# What to do



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

My first thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/66893-hurting.html

Long story short.

Wife has an affair
I do everything wrong at first. (Cry,beg..etc...etc)
I file
Fake R
Divorce should be final in a couple of weeks, 

We have a D and she is 8yrs old. The parenting plan we are using is week on week off with the other parent having a mid-week visit with D on their off week.

I just got an email from stbxw stating that she needs to travel for work on the week of the 15th, being this is her week to have our D, she is asking if she could keep D next week with me having more than the the one mid week visit to see her and that I then take her the week of the 15th.

So here is my problem... STBXW has always put her job ahead of our family and it seems to be continuing. Her option of me not having D for two weeks is NOT going to happen, but I feel since we are now two single parents, she needs to work things out on her own to make sure her job does not interfere with D's time. 

I have not emailed her back yet, but the two options I can think of are:

1. Tell her sorry I've made plans for that week and cannot change them. (Concern is she will just leave D with someone else).

2. Tell her that I will take D on the week before the 15th (My scheduled week and also the week of the 15th and the week after, but give her extra visit that week to see D).


Since it would mean more time with D, I'm leaning towards option #2 but I do not want STBXW to continue to make her own plans with the thought that I will change everything to suit her.

Thoughts?


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Well....my H would kill to see his daughter who was taken away by his Ex GF. Can't go near her without paying out the wazoo to do it and fighting the courts.

I would say take the opportunity to see your daughter whenever you can. Not a lot of men are that fortunate.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

dscl said:


> My first thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/66893-hurting.html
> 
> Long story short.
> 
> ...


You seem convinced that your STBX has control over the trip. Not knowing her employment situation, I can’t comment on that other than to ask if its possible that she has no choice? She is a single mother, likely worried about job security, who perhaps is reluctant to make waves with her boss.

Anyway, the third option is for her to keep your D next week and you have her the following two. That has you end up back on the weeks you would normally have her, and your daughter (who should be the main concern here) is only away from her Mom two weeks instead of three.

Make it clear to your STBX that you are able to do it this time.

There are those who would advocate #1, saying that it is STBX’s week and she is responsible for childcare. But that puts someone’s needs other than your little girl’s at the center, doesn’t it?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is a 3rd choice:


Take her the week before the 15th

Take her the week of the 15th

Your wife takes her the week after the 15th

You’re the next week

Her the next week 

And so froth.

Basically after the 15th you schedule swaps. Our visitation plan stated that neither parent would go more than 2 weeks in a row without have a period of responsibility with our son. 

Some day you might need your ex to cooperate with you when something like this comes up for you.


----------



## cheburg123 (Dec 10, 2012)

In my situation I will always take my kids. If it is providing a ride or keeping overnight extra.

That being said I expect her to do the same for me. 

So far so good.

I do this because I never ever want kids to feel or hear that dad wouldn't make time or change (minor) plans for them.

I tell myself it is for me and the kids. Not for her.

I hate to suggest "keeping score" but you could keep track of the favors you do for her and do what you can to keep them equal. You could even tell her you are willing to do this but you would like to develop some type of "one for one" plan to switch favors.

Just a thought. I'm struggling through same type of stuff too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

She's clouding the situation, trying to make sure she has her D for the week allotted to avoid the scenario where she would be seen as neglecting her relationship with her D.

Offer to take your D for the week her mom has to work.
Hold firm to your own scheduled week as well.
Tell her you're sorry her work can't be more flexible.
Offer her an extra mid-week visit, if that works out to be convenient for her. If not, remind her how lucky your D is to have a parent who doesn't have to work out of town.
Remind her that while you helped out this time, child care during her weeks of custody is her responsibility, and assuming you mean the week of 4/15 she should be firming up plans a bit more in advance than this. Maybe she should have a nanny on retainer. It sounds like she needs to be more responsible about her parenting.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So an update:

Sent soon to be ex and email telling her that I was not ok with not having our D for two weeks, so I proposed that I take her for my week, the week she had to travel and that she could have extra midweek visits, I sent this email late on a Friday night. Early Saturday morning I get a reply saying to forget it that she has made other arraignments.

I find it odd that from Friday night to Saturday morning, she was able to change business travel plans, so I remind her that if she is still traveling that per the agreement, I have first right of refusal and that I'm not refusing to have our D that week. She replies back, that she know what the agreement states and she hoped that I would help her out since one day I would need the same...

