# husband says loves me but not in love



## wifeneedsadvice (Jun 17, 2011)

My husband of 3 years recently told me he isn't in love with me. He can't/won't tell me why or what happened. He just says he doesn't feel "it" anymore. He is opposed to the idea of counseling. He says he doesn't know what to do - stay together and work it out or separate. He thinks if we separate he will miss me and get the feeling back. Currently he refuses to do anything with me, from a date night to sitting in the same room. He does find time to play softball and drink with his buddies. When he goes to softball games and practices (3 times a week) he leaves at 5 or 6 pm and come home around 11 drunk.
He tells me this is the only time he gets to have fun and he drinks so much because he know what he has to come home to. He tells me he is depressed because of me. He says he loves me but can't stand our relationship. I'm sitting in limbo waiting for him to decide if we should work it out or spend time apart. We have one child together and two children from his previous marriage that live with us full time. 
I have asked my husband to go to counseling with me. I have tried to give him his space. When he come home he goes straight to the bedroom for the rest of the evening and I now don't go in there and try to get him to talk to me. I have been taking more time for myself and spending more time with close friends so that he doesn’t feel I’m always around.
I'm not sure what I should do keep trying to keep our family together or make the decision myself to leave. Any advice?


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## FL. GUY (Jun 10, 2011)

Well i am kinda in the same boat you are in. My wife and i separated 2 and a half months ago and i am just now getting to the point where i really have to just say it is what it is. Now for the past week and her b day was mon (which i didnt get her anything) i think maybe she has started to look at things a little more differently. I dont know for a fact though. I m not sure if living together is the best idea as he really does not have time to miss you. My wife and i have been together for 13 yrs and i hope and pray that this time away will let her miss me. Good luck


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Check phone logs for texts and calls to a number you don't recognize. Check emails. 10:1 he is involved with another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop waiting for him. Let him go. Don't pursuehim.
Tell him you're been thinking a lot about what he's said and you also don't like your relationship as-is: limbo... that you ahve decided you won't stay in this static hold anymore but if he's willing to give it 100%, you are down with that and list what you'd require for a reconciliation to happen.

It's possible he's having an affair. All the signs are there. But also, he could just feel ready to bre out of this relationship.

Take your power back. Never ever chase after someone who's running away from you. Protect yourself.

He's doing the classic wayward move/script... "I don't love you, I don't like our relationship, I want a separation ... but I'm not sure what to do and I'm not sure whether I want to be with you."

He is just going to drag it out if you let him. So don't let him.

Oh and one last thing: if he wants out, he leaves. You don't. Don't uproot your living space just because he decided he's not sure if he wants to be married anymore.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

OP what you describe isn't someone falling out of love with you. You're describing someone who's got someone or something better to go to. He really doesn't like your company at all.

As far as his out of control drinking is concerned, don't even listen to 3 seconds of him blaming you. That is 1 billion percent never your fault. Ever.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

My bet is there is someone else. All the signs are there.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

And you are taking this emotional abuse because?

Girl! Your stronger than this! I bet you were super independent before you got married, and now you bend to his whims, trying to make him "feel it". Marriage is giving 100 percent to each other. That means him too! He seems to be acting like a selfish child right now. Especially with three kids in the house. 

And don't buy that crap about his drinking being your fault. That's petty on his part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I went through 7 months of indecision, it is not a nice place to be. Now separated, not uncomplicated, but it is better than the atmosphere that was my home.

BTW there was another woman. I should have know as have been through this before-so be aware this might be the case. Good luck with what you decide to do.


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