# Question of the Day for Husbands



## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

I posted this on another thread and thought to ask everyone this question today. 

It is amazing the stories told on the Rejoice Marriage Ministries website. Makes one wonder if they are true. Speaking about waiting on their "prodigal" spouse to return home. But some of those people on there wait for like 8 years!!! 

The question is: How long will you guys wait on your wife to come back? If you KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that your wife will come back to you in a better state of mind than when she left and be more appreciative of you as a man and husband, how long will you wait? If you KNEW she would return and be the wife you always wanted her to be how long will you wait? That's the question of the day. Think it about it. Answer then say why.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

1 year !


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

BigMac said:


> 1 year !


Why a year? Why not 5 years? Why not one month?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

1 month is too short of a time .

5 years ... I won't remember her name by then LOL. I can't wait for her to ride the druggie for 5 years and then to decide the grasses are not greener there . As much as is sound selfish I need my live and enjoy it , so 5 years ... I don't say " can't happen " but I won't wait consciously for her that long.

After 1 year I'll be used to be away from her and will have a new hunny for sure . Again I don't wanna sit around and wait till she decide I'm worth . And I don't wanna be on the Plan B team anymore .


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

BigMac said:


> 1 month is too short of a time .
> 
> 5 years ... I won't remember her name by then LOL. I can't wait for her to ride the druggie for 5 years and then to decide the grasses are not greener there . As much as is sound selfish I need my live and enjoy it , so 5 years ... I don't say " can't happen " but I won't wait consciously for her that long.
> 
> After 1 year I'll be used to be away from her and will have a new hunny for sure . Again I don't wanna sit around and wait till she decide I'm worth . And I don't wanna be on the Plan B team anymore .


I definitely feel you on that. I cannot imagine myself alone for even a year. It has been over 2 months already. I am most certainly not communicating with her anymore. If she files for a divorce over the next 9 months I will have to deal with it, but until then I am not seeing her, contacting her, or anything. But how long will I wait? Man! To have her back, given the history we have, if she came back "fixed" I would say that I would wait forever. BUT....if I were to meet someone in that time who had potential, great personality, great body (I'm superficial like that), and great character and wanted to be in a relationship with me, really loved me and knew how to show it and communicate, I am not sure I would wait at all. Seriously, if I met someone who was clicking on all cylinders and we were just friends now (because I am hurting too much to be anything more than that) and she was still around after the hurt went away, I may close the door at that moment, be it 2, 3, 4 or 5 months from now. I don't know. I guess if I KNEW that she was coming back for sure and I am saying I would not wait due to me finding someone else better, I guess that means I do not love her like I should.

Maybe those are the marriages that are restored (I think I just had an epiphany!). The spouses who wait for eternity for the spouse to return home, usually gets their spouse back. The ones that won't, don't. There's a thought.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

The second after she walked out the door, I'd call a lawyer. 


Solon said:


> Answer then say why.


Why? Because I refuse to sit around with my thumb up my azz while my little sweetie "finds herself" and test drives my replacements.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> The second after she walked out the door, I'd call a lawyer.
> 
> Why? Because I refuse to sit around with my thumb up my azz while my little sweetie "finds herself" and test drives my replacements.


LOL!!:lol: Now that's a man! God, I wish I could be like that. Some women actually like that too. Sometimes I wonder if I did that if that would wake her behind up. I can file for divorce right now and start a nasty legal battle with her that will break her bank and I could reasonably get alimony for two years. Hmmmm...something to think about. Thanks for that post.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

i read somewhere that it typically takes one month for every year married for a WAS to come to thier sences . If that is the case i am in for a 5month wait

I am taking it one day at a time, right now 2.5months separated feels like a long time, but I am not waiting for her anymore, i am moving on with what I want to do in life.

If she comes around we will have to see where i am at. 

Her loss may be someone elses gain! I am becoming the man she fell in love with! I was lost for the last few years (stress, $$$, bad habits) but now i am back!


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

*God, I wish I could be like that. *
Why can't you? If you lost your b*lls, go read _No More Mr. Nice Guy_.

