# Going through a divorce - sex with other people



## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

A tiny back history so you know my situation. My wife cheated on me with an ex prior to our engagement, during our engagement, and after our marriage (6 weeks after marriage). I didnt find out about any of these until after we were married. I was never given a choice. I found out about the EA well before the PA and i gave her two chances over a 3 month period to stop (I then discovered the PA). I didn't rug sweep it, I wasnt completely Mr. Nice Guy, but she had her chances. So I'm divorcing her. My divorce will be final in January. I'm 30.

I know me and I know I won't be ready for 9 - 18 months to seriously date anyone. I need to work on me. My friends are all fine with this that I shouldn't date anyone. I do however have quite a sexual history, as well as most of them (theyre mostly all married now and are faithful good wives/husbands), but they keep trying to set me up with people who know my situation and just want casual sex. 

I believe that my morals and character are very strong. I've never cheated on any GF or my STBXW. I keep telling my friends that even though I know there is no chance for reconciliation and that I am getting divorced that I'm not going to sleep with anyone or talk with anyone because in my mind I'm still married and should behave like a married man. All of my friends think I am a moron because my marriage is done and its time to get back on the horse etc, it just doesn't make sense to me. 

how do you guys feel about this? have any of you had sex with other people while going through a divorce? Am I completely off base to still value my vows to be faithful until I am legally single again?


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Yes. Been there done it under the same circumstances as you.

Was it surreal. 

Yes.

Do I feel guilty or regret it.

Absolutely not.

Moving on before you "feel ready", but as a distraction only, quite alright.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I wouldn't make the same choice as you, but I understand why you would make it, and I respect it. On the off chance that you get back together, you would feel better about yourself (if you could ignore her laughing behind your back) by continuing to act like a married man.


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## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

I know that for me one friend was astounded that I ended up only meeting one woman and now am in a full on relationship!
He told me that I should be 'out-there', bouncing from one to the next. 
And me, I am a very sexual person, people know it, woman love it. 

But at 43 with two kids, I couldn't really bring myself back to do that shifting tide thing. 

But honestly, I didnt intend to meet this woman to whom now I cannot remove myself. 

So the saying goes, " A funny thing happened on the way to Rome."

My thing: you say you need to work on yourself, ok, but we all do that everyday. And But for The Grace of God go We! SO take this day, and find what it brings to you...don't restrict yourself from anything or make excuses. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow...how do you want to go?? 

We are here for a good time, not a long time. 
We are all unique, do what you feel is right, do your best and ....have fun!!


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

i wasn't going to, you'd have to read my thread to really understand but i met someone 3 mos in at a concert, didn't mean too but i did, we dated for 5 weeks & i ended it, it was to fast. my stbxw came to me for a false r, thats done now & i'm not sure, i've been talking to a beautiful woman i've known 10 yrs. she wants to be friends with benifits & see where that goes. wow!!! this is all new to me. i'm just going with the flow & see where i'm at when i'm dying. good luck brother


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I was 29 when I left my first husband and became a single mom. I was not quite 31 when I met my current hubby. We started sleeping together about ten months after that. My divorce was final about three years later.

I had checked out of my marriage years before I left my first husband.

I have only ever slept with these two men.

I have no regrets for doing things the way I did.


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## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> i wasn't going to, you'd have to read my thread to really understand but i met someone 3 mos in at a concert, didn't mean too but i did, we dated for 5 weeks & i ended it, it was to fast. my stbxw came to me for a false r, thats done now & i'm not sure, i've been talking to a beautiful woman i've known 10 yrs. she wants to be friends with benifits & see where that goes. wow!!! this is all new to me. i'm just going with the flow & see where i'm at when i'm dying. good luck brother


See all that is just natural. That's being a human. That's living in a thin strip of atmosphere way out in the Milky Way!

Nothing is forever and we are all for dust. Have all the morals and intregity you want if that's your choice, I hope that leaves you happy at the end of the day.

