# 55 Male says he is being stalked by a guy that he invited back into our hotel room drunk -- and I threw him out.



## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

I have a very strange situation that I don’t even know what to do with…. Need some honest, objective advice.
My boyfriend of 6 months invited another man back to our hotel room — and I think (because of his vocal fantasies) he wanted this guy to have sex with me.
My bf was extremely drunk and the guy — I kicked him out. I told him I was not into that and that my boyfriend was drunk and obviously had no understanding of what was going on.
My boyfriend…apologized the next morning and said he shouldn’t have done it and it would never happen again. He knew I was extremely upset.
The current issue is my boyfriend gave this guy his business card….and apparently was texting back and forth with him. And even agreed to see him in his city (we are out of town).
My boyfriend didn’t tell me any of this until he probably got worried.
The ‘guy’ found his ex girlfriend on property records search and texted HER and said he wanted her to know that he was solicited by my boyfriend and to be warned that she was being cheated on. God only knows how that conversation went but apparently bad enough for my boyfriend to finally tell me this had happened.

Well, about a week later the guy said the ex GF gave him my cell and he texted me. He showed me screen shots of texts where my boyfriend agreed to meet with him — after this guy (apparently gay) told my boyfriend that he was HOT.
My bf said he was just going to meet him and straighten everything out (while sober) and he didn’t want anything to do with him other than that…
I believed him. Idk why… but I did.

Then 3 weeks later he tells me that his ex WIFE (mother of his children) was contacted by this guy! Said he wanted to warn her because their 18 year old son lives w my bf half the time.
I said WTF. What on God’s green earth is happening here?! He said that he just told his ex wife that the guy was a stalker etc… and that nothing was wrong.

I said you need to get a protective order on this guy - and he won’t do it. He said well, let’s see if it happens again…. He said he doesn’t know or have the identity of this person.

I said you are a public person — you MUST get a protective order. He suggested that I go through my blocked numbers and find the guy’s number and contact him myself and ask him to stop.

I feel like WTF just happened to me… now his last 2 ex’s know about this crazy **** he was trying to pull on me???

I also failed to leave him when I heard that he would get his ex drunk and give her a gummy of marijuana and have her sleep with numerous men and women while he video taped it.... and then told her he didn't remember doing it and he would never do it again......and is now threatening to use those videos against her as they fight about a civil dispute regarding an investment they had together.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

redpandapanda2 said:


> Well, about a week later the guy said the ex GF gave him my cell and he texted me. He showed me screen shots of texts where my boyfriend agreed to meet with him — after this guy (apparently gay) told my boyfriend that he was HOT.
> My bf said he was just going to meet him and straighten everything out (while sober) and he didn’t want anything to do with him other than that…
> I believed him. Idk why… but I did.


I find it surprising that you did. Why couldn't he "straighten everything up" over the phone? Why did he HAVE to do it in person? Doesn't make any sense. And honestly, sounds very sketchy if a vague message to meet came after this guy hit on him. It makes more sense that your BF wanted to go make something happen in person with him. He is probably attracted to him after all given he tried to pressure you for a threesome with this guy.



redpandapanda2 said:


> I said you are a public person — you MUST get a protective order. He suggested that I go through my blocked numbers and find the guy’s number and contact him myself and ask him to stop.


He knows the story he's given you is unbelievable. He knows he looks guilty probably because he is. Absolutely do block this guy but do not invite more drama by talking to him and asking him to stop. Your BF is an adult who can handle it himself if he wants to.



redpandapanda2 said:


> I also failed to leave him when I heard that he would get his ex drunk and give her a gummy of marijuana and have her sleep with numerous men and women while he video taped it.... and then told her he didn't remember doing it and he would never do it again......and is now threatening to use those videos against her as they fight about a civil dispute regarding an investment they had together.


This is disgusting. Why the hell are you with this guy? Obviously he has the poor moral character of someone who would try and cheat on you like this. Obviously he's a skilled liar. Get rid of him immediately unless you want videos of you to be spread around and to be blackmailed.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Yes -- now my job is to figure out how to leave him and do it peacefully. I don't know if I even want to get into a conversation about ending the relationship. Do I fully believe what he's doing to his ex? I don't know firsthand but given what I witnessed myself -- I think it's very possible. 

And yes, if he is that vial -- he's dangerous too. And the fact that he APPEARS to have wanted to cheat on me with a GUY?? Gross... why would he say sure let's hang out and invite him to his home. AND he didn't tell me about this when it was happening -- only AFTER it happened...becuase he knew it could get out. 



redpandapanda2 said:


> I have a very strange situation that I don’t even know what to do with…. Need some honest, objective advice.
> My boyfriend of 6 months invited another man back to our hotel room — and I think (because of his vocal fantasies) he wanted this guy to have sex with me.
> My bf was extremely drunk and the guy — I kicked him out. I told him I was not into that and that my boyfriend was drunk and obviously had no understanding of what was going on.
> My boyfriend…apologized the next morning and said he shouldn’t have done it and it would never happen again. He knew I was extremely upset.
> ...


