# Loss of virginity- start with "Just the tip"? Kind of normal or manipulative? How did you feel after?



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Interesting article about how sex might start with "Just the tip" without it being an intentional decision, at least not on the woman's part. Got me wondering how many women lost their virginity this way, and how they later felt about it. It's not an academic question because it may explain why my wife has been in pretty extensive therapy dealing with a 9 month gap in her memory before she met me. 

The point is, if you hadn't decided to have sex, no consent, but it happens without you realizing it, where does that leave you? I have a feeling this may happen quite a bit. 

If so, was it manipulation? Passion that just got out of hand? Something that was eventually going to happen so no big deal? Or is it something that could fall into the category of rape for some?

I brought this up with my wife, who didn't really believe sex (we could more specifically say losing virginity) could happen without a woman being aware of it. So I told her I'd do some role playing, pretending to be a guy, like one of the several guys from her past, that was extremely into her for sex, with her saying no. I would do the "Just the tip" thing. Which I did. Please, just let me put it right there, I won't go in, let's just see how it feels, our bodies so close together. And then I distracted her with kissing and saying nice things while I very gradually moved inside. Positioning myself in a way there'd be no touching of hips, my arms and legs holding my body off of hers, nothing but a very careful arcing inward of my hips.

After a couple of minutes I asked her if we were having sex or not. She said no. So I put my hand around my penis at the point where it entered her and pulled out and showed her. She was shocked. 4 or 5 inches. We talked about it. She did not believe sex could happen that way. Without her knowing/understanding. How would she feel if that had happened to her? Normal? Coerced? Guilty? Looking back upon it, she actually thinks it's in the "rape" category. She's got a lot to talk to her therapist about now. Her therapy has not been as successful as it should be because she's been extraordinarily protective of believing what she wants to believe happened, despite diaries that were pretty specific about what did happen. But now she's suddenly open to exploring things in a very different way, and she's beginning to remember some things she didn't dare recall before.

This has had an effect on me too. The demonstration was a combination of fun, interesting and really scary. I'd never done this with a girl (my number is only two, and in both cases it was the woman who decided when) but I do remember as a teenager reading stuff, maybe it was Penthouse Forum or something similar, that explained how to seduce a reluctant woman and included how to have "accidental" sex. 

It could be that no woman here can relate to this, and I'm OK with that. But maybe? Thanks, and apologize if this actually does bring up anything painful for anyone.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Personally, I don't blame anyone (past sexual partners) for my choices.

Women need to come to terms with the fact that any man you date wants to have sex with you. That's a hard fact.

And a lot of the time - not always, but I'd say a majority - they'll say whatever they want/need to say to get it. One author I read refers to it as swimming with the sharks. 🙂

So, in my personal opiinion, women need to mentally prepare themselves to deal with that truth long before they're in a situation where it 'just happens'.

The time to think about it is not when you've been making out for however long and have all your clothes off.

Where does this leave a woman, if it happens to her? Learn from it, and don't do it again. Hopefully, you don't get pregnant and/or an STD.

Was it manipulative? Of course it was.

Fall into the category of rape? Maybe so. It depends on the situation.

I read an article not too long ago of a woman who had consensual sex with a university football star. Well, his roommate came in (fellow teammate) afterwards (this was the plan between the two men), and they both raped her. Then they mocked her and videotaped her.



Casual Observer said:


> The point is, if you hadn't decided to have sex, no consent, but it happens without you realizing it, where does that leave you? I have a feeling this may happen quite a bit.
> 
> If so, was it manipulation? Passion that just got out of hand? Something that was eventually going to happen so no big deal? Or is it something that could fall into the category of rape for some?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> The point is, if you hadn't decided to have sex, no consent, but* it happens without you realizing *it, where does that leave you? I have a feeling this may happen quite a bit.


I don't understand how this can happen. Especially, the first few times. A girl/woman may be accustomed to using tampons; but, surely the male would be larger than a tampon. I'm guessing you weren't thrusting when you entered her so she didn't feel any friction. I won't speak to the alternatives.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Casual Observer , 

First comment: you were able to enter her without her entirely "knowing" how far you were, and she is a married woman who is sexually experienced (and by that I just mean that she has been experiencing intercourse for a number of years). Imagine a young woman who either has never had sex or is just inexperienced. 

