# YOur 1st Year of Marriage



## sumblondechick (Nov 6, 2013)

So this is my very first time on the site and posting anything . But, I thought where better than the internet get marriage advice  . Anywho I am 20 years old and my husband and I have been married for about 6 months now. As much as I love being his wife and be married. It has been wonderful and hard at the same time . We have had a couple rough patches already . But always make it through everything together . My question is , everyone says your 1st year is suppose to be amazing and loving and well pretty perfect . Mine hasn't been like that . Anyone else experience something different in their first year of being married ??


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't know who told you that, but they are dead wrong. The first year is when a lot of little problems first come to light and how you each resolve problems now has to be effective TOGETHER. It's also the time when you are still highly passionate toward each other so solving those issues shouldn't be too difficult.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Our first year we were unstoppable, yes we had problems but they didn't matter much. It was mostly full passionate and happiness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

First year can be one of the hardest as you are adapting to your new lives together,


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

OP, what kind if problems are you having?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I think this also depends on how long you had been together before and whether you had been living together. My wife and I were head over heels for our first year TOGETHER, but by the time we got married we were already pretty much like a married couple. And getting married can bring out a lot of the anxieties and frustrations that linger, because you suddenly realize that you've made a life commitment and it can be overwhelming.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

We had some serious stress our first year and it set us up for failure.

I think things would have been better had we not gotten off to a rocky start that had nothing to do with being married.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

We didn't live together before marriage and sex was very vanilla. We never even slept over night together. So our first year was one long honeymoon. Yes there were problems and some unpleasant living conditions but we were pretty much in the fog of marital bliss.


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## Microwavelove (Sep 11, 2013)

Our first year of marriage was our most challenging. It took us a while to get our "groove" and really be able to see eye to eye on a lot of things. Some people have the perfect honeymoon phase at the beginning, but a lot of people don't.


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## OrangeCrush1 (Oct 31, 2013)

Your age has much to do with it. You're practically still a teenager and you're actually married now. 

I assume he's around the same age. Neither of you are ready for this yet.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OrangeCrush1 said:


> Your age has much to do with it. You're practically still a teenager and you're actually married now.
> 
> I assume he's around the same age. Neither of you are ready for this yet.


Maturity does not equal age. There are people twice their age that don't have the maturity for marriage.


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## julianne (Sep 18, 2013)

We were very happy during our first year. We had been together a long time yet everything still felt exciting and new. Whatever problems we did have didn't matter very much because we were in a blissful state :flowerkitty: 

A piece of advice - this is when you establish your routines and boundaries. When we were newlyweds my husband wasn't around a lot because of work and when he was around he was usually half asleep. So I never asked him to help with anything at all. Since I only worked eight hours a day (lol) I did everything around the house. And I mean everything. Bottom line, many years later, I am still doing everything. And that's no fun but it's too late to change it now. So be sure to establish your routines in a way that will make you both happy, now and in the future.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

We were fairly happy our first year, but trouble was lurking. I took on too much responsibility and decision making. This eventually led to resentment five to ten years down the line. What's funny is our pre-marriage counseling nailed this as a future problem and we still fell into it. That first year is a good time to learn how to communicate and compromise, especially if you don't have kids and a big fat mortgage yet. Learn how to swallow your pride and apologize when needed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband were very happy our 1st year.. we were on an emotional high pretty much... never had any big fights or anything.. but we did have 1 crazy issue.. 

We waited till marriage for intercourse & he couldn't get it IN...(it hurt so bad) and he was a very gentle man... a few months in , had to go see the OBGYN for this...and learned we were pregnant (that was a shock)... we were as happy as happy could be... but still had to work on him fully penetrating me...not the normal story by far.. it was our 1st "dilemma" we worked through together.. he couldn't have handled & loved me any better....and we were looking forward to our little boy...



> *Fozzy said*: *Maturity does not equal age. There are people twice their age that don't have the maturity for marriage*.


:iagree: Some claim our brains are not fully developed till age 26...then I heard another say 29..... so no one should marry before this time... there are some couples more mature at age 20 over some age 40...this means very little... it's an individual thing...

