# do financial problems lead to no sex



## currodeb (Feb 8, 2010)

my husband and I have been married for 27 years and were together about 4 years before that. He is an athlete, still plays, and has a huge ego and enormous amount of pride. We have had a very bad 5 years. He has been unemployed twice, made some bad financial decisions which I advised against. We had to sell our huge home and have been a rental for two years.
We are friends, have three kids, two grown and he has stopped touching me in any way. There is no physical affection. I dont know if this is a result of a bruised ego, or he is no longer attracted. I am still an attractive woman and am feeling very alone.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Extreme financial problems can crush a guys desire especially as he gets older and his testosterone levels slowly fall. 

If he thinks that you feel he has made a series of stupid calls, or if he thinks you are angry at him for lowering your lifestyle that could be a factor. 

If you like to shop/spend money and you don't work and have not made the effort to earn income and help out, he may resent you. 





currodeb said:


> my husband and I have been married for 27 years and were together about 4 years before that. He is an athlete, still plays, and has a huge ego and enormous amount of pride. We have had a very bad 5 years. He has been unemployed twice, made some bad financial decisions which I advised against. We had to sell our huge home and have been a rental for two years.
> We are friends, have three kids, two grown and he has stopped touching me in any way. There is no physical affection. I dont know if this is a result of a bruised ego, or he is no longer attracted. I am still an attractive woman and am feeling very alone.


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## currodeb (Feb 8, 2010)

I went back to work several years ago, I dont shop or spend on myself. He continues to take vacations, lacrosse weekends, golf weekends even with our limited budget. He has been in denial and I have had to make some hard decisions for our family. I get that he may not like that I have had to step up and make some hard decisions but I am still affectionate and loving. am I just being stupid?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You sound terrific - you saw a problem and stepped up on the revenue and the expense side. A husband cannot ask for more then that. 

His lack of affection for you is just plain wrong. Physical touch, up to and including sex is so core to staying connected to your spouse. Has he ever talked about why he is doing this? Is he drinking enough/too much and it is impacting his desire level?





currodeb said:


> I went back to work several years ago, I dont shop or spend on myself. He continues to take vacations, lacrosse weekends, golf weekends even with our limited budget. He has been in denial and I have had to make some hard decisions for our family. I get that he may not like that I have had to step up and make some hard decisions but I am still affectionate and loving. am I just being stupid?


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## currodeb (Feb 8, 2010)

mem, i am allowed to respond to your post. I just joined today.


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## iWonder (Jan 2, 2010)

Could be initiating from a physical issue. You say togther 27 years and together 4....so I am guessing him at early 50's. Several things like high blood pressure, or more importantly a medication for that, can impact his sex drive and ability.
This happens to some men at that age. Why do you thing Cialis and Viagra are so popular?
Is there any chance he is have erectile issues so the best way to avoid the embarassment of having to deal with it, and you find out about it, is to avoid contact?
Big, athletic guy isn't going to want to admit this to anyone, including himself.


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## Big Bear (Feb 11, 2010)

Never underestimate the correlation between men and income. When I lost my job it was a brutal feeling. That expectation of being a provider was not being met and it effected me greatly. Self respect suffered, libedo suffered, none of which was communicated to my wife. As far as erectile issues, I think the best approach is direct. It's not like niether of you know what's happening. Not talking about it only makes it more uncomfortable forthe man.


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## Cricket5 (Feb 11, 2010)

I would like to tell you you are not alone. You have been dealt some major life changing issues and I am sure this is not what you anticipated. Nothing ever is and that is what make life exciting. I would talk to him and remind him how much you love him. Women can loose sex drive and not have interest in sex but we can still fake it. Men can't. Continue to support him and let him know that he is still your man and know that things will change for the better if you are both working together. I would guess he is feeling insecure and what you can do is try to rassure him both emotionally and physically. If he knows that you are there for him, maybe he will come around. We view our men as providers and the rock of the family, but they I have learned they have very delicate feelings and egos...They just don't always show it.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Many men define themselves by their jobs. Being a good provider is one of the roles of a man.

You might get somewhere if you talk about all the _other_ things he does which are manly. Get him to look at the car, or let him find you admiring the shelves he put up in the family room, or something. Then say "I don't know I'd have done all these years without you." Let him know you still see him as your big strong man. See if that helps.


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