# Insensitive to ask for old memories and an exchange? (Resolved)



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

EDIT: Done deal guys, thanks for the replies 

Been clearing up a lot of stuff if things develop with either this new girl or the next girl, found a couple of ex fiancee's stuff, including a cute costume of hers.

I also realised I'm missing quite alot of photos and videos that I want to keep on a usb drive in my little box of memories. I thought after 10 months and an amicable breakup we can do an exchange, so I broke no contact (which I initiated last year for my own sanity)

And, no response, then she blocked me 🤷‍♂️ What the hell?

Guess the request was too much. Bad miscalculation. Looks like I'll be carting this costume around for the rest of my life (can't burn it) and will never get the old photos and videos now. I always thought she was more emotionally mature, or was I just too insensitive to ask such a thing?

Theres the possibility a new guy would be telling her to block, but she would be trading up not down doesn't make sense she would go for someone who would impair her freedom like that, nah all points to her blocking me for that request.

At least let me get rid of that costume, maybe it holds too many memories too? Thinking of just mailing the thing but hell she blocked means stay away. I thought she would be the one completely over things by now.

Rather a WTF, maybe I should have waited a few more years but I can't initiate contact with an ex if I'm with someone that's why I did it now. This kinda doesn't help with remembering her fondly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Been clearing up a lot of stuff if things develop with either this new girl or the next girl, found a couple of ex fiancee's stuff, including a cute costume of hers.
> 
> I also realised I'm missing quite alot of photos and videos that I want to keep on a usb drive in my little box of memories. I thought after 10 months and an amicable breakup we can do an exchange, so I broke no contact (which I initiated last year for my own sanity)
> 
> ...


Just throw it away.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Just throw it away.


There's memories attached to it, but mostly hers, it's not 'ours', that's why I want to give it back. 

I can't bring myself to chuck it same way I can't chuck any of her other stuff, new girl will just have to deal with those but they are all in a neat box of memories.

This sucks


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Been clearing up a lot of stuff if things develop with either this new girl or the next girl, found a couple of ex fiancee's stuff, including a cute costume of hers.
> 
> I also realised I'm missing quite alot of photos and videos that I want to keep on a usb drive in my little box of memories. I thought after 10 months and an amicable breakup we can do an exchange, so I broke no contact (which I initiated last year for my own sanity)
> 
> ...


How can you fault her for blocking you after YOU did no contact? I'm not saying you shouldn't have, but I mean, shouldn't be a surprise when she does the same.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> There's memories attached to it, but mostly hers, it's not 'ours', that's why I want to give it back.
> 
> I can't bring myself to chuck it same way I can't chuck any of her other stuff, new girl will just have to deal with those but they are all in a neat box of memories.
> 
> This sucks


Throw it away! Cute little woman's costume, there's no acceptable explanation for holding onto that. SHE doesn't want it, so throw it out and forget it!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> How can you fault her for blocking you after YOU did no contact? I'm not saying you shouldn't have, but I mean, shouldn't be a surprise when she does the same.


I didnt block her, just unfriended her, archived our photos videos and deleted our messages so she no longer popped up on my feed. Besides I told her why I was doing it and wished her the best. I never did what she just did to me.



DownByTheRiver said:


> Throw it away! Cute little woman's costume, there's no acceptable explanation for holding onto that. SHE doesn't want it, so throw it out and forget it!


I just found it, and I have an issue with chucking stuff with memories. I hoard some stuff from other exs too, though mostly just photos and videos.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

No woman wants your exes momentous in their face. Is this real? The next woman needs to except your affection for ex? Strange


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Really bloody annoying bc photos and videos of our trips were on her phone now too I'll never remember them like my other trips with other exs.

Like maybe she is thinking "after 10 months you have the audacity to show up out of the blue and ask me to send you old photos/videos of us?! F off!"
Yeah well, what can I do? Text her later when I may be with someone?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Sounds you like the chase but not so much the actual person.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> No woman wants your exes momentous in their face. Is this real? The next woman needs to except your affection for ex? Strange


What affection? There's none, just memories. When we were together she had photos/memories/momentoes of her exs and orbiters too, never bothered me. 
I even found one of her orbiter's momentos quite cute which she stashed in her closet because it was creepy apparently. Vice versa and she never told me to get rid of my exs' stuff.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> Sounds you like the chase but not so much the actual person.


What does this have to do with anything? I just wanted an exchange and be on my way, and thought we were amicable enough for it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Photos are one thing. 

