# When it rains...



## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

When it rains it really pours.
Here is my story. I have been reading TAM, and some other forums for quite some time…just as most people here. I have been in what I thought was a good marriage, better than average. Almost 12 years married, but we go way back, before high school…on and off. Two wonderful kids, 5 & 7. A year ago (three days short) my XW gave me the usual talk, ILBNILWY, she was unhappy for the whole time…bla bla bla. You know how it goes. I begged, cried, lost 40 lb (never looked better). A week later I found out about OM, coworker, married too. False R couple of times, she moves out I file for divorce few months later and everything was done pretty quick. I lose my job due to downsizing, and was out of work for almost two months. She took half of my 401K, child support, left me with the house which is in a foreclosure now. Few days ago I got a letter from the bank that I must vacate the house by 4/11. Today I found out that I am going to lose this job too due to downsizing, and me being the new guy. 
So here I am…no money, closest family lives in Europe, gonna lose my house and job soon. I just do not know what to do. I have a couple of close friends who offered me to stay with them till I get back on my feet. So what am I looking for? I don’t know. Just venting I guess. Life sucks, for now. Reading some of the stories here makes me feel like I’m not alone, but hell, it feels like it. Makes me feel some of you have it worse than me…but again. I am not giving up, even though suicidal thoughts come every once in a while. Giving up is not an option. My boys and my family don’t deserve that. My boys have to learn from me not to give up, like their mother did. A year of IC helped I think. Even though I lost a lot in the last year I still keep my head high, my consciousness is clean, and I know there are people who love me and care about me. I can look at myself in the mirror and I like the man I am now. The divorce taught me a lot about life, people, relationships, friendships, love and life in general. Life will get better, probably not as good as it once was but I AM NOT GIVING UP!!! I still miss my kids, miss being part of the family…hell I even miss my ex-wife. And yes, to be honest I still dream about reconciliation. But her guilt is not allowing her to even talk to me :scratchhead:. I have forgiven her. Not worth it keeping it inside. 
There it is...feels better a bit.
Sorry about random rambling, I am not the best at expressing my self by writing.
Thanks for reading


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

God bless you, GB! Sorry to see you going through this personal hell of yours. But you have come to the right place here at TAM. 

You'll fastly remain in my prayers!


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> God bless you, GB! Sorry to see you going through this personal hell of yours. But you have come to the right place here at TAM.
> 
> You'll fastly remain in my prayers!


Thank you my friend. Hell? Now that would feel like a vacation after all this.
Somehow I feel I am conected to a lot of posters here even though I never ment any of you. It' weird...not having anyone to talk to and going through this all alone. But in the end I know I will come out better man. With a lot of scars.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Hey GB,
I know what you feel about relating with others here on TAM. And most of us have empathy for each other because we're livin' it and we understand why many of us feel the way we do, etc.
Your situation will get better as long as you work towards a goal and your refusal to give up is why you'll reach that goal.
Being an example to your kids is important too. You've forgiven your ex? Man, I'm trying!
I'm still trying to forgive my EX for leaving the kids and for giving practically zero effort to save the marriage.
I hope I can find that true forgiveness one day. For my sake!
Anyways, keep your chin up and keep forging ahead. There's so many stories of people who hit rock bottom, but come out of it stronger and a better/smarter person for it. And they're back on they're feet.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GettingBetter said:


> Thank you my friend. Hell? Now that would feel like a vacation after all this.
> Somehow I feel I am connected to a lot of posters here even though I never ment any of you. It' weird...not having anyone to talk to and going through this all alone. But in the end I know I will come out better man. With a lot of scars.


We all go through a little bit of that! Here I am knocking on a nearly 2 year old divorce, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and fastly praying that it ain't an oncoming freight train.

This place has absolutely hooked me up with a ton of absolutely great people who have bent over backwards to give me more than tangible advice ands to keep me from making some of the mistakes that they did; and occasionally, a swift kick to the backside just to get my attention!

In turn, I would only hope that I've paid my dues here by offering some tormented person that same advice along with a liberal tablespoon of human compassion and kindness.

And always keep a good attitude, GB! That will insure that you'll get through your situation even more quickly!


