# High drive wife, husband with health issue



## Angela88 (Mar 12, 2018)

My husband has back pain. Our sex is amazing when he is doing better but often times, he is in pain so he doesnt want sex which I completely understand.
I am sexually very active and am not very good at handling stress from lack of sex. Of course I try to take care of it myself but it just isn't enough. Besides, due to our living situation, I don't have much privacy.
To top this off, we are in a process of recovering out relationship from nearly divorcing last year. Long story short, I was not handling my stress from life & lack of sex very well so I was a *****. He was not happy and he cheated. 
This is merely resentment. I won't cheat on him just because that is how I choose my life. And our relationship is great now. We are recovering. But I can't help with a thought in the back of my head, ' why was I loyal to a guy who cheated on me while I'm suffering from sexual frustration?'.
This thoughts makes me feel apart from him. What do I do? Im looking for genuine advice from wisdom.

(+) I'm not taking blame for his cheating. No matter what happened in our relationship, he is solely responsible for that. But I do understand that I was not dealing with my emotion well. 
However, that's a separate issue.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

It sounds like your husband's back was good enough to sleep with another woman. Either way, he didn't cheat because you were being a "*****". Don't take the blame for his actions.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

He has back pain and can't have sex with you, but he can go and **** some other broad?

Are you sure this shouldn't be posted in the Coping with infidelity section?

Get a good selection of toys and lock the bedroom door so you can have privacy. I would probably send him packing if it was me.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

He successful convinced you that you are to blame for his cheating. Don't you know that is what all cheaters do? Some are successful because their betrayed spouse is so hurt and confused by the whole incident. They buy any excuse accompanied by "I'm sorry" and "I love you."

But, regarding your problem now, consider talking to him about you finding someone just for the purpose of maintenance. He won't like the idea. He can do what he wants in his mind but you can't is the way he would feel. It won't matter that he already violated the marriage, and also won't matter that he can't take care of you. But at least you won't be cheating, and you also don't have to look at it as revenge. It's just maintenance. Just tell him what you're going to do.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Angela88 said:


> My husband has back pain. Our sex is amazing when he is doing better but often times, he is in pain so he doesnt want sex which I completely understand.
> I am sexually very active and am not very good at handling stress from lack of sex. Of course I try to take care of it myself but it just isn't enough. Besides, due to our living situation, I don't have much privacy.
> To top this off, we are in a process of recovering out relationship from nearly divorcing last year. Long story short, I was not handling my stress from life & lack of sex very well so I was a *****. He was not happy and he cheated.
> This is merely resentment. I won't cheat on him just because that is how I choose my life. And our relationship is great now. We are recovering. But I can't help with a thought in the back of my head, ' why was I loyal to a guy who cheated on me while I'm suffering from sexual frustration?'.
> ...


I am not buying his back problem at all, he cheated with someone else and seems as if he has managed to convince you that you were the problem. I think your husband had a sense of entitlement and has not really invested back in the relationship in spite of what you say. 
Were there any consequences? When a marriage is troubled it is easy to be a *****. His lack of attention to you was a result of his cheating not the other way around, I think you have to reassess the scenario. Maybe he does not want sex with you and still fantasises about the other woman. I would not be so ready to reconcile with him. 
Re access where you are now.


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

Train wreck. 

One issue at a time. First, your sexual frustration. If he is taking pain meds, that really cuts Mr. Happy's performance down. 

That's tough, and although you can make up for it partially by having him use sex toys with you, it isn't the same thing. Nevertheless it is something to try. He should show a willingness to do what he can. Personally when it comes to that point I am going to get a super magnum size and give her the whole nine yards, lol. 

If he isn't taking pain meds then hon, I put out for my wife to the point where my body is just wracked with pain and I cannot sleep. I had a complete hip replacement and the other one needs it too. I got bursitis in the one that was replaced and the other just hurts from needing the surgery. 

I figure putting out like this is worth it. I have thought about going to the pain clinic, and maybe he should too. But in the meantime I am just going to keep doing my job and living with the pain. 

The affair, sheesh. Always good to compound our problems I guess...


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Angela88 said:


> But I can't help with a thought in the back of my head, ' why was I loyal to a guy who cheated on me while I'm suffering from sexual frustration?'.
> This thoughts makes me feel apart from him. What do I do?


You have to replace this thought with another which does not make you feel apart from your husband. Your loyalty to him is a matter of your own convictions and possibly your desire to please your Lord. 

Whenever that thought comes to you, provide an "argument" to yourself, that incorporates good judgement and high standards of morality.

Another good replacement thought is that you love and respect your husband and you want to do everything possible to have a good marriage with him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

My wife is currently experiencing some health issues that have slowed sex a little for us. I am HD like you and get frustrated as well. Mrs. Conan does her best however and is very loving towards me and affectionate.

If she pulled what your husband did, she would be dumped at her parents with divorce papers taped to her cheating ass.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I really believe that your title should have actually been "High Drive Wife, Husband with 'Cheating' Issue!"

Your H's back sure as Hell didn't make him find another woman to go off and cheat with!

Having said that, I'd greatly have to speculate that there is something more deep-seeded here!

Have the two of you done MC or IC?*


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## Angela88 (Mar 12, 2018)

What is MC and IC?


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## Angela88 (Mar 12, 2018)

I'm considering. He just isn't enough to me. Not just sexually but affection wise.


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## Angela88 (Mar 12, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *I really believe that your title should have actually been "High Drive Wife, Husband with 'Cheating' Issue!"
> 
> Your H's back sure as Hell didn't make him find another woman to go off and cheat with!
> 
> ...



What is MC and IC?


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## Angela88 (Mar 12, 2018)

StarFires said:


> He successful convinced you that you are to blame for his cheating. Don't you know that is what all cheaters do? Some are successful because their betrayed spouse is so hurt and confused by the whole incident. They buy any excuse accompanied by "I'm sorry" and "I love you."
> 
> But, regarding your problem now, consider talking to him about you finding someone just for the purpose of maintenance. He won't like the idea. He can do what he wants in his mind but you can't is the way he would feel. It won't matter that he already violated the marriage, and also won't matter that he can't take care of you. But at least you won't be cheating, and you also don't have to look at it as revenge. It's just maintenance. Just tell him what you're going to do.


I'm considering. He just isn't enough to me. Not just sexually but affection wise.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MC - Marriage Counseling
IC - Individual Counseling


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Angela88 said:


> What is MC and IC?


*Thanks, @jlg07 , for answering that for me! I should have just spelled it out instead of employing the acronyms!*


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Oh how I wish my wife was high drive. Your hubby is lucky in that respect and a sap for not taking full advantage of it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

VermiciousKnid said:


> Oh how I wish my wife was high drive. Your hubby is lucky in that respect and a sap for not taking full advantage of it.


Even worse! He cheated on a high drive wife!!!!:surprise:


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Even worse! He cheated on a high drive wife!!!!:surprise:


Yeah, that blows my mind. To each his own but if I had a high drive wife I wouldn't even be at work this morning. I'd be home making sweet love to her until we were both so sore we'd be forced to take a temporary break for medical reasons. Once the chaffing cleared up we'd be right back at it. :wink2:


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Lots of men would love to have a high drive wife. It's sound like heaven if you haven't got it.

With regard to his adultery it is alway going to be in the background unless he expresses sincerely to you how sorry he was about it. This needs to be real not just words. If he does get to that place then and only then you need to forgive. Forgiving someone in this situation without his repentance will only make you a doormat. You need to bring it up if it is on your mind. It won't go away and needs to be dealt with.


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