# How would you cope?



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

How would you cope?

Jus out of curiosity. I wanted to ask this question. Any replies I just hope are real. No need to make yourself into something that you are not and there is no shame in the truth here.

Say you were in a long term relationship and the other person had a disability befall on them. It meant that your family lost a huge income, and although they normally did most of the housework too that they had problems doing everyday tasks sometimes (cooking, cleaning, walking etc) They still did what they could and when they could but you could tell that psychologically they had an issue of dealing with themselves. Additionally, they had to give up most of their hobbies because of this disability.

How would you deal with it? How would you treat them and would you adjust your relationship any? Would it change how you viewed your relationship?

draconis


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## Andrea (Sep 11, 2007)

Ooo, good question! I am gonna have to think about this one and get back to it.


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

Oh wow. I'm going to be completely honest and I know I'm going to sound terrible--but here goes.

I would see a tremendous role reversal. I would feel almost like a parent taking care of a child and that would probably show in the way I spoke and interacted with them. On a personal level I would feel a little overwhelmed and resentful, thinking that I could only rely on myself to take care of us both. On top of that, guilt--because I know he would be feeling emasculated and resentful for me having to take care of him.

There would probably be fights with no resolution because of this. He might contemplate suicide and I would contemplate leaving him. We'd probably need to find new hobbies that were less physical and go to counseling to help us move on from the disability. 

Cliff notes version, of course.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

evenow said:


> Oh wow. I'm going to be completely honest and I know I'm going to sound terrible--but here goes.
> 
> I would see a tremendous role reversal. I would feel almost like a parent taking care of a child and that would probably show in the way I spoke and interacted with them. On a personal level I would feel a little overwhelmed and resentful, thinking that I could only rely on myself to take care of us both. On top of that, guilt--because I know he would be feeling emasculated and resentful for me having to take care of him.
> 
> ...


I thank you for your complete honesty. I will reply in a few days to this myself. But I thank you for telling the truth of how you feel. I know not everyone could or would want to care for someone disabled.

draconis


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

My husband has gone through two life changing experiences over the course of our marriage. 16 years ago he had back surgery and within the past year has had 3 more back surgeries. I have tried to be supportive to the best of my ability which hasn't always been the greatest. Understand that for years he has had issues and not to sound harsh, but it has an affect on many levels of a marriage and once again I had to compete with his mother to even provide care for him......i think I bitter today...sorry all


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Now for the revelation.........

draconis


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## juls (Apr 1, 2008)

evenow said:


> I would see a tremendous role reversal. I would feel almost like a parent taking care of a child and that would probably show in the way I spoke and interacted with them. On a personal level I would feel a little overwhelmed and resentful, thinking that I could only rely on myself to take care of us both. On top of that, guilt--because I know he would be feeling emasculated and resentful for me having to take care of him.



:iagree:

It would def have an impact on me as a person. Then I would feel guilty because I know he needs the care and probably doesn't want it...That would be a tough adjustment for anyone...


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## swimmin (Oct 6, 2009)

my boyfriends cousins husband became a vegetable after a vehicular accident caused my another driver. they had been married for a few years and had a new baby girl when this happened. he didnt really remember much and was basically like a big kid from what i hear...so she left wiped her hands clean of him and remarried someone else, so she could have a life.
in a way i can understand this...yet another part of me cant. 
another part of me thinks do i want to marry a guy someday whose family just will abandon me if i become a veggie?


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