# How to deal with others' opinions?



## 3Xnocharm

I may be jumping the gun here, but there may be a chance that my ex husband and I could try reconciling. My question is, how do you deal with the negative reactions from the other people in your life? My ex hurt me pretty badly, but instead of hating him, I have remained in love with him this whole time. I know that the people who love me are going to be telling me what a mistake it is, how stupid it is, that I am going to be hurt again, etc. If R is possible, I just really feel that this is something that I need to do, if things play out. I do realize that I may be setting myself up to be hurt again, I am not that naive. Any suggestions on how to deal with others not being supportive?


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## dormant

You obviously are aware of what might go wrong, so what your firends and family say shouldn't matter. This is your life. You want/need to try to make it work. 

This is your life, not theirs. If you don't give it a shot, you will spend the rest of your life playing the what-if gave. 

I say, give it a try and tell your support group that you know the hazards but it is something you have to do.

Good Luck!!!


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## life.is.pain

I say go for it. If your heart tells you to try to reconcile then don't let anyone stop you. Its all about your happiness not theirs. This is your life to live how you wanna live it and you don't need other peoples approval. 

If the people do love you like you say then they would support you on your decision and not tell you negative stuff. You are well aware that you can be setting yourself up for hurt like you said but like "DORMANT" said give it a shot or you will spend the rest of your life playing the what-if game. 

Its best to live knowing that you gave it your all than to feel you are a quitter. Only time will tell and there is more time than life.


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## 3Xnocharm

Thank you both for the replies! I am really hoping we get the chance.


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## 3Xnocharm

So it looks like we will be meeting up this weekend. First time since the divorce was final and we got me moved. We have been having some good talks and I look forward to being able to open up face to face.


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## dormant

Good luck. I hope it works out for you. Keep us informed.


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## norajane

If those others are people who love and care about you, then they will be worried and concerned that you will be hurt again. The only way to reassure them - again, if these are people who matter to you and truly care for you - then be open with them about your thoughts and the work you two are doing to create a better relationship this time around.

I reconciled with my ex, and my sister and best friend were concerned for me. But the questions they asked me had a lot of validity to them and I knew they were solely looking out for my best interests, so I did not dismiss them and shut them out. I talked with them about what I was going through, and what we were working on. Once I was ready to say "yes" to a reconciliation, they were on board because they saw that we were doing the hard work to resolve all of our issues *before *getting back together.


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## 3Xnocharm

Well this didnt happen, I didnt get to see him.  I am not giving up hope, but I have stopped trying.


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## This is me

What happened?


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## 3Xnocharm

This is me said:


> What happened?


This. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58310-enabling-help.html


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## 3Xnocharm

Trying this again.


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## Michael A. Brown

Sometimes it is quite hard to deal with this situation since many people around you is giving their opinions. Try to prove them that they are wrong.


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## Confused42

I am going through the same thing right now. My friends and family do not want me to try to fix my marriage. I have been married for 16 years my children are almost grown. The youngest is 13. My husband just walked out one day had a MLC. 

He has said some pretty mean stuff to me and we are almost divorced. I had other people telling me he left for another woman etc. Well there wasnt one. Really dont know what happened to him emotionally. We had a good marriage so I thought and he just went AWOL. 

Now I realize that he was having mental issues brought on by the job, stress etc. Instead of opening up to me he shut himself down. I feel as his spouse that helping him through this and forgiving him is what I should do. The man still loves me and misses his family. 

However my family is not supportive, they feel that he will do this again. Our oldest daughter is 21 and she really hates him right now and is not willing to forgive him. 

She has repeatedly told me in an idiot. Which I think is very disrespectful. 

It hard enought to fix the marriage without the support from people you love most.


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## Grey Goose

You will now learn who your real friends are. Those who love you will not judge you and will accept whatever you choose as your path, and whatever you feel makes you happy.


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## 3Xnocharm

So we finally had dinner together.  It went good actually. And the few people that I have mentioned this to have been mostly supportive, a couple are a bit more tentative about it, but all in all they understand my need to at least give it a try.


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## Grey Goose

How's it going?


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## 3Xnocharm

Its not, at this point. He once again has rescued his psycho first wife, so I have stopped personal communication with him. I cant watch him do this over and over. He is not allowing himself to be with me, for whatever reason, even though he keeps telling me that he wants to be. I told him he can contact me when he decides to take control of his life back and cuts her out of his life.


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