# Sex every day



## Frozen001 (May 31, 2012)

So been married going in 10 years and me and my wife are finally getting back to a better sex life. My wife she seems like a low drive woman but we have gotten to the point where we have sex at least 3 times a week unless here monthly visitor is here then I to nothing. I still have to initiate or ask but it happens. We have talked a lot about how I would like it every day but she often falls back in she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday... I think this falls back to back when we got married that week leading up to our honeymoon we had sex every day and bam right before we left she got a yeast infection... I cannot remember when we last had one maybe once or twice since then be it is not like a regular thing. I have told her maybe if we slowly increase the frequency her body will adjust but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown so I back off. 

When we have sex it is great and we both enjoy it but I still want to have it more frequently... but after at least 6 months of trying I feel like I have gotten nowhere.

Any thoughts? 

I can get live with it like it is but hey what is wrong with wanting to make it even better?

For those out there having sex every day did you work up to it or was it something that has always been that way?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Frozen001 said:


> So been married going in 10 years and me and my wife are finally getting back to a better sex life. My wife she seems like a low drive woman but *we have gotten to the point where we have sex at least 3 times a week* unless here monthly visitor is here then I to nothing. I still have to initiate or ask but it happens. We have talked a lot about how *I would like it every day but she often falls back in she is afraid to get an infection* if we do have it everyday... I think this falls back to back when we got married that week leading up to our honeymoon we had sex every day and bam right before we left she got a yeast infection... I cannot remember when we last had one maybe once or twice since then be it is not like a regular thing. I have told her maybe if we slowly increase the frequency her body will adjust but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown so I back off.
> 
> When we have sex it is great and we both enjoy it but I still want to have it more frequently... *but after at least 6 months of trying I feel like I have gotten nowhere.*
> 
> ...


A couple of thoughts since you asked for "any thoughts." 

First, three times a week, is more than many on this website have and many would do anything for the change at 3 times a week with their spouse. You may have exceptionally high sex drive or not. But you need to think about your glass as being half full rather than half empty.

Second, your wife is trying, although not as much as you want. Still she is trying to accommodate your needs, which is huge. Many wives give up and withdraw. You need to understand that you can not unilaterally, change your wife and her beliefs, desires and actions. It doesn't matter what you believe about UTI's, it is her mind, her body and her beliefs. Your job is to explain to her your needs, and support her if she wants to make changes. 

Good luck


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## Anon Ten (Jan 11, 2019)

At this point I'd take twice a month... Get over it.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Dude, get over it. I am willing to bet you would get bored pretty quickly with sex every day. At that point it just becomes another chore to check off the list off the "to-do" list. Instead be happy you are having sex as often as you do. And enjoy the little surprises of 2-3 days in a row or 4-5 times a week when they happen. Otherwise, you are just being greedy. You married this woman now make the effort to meet her half way, the same way she has made the effort to meet you.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Practice gratitude. Seriously


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Marriage is all about compromise, and 3 times a week is more than reasonable. You need to accept that just because you want sex every day, she doesn't, and for her having sex every day would not make it 'even better,' as you claim it would. 

Be thankful for what you have.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

If I thought about it I would guess we have sex 5 times a week on average lately. Here's my one thing I will tell you. If your hounding your wife for more and more when you're getting 3 times a week you will probably end up getting less eventually. If you want more focus on making yourself as attractive as possible to her, and making sure she is in a state of mind where she is definitely in the mood. If you get her to just do it more because you want to she will likely go the other way and enjoy it less and less and eventually start turning you down more often. 

Never beg for sex and don't bring up wanting it more or acting upset or disappointed when she's not in the mood if your getting it regularly.


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## Anon Ten (Jan 11, 2019)

happyhusband0005 said:


> If I thought about it I would guess we have sex 5 times a week on average lately. Here's my one thing I will tell you. If your hounding your wife for more and more when you're getting 3 times a week you will probably end up getting less eventually. If you want more focus on making yourself as attractive as possible to her, and making sure she is in a state of mind where she is definitely in the mood. If you get her to just do it more because you want to she will likely go the other way and enjoy it less and less and eventually start turning you down more often.
> 
> Never beg for sex and don't bring up wanting it more or acting upset or disappointed when she's not in the mood if your getting it regularly.


What he said.

I definitely ****ed this up.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> If I thought about it I would guess we have sex 5 times a week on average lately. Here's my one thing I will tell you. If your hounding your wife for more and more when you're getting 3 times a week you will probably end up getting less eventually. If you want more focus on making yourself as attractive as possible to her, and making sure she is in a state of mind where she is definitely in the mood. If you get her to just do it more because you want to she will likely go the other way and enjoy it less and less and eventually start turning you down more often.
> 
> Never beg for sex and don't bring up wanting it more or acting upset or disappointed when she's not in the mood if your getting it regularly.


I agree with this post. However, FYI: 'honeymoon cystitis' is common after marriage (lots of sex--more than usual) and can be prevented, treated.

OTOH, if you become skilled with your lovemaking, rewards usually follow.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

You should only think about increasing the frequency if she was also initiating. As it is, it sounds like she may be indifferent. If you never initiated, how long would it be before she indicated she would want to? 

From what you describe, I actually think you may be at the beginning stage of frequency going down. If her schedule got stressful or she got upset with you, I could see her pulling back like is commonly seen in marriages. I think you should be working on what you have now to make sure she enjoys it and the closeness it brings. That doesn't necessarily mean focusing just on her orgasm. Maybe she wants things more tender and loving. Try to increase the non-sexual intimacy outside the bedroom so she always feels that you have a strong emotional connection. Make sure that your day-to-day relationship has a lot of emotional closeness so she will be more open and welcoming of sexual intimacy.

I definitely think that if you try to push hard for more frequency, you could end up killing her desire completely in ways that would be hard to recover from. Often, it can come across that you only want her for sex, which can do a lot of damage to how she thinks of you and your relationship. Instead, try to focus on making her feel more loved and she'll feel that the sex is an extension of that.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

FYI everyone, he said yeast infection, not UTI.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Your getting sex three times a week and your complaining? Seriously dude get over it before you stuff up a good wicket.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You live on porn sites every day, don't you?

You have already destroyed your sex life. You might not notice it very soon, but you have planted the seeds of resentment in your wife, and you're going to reap what you sow. And you're not going to like it one bit. You'll be back here one day complaining that you used to get sex three times a week but that has turned into barely any at all.


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## Frozen001 (May 31, 2012)

Well thank to those who offered advice. Pretty much going to see what happens and work on improving more on other areas.

An for those who make assumptions like I am a porn fiend you could not be farther than the truth. I have not looked at porn in years probably before I even met my wife and when I did I was pretty much not really into it. I am more of a real thing kinda guy. My wife is the only one who gets me going.

Mind you I am just trying to get back to where we were before kids where it was greater than 3 days a week. (Not every day but most days like may be 2 lot 3 days in a row or then a day off, or maybe twice in a day ... etc) For you cynics who say be happy with what I have or I am lucky... sorry it is my life and I live it my way and if I want more I have every right to get there.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

StarFires said:


> You live on porn sites every day, don't you?
> 
> You have already destroyed your sex life. You might not notice it very soon, but you have planted the seeds of resentment in your wife, and you're going to reap what you sow. And you're not going to like it one bit. You'll be back here one day complaining that you used to get sex three times a week but that has turned into barely any at all.


I wish I was as sure about anything as you are about everything. 
Where did the op mention porn?
You are like the worst type of teacher,you can’t actually teach anything only deride someone asking for advice. 
And you are quick to take offense if someone has the audacity to call you out on your meaningless drivel. 
Projecting much?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Frozen001 said:


> Well thank to those who offered advice. Pretty much going to see what happens and work on improving more on other areas.
> 
> An for those who make assumptions like I am a porn fiend you could not be farther than the truth. I have not looked at porn in years probably before I even met my wife and when I did I was pretty much not really into it. I am more of a real thing kinda guy. My wife is the only one who gets me going.
> 
> ...


No you don't have 'every right' to get there or to get more sex, what an utterly selfish statement. You have a wife and if you love her, you will think of her and put her first and always compromise. 
Few relationships will carry on with the same amount of sex they had in the early days, before children, before things calmed down, that's life. 

If you didn't want to hear different answers then why post here?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's interesting to me that you assume that if more is better for you then it will be better for her too.

Or have you considered what's better for her?

There's an awful lot of me and I want in your posts.

Marriage is about both of your needs, not just yours. 

What if every day means less enjoyment for her? 

Just something to think about.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> It's interesting to me that you assume that if more is better for you then it will be better for her too.
> 
> Or have you considered what's better for her?
> 
> ...


 Yes, its all about me me me. :frown2:


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## Frozen001 (May 31, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> No you don't have 'every right' to get there or to get more sex, what an utterly selfish statement.



How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.

I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.



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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Frozen001 said:


> Well thank to those who offered advice. Pretty much going to see what happens and work on improving more on other areas.
> 
> An for those who make assumptions like I am a porn fiend you could not be farther than the truth. I have not looked at porn in years probably before I even met my wife and when I did I was pretty much not really into it. I am more of a real thing kinda guy. My wife is the only one who gets me going.
> 
> ...


Dude, no one ever said that you don't have the right to live your life your way. But, you did marry this woman and it appears as though this woman is at least willing to compromise with you. So the advice given is given to you by others who have been in situations that have been a lot less satisfying than yours and that is to be happy with what you have. When you got married, you committed yourself to compromising what you want anyways. If you really wanted to live your life as you see fit, perhaps you never should have gotten married in the first place. At the very least you need to understand that there are tradeoffs in every choice you make. So the tradeoff for marriage and children and family with this woman might be only having sex 3 times a week rather than everyday (which many would see becoming a chore anyways, apparently even your wife)


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well if your wife is on board what's the issue?

Just consider whether she's really on board or doesn't want to argue. 

If it's the former you should be good.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Frozen001 said:


> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.


But you already lean on the more frequent side of having sex and refuse to understand that. In this case the perfect is the enemy of the good.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Frozen001 said:


> How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.
> 
> ...


I have sex every day with my wife.
She initiates as often as I do and the reason is very simple.
I try to be the best lover I can be,I always make sure she orgasms before me and multiple times if possible.
If you want her to crave you then you need to make yourself very desirable.
Can you do that?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Ynot said:


> But you already lean on the more frequent side of having sex and refuse to understand that. In this case the perfect is the enemy of the good.


Lean? He is swimming in it.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I might cautiously recommend you read "Married Man's Sex Life Primer" and "Mating in Captivity". I say cautiously because you shouldn't look at them like instruction books. If you have the expectation that if you X it will always lead to Y, then they could make things worse. Rather, it can give you some insight on ways to make your relationship more of a sexual one. Once kids are in the picture, it's easy to let things slide into a comfortable state that doesn't necessarily lend itself to a passionate sex life. If you can keep the fires stoked, it can prevent that from happening.

One other bit of advice is to think very long term for any improvements. Chances are she'll be more comfortable if things change slowly and at her pace. When guys start pushing too hard or have too many expectations that it can really kill desire.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Frozen001 said:


> How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.
> 
> ...


That was the way you came across, that you have a 'right' to have sex every day. No one has a right to do anything. Its all about compromise, loving each other and putting the other first. Be thankful for what you have instead of always wanting more. 
Do you have children?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Frozen001 said:


> How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.
> 
> ...



