# Sex - boring!



## Sankofa007 (Nov 2, 2012)

I am 32 years old and my sex life with my husband is bordering on the mundane. I dated my husband for 10 years before we got married and had four years of marriage. Even I will admit that sex between us is no longer mind-blowing. Especially since we had our son. Yes he is 4yrs old but he is a differently-abled child. We hard get any time for each other, not to mention since I had my son, I've put on considerable weight since then. I'm doing my best to lose it but it's real difficult. I'm humbled when he tells me that I still look beautiful, but I no longer feel that way. How can I put the spark back into my marriage? I love my husband very much and worship the ground he walks on - it would crush me if he walks - a man of his caliber in this day and age is hard to find.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that your son makes it hard to have some time together. Perhaps you could hire someone to watch your son sometimes.

I used to have a high school student who would do just that. That way my son was in and around the house but someone was there to watch him. 

A couple should spend 15 hours a week together doing date-like things by themselves. Perhaps you can start to plan some times like this... make sure your son is in bed early every night. Then you and your husband can spend an hour or so every night sitting, talking, cuddling. Walks are other good, simple, date-liek things to do.

The thing is that the more time you spend together, the more sexy you will feel. Women need closeness and touch to keep up their desires. EVery time you touch, or are touched by , your husband your body makes hormens that make you feel bonded to him... it does the same for him. Sit close together, walk and hold hands...get close outside the bedroom and you will have a much more passionate marriage.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Could I ask that you be a bit more specific. Have you lost the spark? Has he? Are you after more frequency or ? What about your sex life has become mundane?


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Sankofa007 said:


> I am 32 years old and my sex life with my husband is bordering on the mundane. I dated my husband for 10 years before we got married and had four years of marriage. Even I will admit that sex between us is no longer mind-blowing. Especially since we had our son. Yes he is 4yrs old but he is a differently-abled child. We hard get any time for each other, not to mention since I had my son, I've put on considerable weight since then. I'm doing my best to lose it but it's real difficult. I'm humbled when he tells me that I still look beautiful, but I no longer feel that way. How can I put the spark back into my marriage? I love my husband very much and worship the ground he walks on - it would crush me if he walks - a man of his caliber in this day and age is hard to find.


I'm also curious about the specifics of your sex life. But I can comment on the weight loss thing. My wife gained some weight and it never caused feel less attracted to her. But I get kind of worked up when she says things like "I don't feel sexy cause I'm too fat". If her own body image is hurting her sex drive than I want her to lose the weight. Also when she is really fit she is better at sex. Sex is a physically demanding activity.

I highly recommend the P90X and Insanity programs from beachbody. They are hard as hell and require time to be set aside everyday. But they really do work and work fast. You will not only lose weight but improve your strength and endurance for passionate sex. I can provide more guidance if your interested.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

So much can be done to rekindle the spark. 

Start with little things, like texting him during the day talking about what you'd like to do with him tonight. 

Go buy some pretty lingerie (trust me - he doesn't care about the weight), some candles and a toy or two (buy it online if you're embarassed) and surprise him one night.

Working out and getting into better shape will revitalize your confidence - always a good idea. 

You can also try putting on some good music, put him in a chair and tie his hands behind him with a scarf. Tell him he's not allowed to touch you or move. Start dancing and stripping down, touching him occasionally, putting yourself just within reach and then backing away, teasing him. If you're comfortable, this is a great time to start opening his shirt, unzipping his pants, getting him all worked up. Bring him to the brink and then stop and walk away. Give him a show watching you pleasure yourself and then turn him loose!


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## Sankofa007 (Nov 2, 2012)

I am welcome to any sure advice I'm given except one. Where I live, you don't leave children with my son's condition with just anyone. He has spina bifida and that makes him even more vulnerable to what there is out there. I can't within good sense do this - I just can't.


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## Sankofa007 (Nov 2, 2012)

I have tried all of that. It just doesn't seem to work. Even working out to get myself back in shape no longer does it. The minute I lose even five pounds, I gain two pounds more. I'm not even a big eater! I eat like a bird and that still doesn't help!


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## Sankofa007 (Nov 2, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> Could I ask that you be a bit more specific. Have you lost the spark? Has he? Are you after more frequency or ? What about your sex life has become mundane?


Yes I believe we have lost the spark. It seems like we make appointments. My husband is a security officer and I'm a student studying to be a nurse. At the end of the day, we're too tired to even think about sex. It's the same thing over and over again. We don't even have it in us to try something new, it quickly wears off.


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## Sankofa007 (Nov 2, 2012)

east2west said:


> I'm also curious about the specifics of your sex life. But I can comment on the weight loss thing. My wife gained some weight and it never caused feel less attracted to her. But I get kind of worked up when she says things like "I don't feel sexy cause I'm too fat". If her own body image is hurting her sex drive than I want her to lose the weight. Also when she is really fit she is better at sex. Sex is a physically demanding activity.
> 
> I highly recommend the P90X and Insanity programs from beachbody. They are hard as hell and require time to be set aside everyday. But they really do work and work fast. You will not only lose weight but improve your strength and endurance for passionate sex. I can provide more guidance if your interested.


As I said, I've practically tried all that, and nothing seems to work, I gain weight just as soon as I lose it and more. It's frustrating. I'm a humble woman with little beginnings. We don't have much and we make do with what we have.


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