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

He’s just a boyfriend... not a husband. Get your stuff and leave...... and leave the drama behind.
Or .... you just drive yourself crazy trying to “figure it out”


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

So he basically rendered his ex incapable of consent and had people rape her and recorded it?

I guess I'm wondering how he is still breathing?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Two months ago we unanimously told you this guy was mental and to leave. Why are you even still in this relationship? Simply get your stuff, give him his, tell him it's over, tell him there will be no discussion, tell him not to contact you...ever...block him, and move on.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> So he basically rendered his ex incapable of consent and had people rape her and recorded it?
> 
> I guess I'm wondering how he is still breathing?



I personally think he got her drunk and high -- and she just went along with it --- that's what he wanted me to do...he thought if he could get me drunk enough (he was already very drunk) ...I would have sex with the man. Which I would NOT.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I personally think he got her drunk and high -- and she just went along with it --- that's what he wanted me to do...he thought if he could get me drunk enough (he was already very drunk) ...I would have sex with the man. Which I would NOT.


Regardless, I'm still wondering how he is still breathing. He is a lunatic.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I personally think he got her drunk and high -- and she just went along with it --- that's what he wanted me to do...he thought if he could get me drunk enough (he was already very drunk) ...I would have sex with the man. Which I would NOT.


But it’s still a good idea to stay? It’s time to get over it and leave


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> But it’s still a good idea to stay? It’s time to get over it and leave


I know. I realize this -- and I am doing it today. Just needed to get some objective support. I Tried to do it a month or so ago and he told me it would never happen again and gave me all the reasons to try to see this through...

And I caved in... so here I am ..doing it for GOOD this time. Thank you for your reply


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@redpandapanda2 ,

I'm not exactly sure what honest, objective advice you need...but in my opinon he's a BF and all of this is WAAAAAY beyond anything resembling normal. I mean seriously, I can't comprehend of an explanation that would result in: "Oh yeah...that makes sense now."

First, he drugged an exSO and video-taped her having sex with others without her consent. That is so far out of the bounds of "okay" that I'd be out the door just on that. But wait, there's more!

Next, he's attempting to blackmail someone with whom he has an investment. He is willing to commit a crime for profit, and he is willing to do that to you too if you cross him. But wait, there's more!

Next, he is a public person (I'm assuming you mean like somewhat-famous, well-known in his circle, or in a position of authority or something), but he is willing to go out "in public" and get ****faced drunk to the point that he'll drug women and video-tape them without their consent AND/OR invite complete strangers back to his hotel room to have sex. Again...he's willing to act in a disgusting way in public, so he's willing to act that way toward you. But wait, there's more!

Next, he's a man looking for sex with other men. Now, he can paint that any way he wants--like "he didn't mean to" or "it just happened" or "I accidentally texted him over and over" but the truth of the matter is that he is a man who is open to and willing to and seeking to have sex with other men OR force women he supposedly cares about to have sex against their will. He's willing to act that way toward you. But wait, there's more! [Edited to add: I'm not speaking against homosexuality here, but I believe it should be the same as any other sexuality: commit to your beloved and keep your love life private.]

His exW and exSO left him and he has stories about them regarding inappropriate sex. Just sayin'... I'm seeing a pattern here, and it's not "he is the victim of unwanted salaciousness". He's willing to act that way toward you. But wait, there is even more!

This last event...getting drunk, inviting a guy, texting with the guy some more afterward... This guy is not "stalking" him. He's trying to paint it like he's the victim of some weirdo, but look at his history! He continued to interact with the guy AND he won't lift a finger to protect you from this supposed stalker! I don't buy it. I think he's trying to set up an event where he has sex with the guy or drugs you and let's the guy do stuff with you or something. 

LOOK at all those points? Really? You need objective advice? Here's my objective advice: pack right now and be gone yesterday... and never look back. He's one to throw back into the pond.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I have a very strange situation that I don’t even know what to do with…. Need some honest, objective advice.
> My boyfriend of 6 months invited another man back to our hotel room — and I think (because of his vocal fantasies) he wanted this guy to have sex with me.
> My bf was extremely drunk and the guy — I kicked him out. I told him I was not into that and that my boyfriend was drunk and obviously had no understanding of what was going on.
> My boyfriend…apologized the next morning and said he shouldn’t have done it and it would never happen again. He knew I was extremely upset.
> ...


This guy is really bad news, run for your life. Thats not hyperbole I literally mean run for your life, this guy is going to mess it up bad. He is pathological, he is compulsive, he has real problems. What he did to his ex could be a serious crime depending on how drunk he got her. He clearly had plans to do the same to you. This crazy stalker might actually be your savior in a way without you realizing it. RUN


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Affaircare said:


> @redpandapanda2 ,
> 
> I'm not exactly sure what honest, objective advice you need...but in my opinon he's a BF and all of this is WAAAAAY beyond anything resembling normal. I mean seriously, I can't comprehend of an explanation that would result in: "Oh yeah...that makes sense now."
> 
> ...


