# Am I over thinking this.



## secret_user_101 (Jul 6, 2009)

My husband and I met about three years ago. Our relationship started off perfect. I was convinced he was my soulmate. I did feel like maybe he did come on a little strong and did move a little too fast. I was afraid to tell him about my past and so I lied or just held back when I talked about it. Eventually I came clean and our relationship was strictly fights and jealousy for a year and a half after that. I just kept convincing myself that I would get the man I thought was my soulmate back. We eventually moved away from our families and moved around for about a year. It had gotten so bad between us that we just ignored each other after that. His son came to live with us and soon after his daughter. I finally could not take our heartlessness towards each other anymore and I moved back to be with my family. As soon as I moved he did a complete turn around. He did everything I wanted from him for years. He was loving over the phone he said he loved me (something that had not even been initiated by him first for a long time) he told me his feelings about me for once. I still was mad at him and I still did not miss him as much as I had thought. But, he was convincing enough that I returned thinking these feelings would return eventually on my part. Well, at first things were great, he was great. Then they just fell back into a routine for him. Everything is always business for him now. He had no time for us talk, only talk about what we have to do to get ahead. What our plans should be. Eventually we agreed to do a courthouse wedding and then have our actual wedding later. We mostly did it for the kids and for legal purposes. It just felt like the right thing to do. Well, it was special to me and I took it seriously. He however did not seem to. The look in his eyes when he was saying his vows was so empty. I know his looks and there was no love in those eyes. We have been married now a couple of months and are supposed to be planning our wedding. He shows no excitement towards our wedding. He is now at a point where I do nothing right. It seems like everything is somehow turned into my fault. I am a pleaser and my only request is that I get some of it in return. I never do. He thinks that his way of showing love is by buying me things. There is so much more that is required, at least by me. I always say "I love you" and first it is never said by him first anymore. When we have relations he never looks me in the eye or even seems like he is into it with me. He always expects everything from me like massages and sexual favors but never ever returns the favors. When I try and talk to him about stuff like that he never does it just because I asked, that is what he tells me. So, I try and not ask and still nothing. He is the only one working right now because the kid's mom backed out on taking them this summer and it costs more for me to work then for me to stay home. He expects me to do all these things all the time while I am home. I do what I can but I am not perfect. I just always feel like I am never good enough for him. I am afraid to refrain from sex with him because when we did for awhile he started talking dirty to an ex fling via myspace. That was before we were married but still. I have so many doubts like he is not into me or even passionate about us like he used be. He also is anti-God. I believe in God and I might not be 100% positive the Bible is real I still get offended when he mocks it or Jesus or God. My best friend says that I should be with someone who believes the same as I do. Even if I wanted to get out now it would be so hard. I mean there is the step children and I have no money because he has it all. I just feel like maybe I am being too needy or maybe I will regret it down the road. I just feel like there is someone better for each of us out there. I know he will be so mad if I even try and bring this up. He hides his feelings all the time and when I try and express my feelings towards things he gets so mad or mocks them. When I cry he just laughs at me and says I am way to emotional. I just need someone who loves me as much as I love them. I feel so alone in this relationship. He tells me things like I am unable to have an adult conversation with him and that I am not supportive. I am nothing but supportive and I do have many adult conversations with him. I just think my feelings for him have faded since I left the first time and I don't think I have ever really gotten them back. I know this is long and maybe sounds a little whiny I just need some advice that is not bias from knowing either of us. What should I do. Should I leave anyways? Should I try and suck it up longer and deal with it. It all comes down to the fact that I am not happy and I always keep doubting us and my love for him and his love for me.


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## EvilVodka (Jul 6, 2009)

If you're not happy, maybe you should tell him that...if he doesn't take how you feel seriously, then maybe you should hit the road


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

secret_user_101 said:


> He thinks that his way of showing love is by buying me things. There is so much more that is required, at least by me. I always say "I love you" and first it is never said by him first anymore.


I would recommend you both read 'The 5 Love Languages' by Chapman. Not that it will solve all of your issues, but it may shed some light on what you need/he needs to feel loved.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Am sorry you are going through this.
You should not have let him talk you back into him with his "nice" voice and temporary "caring".
He is using you as a sitter for the summer, you gave up your job for his kids!

I think you know this isn't going to work and you are not ever going to get what you DESERVE from him.

Just pack your stuff and leave, leaving a note that it was a mistake to come back.

Life is better than what you are living.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Maybe I missed it, as that was sure a long post but

for me... if I were in his shoes... it would depend on what that secret you held back was,

as there are secrets ( youtr past )and there are secrets.

Depending upon what it was, it could change how I looked upon my partner.


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