# cheating wife



## mintuphy (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them. 
My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious. 
Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

mintuphy said:


> Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
> What should I do?


Ok lets be clear. She has constantly cheated on you, took vows and signed a legal document (marridge licence has spoken of you and her intermate times with people who were seeking sexual gratification from hearing it and potentially having some time to do it with your W an we.. and you state …both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
Im not being rude here and please dont feel that. But I would feel a massive stigma if MY W went around telling people intermate details of our marridge when those people have no right to it know that is a stigma. 
She has cheated, denied, lied, betrayed and broken her vows. Not once but on multipe occasions and even when you initially confront her she, you say seeks revenge by looking for sex outside your marridge. If this is the case look back at how often youve argued in the time youve been together and consider a ravenge attack after each event. 
You really now need to consider IF you can actually trust her anymore. After an open descussion about staying together where it can become heated is she going to look across the net or her phone book for some guy to have a revenge attack with?
This is a new marridge 6 months old and this should be still in the honeymoon period. Yes you two could get some much needed suppport but when shes off with friends one night on a girls only party will you be happy that nothing will happen not even the heavy flirting or will you sit there wondering if tonight is the night she starts it all again. That will have a stigma to it. You need to feel confident that she is really into this marridge and not just living with you or she will look elsewhere and, it does happen to us all, when the time comes that a bumpy road is encountered in the marridge journey will she see someone else and start a cycle again but this time its further down the libne , children come into the equasion etc.
Some careful consideration of future trust is needed before you consider anything else as it appears from you post she has issues


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

mintuphy said:


> Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. M*y wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. *She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
> My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
> Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible *that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight)*.she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but *she married to me because of my status and qualification*. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that I*f I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life*. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of *her flirting and fraud nature* I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
> Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
> What should I do?


You said it yourself. It's in her nature to cheat, lie, manipulate and do things out of spite [as a revenge]. 
I don't know how old you guys are but she's very immature and I don't think she'll ever change.

She never loved you. She married you for security and comfortableness. 
She's also afraid to remain alone if you divorce her.

This marriage is all fake and there's no love from her part. 
In none of her words/actions she showed she loved you. Her actions only show how she's been using you all this time. 

When you run out of your usefulness, she'll abandon you and not care one bit. 

Sorry to be so blunt.

She cheated on you 6months into the marriage. 
What will happen after 3 - 5- 10 years?


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Dude 6 months in and no kids yet. Just thank your stars that you won't be milked dry by the courts. Get your ass out of there asap. I'm talking double time fire in the hole fast.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What country do you live in?


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

6 months? No kids?

Your marriage was also formed on a lie. 

Annul the marriage. 

You do not want to be married to someone who could lie and cheat so easily and for so long. 

She will definitely do this again. She just gave you a sneak preview of married life further down the road. 

Right now you can get out with very little cost to yourself.

No kids, no alimony. 

5 years and 2 kids later though you'd be lucky to be living off of half your income. 

Maybe you don't want to kick her to the curb just yet, but still annul the marriage. You can date her for some time, and maybe she will prove herself after some years but to stay married to her could be the biggest mistake of your life.


----------



## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification.


This is all you need to know about her right here. She only married you out of status and qualification, not out of love or respect. She is sorry because she got caught. (actually she is sorry because you finally decided to take action for her cheating when you knew earlier something wasn't right.) 

You love a woman who only wants to use you. Your the security blanket and the other men are her lovers. Dont worry about the social stigma because of her cheating. It not your fault and the "stigma" will only fall on her. 

She only wants to reconcile because of what you have. You can't love somebody who doesn't love you and expect a happy marriage. She is using you. There are plenty of other women out there that can treat you better. Get the marriage annulled and move on. Also don't let her use sex to persuade you to stay in a false marriage. Your "wife" is not trustworthy and will continue to cheat like she has BEFORE and AFTER the marriage.


----------



## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

mintuphy said:


> Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
> My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
> Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
> Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
> What should I do?


This is a marriage built on a lie and it will never work. Cut your losses and get out ASAP.


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

mintuphy,

You married a gold-digging 'ho'. 

At least you discovered it early in your marriage. 

Get out now before you invest anymore into her. Social stigma be damned. 

Better to be single and successful than married to a self-centered, gold-digging cheater who only cares about what you are going to provide for her.

You don't love her....you love the image of her that you created in your mind. That's not the *real* her. The *real* her is the one you heard talking on the phone...the one who cheats...the one you could never trust.

Be strong. Be sensible.


