# GF went out with another guy



## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went out with another guy.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

El Guapo said:


> Do I keep walking?


Yep, I'd be looking for a new gf in her 30s, what does a 55yo woman offer you?
Companionship? are you lonely? Someone to talk to? .......... a Yellow Labrador can provide that much better.

Sorry, I'm a bit baffled.
When my 50yo wife of 30 years divorced me, I was immediately out dating women in their 20s.
(I've settled on women in their early 30s now)


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

El Guapo said:


> My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.
> 
> Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally ****** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?
> 
> ...


<slips on MGTOW hat>

You’re being gaslit, bro. Women don’t like having options taken away from them, but not so much that they’ll chase them down when they have plenty of others readily available.

Drop her everywhere and go grey rock — no more calls, texts, emails, smoke signals… nothing.

Stop looking at her social media — block her if it helps you.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

She’s not your girlfriend if she goes on dates with other men. Apparently she was never your girlfriend, since she wants to be free to date others. You mistakenly believed she was more committed than she really was.

You can either you keep dating her casually, knowing she’ll be dating others and you should be too, or just walk. Either way, she’s not actually your girlfriend and doesn’t seem like she wants to be.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Girls like her, you want to be the guy friend (if anything) not the boyfriend. The fact that she even went out with other men, then went on to talk about you being hurt and vulnerable, that just shows she has ZERO respect for you. 

You need to gather up what is left of your dignity and walk away from this girl. She's for the streets.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Ghost her.

It was just a friend is the biggest lie told!

Cmon man!!!! Don’t waste a second on this.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

It looks like it was more that you saw her as your girlfriend but she didn’t see you as her boyfriend. Just move on without looking back. Also, stop looking at her social media. 

We have a thread of a guy who was dating a girl for 2 years , who went back to her husband. He went ghost. Went to Spain for a month, taking music lessons and within 2 weeks is hooking up with a dancer 20 years younger than him. Now we can’t all leave the country for a month but there’s a lesson there for you. Get busy with your life.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Just block her on everything. There’s nothing to talk about. Only you can keep yourself in this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Yep, I'd be looking for a new gf in her 30s, what does a 55yo woman offer you?
> Companionship? are you lonely? Someone to talk to? .......... a Yellow Labrador can provide that much better.
> 
> Sorry, I'm a bit baffled.
> ...


 What a disgusting thing to say. A 55 year old woman can offer just the same as a 55 year old man.
Thankfully my husband was more that happy to date and marry a woman the same age as him as are many other decent men. Not every man wants to date someone who could be their daughter. Some want a partner who is equal and shares life experience. A woman who isn't going to abandon him when their partner is old and they are still quite young which happens a lot. Someone with who they have things in common.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

After 5 months she surely knew that the relationship was considered to be exclusive. 
I don't think you can trust her and her apology wasn't an apology.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

El Guapo said:


> My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.
> 
> Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally ****** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?
> 
> ...


Do you talk about exclusivity? I mean nowadays people date and see others until they decide to be exclusive. I think these things have to be discussed. Five months entitles you to very little.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Yep, I'd be looking for a new gf in her 30s, what does a 55yo woman offer you?
> Companionship? are you lonely? Someone to talk to? .......... a Yellow Labrador can provide that much better.
> 
> Sorry, I'm a bit baffled.
> ...


My question is what does a 50+ man have to offer a woman in her 30's (except perhaps his wallet and a retirement fund). Just saying.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

aine said:


> My question is what does a 50+ man have to offer a woman in her 30's (except perhaps his wallet and a retirement fund). Just saying.


Well, I (53) offered my woman (32), a high school/university education, her daughter a high school/university education, free and clear ownership of her family farm (a home for her mother), a son together, no more beatings (from the men she previously lived with) and a financially stable and secure modern home and future .......... and maybe love.

12 years later we're both still here, so she must have thought that offer 'good enough'.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Well, I (53) offered my woman (32), a high school/university education, her daughter a high school/university education, free and clear ownership of her family farm (a home for her mother), a son together, no more beatings (from the men she previously lived with) and a financially stable and secure modern home and future .......... and maybe love.
> 
> 12 years later we're both still here, so she must have thought that offer 'good enough'.


Thats what she said, wallet.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Cut her loose. The line about your vulnerability and being sorry about her honesty hurting you means she will hide it next time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@El Guapo when you say you’re dating this woman what exactly do you mean. Are you sleeping with her, staying over in each other’s homes, going out together in public as a couple?
Or are you imagining something that isn’t really there?


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

El Guapo said:


> My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.
> 
> Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally ****** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?
> 
> ...


Dude....5 months is NOTHING.
What I mean is...you haven't known her that long, you may have been developing feelings for her but because it is 5 months and not 5 years it is much easier to just walk away with minimal pain. 

I'm mad and upset for you. After 5 months I would have definitely considered things exclusive meaning SHE CHEATED on you. I don't know the specifics of what you two had talked about. Are you a two a couple, are you exclusive. Had you two been dating only casually with the clear understanding you'd still see other people? I don't know any of that. For me, it is hard to imagine dating someone for 5 months and it still being ok to date others. 

Have you been intimate with her....had sex? If so then I'd most definitely consider it a monogamous situation. No other men....no dating other people. 

So, unless there are other details you've left out that would change things, I believe she was 100% unfaithful by dating other men while with you. She cheated 100% and my stance is you drop a cheater every time. You dump them, walk away, be done with her. If it had been 5 months, 5 years, 15 years.....you dump/divorce a cheater every time. Staying with a cheater is unimaginable to me. 

You did the right thing, in my opinion, by ending things. I 100% support this decision and I'd urge you to stay away from her and do not engage with any of her attempts to keep dating and her acting as if she isn't and unfaithful cheater. 

Did you tell her you were ending things and why? If she asks why you are pulling away I'd bluntly state "you went out with other men....that is unfaithful to me....I don't date cheaters....bye-bye" 

Good luck. 
3.5 Billion other women out there. Plenty of good ones for you.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Not every man wants to date someone who could be their daughter.


Pay attention to his flag and you'll realise where he had to go to find a younger model...


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> What a disgusting thing to say. A 55 year old woman can offer just the same as a 55 year old man.
> Thankfully my husband was more that happy to date and marry a woman the same age as him as are many other decent men. Not every man wants to date someone who could be their daughter. Some want a partner who is equal and shares life experience. A woman who isn't going to abandon him when their partner is old and they are still quite young which happens a lot. Someone with who they have things in common.


 A grown up woman can offer to a grown up man much more than any other younger one.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Don't give her another second of your time OP. She doesn't deserve it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

aine said:


> My question is what does a 50+ man have to offer a woman in her 30's (except perhaps his wallet and a retirement fund). Just saying.


Well, you see, we’re like a fine wine. We get better with a bit of age.

My wife was remarking to me yesterday that I have few gray hairs, but I do have some in my facial hair. She was saying it looks good though and is adding character whereas if she has a gray hair, no character, it’s pure bad.

I tell her the first part is right for sure, I do look good.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Stay walked away my friend.

It's a five month relationship and she is pulling this **** - you owe her nothing.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

What makes her your "girlfriend"? Is that your definition or has exclusivity been discussed? How often do you see each other? Are you having sex? 

Just because you have known her for five months doesn't mean you two are in a committed relationship. I think more details are needed.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Cooper said:


> What makes her your "girlfriend"? Is that your definition or has exclusivity been discussed? How often do you see each other? Are you having sex?
> 
> Just because you have known her for five months doesn't mean you two are in a committed relationship. I think more details are needed.


Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together. 
We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hinterdir said:


> REDACTED BY MODERATOR


It's in reply to an offensive and very rude post about the crazy idea that a woman in her 50's has nothing to offer a man in his 50's. She has just as much to offer as he has.
In many cases more.
Good company. Intelligent conversation. Assets. Money. Sex. Deep friendship. Companionship. Laughter. Love.



In Absentia said:


> Pay attention to his flag and you'll realise where he had to go to find a younger model...


Yes I noticed that. Women from poor countries jump at a western guy with money. Many such men can't get a woman in their own country, so they go shopping.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> I don't think I've every heard anything that stupid. Ain't many guys around with a woman that doesn't expect and require as much, unless he's lucky enough to get a sugar momma. The old broads are just as high maintenance as the younger babes. Its El Guapo with a 55 year old broad that's out looking for and sampling other guys for his replacement. Elwood ain't on here complaining his squeeze is out banging other guys, and he's not having to hear, "It hurts my back when you bend my legs back like that". El Guapo's old spunker met the douche bag when he said he wanted a relationship. BTW, a 55 year old broad is a young chick to me. Nevertheless, my advise to El Guapo is ditch the old bag.


Come on now. Haven't you seen all those documentaries about western men who go shopping for brides in poor countries because they can't hack a relationship with a woman who is more their equal? 
These ladies throw themselves at them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

El Guapo said:


> Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together.
> We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).


It's not odd in and of itself. Not everyone jumps quickly into a sexual relationship. However After 5 months you would expect to be monogamous.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together.
> We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).


If you weren't sexual in 5 months, then YOU are "just a friend."


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> If you weren't sexual in 5 months, then YOU are "just a friend."


Not always but usually.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Yes I noticed that. Women from poor countries jump at a western guy with money. Many such men can't get a woman in their own country, so they go shopping.


It's a transaction, apparently. She gets a good lifestyle, he gets the sex and then nothing if they divorce.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

El Guapo said:


> We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me.


You are telling us this now?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Come on now. Haven't you seen all those documentaries about western men who go shopping for brides in poor countries because they can't hack a relationship with a woman who is more their equal?
> These ladies throw themselves at them.


Of course. Every person in a relationship is constantly tallying the value of the other person. The chicks in these scenarios are sizing up the man and what he can do for them and if what they get is worth have to sleep with him, at least until she can replace him,. and the men are placing a value on the chick as to what she can do for his sexual gratification. Oftentimes he treats her like a feutal Lord treated a peasant girl. If they get more out of the relationship than that, all's well and good. As they say, "No fool like and old fool".


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Good company. Intelligent conversation. Assets. Money. Sex. Deep friendship. Companionship. Laughter. Love.


I'm in. Sign me up.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Of course. Every person in a relationship is constantly tallying the value of the other person. The chicks in these scenarios are sizing up the man and what he can do for them and if what they get is worth have to sleep with him, at least until she can replace him,. and the men are placing a value on the chick as to what she can do for his sexual gratification. Oftentimes he treats her like a feutal Lord treated a peasant girl. If they get more out of the relationship than that, all's well and good. As they say, "No fool like and old fool".


