# Sexperience



## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Not rightly sure how to ask my question. Guess I'll start typing and when I get to it, I'll inform you. It's rather embarrassing and awkward. I'm 39-year-old married guy, who has a very unusual, but healthy sex life. I cannot stress this more. I was never sexually educated when I was younger. I used pornography as a sort of "guide to rule book". 

Which has left me with many, unanswered questions, questions that anybody, without the exception of me of course, should know? Things like, what does foreplay involve besides kissing and caressing? How long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs? Why do I not get excited when I’m touching her, or why oral sex and manual stimulations' are so fascinating to me? It is not related to my wife, she finds having intercourse enjoyable, I do not. So the problem does not apply to her. 

My wife like so many has occasionally performed Fellatio. I have heard so many guys, reading from forums that is, how much enjoyment they have from this. I do not. Mainly because I can't keep an erection when she does this. Weird, right? Nor can I ejaculate when this occurs. What is the right response? All I do is stare at her like she is doing something wrong. I've tried several times to shut my eyes, you know like they do in "dirty movies", but still I can't find any enjoyment of this. I have told her how this has occurred prior to being married. Same problem. It's like some kind of sexual block. And no I have never been sexually abused. There are a lot of sexual activities I do not enjoy, for example, when she performs an oral sexual act by (allowing) me to insert my testicles into her mouth. It is painful. Also, whenever I get an erection, my penis will swell and begin to pulsate very tensely. When this happens, it's indescribably painful. Do you have every reason to believe that sexual blockage would cause this kind of issue? What has gotten into me? Thank you for the help


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Have you considered sessions with a sex therapist?
An awful lot of how we perform or react during sex is due to what's in our brains. When we are psychologically averted toward something, our physiological response matches.

It's possible to re-wire your brain on just about anything, with the right kind of exercises and encouragement.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

Sorry, but could you clarify your questions please? On one hand you say oral sex and manual stimulation are fascinating, but on the other hand you say it does nothing for you?

Maybe you should communicate with your wife and find something both of you would enjoy. At least that's my understanding of what married people should do.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Also, if ejaculation is painful, you might want to think about going to see your doctor. Not to alarm you, but this could be a health concern that could be easily corrected.


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## Shamrockfaced (Feb 9, 2018)

Timben said:


> Not rightly sure how to ask my question. Guess I'll start typing and when I get to it, I'll inform you. It's rather embarrassing and awkward. I'm 39-year-old married guy, who has a very unusual, but healthy sex life. I cannot stress this more. I was never sexually educated when I was younger. I used pornography as a sort of "guide to rule book".
> 
> Which has left me with many, unanswered questions, questions that anybody, without the exception of me of course, should know? Things like, what does foreplay involve besides kissing and caressing? How long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs? Why do I not get excited when I’m touching her, or why oral sex and manual stimulations' are so fascinating to me? It is not related to my wife, she finds having intercourse enjoyable, I do not. So the problem does not apply to her.
> 
> My wife like so many has occasionally performed Fellatio. I have heard so many guys, reading from forums that is, how much enjoyment they have from this. I do not. Mainly because I can't keep an erection when she does this. Weird, right? Nor can I ejaculate when this occurs. What is the right response? All I do is stare at her like she is doing something wrong. I've tried several times to shut my eyes, you know like they do in "dirty movies", but still I can't find any enjoyment of this. I have told her how this has occurred prior to being married. Same problem. It's like some kind of sexual block. And no I have never been sexually abused. There are a lot of sexual activities I do not enjoy, for example, when she performs an oral sexual act by (allowing) me to insert my testicles into her mouth. It is painful. Also, whenever I get an erection, my penis will swell and begin to pulsate very tensely. When this happens, it's indescribably painful. Do you have every reason to believe that sexual blockage would cause this kind of issue? What has gotten into me? Thank you for the help



On the surface, it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with porn. Have you spent years and years masturbation to porn? Perhaps you've trained your body to respond more to your own manual stimulation. If you're still masturbation to porn, perhaps you should quit for a period of time and measure the impact (weeks at least). 

As far as the oral.... Perhaps you just don't like it? I don't see that as a major problem. It can be a problem if your SO us doing it as an act if love and you go limp on her, but if it's just something you don't enjoy.... Have that talk. My SO used to always want to play with my nipples. I hated it and finally now, after many conversations, she gets it. It's a bit harder, as fellatio is enjoyable to most.... But it's not for everyone.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

If you are having pain during an erection, it is definitely time to see a urologist. Having an erection should never be painful. That's the first step.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

As for your likes and dislikes. We all have them. There is nothing wrong with liking or disliking an act it is just who you are. Hopefully you will meet someone with complimentary likes and dislikes. 
As for your erection if it is painful you need to see a doctor because as others have said it shouldn't be painful.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Timben said:


> what does foreplay involve besides kissing and caressing?


Teasing, flirting, games, role-play, unlimited possibilities, the best part of sex (for me)



> How long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs? Why do I not get excited when I’m touching her, or why oral sex and manual stimulations' are so fascinating to me? It is not related to my wife, she finds having intercourse enjoyable, I do not. So the problem does not apply to her.


Well for me I find the most enjoyment in the pleasure that I give a woman. I'm also an animal person, so body language I read easily, the amount of time I spend between a woman's legs, that's up to her and she doesn't need to tell me 



> My wife like so many has occasionally performed Fellatio. I have heard so many guys, reading from forums that is, how much enjoyment they have from this. I do not.


Me either. Or anal bleh! For me that's exit only!



> Mainly because I can't keep an erection when she does this. Weird, right? Nor can I ejaculate when this occurs. What is the right response? All I do is stare at her like she is doing something wrong. I've tried several times to shut my eyes, you know like they do in "dirty movies", but still I can't find any enjoyment of this. I have told her how this has occurred prior to being married. Same problem. It's like some kind of sexual block. And no I have never been sexually abused. There are a lot of sexual activities I do not enjoy, for example, when she performs an oral sexual act by (allowing) me to insert my testicles into her mouth. It is painful. Also, whenever I get an erection, my penis will swell and begin to pulsate very tensely. When this happens, it's indescribably painful. Do you have every reason to believe that sexual blockage would cause this kind of issue? What has gotten into me? Thank you for the help


Advice: Stop relying on porn as your sex book. Your wife is your sex book and you are hers. Explore each other and embrace what makes the two of you unique.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I can get aroused with a little oral from my wife...But it actually does nothing really for me. I have communicated to her, and she expects to be moving on to something else during our playtime after a short while ...

