# Lack of sexlife with wife.



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Me and my wife have been married for 9 years. We have two kids and a horrible sex life. Im assuming about 10 to 15 times a year . What the norm with other married couples with kids and full time working parent who.work opposite schedules.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

It doesn't matter what the norm is. What matters is that you are unhappy with your current sex life and it doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable. 

When my wife worked nights (nurse, with overtime and we have kids), we found time to have sex more than once a month. 

If someone wants to have sex, they will find the time and energy.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Working opposite shifts, how often much time do you spend together? Has your sex life always been this way?


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

bobert said:


> Working opposite shifts, how often much time do you spend together? Has your sex life always been this way?


She works 7 to 3. I work 3 to 11. It's always been bad from day 1


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> She works 7 to 3. I work 3 to 11. * It's always been bad from day 1*


Why did you marry someone who was so sexually incompatible with you and your needs?


----------



## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> She works 7 to 3. I work 3 to 11. It's always been bad from day 1


I'm afraid to say it but it sounds like a compatibility issue. There might not be much you can do about it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dinanpower said:


> She works 7 to 3. I work 3 to 11. It's always been bad from day 1


If you really care about this issue, you will do what's necessary to change this.

This is on you as much as anyone.

I have always gotten laid like tile but I would be starving with a ridiculous schedule like this.

You are just existing and it can't be put on her.

Alter your life to have more time with your wife.

Don't give any money excuses. Excuses are for chronic complainers and they just gripe and never get results and take up space.

What are YOU willing to do to change this ridiculous schedule?


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> Why did you marry someone who was so sexually incompatible with you and your needs?


When we first started dating we had sex on the reg. She then started to say she wanted to wait for marriage and how she wanted to become celibate. I went along with it but I wasnt really happy. We had two slip ups and had two kids. I thought when we got married it would be better but it wasnt .


Benbutton said:


> I'm afraid to say it but it sounds like a compatibility issue. There might not be much you can do about it.


I starting to think so also. I'm into her but I dont think she is to me or just to sex in general. She says she never valued sex a big part of a relationship or marriage


ConanHub said:


> If you really care about this issue, you will do what's necessary to change this.
> 
> This is on you as much as anyone.
> 
> ...


Your right . I got do something . Because the distance may have caused this. In the beginning of our relationship we used to see each other for a least 2 hours every night


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You had two kids _before_ marriage and she still used the "waiting until marriage" excuse? Dude...


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Did she get pregnant on purpose/"accidentally" slip up? 

The chance of having sex only twice and getting pregnant both times is pretty slim, unless she was tracking her cycles and whatnot. Even then it's only a 25% chance each month.


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

bobert said:


> You had two kids _before_ marriage and she still used the "waiting until marriage" excuse? Dude...


Yeah It was ********.. we still had sex before marriage after


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> When we first started dating we had sex on the reg. *She then started to say she wanted to wait for marriage and how she wanted to become celibate.* I went along with it but I wasnt really happy. We had two slip ups and had two kids. *I thought when we got married it would be better but it wasnt .*
> I starting to think so also. *I'm into her but I dont think she is to me or just to sex in general.*
> Your right . I got do something . Because the distance may have caused this. In the beginning of our relationship we used to see each other for a least 2 hours every night


The parts I've bolded are indicators that this is something you most likely are NOT going to be able to change. This might just be the woman you married. And the fact that you went along with it even though you weren't happy about it probably gave her the belief that you were ok with making sexual compromises for her, and that you accepted her disinterest in sex.

The distance didn't cause this, she has basically been like this from the beginning, as you said. I don't think that changing your work schedules is going to solve anything...she will probably have another excuse.

Does she know you want things to change, and that you want more sex...have you discussed it recently?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Shut down sex before the wedding = 🪦


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This is a glimpse of how the rest or your relationship years go. 

Your way unders what some couples call a healthy frequency.


