# Anyone ever gone through a dissolution amicably?



## Inadaze (Nov 16, 2010)

This past weekend, I finally got the courage to tell H that I can't go backwards and try again and that I think we should get a dissolution. He has hurt me so much by having a second affair and then continuing contact with OW after I thought it was finished. I have had a hard time coming to this decision because we have been together for 20 years and have two beautiful daughters and just so much history together but I know it's what I need to do. We have been separated for 6 months now and have been getting along and meeting weekly to discuss girls, finances etc. I have recently found out a few things from a mutual friend that confirms my H has still been in contact with OW (even though husband adamantly denies it). Too much has happened and I finally feel like I know what needs to be done. Sad but still needs to be done.

My H cried when I told him but said he understood. We hope to do this amicably and keep things as good between us for the girls sake as we can.

Just wondered if anyone has done this before and where I should begin?

If we make up the terms, do we both still need separate attorneys or do we go together?

Any advice appreciated.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Like unicorns and mermaids, I have never seen an 'amicable' divorce where both parties were 100% happy with divorce and everything that shook out every step of the way. If you are ready to file then do so. You can either use separate attorneys, a mediator, or have a do it yourself divorce where you. Eaach agree with all the terms going forward. The last option is everyone's dream situation but it rarely happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get tested for STDs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Inadaze (Nov 16, 2010)

I absolutely did get tested! Thanks for the advice. I will keep you posted.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Mine wasn't a divorce, but we were living together for 2 years and had a child.

It was amicable only because I was done. I left with nothing and wanted nothing...well, I took the dining table because it was a gift to me, from him. lol. It's a nice table.

We never went to court about custody, but co=parented nicely for 10 years before he decided he wanted to do drugs and become a musician. Now he sees her about once a month, if that.

It's still amicable. But I think that's because I simply walked away.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Another option that is relatively new is called collaborative divorce. Usually a good option but slightly more expensive than a mediator. If you truly can agree on everything, do a self file kit and save the time and money. Good luck


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Amicable means friendly, and I that might be a oximoron ;o) But I am in the process of a seamless divorce/dissolution of my marriage. No more anger, although he never heard theh anger because we don't speak at all. I don't hate him, but I am not about to lay down and be run over...as I stated in the dissolution papers. I wanted nothing from him including any of his bills. He was in agreement, so it has been a easy walk so far. Waiting on the judge to sign in a few months and then nothing ;o)


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

My separation process began with MC which failed and evolved into a legal separation with a lot of anger, some attorney consultations and some mediator appointments. Our state is a community property state; she didn't know that initially, she had the idea in her head that because I filed on her, she could take our house without compensation to me. I told her no, that's not the way it works and no attorney will tell her differently and that if she continued to have that attitude, I'd be happy to see her in front of the judge.

At some point, it finally filtered into her head about community property being divided without regard to fault. Then we were able to negotiate in good faith on the property split and complete the dissolution without attorneys. Of course it helped (a) that we had no kids which simplified matters considerably and (b) that she disliked attorneys, but I still had to do a lot of work to point her toward understanding the relevant family code sections.


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

I am going through an amicable divorce, or rather, I think I will. My husband has made me some offer, and I have agreed. We don't have much - a house, some little bit of pension from his side, a car. He's agreed to give me financial support for up to a year. We will split the equity of the house 50-50. I let him keep his pension and car, because I think he has worked hard and deserve to keep those for himself. We have finally agreed to be friends, which is a miracle, considering how bitter and angry I was in the beginning. Today, he came over to help me cut the grass and I cooked him a nice lunch, and we were talking, joking, crying, reminiscing. I think we are becoming good friends and we both agreed that we will always love and cherish each other. We might likely never see each other again though in future as we both have plans to move to different countries next year, so that bit is really heartbreaking. 

I feel better in my heart and mind that we are going through this divorce amicably, and that we can go off still respecting each other at the end of everything. The pain though remains raw. Yes, its only one attorney. No point throwing our money away to those attorneys, when we are already suffering enough. Better to cut the losses.


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