*Some women actually like that too. *
I don't know if they "like" it, but they might respect it. It also may show them that you refuse to be the back-up plan while she shops for an upgrade.

*Sometimes I wonder if I did that if that would wake her behind up*. 
It will work better than you acting like a doormat. The old line applies here - you can't nice guy your way out of this one.

*I can file for divorce right now and start a nasty legal battle with her that will break her bank and I could reasonably get alimony for two years*. 
Go file. If she has any interest in keeping the marriage together, you'll find out quickly. If she's checked out for good, get those alimony checks rolling in.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

HiRoad said:


> i read somewhere that it typically takes one month for every year married for a WAS to come to thier sences . If that is the case i am in for a 5month wait
> 
> I am taking it one day at a time, right now 2.5months separated feels like a long time, but I am not waiting for her anymore, i am moving on with what I want to do in life.
> 
> ...


It has been 2.5 months for me as well and WHOA! That seems like an eternity. When you are used to speaking, laughing, holding someone every day for years, 2.5 months without seeing them or talking to them at all is an eternity.

The last year I was definitely out of it. Work was stressful. I had some serious cases on my hands over the summer. Don't get me wrong, I did not neglect my wife totally, I just wasn't super-husband. Part of me says I will wait forever. Another part of me says, I will wait and take it one day at a time, ready to counter whatever she throws at me. Yet, there is a part of me that wants to do as Thunderstruck said and file for a divorce today! I think if I come to the mindset that I will wait for her for however long it takes our marriage will be restored. The marriage guy, Mort Fartel, says that the marriage is in your hands. I guess that is what he means.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Zappy882000 said:


> Like you said Solon...I'll wait forever but what if she never comes back?


If she never comes back you will never know.

Think about it, if you are waiting forever, that means you will die while waiting. You'll never know because the last thing you'll remember is "I'm waiting on my wife." But I believe if you have that mindset you will be back with your wife. But the patience it will take. Sheesh! Can you do that?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

You guys are killing me here. There are millions of good women out there who would actually want to be with you, but you're going to wait FOREVER for some woman who walked out on you?

F**K. C'mon, men, grab your sack and move forward.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Solon, thinking about actually I don't need to wait a day ! We'll be in court ( and technically divorced ) in 2 days , 11-30 and that is less then 3 months after the BS speech.

I'm seeing a gal right now and I won't wait for my WA to raid the druggie and to decide if she want me back !

WTF ! Who the beep she think is she ?!?!?

Not waiting at all . Moving on and have a fun ... if down the row something happens ... we'll see.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> *God, I wish I could be like that. *
> Why can't you? If you lost your b*lls, go read _No More Mr. Nice Guy_.
> 
> *Some women actually like that too. *
> ...


Hmmmm....you're tempting me Thunder. I SO want to do that. I'll hit her with three counts; 1) desertion, 2) excessive cruelty, and 3) adultery. We live in an at-fault state. I will depose everyone she knows to prove the adultery and embarrass the crap out of her. I will depose her and ask her questions for 7 hours straight, with a 15 min. break here and there. I will subpoena all of her bank records, e-mail, and other documents. I will force her to give me the names and addresses of all the people who counseled her, then, to top it off, I will file a motion asking the courts to order us to go to one of those 3 day retreats as a mediation before the divorce as most states say it is against public policy to divorce and they try to discourage or prevent it.

I don't know. I just don't have the energy for all of that. Plus, it would make her hate me even more than she thinks she does right now.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> You guys are killing me here. There are millions of good women out there who would actually want to be with you, but you're going to wait FOREVER for some woman who walked out on you?
> 
> F**K. C'mon, men, grab your sack and move forward.