A little background before the next point.

One of the things she wants to take is the home computer, I'm find with that and tell her that she can have it but I will need to delete all my stuff and any software that was installed from my job, this was agreed to about three months ago. So I deleted my account and all work software. Problem is I thought I had a copy of all my data on a laptop but come to find out I did not.  

Today get an email from stbx stating that she needs a copy of our return from last year and her w-2( Won't get into the fact that she waits for the day before the deadline).

So here what comes next....

Me: I can't find a paper copy of the return and all I have is the w-2, I will give it to you tonight.

X: You have a copy of them on the computer, just print it out.

Me: As we agreed to three months ago, I've deleted my account and software from the computer.

X: So you are telling me you delete the tax return, I find that hard to believe, how are you going to file your return without them?

Me: I'm telling you I delete all my documents, I lost a lot of important things not just the returns. I filled for an extension with the IRS to give me time to get my paperwork in order.

X: I really wish that you weren't so determined to make things as difficult and miserable for me as possible.

WOW!!

She leaves me and our D for over a month last year to to have fun with posOM.
She is the one who is still with posOM.
She is the one that had me believe in a fake R for over 2 months.

But I'm the one who is making HER life miserable.

Have not answered yet.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> She's clouding the situation, trying to make sure she has her D for the week allotted to avoid the scenario where she would be seen as neglecting her relationship with her D.
> 
> Offer to take your D for the week her mom has to work.
> Hold firm to your own scheduled week as well.
> ...


This is perfect advice.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

dscl said:


> Have not answered yet.


Follow Homemaker's advice to the letter.

Cool

Firm

Dispassionate


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Follow Homemaker's advice to the letter.
> 
> Cool
> 
> ...


Agreed, Thinking of just replying back with a simple "I'm sorry you feel that way."


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

dscl said:


> Agreed, Thinking of just replying back with a simple "I'm sorry you feel that way."


Sounds like a winner.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So I sent the simple "I'm sorry you feel that way" email about three hours ago and have not heard a peep from her since. Drop off of my D is in an hour, I'm sure I will just get the silent treatment from stbxw.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

dscl said:


> So I sent the simple "I'm sorry you feel that way" email about three hours ago and have not heard a peep from her since. Drop off of my D is in an hour, I'm sure I will just get the silent treatment from stbxw.


Give it right back


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

dscl said:


> So an update:
> 
> Sent soon to be ex and email telling her that I was not ok with not having our D for two weeks, so I proposed that I take her for my week, the week she had to travel and that she could have extra midweek visits, I sent this email late on a Friday night. Early Saturday morning I get a reply saying to forget it that she has made other arraignments.
> 
> ...


She can go to IRS.gov and obtain a tax transcript of any year she filed. Jointly or individually. She doesn't need to go through you to get records.

And, since you do have the right of first refusal, all you need to do is to ask who YOUR child will be staying with while she is away. You ABSOLUTELY have the right to know what arrangements are made for your child while the other parent is away. If she won't do this, she is not only interfering with custody, in a way it is kidnapping. You can ask your attorney to intervene, which is best because it will leave a legitimate documentation trail. Yes it will cost money but it will send a firm signal that you are not going to be tolerating BS. She needs to get over it. It is not all about you making her life miserable and difficult. It is about her not being able to deal with the hard facts of life. You can't always have it 'your way.' (Meaning, her, being self-centered, even a little bit paranoid.)


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So as expected, got nothing but the silent treatment from stbxw and I gave her the same back.

Today I get a email from her stating she needs D SS# today, I ignore the email. An hour later I get a txt saying the same thing. I answer and tell her that I'm at work and do not carry D's SS card with me, I will call my HR dept. and see if they have it. I then login to my benefits page and see that the SS# was there, I wait three hours and then send it to her. Do I get a thank you, nope, just more silence....


Called my lawyer today to get a states of the divorce, he was in a trail so I could not talk to him. Feel it's time I light a fire under him to get this done!


----------



## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

See - you're not with this woman anymore. PosOM and all that stuff should no longer matter or be brought up in this sort of conversation. All that should matter is your daughter.

I've read through the comments here, and I'm not sure I agree with any of them. Unless your ex has a pattern of constantly dumping your daughter on you (in which case you could file for more custody, or not), this shouldn't even be an issue.

