# Books WS should have never read



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

My secret garden


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

there are alot of stupid books that romanticize affairs for women and make OMs seem as good guys that fell for the wrong woman, which is Bull crap, most OMs are players, men without morals that want to have fun with someone else's woman and without reposabilities


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I especially hate 'My secret garden'. It gave her ideas which opened the doors to hell for me.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

What is "My Secret Garden" about? What in the book opened the doors to hell for you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Centurions said:


> What is "My Secret Garden" about? What in the book opened the doors to hell for you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From Amazon:


> Welcome to Nancy Friday's secret garden, a hidden place where ordinary women are free to express the sexual dreams they have never dared to confide before. Safe behind the walls of anonymity, hundreds of real women responded to Nancy Friday's call for details of their own most private fantasies. My Secret Garden is the daring compilation of those fantasies. When it first appeared, it created a storm of outrage in the media...and an equal sense of exhilaration for those women who finally were able to share their sisters' most intimate thoughts. Even now, in a new millennium, over then thousand women each year buy a new copy of this astounding classic of feminist literature. Join them in their exploration of the meaning of desire. Dare to read, dare to dream, and dare to discover the beautiful blossoms, the winding paths, and the hidden nooks of female sexuality.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Centurions said:


> What is "My Secret Garden" about? What in the book opened the doors to hell for you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a compilation of sexual fantasies that women use when masturbating, sent in by American women to the author to reprint in her book. She adds some commentary about what the different genres of fantasies might mean.

She also has a follow up book with more fantasies called "Women on Top" and a book of men's fantasies called "Men in Love".

I've read them all, found them somewhat enlightening, and haven't opened any doors to any hells for anyone, not even myself, lol.

I have no idea how these books could open any doors to hell. Unless someone chooses to explore them with someone who isn't their spouse, I suppose. But I wouldn't blame that on the books. Cheaters cheat, no books required. Those who have no interest in cheating would, at most, explore their fantasies with their partners and maybe even spice things up together, if their partner was willing.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

norajane said:


> It's a compilation of sexual fantasies that women use when masturbating, sent in by American women to the author to reprint in her book. She adds some commentary about what the different genres of fantasies might mean.
> 
> She also has a follow up book with more fantasies called "Women on Top" and a book of men's fantasies called "Men in Love".
> 
> ...


You have no idea? You have *no* idea? I don't think you're being entirely forthcoming. 

You don't have to be dishonest to defend an author you like. Validate it on its own merits, assuming it has any. Don't embellish, diminish, or flat out lie.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I read both. Good reading and doubtful to explore cheating by your spouse. If the spouse is going to have an affair they will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

How do you explore 'Gone girl' with your spouse? Also I would like an insight into people who write books like 'Gone Girl', '50 shades of grey'.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DarkHoly said:


> You have no idea? You have *no* idea? I don't think you're being entirely forthcoming.
> 
> You don't have to be dishonest to defend an author you like. Validate it on its own merits, assuming it has any. Don't embellish, diminish, or flat out lie.


Forthcoming with what? What are you talking about?

The books are exactly what I described. I am not a fan of the author - I don't agree with all of her observations of what the different genres of fantasies mean. And she didn't write the actual fantasies, which make up the bulk of her books.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

50 shades was not a direct cause but was certainly a weapon of mass destruction. It opened many women to a side they kept buried or did not know existed, felt they had to explore it with another man since their man was not "alpha enough"


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> My daughter in law, my husband, and my daughter and myself have all read 50 shades. It is fiction....a story based on another story. Which We also all read ...well not my husband...the twilight books.
> Though my poor husband has seen all the movies and even took me to forks Washington...lol
> 
> I am proud to tell you...I did not become a vampire or a submissive.
> ...


Lets word it this way. There is a far higher than median correlation between female readers of that book and the number of affairs by women in the general population as a whole.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I had always heard that Eat Pray Love was one. Don't know what its about though and didn't see the movie.

Regarding 50 Shades it actually helped a lot of sexless couples too from what I hear. I would think it would only cause an affair if a person was already inclined to do it.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I would think it would only cause an affair if a person was already inclined to do it.


But isn't that the same thing we say about anything, really????


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

How to be a self centered b!tch. 

Wait I think maybe she could have written that one at the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Lets word it this way. There is a far higher than median correlation between female readers of that book and the number of affairs by women in the general population as a whole.


Sounds interesting. Do you have any studies I can read to research this topic more in depth?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

They're just books.

Blaming them for inspiring an aspiring WS to action is giving the WS an excuse for acting on what was, in fact, a pre-existing character flaw.

