# Ladies, do you ever approach men?



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hiiiiiiii!

I am a young man who got divorced last year. The first few months after DD were very difficult, but after a lot of meditation, self-help, therapy, etc..., I am feeling better and stronger then ever. I have learned a lot and I am thankful for everything. 

I started dating again several months ago. I'm not one of those guys who asks for girls numbers based on looks. I tried in the past and that never got me anywhere except sex (and I am not interested in that or an fwb at this point in my life). For me it's always been about the flow of conversation, the genuine smile and if there was an actual emotional connection. 

One of my really good friends the other day told me something. She said that if a girl really likes you she will come up to you. Never in my life has this happened though, so I was wondering if someone could back it up, or have a discussion on it.

I take care of myself, exercise, have a great career, sense of humor (and all that jazz) and I've been told by many women I look sexy...but as far as I can tell, I feel as if it's my height (5'5ft) that is solely responsible. It's been the #1 factor in all my rejections (women have outright told me this). 

Please and thanks!


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Yes. They come right up and start chatting you up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes I've approached lots of men over the years.

You should learn to dance...ballroom, salsa, swing....there are more women than men in dancing and women will fight over you if you get really good!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

My single friends over 40 tell me it is very common for them. However, I wonder is younger women do so.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My friends and I always approached guys when young, when in the middle, and when old...it doesn't really matter. But I think only some women do this, probably not most. 

Many times I would approach a guy for a friend and lead the conversation (or the guy) back to her.

I never asked friends to do this for me though, I just went for it.

Just for the record, I've been rejected a lot, also. Just approaching a guy doesn't mean he's going to be all gaga for you. In fact, sometimes approaching them makes them suspicious of you and you are auto-rejected for being too ballsy.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I have never approached or made first contact with a man, not in my younger years or as a divorced woman in my early 40's. Never sent a flirt to a man while I was OLD.

Funny thing is I would be confident enough to but I have never done it. Nothing to do with anything except I prefer to be the approached, not the one approaching, that plus I have never had to do it in order to get a date.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes I've approached lots of men over the years.
> 
> You should learn to dance...ballroom, salsa, swing....there are more women than men in dancing and women will fight over you if you get really good!


This is great advice OP! Plus, it will build your confidence and put you "on display" so to speak.

Yes, interested women will approach you. Your height is a factor but you can certainly overcome it to become more visible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyWife (Aug 6, 2014)

I've always approached guys. Never had a problem with it. It's just who I am though, because I talk to everyone! It was just to get conversations started though, beyond that I waited for the guy to take the lead and ask me out.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Women do like men who can dance (well.... *grin* ). I can speak to that.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Thanks everyone. I feel a lot better already. 

Learning to dance is a great idea. Presently I cannot. Lol.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No one knows how to dance lead-follow style without lessons. It doesn't come naturally. It is like a sport. If you take it seriously and are dedicated to it, you can become a proficient dancer in about a year. This is why there are so many fewer men in dancing...it is harder to lead than follow so lots of guys drop out before becoming proficient, while women can get good at following much faster. If you show that fortitude and stick it out and get good, you've got a guaranteed full dance card anywhere you go.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I have never done it in person, but then, I don't get out much!  I've done it online one time that I can recall and I ended up dating that man for 7 months. 

I don't have a problem with other women doing it; I'm just a bit shy and introverted.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

My problem is that I am a metalhead. I typically can't stand hiphop, but it's worth getting at good at I think instead of just awkwardly standing when I go out. 

I just signed up for some salsa lessons.

I don't want to just be good, I want to be great!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I've only asked one woman out in my entire life...my ex wife. She turned out to be NPD, so I'm not very good at it 

That said, since I started dating at around 14, I think the longest I have gone without at least a date, not necessarily a relationship, but at least a date is about a week. The woman has always approached me, including my now wife, and at 38 years old, I was the first man she had ever approached in her life.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> I just signed up for some salsa lessons.
> 
> I don't want to just be good, I want to be great!


If you get great at salsa, I guarantee you a line of hotties waiting to dance with you.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

I want to believe that FaithfulWife, but at this point in my life I can't. 

My ex-wife really crushed my self-worth when she left last year. She went out of her way to write my a 12 page letter explaining every single thing she disliked about me. When I showed this to my friends they called it all bull****, but still, those words linger in my head.

Sometimes I think I am unapproachable or really just out of luck.

I trust the universe and what it will bring, but yeah. After hanging out with some other guys and seeing the way girls look at them, I just doubt i'll ever get that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

C'mon man, summon your wizard powers and get your game back on! :smthumbup:

How long ago was the D? If less than a year, then you are still grieving and you need to give yourself more time.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

pragmaster said:


> I want to believe that FaithfulWife, but at this point in my life I can't.
> 
> My ex-wife really crushed my self-worth when she left last year. She went out of her way to write my a 12 page letter explaining every single thing she disliked about me. When I showed this to my friends they called it all bull****, but still, those words linger in my head.
> 
> ...



While what she wrote may have a few truths, the rest of it was probably a projection.of her own shortcommings as a human being.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Chin up OP. Both figuratively and practically. Get in killer shape as well as learning to dance. Get some stylish clothes and stay balanced by reading some deep literature.

Work what you got and you will catch some attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I posted a thread here at some point in the last few years asking if women who were interested would approach men. Being a single guy, I believe I was wondering why i hadn't gotten a few nibbles and at the time, it seemed that the opinion was that I had lost my mind thinking women would approach. It seems opinions have changed.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> If you get great at salsa, I guarantee you a line of hotties waiting to dance with you.


I agree. I know a single dad who is a GREAT guy, and he's into dancing....he's one of few men his age (early 40's) where he does this and, as you can imagine, is quite popular . (He's also humble, a great guy, not a player....). My point is, it could be a really great way to meet women...even if they're not there dancing, they could have friends they want to fix this great guy up with . 

Side note: Did you decide if you want to move to another part of the country or the U.S.? Wasn't it you who was trying to decide that?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We have a few height threads ATM, getting mixed up with who is who.

Anyway OP, shorter men can be sexy as hell, oh yes. For me personally shorter men that are fit looking ie not overweight can be all kinds of yum.
A few months ago I saw a guy in the supermarket, he had sexy written all over him, his image is burned into my memory. 

Pick up your attitude, do whatever it takes but just get out there and go for it. Dancing, yes great idea, have fun


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

southbound said:


> I posted a thread here at some point in the last few years asking if women who were interested would approach men. Being a single guy, I believe I was wondering why i hadn't gotten a few nibbles and at the time, it seemed that the opinion was that I had lost my mind thinking women would approach. It seems opinions have changed.


