# WW Affair with Boss



## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

I have been lurking here for a while but have a dilemma now and need more input than just reading others threads.

About two months ago I discovered that my wife was having a PA with her boss. When I exposed it to her she told me she wanted a divorce. I love my wife but did not try to fight it at the time. I moved out and we have been living separately. I do want to reconcile but she is still seeing him and will not even consider it at this point. 

I am at a crossroads. I really want to contact her boss and give him a piece of my mind but I also do not want her to get fired so I am hesitant. I planned on sending the following email to only him but I just am not sure. Just wanted to see what the consensus was among the members of this forum. Here is the email:


_You don't know me but I am XXXXX's soon to be ex husband. Actually, we did meet once but I am not sure if that was before or after you slept with my wife. Does your employer know that they not only have a person who would covet another mans wife but also an executive that fraternizes with his direct report? You are a real class act - a great human being and a true professional . How do you live with yourself?_


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## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

What do you think that you would gain by doing this?

It's unlikely that he would take you seriously. Unless you seriously make an attempt to threaten his career-stability.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> I am at a crossroads. I really want to contact her boss and give him a piece of my mind but I also do not want her to get fired so *I am hesitant*.


Dude... are you serious? 

If you want your marriage back, you're gonna have to expose- PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

I don't know why BS's keep protecting these WS. It defies logic.


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## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

I could attach one of the photos from the private investigator, copy the HR dept in....would he take that seriously?


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## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> I could attach one of the photos from the private investigator, copy the HR dept in....would he take that seriously?


Yes. But what do you gain by doing this?

Is it about revenge?


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## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

I know about the exposure. But then it begs the question do I go all the way with this. If he gets fired can I be sued for slander. I have some proof but I am not sure how concrete.


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## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

No. Its not about revenge. Its about stopping her affair so she gets her head out of the clouds quickly rather than waiting till this peters out on its own.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is in a fog, make this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible. Expose this for what it is and let them both face the consequences of adultory.
Sure this will push her furthere away, but face it she's already gone and living a plissful life in her fantasy world.

Give her taste of reality 

AND MOVE BACK HOME! This is the maritial home and she is the one that has stepped out so it should be her that leaves. Again making this affair as inconvienent as possible.

You can only hope that giving her this taste of reality, will bring her that much closer out of the fog.

Please expose this...is the POS boss married?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars and go directly to the HR department of the company and file a complaint. Get a lawyer let them know who your lawyer is and that you seek satisfation for this Douche Rocket destroying your marriage and him having an affair with a direct subordinate. If you have evidence of the affair, they may ask you what you have. 

Talk to the lawyer and see if the state you live in is a no fault state or an at fault state. Move back into your home. PERIOD! Don't ask her, just do it. Sometimes the court can view you moving out as abandonment and it will only favor her in the divorce. If she has a problem with it, SHE can leave. THEN, see if there is a alienation of affection law in your state and go after the OM.

If you send the douche rocket the letter, all you are doing is buying him time. He'll see you're getting a little bold and not the cuckold he thought you were. He have the time to come up with a viable story that would be believable to his direct supervisors should the issue come up.

Right now, your wife is gone. Therefore, you have to look out for yourself!!! And if you have kids, you have to look out for them! Oh, by the way, if you do have kids, get a RO out on the OM so that he is not allowed to be around your kids until everything is resolved.

You're really behind on this, so you have to get moving. Strong chance if you hit the OM from all angles he's going to throw your WW under the bus. ESPECIALLY if it's going to threaten his career!


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## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

Its her house. She owned it prior to our marriage so I left. She can barely afford it without me so there is no reason to move home. Me being gone is a bigger taste of reality than me living there. I thought he was married, but he may not be. I haven't been able to find out for sure.


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## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> No. Its not about revenge. Its about stopping her affair so she gets her head out of the clouds quickly rather than waiting till this peters out on its own.


That is an interesting perspective that I've often seen on this board.

If your wife doesn't end the affair willingly...if she has to be manipulated and goaded in order to "snap out" of her affair fog, how can you ever be so sure of her loyalty? Her willingness to attempt reconciliation? The idea that the WS is some hypnotised child is a curious one.

But this is going off-topic. I apologise, and I will stop posting on this thread.


