# What's expected of us?



## dumped on (Nov 4, 2010)

My family is sucking the life out of us. I love my family but they are so needy. My husband and I have been married for twenty-one years. Ever since getting married we have provided my mother with a home. That was hard in itself but we have worked hard to get our lives to be as happy and peaceful as possible including my moms. This has been inspite of the interruptions from other family members. Since we've been married almost everyone in my family has lived with us. My older brother on two seperate occasions for years at a time. He's a great guy and got himself in a situation that took a while to sort out but it almost seperated my husband and I. My younger brother who has had mental and drug issues forever has lived with us four or five times, I lost count. My sister for about six months while she finished school. My husband has two daughters from a previous marriage, one of which also lived with us for about six months. She moved out when the suggestion of minor chores were pressed upon her. If only I knew that was all it took. And my niece who also deals with mental issues and is now a single mom has lived with us on two seperate occasions and now wants to move back in because she can't afford to get away from her mentally abusive ex-boyfriend and father of her child. This suggestion of living arrangements coming from her mother, my sister. I'm worried about what my father's situation will be soon as he get's older. I am the only member in my family anyone goes to for salvation. My husband is in his fifties and I can't even bare to bring up the latest request from my niece. He is the best husband a woman could have and I just can't expect anymore of him. On top of this because of previous marriage and family pressures we finally have arrived at a time where we might be able to better our lives with a new home. If we take my niece in again we will have to financially support her and her baby. I will literally be responsible for her transportation to work, doctor's appointments for her and her child, and take care of her child when she finally gets a job. I don't think I can do this anymore. I know my husband can't. Are we awful people if we don't take my niece and her baby in? What's expected of us?


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Sorry to say but you have allowed family to dump on you. It's been going on for 21 years so they just expect it to continue. It sounds like you have cleaned up their messes.

The simple solution is, just say NO. It's your decision whether family moves in or not.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

4sure said:


> Sorry to say but you have allowed family to dump on you. It's been going on for 21 years so they just expect it to continue. It sounds like you have cleaned up their messes.
> 
> The simple solution is, just say NO. It's your decision whether family moves in or not.


I agree 100%.
I don't want to sound as if I'm beating you up, but if you allow this type of behavior, why would it stop?
Some of my family have been in situations where things would have been a lot easier if I just let them bring all their problems to my home. The only problem with that is that none of them would have learned anything and I'd be where you are.


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