It has more to do with ... one's communication skills, self awareness, treating each other with respect, owning our own faults, practicing humility / forgiveness when it is called for.. if a young person was taught these skills in the home growing up..there is more of a chance to carry these into their marriages... But it always takes 2... one's attitude can calm the other or incite them to more anger/ defensiveness...

Learning to compromise and keeping each others "Love Tank" full (Love languages thread below with tests)...will be very helpful in your 1st year... also the 2nd book mentioned
... His Needs, Her Needs:  ...explaining our core emotional needs ... it is excellent...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html


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## farnhamyrl (Nov 6, 2013)

It was mostly full passionate and happiness.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

We sailed through our first year.. in spite of

Only having a 9 day engagement

Becoming a step dad to a 11 yo daughter. I had NO previous experience as a father.

Bought a new house that we both moved into

Got pregnant 6 weeks after we got married.

Had our son 6 weeks before our first wedding anniversary.


We had a very full year! 

What we had going for us was that we were intensely in love.
We were older, (35).
We had talked about how we'd handle money, discipline, spending.. goals, children (we didn't plan on it happening quite that fast)
I had a good steady income.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Our "first year" of marriage was quiet, fun, and I believe quite a bit of sex. Our first years of living together, crazy...we fought constantly, had sex multi times a day. 

We had already lived together for 5 years and had a 4 year old, patched up a few problems and were generally happy. 

But that first few years together it's rough. Both people have to change certain habits and learn another persons habits. You have to get used to sleeping with another person, eating with them, cooking with them, shopping with them, paying bills with them, and setting a budget together

Working out schedules with working, household chores, running errands, cooking with different foods, and learning their tastes, movies, books, bathroom habits....and bodily functions. 

Love languages will help and constant communication. Sex will be the best/worst thing. You have to learn someone else's body, and things they like, and get to know your own body and what things you like/need. 

The first years are very interesting. It was the most funnest bestest slash worst darkest time, at the same time. Maybe we were too young and both too strong willed to understand relationships and how they work.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Our first was like a long honeymoon.
But by year three, lots of trouble and fights came.
It as like all the fights we didn't have in the first two ,came down like an avalanche.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I don't know who told you the first year of marriage is the best...my guess is they're not married. 

I did not live with my husband before marriage. Our first year was rough. Dating someone and living with someone are completely different. Combining families, households, finances, predetermined ways of doing things....it was a struggle. The newlywed sex can get you through it though!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Our first was like a long honeymoon.
> But by year three, lots of trouble and fights came.
> It as like all the fights we didn't have in the first two ,came down like an avalanche.


What was the source of all the friction?


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## OrangeCrush1 (Oct 31, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Maturity does not equal age. There are people twice their age that don't have the maturity for marriage.


We're not talking about 40 year-olds acting like 20 year-olds. We're talking about 20 year-olds acting like 20 year-olds.

Think wishfully all you like, but 20 year-olds should not get married. Hell, I actually think 25 is too soon for most people. At 20 you're just asking for trouble.

If more parents DIScouraged their kids from getting married at young ages, the world would be a better place and people would be much happier. Children would be better raised also.

I know people hate to hear that, but it's the truth.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

hambone said:


> What was the source of all the friction?



I think it was a culmination of " minor" issues that were rug swept during the euphoria of the first two years, and built up resentment over it.
So the all the minor issues together became a major one.

Then I had just started a new business that was demanding and stressful.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think it was a culmination of " minor" issues that were rug swept during the euphoria of the first two years, and built up resentment over it.
> So the all the minor issues together became a major one.
> 
> Then I had just started a new business that was demanding and stressful.


I was at an Aunt and Uncles 50th wedding anniversary.

I asked the uncle.. "What 's the secret to a long and happy marriage".


He looked at me and calmly replied. "Just let her do what she wants to do... She's gonna do it anyway." 

And, I was thinking, I guess that's one way to do it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

hambone said:


> I was at an Aunt and Uncles 50th wedding anniversary.
> 
> I asked the uncle.. "What 's the secret to a long and happy marriage".
> 
> ...