You ARE on the more frequent side. My main concern is that given she is "working on it" that you are going to lose a good thing by pushing for more.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

When you say that a man is selfish if he doesn't put his wife before his own needs, there is a contradiction of logic.
When you say that women are repressed and say that men have to compromise their desires to match their wives there is a contradiction of logic.

So I am perfectly willing to put my wifes desires, first in line behind mine. Every human interaction is an exercise in balancing self interests. Selfishness is Human.
Every person has the right to decide what to accept in a relationship. Your resources are to compromise, or leave. 

As for practical advice to @Frozen001 , a down turn in libedo after child birth is pretty common. A down turn in sexual activity when you have preschoolers in the home is pretty common. To ensure that the rebound you desire occurs it is important that you maintain the emotional strength of the relationship through these times. But there is no guarantee that it will work. There are just too many drive killers out there.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

As to the frequent side I suggest referencing the recent poll in the ladies lounge. From that it appears that 90% of people want daily sex and 90% of people don't get it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> As to the frequent side I suggest referencing the recent poll in the ladies lounge. From that it appears that 90% of people want daily sex and 90% of people don't get it.


His WIFE has to work on getting there. Who cares what the other 90% of people say.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Frozen001 said:


> we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it


1. she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday
2. we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
3. but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown 

These are all the ways your wife has told you she doesn't want to be a part of improving it. She doesn't want to have sex more frequently. The mistake you are making is not listening to her. Because she doesn't come right out and say it in those exact words, you think she hasn't said it. But so far, you gave us three ways that she has told you. Women are often reticent to speak our minds. When feeling pressured, we say what seems the most innocuous and charitable to prevent hurting your feelings, we say the most innocent that comes to mind to prevent being judged (afraid of infection), we say the easiest thing that will put an end to the conversation (she's working on it), or we engage the Scarlet O'Hara effect, which is when you put off dealing with something until a later time (also she's working on it). And sometimes we get annoyed and shut down so you will stop pressuring.

So, I know it can be difficult for guys to pick up on those signals and because you're not familiar with the signals, you don't know what they mean and just keep pressuring. After receiving constant pressure over time, we become more emboldened because we recognize we weren't being heard all those other times, so your wife might get to a point down the line where she will feel more courageous and start saying no. Or, perhaps she'll start complaining that you ask so much or that you talk about it so much. 




Frozen001 said:


> it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here


That's what I'm trying to tell you - she is saying no. 

And here are all the ways you're pouting like baby in the form of pressure:

1. We have talked *a lot* about how I would like it every day 

2. I have told her maybe if we slowly increase the frequency her body will adjust 

3. but after at least 6 months of trying I feel like I have gotten nowhere

4. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one . . . it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one

You needn't have taken offense to what we told you here. I thought you probably watch a lot of porn because women on this board or other boards complain their husband doesn't want sex and ignores them because he lives on porn or that he wants sex all the time because he lives on porn. You having sex three times a week, pressuring your her for more, and coming to a public board for suggestions to convince your wife to have sex with you every day makes you fit the profile. Okay, I was wrong about that since you say you don't watch porn.

I also stated you have destroyed your sex life. That doesn't make me cynical. It makes me able to read the signs as I laid them out to you above. There is and has always existed a communication gap between the sexes, and much of the reason for it is that we women don't speak our minds plainly, and men take us for what we say, not for what we mean by what we say. All the while, she's telling you how she feels on the subject, but you don't know how to translate her words, at least not until I'm telling you now. Because you have not heard her and translated her signals, she is becoming more and more resentful because she views these discussions as pressure, and that pressure makes think you only view her as an object for sex. And if you don't believe me, then think about the things she has stated:

1. Lots of women get yeast infections, and your wife has had more than one. Were they each caused by having sex every day like she thinks caused the first one? A woman can get a yeast infection from sex only once in a week or once in a month or once in a year. But they can be caused by regular sexual activity, which means she can also get one by having sex three times a week. And sex isn't the only thing that causes them. She can get one by oral sex, by some medications particularly antibiotics, by sugary foods, illness, stress (like caused by pressure), and a host of other things.

2. What is there to work on? If she wanted sex every day, would she have to work on wanting it? It sounds like she's trying to convince herself and talk herself into wanting it, which means she doesn't want it. Or, she says that to get you off her back about it.

3. If she wants sex every day, what is there to get annoyed about? She wouldn't shut down if she wanted to have sex every day. She wouldn't shut down if she enjoyed you pressuring her and didn't mind the conversations about it.

I've written this as plainly as I possibly can so you can get the message and not have to try to translate or decipher what I'm trying to explain. I'm saying again that you're destroying your sex life because there will a point where your wife will get fed up and not want to have sex with you at all. This is the way it goes, you're making the same mistake many guys have made and then don't understand why they can't get their wife to have sex with them. And the few times that they can, their new complaint becomes she's not into it and they can only get pity sex and starfish sex. Join their ranks, or listen to what we are telling you. The choice is yours. Because marriage is a compromise, as others have stated, you should be more considerate of your wife. The bottom line is if she wanted sex every day, you and she would be having sex every day. The compromise is this middle ground that is comfortable for her between once a week (or none at all) and every day. She's compromising with you already. You're not considering her feelings and you're not being grateful enough or considerate enough to concede to the compromise of three times a week, instead of pressuring her for more.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> Lean? He is swimming in it.





NobodySpecial said:


> His WIFE has to work on getting there. Who cares what the other 90% of people say.


Does not match.

Sure the average or even the average of online marriage forum posters willing to answer the poll, has nothing to do with the OP's situation. I'm assuming quite a bit on 2 posts but 10 years and children usually means preschoolers and lots of extra parental burden. Some parents substitute child care for marriage building and maintenance. Some Couples just can't find enough time to do everything they want to. Some couples re energize by sexual activity with their spouse, sometimes interrupted by tiny knocks on the bedroom door. I don't know where Frozen is on this.

I think it is wonderful that you think his wife has to work on getting there. I think she is having some difficulty getting back there. And a huge number of things could be causing that trouble. Frozen can do some things to help some of the problems. He can up his attraction game. He can take action to reduce her stress. He can arrange dates and baby sitters. But there are also some things he can't do much about. If it's hormonal, nada. If her Family of origin traditions are for parents to lower sex during child rearing , Nada. Not A Damn thing he can do about it but weather the storm. And don't let it die.

Now the yeast infection thing . . . A doctor could suggest a better management regimen.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Frozen001 said:


> How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.
> 
> ...


Ok. Mrs. Conan and I are into our 28th year together and she can go daily as well as being willing. I'm very HD and can go several times a day, every day so we do compromise because her body simply can't take as much sex as I desire.

We are down a bit from when we started out but there were seasons where it was feast or famine just because of life.

Each marriage is unique so I don't know your particulars.

We are fitness fanatics so are in pretty tip top shape and I pour my everything in to my wife.

I read to her, watch Jane Austen movies and other chick flicks, make the majority of the income, I do most of the cooking and she cleans up.

We have a good partnership and she feels supported as well as loved.

Our slow down might have been around the 10 year mark but bitter church ladies were interfering.

I will say your wife needs to feel like you are on the same page, that you have her back and hopefully she is mature enough to reciprocate.

Her getting annoyed isn't a good indicator. It means you both need better communication because she might not be feeling close to you or appreciated.

Mrs. Conan would mow people down like weeds if she thought they were harming me and vice versa.

There is no question about the absolute commitment and devotion we have for each other.

We also have a lot of sex and mostly always have.

If things are good between you, having trust, love, partnership and some adventure/fun thrown in often, sex has never been a problem.

We would go several times a day, every day for the first year or so and have had times when it slowed to 4-6 times a week when the kids were running all over the place until now where we are almost daily if circumstances permit.

Communication, you really hearing and understand her as well as helping her feel she is being heard, is key.

Constant innuendo, love talk and being positive with each other helps as well.

Best wishes.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> I wish I was as sure about anything as you are about everything.
> Where did the op mention porn?
> You are like the worst type of teacher,you can’t actually teach anything only deride someone asking for advice.
> And you are quick to take offense if someone has the audacity to call you out on your meaningless drivel.
> Projecting much?


Oh my, knickers twisted. Oh well.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

StarFires said:


> Oh my, knickers twisted. Oh well.


As I said earlier.
Meaningless drivel.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> As I said earlier.
> Meaningless drivel.


I will ask you not to say anything else to me. I don't care to be harassed by you any more. Thank you very much.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

StarFires said:


> I will ask you not to say anything else to me. I don't care to be harassed by you any more. Thank you very much.


You are well capable of dishing out your own form of harassment but like a lot of bullies you can’t take it when someone does it to you.
If you don’t want to read my posts then hit the ignore button.
I’m sure you can figure out where it is.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

StarFires said:


> 1. she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday
> 2. we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 3. but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown
> 
> ...




Good post. I wish more of your posts were as thoughtful and respectful as this one. 


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Good post. I wish more of your posts were as thoughtful and respectful as this one.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I agree. She has a lot to offer if she could temper herself and restrain unwarranted sarcasm or criticism.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Good post. I wish more of your posts were as thoughtful and respectful as this one.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You liked his nasty comments to me, so your message here is not very well hidden. It's just your sly way of insulting me. You think you saw some posts of mine that you didn't like, but you obviously haven't seen very many of them because the far greater number are exactly like this one. Or maybe you have seen more and just thought you would choose this one to be passive aggressive. Either way, no thanks.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I wish I was as sure about anything as you are about everything.
> Where did the op mention porn?
> You are like the worst type of teacher,you can’t actually teach anything only deride someone asking for advice.
> And you are quick to take offense if someone has the audacity to call you out on your meaningless drivel.
> Projecting much?


People speculate about the backstory all the time. WHat's got your knickers in a twist? She is trying to give the poster advice.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

StarFires said:


> You liked his nasty comments to me, so your message here is not very well hidden. It's just your sly way of insulting me. You think you saw some posts of mine that you didn't like, but you obviously haven't seen very many of them because the far greater number are exactly like this one. Or maybe you have seen more and just thought you would choose this one to be passive aggressive. Either way, no thanks.




Sorry...I do not follow you around the boards so I can’t give you statistics. I have just witnessed many of your threads lately that come across harshly and with little to zero help to offer to the posters. You are very adept at staying within the lines of not being banned, which is why this thoughtful and kind post of yours caught me off guard. I felt it worthy of applauding you. 

You know, sometimes it helps taking a break from TAM if you find yourself in a constant state of being triggered. Many posters often ask for a ban to assist in this matter. No one here is making a personal attack at you so you might want to consider what some are trying to tell you. I think you have some good and sound advice to give, when you are in the state to give it. 

Said with love. 

End of T/J

Edit: one...little...word. lol 


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Sorry...I do not follow you around the boards so I can’t give you statistics. I have just witnessed many of your threads lately that come across harshly and with little to zero help to offer to the posters. You are very adept at staying within the lines of not being banned, which is why this thoughtful and kind post of yours caught me off guard. I felt it worthy of applauding you.
> 
> You know, sometimes it helps taking a break from TAM if you find yourself in a constant state of being triggered. Many posters often ask for a ban to assist in this matter. No one here is making a personal attack at you so you might want to consider what some are trying to tell you. I think you have some good and sound advice to give, when you are in the state to give it.
> 
> ...


