# Does him looking at nude pic occasionally always mean he will cheat?



## busybee1989 (Nov 28, 2014)

I hope this isn't going to totally be a dumb question. I am involved with a man (living with) and I consider him my best friend. Didn't start out that way. We met as being single neighbors, both dating around so we got off to a rocky start.. with going back and forth between romance and friendship and add to the mix dating others. Then we moved away from each other for about a year. But back in May I contacted him just to be friendly and sparks flew and we have hardly spent a moment apart since. He is so very good to me. Works hard. Says he wants to marry me (apparently there is a proposal date coming up that even my daughters know about). I love him so much and we have so many things in common and a great deal of respect for each other. 

BUT, I am aware he looks at nude pics of women when bored at random. Not all the time, maybe few times a month. I even brought up the issue speaking as if in regards to someone else so he wouldn't feel attacked. And he openly admitted he does it and that all men do or at least want to.. or their lying. But he said that doesn't mean he wants to cheat, that women are just beautiful creatures. 

I am not the most secure person in the world but not the most insecure either. I am apparently attractive according to most people I meet. But perfect body.... No way! I've had kids. It just bothers me a little because I want to be enough. Especially when considering a marriage proposal. Does this always lead to infidelity? Even if he'd seemingly die for me. I have not asked him to stop. This is just one wrong thing among thousands of right things. Feedback would really be helpful. 

Thanks,

Busybee89
I


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What kind of pics? Of porn? Or is he contacting "actual" women to get nude pics? 

C


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with PBear, we need to know more...


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

If it's pix of models or pornstars it should rank low on your worry scale,, but that's not to say you shouldn't express concerns if you have them.

Nudes and porn come with an unwritten 'no emotional attachment' contract. Occasional looking is 'normal'. Obsessive looking flags other issues.

You'd have more to worry about if he were looking at a clothed woman that he knew. Any direct contact carries the potential of risk of EAs and PAs.

Since he's owned up to it, most likely you've nothing to worry about. No attachment, no other woman stealing his emotions away from you.

It becomes a problem if he's watching it (and jèrking off) when you're present and available. That's NOT normal,, though sadly common. That would indicate an intimacy issue or other relationship problem. 

MOST guys, secure ones without issues, prefer a live, warm woman to a bunch of female shaped pixels.

The typical grey area / fighting zone for couples is when the guy goes DIY just because,, or because the female has lower drive.

Not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't tolerate but I'd advise anyone - if your needs are being met people do all manner of strange things with their alone time - remote professional females needn't be more alarming than spending every weekend playing golf. There will be real women at the golf club.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

ALL men look at nude pics occasionally. But that is such a generic statement that includes every Tibetan monk who's seen the movie Titanic, in other words 100% of the male population. So to answer your question: _does this always mean he will cheat_? *NO* because the male cheating rate is a lot less than 100%.

The fact your man admitted this is a good sign of his honesty and his comfort talking with you about a (possibly) sensitive topic.



> It just bothers me a little because I want to be enough. Especially when considering a marriage proposal. Does this always lead to infidelity? Even if he'd seemingly die for me. I have not asked him to stop. This is just one wrong thing among thousands of right things.


What is it that you want to be enough of? Enough "woman" to make him NOT want to see other nude pics occasionally? That is all but impossible, does not matter who you are or what you look like, it has nothing to do with you. What is the one wrong thing about this? In my (male) opinion it means your man is normal and probably has a normal sex drive. 

I've seen LOTS of nude pics and I've never cheated. My wife is perfectly fine with my behavior, she sometimes jokes about the web sites I visit. And we have discussed the limits of my online enjoyment (for us, this means "nothing interactive" like chat or webcam). My viewing also does not affect our regular 2X per week sex life. In fact, my low desire wife is glad I turn to the nudies (instead of her) on our "in-between sex" days.

I am NOT suggesting that my views are better than your views, or that there even is a "right or wrong" position on this topic. It is entirely your right to make this a dealbreaker issue, and to find another man who shares your views and will never look at nude pics.

If this still bothers you, discuss it with him until you are satisfied. Or, break up and keep looking.