Yes agreed. Sad really.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It looks to me that her use of 'relationship' was an attempt to get some kind of commitment from you. Telling you all about it was her way of communicating her wants. Immature? Yes.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Yep, I'd be looking for a new gf in her 30s, what does a 55yo woman offer you?
> Companionship? are you lonely? Someone to talk to? .......... a Yellow Labrador can provide that much better.
> 
> Sorry, I'm a bit baffled.
> ...


This is SILLINESS, Harvey...but it doesn't offend me at all. As a woman who is getting close to 55yrs old, I am happy that men who believe like you do aren't lying about how they feel, so the men who DO value me are easy to find.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Had you both agreed to be exclusive?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Not always but usually.


I would say always. 

What makes our special someone special? What separates our primary relationship from any other friend, buddy, coworker or associate? 

I think these two pretty much had each other in the friendzone only he thought it was something much more. 

Why else would she openly admit to seeing other guys and why else would she placate him with the "I appreciate your vulnerability"? 

She thought he was one of her girlfriends and that's why she was sitting there over lattes telling him about this guy she went out with that wanted to have a relationship with her but he wasn't her cup of tea. 

And what does she do after he has his little snit over her dating other dudes? She goes on about her life hanging out with her friends and carrying on as if nothing happened. 

I know this is sad and upsetting for him, but this "relationship" and her being his "girlfriend" was in his head. It was a whole other reality to her. 

Now as they were seeing each other a couple times a week for months, she obviously did enjoy his company (or at least the meals and drinks he was probably paying for) But by his own admission wasn't sexual and by his own admission wasn't sexual on his part. That's a friend. 

Let me put it this way - if they were in a full-service relationship with sex and discussions of boundaries and exclusivity and the future etc,,, would she have just casually mentioned her dates with other men over cheesecake???? 

No. She would've been on the down low and covering her tracks and lying about it and if he had busted her and threatened to leave she would have been backpeddling and begging for forgiveness and another chance etc etc etc. 

So no, she did not see him as a BF or a serious real relationship or any kind of exclusivity or anything like that at all. She enjoyed the free meals and drinks and the companionship and entertainment. But she did not see them as a real couple. 

And I really can't say that I blame her. What healthy dates a woman for 5 months asexually? And if he had some kind of personal or religious convictions against premarital sex, he would have discussed that with her and explained that with her and would have had some kind of romantic/sexual contact that was still within his value system. 

Someone that you meet for lattes and discuss politics and economy and current events and work struggles and other dates and potential suitors with is a girlfriend. In the OP's case, he was a girlfriend that has male genitalia.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> She has just as much to offer as he has.
> In many cases more.


Nope....and....


Diana7 said:


> Good company. Intelligent conversation. Assets. Money. Sex. Deep friendship. Companionship. Laughter. Love.


I get this with my wife who is 10 years my junior, and I had it with my previous girlfriends who were as much as 14 years my junior. I can sure as **** tell you it wasn't for my wallet, with being divorced and paying child support. I don't go for ditzy gold diggers either (well married now so it's out of the question).

In all honesty I just got really turned off by older women as most of the good ones had already been taken. 

Oh...BTW, my first reply up top was just a joke. I'm sure there are women my age that offer that in spades, it just didn't break that way for me.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> It looks to me that her use of 'relationship' was an attempt to get some kind of commitment from you. Telling you all about it was her way of communicating her wants. Immature? Yes.


I guess that could be a possibility but I don't believe it is the case here. 

The much more simple explanation is that she simply did not not see the relationship with the OP as an actual relationship and she was just talking to him about some guys she had some dates with like she would be talking to one of her girlfriends about. 

She obviously did not see this as a serious, exclusive, dating relationship. 

The simplest answer is usually the most accurate one and this case the more simple answer is that she did not see their relationship as serious or exclusive rather than it being some manipulative conspiracy to get him to commit. 

Besides, it sounds like he was already pretty committed and was taking the relationship seriously. Definitely more serious than she was.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> I guess that could be a possibility but I don't believe it is the case here.
> 
> The much more simple explanation is that she simply did not not see the relationship with the OP as an actual relationship and she was just talking to him about some guys she had some dates with like she would be talking to one of her girlfriends about.
> 
> ...


One of the first things she said after she realized I was mad was: “Do I suspect that you are interested in dating? Like dating only each other?”

I wasn’t sure how to take this. Like she was happy to discover that I had more feelings for her than she thought. Or she did it to make me jealous. Or it was her way of justifying it. Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud, this was a **** test. Move on or you’ll get more.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> One of the first things she said after she realized I was mad was: “Do I suspect that you are interested in dating? Like dating only each other?”
> 
> I wasn’t sure how to take this. Like she was happy to discover that I had more feelings for her than she thought. Or she did it to make me jealous. Or it was her way of justifying it. Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off.


Oh boy, where to even start. 

I've had similar things happen with girls............ when I was 16. 

The most simple and basic way I can put this is you have put her in the friendzone and she has not seen you as a legit love interest because you have been so passive and sexually inert. She sees you as one of her girlfriends because you have been behaving as one of her girlfriends. 

You have not been the leader in this relationship. I'm not sure you have even been present. 

I am not trying to be a jerk here, this is an honest question - have you ever been in a real relationship with a woman before?? A sexual relationship???


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

El Guapo said:


> Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together.
> We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).





El Guapo said:


> One of the first things she said after she realized I was mad was: “Do I suspect that you are interested in dating? Like dating only each other?”
> 
> I wasn’t sure how to take this. Like she was happy to discover that I had more feelings for her than she thought. Or she did it to make me jealous. Or it was her way of justifying it. Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off.


Because she doesn’t want you that way. When you’re spending time with a woman, you’re either her boyfriend (even if just for the night) or her girlfriend. If you’re not having sex, you’re her girlfriend. You were just the asexual male friend that gave her attention, companionship and listened to whatever she needed to talk about. A male girlfriend.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

El Guapo said:


> Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together.
> We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).


Whether on not she was your GF in your mind, what she did was upsetting to you. Of course, *she had every right to go on a date*, because you two were clearly not exclusive, and clearly not a couple. You hadn't had sex, which seems highly unusual if you're a couple and she's your GF. Of course she isn't that upset - you are a fairly new but great friend, but she doesn't see you as romantically interested in her and _there was no commitment!_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

El Guapo said:


> Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together.
> We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).


Wait… five months and no sex?

She likely didn’t think that you saw her as your girlfriend, or at least not exclusively.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> Oh boy, where to even start.
> 
> I've had similar things happen with girls............ when I was 16.
> 
> ...


Have I ever been in a sexual relationship? Are you serious? Every relationship before this one has had a level of sexualness. Some of them have been only sex. I’ve had ex-GF’s message me right before they get married to see if there’s a chance of getting back together. I’ve had a few message me after they get married, either feeling me out or straight up wanting to hook up and cheat on their husband. I’m usually pretty aware of the games being played. But yeah, I was patient with this one.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

DudeInProgress said:


> Because she doesn’t want you that way. When you’re spending time with a woman, you’re either her boyfriend (even if just for the night) or her girlfriend. If you’re not having sex, you’re her girlfriend. You were just the asexual male friend that gave her attention, companionship and listened to whatever she needed to talk about. A male girlfriend.


Could be that he just didn’t make a move. 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

El Guapo said:


> Have I ever been in a sexual relationship? Are you serious? Every relationship before this one has had a level of sexualness. Some of them have been only sex. I’ve had ex-GF’s message me right before they get married to see if there’s a chance of getting back together. I’ve had a few message me after they get married, either feeling me out or straight up wanting to hook up and cheat on their husband. I’m usually pretty aware of the games being played.


Would you say you’ve had a _plethora_ of girlfriends?

🤔😄😆

Sorry, couldn’t resist. 😄


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> . Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off.


Let's keep using the girlfriend with a penis analogy here. 

What would a woman do if she was out with one of her girlfriends talking about their work issues and gossiping about mutual friends and talking about the prices of ice cream and then at the end of the day, her girlfriend tried to make out with her?? 

I suspect that is what is taking place here. You are being passive and sexually inert 99% of the time while you are with her and then try to hit her like a hurricane as you are calling it a night. I've been married almost 26 years and my wife would be taken aback if I did that too. To go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye at the end of a date is creepy. 

What you are discussing here is largely a matter of game and of frame and you have neither. This is why I asked if you have ever had a real relationship before. These are things that inexperienced teenagers have to work through. 

It's ok to have personal values that do not include PIV sex outside of marriage. Some women will even find that an honorable and desirable trait. But for real relationship and for it to be a special relationship and for you to be a special someone, you still have to be a sexual being and sexuality still has to be a component of the relationship. 

One needs to assert their boundaries in accordance with their personal value and belief system, but if their behavior is one of asexuality, then those relationships are going to be just friends and associates.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> Would you say you’ve had a _plethora_ of girlfriends?
> 
> 🤔😄😆
> 
> Sorry, couldn’t resist. 😄


Haha. I know that scene. Yes, for about five years a dated a lot. It was too much time and emotional energy, too much drama, too many games. I eventually got tired of it and took a break for a couple years to focus on myself and other things. She’s the first one I’ve dated after the break. She approached me.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> Let's keep using the girlfriend with a penis analogy here.
> 
> What would a woman do if she was out with one of her girlfriends talking about their work issues and gossiping about mutual friends and talking about the prices of ice cream and then at the end of the day, her girlfriend tried to make out with her??
> 
> ...


I usually don’t argue with people giving me advice, even if the advice hurts. But you make some assumptions that I don’t think are accurate. I don’t hit anyone like a hurricane. I have more awareness than that. I’m just trying to prolong the good night kiss. I can’t remember too many times in my dating life where it’s been rejected or cut off unless they say something after a long kissing session like “Oh my god I can’t take this anymore. You’re driving me crazy. I have to stop because my kids are here”. I don’t go from 0-100 on people.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> Have I ever been in a sexual relationship? Are you serious? Every relationship before this one has had a level of sexualness. Some of them have been only sex. I’ve had ex-GF’s message me right before they get married to see if there’s a chance of getting back together. I’ve had a few message me after they get married, either feeling me out or straight up wanting to hook up and cheat on their husband. I’m usually pretty aware of the games being played. But yeah, I was patient with this one.


OK, then you have your answer. 

Whatever you were doing with your other chicks - DO THAT! 

You tried to go Blue Pill and do what Oprah has been telling men to do and now you see how well that worked out for you. 

