# I don't know what to do



## tada4567 (Jun 18, 2008)

I'm on my second marriage. I have two children from a previous marriage. Always a stay at home parent. Continued that way after my divorce as my ex-spouse is generous. I have one child with my current husband.

We have been married 5 years. He hates that I don't work. When I met him he had no credit, assets to speak of. He still doesn't. Couple months ago he decided he wanted separate finances. I fought it at first. My income is about 25k more a year than his. I have always towed the line on savings, etc. He pays his share of the expenses. If we go out to eat one must say if they are paying for the other. I have done it a few times and so has he. I was a little annoyed when he went to an all day event of his the other day and said to take our daughter to the store, spend no more than 20 on a toy and take her to lunch. I was a little low on funds seeing as I pay for all the repairs around this house (I own it and he does not and a he signed a prenup) and have two other children to be responsible for. So I said you won't even pay for a $5 lunch for me. 

Sure maybe I shouldn't have said it but I felt if he was gone all day the least he could offer was lunch. He lives here and pays 1/3 of the mortgage as rent. Which, is considerably less than what he would be charged in rent for a similar place. He said when we went to separate finances he would cover everything for our daughter. Now he is annoyed at that. He makes a low salary. One that he could not live even by himself on without sacrificing a lot. He is 7k in credit card debt due mostly to an expensive hobby he has and recently bought himself a three year old used car on a 6 1/2 year loan. In other words, he makes bad financial decisions.

I, on the other hand, have retirement money and savings and a home. I guess I am worried about when we are older and he would expect me to foot his retirement. He says he wouldn't and if needs to work, he will. 

I know this is a jumbled mess all over the place but I have so much on my mind. I have no friends to talk to about this either. Yes, he has good points. He is funny, great to be around when we aren't discussing money. He always tells me how much he has had to put up with in regard to my ex husband and my kids. He will do stuff for them if it is needed to be done. I don't deny that. He claims the small price in rent makes up for what he does deal with around here. I don't get it. I've asked why he is here and he says he is because he wants to.

He is not one to be mushy or discuss feelings. That is ok with me but sometimes I wish he realized that not everyone is like that. Especially not me. Today he was mad because he saw that I made a big payment on a credit card of mine. He said he asked me a few days ago if I made any extra payments (when he wouldn't offer lunch for me) and I said no. So today he was made because I said I had no extra money but paid toward a credit card. Yes, I paid it off unlike what he does, which is charge and pay minimums.

If you can make any sense of this that would be great. Like I said I have no one else to talk to about this. My fear is that he uses me. He says that is ridiculous due to what he deals with around here with children that aren't his.

I'm wondering if I should just go to not asking him to even mow the lawn (because it's not his house you know) and if we go out somewhere insisting on paying my own way. 

Thanks for any input. I'm desperate to figure out if this relationship or any relationship is for me.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well since you two signed a prenup and you don't even treat him equal then what rights does he have. You live in your home, he rents. At one time I owned a lot. My credit was great I owned commercial property etc. I made 4 or 5 times what my wife did. She lived in my house rent and bill free other then loans she had prior to me and a car I co-signed so she could have a vehicle. The point is that it was our house even though I was in the same situation as you I never considered us seperate but equal. Now the roles are reversed and since my MD I lost everything and she makes more money then me. My wife never second guesses to pay for stuff etc. I think you really need to put yourself in your husbands shoes. You use 70% of your house and he pays a third to "rent". Well any landlord/tenant agreement would have the responciblity of the property on the landlord not the tenant.

draconis


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