# everyones option: breaking up



## soundofthesphere (Feb 10, 2012)

i'm really surprised about the amount of responses here to everyone's problems is simply to 'break up'. yes, people make mistakes, but surely just 'breaking up' with them is not necessarily the answer? otherwise why would they be posting here in the first place.

aren't relationships supposed to be things that require constant care and healing... mistakes, as horrible as they are, happen... and if people are not prepared to tolerate them and try to improve things, then what hope is there for anyone?

just a thought - wondering on other opinions...


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## Stir Crazy (Feb 10, 2012)

It depends if it is a mistake or if it is deliberate intent. 

A mistake is saying something insensitive when angry and later regretting it. Deliberate intent is cheating on your pregnant wife and videotaping the escapades (as one poster here did) and then expecting the wife to stay after being caught. Seems to me the plan then was to record it so he could later go back and watch it for enjoyment. I don't see any reason for his wife to stay then. Seems like he's a cad and likely will be one for a long time. He called it a mistake after he was caught (she found the tape) and then he decided to do damage control. That doesn't seem like real remorse though. Criminals often claim to be sorry after they are arrested. Do you think most of them are truly sorry though, or are they just sorry they were caught? I'm certainly not saying this man is a criminal, I do think though that being caught (whether as a criminal or a cheating mate) and then being "sorry" after the fact is not the same as if you came clean upfront. One shows a situation where you essentially now *have* to be sorry, the other is one where you chose to be on your own accord, hence why the person would come clean before being found out. 

In other situations though it depends of course what the underlying issues are. If they are something like one doesn't feel the other does enough to help out, one feels the other isn't as sexually available as they would like, well I do think those can be worked on if both parties want to improve their relationship. 

Anyway, I hope I don't sound terribly judgmental here, I'm pretty open minded in real life, I guess it doesn't translate well on the internet though. The issue of cheating is also a touchy subject for me as it has happened to people I care about. In their cases they forgave the cheating mate only to be later cheated on again. This was also after the cheater expressed how sorry they were, played devoted partner for a while and let the dust settle. I don't believe anyone should stay with cheaters if they have respect for themselves.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I agree with you soundofthesphere to some degree ... I don't think people should just tolerate mistakes though if they are getting hurt in the process.

But I do understand what you mean when I read your comment. I have been viewing a few posts this last week and it is very easy for someone to say 'just divorce them', 'run for the hills' ... Mostly people are here to try and make it work, or looking for validation, or just to talk. We shouldn't advise people to leave their marriages when we only really know one side unless of course there are extreme circumstances like abuse, blatant disrespect etc.

A marriage involves two people, children, extended families, money etc ... real feelings and real people. And yes I agree with you, mistakes happen. And if there's love and willingness, however terrible the crime in the marriage, if there is hope their can be healing. Just because a partner is aloof or cheats, does not necessarily mean everytime they need to be advised to 'get out while you can!' because most of the time, they don't want to hear that, they want advice on how to make it work. 

You wouldn't tell your best friend to leave their marriage unless you were absolutely sure of the situation.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

When it's the person who's been cheating and lying and offering up abuse for 5 years, and then when the cheated keeps on suggesting the cheater complete individual therapy and then join her in marriage therapy, and he declines and suggests divorce after learning that she has grown not to accept abuse and to call it out and question it, and not buy into the 'you need to get over this and move forward' and 'this relationship can never work because you don't trust me' (no kidding, and after he/she lied for 5 years it would be expected that he/she would be trustworthy, just because he/she says he/she is....?)it's kind of difficult not to accept! To me, it sounded like a splendid option, best idea my spouse came up with yet for our relationship, that would ACTUALLY work, and not require significant self-delusion on my part. It was the one sane and reliable option I had. And I owed myself to accept.

Sometimes people who are in co-dependent relationships, on either side, I might add, can't deal with those relationships any more when the abuse cycle is brought to a stop. So they want out, to be able to continue their addiction, and for the other party, it's an option too good to pass up.