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## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

She actually told me to leave the premises so I thought I had to go. I live in a no-fault state.


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## cjb75 (Dec 21, 2011)

Here are some concerns:

1 My wife had some mental health issues in the past and attempted suicide. I would hate to have her fired, hit rock bottom, and have her try something like that again. I would rather lose her than have that on my conscience.

2 I am sort of perplexed by the idea of having the WS hit rock bottom and come crawling back. I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Let her go. The more you fight to reclaim her the more she will resist and will hate you for it. You cannot force her to come back to you, accept it. Let her go.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

With out knowing how long cjb is married and how many kids they have I have assumed there is a greatter investment then just bailing ....walking away. 
If I'm wrong then and there isn't much invested in the M then maybe its time to walk away.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Really, dude you need to quit playing games. This man is doing your wife, laughing at you over his victory over your marriage. This is not about revenge it's justice and the right thing to do. Some people have a low level idea of what revenge is ... reporting the affair to higher ups is justice - cutting his breaklines for him to die in a firery crash is revenge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_ (Sarcasem)


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> She actually told me to leave the premises so I thought I had to go. I live in a no-fault state.


 Talk with a lawyer. Even if the house is in her name, the house is still considered a MARTIAL ASSET!! Therefore, you have a right to be there. The reason she wanted you out of the house is because she wanted to continue the affair with any interference from you. So, if you move back in, it will put a strain on the affair. However, check with a lawyer and see if you can do that. 

If you move back in, ALWAYS keep a voice activated recorder on you. It wouldn't surprise me if she eggs you into an arguement and call the cops stating that she's afraid for her safety. You'll be asked to leave the house, then she'll get and order of protection out on you. If you have the recorder, it might not be able to use in court, but the cops will listen to it and find out that she's full of BS. Extreme, but it has happened before.

Expose to everyone and anyone that has a chance of getting through to her thick head that she's screwed up like a soup sandwich. 

Will, she get mad? YEP!!! And she will say stuff like, " I thought about getting back with you but after all of this..." or "OM is more of a man than you'll ever be..."....blah...blah... This is normal! She'll say this stuff and it's all textbook WW crap. So, it may sting to hear, but remember it's normal and let it run right off your back. Don't get mad and anything she says! Just be like, " you're right babe, I'm a dirtbag....wanna cholocate chip cookie?"

If there is no alienation of affection lawsuit in your state then have the lawyer file under Intentional inflection of emotional distress.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

If OM is married, he has to expose to the BW. He can't let her remain oblivious to her husbands' activities. Not cool.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> I know about the exposure. But then it begs the question do I go all the way with this. If he gets fired can I be sued for slander. I have some proof but I am not sure how concrete.


Slander doesn't apply when you are telling the truth. Slander is when someone in spreading lies.

Exposé this ASAP to HR.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> She actually told me to leave the premises so I thought I had to go. I live in a no-fault state.


Exposé to hr and expose to the OMW.mdo not warn her or evn hint you are going to do it.

Next move back into your home. You are legally entitled to live there. If she refuses you entry, then do not fight, instead visit your lawyer get his assistance to legally be returned to your home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

morituri said:


> Let her go. The more you fight to reclaim her the more she will resist and will hate you for it. You cannot force her to come back to you, accept it. Let her go.


I agree, but he also needs to stop being pushed around by her and letting her have everthing her way. He needs to expose and he needs to return to his home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> I have been lurking here for a while but have a dilemma now and need more input than just reading others threads.
> 
> About two months ago I discovered that my wife was having a PA with her boss. When I exposed it to her she told me she wanted a divorce. I love my wife but did not try to fight it at the time. I moved out and we have been living separately. I do want to reconcile but she is still seeing him and will not even consider it at this point.
> 
> ...


So, this note is giving him 'a piece of your mind'?

Actually, its letting him know that there is no risk in messing with your wife. Don't even talk to him. Let HR know what has happened, and what evidence you have. To the OM, he'll be left to his own mind games in wondering what is going on. See, the thing is, if your wife deserves to keep her job, she will, but if she is using company time to carry on a personal relationship, that's a different story. And, depending on the company, he's toast. An unprofessional liability. Remind HR that their company has fostered an environment that destroys families and has now left a married man homeless. 

