# "Taking the Lead" = Taking the initiative?



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Is this what I've been missing and failing to understand? I've had trouble differentiating between taking the lead and being controlling. Specifically, I've wondered how a man takes the lead if the woman doesn't cooperate by following.

But something I read (on Glover's site ) seemed to indicate it is more about taking initiative, or leading by suggestion. Instead of asking what she wants to do or telling her what to do, you suggest doing something (in an assertive rather than wishy-washy manner). She then has the option to accept or decline, and if she declines, to come up with an alternative. Is that how it works? Have I fulfilled my leadership responsibility simply by offering a suggestion?

For example, dinner tonight, do you:

1. Ask "What do you want to do for dinner"
2. Tell her "We're going to such-and-such, get ready"
3. Suggest "Let's go to such-and-such, haven't had Bangladeshi food in a while.

From what I understand, #3 is the "correct" option.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Joey2k said:


> Is this what I've been missing and failing to understand? I've had trouble differentiating between taking the lead and being controlling. Specifically, I've wondered how a man takes the lead if the woman doesn't cooperate by following.
> 
> But something I read (on Glover's site ) seemed to indicate it is more about taking initiative, or leading by suggestion. Instead of asking what she wants to do or telling her what to do, you suggest doing something (in an assertive rather than wishy-washy manner). She then has the option to accept or decline, and if she declines, to come up with an alternative. Is that how it works? Have I fulfilled my leadership responsibility simply by offering a suggestion?
> 
> ...


1 is deadly. Either 2 or 3 is better.

3 is usually the best choice, but sometimes 2 is necessary if you have been wishy-washy up to that point.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

The answer depends on the woman. Not all women like to be led, but the majority do to varying extents. I like #2 and #3. If I were to do #2 to a woman that puts up resistance I'd lead into it with "I have a surprise for you..." this way it is harder for her to decline. Some women will $hit test you regarding #3, so if that happens have a backup plan like start cooking macaroni and cheese. Don't let it lead into her declining your invitation and then controlling where you end up taking her.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

So continuing with the dinner example.

If you go with #2 and she says no, how to respond? You have basically given her an order, she has refused. If you back down and agree to do something else, you lose face and she loses respect for you. If you push even harder for your choice, you become a controlling jerk.

If you go with #3, what if she declines. Maybe you offer another suggestion, which she also declines. She does not then offer a suggestion of her own. What do you do then? 

a) Tell her you are going to such-and-such restaurant, and she can join you if she wants? That seems pretty jerky.

b) Get frustrated and angrily tell her that if she doesn't like your ideas she needs to come up with a suggestion herself? Even I can tell this is a bad idea for several reasons.

c) Give up and skip dinner entirely, and go watch TV? Another bad idea.

(Sadly, b and c are my natural inclinations)

And an overall question: how do you lead someone who won't follow?


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Why does B have to result in anger? Can't you just say "is there somewhere else you'd rather go?"

That way you have still 'taken the lead' and announced that dinner will be out.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> And an overall question: how do you lead someone who won't follow?


Why would you? 

A person who does not want to be led won't find your leading to be particularly attractive. Leading is a means to an end for the right couple, not an end in itself. If your partner is truly more satisfied with "Where would you like to go to dinner tonight - I have some ideas" - why wouldn't you go that route? 

Like I always say - the right tool for the job.

If you have a partner who is neither satisfied with being led nor being an equal, but would rather be the leader herself, at least some of the time, are you afraid to follow? Worried that you won't appear alpha or manly enough to arouse her?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'd like to try that new Bangladesh restaurant tonight, would you like to join me? 

Then go, regardless of her answer.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Why does B have to result in anger? Can't you just say "is there somewhere else you'd rather go?"
> 
> That way you have still 'taken the lead' and announced that dinner will be out.


