# Insecure, I txt my husband's fb friend(lady) and I feel horrible



## Bafuna (Aug 13, 2012)

My husband has cheated on me before, we are working on the marriage but its difficult. Today I saw this post from a lady and she referred to my husband. I didnt think, I sent her a message asking her if she knows me. She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) and told me he doesnt like what I did. Im now not so sure that there is snything going on btn them, after researching more it doesnt seem likely. 

I know he's mad at me for not trusting him and for invasion of his privacy,probably embarassed him etc etc, what can I do to make up for this?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

It depends on what was written in that post. Maybe you don't have to make up, maybe he has to explain?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bafuna said:


> My husband has cheated on me before, we are working on the marriage but its difficult. Today I saw this post from a lady and she referred to my husband. I didnt think, I sent her a message asking her if she knows me. She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) and told me he doesnt like what I did. Im now not so sure that there is snything going on btn them, after researching more it doesnt seem likely.
> 
> I know he's mad at me for not trusting him and for invasion of his privacy,probably embarassed him etc etc, what can I do to make up for this?


He is a cheat. He doesn't deserve trust. What doesn't he get about that?:scratchhead:


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Bafuna said:


> My husband has cheated on me before, we are working on the marriage but its difficult. Today I saw this post from a lady and she referred to my husband. I didnt think, I sent her a message asking her if she knows me. She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) and told me he doesnt like what I did. Im now not so sure that there is snything going on btn them, after researching more it doesnt seem likely.
> 
> I know he's mad at me for not trusting him and for invasion of his privacy,probably embarassed him etc etc, what can I do to make up for this?


The hell with what he thinks, what you did was right! I would have done the same thing myself.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Bafuna said:


> My husband has cheated on me before, we are working on the marriage but its difficult. Today I saw this post from a lady and she referred to my husband. I didnt think, I sent her a message asking her if she knows me. She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) and told me he doesnt like what I did. Im now not so sure that there is snything going on btn them, after researching more it doesnt seem likely.
> 
> I know he's mad at me for not trusting him and for invasion of his privacy,probably embarassed him etc etc, what can I do to make up for this?


Question: How does a cheater say screw you? 
Answer: They say "trust me".

He lost all rights to trust when he cheated. If you were wrong this time, so what. It was as a direct result of his cheating. You did nothing wrong. He is the one that threw the trust away, not you.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Don't feel bad. He lost your trust when he cheated on you. 

(BTW, it doesn't appear that HE"S working on the marriage because if he was then he'd understand why you did what you did.)


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Make up for what? Being cheated on? Feeling the need to check up on him? Embarrassing him? Does he really know what being embarrassed is like? I bet you do.

You should borrow one of his testicles and tell him to get bent.


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

Hell no. Give a Cheater an inch they will for gawd damn sure take a mile. I am one, I know. You need to tell your WH to STFU, he lost all his female friend privileges when he cheated... If he doesn't like it, he can get the F out!!!


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## MarcuMcall (Sep 7, 2012)

It depends on what was written in that post.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MarcuMcall said:


> It depends on what was written in that post.


I agree. What was said?

I'm trying to get to grips with this in my own relationship. I don't want to dispose of OSFs completely. My fiance went to university and grad school and well, ideally I don't want him to wipe those relationships completely away. So I am trying to evaluate on a case by case basis.

Regarding the OP, I agree with the others that her husband should understand her need to contact this woman and the fact that if he were open and honest to her inquiries, she would not have felt the need to contact the woman herself.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Bafuna said:


> My husband has cheated on me before, we are working on the marriage but its difficult. Today I saw this post from a lady and she referred to my husband. I didnt think, I sent her a message asking her if she knows me. She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) and told me he doesnt like what I did. Im now not so sure that there is snything going on btn them, after researching more it doesnt seem likely.
> 
> I know he's mad at me for not trusting him and for invasion of his privacy,probably embarassed him etc etc, what can I do to make up for this?


He cheated. He can NEVER AGAIN BE TRUSTED 100 PERCENT.

You did want any normal BS would do. 

