# My husband does not want to talk to our kids.



## loveandmarriage

My husband travels on business and when he is out of town, he does not want to speak to our kids on the phone. Everyday, they ask about daddy and sometimes when I am on the phone with him, the kids want to talk to daddy. However, this last trip lasted 10 days (husband is helping the evacuations for Hurricane Gustav), the government did not organize it effectively, and the people that he had to evacuate were homeless so they were not the most mannerable. So for the last 2 days when my son asked to speak to daddy he said he was not in a good mood and will talk to him when he gets home. My son cried, but soon got over it.

Most of the time, when my husband is out of town, I have to be the one to ask him if he wants to talk to his son. I have asked him previously why he does not ask to speak to him and he said that he cannot understand him. I told my husband that should not matter because, number 1, I usually put him on the speaker so they both can hear and if he can't understand what they are saying, I usually interpret. Number 2, "don't you want to speak to your son?" He says yes, however, his ACTION says that he does not want to speak to the kids. 

If I was out of town and not able to see my kids, I could not go *ONE DAY* without talking to them. I would have to speak to THEM BOTH. Regardless, if I could understand them or not. I would want my kids to hear my voice. 

You should see my kids. When I set the alarm or open the front door and the alarm beeps, they start yelling: "Daddy" or saying his first name. 

I dunno, this whole thing bothers me about him not wanting to talk to the kids. What do you think? Am I looking too much into this?


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## draconis

I always talk to my kids on the phone, I love to do so because they sound so cute.

draconis


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## Honey

loveandmarriage said:


> My husband travels on business and when he is out of town, he does not want to speak to our 3 year old son and 18 month old daughter on the phone. Everyday, they ask about daddy and sometimes when I am on the phone with him, the kids want to talk to daddy. However, this last trip lasted 10 days (husband is helping the evacuations for Hurricane Gustav), the government did not organize it effectively, and the people that he had to evacuate were homeless so they were not the most mannerable. So for the last 2 days when my son asked to speak to daddy he said he was not in a good mood and will talk to him when he gets home. My son cried, but soon got over it.
> 
> Most of the time, when my husband is out of town, I have to be the one to ask him if he wants to talk to his son. I have asked him previously why he does not ask to speak to him and he said that he cannot understand him. I told my husband that should not matter because, number 1, I usually put him on the speaker so they both can hear and if he can't understand what they are saying, I usually interpret. Number 2, "don't you want to speak to your son?" He says yes, however, his ACTION says that he does not want to speak to his son. I MAY be able to accept why he may not want to speak to our 18 month old on the phone because she isn't the best conversationalist, but come on, we are talking about his son who is 3. Who wants to tell daddy about his day.
> 
> If I was out of town and not able to see my kids, I could not go *ONE DAY* without talking to them. I would have to speak to THEM BOTH. Regardless, if I could understand them or not. I would want my kids to hear my voice.
> 
> You should see my kids. When I set the alarm or open the front door and the alarm beeps, they start yelling: "Daddy" or saying his first name.
> 
> I dunno, this whole thing bothers me about him not wanting to talk to the kids. What do you think? Am I looking too much into this?


Sooner or later he will wish he had of, but they may be up in age before he will admit he should have done this or should have done that, then it will be too late to start again. Men, they don't care to make the babies, but after that, everything is on mommy to do. I don't care if I am up to my ears in work, and so stress out that I could die. My kids will always come first, and I will never be too busy to talk to them.


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## draconis

Honey said:


> Men, they don't care to make the babies, but after that, everything is on mommy to do. I don't care if I am up to my ears in work, and so stress out that I could die. My kids will always come first, and I will never be too busy to talk to them.


That is a sexist statement

draconis


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## Blanca

I realize this is probably nothing like what you are talking about but my sisters always want me to talk to my nieces and nephews (ages 2 yrs-10yrs) over the phone. i hate that. i hate talking on the phone in general, but to kids, i mean what do you say??? 

Maybe you guys can come to some compromise and think of some other way he can communicate with his kids that he actually wants to do. because kids can also feel when someone is impatient with them and doesnt want to talk to them and they internalize it, thinking there is something wrong with them. 

Maybe he can email them or send them something in the mail? Maybe get the kids a pager and he can page them (do they have those anymore???)? he could do something little for them when he goes on trips that lets them know he loves them and is thinking of them.