That would be choice d), and it definitely sounds better than any of mine

EDIT-Thinking about it further, suppose she answers no but still declines all your suggestions.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Cletus said:


> *If you have a partner who is neither satisfied with being led nor being an equal, but would rather be the leader herself*, at least some of the time, are you afraid to follow? Worried that you won't appear alpha or manly enough to arouse her?


Sometimes it feels like none of these are what she wants.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> Sometimes it feels like none of these are what she wants.


That sounds like something that needs more attention - "I don't want to lead, I don't want you to either, but I won't respect you if you don't".

So what does she want? Do you know?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
why is 1 bad? Whats wrong with asking someone where they want to go to dinner? We have a bunch of restaurants we like near us - if I don't happen to have a preference at the moment, why not see if my wife does?





technovelist said:


> 1 is deadly. Either 2 or 3 is better.
> 
> 3 is usually the best choice, but sometimes 2 is necessary if you have been wishy-washy up to that point.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I don't think there is a formula for leadership. I think it is more of an attitude.

To me, a leader is not controlled by his emotions. He can set aside his pride, his hurt feelings, his frustration with his partner and try to understand where she is coming from, and then brainstorm a solution with her that they both can live with, and ideally would delight them.

"I was thinking we should go out for dinner. I know you like Ethiopian food. How about trying that place over in xyz?"


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> why is 1 bad? Whats wrong with asking someone where they want to go to dinner? We have a bunch of restaurants we like near us - if I don't happen to have a preference at the moment, why not see if my wife does?


This is counter-intuitive, but if you ask your wife what she wants to do too much of the time, rather than being pleased to be able to make the decision, she is likely to get annoyed at your lack of leadership. Then she is more likely to employ a "fitness test" to see if you can actually lead.

Note that none of this is necessarily at the conscious level; it's the result of the limbic system.

Ok, now cue the radical feminists in 3..2..1...


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Joey2k said:


> For example, dinner tonight, do you:
> 
> 1. Ask "What do you want to do for dinner"
> 2. Tell her "We're going to such-and-such, get ready"
> ...


I asked my husband this question and here's his response:
"Women consider a man the leader when they like his decisions and controlling when they don't.":grin2:


In all honesty though, he did tell me that, as others have said, it depends on the woman. 

Some like the commanding tone of #2 which would p!ss others off.

Some like #3 because it still gives them input on the decision (Yea/Nay) but removes the difficult task of coming up the plan. It's simple.

I can't say I know many women who like #1. It puts the onus of planning on them. 

If you choose to take #3 approach, I would suggest you word it like this "I'm in the mood for {blah}. Unless you've got any objections we're headed to XYZ for dinner".


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have been that guy number 1 before with disasterous results. 

I guess my view currently is a bit different. I look to lead my own life and if someone wants to come with great, if not that's fine too. Kinda putting myself first for the first time in my life and it works great.

So I would say I am hungry for Chinese tonight and then I want to see this movie after. Do you want to come. If she says no then I still go by myself or see if a friend will join. So I don't tell her what to do, I tell her what I am going to do, and invite her to follow.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I've been told there's only one thing unsexier than an indecisive guy, and that's a controlling guy.

Just be able to make a decision about what you want, voice that opinion, and yet be open to hearing what she wants to do.

That's it.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

"Let's get something out. Do you have a preference?" If she does not, continue with "Let's try that new place on Y Street." 

Asking where she wants to eat is not a problem. Getting into the endless round of "I dunno. What do you wanna do?" back and forth is a problem. If she doesn't have a suggestion, make one yourself and see how that's received. If she doesn't like that but still won't offer her own suggestion, just say "Well, I think I'm going to X. Want to go with me?" And then go, whether she goes with you or not. 

A man who felt the need to order me around, and worry about what to do if I don't obey him, is not someone I would be in a relationship with. That does _not_ work for me.


