# Male sex drive



## Ariel71 (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi, 
My question is, is it normal for a 50 year old married man to only want sex once a week? My husband and I have been together 25 years and have always had an active sex life. In the last 3 years he has really slowed down in desire dept. and he doesn't seem to be as sexual as he used to be. He works 50 hours a week and I know age does slow you down, but I want to hear from real people to see what they think. We are both in great shape and healthy and he is extremely affectionate to me, but he doesn't seem to want me all the time like he used to and it is making me insecure, I guess. He says he loves me and is still attracted to me, just tired from long hours. Thanks for your input.
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## ShyEnglishman (Aug 23, 2013)

When you do have sex, who does all the work?

I'm not even 40 yet, and work less than 50 hours a week, but I find going on top pretty physically tiring compared to when I was in my early 20s. I like my wife to take the top bunk most of the time. She is a bit younger and being lighter means she has less weight to haul about. Plus I get to enjoy the view and I have my hands free squeeze or rub whichever bits of her I like, which is nice for her as well as me, whereas if I'm on top, my hands are mostly holding me up so I don't squash the poor lass.


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

His work schedule definitely has something to do with it. And even though he's in good shape physically, men begin to lose our testosterone later in life, which has a direct effect on our sex drive.

There are all kinds of natural supplements out there which can boost testosterone and overall energy safely, but I'm sure you're already aware of that. I would suggest starting there and giving it a few weeks to see if that helps any.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm 52. My sex drive slowed a bit from my 30s. But, I'm probably not a good representation of what you are looking for. 

I actually have a higher drive now than when in my 40s. Why? It has to do with staying fit, eating right and I completely stop drinking. I exercise religiously, really watch what I eat and my vitals (bp, hr, weight, etc) are equivalent to my 20s. 

Once a week? My wife wouldn't allow it .


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

I am 54, male, and I had my prostate removed because of cancer, and yes I suffer from ED and I still want it daily. But due to my wife I am lucky if once every 3 weeks anymore.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Ariel71...it does appear that some men do slow down a bit as they get older :-( ....my big guy used to be a 4-5 day a week kinda man now at 54 I am doing good to get him to 2 times a week and maybe a bj's in there if I am lucky. I would have his "T" tested to see if it is dropping....start there.
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## Ariel71 (Aug 25, 2013)

Thanks for everyone's reposes. It gives me something to think about. I have also thought that may I am premenopausal and just more in the mood then I used to be? I just know it is becoming very noticeable in our marriage.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Ariel71 said:


> Hi,
> My question is, is it normal for a 50 year old married man to only want sex once a week? My husband and I have been together 25 years and have always had an active sex life. In the last 3 years he has really slowed down in desire dept. and he doesn't seem to be as sexual as he used to be. He works 50 hours a week and I know age does slow you down, but I want to hear from real people to see what they think. We are both in great shape and healthy and he is extremely affectionate to me, but he doesn't seem to want me all the time like he used to and it is making me insecure, I guess. He says he loves me and is still attracted to me, just tired from long hours. Thanks for your input.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's normal Ariel71. I'm 45 and yes my drive has slowed a little. My wife and I prefer a couple of times a week and it's been that way for a few years. I'd be ready to go more often if she want it more but who knows in five more years.

I think it's really important for you to separate fear and insecurity from sex and loving. Wanting sex out of desire is transparent and it's sexy. Wanting sex out of insecurity is also transparent and it's not sexy at all.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Areiel, I'm 52.

T is probably the biggest driver, at least for me. Mine was on the low end, so the doc put me on a T supplement. I felt like I was 17 again! Libido went through the roof.

If he is having some ED issues it could be a factor in his psychology. If he is overweight or uses substances (tobacco, alcohol) he may indeed feel very run down and uninterested in everything.

