# H said this... what does it mean?



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Just a passing question...

Me and H were going out last night. It was cold so I put my hat on... a knitted thing that covers my ears. 

H said I looked cute. Now, I have expressed a desire for H to tell me more often when he thinks I look good/pretty/sexy. I was not expecting "cute"! It is a sweet thing for him to say 

For me, cute is what I might call a sweater, a skirt, a kitten or an angelic child. If *I* am cute, what does it mean... not sexy, right?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I bet you did look cute in your little knitted hat 

Did you expect him to call you sexy when you're wearing a knitted hat that covers your ears? Now had you put on a skirt with some high heels and he said you were cute I'd take issue with it! lol 

Over the years I've had to become seriously relaxed about the words DH uses when complimenting me.He doesn't have the same vocabulary range that I have when it comes to praise.more often than not I get "cute" in situations where "hot" or "sexy" would be more appropriate.After asking him about it he was clueless and said "but isn't 'cute' sexy???" Uh,no sweetpea.It's not LOL


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## Mark72 (May 26, 2012)

With the information I got, he paid you a compliment but it wasn't the one you were hoping for?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

There is nothing wrong with "cute".

I wish my wife would put on a hat when she is feeling cold (9 months of the year over here) instead of turning up the central heating. I sit there literally sweating in my shirt sleeves as she bumps up the state (and the bill).


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

He probably thinks your cute. And what he meant was "I think she's cute".

But what he was probably thinking under the surface was, "God this woman is so low on self-esteem and she is driving me crazy, I can't say anything to her without her second-guessing my compliments. How do I get her to just accept my compliments instead of being such a psycho about it??"


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I am a man, and all depend how you want to see it, is true that there are women you feel like saying you are cute and other you look hot, if I have to translate it will be something like this.

you look hot = I want to grab from behind and tear appart your clothes and have porn sex with you.

you look cute = I want to caress your face, kiss you, hold you gently and have have sex with you.

Not that I will not have hot sex with the cute one or that I will not be gentle with a hot one, at some point women get dissatisfied if you just treat them in one way.


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## LadyDee (Oct 1, 2013)

Cute is good, the positive thing here is that he said something at all. Many women wish they could get even a *cute* out of their husbands ...

Sometimes, out of the blue, my H will look at me, take his hand and kind of swipe it down the side of my face and just smile, when he does that, I feel cute/sexy/ whatever, he doesn't have to say a word either.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm pretty sure the next thought for me would have been "You'd look even cuter with a fat lip".

Keep doing what you're doing and you can rest assured that before long he won't even bother to call you cute.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Webster's definition of cute is here:

_*1cute adjective \ˈkyüt\*

: having a pleasing and usually youthful appearance

: attractive in a sexual way

: clever in an appealing way_

Does that help? I don't think it's healthy to pick apart what he says. Take it in stride and keep it moving. More importantly...

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF?? 

That's what really matters.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Cletus said:


> I'm pretty sure the next thought for me would have been "You'd look even cuter with a fat lip".
> 
> Keep doing what you're doing and you can rest assured that before long he won't even bother to call you cute.


Um, why? He said I looked cute. I said thanks! The question was in my head ( and now on here), what does it mean when a guy says that?

And Scarlet, no I did not expect him to call me sexy with that hat on lol!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

My guy isn't complex. He says I'm cute most of the time. I think it's a positive, endearing compliment. I take it to mean he finds me attractive, whether it's sexually or generally. It means he likes what he sees. He uses that term more than the term sexy, but it doesn't bother me. 

What does your guy mean by it? Probably the same thing. There isn't anything else to it.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

walkingwounded said:


> Um, why? He said I looked cute. I said thanks! The question was in my head ( and now on here), what does it mean when a guy says that?
> 
> And Scarlet, no I did not expect him to call me sexy with that hat on lol!


Guys might not be complex about this stuff, but we're rarely stupid. You might not have said it, but here's $20 that says he knows you think it, if not this time, then during some previous event.

So here's the problem. He paid you a compliment. He probably didn't spend a microsecond languishing over his choice of which word to use to describe you. He liked how you looked in your hat, it wasn't appropriate to say "You looked like a Venusian Sex Goddess" in your silly chapeau, so he used an easy to dredge up universal word for "I like the way you look right now". Chances are 99.995% that he really meant it. 

Now let's assume that he's not a complete Neanderthal and starts to get feedback, verbal, or otherwise, of the kind that says "even when you compliment me, it's wrong". You might as well hit the big red kill switch right there. That you're even asking the question here indicates that you're not satisfied with his complimenting you unless it comes in the form you desire. The likely result, instead of getting what you want, will be to shut him down completely from even trying.


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

None of us can read his mind but OK, I'll throw you a bone. He said "cute" to connote mild sexual attractiveness. Otherwise, he just would have said "Nice" if he meant you had a pleasant, though not necessarily sexually attractive, appearance. If he wanted to imply that you were "sexy", i.e., displayed a highly sexually attractive appearance, he would have used a descriptor such as "hot," "smokin," "bangin," "smexy,""caliente," "stunna," "fiiiine," "phat," "kevorka," "beautimus," "foxy," "mackadocious," etc. But really, it was a knit cap. Unless that was the only thing you were wearing or your husband has some sort of freaky yarn kink, "cute" is the best you could reasonably hope for. So cherish your "cute."


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

walkingwounded said:


> Just a passing question...
> 
> Me and H were going out last night. It was cold so I put my hat on... a knitted thing that covers my ears.
> 
> ...


