# wife has no concern about our problems



## tno (Feb 10, 2015)

Hello,

This is my first post. Thanks for taking the time to read it and offer your feedback.

Background:
My wife and I have been married for almost 16 years. We have a 2 year old daughter. I work full time and my wife currently works part time and cares for our child on the other days. My wife is the primary caregiver for our daughter. Financially, we make good money and are both in professional careers with a college education. In addition, we own substantial rental real estate, and also a small business(laundromat). I am in the process of exiting the laundromat business within the next 2 months, as it is not very profitable and adds too much complexity to our lives.

Current situation:
Our financial situation is in complete disarray. Tax returns are unfiled for multiple years. The rental properties are in a state of neglect and high vacancy. We are barely making ends meet. I am working constantly(24x7x365) to try to manage everything and keep my head above water. It is a huge burden, but I am highly motivated to find a solution to these challenges.

The problem:
As these problems have evolved over the past 5-10 years, I have attempted to get help from my wife on a regular basis. Sometimes, she would help me by doing small tasks that were well within her comfort zone. These tasks did little to benefit our situation. I told her, "I need a partner, not a helper." I told her , "please engage". Over the past 2-3 years, I have increased the intensity of my discussions with her. These discussions are very heated, and typically end with both of us mad and nothing changing. Lately, as our finances are getting especially bad, I have asked her "when will this become real for you?". I tell her that we are facing bankruptcy, homelessness, divorce, complete financial ruin, IRS legal actions, loss of everything we've worked for years to build , etc. None of these things seem to register with her. Literally, she will do NOTHING at all to try to solve our problems, then I will bring it up again after a few weeks and there will be another heated discussion. It is insanity, because I am working at this stuff all day, every day - meanwhile she is working on it NEVER. I just can't understand how someone can be so obtuse.

What I've tried:
-Giving her small tasks. She approaches these as low priority, to be done if and when she feels like it. I can't depend on her for this. 
-I asked her to read the book "3 Simple Steps". I hoped this would give her some motivation to WANT to help us. This didn't seem to help.
-I asked her to act as my adviser/mentor/director. Instead of DOING anything, she can simply engage at a high level and help me stay motivated and focused. She can help make high-level strategic suggestions/decisions. This did not happen.
-I asked her to gain a breadth-level understanding of our problems. Nothing.
-I asked her to try a depth-level attack of 1-2 problems. Nothing.
-I asked her to simply be my cheerleader, and say things like "we can solve these problems", "we can get through this", "this matters to me", "I value our marriage", "I want our family to be successful", etc. Amazingly, she can't/won't even do this. It is like there is no inspiration inside of her. 

Why this bothers me:
I already know the simple solution is to just be a man, suck it up, and take care of business. But it kills me to do this while my wife is completely checked out and demonstrates no concern about our situation. I question WHY I am doing this. Why am I putting in heroic efforts for someone that puts NO value on it? This is the question that plagues me. If I could get past this, it would be a huge burden off my shoulders and I could move ahead with much more focus.

I take most of the blame for placing us in this situation. If I had realized long ago that she was unwilling to step up and be part of the solution, I would have made different choices. However, that does not change our current situation, and I can't make these problems just magically go away.

I am starting to think that she may have some mental illness or depression that keeps her from engaging beyond her comfort zone, even in times of desperation. She is a good mother and is good at her job(elementary teacher). She takes decent care of the house, cooks, cleans, etc. She is not lazy. However, she is simply not motivated to help in the areas that demand our attention.

I found a wonderful post on another forum that sums up my situation very well:
"My wife has no ambition to better herself nor any motivation to progress beyond her current state and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm firmly convinced that if I went to sleep for 20 years and awakened, I'd find her in the same level of progress she's at currently with no change. I'm not sure if it's depression, anxiety, or what. She seems to require hand-holding for virtually anything she doesn't already know how to do. "

What other strategies can I try?
How can I come to terms with this and be successful in spite of her?
Could she have a mental illness that would help explain this?
Has anyone faced a similar situation and what did you do?

Thanks for your help !


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi tno,

I am sorry you're in such a tough spot!

A few things came to mind while reading your post. The first thing is: it sounds like you've had a lot of plates spinning for a long time. You've both worked in professional careers, and have been landlords, and have run another small business. That is a lot.

Then you had a child.