----------



## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

1 really sucks 
2 really sucks 
3 meh suggest? weak

IF you want to LEAD, here are some examples

BTW my wife does not like making plans or deciding but she does like to offer input and then let me take charge

Lets go to dinner at Ecstasy Eatery
Im not hungry
When do you think you might be
Few hours 
OK lets hit the movies first (or look for those new curtains we need for the bathroom) and then go eat

Lets go to dinner at Ectasy Eatery
Im in the mood for Chinese
Sounds great Wong hung dong it is. lets go

Lets go to dinner. Im in the mood for Italian
I am so tired.
I will order in and go pick it up I am having the itialian trio shall I order you the same?

Lets go to dinner in 1 hour
Can we go now
Sure I will warm the car and gas up at the corner station. I will be back in 15 minutes to leave

Lets go to dinner on Saturday to crab shack with the smiths
I don't like the smiths
Then I will see if Joneses can go
I don't like the crab shack
I know you like steak house. I will make reservations for 8

I am going to dinner. Are you able to go with me?
No I have a project to finish
I can order in and help you with your project or leave you be and bring something back for you which would you prefer? 
will you help me when we get back?
Of course, lets go


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Without reading any responses, I get totally irritated when my husband says, "Lets go out tonight", I say "okay", and we get in the car and he says, "Where do you want to go?" If he has a plan, it makes me feel special like he's courting me again. Back then he was perfectly capable to planning great dates. It just seems lazy that he doesn't do that now or like it's chore that he needs to check off.


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> why is 1 bad? Whats wrong with asking someone where they want to go to dinner? We have a bunch of restaurants we like near us - if I don't happen to have a preference at the moment, why not see if my wife does?


My kids would die of starvation and I am not stretching the truth, much.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening 
Have you let him know that you prefer that he decide?

My personal rule is that if I don't care about a decision, I'll see if my wife does. 




soccermom2three said:


> Without reading any responses, I get totally irritated when my husband says, "Lets go out tonight", I say "okay", and we get in the car and he says, "Where do you want to go?" If he has a plan, it makes me feel special like he's courting me again. Back then he was perfectly capable to planning great dates. It just seems lazy that he doesn't do that now or like it's chore that he needs to check off.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

technovelist said:


> 1 is deadly. Either 2 or 3 is better.
> 
> 3 is usually the best choice, but sometimes 2 is necessary if you have been wishy-washy up to that point.


Wrong. Don't even think about telling me where we going for a dinner (unless you are taking me for a fantasy date). 

no. 1 and 3 would work for me much better.

Be careful not to get too tied by all the rules, suggestions,power dynamic, leadership, etc. Be flexible and remember: women are humans too. And we have different preferences.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I have been that guy number 1 before with disasterous results.
> 
> 
> So I would say I am hungry for Chinese tonight and then I want to see this movie after. Do you want to come. If she says no then I still go by myself or see if a friend will join. So I don't tell her what to do, I tell her what I am going to do, and invite her to follow.


For the married couple this is not a good suggestion. it is basically saying 'i want this, you do whatever you want iwth your dinner' . When you are single maybe.
Dinner is a family event.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> For the married couple this is not a good suggestion. it is basically saying 'i want this, you do whatever you want iwth your dinner' . When you are single maybe.
> Dinner is a family event.


It was never a suggestion for just married people. But when you defer your wants to another person often times you loose. It's also never one sided. My spouse says to me I want xyz for dinner want me to stop and get some or want to come out then I make a decision to join or not. That's the same married or not. No one person gets all the control
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> It was never a suggestion for just married people. But when you defer your wants to another person often times you loose. It's also never one sided. My spouse says to me I want xyz for dinner want me to stop and get some or want to come out then I make a decision to join or not. That's the same married or not. No one person gets all the control
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


it is not about control, it is about inclusion and choice and making decision together.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> it is not about control, it is about inclusion and choice and making decision together.


See and that's what I think this exactly is. Choice and making a decision to participate or not. As far as where to go the passionate one gets it. If you don't care than the general question becomes "hey I don't feel like cooking tonight, want to go out? Any idea where ?"And that can happen often.