Actually I'm pretty sure I responded on that thread and said yes, I have approached lots of guys.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I never approached a guy back in the day and if I found myself single today I'm fairly certain I would never approach a man now. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd have a panic attack if I was forced to approach a man.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think some people, both men and women are just more bold in these matters. Or perhaps we are just more willing to face rejection. Or maybe we just have a natural drive that works with other people who are the recipient of that drive. 

I am actually introverted, I don't even like to make eye contact with strangers. But when I have been dating or in the market, I had no problem approaching guys and I can be totally extroverted. I didn't ever think of getting shot down, because just approaching him meant nothing...several more steps would occur before I decide if I want to keep talking to him. I was usually a good judge of a person before I approached them to talk and we'd chat a bit and then maybe exchange numbers, although not usually. Usually I didn't pursue it past the chat if they didn't.

I have always been boy crazy and chased boys. I've had to temper myself not to do that anymore as I matured. I can still barely keep myself from jumping on my husband's lap at any given moment. I'm just a big lover like that. Mercifully, he indulges my constant climbing on him because he's incredibly affectionate as well.

Some men will approach but many will not. I'm not sure that approaching is right for anyone if they don't just feel it come naturally. Like Anon saying it would make her panic, well that's not something she should ever do then. It means that's not her role.

I think for people who wish to be approached, you should keep your eye out for people who may be checking you out. I don't mean to scope everyone out closely, but just try to be aware of anyone who has glanced at you a few times. And then at least try to make yourself open to being approach from them, if you really are open to it. Like turn toward them but look past them, and see if they make eye contact. 

Introverts and extroverts - help each other out.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I never approached men. I just preferred for them to approach me when I was single.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Interesting perspectives here!

I used to approach all the time before I got married... it did go against my nature a bit, because I am more introverted, but this was when I was in college, and I almost always knew the guys as at least peripheral acquaintances, which made it easier.

Since the divorce, and re-entering the dating world, I have been told over and over by lots of people that if a guy is interested, HE will approach and HE will make a move, so I have made a policy of NOT doing the approach. (But this also has a lot with what I'm looking for personally. My XH was incredibly passive-aggressive, and I want a man who can be assertive in a healthy way... expecting them to make the approach is my way of testing that.)

I know that I could approach, and I would probably see a lot more action that way... but I'm skeptical that I would get what I really want and need that way.

ETA: And besides, it feels really good to have a guy come up and make the approach. It feels good to be pursued. I'd much rather be pursued than be the pursuer, and I never realized that until after my divorce.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Interesting FW as I am an extrovert but have never approached a man. I am also quite arrogant at times if that makes a difference, sort of like a "if they want me, they can come and get me" attitude. BUT I am not an arrogant person generally, in fact very giving, loving and will do everything in my power to make my loved ones feel loved. I love my man with a passion, with him I do approach, all the time because his sexy arse drives me crazy. Maybe I need to be in love before I choose to use my energy to approach.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Back when I thought that I was thouroughly modern liberated woman, I used to approach guys and asked them out...... and got nowhere for it.

At some point, I realised that all my long term relationships (but one, the one in high school) got started because the guy approached me first. Two of them had very elaborate plans to get my attention, one was my first husband.

the other thing that I find interesting is that one way to insult a woman is to accuse her of chasing him. While I met my second husband at a meetup activity - I had gone to the bathroom and when I came back he was already talking to the friend who came with me to the activity, I later found out that on a day when he was heavily texting his just a friend ex, he not so jokingly claimed that when we first met, I was really coming on to him, he couldn't get rid of me.

Funny, because as that conversation was occurring, my thought was, maybe he has some other options. I was kind of right about that, since he was _thinking _that he had some other options. Well, 5 years on, we have cleared that one up.

But these experiences do lead me to advise other women to not approach men. I have read elsewhere that most men prefer to do the approaching, but they do like to see a sign that the woman will welcome it.

Myadvice then is to engage in activities where you have a good chance of seeing the same people at the activities. Because you are doing something together, it does require you to speak to others anyway.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think women who want to approach men should do so. I think part of the reason it doesn't always seem to work well is simply because some men aren't used to it and don't know how to react. But at the same time, lots of men want us to approach because they resent that we expect them to "do all of the work". Also, I think women should take that risk if they want to...because if they have the inclination to do it, then it is within them somewhere. For others, if it is not within you, man or woman, don't do it.

This was a great article:

Why Women Don't Approach

I think if women are encouraged to do more approaching and men are encouraged to be approachable, then less of the "work" and risk of rejection will fall on the man.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I think women who want to approach men should do so. I think part of the reason it doesn't always seem to work well is simply because some men aren't used to it and don't know how to react. But at the same time, lots of men want us to approach because they resent that we expect them to "do all of the work". Also, I think women should take that risk if they want to...because if they have the inclination to do it, then it is within them somewhere. For others, if it is not within you, man or woman, don't do it.
> 
> This was a great article:
> 
> ...


I think the risk of rejection is, at least in part, a huge reason why women in general are less likely to approach. I think that could tie into the social stereotype of the woman being the sexual gatekeeper, and perceived sexual power women have over men. If a woman is rejected by a man, she seemingly has lost her sexual power and control. Men, on the other hand, have been conditioned to not just accept rejection, but to expect it.

I'm not suggesting that these perceptions actually play out in practice, and in my experience, they aren't accurate, but many people, men and women will not act on a feeling or urge, simply because they have been conditioned not to.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes, I hope everyone will just get better about accepting rejection. I have faced plenty of it. I think men who think being rejected is the most painful part of life need to grow up a little bit...especially the ones who think that women NEVER feel rejection and that women hold all the power. Everyone experiences rejection. It is part of life. I don't know why it has to be the most painful part of life though. 

If you are into someone who isn't into you, it doesn't mean anything. If I'm not into someone, it doesn't mean anything, it just isn't there....likewise, if someone just isn't into me, why would I be so hurt about it? That would be like expecting myself to be into someone I'm not.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

samyeagar said:


> *I think the risk of rejection is, at least in part, a huge reason why women in general are less likely to approach. I think that could tie into the social stereotype of the woman being the sexual gatekeeper, and perceived sexual power women have over men. If a woman is rejected by a man, she seemingly has lost her sexual power and control.* Men, on the other hand, have been conditioned to not just accept rejection, but to expect it.
> 
> I'm not suggesting that these perceptions actually play out in practice, and in my experience, they aren't accurate, but many people, men and women will not act on a feeling or urge, simply because they have been conditioned not to.


