# Stbxh doesn't call child!



## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

I have a 2 year old, STBXH had an EA and I am not sure but think a PA too! We're separated but kinda still live together, long story. Point is, when he doesn't sleep here which is the majority of the time, he doesn't even bother call his son to say good night. Even when he sleeps here, and is 'at work' till 2 am, he doesn't bother communicate being late nor call the child! I don't understand why he thinks that is okay!!!! Our child stands at the door looking for him, I text him and tell him to call him to say goodnight, then I call him right before bed and he doesn't answer, then i leave a voicemail, and nothing. I don't understand how someone who says they love their son, wants to split custody, doesn't even bother call their own child and tell them good night. How should I address this?i feel so bad for the poor baby! I tell him his dad loves him very much, but I can tell that he's disappointed that he is not there. Maybe I'm reading too much into his reaction, but it breaks my heart to have to tell him: 'no, that's not your dad at the door.' I told stbx today this and he said 'of course' um. Of course what? You still don't call the kid!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So when he said 'of course', did you ask him "of course what?"


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So when he said 'of course', did you ask him "of course what?"


Oh yeah! And he said of course I would call. I said you haven't yet and didn't tonight and he didn't answer. Just left the room.


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

When my stbxw left I asked her to call and talk to our 3yold to sa hi, she said you're just trying to manipulate me and make me feel guilty. Unreal. Of course she denies that now. I have my dd now for last 3 days, temp of 100-103 and she calls once. I can't begin to try and understand it. Immaturity? Pure self absorption?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A lot of people do not call their children at bed time when they work late. This is like some kind of test you have for your husband.

Instead of letting your 2 year old son stand looking at the door waiting for his father, tell him that dad is working and will be home later. Tell him that his dad loves him. Maybe even have a picture of his dad near his bed.

If your son still won't accept that, then you can call your his dad's number and have the child say goodnight in a voice message to his dad.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

get used to it. My STBXH hasn't called to actually speak to the kids once in seven months. He will text one child, but even that hasn't happened in three weeks. I am trying hard not to speak badly about him in front of the kids. Sadly, his actions speak louder than anything I could say.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My ex hasn't talked to his kids for almost 20 years.

Your son is 2. He will learn quickly that he cannot rely on dear old dad. Don't be the go between - just be matter of fact with your son, tell him the truth but don't portray your ex in a negative light. 

I know exactly how you feel - you feel like your heart breaks every time you son is disappointed. You need to harden your heart to it, unfortunately.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> A lot of people do not call their children at bed time when they work late. This is like some kind of test you have for your husband.
> 
> *Instead of letting your 2 year old son stand looking at the door waiting for his father, tell him that dad is working and will be home later. *Tell him that his dad loves him. Maybe even have a picture of his dad near his bed.
> 
> *If your son still won't accept that, then you can call your his dad's number and have the child say goodnight in a voice message to his dad.*


I don't "let" my child stand by the door to wait for his dad. I do inform him that dad is at work and won't come home or is running late. But since he's 2, it's hard to understand that. He has a picture of dad near his bed, I tell him his dad loves him and I call his dad's number, hand him the phone and let him leave a message. 



Hope1964 said:


> My ex hasn't talked to his kids for almost 20 years.
> 
> *Your son is 2. He will learn quickly that he cannot rely on dear old dad.* Don't be the go between - just be matter of fact with your son, tell him the truth but don't portray your ex in a negative light.
> 
> *I know exactly how you feel - you feel like your heart breaks every time you son is disappointed.* You need to harden your heart to it, unfortunately.


Honestly, what bothers me most about our marriage ending is this! I don't want my son to learn dad is not reliable (which he is) and I don't want to see him so disappointed and hurt. I'm not going to lie and pretend dad wanted to work on the marriage when the time is right and he's older, but i won't paint him in a negative light now, although I really hate him sometimes! I don't understand how people do this to their kids! Especially people who were essentially decent. If I married a womanizing d-bag who never wanted kids, I'd understand his behavior. But according to him, his son is everything, yet he sure as hell doesn't act like it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The truth is, there's a REASON for the term deadbeat dads. Women will nearly universally stay in their kids' lives. Men won't, necessarily. (generalization, folks!) Why? Because they were raised by a woman who took on the responsibility for seeing after the kids, the moms taught their daughters how to take on the responsibility for seeing after the kids, while the sons were told to go out and play. Having been raised to go have fun, why would you expect him to start thinking differently now?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

ChknNoodleSoup said:


> Honestly, what bothers me most about our marriage ending is this! I don't want my son to learn dad is not reliable (which he is) and I don't want to see him so disappointed and hurt.


I don't think you have a choice here. Of course you don't WANT your son to suffer, but his dad is the one making him suffer, not you, and accepting that and dealing with it is probably the best you can do.



ChknNoodleSoup said:


> If I married a womanizing d-bag who never wanted kids, I'd understand his behavior. But according to him, his son is everything, yet he sure as hell doesn't act like it.


Here's where you hit the nail on the head. it is your ex's BEHAVIOUR that tells you how he really feels. What he SAYS means nothing.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I don't think you have a choice here. Of course you don't WANT your son to suffer, but his dad is the one making him suffer, not you, and accepting that and dealing with it is probably the best you can do.
> 
> 
> 
> Here's where you hit the nail on the head. it is your ex's BEHAVIOUR that tells you how he really feels. What he SAYS means nothing.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

*Re: Re: Stbxh doesn't call child!*



Hope1964 said:


> My ex hasn't talked to his kids for almost 20 years.
> 
> Your son is 2. He will learn quickly that he cannot rely on dear old dad. Don't be the go between - just be matter of fact with your son, tell him the truth but don't portray your ex in a negative light.
> 
> I know exactly how you feel - you feel like your heart breaks every time you son is disappointed. You need to harden your heart to it, unfortunately.


+1

Eventually, your kid will figure out o. Their own that their dad won't be there for them.

I'm a child of divorce myself. Parents divorced before I was even 2.

My father has never in my life called me, and I've never meet him. I wouldn't even recognize him if I passed him on the street. To be honest. I know his name, that's about it.

Sadly, its pretty common. On of my fiance's cousins is in the same situation. Good kid but her mom is overwhelmed. We do what we can to help out thou.


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