# Wife may be seeing another man



## Lent2202 (Nov 8, 2021)

My wife and I have been married almost 4 years. We have a 3 year old son. About a year ago she started changing. She basically stopped trying in our marriage. We have both done things and had our problems and forgiven each other for them. The last few months have been the worst. There's a lot more to all of this but I'll try to sum it up as short as I can. She has been acting shady for about a year. I have questioned her about some texts I have seen. She has a lot of guy friends but they live 1k miles away where she moved from to be with me. I have been questioning her loyalty for over a year and she keeps denying it. Recently, she was added to my phone plan and I was able to see who she was texting but not the content. In the past two weeks, she has sent/received 2500 texts and almost 1000 of them were from who I later found out was another guy. I confronted her about this and asked to see the content of these texts that she says are innocent and they are just friends. I do not believe her. After the full year of being shady and I finally find some real evidence that she could be having an affair. She will not show me the contents of the texts and says I am psychotic. I am not sure what to do...


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

The fact you asked to see the content and she will not show you right there tells me they are NOT innocent. If they were, she'd have no problem showing you.

Do you know how to set her SMS app to always share her location with you? If so, do that so you know where she is at.

Or if she keeps her phone locked and you cannot access it, do you have a friend that might be willing to follow her?


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## Lent2202 (Nov 8, 2021)

drencrom said:


> The fact you asked to see the content and she will not show you right there tells me they are NOT innocent. If they were, she'd have no problem showing you.
> 
> Do you know how to set her SMS app to always share her location with you? If so, do that so you know where she is at.
> 
> Or if she keeps her phone locked and you cannot access it, do you have a friend that might be willing to follow her?


I cant get into her phone. She has an apple phone and I have android. She has a passcode. If I set up the familywhere app on tmobile, she will know she is being tracked and will say I'm even more psychotic. I don't have any friends that would be willing to follow her..


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Lent2202 said:


> My wife and I have been married almost 4 years. We have a 3 year old son. About a year ago she started changing. She basically stopped trying in our marriage. We have both done things and had our problems and forgiven each other for them. The last few months have been the worst. There's a lot more to all of this but I'll try to sum it up as short as I can. She has been acting shady for about a year. I have questioned her about some texts I have seen. She has a lot of guy friends but they live 1k miles away where she moved from to be with me. I have been questioning her loyalty for over a year and she keeps denying it. Recently, she was added to my phone plan and I was able to see who she was texting but not the content. In the past two weeks, she has sent/received 2500 texts and almost 1000 of them were from who I later found out was another guy. I confronted her about this and asked to see the content of these texts that she says are innocent and they are just friends. I do not believe her. After the full year of being shady and I finally find some real evidence that she could be having an affair. *She will not show me the contents of the texts* and says I am psychotic. I am not sure what to do...


This says it all.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

She is cheating, for sure. 1000 texts to some guy, refusing to let you see them, keeping her phone locked, are all proof of that.

Is the phone number local? Does she drive? You can put a GPS tracker and VAR in her car. 

But really, you have to decide when enough is enough. Guilty people lie, hide, and gaslight, innocent people don't.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Sorry you are here. You already know what is happening in your gut.

Secrets are not part of marriage. Concealing your activity is not privacy, so don't let her use that.

There is no doubt what she's up to and the content of those texts being concealed is because she would be busted.

The false confrontations are not helpful, if you don't have bulletproof evidence, you are just informing her she needs to hide it better.

You need to decide if you know enough for yourself to divorce, or if you want rock solid proof... that will help the posters here guide you on what to do.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Lent2202 said:


> I cant get into her phone.


I would assume at this point she is deleting all the texts to hide evidence. You could grab it while she is using it and it is unlocked and run, just don't let it lock....


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Lent2202 said:


> My wife and I have been married almost 4 years. We have a 3 year old son. About a year ago she started changing. She basically stopped trying in our marriage. We have both done things and had our problems and forgiven each other for them. The last few months have been the worst. There's a lot more to all of this but I'll try to sum it up as short as I can. She has been acting shady for about a year. I have questioned her about some texts I have seen. She has a lot of guy friends but they live 1k miles away where she moved from to be with me. I have been questioning her loyalty for over a year and she keeps denying it. Recently, she was added to my phone plan and I was able to see who she was texting but not the content. In the past two weeks, she has sent/received 2500 texts and almost 1000 of them were from who I later found out was another guy. I confronted her about this and asked to see the content of these texts that she says are innocent and they are just friends. I do not believe her. After the full year of being shady and I finally find some real evidence that she could be having an affair. She will not show me the contents of the texts and says I am psychotic. I am not sure what to do...


