# I’m lost and I don’t know what to do



## theterrible92 (Mar 5, 2018)

Please help… I don’t know what to do. Everything in my life is so ****ed up and there is no saving it. I don’t know what to do. My life is a disaster. I’m a disaster. I don’t know what to do. There is no salvaging it. It’s entirely my fault. I deserve it. I deserve it all. 

I’m not ready to stop calling him my boyfriend. I can’t. I can’t be a single mom like this. I can’t. Not like this. I can’t do this to my son. Even though I already did it. There is nothing that I can do about it. I don’t deserve to be his mom. I can’t be a single mom of two kids from two different dads. I can’t deal with two different men who both hate me. I can’t do that to my kids. My son needs his family. He’s going to hate me forever for destroying his family. Everyone in my life hates me. 

My boyfriend kicked me out of the house and I haven’t been allowed back. It has been 3 weeks. He wanted me gone until I would take a pregnancy test. He made me take a test in front of him. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be called a ***** anymore. I can’t deal with everyone knowing. My boyfriend posted on a pregnancy “congratulations” on Facebook immediately afterwards. He tagged me and the father in it. Everyone knows. My family saw. Co-workers saw. His family saw. Friends saw. People I don’t know saw. The father saw. His family saw. I didn’t get to tell him. It's been 2 weeks, he hasn't taken it down. Everyone knows. Everyone will hate me. I can’t believe I did what I did. I don't know who I am. A *****. Is what. 

I need to take it back and I can’t take it back. I never can. I’m going to be a ***** forever. I’m a terrible mother. A terrible person. No one wants to be around me. I’m alone because no one wants to be around me. Even my family. I was uninvited to my families easter dinner. I don’t get to see my son today. I have been sleeping in my car. I can’t be far away from my son. I can’t. How do i start over with nothing. From scratch. With no one. 

I just cry. And puke. And cry. And don’t eat. Or sleep. How is this supposed to get better. I ruined my life. I ruined everyones lives.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You made some bad choices. Now, your options are to wallow in your self imposed misery or get your **** straight. I suggest you start working on getting your **** straight.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

*Ok, so we know you hate yourself...*



theterrible92 said:


> Please help… I don’t know what to do. Everything in my life is so ****ed up and there is no saving it. I don’t know what to do. My life is a disaster. I’m a disaster. I don’t know what to do. There is no salvaging it. It’s entirely my fault. I deserve it. I deserve it all.
> 
> I’m not ready to stop calling him my boyfriend. I can’t. I can’t be a single mom like this. I can’t. Not like this. I can’t do this to my son. Even though I already did it. There is nothing that I can do about it. I don’t deserve to be his mom. I can’t be a single mom of two kids from two different dads. I can’t deal with two different men who both hate me. I can’t do that to my kids. My son needs his family. He’s going to hate me forever for destroying his family. Everyone in my life hates me.
> 
> ...


Ok, so we know you hate yourself... Do you want to tell us what is actually up with you? 

Let me guess, you have cheated with every man you have ever been with, Right? Now you are pregnant by the last guy you were screwing around with, and not he is done with you.

Dear, what did you expect would happen? 

Can you tell us, how old you are? How long you have been with your BF? How long was the affair? How many times have you cheated on your BF? 

You are upset that everyone knows? You are upset that he left the FB Post up? Again, what did you think would happen? 

Have you been sexually abused in your childhood? 

Tell us about yourself. 

Bottom line is that you did this to yourself. The question is why did you do this to yourself. 

You need to pull yourself together, because you are going to have a baby and it is not the babies fault that you got yourself into this mess. 

You need to look at getting a job, and finding somewhere to live. And please don't bother your BF, he is done. What you have done to him is the worst thing a woman can do to a man. 

You need to suck it up and start over...


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Put it behind you and get a plan together to care for this child. You HAVE to take care of yourself, not only for you but for this child.

You need a job.
You need a place to live.
You need medical care.

Shut your fb page down and don't look back. If you don't have an account, you can't see comments on other fb pages. Let it go. 

There has to be some kind of serious dysfunction in your family to uninvite you to Easter dinner. Easter is about our God who suffered as a human, felt separated from his Father by our sins and rose again! Our God is alive and He is a loving and forgiving God. What's done is done, get on the right path now. Family should be giving you a place to sleep at the very least. I am guessing (like the poster above) that there are some serious childhood issues at play here.