But, I get really aroused when I give my wife head, and she has multiple orgasms. That is the ultimate. Then, I am primed for the Olympic event. lol

As for BJs. I have had exactly ONE experience where the girl was SOOOOOO good, that i had no choice but to implode. The rest of my years, were meh.... Actually, my wife is probably second to last in the line of least fun BJs. That and just staring at the top of her head just doesn't do it for me...lol

If you guys want a serious laugh...I will tell you this. When I first started having sex with my wife (girlfriend stage), she actually though blow job meant putting me into her mouth and trying to blow....Seriously. I was like WTF? ROFL....Boy, those were some interesting conversations...


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Satya said:


> Have you considered sessions with a sex therapist?
> An awful lot of how we perform or react during sex is due to what's in our brains. When we are psychologically averted toward something, our physiological response matches.
> 
> It's possible to re-wire your brain on just about anything, with the right kind of exercises and encouragement.


Yes 'em I have considered seeing a sex therapist, but there doesn't seem to be one close by. I've searched and the therapists that I have searched for are either one side of the state or the other. Long distance.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Um Excuse Me said:


> Sorry, but could you clarify your questions please? On one hand you say oral sex and manual stimulation are fascinating, but on the other hand you say it does nothing for you?
> 
> Maybe you should communicate with your wife and find something both of you would enjoy. At least that's my understanding of what married people should do.


I was talking about "dirty movies".


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Shamrockfaced said:


> On the surface, it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with porn. Have you spent years and years masturbation to porn? Perhaps you've trained your body to respond more to your own manual stimulation. If you're still masturbation to porn, perhaps you should quit for a period of time and measure the impact (weeks at least).
> 
> As far as the oral.... Perhaps you just don't like it? I don't see that as a major problem. It can be a problem if your SO us doing it as an act if love and you go limp on her, but if it's just something you don't enjoy.... Have that talk. My SO used to always want to play with my nipples. I hated it and finally now, after many conversations, she gets it. It's a bit harder, as fellatio is enjoyable to most.... But it's not for everyone.


Unlike most people, I was never given the proper sex education when I was younger. Is that an excuse, no. Just clarifying the facts, nothing more. You asked if I masturbated to porn? The answer is yes. I used to be an addict. I know that sounds impossible incorrect believing a person like me, can change. But I have, I do other things besides watch "dirty movies". I have a most complicated situation.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Teasing, flirting, games, role-play, unlimited possibilities, the best part of sex (for me)
> 
> 
> 
> ...


First off, you don't even know me. Second, bet you could care less. Third, I have a very complicated situation. And lastly, you do not have the authority to judge me. When you were never given the proper education, and the only thing you can find that relates to sex, is pornography, where else am I gonna learn it from? I'm not attractive, nor am I a lady-killer, ever have been. I was only engaged to three other women, prior to my marriage. All of them kept the rings, and wanted me to quite frankly, get lost. Is that satisfactory enough? :cussing::cussing::cussing:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Timben said:


> First off, you don't even know me. Second, bet you could care less. Third, I have a very complicated situation. And lastly, you do not have the authority to judge me. When you were never given the proper education, and the only thing you can find that relates to sex, is pornography, where else am I gonna learn it from? I'm not attractive, nor am I a lady-killer, ever have been. I was only engaged to three other women, prior to my marriage. All of them kept the rings, and wanted me to quite frankly, get lost. Is that satisfactory enough? :cussing::cussing::cussing:


Not judging you, don't worry 

I simply see the problem and not going to shy away from my perspective - you need to learn *from your wife*. No one else. Do not try to live up to society's standards on what sex should be like!

Find out what works for YOU and YOUR WIFE, that's it!


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

I didn't come for ridicules and judgements. I came here with a tangible problem. And I thought that, I would get legitimate advice, not mockery. This is why I hate socializing with people.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Funny how you quote and respond to every post but not the ones that say you should see a urologist if you have painful erections. 

LLORT


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Timben said:


> I didn't come for ridicules and judgements. I came here with a tangible problem. And I thought that, I would get legitimate advice, not mockery. This is why I hate socializing with people.


Not intending to ridicule or judge you at all. Please calm down. I'm hoping to encourage you to seek the answer to your question through... well, the only actual answer to your question; your wife next to you!

Society likes to say "you do it this way" or that way or whatever, and porn leads to unrealistic expectations. I know - hell after divorce and a long dry spell I even went through a stage of erectile disfunction from too much wanking and porn fantasies! I had to get used to a woman again!

Also - what works for one may not work for another, like you and oral sex. You just don't like it, NO BIG DEAL! Get it?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The best thing is not to over think relationships, I don't know you but you're asking good questions. I'd suggest reading some good books on the topics you're interested in whether for the romantic or physical side of things. I wouldn't go by most of the internet sites unless you vett them. And not the porn sites. 
Whether you view/don't view porn is is totally your call.

Everyone needs a physical once a year. I do suggest you get a physical/male physician if you have any questions about your overall health and ask all the questions you want when your there. 
You'll do fine. Know that going forward. All the questions I've read are those that have been asked by different people since the beginning of time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's a one-two punch that you need: Schedule an appointment with a sex therapist, but right after seeing a good Urologist! *


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If normal sexual activity is painful, then seeing a docctor is a good idea. Does masturbation cause you pain? 

There are a number of good sex guides that can help teach non-porn sex. There is the ancient but still good "joy of sex", and the more recent "guide to getting it on".


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

uhtred said:


> If normal sexual activity is painful, then seeing a docctor is a good idea. Does masturbation cause you pain?
> 
> There are a number of good sex guides that can help teach non-porn sex. There is the ancient but still good "joy of sex", and the more recent "guide to getting it on".


Sometimes. But not all the time.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

REDACTED BY MODERATOR

Actually, you've got a lot of very sound observations and advice beyond just needing to see a doc. 

For instance:

No, it's not "weird" to not be into BJs. A lot of guys love 'em. Many are meh or even turned off by them. So you need not worry about how you feel about this sex act. It doesn't work for you. Fine. Put effort into finding what does work for you.

Your wife is the best barometer of what is "good sex," not porn, which is usually ridiculously unrealistic, for both (or more) parties. Spend time with your wife. Be open. Communicate. Drop barriers and discuss everything. Learn from each other. Come together (no pun intended). Be your own couple and don't try to recreate anything you've seen from "actors." 

Most suggestions, and even criticism, has been offered in a constructive matter; as a genuine desire to help. You seem to be overly sensitive and react badly to a couple of otherwise helpful posts, thus escalating, after which, no reasonable communication can take place. 

Relax, take a deep breath and most of all, don't take anything here personally. If you don't get your hackles up, you will be better able to discern who's trying to help, and whether or not the suggestions they offer may be of assistance to you. 

