# Married only a month



## WhereToGoFromHere2020 (Dec 8, 2020)

Married just a month and my husband has confessed something to me that has pretty much turned my world upside down. It really changes everything for me. I’ve made an appointment with a therapist to try to work through this. 
Has anyone ever been devastated and lost their trust in their spouse but we’re able to work through it? I just don’t know what to do...


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I think that if there is something world shattering to be confessed, it should be done before the wedding night, not after. Holding out until after the wedding seems manipulative and I do not react well to manipulation.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

This is very generic. So has anyone every been devastated and worked through it yes. But there are different kinds of devastation. Did you find out he's having sex with others that's a hard one and not worth sticking around when you are only a month in. 

Or did you find out he cheated on his diet. 

MOre detail will get better answers


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## WhereToGoFromHere2020 (Dec 8, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> This is very generic. So has anyone every been devastated and worked through it yes. But there are different kinds of devastation. Did you find out he's having sex with others that's a hard one and not worth sticking around when you are only a month in.
> 
> Or did you find out he cheated on his diet.
> 
> MOre detail will get better answers


 I’m having some issues trying to word this. He hasn’t physically slept with some one but it’s more of an emotional affair. I found out he’s been sending someone he met online money. He claims that there’s no romantic connection it’s just platonic. But it feels like it’s a sugar daddy situation and he’s essentially brought another woman into his life.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Married only a month? Annulment is still an option then. Married under false pretenses.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

What led to your husband confessing? Did you discover something inadvertently or did he confess to you because he felt guilty? 

Whether it's platonic or not, sending a stranger he met online money is just plain wrong.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Money’s involved? It’s not platonic. He’s getting something out of this “friendship” that’s important to him. You’ll never feel that you can trust him again — and you shouldn’t.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Money is a lot bigger than you think. Financial infidelity is what? #2?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

WhereToGoFromHere2020 said:


> I’m having some issues trying to word this. He hasn’t physically slept with some one but it’s more of an emotional affair. I found out he’s been sending someone he met online money. He claims that there’s no romantic connection it’s just platonic. But it feels like it’s a sugar daddy situation and he’s essentially brought another woman into his life.


Have they actually met? How did you find out? How long has this been going on?


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## WhereToGoFromHere2020 (Dec 8, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> What led to your husband confessing? Did you discover something inadvertently or did he confess to you because he felt guilty?
> 
> Whether it's platonic or not, sending a stranger he met online money is just plain wrong.


He needed to give me bank statements because we were planning on starting to look at homes. He thought I would questions the transactions and that led him to tell me


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

WhereToGoFromHere2020 said:


> He needed to give me bank statements because we were planning on starting to look at homes. He thought I would questions the transactions and that led him to tell me


I very rarely give definite advice as everyone's situation is different.

But in this case... get out now.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

WhereToGoFromHere2020 said:


> He needed to give me bank statements because we were planning on starting to look at homes. He thought I would questions the transactions and that led him to tell me


Most men / people give money to strangers like that if they want something. He maybe doing the virtual sex thing/ pictures. Or he may just want to believe someone like her would like them. 

My SMIL has sent thousands of dollars to a scammer because he pretends to be in a relationship with her. Even after she knew it was a scam she still sends money because she likes to pretend.

I'm sorry but please don't buy a house and make things VERY permanent and messy until this is resolved. Including don't have children. Could this be resolved and it work out. Sure. But it is so very early in the marriage. If it was like a gambling debt he didn't tell you about or something I'd say maybe work on it. I'd still advise to hold off on any permanentish things like house and kids. BUT this is a man who isn't committed to you. Why in the world would he become committed in the future if he isn't now. Some men are players they cheat the whole marriage. They want to get married but want to keep their ego and options open.

Do you make more money than him? Are you already the mother of his children? How / why exactly did you two get married in the first place?


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

WhereToGoFromHere2020 said:


> He needed to give me bank statements because we were planning on starting to look at homes. He thought I would questions the transactions and that led him to tell me


If there is one secret, there are probably other secrets as well. To hold secrets is a mindset, a vision of how he sees marriage.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So, since before you married, he's been emotionally and financially unfaithful and only told you because he knew you'd find out anyway and you want to work it out? He's been lying by omission and commission for an extended period of time, giving another woman money, and having an emotional (at least) affair with her all while planning a wedding and a life with you and you want to stay? Good God, why?!?!?!?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

WhereToGo,

This is very very serious, as others have suggested please get an annulment.

A few points.....

You should be in the honeymoon phase of your marriage, but you are not, he should be in love with only you

Your H has shown very poor judgement if he is falling for a con artist online

Get out before you find out that your H has maxed out credit cards and taken out loans you are jointly responsible for

Accept that this is a emotional and sexual affair

I say all this because of recent indirect experience, a lady at church sent 50-70K to some online romance recently and she is now working multiple jobs to pay rent.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

If you havent already done so, at least separate your finances and file for legal separation so that you have a definitive date of when the marriage/joint finances were paused.

I'd also demand that he reimburse half of what he sent to his side piece to me, as that is OUR money.

Dirtbag.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

I'm really curious about the details of the arrangement and the relationship. Is this an OnlyFans kind of thing, a full-on sugarbaby arrangement, some foreign woman thing. 

How old are the two of you?


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## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

Wow, more information is needed regarding this strange arrangement of your husband sending money to someone he met on the internet. I can't imagine how he could justify this behavior, but if there is something missing, please let us know. Nevertheless, with the information provided, I would strongly consider ending the marriage either by annulment or divorce. Do not buy anything with him.


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## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

How much has he sent her?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Devastated? Lost trust? Of course, why would you think otherwise. Surely y'all have discussed the details. Except you cannot trust him to tell you the basic details. He did not exactly 'volunteer' this info. What was he thinking would happen? Does she know about you--you don't know because you can't trust him.

He has shown how little respect he has for you. How long has this been going on? What did he consider their relationship/arrangement to be--DK again because no trust--can't believe anything he says. Who knows what he considers to be important. 

I would not want to start married life with someone so deceitful--this is just the beginning. How long were you together before marriage??


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

See a lawyer and get a divorce or at least some kind of post nuptial financial separation so his financial irresponsibility doesn’t harm your credit score or your financial standings.

If this is one of those African princess scams, they can bilk thousands and thousands of dollars out of these desperate and clueless men. 

Some of these scams aren’t even actual women on the other end but Russian mafia and other professional scam artists. 

Get yourself as separated from him legally and financially as you can.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

WhereToGoFromHere2020 said:


> Married just a month and my husband has confessed something to me that has pretty much turned my world upside down. It really changes everything for me. I’ve made an appointment with a therapist to try to work through this.
> Has anyone ever been devastated and lost their trust in their spouse but we’re able to work through it? I just don’t know what to do...


Annulment.


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