# NoWhere's Journal



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Figured since I keep posting I probably need my own thread. 
My house closing got pushed off another day. Now my Stbxw just sent me a email just acting all sweet and stuff like nothing is going on. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks how she is in the arms of another man and after 13 years I mean nothing to her, but a friend she once loved. This hurts so much. I don't want to go home and have to see her face again. Now I have to for another day. Pretending like all is fine while all I want is to plead and beg not to let this all happen. blah blah blah. 
I feel like getting piss drunk right now and breaking things.

I don't see how you people with children get through seeing your ex over and over. 
I just want to grab her in my arms and hold her, kiss her and take her away with me.
I hate myself for thinking like this. I thought I was mostly passed it.

She wants to know if I want to go to dinner tomorrow night. Just best buddies who were once intimate so why not. /sarcasm I'm sure she is extremely happy to have this new great guy and be rid of the devoted husband (me) who wants nothing more then to be by her side, love and protect her and remain faithful to his vows. This hurts so damn much. 

Someone just put me out of my misery already.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

the kid part is the hardest because you have to talk to the one your trying to detach from, thats me, how long have you been separated


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

We still have not separated yet and are living together. Though the divorce should be final by Dec. Its just tough seeing her everyday. I still love her deeply and she shows no signs of loving me the same since there is another man in the picture. She of course lies to herself about our past to make her decision easier, but all I can remember is the great moments with her. And with this other guy I'm suffering through some real self esteem issues. 
Its just so hard to let go after such a long time. We never really had major issues.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

"I'm not ok playing husband and wife while you are with posOM"


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

NoWhere, I'm sorry man. I know it's rough. We're all in our own situations so when you hear it from us, you know we fell your pain. 

At this moment, I'm still separated and even tho when I see her every other day for a few min's to an hour she still acts like "we haven't been separated" I've stopped txting mine. She texted me last night 3 times/ 4 times? I think. I responded twice. 

I know it's tough. Mine WAS saying the "I love you but not like 'that'" (she never said THE phrase.. always put it like that" Then the other day she said "I don't love you anymore" .... htat one hurt. I asked "at all?" she said "Well, maybe as a person" 

It hurts. I know. It sucks. Just stay on the path and keep on the site, don't let it get to you so much. If you have a way to go out, DO IT DO IT DO IT... stop setting at home man. That's what my problem was...I couldn't force myself to go anywhere and do anything. 

Good luck, I hope you get to feeling better soon.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Dewayne76 I feel for you man, be strong , write here and stay on 180 no matter what.



> At this moment, I'm still separated and even tho when I see her every other day for a few min's to an hour she still acts like "we haven't been separated" I've stopped txting mine. She texted me last night 3 times/ 4 times? I think. I responded twice.
> 
> I know it's tough. Mine WAS saying the "I love you but not like 'that'" (she never said THE phrase.. always put it like that" Then the other day she said "I don't love you anymore" .... htat one hurt. I asked "at all?" she said "Well, maybe as a person"


The Plan B Syndrome


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks Dewayne76 

I'm days away from moving out for good. I'm going to cut contact with her completely and try and move on. I'm trying not to think about what I'm going to do when I am finally all alone. As much as it hurts to see her everyday I'd lie if I didn't say I'm happy when she pulls into the driveway every night. Its hard to explain. As much as I tell myself its over and as much as it hurts me I just want to stay with her and fix everything. I don't want this to end. Not now. Not like this.

Her dumping me for another man hurts me a lot. I end up asking what is wrong with me? Am I ugly, boring etc. I should know better, but I can't help myself.

I hope things get better for you as well. That's tough when you love someone so much for so long and they just flatly say they don't love you.


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## Broken84 (Oct 30, 2012)

NoWhere, I am really sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't be able to imagine still living with my STBXW while another man is in the picture. My wifemis staying at her friends place for now, and comes home once a day to pick up things (10 minutes) and leaves. Its hard going through that even. 

I have been thinking of going to LA Boxing one day just so I can let off some steam on punching bags... Something active, or daring, makes you feel good about yourself. I have self esteem issues since I was young, and you should look for every opportunity to bring yourself up. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and I write poems to let it out. Its not good to hold in things, they will eventually trigger an explosion. Thats what started my entire mess. The explosion.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm days away from moving out for good. I'm going to cut contact with her completely and try and move on. I'm trying not to think about what I'm going to do when I am finally all alone. As much as it hurts to see her everyday I'd lie if I didn't say I'm happy when she pulls into the driveway every night. Its hard to explain. As much as I tell myself its over and as much as it hurts me I just want to stay with her and fix everything. I don't want this to end. Not now. Not like this..


Dude, I feel your pain... but just know that when you do go NC each day will get a little bit easier. Having to see her everyday must be torture - I don't think I would be able to handle that, as much as I still care for my H-that-was (I say that cause he has def turned into someone who he wasn't before) it would tear me apart having to see him everyday - that's why I high-tailed it as soon as I could.

And it is scarey wondering what you will do when you're finally alone but that too will fade with time. Do you have friends you can hang out/reconnect with? That's been a real help for me - even thou I'm introverted the few friends I've reconnected with have helped me a ton, if not giving me advice but just being there and being able to take my mind off the whole situation. And it's also a good time to get into things you've put off/haven't gotten to do and have been wanting to.




NoWhere said:


> Her dumping me for another man hurts me a lot. I end up asking what is wrong with me? Am I ugly, boring etc. I should know better, but I can't help myself.


I think these are normal thoughts, I've had the same ones, but I now see that they are really dumb thoughts!!! If they were true then what attracted her to you in the 1st place? I for one don't specifically go out seeking ugly boring people and I'm sure she didn't either. Chin up, man! You're better than those silly thoughts!!!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know man. I know. Mine even told me that she believes me when I say I'm not gonna be that way anymore, but I know it doesn't have anything to do with her leaving / cheating, but she says then "But I don't want you, even with you being so much better"

We just have to stick together through these times and get past things. Who knows, maybe our women just need to get things out. My first fiance called me up 7 years later, after my wife adn I got together, and told me how bad of a mistake it was and all that. Said none of it was my fault etc etc. GAWD I don't want this to turn out to be that same situation. 

I think I'm afraid to move on... because of that. I don't want to be in that situation again.... I'm afraid that if I do, I'll get past loving her just enough to be happy and then BAM... comes back arms open. BUt man, we can't keep thinking about it. We have to just press on and go day by day. The things about getting a hobby, old or new, is FOR US... .. you gotta keep busy and let things make us happy again, not people. Even for just a few moments. Let some time pass by. I'm gonna go check out tattoos in a bit and grab a model car and some paint  Don't have a place to do it really becuase I'm leaving my mom's. 

We had a fight last night... over? Check this out. She texted me and said "What do you want for supper?" so a few texts later, after I told her what i'd like she went "ehhh" So I said "LOL wtf mom, just cook what you want haha".... she was PISSED and when I got here she said "I've been talked to for 34 years and i AINT TAKING IT NO MORE" I said "Good gawd mom, wth I'm not dad and that aint the same what's wrong with you?" 

So yeah, I'm leaving mom's. Live in my truck probably. 
Well, take care and try to keep happy thoughts man.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dewayne76 said:


> NoWhere, I'm sorry man. I know it's rough. We're all in our own situations so when you hear it from us, you know we fell your pain.
> 
> At this moment, I'm still separated and even tho when I see her every other day for a few min's to an hour she still acts like "we haven't been separated" I've stopped txting mine. She texted me last night 3 times/ 4 times? I think. I responded twice.
> 
> ...


And you allow her to talk that way to you?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

OK I'm really about to lose it. The closing was suppose to be today on my house, after they have already pushed it back from yesterday. Now about 2 hours before the closing time my banker tells my realtor I need to get the windows caulked. Are you kidding me?!?!

I so much want to call him and give him a piece of my mind. I've already re-scheduled so many things and now will have to do it again. 

The realtor said the banker dropped the ball on this. Nice. Like I need all of this now. Its like my life is in limbo with all my things in boxes gathering dust. 

Sorry just venting!


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Keep venting, I am in your corner and like the chatter. You will not understand this but, You are a better MAN than this woman is. You are worth more, you have more value, you are head and sholders above her and you can do MUCH BETTER than her.
Now you are in pain because your are thinking with your heart and not your head. I understand, really, but you are going to come out the otherside of this much stronger. Keep posting


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Well just got the call. Now the closing is tomorrow. Just want to move on with my life. Now I'll have more time to live with the Soon to be legally X wife.  

I love calling appliance deliverers,TV installers multiple times to reschedule delivery. Goes hand in hand with calling my friend again and asking if he can help me move yet another day. Oh joy.

In case you don't have your _sarcasm decoder ring_™. The above is sarcasm with a dash of annoyance, a splash of bleakness and a pinch of solemn surrender to the forces of the world that apparently enjoy slapping me around.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hey NW - just wanted to see how you were doing and how the closing went... hope everything turned out ok!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hey NW - just wanted to see how you were doing and how the closing went... hope everything turned out ok!


It went fine. They managed to get everything ready and I closed yesterday about 5. 
Was moving stuff till about 1am. Then today I ate some breakfast and moved from 8 am till a few minutes ago non stop.. (9pm ) Skipped lunch and picked up a burger on my way home. Needless to say I'm dead tired, but happy to say I'm laying here in my bed in my new house typing this while my dogs are snacking on some treats. Got upset a few times while moving, but now I'm too tired to feel anything but my whole body aching. Ouch! I can barely walk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Take a good night sleep , tomorrow when you get up take a hot shower , as hot as you can hold. Don't drink alcohol.
Hope you feel better .


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So glad the closing finally went thru for you!!!

I hope you enjoy your new place, too.

Moving really sucks but the reward for your hard work is worth it - just try and take it easy today, unless you're like me and can't stand to have boxes everywhere so you feel the need to get totally unpacked asap - if that's the case, hang in there but don't wear yourself out too much.

Remember to take some time for yourself and your doggies!

Keep us posted as to how everythings going...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That's me! Can't stop till everything is unpacked. Almost done with only a few more boxes left. Still have to pickup some more stuff from the stbx home. Was tough today going back and seeing the 
place so empty. Hopefully I won't have to do it many more times. Have a few more things to get. Then I'm cutting contact. It drives me crazy how she acts so nice and normal like we are just best friends after she broke up our marriage, betrayed me and drove up a mountain of debt.

New place is starting to look like a home now. Though I need to buy some more furniture to fill the place up some.
Not to mention tons of little things I need. Luckily I've been so busy It's kept my mind off things for the most part
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## atari (Nov 6, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That's me! Can't stop till everything is unpacked. Almost done with only a few more boxes left. Still have to pickup some more stuff from the stbx home. Was tough today going back and seeing the
> place so empty. Hopefully I won't have to do it many more times. Have a few more things to get. Then I'm cutting contact. It drives me crazy how she acts so nice and normal like we are just best friends after she broke up our marriage, betrayed me and drove up a mountain of debt.
> 
> New place is starting to look like a home now. Though I need to buy some more furniture to fill the place up some.
> ...


Dude I am going through the same thing right now, I will be putting up a post on my situation soon. New apartment, empty place, need furniture.. and a wife who betrayed me, broke up our marriage and drove me into huge debt. 

<bro hug>


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

How you doing, NW?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> How you doing, NW?


So so. Wife texted me she wanted the key and garage opener back today which kind of stung. Instead of responding I drove over there while she was at work and placed them both on the kitchen counter. Closed the garage door and ducked under it. 

Also had to take the puppies to their new vet this morning. I'm such a wuss when it comes to those guys. Hate leaving them anywhere.

Other then that I still have 2 things to move then I'm done. One was a huge 75 gallon salt water aquarium which I just gave away to someone instead of moving it. Just have to meet the guy this next weekend so he can grab it. The other thing is a antique car which i will need a flatbed truck for. The sooner I get those the better. Then I don't have to contact the stbx anymore ever.

I've still been running around like crazy trying to get stuff done, but sometimes at night I just get lonely. I guess that is to be expected. I need to get back to shopping for stuff I need. With work, trying to get back to my exercise routine, dinner and walking my dogs I don't really have the time. So I suppose I'll have to do what I can during the weekends.

My Stbx's dad got her a ton of new furniture and our house looks so great now. I imagine its exciting and fresh for her. Doesn't seem like she misses me at all and the new furniture and look probably helps persuade her she made the right decision. I guess I wanted her to be miserable and miss me. I suppose I'm the only one heartbroken in this relationship. I wonder if her boyfriend is already waiting to move in so they can start their new life together. 

I was cleaning up my file cabinet last night and found where I had cut out the newspaper clipping of our marriage. Really caused me to breakdown. 

Between these fleeting moments of loneliness and feeling of loss for the most part I've kept so busy and haven't been depressed.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I feel ya man. It seems you're taking it better than I am. I moved yesterday and still some today. I spent the day with the stbx... wow, that hurts even typing that.... 

I know it's gotta suck and hurt pretty bad seeing the house like that. Sounds like you guys were doing well. It has to be harder on you in that sense. I don't know man. People... are strange. I sure hope like he11 you find someone to treat you better. You seem cool on here, of course that only goes so far, right? But still, everyone deserves to be treated respectfully and to be happy. 

Hope things get better for ya soon. 

D


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Really feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick here. She has all new furniture while my house is pretty empty with only a few pieces of some old junk furniture. On top of that I still have to help her pay off a credit card she promised years ago was torn up. So on top of trying to just get the little day to day things I need to live. I have to pay her money for that stupid card she drove up. 

Been thinking about just saying screw it and getting financing for some new furniture. I have always been very responsible financially. Don't even have credit cards because I always would just pay for something out and out, but now I'm thinking what has being responsible got me? Had I been out blowing money like she was she would now be paying half my debt. I think maybe I want some nice new furniture for a variety of reasons. Some good some maybe bad. To help fill out my new house and make me feel better, but also maybe inside I despise that her stuff is nicer then mine now or I'm thinking buying new stuff will make me happy and really won't.

Found out today she still hasn't moved the bills to her account so I just paid her water and electric bill through automatic withdraw. Wrote a long nasty email to her, but decided not to send it. Instead just told her what was up and I'm waiting for a response.

Also I remember reading someones thread here, but I did that waking up in the middle of the night after dreaming about the wife thing. I really need to move on. However while I'm refraining from drinking for fear it will become a crutch for how I'm feeling I also don't want to drive myself into debt buying a bunch of stuff in hopes it will make me feel better. 

Any of that make sense or am I rambling? Everything just seems so overwhelming right now. Being in a strange place, strange drive to work, going home to a mostly empty house. All the familiarity of simple things like going to the same grocery store etc is lost.
Then she will send me a email like yesterday followed by "Hope you and the puppies are doing ok?" ... Ughh. No we are not doing ok! thanks for ruining my life and making me start over at this age! Hope your happy with your new home, furniture and lover. You selfish, alcoholic backstabbing sorry excuse for a human being!

And no I did not send that, but this all just makes me so angry and upset sometimes and other times I'm just extremely sad. I didn't want a new life and I don't want any other women. Even after all she has done. Just not feeling the optimism today.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

No, it makes sense bro. You WANT to feel better, and you're curious what it will be. Go buy some small things. GO OUT TO EAT at a new restaurant. Or w/e.. just don't go WEHRE YOU USE TO... 

Go do something small so if you don't feel better, it's not a lot of money. I Hope you get to feeling better. My day's not going so well either. 

Take care bro.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Really feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick here. She has all new furniture while my house is pretty empty with only a few pieces of some old junk furniture. On top of that I still have to help her pay off a credit card she promised years ago was torn up. So on top of trying to just get the little day to day things I need to live. I have to pay her money for that stupid card she drove up.
> 
> Been thinking about just saying screw it and getting financing for some new furniture. I have always been very responsible financially. Don't even have credit cards because I always would just pay for something out and out, but now I'm thinking what has being responsible got me? Had I been out blowing money like she was she would now be paying half my debt. I think maybe I want some nice new furniture for a variety of reasons. Some good some maybe bad. To help fill out my new house and make me feel better, but also maybe inside I despise that her stuff is nicer then mine now or I'm thinking buying new stuff will make me happy and really won't.
> 
> ...


Oh, NW, chin up babydoll!!! (((((((HUGS)))))))

First I'm going to say - don't go racking up a ton of debt for furniture cause you think it might make you feel better - cause it won't! If anything it'll make you feel worse and you'll have the guilt of racking up much un needed debt.

Instead, you should take immense pride in that fact that what you do have - you got for yourself. You worked hard and you have the fruits of your labor to show for it. Her family buying her a bunch of sh!t for her shows what? It shows that she still hasn't grown up, that she can't take care of herself - she has to rely on other people to do that for her. Where is the pride in that??? Hint: there is none.

Yes, you did get the raw end of the stick but we must work with what we're given and despite the situation you seem to be handling it pretty decently I must say.

As for her not switching the bills - do you know her account #'s? If so contact them and tell the companies that you are giving them the new billing information for the accounts. If you don't have her account # then you (and this works if BOTH your names were on said bills cause this is what I did with my STBXH) can contact the water and electric dept's and tell them simply that you and STBXW are seperating and you're name and info needs to be taken off the account, that the automatic billing needs to be cancelled and that paper billing in STBXW needs to commence immediately billed to STBXW's mailing address. As I said, that's what I did and the process was quick and painless.

And please, no drinking or debt driving up please. When you feel yourself getting low go out and do something with the pups - our pups always have a way of being able to cheer us up no matter what.

I,know it's hard being in a new place and new surroundings, but trust me when I say that it will get a little bit easier every day. And each day that you don't have contact with her will help you in feeling that much better every day. It'll take time - but it will happen. Time to march forward with your head held high my dear, time to keep on keeping on!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> And please, no drinking or debt driving up please. When you feel yourself getting low go out and do something with the pups - our pups always have a way of being able to cheer us up no matter what.


Yes I don't know what I would do without them. My Stbx mailed me about those bills and said and I quote "Ummm well you kind of owe for that since you stayed at the house during the month of October. But if you want to be like that then just do what you want"

I'm in tears right now. All the stress of moving, buying a new house, being uprooted from my life and being alone is hitting me like a lead brick right now.

How after so long a time can I mean nothing to this women. I feel so insecure and worthless right now. Luckily in a week and a half I'll be off all Thanksgiving week. Though that may be a bad thing. I have no friends, that aren't hers, and will have nothing to do. I feel so insecure right now as if no one would ever want me. 

The urge to just go this weekend and buy all the furniture I want is overwhelming. As is the urge to go home and crack open a bottle of wine. While I do have a full rack of wine I still don't have any wine glasses. I will not drink it from a plastic cup.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Well, go buy YOU a chair then. Pick one chair, and make it yours and buy it, if you have to. 

you seem to be getting torn apart again. Same as me. I'm moved, pretty much. Have my dvd's, have my computer, um. that, that's about it I guess. I have a few clothes. Most are scattered tho, i can't tell you how many pants I have here, nor shirts. Pff, underwear? I think I have 2 here. 

I don't know where the stuff's at and I can't bring myself to go back to the house. I'm trying full NC... hurts. 

Maybe you just need to take a short drive somewhere, get out for a while. Listen to some rock / heavy metal etc. get your mind off things. Get busy, ya know. 

I hope you start feeling better soon.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes I do feel like I'm having a bad night/day. I have a bunch of movies, but don't feel like watching any of them. Like rock and other good music, but don't feel like listening to any. Really I just want to breakdown right now.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

well bro, go grab you a big ol stuffed teddy bear and let it out. CRYING is a HUMAN trait... not just for kids or girls. Real men cry. wtf, did I just say that? lol. 

But seriously, breaking down is sometime necessary. Let it out bro.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well then darlin', have at it!

Sometimes it does us all good to let it out and have a good cry.

But once you're done - suck it up and start moving forward!

You have so many opportunites open to you now - you have a clean state to do/make whatever you want out of!

I understand about the lack of friends part. In reality I only have 3 myself and one of those 3 lives about 9 hours away...

Are there any community activities you can take part in where you're at? You know, kinda like what angelpixie does? I mean, I'm not suggesting you go do pole dancing exercise classes (unless you wanna, I'm not judging cause they do sound pretty cool to me) but something along those lines where you can meet people with similar interests? Or what about elective classes - in my area they have offer classes such as cooking, book reading, painting classes - stuff like that? Or even dog parks - take those cuties to one of those - you outta know by now how us women just fawn over men with adorable doggies!

To make friends you gotta put yourself out there, honey. And I know it's scarey to do that but really, what do we have to lose? You need to get your little butt out there and experience the world - you'll never forgive yourself if you don't.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm afraid it will be a long time before I can put myself out there. Right now I want someone and I don't want someone. Does that make sense? Plus I''m having serious self confidence issues right now. Probably due to being abandoned.

I've been so busy with the house and still have a ton to do. About the only room complete is the master bathroom. I guess I could just sit in there in the tub all day/night and blank the rest of the house out of my mind. 

Painting classes sound cool. Always wanted to paint. I know we have a Viking Range store that gives cooking classes. That might be nice. However a lot of that will have to wait. Right now I need to finish decorating and furnishing my house, pay off that credit card so I no longer have to deal with the X and rebuild my emergency fund I've depleted since this whole thing started.
If anybody would just like to send me a few hundred thousand just PM me. :smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm afraid it will be a long time before I can put myself out there. Right now I want someone and I don't want someone. Does that make sense? Plus I''m having serious self confidence issues right now. Probably due to being abandoned.


Oh I don't mean get out there and dating (yet...) - I mean get out there and make some new friends so you have other people to surround yourself with and help take your mind off the current situation.



NoWhere said:


> Painting classes sound cool. Always wanted to paint. I know we have a Viking Range store that gives cooking classes. That might be nice. However a lot of that will have to wait. Right now I need to finish decorating and furnishing my house, pay off that credit card so I no longer have to deal with the X and rebuild my emergency fund I've depleted since this whole thing started.
> If anybody would just like to send me a few hundred thousand just PM me. :smthumbup:


In the mean time you could collect some info on classes so when you finally do have the opportunity to attend them you'll be ready!

And as soon as you find someone to PM you money... would you mind setting aside a bit for me as well??


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Oh I don't mean get out there and dating (yet...) - I mean get out there and make some new friends so you have other people to surround yourself with and help take your mind off the current situation.


 I need to, but am clueless about meeting people. Always had this circle of friends for as long as I can remember and don't want anything to do with them now. I was hoping I'd meet people in classes or something. 



> And as soon as you find someone to PM you money... would you mind setting aside a bit for me as well??