I would suggest having his hormones checked. Before you do that, do some research. Just getting a gel from his regular doc is likely to not be an intelligent answer. He should get a comprehensive check probably with an endocrinologist.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Ariel,
I can only speak from personal experience. Wife and I are both 50, coming up on our 25th year together. Both very fit, and she looks great. I do love my wife. I am just no longer willing to unconditionally put her needs first. 

When my T levels were higher, I didn't even notice a lot of her bad behavior. As they fell I did notice it. And then it became a turn off. I still desire her but honestly, not as much as I could. 

We have friends in their early fifties where the H shut the physical part down two years ago. His wife is very attractive. She is also a bit difficult, a lot controlling and 'just guessing' lazy in bed. 




Ariel71 said:


> Thanks for everyone's reposes. It gives me something to think about. I have also thought that may I am premenopausal and just more in the mood then I used to be? I just know it is becoming very noticeable in our marriage.


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## Ariel71 (Aug 25, 2013)

Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Ariel71 said:


> Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not necessarily, I would say that honest adult non-argumentative communication can go a long way in discussing each others needs. We forget that our largest sex organ is that 3 pound one in our head. 

Hopefully it does not bring up a lot of spiteful history, but it is important to let each other know of their sexual needs (regardless of how many years you have been married). It was no uncommon for my wife to push me away at times. I never held it against her. Now she is more HD than I am, but I do what I can, so as not to some how give pay back. It is probably the reason, I have decided to be fastidious about my health. Maturity, sex is for the mature minded for this reason. Never to be used as a tool. At least that is my opinion. 

BTW, it is not too out of the norm to see two drops in a males T levels. The first one typically happens around age 50 or so then levels off a bit till the next one at around age 70. The latter one is normally a much bigger drop. There is some peer-reviewed research that suggest the second drop may coincide with non-Alzheimer's dementia. Adding supplements back at age 50 is a bit controversial for some in the medical community. One target for T is the prostate gland, however the evidence is not clear as to whether the receptors for T in the prostate gland remain high after that same time period. 

FYI: not necessarily my area of expertise, but I am aware of the research. I primarily do research in the area of developmental biology (Gastrulation and Neurulation)


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Well done. You have immediately grasped the hardest theme - which is to look first in the 'mirror'. 

Before proceeding I will just add this. I don't reject my wife because: I know that is hurtful and because she is willing to slowly get me super turned on. 

If she got in bed and kissed me, expecting I would automagically get hard as a rock without her doing anything else - epic fail. I would reject her. Some stuff that has worked great for us. 

A gentle suggestion:
1. Write down a list of his:
- turn ons and
- turn offs
And ask yourself how much effort you put into the turn ons, and whether you also make a real effort to avoid the turn offs. Many turn offs are not explicitly sexual. For example complaining, being highly critical etc. 

2. My wife taught me two games early on that we never tired of:
- I touch/you touch
- better one/better two

"I touch/you touch":
He massages you the way he wants you to massage him. And then you switch places and he gives you a little feedback to refine your technique.

Better one/better two:
This is where you do something in terms of a massage stroke and then do a small variation on it. You do the first and ask "better 1"? and then the variant "better 2". This could be:
- harder/softer
- faster/slower
- different direction - vertical/horizontal/diagonal
- Knuckles/finger tips/finger nails

You play these games for a while and you should both become experts in how to give each other an incredible experience. 

Once relaxed an inner thigh and/or butt massage can be a huge turn on. The thing is - that should happen after enough non-sensual/vanilla massage touch to relax your partner. 

If he responds well to this - you can amp it up. I touch/you touch allows for some fairly intense communication. Let him show you on your finger how he would like you to ....

And you can use his nipple to show him how you best like to be pleasured. 




QUOTE=Ariel71;3867378]Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Ariel71 said:


> Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 It may be biological or it may be more. Not a simple investigation. Good luck.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Ariel71 - I can understand why this is concerning you...