I'm not adept at staying within the lines of banishment because I don't even understand the double talk. To be told I said something a certain way in response to someone addressing me in the same manner with nothing told to them is beyond confusing. That is what you are defending. You liked an extremely rude personal attack on me and are now telling me it never happened "No one here is making a personal attack at you." You said nothing to him and liked his post. So again, no thank you. If you wanted to be helpful, you would have sent me a message or at least would not deny to me what obviously did occur that you saw and made your appreciation known. What else didn't happen that people experienced or saw with their own eyes? No astronauts on the moon? No holocaust? TAM is not an internet presence, it's just my imagination too?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Ynot said:


> But you already lean on the more frequent side of having sex and refuse to understand that. In this case the perfect is the enemy of the good.


Even after having been with my wife for close to 23 years, I wouldn't call 3x a week frequent. To me that would be akin to starving in a drought.

As I understand it 3x a week is the average, so his is a middling amount.

I figure frequent is more along the lines 5x a week or more.

Oh well some Google searching has proven me wrong.

All I can say is, it sux to be them. That said being them, probably plays a significant factor in sharing such paltry frequency.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> That was the way you came across, that you have a 'right' to have sex every day. No one has a right to do anything. Its all about compromise, loving each other and putting the other first. Be thankful for what you have instead of always wanting more.
> Do you have children?


Hmmm, so if he puts his wife first he will have less sex than 3x a week. While if his wife puts him first he will have sex everyday each week. any compromise would see a situation where one or both are not putting the other first.

Glib statements on putting the each other first, immediately fall apart in the face of one, or both reaching a compromise or both not compromising at all.

At the end of the day mutual compromise sees a situation where neither can really put the other first. While if one chooses to compromise alone, the other by default certainly can't put the other first either.

Such suggestions though often proffered, are for the most part worthless for they ignore reality.

Compromise in relationships can often be very helpful. Yet it is a misnomer to conflate the goal of putting another first, with the goal of seeking compromise.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

StarFires said:


> I've written this as plainly as I possibly can so you can get the message and not have to try to translate or decipher what I'm trying to explain. I'm saying again that you're destroying your sex life because there will a point where your wife will get fed up and not want to have sex with you at all. This is the way it goes, you're making the same mistake many guys have made and then don't understand why they can't get their wife to have sex with them. And the few times that they can, their new complaint becomes she's not into it and they can only get pity sex and starfish sex. Join their ranks, or listen to what we are telling you. The choice is yours. Because marriage is a compromise, as others have stated, you should be more considerate of your wife. The bottom line is if she wanted sex every day, you and she would be having sex every day. The compromise is this middle ground that is comfortable for her between once a week (or none at all) and every day. She's compromising with you already. You're not considering her feelings and you're not being grateful enough or considerate enough to concede to the compromise of three times a week, instead of pressuring her for more.


Indeed.

@Frozen001 if the compromise which your wife has reached with you, isn't enough to satiate your wants and she isn't willing to share more with you. Then the reality is the only way you are going to get those desires met, is by being with another woman or other women. Either after separating pending a divorce and or getting a divorce. Or on the side through sexual infidelity, if you're fine with doing it that way.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > I wish I was as sure about anything as you are about everything.
> ...


This poster has a history of rude,aggressive posting. She may occasionally have something helpful to say but normally she justs tries to verbally batter her victims into submission. 
By the way my knickers are just fine,thanks for inquiring.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> Even after having been with my wife for close to 23 years, I wouldn't call 3x a week frequent. To me that would be akin to starving in a drought.
> 
> As I understand it 3x a week is the average, so his is a middling amount.
> 
> ...


I am a very sexual person. But if I was being pressured for that much ... if my husband "needed" sex every freaking day lest he starve, I would be pretty unhappy. Different perspective.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I am ok with sex every 2-3 days though it's often every day or more, if we are on holidays. There used to be a short-ish period when she didn't seem that interested after giving birth and then generally less interested while she was breastfeeding (plus she said her clit lost some sensations). We compromised. But I am not going to lie, more than 3 days without was not great. Especially since I found her even more attractive while pregnant and just after birth. It's basically like having your favourite dish in front of your nose and you can't eat it...

We did have some fights/discussions at the time but figured it out. I would have found it difficult if she just told me that 'I am not going to participate in your pity parties' or whatever. Actually I would never be married to a woman where I felt there was potential to talk like this. Or if I ended up with someone like this, it's unlikely I could remain. I don't think it's a nice thing to say. I guess or hope that perhaps the message wasn't delivered in the manner presented here...But either way, there's always some give and take in the relationship and it's not just with sex. Plus you need the dialogue. Provided that underneath it, you actually find each other attractive.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> I am a very sexual person. But if I was being pressured for that much ... if my husband "needed" sex every freaking day lest he starve, I would be pretty unhappy. Different perspective.


I'm also a very sexual person, and I certainly don't have sex every day. With 4-6x a week being the norm for us, while we sometimes go up to 8-9x a week now and then.

That said I wouldn't consider not having sex everyday of the week starving in a drought (which is not what I wrote), yet I do think 3x a week is akin to exactly that.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> I'm also a very sexual person, and I certainly don't have sex every day. With 4-6x a week being the norm for us, while we sometimes go up to 8-9x a week now and then.
> 
> That said I wouldn't consider not having sex everyday of the week starving in a drought (which is not what I wrote), yet I do think 3x a week is akin to exactly that.


Your wife is down with this, so that is cool. It would not work for me. Not just the frequency but the fact that you can't ... well feed yourself from time to time I guess.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Frozen001 said:


> Any thoughts?
> 
> I can get live with it like it is but hey what is wrong with wanting to make it even better?



When it's at the expense of your wife's comfort , there is a lot wrong with it.

If Frozen001 doesn't cool it it, his wife will be the one with the big freeze.

Putting pressure on her is a huge turn off and get you the opposite of what your looking for. Wouldn't you want her to be engaged and wanting instead of just submitting?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Personal said:


> I'm also a very sexual person, and I certainly don't have sex every day. With 4-6x a week being the norm for us, while we sometimes go up to 8-9x a week now and then.
> 
> That said I wouldn't consider not having sex everyday of the week starving in a drought (which is not what I wrote), yet I do think 3x a week is akin to exactly that.


Sounds like my life. Bravo! This whole notion of "normal" amount of sex is complete garbage. 
One of my MCs asked me "How many times a week do you need sex?" I said "6-7"
The MC said "That's not normal or reasonable." All the while my wife was out banging dudes left and right. Acting like my sex drive was the problem. 
I never back....


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Your wife is down with this, so that is cool. It would not work for me. Not just the frequency but the fact that you can't ... well feed yourself from time to time I guess.


Can't is a misnomer, when one can readily choose to have sex with others.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> Can't is a misnomer, when one can readily choose to have sex with others.


I mean, it works for your wife, so rock it. But I hope you recognize that that position would not be a winning one for most people who wants to stay married. I would escort you to the door!


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

My opinion, from being married to a wife that hasn't basically bonked more than once in a week since year 2 of marriage with a few exceptions. There were a handful of times around peri-menopause where she'd need it several days consecutively, and a few scattered months in the period after a big blowup on the whole issue where she got it in her mind to 'test me'. That didn't last, fun at the time though. 

I'd ask her directly if she feels pressured, those words. Do you feel pressured to have sex? If she does, it will not end well unless you hear it and modify your behavior. 

What do you think ladies? Would the average women who feels pressured admit to it when asked directly?

And, BTW. Starfires post was excellent, read it again.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> I would escort you to the door!



Bedroom door? I prefer it when people are more specific.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> I mean, it works for your wife, so rock it. But I hope you recognize that that position would not be a winning one for most people who wants to stay married. I would escort you to the door!


I have enjoyed sharing a long, happy and rather splendid marriage with my wife, without having the problems that seem to afflict many others.

That success is no accident.

As to most people. I'm not interested in winning, when it looks a lot like inflicting misery upon each other.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> I have enjoyed sharing a long, happy and rather splendid marriage with my wife, without having the problems that seem to afflict many others.
> 
> That success is no accident.
> 
> As to most people. I'm not interested in winning, when it looks a lot like inflicting misery upon each other.


That's great! I hope your advice does not posit that others are in the same situation you are. That's all.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Frozen001 said:


> So been married going in 10 years and me and my wife are finally getting back to a better sex life. My wife she seems like a low drive woman but we have gotten to the point where we have sex at least 3 times a week unless here monthly visitor is here then I to nothing. I still have to initiate or ask but it happens. We have talked a lot about how I would like it every day but she often falls back in she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday... I think this falls back to back when we got married that week leading up to our honeymoon we had sex every day and bam right before we left she got a yeast infection... I cannot remember when we last had one maybe once or twice since then be it is not like a regular thing. I have told her maybe if we slowly increase the frequency her body will adjust but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown so I back off.
> 
> When we have sex it is great and we both enjoy it but I still want to have it more frequently... but after at least 6 months of trying I feel like I have gotten nowhere.
> 
> ...


Shouldn't there be a happy medium? Three times a week is pretty good. 
If you were the one having to suffer with UTIs you may not be so frisky, they are awful and painful. Imagine thinking you want to pee every second, but there's nothing but pressure there and pain when you do. 

YOu come across as a bit of a selfish jerk to be honest, it's all about what you want, not what you wife wants or how it affects her. YOu want to make it better, better for whom exactly? Oh I forgot YOU!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Livvie said:


> FYI everyone, he said yeast infection, not UTI.


No less painful and irritating.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

aine said:


> Shouldn't there be a happy medium? Three times a week is pretty good.
> If you were the one having to suffer with UTIs you may not be so frisky, they are awful and painful. Imagine thinking you want to pee every second, but there's nothing but pressure there and pain when you do.
> 
> YOu come across as a bit of a selfish jerk to be honest, it's all about what you want, not what you wife wants or how it affects her. YOu want to make it better, better for whom exactly? Oh I forgot YOU!


It does read that way. That's why what looks like the well if you aren't getting laid enough there are other women out there advice seems weird on this thread.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

aine said:


> No less painful and irritating.



I found them MORE awful.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> It does read that way. That's why what looks like the well if you aren't getting laid enough there are other women out there advice seems weird on this thread.


But isn't that usually always the sage 'go to' advice on this forum. If she is not giving it up, then look elsewhere, 'get another woman' ' go see a prostitute,' etc. TBH sounds like a pack of teenagers, not supposedly sensible married men, some long term too. 

Perhaps the OP's wife should get rid of the OP and find a man who is more sexually compatible and one she will not end up resenting. Perhaps the females on TAM should start dishing out this type of advise in such scenarios.:scratchhead:
But then again it wouldn't be very helpful or sensible. Go figure............:slap:


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

OP: PM for some info on yeast infections and BV and how they stopped ruining my life.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

One thing I think is confusing to men is that women don't enjoy sex in the same sort of physical way as as men do. That is, for men it is much more about the pleasurable sensations from the activated nerve endings and much less about the emotional aspect. For men, the enjoyment of sex is much closer to the enjoyment of getting a massage or laying out in the sun--they are enjoyable experiences in their own right. They don't have to be in a certain emotional state or have their head in the right place to enjoy it. So to men, it's easy to think it would be better to have it more often. If they think of it like getting massages more often or laying out on the beach more often, who wouldn't want more of that?

