# how would a woman respond to the idea of her husband watching her with another



## 1lovingmarriage (Aug 24, 2013)

I've had this fantasy for quite and while now and don't know if I should keep it to myself or talk to her about it. Any advice ladies?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Seriously? How on earth could anyone make that guess how your wife will respond. Have you thought about how this might affect your marriage if she says; "OMG honey I would love that! I know just the men to ask too! There's this guy at work who has the biggest hands and I just know his d!ck has to be gigantic! I have been fantasizing about him since I met him! Then there's the new couple down the street. I see him mowing the lawn and watch his 6 pack tense as he pulls to start the motor...Perfect, lemme get some calls made for this Friday night."

Seriously?


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

1lovingmarriage said:


> I've had this fantasy for quite and while now and don't know if I should keep it to myself or talk to her about it. Any advice ladies?


That's got to be the sickest fantasy ever...deserves to stay a fantasy. Most women want to be cherished by their hubby, unless they have a personality disorder. Please let this one go, don't mention it to your wife.

Just my 2 cents
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It's not sick. Sick involves children and animals or blood. This is just a fantasy and not all fantasies need to be realized.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Dunno... some things really are best left in fantasyland...

Has she EVER suggested she would like being shared? 

Personally if H talked about this just in fantasy I could probably go along with it and have some fun BUT if he wanted to do this in RL I would be hurt beyond belief that he wanted to share me.

But that's just me...your wife could have a completely different view on the matter...like anon pink says she may just gagging for the chance to shag that hunky guy at work she's been watching.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I would lose all respect for any man who would utter a hint of this addled brained sh!t. He would be ushered out of my sight forever. 

I will never understand how some men get to the point where they think that they have the right to use their wives for their sexual pleasure? 

How does a woman who they once loved and the mother of their children become a warm set of holes for their use? 

I think there needs to be a psychiatric study to discover what type of new mental illness has beset these men. Is it possible that years of exposure to internet porn is causing a new degenerative brain disorder characterized by the dehumanization of women? 

Along with that, delusions of entitlement to use women for their sexual pleasure? Some type of mental illness has got to be at the root of such profoundly dysfunction thinking. Otherwise, how can they think of pimping out their own wives? 

How do they go from love and protect to this! 

Women need to have a canned answer for men who try this sh!t on. Tell him to fulfill your fantasy first. How about giving a man a bj while being filmed for posting on a porn site. 

OP tell me how you would feel if your wife asked you to do that. There's your answer.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

You didn't finish the title - how would a woman respond to her H watching her with another..... woman? Man?

Although I don't think it would go over well with her - I'm curious if you were talking about girl/girl.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Your wife is the person to share your fantasies with. Mine wants to watch me with another woman and I hardly consider that offensive. I talk her through scenarios during sex and it sends her through the roof. 

Too lazy to do it for real though. Frisbee might be OK, if they're any good.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I would lose all respect for any man who would utter a hint of this addled brained sh!t. He would be ushered out of my sight forever.



 WOW!! I pity the husband who decides to actually share a sexual fantasy with you. That kind of hostile reaction is one reason why couples are afraid to communicate and have so many sexual problems as a result. 




> I will never understand how some men get to the point where they think that they have the right to use their wives for their sexual pleasure?


I wasn't aware that asking your wife if she would enjoy a fantasy equaled "using" her. 

And a question - if a husband doesn't get sexual pleasure from his wife, who else is he supposed to turn to??


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I think AS A FANTASY it's fine to role play it between the two of you. Heck, I've pretended that fantasy more than a few times with my husband. It was just pretend and fantasy... It was fun to pretend. I don't have a problem with fantasy and talking about it.

I wouldn't recommend actually bringing a third person into the sexual relationship to experience it for real. That's where I draw the line. I think bringing a new person into the bedroom opens a Pandora's Box. I would never agree to am actual threesome, but that's just me and other couples do what works for their marriage. 



Anon Pink said:


> It's not sick. Sick involves children and animals or blood. This is just a fantasy and not all fantasies need to be realized.


I agree. I've heard far sicker sexual fantasies than a threesome among consenting adults.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I would lose all respect for any man who would utter a hint of this addled brained sh!t. He would be ushered out of my sight forever.
> 
> I will never understand how some men get to the point where they think that they have the right to use their wives for their sexual pleasure?
> 
> ...


Although I have never had this sharing fantasy, I know it is a fairly common one among both men AND women, so don't go getting all pissy at the men.