A "cute costume" of an ex is another. Many women will raise an eyebrow at your need to keep that.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

That was definitely bad form on your part buddy. 10 months later and the ex is reaching out because they're going over all your old memories together? 10 months later, you should be looking forward, not backward. 

Throw out that outfit. That is not an appropriate keepsake from a former relationship to have around.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> Photos are one thing.
> 
> A "cute costume" of an ex is another. Many women will raise an eyebrow at your need to keep that.


That's why I wanted to give it back. It's not something we have memories of, and no its not and never been sexual or anything it's more hers than ours.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> That was definitely bad form on your part buddy. 10 months later and the ex is reaching out because they're going over all your old memories together? 10 months later, you should be looking forward, not backward.
> 
> Throw out that outfit. That is not an appropriate keepsake from a former relationship to have around.


I didn't bring up the old memories, but I want the photos and videos of our trip. I still look back at the memories of my other exs from time to time. Doesn't mean I want anything to do with them, but it's part of my life.

I just can't chuck it. It's like I'm too hardwired to chuck out stuff with memories. I can't even chuck a birthday card a late friend gave me when I was a kid and he died of a stroke. It's lurking around somewhere in a box, don't know where it is, but I can't chuck it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She doesn't want it. Are you planning on keeping it until she kicks off in 40 years and placing it in her coffin -- or keeping it in your own?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I’m talking about your referring to women as “ this one” and “ the next one”. If I had a bad break up I wouldn’t want to see my ex at 10 months.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> She doesn't want it. Are you planning on keeping it until she kicks off in 40 years and placing it in her coffin -- or keeping it in your own?


No idea, hoarding doesn't really have a logical purpose or plan.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I didn't bring up the old memories, but I want the photos and videos of our trip. I still look back at the memories of my other exs from time to time. Doesn't mean I want anything to do with them, but it's part of my life.
> 
> I just can't chuck it. It's like I'm too hardwired to chuck out stuff with memories. I can't even chuck a birthday card a late friend gave me when I was a kid and he died of a stroke. It's lurking around somewhere in a box, don't know where it is, but I can't chuck it.


Any new girl you date is gonna have a problem with you keeping old outfits from exes. You can try and justify all this to us if you like, but if you move forward one day with someone new and she sees this outfit at your house, you are gonna have to answer some uncomfortable questions. 

Never reach out to exes. Doesn't matter why. Every time you do, it just makes you look bad. Maybe you don't see that now, but one day you might understand.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> Any new girl you date is gonna have a problem with you keeping old outfits from exes. You can try and justify all this to us if you like, but if you move forward one day with someone new and she sees this outfit at your house, you are gonna have to answer some uncomfortable questions.
> 
> Never reach out to exes. Doesn't matter why. Every time you do, it just makes you look bad. Maybe you don't see that now, but one day you might understand.


I know but I just didn't care, I just wanted my photos and videos that my goldfish memory will soon forget and get rid of this crap that I can't bring myself to chuck.

Bah! I'm an idiot.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> No idea, hoarding doesn't really have a logical purpose or plan.


If you really have a hoarding problem, that is something you should see a psychologist for. it can be dealt with, I understand, one you understand why you do it. 

I do understand souvenirs. I'm not married, so I have all my old photos up on the walls everywhere and keep some stuff. What they tell people who have to handle an estate, say their husband's estate, is to get rid of everything except just a few items that make you happy instead of sad, just a few. I mean, it doesn't take keeping everything to remember someone. And that thing is NOT going to make sense to anybody in your future. I suppose if you think you still know her address, you could mail her all that stuff. She'll just think you're weird and pathetic for doing so when she doesn't care about it, though. She'll know you're fishing for contact with her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I know but I just didn't care, I just wanted my photos and videos that my goldfish memory will soon forget and get rid of this crap that I can't bring myself to chuck.
> 
> Bah! I'm an idiot.


You surely have some of your own photos.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If you really have a hoarding problem, that is something you should see a psychologist for. it can be dealt with, I understand, one you understand why you do it.
> 
> I do understand souvenirs. I'm not married, so I have all my old photos up on the walls everywhere and keep some stuff. What they tell people who have to handle an estate, say their husband's estate, is to get rid of everything except just a few items that make you happy instead of sad, just a few. I mean, it doesn't take keeping everything to remember someone. And that thing is NOT going to make sense to anybody in your future. I suppose if you think you still know her address, you could mail her all that stuff. She'll just think you're weird and pathetic for doing so when she doesn't care about it, though. She'll know you're fishing for contact with her.


