# im a wW who needs help to save my marriage......



## Carolina05 (May 2, 2012)

I cheated on my husband with a ONS. I admitted it to my husband when I thought he could handle the truth. I told him I would be there for him if he would have me. That ill do whatever it takes to make it right. I told him I know I am wrong and I took responsibility for my actions. Just looking for any advice that can help me save our marriage. I have never been a really affectionate wife, something he needs. Also we have other trust issues with some trust issues, money problems, also I have monster in-laws. We have been married for 7 years and have been all over the world due to being military and any advice would be helpful. Thank you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Where`s your husbands head at?

What has he got to say about the state and future of your marriage?

Why`d you do it?

Who is the ONS?


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## Carolina05 (May 2, 2012)

@ tacoma:

Where`s your husbands head at?

What has he got to say about the state and future of your marriage?

Why`d you do it?

Who is the ONS?

a ONS....is a one night stand. 
My husband is all over the place with emotions and anger, betrayal. The is no way around what I did. I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong when I did it, no excuses. I did it because me and my husband have been unhappy for the majority of our marriage and this isnt our first time dealing with this. We were going through a divorce at one point 3 yrs ago and we didnt live together. I left him bec of alcohol reasons and emotional abuse and I was done trying and him not caring. So I filed for Divorce, moved out and that was it with us. He didnt want it but I was done. He still verbally abused me while separated and told me I didnt deserve my son. After awhile I got frustrated and went on a date and I started a fling. According to the law it was adultery but I sometimes disagree with that bec we lived separate and I filed for divorce. Well I told him, I had nothing to hide and it wasnt till then that he admitted that the way he treated me was wrong. after awhile we reconciled and life has been good. But I went to his inlaws in Feb BTW they hate me. and wish we never got married, they never gave me a chance. Well they told me how they felt and I was feeling ****ty that I might not be good enough for my husband. Plus we have not been emotionally connected for about a yr. So I went out and had a one night stand.........that I coudnt even go through with and hated myself for what I did and eventually I build up the courage to tell him because I coudnt lie anymore......(I knew he would leave me but he deserved the truth) well he wants to make it work. And I know that it is all on me to make it work.......so I need advice.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Actions speak louder than words and IC (individual counseling) for you to address and resolve your issues would be a first step in showing him that you are serious about fixing yourself. Also, drop any toxic friends who may have enabled your ONS, they must go. Get yourself checked out for STDs and a pregnancy test. And last but not least, do not hide anything from him and be completely transparent open book.

I won't give you false hope and tell you that your marriage can be saved. That depends on BOTH of you and your mutual willingness to build a brand, new marriage from the ashes of the old marriage.

You may want to print and have you and your husband read this:

*3 Ways to Erase Post-Affair Anger*
*Cheated On, Tortured by Images*
*http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/40190-feeding-affair-image-beast.html#post593486*
*How to Rebuild Your Spouse's Trust After an Affair*


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Carolina05 said:


> a ONS....is a one night stand.


Not really, stick around here long enough and you`ll see different people have different ideas of what the definition of a thing is.

Some people like myself (and apparently you) define a ONS as a single event with a stranger.

Others simply consider a single sex act with anyone a ONS since it happened only "once".

I disagree with them but asked you so there`d be no misunderstandings between us here.

As far as advice, I have to ask if you really want to go through the trouble of fixing this if indeed it can be fixed as it sounds like your infidelity is merely a symptom of many larger problems in your marriage.

This act of infidelity destroys the trust necessary to fix those problems.

Getting it back is a long haul.


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Carolina05 said:


> @ tacoma:
> 
> Where`s your husbands head at?
> 
> ...


Wait Wait Wait.

Did you or did you not have sex with a person other then your husband while you were married?


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> I have monster in-laws.


your cheating ways aren't going to endear you to them anytime soon.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Like the Gambler said: 'You gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. When to walk away and when to run.'

It's time for the two of you to go your separate ways. (Do you really see yourselves growing old together?)


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Why do you wanna stay in this mge----you tell us things are OK, for now---and that your relationship is better, but what happens, once the 2 of you settle back into what you call a mge.

Your mge---has way to many problems,---in-law problems, trust problems, abusive behavior, alcohol----what if anything is being done to permanently fix any/all of those problems

On top of all the other problems, you have strayed, so now your H, has to deal with everything that your A. entails.

Would it not be much better for the 2 of you to D., and start your lives over, and hopefully find new partners, that can help give you a good happy life.

Bankruptcy is there for financial problems, D. is there for marital problems-----they are both meant to give you a new start in life.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

third post in the newbie link in my signature may help you


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