Second comment: when I was 19yo and in college, I lost my virginity by being raped. I went to a party, got drunk, passed out, and woke up with a guy inside me. Being drunk, I felt a little numb and disoriented (no it wasn't a date drug thing--just drank too much), and being a virgin I had never had a guy inside me before so I had no idea what it felt like and honestly for a while I wasn't entirely sure what was going on. At the time, I just sort of locked it away and didn't speak to the guy or do anything. Forgot about it and moved on. Years later (I was about 30yo), when I was talking about this to my counselor, I was describing what happened and he said something like "You were raped" and I said no I wasn't, I got drunk and he was making out with me when I woke up. But I DID remember waking up and feeling scared like I was in danger, and feeling guilty like I should be ashamed. That's when my counselor said, "Well think about that a moment. What made you feel that way? Were you having sex and that was against what you believed?" And that's when I realized I had been having sex! This may sound weird but I never had thought of it as sex until that day, nor had I thought of it as rape--just didn't use those words for it in my head--and I think it was partially because I didn't have much experience and didn't entirely know WHAT it was at the time. I mean, some part of you knows, but this other part of me was like "What the heck? Did that just happen? What was that?" Honestly I think it was some degree of dissociation, but again, at the time I had no idea! When I did go to counseling, I understood, if I didn't say YES and I wasn't fully conscious and he was on top of me and inside of me...it was rape! 

My guess is that your wife may have had her own version of this experience. It's not so much that you don't remember. It's more like "at the time it was occuring I didn't have experience or vocabulary to put it into words." Now she is in a safer place, both within herself and with you, and she may come to realize "GOOD GOD, I did have sex. I remember feeling ___ and that was him inside me, only I was so inexperienced I didn't let myself believe it."


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Interesting comments, thanks! But ultimately the question is, how many women lost their virginity in an unplanned fashion, starting with something that seemed relatively innocent (just the tip) and went on from there? Not over time; within a single episode. And if that happened, how did you later view it?

I do totally get @Affaircare 's quote-


> It's not so much that you don't remember. It's more like "at the time it was occuring I didn't have experience or vocabulary to put it into words." Now she is in a safer place, both within herself and with you, and she may come to realize "GOOD GOD, I did have sex. I remember feeling ___ and that was him inside me, only I was so inexperienced I didn't let myself believe it."


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

How is it "relatively innocent" being naked with a man and having his "tip" there????

Mutual choosing to get naked/removing underwear with each over isn't "unplanned".


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Livvie said:


> How is it "relatively innocent" being naked with a man and having his "tip" there????
> 
> Mutual choosing to get naked/removing underwear with each over isn't "unplanned".


I appreciate that what I suggested wasn't how everyone loses their virginity and that it might seem a bit strange. Like going in with blinders on. Naive. Or just a bit foolish and self-deceptive. But as teenagers (and maybe even a bit older) we're not always thinking straight.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't think you'll find many women on TAM who didn't or don't know when a penis is inside of them. Maybe a few like AC whose senses were dulled by alcohol or the guy had a micro-penis.

Is your wife in the habit of asking "Is it in, yet?". If not, you might want to consider she's gaslighting you.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> I appreciate that what I suggested wasn't how everyone loses their virginity and that it might seem a bit strange. Like going in with blinders on. Naive. Or just a bit foolish and self-deceptive. But as teenagers (and maybe even a bit older) we're not always thinking straight.


I agree, teenagers aren't always thinking straight. But honestly, like I said, I was commenting on your use of the phrase "relatively innocent" and the word "unplanned". Taking off your UNDERWEAR with a guy is anything but innocent and unplanned.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> I don't think you'll find many women on TAM who didn't or don't know when a penis is inside of them. Maybe a few like AC whose senses were dulled by alcohol or the guy had a micro-penis.
> 
> Is your wife in the habit of asking "Is it in, yet?". If not, you might want to consider she's gaslighting you.


Truth? Yes, she frequently doesn't know if it's "in" or not. Which could really do a number on a guy's head (ooh, wrong choice of word!!!) right? Thankfully I'm OK in that department.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> I appreciate that what I suggested wasn't how everyone loses their virginity and that it might seem a bit strange. Like going in with blinders on. Naive. Or just a bit foolish and self-deceptive. But as teenagers (and maybe even a bit older) we're not always thinking straight.


So you're suggesting 100% naked is an invitation for sex? I agree. She doesn't.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I find the whole 'consent' movement ridiculous.