:rofl: Tell me where these women are and I will seriously think about it. I hear Brazil is the place.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Solon said:


> It has been 2.5 months for me as well and WHOA! That seems like an eternity. When you are used to speaking, laughing, holding someone every day for years, 2.5 months without seeing them or talking to them at all is an eternity.
> 
> The last year I was definitely out of it. Work was stressful. I had some serious cases on my hands over the summer. Don't get me wrong, I did not neglect my wife totally, I just wasn't super-husband. Part of me says I will wait forever. Another part of me says, I will wait and take it one day at a time, ready to counter whatever she throws at me. Yet, there is a part of me that wants to do as Thunderstruck said and file for a divorce today! I think if I come to the mindset that I will wait for her for however long it takes our marriage will be restored. The marriage guy, Mort Fartel, says that the marriage is in your hands. I guess that is what he means.


I am not saying it was easy, there were days that i sat at work just staring at the screen. There were days were i wanted to call her and convince her what a good life we could have. 

I was the same way, i was not a bad husband, just not myself. I too, sometimes feel like i will wait forever, but i tell myself constantly that "i deserve better.." 

The minute i started to push the D and split everything up she freaked out! So i slowed everything down. Now we are at the point of limited contact (just exchanges of the kids) thats it. I agree with Mort (i get his emails too) that the marriage is in your hands. But every situation is differnet and only YOU know what to do. Dont focus all your energy and time into "fixing" the marriage.

You need to get a life, focus on you, do things that you have put off for a while. The minute i made that decision, i started to understand how powerful this really is.

It really brings out the alpha male which women crave.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I am not a man, but I am going to answer it anyway. I wouldn't take him back. The moment he decided to put his foot out the door, would be the moment he gave up on the marriage. I couldn't be with a person who lost his faith in me once and might do it again. I would not want to be with a person who does not take his wedding vows seriously and is not willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work. 
I would always wonder! And life is to short to live in doubt.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Memento said:


> I am not a man, but I am going to answer it anyway. I wouldn't take him back. The moment he decided to put his foot out the door, would be the moment he gave up on the marriage. I couldn't be with a person who lost his faith in me once and might do it again. I would not want to be with a person who does not take his wedding vows seriously and is not willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work.
> I would always wonder! And life is to short to live in doubt.


Interesting coming from a woman's point of view. Thanks, Memento.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Solon said:


> and 3) adultery.
> 
> Plus, it would make her hate me even more than she thinks she does right now.


She cheated on you. She walked out on the marriage, probably so she could keep b*nging the OM without you bothering her.

And you're worried about her hating you more than she does now? I need to hold back so that I don't get banned, but man, does this pizz me off.

Where the hell is your self-respect? File on her cheating azz.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> She cheated on you. She walked out on the marriage, probably so she could keep b*nging the OM without you bothering her.
> 
> And you're worried about her hating you more than she does now? I need to hold back so that I don't get banned, but man, does this pizz me off.
> 
> Where the hell is your self-respect? File on her cheating azz.


I don't think she has committed adultery, but I will file just so I can use those avenues to get information. I am pretty sure she has not cheated....yet anyway.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Solon said:


> Interesting coming from a woman's point of view. Thanks, Memento.


You are welcome. 

Women like decisive men! Not someone that they can take for granted. That is why the nice guys always get screwed over. Dont be one. Be with someone that RESPECTS AND LOVES YOU! 

There are plenty of good women out there.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Memento said:


> You are welcome.
> 
> Women like decisive men! Not someone that they can take for granted. That is why the nice guys always get screwed over. Dont be one. Be with someone that RESPECTS AND LOVES YOU!
> 
> There are plenty of good women out there.


Could not agree with this more! You need to grab the bull by the horns! 

Women like aplha males! Dont be a d*** but firm and assertive.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I don't know how long I'll wait. I thought we had a beautiful life together. Beautiful Daughter. Sh.t hit the fan after the affair and we lost everything in our seasonal business. 

She says she "feels her life is heading in the right direction finally" WTF!? Really, after 11 years and a 3 yo daughter. ok. 

Why would I wait? Because I know who she can be again and what life we can have. For my daughter as well. Momma may have made some bad decisions but if she can turn things around and get responsible again, there's no reason little JoJo's life could be "whole" as far as family goes. 

