# found this site at 2am and felt hope for the first time



## lostbutnotalone (Jan 30, 2013)

I'm a 25 good looking guy and I've been engaged this girl now for just over two years. I've only choosen to be in a few serious relationships (single digits still) and never been big on the "casual sex" thing, it just doesn't give me the same feeling as when you're connected with someone.... so I don't date just anyone. And this is the only time I've been engaged... I take commitment very seriously 

I'll try to keep this post short but I really need help... and after reading these threads I finally feel I might get some answers...


I've never cheated because the first "relationship" I had I was cheated on and forgave, just to be hurt again. That being said I dated a woman for over four years and never felt anything like I do/did for this one.

She's everything you could hope for. Or so I thought..

I had told her cheating was the one thing I couldn't tolerate in a relationship and we spent 10+ hours everyday together till I got back to work in June. We made a mutual couple friend who we hung out with 2-3 times a week at the start of Sept. By the end of Oct the couple had split and we remained social with the male... 

My girl wasn't working and I had a m-f night shift job, so naturally I became to trusting and was OK with them hanging out alone after I left for work at 9pm... 

Well new years the three of us headed down to her dads and I worked remotely from her dads office that night (someone has to pay the bills). And around 2am I come out and find the love of my life with her face smashed on his full on making out. I confronted her and she swore it was a mistake and that's the first time.... I was crushed so I left alone and went back to the apt we share (she continued to mess around and had oral and regular sex with him AFTER I caught them kiss and left pissed).... we talked for almost # days straight and she swore it was only a kiss... so I forgave (she was plastered that night and she never drinks so I was willing to be fair).... even was so dumb as to try to "win back" her affection and pampered her that Friday. At this point the OM hadn't been welcome but she asked me to try to save our friendship and I finally said OK as long as it was JUST a kiss and it won't happen again we can forget it... long story short about two weeks later she confessed... impulsively even prehaps... that they had slept together twice and she had given him head at least three times plus tons of cuddle nights (pg ones but still emotionally intimate) ... she had real pain and regret in her eyes and every red flag in my emotional mind is telling me to get out of dodge now...


However logic deserves a say in any decision not associated with regret... that being said I'm not defending her just helping you understand the whole picture... she's never been cheated on and I honestly believe she did it purely out of intreque and taboo.... the physically part I can get past.....but not the lies... and what really scares me is after reading so many threads I see common occurances...she told me it was quick, he was small, and it was unenjoyable. she said she started crying immediately after the second time... I kn ow 

She has taken steps to show me how bad she feels. She feels taken advantage of and all I feel is sickness... I can't stop picturing the acts... and thinking how it happened when I was at work making money to pay our bills... we left everything and loaded up the car to drive 
ccross the country to start a new life as equal partners.. and I'd like to think we can make it and dispite everything I still love this woman and want it to work.... its just im writing this from a truck stop unable to stop thinking about it... and just don't have anyone to offer sound advice, everyone is so quick to judge..... 

Thank you and PS.
And do these feeling of insecurity ever fade?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi.
You are probably still in denial and shock. Don't make any decisions right now. First stage is denial, second is anger. You haven' teven hit that yet. 



> And around 2am I come out and find the love of my life with her face smashed on his full on making out. I confronted her and she swore it was a mistake and that's the first time.... I was crushed so I left alone and went back to the apt we share (she continued to mess around and had oral and regular sex with him AFTER I caught them kiss and left pissed).... we talked for almost # days straight and she swore it was only a kiss... so I forgave (she was plastered that night and she never drinks so I was willing to be fair).... even was so dumb as to try to "win back" her affection and pampered her that Friday. At this point the OM hadn't been welcome but she asked me to try to save our friendship and I finally said OK as long as it was JUST a kiss and it won't happen again we can forget it... long story short about two weeks later she confessed... impulsively even prehaps... that they had slept together twice and she had given him head at least three times plus tons of cuddle nights (pg ones but still emotionally intimate)


She has zero respect for you. This is pretty evident from your own words. I can understand the only a kiss thing but to continue AFTER you caught them is horrible.


