# Waking up disconnected?!?



## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

Hi, I found this site through google.

Hopefully I'm posting in the correct area.

A little background information : together for 5 years, married for 1.5 years

Last Wednesday/Thursday I became disconnected to my husband out of no where. Nothing triggered it, nothing caused it.

I don't want him to touch me. I don't want to cuddle or kiss and I certainly don't want to get sexual with him. When he's kissing me, in my head I just can't wait till he stops. When he touches me my body almost cringes. He even mentioned last night while he was kissing me that I seemed like I just wanted him to get away.

For the first time in 5 years I am telling him no for sex. I've never denied him sex before. He asks why and what's wrong..am I not attracted to him, what did he do, etc. I have no answers. He says he is depressed from this.

I don't know why this is happening and I don't know what to do about it.

I don't want to feel like this. I am so confused as to why I feel like this. 

This can't be a normal phase in marriage??

I need help. I need advice.

Thank you in advance.


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## alton (Jul 18, 2012)

Can't say I've ever come across anything like this before. Is it just kissing, touching etc that has changed or have your feelings for him also gone?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Are you absolutely sure nothing caused this disconnect?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

This one is strange

Have you had an thoughts about another man? Has anything changes recently? New prescription?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Sounds hormonal or something if you just woke up like that. Are you pregnant? I remember when I was pregnant with my first, after the first four months I felt totally gross if my partner touched me. Of course, we also were having problems and that didn't help.


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## cjpa (Jul 17, 2012)

Hmmm, yea strange. When I have felt like that toward my OH it's because I am resenting him for something. Has he said/done anything at all lately that you didn't like? You may have taken something lightly trying to be tough but inside it's really bugging you. 

If there is honestly nothing wrong, then I say it's just a phase and will pass, don't sweat it yet and give it some time.


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

I still love him. I still want to be with him.

There is no other man.

If anything things have been better this past month then ever before. We did go through a phase of lack of affection from him..but he's done a 180 with that and is doing great with giving me the affection that I need.

I don't think I'm pregnant. We are pretty careful with that. We already have a child and decided that we were gonna get more financially stable before having another.

This is so baffling.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Are you getting unconscious signals from him about something?? Did you have a dream?


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Are you getting unconscious signals from him about something?? Did you have a dream?


Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

He still tries to be affectionate even though he's getting nothing back for the last week.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

> *For the first time in 5 years I am telling him no for sex. I've never denied him sex before.* He asks why and what's wrong..am I not attracted to him, what did he do, etc. I have no answers. He says he is depressed from this.


Sorry to see you going through this. I quoted from the OP something that I think is of possible use to figure out what is wrong. It sounds almost unbelievable that you would have never denied any of your husbands advances during your first five years together. If you never denied him sex when he's asked for it - even though you may not have wanted to do it - could you possibly have built up some resentment against him that has resulted in these feelings?

Maybe now that your husband has been working more on himself to make himself a better husband, maybe this has opened up some feelings within you that you may want to get off your chest? Issues that you've had problems with but never told him before? I'm just spitballing here to see if anything jumps out at you.


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Sorry to see you going through this. I quoted from the OP something that I think is of possible use to figure out what is wrong. It sounds almost unbelievable that you would have never denied any of your husbands advances during your first five years together. If you never denied him sex when he's asked for it - even though you may not have wanted to do it - could you possibly have built up some resentment against him that has resulted in these feelings?
> 
> Maybe now that your husband has been working more on himself to make himself a better husband, maybe this has opened up some feelings within you that you may want to get off your chest? Issues that you've had problems with but never told him before? I'm just spitballing here to see if anything jumps out at you.


At one point he got lazy with foreplay and affection to pursue sex with me. It was almost like take your pants off..thrust..cum... go to bed. It sucked. But things have gotten a lot better and that is no longer an issue anymore. 

Maybe I built up resentment to that? But wouldn't I know that that is the reason for my feeling this way?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Perhaps SA will show up here. Shes kiinda like the Ferris Bueller of TAM!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

confused33064 said:


> At one point he got lazy with foreplay and affection to pursue sex with me. It was almost like take your pants off..thrust..cum... go to bed. It sucked. But things have gotten a lot better and that is no longer an issue anymore.
> 
> Maybe I built up resentment to that? But wouldn't I know that that is the reason for my feeling this way?


I guess you need to ask yourself if you feel that the new and improved husband is here to stay or is he going to revert back to his habit of "wham, bam, thank you ma'am"? Are you a skeptical or do you think his change is permanent? 

Another thought. Did you and your husband ever talk about why he changed his sexual interaction with you to cut out the foreplay? If your sex life made you feel more like a piece of meat instead of a loved wife, then maybe you are harboring some resentment of that and need to talk this through more before you can accept the improvements he made. I don't know, I'm kinda guessing here too to see if anything gives you the "eureka" response.


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I guess you need to ask yourself if you feel that the new and improved husband is here to stay or is he going to revert back to his habit of "wham, bam, thank you ma'am"? Are you a skeptical or do you think his change is permanent?
> 
> Another thought. Did you and your husband ever talk about why he changed his sexual interaction with you to cut out the foreplay? If your sex life made you feel more like a piece of meat instead of a loved wife, then maybe you are harboring some resentment of that and need to talk this through more before you can accept the improvements he made. I don't know, I'm kinda guessing here too to see if anything gives you the "eureka" response.