She MAY be sick. She may have BPD or something. I don't know if I'd WANT to deal with it again once I get over everything. 

Waiting period may become shorter than expected in other words.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Memento said:


> You are welcome.
> 
> Women like decisive men! Not someone that they can take for granted. That is why the nice guys always get screwed over. Dont be one. Be with someone that RESPECTS AND LOVES YOU!
> 
> There are plenty of good women out there.


Where? Where are they?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Zilch chance of ever getting back with me. I wouldn't take her back no matter how much she pleaded and begged. She chose to have a EA and break up our marriage. If I was a mean person I'd at least let her grovel for mercy a little, sleep with her then kick her out, but I have more respect for myself then that. Though the thought of it brings a evil grin to my mouth.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Solon said:


> Where? Where are they?


I can assure you they are not in Brazil. I have been there and they are not all that.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

**Scratches Brazil off list**

One down a few thousand more places to go!


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Memento said:


> I can assure you they are not in Brazil. I have been there and they are not all that.


Well they are definitely not in Maryland. Where then? I heard Canada has some really great women, on all levels.


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## tokio (Nov 9, 2012)

As much as I miss mine idk if its worth a year to wait for her to make up her mind. Too many things would have changed. Life doesn't stop. I'm not someone that she can feel he can hop in and out of my life with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Solon said:


> Well they are definitely not in Maryland. Where then? I heard Canada has some really great women, on all levels.


 Funny thing, I heard the same thing!


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

tokio said:


> As much as I miss mine idk if its worth a year to wait for her to make up her mind. Too many things would have changed. Life doesn't stop. I'm not someone that she can feel he can hop in and out of my life with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A year can be long....or it can be a short time. It is all relative. You've heard the saying, "put your hand on a hot stove and a second seems like an hour, put your hand on a hot woman's **** and an hour seems like a second." I think if you are really occupied during the year and totally enthralled in that thing or things, a year will pass by really quickly. If you are sitting around watching the hours pass then a year may seem like eternity.

On another note: Is it wrong for me to go out and meet women? I know some say, "Absolutely." I am still married and should not. Others say, "well if she left you, what are you supposed to do? She's doing it." So it is confusing. Do I allow her actions to dictate my actions? Or do I do whatever the heck I want to do and self proclaim myself to be single? I met a woman two weeks ago. Not to sound like I am the man or anything, but I took her out to dinner one time, the next day she sends me these long emails about how she has been saving herself and she talked to God about me and she believes I am the one. We talk for a week, she comes over, and says she loves me, she has never met anyone like me, and she wants us to really get to know each other. I tell her I am married and all hell breaks loose. "Why didn't you tell me when we first met"---"Well....I really didn't have time to," is all I could say; and I really didn't. She talked about herself 90% of the time.

She was totally devastated. Needless to say, we no longer talk. She told me to please divorce my wife so she can be with me, but until then she cannot talk to me because she wants me too much. Oh, well. 

I feel badly about it because the truth of the matter is, I am married and there is a fine line when it comes to befriending a woman, a single woman and remaining just friends. When they see a successful man who is interested in talking to them, who has a head on his shoulders and treats them with respect, they think "this is the one! Thank You, God." But then they find out you are married and they are hurt. It's really tough, this situation I am in, no, we are in. Really tough.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Memento said:


> Funny thing, I heard the same thing!


Really??? Are you in Canada, Memento? :scratchhead:


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> The second after she walked out the door, I'd call a lawyer.
> 
> Why? Because I refuse to sit around with my thumb up my azz while my little sweetie "finds herself" and test drives my replacements.


:iagree:

Especially if the reason she left was another man.

It would be clear to me that she was NEVER the woman I thought she was and I could NEVER be with her again, even if it meant I'd spend my final years alone


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Solon said:


> Really??? Are you in Canada, Memento? :scratchhead:


Nah. But, I have family there.
I'm below the Mason-Dixon line


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Memento said:


> Nah. But, I have family there.
> I'm below the Mason-Dixon line


What? Like in S. Carolina?