Glue your balls back on and do what actually works for you because this girlfriend-with-a-penis thing was NOT working for you.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> Let's keep using the girlfriend with a penis analogy here.
> 
> What would a woman do if she was out with one of her girlfriends talking about their work issues and gossiping about mutual friends and talking about the prices of ice cream and then at the end of the day, her girlfriend tried to make out with her??
> 
> ...





oldshirt said:


> Let's keep using the girlfriend with a penis analogy here.
> 
> I suspect that is what is taking place here. You are being passive and sexually inert 99% of the time while you are with her and then try to hit her like a hurricane as you are calling it a night. I've been married almost 26 years and my wife would be taken aback if I did that too. To go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye at the end of a date is creepy.



Thats fine if you want to say I’m a GF with a penis. I don’t think your opinion that I’m creepy is accurate. I just went back a read some texts. She said she feels comfortable around me and that she never feels pressured. I never pressed hard for sex but definitely was never luke warm with the affection. Not sure what else I was supposed to do other than lay down an ultimatum. Then she says she is very attracted to me. So yeah, I probably f*** up a lot of reading between the lines or something. I know I’m arguing with you but thanks for giving me some things to think about.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

The thread title is misleading. She was a friend and she’s a girl but she was never your girlfriend.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> I don’t think your opinion that I’m creepy is accurate.


You're probably not creepy as a person and I am not saying you are. 

What is creepy is being an asexual eunuch for entire dates and then coming on at the very end as you are calling it a night. 

Even married women hate when their husbands are completely asexual 90some% of the time and then try to come on like some Casanova as they're crawling into bed at the end of the day.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Trident said:


> The thread title is misleading. She was a friend and she’s a girl but she was never your girlfriend.


This is semantics but a more accurate description is he never behaved as her boyfriend.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> Whatever you were doing with your other chicks - DO THAT! [/Q


I know this sounds juvenile but I sent her a POV pic of my feet in the whirlpool tub. I kept it tasteful, no creepy sexual comments. It was on topic because we were talking about something along those lines. Usually in the past when I did this to someone I would get interested responses like “Room for two?”, “Where’s my invite?”, “That’s sexy”, “Pan out ”. I didn’t get any response from her. So yeah, I might have been in the friend zone.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> She said she feels comfortable around me and that she never feels pressured. I never pressed hard for sex but definitely was never luke warm with the affection. Not sure what else I was supposed to do other than lay down an ultimatum.


IMHO this is where things went off the rails. 

You worked to put your sexuality on the shelf and to make her comfortable and not feel pressured etc. 

But what that did was make her feel that you weren't into her sexually and that you had no sexual backbone or initiative and weak. 

Sexual attraction and desire are often very uncomfortable, and comfort and companionate friendship are often attraction and desire killers. 

You simply lost your game and your frame and were friendzoned. In this case you actually friendzoned her first. 

Some of the other posters believe that she was a cheater or a ho or even trying to manipulate you by going out with other dudes. 

I do not necessarily believe that myself. I think she felt you were not a serious love interest and were like a gay buddy and so she felt it was ok to discuss her dating life with you like she would one of her girlfriends. 

Now might there have been a part of her that was seeing how you would react to finding out she was dating others?? Yeah perhaps. 

But now that cat is out of the bag, the ball is in your court. Do you walk away? Do you continue to be her gay buddy/GF-with-a-penis, Or do you go cave man and state your objectives in this relationship and throw her legs over your shoulders and bring the thunder like you have with your other chicks that were chasing you the night before their weddings? 

That part is up to you.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> IMHO this is where things went off the rails.
> 
> You worked to put your sexuality on the shelf and to make her comfortable and not feel pressured etc.
> 
> ...


That’s heavy duty. You should charge a fee for advice like that.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> So yeah, I might have been in the friend zone.


There's no 'might' about it. IMHO this is clearly a case of mutual friendzoning. 

As far as the hot tub pictures, we need to keep in mind the difference between the girls and the boys. 

Chicks will get flirty and show some initiative and even be downright aggressive if there is already a sexual interaction in place or if they at least have a clear green light to be sexual. 

If you've been having lattes and cheesecake and discussing office politics with someone in an asexual relationship for 5 months, yeah pictures of some dude's feet is not going to get her motor running. 

You're going to have to take the bull by the horns if you want this to go anywhere and you are going to have to change your frame and bring back your game. 

If you had sent pictures of your feet and said, "I'm sitting here wishing you were with me,,,,,, and my feet aren't the only things sticking up out of the water now!" I guarantee that you would have gotten a response.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP the more of your post I read the more I come to think you spend way to much time in your own head. Don't take that as harsh critisisam, I have a tendency to do the same. 

The problem is you have created a girlfriend/relationship scenario in your head but she isn't thinking that way. Even when she asked you directly if you were upset because you thought it was only dating each other you didn't know how to react. 

You need to start verbalizing what you want and how you feel. Ask her what she wants and how she's feeling. Communicate, communicate, communicate! 

One last thing....five months and you haven't tried to have sex with her???? I would love to hear how she feels about that.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> You worked to put your sexuality on the shelf and to make her comfortable and not feel pressured etc.
> 
> But what that did was make her feel that you weren't into her sexually and that you had no sexual backbone or initiative and weak.


But you missed this bit... this is what the OP said in a previous post...

"Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off. "


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Cooper said:


> OP the more of your post I read the more I come to think you spend way to much time in your own head. Don't take that as harsh critisisam, I have a tendency to do the same.
> 
> The problem is you have created a girlfriend/relationship scenario in your head but she isn't thinking that way. Even when she asked you directly if you were upset because you thought it was only dating each other you didn't know how to react.
> 
> ...


I’m curious how she feels about it too. I did try to progress it, even if it was only longer kissing sessions at the end of the date. Never even got close to any kind of intimacy. 

Yes, you’re right. I’m totally mental, in my own head a lot. Sometimes it sabotages me. Sometimes it helps me go above and beyond myself.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> throw her legs over your shoulders and bring the thunder


😅😂🤣


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> But you missed this bit... this is what the OP said in a previous post...
> 
> "Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off. "


That’s true. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t love kissing. OK, I’ve known two that only liked instant sex and nothing afterwards, but that’s rare.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Come on now. Haven't you seen all those documentaries about western men who go shopping for brides in poor countries because they can't hack a relationship with a woman who is more their equal?
> These ladies throw themselves at them.


You're 100% right, I couldn't believe so many attractive women were throwing themselves at me.
I'd definitely recommend the OP takes a trip to South America to get over hes disappointment.
From his forum name I'm guessing he speaks some Spanish already.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

El Guapo said:


> I know this sounds juvenile but I sent her a POV pic of my feet in the whirlpool tub. I kept it tasteful, no creepy sexual comments. It was on topic because we were talking about something along those lines. Usually in the past when I did this to someone I would get interested responses like “Room for two?”, “Where’s my invite?”, “That’s sexy”, “Pan out ”. I didn’t get any response from her. So yeah, I might have been in the friend zone.


When you sent her the picture why didn’t you ask her if she wanted to play footsie?


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> You're 100% right, I couldn't believe so many attractive women were throwing themselves at me.
> I'd definitely recommend the OP takes a trip to South America to get over hes disappointment.
> From his forum name I'm guessing he speaks some Spanish already.


I’m only barely conversant in Spanish. El Guapo = the handsome one


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> But you missed this bit... this is what the OP said in a previous post...
> 
> "Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off. "


I didn't miss it. I addressed that in post #52.

Spending an entire date and 99% of time together asexual and then trying to go for a heavy make out session when dropping someone off at the end of the day did not work at age 16 and still does not work after 25 years of marriage. 

What you need to keep in mind is the OP has been working hard to NOT be sexual or come off as sexually assertive with her. He has been working to avoid sexual tension and build up for FIVE MONTHS so these dates have not been what you normally think of where people are dying to tear into each other towards the end of the date. 

He has been striving to decrease sexual tension with her, not build it up. 

So when he makes a big move at the very end of a date, it's more creepy and disturbing than welcomed and embraced.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> That’s true. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t love kissing. OK, I’ve known two that only liked instant sex and nothing afterwards, but that’s rare.


See my post immediately above. 

You've been striving to decrease and relieve sexual tension rather than build it up. 

Trying to go for a heavy make out session after actively avoiding sexual tension is counter productive. 

If you want a make out session, you have to build and develop sexual tension and desire, not avoid and decrease it.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> I didn't miss it. I addressed that in post #52.


Yes, but he was still showing sexual interest, so the fact that she was surprised he wanted to date her properly is BS... my opinion is that she doesn't find him attractive enough, sexually or as a person (it happens) hence no sex and still looking.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Well, I (53) offered my woman (32), a high school/university education, her daughter a high school/university education, free and clear ownership of her family farm (a home for her mother), a son together, no more beatings (from the men she previously lived with) and a financially stable and secure modern home and future .......... and maybe love.
> 
> 12 years later we're both still here, so she must have thought that offer 'good enough'.


Exactly, it’s all about the money, money, money, cha ching! 😆


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> This is SILLINESS, Harvey...but it doesn't offend me at all. As a woman who is getting close to 55yrs old, I am happy that men who believe like you do aren't lying about how they feel, so the men who DO value me are easy to find.


A great perspective, it weeds out the superficial


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

So, no, you weren’t a relationship — except in your mind. Tell her you’re interested since apparently your actions didn’t.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> Yes, but he was still showing sexual interest, so the fact that she was surprised he wanted to date her properly is BS... my opinion is that she doesn't find him attractive enough, sexually or as a person (it happens) hence no sex and still looking.


This is where game and frame and nuance come in.

Yes you are correct that she was not sexually attracted to him and did not sexually desire him.

But he was not doing anything to create that desire and was in fact actively working to avoid any kind of sexual overtones or build up. 

So at the end of the date, he was basically just another guy trying to score some tail. 

In her heart and mind, he may have struck her as a guy with no sincere affection or desire for her, but he just didn’t want to go home with a full tank. 

Chicks deal with guys like that all the time. 

And of course maybe she’s just not into him and was basically going out because he was buying her drinks and dinners and entertaining her.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> That’s true. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t love kissing. OK, I’ve known two that only liked instant sex and nothing afterwards, but that’s rare.


Women like kissing dudes they are attracted to have built up some tension with. 

Not guys they have just spent an entire date talking about their problems with.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> Women like kissing dudes they are attracted to have built up some tension with.
> 
> *Not guys they have just spent an entire date talking about their problems with.*


How do you know what they talk about? You don't.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP here's another question.....why haven't you tried having sex with her? You said you are taking it slow but why? 

You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> Yes, but he was still showing sexual interest, so the fact that she was surprised he wanted to date her properly is BS... my opinion is that she doesn't find him attractive enough, sexually or as a person (it happens) hence no sex and still looking.


