# Being the cause of unhappiness...



## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

I can't get past the fact that I couldn't make him happy anymore. How do I get past that and how will I ever think that I could make anyone happy.... I just can't kick that feeling.


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## CrazyBeautiful1 (Oct 21, 2013)

We aren't responsible for anyone else's happiness.. Just keep reminding yourself of that fact.

Maybe he blames you, but he was/is responsible for his own happiness.

I used to blame myself for not being able to make my STBX happy.. Til I realized that even without me, he is not happy. Simply, because he is not happy within himself and has no idea how to be genuinely happy. It's hard to be happy when you can never be satisfied with what you've got, always looking for something more.

Please don't blame yourself. At some point, you will find someone who is happy within themselves and who is happy simply by making you happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

You can't MAKE anyone happy. Therefore, you can't MAKE anyone unhappy. 

Happiness comes from within.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Exactly. :iagree:

Not only can you not make anyone happy, but we are all responsible for our own happiness. Often people wait until they perceive it is too late to change. You did not make him unhappy; he became unhappy. Did he discuss the things that made him unhappy? Usually the things that result in unhappiness are our own decisions. Marrying too young and being displeased with our choices made in haste, not communicating our needs and therefore not having them met - these are both things that are based on displeasure from within. 

That is why the most common advise here is to work on yourself. You have to be happy with YOU. Then that confidence radiates. It is scary and unrealistic to think you make anyone happy or that anyone can make YOU happy. Two people can be happy with themselves and involved in a relationship that brings fulfillment but that in and of itself is not happiness. That has to come first.

So work on YOU being happy with who you are and what is going on in your life.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

OP, you cant blame yourself for a person's lack of self maintainence. A persons happiness is first and foremost their OWN responsibility. 
It's like blaming yourself that your partner has bad breathe. It's THEIR job to brush.


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

Yeah, I get all of that... and I try not to think that way, but it's really hard. It's hard to work on me when I just think about causing someone to be happy. Ya know? It's hard getting those thoughts out of my mind. 

Damn it, there needs to be a switch for feelings, LOL!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How are you causing him to be unhappy?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

My ex wife, having for years maintained a secret dialogue with an old boyfriend, going to lunch with him, etc., without my knowledge, an without me knowing there was anything wrong with our marriage.... made me unhappy, by cheating, and lying and destroying our marriage/family. 
In a "marriage" scenario, it is true that you cannot make another person happy, but for the same token, you can darn sure make them unhappy....


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> My ex wife, having for years maintained a secret dialogue with an old boyfriend, going to lunch with him, etc., without my knowledge, an without me knowing there was anything wrong with our marriage.... made me unhappy, by cheating, and lying and destroying our marriage/family.
> In a "marriage" scenario, it is true that you cannot make another person happy, but for the same token, you can darn sure make them unhappy....


Shoo, I am somewhat familiar with your story. It is very similar to mine.

I admit, I was unhappy after my wife's betrayal.

Then I realized I was unhappy because I chose to be. I could not conceive of being happy without her. I placed my happiness in her.

It was my choice to be unhappy because I placed conditions on my happiness.

Realizing this empowers you to change.

Others actions can bring you pleasure or pain. They don't have power over your happiness unless you give it to them.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

ihatethis said:


> I can't get past the fact that I couldn't make him happy anymore. How do I get past that and how will I ever think that I could make anyone happy.... I just can't kick that feeling.


Your purpose in life is not to make anyone but yourself happy.
Once you have achieved self happiness, the rest will fall in place.

Smile.


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> Your purpose in life is not to make anyone but yourself happy.
> Once you have achieved self happiness, the rest will fall in place.
> 
> Smile.


I sure hope that it happens like that.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ihatethis said:


> I sure hope that it happens like that.


Stop hoping and start making.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Ceegee said:


> Shoo, I am somewhat familiar with your story. It is very similar to mine.
> 
> I admit, I was unhappy after my wife's betrayal.
> 
> ...


I chose to be unhappy after the same thing. One day I woke up and realized that we had been divorced for a long damn time and I couldn't hold her responsible for me being unhappy anymore. It became my burden. During the first couple of years after divorce I gave that power away and had a built in excuse to be unhappy by reliving the betrayal over and over again and feeling like I got the bad end of the stick.


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## OpenEnded (Jul 30, 2012)

Happiness is in the present. Here and now. All you need to do is to want to be happy. Want it like a hungry man who has not eaten for weeks. And then suddenly you'll be surrounded by happy people. It is like magic.



PS. And just accept the fact you can not make anybody happy. It is their choice.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You are not responsible for anyone's happiness.

With time, this pain will lessen. 

Promise.

Keep your head up.


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> You are not responsible for anyone's happiness.
> 
> With time, this pain will lessen.
> 
> ...


Thanks for that, I appreciate it.


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