# Controlling Behaviour



## WhirlyGig (Feb 5, 2011)

Ok,

Whilst I think I know the answer, I cannot help doubting my own feelings and conclusions. What I am going to describe it merely one part of a much bigger whole, but perhaps a good place to start....

Tonight I was out with my partner and with friends (A couple). My partner asks friends to persuade me to go to gym more often.Our (male) friend says I'm looking good, my partner says you should see him naked and laughs. I feel hurt. She later says this is due to my guilt over my not going to gym and my oversensitivity. Am I wrong to feel this way?

BTW: I am 5'11'' and 85kg - a little (very little) paunch.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

> Our (male) friend says I'm looking good, my partner says you should see him naked and laughs. I feel hurt.


No, you are not wrong to feel this way. 

It's one thing to say something like that to you in private, but absolutely not OK to say this to other people, with or without you there.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Her intention was only wishing you to go to gym to get healthy or 6 packs or whatever.
She didn't mean to hurt you.
What's wrong with 6 packs? Don't you like 6 packs?
If you're a already gym man, you won't feel it's hurtful.
Because you're not, when she proposed you the gym idea you would quickly take it as a negative criticism to defense your no gym interests. You feel hurt because you don't have 6 pack like the friend does. Anyway, let's go back to this proposal, do you want to get more muscle and build up 6 packs? If not, you can tell her, Yes, I know his body is great but I'm happy with mine in this way. Maybe I will think about it after my belly grows bigger.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I also wish my husband to go to gym more often. Not to get 6 packs but to run and lose some fat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhirlyGig (Feb 5, 2011)

I actually agree with the "go to gym more often" bit and have nothing against 6 packs - would love a six pack - It was the "You haven't seen him naked" bit that I felt was an inappropriate put down?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

WhirlyGig said:


> I actually agree with the "go to gym more often" bit and have nothing against 6 packs - would love a six pack - It was the "You haven't seen him naked" bit that I felt was an inappropriate put down?


Yes it was inappropriate and you need to respond to that.

However you need to take it as a very bad sign that she is becoming less attracted to you because of how you look. It may not be a weight issue so much as a muscle tone issue.

5' 11" and 187lbs is a BMI of 26 so you are in the overweight range medically.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Your wife made a big mistake. She forgot men won't interested in seeing men naked, but if he were a hot woman instead, you would have felt less hurtful.
Do you mind seeing a naked hot woman with a great body instead?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveless25 (Jan 5, 2011)

No you are not wrong to feel that way. Seriously how many guys are walking around with a six pack? That was also a messed up thing to say about you to friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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