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Not to sound like I am the man or anything, but I took her out to dinner one time, the next day she sends me these long emails about how she has been saving herself and she talked to God about me and she believes I am the one. We talk for a week, she comes over, and says she loves me, she has never met anyone like me, and she wants us to really get to know each other. I tell her I am married and all hell breaks loose. "Why didn't you tell me when we first met"---"Well....I really didn't have time to," is all I could say; and I really didn't. She talked about herself 90% of the time.


There is no amount of physical beauty that would make up for this wack job of a woman. Freakshow. Run, Solon, Run.


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## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

Solon said:


> Hmmmm....you're tempting me Thunder. I SO want to do that. I'll hit her with three counts; 1) desertion, 2) excessive cruelty, and 3) adultery. We live in an at-fault state. I will depose everyone she knows to prove the adultery and embarrass the crap out of her. I will depose her and ask her questions for 7 hours straight, with a 15 min. break here and there. I will subpoena all of her bank records, e-mail, and other documents. I will force her to give me the names and addresses of all the people who counseled her, then, to top it off, I will file a motion asking the courts to order us to go to one of those 3 day retreats as a mediation before the divorce as most states say it is against public policy to divorce and they try to discourage or prevent it.
> 
> I don't know. I just don't have the energy for all of that. Plus, it would make her hate me even more than she thinks she does right now.


Do it. If anything she will respect the fact that you are not going to be a doormat waiting around for her while she's of doing whatever the hell she wants. That makes you a permanent plan B. We need to stand up for ourselves and let them know that we are not ok with being lied to, manipulated or cheated on.


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## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

Solon said:


> A year can be long....or it can be a short time. It is all relative. You've heard the saying, "put your hand on a hot stove and a second seems like an hour, put your hand on a hot woman's **** and an hour seems like a second." I think if you are really occupied during the year and totally enthralled in that thing or things, a year will pass by really quickly. If you are sitting around watching the hours pass then a year may seem like eternity.
> 
> On another note: Is it wrong for me to go out and meet women? I know some say, "Absolutely." I am still married and should not. Others say, "well if she left you, what are you supposed to do? She's doing it." So it is confusing. Do I allow her actions to dictate my actions? Or do I do whatever the heck I want to do and self proclaim myself to be single? I met a woman two weeks ago. Not to sound like I am the man or anything, but I took her out to dinner one time, the next day she sends me these long emails about how she has been saving herself and she talked to God about me and she believes I am the one. We talk for a week, she comes over, and says she loves me, she has never met anyone like me, and she wants us to really get to know each other. I tell her I am married and all hell breaks loose. "Why didn't you tell me when we first met"---"Well....I really didn't have time to," is all I could say; and I really didn't. She talked about herself 90% of the time.
> 
> ...


She sounds like a train wreck anyway. You need some time off so your radar gets better. If any woman told me that crap after one date I would run like hell.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Solon said:


> On another note: Is it wrong for me to go out and meet women? I know some say, "Absolutely." I am still married and should not. Others say, "well if she left you, what are you supposed to do? She's doing it." So it is confusing. Do I allow her actions to dictate my actions? Or do I do whatever the heck I want to do and self proclaim myself to be single? I met a woman two weeks ago. Not to sound like I am the man or anything, *but I took her out to dinner one time, the next day she sends me these long emails about how she has been saving herself and she talked to God about me and she believes I am the one. We talk for a week, she comes over, and says she loves me, she has never met anyone like me, and she wants us to really get to know each other.* * I tell her I am married and all hell breaks loose. "Why didn't you tell me when we first met"---"Well....I really didn't have time to," is all I could say; and I really didn't. She talked about herself 90% of the time.*
> 
> *She was totally devastated.* Needless to say, we no longer talk. She told me to please divorce my wife so she can be with me, but until then she cannot talk to me because she wants me too much. Oh, well.


OK, I have to say here, Solon -- her behavior on the date, and that kind of reaction after one date are HUGE red flags. An emotionally healthy person does not react that way after one date. That is not putting you down, that's saving you from a potential bunny boiler. 