That reminds me of my original plan after the divorce. Professional Gold Digger. Find me some 70 year old millionaire, marry her and when she croaks make bank. Then I figured with my luck she'd live to be a 120 and want sex everyday. Gross.  :rofl:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That reminds me of my original plan after the divorce. Professional Gold Digger. Find me some 70 year old millionaire, marry her and when she croaks make bank. Then I figured with my luck she'd live to be a 120 and want sex everyday. Gross.  :rofl:


:rofl: Thanks!!! I just spit Red Bull all over my keyboard while laughing my butt off on that one!!! Very funny - but I wouldn't want you to have to have gross old lady sex constantly either!!!


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That reminds me of my original plan after the divorce. Professional Gold Digger. Find me some 70 year old millionaire, marry her and when she croaks make bank. Then I figured with my luck she'd live to be a 120 and want sex everyday. Gross.  :rofl:


That has been my plan for a while now too. Just take one for the team for a few years. What do you have to wait, 10 years? I have confidence you can make with daily sex with an 80 year old for 10 years. You will be fine :rofl:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> - but I wouldn't want you to have to have gross old lady sex constantly either!!!


 At least not for anything under 10 million


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> At least not for anything under 10 million


:rofl:

Hey! Everybody's got a price, baby! You just gotta determine what yours is!!! 

Glad it's over 10 mil - but don't foget about that darn Death Tax - always make sure you compensate for that!!!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I need to, but am clueless about meeting people. Always had this circle of friends for as long as I can remember and don't want anything to do with them now. I was hoping I'd meet people in classes or something.
> 
> 
> That reminds me of my original plan after the divorce. Professional Gold Digger. Find me some 70 year old millionaire, marry her and when she croaks make bank. Then I figured with my luck she'd live to be a 120 and want sex everyday. Gross.  :rofl:


Nowhere

I could tell you a story of a man who was 70 and married his female nurse who was 30. She could not wait for him to croak. He lived to the ripe old age of 110.

Was she pissed.

By the way he was the inventor of the safety razor blade and lived in Westchester, NY.

You write so well that I can tell you have a great personality. Go take some cooking classes to meet people.

Your house will not be empty for long and neither will you be alone for long.

And stop thinking of "her". She is not worthy of any thought or time from you.

In a year you will be thanking her.......

HM64


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Hey! Everybody's got a price, baby! You just gotta determine what yours is!!!
> 
> Glad it's over 10 mil - but don't foget about that darn Death Tax - always make sure you compensate for that!!!


Good suggestion. Didn't think about that. Wanna be my pimp? You will have to get a big furry fedora hat, some gold chains and some pin strip pants. Might need to also smack me around a few times a day. :smthumbup: Hermes may need some smacking around as well.

And thanks Happyman for the vote of confidence. God knows I need it at this moment in time. Frankly though I'm terrified of the opposite sex right now. I figure I should just work on enjoying life and not needing a relationship. If someday I happen to meet a nice women then great. Perhaps after awhile I will change my opinion on the matter and seek out someone.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Good suggestion. Didn't think about that. Wanna be my pimp? You will have to get a big furry fedora hat, some gold chains and some pin strip pants. Might need to also smack me around a few times a day. :smthumbup:


Be careful what you wish for as my current place of employment is very slow right now!!!

I think I can handle the required fashion statement but I'll only smack you around if I get to have one of those pimp walking sticks - you know, so I can use it while walking around hustling to accentuate my swagger!!!:rofl:


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I want a relationship, but I'm like you NW, I'm terrified. After going through this with the last person i'd EVER thought to do this... yeah. They're all like that. EVERYONE has a breaking point, everyone has a point in their lives where they peak over the fence and want to go graze with the other cows. 

Sorry, but that's how I feel to. If I could find my heart into more hobbies again, I'd probably be ok, but EVERYTHING I've done, I can't do without thinking of my wife. 11 years. Well, we did a lot in 11 years. 

I'm sure you'll be fine NW. Just keep your head up and moving forward.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I need to, but am clueless about meeting people. Always had this circle of friends for as long as I can remember and don't want anything to do with them now. I was hoping I'd meet people in classes or something.
> 
> 
> That reminds me of my original plan after the divorce. Professional Gold Digger. Find me some 70 year old millionaire, marry her and when she croaks make bank. Then I figured with my luck she'd live to be a 120 and want sex everyday. Gross.  :rofl:


:lol::lol::lol::rofl::rofl::rofl::iagree::iagree:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Put a lot of thought into where you can go to find lots of old people and came to a revelation.

Now who wants to go to the Casino with me and hang out outside the high roller rooms looking for dates!! :smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Put a lot of thought into where you can go to find lots of old people and came to a revelation.
> 
> Now who wants to go to the Casino with me and hang out outside the high roller rooms looking for dates!! :smthumbup:


Well, the casino sounds a lot better than stalking bingo nights at the local elk's lodge!

Count me in!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I didn't think of Bingo night, but I doubt I'll see many millionaires there. 

Maybe I should do like Tony Curtis in the movie Some Like it Hot. Wear a sports blazer, talk like Cary Grant and act rich then find a yacht club to hang out at. Hmmm



Dewayne76 said:


> I want a relationship, but I'm like you NW, I'm terrified. After going through this with the last person i'd EVER thought to do this... yeah. They're all like that. EVERYONE has a breaking point, everyone has a point in their lives where they peak over the fence and want to go graze with the other cows.
> 
> Sorry, but that's how I feel to. If I could find my heart into more hobbies again, I'd probably be ok, but EVERYTHING I've done, I can't do without thinking of my wife. 11 years. Well, we did a lot in 11 years.
> .


 I know the feeling. I want someone right now, but I'm terrified of trying and I know I just want someone to focus all this loss of love on which would likely end badly. I keep telling myself I don't need anyone to be happy even if I still don't completely believe it. I don't have to have someone and should focus on making myself happy first. When really I just want to find someone to be with if even just physically, but I know I would so easily get attached right now. I do not want to rebound.

I also never thought my Wife would ever do this, but she seemed to change overnight to someone I really don't recognize. Its scary you can devote all that time, effort and love into someone for well over a decade to have them reverse course and decide they no longer like you or want something else. As if everything said between each other for so many years meant nothing. Makes me feel we never truly can find a soul mate and will always be alone. It will be hard, nigh impossible to have another close relationship and open your heart to someone, always being in fear that the slightest mistake or misjudgement could lead you back into this well of pain and sorrow.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I hate myself for saying this, but I sure do miss my wife.
Been trying to keep busy. Just have a hard time beating the loneliness 
And thinking about her. Where she is, what she is doing, do I even come into her mind at all?

Felt like drinking last night and it just made things worse.

Not sure what I'm going to do all thanksgiving week. Off all week and I can do only so many projects before I'm broke.
Been blowing through my money like a crack addict with a bank account. Buying stuff for one project after another. 
Trying to fill the void of my lost life and love.

Can't even watch tv. Just cant concentrate on anything without my mind drifting back to my wife.
I go walking with the dogs and every house has a truck & car in the driveway. Husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend. Just makes me sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Brother, I feel ya. Again, we're still in the same steenking boat rowing on the same oar. 

I had a ROUGH morning. Didn't calm down until early afternoon. I got a text from the volunteer fire dept guys (ones that helped with our haunted house) and said to come over. so I did. I had a great time with them, we even talked about the wife (they saw it all happen through the whole season, they're all on my side still EVEN after me telling them how bad I treated her at times) I still felt better. 

Been home for an hour. Guess what? Same crap. Can't watch tv, can't concentrate, can't watch movies, can't play games... NOTHING. My room's been cleaned about 4x's already and it hasn't even gotten dirty. 

Keep strong bro. I know it's rough, I know it's tough. YOU. WILL. GET. THROUGH. THIS! We all can, and we all will. Just try to keep your mind off of it as best as possible.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

I am right there with you guys. Can't concentrate can't do anything. However, my wife is a POS so breaking the 180 would just reaffirm what she has already shown me. I'll try to limit the amount of pain I have to take. This is also my first weekend where she has had the kids. Talk about scrubbing showers and floors.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

We've all probably got some of the cleanest houses on the face of the earth right now. I know I've probably scrubbed every inch of this place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

hang in there all of you, takes time but it gets waaaayyyy better, you have to realize things have changed forever, your marriages will never be the same even if r happened, & yes they think of you just not in a good way !!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Just watched Act of Valor again. 2nd movie of the night. Wartime movie of Navy Seals. Still, family values and the loss of a father. 

NOTHING can slip past. Can't slip past without some sort of reminder. My daughter, could possibly have a terrible childhood because of this, and she could possibly blame me for it. 

I've gone over the "Visitation" agreement. Of course it's a cookie cutter from 2007, but it's definately NOT a 50/50 agreement setup. 2 weekends and 1 day per week? WTF happened to on a week off a week? 

Just because you failed to give attention every single time she needed it, every time she wanted you to slap her ass during sex or be a bit more romantic, but failed to tell you. Because you raised your voice. Because you didn't feel like going dancing, yet she didn't ask you or tell you how much she wanted to go... BECAUSE of miss communication, this could turn onto me. Yes, I'm to blame too. But this... is.. NOT fair. THINGS can be worked on. BOTH of my counselors said our situation isn't so dire that our marriage needs to end. 

Why does it blind people so badly. Why does this.. "Fog" if you will, have so much power? When the grass isn't greener on the other side, why do they choose to go from yard to yard, just to make sure? 

I'm sorry. I had a few pain meds earlier. Not 100%, I may not ven remember righting this. Tonight, we share the pain. While you're having trouble getting your mind off them, think of us. Think of Forever Sad, think of NoWhere, and Dewayne.. and others. We may have deserved a pan to the head, but I feel we do not deserve this. I don't know you fellas, and I don't know how you are / were, but if you were a jaggoff of a husband or person, I doubt you'd be here, looking for help! You'd be dealing and moving onto the next thing you can destroy. But... you're here. 

Ok, I'm gonna go for another walk.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Just because you failed to give attention every single time she needed it, every time she wanted you to slap her ass during sex or be a bit more romantic, but failed to tell you. Because you raised your voice. Because you didn't feel like going dancing, yet she didn't ask you or tell you how much she wanted to go... BECAUSE of miss communication, this could turn onto me. Yes, I'm to blame too. But this... is.. NOT fair. THINGS can be worked on. BOTH of my counselors said our situation isn't so dire that our marriage needs to end.


That's pretty much me and my wife. She feels I didn't do enough or take her out enough. Even though I could point out tons of things I did for her weekly and tons of things we did together. All the little day to day acts of love were as if they never happened. She would go out and never tell me how much it meant for me to go with her. She usually would say 'I'm going out with the girls' So I assumed she wanted some space. And none of the times I asked her to do something with me and she refused seemed to matter. She would always hug me and tell me she loves me and "thanks for not being upset I'm going out. Your such a great guy". Right up till she decided I no longer mattered anymore. Its all so confusing.

I know I need to find more things to do with myself. I spent all weekend cleaning and doing house projects, but in between tasks was miserable. My thoughts always seemed to go back to her. All I can see is her face and all the times she would kiss me and tell me she loved me so much. I just wanted to drive home and go hug her so badly.

Then at the store I run into her brother. He said he was sorry for what happened with his sister and that she said I was taking it pretty hard. That immediately made me think she isn't taking it hard at all. 13 years together and I don't mean anything to her anymore. Really depressing.

I was with my puppies and realized that is what love is. No matter how many times they chew up something expensive or mess up the rug or floor I will never leave them or abandon them. Because I love them. Flaws and all. I'm not one day going to decide I don't like brown and black puppies and take them to the pound. I'm not going to decide I prefer a poodle or bulldog and leave them by the roadside. Its sad we treat animals better then people. 

I'm reading all of these self help books and can see where I could improve myself and where I could have been a better man. Though it makes me sad as I read them because I keep wishing I had read them earlier. I wanted to seek help, I wanted counseling, I wanted to do whatever I could to make it work.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know man. I feel ya. Same things here. Almost everything you said, runs along with mine. 

It sucks. No doubt about it. I guess that's what "Emotionally Detached" means? They just.. simply don't care anymore.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NW, I'm sorry you're so down sweetheart. I know this is really hard for you and I wish your pain could be taken away...

Something that helped me get my focus off STBXH was every time when he popped into my head I would immediately think of something else, something/anything happy - like my pup, or being out on the water, or places I'd love to travel to, my family - anything that was a happy place for me and didn't involve my STBXH. It's kind of like a reconditioning of the mind, if you will.

You said you've been reading a lot of self help books... one that really helped me and also gave me positive things to do was "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. It's like a daily meditation guide for people who are codepedant, it helps you recognize your codependancy and gives you an activity/reading for every day (like a whole year) to help you get out of your funk, focus on yourself and become a better person for yourself. If you haven't checked it out you might wanna - it helped me a lot.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

yeah, I believe I'm codependant as well. It's hard. makes it very hard. We've been together for at least 10 years, been saying 11. My question is, how are you NOT SUPPOSE to be codependant after that many years? 

I will look for that book EE. I can use the help but I'm so deep in it I'm not sure if any book will help me with it. 

NW, keep your head up. Hopefully you'll start to heal soon and be ok. I started talking to god again, I'll be praying for you. I stopped having faith in traditional god a few years ago, but now I'm calling out... I can't explain it. Grasping at straws I suppose.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'll be sure to check that book out after finishing the other two I still haven't read. A lot of the books are a bunch of fluff and psychobabble, but I've found a lot of good general and some specific advise.

Though the book you mentioned I may need to fast track. Really not feeling that great about everything. Really just sick of it all. Tired of feeling so lonely, unwanted and unneeded.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

quote; Something that helped me get my focus off STBXH was every time when he popped into my head I would immediately think of something else, something/anything happy - like my pup, or being out on the water, or places I'd love to travel to, my family - anything that was a happy place for me and didn't involve my STBXH. It's kind of like a reconditioning of the mind, if you will.

this is sooooooo important to healing, i'm tearing up just reading your guy's pain, i was there oh so not so long ago, it gets better guys, i promise it does, it takes time & most importantly is the above quote, i don't post a lot on your guy's threads but i read every day all of you, tonight this touched my heart. this is my advice guys, tattoo this on your forhead so every day you read it , i'm so sorry your in pain, my prayers go to you guy's


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Thanks OSV. Man, What sucks so badly in my situation? We ARE GETTING DIVORCED. Lawyer's slow, but she's dead set on it, and it's happening, lawyer's paid etc. 

But.. it's the constant "I love you still, but just not like I should" and the "I don't WANT you, I don't want to try for this, i don't want this anymore, I want peace, I want to be alone" and then the big hugs, the leaning over me as she says goodbye. Like tonight, she came by to pick up the kiddo. She asked me to not pick her up yet (sleeping on the floor). She got the carseat swapped out etc and came back. THEN she came to the loveseat, leaned over and put one hand on either side of my shoulder and leaned up over me. Put her forehead on mine.... 

How do we get THOSE thoughts out of our head? Everytime these thoughts pop into my head, I can't think of ANYTHING to help. I can't go to cars, drag racing, art, paintball... NOTHING w/o immediately being ruined by thoughts of her. 

Thanks for the support OVS. It's very appreciated.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

i know what your feeling, i do, you have to limit contact almost completely to detach, she doesn't realize that by doing those things it's tearing you up, & if she does then she's a cold hearted b1tch. the thoughts go away in time, i know how easy that is to say but it's true. i don't know if you've ever read my thread but triggers were my everything as well, we live in a tiny mountain community where stbx & i raised 5 kids for almost 14 yrs. couldn't go anywhere without menatlly seeing her, i went to a kelly clarkson concert with my daughter in july, as soon as i got there i triggered bad, i realized that the last time i had been there was with stbx & we saw clint black who sang our wedding song omg right!!!!!! about an hour into the show i met laura who i instantly was attracted to, we ended up dating & it was a blast !!! force yourself to go to these places, race babes are hot, i'm a crew chief & competing for a driving seat for next season, i love race babes, eye candy bro. fake it till your making it, sounds lame i know but trust me you can do this
andy


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> A lot of the books are a bunch of fluff and psychobabble, but I've found a lot of good general and some specific advise.


I've found the same babble in a lot of books too, but like you said, you can find some good advise in em too - just take what you can and apply it to your situation.



NoWhere said:


> Really not feeling that great about everything. Really just sick of it all. Tired of feeling so lonely, unwanted and unneeded.


That makes me hurt for you just reading it. NW, you need to get out and meet some people - not dating material if you're not ready, which I know you aren't - but people-people, friends people! Or do you have old friends you can reconnect with? Like ones before your marriage? Go out, seek and find - friends are a really important part in the healing process - they can do wonders for you and your self esteem.

And please, you are NOT unwanted and unneeded!!! Sure, your STBXW might not wan to be in your picture but you know what? That's entirely her loss and not yours!!! I've said it before and I'll say it again - you are an awesome dude, very caring, obviously motivated and you have your sh!t together (where I come from the girls would be lining up for you cause those traits are almost unheard of on the island!!!). You're a great person - if you weren't you wouldn't have friends on this forum! Now chin up, sir - or I'll come find you and beat you with my pimp stick!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

[email protected] pimp stick. I wish I could be that optimistic. I use to be when I was myself. Just don't feel like myself anymore.

My wife was my life. I really don't have any friends that either weren't hers or I'd want to be anywhere around. I have a few older friends I knew before, but they are all pretty bad people in the sense they would get me into trouble. I looked around my area for some of those meetup groups, but could find none I'd associate with. There was only about 4 listed. One of them is a atheist group. Oh joy sounds like a blast. 

I think eventually I will take some classes of some sort. I was thinking maybe cooking, guitar & painting. Or I could go out of my comfort zone and try dancing maybe or find some other aerobic activity. I also want to join a gym. I have exercise equipment at home and have always used those, but figure getting out might be good. 

Right now I've been so swamped with trying to get everything I need both small items and furniture and stuff to fill out my new house. Since Sept I've probably spent 15 grand for the divorce, house and everything I've needed so far. Then the fact my poor puppies I still house in a crate when I'm at work and feel like I need to rush home everyday to let them out and play with them. They have become my life. I need a puppy sitter. Preferably a puppy sitter/maid who dresses in one of those sexy french maid outfits.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> [email protected] pimp stick. I wish I could be that optimistic. I use to be when I was myself. Just don't feel like myself anymore.
> 
> My wife was my life. I really don't have any friends that either weren't hers or I'd want to be anywhere around. I have a few older friends I knew before, but they are all pretty bad people in the sense they would get me into trouble.


I feel ya on the old/bad news friends part... I had quite a few of those myself back in the day. And I understand the not having friends that weren't hers, too. I got to the same place where the only people I hung out with were my STBXH's friends but I always knew where they would land should me and STBXH fail. It hurt, but only just a little since I always knew the truth. When I left STBXH I only had 3 friends to call my own and 2 live far away. Slowly, very slowly I've added a couple more to my list and you will, too.



NoWhere said:


> I looked around my area for some of those meetup groups, but could find none I'd associate with. There was only about 4 listed. One of them is a atheist group. Oh joy sounds like a blast.


Well that's a bummer! But keep checking back from time to time - there's no telling when another group might get started up...



NoWhere said:


> I think eventually I will take some classes of some sort. I was thinking maybe cooking, guitar & painting. Or I could go out of my comfort zone and try dancing maybe or find some other aerobic activity. I also want to join a gym. I have exercise equipment at home and have always used those, but figure getting out might be good.


Now this is what I like to hear - you just need to add in "sooner rather than later" And getting out of your comfort zone is awesome!!! Well, maybe not at first, but when you do you'll find new and exciting opportunities that you never thought/experienced before! And the gym - totally do the gym - great stree reliever and a great place to meet new friends! 



NoWhere said:


> Right now I've been so swamped with trying to get everything I need both small items and furniture and stuff to fill out my new house. Since Sept I've probably spent 15 grand for the divorce, house and everything I've needed so far.


Ouch. Very ouch. Is there maybe any way you can set aside a couple bucks - like maybe $20/week and save for a class? Or even $5 - every little bit helps. And is your X gonna reimburse you for any of the divorce $? I would hope so seeing as how it's her fault/idea...



NoWhere said:


> Then the fact my poor puppies I still house in a crate when I'm at work and feel like I need to rush home everyday to let them out and play with them. They have become my life. I need a puppy sitter. Preferably a puppy sitter/maid who dresses in one of those sexy french maid outfits.


Luckily where I work I'm able to bring my little pup with me (oh, check out the pic I posted of her in my profile!!!) if not, I would feel the same way as you wanting to rush to get home to her. I shudder at the thought of one day losing my job (the custom yacht industry is currently on life support) and not being able to bring my pup along...

But good thinking on the Frech Maid/Puppy Sitter - you could always run an ad and note that a uniform will be required!!!:rofl:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Ouch. Very ouch. Is there maybe any way you can set aside a couple bucks - like maybe $20/week and save for a class? Or even $5 - every little bit helps. And is your X gonna reimburse you for any of the divorce $? I would hope so seeing as how it's her fault/idea...


I could easily pay for classes, but since I'm starting over I really want to save a bunch and sink extra principle into the house to build some equity in it. Its kind of frightening to start over at my age and I figure the more I can save the better I will feel about it. I'd like to have enough money so if I did lose my job I could live comfortable for at least a year. 

The wife didn't pay anything for the divorce. Not sure I really care to rock the boat any over it. Just ready to move on. Though I'm thinking of bringing it up.



Eternal Embrace said:


> Luckily where I work I'm able to bring my little pup with me (oh, check out the pic I posted of her in my profile!!!) if not, I would feel the same way as you wanting to rush to get home to her. I shudder at the thought of one day losing my job (the custom yacht industry is currently on life support) and not being able to bring my pup along...


 I wish I could bring my pups to work, but I'd probably be chasing them around all day. They are a handful. Seeing what you do a part of me wishes instead of a house I should of just bought a Yacht and lived on it. It would be nice to be able to pull up anchor and go anywhere. Of course I doubt my puppies would like it as much. 



> But good thinking on the French Maid/Puppy Sitter - you could always run an ad and note that a uniform will be required!!!:rofl:


 I wish! That would definitely get my mind off things. Love those outfits!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

So you got me thinking about the divorce bill. Originally the wife said she would pay me half, but I told her to put it down on the credit card.

A little history of that card. We got it together to purchase a refrigerator one time when ours broke. I wanted to just tear it up afterwards, but she said we should keep it for emergencies. Anyway down the line I find out she as about 4 grand on it and demanded she tear it up. Was told she did. Then come to find out she ran up 9 grand on the card. 