----------



## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Just goes to show. 

You give a woman everything she wants, she will hate you for it. 

You're a beta, dude. Get out of there. Get mad, get cold, and surprise her with papers.

Let me tell you- the only person who will experience social stigma is her. *Unless* you let her continue to walk all over her. Dump her worthless @ss and cleanse your life of this parasite. 

When my wife cheated on me I thought my professional life was over. I'm a preacher and a marriage counselor. As it turns out moving on, divorcing her and showing how strong and independent I am actually improved my public image. 

You are not trapped. You do not have an obligation to remain with this liar. Free yourself from the shackles and I promise you new life and happiness await.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

chapparal said:


> What country do you live in?




Does it matter? Any place on earth the replay will be the same Throw her Out and get the D as soon as possible.

Married for six months only, she was cheating during their engagement, she continued it after the marriage also, with many men.
She also confessed that she married him only for money and status. That means she believed OP can be made a good cuckold husband and she can have the excitement and fun with her lovers and she was successful in her plan for six months.

But when OP is going to see who really his wife is?


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

mintuphy said:


> _Sometimes _I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
> What should I do?


Sometimes? You should have left a looooooong time ago.

She is just using you, unless you want an open relationship you need to get out ASAP. Holy [email protected], why on Earth would you want to stay?

What's the "social stigma" of being married to someone that screws about every guy she runs across?


----------



## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

mintuphy said:


> Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
> My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
> Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
> Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
> *What should I do?*


Dear mintuphy,

Here's a suggestion.

Tell your WW that you forgive her for everything she's done and, not only that, but for anything she does in the future. Tell her that you apologize for discovering her adulterous behavior and that, in the future, you will not spy on her in any way and, if by accident you discover more unfaithfulness on her part, you will never mention it in order to spare her any embarrassment. Tell her that, from now on, she is free to do what ever she likes and you will willingly suffer any pain and humiliation she inflicts on you, even if that means she has sex with other men. Tell her that you are doing this because you have no self-respect, are afraid to face reality and do not have the strength leave her and find a woman who really loves you.

Now, you can tell her this in one of two ways. First, you can say to her what is written above. Or you can simply stay married to her and she will get the same message.

If you do this, I can guarantee you two things: (1) you will never have to make a hard decision and (2) you will live a miserable and probably very short life.

Here's another suggestion. Stop asking silly questions. You are married to an evil woman who has no respect for you and treats you like sh*t. Get her out of your life as quickly as possible and look for a woman who truly love you and treats you with the respect you deserve. If you do this, you will eventually find someone worthy of you and will have a long and happy life.

The choice is yours.


----------



## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Will the social stigma be better 6 years from now when you have 2 kids and everyone in your neighborhood knows that she is cheating behind your back and you see neighbors whispering to each other whenever you go by?


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

mintuphy said:


> She started blaming that I am being suspicious.










That's a good one. 

Did she explain why she thought your suspicions were misplaced?

min, if I were you I would thank God that her whoring ways were made known to you so early in your marriage, when children weren't involved.

I'm sure you're a very nice person who will find another woman who actually understands the concept of faithfulness. 

Dump her without a backward glance. I'm sorry. 

Good luck.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kasler said:


> 6 months? No kids?
> 
> Your marriage was also formed on a lie.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I agree with everyone above. You fell in love with a hologram. She's not who you think she was when you married. What a lying scheming cheating woman! If you believe her tears for one second you are a fool. It is disgusting that she cheated on you before and after the marriage. There is nothing about her that can sugarcoat the fact that she is bad news. Run for your life!


----------



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

One affair can be forgivable. Any more, then cheating's in her DNA. She's never going to change.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It is highly likely that she loved you. Really, seriously loved you but really is not able to remain 100% faithful to one person at this point in her life.

She should have told you about this, but it is possible she cannot see a problem with her behaviour. All the more reason to let her go. Gently, firmly and kindly, but let her go.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Kasler said:


> 6 months? No kids?
> 
> Your marriage was also formed on a lie.
> 
> ...


What else can be added?


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Contact an attorney about an annulment. Get checked for STD's. She is playing you for a total fool. You made a huge mistake. You have no idea who she is. She totally disrespect you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Well mintuphy, it seems pretty cut and dried going on the response posts. Best advice appear to be 
- seek legal advice
- dont tell her your doing it
- Consider divorce seriously............
- Pain will soon subside as you realise what youve been taken for
- meet real, honest ladies and enjoy life
- let someone else look after your unfaithful wife and then let her cheat on them as well.