Forgive yourself because what is done is done. You need to eat, you need to sleep and you have to stop the anxiety. There are so many resources out there for pregnant women who are homeless. Do you need us to help find some?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Sleeping in your car won't get you anywhere. See if there is a homeless shelter in your area. Some shelters have good programs for helping people get back on their feet, and you can stay there while building your life back up. Some of them also have counseling available. Coming to terms with your decisions is the start to rebuilding.


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## jewels465 (Nov 20, 2014)

We need more info if you want suggestions on what to do. Sorry you’re going through this.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

theterrible92 said:


> How do i start over with nothing. From scratch. With no one.


Yes, you may have nothing, and you may be starting from "scratch", from your perspectives. However, "with no one" isn't true. Even if you have no other people, you have God. And, I guarantee that God can bring more power into your life than any 10000 people could.

Just bear this in mind.... that God created you "from scratch" 26 years ago (if I interpret your "name" correctly) .... so, while starting "from scratch" may be an insurmountable impediment to you, it is not, and has never been, even a slight inconvenience to God.

And, also consider that in your eyes, just now, you may "see" that you "have nothing"..... but, I am here to tell you that you have God. Right now, at this moment, and in every other of your 13,665,600 moments, you have had God. The only modification you need make to your mindset is to allow God to have you. 

When God has you, you will then have EVERYTHING....and, God will assume the responsibility of your re-creation....



theterrible92 said:


> I don’t deserve to be his mom.


God said you do.....your son is incontrovertible evidence that He did....



theterrible92 said:


> I can’t be a single mom of two kids from two different dads.


A kid with two different dads does not exist within this world which God made. Your son has only one dad. If this dad is unwilling to be his dad, then God Himself will be his dad. You will introduce your son to God. And, BTW, God said you can be a single mom....if that is required of you. God will "put His money where His mouth is".....



theterrible92 said:


> I can’t deal with two different men who both hate me.


The truth is, if God has you, you do not have to "deal with" either of them. God will "deal with" them. They are His, and they are His problem, not yours.


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## theterrible92 (Mar 5, 2018)

My boyfriend doesn’t want to be with me anymore. There is no chance that he will ever want me again. I lost him. I ****ed up and I lost him. I’ve lost everything. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. I can’t breath. I can’t think. I can’t handle it. It’s entirely my fault. I’m a terrible person. 

He doesn’t want me and he is never going to want me again. My son’s family is never going to be the same. I ruined his life. I ruined everyones lives. He doesn’t want me. This babies father wants nothing to do with me. He wants me to abort, same as my boyfriend did. No one wants me. No one ever will again. Not now. 26, two kids, two dads, one conceived through cheating, both conceived from stupidity. I’m always going to be alone. I deserve it. I deserve it all. 

He was my first relationship. He was all I wanted. I spent 7 years with him. I ruined it all. He’s never going to want me again. I slept with his friend. At a wedding. Without protection. I’m a *****. Everyone is right. I slept with his friend. Of all people. His friend. When we were barely having sex. At a wedding. When my boyfriend was there. Instead of being with him I slept with his friend. And everyone knows what I did. Now everyone knows that I’m pregnant. Everyone knows he wants nothing to do with me. I’m no good for anyone. 

The babies father wants nothing to do with me. I was the worst he’s had. He has a girlfriend and doesn’t want any contact with me. He wants me to abort. Deja vu. No one is on my side. I can’t do this. I have no one. No one to talk to. No one. I deserve it. I did this to myself. I can’t do it. 

I lost my family. My home. My friends. Everything. I did it all to myself. I’m training someone new at work tomorrow. I will probably get fired. All my co-workers know. I have no family near. No family now. No friends. I have two pay checks. He drained the rest. I’m completely starting from scratch. I can’t do it. Not like this. The rest of my life will be hell. I will get it from so many directions. 

I feel like I’m suffocating. It's entirely my fault.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Yes, (You did a horrible thing) I posted before on your loveshack post. you have an opportunity to rise from your ashes. You can begin again and start anew. Really carefully decide if abortion is right. keep the baby if you are sure one day you would regret it. (you have enough regrets without piling more on) 

The friend is responsible for half of this situation, and your boyfriend, (the one who did not marry you, and has not respected you in a long time) are also factors in why this has happened to you. 

