# Advice Separation or ??



## clouds99 (Jul 30, 2012)

Was thinking about filing for a separation. I have been married for 8 years. 8 years were rocky. Wife appears to have a mental problem, but refuses to get help. She has seen two doctors both advised her to try medication. (But she says she is fine). We have 2 kids. So over past few years wife and kids have had allergy issues. 8 months ago we had an air test tone and found an above normal amount of mold spores. It was considered LOW on the scale, but above normal. I found out there was a leak in the basement and I found the mold and removed it. After wife found out about the mold, she moved out with the kids and has been living with her sister and her daughter for 8 months in a 2 bedroom condo. Even after having the house HEPA Filtered, tested again, and was now EXCELLENT air quality, she still says something is wrong in the house. 

My wife and kids sleep in one of the rooms. She brings the kids to me every weekend. But we do not get along at all anymore. She says I ruined her health. Says she will sue me for ruining her health. She continues to see doctors and takes my kids to doctors, keeps telling the doctors that she has Asthma, and my kids both have Asthma caused from Mold exposure. At one time in 2009 when the kids were 1 yr old and 3 years old a doctor said they had asthma based on what my wife tells them. 2 months ago I took them to see a specialist, and neither of them have Asthma. But wife still thinks they do and tells people that my kids are very sick. I have never seen any of my kids or my wife has an Asthma attack. But inside my wife’s head she thinks she has it, and so do the kids. (Part of her mental problem). I think she is trying to find a doctor that will say my kid’s health and her health have been permanently damaged due to mold exposure.

When she does come back to my house she has to open all the windows, even though I have the A/C on and its 95F outside. I have come home and find windows open and the AC running. Really crazy. In the past she would complain it was too hot even when I had the AC on. Very odd.

I know she has always wanted a house with a bigger yard, I think now she is trying to push me to buy a different house. But right now I do not want to move. So that is not going to happen. She now lives at a place with no yard at all. But she is ok with that.

All we do now is argue. She is making an unhealthy environment for our kids. I feel so sorry for my kids. I don't get any help from her side of the family either. I think they know something is wrong with her, but do not want to get involved. My wife has pretty much abandoned every friend that she has met. She always thinks up crazy thoughts that they did something to her, and then stops talking to them. She does it with my family too. She thought my sister stole something from her, and stopped talking to her for 6 months. Something happened between my mom and my wife and she stopped talking to her for almost a year.


She refuses to see another DR, or see a counselor, she laughs at me when I talk to her about this.

Thinking of filing for separation. Of course with anything involved with separation or divorce we have to ask about $$. I did have a large some of money before marriage and I own the same car that I bought before marriage. A large amount of my savings that I had before marriage went into the down payment of our house. Is she entitled to part of that? What amount if our joint savings is she entitled to? I don't mind splitting some, but I also don't feel she is entitled to half. She only worked about 2-3 years of the entire time being married. She came into the marriage with 0$.

If I go towards separation does she have the right to continue to use the credit card? 

I told her sister several months ago that I don't think our marriage can be fixed until she (my wife) gets mental help. Doesn't look like this will ever happen.

I'm concerned about her taking my kids to doctors all the time. Just had argument because she had another allergy test done on my kids. I said they are not having any problems right now. Except daughter gets stuffy nose which is more then likely from the condo which has carpet in every room, and my daughter is allergic to dust and dust mites. But my house has no carpet. But it's ok to my wife to have the kids sleep in the condo. She argues that the tests showed she is allergic to feathers that are in pillows. But it's like ok so don't buy feather pillows, but keep her in a house that has carpet..... Doesn't make much sense to me if she is so concerned about the kids. I have a HELPA air filter that runs 24/7 in my house. I tell her it’s a lot cleaner then this condo. She also doesn't believe me when I tell her there is always mold spores outside. Sometimes high levels and opening the windows during those high levels, your just brining them into your house........

Sorry for long message. This is the short version!


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## clouds99 (Jul 30, 2012)

Yes very interesting. She could fit this amonth other problems that she has.... She does a lot of self diagnose too. Says doctors are wrong, I have "xxxx" because she has all the symptoms that she finds online..... 







michzz said:


> Look up muenchausen by proxy
> 
> Some women are their kids sick to get attention
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I think the mold is just an excuse. 

Remember this, you are both the parents of your children. You have just as much right for them to live in the _marital_ home as in the condo. If you do consider divorce, one thing to keep in mind is that right now you are allowing her to set the status quo with regard to your children. This can affect you greatly in a divorce process, think $$$ and not being able to see your children. See The List below and start having the children spend time at your house. Right now there is no paperwork filed with the court, you have every right to pick them up and bring them home.



clouds99 said:


> Thinking of filing for separation. Of course with anything involved with separation or divorce we have to ask about $$. I did have a large some of money before marriage and I own the same car that I bought before marriage. A large amount of my savings that I had before marriage went into the down payment of our house. Is she entitled to part of that? What amount if our joint savings is she entitled to? I don't mind splitting some, but I also don't feel she is entitled to half. She only worked about 2-3 years of the entire time being married. She came into the marriage with 0$.
> 
> If I go towards separation does she have the right to continue to use the credit card?


First note of family court: Life is not fair, nor necessarily is the court. You would be up against a stay at home mother (SAHM) which is already an uphill battle. Before you go off and file for divorce, think about your goals in a potential divorce and be ready with a strategy to achieve your goals. Don't go off half-a$$ed just to get it over with, you will get screwed.

The List: Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum • View topic - THE LIST (Print It)

It is long and in depth, but if you are considering a divorce, especially with a SAHM, read it and start to prepare. Heed my warning against allowing your wife to control your children, it will come back to haunt you. 

Follow the guidance in the list and when you are ready, file the paperwork and get ready to see the fireworks. Even if you reconcile with your wife, continue to follow the list so that you are prepared, no matter what.


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