# Percentage of couples who are sexually happy\satisfied?



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

So between here and other places around the net, you see many people who are complaining about their sex lives for some reason or another. What would you guess would be the percentage of couples who are indeed BOTH sexually happy?

My guess would be around 40%

What does everyone else think?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I think guessing is pointless.

If you and your wife are happy sexually, good for the both of you.

If you and or your wife aren't happy sexually. Then I hope one or both of you do something about it, either together and or with others.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I think there is very likely a disproportionate number of wives who think their coupled sex life is “fine” vs. what the man actually thinks but doesn’t have the guts to do anything about it.


----------



## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I'm sure most couples go through good times and bad times with sex - just like with everything else. So I don't think it's so easy to label a couple as being "happy" or "satisfied" or not. Maybe happy with some things and not others? Of course there are people who are just completely unsatisfied or totally satisfied over a long period but i think for most, it's not so simple. Kind of like asking if you're satisfied with your job or your career.

in my relationship we have sex only once or twice per month and i could have sex every day. So unfortunately mine is very clear.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

JustTheWife said:


> in my relationship we have sex only once or twice per month and i could have sex every day.


I would have no hesitation in choosing to have sex with other people, in the face of that kind of frequency.


----------



## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Personal said:


> I would have no hesitation in choosing to have sex with other people, in the face of that kind of frequency.


I entered my marriage with the intent to not have sex with other people. My life has not always been easy so I know that you sometimes need to "do what you have to do" and deal with the cards you are dealt.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

JustTheWife said:


> in my relationship we have sex only once or twice per month and i could have sex every day. So unfortunately mine is very clear.


?????

Aren't you two young?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So between here and other places around the net, you see many people who are complaining about their sex lives for some reason or another. What would you guess would be the percentage of couples who are indeed BOTH sexually happy?
> 
> My guess would be around 40%
> 
> What does everyone else think?


Its completely impossible to say, its usually only those with issues who we hear about. If I had to guess I would say about 50-60%


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> I think there is very likely a disproportionate number of wives who think their coupled sex life is “fine” vs. what the man actually thinks but doesn’t have the guts to do anything about it.


I am sure there are many husbands in that position as well. Thinking they are leaving their wives satisfied when they arent?


----------



## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> ?????
> 
> Aren't you two young?


Is this a serious post? Or just meant to insult me? Unless you really think that young couples can't have these problems I can only see it as an insult.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

JustTheWife said:


> Is this a serious post? Or just meant to insult me? Unless you really think that young couples can't have these problems I can only see it as an insult.


Pull your claws in. Jesus H Christ!

You look for offense and are edgy as hell.

That was me being sympathetic to your situation and trying to sympathize with you and possibly trying to get an understanding about your situation.

So suggesting you go out and get ****ed by randos isn't insulting but asking about your relative age compared to your frequency is?

You're coming off as fake as a $2 knockoff.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

JustTheWife said:


> I'm sure most couples go through good times and bad times with sex - just like with everything else. So I don't think it's so easy to label a couple as being "happy" or "satisfied" or not. Maybe happy with some things and not others? Of course there are people who are just completely unsatisfied or totally satisfied over a long period but i think for most, it's not so simple. Kind of like asking if you're satisfied with your job or your career.
> 
> in my relationship we have sex only once or twice per month and i could have sex every day. So unfortunately mine is very clear.


Not to get into the weeds or thread jack too much; what have you ascertained to be the reason for the infrequent sex, in a one sentence summary?

I only ask for a one sentence response as I often reduce problems to one sentence descriptions so a more effective solution presents itself more clearly.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'd think maybe 30 yes 40 say ahh, it's ok, and 30% say unhappy. Although the unhappy may be a lot more.

And in a ltr, over many years the pendulum swings, is normal.


----------



## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I think people who talk about sex on the internet are the ones who are probably unhappy. So the numbers may seem most people are unhappy. I think the majority of people are happy with their sex lives and dont have time to type about it on message boards.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So between here and other places around the net, you see many people who are complaining about their sex lives for some reason or another. What would you guess would be the percentage of couples who are indeed BOTH sexually happy?
> 
> My guess would be around 40%
> 
> What does everyone else think?


