# Am I really crazy??



## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

Ladies, how do you ever get your man to listen to you? How do you ever get him to do something you want him to do or you want him to do for you? What are the struggles you have gone through and did you come to a solution? Please share, I need some motivation and inspiration.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Oh god I can't even start...

I think I have actually given up, actually. 

But seriously, what is your specific issue you are trying to get across to him?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Sorry to say that in my experience the only way is to get a new man.


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## tangled123 (Jan 18, 2015)

I'm in the process of giving up on wanting what I love and loving what he can give, if I can't love what he can give then I am going to find what I love....its confusing I know I am confused too


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

Thank you for responding....I understand what you are saying tangled123.....i feel like i try so hard to make my man see through my eyes and do what i do but he is so resistant to me. i say yes, he says no. he always disagrees with me. i could tell him the sky is blue, he will say its green (not for real but you get my drift). honestly. this past week has been nothing but a fight with him. and its always my fault by the way i react to him. for example.

he needed to go to the sex shop to get a new pump. I specifically told him that i wanted to go with him. Turns out he went two weeks ago and has been hiding his pump in the tallest cubbard where i couldnt see. i said didnt i tell you i wanted to go with you???? so he starts coming up with every excuse why he didnt wait for me (he was right by the shop, i was working, etc) he asks me why i wanted to go in the first place, i tell him you shouldnt question me as to why i wanted to go, just know that i wanted to go. that doesnt mean go without me and totally neglect what i said..............end of story being i cant control my reaction to him ****ing up so everything is my fault.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

How do you ever cope with knowing that you are two totally different people?? I am type A, he is type lazy and doesnt give a [email protected] Its as simple as him telling me cleaned the house, when really he folded a couple blankets in the living room, while there are nasty a$$ dishes in the sink that need washed, puke on his son's covers, and the dog was never taken out to go to the bathroom.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

I am honestly SO SICK of being a mother to a grown ass 27 year old. I just want to know how to keep my cool when im about to blow up on his a$$. i usually do everything myself anyways so i know they are done and done right the first time.


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## tangled123 (Jan 18, 2015)

uhhh.....why do you want him to do things your way? Have you tried seeing things through his eyes? 

Do you tell him all those that you just posted in the same way? If yes then thats going to make things worst. 

Mine was more of an emotional fulfilment case....sharing house work can be made easy if you look at his strengths and weakness and split accordingly.

My H and I look at what we each like to do and split accordingly. eg. I like to cook and he likes to wash so that work for us. 

Seriously, no one likes to be told what to do, perhaps you can express your frustration to him in a non accusatory way if you have not tried that yet.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

His mother was a terrible mother, a woman who should have never had kids. She did the worst job at raising her boys. I am not joking when i say that he cannot do anything, he has no strengths. He leaves me to do everything, he wants to be taken care of. I have to literally beg him for help. And then he always says that im being a *****, or im being mean to him. Like seriously???? Grow the **** up and be a ****ing man!!!!! He doesnt barely spend any time with his 5 year old son. He thinks his son has everything he needs since he has clothes on his back and food on the table. No. I should not have to tell him that he needs to give his son love. Are you kidding me???? I honestly dont go out of my way to tell him what to do. I ask him to do something and he doesnt do it, then i get frustrated. Then I get called a *****, or im being mean. Completely unfair.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Ohh my.....where do I start....



lookingforpeace said:


> Ladies, how do you ever get your man to listen to you?


He will listen as much YOU listen.

If he is not listening, chances are high YOU are not listening.

Why should he listen to you if you don't want to listen to him?




lookingforpeace said:


> How do you ever get him to do something you want him to do or you want him to do for you?


He is not your slave. You don't "get " people to do things for you.....you ASK POLITELY and hope they do it.



lookingforpeace said:


> What are the struggles you have gone through and did you come to a solution? Please share, I need some motivation and inspiration.


You most likely have 2 things at play.

Your man is REALLY REALLY ****ty OR you are crappy and he is just giving you taste of your own shiiit.

