# From being refused, to the one refusing



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

My story - I have been married about 15 years to a LD husband. Sex when the kids were young was extremely infrequent (once every 1-2 years) with me initiating. When the kids were bigger, frequency improved to once every 6 to 8 months or so. Now, we are on to once every 3-4 months (after threats of me leaving him). I have waited it out long enough and just told H that I will no longer have sex with him anymore. I feel that is the only way I can cope in this marriage since I won't be waiting and feeling crushed when he simply gives me a pat on the head every night when we go to bed. I still have the desire to have sex, just no longer with him. 

Anyone on the same boat?


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Sure. Scan through the past threads. One of these threads pops up at least twice a week. Normally, the wife is the LD spouse and the husband is being refused. But HD wives aren't all that rare.

Most of the time, the HD spouse stops initiating to try to spur the LD spouse to recognize that sex has stopped, and thus begin initiating to maintain what little sex is occurring. That almost never works.

However, you seem to be withdrawing to try to protect yourself emotionally from the pain of being rejected. And that's understandable. When the person who is supposed to love you most in the world communicates that he has little to no desire for you sexually, it's crushing.

Since you have already gained some traction by threatening separation, perhaps you could leverage him to have his testosterone levels checked. A LD man often has low T levels. If so, a quick fix might be just around the corner.

The other possibility that has little to do with you is an affair. If he is focusing his sexual energy on another woman, there might be little left for you. And, while she is in the picture, nothing you do will have much affect. Ending the affair can significantly improve your marriage and sex life.

If his hormones are normal and there is no other woman, then the problem lies with the two of you. And that's the hard fix. Obviously, taking sex away is a reward for him, since he doesn't want it anyway. You could try MEM's thermostat method of refusing to meet one of his primary needs as long as he continues to ignore one of yours. This will probably bring the issue to a head and result in resolving the problem, or at least being in a marriage where you are no longer being taken advantage of.

Good luck.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pecanpie said:


> My story - I have been married about 15 years to a LD husband. Sex when the kids were young was extremely infrequent (once every 1-2 years) with me initiating. When the kids were bigger, frequency improved to once every 6 to 8 months or so. Now, we are on to once every 3-4 months (after threats of me leaving him). I have waited it out long enough and just told H that I will no longer have sex with him anymore. I feel that is the only way I can cope in this marriage since I won't be waiting and feeling crushed when he simply gives me a pat on the head every night when we go to bed. I still have the desire to have sex, just no longer with him.
> 
> Anyone on the same boat?


Has your husband had his testosterone checked? Is he gay? Is he passive aggressive? What does he think is wrong, if anything, with his lack of sex drive?

I could not stay in a marriage such as you describe. Life is far too short to be married to a man who can't or won't love you as a man should love his wife.

I suggest you just begin talking about divorce. Make plans for a new life that includes a man who would be happy to make love to you several times a week.


----------



## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

pecanpie said:


> My story - I have been married about 15 years to a LD husband. Sex when the kids were young was extremely infrequent (once every 1-2 years) with me initiating. When the kids were bigger, frequency improved to once every 6 to 8 months or so. Now, we are on to once every 3-4 months (after threats of me leaving him). I have waited it out long enough and just told H that I will no longer have sex with him anymore. I feel that is the only way I can cope in this marriage since I won't be waiting and feeling crushed when he simply gives me a pat on the head every night when we go to bed. I still have the desire to have sex, just no longer with him.
> 
> Anyone on the same boat?


Was there ever a time when your sex life was active? Just seeing was your H always like this or did this happen when the kids came etc? I dont know how you have lasted this long to be honest. Is he watching porn a lot and taking care of himself and leaving you high and dry? How does he respond when you communicate this with him? I am sure you will get some good feedback here as i was helped greatly by posters here. Yet this has gone on for a long time you might have to make a change at this point in being with him. Patting on the head??? Dont accept this you are a wife that needs attention not a pet. I wish you luck.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I guess if that works for you. He probably will not mind zero sex. For my part, I think that I would rather have sex twice a year than not at all.


----------



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I was a frustrated HD partner .I got upset about wife never initiating and I too decided I had had enough of being rejected. So I stopped initiating. Fast forward a year or two and I am now probably in the LD zone. It sucks. It's not worth it. Don't do it. It's better to be sexually frustrated rather than LD.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Constant rejection and lack of fulfilling sex absolutely made my drive drop.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

:iagree:


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> I guess if that works for you. He probably will not mind zero sex. For my part, I think that I would rather have sex twice a year than not at all.



