# Newlywed & Finishing school



## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I'm struggling with some decisions that being married so young has brought on and would love some outside opinions. I married the love of my life in May. At the time I had just completed two years in Nursing school (half way done). My husband is in the Army and stationed in Virginia. We are from New Jersey and my college is in Philadelphia. I am supposed to go back to school for the fall semester, meaning I would move back home with my family and commute to school in Philadelphia.. only seeing my husband on weekends. The problems here being: I'm newly married and want to be around my husband and create a strong foundation that will keep us together in this crazy world, I currently have a good paying job in Virginia and would have to find a new one that worked with my college schedule if I moved back home, traveling back and forth to Viringia and New Jersey would put a lot of miles on my leased car and gas is expensive.. on top of the commute from New Jersey to Philadelphia 2 days a week (about an hour drive). I would absolutely need a job on top of school because I would also need to help my husband pay bills for the apartment that I wouldnt even be living in. I am absolutely torn as a I know how important my education is to us in the long run. but living apart can cause such a strain in such a new fragile marriage I'm not sure if its worth it. Is it better to: take a year or two off until my husband gets out of the army and work and save money, or bite the bullet, go back to school and struggle financially and possibly strain my marriage?


----------



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

Looks like I was reading about my life, 4-5 years ago.sigh. I totally understand your situation.
What is ur husband's take on all this? Can you start practicing your profession with your current level of education in virginia itself? is it absolutely impossible to live midway and commute? Like midway between your school and your husbabd's job?
Staying away from husband is a big no-no, atleast for me. In the long run , it screws up a lot of things.


----------



## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

Thanks for your response! My husband thinks education is the more important than anything, but at the same time doesn't want to be away from me. I could possibly become a nurse's aide which would get my foot in the door but I wont be in this area for more than a couple years so its not like they would pay for my schooling in say 5 years. Midway wouldn't work because we are located right outside of Washington DC and he has to be at work by 5AM everyday so being close is imperative for him. My heart really is leaning towards staying here. At least until we have a solid foundation down. Being only 20 and 21, we still have so much to figure out about ourselves and each other I just feel like I would be sacrificing my marriage for my education, which I already no I will absolutely accomplish one day. My background is very cookie cutter and no one around me is even close to getting married or worrying about these things, so it is very difficult to veer away from the pressure of what is "normal".


----------



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

You are lucky that your husband thinks this way about your education. 

Can you transfer and complete your education in virginia or near DC? I'm sure there are a LOT of schools there too? May be you can wait one year until you are eligible for in-state tuition and then take it from there. Look into all these academic options.

My situation was similar to yours but my husband,then fiance, was not ready to move so I moved and it was a cross-continent move for me. I resented the move a lot after a few weeks. But my case is different because I had to quit a job, move to a new country, no friends, no family etc. I believe your situation is a little better, you have family within driving distance.

Ok, so you guys cannot live midway because of husband's timing but may be you can start working as an aide? that will give you valuable experience too. How many years does ur current school give you to finish up your degree and how many more courses/years do you have? Can you take additional load so that you can finish earlier if you decide to continue school in NJ now?

What is 'normal' for one person may not be normal for another. Look into what you want. I think you are personally leaning toward staying with husband which is a good thing. But ask yourself these questions(1) will you find a job (2) if you don't find a job, can you both afford it and/or will you resent staying-at-home (3) does your husband sound appreciative of your decision and know how much your education means to you (4) when can you go back to complete your degree? (5)transfer options to other schools in the Virginia area or DC area.

P.S.:I was 24 when I made this decision 3 years ago!

Good Luck!


----------

