# "Blown Off" Radio Segment, WTF Were They Thinking???



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

On my drive to work in the morning the radio station I listen to has a "Blown Off" segment. The quick & dirty, two go out, one person (the caller to the radio station) thought the date went great but the other person went ghost. The radio station steps in to contact the "ghost" and figure out what happened, hoping it was just a mis understanding (maybe the person had a family death, lost their phone, was abducted by aliens, became a mod at TAM, etc...). Figured I would use this thread to share some of the "stupider" calls >

Alright, so today, female calls up. She met this guy at a bar (wasn't even a date) and they had an instant connection. She made it clear to him that she is NOT INTO ONS, she is not that kind of girl. He agreed, said he was the same. So naturally what happens next, she goes back to his place and they sleep together. Since then he went ghost.

So now she calls the radio station, keeps emphasizing how she does not do ONS, how she slept with this guy and it felt like the beginning of a relationship, etc... They get this guy on the phone, he says how they just met at a bar, everything was going well and just went with it, she knew what she was doing. She goes right for the victim card, he is a liar, how dare he use her, she knows where he lives so he will regret doing this to her, etc... lol

Summary, gal does not do ONS, claims she is not that kind of girl, meets a guy at a bar, goes back to his place and sleeps with him, talks about how magical it was and how it felt like the beginning of a relationship, continues to claim she is not that kind of girl    Seriously, just admit you were full of $h1t, made a mistake, and learn from it. Instead, she is threatening this guy and my guess now going around saying all guys are dogs when she had complete control over the situation and her pants staying on ...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sounds like they are both dealing with shame.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

jld said:


> Sounds like they are both dealing with shame.


No, he seemed ok with it lol, no shame at all as in his view he met a girl at a bar who went to his place willing to sleep with him. To deal with her shame, she turned it around into playing the victim card.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

He said he was the same, not into ONS.

Or was he lying?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jld said:


> He said he was the same, not into ONS.
> 
> Or was he lying?


I'd imagine he was telling the truth, and not really one to have a ONS. The difference between he and the woman is that he was mature enough to chalk it up as a lesson, take responsibility for his own decision, and not blame her. She is just as culpable in this as he is.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I'd imagine he was telling the truth, and not really one to have a ONS. The difference between he and the woman is that he was mature enough to chalk it up as a lesson, take responsibility for his own decision, and not blame her. She is just as culpable in this as he is.


Too bad he was not mature enough to call her and talk with her honestly. 

Although, to me, any guy going "ghost" should be an automatic write off. Too much work.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I'd imagine he was telling the truth, and not really one to have a ONS. The difference between he and the woman is that he was mature enough to chalk it up as a lesson, take responsibility for his own decision, and not blame her. She is just as culpable in this as he is.


^ This is the impression he gave on the phone, he just happened to be at a bar with a female who seemed anxious to go back to his place, so he went with it. Could he have been completely lying just to get laid, sure, only he knows. 

It just seems odd for someone to emphatically state they are not the type of girl who does a ONS, meets a stranger at a bar, sleeps with him, and somehow associates the fact that she gave it up on the first night as obligation for this guy to enter a relationship with her. Very strange ...


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

This is known as "ASD", for "anti-**** defense". Almost no girl wants to be known as "that kind of girl", so virtually every girl will say "I don't do things like that." The correct answer for a player is "I don't either", followed by continuing whatever was going on.

A girl who *really *isn't into ONS doesn't sleep with a guy the first night she meets him.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> ^ This is the impression he gave on the phone, he just happened to be at a bar with a female who seemed anxious to go back to his place, so he went with it. Could he have been completely lying just to get laid, sure, only he knows.
> 
> It just seems odd for someone to emphatically state they are not the type of girl who does a ONS, meets a stranger at a bar, sleeps with him, and somehow associates the fact that she gave it up on the first night as obligation for this guy to enter a relationship with her. Very strange ...


She is fighting between who she is and who she has been told she should be.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

OliviaG said:


> So, she meets a guy in a bar, claims she never does ONS, goes back to his place, has a ONS with him, then is shocked when she never hears from him again. Then, to compound it all, instead of quietly learning her lesson, she contacts a radio station to let them know about it...?!?!
> 
> She doesn't sound like altogether the sharpest tool in the shed, does she? I have to wonder if the radio station is passing off fiction as fact.