Cheaters try and minimize the truth about their actions.

They lie to your face and will continue to do that for as long as they can get away with it.

There is so much advice for you here but the first thing you need to think about is 

Will you ever be able to forgive her? The motivation for R here is often many years together, married, shared property and children. 
You have none of those. 

I am so sorry you are here. More people will be along soon, in the meantime read a few other threads here. The stories are remarkably similar as people act in a predictable way.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Eh troll I'm sorry


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

lostbutnotalone said:


> ...she told me it was quick, *he was small, and it was unenjoyable*. she said she started crying immediately after the second time... I kn ow
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry to tell you this, but not only is she a manipulator she is a ball-faced liar. No woman goes back to have sex with a guy multiple times if it was not enjoyable.

C'mon man.....


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

The fact that she carried on after you found her kissing him (why didn't she chase after you sobbing and apologizing?) should tell you everything you need to know. You can't trust this woman and you never will again. She's not marriage material, I'm sorry. Please find someone who will respect you and love you right. I don't think this is a case where something can be "fixed" but if you think it is, you should seeking couples counseling with her. 

The fact that she says she feels taken advantage of is a big red flag. She's not owning up to her fault. She needs to show real remorse, regret and acceptance of fault.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Go with the gut. Get the he'll out of Dodge.


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## karma45 (Jan 29, 2013)

I havent posted my story yet, I havent wrapped my head around my issues.

I do have advice though. In the 4 serious relationships I had that ended with the other person cheating, it always started the same way. The early signs were there, they would be big flirts, or be over friendly with my friends etc. 

My advice is to take this as a warning sign and get out now please. 
You can forgive her, you can tell her you love her, but you need to love yourself more and go before you are in any deeper.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

karma45 said:


> I havent posted my story yet, I havent wrapped my head around my issues.
> 
> I do have advice though. In the 4 serious relationships I had that ended with the other person cheating, it always started the same way. The early signs were there, they would be big flirts, or be over friendly with my friends etc.
> 
> ...


A warning sign? She has had another mans penis in every orifice....multiple times. This not a warning sign.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Thound said:


> Go with the gut. Get the he'll out of Dodge.


Truer words were never penned.


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## karma45 (Jan 29, 2013)

Thoreau said:


> A warning sign? She has had another mans penis in every orifice....multiple times. This not a warning sign.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was referring to - a warning sign that she wont be faithful if he forgives her and gets married. That she may not change her ways at all. 

Thanks for beating me up on my first post. I guess this isnt the place for me.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Didnt mean to beat you up. My apologies. Stick around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

You're 25 years old. Why would you even consider moving forward this this trashy girl in your life ? Kick her to the curb yesterday and move on with your life.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I think you know the answer. The pain will never go away and your marriage will never be like you hoped. You told her how you felt about cheating. 

Sorry about your so called friend and your fiancé. Thankfully you found out now instead of during your honeymoon phase...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Everyone is saying it.

Your young, you will find someone else. Move on please.

About 3 weeks before my wedding my wife was searching someone online, a person I let her speak to for about 1 hour outside the house about 1 week earlier before I found the internet search. I just didn't think anything of it we were getting married in 3 weeks and assumed it was an old friend. I didn't want to be the guy that stood outside watching over his girl like he didn't trust them.

End result 14 years after that incident with 2 kids. I lost my wife to another man. We were together 19 years in total.

I love my kids to death but I should have ran away when I seen that. 

Just move on please.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

If she had any real feelings for you, she would be doing back flips a cartwheels to show you how deeply sorry she is for what she has done. In the meantime, try and get what you want from the relationship, focus on what makes you happy, and figure out how much she actually contributes to it.

You don't want to squander your youth on a woman who will eventually find herself unhappy, banging the fed ex guy.


