# If your S does not admit his EA/PA does this mean that it is not over?



## MadAndConfused (Nov 24, 2011)

Hi all,

I have some considerations regarding the above question...

I am guessing one of the two options below, but I was wondering what your opinion is....

a) Cheating Spouse has not ended the affair.
b) Affair has ended but they think that admitting it will cause more pain on the BS.

Also, what are the possibilities of recovering and reconsiliation in such a case (of not admitting the affair)?

Thank you!

P.S.: EA/PA DOES exist. I have proofs....


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

I think most of us here pretty much knew it had gone physical already.

re: a) Cheating Spouse has not ended the affair.

You need proof of this... *definite* proof.

re: b) Affair has ended but they think that admitting it will cause more pain on the BS.

How much more pain can they inflict? The affair is enough. If you want more pain, the ask for details... but that's striclty up to you.

My friend asked for details, and doesn't know if he can get past that aspect of disclosure. Once you know; you can't _un_-know them.

How did you find out it _was_ a PA, anyway?


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## MadAndConfused (Nov 24, 2011)

JustaJerk said:


> I think most of us here pretty much knew it had gone physical already.
> 
> re: a) Cheating Spouse has not ended the affair.
> 
> ...


From his bank account I have found charges to hotels... He told me that he was going alone, but I do not believe him... She was out of town as well that weekend...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

M&C, you do not have proof. You have strong circumstantial evidence, but not proof. Proof would be pictures, emails, love letters, etc.

It sucks, too. Every red flag event has two possible explanations, one innocent and one guilty. The guilty explanation may eventually be confirmed if hard proof is found. But the innocent one can never be proven.

Keep looking, stop accusing, and try to keep a balanced attitude about what you see.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Your partner could be denying because it isn't true or because he's hoping to make you believe it isn't true so he can keep cake-eating. Keep gathering proof, but beware because now that he knows you're onto him, he'll be more secretive. Get solid proof and then confront.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

To seek a true R, you must have a full confession. She is still fence sitting if not still engaged in A secretly. Why don't you demand polygraph?


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## lindaweller (Dec 1, 2011)

i'm kinda new here, ive been lurking for a bit but i just wanted to know what does s, ea, and pa mean?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

look at my newbie link in my signature linda


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## lindaweller (Dec 1, 2011)

thanks


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Mac, to answer your questions, in order. A. The affair not being over. You won't know this until you have more evidence. As others have pointed out, now that he knows you are aware, he COULD take the affair further underground. B. He is having an affair, and didn't think of your feelings while doing it. Why should he be so concerned now? Lastly, and this is my opinion, only. If he will not admit the affair, then your chances of recovery and reconciliation are slim to none. I hope this helps.


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