Sex twice a year legitimizes the marriage in the non desiring spouse's eyes. 

I started rejecting my wife's advances for her desired frequency about 1x/month but excellent quality :rofl: and this made her furious. Imagine that.

I finally gave up altogether a while back and thermostated my way down to -273K. This was once I realized just how meaningless sex with her has become. Mutual Check Out.

Which, as long as the college tuition checks clear, suits me just fine. So, think of the meaning of sex twice a year before accepting it.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

so whats your plan?

do you love him still?

what do you love about him?

what is your definition of love?


time to make some hard decissions.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Thanks so much for your advice PHTlump! My husband went to test his testosterone levels as I threatened divorce a couple of months back. His levels are extremely low. However the doctor advised that having T treatment is not without risks (could get enlarged prostrate etc). I don't want him to go through T treatments if he is uncomfortable doing it. He says he will try very hard and initiate even when he has no drive just for the sake of our marriage. He has initiated twice since but I've told him to stop. I don't want you to think I am vengeful - but knowing that your husband has no desire for you and is only initiating out fear is a libido dampener. I am adamant this time to not let him think that so long as we have sex once every three months or more that he has fulfilled his role as a husband. I want it to be completely sexless so he knows it is a problem between us. Every time we argue he insists the marriage is not sexless.



PHTlump said:


> Sure. Scan through the past threads. One of these threads pops up at least twice a week. Normally, the wife is the LD spouse and the husband is being refused. But HD wives aren't all that rare.
> 
> Most of the time, the HD spouse stops initiating to try to spur the LD spouse to recognize that sex has stopped, and thus begin initiating to maintain what little sex is occurring. That almost never works.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Our sex life has never been active. We just celebrated our wedding anniversary with really romantic dinner but the marriage is so sexless that we don't even have sex on special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays anymore.



Eagle3 said:


> Was there ever a time when your sex life was active? Just seeing was your H always like this or did this happen when the kids came etc? I dont know how you have lasted this long to be honest. Is he watching porn a lot and taking care of himself and leaving you high and dry? How does he respond when you communicate this with him? I am sure you will get some good feedback here as i was helped greatly by posters here. Yet this has gone on for a long time you might have to make a change at this point in being with him. Patting on the head??? Dont accept this you are a wife that needs attention not a pet. I wish you luck.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> so whats your plan?
> 
> do you love him still?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_

Husband is a good husband (in other areas just not sex) and good father. I don't think divorce is what I am necessarily aiming for. But I am unhappy in the marriage primarily because of our sex life. The other aspects to our marriage are ok.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

pecanpie said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Husband is a good husband (in other areas just not sex) and good father. I don't think divorce is what I am necessarily aiming for. But I am unhappy in the marriage primarily because of our sex life. The other aspects to our marriage are ok.


then except it because most likely it is not going to change.

not having sex for an extended period of time and then throwing it in his face....see we haven't had sex in x amount of time will not matter to him.

do you know if hes masturbating to porn? 


I think it is a reasonable reason for divorce. but its your call. 15 yrs and hes always been this way. I would bet my house he is never going to change.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

We love our kids dearly and I think we both love each other in a caring/ non sexual way (like cousins or siblings). I don't consider myself a high drive woman (ok maybe I am higher drive than him but then he is not normal). Just like to connect sexually with him at least once a week (better twice a week if the mood and time allows like if we were vacationing). Yes, we have gone on vacations without the kids where he did not initiate at all. And some recent vacations where he only initiated once. You get the picture.

I would be happy even if it were once every fortnight. Any longer and I feel disconnected. He is every LD wife's dream (responsible, brings in the bacon, helps out when he is home, caring, affectionate in a pet like way). And no, he is not gay nor is he into porn (his T is so low he has no urge to look at porn). He is frequently tired and is snoring when I go to bed (another turn off for me). 

When he initiates sex, he does it without an erection so I know he is not turned on although he is initiating. It then turns me off and I don't want go on. He thankfully does not have any erectile disfunction or premature ejeculation problems.