I suspect there are a lot of co-dependents who should be dealing with co-dependency before coming to a marriage forum desperately seeking ways to be a better spouse, how to keep their spouse from cheating, blaming themselves, wanting to turn over every possible rock of what they did wrong, when they're already doing everything they possibly can before coming here...for their marriage to *last*, namely being party to a relationship that is unhealthy to begin with and never should have started. 

It's like doing CPR on someone who's been dead for over an hour.
On someone who's died of the ebola. 
Just perpetuates the trauma.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> i'm really surprised about the amount of responses here to everyone's problems is simply to 'break up'. yes, people make mistakes, but surely just 'breaking up' with them is not necessarily the answer? otherwise why would they be posting here in the first place.
> 
> aren't relationships supposed to be things that require constant care and healing... mistakes, as horrible as they are, happen... and if people are not prepared to tolerate them and try to improve things, then what hope is there for anyone?
> 
> just a thought - wondering on other opinions...


It is about having boundaries. It is about giving a marriage the best chance to work. Very often the only way to save a marriage is to be willing to walk away. Counter intuitive ... yes. Not getting a divorce does not mean there is a marriage.

And yes, marriages require constant care and priority.

See "His Needs Her Needs".

A couple cannot work on a marriage if one of them is in an affair. They are having thier needs met by others. Affairs are checmical. Just like an addiction. The Oxytocin and dopamine chemicals are very strong. Even when a spouse agrees to break out of the affair they have to do through withdrawal that can take weeks or months of complete no contact.

So it usually takes the impending loss of the "primary" relationship to get the WS to break out of the affair. This cannot be an idle threat as cheaters will adapt to that.

After the affair is killed, then and only then can a couple work on thier issues. Be aware though that even good marriages are vulnerable to affairs under the right circumstances.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Of all the relationship boards that I have visited, I have found this one to be the most restrained in terms of not meting out so quickly the tired old "accept/reject" paradigm or drop his sorry ass.

I realise that there could come a point in every relationship and type of relationship that it must be dissolved. But I try to look for strategies to avoid that point to the extent possible.

I like the way this board makes definition suggestions about going forward in relationship like
1) an R is impossible when the WS is still seeing the AP.
2) transparency is required for a relationship and so on.

That second one has been very helpful for me going forward. Fortunately, my guy offered to let me see his FB account, e-mail account and text messages before I even thought I had the "right to ask. 

But after thinking things through, I feel strongly that if a guy expects me to turn down dating other men and to reserve my free time solely for him (or to explain why not when we do things apart), then, quite frankly, he owes. If he wants to stay up late texting someone, slip out one Saturday night to see "just a friend" and then expect to still hang around, ummm, no I won't.

And what's really important here, is that I nipped this in the bid sooner rather later, so less damage to the relationship.

So add getting to grips with issues sooner rather than later as part of the strategy.

I'm not married now but EAs wrecked my marriage so I want to learn how to handle these things when it's to get out than after the wedding.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If someone is consistently being treated badly over time, and after repeated discussion and effort to change things, well, it seems like the best thing to do to stop the pain is to stop hitting your head against the same wall over and over.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

When people cheat they are prepared to act totally selfishly and hurt others. They have also bonded with someone else. They have acted contrary to their conscience and set themselves on a path that will destroy their own family. You can't reason with a person like that. It would be like trying to reason with someone who has broken into your house to hurt you. You have to act. And your actions need to stop them from hurting you.

The way to do that is to remove their power over your relationship. In which case, there are two choices: leave, or force them to stop. Since we can't legally force people to do things, that leaves us with just the first option. Sometimes you can stop them by a show of force--i.e., demonstrating that you are prepared to leave. 

A person who has an affair is a person who thinks that their actions will not have lasting negative consequences for them. If you can make them face the consequences of their actions, you can change their actions. Sometimes. Either way, you have to match the level of their actions with the threat of a similar level of consequences.

The only exception is when they willingly come to you of their own accord and beg for forgiveness, because they are now demonstrating that they are starting to listen to their conscience and have a willingness to make changes. That takes strength, even if it comes late. And strength is the only way they will change.


