# What are your experiences with Monkey Branching?



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Spin off from another thread where the OP was kind of shocked that her separated H was going to meet some other woman after bedding her for the last several months. 

Monkey Branching is thing and many people seemingly go from one relationship into the other. It is usually considered a female trait but men can appear to monkey swing too but I think the mechanics are typically somewhat different between the girls and the boys. 

What are some of your firsthand experiences with monkey branching whether you were the one that swung from one relationship right into the next or whether you had a former partner that was declaring their love and devotion to you one day to packing bags and moving in with their next partner within days. 

I personally have had a few different LTR GFs swear love and devotion and were always game suddenly go cold and within a few days gave me the ILYBNILWY and then within another day or two were hot and heavy with someone else. 

One swore her love while I was staying at her house for a few weeks before I could move into another apartment and one night she got home from work around 3 am (she worked evening shift until 11pm) smelling of beer and cigarettes. The next day she said she and some girls from work had a GNO and met some other girlfriends at the bar. The next night, the same thing. The next night the same etc. 

Then basically radio silence. 

i moved into my apartment a few days later and she would return my calls but was always "busy" and always going out with the girls. 

Finally I assumed there was another dude and confronted her. She denied adamantly that she was seeing another man but then said she was going to be moving in with this GF of her work friend. ..... I think you can see where this is going...

Yup, she gave me the boot and moved in with this other woman within a week or so. 

She not only monkey branched away from me, she swung to the whole other side of the fence within a matter of days. 

She was only with that particular woman for awhile but has lived openly as a lesbian ever since. 

I can go on with others but I want to hear about your experiences. Do you have a monkey branch as either the brancher or the branchee that you'd like to share?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not sure if this would qualify but it’s my only experience with something similar. My ex-husband didn’t want a divorce. He was very content to have both a wife and a gf. Why not. When I told him I was divorcing him, he fought hard to convince me to change my mind because … love, devotion, everything, blah, blah, blah. When I refused to reconsider, he found a new gf five minutes later and then he was madly in love with her five minutes after meeting her and then he married her the moment the divorce decree was signed. He had only known her a few months at that point but apparently he couldn’t handle the idea of not being married. Or something. Who knows.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Openminded said:


> Not sure if this would qualify but it’s my only experience with something similar. My ex-husband didn’t want a divorce. He was very content to have both a wife and a gf. Why not. When I told him I was divorcing him, he fought hard to convince me to change my mind because … love, devotion, everything, blah, blah, blah. When I refused to reconsider, he found a new gf five minutes later and then he was madly in love with her five minutes after meeting her and then he married her the moment the divorce decree was signed. He had only known her a few months at that point but apparently he couldn’t handle the idea of not being married. Or something. Who knows.


I’d say that counts.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I'm not sure if mine qualifies either, yet my wife was in an ongoing sexual relationship with another man, when she asked me out on our first date. Following us frequently sharing lunch together at work, for a couple of weeks at her request.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Gender doesn’t matter. There are people who do not like to be alone. So if they are unhappy in their relationship but don’t want to be alone, they meet other potential people behind their partners back and when it’s safe to leave (a guaranteed next partner), they do. 

Some people are black and white, they are happy or unhappy in a relationship. A lot of people are gray. Things could be better, they could be worse, I can make a life with this person if I HAVE to and no one better comes alone. That type of thing.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I don’t have any experience with monkey branching, but I have to say that I love it when my guy friends/ ex boyfriends that’s are now friends stop talking to me out of respect for their girlfriends. I love it. I find it such good character. And I always think to myself what a lucky girl his girlfriend is.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Not sure if this would qualify but it’s my only experience with something similar. My ex-husband didn’t want a divorce. He was very content to have both a wife and a gf. Why not. When I told him I was divorcing him, he fought hard to convince me to change my mind because … love, devotion, everything, blah, blah, blah. When I refused to reconsider, he found a new gf five minutes later and then he was madly in love with her five minutes after meeting her and then he married her the moment the divorce decree was signed. He had only known her a few months at that point but apparently he couldn’t handle the idea of not being married. Or something. Who knows.


