# Men who have daughters has your opinions changed?



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I was reading something here the other day but can't find the comment. The root of it was that you, a man, wouldn't feel such a way if you had daughters. I have heard this "saying" before and never really understood it. It might be that I come from a place that I already have love and respect for women so having them, 2 daughters, never changed anything for me. That said I still find women sexy have no issue with strippers or porn and none of those views are different. It got me thinking though if some men did have a change of heart after they had daughters on some issue. Just curious if you care to answer. Maybe one of the ladies might start a thread in the women's clubhouse about having sons.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ahhh, I have an easy and "patent" answer.

Men can compartmentalize their thoughts with regards to women.

Daughters, nieces, go in one attic jail cell, the rest go into General Population.


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> Ahhh, I have an easy and "patent" answer.
> 
> Men can compartmentalize their thoughts with regards to women.
> 
> Daughters, nieces, go in one attic jail cell, the rest go into General Population.


^^^This :iagree:


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DH says there was no change for him. He's liberal and non judgmental, has never had a problem with sex workers or women who are into casual sex, and sees no reason that should change because he has daughters.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You know you're getting old when your daughters' friends start looking good......

My daughters are now into their mid to late 20's. I've always felt that it is a bit sleazy to entertain sexual thoughts about an adult female not older than my daughters. When they were 18, yes they had some hot looking friends, but it was uncomfortable to allow my thoughts to go in that direction. But a 25 yr old woman was fine for me to entertain thoughts about. But now my daughters are in that age range so my acceptable age range has moved up.

In terms of my daughters dating, I generally trusted them to have good judgement. There was only 1 boyfriend each who I didn't really like. But I also accept that there is nothing I can overtly do to influence their dating choices. They were never big partiers, so I've never had to worry about them being involved with druggies or biker gangs. My eldest is now married to a really great guy.

I've always thought sex workers are generally in sorry circumstances (but not all of them), and don't find myself wanting to patronize their business.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Why are women with sons not asked the same question about Chippendales dancers?


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You know you're getting old when your daughters' friends' moms start looking good 😇

Having two wonderful daughters taught me the importance of living healthy and teaching your kids to make the right decisions. Many of their friends and roommates didn't. 

In terms of gender relations, nothing really. If we're out together and see some good looking woman we invariably talk about her outfit, what values or images we think she may project, etc. They're both big fashionistas but on a budget. We have gone thru the brand name clothing argument routine with them when they were younger and they both have a good sense to dress properly.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Great topic - I have asked that question myself several times after seeing/hearing men leering at women or speaking sexually about them (not in a good way). I'd say to them "How can you say that? You have daughters!" Surely that would change the way men like that speak and think of women? But then I guess as another poster said, men can compartmentalise better than women.

My husband treats me the way he'd want his daughter to be treated by her husband, I know that.

If I had a son, I would hope he'd marry a woman who loves him completely, the way I love my husband, and put him first always.


----------



## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

My daughter is almost 4. That has had literally zero impact on my sex drive. I don't watch porn and think "that's somebody else's daughter". I think "that's a grown ass woman who made a conscious decision to get paid to have sex on camera". When my daughter gets old enough to start dating, I hope that we raise her to be smart and know her own self worth. I was a young man once, and there was only one thing on my mind, and I wasted much time and energy try to get laid. I also have a 6 year old son, and I hope to instill some core values and a general respect for women that nobody really bothered to talk to me about as a young man. 

I think as my daughter gets older, I won't be able to find girls around her age attractive anymore. It's already happening. I'm only 35, but when I look at college girls, they seem like little kids to me now. I'm married and not looking, but if I were single I wouldn't consider dating anyone under 25-26. My friend (34) just recently got divorced, and has been sleeping with a 22 year old college student. I "hung out" with them once, and she is so immature it's painful to be around her. No judgement, I was 22 once and I'm sure I acted like it... but I also wasn't dating a 35 year old.