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## Yessongs72 (Dec 6, 2012)

ditch the b1tch


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

simple, never marry a cheater.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Test her, gps her car or phone. Then break up with her and time how long it takes her to get to your friends house.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

lostbutnotalone said:


> I've never cheated because the first "relationship" I had I was cheated on and forgave, just to be hurt again.
> 
> I had told her cheating was the one thing I couldn't tolerate in a relationship and we spent 10+ hours everyday together till I got back to work in June. We made a mutual couple friend who we hung out with 2-3 times a week at the start of Sept. By the end of Oct the couple had split and we remained social with the male... Not a good idea.
> 
> ...


 I have a 25 year old son, I would tell him the exact same thing I have written here. You shouldn't settle for a relationship without trust, respect and faithfulness. Please do not marry this woman. Please leave this woman and work on your "picker" cause clearly is it malfunctioning..


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Leave her at the next truck stop and keep going.
I could write a book on why you should do this, but I'm too lazy.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Do not settle for less. Luckily you are not yet married. If you stay with her, she will make your life a living hell. Your option is do you want to die from an std or not? She is ill, don't choose to be ill with her. She will destroy your life. It is utter wickedness that she wanted her sexual pleasure first while you were at your apartment emotionally distraught. Cut all contact and run, show her your back. Her having a heart for you is like a shark with a bloody fish. Let her figure out why.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If you take her back now, you set the stage for your marriage to be nothing but walked on. She doesn't respect you already and will respect you even less for taking her back.

You caught her red handed and she still continued to get physical with him instead of chasing you out the door??? 

Yeah...ditch the b!tch.


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## HusbandX (Jul 13, 2012)

You loaded up the car to drive across the country to be "equal partners"? Like that will magically make the painful memories fade, or mean she will never cheat again?

The guy she slept with you knew for a few months, there will be many opportunities for you to meet new people together and the precedent has been set, why would changing locations help resolve anything?

Get out of there now, before you get even further into commitment. Why would you want to save this toxic relationship? She doesn't even work, what's the appeal?


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## HusbandX (Jul 13, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Eh troll I'm sorry


Based on?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I think you need to give her one more chance. My reason for saying this is because she is obviously a very compassionate gal who merely fell prey to a master manipulator.
Guys who are "small" are expert in getting women to try to help them overcome their fears of inadequacy and she was obviously one of these women for no other reason that she had sexual encounters more than three times.
The others are just trying to get you to be mean to her.
:bsflag:


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

lostbutnotalone said:


> I'm a 25 good looking guy and I've been engaged this girl now for just over two years. I've only choosen to be in a few serious relationships (single digits still) and never been big on the "casual sex" thing, it just doesn't give me the same feeling as when you're connected with someone.... so I don't date just anyone. And this is the only time I've been engaged... I take commitment very seriously
> 
> I'll try to keep this post short but I really need help... and after reading these threads I finally feel I might get some answers...
> 
> ...


Okay I'm going to be brutally blunt here. She will cheat on you often. You're a paycheck. If you lost your job and couldn't work and she had to support you, she'd drop you like a hot potatoe. 

The fact that you caught them AND SHE CONTINUED and then wants to "save the friendship". REALLY?!?! REALLY?!?! Dude, she was banging him before she's admitted and she'll bang him again if the opportunity presented itself. You were and are right to say, infidelity = done. Your not married, you don't have kids with her. Cut your losses. I hate to say this but marriage is harder than dating. What do you think will happen when you've been married for 10 years.

Also look at the pain and suffering SHE CAUSED you. Is the high of her love greater than this pain? Relationships should equal a final positive in what it brings you. You're at best break even.

Drive her back, dump her, get your job back and start fresh.

I know you don't have a lot of confidence with women and this is why you're willing to accept this behavior. Go see a counselor, trust me it's worth it. Learn to love yourself and being okay being alone. Realize your worth in a relationship and then go find a woman who also sees that.

Not all women will mash their face in another man's crotch after saying "good night" to their supposed significant other.

