# I can't take much more



## FrancisM (Jun 15, 2013)

I've been married 2 years and 2 months and I just don't think it's for me. Arguments have descended to a whole new level where I scream until I lose my voice and say things that I am very ashamed of. It's like a switch has been flicked and anger is my only way out. I have never before experiences this level of anger in my life toward anyone.

We tried counseling in the first year but after a while my wife refused to attend, her attitude being "others don't need it". I have no parents or siblings to talk to and her parents are not at all interested.


Some of the issues are:
1. Out of the blue she will be hostile, for example she had a fight with her father whilst visiting him on Monday and rang me on the way home and complained and attacked me over several issues.

2. She works now and then and so has little income and lets me pay all of the bills. It's my house, however she does not feel she needs to contribute. If I push the issue she becomes argumentative.

3. She will happily go for a jog at 6pm despite the fact that she knows that I like to eat dinner by 6:30 or 7. She will often arrive back late when it's all overcooked without even an apology.

4. If an issue is on her mind she will sometimes want to argue until 2 or 3 in the morning.

5. Apart from paying all bills, she expects me to pay for all overseas holidays with no contribution to airfares or hotels.

6. We cannot go more than a couple of weeks without a major argument, subsequently I am now very hesitant about bringing children into a home with a high level of conflict. She is 40 and demanding to have children now. I am no longer interested in sexual relations due to the fear of children being exposed to conflict (I grew up in a home where I basically never saw my parents argue).

7. As mentioned at the beginning, our arguments have now descended to the point where we call each other everything under the sun. Again, I am ashamed of this, however it's as though a switch has been flicked and my mind is no longer willing to mince words. This level of anger does actually appear to have made her realize that something needs to change between us.

8. She has a business she has been trying to get off the ground for the seven years that I have known her, it has only made a couple of thousands dollars in that time, however she have poured nearly all of her working weeks into it and I am effectively subsidizing her dream.

9. She recently applied for a $5000 credit card and has maxed it out with no hope of paying it down without my help.

10. I've told her to pack a bag and go a couple of times, she has stayed at her parents for a night or two before we mutually apologize.

I tell her that either we have to change course or separate, she agrees to some extent but will then demand that I do not mention divorce. She seems almost oblivious to our issues and simply wants 2 children this year.

I'm 48 myself and are losing faith that we can make this work. I can honestly say that marriage is the hardest journey I have ever embarked on in my life, and I've embarked on a few.

We appear to be together as a result of having several common interests, however it appears that a meeting of the minds is not the basis, or enough, for a happy marriage.

We both really want our marriage to work, however we've had at least 20 to 30 times more arguments in the first two years than intimate moments together.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Get the F out of Dodge, quickly!!! 

You married her because of love, companionship, and sex, and she hasn't given any of it to you. She's blowing your cash and she reciprocates by being a b*tch? 

Speak to a lawyer and try to walk away from this leach with as little financial damage as possible. You are lucky you don't have any children. Leave her and have her marry someone else to pay for her lifestyle because you don't deserve it. 

Marriage is not for everyone. Don't think you have to when in fact, there is a good case in today's litigious world to never marry.


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## ShameLessLover (Nov 5, 2013)

I so agree with your point 4. But it's much more than the argument in my case.:scratchhead:

My 2 cents will be> whatever you do, do not get her pregnant until you really are happy again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you want out leave. There is plenty of reason.

Do it sooner than later, before she gets pregnant.

What is holding you back?


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Francis, it sounds like your W has serious anger issues, as we discussed last year in your first thread. It would be helpful to know if you have been seeing most of the 18 red flags I posted in your thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/88369-marriage-whats-other-than-grief.html#post2579849.


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## FrancisM (Jun 15, 2013)

Well I'm still holding out, hoping that we can make it work despite the evidence and odds now weighing rather heavily against this happening.

It's just that when it's good, it's great. We seem to share many views, indeed we've just started a part time college course together.

But, when it's bad...... well over the past few months, it's like something snapped and I don't tolerate any BS for a moment, I come down heavy, fire with fire, we appear to try and out scream each other on occasion (pathetic isn't it!?). She then usually sees that stirring up trouble is a lose lose situation.

We're both in our mid forties and we both want children ASAP, however I am not willing to bring any into a home with a significant conflict every 10-14 days. My parents rarely argued, never called one another names and barely raised a voice. From speaking to the marriage counsellor it appears that my parents may have created an unrealistic expectation about married life, they were apparently abnormally harmonious.

She still refuses to attend any further counseling whilst being desperate for a child. For me, well a pregnancy is the last thing I want, or more importantly, can allow, in this environment.

In this life it is certainly the case that what will be will be, we can make changes, however sometimes changes make us. At this stage I will live in hope for a few more months and then I have to face the reality that if I want children that it takes time to find someone, marry and start a family. Then again, some people manage this in a few months and live happily ever after...... well perhaps Jan and Mike Brady anyway.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well by itself getting upset because she's jogging at 6 because YOU like to eat dinner at 6:30 or 7 is pretty petty. Put in context with the whole situation though it sounds like she's just not a full partner, and that's unlikely to change. Decide what you can live with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrancisM (Jun 15, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well by itself getting upset because she's jogging at 6 because YOU like to eat dinner at 6:30 or 7 is pretty petty. Put in context with the whole situation though it sounds like she's just not a full partner, and that's unlikely to change. Decide what you can live with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's actually that 'we' like to have dinner about that time.... unless she decides she'd rather be out running etc. Things have improved a little in the consideration department since then however, which is something.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Interesting thread OP. I can identify with several points. Although, the arguing in my marriage has not yet caused me to shout, the frequency of the arguing is increasing. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, you are not alone. 

The running thing to me seems a little petty. Would you and your wife be willing to take turns making dinner?


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Interesting thread OP. I can identify with several points. Although, the arguing in my marriage has not yet caused me to shout, the frequency of the arguing is increasing. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, you are not alone. 

The running thing to me seems a little petty. Would you and your wife be willing to take turns making dinner?


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