# Horrible feeling



## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

I am fighting the feeling to call and text like a teenager, I have got to save my dignity. How do you do that when I want to yell and scream so bad "why dont you love me" why are you doing this to me and our kids, why cant you work with me, how can you function when this is consuming me, my every thought! 17 years! all of my youth, since I was 17! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel like I want to expload, like i neeeed to expload. really expload. she is 24, you are 40... really, really now like she has a clue. I am at work and my heart is pounding, this doesnt seam to bother you at all. I am planning our daughters bday party this weekend and you are going to the races....IDK if I am strong enough for this, I am rotting from the inside out and turning into a needy ballbag who can only focus on my failing marriage, whew..............


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is he still living with you?

Treat him according to the 180.

Treat yourself like a queen.

What are the things that you like to do to pamper yourself? Do you like a nice hot soaking bath. Do that after work today. Put on some good music, get a glass of wine (plastic class for the tub) and soak. this always calms me down.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Ann, please calm down. You already had a ministroke. Get your blood pressure checked. Seriously. Go get checked. You are boiling over again and this is not good for you.

I do believe your anger is way over the top and I sense that it is not all related to what your WH did.

Please go get checked.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Ann I'm so sorry to read this... your pain is clear to all.

Please find a way to manage your anger and hurt.... allow this rot to set in is your choice. 

You need to be your own best friend right now. What would you suggest to a dear friend in this situation?

Do that for yourself... walk somewhere beautiful, get a massage, buy yourself some flowers, talk to friends and loved ones...who will lift you. Small gestures add up.

Look after yourself for you daughter and for yourself.
Live well.
THAT is the best revenge always!


----------



## Willowfin (Jan 2, 2012)

For the many of us here who have moved on from the early days filled with high emotional draining drama - we know exactly what you are going through! We all got the same advice - this terrible period will pass and you will regain your mental sanity! 
We are all stronger than we think. 

Seriously, would you be paying attention to someone who was crying, needy, clingy - No, of course you wouldn't. Let him make a fool of himself with this young girl, but please stop buzzing around him. You are a strong woman, crack on with your daughter's party plans. When all my crap was going on - I came up with a mantra to stop myself getting sucked in to the drama - 'Do not engage -because the man is nuts'! I said this in my head over and over. 

Believe me a strong, confident, classy woman is WAY more desirable than a weeping needy mess! And guess what - when you reach that stage (and you will for sure) you'll actually wonder why you ever 'needed' his forgiveness.


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dear Ann:
Do not contact him. He will say things that will hurt you. He will ignore your feeling.
If you want to vent, vent to us. Read other threads, it helps.
Stay strong,
He will never give you the answers you seek, never.


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Hope your daughter has a good birthday.

If he is still in the affair fog, file for divorce. Sometimes he will wake up, but you can not continue to be hurt this way.

You must respect yourself. He is not respecting you.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it hurts. But you will get beyond it. No one is worth the anguish we put ourselves through. When your thoughts turn to him, redirect them to you. It's your actions you control. Not his or why he did or didn't do things.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

AnnRains said:


> I am fighting the feeling to call and text like a teenager, I have got to save my dignity. How do you do that when I want to yell and scream so bad "why dont you love me" why are you doing this to me and our kids, why cant you work with me, how can you function when this is consuming me, my every thought! 17 years! all of my youth, since I was 17! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel like I want to expload, like i neeeed to expload. really expload. she is 24, you are 40... really, really now like she has a clue. I am at work and my heart is pounding, this doesnt seam to bother you at all. I am planning our daughters bday party this weekend and you are going to the races....IDK if I am strong enough for this, I am rotting from the inside out and turning into a needy ballbag who can only focus on my failing marriage, whew..............


OK. This is bad, but we can help you get through this.

And yes, you *will* be strong enough. 

Who else knows? Have you access to legal advice?


----------



## Rosie 1 (Oct 6, 2013)

AnnRains said:


> I am fighting the feeling to call and text like a teenager, I have got to save my dignity. How do you do that when I want to yell and scream so bad "why dont you love me" why are you doing this to me and our kids, why cant you work with me, how can you function when this is consuming me, my every thought! 17 years! all of my youth, since I was 17! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel like I want to expload, like i neeeed to expload. really expload. she is 24, you are 40... really, really now like she has a clue. I am at work and my heart is pounding, this doesnt seam to bother you at all. I am planning our daughters bday party this weekend and you are going to the races....IDK if I am strong enough for this, I am rotting from the inside out and turning into a needy ballbag who can only focus on my failing marriage, whew..............


Ann I just read through all your threads and your pain is palpable. I really feel so upset reading them and am so sorry. I agree that it would help if you can find a way to calm yourself down as EleGirl suggested and try to balance your equilibrium. Much easier said than done - I am trying to do the same for myself right now. But the more you work yourself up the less clear your thinking. 

I see your husband has served you papers. Is he leaving because you cannot reconcile or because he is returning to the bartender girl?

I am no expert. This is all new to me. But from everything I am reading, what really seems to be effective is doing the 180. If your husband notices you suddenly shut down on him and seem completely uninterested and unfocused on him, that will get his attention more than if you hound him. 

I am so sorry.


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Ann I'm sorry you are going through this. You are clearly distressed and in a state of high anxiety and you've already had a mini stroke. 
Can you see your doctor ASAP to let them know what is going on? They will be able to help and perhaps give you something to reduce your anxiety. 
You said you almost lost your job last week due to your distress. Perhaps your doctor can also arrange for you to take sick leave. 

Best way as everyone says on here is do to the 180. It's very hard to do especially the way you are feeling. But it is so worth it. If you see your WH give an Oscar winning performance. Speak slowly and calmly always from now on. That's the key. You can do it! Put an elastic band on your wrist and if you feel your anger rising just snap the elastic band. Also do not send him any texts. Go quiet. 

If he moves back in you will have to work harder on it. You may be surprised but after a day or two you will become used to it. Just keep that elastic band on your wrist. Imagine yourself wrapped in a cloak of calm. 

Another poster said if you feel like venting do it on here. Great idea!


----------



## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

Thankyou all for the kind words. Idk if it has anything to do with her or just my inability to leave her behind. Yes he has filed, we go to court on the 30th. I dont know what this 180 thing is but id love to know about it. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result...well i was there. And have been for a very long time. I start counseling tomorrow. It will be good for me. I need to learn how to handle all all of this crap in my head. It may be foolish but i hope he stays and trys with me. Im doing things different this time. I truely love this man...but idf he choses to leave than i will be a much better person for helping myself.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

time will heal. a bad husband is one thing, a bad father is simply too telling to ignore. Let him go and you will be better for it. It will be hard, but well worth it IMO.


----------



## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

Ty, all bs aside hebisba good dad, as much as i want to say how can you walk out on us, i know he will be a good father with or without me. I just have to figure out how strong i am


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

There are many times I feel the same way. I feel like I have no one to vent to. I feel like my WW is a heartless, inconsiderate, disgusting person but for some reason I cannot detach the feelings I have for her. I hate it!!

I feel like just unloading all the anger I have built up and tell her she is a horrible, rotten person for not having morals and living like she is not doing anything wrong.


----------