During the divorce I agreed to help pay it off. I figured it was in my best interest to just pay it off as quickly as possible so I don't have to remain in contact with her. She had been paying about 400.00 a month on it since I paid all the other bills. I gave her 2500.00 a few weeks back and she paid 200.00. I told her I didn't want to write checks to her every month and split what was left of the balance and told her I would pay her another 2700.00 and be done with it.

Well today I decided to check it online. However the username and password to access it doesn't work anymore. I've sent her a text asking if she changed it and have not heard back yet.

I swear if she is using that card I will finally go ballistic on her. I've been nothing but nice through this whole thing and tried not to rock the boat. I've been a push over though this whole thing because I didn't want a lengthy battle over finances. I want the divorce to be final, but I'm getting kind of pissed off here.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I could easily pay for classes, but since I'm starting over I really want to save a bunch and sink extra principle into the house to build some equity in it. Its kind of frightening to start over at my age and I figure the more I can save the better I will feel about it. I'd like to have enough money so if I did lose my job I could live comfortable for at least a year.


I can not express enough how much I admire your amibition! As we'd say in my industry - you're a First Class kinda guy!

But... ok - I totally admire your plans for the equity and saving in case of a job loss - but... if you have enough $ to easily pay for classes then do it!!! Seriously - look at it as an investment in yourself!!! Just take 1 class!!! You need to get back out in the world, NW, people other than here on this forum need to know and be able to be friends with a dude as awesome as yourself or you'll be doing the world a great injustice!

You're moving on and moving forward - a class would be another much needed step for you in the right direction.



NoWhere said:


> The wife didn't pay anything for the divorce. Not sure I really care to rock the boat any over it. Just ready to move on. Though I'm thinking of bringing it up.


Personally, I would def bring it up. I understand if you don't wanna rock the boat but at the same time after what she put you thru I wouldn't be doing the girl any favors. Besides, you could always use her reimbursment towards the down payment on your new yacht!



NoWhere said:


> I wish I could bring my pups to work, but I'd probably be chasing them around all day. They are a handful. Seeing what you do a part of me wishes instead of a house I should of just bought a Yacht and lived on it. It would be nice to be able to pull up anchor and go anywhere. Of course I doubt my puppies would like it as much.


Well, pugs tend to sleep an average of 12-16 hours a day so that's what mine generally does at work... she does have the tendency to bark her butt off at customers (she thinks she's a big vicious dog:rofl but she's easily tamed with the peace offering of cheese which many of my customers have learned over the years...

I, too, wish I could sail, well actually motor away. But I will let you in on a little secret... you know what boat actually stands for? Bring Out Another Thousand! It should actually stand for bring out another Few thousand cause the upkeep on them is ridiculous. Thou - if you do have major molha to spend you can get quite the deal on a custom yacht that's only a few years old versus building brand new - but... if you do hit the lottery come on down to NC and I'll introduce you to some of the finest Carolina Flare yacht builders on the east coast!!! Just remember to set aside a few thousand for me... you know, finder's fee and all!



NoWhere said:


> I wish! That would definitely get my mind off things. Love those outfits!


Ha! Careful what you wish for - $'s tight these days and hot young chicks are willing to do just about anything!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Well today I decided to check it online. However the username and password to access it doesn't work anymore. I've sent her a text asking if she changed it and have not heard back yet.
> 
> I swear if she is using that card I will finally go ballistic on her. I've been nothing but nice through this whole thing and tried not to rock the boat. I've been a push over though this whole thing because I didn't want a lengthy battle over finances. I want the divorce to be final, but I'm getting kind of pissed off here.


First off, you were _more_ than generous in paying off a debt that seems to be solely hers (even if the card was in both your names).

If she doesn't respond to you with the new login info for the account that I advise you call and cancel that card asap! 

No more Mr. Nice Guy, NW! This chick - urgh, I don't even have words to express my distaste - she's ripped you apart dude and she wants to continue to trample upon the pieces??!! No, No, No!!! Don't let her - cancel that damned card!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

She texted me back with the new password. I just want to be able to keep tabs on the card. She said now the card is cut up and the account deactivated from making anymore purchases. As soon as I pay her the amount I promised I'm going to demand she take my name off the account. Its going to take her years to pay off the rest.

Feeling discouraged though. I went looking for meeting groups again in my area. None. I just feel so lonely and all I can think of is her and ask myself why over and over. Seems only yesterday we acted in love like a married couple should and now I mean nothing.

Sorry I keep going through this cycle. I need to find a way to move on.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

don't ever be sorry bro, this is absolutely normal, it'll happen for a while so just ride the wave the best you can, you will find a way to move on when your heart & mind are ready.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

NEVER apologize man. Enemies don't care and true friends don't need it. In a way, supporting us all, we are true friends. If we weren't, we wouldn't be supporting each other day in and day out. 

Day after day, we all come on here, check our msges, see what others have said and find out how each other's doing. There is no shame, no reason to apologize. IT IS WHAT IT IS! 

We're like an elite group of individuals that are in training for something extraordinary, . . A LIFE AFTER! 

Keep your spirit up bro. Ima go to town and buy another book. Need something to do besides job searching  yeah, it doesn't help to be unemployed during all this b/s.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

We all here with ya Nowhere. I'm in the same boat as you. I miss my STBXW some and wonder why the hell she is already out partying it up and not giving two craps about what she had done. We have to move on together. There will be a better life for us. GOD works in mysterious ways. I feel he has a plan for me and can't wait for it. 

We must move on.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> don't ever be sorry bro, this is absolutely normal, it'll happen for a while so just ride the wave the best you can, you will find a way to move on when your heart & mind are ready.


:iagree: 100%

And until your heart and mind are ready just imagine me in the corner poking you with my pimp stick till you sign up for a class! Until then - we're here for ya babe in whatever state of mind you're in, you take all the time you need!!!

PS - I feel better now that she gave you the CC account info...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

What in the world am I going to do all next week? Off all week and not one thing to do. I thought about going out to a nice restaurant, but feel weird sitting by myself. I'll spend a lot of time walking my dogs. Other then that I'm at a loss. The only thing I feel like doing is drinking a lot and I know that's not healthy for me at this point in time. One other thing I've thought of doing was going furniture shopping, but I'm not much of a shopper. I'll find something I like immediately then end up spending a bunch of money I don't need too on it. It may make me happy for a couple of days at the most. I'm just so lonely right now and miss my wife. She doesn't text me or anything so I guess the feeling is not mutual. 

I hate going through these up's and downs. Last night I was just laying there with my eye's closed imagining myself at home again. Even though _this_ is my new home it still feels like a strangers place. I need a hug and some companionship. I know I need to learn to be happy by myself, but I'm not sure I can do it.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

What you need my friend is time. Get a good book. Rent a movie you love. Call some friends. p90x Do something. Im sure the place is already clean.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Where are you from Nowhere? Not exact, just general......just curious.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I have no friends here. I've got some movies I can watch. Matter a fact I use to order a lot and haven't watched any in months. So I have a few unopened. I also am reading a few books. Both keep me entertained for a short while before I have to stop the movie or put down the book because I can't concentrate of either. Sometimes I just want to give up. If it wasn't for my 2 adorable puppies I don't know what I would have done by now. Probably just self destruct, blow all my money and strand myself in a 3rd world country or island paradise. I thought about just flying somewhere like to London or somewhere warm like Hawaii, but can't bear to leave my puppies at this time. I'm just confused.

I may just wait it out and go to London next year and just go from one pub to the next for a week.

If you can't tell. I'm in a down period right now. Sometimes I feel ok. Maybe not terribly happy, but at least not completely down like now.



Hermes said:


> Where are you from Nowhere? Not exact, just general......just curious.


 I live in the deep south. Originally from Sacramento, but lived a few years in St Louis before ending up here.

I think I'll just get drunk and play my guitars till my fingers bleed.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Rent *Blue Valentine*

If that doesn't spur you to action, nothing will.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Rent *Blue Valentine*
> 
> If that doesn't spur you to action, nothing will.


God. I hated that movie. I watched it with my wife 6 months before this happened. Maybe it spurred her into action......

Maybe one day I will re-watch it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Hermes said:


> God. I hated that movie. I watched it with my wife 6 months before this happened. Maybe it spurred her into action......
> 
> Maybe one day I will re-watch it.


It's instructive.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Hermes said:


> God. I hated that movie. I watched it with my wife 6 months before this happened. *Maybe it spurred her into action......*
> Maybe one day I will re-watch it.


I just LOL'ed, and my office door is open.

The CEO glared at me. :rofl:


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Conrad said:


> It's instructive.


Maybe I missed something. I was just depressed from it. Maybe I should watch it again. Maybe i was depressed because I subconsciously knew something was off in our relationship....



SCsweety81 said:


> I just LOL'ed, and my office door is open.
> 
> The CEO glared at me. :rofl:


Glad that I can help you laugh today!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Hermes said:


> Maybe I missed something. I was just depressed from it. Maybe I should watch it again. Maybe i was depressed because I subconsciously knew something was off in our relationship....


I would ask you at the end of it, "Where was his focus?"


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm not sure I'm strong enough to watch that movie right now. Can't stand watching couples in love, Couldn't stand anything sexual, and definitely don't want anything heart wrenching. Think I'll stick with a comedy.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> I'm not sure I'm strong enough to watch that movie right now. Can't stand watching couples in love, Couldn't stand anything sexual, and definitely don't want anything heart wrenching. Think I'll stick with a comedy.


Don't worry, they aren't.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

NW, I feel ya bro. I did ok for a while, then I came home from getting more stuff from the haunt (lived there too) and when I got to my computer... as soon as I sat down I broke. 

Spoke to my mom again. They're begging me to try to bring W and Kiddo to Game Dinner on Thanksgiving. 

I started blacking out when thinking about Christmas etc. Roller coast ride's still a pounding. Right when I think it's smoothing out, BAM! 

I'm in Northeast Arkansas, how far away are you NW?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dewayne76 said:


> NW, I feel ya bro. I did ok for a while, then I came home from getting more stuff from the haunt (lived there too) and when I got to my computer... as soon as I sat down I broke.
> 
> Spoke to my mom again. They're begging me to try to bring W and Kiddo to Game Dinner on Thanksgiving.
> 
> ...


D,

BAM?

Because of Christmas?

What's the worst that can/will happen?


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

See, Conrad, not only am I fighting this battle with my wife, I also have a very dysfunctional family. My mom said her divorce with my dad almost killed her, now is blaming MINE for the one that's gonna finish her off. (her words, no lie) My dad is an azzhat, but to be honest, he's about the only sane sob in the clan now. My bro blames me for sh.t that I JUST FOUND OUT about btw, for crap that's 16+ years old. I did not do them. Not once has anyone ever asked me about them. 

There's a TON of crap going on at my end of the string bro. The worst, I get to spend christmas away from my kid. Not getting to wake up to the nice, pretty blinking tree lights and waiting for my kid to wake up to give her gifts. Not being able to spend time as a family. . . with any of them. 

I truly am, very good chance, going to be spending Thanksgiving, and Christmas, alone. There's not a tree at my new place of stay. There's no lights. Nothing. It doesn't feel like the holidays. 

At least I'm alive, tho, right? At least I will be able to see my kiddo at some point. 

No, to be honest, I guess the very worst, I'll have my kid during christmas because the W has to work, and not being able to do anything with her. I can't afford a tree. I don't have any christmasy lights. And I have just under $160 left to my name. Yeah, not gonna go well. . . If I don't get a job soon, I won't even be able to buy her much at all.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> What in the world am I going to do all next week? Off all week and not one thing to do. I thought about going out to a nice restaurant, but feel weird sitting by myself.


Go! Don't feel weird sitting by yourself!!! Trust me, it's not bad at all. My STBXH wouldn't wanna go out to a dinner or breakfast with me - oh well!!! I'd march my little butt in there, sit down with a good book and eat until my heart was content! Plus, if you did this you might start being seen as that "hot and mysterious guy" and get all the ladies talking!!!



NoWhere said:


> I'll spend a lot of time walking my dogs. Other then that I'm at a loss. The only thing I feel like doing is drinking a lot and I know that's not healthy for me at this point in time. One other thing I've thought of doing was going furniture shopping, but I'm not much of a shopper. I'll find something I like immediately then end up spending a bunch of money I don't need too on it. It may make me happy for a couple of days at the most.


Do you have any dog parks around? I forget if you told me so or not... If you do you should take the pups there! Not only would they get to make new friends but you will have the same opportunity, too!

If the funiture shopping isn't your bag - well, you can do one of two things. Either don't go or if you do see something you immediately like hold off on it - keep going to other stores, checking styles (and prices) and see if there isn't something else out there that suits ya.

Just don't go and do the drinking thing - trust me, drowning your misery never makes it go away, if anything drinking numbs it for a while then when said misery returns she always comes back with a vengence. A single ****tail might not hurt - as long as you know your limits and as long as you know that that one ****tail ain't gonna wanna make you have like 100 more - but if there's any question in that then just stay completely away from the ****tails!!!



NoWhere said:


> I'm just so lonely right now and miss my wife. She doesn't text me or anything so I guess the feeling is not mutual.


Honey, I know it's hard, but you gotta keep the focus off of her. Remember what I told you about thinking about other happy stuff when thoughts of her pop in your head? Do that!!! If that doesn't work then when she pops in your head - instead of thinking how much you miss her then think of all the crappy things she's done to you. I did this a lot, as well. I'd start to miss STBXH and long for the old him then I'd be like "what???!!! he did x, and x, and x and x - therefore why the hell am I missing/wanting him at all? No one that treats me like that is worth one second of my time!!!" 



NoWhere said:


> I hate going through these up's and downs. Last night I was just laying there with my eye's closed imagining myself at home again. Even though _this_ is my new home it still feels like a strangers place. I need a hug and some companionship. I know I need to learn to be happy by myself, but I'm not sure I can do it.


*(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))*

First off - yes you can learn to be happy!!!! Stop with the negative thinking about yourself - it's not true!!! Are you gonna make me come down to the Deep South with a tattoo gun and tattoo "I'm a totally awesome person and a force to be reckoned with" on your forehead??? Casue I will!!! I still have 2 weeks worth of vacation left and I am more than willing to use it for this task!!!

Getting used to your new place is gonna take some time. Even when I moved back in with my family after I left STBXH I felt akward there for a few weeks. But you'll find your routine and feel more at ease/home after a while. And the ups and downs are normal babe, you just need to start focusing on having more ups than you do downs. Hang in there, chin up, both of these things will take time but you'll eventually find yourself on the up side of things!!! I promise!!!


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

NW , you make me worry about you man ! You sound so much in pain that breaks my heart .

Can you do something ? Professional help, pills .... please do something , I'm getting very nervous reading your posts


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Go! Don't feel weird sitting by yourself!!! Trust me, it's not bad at all. My STBXH wouldn't wanna go out to a dinner or breakfast with me - oh well!!! I'd march my little butt in there, sit down with a good book and eat until my heart was content! Plus, if you did this you might start being seen as that "hot and mysterious guy" and get all the ladies talking!!!


 Or I come off as the creepy guy sitting all alone. lol



Eternal Embrace said:


> . A single ****tail might not hurt - as long as you know your limits and as long as you know that that one ****tail ain't gonna wanna make you have like 100 more - but if there's any question in that then just stay completely away from the ****tails!!!


 Your post was c0ckblocked!



Eternal Embrace said:


> Honey, I know it's hard, but you gotta keep the focus off of her. Remember what I told you about thinking about other happy stuff when thoughts of her pop in your head? Do that!!! If that doesn't work then when she pops in your head - instead of thinking how much you miss her then think of all the crappy things she's done to you. I did this a lot, as well. I'd start to miss STBXH and long for the old him then I'd be like "what???!!! he did x, and x, and x and x - therefore why the hell am I missing/wanting him at all? No one that treats me like that is worth one second of my time!!!"


I will try. I woke up again this morning with her on my mind.
Its funny I should be happy I'm off for a week, but now I'm dreading it. I guess I will see how it goes. Since I'll be repeating this at Xmas for 2 weeks.



Eternal Embrace said:


> First off - yes you can learn to be happy!!!! Stop with the negative thinking about yourself - it's not true!!! Are you gonna make me come down to the Deep South with a tattoo gun and tattoo "I'm a totally awesome person and a force to be reckoned with" on your forehead??? Casue I will!!! I still have 2 weeks worth of vacation left and I am more than willing to use it for this task!!!


I've actually been thinking of getting a tattoo. Though I don't know what to get.



Eternal Embrace said:


> Getting used to your new place is gonna take some time. Even when I moved back in with my family after I left STBXH I felt akward there for a few weeks. But you'll find your routine and feel more at ease/home after a while. And the ups and downs are normal babe, you just need to start focusing on having more ups than you do downs. Hang in there, chin up, both of these things will take time but you'll eventually find yourself on the up side of things!!! I promise!!!


As usual. Thanks for the votes of confidence and support. You're a gem. :smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Or I come off as the creepy guy sitting all alone. lol


Hey! What are trying to say??!! That all those times I thought I was being a confident lady eating and reading alone I was really just some creepy chick???!!! Oh dear, my perception of myself has been turned totally upside down!!!!



NoWhere said:


> Your post was c0ckblocked!


:rofl: C0CKTAILS!!!!! Take that TAM prohibition party!!!




NoWhere said:


> I will try. I woke up again this morning with her on my mind.
> Its funny I should be happy I'm off for a week, but now I'm dreading it. I guess I will see how it goes. Since I'll be repeating this at Xmas for 2 weeks.


As long as you try. That's the most we can hope for ourselves, to try our best and do our best with the situations we are given. But things will get easier, in time. 



NoWhere said:


> I've actually been thinking of getting a tattoo. Though I don't know what to get.


Oh! Oh! Oh! Then you're talking to the right chick!!! If you're ever in NC with a tattoo idea I'll take you to a killer place!!! I actually have to call my tattoo chick today and get an estimate on a coverup... I was never so foolish that I got STBXH's name tattooed on me but I was foolish enough to get his dumb astological sign done on the inside of my left forearm, thinking of getting it covered with a simple black heart with a keyhole in it...



NoWhere said:


> As usual. Thanks for the votes of confidence and support. You're a gem. :smthumbup:


I try, I try... But seriously, anytime man - you're worth it!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

BigMac said:


> NW , you make me worry about you man ! You sound so much in pain that breaks my heart .
> 
> Can you do something ? Professional help, pills .... please do something , I'm getting very nervous reading your posts


I've hit a few down patches. Sometimes I just don't feel very much like continuing. I've lived, loved and experienced a lot of things. It can just sometimes feel so overwhelming right now, but like I said I have two puppies I adore and I don't think I could leave them all alone in this world. Yeah I'm a wuss when it comes to animals. 

I'm not sure I need professional help, maybe I do, and I would probably just abuse the pills. Not a big fan of taking any pills to begin with. I'm just lonely and lost without my wife and all our friends. I feel paralyzed to getting out there and meeting people and really not sure how to start. This whole thing has really hurt my self esteem. Its also made me question if I ever even want to date again. Relationships are too complicated. Why can't people just love each other for who they are and not play these games. :scratchhead:

I could just as easily become a hermit and stick to myself. Fixing up my house and doing projects. I'm just so confused right now. I had such great plans at the beginning of this year. Then my wife decided to go out all year 4-5 nights a week all night long partying and her sneaking off to have secret conversations with her boyfriend. Leaving me frantically trying to figure out what was going on. Then her stringing me along by telling me everything was fine whenever confronted. Always "Its not you its me, I love you more then anything and never want to lose you. I'm just in a rut" etc. All of that drove me a little crazy. 

Plus in Feb I had to put my dog of 14 years down because his kidneys and liver were failing. He died in my arms and that was traumatic for me. Still brings tears to my eyes just typing this. This is why I now have 2 puppies which I got in April hoping they would cheer me up. Which they did. I went to get one, but his brother was the runt of the litter and the last one left. He's a little small and fat. I couldn't bare to leave him and split them up.

And finally all that has happened in these last 2 months. Being told by the person I loved deeply I'm no longer loved. Divorced, the stress of finding a new home and moving from my home of 10 years. Its all just so much to stomach for me. I guess I'm just a weak person.

It hurts that I'm not even missed. Not one text or anything from my wife. She's probably moved on with this other guy who I guess is better looking, more attractive to her. Obviously I'm slow at figuring out women and relationships. Had I read all of these books months ago I probably could have saved my marriage.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Nowhere,

So, one person's opinion is enough for you to basically end your social life.

Must be a really wise and competent person - someone that makes lots of great decisions and sets a fantastic example. Someone with self-discipline and many personal traits you admire.

Right?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hey! What are trying to say??!! That all those times I thought I was being a confident lady eating and reading alone I was really just some creepy chick???!!! Oh dear, my perception of myself has been turned totally upside down!!!!


I don't think women can come off creepy sitting by themselves.
I've never thought that, but I have seen men sitting by themselves at a table and thought it.



> Oh! Oh! Oh! Then you're talking to the right chick!!! If you're ever in NC with a tattoo idea I'll take you to a killer place!!! I actually have to call my tattoo chick today and get an estimate on a coverup... I was never so foolish that I got STBXH's name tattooed on me but I was foolish enough to get his dumb astological sign done on the inside of my left forearm, thinking of getting it covered with a simple black heart with a keyhole in it...


I'm just not sure what I would want to be on my body and where it should go. I thought about astrology. I'm a Aquarius.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Nowhere,
> 
> So, one person's opinion is enough for you to basically end your social life.
> 
> ...


I know. I should know better, but I can't help wondering these things.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> I know. I should know better, but I can't help wondering these things.


Are you in counseling?

If I've asked before, I apologize.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Look into some cooking classes. They are not that expensive. Women love a man that can cook for them. No offense to women here, but I have found that most women these days can not cook to save their life. Lets put it this way, my wife once caught cereal on fire........i will leave it at that so you can have a good image in your head.

You are better than this. Snap out of it. I know it is hard. I know that you are in misery, but you NEED to snap out of this funk. She does not hold that much power over you. If you truly want her back, forget about her. That is the only way, she will even think about coming back. If you need to fake it, fake it. Do ANYTHING to get your mind off this.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

That's some very good advice bro. Think about it... COOKING CLASSES...  

Gotta get out and do something man. We're both on the roller coaster and I'm sorry. I feel ya. But we have to get out. That's why I asked how far south you were, I'm off all week too. I'm thinking about keeping my kid all week but may not be able to. 

I'm hesitating on going out to the pool hall and / or bowling. I hate doing things by myself though. There are no classes around here for things like cooking etc. There's only 22k ppl here and not a lot going on. Not a lot of jobs either. 

