# I have come to hate my husbands kids



## preso

I don't know how to let it go.
It has really gotten worse in the last few months. I hate them so much My hands start to tremble and I shake all over in rage
when I even think about them.

I just can not like them and have no more understanding or patience for them. They are the most immature, spoiled jerks I have ever heard about or known... far worse.

I can't seem to find a way to mentally/ emotionally deal with them anymore. I have tried and tried and tried to be fair, talk to them, guide them, and every possible way to make this right.

Its not me, its them and I just can't do it anymore. My husband either.


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## Ladybug30

I am in a similar situation. I recently married, and my husband has twins. They are the most spoiled, disrespectful children ever. I get annoyed just being in their presence. I've taken to avoiding them whenever I can, and having minimal contact with them. I really don't speak with them, unless they speak to me first. Luckly they're only with up about 50% of the time. Just try not to argue with them, and let them get under your skin... stear clear of them whenever possible.


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## TNgirl232

I have a question - if you weren't prepared to accept your husbands as the packaged deals that they were (kids, ex's and all) - why did you marry them knowing that their kids/ex's would be involved and you weren't really 100% committed to having to deal with the fall out from that. I doesn't matter if your husband is tired of their immaturity as well - he's their father and has to deal with it based on that relationship which means it will get filtered down to you in some way - You put yourself in this situation by agreeing to the marriage and it sounds like you knew what your opinion of the kids was before you got married so why did you do it?

I personally would never have married someone who didn't accept and love my child as their own. I'm not going to choose someone over her - and whether you mean to or not that's the situation you are pushing your spouses into eventually. The kids will grow and mature - be it 10 years or 20 years from now - what then - after they know that you've loathed and hated them - do you think they will want to re-establish a loving relationship with their fathers knowing what has gone down in the past. I'm not trying to pass judgment - it won't do anything but make you defensive - after reading so many of Preso's posts I just honestly want to know why you got yourselves into this situation.


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## preso

TNgirl232 said:


> why did you marry them knowing that their kids/ex's would be involved and you weren't really 100% committed to having to deal with the fall out from that. .


You are making lots of assumptions based upon your beliefs and value systems and what you believe to be, which may not be many others peoples reality or situation.
Might just be too, that your expecations and beliefs not only do not reflect mine but many others peoples and your not able to understand based on your lifes experinces. For one, It was well known by H and I both his EX would NEVER be involved with us. 
Much more can be said but I think you get the picture.

Package deals are some peoples idea of marriage, we just dont have the same situation, kids or exs involved and did not marry to raise his kids ( I told his kids I had no intention to be their mother, but would welcome a friendship and they were glad about that as they told me they preffered it that way, that they did not want me or my husband to parent them as they said they will only listen to their mother, neither of us and ESPECCIALLY not be parented by me... I was ok with that too but I did not think they would turn that into being disrespectful to me and my Husband !!! neither did he !!!) 

and also my husband was never able to co-parent his kids ( not kids as they were older) after his divorce as his ex ( bitter, evil, greedy, unfair woman that she is) would not allow them to make plans with him or even be a father to them
by doing things like constantly telling them he was a worthless scumbag who didn't even pay child support and abandon them
and they should only go over to his house and get money from him. ask for expensive things... and if he loved them, he would.
it was an impossible siutation for him... so we did not marry with any package deals....
we married more despite them and even their many attempts to divide us. So, it may be hard for some to understand due to their personal lifes expeiernces as well as lots of other things...
but package deal is not a reality for many people, 
but I know people who believe thats how it works ( mostly single custodial mothers in the people I know)
and there is nothing wrong with that as we all have different 
lives and beliefs...
but package deal concept is not something that was in our marriage.... in other words, the package was an angry bitter ex wife who wanted full control over her kids and their lives, willing to do anything to get their father out of the picture and turn them against him, spoiled unreasonable kids
but he asked me to please LOOK AT HIM, and give him a chance.
I did and he is a pretty good husband ( not perfect, but far better than most)
and we also didn't realize how bad his kids would get under their mothers total control and the huge sense of entitlement they would grow into, or how much like their mother they were and eager to use, hurt and manipulate others for personal gain.
Guess I'm trying to say, their mother got what she wanted 
( by playing head games, lying and everything she could do) and created mindsets that "SHE" will now have to deal with. 
One more year (even less actually) and his kids will BOTH be adults. So then they will have to move on to play these games with the people they date because we sure aren't going to.
Hope that makes sense... I do not mean any offense or personal attacks to you in explaining myself... but your views on what marriage is and package deals are different than my husbands and I have, and we have them for our own reasons with kids that are pretty nasty to be around.
Package deals are more along the lines ( at least in my mind) for younger people who marry with small children and blended familes) 
Ours was never to become one as husbands ex did not want me or even their own father around the kids.
His ex was always trying to get her new boyfriends to act as a father figure, finally after 5 years she found someone, a man, but he has only agreed to move in, not marry her
I think maybe because he can't deal with those kids either? but not sure if thats the reason he won't marry her...
Package deal is more for younger people who have small kids or spouses who can be reasonable adults, things not present in OUR situation.


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## Jane Smith

Yea, thats a tough one!

My Husband has kids too. I have met the oldest daughter but not the younger son (8 & 5). The reason I have not met them is cos the mom is remarried and the new hubby is a control freak and wont let my hubby into the picture. But we are busy sorting that out legally so that we can see them. But needless to say I am very nervous about getting to know them. The daughter didnt like me very much when we met, but granted she was just shy and it was very brief. 

But I do agree that when I found out that he had kids he made it very clear to me that I need to accept it or take a hike. And I would never dream of coming between him and his kids. However, when it comes to parenting, he should take your side. Is that happening? Cos if not, he is making it very hard for the kids to respect you. Thats Key. Other than that, all I can say is take a ZEN approach. Accept, accept and then accept some more. I know its hard. But I think that in some time your hubby will see that you are making an effort and chat to the kids about giving you less of a hard time.

Good Luck!


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## 2goornot2

I have known my husband for 13 years, he has a son with his first wife who is 13. In the beginning we were friends (including his wife at the time) Then they went through a bitter divorce. I came into the picture when his son was 5. At that time things went okay, and then between age 5-7 his mother just dropped out of the picture, no phone calls, no contact whatsoever. I had never been around kids and didn't know how to raise them, especially a child that was not my own, but I did my best. During that time he became absolutely mean to me calling me terrible names, and making up stories to his father about me. In 2003 my husband and I married and in July of 2003 we had our first son. My stepson was 7 at the time. My stepson had some very bad behaviors going on like pooping in his room and then hiding it in closet,dresser etc. My son was at the crawling stage and putting things in his mouth, I became very concerned so I approached my husband about it and he told me to deal with it, I did the best I could, but was under so much stress. I flat out told my husband that him and his ex needed to seek help for him, but they both ignored me and said it was because I was a bad stepmom. This of course made me angry. My husband and I have now been married 6 years and together for 8, we have 3 beautiful children together. My stepson now lives with his mom in another state, my husband pays child support which I am ok with and have no problem. The problem I have is that my stepsons mother has threatened us to tell her son that his father never loved, or cared about him unless he pay her more money for child support. My stepson also has another sister on his moms side. She tells my stepson that he only has one sister which is her daughter and that my husbands and mine are not to be considered siblings. My husbands ex has also told me that the only child that matters is her son. He's 13 now and when he visits I get moody about him coming. We pay airline tickets for him to come visit us, but when he's here all he does is stay in his room with the door locked, come out to eat, make messes and not clean up after himself and when he does come out he tells my kids to shut up, which totally irritates me. My husband wants him when he can get him, but my husband is always working so he never spends time with him. It's gotten to the point that I am expected to tell him when to go to bed, when to get up etc along with taking care of my 3 ages 4, 5, and 6. I feel like I have been dumped on since the beginning. His 8th grade graduation is coming up next year and me and my kids are not welcome to go..I'm so angry that one minute it's expected that I take an interest in him like a parent, but at the same time to stay out of it because he is none of my business...As the years have went by they resentment towards him has been getting worse, not just my stepson, but also towards my husband and his ex...I don't know what to do anymore any suggestions???


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## roses4u

Take it easy, I kno how u feel, I am in a similar situation, trust me it never gets better, take heart, maybe when the child is older u will becom gud freinds or maybe he will be a gud brother and carer to his little siblings, but whatever happens rmbr u cant change everything to be how u want it to be, imagine u r in his position, he obviously wants both his parents to be together, he obviously misses his own nuclear family setting plus he is a teenage,r he has his hormones to deal with too, try be kind, understanding towards him, be helpful and kind and patient for yr own sanity, for yr own health being, goodnes brings rewards more than badness, actually u r lucky not to be in a far worser scenario- i have two step daughters, do u know how bad that is, they are *****y, they ***** about me to everybody and i mean everbody, the hardest part is that their father doesnt believe a word i say against them, they are angels as far as he can see, but i am a patient person,i have turned to Islam and I am finally at peace with myself,. i believe gud things comes to those who wait, so i'l kp my patience and try do gud ech day, untilofcourse i cant take any more than i'l walk, at the end of the day its my choice, u have little ones that need both parents, pls try to have a gud relationship wth the boy, if not for his sake then for his siblings and dad rmbr they are blood, at the end of the day blood is thicker than water,dont repeat the vicious circle of breaking families, be patient while there is hope, stay there for the sake of yr kids to have 2 parents becoz single parenting is a most difficult thing esp when kids are teenagers, both parents are very paramount, unless there is a danger or threat if not, stay and make it work , dnt expect miracles but trust me boys are better than gals, gud luck, stay positive, each problem, turn to prayerand u will find things easier, it helps al the best


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## healthybaby

Same here, but I dont hate him,yet, maybe.
He's 12 years old. He's spoiled,cowardly,addictied to games, dont like study, disrespectful.

One thing is :We have to keep our bedroom door open for him when we sleep at night. Any time if we are in the bedroom and our door is closed, He comes to open it without knocking or notice!!

He's overweighted and keeps eating junk food and other unhealthy food. For example, eats pizzas and icecream every day. Once I refused to buy him icecream and he never asks me again but asks my husband for it, and my husband just lets him.
When we eats out, we ordered water for him, he later asks the waitress to bring him a coke without asking us...

I told my H that it's not normal for him and we should help lead him to the right track instead of letting him be the way he wants. My husband somehow kinda ignore it.

I treat him well, I buy things for him--things he needs, I mean. I would take him out and take care of him if my husband does not have time. I always tell my husband how much I want to have a kid, not just because I love my h, but also I want to show him how to parent. While my husband does not want kids now because he doesnt think he's ready for another kid, which makes me say that I havent hated him/them yet, I will one day, if things not change.



Ladybug30 said:


> I am in a similar situation. I recently married, and my husband has twins. They are the most spoiled, disrespectful children ever. I get annoyed just being in their presence. I've taken to avoiding them whenever I can, and having minimal contact with them. I really don't speak with them, unless they speak to me first. Luckly they're only with up about 50% of the time. Just try not to argue with them, and let them get under your skin... stear clear of them whenever possible.


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## sisters359

Healthybaby, do you want a child FOR YOURSELF? Given your username, I'm assuming you do, but be sure. Bringing a child into the world for any other reason--to make someone else happy, to prove your love to them, to show them how to parent--would be unfair to the child. S/he needs to be wanted and loved just for him/herself.

Having said that, start enforcing your rules when your step-son is with you. It is not his fault that his dad won't set boundaries, but you can. Your step-son won't like it, but if you are loving in all ways and enforcing rules out of love, he'll appreciate it MUCH later. In the meantime, he might make you out to be an evil witch. Just remind yourself he's trying to get you to back off, but if you love him and want the best for him, you'll just say, "Yep, I'm the evil stepmother but unfortunately I love you and want the best for you, so no ice cream. You need to eat healthier food" or whatever it is. Do not take his (the child's) resistance or testing you personally--that is his JOB, so to speak. You are just an immovable force between him and getting what he wants; he will eventually love you for loving him enough to set boundaries and enforce them lovingly, when no one else did.

As for "showing your husband how to parent," it seems really clear that you two have very different parenting styles. This can become a huge source of marital conflict. Please consider this before having a baby, or at least be prepared to parent alone if you can't reach a good agreement. Remember that it is likely to be YOUR child eating ice cream and junk food whenever you aren't in charge, because that is how he parents and chances are very, very good that he is NOT going to change.


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## healthybaby

Sisters359, thank you very much for your advice! Yes, I really want a child for myself and be a proud parent, and I agree with you.

