# Would it bother you if people show up at your house with out calling?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

We have some distant cousins we see once a year if that, and when they come over they always stop by with out calling.

I find this very rude and would never do that.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Yes


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Not for immediate family (mine or his), but for others yes, unless it was some emergency.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It does not bother me at all when people drop by unannounced. 

If I do not have time for them when they do, I just tell them that and send them on their merry way. If I do have time and want to spend time with them I invite them in.

I do however agree that a phone call, if they have my number is much appreciated. And I'll suggest that for the future.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This is how I am.. me & husband are not the type to just stop in...unless we were driving past and see our friends outside on the porch/ in the yard or something.. then I might hang out the window & say "HEY".. but other than this.. I see it as a "boundary" thing.. many would find that "inconvenient " to rude.. 

This is something you learn about a person as you get to know them though.. we have a single guy friend who doesn't get much company... He is the type who would appreciate that sort of thing... 

Now on the receiving end... I think it matters more WHOM is dropping by ... is it someone we Love & are so happy to see .. or someone who overstays their welcome.. and you start yawning thinking "I'm ready to throw you outta here"..

We have a large family, teens come & go.. sometimes I don't even know who all is at our house.. one time I came home to a couple friends of our sons... and they weren't even home yet.....

So I can't say I am all too bothered with people showing up, it's a common occurrence ... so even though I wouldn't do it personally.. I can think of worse things that bother me..

It's not the dropping in that I get upset about .. it would be more of "are they paying attention" to how we respond... do they ask if we have a few minutes.. ask if it was OK to drop by type thing.... Some may only stay for 10 minutes.. to me, that's just not a bad thing.. We usually have a good catching up..


----------



## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Yes, it would bother me. I often don't wear a bra or get all dressed up if I am not expecting anyone. The UPS guy has probably seen more than I would like at times when I get an unexpected package! We have a glass front door, with view into the family room where we spend a lot of time. I have been known to duck behind the couch if the doorbell rings and I don't want to answer it. Solves the problem of unexpected guests!


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Abc123wife said:


> I have been known to duck behind the couch if the doorbell rings and I don't want to answer it.


lol!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This option was not on your list.. but I'd be more bothered by some of my relatives showing up (which they don't) over my friends!


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It depends who it is.  My family no, they're easygoing and happy to sit on the couch and have a coffee, dont care if the house isn't spotless. 

Hubby's family yes - because they're very critical, judgemental and expect to be waited on. They'd be sitting there silently judging the house and commenting on anything that was out of place.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't mind at all, either I have the time for visitors or I don't and just say so. I have a fair size family and circle of friends, they are all good people so why would it be a worry to see them.

Life is too short to get twisted over silly things.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

When we lived near family, they'd sometimes drop by unexpectedly. Sometimes we were still in our pajamas. They didn't care, we'd make them tea and get ready. We didn't mind either. My mother learned that at times we ignored answering the front door and discovered that by knocking on our bedroom window, we'd know it was her, and would then answer the door. My bad, I didn't set appropriate boundaries! Hubs and I have a laugh about it now but still, not cool.

Our friends wouldn't drop by without giving notice. And yes, it likely would bother me if that did happen - especially these days when a simple text can be sent asking if it's a good time but mostly so I can ensure my hair is washed and I'm presentable. Vanity prevails!


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Holland said:


> I don't mind at all, either I have the time for visitors or I don't and just say so. I have a fair size family and circle of friends, they are all good people so why would it be a worry to see them.
> 
> *Life is too short to get twisted over silly things.*


When I grow up, I want to be just like you! 

You're right.


----------



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

It bothers me more because in my culture you can't just tell some one you are busy and wasn't expecting company and to come back some other time. ( I am Bosnian)

I would also like to add that I think certain people show up at my door with out calling just to see how clean my house is, and if I have food in the house.


----------



## SunnyWife (Aug 6, 2014)

When family stops by its always fine, come on it and grab a coffee type of thing (good thing for Keurig machines!). We've had family stop by for breakfast at 7:00am because they were travelling and passing through our city and simply had to stop by for a visit (back in my stay at home mom days, I simply would not be home if they tried that now!) and even had family surprise us for Hubby's birthday one year (got a hotel thankfully... and took us out for dinner which was awesome considering it was a work-day for us). 