I've done a TON of reading man. TBH, they're all right. We can't expect our ladies, or any at that matter, to be attracted to a weak, pitiful man that has no confidence. I've seen some of the... um. Most unattractive guys (friends of mine, NUUTTSS I aint kiddin) get some of the prettiest girls. No.. no not all of them are "great" girls, haha. But they did it. My friend Jason, good gawd, he was terrible. Didn't brush his hair, acted goofy as all get out... got the girls. I was like WTH man?? 

He came off as confident. He was funny. And that means more then we typically think to a woman. 

Fake it to make it. Fake being happy, until you ARE happy! (or content, I'll accept content  )

I've been doing this and guess what? My ol lady has CALLED ME.. 3 times in 2 days. She's been texting me. Excuses? I don't know. Lets see. Just this morning she's been txting me about Monty, our Python (You'll get this one NW  ) and she's been asking me "Why won't he eat? What should I do? " etc etc. 5 texts this morning. 

last night? She asked me to look at a spot on her back. She said "I can't ask.. Ryan or Scarlett or anyone to do it.. " (looked like a bite or something..)

This comes about, when I've been trying my damndest on the 180 and acting confident and happy. Is she coming back? no. I don't believe so. Nor do I want her at this moment. BUT! IF I can get my wife that doesn't want me to start approaching me like this? What about a new girl that has no bad blood between us?

Get into a class bro, hell ANYTHING. CPR classes.. Cooking... um... sh.t w/e is there? Go to a dance place even if you're not a dancer or a country music lover. There's tons of people that don't like country that much and goes. I've been there... I dislike country lol.

Sorry, I ramble sometimes


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

**Edited Sorry** THought I was on my thread  

Umm.. " My bad dawg" lol


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Are you in counseling?
> 
> If I've asked before, I apologize.


 Nope.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Should I start ignoring some of these? Instead of helping, should I tell her "I don't know, go ask someone at the pet store" for example? She's also been hanging out at the house more. Last two nights she sat here for almost an hour last night and over an hour night before. Last night she asked me if I wanted to go to huddle house. Baby wanted us to go after she mentioned it so I went. Should I have stayed home?


 I wish I had a answer for you. I never hear from my wife and don't have that problem. I guess if she did do those things I would feel uncomfortable about it. Especially her saying "I love you". If the kid wanted to go to huddle I don't think you had a choice in going.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Nope.


change this ASAP. Get in to a counseling session NOW. Seriously. It has helped me more than i can tell you. Pick up codependent no more, as well.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Sorry about that bro, for some reason I thougth i was on my thread  

Thanks tho man. Yeah, I ... I do NOT want to not do something when my kid wants it.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Sorry about that bro, for some reason I thougth i was on my thread
> 
> Thanks tho man. Yeah, I ... I do NOT want to not do something when my kid wants it.


That's alright. I went and read your thread and saw the same thing posted and thought. Uhoh He's finally lost it! :rofl:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Nope.


Why not?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Why not?


 Just didn't feel like I needed it I suppose. That and I just have such a hectic schedule and had so many things to do. Most of that is winding down. I'll know better in a few weeks if I need to seek help or not. Probably will find out this week since I'll be off work all week. If things get too bad I will.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Just didn't feel like I needed it I suppose. That and I just have such a hectic schedule and had so many things to do. Most of that is winding down. I'll know better in a few weeks if I need to seek help or not. Probably will find out this week since I'll be off work all week. If things get too bad I will.


Do this exercise for me.

Elevate yourself to 50,000 feet and go back and read all your posts.

Then imagine it's a friend writing this.

Would you think that friend needed some professional help to work on his sense of self-worth?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Your right. I have no self worth. I do need help. I'm tired of all of this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Your right. I have no self worth. I do need help. I'm tired of all of this.


It's clear you don't love yourself.

Here's the good news.

Once you love yourself, everyone else will too.

It's really that easy.

(Not to say it's simple)


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Your right. I have no self worth. I do need help. I'm tired of all of this.


So get out there and get it. You know you are better than how you are treating yourself.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

He's right NW. I mean WTF did you do to deserve this? 

Have you been faithful? (Serious question) SO what if you didn't give enough affection or w/e. I don't remember the story, but you know what? You come on here, spill your heart out and that takes guts. (I think) You help others out, you've been my friend. 

You've made many people smile. He11 dude, just looking at Ee-Gore's pic makes me smile every day. 

You're sweet. You're kind and have a big heart man. I know that spells JACK SH.T about how you were as a husband, but HEY... why are we here? TO LEARN!> RIght? Seriously, EVVERYONE is here to learn. 

You've learned. I've learned, he11 I'll bet CONRAD's learned something here. 

You're a better person just by being here. You've got 2 puppies that love you. You sound pretty successful. I know I couldn't just go and buy sh.tloads of furniture, even renting to own. 

Dude, you have SO MUCH to be proud of that WE CAN see and we're just words on a website. 

Be proud of yourself. BE HAPPY with yourself. LOVE yourself, and the rest will fall into place. I promise. 

You're a great dude, and from the bottom of my heart, I want to say THANK YOU for helping me out. THank you for responding to some of the most ridiculous posts I've made. Even when you didn't have anything to say like an answer, YOU. POSTED. What's that say? ... you care. And that says a lot. 

Keep your head up bro. FIND SOMETHING to do and think about it for a while. You'll be impressed with yourself once you peel back the hurt and LOOK into your inner being.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Not sure what I'm feeling. Wrote a poem of sorts sitting here waiting to leave work. I think it reflects more my mood then any real thought. I'll regroup tomorrow and re-evaluate my game plan. If the poem or story or whatever seems dark. Its only because I've just had a bad day and was trying to pass the time. Thanks everyone for helping me and being my friend. Atleast as much as one can do so on a internet forum . 


:
A door slowly swings ajar as a light confronts me, rushing outwards across the hall to greet me. A faint dust rolls slowly and eerily across the threshold. As if following the strange light that had just passed my feet seconds before. Beyond the door, through the crack, deep inside the chamber, the ambience of a flickering light is seen shimmering across the far wall. The shadows crisscross the light as arms stretch up to the ceiling and fingers dance alouf across the roof. I see myself sitting at a table fixated on a candle that lay before me. My face is blank and no expression paints my face. I appear older and greyer, yet none the wiser. Maybe I'm lost in thought or asleep with my eye's wide open. However as much as I try I cannot lift myself to enter the room or open my mouth in protest to the sights I see. Could that figure that sits quiet and still really be me. Before I can muster the will and act, the door slams shut without giving me a second glance. Through the hinges and between the cracks, the light slowly dims before going black. What did I just see? Was that really me?


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Man, I don't know what to say. It was beautiful. I loved it. Painted a great picture for me. 

I think I know what you're saying also... It won't be that way bro. We make our own destiny. You can change things...


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Dude - that was beautiful!!!!

You are a truely talented writer!!!!:smthumbup:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Dude - that was beautiful!!!!
> 
> You are a truely talented writer!!!!:smthumbup:


See NoWhere....

You've already got her on the string.

But, I have bad news for you.

She's not going to date any more codependents either.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> See NoWhere....
> 
> You've already got her on the string.
> 
> ...


If I had EE on a string I'd reel her in. She's quite a catch! 

But I get what your saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> If I had EE on a string I'd reel her in. She's quite a catch!
> 
> But I get what your saying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What I'm saying is that until you fix you, they all go this way.

Is that enough of an incentive to go to IC?

It should be.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Knock, knock, knock...

Hey buddy! Just checking in on you - seeing how the start to your week off is going... Hope you're hanging in there! Tell the pups "Hi!" for me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Knock, knock, knock...
> 
> Hey buddy! Just checking in on you - seeing how the start to your week off is going... Hope you're hanging in there! Tell the pups "Hi!" for me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Things are going ok. Been just fixing things at the house and trying to come up with decorative & furnishing ideas. You know just trying to stay busy.
Besides that I've walked the dogs a lot and spent a lot of times out back with them. Just laying back tonight watching some tv with them passed out in my lap. Finally got me some crystal wine glasses so I'm driving them crazy rubbing my finger around the rim. 

Only a few times have i got really sad or just felt that empty feeling. Usually when I get over tired late at night. It's especially bad sometimes when I wake up at night or in the morning. I try and brush it off when I get sad like that. Sometimes I'm more successful then others.

Thanks for checking up on me. It really means a lot to me. Makes me feel like I'm not completely alone and brought a smile to my face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Things are going ok. Been just fixing things at the house and trying to come up with decorative & furnishing ideas. You know just trying to stay busy.
> Besides that I've walked the dogs a lot and spent a lot of times out back with them. Just laying back tonight watching some tv with them passed out in my lap. Finally got me some crystal wine glasses so I'm driving them crazy rubbing my finger around the rim.


Haha! Do they do that little dog quirk where they perk up and start ****ing their heads from side to side trying to figure out what the heck you're doing? That's what Spaz does and I love it - it looks like she's trying really hard to figure something out!

Did you ever find a dog park for them? 



NoWhere said:


> Only a few times have i got really sad or just felt that empty feeling. Usually when I get over tired late at night. It's especially bad sometimes when I wake up at night or in the morning. I try and brush it off when I get sad like that. Sometimes I'm more successful then others.


Honey, this is natural and is going to happen - it still happens to me, too. Like I said, when those feelings of being sad or missing my STBXH creep up on me I just focus on the person he is now (a person who I do not know nor care to) and all the bad things he does to me as this new peron - and that _usually_ squashes those thoughts. It might be a cold hearted b!tch way of going about it but I figure I gotta do what I gotta do to keep moving forward.



NoWhere said:


> Thanks for checking up on me. It really means a lot to me. Makes me feel like I'm not completely alone and brought a smile to my face.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are more than welcome, my dear! And please rememeber - you are NEVER alone - between the pups and us here on the forum - somebody has always got your back! Keep on smiling - you deserve it!!! And as the oh so knowledgeable Dolly Parton once said... "it increases your face value!"


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Things are going ok. Been just fixing things at the house and trying to come up with decorative & furnishing ideas. You know just trying to stay busy.
> Besides that I've walked the dogs a lot and spent a lot of times out back with them. Just laying back tonight watching some tv with them passed out in my lap. Finally got me some crystal wine glasses so I'm driving them crazy rubbing my finger around the rim.
> 
> Only a few times have i got really sad or just felt that empty feeling. Usually when I get over tired late at night. It's especially bad sometimes when I wake up at night or in the morning. I try and brush it off when I get sad like that. Sometimes I'm more successful then others.
> ...


First off, what TV shows were you watching? 

Second, just like EE said, those are normal. I wake up every night around 4-5 and think about her. I fall back asleep and then it happens again around 6:30. Don't fight the feelings. Let them come and go. Soon they will happen less and less. 

You know you always have us here for you. Those pups need you too. 

Have a great day today!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Haha! Do they do that little dog quirk where they perk up and start ****ing their heads from side to side trying to figure out what the heck you're doing? That's what Spaz does and I love it - it looks like she's trying really hard to figure something out!
> 
> Did you ever find a dog park for them?


]
Yep. They twist their heads and stare at me at a angle before going wild and jumping on me trying to lick me in the face. Lol. Hilarious.
I just realized something. Spaz was the first name I came up with for one of the dogs, but ended up changing it to something else. Even though this one dog is a spaz. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hermes said:


> First off, what TV shows were you watching?
> 
> Second, just like EE said, those are normal. I wake up every night around 4-5 and think about her. I fall back asleep and then it happens again around 6:30. Don't fight the feelings. Let them come and go. Soon they will happen less and less.
> 
> ...


You know I couldn't tell you what I watched. I pretty much flipped channels, watched a few minutes and got bored. Changed the channel again. Repeat.
Maybe I'll watch a movie tonight or something. I did go see Skyfall last weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> ]
> Yep. They twist their heads and stare at me at a angle before going wild and jumping on me trying to lick me in the face. Lol. Hilarious.


That is exactly what Spaz does, too! I love it!!!



NoWhere said:


> ]
> I just realized something. Spaz was the first name I came up with for one of the dogs, but ended up changing it to something else. Even though this one dog is a spaz.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! What a small world! Spaz was already named River by the breeder (horrible, horrible breeder I might add) when I went to get her. As soon as I got that Pug in the car she starting flipping out and I said "My, what a spaz you are, what am I going to name you?" My mother was with me at the time and replied "Dear, I think you just did!"


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hey NW!!!

Just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!!! I hope your week is going good - don't go crazy with any Black Friday shopping tomorrow!!! ; )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hey NW!!!
> 
> Just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!!! I hope your week is going good - don't go crazy with any Black Friday shopping tomorrow!!! ; )
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks! I hope you have a happy thanksgiving too! Give Spaz a little turkey so he can celebrate as well! Don't forget the gravy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Happy Thanksgiving NoWhere. 

Hope you're doing well today. 

Think I'm gonna go get a Rotisserie Chicken and some other stuff, rent some movies and come home and watch movies and play with the kid all day.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Sounds like fun! The turkey I have is turkey bacon. Ha!
Not sure what I'll do today. Been walking around finding imperfections in my hardwood floor. I may be coming down with a case of OCD.
Because now I've found a few ill obsess over them till it's fixed!
Guess it atleast keeps my mind off other things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Sounds like fun! The turkey I have is turkey bacon. Ha!
> Not sure what I'll do today. Been walking around finding imperfections in my hardwood floor. I may be coming down with a case of OCD.
> Because now I've found a few ill obsess over them till it's fixed!
> Guess it atleast keeps my mind off other things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A SECOND good reason for individual counseling.

An OCD Codependent.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> A SECOND good reason for individual counseling.
> 
> An OCD Codependent.


Lol. Let me see if I can develop some more symptoms first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thinking about you, NW. Happy Thanksgiving to you. Here's to better ones in the future!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Sitting on the back porch watching the puppies play and throwing back a few.
I've reduced myself to listening to The Doors.

Not the usual family get together, but less stress  and no turkey needed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Sitting on the back porch watching the puppies play and throwing back a few.
> I've reduced myself to listening to The Doors.
> 
> Not the usual family get together, but less stress  and no turkey needed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The turkey is with posOM.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm officially marking thanksgiving off my calendar.
It's overrated and dumb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

It's ok, we are all dealing with the holidays in different ways. Just stay healthy and make it through the day.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

I may have to pick up some booze if it will help me sleep. I dream of making it to 6am these days


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I've moved from The Doors to Billie Holiday.
Doubt anyone here knows who that is, but there you go
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

I think I may have heard of that one ...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Switched from outside to the whirlpool. If i dont drown I think i'll make it. Lol. My puppies are contemplating whether to take the plunge or not.
I don't think they have the guts, but we're see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Atleast I didn't text my wife. I think I'm pretty well over her. Just kind if lost right now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Sorry you're having such a tough night, sweetie. Be careful with the alcohol and the whirlpool! You'll get through this, you'll see.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

How you doing this morning nw?


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Hopefully still in bed recovering ... And not still in the hot tub


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

First off - Billie Holiday... love her!!! Thou what a tortured soul...

Second off - whirlpool party and you didn't send out any TAM invites??? How rude!!!

Third - I hope you're doing better sweetie, maybe being back at work will keep your eyes off that hardwood floor!

I don't judge... I'm pretty OCD, too!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

yeah I went a little crazy Thanksgiving eve. Luckily I never made it through my 3rd bottle of wine that night before passing out. I'll try not to do that again. 

Also went a little crazy shopping on Saturday. Now I have a new Bed Room suite and new Kitchen table/chairs coming. Also bought me a nice piece of art to hang above the fireplace. Though I probably shouldn't have spent so much on it. Now I just need to figure out what to do with my living room. Don't want to buy furniture to compliment my current couch since I'll probably buy a new couch. 

I'm a big Billie Holiday fan myself. I love a lot of different music, but there is just something about her voice.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> yeah I went a little crazy Thanksgiving eve. Luckily I never made it through my 3rd bottle of wine that night before passing out. I'll try not to do that again.
> 
> Also went a little crazy shopping on Saturday. Now I have a new Bed Room suite and new Kitchen table/chairs coming. Also bought me a nice piece of art to hang above the fireplace. Though I probably shouldn't have spent so much on it. Now I just need to figure out what to do with my living room. Don't want to buy furniture to compliment my current couch since I'll probably buy a new couch.
> 
> I'm a big Billie Holiday fan myself. I love a lot of different music, but there is just something about her voice.


Glad that you are feeling better. Get that house in shape. It will make you feel better coming home to a brand new place that you will not associate with any memories of her. You are doing great man. Keep it up. You got this.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Good for you, making your place more your own. It can be kind of fun, actually. Then you can invite us all over when you get it finished.  :smthumbup:


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Good for you, making your place more your own. It can be kind of fun, actually. Then you can invite us all over when you get it finished.  :smthumbup:


I will bring the beer. I am kind of a snob with it.....


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Holy hell with the shopping!!! Were we separated at birth or something??? I just binge on clothes, rings and boots thou but I must admit, if I had a house of my own I'd most likely be filling it with new furniture, too!

Don't worry about the soggy Thanksgiving - things like that happen from time to time - as long as you don't plan on making a habit of it which I know you won't!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Wish I could take you shopping for boots. Though you might not like what I pick out, but I can guarantee I would!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Wish I could take you shopping for boots. Though you might not like what I pick out, but I can guarantee I would!


Ha! You never know!

Or I could just show you my boot collection then you'd get the idea and we'd both be on the same page!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Ok. Let me explain a few things then ask a question.

I moved into my house during a week and spent my first weekend in my house.
That Sunday my wife said she needed the keys and garage opener. No problem I put them in the house.
Even though it kind of upset me because it was so soon and seemed cold.

Fast forward to thanksgiving week. She said she was going somewhere all week with her dad. I drive by the house on Monday and noticed the garage door open.
There's a lot of expensive stuff in there so I texted her. Said 'I thought you were gone all week you left the garage door open' thinking she would want me to close it.
Never heard from her all week until today.

So since oct 31 when I got the house I've been texted only twice now. And ignored this last week and a half.

Now she asking me to come get my car this weekend in the garage and a few other things I left with the car. It's a 64 tbird.
She said 'please respond'. Now I don't mind getting it. Would rather have done it thanksgiving week.

My question is do I immediately respond or leave her guessing awhile.
What exactly should i say. Just "sure" or what?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

She wants you to get the car.

You would have liked to get it earlier but you can get it now.

What else is there to say other than when you will be getting it?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Yeah, I'd probably just tell her something along the lines of you are planning on getting your car and you'll give her a heads up as soon as you figure out when.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

I agree. Nothing more to do that just go get it. I know you would have preferred it that week, but is there a real difference getting it now? Are you concerned because she will be there?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That was the obvious answer and what I would have done anyway. I was thinking about leaving her guessing for awhile. I didn't care if I got the car thanksgiving week. Its the fact she ignored me all week. I know why. I think she lied about leaving with her dad and was shacked up all week with the OM and didn't want me coming around. 

I asked what my response should be because frankly her text was so matter a fact and cold it left me feeling unsure and sad. After all of these years together its still hard to accept I mean absolutely nothing to her now. Anyway I wanted to make sure I made the proper response because I wasn't thinking straight. Then again I guess I was because what I texted back I had planned on texting anyway.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

I have a suggestion.

Get your car, get the rest of your things and never talk to her again.

My exfiance cited one of the reasons she cheated on me was because I was more in love with my car than I was with her.

I looked at her and said " you damn right I am. This car has never let me down, always starts everyday and will never lie to me which is more than I can say about you". Those were the last words I ever spoke to her.

Get the car my man. Leave the girl. 

It will be the best decision you will have made. Go find a new passenger and make sure she appreciates the 64 Tbird.

Ride on!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Since day one my plans have been to never talk to her again. Even though she wants to remain 'friends' because I'm still 'special to her' and 'mean a lot' and blah blah blah. 

The problem is I will need to do some work on the car to get it out of there. Its on stilts, needs oil and gas and possibly other work. Its been sitting for awhile since I last cranked it. Though at that time I had replaced pretty much everything in the engine.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

'64 T-Bird??!!!

Oh! Pick me! Pick me!

I wanna ride!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Once I get it fully sanded down and painted I may do that. 

It still has a 8-track player in it that works. LOL


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Once I get it fully sanded down and painted I may do that.


Hey, I'm handy! I sanded down and painted my first car myself - um, be it with Napa automotive spray can paint - still came out looking 100 x's better than it orginally looked!



NoWhere said:


> It still has a 8-track player in it that works. LOL


No way!!! We can totally listen to oldies but goodies!!!:smthumbup:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NoWhere

Do you have to take the car out of the garage legally?

Or is your STBXW just pushing your buttons?

HM64


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

No I don't have to get the care out legally, but its my car. Plus working on it will give me more to do with my time.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> No I don't have to get the care out legally, but its my car. Plus working on it will give me more to do with my time.


That is fine. 

But pick it up when you feel like it and when you are ready.

And just make sure she is not standing outside of the garage when you back it out.

The temptation might be too great! :rofl:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

LOL I could use a new hood ornament!


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hi NW. Figured I'd better read your thread and see who I was dealing with since you were so rude to me on Sea's thread 

So, all in all, I've decided you're a pretty nice guy despite your completely ridiculous inability to see things my way!

Sorry you have been through so much pain. As I read, it was nice to see you growing stronger and your sense of humor emerge.

Take care.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks! That was sweet. Either that or a devious plan to soften me up so you can pounce on me and make me see things your way. 
You're either a extremely nice person or a evil devious mastermind.
Maybe a little of both huh?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

OK so how do I go about seeking help? Who do I see?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> OK so how do I go about seeking help? Who do I see?


Search for a family life counselor.

Wow.

So proud of you, dear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Search for a family life counselor.
> 
> Wow.
> 
> ...


A friend of mine suggested someone trained in IFS (Internal Family Systems) goggle it in your areas..they have a lookup for therapists in any area.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Too Little Too Late? said:


> A friend of mine suggested someone trained in IFS (Internal Family Systems) goggle it in your areas..they have a lookup for therapists in any area.


Actually, IFS is exactly what I was thinking of.

Yeah, NoWhere - that's where you need to search.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I found someone local. Not IFS. But they accept insurance and specializes in depression, separation & self esteem issues. I may wait till next week to call and set something up. I've got so much I have to get done all weekend.

Really not doing that well. Really getting a 'who gives a $h!t' and 'no one cares' attitude.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Well, sweetie, you know we care, and the way you're feeling now is exactly why you need to make an appointment and see someone.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I know that is why I'm going to do it. Have been having some really bad thoughts lately when alone.