This is going to sound rough, but I mean it in the most constructive way possible: Get over yourself! Resist your ego telling you to react. No only will this help you make use of the offerings in this thread, it'll help you in your relationship with your wife, including in the bedroom. I suspect that your sensitivity and proclivity to react negatively has really put a damper on communication in your marriage. She's got to be free to tell you "I didn't like that... maybe you should try this instead" without worrying about you feeling all hurt and persecuted, or blowing up and escalating. You need to be open to her, and she needs to feel safe in communicating her feelings, likes and dislikes. You can only do this if you get over your ego. 

And no, your situation is really not that unusual or complicated. Very, very few men get any kind of realistic or helpful instruction prior to getting hitched. We're all fumbling neanderthals at the start. If our wive's love us, they are willing to work with us. Your part is to not do anything to make her shy away from that. 

We really do wish you the best here and hope you and your wife can find a way to come together in a mutually satisfying union.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its worth having a doctor investigate. Don't worry - they have seen EVERYTHING, you are not going to shock anyone

It might be nothing. It might be something that can easily be fixed. But pain is not normal. 

As far as learning about sex - the books really will provide a lot of information and its surprising how few people take the time to learn to be good in bed. 




Timben said:


> Sometimes. But not all the time.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> Funny how you quote and respond to every post but not the ones that say you should see a urologist if you have painful erections.
> 
> LLORT


He responded to the rather nasty "jokes" at his expense.

As is his right.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Moderator warning

Thinking of making tasteless, pointless jokes at the expense of another TAM member?

Wanting to make unhelpful posts or launch threadjacks? *Don't.*

This thread is being moderated and posts have been deleted or tidied up.

Keep it on topic and within the guidelines because further action will be considered without any additional notification.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> Unless RandomDude's post was edited by himself or a moderator that I didnt see, I saw no "nasty jokes" at his expense made by Dude. All I saw was OP freaking out on him for no reason.


Totally agree. Just read through this thread for the first time and RandomDude's posts are thoughtful and considerate. I see no mockery or anything off-humor. Also no notations of edits. 

Anyway, OP - None of us are taught by our parents how to get our partners off, or how to perform all the sexual positions. The best we got or can give our children is about the mechanics (tab A into slot B), how this causes pregnancy, and hopefully about respecting your partner. I recently gave my son "The Talk" because he was asking a lot of questions about where babies come from. I did it very factually and medically, with pictures from medical journals so he could see the differences between men and women (outer and inner) and what everything does. As he gets closer to dating we'll tell him more about respecting his partner and keeping their likes and desires right up there with his own.

At no point did I tell him about BJs, Handies, Anal, BDSM, Chinese basket tricks or Furries. These are things you discover on your own when you start playing with members of the opposite sex. 

As others have suggested, you and your wife need to figure out what works for you two. If you don't enjoy something (like BJs) that is perfectly fine. Just tell her you don't like it and try something else. It sounds like you liked the way it looked in movies, but not the way it felt in reality. You'll find that happens a lot when basing your acts off of what you saw in a dirty movie. And that's okay.

But if your penis actually hurts when you get an erection, you may have a medical concern. Throb, pulse, jump with excitement.... that's all fine. But Hurt? No.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Totally agree. Just read through this thread for the first time and RandomDude's posts are thoughtful and considerate. I see no mockery or anything off-humor. Also no notations of edits.
> 
> Anyway, OP - None of us are taught by our parents how to get our partners off, or how to perform all the sexual positions. The best we got or can give our children is about the mechanics (tab A into slot B), how this causes pregnancy, and hopefully about respecting your partner. I recently gave my son "The Talk" because he was asking a lot of questions about where babies come from. I did it very factually and medically, with pictures from medical journals so he could see the differences between men and women (outer and inner) and what everything does. As he gets closer to dating we'll tell him more about respecting his partner and keeping their likes and desires right up there with his own.
> 
> ...


Speaking as a Moderator:

Randomdude asked a question about why the OP was upset. I informed Randomdude why the OP was upset.

I did not accuse Randomdude of upsetting the OP.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@Timben

Being appropriately educated about sex, or not, really has no relation to the ability to learn to have and enjoy a rich sex life. 

The only thing that truly matters is you attitude about sex and sexuality.

I’m unclear whether you want to build a better sex life, or whether you just want to be reassured that you’re normal. If it is the second, allow me to reassure you that you are perfectly normal and I can’t state that unequivocally because when it comes to sex there is no such thing as normal. How we each experience and express our sexual selves is so vastly varied that so long as your sex life is safe, sober, and consensual, it’s perfectly normal.

However, if you’re worried because you WANT to feel things and don’t, because you WANT to experience things but can’t manage it, if you WANT to meet the needs of your partner, then a therapist is what you need. Satya already suggested sex therapy, and you’ve said that’s not possible, so go see a regular therapist who has a PhD. Not a social worker. Or mental health counselor, but a PhD therapist. The PhD covers human sexuality extensively while the other degrees hardly touch on it.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Anon Pink said:


> @Timben
> 
> Being appropriately educated about sex, or not, really has no relation to the ability to learn to have and enjoy a rich sex life.
> 
> ...


==============================================================================
And yes I do want clarity that I am normal. I understand what you're saying, but my situation is quite complicated, to say the least. I know you don't believe me. I have no reason to lie. When it came to sex and masturbation, I was mortified, when I was younger. Stated that it was wrong and nasty. That was just the tip of the iceberg sort of speak. Yes, I did seek to copy what I saw from "dirty movies". I mean, I know where babies are from. I read books on the subject. Never was told where they came from, just "found it on my own" from reading encyclopedias on "Reproduction". I can't talk to my wife, if I could, I wouldn't be present on this forum. She and I don't communicate very well. She is a very strong independent woman... she has told me years ago, I have never forgotten it -- "I've already raised one boy. I don't need to raise two." She is well-educated has a bachelor degree. The point is. She doesn't believe that a grown man should be taught about sex. He should already know. She and I are eight years in ages. She is 47. 

As for me, well, I see three therapists - an LPC-MHSP, an LMFT and a PMHNP-BC. And that's not counting my regular medical doctor. They are treating me for Anger Issues, Asperger syndrome, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Penis Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction and Suicidal. As for seeing a sex therapist, never said it was impossible. I said I haven't found one that doesn't live close by. I know that you could care less about what I have written. Just stating facts nothing more. 

:|


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@Timben

My goodness that’s a lot of mental health issues. I’m not even familiar with some of the acronyms you’ve used. With such an extensive team of behavioral therapists, I’m sure any one of them can help you grow your comfort level.