Good on you OVS for letting yourself go with the flow, letting someone connect and determining for yourself if it feels right. I am sure at the end of the day you are happy with your choices.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

since my hubby left my ovaries went with him....just followed him right out the door squealing his name . its like a switch has been turned off....

wierdest thing- because I've NEVER been like this...

I think I'm going to become a nun now

actually the first couple of weeks I tried to watch Magic Mike (you know the male stripper movie) It took three different nights to get through because I was repulsed by the male form.

I guess when youre ready you're ready...
scares the hell out of me right now...no offence- but if i even talk to a guy at the moment I have to detach from the fact he even has a willy or I'd probably go postal


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

You have great friends.If I ever got divorced I would want friends like your and I would sleep with a whole lot of people.


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## Can't believe it's over (Oct 6, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> since my hubby left my ovaries went with him....just followed him right out the door squealing his name . its like a switch has been turned off....
> 
> wierdest thing- because I've NEVER been like this...
> 
> ...


:iagree: 100%


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

My divorce will be final before Christmas. I am still living with my STBXW until after the D is final. 

I am like you. I have no interest in going out with other women right now. Even after the divorce is final I will need time to get my emotional s**t together. I don't know how long it will take. As much as I crave intimacy and sex, I will not pursue anyone until I am emotionally ready. I feel the last thing I need is a rebound relationship right now. As much as I would like to rub a new women in STBXW's face, I just can't do it. I also don't want to give my STBXW ammo to use against me with my children. She is a blame shifter extraordinaire.

It is strange because I've always had a high sex drive but now, sometimes, when I look at other women...I have no interest. All I see is trouble. Because of my STBXW's infidelity I now have deep trust issues now that I never had before. I have read so much about wives cheating in the last couple years that I doubt I will ever trust again.

I do believe that time is my best friend right now. I will need a lot of it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's YOUR life so YOU know what is best for you.

Personally I think your decision is very commendable and smart. 

Why get involved with other people (dating, sexually or otherwise) if you know you are not at all ready for that? There is no point, IMO.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I don't know what I would do in this situation. My mind says its not right, but if I were in that situation right now I'm not sure I wouldn't jump at the chance. Luckily since I know absolutely no one here and haven't been going out I haven't placed myself into that position to have to answer those questions. I feel so wrecked and vulnerable over the loss of my wife, life and marriage I'm sure a women could persuade me to do almost anything right now.


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

yes, been seperated 11 months now, and started having sex twice a week with a gitl in similar situation to me and lunch or dinner too 

good sex and dont feel bad about it, first 6 months of split up prob would have though


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I keep telling my friends that even though I know there is no chance for reconciliation and that I am getting divorced that I'm not going to sleep with anyone or talk with anyone because in my mind I'm still married and should behave like a married man. All of my friends think I am a moron because my marriage is done and its time to get back on the horse etc, it just doesn't make sense to me.


Your friends are correct, you need to get out there instead of staying loyal to your disloyal wife, but that's just my opinion

The only reason I'm holding off right now in my case is because my STBX and I are still in co-operative terms. From sounds of things, however it's already over between your STBX and you, so why the hell not?

You're not married anymore mate, you're seperated, heading for divorce, with reconciliation out of the question. In other words, you're single, so get out there and enjoy the women who have been craving you for all these years that you've wasted with this cheating "wife" of yours.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Well, my stbxw and I agreed to a no dating separation at first. Then the last convo we had she said as far as she's been concerned, we're separated and can do what we want, BUT she stated "but that doesn't mean I'm dating / seeing anyone, I don't want anyone, but you can date if you want to" 

I kinda saw that as an insult at first. Then I thought, "could be a trap too"

Either way. I've decided that I'm not "dating" anyone, and I'm not going to have sex with anyone until it's all over. I have a beautiful girl that's all into everything I am that's willing to get together. in fact, it almost got close to intimacy the other night. 

I will not. I will stay faithful, technically I AM married still. My stbxw may have an epiphany and say "WTH am I DOING?" and want to work on things. I won't know how I'll take it or respond to that, but I'd like to know if I did decide to try R, I'll have a clear head.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> I will not. I will stay faithful,


To who ? To your STBXW ? I don't think you'll win her back this way - even opposite !

