# The fallen will rise



## I will rise again (Apr 13, 2016)

It was March the 3rd, two days before my 44th Birthdays when my wife came home after seeing a life coach to say that she wanted a new future, a future without me. I didn't see it coming, the two months before this date had been a little difficult. My wife is fulfilling a life long ambition to run a marathon, so with all her training and early nights communication and closeness had not been great, but I believed this was just a temporary situation. We ave had a great marriage, a model marriage in the eyes of others, we communicated well or at least that is what I thought. 
So for the last six weeks I have been through what I can only describe as a nightmare. I have been so desperately hurt, I have felt such anger and hatred that I didn't not recognize myself. I denied what was happening and shut myself off from the world.

I have embraced isolation and depression as a coping mechanism, I have poisoned my mind with the darkest most irrational thoughts you could imagine. I have gone on the offensive via email to my wife to cause her as much emotional pain as possible, I have retaliated to the one I love!

I haven't coped well, although tonight I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, providing I shut of the negative thoughts. I have spent nights awake thinking through everything, gone back as far as I can to text messages to see what went wrong. When my wife broke this news to me, I made a huge mistake, I took it so personally that I caused more damage to the point today when even when I wish for it more than anything, I can never get her back.

She said she had had these feelings for two years, this hurt me so much, how did I not see it! I had given my wife everything, at least materially, but held back on the things that cost nothing, strong emotional support.

It is so easy to take for granted what you have and forget that the things you love the most need to feel appreciated, holidays and jewelry are not a substitute 

So here I am living in a basement room in my own house, trying to move forward and find the best solution for my wife and 2 children, I want her to be happy, but I need to fall out of love with her, I am trying, but it is hard. Being mean and nasty doesn't work, because I see her pain and want to comfort her, being nice doesn't work either because it reinforces the deep love I still have for her.

I am processing and everyday is becoming a little clearer, as broken as I am, I will rise again, it takes time.

For all of you out there, I understand the pain, but it is not forever, pick yourself up! Life goes on and soon I will have joy in my heart once again"


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

What direction does she want to go that does not involve you?


----------



## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Yet another family falls victim to the "me first" gods of self improvement. 
Sorry for your pain friend. I don't discount that hate can be powerful motivating factor in the short term. But long term its a killer. Literally. 
You frankly don't sound like you are taking care of yourself. Not piling on, just stating a fact. I would get myself to my doc and get a physical and find out what damage if any has been done already. Between the divorce and you manner of coping I suspect you are probably walking around with a case of major depression. That needs to be treated. For your sake and the sake of your kids. You don't have any control anymore about being a husband. But you are always going to be a father. if nothing else at least for their sake, get some help to get through this dark night.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Are both children your's and her's? 

Are both under the age of 10?

Why are you in the basement not her? 

Why isn't she out of the house, with you and the children remaining? 

Are her plans really she stays in the house, kids stay in the house, you continue to pay bills, you do most childcare (training's a full time job) ane you what, live in a shed in the backyard while she entertains men in "her" house?


----------



## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

My STBXW's final excuse was she needed to "find herself". She was hanging with young single childless people who were free. 

I was what was stopping her from her "happiness".

What do you say to that? Don't be happy...?

With time I will be fine and so will you.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

I will rise again said:


> It was March the 3rd, two days before my 44th Birthdays when my wife came home after seeing a life coach to say that she wanted a new future, a future without me. I didn't see it coming, the two months before this date had been a little difficult. My wife is fulfilling a life long ambition to run a marathon, so with all her training and early nights communication and closeness had not been great, but I believed this was just a temporary situation. We ave had a great marriage, a model marriage in the eyes of others, we communicated well or at least that is what I thought.
> So for the last six weeks I have been through what I can only describe as a nightmare. I have been so desperately hurt, I have felt such anger and hatred that I didn't not recognize myself. I denied what was happening and shut myself off from the world.
> 
> I have embraced isolation and depression as a coping mechanism, I have poisoned my mind with the darkest most irrational thoughts you could imagine. I have gone on the offensive via email to my wife to cause her as much emotional pain as possible, I have retaliated to the one I love!
> ...


Sounds like your objective in life was to put a smile on her face.


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

does she run with her boyfriend? that is how my bro's marriage ended. He could have written your post, OP.


----------



## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Treat her like she's dead to you. She is. But she'll be in your wallet and your head full-time.

End her gravy train NOW.


----------



## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

I will rise again said:


> For all of you out there, I understand the pain, but it is not forever, "


You may understand the pain, but you'll never understand the cause of it till you find out who her boyfriend is and blow up her affair. Ask an administrator to move your thread to the CWI section, learn the 180, and buckle up cause you're in for a ride. Sorry.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Holy crap it didn't take long for the projectors to start in this thread. I didn't see anywhere, where the OP mentioned cheating. She may or may not be having at least an emotional affair, but it doesn't matter. Rather than piling on with "plant a VAR", "check her texts" etc etc. Why not give the OP some real advice that might do something to truly help his situation?
OP, you need to focus on yourself first. Do a 180, not to gain her back or save your marriage, but to focus on your self. If she feels this way, affair or not, there is a reason (for you projectors - an affair isn't the cause, it is an effect). You might be able to negate whatever that reason, you might not. But you become a better person either way. Focusing on your self will allow you to rise from the ashes and be happy.


----------

