# Husband plans to move online affair into our apartment



## l1sha (Jan 18, 2011)

My husband of 20+ years has been online dating, in front of me, literally keeps typing e-chats with her while I'm handing him his lunch. I finally confronted him about it, and he says he wants a divorce to be free to be with his online foreign girlfriend. Because of this, and that he cheated on me and left for another online girlfriend in the past, and I was stupid enough to take him back, I've had enough, and agreed to prepare to file for a divorce.

I've spent the last week or so online trying to figure out how to do a "Do It Yourself" California divorce, and yesterday, husband informs me that his online foreign girlfriend will be arriving soon to move in.

I told him that there's no way in hell he's moving the woman he's having an affair with into my home. We've had this apartment together for 15 years.

He says he can do whatever he wants and she's moving in whether I like it or not.

He's jobless so won't move out himself. And I have only a part-time job so might not be able to get my own place.

What can I do?


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

Contact Legal Aid in California. They should be able to assist you or point you in a direction. Since you only work part time, I would search out any other agency willing to assist you. Also, most apartment leases do not allow another person to move in without filling out an application and being approved by the owners. I've lived in Calif before and I tell you, do not let this woman in, even if you have to change the locks. In Cali, if they reside in your home, even without paying a lick of rent for thirty consecutive days, the only way to get them out is a formal eviction process, which could take six months or more and money. I would also post your problem on law.com for advice. 
Maybe you should change the locks and not give a new key the husband you are trying to divorce. California is also a communal property state, so he could wind up with half of what you have unless you have a prenup. Gather all the evidence you can of his affair, make copies and keep it safe. You will need it. Your husband does know that Adultery is illegal in the state of California? 
Be strong.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

Under California law, you don't have to move out. It's your home and you did nothing wrong. Please go get legal help immediately! If legal aid can't help you, then search for women protection agencies, because this is abuse. BTW: Let him get his own darn lunch from now on!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

l1sha said:


> My husband of 20+ years has been online dating, in front of me, literally keeps typing e-chats with her while I'm handing him his lunch. I finally confronted him about it, and he says he wants a divorce to be free to be with his online foreign girlfriend. Because of this, and that he cheated on me and left for another online girlfriend in the past, and I was stupid enough to take him back, I've had enough, and agreed to prepare to file for a divorce.
> 
> I've spent the last week or so online trying to figure out how to do a "Do It Yourself" California divorce, and yesterday, husband informs me that his online foreign girlfriend will be arriving soon to move in.
> 
> ...


Who owns the house? You or your husband?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Boy, he has some b****. This guy is a total cad (but you already know that).

No way on God's green earth would I allow him to move that hussy into my home. Who in the h*** does he think he is? Good grief, I'm trying to think of some advice here and I'm coming up blank. 

If it's an apartment you're renting, go see the landlord and tell him that your husband is planning on moving a third adult into the apartment and it's against the lease (for most, it is, read your lease).

If he says he's moving her in anyway, even though it's your apartment too, you leave (seriously). If he's jobless, he won't be able to pay the rent and he and his hussy can figure out where to live and how to eat.

I would leave if that was my only choice, part-time job or not. If you work part-time and he's jobless, how are you paying the rent anyway? There is NO WAY I would live there with him and his "girl." Period - I don't care how long I've been there, whose apartment it is, etc. If you have no other choice than to live with "them" or leave, I'd leave - even if I have to live in a flea bag motel.

There are agencies that can help with moving expenses, utility deposits, bus passes, food, etc. All you have to do is apply and show that you are low-income. 

And if he's jobless, who the h*** is paying for her plane ticket to get there?


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Unbelievable! that women put up with what they do,what a worthless guy(toad)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If he's jobless and you're part time, who's paying for your apartment?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I'd scream "INTRUDER!!!" and punch her in the face. 


Just kidding.

I agree with bringing up the subject with the property manager. If it's not solved that way, I'd call the police if she shows up and refuses to get out of your home. File a restraining order after they remove her. 

This is such a horrible situation. I'm sorry your husband is being so horrible.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> I'd scream "INTRUDER!!!" and punch her in the face.
> 
> 
> Just kidding.
> ...


He sounds like a "mooch," not a husband to me!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Seriously! If HE isn't paying for the apartment, kick his sorry ass out!


