# I think I know the truth but she won't say



## Sixstringtuned (Aug 30, 2017)

Married 21 years , deeply in love with her but sick of the BS . I need to go back a few years to give some history. Wife started working in a local bar, one night I decided to visit and she was sitting with some guy deep in conversation ( obviously not working ) she got home at closing time just like when she was working , I blew it off thinking everyone needs a night off , a week later I went back to see her and she was leaving with a guy letting him drive our car . Confronted her and she said I got off early and went to some customers house with some others to party . I was upset for a few days but our kids were young and I understood the need to get away once in awhile . She soon quit that job and got another at a golf country club , she really started bonding with these coworkers especially the bartender / manager her boss , this guy actually hit on her in front of me , she blew it off saying he was kidding and was really a nice guy . Long story short , pretty soon she's coming home at 5-6 am drunk saying they had to setup for tomorrow before they could leave and drinking was allowed , found out she was also going back to this guys house to drink but she says never alone . Started to momitor this more closely and noticed she was talking to this guy for over an hour sometimes during the day 2-4 times a week , I confronted her with this and she said his mom was dying and he needed someone to talk to but would stop , well she didn't stop , she changed his name to a woman's to try and fool me because apparently I'm that stupid . Confronted her again and she apoligized for lying to me and said it would never happen again ( I happen to be one of those people that value trust as a deal breaker but she seemed so sincere ) took awhile to get back to somewhat normal but in the back of my mind there was a lingering doubt about her ability to be honest . The next job for her was a landscaping company , same thing , bonding with her coworkers to much for my liking , I mean I worked at the same place for 20 years with plenty of female coworkers and am well liked and respected but I'm not hanging at the bar or going back to their house to drink . I would feel as though I was crossing the line somehow . So I go out of state to visit my brother for a few days and when I return and she gets home she rushes in apologizing and saying nothing happen , I'm confused but say nothing . She tells me one of her male coworkers got drunk at my house and she let him spend the night (10 years her jr and good looking ) all the other workers were able to drive home just not him ( radars up again ) she's great at making me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion , or I'm being unreasonably jealous . Says he slept in the basement . So another strained summer between us , I'm contemplating divorce or revenge it's driving me crazy but eventually calms down . Last summer she was to attend a destination wedding for a friend with two other girls , last minute she says some weird guy ( grooms friend ) wants to ride along and am I ok with that ( cause I'm insanely jealous remember ) they get back and the pictures are mostly of them drinking or hungover with this guy always there even found some selfies of her and the weird guy that she failed to share ( man this is getting old ) and this continues thru the summer , everytime she's out this guy seems to be ther , acoulple times she didn't come home at all . One time he brought her home at 4 am drunk on her ass and she texted him thanks for taking care of my drunk rambling ass .. she has texted him a lot throughout the summer , I started calling him her boyfriend which really pisses her off . Also found group text to her ( posse ) saying I was a whiny boy and just didn't want her to have any fun . To this day she gets mad if I don't want to go out with this group because I'm just not comfortable . Last xmas eve I was on Facebook and came across the first guy in this story and his profile picture was him and my wife arm in arm like a couple. Needless to say I was furious , she contacted him and asked him to remove it but continued to tell what a nice guy he is ( WTF ) he disrespected your husband and your marraige ! That is not a nice guy . Been trying to work this out and move on but she will not acknowledge any wrong doing except for the one lie , she also goes on a girls weekend to a winter festival every year which consists off ... you guessed it getting drunk with random guys even so far as partying back at the motel room , all innocent fun she says , she's the good girl out of all her friends she says , some of these married friends have cheated on their husbands or came close . Found a picture of her and another girl posing with three random guys and one is grabbing her friends crotch , just innocent fun I guess . I wanna say I'm not a bad guy , lots of friends , fun to be around I'm actually a great guy , very loyal hardworking good lob blah blah blah , and I get hit on too , I've had girls wanting to take me home . I'm just not built that way , maybe I should go with the flow but I know in my heart it wouldn't make me happy . How do I get over her transgressions and move on ?


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Well you know what your gut is telling you. You know she is cheating. She is doing it in such a way to make you feel like the bad guy. She clearly is addicted to attention from other men. I wouldn't stay. I would give her one chance. I would tell her she needs to take a poly and come clean about everything and get counceling for her attention issue or she can pack. I wouldn't give a inch. If she flinched or even argued the poly I would walk away and not entertain anything more she says. If you stick with her you know what your going to get. What kind of a life do you have now with her. You constantly worring about who she is with or what she is doing. Who she is doing. Your putting yourself at risk by touching her at this point. If she wont own her mistakes and get help then I would move on. 