Maybe she believed the man? Did not realize he could be lying to her?


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> So, she meets a guy in a bar, claims she never does ONS, goes back to his place, has a ONS with him, then is shocked when she never hears from him again. Then, to compound it all, instead of quietly learning her lesson, she contacts a radio station to let them know about it...?!?!
> 
> She doesn't sound like altogether the sharpest tool in the shed, does she? I have to wonder if the radio station is passing off fiction as fact.


It sounds to me like he dodged a bullet, which maybe he was picking up on things afterwards indicating the amount of drama that would undoubtedly ensue if he which caused him to ghost...


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

OliviaG said:


> Like I said - not the sharpest tool in the shed...lol..
> 
> Even if she was so gullible as to believe him - wouldn't she at some point realize that sex was imminent? What did she think was going to happen when she took off her clothes with a guy she just met?


Maybe she did not know. Maybe she trusted him.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

RainbowBrite said:


> I almost wrote exactly that - he dodged a bullet alright!


Sounds like she has, too. But she just has not realized it yet.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

RainbowBrite said:


> Are you just playing with me jld? Was there ever a time in your life when you'd have that kind of trust?


Of course. Were we not all young and naive once? Did you always know everything you know now, Olivia?


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

RainbowBrite said:


> If she is that much of a babe in the woods, she should stay out of bars.


Agreed.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

It was a ONS. 
And she fell for his charm, perhaps?
But you should expect to be ignored after correct?
Maybe he was testing her morals & she failed. 

I don't believe in ONS & waited 6 months before I was intimate with my now husband. 
If you have values don't break them for anyone or anything. 



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

RainbowBrite said:


> Truthfully, I'm fairly confident that I was *never* that naive. Not ever. I can't even fathom it.
> 
> If she is that much of a babe in the woods, she should stay out of bars.


I don't think we have to worry about that possibility. Any adult who is that naive has a lot more to worry about than that. Or are those Nigerian princes really going to come across with the millions? >


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> Maybe he was testing her morals & she failed.


If that is what was going on, she definitely dodged a bullet.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

jld said:


> Of course. Were we not all young and naive once? Did you always know everything you know now, Olivia?


I can safely say that - at least from my early-teen years up to today - I've never been _that_ stupid. 

Unless this gal was homeschooled and lived in one of those closed religious communities, then if she's an adult, she's old enough to know that sleeping with someone a couple hours after you meet them is unlikely to be an indication that you've begun a committed long-term relationship. Sure, some relationships do start off that way. But the chances aren't exactly great. And sleeping with someone isn't exactly a formal betrothal in this day and age. There was no mention of her being either a doe-eyed virgin or having very recently departed the Amish community of her youth, so clearly she has some familiarity with the adult sexual world.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I don't know about Olivia, but I can safely say that - at least from my early-teen years up to today - I've never been _that_ stupid.
> 
> Unless this gal was homeschooled and lived in one of those closed religious communities, then if she's an adult, she's old enough to know that sleeping with someone a couple hours after you meet them is unlikely to be an indication that you've begun a committed long-term relationship. Sure, some relationships do start off that way. But the chances aren't exactly great. And sleeping with someone isn't exactly a formal betrothal in this day and age. There was no mention of her being either a doe-eyed virgin or having very recently departed the Amish community of her youth, so clearly she has some familiarity with the adult sexual world.


So we should judge her against *your* life experience, Rowan?

She is certainly learning, the hard way.

Not sure why so many are defending the man, though.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Obviously she does do ONS, but doesn't like it when it ends at that. Come on, she was hooking up in a bar! It wasn't even a date, and she jumps into bed with him. If she isn't that kind of girl, she'd have at least waited for a real date or two. And maybe he does ONS, or maybe he prefers not to, but could tell that this girl was bad news, and decided to cut his losses there.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

jld said:


> If that is what was going on, she definitely dodged a bullet.


With 5 brothers here, I can tell you that they do definitely "test" to see if potential partners stick to their supposed statements or values. 
Maybe it's a way to check for future fidelity? 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Obviously she does do ONS, but doesn't like it when it ends at that. Come on, she was hooking up in a bar! It wasn't even a date, and she jumps into bed with him. If she isn't that kind of girl, she'd have at least waited for a real date or two. And maybe he does ONS, or maybe he prefers not to, but could tell that this girl was bad news, and decided to cut his losses there.


