# Ugh!!! MAJOR trigger!!!!



## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

WTF!!! So my H and I are doing really well on our R and decided to watch our wedding video for our 10 year wedding anniversary. We have NEVER watched it in ten years. Weird, I know...

Anyway, we were really enjoying watching it and feeling good about reliving our special day, noticing how young we look, remembering people who have passed, and laughing at the funny antics of my brother, etc...

The part where I throw the bouquet is playing and H and I are trying to remember who caught it. Neither of us can remember so we keep watching...I throw it...it is caught...the women walks forward....and it is the OW!!!!!!!!!!

This D-bag was at my wedding!!!! AND caught MY bouquet!!!! Eight years later she caught my H too!!! WTF!!!!!


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

WOW !!!! What FATE !

~sammy


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hrm....that's awkward. What did your H say?


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## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

that_girl said:


> Hrm....that's awkward. What did your H say?


He said, "Oh my God, look how fat she is!" :rofl:

I guess he gets an A for effort...but still....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

LOL did you know you knew her??


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## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

that_girl said:


> LOL did you know you knew her??


Yes! She is his step-cousin...and a skank. I remembered she was at our wedding and a couple of years later, we were at her's too. I considered her family as well as a friend...

She actually admitted to me after D day that she had a crush on my H since they were in high school. She made a move on him back then too, but he turned her down....then.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

ugg....the OW in my H's affair also had a crush on him since high school.....I remember when we went to her church she even stated it at the church...I remember walking away feeling as if she was making a play on him then....and that was at least 3 years ago....I really don't know how long the affair went on for....could it be that long...does it matter?? Sorry you had to go through that...when I go home I will have to drive by the church she attends everyday that I want to go in town....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Step-cousin? Nice. Creepy too.

Well, glad she was fat. lol.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

If you don't mind me asking both pacmouse & ontherence16, How's it going ???

~sammy


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

LOL!

I think it is amazing you didn't recall who caught it
or
that you hadn't watched it in ten years.

Time sure flies when you're having fun.

LOL on you H saying she looked fat!


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Well if you look at the threads mine is (the church.....). My H says he wants to work it out. H is going to counceling and has started attending a church that he knows the pastor in. He and the pastor have gone on mission trips together. This is not the same church of the OW....but the two are only about 1-2 miles from eachother....I live in a very small community....I am out of town so have to take him for his word....he told me that she does not use the computer and I knew his password to his email before he have me the password...and I have not found anything in his email or on the net with her being the focus....I send him articles I find and he claims to read them....he did take an infidelity test and sent me the clips of them....I think he is trying...I think...but then again I am thinking he is unemployed and he may only be trying because if I kick him out he's a gonner....but something strange happened yesterday...he tells me that the pastor wants to help a guy who is strung out on meth...so he takes the RV over to the pastors house and is going to let the pastor use the RV for the guy to stay in until the guy gets treatment.....I wonder if this is a true story...or is the RV being moved over there for other purposes...like his leaving???? I don't know what to beleive at this point.....i really don't......


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## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

sammy3 said:


> If you don't mind me asking both pacmouse & ontherence16, How's it going ???
> 
> ~sammy


We are doing great!!! I am positive that the OW is out of the picture and he truly understands and regrets his actions. He/I/We are in counseling and that is really helpful.

He is doing everything he needs to do to make it right. It actually comes easy to him to do what he needs to do because he completely understands what he did was WRONG and now appreciates everything he stood to lose because of it. He often says how lucky he is that he is getting a second chance. He promises he would NEVER do anything like this again and risk losing what is most important.... his family. However....scars run deep and I would be a liar if I did not admit that I only trust about 90% of what he says. The other 10% is there as a reminder of the hell my kids and I were put through.

As I look back over the past 10 years and my interactions with the OW and knowing her history of other affairs, low self worth, (after all she is fat:rofl comes from a family of manipulators, alcoholics, mental illness, attention seeking....etc. It is very clear to me that my H was stalked for years and when she saw opportunity she went in for the catch. BUT, my H was very stupid to fall for her tricks.

Funny thing...does anyone remember that movie that came out years ago called 'Christmas with the Kranks?' I used to joke around the holidays that I was having "Thanksgiving with the Iks." ...The alcoholic, the manic, the bulimic, etc.:rofl:

I am so happy that I don't have to deal with anyone in that family again. My H's mother even divorced the OW uncle, so there is NO reason to have to associate with any of them. 

So, after a years time, I can say things are going very well for me and the H. Does he seem like a changed man? YES!!! Do I believe him for the most part? YES Do I wish it never happened? YES YES YES!!! But, I am happy with the progress we've made.

Although, I will feel great happiness when I hear that karma has paid the OW a visit. There is no doubt in my mind that it will.


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## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

chattycathy said:


> LOL!
> 
> I think it is amazing you didn't recall who caught it
> or
> ...


I know, right!!!

The whole thing is really amazing. I guess I know what I will be talking about in therapy this week.:rofl:


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## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

that_girl said:


> Step-cousin? Nice. Creepy too.
> 
> *Well, glad she was fat. lol.*




I know!!! There is a certain kind of creep factor in this even though they are not blood related.

When my H and I were dating he told me of the time when she jumped him at a party back in high school. Back then, he explained how horrific he thought it was because he always thought of her as his cousin. ...I'll never understand how she managed to change his mind about it 20 years later....

As far as being fat....She was HUGE in the video, but she has since lost a little weight (family shared eating disorder) and isn't that big today. But she clearly struggles with the fat gene.

I actually feel bad making fun of her being fat. Not about HER, but about people who struggle with weight in general. I am usually very sympathetic of people....just not her


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

I spoke to my husband today...told him my fears and he actually told me his. He is apologetic has agreed to talk to the pastor at his church about the issue. I want marriage counceling but because I work out of town seems imposibble. So I brought up the idea of the pastor doing it over the phone. At first he said this was a way for him to confess and it is actually. But the truth will set you free... I feel a little better today he assures me that the affair has indeed ended. It's only been 3 weeks since thier last phone call and a little over a month since Discovery. H tells me he would not be able to go to church if still in the affair, nor would he be going to counceling. H told me I asked for actions and not words some months ago and now he is doing the actions and not just spewing out words. I told him about the church thing and well what could he say. I reminded him again that there will be Divorce if I find out different and he understands this. He says he is remoseful and I sort of believe him. I reminded him that he needs to keep his defense mechanism in check and he agrees. We are learning how to communicate. I suggested that when needed we ask eachother to repeat what was said so there is full understanding of our communication. I will see.... I am still sending the letter off to her pastor. I am told she told her pastor, but that could be a lie or she may have not given him the whole story. I did and am mailing it tomorrow. Makes me feel a little better


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