Can I ask...what is your relationship like other than the drop in sex?
Is his affectionate levels the same or changed?
Is he still wanting to have fun when you do get into sex play, wanting to please you?
Does he look at you during sex/keep his eyes open? Do you feel connected to him?

Is he healthy? Stressed?

Have you actually discussed any of this with him?


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## Ariel71 (Aug 25, 2013)

waiwera said:


> Ariel71 - I can understand why this is concerning you...
> 
> Can I ask...what is your relationship like other than the drop in sex?
> Is his affectionate levels the same or changed?
> ...


Our relationship is excellent. We are very close and take walks, hold hands and snuggle on the couch together. We have discussed it so many times that we just don't know what to do. We both think we need to go to the doctor, but neither of us will make the first move so to speak. When we do make love it is very good, i just wondered if we are normal as far ad frequency goes. Just a bump in the life of a long marriage I guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Ariel71 said:


> Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We need some prize we can give out when this happens lol.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

It must not be a problem if neither of you will make an appointment.

Why do people resist the simplest path and instead ruminate over what could be going on?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Ariel71 said:


> Our relationship is excellent. We are very close and take walks, hold hands and snuggle on the couch together. We have discussed it so many times that we just don't know what to do. We both think we need to go to the doctor, but neither of us will make the first move so to speak. When we do make love it is very good,* i just wondered if we are normal as far ad frequency goes.* Just a bump in the life of a long marriage I guess.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The varies so much as you see in here.
For some never having sex again sounds good, for some once a week would be a dream come true and others are doing it every day, in every position whilst hanging upside down from a trapeze 

I really believe the quality of your relationship is the most important thing to get over this 'bump'... if you have a good base I'm sure you can communicate that you need/desire more loving/sex/affection... if that is what you want??

Something we do sometimes when hubby is too tired for sex is we spoon in bed and he caresses me and kisses my neck while I masturbate. He quite often ends up joining in anyway!

He is also 50 and we've been together for 26 years... he was very obliging when i suggested this option.... maybe there is some similar option for you both.

A trip to the doc probably would be a good idea though... being 50 and all


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Ariel,
I feel bad for you as you are obviously hurting. Unfortunately your 'reserved communication style' while admirable, will make it much harder to address this issue. 

Once you get to 50 or 100 posts you can private message folks on the board. If it is easier for you to open up with one person, you might consider that. 

There are a lot of folks here with successful experience navigating desire imbalances. As one of them, I smiled when I read your post below. 'We' both think 'we' need to go to the doctor. 

Many long term married people cling tightly to a short list of core beliefs. One of them is the idea that love = the presence of kindness and the absence of cruelty. Because the idea that our partner might be consciously mean to us is a bit disturbing. 

Your H knows you are in pain, and he has had a series of 'non' conversations during which he seems to understand, agree and empathize, but then he does nothing to address it. Of course that hurts you. 







Ariel71 said:


> Our relationship is excellent. We are very close and take walks, hold hands and snuggle on the couch together. We have discussed it so many times that we just don't know what to do. We both think we need to go to the doctor, but neither of us will make the first move so to speak. When we do make love it is very good, i just wondered if we are normal as far ad frequency goes. Just a bump in the life of a long marriage I guess.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My husband is 55 and he would be happy with once a week. I, however, am most definitely NOT!

I haven't read all the responses but if you desire sex more frequently, then it's up to you to "lay the ground work" required to get it! Send him dirty messages, leave him notes, sit on his lap and grind away then get up to go make dinner as you warn him to be rested before bed time. 

As men age, the tables turn and instead of them romancing us to get sex, we seduce them to get sex.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Anon,
What you describe below would work well with some men, and badly with others. 

Seduce - I agree 

As for the best approach - well that is husband specific. 

Ariel doesn't even know if this is a DRIVE problem or a DESIRE problem. 

If he primarily has a drive problem, testosterone treatment could help.

If he primarily has a desire problem - then she needs to make herself more desirable to him. This could be as simple as: he likes the lights on, she always insists they are off. 