After he lied to her and got what he wanted.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> With 5 brothers here, I can tell you that they do definitely "test" to see if potential partners stick to their supposed statements or values.
> Maybe it's a way to check for future fidelity?
> 
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Or insecurity and paranoia.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

jld said:


> Or insecurity and paranoia.


Yep could be anything like that. 
I suppose if you really really like someone things like a ONS shouldn't matter. 



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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> So, she meets a guy in a bar, claims she never does ONS, goes back to his place, has a ONS with him, then is shocked when she never hears from him again. Then, to compound it all, instead of quietly learning her lesson, she contacts a radio station to let them know about it...?!?!
> 
> She doesn't sound like altogether the sharpest tool in the shed, does she? I have to wonder if the radio station is passing off fiction as fact.


Ya know, I wonder as well if these calls are just made up, but then again I do believe there are people out there this naive, so I can see it being true.

It was funny, from the start of the call she kept saying she doesn't do ONS, so you knew where this was going. After saying it for about the 5th time she then mentions right after that she went back to his place and they hooked up :slap:

To me it is simple, assuming this was her first ONS (I doubt it but who knows) she now knows that for her sex is associated with a relationship, someone you trust, and not something she should give away b/c a guy says a few nice things about her. So, admit you screwed up, use it as a learning experience, and move on. YOu want to stop a "player", keep your pants on. Don't threaten the guy, telling him you know where he lives and that you are going to f$ck him over, he messed with the wrong gal lol.

Maybe the guy lied. Maybe he was sincere when he said he didn't do ONS, but suddenly has this female who is throwing herself at him, so he went with it. Maybe after they had sex he was still interested in her but her behavior scared him off (after all, she said that after they had sex she felt like they were already in a relationship :whip. The one thing, he should have at least manned up and told her the night was fun but he didn't want to take things further.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

RainbowBrite said:


> No, she's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic (food reference for your viewing pleasure, ER.  )


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Maybe she sucked in bed (or didn't).


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

jld said:


> So we should judge her against *your* life experience, Rowan?
> 
> She is certainly learning, the hard way.
> 
> Not sure why so many are defending the man, though.


In my experience, most people do judge others - at least in part - by their own experiences and the experiences of those they know or know of. In this case, for much of adult society, it's generally acknowledged that sleeping with a stranger within hours after meeting them isn't a great way to find a committed long-term relationship. And it certainly isn't a guarantee of one. 

My guess is that she's not "learning" at all. She's obviously not a great judge of circumstances or character - either others' or her own. What she is, is someone who does things she says she doesn't do and is then upset when others do the same. That's kinda hypocritical, and more than a little self-deluded. To then complain about this situation publicly on the radio and threaten the guy over it, is also showing a fair amount of emotional instability.

People are defending the guy in this case because, by the standards of most cultural norms, he didn't really do anything wrong. He met a woman in a bar and ended up having a one night stand with her. Something he usually doesn't do. He assumed that was the end of it, as many would. Would I search for someone just like him to date myself? Maybe not. But I also don't think he's the bad guy here.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

RainbowBrite said:


> Like I said - not the sharpest tool in the shed...lol..
> 
> Even if she was so gullible as to believe him - wouldn't she at some point realize that sex was imminent? What did she think was going to happen when she took off her clothes with a guy she just met?


Be careful, Olivia. You're coming dangerously close to holding a woman accountable.



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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Maybe she sucked in bed (or didn't).


That's probably a very good reason. 
But I think it's also, the way she automatically assumed that it was a relationship like after a few hours. 
That would scare even me. 

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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

jld said:


> So we should judge her against *your* life experience, Rowan?
> 
> She is certainly learning, the hard way.
> 
> Not sure why so many are defending the man, though.


What is your aversion to holding her to task for her actions?

The actions I'm speaking of are not the fact that she had a ONS, but rather her going to the radio station to make a debacle of it.

Sure, he is a jerk for doing it. However, she consented.

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> What is your aversion to holding her to task for her actions?
> 
> The actions I'm speaking of are not the fact that she had a ONS, but rather her going to the radio station to make a debacle of it.
> 
> ...


Oh, she is going to learn. She is undoubtedly learning now.

I guess all is fair in love and war? If she stalks him, he asked for it? That is how he will be "held accountable" or "taken to task"?

