# Need Surveillance Advice from TAM



## FamilyMan1000 (Apr 25, 2016)

I've been a long-time follower of the forums, and first time poster (unfortunately).

My wife of 5 years has become good friends within the past 6 months with a lesbian, about 10 years my wife's junior (wife is 35, other woman is 25). 

I've begun to have concerns over their relationship over the past month or so. When they initially became friends, the three of us would do things together. However, more recently, it has become focused exclusively on them. Which on the one hand, is fine, since I'm not trying to prevent my wife from having friends. However, this seems to have gone wayyyyy too far for my comfort.

Here were my red flags:

1. For example, since we began dating, my wife proclaimed how much she hates talking on the phone. We spent a year early in our marriage living on different continents due to military service, and in that year, she would only talk on the phone 3-4 times total. However, when I looked at my most recent phone bill, I see that from the moment my wife leaves the house in the morning for work (and she has a 45 minute commute), she's on the phone with this other woman. During every break at work, she's on the phone with her. And on her way home at night, she's on her phone with her. 

2. My wife has become EXTREMELY possessive of her phone. Even going so far as to take it in the bathroom with her while showering. I know her iCloud password, so I was able to pull her text message records from her backup files. It was obvious to me (just from the fact that I know she's getting text messages at certain times while we're together from this other woman, and then they aren't in the backup files) that she's scrubbing messages from her phone to try to erase any "evidence."

3. I can also run a check of her location using the iCloud password. The other night, I had dinner all made, and she didn't show up. I finally called and asked where she was. She gave me a whole song and dance about how she missed the bus (she works at the airport and takes a bus to/from employee parking to the airport), and then there was an accident on the freeway and she's running way behind. When I checked her location then, I noticed that she was actually just a few blocks from our house, in an empty parking lot (which was actually a place in the text messages between her and the other woman, which they spoke about meeting at previously).

This past Saturday night, the other woman's parents were throwing her a "going away" party, since she's leaving to join the Army and report for basic training today. I decided that I would step up my surveillance prior to the night, and placed a VAR in my wife's car. 

I got a call early Sunday morning from my VERY drunk wife, asking me to come and pick her up, which I did. Later on Sunday, we went to retrieve her car, and I listened to the recording on the way back to the house. 

Here's where I need some help from those with more audio and VAR experience than me:

Obviously, it isn't the most high quality recording, since I had to hide the VAR. In addition, the radio is going during much of it. Here's what I heard:

-My wife and the other woman enter the car at the location of the party, to go to another bar

-The other woman repeatedly refer to my wife as "babe", "baby", and "boo".

-My wife tell the other woman that she's all she thinks about. She's the last thought on my wife's mind before she goes to bed, and the first thought on her mind when she wakes up.

I think, during the course of this "conversation" there's a lull in talking, and I believe I can pick up some kissing sounds. In addition, there were other comments that I couldn't pick up all of them, such as the other woman making a reference to someone calling her a home wrecker.

I'm posting the audio file here (you can ignore the last half of the audio file, it is just me driving the car back to the house, so there's nothing of importance on that), and would greatly appreciate any input anyone can offer, or if anyone has a way to get rid of some of the background noise, that would be fantastic (I tried with Audacity, but that really wound up distorting the good audio, to the point of not being able to understand it).

04232016


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Has your sex life changed since she started seeing this "friend?"


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## FamilyMan1000 (Apr 25, 2016)

Chaparral said:


> Has your sex life changed since she started seeing this "friend?"


Quite dramatically. While I would classify my wife previously as leaning toward LD, we would still have sex on a somewhat regular basis, and it was generally very good sex (according to her).

Recently, it has dried up to being pretty much non-existent. The only exception was Tuesday night last week, when she seemed interested, but as soon as we started, it was like she was engaging in it for the sole purpose of humiliating me. Every single thing I did or said was criticized, and it was bad all around. That was the only time in my life that after it was over, I felt horrible, and I just had a feeling in the out of my stomach afterwards that her goal had been accomplished.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She's clearly cheating. Not sure why you feel the need for more info, but @weightlifter should be able to assist in terms of getting better audio out of that file.

