# 24 years and getting divorced…



## Busterbear (4 mo ago)

It’s not something I want but my wife is completely ghosting me…she was managing the books for my business but she wasn’t doing the job right, I had to finally fire her after several years of trying to convince her to let me hire someone and by the time I finally got my head out of the sand and did what needed to be done, I almost lost everything. She was 345k behind in billing.
She also took about 50k from our checking account and moved it to an account I don’t have access to. She also never added her income to our account, it goes into her account i have no access to.
She told our kids (17, 19, and 20) that her therapist says I’m abusive. I know this is false because my therapist has permission to talk to hers and he said that was never said to her about me and that I am not abusive. 
anyways, it’s been a nightmare, she is at her parents house and I’m at home but the kids are really struggling.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I would sue her for theft. No way I would let her destroy my reputation.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

That sounds like embezzlement. What else is going on?


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

The fact that his wife “embezzled“ I think is legally nebulous. As far as the law is concerned, they are one entity financially speaking, so it’s likely viewed as the left hand giving to the right hand. In any case, talk to a sophisticated divorce attorney immediately.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

gr8ful1 said:


> The fact that his wife “embezzled“ I think is legally nebulous. As far as the law is concerned, they are one entity financially speaking, so it’s likely viewed as the left hand giving to the right hand. In any case, talk to a sophisticated divorce attorney immediately.


Is that really true? I’m honestly asking. I know legally her stuff is his, but is it reciprocal?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Jasonb said:


> It’s not something I want but my wife is completely ghosting me…she was managing the books for my business but she wasn’t doing the job right, I had to finally fire her after several years of trying to convince her to let me hire someone and by the time I finally got my head out of the sand and did what needed to be done, I almost lost everything. She was 345k behind in billing.
> She also took about 50k from our checking account and moved it to an account I don’t have access to. She also never added her income to our account, it goes into her account i have no access to.
> She told our kids (17, 19, and 20) that her therapist says I’m abusive. I know this is false because my therapist has permission to talk to hers and he said that was never said to her about me and that I am not abusive.
> anyways, it’s been a nightmare, she is at her parents house and I’m at home but the kids are really struggling.


She’s blame shifting. Covering up for herself. Get an attorney and a forensic accountant now!!!
You probably only know the tip of this iceberg.
Im sorry but if you want this woman back you are a fool for punishment.
You trusted her too much. Big mistake!!!!


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## SadM83 (4 mo ago)

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds very difficult... You really have to fight for yourself


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jasonb said:


> It’s not something I want but my wife is completely ghosting me…she was managing the books for my business but she wasn’t doing the job right, I had to finally fire her after several years of trying to convince her to let me hire someone and by the time I finally got my head out of the sand and did what needed to be done, I almost lost everything. She was 345k behind in billing.
> She also took about 50k from our checking account and moved it to an account I don’t have access to. She also never added her income to our account, it goes into her account i have no access to.
> She told our kids (17, 19, and 20) that her therapist says I’m abusive. I know this is false because my therapist has permission to talk to hers and he said that was never said to her about me and that I am not abusive.
> anyways, it’s been a nightmare, she is at her parents house and I’m at home but the kids are really struggling.


If what you say here is true then it is time to get a lawyer and fast. I'm skeptical that your wife's therapist will tell your therapist everything that goes on then share it with you. What is the point of IC if everything is shared with the spouse? Did your kids give any more specifics about how you are abusive, according to your wife and her therapist?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Jasonb said:


> It’s not something I want but my wife is completely ghosting me…she was managing the books for my business but she wasn’t doing the job right, I had to finally fire her after several years of trying to convince her to let me hire someone and by the time I finally got my head out of the sand and did what needed to be done, I almost lost everything. She was 345k behind in billing.
> She also took about 50k from our checking account and moved it to an account I don’t have access to. She also never added her income to our account, it goes into her account i have no access to.
> She told our kids (17, 19, and 20) that her therapist says I’m abusive. I know this is false because my therapist has permission to talk to hers and he said that was never said to her about me and that I am not abusive.
> anyways, it’s been a nightmare, she is at her parents house and I’m at home but the kids are really struggling.


I would think if you collect all the documents you should be able to prove fraud. I'd have her thrown in prison if possible. You also document that she is brainwashing the kids with what she said, you should have custody.

You need a bulldog attorney that is going to go for the throat. Do not let up on her, she sure as hell will not and hasn't.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

gr8ful1 said:


> The fact that his wife “embezzled“ I think is legally nebulous. As far as the law is concerned, they are one entity financially speaking, so it’s likely viewed as the left hand giving to the right hand. In any case, talk to a sophisticated divorce attorney immediately.


I guess it depends on the state. Because my aunt at the time was doing this to my uncle's company and he could have had her charged. Instead he let it go and they divorced. He didn't want to prosecute since they had kids.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Is that really true? I’m honestly asking. I know legally her stuff is his, but is it reciprocal?


I probably depends on how his business entity is formed, corp, llc and what the docs say. I doubt they would prosecute.


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## Busterbear (4 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If what you say here is true then it is time to get a lawyer and fast. I'm skeptical that your wife's therapist will tell your therapist everything that goes on then share it with you. What is the point of IC if everything is shared with the spouse? Did your kids give any more specifics about how you are abusive, according to your wife and her therapist?


no, my kids have no other information that I’m aware of. 
the reason why the therapists can talk is that my wife and I signed off on that, the therapists were in the same organization and work together regularly.


