# How do I get my wife to stop watching lesbian porn



## nordicwarrior (Oct 29, 2015)

I recently caught my wife watching lesbian porn and it really bugs me because I feel like she is not exclusively attracted to me. I asked my wife if she would be okay with me watching gay porn and she said no so I see no reason why she should be allowed to watch lesbian porn.

Also in my last marriage my wife left me for another women so I feel very insecure with her being attracted to other women.

How do I deal with this problem?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I guess your other thread got taken over eh? I understand your insecurities. 
I have a few questions:

1. Does she hide and watch it, or she watches it when you are not around?

2. Have you told her about your insecurities?

3. Aside from watching porn, does she give any other indication that she might be interested in other women?


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## nordicwarrior (Oct 29, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> I guess your other thread got taken over eh? I understand your insecurities.
> I have a few questions:
> 
> 1. Does she hide and watch it, or she watches it when you are not around?
> ...


1.she is comfortable watching in front of me and has asked me to join her.

2.yes I have and she said that its natural for straight women to have sex with other women.

3.when were out in public she always checks out other females.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

nordicwarrior said:


> 1.she is comfortable watching in front of me and has asked me to join her.
> 
> 2.yes I have and she said that its natural for straight women to have sex with other women.
> 
> 3.when were out in public she always checks out other females.


#2 and #3 are a load of crap. I am a straight woman and let me tell you, I don't want to have sex with other woman. I check other women out but not sexually. I look at their clothes, hair style, shoes and makeup. But not attracted to them. 

Tell her, that you are uncomfortable with her watching same sex porn and its bringing out a lot of insecurities. That you think that a loving and understanding spouse would want to stop watching it to appease her husband. See what she says to that. 

But if 2/3 is how she see things, you might be in the same both as the previous wife. Have a talk, ask her if she would act on those fantasies?
Is this something she wants to do? And if so, how much does she want to?

Ask a lot of questions and let her know you are trying to understand her. The key is to talk. Once, you have had a meaningful discussion you can decide how to handle this situation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

nordicwarrior said:


> I recently caught my wife watching lesbian porn and it really bugs me because I feel like she is not exclusively attracted to me. I asked my wife if she would be okay with me watching gay porn and she said no so I see no reason why she should be allowed to watch lesbian porn.
> 
> *Also in my last marriage my wife left me for another women so I feel very insecure with her being attracted to other women.*
> 
> How do I deal with this problem?


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

nordicwarrior said:


> 1.she is comfortable watching in front of me and has asked me to join her.
> 
> 2.yes I have and she said that its natural for straight women to have sex with other women.
> 
> 3.when were out in public she always checks out other females.


IDK but it seems like she's not respecting your feelings.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

nordicwarrior said:


> I recently caught my wife watching lesbian porn and it really bugs me because I feel like she is not exclusively attracted to me. I asked my wife if she would be okay with me watching gay porn and she said no so I see no reason why she should be allowed to watch lesbian porn.
> 
> Also in my last marriage my wife left me for another women so I feel very insecure with her being attracted to other women.
> 
> How do I deal with this problem?


OK NW NOW I get your problem with girl on girl porn...

Do you believe your wife is going to be faithful to you? Do you believe your wife is being honest and open with you?

Do you believe your wife is going to stay with you?

Those are the questions you need to answer. Set aside the girl on girl porn. I can completely understand why it would trigger you. But think about it like this -- if your ex wife left you for another man, would watching straight porn be a problem?

Trust me when I say that PLENTY of women watch and enjoy girl on girl porn who never want to have sex with girls.

The root of the question isn't is she secretly into girls.

The root of the question is... do you believe her?


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

that's a load of crap not all women fantasize of other women. The checking out other women is debatable. I do it mainly because I'm sizing them up or envying their boobs, butt etc. I don't care for lesbien porn I usually fast forward it if it's in my porn. I have heard of women doing this however. It could be because the orgasms in men/women porn are so fake and exaggerated. She should respect your wishes to stop however.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

marduk said:


> OK NW NOW I get your problem with girl on girl porn...
> 
> Do you believe your wife is going to be faithful to you? Do you believe your wife is being honest and open with you?
> 
> ...


You should also ask her why isn't she taking your feelings into account.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

It's a tricky question you ask - it seems to be a sexual need of your wife's and like so many sexual needs, there is only so much we can really control our own, or other people's desires. Your responses are understandable given your history with women and I can see why this bothers you.

Without delving too much into her sexual identity (some studies seem to indicate that sexual orientation is not as cut and dried as society represents), it IS pretty worrying that instead of confessing that she is bisexual, she is saying that straight women sometimes want sex with women. I don't claim to represent all women by any means, but in my mind, while a straight woman might admire another woman's body, wanting to act on it would seem to indicate to me that she is attracted to women and wants to have sex with them. A few questions which I guess would be kind of relevant, OP, and feel free not to answer them, since they are pretty personal:

How is your sex life? Do both of you climax and seem satisfied prior to this discovery? How about after the discovery? Does she seem invested in your needs and desires? What was her reaction when you explained why this new discovery is so upsetting to you? Did she seem sympathetic? She seems to be trying to downplay her attraction but trying to get you on board with watching it too is asking a lot given how you feel about the whole situation. It doesn't seem to show much sensitivity or compassion, but that doesn't mean she can't work on that if you explain how you're feeling in more detail.

