# Sexless marriage frustrated husband



## Montero00 (Jan 25, 2015)

Im 40 wife 37. When we moved in and got engaged 11 years ago sex stopped. She made it clear through constant rejection that we would be intimate when she decides. Typically that was 3-4 times a year when she went out and had too much wine etc. she denied this was case.

When we wanted a child and she found out she was pregnant she didnt touch me again for 18 months. Our sex life the last 7 years has been maybe once a year, it is usually when she decides its something we are "supposed" to do like an aniversary. I have not been allowed to initiate an intimate moment in 8 years. Rejected every time. She wants no affection, flirting nothing . Literally go a year without even putting hand on my shoulder. Talked couple times usually turns into fight. She says if i treated her better she would want to be with me. Chicken egg argument but i know what came first
I know what many say, you need to make her interested , date nights wine and dine etc. i think its BS Im not supposed to need her to do anything just be herself. Im supposed to want her that one time a year or she will be upset. Frustrating part is she expects to have relationship like everyone else otherwise. Ignores her big failure while highlighting how she thinks Im not a good husband or why our relationship is no good.
I really feel she fell in love with me and married me for a lot of reasons but i wasnt her type physically. She thought she could overcome that but clearly not. She will never admit this never. I find it impossible to be attracted to someone and not touch them for a year. I can live with it sum of rest of parts is greater ie" i dont want to be divorced broke and live in a rathole apt" . Problem is i cant act romantic once a year or treat her like a husband who gets sex would which is what she wants. Example: why do i need to kiss her before i go away for 2 nights? She hasnt kissed me in a year. I guess im all or nothing type. I dont make demands i dont throw her failure in her face. I just deal with it and carry on but her coming down on me for things she thinks is not being a good husband is pisding me off. The hypocrisy. Fyi she is stubborn never wrong never accepts anything being her fault so talking never goes well. Any thoughts advice or sharing your story would help. Thanks!


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Why are you staying, for the children? If you don't have children I would suggest leaving. She sounds cold. She isn't going to change because there is no reason to. She probably knows you aren't going to leave no matter how crappy she treats you. I don' think you are going to be able to fix her. When she wants to have sex with you that one time of year I would reject her. She probably feels more like a roommate than a wife to you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Revenge is your friend. I know it's not very nice to suggest that but how did Plato put it, the ends justify the means....

Really it all depends on your local courts and who stands to lose more in a divorce. Talk to a legal expert to see what you're in for alimony or child support wise and take it from there.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

sigh...oh john....stop scaring the children.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

You and/or your wife are a cheater waiting to happen - assuming she hasn't beaten you to the punch already.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

For reals?......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why did you marry her? You said it stopped when you got engaged, so you knew what you were getting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Why did you marry her? You said it stopped when you got engaged, so you knew what you were getting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh...yeah....and then years with almost nothing?

She seems bizarre but you more so for continuing for so long with an obviously strange and controlling whacko.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

she was like that and you had a child with her? :scratchhead:


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> sigh...oh john....stop scaring the children.



Not any more than seeing smoker lungs and car crashes in high school movies. After seven years of that one really needs a wake up call....

Humans being humans we are motivated by the desire to get even far more than we are for the allure of getting money or getting laid etc. In many cultures at least.

Typically there would be an affair likely as well... If you're in a healthy relationship these things simply don't register.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

badsanta said:


> Odds are if you treated her better, she would loose even more respect for you, but still keep you around because you are useful.


This depends on what her complaints are. 

But 11 years of not really dealing with the situation would be very hard to fix. They could try MC, meet each others needs but I imagine the resentment and hurt feelings on both sides is just too much by now. It would probably be better for the both of them to find someone more compatible.


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