Sweetie, you need to straighten your spine and try to roll with the punches. If you want a friend I will be happy to be yours. Message me when ever you need.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Get a therapist and stop ealloeingnin self pity. You ****ed up your life, now you have two kids you can either focus on or **** their lives up too. You are an awful partner, but you can always be a good mother.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Girl- get into survival mode. I don't know what you do for work but who cares what anyone thinks? Do you think you are the only one who ever messed up? Go to work, stay focused on training and save your money for first month's rent and security deposit. Stop running this movie over and over in your head, it is in the past. 

You can do this!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Rather than start a new thread, since this is related to your first one, you should ask the mods if they will merge them. It makes it easeir for us to keep track of your latest posts/updates.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Terrible 92, things seem very very dark now but you are still young and if you put one foot in front of the other you can make your way out of this.
You do not agree but you are terribly damaged by your childhood, you feel worthless and were even prepared to live with the father of your son although he already told you he didn't want you - not a good basis for a relationship.
Secondly, because of childhood abuse you are a tendency for self destruction, because you believe you are not worthy of a life of love, friendship and happiness, you sabotaged what you had.
I am not condoning your behavior but I can see where it comes from.
If you want to keep or have access to your son, you have to start working on yourself as a person. Forget about boyfriend (he was not the person for you, you should only be co-parents), forget the POS who has cheated on his GF and disowned the now pregnant you.
1. Get yourself to a counsellor asap and start some form of therapy to work through your problems,
2. YOu will not lose your job if you keep your head down, work hard and ignore the gossip
3. If you are not married I believe you would have custody of your son. See a lawyer to see what your rights are with regard to child support
4. Do you have any friends of siblings you can rely on for emotional support. Speak to one or two of them.
5. Make a decision about the current baby, are you actually pregnant? I do not condone abortion and you have other options such as adoption, etc. Go to the counsellor and they will help you work through the decisions you have to make.
6.5. Start with a plan to get yourself out of this mess, start with your inner being first. You are only 26, you have a long life ahead of you to be in a very happy marriage.

Wallowing in self pity and beating yourself up is not going to work. Pull up your big girl panties and now deal with the chaos you created if not for yourself at least for your son. He needs a mother who is together and not ready to sabotage her life and his as well.
Start with a plan


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

MJJEAN said:


> You made some bad choices. Now, your options are to wallow in your self imposed misery or get your **** straight. I suggest you start working on getting your **** straight.


:rofl:

So straight to the point lol


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

OP,

I can relate somewhat to what you're dealing with. I had multiple affairs, the last of which was very public from a social media standpoint. I won't focus on what you've done, only what you need to do to get yourself in a decent place to be a mother to those kids. For starters...please stop worrying about what random people on social media think. It will blow over soon enough and people will gawk at the next thing. Please be aware that people that judge you the harshest aren't exactly perfect themselves. One of my neighbors that judged me the most for cheating ended up getting arrested for embezzlement. Don't think that everyone looking down on you right now is a better person, focus on yourself.

Secondly, you have to forgive yourself, and do some self discovery to figure out why you made the choices you did. I honestly do think forgiving yourself is the most important part, because if you are wallowing in self pity you can't heal. I know its easier said than done, but you have to do it to move forward.


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## theterrible92 (Mar 5, 2018)

I can’t forgive myself. Not for this. I ruined too much. I don’t deserve forgiveness. What was posted has 234 reactions. 234. Some of the comments are horrendous. Shaming me. Not the babies father nearly as much. I get it all. He said he has a video of it. What we did. I’m always going to be the bad guy. It’s always going to be there. I can’t calm down. No one will talk to me. I don’t want to be pregnant. It’s entirely my fault. I can’t do it. I can’t abort. I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like I have to. I don’t want to go into work today. Not to train someone who will replace me. They had no plans to hire someone new. I’m training my replacement. I’ll be even worse off. I’ll never get to see my son. I’m not replacing him with another baby. I can’t ****ing do this. I’ve outlived my mom. Probably by sheer dumb luck. I’m a horrible mom. A horrible partner. My boyfriend is lucky he didn’t marry me. He’ll find someone better. Far better. Can’t be hard. She’ll be around my son. Probably do better. He’ll like her more. I’ll lose everything. I can’t deal with two different dads and problems. I can’t.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Granted that you made some very bad choices! That's water under the bridge! Please read John 8:1-11!