I actually wondered that for a long time. Our first few dates really had me confused on how much she liked me. It’s like she only wanted to hug good night until I finally just did it. She was acting like she really liked it, moaning, etc. The the next time she kind of ended


Cooper said:


> OP here's another question.....why haven't you tried having sex with her? You said you are taking it slow but why?
> 
> You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?


I’ve tried to progress the physical aspect of things. We never got beyond a good night kiss. And they were short, not by my choice. I’m used to very long passionate good night kisses, sometimes turning into make out sessions, if they woman is into that. She just wouldn’t go there. I was starting to wonder if she’s one of those women that views sex with her partner as a rare treat to be given out if he’s earned it. She did say just recently that she only gets physical if she’s in a relationship. If she doesn’t see us as in a relationship then she is the only woman I’ve dated that wouldn’t have. Every other woman I’ve dated would have called that a relationship. 

Sometimes people get hung up on words. I once dated someone who was hung up on the word “commit”. She would ask me if I would commit to her. I would ask her to define that, what she meant and she would get mad, tell me to stop playing games. I just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing. I asked if it meant not date anyone else, that if so, I would not date anyone else. She would say it’s more than that. So I would ask her to tell me everything that she associates with the word “commit” but she wouldn’t or couldn’t. So much drama over words.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

On the one hand you've had approximately ten dates with her. On the other hand, she should *know* after ten dates if you're doing it for her or not. I'd toss this one back into the dating pool.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

El Guapo said:


> My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.
> 
> Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally ****** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?
> 
> ...


So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people. 

And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know. 

Unless she broke a verbal commitment you two had and not just assumptions, she's not cheating. She's just dating. I guess it's just time you had a conversation where you tell her that even though you had no agreement to be exclusive if that's the case, that maybe you two need to talk about whether you're dating or committed.

I'd advise you just date for a few more months.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Cooper said:


> OP
> 
> You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?





Blondilocks said:


> On the one hand you've had approximately ten dates with her. On the other hand, she should *know* after ten dates if you're doing it for her or not. I'd toss this one back into the dating pool.


More than 10 dates.


DownByTheRiver said:


> So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.
> 
> And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.
> 
> ...





Cooper said:


> OP here's another question.....why haven't you tried having sex with her? You said you are taking it slow but why?
> 
> You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?


Your first question answered above. The ED question. I’ve experienced it a little, mostly in the past when I let my T drop. I was on T for a while but got off because my diet and exercise have cured that for the most part. I work out a lot, health nut. Wasn’t in the past. My occasional experience with it now is all mental. Zero problems at home. No problems if I’m with someone I’m used to or feel comfortable with, super turned on. But if I’m in a situation I don’t like (crazy chick, not liking the location, etc) my brain can over ride my penis. I have experimented with drugs years ago. Of course that overkill if you just experience it in odd situations. That turns you into Superman.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> I actually wondered that for a long time. Our first few dates really had me confused on how much she liked me. It’s like she only wanted to hug good night until I finally just did it. She was acting like she really liked it, moaning, etc. The the next time she kind of ended
> 
> 
> I’ve tried to progress the physical aspect of things. We never got beyond a good night kiss. And they were short, not by my choice. I’m used to very long passionate good night kisses, sometimes turning into make out sessions, if they woman is into that. She just wouldn’t go there. I was starting to wonder if she’s one of those women that views sex with her partner as a rare treat to be given out if he’s earned it. She did say just recently that she only gets physical if she’s in a relationship. If she doesn’t see us as in a relationship then she is the only woman I’ve dated that wouldn’t have. Every other woman I’ve dated would have called that a relationship.
> ...


Of course she ended physical progression when there was no commitment. No exclusive talk no girlfriend talk. It sounds like she doesn't want to be friends with benefits and you didn't man up and let her know that you wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. So she started dating. She most likely told you in an effort to see if you even cared.

Both of you are being silly. And the world turns just as it always has.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.
> 
> And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.
> 
> ...





DownByTheRiver said:


> So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.
> 
> And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.
> 
> ...





Anastasia6 said:


> Of course she ended physical progression when there was no commitment. No exclusive talk no girlfriend talk. It sounds like she doesn't want to be friends with benefits and you didn't man up and let her know that you wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. So she started dating. She most likely told you in an effort to see if you even cared.
> 
> Both of you are being silly. And the world turns just as it always has.


Anastasia. You’re WAY off. This was not even close to a FWB relationship. We did a lot of stuff, went places, went out to eat, hiking, climbing, kayaking, to breweries, art festivals. I’ve never been in a relationship where I had to say a magic word or it doesn’t count. Nearly every other relationship I’ve been in it was just understood, respect for your partner. You sound bitter about something to lash out at me like that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

El Guapo said:


> More than 10 dates.
> 
> 
> 
> Your first question answered above. The ED question. I’ve experienced it a little, mostly in the past when I let my T drop. I was on T for a while but got off because my diet and exercise have cured that for the most part. I work out a lot, health nut. Wasn’t in the past. My occasional experience with it now is all mental. Zero problems at home. No problems if I’m with someone I’m used to or feel comfortable with, super turned on. But if I’m in a situation I don’t like (crazy chick, not liking the location, etc) my brain can over ride my penis. I have experimented with drugs years ago. Of course that overkill if you just experience it in odd situations. That turns you into Superman.


I mean don't blame yourself. There's nothing wrong with needing to take your time and trust someone before you feel like being sexual with them. But given what you just said about it I'm thinking she may be bewildered as to whether or not you are just a friend because most men just don't want to wait any time at all before having sex. And some women are perfectly willing to wait but at some point they're going to get curious and go okay does he even really like me that way or is this just friendship. 

So I don't think you have any reason to be upset with her but you do need to just have a talk and clarify your relationship and whether you are looking for a real relationship. And let her in on any sexual issues you might be having, even if it's only to say that you have to really get to know someone well and trust them before you feel sexual with them. 

Good luck.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

El Guapo said:


> One of the first things she said after she realized I was mad was: “Do I suspect that you are interested in dating? Like dating only each other?”
> 
> I wasn’t sure how to take this. Like she was happy to discover that I had more feelings for her than she thought. Or she did it to make me jealous. Or it was her way of justifying it. Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off.


@El Guapo she friend zoned you but you didn't know!


Anastasia6 said:


> Of course she ended physical progression when there was no commitment. No exclusive talk no girlfriend talk. It sounds like she doesn't want to be friends with benefits and you didn't man up and let her know that you wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. So she started dating. She most likely told you in an effort to see if you even cared.
> 
> Both of you are being silly. And the world turns just as it always has.


Naaa @Anastasia6, men are the gatekeepers for relationships and commitment, men should not ask women for exclusiveness, because if they do they can't set their boundaries and expectations, that's the grave mistake that a lot of pussified men do these days!


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

aine said:


> My question is what does a 50+ man have to offer a woman in her 30's (except perhaps his wallet and a retirement fund). Just saying.


Uh, well.......
That then, lol


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

El Guapo said:


> Anastasia. You’re WAY off. This was not even close to a FWB relationship. We did a lot of stuff, went places, went out to eat, hiking, climbing, kayaking, to breweries, art festivals. I’ve never been in a relationship where I had to say a magic word or it doesn’t count. Nearly every other relationship I’ve been in it was just understood, respect for your partner. You sound bitter about something to lash out at me like that.


Who paid on the dates?
Wondering if she just saw you as free food/drinks/entertainment.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

was there a response on why no sex in 5 months, why OP kept dating a woman he didnt want sex with it get sex from?
I read where this is the only relationship he’s had that didn’t have wild funky sex in, but I didn’t get why. And I didn’t see an answer on whether he had ED or not.

Either way, if I dated a woman 5 months and she was going out with other dudes and telling me about it, I’d no doubt drop her off from that last date that she told me about other men on, and do a burnout as I exited her driveway for the last time. You weren’t on the same wavelength. Find one that is.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Come on now. Haven't you seen all those documentaries about western men who go shopping for brides in poor countries because they can't hack a relationship with a woman who is more their equal?
> These ladies throw themselves at them.


I have a Filipino fiancee and I can assure you it's not because I can't get a woman here. For some reason, it seems to offend you in a personal way if a guy chooses to meet a woman from another culture.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

5 months of dating and no sex? I can’t wrap my head around that. You better learn some game, brother. What a waste of time and money. I’d run from this situation. She is either sexless or may think you are gay?


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> 5 months of dating and no sex? I can’t wrap my head around that. You better learn some game, brother. What a waste of time and money. I’d run from this situation. She is either sexless or may think you are gay?


I agree, if there's no sex the first date, why would you bother with a second?
(different if you're friends and split all expenses 50/50)


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I would say always.
> 
> What makes our special someone special? What separates our primary relationship from any other friend, buddy, coworker or associate?
> 
> ...


You do realize that not all couples who are in a serious relationship have sex in the first few weeks or months. Couples who go on to get married. 
That's why I said not all.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> I agree, if there's no sex the first date, why would you bother with a second?


 Because some people have moral values?
Not everyone treats sex so casually of course.


----------



## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I mean don't blame yourself. There's nothing wrong with needing to take your time and trust someone before you feel like being sexual with them.


Seems to be a very beta guy thing to do. Are there even any women out there that do this anymore? Every one I’ve known has banged on the first or second date. Then they’re surprised when they get dumped a month later.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> I agree, if there's no sex the first date, why would you bother with a second?
> (different if you're friends and split all expenses 50/50)


No one should wait 5 weeks, let alone 5 months. There’s something amuck here.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Because some people have moral values?
> Not everyone treats sex so casually of course.


Where I live there are 2 choices of moral values for a woman. 
1) You can do what you like with whom you like, but everyone will know or
2) The first time you are alone with a man (outside your immediate family) is your wedding night.

My step-daughter (now 23) has never been alone with a man, her first kiss or private conversation with a man will be with her husband on her wedding night. It was her choice.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jjj858 said:


> Seems to be a very beta guy thing to do. Are there even any women out there that do this anymore? Every one I’ve known has banged on the first or second date. Then they’re surprised when they get dumped a month later.


Yes there are countless women out there who do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Where I live there are 2 choices of moral values for a woman.
> 1) You can do what you like with whom you like, but everyone will know or
> 2) The first time you are alone with a man (outside your immediate family) is your wedding night.
> 
> My step-daughter (now 23) has never been alone with a man, her first kiss or private conversation with a man will be with her husband on her wedding night. It was her choice.


She sounds like a woman of great integrity.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> You do realize that not all couples who are in a serious relationship have sex in the first few weeks or months. Couples who go on to get married.
> That's why I said not all.