But women generally are more complicated when it comes to sex. While few women would turn down regular foot massages on a daily basis, that same kind of simple enjoyment doesn't translate to sex. 

An analogy might be making a full holiday dinner. When it's once in a while, it can be very enjoyable and the cook will look forward to it and have many fond memories of it. But if the diners saw that happiness and then pressured the cook to make a big holiday dinner every day, the cook would likely not have the same enjoyment and would build a lot of resentment. The cook might even give up cooking altogether because they have lost all enjoyment of it.

Of course, not all women are the same and some women desire sex on a frequent basis. But in the relationships where that's not the case, a man shouldn't just assume that since he would enjoy sex more the same is true for a woman. It might actually be the reverse--where she would enjoy sex more if it happened less.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Frozen001 said:


> *How is it selfish to want to improve something*... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.
> 
> ...


I see nothing wrong with looking at your relationship, how it was in the past, and trying to keep it fresh/exciting going forward. I also don't think it is fair for some of the folks here to criticize you for wanting sex more just b/c you already get more sex than they do. I get as well how sex brings you closer to your W, I am the same way. However, per the bolded, I think this may in part be where the issue is. In your opinion, having sex more frequently (every day) would be an improvement. However, what if that is not an improvement for your W? Maybe that is the question you need to ask yourself. If it is something she does not desire daily, and something that from her POV would add little if any improvement (if anything, it may have a negative effect on her), why would she want to do? Also, is there some sort of middle ground / compromise? It is hard to say, as it sounds like you want sex daily and are trying to figure out how to get your W on board.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

wilson said:


> One thing I think is confusing to men is that women don't enjoy sex in the same sort of physical way as as men do. That is, for men it is much more about the pleasurable sensations from the activated nerve endings and much less about the emotional aspect.


That is REALLY hard to wrap one's head around when the fleshlight or whatever does not seem to be enough.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> That's great! I hope your advice does not posit that others are in the same situation you are. That's all.


If others were in my situation, they wouldn't have such problems.

Which is why all of my advice like the following to others. Which in part has plenty of stuff that may help @Frozen001 (which is why I posted it), has never posited what you hope I don't do.



Personal said:


> Having never experienced a sexless or limited sex sexual relationship (because I don't behave like the people who do), I've never thought any of my sexual partners would want to willingly love and please me, just because they are in a sexual relationship with me. It's that kind of lazy thinking and presumed entitlement, that sees so many people have sexless or near sexless sexual relationships in the longer term.
> 
> Love is one thing sex is another.
> 
> ...





Personal said:


> Sexual compatibility is a significant issue as well, just as his breach of your privacy and trust is significant as well. Now the former is certainly not responsible for his latter actions and certainly doesn't diminish them. Yet there is some connection to this with how he responds to the former which also drives some of the latter.
> 
> When it comes to sexual incompatibility some people don't humour the differences, and mutually or unilaterally end their sexual relationships quickly instead of continuing to keep investing in that which doesn't work.
> 
> ...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

wilson said:


> One thing I think is confusing to men is that women don't enjoy sex in the same sort of physical way as as men do. That is, for men it is much more about the pleasurable sensations from the activated nerve endings and much less about the emotional aspect. For men, the enjoyment of sex is much closer to the enjoyment of getting a massage or laying out in the sun--they are enjoyable experiences in their own right. They don't have to be in a certain emotional state or have their head in the right place to enjoy it. So to men, it's easy to think it would be better to have it more often. If they think of it like getting massages more often or laying out on the beach more often, who wouldn't want more of that?
> 
> But women generally are more complicated when it comes to sex. While few women would turn down regular foot massages on a daily basis, that same kind of simple enjoyment doesn't translate to sex.


And add to that the anatomical aspect. Friction-activated nerve endings are not anything women experience. We respond to pressure, fast for some but slower and lingering for others. Not knowing that and not knowing about those pressure zones, a guy thinks she's enjoying it just because he's in there and it feels good to him. Lots of men eventually learn about that but some don't and are clueless as to how to please a woman and perplexed as to why sex is a take it or leave it proposition. The most complicating factor is that it's complicated for women on more than one front - both the emotional and anatomical components.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

aine said:


> But isn't that usually always the sage 'go to' advice on this forum. If she is not giving it up, then look elsewhere, 'get another woman' ' go see a prostitute,' etc.


That is the end point of the process, not the beginning.
The standard advice for men is to start by improving yourself. Hit the gym. Watch what you eat. Lose weight. Build muscle. Dress nicely. Pay attention to grooming. Try that for a while and see if she responds positively.
It also help to address the emotional side. Help around the house. Talk to her more. Take her on date nights. See if that, in combination with improving yourself, results in her responding positively.
If not, have "the talk" about sex. Not being willing to stay forever in a sexually unsatisfying relationship. That you want your relationship to be with her, but if sex with you is that painful or unpleasant or bothersome, then you will stop being a burden to her and find someone who enjoys sex with you.
Only have the talk once. If you work on yourself and don't take her presence for granted and have the talk, and 3 to 6 months later the sex is still infrequent and unsatisfying (and there is no treatable medical issue and no untreated rape, abuse, etc. - medical or trauma / PTSD issues would justify a slightly longer waiting period for them to be addressed before calling it quits), THEN the guy ought to cut his losses and leave.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> That is REALLY hard to wrap one's head around when the fleshlight or whatever does not seem to be enough.


Bingo. Just as women on this site are quick to point out that many of the stereotypical preconceptions about women and sex are largely false, here’s a perfect example of one such oversimplistic preconception about men.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

@Frozen001

I answered you earlier specifically to your enquiry because Mrs. Conan and I fit the parameters of your question.

I will say that 3 times a week, 10 years in and with kids is fairly healthy.

I'm about improving your marriage in every aspect.

Hopefully you are looking at improving your marriage as a whole, all aspects as well as sex frequency and hopefully quality for her as well as you.

Maybe you can find unselfish ways to find out more about her interests in sex as well as other items.

By unselfish, I mean for you to be totally giving, putting out effort just for her benefit.

Have you ever loved her entire body with your hands and mouth while she just relaxed and enjoyed the attention?

If not, you should try it occasionally, putting off your own gratification. It is a great exercise in self control, promotes personal growth and really makes your wife feel wonderful.

How many times do you think your wife has had sex with you because she loves you but wasn't in the mood and maybe didn't get a lot out of it? Not saying I know what is going on but odds are, she has satisfied you without getting much for herself a time or two just because she loves you.

Learning to give without receiving, as a man, does pretty miraculous things in a marriage including a more robust sex life.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

wilson said:


> Of course, not all women are the same and some women desire sex on a frequent basis. But in the relationships where that's not the case, a man shouldn't just assume that since he would enjoy sex more the same is true for a woman. It might actually be the reverse--where she would enjoy sex more if it happened less.


I hadn't read down to this part of your post and glad I finally did because it makes so much sense and reminds me of my first marriage. I remember telling him once "You don't give me time to want to." I enjoyed sex so much more after divorce. One reason, of course, was having boyfriends who were more experienced, but also because there was no pressure, so no anxiety from expectations. There was time for me to want sex, and there was time for me to want to be wanted and enjoy being desired, as opposed to feeling I was someone's convenience and they were taking advantage. I bet this OP's wife is going through a sundry of emotions, some of which she doesn't understand and some she's ashamed of having and probably feeling inadequate. And there's the element of fear in that she's afraid to admit to herself that she's sick of him. That feeling alone can be fearful when she really loves and wants her marriage and family but feels trapped at the same time.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

aine said:


> But isn't that usually always the sage 'go to' advice on this forum. If she is not giving it up, then look elsewhere, 'get another woman' ' go see a prostitute,' etc. TBH sounds like a pack of teenagers, not supposedly sensible married men, some long term too.
> 
> Perhaps the OP's wife should get rid of the OP and find a man who is more sexually compatible and one she will not end up resenting. Perhaps the females on TAM should start dishing out this type of advise in such scenarios.:scratchhead:
> But then again it wouldn't be very helpful or sensible. Go figure............:slap:


This isn't about gender.

The same, always applies to women as well.



Personal said:


> Pending that since his imposition of celibacy upon her, forfeits his right to sexual fidelity. I think she would do well to remind him, that he has forfeited her obligation to afford him marital fidelity. And as a consequence of that she should feel free to seek sex elsewhere whether he likes that or not.


If a married woman isn't satiated sexually, within their monogamous sexual relationship. And their sexual partner (whatever their gender) is unwilling to meet their desires. After being asked to and afforded the opportunity to do so.

Then the only way they are likely to have such desires fulfilled. Is to get sex elsewhere with others via consensual non-monogamy, sexual infidelity, separation and or divorce.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> It does read that way. That's why what looks like the well if you aren't getting laid enough there are other women out there advice seems weird on this thread.





Personal said:


> @Frozen001 if the compromise which your wife has reached with you, isn't enough to satiate your wants and she isn't willing to share more with you. Then the reality is the only way you are going to get those desires met, is by being with another woman or other women. Either after separating pending a divorce and or getting a divorce. Or on the side through sexual infidelity, if you're fine with doing it that way.


Given that I agree with what @StarFires wrote. I think it is likely he will not get to share more or much more sex with his wife. That being the case, since @Frozen001 isn't satisfied with a frequency of 3x a week, and less during menstruation. He is left with little option other than to seek it elsewhere if he wants to satiate his desires. Which is why another women or other women are likely to be the only way he will get a lot more sex as the normal thing.

Of which on the side can potentially achieved via consensual non-monogamy, agreement with his wife, and the like etc. Just as not on the side can be done via the dissolution of their marriage. Whether he chooses to avail himself of any of those options or not, is entirely up to him.

Yet while ever most of us are in agreement. That his wanting more with his wife, is not likely to see fruition without heaping spoonfuls of resentment into the mix. Considering that, if he wants his desires fulfilled, the reality is others are probably the only way it's going to happen.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Hmmm, so if he puts his wife first he will have less sex than 3x a week. While if his wife puts him first he will have sex everyday each week. any compromise would see a situation where one or both are not putting the other first.
> 
> Glib statements on putting the each other first, immediately fall apart in the face of one, or both reaching a compromise or both not compromising at all.
> 
> ...


She seem happy to have sex 3 times a week. Its more than the average for a married couple.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> She seem happy to have sex 3 times a week. Its more than the average for a married couple.


Yes she does, yet he isn't happy with that.

So by only doing that, she isn't putting him first at all.

Likewise with him wanting more, he also isn't putting her first at all either.

Meeting in the middle doesn't put either of them first.

While one of them putting the other first, always does so at the expense of the other not being put first.

It's that simple.

That's why it's nonsense to claim that putting each other first, can be achieved via compromise or acquiescing to the other.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> Yes she does, yet he isn't happy with that.
> 
> So by only doing that, she isn't putting him first at all.
> 
> ...


I no longer have any idea what you are advising.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> I no longer have any idea what you are advising.


 @Diana7 was saying that the OP and his wife, ought to put each other first.

I was just pointing out the flaw in her suggestion, that putting each other first can ever be achieved. When they both want conflicting outcomes.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

A man who cheats because he only gets sex 3 times a year is still wrong, but he has my sympathy. A man who cheats because hes only getting sex 3 times a week is disgusting. As is anyone who suggests he cheat because he is only getting sex 3 times a week.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Personal said:


> Yes she does, yet he isn't happy with that.
> 
> So she isn't putting him first at all, in only being willing to do that.
> 
> ...


