# Is an incredibly strong friendship enough to sustain a marriage?



## itsmeokay (Sep 25, 2013)

With lack of attraction and sexual feelings?

Early 30s, very good and fun friendship, lots of common interests (hobbies, pasttimes, etc) and shared values (closeknit family and friends, wanting kids, religious, etc).

He is kind, friendly, positivity seeps through his pores, and he is always (majority of the time) smiling and in a good mood.

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## itsmeokay (Sep 25, 2013)

We do not have sex. Maybe about 5 times this year. Once in January, and the other times in June when I was trying to put forth effort

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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, no - unless you are BOTH happy with things as they are and do not want or expect more sex. Keep the friendship as such, marry someone who ALSO creates passion - if that's important to either of you.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

It is not fair to marry someone you are not sexually attracted to. He deserves passion in his life. This would be a cruel and selfish act that will end in misery for both of you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

No. It's not enough.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Have you talked to him about this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

itsmeokay said:


> We do not have sex. Maybe about 5 times this year. Once in January, and the other times in June when I was trying to put forth effort


Why do you have sex this seldom? From what you wrote above it sounds like he wants more sex and you don't.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Usually it is not enough. Sexual attraction is a large component in a healthy, mutually satisfying marriage, especially for someone as young as you.

Can you elaborate on what the sexual dysfunction is ? Is it you not being attracted to him ? Him not you ?, etc. It would help for others here to give you advice.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sure, if that's what you both want. If it's not then it's incredibly selfish to remain married to someone you know wants a sexual marriage and you don't.
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

itsmeokay said:


> With lack of attraction and sexual feelings?
> 
> Early 30s, very good and fun friendship, lots of common interests (hobbies, pasttimes, etc) and shared values (closeknit family and friends, wanting kids, religious, etc).
> 
> ...


To anyone who loves and craves sexual intimacy.. (does he?)...this would be soul crushing... Is he your BF or your husband? 

Was you ever sexually attracted and if not, why did you marry ? 

A sexless marriage is considered 10 or less times a year....you are at half this.. how is he still happy & smiling I ask? Assuming he is a healthy male, in love, he would want at least 20 times more sex than that ! What do you both do.. take care of yourselves - alone? 

I vote a strong NO.. So many stories here where the passion never got off the ground...if it's not there in dating.. let the person go. it's not fair to them, allow them to find someone who DESIRES them.. *it's just THAT important*. 

Passion & Enthusiasm in the bedroom is life giving.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

If you are both happy with sex that seldom, then it is okay. 

I think it is highly unlikely though that you both are happy with this.

Also, you are both missing out. It is one of the best parts of marriage.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Another question: is life enough when it is bland without any passion?

Really, its the same question as is this thread's title. Passion, happiness, misery, etc are all lingual labels for electrochemical states of the mind that occur as a response to our environment; feeling is how we understand our relationship to our world. If you feel no passion with your husband, then that facet of your life will never be more than "neutral". 

You only live once. Certain things- definitely marriage- you should aim for to be extraordinary. If you cannot sustain passion with him, you rob yourself AND you rob him.

At the very least you need to aim to bring the passion back. If you cant, then its time for you to seperate amicably and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I checked your other threads. You are clearly not happy in this relationship. I'm not sure why you are staying.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> *Another question: is life enough when it is bland without any passion?
> *
> Really, its the same question as is this thread's title. Passion, happiness, misery, etc are all lingual labels for electrochemical states of the mind that occur as a response to our environment; feeling is how we understand our relationship to our world. If you feel no passion with your husband, then that facet of your life will never be more than "neutral".
> 
> ...


Your post made me think of a couple quotes I have saved..


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## I'llUseMyEars (Jul 27, 2014)

If you are both genuinely ok with this arrangement, I dont see anything wrong with it all. But, as Elle posted above, you have other posts that may tell a different story. I think YOU need to chime back in here, and give us some more inforation, that would possibly help give a clearer answer. 
Without some degree of passion in your life, im not convinced it can work, so, please do give us more to go on.


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## retiredvet (Jul 27, 2014)

I don't subscibe to that type of marriage. He basically is a friend. I lived that for 13 years before my ex and I mutually decided to divorce. I have the utmost love and respect for her. She is an awesome mother to my daughter, but in the end there was no passion between us. We were like sister and brother....


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## I'llUseMyEars (Jul 27, 2014)

Yes, im with you Vet. My 1st marriage went 18 years, most it spent raising 6 kids and living much of it without alot of passion. And, so of course it mutually ended. As for this couple, I think we need more info.


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