Your husband, now, has no right to privacy, and BTW he should not be emailing woman.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Bafuna said:


> My husband has cheated on me before, we are working on the marriage but its difficult. Today I saw this post from a lady and she referred to my husband. I didnt think, I sent her a message asking her if she knows me. She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) and told me he doesnt like what I did. Im now not so sure that there is snything going on btn them, after researching more it doesnt seem likely.
> 
> I know he's mad at me for not trusting him and for invasion of his privacy,probably embarassed him etc etc, what can I do to make up for this?


If he has cheated before you have every right to check up on him. everything should be an open book, facebook, emails, phones. 

You should remind him that your insecurities are his fault and he is just going to have to deal with it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

****She obvoiusly contacted my husband coz he called me(we stay in neighboring countries because of work) ****

the other thing to contempate here is how this woman responded to the OP's message. If I were contacted by someone's wife, I would respond directly to them, at least initially.

this reminds me of when I was married. I would call the wife /gf of my husband's friend to initiate or complete plans for the 4 of us to get together. These women would actually call my husband and say, your wife called me what does she want?


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Invasion of his privacy? Thats an immature teenager problem. Youre married, what is there to hide? You want privacy, live the single life. About the only timea spouse needs some privacy is to use the can in peace, a rare hing if you have a full house. If there is nothing to find there is nothing to hide. All this fb "privacy", cell phone privacy, email privacy, ridiculous.

Does he get mad at you for washing his underwear, invading his privacy by ironing his shirts? Pshh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bafuna (Aug 13, 2012)

Thanks for the responses folks, my husband is right now quite mad at me. Im confused, he's not even talking to me, what will become of us? The fact that we dont stay together does not help. Im insecure, he feels I dont trust him and he's suggested we break up b/c he says he feels I wil never trust him again and he couldnt live like that,and there are also other issues but we later agreed to try again. I dont really trust him but decided to stay till the kids are a bit older. Most of the time Ive felt only I am trying to make things work


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

TRy said:


> Question: How does a cheater say screw you?
> Answer: They say "trust me".


TRy, can I steal this quote from you?
I love it! How very very apt.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Bafuna said:


> Thanks for the responses folks, my husband is right now quite mad at me. Im confused, he's not even talking to me, what will become of us? The fact that we dont stay together does not help. Im insecure, he feels I dont trust him and he's suggested we break up b/c he says he feels I wil never trust him again and he couldnt live like that,and there are also other issues but we later agreed to try again. I dont really trust him but decided to stay till the kids are a bit older. Most of the time Ive felt only I am trying to make things work


Bafuna, it is so sad to read this post. I guess you are new on here? ...Read up on other stories. This is classic cheater speak, classic manipulation. He turns what he created into your problem. And yet HE created the problem! And he tries to shut you up and get you off his back by threatening to leave. 9/10 he won't and is just saying this, 1/10 he means it. He just wants you to back down. Pure and simple. And why would he want YOU to back down? Is it so he can carry on cheating in peace? It is he that made the mistakes...and as you say, only you that is paying for them, and only you trying to fix them. 

I have been there. My situation has much similarities of what you have written. The blame, the threats. He said he can't take it much longer. I said neither can I. He threatened to leave. I said good, go. I opened the door for him. Either he left and soon came back, or he didn't leave at all. He hides from his lies by refusing to fix. I have done all the hard work. IT IS DRAINING. Don't take it lying down lady. Put your foot down and let him make his choices. 

Read up on here, on other stories, other similarities (and my, you will find many) build your confidence in knowing what is right, that you are right, and that he is wrong. And he will stay wrong until he starts making effort. Educate yourself on infidelity. It works wonders for the confidence. And it works wonders on seeing through the manipulative bulls*it.


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## Slayerman (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi Bafuna, feel so sorry for you. Looks like your husband didn't learn his lessons. Privacy? He's you hubby for God's sake. He should have no secrets for you whatsoever. 

My opinion is he's still cheating on you because he got mad at you for invading his "privacy" and if that woman called your hubby after you sent her that message you can bet your ass he's cheating with her.

Again, i feel so sorry for you 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mad as hell (Aug 23, 2012)

He should earn the trust and he must be open with you on every social network he has and even email. 

If he doesn't, it means he is still cheating.

And the best thing I did on husband, I asked him to delete all his social network and his email i have passwords and he removed password on his phone, And atleast I trust him now.


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## Bafuna (Aug 13, 2012)

Thanks everybody for your responses, you were so right, its all out in the open now, see Bafuna's blog: revelation


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