# Spouse who wants pets



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

I was Just wondering how couples have dealt with disagreements about pets. My wife loves animals, as I do, but I'm not a huge fan of living with so many of them. 

One example is cats, I'm actually allergic to them and she keeps pushing us to get one because she's had them all her life. We are planning to move to a bigger house in the next couple of years and I said I would consider it but it's something that I'm dreading because of my allergies. 
She also wants a dog in the future, I'm not allergic to dogs but I'm not a fan of an animal that requires so much attention and cleaning everyday. But once again she says that she has to have a dog with her some time in the future...

Just wanted to get some people's input on similar issues that they've dealt with.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Cat people should marry cat people. lol

This kind of disagreement can seriously cause a riff in your relationship. My husband is allergic to cats, so as much as I love cats, and grew up with them etc. etc., we don't have a cat. It's not worth him being sick for. We have a dog, but she's hypoallergenic. She's a Schnoodle (poodle/schnauzer) and he is fine with her, but yes she's like having a 2 year old child. We both do things for the dog, but I primarily care for her and he's fine with that. We have hardwood floors in the house too, which is really nice for any pet accidents.

My thoughts are, if your wife wants a dog, then it will be mainly HER responsibility to care for it. Otherwise, staying pet-less isn't a horrible thing.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How to live with a cat if you are allergic to them.

Living with Cat Allergies - Petfinder


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Don't get the dog just b/c your wife wants one and you want to make her happy.

My ex did this with me. I wish he would have just been up front and honest that he did not want a dog instead of going with me to the rescue organizations and picking out the dog HE was interested in. 

Ended up when we divorced, he got rid of the so called dog "he picked out" b/c he never wanted a dog to begin with.

I feel so bad for Koda, I hope he got a good home b/c my ex just dumped him at the shelter  I took my 2 dogs when I moved so couldn't take Koda as well or I would have!


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I said no to a dog and have stood by that for 22 years. I simply do not have the energy or interest in caring for one. I like to be able to leave without worrying about an animal. I have cats because they are largely self sufficient.

Oh and he knew this about me before we married.


----------



## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

We have too many dogs and the last one was one too many. We love them, but they keep us from easy travel, etc. and take a lot of time. That said, I could see it working (since no allergy) if the one who wants it clearly understands their spouse will not be a primary caregiver for the pet. If she wants cats so bad, do you live somewhere that an outdoor cat would be ok (like the country)? Seems risky to push an allergy situation (and a bit selfish).


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I could not enjoy my life fully without my dog. They are such a joy and a stress release. H knew this about me when we met. He doesn't care one way or the other about the dog. I do all of the work, I don't ask him to walk, feed, kennel, or clean up for the dog. H does enjoy the benefits from the stress reduction I get from having a pet around.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Excluding allergies... If husband wants a pet, the pet ends up being Mom's in most cases. If the kids want a pet, the pet ends up being Mom's in nearly all cases. So, if Mom wants a pet, fine, but if Mom doesn't want a pet, no one gets one cause it's going to end up her responsibility anyway.

I think it's insensitive to get a pet that your spouse is allergic too.

My kids used to ask what I would do if they developed an allergy to dogs... I told them I would miss them terribly!


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

someone90 said:


> My wife loves animals, as I do, but I'm not a huge fan of living with so many of them.
> 
> One example is cats, I'm actually allergic to them and she keeps pushing us to get one ...
> 
> She also wants a dog in the future, I'm not allergic to dogs but I'm not a fan of an animal that requires so much attention and cleaning everyday.


Uh, no ... sorry, you do NOT love animals. You probably don't wish them any harm, but you are not an animal lover.

Your wife wants A cat and A dog. That's too many? And you are not "a fan of an animal that requires so much attention..."? 

Nope. No animals for you. 

I am allergic to cats and dogs. At one point, I had three cats and a dog. I also got allergy shots once a week for three years. It made my allergies manageable, along with non-prescription allergy pills, when needed.

Yeah, dogs need to be fed, walked, house broken, and taken to the veterinarian. If you find the responsibility for one cat and one dog is too much for you, then that is fine. 

I respect people who aren't into animals. But I would never marry anyone with that mindset. 

JMO.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A house isn't a home without a dog. They bite burglars, they adore you when all humans are convinced you're a jerk. They think running errands in the car is a great adventure. They don't care if you're innocent or guilty, rich or broke, drunk or sober, or whether you live in a mansion or a cardboard box. They let you know when the mail or UPS comes and they'll be glad to wake you up if your house is on fire.