Those are exactly the kinds of things to look out for if you want to avoid a potential abuser or someone with a personality disorder. Seriously.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> OK, I have to say here, Solon -- her behavior on the date, and that kind of reaction after one date are HUGE red flags. An emotionally healthy person does not react that way after one date. That is not putting you down, that's saving you from a potential bunny boiler.
> 
> Those are exactly the kinds of things to look out for if you want to avoid a potential abuser or someone with a personality disorder. Seriously.



I second that!


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> There is no amount of physical beauty that would make up for this wack job of a woman. Freakshow. Run, Solon, Run.


LOL!


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> OK, I have to say here, Solon -- her behavior on the date, and that kind of reaction after one date are HUGE red flags. An emotionally healthy person does not react that way after one date. That is not putting you down, that's saving you from a potential bunny boiler.
> 
> Those are exactly the kinds of things to look out for if you want to avoid a potential abuser or someone with a personality disorder. Seriously.


She was a desperate soul that saw a meal ticket in me. We don't speak anymore. But I do miss speaking to a female----at night---about life. Not anything sexual, but the conversation of a woman, the sound of a woman's voice is so soothing to me. My wife and I used to talk a lot at night. I miss that.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Of course. Most of us miss that kind of thing. The trick is to not let that desire override the things we should have learned from our break-ups.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Solon said:


> She was a desperate soul that saw a meal ticket in me. We don't speak anymore. But I do miss speaking to a female----at night---about life. Not anything sexual, but the conversation of a woman, the sound of a woman's voice is so soothing to me. My wife and I used to talk a lot at night. I miss that.


I suggest going to blip.fm. It is essentially a music site, but I know a couple of people that met through there and today they are successfully and happily married. Ironically, the guy had been dumped by is wife too. 
I don't know if you are going to find the women of your dreams there, but its worth the shot... I guess. :smthumbup:


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> But I do miss speaking to a female----at night---about life. Not anything sexual, but the conversation of a woman, the sound of a woman's voice is so soothing to me. My wife and I used to talk a lot at night. I miss that.


Ok. You gotta get rid of this type of thinking......Now.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> That is not putting you down, that's saving you from a potential bunny boiler.


:rofl:

I see my movie reference has become part of your lexicon.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Isn't that part of the TAM glossary, too? lol


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

It should be. Bunny Boiler is hilarious. Should be in your dictionary you are authoring. 

You can use Solon's story as an example of a classic bunny boiler.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> Ok. You gotta get rid of this type of thinking......Now.


Yeah, I do.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

My wife got caught on Friday and I was at the lawyers on Monday. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Doesn't mean I wouldn't take her back. However, as each day passes her chances become slimmer and slimmer. I deserve better.


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

GutPunch said:


> My wife got caught on Friday and I was at the lawyers on Monday. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Doesn't mean I wouldn't take her back. However, as each day passes her chances become slimmer and slimmer. I deserve better.


How did she get caught?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

GutPunch said:


> My wife got caught on Friday and I was at the lawyers on Monday. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Doesn't mean I wouldn't take her back. However, as each day passes her chances become slimmer and slimmer. I deserve better.



Caught in what ?


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Posts like this amaze me. I'm beginning to wonder if I've never been in love. Take her back? Why??


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Caught in what ?


Bangin' posOM.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

GutPunch said:


> My wife got caught on Friday and I was at the lawyers on Monday. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Doesn't mean I wouldn't take her back. However, as each day passes her chances become slimmer and slimmer. I deserve better.


Sorry to hear, but hats off to you for KNOWING that you deserve better.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

caladan said:


> Posts like this amaze me. I'm beginning to wonder if I've never been in love. Take her back? Why??


Has nothing to do with you being in love.

Posts like this about holding on for your WW have everything to do with not loving yourself.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

If she was sick and in a coma and they said that she would wake up 100% but not sure when, I would wait for her as long as it takes. Not sure how I'll handle the no sex part but maybe there's a pill to help lower your T-levels :0

If she walked out and there is no infidelity, maybe a month.