But if I specifically want Chinese then I'm going to say hey I want Chinese. If she doesn't that's cool but I still want Chinese Same for her. I think that's all about choice
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> See and that's what I think this exactly is. Choice and making a decision to participate or not. As far as where to go the passionate one gets it. If you don't care than the general question becomes "hey I don't feel like cooking tonight, want to go out? Any idea where ?"And that can happen often.
> 
> But if I specifically want Chinese then I'm going to say hey I want Chinese. If she doesn't that's cool but I still want Chinese Same for her. I think that's all about choice
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this is fine with the roommates, or maybe with no children household. When you have family, you need to think more thank just what you want for dinner. I, as a woman and mother, can not say "I am going to eat chinese, you do whatever".


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> I think this is fine with the roommates, or maybe with no children household. When you have family, you need to think more thank just what you want for dinner. I, as a woman and mother, can not say "I am going to eat chinese, you do whatever".


Ok no where did I say you do whatever. It never comes out that way and I didn't state it as such You plan meals when your married, least I did, as I do now with my GF. But on nights when nothing is going on or for date night when we know we are going out this comes into play. I never stated you do "whatever".


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Ok no where did I say you do whatever. It never comes out that way and I didn't state it as such You plan meals when your married, least I did, as I do now with my GF. But on nights when nothing is going on or for date night when we know we are going out this comes into play. I never stated you do "whatever".


I don't udnerstand. The two of you are going out, and you say "I want Chinese" and she can stay home is she does not like it? No deciding together where to eat? You basically would say "take it or leave"? 
What am I missing here? 

For me on the night like this it would be "Where would you like to go" or 'Any suggestions where we could go?", or "where should we go" and talk about it together.


----------



## axiror (Oct 2, 2015)

I like to use pronoun "we" in such cases. Should we go together to eat ...... or What about eating ... It works for even dominant woman to lead her .


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> it is not about control, it is about inclusion and choice and making decision together.


I agree, I would always approach this as "I am thinking Chinese, want to hit Little China?"

I do know that if I go with option 1, I won't eat....


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> Is this what I've been missing and failing to understand? I've had trouble differentiating between taking the lead and being controlling. Specifically, I've wondered how a man takes the lead if the woman doesn't cooperate by following.
> 
> But something I read (on Glover's site ) seemed to indicate it is more about taking initiative, or leading by suggestion. Instead of asking what she wants to do or telling her what to do, you suggest doing something (in an assertive rather than wishy-washy manner). She then has the option to accept or decline, and if she declines, to come up with an alternative. Is that how it works? Have I fulfilled my leadership responsibility simply by offering a suggestion?
> 
> ...


*Option No. 1, with both of us asking the question of each other at various times!

Let's just say that we care about each other enough to ask!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

I'm enjoying the discussion and am finding it enlightening, but feel free to expand it beyond the original example of going out to eat


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> I don't udnerstand. The two of you are going out, and you say "I want Chinese" and she can stay home is she does not like it? No deciding together where to eat? You basically would say "take it or leave"?
> What am I missing here?
> 
> For me on the night like this it would be "Where would you like to go" or 'Any suggestions where we could go?", or "where should we go" and talk about it together.


Two different value propositions. In Wold's case, it sounds like the pursuit of the Chinese food is the thing on his mind. That's ok. In your case, it sounds like going out together is on your mind. That's ok too.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> I'm enjoying the discussion and am finding it enlightening, but feel free to expand it beyond the original example of going out to eat


I think being the first one to seek to understand when there is conflict is leadership. Expecting to first be understood is passive to me. 

Getting aggressive and reactive is downright babyish.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> I don't udnerstand. The two of you are going out, and you say "I want Chinese" and she can stay home is she does not like it? No deciding together where to eat? You basically would say "take it or leave"?
> What am I missing here?
> 
> *For me on the night like this it would be "Where would you like to go" or 'Any suggestions where we could go?", or "where should we go" and talk about it together.[/Q*UOTE]
> ...


