# What is wrong with me?!



## joslin (Dec 14, 2014)

I'm trying to be happy. I'm just not. Just had a birthday and I think that the realization that I'm not where I want to be in life and in love hit me like a ton of bricks. I refuse to be selfish and do anything about my unhappiness other than work hard at school, and to be the best version of myself in attempt to bring back my happiness. It's not his job, or his fault anyway, right? I love my kids and don't want to uproot their lives, but this is my life too. Ugh, no one ever talks about the boring. The good yes, the bad yes, but never the boring standstill that can make you wanna just run through the streets streaking. Ah well! Such is life, just needed to rant a bit.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Have you tried some things that you find exciting. Like learning to ride a bike, skydiving, rafting, doing something new, go somewhere new. Have you asked your husband if you can tie him up and have your way with him? Do something that breaks the cycle. Find friends or family to babysit, while you plan a wicked evening of fun.

What are the issues you have in your marriage?


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## joslin (Dec 14, 2014)

Our evenings are not an issue!! But yes I think a hobby is in order. A trip or something. But we lack a real support system for help with the kids. Hard to do these things together.


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## joslin (Dec 14, 2014)

Our think our main issue is individuality. I feel like I have no identity. I know this is common with mom/wives. Especially they stay at home ones!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Well, twice a month, or whatever your preference, have him look after the kids while you go and decompress. hang out with friends or seek a hobby. In return, he gets two days to decompress. You may have to find a babysitter to look after the children while you have couple time. You need about 15 hours a week. Put the kids to bed early, just spend that time being intimate. Talk and stay connected. If this is not currently possible, seek a way to change the situation where there is balance in your life.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

Sometimes you have to be selfish. I call this time of day me - time. If you jealously guard this selfish me - time then the other time when you are devoted to meeting everyone else's needs will be more productive because you know you can look forward to your own me - time later.


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## joslin (Dec 14, 2014)

Two hours a week would be nice. He has issues with his phone when we do have alone time. And yes he is aware I hate this!! Not a call for separation, but still how can we have any time together if when the kids are finally down he is on his phone?!


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

We have no support network either. I took up something that I could do in the house, after the kids had gone to bed. I had a little area set up in the basement for it, and it was my me-time. 

What are your interests?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

joslin said:


> Two hours a week would be nice. He has issues with his phone when we do have alone time. And yes he is aware I hate this!! Not a call for separation, but still how can we have any time together if when the kids are finally down he is on his phone?!



You have to make it a rule. Ask him how can you try and create a connection if there are distractions. Ask him how can he focus completely on you when his focus is divided. If he doesn't agree, you disengage until he changes his behavior or until he is ready to discuss it. Focus on other things that make you happy because you will only get angry. You have to remove yourself from that situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joslin said:


> Two hours a week would be nice. He has issues with his phone when we do have alone time. And yes he is aware I hate this!! Not a call for separation, but still how can we have any time together if when the kids are finally down he is on his phone?!


Who is he on his phone with?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Check out Find your people - Meetup It's a site where people/groups post things going in the area.

Here where I live, there are thinks like play groups where mothers get together with their children.. the children play and the mothers socialize. Then there are groups for kayaking, hiking, book clubs, knitting groups... just about anything you can think of.

Find some things you like and go do them.. some with your kids and some by yourself.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

joslin said:


> Our think our main issue is individuality. I feel like I have no identity. I know this is common with mom/wives. Especially they stay at home ones!


Really? hacks me off when my wife came out with this, it's the same for guys we are hubby daddy and job description but just get on with it, get a hobby join a pottery class or whatever gives you a couple of hours a week to express yourself and dont forget your partner maybe would like time after work kids and even you to do likewise


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