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

> I also failed to leave him when I heard that he would get his ex drunk and give her a gummy of marijuana and have her sleep with numerous men and women while he video taped it.... and then told her he didn't remember doing it and he would never do it again......and is now threatening to use those videos against her as they fight about a civil dispute regarding an investment they had together.


This why I have a tendency to believe outlandish stories........ because sometimes they are true.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You can't make this crap up .


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

yeah-- this one really stunned me, and I've been a part of it. I had NO idea this kind of kinky stuff even happened...and seems remotely accepted by some people! 



NTA said:


> This why I have a tendency to believe outlandish stories........ because sometimes they are true.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yeah, you should’ve dumped him a couple of months ago. You realize he’s the one that really wants sex with the guy, right — you’re just the excuse he uses because he can’t admit it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

redpandapanda2 said:


> yeah-- this one really stunned me, and I've been a part of it. I had NO idea this kind of kinky stuff even happened...and seems remotely accepted by some people!


OP, frankly, I'm _mystified_ that you're stunned. We told you in your earlier thread about this creep that this would keep happening. And it has. We told you that there would be more creepy stuff from this guy. And there has. We also told you that this guy was likely a sexual predator. And he _is_. 

The only reason you're "stunned" by any of this is that you decided - after being warned REPEATEDLY by both everyone here and by his own actions and past record - that you wanted to keep seeing this guy. We told you who he is. HE told you who he is. You actively chose to stick with this guy. That you stayed, knowing what you're dealing with and knowing what's coming from him, means you're no longer a victim in this situation. You're a _volunteer_. 

What you (still) need is a breakup from this guy and a _very_ good therapist. I sincerely hope you're serious this time about cutting this guy loose.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And … take a break from dating for awhile.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Two months ago we unanimously told you this guy was mental and to leave. Why are you even still in this relationship? Simply get your stuff, give him his, tell him it's over, tell him there will be no discussion, tell him not to contact you...ever...block him, and move on.


^^^ This here is what I'd do. Your BF isn't a good person, and you need to get the hell out of that relationship AFAP (as fast as possible). Run, don't walk. Do you have stuff at each other's homes? If so, and you want it back, get it back; if you don't care about it, just leave it there and tell him over the phone that you guys are done.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Openminded said:


> And … take a break from dating for awhile.


And also, change your locks and any alarm codes. Your BF is downright scary.


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## CrazyGuy72 (Apr 2, 2021)

Chances are your boyfriend will end up in jail or catch something like AIDS eventually. Do you want that around messing up your life? How about the mental health trauma you will endure when you get drugged into doing something regretful? Tell him to get lost.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Here's a discussion on sex when your partner is cheating:









20/20 Signs They Were Cheating - ChumpLady.com


Today’s Thursday Challenge is to Monday morning quarterback your life. Did you see signs of cheating before D-Day? To be a chump is to be unknowing. (And that’s as it should be — trusting your partner is natural.) Of course, cheaters are doing everything they can to conceal their nefarious...




www.chumplady.com


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm getting more A vibe that your boyfriend wants to have something sexual with this guy and is luring him in with you. Something isn't quite right. 

But it really shouldn't matter at this point because what your boyfriend did was despicable and dangerous and disrespectful and showed no respect for you at all or any care for your feelings. This should be a deal breaker for you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I have a very strange situation that I don’t even know what to do with…. Need some honest, objective advice.
> My boyfriend of 6 months invited another man back to our hotel room — and I think (because of his vocal fantasies) he wanted this guy to have sex with me.
> My bf was extremely drunk and the guy — I kicked him out. I told him I was not into that and that my boyfriend was drunk and obviously had no understanding of what was going on.
> My boyfriend…apologized the next morning and said he shouldn’t have done it and it would never happen again. He knew I was extremely upset.
> ...


I think the only real question here is why have you not run like hell from this **** show of a boyfriend.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I have a very strange situation that I don’t even know what to do with…. Need some honest, objective advice.
> My boyfriend of 6 months invited another man back to our hotel room — and I think (because of his vocal fantasies) he wanted this guy to have sex with me.
> My bf was extremely drunk and the guy — I kicked him out. I told him I was not into that and that my boyfriend was drunk and obviously had no understanding of what was going on.
> My boyfriend…apologized the next morning and said he shouldn’t have done it and it would never happen again. He knew I was extremely upset.
> ...



Run, I will say it again run! You BF is a good for nothing sleaze, run run run..............................


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I personally think he got her drunk and high -- and she just went along with it ---


So, he facilitated and RECORDED the rape of his ex by multiple “men”, and you haven’t called the police on him because ... ?

**she can’t “go along” with anything while drunk/high, she is unable to consent. She was RAPED.


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