But if you date you'll get her jealous ... and then ... woman though is : if other woman like him so should I too ! I've seen that allot !


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> But if you date you'll get her jealous ... and then ... woman though is : if other woman like him so should I too ! I've seen that allot !


Ah the jealousy game, good times 
Beware though, it's a card that should only be played cautiously


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

No, I don't want to date to make her jealous anymore. I want to date to be happy with someone's company that enjoys mine. 

Tech. or not, we're are still bound. There's a big term here you guys ought to know well... "It ain't over till the gavel comes down" 

Well, I hold true to that. We got married and put it on paper. To me, if it ain't over till the gavel falls, then my marriage isn't over till it falls. 

To each his own, but whether you see it or not.. I'm not being faithful to my wife, I'm being faithful to my MARRIAGE! One in the same? I don't know, but I don't want to cheat. Period. Respect it or not. It's my wish, it's MY MORAL AND MY VALUE!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

This is completely up to the person IMO.

If the separation is leading to divorce for sure, then I do not see a problem with dating or sleeping with anyone else.

Most places, you only need to wait "x" amount of days to become "Legally Separated".

The only thing you cannot do, is remarry until you are divorced.

There are rebounds all the time.

Not everyone has clarity on where they want to go in life and make mistakes.

Some end up being with that person for years to come.

It's a crap-shoot really.

Although, I do have an issue with people using others simply because they want to make themselves feel better.

Manipulation and such.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Ah the jealousy game, good times
> Beware though, it's a card that should only be played cautiously


Absolutely , if you go out and let her somehow know then she'll be screaming I guarantee that .

Because she left you blindsided , she'll love to see you hurt , miserable ,lonely and unhappy !

When you show her the exact opposite ... oooups , Houston we have a problem . Why is he so happy ? Why is he not miserable and lonely ? Did he found someone else ? How come she is better then me ? ... etc 


@Dewayne76 

you say this :



> No, I don't want to date to make her jealous anymore. I want to date to be happy with someone's company that enjoys mine.



but then this :



> I'm not being faithful to my wife, I'm being faithful to my MARRIAGE! One in the same? I don't know, but I don't want to cheat. Period. Respect it or not. It's my wish, it's MY MORAL AND MY VALUE!


those two doesn't match my friend , or you wanna date or not !

And faithful to what marriage ? The one that is over ? This is in my opinion like been faithful to the wind !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

They don't match because they are for 2 different periods in time.

The first one is for any future relationships.

The other is for the present situation at hand.

At least.

That's how I read it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Absolutely , if you go out and let her somehow know then she'll be screaming I guarantee that .
> 
> Because she left you blindsided , she'll love to see you hurt , miserable ,lonely and unhappy !
> 
> When you show her the exact opposite ... oooups , Houston we have a problem . Why is he so happy ? Why is he not miserable and lonely ? Did he found someone else ? How come she is better then me ? ... etc


Yes but it could also mean. "I never meant much to him", "I deserve better", "He lied to me, he doesn't care", etc etc

It's a double edged sword, must be wielded very carefully. I've made the mistake of playing this game during marriage as well a few times over the last 4 years, the results were... bad. I've hence corrected it but the damage was already done.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

StagesOfGrief said:


> in my mind I'm still married and should behave like a married man. All of my friends think I am a moron because my marriage is done and its time to get back on the horse etc, it just doesn't make sense to me.


My divorce took almost 4 years due to the conflict and slow legal system.

Once I moved out I considered myself single for all practical purposes and started dating and screwing.

Never looked back.

Why penalize yourself for a slow and incompetent legal process?

It's just a formality. Besides, your wife's vows were lies, the marriage was a sham, it's not only over, it never really was.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Yes but it could also mean. "I never meant much to him", "I deserve better", "He lied to me, he doesn't care", etc etc
> 
> It's a double edged sword, must be wielded very carefully. I've made the mistake of playing this game during marriage as well a few times over the last 4 years, the results were... bad. I've hence corrected it but the damage was already done.