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Wolf, it sounds like you know what works for you.

With a certain kind of man and woman, "Happy wife, happy life" works well, too.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jld said:


> Wolf, it sounds like you know what works for you.
> 
> With a certain kind of man and woman, "Happy wife, happy life" works well, too.


It can so long as both parties are happy and satisfied. I have friends like this...not my motto..

Mine is happy marriage happy life cause two people are in a marriage, not just one


----------



## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

The point of this thread is "How do you get laid more by taking the lead". 

It is not "the best way to keep the peace"

It is "the best way to get a piece"

All this focus on how you want to be asked about dinner IN A VACUUM is taking the eye off the goal of getting more a$$ by taking the lead. The question is "which way should your husband lead you to food that will result in your wanting him to ravage you before, during or after"

And no leading is not controlling. The distinction is vital. If attempts at leading have you controlling then you are not leading correctly. Leading results in a follower of your lead happy to follow. Controlling has a follower of your lead NOT happy to follow

@Richard Sharpe your LD wife might be LD because of the approach you shared NOT taking the lead and asking what is wrong with that. LD wives that result are what is WRONG with it. Your welcome.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> WandaJ said:
> 
> 
> > I don't udnerstand. The two of you are going out, and you say "I want Chinese" and she can stay home is she does not like it? No deciding together where to eat? You basically would say "take it or leave"?
> ...


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I used to do #1. Bad.

I now mostly opt for #3--much better.

Once in a while I'll do #2, but I make damned sure that it's going to be something she's going to love first.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

thread the needle said:


> The point of this thread is "How do you get laid more by taking the lead".
> 
> It is not "the best way to keep the peace"
> 
> ...


Thank you for telling me what the point of my thread was .


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Joey,

You hate NMMNG. Yet you want to be more dominant in all areas... dinner plans, any plans, sex.

My suggestion... go back and re-read NMMNG. More closely. With a highlighter.

You want to be a nice guy... but you're really a "Nice Guy." 

Ain't gonna happen with your current strategy.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Joey,
> 
> You hate NMMNG. Yet you want to be more dominant in all areas... dinner plans, any plans, sex.
> 
> ...


When I put up the thread about NNMNG I had recently read it and was still fuming. I have since calmed down a little and am trying to explore the subject with a little less vitriol.

EDIT-And I can't reread it, I told you I threw it out (I wasn't joking).


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> When I put up the thread about NNMNG I had recently read it and was still fuming. I have since calmed down a little and am trying to explore the subject with a little less vitriol.
> 
> EDIT-And I can't reread it, I told you I threw it out (I wasn't joking).


You got angry at a book?


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > thank you for the explaining in detail, and yes, I certainly agree wtih most of it. just one thing caught my attention - the outcome does not only depend on how you ask or state that question - it also depends on your partner. When you say 'Cue 1 hour pout and guilt trip about me not being there. " well I would love it if you would come But if I stay can we do something together, she would say well I'm watching (insert any reality tv show) you can watch the game upstairs and that's what would happen." - *Are you suggesting that asking this that way will always create a guilt trip and no as answer? I would answer "Sure, go ahead and enjoy it, say hi from me", wiht no guilt trips or pouting.*
> ...


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> WandaJ said:
> 
> 
> > [/B]
> ...


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Cletus said:


> Why would you?
> 
> A person who does not want to be led won't find your leading to be particularly attractive. Leading is a means to an end for the right couple, not an end in itself. If your partner is truly more satisfied with "Where would you like to go to dinner tonight - I have some ideas" - why wouldn't you go that route?
> 
> ...


I have a woman I see, who is a proclaimed anti-feminist. I call round, grope, kiss sit on her sofa and tell her what drink to get me and what we will do for dinner. She perfers it that way and I am sensitive to that.