To me, it's a way for women to abdicate responsibility for their choices and to put themselves in the role of victim before anything physical even happens.



Casual Observer said:


> So you're suggesting 100% naked is an invitation for sex? I agree. She doesn't.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

minimalME said:


> I find the whole 'consent' movement ridiculous.
> 
> To me, it a way for women to abdicate responsibility for their choices and to put themselves in the role of victim before anything physical even happens.


Sure a young person under the influence of abstinence morality, could arrange the action right up to the point of "inevitability" (quotes because I don't believe that bit either, no matter who is saying it) and then proceed to the sex that was the point of the whole encounter with a "pure" heart that never consented. But the opposite is also true a manipulative male has slowly set the pieces in place for a checkmate, never intending to get consent. This is exactly why I claim that there is no such thing as organic and spontaneous sex.

The strength of the consent movement is that it expects conscious premeditated agreement. When I have sex, I know at the start what my goals are for the event. I have a pretty good Idea what my partner wants, and when those goals change. We inform each other. 

There are plenty of problems with consent, a bunch of them can easily be traced back to abstinence morality indoctrination. A lot of them can be tied to alcohol misuse. 

I agree wit you minimal me. I just think that the idea will eventually work. Mostly people on both sides of the gender line have to accept and act on their responsibility.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Throughout history, the conscious, premediatted agreement has been marriage. 

People have always done what they've wanted to do - prostitution, mistresses, same-sex relations, etc.

But, for the most part, up until recently (around the time of the industrial revolution), most societies held onto to the standard of marriage - and found ways to punish/shun those who _publically _went against the norm.

These days, it's more of a sexual free-for-all.



Mr. Nail said:


> The strength of the consent movement is that it expects conscious premeditated agreement.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Yes it is now officially a free for all. The assumption of consent at marriage had it's problems as well.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Very true! But I think in the past it was understood by most women that if you chose to get married, you were going to have sex when your husband wanted sex. 

The women who didn't care for that arrangement simply stayed single and celibate.



Mr. Nail said:


> The assumption of consent at marriage had it's problems as well.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

This thread is moving away from the topic; it wasn't about the pros and cons of "consent" but rather, who might have lost their virginity without it really having been their intent, and how did they feel about it afterward? Something you didn't plan on happening and, had you been in a clearer state of mind, wouldn't have, but being horny/distracted allowed things to happen? There had never been a conversation, or maybe there had been, where you'd stated you weren't going to have sex, everything but, and it happened anyway. A very naive way of going about things, to be sure, and it seems like people here were either never naive or self-deceptive?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Sorry. 😬 

For me, it doesn't matter. I simply take responsiblity for whatever choices I made in the past and move on.



Casual Observer said:


> This thread is moving away from the topic; it wasn't about the pros and cons of "consent" but rather, who might have lost their virginity without it really having been their intent, and how did they feel about it afterward? Something you didn't plan on happening and, had you been in a clearer state of mind, wouldn't have, but being horny/distracted allowed things to happen? There had never been a conversation, or maybe there had been, where you'd stated you weren't going to have sex, everything but, and it happened anyway. A very naive way of going about things, to be sure, and *it seems like people here were either never naive or self-deceptive?*


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

minimalME said:


> Sorry. 😬
> 
> For me, it doesn't matter. I simply take responsiblity for whatever choices I made in the past and move on.


That's the healthy way of doing things. Taking responsibility allows you to learn from those choices, some of which may have been mistakes. You did bold *"it seems like people here were either never naive or self-deceptive?" *Do you think that's because this is a pre-selected audience that feels more comfortable about such matters, or do you think naivete and self-deception are rare?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I highlighted your specific question so that it would be obvious I was giving you an answer to something you asked. That's all. Clarity. 🙂

As to your last question, I think, in general, our modern societies are overly comfortable sharing their private lives, and poor judgement/lack of wisdom and self-deception are common.



Casual Observer said:


> That's the healthy way of doing things. Taking responsibility allows you to learn from those choices, some of which may have been mistakes. You did bold *"it seems like people here were either never naive or self-deceptive?" *Do you think that's because this is a pre-selected audience that feels more comfortable about such matters, or do you think naivete and self-deception are rare?