And by the way, you really should remove the link to that recording. I get why you deployed the VAR, but no one else needs to hear that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Sorry you're here OP,

Yes, your wife is cheating with a lesbian. You have enough evidence to conclude that. If you want more details, I'm sure you can readily get it from the VAR, her cell, or by having her followed; in pretty short order. Then you confront.

The next step is deciding what to do about it. D or R. If you want to consider R, she has to agree to no contact, exposure and the usual list of things that remorseful spouses should demonstrate.

Keep posting.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Yeah, there are audio experts you can email it to. I listened to it and it can be cleaned up.

She sounded quite drunk. She should not be driving for sure. 

And with the red flags you mention it most likely (95%) that they are a bit too close. EA/PA

But keep monitoring and don't ever reveal sources. Even when confronting. When you feel the need to confront, post here first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

"2. My wife has become EXTREMELY possessive of her phone. Even going so far as to take it in the bathroom with her while showering."

Sex life dried up and above quote is classic "cheaters script"


Thing is, the OW is going away to the army. So other than phone calls, hearing one sided, you will hopefully catch her saying sexual things to OW. Then you'll have evidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I could hear what sounds like "I'm not attracted to him" and at one point "he's such a FVCKING idiot"

Letting your wife chill with the lesbian is no better than letting her chill with some dude.

She is cheating lick'ity split. (Pun intended)


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

I realize this recording is poor but there's MORE THAN ENOUGH that I could decipher from it to come to the conclusion your W is having an affair with her. Your W is obviously pretty drunk and that's no excuse. I'm glad she called you though since a DUI or accident would only have compound the situation. 

Sorry you're here man.


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## FamilyMan1000 (Apr 25, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> I could hear what sounds like "I'm not attracted to him" and at one point "he's such a FVCKING idiot"
> 
> Letting your wife chill with the lesbian is no better than letting her chill with some dude.
> 
> She is cheating lick'ity split. (Pun intended)


I completely missed those two comments. Unfortunately, it wouldn't surprise me if either one of those things was said. I will have to go back and listen again.

I really appreciate everyone's help/advice here.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If there's a secondary audio source playing without serious tools you can't get the background audio out. You may want to try Adobe Audition which has the Sound Remover option and see if that helps. It's not quite as easy as removing vocals. 

https://forums.creativecow.net/thread/168/857203


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FamilyMan1000 said:


> Divinely Favored said:
> 
> 
> > I could hear what sounds like "I'm not attracted to him" and at one point "he's such a FVCKING idiot"
> ...


Are you listening with ear phones? It makes a difference. 

It sounds like a lovers spat...like she is upset she is being left for boot camp.


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## FamilyMan1000 (Apr 25, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> Are you listening with ear phones? It makes a difference.
> 
> It sounds like a lovers spat...like she is upset she is being left for boot camp.


Yes, I've got Bose noise canceling headphones, which I have found to be excellent in most other regards.

Perhaps it's just me (I'm obviously biased in the situation and may not be thinking the most clearly right now), but right around the 8:00 minute mark, is any one else picking up on kissing taking place?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You know she is cheating so what is your plan?
She clearly disrespects you and your marriage.

If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

FamilyMan1000 said:


> Yes, I've got Bose noise canceling headphones, which I have found to be excellent in most other regards.
> 
> Perhaps it's just me (I'm obviously biased in the situation and may not be thinking the most clearly right now), but right around the 8:00 minute mark, is any one else picking up on kissing taking place?



I was pretty sure I heard kissing, I also heard the louder one talking about being a "homewrecker" multiple times. It sounds like neither one of them is happy about being separated but it is hard to decipher much more. Your wife didn't want to be around the girls "folks" odd if they are "just friends".

You have more than enough to just file on your wife. Reconciliation after infidelity is not something I believe in. You've got a sexually fluid cheater on your hands, you can't trust her with men or women. Go see an attorney, don't confront without a solid game plan..


