# Separated but still enjoy my company?



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

ladies and gents, my husband and I have decided to separate for now. Husband says he no longer is in love but loves me as a person and our son's mom. 

The decision to separate was his but he says he still enjoys my company and still wants to go out and do things together. 

I don't understand where he is coming from?!?:scratchhead:

How can he say he no longer wants to stay with me in a relationship but still wants do things together as if we were in a relationship???


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

scartissue said:


> ladies and gents, my husband and I have decided to separate for now. Husband says he no longer is in love but loves me as a person and our son's mom.
> 
> The decision to separate was his but he says he still enjoys my company and still wants to go out and do things together.
> 
> ...


sounds like he wants he is cake eating. Has another woman he is into and you are his back up plan right now. Just what it sounds like to me


----------



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

I know for a fact he does not have anyone else on the side. He does not go out, Works with men, Im able to use his cell when needed.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Cake eating at its finest!


----------



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

It may sound like he has someone on the side but like I said, I know for a fact he does not. 

Maybe he's just comfortable with me? We have been together since high school, for 9 years.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

scartissue said:


> I know for a fact he does not have anyone else on the side. He does not go out, Works with men, Im able to use his cell when needed.


are you around him at work all day? do you have access to his work computer?


----------



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> are you around him at work all day? do you have access to his work computer?


He works with men and has no computer at work. I handle all the bills so know what goes in and what goes out. I have access to our cell phone records and he has no problem with me using his cell when needed.

Also, he had been out of work for a little over 1 year due to lay off and at the time it was best for us to be able to stay home and watch our son. He has been under a lot of stress due to money and not feeling like the man of the house since I was the only one working. Could stress have anything to do with the way he is feeling?


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

scartissue said:


> He works with men and has no computer at work. I handle all the bills so know what goes in and what goes out. I have access to our cell phone records and he has no problem with me using his cell when needed.
> 
> Also, he had been out of work for a little over 1 year due to lay off and at the time it was best for us to be able to stay home and watch our son. He has been under a lot of stress due to money and not feeling like the man of the house since I was the only one working. Could stress have anything to do with the way he is feeling?


Something is missing from the equation in IMO. Has there been any passion between you two? Not just one night here and there, but any consistent passion? This reflects being in love and being attracted at the same time and it sounds like that may not exist.


----------



## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

My wife and I are seeing each other exclusively and enjoying our time together. She was going to leave and never look back. I was neglecting her. The attention I have given her was what she was lacking and we are moving ever so close to the R process.
Take a look at yourself and be honest. Could you have neglected him in some way over a long period of time? He possibly could be needing something from you for a long time and the resentment has caused this rift. Open honest communications between you two are essential if you are wanting to fight for your marriage.
This is not saying their may not be an affair or other reasons, but all aspects must be considered


----------



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

noas55 said:


> My wife and I are seeing each other exclusively and enjoying our time together. She was going to leave and never look back. I was neglecting her. The attention I have given her was what she was lacking and we are moving ever so close to the R process.
> Take a look at yourself and be honest. Could you have neglected him in some way over a long period of time? He possibly could be needing something from you for a long time and the resentment has caused this rift. Open honest communications between you two are essential if you are wanting to fight for your marriage.
> This is not saying their may not be an affair or other reasons, but all aspects must be considered


noas55, glad to hear you and your wife are making things better. Most of our arguments are about me not trying hard enough when it comes to sex. Honestly, I'm tired after work and cooking. I just want to sit and relax. But when we do have sex, it's amazing. We both enjoy it together. 

Also, we are together ALL THE TIME. I don't go out with my girlfriends and he hardly goes out with his guy friends. If we do go out with friends, we go together. Maybe he's had too much of me?


----------



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Something is missing from the equation in IMO. Has there been any passion between you two? Not just one night here and there, but any consistent passion? This reflects being in love and being attracted at the same time and it sounds like that may not exist.


nogutsnoglory, on average we have sex 3-4 times a week.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I know it sounds strange, but men really do feel that they are loved and appreciated through sex. You not wanting sex as much, may be making him feel emasculated. Check through other posts on this site about this subject. Im not saying its the answer, but you did say that most of your arguments were about sex. Try to understand what he means about you not trying hard enough.


----------



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

toonaive said:


> I know it sounds strange, but men really do feel that they are loved and appreciated through sex. You not wanting sex as much, may be making him feel emasculated. Check through other posts on this site about this subject. Im not saying its the answer, but you did say that most of your arguments were about sex. Try to understand what he means about you not trying hard enough.


Well said. Thank you! I hadn't even considered this.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

scartissue said:


> Well said. Thank you! I hadn't even considered this.


This makes very little sense. 

The biggest thing you argue about is sex. Yet you never considered that he wanted to separate due to sex issues.

This is why men have issues with sex in marriage. To them it is very important to feeling loved. They tell their wife this. They fight about it all the time.

But really (as per the OP) the wife doesn't really listen or believe the issue is real. 

You can literally walk away from the marriage and the wife wonders, "What's up with him?"


----------



## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> This makes very little sense.
> 
> The biggest thing you argue about is sex. Yet you never considered that he wanted to separate due to sex issues.
> 
> ...


My wife was trying to tell me i was neglecting her for over 5 years. I was not connecting emotionally with her. Not showing my love. I never "listened" or picked up on the hints. Men & women both have this problem. I do promise you this. Find their LOVE LANGUAGE. Your spouse will love you again. It is what I did and it is working for me.
5 Love Languages is the name of the book. HIGHLY recommend.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

noas55 said:


> My wife was trying to tell me i was neglecting her for over 5 years. I was not connecting emotionally with her. Not showing my love. I never "listened" or picked up on the hints. Men & women both have this problem. I do promise you this. Find their LOVE LANGUAGE. Your spouse will love you again. It is what I did and it is working for me.
> 5 Love Languages is the name of the book. HIGHLY recommend.


I'm glad that's working for you.

There are many cases where that isn't true.


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

A couple of thoughts, and if I seem blunt that's because I am

It's hard to imagine why a guy would leave a relationship where he's getting sex 3-4 times per week and genuinely enjoys your company. The reasons I can think of are:

1.) The sex is boring. So even though the frequency is there, it's not fulfilling his sexual appetites.

2.) You are not physically attractive to him. Have you let yourself go over the years?

3.) You say you've been together since high school. Which means he really never got to "sow his oats" and experience different women. That desire may be hitting him now.

4.) As has been mentioned, he could already be fvcking another woman. It's entirely possible that he is good at covering his tracks, has a burner phone, etc. Some people are exceptional at compartmentalizing, and living a "double life".

Men are fairly simple creatures. Keep us sexually satisfied, feed us, and be a companion....we'll be happy  (assuming no PD's)


----------