Could do a TAM poll and get a read on people that talk on relationship and marriage forums.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

JustTheWife said:


> I entered my marriage with the intent to not have sex with other people. My life has not always been easy so I know that you sometimes need to "do what you have to do" and deal with the cards you are dealt.


Yep, Cheating isnt the answer is it.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

JustTheWife said:


> I entered my marriage with the intent *to not have sex* with other people. My life has not always been easy so I know that you sometimes need to "do what you have to do" and deal with the cards you are dealt.


I on the other hand entered my marriage with the intent *to have sex* with my spouse. If you don't like the hand you are dealt, change the game.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I know some always say "find it elsewhere" but is it really THAT easy? I mean I know you could easily find someone for a one-nighter but would a long term sex-only relationship be possible\interesting\rewarding? Could you really have a sex-only relationship for years?

Seems like the risk (divorce is expensive!) outweighs the benefit...at least in my opinion.

Hence going back to my original question about being happy sex-wise. If 90% of the folks said they were and you weren't, than I would think anyone should go for better sex no matter what. But being I think the "unhappy" outweigh the "happy" I think finding someone on the side to be sexually happy with would be difficult. Maybe thats why you see some really rich guys just pay professionals and get exposed in the news for it?

Unless of course, you found someone then left your current spouse and married\got into a full time relationship with the new person. Seems complicated!


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Could do a TAM poll and get a read on people that talk on relationship and marriage forums.


Interesting...never done one of those.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

This is an interesting question, and I've long been interested in this and the statistics on happiness in marriage itself (not just sex). Depending on the study, where it was done, the sample parameters and size, and the motivation for the study (some may be biased due to marketing a product), the results range from 17% happy to over 60% happy. In general, I'd guess about half are happy with their sex life. Here's what I found with a quick search:

From a 2010 survey (AARP):








Sex Survey on Sexual Relationships & Aging, Single & Married Sex Life,...


See how your own love life stacks up with other older men and women 50+ as this article discusses survey stats on sexual activity, single vs. married, cheating on partners and more at AARP.




www.aarp.org





The survey found that only _43 percent of older Americans (45+) say they're satisfied with their sex lives_ (down from 51 percent in 2004), while the percentage who are dissatisfied with their sex lives increased.

_Single 45+ Americans who are dating have more sex (and better love lives all-round) than their married counterparts. _They win for sheer frequency; _48 percent of singles with regular partners have sex at least once a week, compared to only 36 percent of married folks_. It's no surprise that 60 percent say they're satisfied with their sex lives, compared to 52 percent of their hitched peers (and just 19 percent of the single-but-not-dating crowd).

From Psychology Today:








Which Couples Are the Most Sexually Satisfied?


Never-marrieds living apart from their partner have greater sexual satisfaction.




www.psychologytoday.com





The first potential bonus to marriage, sexual happiness, was explored in a follow-up study by Kislev, who counted seven groups (from largest to smallest):

1. Married, cohabiting
2. Single, never married
3. Cohabiting, not married
4. Divorced/separated, single
5. Never married, living apart from a new partner
6. Divorced/separated, cohabiting with a new partner
7. Divorced/separated, living apart from a new partner

In terms of the frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction, it mattered which group you were in. Single individuals without a partner, whether never married or divorced/separated, had the fewest sex partners and the lowest sexual satisfaction scores. _Those who had the most sex were those who have a new partner, whether the two (or more) are cohabiting or living apart. These were also the same individuals who had the highest levels of sexual satisfaction._

Turning to the more general concept of life satisfaction, singles once again had the lowest level, and those who reported the highest life satisfaction were those cohabiting with a partner, whether once married or not.

Kislev concluded, “The findings indicate that _marriage per se is not beneficial for sexual satisfaction. Married couples score relatively low in this regard_… Therefore, it seems that it is not marriage that is beneficial to sexual satisfaction, but rather having a partner.” And if having lots of sex is important, then having a new partner is helpful—whether the couple is living together or apart.