That's pretty bleeping hilarious!

I once heard kind of the same thing. I neighbor, long time married was asked his secret to a long happy marriage.
He said "i just remember to always say 'yes honey!'"


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

hambone said:


> He looked at me and calmly replied. "*Just let her do what she wants to do... She's gonna do it anyway." *
> 
> And, I was thinking, I guess that's one way to do it.


Oh Lord.

That sounds just like my wife!

I kid not!

On the eve of our wedding my MIL called me into her bedroom and told me that!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

The first year of marriage is when you see the habits and faults slowly come out of your spouse and he see's yours and yes you have them too. 

Now you have to adapt and adjust to these quirks. You both have shown your good points and let's face it we all have faults and you have to be able to see past them and find a mutual way to correct them and find resolve. It takes time and patience but if you love each other, you can find compromise and go one. 

The trick to it is "you gotta wanna".


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Oh Lord.
> 
> That sounds just like my wife!
> 
> ...


My wife is like that too... But, she is so smooth and slick in going about it that in the end, she has me doing what she wants me to do... and I'm convinced it was my own idea... and she's congratulating me for being so smart!

It's the women who have to win by any means necessary... and aren't satisfied until you admit to them that they won who are hard to stay married to...


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

The first 1-3 years can be very difficult. Lots of transitions and compromise. It does get better after that if you communicate and treat marriage like a partnership. We've been together over 20 years through kids, illness, financial woes and EA. My advice is to marry your best friend and realize going in that marriage is hard.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

The first year for us was very rough. Personality traits that we hadn't noticed before started coming out once we got married (the commitment in marriage is very important to both of us, so the idea of divorce didn't come into the equation. 

The next two years were the worst because each of us tried to take more control of the relationship

But we remained committed to each other and the marriage, and our marriage is much better now than it was those first few years.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I cheated on her....

Although we were together for about 7 years before we got married.

Well technically I cheated on her right before we got married, when we got married and then 2 months into our marriage. Very good wedding memories for her....


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## perfectstranger (Aug 14, 2010)

We had lived together for about 2 - 2 1/2 years before we got married. My husband was in a serious accident six months before the wedding and the last cast/bandages came off a couple of weeks before.
Financially, we were in terrible shape for the first year and it would get worse before it started to get better. (We're still in the recovery stage and it's forced us to spend much more time apart than I ever expected.) 
The extremity of his injuries threw a wrench into our sex life that I expect we're also still overcoming. Up to that point, it was much less complicated. But I lost a lot of what used to be a high drive in the aftermath of his accident. 
So first year... really wasn't all that wonderful for us! But I still think he's as absurdly wonderful as I did when we decided to get married. Our fights probably wouldn't qualify as fights to most people. FWIW, we're both a bit older than the OP. I expect my brain is about as mature as it's going to get.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

As my wife and I did not live together before we married the 1st year was always going to be a learning experience.

Each of us adjusting from the life of a single person and working at becoming a couple. This was complicated / foreshortened for us as my wife got pregnant within two weeks of our wedding so we only had a short time as "just" a couple before we became a "family".

Not long after our daughter was born we moved away from our extended families so had to deal with all of the trials and tribulations that first time parents have without their help (thankfully they were always available on the end of the phone).

I do not know if it was just an age / maturity think but this was a harder transition for my wife (she was 21 and still living with her parents before the wedding) than it was for me (I was 29 and had not long finished 10 years in the military).

As my wife and I approach our 20th anniversary we do look back at those early years knowing that the lessons / strategies we learned then have served us well.

Communication is the key and Co-Operation / Compromise are as important as Love / Lust. IMHO


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

My marriage SUCKED half the time I've been married. The first year was downright AWFUL. A lot of people think I have a hard backbone and thick skin because I came out alive and still married, lol. They also told me they'd already be divorced.

I think the people who have good first year marriages are very blessed. I am awaiting those blessings. My marriage doesn't suck, in fact we are so much better together now than before. But we haven't been able to experience that honeymoon or passion yet because of a lot of hard circumstances. I wouldn't take back what happened but I'd change how I responded to a lot of things.


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