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## FamilyMan1000 (Apr 25, 2016)

Any advice on actually confronting her?

This isn't something that I can just ignore and look the other way about.

Some have commented in this thread and I've read elsewhere on TAM to avoid giving any details of how I obtained any evidence. In this instance, does that mean that I should use the recording in the confrontation, only allude to the fact that it was obtained by means other than a VAR (PI, etc)? Or should I avoid discussion of the recording all together? Instead just saying "I know that X, Y, and Z has happened" and offer no details as to how I know that, and see where it goes?

I'm obviously a rookie at this, so any insight that anyone can offer would be fantastic!


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

This exact thing happened to me. Very sorry to hear this. If I could do it all over again, I'd file for divorce right off the bat. That would be my advice. Take a strong, hard approach, and if she doesn't come groveling back and agree to cut off all contact with that woman and give you all her passwords, then continue with the divorce and never look back. By allowing my ex to file for divorce, I feel as though I lost a little of my own dignity. If adultery impacts alimony, then be sure to file on grounds of adultery. If you're in an alienation of affection state, sue the other woman while you're at it.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

If you need evidence for divorcing on grounds of adultery, find out what means are legal in your state. Ask your lawyer.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

She is cheating. You dont need any more proof. You have the VAR and that eludes to enough.

Do you share bank accounts or you support her?

If so take all the money from the joint account, put it in your own private account and cut off any access she might have to your credit cards etc.

Stop depositing your paycheck into a joint account and come down on this hard and fast.

Unless she sees that you are deadly serious about blowing up the whole marriage and you are willing to destroy her cosy little world that she expects you to support whilst she plays around nothing will change.

So sorry you are going through this but only a hardline approach from yourself will help the situation.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

See a lawyer. She's definitely cheating.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

See a lawyer and get the d started right after the ow ships off your wife will not be able to get a hold the ow 


Do some leg work and report the ow to her command


Edit after you confront tell her to "get your nasty hpv vag breath out out of my house I need some time to think and the sight of you makes me sick" have audio or video when you do this to cya from dv bs

And go dark like a ghost


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If she cheated with this one, what about another one?

Make or female? 

Your post is triggering me somewhat. My first LTR girlfriend was bi-sexual (it transpired) and she dumped me for a woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Around the 8:30 time I thought I heard the word "sex". Or "sex with you". But it's really hard to make out. 

What's easy to hear is "I lay in bed for 30 minutes and all I think about is you or calling you"
Which is no different if a man or woman says it. It's not what "just friends" say. It's what people say who are more than friends. 

I assume the OW is gone now to Army? You'll most likely see your wife is withdrawn or depressed. 

I'd take the next few days and talk to a few lawyers for a free consultation. Tell him/her about the recording. 

As for confronting...you sit her down and say I know there is something going on with you and OW. I'll give you one chance to come clean. Any lie I stand up and walk away. I KNOW the truth so don't lie. 

If one lie comes out you stand up and grab a piece of luggage and start packing. At least pack for a few days of clothes. Don't say a word and leave. 

Is there some place you can go for a few days?

Also, if you do leave have the VAR going while you are gone. I'd bet my house she calls the OW and says something to the affect that my husband knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

FamilyMan1000 said:


> Any advice on actually confronting her?
> 
> This isn't something that I can just ignore and look the other way about.
> 
> ...


I'm of the camp who believes you can't in any way reveal where your information comes from because it only drives the affair underground.

Her AP going into the army isn't going to help the situation in the long run since I think she'll be longing for her return from basic training. 

Exposure to family and friends is usually the only way to bring a WS out of the fog if at all possible.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

What you can't do right now is hang on to hope that she will snap out of it because the OW is going away.

Instead, you need to truly take care of you:

- Get cold-blooded and determined. Force yourself to do this if you have to

- Get at least one consult with an attorney to see what D would look like for you.

- Make copies of your evidence and store them in a safe place.