And thanks for caring Angel. You, EE & Katy have been especially nice and supportive to me. It really does help.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Well worth it. No man is an island. I am as cheap as they come but I wouldn't dare not go to IC. Do it! Do it! Do it!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I know that is why I'm going to do it. Have been having some really bad thoughts lately when alone.
> 
> And thanks for caring Angel. You, EE & Katy have been especially *nice* and supportive to me. It really does help.


Aw.

My feelings are hurt.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Major props on seeking out help NW.

That's a great start.

I made the call about 1 month into my situation when I started to consider taking my own life.

Was in the door 2 hours later.

I have observed the following and will tell you as I see it.

You seek far too much validation from WOMEN and you tend to deflect, avoid and excuse yourself from any direct, non fluffy advice.

Sometimes you need to be beaten down until you are sick of it and finally find the nads to get back up.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Oh and especially Up he's been the most help!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

You know Up was just saying all that so you'd mention him, right?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> You know Up was just saying all that so you'd mention him, right?


You know me too well Angel.

All I want is to be liked.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Thanks! That was sweet. Either that or a devious plan to soften me up so you can pounce on me and make me see things your way.
> You're either a extremely nice person or a evil devious mastermind.
> Maybe a little of both huh?


Bit of both. But you'll never know which in this situation!

Good for you for deciding to seek help. If the first person you see isn't helpful, keep looking. There are some good ones out there.

How are the pups?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Pups are doing fine. They are my number 1# priority. If I even do start dating again she will always be #2. 

Went home today to wait on some furniture to be delivered so they got to play outside all day. Or atleast for the 4-5 hours I was there.

They were very happy campers!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Got my car and the rest of my stuff. Now I don't have to ever see her again. I can't stop crying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

You triggered up bro, it's ok. 

Get back to your pups... watch a movie (careful on selection) 

If you need to talk man, I can pm you my number. 

Take care.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Sorry you're hurting so much today, sweetie. It's another step you knew you'd have to take eventually, but that doesn't mean it's any easier. Make sure you make the call this week to schedule an IC appointment. Don't put it off, since you don't know how long you'll have to wait to get in.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Sitting out back playing guitar getting drunk again.
I know it's not the best way to handle it, but what can I say I'm weak I guess.
Just don't understand. I loved her so much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

dude, call me anytime day or night, that goes for any of friends on here or even newbies. please 209-532-7829


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Feel better, NW.

You're gonna be fine.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

big hugs from everyone here NW. 

look up..see that bit of sunshine..its yours.. go grab it.. good things will come.. you'll see..

so sorry though. It's a hard place when you get sad again

This too shall pass.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I'm sorry, NW. I know it hurts like nothing you've ever felt before. We can't take that pain away, but I hope you can somehow feel our arms around you. 

Stay strong. Be good to yourself. It doesn't seem like it now, but time will help and your heart will heal.

Hug.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hey, buddy!

I'm so sorry you had such a rough day yesterday...

Things to keep in mind:
1) You're awesome!!!!
2) It's her loss - not yours
3) She's no longer the person you fell in love with
4) Once you get thru all this crap you're gonna come out a better person on the other side - she, however, will most likely continue making the same mistakes
5) You've got friends here that care about you

Chin up, darlin', you're gonna get thru this!!! Make that call today!!!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Checking in, NW -- how are you, hon?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Checking in, NW -- how are you, hon?


Same here, NW. Let us know how you're doing.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Physically I have a cold. 1st time being sick in probably 15 years. I assume its because I sat outside in the cold drinking all night the other day. Over the weekend some a$$hat in Norfolk Virgina somehow got my checkcard number and made a fake card. So I had to cancel my card and I'm waiting on another. Then I have to dispute the charges. Oh joy.

On the emotional side. I've been very depressed. I can't stop seeing my wife's face and remembering. I'm a emotional wreck. I may just not be strong enough for all of this. I have troubles putting everything in to words or thinking clearly. I feel like I'm in shock. So much has happened in such a small period in my life. This whole year has felt like someone up there is trying to beat me down. I thought having to put down my long time dog of 14 years while in my arms was a low point back in feb and ever since then its been a long list of non stop bad luck for me. Including tons of minor things too many to list. Then my wife leaving me for someone else and my best friend having a stroke and dying. I just can't seem to catch a break. I feel run down and tired. Miserable, lonely and well just tired of it all. I use to be so upbeat. Laughing all the time, cracking jokes. Now I feel like a walking zombie.

I don't want to come on here anymore and just sound like a pathetic loser. No one wants to hear that. I have nobody check up on me, call me or anything. You guys are the only ones who seem to care.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

We do, NW -- we care about you. Did you make the call to get a counseling appointment? You have been through a lot of loss in the last year. It makes sense that it's taking a toll on you. There are some things you just need help to get through. It's better than self-medicating. If you can find a good counselor, it will make things a lot better by helping you learn skills to get through those things that come along in life. Big things are never easy, but that pile of minor things can often feel just as bad as they add up. 

I've been helped a ton -- no, a couple of tons, lol -- by finding both a good therapist, group therapy, and a free support group (actually made some friends in my support groups, too). Look in your area for people dealing with grief or loss, or divorce specifically. 

You're going through a tough stretch, hon, no doubt. But you are a great guy, NW. Don't give up on yourself. Give yourself the gift of getting through this in a healthy way, so that you can have a better life. Hugs, sweetie.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

We do care NW and as time passes you will begin to heal. I think the only reason I am not as down as you are is the fact I got two kids to keep me busy. Hang in there you got nowhere to go but up.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Oh NW, we're here for you!!!

Like AP said, you've gone thru a hell of a lot this past year... it's only normal that you feel really beat up about it - anyone would.

You're best bet is to get into some kind of counseling/therapy darlin'. It'll give you an outlet in a professional setting with someone that can hear you out and help you sift thru your emotions. Group sessions are great, too - they allow you to meet other folks that you can relate to since they're experiencing the same situation you are. Please look into it...

In the meantime - take care of yourself, health and heart wise. Snuggle up with your two adorable buddies, some hot soup and a good movie... like Top Gun! Who doesn't like Top Gun???!!!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Here for ya, sweetie.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Here for you too NW , hope you feel better


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hey buddy!

How's it going on the homefront? You feeling any better mind/health wise?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yep. I'm feeling much better. Other then I still have a cold.

Out of all the books I've read I think the one I bought for my dogs had more to offer then all the others. Sections in it about horse trainers/dogs trainers and how they can control animals just be sheer will and projection. All species on earth instinctively use all their senses and can recognize subtle movements, chemistry changes through smell and can feel your energy and read you. Humans have this ability, but we ignore instinct and try to lie and fake our moods and feelings. For instance we may be projecting a negative energy, but pretend like we are fine. Animals can see through this. Humans can to, but have long since abandoned much of these instincts that work so well for mother nature and all its creatures. Really interesting stuff.

It talks about how your animals can sense how you feel and teaches you to be mindful of the energy you are projecting ( positive or negative). In the animal world depression is considered a weakness and confidence is what decides strong leaders. Since I'm my dogs leaders I'm trying to mindful of not only thinking positive, but projecting it as well. Since you can't hide your emotions from animals. They see through you no matter how much you pretend to smile and act. I guess It made me want to get more in tune with my instincts and feelings and my connection to the world around me. 

Plus the part about how Animals don't reminisce about the past or fear for the future. They just live in the now. So that is me. 

I still get lonely sometimes just because I still have no real friends to hang out with. I'm pushing any idea of dating or seeing anyone romantically out the window for now. I don't need that. Though I do want and need to be held, touched and loved I think I can persevere for awhile.

I still have a lot to do and need to keep getting things for the house. Now I have all the new furniture in my bedroom and nothing on the walls. Also need lamps. Trying to decide what color to paint my Kitchen to go with the new table and if I want to paint the bedroom. 

I've only bought one piece of art for above my fireplace. It was rather expensive, but I like it. I probably need to wait till after Xmas to go to a art gallery and find more though. Kind of plowing through money these last few months. 

Plus one of my dogs scratched his eye or something Tuesday. So I may have to take them back to the Vet. I take them both because they can't stand to be separated. They will whine and howl. So I usually take the other one in to have his nails trimmed.

The kicker is since I still don't have my checkcard I have to use cash or check for everything. Which sucks. Feel lost without it.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

ok did the dog thing scare you? I'm not some new agey kind of guy here. That book just really turned a light on in my head. I guess I was trying to act happy and think positive too much and just not _being_ that way. Its hard to explain.

Since I care for my pups so much its easy to be this way for them.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

My dogs are my babies, too, NW.

In fact, one of my boys is taking up all the room in my lap, right now, preventing me from effectively TAM'ing.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yep I can't wait to get home every night to watch their little butts wag in excitement. Too darn cute for anybody to resist!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Check out my album, on my profile.

There are pictures of all three of my lovebugs.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Aww adorable. I told you my last dog was a toy poodle. They have such character. And you've seen my two little hellions. I hate they will be 1 year old in Feb. They grow up so quickly!

Maybe I'll make a album of them!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Aww adorable. I told you my last dog was a toy poodle. They have such character. And you've seen my two little hellions. I hate they will be 1 year old in Feb. They grow up so quickly!
> 
> Maybe I'll make a album of them!


I've got a great dane and lilly is my toy poodle...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I posted some pictures of my babies on my profile. See if they work.

I only set it for contacts to see so I assume that means people in my friends list here.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I posted some pictures of my babies on my profile. See if they work.

Also I put the dates and their ages on there for every picture so you can watch them grow up sort of.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Awww, they're adorable, NW!! What breed are they?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Aren't they. They are the sweetest little angels!

The story is I went to get one of them at the local rescue shelter and out of the whole litter there was only one little runt left. He was short and fat compared to all the others. I couldn't bare to leave him alone without his brother. So I got them both.

Anyway they were found in a ditch with their mother who is a Terrier. Its anyone's guess what breed their father was. I'm assuming a Dachshund, but they don't have short legs or anything so maybe its another breed or even another mixed dog.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I was thinking the same thing -- maybe a bit Dachsie, but then when you look at another pic, it doesn't look like it so much. 

I'm glad you have them, NW. I can tell they make you really happy.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yep I don't think I could have gotten through this without them.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Of course the dog thing didn't scare me! You knnow how I love me some puppies!!! (They're all puppies to me, no matter how old!)

Sorry - been a crazy week at work - we signed another boat last Friday :smthumbup:, a 50 some foot express - so my week has been filled doing quote requests and orders for the job... and my boss has been in a lot so I can only goof off but so much! When I get home at night I basically crash!

I'm glad you're being positive - it's def a step in the right direction! And focusing on something that makes you happy always makes the process of being positive a little more easy... if that makes sense...???

Keep up the good work, NW!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Whateva! You know I'm more important then a job. Jeez.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Whateva! You know I'm more important then a job. Jeez.


Haha!

Well, sombody has got to put food in Spaz's bowl!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

You better feed that baby. When I dognap him I want a healthy dog to take home.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Come dognap my Lab, please.

If he eats one more sock, I'm sending him to live with the ex.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

You let that poor baby eat as many socks as he wants!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> You let that poor baby eat as many socks as he wants!


Really?

Do you know how much an obstruction surgery is?

He gets, at least, a weekly dose of peroxide, to induce the vomiting of MY cute socks.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Really?
> 
> Do you know how much an obstruction surgery is?


No, but I soon will since it seems my dogs find every loose screw and object they can and swallow them. No matter how much I clean up or walk around the backyard looking for stray objects they always seem to find something unhealthy to chew on and eat. 

They also tear holes in my socks.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> No, but I soon will since it seems my dogs find every loose screw and object they can and swallow them. No matter how much I clean up or walk around the backyard looking for stray objects they always seem to find something unhealthy to chew on and eat.
> 
> They also tear holes in my socks.


They only do that which you allow


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

As long as they don't chew holes in your feet....or any other important parts!

Sorry, H is away. Feeling.....silly.

Welcome back, Conrad. Hope all is well.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Frostflower said:


> As long as they don't chew holes in your feet....or any other important parts!
> 
> Sorry, H is away. Feeling.....silly.
> 
> Welcome back, Conrad. Hope all is well.


Everything is fine.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Everything is fine.


Glad to hear it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Frostflower said:


> Glad to hear it.


Hope you are doing well also.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Hope you are doing well also.


R is out of town for the weekend visiting his mother.

She is happily 'free' for the weekend.

Frosty seems to be doing great these days.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> R is out of town for the weekend visiting his mother.
> 
> She is happily 'free' for the weekend.
> 
> Frosty seems to be doing great these days.


So, she's moved from codependent to happy when he's gone.

Progress.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> So, she's moved from codependent to happy when he's gone.
> 
> Progress.


Yes.

From what she's said throughout threads she is doing rather well.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I believe she's even happy when he's there, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

angelpixie said:


> I believe she's even happy when he's there, too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


THAT is progress


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I believe she's even happy when he's there, too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A bonus to the cause no?

:rofl:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Good to see you Conrad! Hope things are going good.

Boy my Saturday nights are looking up! Went shopping.
I'm such a party animal!

My poor dog had to go to the vet today. He's got a scratched cornea.
Now I have to give him medicine 4 times a day. 

Oh well hope everything is going great for everyone this weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I believe she's even happy when he's there, too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is. Very.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> She is. Very.


:smthumbup:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

OK hijacking of my thread will not be tolerated! Where's the culprit! 

:2gunsfiring_v1:


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> OK hijacking of my thread will not be tolerated! Where's the culprit!
> 
> :2gunsfiring_v1:


<---


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

:lol:


stop it!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> :lol:
> 
> 
> stop it!


I don't have a thread of my own.

Yours feels so welcoming.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> :lol:
> 
> 
> stop it!


I'd like to point out that, although my name was bandied about, I had nothing to do with it!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> I'd like to point out that, although my name was bandied about, I had nothing to do with it!


The exact thing a criminal mastermind would say to thwart being implicated!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Well I finally got me a Xmas tree last night. Bought a fake 8 footer some new lights and ornaments. I couldn't imagine my puppies first Xmas not having a tree. Took me from about 6PM till 11pm to get it all up. Had no idea how much of a pain it was to fan out all those branches when there are almost 2000 individual tips, but I didn't feel like dealing with a real tree this year.

Kind of sad I had to take one of my dogs back to the vet for a checkup on his eye this morning. I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear back. The last few days there have been moments where I thought it was getting better and he would open it, but then later he'd keep it shut and it looked like he hasn't got any better. 
Bless his heart.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Well I finally got me a Xmas tree last night. Bought a fake 8 footer some new lights and ornaments. I couldn't imagine my puppies first Xmas not having a tree. Took me from about 6PM till 11pm to get it all up. Had no idea how much of a pain it was to fan out all those branches when there are almost 2000 individual tips, but I didn't feel like dealing with a real tree this year.
> 
> Kind of sad I had to take one of my dogs back to the vet for a checkup on his eye this morning. I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear back. The last few days there have been moments where I thought it was getting better and he would open it, but then later he'd keep it shut and it looked like he hasn't got any better.
> Bless his heart.


Bless your heart, NW. Not many men would get a Christmas tree for their puppies. You have a heart of mush! 

I hope the little one's eye is all right.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm keeping your baby in my thoughts, hon. 

My girl had an ear infection, over the weekend, and it had me worried for three days.

Let's see a picture of your tree! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Awesome job on the tree, darlin'.

It's good that you're still getting in the spirit, if only for the pups sake! Spaz loves checking out the presents under our tree - I'm trying to get her to open a few...

I'm so sorry for the little one's eye - poor fella. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you get a good report back from the vet.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Let's see a picture of your tree!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its kind of blurry. Need to take a better picture when I get home. Also I need to get a tree skirt to surround the base and add presents!
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/nowhere-albums-xmas+tree-picture2754-img-2808.jpg

Also I posted a pic of my poor baby and his scratched eye. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/nowhere-albums-xmas+tree-picture2755-img-2817.jpg


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Uh no comments on my beautiful tree? WTF! 

issed:


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Uh no comments on my beautiful tree? WTF!
> 
> issed:


Been mashing F5 for a while have you?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Uh no comments on my beautiful tree? WTF!
> 
> issed:


I looove the tree, NW!

Even more, though, I love the color of your walls!

And the sweet puppy...

Oh. Em. Gee.

Melts my heart!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> And the sweet puppy...
> 
> Oh. Em. Gee.
> 
> Melts my heart!


 I know. I'm still waiting on the vet to call!! Driving me banana's!



UpnOver said:


> Been mashing F5 for a while have you?


Nope I just tape the button down! :smthumbup:


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I know. I'm still waiting on the vet to call!! Driving me banana's!


Let us know when you hear!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mega awesome tree!!! Very bright!!!:smthumbup:

I like the pup better thou... I am biased.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Lovely tree, NW! 

And I hope you get good puppy news from your vet. ray:


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Bah humbug on the season....lol, tree looks bomb dude & I love the dogs names.!!


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Okay, how come everyone can see the pictures except me? Is there a rider on them that says, 'everyone but Frostflower'?!! Its because of the hijack, isn't it? I am NOT a criminal mastermind! It was Up!!!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Okay, how come everyone can see the pictures except me? Is there a rider on them that says, 'everyone but Frostflower'?!! Its because of the hijack, isn't it? I am NOT a criminal mastermind! It was Up!!!


Shmeeee!?

Twasn't shmeeee!!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I looove the tree, NW!
> 
> *Even more, though, I love the color of your walls!*
> 
> ...


I'm glad you said this, K. I was going to post the same thing, but I was afraid it would sound creepy. Since nobody thinks you're creepy, I can go ahead and just echo you.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I'm glad you said this, K. I was going to post the same thing, but I was afraid it would sound creepy. Since nobody thinks you're creepy, I can go ahead and just echo you.


C'mon, sweetie.

You're commenting on the bedroom window stalker's thread.

I am convinced that every level of creepy is welcome here.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Shmeeee!?
> 
> Twasn't shmeeee!!


Yes, shoooooo.

And shore doing it again!

Seriously, all I get is a blank screen. No pictures.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NW -did you ever hear back from the vet???


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Okay, how come everyone can see the pictures except me? Is there a rider on them that says, 'everyone but Frostflower'?!! Its because of the hijack, isn't it? I am NOT a criminal mastermind! It was Up!!!


 I have my pictures set to private. I sent you a friends request so you can see them. Also I'm not buying the "I'm not a criminal mastermind thing'. I envision you holding your pinky up to your mouth like Dr Evil every time you post something. 



HappyKaty said:


> I am convinced that every level of creepy is welcome here.


 You say creepy I say kinky. Kind of like the tomato tomahtoe thing only a little more interesting. 



Eternal Embrace said:


> NW -did you ever hear back from the vet???


 Yep. I picked him up yesterday about 3pm. I'm sure they got tired of me calling and asking about him over and over. The doc said it is healing and to just keep giving him is eye medicine. Hopefully he will be completely healed by Xmas. That way his big beautiful eye's will be open to see all the wonderful presents I buy him and his adorable chubby little brother!

On another note. I got the final divorce papers signed by the judge. For some reason I thought they were just the copy I already had and no one informed me they were final. So I guess I'm officially single again now after about 15 years. Feel kind of numb about the whole thing. Just feeling kind of down in general this morning. Had one of those mornings where you wake up and all the loss feels fresh and makes you go over everything in your mind. I just think I'm extremely lonely.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Sorry, hon. I'm sure I'll feel some of the same thing, even though I know it's on its way. Having it final will still feel very strange. You're not alone, sweetie, especially not here.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I just need to find someway to make myself get out there. I need to meet people. I try and tell myself I need no one, but even my super busy daily routines I stick to still leave me with a few hours at night and in the morning where I sit down and just feel utterly alone.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm so sorry, babydoll. Just know that while it hurts now - this, too, shall pass.

You've made such great progress since you've come here - and we all have our triggers and setbacks but what counts is that we recognize and work thru them - which I know you will do.

You're a totally awesome guy and one day you will find true happiness - you just have to be patient... Chin up, darlin' - your time will come. 

PS - Glad the little man will be all better by Xmas - I bet you can't wait to see both those little puppy tails waggin' when they get to see all their presents!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

You are doing phenomenal man. Really. Keep it up. I know that I will feel the same way once it happens. I may just file to get it over with, actually. 

I am with you, the hardest thing for me to do is get out there and meet new people. It will take time, but you will find someone that truly deserves having someone as awesome as you.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> PS - Glad the little man will be all better by Xmas - I bet you can't wait to see both those little puppy tails waggin' when they get to see all their presents!


 They wag their tails all the time. One of them, the hyper one, does a dance where is whole bootie shakes with his tail shaking as well while standing on his hind legs and pawing in the air with his front ones. So cute. :smthumbup:

My biggest hurdle is I just have no one to go hang out with. When I say no one. I'm not being in general or implying just no one I would want to hang out with. I literally know no one. Everyone i interact with is at work and all of them are way older then me and don't go out. They all have husbands/wives. 

Its easier to meet people in groups then going somewhere alone and approaching people you don't know to make friends.

Sometimes it angers me as I imagine my ex is having a whirlwind romance with her new lover and hanging out and partying with all her, our, friends.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Oh well at least I have my two babies and a Xmas tree! Another week and a half and I'll be off till Jan 7th! Going to be hard to keep busy for that long. If I hadn't spent so much on the house and all the junk I've been buying I might have contemplated going on a vacation somewhere for Xmas like London, Paris or somewhere warmer. Then again I don't want to miss my puppies first Xmas or leave them alone. Maybe I can find a condo in the Florida panhandle that allows dogs. Then they could run up and down the beach! That's an idea. Or maybe take the train to New Orleans for Xmas eve or day. Love taking the train it comes highly recommended. Buy the nicer cabin and get hammered all the way down there. 

Of course all of these things would be better with someone by my side. 

**edit** sorry. I'm trying to not be a sour puss.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Where's Conrad 2x4s when we need them.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Where's Conrad 2x4s when we need them.


yeah I could use them. Need to build me a deck in the backyard. :smthumbup:


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hi, dear.

Have you ever looked into Meetup.com? 

It seems like an amazing way to meet new people.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> yeah I could use them. Need to build me a deck in the backyard. :smthumbup:


Funny.

I used to say the same thing to Conrad.

After the deck I built a fence.

I got a lot of lumber back in the day.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I did, but in my area there are no groups unless I want to go to a atheist group or a group for moms. Neither of which I would fit in with.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Funny.
> 
> I used to say the same thing to Conrad.
> 
> ...