Not everyone has PIV intercourse early in a relationship or even before marriage. 

But I challenge the assertion they aren't sexual or don't have some level of sexual activity and interaction at whatever level their personal values allow. 

It is very rare for a couple to maintain an ongoing BF/GF relationship with NO sexual interaction or even discussions of sexual values and discussions of the future. 

People with strong convictions about sexuality usually communicate them and discuss their boundaries and still operate within their boundaries. 

To have NO sexual interaction and no discussions of it or any flirtation, banter, innuendo etc etc is what a friend is. 

These two basically friendzoned each other and she felt perfectly free to date whoever she pleased and I can't say that I blame her. I'm surprised he has stuck around with her for as long as he has as well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

jjj858 said:


> Seems to be a very beta guy thing to do. Are there even any women out there that do this anymore? Every one I’ve known has banged on the first or second date. Then they’re surprised when they get dumped a month later.


Surprised or relieved?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ex-girlfriend. (There solved it for you)


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Enigma32 said:


> I have a Filipino fiancee and I can assure you it's not because I can't get a woman here. For some reason, it seems to offend you in a personal way if a guy chooses to meet a woman from another culture.


I do not see how you see that in what Diana says, I live in SE Asia and see it all the time. Older white guys dating girls from Philippines, Vietnam, Thailand etc. It's an exchange, one has money, the other has her young flesh. We are all grown-ups here and this is life due to poverty over here. So I see you getting offended for Diana pointing out something that is a reality for the majority (not all, perhaps you are one of the exceptions) of such relationships, let us call a spade a spade. You can be loved a long time as long as you have the cha-ching!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Well, I (53) offered my woman (32), a high school/university education, her daughter a high school/university education, free and clear ownership of her family farm (a home for her mother), a son together, no more beatings (from the men she previously lived with) and a financially stable and secure modern home and future .......... and maybe love.
> 
> 12 years later we're both still here, so she must have thought that offer 'good enough'.


I arrest my case............you confirm it with your own words, it's all about the money money money, we want to make the world dance, its all about the cha-ching, etc etc


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

aine said:


> I arrest my case............you confirm it with your own words, it's all about the money money money, we want to make the world dance, its all about the cha-ching, etc etc


Relationships are nearly always about money.
I wonder how many dates homeless & unemployed men get?
Briffault's Law.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

aine said:


> It's an exchange, one has money, the other has her young flesh.


yes, but that's buying sex and a servant, really...


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> yes, but that's buying sex and a servant, really...


Yes, but, I've observed that some American guys have a tendency to delude themselves. They really think that a young Filipina is into them and not just for their money or (more importantly) citizenship. Every single guy I know who has a Filipina wife also eventually has at least one of her relatives living with them. It's her *job* to get her family over here.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> yes, but that's buying sex and a servant, really...


Isn't that every wife?
Did you forget the 'obey' bit of the wedding ceremony.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Isn't that every wife?
> Did you forget the 'obey' bit of the wedding ceremony.


We didn't have the "obey" thing in our ceremony...  My wife works and doesn't need me for my money or her education or for raising our children. We both contribute. We share everything. If you want to buy your sex in exchange for money and a maid, go ahead, but don't imply that everybody behaves like you do and that it's normal thing.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> Not everyone has PIV intercourse early in a relationship or even before marriage.
> 
> But I challenge the assertion they aren't sexual or don't have some level of sexual activity and interaction at whatever level their personal values allow.
> 
> ...


I agree about not having discussions about it, but lots of couples have no sexual activity till they marry. Or at least are engaged.


ElwoodPDowd said:


> Isn't that every wife?
> Did you forget the 'obey' bit of the wedding ceremony.


Thankfully most men don't marry for a sex slave and a servant. They love and respect their wives.


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Thankfully most men don't marry for a sex slave and a servant. They love and respect their wives.


Can't say I've noticed my wife being either a sex slave or a servant.
The sex is initiated more often by her (me being 65 and her being 40).
I cook all my own food, she cooks her food, my son eats about 50/50 from the both of us.
She does usually end up doing the washing up, but then I usually end up with all the DIY around the house.
She does mornings and takes our son to school, I collect him after school and look after him in the evening.

As for equals, I'd say we were fairly equal as a family ........
my wife has another 4 years to complete her degree in Political Science (half way through).
my step-daughter just finished her degree in Business Management and Logistics
my degree was in Electrical and Electronic engineering.
She has a lot of land but little money, I have a money but no land.

What is your degree in? 
As we're talking about equality?


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> We didn't have the "obey" thing in our ceremony...  My wife works and doesn't need me for my money or her education or for raising our children. We both contribute. We share everything. If you want to buy your sex in exchange of money and a maid, go ahead, but don't imply that everybody behaves like you do and that it's normal thing.


I'm interested in the 'we both contribute', usually the guy pays for the house with his wages, and she spends her wage on herself. Did she really contribute 50% of the house deposit & mortgage repayments, or is it more of a token payment at the start which quickly got forgotten. Do you get to work all hours of the day and night to support the family, while she has a token part-time job, then when you come home tired have to do half of the housework?

Husbands in the UK are more often the servants in the household.
Not much equality when I was there, but things may have changed.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

aine said:


> You can be loved a long time as long as you have the cha-ching!


Maybe, there is a phenomenon known as “too beaucoup” I don’t have it myself but some do.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> I'm interested in the 'we both contribute', usually the guy pays for the house with his wages, and she spends her wage on herself. Did she really contribute 50% of the house deposit & mortgage repayments, or is it more of a token payment at the start which quickly got forgotten. Do you get to work all hours of the day and night to support the family, while she has a token part-time job, then when you come home tired have to do half of the housework?
> 
> Husbands in the UK are more often the servants in the household.
> Not much equality when I was there, but things may have changed.


We contributed equally. At the beginning, when I had a low income job, my wife had a much better job and paid for everything. Deposit for the house was a gift from my parents. When my work improved, I paid for the mortgage and she paid for the bills. Because I was freelance, my income went up and down, so, when it was difficult for me, she stepped in. Then, with the kids, my wife went part time and I contributed more. Then she was full time again. All in all, it has always been fair and equal. We shared childcare and house chores. My wife could easily survive without me. She never wanted to be dependent on anybody. And I wouldn't have it any other way. We both grew up in families where both parents worked. Of course there are families where the relationship is unbalanced, but that's awfully old-fashioned, IMO.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> Of course there are families where the relationship is unbalanced, but that's awfully old-fashioned, IMO.


Waves ✋


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Deposit for the house was a gift from my parents. When my work improved, I paid for the mortgage and she paid for the bills.


So you paid the most then.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> So you paid the most then.


Is that all you can find?  No, they paid it. If my parents didn't give us the money, we would have saved it.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Is that all you can find?  No, they paid it. If my parents didn't give us the money, we would have saved it.


Dude, I predicted you paid the deposit & mortgage .......... and you confirmed my prediction.
What more was I supposed to find?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Dude, I predicted you paid the deposit & mortgage .......... and you confirmed my prediction.
> What more was I supposed to find?


We both paid the mortgage and my parents gave me the money for the deposit. We would have found the money regardless. In all our marriage, she repaid that many times with her contributions. You can twist it the way you want, I know the truth.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> I'm interested in the 'we both contribute', usually the guy pays for the house with his wages, and she spends her wage on herself. Did she really contribute 50% of the house deposit & mortgage repayments, or is it more of a token payment at the start which quickly got forgotten. Do you get to work all hours of the day and night to support the family, while she has a token part-time job, then when you come home tired have to do half of the housework?
> 
> Husbands in the UK are more often the servants in the household.
> Not much equality when I was there, but things may have changed.


I can tell you that although I make considerably more than my wife in terms of earnings I consider us equals. Her reduced pay is a result of me dragging her all over the world while I was in the Army, then being a stay at home mom for about 12 years. My career got to where it is because of the freedom she provided me. Also, the job she does have provides medical insurance for our family. And lastly she almost never spends on herself. She always puts the family first.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

And two pages of nothing to do with or help the OP


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> Anastasia. You’re WAY off. This was not even close to a FWB relationship. We did a lot of stuff, went places, went out to eat, hiking, climbing, kayaking, to breweries, art festivals. I’ve never been in a relationship where I had to say a magic word or it doesn’t count. Nearly every other relationship I’ve been in it was just understood, respect for your partner. You sound bitter about something to lash out at me like that.


Well lots of women get burned by men who never have the exclusive talk then to only find out there is no relationship. So have you talked about the future? Given her any indication there is a future or has it been oh I like hanging out with you. Cause you know FWB has the friendly hiking climbing dating thing. It just has no future, commitment thing.

but hey it’s ok you are sure you were boyfriend girlfriend. You are sure there was no ambiguity. Then I’d break up with her because obviously she is a cheating skank.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Not always but usually.


Or you want long term, not just hookups.


----------



## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

This women has a screw loose somewhere. If this is her thought process, I'd be very, very concerned.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well lots of women get burned by men who never have the exclusive talk then to only find out there is no relationship. So have you talked about the future? Given her any indication there is a future or has it been oh I like hanging out with you. Cause you know FWB has the friendly hiking climbing dating thing. It just has no future, commitment thing.
> 
> but hey it’s ok you are sure you were boyfriend girlfriend. You are sure there was no ambiguity. Then I’d break up with her because obviously she is a cheating skank.


To be fair, she never let him get past 'first base'. It looks like he thought she was stuck in the '50s and was respecting her boundaries. I don't know what her game is - it sure seems like she's playing a game. One thing we know - she isn't exactly into sex. Or, maybe she isn't into sex with him.

eta: she may not consider their dating activities to be romantic. Romantic to her might mean a fancy restaurant, dancing or a midnight cruise or some such. An activity that doesn't involve sweat.


----------



## CookieRookie (Aug 29, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> What a disgusting thing to say. A 55 year old woman can offer just the same as a 55 year old man.
> Thankfully my husband was more that happy to date and marry a woman the same age as him as are many other decent men. Not every man wants to date someone who could be their daughter. Some want a partner who is equal and shares life experience. A woman who isn't going to abandon him when their partner is old and they are still quite young which happens a lot. Someone with who they have things in common.


You kind of sound like you have a similar attitude to the OP's girlfriend concerning the OP's rights and feelings in relationships. Shamewashing = brainwashing.


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## CookieRookie (Aug 29, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It's in reply to an offensive and very rude post about the crazy idea that a woman in her 50's has nothing to offer a man in his 50's. She has just as much to offer as he has.
> In many cases more.
> Good company. Intelligent conversation. Assets. Money. Sex. Deep friendship. Companionship. Laughter. Love.
> 
> ...