Yes.. I THINK like this.. I believe in being the "gatekeeper"..... I know this steams the hell out of FW here... but why do we all have to be the same?? .. I have no desire under the sun to be rejected repeatedly or want to invite this into my life.. I also have no desire for a man to just "F**k me and walk away. ... I think if a woman wants marriage & children , she is far better off to allow a man to show his interest FIRST....it's also very romantic to me ... I would not want to take this away from my experience.. 

I guess if I couldn't pull that off.... I would have felt desperate.. I don't know.. but I want to be "special" to someone, noticed from across the room, ENOUGH that the guy will attempt to speak to me.. not be some annoying woman trying to break down some man - so he'll give me a little bit of attention...this does not appeal to me in the least way... 

All for being friendly though... I am a very friendly / open person in real life.. ...if my personality & looks can not draw a man in...then I would rather keeping walking down the highway...so to speak. 

I prefer the man to make the 1st "*INTEREST*" move.. so I have something to work with.. and yes, I do feel there is a little more "power" when it plays out this way.. at least initially..


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

SA, your views do not "steam the hell out of me". I wish you could understand that. I also never say everyone should be the same. Some women do pursue and want to. You don't and don't want to. That's exactly how we are not all the same. I'm perfectly good with women who don't want to at all and who want to be their own gate keeper. I'm also saying that those who want to pursue should do so. I am not challenging anything you are saying or that you believe.


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

pragmaster said:


> Hiiiiiiii!
> 
> I am a young man who got divorced last year. The first few months after DD were very difficult, but after a lot of meditation, self-help, therapy, etc..., I am feeling better and stronger then ever. I have learned a lot and I am thankful for everything.
> 
> ...


When I was dating I would NEVER approach a man because men like the chase. I would give them cues to let them know I'm interested. If I was at a club and I saw a man checking me out. I'd look him in the eyes smile then laugh a little and look away. Usually, I would give him some time of body language that it's "OK to approach me I won't reject you": Playing with my hair, adjusting my clothes in a sexy way, looking at him and looking away shyly. If he was unable to read my body language then so be it. Most knew when I was flirting with them.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't generally randomly approach men. I can be shy/timid at first when I meet someone. Especially if I think they are hot. I may smile and make contact but I don't really have a habit of going up to men to chat them up.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the posts and great discussion.

"Personal" had posted and asked; "do you feel that you are sexy and worthy of interest?"
-Yes, I do and definitely. 

I am not afraid of rejections and have no problem with them. Kind of like someone said, I expect them. 

Someone talked about the "game". I absolutely hate the chase. Some guys like it? Really? Wow. I don't understand. Do I HAVE to play? Lol. Sounds like it....

"Personal" also posted: "Meanwhile she was standing next to you, hoping you'd just say hi since she was a bit shy being forward." 

-No. That is my problem. There has never been a single instance where a woman has even randomly sat beside me or even looked at me. Sometimes I seriously feel invisible or as if every woman knows me and is like desperately trying to avoid me. It's a small city folks. I haven't done anything I know of wrong to ruin my reputation either 

I've tried to convey several times that I believe it's my location, facial expression and my own body language that needs to change. For instance, on my lunch breaks I usually go to the park and sit down on the grass. Generally speaking I avoid the public crowds, but there have been numerous times where I just sat on the bench reading my book. Nope. It gets pretty dead around here when it's not lunch hour, but even in the busiests of times, nothing. It always seems like when there is a woman there is someone with her. If she's alone, she's on her ipod or minding her own business. Furthermore, when I go out with friends for a drink, there are rarely any women there. I have been on the lookout for women "checking me out", but nope, I have never noticed a single person. As a matter of fact, I have never noticed a woman looking at me from afar giving me some signals to go and approach (I am usually quiet aware of my surroundings). I see it in the movies all the time but I have never even been a witness to that!! So I don't get it folks. 

I've gotten lots of numbers in the past but I never go out of my way to meet women. It's always like when I am going to grocery store, or going to the mall or something. Do guys actually go out of their way to meet girls alone? I am not a drinker and I dislike the bar scene. And I never want to be one of those guys that goes from girl to girl blindly. That's just creepy and totally not me. 

It's not that I have self-esteem issues or anything like that, but when I see a woman that is taller then me (like most in the city), I just don't bother. I don't want to date a woman that is taller then me I guess. 

FaithfulWife spoke about eye contact. I usually avoid eye contact with strangers. I am totally not one of those people that says hello to everyone.

I am introverted, but not socially awkward. Went to a party on the weekend for example. Met lots of people, lots of girls, had an amazing time, but I didn't go there to date or to find love. 

These days I have given up on dating. DD was last year, so my wounds are still pretty open. I would much rather make more women friends. 

Someone talked about making eye contact and feeling special. Kind of tough when everyone is wearing sunglasses! 

Someone said this: "My advice then is to engage in activities where you have a good chance of seeing the same people at the activities. Because you are doing something together, it does require you to speak to others anyway." 

-And I 100% agree. It seems like that's my best bet. 

Honestly, I don't know what planet you people are from but out here...man...women are so much different then what you describe. I know I shouldn't generalize, but there has got to be a cultural difference between Canadian and American women. 

One last note. I rarely get turned on by women's looks.
Maybe the odd time; "oo nice bum!", but that's it. Approaching a woman just for that seems silly. It's not about me not knowing what to say and being nervous. Looks alone just never give the necessary motivation to get up their and talk. Maybe that's part of the problem?


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

One last thing: 

Someone said this: "One's presence probably has more bearing than one's height when it comes to attraction. "

-How do I increase my presence, other then getting in real good shape and watching my posture? This is something I can work on if I had a little guidance.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Yes and yes. I've been in the Toasmasters group and can definitely do that.

Interesting note! 

I tend to avoid looking in the eyes when I am thinking of something. It seems to be a default to look above or at the ground when I am thinking of something to say. 

I've never been a fan of those people that pretty much stare at you when they talk without blinking. I like the impersonal breaks. Often when I talk to people (especially men) I only make eye contact at important points and not all throughout. If I don't, I'll see their aura and it gets distracting. 

I also tend to get distracted easy, aware of my environment. I wonder sometimes if women care about that. I usually have a lot of energy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yes, I have always approached men. I have had to, because they dont approach me. BUT, I approach the wrong type, obviously, because every relationship I have initiated has FAILED. So I am trying not to do so any more. Probably means I will always be alone, because as I said, they dont approach me. Not sure why, maybe I look like a b!tch or something, but Im not, Im very nice! 