Also, expecting your wife to teach you about sex is probably a turn off for her. It would be for me as well. Google sex books, techniques, etc...buy the books, read the books and learn. 

You can watch porn for entertainment but not for education.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Timben said:


> ==============================================================================
> And yes I do want clarity that I am normal. I understand what you're saying, but my situation is quite complicated, to say the least. I know you don't believe me. I have no reason to lie. When it came to sex and masturbation, I was mortified, when I was younger. Stated that it was wrong and nasty. That was just the tip of the iceberg sort of speak. Yes, I did seek to copy what I saw from "dirty movies". I mean, I know where babies are from. I read books on the subject. Never was told where they came from, just "found it on my own" from reading encyclopedias on "Reproduction". I can't talk to my wife, if I could, I wouldn't be present on this forum. She and I don't communicate very well. She is a very strong independent woman... she has told me years ago, I have never forgotten it -- "I've already raised one boy. I don't need to raise two." She is well-educated has a bachelor degree. The point is. She doesn't believe that a grown man should be taught about sex. He should already know. She and I are eight years in ages. She is 47.
> 
> As for me, well, I see three therapists - an LPC-MHSP, an LMFT and a PMHNP-BC. And that's not counting my regular medical doctor. They are treating me for Anger Issues, Asperger syndrome, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Penis Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction and Suicidal. As for seeing a sex therapist, never said it was impossible. I said I haven't found one that doesn't live close by. I know that you could care less about what I have written. Just stating facts nothing more.
> ...


It makes me sad to hear that your wife said that to you. She doesn't sound very sympathetic to your concerns/problem, nor open to communication, which can't be good for your relationship.

As far as sex goes, forget normal versus abnormal. So, you have some sexual idiosyncrasies. Lots of people have sexual idiosyncrasies, so everyone is normal and no one is at the same time. You are who you are and you've got what you've got, and you need to learn to work with that!

Considering the Aspberger's, I'm not surprised you sought to copy what you saw in porn and viewed it as an instructional guide. That's not a joke at your expense. I know a lot of people with Aspberger's and I get along with them quite well, and from my experience, this sounds like something they might have done as well.

However, I digress... back to your original, and follow-up posts.

I know this wasn't your actual question, but foreplay is whatever gets your partner in the mood and all hot and bothered. Stimulating her specific erogenous zones so that she is primed and receptive (physically) for penetrative sex. I highly recommend "The Joy of Sex" book. Great starter material.

And onto the actual question... some guys simply don't like receiving blow jobs, and it sounds like you're one of them. And that is totally OK. And not every man likes their testicles sucked, either; testicles can be very sensitive, which is why some men don't like it, and likely why you find it painful. You will have to find a way to communicate to your wife that you don't enjoy receiving oral. Tell her that you genuinely appreciate her enthusiasm and desire to perform oral, but you don't enjoy it--make it clear that this isn't specific to her, but that you've never enjoyed it. She may receive this message better if you say that you would much rather give her oral than receive it.

My only concern is that you are having pain with your erection. I will echo the other posters here and say that you really must see a urologist about this, because an erection shouldn't be painful.

Other than that, I would encourage you to focus on what you and you both enjoy, and don't worry about things that you don't enjoy but think you "should" enjoy because other people like it. You know what? Everyone likes chocolate, but I don't. I hate chocolate. People tried to get me to eat it for years, and it made me crazy. Now, people say, "Eat chocolate!" and I say, "Screw that, I'm eating Skittles instead!"

In other words, @Timben -- to each their own.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> You know what? Everyone likes chocolate, but I don't. I hate chocolate. People tried to get me to eat it for years, and it made me crazy. Now, people say, "Eat chocolate!" and I say, "Screw that, I'm eating Skittles instead!"


I like your post but just have to comment ( :grin2: ) that every woman I have known that didn't like chocolate, turned out to be crazy. My son prefers fruity / sour candies to chocolate also, and I often wonder if he'll turn manic-depressive or schitzo in his teens. Hmmm.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> It makes me sad to hear that your wife said that to you. She doesn't sound very sympathetic to your concerns/problem, nor open to communication, which can't be good for your relationship.
> 
> As far as sex goes, forget normal versus abnormal. So, you have some sexual idiosyncrasies. Lots of people have sexual idiosyncrasies, so everyone is normal and no one is at the same time. You are who you are and you've got what you've got, and you need to learn to work with that!
> 
> ...



Thank you for an understanding of my current situation. I will try again, to find a urologist. Even though I've had a bad experience in the past with them. Meaning, I've tried talking to them about my "problem" they only laughed at me, said I was a sex fiend, a sex addict and has no idea why I have painful erections and testicular pain. But as you and the others have said over and over. I will try again. Again, thank you for your understanding of my situation.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

In the bedroom it's all about preference. Personally I don't think much of blowjobs either and I've gotten really great ones but even the greatest blowjob is just meh to me. I love to get all up close and personal. Very intimate. Missionary, arms wrapped tightly around each other, deep kissing, deep thrusting, belly sweat mixing. Yeah, that's the ticket. Maybe it's an age thing. When I was younger it was ALL good if it was anything sexual with a female. As I've gotten older I'll take quality over quantity anytime. My wife is a trooper who will usually be willing to have sex even if she's not in the mood but I don't want it those times. I don't accept duty sex. We're either both in 100% or I'm not interested.

Kink between two people that are into each other is awesome. It's quality. That's why finding that one special someone and forsaking all others is amazing. Talk to her and both of you explore and experiment with each other. One word of warning. No matter how kinky something she might come up with is...NEVER act judgmental about it. She could say she wants to squat over you and take a dump on your face. Don't say "oh that's nasty" and look at her with a disgusted look on your face. That would embarrass her and she'd NEVER share sexual desires with you ever again.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> I like your post but just have to comment ( :grin2: ) that every woman I have known that didn't like chocolate, turned out to be crazy. My son prefers fruity / sour candies to chocolate also, and I often wonder if he'll turn manic-depressive or schitzo in his teens. Hmmm.


Ha ha!

Well, if you read more of my posts, you'll find I'm one of the least-crazy and most rational people you'll find.

However, being logical and sane seems crazier and pretty abnormal these days, so you never know. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Timben said:


> Thank you for an understanding of my current situation. I will try again, to find a urologist. Even though I've had a bad experience in the past with them. Meaning, I've tried talking to them about my "problem" they only laughed at me, said I was a sex fiend, a sex addict and has no idea why I have painful erections and testicular pain. But as you and the others have said over and over. I will try again. Again, thank you for your understanding of my situation.