And being taken for their mans pleasure is also a very common fantasy among women, in fact, there have been many threads here started by women trying to figure out how to get their men to do just that...to just take them and have their way with them...to the point where I think it is not just a fantasy with many women, but rather an actual want and sometimes need.

I think your reaction is why many men have difficulties being more assertive in bed and are scared to well, be men.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

As a married dude, I can tell you if my wife wanted to be with another man or asked me to be with another woman, I'd be out like a fat kid in dodgeball. I wouldn't tolerate it. Only you know your wife, though. If I were you, I'd keep it to myself. That's just me, though.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

another example of how having a fantasy doesn't necessarily mean that you want to do it in real life .

a lot of people fail to recognize the danger in feeding fantasy it threatens your marriage .

my husband asked me to do what you're suggesting I would divorce in because I would know that he didn't love me enough to keep me for its own . he'd rather use me to get off .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

As you can see OP, some people are open-minded about fantasies and see them as healthy outlets to share with their spouse, and some are so close-minded and condemnatory it's surprising they even have eyes and ears in their heads!

Fantasy, however, is one thing - taking a fantasy into reality is a huge step that most won't and shouldn't take, and many who do can't handle it and damage (or even destroy) their relationship.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Although I have never had this sharing fantasy, I know it is a fairly common one among both men AND women, so don't go getting all pissy at the men.
> 
> And being taken for their mans pleasure is also a very common fantasy among women, in fact, there have been many threads here started by women trying to figure out how to get their men to do just that...to just take them and have their way with them...to the point where I think it is not just a fantasy with many women, but rather an actual want and sometimes need.
> 
> I think your reaction is why many men have difficulties being more assertive in bed and are scared to well, be men.


That comparing apples to oranges. You going to a whole new level when you introduce a 3rd person in marriage. Why not stay single if that what you want. Full disclosure: I admit to the fantasy you say above about want to be taken but it a fantasy not a need.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> That comparing apples to oranges. You going to a whole new level when you introduce a 3rd person in marriage. Why not stay single if that what you want. Full disclosure: I admit to the fantasy you say above about want to be taken but it a fantasy not a need.


I do realize they are two unrelated fantasies. The poster I was responding to was the one who introduced the idea of a man taking his woman for his own pleasure in addition to the being with another man. You are right, that is certainly different from introducing a third person.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

1lovingmarriage said:


> I've had this fantasy for quite and while now and don't know if I should keep it to myself or talk to her about it. Any advice ladies?


Generally, women prefer displays of high value in their mates. Getting sexual pleasure from watching another man pleasure your wife (presumably in ways you can't) is about as low a display of value as they come. I wouldn't recommend it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

1lovingmarriage said:


> I've had this fantasy for quite and while now and don't know if I should keep it to myself or talk to her about it. Any advice ladies?


There are many threads in the cwi section. If you want a divorce this is a sure fire way to do it.

She would honestly conclude you do not care a whole lot for her. She will think, even if sub consciously, that you don't love her or you would not be pimping her out.

The wailing and gnashing of teeth is awful when the wife finds the new partner really understands her, listens to her and loves her for who she really is instead of the perverted dog that gave her to another man .


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> There are many threads in the cwi section. If you want a divorce this is a sure fire way to do it.
> 
> She would honestly conclude you do not care a whole lot for her. She will think, even if sub consciously, that you don't love her or you would not be pimping her out.
> 
> The wailing and gnashing of teeth is awful when the wife finds the new partner really understands her, listens to her and loves her for who she really is instead of the perverted dog that gave her to another man .


Not to mention the other guy will be bigger, better, and get her body to respond in ways you never dreamed of...and she will do things to him that she would never dream of wanting to do with you...


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

If my husband came to me with that fantasy I probably wouldn't mind doing a bit of role play.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> I would lose all respect for any man who would utter a hint of this addled brained sh!t. He would be ushered out of my sight forever.


When I first came here Catherine, I didn't like you much. I've changed, you've changed...

I really like you now :smthumbup:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

My response would be that he doesn't value me or our relationship as much as I do, and I would lose immediate interest in him.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

The original post isn't clear to me. Is he talking about role play and fantasy talk or actually bringing another person to live out the fantasy. Hopefully he clarifies what he meant.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

If it's his fantasy...fine. I, however, do not want to hear it.....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Theseus said:


> And a question - if a husband doesn't get sexual pleasure from his wife, who else is he supposed to turn to??