There are better women out there. I know its really hard to believe when your in the thick of it but seriously there are. I was cheated on by three different women. The last one being a serial cheater for ten years. I can tell you I knew for sure I would never find a decent woman. I was wrong. I have been married for the last six years to a incredible woman. She has the same outlook I do. You can find someone that wont abuse you this way. 

Yes its abuse and it should be criminal.

C


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yes, you know the truth.

No, she’ll never admit to it, especially since that would be the death of her solo weekends away.

As for getting over it, about the only thing you can do is divorce and move on with your life without her.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

You D her cheating ass and find someone who will respect you, because your WW has absolutely no respect for you. Seriously, how do you look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you've ALLOWED your WW to make you a serial cuckhold. Your WW is a "party girl" and NOT wife material. Time to move on with the rest of your life.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sixstringtuned said:


> Married 21 years , deeply in love with her but sick of the BS . I need to go back a few years to give some history. Wife started working in a local bar, one night I decided to visit and she was sitting with some guy deep in conversation ( obviously not working ) she got home at closing time just like when she was working , I blew it off thinking everyone needs a night off , a week later I went back to see her and she was leaving with a guy letting him drive our car . Confronted her and she said I got off early and went to some customers house with some others to party . I was upset for a few days but our kids were young and I understood the need to get away once in awhile . She soon quit that job and got another at a golf country club , she really started bonding with these coworkers especially the bartender / manager her boss , this guy actually hit on her in front of me , she blew it off saying he was kidding and was really a nice guy . Long story short , pretty soon she's coming home at 5-6 am drunk saying they had to setup for tomorrow before they could leave and drinking was allowed , found out she was also going back to this guys house to drink but she says never alone . Started to momitor this more closely and noticed she was talking to this guy for over an hour sometimes during the day 2-4 times a week , I confronted her with this and she said his mom was dying and he needed someone to talk to but would stop , well she didn't stop , she changed his name to a woman's to try and fool me because apparently I'm that stupid . Confronted her again and she apoligized for lying to me and said it would never happen again ( I happen to be one of those people that value trust as a deal breaker but she seemed so sincere ) took awhile to get back to somewhat normal but in the back of my mind there was a lingering doubt about her ability to be honest . The next job for her was a landscaping company , same thing , bonding with her coworkers to much for my liking , I mean I worked at the same place for 20 years with plenty of female coworkers and am well liked and respected but I'm not hanging at the bar or going back to their house to drink . I would feel as though I was crossing the line somehow . So I go out of state to visit my brother for a few days and when I return and she gets home she rushes in apologizing and saying nothing happen , I'm confused but say nothing . She tells me one of her male coworkers got drunk at my house and she let him spend the night (10 years her jr and good looking ) all the other workers were able to drive home just not him ( radars up again ) she's great at making me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion , or I'm being unreasonably jealous . Says he slept in the basement . So another strained summer between us , I'm contemplating divorce or revenge it's driving me crazy but eventually calms down . Last summer she was to attend a destination wedding for a friend with two other girls , last minute she says some weird guy ( grooms friend ) wants to ride along and am I ok with that ( cause I'm insanely jealous remember ) they get back and the pictures are mostly of them drinking or hungover with this guy always there even found some selfies of her and the weird guy that she failed to share ( man this is getting old ) and this continues thru the summer , everytime she's out this guy seems to be ther , acoulple times she didn't come home at all . One time he brought her home at 4 am drunk on her ass and she texted him thanks for taking care of my drunk rambling ass .. she has texted him a lot throughout the summer , I started calling him her boyfriend which really pisses her off . Also found group text to her ( posse ) saying I was a whiny boy and just didn't want her to have any fun . To this day she gets mad if I don't want to go out with this group because I'm just not comfortable . Last xmas eve I was on Facebook and came across the first guy in this story and his profile picture was him and my wife arm in arm like a couple. Needless to say I was furious , she contacted him and asked him to remove it but continued to tell what a nice guy he is ( WTF ) he disrespected your husband and your marraige ! That is not a nice guy . Been trying to work this out and move on but she will not acknowledge any wrong doing except for the one lie , she also goes on a girls weekend to a winter festival every year which consists off ... you guessed it getting drunk with random guys even so far as partying back at the motel room , all innocent fun she says , she's the good girl out of all her friends she says , some of these married friends have cheated on their husbands or came close . Found a picture of her and another girl posing with three random guys and one is grabbing her friends crotch , just innocent fun I guess . I wanna say I'm not a bad guy , lots of friends , fun to be around I'm actually a great guy , very loyal hardworking good lob blah blah blah , and I get hit on too , I've had girls wanting to take me home . I'm just not built that way , maybe I should go with the flow but I know in my heart it wouldn't make me happy . How do I get over her transgressions and move on ?