_She has a lot of guy friends... _ She has many replacements for you.

_but they live 1k miles away where she moved from to be with me. _They don't have to live close to lay the groundwork / emotional affair. Also there is nothing stopping any of these friends from getting on a plane to come _visit_ your wife.

_In the past two weeks, she has sent/received 2500 texts and almost 1000 of them were from who I later found out was another guy. _ They are talking about more than the weather that is certain. If she is communicating with these men more than you there is certainly a problem.

_She will not show me the contents of the texts and says I am psychotic. _Does not sound like she can be reasoned with.

Hire a private investigator to get you proof. You might want to speak with a lawyer and see what divorce looks like.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Blaming the faithful spouse (calling you psychotic) is a common technique in the cheaters playbook.

It is the beginning of her re-writing the marital history to blame you for her cheating. Do not allow this to happen.

It is not psychotic to want to know why your spouse is sending thousands of texts to someone of the opposite sex, especially someone she is keeping secret.

Research the guy, find out if he is married.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

There is none so blind as he who refuses to see.....she is cheating. Really, 1000 plus text?
Cmon man....wake up.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Lent2202 said:


> My wife and I have been married almost 4 years. We have a 3 year old son. About a year ago she started changing. She basically stopped trying in our marriage. *We have both done things and had our problems and forgiven each other for them*. The last few months have been the worst. There's a lot more to all of this but I'll try to sum it up as short as I can. She has been acting shady for about a year. I have questioned her about some texts I have seen. She has a lot of guy friends but they live 1k miles away where she moved from to be with me. *I have been questioning her loyalty for over a year *and she keeps denying it. Recently, she was added to my phone plan and I was able to see who she was texting but not the content. In the past two weeks, she has sent/received 2500 texts and almost 1000 of them were from who I later found out was another guy. I confronted her about this and asked to see the content of these texts that she says are innocent and they are just friends. I do not believe her. After the full year of being shady and I finally find some real evidence that she could be having an affair. She will not show me the contents of the texts and says I am psychotic. I am not sure what to do...


These are some pretty nasty red flags. Did she cheat before you got married? Did you?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Young child and a (likely) cheating mother?

Deee

Ennn


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sorry
You’ve got yourself a standard variety gaslighting cheater. You can get an attorney and end this, or keep being a wallet and emotional punching/ security blanket for your cheating wife. Let me guess, you’re not getting much or any sex, she don’t even kiss you or touch you in any way…..

exactly what will you be losing when you divorce her?

She’s a black cloud over your life. Consider walking out of the rain.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Lent2202 said:


> I cant get into her phone. She has an apple phone and I have android. She has a passcode. If I set up the familywhere app on tmobile, she will know she is being tracked and will say I'm even more psychotic. I don't have any friends that would be willing to follow her..


Stop badgering her and go into Sherlock mode. It is time to start playing it smart and stop showing her your hand. The biggest mistake most jilted spouses make when investigating the wayward spouse is they talk too much. Stop talking to her about it and do some discreet sleuthing. All it will do is drive her further underground. 

The most obvious recommendation would be to hire a private investigator. They are waaaay more adept at uncovering stuff than you will ever be. But they do cost and can be expensive. But if you have a couple grand to burn this would be my recommendation. If you cannot hire a P.I., call your cell provider and ask them to send you the call logs going back a year. Even then, if you find a number that she texts and calls often, you can find the owner of that number and that will get you several miles down the road. Even then, don't confront her until you have gathered as much evidence as you can. Why do this? Peace of mind above all else, and the data may give you some leverage in the divorce. 