If they've got it in them to cheat, odds are they'll do it when the opportunity presents itself - regardless of what they may have read.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

I think Weightlifter is making a point about sexual fantasies, and how 50 Shades allowed some women to fully realize that they were into BDSM. Having an extremely popular book about this subject just makes BDSM less taboo and more mainstream. For the women who truly want to explore this side of their sexuality, they may look outside the marriage because a)they don't want their spouse to know about this side of them due to embarrassment (same reason some women will not do things with their husband that they did with an ex boyfriend). And/or b)they do not see their spouse as dominant enough to fulfill that role in their fantasies.

I don't think anyone is blaming the book directly. Do you believe there is a correlation between the rise in social media(Facebook) and affairs? You cannot blame Facebook, but it has caused many affairs that may never have started otherwise.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

Differentguy said:


> I think Weightlifter is making a point about sexual fantasies, and how 50 Shades allowed some women to fully realize that they were into BDSM. Having an extremely popular book about this subject just makes BDSM less taboo and more mainstream. For the women who truly want to explore this side of their sexuality, they may look outside the marriage because a)they don't want their spouse to know about this side of them due to embarrassment (same reason some women will not do things with their husband that they did with an ex boyfriend). And/or b)they do not see their spouse as dominant enough to fulfill that role in their fantasies.
> 
> I don't think anyone is blaming the book directly. Do you believe there is a correlation between the rise in social media(Facebook) and affairs? You cannot blame Facebook, but it has caused many affairs that may never have started otherwise.


Facebook isn't to "blame" for anything. Nor did it "cause" any affairs. It's merely a framework for and medium of communication.

How a person chooses to utilize and act on the information they receive within that framework is an individual choice predicated on their moral precepts or lack thereof.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Looking at it from another POV, you have to look at the individual relationships, yes FB has allowed people to remain in contact as has other social media, the books you are talking of have encouraged women to look at another side of their sexuality but when you do not know the relationship then it is easy to say it was caused by X,Y or Z factor.

Truth is, you have to know your partner in life, you have to pay attention to things like, what they are reading and actually take an interest in them, I bet that if a lot of guys who actually thought that their wife reading 50 shades would encourage an affair with a more Alpha type male then what would/should they do? Maybe be more Alpha? Talk to them about the books and explore the content together? Or is it more a case of they didn't even notice and carried on in their own little world. If I saw my wife reading such literature then I might be inclined to encourage her to explore it with me and try and push her buttons and boundaries myself. An affair is forbidden fruit and the thrill and excitment will make any such activities as appealing as it is part of the hype, the fruit that tastes the greatest is the fruit that you are forbidden to eat and all that.

I put it down to folk needing to victimize something else outside that was used as a tool within the affair scene to make them feel better about it and to allow themselves a clear conscience of it and to place all blame upon their WS and what ever was used during the affair or a potential propellant into an affair.

ALL OF WHICH IS BS boys and girls.

We each had our roles to play in our marriages and relatioships that ended in an affair, we all failed, even those that are WS who do not read these boards failed to be truthful in our relationships and to protect our relationships from harm, whether that be preventatively by setting boundaries and rules of conduct and yes even a little bit of checking up from time to time, or actievely by nurturing our relationship as though it were a garden and actively cultivating seeds of fruits to be eaten by you both along your journey, those fruits can be BDSM, can be anal, can be BJs, can be dressed as a clown banging her brains out in the garden at midnight if that is part of the fantasy, but it all comes down to knowing and not knowing how to cultivate and to look after your relationship/marriage. 

Or am I seeing it wrong again???? :scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## How am I Going to Surviv (Sep 12, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Lets word it this way. There is a far higher than median correlation between female readers of that book and the number of affairs by women in the general population as a whole.



But! Lets be careful not to conflate correlation with causation. It could be that persons that would be inclined to misbehavior have an affinity to the book. Rather than the book causing affairs, an unrelated and as yet unexplained general increase in affinity to affairs has driven the book sales.

Does the book cause permissiveness? Or does permissiveness 'cause' the book?

I'm a big, and I mean BIG, believer in personal responsibility.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Blaming books for women's infidelity = blaming porn for men's infidelity. There might be a direct correlation for its use, but the individual is responsible for their actions.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

lostmyreligion said:


> Facebook isn't to "blame" for anything. Nor did it "cause" any affairs. It's merely a framework for and medium of communication.
> 
> How a person chooses to utilize and act on the information they receive within that framework is an individual choice predicated on their moral precepts or lack thereof.


