# Help?



## Yoda (Jun 3, 2013)

Well, I am not sure how to talk about this other than just saying it and getting advice. I have been married to wife for 19 years. We have 2 great children, a great house and I have a good job. My issue is wife the lack of intimacy. My wife never wants to intimate and if I try to “make a move” she is too tired, doesn’t feel like it, or it is that time of the month. Before I continue I need to add that about 14 years ago I was unfaithful. That was a mistake and almost cost me everything :banghead::banghead:. I think that maybe one reason my wife isn’t being intimate but I am not sure. 

When I asked her why we are rarely intimate, she has said that she was too busy taking care of things around the house and I never helped out. Well, after that I have adjusted and do the dishes, laundry, cook, etc and I feel that I am doing my fair share of chores around the house. Still nothing . I am starting to get the feeling that I am just a pay check to her. It has gotten so bad that I have looked into how much child support would be if we divorced. But I don’t want to do that. She would never be able to afford to live on her own with or without the kids. And if the kids decided to stay with me and not her I am sure she would be crushed and I am afraid what she would do. I just want her to show some affection and for us to have a normal sex life. If a normal sex life is having sex once every three months than I guess I will just learn to live with it.  Thanks for any advice.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Did your affair begin the lack of frequency, or was that already and issue?

How often do you and your wife have quality alone time together?

How would you describe the affection between you two. Who typically initiates affection and how is it typically returned?

How was the affair dealt with? Has she really forgiven you or is she simply going through the motions?

What are you willing to do in oder to make this marriage work?

Is there anything else going on her life that might cause her to not want to have sex with you?


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## Yoda (Jun 3, 2013)

It was already an issue.

Rarely do we get alone time. When we do get it and I ask about having sex, she says we have too many other things to do.

I am the only one who initiates. A kiss, hug, reaching to hold her hand. It is accepted but returned in kind.

I am not sure if she has forgiven me. It was a one night fling, she said she has forgiven me, but....

I am willing to stay and "take things into my own hand" but like to have a sex life...other than with myself.

Other than being busy with two busy athletic kids...nope.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I would suggest marriage counseling to get past the affair and for her to understand how important if she is going to forgive, that getting back to a loving intimate relationship is important or you are just going to cheat again (simply for sex) she needs to understand how important sex is for a man, and that is (as many men mention on here) the one thing that marriage vows prevent you for getting fulfilled elsewhere. I would even suggest she read some of this forum (if she cannot tell who you are) and the many many stories of unhappy rejected men and exactly how they feel. I know it helped me to see things from my husbands standpoint.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You are a HD guy and she is a LD woman.

It was like this from the very beginning.

It lead to to be sexually starved, weak and had an affair.

You are truly sorry and its been 14 years of being faithful.

I would say go to marriage counseling and see if its the affair from way back. If it is, you both can finally work on it. If it isn't, then she is just LD and doesn't seem to want change.

Either live with her LD ways or move on.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yoda,
If you are looking for a quick fix - there isn't one. 

If however you are willing to work through a process, then perhaps your situation can be significantly improved. 

The folks who tend to achieve a good/great outcome share a short list of traits:
- Highly self aware
- Brutally honest 
- Focused on discovering the truth, whatever that turns out to be
- Reasonably smart
- Patient
- Disciplined
- Moderate to high risk tolerance 





Yoda said:


> It was already an issue.
> 
> Rarely do we get alone time. When we do get it and I ask about having sex, she says we have too many other things to do.
> 
> ...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> Yoda,
> If you are looking for a quick fix - there isn't one.
> 
> If however you are willing to work through a process, then perhaps your situation can be significantly improved.
> ...


Damn mem...zombie thread by 2 1/2 years...


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

MEM11363 said:


> Yoda,
> If you are looking for a quick fix - there isn't one.
> 
> If however you are willing to work through a process, then perhaps your situation can be significantly improved.
> ...


-Drinks Mightily

DUDE


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oops

Sorry guys.




samyeagar said:


> Damn mem...zombie thread by 2 1/2 years...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

MEM11363 said:


> Oops
> 
> Sorry guys.


One Moderator Demerit Applied


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Well since even the CDC is into zombies and there is a popular TV show about a zombie medical examiner in Seattle, why not continue.

I would agree with the list, but add a couple more characteristics.

Willing to try change to see what it will bring.
Willing to admit that you might be part of the problem
Willing to forgive the pain that their partner has inflicted upon them.
Focused on the future and not the past.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Young at Heart said:


> Well since even the CDC is into zombies and there is a popular TV show about a zombie medical examiner in Seattle, why not continue.
> 
> Focused on the future and not the past.


Interesting!:grin2:


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Well dang. Now I wanna know what Yoda decided!

:lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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