- Set a time to confront your WW (yes, clearly, she is cheating).

- When you confront, tell her that you know she is cheating and lying and she must now tell you the truth or you will proceed with the divorce.

- Don't tell her what your proof is. Just tell her that you know.

- When she gives you the beginning of trickle truth or she denies, just say that you know she is lying. Say, 'I know you are lying. Try again.' Don't tell her how you know. You can bluff here. Make it sound like you have absolute, irrefutable proof (actually, you do), but never let her know how much you know.

Then - after you've confronted, try to regroup mentally so that you can be as rational as possible as you decide on your next steps.

Don't jump to reconciliation! Don't cry, beg, or be needy at all. Remember -> cold-blooded, even if it's just a facade. You have to appear strong.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

My ex switched teams also. There is nothing you can do. And honestly, even if she came back and was a decent wife, she is always a threat to switch again. Don't try to reconcile, don't do anything other than see your lawyer. I got out of mine amicably (well, sort of since she made me foreclose and declare bankruptcy), but just move on. You could have tried one last gasp at a threesome, but ymmv.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Before you confront see a lawyer and know your options. You want to be very clear to your wife about her new reality when you start talking about divorce....You gets what and how much.

After the lawyer take the time to expose the affair to the OW parents, your wifes parents and then you can confront your wife....

Soon after you expose, then confront by asking your wife to leave the home.


Inform others and your WW that you will no longer share her with another women or control her. It will be her choice to make who she wants to be with, but the time has come for the disrespect to stop and she has a choice to make.

BTY...never let her see you cry...you need to be calm and confident.

Never beg for this marriage and show her it is up to her to win you back and not the other way around.

Or

Next time she is out with OW just pack her shyt up and change the locks ....then go dark on her sorry butt.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You should also contact a local army recruiter to see if they would like to know what their new recruit is up to. I hope their standards are to high for this one.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Phuck that Chap....let the **** go off to war....

Get the OW as far away from your old lady as possible....I suggest you do nothing when it comes to stopping the OW from going into the Army!

If you want to save this marriage you are going to have to completely let it go.

Trust me just let her go....hell smile and help her pack....show her you are no longer the idiot.....in fact with a big smile let her see how much she is going to lose and in the end who will be the idiot when her girl friend is hundreds of miles sway banging some other chick.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My ex who was bi-sexual sounded me out via a friend to see if I would re-start a relationship with her again?

I gave it serious consideration but, when it came down to it, I just couldn't do it.

I had no trust in her.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

badmemory said:


> Sorry you're here OP,
> 
> Yes, your wife is cheating with a lesbian. You have enough evidence to conclude that. If you want more details, I'm sure you can readily get it from the VAR, her cell, or by having her followed; in pretty short order. Then you confront.
> 
> ...


If you are convinced that she's cheating, file for divorce. You don't need to confront her. She knows what she's done.

If you feel that you need more information, get it and then file for divorce. Once again, you don't need to confront her. She already knows.

People confront because they think that it will lead to a magical transformation and a repentant wife. It well might. But divorce papers are much more magical, more shocking, and leave less room for wiggling out of things.

Your wife would have two choices. Agree to the divorce or attempt somehow to demonstrate to you that she will do anything to reconcile.

Why am I so harsh? Because she knows that she's cut off the sex and unless she's got a medical reason unknown to you, we all know why.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

Sorry you find yourself in this situation brother. It is obvious your wife is having a lesbian affair. From listening to the audio they definitely speak to each other as lovers. That with the fact that your sex life has died, she guards her phone constantly, deletes all evidence from her phone, and has lied about her whereabouts to met the lesbian in a vacant parking lot. This is a full blown PA.

Just because this girl is gone to the army doesn't mean this is going to stop. It is my bet they will carry on their affair threw skype or face time as sexting. You need to get a VAR in your home in her favorite place to be alone to chat, most likely the bedroom. You could even put a very small camera in their to see if they are sexting. The important thing is to get solid evidence she can't wiggle out of and stop this affair ASAP. The longer it goes on and the more involved your WW gets the more chance you will lose your marriage.