One of the hardest things for me, personally, upon becoming a mom was the forced realization that it limited a lot of what I could do. A huge amount of energy goes into parenting and it frankly ticked me off that suddenly I was only able to handle, at best, a few things a time. It was one of the biggest adjustments that I had to make. My son is now four and I am still operating at maybe 50-60% of what I used to do. There is only so much energy, brain space, and time to get things done in any given day. Your little one is still pretty young and needs a lot of hands-on care.

I noticed that you intensified the discussions in the last 2-3 years, which would be when she was pregnant and then the first two years of your daughter's life. You were trying to ramp up her engagement. She was likely ramping down- I think it's nearly universal that a mom loses energy as her body grows, births, feeds, and parents a very young child. 

I know it is terrible timing for you and her and your financial situation; at the same time, I think it's normal for her to retreat. You are working 24/7/365 so she is on her own pretty much doing the parenting, yes?

If she is doing the parenting she might just feel that the business stuff is on you. Working, parenting, house stuff- that is nothing to sneeze at. It's a lot of work on her end and she might just not have anything else to give you. If so I can sympathize with her. 

I really doubt she is mentally ill. I suspect she has grown and gone quite out of her comfort zone as she has moved into parenthood. She just doesn't share your drive. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with her. She may feel that you are spinning your wheels and it's getting nowhere, and she doesn't want to join you?

I think you will do well to quit focusing on your wife and instead think about how you can simply things to a more reasonable level. Find out what she is truly willing to do, how much you can honestly and truthfully expect her to bring in, and find some solutions. If you don't think you can get the answer from her, just take what she is making now and go from there.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

The problems that you describe are quite complex, and solving them can have complicated, far-ranging effects. Your wife may be overwhelmed. Can you give us examples of the simple tasks you've asked her to take on? A lot of people are intimidated by business, taxes, legal contracts, the IRS, etc, which could *partially* explain her inaction and her inability to be your cheerleader. Have you two visited a CPA and/or lawyer together, to discuss/clarify these issues and your plan to tackle them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You have overworked yourself and your wife. She has a job and taking care of your daughter and your home. She already has a full-time job (part-time teaching, your daughter, and homecare) and can't take anymore chores.

As for you, you have taken on way too much. I have a full time job and have rental properties. Managing rental properties is very difficult as tenants are oftentimes destructive, contract breakers, and above all - deadbeats in paying rents. Are you managing your rental properties yourself? If you are, you need to have a management real estate office to help you with your affairs.

You mentioned that you are behind in taxes. Boy, oh Boy! You are in great trouble when the IRS and the state catches up with you. You need to have a licensed accounting office sort out your problems. Hire a bookkeeper to sort out your paperwork or get out of the rental business altogether. 

Don't lash out on your wife. She is a good partner. You got too caught up in trying to move financially ahead. Your efforts are commendable, but you cannot do it alone. Save your marriage by not expecting too much of your wife and yourself. Divest on your investments that are not bringing in profits. You will financially sink your ship if you continue on your course.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hire a bankruptcy attorney and file an "Offer in Compromise" with the IRS. Otherwise the interest and penalties WILL bankrupt you.

Interestingly, it's not illegal to not pay your taxes if you can't. But it IS illegal to not FILE your taxes. Do not delay filing even one more day.

And your wife is not capable of doing what you are asking her to do. So quit asking.

Hire an accountant, and sell the d*mn rentals and laundromat which are clearly losing propositions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Your wife is not as all-in on your marriage as you want to think she is. If she was, she'd be your champion.

She doesn't love you any more.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

How involved was your wife originally in pursuing these extra business activities? Was she originally responsible for some of the decisions and the workload and she's stopped meeting those responsibilities?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I am also wondering how things got so bad in the first place. Was there an agreement in place about who will do what before it got so bad?


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## neglected42 (Aug 11, 2014)

Wow, ok, teacher rant here. I, too, am a part time teacher (2/3 schedule). I am at work between five and seven hours a day, and bring home work a minimum of 3 days a week. I don't know why everyone thinks locking yourself in a room with 24 - 30 kids and trying to get them all to behave, pay attention and learn is so easy, but it is not! A good teacher has to prep interesting lessons... that means creating power points, labs, activities, worksheets. We need to assess, create tests, and mark to provide plenty of feedback to the students so they can set goals, and improve. We need to accommodate for all the different learning styles in a classroom (called differentiated learning), we need to address and work with all the different learning disabilities present in todays classroom. We are also responsible for dealing with the many students with mental health issues. Between learning disabilities and mental health issues, that makes up around 10 - 15% of the average classroom. We are not even considering yet having to deal with those kids whose parents are too lazy to teach them how to behave like a decent human being. Don't get me wrong here, I love my job most days. I have no problems with hard work.....but make no mistake. If you are a good teacher, you are working your butt off in what is often times a high stress environment. Honestly, help out for a day in your wife's classroom, your eyes will be opened!

