# Contacting the Other Woman



## rasana (Feb 6, 2013)

My husband had an affair that lasted one month, but he also contacted other girls at that time, but from what I know, these efforts were fruitless. 

I wanted to get your thoughts on contacting the other woman. 
I contacted the one who slept with him (he confessed it was her and I saw their chat exchanges), but she felt threatened and said she will contact a lawyer because she feels insecure. I said I did not want to hurt her but I was afraid of consequences at that time and did not do anything. However, few months later I decided to write her ex-boyfriend (I thought they were together) and did a few more things. I only said she caused me pain, but more was implied and she started to beg for mercy. I still did not get any details from her because she is afraid of courts, I assume. I said that since she is sorry I won't bother her anymore because I did not know what else to say. She does not live here anymore. Still, I would like details, just so I know how much my husband lied to me.

The second girl I contacted was one who refused to be his mistress since she was also hurt by an adulterer in past. She told me about it when I wrote her and we might talk more about details. She acts friendly and supportive ('you deserve to know the truth' etc) but I am not sure whether meeting her is a good idea. Would that work well for my marriage I am trying to repair?

I want to see your experienced with contacting your spouses' lovers and get advice on what is good to do and what is not for a person who wants the truth but wants the marriage to work as well.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I have done it..I contacted H's EA..alot of people do not agree with it. At the time I did not care..I wanted the ***** to know what I thought of her and to basically let her know what a loser she is. Honestly no regrets..the only thing is in my case she did not respond at all..that kind of frustrated me because I would have loved to have it out with her but no such luck.

I can see both pros and cons for contact.


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## rasana (Feb 6, 2013)

highwood said:


> I have done it..I contacted H's EA..alot of people do not agree with it. At the time I did not care..I wanted the ***** to know what I thought of her and to basically let her know what a loser she is. Honestly no regrets..the only thing is in my case she did not respond at all..that kind of frustrated me because I would have loved to have it out with her but no such luck.
> 
> I can see both pros and cons for contact.


What are the cons?


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Bride of Frank said:


> She will then think she has power over you and her affair partner; she will tell herself that he still cares about her and that is why you "had" to contact her. Somebody here said it before: the type of person who is so low as to become an OW is the type of person who simply seeks attention -- so ANY attention, whether good or bad (ie you calling her names) is still a reward to her. As Glenn Close's bunny boiling character said in the movie, "I will not be ignored!!!", and that is very descriptive of many OW after d-day. So if you never contact her in any way, she stews about it and it makes her crazy. Hence you win that round!


Exactly..I think it gave her a certain level of power in that she obviously was aware that I was bothered by her...she probably also knew that ignorning me was bugging the **** out of me.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

rasana said:


> I want to see your experienced with contacting your spouses' lovers and get advice on what is good to do and what is not for a person who wants the truth but wants the marriage to work as well.


The truth is that you need to focus on your husband, he's the one who cheated on you, not the other women. You're just trying to feed something inside yourself that won't lead to anything good.

T


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

highwood said:


> I have done it..I contacted H's EA..alot of people do not agree with it. At the time I did not care..I wanted the ***** to know what I thought of her and to basically let her know what a loser she is. Honestly no regrets..the only thing is in my case she did not respond at all..that kind of frustrated me because I would have loved to have it out with her but no such luck.


Ditto. I tried to contact "her" within a day after my ex told me. He didn't tell me who it was (he had an EA that prompted him breaking up with me to persue 'her'), but I figured it out. I sent her a quick message telling her, "We need to talk. I know you know why..." 

The coward never responded. And I never tried again. 

I've also felt that if I ever met her I'd want to punch her right in her pearly white teeth. Just one good punch. But again, I'm not violent, and I've never thrown the first punch.

Not gonna start now.

Vega


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

For me, I contacted the OM. I laid him out... I told everyone my wife was having an affair with the POS.

It didn't matter... they don't give a DAMN about what you think otherwise they wouldn't be the Other Person...

Now if she is married, contact her H. It is up to you if you want to contact her, but don't expect anything good to come from it. Your WH has been telling her that you are terrible so she probably believes it!


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

I wanted to contact OW and I did. I couldn't give a cahoot what she thought of me nor anyone else for that matter. Everyone told me not to. But thats not who l am and my WH knew fully well before he decided she was worth the risk and informed her of exactly who I am. 

When I found out, they scampered about in panic and both recited like two little cowards: "Nothing happened", which I translated that as insult to injury. She knew what I felt about her on cheaterville and I had no qualms about including a bill for $1.5 million for the 8 years she took a free ride on me and my children. Thats what a s!ut gets for threatening to sue a wife...a triple dare.

I even messaged her father to tell her to either marry my husband or get the hell out of mine and my children's lives. Oh, and i did send her a text: "He's all yours baby, thanks for saving my life".


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