Most are happy with their sex life; over a third are not (small sample size, IMO):








More than a third of Americans in relationships are sexually unsatisfied


Over a third of Americans in a relationship are not satisfied with their sex life, according to a new study. The study of 1,000 American relationships saw 34 percent of people unable to rate their …




nypost.com





Over a third of Americans in a relationship are _not_ satisfied with their sex life, according to a new study.

The study of 1,000 American relationships saw 34 percent of people unable to rate their sex life as either “satisfying” or “very satisfying.”

One in six (16 percent) say their current spouse or partner rarely or never satisfy them sexually.

Women were twice as likely as men to describe their sex life as “boring” (12 percent vs. 5 percent), while interestingly, men were far more likely to describe their sex life as “erotic” than women (33 percent vs. 18 percent).

On the other hand (take with a grain of salt - he's selling a book, after all ):




__





Why are so many people unhappy in their relationship?


Why are so many people unhappy in their relationship?




www.wevorce.com





According to Dana Adam Shapiro’s research for his book, You Can Be Right (or You Can Be Married), _very few married people are happy — he says about 17 percent_. What derails their marriage? A lack of communication, dishonesty, and adultery are among the top problems, he notes.

One poll finds that about six in ten of us are unhappily coupled, four out of ten say they have considered leaving their partner and one in ten don’t even trust their partner anymore.


----------



## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I feel like there’s probably a high percentage of happy horny couples in the first two years. 90%. After that, it probably falls a few points every year thereafter ending up with an average of about 50% of still satisfied couples.

And that’s just the ones that get along in other ways.

Throw in some pooping too many times with the door open and arguments about taking out the trash or why she insists on wearing a beat up flannel robe and calling her mother 10 times a day and that percentage most likely falls into the 20-30% range. If that. 

But I’m just guessing here.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> This is an interesting question, and I've long been interested in this and the statistics on happiness in marriage itself (not just sex). Depending on the study, where it was done, the sample parameters and size, and the motivation for the study (some may be biased due to marketing a product), the results range from 17% happy to over 60% happy. In general, I'd guess about half are happy with their sex life. Here's what I found with a quick search:
> 
> From a 2010 survey (AARP):
> 
> ...


Good info...thank Married!


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I am sure there are many husbands in that position as well. Thinking they are leaving their wives satisfied when they arent?


Good one ! Probably very true !


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> I on the other hand entered my marriage with the intent *to have sex* with my spouse. If you don't like the hand you are dealt, change the game.


Some people áctually love their spouse and believe that the vows we make are important, so dont want to end a marriage because they have sex less that they want to.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Some people believe in things that are clearly not true. For example the idea that their spouse loves them, or values their marriage vow. The ability to believe in things that are clearly untrue is not a virtue, it is not a strength, what it is is a sign of mental instability.
Now I actually said nothing about ending a marriage. I said nothing about breaking a vow (even one that only you are keeping) What I said was *Change the game*. That could mean divorce, that could mean therapy, that could mean increasing the love shown by you. What it does mean is that a change is clearly needed. 
Now you are running around the forum advocating that women say NO much more and for any reason. You are also advocating that men stay in unhappy relationships. You indicate that this is the christian way of marriage. Diana, That simply *is not *the christianity that I know. I do not seek misery and punishment. If a religion does not increase your happiness now in this life it is of no worth to its adherents.
This thread is about happiness in marriage. Not about long term misery. I've never seen you advocate for long term misery in any other way. Only in the avoidance of divorce at all cost. So why not concentrate your help in this thread on increasing the happiness of marriage by making healthy changes. 
Personally I'm about done with "stiff upper lip" and "holding on in quiet desperation".