Actually I dont think our parenting styles are different, because every time when I talk about it with my H, he agrees with me. But most time my h just lets his son be that way. h feels guilty because of years away from his son due to he going to study in a different state, which he thinks is the main reason his son changes. And he does not want to "force to change him back". (His son used to be very fit, polite and respestful when he was there). It confuses me: H knows what's the good thing to do but he doesnt want to do it! I always told my h that he's 12 years old, he did nothing wrong because no one tells him what's wrong. If you dont correct him at this earlier age, wait until you think it's time, that's too late.



sisters359 said:


> Healthybaby, do you want a child FOR YOURSELF? Given your username, I'm assuming you do, but be sure. Bringing a child into the world for any other reason--to make someone else happy, to prove your love to them, to show them how to parent--would be unfair to the child. S/he needs to be wanted and loved just for him/herself.
> 
> Having said that, start enforcing your rules when your step-son is with you. It is not his fault that his dad won't set boundaries, but you can. Your step-son won't like it, but if you are loving in all ways and enforcing rules out of love, he'll appreciate it MUCH later. In the meantime, he might make you out to be an evil witch. Just remind yourself he's trying to get you to back off, but if you love him and want the best for him, you'll just say, "Yep, I'm the evil stepmother but unfortunately I love you and want the best for you, so no ice cream. You need to eat healthier food" or whatever it is. Do not take his (the child's) resistance or testing you personally--that is his JOB, so to speak. You are just an immovable force between him and getting what he wants; he will eventually love you for loving him enough to set boundaries and enforce them lovingly, when no one else did.
> 
> As for "showing your husband how to parent," it seems really clear that you two have very different parenting styles. This can become a huge source of marital conflict. Please consider this before having a baby, or at least be prepared to parent alone if you can't reach a good agreement. Remember that it is likely to be YOUR child eating ice cream and junk food whenever you aren't in charge, because that is how he parents and chances are very, very good that he is NOT going to change.


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## Mrs.G

TNgirl232 said:


> I have a question - if you weren't prepared to accept your husbands as the packaged deals that they were (kids, ex's and all) - why did you marry them knowing that their kids/ex's would be involved and you weren't really 100% committed to having to deal with the fall out from that. I doesn't matter if your husband is tired of their immaturity as well - he's their father and has to deal with it based on that relationship which means it will get filtered down to you in some way - You put yourself in this situation by agreeing to the marriage and it sounds like you knew what your opinion of the kids was before you got married so why did you do it?
> 
> I personally would never have married someone who didn't accept and love my child as their own. I'm not going to choose someone over her - and whether you mean to or not that's the situation you are pushing your spouses into eventually. The kids will grow and mature - be it 10 years or 20 years from now - what then - after they know that you've loathed and hated them - do you think they will want to re-establish a loving relationship with their fathers knowing what has gone down in the past. I'm not trying to pass judgment - it won't do anything but make you defensive - after reading so many of Preso's posts I just honestly want to know why you got yourselves into this situation.


I love when posters say that they are "not judging" when they clearly are! LOL LOL 
I do agree that marrying parent, if you hate the children makes no sense. I dated a man with a child and if I don't stay married, I will never date another father. Children do need to come first, but not to the detriment of the marriage. I left my ex boyfriend because I grew tired of his son disrupting what we were building. I had to spend many nights alone, because the son came first. I was alone that New Year's Eve because the son came first. I finally left with more wisdom about men with kids.
So a husband should wait 10-20 years for he and the wife to have a marriage? Sounds unrealistic to me. Adults need love and attention too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dadda11o

I don't know your situation from the way some of you are posting, but ask yourself this: if adults refuse or are incapable of changing to make their marriage work (hence divorce) why would you think that children, whether they are 5 or 15, are going to be capable of doing that much emotional work? Kids usually love their PARENTS. Even if it's only respect you are "looking" for, respect is something that can only be temporarily demanded by virtue of authority or office; past that, it has to be earned. There are times I don't like my own children, but it passes. I have an ex-stepmother who I didn't see for about 20 years; my father and she were divorced when I was in my teens. We reconnected and today, she is a great source of support and inspiration to me. Her good influences were a candle to me during dark times in my life even before I was able to re-establish a relationship with her. Was she perfect-heck, no. And I could be really immature and sure I was not the easiest kid to parent. Grow up, accept that you entered into this willingly and the kids had absolutely no say in it. The more you demand, the less likely you are to get (unless through fear). Be an example, encourage them, find out what they do like and incorporate activities and things they like into your time together. It'll help you bond with them if you make your time together more enjoyable and rewarding. I remarried my husband after being divorced; I felt like the step-mom at times; my kids would get mad at me and yell, "Why don't you just go back . . ." And worse. I just know it CAN be done, but YOU have to make the investment. You can ask their father for support, but don't necessarily expect to set up your own rules or expectations if they differ from his style. Remember, their mother might have tried that, and you know what happened to their marriage. Good luck, you can do it!


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## dadda11o

healthybaby said:


> Actually I dont think our parenting styles are different, because every time when I talk about it with my H, he agrees with me. But most time my h just lets his son be that way. h feels guilty because of years away from his son due to he going to study in a different state, which he thinks is the main reason his son changes. And he does not want to "force to change him back". (His son used to be very fit, polite and respestful when he was there). It confuses me: H knows what's the good thing to do but he doesnt want to do it! I always told my h that he's 12 years old, he did nothing wrong because no one tells him what's wrong. If you dont correct him at this earlier age, wait until you think it's time, that's too late.


You are very right when you mention the difficulties of waiting and waiting .... guilt is not a good reason for neglecting your child's development, especially if you KNOW what they "need". Kids will often rebel when you make changes, but if you follow through, are consistent and fair and have clear but few expectations, they'll come around. I had three rules for my children. You must get your homework done, you must do your chores and no physical/emotional fighting. If either daughter needed help, they could ask for it. If they broke the rules, they were basically grounded for the day. Tomorrow would be a new day. Since their father and I were divorced, and his parenting style was very relaxed in terms of them developing self-discipline, there were many tussles, especially when one of our daughters when through a very angry period, smashing things at my home, stealing things to give to her father as "evidence" against me and physically fighting with me. Today, she's a responsible young adult, working and going to college. She will stand up for her values, and doesn't get angry that often. Luckily, I was her parent, so it made it easier for me to take the bull by the horns and do what needed to be done. But if your husband won't, it'll be difficult for you to do it (I think). If the child HAD the foundation when he was young, it will be easier than if he was running wild from birth. But I can easily see this kid continuing down a path where, especially in a few years, he's doing all kinds of crazy or illegal things which will FORCE his father to take responsibility for his behavior. So much easier to do it now a step at a time...good luck with it; you sound caring and considerate AND aware!


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## finallyawake

For everyone out there who thinks that it's soooo easy to accept their spouses children...please let me remind you of something...remember when the relationship was new?...remember a time when you didn't have to worry about the welfare of the child/children...when it was just you and your mate planning your life together? Ah yes, meeting another persons child/children and thinking, "hey he or she isn't so bad, I could parent them", is MUCH different then ACTUALLY having to do it day in and day out...

I too thought that I could help raise two children that were not mine...but then comes the custody fights...here comes the extra expense because the other parent won't help with anything...and after all you do here comes the "you're not my mom" crap and "I dont have to listen to you"....really?

You start to resent them, you have no real control over anything, and everything you work for is for two little people who drive you crazy. It ruined my marriage - RUINED IT! 

So I don't care to raise other peoples childern....never again! I laugh when people say it's a "package deal" or "love them as their own"....do you know how crazy that sounds? Like I told my ex just the other day..."you know, I didn't get with you because you have two cute kids...I got with you because I loved you. To me they are not part of the deal." 

I have the right to feel that way, I have the right to expect time with my mate at the emd of the day, I have the right to bank my money instead of spending it on children that I did not create...you may say, then you have the right to not be with anyone who has kids...but then I say to you...I have the right to expect that an adult will take care of their responsiblities...and understand that I am NOT a sub for the bio parent...


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## tacoma

Amen!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd wife

I just registered today and it is to respond to this post.

When I married my second husband, I wanted the whole package and was willing to do as much as possible to foster a relationship with his young children (mine were grown). 

I did everything I could think of, including going with my husband and his ex-wife (and her husband at the time) to counseling appointments and school meetings. When the children were with us, I cooked special meals, I went shopping with them, I encouraged them to talk to me, if they wanted. 

10+ years later I can say this: THEY HATE ME. 

Do I hate them? No, but I don't *like* them. I don't respect them. I don't want them in my life. 

They and their mother have made my life a living hell. 

And it makes me feel like crap. 

If I could, I would write a letter to any woman considering being a step mother. I would warn her. Be prepared, I'd say... because it might be the most fulfilling experience you'll ever have - or the worst mistake you ever make. 

It has nearly ruined my marriage and that's a true tragedy because my husband is a wonderful man. He never could stand up to his ex or his children, though. I didn't know that until long after I married him.


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## specwar

As in any situration there are a lot of variables which are left out. In general however there are decisions that have to be made. 

Can or will I continue to live in this environment if I can't change it. You and your spouse have to discuss this and then you make a decision based on their responses. They are not easy decisions. They are always hard but once you have made them you can let go of your hate. 

Always set the example. If you are always on the kids to be responsible then be responsible yourself and reinforce through life lessons that theme. Some of the respondants are right. Though they may or may not show you they are actually paying attention. And when they get older they will remember what your example is. 

Above all else be true to yourself. Never allow yourself to get nasty and sink into an imature argument. Be the calm ascertive type even if you were not before.


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## Versaillon

finallyawake said:


> For everyone out there who thinks that it's soooo easy to accept their spouses children...please let me remind you of something...remember when the relationship was new?...remember a time when you didn't have to worry about the welfare of the child/children...when it was just you and your mate planning your life together? Ah yes, meeting another persons child/children and thinking, "hey he or she isn't so bad, I could parent them", is MUCH different then ACTUALLY having to do it day in and day out...
> 
> I too thought that I could help raise two children that were not mine...but then comes the custody fights...here comes the extra expense because the other parent won't help with anything...and after all you do here comes the "you're not my mom" crap and "I dont have to listen to you"....really?
> 
> You start to resent them, you have no real control over anything, and everything you work for is for two little people who drive you crazy. It ruined my marriage - RUINED IT!
> 
> So I don't care to raise other peoples childern....never again! I laugh when people say it's a "package deal" or "love them as their own"....do you know how crazy that sounds? Like I told my ex just the other day..."you know, I didn't get with you because you have two cute kids...I got with you because I loved you. To me they are not part of the deal."
> 
> I have the right to feel that way, I have the right to expect time with my mate at the emd of the day, I have the right to bank my money instead of spending it on children that I did not create...you may say, then you have the right to not be with anyone who has kids...but then I say to you...I have the right to expect that an adult will take care of their responsiblities...and understand that I am NOT a sub for the bio parent...


God, couldn't have said it better myself. If I knew then, what I know now... I'd never have married my husband. Would have run a million miles in the other direction but.. we don't control who we fall in love with.


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## DesperateHouseWife

finallyawake said:


> For everyone out there who thinks that it's soooo easy to accept their spouses children...please let me remind you of something...remember when the relationship was new?...remember a time when you didn't have to worry about the welfare of the child/children...when it was just you and your mate planning your life together? Ah yes, meeting another persons child/children and thinking, "hey he or she isn't so bad, I could parent them", is MUCH different then ACTUALLY having to do it day in and day out...
> 
> I too thought that I could help raise two children that were not mine...but then comes the custody fights...here comes the extra expense because the other parent won't help with anything...and after all you do here comes the "you're not my mom" crap and "I dont have to listen to you"....really?
> 
> You start to resent them, you have no real control over anything, and everything you work for is for two little people who drive you crazy. It ruined my marriage - RUINED IT!
> 
> So I don't care to raise other peoples childern....never again! I laugh when people say it's a "package deal" or "love them as their own"....do you know how crazy that sounds? Like I told my ex just the other day..."you know, I didn't get with you because you have two cute kids...I got with you because I loved you. To me they are not part of the deal."
> 
> I have the right to feel that way, I have the right to expect time with my mate at the emd of the day, I have the right to bank my money instead of spending it on children that I did not create...you may say, then you have the right to not be with anyone who has kids...but then I say to you...I have the right to expect that an adult will take care of their responsiblities...and understand that I am NOT a sub for the bio parent...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## tacoma

imhereforadvice,

You speak as if "love" is something that can be turned on and off like flipping a switch.

How do you do that?


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## CandieGirl

I married my husband, not his kids or ex wife. The reverse is also true for him. We come first, kids come second. That way, when they're grown and gone, and bollixing up their own lives, we will still have each other.

