# Accepting your spouse for who they are



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Do you feel you accept your spouse for who they are?

Do they work and provide financially? Do they stay at home and take care of the house? If they work do you accept the fact their job might not be high paying? Or if your spouse stays at home do you feel you accept the fact your spouse might not like or be the best house keeper or cook? 

I see so many people talk about being the breadwinner, or the SAHM. And not appreciating the other etc. Do you feel you don't appreciate your spouse because you do not accept what they do or do not do? For those of you who DO appreciate your spouses contribution to the cleaning of the house or working outside the home, I guess that wouldn't apply to you. 

I'm just wanting to see why it is some people do not appreciate/accept their spouse and the things they do or not do. Certainly you can't come on a forum and say how your spouse doesn't do this or that and still say yes I have appreciation/acceptance for them.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I would like to think I accept my wife and appreciate her for the things she does and contribute too. 

She does not like to cook often. I knew this going into the marriage. She cooks, yes but not a lot. I'm ok and accepting of that. I do not have to have a home cooked meal on the table every single night. I also think she appreciates me for appreciating her for that. Folding clothes isn't her favorite thing either. I don't mind it so therefore I'm accepting of it. Does she fold them sometimes, sure. 

I guess people who are not accepting of the things their spouse may not like to do etc, are with the wrong person.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Usually there are a couple of issues that are causing an issue in the relationship. A common one is not enough sex.

I think it could be very typical that a husband could appreciate his wife for being a ton of wonderful things (great mom, cook, cleaner, lawyer, dr., athlete, etc.) but still come here and post about problems with their sex life.

You can appreciate many good things about your spouse but still not accept a certain thing (or things) that are not acceptable to you.


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## sharonND (Nov 7, 2011)

I appreciate my husband, but we both work equally hard and bring in 50-50 of the income. But he is a jerk and very selfish and bossy and i dont appreciate that. i wish i was single but im not into having to go to clubs trying to get a man and work hard trying to put up the impression im perfect, lol.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I do think its hard to "accept" a persons behavior especially if its damaging. 

However, things like not helping around the house, with kids, etc, that is different. IMO there is no reason why someone can't help out unless they are sick or incapacitated. So to me that wouldn't be acceptable. 

I had a friend who was married and all she did was complain about her husband not doing anything. They both worked. However, she would say how he never helped with the kids, never helped with the housework, never did yard work, never helped with groceries, he never supported her in anything etc, etc. 

I listened to that for years, and tried to be supportive. But it got to the point to where I finally just told her what I thought. "If you do not like the fact he is doing nothing, and he has no medical/psychological issues, you have tried counseling etc, then give him divorce papers and hit the road! There is no real reason why you should remain married to someone who obviously doesn't care enough about you or the marriage to put some effort into trying to save it!" Of course she was a little taken back by what I said, and didn't speak to me for about 2 days. Then I get a phone call saying she felt I was right, and that he didn't want to try etc, and that she shouldn't just accept things the way they were, she felt she deserved better. Last I heard they had divorced and she was much happier.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Only recently can I honestly say I accept my spouse the way he is.
I'm no longer interested in "changing" anything about him. That's the way he is. 

I go out of my way to say thank you when he does do something.
Just to be courteous. That is how you treat a good room-mate. Or a friend. Or a co-worker. And how I would want to be treated.

I guess if you can get past resentment, and not take it out on your partner, that's how life would be. It's a much more enjoyable life. 

But yes, it's a good thing to practice gratitude and appreciation. 
Even if you don't like the person you are living with.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I accept my fiance for who he is. And I appreciate him very much. I would never try to change him, and I don't think he'd ever try to change me. I would hope, that if we had any problems, that we'd make changes together to improve our relationship. But never try to change him.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Everyone has faults. The key is to choose a partner whose faults you can live with.

We do teach people how to treat us. If you ignore a partner's lack of effort in the marriage, then you are telling them that you will accept this behavior. I hate divorce, but unfortunately some people will not change unless they realize that their spouse is willing to divorce over a spouse who will not pull their weight in the relationship.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It took me a long time to get to a place of acceptance. I was queen of blaming all my life problems on him. Turns out I should have been looking in the mirror instead.

So to answer your question...yes I now fully accept my husband just as he is.


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