I believe that was my whole point.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Not every person will be triggered from a book, such as psychopaths inspired to assassinate public figures after reading Catcher in the Rye. 

For many of us, media is pretty benign...or least affects us in being entertained, but there are others with huge gaping holes in their lives that see some things in books or novels that they wish they could overlap in their life.

It'd funny, all this talk about alphas and betas...makes me think of the popularity of some of those urban romance fantasy books about werewolves my wife has read. Stupid and escapist stuff, but designed to be page-turners...yet, many women probably wish that they had that sort of fantastic life, having purpose and then be singled out for some alpha dude who can barely control his sexual impulses whenever he is around her.

Or other books introducing the dom/sub lifestyle.

I can understand the OP's issue with such books...as he has possibly experienced a change in his wife the same time she was reading such material. Same with my wife as well...an increase in reading the Anita Blake books and similar...and then those books opened up an interest in bondage stuff, which directed her to other resources...and next thing she knows, she's perusing BDSM sites and blogs, looking to hunt for her own dominant. She already had been sexually abused as a child and can't seem to have sex with needing to disassociate, so discovering the lifestyle seemed an ideal way for her to "act out" her buried past. It was an avalanche that I don't expect that she saw coming...especially when she lost control...and began doing things that broke her own codes of conduct. 

Like I said, for some people, it's benign...for others it's a trigger...and then they start taking action and desire to overlap the glorified lifestyle onto their personal reality. They talk about marijuana as a gateway drug...and I know many people feel that is a obtuse term for it, but for some IT IS, and for others IT ISN'T. I depends on the person in both cases.

So as much as in my lament over my wife's struggle with sex addiction I would love to blame these books, the truth is that my wife knew what she was buying...she knew what she wanted to get out of them. Does she still read them? No. because we have learned that they AREN'T benign for her..and for her sobriety, she can't be reading some of that material. I'd hate for others to get sucked into this mess, but deep down, it's not about the materials, it's what is already in the mind of the person turning those pages. Still, I have to wonder if some authors are acting out their own sexual issues in these books...because one addict's euphoric fantasy often will trigger another addict quite easily.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Stephen Colbert mentioned the existence of dinosaur porn. Have there been an increase in weird incidences at museums of natural history these days?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Differentguy said:


> I think Weightlifter is making a point about sexual fantasies, and how 50 Shades allowed some women to fully realize that they were into BDSM. Having an extremely popular book about this subject just makes BDSM less taboo and more mainstream. For the women who truly want to explore this side of their sexuality, they may look outside the marriage because a)they don't want their spouse to know about this side of them due to embarrassment (same reason some women will not do things with their husband that they did with an ex boyfriend). And/or b)they do not see their spouse as dominant enough to fulfill that role in their fantasies.
> 
> I don't think anyone is blaming the book directly. Do you believe there is a correlation between the rise in social media(Facebook) and affairs? You cannot blame Facebook, but it has caused many affairs that may never have started otherwise.


If I could like this 100 times I would. Brilliant.

Nonetheless I will state a fact. If 50 shades had never been written there would be thousands of less affairs. I have primary evidence of this coming up a month-ish down the road.

In the end I find it funny. By the last book, it turns out it is just another turn the alpha bad boy into a husband story.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Are there any books where the beta is more desirable or am I just dreaming?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Book where betas are more desirable. Im sure somewhere. The best man will be a mix of alpha and beta.

Alpha attracts, beta holds her heart.

Betas are boring
Betas are predictable
Betas are not excitigng

Betas will take care of you when you are sick
Betas give are the ones who give a sh!t and listen. (note not all betas listen just almost all real nonfake listeners are betas)

Mrs John.. disagree with ya on a bunch but stick around. Well thought out disagreements are appreciated.

You are allowed to be wrong. #throw posting bomb and run!


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I don't know about books, but I have seen one beta who was better than any alpha- my step dad. I like mostly fantasy- LOTR, Kingkiller chronicles etc. I know, I know, I need to grow up.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Nah, he is a blessing to us. How many guys will wait 23 years for a woman to accept him? He did.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

I predict new forms of excuses on the way.

"But honey, the characters in that harlequin book were so in love! I wanted to experience it.. I know the book is no excuse but"

"I was just flipping to the next page, one thing led to another"

"It was just for reading, it meant nothing"


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

verpin zal said:


> I predict new forms of excuses on the way.
> 
> "But honey, the characters in that harlequin book were so in love! I wanted to experience it.. I know the book is no excuse but"
> 
> ...