If she walked out because of infidelity, she can keep on going. I can easily upgrade if I want to. I love my wife and would never cheat on her again but I'm not that type of person who can forgive someone for doing that to me. Sorry for the double standard but life isn't fair.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

How long would I wait? The question is How long will I wait for me to let go of the idea?

My wife eventually left for posOM and she did a fair amount of cake-eating after D-Day. I got caught in Limbo for a few weeks due to false R's, etc. The reason I held on was blind faith (I thought her "fog" would fade) and because of the kids.

I see people saying they'd never take her back if she left for OM, but you still have feelings for her despite the anger, disgust, etc. If she was to leave him for me (and for ME, and not because it didn't work).. then I could wait a couple of more months. I'll give her one month per year of marriage.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

spun said:


> Bangin' posOM.



OMG , if I cough her doing that I wouldn't wait 1 day , will be done forever and ever !


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> 27 years.
> 
> Because that's how long I waited for her to come to me.


That's a long time


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> 27 years.
> 
> Because that's how long I waited for her to come to me.


And what then, FS? What if she still isn't back, you're 27 years older and have missed out on 27 years of life and love? Why would you do that? 

You didn't wait 27 years for her. You were a child, a teenager, etc., during most of that time. You weren't waiting for her then. You were living your life.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> 27 years.
> 
> Because that's how long I waited for her to come to me.


27 days is 26 too many.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Solon-I think this is the thread you told me about. Well when you are married, better or worse and sickness and in health, till death to you part. Okay....things weren't peaches n roses so she decides I want out. Ok...get out....discover a hobby, like rational thought. After 15 years and she walks away with out a fight....I would not wait on a Happy Meal to have her back. She had herself in bad spots $wise and I fought hell and high water to help her. Raised her child as my own. And she leaves lol. There are too many women out there who pray for a guy to respect them and treat them with kindness. Let her find herself....she will....and it will be very lonely. Jesus never married.............that's a hint lmao


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> 27 years.
> 
> Because that's how long I waited for her to come to me.


Just to make sure I understand - did she leave you for 27 years (while you waited for her to come back), 

OR

Were you 27 years old when you met her?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Indefinitely~ within reason, of course! 

But since there was the subsequent discovery of my STBXW's nearly 2 year prior covert trysts with two different OM from her past, and my finding out about it well after the inception of our separation~ well, let's just say that there will be no waiting around period set up for her.

Infidelity, as well as it's resulting deception will never be rewarded, at least in my book!


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> The second after she walked out the door, I'd call a lawyer.
> 
> Why? Because I refuse to sit around with my thumb up my azz while my little sweetie "finds herself" and test drives my replacements.


This is exactly where i am now. She wanted to "separate", but I said no, we either work on the divorce or work on the marriage. 

Emotionally, I just cant sit around and wait for her to determine if i ok enough to stick around for. Somewhere for goodness sake, there is a woman who will adore me the way she once did. If I am that tough of a decision, then to me the decision has been made.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

spun said:


> Bangin' posOM.


I know i would be waiting if this happened to me. Waiting for my 50 years to life to finish so I can see sunlight again.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

staystrong said:


> How long would I wait? The question is How long will I wait for me to let go of the idea?
> 
> My wife eventually left for posOM and she did a fair amount of cake-eating after D-Day. I got caught in Limbo for a few weeks due to false R's, etc. The reason I held on was blind faith (I thought her "fog" would fade) and because of the kids.
> 
> I see people saying they'd never take her back if she left for OM, but you still have feelings for her despite the anger, disgust, etc. If she was to leave him for me (and for ME, and not because it didn't work).. then I could wait a couple of more months. I'll give her one month per year of marriage.


So you would take her back after she test drives the new guy and decides that maybe, for now, you are still the better option? After 13 years of marriage, I am not waiting 13 months for her to see if she can do better than me.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> And I will wait.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow...Once she told me she wanted out, my waiting stopped. I would have walked a mile across hot broken glass for her. But when she told me she wants out, and there is someone else...im done.