After all, he "consented" to it. It is common knowledge that when you lie to and use someone for sexual pleasure, they may go crazy on you later when you go ghost on them, right?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

jld said:


> Oh, she is going to learn. She is undoubtedly learning now.
> 
> I guess all is fair in love and war? If she stalks him, he asked for it? That is how he will be "held accountable" or "taken to task"?


All of us reap what we sow, JLD.

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> All of us reap what we sow, JLD.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


And they both are, far.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

jld said:


> Oh, she is going to learn. She is undoubtedly learning now.
> 
> I guess all is fair in love and war? If she stalks him, he asked for it? That is how he will be "held accountable" or "taken to task"?
> 
> After all, he "consented" to it. It is common knowledge that when you lie to and use someone for sexual pleasure, they may go crazy on you later when you go ghost on them, right?


I'm confused as to why you seem to think either of them should be taken to task. No one is talking about stoning anyone. Nor does anyone here seem to feel particularly vindictive or like anyone needs to be punished over this. Well, except the woman in question. She's threatening the guy and making a rather obnoxious scene on the radio about the situation. 

Look she made what seems to be an error in judgement. Accountability for that looks something like acknowledging that she made an error in judgement and accepting that she is, after all, someone who had a ONS. From there she's free to decide for herself that she does or does not wish to continue in that vein and, if she doesn't, to set boundaries for herself that would make it less likely for her to repeat this situation. 

Accountability for him might look something like acknowledging that he made an error in judgement and accepting that he maybe doesn't want to do that again. He might choose to be more careful in future that he doesn't repeat this situation. 

They are both responsible for their own actions, and whatever they choose to do or not do about the situation going forward. Holding someone accountable isn't the same thing as thinking they should be taken to task. That's something that might be reserved for bad behavior - say, for example, making a big public deal out of a private matter, or threatening and/or stalking someone you barely know for not loving you back.

These two people both met in a bar, had sex, then went their separate ways. They used each other - apparently in a consenting sexual episode. Neither of them did anything "wrong" or "bad". There is no evil party here. At least until someone starts going all stalkery and making threats. Then that person is making themselves the bad guy. And, no, no one deserves to be stalked.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I'm confused as to why you seem to think either of them should be taken to task. No one is talking about stoning anyone. Nor does anyone here seem to feel particularly vindictive or like anyone needs to be punished over this. Well, except the woman in question. She's threatening the guy and making a rather obnoxious scene on the radio about the situation.
> 
> Look she made what seems to be an error in judgement. Accountability for that looks something like acknowledging that she made an error in judgement and accepting that she is, after all, someone who had a ONS. From there she's free to decide for herself that she does or does not wish to continue in that vein and, if she doesn't, to set boundaries for herself that would make it less likely for her to repeat this situation.
> 
> ...


I was not the one who brought up those terms, Rowan. Or even thinks in them. 

I agree this is a learning experience for both of them.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

jld said:


> After he lied to her and got what he wanted.


That's an unjustified assumption. It could be true, but I don't think so.

I think she lies to herself about being "that kind of girl," or at least used extraordinarily poor judgment. She chose to go with him and have sex with him despite not knowing anything about him other than she found him sexually appealing. She didn't accidentally fall onto his penis!

She's an adult, and needs to take responsibility for her own decisions and actions, good or - in this case - bad..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jld said:


> Sounds like they are both dealing with shame.


Eh... you're giving the guy way too much credit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I've been on both sides of this. So what I think is most likely true is that they are most likely both at fault here.

I've been the guy who would say just about anything to get in a girl's pants. Not commit to a relationship, but think that it's possible. And actually believed it. And then the night gets away from you and you make a move and then you're naked... And it's 'meh.' And then you have to deal with the fact that you kind of led her on and after you had sex with her, you weren't interested in her any more.

And if that's what happened, he was kind of a **** for leading her on to believe it was something it ultimately wasn't, and she was kind of a ***** for thinking that having sex means you're in a relationship because that's not true, either.

I've also been straight up with a girl about 'I want to have sex with you but I don't want you to think that means we're in a relationship." And then you do, and it's great, but you don't want to be in a relationship. And the girl flips out about "why didn't you call me" and even goes around telling other people that you promised you were together when you made it abundantly clear that you weren't. And that's on her, and also happens.