I'm sorry you are going through this, but you need to accept that this woman you are married to stopped being your wife long ago. She is the enemy now and you need to protect yourself and your finances from her as best you can.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

i mean, do you really need any more proof? thousands of texts? When i discovered my wife cheatng it was the same...thousands of minutes on the phone and bunch of texts...it never crossed my mind that it wasn't cheating. Only reason to think about a PI was to see if it would help me in a divorce.

C'mon man. Only decision you have now is how you are going to handle the situation going forward, not whether she's cheating or not.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Confronting her was a big mistake. You learned nothing new and now she knows you're suspicious so she'll be more careful with hiding the evidence. 

Most guys with self respect would have stopped badgering her for information they realize they'll never get and simply file for divorce. You've got more than enough here to know this one's over.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

Lent2202 said:


> I cant get into her phone. She has an apple phone and I have android. She has a passcode. If I set up the familywhere app on tmobile, she will know she is being tracked and will say I'm even more psychotic. I don't have any friends that would be willing to follow her..


If you have another Apple device (computer, iPad, or an old iPhone), you can add it to her iCloud account. That will make all of her texts (even iMessages) show up on the cloned device. But you need access to her phone to do it. The fact that she won't let you see her phone should prompt a game of hardball: Download and fill out a divorce petition from your state's website and tell her if she doesn't unlock and hand you her phone immediately, you will file for divorce. Then hand her the petition.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

Also, look at her call logs and see how much time she spends on the phone with that number, what times do they talk, who calls who, etc.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Jeffsmith35 said:


> If you have another Apple device (computer, iPad, or an old iPhone), you can add it to her iCloud account. That will make all of her texts (even iMessages) show up on the cloned device. But you need access to her phone to do it. The fact that she won't let you see her phone should prompt a game of hardball: Download and fill out a divorce petition from your state's website and tell her if she doesn't unlock and hand you her phone immediately, you will file for divorce. Then hand her the petition.


And for Gods sake, don’t let her have even 30 seconds alone with the phone before handing it over to you. 
This can’t be a bluff. You need to be dead serious or it will just backfire. So I’d take it a step further even. Have actual divorce papers drawn up and filed by an attorney so when you hand them to her it’s official. 
Because if she won’t give you her phone at that point, there is some really damaging stuff on it that is no doubt divorce-worthy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just divorce. No need to ask questions just to be lied to. You haven’t had a wife in a year. She’s clearly with another msn. See an attorney. There’s nothing else you can do except protect yourself. She’s not only not your wife, she’s your worst enemy now. I’m sorry.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Lent2202 said:


> I cant get into her phone. She has an apple phone and I have android. She has a passcode. If I set up the familywhere app on tmobile, she will know she is being tracked and will say I'm even more psychotic. I don't have any friends that would be willing to follow her..


Then you are going to have to follow her yourself, somehow. And since she'll know your car, not sure how that would work.

So honestly, since she is lying, hiding her information, etc, its time to start getting angry. So far you seem passive about it and its not working. Or just succumb to the fact she is a cheating dirtbag and start the divorce proceedings. I know its now what you want to think about, but what are you to do??

Another avenue is to hire a PI.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

Several people have already posted what I am about to type, but I wanted to just be another voice that says you are not psychotic and should trust your gut. I was married to someone who cheated and they did pretty much everything you are describing--acted different, glued to their phone, wouldn't show texts, claimed I was crazy and blowing things out of proportion. Thing is, when you are married to someone, you know how they behave. If you sense something is off, something is off. Trust your gut. At minimum, she's cheating emotionally. But I'd wager it is more than that most likely. 

And I am sorry you are in this spot. Having been there, I know it is rough and you feel crazy. But you aren't.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why isn't exchanging thousands of texts with another male, and refusing to let you see them already enough to know this relationship should end?

Why would you need anything more?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

This should be a golden rule of modern marriage. Spouses have unfettered access to each other's communication devices, period. 

If at any time your spouse won't freely give you their phone they are at least doing/saying something they shouldn't be and they are most likely already cheating in some form. It is as simple as that. There is zero doubt that your wife is in an inappropriate relationship with anyone they are sending 1000's of texts to in a month. The only thing you are missing is details, but do they really matter?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

She's already planning to move back home. That's why the guys she's chatting up are from there. Its likely she has kept these guys in her back pocket in case she ever wanted out.


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