For the record, I really WANTED to love my H's kids...but it didn't happen that way. I've raised 3 boys of my own, and thought I knew what to expect from 2 teen boys, but these 2 were nothing like mine in any way. They were whiny, demanding, selfish, and rude.

Am I going to stop loving my husband because his kids are brats? Nope. They live full time with their Mom across the country it's her problem.


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## 2nd wife

CandieGirl said:


> For the record, I really WANTED to love my H's kids...but it didn't happen that way.


This is my reality, too... and it disappoints and hurts me more than I can possibly convey.  

I am a very nurturing person and I did everything I could think of to reach out, to show love and compassion. I always understood they were children and that they didn't ask for their parents divorce. I understood and tried to be patient. 

In the end, none of it matters. My husband's children are adults now and could care less whether I live or die.


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## Jellybeans

Stop spamming
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe

2goornot2 said:


> I have known my husband for 13 years, he has a son with his first wife who is 13. In the beginning we were friends (including his wife at the time) Then they went through a bitter divorce. I came into the picture when his son was 5. At that time things went okay, and then between age 5-7 his mother just dropped out of the picture, no phone calls, no contact whatsoever. I had never been around kids and didn't know how to raise them, especially a child that was not my own, but I did my best. During that time he became absolutely mean to me calling me terrible names, and making up stories to his father about me. In 2003 my husband and I married and in July of 2003 we had our first son. My stepson was 7 at the time. My stepson had some very bad behaviors going on like pooping in his room and then hiding it in closet,dresser etc. My son was at the crawling stage and putting things in his mouth, I became very concerned so I approached my husband about it and he told me to deal with it, I did the best I could, but was under so much stress. I flat out told my husband that him and his ex needed to seek help for him, but they both ignored me and said it was because I was a bad stepmom. This of course made me angry. My husband and I have now been married 6 years and together for 8, we have 3 beautiful children together. My stepson now lives with his mom in another state, my husband pays child support which I am ok with and have no problem. The problem I have is that my stepsons mother has threatened us to tell her son that his father never loved, or cared about him unless he pay her more money for child support. My stepson also has another sister on his moms side. She tells my stepson that he only has one sister which is her daughter and that my husbands and mine are not to be considered siblings. My husbands ex has also told me that the only child that matters is her son. He's 13 now and when he visits I get moody about him coming. We pay airline tickets for him to come visit us, but when he's here all he does is stay in his room with the door locked, come out to eat, make messes and not clean up after himself and when he does come out he tells my kids to shut up, which totally irritates me. My husband wants him when he can get him, but my husband is always working so he never spends time with him. It's gotten to the point that I am expected to tell him when to go to bed, when to get up etc along with taking care of my 3 ages 4, 5, and 6. I feel like I have been dumped on since the beginning. His 8th grade graduation is coming up next year and me and my kids are not welcome to go..I'm so angry that one minute it's expected that I take an interest in him like a parent, but at the same time to stay out of it because he is none of my business...As the years have went by they resentment towards him has been getting worse, not just my stepson, but also towards my husband and his ex...I don't know what to do anymore any suggestions???


That poop issue at that milestone is a big sign of autism or sensory issues. They should have listened to you to at least rule out issues (spec ed mom here, 2 out of 5 kids are on the spectrum, 1 of 5 is sensory issues).

As for the rest of your issues. I've learned over the years with an evil sil and fil to just disconnect and detach as much as possible. Be civil but detach. At this point he doesn't live with you and the ex is trying to get you to react (my sil and fil are narcissistic personality disorder). DON'T DO IT. Play pass the bean dip, not your problem, you don't have to live with it.

Focus on your family, not the ex and the step son. Step son will one day find out the truth and then his mom will have a heck of a lot to explain.

The biggest thing is being civil, she calls for husband pass the phone quietly to him. She wants to talk to you, play pass the bean dip (change subject, pass phone to husband with a polite I'm sorry here's husband).

MAKE BOUNDARIES! Stick to them. Toxic people are like little toddlers. They need to be reminded often of your boundaries but first off they need you to tell them your boundaries and the consequences of stepping out of line when it comes to the boundaries you set between yourself and them.

Most of all, take a page from Ghandi: Nobody can hurt me without my permission. Don't give her permission to hurt you, don't give her an inch to bother you (I know harder done than said, I've spent 14 yrs dealing with evil sil and fil - lots of horror stories there).

3 years ago I said enough is enough and drew my line in the sand and stuck with it. Have to admit, I have a had a nice three years of drama free goodness when it comes to those two freaks of nature.


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## 2nd wife

Jellybeans said:


> Stop spamming
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What does this mean? It came right after mine and I don't understand. Is it about me or someone else?


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## Jellybeans

There was a spammer posting. He/it got banned already which is why u can no longer see the post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joe kidd

I took on 2 girls when we Got together. Yeah it's tough sometimes. Their "dad" did little to nothing for them and I went out of my way to let him be a part of their lives. Yes the day came that all step parents hate, the "you're not my dad" day. I said no I'm not, but I am an adult who provides you food and shelter. I have earned and will accept nothing less than your respect.


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## Freak On a Leash

If and when I start dating again if a man has minor age children I won't date him. Period. I would never take on that baggage. I certainly wouldn't marry him. 

I don't plan to date as long as I have minor age children because I wouldn't impose someone on my kids.


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## CANT WIN

I totally understand the way you feel iam the same with my sd i just cant stand to even hear her name said. It is driving me mad as my partner dosnt understand why i dont love her


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## wickederthanyou

I understand, totally. My SD is a train wreck at 13, and that track is twisted. I am so sorry you're going through this. I've been there, and only recently.
First, you are not a bad person because you can't/don't love her. Let that sh** go. You're a good person in an un-winnable situation. You are not bad, you are not unloving, you are not unnatural. They will NEVER want you like a parent. Don't sweat that.
They are not your responsibility. They have 2 parents. MAKE THEM do THEIR job. We enable husbands to let us be the bad cop. Homework, curfews, discipline, chores. HIS JOB. MAKE HIM DO IT. I still struggle with this a LOT, as my husband works shift work, and I am "stuck" with them after work and on weekends. I keep telling myself less than 5 years. Make your marriage strong and look forward to that time.


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## tacoma

wickederthanyou said:


> I keep telling myself less than 5 years. Make your marriage strong and look forward to that time.


I kept telling myself that too, it took 4 more years than that and I`m at the moment right in the middle of the fallout.

I don`t know which way it`s going to go.

I`m just telling you to be prepared to be frustrated at the end of those 5 years.

I did as you`re doing, I made my marriage as strong as I could to take this blow and I`m not sure I was able to make it strong enough.

Time will tell.


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## chattycathy

Uh. I don't think its 4 or 5 more years.
The parent/child relationship is for all eternity and each year brings a new stew.
Forever.


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## tacoma

chattycathy said:


> Uh. I don't think its 4 or 5 more years.
> The parent/child relationship is for all eternity and each year brings a new stew.
> Forever.


wickeder is talking about the time remaining until the kid is out of her home and on his/her own.

Also a parent/child relationship is generally nothing like a step-parent/child relationship.


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## At wits end

imhereforadvice said:


> For anyone who is complaining about their stepchildren or prior stepchildren ruining their marriages (and is blaming the children), maybe you should have thought about that before you married the children's parent. The parent is expected, and should put their child first, as you would expect that parent to do if you were to have kids with them (put your child before you).
> 
> If you date someone who has children, and it doesn't work out, then don't marry that person. Dating and being engaged are the trial times when it comes to relationships, and that would be the time to gage whether or not you can handle taking on the role of a stepparent, in which you should try your best to love the child as your own. I am a proud stepparent, and love my stepdaughter more than anyone in the entire world. I would jump in front of a bus for her. I would take a bullet for her. And guess what, even if tomorrow she slapped me across the face, spit in my face, told me she hated me, and that I'm not her REAL mother, I WOULD LOVE HER JUST AS MUCH and would still do all of the above mentioned things. Why? Because when I married her father I chose to love her as my own.
> 
> CHILDREN are children. If they have issues with you as a stepparent, that is to be expected, because it is reality that you are not their "real" parent. However, it takes a real stepparent to step up and try their best to work through these issues. IE: FAMILY COUNSELING. Try and bond with the child. If the child/children are older, and there doesn't seem to be ANYTHING you can do, then maybe you just have to accept that. Hell, I have cousins that I don't get along with, does that mean I can't have relationships with their parents or siblings? No, it just means that I have to either work on that relationship with that cousin, or that I have to accept it, love them anyway, but never really expect us to be best friends, because it just isn't in the cards. You can still respect the children that don't respect you. You can still love the children that don't seem to really love you. You are the one who is the adult, and need to act accordingly.
> 
> If the children are teenagers, they could just be being bratty teenagers! How do you know they don't sit at their "real" parents house with the door locked and only come out to eat? THAT'S WHAT TEENAGERS DO! That's what I did, and my parents are still married to this day. And yes, everyone has the right to love, and expect time with their spouse, but that is something that you work out with your SPOUSE, not let the children dictate how your lives run. Boundaries need to be set, and that is the parents/stepparents responsibilities. If those needs aren't met, don't hate the children, take a good look at your spouse. Maybe he/she should be defending you if the children are bratty, and should step up and see that you get the time and love that you are so desiring and deserving, and if not - then I would considering taking a good look at your marriage.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

For all you posters out there complaining that they didnt sign up for this...well I call bullsh#t. You are a frickin adult, act like it! You made a commitment to another person knowing that they had kids. If you are not mature enough to weight out all the possibilities that could go along with that,then you have no right making the choice.
This to me is an extremely selfish attitude.You just dont go into a relationship thinking like this. 

Kids are kids, no matter how old they are, until they are adults they dont have the emotional maturity to deal with the things you are expecting them to deal with, think of what kind of an example you are setting for them with this behavior. 

As an adult, it is your choice to take on the responsibility of raising a child, you dont get to pick and choose which parts you want to do or dont do. It is an equal responsibility between the partner you married and you. What if the child came from an abusive relationship and it was in the best interest of the child to take them away from the other parent for their own safety, what if the other parent has died and is no longer around. What about what the child has been through already, maybe they can feel this dislike coming from the stepparent and they are hurt by this because it is not their fault that this adult cant be an adult and not project their immature feelings on them. 
Kids act out and rebel against behaviors such as this, ever stop and think that sometimes the behavior is a result of the fact that deep down the child knows that the step-parent cant stand them?
Sometimes it seems that the kids have more maturity than some of the people that are doing all this complaining. I am not saying that you are not allowed to have these feelings, you are, but be adult enough to deal with them in a mature manner. You made your choice, you do not have the right to just change your mind at the drop of a hat!

Lets not forget about the kids and their feelings in all of this, did not see one poster mention anything about them.


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## tacoma

At wits end said:


> For all you posters out there complaining that they didnt sign up for this...well I call bullsh#t.


You can call whatever you like but until you have a disrespectful, self absorbed, unemployed, adult step kid sitting on your couch playing video games 12 hours a day trashing your house and treating your wife like a maid you really haven`t a clue what you`re talking about.



> You are a frickin adult, act like it!


I do and I expect other "adults" to act like it as well or face some "adult" consequences.



> Kids are kids, no matter how old they are, until they are adults ...


Yes, exactly.



> As an adult, it is your choice to take on the responsibility of raising a child, you dont get to pick and choose which parts you want to do or dont do.


Actually...you do get to choose what you will or won`t do.
It`s called free will or at least the illusion of free will.




> It is an equal responsibility between the partner you married and you.


Actually it`s rarely ever an "equal" partnership and the reason is usually the bio parent.

I have a feeling you`ve never been a step-parent wits end if you have been you`ve been extremely lucky.


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## At wits end

I have been a step-parent , and I do know how it feels. I agree, it is not easy. But I do not agree, that the child should have to suffer because the adults cannot work out the problems. And most of the time, the disfunction of the child is due to the disfunction of the adults.


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## tacoma

At wits end said:


> And most of the time, the disfunction of the child is due to the disfunction of the adults.



On that we can agree.


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## At wits end

Dont get me wrong

I can agree in situations where the kids are shared between ex's it is very difficult to control what the other parent does or how they deal with the child. But in the case of the child always being with the NEW family and not being influenced by the ex. It is the adults duty to discuss and work things out. 
Not always easy I know, but the kids pick up on a lot more than we tend to give them credit for. 
For instance, the child could build resentment for the stepparent because of fights or disagreements they have witnessed. They will then side with the natural parent and rebel against the stepparent for hurting their M or F. This will lead to many more problems down the road. What the stepparent needs to do is deal with the situations in an adult manner with the child AND the S.O.,and not just throw in the towel because they changed their minds and dont feel like dealing anymore. IMHO this is a childish response to the situation and not something that would be expected from an adult.

