# Is my ex in a rebound relationship again? After she left me again?



## Ltdan459 (May 10, 2018)

So I have this ex who I was with for 8 years and have 3 kids together. 

About a little over 2 years ago she ends the relation ship and right away I mean less then a week gets in to a relationship with this guy and she already had feeling for him. Yea they new eachother from a class they had together and I have a feeling that she cheated on me with him. 

This guy thoe saw and easy target just to get in her pants. She always talked about the issues she had with me he always said the right things to her to get her back when she would pull away. Anyway that relationship lasted a little over 2 years but they broke up 10 times and there were a lot of issues and fights between them and he always cheated on her with other women and even his ex wife yea my ex also I guess you can say cheated on him with me we did everything but any asexual stuff.

He then left my ex for his ex wife karma you can say. Anyway after he left her she was lonely and hit me up. Right away we started a parents with benifet relationship that turned well to me a more then just sex buddy's I mean we went on a lot of romantic dates and more kissing and hugging and cuddleling and doing things with the kids a lot together. That lasted 10 months yea we had times when she did not want to deal with me but when I did no contact she came back. 

So now she is in a new relationship with some guy at her Job I just got her at the beginning of this month of May. This guy is already saying he loves her and he is liking all her Instagram photos even old ones and making comments she also made comments on his stuff like looking good babe. 

So my question is she in a rebound relationship again? I mean these two only knew eachother for 2 weeks and Im thinking they work in different areas of her Job. Also she has our kids 50% of the time like how do you the guy tell her in a message that you Love her if you hardly know her? Unless he is like the last guy and just sees and easy target to get in her pants. He is also a body builder loves to work out a lot so how would he have time for her when she has to take care of the kids. Like I hear that single guys with no kids don't usual go with single mothers mabye if the have 1 or 2 kids but she has 3 and they are 7 4 and 3. 

Is she using him as a rebound? I noticed she could never be alone just look when she went back with me after the last guy left her she knew I was always there.

Or was I the rebound after the rebound? 

Or is she just a ****?

Now my concern is that she will bring him around our kids way to fast. That last guy remember I said when she would pull away he dose and said all the right things to get that as back he pressured her to being around our kids and she told me once she wasn't ready but she did anyway .

I'm now worried about my kids. She dose not know this guy no way you can find out about someone in 2 weeks yiu dont know who he is what he is. Like she found out from me that the last guy she was with had a daughter he never told her about with his ex wife. 

Anyway what are your thoughts or input?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Easy Answer: She is your ex, so what she does shouldn't be your concern. If you think he is a drug dealer or pedophile, sure. But that isn't what is going on here. The concern for the kids is a deflection from the truth that you are just in her business.

I.E. It no longer matters


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You are plan B,the consolation prize.Stop talking to her about anything other than your children.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Or just treat her as a ****buddy and date other women until you find someone to get serious with. Your ex just wants you as another member of her harem. If you have no problem dipping your **** in a communal well, then go for it, otherwise stop talking to her.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ltdan459 said:


> So I have this ex who I was with for 8 years and have 3 kids together.
> 
> About a little over 2 years ago she ends the relation ship and right away I mean less then a week gets in to a relationship with this guy and she already had feeling for him. Yea they new eachother from a class they had together and I have a feeling that she cheated on me with him.
> 
> ...


I get the kids thing, that is not healthy. I hope that is the only reason you care, your ex is a bad choice to do anything else with then date.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You will obviously never know why she does what she does. And you have zero control over her. 

Let it go.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

The only value a woman has that has a history of cheating on you is as a cumcatcher, if and when it fits into your schedule. As long as she isn't doing anything to endanger your kids, just don't worry about her or what she's doing. I can tell you aren't over her yet, so it would be healthiest to cut all contact with her other than the minimum needed for taking care of your kids.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Ltdan459 She is what she is.

A flighty, clueless cheater.

You need to seek legal advice as to what steps you can take to protect your children.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

LtDan, consider merging your threads.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You need to get yourself mentally to the point where what she does and who she does it with doesn't matter to you.

You've got a ways to go get but you can force yourself to focus on things other than her when you find yourself going there.

Don't fool yourself into thinking you're doing it for the "good of the children" because it does not appear from anything you wrote that they are in any danger. If they were that's another story. As far as her bad relationships affecting them.. such is the legacy of divorce and the loss of control a parent has over what the other one does in regard to the kids. Be a great dad. It will help counter the damage they may incur at the hands of their irresponsible mother.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your ex rents far too much space in your head. 

Focus solely on your children. Protect them.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> Your ex rents far too much space in your head.
> 
> Focus solely on your children. Protect them.


Yes she does, focus soley on the kids? No they're only part of the equation that is his life at this time, and no, when it comes to his ex, he is severely limited to what he can do while they are with their mother which is probably most of the time.

It's a rather helpless feeling to say the least.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

We are all in rebound, my friend. Even if you were divorced ten years ago and saw nobody since then...when you're with the next person, there's no way your brain isn't comparing the new one to the old one.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

DustyDog said:


> We are all in rebound, my friend. Even if you were divorced ten years ago and saw nobody since then...when you're with the next person, there's no way your brain isn't comparing the new one to the old one.


Comparing the qualities of current vs past relationships is not a rebound. It's simply comparing new relationships to old. Pros, cons, similarities, differences. Ways that it's better, ways that it might be missing some of the things you had in a previous union. 

So what. 

It doesn't mean a thing. 

It's certainly has nothing to do with a rebound.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Trident said:


> ... when it comes to his ex, he is severely limited to what he can do while they are with their mother which is probably most of the time.