I have to limit my waiting to what is reasonable. Its not a question of the longer you wait, the more you love someone. There is a point when your waiting is simply pathetic.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> And I will wait.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dan, Dan, Dan.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> And I will wait.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How sad. I hope you believe someday that you have value, and that you should not sit around waiting indefinitely for some woman who doesn't want to be with you.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

So, don't decide for Him what the answer should be.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> The Lord will answer my prayers.


Sometimes He wants you out of your comfort zone too. Growth as a person is often gained from change. That's my opinion. Each their own.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> And I will wait.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am going to be very blunt about this: As a woman I can assure that will not score any points with her. Quite frankly it sounds like you are mentally and emotionly unbalanced. 

Man up and stop wasting your life. I have been in your shoes and after 8 years of wasting my life, I decided to start living instead o feeling sorry for myself.

You only live once, and I sure ain't going to spend my life crying over some loser who did not appreciate me. I found someone who does!


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Garry2012 said:


> Sometimes He wants you out of your comfort zone too. Growth as a person is often gained from change. That's my opinion. Each their own.


Perhaps God has someone even better for him. 
When I asked to be with someone who made me unhappy, He did not listen. But the day I started to ask God to meet someone who loved and appreciated me, He heard me.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Memento said:


> You only live once, and I sure ain't going to spend my life crying over some loser who did not appreciate me. I found someone who does!


Fastest way I got over someone, was I found someone else! Basically what my STBXW did....she just did it while we were married.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

FS-Here is how things usually go and how it was for me. My first love, ah yes...untainted, pure....never have another. Well my second LTR was 10x as better.. My third may be over but it was a wonderful time for the most part and I think I really understood what love meant. If it is over, you can't dwell. Somewhere out there is a fourth....and the way it appears, will eclipse all three. There is life after a broken heart. You learn through adversity. As Richard Marx sang in 1992, "you've got to break those chains around your heart." You will find love.....I promise you that. But it can't find you until you move from dispare to moving on.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

FS-You're human. Just like me, Conrad, OvertheTop. We're all human. I recommend reading Plato's Apology, the cave and the light. Yeah boring read but there is a message. You can rise from the ashes. I did, that means you can. I am in no way special, therefore there is no reason you can't.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> "Its not a question of the longer you wait, the more you love someone. There is a point when your waiting is simply pathetic"
> 
> "How sad. I hope you believe someday that you have value, and that you should not sit around waiting indefinitely for some woman who doesn't want to be with you"
> 
> ...


Your not waiting. Your are not pathetic. You just aren't putting forth the effort to break your codependence.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> *Well, I'll be honest with myself the Dan. She left you because you were an alcoholic head case who did not treat her right during her pregnancy. You were anxious, scared, had no self esteem or confidence. You did not pursue your hobbies because you had no motivation because you were a slack bastard. You were never there for her emotionally, and you did not listen to her when she tried to tell you to stop drinking, and you did not listen when her dad tried to tell you. You deserve this, Dan.
> 
> No wonder your wife left you. Because she saw you as an unfit father and a weak husband. No one can blame her for leaving you.
> 
> It was the best thing for our baby and the best thing for her. You had it all, and you ruined it, so now you must suffer the consequences.*



Amin !


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Forever Sad said:


> *Well, I'll be honest with myself the Dan. She left you because you were an alcoholic head case who did not treat her right during her pregnancy. You were anxious, scared, had no self esteem or confidence. You did not pursue your hobbies because you had no motivation because you were a slack bastard. You were never there for her emotionally, and you did not listen to her when she tried to tell you to stop drinking, and you did not listen when her dad tried to tell you. You deserve this, Dan.
> 
> No wonder your wife left you. Because she saw you as an unfit father and a weak husband. No one can blame her for leaving you.
> 
> It was the best thing for our baby and the best thing for her. You had it all, and you ruined it, so now you must suffer the consequences.*


So, you can own your faults.

Good job.

Now, forgive yourself.


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