There's a different between using and giving. Women know when they are being used just to fulfill their man's needs. What she was saying, I think, is that when did it become ok for men to bring up the idea of sharing HER BODY with someone else STRICTLY for his pleasure? That's not intimacy. That's not giving sexually. That's using.

For me, sex in a committed relationship is about connection and trust and intimacy. Sharing is awesome. Fantasies are cool, but within reason. I don't want to know that my mate wants me to be with others. I didn't say "I do" to sleep with others. You dont' have to say everything that crosses your mind. 

But for me, in a sexual experience, both parties should be giving, not seeing what they can take from the other.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't think it's equal among men and women to bring someone else into the bedroom.

If that was in my head, I'd probably be done with my relationship and just want to be with that other person.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

that_girl said:


> There's a different between using and giving. Women know when they are being used just to fulfill their man's needs. What she was saying, I think, is that when did it become ok for men to bring up the idea of sharing HER BODY with someone else STRICTLY for his pleasure? That's not intimacy. That's not giving sexually. That's using.


I completely agree. Of course, there is the scenario where SHE would enjoy it for her own pleasure, as well as for her husband's pleasure. In that case, no one is using anyone. This is often the case in cuckold relationships.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Generally, women prefer displays of high value in their mates.


 No, women prefer _successful men_. 

This is the deceit of pick-up artist literature - replacing bona fide success with silly jargon. Using that jargon is proof a fellow wasn't successful in the arenas of competition with other men, and is looking for ways to fake it. Because success takes too much hard work. Successful men are not heard uttering this pretentious vocabulary, I suppose with the one exception of the men who were successful at selling this crap to the guys that fall for it. Con men are successful in a way of speaking. 

The genuinely successful man is crushing his opposition on the field, and the pickup artist groupie is not even in the game, but he's pea****ing with that silly hat. 



> Getting sexual pleasure from watching another man pleasure your wife (presumably in ways you can't) is about as low a display of value as they come. I wouldn't recommend it.


One of the other bizarre things about sifting through that literature is the pretense that all men and women are the same, without recognition of the obvious wide variety in everything from anal, S&M, sock fetishes, role-playing, to threesomes and swinging etc. They can't even view the world outside of that extremely narrow pickup artist jargon framing. 

The "presumably in ways you can't" is just a transparent put-down. I could say equally absurd things about gays and lesbians, like they weren't good enough for someone of the opposite sex. That would be a demonstration of narrow-mindedness, not insight.


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## tryingtoenjoylife (Mar 30, 2012)

Wow, one simple question and a whole lot of hatred.

My question to some of the hatred. If you can't share your fantasy with your wife/loved one, who can you share it with? Second question. If you can't get sexual pleasure from your wife/loved one, who are you supposed to get sexual pleasure with?

About the most adult female response came from TiggyBlue.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Wiserforit said:


> No, women prefer _successful men_.


Granted. But, are you arguing that women are capable of magically divining successful men from unsuccessful men? If so, then I disagree. I think men have to display their success in order for women to be attracted to them.



> This is the deceit of pick-up artist literature - replacing bona fide success with silly jargon. Using that jargon is proof a fellow wasn't successful in the arenas of competition with other men, and is looking for ways to fake it. Because success takes too much hard work. Successful men are not heard uttering this pretentious vocabulary, I suppose with the one exception of the men who were successful at selling this crap to the guys that fall for it. Con men are successful in a way of speaking.


So, in your experience, a man who succeeds in his endeavors just has his pick of quality women? Hard working men who earn good salaries can just waltz into a night club and steal women away from the out of work dudes who dress like rock stars? That must be why the night club scene in most major cities is dominated by engineers and computer scientists wearing their Dockers and plaid shirts, right? 



> The genuinely successful man is crushing his opposition on the field, and the pickup artist groupie is not even in the game, but he's pea****ing with that silly hat.


Well, it depends on what field you're talking about. I would agree that a PUA wearing a fuzzy hat wouldn't be much value in the board room of a pharmaceutical company. But, the PUA would probably have better success with a woman he just met at a nightclub than the average pharmaceutical executive.



> One of the other bizarre things about sifting through that literature is the pretense that all men and women are the same, without recognition of the obvious wide variety in everything from anal, S&M, sock fetishes, role-playing, to threesomes and swinging etc. They can't even view the world outside of that extremely narrow pickup artist jargon framing.


Dude, you even quoted my sentence that began with the word "generally." Do yourself a favor and look up words that you don't understand. Just for the record, "generally" does not mean the same thing as "universally." It just makes you look stupid when you get basic words wrong.



