# Is there an advantage to filing for D first?



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I will ask a lawyer of course. But does anyone here know of any advantage to filing first ie. for child visitation, bank account reasons?? Does the person who files first have any advantage?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Not that I have heard of. Do your homework online though... search the divorce/separation/child support laws for your state. That way, even when you talk to an atty. you'll know what to ask, what to provide in the way of paperwork, what your STBX might not know, etc.... 

If you file first...then you pay for the filing. Some people like to file first to make a statement (I divorced HIS a**), some like to wait and make the other do it (If he wants it so bad HE can file), some...like me, can't really afford it but know the other is too lazy or unmotivated to ever do it so to move on with my life it was necessary. 

Figure out what you need. Talk to an atty.... or 5..... think about your priorities, needs, wants, etc.... "They say" marriage is emotional, divorce is business.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Filing first usually does not give an advantage. However under some circumstances it can.

For example when I filed for divorce from my son's father my attorney file a temporary child custory and visitation plan with the initial filing. This set my plan as the status quo and he had to fight it. He was never able to get it changed. 

You can also list the reason for the divorce in some states. For example if the divorce is due to adultry, the initial filing can say this.

YOu would need to discuss this with your attorney.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

When my wife left in July I served her in August.

I did this for two reasons:

1. It keep me from begging for her to come back because I now know that everything I said would come up in court so it would keep me from making an ass of myself.

2. Showed her i was serious. She said we were done.. well then hear you go.. a divorce, just what you wanted.

3. In Ontario you pay child support to the day of filing. Since she left I wanted a lock in day for her to pay child support.

4. Got a court date early so that it wasn't gonna drag on

Now remember my marriage is being put back together. The biggest thing to her was that I kept my mouth shut. She said the no contact was the worst part... but I had to since any correspondence is free game in court. if i would have begged there would have been no chance or reconciliation.

I think it saved my marriage by filing first. It showed that I was willing to step up to the plate for my girls.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SunnyT said:


> If you file first...then you pay for the filing. Some people like to file first to make a statement (I divorced HIS a**), some like to wait and make the other do it (If he wants it so bad HE can file), some...like me, can't really afford it but know the other is too lazy or unmotivated to ever do it so to move on with my life it was necessary.


Here in NJ it costs almost $300 to file vs $135 to make a counter file. I am filing and put in a request for a fee waiver and am waiting on that. The courts are closed for the holidays so I probably won't know until mid January but if I can save the money I'm willing to wait. If they turn me down, I'll cough it up but they could waive it partially or completely, which would help a lot. 

I think the only advantage is that you get to speak first before the judge and there's the element of surprise, other than that there's no real advantage. I put the reason as "separated for at least 18 months with no chance of reconciliation". There were several things I could have put down, his alcoholism for one. Believe me, that WILL be an issue but I wanted it stated that we've been living separately for over 2 years.

I don't think he would've filed first. He's threatened to do it many times but I can't imagine him taking the time to actually do it. I want out of this marriage ASAP, both for my mental/emotional health and because he's running up a mound of debt that I want to separate myself from ASAP. Fortunately we have been separated for 2 years and have no joint accounts, credit cards, no property. I just canceled our joint health insurance today so he's truly on his own now. 

I just want to get on with my life. I've made the decision to divorce and now I want to get it done. It's just the way I am. When I make up my mind, I forge ahead. My H knows this and I think that's why when I started talking to him about it, he freaked out. He knows it's not an "if" now but "when".


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I just want to get on with my life. I've made the decision to divorce and now I want to get it done. It's just the way I am. When I make up my mind, I forge ahead. My H knows this and I think that's why when I started talking to him about it, he freaked out. He knows it's not an "if" now but "when".


I think that might be the same problem I'm having with my STBXW...

She's the one who started the whole thing, and has been pushing me to "give up hope", "let go", "move on", and such. She's the one who keeps insisting that things can't get better and divorce is the only option. And yet, in the almost 8 months since, she hasn't made a single concrete effort to finish what she started, or even to prepare for it.

The minimum separation time in Illinois is 6 months, if you both sign a waiver. It took me almost that long to finish my roller coaster ride, and now I'm where you're at... I've made up my mind, and I want it done and finished. I think it's taken her off guard.



Pb.


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