# I don't want to be married to him any more



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

We just had a fight. I just don't want to do this any more. I don't even want to try. I've been forcing myself to try, but I can't even imagine liking him ever again at this point. I want to quit. He's the most selfish, self-absorbed person on the planet. This morning, he fed our 7 year old moldy yogurt. I can't even trust him with the most basic parenting and child care tasks. That's not even what our fight was about though.

Ugh. I'm counting down the days until the separation. Then I guess after that, I'll hope for a miracle.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

do you have a specific date in mind for separation - why are you counting down the days?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How moldy was the yogurt? Was he just not paying attention? Who noticed the mold?

When is the separation going to happen? Why do you have to wait?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Yeah, there's a specific date. Back when I was operating under the theory that if I backed off of some things, he would naturally step up, I trusted what he said about my visa. He was wrong, and I have to leave the country. It makes for an easy separation, because he has to stay behind for a few more months. I'm just waiting until our house in the US is empty so I can move back into it (we have renters there now).

He saw the mold and decided to feed it to her anyway. I didn't know about it until after she'd eaten and I saw the moldy container in the sink. Like, really? Who looks at moldy yogurt and figures, well, there's only SOME mold, I'll give it to my little girl anyway? When I told him it wasn't a good idea to feed her that, he was like, whatever, she'll be fine. Couldn't he at least show some concern? Like say, "oh crap, I thought it'd be ok. I hope she doesn't get sick."

That's not what we fought about, though if I wasn't irritated about the yogurt, I'm sure the fight wouldn't have happened. The fight was about the car situation, which is a really long story. Basically though, it's his mom's car, we don't own one here in this country. We didn't buy one because she said we should just use her's, she rarely uses it. But they both gave me this passive-aggressive resistance to me using it, which made me really uncomfortable. Like, if I said, do you mind if I use the car for such and such, they'd say, "well sometime you could practice on it, i'll just drive you today." (practice because it's a standard and I haven't driven one in a few years). Finally I told H I was feeling like neither one of them actually wanted me driving it, and was I imagining that. H said I was, I said fine, well, let's get out and take it for a spin. And he went right back to saying, yeah, you can practice sometime... this went on, finally he went and got himself a license translation (he didn't tell me this was required to drive!), and didn't get me one. Didn't even tell me he was going... anyway, he finally admitted that yeah, he didn't want me to drive, and he was finding reasons I shouldn't and generally being passive aggressive about the whole thing. I asked him why, especially since I already feel so restricted here. Having to depend on him and his mother to drive me places makes it so much worse. He said he didn't know.

Anyway, so this morning he said "do you want me to take you to pick up moldy-yogurt-fed daughter from school," and I said, "you know, I've told you that I really resent the way you hold the car over me like that, please just either pick her up or don't, but don't ask me if I want you to drive me around. I can't handle that." Which I know is over the top of me, but I'm under so much stress, and I just want to pretend the car doesn't even exist. So, we started fighting about that. He said he thought I didn't want to drive, and that's why he was so passive-aggressive about it. ??? I told him I was very clear that being able to get around independently was a big deal to me, so he either willfully ignored what I was said, repeatedly, to him over the summer and fall, or he's lying now. 

Blech, I know I should have walked away. There was nothing he could have said that was going to make me feel better about the situation. It's a sore spot with me. :-(


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