To be honest, Prag, I would not have approached you in the past, due to your height.  I have always been attracted to tall men, 6ft or taller, not sure why. That is, until I got involved with the guy I am currently in love with. (one sided, unfortunately...we are just friends now...long story) We are actually the same size! (not sure really if he is 5'4" or 5'5"...) This is the first time I have been attracted like this to someone my size, and I have to say its pretty darn refreshing! I have really been overlooking some great potential, and will not be so biased in the future! My advice for you is to start making an effort to make some eye contact. That doesnt mean sit and stare, but quick, direct contact is key. Sit/stand up straight, and dont look down all the time, that looks like you lack confidence, and to me, you dont SOUND insecure.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, I have always approached men. I have had to, because they dont approach me. BUT, I approach the wrong type, obviously, because every relationship I have initiated has FAILED. So I am trying not to do so any more. Probably means I will always be alone, because as I said, they dont approach me. Not sure why, maybe I look like a b!tch or something, but Im not, Im very nice!
> 
> To be honest, Prag, I would not have approached you in the past, due to your height.  I have always been attracted to tall men, 6ft or taller, not sure why. That is, until I got involved with the guy I am currently in love with. (one sided, unfortunately...we are just friends now...long story) We are actually the same size! (not sure really if he is 5'4" or 5'5"...) This is the first time I have been attracted like this to someone my size, and I have to say its pretty darn refreshing! I have really been overlooking some great potential, and will not be so biased in the future! My advice for you is to start making an effort to make some eye contact. That doesnt mean sit and stare, but quick, direct contact is key. Sit/stand up straight, and dont look down all the time, that looks like you lack confidence, and to me, you dont SOUND insecure.


Thanks 3Xnocharm. 

Yeah I agree with you!

The whole glance, smile, wait for signal and go up to her thing...always seemed fake to me, like if out of a hollywood movie. Sometimes I go to the bar alone just to read my book and casually observe. I have never seen guys do this and succeed ever!! Ever!! At this point that sounds totally non-fictional and out of a red lobster commercial. Lol.  

Not sure if it's because of a lack of available women in my area, or if it's the simple fact that my body language is pretty closed. I have had people tell me before; what's wrong? Are you said? No I am great actually, I just have a default facial expression that shows 0 emotions. 

I don't think I stare down at the ground alot, but since I got my laser eye surgery my eyes are very sensitive to the light. Will keep this in mind thanks!

If there was a moment, where eye contact could be exchanged in a romanting/flirty way, for sure I'd take it, but if I could smile or not is the real question. Unless someone makes me laugh I cannot fake a smile. I have tried and tried and tried and tried...but why fake a smile?

And yes FaithfulWife, I will use my wizard powers if I can!


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

That's a great point there.

What are some things I can do to carry myself in an inviting manner? I think you hit it on the head.

I have a lot of trouble with engaging in small talk because I often just don't get it. I see people do it all the time and literally talk about nothing for hours. I am kind of that nerd that either doesn't say anything at all, or talks in great detail.

Perhaps it's easier for extroverts to show their personality when they go out alone. For me, an introvert, I truly need a buddy to bring it out of me. Or so far I do anyways.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> That's a great point there.
> 
> What are some things I can do to carry myself in an inviting manner? I think you hit it on the head.
> 
> ...


I feel the same way! I hate small talk. Either talk to me about something of import/actual interest, or stop wasting my time!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> Thanks 3Xnocharm.
> 
> Yeah I agree with you!
> 
> The whole glance, smile, wait for signal and go up to her thing...always seemed fake to me, like if out of a hollywood movie. Sometimes I go to the bar alone just to read my book and casually observe. I have never seen guys do this and succeed ever!! Ever!! At this point that sounds totally non-fictional and out of a red lobster commercial. Lol.


No, its NOT fake, its actually what most of us are hoping/waiting for! If she holds your glance for a few seconds, or gives you a little smile, go say hi! 



pragmaster said:


> If there was a moment, where eye contact could be exchanged in a romanting/flirty way, for sure I'd take it, but if I could smile or not is the real question. Unless someone makes me laugh I cannot fake a smile. I have tried and tried and tried and tried...*but why fake a smile?*


Because it works! But if there is a woman you find yourself drawn to, is that REALLY having to FAKE a smile? You need to learn to do this, or things are not going to happen for you. If there is a possibility of getting her to speak to you, isnt it worth that effort? I know I will not approach a man if we lock eyes and he just stares back all serious or stern. I am an introvert too, I know how difficult interacting with new people can be, but I have found that most people react positively with just small amounts of effort from you.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

3xnocharm, I want to believe you on the whole exchanging glance things and that's what some women really want, but I have never seen this before for myself or others; apart from in movies. I will try it, and work on smiling with my eyes too, but so far, it just seems so unrealistic and cheesy. I just can't believe that it's that simple.

So someone looks at you and you look at them, and you just smile? I don't get it. Usually when people look at me and smile, I am like; wtf you looking at? It's the attitude that needs to change. I am totally guilty of giving that stern look you talked about, and then they do the same back. 

What is locking? How do you know it's safe? Like, man, this is totally new for me. Sometimes I even feel like I am sexist. I never have this problem with men, ever. 

I hate being an introvert.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> 3xnocharm, I want to believe you on the whole exchanging glance things and that's what some women really want, but I have never seen this before for myself or others; apart from in movies. I will try it, and work on smiling with my eyes too, but so far, it just seems so unrealistic and cheesy. I just can't believe that it's that simple.
> 
> So someone looks at you and you look at them, and you just smile? I don't get it. Usually when people look at me and smile, I am like; wtf you looking at? It's the attitude that needs to change. I am totally guilty of giving that stern look you talked about, and then they do the same back.
> 
> ...


3x is right. If I look at a guy and we lock eyes (he catches me looking), and I smile for a moment... the door is wide open for him to come talk to me. I'm usually a little embarassed, so after the smile, I look DOWN, and I'm usually blushing a little bit. The looking DOWN part is important... if I'm not curious/interested, I won't smile, and I will look away as soon as/if he catches me looking at him. (I may take an initial look to scope out, but I won't look again if I'm not curious/interested.) If you catch a girl looking at you multiple times, she wants you to talk to her, and wonders what is wrong with you, since you're not picking up her clues!

Morale of the story is this: if a girl catches your eye, and there's eye contact and a smile (or sometimes not even a smile), SHE IS INTERESTED AND YOU SHOULD GO TALK TO HER.

:smthumbup:


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Well, today we have a big work meeting and there will be lots of people. I will try this out.