:lol::rofl:


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## jules1990 (Jun 13, 2013)

I nearly had a fit reading through this it is so funny.

I have read loads of books, the book is mere fantasy, but it is the intentions of an individual after reading such literature that is provocative that is at question, would they, could they, will they????

It is all fantasy, if your relationship has substance then any fantasies can and should be explored from within the relationship.

I have a friend who is hooked on the whole on-line chat thing with different guys, she never meets ny of them but I do know that she happily exposes herself on the web to guys, but to her it is all fantasy, although it has now ended almost every relationship she has had because she continues with this fantasy into her relationship or she picks it back up again when things cool off or a rough patch is looming, to her there is nothing wrong exactly, she doesn't know them, she won't sleep with them but she will not stop and actually take a relationship seriously enough to live and love another person.

I think it is about immaturity and insecurity where she uses that world to escape reality and then it ends her surrounding relationships, she lets the fantasy become almost real enough to touch but won't allow such closeness with her partners.

Very odd, but fantasies are that, if you want real love and affection it doesn't come with a paper back or a web cam.

I have explored a lot more with my H and we read 50 together and he bought me a box set for Christmas, Oh my!!! The rest of that belongs in another section but I cannot and will not use books or social media as any type of excuse fo infidelity.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

jules1990 said:


> I have a friend who is hooked on the whole on-line chat thing with different guys, she never meets ny of them but I do know that she happily exposes herself on the web to guys, but to her it is all fantasy, although it has now ended almost every relationship she has had because she continues with this fantasy into her relationship or she picks it back up again when things cool off or a rough patch is looming, to her there is nothing wrong exactly, she doesn't know them, she won't sleep with them but she will not stop and actually take a relationship seriously enough to live and love another person.
> 
> I think it is about immaturity and insecurity where she uses that world to escape reality and then it ends her surrounding relationships, she lets the fantasy become almost real enough to touch but won't allow such closeness with her partners.
> 
> Very odd, but fantasies are that, if you want real love and affection it doesn't come with a paper back or a web cam.


Quite insightful. Thanks.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

jules1990 said:


> I have a friend who is hooked on the whole on-line chat thing with different guys, she never meets ny of them but I do know that she happily exposes herself on the web to guys, but to her it is all fantasy, although it has now ended almost every relationship she has had because she continues with this fantasy into her relationship or she picks it back up again when things cool off or a rough patch is looming, to her there is nothing wrong exactly, she doesn't know them, she won't sleep with them but she will not stop and actually take a relationship seriously enough to live and love another person.
> 
> I think it is about immaturity and insecurity where she uses that world to escape reality and then it ends her surrounding relationships, she lets the fantasy become almost real enough to touch but won't allow such closeness with her partners.
> 
> ...


Those are not fantasies. Those are online relationships, even if just cybersex. If she does them while in a relationship, it is cheating (assuming they don't have an open relationship). She may fantasize about certain aspects of it, but it is very real.


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## jules1990 (Jun 13, 2013)

Differentguy said:


> Those are not fantasies. Those are online relationships, even if just cybersex. If she does them while in a relationship, it is cheating (assuming they don't have an open relationship). She may fantasize about certain aspects of it, but it is very real.


Try telling her that!!!

I have tried to tell her that it is EA for sure but she just comes back with "it's just guys on the internet".

To her it is not real and it is a fantasy world, but what she fails to realize is that she is only being used by these guys on the internet and is not actually forming any type of long term relationship because she keeps going back to it, she claims it is an addiction, she needs the gratification of men chasing her, but how long will that last?

One day it will suddenly dawn on her and hopefully not before it is too late.

But to her the fantasy guys off the internet are no different to the carachters in these books.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

jules1990 said:


> Try telling her that!!!
> 
> I have tried to tell her that it is EA for sure but she just comes back with "it's just guys on the internet".
> 
> ...


She definitely has issues


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## jules1990 (Jun 13, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> She definitely has issues


Hell yeah!!!

But then again I just see it as though she is just like one of these women who claim liberation from the shackles and empowerment by reading such books and then acting out their new found entitlement with a stranger outside the marriage.

When it's over it's over, if it's not then keep loving and keep trying, love is special and if two people can be honest with each other about their inner most secrets and desires then it can only bring them closer.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

jules1990 said:


> Hell yeah!!!
> 
> But then again I just see it as though she is just like one of these women who claim liberation from the shackles and empowerment by reading such books and then acting out their new found entitlement with a stranger outside the marriage.


Entitlement is what shackles you. You can never appreciate what the other person has done for you nor can you take pride in doing something to make her happy.


