# Jealous and resentful



## hopelessromantic (May 12, 2011)

I am now in my third marriage and seem to be making the same mistakes.I need to change me and don't know how.I think most of my problems stem from my first marriage. My first wife of 17 years cheated on me repeatedly and I tried and tried to forgive but the same thing kept happening. Now I find myself not believing or trusting a woman that I have absolutely any reason to not to trust and I find myself being super jealous of her past to the point I have even started fights with her ex boyfriends. My wife now did have more sex partners in her past than I would like but we were not even together so I do understand but it stays in my mind constantly..I know I am being in-mature but I honestly don't know how to over come these feelings.Any advise would be appreciated before I ruin a perfectly good marriage.:scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she hasn't given you any reason to not trust her, then you need to let it go because the jealousy and resentfulness IS going to destroy your marriage. You can bet on it.


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## hopelessromantic (May 12, 2011)

I have said in my mind a thousand times to just let it go but it keeps popping up in my head and then I say or do something stupid..I really eant to change but I slip...How can I become stronger before its too late?


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot (Apr 7, 2011)

hopelessromantic said:


> I am now in my third marriage and seem to be making the same mistakes.I need to change me and don't know how.I think most of my problems stem from my first marriage. My first wife of 17 years cheated on me repeatedly and I tried and tried to forgive but the same thing kept happening. Now I find myself not believing or trusting a woman that I have absolutely any reason to not to trust and I find myself being super jealous of her past to the point I have even started fights with her ex boyfriends. My wife now did have more sex partners in her past than I would like but we were not even together so I do understand but it stays in my mind constantly..I know I am being in-mature but I honestly don't know how to over come these feelings.Any advise would be appreciated before I ruin a perfectly good marriage.:scratchhead:


Hi,

A very common problem, trust me. I was exactly the same as you so I can totally relate. For me the solution was meditation + the Marriage Fitness program which enabled me to view love and relationships in a totally different light. I would advise you to sign up for the free e-mail series and see if you like it. I was always jealous/insecure and once I was able to redefine my understanding of the word 'love' then it was really a life changing experience and my marriage is extremely strong now. That was what worked for me anyway. Good luck and I hope you can find the solution for you as well 

Take care.


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## tjlee (May 19, 2011)

Ser Pounce-A-Lot said:


> Hi,
> 
> A very common problem, trust me. I was exactly the same as you so I can totally relate. For me the solution was meditation + the Marriage Fitness program which enabled me to view love and relationships in a totally different light. I would advise you to sign up for the free e-mail series and see if you like it. I was always jealous/insecure and once I was able to redefine my understanding of the word 'love' then it was really a life changing experience and my marriage is extremely strong now. That was what worked for me anyway. Good luck and I hope you can find the solution for you as well
> 
> Take care.


Where can you get this free email series? I need it too.

T


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You were deeply hurt by your 1st cheating wife. Perhaps you feel by not trusting, and being on your guard you can stop the hurt that may come to you by your current wife. You have to prevent any potential hurt before it happens, although it may never happen.

So you keep your guard up, your eyes and ears open to catch "it" (whatever it may be) before it has a way to cause hurt.

Counseling may help, worth a try.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Could it be that you don't feel worthy of love? That would explain why you kept forgiving #1, maybe not so much because you're a big hearted guy but because you felt unworthy of commanding respect; maybe felt like having a cheater was better than having nothing. Now, you have a new partner and apparently a decent one, but you still fear abandonment and view every other guy as a threat. Are they better than you? If your new wife were exposed to them, she'd naturally leave you? You have to threaten ex boyfriends because you see them as a challenge and a threat? I think you have some pretty deep abandonment issues and they apparently existed before wife#1. She took advantage of that weakness and only made it worse. A counselor or a psychiatrist could probably help you out. This stuff was probably put in your head when you were very very young. You might sit your wife down and tell her about your early childhood. It might help her understand why you are the way you are. Once you figure out the "why", it'd be easier to change course. Go to WalMart and notice the couples walking around. You'll see the attractive, the ugly, the well off, the poor, thin, obese, the disfigured, etc, etc. They all found someone to love and respect them just the way they were. You don't deserve love any less than they do. You have to love yourself before you can really love someone else.


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot (Apr 7, 2011)

tjlee said:


> Where can you get this free email series? I need it too.
> 
> T


Hi TJLee,

You should find it here -> Marriage and Trust

Hope it works for you! 

Take care.


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