# Does cheating include wife with girlfriends



## Dubda (Apr 18, 2020)

I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Of course it’s cheating!


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

yes, cheated
points for WW confessing


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Definitely cheating, as it involved sexual activity with someone other than you, and you did not pre-approve it. The question now is, what are you going to do about it?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Without a doubt it's cheating.
Ask her if she would have thought it was cheating if you got some on the business trip?
Probably the only reason she admitted was concern that someone would blab.
Question is, what is your response going to be?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Of course it is.

She’s hoping you don’t think so because that way it can very likely happen again.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Sex outside of the marriage, definite cheating.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Getting sex from another other than your spouse while married. Is of course cheating. Ask you wife if a gay trio while away and coming back to tell her, isn't sex just doing boy stuff? WRONG!! agree with the other poster it was somehow going to come out.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

She acted like a single woman. Her behavior was very selfish and disrespectful to you. 

The issue is not semantics and definitions. The only thing that is relevant is how you feel about it.

In order for her to take you seriously, you need to be angry and she needs to believe that you will divorce her rather than tolerate a repeat. 

In addition, there must be consequences for her disrespectful and selfish behavior. For example, zero contact with those women (they are not a friend of your marriage nor are they are positive influence on your wife). Zero contact must be non negotiable. 

Anything less and she will repeat (probably after you have kids and are stuck with her).


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## Dubda (Apr 18, 2020)

Thanks for the reply. Got clarity on this question.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Your real problem is going to be in knowing *if she truly understands and believes* that what she did was wrong, disrespectful, hurtful and damaging to your relationship. She may agree to everything you say but in her mind, she may not see anything majorly wrong in what she did and in which case, she would do it again when it was safe to do so.

I do not believe that she believes that what she did was that wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dubda said:


> Thanks for the reply. Got clarity on this question.





Dubda said:


> Thanks for the reply. Got clarity on this question.


So my question to you is....

Didn't you realize how deranged she was before marrying her?

Do you know how warped you have to be to do what she did in the first place and then just bring it up in conversation?

I would expect people like her to have been in some kind of extended care facility before reaching adulthood.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Interesting that she invited old friends to visit while you were gone! Wonder how long ago their party started?

Did you know she was bisexual?

I agree with @manfromlamancha.....


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

pretty soon, one or two of those women are going to accuse your wife of leading them on. Nothing comes for free.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

This whole situation generates so many questions:
The first has already been asked:
1. Did you know she was bi?
2. Was this "Planned", either by your wife or the group as a whole. I'm guessing this is on your wife, thus the reason to get out ahead of it and minimize it.
3. Has the group participated in such an activity prior?
4 .Did she freely volunteer this information or did you suspect something upon return?
5. If she gave this up freely, why? I'm guessing one of the participants was having second thoughts, so she felt she needed to get out ahead of it.
6. Are these "Friends" married or single?
7. Have the other husbands been informed?

I wish you the best. Whatever you do, don't give in and rug sweep it.
Betrayal is betrayal, regardless of gender.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Of course it's cheating. She's married to you, and had sex with someone other than you.

Would you be asking this if it had been a group of old male friends? Of course you wouldn't, you'd be furious.


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## Baldy (Jul 18, 2019)

Dubda said:


> I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


it was cheating. Also, how do you know it was only with her girl friends and no men were involved?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Not supposed to do this, but I honestly have to question this. I can only assume that you and your wife are in the lifestyle if this happened. I have had female friends that have had bisexual experiences with a close female friend when both are drunk. But a full-on orgy? With that said even if you are in the lifestyle I'd agree with the others that say its cheating if thats something that you aren't ok with.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Baldy said:


> it was cheating. Also, how do you know it was only with her girl friends and no men were involved?


Not only that....But the “marriage” goal posts were just moved without his knowledge. Next time it WILL be men and more deception. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 00buck (Jun 2, 2016)

All girl orgy??

I’m pretty sure that only happens in porn....

Cheating none the less. 


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Dubda said:


> I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


I do not know your values.
You seem sort of wishy washy on this. 
It would be absolutely, 100% a marriage ending deal for me. 
I'd not even be able to look at her again and the divorce wouldn't come fast enough.
For all those ****, swingers out there I suppose it could pass if you already had an open marriage with rules and guidelines that stuff like this was allowed.
If you are a monogamous person like many of us how on Earth is it not cheating? It is sexual intercourse with other people.
"Technically" it was?
Wow, you sound really, really, really weak with your inferred response. 
I wouldn't even be sucked in to some stupid, idiotic debate like that. I would have already met a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings. 
You sound wimpy and you are probably going to stay with her and act like she has to "agree" with you that it is cheating and if she doesn't you'll just roll over. You sound like you are staying with the porn star. s


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> I do not know your values.
> You seem sort of wishy washy on this.
> It would be absolutely, 100% a marriage ending deal for me.
> I'd not even be able to look at her again and the divorce wouldn't come fast enough.
> ...