I dunno man, I see you making a mountain out of a molehill here. You're a coparent, stop thinking as if you're at war.


----------



## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

DSCL I know this is a difficult time for you and tension can be a little high when having to deal with an Ex that has walked away (been there, done that, got the t-shirt). I have no insight as to whether she was being truthful to you or not, probably not. 

However you are correct in being diligent in keeping the schedule, this makes both sides work around the schedule and not constantly modify. That being said I would suggest that you look at what is fair to you or ex and instead focus, what is the best schedule for your daughter. Her dog is not in this fight between you and ex, she loves you both. Try to make it as seamless for her as possible, even if it is a bit of a pain to you or ex. You are doing well and with the final divorce it will get even better.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Nothing major to report so just updating for those still reading.


So this week went with no major flair ups. Get a txt from stbxw this morning stating that D would be at a party until 5 ( pick up time for trade off is 5:30) and if I would mind getting D from the party at 5 instead of 5:30 from our usual place. Now mind you, I have no problem with this since it would mean I would see D a half hour earleir than usual, but it is HOW she txt it to me:

STBXW: D has been concern about this all week because of the timing, it would not affect my schedule but it will affect her if you can not do it.

Of course I see that she was just trying to get me into a argument, but I did not take the bait. My reply:

I will get D at five from the party.

I get there at five and surprise to run into sxbxw, for some reason I did not think she would be there. Soon as D sees me she gives me a big hug and I start getting her stuff into the car. Not one word was said between me and stbxw.

Now here is the part I need to let go of. The area we where in was very close to posOM house, when me and D where driving away, I saw that stbxw took a turn leading to his house. Now I don't know if she was heading there, but of course that is where my mind went. For the whole ride home it was on my mind and I could not let it go. I even thought of txt her "Here is the address to his house if you need to gps it!!" , of course I ddi not do this! 

I know I need to let this go, but I have to be honest with myself and admit it did bother me.

Oh well, one day at a time....


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Well in the line of when it rains it pours.....


Car dies on me this last weekend and when I took it to the shop was told it would be a $2400 fix. No way I was going to spend that kind of money on a 8yrs card with 140K miles on it!!

Left the car at the shop and went to the dealer, picked a used 2010 Mazda 3 and was sure I would not get the loan since my credit is shot all because of my pending D. Was truthful with the guy, told him I was in a middle of a D and that my credit was shot. He said he was only a year out of his D and would try the best he could to help me out. 

Asked if I had a car to trade, I said I did but it had a fried ECM, ask me everything about the car, miles, year, trim, etc,etc,, Talked to the GM and came back and said they would give me $3000 for it!! (Blue book is $3500). It took everything thing in me not to say "No sh!t!!", but just said I'll take it!!

End of night, got rid of pos car, new car is in the garage and I got a very low note on it.

Best part, STBXW was not involved. I had a problem, took care of it and moved on! 

I guess today was not that bad.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So awhile after all this started decided I would join meetup groups just to get out of the house to do stuff and meet new people.

A couple of weeks ago I get a email from a woman in one of the meetup groups that happen to be from my home state just to say she saw I was from the same state as her and just wanted to say hi.

We start sending email back and forth and we find out that we lived in the building right next to each other growing up! We start also find out that we now live only ten minutes from each other(What are the odds?!?!)

So email leads to texting and then phone calls, one call lasted over four hours. We both agree it would be nice to meet for a drink or dinner sometime, but she was going to Vegas this week so we decide to meet on the 12th. This past Saturday night we talk on the phone for a bit, in this call I tell her whats going on in my life, going thru a D, papers are filed, stbxw and I do not speak unless it's about our daughter, etc...etc.. Made it clear that there is zero chance of us R, but that I'm not looking to start a new relationship at the moment.

She says she understands since she went thru a D years ago and knows how it is.

Sunday morning get a txt from her saying she did not want to wait till the 12th to meetup and if I had time, would I have dinner with her that night. I said sure, have to drop off my D to the stbxw at 5 and should be free after 6, so we setup a meeting at a cuban restaurant for 6:30.

We get to the restaurant and just start enjoying our meals and talking, then the waitress comes to the table and says "Sorry to interrupt, but we are closing in 10mins" I look up and see we are the only ones left and that we have been talking for almost three hours!!

Pay the check walk to my car and we get in, talk for about another hour in the car, kiss good night, walk her to her car and we both drive away.