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## jules1990 (Jun 13, 2013)

Well why do so many cheaters use excuses such as these to try and damp things down? Like a novel about BDSM made it OK to hook up with a stranger to try it out?

Why not just be honest and say, look baby, I think we should talk about something, either tie me up and spank me or we are getting a divorce, why not role play teachers pet or my H recently interviewed me for a receptionists job to which I had to show him how I "make up for my mistakes" a couple of weeks ago I was being guided round our house and as the pospective new cleaning lady, apparrently it is the duty of the cleaning lady to ensure all the sex toys are clean :scratchhead: 

That is constructive fantasy within your relationship, not cheating on a whim of a books passages.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Good discussion! It is enjoyable to read opinions about cause and effect.

Maybe the true measure of our society is not the printed word, but the weakness in self-determination.

It is amazing how people can blame their choice of actions on something they have read, heard, or visualized.

How many murder shows and movies do we see? How many of us commit murder based on Hollywood? Some. A few.

It seems the reader of sexual material should have some intestinal fortitude in how they digest their fantasies. Why do we ingest it at all?

It is an indication of the moral decay in society. Chicken or the egg? Is art imitating life, or are we imitating art? Why are some affected, but most are not?

Values? I am wondering why people espouse values (marital vows, fidelity, etc.), and then do the opposite.

 The Devil made them do it.

In the long run maybe it is a litmus test for the weak. Maybe the decision to follow destructive art is a way to determine the worth of a person in a relationship. 

I wish it was less painful to us, and less devastating to our families.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> Truth is, you have to know your partner in life, you have to pay attention to things like, what they are reading and actually take an interest in them, I bet that if a lot of guys who actually thought that their wife reading 50 shades would encourage an affair with a more Alpha type male then what would/should they do? Maybe be more Alpha? Talk to them about the books and explore the content together? Or is it more a case of they didn't even notice and carried on in their own little world. If I saw my wife reading such literature then I might be inclined to encourage her to explore it with me and try and push her buttons and boundaries myself. An affair is forbidden fruit and the thrill and excitment will make any such activities as appealing as it is part of the hype, the fruit that tastes the greatest is the fruit that you are forbidden to eat and all that. We each had our roles to play in our marriages and relatioships that ended in an affair, we all failed, even those that are WS who do not read these boards failed to be truthful in our relationships and to protect our relationships from harm, whether that be preventatively by setting boundaries and rules of conduct and yes even a little bit of checking up from time to time, or actievely by nurturing our relationship as though it were a garden and actively cultivating seeds of fruits to be eaten by you both along your journey, those fruits can be BDSM, can be anal, can be BJs, can be dressed as a clown banging her brains out in the garden at midnight if that is part of the fantasy, but it all comes down to knowing and not knowing how to cultivate and to look after your relationship/marriage.





Differentguy said:


> I think Weightlifter is making a point about sexual fantasies, and how 50 Shades allowed some women to fully realize that they were into BDSM. Having an extremely popular book about this subject just makes BDSM less taboo and more mainstream. For the women who truly want to explore this side of their sexuality, they may look outside the marriage because a)they don't want their spouse to know about this side of them due to embarrassment (same reason some women will not do things with their husband that they did with an ex boyfriend). And/or b) they do not see their spouse as dominant enough to fulfill that role in their fantasies.
> I don't think anyone is blaming the book directly. Do you believe there is a correlation between the rise in social media (Facebook) and affairs? You cannot blame Facebook, but it has caused many affairs that may never have started otherwise.





weightlifter said:


> Nonetheless I will state a fact. If 50 shades had never been written there would be thousands of less affairs. In the end I find it funny. By the last book, it turns out it is just another turn the alpha bad boy into a husband story.


Yeah, agree with all of the above also.
I can only offer a couple of real events that I was privvy to in order to add to this:
1 - Couple of months in to my separation, I was at (what was then, our marital home) and I found some 'stuff' that clearly wasn't intended for me and my wife, i.e. I'd never seen it before: silk ties, blindfolds, dildos, a paddle, c0ck-rings, etc.
The fact that she'd also left a copy of '50 Shades Of Grey' out on her bedside table wasn't lost on me, either.
That really hit home.

2 - Not too long ago, post-affair/separation when I'd finally, haha, 'Alpha'd-Up' myself and my confidence was back, I got a copy of '50 Shades Of Grey' and took it to the office I worked at...now I work in a small, open-plan office with about 7 women and for a laugh, I sat reading it and commenting on it aloud.
Talk about 'bees round a honeypot' - pretty much all of them, sidled over and wanted to get in on the act:
"Read some more!", "what page are you on? Are you reading the 'Contract' pages?"
A couple had read it, some hadn't...but the fact is: _all _of their interest was piqued.

