# Acts Of Betrayal That Are Worse Than Cheating



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Not sure why I feel compelled to link to HuffPost, I find that the journalistic integrity they had not that long ago is completely shot. But I saw this article and NEEDED to comment on it, so here it is:

12 Acts Of Betrayal That Are Worse Than Cheating



> 1. "Giving up on the relationship for no reason. I'd rather he cheat than hear him say, 'Meh, I don't love you anymore.'"
> 
> 2. "Confiding in another man before she came to me would hurt me more than cheating. (The exception would be her father.)"
> 
> ...


My take is that numbers 1, 4, 5 and 12 are all basically the same thing, and I would rather find those kind of things out sooner rather than later. Number 2 is an EA, and yes that is at least as harmful as a PA - number 6 can also fall into this definition. Numbers 3 and 11 are financial infidelity. Numbers 7 and 10 are plain old deception, and yes that is the worst part about infidelity. And numbers 6, 8 and 9 are simply contributing factors about poor boundaries and mistreatment.

So I personally think this list can be reduced to 5 items 1) incompatibilities 2) the emotional aspect of infidelity 3) financial infidelity 4) deception and 5) boundaries

Apart from the financial and emotional infidelity, I don't find any of those to really be "act of betrayal" they are all relationship issues that should be addressed as the trust is built. The rest of the items are almost always aspects that are included with an affair, so as standalone acts how can any particular one be worse than the sum of all of them?

The only item I see on the list that could be worse, as in having longer lasting and more tangible damage, is financial infidelity. Or am I missing something?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Lon
I'd have a somewhat different and less specific list:

1). intentionally causing me harm. I don't mean harm as a side effect of something else, but something done for the purpose of causing me harm

2). Taking advantage of my love and trust in a deliberate way.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Interesting. Several items on the list strike me as redundant. In any case, my ex-husband was doing some version of all 12 of them - as a part of his infidelities. Yay, serial cheating.


Oh, and what does it say about the state of modern relationships when "Honest to God, if you get drunk and have sex with someone else, I'll be fine with it. _It happens_. I'd prefer it didn't, but it happens." comes out of anyone's mouth. :slap:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Speaking as a former cheater, I'd disagree with a lot of that, and suggest it was an unorganized pile of drivel. Off the top of my head, about the only thing comparable to cheating would be abuse (of your spouse or the kids). 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah Pbear, I'm pretty sure it was drivel. I guess that's why I needed to "expose" it as such and I couldn't think of a better place than TAM.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

PBear said:


> Speaking as a former cheater, I'd disagree with a lot of that, and suggest it was an unorganized pile of drivel. Off the top of my head, about the only thing comparable to cheating would be abuse (of your spouse or the kids).


Agreed...
There are some on that list, that on the extreme side can be worse. 

I've heard stories where the betraying spouse literally sucks the away the entire estate to transfer it to someone else leaving the BS absolutely destitute facing massive debt.

I know someone who's wife slowly lost herself in a bottle/drugs. I believe she brain damaged herself and showed no signs of wanting to stop. Just nothing he could do after trying for half a decade watching her rot; So he divorced. She died a couple years later living in halfway homes and on couches after burning every relationship she had.

I also know a compulsive liar. Huge into fraud and identity theft. In and out of jail. Three ex-wives who all found out only about 10% of what he said was remotely real. I can't imagine the chaos not knowing what was bs and what isn't. Like buying a car; he'd take the money out of the account, show up with a new car... yet pocket the money, use some dead person's id for the loan or worse, a family member... It was sick. btw; he looked like Santa and seemed like a real nice person too...


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

It's obvious the author of the article has never been cheated on.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Drugging someone
Getting them arrested
Trying to kill them
Setting fire to their house


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> 7. *"Lying. Honest to God, if you get drunk and have sex with someone else, I'll be fine with it. It happens. I'd prefer it didn't, but it happens. You tell me about it? Cool. We'll figure it out. You lie about it? We're done. People dramatically underestimate the importance of brutal honesty in relationships.*"


I had to laugh at #7...I'm one of those people who advocate brutal honestly.. called "RADICAL honesty'..

Yet.. I am surely NOT one who thinks this sort of lifestyle..getting hammered, "Ooops I drank too much!" -then banging someone & blaming the booze.. to me that's as bad a drunk Driver making excuses....just not acceptable in any way, shape or form.. the Alcoholics need weeded out! 

If anyone is this lenient with banging another, it speaks volumes about themselves . 



> *commonsenseisn't said*:* It's obvious the author of the article has never been cheated on*.


Not so sure I agree with this, given what I wrote above.. or this person has probably cheated and doesn't think it's such a big deal, doesn't care for the judgement.. could be either way..

As someone who has never been cheated on / never cheated myself.. I have often compared a sexless marital situation on par with the pain of cheating...It's something that would drag me down to hell . I know I would feel the deepest of betrayal by it... *it's just something I could NOT FORGIVE*...so this is why I say it..

I see it as damning, spitting on the vows "to love & cherish".. when a spouse turns their nose to our needs of comfort, pushing us away....when they are our only "outlet"/ source of intimacy.....using porn over us/ affection-less...I feel *just as bad *for anyone in THAT situation over someone who was cheated on. Maybe this is twisted thinking... but there it is.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

The loss of what you thought you had.....loosing your foundation, your roots, your goals, the reasons you had for jumping out of bed and working hard. The sexual cheating, the lying, the stealing, the betrayal on every level brakes your heart and brings you to the lowest point of your life. At some point (hopefully) you're done being the victim and the FU kicks in. The part that lingers is what the effect is on my kids. For me this is worse then the all the rest.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

When I was in the middle of the storm, I thought nothing could be worse. I myself have been through a heck of a lot in life. However the pain from those things were far removed.

I do not agree with many things on this list. I do agree that some of them equate to an EA. 




SimplyAmorous said:


> Ooops I drank too much!" [/COLOR]-then banging someone & blaming the booze.. to me that's as bad a drunk Driver making excuses....just not acceptable in any way, shape or form.. the Alcoholics need weeded out!
> 
> If anyone is this lenient with banging another, it speaks volumes about themselves .


I agree with this. It sounded like he was thinking "hall pass". Also the drunk excuse kind of reminds me of these Switzerland Safe Sex Ads for MTV.



Shoto1984 said:


> The part that lingers is what the effect is on my kids. For me this is worse then the all the rest.


Agreed.

Have to say that someone hurting my kids would be/was the most painful thing for me to experience. More than the my spouse's cheating, seeing what our separation did to our oldest is what hurt me the most. I still remember the helpless lump that was my son, heaped over with endless tears streaming down his face and gut-wrenching sobs. It was heartbreaking. My heart was broken but his heart was broken too. 

We are reconciled now and much of the damage that had been done to our son has healed but some things have changed for good. He is older now, not just talking years but in mind than I feel he should be. He grew up and matured before his time and is a bit jaded in some respects. I never wanted that for him and part of me still mourns the loss of that for him.


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## graciecval (Aug 26, 2016)

Betrayal of trust in respect to safety
Abuse- emotional, verbal or physical 
Inciting fear on the person you vowed to love an honor
Cheating is utterly insignificant in comparison!


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