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## Honey

ljtseng said:


> I realize this is probably nothing like what you are talking about but my sisters always want me to talk to my nieces and nephews (ages 2 yrs-10yrs) over the phone. i hate that. i hate talking on the phone in general, but to kids, i mean what do you say???
> 
> Maybe you guys can come to some compromise and think of some other way he can communicate with his kids that he actually wants to do. because kids can also feel when someone is impatient with them and doesnt want to talk to them and they internalize it, thinking there is something wrong with them.
> 
> Maybe he can email them or send them something in the mail? Maybe get the kids a pager and he can page them (do they have those anymore???)? he could do something little for them when he goes on trips that lets them know he loves them and is thinking of them.


 i hate talking on the phone in general, but to kids, i mean what do you say??? Well, if it's your kids, and you are away from them..you say what have you been doing? Have you been good for mommy? I miss you and love you little man or doll bug. 
It's not what you say that counts. It's just that you say something to them, so they will feel loved, cared about, and feel just as important to you as what you did to get them here.


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## GAsoccerman

sometimes all kids want to hear you say is Hello and that you miss them, I always talk to my kids when traveling, even if it's 2 seconds.


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## snix11

email them, draw them pictures, bring them presents and read them a story over the phone  that way he is communicating with them - yes a small child can be hard to understand but he can still read them a story! give hubby choices?


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## Dancing Nancie

draconis said:


> I always talk to my kids on the phone, I love to do so because they sound so cute.
> 
> draconis


Nice.... Way to rub it in....


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## Dancing Nancie

loveandmarriage said:


> *Number 2, "don't you want to speak to your son?" He says yes, however, his ACTION says that he does not want to speak to his son. *
> *You should see my kids. When I set the alarm or open the front door and the alarm beeps, they start yelling: "Daddy" or saying his first name. *
> I dunno, this whole thing bothers me about him not wanting to talk to the kids. What do you think? Am I looking too much into this?



I think it's right to bother you. The good thing is they are still very small. I would tell him that when he is gone they miss him terribly. Even if he can't understand them, it's good for them to hear his voice while he is gone. 

If you ask him if he does want to speak with his children, of course he is going to say yes! Be careful in the way you ask, it will turn him away, or make him defensive.

Tell him about what you said about the kids thinking daddy is home everytime the alarm beeps, or you open the front door. Say they miss you, and it breaks your heart to see them like that. Just be open with him if this bothers you, and try not to attack him for it.


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## loveandmarriage

Dancing Nancie,

I tried telling him that, but it did not matter. He said it's hard to understand them and sometimes one child is screaming in the background while the other is on the phone, so it's hard to understand what is being said. Sometimes when he is on the phone with me during the day, he will tell me he will call me back because he cannot hear me because the kids are loud in the background. (That stuff does not bother me, but I know it may bother other people.)


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## Dancing Nancie

Well that is a tough one... How much does it bother you that he does this? 

It seems like a battle that would be one of those issues that resolves itself with time if you can accept that is how he is. You need to decide if it's something you need to bring up and address, or just let it be. 

There are times when I call home, and the kids are going wild in the background and I call back. That's just life with kids. If it really bothers you that he doesn't speak with them, tell him that it really bothers you and ask if he can just talk to them, and he doesn't have to listen. When I talk to my daughter at home I just tell her things I know she understands (like I love you so much, are you being good, are you playing). I think it's just hearing a voice that helps.


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## justean

GAsoccerman said:


> sometimes all kids want to hear you say is Hello and that you miss them,


:iagree: with GAsoccerman -
when hubby home next just ask him to be kind and simple, ask him to say a quick hello and tell them he misses them. 
i dont think you wil find this situation uncommon. 
i agree that he cant understand them , which makes it harder. but when im in work i need my children to be quick on the phone, when my hubby tells me they want to speak to me. 
i admit to times of "i havent got time". this is due to my job constraints and my kids want to tell me their probs. when really it should wait until i get home. 
my job can b stressful and being of senior post, well when im at work, im at work.
i have on a few occasions had to tell hubby - i just dont need this in my head when im in work. its actually an unfair advantage , because there is already a parent at home. its not like they have been left without n e one.
a friend of mine hubby has just gone to canada working for family. he phoned for 5 minutes when he got there and she hasnt heard from him since. they have four daughters the youngest being 5. my friend says he is like this all the time. 
no real thought when hes in work. but he hasnt spoken to her either in a week.
i can see your frustrations, but i go 50/50 on this and the fact it might be an over reaction. try not to keep pushing- you wil try so hard and you wil change because of it, which could make other things difficult. 
as long as hubby makes a fuss when home. thats important.
also my neighbour - her hubby is a bodyguard in dubai. hes only allowed back on uk soil for 90 days per year and i promise he makes no effort at all with his kids and there only 4 and 6. hes been a guard snce they were babies. but they know that its dads job.
try and appreciate what you have.


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## MsLady

Have your husband record some children's books on a CD that you can play for them while he's away. That way, even if he refuses to talk to them while gone, you can play it and they will hear his voice reading them a bedtime story.

Another option is to have him bring a small book with him (i.e., "goodnight moon") and then he can read it to them over the phone. If his issues is truly about not having anything to say, this should solve the problem.


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