# Been 4 months..



## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

And I find myself to be very angry still. I gave counseling a try but discontinued further appointments due to the counselor being too beta.

I get paranoid and before I know it, I'm on Amazon looking for GPS trackers. Other things have come to light that she's got a pattern of looking for a plan b backup guy when things go south. I have expressed how the one person that I thought I could trust without a hitch, ended up being a pathological liar with whom I have a sweet little girl with. I asked her if she can accept the fact that I'll never look at her the same nor will I ever be able to trust her again. I never really got an answer. 

She doesn't seem to understand the consequences of her selfish decisions that I now get the pleasure of dealing with. If I lawyer up, I end up being a weekend warrior dad again which I hate, all because she made a stupid impulsive decision. 

It seems to me that there isn't much for consequences for her and I get to deal with it all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

you will vacillate between anger, sadness depression and resolve.

these emotions will come and go by the hour and by the day.

personally, when i was going through this i found anger to be the most comforting space.

the depression hurt almost physically and was at times too much to bear.

with anger, however, you must be careful not to let it get away from you and do things you will regret.
also, anger will enable you to start letting her go and negate that 'maybe things can work out' feeling.

focus on what she did to you and your family, but keep it at the rumination level until you really have time to sift through, get proper advice and act accordingly.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm starting to accept it's okay for it to not work out and the BPD traits are quite strong. The one thing I did get support with is that it's not my job to fix her or be her therapist. 

I'm making good friends with my anger, it keeps my guard up, detached, and see things for how they really are. 

I'm expected to forget everything and it's simply something I cannot do.

There are times when I feel like I failed miserably but then again, I'm not the one who broke vows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Anger is a bad master. 

Don't let it govern your life. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Anger is a bad master.
> 
> Don't let it govern your life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't mean to sound like a wise a$$ but then what? It seems to be the only thing that's effective with staying the course and not falling for the love bombing/hoovering.

I don't know how to make it any more clear to her that I'm here for my little girl, nothing more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> I don't mean to sound like a wise a$$ but then what? It seems to be the only thing that's effective with staying the course and not falling for the love bombing/hoovering.
> 
> I don't know how to make it any more clear to her that I'm here for my little girl, nothing more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you're consistent with your actions, it will become clear to her. You only need to tell her once.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> I have expressed how the one person that I thought I could trust without a hitch, ended up being a pathological liar with whom I have a sweet little girl with. I asked her if she can accept the fact that I'll never look at her the same nor will I ever be able to trust her again. I never really got an answer.


What can she say here? Seriously? Yes, I can accept that fact? No? No answer seems to be the only right answer. I don't really know your story or history, but while it's apparent she cheated, she is still a human too. If you are planning on trying to stay with her, which I am presuming you are, you'll have to try to work positively through things rather than trying to beat her down. Personally, I'd say move on, but I don't know the backstory.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> I don't mean to sound like a wise a$$ but then what? It seems to be the only thing that's effective with staying the course and not falling for the love bombing/hoovering.
> 
> I don't know how to make it any more clear to her that I'm here for my little girl, nothing more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can use your anger. But don't let it control you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> And I find myself to be very angry still. I gave counseling a try but discontinued further appointments due to the counselor being too beta.
> 
> I get paranoid and before I know it, I'm on Amazon looking for GPS trackers. Other things have come to light that she's got a pattern of looking for a plan b backup guy when things go south. I have expressed how the one person that I thought I could trust without a hitch, ended up being a pathological liar with whom I have a sweet little girl with. I asked her if she can accept the fact that I'll never look at her the same nor will I ever be able to trust her again. I never really got an answer.
> 
> ...




That she receives no consequences is your choice not hers.

You want to stay for your daughter fine - the above is what you will live with.

You want her to suffer the consequences then divorce her.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

If the anger controls you... then you may end up in jail for assault or worse.

There were times when I almost crossed that line, I could see it. I knew it was there, but I also knew it wasn't worth it and my son is far more important.

Thats when you talk to friends and family to help cope. Maybe medication as well. There are also grief support groups that may help.

*when I see almost... by reality standards, not close. More fantasy and directed anger more than anything else. But its not a good place to be.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

has she written you a timeline of the A?

Has she gone NC with the OM?

Has she outed the OM to show she is putting you first over the OM?

has she been tested for stds?

has she been exposed to her family?

has she read not just friends?

Has she read how to help you heal from her A?

Did you do a DNA test on your child?

What has she done to help you? Actions, not words.

has she contacted affair recovery and paid for both of you to attend?

after all you have been thru, why have you not filed for D and custody of your daughter?


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