# 10 Years And 3 Kids Later Its Falling Apart



## AngelicEmbers (Jan 12, 2014)

My story is one I never though Id have to tell and honestly I have been completely alone dealing with this for almost a year now and desperately need any advice any of you are willing to give. I feel like I am at my breaking point.

A little background on the previous 9 years - my husband was so deeply in love with me and I him. We met in 2003 and married in 2004, we always had a very close bond and we could always count on each other no matter what. I was living in NJ and decided to move to FL away from all of my friends and family to start a new life with my husband. We had a little girl in 2005 and a little boy in 2009 and he became a stay at home dad while I worked. He cooked, he cleaned and he was THE best father I could have ever asked for with these babies not to mention a doting husband who always did those little things to show me how much he cared for me (yes even midnight tampon runs to the store lol). We did have occasional arguments but they were normal and we always made up and everything was OK.

I used to work in technical support and at the end of 2010 I really screwed up. One of the techs I had to work with online (he lived in CA) started talking to me a lot because we both worked the night shift and well I started to have a long distance emotional affair. Long story short I pulled away from my husband and after he snooped enough he found out about it and was beyond hysterical. I made him stay at his parents home but he would be at my door at 6AM crying and begging me to stay with him plus he would show up at my job on my breaks to talk to me. Seeing him in so much intense pain I realized I still truly loved him and had just made the biggest mistake of my life. We slowly mended things and I did eveything in my power to make it right (which I did) and our relationship was so much closer not to mention stronger for years after. 

I lost my job in 2012 and found out I was pregnant. My husband had been a full time student so essentially we lost our home and had no choice but to live with his parents (who have always hated me for no reason even before they met me and his father is certified crazy with anger issues). 

During January of 2013 my husband was dealing with pressure from his parents to get his career going because it had taken so many years with nothing to show for it so he gets this brilliant idea to stay with his uncle in Miami which is 7 hours south from here and finish his schooling there. After a few weeks of him being in Miami his personality started to change dramatically. He was very argumentative, demanding,blamed me for every problem he had, angry and just not himself at all. Some nights went by where he didn't even call me to say goodnight. I knew something was wrong but what?

I had texted him one night in April telling him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me and he responded with "ive been doing really horrible things" it took me awhile to coax it out of him but he had admitted he was going out drinking every night, started taking 18 Robitussin cough medication pills a day on top of the drinking and cheated! First he only told me he kissed this person but seemed overly upset about it. I went down to Miami to see him for several weeks and he hardly wanted to be intimate with me but he eventually gave in.

Another month after this I was hospitalized for urinating blood and excruciating pain. The doctors had no idea what it could be. He called me up and told me the truth. He had met this random girl on the beach and had sex with her 2 separate times but claimed he was totally safe used condoms etc. I was devastated beyond belief! Who was this man I was married to? All of that trust went down the toilet. I went to get tested for STDs and sure enough I had Trich and the cancerous form of HPV!! How could he hurt someone he claims to love so deeply?

He promised me he would make it right and he regretted what he did so much and was so sorry etc. The problem is he never made anything right!

All of that aside he is still in Miami, lies to me about everything under the sun (even stupid things), breaks promises constantly,never opens up to me just tells me "i need help" when I try to tell him i want a separation. I found texts on his phone months ago with him bashing me to his brother saying he was going to divorce me and making fun of me, he talked so much crap about me to his aunt about what a "mistake" marrying me was she wont even let me visit him in Miami anymore! 

When he was here for Christmas he not only password protected his phone but took the battery out of it! I was so upset i told him i wanted to be left alone but he follows me down the road and hits me with his car, when i fell down from the impact he was more concerned with the neighbors seeing and never once apologized or asked me if i was okay. He hardly was intimate with me the whole 2 weeks he was here on top of that and spent most of his time with his parents or the kids. I tried so many times to ask him what is wrong and that we need to just talk and resolve this but he refuses to talk much and if he does he doesn't show much emotion anymore just keeps saying he doesn't want me to give up on him and that he needs help.

A man in love doesn't act like this at all. Hes super attached to his parents now and does whatever they say or want him to do but he was never like this the whole time previously that I was married to him. I dont come first anymore and that has been killing me inside. Ive gotten quite numb. He knows he has to change and stand up for me and this marriage and earn his trust back but something is stopping him. He wont even tell his Aunt he needs me there. I dont know what I should do or say anymore because nothing ive tried is working. Every time i bring up separation or divorce he changes the subject or tells me he doesn't want me to leave.

Any advice would help. Is there anything I can try to get him to realize how wrong hes been? Should I just stop answering his texts and calls altogether? I apologize for this being so long but I really wanted to add as much as a could to paint a better picture.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Well it does not sound good. I think the real question here is do you want to stay married to him? 

When he caught you have the affair you told him to leave the house or did he want to go? 

Clay


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

AngelicEmbers said:


> My story is one I never though Id have to tell and honestly I have been completely alone dealing with this for almost a year now and desperately need any advice any of you are willing to give. I feel like I am at my breaking point.
> 
> A little background on the previous 9 years - my husband was so deeply in love with me and I him. We met in 2003 and married in 2004, we always had a very close bond and we could always count on each other no matter what. I was living in NJ and decided to move to FL away from all of my friends and family to start a new life with my husband. We had a little girl in 2005 and a little boy in 2009 and he became a stay at home dad while I worked. He cooked, he cleaned and he was THE best father I could have ever asked for with these babies not to mention a doting husband who always did those little things to show me how much he cared for me (yes even midnight tampon runs to the store lol). We did have occasional arguments but they were normal and we always made up and everything was OK.
> 
> ...


I really hope you resolve this....does NOT sound good at all. Maybe somewhere along the way with all the stress he fell out of love with you. Do you have an Update?


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