# How do you relax as a couple in an evening?



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Not sexual relaxation. When the jobs are done and kids are in bed what do you do together to bond or relax? 

Asking for a friend.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W and I like to watch certain programs. With the ways of watching TV(Netflix, Amazon Prime) we can do some binge watching. Recently Mad Men, Lore, Stranger Things and we can record so we can watch a program when we have time. Programs like Blood Bloods and This is Us. The types of programs we do talk about and analyze together. It does have a bonding effect in the sense of communicating ideas or thought concerning the plots, etc.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

My wife and I also have some favored netflix programs and approach them much the same way.

As far as going no-electronics, it's fairly common for us to just take to the couch. I sit, she lays with her head in my lap, and we talk about whatever while I run my fingers through her hair. 

We also live adjacent to a large, attractive and uncrowded open space, so evening walks are common.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

oh boy i got some work to do.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Last night I said let’s get out of the house. We hopped in the truck, got some hot drinks and went to a nice overlook spot. We sat around there for a couple of hours talking and laughing under the stars. Stuff like that or a late dinner gets much more conversation out but sometimes we are wiped out so just get in some couch time watching tv.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Friend has just had a baby (so exhausted in the evening) husband just wants to play on his psp(?). She wants to have non sexual time in the evening when baby is asleep to try and get him away from his gaming and be a couple. All my suggestions have not been successful. 

Thanks for suggestions so far.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

walks with the stroller would be good. A discussion about having non-electronics time together. Put the game down and be in the real world, for petes sake.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

peacem said:


> Friend has just had a baby (so exhausted in the evening) husband just wants to play on his psp(?). She wants to have non sexual time in the evening when baby is asleep to try and get him away from his gaming and be a couple. All my suggestions have not been successful.
> 
> Thanks for suggestions so far.



Your friend wants the marriage to work? Throw out the PSP.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Non sexual is reserved for non wife. I just don't know how to keep my hands off her.

Yes, we watch shows together. But I am constantly caressing Mary while we watch, poor gal. There is a lot of skin, and every bit of it needs attention at some time or other.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

peacem said:


> Friend has just had a baby (so exhausted in the evening) husband just wants to play on his psp(?). She wants to have non sexual time in the evening when baby is asleep to try and get him away from his gaming and be a couple. All my suggestions have not been successful.
> 
> Thanks for suggestions so far.


They just had a baby and have time to relax?? :circle::smnotworthy:
Lucky them!

I don't like watching tv shows but sometimes give into my wife who likes movies or tv shows. I prefer connecting & talking to her instead or inviting a couple of friends over or go out (but with a baby that's probably not a useful suggestion).
Is the question how to unwind or how to get him to stop to play computer games?
'Cos that's different. Why not 'sexual relaxation'? That might be the only way for him to put down the controller


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If we are tired we cuddle up on the sofa and watch something on TV. If we are more energetic we go for a walk in a nearby park.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

How do we relax? We just RELAX and chill the hell out. Sit down somewhere together and chill out. Maybe we are watching sports, maybe we are both on our phones or in a book. We reach out and touch each other and give a kiss every once in a while. Just sit down and close everything else out. Weather we are enjoying the same thing or not at the time doesn't matter. I'm next to her, she is next to me and we just chill out. No conversations about work from her, no conversations about whatever it is going on in the world that bothers me that day. Sit in silence and just enjoy being next to each other. Weather or not we are doing our own thing or engaged in something together. Just sit down next to one another and find your happy place. I rub her leg or she rubs mine. A kiss every once in a while. You dont have to do everything as a couple. I watch YouTube for tv. I might be watching some subscribers new video and she is reading or into a video about whatever the hell it is that interests her that day. But we do it next to each other and give loving signals back and forth. Appreciate the time we have to just relax and enjoy our own things next to one another. 

You don't have to even be into the same things to do this. That is the beauty of it. I don't hold a grudge she isnt into survival and backpacking and bushcraft that I'm in to. She doesn't hold a grudge I'm not in to celebrities and next door app and whatever else, we just both give each other time to relax and do it with one another.

Sometimes its a west Coast game and we live in Texas. So the game starts at 9 our time. We just turn on the game and enjoy it together until we are sleepy. Thankfully we both enjoy sports to make this possible. But you certainly dont have to find enjoyment in the same things to find enjoyment in each others company. 

For a friend, if you can't just sit next to one another relaxing and doing your own things, you will have a long tough marriage. I do not envy the person who feels or is married to the person who feels you need to be 100% engaged in one another to relax. Sounds downright miserable.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Boring stuff here. Work 2 jobs and just moved to a new state so no friends yet. Hubby and I usually watch TV. He often wants to play cards with me but that's not really my thing. And yes, i sometimes end up in another room alone reading. I don't have a lot of time but I do love to read.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

A bit of this, bit of that. Sometimes we watch something together, other times I'll read while he watches something and vice versa. Occasionally we'll play a game of scrabble or something with a bottle of wine, that can be funny


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> They just had a baby and have time to relax?? :circle::smnotworthy:
> Lucky them!
> 
> Is the question how to unwind or how to get him to stop to play computer games?
> 'Cos that's different. Why not 'sexual relaxation'? That might be the only way for him to put down the controller


The baby is good, the husband not so much. They are arguing every night about chores, she is doing everything and is exhausted. When she asks him to help he just spends a few minutes doing a token gesture then she finds him back on his psp. He says he needs gaming to relax in an evening.

