# IC for both of us?



## lotsoflove

I have been planning to start IC for awhile now. My new health insurance from my job kicked in and I have an appointment with my primary physician to get a referral on the 22nd. I am dealing with depression (long-term) and I also need some help moving on from the past. 

My husband and I have been having issues for a few years and we had discussed the idea of MC but he seemed pretty resistant. 

My concern was that MC would just cause us to bring up old issues, argue and get angry with each other when what we really need to do is move on, find new ways to communicate and connect. 

Last night I told him maybe it would be better if we would both do IC but with the same counselor and then after awhile we could check in together on our progress in a joint session. I was expecting him to still be resistant, but he said he likes that idea much better. 

I am really hoping this is a step in the right direction for us. I can only hope that as we improve as individuals the relationship will improve as well.

Anyone tried this method??


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## Acorn

I think the focus of IC is what is good for you as an individual, and MC focuses on practices that are good for the marriage as a whole.

IC may point one or both of you in the direction of realizing that your marriage is not in alignment with your life, and you may be better off without it. I wouldn't let that deter you, but know that going in.


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## moxy

If you have a good counselor and are willing to do the work involved in facing your own demons, if you are patient with it, I think that IC can be great. I tried several therapists before I found one that I felt comfortable talking to, so in many ways, this has to do with personal disposition. If both you and your H feel a therapeutic connection with the IC, then there's a chance it will work, but....instead, why not just see the IC and see where it goes and let your H go to IC, as well. Then, when you both are more comfortable talking about things, you can both go to an MC together?

I've been struggling with a really debilitating depression since my marriage fell apart and I have to say that having an IC has helped me a lot. Having someone on your side to hear what you're going through and urge you to look at your life without relying on old patterns can be freeing. So, I would encourage you to do it, regardless of whether or not the MC is going to happen, just for the sake of helping you get past your depression.


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