I do think that many men struggle with the idea of being on their own. I know SO many men who were either divorced or widowed who jumped SO fast into a new relationship and marriage, but I hardly know of any women who did that. I believe that women cope far better with being on their own, even caring for children as well most of the time.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I do think that many men struggle with the idea of being on their own. I know SO many men who were either divorced or widowed who jumped SO fast into a new relationship and marriage, but I hardly know of any women who did that. I believe that women cope far better with being on their own, even caring for children as well most of the time.


I agree. And I think the women who jump quickly are the ones who want kids so there is pressure to do so.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I do think that many men struggle with the idea of being on their own. I know SO many men who were either divorced or widowed who jumped SO fast into a new relationship and marriage, but I hardly know of any women who did that. I believe that women cope far better with being on their own, even caring for children as well most of the time.


I think divorces and widowed are separate catagories. 

In those cases everyone knows the relationship has ended or is at least coming to an end. 

I’m talking about someone seemingly invested in a relationship and perhaps even swearing their love and devotion on Tuesday, then hot and heavy in another relationship by that weekend.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> I agree. And I think the women who jump quickly are the ones who want kids so there is pressure to do so.


When you say ‘jumping quickly’ are you referring to getting back into another relationship after one has ended, or are you referring to being in one relationship Friday afternoon but in another relationship by Saturday night? 

This is all kind of a matter of degrees and semantics to a certain degree but a true monkey swing is being seemingly invested in one relationship one day and then being in another relationship the next.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> I think divorces and widowed are separate catagories.
> 
> In those cases everyone knows the relationship has ended or is at least coming to an end.
> 
> I’m talking about someone seemingly invested in a relationship and perhaps even swearing their love and devotion on Tuesday, then hot and heavy in another relationship by that weekend.


Monkey branching is when someone basically starts another relationship, or secures another relationship before leaving their current relationship.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Let me give another example: My first love and real GF in my youth had been hot and heavy for almost a year (which is a lifetime when you are 18/19)

One weekend I did feel a disturbance in The Force and I came right out and asked her if things were ok or if there was some kind of issue.

She swore up and down that we were good and that she was stressed with work, family issues blah blah blah but that we were good and there was no one else and that we were solid as a couple yadda yadda yadda.

All was well the next few days but on a Wed or Thurs she called my MOM (she didn’t call me but called my mom) and told her that she would be out of town and not available that weekend. 

Well she was out of town alright. She spent the weekend with another dude and now they were together and I last week’s news. 

I got the, “sorry but I am seeing someone else now” speech when she got back Sunday. 

That is a monkey swing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> Monkey branching is when someone basically starts another relationship, or secures another relationship before leaving their current relationship.


Yes. 

I think the key element to it is the new new relationship is at least somewhat secured before leaving the other. 

The monkey doesn’t let go of the first branch until it has a firm grip on the other branch and knows that it will hold him/her before letting go of the other branch.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I think this is probably VERY common for a number of reasons, and MOST people will stay in unhappy established relationships until they find the motivation to leave. I think the deception of it can be from wanting to make sure the new relationship is worth leaving the current one for, or from not wanting to have any confrontation, or not wanting to disrupt the status quo until the timing is "right"...or to even fear of the current partner's reaction.

The only thing I've ever known of personally were exit affairs - one I supported (my step-dad), and one that disgusted me (my sister). I will say with my step-dad, he didn't actually HAVE a physical affair with her until he had left my mom, but when he decided he wanted to be with a new partner, he shut his marriage down the next day.

My sister kept the deception up with her husband for months so she could get everything perfectly set for herself before HE had a clue she was going to leave...then she did everything she could to submarine him in the divorce (and failed).
I remember being on the phone with him after, and his total bewilderment that she had left telling him how miserable she was, after just THE WEEK BEFORE in front of all his fellow State Trooper buddies and their wives, declaring how wonderful their 20yr marriage was and how wonderfully they had weathered the difficulties to get to such a great place. 
Like I said...DISGUSTING.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

When I divorced my now-ex-husband, the entire process took 10 weeks - from the first time I ever said "I want a divorce," to receiving the signed and recorded final decree back from the court in the mail. Our son and I didn't move out of the marital home until 3 days after the final paperwork came back.