She sounds pretty honest to me. I think you're being jealous, controlling, and overbearing. Wives are entitled to have some fun once in a while. Why are you so untrusting? You've never even caught her cheating?

I just don't get why people like you give your wives such a hard time about harmless partying.

Why don't you go with your wife to the parties? Are you a bore? Get out more, man. Sounds like you could really have a good time with these lovely ladies dancing and such. Maybe learn a waltz or learn to sing karaoke. Have fun!

Your wife sounds wonderful to me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

sorry, she's not wife material. even in the possibility she hasn't slept with any of them, her behavior is not wife material. at all.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Why do you believe you should stay with this woman? Get out. Today!


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

even if she's not cheating, is this how you want to live your life?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Read your own post and tell us how you would respond if someone else posted it.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Sixstringtuned said:


> How do I get over her transgressions and move on ?


I can't understand why you'd even want to stay in this endless cycle with a self-centered immature wife. She doesn't value you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

is she willing to take a polygraph to show she is telling the truth?


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

It seems like she is gone all the time and gone all the time with different guys. It doesn't look or sound good to me.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Good grief man, your wife is a career serial cheater. You just haven't made a good effort to find the smoking gun. If you would, it wouldn't take long I can assure you. But part of why you haven't caught her in the act, is your confounding willingness to accept her single lifestyle all these years. It's a hell of a lot easier to cheat on you without getting caught when she has no marital boundaries. All she has to do is leave after work or straight from your house and go party. Hardly any texts or phone calls necessary.

The chances of you reigning her in now, are slim. You've allowed it too long. She's not going to change.

My advice. Get tested for STD's, if you have children get them DNA tested, and divorce her. And don't make the same mistake in your next relationship.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

you can't believe a word she is saying.

She lies all the time and has party sex with all her friends.

You have an open marriage on one side.

File now.

Let her go live with her lovers.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

You said you’ve been married 21 years, I’m going to go out on a huge limb and say you were married at 18, which puts you both at a minimum of 39 – same age as me. I’ve been a bit of a party girl myself over the years, but I’d have to say at least over the last 7-8 it’s slowed WAY down. Your wife sounds like me in my early 20’s, not in my 30’s. I still like to let my hair down and have a good time occasionally, but I can’t tell you the last time I went to a bar or even stayed out past 11PM. I don’t think I can tell you the last time I was out past 9PM outside of when we were in Vegas earlier this month.

You’re married to a party girl who has zero desire to settle down. If she’s still doing this at 39/40 the path she’s headed down is not good. Take out any other men and do you really want to be married to a woman who wants to stay out all night getting wasted? There are plenty of women who like to have a few drinks here and there and have a good time that you wouldn’t have to treat like a 21 year old whose every move you have to watch.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> She sounds pretty honest to me. I think you're being jealous, controlling, and overbearing. Wives are entitled to have some fun once in a while. Why are you so untrusting? You've never even caught her cheating?
> 
> I just don't get why people like you give your wives such a hard time about harmless partying.
> 
> ...


Mods, we need a sarcasm emote.


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## Sixstringtuned (Aug 30, 2017)

She's 47 and I'm 53


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Sixstringtuned said:


> She's 47 and I'm 53


Sixstringtuned,

I'm sorry about some of the 2x4's you've gotten. Many posters, including me, don't like to sugarcoat. But let me try to tone it down a little.

I know a 21 year marriage is tough to give up on. I had to make that choice a few years ago. The reason we are so sure your wife has cheated is because most of us know how cheaters act. They have patterns. The more experienced posters here have not only dealt with those personally, but seen them occur on hundreds of threads. Your situation is not unique, but the pain of a divorce would be unique to you. I'm sorry if you had hoped for alternate opinions.

I still recommend divorce. But if you don't follow that advice, at least try setting reasonable marital boundaries for your wife. No more GNO's, accountability for her time away from you, no opposite sex friends, and complete transparency with all her devices. See if she is willing to accept that and abide by it. Tell her you know you can't control her, but you can control what you're willing to accept from her. And that you're just not willing to accept her single lifestyle any longer.

Then decide, based on what she does. At least you can know that you gave her a last chance to save her marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Sixstringtuned, We asked a group of randomly selected people if your wife could be trusted and they all said:-










Has she ever been faithful? Ever? Probably not. 

