# Husband Journal revealed the affair



## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

I have posted in a different thread abt my marital woes but I need specific advise/thoughts about this.

In July, My husband expressed disatisfaction about our marriage and I was Gobsmacked at the time but I didn't suspect an affair. In september I was cleaning out his tennis bag and came across a notebook. I opened it (he has many lying around as he is a writer). The entry was essentially a love letter to a woman he knows describing that he loves her wants her and needs her and that while on vacation with me he masturbated endlessly thinking about her. Also that even if they are never together in the end that she had changed him and that he would never be able to be with another woman. Nothing in there about me, just his feelings for her and that she was his best friend and lifemate.

We are in MC together now, I have confronted him about the EA possibly PA. I snooped after that and found texts and emails no proof of a PA but I think there was although he will not admit to that. I think he suspects that I read the journal, he has since removed it from the house. He also expressed in later entries some things that he resented about me. I don't know if he wrote those actual feelings and thoughts to the OW, but there were so many emails and texts that were deleted that I have to think that things did go that far.

Thing is, I don't think that I should confess that I read his journal. I honestly didn't expect to find something so personal in his tennis bag. I am snooping like crazy now but feel justified because the affair has come to light. 

Reading that was very painful and the words haunt me but I feel that I should move on and use what I learned to help heal our marriage. Part of our problem is that he never really expressed his unhappiness to me. In our MC sessions some things are being revealed finally.

The temptation is strong to tell him what I read since he denies that the affair was physical.

What do i do?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Why hold back? You are in counseling can you ask the MC their opinion privately? 

Mine is as a BS I've never been one to snoop but when my gut told me to I did. I wasn't sorry I snooped I was sorry that I was right! I never apologized for looking for a fire because I smelled smoke. I never will. Hey, I've gone in my husbands gym bag just doing laundry. When I was snooping I was surprised I didn't tear the plaster off the walls. 

If you still feel as if you haven't gotten to the truth what exactly are you working on healing and forgiving?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

An EA is bad enough, don't obsess about an PA and repair what ca be done. He mentioned dissatisfaction, so that is a plus on his side. 

But....don't mention your source for now and keep a silent eye on the possibilities of an ongoing EA/PA.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Use a VAR.

A good writer needs to imagine the feelings of others. He seems only to think of his own.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

You are in MC but I think you don't have the full story yet, in other words, the truth. Without it MC is a waste of time and money. 

He MUST give you a timeline of where and when he met her, how often they met etc. If you don't know this information, you will never be OK. Do some more digging, his credit card statements etc. Look at his cellphone bills so see if he called her. Put a VAR in his car in case he is phoning her. Did they have any opportunity to have a PA? 

He certainly felt very intensely about his OW 'soulmate' only weeks ago. 

It's hard to get an idea of where he is at from your post though. As far as PA goes you said there were many emails and texts deleted, but I gather others weren't. That fact alone would have me suspicious as well as if he told her he was masturbating which definitely suggests it wasn't just an EA. 

I'm sorry you are here.


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

Thanks **********. The story that I have is what I have pieced together on my own. I raised this in MC yesterday. I told him that I read his journal and that was my source of pain and grief about the affair. He was very upset that I read that and said it was his thoughts and fantasy, not necessarily the truth. We are working on it but he feels that his affair is a diagnosis of the problems that we had.

I've done all the work by looking at his cellphone, emails, spoke to the OW H and even spied on them. I am sure that he is no longer seeing her, so maybe we can move forward but I know that some work needs to be done. 

Yes, See Listen Love I do have to stop obsess about the PA and we are communicating. That is good advice thank you.

And yes a good writer DOES need to imagine other's feelings....hmmm. That's very useful! So right.

Thank you for your responses. I'm working on myself ALOT and it helps.


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