# Hello



## jsb

New member here. Recently found out about WH's multiple affairs. Praying to God everyday to help me through this difficult time.


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## Lostinthought61

I am sorry you find yourself here, might you tell us a little more about this? is the affairs still going on, are you wanting to divorce him? has he expressed self blame and remorse?


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## Blaine

Hi jsb sorry that ur here but welcome.


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## sokillme

jsb said:


> New member here. Recently found out about WH's multiple affairs. Praying to God everyday to help me through this difficult time.


Hey sorry to hear it. Unfortunately you are one of the many in today's day and age. So how long were you married and how old are you both, do you have kids? So what is your plan? And how do you feel? I mean really not how you want to feel so you write it out here. How do you really feel. 

Having been through it I know what a terrible mind **** it is. Let me just tell you probably the most import thing you can hear right now. You will get through it, and I promise you there will be joy again in your life. I know you probably feel like there is no chance, I felt the same way, that is just not true. 

Depending on your choices you can completely heal from this. You will change but you will also be whole again. Have the courage to still have hope even if it's pure faith for now. It's gonna happen it just takes time.


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## sunsetmist

You might want to have this thread moved from introductory to CWI. Ask Mod.


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## aine

jsb said:


> New member here. Recently found out about WH's multiple affairs. Praying to God everyday to help me through this difficult time.


Sorry for what you are probably going through now. What if anything are you planning to do? Tell us more about yourself, family, etc.


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## jsb

Lostinthought61 said:


> I am sorry you find yourself here, might you tell us a little more about this? is the affairs still going on, are you wanting to divorce him? has he expressed self blame and remorse?


The affairs have ended. We've been to a few counseling sessions. Yes he has expressed remorse and apologized to me.


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## jsb

sokillme said:


> Hey sorry to hear it. Unfortunately you are one of the many in today's day and age. So how long were you married and how old are you both, do you have kids? So what is your plan? And how do you feel? I mean really not how you want to feel so you write it out here. How do you really feel.
> 
> Having been through it I know what a terrible mind **** it is. Let me just tell you probably the most import thing you can hear right now. You will get through it, and I promise you there will be joy again in your life. I know you probably feel like there is no chance, I felt the same way, that is just not true.
> 
> Depending on your choices you can completely heal from this. You will change but you will also be whole again. Have the courage to still have hope even if it's pure faith for now. It's gonna happen it just takes time.


Thank you sokillme! We have been married for a few years and don't have children. I don't want to reveal too much about myself yet because I plan on seeing a lawyer soon. I don't want WH to find out. 

How do I really feel? I feel that my life is forever changed and I know this too shall pass!


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## jsb

aine said:


> Sorry for what you are probably going through now. What if anything are you planning to do? Tell us more about yourself, family, etc.


Thank you aine! I plan on seeing a lawyer soon. We've been married for a few years and have no children. I found out that all the time we are married (probably when we were dating too) WH has actively sought after women on dating websites to have affairs.


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## sunsetmist

It is extraordinarily painful to know that the life you thought you were living is a lie--and that he seems to be a serial cheater.

You have found a place of support and empathy...

See a lawyer, be checked for STDs, find support you can trust.


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## sokillme

jsb said:


> Thank you sokillme! We have been married for a few years and don't have children. I don't want to reveal too much about myself yet because I plan on seeing a lawyer soon. I don't want WH to find out.


Good. It sucks but you are in a better position because you don't have kids. Sounds like you are young but even if you are not in my mind staying with someone who cheats on you is always settling. It's hard to live with a person who will always in someway be a trigger. Even if they are the most remorseful it changes the dynamic in the marriage in a way that at least in my mind makes it less healthy going forward. Others disagree and if you post your story there may be some here who encourage you to stay. However that seems to be more the case when the person cheated on is a man, I think because there is kind of this old fashion notion that the women is always a victim who needs saving. Men who cheat are always snakes and predators. I agree with the second part, I just think the women are snakes and predators too. Anyway I digress. 



> How do I really feel? I feel that my life is forever changed and I know this too shall pass!


This is about right, but just don't assume it's for the worst. Almost everyone has this happen to them at one point or another. The earlier in your life it does the better off you are (if you can call it better off). My point being that the less you are connected the easier it is to detach. Kids make it the worst as you are then stuck with them forever in some ways. Looks like you hit it right at about the middle. 

Don't just assume your life will be changed for the worst. It won't if you use it to learn about yourself, what to look for going forward and who to avoid. Also make sure you get to the point where you know YOU ARE IN NO WAY responsible for his cheating. That is on him. You are responsible for the marriage and maybe there were things you could have done better I don't know, but he was responsible to tell you and if nothing else leave if it didn't change. You will have to discern that and if so change that going forward. 

Finally the best take you can get out of this is that you are very strong. How does that work? Well right now you probably feel like I will never trust again. I get it that is usually the first take. When I was there what someone told me to get was, if I could get through this pain and still succeed and be happy I could get through anything. I really believe that is true. I have not had my child die on me but besides that I would think this is the worst pain I will ever feel in my life. So far it has been. I really felt at the time that my chance at love was over. But yet I made it through it and ended up being OK. When I met my current wife now I knew I was totally better. Realizing that I understood that if it ever happened again I was strong enough to get through it and be happy again. After all the first time is worse because you don't know or even believe that there is hope. So if I could get through that I can get through anything. Feeling that way allowed me to be strong enough to trust. Not 100% as that is not trust but faith, and that is a dangerous thing to have with people, but trust.

You will be alright. Have hope!


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## Lostinthought61

honestly if you have only been married a few years and there are no children involved, why stay? he has already demonstrated what kind of person he is. Is this the person you want to grow old with, maybe at one time, but today he is a man wrapped in his own failures and problems not sure you need to stick around to see the outcome...maybe by divorcing him, he will get himself fixed, he may straight himself out, but you have an opportunity to find someone who has a stronger character.


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