But I've also been the guy to chase a girl and have it go great and you end up having sex the first night and you want it to be more... And she doesn't. And that hurts because she got to test run you, and she passed on you. And can feel like a violation, and sometimes people act out on that.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you're not ready to confront the fact that the vast majority of romantic relationships you will have will end, until one doesn't... And can't deal with sex being part of that... Don't go there.


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## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

Few thoughts:


One, this chick has crazy written all over her.

Second, alcohol was involved so anything goes. The people they were to start the night could change completely several drinks later.

Three, this is what happens when you get involved with strangers.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

And this is exactly why I will never date again.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OK, here are the two segments I heard yesterday and today:

#1: Female goes on 2 dates with male. Second date he stays over her place (nookie time) and went to breakfast the following morning. After that he goes ghost. So naturally, first thought is he got some booty and moved on. Radio station gets him on the phone, he enjoyed the time with Female BUT after breakfast she told him that she loved him. He was nowhere near feeling that for her, he thought they were just having fun and getting to know each other, so that scared him off. On the radio she insisted that she was in fact in love with him, but don't think that lead to another date...

#2: Male takes female out to lunch and then museum after (said he did the afternoon/daylight thing because he had some things to take care of at night). He had a great time, thought she did, but she won't return his calls/texts. Radio gets her on the phone, she says he basically rushed her the entire date. When they ordered lunch he was already asking for the check, at the museum every time she stopped to observe the displays he rushed her along. The guy finally chimes in, didn't see what the big deal was as museums are boring, but finally reveals part of the rush was because he had another date lined up later in the day lol. He didn't really like that female which is why he was following up with this one ... Needless to say, there won't be another date.

IDK, this whole adult dating thing is a head scratcher lol. I met my W in college so needless to say I never really had to deal with any of this stuff.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Yeah the whole adult dating world can be very daunting. There seem to be a whole lot of damaged folks trying to date. And then there are the ones who were crazy and/or asshats before they sustained whatever damage has accumulated over their personal relationship history. A lot of people just behave badly. In my admittedly brief experience, it helps if you're very self-aware, read other people well, and have excellent personal boundaries. So, know what you want and what you absolutely don't, pay attention to the reality of the people you meet instead of the fantasy you want to see, and be willing to move on without looking back if there's any weirdness you're iffy about.

It helps a whole lot if you're emotionally healthy and not afraid of being alone. A lot of the people in the dating world are neither of those things.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I find it scary that any person, especially a woman, would go alone somewhere with a person that they just met to have sex. Lots of crazies out there.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Funny, with today's call two people met on Tinder. Gal doesn't call guy back after date. According to the Gal, the guy lied on his profile. He stated he was 5'9" but when they met she believed he was closer to 5'6". She is 5'10" so height is a big deal to her, and according to her if his profile had been accurate she would have never agreed to go out in the first place. Probably not a great sign when someone you meet has already lied ... He tried to play it off as if he is closer to 5'9" but then even said he thought that once she met him she would like him so much that the height would be a non issue. 

I always wonder what the motivation is to lie on social media dating sites (stats, using old pictures, etc..) if the goal is to eventually meet people in person


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Funny, with today's call two people met on Tinder. Gal doesn't call guy back after date. According to the Gal, the guy lied on his profile. He stated he was 5'9" but when they met she believed he was closer to 5'6". She is 5'10" so height is a big deal to her, and according to her if his profile had been accurate she would have never agreed to go out in the first place. Probably not a great sign when someone you meet has already lied ... He tried to play it off as if he is closer to 5'9" but then even said he thought that once she met him she would like him so much that the height would be a non issue.
> 
> I always wonder what the motivation is to lie on social media dating sites (stats, using old pictures, etc..) if the goal is to eventually meet people in person


Several of the gentlemen I met doing online dating had "rounded up" on their stated height by at least a couple inches. I actually don't care all that much about height, but I'm nearly 5'9" myself, so I'm going to notice if a guy is a couple inches shorter than his stated 5'10". 

One man I had a first date with lied about the number of children he had. A couple of them lied about being single.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

jld said:


> If that is what was going on, she definitely dodged a bullet.


Seriously. 

I am thinking that more than likely he just didn't feel any chemistry or the sex sucked. They are both adults and both consented to sex. He may have tricked her but I think more likely he went with it and wasn't into it. Or she displayed some signs of crazy (given how she is threatening to stalk him, etc).