I have another lady, who I will surprise occasionally, but prefers to take the lead. I try to be sensitive to that too. If I treated her in the same way, it might result in a slap, but more likely bemusement.

There is no real true answer.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > So, basically you are now on defense just in case with the current gf?
> ...


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Joey2k said:


> Specifically, I've wondered how a man takes the lead if the woman doesn't cooperate by following.


The short answer is they don't. Sometimes other people don't want to be, aren't interesting in or aren't capable of being led. As a man, who is true to yourself, it is up to you to then decide that this person is either no longer worth your time and effort or decide to settle for the status quo.
IMO, one of the ideas that needs to be clarified in regards to NMMNG, the 180, MMSLP or any of the other various plans proffered to others on TAM is the idea that IF you complete the plan of action offered by the plan that you will always get the result that you desire. None of these plans are failsafe or 100% guaranteed to always work. I believe that all of the authors go into some detail about how it requires some level of acceptance from the other side in order for it to work. 
The main point of everyone of those plans or formulas is to FOCUS ON YOURSELF! Any benefits to a relationship that comes of that is a bonus and should not be the motivation behind it. Expecting someone else to accept your leadership because you changed is just another covert contract. Act for yourself and if your SO comes along for the ride, great. If not, great because now you have discovered that that person isn't right for you and you will now be free to find some one who is.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Have you let him know that you prefer that he decide?
> 
> My personal rule is that if I don't care about a decision, I'll see if my wife does.


I have straight out told him that I would like him to make the plans.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

intheory said:


> No offense to you Joey, but at first I couldn't believe there would be a thread for something as trivial as this.
> 
> But it turns out I am wrong, this seems to be a "thing".
> 
> ...


This!



Ynot said:


> The short answer is they don't. Sometimes other people don't want to be, aren't interesting in or aren't capable of being led. As a man, who is true to yourself, it is up to you to then decide that this person is either no longer worth your time and effort or decide to settle for the status quo.
> IMO, one of the ideas that needs to be clarified in regards to NMMNG, the 180, MMSLP or any of the other various plans proffered to others on TAM is the idea that IF you complete the plan of action offered by the plan that you will always get the result that you desire. None of these plans are failsafe or 100% guaranteed to always work. I believe that all of the authors go into some detail about how it requires some level of acceptance from the other side in order for it to work.
> The main point of everyone of those plans or formulas is to *FOCUS ON YOURSELF!* Any benefits to a relationship that comes of that is a bonus and should not be the motivation behind it. Expecting someone else to accept your leadership because you changed is just another covert contract. Act for yourself and if your SO comes along for the ride, great. If not, great because now you have discovered that that person isn't right for you and you will now be free to find some one who is.


And this


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> WandaJ said:
> 
> 
> > No absolutely not. I really don't know how else to explain this. This doesn't have to do with her it has to to with me and what I am willing to tolerate and not.
> ...


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

You don't get it...You have no correct statement....I was out of work during a depression....wife was a SAHM, and I got a job 200 miles away......She threw that up in my face for 20 years

Just this week she said "Moving to Arkansas was the best move we ever made, I love the people, the low cost of living, and the town we live in....I am sure I will still hear about how I made her MOVE...


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Joey2k said:


> 1. Ask "What do you want to do for dinner"
> 2. Tell her "We're going to such-and-such, get ready"
> 3. Suggest "Let's go to such-and-such, haven't had Bangladeshi food in a while.


4. "You seemed to really enjoy {Insert name of establishment} when we were there a few months ago. I wouldn't mind trying it again myself." 

5. "Let's not go back to {Insert name of establishment} Grocery store wine is just not worth $60 a bottle. Let's try {Insert name of competing establishment} instead."

6. "I've always wanted to try. {Insert name of establishment specializing in a particular genre of ethnic food} What say you? Are you game?"

7. "I've been to {Inset name of establishment} on business. I'm betting you'll like it. Do you trust me?"

There are all kinds of subtle ways to lead where the door is graciously left open.


----------

