# Setting boundaries



## volley (Aug 24, 2013)

Because of the way my whole divorce process is going I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations on how to set boundaries with a STBX. I have been having problems with my STBXH wanting to discuss things in person and I feel that when we do that he manipulates me. We have an 18 month old together and right now I have primary placement. He was not really in my son's life for about 6 months but 2 weeks before mediation he had a change of heart (more like I don't want to pay child support). We could not come to an agreement in mediation and will be having a guardian ad litem but until then we need to come to an agreement for his visitation.
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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*See what standard Wisconsin custody law recommends or dictates, and then set your boundaries accordingly from there!*


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

I will not discuss custody arrangements with my XW on the phone or in person. Email only -- that way there is a written record.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

IronWine29 said:


> I will not discuss custody arrangements with my XW on the phone or in person. Email only -- that way there is a written record.


*Do it through your attorneys. It's much safer that way!*


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

My best friend only discussed things with her XH via email. She had a lot on record regarding child custody that she used in court to her advantage.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

In Wisconsin, if you got primary placement via the temp order he will have a tough time ever getting that changed. Much of what gets put into the temp order stays for the final unless there are extraordinary reasons. Not to start a gender fight but Wisconsin almost always sides with the woman in regards to placements and child support if no agreement can be reached. 

Wisconsin child support agency in general is about the worst government agency to deal with. I don’t have children but I do payroll at our company and have to deal with them for the garnishments etc. You have been married long enough probably to qualify for family support payments which combines alimony and child support. 

While Wisconsin is no fault, Wisconsin will take into account why the divorce is happening for figuring child custody and support. They toss that under the ever popular “other relevant factors” 

Mediation in general is cheaper than fighting in court or having lawyers fight it out amongst themselves but while the court recommends mediation you don’t have to agree and they cant force you into using it. In Wisconsin you are in the drivers seat and he knows it. You want him to be punished for breaking the marriage up, the child support agency will be his nightmare for the next 17 years.


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## volley (Aug 24, 2013)

I have kept communication with my STBXH to a minimum and regarding our son only. I don't need to know about anything else anymore. I have been keeping track of what time he picks up and drops off our son. I did offer my STBX to come to our son's upcoming 18 month well child exam. I hope I did not make a mistake in doing so, but I figure if he has any questions regarding our son he can ask the doctor directly. I am trying to do things the right way and stay true to myself. I hope that staying true to myself doesn't back fire on me.
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