# Had a good four days straight, then BAM, back to a low again! ARGH!



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

I was feeling really positive and generally great! I'm focusing on my needs right now, continuing MC, IC, and women's support group and was feeling confident and optimistic about my life. I'm not focusing on where my marriage will be 6 months from now, but rather on how to clear the air of our issues, maybe renew our friendship, and see where we go from there, whether it be continued marriage or divorce. He is 100% committed to working on our relationship as well. 

Here comes the BAM...

Pick my kids up from daycare, drive home, starting to feel down in the dumps for one reason or another, pull into the driveway, and here come the waterworks. Not sure if it was the reminder of having all the responsibility of everything on my shoulders for the afternoon/evening. Laundry, cleaning, dishes, getting dinner ready, having dinner with the kids by myself, bath time, story time, bedtime, then cleaning up after dinner, making bottles for the baby for daycare tomorrow, grading papers (which is what I am getting distracted from doing now), and just feeling low. Then tomorrow morning, getting up at 4:45am, getting myself ready, getting their breakfast ready, getting them up at 5:30, having breakfast with them by myself, getting them packed up in the car at 6:15am by myself and off to daycare, then work and starting all over again. 

I think it's the overwhelming sadness that I am going to be doing this alone indefinitely. I love my kids, and I love the time I have with them, but it's lonely to do it all alone. I felt alone during my marriage, but this is REALLY alone. Husband comes over 2-3 nights a week to have dinner with us and to do bedtime routine with them and has started to take them every other weekend (which is also so sad), but I am so overwhelmed, exhausted, and sad right now. 

Oh well. I'm sure I'll wake up at a high point again tomorrow.


----------



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I heard some one on the radio talk show today reminding me that the future is just that, the future. All we really can do is stay in the moment. You have healthy kids, a job, a safe place to live. Try to stay positive, even when you are tired, remind yourself that you have much to be thankful for. This is only being said because I have the same kind of days as you, never know when it is going to hit. And trying to be grateful for the moment is all I have. My marriage of 28 years appears to be ending soon. I have all of that to be grateful for, along with 2 great young men who call me Mom, a nice home, family and friends and a job I love. I miss the man who promised to love me for better or worse and I worry about him all the time. But I just stood outside and looked up at the sky and reminded myself that I don't know what tomorrow will be so I need to be grateful for right now. Hope you slept well


----------



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

To add to this low point, my two boys, who I had sleep in my bed tonight (rare), now have some type of food poisoning and have been up since 1:30 am vomiting. I've gone through 3 changes of sheets, 2 sets of new pillows, and 3 pajama changes. I think H is going to have to come over after work today and let me sleep.


----------