So, she teaches during the day. Does all the child care, cooking and taking care of the house. I suppose when the child is sick, she is dealing with it in the night, and then dragging her sorry arse into work the next day, coming home, making dinner, cleaning, taking care of the child, etc, etc, etc.

I get it that you are working hard, but there is only 24 hours in a day. What more do you really expect your wife to do? You are going to work her into the ground. When she had your daughter she became responsible for all aspects of another persons life. Between that and being responsible for 24 - 30 other lives during the day, where is she to have room in her poor head to fit in all your business issues?

For heaven's sake. Do your best to lighten the load, even if it costs you in the end. Give yourself and your poor wife a break!


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## tno (Feb 10, 2015)

Thanks for the replies. Please keep them coming. I appreciate all your great ideas.

I will reply to your questions shortly.

For now, please consider a simple current example:
I don't currently have enough money to pay the bills. I have bills piling up, overdue, late fees, etc. I explain this to my wife, and say "please help or offer a suggestion". Nothing. I wait a few days. She never brings it up again. I wait a week. I say "you've now had time to think about it, what ideas did you have?". Nothing. I say "what could you do today/tomorrow to help with this?" Nothing. I say "what would you do if I was unable to handle these things due to illness/etc?". Nothing.

Some simple ideas might include: asking how much money we have in the bank, asking how much money we owe, looking at our bank statements(paper or online) to see how much money we have, looking at the bills to see how much we owe and which bills could possibly be postponed, thinking about future income and whether it will help improve our situation(or not), looking for other sources of funds(retirement account, 401k loan, loan from parents, etc). She doesn't do ANY of these things. She simply listens to me, then ignores the topic completely until I bring it up again.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Hire a bankruptcy attorney and file an "Offer in Compromise" with the IRS. Otherwise the interest and penalties WILL bankrupt you.
> 
> Interestingly, it's not illegal to not pay your taxes if you can't. But it IS illegal to not FILE your taxes. Do not delay filing even one more day.
> 
> ...


In bold is the biggest thing. Your W is not capable and it appears these problems are very overwhelming. 

Now, instead of telling her what she needs to do. Ask her what she would be comfortable handling. I suspect it will be, her job, home and child. If so, let her get your home in order. Disorder at home brings disorder in relationships and life. It took 5-10 years to get this way. It will take that long to get out from under it. It appears getting order outside of the home is for you to handle.

Time for a credit counselor to get help in losing the bills and or setting up payment plans.


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

Not enough information to really make any suggestions. Some questions:

You work 24X7X365. Does your wife? 
Sounds like you're broke. Not enough income? Bad investments (laundramat, etc.) or spending problem?
Why are the taxes undone? In my house that's my job. Whose job is it yours?
How's your marriage otherwise? Love your wife? She love you?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

TNO,

She can't or won't help you. And it doesn't matter which of those two reasons is the cause. 

So here's your plan:
1. Accept full responsibility for fixing this mess - unfair as it is - that's reality
2. Make a list of steps that will address your near term cash flow problems
3. Call your creditors and explain you are selling an asset (laundromat) to enable you to pay them and ask if they will accept a reduced monthly payment for the next 6 months or until you seek it whichever is sooner
4. Either get renters or sell your unrented properties. Keeping properties that you cannot rent is a big cash flow drain
5. Get some individual counseling - you have some fairly serious issues that have nothing to do with your wife





QUOTE=tno;11784330]Thanks for the replies. Please keep them coming. I appreciate all your great ideas.

I will reply to your questions shortly.

For now, please consider a simple current example:
I don't currently have enough money to pay the bills. I have bills piling up, overdue, late fees, etc. I explain this to my wife, and say "please help or offer a suggestion". Nothing. I wait a few days. She never brings it up again. I wait a week. I say "you've now had time to think about it, what ideas did you have?". Nothing. I say "what could you do today/tomorrow to help with this?" Nothing. I say "what would you do if I was unable to handle these things due to illness/etc?". Nothing.