 @Timben Doctors, especially male doctors, aren't known for their empathetic skills. Women, especially, are used to many doctors dismissing their concerns and legitimate pain. It may be difficult to find one, but a female urologist may be more empathetic to your concerns. Alternately, if you can find a urologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction, you may have a better outcome.

I'm guessing you live in a less urban area? It may take some traveling on your part, but you may find a more suitable doctor in an urban area. You may also wish to ask one of your doctors (the one treating your sexual dysfunction, specifically) for referrals.

Best of luck to you, friend.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> @Timben Doctors, especially male doctors, aren't known for their empathetic skills. Women, especially, are used to many doctors dismissing their concerns and legitimate pain. It may be difficult to find one, but a female urologist may be more empathetic to your concerns. Alternately, if you can find a urologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction, you may have a better outcome.
> 
> I'm guessing you live in a less urban area? It may take some traveling on your part, but you may find a more suitable doctor in an urban area. You may also wish to ask one of your doctors (the one treating your sexual dysfunction, specifically) for referrals.
> 
> Best of luck to you, friend.


Understood. And your guessing would correct. I live in a rural area. But I understand what your saying. There is just one more ting I would like to ask, I have posted this in the original post, but since you seem to know a lot about this stuff. And please excuse my language. When applying oral, how long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs? I do not get turned-on by this, meaning no erection. Whatsoever. Never have. Even when I was dating previous girls. Applying oral sex to women never did anything for me. Is that weird? Oblige for taking the time to answer this.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Timben said:


> Understood. And your guessing would correct. I live in a rural area. But I understand what your saying. There is just one more ting I would like to ask, I have posted this in the original post, but since you seem to know a lot about this stuff. And please excuse my language. When applying oral, how long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs? I do not get turned-on by this, meaning no erection. Whatsoever. Never have. Even when I was dating previous girls. Applying oral sex to women never did anything for me. Is that weird? Oblige for taking the time to answer this.


In short, you’re supposed to be down there as long as she’s enjoying it.

Not getting anything out of it is not weird. Just like receiving oral, how much you dig it varies by person and there is no “normal.”

I love giving oral. There’s just something so deliciously intimate about having your face buried in your lover’s mist private region that is so wonderful. Now that doesn’t mean I always get an erection while giving oral. It’s not about me at that point. Sometimes, I’m so focused on what I’ll doing, trying to gauge her responses, and keep her rollin, that any pleasure response on my part fades far into the background. But that doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying the hell out of myself. If she’s getting off as a result of my efforts, I’m in heaven.

Maybe you should try to base your approach to giving oral on what it’s doing for her and derive your joy from hers. A sexual encounter where you don’t get off can still be hugely satisfying, and can really build tension for the next one when you’re receiving, or ****ing.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> In short, you’re supposed to be down there as long as she’s enjoying it.
> 
> Not getting anything out of it is not weird. Just like receiving oral, how much you dig it varies by person and there is no “normal.”
> 
> ...


Don't know what you mean, by base my approach to giving oral. After re-reading my post and seeing what the nice person wrote and what you just responded. Guess it boils down to, I don't like sex. Guess that's the problem -- me!!!! I just don't like sex. I know that's gotta be strange especially from a guy. Thanks for allowing me to answer my own question. No need to continue this post.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Timben said:


> Don't know what you mean, by base my approach to giving oral. After re-reading my post and seeing what the nice person wrote and what you just responded. Guess it boils down to, I don't like sex. Guess that's the problem -- me!!!! I just don't like sex. I know that's gotta be strange especially from a guy. Thanks for allowing me to answer my own question. No need to continue this post.


 @Timben While the tenor of Yeti's response didn't resound with you, I would have voiced a similar response--you do it as long as it takes! Hopefully she lets you know when it's working for her 

By "approach," Yeti doesn't mean a physical approach, he means your mental approach. Some men love giving oral sex, but some don't care for it but do it anyway, because they are focusing on bringing their partner joy. A successful sexual relationship means focusing on your partner's at least as much as, and in many cases more than, your own. I would suggest that you take the same approach with giving your wife oral. If it turns her on and really does it for her, then do it even if it isn't your cup of tea, and do it a lot so she gets as much as she wants/needs.

Is there anything about sex that you DO enjoy? You mention in your previous comment that you think it's that you simply don't like sex. While that is possible, it's not probable. I think perhaps you haven't found what works for you yet. This is why I recommended "The Joy of Sex," as it may introduce you to some new ideas and possibilities.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> @Timben While the tenor of Yeti's response didn't resound with you, I would have voiced a similar response--you do it as long as it takes! Hopefully she lets you know when it's working for her
> 
> By "approach," Yeti doesn't mean a physical approach, he means your mental approach. Some men love giving oral sex, but some don't care for it but do it anyway, because they are focusing on bringing their partner joy. A successful sexual relationship means focusing on your partner's at least as much as, and in many cases more than, your own. I would suggest that you take the same approach with giving your wife oral. If it turns her on and really does it for her, then do it even if it isn't your cup of tea, and do it a lot so she gets as much as she wants/needs.
> 
> ...


Thanks for clarifying my intent. You relayed it perfectly.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> @Timben While the tenor of Yeti's response didn't resound with you, I would have voiced a similar response--you do it as long as it takes! Hopefully she lets you know when it's working for her
> 
> By "approach," Yeti doesn't mean a physical approach, he means your mental approach. Some men love giving oral sex, but some don't care for it but do it anyway, because they are focusing on bringing their partner joy. A successful sexual relationship means focusing on your partner's at least as much as, and in many cases more than, your own. I would suggest that you take the same approach with giving your wife oral. If it turns her on and really does it for her, then do it even if it isn't your cup of tea, and do it a lot so she gets as much as she wants/needs.
> 
> ...


Oblige for the book title. I will look it up on Amazon. To be fair, there isn't anything about sex that I do enjoy. As I said, I see no reason to lie. She and I have tried anal intercourse or whatever it's called. That too is something I do not like. I've asked my wife, what she like, you know when it came to sex. She wouldn't comply. So I raised the question again. Her answer was: "I dunno". So I took that as her saying. "please go away, and let me be." So I let her be. Didn't bother asking her again. My wife has asked me to masturbate in front of her, which I did as told. But I have to say, I felt devalued but a little excited at the same time. Like I was doing something wrong.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Timben I am curious about your wife and her attitude(s) towards sex. While you don't seem to be enjoying it and don't seem to know what to do, she seems very experimental and, well, experienced. I am not implying anything bad about your wife. But she keeps blowing you, and putting your testes in her mouth (which is a little unusual and seems to be hurting you), and Anal? It sounds to me like she is trying every trick in the book to try to turn you on. Does this sound right?

