# What Are Your "Deal Breakers"?



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Just wondering, what would cause you to end a relationship or keep you from starting anew relationship?

For me, cheating -either emotional or physical would (and has been) a deal breaker. I would also say a partner who was not interested in sex would be a deal breaker.

I have a couple more, but I'd like to hear from others before I ramble on some more.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Abuse, 

Infidelity,

Willful Neglect.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Wiltshireman said:


> Abuse,
> 
> Infidelity,
> 
> Willful Neglect.


To the point and dead right in my opinion!
Well said W'!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Abuse
Materialism
Dishonesty
Ignorance
Infidelity
Judgements
Avoidance
Neglect
Arrogance
Lack of respect
Lack of empathy
Lack of common sense
Doesn't like animals
Manipulativeness
Self-centerness


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Abuse
> Materialism
> Dishonesty
> Ignorance
> ...


It's a good job you are not too fussy.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)




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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Abuse
> Materialism
> Dishonesty
> Ignorance
> ...


I'd like to steal your list and add a few of my own:
-victim mentality
-lack of common courtesy
-not affectionate
-low drive or no drive
-sexual selfishness
-close mindedness


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Abuse
> Materialism
> Dishonesty
> Ignorance
> ...


Anyone left?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Abuse
> Materialism
> Dishonesty
> Ignorance
> ...


I call puffery


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> Abuse
> Materialism
> Dishonesty
> Ignorance
> ...


I am just as fussy if not worse... Love your list Random Dude...I agree with them all... (we have a dog & a cat)..the disliking animals wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker for me though....



> *TopsyTurvy5 said*: Just wondering, what would cause you to end a relationship *or keep you from starting anew relationship?*


My answers are more in line with - what I would try to avoid at all costs in seeking a new Partner..

*1.* * If a man lacked a willing transparency.*..when getting to know someone you may share a life with, the emotional connection flourishing... I could not be with someone who had a "its none of your business" attitude in any way.... I need a man who ENJOYS (again willingly) sharing about his day, the deeper things in life...just because he WANTS to, because it brings us closer together...I am geared this way so I need this in a partner.....I couldn't be with someone I felt was cold, restrictive , aloof or distant...

*2.* *A man who was Low drive & didn't appreciate a woman coming on to him*.... I need a man who thrives on Intimacy, loves making love, cuddling...MUST LOVE SEX... lots of touching... 

*3. * *A man who couldn't live within his means*... Don't care how much he makes -I'd marry a Garbage collector...Blue collar is fine ...but if he was a frivolous careless spender, we'd fight non stop... I hate debt ..







. I prefer "savers" so when we need something, the money is there in reserve, for rainy days , torrential downpour times...

*4. **A man who lacked a healthy Self Awareness, or was passive aggressive*... as these things would destroy our Communication... 

*5.** a Workaholic*..I'd rather have less money & more time with my guy.

*6*. *If he was the Partier type*...we wouldn't have much in common... I don't drink, don't care for bars & that sort of crowd. 

*7. * *If he was overly religious /a fundamentalist in any form*...no interest in fighting over God's and Doctrinal Rules... The "Golden Rule" is enough for me.. I'd want him to at least live by THIS...

*8*. *If he loved the city *... I need to be with someone who loves the country and wants to live there.... I would feel caged living in the city...

*9.* *Addictions* that sucked his time/ resources from his wife & family... 

*10.* *Physical or emotional abuse*... 

*11*. * If he wasn't the Family man type.*... must enjoy kids, Family vacations that sort of thing.

*12*.* If he felt Romance was dead and belittled Older Fashioned values*... we'd not get along. ..


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'll see your:

Abuse
Materialism
Dishonesty
Ignorance
Infidelity
Judgements
Avoidance
Neglect
Arrogance
Lack of respect
Lack of empathy
Lack of common sense
Doesn't like animals
Manipulativeness
Self-centerness 

Plus: 

-victim mentality
-lack of common courtesy
-not affectionate
-low drive or no drive
-sexual selfishness
-close mindedness 

And raise you:

unethical
unreliable
irresponsible
addiction(s)
lack of compassion
narcissism
righteousness
superstitious
poor hygiene
mental illness
obesity

and many, many more! It's amazing that anyone passed my filters, but there were many.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> And raise you:
> 
> unethical
> unreliable
> ...


And we can safely add a few of these to my list too. It's amazing how many deal breakers a person has when they sit down and think about what they're willing to take. 

It's weird though,mental illness and addiction isn't on my list of dealbreakers for my husband.But those things would prevent me from starting a relationship w/someone else who had those issues.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

This really has to be two lists. What things would keep you out of a new relationship and what things would make you leave a marriage. Those are two very different lists for me. There are only a few things that my spouse could do that would cause me to say "I refuse to work with you on this", and those things would have to be chronic and empirically resistant to change. 