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## soundofthesphere (Feb 10, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> When it's the person who's been cheating and lying and offering up abuse for 5 years, and then when the cheated keeps on suggesting the cheater complete individual therapy and then join her in marriage therapy, and he declines and suggests divorce after learning that she has grown not to accept abuse and to call it out and question it, and not buy into the 'you need to get over this and move forward' and 'this relationship can never work because you don't trust me' (no kidding, and after he/she lied for 5 years it would be expected that he/she would be trustworthy, just because he/she says he/she is....?)it's kind of difficult not to accept! To me, it sounded like a splendid option, best idea my spouse came up with yet for our relationship, that would ACTUALLY work, and not require significant self-delusion on my part. It was the one sane and reliable option I had. And I owed myself to accept.
> 
> Sometimes people who are in co-dependent relationships, on either side, I might add, can't deal with those relationships any more when the abuse cycle is brought to a stop. So they want out, to be able to continue their addiction, and for the other party, it's an option too good to pass up.
> 
> ...


I think I completely agree with you about what you have said.. but in that instance there was attempt to fix it first...

I guess what I'm saying, is in my opinion, the first option should always be to look at ways of healing.. obviously this will not always work, but i'm just surprised at 'some' of the posts where the first reaction is 'just dump their sorry ass' if you know what i mean...


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Or to put it another way, you can't trust a venomous snake to not bite you. It's in their nature. You have to avoid it.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Yes there are lost of post telling people to leave their marriage. But there are also a lot of post telling them how to damage controll and try to heal things in their marriage.
I think it looks pretty balanced around here and for every leave them post there is a stay post.
There are so many veiws and options put up by the members here and I do not see them all as negitive. Just options, opinions, experiances, and lots of help. 

BUT the #1 thing I see around here is support for whatever choice a person makes. If they stay or go they find support for that choice and help in the getting through it all.


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## soundofthesphere (Feb 10, 2012)

MSP said:


> Or to put it another way, you can't trust a venomous snake to not bite you. It's in their nature. You have to avoid it.


see, i don't know.. maybe i have a mistrusted faith in people that when it comes down to it, all human beings are good... i know that sounds naive, but i think maybe comparing any human being to a venomous snake is not productive... maybe a better way to put it would be "if you know someone is not right for you, then don't bother going back" i dunno.

yes hurt happens, and sometimes it will be so much that you can never go back to that person - but there are always two sides to pretty much any dispute in a relationship.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Sometimes being productive means seeing a person and their actions for what they are good or bad. Looking for the good in a person will not make the bad go away. 


I do not think I will ever heal from what my H did to us and our marriage. I only want to forgive for myself and forgetting will never happen. I could have left and some times when things get tough I wish I had. And then there are days I am glad I stayed. 

He threw a bomb into my world and took away so much I had believed. I thought I had found someone who truely valued me, I was speical, loved, worthy, trust, protected, and more. 
He could not hurt me more if he cut out my heart and offered it over to his EA P for lunch. I know there is good in my H but that does not change the facts. 
He knew what he was doing and chose to do it anyways. The only productive thing about that is I am not blinding my self to his faults, mistakes, and the hell it has pushed me into.

Yes relationships are like a coin. There are two sides but if the perspective of the BS is one that is unhealthy and dangerouse sounding then there is a chance that leaving is the best option.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

If only one person is invested, the only viable option is to break up.

In many cases I have seen on this board, only one of the partners is fully invested in the relationship. I would say that seems to be MOST of the cases here.

You can't force the other person to care about you or the marriage. Since that is true, and the other person obviously doesn't care (fully), then the only option to resolve the issues are to break up.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

For me...it would depend what the problem was.
You use the word 'mistake'.. bit vague!

I'm thinking you mean an affair... this is a deal breaker for me.
To back up my feelings on this I know of several people (in the real world) whose spouses had affairs. Their marriages have never been the same again, the trust is gone and can never be repaired to what it was BEFORE the affair and it effects them deeply. I don't think I could ever get over that loss of trust.. IMO it's the foundation to our marriage.