Giving to receive rarely yields the wanted results.

The same applies here.

Dating to get a reaction is an unpredictable thing.

Who knows how it will end up.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> My divorce took almost 4 years due to the conflict and slow legal system.
> 
> Once I moved out I considered myself single for all practical purposes and started dating and screwing.
> 
> ...


If the other side is going to drag it out simply out of spite or some childish antics then why would you wait around for that to finally end.

Especially if you're over it and doing it for yourself.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> If the other side is going to drag it out simply out of spite or some childish antics then why would you wait around for that to finally end.
> 
> Especially if you're over it and doing it for yourself.


Even if the other side wants it done too, regardless of the reasons, if it's taking months or years, there's no good reason to put your new life on hold just because you feel it isn't morally correct.

I shake my head when I see people talking about the sanctity of marriage and how they respect it even though it's as good as over.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Yes but it could also mean. "I never meant much to him", "I deserve better", "He lied to me, he doesn't care", etc etc
> 
> It's a double edged sword, must be wielded very carefully. I've made the mistake of playing this game during marriage as well a few times over the last 4 years, the results were... bad. I've hence corrected it but the damage was already done.


During the marriage is different thing mate ! Why you wanna make her jealous during the marriage ? This is like asking for divorce !

And this thing - "I never meant much to him", "I deserve better", "He lied to me, he doesn't care - in my case doesn't matter at all ( Dewiane case too ) - they left us, they got posOMs , so what now ? We should stay miserable and unhappy just so they don't feel this way ? 
Next week we have court date , so I'll play the jealousy card and it is what it is ! We're going to D anyways , I just wanna try my last chance , or at least to make her feel jealous .
But this is only me and my situation 

@Up , I agree but I just don't understand how can you be faithful to something that doesn't exist any more ? ( OK on papers we're still married , but that doesn't mean much )


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I've made the mistake of playing this game during marriage as well a few times over the last 4 years, the results were... bad. I've hence corrected it but the damage was already done.


Yeah most wive's or girlfriends won't react positively to their husband or boyfriend going out and dating other women and having sex with them while they're supposed to be exclusive.

Not sure why you didn't figure that out until after the damage was done but hey better late than never.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> @Up , I agree but I just don't understand how can you be faithful to something that doesn't exist any more ? ( OK on papers we're still married , but that doesn't mean much )


If he is happy with himself in doing so, then who are we to judge?

Becoming stronger now by working on himself isn't a bad thing.

Don't have to be messing around to find that strength.

Then when the divorce is said and done, a solid perspective on life may have been found and he can take it from there.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Next week we have court date , so I'll play the jealousy card


That's just ridiculous.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

OP:

You need to live your life for YOU. YOU have to look at yourself in the mirror daily; your friends don't have to.

For me, personally, I'm more into the "spirit of the law" than the "letter of the law". If I'm engaged to someone then THAT is the same as being married in my mind; we just haven't said the MAGIC WORDS and had some legal functionary put his/her OFFICIAL STAMP on our relationship. But I owe my fiance the same duties/respect I owe my husband.

Ditto the reverse. If we've split and we're divorcing, then THAT is the same as being divorced in my mind; we just haven't heard the legal functionary say the MAGIC WORDS and put his/her OFFICIAL STAMP on our relationship. But I owe my STBXH no more duty/respect than I owe my EX-husband.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> If he is happy with himself in doing so, then who are we to judge?



And if you attack me one more time like this I'll complain to the Admins !!!

Really F*******G ENOUGH of you !!!!!!!!!!!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> And if you attack me one more time like this I'll complain to the Admins !!!
> 
> Really F*******G ENOUGH of you !!!!!!!!!!!


Excuse me?

It's in regards to a person finding happiness.

Has nothing to do with you, especially seeing how I said "we" in a general term.

I'm sorry you feel that way.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

BigMac said:


> And if you attack me one more time like this I'll complain to the Admins !!!
> 
> Really F*******G ENOUGH of you !!!!!!!!!!!