My ex-husband was openly dating his now-wife, and introducing her to our son, within 3 months of us moving out. She was living with him another 3 months later and they were married a year after that. Not sure if he was seeing her while we were in the divorce process, and still sharing a home, but I suspect so.

But, then, I wasn't really surprised. He was, and still is, a serial cheater. Just being single so he can shag whoever's available doesn't seem to really do it for him. He also really _hates_ managing real life stuff and really l_oves_ the image of himself as a happy - and supremely respectable - family man. He seems to require a string of frequent affairs *and* the stability of a primary relationship/wife.

I think he's probably a bit of both a monkey-branch-er and a plate spinner.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

The thought of being in a relationship with someone who is monkey branching stresses me out. Especially if your going along and think everything is fine. Ah this thread is making me paranoid lol.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> The thought of being in a relationship with someone who is monkey branching stresses me out. Especially if your going along and think everything is fine. Ah this thread is making me paranoid lol.


You aren't in any more danger of being deceived with "monkey branching" as you are from anything else that challenges relationships, so there's NO need to worry, if you feel that your relationship is happy and solid! It's a form of cheating, so don't give it any more thought or worry than you would that you are being cheated on.

No one can predict or control what another person decides to do, but in general, people who are happy and invested in their relationships don't look for new ones and monkey branch! NO WORRIES!!!


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Spin off from another thread where the OP was kind of shocked that her separated H was going to meet some other woman after bedding her for the last several months.
> 
> Monkey Branching is thing and many people seemingly go from one relationship into the other. It is usually considered a female trait but men can appear to monkey swing too but I think the mechanics are typically somewhat different between the girls and the boys.
> 
> ...


i dont know, after you she went to bat for the other team.
what does that imply...


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

oldtruck said:


> i dont know, after you she went to bat for the other team.
> what does that imply...


Be niceeeee.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldtruck said:


> i dont know, after you she went to bat for the other team.
> what does that imply...


Two ways to look at that. 

One is I was sooo bad that not only did she dump me but she dumped the whole male race.

The other way to look at it is no matter how great a man is, he still cant be a chick so there really wasn’t anything to work with there.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I dunno, my experience with monkey branchers is more like:


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Be niceeeee.





oldshirt said:


> Two ways to look at that.
> 
> One is I was sooo bad that not only did she dump me but she dumped the whole male race.
> 
> The other way to look at it is no matter how great a man is, he still cant be a chick so there really wasn’t anything to work with there.


i am nice

some people live in Egypt, the land of denial


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> The thought of being in a relationship with someone who is monkey branching stresses me out. Especially if your going along and think everything is fine. Ah this thread is making me paranoid lol.


I’ve been monkey branched a few times over the years. 

Most of the time I take an “if it happens, it happens” approach but otherwise live my life. 

Where it had an impact is when menopause and all it’s associated issues came along, my wife took on that same cold, detached persona and cold, passionless pecks on the cheek and rigid, standoffish hugs that the monkey branchers did in the days right before their swing. 

If I came home early from work, I kind of expected to find a moving truck or some other dude’s car in the driveway.

I was always waiting for the ax to come down.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I walked by some monkeys while I was in the company of other humans.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I haven't been monkey branched but my 2 partners of the past 10 years have been shopping around shall we say and/or cheated. Neither of them started a relationship straight away but both started dating other people pretty soon. It has always seemed weird to me to do that. Do you think it's insecurity? They just don't want to be alone? What?


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

When I was in college, I had a conversation over lunch with a group of ladies I was friends with back then. One girl was beautiful, probably one of the prettiest, most desirable women at our school. We were talking about monkey branching even if we didn't mention it by name. According to the pretty girl, she would never leave her BF without someone else there lined up to take his spot. 