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

This wasn't exactly what I was expecting from the title. My ex (and I) were virgins before we became a couple. Her first real sexual experience (and orgasm) was me going down on her when we had been dating for a little over a month. My first sexual experience was "just the tip" a couple weeks later. I'm not sure whether it was her nerves or guilt or whatever but "just the tip" was all she could handle for the next 3-4 months. We tried lube, with or without oral first, and different positions but nothing allowed anything more than a slow insertion of a couple inches for quite some time. Each "attempt" was a bit of a production so there was no sneakiness or deception at all.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

My wife's attitude was and I quote, "Why do you think I would just let you do something I don't want you to?" Our relationship was basically implied consent from 6 months on with the possibility of making arrangements beforehand but that was somewhat discouraged. Talking about what I wanted to do before hand would often put her out of the mood.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> Interesting comments, thanks! But ultimately the question is, how many women lost their virginity in an unplanned fashion, starting with something that seemed relatively innocent (just the tip) and went on from there? Not over time; within a single episode. And if that happened, how did you later view it?
> 
> I do totally get @Affaircare 's quote-


I was making out with a guy I was seeing in college and didn't plan on having sex with him at all. In the heat of the moment, we were fooling around, and yes, tried the "just the tip" we were both 18 y/o virgins. We ended up having sex a few times after because I figured, well, we'd already done it, why not do it properly. In hindsight, I regret losing my virginity to him, but it wasn't rape and I'm not "scarred for life". That taught me not to mess around with anyone I didn't intend to have sex with going forward. 




minimalME said:


> I find the whole 'consent' movement ridiculous.
> 
> To me, it's a way for women to abdicate responsibility for their choices and to put themselves in the role of victim before anything physical even happens.


It's completely illogical. Especially if both parties are drunk and end up having sex. Either both cannot consent or both can. I never understood why men are held to a higher standard when it comes to responsible behaviour. I know it's an unpopular stance, but there it is.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> I was making out with a guy I was seeing in college and didn't plan on having sex with him at all. In the heat of the moment, we were fooling around, and yes, tried the "just the tip" we were both 18 y/o virgins. We ended up having sex a few times after because I figured, well, we'd already done it, why not do it properly. In hindsight, I regret losing my virginity to him, but it wasn't rape and I'm not "scarred for life". That taught me not to mess around with anyone I didn't intend to have sex with going forward.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I might be derailing the thread a little bit. If this is out of bounds, deleting it is fine by me.

There are several reasons that the consent of the male isn't really considered. The reasons might vary between people but the ones off the top of my head are:


An erection is implied consent so unless he is being penetrated, he can't be raped. That is, it is physically impossible for a woman to rape a man.
Men are always in the mood so not consenting would never be an issue.
Men are by nature predatory so impaired / inebriated sex was likely orchestrated by the man.
Women are weaker and more vulnerable so they deserve and require more protection.
Men aren't emotionally tied to sex so even if they didn't intend or really want to have sex, they were still just having sex so that is OK.
The man probably had an orgasm so that was retroactive consent.
Those have all been sited in public comments for things like female teachers having sex with male students.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I think self-deception is rare. But maybe that’s because I’m not capable of it. 

Things happen. The vast majority (IME) own them. Your wife is one who doesn’t.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m not a supporter of anyone making excuses for what they’ve done in their lives. Or pretending none of it ever happened. I made some very stupid decisions when I was young many decades ago and I accept that I did. Was I naive? Absolutely. But I put the blame where it belongs — on me. Your wife needs to learn to do the same. The question is will she (I doubt it but you still hope she will — who knows).


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

I remember laying with my now husband on the floor of my parent’s den in their basement. We were 14 years old, pants off, covered with a blanket. We had been dating for like ten months, which equates to forever in junior high years. I had zero intentions of having intercourse at that time. None. He asked if he could put in just the tip, I was terrified but excited and agreed. After the tip I screamed “GET OUT OF ME!” and he retreated real fast.

Is just the tip considered losing your virginity? I would love to make him believe that was true because then he could stop being upset that he wasn’t my first. But neither of us really believe that so...

There was no way young virginal me would not know it was in because I was focused as hell on what was happening. Could he have pushed on instead of retreating? Of course, but I darn well would have known it was happening. Likewise, your role play experiment would not work on 48 yr old me either. I have sometimes thought there was more (ie felt like three fingers but it was only two) but never thought it was less or not at all. Does she have a rare medical condition?