Maybe her home was her property before the two of you maried, but things change when you got married. Instead of moving out, the right move would've been to stay home, then ask HR at the OM's company to help you in keeping their employee out of your bed. If you let them know that their comany and your marital situation are inseperable, then you might stand a chance of getting the two of them seperated. Leave it open ended in your approach to HR. Since your wife will not talk to you, 'sexual harasssment' is one of the first things that come to mind, and you don't know if she is only sleeping with her boss because he has given her no other choice. Why not use your wife's unwillingness to talk about this to your advantage? Just saying that if the words "sex" and "boss" get used in the same sentence, an investigation has to follow - and all you are doing is presenting what you "know".


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## speakingforsomemen (Dec 12, 2011)

Whoever has the bright idea on this board to spy, contact other people, needs to have their head examined. You all have no idea what it takes to get someones love back. You all somehow think you know what you are talking about.,. Marriage and love are too complex. Forcing someone or humiliating them is not the way to show love and get them back. People do things for a reason. It may have been brewing for a long time or something very innocent happened and a man or woman succombed to it. The last thing they need, when they are battling their infidelity to you, and they are trying to figure out how to right the wrong, is to be spyed on or have to face embarrassment by the other person. You also don't know what the role of the other person was, could have been very very small, when you confront or expose, you subject your husband or wife or lover to incredible embarassment. Grow up, be reasonable, and also think about why these things happen. Marriage is not about control, it has to be two people, two candles in the wind, if one blows out,the other is bright enough to guide them through. I am currently in the middle of this nonsense, it is killing me and killing a marriage of 32 years. I am a man, men are wired differently than woman. What is important to me is not improtant in many regards to most woman. They do not understand as I do not understand their needs. I am not in their shoes. Step back, think before you start giving half ass advice. Love is not to be controlled, love has to flow naturally. If something happens to the flow, it needs to be corrected, gently. Sometimes, it may never come back. But, you have to remember why you loved the person in the first place and be respectful.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Speaking, good luck in your journey. Do not be judgmental though, and cut this "you have no idea" patronizing please. I hope things end well for you, but so far they didn't.. thus please avoid long-reaching conclusions as of what works and what doesn't.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> Let her go. The more you fight to reclaim her the more she will resist and will hate you for it. You cannot force her to come back to you, accept it. Let her go.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

speakingforsomemen said:


> Whoever has the bright idea on this board to spy, contact other people, needs to have their head examined. You all have no idea what it takes to get someones love back. You all somehow think you know what you are talking about.,. Marriage and love are too complex. Forcing someone or humiliating them is not the way to show love and get them back. People do things for a reason. It may have been brewing for a long time or something very innocent happened and a man or woman succombed to it. The last thing they need, when they are battling their infidelity to you, and they are trying to figure out how to right the wrong, is to be spyed on or have to face embarrassment by the other person. You also don't know what the role of the other person was, could have been very very small, when you confront or expose, you subject your husband or wife or lover to incredible embarassment. Grow up, be reasonable, and also think about why these things happen. Marriage is not about control, it has to be two people, two candles in the wind, if one blows out,the other is bright enough to guide them through. I am currently in the middle of this nonsense, it is killing me and killing a marriage of 32 years. I am a man, men are wired differently than woman. What is important to me is not improtant in many regards to most woman. They do not understand as I do not understand their needs. I am not in their shoes. Step back, think before you start giving half ass advice. Love is not to be controlled, love has to flow naturally. If something happens to the flow, it needs to be corrected, gently. Sometimes, it may never come back. But, you have to remember why you loved the person in the first place and be respectful.


So there are reasons to have an affair? 

So morals are a thing of the past?

People should not be held accountable for their choices?

Was you the cheater, or the cheated?


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

I agree with let her go. But I do think the two of them should be held responsible for their actions. Report it to HR. Find out if he is married and if he is let his wife know. Tell her friends, family, and pet goat what she did. Tell your friends, family, and cat what she did.

Wishing you the best, and sorry your going through this.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Wanabeelee said:


> I agree with let her go. But I do think the two of them should be held responsible for their actions. Report it to HR. Find out if he is married and if he is let his wife know. Tell her friends, family, and pet goat what she did. Tell your friends, family, and cat what she did.
> 
> Wishing you the best, and sorry your going through this.