Funny story; Last fall, when that friend's divorce was final, a group of his close friends went out for a "divorce party", which I guess is becoming as big of a thing as bachelor parties. Anyway, we went to a strip club. Personally, I was well behaved and chose to spend my money on cocktails rather than trips to the VIP room ($200 a pop, which some of the guys in our group did!!!). I got talking to this girl who was trying to get me to go to the VIP room, since my buddies were doing it. I told her she should go look for other guys, I'm not going to be spending that kind of money. But we talked a little more, and she told me that she was born in 1998!!!!!! 19-****ING-98!!!!! That's the year I got my driver's license!! It was at that point I realized that I'm no longer in the same rough age bracket as strippers, and am getting closer to "dirty old man" territory. I rarely find myself in such establishments, but it was just a weird experience!


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My husband and I have had this conversation. He feels this way with strippers but not so much with porn. Maybe because strippers are physically present whereas porn is on screen so it's more detached? I don't know but then he's never been a strip club type of guy. He's only ever gone with bachelor parties.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I had this conversation with myself after my daughter was born. I had one POV in regards to my son and then tried to set a different standard for my daughter. Basically I came to the conclusion that guys who "compartmentalize" things are really just making an excuse to have double standards and they are setting themselves up to be hurt when their daughter doesn't quite live up to the "gold" standard they have set for her.

I realize that my daughter is her own person. Ultimately she is going to do what she feels is best for her. I tried to teach her that she is a valuable human being (as are we all) and that her best interests lie in honoring that fact, honoring that value. She never lacked for her Dad's love and attention, so she wasn't guy-hungry or man-crazy as a teenager. Whatever specific personal needs and wants that developed as she matured into adulthood (sexual included) were her's and her's alone to explore as her own person. The reality is that if a child is given that basic foundation of honoring who they are, they, the child, will not allow another to abuse that value. Having said that I want my daughter to explore and discover what she wants and doesn't want. The only way to do that is with experience. 

The only thing I ever wanted for my children is happiness. I really don't care what path they take to get there as long as that is where they end up. The idea that you can control your child or should control your children's lives is absurd to me. Equally absurd is the idea that you should shield your child from the whatever you perceive to be the evils of the world. Teach them to honor themselves and they will do what is right. At least what is right for them. They will make mistakes, but so what? So did you and you are still hear. Mistakes are lessons to be learned. Just be there for them if and when they need you.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nope, nothing changed in regards to my opinion of women. Still those I respect and those I don't. Never had any notion of woman this or woman that however, always had equality based on merit in my culture.

Guess I can say I'm very fortunate my daughter is very easy to love, respect and be proud of. Can't say the same for alot of brats... Bah! Wanna strangle those little sh-ts and break their parents for raising them! Bah! Hate kids >.>


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I know guys who have young adult daughters and it hasn't affected their ability to still chase after young women the same age as their daughters. 

I also know guys who have immediately changed their stance on young women once their daughters hit that age. One guy said while a lot of very young women are still beautiful and all that, he just can't look at them and think sexually about them anymore. He said it kind of creeps him out now, but for years, it didn't.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I don't think my personal opinions have changed one bit, but will say I have become a bit defensive of young girls. Pisses me off to see old men leering at young girls knowing they would look at my daughter the same way. And yeah, I'm inclined to make a nasty comment to them. 

OP you did bring up porn and strippers, I never gave that much thought when I was younger but since I do have a daughter I would say it would disappointment to no end if she became involved in that kind of lifestyle. People can argue all they want about it's artistic or the girls are at least working but no way would I want my daughter doing that. But I never found any appeal to strip clubs and I don't own any porn movies so the reality is I've always found that stuff a bit disparaging toward women.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

podiumboy said:


> .....I'm only 35, but when I look at college girls, they seem like little kids to me now. *I'm married and not looking, but if I were single I wouldn't consider dating anyone under 25-26.* My friend (34) just recently got divorced, and has been sleeping with a 22 year old college student. I "hung out" with them once, and *she is so immature it's painful to be around her*. .....


:iagree:

Also married and not looking.

However as a 68 year old man, if I was single and looking, I really wouldn't want to date anyone under 50. 