H feels that we have a great marriage and is even surprised that I have considered leaving. He thinks I am being irrational and a hopeless romantic. That's what happens when you have a LD spouse because to them, all their needs are met and they just cannot understand. They don't even know how unhappy you are. They think they are good spouses. 

I know that withholding could potentially (actually most likely would) make our marriage go downhill but I also feel that I have to draw a line. I have told him that I am no longer willing to have sex with him for the rest of our marriage. I feel that I have finally arrived at a position where I mean and will do what I say (never have sex with him again). 

He needs to feel the rejection I have suffered for our entire marriage (ok that is a little vengeful) and to know what having absolutely no sex does to a marriage. I know it is not his fault entirely (he has very low T according to the doctor) but after hearing the risks that T treatment brings I am not sure if I want him to go through it either (after all I care for him like a brother/ cousin and don't want to put him at risk for prostrate cancer.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

just because he isn't hard when he starts things up does not necessarily mean he doesn't desire you.

maybe he feels your turned off by his non erect.........or unexcited well you know what I mean!

if he responds to your touch then your good to go!

I notice to say never have sex with him again? sorry to say sounds like your done.

if your daughter came to you 20 yrs from now and said she was in a similar situation what would you advice her to do?

just something to think about.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't want this thread to open an entire discussion about testosterone treatments (I think there is another thread on this topic already). But am interested to find out your story/ending for any of you who have gone from being the rejected to the one rejecting........ Are you happier? How do you deal with being stuck in such a marriage?


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> just because he isn't hard when he starts things up does not necessarily mean he doesn't desire you.
> 
> maybe he feels your turned off by his non erect.........or unexcited well you know what I mean!
> 
> ...


I really wouldn't wish this on my daughter. But my advice would be to stick it out because her husband is a good man and for the sake of the children. And deal with her frustrations with some self loving?


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Since taking on this stance (no more sex with H...possibly forever unless a miracle happens):-

-I feel so much happier and in control;

-I no longer feel like the victim in my marriage;

-I am no longer waiting for him to initiate anything;

-I am not stressed when we go to bed together for the purposes of falling asleep because I don't expect anything to happen;

-I feel confident and open to new possibilities. 

This is so empowering and I wish I tried it earlier. I was always so desperate for any intimacy that I would lap up the little he gave to me. The power was in his hands. It is time to turn the tables.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well different strokes for different folks. If you're content, then you've made the right decision for you. But I have to wonder why you buyin to your H's negative comments about hopeless romantic. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be wanted, wanting romance and wanting love. If you can find happiness and contentment with out it, good for you!


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

pecanpie said:


> Since taking on this stance (no more sex with H...possibly forever unless a miracle happens):-
> 
> -I feel so much happier and in control;
> 
> ...


Congrats! My situation is similar but I am the husband. I understand the new possibilities statement but it means something different to me. Just be careful with how confident you get. The sharks can smell that kind of blood in the water.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm going to get flamed for this, but if ever there was a woman who deserved to have an affair, it's this one!


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm going to get flamed for this, but if ever there was a woman who deserved to have an affair, it's this one!



I've said the same about both sexes. He should expect and accept an affair for his behavior. He deserves it.


----------



## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

I'm shaking my head in disbelief! I swear this is me! My story, my words. I was terribly deceived by my Hs LD he fought hard for a long time to hide just how bad it was. Until I started to sense things were wrong, like never ever having an erection when touching me, waking up, during times when we were fooling around. Never trying to even look at me when I'm naked, like I could be a wall standing in the room I go unnoticed by him. Never ever saying or suggesting ever that he wants to do something sexual to me. He would spend hours rubbing my naked body to relax me and pet me, breasts and butt included and he'd roll over and sleep. I would snuggle in so tight to him and rub my butt against his groin and he'd ignore me or roll over. Even when he had erections and I would act assuming it meant he was interested he'd tell me he was too tired!

In the beginning I fought hard to keep the sex life between us active, to keep the connectivity between us, to have that closeness because I love him so much. To the point I sacrificed my own orgasms to help him reach his, gave him oral multiple times a week in hopes he'd have urges or sparks to reciprocate, he never did. 