It's just never happened. I do keep an eye out for social cues but again, I have never noticed a girl in my entire life, EVER looking at me, once or multiple times. Every single woman I have EVER dated, included my ex-wife, I approached them based on commonalities (work, projects or music interests) and not looks. Let me repeat that. I have never approached a woman based on just looks alone. I am totally new at this. This is a "game changer" for me. Pun intended!

I don't get the looking down thing. How do you if she is smiling at you and not just in a good mood? Why would I want to interrupt her and her friends just because we make eye contact? Then you said if no smile= she is interested? My gosh this is confusing. I feel attractive and am confident, but the smiling cues is something that I am totally blind to in this moment. Sometimes I even go to a coffee shop and just watch others interact. I still have never seen this before.

I watch my body language and posture. Eye contact and smile are things I am working on right now. Usually I have my 0 face. Lol. Time to change this. 

It's like, let's say this happens, I go up to her after, and say what, hi how are you - I noticed you looked at me and I wanted to say .... ?

I am not lacking confidence nor trying to be negative, but I just fail to understand the logic behind this approach. It seems so hollywood. I want to change this negative attitude. I am not afraid of being social, or rejection, I just can't conceive yet that people actually meet like this in real life.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> It's like, let's say this happens, I go up to her after, and say what, hi how are you - I noticed you looked at me and I wanted to say .... ?


This is where you tell her that you're an excellent cook and that you'd love nothing more than to invite her over for dinner so that you can prepare her a stellar meal consisting of a nice bruschetta and a bottle of a nice table red, followed by your signature eggplant parmigaina alongside a mushroom risotto.

I'm serious too. Many women appreciate a man that can cook well. I know my wife loves the fact that I can cook...more importantly, I can cook well. *grin*


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> *It's like, let's say this happens, I go up to her after, and say what, hi how are you - I noticed you looked at me and I wanted to say .... ?
> *
> I am not lacking confidence nor trying to be negative, but I just fail to understand the logic behind this approach. It seems so hollywood. I want to change this negative attitude. I am not afraid of being social, or rejection, I just can't conceive yet that people actually meet like this in real life.


*NO.* This puts her on the spot and will make her uncomfortable! Awkward! 

Find something to notice, like her top, or maybe her shade of nail polish, or what she is drinking. Or maybe something common, like if there is a band playing or something. Is it really that hard to say "Hi, how are you this evening?" You really dont want to walk up and say that you saw her looking at you. What would you think if a woman said that to you? 




MountainRunner said:


> This is where you tell her that you're an excellent cook and that you'd love nothing more than to invite her over for dinner so that you can prepare her a stellar meal consisting of a nice bruschetta and a bottle of a nice table red, followed by your signature eggplant parmigaina alongside a mushroom risotto.
> 
> I'm serious too. Many women appreciate a man that can cook well. I know my wife loves the fact that I can cook...more importantly, I can cook well. *grin*



ALSO NO! This is pushy, you dont even know the woman. This would totally put me off. It comes off as arrogant, sorry.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> Well, today we have a big work meeting and there will be lots of people. I will try this out.
> 
> It's just never happened. I do keep an eye out for social cues but again, I have never noticed a girl in my entire life, EVER looking at me, once or multiple times. Every single woman I have EVER dated, included my ex-wife, I approached them based on commonalities (work, projects or music interests) and not looks. Let me repeat that. I have never approached a woman based on just looks alone. I am totally new at this. This is a "game changer" for me. Pun intended!
> 
> ...


I might not have been clear. She might be interested if your eyes meet, but she doesn't smile... because she might be shy, or embarrassed, or whatever.

OK, so you've decided to make the approach. Don't go in without a plan; winging it is going to be a disaster. You'll have to engage in a little small talk to get the ball rolling.

Notice something about her and comment/compliment her on it (but you may want to stay away from telling her you think she was beautiful, or "I saw you looking at me")... and then introduce yourself, and ask her name. Hopefully, she'll say something else, to get the conversation ball rolling... but if she doesn't, you have to be prepared to say something else to move the conversation along, preferably a question (that isn't a yes or no answer) that she'll answer, hopefully with a little detail, which you can respond to, and then pose another question.

Here's the thing about being the approach-er: with great power comes great responsibility! I mean that a little tongue-in-cheek, but it's true. As the approach-er, you've had time to prepare and plan what you might say; you've had the opportunity to think of the various ways that she might respond, and what your next move might be after that. She doesn't have that same luxury; even though she's given you some cues that it's OK to approach, she has no idea what you're going to say, so she's operating on the fly. So you have the upper hand in this situation; but that also means that the responsibility for keeping the conversation going falls onto your shoulders.

Let me give you two examples of two approaches, one successful, and one not. Both are real life examples, which happened to me last week when I was out with friends. We were out at a billiards lounge/bar in Virginia, about 45 mins from where I live, because they had karaoke there that night. My friends both left about an hour before I did, because they both had to work the next day, but I had the next day off work.

There were two guys, Guy A and Guy B. 

I had noticed Guy A earlier in the night, and he had definitely noticed me... there was some eye contact, smiling, etc, not to mention that he was watching with rapt attention whenever I sang, but ignored pretty much every other person on stage. Guy A was sitting at the bar, while I was at a table with my friends; after I noticed him, when I went to the bar for a refill on my ginger ale (don't drink and drive, kids!), maybe 2-3 times, I intentionally went in his general vicinity. Not right next to him, but close enough that he could have said something to get my attention, or easily approached me.

I hadn't seen Guy B all night, until my very last song, when he joined Guy A and Guy C (Guy C is completely irrelevant, except to note that these 3 guys were pals and hanging out together) at the bar. He must have been playing pool for most of the evening.

So, I finish my last song, and go to the bar to pay my tab. Guy A finally comes up to me.

Guy A: You did a really great job with that last song there.
Me: (Smiling) Thank you very much!
(long, pregnant, uncomfortable pause)
Guy A: Well, I just wanted to tell you that. (And he goes back to his bar stool.)
Guy B (having overheard our exchange): Yeah, I've got to tell you, your voice on that last song, it was like two angels fvcking!
Me: (laughing) Well, that's one I haven't heard before! I'll have to write that down. or maybe post it on Facebook.
Guy B: (Turns to Guy A) It was, wasn't it? She has a great voice.
Guy A: (nods) Yeah, great voice.
Guy B: (Back to me) So, do you live around here?
Me: I live in DC. I just came out for the night with some friends.
Guy B: Really? I'm from Georgia!
Me: (thinking I mis-heard, maybe he said Georgetown, which is in DC) You're from Georg-IA?
Guy B: (laughs) Yeah, is that the way you said it up here? Georg-IA? I haven't heard that one before!
Me: I thought you might have said Georgetown, I was just making sure.
Guy B: Yeah, I'm from Georg-IA. I'm only up here for maybe another month or two.
Me: Really? So what brings you to Northern Virginia?
(and the conversation goes on from there for another 5 mins or so)

Guy A hadn't put any thought into it past the first thing that he said to me, so he didn't have anywhere to go after I said thank you for the initial compliment. He didn't make a real effort to engage me... which makes a girl think, how engaged is he going to be in general? And it's too bad for him, because I thought he was attractive, and who knows? We might have had something in common, and could have hit it off if he knew how to nail that approach.