My point being.....they made a commitment...stand by it.


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## tacoma

At wits end said:


> My point being.....they made a commitment...stand by it.


It`s not always that cut and dry.

It`s very common that the bio parent is the one undermining that commitment, which is the situation in many of the step-parents complaints in this thread.

At that point there is nothing much the step parent can do but disengage if they wish to keep their marriage and stand by THAT commitment.


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## At wits end

Ok,

This I can understand, but it is not always easy for the bio parent either, if the step parent has different views on how the child should be raised or disciplined.

My current situation speaks to this,as my wife is very domineering and wants things done her way. We have different views on discipline and education and several other issues. But, I am the one getting the flak because I do not raise my child the way SHE thinks I should. Then it turns into an all or nothing situation where it's her way or she backs out completely instead of coming to an agreement and some common ground.This is why these responses stuck a nerve with me.

Please see my other posting about this situation

Sometimes the problem can be with the way a stepparent sees the child as well and the FEELINGS that they have of this child is not mine.

The situation may not actually be as bad as it is made out to be.


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## hadenoughofyourexnkids

love this post! thank you for feeling the way you do, i admire that and will feel that way too! free!


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## Michelle27

This hits close to home for me, and makes me sad. This post, combined with the many others I can see in this section of TAM break my heart. When I met my 2nd husband, I had a 6 year old daughter. She came first, my husband came second. She did not get to choose the man who would move into her home, and to make things more complicated, my 2nd husband and my daughter had a fantastic relationship for about 5 years...so much so that she actually contemplated taking his last name in the future. And now, because my husband has admitted that he's actually JEALOUS of my teenage daughter because of issues that came up 5 years ago with his son from his first marriage (see my post and try to understand how this kind of simmering hatred of your partner's child affects everyone), he has been treating my daughter like crap for years. Yes, he has admitted this on several occasions. He thinks he's doing "good" now because he doesn't go after her in anger anymore...no...he comes to me and acts like the things my teenager does (typical teenage stuff like forgetting a chore, staying up late, hanging out in her room a lot, etc.) are punishable offenses while we are supposed to minimize the abuse his son committed on our young daughter. We're supposed to feel bad for his son because he was subjected to abuse as a young child. 

My opinion is that the adults are supposed to act like adults, not expect children to solve the issues they are having. I can admit that after years of my husband acting like my daughter from my first marriage was the devil's spawn when what she was doing was acting in age appropriate ways (and I've been a teacher for 18 years, the last 5 of teenagers...I think I have some idea of what is normal teenage behavior), while in the meantime his from his first marriage son is placed in a behavior program because of anger problems, and then goes onto sexually abuse our then 6 year old daughter and we are supposed to CELEBRATE his being placed in one regular class after years of being in his behavior class. After years of this double standard, I began having thoughts of treating his son when he was in our home the way my husband had treated my daughter over the past few years to attempt to get my husband to understand what he was doing...and this HORRIFIED me so much that I immediately placed myself in counseling to work through the resentments that would lead me to even contemplate something like that. Thank goodness I did...I would hate to think that I would sink that low.

How you treat children in their growing up years is VERY important to their future. Hatred of children, who didn't ask to be brought into a marriage like this is appalling and makes me very sad for that child and for the natural parent who struggles with being pulled in both directions all the time.


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## At wits end

Michelle27 said:


> This hits close to home for me, and makes me sad. This post, combined with the many others I can see in this section of TAM break my heart. When I met my 2nd husband, I had a 6 year old daughter. She came first, my husband came second. She did not get to choose the man who would move into her home, and to make things more complicated, my 2nd husband and my daughter had a fantastic relationship for about 5 years...so much so that she actually contemplated taking his last name in the future. And now, because my husband has admitted that he's actually JEALOUS of my teenage daughter because of issues that came up 5 years ago with his son from his first marriage (see my post and try to understand how this kind of simmering hatred of your partner's child affects everyone).
> 
> My opinion is that the adults are supposed to act like adults, not expect children to solve the issues they are having. I can admit that after years of my husband acting like my daughter from my first marriage was the devil's spawn when what she was doing was acting in age appropriate ways (and I've been a teacher for 18 years, the last 5 of teenagers...I think I have some idea of what is normal teenage behavior), while in the meantime his from his first marriage son is placed in a behavior program because of anger problems, and then goes onto sexually abuse our then 6 year old daughter and we are supposed to CELEBRATE his being placed in one regular class after years of being in his behavior class. After years of this double standard, I began having thoughts of treating his son when he was in our home the way my husband had treated my daughter over the past few years to attempt to get my husband to understand what he was doing...and this HORRIFIED me so much that I immediately placed myself in counseling to work through the resentments that would lead me to even contemplate something like that. Thank goodness I did...I would hate to think that I would sink that low.
> 
> How you treat children in their growing up years is VERY important to their future. Hatred of children, who didn't ask to be brought into a marriage like this is appalling and makes me very sad for that child and for the natural parent who struggles with being pulled in both directions all the time.


If only my wife could have been as mature and insightful as you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MNM

My mother remarried several years ago. My brother and I were already out of the house and my step-dads kids were also around the same age. Anyway, long story short, my step-sister is VERY aggressive, disrespectful and rude. Not just to my mother, who has bent over backwards to accommodate her, but also to her father. They have even considered getting a restraining order against her. It has created a lot of stress on their marriage since my step sister has recently had a baby and is trying to guilt my parents into helping her take care of it because she is lazy and doesn't think she should have to work. Where is her mother? She kicked her own daughter out and spreads lies all over town about my mother being a *****. So, I am pretty sure that my mother had no idea what she was getting herself into. She is sticking with her husband but he just doesn't have the backbone to stand up to these people and my mom feels completely alienated. I have a feeling, if she knew then what she knows now, she also would have made a different choice. I don't blame her one bit.


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## StepMom

2nd wife said:


> I just registered today and it is to respond to this post.
> 
> When I married my second husband, I wanted the whole package and was willing to do as much as possible to foster a relationship with his young children (mine were grown).
> 
> I did everything I could think of, including going with my husband and his ex-wife (and her husband at the time) to counseling appointments and school meetings. When the children were with us, I cooked special meals, I went shopping with them, I encouraged them to talk to me, if they wanted.
> 
> 10+ years later I can say this: THEY HATE ME.
> 
> Do I hate them? No, but I don't *like* them. I don't respect them. I don't want them in my life.
> 
> They and their mother have made my life a living hell.
> 
> And it makes me feel like crap.
> 
> If I could, I would write a letter to any woman considering being a step mother. I would warn her. Be prepared, I'd say... because it might be the most fulfilling experience you'll ever have - or the worst mistake you ever make.
> 
> It has nearly ruined my marriage and that's a true tragedy because my husband is a wonderful man. He never could stand up to his ex or his children, though. I didn't know that until long after I married him.


I signed up today to reply to your post. I know it was a while ago, but it really hit home for me. 

I struggle every day with these same things! I too wanted the whole package at one point. But his ex undermines us constantly, and simply because my H dared to have a life after she decided he was not what she wanted. She *****es about H and I to the girls, and often tries to act more like their friend than their mother. She tells the girls out right lies, knowing that we will not argue and badmouth her in front of the girls. They should not have to join in on the bashing of their parent (or SP for that matter)! Getting them to pretend to be on your side because they are too scared to make you mad by loving Dad and his wife... ? Seriously? I think that is really unhealthy (and Sad on so many levels)... just saying.

I also did everything I could think of. Neither of us go to school meetings (the Ex would throw an absolute fit!). We don't even get a school picture (Child Support doesn't cover those). We spend quality time with the girls when they are with us; I went shopping with them, spent many afternoons baking cookies and treats, playing games and even exercising from time to time (a foriegn concept in their other household). I have also let them know I am another adult for them to talk to, if they want or need something. I am a bio Mom also, so I have experience dealing with kid issues. =)

Its been 5 years and THEY HATE ME too. The oldest, that's not so new - she offered to hate me for her Mom's sake (Matter-of-Factly reported to me by her Mom at our first meeting). The youngest though, I have tried to bond with her, and we even started to have a new friendship in the beginning. But unfortunately her Mom squashed that pretty quickly. Their Mom has made it abundantly clear (both with words and action) that disliking their Dad and me is the expectation, and anything less is a betrayal to her. 

It is unfortunate, but their Mom has made this situation nearly impossible for everyone involved. She is a bitter, hateful, resentful, unhappy, (and lets not forget envious) person. She seems to feel that if the girls have a relationship with only her then she somehow wins. My biggest problem with that is that in order for her to win, ultimately the girls have to lose... JUST SUCKS!!! I want to love my SDs and be another resource when they need help, but at what cost? I feel like crap too. At point do we say enough is enough? and what do you do when you reach that point?

My husband is a wonderful man. His gentle nature is one of the reasons I fell in love with him... (seems that may be both a blessing and a curse). He never could stand up to his ex either ...and she uses that to her advantage. She is BY FAR the most manipulative person I know.

I too would warn any woman considering becoming a step mother...

Thanks for reading.


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## OhGeesh

Every family is different, but even in our normally functioning family with inlaws by marriage. My wife will never be super close to her MIL it's been 15 years they just don't gel very well. We are cordial she is cordial, but that's about it.

You can't force the stuff either you hit it of or you don't.


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## girl friday

I have read all of your posts and can sympathise with you all. It is very easy to make comments about knowing it was all a "package deal" before you went into it. But sometimes its not all that simple. Thnking you are prepared to cope with it all can sometimes be very different from the relalities of the situation. Situations change, people change, what was once a workable situation can sometimes develop into something very different. I believe that being in a blended family is the hardest thing that I have ever done.

My blended family consists of me and my 2 x kids and my partner and his 3 x kids. Both mine and 1 of his live with us. The drama we have right now is with his 16 year old daughter and her rude, obnoxious and defient behaviour. She has never been pulled up when she has spoken out of turn or with disrespect and now her mouth is out of control. She has also been the catalyst for her mother's relationship with her partner breaking up. I don't think I hate her but I strongly dislike her and her behaviour and don't want to spend any time around her. 

I try not to let this cause problems between my partner and I but it is difficult. Especially when he make constant excuses for her. The excuse of the moment is that her friends are a bad influence on her. This makes me really irritated as she is old enough to take responsibility for her own actions. One day at a time. It can only get better.


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## tmh

I signed up to reply to this post as well. 

I'm a StepM, with 2 boys, and no bios. I married a man I knew had children, had an evil ex, but I fell madly in love w H and boys right off the top. For 11 years now, I've watched them grow, loved my H and boys as much as I could, and tried not to go crazy myself on ex as she would have lost. 

She and her H have said/done every bad, evil, hateful thing to and about us. Gone to court several times over the years, they moved 150+ miles away several years ago, but we always tried to make it work for the boys sake. We fought until the money ran out then we lost. Now we pay child support, cell phone bills, auto ins, medical bills, gas money, school dances, school fees, buy clothes, etc...

Boys are now 17 and 14, and they love/hate their mother. She and her H are emotionally/verbally and lightly physically abusive (pushing, etc...), she's so up some days and so down the next, but still functioning as an adult in society somehow. She lies so much she doesn't even know the truth anymore, and both her and her H have completely allientated themselves from their families lives.

The boys are so afraid she won't talk to them ever again that they have "learned" to deal with the situation. We are again going through court for a situation that involved the boys getting kicked-out of her house and running to ours. According to the GAL, she's a highly responsible person and sees no severe emotional abuse in their household. WTF, I'm sure this will cost us another several thousand and some major emotional trauma because she can sell ice to an eskimo.

The split emotions I have about all this has me seriously contemplating leaving it altogether. I don't hate my step kids, I love them. They are not always perfect, but really good boys considering the hot mess they are living with. 

However, if you are considering being a step parent ever, consider the years of stress that life will bring on. The years of complete madness and frustration with crazy, evil exes, possible children that are acting out or hate, rifts with partner because he doesn't speak up enough, lots and lots of money you may have as well burned, not to mention your life, your hopes and dreams that do NOT come first no matter what even after years of sacrifice. If you can handle it as a person, growing, changing, ever evolving person, you are stronger than 99.99999% of folks out there. Or...maybe you're just stupid. Even love, for H and kids, is not enough somedays. People say 'hang in there, it's almost over. They're almost adults'. Not even close. Then there's graduations, college, weddings, grandbabies. 