Well, nothing makes me sad, it's all happy. I guess I can mail it but that's stepping over boundaries considering she blocked me no?

I'll just have to make do without the old photos, next time I should make note to grab it all before going no contact. Just didn't think that far ahead at the time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You surely have some of your own photos.


Barely that is the damn problem, she was the one always with her phone out. Snap this, snap that, and I relied on her to do it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Well, nothing makes me sad, it's all happy. I guess I can mail it but that's stepping over boundaries considering she blocked me no?
> 
> I'll just have to make do without the old photos, next time I should make note to grab it all before going no contact. Just didn't think that far ahead at the time.


Mail that stuff to her so your grandchildren don't find a girl's costume while they're cleaning out your estate 40 years from now. Don't write anything. Just box it, address it, and don't enclose any written sentiments unless you really do want to look like you're jonesing for her. Which is fine if you are, but at least try to maintain your image....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Mail that stuff to her so your grandchildren don't find a girl's costume while they're cleaning out your estate 40 years from now. Don't write anything. Just box it, address it, and don't enclose any written sentiments unless you really do want to look like you're jonesing for her. Which is fine if you are, but at least try to maintain your image....


Is that what she's thinking? Bleh
I was trying to balance being polite and friendly and straight to the point in my text, she should know I'm not gunning for her but if that's what she thinks then bah! Whatever!

Should have just chucked it on a drive by without messaging her. But then I wanted those photos too... bah!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Is that what she's thinking? Bleh
> I was trying to balance being polite and friendly and straight to the point in my text, she should know I'm not gunning for her but if that's what she thinks then bah! Whatever!
> 
> Should have just chucked it on a drive by without messaging her. But then I wanted those photos too... bah!


You know how people are.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You know how people are.


Yeah well no consequence what she thinks, but consequence my memories of that trip and other memories are going to be a damn blur  

Think I'm just going to mail it next time I'm at the shops without a return address and if it gets lost in the middle whatever - fate.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Yeah I’d have an issue if my husband kept trophies from old conquests. I think he’d have an issue with me doing that too. Yikes dude.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yeah I’d have an issue if my husband kept trophies from old conquests. I think he’d have an issue with me doing that too. Yikes dude.


What the hell? Trophies? I want to get rid of the costume!

I just wanted the photos and videos that she took for us and never transferred to my phone because didn't anticipate this problem 😑


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> What the hell? Trophies? I want to get rid of the costume!
> 
> I just wanted the photos and videos that she took for us and never transferred to my phone because didn't anticipate this problem 😑


Then trash the costume.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Asking her for photos and videos 10 months after no contact. Yes that’s beyond.

If you were in a relationship and an ex came round asking for photos and videos of your new gf well you probably wouldn’t like it. 

but it certainly doesn’t have to be anew boy though I’m sure she has one by now. Just plain old her could think this was weird or desperate or disturbing.

I can’t even think of an ex I spoke with ever after 10 months had passed.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Mine are exes for a reason. But then I don’t have that many of them so maybe I don’t need to keep pictures and momentos to remember them all. There’s like 3 of them since high school.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Anastasia6 said:


> Asking her for photos and videos 10 months after no contact. Yes that’s beyond.
> If you were in a relationship and an ex came round asking for photos and videos of your new gf well you probably wouldn’t like it.
> but it certainly doesn’t have to be anew boy though I’m sure she has one by now. Just plain old her could think this was weird or desperate or disturbing.
> I can’t even think of an ex I spoke with ever after 10 months had passed.


I did feel weird doing it, but I was out of options, if I didn't do it, I may regret not asking for them while I still had the chance. 
I can't initiate contact with an ex if I'm with someone.

And if she had a LTR with him I'd rather she send him the photos/videos and tie up that loose end.

Oh well


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Then trash the costume.


Guess I can throw it to a donation clothing bin at the salvos, won't feel as bad as chucking it.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I did feel weird doing it, but I was* out of options*, if I didn't do it, I may regret not asking for them while I still had the chance.
> I can't initiate contact with an ex if I'm with someone.
> 
> And if she had a LTR with him I'd rather she send him the photos/videos and tie up that loose end.
> ...


Come on... 

If that costume was so important to her, she'd have asked for it a long time ago. So what's the real reason you so want to give it back? Just chunk it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> Come on...
> If that costume was so important to her, she'd have asked for it a long time ago. So what's the real reason you so want to give it back? Just chunk it.