We fought! Fighting was intense and he'd get better at wanting to want to have sex with me but he never truly did like a normal man would. After a year or so of him trying very hard to give me pity sex I gave up. I stopped initiating all together and waited for him to make the moves. His moves were so off half the time I was completely oblivious to the fact that he even wanted it. I'd have sex with him but now it was completely on his terms when he wanted it to get him off. I was so desperate for a connection I gave in, I so badly craved and desired to be desired by him I gave in, but it was mechanical at best and I kept my sorrow inside because I didn't want to hurt him or fight. 

I came to the conclusion that this isn't his fault and I can't punish him for who he is. Be it medical or mental, it's his cross to bear not mine. So I'm done! We are no longer sexual. I'm completely disconnected my need to have him in that way. Like you I'm empowered and it's fairly new I don't know the outcome or ending to this but I love how freeing it feels to not be rejected anymore!

It is sad but like yours he's almost perfect in every other way so I stay. 

I have sexual dreams almost nightly, I am constantly around men who go out of their way to express just how sexy I am. Even in front of him men constantly tell him how lucky he is and I secretly laugh and think "if they only knew" we work together and I always make him look like a great husband in front of our peers but I die inside a little each time this happens. No one knows what's going on. 

I wish I was a selfish person because I'd leave or cheat but I just can't hurt him or my kid. Maybe that will change after the straw breaks the camels back who knows? Until that time I will remain the refuser!

I wish you the best, as ****ty as our situations are I guess it's nice to know we aren't alone!


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm going to get flamed for this, but if ever there was a woman who deserved to have an affair, it's this one!


I love you for saying this! Not that I plan to (have an affair) but it is nice to have some empathy in this forum.

We are a good looking, successful couple, no one would guess my misery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I'm shaking my head in disbelief! I swear this is me! My story, my words. I was terribly deceived by my Hs LD he fought hard for a long time to hide just how bad it I talked with our head of the math department, and she said that Anne should start out in our IGCSE Additional Maths course. This is the class that all HL Math students have to be in if they want to take math at that level for their IB. We can always change her to the IGCSE Extended Math if the Additional class is too much. In the second semester, the Additional class will focus on calculus. Anne would have to make up what was done during first semester, which was finishing off Advanced Algebra and then trig.
> was. Until I started to sense things were wrong, like never ever having an erection when touching me, waking up, during times when we were fooling around. Never trying to even look at me when I'm naked, like I could be a wall standing in the room I go unnoticed by him. Never ever saying or suggesting ever that he wants to do something sexual to me. He would spend hours rubbing my naked body to relax me and pet me, breasts and butt included and he'd roll over and sleep. I would snuggle in so tight to him and rub my butt against his groin and he'd ignore me or roll over. Even when he had erections and I would act assuming it meant he was interested he'd tell me he was too tired!
> 
> In the beginning I fought hard to keep the sex life between us active, to keep the connectivity between us, to have that closeness because I love him so much. To the point I sacrificed my own orgasms to help him reach his, gave him oral multiple times a week in hopes he'd have urges or sparks to reciprocate, he never did.
> ...


Thanks for sharing! I echo every sentiment. I hope things improve for you. Don't let this affect your self esteem. Sending more power over to you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Well I guess many of us have made the same decision to some degree or other. 

While I have not totally gone without sex simply because it does not fit my ideal, I did have to stop the effort to change what I can't change and/or hope that she would do X thing.

Spending time fantasizing that your spouse would do the things you like is just a great way to be frustrated a lot. But I understand that if the only way for you to stop doing that is to totally cut out sex than you have to do whatever works for you.

I do still find myself liking to fantasize that her libido strengthens but those fantasies do not last very long. 

So what I am saying is that even though it may be to different extents it is the same formula. You have to learn to be at peace with yourself and the fact that your LD spouse is just not going to be able to fulfill all your desires and if a person can't do that they should leave. 

Lots of people cheat and I have had two male friends that left their spouse because of sex in the last couple of years. My own mother walked out.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

So far LD husband has initiated 4 times, the last time on Xmas eve. 

I told him that i won't have sex until he commits to working out his issues with sex. I thought it would drive H to have a talk but no, he went off to sleep and acted like nothing was wrong the next day. I am staying off sex until we can agree on some basis of a future sex life together.