Some simple ideas might include: asking how much money we have in the bank, asking how much money we owe, looking at our bank statements(paper or online) to see how much money we have, looking at the bills to see how much we owe and which bills could possibly be postponed, thinking about future income and whether it will help improve our situation(or not), looking for other sources of funds(retirement account, 401k loan, loan from parents, etc). She doesn't do ANY of these things. She simply listens to me, then ignores the topic completely until I bring it up again.[/QUOTE]


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Quit asking her to come up with solutions - she doesn't have any. You, yourself don't have any. You want to understand why she isn't motivated so you can move ahead with more focus.

You want her to be your cheerleader and you want, you want, you want.

How about dedicating half a day when the kids are out to go over all of this stuff with your wife and coming up with a plan? 

It isn't just her fault that you're in this mess. Work on it together.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

And taking control means - just that.

1. Create a short written plan - bullet point goals with dates
2. If it will help - cut up your credit cards and go to a cash based budget system until you dig out of this mess 
3. Give the written plan to your wife and let her know you are glad to discuss it if she has questions - but do NOT ask for her help - you will only end up feeling angry and resentful when she rejects your request for input
4. Don't present the budget as a punishment for her lack of assistance. Present it as doing what is needed for the financial health of your family




MEM11363 said:


> TNO,
> 
> She can't or won't help you. And it doesn't matter which of those two reasons is the cause.
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

She is either: checked out, is depressed, doesn't love you, is not organized, doesn't care.


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## tno (Feb 10, 2015)

Sorry for taking so long to reply. Thanks again for all your suggestions. I would love to get more feedback on this. 

My problems are still ongoing, and my situation is largely unchanged.

*Update:* I did sell my laundromat business, which has been a great time burden lifted from my shoulders. I am getting more regular sleep now. I am no longer getting phone calls from customers who need help at the laundry.

*To: RoseAglow*
"I know it is terrible timing for you and her and your financial situation; at the same time, I think it's normal for her to retreat. You are working 24/7/365 so she is on her own pretty much doing the parenting, yes?"

*Answer: *
Yes, she is doing the vast majority of the parenting. This is a very good fit for her, and she is a natural at this. Prior to having children, she did very little to help me with the topics mentioned in my first post. Not much has changed in that sense after having children. She has just found something new(a child) to fill up a lot of her time which was previously spent doing little of importance (hanging out around the house). I don't really see anything that has directly suffered as a result of having a child, except that we no longer go out to dinner/drinks like we did before(which really does not bother me).

*To: RoseAglow*
"She just doesn't share your drive. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with her. She may feel that you are spinning your wheels and it's getting nowhere, and she doesn't want to join you?"

*Answer:*
That is a very good point, which I had not considered. If I was wildly successful, would she become more interested and engaged? Perhaps I can answer this question in the future if I am able to become more successful. You reminded me of this quote by Jamie Zawinski: "two kinds of people: those who want to go work for a company to make it successful, and those who want to go work for a successful company. “

*To: dignityhonorpride*
"Can you give us examples of the simple tasks you've asked her to take on?"

*Answer:*
Here are a few ideas:
Keep common groceries stocked, without running out fairly often.
Consistently clean the house
Organize or discard piles of clothes which seem to linger in our bedroom for years.
Pay bills
Be concerned about, and know about our finances, such as: what bank accounts we have. 
Help manage tenant accounts, create statements, followup on late payers.
Help clean out the garage
Organize files

*To: dignityhonorpride*
"Have you two visited a CPA and/or lawyer together, to discuss/clarify these issues and your plan to tackle them?"

*Answer:*
No. Very good suggestion.

*To: Roselyn*
"Are you managing your rental properties yourself?"

*Answer:*
Currently, yes. Previously I had a property manager for some of the rental properties. I need to hire them again. I am working on this now.

*To: happy as a clam*
"And your wife is not capable of doing what you are asking her to do. So quit asking."

*Answer:*
I think you are correct. It is hard for me to accept this.

*To: MachoMcCoy*
"Your wife is not as all-in on your marriage as you want to think she is. If she was, she'd be your champion."

*Answer:*
I wonder if there is a way to get her to be more invested in the marriage. I feel like she considers it to be disposable, like it doesn't even matter. I wonder if we were to divorce, would she take any responsibility for the divorce? When I touch on this subject, she asserts that she wants to stay married but does not put any extra effort towards fixing these problems that we have.