So I have advised her rather than getting into an argument every.single.evening why not use carrot over stick. Do chores together and get him off the psp by relaxing together. Sex is out because she is too tired, she doesn't drink because she is breast feeding, she has tried movies but he just ends up fiddling on his phone, he won't get a babysitter because she is too young (that one really got me)...I even suggested she learns how to play Fifa, but no....

Maybe she needs to get back to the stick method :grin2:


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Going for walks together and chatting along the way can be nice.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

peacem said:


> Friend has just had a baby (so exhausted in the evening) husband just wants to play on his psp(?). She wants to have non sexual time in the evening when baby is asleep to try and get him away from his gaming and be a couple. All my suggestions have not been successful.
> 
> Thanks for suggestions so far.


Their problem isn't one of relaxation. It's one of attention. Her husband doesn't seem to be interested in engaging with her. He's not meeting her needs for conversation and non-sexual affection, quality time together, if you will. What she really needs to do is tell him that she feels lonely and hurt that he'd rather play his games than spend what little downtime they have right now with her. If that doesn't get a positive reaction, she'll have to up the ante. Calm, non-confrontational, but small words and short sentences. "Honey, when you can't be bothered to engage with me, it makes me feel like you don't love me. If I don't feel loved by you, I'm less interested in sex. When you play your PSP all evening, it makes me not want to have sex with you." Then she needs to stop talking and go find something else to do.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I will also add we often went for a walk with our oldest, since he fell asleep with the movement of the pram while we kept connected by chatting and walking together.

That said back in the day my wife and I had a Nintendo 64, and we would sometimes play games against each other in the evening as well.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Not sure if this qualifies as non sexual. Often times after we have sex I look at her amazing body is just laying there in the light of candles. I will tell her to lay on her stomach and lay next to her so I can see her face. I will caress her body all over mostly her back, shoulders, face and hair. She just melts. By far the most relaxed and happy I see her. The look on her face. The way she dips her shoulders when I reach around them. The way she looks when I run my fingers through her hair. She is in that period right after sex when the last thing she wants is to be touched sexually. She is so relaxed and free from stress. She has my undivided attention, not clouded by my desire to have sex with her (99% of the day). The conversation and connection in these moments is always deep. That may get him away from the games.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

frusdil said:


> A bit of this, bit of that. Sometimes we watch something together, other times I'll read while he watches something and vice versa. Occasionally we'll play a game of scrabble or something with a bottle of wine, that can be funny


I love your idea of a game and bottle of wine. Will try it this weekend!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

peacem said:


> The baby is good, the husband not so much. They are arguing every night about chores, she is doing everything and is exhausted. When she asks him to help he just spends a few minutes doing a token gesture then she finds him back on his psp. He says he needs gaming to relax in an evening.
> 
> So I have advised her rather than getting into an argument every.single.evening why not use carrot over stick. Do chores together and get him off the psp by relaxing together. Sex is out because she is too tired, she doesn't drink because she is breast feeding, she has tried movies but he just ends up fiddling on his phone, he won't get a babysitter because she is too young (that one really got me)...I even suggested she learns how to play Fifa, but no....
> 
> Maybe she needs to get back to the stick method :grin2:


This sounds like he's distracting himself from the realities of being a father and husband.

And it's sad that he's likely missing out on so much. 

Nagging, blaming, pointing fingers isn't going to help. That may just cause him to retreat further into his games/phone.

Is there an option for her to just let some of the chores go? 

And/or at the very least, change perspective from 'this needs to be done!' ...to 'Look what we achieved!' ?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Works said:


> I love your idea of a game and bottle of wine. Will try it this weekend!


*How about the sharing a succulent, chilled bottle of Merlot along with a heated battle of “one-on-one” strip poker?

Seriously, when I was married to my RSXW, I simply opted for a long walk together in the park! That always seemed to have brought about a lot of discussion and conversation between the two of us! And gave us a lot of needed “non-sexual” exercise!*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

We go out for walks, sometimes we bake, we play with our parrot every evening, talk, watch TV (usually on DVD, we tend not to watch live TV much) and so on.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> Works said:
> 
> 
> > I love your idea of a game and bottle of wine. Will try it this weekend!
> ...


In response to your suggestion, I was thinking a game of Charades. Something silly like that. Usually we go upstairs to our 4th floor balcony in our apartment building, it overlooks the pool. We sit there and can talk for hours. I just wanted to try something else.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Lot of TV watching going on!

We relax by playing sports or watching each other play sports. We're out 3 evenings/week doing this. It's great adrenaline and the come down from the high of playing is an awesome feeling.
TV time is reserved from 11 PM - 12 AM ONLY. (As a couple, anyway - He will watch more TV than me.)
Sometimes we do little projects together.
Right now we're in the process of organzing a NYE party so we're talking about decorations, foods, etc.
We usually always have a project.


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