# Help - Obsessed with women at my husband's office



## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

I've posted about this before, but here I go again...

How can I stop obsessing about my husband's coworkers? I made him confess that he has masturbated to their pics on their Facebook pages or something that "looked good" on a girl from the office. He did not masturbate at the office.

How can I get over this? These women have significant others but I still cringe when I see him leave every morning. One of them was Miss Argentina and she is very gorgeous, I know he wants her since she is his type (or any man's).
I am like a fkn 12 year old and can cry at any second. He is good to me, we have sex almost everyday but I still can't forget what he confessed.

Please help me! I need to move forward. I can't focus on anything.

How do I stay with somebody who is jerking it to people at the office? Should I leave him? 

He said that he wasn't going to do it anymore but I can't be like a cop.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Well, if you leave him, perhaps do so because he is not that bright! I doubt there are many men alive who have not "jerked it" thinking of some hottie from work. Same goes for women. I imagine more than a few have done the same, were they ever to fess up, lol. But there are some things that are just better left buried in "the vault"! 

The fact he fessed up to it makes him a bit unusual, but the fantasizing itself, not so much. Pretty damned hurtful, and pretty damned stupid. 

However, a red flag I do see: If he is masturbating at work (if I understood your post correctly) to photos of women in his office, that seems a little over the top, and you may be dealing with a sex addict situation? I mean, really, who can't control themselves for a few hours at work until they are back in the privacy of their home?


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

The masturbation was not at the office.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe you need to see a counselor or psychiatrist to find out why you had a need to badger him until he confessed this to you.

Your post does make it sound like he's masturbating at work. But if he is not, then that's good.

If his fantasies don't' interfere with your sex life.. .like he's not online doing this instead of having a relationship with you.. then I don't see the problem. 

It sounds like you are looking for reasons to be upset. It's not healthy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Maybe he gave you TMI about his "thoughts" about this woman, however anyone you are with is going to be attracted to other people. That is just human nature. Has he given you any signs he wants to cheat? Besides that why would you think he even has a chance?


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

The problem is not your husband having fantasies about other women. That is natural.

The problem is your extreme lack of esteem and your need to control your husband's thoughts.

Please see a counselor.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Your husband did nothing wrong. He didn't cheat. He just jerked off. Many men will admit to fantasizing about another female when masturbating, whether he's in a relationship or not. The rest are either liars or are married to an incredibly overbearing wife. It is not your place to tell your husband how he is allowed to masturbate. The fact that you forced this "confession" out of him and don't like what you heard is your problem, not his. Don't invade someone's personal physical business if you are not open minded enough to hear a truthful answer. If anything, you owe him an apology for needlessly causing drama in your lives. You are in the wrong here. Period.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

I’m not sure why no one thinks it’s a big deal that he’s masturbating over other women. Finding other people “attractive” is one thing, but masturbating over them is quite another. I would classify that as a problem, OP.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

OP You said you made him confess that he masturbates with these coworkers in mind, he confessed and you are hurt by that fact. He has sexy coworkers, he masturbates and they creep into his thoughts and he fantasizes, all of that is TMI and you should not be prodding around his private sexual thoughts like you are the thought police.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

soulpotato said:


> I’m not sure why no one thinks it’s a big deal that he’s masturbating over other women. Finding other people “attractive” is one thing, but masturbating over them is quite another. I would classify that as a problem, OP.



It's because this is a fantasy. In reality there is no physical or emotional connection here. It's no different than masturbating to an image of a celebrity or Victoria secret catalogue. Fantasizing is completely healthy, especially considering this case in which the husband has to exist in an otherwise completely overbearing existence...

If you are trying to insinuate that a man should only fantasize about his wife at any given time, I regret to say THAT is a fantasy of a different nature...


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

Did something in particular occur with anyone at work for these women to even be on your radar?


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Wow! Private sexual thoughts about others should be kept private for this very reason. As a man, I think it is in our DNA to have sexual thoughts about women we find attractive. You forced him to open up Pandora's Box when you prodded a confession out of him. Now you have to live with the repercussions, or end the relationship.

I agree with others that coercing a confession of this sort out of him is overbearing, and comes across as you're being severely insecure. I personally think counselling would help you sort through some of that.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

If it makes you feel better I've jerked it and fantasized about pretty much every woman I've ever met. My wife's friends, her sister, coworkers, my sister's friends. All of them. In 31+ years of marriage I've never once cheated or even came close to it despite being hit on and propositioned quite a few times over the years. Just because he's whacking it to these women doesn't mean he'll cross the line. Be thankful he's this transparent and honest with you. Would you prefer he keeps this kind of stuff a secret?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

OP, you need to educate yourself with the biology of sex. Learn about human sexually, so that in the future you don't get all bend out of shape mentally, when you learn about silly things that men do to get off. 