Oh. The best post of this thread so far! 

It's like you are waiting for her to assess your "philosophy" on cheating while hoping that you'll put up with that crappy behaviour. 

You must be wondering if you have every really known your wife until now...


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## st5555 (Dec 7, 2019)

How would your wife react if she went away for a few days and you had a 3-way orgey with two other men? If she'd be fine with it, then I guess it's time to redefine the boundaries of your marriage and I hope you share the same values.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Who has friends like this? What sort of people do this?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Ask her if it would be ok it you met up with an old girlfriend and had sex with her? Same thing, sex outside of marriage without your partner’s consent is cheating


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Ask her if it would be ok if you met up with 3 old girlfriends at the same time and had sex with them? 

Definitely not cheating, right? LOL


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Is it cheating? It depends on your boundaries and what is important in your relationship. You get to decide if you feel it is cheating or not. She doesn't, but then again you might still love her and be willing to overlook this.......or not.



> *Is it considered cheating, if my wife had an all-girl orgy while I was away?*


Maybe you should forgive her. Maybe you should tell yourself it wasn't cheating. If you can do that, then you can sit down with your W and tell her that you feel you can't trust her when you go out of town and talk to her about how important trust is in a marriage. 

I'll bet you have told your wife that if she every has sex with another man, your marriage is over. Have you ever told her in the past that having sex with another woman would also end your marriage? Or did you just assume that. In short have you and your wife established boundaries on appropriate behavior?

It would be truly amazing if this was your wife's first woman/woman sexual encounter. If so did you know about her having sex with women prior to your marring her? Did she tell you after marriage? Has she been hiding part of her sexuality from you? 

If she has been hiding part of her sexuality from you, you need to be grateful and thank her for being brave enough to finally let you know this part of her sex life. My suggestion is to find out if this was a one time thing or it is something she is interested in doing again. Ask her why she did it while you were out of town? Ask her if she and her girlfriends practiced safe sex or if the tow of you should get tested for STD's? Yes, she could get an STD and pass it along to you.

If you feel you can no longer trust her, then end your marriage. If you still have feelings for her and want to try to reconcile, you two need to have a very lengthy discussion and set some boundaries and rules for your marriage. Probably a good sex therapist or marriage counselor should help guide the two of you through your discussions.

Good luck. You can either look at this as something bad or as a wake-up call to improve a relationship that was failing.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Is it cheating if a gf or fiance ( not a W) has a three way with two other women and tells the bf they're coming back in town tomorrow and will he join in, because she'd like to do this one time with him, before they get married, she's always wanted to do, but knows it's not a thing to do she or him, after they've married. 

Will the bf join, or turn her down in the four-way?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

If this is real, then you should treat it like any affair, expose all of the OW, get STD testing microbes don't care about gender, and get a polygraph.

It's pretty horrible if your WW gets to have sex with other women and you have to remain loyal to her, I would likely divorce as I would have no desire to even up the score. 

I've known guys who were dating women like that, one guy had a live in girlfriend for his GF to have sex with, his GF allowed him to have sex with her GF on his birthday only.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dubda said:


> I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


There is no technically about it. It was 100% cheating.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*MODERATOR WARNING *Folks, if you do not think a post is genuine, you use the Report function. You do not call someone out as a troll. Such posts will be deleted and other action may be considered if thought appropriate.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

No way it was only women. 

OP talk to the husbands of the other women involved. You may get a different story.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Dubda said:


> I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


She had sex with someone else besides you....it is cheating.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ArthurGPym said:


> No way it was only women.
> 
> OP talk to the husbands of the other women involved. You may get a different story.


This....talk to any other SOs. If she is balking that it is not cheating...get several girls to climb in bed with you and if she says anything tell her they identify as a man so it does not qualify.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I find it hard to believe that ALL the women in her group of friends wanted an all girl orgy. Maybe one or two but all of them? Doesn't wash with me. 
More likely that they met a few guys as well.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s only considered cheating if she doesn’t invite them all over for another girl orgy and includes you…….

everyone knows the husband is supposed to get in on all girl orgies…..

dude, is this for real?