*To: Rowan*
"How involved was your wife originally in pursuing these extra business activities? Was she originally responsible for some of the decisions and the workload and she's stopped meeting those responsibilities?"

*Answer:*
Yes, she was responsible for some(not all) of the decisions. I certainly take some of the blame. However, we would not be in this situation if it was not for her crazy/insane inputs to our decision making. Basically, what happened is: she has forced us to make (or has been complicit in) some VERY expensive and life-changing choices, but then had absolutely NO follow-through to ensure success after the decision was made; instead leaving everything on my shoulders. I have spent the last 10 years living through the pain of these decisions on a daily basis. I think she has very little regret, remorse, or accountability for any of this. I can't believe I made any major decisions based on her input. It is truly amazing how carefree one can be with the life/goals/dreams of another person. In very basic terms, she has ruined my life, and continues to do so on a daily basis(by not helping) as I attempt to rebuild it.

*To: SlowlyGoingCrazy*
"I am also wondering how things got so bad in the first place. Was there an agreement in place about who will do what before it got so bad?"

*Answer:*
Well, I always thought of marriage as a partnership. But clearly I have different expectations than my wife. Sure, we had some conversations about this. She is great to talk to and sound out different options. But she will not go do anything after those conversations. She is just not motivated to help.

*To: Neglected42*
"I get it that you are working hard, but there is only 24 hours in a day. What more do you really expect your wife to do? "

*Answer:*
I get it. She is busy. But at least, she could be concerned about these things and offer some ideas to get to a solution. Ignoring the problem is not the answer. If she spent 30 minutes per day REALLY thinking about this, it would be a significant contribution compared to what she is doing now.

*To: Neglected42*
"Between that and being responsible for 24 - 30 other lives during the day, where is she to have room in her poor head to fit in all your business issues?"

*Answer:*
Maybe it is simply too much for her or too complicated. I can accept that. However, that does not erase the bad decisions that WE made. WE need to resolve these things. Perhaps this is why people end up in divorce or bankruptcy or addictions: one or both parties simply gives up, and the whole house of cards starts to crumble. 

*To: BWBill*
"You work 24X7X365. Does your wife?"

*Answer:*
It is really amazing: my initial reaction to this question. I have worked COUNTLESS late nights, sleepless nights, weekends, holidays, etc over the years to deal with whatever urgent problems were happening at : my work, the laundromat, the rentals, creating paperwork for the bank, taxes, bills, etc. I am literally working at these things nearly all the time, except when I am sick. I try to get a full night's sleep because otherwise I get run down and become ineffective. My wife on the other hand has always enjoyed a long night's sleep (8-10 hours). She is never there in the crisis situations where you do whatever it takes to get things done. She has a very simple, low-stress routine: daily, weekly. Very few concerns. Unless I bring up anything of this stuff: then she gets really mad and pouts for a couple days until the sting wears off , then she is back to her to normal routine.

*To: BWBill*
"Sounds like you're broke. Not enough income? Bad investments (laundromat, etc.) or spending problem?"

*Answer:*
Not broke yet. But things are getting worse every day. Really, the problem is cash flow due to high vacancy at the rental properties. 

*To: BWBill*
"Why are the taxes undone? In my house that's my job. Whose job is it yours?"

*Answer:*
My wife has no interest in even attempting to understand anything related to taxes. Ever. She certainly would not take on this as her job. I don't think she would even try to figure out her own paycheck from her job to understand the deductions. She just does not care at all. This leaves me to have the job of taxes.
Why are they not done? My files are not organized enough to get them done. I have boxes of receipts, statements, and bills. I have not taken the time to get it all organized. I estimate it would take me 2-4 weeks of full time focus to get this done. It is hard to find this time. At some point, I will need to stop and make this my highest priority and just get it done. Everything else will suffer during this time.

*To: BWBill*
"How's your marriage otherwise? Love your wife? She love you?"

*Answer:*
The marriage is good, if I ignore all these problems. "Ignorance is bliss" comes to mind. If all of these things could disappear, things would be fine. We get along, and we enjoy time with our child. She loves me. I love her. But I resent that she will not face these problems and help me. It is frustrating. 

*To: MEM11363*
"5. Get some individual counseling - you have some fairly serious issues that have nothing to do with your wife"

*Answer:*
Please tell me what you see as my serious issues. I would like to understand them and fix them if I can.