> The "presumably in ways you can't" is just a transparent put-down. I could say equally absurd things about gays and lesbians, like they weren't good enough for someone of the opposite sex. That would be a demonstration of narrow-mindedness, not insight.


If you get off with a cuckold fetish, that's fine with me. But don't pretend that it's not about humiliation. I am open-minded enough to understand that some men enjoy being humiliated and some women enjoy humiliating their men. But it's not typical.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

tryingtoenjoylife said:


> Wow, one simple question and a whole lot of hatred.


What did you expect? Your fantasy is revolting to most women.



> My question to some of the hatred. If you can't share your fantasy with your wife/loved one, who can you share it with? Second question. If you can't get sexual pleasure from your wife/loved one, who are you supposed to get sexual pleasure with?


Are you stating that you believe that a spouse should only ever have positive responses to the fantasies of their loved ones? I disagree. What if your wife came to you and said that she has a fantasy that involves abducting a young girl, raping her, and killing her. Would feel an obligation to indulge her in her fantasy, or at least be supportive about it? Or, would you express revulsion for something that could never possibly arouse you?



> About the most adult female response came from TiggyBlue.


I think you mean positive. If you only wanted responses from those who can view cuckolding fantasies positively, you should have stated such in your original thread.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think she would find him less attractive and less worthy of respect. If he went through with it, she should file for D.

I think she should also feel rejected because frankly, the husband is asking her to release him from his pledge of loyalty and fidelity to her so he can rub his body parts against some other woman's body parts.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Granted. But, are you arguing that women are capable of magically divining successful men from unsuccessful men? If so, then I disagree. I think men have to display their success in order for women to be attracted to them.


Magic?! Being on the front page of the newspaper or featured on television is what happens to the most successful men, and as we drop down to highly successful but without local fame we have a simple line like "I am a surgeon" that requires no display.




> So, in your experience, a man who succeeds in his endeavors just has his pick of quality women? Hard working men who earn good salaries can just waltz into a night club and steal women away from the out of work dudes who dress like rock stars? That must be why the night club scene in most major cities is dominated by engineers and computer scientists wearing their Dockers and plaid shirts, right?


See, this "nightclub" framing is all the pick-up artist groupie is capable of viewing the world from. A successful man doesn't need nightclubs in the first place. If he is a surgeon in a hospital, he has nurses all over him. If he is a professional basketball player they are waiting for him outside the arena, screaming for his attention. 

Engineers and computer scientists that go to church, the gym, belong to martial arts clubs or whatever and have extended family/friend networks, and these are far more common platforms for meeting life mates than picking people up in bars. 

Even so, if you meet someone in a bar, one of the first things you learn is what they do for a living. A well-dressed unemployed bum is no match for a casually dressed engineer who has a 401K bursting with dough. 



> Well, it depends on what field you're talking about. I would agree that a PUA wearing a fuzzy hat wouldn't be much value in the board room of a pharmaceutical company. But, the PUA would probably have better success with a woman he just met at a nightclub than the average pharmaceutical executive.


With women who aren't worth the time of day. A woman who doesn't have her head up her rear end knows a pharmaceutical executive is a far better mate than a loser in a fuzzy hat. 

That's why the pharmaceutical executive is home with his hot wife and the loser is in a bar wearing his fuzzy hat. 




> Dude, you even quoted my sentence that began with the word "generally." Do yourself a favor and look up words that you don't understand. Just for the record, "generally" does not mean the same thing as "universally." It just makes you look stupid when you get basic words wrong.


This man is not in a bar. He is married. But the blindness of the pick-up artist groupie frames everything, as you have, in terms of picking up women in bars. That scene constitutes a tiny, tiny fraction of human relationship interaction and certainly not the upper end of it, that's for sure. 



> If you get off with a cuckold fetish, that's fine with me. But don't pretend that it's not about humiliation. I am open-minded enough to understand that some men enjoy being humiliated and some women enjoy humiliating their men. But it's not typical.


Heh. You obviously have a need to project "cuckold" to make yourself feel bigger by shaming. That's actually a pretty strong sign of an insecurity yourself. 

Defending gay people doesn't make you gay, as if that were anything to be ashamed of. Same with defending others who have these kinds of fantasies. The bigots are the ones with the problem, not the people with minority interests.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Wiserforit said:


> That's why the pharmaceutical executive is home with his hot wife and the loser is in a bar wearing his fuzzy hat.