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## MayfairJaz (Jan 17, 2011)

Try to get the OW email and let her know just what is going on Tell her - 
** He's got no job
** He' marries
** He's a arse
** That it's your home


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## land2634 (Jun 7, 2010)

I would be inclined to agree with MayfairJaz here. I highly doubt this woman has any clue that your husband is married. I think even the craziest person would see moving into a married household and be a part of that is a bad idea. Do whatever you can to get in touch with this woman, explain who you are, and that no one will be moving into YOUR household.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Here's the problems I see with some of the suggestions...

His name is likely on the lease, same as hers. So changing the locks (even if the landlord is willing to let that happen) and locking him out is likely not feasible.

Her name is on the lease, so if she moves out, she's liable for the rent until the lease expires.

How do you "stop" someone from moving in without physically blocking them, which opens up all sorts of other issues.

If it was me, I'd be trying to get my name off that lease and all the utilities (anything tied to the apartment and him), and finding a place to live. Friends, family, whatever is needed. Cut off all financial ties with the soon to be ex, if you haven't already. But get out of that situation and leave him to wreck his life however he likes.

C


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

This is INSANE! What the heck? I'd take it up with the apartment complex. You signed a lease and she isn't on it.


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## l1sha (Jan 18, 2011)

It was a one-year lease, and we moved in 16 years ago, so I wouldn't owe any money on the lease if I leave. We can leave anytime we want after the first year was over, with 30 days notice.



PBear said:


> Here's the problems I see with some of the suggestions...
> 
> His name is likely on the lease, same as hers. So changing the locks (even if the landlord is willing to let that happen) and locking him out is likely not feasible.
> 
> ...


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## l1sha (Jan 18, 2011)

I've been paying the rent and bills for the last year or so. Total monthly expenses are about 1500 a month, so it's doable with the help of a little bit of savings.




turnera said:


> If he's jobless and you're part time, who's paying for your apartment?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I have to agree--if you have part-time work and expenses of about $1500, you have a way to support yourself. It's not lovely, but you can do it, whereas he has nothing!

Thus, I'd recommend moving out, finding your own place, and eviction will be started on those two in about 45 days.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

That being the case, I'd be creating my own bank accounts and canceling the utilities that are in your name. If you can pay for the two of you to live in an apartment together, you should be able to pay for yourself to live in an apartment, no? Heck you'll save money!

C


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why on earth would you be carrying him, if he won't step up and protect his family?

I'm serious. You need to ask yourself why you think YOU owe HIM anything, if he isn't showing you enough respect or love for YOU.


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## l1sha (Jan 18, 2011)

I got an apartment yesterday. Not easy when making less than $10 an hour part-time, the manager lady said she was giving it to me even though I don't make enough to qualify, because everything else is good, credit, references, and I've been paying the same rent where I am for the last year. I told her my situation and seems like she really wanted to help me out. So now at least I don't have to worry about being here when the girlfriend moves in, if it actually happens. Preparing papers to file for a divorce next week.



Affaircare said:


> I have to agree--if you have part-time work and expenses of about $1500, you have a way to support yourself. It's not lovely, but you can do it, whereas he has nothing!
> 
> Thus, I'd recommend moving out, finding your own place, and eviction will be started on those two in about 45 days.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good for you! Sorry it came to this, but good Lord! You will find a MUCH better man out there for you!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry about your situation. That man is heartless. Keep up the good progress. Make sure your name is taken off your old lease and utility bills.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Find out who the woman is. Contact her. Lay it on the line as mentioned before. He's married, your home etc. 
Contact family tell them what he plans to do - you need support
Prepare yourself. 
Look at accounts - joint names?
Make sure your income goes into account in your name. 
Starve him out if he attempts to follow through.
Don't let her put roots down even when you are out at work maybe get a friend to housesit
If you discover she has got a plane ticket, look out for that and try and weedle out of him who is paying the plane ticket maybe a mutual friend could find info for you? 
If she does arrive, throw her stuff out and his too.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

MayfairJaz said:


> Try to get the OW email and let her know just what is going on Tell her -
> ** He's got no job
> ** He' marries
> ** He's a arse
> ** That it's your home



AND THAT SHE SHOULD NOT WASTE HER MONEY TO TRAVEL HERE SINCE SHE IS NOT WELCOME IN YOUR HOME.

Lyn


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