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> OK, here are the two segments I heard yesterday and today:
> 
> #1: Female goes on 2 dates with male. Second date he stays over her place (nookie time) and went to breakfast the following morning. After that he goes ghost. So naturally, first thought is he got some booty and moved on. Radio station gets him on the phone, he enjoyed the time with Female BUT after breakfast she told him that she loved him. He was nowhere near feeling that for her, he thought they were just having fun and getting to know each other, so that scared him off. On the radio she insisted that she was in fact in love with him, but don't think that lead to another date...
> 
> ...


Yep this is adult dating my experience. It's a cluster but so long as you don't take it very seriously hella entertaining :smile2:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Funny, with today's call two people met on Tinder. Gal doesn't call guy back after date. According to the Gal, the guy lied on his profile. He stated he was 5'9" but when they met she believed he was closer to 5'6". She is 5'10" so height is a big deal to her, and according to her if his profile had been accurate she would have never agreed to go out in the first place. Probably not a great sign when someone you meet has already lied ... He tried to play it off as if he is closer to 5'9" but then even said he thought that once she met him she would like him so much that the height would be a non issue.
> 
> I always wonder what the motivation is to lie on social media dating sites (stats, using old pictures, etc..) if the goal is to eventually meet people in person


Just not thinking ahead. Met more than a few women who lied about their weight. Like somehow I'm just not going to notice :surprise: 

Internet dating = lying


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Just not thinking ahead. Met more than a few women who lied about their weight. Like somehow I'm just not going to notice :surprise:
> 
> Internet dating = lying


I think people lie on online dating profiles about the things they're personally very self-conscious about. Women tend to use more flattering pictures - so younger and slimmer. Men tend to use more flattering pictures - so younger and with more of their now-missing hair. Tall women tend to feel conspicuous about being tall, so they round their height down an inch or two. Shorter men tend to feel conspicuous about being short, so they round their height up an inch or two. 

Everyone's into fitness activities, long walks on the beach and honesty. 

Truly, I think a fair amount of all this is as much the result of self-delusion as of intentional deceit. But there's plenty of the latter in any case.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Everyone's into fitness activities, long walks on the beach and honesty.


Doh ... guess I need to make changes to my fake online profile  

The call today they go back to her place after the date, they were having such a good time she decided to offer him some acid (the reason why he never called her back). On the phone she said they were having such a great time on this world so she wanted to take him to some place magical! Haha!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Rowan said:


> I think people lie on online dating profiles about the things they're personally very self-conscious about. Women tend to use more flattering pictures - so younger and slimmer. Men tend to use more flattering pictures - so younger and with more of their now-missing hair. Tall women tend to feel conspicuous about being tall, so they round their height down an inch or two. Shorter men tend to feel conspicuous about being short, so they round their height up an inch or two.
> 
> Everyone's into fitness activities, long walks on the beach and honesty.
> 
> Truly, I think a fair amount of all this is as much the result of self-delusion as of intentional deceit. But there's plenty of the latter in any case.


Could be either and likely both. I did have a woman show up overweight by a great deal, probably 50 lbs, What she stated was that she was average for America which is why she put average instead of overweight lol. Clearly delusional and that becomes way more the issue than just telling the truth. I was told when I started online dating that men lie about income and height and women age and weight. I can say that I have found both to be accurate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Could be either and likely both. I did have a woman show up overweight by a great deal, probably 50 lbs, What she stated was that she was average for America which is why she put average instead of overweight lol. Clearly delusional and that becomes way more the issue than just telling the truth. * I was told when I started online dating that men lie about income and height and women age and weight. I can say that I have found both to be accurate.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You dated men who lied about their income and height?

>


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> You dated men who lied about their income and height?
> 
> >


Not personally but my female friends did 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, so here is an interesting one that I think fits in well with some of the threads here at TAM:

Guy (lets call him Arbitrator) goes out with Gal (lets call her Blondilocks) on two dates. First date they meet up for drinks, it goes well enough they agree to go have dinner as a second date. After second date Blondilocks goes ghost on Arbitrator, so he calls radio station to get answers b/c he thought the date were just magical. They get Blondilocks on the phone and her two main issues for not calling back after the second date:

1) Arbitrator took her to Qdoba (I guess comparable to a Chipolte) for their second date. Why would he take her to basically a fast food restaurant on their second date????