You could also do the full frontal attack as some have mentioned and go straight for divorce. That will either jar her back to reality or give her an out to be with her lesbian lover. With this tactic, having very little evidence she could flip the narrative on you and make you out to be the bad guy destroying the marriage because you believe she is having an affair. Either way, you will be moving out of infidelity.

You can do it either way. Both methods will get you to the same place. You have to decide how you want to do it, and how much evidence you feel you need. But you must move swiftly, if it's not already to late. Stay strong brother.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Make sure you have a VAR on you when you confront.......

If she admits you now have legal proof to use. If she attacks you, you have proof for police too.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

FamilyMan1000 said:


> Yes, I've got Bose noise canceling headphones, which I have found to be excellent in most other regards.
> 
> Perhaps it's just me (I'm obviously biased in the situation and may not be thinking the most clearly right now), but right around the 8:00 minute mark, is any one else picking up on kissing taking place?


When the talking dies down for a while, I definitely heard "OOOO"s and "AHHHH"s with some moaning thrown in. At one point there was and "OW" followed immediately by "sorry".

Call it kissing if you like - but who is kissing what body part?

Your wife has "switched teams" and is in a full blown lesbian affair with all the trimmings. Add this to her focus on humiliating you during sex, she has checked out of the marriage.

Take the hint - separate your accounts, cancel all credit cards, take her off your life insurance, file for divorce and find someone who can make you as happy as your wife appears to be with her lover.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

TDSC60 said:


> When the talking dies down for a while, I definitely heard "OOOO"s and "AHHHH"s with some moaning thrown in. At one point there was and "OW" followed immediately by "sorry".
> 
> Call it kissing if you like - but who is kissing what body part?
> 
> ...


Agreed. You need to protect yourself now. Split accounts, keep a VAR at ALL times. Seek a lawyer and get advice. Cancel any and all joint credit cards.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My friend, you've caught her with her pants down! Get to a lawyer's office and accordingly take care of business! You deserve far better!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> Go see an attorney, *don't confront without a solid game plan.*.


Take note of the bolded above. 
Go see a lawyer. 
Plan your confront well. Don't rush it. Check with posters for advice. 
Do NOT tell her how you know. 
Do NOT leave your house. 

Do you have kids OP?


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

I totally agree with the others. Even if you decide to gather more evidence before you confront, you should begin to separate your finances and seek out legal counsel. You need to protect yourself from this point on.

Your WW will begin to change to accommodate her AP. She will adopt her thinking and interests. She will begin to turn against you, rewrite the marital history to support her having an affair. This is most likely why she was so vicious with you the last time you had sex. She is becoming loyal to her lesbian lover, so sex with her husband, a man, must be awful and gross. This happens even when the WW is in an affair with another man. WW will begin to pull away from her husband to favor the AP. This is most likely what is happening with your wife.

This is why you need to hit this affair head on, with force of conviction. The longer it persists, the more loyal your WW will be to her lesbian AP. The fact that they are apart now due to boot camp may buy you some time to collect evidence if that is what you need to do. But once you get where you mentally need to be, you need to confront her and let her know this will not be tolerated. You have no intention of sharing your wife with anyone else, male or female. And lay out the choice of marriage and you, or her lesbian love and divorce.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Chaparral said:


> You should also contact a local army recruiter to see if they would like to know what their new recruit is up to. I hope their standards are to high for this one.


Don't ask - Don't tell.

That is the military way now. At least in the US.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

TDSC60 said:


> Don't ask - Don't tell.
> 
> That is the military way now. At least in the US.


I think that was repealed some years ago.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

FamilyMan1000 said:


> I've been a long-time follower of the forums, and first time poster (unfortunately).
> 
> My wife of 5 years has become good friends within the past 6 months with a lesbian, about 10 years my wife's junior (wife is 35, other woman is 25).
> 
> ...