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## Lynnsnake (Dec 4, 2021)

Dubda said:


> I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


Any chance you could be allowed to watch?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Dubda said:


> I was on a business trip. My wife confessed that her old frinds were visiting from out of town and they all got drunk and had an all girl orgy. My wife says that is not cheating. I say technically it was. Like to get other opinions, if that was cheating or not.


I am kinda surprised that the mods allowed this to be necroed, but hey, I guess it's better than starting over again.

This is honestly up to you if this is cheating or not. It is certainly adultery, but again, it is up to you as to whether or not that is a negative to you. For my spouses and I, it is only cheating if you are doing something behind the back of the others, not informing them, or on the rare occasion of spur of the moment, you don't come clean about it on the first possible occasion. Unless she told you as soon as you returned, in our book this would be cheating because she held onto the secret for however long.


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## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

It’s not cheating only if I am part of the fun … LOL


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

This is ****ing stupid.

If this is serious:
1. Of course it’s cheating. 
Maybe you’re not upset about it, if it was just with other women, but it is still cheating.

2. If you believe her at face value that it was only a group of women, you’re an idiot. I guess it’s theoretically possible, but so ridiculously unlikely that I’d wager a lot of money there were penises involved.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Yes, of course this would be considered cheating. But her story is very unlikely. Like @Diana7 said, it is unlikely that a group of women were all down for all girl action. 1 or 2 maybe but a group? Come on. That’s why @DudeInProgress is most likely right that there were men (plural) involved. Your wife said it was only men to get you to lower your defenses. The only reason she told you was because she was to preempt any exposure.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cheating is cheating. Doesn't matter who the other person was


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

The event is as egregious now as it was in 2020.
It is now almost 2022.
The real question is what did the OP do about it?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Tdbo said:


> The event is as egregious now as it was in 2020.
> It is now almost 2022.
> The real question is what did the OP do about it?


Absolutely nothing.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Tdbo said:


> The event is as egregious now as it was in 2020.
> It is now almost 2022.
> *The real question is what did the OP do about it?*


He came back and asked a second time to see if he gets the answer he wants.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Always Learning said:


> He came back and asked a second time to see if he gets the answer he wants.


Correct! 
He can't handle the truth.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Seems pretty hypocritical to say that if your wife has sex with other women it's wrong, but if you can be there it's not. 
If it's wrong it's wrong period.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

My My you have an 18 year old’s hyper sexualized imagination lol.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Tdbo said:


> Correct!
> He can't handle the truth.


Thank you Col Jessup.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> Thank you Col Jessup.


You are welcome, Biff.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Tdbo said:


> You are welcome, Biff.


OK so I made a reference to the Colonel in A Few Good Men, who shouted out "You can't handle the truth". What is the Biff reference? Also, please keep in mind that it was intended to be tongue in cheek.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> OK so I made a reference to the Colonel in A Few Good Men, who shouted out "You can't handle the truth". What is the Biff reference? Also, please keep in mind that it was intended to be tongue in cheek.


It's all tongue in cheek.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Sorry, but I don't get the Biff reference either, can you explain?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Tdbo said:


> It's all tongue in cheek.





Always Learning said:


> Sorry, but I don't get the Biff reference either, can you explain?


Yeah, I figured that yours was in the same vein (i clarified it just in case, as it wouldn't have been the first time someone misunderstood) I just couldn't make the connection of what you were referring to.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Dubda,

I think you need to answer some of the questions asked by the posters, I sense that you may feel responsible somehow for your WWs cheating. Perhaps you were into swinging with her or consented to a single sided open marriage etc, in any event context is important.

Personally the girl girl sex would bother me more than cheating with a man, because sex with girls is what I've denied myself as a married man.

I would also bet it was a mixed orgy, but the large number of sexual partners she had puts you at risk of STD regardless of their gender. 

Also is she still in contact with these "friends", they need to be purged from your marriage.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Do you guys think that occasionally we are the unknowing participants in some survey that a grad student is doing for his or her Master's thesis?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ArthurGPym said:


> Do you guys think that occasionally we are the unknowing participants in some survey that a grad student is doing for his or her Master's thesis?


I accept the fact that there are multitude of reasons as to why somebody comes here and asks a question and it isn't always because it is happening to them.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you do not have enough info to decide if it was cheating or not.

have her invite all those GFs back for another orgy, but this time while you are there. take copious notes.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Yes, of course this would be considered cheating. But her story is very unlikely. Like @Diana7 said, *it is unlikely that a group of women were all down for all girl action.* 1 or 2 maybe but a group? Come on. That’s why @DudeInProgress is most likely right that there were men (plural) involved. Your wife said it was only men to get you to lower your defenses. The only reason she told you was because she was to preempt any exposure.


That is NOT what they say on Pornhub!


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