----------



## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

There are drugs you can take for allergies. There are doggie day cares for daytime care. Just give her this. If not, she will probably want a baby. Then you'll see how much less work a cat or dog is!


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

You have a right to your opinion and your wife should respect it. You just need to decide how important this issue is to you. Is it worth telling your wife in no uncertain terms that its you or a pet? 

Fwiw, I married a guy who is not a big fan of animals and I am an animal lover. The difference is that I had my two cats when we started dating and let him know in the beginning that we came as a package. He decided it wasn't an important enough issue to break up over I guess. Once we moved in together the cats became part of his every day life. I did 100% of their everyday care for years until I got pregnant and was told by the doc not to touch the litter box. He took over from that point forward and it seems that now he doesnt even care much about them being around. He helps to take care of them and I even catch him cuddling them once in awhile. 

He still wont say he likes animals but it is clear to me that he cares about them on some level. He notices when something is wrong with one of them and worries about them like any other member of the family. 

Knowing he has opened his heart to them means a lot to me and makes me love him more.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

When I met my husband I had 4 cats and 3 dogs. He had fish and turtles, lol. He is allergic to cat fur but had grown up with cats anyway and loves them.

We discussed all of this prior to my moving in, and we both compromised on a few things but it's all worked out so well.

Yes, the dogs drive him nuts and can be messy, especially with muddy paws in winter but he loves them 

I personally can't understand living without pets, they make a house a home


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> A house isn't a home without a dog. They bite burglars, they adore you when all humans are convinced you're a jerk. They think running errands in the car is a great adventure. They don't care if you're innocent or guilty, rich or broke, drunk or sober, or whether you live in a mansion or a cardboard box. They let you know when the mail or UPS comes and they'll be glad to wake you up if your house is on fire.


And with out a dog, how could you possibly clean up a spilled milkshake...or anything for that matter!


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

From the start, we have had at least a dog or a cat...sometimes both. There was only a short period of time when we had no pets at all. I love cats. My husband loves cats. I love dogs. My husband loves dogs. Currently, we have a small dog. That animal is more likely to LICK a burglar to death, rather than bite them!

We recently discovered that our daughter is allergic to cats. We found out when we were visiting my sister, who has two cats. Sad thing is, our little girl LOVES cats... but her eyes get very puffy when she's around them, even WITH medication. We limit her interaction because of this. Yea, she could get an allergy shot in addition to the allergy medication she takes, if we were to get a cat for our home. But you know what? HER HEALTH is much more important than WANTING a cat. 

And I feel the same about what the OP has posted regarding this subject. WHY should he have to take medication just to live in his own house?? Why should an animal, which they do not even HAVE, come before his health? It shouldn't. And it's ridiculous to assume that he should take medication just so his wife can have a damn cat!

As for a dog... I can also respect not wanting to have one of them as well. If you know that you will not have the time available to care for a pet, to spend time with it, etc., then it would be stupid to get one. THAT is just common sense. 

As for the statement that he isn't an animal lover because he doesn't want them in his own home, I call BS on that. You can love animals and not want them as your pet. I love horses... but I will never own one. I don't have the time, nor the resources available to care for one. It still doesn't change the fact that I love animals, including horses, regardless.

I can accept that some see no problem with taking medication to be around animals, but I don't think it's right to tell someone else to just take pills to make the spouse happy. Unreal...

To the OP: should you end up backed into a corner on this subject, and your wife gets a cat anyway, tell her that it stays outside, period. And the dog... well, since she wants it so bad, tell her she is responsible for all appointments, walking, feeding, bathing, etc. But that's JMO. And yes, I have done that. The only thing that changed it was when my husband has been physically incapable of caring for the dog himself. Otherwise, yes, it's been his responsibility, not mine. He is the one with the doctor's note for a companion pet (we wouldn't be able to have a pet at all without that note), so it's his responsibility.


----------



## 82hazel (Aug 25, 2013)

If you don't like them fess up. My husband told me he LOVES dogs. He got me dogs and then verbally abused them too. Yelling ALL the time at them, the house was in CHAOS. 

I had to give up my dog who was my heart. He went everywhere with me. 

Now about a year later, I am leaving him. 

Soooooo Tell the truth before things get out of hand. 

If you liked dogs, you would be happy to share your home. But it doesn't sound like you REALLY like them. You say you do, but...well.....