Sorry dude but she has switched teams.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

TDSC60 said:


> Don't ask - Don't tell.
> 
> That is the military way now. At least in the US.


I ran Army Recruiting Stations for over 11 years.

Personally, I would have empathized with him. But I would not have done squat.

Any threat to my enlistees shipping took priority over who was sleeping with whom. Especially if it was girl/girl, because there is no threat of pregnancy to the enlistee, which will certainly prevent her from shipping.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> I ran Army Recruiting Stations for over 11 years.
> 
> Personally, I would have empathized with him. But I would not have done squat.
> 
> Any threat to my enlistees shipping took priority over who was sleeping with whom. Especially if it was girl/girl, because there is no threat of pregnancy to the enlistee, which will certainly prevent her from shipping.


Isn't this the truth, the quota must be met. Don't bother with the military, they will most likely do nothing. It's mostly circumstantial at this point anyway.

To the OP, you need to look at your relationship, look at where you are, and determine if your marriage is worth saving. A lot depends on your wife, she may or may not want to work on your relationship. If she is not invested, the decision has been made anyway.

Many people advocate for divorce and if you have no children, I think it is a viable option for you. From my experience, once you heal from this, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, so to speak. Whether you are looking or not, you will find someone to be with again. Use the experience to learn for the future.

Other posters are spot on, learn your options for divorce. Get a couple of free consults with lawyers and use the internet to learn about your states divorce statues. Get informed and use that information to guide your decision and plan going forward.

Also take action to protect your valuable assets. Have your direct deposit put into another bank account (at a different bank) and safeguard any important documents and/or heirlooms. If you do not have kids, divorce is really a division of assets anyway. Have a plan for house, car(s), and other material possessions that you can live with and a list of those items you could use to bargain with.

Then sit your wife down and have the "talk". Tell her you know about the affair, but give no details on how you got the information. There will either be a lot of anger or a lot of crying, or perhaps both. Be prepared for everything and maintain a solid stance that you find her actions unacceptable and there has to be a change. She is either on the bus or not.

As I mentioned, there are other women out there. Why potentially stay with someone you may be constantly second guessing their actions? But the ultimate decision rests with you, figure out what you want and work towards an acceptable solution.

Best of luck


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

rzmpf said:


> I think that was repealed some years ago.


My son is in the military. He says it is still the "unwritten" policy.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She was LD now she's cut you off and has a girl friend. Move on and find a normal woman.
I doubt this is her first lesbian experience.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your old lady has neen disrespecting you and thinks she is getting away with it.

If I was you I would nuke her @ss by exposing her and having her served all with minutes pf each other.

I say forget the confrontation.... make a plan, work the the plan and get several step ahead of her.....she won't see it coming and won't know what hit her.

Time to get afew steps in ftont of her and show her who the real idiot is!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you really want to make a point wait for girl frien to ship out...and on the same day...expose the affair,have her served, and pack her shyt up and leave it at her folks house.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> She was LD now she's cut you off and has a girl friend. Move on and find a normal woman.
> I doubt this is her first lesbian experience.


You may well be right, but don't do that TAM thing where we expand the problem. The current situation is bad enough. There's no evidence that she'd had lesbian relationships before.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

In some way I know how you feel right now. My ex-fiance was in Lesbian Affair. She said she was always like that and she never wanted to hurt me.

I saw and heard things they talked about and things they do. They never said a bad thing about me and she wanted me to "move on". 
She promised me she will never do that again. She said I could check on her any time I want,I can even find a job for her but most important thing she would never know how they hurt me. I never wanted to live like that and I especially never wanted people like them in my life.

In your case it is even worse. She is having an Affair and plus she is disrespecting you and bad talking about you. She is in some way making laugh at you and I am not speaking only about sex. All little talks and puting you down in front of others and then cheating on you and not having sex with you. Not going to work.

Good thing you dont have a children together. 

Talk with your lawyer and Divorce her. This will continue no matter what she says about it and OW joining the Army.

Stay strong.


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