**sigh**
Why didn't you ask him to elaborate? Why are you over thinking it?


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

*Re: Re: H said this... what does it mean?*



walkingwounded said:


> Just a passing question...
> 
> Me and H were going out last night. It was cold so I put my hat on... a knitted thing that covers my ears.
> 
> ...


Many words in the English language have multiple meanings and many subtleties beyond their strict definition. 

I love my dog.
I love this shirt.
I love my mom.
I love my wife.
I Iove my car.
I love Ice Cream.
I love sex.

The same word can mean so many different things. It's more about how it was said than what was said.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Cute is good. If I say my wife looks cute, it means she looks attractive.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

He paid you a compliment. Accept it. Nothing wrong with a husband thinking that his wife is cute. 

Maybe you would have an issue if he told you that the hat made your ass look big. Then the fireworks begin!


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

COguy said:


> He probably thinks your cute. And what he meant was "I think she's cute".
> 
> But what he was probably thinking under the surface was, "God this woman is so low on self-esteem and she is driving me crazy, I can't say anything to her without her second-guessing my compliments. How do I get her to just accept my compliments instead of being such a psycho about it??"


Exactly. My wife does the same thing, questions every compliment I give her like there is some deep meaning.


To the OP: Guys tend to say what they mean, it's a compliment!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

6301 said:


> He paid you a compliment. Accept it. Nothing wrong with a husband thinking that his wife is cute.
> 
> Maybe you would have an issue if he told you that the hat made your ass look big. Then the fireworks begin!


Exactly. Or I think you're cute in that hat because it hides your clown feet.

Cute for the average guy covers a pretty wide range of feeling.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> Just a passing question...
> 
> Me and H were going out last night. It was cold so I put my hat on... a knitted thing that covers my ears.
> 
> ...


What he said is a complement. 

You are picking it apart now. I think that the bigger question is why you are having such a hard time accepting this as a complement?


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

My H told me I look "cute" nursing our 6 week old when we were first home. I didn't know what that mean either but for some reason I turn bright red and just said "thanks." :scratchhead:


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## DeusEx (Mar 7, 2013)

So whats the problem here? He gave you a compliment, stop overthinking. When you look cute then says you look cute, when you're lying on bed with a leather corset he'll say you're dayum hot( if thats the compliment you're loking for), when you come out of the shower wearing a beauty mask he'll probabbly say nothing, but will stay at the corner of the bed.

Men say what they think and thats it. No deep meaning. It's just you women who tends to overthink things


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

He gave you an unsolicited compliment, that's pretty sweet of him. FWIW, I *never* received those in my marriage. 

As others have said, cute can mean so many things to someone. In my last relationship, my SO would comment that I was such a dork sometimes. It was actually a compliment coming from him and I know that that aspect of my personality was endearing to him and was actually an irresistible trait that made our connection strong. 

You might could have gotten your own "sexy validation" from the cute comment. For instance, maybe next time he compliments you in a way that you don't necessarily appreciate, stop for a second and let it sink it that he was able to express something good verbally, then walk over, put your arms around him, kiss him good and and tell him that "thanks babe, but cute is for now... wait until later when I do xyz to you." 
Corny idea, but in principle you would have shown him appreciation for saying sweet things to you and positively reinforced loving behavior while at the same time maybe gotten a nonverbal cue that he also found you sexy. Not to mention, some lovely naked time might be had in the not-to-distant future.  :FIREdevil:


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What he said is a complement.
> 
> You are picking it apart now. I think that the bigger question is why you are having such a hard time accepting this as a complement?


Oh don't get me wrong... a compliment from H is like water in the desert. Rare and VERY appreciated. Also kind of a surprise.

Our issues run deep. For a while now I have been unsure that he finds me attractive any more. He barely touches me except for sex and hates being touched. He hardly spends time with me but finds time for other important stuff. He is coming home with stories about women which I think are to stir things up and make me jealous.

He insisted he *does* find me attractive and thinks it a lot. So I asked thatche verbalizes it when he thinks it. OK. 

He just hasn't. I feel like a handy orifice when he gets horny. I want to feel desired. I mean, of course I wasn't expecting "hey sexy" wearing that hat. But may be walking around in my matching lingerie might. Or wearing a very flattering dress with red heels might. A sexy text to him when he is at work. But no... he IGNORES all that and I feel like he is either deliberately withholding saying stuff, he has forgotten even though he knows it is important, or he simply does not think it.

Oh and I KNOW he can verbalize it. He finds it real easy when it is someone on TV to tell me. So getting a "cute" is nice but it is like getting the runner up prize if that makes sense?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> Oh don't get me wrong... a compliment from H is like water in the desert. Rare and VERY appreciated. Also kind of a surprise.
> 
> Our issues run deep. For a while now I have been unsure that he finds me attractive any more. He barely touches me except for sex and hates being touched. He hardly spends time with me but finds time for other important stuff. He is coming home with stories about women which I think are to stir things up and make me jealous.
> 
> ...


Have you read the book "Divorce Busting"? You might want to and pay attention to the section on the 180.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Have you read the book "Divorce Busting"? You might want to and pay attention to the section on the 180.


I think I have that book. I bought a lot over the last year or two. I will have a look and find the 180 part.


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## julianne (Sep 18, 2013)

FWIW, my husband never calls me cute. He always calls me beauty, beautiful, pretty. Never thought about not being called "cute" cause I'll take compliments any way I can get them Just appreciate the cute compliment and don't overthink


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