# He keeps asking to be friends after divorce...yah right



## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

Hope this post finds some if not all of you in good health today.
If you want a good laugh keep reading.

Today is a good day for me as compared to the past few weeks.
I got a question for the community and it goes a little like this.

You're getting a divorce and the only way of conversations yourh your soon to be EX is by email address (you will not give him your number). Those emails are few, far and in between. And those emails only talk about the divorce process the usual crap...which is a good thing! You really don't want anything to do with your EX even by email BUT, you're being civil to help get it over with.

Now you're sick of the emails and your EX is starting to tell you things about how no loves him unless he has money ect,. You're rolling your eyes while you're reading this crap! 

So you tell him, LOOK I've found someone that you will be spending the rest of your life with. And you only want to talk about the divorce and that's it. Still he thinks he can cry on your shoulder out of habit so he keeps emailing you about everything except the divorce. Finally you have to be a little hard and tell him that you don't want him or love him. two months later he tells you that he has found someone and is going to get married! You couldn't be more happy that he will be out of your life completely.

Papers are filed (OH I FORGOT TO SAY THAT I TOLD HIM TO DIVORCE ME!!!) long story not worth talking about. Everything looks good with the papers. He keeps saying over and over again, that he wants to be friends after it's all over... you never respond to that because you don't want to lead him on. So the only thing you respond to in the paper work is that you received the divorce papers.

He keeps emailing you but you don't respond. He keeps saying that nothing goes right in his life, you still don't respond. Finally your friend calls him and he leaves a message politily saying to stop emailing you! He states that you are busy with the coordinating your wedding plans for after the divorce. that you are busy trying to get the Ranch house additions. That you have a certain amount of time to respond with the divorce papers.

He responds in a email that he wasn't trying to bug anybody and agrees to stop! THANK GOD! Forgot to state that your EX is in a totally different state and you already know that he is not asking for anything. That the two of you don't have property, kids or bills together or share taxes, hell you don't even have his last name. 

You find out that one of your friends read on his site on his Facebook page that had gotten married. You tell your friend thank you but don't call you with anything else about him! 

You wonder why you didn't get final divorce decree papers!
You call the county clerks office where he lives only to find out that the divorce isn't final yet. The next day oddly enough or call it great timing you get in the mail papers from him that a hearing for a divorce decree by default is going to be held. You say to yourself...whatever! You say to yourself, "I'm not going all the way there for something he already stated in the orginal paper work that it was going to be a clean break (I'm just paraphrasing)! 

Now my question to you is that is ther anything that I should be concerned about? Like him changing anything in the orginal divorce papers. Like asking me for allimony? I hope I didn't screw myself!!!
Okay community I have thick skin so give it to me FOR REAL OKAY!

Thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would never, ever just sign divorce papers and mail them to my stbx and trust he does not change them. You are taking a risk.

This is a guy who is not divorced yet but is already re-married? He's a biggamist.

I wonder if his new wife knows that their marriage is not legal.


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## Bitter+Sweet (May 19, 2012)

One of the 1st things to go in a problem marriage is trust. I don't know the whole story but I tend to think that he may not be very trustworthy as far as the proceedings go..especially if he is saying he is already married. You might want to do whatever it takes to make absolutely sure that everything is the way it is suppose to be.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I would think you would need to sign the papers in front of someone to make them legal. Notorized. So then if they were changed he would get in trouble. But as for being married already that sounds messed up.

Good luck,


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Friends after the divorce? I have one thing to say about that:

HA!!! I don't think so...


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

Oh, you better know I got it notorized!


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

FRIENDS FOR WHAT...I don't even think so! I like your style.


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> I would think you would need to sign the papers in front of someone to make them legal. Notorized. So then if they were changed he would get in trouble. But as for being married already that sounds messed up.
> 
> Good luck,


To be honest I think he just posted that to get a reply from me. It ain't going to happen! I signed the paper that asked if I received the papers at my bank and had it notorized! He had the divorce papers mailed. In his state they can do that.


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I would never, ever just sign divorce papers and mail them to my stbx and trust he does not change them. You are taking a risk.
> 
> This is a guy who is not divorced yet but is already re-married? He's a biggamist.
> 
> I wonder if his new wife knows that their marriage is not legal.


Thanks for the advice but I'm not that stupid! I got it notorzied and made copies! Like what you had to say!


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> I would think you would need to sign the papers in front of someone to make them legal. Notorized. So then if they were changed he would get in trouble. But as for being married already that sounds messed up.
> 
> Good luck,


He is just posting that so that he can get a rise out of me! I hope he's not that stupid, but stupid is as stupid does! thanks for responding!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

saying you'll be friends is something you say because it seems like the right thing to say

it ain't ever gonna happen - I'm not friends with any of my exes and I won't be with this one either

peace out


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I would never, ever just sign divorce papers and mail them to my stbx and trust he does not change them. You are taking a risk.
> 
> This is a guy who is not divorced yet but is already re-married? He's a biggamist.
> 
> I wonder if his new wife knows that their marriage is not legal.


You know, as long as the paper that I signed and had notorized stating that I did receive the divorce papers is in the clerks office, I'm good! I made copies of the registered delivery slip along with the copy of registered slip for the time and date I picked up the divorce papers. I made a copy of when sent back the notorized with tracking number. That also sent back a copy of that as evidence.


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> saying you'll be friends is something you say because it seems like the right thing to say
> 
> it ain't ever gonna happen - I'm not friends with any of my exes and I won't be with this one either
> 
> peace out


I don't care what he wants not my problem he's hers...LOL!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

You can be friends after a breakup or divorce, but there are some stipulations. 