But none of this matters unless Ariel chooses to actually share specifics. 






Anon Pink said:


> My husband is 55 and he would be happy with once a week. I, however, am most definitely NOT!
> 
> I haven't read all the responses but if you desire sex more frequently, then it's up to you to "lay the ground work" required to get it! Send him dirty messages, leave him notes, sit on his lap and grind away then get up to go make dinner as you warn him to be rested before bed time.
> 
> As men age, the tables turn and instead of them romancing us to get sex, we seduce them to get sex.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This is true. In the absence of test scores, how can a person tell the difference between drive and desire?

If he has no desire to have sex with her, then once a week sex probably wouldn't be happening. If his drive has slowed, that doesn't affect his desire. It just means he doesn't have the driving energy to make sex happen, so she has to make it happen.

Maybe I need to learn more about testosterone levels, normal range and treatments?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> My husband is 55 and he would be happy with once a week. I, however, am most definitely NOT!





Anon Pink said:


> Maybe I need to learn more about testosterone levels, normal range and treatments?


Has he been checked? Is he in good shape? If he's not hitting the weights a few times/week, he needs to. That always gives me a hell of a T surge.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> Has he been checked? Is he in good shape? If he's not hitting the weights a few times/week, he needs to. That always gives me a hell of a T surge.


He got his T checked. he is overweight and lives a relatively sedentary life style. His level is 450 something... 

I have tried to get him to get in shape. He says he will but he doesn't. Ive asked him to lift weights wearing a tank so I can watch his muscles bulge...he doesn't. 

So now I just ask him to make sure his affairs are in order. They are... Nothing more I can do, if he accepts that all his hard earned 401K, stocks and pensions will be for my enjoyment alone because he won't be around to retire. Sad really...


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

The main issue here is communication. Don't be afraid to tell him that you want/need sex, and why it's important to you. Then you can compromise on the number of times each week you should have sex.

You should have him go to the doctor and get his T levels checked. You can even go online (walkinlab.com) order the test, pay with a CC, go to LabCorp and get tested, and see for yourself. No trip to the doctor unless it is really low (lab report gives normal ranges for comparison).

My wife and I are 50, and a few years ago, she had a hormonal shift and wanted sex ALL THE TIME. Total LD to HD flip flop. She even had to take extra panties to work because her p*ssy was wet all the time. This lasted about 4-5 months. It was a lot of fun while it lasted (she could have 20-30 orgasms per session when we had sex), and it changed her attitude about sex forever.

I do notice now that I don't have the drive I had in my 30's and 40's. I can still perform, but sex is not on my mind all the time like it used to be. My testosterone levels were around 400 last year (a bit low), and it takes some direct stimulation of my c*ck (from me or wifee) to get hard most of the time, but I think I do OK for a guy my age.

It is one of life's greatest paradoxes that men's sex drive slows down and women's speed up as we age.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband will be 50 by the end of the year... We still have lots of sex, he is NOT a high test guy...but he's always loved "going at it" ....he can't go as much as he used to, once a day is his limit...if he could , he would though. 

He never gets bored , and craves the emotional closeness it brings to both of us......We've talked much about this ,cause I was worried he was slowing down 4 yrs ago...when my drive was really HIGH...I even sent him to get his Test checked. 

I Enjoy getting him going, and very much understand as men age, they need even more enthusiasm from their wives...we need to bring the novelty and make it exciting..it is our turn NOW..to take those reigns. 

Here is a book that could be helpful to you, written by a sex therapist >> 

All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50: Barbara, Ph.D. Keesling:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband is 47 and his T level was 170. He still desired me and we had sex 3 times a week. He struggled but he wanted to make me happy so he put forth the effort as did I. Communication is key.

He's now on T and its like being married to an 18 year old. We have sex daily.

None of this would have been possible until I fixed my part in this. He needed to WANT to make me happy. Make sense?


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