# New to divorce and need advice



## Lost and scared (May 8, 2020)

I am about to go thru a divorce and feel totally lost. I am on disablity can't afford attorney at all. My wife wants a divorce. I feel it is time for this too. She wants everything and I should have nothing. I am willing to give the house all furniture, even custody of kids and yet she wants my disability income. All I want is my low income it's only 1300 a month. She collects 1600 a month from renters plus gets 200 for each of my two kids and another 200 for herself off my disability and she feels I should give her 900 of my 1300 to support her. How do I live on 400 a month all I want tis my reg income my car and my clothes. She has been so controlling for 20 years. She won't let me have any money. She won't let me leave the yard without her. I can't have friends. We haven't been intimate for 8 years. I have tried she just pushes me away. I have had to sleep on a couch for a year I have slept in the same room as her for 5 years,. Her choice. She belittles me in front of others,. Thinks it's funny. I have to beg for everything I need. She won't even let me have my own phone. I have never cheated on her yet she has on me 8 years ago 10+ times. I forgave her. Yet she says I'm out hooking up. I do t even leave my yard without her.. what do I do. How do I get out? Life is so miserable. I am alone 90 percent of every day. Please advise me....


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You can to to a few lawyers to find out information -- you NEED to. Many lawyers will give a first consultation for FREE. Look up the divorce process/laws for your state BEFORE going to them to maximize the info you can get from them.
You can ask about having HER pay the legal fees since you are on disability. SHE makes more than you -- so SHE will probably have to pay YOU alimony. Just because she WANTS doesn't mean she gets.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

BTW, don't be "willing" to give up ANYTHING -- work with the lawyers to see what is TYPICAL in your situation.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OP sorry you're going through this. 

Pls see the above responses, play close attention.

There are lawyers you can have initial consults free with, and try and see one with divorce and disability experience. 

Her wants don't equate to you having to do things.

It's almost a certainty you'll not have to give up any disability and she'll likely have to pay you alimony. 

Don't, don't. don't make any agreements with her.

Sadly she's defined herself as your enemy as tragic and hurtful as it sounds. You'll want to, and have to start thinking of yourself first in every consideration with her.

It will be hard but will get easier, there are success stories here, and good folks that will grieve with you, give helpful advice, and shine a light towards the end of the tunnel you'll be going through. 

Take heart. 

Take care of yourself. If she has any access to your accounts think about cutting her off before she drains the monies.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

From a brief internet search (so not by any means true legal advice). If she isn't working and has no other income it does appear she may ask for alimony IF
you were married for at least 10 years and she is older than 62.

I was shocked that she might be able to ask for alimony at all but a brief search shows it MIGHT be possible. HOWEVER I doubt she'd get more than you get at 900 / month. How old are your kids? She would most likely qualify for child support. IF you give her the house and 1600/month income then she shouldn't get alimony because she is the higher wage earner and you could ask for alimony. My guess that is actually a marital asset even though she keeps and spends the money.

I second CALL a lawyer. If she keeps the house and income there should be no alimoney and reduced child support.
You should consider keeping the house yourself and hiring a rental agency that would collect rent and hire maintenance people when necessary. The keep usually 5 to 10% and of course you pay for any handyman stuff. However that would give you additional income. You could pay child support which ends and Alimony which would end if she gets remarried but the rental income goes on forever and eventually it's a paid for piece of property with value.

She is greedy and she is asking too much, talk to a lawyer and find out what they think you should do. Talk to more than one. Some aren't very good or too lenient or too hard. The first talk is free. I'm sure the office of disability also has some information about topics like this.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

This is a business transaction. She doesn’t get to dictate terms. See an attorney and get everything you’re allowed.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Lost and scared said:


> She won't let me leave the yard without her. I can't have friends.
> ....
> Please advise me....


Leave the yard w/o her and have friends. Slavery has been abolished.


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## habc (Aug 24, 2013)

My friend I am in the same situation. But its been years, I just returned to this site because they helped me so much. This case I think you should do the lawyer thing, because of your disability otherwise I would never recommend a lawyer


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

Lost and scared said:


> I am about to go thru a divorce and feel totally lost. I am on disablity can't afford attorney at all. My wife wants a divorce. I feel it is time for this too. She wants everything and I should have nothing. I am willing to give the house all furniture, even custody of kids and yet she wants my disability income. All I want is my low income it's only 1300 a month. She collects 1600 a month from renters plus gets 200 for each of my two kids and another 200 for herself off my disability and she feels I should give her 900 of my 1300 to support her. How do I live on 400 a month all I want tis my reg income my car and my clothes. She has been so controlling for 20 years. She won't let me have any money. She won't let me leave the yard without her. I can't have friends. We haven't been intimate for 8 years. I have tried she just pushes me away. I have had to sleep on a couch for a year I have slept in the same room as her for 5 years,. Her choice. She belittles me in front of others,. Thinks it's funny. I have to beg for everything I need. She won't even let me have my own phone. I have never cheated on her yet she has on me 8 years ago 10+ times. I forgave her. Yet she says I'm out hooking up. I do t even leave my yard without her.. what do I do. How do I get out? Life is so miserable. I am alone 90 percent of every day. Please advise me....


I do not know what state you live in but most states if you are on disability or limited income they will wave the divorce filling fee , you can do a do it yourself divorce yourself and get the paperwork directly from the court or clerk office , it should not cost you more than 600.00 total .the judge will decide who gets what . Good luck I wish you the bests and you deserve better 😁.


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