I think you and Script are the kings of lumber from Conrad...lol


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> I think you and Script are the kings of lumber from Conrad...lol


I dont. Know.....me & up got so much lumber we were going to build a clubhouse at one time


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> I dont. Know.....me & up got so much lumber we were going to build a clubhouse at one time


Oh yeah, forgot about you too, OVS...now YOU are the king of lumber...LOL 

Forget the clubhouse, you could build a full 5 bedroom mansion...hahaha


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

OK I've warned you people about hijacking my thread! Don't make me have to speak in CAPS. I will do it. Don't push me! Its just a keystroke away and will terribly annoy everyone and cause you to run screaming from your computer in pain!




Is FrostFlower behind this?


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> OK I've warned you people about hijacking my thread! Don't make me have to speak in CAPS. I will do it. Don't push me! Its just a keystroke away and will terribly annoy everyone and cause you to run screaming from your computer in pain!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


BLAH BLAH BLAH. GENERIC THREATS BY NOWHERE. BLAH BLAH. 

Beat you to it.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

How old are you two?


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> OK I've warned you people about hijacking my thread! Don't make me have to speak in CAPS. I will do it. Don't push me! Its just a keystroke away and will terribly annoy everyone and cause you to run screaming from your computer in pain!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So anyone else excited about bowl season? Bama/ND should be an awesome slug-fest! 

 Nowhere


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> So anyone else excited about bowl season? Bama/ND should be an awesome slug-fest!
> 
> Nowhere


All hi-jacking jokes aside...

You don't REALLY believe that'll be a good game, do ya?


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> So anyone else excited about bowl season? Bama/ND should be an awesome slug-fest!
> 
> Nowhere


I know I am. I will be at the orange bowl this year.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I know I am. I will be at the orange bowl this year.


Wtf?

You're a State fan?

Go Gators.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Yes, I do ... Two run first teams. Bama should win though... Too much depth. 

And... GO GATORS indeed!!!!

I am an alum ... Got my undergrad there


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> Yes, I do ... Two run first teams. Bama should win though... Too much depth.
> 
> And... GO GATORS indeed!!!!
> 
> I am an alum ... Got my undergrad there


I'm a Michigan fan, but I heart Florida, too.

PS. Nick Saban will NOT lose to Notre Dame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Go buckeyes


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

OVS, those are fighting words.

Please believe that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Wtf?
> 
> You're a State fan?
> 
> Go Gators.


ExWife went to UF. Enough said.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Wife went to UF. Enough said.


With that being said...

Go Seminoles.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> With that being said...
> 
> Go Seminoles.


Exactly. I plan to scream my little heart out.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

LOL! 

I like that edit, Hermes.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Hermes said:


> ExWife went to UF. Enough said.


Well mine did too ... But that's where I met her  

She doesn't get my school in the D


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> LOL!
> 
> I like that edit, Hermes.


I thought you would. 

And yet I was too slow for you to miss it. Like a little ninja you are.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> Well mine did too ... But that's where I met her
> 
> She doesn't get my school in the D


Well, I can't hold that against you then. In your case, Go Gators.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I thought you would.
> 
> And yet I was too slow for you to miss it. Like a little ninja you are.


That comes from all the years of searching for the truth.

FML.

NoWhere is gonna kill us, bt-dub.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> That comes from all the years of searching for the truth.
> 
> FML.
> 
> NoWhere is gonna kill us, bt-dub.


Nowhere,

As you can tell, this was all frosts fault. 

There katy. Problem solved.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hermes said:


> BLAH BLAH BLAH. GENERIC THREATS BY NOWHERE. BLAH BLAH.
> 
> Beat you to it.


 I think I'll handle this thread hijack the same way my Ex handles things and give up without a fight.

I hope all of you get coal in your stockings. 

By the way I added two more pictures to my Xmas pictures. Both of my babies.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> By the way I added two more pictures to my Xmas pictures. Both of my babies.


Presh!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Almost looks like the one is winking at you! His eye is much better today. He's much cuter when you can see his big beautiful eyes!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I think he's an adorable little winker.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I think I'll handle this thread hijack the same way my Ex handles things and give up without a fight.
> 
> I hope all of you get coal in your stockings.
> 
> By the way I added two more pictures to my Xmas pictures. Both of my babies.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Another day another posting of more puppy pictures. All the pics are from this morning. Yes I have no life! 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/nowhere-albums-more+pics.html


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Another day another posting of more puppy pictures. All the pics are from this morning. Yes I have no life!
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/nowhere-albums-more+pics.html


I think your life looks nice.

Nice dogs.
Nice tree.
Nice home.

Now get out there, and start meeting some nice girls who will love all of the above.

Sorry. Forgot this.

Nice guy. Too nice. 

But we are working on being too nice aren't we NoWhere.

Now go on. 

HM64


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Pups are adorable as always!!!

And I am so gonna heist that painting above your fireplace... freakin' awesome!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Pups are adorable as always!!!
> 
> And I am so gonna heist that painting above your fireplace... freakin' awesome!


I was going to say the same thing....


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Another day another posting of more puppy pictures. All the pics are from this morning. Yes I have no life!
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/nowhere-albums-more+pics.html


Your fireplace is sick.

And, the painting.

Oh, I like your couch, too.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

You have very nice taste, NW. Tired puppies are so cute -- posing for pictures is hard work, no?


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Your fireplace is sick.
> 
> And, the painting.
> 
> Oh, I like your couch, too.


Too bad as soon as I pick out new living room furniture the couch is probably going to goodwill.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Too bad as soon as I pick out new living room furniture the couch is probably going to goodwill.


We'll pretend my name is Goodwill.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> We'll pretend my name is Goodwill.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Nice to meet you Goodwill. 


Any suggestions on what to do this weekend that don't involve me drinking too much or nonstop shopping?


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Nice to meet you Goodwill.
> 
> 
> *Any suggestions on what to do this weekend that don't involve me drinking too much or nonstop shopping?*


Stop making excuses?

Learn the gift of Self Control and Self Awareness?

A few select suggestions.

I have more if you'd like.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I have plenty of self control. Just bored and trying to think of things to do.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

If you like shopping, go to someplace that has a tree where you can pick up a tag for a kid who needs presents. Shop for them. You'll feel good knowing you're going to make someone's Christmas better.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I have plenty of self control. Just bored and trying to think of things to do.


Then why bother placing the 'drinking' aspect into your comment?

Curious to know about that.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> If you like shopping, go to someplace that has a tree where you can pick up a tag for a kid who needs presents. Shop for them. You'll feel good knowing you're going to make someone's Christmas better.


That's a pretty cool idea.

They don't do that in my city.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Our mall does it, I think Walmart does it, too. Then the Marines sponsor Toys for Tots. They have boxes everywhere. (U.S., obviously).


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Then why bother placing the 'drinking' aspect into your comment?
> 
> Curious to know about that.


It was tongue in cheek. I said things to do that 'don't' include drinking.

Not saying I don't drink. I usually have a glass or two of wine every other day or so, but I don't drink myself into some sort of stupor.

Don't worry Up. My feet are planted firmly on the ground. I may get lonely, sad and bored sometimes, but I'm not stupid or crazy depressed or anything. Well maybe I'm a little crazy, but aren't we all. 

Usually I'm a very upbeat person.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> If you like shopping, go to someplace that has a tree where you can pick up a tag for a kid who needs presents. Shop for them. You'll feel good knowing you're going to make someone's Christmas better.


 I like those much better then where you just buy a toy and drop it off. Which you can do at Toys R Us. At least with the tree tag thing you have a clue who you are buying the present for which makes it feel more personal.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Wow I went into the 'Considering Divorce' thread here and. Just wow how depressing. Seems like 4-5 new people every day. All with basically the same problems. 

I'm serious that couples should have to go through a lengthy counseling and education class on how to make relationships work before being granted a marriage license. 

Just so sad to see so many hurt and confused people.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

I agree nowhere. I have never been to that sub forums and I will never go there. I wouldn't be much help. 

I just don't get how our culture has become one that approves of these throw-away marriages. My wife couldn't even come up with a decent reason for ilybinilwy ... She just wanted to become a party girl and to date her 27 yr old boy toy. 

It's gotten ridiculous. There should be mandatory counseling.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

....slapped bottoms all round I say!


morals have grown wings and flown out the lets-forget-fixing things windows 

ach.... hate it.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hey, NW, finally I can see some pictures! those puppies are adorable, and I love the shot of you yawning. 

Is that a snow-globe on your mantle? I love snow-globes.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So... did you get any baking done this weekend???


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Nope. Didn't really do much this weekend. Took the dogs to the park and played some Frisbee golf was about it. Did cook up some of my awesome spaghetti. Fresh cut Garlic, Mushrooms, a Shallot, Some fresh tomato's and paste and all the seasonings plus some cooking wine. Threw in some ground sirloin and cooked some Italian sausage on the grill. Took a few hours, but it was worth it. After that I was pretty useless the rest of the day and just had a few beers and relaxed. 

Stayed up till about 3AM Sat so Sunday I was just lazy all day. It rained all day and me and the puppies took a lot of naps. 



Frostflower said:


> Hey, NW, finally I can see some pictures! those puppies are adorable, and I love the shot of you yawning.
> 
> Is that a snow-globe on your mantle? I love snow-globes.


Yep its a Xmas snow globe with Santa in it. Forgot who got it for me one year.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Nope. Didn't really do much this weekend. Took the dogs to the park and played some Frisbee golf was about it. Did cook up some of my awesome spaghetti. Fresh cut Garlic, Mushrooms, a Shallot, Some fresh tomato's and paste and all the seasonings plus some cooking wine. Threw in some ground sirloin and cooked some Italian sausage on the grill. Took a few hours, but it was worth it. After that I was pretty useless the rest of the day and just had a few beers and relaxed.


O.M.F.G. - that sounds sooooo yummy!!! Why are you making my tummy growl this early - and for things I could never get my paws on on the island??? Not cool, NW, not cool!!!

I'd be pretty worthless too after that meal - you know, food coma having kicked in and all - and some beers on top of that - yeah, good luck getting me off the couch!!!

You should really hit up those cooking classes - it sounds like it's something you're obviously good at and enjoy - and you never know, by the way your cooking sounds you might just show the rest of the class a thing or two!



NoWhere said:


> Stayed up till about 3AM Sat so Sunday I was just lazy all day. It rained all day and me and the puppies took a lot of naps.


Sounds like my Sunday - minus the naps, but since I didn't take them I ended up falling asleep at like 9pm last night - jeez I felt like an old lady. It was all rainy here, too, yesterday, and again today - not really helping my Monday motivation...


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> O.M.F.G. - that sounds sooooo yummy!!! Why are you making my tummy growl this early - and for things I could never get my paws on on the island??? Not cool, NW, not cool!!!


 You should try my Alfredo and Fettuccine. Also use freshly cut Garlic, Mushrooms, Shallots and throw in some yellow squash. Simmer some Spinach leaves in milk/wine before adding cheeses ( Romano, Provolone, Parmesan Freshly grated of course!) and seasonings. I saute the garlic, onion, mushrooms, squash in olive oil & butter before adding to the mix and simmering till perfection. Sometimes I'll serve it with Fresh broccoli on top and either blackened chicken or shrimp from the grill. Also you can add some crab meat into it to make it even more delightful. Absolutely sinful tasting 

That's one thing I know my wife will miss. I use to cook at least 3-5 meals a week for her that she absolutely loved. Use to almost always grill a fat Ribeye a week for her and on Saturdays and Sundays I always was up early making a huge breakfast. You know eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Pancakes, Hash Browns, Toast, etc. Yummy!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Ok, so now my mouth is totally watering and all I have to look forward to is my damn microwaveable Lean Cuisine lunch... Damn you, NW, damn you!!!


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That's one thing I know my wife will miss. I use to cook at least 3-5 meals a week for her that she absolutely loved. Use to almost always grill a fat Ribeye a week for her and on Saturdays and Sundays I always was up early making a huge breakfast. You know eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Pancakes, Hash Browns, Toast, etc. Yummy!


You're such a Nice Guy.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> You're such a Nice Guy.


Nope the meals were for me. She just happened to live there.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Added two more pics. Yes I'm bored out of my mind. Thanks for asking


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Heh.

They're so dang cute.

They're brothers, yeah?


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Heh.
> 
> They're so dang cute.
> 
> They're brothers, yeah?


Yep. On both counts. Love those little guys to death.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Awww...

Little guy's eye looks to be doing much better than last week!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thank goodness. I was so worried about him. I just hope it doesn't happen again. The two of them rough house a lot together. Maybe I should buy them both doggie goggles!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Thank goodness. I was so worried about him. I just hope it doesn't happen again. The two of them rough house a lot together. Maybe I should buy them both doggie goggles!


Ha! Doggles!!! A dog on my street has them and wears them whenever he goes riding in the back of his Daddy's truck - they even have flames on them - so awesome!!!

I worry about Spaz's eyes, too, esp since she's bug-eyed - people think since she's small she can play with their cats and I'm all "are they declawed??? cause is not her eyes are gonna get hurt!!!" Fortunately for her thou we've never had any problems with her peepers!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Another day. Another pic post. Limited edition. Me and the pups in front of the tree.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

So, how are you doing today NW?


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Doing fine. Thanks for asking. I have my down moments, but it seems to be getting easier to push the ex out of my mind. 

How about you? How are things?


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Doing fine. Thanks for asking. I have my down moments, but it seems to be getting easier to push the ex out of my mind.
> 
> How about you? How are things?


rainbows and sunshine, my friend. 

Every day it gets easier to not care about what is going on in her life. 

I am in a great mood today. 

I am glad that it is getting better for you.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Another day. Another pic post. Limited edition. Me and the pups in front of the tree.


I may be dense (no comment, NW!), but where the heck are the pictures???


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> I may be dense (no comment, NW!), but where the heck are the pictures???


Just click on my profile and look for photo albums. Don't let the pictures fool you. I'm scarier in person.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Just click on my profile and look for photo albums. Don't let the pictures fool you. I'm scarier in person.


After three unsuccessful tries, I finally figured out that you have to click on 'member's area' up in the corner.

Nice picture. Not scary at all, Cutie Pie!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Why thanks that's sweet. I was beginning to wonder. Posted pictures of my puppies and get a bunch of responses then post one of myself and nothing. Its not like I'm overflowing with self esteem as it is. 

I added two more to give you an idea of what I went through trying to get those puppies to sit still. lol. Notice in not one of them are they looking at the camera. Instead of being good little models they were trying to lick me the whole time.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Ahem. The 'Awww' was for all 3 of you.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Awwww You always know the right thing to say to make me smile Angel! Thanks! 

I needed that. I've been kind of down this morning. Strange how sometimes I feel just fine and my ex never enters my mind then sometimes it just hits me as if it happened yesterday. Slowly that's starting to fade.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Awwww You always know the right thing to say to make me smile Angel! Thanks!
> 
> I needed that. I've been kind of down this morning. Strange how sometimes I feel just fine and my ex never enters my mind then sometimes it just hits me as if it happened yesterday. Slowly that's starting to fade.


Gets better over time.

Being indifferent when you realize that you haven't thought of her in a while is important.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Awwww You always know the right thing to say to make me smile Angel! Thanks!
> 
> I needed that. I've been kind of down this morning. Strange how sometimes I feel just fine and my ex never enters my mind then sometimes it just hits me as if it happened yesterday. Slowly that's starting to fade.


I think that's normal, NW. My H and I have reconciled, but every once in a while, my mind wanders back to his affair and the pain it caused and it hurts all over again. Not as bad, but it hurts nonetheless. 

I think you just have to ride it out. I'm glad its starting to fade for you. 

As for getting the pups to pose for the picture, yesterday one of my aides was trying to get a picture of four of our special needs children who were sitting on the couch together looking oh so cute. What a procedure! She showed me all of her attempts. One would move, one would shut his eyes, one would turn his head, etc., etc. She never did get a perfect shot, although each one was perfect in its own way.

Have a good day, NW.


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Glad your getting better at this. Your comments have been a great help for me NW. :smthumbup:


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Just stopping in to say "Hey, NW!!!"

Hope your day is going good and you're doing well!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

How are you doin', sweetie?


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

He tends not to appear on the weekends.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I didn't realize that. Thanks.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I don't know what to say or how to say it. I kept busy all day. got up early, went out for coffee and went to Lowes to buy stuff for projects around the house. Picked up a huge ribeye steak to grill. Went home and just basically worked around the house cleaning and fixing up things. Lifted weights for a hour till I was exhausted. Pigged out on my steak, it was yummy, then took the dogs walking in the park for a hour or so till I could barely walk.
Then we all came home for a puppy nap.  

I should of had a great day, but I just feel empty and sad. Nothing i do makes me terribly happy. Id rather scrub the shower, mop the floors etc then watch tv, read a book or any form of entertainment. My house is spotless. It's the only time I'm not thinking is when I'm working at something.

Otherwise I'm lonely, unsure, wondering why I deserved this, why no one cares, why am I alone. My mind feels foggy and its impossible for me to understand so I can't explain it here even if I wanted to. I just try not to think. I guess it's the holidays. I'm off for two weeks. I have no idea how to fill all that time other then just keeping busy till I drop. 

I hope everyone has a merry Xmas. My tree came out really beautiful i think and now its lined with presents for the puppies. I went a little overboard with that of course. I should be smiling and happy, but I just feel confused. It hurts trying to think what to say here. So i won't say anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thanks for checking in, NW. You know there are a lot of us here that understand what you're going through. 

All you can do is keep moving, and keep on doing things. It's OK to not think about what's going on in the rest of your life. The holidays won't go on forever, and then you'll have work to keep you busy, too. 

Keep posting here and don't worry if you don't have anything deep or earth-shattering to say.  We just want to know that you're OK. Big hug to you, sweetie.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Here for you, hon. 

Hugs!


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

You don't deserve this, Honey. No-one does. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through it. And you will be stronger for it.

The holiday season likely has a lot to do with the intensity of your feelings. Its a hard time to be alone. Do you have any family to spend time with?

Try to keep busy. You have a camera. Go out and capture the season with it. Play with the photos on your computer. If you don't have a photography program, treat yourself to one. see what you can create and share your art with us.

Just a suggestion. 

Hang in there. And come and talk to us. We care.

HUG>


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Happy Christmas NW to you and pups.

We are all proud of you


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Hope you have a great Christmas NW. You deserve it. You're not completely alone, we're all here for you even if it's just to vent.

To quote your goodself..



NoWhere said:


> I'm pulling for ya. Hang in there. You won't always feel the way you do now and things will become better for you. :smthumbup:


Good advice for me, is good advice for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I don't know what to say or how to say it. I kept busy all day. got up early, went out for coffee and went to Lowes to buy stuff for projects around the house. Picked up a huge ribeye steak to grill. Went home and just basically worked around the house cleaning and fixing up things. Lifted weights for a hour till I was exhausted. Pigged out on my steak, it was yummy, then took the dogs walking in the park for a hour or so till I could barely walk.
> Then we all came home for a puppy nap.
> 
> I should of had a great day, but I just feel empty and sad. Nothing i do makes me terribly happy. Id rather scrub the shower, mop the floors etc then watch tv, read a book or any form of entertainment. My house is spotless. It's the only time I'm not thinking is when I'm working at something.
> ...



Dude!

Come clean my house! That will give you something to do! I've been trying to get at my dust bunnies for weeks but been too depressed and I have a small little lake house...you could go ice fishing inbetween! I want to do some painting too...so um..if your 'that' bored...grab some pledge man....c'mon over...lol....I need it!!! I've just lost my energy to clean my home and I hate it... I don't have company for anyone to see it anymore anyway so I sort of 'gave up'...crappy thinking ..huh


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Thinking of ya nw


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just stopping by to say hello, NW. I know this Christmas isn't very merry for you, but I hope you and your puppies are having fun just the same.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

You guys are all so sweet and kind to me. I wish you all the best.
I'm just such a wreck right now. With her not even on my mind today I was just walking into my bedroom for some reason or another and just broke down. I haven't stopped tearing up and crying since.
I'm going to snuggle up with my puppies and just go to sleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hugs to you, sweetie. It will get better.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Merry Christmas to you and the pups, NW. Bet they'll have a blast opening their presents. My dog has already checked out every package under the tree.

Be good to yourself, NW. 

Big Christmas HUG.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> You guys are all so sweet and kind to me. I wish you all the best.
> I'm just such a wreck right now. With her not even on my mind today I was just walking into my bedroom for some reason or another and just broke down. I haven't stopped tearing up and crying since.
> I'm going to snuggle up with my puppies and just go to sleep.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm giving you a really really big bear hug...I wish I could for real for you and I both! 

x0x0x0


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Merry Christmas NW. 

Sending you our love and wishes across the miles.

Look after those pups. Look after you.


*sprinkles happy sparkly thingies into the air to add a little magic.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Merry Xmas! Thanks for all the hugs and Xmas cheer! Even the sparkly sprinkle things, though they made me sneeze. 

The puppies opened their presents with a little help from me this morning.. It's amazing the stuffed animals Santa brought survived an hour of assault and puppy play carnage. Luckily they got a reprieve and the puppies are now going to town on some rawhide bones, Probably elf made.  they're currently laying in my lap in the dark with the Xmas tree shining down on us listening to old Xmas songs. 

Anyway hugs all around and I hope everyone has a good Christmas!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Merry Xmas! Thanks for all the hugs and Xmas cheer! Even the sparkly sprinkle things, though they made me sneeze.
> 
> The puppies opened their presents with a little help from me this morning.. It's amazing the stuffed animals Santa brought survived an hour of assault and puppy play carnage. Luckily they got a reprieve and the puppies are now going to town on some rawhide bones, Probably elf made.  they're currently laying in my lap in the dark with the Xmas tree shining down on us listening to old Xmas songs.
> 
> ...


At least we know, given all the cleaning you've been doing, that it wasn't dust making you sneeze!

All the best, NW!

Oh what the heck.......here's another Christmas hug!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Merry Christmas to you and your babies, dear!

I hope you enjoyed the day.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

still waiting for you to show at my house...do some cleaning...


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Merry Christmas nowhere


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Merry Christmas, NW! (and to your pups, too) uppy:uppy:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I posted some more pics with comments. Everyone loves pup pics!. 
Sorry I haven't been posting much, I've been reading a lot and keeping up with the forum, but just find myself kind of speechless lately. Anyway hope everyone had a great Xmas!.

Stella I came by to clean your house for you , but you were out, Oh well... you snooze you lose!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Adorable pics as always, NW. 

DS is starting to pester me about getting a puppy if I buy a house. There aren't many breeds I can choose from, as I'm allergic (to dogs and cats, actually). The idea of having a dog is appealing to me, in theory , but I'm well aware that I'd be the one doing most of the caring for it, and it would limit my ability to do things even more. I know how many friends can't go places or schedule things because of their dogs -- even when they'd normally be able to do something because the ex has the kids. 

