# i messed up



## chrisrm (Oct 30, 2010)

Hi everyone,

This is my first post as i am looking for some advice 

sorry if this is long winded or posted in the wrong place...

I got married in april this year and it was ace everything was great.
We also have a 2 year old daughter.

I am in the Royal Marines and went on exercise in Americea from june to augest, i phoned my wife from a hotel in Florida when i got some time off. I went out that night with the lads and brought a girl back with me My wife then rang the hotel room at 5am (10am uk time) only for the girl who was with me to say "who is that" when i answered the phone. 
To cut a long story short i tried liying to my wife and told her it wasnt what it seemed, but shes not stupid and i told her the truth.
Scince my return things have been strained to say the least, she keeps saying she wants me to leave and she deserves better...but i have put up with it because i know its my doing.

she keeps going out with her friends and comming back at 5 in the morning (not loads but enough) Untill 2 days ago when she went out and when i woke for work at 7am she still wasnt home... I went to work and came back around 2pm. she was sitting out side. When I asked her where she had been, she told me she had spent the night in a hotel with some guy! bold as brass! I was obviously hurt, upset, angry etc etc.

The thing is as pissed off as i am about it I am willing to forgive her in a heartbeat not just because i have messed up but i love her.

I would do ANYTHING to save our relationship.

any input, sugestions or advice would be greatfuly recived

thanks in advance

chris


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Well I think that you have screwed up and you must tell your wife this and you must tell her you regret what you did and that you understand how she feels and that you understand how she is acting now. But that you are not willing to go on like this any longer, if she can't get over what you did and wants to be free to pursue the life that she is not leading that you will have to let her go........Tell her that you love her and you made a mistake and that you would be willing to work on a better marriage for the two of you.......Make her decide what life she wants.......if she can't move on because what she is now doing if abuse.......
Tell her some therapy, spending time together again and just making sure you fill each other's needs is what you are willing to do......
Good Luck........


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

You are going to ask her if she wants to save the marriage or not. Tell her that you do, but you two can't continue hurting each other. 

BTW, having to hear some woman in your bed when she called to talk to you is a horrible experience to put her through ( just as her tryst was horrible to you) so you have to acknowledge your shortcomings and both of you are going to have to rebuild trust. That can be hard to do, but if you both really want to save the marriage, it can be done. If you deflect questions about your affair by talking about hers ( and vice versa) you won't get anywhere. Take responsibility for your actions and ask her to do the same.


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