3 - FFS my _Mum _has read these books...but of course, she's in her 70s now and just laughs at it all.

Fact is, I think a lot of men are/have felt 'threatened' by this book...hence you get a lot of guys dissing the book because it's 'poorly written', 'stuff of fantasy'...like me, unwitting fools.

*Weightlifter *- I can state another 'future-fact' as well: when the '50 Shades Of Grey' movie is released a year from now, the affairs we see now will be 'rookie numbers' in comparison.
That movie will be the most successful in 2015...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

davecarter said:


> Yeah, agree with all of the above also.
> I can only offer a couple of real events that I was privvy to in order to add to this:
> 
> 2 - pretty much all of them, sidled over and wanted to get in on the act:
> ...


Im not threatened by the book. My wife lusts for the property brothers and that basement fix up into apartments guy on HGTV. Ill feel threatened when he leaves his hot 20 something and shows up at my door for my another age wife.

Its funny. One of those tabloids had the bachelor on the cover. Talks about how hes a player and why he wont settle for just one woman. Come on. I have ZERO interest in fvcking a man but even I can tell he is really good looking. The answer of why he wont settle for one woman is 99999 women a day throw themselves at him. He does not have to settle for one woman.

SAD aint it. Talk about a real life blind study coming up that is going to have tragic results. A LOT of mens worlds are going to be destroyed. Credit to you when you are right.

Maybe we should all pitch in and buy commercials a week before the movie comes out with one message:

My number one rule:

If your spouse is acting funny and giving you red flags for an affair DO NOT ask them about it without dead proof. Google the words "coping with infidelity'. You will find a forum. You will receive instructions. Don't argue. Just follow the instructions.

Wonder if this is kosher.
Put a youtube video out the week before with 50 shades in the title giving those instructions.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

weightlifter said:


> SAD aint it. Talk about a real life blind study coming up that is going to have tragic results. A LOT of mens worlds are going to be destroyed. Credit to you when you are right.
> 
> Maybe we should all pitch in and buy commercials a week before the movie comes out with one message:
> 
> ...


Even better would be to elect people who can enact laws against infidelity.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Even better would be to elect people who can enact laws against infidelity.


Well, there's a law against *Bigamy *in the Western world....why not Infidelity?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Coz a few of our presidents might have been prosecuted.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Laws would give BS's a sense of justice. Otherwise it's like the state doesn't care for your broken family. WS and OM/OW go scott free and BS's are left picking up the pieces of their life. Just my .02 ma'am.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> You really think a law will make a difference? People breaks laws everyday. Do you speed? Do you fudge on your taxes? Do you steal pencils from work? ...lol
> 
> *The one thing we don't need is for the government to occupy their precious expensive time writing laws about infidelity...lol*


Most states either had or still have these laws on the books, so at some point in time a large number of people thought enough about the destructive nature of adultery to make them legally pay a hefty price for it.....just like any other crime.

Why was it time-worthy then and not now? Probably because the ones who write, enact, and enforce these laws are near the top of the list of those who are most likely to break them.

I'm not sure what's so amusing about that.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

3putt said:


> Most states either had or still have these laws on the books, so at some point in time a large number of people thought enough about the destructive nature of adultery to make them legally pay a hefty price for it.....just like any other crime.
> 
> Why was it time-worthy then and not now? Probably because the ones who write, enact, and enforce these laws are near the top of the list of those who are most likely to break them.
> 
> I'm not sure what's so amusing about that.


So true. Someone defames you, assaults or even serve you hot coffee, you can sue them. But someone gifts you your own personal hell, nothing.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> There is nothing funny about infidelity....what is funny is our government. They cannot do much of anything right now so let's put them in charge of dealing with infidelity. Give me a break.
> 
> Look...Adultery has been a part of our culture since time began. Laws haven't prevented it, churches haven't prevented it, vows haven't prevented it.
> 
> ...


Sorry ma'am. Didn't mean to upset you.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

_Revenge may make you feel better for a little while but it can also destroy you._

Ma'am, with your permission, can I make this my signature?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> There is nothing funny about infidelity....what is funny is our government. They cannot do much of anything right now so let's put them in charge of dealing with infidelity. Give me a break.
> 
> Agree with this.
> 
> ...


