# How Cold?



## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

How is it that someone can just be so selfish and coldhearted? I'm not a stupid person and I know I shared love, companionship and many good times with this individual. 
How can someone just up and leave and not worry about the other's person's well being? It just boggles my mind. I mean I'm really struggling with this. I'm no dummy and see people do the most horrible things to others, but NEVER, ever did I think it would come from someone I brought into my life. 
DAMN! :scratchhead: I just don't get it!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I don't get it either.
(((Hugs)))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Me either. When he asked for the divorce, he never even changed how he behaved towards me the day before it or the day after. Now of course he's changing a lot because he wants to leave...I have to let him.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yes I have asked this question myself over and over and I know I will never get the answer.It's a mystery .
My husband was/is the most kind thing I have ever seen,for the 10 years together he never raised his voice on me,never heard him being mean to anyone,,,just nice calm person,very romantic always thoughtful.
Not after he dumped me,I couldn't believe his change,so brutal ,so cold hearted,so mean ... and you would think I have done something awful to him.

I love him more than anything on this earth ,he himself has told me that he knows I love him and care for him more than his own family...and yet...he turned against me and hurt me so much...I know he will never know how much pain I have endured,they just have no clue. I have never thought that pain like that existed.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

well, I almost succeeded in ending myself, the next day she left for a weeks holiday, got back and gave me the news. 
Wanna know how cold hearted someone can be....


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I sympathize with your exact sentiments. EXACTLY. I will always wonder this. Makes me so sad. How can I give so much of myself to someone and still have unconditional love for them, and they treat me like this. SO much anger and resentment towards me for wanting to know the truth. And all I get is coldness...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think we can all relate to this. 

Heart, it's said the waywards or hte one leaving have thought about it for awhile before it happens so while you are blind-sided and left picking up the pieces of your life, they have already moved on/have a head start on it and are already far removed.

Either way, good riddance! 

This is an opportunity for you though. It may not seem like it but he is doing you a huge favor!


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

I think it's because they weren't really the person we thought they were Heartbroken007.

No normal person changes that quickly, they've been living a lie and the real them finally came out. (catching us completly off gaurd).

They think the little hints and words they said were enough to get us on their level but if that were true so many of us wouldn't have felt blindsided!

I think the cold-hearted person we're dealing with now is their way of not slipping back into being a phoney, can't really blame them I guess.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Wrench said:


> I think it's because they weren't really the person we thought they were Heartbroken007.
> 
> No normal person changes that quickly, they've been living a lie and the real them finally came out. (catching us completly off gaurd).
> 
> ...


Interesting way to think of it, wrench. I don't think I'll ever know the real person I married. I just keep asking myself, "Who is this man?"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wrench said:


> I think the cold-hearted person we're dealing with now is their way of not slipping back into being a phoney, can't really blame them I guess.


It's the "scorched earth" mentality.

I've also thought it has to do w/ the fact they were probably never emotionally vested and/or as attached as the one left behind was. That is a hard thing to come to terms w/ but I believe it, personally.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Interesting way to think of it, wrench. I don't think I'll ever know the real person I married. I just keep asking myself, "Who is this man?"


I've finally got my wife to talk about it, some people can't ever really be honest about their feelings. I'm forcing her to now, I can't believe how differently we see the last 16 years! She's far more emotionally damaged than I could have ever guessed.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It's the "scorched earth" mentality.
> 
> I've also thought it has to do w/ the fact they were probably never emotionally vested and/or as attached as the one left behind was. That is a hard thing to come to terms w/ but I believe it, personally.


I don't know what the scorched earth mentality is but you're right about them not being as emotionally vested as the other person. We assume "love" means the same thing to our spouse as it does to us.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Exactly. 

It's sad too whe you think you said vows w/ someone and really meant to love them and stick with them no matter what...and this other person just...walks away from that.

This is why I seriously doubt Id ever get married again. It's just words to me now. Pretty words.

Someone posted a "What does 'For Better or Worse' mean to you" in another thread on this site and I was thinking, to me it doesn't really mean anything anymore. I know that sounds jaded and cynical but in my own personal experience, those words didn't mean jack. They were just some words said at a ceremony that carried no weight. I think, what's the point of marrrying if you are just going to walk away from it all and get a divorce? I think back on my wedding day and it seems like such a mockery.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

Me too, I gave everything I had to the wrong person. I guess that explains the pedistal I put her on for 16 years.:slap:


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah "for better or for worse"didn't mean much to me too...just words BUT the fact that I'm married meant exactly that.Even If I didn't have to have a ceremony and say these words... it would mean exactly that to me ...that I will be with this person for better or for worse. Of course if he was an abuser "the worse" wouldn't apply BUT in general I believe in a marriage and i always believed that if a man can't handle a woman than he can't handle any woman and vise versa .
In ever marriage/relationship there will be baggage,there will be something that the other person does that you dont like,you have to learn to tolerate .If you don't learn to accept the person for who he/she is than the relationship will be doomed.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

vivea said:


> i always believed that if a man can't handle a woman than he can't handle any woman and vise versa


LOL 

My ex once said to me "If it doesn't work out w/ you, it's not going to work out with any stupid b-tch." His words. He still wanted the divorce though. Bananas.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL
> 
> My ex once said to me "If it doesn't work out w/ you, it's not going to work out with any stupid b-tch." His words. He still wanted the divorce though. Bananas.


Wow, nice. Does he have issues with respecting women? Goodness! At least he's in touch with the fact that he can't handle women. 

My H has said that if we ever divorced he wouldn't marry again. But I think they all say that. I'll marry again and I'd have some man's baby if he wanted one. New life for me. He, however, had a vasectomy, so it won't be as easy for him. :rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah he threw that term around loosely, actually, Lonely. I never liked that but he def would speak that way in normal conversation. Read up on my "I did it" thread in the Infidelity forum if you want my whole story. 

Oh my ex also said he'd never remarry, he also said he'd never cheat, that he'd not do a lot of things...but..he lied.

LOL @ the vasectomy!


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Hi all, I know every situation is different, sh*t there are moments
When I want W back but seemingly less and less. She moved
out with my son, we are good friends, talk briefly maybe twice
a week and maybe dinner or a lunch from time to time. I'm 
being selfish with my happiness, choosing it to share with
myself mostly. I am human and have feelings, I was badly hurt.
Back off a whole lot, dont discuss the relationship, it's
completely a lost cause, all thoses things like, what if? Do you
think? What about? Should we? For the sake of your freaking
Self respect, dignity and self confidence, why the heck would
anyone want to hurt themselves when you can be your best
Friend, damn it's all you got now, We as humans will 
no matter what always expect a resolution, well i'm gonna
give you one, go look in the mirror, there's your resolution, 
your reason right there before your eye's, grab it and make
your life one filled with happiness, there is love beyond the
Blindfold of desperation, with W or with someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> New life for me. He, however, had a vasectomy, so it won't be as easy for him.


H. had a vasectomy as well ...last year.He does not want any more kids,he actually didn't want a second one but it happened. I was thinking the same...good luck with finding an attractive young woman that wouldn't want to have kids .Yes he would probably find someone short term and if it gets serious and they find out...good luck with that.


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