BUT you do hear of people on boards like this who DO get over these 'mistakes' and feel their relationship is strong and even sometimes better afterwards.

Other kinds of 'mistakes'??? As long as there was no abuse I would do what ever I needed to do to try to save a failing marriage and would encourage anyone else to as well.

So you just have to take what you want from the advice given here... the bits that resonate with you and always remember anys advice comes from each individuals perspective.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> when it comes down to it, all human beings are good... maybe comparing any human being to a venomous snake is not productive... maybe a better way to put it would be "if you know someone is not right for you, then don't bother going back" i dunno.
> 
> ... there are always two sides to pretty much any dispute in a relationship.


No, not all human beings are "good." Read the news. Look at that monster who managed to lock the social worker out of the house, had his two sons with him, set his house on fire, and killed himself and his own innocent children. Now THAT is a venemous snake!

No, I don't think we have people on TAM who are raging sociopaths like the guy who killed his kids by burning down his house, but I've read some posts from cheaters who want validation for having cheated. Tell-me-my-partner-was-the-reason-I-cheated type people. Not necessarily bad, per se, but certainly not gaining respect for their behavior.

Yes, it does take two to trash a marriage, but I often see that one spouse contributes more to the demise of the relationship, while one tries harder to keep it alive. I read about it here everyday.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> I think I completely agree with you about what you have said.. but in that instance there was attempt to fix it first...
> 
> I guess what I'm saying, is in my opinion, the first option should always be to look at ways of healing.. obviously this will not always work, but i'm just surprised at 'some' of the posts where the first reaction is 'just dump their sorry ass' if you know what i mean...


I agree with you.
My reason is that when that advice is given for an abusive relationship, it doesn't work. I heard that on here when I first disovered the tip of the iceberg of what my H was up to, and it made me defensive about everything. The 'how dare you judge my H, you don't know him...' thing... even though people were REALLY telling me the truth, I didn't want to accept it because it did seem like knee-jerk reaction/easy solution, and really who wants to end their marriage? Abuse is a tricky thing.

Because of that, I try to do what my therapist did with me, very, very patiently, over the course of an entire year, also my case worker I had...which was to ask me how I felt about stuff, and to question my beliefs when I stated something. 

So with really bad relationships, it doesn't do to tell someone flat out to leave. That's not a good approach, and I've come to heads with people on the forum who haven't been in such a position and think they are being helpful by calling abuse abuse. It only makes someone feel stupid and defensive to be told they are in a real bad relationship. That's no surprise it would make them feel like that, because it's their life, that they made decisions for, and created. You don't tell someone their baby is ugly, you ask them how they feel when their baby smiles at them. Or offer support because being a parent is difficult when babies cry and poo. A marriage is a creation of life, even the bad ones. 

The other marriages, that aren't bad, I agree it is silly to tell someone to make short-sighted decisions on account of short-term stupidity and ego. Even going through a bad marriage, one learns a lot about letting ego go, and not taking things personally.
Some problems can be solved. And are worth solving. Because they are problems, between two people who are willing to put the marriage first. I'm still disheartened that there aren't more couples who post here.

I wonder who the couples are? That would make an interesting census.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

This board is unfortunately overwhelmingly pro-divorce. Many people here have been hurt so badly either by infidelity or abuse that they use this forum as a medium to empty their resentments/frustrations on relationships that they have no stake in.

I've come to accept that marriage is simply not what it's supposed to be and most people are not qualified to get married. 

Divorce is life's biggest failure. I don't agree that one should accept failure with open arms.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> see, i don't know.. maybe i have a mistrusted faith in people that when it comes down to it, all human beings are good... i know that sounds naive, but i think maybe comparing any human being to a venomous snake is not productive... maybe a better way to put it would be "if you know someone is not right for you, then don't bother going back" i dunno.
> 
> yes hurt happens, and sometimes it will be so much that you can never go back to that person - but there are always two sides to pretty much any dispute in a relationship.


This really is not about good and evil. EAs happen to good people. Their judgement is chemically impaired. It is not about character as much as some may believe. Now someone with some savvy and character armed with proper boundaries would never do this. My downfall was my arrogance in thinking my character would never allow it to happen. I kacked savvy as well. I was naive.