I guess I expect people to have failings, and those failings are not simple binary go/no go gates for ending a long term marriage. Now the list of things I might avoid from the outset - that's a different beast altogether:

Mental illness
Substance abuse
Far right leaning politics
Low IQ
Strict religious observance


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## Fix It Felix (Feb 28, 2014)

For me, conflict-avoidance and stonewalling are big ones along with the usual stuff.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I'll see your:
> 
> Abuse
> Materialism
> ...


All of the above plus:

Lack of 6-pack abs
Lack of wash board belly
Under 6ft 2 (i am, after all, 5'3)
Lack of broad shoulders 
Not looking like Tyson Chandler but cuter
Can't play chess 
Can't play BB
Don't have light brown eyes
No wide smile
Don't have a deep speaking voice
Can't make me melt when you squeeze me

OK I think thats everything. All other concerns we can work on.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> All of the above plus:
> 
> Lack of 6-pack abs
> Lack of wash board belly
> ...


LOL. If we're going there, then I'll have to add for must *have*:

5'5' to 5'7"
0.7 waist/hip ratio
under 135 lb
D-cup
muscular calves
toned overal
brunette
martial arts experience
atheist/Buddhist
no piercings
beautiful smile
well traveled
IQ over 115
high emotional intelligence
enjoys science and sci-fi
good conversationalist


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> LOL. If we're going there, then I'll have to add for must *have*:
> 
> 5'5' to 5'7"
> 0.7 waist/hip ratio
> ...


:smthumbup:


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> LOL. If we're going there, then I'll have to add for must *have*:
> 
> 5'5' to 5'7"
> 0.7 waist/hip ratio
> ...


Ohhhh, I might be your girl. 

I'd demand a man with good personal hygiene. After that, I'd be flex on the deal breakers.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Most of mine have been already mentioned, but a huge deal breaker for me is a hysterical personality "OH MY GAAWWD ISN"T THIS THE BEST PIE EVER? I HAVE NEVER TASTED SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS!!!! YUM YUM YUM YUM!!!!! DON"T YOU LOVE IT???? OH GAAAAWWWWD THIS IS SOOOO GOOOOOD!!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT JUST LOVE IT???

I just cringe.


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## tryingtodoitright (Jan 14, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Abuse
> Materialism
> Dishonesty
> Ignorance
> ...


wow. either you're single or you have found the *perfect* spouse. i think just about everyone will have a shade of one of these at some point...


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## tryingtodoitright (Jan 14, 2014)

abuse of my kids
infidelity
gross dishonesty (yes, this is subjective, so tough to make this one stick)
negligence


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Just wondering, what would cause you to end a relationship or keep you from starting anew relationship?
> 
> For me, cheating -either emotional or physical would (and has been) a deal breaker. I would also say a partner who was not interested in sex would be a deal breaker.
> 
> I have a couple more, but I'd like to hear from others before I ramble on some more.


In no particular order:-

Lack of communication

Dishonesty

Disloyalty

Infidelity (EA or PA)

Sexual incompatibility

Abuse


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> All of the above plus:
> 
> Lack of 6-pack abs
> Lack of wash board belly
> ...


Well if he has to look like Tyson Chandler, doesn't that mean he has to be 7'-1" tall? That pretty much guarantees a null set.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

short hair.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> short hair.


Where?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Where?



On the back?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It would take a lot for me to pack in my marriage in regards to personality failings. Dh is not perfect that's for sure, and some of those things people have listed, I have thought of him as displaying at some point or another, selfish etc. I'm sure he's thought the same about me. One thing that would certainly end it quick with no question or doubt; death.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

breeze said:


> It would take a lot for me to pack in my marriage in regards to personality failings. Dh is not perfect that's for sure, and some of those things people have listed, I have thought of him as displaying at some point or another, selfish etc. I'm sure he's thought the same about me. One thing that would certainly end it quick with no question or doubt; death.