Out of options when it comes to our old photos/videos, not about the costume.

As for the costume it's because it stings at the thought of throwing her stuff away.
That costume has one memory, but she has a lot more memories of it so it's not right to say its ours. It's hers.

But hey she doesn't want it she doesn't want it, I'll chuck it in a salvo clothing bin, might keep someone warm.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Out of options when it comes to our old photos/videos, not about the costume.
> 
> As for the costume it's because it stings at the thought of throwing her stuff away.
> That costume has one memory, but she has a lot more memories of it so it's not right to say its ours. It's hers.
> ...


Well, you'll have to do without the pictures. She may have even deleted them to erase you. I deleted everything with my ex and left our wedding photos on the bar along with some other sentimental crap he gave me.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well no consequence what she thinks, but consequence my memories of that trip and other memories are going to be a damn blur
> 
> Think I'm just going to mail it next time I'm at the shops without a return address and if it gets lost in the middle whatever - fate.


She'll know where it came from so if you want to you can put a return address. She can't blame you for wanting to get that stuff out of the way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TXTrini said:


> Well, you'll have to do without the pictures. She may have even deleted them to erase you. I deleted everything with my ex and left our wedding photos on the bar along with some other sentimental crap he gave me.


Yeah that's what I'm telling myself so it feels better that she deleted everything and I've done what I can to retrieve them with no regrets.

If she did delete them though it's rather out of character for her, thought she was the emotionally stronger/mature of us two.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> She'll know where it came from so if you want to you can put a return address. She can't blame you for wanting to get that stuff out of the way.


True, thought it rather silly when I wrote that, she knows where I live and where I work. I dunno, salvo bin or mailing... either way I am getting rid of it.

Keeping it defeats the whole purpose of my packaging and hiding everything ex-related in storage and making everything new-lady-friendly.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I confess I maintain some contact with a couple of exes and one was unavoidable that I'm still in contact with. The other I have pretty much abandoned.

I did send the one I've abandoned photos that were taken by a professional photographer who made me caretaker of the proof sheet decades ago so that was about 20 years ago when I did that. I didn't just give it to him but a couple of guys from the band. And saw him a time or two when he visited town. And I do have photos of him up.

The other one never left town and we had to work with each other more than once. And we keep in touch. I actually did ask him for a photo when I was making my walls of photos. The only one I had of him was a real drunk photo of him and I and Donny Osmond. Hahahaha. We were just working together but it looked like he had a boner in the photo so when I contacted him to ask him for a decent photo to complete my wall, I told him otherwise I was going to have to put up that photo where he looks like he's got a boner and we're standing next to Donnie Osmond. 
So he got me one right away 🤣

So now he's only been over here a couple of times but I have to hide that one I said I would take down because I still have it up even though it really is horrible of all of us. And then I also have to take down the one of the guy who stole his second wife. It all makes me chuckle. Just goes to show you can have fun with exes if you go about it right.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I confess I maintain some contact with a couple of exes and one was unavoidable that I'm still in contact with. The other I have pretty much abandoned.
> 
> I did send the one I've abandoned photos that were taken by a professional photographer who made me caretaker of the proof sheet decades ago so that was about 20 years ago when I did that. I didn't just give it to him but a couple of guys from the band. And saw him a time or two when he visited town. And I do have photos of him up.
> 
> ...


Why can't I have that? 
I don't have that many happy memories in my life and I just wanted the ones I do have immortalised so I can laugh and smile looking back at them.

Next time I'm transferring photos/videos immediately.

When younger I didn't care so much about photos but I think as I'm aging with my life being more vast my memory capacity is getting more and more goldfish.
Ex even complained we didn't take enough photos and hence she took most of them at her initiative, which obviously is now biting me in the ass.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Why can't I have that?
> I don't have that many happy memories in my life and I just wanted the ones I do have immortalised so I can laugh and smile looking back at them.
> 
> Next time I'm transferring photos/videos immediately.
> ...


You'll have to take more going forward. It's kind of hard to hold on to them the way everything changes online. I've had trouble accessing mine at times. I like my best just saved on my PC but they start on my phone so that's not the easiest.