Only you can tell us the truth.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

lookingforpeace said:


> His mother was a terrible mother, a woman who should have never had kids. She did the worst job at raising her boys. I am not joking when i say that he cannot do anything, he has no strengths. He leaves me to do everything, he wants to be taken care of. I have to literally beg him for help. And then he always says that im being a *****, or im being mean to him. Like seriously???? Grow the **** up and be a ****ing man!!!!! He doesnt barely spend any time with his 5 year old son. He thinks his son has everything he needs since he has clothes on his back and food on the table. No. I should not have to tell him that he needs to give his son love. Are you kidding me???? I honestly dont go out of my way to tell him what to do. I ask him to do something and he doesnt do it, then i get frustrated. Then I get called a *****, or im being mean. Completely unfair.


Why in the ever-loving name of Zeus did you ****ing MARRY THIS GUY to begin with?!? Sweet Jesus....

edit: you call him "your man," not your husband, so maybe you're not married, in which case, just leave already. Holy hell, it doesn't sound like you remotely like him, let alone love him enough to stay with him through any of this disaster.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

lookingforpeace said:


> His mother was a terrible mother, a woman who should have never had kids. She did the worst job at raising her boys. I am not joking when i say that he cannot do anything, he has no strengths. He leaves me to do everything, he wants to be taken care of. I have to literally beg him for help. And then he always says that im being a *****, or im being mean to him. Like seriously???? Grow the **** up and be a ****ing man!!!!! He doesnt barely spend any time with his 5 year old son. He thinks his son has everything he needs since he has clothes on his back and food on the table. No. I should not have to tell him that he needs to give his son love. Are you kidding me???? I honestly dont go out of my way to tell him what to do. I ask him to do something and he doesnt do it, then i get frustrated. Then I get called a *****, or im being mean. Completely unfair.



It sounds like you're kinda high-strung. That may just be the way your posts sound here, while you're nothing like that in real life. But think hard about that. If you seem high-strung to us, it's fairly likely that you're actually coming across that way in the real world. 

Additionally, you're displaying more than a smidge of resentment, and even open contempt, for your partner. Do you actually love him? What about this relationship seems good/healthy/positive to you? Why do you want to be with a man you don't respect and feel contempt for?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Holland said:


> Sorry to say that in my experience the only way is to get a new man.


:rofl:


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

One, you do not have to be in control of every detail to be secure.

Two, the name calling and assaulting is not making your situation more secure. In fact the likely result is instability.

Three you already got him away from his mother, you won that fight, stop fighting it.

Essentially this post is about him trying to do something nice for you. His intentions were good but you got your nose bent because you weren't in control. Are you sure attacking him for trying is the right course?
MN


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Is it his belief that he doesn't need to do anything around the house or with his son?


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## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

I understand venting, and if you're just venting here that's great. But if you talk to him the way you talk about him to us, which is highly likely, there's no doubt in my mind about why he isn't listening.

If you talk to him the way you talk about him, then you may as well just call it quits and move on. There is so much resentment built up on both sides already that it will be nigh impossible to overcome. 

"Oh, I can fix him!" Wrong answer. You can accept who he is, or you can move on. You can't "fix" anyone. From your posts, you don't accept who he is. That leaves you with option 2.

I would like to hear his side of things. I'm sure the truth of the situation lies somewhere in the middle.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening lookingfor peace
If he came here and vented, what do you think he would complain about? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but just too look at things differently. Maybe there are things he wants and isn't getting, just as there are things you want and aren't getting? Its even possibly you could both happily have all of those things.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with his beliefs, he is just lazy and doesnt do anything that doesnt benefit himself. Like I said before he thinks he doesnt need to spend time with his son, so it doesnt bother him that he is gone every night at the gym for hours instead of taking a rest day to spend time with us..


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

I feel like I'm being misunderstood here...is it too much to ask to come home to a clean house when I have worked all day and he has sat at home doing nothing but sleeping and playing on his phone? Not to mention that i pay 80% of the bills. You would think he would make an effort. 

