# Help needed, I'm messed up mentally.



## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

Married 6yrs. The first two we were sex fiends, anything went, wild sex. We couldn't wait to taste each other and have sex everywhere. Now the last three years it has gradually twisted and morphed into something ugly and unrewarding. 
I enjoy oral sex, giving and receiving. I thought she used to too. She even wanted me to cum in her mouth each time, I'd even be awoken by her giving me head and deep throating me. I noticed that my wife just gradually quite offering and wanting to do it then eventually quite granting my pleas. My last BJ was a year ago on my birthday. I could tell and see her face grimace when I asked for one and she painfully obliged. This turned me off so much that I quit asking. I never came in her mouth unless she wanted me to or ever ask her do anything other than suck. Now she grimaces or turns her head when she has to touch my ****. I have to take her hand and put it on my ****. I finally quite that too because it was belittling me. 
Yet she always wants me to give her head until she cums. She knew how much I like her shaven, or at least trim it up some. She gradually let it grow long and bushy. 
Now when she wants sex she has me massage her all over and waits for me to get hard by myself without her or me touching my penis once. And expects me to ravish her til she comes. Well for the past two years without oral sex before sex or being touched i cant even get a erection and when i do manage it goes away after I go inside her because of two things. She doesn't touch me and I'm turned off by her lack of interest and foreplay. However, when i master-bate i have no problem getting hard and staying hard indefinately with no ED pills. She told me the other night after i couldn't get hard, to man up! It's not her fault I cant get it up, she said. 
So i started taking ED pills.This solved the problem of getting hard immediately and staying hard inside her (even sometimes this didn't help because mentally I was turned off) but then i couldn't cum. So, i started "pre master-bating" each morning. Jacking off to the point of cumming then stopping. I would do this multiple times each day before sex. 
Then the opposite began happening I was too horny. I was so horny all my wife had to do was, as she normally does, lay there and expect me to get hard climb on top and make love to her. However, i was so worked up I was premature, like one minute or sometimes 10seconds. This angers her and i really don't know how she is cumming now or how to fix this problem. Maybe she's committing infidelity I don't know, I doubt that but I know she is cumming some how, some where. Maybe shes master-bating, or lesbian, heck im so confused and messed up.
I know she loves me but I think maybe she has never had to work at sex, always been the receiver in bed. She is very attractive and well built. 
Im totally mad and to the point of leaving this marriage. Ive told her for years that all she does is lay there and expect me to get hard and screw her. I told her you "you treat my **** like a disease, you dont touch me then when i cant perform you yell at me accuse me of jacking off behind your back, or infidelity". All i want and have asked her to do is treat me like i treat you. Touch me, act like you want me, go down on me like you mean it. At least pretend to like giving me head. Try different positions than the same ol two for 5.5yrs now. I just dont know what to do, i feel like she or me is going to commit adultery just to please our missing desires. I know Im geting weak knowing what I'm missing. Really, I'd rather jack off than make love to my wife because it's that boring and un-rewarding. I'm a 44yr old athlete or is in better shape than most men half my age. 
I know she must be as dis pleased as I am because what about the days she doesn't cum due to this issue? I know she must want satisfaction from a man who can last more than a minute or not go limp inside her, it's either two of the extremes. I'm getting to the point to where I don't care and want to avoid sex. I miss really good sex. 
I love her and want to do anything to please her. What can i do to help us, how can I change, or change her/me. How can I discuss this differently than I already have? 
Important history: She is a former addict that has been recovered for, you guessed it three years. While she was in rehab and we were separated because of her addiction, I received a BJ from a hooker a friend bought me. 
I confessed to the act, there was no intercourse or kissing. After we got back together and she was out of rehab for the sixth time, I had all the testimonies of her cheating on me at her workplace but other than people talking I had no proof other than a gut feeling and her stories that didn't add up. I'm 85% sure she did cheat on me and got pregnant from another man. Before I could get a DNA test we lost the baby to a miscarriage, I'll never know. The time of conception would have been the exact week that the creep's wife was out of state for a week. I met him eye to eye and he denied it. I have given up trying to convince myself she didn't do it and it wasn't my baby, i have let it go and forgiven anyways. She is clean and sober and we have a happy, stable family now drug and alcohol free for three years. Sorry for the ramble. thanks


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