Do you realize what kind of lack of morals and commitment it takes to make out with some dude while YOU'RE IN THE OTHER ROOM?!?! WOW!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"I had told her cheating was the one thing I couldn't tolerate in a relationship"

Yet you seem to be tolerating it. Not a good way to start a marriage... setting boundaries and then caving in when crossed.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

hookares said:


> I think you need to give her one more chance. My reason for saying this is because she is obviously a very compassionate gal who merely fell prey to a master manipulator.
> Guys who are "small" are expert in getting women to try to help them overcome their fears of inadequacy and she was obviously one of these women for no other reason that she had sexual encounters more than three times.
> The others are just trying to get you to be mean to her.
> :bsflag:


1st Chance: Caught her kissing the OM in the next room.
2nd Chance: She stayed behind and finished sex act with OM.

She blew it by blowing.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

You are standing at a junction wit two roads one a happy life with a faithful women second the life of a cuckold with a cheating wh0re. 
You saw her true colour. Dont be that fool to buy unhappiness and pain at your cost.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

First, so sorry you are here. 2nd. No one is "bashing" you. You did not cheat on your partner, she did. What people on here are doing is being blunt, maybe you dont like that, but they are not bashing you. Most likely they are mad as hell at what happened to you (it happened to them and they realize the pain it is causing you) so maybe they dont temper their anger enough...... That being said, you asked for advice and are getting it, man up enough to take it for what it is...advice. Listen to it all, THEN make up your OWN mind about what you want. The problem is for the respondents is we have seen this before, and surprisingly when it comes to infidelity, there really is a play book that the Waywards seem to follow. And early actions are pretty predictive of future ones. If she confesses to 2 sex acts be assured that the number is probably closer to 20. Thats how it goes. 
I like you at first put the blame on me as well as my XW, in fact was taking the majority of it. Only after I had time to analyze what really happened, got ALL the information, did I realize that I was responsible in part for my poor marriage, but not at all responsible for her affair. Think this thru, but realize that she does NOT respect you, realize that there are plenty of good women out there who wont do this to you. Good luck. But dont be so thin skinned about the response here, we all have your back and are sorry for your situation.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

lostbutnotalone said:


> I'm a 25 good looking guy and I've been engaged this girl now for just over two years. I've only choosen to be in a few serious relationships (single digits still) and never been big on the "casual sex" thing, it just doesn't give me the same feeling as when you're connected with someone.... so I don't date just anyone. And this is the only time I've been engaged... I take commitment very seriously
> 
> I'll try to keep this post short but I really need help... and after reading these threads I finally feel I might get some answers...
> 
> ...


You should be on your knees thanking your deity of choice that you discovered this suppurating lesion on her character long before she had the legal and emotional wherewithal to rob you of your dignity, your home, your children and decades of your hard-earned.

The only thing your former, and probably late if I'd been in your situation, friend took advantage of is your (former, if you've got an ounce of sense) fiancée's fondness for consequence-free penetration. Her only regret is that she got caught, and that she's lost what she expected to be her nice milquetoast meal-ticket before she could legally hold for hostage every last thing he emotionally and materially values. Don't walk; don't run; hop a bullet train and never look back.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

This is getting rediculous.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Cheaters lie.
It was small so she put in her mouth cuz she thought is was cute. They had sex twice but the *second* time she cried cuz she felt bad.

It wasn't unenjoyable, she worship that big thing cuz she was amazed at the size and she was crying, cuz he tore her up.

Your chick wants to remain friend with this guy so she can have her cake and eat it to. She still wants this guy around cuz it was enjoyable. 

From were I'm sitting if this was so unenjoyable then not only would she hate her self for being manipualted, she would hate this gross man that made her do the thing s she didn't want to do.

This is not the case. She still wants that friendship and this wasn't a one time event...it was worth a second go around. If she hates her self at all, she hates her self for getting caught.

Cheaters lie !


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

It's not like the POSOM's size mattered. Even if the guy was the size of a thimble it doesn't make it any less of a betrayal. You don't measure infertility by inches - it's not horseshoes.


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## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Leave her at the truck stop and get on with your life without her. Your mention you were engaged? If there's a ring, get it back.


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