It will never end having to deal with my H's 2 year marriage almost 20 years ago. Be warned folks. It doesn't get better.


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## Anonymous15

OK so, here's the thing, I don't hate my Step son for no reason, 
he's 15, not some little 5 yr old, I tried to be nice, bought him gifts on this birthday/xmas, hung out with him etc, YET I have been screwed over by him several times
including

1) stealing 10$ in the first few months I was dating his dad 
2) stole my iphone in the morning while I WAS ASLEEP, during a sleep over and we had to bribe his mom with money to go in his room and get it back, guess what, it was there
3) and the big daddy of them all: last year we bought a flat screen TV, not even 24 hrs later, little F***er sleeps over and the next night (he left in the morning ) we were ROBBED , of our brand new TV, digital camera, my laptop, MY GUITAR that I have since I was *16 *, my nintendo GAMES (yea I'm a nerd and no grown man will steal games c'mon), my straightening iron for my hair for god sakes!! and the list goes on, has I type this I remember that night and I want to just beat him mercilessly, 

oh and my precious COMIC book collection, again, no adult will steal this, anyway, we confront him and he says it's not him, 'that it's his friends', and the little F****er tells dad he won't reveal who did it his dad even said 'you pick your father or your friends' and he still didn't say anything...

so about 3 months after that, the F****er comes by like nothing happened and brought back my books, the SAME ones, so he KNOWS who did it and I won't let it go till the day I die

fast forward, this is a year later from the robbery, I haven't seen him in about a year (don't worry folks, the S****head saw his dad during that year, I just avoided him knowing I'd go to jail for jumping him) 

now the ****er moved back in the neighbourhood and plays nice with me as if nothing happened, but he's still a douche, racist, thief, smokes and as much as I love my bf he's to nice and let's him be a little **** BUT will defend me if he's (son) mean with me, only reason I'm still around,

oh and his ex is a psycho, lies to every cable company and owner (while renting) moves every 4-5 months for not paying etc, and he's exactly like her...he lives with her yes,

I'm sorry for all the swearing and hope this is not to confusing, but my point is

I tried, I really did, and I have every right to HATE him for what he's done to me, 

so, with these sudden hypocritical visits for cigarettes, money and eating our food (which I buy for ME and my BOYFRIEND , not to feed the whole F****ing village) I don't know what to do, I don't open any door for conversation unless he reall bugs me and wants attention, and I simply will never trust him again

but it boils up inside of me, hearing his voice I shake in anger and, well, just wanna push down the stairs

so once again I apologize for the aggressive post, I'm usually not like this but I had to get this off my chest

I don't know what to do, I will never win, the **** comes before me blababla , but how am I not supposed to get angry?


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## JustWantOut

I met my husband 8 years ago. At the time, his ex wife, *****, druggie, liar, psychopath....who abandoned her 4 children was out of the picture for nearly a year.....absolutely no contact with the kids. His kids were, then aged 14, 11, 9 and 7. They seemed excited to have a new mom, and I was excited to have a wonderful husband and a flock of kids. MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I broke my cardinal rule #1......never date a man with kids at home! I'd just turned 40 when we were married, and felt the old biological clock pounding in my chest. We decided early on to have a child together (my son was 18). It only took 2 months and I was preggers. I remember the night we found out....we were headed to his home town for a branding (we're ranchers). His buddy called and asked if he'd head down to the bar for a drink (birthday party). The next morning, he rolled into his mom's house, still plastered from the night before. He told me that he could do whatever he wanted and to pack my '****' and get out. Ok....I was packing my '****'.....almost everything in the house.....to move back to MY house (I owned a house 3 hours away). He begged me not to leave, and had his kids beg me not to leave. MY GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING? I stayed! So, the baby's born, I'm realizing that his kids are number one and I'm just a convenient nanny. MONSTERS! They lied to get me in trouble with my husband. They stole stuff from me on a regular basis. I GOT IN TROUBLE!!! Those little air vampires NEVER did anything wrong! Time passes....I had to drive clear out to Idaho (from NE Wyoming) to pick up kids #s 1 and 3. It was my bday, and hubby was elk hunting. Kid #1, 16 at the time, was given a LOT of money to buy me a bday present. Kid #1 took hundreds of dollars intended for me, and spent it on his girlfriend! I NEVER got a bday present.........He NEVER had to say sorry, pay the money back, be punished! I hear from hubby, if I bring it up, that I'm selfish and that I just can't let things go. Maybe, but by God, I'da gotten my ass whipped if I'da pulled a stunt like that! Kid #1 went through my personal horse tack and stole an expensive pair of silver stirrups. When I saw he had them, I told him to put them back. He told me **** you, Dad said I could. I confronted husband and he told me that since I wasn't using them, kid #1 could have them! Can you imagine being told **** You by a 16 year old punk? Kid 2 was teaching 3 year old daughter to say things to me.....things like "your not my mommy"....You're fat and ugly....I hate you, but I love S*****. When I confronted husband with this, he told me baby daughter was a liar and that kid #2 didn't do that. Husband told me to stop putting those ideas in baby daughter's head??? Who was lying? Was it me or baby daughter? Kid #2 ran away Senior year to live with the psycho mommy who hosted drug/booze parties for her. Daughter #2 stole a $200 dollar horse bit when she left. Hubby told me that she didn't take it and it was in the shed. I asked hubby to clean the shed and find it.........couldn't find it. Hubby asked kid #2 where the bit was and she lied and said she'd never seen it. She used it while she lived here, kid #2 told husband and I that she had it.....2 other said she has it.....no consequence. Kid #3 is ALWAYS moody. Treats me like **** whenever husband isn't around. Husband asks why I can't get along? Kid #4 has been in counseling for lying and stealing multiple times. Now is 15 years old, and still the same ****, different day. MY ENTIRE JEWLERY BOX IS GONE....ONLY KID #4 COULD HAVE ACCESSED IT....lies and says never seen it. If asked to do something, snotty, won't do it. Lazy! Won't tend own chores/dog lives on a chain and I feed it. 

Husband has no expectations for these monsters. Kid #1 is now 22.....kid #2 is 20. Neither live with us. Both were telling #1's now mother in law and fiancee' all kinds of lies about me. Stuff like, I wouldn't let them alone with baby daughter, ever, because I was afraid they'd molest her.....I kept their father broke (even though he'd just bought kid #2 a new truck).....I wouldn't let them be alone with their father......so much, I just can't put it all on here. I had my fill. I told them to get lost, don't come back and stay the hell away from me and my little one. Husband told me to leave and never come back.

So, please enlighten me, why is it that I'm still here? Is it merely the fear of being alone at nearly 50? Of once again, starting over? Is it depression? I have 0 energy, don't give a rats ass if my house is a mess.......just my little one......that's all that matters (and my now 26yo). I was once a Deputy....and a Corrections Officer. Why does this man reduce me to tears so easily? He tells me often to leave. He tells me I'm a horrible, unfit mother. He tells me that my baby doesn't need me, or love me. He has NO time for me.....to help me....etc. A few years ago, a horse threw me and broke my back in 2 places. I wasn't supposed to pick anything up or be on my feet alot. NO HELP......NOT WITH TODDLER.....NOT WITH HOUSE CHORES....NOTHING. 

Understand, I went into this with love for all of them. I went into this thinking I had not only found my prince charming, but a house full of kids that would be mine. I DID love them, all of them, but not now. Not now. I feel the deepest disgust for my husband....he's a spineless worm who doesn't even love those kids enough to tell them no. I feel contempt and hatered for those kids. If at 22 and 20 they don't know better then to lie and try and cause trouble, then I pray they die before they procreate. 

It's hard to live with myself, sometimes....constantly hoping my husband will be killed out there on the ranch. Hoping that he won't make it back to the house and he'll be found dead, his head smashed on a rock. I would never do it, but I hope.....I pray.


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## MrsSBK

I read through several of the posts and comments. I understand it. I know when I first met my husband (of five years), that he was wanting to get custody of his daughter (from ex-wife #1) and didn't hardly ever see his two sons (from ex-wife #2). I met them, but I got the distinct impression that he didn't spend a lot of time with either of them. I also got the impression that his daughter had met an abundant amount of his girlfriends... sadly.

Our first two years together were spent in court with both (YES BOTH) ex's. Child support reduction, custody battle, it was one thing after another. 

Here I am five years later and you know the one thing I am certain of. 

I am the baby sitter. That's it. I wouldn't even hesitate to say that he married me for my mothering skills, my house, and my trucks. I wouldn't even hesitate to say it.

He has had major knock down dragouts with both of my children. He even told me one time that he hated (that's right - that he hated - my oldest). I stayed. Certain we could work through it. Then he had a knock down drag out with my youngest. I stayed.

Now, I have had enough (absolutely) of ex-wife #2... she can do whatever she wants. Takes the 5th weekends away from us in court (for no reason either), makes the boys go to some church thing every summer (but her other two kids from EX <yeah that's right she couldn't stay married a 2nd time either> #2, don't have to go) I'd also like to say that I am a firm believer in church, so don't look at me crossways about it, we were all (myself, my H, her and her ex-H) smokers, they made a rule that we couldn't smoke - so... we quit. All together. But in my five years - FIVE YEARS - I can count on ONE hand how many times she has showed up with those kids on time. ONE STINKING HAND. Rules don't apply to her - ever. H always has a good excuse for it too.

If I don't sweep the floors enough, then I get yelled at. If one of my kids does something my H doesn't like... you guess it, I get to hear about it (or they do). If my ex-H does something he doesn't like... guess what... yup, I get to hear about that too. But his ex-wife #2... there is an excuse for absolutely everything she does. And those two little brats of theirs... that make messes, pee all over things (yes pee), back talk, lie, and steal (oh yes, and more than once AND have gotten caught)... there is an excuse for absolutely everything.

Personally, I think often now about packing his crap and putting it and his daughter out of my house. OUT of my house. I think about it - OFTEN. BTW, I can complain about the ex2 being late, but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing gets done about it. He can make snide remarks about taking them back late also... but if I do it... oh dear Lord poop is gonna fly.

What erks me most is that he made me quit my job... made me. I guess so I could be here to wait on him hand and foot and babysit his kids. But I am getting an education too... and when I am done with that - I am thinking I may just go to law school and then you better bet your sweet bottom - katy bar the door, I am not taking his crap anymore.

I may not finish either, I have enough of it. I may not make it, but I will be darned if I am gonna let some man talk crap to my kids, threaten to hit them, threaten me with divorce every other day unless I'm doing exactly what he wants me to do, and then be nice to me cause his kids are fixing to show up... cause my patience is running thin. I've had enough... and this is the first place that I have found - that I finally felt like I was not alone. 

I would die for my kids. MY kids. He would obviously die for his that's fine... but if he treats my kids like crap even one more time... his are going to get a taste of what it's like and if he won't leave after that... then I'll pack his crap up and put it in the yard, file for divorce and change the locks. It's my house brother. I bought and paid for this little slice of heaven NOT YOU. 

He actually had the audacity the last time he told me he was leaving me... to ask "what are we gonna do about the house?"... For the first time - I actually just laughed at him... AT HIM... keep dreaming farm boy - this place is mine, in my name, and my name alone. Bought long before you came in the picture... LONG before. Always was, always will be... and regardless of how long we stay married - his name will never EVER be on the deed and when death comes for me... my kids will have nice place that they can sell or share, but it will not be his and it will not be his children's. THAT is already written in stone and that will forever remain. 

I thought when I met him that I met the other half of me. It was like sliding on an old house shoe... but the temper and the crazy screaming crap that started AFTER we got married (oh and this will crack you up) when I say AFTER we got married, I mean like the WEEK after. I purposely waited to marry him - long enough where I thought his true colors would show... not long enough. Because one the 4th day of our HONEYMOON, he tells me that he's "had enough" he hadn't been "happy for a long time" and he "wanted out"... you couldn't even picture the look on my face... on my honeymoon... hearing that complete and utter crap. But you know what - I wish I would've packed his crap THAT day and told him these words exactly, "me too, let's just call it quits so we don't waste anymore time, I think we can get an annulment"... I should've just said it - I'd still have my job (good job too), and I wouldn't feel like a slave baby sitter that gets her butt chewed every two weeks like a PMS cycle - I'd be alone - and I'd be perfectly fine (I was perfectly fine being alone WHEN I met him). 

Thanks guys for letting me know I am not alone, and for listening.


