# So upset, hurt, and confused



## Piercinggirl (Dec 14, 2012)

10 months ago my husband and I separated. We were sharing verbal custody of our now 9 year old daughter for awhile. It was agreed that I would have her for a week and he would have her for a week. It worked out fine for awhile. Here lately the husband started getting it in his head that where I lived, it was not a good environment for our daughter (I was living with another man and his 2 kids that I have known for years). So my husband started keeping her with him not allowing her to stay with me and only way I can see her was if I went over to his place, to her school, or when they were in town. A few weeks ago, my husband was wanting me to move back in and told my daughter I was. But when I didn't move back in he told my daughter I was a bad and unfit mom and a player and a liar. It was to the point my daughter didn't want to talk to me for awhile. Now it is repeating again today. I have bad anxiety and most of the time I am in what I call my comfort area (bedroom with movies and laptop) My husband again expects me to move back in today or else. I really don't want to but I am afraid if I don't he will threaten me with my daughter and tell her I have abandon her and I am an unfit mom and a liar. He knows I am not feeling well but he don't seem to care. What should I do? I don't want my daughter to think I am a bad parent. When I did have her with me I made sure she was taken care of, fed, bathed, got things she needed. Was taken to school. Taken to the doctor if she needed to go, etc! Am I a bad mom?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need a lawyer ASAP!! 

What is your situation with where you are staying, is this person someone you are having a relationship with? Or is he a friend who opened his home to you and your daughter?


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## Piercinggirl (Dec 14, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> You need a lawyer ASAP!!
> 
> What is your situation with where you are staying, is this person someone you are having a relationship with? Or is he a friend who opened his home to you and your daughter?


It was a friend at first as we knew each other for years but turning more towards a relationship.


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## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

Did you leave you husband for this other man?
Are you currently in a physical relationship with this other man?


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## Piercinggirl (Dec 14, 2012)

Madman1 said:


> Did you leave you husband for this other man?
> Are you currently in a physical relationship with this other man?



To be honest, yes I did. At that time my husband and I were both in a verbal agreement that we should separate and that during the separation we could see other people and yes to the physical. Or, was. Since Anxiety has struck, I have kept to myself.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Piercinggirl said:


> It was a friend at first as we knew each other for years but turning more towards a relationship.


No offense, but this is exactly why your husband doesn't want your daughter over there. And he has justification for his request. Many separation agreements have a "morality" clause in them, restricting spouses from introducing new partners to the kids for a period of time. It's bad enough that the kids get their worlds turned over by the divorce, but attachments to another "parent" too soon just make it worse, especially when the rebound relationship fails as its likely to. 

Focus on what's right for your child. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Piercinggirl (Dec 14, 2012)

PBear said:


> No offense, but this is exactly why your husband doesn't want your daughter over there. And he has justification for his request. Many separation agreements have a "morality" clause in them, restricting spouses from introducing new partners to the kids for a period of time. It's bad enough that the kids get their worlds turned over by the divorce, but attachments to another "parent" too soon just make it worse, especially when the rebound relationship fails as its likely to.
> 
> Focus on what's right for your child.
> 
> ...


That's what I am asking, should I move back in just for my child or take everything through divorce and child custody? With my husband, though he takes a lot of pain pills and anti-depressants, I Never stopped my daughter from seeing.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How about none of the above? Get a platonic (preferably female) roommate, and see your male friend when you don't have your child. Get the divorce and custody agreements done while you do so. Once you're divorced, you might have a better understanding of where your new relationship is going and if its stable enough to introduce your child into it. 

Just my $0.02... As an FYI, I've been separated for over two years, and seeing someone for a big chunk of that. And she's never met my kids, and won't until my divorce is done. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Piercinggirl (Dec 14, 2012)

PBear said:


> How about none of the above? Get a platonic (preferably female) roommate, and see your male friend when you don't have your child. Get the divorce and custody agreements done while you do so. Once you're divorced, you might have a better understanding of where your new relationship is going and if its stable enough to introduce your child into it.
> 
> Just my $0.02... As an FYI, I've been separated for over two years, and seeing someone for a big chunk of that. And she's never met my kids, and won't until my divorce is done.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your help. My first time being married and new to this. I am just scared that he will turn my daughter away from me again like he did last time.


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## Piercinggirl (Dec 14, 2012)

Going for an attorney. Now he told me that because I was not going to move back in today that I am nothing but a liar and a unfit mom and now has my daughter so upset. I am so stressed out now. I know it is all my fault. I asked if I could move in tomorrow because I was not feeling well. I was going to move back in to try to patch things back up but he said today or no go. I hate my life and just want to cry.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What did you do?


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