I agree, because, right now, she's telling people that she's getting divorced because you were verbally abusive, you were emotionally unavailable, you argue, you fight, you both agreed that it would be for the best...

Dollars to Donuts, she hasn't said anything to the fact that her marriage is ending because she's screwing her boss.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

crossbar said:


> I agree, because, right now, she's telling people that she's getting divorced because you were verbally abusive, you were emotionally unavailable, you argue, you fight, you both agreed that it would be for the best...
> 
> Dollars to Donuts, she hasn't said anything to the fact that her marriage is ending because she's screwing her boss.


OT:

That's EXACTLY what my buddies' STBXW is doing to him right now.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

cjb, she wants a divorce, she knows you know about the affair and still chooses her boss over you. Fog or not, let her go. Get a lawyer that will fight for as much as you can get from her, obviously her boss is such a wonderful caretaker so you don't need worry about her being left with nothing, right?


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Expose, expose, expose to everyone.

If you want to reconcile this is the only way it MAY happen. She's gone already so you have nothing to lose in this regard.

You don't know that this "boss" hasn't done this before or will again. You could be saving some other naive wife a world full of hurt.

Your WW's emotional state may be of concern but think of her emotional state when she gets dumped by this POS and you've already moved on and aren't there for her.

Go straight to HR, his boss and the CEO if you have to. Tell them if they don't act you have proof from a PI and will publicize it.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> Expose, expose, expose to everyone.
> 
> If you want to reconcile this is the only way it MAY happen. She's gone already so you have nothing to lose in this regard.
> 
> ...


Nah, he just needs to go to HR and demand satisfaction. If they brush him off, then sick the lawyer on them.

OP complaining= him just being pissed off.

His lawyer approaching the company= litagation. This makes company CEO's very nervous.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

speakingforsomemen said:


> Whoever has the bright idea on this board to spy, contact other people, needs to have their head examined. You all have no idea what it takes to get someones love back. You all somehow think you know what you are talking about.,. Marriage and love are too complex. Forcing someone or humiliating them is not the way to show love and get them back. People do things for a reason. It may have been brewing for a long time or something very innocent happened and a man or woman succombed to it. The last thing they need, when they are battling their infidelity to you, and they are trying to figure out how to right the wrong, is to be spyed on or have to face embarrassment by the other person. You also don't know what the role of the other person was, could have been very very small, when you confront or expose, you subject your husband or wife or lover to incredible embarassment. Grow up, be reasonable, and also think about why these things happen. Marriage is not about control, it has to be two people, two candles in the wind, if one blows out,the other is bright enough to guide them through. I am currently in the middle of this nonsense, it is killing me and killing a marriage of 32 years. I am a man, men are wired differently than woman. What is important to me is not improtant in many regards to most woman. They do not understand as I do not understand their needs. I am not in their shoes. Step back, think before you start giving half ass advice. Love is not to be controlled, love has to flow naturally. If something happens to the flow, it needs to be corrected, gently. Sometimes, it may never come back. But, you have to remember why you loved the person in the first place and be respectful.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

to LM's pic:

:iagree:

SFSM, Seriously?

I think all of us on this board whom are suggesting the level of vigilance we are, are doing so because we either 1) did not do this with our spouse and watched their love naturally drift away into the loins of another or 2) did this and saved the marriage.

We are all suggesting that when the wayward refuses to own up to their choice to toss away the marriage, that plan A (your suggestion) doesn't work. Plan A works when there is general unease and fence-sitting and a breakdown in communication. Plan B is for when the wayward has already convinced themselves the grass is greener and have already undertaken steps to leave the marriage (and so often this is motivated by a secret affair).


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Expose not only to the HR but a mail to their co-workers is a must. Office gossip is good it ruins their secretly .


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> I have been lurking here for a while but have a dilemma now and need more input than just reading others threads.
> 
> About two months ago I discovered that my wife was having a PA with her boss.


Unless the boss owns the company, expose the affair to his higher ups or the board of directors. Its a superior/subordinate relationship and even though it was consensual, management/board would be well advised to let him go to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit.



> When I exposed it to her she told me she wanted a divorce. I love my wife but did not try to fight it at the time. I moved out and we have been living separately. I do want to reconcile but she is still seeing him and will not even consider it at this point.
> 
> I am at a crossroads. I really want to contact her boss and give him a piece of my mind but I also do not want her to get fired so I am hesitant.