From my experience, and my observations, monkey branching is just what you can expect these days. I think most people are doing it. If you find that your relationship partner has been acting different lately and doesn't seem as invested anymore, keep your eyes open. A lot of people can't help themselves from talking about their newest romantic interest, even when talking to their current relationship partner. Your partner will likely leave you for that new co-worker or new friend that popped up on social media.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Monkey branching is just human nature. We are always looking to make sure of ourselves and our needs.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Along the same lines, I've seen it mentioned here that it is common for a happily married woman to have theoretical backup options, or at least some sort of game plan of who she would reach out to if a divorce occured. (Monkey branching pre-planning essentially)

Is there truth to this?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

There's a chicken and the egg element here. Was the relationship floundering and likely going to end, and then they found someone new and the end date moved up. Or was the relationship okay and then they found someone more appealing, and the current relationship survived until the new one was solidified? It's not always clear.

Both men and women branch swing. If there's a meme level of generalized difference, women let go of the old branch faster, while men try and hold onto both branches as long as possible.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

re16 said:


> Along the same lines, I've seen it mentioned here that it is common for a happily married woman to have theoretical backup options, or at least some sort of game plan of who she would reach out to if a divorce occured. (Monkey branching pre-planning essentially)
> 
> Is there truth to this?


Yes. Her social media friends lists is where you will find her backup guys.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Atholk said:


> If there's a meme level of generalized difference, women let go of the old branch faster, while men try and hold onto both branches as long as possible.


Dude, do not meme the concept of monkey branching....unless you like being called a racist. Trust me.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

My XW had some guy living with her 2 months after I had moved out and filed for divorce. AFAIK she met him _*after *_I moved out and filed, but I have no idea when or how they met, and don't really care. 

Her M.O. was pretty much going from relationship to relationship all her life. She couldn't stand being on her own, and needed constant attention from men. 

On some level, I had known my marriage was over for years before I finally ended it, but I still waited a couple months before even deciding to date again, and over a year after that before I got into a serious relationship again.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Gender doesn’t matter. There are people who do not like to be alone. So if they are unhappy in their relationship but don’t want to be alone, they meet other potential people behind their partners back and when it’s safe to leave (a guaranteed next partner), they do.
> 
> Some people are black and white, they are happy or unhappy in a relationship. A lot of people are gray. Things could be better, they could be worse, I can make a life with this person if I HAVE to and no one better comes alone. That type of thing.


That's certainly food for thought. I've never understood people who can't be alone for even 24 hours. I certainly know they exist because I have friends that way. 

An old high school friend who I later dumped for being disloyal did a lot of monkey branching. She was always on the lookout. I mean I can't blame her for looking for a replacement for the couple of her boyfriends that I knew of, but I didn't understand why anyone would stay if they weren't really into the relationship. 

Someone monkey branched to me in a big way and it's one of my only regrets. He caught me at a time in my life when I was depressed from a bad breakup, we were friends and he had always been married and I thought happily. I was overwhelmed because I was working and at that time just trying to take a couple of night classes and mainly because I was really emotionally spent. 

So he shows up telling me he wants to be with me and that his wife has moved out. Now that may not sound like monkey branching, but it was because he literally could not face the thought of having to be single and alone for 24 hours. I was very Frank with him and I knew he was attracted to and interested in a couple of other girls, one of whom is still a friend of mine. the other was someone who had been after him ruthlessly even though he was married and lived in another state but was a client of his. 

But he just wore me down talking me into being with him and trying it, and I actually told him over and over that I wanted him to date other people first and did not want to be who he ran to during his divorce. So I was trying to resist despite him making me feel guilty because he considered me his best friend although I did not consider him my best friend. And then my apartment blew up from a gas explosion in another apartment and I was left hanging with nowhere to go. And that just kind of necessitated leaning on him in that moment and stayed over at his place having nowhere else to go. 

But he definitely was a monkey brancher and he monkey branched from me to the one that was after him that was out of state and married her. I wasn't even caring at the time because I wasn't comfortable with the whole situation anyway but looking back I'm pretty sure he was probably seeing her while he was seeing me which is the main thing I'm mad at him about. He knew I was reluctant so he should have at least done the decent thing. But I did later learn that she was in town for a week as well from one of his bandmates but I learned that decades later. 