The only reason I was able to stay in contact with that one ex who was very traumatic for me at times both in personal and work, is we just kept tripping over each other professionally anyway for so many years that it became ridiculous not to just try to be friends. But I did not want to see him at all for 10 years. You can get traumatized and just too vulnerable to be around the person. I finally got past that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You'll have to take more going forward. It's kind of hard to hold on to them the way everything changes online. I've had trouble accessing mine at times. I like my best just saved on my PC but they start on my phone so that's not the easiest.
> 
> The only reason I was able to stay in contact with that one ex who was very traumatic for me at times both in personal and work, is we just kept tripping over each other professionally anyway for so many years that it became ridiculous not to just try to be friends. But I did not want to see him at all for 10 years. You can get traumatized and just too vulnerable to be around the person. I finally got past that.


Guess it's a lesson learnt 😔
4 years of memories, a lot of it just gone

Oh well, **** happens and I tried


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Guess I can throw it to a donation clothing bin at the salvos, won't feel as bad as chucking it.


Ok I apologize if this is a dorkily naive question, but we’re talking about sex clothes right? Does anyone really want a used sex costume? I mean, ew.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Ok I apologize if this is a dorkily naive question, but we’re talking about sex clothes right? Does anyone really want a used sex costume? I mean, ew.


He said it wasn't sex clothes!    
But I like where your mind is going!


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Not so long ago an ex GF of mine hit me up just to check on me. She's likely lonely. I sent her some old pics I had taken of her back when we were still in our 20's, including a pic of the two of us that she had forgotten about. We dated 20 years ago. There I go aging myself. Anyway, 20 years later and it's fine. 10 months later and you seem sad and lonely trying to hit her up. Just let it go man.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Ok I apologize if this is a dorkily naive question, but we’re talking about sex clothes right? Does anyone really want a used sex costume? I mean, ew.





TXTrini said:


> He said it wasn't sex clothes!
> But I like where your mind is going!


Of course that's where all your minds went! 

😑


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

If I saw lingerie you bought ec that would not be cool. Just saying


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> Not so long ago an ex GF of mine hit me up just to check on me. She's likely lonely. I sent her some old pics I had taken of her back when we were still in our 20's, including a pic of the two of us that she had forgotten about. We dated 20 years ago. There I go aging myself. Anyway, 20 years later and it's fine. 10 months later and you seem sad and lonely trying to hit her up. Just let it go man.


Yeah well I asked for the photos/videos straight away - not rudely, though maybe that's why she got pissed who knows.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well I asked for the photos/videos straight away - not rudely, though maybe that's why she got pissed who knows.


It's not a matter of her getting pissed, she's just likely moved on and isn't interested. While you're worried about memories with her, she is trying to make new memories. That is what you should be doing. Now that I am with someone and close to getting married, I feel like all of my exes have been trying to communicate with me in some way. I really don't have time for that crap.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Of course that's where all your minds went!
> 
> 😑


Well you could just tell us what it is so we didn't have to use our dirty imaginations.


Is this the one who used to be an escort? Because that's why my mind went to a little French maids uniform.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> It's not a matter of her getting pissed, she's just likely moved on and isn't interested. While you're worried about memories with her, she is trying to make new memories. That is what you should be doing. Now that I am with someone and close to getting married, I feel like all of my exes have been trying to communicate with me in some way. I really don't have time for that crap.


I am making new memories, just thought I could claim my old ones moving on. 

Guess not, oh well.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I am making new memories, just thought I could claim my old ones moving on.
> 
> Guess not, oh well.


As I said, maybe one day long in the future. Now is too soon. Even then, I never suggest reaching out to an ex because when you do, you are negotiating from a position of weakness. If you're out there living your best life, they will one day reach out to you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> As I said, maybe one day long in the future. Now is too soon. Even then, I never suggest reaching out to an ex because when you do, you are negotiating from a position of weakness. If you're out there living your best life, they will one day reach out to you.


I dont even want her to reach out to me I just wanted the damn freaking photos and videos she hoarded on her phone but didn't bother to upload on FB so I got a tiny fraction of it and to get rid of her costume.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> He said it wasn't sex clothes!
> But I like where your mind is going!


I used to have a schoolgirl outfit back when I was young and hot. From the early days, when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I do not have it any more, I threw it away after that boy and I broke up cause you can’t use the same outfit for more than one person. I don’t think we should be sharing needles or sex clothes. Seems unsanitary. 😂😂😂😉


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Of course that's where all your minds went!
> 
> 😑


Sorry. Felling antsy so I’ve got it on my brain.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well you could just tell us what it is so we didn't have to use our dirty imaginations.
> 
> 
> Is this the one who used to be an escort? Because that's why my mind went to a little French maids uniform.