Without getting into technical detail, you have to find them respectable and attractive enough to want to get close to them. In order for this to happen you have to have been gone for long enough to get over the emotional trauma and let each other heal.... it could take years after betrayal. 

I wouldn't recommend it while your ex is enjoying their affair of for a year or two after divorce. You're just going to end up either guilt tripping or fighting over your differences, and all that complaining is never attractive. You can keep in touch but very very seldom, like a call on their birthday, but distance yourself from being their shoulder to cry on or addiction sponsor. 

At some point you're going to meet again... over child visitations or bumping into them on the street, usually when you don't want them ever again. At this point you're basically running through the whole attraction cycle again but freezing at a level of comfort that doesn't go beyond friends. If you're mature enough you can at least be friendly but I know many still want to hold onto hurt feelings. It's only going to hurt so long as you choose to let it hurt and want to keep hurting.

There's still a lot of trust to earned and proving both of you will have to do, but it's not all that difficult. You just keep your emotional distance at first and treat them the way you would treat a relative you're meeting for the first time. The real question is, can you trust them to not attempt to seduce you and can you be trusted.


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> You can be friends after a breakup or divorce, but there are some stipulations.
> 
> Without getting into technical detail, you have to find them respectable and attractive enough to want to get close to them. In order for this to happen you have to have been gone for long enough to get over the emotional trauma and let each other heal.... it could take years after betrayal.
> 
> ...


I like what you had to say and how you said it! I'd like to share something with you if I may.

"God sometimes will allow certain people into our lives who were meant to be there for only a season. Their purpose can be to enrich or teach us a life lesson; but they are NOT meant to STAY but to MOVE ON! The problems come in when we confuse seasonal people as the person who is meant to be with you. Emotions flare and when that seasonal person begins to feel trapped and wants out, we get all twisted inside and wonder WHY!

I made that mistake (I was the seasonal person) by giving him the benefit of the doubt! When I know deep down inside that THIS WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE...big mistake on my part! Well as you can figure out it didn't work...LOL! 

Be that as-it-may, a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations is a friend. What I forgot to include was that he wants to be "Good Friends" No thank you! Without going into the history, I'll just say this. "Some doors when closed are best left closed!" Have you ever look back on your life at someone and asked yourself, "Oh my God...what the hell was I thinking? I must had been lonely as HELL to hook up with him!" If you have then...Welcome to my world! Thanks and have a great Summer!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

That's true, some people are destined to come into our lives fro just a short while and then depart. Spiritualists refer to this as the "great circle" where sooner or later you're destined to meet friends, family, and lovers you've met in a past life long forgotten. They say you'll know when you meet someone new you feel like you've known before or find that someone hates you for no apparent reason.

The interesting part of this philosophy is that you will meet hundreds of past life lovers who may or may not be what you're looking for in this life. Some who are soul mates that are here to nurture you while others may just be a test of your good will here and meant to move on. Perhaps you're spouse feels they have met that person and already had an affair. It's possible they may have met someone already known, and they themselves are are being tested. It doesn't matter! 

You have more people you're destined to meet and spend at least part of your life with. YES, it is possible your wayward spouse may be who you were destined to be with now and the OP may be just a friend of theirs, or enemy of yours. What matters most is not making decision out of resentment or anger, but divinity and treating everyone how you treat yourself. 

Your spouse may one day come back having learned from their selfish and egotistical ways. It's on that day you need to consider if the anger you feel over betrayal is more satisfactory than the soothing relief of forgiveness. If so then you're ready to open your heart to the same vulnerabilities as they and actually live free from masochistic grief.


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## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> That's true, some people are destined to come into our lives fro just a short while and then depart. Spiritualists refer to this as the "great circle" where sooner or later you're destined to meet friends, family, and lovers you've met in a past life long forgotten. They say you'll know when you meet someone new you feel like you've known before or find that someone hates you for no apparent reason.
> 
> The interesting part of this philosophy is that you will meet hundreds of past life lovers who may or may not be what you're looking for in this life. Some who are soul mates that are here to nurture you while others may just be a test of your good will here and meant to move on. Perhaps you're spouse feels they have met that person and already had an affair. It's possible they may have met someone already known, and they themselves are are being tested. It doesn't matter!
> 
> ...


Hello again. I hope this day finds you well. I find it interesting that you've chosen to use this sentence to explain what you think I may be feeling. 

"It's on that day you need to consider if the anger you feel over betrayal is more satisfactory than the soothing relief of forgiveness."

Interesting, but unfounded.

I'm neither angry nor do I feel betrayed. I must say in your defence that my forward thinking, outward and earthy opinions have mislead a few people into drawing the same conclusion as yourself (as far as my confictions. Like others, this I will give you and forgive as well. I will not defend nor deny the actions of EX's life...life AFTER seperation. Whatever he feels, thinks, assumes, or even tries to characterizes even rationalize as "Okay" is something that he must stand in judgement for on that great day. 

The burden of proof is on him to convince God-almighty, that he's worthy of a reprieve. Or better yet, try to get God, to change his mind. Not-with-standing, so do we all encluding myself. Okay, I'm rambling! My point is this, I can forgive just about anything with the help of the Lord. But sometimes like Joel Osteen once said, "when God closes doors He sees and knows better then ourselves, just what is for us!" Not to say that God condoms divorce. In my case and I can only speak for myself, if it is in His well for me to be a becan of light or friend to this man, then so be it. But I know that it wouldn't be easy at first but since, God has instructed my spirit to do so...then I well! Bottom line is I'm not angry, just feeling free! Nsweet, you have a bless day. Thanks for responding once again.


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