And you know this as fact, HOW??? 

@Ltdan459, how often do you have your children? Since your ex seems to be so busy with her "extracurricular activities" I'd venture to guess she would let you have the kids more often.

It would behoove you to do whatever you need to in order to have your children as often as possible.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Trident said:


> Comparing the qualities of current vs past relationships is not a rebound. It's simply comparing new relationships to old. Pros, cons, similarities, differences. Ways that it's better, ways that it might be missing some of the things you had in a previous union.
> 
> So what.
> 
> ...


Uh, excuse me, but another poster gave HIS opinion. Don't like it? Fine. That "ignore" feature is your friend. Consider using it.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> Uh, excuse me, but another poster gave HIS opinion. Don't like it? Fine. That "ignore" feature is your friend. Consider using it.


I have no issues with other people having opinions that differ from my own.


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## Ltdan459 (May 10, 2018)

Some one asked how often I have our children. We have joint cousdoty and alternate weekends. 

Some tell me to move on and I did when we separated 2 and a half years ago. It was hard not easy geting over an 8 year relationship to a woman you had kids with. I was depressed sad but I got over it in 5 months spent all my time with my kids. But when we when we started this new benifets relationship I got sucked back in she gave me mixed signals meaning it was just more the sex he'll even having me stay for weeks at her place while her Sister was out of town. She made me think we would get back together. Now I'm at square 1. 

I noticed something too well alawys noticed when she left me for that guy years ago she could care less about the kids. I had them more often even on her days she was so focused on that guy she put our kids last. Now I'm seeing she is doing the same. It acutely makes it a little easier to move on from her now just seeing how our kids like being with me more heck I have had the kids for motherdays this year and last year she didn't want to deal with them then or now. This year when I had them for mothers day I asked my ex if she wanted to spend time with them she said she was busy when I gave the phone to the kids to talk to her my youngest daughter wanted to talk to her but my ex was just not paying attention to busy watching some movie on the TV. My daughter kept trying to tell my ex that for her to turn off the TV so she could hear her but my ex ignored that. When I saw my daughter get sad I said let daddy have the phone. My daughter gave me the phone with out saying good bye to her mom. She was so sad. I ended up taking the kids out to a nice place to have fun to keep them happy. Heck this week I had them on her days again and at night I always hug my kids when we sleep and my oldest daughter said mommy dosnt like to hug us she pushes us away. That and my kids always wanting to stay with me instead of there mom makes me think my kids need my attention witch I give them all the time. I don't know it's just yea it's in the past but miss when we were a family. 

Something I also noticed my ex grew up with out a dad and an abusive mother and now seeing my ex be more and more like her mother anyway just wanted to say that. I know I'm going to do the best to be a great father I don't want my girls or son to grow up like their mom. At lest tonight I'll get to hug them and have a fun week and weekend with them. 

I need to be honest when the kids are not with me I get lonely now I havnt dated since I met my ex also I kids don't want to I'm not ready yet but again mabye I'm just feeling this way because I'm lonely and yea it's hard to for get my ex too.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Trident said:


> I have no issues with other people having opinions that differ from my own.


Sure, right. Go back and reread your response to Dusty Dog. Again, that ignore button is YOUR FRIEND. Seriously.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Ltdan459 said:


> But when we when we started this new benifets relationship I got sucked back in she gave me mixed signals meaning it was just more the sex he'll even having me stay for weeks at her place while her Sister was out of town. She made me think we would get back together.
> 
> Something I also noticed my ex grew up with out a dad and an abusive mother and now seeing my ex be more and more like her mother anyway just wanted to say that.
> 
> I need to be honest when the kids are not with me I get lonely now I havnt dated since I met my ex also I kids don't want to I'm not ready yet but again mabye I'm just feeling this way because I'm lonely and yea it's hard to for get my ex too.


You sound like a good dad who wants the best for his kids. Granted, when people get lonely they can start to see their exes in a more favorable light. The thing is, your ex sounds like a skank. Sorry, but that's the picture you are painting. 

And who gives a crap what type of lousy upbringing she had? She has issues. But they're her issues to deal with, not yours. Sounds to me like you were willing to be her doormat/Plan B for too long. Keep putting your kids first, kick your ex to the curb emotionally and literally, and be the best father you can be.

Lots of the men on TAM talk about the Nice Guy Syndrome (forgive me if I titled that incorrectly ...). It's something you may want to investigate.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Get a divorce and end this nightmare.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> Sure, right. Go back and reread your response to Dusty Dog. Again, that ignore button is YOUR FRIEND. Seriously.


My response to Dusty Dog was simply offering a counter opinion. I believe he was factually incorrect in his definition of a rebound relationship which as far as I'm concerned has nothing to do with comparing a new relationship to a previous one. Again, so what that I disagree with him, I have no intention of ignoring him, you or anyone who I disagree with or who disagrees with me. If anything you might want to use that ignore button so you don't see my posts which appear to trouble you so much.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Trident said:


> Comparing the qualities of current vs past relationships is not a rebound. It's simply comparing new relationships to old. Pros, cons, similarities, differences. Ways that it's better, ways that it might be missing some of the things you had in a previous union.
> 
> So what.
> 
> ...


Actually, in clinical counseling circles, what you just described is exactly a rebound.

A rebound is not a bad thing. It is, however, a thing, and it is easier to manage life if you are well-connected to things that actually happen. And rebound is one of them.

If what you mean to say is that a person gets into a relationship before they have properly processed the last one (sometimes known as "stowing the baggage we all have"), then you're more in the realm of co-dependent behavior, not rebounding.


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