Your contention is that average guys who earn decent livings are more successful with women than men who understand the psychology of attraction and can give women what they are looking for. I suppose I kind of agree and I kind of disagree.

I disagree that a typical engineer (not a famous celebrity) will have more success with women he's just met (regardless of the location) than a less successful man who understands women's desires. The man who understands women will have more relationships with more attractive women than the more successful, less socially adept man.

I agree that, in a long-term relationship, an out-of-work man will wear thin and ultimately become less attractive than a reliably employed engineer.



> This man is not in a bar. He is married. But the blindness of the pick-up artist groupie frames everything, as you have, in terms of picking up women in bars. That scene constitutes a tiny, tiny fraction of human relationship interaction and certainly not the upper end of it, that's for sure.


Yes, bars are a fraction of human interaction. But the interaction that it is being framed is focused on attraction and seduction. Insisting that one can learn nothing about attraction from a man who devotes a large portion of his time to attracting women is just foolish. One might as well argue that one can learn nothing about golf from a PGA player, or one can learn nothing about medicine from a doctor.

Also, I don't understand your shaming language directed toward people who desire short term relationships. You defend a man who wants to be cuckolded as just another legitimate sexual choice. But you shame women who prefer socially adept, less successful men in short term relationships as low quality. For men, you think computer scientists with large bank balances are better than bartenders and artists without as much wealth. Are you insecure about your wealth, or how attractive women find you? That would certainly explain your hostility toward men who are adept at seducing women.



> Heh. You obviously have a need to project "cuckold" to make yourself feel bigger by shaming. That's actually a pretty strong sign of an insecurity yourself.


Not at all. I'm simply using the English language. Since your vocabulary is obviously limited, and you apparently have an aversion to dictionaries, I'll help you out, again. A cuckold is a man whose wife has had sex with another man. It's as simple as that. That's exactly the fantasy of the OP.



> Defending gay people doesn't make you gay, as if that were anything to be ashamed of. Same with defending others who have these kinds of fantasies. The bigots are the ones with the problem, not the people with minority interests.


I am not attacking anyone. I acknowledge the OP's fetish. I am not telling him to change his sexual preferences. I am simply informing the OP that most women aren't attracted to men who want to be cuckolded. It's likely that the OP's wife shares the opinion of most women and won't view the OP's fantasy positively.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

But fantasy and reality aren't the same thing, I haven't seen anywhere in op post that he was looking to push this fantasy to really happen.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"Sweetie, I love and cherish you. I'd take a bullet for you. You are the only woman on earth for me...now, how about having sex with some other dude while I watch?"


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> Although I have never had this sharing fantasy, I know it is a fairly common one among both men AND women, so don't go getting all pissy at the men.
> 
> And being taken for their mans pleasure is also a very common fantasy among women, in fact, there have been many threads here started by women trying to figure out how to get their men to do just that...to just take them and have their way with them...to the point where I think it is not just a fantasy with many women, but rather an actual want and sometimes need.
> 
> I think your reaction is why many men have difficulties being more assertive in bed and are scared to well, be men.





Theseus said:


> WOW!! I pity the husband who decides to actually share a sexual fantasy with you. That kind of hostile reaction is one reason why couples are afraid to communicate and have so many sexual problems as a result.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


At first I thought he wanted to ask her to do this IRL. I read it over when everyone said it was just sharing a fantasy. And it appears that he is asking if he should share the fantasy. 

Hearing it from my husband would change the way I think of him and who he is. As long as I've known him, he has been very possessive and protective of me and our kids. It is one of the major traits that I love. 

Maybe having a fantasy of sharing me would not mean that he wants it to happen IRL but I would have a hard time with it anyway. So I would rather not hear it. Touches on too many of my insecurities. 

Sharing fantasies is tricky. I think like anything else, you have to be selective. You know your partner and you know their hot button issues. best not to share fantasies that might touch on these issues. 

For example, if a wife had large penis fantasies, how would the average man feel about it? It's just a fantasy right? Harmless. But it's not. It touches on very sensitive area of male sexuality, his penis. 

Is it good enough. I would never share a big penis fantasy with my husband. Too risky and not worth the possibility of him thinking that he is not enough. 

A sensitive area for many women is feeling that they are special to their husband. Sharing fantasies that touch upon that issue may be too risky. Not if the woman is self confident though. 

My strong reaction has to do with me. I have issues. Thats why i am here. I have changed a lot with the help of some very kind and tolerant people on TAM. Thanks Larry. 