It doesn't have to be a sum-zero game like that. I really don't think it is. I tend to lean toward Dr. Harley's Policy of Joint Agreement, in which putting each other first is a committed state of mind. A husband putting his wife first means his desire is her happiness. A wife putting her husband first means her desire is his happiness. While that could, and probably sometimes does, turn out as one having to acquiesce, the aim is the joy derived from the other person's happiness, which makes each of them happy. Conversely, a person can't find joy in the unhappiness they cause the other. So, it's a win/win proposition, not win/lose.

He's not acquiescing since sex every single day is hardly anything a person actually needs. He's just being gratuitous unless he has some kind of addiction to sex, which it's evident that he doesn't. If they both wanted that, it would be different. Since she doesn't want what is obviously taxing on her and possibly making her feel demeaned, it's not a matter of him having to acquiesce. It's a matter of him NOT wanting her to be unhappy because that should, by virtue of the principle, cause him to be unhappy. The result being his unhappiness in getting what he wants.

You're saying he is unhappy in not getting what he wants due to having to acquiesce to her. 

I'm saying forcing her into what she doesn't want to do is what should be the cause of his unhappiness.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Personal said:


> @Diana7 was saying that the OP and his wife, ought to put each other first.
> 
> I was just pointing out the flaw in her suggestion, that putting each other first can ever be achieved. When they both want conflicting outcomes.


I guess it depends. In theory, let's say his W could put the OP first by agreeing to have sex every day. As a compromise, the OP could agree to put his W first for something separate that she wants . I do agree that both cannot put each other first over the same scenario if their wants are different.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

StarFires said:


> It doesn't have to be a sum-zero game like that. I really don't think it is. I tend to lean toward Dr. Harley's Policy of Joint Agreement, in which putting each other first is a committed state of mind. A husband putting his wife first means his desire is her happiness. A wife putting her husband first means her desire is his happiness. While that could, and probably sometimes does, turn out as one having to acquiesce, the aim is the joy derived from the other person's happiness, which makes each of them happy. Conversely, a person can't find joy in the unhappiness they cause the other. So, it's a win/win proposition, not win/lose.
> 
> He's not acquiescing since sex every single day is hardly anything a person actually needs. He's just being gratuitous unless he has some kind of addiction to sex, which it's evident that he doesn't. If they both wanted that, it would be different. Since she doesn't want what is obviously taxing on her and possibly making her feel demeaned, it's not a matter of him having to acquiesce. It's a matter of him NOT wanting her to be unhappy because that should, by virtue of the principle, cause him to be unhappy. The result being his unhappiness in getting what he wants.
> 
> ...



Yah I think the idea that less than x times per week is a starvation ration is hyperbole.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Yes she does, yet he isn't happy with that.
> 
> So by only doing that, she isn't putting him first at all.
> 
> ...


I find that compromise and unselfishness works.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Yah I think the idea that less than x times per week is a starvation ration is hyperbole.


I get that and I've basically agreed 3 times is a decent compromise. However, I do need to interject here that the cavalier way his desires are so easily dismissed by female responses (Starfire just verbalized it but it comes across often in these discussions) just grates. A lot.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> Yah I think the idea that less than x times per week is a starvation ration is hyperbole.


Yes, it absolutely is. But didn't he say somewhere that they do have sex the odd 4 or 5 times a week? I could be wrong. I just think pressuring her into an everyday thing or 2 or 3 times a day is ridiculous. Actually, I think THAT is what he said, something like they don't have to do it every day necessarily but that it could be 4 or 5 times a week with some of them being 2 or 3 times a day. Still ridiculous. Again, I could be wrong just trying to go on memory. It's not important enough to me to try to go find each of his comments.



Diana7 said:


> I find that compromise and unselfishness works.


I agree. I know a wife who hated that his adult kids (from former marriage) always asked him for money, and he always gave it to them. One of them had asked on this particular occasion, and she was complaining about it. I suggested she accept that he does it this time but with him and the kids understanding that, in the future, it's not a given just because they ask. She was able to accept that since it was hard for him to say no, but she also came away with a more reliable expectation for the future. I just don't think that same compromising kind of rule applies in Frozen's situation. I think this is something he has no business asking for to the point of pressuring and trying to force her. I think he should loathe himself for it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> A man who cheats because he only gets sex 3 times a year is still wrong, but he has my sympathy. A man who cheats because hes only getting sex 3 times a week is disgusting. As is anyone who suggests he cheat because he is only getting sex 3 times a week.


I don't think anyone here, is suggesting that he cheats on his wife. Of which, I don't think he should cheat on his wife either.

At the end of the day though, if he isn't happy with 3x a week, isn't willing to settle for less, and his wife isn't willing to share more. He's left with having sex with others (since marital rape is not okay), as the only way to get more sex. Which means either divorce, swinging, polyamory, consensual non-monogamy and the like or sexual infidelity (cheating).

Stating thie above isn't encouraging him to cheat, it is simply stating the facts as they stand.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> I don't think anyone here, is suggesting that he cheats on his wife. Of which, I don't think he should cheat on his wife either.
> 
> At the end of the day though, if he isn't happy with 3x a week, isn't willing to settle for less, and his wife isn't willing to share more. He's left with having sex with others (since marital rape is not okay), as the only way to get more sex. Which means either divorce, swinging, polyamory, consensual non-monogamy and the like or sexual infidelity (cheating).
> 
> *Stating thie above isn't encouraging him to cheat, it is simply stating the facts as they stand*.


To what end? The facts, as they stand, as you put it are obvious. How is that helpful?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I find that compromise and unselfishness works.


I find that hollow platitudes (like "put each other first", when both want different and conflicting things) and empty rhetoric don't provide firm foundations for great relationships.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> To what end? The facts, as they stand, as you put it are obvious. How is that helpful?


If he wants more sex, then one of those options is the most likely way he will get what he wants. So given his desires, he would do well to consider them, which is why I have mentioned them.

Who knows maybe his wife, would be perfectly happy with him having other sexual partners, so she can get a break from his wants.

That said I'm surprised that you take umbrage, with the idea that he might consider having sex with others. Since (correct me if I'm wrong), you are in a non-monogamous marital relationship with your husband..


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Personal said:


> At the end of the day though, if he isn't happy with 3x a week, isn't willing to settle for less, and his wife isn't willing to share more. He's left with having sex with others (since marital rape is not okay), as the only way to get more sex. Which means either divorce, swinging, polyamory, consensual non-monogamy and the like or sexual infidelity (cheating).


Another option is that he does some introspection and finds some way to be happy with only 3x/week. Especially since he has kids, I would think very poorly of his character if he cheated or bailed because he wasn't getting it 7x/week. While I can totally understand *wanting* more than 3x/week, I'm less likely to be compassionate to him saying he can't find happiness unless it's more. 

It's not the same as when there is zero sex, since there even the most basic need is not being met. But when they are already better than average, he should really examine that need to see how important it is.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> If he wants more sex, then one of those those options is the most likely way he will get what he wants. So given his desires, he would do well to consider them, which is why I have mentioned them.
> 
> Who knows maybe his wife, would be perfectly happy with him having other sexual partners, so she can get a break from his wants.
> 
> That said I'm surprised that you take umbrage, with the idea that he might consider having sex with others. Since (correct me if I'm wrong), you are in a non-monogamous marital relationship with your husband..


Why do you assume umbrage? I just did not understand what you were saying.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

wilson said:


> Another option is that he does some introspection and finds some way to be happy with only 3x/week. Especially since he has kids, I would think very poorly of his character if he cheated or bailed because he wasn't getting it 7x/week. While I can totally understand *wanting* more than 3x/week, I'm less likely to be compassionate to him saying he can't find happiness unless it's more.
> 
> It's not the same as when there is zero sex, since there even the most basic need is not being met. But when they are already better than average, he should really examine that need to see how important it is.


OP I know you are likely not reading this any more. But as someone who IS in an ethically non-monomamous marriage, in my experience, this is one of the least successful models of ethical non-monogamy... Just saying.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

wilson said:


> Another option is that he does some introspection and finds some way to be happy with only 3x/week. Especially since he has kids, I would think very poorly of his character if he cheated or bailed because he wasn't getting it 7x/week. While I can totally understand *wanting* more than 3x/week, I'm less likely to be compassionate to him saying he can't find happiness unless it's more.
> 
> It's not the same as when there is zero sex, since there even the most basic need is not being met. But when they are already better than average, he should really examine that need to see how important it is.


And that is the thing. Let's be honest, what are the odds that he would exit his current relationship and get into a new one where his every day need is being met (along with all the other needs being met in a relationship). I see it becoming more of a "Grass is greener on the other side" scenario.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

StarFires said:


> You live on porn sites every day, don't you?
> 
> You have already destroyed your sex life. You might not notice it very soon, but you have planted the seeds of resentment in your wife, and you're going to reap what you sow. And you're not going to like it one bit. You'll be back here one day complaining that you used to get sex three times a week but that has turned into barely any at all.


*MODERATOR WARNING:-*

Your assumption was wrong.

You cannot run around being rude and talking trash about other members, or making stuff up as you see fit.

And yes, this is an official warning.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

anonmd said:


> I get that and I've basically agreed 3 times is a decent compromise. However, I do need to interject here that the cavalier way his desires are so easily dismissed by female responses (Starfire just verbalized it but it comes across often in these discussions) just grates. A lot.


It's a desire/wish, not a need. It would be nice to get what he wants, but he doesn't need it. The guy is not a sex addict. He said he could live with it like it is. I verbalized that he's being gratuitous that he wants her to have sex with him every day. All his pressuring trying to force her is appalling. But nearly everybody was cavalier to dismiss his desire as you said. It wasn't only the females. How did you see it that way as only the women's doing?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> I find that hollow platitudes (like "put each other first", when both want different and conflicting things) and empty rhetoric don't provide firm foundations for great relationships.


I fond that being unselfish, thinking of the other person before yourself, and compromise can sort out any problem.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Marriage is all about compromise, and 3 times a week is more than reasonable. You need to accept that just because you want sex every day, she doesn't, and for her having sex every day would not make it 'even better,' as you claim it would.
> 
> Be thankful for what you have.


Gadzooks!
Three times a week imo should never be classified as "more than reasonable" if one SO may want a bit or so, or "more".

When schedules are full with late nights, three times a week may be acceptable when acceptable for both.

Or three times a week with refusals all other times can certainly be unacceptable as the norm.

Just caution against over generalization.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> *MODERATOR WARNING:-*
> 
> Your assumption was wrong.
> 
> ...


Wondering if you saw that I told him I was wrong to say that. Apologizing doesn't matter? But I'm not really sure what you're waiting for, Matt. You're hankering to ban me so why wait? Three times I was insulted and antagonized in this thread, but there's no warning here for him. As I told you before, people say whatever they want to me however they please and follow me around the board to do it and none of that matters. I guess I'm also guilty of imagined charges. I haven't talked trash about anyone at all. I don't even know where that came from, but he surely did talk trash to me. Again none of that matters. So I really don't know what you're waiting for.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

StarFires said:


> Wondering if you saw that I told him I was wrong to say that. Apologizing doesn't matter? But I'm not really sure what you're waiting for, Matt. You're hankering to ban me so why wait? Three times I was insulted and antagonized in this thread, but there's no warning here for him. As I told you before, people say whatever they want to me however they please and follow me around the board to do it and none of that matters. I guess I'm also guilty of imagined charges. I haven't talked trash about anyone at all. I don't even know where that came from, but he surely did talk trash to me. Again none of that matters. So I really don't know what you're waiting for.