I mean, I have been having sex with women for over 5 decades. A 21 to 23 year old young woman would have maybe been having sex for a decade or (hopefully) less. While she might have a nice fertile body great for making babies, I sure don't want to raise any more babies. I also don't want to have to constantly teach a young woman what to do. I mean she would hardly know her own body sexually, let alone a man's body or how to use her body to skillfully pleasure a man. I mean what would be talk about after sex, concert tickets?

I think that the idea of dating young women or even worse virgins is not a route to erotic happiness.

Most guys I know are pretty shy around women. Some will go up to pretty women that they like and break the ice by talking to them, but most are too shy. That is why all the dating services and friends setting folks up still is the way many find each other. The implication of the original post is that once men have a daughter, they don't objectify women as sex objects. 

I am here to tell you that most "mature" men don't objectify women as sex objects.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Great topic - I have asked that question myself several times after seeing/hearing men leering at women or speaking sexually about them (not in a good way). I'd say to them "How can you say that? You have daughters!" Surely that would change the way men like that speak and think of women? But then I guess as another poster said, men can compartmentalise better than women.
> 
> My husband treats me the way he'd want his daughter to be treated by her husband, I know that.
> 
> If I had a son, I would hope he'd marry a woman who loves him completely, the way I love my husband, and put him first always.


Thats an interesting side saying that I have never understood. I know plenty of guys who say they don't want their daughters dating/ marrying guys like them? That just boggles my mind. I am a good BF and was a better husband. I absolutely hope my daughters find men willing to put them and their families first like I was. When I hear guys say I don't want them dating guys like me I have to think well what the hell kinda life are you leading then


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I knew the guy my older daughter is dating is a keeper when she told me he is exactly like me in many aspects, including nagging 😀. Solid middle class kid, hard working, no entitlement fairy, talented design grad student (nowhere near as good as my girl tho) the whole thing.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I know guys who have young adult daughters and it hasn't affected their ability to still chase after young women the same age as their daughters.
> 
> I also know guys who have immediately changed their stance on young women once their daughters hit that age. One guy said while a lot of very young women are still beautiful and all that, *he just can't look at them and think sexually about them anymore. *He said it kind of creeps him out now, but for years, it didn't.


I still have a few years till my daughters get to that age but I will be shocked if that happens to me. Guess we will see when I get there lol


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Cooper said:


> I don't think my personal opinions have changed one bit, but will say I have become a bit defensive of young girls. Pisses me off to see old men leering at young girls knowing they would look at my daughter the same way. And yeah, I'm inclined to make a nasty comment to them.
> 
> OP you did bring up porn and strippers, I never gave that much thought when I was younger but since I do have a daughter I would say it would disappointment to no end if she became involved in that kind of lifestyle. People can argue all they want about it's artistic or the girls are at least working but no way would I want my daughter doing that. But I never found any appeal to strip clubs and I don't own any porn movies so the reality is I've always found that stuff a bit disparaging toward women.


Well to be clear I have hopes and dreams for my kiddos and I certinaly have hopes they don't work in the sex industry. Their are jobs I definetly would hate for them to have more than those though including mine. That said I learned long ago to only worry about the things I can actually control. No matter what I may want they will turn adult and do what they want to do and I can't control that. I think as parents we always have high dreams for our kids :laugh:


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I have daughters and sisters, a lot of them. My attitude has been changed by them certainly, but not in the direction you are thinking. They are strong independent people who don't need me to protect them. They are capable of making good decisions about relationships and sex. They would be offended if I were to try to protect them from some guy. So I don't worry about it.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Thats an interesting side saying that I have never understood. I know plenty of guys who say they don't want their daughters dating/ marrying guys like them? That just boggles my mind. I am a good BF and was a better husband. *I absolutely hope my daughters find men willing to put them and their families first like I was*. When I hear guys say I don't want them dating guys like me I have to think well what the hell kinda life are you leading then


Exactly. And they'll both learn from watching you and their mother. You are both role models for them, especially you as they approach their teens.

I said to my daughter that when she grows up meets someone, that I want her to *expect* to be treated by her man the way I am by her father. Not just want that, but expect it.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Exactly. And they'll both learn from watching you and their mother. You are both role models for them, especially you as they approach their teens.
> 
> I said to my daughter that when she grows up meets someone, that I want her to *expect* to be treated by her man the way I am by her father. Not just want that, but expect it.