She won't get fired. She could file suit if they fired her. They would only fire the boss. Oh they may think of firing her, but again, they'd be taking a risk.

It happened where I work. The boss, a male, started an affair with someone underneath him. He was fired, she was not because she was the subordinate and it was seen as the boss abusing his authority. If he was someone elses boss, it might be different, or if it was another employee, nothing lawfully could be done.

Contact the company president or board president.

I always say that a BS should be more angry with the wife. But really the wife wants a divorce, so what can you really do but expose her to family and friends?


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

EXPOSE. Hopefully he will be fired. If your wife confronts you on it. Tell her, "I just wanted to be real sure that you weren't dumping me because he has more power or money. I mean after all your are a no good cheating skank. Hell, I'm sure he's wondering the same thing. Hey, two can live as cheaply as one."


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Dexter Morgan said:


> She won't get fired. She could file suit if they fired her. They would only fire the boss. Oh they may think of firing her, but again, they'd be taking a risk.


Both can be fired if it was a mutual relationship. Most company policies are pretty cut and dry regarding workplace romances. Unless it can be proven that the boss exerted his position to get her into the relationship then both will either be reassigned or terminated.

If you fire only the boss and let the employee stay and both went into the affair (relationship) willingly then the boss could sue the company for bias.

And the million dollar question is how good is the employee at lying to make it look like the boss forced them into it if they didn't want to lose their job. But lying could get you into big time trouble later on if evidence proves the employee's story was a lie. When it comes to a he said she said deal, the boss usually can't win unless he's got rock solid evidence to prove otherwise.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Both can be fired if it was a mutual relationship. Most company policies are pretty cut and dry regarding workplace romances. Unless it can be proven that the boss exerted his position to get her into the relationship then both will either be reassigned or terminated.
> 
> If you fire only the boss and let the employee stay and both went into the affair (relationship) willingly then the boss could sue the company for bias.
> 
> And the million dollar question is how good is the employee at lying to make it look like the boss forced them into it if they didn't want to lose their job. But lying could get you into big time trouble later on if evidence proves the employee's story was a lie. When it comes to a he said she said deal, the boss usually can't win unless he's got rock solid evidence to prove otherwise.


It would be interesting to see if she throws her boss under the bus in order to keep her job. It certainly wouldn't be good for their illicit relationship in any case.


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## HeartBrokenMan (Oct 24, 2011)

The (old) marriage is dead. Your wife is most likely gone whether you expose or not. At this point, it's best to think about your end goal. What would be effect of your action 5 years from now? If you have kids, then I would argue it's more important to maintain a civil relationship with your STBXW, and therefore it is better to just let her go. If exposure is done out of the desire for a revenge, you will get some short-term satisfaction only. There are people who say exposure helps end the affair, and, MAYBE, your wife would then come back to you, but I think it's unlikely that any self-respecting WS would come back to the LS after being forced to give up the affair, plus it is hard work to rebuild relationship after an A. 

I do advocate exposing to the OMW, as she deserves the truth. Beyond that, just let her go. Karma will punish the people involved in the affair.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> I know about the exposure. But then it begs the question do I go all the way with this. If he gets fired can I be sued for slander. I have some proof but I am not sure how concrete.


You can't be sued for telling the truth. You need to expose this to the owner of the company and the company's attorney. They are at risk for a sexual harrassment lawsuit by your WW or other employees in the company. Any employee could sue if they feel your WW is getting special treatment or if the affair is creating a hostile work environment. 

Is the boss married? You need to call up his wife and expose it to her the same day.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

cjb75 said:


> _You don't know me but I am XXXXX's soon to be ex husband. Actually, we did meet once but I am not sure if that was before or after you slept with my wife. Does your employer know that they not only have a person who would covet another mans wife but also an executive that fraternizes with his direct report? You are a real class act - a great human being and a true professional . How do you live with yourself?_


My husband got a letter like this from OW's husband. He ignored it and they were more careful to hide the affair after that.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The OP seems to have been a drive by, I hope it works out for him. I think that calling out the boss to hr will kill the affair, only then does he have a chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> The OP seems to have been a drive by, I hope it works out for him. I think that calling out the boss to hr will kill the affair, only then does he have a chance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup, another drive by. He hasn't logged in since that first night, like 95% of the newly betrayed do. Too much shock and denial and desparation to save the marriage as usual, so they become too afraid to implement the advice here until the pain and humiliation is too much to take.

