# He just left



## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

My heart broke all over again. just now.. he just left. 

This is a "trial trial separation" - he's on a fake business trip as we haven't broken the news to our son yet. I hope he can sort his head out in the next couple weeks, before we need to make it official with the kiddo. 

It's hard to remain hopeful that things will work out for us together and also be strong and try to prepare for moving on. How do I hold both thoughts at the same time?

thanks,
L


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Leahdorus-

If he is such a rat, why do you love him so? Look on the bright side. You did all you could to help, now he is putting the ball in your court. In time, you could meet an easy going guy that loves you so much, you will never want to stray.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

MT, he's not such a rat. He's an introverted guy who avoids conflict at all costs because that's how he was raised and he doesn't know any other way. He does love me, he says so, and he did show it in his own way, but I felt he was putting his business first and me and our family second/third. 

He's incredibly easy going. He trusted me, and I broke that trust. I was selfish. Sometimes I wished he would not be so carefree about things. Not that I want him to be or act jealous, but it kind of felt like we were living separate lives. I could do whatever I wanted, and if he didn't want me to do something, or go somewhere, I never knew it because he'd never speak up and say so, even when I told him to. He'd just stuff the feelings he had back inside. The affair aside, I don't feel the issues we had prior are insurmountable. They can be worked on and repaired, if both sides want to. Right now, only one side wants to deal with it. :-(


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Well he was expecting you to be a mind reader. So it's not all your fault. You need to shore up your self esteem, because you are taking this all on yourself. Relax a bit, you are going to be ok. Decide from this moment on that life is going to get better.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

when my hubby and i split up , ok my children are 11 and 8, we actually told our children why we split, so they understood why mum felt down or sad.
i actually had better children in terms of less hassle from them. thay just seemed more supportive.
but in previous yrs, we never told them our reasons for our space and we had more issues from them, they seemed to be out of control. naughtier.
but this time i had wonderful children.
hugged me more, we talked more.
although he has gone. it seems like its you that also has to make the decision.
after all he has made his.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You shouldn't worry about three worlds (yours, the relationship, and the what if) You need to work on you. A stronger you means a better relationship or better able to handle the what if's. Do things to make ou happy, the gym, getting out more etc.

draconis


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

In the space of 2 minutes, I can go from being completely upset and devastated and wondering how I will ever get on, and then the next thought is me thinking of all the times that things weren't great (before affair) and that I can do this just fine on my own.

The materialistic side of me is upset at possibly giving up my beautiful home and all my stuff. How petty is that?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Leahdorus said:


> The materialistic side of me is upset at possibly giving up my beautiful home and all my stuff. How petty is that?


It is rather quite normal and the fact you have "guilt" over it shows the very depth of your nature.

draconis


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi!

I fully understand your current emotional state. After 22 years of marriage, my husband moved out in April. I still have good days and bad days. The main thing to do is work on "you". I have found a wonderful counselor and we have made much progress. She says my goal should be to find inner peace at this point. I also recommend a book by Gary Chapman titled 
"Hope for the Separated". It has given me much comfort. The book has many Biblical references for this situation and does offer hope and encouragement. At least for me, reconnecting with God is helping to fill some of the emptiness in my heart. Good luck as you search for your inner peace.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Draconis... so you're saying I'm being shallow?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

its not petty. between you , you have both built up a home together. its very difficult to let go.
i wouldnt want to easy let go of my home, that i have lived in, brought my children up in, despite good and bad times within the relationship.
and put plenty of effort in , to make it a home.


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