I would not know how differently I think if I did not say what I think. So I say exactly what I think for that reason. 

Don't be bothered by it. What I say has nothing to do with what the average woman thinks or feels. There is probably a small subset of women who have similar issues. The things I share may be helpful to men whose wives may be similar.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Sharing fantasies is tricky. I think like anything else, you have to be selective. You know your partner and you know their hot button issues. best not to share fantasies that might touch on these issues.


:iagree:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Have to add - my feeling have not changed about a man actually asking his wife to do this in real life. 

I think it is pimping. But that's me.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Have to add - my feeling have not changed about a man actually asking his wife to do this in real life.
> 
> I think it is pimping. But that's me.




In the context of what I said before, I would NOT want my wife to share a fantasy of her wanting two men. I agree with you whole heartedly that some fantasies are better kept to ones self if they would cause potential damage to the relationship.

Just for the record...I do not have a sharing fantasy. I am possessive of my STBW, and treasure, cherish. and love her far too much to even entertain the thought of sharing her. It actually completely disgusts me.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Your contention is that average guys who earn decent livings are more successful with women than men who understand the psychology of attraction and can give women what they are looking for.


That is not my contention. This is you, once again, pretending that pick-up artist groupies are the men women are attracted to: that memorizing jargon and faking it instead of _being successful _ makes you attractive. 



> I disagree that a typical engineer (not a famous celebrity) will have more success with women he's just met (regardless of the location) than a less successful man who understands women's desires. The man who understands women will have more relationships with more attractive women than the more successful, less socially adept man.


Same B.S. assertion that pick-up artist groupies are the ones who "understand women". I disagree. 



> I agree that, in a long-term relationship, an out-of-work man will wear thin and ultimately become less attractive than a reliably employed engineer.


You mean longer than five minutes? 



> Yes, bars are a fraction of human interaction. But the interaction that it is being framed is focused on attraction and seduction. Insisting that one can learn nothing about attraction from a man who devotes a large portion of his time to attracting women is just foolish. One might as well argue that one can learn nothing about golf from a PGA player, or one can learn nothing about medicine from a doctor.


My God, you can't even see how backwards this thinking is. A person should learn from the man who doesn't have to spend ANY time trying to make himself attractive to women instead of the loser who is spending night after night in bars.




> Also, I don't understand your shaming language directed toward people who desire short term relationships. You defend a man who wants to be cuckolded as just another legitimate sexual choice. But you shame women who prefer socially adept, less successful men in short term relationships as low quality.


I am talking to YOU. I disagree strongly with your claim to having insight on what women are attracted to, and the evidence is overwhelming. Who are the hot women with? Not losers who spend all their time in bars, that's for sure. 




> For men, you think computer scientists with large bank balances are better than bartenders and artists without as much wealth. Are you insecure about your wealth, or how attractive women find you? That would certainly explain your hostility toward men who are adept at seducing women.


That was hilarious.  Hey, you can't get me angry, and it is proof how bankrupt your position is, just trying to manipulate me to anger. 

Successful men don't have to be rich, and you know that. You are the one who mentioned engineers and computer scientists, both of whom are fantastically wealthy compared to unemployed bums we were comparing them to. 

Now you have changed the subject disengenuously to other kinds of successful men.




> A cuckold is a man whose wife has had sex with another man. It's as simple as that. That's exactly the fantasy of the OP.


The _fantasy_ is not a cuckold. Nor is swinging or threesomes, both of which have a wife with another man.

The term has generally meant the husband of the adulterous wife, and not because it is a fantasy of his - exactly the opposite. He doesn't want his wife screwing another man but doesn't do anything about it because he lacks self-respect and dignity. 




> I am not attacking anyone. I acknowledge the OP's fetish.


My eyes are working perfectly, watching you denigrate the OP and pretend it is the same thing as a man whose wife is having affairs against his will.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

tryingtoenjoylife said:


> Wow, one simple question and a whole lot of hatred.
> 
> My question to some of the hatred. If you can't share your fantasy with your wife/loved one, who can you share it with? Second question. If you can't share sexual pleasure with your wife/loved one, who are you supposed to share sexual pleasure with?
> 
> About the most adult female response came from TiggyBlue.


FIFU 

Not sure how much we reveal with language but it may be a significant amount. She will trust you better if you make sure that she knows you have her pleasure on par with your own. 

If she thinks sex is something she gives you then she will be suspect of everything that you suggest that is new or different. She may think you have only your pleasure in mind. 

