# What else should I discuss about?



## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

Today, my stbxh and I are scheduled to meet with a lawyer so we can file for divorce by mutual consent. 
We have 'discussed' how to handle child custody (i will have sole custody of our 16 month old son), visitation (he does not want to exercise his visitation rights) and we will be talking to the lawyer about child support since we both earn and we are not sure how the law works in this case. 

We are not financially dependent on each other. There is no outgo from my income towards his loans and I have no dependency over his income. I very much doubt if he would be willing to pay child support. In the event that the court does force him to bear child support, does it make sense to work out the math and get him to pay at a single shot? The main reason for asking this question is that I honestly do not want any sort of contact, especially financial, with him post-divorce. 

I am wondering if there are other rights post-divorce that I should get clarification about. Please let me know your thoughts.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi goodmom ~

I'm sorry I don't know all about what your situation is. But, I will say that if you are considering monthly child support, please check the laws of your state (US).

In the state that I live in, the state collects the child support amounts and then distributes them to the recipients, so you as the custodial parent never have to be involved other than to receive the money. If the non-custodial parent doesn't pay their support, the state automatically handles going after them and garnishing their wages, so again you as the non-custodial parent does not have to be involved. It also would not matter whether he was willing to pay support or not in my state. If there is a decree for support, then he would be compelled to pay whether he wanted to or not.

Other things you might want to discuss would be health care coverage for the child. Even if you have a job now, what would you do if something happened in the future and you no longer had health care benefits, but your ex did (I am assuming you are in the US and getting health benefits through an employer)?

Best of luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would ask for monthly child support. And yes, he will have many rights as the biological father.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

In my state, they determine the cost of caring for the child every month (roughly) and then assign a portion to each parent based on income, and he pays his portion to you since you have custody. So, for example, he might pay 70% of the child's care since he makes so much more than you, or you might bear 60% since you make more. If you're both about equal, then it would probably be a close to equal split. 

I don't think there is any way to do it as a one shot deal, I think it has to be in installments. I do know in my state we have something called the State Disbursement Unit. My ex sends his payments to them and then they send it to me, so there's no contact between us. Something to look into at least.

I also know that my state goes after him when he doesn't pay (which is the usual situation), and although I do have to show up for those hearings, I still don't have to talk to him. 

Lastly, even though you don't want to deal with him, keep in mind that no matter what, you have to do what's best for your son. If that means dealing with your ex, then that's what you gotta do. 

Just talk to the lawyers and find out what they think is best for handling all this.


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## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

Thank u all for the response.

I am actually from India. I have been reading up a lot about the laws in my country and I kind of know how child support will be handled..It is pretty much common to how it is done in the US. It is decided based on how much we both make. Anyway I really dont care so much about child support as much as I want to be legally free from him...
I saw him after so many weeks today at the lawyer's office and all i kept thinking to myself was "What did i see in him?"
And as for doing what is best for my son, I am going to be a single mom...literally..He doesn't want custody nor ever wants visitation...I mean why would he...that would only mean more expense for him...according to his screwed up principles anything beyond basic food, clothing and shelter is extravagance!!!!

I sometimes feel like driving off a cliff so that I wouldn't have to go through this....


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