# HELP tips to not fail the path to reconcile



## gssteve

Hi,

my ex fiance and I have been separated since February. We have a 2 year old son who we both see everyday. These past months have been rough as we both talked to people and did things to spite one another. Now things have calmed down a little. I purchased a house and asked her to help me with our sons room. She got a little emotional and starting telling her close friends and brother she is having mixed feelings. I insisted she help with the house since my son will be living there and she is thinking about trying again. However she says that she is still not sure and it may be too soon to try again. I dont want to push her cuz I dont want to push her away but this is some of what she said 

"i thought helping you with the house and hanging out with our son would bring back those feelings but i dont know if i come back just like that. I'm trying to find those feelings again but its not gonna happen just like that"

Please if anyone has any tips to keep me on a steady path with hopes of reconciling my family let me know.


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## thompkevin

Hey, just take things slow. Keep building your own life and like you said don't push her. I am sure eventually she will realize she wants to give it another chance.


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## gssteve

I hope so.. for the sake of my family. I truly love her. I was ok till she offered to help with the house and now it's got me back to square one. She keeps on insisting to help with the house, should i even let her be a apart of it or will it just build my hopes up for nothing?


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## Kolors

Let her help but don't be optimistic about it. Everything is about building the relationship up from where it is now. 

Will decorating a room erase whatever past you all had and make you both realize that you are perfect for each other and you should move back in together tonight? Of course not.

Will you all and your child build a positive experience out of the process? Of course you can. Can that experience be the launching pad for more experiences in the future, for sure!

Just be you and focus on being you. She is totally honest that one experience will not make a family whole again but one good experience can make her crave another and if it is you that is providing it for her that makes it even better. Just stay positive and do not force the moment.


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## gssteve

thank you for the good advice. I do seem pushy by bringing it up but you guys are right. I need to just relax and not have expectations.


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## Kolors

Its totally natural to be pushy, that is just nerves. You knew how to win that woman once, you can do it again.


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## Bushman1972

gssteve said:


> I hope so.. for the sake of my family. I truly love her. I was ok till she offered to help with the house and now it's got me back to square one. She keeps on insisting to help with the house, should i even let her be a apart of it or will it just build my hopes up for nothing?


My wife came by the other night, drunk, in tears. She had locked herself out of the house. My daughter was in tow. They took my bed, I took the couch.

My daughter woke up sick and we spent the next 8 hours together in hospital looking after my daughter together. It felt like family life again, but more painful as it wasn't. I tried to talk to her but she won't talk to me off a therapists couch.

I put a roof over their heads. It put me back to square 1 with coping with the separation.

"She was gone and the coldness of it was her final gift."
Cormac McCarthy.


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