Now I'm NOT looking to jump into anything right away and I made sure to let her know this, but it was sure nice to spend time with a woman and forget about my "issue" for one night.

Oh on a side note, when I dropped of my D to stbxw, I looked over at her and she was wearing my college t-shirt that I got her from one of the last trips we made home and visited my old campus. I did not mentioned anything about it, gave D a hug and just got back in my car and drove way.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

One other thing, today is stbxw birthday, she has not and will not hear a peep from me.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So I'm beginning to think STBXW is running into money issues. We have a tax bill that has to be paid on the 15th of every month. Last month STBXW did not put in her half into the shared account making the account become overdrawn. I sent her a email to let her know that due to her not putting in the money the account was now overdrawn and that she needed to deposit her have of the tax bill and pay the overdraft fees, she made the deposit the next day.

This month the same thing happen so I sent her the same email I did last month, as of today, she has not made a deposit into the account or sent me a reply to my email.

We have to paid our D daycare every week, what we do is the week either of us have our D that parent pays the daycare. Daycare must be paid by Weds or a $25 late fee gets charged. This is STBXW week so it's her turn to pay. Yesterday I picked D up from daycare since it was my day for our mid week visit, I check the account and see that STBXW has not payed for the week.

When I get D in the car and start driving she says:

"Daddy, mommy had to go to court on her birthday(STBXW birthday was this past Monday)"

I say really? She says yeah, she had to go because of something about her car insurance.

To make D not worry I tell her I'm sure it was something small or a mistake.

What I really think the case is, since I removed STBXW from my policy, I think she either has not gotten insurance or has missed payments.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Unless and until her finances affect your D, they are not your concern.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

DSCL

Did you ever get a response from POSOM's wife from the letter you sent?

Anything happen between the partners at work and POSOM?

And by the way I think you are doing great and I am glad you found a female friend to hang out with.

HM64


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So get an email today from STBXW telling me that she signed up our D for a kids divorce group at church, but the thing is the group meets on Tuesday and she, STBXW has signed up for consoling (She said this in the past, so not sure if it's true, hope it is) on the same day and was wonder if I would mind taking D to her group and she would pick her up at the end.

I replied:

I do not have and issue taking her the weeks she is with you, but you should have told me prior to signing her up for this class. Going forward, anything involving D should be discussed by both parents.

Thank You.

Her reply:

It was nothing intentional. I had heard that the class filled up and closed once it reached capacity. I wanted to go ahead and sign her up to reserve her a spot. She does not know about it yet as I was waiting to tell you about it first. I would have never actually taken her to the class prior to you knowing. If you don't think it's a good idea let me know. I do think it would be good for her though and I appreciate you being able to get her there on the Tuesdays during the weeks that I have her.

No reply form me.

This is the first time she has answered me in this tone, no yelling or blame shifting. I think she finally is beginning to see that she will need to respect me as we go forward as co-parents.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> DSCL
> 
> Did you ever get a response from POSOM's wife from the letter you sent?
> 
> ...


Nope no reply from anyone :scratchhead:

But I did find out that POSOM is moving out of state with the kids. Can't say how I found out that part....


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Unless and until her finances affect your D, they are not your concern.


Agreed, not my concern, more of an observation than anything else.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

dscl said:


> So get an email today from STBXW telling me that she signed up our D for a kids divorce group at church, but the thing is the group meets on Tuesday and she, STBXW has signed up for consoling (She said this in the past, so not sure if it's true, hope it is) on the same day and was wonder if I would mind taking D to her group and she would pick her up at the end.
> 
> I replied:
> 
> ...


Your response is good. And it is nice to see that she is hinting of your D well being.

Though your stbxw needs the counseling more than your kid.

But all in all a good update.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So me and new friend are getting along good. She had to travel for business this week and we have spent a lot of the week txt'ing each other, she even mentioned she got something for me and is excited to come back and see me.

Now here is my problem..... I like her and like the time I'm spending with her, but for some reason I have the nagging thought, I'm I going to fast, do I really like her or do I like the positive attention I'm getting from a woman?

Now before anyone ask, there is ZERO chance of me and stbxw R, so that is not an issue and like I posted before, I told new friend my situation on our first meeting.

We have only been talking for about a month so maybe I'm just over thinking this and I should just let things happen and enjoy our time together.

Strange being back in the dating world after almost 15 years.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

What s too fast?

