# Im ****ing fed up!



## oneheart_onesoul (Aug 13, 2008)

Omg, I am so freaking frustrated,angry,mad, and hurt I just want to cry!!! There are so many problems in this relationship how do I know if its worth to continue or just to end it? Do I want to end it, no I do love him. Am I still in love with him, I think so...but im just fed up with everything

First the cheating, how do I get over it im 21 and he cheated on me with a 40 year old that is so ugly do you know how hard that hurts I dont even know what exactly happened, he says they didnt finish and he dont know why it happened and that he was thinking about me another time he wasnt thinking about me and it wasnt that bad....I have given everything up for this my previous marriage , I lost my kid ive lost everything in life that I had. Ive given everything I have had to him. I even gave him a beautifull son. 

Then he hit me, like that is so easy to get over.....what pisses me off more then anything if I hit him its omg from his family but when they all knew he hit me they acted like it wasnt that big of a deal they just take his side  and they take total control of his other 2 daughters I make one opinion and I get yelled at for it.....

Im not suppost to feel insecure when he pushes me away? How can I not he usto always wrap his arms around me kiss me and hold me then he cheated and now he doesn nothing! 

I have honestly just thought about taking a gun to my head and ending my life then to put up with anything anymore between my ex husband, him , his family etc.... errrrrrrr

Why cant he just put me 1st for one time


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

First if you feel so depressed that you want to end your life talk to your doctor, a psycho;ogist or the ER room.

Second this guy cheats on you, physically abuses you and you base your life around him. What about your son? You need to get your boy out of there.

draconis


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Please get counseling. You have so many issues. Wow! You are only 21 years old and already on your second marriage! I'm afraid you're going to continue with this cycle, and you are going to be unhappy. A good counselor can help you sort thru all of these issues and find peace. Reading marriage and self-help books can help too. Good luck!


----------



## Triton (Jul 8, 2008)

Get a Good counsler -because when this ends- and it will . You don't want to repeat the same thing over, over again throught out your life.Good luck !


----------



## mrs.mixedmessages (Aug 12, 2008)

I agree there are alot of issues to deal with, start with getting yourself healthy-happy and everything else will fall into place, you cannot help anyone including yourself when you are in the position you are at now! you need to put you first and your children 2nd and your hubbie somewhere in the when hell freezes over category.Good luck-and please seek some help, anyone but you need to get out! I usually am pushing for marriages to stay together but when their as toxic as this one ya gotta know when to say when!


----------



## oneheart_onesoul (Aug 13, 2008)

My hubby has done alot though, bi-polar people cant change over night. We went through alot together, he no longer drinks alchole that makes him angry, he has learned to control his anger he is no longer the abusive one however I am now the one who cant control hitting because I guess its repressive ? If thats the right word to be using. He works hard for his family and I . I just wish sometimes he would stand up for me or compliment me, his listening skills and mine are on 2 very diffrent paths and I think him and I need major help. Not just him, but myself and I think sometimes I forget to ackneowledge (sp?) to him that I know I have flaws to.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

oneheart_onesoul said:


> I think sometimes I forget to ackneowledge (sp?) to him that I know I have flaws to.


Im sure if you are hitting him, etc he's well aware of your flaws. Try and pull yourself out of this emotional chaos and take care of your own behavior. You only have so much energy and if you keep directing it towards him, his behavior, how your behavior is effecting him, then you will have little energy to spend on actually changing your own behavior. It takes an enormous amount of energy to change a small behavior in yourself. Start small. One day at a time. Set one simple goal. Something you know you can accomplish. If you overload your mind with ALL your troubles and EVERYTHING that needs to change you will become overwhelmed and just shut down. think about one very simple thing today that will make YOU feel better. Just keep it simple. Huge accomplishments are conquered by taking one small, simple step at a time, over a long period of time. It's a tedious, mind numbing process, but if you dont keep trying things will only get worse.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

oneheart_onesoul said:


> My hubby has done alot though, bi-polar people cant change over night. We went through alot together, he no longer drinks alchole that makes him angry, he has learned to control his anger he is no longer the abusive one however I am now the one who cant control hitting because I guess its repressive ? If thats the right word to be using. He works hard for his family and I . I just wish sometimes he would stand up for me or compliment me, his listening skills and mine are on 2 very diffrent paths and I think him and I need major help. Not just him, but myself and I think sometimes I forget to ackneowledge (sp?) to him that I know I have flaws to.


Take the first step and start to get the help that you need. Anything that helps you will help the relationship and in turn help him, thus making it easier for ou.

best of luck.

draconis


----------



## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Trust me we can all get fed up enough to do something drastic like taking your own life or the one of the person the is causing you pan and suffering, but that would only transfer the pain and suffering to your loved ones, Your children, parents, etc. and the person that you did it for or that caused you to do what you did will most likely not bat an eye or even get the meaning of your gesture.

I live with a horrible person sometimes, my Wife may be bi-polar, I suspect she might be due to her unstable behavior/personality and family history.

People don't understand why I stay with her because I have a million and one complaints of how horribly she treats me, verbally, mentally and even physically abusive sometime. She even threaten to call the police and tell them I had hit her so that they take me away and I have never hit her yet, no matter how much she deserved it.

I ask myself the same question sometime, and have to keep reminding myself to make a mental note of the times that she is not a complete b__ch and that keep up my resolve.

I tell myself that I stay for my son, I have children that are being raised by someone else and I don't want that for my new baby boy. 
My Mom stayed in an abusive relationship so that I may have a father, I didn't understand her reasoning while growing up because he was a jerk. He eventually changed enough to stop being a danger for my Mom and is now a great grandfather and father to me, and is good to my Mom. It didn't happen till I was out of the house and a father myself but it finally happened. 
I can honestly say that I love my Dad now and he has been there for me in times of need.
I guess I have hopes to do the same for my abusive, a-hole of a Wife but sometimes I too don't think I have the strength to see it through. Then I look into my sons eyes, play with him, teach him things, put him to bed and for a moment all the problems I have with my Wife are nothing compared to the happiness our son brings us both.


----------



## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

That was really touching carmen. Talk about being able to look at the big picture and put others first (your son). I wish you luck.


----------



## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

don't give anyone that much power to make you want to take your life. your life is worth living. you need to call 911 now if you are truly suicidal. please get help now!


----------