I didn't read where OP said he was at all interested in dating males in their 50's as an alternative to the current problematic girlfriend he is involved with. So why would OP care what a hypothetical male in his 50s have to offer to him (assuming he decided to ditch his current gf?) What you are saying may be true, but isn't relevant to the thread topic.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well lots of women get burned by men who never have the exclusive talk then to only find out there is no relationship. So have you talked about the future? Given her any indication there is a future or has it been oh I like hanging out with you. Cause you know FWB has the friendly hiking climbing dating thing. It just has no future, commitment thing.
> .


She's 55. Don't be so quick to assume she wants any kind of heavy commitment. 

IMHO they've both been doing a good job of keeping each other at arm's length.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> She's 55. Don't be so quick to assume she wants any kind of heavy commitment.
> 
> IMHO they've both been doing a good job of keeping each other at arm's length.


I'm not assuming anything. Seems OP is.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

El Guapo said:


> One of the first things she said after she realized I was mad was: “Do I suspect that you are interested in dating? Like dating only each other?”
> 
> I wasn’t sure how to take this. Like she was happy to discover that I had more feelings for her than she thought. Or she did it to make me jealous. Or it was her way of justifying it. Not sure how she could mistake my intentions when I try to turn the good night kiss into a make out session every time I drop her off.


It was justifying.

I would just say, "Not any more I dont"

Or

I thought we were the past 5 months....but that ship has sailed.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

@El Guapo - when you kissed at the end of every date, did she not give you ANY indication that she wasn't into you in that way? 

I know she pushed you away when you tried to go further, but why was she even kissing you? I know you really misread some things, but that seems like a major mixed message from her as well.

Or maybe I'm just out of the loop re what friends do on dates these days.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Relationships are nearly always about money.
> I wonder how many dates homeless & unemployed men get?
> Briffault's Law.


It's the same old crap, every time. I've heard it 1000 times now. A Western female can demand a guy pay for dinner, earn more money than she does, and have certain kinds of careers before she will ever talk to him, but point the finger at a Filipino or Thai lady and accuse THEM of being a gold digger. That white guy with the pretty Asian wife, he must just be her meal ticket. As some ladies in the USA take a guy for everything he is worth in a divorce.

I can't speak for you personally, because while I didn't go the route you did, I don't blame you. Me, I just wanted a nice girl with more traditional values so I wouldn't have to deal with the kinda crap most of these guys on TAM are stuck dealing with. Sadly, a guy has a much better shot at finding that overseas. Maybe I am MGTOW lite since I refuse to play the dating game according to Western cultural standards where the risk vs reward just doesn't add up in my favor.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Enigma32 said:


> I can't speak for you personally, because while I didn't go the route you did, I don't blame you. Me, I just wanted a nice girl with more traditional values so I wouldn't have to deal with the kinda crap most of these guys on TAM are stuck dealing with. Sadly, a guy has a much better shot at finding that overseas. Maybe I am MGTOW lite since I refuse to play the dating game according to Western cultural standards where the risk vs reward just doesn't add up in my favor.


Yep, my Brit wife demanded everything, while giving nothing for 30 years.
The men I knew that remained married and just totally surrendered everything to their wife's demands.
Living a miserable life of total submission and domination devoid of sex.
I wasn't prepared for another relationship like that so I jumped ship.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> IMHO they've both been doing a good job of keeping each other at arm's length.


Oldshirt evidently has a better handle on this than anyone. I can’t remember where I left off but we went out again after our falling out.

It appeared that the relationship was over and done but we briefly a few things, shared some feelings and decided to go out again. At the end of the date we went to a pub and had “the talk”. She let it all out, told me the she really likes me a lot and wants to be in a relationship with me but I have been confusing the hell out of her with my apparent semi-interest in dating. She got emotional and said she thinks we’d be a good match but she needs to know how I feel. Yeah, I’ve been dragging my feet pretty hard because I had pretty much quit all dating a few years ago to travel and pursue my passions, no time for relationships. The whole time with her I was in agony deciding if I even want to be in a relationship again. That’s the biggest reason I wasn’t pushing hard for sex. I’m not going to mislead someone if I’m not totally sure of my intent. So I guess I semi-friend-zoned her. She was kind of doing the same. We had a pretty intense discussion, bared our souls to each other. It ended well.

Went out again the next night. Had a great time. Talked about a lot of relationship things. The passion floodgates opened once she knew how I felt about her. 

I think we’re just going with the flow at this point, feeling each other out, seeing how far it goes.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

El Guapo said:


> The passion floodgates opened once she knew how I felt about her.


Did you have sex?


----------



## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Mixed message kissing clarified...


----------



## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

El Guapo said:


> The passion floodgates opened once she knew how I felt about her.


It is often said here “adults don’t just meet up and kiss..”. And it is almost if not always correct.

now granted that’s about a spouse meeting privately with someone they have been flirting with or possibly an having an emotional affair. _Possibly_ relationship material, but not enough to give up what they already have (family life, shared assets, etc).

Now in your case you have a ”GF” that stands to gain all that the ”cheating spouse” risks loosing…

So this Grown ass woman feels so strongly and wants a relationship with you and now acts like a teen girl protecting her ”V” card for her wedding day. So your passion is a kissing…

step outside your situation… and look at it from another perspective…. odds are if your relationship continues you will be back here in a few years talking about your Dead-Bedroom and or a cheating wife…

do yourself a favor…. IF you get married… Pre-nup! PRE-NUP! *PRE-NUP! PRE-NUP!

PRE-NUP!*


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> Oldshirt evidently has a better handle on this than anyone. I can’t remember where I left off but we went out again after our falling out.
> 
> It appeared that the relationship was over and done but we briefly a few things, shared some feelings and decided to go out again. At the end of the date we went to a pub and had “the talk”. She let it all out, told me the she really likes me a lot and wants to be in a relationship with me but I have been confusing the hell out of her with my apparent semi-interest in dating. She got emotional and said she thinks we’d be a good match but she needs to know how I feel. Yeah, I’ve been dragging my feet pretty hard because I had pretty much quit all dating a few years ago to travel and pursue my passions, no time for relationships. The whole time with her I was in agony deciding if I even want to be in a relationship again. That’s the biggest reason I wasn’t pushing hard for sex. I’m not going to mislead someone if I’m not totally sure of my intent. So I guess I semi-friend-zoned her. She was kind of doing the same. We had a pretty intense discussion, bared our souls to each other. It ended well.
> 
> ...


Ok now we’re getting somewhere. 

Now throw her legs over your shoulders and make her see stars 😃


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

El Guapo I think you are playing with fire. I wouldn't pursue it any farther than a FWB type arrangement. She sounds flakey to me.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ArthurGPym said:


> She sounds flakey to me.


And he doesn’t?????

I don’t mean that as a dig on him but just matter of fact that he’s been just as wishy washy and flakey as she has, if not more so.

At least the other guy came stating his intentions and making upfront offers even he wasn’t her cup of tea.


----------



## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

I’m not sure what to think about this ****. This morning she posted a pic from our date last night with a bunch of description saying how awesome it was. But it wasn’t one of the pics with me in it, just a sunset pic. I messaged her and said in all of our relationship discussions that we haven’t discussed tagging on social media and I asked her why she keeps posting amazing pics from our dates (the pics without me) and never tags me. Her response:

“
Rules. Hmm. Maybe guidelines.
Since my work crosses over into my personal life so much on social media, I prefer no drama. I wouldn’t tag you until we are dating exclusively. To me, it seems like a announcement to the world that we are in a relationship.
By the way, I do feel naturally more attached to you with each date. It feels like we are close to that level. It feels easy like Sunday morning. I love that!”

So I’m thinking we’re still not exclusive??? Even after this emotional outpouring from her on Sunday telling me how much she like me and wants to be with me. Then an amazing date on Monday. WTF? And how is it going to create drama if she says she was with me? There’s no drama coming from me. The only drama I can think of is if there’s still a guy in the picture that’s on her FB page. And I know some of the dates she’s been on were people on her FB. I get f***ing pissed so she tries to smooth it over:

“Whoa! I said that wrong. I am not dating anyone else and I am not even interested in anyone but you.
I guess I meant to say that we should talk about being in a relationship and what that looks like for us. Let’s talk about that on our next date (that you haven’t asked me out for yet.) 😉. I’m sorry. I know that hurt. Not what I meant. Do you have time to talk? I would be sad if you were seeing other women. I like this cool magic that we have. It feels amazing, unique and precious. I hope we continue this momentum. “

WTF? Sounds like there’s someone on FB she wants to hide me from. Her FB page is full of pics with her tagging both men and women in social settings. She tried to call me. I have no desire to talk to her right now

And the “other guy”. He took her to a park and said he wanted to cuddle with her in the back seat. She got out of the car and said she almost ran two miles back to her car if he didn’t drive her back there.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Have you asked her to be exclusive?

You don't seem to be communicating well. She has said she really likes you. Have either of your two specifically just said. I'd like to be exclusive. I mean usually the man brings that to the table but either can.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

El Guapo said:


> I think this chick is full of ****. This morning she posted a pic from our date last night with a bunch of description saying how awesome it was. But it wasn’t one of the pics with me in it, just a sunset pic. I messaged her and said in all of our relationship discussions that we haven’t discussed tagging on social media and I asked her why she keeps posting amazing pics from our dates (the pics without me) and never tags me. Her response:
> 
> “
> Rules. Hmm. Maybe guidelines.
> ...


Sounds like you got yourself a real odd one there. Also sounds like way too much work and not enough fun. You aren't even getting any sex for putting up with this odd stuff.

Have you really got your point across to her about where you wanted this relationship to go? No ambiguity?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Her outpouring on Sunday apparently was your clue to have “the talk”.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Anastasia6 said:


> Have you asked her to be exclusive?
> 
> You don't seem to be communicating well. She has said she really likes you. Have either of your two specifically just said. I'd like to be exclusive. I mean usually the man brings that to the table but either can.


We talked about it a lot on Sunday. I told her that I’m not happy with her dating anyone else while she’s dating me and that I would never do that to her, that I want us to only see each other. I told her that I want to be in a relationship with her and I will take the lead and leave no doubts in her mind about that. I’m certain that I showed that on Sunday and Monday. But again, I don’t get the word play or secret handshake thing. When I tell her I believe in only dating one person at a time, that seems pretty exclusive to me.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Openminded said:


> Her outpouring on Sunday apparently was your clue to have “the talk”.