Always remember this biblical parable of Jesus who saved the woman from being stoned to death for adultery. After the accusers brought her before him seeking support from him to have her stoned, Jesus asked them that whoever was without sin to cast the first stone at her. Gradually, the mob of men slowly left leaving only the woman there with Jesus. Then after they had left, Jesus asked her where her accusers were. "Didn't even one accuse you?" he asked her. "Then neither do I! Go and sin no more!" 

Since you recognized your sin and repented, all of your sins are summarily forgiven by the Heavenly Father!

For the sake of both you and your son, please go to a church of your choice and ask to speak to a senior pastor, and receive their wise and loving counsel! *


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

If you don't want to be a single mom with an additional baby then you can either abort or adopt it, and both are very difficult decisions that will haunt you. Being stressed out over the decision isn't going to make it any easier, but you need to get some professional help so you can decide what you need to do. It sounds like you aren't prepared or able to take care of this child so if you decide to give birth then you should think about finding it a better home situation.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

TT,

You've made a bad choice, and one with many consequences, but it does not make you a bad person. 

You made a good choice to tell your bf the truth, and especially not to try and fool him into believing he is the father.

Prepare to get a child support judgement against the father of your second child, this has nothing to do with how the child was conceived, but is only for the financial support of the child. This is your childs right.

Given what you wrote however it would be far better for you to give up the child for adoption as you will be benefiting a man and a woman who can't have children of their own. You might also negotiate for them to pay the hospital expenses.

Tamat


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Merging with the other thread is a great idea because a lot of people are missing the main point of this and it is your childhood trauma. Some astute posters recognized this faster than I did and I, also, have childhood trauma and wasa diagnosed with PTSD.

Please ignore the harsh posters who did not read the whole thread. Most of them read the headline and tore into you. Forget those responses. 

Do you know I just got out of a relationship where my husband told me multiple times to "go sleep in the backyard". Your boyfriend is abusive, get out and don't look back. If you don't love yourself (yet) enough to prepare a safe environment for you, do it for your son and your unborn child. Imagine how peaceful an apartment will be where you don't hear verbal abuse and there's no threat of spending the night in the backyard. Do not ever let your boyfriend in your new place-meet in a public location to exchange your son for visitation. 

You are loved by a heavenly Father and you deserve to be loved.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> If you don't want to be a single mom with an additional baby then you can either abort or adopt it, and both are very difficult decisions that will haunt you. Being stressed out over the decision isn't going to make it any easier, but you need to get some professional help so you can decide what you need to do. It sounds like you aren't prepared or able to take care of this child so if you decide to give birth then you should think about finding it a better home situation.


Solid advice.

Look, you lied by omission to your previous BF and forced him to become a father when he never wanted that role. Now you've cheated on him with a friend of his, and now this guy doesn't want to be a father either. Time to think about someone other than yourself. IMHO, it is immoral to bring a child into a world where it is unwanted and unable to be cared for properly. I don't blame the new guy from wanting you to get an abortion ... it is probably the best thing for all involved, including the unborn child.

Also, if your former BF has bonded with his son and can provide a better environment, maybe you should give him (or his parents) custody until such time as you can get on your feet and stable.

You've made a lot of bad decisions and gotten yourself in quite the mess ... the best thing to do now to turn around your life, is one step at a time, and that first step should be to stop making more bad decisions and do what's right for a change. Have the abortion, find a stable environment for your son, and THEN straighten out YOUR life.

I understand this won't sit well with some, but it hits painfully close to home for me from nearly 40 years ago and I still have strong feelings regarding the basic "right and wrong" of what OP is doing.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

I know a woman who was similar in her 20's. Two kids from two different dads. Now she's married to a great guy who isn't the father of either. She has a great career as a nurse. A very happy, healthy life. 

You have plenty of time to recover from all this and have a good life. You just have to decide to not dig the hole any deeper and start doing the right things.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

theterrible92 said:


> I don’t want to be pregnant. It’s entirely my fault. I can’t do it. I can’t abort. I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like I have to. I don’t want to go into work today. Not to train someone who will replace me. They had no plans to hire someone new. I’m training my replacement.


