# My "genes" and I keep getting blame for children's personality



## india (Sep 11, 2010)

I have one child diagnosed with ADHD, another who may be a borderline case. For 10 years, I have heard abuses hurled at my family, curses and swear words directed at my parents for getting someone with "abnormal genes" married in the first place (although no one in my side of e family has had any history of such problems). I have had a wonderful family-oriented childhood, a brilliant academic track record, post-grad education and could have had a successful career in finance had I chosen to work after kids were born. They do have issues, but each time something comes up, the first person blamed is me, right in front of the children. Somehow, instead of correcting the problem, it becomes a blame-mongering and accusing game. I am the silent type - can't argue cos it's just not natural to me. But I'm hurting inside. I can't leave because financially the children are very well-supported for all their needs. I've been away from work too long to start over... Just needed to get this out to someone...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Why are your "genes" getting blamed? Is there a DNA test which can now pinpoint the problem?! While 50% of your childrens' DNA came from you, the other 50% came from their dad. Blame the problem on their dad, the environment, or their diet. From your accomplishments it doesn't sound to me like you have/had a problem with ADHD.:scratchhead:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Blaming you is a symptom of abuse, or at least control.

It will never change until YOU do. You can go to a therapist to gain the confidence to stand up for yourself and the belief that you deserve it.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You cannot be blamed for this. While often ADHD (my kids both have it) does come genetically from one parent or the other, they do not know how or why, and it also can come from other things, such as diet, environment, etc. They have not been able to pinpoint any specific cause/gene, anything. 

I agree with turnera that you need to stand up for yourself. Don't let him/them continue to blame you for something that is out of your control. 

Especially when your kids have ADHD, or any special needs/learning disabilities, you need the support of family and friends to handle everything that goes along with it. Seeing a therapist could be good for you, but you also might want to consider finding some support groups for parents of kids with ADHD, either online or in person. Not only will that give you a place to talk to others who can identify with you and help you, but it will also help you realize that kids from all over, all kinds of families, have ADHD and there is no way you can be blamed for it.


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