If she knows that you will take care of her and yourself, she feels safe and may welcome your adventurousness for bringing new experiences that she enjoys along with you.

I can't express to you how important it is for most women to feel safe. Female sexual expression seems to meet with hostility at times and openness at others. It is confusing and so many women are cautious and inhibited.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

that_girl said:


> There's a different between using and giving. Women know when they are being used just to fulfill their man's needs. What she was saying, I think, is that when did it become ok for men to bring up the idea of sharing HER BODY with someone else STRICTLY for his pleasure? That's not intimacy. That's not giving sexually. That's using.


Sure, but you don't know it would be strictly for his own pleasure. You (and Catherine) were adding stuff that isn't there. His wife hasn't even heard about this fantasy or given her reaction to it yet. "Using" would only apply if she already rejected that fantasy, but he was pushing her to try it.

BTW, I'm one of those people who become aroused by seeing my partner aroused. There can't be any "using" in our marriage no matter what the fantasy is, because even if it's not my cup of tea, I'll enjoy it because she's enjoying it. So my spouse knows that she can share any fantasy with me at all. I think that's a more healthy way to base an intimate relationship. It's not a zero-sum game where for one party to enjoy, the other party has to suffer!



PHTlump said:


> Are you stating that you believe that a spouse should only ever have positive responses to the fantasies of their loved ones?


If by "positive" you mean attempting to be understanding, react non-judgmentally and without hostility, then the answer is yes. 



> _I disagree. What if your wife came to you and said that she has a fantasy that involves abducting a young girl, raping her, and killing her._


Kidnap, rape and murder are a far cry from a threesome, but if my wife had such a fantasy, then I would try to understand it and figure out what the need is coming from. I wouldn't leave her on the spot, like some people in this forum are suggesting. And I would try to roleplay it out as far as I could (kidnap and rape are great roleplay, but murder would be past my limit).


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> I think she should also feel rejected because frankly, the husband is asking her to release him from his pledge of loyalty and fidelity to her so he can rub his body parts against some other woman's body parts.




The OP didn't say that. He's not asking to "rub his body parts" against someone else. He has a fantasy of his wife doing it. That might not be different to you, but it's very different to others. 

And BTW, several people call this a "cuckold" fantasy. But the OP didn't say anything about the other person being a man. It may be that he just wants to watch his wife with another woman, which is probably one of the most normal fantasies there is. 

I'm saying these two things because one thing that bothers me greatly on these forums is when people keep adding things into these questions that aren't even there (usually because people are projecting their own life situation into it). Then the OPs get lambasted for things they never even said. I've seen this happen again and again.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

tryingtoenjoylife said:


> Wow, one simple question and a whole lot of hatred.
> 
> My question to some of the hatred. If you can't share your fantasy with your wife/loved one, who can you share it with? Second question. If you can't get sexual pleasure from your wife/loved one, who are you supposed to get sexual pleasure with?
> 
> About the most adult female response came from TiggyBlue.


Just because you don't like the response does not decrease it's validity one bit...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I would lose all respect for any man who would utter a hint of this addled brained sh!t. He would be ushered out of my sight forever.
> 
> *I will never understand how some men get to the point where they think that they have the right to use their wives for their sexual pleasure? *
> 
> ...


:scratchhead:

I would hope that this would be okay? Am I wrong here?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

sinnister said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I would hope that this would be okay? Am I wrong here?


I think they were saying you have a hand, and perhaps to use that. But it is not safe to assume that your wife is obligated to provide you intimacy and pleasure.


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

I think what is important here is not how "a woman" would respond, but rather how your woman would respond.

Speaking only for myself, would I slap my husband for proposing the idea? No. But I would be a little hurt, because we entered into our marriage with a mutual agreement on monogamy. Beyond that, bringing other people into our sexual life would open the door to a whole slew of problems. In my mind, the risk far outweighs any potential reward. 

So, specifically, how would I respond? "We're not bringing anyone else into our bedroom, but if you can think of something just the two of us can do to make things more exciting I'm all ears." Sorry, OP, I'm sure that's probably not what you wanted to hear. Your partner may feel differently.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I knew a man some years back that wanted to see his wife with a man or a group of men having sex while he videoed the as he put it "action". To know the man you would understand. He really didn't love or respect her like a husband should. She on the other hand was a nice woman and after some coaxing agreed to it. They found her a suitable man that they both trusted and he had his way with her while the husband did the video thing and he directed them. Ok this position, now this and so forth. Then it happened again and it became pretty common for them.