The Moderation team (it's not just me, so please don't get the idea this is a personal vendetta) is waiting for you to behave like an adult.

You made an unwarranted attack on a member (the apology was a welcome development but it does not negate the fact that you made something up about the member, which was wrong and utterly unacceptable behaviour) and you take even the mildest reproof, criticism or a question on your points of view as a personal attack which you then defend by attacking the other members. 

This is not a new problem, you have been banned for this type of behaviour before, including a ban for being disputatious with moderators.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> The Moderation team (it's not just me, so please don't get the idea this is a personal vendetta) is waiting for you to behave like an adult.
> 
> You made an unwarranted attack on a member (the apology was a welcome development but it does not negate the fact that you made something up about the member, which was wrong and utterly unacceptable behaviour) and you take even the mildest reproof, criticism or a question on your points of view as a personal attack which you then defend by attacking the other members.
> 
> This is not a new problem, you have been banned for this type of behaviour before, including a ban for being disputatious with moderators.


I'm not denying anything, except trash talking because I haven't done that. You keep reminding me of what I have done, including something I haven't done, with no acknowledgment of my complaints. I'm certain that if I tell someone '"you are the worst" person of any type' or disparage someone's comments as "meaningless drivel" with reminder of the same, that you will tell me again that I'm attacking people and will ban me for that, or as in this case warn me. Those things said to me with no acknowledgment or warning to them naturally makes a person feel singled out and targeted, whoever is taking aim. Those aren't mild reproof or criticism. They're personal attacks.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

> He's not acquiescing since sex every single day is hardly anything a person actually needs. He's just being gratuitous unless he has some kind of addiction to sex,





StarFires said:


> It's a desire/wish, not a need. It would be nice to get what he wants, but he doesn't need it. The guy is not a sex addict. He said he could live with it like it is. I verbalized that he's being gratuitous that he wants her to have sex with him every day. All his pressuring trying to force her is appalling. But nearly everybody was cavalier to dismiss his desire as you said. It wasn't only the females. How did you see it that way as only the women's doing?


Well, the male posters agree that given the circumstances, three times a week is probably all you can hope for. Yeah, we know it's tough but man up, grin and bear it. 

As opposed to your first sentence which basically blows him off. It grates, it just does. Is it not technically true? No, but the lack of empathy kinda matches his lack of empathy for her no?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

anonmd said:


> Well, the male posters agree that given the circumstances, three times a week is probably all you can hope for. Yeah, we know it's tough but man up, grin and bear it.
> 
> As opposed to your first sentence which basically blows him off. It grates, it just does. Is it not technically true? No, but the lack of empathy kinda matches his lack of empathy for her no?


mmmm umm hmm Okay, I can't argue that. I'm trying very hard but I can't, except to submit it was a guy who told him he was being greedy. You're right that I have no understanding whatsoever for a man who wants sex every day. I'm not a man and don't know what it's like. But I think you take my term "gratuitous" as flouting, but it's not blowing him off. I'm saying it's unwarranted, indicating a difference between his physical needs, as opposed to wanting more than his fair share. It's gratuitous because his wife doesn't want sex every day and since it isn't fair to her, he's being gratuitous in trying to take advantage that she's there and available. I did state it would be different if they both wanted sex every day. You took the word out of context.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Truce  That's as much as I'm gonna get


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

anonmd said:


> Truce  That's as much as I'm gonna get


Aw c'mon. That's all it was. :x


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## BecauseICan (Jan 21, 2019)

As a female who will gladly have sex every day I'll say this: there are ways to play that will not cause a yeast infection. I still give my guy attention when it's that time of the month because for me him being excited and me making him feel good is a whole lot of the fun. 
That said I also don't think you should push. Us ladies like to be heard and appreciated. Maybe change your approach. Tell her that you see where she's comping from, that her health is important to you, and that you appreciate her being willing to try to work up to a more frequent schedule. Maybe go for every other night, and on the alternate nights don't be afraid to be a giver. Give her a back massage. Cuddle up, hold hands and watch a movie. Play with her hair Just spend the nights you're not having sex connecting with her. Us gals respond to that. But do it to create a closer relationship, not with the expectation that it's going to get you more sex.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Frozen001 said:


> How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents *but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one*. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.
> 
> ...


This statement makes me think you are trying to fulfill an emotional need. Is there another way you can meet this need with your wife?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> And that is the thing. Let's be honest, what are the odds that he would exit his current relationship and get into a new one where his every day need is being met (along with all the other needs being met in a relationship). I see it becoming more of a "Grass is greener on the other side" scenario.


There are a few on this board and even in this thread claiming they are having sex every day, sometimes more than once a day. Some have left their wives and now are having a very fulfilling sex life, with sex multiple times a day. So, these relationships do exist. I think the OP has the right to try. If the wife doesn't agree, and this is something that makes the OP very unhappy, then he should divorce her, after careful consideration of the consequences.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

In Absentia said:


> There are a few on this board and even in this thread claiming they are having sex every day, sometimes more than once a day. Some have left their wives and now are having a very fulfilling sex life, with sex multiple times a day. So, these relationships do exist. I think the OP has the right to try. If the wife doesn't agree, and this is something that makes the OP very unhappy, then he should divorce her, after careful consideration of the consequences.


I agree, I am sure they do exist. However, I would bet they are far from the norm which is the reason why I think it is more of a "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. I don't think the OP should just settle if this is something that is truly important to him (b/c let's face it, if it really is that important to him, it will cause a whole slew of issues in the relationship if this need is not getting met). It is a fine line to walk though.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I agree, I am sure they do exist. However, I would bet they are far from the norm which is the reason why I think it is more of a "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. I don't think the OP should just settle if this is something that is truly important to him (b/c let's face it, if it really is that important to him, it will cause a whole slew of issues in the relationship if this need is not getting met). It is a fine line to walk though.


Yes, I see your point. But we don't usually hear from happy people having sex multiple times a day on this board because they have no reason to complain. We just don't know the statistics. But the OP has the right to try. It might seem selfish, but if he is very unhappy, then it's the way to go. He has to be careful not to damage his relationship with his wife, though. To me, it's one on those unresolvable mismatches, albeit I would be very happy with such an arrangement... :laugh:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> A man who cheats because he only gets sex 3 times a year is still wrong, but he has my sympathy. A man who cheats because hes only getting sex 3 times a week is disgusting. As is anyone who suggests he cheat because he is only getting sex 3 times a week.



What about a man who’s cheating with a man who has suggested to cheat? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

StarFires said:


> mmmm umm hmm Okay, I can't argue that. I'm trying very hard but I can't, except to submit it was a guy who told him he was being greedy. You're right that I have no understanding whatsoever for a man who wants sex every day. I'm not a man and don't know what it's like. But I think you take my term "gratuitous" as flouting, but it's not blowing him off. I'm saying it's unwarranted, indicating a difference between his physical needs, as opposed to wanting more than his fair share. It's gratuitous because his wife doesn't want sex every day and since it isn't fair to her, he's being gratuitous in trying to take advantage that she's there and available. I did state it would be different if they both wanted sex every day. You took the word out of context.


I'm most definitely not trying to promote any type of discord in offering a couple comments in the above, for other perspectives perhaps?

We all know the differences between physical needs (as in will die without) and desires/ wants.

Although everyone also knows wants can range from simple preferences to deeper normal "wants", that exceed simple preferences and if these are combined with other desires not met/things undesired constantly tolerated - there can be a "perfect storm" brewing no one acknowledges until it's too late and the whole ship is lost.

My comments on quoted post:

Excerpt 1. "as opposed to wanting more than his fair share."

Who is the all knowing being that has the authority to state: "you are already getting your fair share, no more soup for you. Ridiculous to even ask for more, silly person".

Excerpt 2. " he's being gratuitous in trying to take advantage that she's there and available."

"take advantage of her, because she's there and available". What does sentence that even mean??

They're married. He should try and "take advantage of her" as much as possible if he wants. And vice versa. And both should respect each other's choices to be intimate or not.

Pls don't say I'm saying he should "force her" to do anything she doesn't choose to do, obviously I'm not.

I am again saying that blanket statements may be inaccurate ways to try and define the challenges and solutions. 

"he's getting his fair share so he shouldn't complain " and "he shouldn't bother his wife just because she's there and available" to me are way condescending to OP, and imo way off solution building discourse. 

Ultimately I'd think this will work itself out in the marriage improvement communication efforts. 

It's always possible when communicating, that additional true multiple differences will come further out and cause a separation. 

I hope and believe it will work out, the marriage will be stronger. 

The OP certainly has the right to say he would very much like sex more than three times a week. And to try and bed his W as much as he wants.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

What about ‘quality of orgasm’? I noticed that my climax is more intense if I don’t orgasm every day or several times a day. ‘Enjoying good things in moderation’ seems like a sensible thing. 
Wife on the other hand says it makes no difference to the quality of her orgasm whether she came 3 days or 3 hours ago.

I think it makes quite a difference to her to how desperate I need to screw her though.
She also prefers it if I don’t pay any attention to her whatsoever and just use her as a ‘piece of meat’. (Her words yesterday. I was going super long and steady and was ready to proclaim myself the ultimate sex god as the whole room began to shake while she climaxed. But then came the ‘breaking news’: that apparently being considerate is not very welcome and can be a bit of a turn offfff...******. Maybe i need to sign her up for one of those feminist classes).


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> No you don't have 'every right' to get there or to get more sex, what an utterly selfish statement. You have a wife and if you love her, you will think of her and put her first and always compromise.
> Few relationships will carry on with the same amount of sex they had in the early days, before children, before things calmed down, that's life.
> 
> If you didn't want to hear different answers then why post here?


I should probably stop reading some of these posts 😊😊 I'll say that first. My opinion certainly differs from some.

Here, respectfully @Diana7; in response to: "few relationships will carry on with the same amount of sex they had in the early days, before children, before things calmed down, that's life".
Many more than a few relationships get back to frequency of sex before small children, than you think. 

Empty nesters certainly revel in the fact they can walk through the house nekkid again! Obviously being a little facetious here.

But the fact remains when a couple enjoys each other and health remains, there are many "rabbit" time frames, many more than one may think, as a couple moves through life stages.

It more normally is like a sine wave, peaks and valleys.

And common.

Even the knowledge one can have sex if wants to, with mutually desirous SO is itself a sexual act, as a couple goes about their day. It's a mental perk almost unparalleled in a good M.

Good sex starts mentally. Although there are times 😍😍.

Any SO that believes "rationing" sex is best may soon find out that amplifies challenges in other areas totally unrelated to sex.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

StarFires said:


> 1. she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday
> 2. we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 3. but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown
> 
> ...



Excerpt from above:
"you're not being grateful enough..."

I don't know about others, so I'm just voicing my own opinion here, but the first time I heard "you're not being grateful enough for the sex you get" would be fighting words.

I'm not saying right/wrong for all, I don't want to generalize, but that would be a wrong tact to be taken with me. Very unproductive, a non-starter.