2) After they ordered their food and got to the register, he told her that she needed to pay. He paid for drinks the first date so he felt it was her turn to pay. She did pay but had a real issue with this.

So ... thoughts, is Blondilocks justified???? The whole paying thing is interesting because you hear/read more and more about how women can/want to pay their own way, but this isn't the first time I have heard of a female getting offended that they were expected to pay, so seems like a bit of a mixed message out there.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Alright, so here is an interesting one that I think fits in well with some of the threads here at TAM:
> 
> ...


Of course she ghosted him. Arbitrator is cheap.

You say that Arbitrator "took" her to Qdoba. So he asked. He should expect to pay. It would be nice if she offered to pay or pay half, but he should be prepared to pay. If he's got a problem with this then don't date her again.

And going to Qdoba for a dinner date is really, really weak.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Buddy400 said:


> Of course she ghosted him. Arbitrator is cheap.
> 
> You say that Arbitrator "took" her to Qdoba. So he asked. He should expect to pay. It would be nice if she offered to pay or pay half, but he should be prepared to pay. If he's got a problem with this then don't date her again.
> 
> And going to Qdoba for a dinner date is really, really weak.


The impression I got from the call was that they never discussed where to go to eat, he just picked her up at her home and drove her to Qdoba. They both had agreed to do a second date.

For me personally, I would always go in with the expectation that I am paying for the meal.

Completely agreed on the dinner date being weak ...


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Sounds like he was just trying to get a free meal.

If you did the asking you do the paying. 

The morning show I listen to has the same skit. Can be pretty comical. 

People are crazy.

Nearly every episode ends with each saying "I've had better", "I've had bigger", etc.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Hmmm ... so this is the call from this morning ... would be interested to hear thoughts, especially for those who are single with children:

Gal and Dude go out. She has a 5yr old kid which he is cool with (they actually met via the kid, I think in the grocery store parking lot the kid was putting back the shopping cart and slammed into the guy). According to her, the date was awesome. After dinner they went back to her place, he seemed really comfortable around her child, she hasn't heard back from him in 2 weeks. Radio station get guy on phone, and his issue was ...

He thought date went great, went back to her place, and she wanted to go to her bedroom for some adult festivities. His problem, her 5yr old son was asleep in the next room over (as he put it, the headboard to her bed was actually up against the wall where her son's room was). On top of that, walking into her room he stepped on Thomas trains on the floor. Basically, it was a mood killer, and he thought a bit inappropriate given the situation and them just meeting (didn't have issues in general with the idea of sex, just that she seemed ok with it with her son the room over). She was fine with as she stated her son had been asleep for 30 minutes and is a heavy sleeper, so he would never hear anything ...

Alright, so I guess questions/thoughts:

- In general, would you want to have a stranger interacting with your child (i.e. this being a first date)?

- I am sure there will be opinions in general on having sex on the first date, but how about having sex on the first date with your child sleeping next door? If she is bringing guys home to have sex with on the first date, with her kid there, in general would that raise a red flag?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sounds greatly like that both of them just "hedonistically" needed a piece of "trim" so badly, that the element of ONS's or even "shame" itself, simply wasn't a part of the equation!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My son is 16. He met my SO for the first time after we'd been dating for 6 months. And it was for a simple dinner out and back to his house to watch a movie before my son and I went home. Interactions with my son and SO became fairly frequent after that, but we didn't spend the night with my son in the same house until a couple months later. And that's with a 16 year old who had been hearing about mom's boyfriend in general terms for months and had actually asked to meet him. 

There is zero chance that I would invite a man to my home on a first date, child or no. I also don't have sex on a first date, so that would be a no from that angle as well, for me personally. And I certainly would _never_ allow any man to meet my young child until we were in an established and stable relationship of at least several months duration. I just think it's a bad idea to bring random strangers you're just hooking up with around your kids.

I do find it interesting, though, that the guy seems to regard her inviting him home for sex with her child there as a huge red-flag, but not such a red flag that he turned down the sex.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Rowan said:


> such a red flag that he turned down the sex.


 @EllisRedding 

So, did they have sex, or not?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Buddy400 said:


> @EllisRedding
> 
> So, did they have sex, or not?


