# Soul Of Confusion



## sumjing (Mar 26, 2009)

1st time with this form of communication. I'm not sure what to do anymore. My wife of 13 yrs, 4-13-09, has cheated on me again-second time.
the 1st time was after 5yrs & we went through counseling. Just recently found out she has had an affair again this year for the past 3 months. Found out much of what was going on. We have 2 children that are my world (she is too, but I am lost right now). I told her that we are done & also told her that I will do whatever to protect the kids from this crud (try for total custody). At that point she said she wanted to stay and will stop contact with this guy & go to counseling as she can't be without her kids.
I am in such a lost world of confusion right now. I have many emotions. My kids are my main focus as I love them for all that I am. For them, I say I guess I need to try to work on this & be a better husband. I truly know that I haven't given much\proper nurturing of our marriage\relationship. I want to do better. We have discussed this and agreed that it is both of us that haven't given 100%. We both also understand that SHE decided to have the affair though.
I don't know what to do at this point. I want to protect my kids\family and move forward, but am worried that she is working on some master plan & will bail. I have seen that she has been looking up divorce on the internet, which ultimately makes me believe she isn't trying to make this work.
I am so lost in my world right now...everything.
I feel like a failure whenever I look at my children.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

File first. Pre-empt her. Get the process moving. The longer you take, the better her position is. Go for total custody. Later you both can renegotiate, but keep it in your control now. If she files first, she may end up with the kids!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

drim is right. You need to file immediately. Cancel all joint bank accounts and tell the credit card companies that you lost your credit cards. DO NOT LISTEN TO HER PROMISES. 2 affairs in 5 years? She is a serial cheater.


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## sumjing (Mar 26, 2009)

So if this is the next step, how do I file? I am sooo lost. Do I just contact a lawyer and say I am filing for divorce.
I guess I don't know what I should be requesting for.
Thanks for the replies. I truly am in a crumbled environment & feel extremely hurt.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Guy,

You know her, will she go for the money bags or simply walk away.

First see a lawyer for a divorce petition.

Then listen to him.

Sorry dude for your pain, but trust me it gets better.


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## sumjing (Mar 26, 2009)

I don't have the money & don't think she would do that. I think she is wanting to go to counseling as she doesn't want to lose any type of custody of the kids.
I don't know if she is thinking, well I can "try" and then say "sorry, it isn't gonna work". then she can show the court system that she made an attempt to reconcile instead of doing nothing.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Guy,

If you don't have money, nor does she.

Simple divorce very cheap.

Working it out, that is verbla and adultery not reason for divorce in NYC, so its considered unworkable differences.

Any workout attempt is not part of divorce read above.

Stop being the victim, time to stand up.

Unless you don't mind her having men, i do have a couple that has that releationship.

She lives in basement, and peys husband rent, yet can come home with a man in hand.


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## fatherof3 (Jan 13, 2009)

You don't deserve this being done to you...What's gonna happen next time she does it...My children are also my top priority, but there comes a time when you must make the decision about YOU....It sounds like to me she only wants to work on it because you threatend full custody..


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