Nah, escort one is ex-wife and we have a really good coparenting relationship, ex-fiancee is the one I cradle robbed and who has now ghosted me.

Don't wanna say what it is, just think of it as something funny like a Barney costume, but not. It's something kids laugh at, but also wearable and comfy.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Nah, escort one is ex-wife and we have a really good coparenting relationship, ex-fiancee is the one I cradle robbed and who has now ghosted me.
> 
> Don't wanna say what it is, just think of it as something funny like a Barney costume, but not. It's something kids laugh at, but also wearable and comfy.


Is it feetie pajamas? Cause to be honest I would want those back. Especially if they were super soft and had ears on the hoodie.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Is it feetie pajamas? Cause to be honest I would want those back. Especially if they were super soft and had ears on the hoodie.


So that's what it's called? Yup 😑
Guess so, just a costume version

She always liked it and not something she would have wanted in the trash despite her current behavior...

Maybe I'll mail it then not dump it at salvos


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I used to have a schoolgirl outfit back when I was young and hot. From the early days, when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I do not have it any more, I threw it away after that boy and I broke up cause you can’t use the same outfit for more than one person. I don’t think we should be sharing needles or sex clothes. Seems unsanitary. 😂😂😂😉


I was into wigs, the pinker the better. If you wore a pink wig back then, doesn't matter what else you're wearing or not wearing.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Nah, escort one is ex-wife and we have a really good coparenting relationship, ex-fiancee is the one I cradle robbed and who has now ghosted me.
> 
> Don't wanna say what it is, just think of it as something funny like a Barney costume, but not. It's something kids laugh at, but also wearable and comfy.


SpongeBob SquarePants?

Bunny costume. You don't have to tell me. My imagination is just running away with me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> SpongeBob SquarePants?
> 
> Bunny costume. You don't have to tell me. My imagination is just running away with me.


Hahaha  

... NO! lol


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> So that's what it's called? Yup 😑
> Guess so, just a costume version
> 
> She always liked it and not something she would have wanted in the trash despite her current behavior...
> ...


Well she shoulda been nicer. Choices have consequences and hers is that she lost her feetie pajamas.

I want bright pink ones so I can be a flamingo.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I have not read the last 4 pages of this thread… yesterday was the 20th year anniversary of my late wifes death, and I ate lunch at her grave. After her I had a gal brook my heart that then ghosted me; I loved them both more than I knew I could and both left many artifacts behind. I took pictures of all of them and got rid of most; keeping a few that are hidden way. The pictures now fill me with a mix of feelings that are very conflicting and reminds me of this quote.

“The past gives you no justice. Sentences are passed. But that doesn't mean you get justice. You can stand there forever and rail and say, 'Someone has to pay. I want what was taken from me.' But you're just going to get silence coming back at you. The past doesn't pay. We pay. And we're all free to decide when we've had enough.”
Michael Hainey,

Stop paying and remember her in a way that holds you both up to the light and let go.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well she shoulda been nicer. Choices have consequences and hers is that she lost her feetie pajamas.
> 
> I want bright pink ones so I can be a flamingo.


I'll just mail it later on today. I hold no ill will towards her, even if she won't gimme the photos/videos. I'll just have to live with that.

Serves me right for not appreciating photos/videos. How am I supposed to know as I age my memory becomes more and more goldfishy?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> I have not read the last 4 pages of this thread… yesterday was the 20th year anniversary of my late wifes death, and I ate lunch at her grave. After her I had a gal brook my heart that then ghosted me; I loved them both more than I knew I could and both left many artifacts behind. I took pictures of all of them and got rid of most; keeping a few that are hidden way. The pictures now fill me with a mix of feelings that are very conflicting and reminds me of this quote.
> 
> “The past gives you no justice. Sentences are passed. But that doesn't mean you get justice. You can stand there forever and rail and say, 'Someone has to pay. I want what was taken from me.' But you're just going to get silence coming back at you. The past doesn't pay. We pay. And we're all free to decide when we've had enough.”
> Michael Hainey,
> ...


Without those photos/videos I will forget, like others I have forgotten before her. This one I just don't want to forget because I remember many memories with a smile.
Regardless of who she is now I just don't care, she's no longer the woman I love, but she was, and I want to remember the one who died.

