# buying stuff



## ewing35 (Jun 19, 2013)

.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

ewing35 said:


> Why is this **** important now?


Because people change. Styles, and tastes change, its a part of life. You all need to find a compromise. If there are certain things she likes that is out of budget she will either need to wait until it can be afforded or she can contribute herself to paying for it.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Just the fact that she wants it patio furniture instead of a card table and folding chair tell you she stepped it up a notch.


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## ewing35 (Jun 19, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> Just the fact that she wants it patio furniture instead of a card table and folding chair tell you she stepped it up a notch.


What does that mean?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I don't see anything wrong with someone wanting to buy new things sometimes. I also understand wanting save some money or getting a good deal as long as its not way out of the price range. Sounds like its time for a compromise, is that something you both are willing to do? Does she have a job? Maybe she can meet you half way on certain things she wants, if money is an issue.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Is she over-spending on your budget? Are bills going unpaid because of it? If so, it may drastic measure time (AKA taking complete control of the finances before it wrecks you).

If not, then it is just time for a calm straightforward conversation. Tell her you did not mean to upset her but you noticed her spending habits changed and are curious why. She may simply have grown to a point where she wants nicer stuff. She may be compensating for something else lacking in her life. You won't know unless you talk to her. However she reacts, remain CALM during that conversation. Figure out your boundary and stick to it.

Whatever you do, don't let it fester. Money issues can strain a marriage as fast as kids or sex life. Maybe faster.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ewing35 said:


> Ok, my wife got pissed at me yesterday. She wants to buy new patio furniture. When she brought it up i said we should look on criag's list. Unfortunately, nothing on there suits her. Ok, so she wants to buy something new. I said OK just get what you want but be happy with it after you get it and get the cheapest one that gives you want you want (no well these ones is nice but for a $100 bucks more- that makes me crazy).
> 
> Apparently, i was out of line. I don't get it. She has brought things and driven me crazy comparing it to what she didn't buy before.
> 
> Also, when we got together we used to get everything second hand. We drew on the walls in our apartment and lived a punk life style. Why is this **** important now? How do i get her to realized that i'm not going to like spending money like that but so long as its reasonable i won't give a ****. I do think its retarded but i don't think your a retard.


The fact that you're saying sentences like this "I do think its retarded but i don't think your a retard." tells me you're still at a period in your life where you're ok with the stereotypical "single's apartment" ya know,the one where comedians joke about if you get robbed of every thing in it it's ok bc you're only out $50.
Perhaps your wife is just growing up and realizing she enjoys having nice things to show for all the hard work you guys do every day at your jobs.
As long as it isn't interfering negatively with your agreed upon budget I see no need to be upset with her about her desire to own nicer things.If it's interfering negatively then she needs to start learning how to live within her means instead of reaching for possessions that are out of her price range.Be careful though,upgrading a lifestyle can get you in trouble if you don't keep it in check. A few nice things here and there are great as long as there's a limit.


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

I think the OP in his own way is saying that his wife spends a lot of money on something, gets buyers remorse, and ultimately is never happy in the end, so he feels the need to clamp down on how much she spends, knowing she won't be happy in the end anyways.


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## ewing35 (Jun 19, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> The fact that you're saying sentences like this "I do think its retarded but i don't think your a retard." tells me you're still at a period in your life where you're ok with the stereotypical "single's apartment" ya know,the one where comedians joke about if you get robbed of every thing in it it's ok bc you're only out $50.
> *Perhaps your wife is just growing up and realizing she enjoys having nice things to show for all the hard work you guys do every day at your jobs.*
> As long as it isn't interfering negatively with your agreed upon budget I see no need to be upset with her about her desire to own nicer things.If it's interfering negatively then she needs to start learning how to live within her means instead of reaching for possessions that are out of her price range.Be careful though,upgrading a lifestyle can get you in trouble if you don't keep it in check. A few nice things here and there are great as long as there's a limit.


Why is this growing up? It seems more like keeping up with the Jones/conforming?


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## ewing35 (Jun 19, 2013)

Kaboom said:


> I think the OP in his own way is saying that his wife spends a lot of money on something, gets buyers remorse, and ultimately is never happy in the end, so he feels the need to clamp down on how much she spends, knowing she won't be happy in the end anyways.



this is part of it. The other part is I'm kinda pissed that she brought it up after i agreed that she should get what she wants so long as she can be happy with it while I'm watching the NBA finals. In my mind she was already getting what she wanted even though if it was my decision only I'd do something else


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Does she have a job? If so, maybe she can use some of her money to pay for what she wants. If she isn't happy with her purchase afterwards, its not your problem.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ewing35 said:


> Why is this growing up? It seems more like keeping up with the Jones/conforming?


Typically,the average person works hard and wants to surround themselves in pleasing and comfortable things as a way of rewarding that hard work.Keeping up w/the Jones' is really unhealthy bc you're doing it for others and not for yourself.
She's your wife.What do you think she's doing? Keeping up w/the Jones' or is she doing it bc she's at a point where she wants to see the benefits of her work?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Gee, she sounds SO high maintenance! 

(sarcasm)


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

How often dos she want to buy things?

Also, did she used to shop at consignment shops for her clothes but now shops at high dollar stores she can't afford? 

Did the things in your home come from yard sales or hand me downs, and now she wants to purchase something for the home brand new? 

Are you both in debt due to her spending habits? When I think of keeping up with the Jones' I think of, going out getting a brand new expensive car. Getting a pool. Going on luxury vacations, etc etc the list goes on. If she is just wanting new patio furniture then there isn't anything wrong with that really, unless there is more to the story we do not know about. 

IMO, this can be a fixable situation, with the both of you willing to bend a little.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

ewing35 said:


> Why is this growing up? It seems more like keeping up with the Jones/conforming?


Just out of curiosity--what were you watching the NBA finals on? A rabbit ear cabinet style CRT from a yard sale or on cable with a flat screen and a remote?

I'm guessing it was something close to the latter. Just like you want a TV that doesn't come with a dial, she wants patio furniture that doesn't have somebody else's sunscreen smeared all over the seats.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Wanting a comfortable and pleasant home doesn't sound untoward to me. I used to be a grungy type who didn't care. These days, I like to choose something that I actually like and I want my home to be a place of beauty and tranquility.

If it's a money issue and it involves getting into debt, that's a different matter.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

ewing35 said:


> What does that mean?


Never mind. You sound like my H. Always want to buy something old and "Restore" it. Lucky for him it usually work out.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

So the OP's, original question is gone? :scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> So the OP's, original question is gone? :scratchhead:


I guess we didn't give the desired responses.


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