Might be worth having DNA tests on your children. Sorry, but it might be.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sixstringtuned said:


> Married 21 years , deeply in love with her but sick of the BS . I need to go back a few years to give some history. Wife started working in a local bar, one night I decided to visit and she was sitting with some guy deep in conversation ( obviously not working ) she got home at closing time just like when she was working , I blew it off thinking everyone needs a night off , a week later I went back to see her and she was leaving with a guy letting him drive our car . Confronted her and she said I got off early and went to some customers house with some others to party . I was upset for a few days but our kids were young and I understood the need to get away once in awhile . She soon quit that job and got another at a golf country club , she really started bonding with these coworkers especially the bartender / manager her boss , this guy actually hit on her in front of me , she blew it off saying he was kidding and was really a nice guy . Long story short , pretty soon she's coming home at 5-6 am drunk saying they had to setup for tomorrow before they could leave and drinking was allowed , found out she was also going back to this guys house to drink but she says never alone . Started to momitor this more closely and noticed she was talking to this guy for over an hour sometimes during the day 2-4 times a week , I confronted her with this and she said his mom was dying and he needed someone to talk to but would stop , well she didn't stop , she changed his name to a woman's to try and fool me because apparently I'm that stupid . Confronted her again and she apoligized for lying to me and said it would never happen again ( I happen to be one of those people that value trust as a deal breaker but she seemed so sincere ) took awhile to get back to somewhat normal but in the back of my mind there was a lingering doubt about her ability to be honest . The next job for her was a landscaping company , same thing , bonding with her coworkers to much for my liking , I mean I worked at the same place for 20 years with plenty of female coworkers and am well liked and respected but I'm not hanging at the bar or going back to their house to drink . I would feel as though I was crossing the line somehow . So I go out of state to visit my brother for a few days and when I return and she gets home she rushes in apologizing and saying nothing happen , I'm confused but say nothing . She tells me one of her male coworkers got drunk at my house and she let him spend the night (10 years her jr and good looking ) all the other workers were able to drive home just not him ( radars up again ) she's great at making me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion , or I'm being unreasonably jealous . Says he slept in the basement . So another strained summer between us , I'm contemplating divorce or revenge it's driving me crazy but eventually calms down . Last summer she was to attend a destination wedding for a friend with two other girls , last minute she says some weird guy ( grooms friend ) wants to ride along and am I ok with that ( cause I'm insanely jealous remember ) they get back and the pictures are mostly of them drinking or hungover with this guy always there even found some selfies of her and the weird guy that she failed to share ( man this is getting old ) and this continues thru the summer , everytime she's out this guy seems to be ther , acoulple times she didn't come home at all . One time he brought her home at 4 am drunk on her ass and she texted him thanks for taking care of my drunk rambling ass .. she has texted him a lot throughout the summer , I started calling him her boyfriend which really pisses her off . Also found group text to her ( posse ) saying I was a whiny boy and just didn't want her to have any fun . To this day she gets mad if I don't want to go out with this group because I'm just not comfortable . Last xmas eve I was on Facebook and came across the first guy in this story and his profile picture was him and my wife arm in arm like a couple. Needless to say I was furious , she contacted him and asked him to remove it but continued to tell what a nice guy he is ( WTF ) he disrespected your husband and your marraige ! That is not a nice guy . Been trying to work this out and move on but she will not acknowledge any wrong doing except for the one lie , she also goes on a girls weekend to a winter festival every year which consists off ... you guessed it getting drunk with random guys even so far as partying back at the motel room , all innocent fun she says , she's the good girl out of all her friends she says , some of these married friends have cheated on their husbands or came close . Found a picture of her and another girl posing with three random guys and one is grabbing her friends crotch , just innocent fun I guess . I wanna say I'm not a bad guy , lots of friends , fun to be around I'm actually a great guy , very loyal hardworking good lob blah blah blah , and I get hit on too , I've had girls wanting to take me home . I'm just not built that way , maybe I should go with the flow but I know in my heart it wouldn't make me happy . How do I get over her transgressions and move on ?


Sheeeeeeeeeeezus!!!:surprise:


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The other posters will tell you about her. I am going to talk about you for moment instead. 

Somehow for the past 21 years, your ego has protected itself from having to deal with the painful reality that your wife is a career adulteress. It has done this by making you buy off on her assurances and then you slink back into your safe room without lifting a finger to actually discover the truth. In essence, your ego has kept you from doing anything that might make you have to face the reality that the woman you love is a stone-cold party girl, cheater and lier. If you were to look for proof, you would find it, and then you would have to face that truth and feel that pain and then would have to deal with that reality. Your ego does not want to do that. 

So instead of facing that, your ego makes you say, "Oh OK, I'm glad you did not get it on with all those men you go home drunk with all the time," and then you don't do anything to actually find the truth so that you can continue living your happy, comfortable life of denial. 

If you want to keep living this comfortable life without having to deal with your wife's infidelity - just keep doing what you are doing. Buying her ridiculous stories is working well for you. 

