# Are There Any Sexless Marriage Success Stories



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Where the marriage was sexless for five years + and now highly active?


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

It's very rare for any couple in a sexless marriage that has gone on for a year or more to resume having sex. I mean no sex at all not just once in awhile.

However some can be fixed depending on what the cause is. If it is caused by a physical problem that can itself be fixed then there can be hope. If the couple are still sexually attracted but have interpersonal problems sometimes therapy can help.

But if the sexless marriage is caused by sexual dysfunction, sexual boredom, husband's porn use, lack of sexual attraction or very serious interpersonal problems getting the sex going again is almost impossible.

However this doesn't mean the marriage falls apart. As a matter of fact most sexless marriages, especially if the couple has young children or are over age 50 will stay intact until the children are grown and gone or, in the case of older couples, until one partner dies.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think we had this same thread topic awhile back.

If I recall correctly it was a very short thread.

Very, very short.


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## themagicalbeing2013 (Mar 19, 2013)

Should we try to keep this going to see if one day someone comes with a success story... I am living that now.. I dont see any success coming our way..


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Sounds like from the discussions on these threads it could be one in a million. As Mr. B. points out it is a long and difficult journey that a couple undertakes to work on a sexless marriage. 

First finding and discovering the issues, then working on them for who knows how long. Then if your lucky and in a few years you may be half way to the compromise. 

For some it makes more sense to start again while others will resign to live without.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

In researching this topic success storied do happen in some cases... unfortunately not many and some over extended time frames. But they do happen.

I plan to be a success... going slower than I'd like but I have not lost hope... that's the key.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

I don't believe that a marriage can survive without that special intimacy and sharing unless it is a very rare and unique set of circumstances, or the couple is very elderly.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don't think you'll find too many success stories in relationships that have been sexless for years.

I think the key to getting out of a sexless marriage is to not get into one to begin with.

Most sexless marriages don't start that way, they get that way slowly over time usually or due to a change in lifestyle (pregnancy/kids).

I think it's best to treat your sex life with fairly firm boundaries and move to stop sexlessness when it first begins.

After years of it the LD partner is almost justified in thinking it doesn't matter because well ...it apparently hasn't mattered for years as far as they're concerned.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I'm a success story. Was in a sexless marriage for about 10 years. Went over 2 years without sex. My H suffers from severe anxiety and depression. We have 2 kids that are now 15 and 12. I work outside the home. We have been married 19 years, together for 25. I am 47, H is 59. 

a year ago November, I was at my wits end. I found a little porn on our computer and flipped. I was pissed and hurt. It had been almost a year since he had touched me. I expressed my hurt and told him what I saw in our future if we kept going on in the same vein. I didn't just wait to see if he would respond. I read books starting with Sheet music. I took the bull by the horns and relentlessly initiated. It was my last ditched effort and decided if I gave it my all and nothing happened to change the dynamic, then I would be ok with myself.

He also worked with his therapist to work on issues that impeded his being intimate with me. I also discussed the possibility of low T. He went to doctor and sure enough I was right. Thanks to TAM for the info on low T! He was also unemployed during this time, but that did not cause our intimacy issues since they had been going on for years.

He has been dating me again and is wonderful.

Over a year later, and things are good. He is much more intimate, but he still has a hard time going crazy in bed. He still is restrained, but he is present in the moment. We have a connection again which is wonderful. The resentment on my part is fading. Our frequency is good. Sometimes we can go a week without sex, and then do it twice a day for days on end. We try to go with the flow.

I hope this helps to show that it can change, for the better. It takes both parties willing to change and see that change is needed. Just like everything else in marriage, if you approach it as a team, you can accomplish anything.

Now, I just need him to tell me his fantasies (He insists he doesn't have any!)


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I consider my marriage a success story, but I'm not sure why.

While my wife and I were talking divorce, we ended up going to a marriage counselor. My wife tells me that in a one-on-one session with the marriage counselor, the MC said something to her that was an epiphany to my wife. I don't know what she said but sex resumed almost immediately.

In the course of about three months, my wife went from "not interested in sex", "too old", "too tired" to sex about twice per week. Not bad for a couple of people in our late 50's.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> I consider my marriage a success story, but I'm not sure why.
> 
> While my wife and I were talking divorce, we ended up going to a marriage counselor. My wife tells me that in a one-on-one session with the marriage counselor, the MC said something to her that was an epiphany to my wife. I don't know what she said but sex resumed almost immediately.
> 
> In the course of about three months, my wife went from "not interested in sex", "too old", "too tired" to sex about twice per week. Not bad for a couple of people in our late 50's.


To help mankind... what did the therapist say to her?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Trying2figureitout said:


> To help mankind... what did the therapist say to her?


Uhhh... he said he didn't know... :scratchhead:



Chris Taylor said:


> My wife tells me that in a one-on-one session with the marriage counselor, the MC said something to her that was an epiphany to my wife. *I don't know what she said* but sex resumed almost immediately


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Uhhh... he said he didn't know... :scratchhead:


He should find out.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

If there are such stories, they probably aren't on this site now as they are busy enjoying their happier healthier sex lives 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tacoma said:


> He should find out.


Shhhhhhh!!!!!

No, seriously, I know. You're right. And, whatever Chris's wife was told could possibly benefit those who truly want to fix the marriage (I mean those who are pushing away, specifically... not the ones who are at a loss as to how to get through to their spouses).