My condolences and respect by the way, I'm not so sure I can survive being widowed.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Don't mail her clothes back to her. If she wanted that stuff, she would have talked to you. You mailing it back to her just comes off as even more sad and desperate. Maybe even creepy. Let it go, man. Toss the outfit in the trash.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> Don't mail her clothes back to her. If she wanted that stuff, she would have talked to you. You mailing it back to her just comes off as even more sad and desperate. Maybe even creepy. Let it go, man. Toss the outfit in the trash.


She couldn't have talked to me, last year I did unfriend her and didn't talk to her for 10 months even though she made me promise not to disappear out of her life though I did give reasons for breaking it.

I don't know bro. I don't really care if she thinks of me sad, desperate or creepy, it's of no consequence. I got my answer with the photos - and I won't press for it, and who knows she probably wants the costume back but just doesn't want to deal with me, so mailing would be the solution there.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> She couldn't have talked to me, last year I did unfriend her and didn't talk to her for 10 months even though she made me promise not to disappear out of her life though I did give reasons for breaking it.
> 
> I don't know bro. I don't really care if she thinks of me sad, desperate or creepy, it's of no consequence. I got my answer with the photos - and I won't press for it, and who knows she probably wants the costume back but just doesn't want to deal with me, so mailing would be the solution there.


Mailing the costume back is you forcing her to deal with you. She blocked you so you take things out of her hands and mail something to her. You have to take the hint, bro.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> Mailing the costume back is you forcing her to deal with you. She blocked you so you take things out of her hands and mail something to her. You have to take the hint, bro.



How? It's her sh-t, not going to write notes or anything hell I can always chuck it on a driveby.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> How? It's her sh-t, not going to write notes or anything hell I can always chuck it on a driveby.


Ok, why are you making such a big deal about a cheap outfit? Answer that. Why can't you just toss it?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> Ok, why are you making such a big deal about a cheap outfit? Answer that. Why can't you just toss it?


Because it's hers, and there's memories attached. It's not enough memories for me to hoard, but enough for me not to chuck unless it's salvos or something - which I can but I would prefer if it returns rightfully to her.

Like another example of me not being able to chuck stuff is that I still keep the smartphone me and my ex-gf got together (the one before ex-fiancee) - it was a twin set! And hell I didn't even love that one, she was a 'promoted' FWB but there's still memories there. I'm never going to chuck it though it's old and I'll never use it again, I have plenty! We still had good memories there.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Enigma32

Ah hell screw it I just gonna mail it now and be done with it, sorry bro lol
She may hate me she may not, either way, I'm happier doing it and I'd rather be happy with a clear head for my date this weekend.

EDIT: Done  

Shame about the photos, but oh well. Think this thread has run its course. Cheers guys for all the replies!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'm just going to be straight here. This whole thing is a painful read with equal parts pathetic and desperate.

It really seems as if the outfit is far more important to you than it is to her, and I am not buying at all that it is because you "just want her to have it back because it is hers." There are clearly unresolved issues on your part and it would probably be a good idea to explore why she is still taking up so much emotional real estate that a simple outfit that she doesn't care about would be causing you so much angst.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> I'm just going to be straight here. This whole thing is a painful read with equal parts pathetic and desperate.
> 
> It really seems as if the outfit is far more important to you than it is to her, and I am not buying at all that it is because you "just want her to have it back because it is hers." There are clearly unresolved issues on your part and it would probably be a good idea to explore why she is still taking up so much emotional real estate that a simple outfit that she doesn't care about would be causing you so much angst.


Well, it's gone now 🤷‍♂️

Already explained myself why I didn't want to just chuck it.

If that makes me pathetic and desperate to want to cherish our memories whatever. 

Don't really care about image with people of no consequence like my ex. 

Either way considering how it turned out this chapter of my life is over, sour taste unlike my other exs but meh.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> @Enigma32
> 
> Ah hell screw it I just gonna mail it now and be done with it, sorry bro lol
> She may hate me she may not, either way, I'm happier doing it and *I'd rather be happy with a clear head for my date this weekend*.
> ...


I am not suggesting this facetiously, or rhetorically here...

Perhaps you should run this whole situation by your date this weekend, and see what their take on it is. See what their advice would be.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> I am not suggesting this facetiously, or rhetorically here...
> 
> Perhaps you should run this whole situation by your date this weekend, and see what their take on it is. See what their advice would be.


WHAT? No way! 
She's someone OF consequence! 😆 

Not going to involve her or anyone else with this crap that doesn't concern her. Besides, it's done.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think keeping articles of clothing and such is 10% “it puts the lotion on its skin” level.