If you want to face the truth and deal with the reality, this will be pretty easy but it will cause you pain and it will cause you to question everything you want to believe about your wife and your marriage. 

If you want the truth, the quickest and most effective way will be to hire a PI to follow her on one of her outings. 

By the end of the night you will have videos of her making out in the bar, going out in the parking lot, getting it on with some dude in the car in the parking lot or going to motel rooms or to some other guy's house. By sunrise, you will have proof of what you have known deep down all along. 

If you want to do the legwork yourself and find out first hand, you can hide a few voice activated recorders in her car and any other places she may be having secret conversations. 

That way you will hear her own words talking to her boyfriends, making arrangments for her hook ups and you will also hear her talking to her girlfriends about how big of a penis so-and-so had and how good this other dude was with his tongue and how this other guy was a total dud. 

Other things you can do is to search the house top to bottom and find her burner phone. She is probably so cocky that she doesn't even have it password protected because she knows you buy off on all her stories. You will probably find hundreds of txts from various dudes and will likely find many photos of their genitals and maybe even some pictures of her going down on them and such. 

You can also obtain an itemized phone bill of her regular phone and there will probably be lots of activity on that that she deletes off of her phone that will be listed on the statement. 

Hacking into her computer and installing secret keylogging programs will reveal a plethora of secret email accounts and social media accounts with graphic sexual dialogue with her various hook ups. 

The thing here is that it will not be hard to find this stuff and it will just take a little bit of common sense detective work. You have had your head in the sand and have been in such denial for so many years, she is likely not covering her tracks very deeply at all. For over 20 years all she has had to do is tell you that she did not do it and you have bought that story hook, line and sinker because you did not want to face the truth. 

All you have to do now to unveil the truth is to simply peel back a layer or two and the truth will smack you in the face.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You want me tell you that you are a fool?
You want me to clock you over the head and say you are a damn fool?

You want me to believe this story?

I am sorry.
....................................................................

No one can help you except an Undertaker.

Only he can pry open your dead-closed eyes.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

It's like you're trying to 'close the barn door' She's been gone for a long while. Zero boundaries from the beginning.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Why in the [email protected] have you put up with this?

And it sounds to me that you never allowed yourself to dig too deep for evidence into what she has done because you would find the proof that she is.....A SERIAL CHEATER!

EVERY ONE of these incidents you have described was probably an A of some sort IMO.

You said you recently yelled at your WW about POSOM#1's FB pic because he 'disrespected your H and M'.....but based on what you have posted, it doesn't sound like YOU have been respecting yourself and your M too much either.....

Sorry to swing a 2x4.....but WHY would you ever have tolerated even ONE of these instances?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, you're 53 & she's 47! Good grief, she's waaaay tooo old to be a party girl! She should be socking up for early retirement. This is not going to get any better for you. Wake up! You two have more years behind you than ahead of you to be playing this game. It's past high time to grow up!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you're the frog in the slowly boiling water. 

You wound up in the pot on a low simmer when she first started this and have gradually cooked through as the years have gone on and her behavior has continued. After 21 years, you're cooked well done, for sure.

In other words, it can be hard to see the dysfunction of living like this when you've been in it for so long. It's your normal.

It isn't a happy normal, though. You clearly have at least a small voice in your head telling you that you should be suspicious/hurt/fed up. 

At 47 your WW is far too old to be acting like a teenaged party girl. And the alcohol? Sounds like a big problem to me.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Dude.....Dude...

As gently as I can, look up gaslighting. That is how a cheater makes you think you are nuts by telling you that you are not seeing what you think you see. Look up doormat. That is who she wipes her dirty feet on when comes through the door. You really can't see what is being done to you. I have been married for 47 years and if my wife came home drunk with some other dude ONCE at 4:00 AM or didn't come home at all.... she would find herself surrounded on the lawn with her **** in plastic bags. And I have loved her like no other. But just as I would not cheat on her, I won't be made a fool of. I would rather die alone on the street than go through what you are going through. What in the hell do you have to see for you to take charge of your life? Get your balls out of the storage unit and raise hell!!! Women are attracted to courage. Be courageous. Women want a man they can respect. Show her you won't be disrespected. Women are drawn to a decisive man. Make a decision and stick to it. I'd have this woman served while she was at work so all her boyfriends could see it.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I don't understand what the OP is complaining about when since day one he decided he was OK with being a cuckold with his weak, spineless implicit acceptance of her behavior. His wife knew this, and that was a green light for her from the beginning. Now after all this time he is not O.K. with it? What gives?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just who in the hell does your W think she is fooling? No one! 

If you're even remotely thinking of giving her the benefit of the doubt, then you're giving her way too much!