Once in while, a small percentage listens and heeds the good advice here.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Both can be fired if it was a mutual relationship.


I beg to differ. The office romance here between a woman and her boss resulted in the boss only being fired. It was completely mutual and consensual. 

Doesn't matter what the company policy is, it matters what a lawyer can do. Even if it was consensual, it was a boss, subordinate relationship where it can be seen as the boss abusing his authority. And even if consensual, it was advised by the company attorney that she could file suit if she was fired even if she admitted it was mutual because of the nature of their relationship. Again, superior/subordinate relationship.

I know, the law doesn't make much sense, just like a company can be sued if another employee harasses another. In most cases as long as the company followed up in some way it shouldn't be held liable, but that didn't stop companies from being forced to pay damages even when it did follow its internal policy.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Dude she had an affair, told you to get the hell out and you're grovelling for her to take _you_ back? seriously? 

That's the woman you want to have children and grow old with?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

fatherinlaw said:


> my sons wife is having an affair with her boss. she announced she wanted a divorce soon after her affair began but denies it had any influence on her decision. i have contacted the company about it and nothing appears to be happening. i have a question about what constitutes proof of the affair. We have phone recs where he attempted to call her around midnight and reciepts where she has bought something close to where he lives late at night when she said she was somewhere else. He lives about 15 miles from where she was supossed to be and the only reason for her being out there was to see him. it's way out of the way. i actually caught her at his house alone with him at 10:30pm one night and saw them kiss when she left. but now that's just her word against mine and she denies it now even though she admitted it to me soon after it happened when i confronted her with the fact i saw them. she denies the affair and says hes just a good friend. we have bank records from numerous nights where she bought something close to his house when she said she was somewhere else. we have subpoenaed her cell phone recs and text messages but havent heard yet if we will get them. been told a subpoena might not be enough, might have to get court order.
> my question is do we have enough proof? I dont think we will get 8x10 photos of them in bed. So what is considered proof? i think they are afraid of company finding out because she is a subordinate and recently promoted by him, seemingly so they could work closer. Workers in the office we talk to are afraid to talk about it for fear of being fired and thinks she does get special treatment. ones who have have been caught talking were called into the office by him and repremanded. He is president of the local branch with no one above him locally. There are branches nationwide with headquarters in Chicago. this is Minneapolis .
> so when is proof enough proof?



Read the newbie thread to the end, there is a post and templates on exposure, link below 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Enough proof for what?


And your son? What does he want?


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

aug said:


> Enough proof for what?
> 
> 
> And your son? What does he want?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Your son needs to get an attorney as in yesterday.


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

morituri said:


> Your son needs to get an attorney as in yesterday.


We fired his first attorney. Current one is doing something. We have subpoenaed Sprint for cell phone recs and text messages. We will threaten her with a trial.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the OM is married or has a girlfriend then you need to expose the affair to them.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

fatherinlaw said:


> We fired his first attorney. Current one is doing something. We have subpoenaed Sprint for cell phone recs and text messages. We will threaten her with a trial.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your son's attorney should also be fighting to remove that RO and to file charges of police misconduct if possible.


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

morituri said:


> Your son's attorney should also be fighting to remove that RO and to file charges of police misconduct if possible.


Good idea on the police misconduct. I forgot to say that she had her cell phone with her all the time but in the PO statement didn't mention it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Generally the police will request a PO from a judge. A judge must approve the PO. So the real blame would be on the judge. Very hard to believe there was not other evidence for this action. Usually it would take photographs of actual physical beatings and/or other evidence of violence. Past history / complaints and so on. The husband would have been arrested and arraigned and informed at the time about the PO. No doubt this varies from place to place, but this seemed a tad easy for her to do with no evidence of anything.

Anyway, the action to take does require a good lawyer. Not sure why a police officer would have put thatmeselves at risk of a lawsuit so readily.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Put the boss on cheaterville.com. There is also a place there to send him an anonymous message. Let him know anytime his name is googled he will come up as a cheater.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Both parties can get fired, in a company I use to work for a supervisor (married man) was having an affair with a married female employee. The BH reported the affair to the company, after an investigation, both were fired. Both went to Labor Commission and hired attorney - both dropped their cases when employer filed lawsuit against them.