You're making an assumption about it being about revenge. It's not about that. It's nothing more than making the punishment fit the crime. I'm not revenge oriented, per se, but just compensation to the betrayed party would be a nice change of pace. Seldom happens though.

JMO though. 

It was your little lol at the end of your initial post that set me off a bit, BTW. Made your comment sound quite self-serving.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams is absolutly right.
The mere fact that every single attemt of controling people's personal decisions regarding this matter slowly vanished is the proof we need to know they never worked and they won't work ever.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Thank you, ma'am.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

I left out an important thing. My main point isn't really based on adultery being a punishable felony across the board or anything like that. But I would LOVE to see there be a definite legal penalty in what a WS walks away with monetarily and custody issues in the event of a divorce due to infidelity. In other words, no more no-fault divorces when adultery is involved.

Kinda hard to post, work, be an Alzheimer's caregiver, and think all at once.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> Well, back to the topic, you went Submissive very quickly Eric


I thought Mrs Adams was triggering thinking about her past. I felt bad about her. Also I liked her quote. Worthy of a bestseller novel.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> by the way...somebody tell me how to highlight instead of copy past or quote.....please???? 3 putt...how did you do all that????


Just hit quote to a reply, write what you want in between wherever, highlight what you wrote, then go up to the big A at the top and select the color you want.

Then lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. If you do it more than once within the same post, the next time you click on the A it will select the previous color you used by default.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

MrsAdams ma'am, I know about triggering out of own guilt. When I was 12, mom lost a finger coz of me. I am 40 now. The guilt still stays the same.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> I had always heard that Eat Pray Love was one. Don't know what its about though and didn't see the movie.


Eat, Pray, Love (EPL) is the gold standard for divorce porn. The author is married to a stable, boring, Nice Guy. As such, she's unhaaapy. So, she has an affair as she's blowing up her marriage. The affair doesn't go well, so she spends a year eating, drinking, meditating, and screwing her way around the world like a kid on spring break. Of course, in the end it all worked out. She ditched Mr. Boring, found true love, and became more enlightened.

Sadly, scores of women have found the encouragement they needed to blow up their marriages in the pages of EPL. Mass media serves well as propaganda. I agree that it doesn't force married women who are blissfully happy to divorce their boring husbands. But, it certainly sells divorce as a glamorous lifestyle that leads to self-improvement in all areas.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Eat, Pray, Love sounded like written by a WS in fog.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Found this in wikipedia:

In The Huffington Post, critic Jenna Busch wrote:
“ Eat Pray Love is ultimately charming and inspirational. Though it doesn't have quite the impact of the book, it will likely leave you pondering your life choices and forgiving your flaws. It will certainly have you forgiving the few flaws in the film. The performances are just too fantastic, the vistas too lovely to pay too much attention to anything else. ”


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Eric... How perceptive of you. Yes we bad girls trigger too and feel overwhelmed and hate ourselves and on and on and on.
> 
> 3 putt ...I will practice...lol <<<this is at myself not infidelity


Not to highjack too blantently, but there are some interesting perspectives on shame, guilt, and vunerability by Brene Brown. I am not one to give empathy toward those that have chosen to betray, but you are showing good effort in your R.

Check out the last and other video clips on:

Brene Brown PlayList

Hope you continue to grow from your experience.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Eat, Pray, Love (EPL) is the gold standard for divorce porn. The author is married to a stable, boring, Nice Guy. As such, she's unhaaapy. So, she has an affair as she's blowing up her marriage. The affair doesn't go well, so she spends a year eating, drinking, meditating, and screwing her way around the world like a kid on spring break. Of course, in the end it all worked out. She ditched Mr. Boring, found true love, and became more enlightened.
> 
> Sadly, scores of women have found the encouragement they needed to blow up their marriages in the pages of EPL. Mass media serves well as propaganda. I agree that it doesn't force married women who are blissfully happy to divorce their boring husbands. But, it certainly sells divorce as a glamorous lifestyle that leads to self-improvement in all areas.


:iagree:

I also have watched the movie 5-6 times. It is one of my new wife's favorites. Lol! There is other aspects of the EPL that she likes. Mostly the ideas about dealing with failure.

It actually made me trigger a little the first time I saw it. I have gained a better perspective of the female mind-set. Not to lump all women into the same category, but it does fit many of the WWs I know. 

Boring husband is dumped. Makes me realize that boring is not acceptable. Childish boyfriend is dumped. Makes me realize that maturity is desireable. The dude at the end of EPL makes me realize that beta and alpha is good. I also think he is too much for long term stuff. Can't ever wrap my head around some of his emotional stuff, especially when he deals with his son.