Go see a lawyer and end this charade of a marriage!!*


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I literally wanted to jump the screen reading this. My advice to you is short. You need to Divorce Sir ASAP Like Years ago.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

1. File for divorce first thing tomorrow, and have her served at work where she will likely be cavorting with her lastest piece of meat.
2. Create new accounts and separate expenses.
3. Move out and leave a note on the kitchen table that says "I'm out." No more, no less.
4. Disappear forever unless you have kids.
5. Never speak to her again. Going dark will heal you much faster, and you will wonder a year from now why you didn't leave her years ago. Any words between you are wasted oxygen. Really.
6. Don't get into another relationship until you are ready to establish and enforce boundaries. Your story is the most radical example of enabling that I have read on TAM. And that is saying something.

Normally, I don't suggest the nuclear option, but this marriage is beyond hope. I am very sorry you have had to suffer for so many years, and I hope you learn to take control of your life.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Bless your heart.
I can't help but be sorry for you. You have no idea what it is like to be married. You have never known a loving faithful relationship.
Dude this is not the way people behave. Something you need to know is that there are certain professions that make a person non marriage worthy. Bartender is one and I know that from experience.

If you have kids you need to have them tested to see if you are their biological father.
You need to get yourself tested for STDs.

After my wife had our first child she went out after work with coworkers and I was not invited this time. She got home tipsy at 9 pm. I told her the next time this happened I would have her clothes ready for her on the front porch and the locks changed.
No more problems.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

You said that this is getting old. Yes it is and has been going on for way too long in your marriage. Your wife isn't acting married at all. The way to stop the way you are feeling is to stop it and get out of this marriage. Either it changes or you need to leave her and find someone who is going to respect you and actually be in a relationship with you and you alone.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> @Sixstringtuned, We asked a group of randomly selected people if your wife could be trusted and they all said:-
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I wouldn't waste money with DNA. If she is 47, the kids are probably pretty close to being adults.


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## Iselez (Aug 1, 2017)

She's definitely cheating, you deserve better!!

Enviado desde mi Nexus 6P mediante Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jus260 said:


> I wouldn't waste money with DNA. If she is 47, the kids are probably pretty close to being adults.


In this context the DNA checks serve different purposes.

1) Shame her.

2) Ensure that should one of them fall ill that their true DNA is known, important for some medical procedures, etc.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You've turned into a doormat whos rolled over so often you don't know anything else.

My bet is you'll continue just rolling over.

Gets old though doesn't it?

You are the big problem you deep down know but you refuse to do anything about it.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

The truth OP is that you have meant nothing to your WW other than the security of a steady paycheck and stable home life, when she wants that. You have allowed yourself to be a complete and total doormat for 20+ years now.

Don't you think you deserve better with the time you have left on this earth ?


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## scaredlion (Mar 4, 2017)

You are and have been too passive. You have allowed her to do as she pleases and accept it. You sit at home, even when she ask you to go out with her, because you don't want to be around the people she parties with. By sitting on you butt at home, you are basically giving her permission. Stop being so bloody passive. Put on your alpha male pants and get out with her. You have to tell yourself that anything she can do you can do better. At some time or other everyone needs a good dose of their own medicine and you are the only one that can give her that dose. I don't even know you and I get flustered thinking about you being passive, sitting at home and wondering what she is up to. Get out of the house and find out. If you don't have it in you to do this then you have two choices. You either let her keep doing as she's doing or you divorce her and find someone who wants to sit at home with you. No battle has ever been won by being passive. I do wish you well.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Sixstringtuned said:


> Married 21 years , deeply in love with her but sick of the BS . I need to go back a few years to give some history. Wife started working in a local bar, one night I decided to visit and she was sitting with some guy deep in conversation ( obviously not working ) she got home at closing time just like when she was working , I blew it off thinking everyone needs a night off , a week later I went back to see her and she was leaving with a guy letting him drive our car . Confronted her and she said I got off early and went to some customers house with some others to party . I was upset for a few days but our kids were young and I understood the need to get away once in awhile . She soon quit that job and got another at a golf country club , she really started bonding with these coworkers especially the bartender / manager her boss , this guy actually hit on her in front of me , she blew it off saying he was kidding and was really a nice guy . Long story short , pretty soon she's coming home at 5-6 am drunk saying they had to setup for tomorrow before they could leave and drinking was allowed , found out she was also going back to this guys house to drink but she says never alone . Started to momitor this more closely and noticed she was talking to this guy for over an hour sometimes during the day 2-4 times a week , I confronted her with this and she said his mom was dying and he needed someone to talk to but would stop , well she didn't stop , she changed his name to a woman's to try and fool me because apparently I'm that stupid . Confronted her again and she apoligized for lying to me and said it would never happen again ( I happen to be one of those people that value trust as a deal breaker but she seemed so sincere ) took awhile to get back to somewhat normal but in the back of my mind there was a lingering doubt about her ability to be honest . The next job for her was a landscaping company , same thing , bonding with her coworkers to much for my liking , I mean I worked at the same place for 20 years with plenty of female coworkers and am well liked and respected but I'm not hanging at the bar or going back to their house to drink . I would feel as though I was crossing the line somehow . So I go out of state to visit my brother for a few days and when I return and she gets home she rushes in apologizing and saying nothing happen , I'm confused but say nothing . She tells me one of her male coworkers got drunk at my house and she let him spend the night (10 years her jr and good looking ) all the other workers were able to drive home just not him ( radars up again ) she's great at making me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion , or I'm being unreasonably jealous . Says he slept in the basement . So another strained summer between us , I'm contemplating divorce or revenge it's driving me crazy but eventually calms down . Last summer she was to attend a destination wedding for a friend with two other girls , last minute she says some weird guy ( grooms friend ) wants to ride along and am I ok with that ( cause I'm insanely jealous remember ) they get back and the pictures are mostly of them drinking or hungover with this guy always there even found some selfies of her and the weird guy that she failed to share ( man this is getting old ) and this continues thru the summer , everytime she's out this guy seems to be ther , acoulple times she didn't come home at all . One time he brought her home at 4 am drunk on her ass and she texted him thanks for taking care of my drunk rambling ass .. she has texted him a lot throughout the summer , I started calling him her boyfriend which really pisses her off . Also found group text to her ( posse ) saying I was a whiny boy and just didn't want her to have any fun . To this day she gets mad if I don't want to go out with this group because I'm just not comfortable . Last xmas eve I was on Facebook and came across the first guy in this story and his profile picture was him and my wife arm in arm like a couple. Needless to say I was furious , she contacted him and asked him to remove it but continued to tell what a nice guy he is ( WTF ) he disrespected your husband and your marraige ! That is not a nice guy . Been trying to work this out and move on but she will not acknowledge any wrong doing except for the one lie , she also goes on a girls weekend to a winter festival every year which consists off ... you guessed it getting drunk with random guys even so far as partying back at the motel room , all innocent fun she says , she's the good girl out of all her friends she says , some of these married friends have cheated on their husbands or came close . Found a picture of her and another girl posing with three random guys and one is grabbing her friends crotch , just innocent fun I guess . I wanna say I'm not a bad guy , lots of friends , fun to be around I'm actually a great guy , very loyal hardworking good lob blah blah blah , and I get hit on too , I've had girls wanting to take me home . I'm just not built that way , maybe I should go with the flow but I know in my heart it wouldn't make me happy . How do I get over her transgressions and move on ?




In my world wives do not go out to party with other men, period. Not just my wife but every married woman that I know and I have a large circle of friends. Also their husbands do not go out for drinks, dinner , dancing or anything else with other women. 21 years is a lot of time to throw away but on the the other hand there is a lot to be said for peace of mind and you currently don't have any peace of mind. It sounds like you need definitive proof that she is cheating but in my mind it isn't the possibility of maybe/ probably that she is cheating. The bigger problem is that she knows that you are going to be angry and hurt if she goes out and parties (regardless of how innocent) with her so called friends and she obviously doesn't care how you are going to feel. As a husband it is your job to protect her and put her before anything else, step in front of a bullet if need be. It is also her life's mission to put you before all else. Hire a lawyer file for divorce irreconcilable differences. I have been married twice my my first wife was my first love and I could not imagine life without her and then one day or marriage was over. I survived and so will you.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Polygraph
Retain lawyer
File for divorce
Reason ADULTERY
Rid of yourself of her, 180
Divorce becomes final
Enjoy life again.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

David51 said:


> 21 years is a lot of time to throw away.


But she's always been this way. In fact she was hooking up with an old BF while she was getting her final fitting adjustments on her wedding dress. 

She's never been committed to the marriage and was never faithful to him throughout the 21 so IMHO the only thing that would be thrown away is a cheating drunk.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> But she's always been this way. In fact she was hooking up with an old BF while she was getting her final fitting adjustments on her wedding dress.
> 
> She's never been committed to the marriage and was never faithful to him throughout the 21 so IMHO the only thing that would be thrown away is a cheating drunk.


Indeed. *She's already thrown away the last 21 years.* *Why would you want to let her throw away the next 21?*


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

*I think I know the truth but she won't say*, what's left to say?