Sounds easy and we all know its certainly NOt. But going on like this is like sliding down a razor blade using your b*lls as breaks

Oh consider an STI check asap. - lets not take the risk that youll carry a reminder of your unfaithfull partners actions


----------



## mintuphy (Jan 10, 2013)

I am from India....here divorce laws are very strict and favouring women......in society it becomes almost impossible to remarry for girl...not that difficult for men
When I told the cheating thing to my mother....then also my W has objection.....she is feeling guilty not for she was doing but for getting caught...Now...She has been very nice and lovely...and very happy as she is thinking I have not abandoned her....I also want to forget everything but she is a habitual cheater.now she is happy with me but in future.................


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

mintuphy said:


> I am from India....here divorce laws are very strict and favouring women......in society it becomes almost impossible to remarry for girl...not that difficult for men
> When I told the cheating thing to my mother....then also my W has objection.....she is feeling guilty not for she was doing but for getting caught...Now...She has been very nice and lovely...and very happy as she is thinking I have not abandoned her....I also want to forget everything but she is a habitual cheater.now she is happy with me but in future.................


Women's default reasoning strategy is not logic, it's emotion. It's what makes them such good nurterers. This is why men and women have such a difficult time understanding how the other gender reacts to situations like this. She is happy now because she feels that you have saved her from certain disgrace. However, feelings don't have a memory so when she is feeling something else she won't even think of today. Women tend to act based on their feelings in the moment. That is why it is so easy for them to rewrite marital history. They don't feel love for you now so in their minds they never felt love for you.

In a long term relationship the feelings of love are fluid. They do not flow constant. Most women are able to ride out the low points because they still feel the bond of the relationship. Your wife doesn't sound like she feels this bond very much or at all. If you stay with her given her proclivity to cheat you will have to constantly make her fall in love with you again and again and again. Because each time she falls out of love with you she will believe that she never loved you and be drawn to another man. The questions you must ask yourself are do you want to live that way and can you continually make her fall in love with you day after day, week after week, year after year.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Hmmm....This one is going to require a lot of thought

Oh no wait. It doesn't

D I V O R C E


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Great post bfree, im gonna copy that one before it disappears 

Mintuhpy,
The past is the future for you.
Do you want to give her a big wedding everytime she cheats to make her feel loved again?

Can you be proud of a woman like that and walk with your hands behind your back in public with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

mintuphy said:


> I am from India....here divorce laws are very strict and favouring women......in society it becomes almost impossible to remarry for girl...not that difficult for men
> When I told the cheating thing to my mother....then also my W has objection.....she is feeling guilty not for she was doing but for getting caught...Now...She has been very nice and lovely...and very happy as she is thinking I have not abandoned her....I also want to forget everything but she is a habitual cheater.now she is happy with me but in future.................


You married the most poisonous serpent alive in India.
I suggest you turn a mongoose lose on her and try to do better with your next selection.:scratchhead:


----------



## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

mintuphy said:


> I am from India....here divorce laws are very strict and favouring women......in society it becomes almost impossible to remarry for girl...not that difficult for men
> When I told the cheating thing to my mother....then also my W has objection.....she is feeling guilty not for she was doing but for getting caught...Now...She has been very nice and lovely...and very happy as she is thinking I have not abandoned her....I also want to forget everything but she is a habitual cheater.now she is happy with me but in future.................


Annul your marriage. She DESERVES to be alone. Why should you waste your life with a serial cheater? WHY should she be shielded and protected from enduring any consequences for her actions? 

She made her bed, she can lie in it.

Leave her, and marry a decent woman. DO NOT stay with this broken human, she will just cheat again. Leopards do not change their spots.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Let me guess it was an arranged marriage where your wife's parents picked you?

Your wife does not love you, no does she respect you.

She does love your money and she does fear being divorced.


----------



## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Sorry man but no, you don't love her. I bet the woman you love and also agreed to marry is, among other things, faithful and honest. Well, she never existed. You were tricked and deceived by a manipulative, self-centered b!tch that masked herself as the woman you wanted. Your whole marriage and relationship with her is a lie.

She is playing nice now because she doesn't want to be exposed as a cheating $lut she really is. You said it yourself about the stigma attached to divorce. She is just doing damage controlled and hoping you suck it up.

Can you see that divorce in your case should be a no-brainer? You are still young and without children. Imagine this thing happening 20 years into marriage. You didn't just dodge a bullet. You dodged a cannon ball.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

