# Wifey's reaction & mine...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In the middle of last night I decided to make some soup and wake the missus up for it. She was already awake, guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought in the kitchen sometimes. Anyways, I apologised to her for what I pulled, and reminded her that I'm going through some personal stuff right now, she wasn't content however, and decided to poke me for answers as I was being rather vulnerable. I kept her going in circles hoping she'll give up but it's obvious she wasn't going to let it slip if I want her to accept my apology.

Got myself in a bit of a trap really, and even though I eventually told her that I'm dealing with my own issues of being of insensitive and selfish, that it is my problem and that she has been good to me, she still refused to accept my apology. So... I told her everything (well, not really EVERYTHING, just got into a lot of detail, and told her I simply don't feel deservant, and that I can't accept her sometimes, nor myself if I let myself go, and that I want to stabilise our marriage, but I'm having this to deal with)...

Then she told me that I'm not making any sense, I wasn't going to repeat myself laying it all out for her, and by experience I know she does feign ignorance for the sake of getting me to indulge her more. So I just told her that she wouldn't understand, we were quiet for a while, then she said that what she meant by me not making any sense is that she doesn't understand why I'm going through this then told me that she went through the same thing. She told me that I'm not the only one with problems.

Then she went on and on... and it was rather revealing of her really, even though it seems her issues with her own guilt were squashed more easily then mine. She still wasn't happy however, and told me that I should have told her everything to begin with. That my IC doesn't understand me (I think she's suspecting my IC for my behaviour trying to get some space), and reminded me that we've been through alot together, and that we're not so different from each other even if we're opposites in other ways, which I agree. She also told me how she's hurt that we've drifted. Anyways, to keep it short, we had a deep heart-to-heart talk for once in a long time.

I also brought out how I felt about the stability of our marriage, it's something we've discussed before. I couldn't get myself to tell her everything about the rollercoasters however, but I did tell her that it seems that maybe our foundations have been rocky, as in the past we had to fight my ex when we were just friends, her parents, our friends, her church, and we're STILL fighting with society - just to have each other's company. She disagreed however, and told me that the way she sees it, our relationship's foundations is not about fighting it's about being a great team. She told me that she believes God put us together for a reason (bleh, I hate this fate talk, unless I'm taking the piss outta it, or using it take the piss outta my life) and that we used to be a team, shared with each other everything, stood up for each other, helped each other, fought FOR each other, and had fun with each other. She told me that years ago she didn't agree to get back together with me for nothing - and considering I cheated on her, nor did she agree to get married just because she was pregnant. Now she wants our little family to be strong like the two of us once were together. And apparently that's what she most definitely wants right now, not her dreams to open up her own church or help other folk. She admitted that she's not a saint either, and admitted to being manipulative so that we can have what we had when we were younger (looks like we have that in common, her changes, her manipulative games etc)

But personally... meh, she's always been manipulative. She was just more on my side and less against me in the past, and I guess vice versa, I've always been an a$$hole, just been nicer to her in the past. Guess that's it then eh? I don't know. It doesn't really solve anything but it seems we're on a same page now. Managed to fall asleep talking though, felt nice to have woken up together however. But... what now?


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

You both came to the realization that you were selfish and want to work on being a team together going forward. What more can you ask for?


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> In the middle of last night I decided to make some soup and wake the missus up for it. She was already awake, guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought in the kitchen sometimes. Anyways, I apologised to her for what I pulled, and reminded her that I'm going through some personal stuff right now, she wasn't content however, and decided to poke me for answers as I was being rather vulnerable. I kept her going in circles hoping she'll give up but it's obvious she wasn't going to let it slip if I want her to accept my apology.
> 
> Got myself in a bit of a trap really, and even though I eventually told her that I'm dealing with my own issues of being of insensitive and selfish, that it is my problem and that she has been good to me, she still refused to accept my apology. So... I told her everything (well, not really EVERYTHING, just got into a lot of detail, and told her I simply don't feel deservant, and that I can't accept her sometimes, nor myself if I let myself go, and that I want to stabilise our marriage, but I'm having this to deal with)...
> 
> ...


Yawn. Reading your posts is like watching a really bad movie with characters that you just don't connect with or care about to not switch the channel to something--anything--else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

COguy said:


> You both came to the realization that you were selfish and want to work on being a team together going forward. What more can you ask for?


Meh, guess I'm just not used to all these lovey dovey deep talks anymore.



CalifGuy said:


> Yawn. Reading your posts is like watching a really bad movie with characters that you just don't connect with or care about to not switch the channel to something--anything--else.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well in that case why didn't you 'switch the channel'? No one is asking you to read or comment on your own boredom.


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