The company archives all Internet and network activity. They document the number if hours if work time the sent on FB, and on an Instant Message service, additionally they were able to retrieve all the non work related e-mails they sent to each other during work hours and the amount of time it took to write the said e-mails ....... They averaged over 50 hours a month in affair related activities during work hours - easy to put a dollar cost on that..........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Generally the police will request a PO from a judge. A judge must approve the PO. So the real blame would be on the judge. Very hard to believe there was not other evidence for this action. Usually it would take photographs of actual physical beatings and/or other evidence of violence. Past history / complaints and so on. The husband would have been arrested and arraigned and informed at the time about the PO. No doubt this varies from place to place, but this seemed a tad easy for her to do with no evidence of anything.
> 
> Anyway, the action to take does require a good lawyer. Not sure why a police officer would have put thatmeselves at risk of a lawsuit so readily.


My son was never arrested. All his wife had to do was say she felt threatened and file for the order and a summons was issued. He signed it and it was a done deal. Week later our lawyer recommended agreeing to it and that was that. We fired her later. New lawyer said we should have fought it. Too late now. Hope to get it thrown out at trial.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

fatherinlaw said:


> My son was never arrested. All his wife had to do was say she felt threatened and file for the order and a summons was issued. He signed it and it was a done deal. Week later our lawyer recommended agreeing to it and that was that. We fired her later. New lawyer said we should have fought it. Too late now. Hope to get it thrown out at trial.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This can vary county to county but what country / state are we talking about here? That is plain nuckenfutts.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

RO for disconnecting a phone line? No corroborating evidence, police reports, pictures of physical injuries, witnesses, past criminal history or history of DV, etc? All she has to do is say she feels threatened? People actually have to have supporting evidence to get an RO signed by a judge - *this is to prevent frivolous ROs for malicious reasons*. 

Then the defense lawyer recommended agreeing with it? There's gotta be more to this story than that.


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> This can vary county to county but what country / state are we talking about here? That is plain nuckenfutts.


This is Minnesota. Liberal land. Everyone I tell this to just can't believe that it could happen. She also had many blatant lies in the statement attached to the order, but that didn't seem to matter. The legal system seems to be totally biased for women. Everything she says is believed and every thing he says is treated as an obvious fabrication.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> RO for disconnecting a phone line? No corroborating evidence, police reports, pictures of physical injuries, witnesses, past criminal history or history of DV, etc? All she has to do is say she feels threatened? People actually have to have supporting evidence to get an RO signed by a judge - *this is to prevent frivolous ROs for malicious reasons*.
> 
> Then the defense lawyer recommended agreeing with it? There's gotta be more to this story than that.


She had absolutely no evidence of any kind. Wasn't needed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

come on folks. this guy makes 7 posts in 33 minutes on 12/20 and then vanishes? Sounds like another playful student to me.


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## speakingforsomemen (Dec 12, 2011)

put a keylogger on her computer Dude, you know that is the answer. Expose the boss, make a fool of everyone. And by the way, forget about trying to fix the reason why she had the affair.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

fatherinlaw said:


> Too late. My son is banned from the house where her computer is. I did post her boss on Cheaterville.com. Matt Lynch.
> I'm thinking of calling HR at there corporate headquarters tomorrow and tell them all the evidence I have.




Post a photo of him on the site as well , mail his friends from the site . They may as well know he is listed.


When you start a task do it properly .

BTW: you should start your own thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> I did post her boss on Cheaterville.com. Matt Lynch.


He must've gotten wind of it because they took his profile down.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

JustaJerk said:


> He must've gotten wind of it because they took his profile down.


Why would they take his profile down?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

JustaJerk said:


> He must've gotten wind of it because they took his profile down.


It comes up on google (matt Lynch cheater) but wont come up on cheaterville.

Where does he work?

I would put up a billboard and picket the business, with a permit of course.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Don't know. I just know its not there anymore.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

when I checked it said it knew him, but there wasn't any to show.

Perhaps the posting didn't get fully completed?

Maybe there's an confirming email the poster needs to act on?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

when I checked it said it knew him, but there wasn't any to show.