I assumed we had that talk on Sunday and it was settled that we only want to see each other, that I’m going to come out of my shell and give her what she needs. And I’m pretty sure I’ve done that based on her words and actions...until this. This new twist makes me think she’s still undecided, that maybe she’s considering someone else as well. I don’t know.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She wants to know _exactly _what it all means. Kinda like a contract.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

El Guapo said:


> I assumed we had that talk on Sunday and it was settled that we only want to see each other, that I’m going to come out of my shell and give her what she needs. And I’m pretty sure I’ve done that based on her words and actions...until this. This new twist makes me think she’s still undecided, that maybe she’s considering someone else as well. I don’t know.


So I'd just tell her. I thought we settled on Saturday we were exclusive. If she isn't there then maybe you two are compatible.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

El Guapo said:


> “Whoa! I said that wrong. I am not dating anyone else and I am not even interested in anyone but you.
> I guess I meant to say that we should talk about being in a relationship and what that looks like for us. Let’s talk about that on our next date (that you haven’t asked me out for yet.) 😉. I’m sorry. I know that hurt. Not what I meant. Do you have time to talk? I would be sad if you were seeing other women. I like this cool magic that we have. It feels amazing, unique and precious. I hope we continue this momentum. “


I don't know anything about this woman, but does she always sound like this? This sounds like a PR stunt, not someone sharing their real self.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

leftfield said:


> I don't know anything about this woman, but does she always sound like this? This sounds like a PR stunt, not someone sharing their real self.


She is the PR person for a bank, or something like that. Sometimes she does, not always.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

El Guapo said:


> I assumed we had that talk on Sunday and it was settled that we only want to see each other, that I’m going to come out of my shell and give her what she needs. And I’m pretty sure I’ve done that based on her words and actions...until this. This new twist makes me think she’s still undecided, that maybe she’s considering someone else as well. I don’t know.


You really should not assume. Be explicit: are you two exclusive with each other, or not? If not, is it heading that way? And perhaps you will need to prove your interest more decisively than previously before she can make the decision to be exclusive.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Serious question - does she have any history of personality disorder or mental issues??

This kind of push-pull and mind games can be pretty typical of people with BPD. 

They crave security and commitment to them, but they also feel stifled and entrapped by it so they always want a wide open escape route as well as back up plans. 

If you catch them in bed with someone else the night before your wedding, they’ll say they’re not married. 

If you say you were engaged to be married, they’ll say they weren’t sure you’d show up for the wedding. 

If you say that you had “The Talk” on Sunday and agreed to exclusivity, they’ll say that you didn’t say anything about exclusivity today. 

You’re always chasing a moving target. 

At 55 years old, I would have hoped that both of you would have become better at communication.

But the more you talk about this chick, the nuttier she sounds. You’re not even getting any tail out of the deal here so I’m not really seeing the point in continuing to beat your head into this wall.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't know if she is being deliberately obtuse, expecting your class ring or waiting for you to introduce her to your mom & pop; but, you two are not on the same wave length. She is definitely being cagey.

Dang man, this is too much work for a girlfriend. She sure likes being chased.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

El Guapo said:


> She is the PR person for a bank, or something like that. Sometimes she does, not always.


I hope you figure this out quickly and find a happy solution. If I was in your shoes, I would have some trust issues with this woman. And that's just looking at the past weekend, not even the rest of the 5 months.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> I don't know if she is being deliberately obtuse, expecting your class ring or waiting for you to introduce her to your mom & pop; but, you two are not on the same wave length. She is definitely being cagey.
> 
> Dang man, this is too much work for a girlfriend. She sure likes being chased.


Girlfriend? You actually have sex with girlfriends. He's like a neighbor or a friend of the family. Way to much drama. I don't know why OP is hanging on to this one?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

If i have said it once i will say it a 1000x nothing good has come out of social media like FB...you are dating a woman who lives her life in social media clearly loves the attention...and that includes other men attention as well...perhaps she knows where to draw the line with them but regardless she loves the attention......I would tell her that either fish in your pond or cut bait and walk away from her...she seems high maintenance. to me that is a hug red flag


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

El Guapo said:


> I’m not sure what to think about this ****. This morning she posted a pic from our date last night with a bunch of description saying how awesome it was. But it wasn’t one of the pics with me in it, just a sunset pic. I messaged her and said in all of our relationship discussions that we haven’t discussed tagging on social media and I asked her why she keeps posting amazing pics from our dates (the pics without me) and never tags me. Her response:
> 
> “
> Rules. Hmm. Maybe guidelines.
> ...


You need to stop sitting on your hands and get out of your comfort zone and commit to her if you want exclusivity. She's not going to be exclusive until she gets some kind of commitment. Have you asked her what kind of commitment she is looking for? Do you have any idea if she's looking to marry in the next couple of years or if she's only looking to just date? You need to be asking her about that. She may be hinting to become engaged, or not. But she's made clear she doesn't consider you two exclusive until there's a verbal agreement on it. You need to ask her if she'll be exclusive with you and vice versa and see what she says. I mean, you sound fairly serious about her, though you're moving slow, so I don't know what's stopped you from simply asking if she'll be your exclusive girlfriend. I mean, it's too early for engagement, so just girlfriend. 

You could simply say, Let's date exclusively now and see how that goes. Then wait a year and see how it's going. But just know that if it's going well, she will be wanting a ring in the next couple of years anyway. She's not just killing time.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

El Guapo said:


> I’m not sure what to think about this ****. This morning she posted a pic from our date last night with a bunch of description saying how awesome it was. But it wasn’t one of the pics with me in it, just a sunset pic. I messaged her and said in all of our relationship discussions that we haven’t discussed tagging on social media and I asked her why she keeps posting amazing pics from our dates (the pics without me) and never tags me. Her response:
> 
> “
> Rules. Hmm. Maybe guidelines.
> ...


I will tell you what I think is happening.
You are entering her frame, she is in control of the whole dating process because you are pining after her and being desperate and she feels so good about it because she is the prize!
It's sad that a 55 y/o man with experience can't see this or not know this!

Men are the gateway for relationships and commitment, women are the gateway for sex, you should never ask for exclusiveness, she is the one that should be asking for it not you, if you don't know this, or you don't operate with this in mind, then no one can help you to get you out of your simping state!
You are pining after her, and you look very desperate!
To fix the simping and your desperation you need to start dating other women!
If she really desires you and wants you she will ask for exclusiveness!

You have been dating her for months and still she didn't ask you for exclusiveness, what does that tell you?!
Men with options are very attractive and desired, so have options, this stuff has being researched to death and studied, read about (mate selection!)

You can hate what I said or maybe feel offended by it (that's not my intent) but it will not change the fact that you are desperate and pining after her to the level of simping, checking her FB and getting angry because she didn't include you!
She is not the only woman out there!

She even almost proved my point to you when she told you:


> *I would be sad if you were seeing other women.*


She doesn't want you to have options because she will have to decide quickly and lock you before any other women does!

But then you showed her how she is the best you can do by telling her:


> I told her that I’m not happy with her dating anyone else while she’s dating me and that I would never do that to her,


You are 55 y/o and acting like it's your first time dating a woman!
That's why she is stringing you along until she finds that man who knows how to handle her and has the burning desire for him, if she is not successful she will settle for you as her last option!
That's exactly what's happening to you!

Stop being desperate, and stop being a simp, and stop showing her that she is the only woman out their, because that's the main reason why you are not attractive or desired!


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Kaliber said:


> I will tell you what I think is happening.
> You are entering her frame, she is in control of the whole dating process because you are pining after her and being desperate and she feels so good about it because she is the prize!
> It's sad that a 55 y/o man with experience can't see this or not know this!
> 
> ...


Explain how I’m pining or being a simp? Everyone else has said I’m not putting enough effort into it and have a care less attitude, opposite of being a simp or pining. She revealed she had been dating and I flat out ghosted her and told her I’m not cool with that at all. How is that being a simp? I told her the last two dates that I’m not going to date someone who dates someone else. She was messaging and calling me all morning because she probably thinks I’m gone.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Me:
“I don’t understand this conversation. I thought we established the last two dates that we are dating exclusively, that you want that and want that from me. Now it seems you’re saying you’re still undecided about that. 
I even told you that I only date one person at a time and that is the only type of relationship that I can do. I feel like I owe it to the other person out of respect and I owe it to them to give them a fair chance without bringing other people into the picture. It’s also about building trust. I’m not sure how tagging me would create drama. I’m certain you know by now that you will never receive any drama from me. The only other drama that I can think of is that someone on your FB page would get upset if he saw you were doing something with me. It makes me think you’re hiding me from someone.”

Her:
“Honestly it is all good. We have talked a lot about dating just each other. I truly do believe we both want the same thing. That is why I wanted to talk to you on the phone! 🥰
Nothing to hide. All of this is fast compared to the super slow speed we were going for 5 months!! 😆
We are dating exclusively and I like that a lot. Can’t wait to see what the future brings. 
So tag away! 😆 “

— This feels like gaslighting or something. We’re not on the same wavelength.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> Serious question - does she have any history of personality disorder or mental issues??


None that I’m aware of but she did say she has a history winding up in relationships with alcoholics - ex husband and dating relationships. I’m not an alcoholic.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What she wants is every detail locked down immediately. Who knows what she wants from there.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

El Guapo said:


> I’m not sure what to think about this ****. This morning she posted a pic from our date last night with a bunch of description saying how awesome it was. But it wasn’t one of the pics with me in it, just a sunset pic. I messaged her and said in all of our relationship discussions that we haven’t discussed tagging on social media and I asked her why she keeps posting amazing pics from our dates (the pics without me) and never tags me. Her response:
> 
> “Rules. Hmm. Maybe guidelines.
> Since my work crosses over into my personal life so much on social media, I prefer no drama. I wouldn’t tag you until we are dating exclusively. To me, it seems like a announcement to the world that we are in a relationship.
> ...


You two need to sit down face to face and talk about where you both want this to go and where you are now. Are you exclusive? Make a decision next time you see one another that way there's no more confusion. I know that when I was online dating, if I wanted to be exclusive, I'd bring it up in conversation. We would decide then and there, and go from there. Communication is key!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

she is playing you, keeping her options open.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

El Guapo said:


> — This feels like gaslighting or something. We’re not on the same wavelength.