You can court her or date her for as long as you want.

Just do not jump into making commitments too soon.

That is all.

Glad you found someone you like.

There is nothing wrong with that.


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Just reading your story, i'm happy you found someone to "hang out" with. I think you've been honest and forthcoming with her about your intentions. But at the same time, she's not asking you for a commitment either, just companionship, I think you need some of that in your life to be honest. I understand the conflict within your having, but this is semi-dating, not marriage. If you must to reconfirm your original intentions, so theres no hard feelings at a later date. If she was truly divorced, she'll get it/understand.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So sent stbxw an email reminding her of all the bills she has not paid and this is the reply I got back:

When you make decisions with intent to do damage to me, such as neglecting to tell me the the date that you were going to cancel the car insurance, you need to consider how this financially impacts you. A simple email or text telling me the date that the insurance would no longer be effective was all that you needed to do. When I am forced to pay $1,000 out of pocket for impound fees, tag cancellation fees, court fees and fine fees, it affects things. But congratulations - you wanted to hit me financially - you won. I hope that gives you the victory you were looking for and makes you happy.

My reply:

Sorry you feel that way,let me know when you will make the deposit to pay for the outstanding shared bills.

Amazing, she is still the victim and everything is my fault....


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

You should have added this 

My goal has never been to "damage" you financially. We both know how damaged you already are. 

Your response was appropriate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

When will the divorce be finalized?


----------



## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

It sounds like things are moving forward for you.

Don't forget - you have as much right to happiness as anyone else. If spending time with your new friend makes you happy, well there you go. 

Your response to your STBXW was perfect by the way. Keep that frame going.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

dscl, similar boat here.

If you enjoy spending time with this new woman and are honest with her - keep it up. 

I've been talking to one long distance very frequently for a couple months, and we've met up for a couple semi-dates. Then a weekend vacation together. We both obviously enjoy each others company and want to see where it goes. 

But we have had, and continue to have, conversations about where we both are and agree to continue with no expectations. 

She is very sweet and I do not want her to be a rebound. That would be unfair to her and I've told her so. If it does develop further I won't want a serious commitment (marriage, living together, etc) for a long time. 

I have asked myself the same questions as you - do I really like her or the attention? And I plan to continue asking them and evaluating where I am. 

But so far - I really dig her. For many reasons other than that she likes me. I can list those reasons and have. 

There's a clear difference from the instant gratification I've felt with other dates/encounters. 

Stay aware of your behavior and hers. Watch for red flags. And have fun! It's all about today, today.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

aug said:


> When will the divorce be finalized?


Hopefully within the next month.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> You should have added this
> 
> My goal has never been to "damage" you financially. We both know how damaged you already are.
> 
> ...


I wanted to say so much more, but figured it would be better just to ignore all her bull**** and keep moving forward.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

zillard said:


> dscl, similar boat here.
> 
> If you enjoy spending time with this new woman and are honest with her - keep it up.
> 
> ...


Thanks Z

Helps to know other guys are having the same thoughts as me, lets me know I'm not an oddball!


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So just got this email:

I'll pick up D at daycare on Friday. Since I will have her for three consecutive weekends, let me know if you would like to see her in addition to the regular Wednesday night. I have no issue with that. It may be good for her.

My simple reply:

I would like that.

Thank You.


First email: Thank you for being understand and driving and picking up D at church on my weeks.

Second email: You ruined my life, you win!!

Third: You can have extra visit days.

All this in a span of a day, she really needs help....


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Did the OM dump her ?


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Did the OM dump her ?


Don't know.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

dscl said:


> Second email: You ruined my life, you win!!


An Overview of the Drama Triangle


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

I'm agreeing with Warlock. 

Something is up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So STBXW had ask me last week if I could watch D8 this Sunday and Monday since she has to work.

My one word reply was: Yes.

This morning at 1:45AM I get the following text:

STBXW: We never finalized this weekend. Would you be able to have D8 Friday thru Monday?I know I asked you to watch her Sunday and Monday but I have to also work Saturday.

STBXW: If you can't watch her Saturday, she will need to sleep over at someone else house.

STBXW: So sorry, forgot I don't get her on Friday, I'll pick her up from daycare on Tuesday.

I sent no reply.

So we have had Sundays be our drop off day for the last three months and now she can't even remember that??

On a brighter note.....


