# how to bring it up?



## unhappy wife

i posted the other day about how porn was effecting me, the story made short was i found some dvd's in my husbands bag and a few weeks later i clicked the history of his computer and saw that he visits porn sites everyday. im so upset, i dont want to be close or even think about having sex with him anymore. have been really down the last few days, he does nt know that i know about th porn, but i really need to talk about it with him. its killing me inside, and if he wont give it up i think ill have to leave, or feel this way forever.
my question is how can i bring it up so i can talk about it? i dont want to let it out when im fighting with him. please help xx


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## preso

throw out the porn... that will speak volumes.


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## chouston

You are very smart not to bring this up while fighting.
I went through this same thing a couple years ago with my husband. It took him a year, and took me a lot of patience, for him to finally shake the habit.
Here are some suggestions:
Print the history from the computer and put it somewhere your husband will find it. Then he will know it is out in the open. If he doesn't bring it up to you after that then you may have to bring it up. Tell him how you are feeling, use words like hurt, insecure, afraid, angry, sad or whatever suits how you feel. Then tell him you will be by his side to help him fight this. Let him know you forgive him but that it cannot continue. If he agrees to try to stop let him know that it must be "cold turkey", not just "cutting back". However, if you do find out he been watching it again definately mention it but make sure to do it in a supportive way, remembering that addictions are like an illness, and that it doesn't mean that he is a bad person.


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## Blanca

when i brought it up with my H i told him i had to talk to him about something serious. then i told him that i found it. at first he acted like he had no idea what i was talking about, but i told him that it was ok, that i knew all about it now so he didnt have to pretend anymore. i also told him that i dont judge him, didnt think he was a bad person, but that we needed to talk about it. 

and then after that i dont think i stopped talking about it for years...or yelling about it in any case. 

i hope it goes well for you. just remember these kinds of conversations arent meant to go well. they arent scripted and your emotions will blind-side you even though you want to control them. just let 'em out! they're going to come out eventually anyway. the sooner you feel you've expressed yourself, the sooner you can start healing.


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## ozymandias

You've posted to the addiction forum. Do you consider your husbands viewing to be an addiction? If so, why?


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## mea_3

Then talk to him about it. Why wait? If he's using porn and it's affecting your sex life then that can be an issue. If it's not affecting your sex life.. then by all means let it be.


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