Big decision. But they sure are cute and cuddly...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Don't know what I'd do without them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I know, sweetie.


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## LoveDr (Dec 16, 2012)

Depending on several different factors this friendship of "once loved ones" is typically not a good idea. There's simply too many emotions involved and when you throw kids in the equation it usually makes it much more difficult. I would suggest you gradually move on by keeping minimum contact with her. Also put yourself back on the dating market. It's like riding a bike. Once you get back out there with the help of a few simple seduction techniques, you'll having women coming from every angle.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Nice pics, NW. I especially like the ears! Hope you put something nice under the tree for yourself. did you cook a turkey dinner for the pups


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

LoveDr said:


> Depending on several different factors this friendship of "once loved ones" is typically not a good idea. *There's simply too many emotions involved and when you throw kids in the equation it usually makes it much more difficult*. I would suggest you gradually move on by keeping minimum contact with her. Also put yourself back on the dating market. It's like riding a bike. *Once you get back out there with the help of a few simple seduction techniques, you'll having women coming from every angle*.


He doesn't have kids.

Just what kind of "Dr." are you?

:rofl:

You also do not have to 'seduce' anyone.

Once you're out of 'parlor' tricks.

You're screwed.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> He doesn't have kids.
> 
> Just what kind of "Dr." are you?
> 
> ...


Seems like that post was meant for another thread.

So, Up, are you going to share some of your parlour tricks?!!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Seems like that post was meant for another thread.
> 
> *So, Up, are you going to share some of your parlour tricks?!!*


Parlor tricks?

I don't got any.

All I gots as a very active 'imagination'.


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## Brokendowntoo (Dec 29, 2012)

Hi there NW.

Just read your posts, I have cried and laughed along the way with you, I can relate to all you have been through.

You can add another friend to your list, I live in the UK so if you want to visit, let me know and I will put you up.

BDT


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

*Gruesome Crime Scene photo:*











Victim: One Larry the Lizard aka a Xmas gift. His throat and side have appeared to be torn open and he is missing vital organs. Two plastic squeakers and lots of stuffing. No traces or clues have been found. Suspects described as dark, furry and small. Suspects appear to be at large and the public is warned to keep their doors tight and lock up any stuffed animals. 

This has been a public service announcement!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

**runs to lock all doors and windows**


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hahaha! That looks like ALL of my babies' Christmas gifts.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

At our house, its Gertie the Goose! She wasn't with us long, but will be fondly remembered every time we vacuum up her fluffy white innards.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Hey Nowhere, been lurking on your thread and I think you're doing great. It's not easy is it. So glad you have your pups, my two dogs have kept me going too.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Chopsy said:


> Hey Nowhere, been lurking on your thread and I think you're doing great. It's not easy is it. So glad you have your pups, my two dogs have kept me going too.


 So your the lurker! 

Yeah my dogs rock. Though I'm sure I get on everyone's nerves because I talk about them all the time and post a ton of pictures. I've gone back and removed a lot of the pictures. 

I probably have a unhealthy attachment to those dogs, but they are all I have and I love them to death. My only goal in life right now is to make sure they live out their lives as comfortably as possible. Everything else takes second place.



Frostflower said:


> At our house, its Gertie the Goose! She wasn't with us long, but will be fondly remembered every time we vacuum up her fluffy white innards.


Sorry to hear about Gertie. So many good stuffed animals are cut down in the prime of their lives. Sad!


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

How you doing brother?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Not too good. Had a bad week last week and just have lost all my motivation to do anything. Hopefully it will pass soon. 

How about you?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Not too good. Had a bad week last week and just have lost all my motivation to do anything. Hopefully it will pass soon.
> 
> How about you?


Sorry to hear that, NW. Keep enjoying those precious pups. It will pass.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I hope this will pass. I feel worse then I did when it all happened. I feel like I lost something special. She made me smile and laugh and well I just miss her and don't understand.

I ended up with too much time on my hands last week and every time I turned around something would spring to mind and make me cry. Didn't help that I went to clean off my phone and there were a few voice memo's she had made to me. I must have forgotten about them. All of them funny and sweet. 

I don't think anyone could ever want me again and I'm tired and ready to give up. Fixing to just delete my journal here and move on. Tired of being lonely and feeling like no one cares. I guess I'm suppose to learn to be happy by myself and not need anyone. I've tried, but I just feel so tired of everything right now. I've always kept to a strict pattern in my life. For over 7 years I've eat nothing but certain healthy foods and would work out 3 days on one day off. Exercise bike in the morning and walk the dogs at night. A routine I've stuck with for a long time. I found comfort I suppose in having a strict routine. Last week was the first week in all that time I gave up on it. Didn't exercise, ate a bunch of junk food. The only thing I kept doing was walking the dogs. I'm just sick and tired of everything right now. The only thing that brings any smile to my face is being with my dogs. Just simple tasks like getting up to make breakfast, driving to work, just everything I do I'm sick of. I don't see the point in all of it anymore except I can't abandon my dogs who depend on me and love me.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

It will pass Nowhere.

It just takes time.

And I know you have your routine but it is time to switch up your life a little.

Shake it up man.

Change your schedule because you are in a little rut.

And get out and socialize. Take the dogs to a park. Find another nice lady and talk about your dogs......


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, darlin'.

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

First off - we care, damn it!!! We're here for you when you're lonely - and so are those precious pups!!!

I know in time this feeling will pass for you - but the length of time it takes, well, that's kinda up to you. You know as well as I do that this process is one that takes time, a process where we all have our setbacks, a process where each and every one of us has to get up off the gound, dust ourselves off and keep on keeping on! Don't give up on yourself - you'd be doing you the ultimate disservice.

You need to get yourself a project - other than the house cause I think you've just about aced that - to take your mind off of things. What about your car? You got that back, right? How's the work coming on it? Or what about those cooking classes? Sweetie - you need to get yourself back out into this world again - isolating yourself is doing you absolutely no good. I know you'll have to spend a bit more time away from the pups taking on another hobby but getting your mind focused on something else will help you in the long run and by helping yourself you'll also be helping the pups have a more happy daddy.

Please don't be so hard on yourself - we all have setbacks. It's in the way we choose to deal with them that helps us move on and be better people for ourselves and our loved ones.

Chin up, babydoll...


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Sounds like it's time for a new routine!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Well apparently I have to pay all my home owners association dues up front for the whole year which is over a grand. With that and the mortgage, Xmas and everything I've been buying I'll be broke for most of this month. So the house projects have been put on hold. I still crank my car every week and its running, but it needs a new water pump. Again if I had the money right now I'd get one and that would give me something to do.

I've gone out a few times with my brother and some of his friends and just ended up feeling bad sitting around a bunch of couples. New years eve was one of them and I just ended up sad thinking about how much better things were when 2012 started. I had so many plans and dreams for 2012. Had been fixing up the house to sell to go buy a dream home. Me and the wife were looking at houses. Then we had to put our dog down and everything went downhill from there. New Years eve is also where I lost the confidence and drive I had and the rest of the week I was miserable and couldn't stop breaking down.

I feel awkward going out by myself and have no self esteem. I have no idea how to meet people and start up conversations with strangers. etc. I just feel unwanted and lost. Like I've had lots of loves in my life and have lived a fairly good one, but its over.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

This is going to be very short as I have to run off to work. NW, please hang in there. The holidays are the worst time for those in emotional pain. They remind everyone of happier times and of people who are no longer in our lives for one reason or another. It will pass.

Please don't stop coming here. We care about you (this from the girl who went head-to-head with you and wondered what kind of a blockhead you were, not seeing my point of view). I've come to know you through your posts, and I like what what I see. You will be okay. Its going to take time, but you will be.

I really have to go. Take care. I'll check in again later.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Hang in there NW, I care about you. We all care about you. We have a bond together here. NOt a good bond to have but a bond nonetheless.

I've had two first dates since this mess started and zero second dates. I must not be ready but I'm not giving up. 

I know it hurts it still consumes me too, but don't let it define you. Shake up that routine.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

You know NW....do you know much everyone here cares?...right now...for instance Im lying on my sore belly, alone again another night...but I picked up a dead rat today...that's pretty big for me.... (hold on this will make sense in a sec) and I see your post...and I'm suddenly sad for you.

Holidays are crap when we are newly single. 

So are watching youtube videos and accidently getting lost in the best marriage proposals for an hour and crying like a wuss. Yes, that's how my day started. Watching other peoples happiness and ending with a dead rat. 
So, here's the point. We all have these moments. The strongest of us and the ones slogging through the slap in the face 'how did this happen and I miss them" stages. We miss the old. It's what we knew. 

But this will pass. It always does. I promise. 

My Dead rat day aside..... you are much stronger than you think..and you need to get up and look up and see that one person is not ALLOWED to take away the spirit of you that we all see and love.

Tomorrow...you have to find some way of making the day different. Get dressed, get out....even if it's a coffee...and here is the cool thing. There is a new you to be loved and in time you will find out that you have loved before and that the next time will be even better.

Change is scary but sometimes you have to be brave and say, "stuff it." 

We all adore you. Your heart hurts and we feel it. You are a fine man and your 'one' -'your better one" is out there....but you have to go meet her. Don't look for her.....she'll come..but you have to open that door and go live now...go find YOU again. You are worth it.

We are all here. 

This too shall pass. *huggs from all your TAMers


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

It is hard, I am starting to think it's meant to be. I have so many of the same thoughts but I have been focusing on small tiny things that I never used to do. Real baby steps like actually chatting to and making eye contact with the cashier when being served in a shop.

You were a great help for me, you know what you need to do and we all hope you re-find your strength. It is still there, I promise you. Sometimes we misplace it but that's ok, we just need to pick it back up. 

No matter how tough things have been, you are still standing. Just got to put one foot in front of another now.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

How are you, NW?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

As well as can be expected I suppose. Just going through the day to day motions. I'm trying to move on, but not a day goes by where I don't miss my wife. Mostly just lonely and hoping I don't spend the rest of my life alone.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> As well as can be expected I suppose. Just going through the day to day motions. I'm trying to move on, but not a day goes by where I don't miss my wife. Mostly just lonely and hoping I don't spend the rest of my life alone.


I'm sorry you're going through this, NW. I remember the loneliness. I agree with those who have advised you to do something different, even if, as OHA said, its only a trip to the local cafe. 

Have you thought about dog-cenetered activities? Meet-ups for people and their dogs, agility training, etc. Agility looks like fun, although I think the dogs need to be a year old. Might be worth looking into and maybe visiting a session.

You won't be alone forever. You are too nice a guy. 

Hang in there.

Hug.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm going to go pick up a necklace of mine from my ex today at around 11am. Will be the first time I've seen her since Nov. I just want to grab her in my arms and kiss her. There is so much I want to say as well. I know I shouldn't do any of it. 

This just doesn't get easier. I miss her and love her so much. I want that opportunity to fix everything, but its not there.

Things haven't been getting better for me. They seem to get worse. When I was married and with her just getting a day off made me happy. Now it seems nothing I do or buy makes me truly happy like then. Lately not a day goes by where I don't see her face in my mind, miss her and cry. Yesterday I was so upset I became literally sick to my stomach


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm going to go pick up a necklace of mine from my ex today at around 11am. Will be the first time I've seen her since Nov. I just want to grab her in my arms and kiss her. There is so much I want to say as well. I know I shouldn't do any of it.
> 
> This just doesn't get easier. I miss her and love her so much. I want that opportunity to fix everything, but its not there.
> 
> Things haven't been getting better for me. They seem to get worse. When I was married and with her just getting a day off made me happy. Now it seems nothing I do or buy makes me truly happy like then. Lately not a day goes by where I don't see her face in my mind, miss her and cry. Yesterday I was so upset I became literally sick to my stomach


Oh sweetie, things will get better - it just takes time - and for some people it takes a lot of time.

Stay strong - I know you can - I'll be thinking of you at 11... keep your chin up!!!

You still keep a great deal of focus on her, and while I know it's tough not to you have to try and find a way to stop that.

And darlin', there is no amount of money you can spend that is gonna fill that hole in your heart, trust me on this. Your happiness is only gonna come from one place and that is from inside yourself. Until you find your innner happiness you're going to continue to be stuck in the same state.

Like I said, I'll be thinking of you at 11... good luck honey...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Tell me I should just grab the necklace say thanks and leave. Everything in me wants to grab her by the small of her back and bring her into my arms and kiss her lips. 

I know I need to let go, but I don't want us to end like this. 

I'm so messed up inside.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Tell me I should just grab the necklace say thanks and leave. Everything in me wants to grab her by the small of her back and bring her into my arms and kiss her lips.
> 
> I know I need to let go, but I don't want us to end like this.
> 
> I'm so messed up inside.


GRAB THE NECKLACE AND GO!!!

Say thanks if you want but honestly that's up to you...

Don't touch her, don't grab her, don't you do a darn thing but get that necklace and go!!!

Honey, you have no control over how this thing ends - and truth be told - it ended a while ago. 

Done is done. It's time you hiked up your big boy britches and get moving on. If you don't you'll only remain all twisted up inside.

When things got/get hard on me I listen to this song on repeat... I'm a big rockabilly fan... but it always helps me...

MAD SIN - Nine Lives (OFFICIAL VIDEO) - YouTube

Chin up, babe - you can do this, you can get thru this, you've just gotta find the right mindset.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Stay strong NW. I believe in you, maybe you just need to too? Really hope it goes well but really you shouldn't open yourself to more hurt, it's time to protect yourself.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

thanks. I wish I had told her to keep the necklace. I know I need to forget her and move on and I try daily. All these emotions just keep popping up and overwhelm me. She still means so much to me.

I even tried to move on by placing myself on a dating website. All it did was verify to me I'm not ready. I'm terrified to even go out with another women. I guess I was just hoping to get a few likes and added to a few peoples favorites to verify I'm not ugly or unwanted. When a few women did that I just ended up comparing them to my ex with no intention of actually meeting them. Plus none of them compare to how beautiful I think my ex is. 

Jeez I just can't stop can I? I try to think of the negative things she put through and I try to hate her for what she has done, but all I can think of is how she could make me smile and laugh and our long history together. I still feel in shock that this has happened. 

Reading all these stories on TAM that are so similar and seeing how people hurt each other and how cruel and mean love is makes me want to have nothing to do with women or love for the rest of my life. Riding in today listening to an all Beatles channel they were playing 'All You Need Is Love". All I could think was "Yeah right"

I want to be happy. Thanks for putting up with me. I know a lot of people here are probably sick of me sol I try not to post a lot.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Grab the necklace and go. But do it with your head held high. 

She’s done, NW. Showing or telling her how you feel will only make you look weak and clingy and push her further away. Show her how strong you are, even if you have to fake it.

Picture us here at TAM sitting on your shoulders like angels there to silently support you. 

HUG.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I know. I just want to kiss her and hold her and tell her I wish her the best and that this will be the last I see of her. 

I guess deep down I was hoping she would change her mind or show some sign she misses me. I look at my phone daily hoping to get a text or email from her verifying that. How could she mean so much to me and I mean nothing to her. Ok now I'm in tears. 

I even went the extra mile this morning. Spent hours getting ready and put on a nice suit etc. I'm just pitiful.

I feel like I will never have anyone to love me again.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Tell me again how kissing her will have a negative effect. I need to get this notion out of my head!!!!!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Tell me again how kissing her will have a negative effect. I need to get this notion out of my head!!!!!


Women do not like to be kissed by men they don't want.

And men who are pushy with physical affection appear very clingy and insecure. That is not attractive.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

No Kissing ... Don't even try to "us" talk. No what happened to us? Is this it? All garbage. Get in get out.

Cool
Firm 
Dispassionate


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

But I don't think she doesn't really want me. I think she just found someone else who she thinks will be everything I wasn't. I thought women liked confident and dominate men. I'm tired of over analyzing things and just want to do and say what I want. To hell with everyone else. What's more confident then just pulling her to me and planting one on her. I want her to be reminded what she is losing. 

Maybe I am insecure, clingy and unattractive. But my heart is in the right place. 

I know I'm sitting here arguing with myself to convince myself to do something I want to do, but shouldn't.

Again thanks. I'm still a little shaky on it, but without coming here I would have said a few things, probably too much, and kissed her. Now I'm leaning on just saying thanks and leaving.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Just say thanks and leave.

Nothing else.

What the two of you had is in the past - and regardless of what you think she may want - it doesn't matter.

Pulling her into your arms, kissing her, engaging her any way is going to cause you nothing more than pain and I think you have quite enough of that right now as it is... why make it any worse on yourself dear?

Like posted above... cool, calm, dispassionate - just picture Conrad standing off in the corner with a really heavy 2x4!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks everyone. Not sure what I would do without you guys. Though I still wish none of this had happened and my life was still intact. In which case we would have never met. 

I'm so tired of feeling this way. It feels like its been going on for years and its really only been a month since we were officially divorced and 4 months since my life changed forever. I can still feel inside the way I felt 5 months ago when everything was normal between us. Can't describe that feeling though. Sometimes I just get really upset and my heart bleeds and begs to reverse course leaving me short of breath and longing for my life back. 

Again thanks!



Eternal Embrace said:


> Like posted above... cool, calm, dispassionate - just picture Conrad standing off in the corner with a really heavy 2x4!!!


That's a scary thought.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I took everyone's advice. Here's how it went: She said I looked good, I hope it wasn't too obvious how nice I made myself look. I told her she looked nice too. DOH!...Then she asked how I was doing. I said 'fine', but I think I hesitated just a little. Then she asked about the dogs and I said they were fine too. She handed me my necklace and said she tried to clean it some. I said 'ok, thanks' and then 'bye'. Though I couldn't help but stare straight into her eyes I guess looking for any sign. I tried to smile the whole time and act cool and dispassionate. Not sure I aced it, but I didn't cry or tear up or anything.

My instinct tells me she's happy with her new life and man and is through with me. 

I guess I need to find some way to work on my self esteem and knock that pedestal down that I've placed her on. I'd be lying though if I didn't say I want nothing more then to be back with her and have a chance to fix things. I guess I need to give up and find something to pass the time and help me move on. 

Though I know all these emotions will come back and I'll still have lots of moments where I think about her and over analyze what I should have said or done here or there in our long history together.

Its just so sad. 2011 was such a great year for us. We did so much together and had a magical romantic vacation. I hope this guy she left me for gets cancer. I know that's mean, but I do. I even have a name for the guy. His real name is Marcus. I call him Mucous. Maybe if I had some Mucinex™ I could clear this all up for good and go back to my life.

Thanks everyone. If I can ever do anything for you let me know. You guys have no idea how helpful you have been to me over the last few months. You guys really are the greatest. I still plan on winning the lotto so If I do I'll let you know and buy everyone something nice.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Great stuff NW. 

What she does or doesn't really want does not mater. All that is important is what matters to you and what you need to do to make progress. Kee the focus on "NoWhere" until you can change your name to "SomeWhere Great".


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## Goldfinch (Jan 22, 2013)

I'm new here and don't know your whole story, but you seem very courageous to me. How hard you are struggling, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is a grieving process, and there are ups and downs. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking positive thoughts for you.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks GoldFinch that's sweet!. I don't think my whole story is on here. I deleted all my old threads. Was going to delete this one and my account, but FrostFlower said she needed someone on here to keep her in line.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

So I'm doing much better today since seeing my ex yesterday. I didn't have the emotional breakdown I expected when I saw her and I think its made me see I have moved on a little more then I thought I had. 

Still have other issues to deal with. Mainly to fulfill my life with friends and eventually some romance. Hopefully. But the romance thing will be far off in the future. Not sure when I'll be ready if ever.
I do know I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, but if love is not in the cards for me I'll just put them down and play go fish instead.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Great to hear NW


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> So I'm doing much better today since seeing my ex yesterday. I didn't have the emotional breakdown I expected when I saw her and I think its made me see I have moved on a little more then I thought I had.
> 
> Still have other issues to deal with. Mainly to fulfill my life with friends and eventually some romance. Hopefully. But the romance thing will be far off in the future. Not sure when I'll be ready if ever.
> I do know I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, but if love is not in the cards for me I'll just put them down and play go fish instead.


NW

When you can wake up in the morning alone and smile. Then go to sleep alone at night with a smile or a chuckle about something trivial.

Then you are ready.....

*Ready to live and love again!*

HM64


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I’m proud of you, NW! You did great.

So, I need someone to keep me in line and you’re it, huh? Someone likes to live dangerously and its not me!

By the way, you mentioned that you thought women like dominant men. I don’t know any woman who likes to be dominated by a man. Assertive men are one thing, but dominant ones.......hopefully you meant assertive!

(You can keep me in line anytime, Sweetie......or try to!)


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

People just tend to take the word dominate negatively. Instinctively and sub consciously women are attracted to strong dominate men. And by dominate I don't mean it in the negative sense. I mean assertive, confident and a leader. A take charge guy. Decisive, Sure of himself and successful at whatever he does. Women would much rather a man seduce them, pull them to him and passionately kiss them then a guy who asks "Can I kiss you" ? beforehand. Most women don't like weak submissive men. I assume its a huge turn off.

But no I didn't mean 'dominate' in the sense the man keeps the women down or is somehow mean and controlling.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

NW I'm proud of you also for not letting your ex control your emotions. Way to go! That much closer to recovery. Like Happy says when you go to bed with a smile and wake up with a smile, I guarantee women and friends will start appearing.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yep so far so good this week. I had a rough patch coming out of the holidays and a few times last week where I just had that knot in my stomach and felt sick, but lately I've been doing well. Everytime I even start to think of the Ex I just say 'nope not going there' and move on. 

Hopefully the worst is behind me now. I'm not naive enough to think I won't stumble a few more times here or there. Depending on what jogs my memory, but I am doing much better I think.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

NW I think about my ex way too many times a day. I have to slowly come to terms with what happened and to move forward. I was doing good until she made an attempt to come back, seduced me, brought presents etc. then pushed me away again. It was like another gutpunch all over again. I remember you and I got on here about the same time and another guy dewayne.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I can only imagine how painful that would be. More like being drawn and quartered then a gut punch. Only thing I can say is lesson learned. Painful lesson at that. To have your hopes and prayers answered only to have everything come crashing down.. Hope you don't fall for that one again... Stay strong!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

And the key gentlemen is to get yourselves to a place in your own minds that no matter what actions your ex's hurt you with it just slides right off you.

You walk away still smiling because you know there is something better waiting for you around the corner.