Do you find her attractive? Sometimes people marry a partner that they don't really feel attracted to or have chemistry with, and the physical relationship never has a chance. Could this be your situation? Maybe you'd have a better chance with someone you were more attracted to?

Also I think you stated earlier that you were engaged to 3 other women, and when they left they kept the rings. Did you rush into this relationship? Did you feel compelled to get married and just started proposing to any woman that would date you? Again, just wondering if you and your wife are just not very compatible and that's why you don't enjoy being physical with her, even though you think you should be.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Timben I am curious about your wife and her attitude(s) towards sex. While you don't seem to be enjoying it and don't seem to know what to do, she seems very experimental and, well, experienced. I am not implying anything bad about your wife. But she keeps blowing you, and putting your testes in her mouth (which is a little unusual and seems to be hurting you), and Anal? It sounds to me like she is trying every trick in the book to try to turn you on. Does this sound right?
> 
> Do you find her attractive? Sometimes people marry a partner that they don't really feel attracted to or have chemistry with, and the physical relationship never has a chance. Could this be your situation? Maybe you'd have a better chance with someone you were more attracted to?
> 
> Also I think you stated earlier that you were engaged to 3 other women, and when they left they kept the rings. Did you rush into this relationship? Did you feel compelled to get married and just started proposing to any woman that would date you? Again, just wondering if you and your wife are just not very compatible and that's why you don't enjoy being physical with her, even though you think you should be.


What you said about my wife being more experienced, that is correct. She is older than I. We are 8 years apart in ages. Meaning, she is 47 and I'm 39. I knew what you meant. Asking me, if I find her attractive, I would say so. Yes. I think she is a very delightful woman. But then again, I think all women are. Not rightly sure what you mean about the physical relationship. It's like this. I really am not here to complain of my wife. I know that sounds odd. Coming from my statements. But it's true. We are going on 12 years of marriage this coming, November. I'm not looking to find another wife. I have no wish to cheat on my wife. I'm not "playing the field" or whatever it's called. I told you from the very start. 

It's complicated. Been accused of being gay, during my dating years. I have no bigotry bone in my body. I try to show the utmost respect for everybody. I am not gay, because I don't find men attractive. I have never been with a man. Nor have I ever had the desire to ever wanna be with one. To answer your question, about the relationship, I am assuming you mean the one that I am currently in. Yes. Not gonna lie. This is the way went down. Met her online in April of 2006, met her in person in July of '06. She and her son (her ex-husband's boy; which is now my step-son. The boy's daddy died back in February of '05). I requested her to move in with me in September of '06. Got married in November of '06. Just so you know. I have never in my life ever took advantage of a woman. Raised better than that. I suppose that's a possibility.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Timben said:


> Oblige for the book title. I will look it up on Amazon. To be fair, there isn't anything about sex that I do enjoy. As I said, I see no reason to lie. She and I have tried anal intercourse or whatever it's called. That too is something I do not like. I've asked my wife, what she like, you know when it came to sex. She wouldn't comply. So I raised the question again. Her answer was: "I dunno". So I took that as her saying. "please go away, and let me be." So I let her be. Didn't bother asking her again. My wife has asked me to masturbate in front of her, which I did as told. But I have to say, I felt devalued but a little excited at the same time. Like I was doing something wrong.


Hmm. This makes me wonder if the sexual outlet you are seeking is along the lines of humiliation and degradation play, with you being the submissive and your wife being the Dominant.

There is ALL kinds of sexual stuff out there that you don't know about. You alluded to the fact that your upbringing was kind of messed up, and this can have all kinds of effects on how our sexuality and preferences develop.

I am, however, once again disappointed in your wife's unwillingness to communicate. If my hunch above is right, there needs to be strong communication between you and your wife in order to pursue and explore this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Timben said:


> When you were never given the proper education, and the only thing you can find that relates to sex, is pornography, where else am I gonna learn it from? I'm not attractive, nor am I a lady-killer, ever have been. I was only engaged to three other women, prior to my marriage. All of them kept the rings, and wanted me to quite frankly, get lost. Is that satisfactory enough? :cussing::cussing::cussing:


Most people never get the "proper" sex education. Most of us learn by doing and figuring out what we like. 

Porn is not a good teacher for having sex with an actual human because it's all fake.

There are some books that you help you.

*She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman* by Ian Kerner 

The following one is an old classic....

*Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex: But Were Afraid to Ask* 
by David R. Reuben M.D.

If you are not familiar with the website for "Your Brain on Porn" look it up. There is some good info on it.

I agree with others that some of what you describe about actually be a health problem that you need to see your doctor about. 

.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Timben said:


> Thank you for an understanding of my current situation. I will try again, to find a urologist. Even though I've had a bad experience in the past with them. Meaning, I've tried talking to them about my "problem" they only laughed at me, said I was a sex fiend, a sex addict and has no idea why I have painful erections and testicular pain. But as you and the others have said over and over. I will try again. Again, thank you for your understanding of my situation.


Wow, that's awful for a urologist to tell you that. Just keep looking for one who will help you. 

Just to give you an idea of how useless some doctors can be, in 1985 I had what felt like a bad flu, for 6 months.. with 104 degree fever much of the time. I went from doctor to doctor and emergency room to emergency room and none of them could find anything wrong. I went to 10 doctors. My then husband (who was in medical school) started to call my a hypochondriac. Then I find the 11th doctor and he did something that no other doctor did.. he did a TB test on me. Yep I had tuberculosis, of the kidneys, not lungs. This 11th doctor did a lot of pro bono work on the Indian reservations and with illegal immigrants from south of our border. He had seen a lot of TB. So he recognized it right off the bat. At that point, Doc #11, told me that with no medical treatment I had 6 months to live. And here I am today, 33 years later, still alive and driving everyone nuts :grin2: because of that good Doc #11.

I know you don't have something like TB. But my point is you know you have an issue so keep looking for a doctor who will take your problem seriously.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I had no sex education along with a Jamaican friend as our parents were both religious and did not agree with it.

Sex was something men did and women had done to them.

In a distant town I found an old fashioned adult book shop selling hard-core porn.

I was 18 and I bought a magazine and it was an eye-opening experience because it taught me that sexual intercourse was something that both men and women participate in and that both enjoyed.