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## Busterbear (4 mo ago)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I probably depends on how his business entity is formed, corp, llc and what the docs say. I doubt they would prosecute.


It’s a single member LLC with me as the only owner.
I file taxes as an S Corp. 
I would not ever press charges against the mother of my children


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So there’s embezzlement and there’s a partner hiding money away in order to leave. Usually if the spouse is abusive.

How was the marriage otherwise? What was her life like, your life, and how did you live together?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Busterbear said:


> It’s a single member LLC with me as the only owner.
> I file taxes as an S Corp.
> I would not ever press charges against the mother of my children


I would so….


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## Busterbear (4 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> So there’s embezzlement and there’s a partner hiding money away in order to leave. Usually if the spouse is abusive.
> 
> How was the marriage otherwise? What was her life like, your life, and how did you live together?


married at 19 & 20, we had our struggles but for the most part it was positive, I have some amazing memories of the vacations she planned for our family. I have so many amazing pictures of our family. We built a house, and staryed a business together. COVID really screwed her up, she went into a serious depression and stopped cleaning the house and paying the bills.We went to therapy since 2020 😢


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Busterbear said:


> married at 19 & 20, we had our struggles but for the most part it was positive, I have some amazing memories of the vacations she planned for our family. I have so many amazing pictures of our family. We built a house, and staryed a business together. COVID really screwed her up, she went into a serious depression and stopped cleaning the house and paying the bills.We went to therapy since 2020 😢


Ok so there’s some background info, great you’re in counselling for a few years. (Together? You mentioned your wife has a counsellor that you’re allowed to speak to?)

It sounds like you’ve been very happy in the marriage! So this must be quite a shock for you.

I notice your tone comes across as rather panicky. What is the biggest fear and what is driving the panic right now?

Have you told your parents? You mentioned she’s with hers, how’s your side of the family taking it?

Oh, what led to you both seeking counselling in 2020?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You are a business owner who has a empolyee who has embezzled moeny form the company get your head out of your ass and tell her she either repalces that money or you will have her arrested and tell the kids what she did and then do it, your marriage is over anyway so might as well have some control over your company


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

See an atty right away about that 50k and don't ever let that issue go. She needs to return 25k to you in the divorce.


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## Busterbear (4 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> So there’s embezzlement and there’s a partner hiding money away in order to leave. Usually if the spouse is abusive.
> 
> How was the marriage otherwise? What was her life like, your life, and how did you live together?


We had decided to go because she was depressed and was no longer doing any cleaning in the house and was really struggling keeping up with the finance job for the business. I assume I can no longer talk to her therapist, I assume that’s been revoked. 
she had gotten better with things for a while, but it clearly slipped again.
She made claims that I was abusive, that I was doing drugs, all false.

This is not like her at all, it’s shocking and I’m really struggling as I still love my wife. I realize that most people think I’m stupid and irresponsible for not pursuing legal action but if I didn’t have kids, I likely would have let the whole thing go under, I guess I’m an idiot


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## SadM83 (4 mo ago)

Busterbear said:


> We had decided to go because she was depressed and was no longer doing any cleaning in the house and was really struggling keeping up with the finance job for the business. I assume I can no longer talk to her therapist, I assume that’s been revoked.
> she had gotten better with things for a while, but it clearly slipped again.
> She made claims that I was abusive, that I was doing drugs, all false.
> 
> This is not like her at all, it’s shocking and I’m really struggling as I still love my wife. I realize that most people think I’m stupid and irresponsible for not pursuing legal action but if I didn’t have kids, I likely would have let the whole thing go under, I guess I’m an idiot


Most of people project their own feelings plus most of them haven't walked in your shoes. And most repeated answer here on this site is "pursue legal action" or "do 180". So, no, you are not an idiot.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

You aren't an idiot because of what happened. You'll be an idiot if you fail to further protect yourself and your children.


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## Busterbear (4 mo ago)

Benbutton said:


> You aren't an idiot because of what happened. You'll be an idiot if you fail to further protect yourself and your children.


If you say so….everyone has a different definition of protecting one’s family and self.
I guess the guy who built a multi million dollar security company is the idiot 🤷‍♂️I’m sure most people here have been more successful than I have


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Busterbear said:


> If you say so….everyone has a different definition of protecting one’s family and self.
> I guess the guy who built a multi million dollar security company is the idiot 🤷‍♂️I’m sure most people here have been more successful than I have


My comment has nothing to do with your success as a businessman. It has everything to do with recognizing where you are now and dealing with it accordingly. Whether or not she is suffering from some sort of mental break is irrelevant, she doesn't want to be with you, so you should take the next steps in the mean time.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Busterbear said:


> We had decided to go because she was depressed and was no longer doing any cleaning in the house and was really struggling keeping up with the finance job for the business. I assume I can no longer talk to her therapist, I assume that’s been revoked.
> she had gotten better with things for a while, but it clearly slipped again.
> She made claims that I was abusive, that I was doing drugs, all false.
> 
> *This is not like her at all, *it’s shocking and I’m really struggling as I still love my wife. I realize that most people think I’m stupid and irresponsible for not pursuing legal action but if I didn’t have kids, I likely would have let the whole thing go under, I guess I’m an idiot


It may not have been like her before but it is her now. It’s your business and future.
Loving your wife has nothing to do with your current circumstances. I’d bet you probably only know the tip of the iceberg here. Put your business hat on and get it under control. That has nothing to do with legal issues.
Save yourself and business first.
She’s blame shifting this all onto you. Not uncommon.


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