# Needing Male Advice



## Render (Apr 18, 2010)

I am very pretty, not beautiful. I am curvy and voluptuous, not thin. But I am kind, nurturing, giving, open minded, sexy, sensual, and loving. I married one year ago to a younger man. I enjoy sex, am open minded, and love passion, teasing, foreplay, and sexual adventure with my partner. I'd prefer to have sex everyday, if not multiple times a day. So far, in our first year of marriage, my husband has only had sex with me 1-2 times PER MONTH, and ONLY in the missionary position or with me on top. Also, despite the fact that I am clean, smooth (waxed), and baby soft down there, he has never had oral sex with me, although I perform oral sex on him. I have offered him anything he desires sexually, attempting to entice him into adventure. Yesterday I sat on the counter in our hotel room in a robe, no panties, legs spread just enough to see a little, the edges of the robe open enough to show half of my breasts including the edges of my nipples. I took a shower with him. Still, no sex. I have tried to get him to have fun with different positions, locations, watch porn together, role play, use toys ... you name it, I've tried it. I get no response. Ironically, he watches porn with women in it who look just like me - older, voluptuous ... but it seems that he only wants to watch other men have sex with women like me, not to have sex with his wife who is dying to make love to him in the most sensual and erotic ways. Last night I slept nude with him, and he did not touch me. Other men I have been with still want to have sexual relations with me, so it is not that I am unattractive. Many of my lovers have said I was the most passionate lover they have ever had. Is my husband gay? What should I do? Everyday I get a little sadder and a little lonelier. Last night I had a dream that I caught my husband in bed with another man. When I approached them (in my dream), he got angry. In my dream, he had bite marks on his neck and chest from the man he was with. Any sincere advice or opinions would be appreciated.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Wow Render, what a sad story. I continue to marvel how people with high sex drives continue to get paired to people with low sex drives. I could understand if you met young and you had nothing to compare your partner to, or if you had abstained from sex prior to marriage, but in your situation neither of these appear to be the case. I'm just judging from the contents of your post, and if I am wrong I apologize, but how "frisky" was he before you married? Garbage in is generally garbage out.

You are newlyweds, so this is as likely as good as it gets sexually Render. It hurts to be rejected, but remember just because you are rejected it doesn't mean the problem is with you. What amazes me is that you yourself suggested that your husband is gay. That is an usual accusation for a wife to make. What else makes you think that? I'm sorry, but dreams don't count as evidence.

I feel for you here Render. Intimacy is the primary thing that makes a marriage different than any other relationship you can have with anyone else. I could live a thousand years and never understand why a partner would "cut off" a spouse who is honoring all of their marital commitments. That being said I would just share with him how sad this continual rejection makes you feel, and how as his wife you just want to demonstrate your love for him. If that doesn't work; he's either incredibly selfish, gay, or needs his legs [email protected]

LIL


----------



## Render (Apr 18, 2010)

Thanks, LIL, for that validation. Not sure what will happen but just know I don't want to spend a life without intimacy.


----------



## Render (Apr 18, 2010)

He did not believe in sex before marriage, but we did have it one time before marriage, and it was really great. Maybe 3-4 times since our marriage about a year ago he has done something erotic and exciting, and I've always responded positively and encouraged him and told him how much I appreciated it. I've tried not showing an interest, I've tried showing an interest. I have talked to him about it repeatedly. He always promises but never follows through. He always has an excuse. He watches porn, but ignores the real woman at his side. I can't imagine continuing to live without intimacy. I don't know what to do. Today it's "stress" but other days it is something else. The point is, it is always something, and I feel rejected and hurt, not to mention lonely and frustrated, and even tempted to have an affair. I know that's horrible, but I can't imagine an entire life without physical intimacy. Sex is part of marriage. We even saw a counselor who confirmed how important it was, and how it does hurt me to know he looks at other women and porn online but does not touch me. What should I do? What can I do? I think intimacy is something you can use to reduce stress, rekindle emotion, and maintain a healthy, happy life. If you avoid it for every problem in your life, you will NEVER have sex, because life is never perfect. What do I do?


