# New Thoughts



## sadinsalem (Jan 12, 2012)

Reading these forums has really given me a lot to think about. For the last two years,(married 24 years), the thought, "I want a divorce!!!" has run through my head constantly. As I said before in a previous post, most people, my wife included think we have a picture perfect fairy tale marriage. Nobody really knows just how miserable I am being married to her. And I simply don't know why. I would not consider myself depressed, all in all I'm a very happy man outside my marriage. I am a passionate, romantic, extremely demonstrative man, help around the house, LOVE my kids. I have hobbies I like, good friends and although I don't really like my job, I have a very successful career going. Problem is, I don't love my wife. Even though we are kissy kissy, holding hands, I love you's... Inside I feel nothing, dead, barren. I don't hate her, but i'm just in it right now for the kids. Having grown up in a very unhappy home wracked by crushing poverty, domestic and substance abuse, infidelity, all in all a perfect storm of hell. I think I have overcompensated to make sure my kids have a better start at life. I get so tired of being miserable and self sacrificing, I know I could be so much happier not married to her. I'm not in any sort of relationship with anyone else, I simply don't want to BE with her. But then, I see these posts of utter heartbreak, and it makes me so sad that I have gotten to this point. I wonder about MC, but is it any better to tell your wife out of the blue that hey, I want out and we need to see a MC, when I know it will probably just hasten the end? The problem is, I don't want to fix things with her, I just want out. I dont' want the dinner and a movie, I don't want our "no kids weekend" out with her any longer. I'd like to just be her friend if such a thing were possible so I could hit the do over button and move on with my life. I know I am a jerk for feeling this way, i accept that this is my issue completely, while I do harbor a fair amount of resentment towards my wife, the decisions that generated this resentment were made just as much by me as by her. And I know the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, but when I think of a truly satisfying life, the life I want to live, it never involves her. I have truly fallen out of love with her and have neither the will or inclination to try to fall back in love with her.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

The very first thing that you should have done (if not already) is to tell her exactly how you feel.

That's the least she deserves.


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## sadinsalem (Jan 12, 2012)

Synthetic you are 100% right. The issue is, as soon as I do that it's over. It will be divorce next and I throw the 10 ton crap hammer into my kids lives. I keep hoping I can stick around and something will change and the spark, the will comes back. I was waiting until my youngest gets out of high school (late start on the whole kids thing) before I broached the subject. I just wish so badly I could WANT to change how I feel...


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

the crap hammer is painful to deal with no matter when u drop it. you are wrong to assume everything will pan out as you are predicting right now. they most likely wont. dont rule out the possibility of your feelings suddenly reversing. its happened to many people. dont predict your wifes reaction to this. she may surprise you with a crap hammer of her own. you may end up chasing her to no available at some point. 

tell her how u feel. NOW
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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