It just takes time, patience and a swift kick to the nuts every once in a while but you will get there.

Hopefully with less kicks than I did.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hey, NW -- I was keeping up with your thread while I was in jail. I'm glad you didn't go with your original plan when you got the necklace. You do sound like you turned a corner, sweetie - that is great to see. Keep it up! 

Thanks for stopping in to say hello on my thread, and for the photos.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Oh you're welcome. I'm so glad you are back!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Feeling particularly down this morning. Confused, frustrated and just generally depressed 

my heart aches


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm sorry you feel yucky, NW.

I'm right there with ya, today.

*Hugs*


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks Katy. Wish I could have a real hug though.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Me, too, dear.

I cuddled with my babies, this morning, to make myself feel a little better.

Grab your little guys for big love.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Something specific trigger it or just general situation? I hate it when it's not specific as it's harder to focus your thoughts and efforts to effectively counter it.

Sometimes when it's like that, I find it useful to simply scream. Just a primal unleashing of pent up emotion. Obviously the time and location of the scream needs to be considered though. 

You have been doing better though, just remember that and don't be too harsh on yourself for little lapses like this. The important thing is to keep to the path you have chosen and not let the feelings draw you way from it needlessly.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Thanks Katy. Wish I could have a real hug though.


I hear you there. So much that can be given and received in a simple hug and I miss that so much too. I'm sure you'll become good again though NW, you're too strong not to.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Nothing specific I guess. Just woke up and did the usual routine to get ready to go to work. Locked my poor puppies in the Kitchen. Even though the fat one keeps climbing over the gate. Then just had the usual random thoughts missing my ex and wishing I could go back. Its fixing to storm today and dreary outside so maybe that adds to it. I just can't get a firm handle on everything. I still wish I could call her or talk to her and fix things. 

I got quite a few emails from people on my match.com profile I made. Even though I meant to disable it. I mailed a few back, but I can't help comparing them to my ex and it just makes me miss her. Then I'm terrified to actually meet any of these women, but I don't want to hurt their feelings or string them along. I told them all the same thing. That I think I put my profile up too early after my divorce and it wouldn't be fair to them or me to actually start any kind of relationship. Partly true, but partly a cop out so I don't have to meet any of them. But I am lonely.

I went out again with my Brother, his wife and sister and her husband, and another couple to a club last friday. I try and go out and have a good time, but then end up depressed the rest of the weekend. Just sat around drinking beer, listening to the band trying to maintain a smile. Looking around and seeing all these loving couples having a good time. Either all the women were overly hot and with their boyfriends or too young. Or they looked like they just escaped from the local zoo's deformed ape experiment. Either way none of them paid any attention to me and I don't have the confidence to walk up to any of them. Just made me upset the rest of the weekend and I stayed at home.

I think I've had it going out. I mostly want to just shut out the world and live out the remaining time I have left with my dogs and me, but a part of me wants someone to love. 

I think the new house, projects and everything being fresh helped for awhile, but now its getting old. All I do is work, workout, walk dogs, play guitar and read books. Besides the usual house chores and cooking. the only thing keeping me anchored is my dogs who mean the world to me. 

I'm not sure how to move on from here. I know I'll probably feel a little better here and there, but I keep thinking about 'her' and its painful when I do. 

I hope her new boyfriend gives her herpes or something or better yet cheats on her and dumps her. I guess above all else I wanted her to atleast text or call me to show I meant something to her after all that time. This whole relationship and love thing sucks. Why can't be just love each other without it being so complicated. 

Sorry for the long post. I'm trying to be honest with myself. This emotional Roller Coaster I'm on isn't taking the huge climbs and dives it was, but I'm still on it and I want off. I'd much prefer a leisure water park. With a lazy river, raft and a cooler of beer.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Nothing specific I guess. Just woke up and did the usual routine to get ready to go to work. Locked my poor puppies in the Kitchen. Even though the fat one keeps climbing over the gate. Then just had the usual random thoughts missing my ex and wishing I could go back. Its fixing to storm today and dreary outside so maybe that adds to it. I just can't get a firm handle on everything. I still wish I could call her or talk to her and fix things.
> 
> I got quite a few emails from people on my match.com profile I made. Even though I meant to disable it. I mailed a few back, but I can't help comparing them to my ex and it just makes me miss her. Then I'm terrified to actually meet any of these women, but I don't want to hurt their feelings or string them along. I told them all the same thing. That I think I put my profile up too early after my divorce and it wouldn't be fair to them or me to actually start any kind of relationship. Partly true, but partly a cop out so I don't have to meet any of them. But I am lonely.
> 
> ...


NW - not that I'm overly religious but have found that my church has been instrumental in keeping me connected and also an avenue for future opportunities for involvement. It may be a way to meet more "quality" people than in clubs, bars, etc. Have you ever considered attending a church in your town?


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Go tell those people on match what you said. You are not looking for a relationship or to hook up. Women will admire you for your boundaries. Can you not at least be their friend? No expectations.

Women understand divorce is hard. If they still want to do something then do it.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hi NW. Hope you’re feeling better. Its still early days. Things will get better, but its going to take time.

Have you looked into Meet-Ups in your area? There is one here for people who get together and walk their dogs. Might be a good way to meet some new people. At least it would get you out of the house and your little buddies would probably love it. 

Hug.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Hey NW, maybe you need to forget 'dating' for now. Finding a way to socialise with people and just letting things take their course may be a a better option for now. 

Meet ups definitely sound like the way to go?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hey, NW -- just checking in to see how you're doing. I hope you're OK, sweetie.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

thanks I'm holding in there.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I am finding TAM a great outlet to stop things building up too much. Glad to hear you holding in there, sometimes that is a win in itself.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Not doing so good today. Really down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: NoWhere's Journal*



NoWhere said:


> Not doing so good today. Really down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Been there a lot lately.

What's going on?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Just had a real vivid dream woke up in tears. Can't seem to shake it off
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

What concrete steps are you taking to do that, NW? Most of the time, it doesn't just happen without some help on our parts.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm not sure. I was so depressed this morning. I tried to snuggle up with the puppies and watch a movie to forget it and I couldn't. So I took a nap then had another horrible dream. Now I'm just a mess . I motivate myself to do anything or even eat. I don't know what's come over me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I know how hard it is to shake dreams like that off. Don’t sit around in that dark cloud. Take those cute little pups to the park and throw balls for them until your arm falls off. Then walk them until your legs burn (I’m sure they have enough energy for all this). All that fresh air and exercise will not only help clear your head, it will get the serotonin pumping.

And keep coming here for hugs.

Hug.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thank you. I can't stop crying
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm going to do that and take the dogs for a walk in the park.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Good man. You can do this NW.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Then come back and tell us about it.

Another hug.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Back from your walk yet?

HUG from me, too.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes. We walked for a couple of hours. Thank you everyone for being so kind.
Still kind of sad, but I'm just going to try and read a book or something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hey NW, how are you?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Just trying to take it day by day. I just can't seem to let go. I cry driving to work, driving home, I see her face in my mind all the time, wake up at all hours of the night and think of her. I'm frustrated and get angry I couldn't fix things. I have some moments where I'm busy and don't think about it and I still joke all the time and make light of everything, but I haven't truly felt really happy since it all ended. 

I've been talking with a few women I met on dating sites and that seems to keep me occupied, but I have no intention of actually dating them so I'm worried because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I've told two of them I wasn't ready to date already, but I think I wouldn't mind meeting them and just going out. None of them hold a candle to my ex. I think I'm still suffering very low esteem and have a hard time gauging where i fit and what types of women would even be interested in me. Though these women seem nice and its nice to have someone to chat with. 

I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm still working out and taking care of myself. Eating healthy and dressing nice, over grooming myself etc, but I sometimes wonder who I'm doing it all for. I think in the back of my mind I'm still trying to look good for my ex. As silly as that sounds since we don't speak or see each other. Every time I pass a vehicle like hers I have to look. Hoping its her. Again I'm not sure why. I just do.

And thanks for asking FrostFlower. I've had very few people seem to care since this whole thing happened to me and all of them are from TAM. I try not to come on here and mope a lot and even though I make it sound like I'm really bad off depressed. I'm not always feeling that way. More then I'd like, but like I said one day at a time.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hey NW



> None of them hold a candle to my ex.


This statement says it all. You are not ready to date.

Though I think chatting and maybe coffee To make friends is a great start.

When you stop comparing your ex to other women is when you are ready.

And grieving is natural so is the comparing. But sooner rather than later you need to get back on the horse.

Keep posting and continue to move forward.....


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

NW, that same statement says a lot to me, too. It says you're not being honest about your situation.

Your ex is not the woman you're idealizing her as. She has treated you shabbily, and that makes her NOT a nice woman, and NOT worthy of all of the love and energy and tears you are wasting on her. 

I'm giving you a kick in the pants here, sweetie, because you're missing out on precious time in the only life you're ever going to have. 

I'm not saying you have to get out there and start dating, but you have to stop thinking of her as the measuring stick against which you're comparing every other woman. You want someone who is BETTER to you than she was. You don't want a carbon copy of her, or you'll end up in the same situation.

Allow yourself to make up a list of the really bad things she's done through this break-up. Not ANY positives, and not ANY 'yeah, but I did x and y, so I wasn't perfect, either.' You don't have a problem putting yourself down. You have a problem putting her on a pedestal, and she sure as hell doesn't deserve it. 

Make a big list, in big, angry black letters, and post it somewhere where you'll have to see it and be reminded of it, every time you start to miss her, and think you won't be happy unless you're with her. 

I'm saying this because I care, NW, not because I'm putting you down in any way. We all just hate seeing you hurt like this over someone like her.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I don't even have the heart to drop the lumber on him.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I don't even have the heart to drop the lumber on him.


Never thought we’d hear Conrad say that, NW. You do sound so sad. I’m sure you’re not down all the time but, even if you were, that should not stop you from coming here. Don’t stay away and make us worry about you. We are here for moping as well as for....well, not moping. We are here for you, Sweetie. 

Angel and Happyman are right. You’re not ready to date (which I think you realize) and your ex needs to come off the pedestal. 

When you are ready to date, don’t worry what type of woman would be attracted to you. Just go out and have fun. You will find the right one.

Hug.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hey, NW, how are you doing?


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Nw..

check in bud...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hey!. I'm doing ok. Kind of got myself into a relationship of sorts which keeps me occupied. Still think of the ex every once in awhile, but not near as much. Still hurts when I do though. Other then that I'm just doing the day to day stuff.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

If you want to know more then you probably want to know. I posted something about this relationship I'm having in the 'Any Point In Looking' thread in the forum here 'Life after Divorce'. 

Basically met someone and I'm having a physical relationship with her at this point. Its all new to me, but I'm not complaining. Hate to kiss and tell, but there you have it.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good for you!

Glad you are back in the saddle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> If you want to know more then you probably want to know. I posted something about this relationship I'm having in the 'Any Point In Looking' thread in the forum here 'Life after Divorce'.
> 
> Basically met someone and I'm having a physical relationship with her at this point. Its all new to me, but I'm not complaining. Hate to kiss and tell, but there you have it.


Sounds like you'll have to change your moniker to "Somewhere"


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

lol. Somewhere is about right. Not sure where though.

And for the record. I've never had a relationship like this ever and I'm not 'easy'. It all just kind of happened.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm happy for you, sweetie!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks. I am pretty happy though I have no idea where this all is going. I'm just trying to stay in the moment and not think too far ahead. She really seems to be in the same place. Its kind of scary how we can't keep our hands off each other. I keep telling myself to just live for the day and if it all falls apart so be it. Hopefully that will do.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

That's great to hear NW. Really happy for you.

Let it go where it will and enjoy the ride.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

interesting choice of words K.C.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I thought so.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

NW - I saw some posts on another thread recently and you sound much better - great job!


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I’m happy for you, NW, but you do realize that all us women are jealous of her!!

She better treat you right or she will have us to deal with!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Nobody deserves the wraith of the women of TAM


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Nobody deserves the wraith of the women of TAM


You better believe it!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Agreeing with me an awful lot lately Frostflower. You on medication or something?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Agreeing with me an awful lot lately Frostflower. You on medication or something?


I know. Who’d have thunk it when we first began (speaking of medication  )!

I guess you grew on me!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> I guess you grew on me!


 Like a fungus, I tend to do that.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Like a fungus, I tend to do that.


Must be why I’m so itchy today!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Must be why I’m so itchy today!


:rofl: LMAO


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> :rofl: LMAO


Where’s the Gold Bond when I need it??


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm not that easy to get rid of.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm not that easy to get rid of.


Like poison ivy?


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## SeaShellz (Sep 15, 2012)

This FF and NW dynamic is much more entertaining than you guys not agreeing on things so keep it up please


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

SeaShellz said:


> This FF and NW dynamic is much more entertaining than you guys not agreeing on things so keep it up please


Hey, NW, Sea says we have dynamic! How did that happen??


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Hey, NW, Sea says we have dynamic! How did that happen??


No idea. Maybe we're like fire and gasoline. That's a dynamic.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> No idea. Maybe we're like fire and gasoline. That's a dynamic.


I don’t see us as explosive. More like Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd.

What’s up, Doc?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm hunting...err...wabbits! hahahaha

I always considered myself more like Daffy Duck.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm hunting...err...wabbits! hahahaha
> 
> I always considered myself more like Daffy Duck.


I thought so too, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by calling you ‘Daffy’.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Daffy kind of fits me actually.


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## Joburg (Jan 16, 2013)

Hey NoWhere, just wanted to let you know that there truly is such a place


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

:lol:

You've found my hidden evil lair!!!


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Joburg said:


> Hey NoWhere, just wanted to let you know that there truly is such a place


Is the ‘St” short for ‘Saint”?? Boy, somebody goofed!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That's me alright. Saint Nowhere :angel3:



Just ask the girl I've been seeing she will tell you. I was nice enough to come up with a safeword for us. 
Now that is saint worthy correct?  :FIREdevil:


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That's me alright. Saint Nowhere :angel3:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Not touching that one.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

LOL We saw that movie 'Identity Theft'. If you've seen the movie you would know. Hilarious.

And no she has no reason to use a safeword. It's just funny to have one. Though I may end up having to use it.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> LOL We saw that movie 'Identity Theft'. If you've seen the movie you would know. Hilarious.
> 
> And no she has no reason to use a safeword. It's just funny to have one. Though I may end up having to use it.


Haven’t seen it, but I think i know the story. Leading us on like that.....Bad NoWhere!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Leading us on like that.....Bad NoWhere!


 Are you pointing your finger at me when you say that? :rofl:

I think I'm so bad I'm good.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Are you pointing your finger at me when you say that? :rofl:
> 
> I think I'm so bad I'm good.


You are Daffinately bad.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

How are you, NW?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Great minds, and all that, Frosty -- I was thinking about NW, too, since I noticed he hasn't updated lately.

What's up, NW?


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

One word....Girlfriend


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Great minds, and all that, Frosty -- I was thinking about NW, too, since I noticed he hasn't updated lately.
> 
> What's up, NW?



And we are great, Angel!




GutPunch said:


> One word....Girlfriend


That’s no excuse. We were here first!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm doing ok. Still have sad moments. Its hard to completely eliminate someone who was a part of your life for so long, but I rarely get too upset about any of it. Overall I've been doing pretty good


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Glad to hear you’re doing okay, NW, but we miss you!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Good to hear NW. Still stalking windows?


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

So glad to hear your getting through it.

Keep on keeping on!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hey, NW, haven't heard from you in a while. How you doin', sweetie?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Hey, NW, haven't heard from you in a while. How you doin', sweetie?


 Hey!! I'm doing alright. Just hanging in there. I've been lurking the forums keeping up, but try to stay out of all the depressing threads. 

Love all the things you are doing to your house! Need to get back to upgrading mine, but have been so busy lately.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Great to hear NW.

Don't know if I ever thanked you properly for you support, especially early on when I was a total mess.

So truly happy that things are working out for you!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I came across my old house online for sale. Fixed up looking great. My puppies wonderful backyard. The house in a perfect location. I loved that house and seeing it being sold really has made me sad. Tied to that house were all my dreams and aspirations. Its selling for about 60 thousand more then it was bought for which should bring my ex a nice reward. Meanwhile I'm 6 months into a 30 year loan in a house I don't terribly love, way out from everyone I know. I wanted to keep that house, but my ex proclaimed how she could not afford anything else and I could. She refinanced to 700.00 monthly payments and now 6 months later selling my home. I'm really not sure why it upsets me so much. I just was so fond of that house that I picked out. Moved into it with so many hopes and dreams. Fresh newlyweds with our whole lives together before us.

A year before the divorce we had fixed up the place a bunch with the attention of selling it and getting our dream home. Now I assume she is going to either move in with the OM or they will get that dream home that I will never be able to afford in the time I have left. 

Just really upset.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I came across my old house online for sale. Fixed up looking great. My puppies wonderful backyard. The house in a perfect location. I loved that house and seeing it being sold really has made me sad. Tied to that house were all my dreams and aspirations. Its selling for about 60 thousand more then it was bought for which should bring my ex a nice reward. Meanwhile I'm 6 months into a 30 year loan in a house I don't terribly love, way out from everyone I know. I wanted to keep that house, but my ex proclaimed how she could not afford anything else and I could. She refinanced to 700.00 monthly payments and now 6 months later selling my home. I'm really not sure why it upsets me so much. I just was so fond of that house that I picked out. Moved into it with so many hopes and dreams. Fresh newlyweds with our whole lives together before us.
> 
> A year before the divorce we had fixed up the place a bunch with the attention of selling it and getting our dream home. Now I assume she is going to either move in with the OM or they will get that dream home that I will never be able to afford in the time I have left.
> 
> Just really upset.


NoWhere

Time is what you have plenty of. Use it wisely.

I understand being sad but better things are in store for you.

Stop thinking of the Ex. She is not worth a minute of your thought.

I felt like you 20 years ago. Now i have an ok house, great wife and 3 daughters that make me laugh and cry at the same time.

You will too. The key is to make it happen.

Start today.

HM64


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> I came across my old house online for sale. Fixed up looking great. My puppies wonderful backyard. The house in a perfect location. I loved that house and seeing it being sold really has made me sad. Tied to that house were all my dreams and aspirations. Its selling for about 60 thousand more then it was bought for which should bring my ex a nice reward. Meanwhile I'm 6 months into a 30 year loan in a house I don't terribly love, way out from everyone I know. I wanted to keep that house, but my ex proclaimed how she could not afford anything else and I could. She refinanced to 700.00 monthly payments and now 6 months later selling my home. I'm really not sure why it upsets me so much. I just was so fond of that house that I picked out. Moved into it with so many hopes and dreams. Fresh newlyweds with our whole lives together before us.
> 
> A year before the divorce we had fixed up the place a bunch with the attention of selling it and getting our dream home. Now I assume she is going to either move in with the OM or they will get that dream home that I will never be able to afford in the time I have left.
> 
> Just really upset.


Would some lumber help?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

If I had saved all the 2x4's you hit me with I could of built two houses. 

I've been doing rather well for awhile, this house thing just really hurt for some reason. Guess its easy to feel you've let go when you don't look back.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Sorry you’re hurting. NW. But the fact that you are is a reflection of the kind of person you are....someone to whom hopes and dreams mean a lot. 

You will have them again.

Hug.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

What Frosty said. Another thing you will get past, as ever, its horrible to have to, but you know you will.

Hope everything else is going well for you still.

You kind of need a name change you know.

You are not "nowhere" anymore. You are wherever you choose to be.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

It's okay to trigger, it happens to all of us. Be aware and don't beat yourself up over it.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Northern Monkey said:


> What Frosty said. Another thing you will get past, as ever, its horrible to have to, but you know you will.
> 
> Hope everything else is going well for you still.
> 
> ...


Gee, Monk, you have become quite the philosopher. ‘You are wherever you choose to be’ is priceless. I’m going to write it out and keep it where I see it often. Thanks.

NW, the Monkey and Up are right. The triggers will continue. They will become less in time. Understand what they are. Let them pass and choose where you want to be.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Guess its easy to feel you've let go when you don't look back.


And after a certain point, we just shouldn't look back, because it doesn't do us any good. This is a really good point, NW.

Sorry you're hurting, sweetie. It's OK to feel, but don't let yourself get swallowed up by it. 

I think N.Monkey is right -- you do need a new name. How about Anywhere?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

angelpixie said:


> And after a certain point, we just shouldn't look back, because it doesn't do us any good. This is a really good point, NW.
> 
> Sorry you're hurting, sweetie. It's OK to feel, but don't let yourself get swallowed up by it.
> 
> I think N.Monkey is right -- you do need a new name. How about Anywhere?


I've heard _Southern Monkey_ is available.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

How've you been, NW?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

it's been a long time, NW. How are you doing? How are the pups?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Frostflower said:


> it's been a long time, NW. How are you doing? How are the pups?


I've been trying to convince him to change his moniker to Southern Monkey.

Haven't had any success, as he's "nowhere" to be found.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Hopefully he's moved on to better things in life.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Wow this thread has been dead for awhile. Hope everyone is doing well!~


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

And how are YOU doing?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Yeah, where have you been? And don't say "Nowhere."


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Yeah, where have you been? And don't say "Nowhere."


 LOL. You stole my answer. I've been around. Doing fairly well.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Details, sweetie, details!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Well the year started off well. I'm still seeing the same women and incredibly happy with her and everything else has been well. Recently though she was diagnosed with cancer. Which scares the hell out of me. Trying to maintain a happy composure and hope for the best, but I lost my Dad to the disease in Oct. So needless to say I'm a little on edge about the whole thing and incredibly worried. 

Other then that I've been fine. Think about the ex every once in awhile, but it doesn't bother me as it once did. Just worried about the future and trying my best to push any negative thoughts away. 

My puppies are doing great and as happy as ever.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh, NW, I'm so sorry! What is the prognosis? Remember, it doesn't always end badly nowadays. I'm glad she has you there trying to help her through it. ((hugs))


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> My puppies are doing great and as happy as ever.


LOL I was just going to ask for an update on your pups. 

Were they full grown when you adopted them, I can't remember. Oh well who cares, post some updated pics of those cuties! 

Glad to hear you are doing well.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

They were puppies when i got them. Next Jan they will be 2.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> They were puppies when i got them. Next Jan they will be 2.


Put their pics up.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Oh, NW, I'm so sorry! What is the prognosis? Remember, it doesn't always end badly nowadays. I'm glad she has you there trying to help her through it. ((hugs))


 Shes waiting for a biopsy to be performed and its not until Dec. Until then we won't know how bad it is.

I put some pics up on my profile.


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