# My girlfriend has always had a boyfriend: Is this a bad sign??



## jjackson (Nov 20, 2011)

I've been dating this girl like a year. I've known her for roughly 8 years or so (We're both 31 now). She's always had a boyfriend like she can't be alone. High school boyfriend, college boyfriend, after college boyfriends (notice the plural) and 3 since I've known her in 8 years; 2 years, 1 year and 4 years. She'll have a boyfriend, break up and find another 2 months later and stay with them for years. She never really gives herself time in between. She's talking to me about marriage and having kids and what not. It sort of scares me that if I marry this chick who says she won't drop me or fall out of love and find someone to replace me right away. Seems like she grows sick of dudes and breaks it off or they break it off with her, god only knows. She's never been the type of chick to sleep around she's just ALWAYS with someone. Seems like she'll date anyone just to have someone around; I mean the dudes I met were real, REAL d-bags. Arrogant, co*ky pricks or just straight up nerds/dorks. She's always telling me how I'm so different because i'm not a sh#%head and people actually like me. We get along fine but I'm apprehensive to move forward, not necessarily marriage, but just put this behind me and really love her for who she is. Any thoughts?? I also think she just is at the age ready for marriage and to have kids, all her friends are married and have kids. So what if she's using me for my man juice and because I'm around when she wants to get married?? I think it's a common factor that her and her mother share. From what she tells me her mother just bounced from guy to guy to guy all while she was growing up. I think her and her brother tallied like 25 boyfriends her mom's had while they were growing up until now, i mean are you kidding me?? What exactly is the problem with her mom and does that trickle down to her?? I mean i'll date a girl for 3 years or a year or whatever then just want to be alone until someone special comes along. I don't need to be with someone just to be with someone. Any thoughts on this or am I over analyzing everything?? I love her but this feels suspicious to me and unnerving to me. Thoughts??


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jjackson said:


> I've been dating this girl like a year. I've known her for roughly 8 years or so (We're both 31 now). She's always had a boyfriend like she can't be alone. High school boyfriend, college boyfriend, after college boyfriends (notice the plural) and 3 since I've known her in 8 years; 2 years, 1 year and 4 years. She'll have a boyfriend, break up and find another 2 months later and stay with them for years. She never really gives herself time in between. She's talking to me about marriage and having kids and what not. It sort of scares me that if I marry this chick who says she won't drop me or fall out of love and find someone to replace me right away. Seems like she grows sick of dudes and breaks it off or they break it off with her, god only knows. She's never been the type of chick to sleep around she's just ALWAYS with someone. *Seems like she'll date anyone just to have someone around;* I mean the dudes I met were real, REAL d-bags. Arrogant, co*ky pricks or just straight up nerds/dorks. She's always telling me *how I'm so different *because i'm not a sh#%head and people actually like me. We get along fine but I'm apprehensive to move forward, not necessarily marriage, but just put this behind me and really love her for who she is. Any thoughts?? I also think she just is at the age ready for marriage and to have kids, all her friends are married and have kids. So what if she's using me for my man juice and because I'm around when she wants to get married?? I think it's a common factor that her and her mother share. From what she tells me her mother just bounced from guy to guy to guy all while she was growing up. I think her and her brother tallied like 25 boyfriends her mom's had while they were growing up until now, i mean are you kidding me?? What exactly is the problem with her mom and does that trickle down to her?? I mean i'll date a girl for 3 years or a year or whatever then just want to be alone until someone special comes along. I don't need to be with someone just to be with someone. Any thoughts on this or am I over analyzing everything?? I love her but this feels suspicious to me and unnerving to me. Thoughts??



I think she's using you as the backup or safety man.

You know the type of men she's attracted to. Unless you can reprogrammed her inner being, I would think there would be heartaches ahead for you. But what do I know? Some, very few, but some can change with lots of help, experience, intentions and anguish.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I don't think anyone on this board could possibly answer your question in any sort of accurate way. I don't think most women use men for their "man juice". If you really love her, I'm not sure how you could think this about her. 

It does sound like she has a dysfunctional family, but so do many people. It doesn't necessarily mean she can't have a happy marriage.

How does she treat you? How is your relationship? Is she clingy? Is she honest? Does she have outside interests and a good group of friends? Does she have her own career and her own "stuff" going on? Would she be open to therapy? Would you? I think YOU may have some trust issues.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Serial monogamy, it's the new thing when women are told they are fools for marrying before 30 in order to get a career going, experiencing "life" and going it alone.

