# In-Law troubles during separation



## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

I will try to make this short. H and I have been married for over 5yrs. Been friends and on/off together since grade school. He has always had anger issues, but recently he has gotten much worse. In the last several months things had progressed that he pushed me, 2x. he didn't hit me, but it was enough to make me feel horrible, and scared. He flips out, and is basically an A-hole that treats me like dirt. We have a 2 1/2 yr old son also. I told him i wanted a divorce in Nov, and now he really wants to change and make things work. He has started to go to counseling with me, and went to the dr and was put on meds for severe depression. 

His Mom and his brother and his wife (never been nice to me) have been bad mouthing me all over the place. And they know what he has been doing. Not to mention the use of pills that he has been spending $ on instead of bills. (his mom is aware of that too but continues to give him $). At Christmas I went with him to his dad's and his brother came up the road, saw me,and slammed it in reverse and left, because I was there. 
I don't see H standing up for me either. I don't know if he ever will with his family. He always backs down to them and I am stuck in the corner to be quiet. 
Should I even be considering getting back together? I really miss us being a family, and I know he is capable of being great, but it might be too late??! HELP!


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

i can only suggest that if he is going counselling with you its good news. I think maybe he proberly needs counselling seperately as an indivdual he may have demons of his own which is causing depression. Doctors unfortunately when you go to them for mental health issues just seem to give stuff for depression. He proberly has some underlying issues. 

When you go counselling as a couple you get counselling as a unit, how to function as one. i think maybe he has certain issues of his own. I am going counselling on my own at the moment due to issues i have but hopefully in the new year i will be going with my wife in order to make us stronger as a unit. 

sometimes when people are on meds for depression it can be abit difficult to get through to them. i am no doctor but he needs to come off meds, get counselling sort out his own demons. Continue to work things out with you. Then he alone will have to speak to his family to see why they dont like you ? 

Then hopefully you guys can all agree to just be civil with each other when it comes to family events.


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## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

Thank you. He just started the meds, so they aren't the problem right now. His dad was the same as him, and also abusive, but much worse. His Mom is extremely enabling, meaning she hands him $ all the time, even though she knows what he is spending it on. (pills usually), and then goes and tells him that I have a spending problem and should be paying more bills (He makes 3x more than me and she expects me to pay as much as him) 
I do think that he should see a counselor on his own, but I don't see him doing that. It is hard enough to get him to go with me. As far as his brother and SIL, He is usually nice to me, but she has always been mean to me. Most people say it was jealousy, but she is loving me not being around now, and I think it is making her mad that H wants to work things out. She is just a miserable person mostly and I am the opposite. I just don't know if he will ever back me up. Even when they do hurtful things to me he doesn't say antyhing about it, they are always right....I just don't know!


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

you need to sit him down and have a serious talk about what he wants. As much as it will be painfull for your either way you need to know where you stand rather then being in this limbo state.

if he is serious about staying with you then you need to encourage him to see a counsellor about anger issues. He needs to with out a fail continue to have sessions with you.

Some people do say to have a trial seperation but i dont know how that will sit with you as you have a child and might be financially dependent on him.
i know that if my wife didnt seperate from me i wouldnt have known my mistakes but everyone is different. You need to decide on what is right for you. it will be hard either way, to stay with him and just be unhappy, or seperate/divorce and be alone.


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## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

The family issue would be a big problem for me. This is something you need to talk to him about. He needs to make his family understand that unless you two are divorced, they should see you and accept you as family. It is childish behavior on their part and you have to duscuss it with your husband that this may be a deal breaker, because you don't appreciate being treated like trash by his family.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You keep mentioning money is he spending on pills. What pills? Are they prescribed medication or something he's getting illegally?

If prescription, what are they for?

If illegal, what is the drug?


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## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

JazzTango2Step said:


> this may be a deal breaker, because you don't appreciate being treated like trash by his family.


SOO true! His family is completely disrespecful. and have been even when we were "happlily" married! His mother tries to take our son and act like he is hers....and his SIL is just always a mean person, therefore his brother doesn't talk to me. It is much worse now, because they think "how could I do this to H...poor H" Like he is all innocent. This talk will happen soon, because I can not be in a marriage when I am being treated like crap from his family, and him....
Thanks!!!


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

are you living with his family ? or living seperately as a couple ?


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## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> If prescription, what are they for?
> 
> If illegal, what is the drug?


He did have prescribed Perks, but not anymore. He usually get those, or other pain meds from various people, who I have asked him to cease contact with, he has not, and I've checked the phone bill, and their #'s are on there several times a day....
He has had problems with hard drugs in the past, but stopped that many years ago- although I question that sometimes...

Insomnia- I am currently living with my Dad. I have my son with me and we have worked out an arrangement so far and he can pretty much see him whenever he wants. I'm pretty lax with that. I don't want to take him from him. We only live about 4 miles away from each other...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnewBeginning said:


> He did have prescribed Perks, but not anymore. He usually get those, or other pain meds from various people, who I have asked him to cease contact with, he has not, and I've checked the phone bill, and their #'s are on there several times a day....
> He has had problems with hard drugs in the past, but stopped that many years ago- although I question that sometimes...
> 
> Insomnia- I am currently living with my Dad. I have my son with me and we have worked out an arrangement so far and he can pretty much see him whenever he wants. I'm pretty lax with that. I don't want to take him from him. We only live about 4 miles away from each other...


So your husband is abusing drugs. Can you tell when he's high on them? Does he drive when he's high? It's a really bad idea to let a person those types of drugs have your child.. much less drive the vehicle your child is being transported in.

You can request that the court allow only supervised visitation until he tests clean for drugs. I'm not sure how long things like perks stay in the system for drug testing. Maybe request hair testing.

I know my husband requested drug testing for his wife. She went 6 months before she would submit to the drug tests. So she went 6 months with no access to her children. She was using herion and other drugs so I guess she was waiting for enough of her hair to grow out before the test... which was clean by the time she did the tests.


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