Perhaps the posting didn't get fully completed?

Maybe there's an confirming email the poster needs to act on?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

chapparal said:


> It comes up on google (matt Lynch cheater) but wont come up on cheaterville.
> 
> Where does he work?
> 
> I would put up a billboard and picket the business, with a permit of course.



From google snippet:


> He's her boss - Matt Lynch
> http://www.cheaterville.com/?page=cheaters&id=11865&sid=23847
> 7 hours ago – Matt Lynch works for ***********.at Minneapolis branch. He was promoted to president of the branch he started in on my sons wife. They were ...



A further google search reveals where he works.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> when I checked it said it knew him, but there wasn't any to show.
> 
> Perhaps the posting didn't get fully completed?
> 
> Maybe there's an confirming email the poster needs to act on?


Nah, bro. When I went on there earlier today, it _was_ up there... pic and all. It even named his DIL.

I'm thinkin' someone got wind of it, and _made_ them take it down.

If you notice also, FIL has not posted anymore since then.


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> when I checked it said it knew him, but there wasn't any to show.
> 
> Perhaps the posting didn't get fully completed?
> 
> Maybe there's an confirming email the poster needs to act on?


I needed to edit the post but there was no way unless you remove it then post a new one. I did that but something is holding it up. They say it can take 48 hours, so I'll just have to wait.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

JustaJerk said:


> Nah, bro. When I went on there earlier today, it _was_ up there... pic and all. It even named his DIL.
> 
> I'm thinkin' someone got wind of it, and _made_ them take it down.
> 
> If you notice also, FIL has not posted anymore since then.


Yes, it was up there for about an hour. Had to remove it to edit. Now waiting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fatherinlaw (Dec 31, 2011)

Here's another juicy or heart breaking tidbit to this story. Couple months ago, when my son was still living in the house with his wife, in fact they were still sleeping in the same bed. She left for work before 6am, usually leave about 7:45. She had a short black dress, g-string underwear, perfume, earrings, the works. She didn't come home until 10:30pm wearing the same outfit. When she was in the bathroom my son looked on her cell and found a message from Matt, her boss, that she had deleted but she forgot to delete her reply. Her reply said "on my way". I don't know how he survived through all this up to now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Yeah... I just saw it. I thought they might've had you take it down for some reason.

Anyway, there's no doubt they're having an affair, in my mind. She needs to be confronted also. She basically has a "free pass," while your son(her husband) is out of the house now.

Have you guys exposed them to family and friends. If not, this needs to be done.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You should send a mail from that site to some of his coworkers , family and friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KenCasanova (Jan 3, 2012)

Not the boss' fault if he didn't know she was married.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

does he know he's on cheaterville?


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## TallE (Dec 12, 2011)

A google search of his name will also list this thread. You can all assume that he will be reading all of this shortly if he hasn't already. probably should get this moved to the private members section...if possible.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

TallE said:


> A google search of his name will also list this thread. You can all assume that he will be reading all of this shortly if he hasn't already. probably should get this moved to the private members section...if possible.


OTOH it would be nice for him to know how many people know what a cheating scumbag he is. Hopefully this has already made it to his employers.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I think FIL should print off the cheaterville page and plaster it all over his work and neighborhood.


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## TallE (Dec 12, 2011)

Google search easily leads to head office leadership page


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

An interesting side note. ********** is mentioned in the urban dictionary as:

someone who spends far to long on their hair and worried about what they look like to much, sometimes described as metrosexual, they are the downfall of old school men


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## TallE (Dec 12, 2011)

Must not be the same dude as looking at his pic he's got a supercuts hair cut.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

fatherinlaw said:


> could you delete everything with his name in it? thanks



you have to do that (just hit edit on the post) but if anyone has quoted the name needs to delete it as well.


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## TallE (Dec 12, 2011)

StrangerThanFiction must edit this post too: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/36851-ww-affair-boss-6.html#post537118


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

KenCasanova said:


> Not the boss' fault if he didn't know she was married.


Its still an inappropriate superior/subordinate relationship that any board would be wise to deal with as to avoid a lawsuit, whether the relationship between them was consensual or not.

Besides, how could the boss NOT know? I don't know of any supervisor that doesn't know the marital status of their subordinates.


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