The family members that live around us here pretty much all call first --- sometimes its a quick text asking if its OK to stop in and oh BTW look out the window... BUT gotta give them credit they did ask first. Its all good.

Pretty much everyone else calls first. All our friends are as busy as we are which helps.


----------



## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

I'm careful to not do this to others, but when they do it to me I don't get ruffled. I make time for them if I can but otherwise just go about my business and include them in it. If I'm playing they play with me, if I'm working I press them into helping me, if I'm leaving to pick something up I invite them along. Hell, if I were fighting with my wife I'd invite them to take sides. 

I figure if they don't call ahead then they are fair game for me to have my way with them. Makes for good entertainment and adventure. Good times.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I wouldn't like it if somebody came by for a social visit unexpectedly, unless it were my close family.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I think it matters what they do when they arrive.

If they drop by and invite themselves in, make themselves at home, or assume you're not busy or even up for company, yes.

Assuming they are somoene you like and know pretty well, and not some casual acquaintance or distant relative, if they're in the neighborhood, respectful about potentially intruding or interrupting, a bit apologetic about not calling first, and openly ask if this is a good time and you are up for company and look to verify the time is ok, easily on the alert and take any hint of cutting the visit short -- then no.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> When I grow up, I want to be just like you!
> 
> You're right.


You calling me old HB 

Well you would be right on that count. I guess I just have a "so be it" attitude to life. Having has some really tough times I now just appreciate the sun, the air, the freedom that I have 

OP if people are coming by just to judge you they are not your friends. Might be time to make up a "Do Not Disturb" sign for the front door. Seriously don't let people like that invade your space.


----------



## arman (Jun 4, 2014)

No. I normally wouldn't as long as it's a family member on my side or my wife's side.

However what I do find rude and disrespectful is when my wife's 25 year old brother comes over to our house unannounced and comes right on in without knocking or ringing the doorbell. He does this almost daily. This is something he has done since he was 11 or 12. He has depended on us for many things over the years more so than he has his parents, who have always been broke. I think he he kind of looks up to us as parent figures since we have helped him so much over the years. I almost would consider this an invasion of privacy and very rude especially considering he's an adult now. 

Beyond that he usually looks in our regrigerator and pantry when he comes over and helps himself to whatever without asking. He is a single father with 3 kids to support and he's usually broke most of the time despite working full time and going to college 3 nights a week. I don't mind helping him out a little but I have a 9 y/o daughter, 15 y/o son, and wife to feed. I just wish he showed more courtesy.

I guess there are some who would see nothing wrong with this.
But growing up in the 70s and 80s, I was taught to let others know I was coming over and to always knock or use the doorbell before being invited in, even if it was a close friend, aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc.. Also I would never of considered looking in their refrigerator and helping myself unless they first offered me something.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Holland said:


> You calling me old HB
> 
> Well you would be right on that count. I guess I just have a "so be it" attitude to life. Having has some really tough times I now just appreciate the sun, the air, the freedom that I have
> 
> OP if people are coming by just to judge you they are not your friends. Might be time to make up a "Do Not Disturb" sign for the front door. Seriously don't let people like that invade your space.


Ha! Not at all, Holland. You could be younger than me for all I know. It's my way of saying I admire your attitude. And what you wrote just further demonstrates why.

I wouldn't care about the time or how our place looked, but the hair? ...that needs to be done! Sad but true.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Holland said:


> Life is too short to get twisted over silly things.


Good grief I think that phrase alone could save so many marriages if people truly internalized this.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Abc123wife said:


> Yes, it would bother me. I often don't wear a bra or get all dressed up if I am not expecting anyone. The UPS guy has probably seen more than I would like at times when I get an unexpected package! We have a glass front door, with view into the family room where we spend a lot of time. I have been known to duck behind the couch if the doorbell rings and I don't want to answer it. Solves the problem of unexpected guests!


I keep something near the door to throw on for things just like this... something that can cover whatever I do or do not have on.


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

They might've just been raised differently- and had an open door policy growing up?