I was savvy enough to realise that the porn magazines were not real life but they certainly helped divest me of erroneous ideas about sex being something men did and women had done to them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Timben said:


> Understood. And your guessing would correct. I live in a rural area. But I understand what your saying. There is just one more ting I would like to ask, I have posted this in the original post, but since you seem to know a lot about this stuff. And please excuse my language. When applying oral, how long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs? I do not get turned-on by this, meaning no erection. Whatsoever. Never have. Even when I was dating previous girls. Applying oral sex to women never did anything for me. Is that weird? Oblige for taking the time to answer this.


What you are describing is that you get no sexual pleasure out of pleasuring your wife. This, it seems, is the missing element in your situation. 

For many people, pleasuring their spouse and seeing their reaction to it is one of the most erotic/stimulating part of sex.

I'm not sure if this is due to you using a lot of porn, so you grew to see porn as a self centered activity. Or if your lack of pleasure from giving pleasure is based on your mental health issues. Or it could be some of both. You might want to explore why you do not get turned on from foreplay and your wife's reaction to it.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> What you are describing is that you get no sexual pleasure out of pleasuring your wife. This, it seems, is the missing element in your situation.
> 
> For many people, pleasuring their spouse and seeing their reaction to it is one of the most erotic/stimulating part of sex.
> 
> I'm not sure if this is due to you using a lot of porn, so you grew to see porn as a self centered activity. Or if your lack of pleasure from giving pleasure is based on your mental health issues. Or it could be some of both. You might want to explore why you do not get turned on from foreplay and your wife's reaction to it.


Yes that would correct. I've told my therapist on more than one occasion, as I've told my wife this. "I would rather her have the pleasure". Than me. Because if I want sex, I can look at dirty movies, and "get satisfied that way". I mean no disrespect, so please excuse my vulgar. But that's the fact. When it comes to sex, I am most confused. As for the dirty movies, I've stated that I only watched oral and manual stimulation (what a woman gives a guy). So, watching the actual act never stimulated me. Just being honest. It never did.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

UPDATE -- 

I went to the doctor's today. The Chief medical doctor said, that he believes that my testicles are inflamed. How this happened? Is beyond me, he is going to prescribe me more medicine. Just thought I would update this for the followers. Thank you so much for caring and for assisting with advice.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Most people never get the "proper" sex education. Most of us learn by doing and figuring out what we like.
> 
> Porn is not a good teacher for having sex with an actual human because it's all fake.
> 
> ...


I liked that post, but I have to say my wife hated She Comes First.


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

*Sighs* I know the way I talk about on this forum, that it doesn't sound like Iove, my wife. Have no reason to lie to you or to anybody. I love my wife and children dearly. I try to make them happy. When I said it's all about me, I was referring to the problems that I have when it pertains to sex. My wife, on the other hand, hasn't complained, at least not to me anyways. You asked me if I care if my wife created a new life away from me? I'm not sure I understand. But if you are referring to us getting a divorce. Then the answer is no. Oh, I've said it a few times, not because of the sex life, but over stupid stuff. But her answer has always been, no. She doesn't wanna divorce. But then again, I'm not sure how to answer your question. My wife volunteers a lot in the community, does a fantastic job. Everyone loves her. Our son, who is 15, is still in High School, loves his mother. He really dotes on her. He and I, on the other hand, don't really get along. Nobody's fault but mine. And mine alone. Our daughter is 9. She loves playing with her toys and enjoys school. 

Since seeking counseling in 2015, I've been trying my most darnest to change my aspect on life. I use to be extremely negative, looking for ways to sabotage our life together. I don't do that anymore. At least, I don't think I do. The main reason my wife hasn't had sexual intercourse for over a year is that she doesn't want any more children. Her words, not mine. She wants me to wear a condom. I can't wear one. Last time I wore one, was back in 2003 and the girl I was with at the time, bought me one, and I couldn't wear the dumb thing. It was tight and it hurt. And yes I don't know how to wear one. I have no idea what my size is. I know that sounds a little far-fetched because all men know how big their penis is. Well, I don't because I can't read a tape measure. The girl I was with, told me I was 8" then another girl says I was 11" so I have no idea who to believe. I tried to do it myself, by a ruler, it says I was between 4" and 5" which is probably right. Ever since then, I've been a tad sized-obsessed. Meaning, wishing and wanting to be "hung like an army mule" sorter speak. Not out of "pornography star status" but out of bragging rights. Other words, have my wife brag about it. I know that's, stupid but that's the way I feel. I avoid sexual activity and to experience sexual pleasure because of my fears about rejection and my fears about intimacy. I feel anxiety and shame about my body, sexual attractiveness, and sexual responses. Because whenever I get an erection, and when I'm extremely erect, it's quite painful. Like as if I'm holding off. And I noticed that the glans of my penis changes colors. I do not know if that is supposed to happen or not. It swells and begins to pulsate very tensely. Which also causes my testicles to hurt. Another thing happens, is that in order to keep stamina and hardness throughout the act, itself. I lose my erection, rather quickly, which causes me to act rather angrily not at my wife, but myself. Roll over and become seriously ticked-off at me not at my wife. All because I can't remain erect enough to have sex with her.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@Timben I would recommend that you try not to be so obsessed with size, if you can. Average size is somewhere around 5 or 6 inches, and plenty of women are perfectly satisfied with an average size penis. While there are some women out there who are "size queens," for most women, bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. In fact, bigger can hurt; a larger penis is more likely to hit her cervix during sex, which can be very painful for some women.

If a regular condom was too painful and tight, you could try XL condoms. Trojan makes them, labeled "Magnum." I'm sure there are other brands, that's just the one I know of. But if the condom isn't snug enough, it could come off during sex in her vaginal canal, and if you climax and this happens, the condom isn't going to be effective.

If she doesn't want more children, and neither do you, and your marriage is otherwise strong, have you considered pursuing another type (possibly permanent) of birth control? Then condoms wouldn't be an issue.

Try not to be angry with yourself if you lose the erection. It's just a thing that happens sometimes, and it isn't anybody's fault. Getting angry with yourself just makes it more difficult to get back.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> @Timben I would recommend that you try not to be so obsessed with size, if you can. Average size is somewhere around 5 or 6 inches, and plenty of women are perfectly satisfied with an average size penis. While there are some women out there who are "size queens," for most women, bigger doesn't necessarily mean better. In fact, bigger can hurt; a larger penis is more likely to hit her cervix during sex, which can be very painful for some women.
> 
> If a regular condom was too painful and tight, you could try XL condoms. Trojan makes them, labeled "Magnum." I'm sure there are other brands, that's just the one I know of. But if the condom isn't snug enough, it could come off during sex in her vaginal canal, and if you climax and this happens, the condom isn't going to be effective.
> 
> ...