Just came back from my lawyer's office and signed the final agreement, judge will get the paper work late next week or early week after. Looks like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

dscl said:


> So sent stbxw an email reminding her of all the bills she has not paid and this is the reply I got back:
> 
> When you make decisions with intent to do damage to me, such as neglecting to tell me the the date that you were going to cancel the car insurance, you need to consider how this financially impacts you. A simple email or text telling me the date that the insurance would no longer be effective was all that you needed to do. When I am forced to pay $1,000 out of pocket for impound fees, tag cancellation fees, court fees and fine fees, it affects things. But congratulations - you wanted to hit me financially - you won. I hope that gives you the victory you were looking for and makes you happy.
> 
> ...


I have to ask. Did you cancel the insurance and not tell her when it would be void? Because if you did, and, it ended up costing her all that money and aggravation, then (I know I am going to get flack for this) I don’t blame her for being mad. Doesn’t mean she isn’t still responsible for her part of the other bills, but if she has just paid out that large sum because of your oversight, then perhaps a different approach is in order.....or at least an apology for your oversight.

I get that there is anger on both sides, but to see everything that happens through those lenses does no-one any good, and it will end up affecting your daughter.

Okay, fellow posters, do your worst. I’m ready.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> I have to ask. Did you cancel the insurance and not tell her when it would be void? Because if you did, and, it ended up costing her all that money and aggravation, then (I know I am going to get flack for this) I don’t blame her for being mad. Doesn’t mean she isn’t still responsible for her part of the other bills, but if she has just paid out that large sum because of your oversight, then perhaps a different approach is in order.....or at least an apology for your oversight.
> 
> I get that there is anger on both sides, but to see everything that happens through those lenses does no-one any good, and it will end up affecting your daughter.
> 
> Okay, fellow posters, do your worst. I’m ready.


Settlement agreement was that I had to keep the insurance on the car she had, leased expired and she went and got another car. At that point getting insurance was up to her and she did not, I did tell her the day before that I was not putting her new car on my plan and that she had to take care of it. She did not.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

dscl said:


> Settlement agreement was that I had to keep the insurance on the car she had, leased expired and she went and got another car. At that point getting insurance was up to her and she did not, I did tell her the day before that I was not putting her new car on my plan and that she had to take care of it. She did not.


Thanks for clarifying. Given those circumstances, your reaction was restrained and perfect.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

*Update:*

So sent STBXW my monthly email letting her she has not paid the shared bills and this is the reply I got back:

I hear you. Yes, I know I owe daycare and the taxes. It's going to have to wait until Friday.

I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. To be able to actually have a conversation with me about D8 to my face because you realize it's in her best interests. And perhaps you can not discuss her as if she is a business item.

I am sorry for what I did. I truly am. And like I said, I do hope that one day you would be able to forgive me. I know your heart and I know what it's capable of. It is much larger than you give it credit for.

WTH?!?!

I sent no reply, but what was going thru my mind was "No whats best for D8 is to have a mother who is not a cheat and has no remorse for destroying the family of 4 kids and 2 BS"

And Friday came and went and she has not paid the bills.

Oh well no need to think of it, divorce is final on 6/27!

Me and D8 are going to visit family on the 4th weekend, 600 mile road trip wish me luck!


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

You should reply to her

"Having an affair, lying, cheating then coming back to me under false pretenses, lying and cheating again assured that you killed any love or respect I ever had for you.

It also showed me that you have no respect or love for me, yourself or our daughter. 

I see no reason to change the way we communicate."

I look forward to your healing.
And your pending divorce......

HM


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

HM

I would love to reply with that but I think she would just take it as another reason to put herself deeper into the victim's role.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

dscl said:


> HM
> 
> I would love to reply with that but I think she would just take it as another reason to put herself deeper into the victim's role.


You are right of course.

Hopefully someday it will sink into her brain.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is delusional. She does not fully grasp what she did. She is imagining a future where you two are happily chatting and discussing your daughter's college future. A "sorry" just does not cut it. 

Look how she is twisting this



> And perhaps you can not discuss her as if she is a business item.


It is your relationship with her that is the business item. She twisted it and make it about your daughter

Is she still with the POSOM ?


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Warlock

You're right on all points.

I have no clue if she is still seeing POSOM.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Happy Father’s Day, dscl.


----------



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Thanks FF

Me and D8 are hitting the pool and then firing up the grill for some dogs and burgers.


----------