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

bobert said:


> Did she get pregnant on purpose/"accidentally" slip up?
> 
> The chance of having sex only twice and getting pregnant both times is pretty slim, unless she was tracking her cycles and whatnot. Even then it's only a 25% chance each month.


She didnt want kids before marriage .. she wanted to go to medical school.first then have kids


LisaDiane said:


> The parts I've bolded are indicators that this is something you most likely are NOT going to be able to change. This might just be the woman you married. And the fact that you went along with it even though you weren't happy about it probably gave her the belief that you were ok with making sexual compromises for her, and that you accepted her disinterest in sex.
> 
> The distance didn't cause this, she has basically been like this from the beginning, as you said. I don't think that changing your work schedules is going to solve anything...she will probably have another excuse.
> 
> Does she know you want things to change, and that you want more sex...have you discussed it recently?


We discussed it . She said she will.work on try to.do it more .


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> She didnt want kids before marriage .. she wanted to go to medical school.first then have kids
> We discussed it . She said she will.work on try to.do it more .


But I dont really see any changes so far


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> She works 7 to 3. I work 3 to 11. It's always been bad from day 1


Any chance you can get on the same schedule? Working those shifts means you are barely ever together except to sleep. It sounds like she may just not have much interest in sex, but for sure your schedule isn't helping the situation.


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Any chance you can get on the same schedule? Working those shifts means you are barely ever together except to sleep. It sounds like she may just not have much interest in sex, but for sure your schedule isn't helping the situation.


It's my job. I work at a hospital that is very short staffed and im.forced to work later shift because of low seniority . The only option really would be to look.for another job with mid shifts


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> It's my job. I work at a hospital that is very short staffed and im.forced to work later shift because of low seniority . The only option really would be to look.for another job with mid shifts


With my first husband, there was a 3-4 month period when he was working 12+ hours a day for 5 straight days a week (and sometimes 6)...and we ended up only being able to have sex when he would get home at 11pm and wake me up.
And I loved that!!! Because I WANTED to have sex with him!

So yes, your work schedules are a deterrent for sure...but when two people WANT to have sex, they find a way. They don't make excuses.

Also, do you guys have any days off together during the week? There should be at least one day a week that you are together, why can't you plan on having sex on that day every week? Once a week is much better than once every month or two, and scheduling it will give you both something to look forward to all week long.

Now if SHE doesn't look forward to it, or doesn't want to commit to that, you have a much bigger issue to address with her.


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> With my first husband, there was a 3-4 month period when he was working 12+ hours a day for 5 straight days a week (and sometimes 6)...and we ended up only being able to have sex when he would get home at 11pm and wake me up.
> And I loved that!!! Because I WANTED to have sex with him!
> 
> So yes, your work schedules are a deterrent for sure...but when two people WANT to have sex, they find a way. They don't make excuses.
> ...


She is always complaining how tired she is and this and that. So she goes to sleep before I get home . I work every other weekend. So we have have only weekends together and we do have sex then sometimes


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Who slipped up and caused the pregnancies? You or her?


----------



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Who slipped up and caused the pregnancies? You or her?


First time I didnt pull out . I was crazy drunk. Second time mustve from pre cum cause I did pull out


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

You’ve heard of condoms?

I suppose if any silver lining can be found in your experience. It is that your experience is a valuable lesson, in what happens when one ignores the warnings and makes foolish choices.


----------



## Ladyrare (Aug 30, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> Me and my wife have been married for 9 years. We have two kids and a horrible sex life. Im assuming about 10 to 15 times a year . What the norm with other married couples with kids and full time working parent who.work opposite schedules.


You two need to have a sincere and a heart-to-heart conversation, and when that time comes you have to be brutally honest. Right now you are frustrated and all you want to do is spill your heart out, so stop yourself right there. 

No good ever comes out of having a conversation fueled by anger. Facing a lack of intimacy is a sensitive topic and should always be dealt with the utmost care. Anger has a way of ruining most things, and don’t let it ruin your marriage. Only have this conversation when you are in a calm space of mind.


----------

