# My judgement is off



## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

It's been a long time since I posted here. I thought we'd be divorced by now. The story so far:
The marriage started to fall apart when we bought a house in the outer western suburbs. He is a chameleon who likes so much to fit in that he changes to become one of them. Living in the burbs, he became a beer drinking yobbo and our relationship began to strain as I fought against this change in him. After trying everything (talking, counselling, living with it etc) I could no long stand it. I moved out. Even though I loved him, I felt completely lonely in the relationship. I would say to him "I'm not happy in this relationship" and he would say "I don't have a problem. You're the one with the problem. Go fix it yourself". 
I moved in to a 1 bedroom apartment. We sold the house and he found an apartment near to mine. He wanted to reconcile. Eventually (after much pushing from me) he booked us in to counselling. We attended for a long time but were getting nowhere. He would make all the right noises and said he understood, but he never acted on anything. I was constantly disappointed.
6 months ago we had a tragic death in my family, and it destroyed me. Broke my heart and spirit. He was initially quite unsupportive (he doesn't seem to know how to be emotionally supportive). I was miserable after it happened and was put on antidepressants because I wasn't coping. Our 'relationship', for what it was, went on the back burner for me.
Then in December I found a lump in my breast. I told him about it. Then he decided he wanted a divorce. I agreed. 3 days later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had surgery straight away. He must have felt guilty, as he was really quite supportive while I was recovering from the surgery, texting or calling each day, helping me out with shopping or something. Then just after I start chemo, he fell off my radar.
A few weeks ago he got drunk and told me that he had started a relationship with someone, but that it was over. She wasn't me. He wanted me back. If I told him I wanted him back, he'd be there in a flash. 
In the meantime, he has become alcoholic and has moved in above a smokey bar and is surrounded by unattached people living the bar lifestyle. He is truly messed up now. 
And I'm extremely vulnerable. I have been crying over him. My heart is broken again. Everyone tells me that if he couldn't support me through my cancer, what am I thinking including him in my life after everything that's happened. My judgement is completely off. I don't know what I want but I feel so lonely and when he's around he fills that space. I'm completely lost. I told him that I have radiation for the next 6 weeks and he should get himself in order over that time by curbing his drinking and he is booked in to see a psychologist. 
I wish I knew if we could work out. People tell me to move on and forget about him, but I don't think that our relationship was given the chance to reach its full potential. It crashed and burned too soon. We used to be the poster couple. People bragged about what a great couple we were together. 
I've said all during this that love isn't enough. I don't know if we'll make it (even my GP says he is a completely messed up person and I should move on). I think I'm stuck because I'm vulnerable and having breast cancer has really shaken me up. I'm so lost...


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