I have never ever refused my husband's sexual advances so he definitely knows something is up. For the past 15 years I am the pathetic dog who gets rewarded with mediocre and rare occasions of sex only when H is in the mood. Well, I'd rather have ZERO sex than a delusional sex life!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I was basically where you are now. Sex was every six to eight weeks when I just gave up. When she basically didn't notice it wasn't long before I started thinking about divorce for the first time in 20 years. I had come to the point where our kids were grown and I no longer wanted to stay married if my needs were not going to be met, and I wasn't going to do the room mate thing. Yes, cutting off sex was liberating to a degree. But it did not take long for me to start falling out of love with my wife, and that was unacceptable if We were to stay married. 

Long story short I totally overhauled how I treated her and started to romance her again. Lucky for me she responded and things slowly started to change. While I still would like more affection from her, we at least have sex a few times a week and it no longer feels like we are room mates any longer. She also knows that I'm not willing to return to where we were and would separate if necessary to avoid going through that pain again. 

If I had low T levels that was causing me to have no desire for sex with my wife, I would get it fixed no matter the possible side effects. The health of my marriage means too much to me to stand by and watch my wife be torn apart by the lack of sexual intimacy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> I was basically where you are now. Sex was every six to eight weeks when I just gave up. When she basically didn't notice it wasn't long before I started thinking about divorce for the first time in 20 years. I had come to the point where our kids were grown and I no longer wanted to stay married if my needs were not going to be met, and I wasn't going to do the room mate thing. Yes, cutting off sex was liberating to a degree. But it did not take long for me to start falling out of love with my wife, and that was unacceptable if We were to stay married.
> 
> Long story short I totally overhauled how I treated her and started to romance her again. Lucky for me she responded and things slowly started to change. While I still would like more affection from her, we at least have sex a few times a week and it no longer feels like we are room mates any longer. She also knows that I'm not willing to return to where we were and would separate if necessary to avoid going through that pain again.
> 
> ...


Well said! I am here posting on TA while H is glued to the TV and clueless. I don't understand how he can live with this as a man. Would have thought it would cut right through his ego but nope, he is perfectly happy as a low T man! I don't get it


----------



## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

So after you refused and told him there is things you need to be worked on together sexually, he just went to sleep, no comment or anything? I am sorry that is not good enough. I know he is a great man otherwise and you are feeling better doing the rejecting, but are you really going to be fully satisfied in the marriage with this lack of sex or your wans not being met? Since he seems to think you have a great marriage maybe tell him you cant go on like this without some serious changes and communication with this. Not that you are going to leave but maybe the thought of you doing that will wake him up. Right now it seems in his eyes there is not a real issue to be dealt with becasue most of the marrige is great. The problem is one of the most important part is not (at least not with you). Cutting him off is great that you made a stand but dont cut yourself off from sex you desire completely. Hang in there.


----------



## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

pecanpie said:


> Well said! I am here posting on TA while H is glued to the TV and clueless. I don't understand how he can live with this as a man. Would have thought it would cut right through his ego but nope, he is perfectly happy as a low T man! I don't get it


He can live like this because the chances are good he has been low T for most of his life. When you hadn't experienced something you will never know that you are missing something. This has become normal for him.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Eagle3 said:


> *So after you refused and told him there is things you need to be worked on together sexually, he just went to sleep, no comment or anything*? I am sorry that is not good enough. I know he is a great man otherwise and you are feeling better doing the rejecting, but are you really going to be fully satisfied in the marriage with this lack of sex or your wans not being met? Since he seems to think you have a great marriage maybe tell him you cant go on like this without some serious changes and communication with this. Not that you are going to leave but maybe the thought of you doing that will wake him up. Right now it seems in his eyes there is not a real issue to be dealt with becasue most of the marrige is great. The problem is one of the most important part is not (at least not with you). Cutting him off is great that you made a stand but dont cut yourself off from sex you desire completely. Hang in there.


Yes he just went to sleep! He is passive aggressive and that's how we arrived at this state. He thinks that apart from sex, our marriage is really going great. I have threatened divorce too many times over the course of our 15 year marriage because of sex (or the lack thereof). It no longer is a threat to him. To get any reaction, I would have to physically move out and serve divorce papers but I don't want to do that because of my kids. 

The weird thing is, we had a nice day out just both of us today, and despite the time spent together I felt no emotional bond. I know him well enough that he will avoid the issue for as long as he can. 

In the meantime, I am trying some 180 degree tactics and just concentrating on improving myself. What more could I do right?


