# Its Over....one foot in front of the next....



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

So therapy today concluded that he wants this, its done and he wants closure from this marriage. I was livid and pissed and I told him I want him out of the house ASAP..... I wanted him to not talk to me anymore... not say hi, not be civil, not email me, not ask how its going....If it has nothing to do with getting the divorce papers....then I dont want to hear from him.

Its fully and totally over.... I am heading into divorce, I need to come to that realization and start thinking in a different mind frame. Calling a mediator next week and the H said he can be out of the house in a couple weeks once he find a place. That gives me a couple of weeks to figure out financially what we need to do, what I need him to do...house mortgage especially.

Im so effin angry I couldnt look at him in therapy because i wanted to punch him! he threw this marriage away because of a feeling....im done too, i'm done fighting and trying because i'm not gonna get anywhere. I need to move forward in new directions now.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I'm very sorry it ended for you this way, but I'm also relieved for you that you have found closure....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

It will take time for closure, I just need to be in the mind frame, that this is how it is going to go no matter what and figure out a new game plan. Its hard to cope and visual a whole different life style than what you had, or what you were planning on, I think that is the hardest thing, starting over is hard, but like everyone says, its a new beginning (I dont see it yet) but I have hope....i really do.


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## Chasing Rainbows (Oct 9, 2010)

I thought I would see how things were going for you as when I read your first posts on here I felt that what you were going through sounded so similar to what I was experiencing. 

I am sorry to hear that the counselling session did not work out as you would have liked it to. However at least now you know where you stand and that you can slowly start to come to terms with it all and move forward at a pace you are comfortable with. 

Although for me the last few months have not been easy, good days and bad days, I have found it so much easier not having him living with me and in fact not seeing him at all. I went from reading everything I could about how to get your husband back, searching for stories of reconciliation hoping that they would offer me a glimmer of hope. I then thought why am I wasting my time on this, he does not want to be with me anymore. So I have now been concentrating on me and deciding what I want to do with my life. You mention new beginnings, lots of people have said that to me too. I am now starting to realise that I have a second chance to do what I want to do with my life and I want to embrace it. I still hate the situation that I find myself in but I realise there is nothing I can do other than move forward with my life. I still have a long road yet to travel with all of this, finances are starting to be sorted out and the house will need to be sold. Although when I look forward to the future it scares me, I think back to when this all started and how where I am now seemed a scary place and it is not. 

I hope that the mediation process goes smoothly for you. You will be more than fine, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are dealing with situation . I wish you luck


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Thanks Chasing Rainbows...yes at first all I wanted to do was fight for this marriage, but i could see he had checked out a long time ago so there is no point in me fighting, it will only weaken me and make me sad...so today is a new day of moving forward.

I wish you luck as well, chin up, things will all look up for us down the road, we just don't see it right now.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

wow, I really admire your positive attitude shelly, I read your posts and you seem to be dealing with things really well. Well done for being so strong, I know it will all work out good for you in the end, he sounds like he doesn't know what a strong and positive wife he has!


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## Chasing Rainbows (Oct 9, 2010)

Good for you, I like your positive attitude, I find it is the only way I can get through all of this by staying positive. However I do allow myself to have a good cry if I feel like it or get angry if that is how I feel. You are right things will look up for us all further down the road, it just takes time.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Don't get me wrong, I cry ALL the time and I get pissed off every now and then....I still have alot of emotion built in because I have so much on my mind, i have work, friends, family.... I cant always be breaking down in front of them...so at night I get to reflect and go through everything.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> Don't get me wrong, I cry ALL the time and I get pissed off every now and then....I still have alot of emotion built in because I have so much on my mind, i have work, friends, family.... I cant always be breaking down in front of them...so at night I get to reflect and go through everything.


Shelly,

If the experience of my friends (male and female) and myself is an example, crying is necessary, essential to getting through divorce.

There is life after marriage even when the immediate aftermath is exceedingly painful.

Mark


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

that's really good you're going to work, I have had to take time off work, it's a job where I have to listen to other people's problems 1 on 1 all day so not much room for me feeling like having a breakdown every 5 seconds myself!!!! I'm going to try to get back into things next week though, from what you say, it sounds like being at work could be a good distraction and keep the focus of all the negative stuff for a time at least?


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

MariGOld, if i wasn't working i would probably be home crying under the covers and having my mind go a million miles an hour...... I am a very independent and strong person so I hate feeling ****ty and like i am lost in this big world...i dont like people seeing me cry so its hard to be vulnerable in front of so many people. But I am learning that I too can be weak, but that I need to get back to my routine of life, start new routines, stay busy and perhaps try new things in life? right?


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Mark, thanks....i see it too and i am looking forward to that day when I can wake up with out a burden on me, without the anxiety, worry, stress and sadness. Its a madness of a rollercoaster. But i need and want to move forward....I LOVED being married and hopefully look forward to the day in the future when I can again, but now I just want to move in a positive direction.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Shelly - I am so sorry that your marriage has ended, but I totally agree if he has checked out it is not worth wasting your time or energy trying to get him back. You will find someone who makes you happy and then you will wonder why you wanted to stay married to this guy in the first place.


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