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## busybee1989 (Nov 28, 2014)

I just wanted to clarify a few things. As far as I know all he looks at is nude pics (young girls). I am 42, so I haven't seen him looking at porn video. And I do not believe any chatting is going on. He has been divorced 7 years so I'm sure it was a habit that even became more intense because his ex cheated on him online. I know he loves me.
I believe he is satisfied with me. And I feel like I meet most of his needs. It was just a little sting to come across the pics left open on his phone (when I was borrowing it). Because I have been so in love with him that I wouldn't dream of looking at someone and being aroused. It just threw me for a loop and made me feel vulnerable and hurt at first. I guess being female, I am more of an emotional creature.... Not always something I'm proud of. 
I liked the idea of setting guidelines that we must adhere to upon marriage. Because I really do want to be with him for life and not let petty stuff come between us. It was just hard to tell if this is petty or not. I have been cheated on before too.
And yes, being neighbors out a lot of pressure on us... Way too early. Thank goodness for that year apart. It showed us we were more than a fling.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I wouldn't have a problem with it and I feel it's normal for men to look at nude women assuming they aren't underage or women he knows that he took pictures of with or without their knowing about it. If it's just pictures on the net of women he doesn't know then I wouldn't be concerned.


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## efowler25 (Nov 23, 2014)

Start looking at the nude pics with him. Make it something you do together. Women are beautiful so enjoy it, bet he will be surprised and very much excited!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Lots (most?) guys look at porn. If that's a deal breaker for you, you need to talk about it soon. And it has nothing to do with cheating, IMHO. 

How's your sex life? 

C


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Serial cheaters are usually secretive in many ways before they cheat,, cuz they're always looking to fulfill the need that motivates them.

There are no guarantees with the remainder. People who never set out to cheat can if the right set of circumstances come along.

Trust your instincts. Look for behaviour changes. Keep putting reasonable effort in, don't tolerate bùll' and you maximise your chances. 

Don't fret on the occasional nudie pic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Howdy Busy,

I’d say looking at pictures of nude women will increase the likelihood of his cheating as much as looking at pictures of Warren Buffett and Bill Gates will make him a multimillionaire.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

busybee1989 said:


> I just wanted to clarify a few things. As far as I know all he looks at is nude pics (young girls). I am 42, so I haven't seen him looking at porn video. And I do not believe any chatting is going on.


So he's looking at pictures of just girls, not porn? Are these pictures he finds on the internet?

How old are these young girls?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Agree with all the others.

I don't do porn, but like your man, occasional look at sexy, semi nude or once in a while nude pics' usually of famous broads.

Always have since the internet was born, and before that the 'bra ads' and whatever else i come across. I guess that makes me normal? One thing it does is get your juices flowing. gets that libido up.

The only red flag is that you say 'young girls'? hmmmm???........how young?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Howdy Busy,
> 
> I’d say looking at pictures of nude women will increase the likelihood of his cheating as much as looking at pictures of Warren Buffett and Bill Gates will make him a multimillionaire.


that's bleeping hilarious


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

She said "women" in the OP.

Didn't get a paedo' vibe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"As far as I know all he looks at is nude pics (young girls)"
busybee1898.

she can clear this up, that's all.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Just give more BJs and don't worry about it...


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## busybee1989 (Nov 28, 2014)

Thanks for the suggestions and input. I feel much better about it. Life is too short to pay that much attention to details and differences between women and men regarding sex. it would probably push him away to judge him.


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## busybee1989 (Nov 28, 2014)

Oh and to answer the questions. Young but fully figured. I really can't say if in their teens or not


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't know if there is any way to tell who will cheat and who will not. I doubt porn viewing is an indicator. 

Here is something I just found:
"The No. 1 reason men cheat is because they are dissatisfied with their relationship, while the most common reason women cheat is they feel emotionally deprived."

I agree with others try to be open and honest and support each other.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

busybee1989 said:


> Thanks for the suggestions and input. I feel much better about it. Life is too short to pay that much attention to details and differences between women and men regarding sex. it would probably push him away to judge him.


yes, busybee.

i would just make peace with this. but do be aware of his habits as all good spouses do. if anything beyond the ordinary shows up in future, then talk it out and get opinions like you are doing now.

good luck!


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## busybee1989 (Nov 28, 2014)

Thank you and best of luck to everyone on here too! Glad I stumbled on this forum.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Does him looking at nude pic occasionally always mean he will cheat?*



efowler25 said:


> Start looking at the nude pics with him. Make it something you do together. Women are beautiful so enjoy it, bet he will be surprised and very much excited!!


No thanks, as a heterosexual woman I think this is weird. Would a guy watch other nude guys with his wife? I doubt that.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

catfan said:


> No thanks, as a heterosexual woman I think this is weird. Would a guy watch other nude guys with his wife? I doubt that.


God! I love this response. OP. Start looking at pictures of gorgeous, well endowed men.

Start doing it a lot. Let your H enjoy with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. Your husband is wrong about all men. Tell him to stop being a coward and own his choices.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

catfan said:


> No thanks, as a heterosexual woman I think this is weird. Would a guy watch other nude guys with his wife? I doubt that.