Guy B either 1) is a good converationalist in general, or 2) put in some thought into what he was going to say initially. He complimented me, but in a memorable, funny way... I'm never going to forget that line. And when I responded to his compliment, but didn't say something to move the conversation along, he was ready with another question to continue the conversation. And he took something silly I said ("Georg-IA?"), he took that and ran with it... and he gets points for the convo mirroring with "I haven't heard that one before!" That's not really a requirement, but if you reference or mirror something she previously said, it shows that you're listening to her. It's like Brownie points. And then he said something that encouraged ME to asked a question: "I'm only here for a few months." Something like that encourages the other person to ask "Why are you ...?"

Guy B ultimately ended up being a no-match/no-go (he failed to seal the deal/ask for my number, but he did ask when I would be back at Breakers to sing again), and he was totally on-point with his approach, and I had a really nice conversation with him. Why didn't he ask for my number? Who knows. Maybe he sensed that I wasn't really into him, or maybe his approach was intended to help his friend/Guy A out (and if Guy A STILL can't make the approach, even with an assist from Guy B? Not good for Guy A). Doesn't matter. You're not obligated to get her number, or give her yours, if you initiate the approach. The approach is just to determine if there's mutual interest/basic compatibility; if not, you gracefully end the conversation (or she will do it), and you both continue on your night.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> This is where you tell her that you're an excellent cook and that you'd love nothing more than to invite her over for dinner so that you can prepare her a stellar meal consisting of a nice bruschetta and a bottle of a nice table red, followed by your signature eggplant parmigaina alongside a mushroom risotto.
> 
> I'm serious too. Many women appreciate a man that can cook well. I know my wife loves the fact that I can cook...more importantly, I can cook well. *grin*


Not on the initial approach! Too soon.

You do this at the END of the conversation, if you genuinely would like to see her again/ask her out.

You don't go up to complete strangers, introduce yourself, say "I saw you looking at me, let me take you home and cook for you." 

I would think, _OMG, he wants to rape me and murder me. Run away!_ Because what kind of person asks a complete stranger out on a date--in their home--without having even a conversation first?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I also wanted to mention... a big work meeting (or a work social thing) is actually a great place to practice your approach. You can do it with the "intention" of being more social at work and getting to know your co-workers. I'm not suggesting that you actually hit on anyone at work. You can actually practice this on male co-workers as well, just as a way to practice the conversational part of it. Once you get comfortable with the conversational part of it, and start approaching outsite of a professional setting, you can start to incorporate flirting... but I wouldn't necessarily do this at work functions!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> This is where you tell her that you're an excellent cook and that you'd love nothing more than to invite her over for dinner so that you can prepare her a stellar meal consisting of a nice bruschetta and a bottle of a nice table red, followed by your signature eggplant parmigaina alongside a mushroom risotto.
> 
> I'm serious too. Many women appreciate a man that can cook well. I know my wife loves the fact that I can cook...more importantly, I can cook well. *grin*


Yeah....._No!_

An invitation to your home for dinner is widely viewed in the modern dating world as a proposition for sex. Think about how that sounds to a woman you've met just seconds before. If you want to know if she's DTF, ask her that directly. It would be slightly less creepy than suggesting something that sounds eerily like her joining you for "some fava beans and a nice chianti."


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Yeah....._No!_
> 
> An invitation to your home for dinner is widely viewed in the modern dating world as a proposition for sex. Think about how that sounds to a woman you've met just seconds before. If you want to know if she's DTF, ask her that directly. It would be slightly less creepy than suggesting *something that sounds eerily like her joining you for "some fava beans and a nice chianti."*


This was the *exact same thought* that popped into my head when I read Mountain Runner's post.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Pfftt...Fine then. Guess I'll take this deelish chocolate cheesecake that I prepared and have to myself. Nyah!  *giggle*


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Thanks everyone.

I have actually no problem with going up to a woman and chatting. I am great at conversations and whatnot. I love improvising and winging it. Generally speaking though, I find people quite dull. I am very easily bored and very easily unimpressed. I might see a woman, go up to her and the very sound of her voice or her laugh will drive me away. I have no problem getting numbers and all that jazz...but I am looking for quality that matches my interests, not quantity, nor something to raise my self-esteem or boost my ego. 

I worked on eye contact today at the meeting. It was much easier then I thought. No problem. Something I will do from now on forever. I approached a very beautiful woman and did it. I could tell the effects instantly of the deep gaze. I didn't want to do anything more then test the technique so I just walked away after. Since my divorce (where I met my ex), I stay away from seeing/dating anybody in the workplace. Plus most of them are conservative and religious and that disgusts me unfortunately. At my job it also seems like every single woman is married or has a ring on them. I used to hit on married women before my marriage, but after the divorce, I have so much respect for married couples that I would never ever ever ever attempt to even flirt with a married woman. 

The problem I face is opportunity for the women that I am actually attracted to. There is **** all here. It's one of the main reasons I thought of moving to a more artsy city. Maybe I am too picky? I like hippy girls and metalchicks!! Not the barbies, not cigarette smokers, nor the ones who drink starbucks everyday and talk about cats all day, nor the nice religious girls who appear innocent. I like women with attitude, liberals, fighters, tattoos, piercings, stoners, rebels who don't say ya and like every two seconds. I can't stand country music and I am not into hiphop. I am a rock'n'roller hipster. I am not into women that spend 3 hours on their hair and nails (you can def. tell) and I am certainly not interested in single mothers (although you never know who you might meet). As you can see (and I try everyday to love and not hate), I have some interesting requirements that may be limiting my chances, but it's outside of the fact that I find myself time and time again in environments that are just not in my favor. That is what I want to change. I have spent far too much time and energy on "luck" and "faith".

Sometimes I feel like I a refuse to waste my time on a "maybe". I am slowly starting to realize though, that they (women) are pretty much all maybes. Especially after the divorce, I just know there are no guarantees in life, so maybe I need to loosen up the standards I have spent a long time building. Another problem of mine is moderation. I seem to be an all or nothing type of guy; very efficiency based. Either I am strict or I take whatever comes. (Ahhh my life as a gemini!) 

