# in love with domestic Violence Affected girl



## ATKH (Nov 11, 2013)

Hello All,
This is the first time I am writing on this website so I didn’t know where to post, I am sorry if I have posted it in a wrong section.
I need some advice and guidance from folks on this website, I would appreciate genuine advice from everybody here. Thanks in advance and sorry for the long description.

There is a girl who I am in love with and she also loves me. She is a divorcee and so am I. She has been through a very rough marriage with lots of domestic violence where husband used to beat her up for just talking to old friend and for minute reasons;

she tolerated all the domestic violence for 3 years but that took a toll on her mental health. She went into emotional stress and depression where she turned violent, broke contacts with everybody and all her anger for her husband came out. She did divorce him against his wishes. She went to the hospital for physiatrist treatment. This was all before we met.

She was not in love with her husband, it was a kind of forced marriage. She did get married due to family pressure but from her heart she never accepted her marriage and never compromised on any physical relations. She never tried to have any physical relations with her husband, and that was also one the reasons why her husband used to beat her up and tried to force himself on her but she never let him have any physical relations with her. She always believed and still believes that one should only have physical relations with the person you love. This was the way she showed her discontent towards her family pressure.

After we met and talked, for some reason I fell in love with her due to all her qualities. She also fell in love with me. Even though I knew she is going thru physiatric treatment and she might not be stable, I still fell for her and at current stage, I can’t live without her.

She is currently on Medications ABILIFY and DAIZEPAM. This is to calm her down, she needs to take this every day. She is very normal every other way.

I want to get married to her and I want advice from you guys that would there be any problem in our relationship due to her medications and her mental health? can she completely recover from these medications in time when I give her the love and respect that she deserves? Will there be a problem in having babies?

Has anybody gone thru anything similar in life? Any tips and advice on coping with this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
ATKH


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Have you ever been to therapy? What baggage do you have?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

When I met my SO, I was 18 months out of an abusive relationship. I received abuse counseling, but refused any meds to deal with my PTSD.

You say your GF is seeing a psychiatrist and is taking Ablilify and Diazepam. Whilst she would undoubtedly have been traumatized during her abusive relationship, this doesn't usually warrant psychiatric treatment or the use of a drug like Abilify. Abilify is an anti-psychotic used to treat depression, but it is also used to treat Bipolar and Schizophrenia.

I'm not saying that either of these disorders should necessarily rule her out as relationship material, but I am saying that you need to know exactly what you're dealing with.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What culture are you from?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Eh. This is a lot to take. Your comment about "I can' tlive without her" sounds really co-dependent.

Has she gotten therapy for what happened to her? Do you see any looming issues in your relationship with he? Do you love eachother, respect eachother, communicate well? 

Abilify terrifies me. I used to take a psychopharm class with a chick who was on them (irony!) and she said the side effects were weird.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> You say your GF is seeing a psychiatrist and is taking Ablilify and Diazepam. *Whilst she would undoubtedly have been traumatized during her abusive relationship, this doesn't usually warrant psychiatric treatment or the use of a drug like Abilify. ** Abilify is an anti-psychotic* used to treat depression, but it is also used to treat Bipolar and Schizophrenia.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

This is something you might want to ask yourself. Is your strong attraction to her a result of her issues? In other words, do you view yourself as someone who can fix or save her?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SaltInWound said:


> This is something you might want to ask yourself. Is your strong attraction to her a result of her issues? In other words, do you view yourself as someone who can fix or save her?


This. How old are the two of you? And what's your relationship history like?

Look up "Knight In Shining Armor" syndrome. 

C


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

I have to say that sometimes a person who goes through domestic abuse never truly feels healed. As a person who had to experience abuse by the hand of her own family, even to this day I am affected. It isn't anywhere as bad as it was in the past but it really alters your views on marriage, family, spending time with loved ones, etc. There are certain times of the year where I even avoid social contact because of it and I often don't realize what I am doing. 

That said, people who've lived through domestic violence aren't broken to fix. We have to work on ourselves. I am still working on myself. Granted, I've only had control of my life a few years after I became a legal adult so the damage done for decades won't be undone in a handful of years. 

I have also been to therapy quite a bit and it has been mentioned to me that I should go again. I'll have to see if that is a viable option at the moment. Going to therapy has to be self-motivated and it has to be done by the person so they're the ones in charge of their lives. My husband married me fully knowing what my circumstances were but he never was the one who pressure me to go to therapy or do anything I wasn't ready for. That is something you need to look at too-- is your gf ready for that? If she's not, will you be patient with her? Those are pretty important things to consider.


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