I wish I'd known it then because I would have just told him go away. Because I did eventually get an apartment, a crummy one after making arrangements with the landlord of the gas explosion building. Anyway the boyfriend wanted me to get one and live together and I told him no and so he moved in next door to me just about four apartments down in this crummy building. 

it's weird because I had known him and worked with him and been friends for 3 years and I never knew that about him, that he couldn't be alone at all. I still don't get that. 

My best friend is also a monkey brancher though she's been married a long time now. But she monkey branched from her first marriage into her second aggressively in a long distance situation and she is who made all the moves which she now regrets. But she can't stand to be alone. A few years ago I asked her now that she had children did she think she could not have a man around. I don't think she herself knew.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Atholk said:


> Both men and women branch swing. If there's a meme level of generalized difference, women let go of the old branch faster, while men try and hold onto both branches as long as possible.


I believe this is generally true. 

Both men and women can move very fast from one relationship to a next but I think they each have a little different instinctive strategy.

I think men’s basic hardwiring leans towards polygamy where they will basically try to add another woman into the mix and won’t ditch the previous woman(s) unless they somehow have to. Men can spin plates for years if they are able. 

Women’s basic strategy leans more towards hypergamy where they will go with the best they can and discard the previous. 

If she secures a bigger, better deal, she’ll dump the previous relationship cold.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> I think men’s basic hardwiring leans towards polygamy where they will basically try to add another woman into the mix and won’t ditch the previous woman(s) unless they somehow have to. Men can spin plates for years if they are able.
> 
> Women’s basic strategy leans more towards hypergamy where they will go with the best they can and discard the previous.
> 
> If she secures a bigger, better deal, she’ll dump the previous relationship cold.


Each gender’s strategy is influenced by the other gender’s strategy as well.

Case in point, a man of high status and high desirability is able to spin plates because many women would prefer to share a very high status man than have an Average Joe of their own. 

Thus, men’s strategy is supported by women’s strategy because women will knowingly share a high status male ( they may bytch and moan and get catty in attempt to undermine the other women to try to get him to commit to her alone, but will be a plate in the mean time) 

Likewise women’s strategy of going for the bigger, better deal is influenced by the fact that a high-status man won’t accept a woman involved with other dudes even if he himself is spinning plates. In order to get with the high-status male, she has to cut ties with the lower status male. 

So in a way, women have other women to blame for men spinning plates because it’s women that allow them to do so.

Likewise in a way men have other men to blame for monkey branching away for them or for not being able to get any women at all because the higher status men will spin plates and have harems but won’t let their women get with other dudes. 

Hate the game not the player. It’s how we’re all wired.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

We encourage monkey branching in so many other facets of life. Don't quit your job until you have another one lined up! Don't move out until you have a new place arranged! It's the sensible and responsible thing to do, to have overlap to avoid that in-between stage where you don't know how you're going to meet your needs.

And then we're surprised when people do it in relationships?

Of course the honourable thing to do is to leave one relationship before even beginning the work of finding a new one. But a lot of people coast along in an 'adequate' relationship, or even a 'bad' one, because they still prefer it to being single, for many and various reasons. Obviously, it's a pretty selfish thing to do to a partner, especially if you continue to profess to love them madly. That kind of selfish people are probably personality types who are very receptive to affairs.

And when that sort of person finds a new relationship, having secretly sought it out, or by randomly stumbling across it, they selfishly don't want to end the first one until they are confident #2 is ready. Or they find they like having both, and prefer to maintain that as long as possible. Then if either one fails, the other is still there for them. They feel safer, even as they are setting up their spouse for the worst emotional pain imaginable.


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## Mrs.Sav (Mar 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> I don’t have any experience with monkey branching, but I have to say that I love it when my guy friends/ ex boyfriends that’s are now friends stop talking to me out of respect for their girlfriends. I love it. I find it such good character. And I always think to myself what a lucky girl his girlfriend is.


agreed! I had a male friend and our thing was to go to the bar down the block for their tasty chicken wings. When he started dating his now wife, he asked to come out one last time for those tasty wings because he wouldn’t feel right about meeting me one on one any longer being he was in a relationship now. My respect and admiration for him went up 10 notches that day. Lucky wife she is!


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