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I think it may be hard to get a reliable answer since the answer in a relationship could vary depending on when the question is asked. My answer now would be entirely different from what I would have answered 5 years ago.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

So after seeing the new posts over the last few days, I might lower my percentage of those who are sexually happy. Seems like no one really is. Well at least the ones we hear from. I wonder how man are sexually happy but don't tell anyone? World may never know.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I remember a long time ago Dr. Phil said something like, when the sex in a relationship is GOOD, the partners say sex is only 20% of their happiness. But when the sex in a relationship is BAD, the partners say it's 80% of their unhappiness...or something like that. I'm paraphrasing, obviously, but I think the premise is pretty accurate.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> I remember a long time ago Dr. Phil said something like, when the sex in a relationship is GOOD, the partners say sex is only 20% of their happiness. But when the sex in a relationship is BAD, the partners say it's 80% of their unhappiness...or something like that. I'm paraphrasing, obviously, but I think the premise is pretty accurate.


I believe that.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Some people áctually love their spouse and believe that the vows we make are important, so dont want to end a marriage because they have sex less that they want to.


Some people actually wrote sexual fulfillment “clearly” into their vows. My wife and I did, together, nearly 23 years ago. I won’t share the exact phrase, but I’m fairly sure everyone knew what we meant (including my grandmother, lol).

Many people take the traditional “to have and to hold” to refer to affection and sex.

I’ve not wanted to end my marriage, just because I’ve had sex way less than I’ve wanted to. (It’s been just a few time a year, for 9 of the last dozen years; zero for the other three). Even though she has reneged on that promise she made, and been avoidant of working towards a solution. But, it’s been the case that the love has died, and I’m free to see what a waste living like this is. Divorce seems like the only acceptable option to me.

If one wants to talk about vows, one should consider the possibility the vows included something about affection and sexuality.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So after seeing the new posts over the last few days, I might lower my percentage of those who are sexually happy. Seems like no one really is.


At 24 years into my current sexual relationship I'm happy, and as best as I can tell my wife is happy as well.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

27 years in and I'm happy and as far as I can tell so if my spouse.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Well at least TWO people here are happy. Thats good.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

PieceOfSky said:


> Some people actually wrote sexual fulfillment “clearly” into their vows. My wife and I did, together, nearly 23 years ago. I won’t share the exact phrase, but I’m fairly sure everyone knew what we meant (including my grandmother, lol).
> 
> Many people take the traditional “to have and to hold” to refer to affection and sex.
> 
> ...


But ultimately, writing vows that promised sexual fulfillment didn't do a thing to prevent your sexual frustration, nor her willful ignorance to it...WHY include it, if it means nothing...??

I think the key might be never to get married again!!! Lol!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Honestly we are both pretty easy going and as far as I am concerned if my husband is happy with our sex life then so am I ,and I am sure its the same for him.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> I remember a long time ago Dr. Phil said something like, when the sex in a relationship is GOOD, the partners say sex is only 20% of their happiness. But when the sex in a relationship is BAD, the partners say it's 80% of their unhappiness...or something like that. I'm paraphrasing, obviously, but I think the premise is pretty accurate.


You could also say it the other way round, that if the marriage is otherwise very happy, then the fact that the sex life may not be totally what one or both wants is less important than if the marriage is otherwise unhappy.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> But ultimately, writing vows that promised sexual fulfillment didn't do a thing to prevent your sexual frustration, nor her willful ignorance to it...WHY include it, if it means nothing...??
> 
> I think the key might be never to get married again!!! Lol!


I think there is at least some potential value in forming a shared vision of what the would-be marriage will be, and stating it publicly to people/deities/institutions you both respect.

But, yeah, it provides no guarantees. People change and/or lie to themselves and/or the other. Eventually, if things fall short of the plan, one or both parties takes action to dissolve the marriage, or dies in misery, one day at a time. Might have been better to writing contingencies for various scenarios, but that probably would’ve snuffed out any potential for success.

Assuming I make it to being single again, its possible I’ll be biased against another marriage. I have no idea. Hard to imagine me having such bias, optimist that I am, but it could happen.

In my fantasy world, marriage licenses would have to be renewed every so often, down at the DMV (Department of Marriage Vows). Let the license lapse, and it’s over.


----------



## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

This post needs a Venn diagram to show the overlapping area where both the husband and the wife are satisfied.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I'd say its about like this. I bet many spouses think their partner is equally happy as they are but they are incorrect.


----------

