# Is this normal



## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

My wife and I got back together on Monday.

Last Friday I started to have a problem... I can not get a full erection 
It's almost like the high of being with my wife is greater then having an orgasim.... 

My Therapist said this is normal... As I was on an emotional rollercoaster for a few weeks.
I know my Wife loves me and those who have read my posts know some of the history....

It's been a week and no change  I can not get a full erection and it's starting to really bother me... I have always thought my wife is Beautiful and still do... I love her body and to be honest I want it more and more all the time. Sexualy I go through the feelings like being horney (sorry for being graphic) just a look from her always excited me and still does.

Anyone this the Therapist is right that it's normal????


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Roger136913-

How often have you been ejaculating per week in the last month, and how old are you?


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Mark

I was able to ejaculate twice the other night with her... Over the last month I have been able to with her more then a dozen times.... I am 43 years old.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Opps until a week ago I never had this problem...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Stress. It takes many forms. In the case of sex, the more 'up in your head' you are, the more pronounce the issue can become. Odds are you are feeling anxious about expectations in the relationship.

If you are concerned, see a urologist. Get your prostate checked. Request a sample of viagra. The blue pill can can make it easier to get over the psychological hump, but the issue is more than likely psychological as opposed to physical.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Deejo

Yea the Doctor told me I am too anxious and it's the getting back with my Wife has just set the sexual urge aside.. Though I told him I have more sexual urges then before he laughed and said that's normal also. 

He put it a different way....

Our marriage was this way, not it's this way..... so that coupled with the few weeks of the emoutions of being real sad then going to being real happy plays alot on the brain.

He said it might be a week or 2 before I am back to normal.... As for the little blue pill, thats a no go with a Heart Murmor and my family history... 

For almost a week I have been about the happiest in my marriage then I ever have in almost 20 years... My Wife thinks it's the happyiness also....

I just never had this happen before... Like I said I get an erection but it's only like 90%..... It's not enought to substain intercourse and make me have an ejaculation... I also think it's cause I am thinking of pleasing my Wife more and think about it alot....


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Roger136913-

You are ejaculating too often. ejaculation is like letting of steam. Insufficient pressure build up will make your erections poor. See: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/4579-semen-retention-101-a.html


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

You are putting pressure on yourself Roger. Take it easy and enjoy.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

No Change  

The Wife feels it's her, though I re-enforce her that it's me... I tell her She is more beautiful then she was when I met her, and I love her more and more (which I do)

I was able to get a full erection for a whole 2 seconds.. So I know it has to be a emotional problem....

I have done the retention Mark...I don't do it all the time. The Past 8-10 days I have done it.. Also in the past. 

Mommy22

She is understanding and patient.... but she also thinks it's her fault.. 

Martino

Yea I might be putting more stress on me. But right now there is nothing more then I want to do than make love to my Wife


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Mommy22

Yea she said lets just put the sex on hold for a few days also. She also suggested we just cuddle and talk, and concentrate on other things.... Though this Saturday she is leaving for a week to be with her Mother. She will be over 1200 miles away  So I want to make Love to her if just once before she goes...

But for now I will keep away from Sex... Thanks for a Females aspect. I will and welcome the quality time with her


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Roger136913-

I think you are not only nervous, but scared of getting what you wished for. All the time you were chasing her, and she was being elusive, you felt safe. But now she has turned in her tracks and approached you - you feel nervous. The retention thing will gradually empower you. Do not ejaculate solo whatever you do! After 3 weeks of not coming, your hormones will be raging. I had a similar experience which is mentioned near the end of this article (section "A Third way"): Erectile Dysfunction


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Mark

Wow.... I have thought of that also....I am nervous.... Of the Love I feel and the Love she is showing and the affection she is showing. It's like I don't want to mess anything up but I do cause i can't get it up 

Thanks Mark, I know her being away will be great for the Sex issue


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Roger, 

I've had ED with my wife probably 5-10 times over the years. She always told me i'm trying too hard. It always happened to me when pleasing her was of the most importance. You need to psych yourself up in a selfish state of mind with an: "I'm gonna hit this" mentality. Of course her getting off is as if not more important. Lately i'm finding argument sex the best, we have a mild argument to build tension. She knows I do it for that reason too...weird. I'm just saying, quit being so tender and loving for a little while, then return to that after you are done. That's what works for me when in this rut, hope it's of help....

Martino


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

My opinion is that you are most likely really affraid of losing your wife again and want to please her so much that you are affraid of failure and some times this fear of failure can make it difficult to perform in bed I personally have experienced this myself in the past. relaxing and letting things just happen can be difficult when you have failed to become erect you start to think about what if it happens this time again ? in return making you more nervous and you become more self pressured to perform and the more it happens the worse it gets and so on and so on you may have the beginning stages of ED all sorts of things including high cholesterol and other things can cause this maybe you need to get a physical to be sure well I hope things get better and you and your wife have a better time this go around wish you all the best .......Finding peace :yay:


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Thanks Martino and FindingPeace....

Not much has changed since my last post, though I was able to have an erection long enough for her to have an orgasim, I did not. 
Yes Finding, I do think about what will happen this time  Last night I just went with it and it worked even though it was not that long of a time, but it worked. So I guess I am not broken just my wiring from the brain is crossed LOL... I have to laugh a bit as if I don't well, I don't know what to think .....

I am hoping the week away (She leaves Saturday then returns the following Saturday) will give me time to clear my head a bit at least on that matter.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Roger136913 said:


> Not much has changed since my last post, though I was able to have an erection long enough for her to have an orgasim


How long were you erect for?


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Mark

It was about 10 minutes


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Well if you can do it for that long, there is nothing wrong with your body. 

One thing that happens to some men over 35 if that the way their erections work changes. When you were 18 it went up at the slightest stimulation and stayed up for a long time, even if the stimulus was removed. As you get older, the erections tend to wilt faster when the stimulus is gone. But you can soon get hard again with renewed stimulus.

In the ESO book (extended sexual orgasm), the authors who are both doctors recommend an exercise for older men with your problem. They get their wives to stimulate them to erection manually. Then stop - wait for it to wilt... then start again, carrying on until erection returns. After several cycles of this, the man gets used to the fact that erections can easily be regained with fresh stimulation.

It makes little difference if the stimulation is physical or tactile. Which is why it helps to focus on sex when you are having it  The fact you are not cumming every time does not matter - the urge will build up and you will cum whenever your body wants to get rid of semen.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Mark

I have tried that and let's just say she can't get me erect at times  Again never had this problem till just over 2 weeks ago....

My Therapist says it's normal and it should go away.... My Wife is gone for 7 nights so this might help alot also,,,, I hope it does...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Roger136913 said:


> Mark
> 
> I have tried that and let's just say she can't get me erect at times  Again never had this problem till just over 2 weeks ago....


It's just performance anxiety. Keep going. Performance anxiety hits older men more than younger becuase in young men, the hormones are raging like a forest fire - almost nothing will dampen the erection reflex. As you get older and the hormones subside, the doubts in the back of ones mind get more "air time", and this can cause a contraction in the smooth muscle of the penis. This hampers erection, becuase this muscle needs to be relaxed to led the blood flow in. 

Tension...

But semen retention can allow the hormones to build up again, and a more youthful response is possible. The optimum gap between ejaculations varies from male to male, depending on age, diet and body type.

It might help you to do the exact exercise described in the book, not during sex, but on it's own, if she is willing to participate. It will boost your confidence.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Thanks Mark


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