# DH in Porn Recovery and I'm falling out of love



## hifromme67

My husband is recovering porn addict and has been in treatment since February 2016. He is doing well and we are also in joint therapy with a CSAT.

I don't know if this is normal but I am just not really feeling anything for him much these days. He's tried really hard in all aspects of his recovery and our joint therapy but I almost wonder if the porn was just the icing on the cake and I gave up. His therapist used to see us in joint therapy and one time told me in an individual session that once you start looking at their character, it's really difficult to come back from that. I'm wondering if this is what really has happened.

Has anyone experienced this before?


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## peacem

Some years ago I looked at my husband and thought I don't even recognise him anymore. I also lost a lot of respect which is difficult to get back. My husband is a pathological liar and that makes it very difficult for us to carry on regardless. I questioned everything he said and did to a point of exhaustion - then I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore. 

The good things that happened is he realised HE had to put in the effort to save our marriage, that I wasn't going to carry us forever. He surprised me at how good he can be when he has to, but I had to literally give up before that happened.

Hope that makes sense.


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## GTdad

hifromme67 said:


> but I almost wonder if the porn was just the icing on the cake and I gave up.


What else do you think is going on with your husband?


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## xMadame

It is hard to come back from something like that, especially if you view him having a porn addiction as in a way cheating.

As people we can only take so much, and once we hit our limit, that is it.

Question is, if he does more of the heavy lifting in your relationship, can you fall back in love with him?


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## hifromme67

xMadame said:


> It is hard to come back from something like that, especially if you view him having a porn addiction as in a way cheating.
> 
> As people we can only take so much, and once we hit our limit, that is it.
> 
> Question is, if he does more of the heavy lifting in your relationship, can you fall back in love with him?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




I really try but I think because sometimes I just feel hate and disgust, that nothing he does will fix it permanently. I think sometimes it's just too late.


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## hifromme67

GTdad said:


> What else do you think is going on with your husband?




There is nothing else going on at this time. In the past he lied so much, I caught him chatting with his ex on FB, things like that that I believe just wore at our foundation. We really didn't have a good relationship, we just kind of existed. 


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## hifromme67

peacem said:


> Some years ago I looked at my husband and thought I don't even recognise him anymore. I also lost a lot of respect which is difficult to get back. My husband is a pathological liar and that makes it very difficult for us to carry on regardless. I questioned everything he said and did to a point of exhaustion - then I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore.
> 
> 
> 
> The good things that happened is he realised HE had to put in the effort to save our marriage, that I wasn't going to carry us forever. He surprised me at how good he can be when he has to, but I had to literally give up before that happened.
> 
> 
> 
> Hope that makes sense.




I know exactly what you mean. When I was having severe triggers after discovery, just looking at him would trigger me. I told our therapist at that time that sometimes I looked at him and felt disgusted and all I could think of was "you're a pervert." I understand more now that it was/is an addiction that he had since he was young and obviously way before he met me. It didn't make it easier but I tried to understand. 

Lately I don't even want to hear his voice or even have sex with him. A lot of things I feel have been tainted. He is aware of the deep damage he has caused.


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## peacem

hifromme67 said:


> I know exactly what you mean. When I was having severe triggers after discovery, just looking at him would trigger me. I told our therapist at that time that sometimes I looked at him and felt disgusted and all I could think of was "you're a pervert." I understand more now that it was/is an addiction that he had since he was young and obviously way before he met me. It didn't make it easier but I tried to understand.
> 
> Lately I don't even want to hear his voice or even have sex with him. A lot of things I feel have been tainted. He is aware of the deep damage he has caused.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Is this how you have felt consistently for over a year, or are they moments that pass?


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## hifromme67

peacem said:


> Is this how you have felt consistently for over a year, or are they moments that pass?




Those feelings have come and gone but right now, they mostly stay. I think what it boils down to is what little respect I had for him them, is just gone now. 


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