You can't be serious.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Yes, Up has it right. It's for 2 different periods of time. 

I didn't let that night get too far with that other girl because 1. I wasn't ready, not really. 2. I still am married. My vows were the world to me. My vows were my promise. 

We'll see how I feel later on if it takes forever. But right now, I feel like a more faithful person if I wait. Plain and simple. I'm a betrayed spouse. I was cheated on. Do you really think I'm gonna just cut the corners as close to such? no. I feel it's wrong. My value and my worth is more than that, to me. I don't do it to make you guys happy, I dont do it to make anyone but MYSELF happy and proud of myself. 

As far as using someone else to feel better. *(edited for length*)
I'm not going to be "using" anyone, if that's a concern.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> You can't be serious.



I'm very serious yes. That thing Up is "walking" behind my every post since Saturday and I really have enough of it !!


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

BigMac said:


> I'm very serious yes. That thing Up is "walking" behind my every post since Saturday and I really have enough of it !!


I'm not seeing that at all.

Take a step back, deep breaths and realize no one is attacking you.

You're in a bad place so you're over reacting.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

wow that got outta hand quickly.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Yes, Up has it right. It's for 2 different periods of time.
> 
> I didn't let that night get too far with that other girl because 1. I wasn't ready, not really. 2. I still am married. My vows were the world to me. My vows were my promise.
> 
> ...


I had a chance in August while out on a long weekend camping trip with a cute army girl.

All my buddies had bets (I found out later) going to see if I would seal the deal.

We had a great time in the water, drinking and sharing stories.

At the end of it, I did not want to continue it any further and simply enjoyed the experience.

Don't regret it.

Seeing how it was only myself, on a tube in the water surrounded by woman while everyone else was ahead of us .. the chances were golden.

Still, don't regret it.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> wow that got outta hand quickly.


People going through crises in their lives can have rather thin skin and react unpredictably.

I told him his jealousy plan was ridiculous.

I'm waiting for the return fire


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> People going through crises in their lives can have rather thin skin and react unpredictably.
> 
> I told him his jealousy plan was ridiculous.
> 
> I'm waiting for the return fire


ha ha , why do you think you're so important ??? 

I heard your opinion , thank you for that !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> I'm very serious yes. That thing Up is "walking" behind my every post since Saturday and I really have enough of it !!


What happened in SVLs thread (what, 2 days ago?) I will admit, I was out of line and I apologize. 

Which is also why I followed your lead and deleted / edited the posts.

I also stated that I would not continue in an open discussion about this and it could be dealt with through PMs.

If memory serves me correct, it was only yesterday that I commented on something in a positive light towards you and you 'liked' it.

Now, going back to Saturday.

That was advice given and open conversation to try and help you.

If you no longer request my help that is fine and I will refrain from giving YOU any direct advice.

This does not mean however that I will avoid giving advice to others within the same thread.

If you do not like my advice, thoughts or comments you are more than welcome to use human restraint and ignore them.

If not, then I am humbly sorry you feel that way.

Anything further on the matter can be handled through PMs.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Yeah, I may go out with someone. In fact I'd love to tbh. But I'm afraid to keep it civil and low key, ya know? If I happen to go to the movies while the stbxw is working, great. I'd love to show her I'm moving forward, but not in a jealous way. But again, I don't know how I'd feel. 

I've never cheated. I've talked, flirted and had inappropriate conversations a time or two. But they got out of hand and I ALWAYS stomped it out before the fire got up. When the flirting started and I realized waht was going on, I'm the one that stepped up and stopped it on my end. 

I'm strong in this area. I'm proud to be this strong. Maybe a little more than what you guys would say would be enough but we do things to make US happy. 

Up, sounds like a heck of a time man. I wish I'd done more like that in my life with my wife. We never tried to go to the lake or anything. Never had the money. We've got our own memories tho  

I just can't wait to create more memories. And I honestly don't care who it's with as long as I love their company and it reciprocates.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

BigMac said:


> ha ha , why do you think you're so important ???
> 
> I heard your opinion , thank you for that !