I guess based on your responses, your goal is to quash her desire for other women, but the reality is that were she to stop watching lesbian porn, it wouldn't mean she would stop checking out other women, or being attracted to them. Is that what really bothers you the most? I suspect it is, but please feel free to correct me. Is this something you can try to talk through with a therapist, and talk to your wife about how you can overcome this challenge together?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Allowed?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm sure there are many women, who have been cheated on in other relationships, who dislike the fact that their husbands watch porn. They are uncomfortable with the fact that their partner is getting aroused to other women. Usually those women are told that it is natural that men like to look at porn, that they should just accept it and that most men do it. It's okay and just a part of their sexuality, to enjoy these images of others and masturbate to them. And that chances of finding a man who doesn't are slim, very slim. That this is just a natural part of sexuality today, watching porn.... watching images of other people, not our partners, naked and having sex.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

OP, I posted this in your other thread. I'll paste it here for you.

Actually I recall a study done not that long ago where women were hooked up to a monitoring system designed to measure arousal levels. Then they were shown pictures and videos depicting sex acts. Some were male/male, some were male/female, female/female, solo etc. Some of the women identified as straight, some as bi, some as lesbian. In the end sexual orientation didn't matter. Neither did the sexuality of the visual stimuli they were receiving. Virtually all the women became aroused at all the pictures/video. A similar study was done with men and their responses were much more in line with their stated sexual preferences. The conclusion reached was that women's sexuality was much more fluid than men's. So unless there are other red flags present I wouldn't be too concerned.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

nordicwarrior said:


> I recently caught my wife watching lesbian porn and it really bugs me because I feel like she is not exclusively attracted to me. I asked my wife if she would be okay with me watching gay porn and she said no so I see no reason why she should be allowed to watch lesbian porn.
> 
> Also in my last marriage my wife left me for another women so I feel very insecure with her being attracted to other women.
> 
> How do I deal with this problem?


nordicwarrior,

You deal with this problem the same way you deal with all problems in a marriage, honestly and, if necessary, emphatically.

First, if you haven't done it already, explain to your wife why you don't want her watching lesbian porn. Tell her that, given what happened in your first marriage, you think she should understand why it makes you uncomfortable and willing to forgo it for that reason.

If she continues to watch it, talk to her again tell her that, just as she can decide for herself what she is going to watch, you can decide who you are going to be with and, if she continues to watch it, you will presume that lesbian porn is more important to her then her marriage.

If she continues to watch lesbian porn, then you have to decide what you can tolerate. If if you decide you can't tolerate her continuing to watch lesbian porn, then file for divorce.

Here's the deal. In modern marriage, the only thing you have control over is whether to remain married or not. You can ask, plead, bribe and threaten but, if all these things fail, your only recourse is divorce.

Personally, given what happened in your first marriage, I think your wife not only watching lesbian porn but doing it in you presence and refusing to stop is a sign of incredible disrespect. If this is the only thing she does that is disrespectful, maybe it means she is just really ignorant when it comes to relationships. But, if she does other disrespectful things, then my guess is that you are married to the wrong person.

Good luck.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Sorry dude she a carpet munched or wants to be. You're absolutely right to call her on this and thankfully she was honest. No most women don't want to have sex with other women.

Sorry but you must be keying in on some traits that correlate with bisexual women..


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

nordicwarrior said:


> I recently caught my wife watching lesbian porn and *it really bugs me because I feel like she is not exclusively attracted to me*.


Ok the porn issue aside...NO ONE will ever be exclusively attracted to you.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I don't want to make light of your problem, but...

Ok, I will. Many men would be very happy to have this problem!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

richie33 said:


> Allowed?


Not to speak for OP, but one is allowed to make their own choices.....it's up to the individual to tolerate the behavior.

It's important to have boundaries so one can either allow them selves to be treated in a certain way, or not allow others to treat them in a way that is emotional torture.

I mean his ex left him for a **************....so I can see how OP can be a little sensitive about ******.

I think if my old lady went to the other team I might be kind of pissed if my new chicking was checking out other babes.

Granted there are some insecurities that need to be addressed, but at the end of the day some respect should be commanded.

Watching porn chicks get oral is one thing (fantasy) but checking out other chicks around the neighborhood (in front of you) is phucked up .


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

OP, you may be able to get your wife to stop watching porn but at the end of the day, you can't control her sexual orientation. 

As others have already attested to, her choice in porn will not tell you if she's bisexual or lesbian. All it tells you is that she enjoys girl on girl porn. Short of her admitting she's not hetero or you catching her in a sexual relationship with another woman, you will never be able to identify her as bi-sexual or lesbian. 

Share your concern with her. Ask her to go porn free as a couple (she gives up hers porn watching habits and you give up yours). 

Porn choice aside.......