This forum is not pro divorce. It is pro healthy marriage. It is anti-affair. It s pro dignity. It gives people a chance for a happy marriage where there is little hope beyond lost dignity.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Stir Crazy said:


> It depends if it is a mistake or if it is deliberate intent.
> 
> *A mistake is saying something insensitive when angry and later regretting it.* Deliberate intent is cheating on your pregnant wife and videotaping the escapades (as one poster here did) and then expecting the wife to stay after being caught. Seems to me the plan then was to record it so he could later go back and watch it for enjoyment. I don't see any reason for his wife to stay then. Seems like he's a cad and likely will be one for a long time. He called it a mistake after he was caught (she found the tape) and then he decided to do damage control. That doesn't seem like real remorse though. Criminals often claim to be sorry after they are arrested. Do you think most of them are truly sorry though, or are they just sorry they were caught? I'm certainly not saying this man is a criminal, I do think though that being caught (whether as a criminal or a cheating mate) and then being "sorry" after the fact is not the same as if you came clean upfront. One shows a situation where you essentially now *have* to be sorry, the other is one where you chose to be on your own accord, hence why the person would come clean before being found out.
> 
> ...


How is this less a mistake than cheating? And can be just as hurtful. These are your words, your emotions, control them, just as what you would say to a cheating spouse. They call it verbal abuse, not verbal mistakes. A mistake is stubbing your toe over a curb, not telling someone you hated them and wished that you had gotten with someone else instead, for example.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> I think I completely agree with you about what you have said.. but in that instance there was attempt to fix it first...
> 
> I guess what I'm saying, is in my opinion, the first option should always be to look at ways of healing.. obviously this will not always work, but i'm just surprised at 'some' of the posts where the first reaction is 'just dump their sorry ass' if you know what i mean...


While I think some jump immediately to "dump them", many if not most counsel to be prepared to leave them. These posters provide suggestions and guidance on how to improve things, but recognize that it takes two people. If a spouse is not interested in working on things, there is not much a person can do. And sometimes, leaving is what snaps the other person into trying to change things.

In that sense, it is a "hope for the best but prepare for the worst" type lesson that many seem to give.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Making a mistake is something along the lines of forgetting to take out the trash or saying something mean in the heat of an argument. I don't suggest throwing a relationship over that.

You can't have an affair of any type and say it's a mistake or it just happened. It didn't just happen makes me mad, like your clothes just fell off and you fall on top of the other person and your penis accidentally penetrates her vagina.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> i'm really surprised about the amount of responses here to everyone's problems is simply to 'break up'. yes, people make mistakes, but surely just 'breaking up' with them is not necessarily the answer? otherwise why would they be posting here in the first place.
> 
> aren't relationships supposed to be things that require constant care and healing... mistakes, as horrible as they are, happen... and if people are not prepared to tolerate them and try to improve things, then what hope is there for anyone?
> 
> just a thought - wondering on other opinions...


:lol: :rofl: This coming from someone that, in another thread, chooses OW over his wife? :rofl:


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

soundofthesphere said:


> i'm really surprised about the amount of responses here to everyone's problems is simply to 'break up'. yes, people make mistakes, but surely just 'breaking up' with them is not necessarily the answer? otherwise why would they be posting here in the first place.
> 
> aren't relationships supposed to be things that require constant care and healing... mistakes, as horrible as they are, happen... and if people are not prepared to tolerate them and try to improve things, then what hope is there for anyone?
> 
> just a thought - wondering on other opinions...


I haven't read the other replies to this yet, but wanted to give my .02 while it's still fresh and before I have to leave.

Reconciling wouldn't be an option in my case...I know that I wouldn't be capable of doing it IF there was any type of cheating. I know it sounds extreme to divorce over and EA, say, but I know that trying to stay together through something like that would only prolong the inevitable. I would not be able to forgive it and certainly wouldnt' be able to forget it.

