# Husband doesn't get along with my family



## dbs

My husband has never really clicked with my family for some reason. He hates spending time with them, and every time there is a family event he whines, complains and acts anti-social to the point that it is impossible to enjoy myself. I feel like he is being selfish and that he should try a little harder with them. I have talked to him about this a million times but he won't budge. The way I see it, I have three options:


Try to make him go to family functions even though he hates it and will make it miserable for everyone.
Go to family functions by myself
Both of us stay home and not go to functions at all

What would you do in this situation? My family is really important to me. We have a 6 month old son and I really want him to have his family around growing up like I did. My husband comes from a broken family and has pretty much cut all ties with them.


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## GodIsWorking

Is there even one family member he sort of gets along with?


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## dbs

Yeah, he gets along okay with my brother and parents but he isn't exactly jumping at the opportunity to spend time with them.


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## GodIsWorking

My H doesn't enjoy my family gatherings either, so I try to pick my battles. Maybe only ask him to come to the ones where your brother is there. Talk to your brother about it, try to get him to engage your H.

I find if I don't make him sit around the whole time he is better. There is always something someone forgets, let him be the one to go get the bag of ice.....or purposely forget something you need for the dish you bring to the event and ask him after he starts to get fidgety to go to the store and get it for you. Create an escape for him.


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## dbs

GodIsWorking said:


> My H doesn't enjoy my family gatherings either, so I try to pick my battles. Maybe only ask him to come to the ones where your brother is there. Talk to your brother about it, try to get him to engage your H.
> 
> I find if I don't make him sit around the whole time he is better. There is always something someone forgets, let him be the one to go get the bag of ice.....or purposely forget something you need for the dish you bring to the event and ask him after he starts to get fidgety to go to the store and get it for you. Create an escape for him.



Thank you for the great ideas!


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## FirstYearDown

Your husband may have a hard time understanding your need for family closeness, since he is not close to his family.

My husband is dreadfully shy and socially awkward. Since he is an introvert, large parties are difficult and draining for him. Is your husband introverted in other settings?

This is a great opportunity for compromise. You can alternate events and agree on a time limit.

Has there been any conflict between your family and your husband?


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## dbs

FirstYearDown said:


> Your husband may have a hard time understanding your need for family closeness, since he is not close to his family.
> 
> My husband is dreadfully shy and socially awkward. Since he is an introvert, large parties are difficult and draining for him. Is your husband introverted in other settings?
> 
> This is a great opportunity for compromise. You can alternate events and agree on a time limit.
> 
> Has there been any conflict between your family and your husband?


I think you hit the nail of the head with this. I know that my husband has a hard time understanding my need for my family because he is estranged from his. He knows how important they are to me, and he wants to to be close to them, he just doesn't want to have to be involved with this. That makes it hard on me because I want to spend the holidays with my family and of course my husband, especially since we had our son.

He is a very introverted person. He enjoys spending time on his own and can be pretty shy and awkward.

I will definitely work to compromise with him. I just don't want every family get-together to be a battle between us for the rest of our lives. There has never been any conflict between my family and him. They have always been very supportive of our relationship and our marriage.


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## FirstYearDown

It can be hard when a social butterfly is married to a strong silent type. Once you learn to navigate the differences, each of you can enrich the other's life in your own unique ways.

My husband tells me that a quiet woman would bore him to death.


The time limits work for us, as well as being affectionate while we are out together. It comforts my husband and redirects any discomfort. 


I could never go to all the social events my family has....during the summer, there are just way too many. I am not a big partier myself, so we often just skip most of them.


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## moonangel

I used to feel uncomfortable going to my husband's parents' house for family gatherings but I would go anyway and just sit quietly. No one ever bothers me. Once in a while a family member will make conversation or I will too but rarely. That was a couple of years ago. My MIL has since passed away and his only sister lives on the east coast and is extremely busy.

On my side of the family, my husband is a talkaholic and loves to socialize so it's never been a problem with him.


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## ivana

my husband wont go to my parents house on Christmas day so I go alone with the kids..he then goes to his friends to party and complains when I say he shouldn't be goin to his friends,its like my family are trash to him..i don't know how to handle this.it hurts so much


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