# Trying to avoid a "real" separation



## MrPink (May 23, 2012)

It's been 3 weeks since she said she wants to separate. Together 18 years married 11. and she is my life!

She didn't tell me to get my own place, but suggested it might be best and left it up to me. Since we have 2 young kids and she has been through a lot of stress and just needed some time to breathe. I decided not to move out and just take turns staying at parents or freinds houses and one night a week at home but sleeping on the couch.

She has agreed to MC but we have only been to one appointment so far. By now I was hoping she would have been able to take a step towards repairing our marriage and finding each other again, but she just says she has been unhappy and doesn't think we can be happy together. 

She is saying for now she will continue to do whatever I want and keep "living out of our bags" and taking turns with the house and kids, but I know she wants me to get my own place and I'm still not ready for that. I keep thinking there is hope and we can avoid having to do a real timely and expensive separation. I don't want to rip our family apart if we can work through this under the same roof "kind of". 

am I delousional?

There has been no cheating, drug dependencies, or even fighting. Just unhappiness and not enough focus on her.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Mr. Pink. You've been trying so hard.

Are you the only one trying?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

MrPink said:


> am I delousional?


I don't know about delusional, but I think you're being too nice. If she wants to separate, help her pack her shyte. You need to stop living out of a bag. Also, no more couch...you sleep in your bed. If she doesn't want to be next to you, she can go find the sofa. Don't be a dyck about any of this, but just tell her in a neutral tone that you've decided to live in YOUR house and sleep in YOUR bed.


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## MrPink (May 23, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Oh, Mr. Pink. You've been trying so hard.
> 
> Are you the only one trying?


She has agreed to go to MC. She is not closing the door on our marriage, but she is still not sure if its what she wants. 

So no she is not trying to get back together, she is not at that stage yet. She said she had hoped that by now she would have been more willing to get back together, but she just doesn't feel it.

I'm just trying to be strong, but dont want to put more distance between us than we have.


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## MrPink (May 23, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> I don't know about delusional, but I think you're being too nice. If she wants to separate, help her pack her shyte. You need to stop living out of a bag. Also, no more couch...you sleep in your bed. If she doesn't want to be next to you, she can go find the sofa. Don't be a dyck about any of this, but just tell her in a neutral tone that you've decided to live in YOUR house and sleep in YOUR bed.


I know you don't know my wife, but she is very strong and hard headed. If I did that it would just piss her off and it would start to get ugly. I'm the one that made her unhappy, and I'm the one that keeps apologizing and wanting to make serious changes. So far we have been very civil and not fought... at all. I prefer to keep it that way. It hasn't been an ugly break up. Just a realization that she is not happy with me. She still loves me and we are still great friends because that is what our relationship has always been founded on.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

How is it all your fault?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

MrPink said:


> I'm the one that made her unhappy, and I'm the one that keeps apologizing and wanting to make serious changes.


It's good that you recognize your mistakes and that you want to make changes, but IMHO you should stop apologizing. If you've given her one sincere apology for your part in making her unhappy, you don't need to do it again.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

What was her childhood like?


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

MrPink said:


> I know you don't know my wife, but she is very strong and hard headed. If I did that it would just piss her off and it would start to get ugly. I'm the one that made her unhappy, and I'm the one that keeps apologizing and wanting to make serious changes. So far we have been very civil and not fought... at all. I prefer to keep it that way. It hasn't been an ugly break up. Just a realization that she is not happy with me. She still loves me and we are still great friends because that is what our relationship has always been founded on.


I understand that, but agree with thunderstruck here. SHE wants the separation, so SHE should be sleeping on the couch/moving out. Always amazes me that you get these spouses wanting separation....and they go making demands on the other already beleagured soul to move out, sleep on the couch etc.

Its early stages for you...and most definately you are in "fix it " mode; blaming yourself for everything, obviously walking on eggshells etc. Its been said a million times on here - but worth saying again - that strategy is likely to get you nowhere other than hurting yourself more. I'm not saying don't do it if you think it'll help...but please do know your odds are not good.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

MrPink said:


> There has been no cheating


Mr. Pink, according to one of your other posts your wife is texting with a man and she is refusing to disclose his identity. Have you figured out who this person is? here is the post you made in the other thread that I'm referring to



MrPink said:


> So, yes she found an emotional friend recently. She has talked and texted him but assures me they are just friends and she hasn't done anything wrong. The only othe thing she would share with me is that I don't know him. I know she is getting some kind of attention I have not been there to give her, but after being with this woman all my life I am very confident that it has only been an emotional relationship. We just know each other too well and I know I could tell if there was something else.


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