Why not just ditch the kids with their fathers, have the baby and adopt it out. Move at least 500 miles away and start a new life. BTW, your boyfriend does not have the authority to just kick you out without proper eviction in accordance with state law, if that was your residence. Check on legal aid in your county and see if you can get an injunction to keep him from evicting you for a "reasonable" time. If he doesn't want to be around you, perhaps he can leave. How do you know its not his kid. Also, why are you training your replacement?
Since you appear to like a variety of men, I suggest you not get into another pretend like exclusive relationship.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I recommend to find a CareNet facility and talk to someone there who can minister to you. You need someone to talk to who cares and won't shame you. CareNet will offer you help that you are unlikely to get anywhere else. Here is a link to their website: https://www.care-net.org/

Every person I have ever known has something to be ashamed about. It sounds like you live a life where people heap shame on you deserved or not and then you sink deep into it, which is probably what caused you to make these unhealthy choices. When people are ashamed, they often make poor choices.

Really no one deserves to be forgiven. But that doesn't mean you can't be forgiven if you repent. Please seek help. Please look into CareNet. There are loving, caring people who volunteer their time to help women like you.


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## jewels465 (Nov 20, 2014)

Everyone has made mistakes in their lives. I know I have. You made a mistake. You can get past this, it just takes time. One foot in front of the other. You have to forgive yourself. That’s where you start. You’re human! We’ve ALL made bad decisions. Please forgive yourself and just set your mind to do better and if you’re friends have all left you they weren’t real friends anyway. 

If you were drinking when you did this. Please stop drinking and never take another sip. 

Start to make some good decisions. Do some soul searching. Talk to God. Go to church. Reach out to someone there for help. 

Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to one on one. 
~Amber


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## jewels465 (Nov 20, 2014)

VladDracul said:


> Why not just ditch the kids with their fathers, have the baby and adopt it out. Move at least 500 miles away and start a new life. BTW, your boyfriend does not have the authority to just kick you out without proper eviction in accordance with state law, if that was your residence. Check on legal aid in your county and see if you can get an injunction to keep him from evicting you for a "reasonable" time. If he doesn't want to be around you, perhaps he can leave. How do you know its not his kid. Also, why are you training your replacement?
> Since you appear to like a variety of men, I suggest you not get into another pretend like exclusive relationship.




Yeah! How does she know it’s not her boyfriends kid? 


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Are you still with us, OP?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

If you stress out too much, you could lose your unborn baby. Live for your son and live for your unborn baby. If you die, you will also kill the baby, and your son will miss you all of his days. 

First, if you're going through hell right now, keep going. Apply for a new job now. Keep that income flowing in. Make the fathers of your babies pay child support, especially the friend. He's half responsible for what happened.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

theterrible92 said:


> Please help… I don’t know what to do. Everything in my life is so ****ed up and there is no saving it. I don’t know what to do. My life is a disaster. I’m a disaster. I don’t know what to do. There is no salvaging it. It’s entirely my fault. I deserve it. I deserve it all.
> 
> I’m not ready to stop calling him my boyfriend. I can’t. I can’t be a single mom like this. I can’t. Not like this. I can’t do this to my son. Even though I already did it. There is nothing that I can do about it. I don’t deserve to be his mom. I can’t be a single mom of two kids from two different dads. I can’t deal with two different men who both hate me. I can’t do that to my kids. My son needs his family. He’s going to hate me forever for destroying his family. Everyone in my life hates me.
> 
> ...


Looks like you have to just start over. The good news is your life is not over, which means you have a chance to change. But hopefully this is rock bottom for you. And when you hit rock bottom you need to change. You should start with the basics like shelter, food. Then access to your one son. 

Give us some info on you. How old is you first child? How long were you together with your boyfriend? Do you have a job? Who is the other man is he married? Who are these men? (Never mind I saw who you are from your first thread.)

I think a least for the present you have to accept that you are a single mom and may be for a while. Besides that it doesn't sound like you are capable right now of having a healthy relationship. That really needs to be your long term goal, not getting your boyfriend back. It's very likely you have burned that bridge. At least if you get healthy you can co-parent in the future. 

The point is you have something broken in you that allowed you to make some really detrimental choices to your life. If you keep doing this you are always going to be alone. I think that really is the end for most cheaters because you don't have real bonded relationships, how could you when you treat the people you love the way you do. Also the ability to lie to everyone in your life for long periods of time and live basically two lives means you can't have a grounded life that is honest and real. Long lasting boded relationships take loyalty and unselfishness. That needs to be unwavering. The best life lived is an honorable one. 