I would be extremely bothered. If I were in your shoes. Figure out a nice way to tell them. In this day and age with texting and what not. It just doesn't make sense- in my book.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> Ha! Not at all, Holland. You could be younger than me for all I know. It's my way of saying I admire your attitude. And what you wrote just further demonstrates why.
> 
> I wouldn't care about the time or how our place looked, but the hair? ...that needs to be done! Sad but true.


Ah yes the hair, on an average day at home mine is in a ponytail anyway, very casual here. Lately my hair only really looks good when we go out. 

I am late 40's HB, old and young at the same time, it is a great stage in life


----------



## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

Family are welcome to drop by any time. We try to give at least a five minute visit if it is bad timing. No one gets their feelings hurt, knowing it was taking a chance not to call. All of our family and friends rarely don't call first unless they are out and about for other purposes and stop on a whim.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IcePrincess28 said:


> They might've just been raised differently- and had an open door policy growing up?


How you were raised definitely plays a big part in it.

My mother was raised in a small town where an open door policy was the norm. To this day I can go down and visit my grandmother and other relatives and walk right in, to warm welcomes.

I'm much more comfortable with an open door policy than my wife is. She was raised in a house with a mom who didn't care about uninvited guest but a dad who abhorred it, and dad ruled the house.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I voted for the third option.

I have no problem with anyone dropping by our home anytime.
They're all welcome.

But then, that's part of our culture.


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

If they call or not, makes little difference. I woule rather NOT have visitors at all.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, it would bother us. We don't like our sex life interrupted. Call first, otherwise we may not answer the door.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

No problem with direct family doing it from time to time.....but cousins/friends etc = rude. Call first.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Yes, it bothers me.

I think a lot of people (not everyone), enjoy catching others with their "pants down", so-to-speak. It's very rude.




Abc123wife said:


> Yes, it would bother me. I often don't wear a bra or get all dressed up if I am not expecting anyone. *The UPS guy has probably seen more than I would like at times when I get an unexpected package! *We have a glass front door, with view into the family room where we spend a lot of time. I have been known to duck behind the couch if the doorbell rings and I don't want to answer it. Solves the problem of unexpected guests!


*I really relate to this. I don't answer to UPS/FedEx/USPS anymore; they knock the door, leave the package - I wait for them to leave, before opening the door and retrieving the box.*



frusdil said:


> It depends who it is. . . . .
> Hubby's family yes - because they're very critical, judgemental and expect to be waited on. * They'd be sitting there silently judging the house *and commenting on anything that was out of place.


*I learned the hard way, that a lot of people are like this.
*




arman said:


> However what I do find rude and disrespectful is when my wife's 25 year old brother comes over to our house unannounced and *comes right on in without knocking or ringing the doorbell.* He does this almost daily. . . .
> Beyond that he usually looks in our regrigerator and pantry when he comes over and helps himself to whatever without asking.



*Maybe you guys could start locking your doors? At least that way you'd get a slight warning of his arrival. Also, maybe he'd start to get the hint!!!*


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It depends on my mood. I generally like to know beforehand so I can be prepared/awake/etc. I also love to be stocked up on stuff because I love to have something to offer whoever is coming over food/drink-wise. Preparation is key.


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

My FIL is the only one that I don't mind just dropping by. He does it so often that it's just a given that Poppy will be over to have a short visit with the kiddos. He expresses his love through food so his visits also often include some kind of meal or treat for the kids or even bags of fruit. I haven't had to buy oranges in years lol.

I've only had one friend drop by out of the blue without calling first. It was bad timing because I was in the middle of prepping the rooms for painting so our place was a bit messy. I also felt I couldn't just send her on her way because it took her 2 hours to get here. I admit I was annoyed by it and not the most gracious host because of it. 

As a rule, I always call first. Save one friend when she lived close by. She insisted I just show up whenever so I did but I never felt comfortable without calling first even though she was used to everyone else just popping by, often even during my visits over there.


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

Miss Taken said:


> My FIL is the only one that I don't mind just dropping by. He does it so often that it's just a given that Poppy will be over to have a short visit with the kiddos. He expresses his love through food so his visits also often include some kind of meal or treat for the kids or even bags of fruit. I haven't had to buy oranges in years lol.
> .