Of course I was venting in my posts, I dont talk to him that way. If I ask him to do something around the house, and he doesnt do it, that is when I get pissed off. Most days I accept the fact that I cant change him, then it catches up to me that he thinks I was just created to pick up after him and be his maid. 

All he has ever told me that he needs is a hug or a kiss to show affection. <---When he is actually home which isnt very much or long enough. He works 4am to 12p or 2pm comes home, takes a nap, goes to the gym, comes home with dinner on the table (or take out that he brings home) takes a shower and goes to bed. No where in there does that include picking up after himself, cleaning anything at all in the process. During the summer, I have to mow the lawn bc he doesnt think about anything other than what he needs to do for himself.

I honestly dont know how to get through to him that I need help, he says "ok, ill do better" but I truely dont see that effort.

Maybe I dont love him....I guess I havent said anything good about him...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

lookingforpeace said:


> Ladies, how do you ever get your man to listen to you? How do you ever get him to do something you want him to do or you want him to do for you? What are the struggles you have gone through and did you come to a solution? Please share, I need some motivation and inspiration.


I'm not a woman, but I'd suggest marrying one who finds you interesting and who wants your happiness more than he wants his own.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Has he always been like this?


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

TiggyBlue said:


> Has he always been like this?


Yes he has.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Is this son a child you had together?


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

No my step son, his son with another woman.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Then I would advise you to divorce. There is no reason to stay.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

Divorce? There is no other option?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sure. You can work really hard at communication, and compromise. 

But why? You have no kids together, and you are young. Go find a more suitable match. 

Marriage can feel almost effortless, if you are with the right person. I do not think it's ever going to feel that way with the guy you're with now.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

He's not likely to change if he has always been this way (you said he has). So, can you live with him like he is? Doesn't sound like it.


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## Trin (Feb 27, 2015)

I personally find it so strange that I have almost all the same interests, beliefs as my partner, and in our 'public' life we are almost the same person (almost to the stage where we could finish each others sentences)... but our inner worlds are just so completely different its unbelievable that we can even live and communicate with each other. I find that I have to do a huge amount of explaining to get him to understand what's going on inside me. I always thought how I felt would be the same way he would feel in the same situation. But its not the case at all. Its hard because what I am saying (and feeling) makes no sense in his world so sometimes I feel like a nutter, but I just hope that as I talk, he might not understand or feel the same way, but at least he can empathize with my position. Of course - I am lucky that he listens in the first place.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

lookingforpeace said:


> I feel like I'm being misunderstood here...is it too much to ask to come home to a clean house when I have worked all day and he has sat at home doing nothing but sleeping and playing on his phone? Not to mention that i pay 80% of the bills. You would think he would make an effort.
> 
> Of course I was venting in my posts, I dont talk to him that way. If I ask him to do something around the house, and he doesnt do it, that is when I get pissed off. Most days I accept the fact that I cant change him, then it catches up to me that he thinks I was just created to pick up after him and be his maid.
> 
> ...


I came a few weeks ago about the very same thing but was careful not to come off as some angry woman tearing her hubby down lol.

I don't agree with divorce, especially if last ditch measures such as counseling hasn't been met. My hubby doesn't cook or clean around the house either. Of course if I ask him to clean something ( usually once a month) he will do it, so I guess I should be grateful. This past weekend he stepped up to the plate with our kids and cleaning, but many times it doesn't last. I've just gotten to the point where I try to focus on his good qualities. Maybe if you start writing down all the things that he does or is, it might make you less frustrated. Yes, I get frustrated doing all the cooking, shopping, and cleaning( thankfully my kids are old enough to do chores, so I'm not cleaning EVERything by myself). My hubby might not be s domestic goddess, but here's what he is. Here's what he does well.

He's a good provider
He's loyal
He's good company
He's into me, I mean really into me 
He's always complimenting me on my figure, or telling me I'm beautiful
He's very affectionate
He's smart

So, while he may not pick up as much as I'd like, getting a divorce considering his good qualities would just be stupid. Now, if he had a short list of only one redeeming quality...


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