My point is that yes, that situation could start without intent of intercourse, and could certainly go there fast without consent, but NOT without realization. Don’t you think your experiment was manipulative? It seems like you need it to be sexual assault to meet your own imagined narrative of why she is the way she is. Trauma isn’t always from lack of consent.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bluesclues said:


> My point is that yes, that situation could start without intent of intercourse, and could certainly go there fast without consent, but NOT without realization. Don’t you think your experiment was manipulative? It seems like you need it to be sexual assault to meet your own imagined narrative of why she is the way she is. Trauma isn’t always from lack of consent.


To be honest, part of the reason for my post was because I find her (my wife's) assertion questionable. No weird medical physical condition; I think this is more a dissociative state of mind she's able to readily access. We're talking about someone who claims to have nearly a year missing from her memory, starting midway through 17 and ending midway through 18, a time which just happens to coincide with things that most women (and men) would find quite memorable. My "experiment" provided interesting background for her therapist, to be sure. 

Question- what did you mean when you said "Trauma isn't always from lack of consent"?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

minimalME said:


> Throughout history, the conscious, premediatted agreement has been marriage.
> 
> People have always done what they've wanted to do - prostitution, mistresses, same-sex relations, etc.
> 
> ...


Well, they usually punish women for out of marriage sex, but considered it excused for men.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

This thread brings me back to another time. Triggers a bit.

My first time i fell for something like that. Got me in position for sex and he calmed me down by saying "don't worry, I'm just gonna rub it on the outside". I don't know whether I truly believed him or that was just what I needed to hear. Then inevitably, "it just happened". Rubbed it on the outside for a little while like he said he would but then just suddenly pushed into me. Happened so fast. 

I think that when you're fooling around with a new guy and he then positions you and himself into a sexual position (spreads your legs and positions himself between them etc, that's like the "moment of truth" or the tipping point. That's the point when you know exactly what's going to happen. If you don't want it, you need to do something or say something NOW. When I've been in that situation with guys that I've been with for the first time, nothing about having sex had been discussed before that. Just kind of went with the fooling around, not knowing what was going to happen. But that's the first time you are forced into a decision. Stop him or let him go all the way with me? Try to slow him down? Talk to him about it? What about using protection? Thoughts like "I really shouldn't be doing this".

As a female, I can tell you that this was always a very pivotal moment for me. I remember many of those times vividly. Your mind races. Even though I was promiscuous, with a new guy, it always felt like a very monumental point in time. Despite going wayward, I was still very religious and struggling with my religion. Basically I was taught that sex is part of the marital bond so a VERY big deal.

Anyway, I think that something like "just the tip" or what happened in my case is manipulation to feel OK with him "getting in position" for sex. Like that pressure point I was describing is diffused. You can relax a little under the (false) feeling that even though you're getting in position for sex, he's not going to put it in. So he's just removed the last major hurdle/barrier to having sex and he probably knows he's home free if you've agreed to be in that vulnerable position - he's like 90% of the way there. I learned a lot about guys and sexuality at these times. How things work. Hard realities. You learn fast. But it is what it is. I accepted it. He got what he wanted that night. I lost a lot that night. i was stupid. I fell for it.

To your situation, I think you need to be careful. I don't fully understand the experiment that you were doing but doing something like that to prove something about your wife's past can end up being very cruel, even if you're not meaning it that way.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

JustTheWife said:


> This thread brings me back to another time. Triggers a bit.
> 
> My first time i fell for something like that. Got me in position for sex and he calmed me down by saying "don't worry, I'm just gonna rub it on the outside". I don't know whether I truly believed him or that was just what I needed to hear. Then inevitably, "it just happened". Rubbed it on the outside for a little while like he said he would but then just suddenly pushed into me. Happened so fast.
> 
> ...


Interesting so many think it "cruel" and an "experiment." I guess the later part is somewhat true, but it was something she actually enjoyed. No cruelty experienced by her, far as I know. She found it enlightening and a bit fun. It was much, much, MUCH harder on me than it was her. She had no mind games playing at the time. Me? Yeah, I'll admit to it, I was a bit messed up by it. We have learned a LOT since that night. Counseling is beginning to get somewhere. Looks like "Everything you know is wrong" is not completely off the mark. More on that later. Thanks. And thanks for owning up to how things happen; for the most part, it appears everyone here sees such things as extremely unlikely and naive.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I was never put in this position because I've never let anybody I wasn't prepared to have sex with that close to me in that way. But, I can say that speaking for myself, nobody would have been able to "sneak" the rest of their penis in on the first time without me knowing about it. It hurt, a lot and I would have known. To be honest, even now, 22 years later, I will still always know. It would not be possible for a guy to sneak his penis into me without me knowing it's there unless it's a mighty small penis or I'm experiencing a black out drunk which I avoid like the plague. 

