# what next



## diesel73 (Oct 27, 2010)

What are the practical steps to take to rebuild desire after an affair? I am about 6 months after finding out about my partners brief PA with one of our friends (also married). We are still together and get on well, there have been a few issues regarding contact but I genuinely believe her now that there has been NC for the last few months. We talk about it and she says that she still feels in love with her other man but loves me too - yes I know I have read the forums!. She has said that all her sexual confidence has gone and she feels consumed with guilt. We have had sex - about twice a week since. I am prepared to give her time. I suspect (know) the main reason she no longer wants me in that way is because she desires what she had with the OM (exciting, dangerous, love) and the NC means she is still in mourning. I am considering moving out at the start of next year to give her time to figure out what she wants. I have had various replies to earlier threads saying she is still in contact etc etc and that I need to step it up in the romance dept - I am not in denial that this is possible but I also believe it is unlikely. I have been romantic and more attentive to little effect. I understand that these things take time to come back and dont want to burn my bridges. Is this a fairly normal come down from an affair and at what point in time do people suggest that enough is enough. We still get on well and I love her - we have kids too so my motivation would be to jolt her into her senses. I also feel like part of me needs to carve out a bit of my life away from the knowledge that I live with someone who no longer desires me in that way and the effect it has on my self esteem.. btw OM is as far as I know still with wife and kids.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

diesel73 said:


> I am considering moving out at the start of next year to give her time to figure out what she wants.


I think that moving out is a very bad idea, in terms of your marriage and for legal reasons should the marriage dissolve. DON'T MOVE OUT. Rather tell her she needs to leave if she can't commit emotionally to the marriage.


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

jamesa said:


> I think that moving out is a very bad idea, in terms of your marriage and for legal reasons should the marriage dissolve. DON'T MOVE OUT. Rather tell her she needs to leave if she can't commit emotionally to the marriage.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


Do you check cell phone and computer records still. (the phone records online, have her show them to you) You need to keep doing this for a little bit. Does the other mans wife know about this yet ? I think she should, it will make it so your wife knows it's over now. Just make sure that you do not move out. It will cost you everything, trust me on this. You need legal help on that one.


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