# time to fly



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

one lonely sad day in December, I stumbled upon this website. My heart was truly broken. The love of my life wanted a divorce and I couldn't do anything about it. Truth is, I had faults but I was determined to fix them. I promised her I would change because I loved her so.

(never cheated or hit her etc but more helpful, productive, motivated etc). she said she wouldn't believe me. This shattered my heart because I opened my heart and I knew I was not valued and also because I was losing a beautiful woman. 

I was so sad but even then I knew my promise was good. It's hard to visit my mother at the cemetery because my ex mother in law is buried literally 5 feet away and i loved her so much as well. two years have past and luckily I have not seen my ex as I still need more time to grow. I know my love for her was true and may never end.

It's weird in a way knowing that I can date now cause im single but at the same time knowing that somewhere there's a woman that i promised to be her partner for life. I would have done anything for her and now i'm doing things for me one day at a time. 

for anyone who had no choice in the divorce and is forced to move on, i dedicate this song to you. and things get better it just takes time


Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise


 BEATLES - BLACKBIRD LYRICS


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

as i woke up crying this morning about just this very thing, it was nice to read your post. I too am divorced from the love of my life, someone I believed I would grow old with after 27 years of marriage. It wasnt perfect, sometimes it wasn't even good, but we could have saved it if we worked together, if he even gave it a chance. And I just don't seem to be able to move on. I have dated, broke it up cause my heart isn't free to give away. He is dating, pretty serious I guess, he introduced our sons to her last week. All I can think about is how it could have been saved. I finally drew the line and stopped seeing and communicating with him. Well, most of the time anyway. I did send a sad email yesterday, hey I'm in recovery, I am gonna relapse once in a while. Today is 2 years since he moved out, got a different address than mine. Just sad. I do have hope for the future, I am sure it will get better, just tired of being sad. Thanks again for sharing


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

yes, it's hard sometimes but I try to focus on myself. somedays I just cant help it. I think the biggest impact was how ugly and disrespectful I was left. As if i posses no value. my mental health was not in a good place. took hard work just to get here but im ok. one day at a time and i do feel a new person helps but i still need to work on myself a bit more before i do that. wish u the best


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## waroftheroses (Dec 30, 2011)

STILL........

I read your post today and thought it deserved a reply...
I was married for 27 years too...we were together for 30 years in total...then I discovered her PA to a co worker, went through the nightmare of false reconciliation ...and finally divorce which was catastrophic for me ...our children and grandchildren.

I have not seen or spoken to my 'ex' in two years..its been absolutely hell not wanting to email..phone...or visit but the 180 has helped me move on....

Last week the 'ex' got remarried...it had little effect on my emotions...my future is no longer with her...her family...the 'ex' MIL and FIL...who I loved immensely .... Life does go on...you will eventually feel stronger..I give you my word...!!

As for wedding vows and growing old together, I too never ever thought it would come to this....
So take this new opportunity to love and care for yourself...you will survive and you and 'FERNDOG' will be in my thoughts...

Take care....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I do think the person on the receiving end of the divorce, of an unwanted divorce, has it worse off as far as healing goes and coming to terms in it.

The good thing about not having been the one who initiated it though is that this person realizes how big their committment was and is. Also, they never have to wonder "what if" with regards to ending the marriage. Because they did not end it, the other person did.

You are right--with time, it does get better.


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## waroftheroses (Dec 30, 2011)

Jelly,

Ditto to every word you wrote...
On a side note...lovely to see your name and I still lurk even after two years....ha ha ha

Take care...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

::waves:: nice to see you too


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I do think the person on the receiving end of the divorce, of an unwanted divorce, has it worse off as far as healing goes and coming to terms in it.
> 
> The good thing about not having been the one who initiated it though is that this person realizes how big their committment was and is. Also, they never have to wonder "what if" with regards to ending the marriage. Because they did not end it, the other person did.
> 
> You are right--with time, it does get better.


I could not agree more. I made a promise and would have kept it.

If you can't keep the promise don't make it. I have come to believe that marriage should be banned because it seems to be a contract that leads to pain like drinking or texting while driving.

Make marriage illegal. The lawyers are the only winners.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

waroftheroses said:


> STILL........
> 
> I read your post today and thought it deserved a reply...
> I was married for 27 years too...we were together for 30 years in total...then I discovered her PA to a co worker, went through the nightmare of false reconciliation ...and finally divorce which was catastrophic for me ...our children and grandchildren.
> ...


Would anybody in their right mind take a chance on a person that did not have the decency to end their marriage before they started [email protected]!ng someone else? Who doesn't believe that person is just going to cheat again. 

If I came across the new spouse, I would have that conversation just to cause trouble.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stretch said:


> Make marriage illegal.


:rofl:


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

War, you are right, it has already helped me not to see or talk to him (at least not too often) in the last two weeks. It can only get better with time. I worry about my children too. The oldest actually told me that he thought marriage was outdated, unneeded. I told him that just because one person decided not to take their vows seriously and see them through, doesn't mean that marriage is not a good thing. Marriage kept our family working together for a long time and will continue to do that for a long time to come. It was the commitment that gave us the foundation for all those years and I would not have done it any other way


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## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

Your post helped me greatly as well. I'll probably read it every morning. It's like you're telling my story at the beginning. My divorce isn't final yet, but it's only a formality at this point. My marriage was over for my ex wife over a year ago (according to her). And yes, if she would have given me a chance, I know I would have kept every promise I made to her.


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

I just want the heartache to go away. I got up this morning, the sun is shining, I thought, its a good day to rake away some leaves and debris from last year, give the yard a fresh start. All I could think about was how we would be doing it together, that he is not with me right now because he is probably with his new girlfriend and how I need to get out of this house as soon as possible. 17 years worth of memories, but they are dragging me down right now. It was a happy place and I want it to stay that way


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