No they did not. He didn't say on the call how he turned down her offer though, but she obviously wasn't offended since she is the one who wanted a second date and called the radio station.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> No they did not. He didn't say on the call how he turned down her offer though, but she obviously wasn't offended since she is the one who wanted a second date and called the radio station.


Ah, my mistake. I thought they'd had sex and he just hadn't called her back. Well, good for him for actually matching actions to words! That's rarer than it should be.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OK, here are two calls, one hits on the topic of Nice Guy and one that I think hits on the topic of OSF:

Call #1: Folks meet via tinder. Due to scheduling conflicts it takes them nearly 3 months to actually meet for a date. They end up going on 3 dates, after third date female never calls back. Guy is confused, thought dates went great. When asked if there was any romance on the dates he noted that he really liked her and wanted to be a gentlemen, so didn't want to be aggressive in pushing any sort of physical contact at the start. All 3 dates he paid for. Radio gets woman on phone. She mentions that she just thought they were friends, she had actually met someone else before they went on the first date. She had no issue accepting 3 free meals, said she thought they were just meeting as friends (um, they met via Tinder) and even took a dig at the guy on the phone that maybe he should have tried something on her.

Call #2: Two people dating for almost 2 months, guy goes ghost after attending a family gather of the female. Radio station gets the guy on the phone, his issue was that every single one of her friends was a guy, To top it off though, she would kiss her guy friends on the lips (she stated it was just friendly kisses, no tongue action), supposedly was very touchy feely with them, and one guy even smacked her on the ass. Female defends herself, these guys are nothing more then friends, just very affectionate towards each other, and he is just being completely insecure...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

tech-novelist said:


> This is known as "ASD", for "anti-**** defense". Almost no girl wants to be known as "that kind of girl", so virtually every girl will say "I don't do things like that." The correct answer for a player is "I don't either", followed by continuing whatever was going on.
> 
> A girl who *really *isn't into ONS doesn't sleep with a guy the first night she meets him.


So obvious!

What was the hurry on her part? 

*She IS into ONS's*, does not want to admit it. She told him [this] hoping that *HE WOULD NOT *push the ONS issue. She is weak, knows it and relied on HIS honor [restraint?] to keep her virtuous.

She is fighting herself, her own demons and moral contradictions. Again, she is weak. She is having [issues] over hard moral issues with her existing soft moral eschews. No typo.

She obviously *cannot re-strain herself*, re-train herself, re-frain herself. 

She should be angry at herself. She cannot do that because she does not either: know herself, accept herself.

Yes, part of her wants to change. It will change when she gets a spine.

Blaming HIM [men] is the biggest part of her problem.

There ARE nice guys out there who would listen to her Spoken Words, not her Body Words. The Bar Dude was not one of them.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> OK, here are two calls, one hits on the topic of Nice Guy and one that I think hits on the topic of OSF:
> 
> Call #1: Folks meet via tinder. Due to scheduling conflicts it takes them nearly 3 months to actually meet for a date. They end up going on 3 dates, after third date female never calls back. Guy is confused, thought dates went great. When asked if there was any romance on the dates he noted that he really liked her and wanted to be a gentlemen, so didn't want to be aggressive in pushing any sort of physical contact at the start. All 3 dates he paid for. Radio gets woman on phone. She mentions that she just thought they were friends, she had actually met someone else before they went on the first date. She had no issue accepting 3 free meals, said she thought they were just meeting as friends (um, they met via Tinder) and even took a dig at the guy on the phone that maybe he should have tried something on her.
> 
> Call #2: Two people dating for almost 2 months, guy goes ghost after attending a family gather of the female. Radio station gets the guy on the phone, his issue was that every single one of her friends was a guy, To top it off though, she would kiss her guy friends on the lips (she stated it was just friendly kisses, no tongue action), supposedly was very touchy feely with them, and one guy even smacked her on the ass. Female defends herself, these guys are nothing more then friends, just very affectionate towards each other, and he is just being completely insecure...


Short answer for call #1: If you don't try something on an early date, the woman will lose interest in you... but not in your resources.
Short answer for call #2: She is an attention wh0re at the very least. He was right to ghost her.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> So obvious!
> 
> What was the hurry on her part?
> 
> ...


And the nice guys who would listen to her spoken words wouldn't get to first base with her.

What women do is more important than what they say.


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