Jeeeeezzzz, bail out now before you auger in. Your marriage was over before it started. :scratchhead:

BTW, did you ever hear of this writing tool called paragraphs?:rules:


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Your marriage appears to be one long parade of red flags. More disrespectful than the next.
Polygraph is a must. Kids DNA is a must. Finding your balls is a must.
What are you getting out of this marriage but pain over your wife's behavior?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sixstringtuned said:


> Married 21 years , deeply in love with her but sick of the BS . I need to go back a few years to give some history. Wife started working in a local bar, one night I decided to visit and she was sitting with some guy deep in conversation ( obviously not working ) she got home at closing time just like when she was working , I blew it off thinking everyone needs a night off , a week later I went back to see her and she was leaving with a guy letting him drive our car . Confronted her and she said I got off early and went to some customers house with some others to party . I was upset for a few days but our kids were young and I understood the need to get away once in awhile . She soon quit that job and got another at a golf country club , she really started bonding with these coworkers especially the bartender / manager her boss , this guy actually hit on her in front of me , she blew it off saying he was kidding and was really a nice guy . Long story short , pretty soon she's coming home at 5-6 am drunk saying they had to setup for tomorrow before they could leave and drinking was allowed , found out she was also going back to this guys house to drink but she says never alone . Started to momitor this more closely and noticed she was talking to this guy for over an hour sometimes during the day 2-4 times a week , I confronted her with this and she said his mom was dying and he needed someone to talk to but would stop , well she didn't stop , she changed his name to a woman's to try and fool me because apparently I'm that stupid . Confronted her again and she apoligized for lying to me and said it would never happen again ( I happen to be one of those people that value trust as a deal breaker but she seemed so sincere ) took awhile to get back to somewhat normal but in the back of my mind there was a lingering doubt about her ability to be honest . The next job for her was a landscaping company , same thing , bonding with her coworkers to much for my liking , I mean I worked at the same place for 20 years with plenty of female coworkers and am well liked and respected but I'm not hanging at the bar or going back to their house to drink . I would feel as though I was crossing the line somehow . So I go out of state to visit my brother for a few days and when I return and she gets home she rushes in apologizing and saying nothing happen , I'm confused but say nothing . She tells me one of her male coworkers got drunk at my house and she let him spend the night (10 years her jr and good looking ) all the other workers were able to drive home just not him ( radars up again ) she's great at making me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion , or I'm being unreasonably jealous . Says he slept in the basement . So another strained summer between us , I'm contemplating divorce or revenge it's driving me crazy but eventually calms down . Last summer she was to attend a destination wedding for a friend with two other girls , last minute she says some weird guy ( grooms friend ) wants to ride along and am I ok with that ( cause I'm insanely jealous remember ) they get back and the pictures are mostly of them drinking or hungover with this guy always there even found some selfies of her and the weird guy that she failed to share ( man this is getting old ) and this continues thru the summer , everytime she's out this guy seems to be ther , acoulple times she didn't come home at all . One time he brought her home at 4 am drunk on her ass and she texted him thanks for taking care of my drunk rambling ass .. she has texted him a lot throughout the summer , I started calling him her boyfriend which really pisses her off . Also found group text to her ( posse ) saying I was a whiny boy and just didn't want her to have any fun . To this day she gets mad if I don't want to go out with this group because I'm just not comfortable . Last xmas eve I was on Facebook and came across the first guy in this story and his profile picture was him and my wife arm in arm like a couple. Needless to say I was furious , she contacted him and asked him to remove it but continued to tell what a nice guy he is ( WTF ) he disrespected your husband and your marraige ! That is not a nice guy . Been trying to work this out and move on but she will not acknowledge any wrong doing except for the one lie , she also goes on a girls weekend to a winter festival every year which consists off ... you guessed it getting drunk with random guys even so far as partying back at the motel room , all innocent fun she says , she's the good girl out of all her friends she says , some of these married friends have cheated on their husbands or came close . Found a picture of her and another girl posing with three random guys and one is grabbing her friends crotch , just innocent fun I guess . I wanna say I'm not a bad guy , lots of friends , fun to be around I'm actually a great guy , very loyal hardworking good lob blah blah blah , and I get hit on too , I've had girls wanting to take me home . I'm just not built that way , maybe I should go with the flow but I know in my heart it wouldn't make me happy . How do I get over her transgressions and move on ?


This is your doing. You have always backed down and "gotten over it".

Separate and file you have lost this battle by letting it continue over the years. You need something drastic to wake her up. 

Good luck. 

Yes she has been cheating the entire time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No confidence...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Looks like this is all just rhetoric because Sixstring must have left the building. 

Perhaps he wanted to hear that he was just imagining things and that everyone thought his loyal and faithful wife was just a victim of circumstance and that there were some things that simply appeared suspicious but really wasn't.


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