Several have infidelity on their list. I'm not sure that would even be a deal breaker for me, at least not a single episode that was corrected and which was well and truly apologized. Infidelity is often a symptom, not the disease itself.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Several have infidelity on their list. I'm not sure that would even be a deal breaker for me, at least not a single episode that was corrected and which was well and truly apologized. *Infidelity is often a symptom, not the disease itself.*


:iagree:

I just said this earlier today on soulpotato's thread.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Physical: lack of positive traits
Mental: lack of positive traits
Too much spent on things like nose rings, tatoos etc. <--mental lack of control


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## SlyGuy (Jan 14, 2014)

deal breakers:

no sense of humor
no will power to keep herself looking good
lack of forgiveness
resent-fullness
sexually selfish
non-toucher (won't receive or give touch)
overly stubborn
unkind to my friends or family (doesn't have to like them.... just not be rude and condescending)
and most important: bad communication


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Abuse (verbal and/or physical)
Infidelity (EA or PA)
Extreme religious views/observance

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Cooper said:


> Most of mine have been already mentioned, but a huge deal breaker for me is a hysterical personality "OH MY GAAWWD ISN"T THIS THE BEST PIE EVER? I HAVE NEVER TASTED SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS!!!! YUM YUM YUM YUM!!!!! DON"T YOU LOVE IT???? OH GAAAAWWWWD THIS IS SOOOO GOOOOOD!!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT JUST LOVE IT???
> 
> I just cringe.


LOL! thank god I'm not the only one.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Cletus said:


> Several have infidelity on their list. I'm not sure that would even be a deal breaker for me, at least not a *single* episode that was corrected and which was well and truly apologized. Infidelity is often a symptom, not the disease itself.




Well that's the rub though isn't it? I haven't ever known anyone who was a single incident cheater. Hearing of some of my friends experiences, both male and female, it was alway multiple times with their SO as well. If it happens in the world where someone cheats once then never again I don't know if I would be ok with that honestly. Guess I would have to see that unicorn first maybe :rofl:


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Reason to end relationship:

Cheating.

Deal breakers for starting relationship:

Not athletic/interested in sports
Not passionate/ambitious about chosen field of work
Extremist viewpoints in either direction (left or right)


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Several have infidelity on their list. I'm not sure that would even be a deal breaker for me, at least not a single episode that was corrected and which was well and truly apologized. Infidelity is often a symptom, not the disease itself.


 It is for me. Be damned if I'm going to spend the rest of my life always looking over my shoulder wondering if she's where she says she is, wondering if she's with who she says she's with, wondering if she doing what she's says she's doing. 

What kind of life could that be when you have that nagging feeling hanging over you from sun up to sun down and everything in between.

If she doesn't want to be with me and there's someone else that she feels can meet her needs, then go to him but have the common decency to tell me. Don't go dragging my life through the mud.

And if it was me doing the cheating, then I would expect the same from her and I would have no one to blame but myself. I lived it and will not have it in my life. I deserve better.

Betrayal hurts worse than any physical pain because it never goes away, at least for me.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Cletus has been with his wife a long time, and really loves her. When you have been together a long time, you understand each other, even when you get frustrated. And you are committed, come **** or high water. You can just tolerate more, I think.

Ever heard the saying, "Murder, definitely. Divorce, never."?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Isn't it curious that there are so many words for flaws and dysfunctions compared to the number of words for healthy, normal function and relationships?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cooper said:


> Most of mine have been already mentioned, but a huge deal breaker for me is a hysterical personality "*OH MY GAAWWD ISN"T THIS THE BEST PIE EVER? I HAVE NEVER TASTED SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS!!!*! YUM YUM YUM YUM!!!!! DON"T YOU LOVE IT???? OH GAAAAWWWWD THIS IS SOOOO GOOOOOD!!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT JUST LOVE IT???


 Maybe I just have a dirty mind but I was imagining this played out in the bedroom substituting some words.. though I can't imagine the "YUM YUM YUM" -there is a time and place for high enthusiasm...it's not all bad... so long as we come off as an adult ...that is..


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Abuse
Loose morals
Fat due to overeating/lack of control 
Short-tempered
Self-important (looks down on others)
Myopic
Not interesting & not interested
Poor hygiene
Hoarder
Racist


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

If they supported Man Utd ! 

Sorry but that is just not possible to get by!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

My big ones are:

cigarette smoking
alcoholism and/or drug addiction
anger/temper issues
inability to communicate
sexual incompatibility
lack of maturity
bad fiduciary habits

And to Random Dude
Ignorance? Really? That is a lack of knowledge that can be corrected with information. Stupidity, however, is another matter.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

On a more serious note! and having difficulty adding to the list above I'd say having 'double standards' was an increasing deal breaker for me

As time grew on she'd just come up with sh!t that once gone into increasingly made her look ridiculous 

"your not giving the children proper cooked food" as she would intone down the phone - from McDonalds (for the 3rd time that week!) Whilst in fact since they were on solid foods I'm almost obsessive that they eat real food as much as they can with the odd crap takeout here and there for fun.

She'd scream about something unimportant "How can you do that" I'd walk on eggshells for a week then remember 'fk it you actually did exactly this 6 months ago but now you've forgotten'

It was an increasing trait that really did have negative repercussions in the end, my respect for her just disappeared


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