I haven't even thought much into him going back to what he used to be. I'm not skeptical about that.

We talked here and there about why he acted that way...he never gave me a full answer. He is the the of person that loves his sleep. Literally the second he hits the pillow, he's out. I think he was just being lazy and tired and for a while I let him get away with it. Then I finally told him how it made me feel..that I wasn't worth the effort, etc., and he changed his ways. 

I don't feel like I resent him for this. I don't feel like sex has anything to do with this. I just know that I don't want sex....or anything for that matter.

I'm sorry if this is going in circles. I'm just so confused! :banghead:


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

It's more than likely a hormonal shift. Almost all women experience shift or imbalance in hormones, and it affects women differently. For some, it can cause a surge in sexual desire while in others, it causes a decrease. And, it may not cause a noticeable effect at all. Go see your doctor and have yourself checked out. When it happened to me, my doctor suggested I could either get on the pill to bring my hormones back into balance or I could just wait and let it happen on its own. I chose to wait it out knowing I couldn't take birth control pills because they affect my kidneys.

Another possibility is you could be having an allergic reaction to something - medication, food, whatever. Is there anything you've eaten lately that you don't normally eat, or are you on any medication?

One thing I would like you to clarify is if you are disconnected from your husband or if you don't have any desire at all.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I meant to add that there is likely a treatment of some kind other than the pill. Ask your doctor about it if tests show your hormone levels are out of whack because hormonal birth control pills will cause a decrease in sexual desire even if they do serve to balance the hormones.


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

River1977 said:


> It's more than likely a hormonal shift. Almost all women experience shift or imbalance in hormones, and it affects women differently. For some, it can cause a surge in sexual desire while in others, it causes a decrease. And, it may not cause a noticeable effect at all. Go see your doctor and have yourself checked out. When it happened to me, my doctor suggested I could either get on the pill to bring my hormones back into balance or I could just wait and let it happen on its own. I chose to wait it out knowing I couldn't take birth control pills because they affect my kidneys.
> 
> Another possibility is you could be having an allergic reaction to something - medication, food, whatever. Is there anything you've eaten lately that you don't normally eat, or are you on any medication?
> 
> One thing I would like you to clarify is if you are disconnected from your husband or if you don't have any desire at all.


How long did your hormone surge last?

And I don't have any desire at all. It is not just towards him.


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

River1977 said:


> I meant to add that there is likely a treatment of some kind other than the pill. Ask your doctor about it if tests show your hormone levels are out of whack because hormonal birth control pills will cause a decrease in sexual desire even if they do serve to balance the hormones.


I have currently been off of birth control for 9 months.

Its just not sexual desire. I dont even want to hug my husband or give him a kiss hi or bye.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

confused33064 said:


> I have currently been off of birth control for 9 months.
> 
> Its just not sexual desire. I dont even want to hug my husband or give him a kiss hi or bye.


I bet your husband is beyond hurt over this sudden rejection.


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> I bet your husband is beyond hurt over this sudden rejection.




I don't even know what to make of all this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You're not pregnant, are you?


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## fullhour (Jul 18, 2012)

I don't understand how you can say that you don't know why you feel this way. Yes you do. Take some time and really think about what is causing this. Your own answer will be better than anything a stranger can come up with.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

confused33064 said:


> I don't even know what to make of all this.


You owe it to him to figure it out and fix it.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Are you on any medications? Do you have any medical conditions? You don't have to answer these Qs, but I suggest you see a doctor and figure out if it is a medical issue before doing anything else. The sudden onset is a bit strange. 

Do you think you're just rug-sweeping and denying problems and that your body is just trying to get your attention to deal with stuff? Long-shot, I know, but think about any and all unvoiced concerns or worries or problems you might have, something you're avoiding confronting... 

Also, is there anyone else you have the hots for maybe? A secret crush that you've never even mentioned to anyone? Sometimes that's the culprit. Have you lost your libido entirely or are you just repulsed by him or is it just redirected somewhere else?


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## confused33064 (Jul 18, 2012)

moxy said:


> Are you on any medications? Do you have any medical conditions? You don't have to answer these Qs, but I suggest you see a doctor and figure out if it is a medical issue before doing anything else. The sudden onset is a bit strange.
> 
> Do you think you're just rug-sweeping and denying problems and that your body is just trying to get your attention to deal with stuff? Long-shot, I know, but think about any and all unvoiced concerns or worries or problems you might have, something you're avoiding confronting...
> 
> Also, is there anyone else you have the hots for maybe? A secret crush that you've never even mentioned to anyone? Sometimes that's the culprit. Have you lost your libido entirely or are you just repulsed by him or is it just redirected somewhere else?


No medications, no medical conditions. 

I was supposed to get my period yesterday and didnt, but I have also never been regular with my cycle. Plus we have been careful since I've been off BC.

There is no secret crush. No one else.

I've completely lost my libido. I even tried to masturbate yesterday morning and I couldn't even get aroused. That being said it must be something with my hormones?


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