# Man today sucks...



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Yesterday H was pretty short with me and made me realize that something was up. I think the main thing is he is enjoying his freedom....that's fine. I don't really get that luxury because I have the kids and I wouldn't have it any other way 

Well today I had to text him twice about something important and once he was very short with me and the other time he didn't even respond. I guess I just didn't really expect him too but still. It makes me think that there is already someone in the picture for him....well I guess there was before he left:scratchhead: 

This is going on the 3rd week he has been gone and I just feel so numb right now. I really can't 'get out' of the house right now and I desperately need too. I know this will get better but I feel like at the moment I am the only one in this situation that really is having to process anything. His biggest concerns are just his bitterness with the money. I guess I can't force anyone to do anything and that is fine....I just needed to vent


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Of course there's someone else...no one (especially men) leave unless they have some tap waiting in the wings...IYKWIM!!!:smthumbup:


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I know this and it sucks but I am coming around. I always had a feeling he wouldn't leave until there was someone else. He has not been alone since he was a teenager and he is far from that now. He goes from one relationship to another. I hope it works out and he is happy because by him not working on himself and the extremely ugly side he has been showing coming back to his family is pretty much off the table at this point.


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## lostinlove1 (May 10, 2010)

finallyseewhy, hang in there. I know it is hard, but try to start building a life with you and the kids. Strength is something we find within ourselves, dig deep and be the happy that you found out now what he is truly like - you deserve peace and happiness in your life, we all do - it is his loss. Stay strong, don't let his actions get you down, being single and happy is better then being married and miserable. Best of luck.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I can understand that you feel alone in this situation because you are the one that is hurting the most, where as they, they feel that they are doing better of. At least that is what my H told me. But I have been told that perhaps that is a show that they are putting. My H feels better without me he says and I also know that he is just going out with friends so that he wont deal with his emotions. While I just want to wallow in my pain, and I can't seem to escape it. You have your kids and they must give you strength to keep you going so at least you have that to get you going. I hope that this phase of our lives are could be over soon, but then how else will we learn.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

PreludeCkN said:


> I also know that he is just going out with friends so that he wont deal with his emotions.


That stage of happiness is a sing of relief, when they are healed they will be able to start thinking about the future.

Each individual is different and would take a different amount of time to reflect on the relationship.

I have a friend that separated 1 year ago, he swore that it was over. He never divorced, his wife asked for the divorce after 7 months something like that. Well, they never got to start the process and now although he tells me he isn't ready to get back together, he isn't sure anymore that it is over. 

He says, if I ever want to be with a woman forever, that will be her. The problem for the last few months he says is that when he is leaning towards reconciliation, she does something stupid and he decides not to.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I guess if they really wanted a divorce and the feelings were truly gone they would have asked for a divorce in 5 minutes. I don't know what his thinking process is but I hope that he will also change his mind. I too have a friend (i hope its not the same one lol) that has been separated for 7 months and he wanted the separation but never really thought of divorce. He is just working on himself, but is not also thinking about reconciliation. He also told me that he too said some horrible things to his wife when he wanted a separation because he wanted to convince himself that this is what he wanted. He says he does love her and the one time he try to work things out she did something stupid and so that set him back. I know that my H would rather repressed feeling than deal with them, I mean this is why we are here. He told me he was unhappy for years and never told me. We could have worked things out, gotten help but he never said nothing, he acted happy he said. It was just a show.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Its all really hard isn't it...and confusion is nothing new...and you are the one home with the kids. You feel trapped perhaps. I wouldn't let him strap you home with the kids. Why don't you get him to take them for a weekend or an evening and go out with a friend...get some "me" time in. We have to nuture ourselves through this and it comes from deep within. I am reading e-mails from men coming in to my husband that are questionable now again like "hey bud you want to chat sometime, I will e-mail you seperately." "I need to re-load our meeting for Tuesday" reload??? Is it me or does this sound fishy?? I am really believing he is gay or bi and in the closet.My gut says there is so much more that I don't know. I am planning a trip to central america by myself in the summer and he booked the flights for me. Now tell me...if you were really wanting to save a marriage would you let your wife go away alone. He is a highly confused man saying one thing but his actions say another.
tough times but will will get through it chin up!!!!


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Thank you all  I don't want to say I am 'trapped' because he is seeing/picking up the boys almost everyday but it is different. I decided that next week I am going to start going out at least one day and going shopping, to the salon or something just for myself. I don't think I can afford NOT to do this.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well he just called me to talk about the boys and I asked him if he was doing OK and he sort of snapped and asked me why I cared  He thought I didn't care and that he wasn't living the 'high life' He sort of tried to bait me and I remained calm/polite.


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

My estranged husband baits me all the time and I recently realized it. He does this so I will react back ( by snapping back) and he can justify his actions and behaviors if he is mad. I'm still working on the remaining calm/polite part, but I am doing better with it.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

cmf-yep this is exactly what I am going through if I snap back or get mad then it is OK the way he is acting or what he is doing. I have learned what it means, 'killing them with kindness'


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

I got to see my wife today. My kids were supposed to be with me this weekend, but due to the holiday here and family coming in I let them stay home to see their cousins. Went up today to do some work/cleanup and take them out dirt biking, which went really good. Asked my wife if she had 5 or 10 minutes to talk. Basically asked her if she had thought at all about reconciling, she told me that she had not as she has been so busy, which is true. You would think that in 5 weeks she might have thought about it once or twice, though. Told her that was ok, but that I would like to try it if she was interested, but that there would have to be alot of changed on both our parts to even begin trying. Said I want to know for sure by the end of the summer, as we need to start figuring the finances out if we are done. She says not much to figure, no assets and lots of debt. I didn't say anything, but our house is worth about double what we still owe on it, so if she wants to keep it she will need to buy me out. I can see this becoming a big mess in the future. She looked really good, honestly didn't recognize her at first, she has really frizzy hair and had straightened it all. I just wanted to hold her tight, but obviously couldn't. There is no way I could see her everyday, it would drive me nuts. Other than seeing the kids today, this long weekend pretty much sucked.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

seems that the talk was pretty civil. Do you really think she hasn't thought about it, I am sure she has but might be scared to think about it. I hope that things with finances do not get out of hand because that will really cause more problems. Hang in there, and I hope she comes around.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Hurtin' I am with prelude she has had to think about it she just might not of wanted to say some anything at the moment.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

I agree, of course she has, she just can't communicate, even now when there is really nothing to lose. We talk and I look her in the eye, she always looks away. I also know in my heart that we will never get back together, but the desire is still there. 

Back to work tomorrow, that should take my mind off things. Then set up the suspension on my street bike or go dirt bike riding after work, it'll keep me busy for awhile. Either way, two wheels and no outside thoughts will do me some good.


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