----------



## zackie (Aug 27, 2013)

It's my experience that people who want pets should marry people who want pets. I convinced my husband to get 2 dogs that he didn't really want. While he has very much bonded with one of them in particular, it holds us back from making spur of the moment plans, and no matter what we have planned on a weekend we always have to rush back to the house to take care of them. That bothers my husband a lot more than it bothers me and has created some resentment on his part in our marriage. It also creates resentment in me because I always think about what it would have been like to be married to an person who would actually want to help out with taking care of them. It's much more enjoyable to partner together on taking care of a pet than the person who wanted them having to take on all the responsibility.


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

82hazel said:


> If you don't like them fess up. My husband told me he LOVES dogs. He got me dogs and then verbally abused them too. Yelling ALL the time at them, the house was in CHAOS.
> 
> I had to give up my dog who was my heart. He went everywhere with me.
> 
> ...


What does liking animals have to do with keeping them in your home? If someone really loved animals I don't think they would keep them trapped in their home for their own pleasure. 
I would really like to have a cat since they're so independent and there's no feelings of guilt because they go in out if they want, but I'm allergic so it's not really an option.
On top of that, it puts so much strain on your life if you have to schedule every day around taking care of a pet so they don't go crazy being alone...


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I would think this was something to be ironed out as early as when you started dating.

I couldn't even date someone who didn't want pets let alone marry that person. I'd feel the same way if I didn't enjoy pets in my home.I couldn't date someone who wanted pets if I didnt. It's one of those issues that is very difficult to compromise on when you're living together.

I can tell you when SO and began dating he was leery of my choice for breed of dogs as well as the revolving door of foster dogs.
I told him up front,I will not change on this matter and I cannot compromise on it.He understood and gave the dogs and fosters a chance.
We now have 2 rescues of our own,one of them was a foster fail on his part LOL! he's also just as big of an advocate for the breed as I am

But it's still work.It's a lifestyle adjustment and can be very expensive at times. That's why I think if one or the other feels strongly for or against owning pets then there will be significant issues about this bc neither side is wrong.It's just a difference in preference and opinion.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

someone90 said:


> What does liking animals have to do with keeping them in your home? If someone really loved animals I don't think they would keep them trapped in their home for their own pleasure.
> I would really like to have a cat since they're so independent and there's no feelings of guilt because they go in out if they want, but I'm allergic so it's not really an option.
> On top of that, it puts so much strain on your life if you have to schedule every day around taking care of a pet so they don't go crazy being alone...


This sucks. You would like a cat but I get it. Being allergic means you sacrifice your like for your health.

Yes sure, people can get the shots etc., but that's not an option for everyone. Those treatments are expensive (we went through it so I know).


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think it's selfish to expect your spouse to get allergy shots or take pills just so there can be a family pet.Unless the allergic person wants to do it bc they want the pet,it's not ok to expect it.


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I would think this was something to be ironed out as early as when you started dating.
> 
> I couldn't even date someone who didn't want pets let alone marry that person. I'd feel the same way if I didn't enjoy pets in my home.I couldn't date someone who wanted pets if I didnt. It's one of those issues that is very difficult to compromise on when you're living together.
> 
> ...


I told my wife that we could get a cat one day as long as it stays outdoor the majority of the time, and if it has a certain fur type that doesn't bother me as much. Also, this needed to wait until we get a larger home so I can have my space. 

The dog part just came out of nowhere because she knows I didn't want to keep a dog in my house at all. She even agreed that it would be too much work and wouldn't be fair to the dog. I think this will blow over and she will realize it's better not to keep one.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

someone90 said:


> I told my wife that we could get a cat one day as long as it stays outdoor the majority of the time, and if it has a certain fur type that doesn't bother me as much. Also, this needed to wait until we get a larger home so I can have my space.
> 
> The dog part just came out of nowhere because she knows I didn't want to keep a dog in my house at all. She even agreed that it would be too much work and wouldn't be fair to the dog. I think this will blow over and she will realize it's better not to keep one.


She has no leg to stand on then regarding this matter.She already agreed to just getting a cat of a certain breed and already agreed to the terms for having the cat. There was no discussion about a dog nor did she originally express that she may want a dog at some point added to the fact that you already expressed ahead of time how you felt about owning a dog.
I'm going to go on a limb here and say this whole let's get pets thing is really a "i feel empty" thing.maybe?