Yes ma'am, I've considered getting myself fixed. I had a talk with my wife about my size, and she said that, I was above average. Whatever that means. Understood ma'am. *Sighs* I will not to be so angry with myself.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

despite all the hype, not all guys can cum from receiving oral sex. Some need to be in charge. Some just like the feeling of a nice vagina (it IS perfectly made to match the penis). some can get hard, but need to finish inside of the woman.

i think your problem is while watching porn, you got the idea that all men cum from BJs. that is some sort of fantasy


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> despite all the hype, not all guys can cum from receiving oral sex. Some need to be in charge. Some just like the feeling of a nice vagina (it IS perfectly made to match the penis). some can get hard, but need to finish inside of the woman.
> 
> i think your problem is while watching porn, you got the idea that all men cum from BJs. that is some sort of fantasy


Not really sir, no. While watching dirty movies, I got the idea that all men have pleasure expressions on their faces, while their female partners are oral stimulating their penises.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Timben said:


> Yes ma'am, I've considered getting myself fixed. I had a talk with my wife about my size, and she said that, I was above average. Whatever that means. Understood ma'am. *Sighs* I will not to be so angry with myself.


If she says you're above average (and considering previous partners have commented on your size), you're on the larger side and you have nothing to worry about.

Try the Magnums and see how they feel.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> If she says you're above average (and considering previous partners have commented on your size), you're on the larger side and you have nothing to worry about.
> 
> Try the Magnums and see how they feel.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Yes, ma'am. Thank you for clarifying it. I'm going to try to be a little more touch and feel with her. Like instead of her instigating sex. I want to attempt it. And I would like to ask for oral, I would really like to understand the feeling and the correct response when receiving it. Any advice on this? I realize that I said, that I don't get anything out of it, but I wanna try again, perhaps it's something I'm doing wrong. And ma'am, I hope I haven't offended you what so ever with my forum or my content. I've been really stressed out over this. And... just recently found out my father has been told that he has lung cancer.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Timben said:


> I was never sexually educated when I was younger.


So, you're like most of us.



Timben said:


> ...what does foreplay involve besides kissing and caressing?...


Whatever your partner wants. Ask her, not strangers. Good sex begins with good communications.



Timben said:


> How long am I expected to be down between my wife's legs?


As long as she wants. You should by this time, be capable of reading her signals. If you aren't, then start asking questions and ask her to maybe be louder, give more physical signs, or whatever. Communications. Start and end of good sex.[/quote]



Timben said:


> Why do I not get excited when I’m touching her, or why oral sex and manual stimulations' are so fascinating to me? It is not related to my wife, she finds having intercourse enjoyable, I do not. So the problem does not apply to her.


For myself, what excites me is knowing that my partner is enjoying what I am doing. Since you are apparently not in good communications with your partners' responses, I'd say you're unable to recognize that you're turning her on. Improve communications.



Timben said:


> My wife like so many has occasionally performed Fellatio. I have heard so many guys, reading from forums that is, how much enjoyment they have from this. I do not. Mainly because I can't keep an erection when she does this. Weird, right? Nor can I ejaculate when this occurs. What is the right response?


"Darling, I love that you want to do that, but I prefer it if you (insert your favorite activity here). Communicate with your wife, not strangers on the internet.



Timben said:


> All I do is stare at her like she is doing something wrong.


That's generally not a very effective way to communicate.



Timben said:


> I've tried several times to shut my eyes,


Also generally not known as a good communications technique.



Timben said:


> Also, whenever I get an erection, my penis will swell and begin to pulsate very tensely. When this happens, it's indescribably painful.


OK, now that's unusual. I can't imagine that any sexual act would be enjoyable - any time you get excited, it's painful? I'd see a doctor about that.



Timben said:


> Do you have every reason to believe that sexual blockage would cause this kind of issue? What has gotten into me? Thank you for the help


Start with a physical exam. Actual physical pain should be evaluated as a biophysical issue first.

Good luck.

DDDDDDDDDDAAAAWWWWWWGGGGGGG


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Timben said:


> Yes, ma'am. Thank you for clarifying it. I'm going to try to be a little more touch and feel with her. Like instead of her instigating sex. I want to attempt it. And I would like to ask for oral, I would really like to understand the feeling and the correct response when receiving it. Any advice on this? I realize that I said, that I don't get anything out of it, but I wanna try again, perhaps it's something I'm doing wrong. And ma'am, I hope I haven't offended you what so ever with my forum or my content. I've been really stressed out over this. And... just recently found out my father has been told that he has lung cancer.


I'm not really sure about that one. How you "ask" for it really depends on the dynamic you have with your wife, and the mood in the moment. And I understand that is probably difficult for you to read. I don't have any good advice on that one. It's really different for each couple.

As for how you are supposed to react, well, that is up to you. You aren't "supposed" to act in a specific way, you should just try to relax and enjoy... and whatever reactions come on your part, just let them happen. Some men close their eyes, lean their head back, and just enjoy the moment. Some like to watch their partner. Some will like to hold their partner's head and try to control the speed and depth, in an (I can only assume) attempt to simulate PIV sex of to get her to deep-throat. (This last one, I personally don't like, because it can cause your partner to gag. Some guys like this because it makes them feel "big," but unless their female partner also likes this, it's really not fun for her.)

In regards to receiving oral sex, there isn't much the man can do wrong, aside from what I've said above. If you're on the receiving end, your job is just to relax and enjoy.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. If you're seriously stressing, it may be time to take some stuff off your plate, or put some things on the back burner. Just focus on the most important things right now.

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## Timben (Apr 4, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not really sure about that one. How you "ask" for it really depends on the dynamic you have with your wife, and the mood in the moment. And I understand that is probably difficult for you to read. I don't have any good advice on that one. It's really different for each couple.
> 
> As for how you are supposed to react, well, that is up to you. You aren't "supposed" to act in a specific way, you should just try to relax and enjoy... and whatever reactions come on your part, just let them happen. Some men close their eyes, lean their head back, and just enjoy the moment. Some like to watch their partner. Some will like to hold their partner's head and try to control the speed and depth, in an (I can only assume) attempt to simulate PIV sex of to get her to deep-throat. (This last one, I personally don't like, because it can cause your partner to gag. Some guys like this because it makes them feel "big," but unless their female partner also likes this, it's really not fun for her.)
> 
> ...


Thanks. I understand what your saying about the oral sex thing. You've been quite the help. Really hope I haven't offended you or anyone on this forum. I could have used vulgar terms but since this is a forum for advice on marriage and sex. I just thought it would be nice to discuss it with the correct medical terms. Again, you've been great at giving advice about this stuff. For that I thank you very much.


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