So again, for me, I am trying to think about places I can go or events where opportunities could arise with the people I know have similar interests. I am the type of guy that can approach anybody about anything and bull**** for days, but I also get really excited meeting people who know things that I know (and I think everybody does to that respect). The whole game thing is fine with me but it excited me to inquire anyways. My dream is to find true love after all.
One person said dance lessons and I already signed up for that. Thank you. Great idea! I signed up to a few pagan and hemp festivals this summer and am looking forward to them. 

Keep em coming and again thank you for the feedback. Please don't say the bar. I hate the ****ing bar. Lol.

Btw, the cooking thing is a great idea imo.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> Pfftt...Fine then. Guess I'll take this deelish chocolate cheesecake that I prepared and have to myself. Nyah!  *giggle*


But you were right about some women liking men that can cook. For me personally it is a great skill, not only because we get to eat but we also have some pretty nice rituals around cooking. We cook together often, drink wine and chat, I love this part of the day.
Most weekends we will do a big cooked brekky at home, again we cook together then we sit out side to eat and often end up sitting there for an hour or two talking.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

If you are waiting for women to approach you, you are likely to have a long wait, unless of course you are a rock star or other famous person, or look like a movie star. In which case, of course you wouldn't be here asking for advice!

I know this is unpopular advice here, but unfortunately the man still has to make the approach 99% of the time. Get out there and do it!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

So, it's not really picking up women that's the problem... it's knowing _where_ to pick up the kind of women you want. I see now!

You were asking the wrong questions, Prag!

I have no answer to that question. I have no idea where to meet hippy chicks and/or metal chicks, sadly


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> Btw, the cooking thing is a great idea imo.


Well, the point that you wouldn't invite a complete stranger up to your place for a home cooked meal has some validity to it to be sure, but "food discussion" is a great ice breaker and I can attest to that. Furthermore, once you get to know a woman and you introduce her to your culinary expertise, let me tell you...You will be the subject of discussion among her circle of friends.

Cooking is personal. It is an expression. It is a "labor of love". Cooking an exquisite meal for a woman....just for her tells her something that she won't easily forget. I love cooking for people.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> Well, the point that you wouldn't invite a complete stranger up to your place for a home cooked meal has some validity to it to be sure, but "food discussion" is a great ice breaker and I can attest to that. Furthermore, once you get to know a woman and you introduce her to your culinary expertise, let me tell you...You will be the subject of discussion among her circle of friends.
> 
> Cooking is personal. It is an expression. It is a "labor of love". Cooking an exquisite meal for a woman....just for her tells her something that she won't easily forget. I love cooking for people.


Yes. I love a man who can cook well! It's one of the things I find vastly attractive about the man I'm currently seeing. And discussing cooking - in a general way - with someone you've just met is perfectly fine.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Fitnessfan said:


> I never approached men. I just preferred for them to approach me when I was single.


I was the same till one day when I was in a pub with some female friends and a bit of alcohol to loosen in up and I did it.

It was empowering to say the least. Even tough i approached the guy he didn't let me pay for his drink but it was a very nice experience.

But without alcohol I couldn't have done it, but I liked it:smthumbup:


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Brigit said:


> When I was dating I would NEVER approach a man because men like the chase.


If that's true, then that is one way that I am different from other men. "The chase" doesn't really do anything for me. I just like it to happen naturally. Living in a rural area and my lifestyle may have something to do with it. I don't do bars and clubs looking for women. 

If I am around a woman that I want to ask out, I do it, and if she says no, or if she says yes, but gives the brush off at some point, I'm ok with that. I may show interest in what I consider a normal fashion for a period, but I wouldn't call what i would do chasing. She has to show some interest too in order for me to remain interested.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I probably wouldn't but I'm overweight so I doubt you'd want me sidling up to you anyway hehe

Speaking seriously though, I do think dance lessons make you more confident in the way you hold yourself generally so even if you don't end up being some incredible dancer it will help a lot with your confidence, from what I've observed.

The height thing is an issue for some women, but so what? Everyone has a type and just because it bothers a few women, it doesn't automatically mean all women will steer clear of you just because of that. I've dated shorter and taller, and what makes the difference between sexy and not sexy wasnt height, but other factors, like the short guy being pretty confident and in great shape, and with a ton of stuff in common with me. 

Worrying about stuff you can't fix will drive you crazy. Work on the stuff you can fix - your self esteem, fitness, knowledge, etc. through activities that makes you feel good about yourself (whether that's ballet* or martial arts or fixing up cars) is a great start, plus therapy to work on your self esteem issues. 

Anyone who says male ballet dancers aren't sexy has clearly never seen this dude move. Swoon.Ballet Dancer Sergei Polunin Simply Slays Hozier's 'Take Me To Church'
And no, I really don't care if he is tall or not.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Thanks everyone.

joannacroc, I am like the most non-judgemental person ever (most times). Overweight is irrelevant; it's the heart that matters!

Two really interesting developments occured this weekend.

#1 - This weekend I went to a drinking festival with a friend. We took cabs so we could get extra saucy. It was a blast. I have to say though, I was a little heartbroken by the end of the night. I didn't go with the intention of meeting any girls (so it wasn't that big of a deal) but there was an instance where I met this girl, we talked, she seemed real cool, then I went to ask for her number, she asked for my height and before I could even respond she just walked away...and this happened two more times throughout the night. 

I respect people's boundaries and don't get mad when this happens, but I just felt disrespected as a human being and that hurt. Meanwhile, my friend who is totally horrible with women is getting eyed on every second corner, completely unaware.... Oh well

I am seriously debating moving to a city with statistically higher percentage of shorter women. I am wondering what cities those might be and am going to do some research. Any suggestions?

#2 - I did happen to meet a wonderful lady online. We were suppost to be just friends but we hit off extremely well and things escalated. We have a lot in common and there is an obvious, mutual attraction. She's a good foot taller then me too, so I guess i'll be sticking around for a little bit longer. 

Tomorrow I start my dance lessons, and also will be doing yoga every day.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> but there was an instance where I met this girl, we talked, she seemed real cool, then I went to ask for her number, she asked for my height and before I could even respond she just walked away...and this happened two more times throughout the night.


What a b----!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> What a b----!


Seriously. WTF?


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Yep. This happens a lot in this city. That's why I've debated moving. It's not even in the dating world that it occurs. I get this reaction when I am trying to make new women friends. It really is bull****. 