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates

On my way out and not fast enough! If people planning on marrying someone with baggage would come across these forums we could save one more person from making a stupid, stupid mistake such as we have. Whoever said everything happens for a reason, I would love to know the reasoning behind becoming an eff'n doormat to a sawed off opinionated keebler elve mommas boy and his 2 crybaby drama queen daughters who obviously got their stupid genes from both parents! Is it possible to receive every defective gene from 2 parents??? Guess so, because that is what I have seen for 8 years...a group of idiots! The nuts obviously didn't fall far from the tree because the mother in law is attending the 18 year old thieving trouble makers graduation and will afterwards share a meal with the ex who... forged her name on a loan which the inlaws lost their home eventually over, cheated on her son and brought men home from the bar around the kids, lied, now a felon, married a man that molested the kids for years, made my husband lose his career... you name it- but hasn't spoke to me since I packed the 18 years olds bags because I had enough of her back and forth games, stealing from us, cussing everyone including my 12 year old dramatic games... My once huge heart is now solid stone and I will no longer give people another chance! The next person who tells me to suck it up and deal will take one right in the nose... NOT MY KIDS- NOT MY PROBLEM!

I had it fixed after having my daughter now 13 , to never have anymore children. Why I decided to take on my husbands on going $#!t is beyond me, but I will not find my self 15 or 20 years down the road questioning this!


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates

*Blood is thicker than water... will his blood wipe his @$$ at 80?*

I met my husband 8 years ago. At the time, his ex wife, *****, druggie, liar, psychopath....who abandoned her 4 children was out of the picture for nearly a year.....absolutely no contact with the kids. His kids were, then aged 14, 11, 9 and 7. They seemed excited to have a new mom, and I was excited to have a wonderful husband and a flock of kids. MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I broke my cardinal rule #1......never date a man with kids at home! I'd just turned 40 when we were married, and felt the old biological clock pounding in my chest. We decided early on to have a child together (my son was 18). It only took 2 months and I was preggers. I remember the night we found out....we were headed to his home town for a branding (we're ranchers). His buddy called and asked if he'd head down to the bar for a drink (birthday party). The next morning, he rolled into his mom's house, still plastered from the night before. He told me that he could do whatever he wanted and to pack my '****' and get out. Ok....I was packing my '****'.....almost everything in the house.....to move back to MY house (I owned a house 3 hours away). He begged me not to leave, and had his kids beg me not to leave. MY GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING? I stayed! So, the baby's born, I'm realizing that his kids are number one and I'm just a convenient nanny. MONSTERS! They lied to get me in trouble with my husband. They stole stuff from me on a regular basis. I GOT IN TROUBLE!!! Those little air vampires NEVER did anything wrong! Time passes....I had to drive clear out to Idaho (from NE Wyoming) to pick up kids #s 1 and 3. It was my bday, and hubby was elk hunting. Kid #1, 16 at the time, was given a LOT of money to buy me a bday present. Kid #1 took hundreds of dollars intended for me, and spent it on his girlfriend! I NEVER got a bday present.........He NEVER had to say sorry, pay the money back, be punished! I hear from hubby, if I bring it up, that I'm selfish and that I just can't let things go. Maybe, but by God, I'da gotten my ass whipped if I'da pulled a stunt like that! Kid #1 went through my personal horse tack and stole an expensive pair of silver stirrups. When I saw he had them, I told him to put them back. He told me **** you, Dad said I could. I confronted husband and he told me that since I wasn't using them, kid #1 could have them! Can you imagine being told **** You by a 16 year old punk? Kid 2 was teaching 3 year old daughter to say things to me.....things like "your not my mommy"....You're fat and ugly....I hate you, but I love S*****. When I confronted husband with this, he told me baby daughter was a liar and that kid #2 didn't do that. Husband told me to stop putting those ideas in baby daughter's head??? Who was lying? Was it me or baby daughter? Kid #2 ran away Senior year to live with the psycho mommy who hosted drug/booze parties for her. Daughter #2 stole a $200 dollar horse bit when she left. Hubby told me that she didn't take it and it was in the shed. I asked hubby to clean the shed and find it.........couldn't find it. Hubby asked kid #2 where the bit was and she lied and said she'd never seen it. She used it while she lived here, kid #2 told husband and I that she had it.....2 other said she has it.....no consequence. Kid #3 is ALWAYS moody. Treats me like **** whenever husband isn't around. Husband asks why I can't get along? Kid #4 has been in counseling for lying and stealing multiple times. Now is 15 years old, and still the same ****, different day. MY ENTIRE JEWLERY BOX IS GONE....ONLY KID #4 COULD HAVE ACCESSED IT....lies and says never seen it. If asked to do something, snotty, won't do it. Lazy! Won't tend own chores/dog lives on a chain and I feed it. 

Husband has no expectations for these monsters. Kid #1 is now 22.....kid #2 is 20. Neither live with us. Both were telling #1's now mother in law and fiancee' all kinds of lies about me. Stuff like, I wouldn't let them alone with baby daughter, ever, because I was afraid they'd molest her.....I kept their father broke (even though he'd just bought kid #2 a new truck).....I wouldn't let them be alone with their father......so much, I just can't put it all on here. I had my fill. I told them to get lost, don't come back and stay the hell away from me and my little one. Husband told me to leave and never come back.

So, please enlighten me, why is it that I'm still here? Is it merely the fear of being alone at nearly 50? Of once again, starting over? Is it depression? I have 0 energy, don't give a rats ass if my house is a mess.......just my little one......that's all that matters (and my now 26yo). I was once a Deputy....and a Corrections Officer. Why does this man reduce me to tears so easily? He tells me often to leave. He tells me I'm a horrible, unfit mother. He tells me that my baby doesn't need me, or love me. He has NO time for me.....to help me....etc. A few years ago, a horse threw me and broke my back in 2 places. I wasn't supposed to pick anything up or be on my feet alot. NO HELP......NOT WITH TODDLER.....NOT WITH HOUSE CHORES....NOTHING. 

Understand, I went into this with love for all of them. I went into this thinking I had not only found my prince charming, but a house full of kids that would be mine. I DID love them, all of them, but not now. Not now. I feel the deepest disgust for my husband....he's a spineless worm who doesn't even love those kids enough to tell them no. I feel contempt and hatered for those kids. If at 22 and 20 they don't know better then to lie and try and cause trouble, then I pray they die before they procreate. 

It's hard to live with myself, sometimes....constantly hoping my husband will be killed out there on the ranch. Hoping that he won't make it back to the house and he'll be found dead, his head smashed on a rock. I would never do it, but I hope.....I pray.[/QUOTE]


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## ImFrazzled

preso said:


> You are making lots of assumptions based upon your beliefs and value systems and what you believe to be, which may not be many others peoples reality or situation.
> Might just be too, that your expecations and beliefs not only do not reflect mine but many others peoples and your not able to understand based on your lifes experinces. For one, It was well known by H and I both his EX would NEVER be involved with us.
> Much more can be said but I think you get the picture.
> 
> Package deals are some peoples idea of marriage, we just dont have the same situation, kids or exs involved and did not marry to raise his kids ( I told his kids I had no intention to be their mother, but would welcome a friendship and they were glad about that as they told me they preffered it that way, that they did not want me or my husband to parent them as they said they will only listen to their mother, neither of us and ESPECCIALLY not be parented by me... I was ok with that too but I did not think they would turn that into being disrespectful to me and my Husband !!! neither did he !!!)
> 
> and also my husband was never able to co-parent his kids ( not kids as they were older) after his divorce as his ex ( bitter, evil, greedy, unfair woman that she is) would not allow them to make plans with him or even be a father to them
> by doing things like constantly telling them he was a worthless scumbag who didn't even pay child support and abandon them
> and they should only go over to his house and get money from him. ask for expensive things... and if he loved them, he would.
> it was an impossible siutation for him... so we did not marry with any package deals....
> we married more despite them and even their many attempts to divide us. So, it may be hard for some to understand due to their personal lifes expeiernces as well as lots of other things...
> but package deal is not a reality for many people,
> but I know people who believe thats how it works ( mostly single custodial mothers in the people I know)
> and there is nothing wrong with that as we all have different
> lives and beliefs...
> but package deal concept is not something that was in our marriage.... in other words, the package was an angry bitter ex wife who wanted full control over her kids and their lives, willing to do anything to get their father out of the picture and turn them against him, spoiled unreasonable kids
> but he asked me to please LOOK AT HIM, and give him a chance.
> I did and he is a pretty good husband ( not perfect, but far better than most)
> and we also didn't realize how bad his kids would get under their mothers total control and the huge sense of entitlement they would grow into, or how much like their mother they were and eager to use, hurt and manipulate others for personal gain.
> Guess I'm trying to say, their mother got what she wanted
> ( by playing head games, lying and everything she could do) and created mindsets that "SHE" will now have to deal with.
> One more year (even less actually) and his kids will BOTH be adults. So then they will have to move on to play these games with the people they date because we sure aren't going to.
> Hope that makes sense... I do not mean any offense or personal attacks to you in explaining myself... but your views on what marriage is and package deals are different than my husbands and I have, and we have them for our own reasons with kids that are pretty nasty to be around.
> Package deals are more along the lines ( at least in my mind) for younger people who marry with small children and blended familes)
> Ours was never to become one as husbands ex did not want me or even their own father around the kids.
> His ex was always trying to get her new boyfriends to act as a father figure, finally after 5 years she found someone, a man, but he has only agreed to move in, not marry her
> I think maybe because he can't deal with those kids either? but not sure if thats the reason he won't marry her...
> Package deal is more for younger people who have small kids or spouses who can be reasonable adults, things not present in OUR situation.


I totally agree with you and when i married my wife she had 2 kids but since i have 2 of my own with someone else I also didnt marry the family ...only her tho over the years thru arguments etc thats all i hear...By the way they have their own bloody dad living in same town and they have no respect for me so screw her kids...I married my wife not her uncommunicative kids!!!...who by the way are 17 and 22


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## ImFrazzled

At wits end said:


> I have been a step-parent , and I do know how it feels. I agree, it is not easy. But I do not agree, that the child should have to suffer because the adults cannot work out the problems. And most of the time, the disfunction of the child is due to the disfunction of the adults.


You are sooo wrong...the disfunction is the bio parents problem...not the one who married the ****ty kids parent....The parent treats the kid like he/she can do nothing wrong even thjo that kid is disrespectful...I hate step kids who are like this and think they rule the roost....You obviously havent experienced that so swallow your comment!!!!


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## sfj

You can just feel the hurt and anger on this thread. 

I think what it comes down to is 99% of the time there is no such thing as a "blended family". It's a collection of parents and children who would rather NOT have to fake some phony parental "bond", because there is no bond! I think remarried couples would be a lot better off if everyone involved could just keep it on the real. There is no reason anyone should have to feel pressured into that fake BS. I'm convinced that only makes things worse.

Seriously, google "I hate my stepmother" and read how these kids really feel about us.

I've made a decision to treat my husband's two children (now 18 and 20) like any other human that walks the earth. If my attention, affection and respect is earned, then you got it. If not, then you are just another person, nothing special and nothing owed.


