# Getting through infidelity and Hubby still distant



## The lost one (Dec 10, 2008)

Hi ..

I need some help.. i recently found out my husband was having a affair with a married woman whom he met at the station. The affair was on for about 3 months untill I found out. I have 3 children and he has asked for another chance. He said he has stopped everything with her and only had the affair because he could talk to her. I have loved thsi man for 17 years and for children I want to give him another chance. 

We went counselling and he is trying but he said he is angry with our marriage and thats why he had the affair. On my part, I was doing everything right and was there for him emotionally and phsycially. 

He still says he wants his space when I ask him for reassurance and his attention. 

I dont understand him anymore. He is still phscically distant from me and says it is all about sex for me. 

All I want is his love. M I blind. Is this the end of the road for me. I am confused. If anyone has been through something like this then please help ..


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## KarenPohlman (Dec 9, 2008)

It sounds painful. If he needs space I would give him space. It sounds like he needs to learn to deal with his feelings differently. In regards to you, it sounds like you need to come up with some boundaries to protect yourself. Like, if he chooses to do this again then you are going to move out. He is putting your health in danger by sleeping with another woman. I would put your energy into working on you during this time. If he needs space, give it to him and work on you. Try a book called Co-Dependant No More. Its a good read. Very helpful. Many blessing to you.


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## The lost one (Dec 10, 2008)

Dear karen

Thank you for your reply. I am going through a emotional roller coaster n hoping things will get right however you are right. I am always wanting to be with him and in these years have forgotten my own happiness and identity. 
I will surely get the book and try and do things on my own. I feel he is pushing me away in this process. He is not even telling me honestly that he doesnt want to be with me. Kids are involved and I am so confused..


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Take a moment to understand and see his point of view. By no means am I supporting what he has done, but there has to be some internal guilt that he is dealing with.
His ego is probably hurt. Are you working through the affair in a good way? Meaning - are you talking about it. Why it happened, how he felt, what he was missing, etc?


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## The lost one (Dec 10, 2008)

Thank you .. Yes I did ask him and he said that when he tried to talk to me , then we would fight. To ignore fights, he turned to someone else. I had problems with him as well but did not go to another man . If he tried then we could have met to a compromise . But man like excitement and now I have lost all trust


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It will take quite a bit of time to gain back the trust. 

As far as communications go I would start to talk to him regularly, and when he talks really listen. I think his issues may have come from the fact that you didn't get his "hints". By no means do I think he was justified in what he did.

As far as the sex is concerned, I would look at other physical aspects as well. Do you hug and kiss before a person leaves, do you cuddle together? Do you hold hands when you are out? I would slowly start to add those if they are missing.

Again I am not saying what he did was right, but even in your case you were not perfect. Neither was I when my first wife cheated on me. I found out that although I hear what she was saying I ignored her pleas thinking all the while that the problems where solved.

draconis


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