In a New York Minute if it got her hot and I benefited.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The best predictor of future performance is past performance. Whatever he looks at today, if he has a history of cheating and otherwise being dishonest, that's probably what you can expect. If he has a history of being lazy or irresponsible, that's what you can expect. A single guy looking at nude or semi-nude women only means the guy is straight, has decent vision, and a healthy interest in sex.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

To the OP, I don't think it means he will cheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

If it got her engine going I wouldn't have a problem doing it. I'm sure I'll be the one pumping her tank full


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

busybee1989 said:


> I hope this isn't going to totally be a dumb question. I am involved with a man (living with) and I consider him my best friend. Didn't start out that way. We met as being single neighbors, both dating around so we got off to a rocky start.. with going back and forth between romance and friendship and add to the mix dating others. Then we moved away from each other for about a year. But back in May I contacted him just to be friendly and sparks flew and we have hardly spent a moment apart since. He is so very good to me. Works hard. Says he wants to marry me (apparently there is a proposal date coming up that even my daughters know about). I love him so much and we have so many things in common and a great deal of respect for each other.
> 
> BUT, I am aware he looks at nude pics of women when bored at random. Not all the time, maybe few times a month. I even brought up the issue speaking as if in regards to someone else so he wouldn't feel attacked. And he openly admitted he does it and that all men do or at least want to.. or their lying. But he said that doesn't mean he wants to cheat, that women are just beautiful creatures.
> 
> ...



If you're taking care of his sexual needs, so he never has to ask and beg......there is no need for porn.

If you're not taking care of his sexual needs as your own......he will be vulnerable and probably look at porn.

It doesn't mean he will cheat on you.

In my youth, I viewed porn daily but never went out and cheated on my wifee. Now that my wifee is starting to get a sex drive and I'm older, my porn viewing is maybe once every few months.

Us men are visual creatures and it doesn't take much for us to want sex and watch sexy women.


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## busybee1989 (Nov 28, 2014)

We average having sex once to twice a day. Sex is important to both of us because it was lacking in our previous relationships. I was previously married to a worship pastor (of all people) who claimed to never look at others but found him viewing it and learned of a complete secret life he had. I personally like porn as a turn on but have never felt right about it at all because of my beliefs. So anyway... I mentioned to him this so he knows I'm not a BI about it. I would rather us be completely open and honest about the way we feel than live a lie. I think everyone is taught to be ashamed of even the thinking about it. I am just not getting any younger, neither is he (I mean sex could come to an end with health problems). We do have an incredible friendship and love despite all the off and on times early in our relationship. I hope it lasts and hopefully the good sex too. ð


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

intheory said:


> Cletus,
> 
> So, if your wife is thinking, dreaming, longing for someone else while having sex with you; that's okay?
> 
> If she were to aim her face at the screen so she could watch Mr. Gorgeous; and you are positioned out-of-sight, but still able to penetrate; you'd really be okay? That would be truly satisfying?


And while we're at it, we could torture and mutilate small puppies. Don't build a straw-stud just so you can knock him down. 

I bought my wife her copy of "Magic Mike", if you must know, and yes, I watched it with her. If it helps to light her pilot, no harm, no foul. She still spends what little sexual energy she has on ME, but I don't hold a candle physically to Channing Tatum or her favorite eye candy, Matthew McConaughey. If watching a movie with men like that helps her break through a truly astounding set of inhibitions, then as an aid, I'm all for it. 

Do I want to be replaced? Don't be absurd.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Busybee, I'll toss out my opinion and a suggestion. Most guys look at porn, or at a minimum scantily dressed or topless women. Coming from a blue collar family of mechanics and so on the nudie calendar was standard issue.
For me, it gets me in the right mindset to get it on. It helps shove aside those "what about that deadline at work" thoughts etc etc.
Because I had a far higher drive than my ex, I wanted nothing more than some images or a little private movie file of her, no face or talking in case the media was ever hacked or stolen, to get my motor running, but she would never do it. 
It sounds like at 1-2x a day you've got a good thing going already, I'm envious But if he does look at it, make him a little of your own if your comfortable with it


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

intheory said:


> *I didn't realize your wife's inhibitions were so extensive. And that sex is, therefore, a struggle for you guys.
> 
> Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you or insult you.
> *


No offense taken, really. It wasn't in the context of my own marriage that I reacted, but in the huge leap from looking at pictures of attractive possibly naked men to being cuckolded by your television.


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## mike2do (Dec 4, 2014)

Don't worry about it, most men will look at nude pictures. Don't worry about your body image, women at different ages are sexy in different ways. Us men like looking at different body types. There is a lot more things to worry about then this miner issue, yes it is a miner issues, let's not blow it out of proportion.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Just in case you are still around, I have watched porn since I was 14 (I am 32 now) and i have never cheated, so no, porn can be a fantasy and a relief but most men are aware of the difference between fantasy and reality


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