# Reconciliation......redux



## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

There is another thread about reconciliation, but it has evolved into a support and cheerleading thread, and while I have no beef with that, and consider it a good thing, I really miss the thread as it was in the beginning. The free exchange of posters opinions, as to the nature, possibility, and effectiveness of reconciliation, and their experiences and successes and failures. 
Last week, I went to the VA hospital to have a little "souvenir", from Afghanistan removed from my back. It was a relatively minor procedure, but while looking at the x-rays, the Doctor discovered a "BB", that had been shot into me, when I was a kid. He removed it, and it was covered in scar tissue, so had not been any problem to me. Later on, I thought about how the body works to repair a minor injury and began to see a similarity to Reconciliation. I am beginning to think that R is the ability of persons in a marriage, to "live with", an injury to that marriage. By dint of hard work, and pain , the BS and WS are able to form protective "scar tissue" around the affair, so that they can carry on with their relationship, and HOPE that it doesn't cause problems , in the future. BUT, it's always there.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I kinda hate analogies because it's just as easy to come up with analogies for counter-arguments.

But good job on removing that iron. An old piece of shrapnel (deemed inoperable at the time) got my gramps later in his life.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

snap said:


> I kinda hate analogies because it's just as easy to come up with analogies for counter-arguments.
> 
> But good job on removing that iron. An old piece of shrapnel (deemed inoperable at the time) got my gramps later in his life.


Sometimes analogies are all we have to work with, when talking about something as nebulous as human emotions.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I like the idea of considering the affair an old wound. Looking at it like that makes me more excited and able to feel it can truly one day be behind me. 
I also like that it is the marriage's scar not the BS's alone. Makes it more of a team work kind of thing and in looking at it that way it feels less like I alone own it. We own it and it is in the healing stages......sorry rambling thoughts.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Kurosity said:


> I like the idea of considering the affair an old wound. Looking at it like that makes me more excited and able to feel it can truly one day be behind me.
> I also like that it is the marriage's scar not the BS's alone. Makes it more of a team work kind of thing and in looking at it that way it feels less like I alone own it. We own it and it is in the healing stages......sorry rambling thoughts.


Yes, I think the scar is on the marriage, itself, because both the BS and WS have to live with it.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

I another thread, Affaircare talked about a similar thing. That continued questioning of the WS was like "picking a scab", but I feel like it is more like opening a wound to let it heal faster.


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