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> I consider my marriage a success story, but I'm not sure why.
> 
> While my wife and I were talking divorce, we ended up going to a marriage counselor. My wife tells me that in a one-on-one session with the marriage counselor, the MC said something to her that was an epiphany to my wife. I don't know what she said but sex resumed almost immediately.
> 
> In the course of about three months, my wife went from "not interested in sex", "too old", "too tired" to sex about twice per week. Not bad for a couple of people in our late 50's.


*For the Love of God Chris, please ASK YOUR WIFE what her counselor said to her!*


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

The_ smokin hot female _counselor said to Chris's wife.

"If you dont want to have sex with your husband, mind if I do?"


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

Been Married for many yrs. And always had the battle over sex.I have always been very HD.My wife was LD. I tried everything I could think of.It has always been a good married.One day about 6 months ago I said to her Dear I don't see you changing your ways ,Me eather.Lets make a deal.No more fights about sex.People have friends with benifits.Lets be married with benifits.So how days I will take care of all her needs .I will do anything she ask for.In return she bends for a friend when asked.In the past if she turned me down for sex I would go on strike and not be a good husband to her.But I was always the kind of guy that did everything she wanted and still no sex.There was no stone unturned for her.Its really not a reward system.Its just doing whats right in a good relationship.I help you ,You help me.Ya its not for eeveryone but it works for me.Better than what it used to be.


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## redwing_10 (Mar 29, 2012)

I know of one couple, thru a friend of mine. They have been, according to my friend, very happy. The story is that when they got married 30 years ago, they went on the honeymoon, and his new wife said something to the effect of "Do what you want with me here and now, but when we get home, it is over, except when we decide to have children" He was absolutly crushed, but the couple is very... very religious. He felt that God brought them togather, and he should honor that, and him being dealt a card of "no sex for life" was the cross God gave him to bear. He went along with it, and according to my friend, who talks to the husband regularly, he now says they are as close as any two people could be.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Trying2figureitout said:


> To help mankind... what did the therapist say to her?


If I knew I'd trademark it, copyright it, bottle it and sell it on-line. My wife refuses to tell me other than "Dr. X said something to me and I finally got it."

Whatever it was, it was the difference between night and day.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

strugglinghusband said:


> The_ smokin hot female _counselor said to Chris's wife.
> 
> "If you dont want to have sex with your husband, mind if I do?"


The "smokin hot female counselor" was in her 70's. Now, I like MILF's, but not necessarily GMILF's 

Seriously, I have asked and my wife refuses to tell me. And to be honest, as much as I'd like to be able to share this secret I'm not going to rock my own boat.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I posted this in a thread last July. I am happy to report that now our sex life, is still satisfying. This was not a magic pill, there were plenty of other influences that went into solving an issue that had been a problem for many years. Our marriage was technically sexless for about 3 years and completely sexless for two years on top of that. I hope it helps.



Amplexor said:


> Any one that knows my story will recall that my wife and I were in a very bad place a few years back, hit bottom, damn near divorced but journeyed to a very long but successful recovery. We are very strong as a couple today, committed and loving.
> 
> However our sexual drives are still a mismatch. We deal with the problem better than we used to but had made little progress. I understand my wife is in menopause which has lowered her previously high-drive. With menopause has come an increase in weight lowering her self esteem. And her job is very stressful leaving her exhausted at the end of the day. I am very empathetic to her feelings on all three but there are two people in the marriage.
> 
> A few months ago we had "that talk" again and again it took a familiar path. Stress, weight, drive... With empathy and respect I told her I understood all those reasons but that quite frankly she has done nothing to try and address them and that I didn't see this ever improving much over where it was today. I told we were going to try a different path this time. "For the next 60 days, I want you to submit yourself to me when I want sexual intimacy." My wife is extremely strong willed and independent of soul. Her icie blues flashed for a moment then she took her stare off of me, thought about it and responded, "That's not an unreasonable request." Initially she found it a bit awkward ("knowing she had to") but we settled into a very good pattern. My wife does enjoy sex when we get started so she was not being "dutiful" during it. Keep in mind, I am in my mid 50s so I'm not swinging wood five times a day any more. 2 or 3 times a week is more than sufficient for me. It put us in a good rhythm that has continued on passed the initial period. She has also begun to work out regularly and watching her diet more closely. When we went though our R one of the things we did was rebuild the foundation of the relationship and two areas we became much more successful at then we had been previously were communication and empathy. Both had a strong part in helping us improve this area of the marriage.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Trying2figureitout said:


> To help mankind... what did the therapist say to her?


"To avoid a divorce have more sex with your husband" 

"Go home and get down with your bad self you naughty monkey"

"I charge $100 and hour, a prostitute is cheaper, your call"

Last but no least.

"Go onto TAM and read all of Trying2figureitout's posts. Decide if you really want to deal with that kind of shenanigans. Could be mentally exhausting for you. I don't advise it. Go have sex it's healthier"


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

CanadianGuy said:


> "To avoid a divorce have more sex with your husband"


That may be the case.

My wife had asked for a divorce, I agreed, she reconsidered. I had been asking her to go to marriage counseling for years and when she reconsidered, I had some requirements, among those were:

- progress by a certain date or we continue with divorce

- our lack of sex life had to be discussed

Maybe those were the magic words that the therapist used.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> That may be the case.
> 
> My wife had asked for a divorce, I agreed, she reconsidered. I had been asking her to go to marriage counseling for years and when she reconsidered, I had some requirements, among those were:
> 
> ...


I am doing exactly that at the moment Chris. Thanks for the insight.


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