If this is what your gut is telling you, I would listen if I were you. The girl sounds like just that: an immature girl of 55. Also, texting and sending messages back and forth, while it's often more convenient than a telephone conversation, or one in-person, it's impersonal. You don't get tone with it, and tone is what you need to understand what is actually going on.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

El Guapo said:


> Me:
> “I don’t understand this conversation. I thought we established the last two dates that we are dating exclusively, that you want that and want that from me. Now it seems you’re saying you’re still undecided about that.
> I even told you that I only date one person at a time and that is the only type of relationship that I can do. I feel like I owe it to the other person out of respect and I owe it to them to give them a fair chance without bringing other people into the picture. It’s also about building trust. I’m not sure how tagging me would create drama. I’m certain you know by now that you will never receive any drama from me. The only other drama that I can think of is that someone on your FB page would get upset if he saw you were doing something with me. It makes me think you’re hiding me from someone.”
> 
> ...


Just because you told her you only date one person at a time, without an agreement, doesn't mean she is going to also do that. Dating is dating, not marriage, especially early on. 

But it sounds like now that you have clarified, she has said you are exclusive. So good luck going forward. Keep communication open.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ursula said:


> If this is what your gut is telling you, I would listen if I were you. The girl sounds like just that: an immature girl of 55. Also, texting and sending messages back and forth, while it's often more convenient than a telephone conversation, or one in-person, it's impersonal. You don't get tone with it, and tone is what you need to understand what is actually going on.


I agree. You need to be comfortable with each other to talk face to face about this type stuff. If you're not, that's saying something.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I detect weirdness. I’d dump her


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You may not consider yourself pining or a simp, but you are engaging in this game. And a game it most definitely is. Good lord, all these conversations and psyche-probing discussions. Just date. Enjoy each other's company. Have a good time. See if it works out.

Weighing in as a woman, I can tell you that she sounds high-maintenance and my guess is if you get seriously involved, you'll discover she's a royal PIA. JMO


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> To be fair, she never let him get past 'first base'. It looks like he thought she was stuck in the '50s and was respecting her boundaries. I don't know what her game is - it sure seems like she's playing a game. One thing we know - *she isn't exactly into sex*. Or, maybe she isn't into sex with him.



Here's your answer above. You have run into a LD woman. Low Sex Drive. Does she read ROMANCE NOVELS? If so she may be under the frame of the knight coming from afar to rescue her. She's clearly looking for more than a boyfriend but a husband who she expects to be a traditional husband in the sense of a provider and guy who takes care of things. She has sized you up on those dates, and you have passed the audition. 

This is important to determine. You mentioned her experience with alcoholics. * Does she have HSE/LSE* - high or low self-esteem? Is she negative/depressed?   *LSE/LD* women can appear to be completely normal, shy, kind and affectionate. However, these sorts are used to owning men through sexual deprivation. I'm not saying she is. I have no idea. The crazies are the* LSE/HD* woman who should be avoided for marriage at all costs but can be great to date for a bit. You are not dealing with that here. LSE women don't make great partners and should be avoided.

she's keeping her options open w/ the fb guy.. After all, she is on a mission that has an end goal. She may be setting up a triangle to increase her desirability. I doubt it but you never know. this is a technique used in seduction and is one that works. Don't succumb to this. You don't have a committed relationship and she doesn't have tons of options.* HSE/LD* women are more nurturing of their offspring *and can make very good partners* especially for men who are very busy with work. Figure out whether she is HSE/LSE and go from there.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm a bit confused at this point. Did the OP go back and do some radical editing to his original post? I thought originally he was the reason they hadn't had sex.

Didn't he claim to engage in passionant kissing but never tried to go further? Didn't he claim he was taking it very slow? Didn't he say they never spoke of being in a relationship or dating exclusivly? Didn't she call him out for acting pissy and directly ask him if he thought they were only dating each other? And he said he didn't know how to answer that?

Most of the replys to this thread are weighing in against the woman but I disagree. I think the fault lies with the OP, following this thread from the start I get the sense the OP lacks maturity. My take is the OP really did nothing physically, emotionally or verbally that conveyed his feelings and left this woman feeling confused. The woman had settled into the friend zone until the OP had a hissy fit when she went out on a date with another guy.

My take is the woman did nothing wrong going out on a date.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

OP
What happened?

I'm confused. 
You went out for drinks with her and had "the talk" you say. 
It sounds like you 2 are now dating. You are exclusive and things are ok for the moment.

Your post about seeing a picture from your date on FB and her commenting on how nice things were. You lost me there. You are now making comments about you being upset and you thought you had been clear about being exclusive. Did I misunderstand something? I thought you were exclusive and the picture was from your date. It sounds like you think she went out with someone else again. 

What happened? I'm lost? I thought the talk cleared it all up. No?
Did she go out with someone after your "talk" date?
If so that should be a clear break up. What did she do that upset you since the "talk" date?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> What happened? I'm lost? I thought the talk cleared it all up. No?
> Did she go out with someone after your "talk" date?
> If so that should be a clear break up. *What did she do that upset you since the "talk" date*?


He freaked because his girlfriend of less than a week - after 5 months of being just friends because he'd never actually pursued her for a relationship - didn't tag him in a social media post that included a picture she took of the sunset on their date. He wanted a picture that included him and for her to tag him in the post. She didn't, so now he's upset that she's not declaring their relationship on FB.

OP, my now-husband and I were together, in an explicitly discussed and agreed upon exclusive romantic and sexual relationship, for probably 6+ months before we started including one another in our social media posts. So, honestly, I don't find her not tagging you to be odd at all. You've been not-dating her for 5 months, while you actively did not pursue her romantically or sexually, but now that you've both agreed to _actually_ date, you're upset because she didn't _instantly_ switch into "declaring it to the world" mode. Some people just aren't into publishing the state of their romantic life online for the world to see and comment on. Especially if that romantic life is a brand new dating relationship. And your relationship _is_ brand new. 

A lot of posters here have said she sounds too high-maintenance. But, honestly, OP you sound like a good bit of work yourself.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Rowan said:


> He freaked because his girlfriend of less than a week - after 5 months of being just friends because he'd never actually pursued her for a relationship - didn't tag him in a social media post that included a picture she took of the sunset on their date. He wanted a picture that included him and for her to tag him in the post. She didn't, so now he's upset that she's not declaring their relationship on FB.
> 
> OP, my now-husband and I were together, in an explicitly discussed and agreed upon exclusive romantic and sexual relationship, for probably 6+ months before we started including one another in our social media posts. So, honestly, I don't find her not tagging you to be odd at all. You've been not-dating her for 5 months, while you actively did not pursue her romantically or sexually, but now that you've both agreed to _actually_ date, you're upset because she didn't _instantly_ switch into "declaring it to the world" mode. Some people just aren't into publishing the state of their romantic life online for the world to see and comment on. Especially if that romantic life is a brand new dating relationship. And your relationship _is_ brand new.
> 
> A lot of posters here have said she sounds too high-maintenance. But, honestly, OP you sound like a good bit of work yourself.


Your husband must be a "Nice Guy"


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Rowan said:


> He freaked because his girlfriend of less than a week - after 5 months of being just friends because he'd never actually pursued her for a relationship - didn't tag him in a social media post that included a picture she took of the sunset on their date. He wanted a picture that included him and for her to tag him in the post. She didn't, so now he's upset that she's not declaring their relationship on FB.
> 
> OP, my now-husband and I were together, in an explicitly discussed and agreed upon exclusive romantic and sexual relationship, for probably 6+ months before we started including one another in our social media posts. So, honestly, I don't find her not tagging you to be odd at all. You've been not-dating her for 5 months, while you actively did not pursue her romantically or sexually, but now that you've both agreed to _actually_ date, you're upset because she didn't _instantly_ switch into "declaring it to the world" mode. Some people just aren't into publishing the state of their romantic life online for the world to see and comment on. Especially if that romantic life is a brand new dating relationship. And your relationship _is_ brand new.
> 
> A lot of posters here have said she sounds too high-maintenance. But, honestly, OP you sound like a good bit of work yourself.


Now that I think more about it, there’s likely some truth here.

op, what is the excuse again on why you haven’t tried to have sex with her for 5 months? The short version. Is there ED involved?

btw, I still think she’s weird, and it’s weird that she told a guy she was dating after 5 months she went out with other dudes.
Everyone knows when you’re dating multiple people at once, you’re supposed to lie like a dog to each of them! Sheesh!😋


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Kaliber said:


> Your husband must be a "Nice Guy"


Nah. We both just think it's super flakey when grown folks post about a new "soul mate" every few weeks. It just seems smarter not to splash someone new all over your social media until you're reasonably sure they're going to still be around in a few months time. We both avoided including one another in posts until we were pretty sure our relationship was going somewhere.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Rowan said:


> Nah. We both just think it's super flakey when grown folks post about a new "soul mate" every few weeks. It just seems smarter not to splash someone new all over your social media until you're reasonably sure they're going to still be around in a few months time. We both avoided including one another in posts until we were pretty sure our relationship was going somewhere.


Makes perfect sense!


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## TriX (May 10, 2021)

It may be a stupid question, but will ask anyway.... Why don't you just comment on her post, with "Am glad you had a great time. I had a great time too!"

A possible reason why your face is not posted, could be that she is running a background check on you. Banks are very sensitive about who their employees hang out with, and as your GF handles PR for them, she would be under scrutiny.

Another thing, why don't YOU take a selfie with her, and post it on YOUR social media and tag her instead? There is no rule that says you cannot do this (unless you are scared of being perceived as a 'girl' because 'guys' only post pictures of cars/beer).


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

aine said:


> Five months entitles you to very little.


Oh...to walk away from her may be one small step for mankind, one giant leap for him.
And he is entitled enough to take it.


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## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

Unless you are into open relationship, cut her lose. She is done.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Zombie thread?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

El Guapo said:


> My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went out with another guy.


I had this situation before. Here is how it played out.

Dated someone for over a month, we did call each other girlfriend/boyfriend, so IMO it was an implied exclusivity.

One weekend with no notification, she goes off to see her old boyfriend in college. She comes back as if nothing happened and tried to resume our relationship.

I told her no thanks, she tells me we weren't exclusive, blah blah blah....I asked what the whole girlfriend/boyfriend talk was? She said that's just a label. She said I couldn't be mad because we weren't exclusive.

I told her I wasn't mad, but was no longer interested. She asks why, and I tell her that although she wanted to believe there was no exclusiveness as an excuse to run off and bang an old boyfriend, if she wanted a relationship with me, she just went about it the wrong way.

You said you walked away. Good. Don't look back. 5 months of dating and she didn't think that you thought there was something there? You made the right choice. She isn't worth it.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Zombie thread?


UGH, yes, just saw that. I responded based on the fact it showed up in the "New" section.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

[QUOTE="


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"A tricksome Zombie thread" said Zombie Cat. "I'll need my top team to deal with this one."


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