I get what your saying but I hope they see more how a woman should be from my GF rather than their bio mom. Hope those apples fall far from that tree


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Thats an interesting side saying that I have never understood. I know plenty of guys who say they don't want their daughters dating/ marrying guys like them? That just boggles my mind. I am a good BF and was a better husband. I absolutely hope my daughters find men willing to put them and their families first like I was. When I hear guys say I don't want them dating guys like me I have to think well what the hell kinda life are you leading then


My daughter is only two months old so she is a long way from dating.
When she is older if the twenty five year old me turned up to collect her for a date I would probably shoot him.
If the thirty year old me turned up I would welcome him.
People can change,that's what's great about them.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Yeah, @Andy1001 , I met DH when we were 24. He finally became civilized at about 32..34, maybe. My father did NOT approve and cautioned me before we married and again when we bought the house. The herding cats years were worth it to be with the man he is today. Proving my dad wrong was gravy.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> My daughter is only two months old so she is a long way from dating.
> When she is older if the twenty five year old me turned up to collect her for a date I would probably shoot him.
> If the thirty year old me turned up I would welcome him.
> People can change,that's what's great about them.


A fair point. If it is love and marriage my daughters seek a younger me,pre divorce,would be much better than the me now. My values haven't changed but my outlook on relationships sure has


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> A fair point. If it is love and marriage my daughters seek a younger me,pre divorce,would be much better than the me now. My values haven't changed but my outlook on relationships sure has


You know, I buy a lot of things used. I like knowing what I have is sturdy and can survive the wear and tear it will be subjected to between men, kids, and pets.

A divorced person has usually been through some rough times. If they're still " in good condition" with just a few dents and dings it shows a certain hardiness. This kind of person has done some living and knows things. Such a person may be imperfect, but they're well seasoned like a good cast iron pan.

If a man who has been burned by the fire wants to date my daughter, I'm all for it. He must feel something powerful to be willing to take a chance on her. Lord knows I wouldn't have remarried if the love I feel for DH wasn't a force of nature.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Yea, it changed my opinions on some things, and made other opinions more uh, opinionated.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Personally I like sex. I hope my kids enjoy sex. I have self respect and I am teaching my kids the same. I find women sexy and, though young me wound be appalled, I have always found women my age (old as in over 40) attractive. Hopefully that will continue.

I've only had sex with my w for the past 30+ years and I don't see that changing any time soon. However that doesn't mean I don't still enjoy the bodies and sexiness of women of all legal ages. 

Has nothing to do with my kids. My sexuality is my own. There is no conflating my views of my kids and my views of women who choose to show off their bodies which I enjoy.

This topic confuses me. What would one have to be thinking to involve their views of their children with those of other adults? Very crazy to me...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Also married and not looking.
> 
> ...


The mature men you knowvare different than the men i know!>


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Having a (now high-school aged) daughter has not changed my outlook on women or the dating scene. I still strongly prefer a woman who likes adventurous sex, gladly accept first-date sex, notice nice-looking ladies at the mall or beach, etc.

A big part of that is that I don't degrade women. I accept their limits, don't pester them for dates and attention, and treat every lady I date with respect.

Another big part of that is that I don't see anything wrong with my preferences. It's not a matter of having a double standard where I do some objectionable things but would not want my daughter doing it. If it's something I would not want her to do (say, cheat on a partner or date someone she knows is in a relationship) I would not do it myself.

One thing I have done, though, is try to explain what good relationships look like... respect and appreciation for one's partner, being two equals coming together, etc. She had expressed some concern over how her mother was treating her former step-father, and I basically told her that I expect better of her:

* You don't have to do anything you don't want, but
* Neither does your partner, who matters as much as you do, and
* Don't marry anyone to whom you aren't physically attracted.


----------



## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

Oops, dead thread. Sorry. Still figuring this place out. It showed at the bottom of the page and i thought it was recent.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Fozzy said:


> Why are women with sons not asked the same question about Chippendales dancers?


None is going to jump a Chippendale and beat and rape him as he is going out to his car after closing time.


----------