If this wife cheats on me, I will know that I am going to burn her EPL dvd, and her unfinished, dusty Shades of Grey books.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Lovemytruck said:


> I also have watched the movie 5-6 times. It is one of my new wife's favorites. Lol! There is other aspects of the EPL that she likes. Mostly the ideas about dealing with failure.


It's pretty disrespectful to openly laud a book/movie that glorifies adultery and frivolous divorce. I would be concerned if my wife loved the story.

Pay attention to the propaganda your spouse is consuming. Just as porn can fool men into believing that the world is full of F-cup, bleached blonde hotties who easily orgasm during anal, divorce porn can fool women into believing that the only thing standing between them and a lifetime of effortless bliss with billionaire, vampire, pirate captains is their boring husbands.


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## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

Eat Pray Love. That was my wife's bible was she was screwing another man. What a load of [email protected]£^+


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

I hear you on the EPL. I don't approve of its theme either.

Been there, done that. 

My point was that it is not movie or book that is to blame for adultery. Same for porn.

If a woman or man choses to follow through with the theme of a book or movie, it is their decision, their choice to sh!t on the marriage.

Baby-sitting a spouse with things she/he can watch is not healthy either. I would prefer to be part of her activities and discuss it openly.

I ended a 23 year marriage because of a cheating by my exWW. I guess I could blame it on romance novels or vampire stories. I blame it on a woman that couldn't be honest or faithful.

My current wife is well aware of my line in the sand.

Maybe that is the more important point. I have demonstrated my boundries by actions. Not saying she would not cheat, but she knows it is a fast-track for a D.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

HAD to watch EPL and see for myself, might have to watch it again though 

Julia Roberts hubba, hubba


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Lovemytruck said:


> My point was that it is not movie or book that is to blame for adultery. Same for porn.
> 
> If a woman or man choses to follow through with the theme of a book or movie, it is their decision, their choice to sh!t on the marriage.


That's true. But divorce porn in the media is still harmful. It's propaganda. It's brainwashing.

If a Jane stood on the edge of a cliff, and John encouraged her to jump, he would need to share in some of the blame if she decided to jump. He didn't push her. But he sure encouraged her to do the wrong thing.



> Baby-sitting a spouse with things she/he can watch is not healthy either. I would prefer to be part of her activities and discuss it openly.


I disagree. I think a healthy line in the sand is well before taking one's clothes off with another person. If my wife came to me and said, "I just started reading this amazing story about a woman who cheated on and frivorced her husband so that she could live a fuller life," I wouldn't respond by saying, "That's nice." I would want to discuss why she finds the story so interesting. I would want to discuss why she feels the need to have a girls' night to discuss the story or see the movie. I would let her know how disrespectful she was being toward me and our marriage.

Similarly, I would never come to my wife and say, "Honey, I just read a life-changing book about a man who empowers himself by dumping his wife and kids and moving to Vegas and banging strippers. My buddies and I all made a pact to read it and discuss. I'm so excited." I would expect that kind of disrespect to upset my wife. And I wouldn't try to ease her worry by telling that I don't ACTUALLY plan to go bang strippers. I just love the idea of a story about a man who does it.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I always wondered:

1) How many women EPL and that Groove Back movie was a significant factor in a woman deciding their loving but dull husbands had to be ditched.
2) Of those women how many:
a) Traded down either physically and/or financially.
b) Did not get to trade at all not realizing the dating field which MASSIVELY favored them in their 20s, shifts dramatically against women after age 35 if their goal is either a steady man or a husband .

BTW PHT. EFFING brilliant analogy!


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Finished RDMU's thread. '50 shades of gray' claims another marriage.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Finished RDMU's thread. '50 shades of gray' claims another marriage.


However, looking at the glass 'half-full' - that book should also _help _marriages. It's all about communication on many levels.
In that thread and the situation, it seems the communication was there...but the actions weren't carried out.

About 3 months into my wife's 'relationship' with her OM, I stumbled across some stuff in our marital home one day, namely, silk-ties, blindfold, dildo, c0ck-rings, etc...so I know they'd got into the '50 Shades' stuff as well.

My wife used to say to me: _"it's one thing saying all these great lovey-dovey things to me and about me...but you also need to consider 'Actions, not words' "_


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Lovemytruck said:


> I hear you on the EPL. I don't approve of its theme either.
> 
> Been there, done that.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

If someone is going to cheat they are going to do it no matter the means in how they do it. Thank you for posting this because it is so true. It is up to us as a person everyone has free will it is a choice.


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