Why is UpnOver more important than I am?????

No FAIR!

I'm telling


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> What happened in SVLs thread (what, 2 days ago?) I will admit, I was out of line and I apologize.
> 
> Which is also why I followed your lead and deleted / edited the posts.
> 
> ...


Last one - you attacked me first last Sat when I say dating someone will help healing !

Whatever , please do not attack me anymore if you don't like my opinions ! I have my opinions and that is me ! Period !


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> People going through crises in their lives can have rather thin skin and react unpredictably.
> 
> I told him his jealousy plan was ridiculous.
> 
> I'm waiting for the return fire


I know Sharkeey. It's eating him up and I wish him well. 

I may type ok, but don't think for a second I'm still not torn to shreds inside. It hurts, and hurts a lot. But I'm able to swallow it down and keep it below surface for a much longer time. 

That's how we get better. 

Back to the sex. I'm ok with a bit of porn again. If it comes to that. I still have issues, it's hard to keep the mind movies out. So sometimes I just quit.  I miss the holding more now. I miss the takling, the hand holding. Hence why I went to a few girl's houses. I need a good shoulder to cry on> 

One girl held me for 2 hours. Sure, there's attraction there, not near as much as this other girl but we just enjoyed holding each other. Didn't say 2 words for almost an hour. I didn't feel like I was out of bounds and was nothing more than comforting.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I know Sharkeey. It's eating him up and I wish him well.
> 
> I may type ok, but don't think for a second I'm still not torn to shreds inside. It hurts, and hurts a lot. *But I'm able to swallow it down and keep it below surface for a much longer time. *
> 
> ...


Think the 2 could be related?


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

I have a friend from work that I've known for a while...she is currently going through a divorce and we speak often about our divorces and how soul crushing its been..she wants a friendship with benefits.. I've never tried that before and its been good for the past week or two. not sure if its going to go onto something else, however we are havinhg a blast..

its not for everyone and I'm not sure whats going to happen, but whatever!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

geek down said:


> I have a friend from work that I've known for a while...she is currently going through a divorce and we speak often about our divorces and how soul crushing its been..she wants a friendship with benefits.. I've never tried that before and its been good for the past week or two. not sure if its going to go onto something else, however we are havinhg a blast..
> 
> its not for everyone and I'm not sure whats going to happen, but whatever!


You guys discussed it and understand it in that context.

Neither of you are leading the other on.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

geek down said:


> I have a friend from work that I've known for a while...she is currently going through a divorce and we speak often about our divorces and how soul crushing its been..she wants a friendship with benefits.. I've never tried that before and its been good for the past week or two. not sure if its going to go onto something else, however we are havinhg a blast..
> 
> its not for everyone and I'm not sure whats going to happen, but whatever!


Thank you very much for this ! However with this statement you risk to be single minded , ridiculous , nasty and 101 words like this .


@Dewayne76

I just wanna let you know I wasn't judging you at all , but thanks no the helpful therapists here that can twist everything it might sounded like this.

I was just wondering why are you faithful to a marriage that is most probably going to turn into a D , that is all.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

well...I figure that if a great relationship starts with a great friendship and honesty, then why the F not?? I'm not seeing anyone and she's not either...if its just a friendship,thats fantastic too!! i could use more dependable friends.

....its rather nice to see guys turn and look at us when we walk around the malls..beauty and the geek..



BigMac said:


> Thank you very much for this ! However with this statement you risk to be single minded , ridiculous , nasty and 101 words like this .


explain please.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I know Sharkeey. It's eating him up and I wish him well.
> 
> I may type ok, but don't think for a second I'm still not torn to shreds inside. It hurts, and hurts a lot. But I'm able to swallow it down and keep it below surface for a much longer time.
> 
> ...


Give it time, hon.

I didn't think I'd ever want to have sex, again.

And, now...


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Give it time, hon.
> 
> I didn't think I'd ever want to have sex, again.
> 
> And, now...