The guy was on a power trip. He enjoyed the idea that he had control over the whole thing and to him he was a pimp and she was is *****. He was a porn director and she was the porn star. It was her naked ass on the video, not his and when she finally said that she was getting tired of it, he told her that their marriage was over. She demanded the movies and he gave them to her but the damage was done. She might have destroyed the evidence but he never let her live it down and brought it up any time there was a disagreement. It drove her to a breakdown to the point she lost her kids and he was then the primary parent. It's sad and disgusting to treat someone in that manner. He died of cancer and she never showed up at his funeral.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I will do just about anything in the bedroom with my husband, except bring another person into the bedroom


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

sinnister said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I would hope that this would be okay? Am I wrong here?


Again, USING isn't intimate or romantic.

Sharing, exchanging, wanting to GIVE sexually (mutually from both partners) is how i want my married sex.

I can be used by anyone. I can use anyone. But my goal is to have a mutually giving sexual experience. No using.

Like another poster said, not in these words but still....If you just wanna use my hole....go use your hand.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

6301 said:


> I knew a man some years back that wanted to see his wife with a man or a group of men having sex while he videoed the as he put it "action". To know the man you would understand. He really didn't love or respect her like a husband should. She on the other hand was a nice woman and after some coaxing agreed to it. They found her a suitable man that they both trusted and he had his way with her while the husband did the video thing and he directed them. Ok this position, now this and so forth. Then it happened again and it became pretty common for them.
> 
> The guy was on a power trip. He enjoyed the idea that he had control over the whole thing and to him he was a pimp and she was is *****. He was a porn director and she was the porn star. It was her naked ass on the video, not his and when she finally said that she was getting tired of it, he told her that their marriage was over. She demanded the movies and he gave them to her but the damage was done. She might have destroyed the evidence but he never let her live it down and brought it up any time there was a disagreement. It drove her to a breakdown to the point she lost her kids and he was then the primary parent. It's sad and disgusting to treat someone in that manner. He died of cancer and she never showed up at his funeral.


this would be a great thing to do in a fault divorce state. Get the video and go after adultery as the reason for divorce... thus she would lose big time in the settlement. There would be no way to prove that he was taking the video.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

People say time and again that fantasy doesn't represent what you want to do in real life. Then someone mentions doing it via role play.

Children learn through play. They act out what they want to do and develop skills doing so. Their play prepares them for real life.

Somehow, all of this psychological training and preparing for an activity is not considered when sexual fantasy is involved. I don't buy it.

My suggestion is that people want to do the majority of their fantasies but are too afraid to do them. Thus the incessant "what would he/she say if I asked them to participate in" <fill in "fantasy">?" questions.

Only the people who have the guts to admit they want to act out fantasies are on the high end of the honesty scale. Those who say they aren't interested are almost certainly saying the fantasy isn't worth the fallout. Erase that fallout and you'd get the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Okay, I've read thru all 4 pages of this thread and still cannot determine if the OP's question was opening up to his wife about a sexual "fantasy" of his, or wanted to suggest this idea to his wife for a real life sexual encounter.

Big differences between sexual fantasy and sexual reality.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hey OP, your wife just posted her own thread....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/113626-husband-asked-threesome.html


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

sinnister said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I would hope that this would be okay? Am I wrong here?


I guess in a sense men can expect to have sexual pleasure with their wives. We are probably on the same wavelength. What I meant - I don't think that sex in a LTR is using each other's bodies for pleasure. 

I think it more of sharing sexual pleasure. I don't own my husbands body. If I felt that way, I might think I have a right to tell him what to do with it. 

Like some women don't want their husband to masturbate or to look at porn for an aide. :scratchhead: Do you think that's alright? 

He maintains the choice of what to do. I am happy he makes the decision to share himself with me.

He is not my sex slave. Although I have a fantasy of being his for a day.  But that different. 

It's like a husband getting the idea that he'd like to see some other man fvck his wife. If he felt she shared her body with him but it was her's, he would not entertain the idea of sharing her out like a pimp.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

waiwera said:


> I get the feeling catherine is talking about women being *used* as opposed to enjoyed/ravished and mutually pleasured during sex.
> 
> I'm happy to be my hubbies 'plaything'...because i know he loves and respects me. I don't cry or feel dirty or used EVER after we have sex. I feel loved and sexy.
> 
> ...


Thanks, you said what I was trying to say only better!


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## afman (Jul 25, 2013)

that's purely fantasy but really seducing when sharing with this with partner


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