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Fortunately, the financial nightmare will distract you from the rest of it. Cold comfort I know. I went through a bankruptcy, foreclosure, unemployment and divorce over the past 18 mos. 

You sound really strong and like you keep your kids as the priority and I'm sure that helps get you through the bleak days. Start making lists and getting information and be armed for this next mess in front of you. Take your friends up on their charity. And just become a machine to solve these problems. 

I wish there was a little dance I could do to make this better for you. But you know that you're the only one that can do that. Good luck going foreword. And use us as a sounding board for feedback or a place to lean your weary head. 

This too will pass
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Sometimes we get a flat tire, to spare us the twelve car pile up a mile ahead.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

What's that saying....can't see the forest through the trees? Something like that.

Try to think of it as your slate being wiped clean to start completely fresh and new.

I truly believe when your life is completely turned upside down and everything you have known and taken for granted is swept away its for a reason and it is always for the better! I know its hard in this moment to even think let alone believe that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

If you still have half of the 401K can you take an early withdrawal to save the house then put it on the market? 

When I left the ex with the house he stopped paying without my knowing. 10 years later my credit is good and I own a house again. Keep looking way down the road to see where you WANT to be - you'll get there.


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## waroftheroses (Dec 30, 2011)

GB....
Stay strong fella...l was married 27 years...
Same as you...got the ilybnilwu bollocks....found out she was having a PA after she spent our savings on new boobs and teeth...
I divorced her in 2011....my 3 children were devastated..... but two years on....BEST thing l did...
There is light at the end of the tunnel.....and its not a train..


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

Thank you my friends. I cry when I read all your responses. Someone cares. I just don’t know where my strength comes from. Don’t even know if it is strength. Feels like just coasting along. Weird feelings. Feelings…??? Sometimes it feels the only feeling I got left is sadness. Sometimes I’m just numb. Sometimes I’m just fine. Guess I just described the rollercoaster. But pain is always there. Even when I’m laughing. It’s not the same any more. Everyone tells me how I used to be very happy…I was a joker…always ready to make everyone around me smile. That is gone now. It will come back, that much I know for sure. Even my ex tells me what a great guy I am. Funny, right? Does it feel good? I guess, in a way. 
I still catch myself sometimes trying to analyze her and her actions. Yes I know it’s futile and should not be giving her much space in my head. But, I am very analytical person. I need explanation for everything. Closure maybe. 
You see, I know she will never find a guy like me. She had everything…house, cars, vacations, expensive dresses, shoes…treated her family with respect…helping them when they needed it. In 12 years of marriage I only went out without her maybe dozed times. Didn’t drink, gamble, smoke, cheat, flirt, abuse…nothing. Yeah, we had a few arguments, but that would last for a day. Even when angry at each other we would go to bed together.
She was a great mom, wife, daughter in law, friend…Now? Well, all I can say she is still a good mother (didn’t say great this time). Two months after dumping the OM she is already onto the next guy. Some low life trucker…I don’t know, he might be a great guy. Why do I care? Don’t know. I’m still hurt. I still miss her…miss my family. But at least I know I’m taking the right steps towards healing .Yes, it’s a very long process, but in the end I will come out better, much better person. There are lots of women out there worthy of my love. I know I can offer a lot…when I’m ready. 
Do I need advice? Probably. Keep them coming. I know I need time, need to focus on myself and my kids, my future. But for now I’m gonna live in the now. Life is good. I’m just at the point where I need a little break from it. Just to get away from everything and come back fresh. But that is not how it works. No rest…gotta get through it. 
Thanks for reading my rambling…I feel better now.


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

GB....I know what you mean, within a week, I buried my father and my marriage. It does seem that misery loves company, but we do what we have to. There are some days where the only thing I can do is put one foot infront of the other. But we will survive, we have no other option. Just keep your head up, and keep on keeping on. You will get through all of this, you will learn from all of these trouble, and it will make you a better person, for the next love. Good Luck.


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## reubsky (Mar 21, 2013)

karma will hit her, her life will be destroyed soon. do not be fool by still missing her


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Karma can also come back and get you if you spend too much time wishing for bad things for the ex. I just want it all to go away and I don't seem to be able to get it to go away


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