It is a joke, instead of a husband they just have a bunch of mini husbands. The problem is you g/f will have a hard time bonding to you just like she did Joe, Mike, Mark, Doug.......


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't marry her. For the simple reason that it sounds like you have have a lot of resentment towards her because she had been in one relationship after another, her past, of which she cannot change. Just as you can't change yours.

I would suggest you talk to her about how you feel openly and honestly. 

It seems you like her but then you make all of these excuses...kinda sounds like you want out.

Don't waste either of your time. I don't think she's "using" you as someone else suggested. To me it sounds like you're not 100% about her.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jjackson said:


> Seems like she'll date anyone just to have someone around; I mean the dudes I met were real, REAL d-bags. Arrogant, co*ky pricks or just straight up nerds/dorks. She's always telling me how I'm so different because i'm not a sh#%head and people actually like me.


This is the part that makes me think you're being used.

When a woman tells you "you're so different, you're so nice" they've friend-zoned you in a sense. She's telling you you're not the type of boyfriends she's attracted to. She like the bad-boy type deep down, you're not one of them. She may settle down with you but...


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

Yes it's a bad sign....., because you're asking yourself that question... If she doesn't fit your idea of what a wife should be like, just don't marry her, why waste her time. People are different in their love lifes... if you prefer a virgin or a girl, that has never had a serious relationship, then it's up to you . Remember she can't change her past and if it bothers you that much leave ,so that you won't torture her for that in your married life.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Don't marry her. For the simple reason that it sounds like you have have a lot of resentment towards her because she had been in one relationship after another, her past, of which she cannot change. Just as you can't change yours.
> 
> I would suggest you talk to her about how you feel openly and honestly.
> 
> ...


I read the first sentence and went to quote it to fight it, but then I read on... I agree. 

I started dating when I was 16, and have had no more than a few months between relationships, with my last one being the longest I was single at 6 months. 

I too stayed with the men for years at a time, and the only thing I can say is this. 

It is friggin' lonely alone!!! That's it! I am an independant person who has hobbies away from my fiance, and things I've learned on my own, and when I was newly single I was happy and loved every moment of it, but I am happier in a co-working relationship. I don't regret not being single that much, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. 

Some people I know haven't been with any man - They've been single their whole lives.. Wouldn't that be a red flag as well...? I don't think so 

Honestly, I think you need to ask yourself if you are truly happy with her! 


SM


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't think your future with her will depend on whether or not she has had a boyfriend all the time or not.

In eight years she has had 3 relationships. That doesn't seem like too many. They have all lasted a few years. Would you rather she slept with 40 guys and never dated any of them more than a week or two?

I think her dating seems pretty normal for a 31 year old.


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## RelationshipCoach (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't think I would question her as much as I would question you. 

It sounds as though you are having many doubts about her past. You have many feelings about the way that she handles her feelings towards men and thus her feelings towards you. 

To marry her, you'd have to 100% confident in yourself that this is the person you want to be with ... and from your post... it doesn't seem that way. 

These thoughts you are having are a concern for you and it's something you should explore for yourself and how important they are for you. No one can tell you how valid they are and what they will mean for you in the future because no one can tell the future. You can just have to look within yourself and decide how comfortable YOU feel with it and if it's something you can look past and believe when she says that you are THE man that she wants to be with for the rest her HER life.

Marcelina - Relationship Repair Coach


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If she feels her mothers love life is /was "normal" and fine, with over 25 boyfriends while they grew up, I would think she is really dysnfunctional and she may have fallen into some of these traits, BUT if she feels her MOTHER was really screwed up and would do anything to have a stable "life giving" relationship /marraige -learning from the obvious dysfunctional mistakes of her family, this would be a PLUS. Although it does sound like she chooses scumbags, and yes, it would be best to be "alone" and single than to be hanging off the arm of some of those men! She sounds like she has very low self -esteem. 

I did not like how my mother conducted her life, she was niave & did many things to please others, mistake after mistake after mistake- with men, I did not want to be like her, I learned from her pain. Kids will either follow in their parents footsteps feeling "this is normal" or do anything and everything in their power to do the exact opposite to spare their own lives that destructive path.


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