# Controlling??



## RaceGirl (Apr 13, 2015)

Aside from my STBXH's cheating and drinking, Saturday was the last straw. We're supposed to take the boys to the beach and knowing how picky he is, I ask him what he wants me to wear. He says something to the beach. I put on a tankini and a coverup strapless terry cloth dress. He gets really upset and says he wants me to look sexy. The week before he had me put on shorts and pumps. I'm trying to go along with him until I get my ducks in row to leave him a month or two, maybe sooner now. 

We end up arguing for about 10 minutes on how he doesn't want his wife to look the most unattractive. I told him not to be a **** and I don't intentionally try to look unattractive. I didn't realize how controlling, needy, and what a user he is. 

Lord, and everyone here please help me. I have a good job, dependable car, supportive family, place to go, just got a new checking account with direct deposit, the only thing I'm worried about are the boys. I'm having a hard time leaving because I want the boys to have their dad around. I'm afraid if I leave him, he will start drinking again. 

He doesn't like my hair, my makeup, my clothes, he makes me change my outfit. I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of him. I think he's such a bad guy on so many levels, the drinking, the cheating, the bar tending job he won't give up. It's been about 13 years that I've been asking him to get a new job. I finally realize he's not going to change. His flirtatious ways. I'm sick of it.

Just yesterday on our anniversary he told me I looked like a dirty **** because I was wearing tshirt, jeans and boots. It's so over. I can't believe I've been in such an abusive relationship for so long.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

RaceGirl said:


> Aside from my STBXH's cheating and drinking, Saturday was the last straw. We're supposed to take the boys to the beach and knowing how picky he is, I ask him what he wants me to wear. He says something to the beach. I put on a tankini and a coverup strapless terry cloth dress. He gets really upset and says he wants me to look sexy. The week before he had me put on shorts and pumps. I'm trying to go along with him until I get my ducks in row to leave him a month or two, maybe sooner now.
> 
> We end up arguing for about 10 minutes on how he doesn't want his wife to look the most unattractive. I told him not to be a **** and I don't intentionally try to look unattractive. I didn't realize how controlling, needy, and what a user he is.
> 
> ...


He is emotionally abusing you and it's all about control. he has also cheated on you. You need to leave him, who cares if he becomes a raging alcoholic, you are not relying on him financially. You do not want your kids growing up learning how to not treatment a woman.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Perhaps this will help...every day you stay with him is another day he gets to teach his sons how to treat women badly. Do you really want that for them? It will mean that in 20 years their wives will be on this board talking about them the way you are talking about your STBXH.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The best thing you can do for your boys is to leave him. And when you do, tell them exactly why you left their father... 

"I will not live with a man who is constantly picking at everthing I say and do." and whatever else there is.

I did this with my son. Why? Because I wanted him to learn the consequences of treating a woman the way his father treated me.

A man who mistreats the mother of his children is not a good father.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I have a book for you to read, the bible on abuse:
Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men, by Bancroft


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

With his history, to ask him "what do you want me to wear" invites abuse and is enabling.

Please get yourself into IC (or Al-Anon if $ is an issue) and do some personal recovery work before you get into another dating relationship.

Right now, you have a huge bullseye on you and abusers are going to see it a mile away.


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