# Separated wife, contact with my friends on facebook



## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

She already reached across the line once to contact my mother for emotional support and understanding of her decision, and concealed the fact of their conversations. My mentally unstable mother, participated in trying to make her feel better, which was a bad decision on her part. I think I eliminated that issue, when I called them both out on their inappropriate behavior.

We had another fight when I contacted one of her friends, not about our relationship, but to apologize for some nasty things I said to her. In fact I made a point to say in the email I sent, that this was just to apologize and didn't want to discuss my marriage. My wife said it was not cool for us to try to be friends with each others support groups since "this marriage is over, no chance of reconciliation". Ok cool, I'm fine with that, however if one of her friends wants to be my friend, it's really none of her business. But I certainly won't try to turn her friends against her or even initiate contact with them.


I get on facebook today, and I notice she has left a bunch of friendly comments on one of my friend's pages. A female friend, who has been there since the beginning of the relationship, who knew me when I was out dating around and living the bachelor lifestyle long before I met my wife. We were each other's Dr. Phil.


Should I call my wife out on her hypocritical commenting, or should I let it go, or should I talk to my friend?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Rational loses to irrational in any such conversation.

So don't bother calling her out. 

Just be friends with whomever you wish. Don't concern yourself with her actions. Whatever game she's playing is out of your control. And cut your mom some slack.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I agree with michzz, just let it go. You be friends with who you choose and let her do the same. Hopefully your long time female friend will see thru you ex wife's crap, if not then maybe you need a new 'Dr. Phil". Just move on with your life and let your ex play games with face book friends if that is what she wants. It is obvious she is just trying to get under your skin. Don't let her.


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## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

Most likely she is still looking for allies in this situation, she tried to explain her decision to my sister and my sister told her "I'm not here to help you feel better aout your decision, I'm here for my brother". Nobody agrees with or understands her decision and if they do, they haven't said so.

I talked to my friend, she said she hasn't responded, but if my wife tries to explain things to her, she'll tell her sh thinks she's making poor choices. I won't bring it up, it'll just cause another arguement, and I'm simply bored with arguing with her now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I get the sense that you see all of this as a competition to prove "who is right." Let that go--it's a no win situation, b/c all you really want (probably) is for her to admit you are right, to come back, and to restore your family. No matter how many friends either of you gains or loses, you won't feel any better about things if you stay focused on "winning" in some way. 

That's why letting go of this issue is so important--find something other than her activities to occupy your time and attention. It isn't easy, but it will get easier with time. When you notice something on FB, for example, immediately have something else planned for such occasions so you don't dwell on what you just noticed--and make an effort to redirect your thoughts when they shift back to these issues. It takes a lot of mental energy but can be done. Good luck.


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## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

I guess that's probably true to a degree, I do want to work things out if that's possible, but I also accept that she wants out of this relationship. One thing I am doing better is not letting her know my every feeling or action. Its simply none of her business at this point, and NO I don't want to be married to the person she has become, if she stays like she is, I'm so much better off anyway. I am also moving on, not calling or txting or emailing unless its important and pertinent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

What led to the separation? 

If I were to guess, I'd say at least one of you had control issues. At the moment you are _both_ fighting to be in control. The only thing you've managed to do by making this deal is create another issue. Let her know that she's free to speak to anyone she'd like as you will be doing the same.


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## nynaeve3 (Apr 12, 2011)

I think you're right to let it go, definitely. By the sounds of thing it would probably have turned into another argument leading nowhere and this way if you allow her to do as she wishes in this circumstance then you can also continue to be friends with who you want and show it's no issue. As you said, it's neither of your other businesses who you're friends with (if that makes sense!).


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## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

I personally don't care if she wants to be friends with my friends, but I'd prefer she and my mother don't discuss me and our marriage behind my back, at this point.

I've never misrepresented her to anyone, and I'd hope she' have enough sense to not misrepresent me.


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

My wife and I cancelled our Facebook account over a year ago and we are not going back. It was a wonderful, liberating decision...but I suppose this is another thread topic.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do not call your wife out on anything. Let it go. She does not want to be married anymore. She is no longer your problem.


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