# Need advice??



## Fredbothers (Mar 18, 2014)

Ok this is a long. One so bear with me lol. my wife and I have been married for 8 Years and have been together for 16 years.
2 weeks a go we split up as she said she is no longer in love with me.
We have been stuck in a rut, nothing progressing. I got stuck in a habit of drinking alcohol every night. And felt **** the next day and so on and so on. I got stuck in a terrible habit and I got lost, didn't care about anyone. I didn't treat my wife very well at all and I can see that now. 
I have not had any alcohol since we split, I realised I don't need it anymore. I have moved out and currently back with my parents.
I only see her when we deal with the kids together. We both get to see them so that's great.
From the beginning I kept communication to a minimum only talked about the kids.

Now last Thursday,(13th march) I went over the house to get my laptop. I stayed, we talked and had a laugh. Ended up having a chocolate sauce fight lol. It was great like the old times. The same night I asked if she wanted to go for food so we did and we talked about us. She said that she was in love with me and no longer is, because of the way I used to treat her.
I agreed with her and told her that I have been thinking a lot about us and what needs to change.
So anyway went back home and I'm not sure how but we ended up kissing on the sofa, she looked confused she said she doesn't know how she feels about us. I asked did you feel anything when we kissed and she said yes.
Anyway next day we took the kids out for food and she said to me that when we are together we should not be on our phones. So I agreed, this made me think that she is thinking about us.
Saturday I was looking for a new car and asked her to come with me and the kids and she did, great. We talked more had a laugh. Went for food and then took the kids to the park. I mentioned I would have to go soon as I have to go to work she asked would I like to come back for a coffee, so I did.
Saturday night in work I had a message off her saying how's work? And we text back and forth for the rest of the night.
On Sunday I went over to get the kids as I was having them all day before working in the night. I said to her that it was nice to hear from her last night, why did she text? She said that she was thinking about me. Great!
So Monday I have the kids when she is in work, when she came home the kids were in bed, I asked if she wanted food so I made food for both of us. We talked, laughed and watched tv. It was great like old times.

Now I'm in a bit of a pickle, what do I do next??
I want to give her space so she has time to think things through, I don't want to pressure her in making a decision.

Her birthday is on Friday, but I'm working in the night. I do however have Thursday off. Now do I take her out for the day and a meal in the night or not bother??

Do I start making my move?? Start showering her with signs of affection? Or do I wait for her to make the move? 
I don't want to be pushy, but recently we have been getting on much better and it's been positive. Do I just see how things progress from here?

Any advice would be great I'm just completely confused what to do.
I don't want to ruin what we have so far by pushing too much.
Thanks


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## Whatthe?? (Feb 7, 2014)

Oh man, my situation is not so different from yours except we are still living together and sharing the bedroom, I am no expert but will share what is working for me so far.

If you're after reconciliation, which I figure you are then let her know you have not given up and you'd like to hopefully work things out with her. Then tell her in her time and just keep doing what you're doing, sounds like it's working. Do something for the birthday, she's your wife after all, but don't go overboard don't scare her off. Sounds like things are working out but she will process things in her way and you yours. The worst mistakes I've made have been expecting my wife to process the way I do and forcing things. Since I've stepped back things are going pretty good. Be comfortable with uncertainty.


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

send her some nice flowers with "Happy Birthday"


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Here is what I would do:

a) this is the MOST important one. Apologize to her about your alcoholism and knowledge that you realize how that effected you and in the end your relationship. Use world "sorry" A LOT

b) tell her that you understand the damage you have done to her and realize that she needs space away from you etc 

c) tell her how you feel. If you still love her, say it. if you want to be with her...say it....

d) tell her that you would totally understand if she simply doesn't want to be with you due to your actions and knowledge that she deserves better. 

You see, it doesn't matter what happens in our lives. What really matter is how we deal with it. If you deal with this properly you CAN have a better marriage than you once had.

Whatever you do, DO NOT drink (regardless if she leaves for good or not). That is the worst possible thing you can do for YOURSELF at this point (you know this).


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## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

Take her out. Don't go overboard but definately do something for her and with her for her bday.


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