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Get a dog. You NEED a dog. You just don't know it yet. They're Man's Best Friend. You want to navigate life without your best friend? You might have a son someday. You're going to make a boy grow up without a dog? That'd be inhumane.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Get a dog. You NEED a dog. You just don't know it yet. They're Man's Best Friend. You want to navigate life without your best friend? You might have a son someday. You're going to make a boy grow up without a dog? That'd be inhumane.


As a foster I have to say what's inhumane is someone getting a dog they don't really want.Those dogs usually end up being put down at shelters or being neglected at home.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My h loves cats, but I am allergic to them. We have a few cats and one is actually my buddy that is always by my side. As long as his fur doesn't touch my face I'm fine. I clean up the hair daily. 

We have other pets as well. 2 dogs, a flock of chickens which are mine and the kids each have a bunny. I clean the coop several times a day. We spend quite a bit on our pets and vet bills. The kids are each responsible to clean up after their bunny. All our pets our fixed, except the chickens since we need the eggs which I do sell.

We each have our responsibility to which pets we are in charge for. I do a majority of the pet care since I'm a sahm. I like the house clean and hair free, so I have a nice routine I stick with.

Everyone seems to be pretty happy. The kids want horses, but I physically can not take care of them, so they are enrolled in horseback lessons each fall.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

OP if you don't want a dog, don't get one. Don't be pressured into it either, because you'll end up resenting it later.

It's okay too. Not everyone is into pets, or only have mild interest. My husband grew up with NO pets and here I come with my kids and we're nuts about animals of all kinds. We compromised and he's in love with our dog, but we did try with the cats (almost 3 years) and it was just too much for him. I didn't force the issue with the cat, he volunteered getting shots etc., but it just didn't work out.


----------



## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

OP......put your foot down and don't bother getting any animals. YOu are really not all the interested and your marriage will become strained if an animals sets a foot in your house. YOu have allergies on top of it, while I don't have any allergy problems, my husband and my daughters do, and I know how it can be miserable for them.
Don't give an inch to your wife.....she'll get over it.


----------



## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

My hubs HATES cats. Or so he says...

One night this little starved kitten was looking in our window, but when we opened the door she ran. The next day, Hubs was off work and working in the garage when she walked up to him meowing.

Mr. Cat Hater took her in, warmed food in the microwave, bathed her (she was covered with an oily substance) and called the vet since she looked awful and was coughing.

Three years later we still have that kitty and who does she love the best? The fraudulent Cat Hater ...


----------



## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

silentghost said:


> OP......put your foot down and don't bother getting any animals. YOu are really not all the interested and your marriage will become strained if an animals sets a foot in your house. YOu have allergies on top of it, while I don't have any allergy problems, my husband and my daughters do, and I know how it can be miserable for them.
> Don't give an inch to your wife.....she'll get over it.


Don't give an inch huh....I hope the OP's wife isn't on another site getting the same advice.

She'll get over it? Not if he uses that attitude.

Marriage is about compromise. There are pets that don't cause allergies, there are other compromises....house sitting a friends pet to see how much work it actually is, fostering, etc.


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Perhaps your wife could figure out a way to get her fill of animal loving in another way that does not involve bringing them home. I do this. I am one of those crazy people that would fill my house up with animals if it were only my decision. I respect that my H is not as fond of animals as I am and agreed not to bring any more animals into the house beyond the two cats that were mine before we married. 

So I volunteer at the local animal shelter every so often. I will admit that its sooo hard not to bring them home but I would not do that without my husbands consent. However the kids and I spend time at the shelter helping out with the animals and its a nice way to fulfill that interest while also keeping H happy.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Instead of pets, how about a baby? LOL

I like cats, as does my wife, but I'm allergic. Neither of us want a dog. We've decided no more pets for us, and it is very freeing to not have the responsibilities of kids or pets any more. I also think that if you have problems in the relationship, adding pets (or kids for that matter) can take the focus away from working on the relationship problems.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Get a dog. You NEED a dog. You just don't know it yet. They're Man's Best Friend. You want to navigate life without your best friend? You might have a son someday. You're going to make a boy grow up without a dog? That'd be inhumane.


Ummm... I have two sons and a daughter. Were it not for the doctor's note for my husband to have a companion pet, we wouldn't even have our dog. So, yea, we'd let our kids grow up without a dog. The apartment complex we live in does not allow pets unless there is a doctor's note. As SB said, it's more inhumane to have a pet that is unwanted, or that no one will care for.


----------