The truth is only you have control of your actions, but the good news is YOU HAVE CONTROL of your actions. No one but you is responsible for the choices you made. So you need to fix this and like an alcoholic it means a lifetime of really dealing and fighting against your nature. No better time then the present. When you get back on your feet get some counseling. You are going to need to change a big part of your thinking, which will revolve around trying to understand what that thinking is, why it's wrong and why you think and make the decisions you do. This is not, "oh crap I broke my life, I learned my lesson I will never do it again." It's, I am feeling lonely and how do I address this in a healthy way. This guy is hitting on me and it's exciting but in the long run it is not worth the damage it would do to people I love. Meaning long term thinking. People can learn to think differently but it takes a motivate person willing to do really hard painful work. Is that you? If it is you you can still have a very happy life with healthy relationships. But you have to stand up and start doing the work. You have dug yourself a deep whole, now is the time to climb out. 

Two books that are always recommended.

Not just friends
I thought it was just me.

These would be a good starting point. 

Remember your life is not over. You can have hope but you must do the work.


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## theterrible92 (Mar 5, 2018)

My babies dad wants to meet with me and talk. Even though my boyfriend wants nothing to do with me it still feels like a betrayal. When does it stop.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

You need to stop being so dramatic for a start. You are only working yourself up.
As others have said, you made some poor choices but you have your whole life ahead of you.
Who cares what anyone else thinks. As you get older you realise it doesn't matter. Stop worring about that.
Get some sleep and get a plan together in the morning.
You need a job and accommodation.
Abort the baby. You aren't in a position to take care of it and choosing to keep the child and go on welfare will guarantee you stay on welfare for ever which is good for nobody.
If it was me Id be moving to a new town and starting fresh.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

theterrible92 said:


> My babies dad wants to meet with me and talk. Even though my boyfriend wants nothing to do with me it still feels like a betrayal. When does it stop.


When will you be meeting up with him? How do you know it is his and not your boyfriends?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

theterrible92 said:


> My babies dad wants to meet with me and talk. Even though my boyfriend wants nothing to do with me it still feels like a betrayal. When does it stop.


You should get out of the habit of calling him your boyfriend.

“Ex” would be better.

And also more accurate.


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## theterrible92 (Mar 5, 2018)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> When will you be meeting up with him? How do you know it is his and not your boyfriends?


He wants to meet on Sunday. My boyfriend and I didn't have sex that month, and always used condoms. I want it to be his, I know it's not though....:frown2:


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

TT92,

Please keep in mind that he can't force you to abort and whoever the biological father is has a financial responsibility to the child. 

That responsibility to the child has nothing to do with your level of independence or wealth or your irresponsibility in not using birth control. You need to be an advocate for your unborn child.

Tamat


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Please take a breath, I know all of this must be extremely terrifying and crushing to be going through, especially now being pregnant. 
Like others have said, now is time for survival mode. I can't imagine what you've been through in life, but given both of the posts I've read of yours, it's clear that your life has been anything but easy. It honestly sounds like you carry a deep weight and self destructive streak that might stem from childhood abuse, and adding all that you've been through recently might be making this situation all the more debilitating. 

Right now is the time to take a step back from everything and see your options. As difficult and painful as it might be, you still have to remember that you have your son's, and now potentially unborn child's, lives depending on you, and until you help yourself you can't be in a position to help them. Please seek a shelter or facility that will help house you during this period. Get the medical help you and the unborn baby needs, and although it's going to feel impossible, you need to step away from social media or else it'll be like injecting yourself with venom which isn't good for you or the baby. 

If you intend to have this baby, which it sounds like you are, you need to start looking into ways to be financially independent and possible child care options. There are a lot of groups out there that will help mothers in your position, so please keep that in mind. 

The way you've been speaking in these posts clearly shows a massive level of toxicity toward yourself and although you did do something that has made a destructive wave in your life, there are ways to come back from it, especially if you make your children the focus of your efforts. Find counseling for yourself now, especially if any of this self-hatred reaches a level of suicidal thoughts or feelings. You may drive yourself into a pre-partum depression which will be absolutely horrendous to go through and will place you and your unborn baby in danger. There are so many options and opportunities out there, and I know the pain and suffering you are dealing with can make it feel like they're all out of reach, but right now it's about you and your children, no one else, and if you want to survive this period (because it will pass), then you need to summon that mama-strength and reach out for help. Someone who has been through enough to bring you mentally and emotionally to this point in your life is clearly an survivor, and clearly has the potential for the kind of strength needed to get through this. You just have to recognize it in yourself, because at the end of the day the only person who can save you is you, and you have what it takes.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

How did the meet up go? How are you today? 

Are you eating well?


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