*To: Blondilocks*
"How about dedicating half a day when the kids are out to go over all of this stuff with your wife and coming up with a plan? "

*Answer:*
I think this is a good idea. I can certainly do that. My wife might help make the plan, but would not be active in implementing the plan. I have already tried this to some extent. The consistent effort is just not there from her. I might as well make a plan with a stranger on the street. I can keep trying. But, I also need to acknowledge when something is not working.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You sold the Laundromat. You are now working to get a management company to handle your rental. These are all very good choices.

I think you need to just stop expecting your wife to engage in the financial and management part of all this. For whatever reason, she is not present. The reason she gives you to input and had no ideas is that she does not want to be involved. She probably does not really know how to do handle all the things you are handling.

I had to do that in my marriage with my second husband. He was much like your wife. It was less frustrating for me to just take care of it all.

Is it 'fair'? Nope. But it is what it is. 

Once you get the management company to handle your rentals, I assume you will have more time on your hands. So now you can get things done for your taxes.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I think there are two issues here. 
Something happened, in which you sought your wifes input. She made wrong choices and you resent her for that. 
That is a pretty big deal and can eat away at a marriage.  You are going to have to find some way to forgive her, even if she doesn't apologize...otherwise this is going to eat away at her. 

The second issue is that your wife just sucks in a crisis. She's a put her head in the sand kind of person. She shuts down. My guess is that she doesn't know how to help you. She probably feels powerless and perhaps a little guilty...she has no control over your situation...and so she would rather not know. It's not the most healthy response...
But I do you are wrong for assuming she has a stress free life. Taking care of a child is stressful, and being a teacher is stressful. And that is all the stress she can handle. 

And as I type this...I think you are asking wife for the wrong thing. You don't want her help...from what you've described she isn't very good at the financial stuff. What you want from her is her support...her emotional support. Her acknowledgement that you are really stressed out and struggling. But she can't give you that as long she feels like you are blaming her for the mess you guys are in. So that takes back to the beginning...you've got to forgive her and then start asking for what you really want and need from her.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I have to wonder if you badgered your wife to participate before the crises rolled together. You say she wasn't very involved but made some bad decisions--why on earth was she making decisions if she wasn't 100% involved? Why do you blame her for the decisions if you agreed with them--which you did, because you shared decision making power with her? 

Just from the way you write you come across as a difficult person to be around. Any truth in that?


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## private123 (May 24, 2015)

Have you guys filed for counseling? Your wife maybe avoiding the issues because she simply does not know how to help or offer assistance. She maybe secretly depressed and going through dealing with the burden another way which is not healthy for either of you. People going through depression offer neglect others and life around them. By doing this they think that they don't have to do anything but avoid the issue and it will somehow go away. But we all know problems don't work this way. I think you should take evasive action, and take your wife somewhere that is special to both of you and start on a positive note and then start breaking the ice by letting her see your vulnerable side towards the situation. Then you should just ask her what she would of done differently to see if she offers an opinion then. As women sometimes we try to keep everything else afloat and neglect our better half, thus letting ourselves/marriage go. As far as the IRS is concerned I really think you should seek a Tax attorney immediately. My husband and I almost got garnished, but they allowed us to make payment on any penalties thankfully.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

tno said:


> *To: dignityhonorpride*
> "Can you give us examples of the simple tasks you've asked her to take on?"
> 
> *Answer:*
> ...


I think everyone is being hard on him. His wife is completely disengaged from the problems they are having, I can see why he is upset. She isn't even engaged enough in their life on a homemaking level to keep groceries stocked, keep the house clean, help clean out the garage, manage their clothes, or even know what bank accounts they have while he is left dealing with these current crises. Sometimes in life you need to step up and face things together and pull out all of the stops....It's not fun, but it's life.

She works part time. They have one child. I am in education, too. I work with a bunch of women...a handful are single moms like me...We have (multiple) kids, work full time, own and manage and take care of homes all on our own, pay the bills, manage bank accounts, organize tax documents, etc. It's pretty common to be able to handle these things in life.

I didn't understand some of the replies here. I have no advice, unfortunately, and can only say I totally get your frustration..


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Not having time to get organized is not a valid reason for failing to file your income taxes, and given your particular situation, the ramifications (penalties and interest) could be crippling. You really, really need to get organized, get everything to a cpa at a reputable firm, and file. I'm an accountant; I've seen this play out and it's never pretty unless the taxpayer gets in compliance voluntarily. Even then, it's a bit of a nightmare. Please take care of this as soon as you can, for your own sake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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