# Good Friday Anniversary



## Billy Bates (Mar 30, 2018)

I caught my wife having an affair with a man on Good Friday last year. I have tried over and over to get through this but I simply can't. Even though I love her....I hate her. She was even going to church every Sunday while going through this. I am white 56, she is Filipino 49 and the lover is 63 and black. Regardless of your point of view, this is difficult to me and she is indeed eternally filthy to me. I do not want to hurt my 16 yr old daughter or my 21 yr old son. My father may not survive it. She seems so innocent and decent but her true side is a fleshy appetite for most any muscular man. I lost 20 pounds, couldn't sleep, in depression and on meds, drinking heavily, etc. In counseling occasionally. I wish I never met her. Ulcers and IBS are back and I have not dealt with this health issue since the early 90s. Struggling. She is remorseful but she needs me financially. Tired of the mental torment.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I know I couldn’t recover from this, so your reaction is no surprise to me. Get your financial house in order (meaning clean out the bank accounts) and leave. Your lucky your kids are older and can deal with this. She’s a piece of crap, flush her. Who gives a **** if she needs you financially.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

No cheating spouse is worth the destruction of your mental health and your physical health...


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## inging (Dec 11, 2016)

You tried for a year. For some people an affair is a deal breaker. 

Needing you financially is something she should have perhaps thought about before jumping on some guy.

Divorce is the civilised option.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Dump her. Now.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Billy Bates said:


> the lover is 63
> 
> her true side is a fleshy appetite for most any muscular man.


"is" - is the affair over or ongoing?

Remorseful - what does that mean to you?

If remorseful means the same as to me, it would contradict that her true side *is* having an appetite for most any muscular man - *was*, not *is*.

Most if not all people who go to church are committing sins. Maybe not as serious as infidelity. But from my observation, church-going people have better intentions, but maybe not better deeds. I don't know if the apparent contradiction of her seeming "religiousity" yet at the same time committing continuing serious sins.

What are the sticking points to you? What are your pros and cons for staying vs leaving?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Does she still have any contact with the OM?

Who was he? Boss? Neighbor? Co-worker? Someone that attends the same church?

If he’s married, was the affair exposed to his wife?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Well your problem is you can't make a decision so you'll wallow in this until you do.

There is no magic potion to fix this.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*At an absolute minimum, I fail to see the most important factor in keeping her around ~ remorse!

That's because there isn't any! 

Get to a good family attorney and be advised of your property rights and have them begin the process of dumping her! 

To hell if she still needs your financial support!*


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Billy Bates said:


> She is remorseful but she needs me financially. Tired of the mental torment.


Needing you financially is likely as far as it goes. If she's capable of banging another man behind your back, she's capable of support herself and living a lifestyle commensurate with her earning capability.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Not much to go on so being your kids are on the old side and there is no way
you can get pass her cheating, and nothing wrong with that, divorce her.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, expose her to your family & children. They're grown enough. They probably already know. Expose her to the church. Is her lover married? Expose him to his wife, if he is married. It should not matter what nationality your wife or her lover is. A cheater is a cheater. Divorce her & make her earn her living. You're young enough to start a new life.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Billy Bates said:


> I caught my wife having an affair with a man on Good Friday last year. I have tried over and over to get through this but I simply can't. Even though I love her....I hate her. She was even going to church every Sunday while going through this. I am white 56, she is Filipino 49 and the lover is 63 and black. Regardless of your point of view, this is difficult to me and she is indeed eternally filthy to me. I do not want to hurt my 16 yr old daughter or my 21 yr old son. My father may not survive it. She seems so innocent and decent but *her true side is a fleshy appetite for most any muscular man.* I lost 20 pounds, couldn't sleep, in depression and on meds, drinking heavily, etc. In counseling occasionally. I wish I never met her. Ulcers and IBS are back and I have not dealt with this health issue since the early 90s. Struggling. She is remorseful but she needs me financially. Tired of the mental torment.


Sounds to me like this is not the first time and Billy B knows, or suspects, this is the case. Nothing to save here man. YouR kids are old enough to understand and handle the truth AND YOU ARE NOT THE ONE HURTING THEM. She is the one who created this situation - not you. The consequences are on her, not you.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Unfortunately, you have been at this for a year. Nope, tell her to leave, whatever detrius occurs, deal with it as it happens. Your kids are old enough, and she needs the wrath of god to descend on her. Does the church know? If not, tell them. My most successfully divorced client, was unmerciful in letting the entire world know that his wife was a serial cheater, had cheated with many men from her church. (He succeeded in having her and five other families removed from the church along with the congregation's sincerest apologies). He provided her parents and siblings with photographic evidence. (Her father called her a wh)re, and has not spoken to her since) He provided evidence against her to her affair partners' wives. Those men will be paying for years. Finally, after he had his divorce settlement. And a quit claim, where she will not at any time in the future try to go after him for money, he then sent all of his evidence to her place of employment. She is now hard core unemployed. Will likely never work as a nurse again in this country. The potential is that several of her coworkers lost not only their jobs, but careers as well. THIS is what going nuclear looks like. She is making application, (saw her and did her taxes) for any nursing postition in the south, and in Europe. Basically, he has made her life so uncomfortable, she will be leaving the country.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

People who act all pious but then lead a life of debached hedonism are an especially despicable sort. Leave her for this reason alone. Divorce her. Let her find a new sucker. 

Oh, and make sure her parents, siblings, and cousins see every bit of proof you have. Filipinos take great pride in admiration from their close-knit families. Let them see her for the trash she is.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

The only person responsible for you remaining in misery is you.

The cheating? Yeah, that's 100% on her.


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## BradWesley2 (Jul 15, 2016)

Billy Bates said:


> I caught my wife having an affair with a man on Good Friday last year. I have tried over and over to get through this but I simply can't. Even though I love her....I hate her. She was even going to church every Sunday while going through this. I am white 56, she is Filipino 49 and the lover is 63 and black. Regardless of your point of view, this is difficult to me and she is indeed eternally filthy to me. I do not want to hurt my 16 yr old daughter or my 21 yr old son. My father may not survive it. She seems so innocent and decent but her true side is a fleshy appetite for most any muscular man. I lost 20 pounds, couldn't sleep, in depression and on meds, drinking heavily, etc. In counseling occasionally. I wish I never met her. Ulcers and IBS are back and I have not dealt with this health issue since the early 90s. Struggling. She is remorseful but she needs me financially. Tired of the mental torment.


Just curious, why did you feel the need to inject all three parties ages, color, and races?

You do understand that none of it really matters when it comes to infidelity. It's really is irrelevant regarding age, color and race.

Cheating is an equal opportunity destroyer.


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