# Want to explore more sexually. How do you do it comfortably?



## Tomlongisland (Feb 4, 2013)

Wife and I have been married for many years. We have had some rough patches until recently, but sex was never one of them. We both enjoy it. After we have smoothed over the emotional issues in the marriage I am enjoying sex more than ever. It really is at a new level. I really take my time with foreplay and orally will please her as well as she me. Two questions. One is I would really like to make sure my wife is enjoying it. I will ask her what so you want me to do that you really enjoy. She always responds just do what you are doing it feels good. I always feel like there is something I would want to do more and wish she was more specific. I ask her to be specific but she always says just do what you are doing. She does say she orgasms but I don't know if she is just laying back and not really enjoying it? What do you ladies think?

Also I would like to start to play with toys. We have never done this despite the many years we are married. Which one would be a good one to start and not intimadating?

Finally, I was always into very light bondage (just hand tied) but have been nervous to request that we try it. Is there a easy or again less intimadating way to work into it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just like you don't know what more you could do for her, it sounds like she does not know either. Maybe the two of you could watch some erotic porn and get ideas.

A toy? some kind of vibrator makes sense to start with.

If you like bondage, ask her to tie you up, show her how. Keep in mind that even though you like it she may not want to let you tie her up. 

I would never let anyone tie me up due to a bad experience I had a long time ago. But I did tie my husband to the bed before because he wanted to do it. Doing that to him was fun.


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## sunnysky (Feb 11, 2013)

It sounds like you didn't know the person before you got married. Was it based on sex or love.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Were I you, and I have been, I wouldn't try surprising her. You may find her tastes might not match your expectations. 

If you want to try experimenting with toys, spend some time together on a website like Adam & Eve. They have pictures, testimonials, descriptions - everything a growing boy and girl need to make a decision on what they'd like TOGETHER in the bedroom.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

sunnysky said:


> It sounds like you didn't know the person before you got married. Was it based on sex or love.


?

Don't see where this comes from.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Tom,

Rather then starting with tying her maybe start with gently holding her wrists and being a bit more aggressive (ravishing). If she seems to enjoy it then do it more often but not always. Another would be to ask if you can blindfold her. Lots of foreplay as you take advantage of, what should be, a heightened sensitivity to her other senses. The point being that your building trust in less threatening ways that she can easy end if she likes. Keep it light, without pressure and have fun!


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Lots of ways to start to explore...key is do it together. There are sex toy magazine, shops (lovers lane is our favorite), erotic how to videos. Depending on how reseptive she is you may want to start a little milder...go to one of the big chain book stores and look through their books (l loved the 356 ways to pleasure a man...didn't know there were so many ways to give a hj and bj, we tried them all). If that is still to much, get a erotic romance book and read it together in bed. Best of luck and have fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Don't forget the "safe" word with any bondage. Give her a word to say if she wants to stop, stick to it, if she says it then stop...don't try to persuade, your building trust. If she feels safe, she will be more inclined to try new things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

A good way to start with bondage is to take something soft like neck ties or tie from satin robes, tie them to bed and then you can wrap them around the wrists. This can be done lightly so it doesn't bind and is simple to release, but still gives the effect of being bound. 

As far as toys, a vibrator can be a good beginning choice. There is a wide variety to be found. My personal thoughts would be to start with one that is slim, so it is not so intimidating. This one Harmony Slim G Vibrator 7-inch - White - DJ0915-04 - A Place For Passion is a favorite for my H and I. It is smooth and slim and easy to use on each of us, as well as slim enough to slip between us in many positions for enjoyment for both of us. 

For us, books were a great place to get ideas initially. Lou Paget has written two that I really like, "How to be a great lover" and "How to give her absolute pleasure." I read through them and noted passages that were of interest to me. He then browsed through and noted portions that were of interest to him and we experimented with many different things. This started a wonderful journey of exploring and improved our communication immensely as well.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> For us, books were a great place to get ideas initially. Lou Paget has written two that I really like, "How to be a great lover" and "How to give her absolute pleasure." I read through them and noted passages that were of interest to me. He then browsed through and noted portions that were of interest to him and we experimented with many different things. This started a wonderful journey of exploring and improved our communication immensely as well.


I have done exactly the same thing with these books with very good results.


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