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## Amplexor

2009 Thread


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## tacoma

sfj said:


> I've made a decision to treat my husband's two children (now 18 and 20) like any other human that walks the earth. If my attention, affection and respect is earned, then you got it. If not, then you are just another person, nothing special and nothing owed.


that's exactly the way to get through it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates

Anonymous15 said:


> OK so, here's the thing, I don't hate my Step son for no reason,
> he's 15, not some little 5 yr old, I tried to be nice, bought him gifts on this birthday/xmas, hung out with him etc, YET I have been screwed over by him several times
> including
> 
> 1) stealing 10$ in the first few months I was dating his dad
> 2) stole my iphone in the morning while I WAS ASLEEP, during a sleep over and we had to bribe his mom with money to go in his room and get it back, guess what, it was there
> 3) and the big daddy of them all: last year we bought a flat screen TV, not even 24 hrs later, little F***er sleeps over and the next night (he left in the morning ) we were ROBBED , of our brand new TV, digital camera, my laptop, MY GUITAR that I have since I was *16 *, my nintendo GAMES (yea I'm a nerd and no grown man will steal games c'mon), my straightening iron for my hair for god sakes!! and the list goes on, has I type this I remember that night and I want to just beat him mercilessly,
> 
> oh and my precious COMIC book collection, again, no adult will steal this, anyway, we confront him and he says it's not him, 'that it's his friends', and the little F****er tells dad he won't reveal who did it his dad even said 'you pick your father or your friends' and he still didn't say anything...
> 
> 
> Of course... I suggest drinking 2 margaritas before your blow up such as I did  and guaranteed... people will finally listen to you-
> This way you don't give a crap about hurting feelings... because no one had a concern of ours while they were
> pushing us to our brink
> 
> so about 3 months after that, the F****er comes by like nothing happened and brought back my books, the SAME ones, so he KNOWS who did it and I won't let it go till the day I die
> 
> fast forward, this is a year later from the robbery, I haven't seen him in about a year (don't worry folks, the S****head saw his dad during that year, I just avoided him knowing I'd go to jail for jumping him)
> 
> now the ****er moved back in the neighbourhood and plays nice with me as if nothing happened, but he's still a douche, racist, thief, smokes and as much as I love my bf he's to nice and let's him be a little **** BUT will defend me if he's (son) mean with me, only reason I'm still around,
> 
> oh and his ex is a psycho, lies to every cable company and owner (while renting) moves every 4-5 months for not paying etc, and he's exactly like her...he lives with her yes,
> 
> I'm sorry for all the swearing and hope this is not to confusing, but my point is
> 
> I tried, I really did, and I have every right to HATE him for what he's done to me,
> 
> so, with these sudden hypocritical visits for cigarettes, money and eating our food (which I buy for ME and my BOYFRIEND , not to feed the whole F****ing village) I don't know what to do, I don't open any door for conversation unless he reall bugs me and wants attention, and I simply will never trust him again
> 
> but it boils up inside of me, hearing his voice I shake in anger and, well, just wanna push down the stairs
> 
> so once again I apologize for the aggressive post, I'm usually not like this but I had to get this off my chest
> 
> I don't know what to do, I will never win, the **** comes before me blababla , but how am I not supposed to get angry?


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates

Anonymous15 said:


> OK so, here's the thing, I don't hate my Step son for no reason,
> he's 15, not some little 5 yr old, I tried to be nice, bought him gifts on this birthday/xmas, hung out with him etc, YET I have been screwed over by him several times
> including
> 
> 1) stealing 10$ in the first few months I was dating his dad
> 2) stole my iphone in the morning while I WAS ASLEEP, during a sleep over and we had to bribe his mom with money to go in his room and get it back, guess what, it was there
> 3) and the big daddy of them all: last year we bought a flat screen TV, not even 24 hrs later, little F***er sleeps over and the next night (he left in the morning ) we were ROBBED , of our brand new TV, digital camera, my laptop, MY GUITAR that I have since I was *16 *, my nintendo GAMES (yea I'm a nerd and no grown man will steal games c'mon), my straightening iron for my hair for god sakes!! and the list goes on, has I type this I remember that night and I want to just beat him mercilessly,
> 
> oh and my precious COMIC book collection, again, no adult will steal this, anyway, we confront him and he says it's not him, 'that it's his friends', and the little F****er tells dad he won't reveal who did it his dad even said 'you pick your father or your friends' and he still didn't say anything...
> 
> so about 3 months after that, the F****er comes by like nothing happened and brought back my books, the SAME ones, so he KNOWS who did it and I won't let it go till the day I die
> 
> fast forward, this is a year later from the robbery, I haven't seen him in about a year (don't worry folks, the S****head saw his dad during that year, I just avoided him knowing I'd go to jail for jumping him)
> 
> now the ****er moved back in the neighbourhood and plays nice with me as if nothing happened, but he's still a douche, racist, thief, smokes and as much as I love my bf he's to nice and let's him be a little **** BUT will defend me if he's (son) mean with me, only reason I'm still around,
> 
> oh and his ex is a psycho, lies to every cable company and owner (while renting) moves every 4-5 months for not paying etc, and he's exactly like her...he lives with her yes,
> 
> I'm sorry for all the swearing and hope this is not to confusing, but my point is
> 
> I tried, I really did, and I have every right to HATE him for what he's done to me,
> 
> so, with these sudden hypocritical visits for cigarettes, money and eating our food (which I buy for ME and my BOYFRIEND , not to feed the whole F****ing village) I don't know what to do, I don't open any door for conversation unless he reall bugs me and wants attention, and I simply will never trust him again
> 
> but it boils up inside of me, hearing his voice I shake in anger and, well, just wanna push down the stairs
> 
> so once again I apologize for the aggressive post, I'm usually not like this but I had to get this off my chest
> 
> I don't know what to do, I will never win, the **** comes before me blababla , but how am I not supposed to get angry?


It's crazy... I didn't even mention in my post about the 17 year old taking our bank card on a spending spree twice not saying a word until I found out on our bank statements... and her freaked out cussing fits to everyone in the family... constant drama this was overlooked by family! I was supposed to go and work it out is what my husband said- ha... Not my kids- not my problem!
Other people can run and embrace that... not me


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates

JustWantOut said:


> I met my husband 8 years ago. At the time, his ex wife, *****, druggie, liar, psychopath....who abandoned her 4 children was out of the picture for nearly a year.....absolutely no contact with the kids. His kids were, then aged 14, 11, 9 and 7. They seemed excited to have a new mom, and I was excited to have a wonderful husband and a flock of kids. MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I broke my cardinal rule #1......never date a man with kids at home! I'd just turned 40 when we were married, and felt the old biological clock pounding in my chest. We decided early on to have a child together (my son was 18). It only took 2 months and I was preggers. I remember the night we found out....we were headed to his home town for a branding (we're ranchers). His buddy called and asked if he'd head down to the bar for a drink (birthday party). The next morning, he rolled into his mom's house, still plastered from the night before. He told me that he could do whatever he wanted and to pack my '****' and get out. Ok....I was packing my '****'.....almost everything in the house.....to move back to MY house (I owned a house 3 hours away). He begged me not to leave, and had his kids beg me not to leave. MY GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING? I stayed! So, the baby's born, I'm realizing that his kids are number one and I'm just a convenient nanny. MONSTERS! They lied to get me in trouble with my husband. They stole stuff from me on a regular basis. I GOT IN TROUBLE!!! Those little air vampires NEVER did anything wrong! Time passes....I had to drive clear out to Idaho (from NE Wyoming) to pick up kids #s 1 and 3. It was my bday, and hubby was elk hunting. Kid #1, 16 at the time, was given a LOT of money to buy me a bday present. Kid #1 took hundreds of dollars intended for me, and spent it on his girlfriend! I NEVER got a bday present.........He NEVER had to say sorry, pay the money back, be punished! I hear from hubby, if I bring it up, that I'm selfish and that I just can't let things go. Maybe, but by God, I'da gotten my ass whipped if I'da pulled a stunt like that! Kid #1 went through my personal horse tack and stole an expensive pair of silver stirrups. When I saw he had them, I told him to put them back. He told me **** you, Dad said I could. I confronted husband and he told me that since I wasn't using them, kid #1 could have them! Can you imagine being told **** You by a 16 year old punk? Kid 2 was teaching 3 year old daughter to say things to me.....things like "your not my mommy"....You're fat and ugly....I hate you, but I love S*****. When I confronted husband with this, he told me baby daughter was a liar and that kid #2 didn't do that. Husband told me to stop putting those ideas in baby daughter's head??? Who was lying? Was it me or baby daughter? Kid #2 ran away Senior year to live with the psycho mommy who hosted drug/booze parties for her. Daughter #2 stole a $200 dollar horse bit when she left. Hubby told me that she didn't take it and it was in the shed. I asked hubby to clean the shed and find it.........couldn't find it. Hubby asked kid #2 where the bit was and she lied and said she'd never seen it. She used it while she lived here, kid #2 told husband and I that she had it.....2 other said she has it.....no consequence. Kid #3 is ALWAYS moody. Treats me like **** whenever husband isn't around. Husband asks why I can't get along? Kid #4 has been in counseling for lying and stealing multiple times. Now is 15 years old, and still the same ****, different day. MY ENTIRE JEWLERY BOX IS GONE....ONLY KID #4 COULD HAVE ACCESSED IT....lies and says never seen it. If asked to do something, snotty, won't do it. Lazy! Won't tend own chores/dog lives on a chain and I feed it.
> 
> Husband has no expectations for these monsters. Kid #1 is now 22.....kid #2 is 20. Neither live with us. Both were telling #1's now mother in law and fiancee' all kinds of lies about me. Stuff like, I wouldn't let them alone with baby daughter, ever, because I was afraid they'd molest her.....I kept their father broke (even though he'd just bought kid #2 a new truck).....I wouldn't let them be alone with their father......so much, I just can't put it all on here. I had my fill. I told them to get lost, don't come back and stay the hell away from me and my little one. Husband told me to leave and never come back.
> 
> So, please enlighten me, why is it that I'm still here? Is it merely the fear of being alone at nearly 50? Of once again, starting over? Is it depression? I have 0 energy, don't give a rats ass if my house is a mess.......just my little one......that's all that matters (and my now 26yo). I was once a Deputy....and a Corrections Officer. Why does this man reduce me to tears so easily? He tells me often to leave. He tells me I'm a horrible, unfit mother. He tells me that my baby doesn't need me, or love me. He has NO time for me.....to help me....etc. A few years ago, a horse threw me and broke my back in 2 places. I wasn't supposed to pick anything up or be on my feet alot. NO HELP......NOT WITH TODDLER.....NOT WITH HOUSE CHORES....NOTHING.
> 
> Understand, I went into this with love for all of them. I went into this thinking I had not only found my prince charming, but a house full of kids that would be mine. I DID love them, all of them, but not now. Not now. I feel the deepest disgust for my husband....he's a spineless worm who doesn't even love those kids enough to tell them no. I feel contempt and hatered for those kids. If at 22 and 20 they don't know better then to lie and try and cause trouble, then I pray they die before they procreate.
> 
> It's hard to live with myself, sometimes....constantly hoping my husband will be killed out there on the ranch. Hoping that he won't make it back to the house and he'll be found dead, his head smashed on a rock. I would never do it, but I hope.....I pray.


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates

Oh I feel for you! What a horrible situation... and I too have have wished that on my husband! I always said when he was sitting in those bars many nights lying to me that he would smart of at the biggest guy and get his @ss whipped over and over! How can people be so miserable?
I would have to say of course your depressed... hell sounds better than with them! Your give a damn is busted and so has your spirit. It is very scary to start over... I am scared at 39. 
You have to really start putting away here and there, sale some things do whatever and give yourself a nestegg to start out comfortable. Just a small start can give you some ambition to get youself out of that place


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## Florida16

I am in a similar situation and have now left my husband due to his kids. When I first met my husband he had just gone through a nasty divorce where he lost everything including custody over his kids. I don't like kids and have not got any so after he heard that, he told me he had very litte contact with his which wasn't true but what he thought I wanted to hear. After he got my interest I learned the little contact he told me he had was 4-5 soccer games every week with the oldest kid. Concerts with the youngest kid, trips to the mall or ice skating with the youngest kid every w/end and other activities also took place. I understand that is what parents do with their kids but I am not a parent! I told him I was under the impression the contact he had with the kids was little. He then tried to work a schedule out with the kids and ex wife and things got a bit better. I then married my husband thinking we had solved the issues with the kids but then the ex wife started to expect my husband to drop everything whenever she said so which he did of course. Sleep overs were all of a sudden introduced at our house with the kids and they were very irregular which messed up our schedule. To cut a long story short I had to leave my husband and we are now getting a divorce because his kids and ex wife took over our marriage and he allowed it. I don't normally date guys with kids but since my husband told me he had very little contact with his I figured the kids wouldn't be a problem but I was wrong. I certainly learned my lesson and that is the last time I will get involved with a guy again who has kids.


preso said:


> I don't know how to let it go.
> It has really gotten worse in the last few months. I hate them so much My hands start to tremble and I shake all over in rage
> when I even think about them.
> 
> I just can not like them and have no more understanding or patience for them. They are the most immature, spoiled jerks I have ever heard about or known... far worse.
> 
> I can't seem to find a way to mentally/ emotionally deal with them anymore. I have tried and tried and tried to be fair, talk to them, guide them, and every possible way to make this right.
> 
> Its not me, its them and I just can't do it anymore. My husband either.


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## Kikie Jahn

Yeah...i can totally relate to all this. 

There was this one time I can't even stand the mere sight of them and their voices. I didnt have a clue where this came from. Worst, I thought this is the Cinderella stepmother's curse, and feeling so wicked just sinks me further in depression. 

I just wished they weren't in my life. 

But I guess, the first step we need to do to rid all this bad feelings is to accept it and not treat it as something 'bad'. In other words, we make room for our own wickedness. Its hard to explain why and trying to find out why is like a fast quicksand sucking us further into the dilemma trap. Love ourselves just for hating them. Pure hatred. 