If for some reason it did happen to me, I would feel violated by it. There has to be a certain trust between people when it comes to sex and if that's not there, no thanks.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Bluesclues said:


> Is just the tip considered losing your virginity? I would love to make him believe that was true because then he could stop being upset that he wasn’t my first. But neither of us really believe that so...


Ouch! Your poor husband, tell him that there are other guys out there who feel for him. That's brutal. I hope some of the edge was taken off by him, at least, getting some with some other girl rather than sitting with his thumb up his ass while some other dude took his future-wife's virginity after he tried. That's an awful scar to carry for life.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Lance Mannion said:


> Ouch! Your poor husband, tell him that there are other guys out there who feel for him. That's brutal. I hope some of the edge was taken off by him, at least, getting some with some other girl rather than sitting with his thumb up his ass while some other dude took his future-wife's virginity after he tried. That's an awful scar to carry for life.


Really? Because he didn’t get to go all the way at 14 years old he is scarred for life for not being the first of the woman he married when he was 38? He had plenty of women. Learn how to read.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Bluesclues said:


> Really? Because he didn’t get to go all the way at 14 years old he is scarred for life for not being the first of the woman he married when he was 38? He had plenty of women. Learn how to read.


 Then why is he upset?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This thread had been dead for 6 months. Why would you reply to it, and then not even to the OP? Weird.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Livvie said:


> This thread had been dead for 6 months. Why would you reply to it, and then not even to the OP? Weird.


I figured that threads which are not locked by moderators are still open for discussion. I didn't have anything worthwhile to add to the OP, others had already written what I would have written. I wrote my comment because I found her husband's plight interesting.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If anything enters your vagina, you know it. I don't know what made you get started on this, but it's not true. The most sensitive part of your vagina is right at the opening, so there's no way you wouldn't know it. I've never once had a guy suggest just the tip. I mean why would they? You're either going to have sex with them or you're not and you'll get just as pregnant from the tip as you will any other way.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lance Mannion said:


> Ouch! Your poor husband, tell him that there are other guys out there who feel for him. That's brutal. I hope some of the edge was taken off by him, at least, getting some with some other girl rather than sitting with his thumb up his ass while some other dude took his future-wife's virginity after he tried. That's an awful scar to carry for life.


That hit a spot with me too.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bluesclues said:


> Really? Because he didn’t get to go all the way at 14 years old he is scarred for life for not being the first of the woman he married when he was 38? He had plenty of women. Learn how to read.


You wrote the post in a certain way that indicated he wanted/needed to believe he was your first.

In the context of not getting seriously together with you until midlife, I can't understand his turmoil. Maybe you were just making light of it.

I wouldn't be bothered either way. It sounded like a different situation.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> You wrote the post in a certain way that indicated he wanted/needed to believe he was your first.
> 
> In the context of not getting seriously together with you until midlife, I can't understand his turmoil. Maybe you were just making light of it.
> 
> I wouldn't be bothered either way. It sounded like a different situation.


I think that people's minds work in a certain way and in the context of romantic relationships, "their story" begins when the romance begins and so when a long period of separation follows and they find each other again 20 years later, the adult romance doesn't begin a new relationship, it's really a continuation of the original romance from a person's youth. That's why these facebook HS romantic reignitions play out as they do. In this case, I'm guessing here, he probably really wanted to take her virginity back in the day, was upset, held onto that, and now in their adult relationship that past is still part of "Their Story", it's not a new and fresh relationship.

OK, to bring this back on topic. He put the tip in and wasn't satisfied and still carries his dissatisfaction to this day, especially since some other guy got to go the whole way with "his girl." She stops being his girl once she leaves him but that only works if there's no going back to each other. That way she's a girl from his past, he doesn't care about the virginity issue.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I don't know any woman wouldn't know that a penis was inside of her, unless the penis is very tiny or she is high on something.


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