Just sayin'.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

wilson said:


> One thing I think is confusing to men is that women don't enjoy sex in the same sort of physical way as as men do. That is, for men it is much more about the pleasurable sensations from the activated nerve endings and much less about the emotional aspect. For men, the enjoyment of sex is much closer to the enjoyment of getting a massage or laying out in the sun--they are enjoyable experiences in their own right. They don't have to be in a certain emotional state or have their head in the right place to enjoy it. So to men, it's easy to think it would be better to have it more often. If they think of it like getting massages more often or laying out on the beach more often, who wouldn't want more of that?
> 
> But women generally are more complicated when it comes to sex. While few women would turn down regular foot massages on a daily basis, that same kind of simple enjoyment doesn't translate to sex.
> 
> ...


I agree with the analogies in the above, but respectfully all are common blanket statements again. 

Imho, the most important statement from above response is: 

" It might actually be the reverse--where she would enjoy sex more if it happened less."

How in the world would this sex "rationing" contribute to the closeness a couple can reach when emotionally and physically available to each other?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I agree with the analogies in the above, but respectfully all are common blanket statements again.
> 
> Imho, the most important statement from above response is:
> 
> ...




In answer to that I, as a women, do actually enjoy sex far more when its not too frequent. Actually sex is better for both of us when a few days have passed. Not saying wait a month, but a week or a few days between provides a far more intense experience, stronger orgasms and a good sex session. Every day for me would become a routine, something that we just 'do', no build up or eager anticipation of the next session. Maybe his wife is like that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> There are a few on this board and even in this thread claiming they are having sex every day, sometimes more than once a day. Some have left their wives and now are having a very fulfilling sex life, with sex multiple times a day. So, these relationships do exist. I think the OP has the right to try. If the wife doesn't agree, and this is something that makes the OP very unhappy, then he should divorce her, after careful consideration of the consequences.


That seems so incredibly drastic, to be talking about possible divorce in a marriage were they have sex 3-4 times a week, and he says its not enough. He could end up being divorced half a dozen times.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

wilson said:


> Another option is that he does some introspection and finds some way to be happy with only 3x/week. Especially since he has kids, I would think very poorly of his character if he cheated or bailed because he wasn't getting it 7x/week. While I can totally understand *wanting* more than 3x/week, I'm less likely to be compassionate to him saying he can't find happiness unless it's more.
> 
> It's not the same as when there is zero sex, since there even the most basic need is not being met. But when they are already better than average, he should really examine that need to see how important it is.



Again with the "better than average" you should be grateful line.

One size doesn't fit all.

And it seems like OP is into encouraging, not "forcing".

Encouragement in a positive manner is good.

For either SO, giving up and not trying anything new is a lose-lose.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> That seems so incredibly drastic, to be talking about possible divorce in a marriage were they have sex 3-4 times a week, and he says its not enough. He could end up being divorced half a dozen times.


How is it drastic if this is truly a need he needs met? So if his needs aren't being met, he should just remain in the marriage, be unhappy, build up resentment??? Maybe getting married to someone who wants to have sex every day is a pipe dream, who knows. The point being, how can we dictate what his needs should or shouldn't be, and then by that determine what constitutes drastic measures? Keep in mind, we are talking about his needs, not mine or yours. For me, yes it would be drastic to leave a marriage b/c I was only have sex 3 times a week, but then again I don't need sex daily.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

wilson said:


> Another option is that he does some introspection and finds some way to be happy with only 3x/week. Especially since he has kids, I would think very poorly of his character if he cheated or bailed because he wasn't getting it 7x/week. While I can totally understand *wanting* more than 3x/week, I'm less likely to be compassionate to him saying he can't find happiness unless it's more.
> 
> It's not the same as when there is zero sex, since there even the most basic need is not being met. But when they are already better than average, he should really examine that need to see how important it is.


I agree, a balanced and wise post. I would think NOTHING of his character if he bailed or cheated because of this.


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## SeattleWill (Aug 8, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Frozen001 said:
> 
> 
> > Well thank to those who offered advice. Pretty much going to see what happens and work on improving more on other areas.
> ...


You have every right to as much sex as you want. That is the beauty of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 explains it all. Never refuse your spouse sex. Never.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

SeattleWill said:


> You have every right to as much sex as you want. That is the beauty of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 explains it all. Never refuse your spouse sex. Never.



Don’t take it literally, literally. I think by ‘never’, they generally speaking mean ‘generally speaking’...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

SeattleWill said:


> You have every right to as much sex as you want. That is the beauty of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 explains it all. Never refuse your spouse sex. Never.


I just checked that. It said that if you marry you will have trouble. This thread surely supports that idea.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

SeattleWill said:


> You have every right to as much sex as you want. That is the beauty of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 explains it all. Never refuse your spouse sex. Never.



You are wrong. Read the actual words in context.

You. Are. Wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SeattleWill said:


> You have every right to as much sex as you want. That is the beauty of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 explains it all. Never refuse your spouse sex. Never.


You are starting to make me smile with your persistence.

You have one drum with one tempo. Keep hitting it my friend!:grin2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I am confused. Why is the Bible being referenced here??? Is the assumption that the OP is Christian and/or follows the Bible implicitly? Who the heck would ever seriously believe that you should never refuse your spouse sex???

I will make sure next time I am sick I let my W knows she HAS TO have sex with me, b/c some person on TAM said so lol


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

EllisRedding said:


> I am confused. Why is the Bible being referenced here??? Is the assumption that the OP is Christian and/or follows the Bible implicitly? Who the heck would ever seriously believe that you should never refuse your spouse sex???
> 
> I will make sure next time I am sick I let my W knows she HAS TO have sex with me, b/c some person on TAM said so lol


As a Christian, some "Christians" embarrass me.....

Let us know how that goes with your wife lol


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> As a Christian, some "Christians" embarrass me.....
> 
> Let us know how that goes with your wife lol


She is going to meet a friend for dinner tonight. Maybe when I leave work I drive right to the restaurant and tell her she needs to have sex with me in the bathroom... I will make sure to print out 1 Corinthians 7 in case she objects :grin2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

EllisRedding said:


> She is going to meet a friend for dinner tonight. Maybe when I leave work I drive right to the restaurant and tell her she needs to have sex with me in the bathroom... I will make sure to print out 1 Corinthians 7 in case she objects :grin2:


While you are at it, tell her you are her "lord," and smack her around, telling her to "submit more."

That's what "those" types usually do....


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> You are wrong. Read the actual words in context.
> 
> You. Are. Wrong.


As long as OP doesn't mind, what is your take on biblical sexual relations and , specifically, what 1 Corinthians 7 means?

I'm actually close to the same understanding as the good old boy from Seattle.

I have the rest of the bible that I don't forget when considering that scripture.

So what are your thoughts?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> As long as OP doesn't mind, what is your take on biblical sexual relations and , specifically, what 1 Corinthians 7 means?
> 
> I'm actually close to the same understanding as the good old boy from Seattle.
> 
> ...


When you look at the chapter in context, and then at that chapter in context of the book itself.....

Paul believes that, first of all, it would be better to be single so you can be undivided in your service to God. BUT he gets that some of us would spontaneously combust that way (smile). He says it is better to marry than to burn lol. Very descriptive.

When he is talking about the topic, his overall point is that if you are going to be married, then BE MARRIED. The one-flesh idea IS about flesh. My body is not my own - I promised it to my husband. His body is not his own - he promised it to me. Some people take that "my body is not my own" to mean that "you can't want sex when I don't because it's not your body...." or some such nonsense. What that really means is, I cannot overtly WITHHOLD my body from my spouse. Then he talks about the famous verse.

He says that you should not withhold or abstain for long periods of time without mutual agreement for prayer and fasting, and even then you should come back together afterward. The key here is a PATTERN of abstaining. If I am exhausted, or I am sick, or maybe you screamed at me all night to wash the dishes and told me how inferior I am (as with some of the...ahem...Ephesians 5 overboarders)....I may decline for a night. If I just had a hysterectomy I am going to decline for a couple of weeks at least (actually my doctor said 6 because apparently entrails falling out is messy).

If I withhold selfishly or repeatedly just because "I don't wanna/it's not important to me," that is wrong. I don't get to do that. Part of the vow I made to my husband was to meet his needs.

People who read only this and that verse tend to "fit" the Bible to their own fleshly wants rather than how God intended.

The idea that "my woman better never say no" is one of those instances. I would bet if we dug deeper, we would find a man who treats his woman like 5/8 of a person.


Bottom line: repeated refusal is a no go. being sick occasionally, surgery, I am exhausted and stressed because my mom just died of a long term illness....yeah, be understanding.

I am sure Will will disagree with me and assume I'm a "progressive." I'm not. I just know God's Word stands and falls as a whole.

Have you heard the one about the guy who opened his Bible to find a verse? He found this one: Judas went and hanged himself. Then he flipped around some more and found: Go ye and do likewise 

Context matters.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> In answer to that I, as a women, do actually enjoy sex far more when its not too frequent. Actually sex is better for both of us when a few days have passed. Not saying wait a month, but a week or a few days between provides a far more intense experience, stronger orgasms and a good sex session. Every day for me would become a routine, something that we just 'do', no build up or eager anticipation of the next session. Maybe his wife is like that.


And I don't disagree with @Diana7 here. There are peaks and valleys in frequencies. And if slight gaps, those scenarios create their own benefits.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> I am confused. Why is the Bible being referenced here??? Is the assumption that the OP is Christian and/or follows the Bible implicitly? Who the heck would ever seriously believe that you should never refuse your spouse sex???
> 
> I will make sure next time I am sick I let my W knows she HAS TO have sex with me, b/c some person on TAM said so lol


It isn't a biblical thread but the dude cracks me up because he just keeps posting that scripture on a lot of different threads.:laugh:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> It isn't a biblical thread but the dude cracks me up because he just keeps posting that scripture on a lot of different threads.:laugh:


lol, just seemed so random and out of place!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> In answer to that I, as a women, do actually enjoy sex far more when its not too frequent. Actually sex is better for both of us when a few days have passed. Not saying wait a month, but a week or a few days between provides a far more intense experience, stronger orgasms and a good sex session. Every day for me would become a routine, something that we just 'do', no build up or eager anticipation of the next session. Maybe his wife is like that.
> 
> And I don't disagree with @Diana7 here. There are peaks and valleys in frequencies. And if slight gaps, those scenarios create their own benefits.


I'll say I don't agree. I do enjoy sex every day. Yes, it can be more intense if a few days have passed (like if one of us is out of town). But waiting a week on purpose? Nope, not happening.

I waited months and even years in my first marriage. Not gonna do the waiting thing now.

That said, as much as I want to jump hubby morning noon and night, if he had the attitude the OP has (along with some of the posters), I'd dry up like the Sahara.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> When you look at the chapter in context, and then at that chapter in context of the book itself.....
> 
> Paul believes that, first of all, it would be better to be single so you can be undivided in your service to God. BUT he gets that some of us would spontaneously combust that way (smile). He says it is better to marry than to burn lol. Very descriptive.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing.

I'm not far off from your understanding either.

I believe if one of us wants it, the other should comply as long as there aren't serious issues (common sense here) that would get in the way.

I have actually turned down Mrs. Conan far more than she has.

If anyone is in violation of that scripture, it is certainly me.