How to love your stepkids


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## costa200

This thread explains why i wouldn't marry a woman with kids of her own. Not mine so no patience. Kids deserve better.

Regarding them being spoiled brats. There are very easy and fast approaches, when applied at the right time.


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## tacoma

costa200 said:


> Regarding them being spoiled brats. There are very easy and fast approaches, when applied at the right time.


Except for the fact that the step-parent has no say in what those approaches are, when or even IF they`re applied.

Lose/Lose situation


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## DiZ

preso said:


> I don't know how to let it go.
> It has really gotten worse in the last few months. I hate them so much My hands start to tremble and I shake all over in rage
> when I even think about them.
> 
> I just can not like them and have no more understanding or patience for them. They are the most immature, spoiled jerks I have ever heard about or known... far worse.
> 
> I can't seem to find a way to mentally/ emotionally deal with them anymore. I have tried and tried and tried to be fair, talk to them, guide them, and every possible way to make this right.
> 
> Its not me, its them and I just can't do it anymore. My husband either.


I am sorry you are going through this. How was it when you both were dating?

I know I would not be with my husband right now if his kids lived with us. Thank goodness they are both adults and are out of the house married with their own lives.

His son is very rude to me. He was ok with me in the beginning but now he apparently does not like me for some reason. His daughter is nice.

The problem we are having his my husband constantly puts down my kids in such a round about way that sometimes I wonder if I am the one who is wrong. His kids can do no fuc$ing wrong. I am sick of it.


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## costa200

tacoma said:


> Except for the fact that the step-parent has no say in what those approaches are, when or even IF they`re applied.
> 
> Lose/Lose situation


Then it's not a Step-Parent, only a Step...

Fitting name actually.


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## tacoma

costa200 said:


> Then it's not a Step-Parent, only a Step...
> 
> Fitting name actually.


Exactly but that in and of itself is not the step`s fault.

It always comes down to "Is it worth it?"

You can either attempt to parent and lose the family and marriage anyway (The lose/lose situation I mentioned)or you can just "step" and keep the marriage and hope for the best.


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## costa200

tacoma said:


> Exactly but that in and of itself is not the step`s fault.
> 
> It always comes down to "Is it worth it?"
> 
> You can either attempt to parent and lose the family and marriage anyway (The lose/lose situation I mentioned)or you can just "step" and keep the marriage and hope for the best.


Yeah, pretty rough situation.


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## wifenumber2

When I met my husband, he told me that the kids once they spent time with me and us together, would understand why what we have is right. The divorce was messy, my kids were fine with him, it's been 11 years and his kids range in age from 23-27. When you marry, you don't expect your spouse's child to steal from you and is not made to apologize to you, buy your 22 year old $250 pair of sunglasses or expect your spouse to spend $22K on a house for them that the business really couldn't afford. So when we enter into "the package" who really can predict what will happen. I am trying to act like the person I would like to be remembered as and be consistent. I am doing my best to wait this out as the youngest graduates in December. The kids are a source of strain on our marriage because he doesn't get that it shouldn't have to always cost an arm and a leg to love a child.


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## henryflower

I relate to all of this. I have two step kids. I absolutely love my step son (12) and cannot stand (in fact I do not like) my step daughter (18). It has been hard with my step daughter. She has never liekd me and in fact has gotten between me and my wife's marriage from the beginning. Now even having her in the house grates on me - she has stolen and pawned my iphone, and various other things - but is never punished. And if I say anything my wife gets very angry. It is hard when you don't agree with how someone raises their kid.


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## Brynn

finallyawake said:


> For everyone out there who thinks that it's soooo easy to accept their spouses children...please let me remind you of something...remember when the relationship was new?...remember a time when you didn't have to worry about the welfare of the child/children...when it was just you and your mate planning your life together? Ah yes, meeting another persons child/children and thinking, "hey he or she isn't so bad, I could parent them", is MUCH different then ACTUALLY having to do it day in and day out...
> 
> I too thought that I could help raise two children that were not mine...but then comes the custody fights...here comes the extra expense because the other parent won't help with anything...and after all you do here comes the "you're not my mom" crap and "I dont have to listen to you"....really?
> 
> You start to resent them, you have no real control over anything, and everything you work for is for two little people who drive you crazy. It ruined my marriage - RUINED IT!
> 
> So I don't care to raise other peoples childern....never again! I laugh when people say it's a "package deal" or "love them as their own"....do you know how crazy that sounds? Like I told my ex just the other day..."you know, I didn't get with you because you have two cute kids...I got with you because I loved you. To me they are not part of the deal."
> 
> I have the right to feel that way, I have the right to expect time with my mate at the emd of the day, I have the right to bank my money instead of spending it on children that I did not create...you may say, then you have the right to not be with anyone who has kids...but then I say to you...I have the right to expect that an adult will take care of their responsiblities...and understand that I am NOT a sub for the bio parent...



:iagree::iagree:

Nothing easy about accepting a "package deal" when you did not truly know what it was like to raise/influence kids. The man I married becomes a completely DIFFERENT PERSON when his kids are around - thankfully a 50% custody situation - "Um...who are you?". Its exhausting. 

I wonder what was the last straw for you?


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## Corpuswife

I think that if my kids were younger I would have waited to begin a serious relationship (living together or marriage). 

It's such a fragile thing..combining families. My fiance stated that it may not be realistic to avoid serious relationships. I don't know.

Kids come first but if your married, I believe that the marriage relationship needs to be promoted in the first position but not ALWAYS in that order. Kids don't need to be the center of our lives. I used to think that....my bad. I love and adore my kids but making them my center took away from my marriage/self. In addition, my now young adults have led a self centered life. My son is growing out of this (big wake up call)....my daughter is still in the midst.


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## in my tree

jenpier said:


> You're not alone.
> 
> - I hate my stepson



wow - I just read all of that. Aside from you being a very resilient person, I don't know how you have put up with that. Is there any hope of him being out of the house soon or would your hubby even consider making some sort of demands of him? Stupid question?


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## Needhelp911

I'm a step mom and stories like this remind me of the fairy tale stories like snow white and how the step mother is painted as evil and wicked. In reality the step mother is not evil, but the mother of the children is JEALOUS of both the husband and the children. So the mother usually finds things to complain about, tries to interrogate the kids and find any small negative thing like the step mother saying no you can't ride bike in street, turn the child on the step mother and if the father doesn't go along with everything then she'll turn the kids on the father. 

It's all out of jealousy and most of the time the children and teenagers are not feeling this way but are forced to because the mom will feel like the kids are "choosing" the new family, the step mom, or the dad over her. 

J E A L O U S Y

Is the main motive behind situations like these, where the step mother genuinely loves the child and has never done anything to jeopardize the relationship with child. 

I have also experienced this. I knew the entire time my step daughter loved me, but when her mother got out of jail my step daughter changed. The mother once told me "I talk so much crap about you to my daughter but she continues to stick up for you. "

Eventually, the child changed. She could never say she enjoyed being with us because the mother would make her feel bad and think that saying she had a good time with us was saying that she like us more. 

Which is not the case. 

Eventually the child would act like she was miserable even if we went to 6 flags. Because that's what was expected of her from her mother. She would be punished for showing us and anyone else her joy. We were always worried that step daughter was said. Did everything to possibly make her happy. Buy tons of things take her to magnificent places but she was never happy with it and that's exactly what the mother wanted. 

Now that step daughter is not under the mothers spell whenever she talks about six flags or going on cruise she says it was one of the best times I her life. When I hear her talk about it now I know the real reason she didn't express her joy while she was with us because she would have to go home and face her mothers interrogations. 

Mothers that do this to their children or selfish. And jealous and insecure. 

When my child was born we bought step daughter $400-500 worth of clothes and gave it to the mother of course the mother didnt tell the child where the clothes came from shortly afterwards we went to the mall and My husband bought step daughter a doll and my child shoes. When she went home the mother called the phone 20 time yelling on the voicemail about why husband bought piece of crap infant shoes

So she was interrogating her daughter as well

Now we have custody and all of that is behind us but for a while my step daughter was under her mothers control so much I thought that she would hurt my child. I was a bit paranoid. 

My step daughter and I has a great relationship she is now 14 years old and we have talked a lot. She told me all of them years her mother would beat her to make her tell her everything that went on in my house even locking her in the closet. She said that every time she said she had a goodtimethat her mother would become upset and sad and that she felt like she had to feel like her mother or her mother would feel like the step daughter was choosing. 

Naturally kids are very innocent and can feel people out. 

It's sad the the mother or father puts the child in the middle by mentally abusing them. 

I remember at one point she made step daughter very materialistic telling her to only come over to ask for very expensive things and if we didn't get her every thing she asked then that meant we didn't love her as much as we loved my child. 

Again the mother brainwashes the child and creates jealousy and competition in the child. We never compare my step daughter to my child we just let them be. 

But mother is always trying to get between everyone's relationship. 

There would be no reason for step daughter to feel jealous we would give her all of the attention even at one point neglecting my child. 

Again this is what the mother wanted. The mother wanted us to buy everything under the moon and stars for her child, but wanted child to never say she was happy or satisfied in fact wanted child to want more and say things were never good enough. She wanted her child to be favored and mine to be neglected. Eventually I realized that mother was pretty much controlling our actions and her daughters. 

Now that's all stopped because step daughter is in our care. 

Anyway I always thought it was important to treat both children equally and to never compare a positive in one child to a negative in the other child. But we always compare positives to each child for example. We would say oh my goodness you use to take off one sock when you were little too! You both are so much a like. Or oh my you both looked just like your father at the same age. 

We do this so they can both feel the blood bond between them. They always smile and laugh when we do this. And thhm they start copying each other to be even more alike or have more in common. 

Just remember, if the child didn't have their mother telling them negative things and if the mother came from a more positive place you would probably feel totally different. 

But some people allow jealousy to take over their hearts and most likely these kids probably hear there mother talking tons of crap so they feel like they have to protect her and take sides. Once they get a certain age things will change.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Xtina

Versaillon said:


> God, couldn't have said it better myself. If I knew then, what I know now... I'd never have married my husband. Would have run a million miles in the other direction but.. we don't control who we fall in love with.


You are absolutely right. I am madly in love with my new boyfriend. He is beyond amazing and I couldn't ask for a better man. That said, I can't stand his 2 little boys. I have one of my own, so getting into the relationship I thought I would tolerate them easily. NOPE. Can't stand the little brats. My BF bends over backwards to give them whatever they want. Snack after snack. blah blah blah barf. I am torn because I am so in love with this man but I don't feel like I have to love his kids. It's to the point where I want to run the other way, because after reading these forums, it doesn't sound like it's going to get better. There will always be resentment and drama with their moms. It's a sad sad world.


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## Nimmzy68

I can completly relate. I have 3 spoiled. disrespecful step children ranging from 15 to 21. I wish I had words that would help you. If your situations i like mine you have no help from your husband and it feels like it them against you.. Im so sorry and feel for you. Im looking for answers myself. My husband works off shore and i should look forward to him coming home but it just gets worse and worse. He has his kids when he is home and now the 17 y/o is pregnant so you can imagine it is worse now so i almost dread him coming home because ill have to deal with the kids. Im ecpected to through a baby shower for my step daughter who has been a little snot to me over our 2 years of marrige. Sadly my mom has terminal caner so im relocated to her home that she has put in my name ( she is leaving it to me) its really sad that i have more peace being here. Its only 45 min from our other home where they live and i hardly see my hubby and time alone with him , well thats just lost unless he comes to see me why my stepkids are in School. I wish you much luck and pray for women like us in this situation. we need to lean on one another sadly because we do not get what we need from our husbands,.


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## Nimmzy68

I must add that i was lied to about the work my husband was willing to put into helping me help my step kids grow into more respectful, prepared for the the adult world to come. He said that part of the reason he married me because he saw how i parented my kids who were grown when we married,but he saw the product of my parenting and knew it would be a good thing for his kids to have in their lives but when i put forth the effort he wanted he decided it needed to be done his way.His way was the reason this children had the habits and behavior they had along with their mothers help. I love my stepkids but at that point i decided it was best if i butted out. that still didnt make my husband happy, When is decided i couldnt win for lossing , as hard as it was because i knew these kids i love would sufffer for it I just has to quietly slide out of the middle of their madness. Their parents made this mess so they have to deal with it. Im here to give positive reward verbally for positive behavior by telling them im proud of them and am always there if a emegency arises but im not going to be a part of the problem or involve myself in the maddnes,,,


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## Michael A. Brown

It is really quite difficult to deal with these kids on these ages. Just have patience in handling them.


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