I really enjoyed reading that! Sounds like a wonderful grand dad


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Timing is everything. But even so, this sort of thing used to be a problem prior to cell phones. Now it is no bother to call or text before coming over.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It's not the dropping in that I get upset about ..* it would be more of "are they paying attention" to how we respond... do they ask if we have a few minutes.. ask if it was OK to drop by type thing.... *Some may only stay for 10 minutes.. to me, that's just not a bad thing.. We usually have a good catching up..


Couldn't agree more! I don't mind at all if people drop by. But they need to listen AND be aware of body language, cues, etc.

In other words, if we say, "Hey, great to see you but we are just on our way out." ---> Then, don't park your a$$ on my living room couch and ask for a beer!

If they respect boundaries (as we always try to) I'm all for folks dropping in. Thankfully, I have a peephole on my door and just don't open it for "offenders."

:rofl:


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Abc123wife said:


> Yes, it would bother me. I often don't wear a bra or get all dressed up if I am not expecting anyone. The UPS guy has probably seen more than I would like at times when I get an unexpected package! We have a glass front door, with view into the family room where we spend a lot of time. I have been known to duck behind the couch if the doorbell rings and I don't want to answer it. Solves the problem of unexpected guests!


:rofl: This is so me, too. 

There are days when I'm a complete mess. My hair is crazy, I'm not wearing a bra, and I still smell like sex from the night before since I haven't had a chance to shower yet. I do not want company to come over unexpectedly during those times. 

We also have a stained glass front door, so I sometimes try to hide if I hear someone knocking. The UPS guy has also seen more of me than I would like for him to, especially when breastfeeding. 

Plus, if my husband has the day off, our only alone time is when our son is napping or asleep for the night. I would rather not worry about unexpected guests during that time. 

Luckily most people have learned to call or text us first before coming over.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I don't usually mind but I do think it's rude. I make it a habit of putting on some shorts or sweats and a bra and at least combing my hair when I get up on the weekend or a day off. Even if I'm close to a friend's home and consider seeing them last minute/briefly I phone from my cell to tell them I had to be on their side of town unexpectedly and wondered if I could drop by.

I never worry much about the state of my home - it's usually not awful. I remember reading years ago in an advice column that people come by to see YOU, not your house or judge you on it. And if they do, they aren't your real friend.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

commonsenseisn't said:


> I'm careful to not do this to others, but when they do it to me I don't get ruffled. I make time for them if I can but otherwise just go about my business and include them in it. If I'm playing they play with me, if I'm working I press them into helping me, if I'm leaving to pick something up I invite them along. Hell, if I were fighting with my wife I'd invite them to take sides.
> 
> I figure if they don't call ahead then they are fair game for me to have my way with them. Makes for good entertainment and adventure. Good times.


Excellent post.. this is me & my husband all the way!


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Holland said:


> Ah yes the hair, on an average day at home mine is in a ponytail anyway, very casual here. Lately my hair only really looks good when we go out.
> 
> I am late 40's HB, old and young at the same time, it is a great stage in life


Thing is, if I haven't showered, my hair is all sorts of sticking out. No one needs to see that. My husband is the only one privy to such a state of being. I wash and blow dry my hair daily, even if it's going into a ponytail. I can't help it. 


I had to knock on our neighbors door last night - didn't have my phone with me so I couldn't text them. I knew they were home but they didn't answer. I purposely didn't look directly at the door (glass) to avoid any embarrassing hiding that may be taking place haha. Anyway, when I was reunited with my phone again, I was able to contact them instead.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Miss Taken said:


> My FIL is the only one that I don't mind just dropping by. He does it so often that it's just a given that Poppy will be over to have a short visit with the kiddos. He expresses his love through food so his visits also often include some kind of meal or treat for the kids or even bags of fruit. I haven't had to buy oranges in years lol.


Love this.


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Yes, I mind. It's huge for me. Unless it's an emergency, I think it's rude and I never answer my door. 

Go away.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Never happens. We all communicate with each other. We work, travel, never know who's where at the moment. It's only polite.


----------