With that said I’m not a trophy or photo collector. The one thing I wanted I don’t know where it ended up and it was a literal trophy for something I worked on reaching 3x platinum in sales. All I have from that project is a crappy marketing poster and I didn’t have anyone sign it.

Most signed stuff I have had I gave away to fans. Not a big memory collector or picture taker except of FOOD. My picture collection is almost all food and alcohol and an occasional picture of my wife if I think she’ll like it.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

I understand what you mean about wanting the photos, videos etc. I'm 55 now and deleted every single photo etc of me with my exes when we broke up. Now I wish I had kept some, not because I'm thinking of them because some of the photos were when I was a lot younger. I have no photos of myself from before 2010 (previous relationships) and would have been nice to look back on my younger years etc. Hope you can now close this chapter and have many happy and fun memories to come with lots of photographs.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> WHAT? No way!
> She's someone OF consequence! 😆
> 
> Not going to involve her or anyone else with this crap that doesn't concern her. Besides, it's done.


Is it really done though?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> Is it really done though?


Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

I've cleaned up my apartment and boxed away all the memories that were hiding in the sofa storage compartment and in my closet, transferred the photos and videos I did have to cloud, which led to the realisation of what I was missing and all this crap in the first place. Got rid of all the trash and mailed what's not.

I had thought there was a possibility once all the emotions settle that we could be friends again like with other exs in my life but you know how that went. There's nothing left, not even friendship, whatever the reason. She's no longer recognisable to me.

I did what I had to do, I always have.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> No woman wants your exes momentous in their face. Is this real? The next woman needs to except your affection for ex? Strange


Funny....recently women we're getting pissy about a guy saying get rid of old photos of ex's and love letters from past lovers. But that is just memories! I say git rid of all of it. I say, you are not with those past relationships, quit holding on to the ex, let them go.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> Funny....recently women we're getting pissy about a guy saying get rid of old photos of ex's and love letters from past lovers. But that is just memories! I say git rid of all of it. I say, you are not with those past relationships, quit holding on to the ex, let them go.


Yes, but it's good to remember what made you who you are. There's certainly things that would go too far or prominent placement that would go too far, but it's nice to remember when you were young and look back with new perspective. But I do think people have a right to their memories and photos.

They don't need to be yanking off to them like a monkey in a zoo, though!! Bad form!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I asked like... once 

Honestly it was quite insulting how she reacted but whatever, like I mentioned, no consequence, sure she had her reasons.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I asked like... once
> 
> Honestly it was quite insulting how she reacted but whatever, like I mentioned, no consequence, sure she had her reasons.


As has been expressed on here, some people want zero contact post-breakup. For a myriad of reasons, mostly good reasons. Myself, I want them to disappear from the face of the earth for 10 years and then come have a laugh. Rarely works out that way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> As has been expressed on here, some people want zero contact post-breakup. For a myriad of reasons, mostly good reasons. Myself, I want them to disappear from the face of the earth for 10 years and then come have a laugh. Rarely works out that way.


I know, that's why I'm trying not to take it to heart. Besides it's done, have more pressing concerns right now in regards to the two current women in my life, and the WTF in the middle of the night.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, but it's good to remember what made you who you are. There's certainly things that would go too far or prominent placement that would go too far, but it's nice to remember when you were young and look back with new perspective. But I do think people have a right to their memories and photos.
> 
> They don't need to be yanking off to them like a monkey in a zoo, though!! Bad form!


I know what made me who I am. I don't want photos laying around to remind me of the worthless women I had in my past.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> They don't need to be yanking off to them like a monkey in a zoo, though!! Bad form!


😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Meet them in passing so they can see what they missed. More muscle than ever had in my life and so I can say, to them. Time has not been good to you has it? I will not even accept their friend requests on FB. They are history...they need to stay in the past.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> I know what made me who I am. I don't want photos laying around to remind me of the worthless women I had in my past.


I'm not bitter to the extent you are. I realize when people are young they can be reckless and hurt other people and that not every relationship can bloom into a lifelong one. I genuinely liked a few of my people from the past.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm not bitter to the extent you are. I realize when people are young they can be reckless and hurt other people and that not every relationship can bloom into a lifelong one. I genuinely liked a few of my people from the past.


Not bitter, just realize some people were never worth your time in the first place. Like the song, thank God for unanswered prayers. Dodged a lot of bullets back then.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> Not bitter, just realize some people were never worth your time in the first place. Like the song, thank God for unanswered prayers. Dodged a lot of bullets back then.


Well, yeah, there's always that. Lots of that.


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