to make the marriage work but you wanted your AP. You wanted your space and you have yet to say if you are still in contact with your AP. What are your plans on making the relationship work? Do you plan on moving out of the home? You need to start telling the whole truth to everyone.


----------



## sa58

Mirosita619 said:


> Hi. Im 32 yrs old. Currently going through a separation with my husband of 8 years, we have been together for 14 yrs this year.. i was talking with someone else over the phone and he found out. Although i never cheated on him physically, i still disrespected him by talking to another guy. I guess routine and him being not home so much made me feel bored & started doing this. It takes 2 for a relationship to either work out or go down hill.
> Anyway after he found out, i suggested separating and i needed my space to think about us and i just asked for space, which he didnt really respect. He was still trying to convince me and was kissing me and hugging me and all that. Well 2 months passed by and he started talking to another female. He was seeing her in person. I found out and talked to him and he says she is not important and is just a friend.
> He says he doesnt talk to her any longer but he is the one who wants a separation this time. He wont want to leave the house though, we have a newborn and he thinks he wont want to miss things out on him. I suggested to work things out but i now understand trying to force him wont help. I know what he is going through. Because i went through it and he wants his space, thats what i have asked for the first time.
> The thing is.. should i accept him staying here? Or should i just ask him to move out see if that helps better and maybe miss each other? You know.. to have time to think alone.
> We get along good.. we dont fight or argue its like if we were good friends but im starting to think staying in the same house wont make us appreciate each other.. need some advice please


So you had an emotional affair, then he found out. 
For two months he tried to work things out. You wanted a separation 
He then started talking to another woman and you found out. You wanted 
to know why ? Now you want to work things out, but now he wants a separation.
This may qualify as a revenge affair, you did it so he did ? Back and forth will get
both of you no where. You both need counseling and decide what your future plans 
are. 

He should not leave and miss out on his child, neither should you.
If you both decide it is over then divorce and settle everything. 
Did you talk to him and tell him how you felt before talking to 
another guy ? Just like you said it takes two people for a relationship
to work. He needs to do the same. That is called communication and 
it takes that to make a relationship work also. Try counseling open and 
honest talking and working things out. You both messed this up and you 
both have to work to fix it, or end it. From this post I think you and him 
both want to fix things, just not sure how. A counselor may be able to help.


----------



## personofinterest

Mirosita619 said:


> Hi. Im 32 yrs old. Currently going through a separation with my husband of 8 years, we have been together for 14 yrs this year.. i was talking with someone else over the phone and he found out. Although i never cheated on him physically, i still disrespected him by talking to another guy. *I guess routine and him being not home so much made me feel bored & started doing this. It takes 2 for a relationship to either work out or go down hill. *
> Anyway after he found out, i suggested separating and i needed my space to think about us and i just asked for space, which he didnt really respect. He was still trying to convince me and was kissing me and hugging me and all that. Well 2 months passed by and he started talking to another female. He was seeing her in person. I found out and talked to him and he says she is not important and is just a friend.
> He says he doesnt talk to her any longer but he is the one who wants a separation this time. He wont want to leave the house though, we have a newborn and he thinks he wont want to miss things out on him. I suggested to work things out but i now understand trying to force him wont help. I know what he is going through. Because i went through it and he wants his space, thats what i have asked for the first time.
> The thing is.. should i accept him staying here? Or should i just ask him to move out see if that helps better and maybe miss each other? You know.. to have time to think alone.
> We get along good.. we dont fight or argue its like if we were good friends but im starting to think staying in the same house wont make us appreciate each other.. need some advice please


When YOU cheated, you blamed him (see the bolded. Now that he has done exactly what you did, you want him gone. You should first deal with that particular hypocrisy.

Second, you both need better boundaries and to grow up for the sake of your child. Alone time doesn't fix a marriage. Taken responsibility and prioritizing each other does.


----------

