# should I worry or should I go along with it



## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

2 months ago, me and my wife had an issue with infidelity on her part. Long story short...she sent topless pics on her cellphone to another man that she had an emotional affair with. 

Recently, me and my wife had another couple to our house to have dinner, drinks, and play some games. Towards the end of the night, both the women wanted to play strip poker but I declined. I didn't want to seem like the downer of the party but the other couple did not know about mine and my wife's marriage problems. 

The thought of another man looking at my wife's boobs would of really bothered me. Might not of bothered me if she never did the stuff before that but I think it was just too soon afterwards to do that. The next morning I talked to my wife about what happend the night before and she told me that we are all adults and she thought I wanted to see the other woman naked.

Should I be worried that my wife wanted to do that so soon after what we went through? I don't know what to think...does she want to see other men naked, does she want other men to see her naked? Has anyone had a problem like this before?


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## aedilis (Jun 28, 2010)

Well the first question that comes to mind is this: Have you communicated to her that you don't accept that type of behavior?

I know that my wife wouldn't condone such a thing and as such, if that situation arose, we both would have said no thanks. It seems to me though that she is either into this sort of thing, or trying to shock you into paying attention to her, or she could also be looking for a way out of the relationship by saying you were just this prude.

That's about all I could really tell you based on the information you gave.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I think when one spouse has behaved in a questionable manner, you need be consistent and NOT encourage similar behavior until you are standing on solid ground. You weren't being a party pooper - you were thinking clearly and doing the right thing.

You know better than anyone here, but I would be concerned about her new adventurous side.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Agreed 

It seems clear that wants to show her boobs to others. NOt sure if it if for attention or what. 

You may want to have an open conversation with her. She sounds like she is feeling some sort of need for sexual expression. You may want to see if there are some ways that she can fulfill her need for this that you both are comfortable with. Perhap she is trying to get a rise out of you. 

Aedelis makes a good point about making you look like a prude. I would not take all this lightly as it points to someone who is not happy. 

PS. Don't know the details but, find it questionable that an affair that involved the exchange of naked pictures to be only emotional but...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

makaveli said:


> 2 months ago, me and my wife had an issue with infidelity on her part. Long story short...she sent topless pics on her cellphone to another man that she had an emotional affair with.
> 
> Recently, me and my wife had another couple to our house to have dinner, drinks, and play some games. Towards the end of the night, both the women wanted to play strip poker but I declined. I didn't want to seem like the downer of the party but the other couple did not know about mine and my wife's marriage problems.
> 
> ...


You should be extremely worried about your wife's intentions.

Put your foot down and be very clear about not wanting to participate in activities such as strip poker. and further, insist that she not doing so either.

If she wants to do such things, she and you are finished.

If that is the way she wants to live her life and you do not? Seems like the end of the road to me.

Being specific in your boundaries is essential when dealing with someone who has other values than yourself.

That way when she decides to do such things she cannot use the excuses anymore about her thinking you wanted to do it too.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Here what I see: Unless you never told her that what she did (the pics to the other guy) bothered you (which I doubt), she knew this should/would be an issue. Therefore, her "let's play strip poker!" moment was a huge sign of disrespect for you. I look at it this way: my boyfriend and I talked a lot in the beginning, and one thing I learned is that he doesn't share (neither of us do, actually). He feels that my body, and I about him, is for him alone. My body should not be shared with another person (aside from potential childbirth and breastfeeding, of course). So, I would never suggest, nor go along with a suggestion, such as strip poker, with another person/couple. And this is without a previous infidelity. The fact that she did this with the history there, tells me there is a major problem. Whether that problem is that she wants out and won't just say it, or that she has a real problem (a sex addiction, or bipolar or something like that that might make her act differently and/or strangely), and needs some real help. 

I think a serious, sit down honest discussion is needed her. A blunt statement from you that this kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Take it from there to determine whether or not she needs help, and whether or not the relationship is going to work.


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## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

Everyone, thanks for the replies. These were the kind of replies I was looking for.


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