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I don't understand why gaining control helps you. Control of nothing is nothing. Your choices are:

1) toys and he helps
2) open marriage
3) divorce
4) nothing
5) cheating


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> I don't understand why gaining control helps you. Control of nothing is nothing. Your choices are:
> 
> 1) toys and he helps
> 2) open marriage
> ...


I agree that this does not improve the situation or our relationship. But it helps me mentally. It cuts me free, in the sense that I no longer wait for him to be in the mood, or wonder whether it's going to happen or not. I also am aware that this may lead to our marriage dying out or extramarital affairs. It may seem like I am only punishing myself as he is not miserable with the current state of affairs. He thinks I am the one with the problem and not him.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

dblkman said:


> He can live like this because the chances are good he has been low T for most of his life. When you hadn't experienced something you will never know that you are missing something. This has become normal for him.


:iagree:


----------



## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

Wow, I have just read your post and I think I am married to your husband... my marriage is exactly the same as yours! I can relate to everything you are saying. I can't offer you any words of wisdom except that you are not alone. I have good and bad days. I too have given up on begging my husband for sex and we haven't had sex for 7 months..he seems completely happy with this. I am past caring and feel a certain sense of relief, nobody wants pity sex and that's what I was getting every 4-6 weeks if I had been a good girl. I find it incredible that he is happy to live like this and also not realise how deeply unhappy I am! He too is clueless. Last night my husband did a jigsaw upstairs, whilst I sat downstairs on my own.

Stay strong, focus on yourself take care XXX


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Years of being rejected and being told things like 'A blow job? Over my dead body'....'Why should I have sex when I don't feel like it?'...etc used to hurt and make me feel rejected and unloved/unwanted..

The only way I could protect myself from being rejected and therefore hurt, was not to initiate or expect sex. 

It would have been 'nice' had my wife noticed what I was doing (or not doing as is the case!)...or even asked me why or accused me of getting sex elsewhere.
But sadly, it didnt seem to bother her a jot. Infact she was probably quite pleased that I had (apparantly) 'gone off' sex....so there was no pressure on her.

The result? - sex is now way way down my list of priorities. I've had numerous prostate infections and been told that I must ejaculate atleast 2x a month. 
I have to make a real effort to do this and have to have some form of visual stimulation (porn) to get hard enough to make it happen.
Oddly I still wake up with a full boner though! But no desire.

All this is thanks to my wife. She has succesfully managed to change me from a sexual male into an asexual mouse.


----------



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

askari said:


> Years of being rejected and being told things like 'A blow job? Over my dead body'....'Why should I have sex when I don't feel like it?'...etc used to hurt and make me feel rejected and unloved/unwanted..
> 
> The only way I could protect myself from being rejected and therefore hurt, was not to initiate or expect sex.
> 
> ...


Your wife is unbelievable! But like my LD husband, she probably thinks your relationship is better than ever since you've stopped asking for sex which is a nuisance to the LD spouse. Likewise, my LD husband thinks it's so peaceful since I don't even bring up the sex talk anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Absolutely...now that sex is off the table, she is happy and thinks everything is hunky dory.
She managed to grind me down so much that I don't care any more.

Boy will she get a shock when the children hit 18.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

pecanpie said:


> Thanks so much for your advice PHTlump! My husband went to test his testosterone levels as I threatened divorce a couple of months back. His levels are extremely low. However the doctor advised that having T treatment is not without risks (could get enlarged prostrate etc). I don't want him to go through T treatments if he is uncomfortable doing it. He says he will try very hard and initiate even when he has no drive just for the sake of our marriage. He has initiated twice since but I've told him to stop. I don't want you to think I am vengeful - but knowing that your husband has no desire for you and is only initiating out fear is a libido dampener. I am adamant this time to not let him think that so long as we have sex once every three months or more that he has fulfilled his role as a husband. I want it to be completely sexless so he knows it is a problem between us. Every time we argue he insists the marriage is not sexless.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No no no.

Find another doctor that isn't going to scare you into not getting treatment.

For men - having lowT or no T is far more dangerous - health, mental, psychological all suffer when you Testosterone is low

Men with LowT have no idea how bad they are acting and how poorly they fell. I know this from my own experience.

Get the treatment going ASAP!


----------