You didn't say how long you and your wife have been married? Did she ever show any indication of being bi-sexual or lesbian while dating? When did you start noticing her checking out other women?


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

nordicwarrior said:


> 1.she is comfortable watching in front of me and has asked me to join her.
> 
> 2.yes I have and she said that its natural for straight women to have sex with other women.
> 
> 3.when were out in public she always checks out other females.


We need more women like your wife.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

technovelist said:


> I don't want to make light of your problem, but...
> 
> Ok, I will. Many men would be very happy to have this problem!


This is a rather tactless post, unintentionally so, I hope.

The OP's first wife left him for another woman. It is not unreasonable, therefore, for him to be concerned about his current wife's interest in lesbian porn.

Moreover, just because many men fantasize about lesbian sex does not mean that its introduction into a marriage would be a healthy development. Go read the threads by husbands trying to cope with wives who are having affairs with another woman.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Your wife said that it's normal for straight women to have sex with other women . Not watch same sex porn, not fantasize about same sex scenarios. She says having sex with a women doesn't make her gay or bisexual. That's nonsense! Given this, you can safely say your wife is bisexual. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself. What is best for you is what you need to think about now. Can you accept that or not ? Being bisexual doesn't mean she will cheat . You will have to deal with the fact that she likes men and women . Can you? Do you trust her? This is a very personal choice. You have to decide. .


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

carmen ohio said:


> This is a rather tactless post, unintentionally so, I hope.
> 
> The OP's first wife left him for another woman. It is not unreasonable, therefore, for him to be concerned about his current wife's interest in lesbian porn.
> 
> Moreover, just because many men fantasize about lesbian sex does not mean that its introduction into a marriage would be a healthy development. Go read the threads by husbands trying to cope with wives who are having affairs with another woman.


Oops. I didn't see that his first wife left him for another woman. In that situation, it was indeed tactless for me to post that.

I apologize to the OP for my tactlessness. :frown2:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
women who have sex with other women are lesbian or bi - any other definition is silly.

OK so your wife is to some extent bi. Do you think she will act on her interest? Is there any way she could act on it that would be OK with you (say a threesome)?

Since she is not OK with your watching gay porn, you have every right to not be OK with her watching lesbian porn. But - in reality there isn't much you can do to stop her. Its just too easy for her to hide. 

I don't think porn is the fight / discussion you want to have. I think you need to understand her sexuality and see if there is a way you can both be happy. 

The porn is a symptom not a cause.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nordicwarrior,

Do you watch porn? If so about how often?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I agree with the others, she's definitely not straight. I'm hetero and I have no desire to be with a woman, ever; not even a kiss. I'm just not interested.

Sounds like she's a little confused about her sexuality to be honest. This confusion could lead to issues down the track.

You should make sure she understands that you would consider it cheating if she was having an affair with a woman, just like it would be if it was with a man. I know, you would think it would be obvious, but some people throw common sense away when it comes to girl on girl stuff, I have no idea why.


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

breeze said:


> I agree with the others, she's definitely not straight. I'm hetero and I have no desire to be with a woman, ever; not even a kiss. I'm just not interested.
> 
> Sounds like she's a little confused about her sexuality to be honest. This confusion could lead to issues down the track.
> 
> You should make sure she understands that you would consider it cheating if she was having an affair with a woman, just like it would be if it was with a man. I know, you would think it would be obvious, but some people throw common sense away when it comes to girl on girl stuff, I have no idea why.


OP - This is very good advice. You've discovered that your partner is not exclusively straight by attraction. There is nothing wrong with that but it is for you to work through the implications with her and feel assured that she is going to be faithful. This might not be straightforward and you should try not to project from your previous experience.

It is also up to you whether you are comfortable with her finding women attractive, even if you think she will be faithful. I'm really not sure how I'd feel about my wife having bi tendencies, especially if our sex life wasn't everything i wanted it to be. Don't let anyone make you feel these concerns are silly (bi wife - hell yes!) or are some form of homophobia - they are neither.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

Sorry about your past and being cheated on. I think at the end of the day whether someone will cheat is based more upon their self-control and moral fiber than their orientation. I look at pictures of women for visual stimulation and/or release though I would not cheat even when no strings attached opportunities arose. 

I don't agree with her that "all straight women want to be with other women" and think the general population of female Tam people have indicated this. Granted this may not be very a very scientifically sound method. Would actually appreciate feedback if anyone is experienced with the accuracy of respondents on Tam and if this would represent a normal cross section. 

Agree with others about being open and honest.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Locking thread.

OP is trolling



lifeisbetterthanalternat said:


> Sorry about your past and being cheated on. I think at the end of the day whether someone will cheat is based more upon their self-control and moral fiber than their orientation. I look at pictures of women for visual stimulation and/or release though I would not cheat even when no strings attached opportunities arose.
> 
> I don't agree with her that "all straight women want to be with other women" and think the general population of female Tam people have indicated this. Granted this may not be very a very scientifically sound method. Would actually appreciate feedback if anyone is experienced with the accuracy of respondents on Tam and if this would represent a normal cross section.
> 
> Agree with others about being open and honest.


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