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Render said:


> I can't imagine an entire life without physical intimacy. Sex is part of marriage. We even saw a counselor who confirmed how important it was, and how it does hurt me to know he looks at other women and porn online but does not touch me. What should I do? What can I do? I think intimacy is something you can use to reduce stress, rekindle emotion, and maintain a healthy, happy life. If you avoid it for every problem in your life, you will NEVER have sex, because life is never perfect. What do I do?


 This is why "good people" fall into affairs. Hell, he is having an affair with porn every day. What he is doing is WRONG. 

Too late for an annulment ? He is NOT as husband, but a roommate.

Sorry, I am not a male, just thought I would give my 2 cents anyway.


----------



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well you did say he was the type to wait for sex till marriage , maybe your experience cripples him. Maybe he isn't ready for it. Have you ever watched the porn he is viewing ? Is there any other part of your marriage or daily grind that is suffering ? 

I'm asking these questions because I was in your same boat. But my W had done a whole bunch more then me and wouldn't let any of my fantasies come true because it was the been there done that and don't want to go back attitude.


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is why "good people" fall into affairs. Hell, he is having an affair with porn every day. What he is doing is WRONG.
> 
> Too late for an annulment ? He is NOT as husband, but a roommate.
> 
> Sorry, I am not a male, just thought I would give my 2 cents anyway.


:iagree:
I am a male and I agree. Just to be sure you could send that pic of you on the counter for validation!!! k sorry for the tease.
Back to seriousness.... only one year in. If you cant communicate effectively you're merely killing time and chipping away at your heart....till you get that intimacy somewhere else, leave him or both.
Get agrreement to work on this IMMEDATLY or look into annulment. This btw is why im NOT a big fan of waiting until your married to discover what the physical part of your relationship will be like.


----------



## Render (Apr 18, 2010)

Wife: This morning he says I am close minded because I don't want him looking at dating and marriage sites. I don't mind if he looks at porn, but I draw the line at dating and marriage sites. We just started going to a counselor. I know his habit of looking at these sites (he masturbates to them) is a major factor in our lack of sex life. told him if he refuses to stop looking at these sites, I will leave him, and I will. It has nothing to do with an open mind, and I can't imagine many wives out there who would welcome his behavior. He justifies his hurtful behavior by saying I am close minded by not wanting my HUSBAND on dating on marriage and dating sites.

Husband: I don't like talking much. The reason my wife is "close minded" is because she doesn't want me to go on dating and marriage sites, but I'm JUST LOOKING, NOTHING INTENTIONAL and SIMPLY CURIOUS and she should not be bothered. If she was open minded, this wouldn't bother her, and it wouldn't bother any open minded wife. Any 21st century woman will agree with this, but my wife is a baby boomer and baby boomers are close minded.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm not a guy but I've been following your threads. Your husband is having some serious problems. You are in couples therapy, which is great but unless he admits that he has a problem and is prepared to deal with it and fix it then it won't be easy. In fact, it'll be impossible. It sounds like he's in need of some therapy and perhaps some medical attention himself. This is not the way a man who is newly married should be acting. 

You are 41 years old and aren't going to live forever. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? To grow old with? What I've read about his antics aren't encouraging for a long lasting and committed relationship. You have some hard decisions to make.


----------



## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

I am a husband and had problems there as well. And to be honest, whatever your husband invests his time into is what is going to have his interest. So if you allow the behavior, then expect the results. 
Now, could he be looking for a third? Ask him. Something is wrong if he is watching porn and not taking you. Maybe he has a fantasy that embarrasses him. Tell him to allow you to masturbate him. Whatever, but he needs to start investing in you, or tell him, you have to invest somewhere else.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Not having sex with you despite you trying and him looking at dating websites in your face is just epic fail for newlyweds. Bad decision marrying him unfortunately. I'd move on.


----------