And just for your info, men masturbate a lot of times just to relieve stress. It's innate in our nature; it doesn't mean nor have any type of emotional attachment, or that we are seeking anything other than the visual nature of it to get off.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Moreover, why you posted this in Coping With Infidelity? 
There's no infidelity or whatsoever on your husband's part by just fantasizing to get off.


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## arobk (Mar 17, 2017)

Bianca looked at some of your other posts. You need to see a therapist if you want to continue your marriage. Your husband is not perfect, but you are not either. You honest to god slapped him for not meeting your expectations on your return from a business trip. That is not the behavior of a healthy person.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I understand if your husband has fantasized about his coworkers. Sometimes you just grab what’s closest and coworkers are. I understand that fantasies about other women who are not coworkers are not any less hurtful. I won’t even go there.

This obsession with his coworkers on the he other hand does not sound healthy. Did you grow up in household where there was infidelity? Are you projecting this onto your husband? I also read your other post and I wonder if your expectations of your husband stem from an unrealistic insecurity? I’m speaking closer to my own experience than you know.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

The same husband that you say you’re better than? You think you’re better than him (and have gotten him to “admit” that fact) and now you’re forcing him to tell you he whacked it to some facebook pictures? Good god. 

Please get some help. These obsessions you have are NOT healthy.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

bianca have you thought of pursuing a career as a dominatrix?

men will pay good money for you to treat them this way.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

I try to sleep
They're wide awake
They won't let me alone
They don't get paid to take vacations
Or let me alone
They spy on me
I try to hide
They won't let me alone
They persecute me
They're the judge and jury all in one


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

soulpotato said:


> I’m not sure why no one thinks it’s a big deal that he’s masturbating over other women. Finding other people “attractive” is one thing, but masturbating over them is quite another. I would classify that as a problem, OP.




```
I so agree, and why is he searching for pictures of them on facebook????
Some of us just don't do this, men either. I see it as a big problem, and OP, you don't need help or counselling, you are normal to feel upset. He is clearly ogling them at work.
```


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> ```
> I so agree, and why is he searching for pictures of them on facebook????
> Some of us just don't do this, men either. I see it as a big problem, and OP, you don't need help or counselling, you are normal to feel upset. He is clearly ogling them at work.[/quote]
> 
> ...


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> ```
> I so agree, and why is he searching for pictures of them on facebook????
> Some of us just don't do this, men either. I see it as a big problem, and OP, you don't need help or counselling, you are normal to feel upset. He is clearly ogling them at work.[/quote]
> 
> ...


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

donny64 said:


> She badgered him into a confession about something completely normal (fantasizing about / masturbating to thoughts of other women). And she wasn’t strong enough to handle the answer. Yeah, he might be a little over the top infatuated, but geez.
> 
> We had a hottie at work who someone discovered was a bikini model. Google around happy hour ultimately led to discovery she also did some semi-hard core porn (nude modeling and a few masturbation videos). You can bet most of us “utilized” that a time or three.
> 
> ...


Quoting myself here (lol) to add: Talking about and even coaxing out fantasies your mate has can be healthy, educational, fun, exciting and healthy (sometimes a little disturbing and shall I say "shocking" and "enlightening" to put it mildly). If...IF done for the right reasons by a sexually and mentally stable, self confident, aware, and healthy individual. When it is done to simply reinforce already negative thoughts of sexuality or a mate, well then....like my lawyer uncle says: Don't ever ask the question you do not already know - or do not want the answer to. Because you're about to screw yourself if you do".


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Bianca Stella said:


> One of them was Miss Argentina and she is very gorgeous, I know he wants her since she is his type (or any man's).
> I am like a fkn 12 year old and can cry at any second. .



Get over it! Let him flog his dog to Miss Argentina-

He probably is screwing her - maybe not- who knows

Now- go get yourself some happy time in your mind with that total male specimen at the gym you work out with.

That flaming perfect man- the ass, the bulging thighs, the bulging package - those pecs, the six pack , the broad shoulders -

Who would blame you?

BTW- how often is your husband givin it to you every week?


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## Good Guy (Apr 26, 2016)

Miss Argentina at the office? How does he get any work done at all?


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