Cheating, whether emotional or physical, is my dealbreaker, no exceptions. My husband knows this.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Making a mistake is something along the lines of forgetting to take out the trash or *saying something mean in the heat of an argument*. I don't suggest throwing a relationship over that.
> 
> You can't have an affair of any type and say it's a mistake or it just happened. It didn't just happen makes me mad, *like your clothes just fell off and you fall on top of the other person and your penis accidentally penetrates her vagina*.


The same logic can be applied to saying things in an argument. No one's mouth has a mind of it's own. Cheating and being verbally stupid are on par to me.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

It is not selfish to live a happy life.

If someone is hampering your ability to be happy then the options are simple. 

Fix it.
Leave
Learn to accept an unhappy life.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> The same logic can be applied to saying things in an argument. No one's mouth has a mind of it's own. Cheating and being verbally stupid are on par to me.


Not to me. Not even close.

Edit: Saying something stupid and being a verbally abusive ass-hat are also on a different level to me as well.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Not to me. Not even close.
> 
> Edit: Saying something stupid and being a verbally abusive ass-hat are also on a different level to me as well.


they don't call it verbal *abuse* for nothing. and yes, it's verbal abuse even in the heat of an argument. people kill themselves when people say nasty things to them. still don't see how its the same or worse?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> they don't call it verbal *abuse* for nothing. and yes, it's verbal abuse even in the heat of an argument. people kill themselves when people say nasty things to them. still don't see how its the same or worse?


Well I guess it depends on what is being said. If that's the case, everyone who has an argument is verbally abusive. Is that what you're saying? But I don't see how someone saying "Wow, you're being such a jerk" is on par with actively seeking out a sexual partner. But, oh well. Not my worry. 

If my fiancee said I was acting like an ass during a conversation, it wouldn't make me kill myself and I wouldn't leave him over it. But if he went out and banged some chick and exposed me to STD's, I'd kick him to the curb. Now if he told me he hated me and wanted me to die, he'd also find himself sitting on the curb with all his belongings.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm old enough that is been able to see what works out over time in relationships , what just causes suffering, and what fails.

Do I support working things ok? 100% if it's actually possible. However far too many men and women put themselves through unacceptable levels of emotional, physical, and life wasting abuse because the hope for a rom-com ending when their SO is selfish, cheating, lying, angry, etc.

There is a time for staying and fighting, but only if you can win, and if you can afford the cost of winning.

Life's precious and short and missed opportunities because you are waiting for someone to unrealistic all change are forever lost and that is tragic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

synthetic said:


> Divorce is life's biggest failure. I don't agree that one should accept failure with open arms.


Life`s biggest failure would be to take the path that devalues that life.

That could be divorce or it could just as easily be reconciliation.

Life for many of us is far to precious to waste on a relationship that has no value.

Infidelity is not a "mistake", a mistake is a miscalculation or misunderstanding.
Infidelity is never either of these.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

synthetic said:


> This board is unfortunately overwhelmingly pro-divorce. Many people here have been hurt so badly either by infidelity or abuse that they use this forum as a medium to empty their resentments/frustrations on relationships that they have no stake in.
> 
> I've come to accept that marriage is simply not what it's supposed to be and most people are not qualified to get married.
> 
> Divorce is life's biggest failure. I don't agree that one should accept failure with open arms.


I absolutely disagree with you on this, I find everyone on this site is overwhelmingly in favor of marital values. If there is reason to believe that the spouses' love for each other is true even after an affair and there is remorse almost everyone on here will urge the distressed commenter to work on the marriage.

I think the reason it may seem there are a lot of pro-divorce comments in cases where one spouse is not vested, in which case the marriage is already over in every way except for the paperwork. Many of us have been badly hurt by infidelity, and at one point did believe that divorce is life's biggest failure, but by accepting that we can't control others or be responsible for another's happiness we have learned that divorce is not the worst thing after all, nor is it our own failure.


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## The Gottman Institute (Feb 7, 2012)

I think there is probably some truth to the idea that ending things is often what is viewed as the solution. There are definitely circumstances that require a relationship to be ended, but taking the time and making the effort to work things should be the default answer in a lot of cases.


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