# affair caused from lie wife told years ago



## Goingbackintimeagain (Aug 17, 2014)

my wife and i have been married for almost 15 years. we met in college in our dorm. however, I actually met my wife and my ex-girlfriend (now affair lover) at around the same time during freshman orientation. we all were in the same dorm but not roommates or floormates.

i started going out with Adrienne (ex-gf) first. she was my first love and I hers and she was stunningly beautiful and nice. i was still friends with Ellen (my current wife) but nothing romantic was there at first. However, as it turns out Ellen really was attracted to me. Adrienne and I dated for a year and some change. We were hopelessly in love. we were both virgins and was really anxious to lose it after her trip abroad during winter break. 

during winter break i stayed in my dorm since i took a math class and Ellen also stayed for research. we hung out but nothing happened. As it turns out, Ellen lied to Adrienne and told her that she saw that I had slept with some other chick. Adrienne dumped me via a phone call and did not want to talk to me. Everytime I called, she would yell at me calling me a cheater. She had promised Ellen that she would not tell me it was her who spilled the beans.

I was heartbroken and Adrienne would always avoid me on campus and eventually I just figured Adrienne was hiding her own guilt by accusing me of cheating. Two semesters later, Adrienne transferred to a different campus and we lost touch. I eventually moved on , after some pressure from her, started dating Ellen.

We dated on and off but mostly on. Got married 4 years later and now 15 years later, I am here.

I wound up bumping into Adrienne at a work conference for pension managers two years ago and we got to talking. All of our old resentments had gone away and in the middle of drinks, she asked me why I had cheated on her...I told her that I had never done that. She had tears in her eye and told me that she finally believed me and was wondering why Ellen had lied. 

It all connected when she realized Ellen had been manipulative. I did not want to believe it but it kind of made sense. After a few more drinks, we kissed. I stopped it because I felt bad. When I went home, I casually brought up to my wife if she had lied to Adrienne about me and she finally admitted to it..she said it was a joke! 

I was so angry! She stole our potential lives together. I looked up Adrienne on Facebook, she lived in another state but we would see each other quarterly at the conferences. Next time I met her for drinks after the conference, I slept with her..I was the one who pursued. We continued this a few times and then I decided I had to end my marriage but don't know how. 

Ellen was a good wife but I just always wanted Adrienne - the one who got away. Plus, Ellen based our relationship off of a lie. I know people say "affair fog" but I always thought of Adrienne over the years but never contacted her cause she broke my heart but now as it turns out, she did not. I want to be with her. 

I just do not know what to tell Ellen and how to make sure my two children do not hate me. They are girls (8, 11) so I assume they will definitely hate another woman. If they were boys, maybe it would have been easier fit. 

I do not care much for finances, etc. but just want it to be civil. The only other person who knows is my mother and she said that the past is the past and to not to ruin the present with delusions of "lost love" but she just does not understand. 

I am seeking advice here. any help would be great. thx


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