I talked to my friend about it. She said well if someone asks how tall are you why don't you say something witty/funny back? Yeah sure, I've got lots of material (lol) but in this case she just walked away before I had a chance. Plus, I am not the guy to throw a fit in public or give out some emotional outcry/reaction. I still respect people's choices and boundaries. Nah. **** her if she's going to be a twat, I'd rather not waste another half-second over someone so vain like that.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

What I don't understand... what's the point of asking, anyway? If they're standing next to you, and know their own height, then they should know about how tall you are.

But that's irrelevant, because it's just plain rude.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Thank the lord I'm not young. In this No means no yes means no everything means no silence means no and yes means no 4 days later just wait at home for the cops to show up, I am glad I am out of that. Please stay away, ladies, you're probably broken and I don't want to need to hire a criminal defense attorney.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

AMEN. Ha ha ha.

Yeah. 

Trying not to be sexist.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> What I don't understand... what's the point of asking, anyway? If they're standing next to you, and know their own height, then they should know about how tall you are.
> 
> But that's irrelevant, because it's just plain rude.


I agree! Why the hell did she feel the need to asK?? He was RIGHT THERE! :scratchhead:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree! Why the hell did she feel the need to asK?? He was RIGHT THERE! :scratchhead:


:iagree:

Maybe she wanted to prove, if there was any doubt in prag's mind, just how much of a b!tch she is. :rofl:


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

This has happened a lot lately.

Trying to get to the root of it.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

pragmaster said:


> Yep. This happens a lot in this city. That's why I've debated moving. It's not even in the dating world that it occurs. I get this reaction when I am trying to make new women friends. It really is bull****.
> 
> I talked to my friend about it. She said well if someone asks how tall are you why don't you say something witty/funny back? Yeah sure, I've got lots of material (lol) but in this case she just walked away before I had a chance. Plus, I am not the guy to throw a fit in public or give out some emotional outcry/reaction. I still respect people's choices and boundaries. Nah. **** her if she's going to be a twat, I'd rather not waste another half-second over someone so vain like that.


What city do you live in?
Next time a female asks you how tall you are, just ask them how much they weigh...

What type of women are you trying to befriend or flirt with?


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Tubbalard said:


> What city do you live in?
> Next time a female asks you how tall you are, just ask them how much they weigh...
> 
> What type of women are you trying to befriend or flirt with?





Tubbalard said:


> What city do you live in?
> Next time a female asks you how tall you are, just ask them how much they weigh...
> 
> What type of women are you trying to befriend or flirt with?


Regina, SK 

Wow. That's a great ****ing answer. Thank you kind sir. You rock. I am totally using that from now on. Never would have thought of that!!! 

I tend to stay away from preppy girls but to answer your question, everybody. I have several friends from childhood. I have a feeling that I am living in a fantasy and people don't just make friends for the hell of it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

pragmaster said:


> Regina, SK
> 
> Wow. That's a great ****ing answer. Thank you kind sir. You rock. I am totally using that from now on. Never would have thought of that!!!
> 
> I tend to stay away from preppy girls but to answer your question, everybody. I have several friends from childhood. I have a feeling that I am living in a fantasy and *people don't just make friends for the hell of it*.


This is true. So remember to give AND take. Don't let yourself get strung out.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> joannacroc, I am like the most non-judgemental person ever (most times). Overweight is irrelevant; it's the heart that matters!
> 
> ...


Holy fvcking cow. Wow you had a lucky save then that she walked away.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

pragmaster said:


> Yep. This happens a lot in this city. That's why I've debated moving. It's not even in the dating world that it occurs. I get this reaction when I am trying to make new women friends. It really is bull****.
> 
> I talked to my friend about it. She said well if someone asks how tall are you why don't you say something witty/funny back? Yeah sure, I've got lots of material (lol) but in this case she just walked away before I had a chance. Plus, I am not the guy to throw a fit in public or give out some emotional outcry/reaction. I still respect people's choices and boundaries. Nah. **** her if she's going to be a twat, I'd rather not waste another half-second over someone so vain like that.




What kind of city is this? That the females there have made it complete b-tchville!? Where is this? I wanna google!

Actually, hold off that for a sec, is this a regular occurence? Just saying cause, hate to be an a$$ but you know how it is - when you meet one b-tch, alright, she's a b-tch, but when everyone's a b-tch... time to do a reality check in the mirror.

Tell us everything that occured in that meeting, with full details, her body language, yours, words, everything. The thing is - I just don't get how a woman could just turn around and go all full b-tch on you for no reason.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

She didn't go full ***** lol. She made a casual derogatory remark, but in reality it also may have been an opportunity for me (a **** test). It doesn't matter. I am over it lol. 

I had a friend from Quebec come over in Spring. We went to the bar together. She said the way women act in public here was extremely strange. She said women here not only dressed funny, they acted reserved, selfish and generally speaking she said they were unapproachable. This was a girl saying this, not me. I've also confirmed this with some of my friends. I know SOOO MANY guys here that have been single for years, because the market is just ****. Sure everyone has their quirks, but you need to understand that this city...is like its' own. People drive horribly here, nobody really cares how they dress and when they do they are extremely judgemental. This isn't a reflection of myself. It's observational science. 

It's not a bad thing.... but you would be EXTREMELY surprised to know that most women here are not that sexual. Most women here are NOT open to one night stands, nor casual fwb's and whatnot. Women around here, just don't give off that sexual energy I've seen in cities like Montreal, Calgary, Edmonton, etc... 

And the one's that ARE cool are taken. (and I will never ever ever try and sleep with a married woman)

It really is this city. You need to come to Regina, SK and have a good laugh. 

It's all good guys. I am pleased to say I will be moving in a couple years. Thread can be closed!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I've travelled enough to know how different cities can be, where I live, it's a typical big city; inconsiderate drivers, people obsessed with prestige/glamor, women with very high material standards and expectations etc.

I kinda just learnt to accept it. Pre-marriage I wasn't successful so women didn't take me seriously either than sex, post-marriage with a business chain behind me my success rate if I bring my A game is almost 100%. I should be happy, but really, I'm not, cause at the back of my mind all the time, I know that 10 years ago, these women wouldn't give me the time of day, or would consider me worth nothing more than a short fling until someone better (richer) came along.

Unlike you, I don't have the luxury of moving, as my ex/daughter/businesses are all here. I'm stuck. You are free to fly!


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 18, 2012)

_If I was single and I thought we were a good match then yes._


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

And here I thought that women weren't as shallow as men?

Seriously, though, I think what you are encountering in regard to your height is both awful and quite predictable. Height is by far the #1 physical requirement of most women. 

There are countries where this wouldn't be a problem, though. If I were a young short man, I would move to one of them.


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