I need to work on that!:smile2:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> As long as OP doesn't mind, what is your take on biblical sexual relations and , specifically, what 1 Corinthians 7 means?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



The interpretations on cheating seem to vary as well. When Solomon and most other dudes had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines (each), it doesn’t seem like anyone minded very much. They didn’t have TAM back then to unleash the full wrath onto the unfaithful!
Are there any cultures/religions where it was women that had similar numbers of men instead?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> The interpretations on cheating seem to vary as well. When Solomon and most other dudes had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines (each), it doesn’t seem like anyone minded very much. They didn’t have TAM back then to unleash the full wrath onto the unfaithful!
> Are there any cultures/religions where it was women that had similar numbers of men instead?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


sigh.....

People cannot seem to grasp that just because something was IN the Bible didn't mean God approved of it. Yes, Solomon had lots of wives and concubines. No, God didn't strike him with immediate lightning. But a cursory reading of Genesis and beyond makes it clear God's intent is one man and one woman.

It's not rocket science unless one tries not to understand.

Of course, the OP doesn;t have concubines and hopefully doesn;t want any, so they really have no relevance to this thread.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

inmyprime said:


> The interpretations on cheating seem to vary as well. When Solomon and most other dudes had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines (each), it doesn’t seem like anyone minded very much. They didn’t have TAM back then to unleash the full wrath onto the unfaithful!
> Are there any cultures/religions where it was women that had similar numbers of men instead?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Nope. There were some circumstances where prominent women had a polyandrous situation but not to the crazy extent, and it was true madness, that prominent men had so many women.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

inmyprime said:


> Are there any cultures/religions where it was women that had similar numbers of men instead?


There was Debbie who apparently had all of Dallas....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SeattleWill said:


> You have every right to as much sex as you want. That is the beauty of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 explains it all. Never refuse your spouse sex. Never.


None has the right to force their spouse to have sex. Ever.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> sigh.....
> 
> 
> 
> People cannot seem to grasp that just because something was IN the Bible didn't mean God approved of it. Yes, Solomon had lots of wives and concubines. No, God didn't strike him with immediate lightning..




Why didn’t He? Or at least issue a moderator warning in red ink once in a while.
I don’t mean to mock...It’s Friday night after all. Trying to ease into the weekend....
To me (the idiot who can’t make himself get to believe in stuff that potentially could make my life much more comforting) it conveys many deeper truths about human nature. In this instance, that the ideal was to have one man and one woman, never rejecting each other and viewing each other as one....but in practice things are always more complicated...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> There was Debbie who apparently had all of Dallas....



Which religion was that? ‘Cos I think it’s only fair.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

inmyprime said:


> Which religion was that? ‘Cos I think it’s only fair.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Brazzers For the Faithful


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Why didn’t He? Or at least issue a moderator warning in red ink once in a while.
> I don’t mean to mock...It’s Friday night after all. Trying to ease into the weekend....
> To me (the idiot who can’t make himself get to believe in stuff that potentially could make my life much more comforting) it conveys many deeper truths about human nature. In this instance, that the ideal was to have one man and one woman, never rejecting each other and viewing each other as one....but in practice things are always more complicated...
> 
> ...


It's interesting....we always want God to smite other people for THEIR sins, but never us for ours lol

I am happy I have been spared lightning on more than one occasion. Especially in rush hour traffic.......


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Brazzers For the Faithful



Googled it. Those must be brazzers from other mazzers ‘cos when I grew up, that religion was well hidden from me!
That’s one filthy religion.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Personal said:


> I don't think anyone here, is suggesting that he cheats on his wife. Of which, I don't think he should cheat on his wife either.
> 
> At the end of the day though, if *he isn't happy with 3x a week, isn't willing to settle for less*, and his wife isn't willing to share more. He's left with having sex with others (since marital rape is not okay), as the only way to get more sex. Which means either divorce, swinging, polyamory, consensual non-monogamy and the like or sexual infidelity (cheating).
> 
> Stating thie above isn't encouraging him to cheat, it is simply stating the facts as they stand.


I don't believe the OP explicitly stated this. I'm guessing the OP is in his early 30s, and he's just feeling the flush of hormones that is driving his desire for more frequent sex. I read in one of his posts he states he doesn't use porn. I think if he truly had a circuit breaker where 3 times/week was unacceptable - he'd self serve to augment what he already has thru porn wanking. To me, it sounds like he wants more sex with his wife - not just more sex. I doubt this is a deal breaker for him.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

It looks like the OP left the thread - so this will be a late response. 

I don't post much on the forums anymore, but I've been a member for about 7 years? Most of the people posting in SIM probably don't recognize me, but I've started a few threads similar to what the OP has started - especially around 2012 - 2014. LOL, I remember having people responding in similar ways to me when I was chagrined over having sex "just every other day" and not at the higher frequencies I wanted. I too reacted to those telling me to GTFOH because SIM is not meant for a guy like me but for people with "real problems" by saying IDGAF about their criticisms that I shouldn't be here and that wanting to improve on what I already have is a valid reason to be on SIM. I wasn't an ass to my wife about it but we're all human and she knew that I wanted more frequency. She wanted less, and every other day (except during menstruation week) already was our compromise. LOL, so many memories on this thread!

To @Frozen001: Relax, because you're ultimately wasting your time. Should you try for more? Sure, but only opportunistically. What I mean by that is when the two of you are having a nice moment and it looks like it could be in the cards - go for it. Otherwise, don't waste your time on "the talk". All that does is make the 2 of you unhappy, because it seems clear in your early posts that she's giving all she can based on your current dynamic. If you want more, YOU need to be the one to change and not her. And even if you make changes to try to get a little more frequency it's far from a guarantee that it works. Also, if you change for the better, up your seduction game and you're still around 3X/wk...DO NOT GET RESENTFUL. Just have fun with it and love her. That's all that matters in the end. In fact, recently I proposed to my wife that we back off of some of the frequency that we were doing to just 3 days per week, with only 2 days during her period week on the first and last day of the week. She's been happy with the adjustment and quality of encounters has actually went up! She appreciates having a little more time to "recharge". Plus we have a ton of things going on in our lives now anyways so it's good for us. 

I'm content wrt frequency and her enthusiasm levels, and people who may remember me from awhile ago will be surprised to read that...LOL. I think you and your wife can easily come to a compromise that will make the both of you happy. But that happiness won't be realized until your wife feels safe with you as her partner to the point she can open up and let you in completely. JMHO.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*Too* much of ANY good thing after a while loses it's luster. 

I kind of get the impression that the OP's wife is running at full steam because she wants to please HIM, not because she's got a high libido and actually wants all this sex. And here he is pushing her to increase it. Pfffft.

He'll be lucky if she doesn't start backing off after a while because I think that's exactly what she's going to do. 

His wife reminds me of the people my sister told me about when she ran a gym. At the beginning of every year, all these new people sign up for gym memberships because their New Year's resolution is to get in shape. So she'd see a bunch of new faces every single January.

My March, they were all gone and only the hardcore regulars were still coming on schedule. LOL.

I'm thinking just like those New Year's gym members, the wife is giving it her best, but he's pushing on the gas pedal trying to get even *more* out of her. And, just like the newbies at the gym, I don't think she'll keep this pace up indefinitely. Nope, I don't.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> It looks like the OP left the thread - so this will be a late response.
> 
> I don't post much on the forums anymore, but I've been a member for about 7 years? Most of the people posting in SIM probably don't recognize me, but I've started a few threads similar to what the OP has started - especially around 2012 - 2014. LOL, I remember having people responding in similar ways to me when I was chagrined over having sex "just every other day" and not at the higher frequencies I wanted. I too reacted to those telling me to GTFOH because SIM is not meant for a guy like me but for people with "real problems" by saying IDGAF about their criticisms that I shouldn't be here and that wanting to improve on what I already have is a valid reason to be on SIM. I wasn't an ass to my wife about it but we're all human and she knew that I wanted more frequency. She wanted less, and every other day (except during menstruation week) already was our compromise. LOL, so many memories on this thread!
> 
> ...


Good advice and good to see you posting again!


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

Frozen001 said:


> So been married going in 10 years and me and my wife are finally getting back to a better sex life. My wife she seems like a low drive woman but we have gotten to the point where we have sex at least 3 times a week unless here monthly visitor is here then I to nothing. I still have to initiate or ask but it happens. We have talked a lot about how I would like it every day but she often falls back in she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday... I think this falls back to back when we got married that week leading up to our honeymoon we had sex every day and bam right before we left she got a yeast infection... I cannot remember when we last had one maybe once or twice since then be it is not like a regular thing. I have told her maybe if we slowly increase the frequency her body will adjust but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown so I back off.
> 
> When we have sex it is great and we both enjoy it but I still want to have it more frequently... but after at least 6 months of trying I feel like I have gotten nowhere.
> 
> ...


Don't really want to hear it. Three times a week sounds awesome to me.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Frozen001 said:


> She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
> 
> I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.


I have not read this entire thread, but just wanted to toss in the following comment...

Everyone has a certain ideal frequency of what is enjoyable. For some that may be three times a day and for others that may be three times a month. Certain factors can also make this desired frequency change such as stress (some people want more when stress while others may want less). 

A point I want to convey is that it is equally as problematic to push someone beyond their desired frequency as it is to hold someone back. If your partner pushes you to enjoy more than what is naturally desirable it can actually destroy your libido. This is because the person with the lower frequency then NEVER gets to enjoy anticipation which is where a significant portion of sexual pleasure is derived. 

I have read cases where is actually occurs in BDSM communities for a sub to be forced to orgasm prior to achieving any desire or pleasure. The result is that the sub's sexually is robbed of any and all pleasure during this process. 

In my opinion it is important for your wife to be given enough space to still enjoy the "anticipation" of being together with you in the marriage. This may involve lowering the frequency of intimacy in your marriage if you like the idea of her getting to enjoy more pleasure. 

Something to think about...

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I wonder if it is time to open a new topic titled "frequency" where we can discuss everything from desire, initiation , solo, strategy, and so on without tying it to a particular couples situation. 

Is there Interest?


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## Adel (Jan 4, 2019)

don't force your wife to frequent sex. If you feel good together, then so be it. And attempts to make sex more frequent will lead to rejection. It's not worth it, if you love her. 3 times a week is more than excellent


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## Frozen001 (May 31, 2012)

I have been really hesitant to reply here but I think I will.

First, I am shocked on how negative some people are and some of the heavy handed reply acting like I am being in reasonable really have put me off, and is probably why I hesitate to even reply.

First, I would NEVER cheat, to me that is just a **** move. Our sex life has improved over let last 6 months and I honestly was looking to hear from high frequency couples as to how they got there. 

At the 3x a week I am good with it if it stays there but like I said I would prefer more often... sure if we got to everyday that would be great but to I honestly think we would get there... no and if we did it would probably be a random occurrence not the norm. 

I have been upping my attentiveness and she has definitely responded nicely... just going to have to see what happens. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Frozen001 said:


> I have been really hesitant to reply here but I think I will.
> 
> First, I am shocked on how negative some people are and some of the heavy handed reply acting like I am being in reasonable really have put me off, and is probably why I hesitate to even reply.
> 
> ...


Sorry about the responses.

I tried to answer your query as did a couple of others.

Eat the meat and spit out the bone.


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