# Voyeurism & Exhibitionism desires



## wildside (Aug 23, 2011)

First post here, and just a warning it will probably be on the longer side. 

Both my wife and I are 24 years old. We have been married for 2 years, and together for over five years. Our sex life has been good and regular. We usually have sex 1-3 times a week, and I'm very happy with that. 

In the beginning of our relationship, due to circumstances like not having our own places we would have sex in totally random places (some public places). Since we've been married though we have become far less adventurous in terms of where we have sex. We still try new things in the bedroom every so often, but they are usually initiated by me. As of late my wife has fallen into a comfortable routine for sex. A few times a week, a few different positions, nothing too exciting.

I have asked her many times what her fantasies were, and she would respond either "I don't have any" or "I don't know". I asked her what she thinks about when she masturbates or I go down on her, and her response was "you". Now, I find that very flattering, but I find it hard to believe that her only fantasy is just me having regular missionary style sex with her. When it came to my fantasies, I talked about having a fantasy of exhibitionism. But moreso than what we've done in the past. I'm interested in having people watch us have sex, and then we watch them, with absolutely no physical interaction. I suggested we could facilitate this by posting an ad on craigslist or by going to a local swingers club. 

My wife didn't really like the idea. She thought the logistics of it, plus the fear of running across someone we know would really confuse things. Furthermore she is worried that if we are in the same room as other people that things may escalate beyond our comfort zones. I understand her fear and I assured her that it wouldn't happen, however she still declined. We have talked about some compromises like sharing pics of ourselves with couples we meet online, but this doesn't seem that fun to me. I was wondering if anyone else has done this, how you approached it, and how things turned out. Thanks, and sorry for the long post.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

wildside said:


> I'm interested in having people watch us have sex, and then we watch them, with absolutely no physical interaction.
> 
> My wife didn't really like the idea.
> 
> ...


First, are you asking if anyone has done picture sharing or having sex with others in the room?

Second, gauging by what I have quoted from your post, the issue you may be missing is that marriage is about compromise, respect, and trust. It's great you've shared this fantasy with your wife, but if it is too far out of her comfort zone then you should respect that. The fact that the compromise spoken of (picture sharing) doesn't seem that fun to you isn't really important. What is important is your wife is willing to try and accommodate you. This should please you and you should respect her boundaries.

I'd recommend using the compromise; you may find it more entertaining than you think. Or, perhaps you can video chat with other couples you meet on the internet. That way they would be seeing you live (and you them), but there is still a barrier that would mitigate your wife's fears.

That seems a respectful compromise. Who knows, over time she may decide she's ok with moving things into a hotel room with an audience. But, that should be up to her without you pressuring her.

If you pressure her, even if she does this now, it will lead to resentment. Not because she did it, but because she did it for you, yet you weren't willing to respect her boundaries and comfort zones. Think about that before pushing too hard.


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## wildside (Aug 23, 2011)

I totally get compromise. I am absolutely willing to do that, and have told her that I would be willing to just trade pictures etc. My wife and I have a very equal relationship. I respect her, and vice versa. I think the issue with my proposition for her is that it would be going from 0 to 60 in 1 second. I think her fear is the fear of the unknown. As I said, she's worried that things might escalate, or that we might bump into someone we know, etc etc.

I have thought about it more and I think that trading pictures etc could be fun since this is something she will be willingly participating in. I definitely wouldn't enjoy an experience like exhibitionism if I knew she was uncomfortable or not having a good time. So we will try the picture route now, and if over time opinions change or there is a desire to be more adventurous then we will talk about it. Thanks for the input.


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## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

I think your wife's fears are justified. There's no way for you to assure her that her fears won't come to pass, since it's not within your control. Also, consider that photo sharing might actually be more dangerous than live exhbitionism, since you don't know where those pictures could end up.


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## wildside (Aug 23, 2011)

A legitimate concern misslayla, so we are being sure not to incorporate our faces into the photos, and obvious identifying features of our home. It seems like this could be fun because she is excited.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Good Wildside! What might make it "hotter" for her is if there are identifiers so you know the other couple is taking their pictures while viewing yours and vice versa. You can think up some pseudonyms and use those so the other couple can incorporate your names in what they do; and then you two can do likewise. Also, if you find a couple from far across the country that you trust, and I use that term loosely when talking about the internet, then you can introduce webcamming with them. Perhaps take turns; they sit, fully clothed, on a couch and have to watch you and your wife. The next session it would be your and your wife's turn to sit and watch.

Point is, there is a lot of creativity that can be incorporated to keep it interesting and exciting for both of you, without venturing into those areas that she finds uncomfortable.

Have fun!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Wild:

I would keep your fantasy a fantasy. You are playing with fire by posting on Craigslist or going to a swingers' club. There are lots of other ways to spice up your sex life that will not endanger your wife's love for you.

Try watching porn together. If you are in to props, try light bondage or costumes. It would be a deal breaker for me to have my husband want to share our sex lives with others. 

Talk to your wife, and brainstorm compromises that are acceptable to both of you.


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## wildside (Aug 23, 2011)

piqued, I have to say that I really like your ideas. My wife and I are definitely going to ease into this, but it seems like this is going to be a good compromise for us. As I'm exploring this it definitely seems more fun than when she initially proposed the idea. I think she is right about the logistics of going to a swing club or something. The risks are far too high. Some harmless internet fun couldn't hurt. 

Lovesherman- we have tried some different things like that in the past and may bring those back into the equation. Right now the picture sharing seems to be something we both like and can enjoy


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

...you might consider webcam conferencing...anonomous and not in same room...lots of sites on the web for that...


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

with time we become reserved.nothing like children to modify that sense of adventure we had at the begining of a relationship. I have no idea how to regain the wonder of it all.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Lousy advice I think apart from Miss Layla. Sex should be only between the man and wife. Third parties and such is a kind of adultery so is pornography. I would respect your wife's wishes. I kinda like a bit of exhibitionism but only to my wife. I've done a couple of small films of me on my camera and she seemed to like them. There are things that I like to do in front of her which she will watch. My favourite is in pretending to MB (I would never do it alone) and leaving the door slightly ajar so she catches me. It's her eyes which are the switch on and she knows I like it. I pretend I don't notice her and she knows that. It's a kind of a game. But third parties? Never. That is dangerous to our happy marriage.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Personally, I have always believed that Good, Game, and Giving does not _require_ a partner to include outside parties into their sexual relationship, in any way. Picture sharing, camming, threesomes, hot-wifing - those are lines in the sand that one partner gets to draw and the other has to respect them. 

I don't think that this is something requiring compromise by your wife if she is not interested. This is a difference of kind, not of degree, compared to adding a new sexual position, using toys, or even BDSM. This is bringing outside parties into your sex life. Spouses should have the right to say "not this".


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

As you're well aware of I'm sure - any pic or video one shares on the internet is out there forever, so to speak. 

One certainly can't say the pics won't be shared around the net, as once in the hands of another there's no telling where the pics or videos will appear.

It sounds like you asked your W, she said no, but you're still interested and want to rationalize trying some form of it.

And the wanting to explore different things, no worries there, however it does appear W doesn't want to explore that particular desire. 

So continue to explore, absolutely, just not that direction. If you pressure your W until she says yes, it won't be a real yes. But it may cause the relationship some trouble long run.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Zombie thread.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Zombie thread. Closed


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