:toast:


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

geek down said:


> well...I figure that if a great relationship starts with a great friendship and honesty, then why the F not?? I'm not seeing anyone and she's not either...if its just a friendship,thats fantastic too!! i could use more dependable friends.
> 
> ....its rather nice to see guys turn and look at us when we walk around the malls..beauty and the geek..


Yup.

You know what you are and aren't okay with and going for it.

Not a dang thing wrong with that :smthumbup:


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

geek down said:


> explain please.


Last Sat I said - dating someone ( and having fun and sex ) while in divorce will help healing big time.

Then some big time therapists here told me I'm wrong, ridiculous , single minded etc.

But this is my opinion and I stand for it , because just the exitment of it will make you feel better and make you forget the BS surrounding the D . There are plenty of girls around that search for FWB , so why not actually


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Last Sat I said - dating someone ( and having fun and sex ) while in divorce will help healing big time.
> 
> Then some big time therapists here told me I'm wrong, ridiculous , single minded etc.
> 
> But this is my opinion and I stand for it , because just the exitment of it will make you feel better and make you forget the BS surrounding the D . There are plenty of girls around that search for FWB , so why not actually


Calm down, sweetheart. 

Think about the sex, and not the therapists. That should do the trick.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Last Sat I said - dating someone ( and having fun and sex ) while in divorce will help healing big time.
> 
> Then some big time therapists here told me I'm wrong, ridiculous , single minded etc.
> 
> But this is my opinion and I stand for it , because just the exitment of it will make you feel better and make you forget the BS surrounding the D . There are plenty of girls around that search for FWB , so why not actually


Correction.

You TOLD them they should go out and sleep with people to make themselves feel better.

You were called single minded after berating a woman who said why she left her husband.

Why did I call you single minded and step out of line in that instance?

Because I know the woman, what she has been through and your ridiculous comment was far too out of line for the frame of mind she was in at the time.

Little did you know, she has a hard time coming back to TAM because of such comments like yours.

Are you familiar with resentment?

An apology was issued for the incident in the past yet it cannot be let go of.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Once again.

If you'd like to resolve this matter via PMs, I'm okay with that.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Calm down, sweetheart.
> 
> Think about the sex, and not the therapists. That should do the trick.


hahah here we go again ! 

@Up



> You TOLD them they should go out and sleep with people to make themselves feel better.


having sex doesn't feel better for you ?

are you sure you don't need therapy ?


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Not everyone's the same bro. 

I feel better knowing I have enough morals to keep faithful till the end. 

Ultimately, I personally wouldn't mind trying to make this work. But I don't see it and I'm not waiting for it. HOWEVER, until it is absolutely DONE... I'm staying faithful. Say I'm being faithful to myself if you wish. 

If what makes you happy is going out and having sex, please by all means do it. We all need to do what makes us happy.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Not everyone's the same bro.
> 
> I feel better knowing I have enough morals to keep faithful till the end.
> 
> ...


I'm proud of you, D-Rock.

Wait.

Can I call you D-Rock?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> having sex doesn't feel better for you ?
> 
> are you sure you don't need therapy ?


Well that's quite the question.

Loaded gun really.

Firstly, yes. Sex does make me feel good.

Great actually.

You know what doesn't make me feel good?

Using someone for sex to make myself feel better.

What a shallow perspective on life, thinking I could go around luring woman in for sex then dumping them on the side after I feel better.

Well, not only shallow, it's manipulative.

I'm not okay using someone to make myself feel better.

Now, if said person and I (such as Geek and his lady friend, for example) both had an understanding that this was for sex and nothing more.

Great.

We would both be okay with it and do as we please.

To assume that someone else is capable or able to separate the emotional connection something such as sex has on a person and 'it's just for tonight babe, nice @ss by the way now get out of my house' .. you're delusional.

(side note, I did learn today that assuming is a horrid way to base ones goals)

I believe what you are seeking, is a hooker.

Hookers are consenting and understanding of the given situation.

Although, you do have to give to receive in a sense.

Which is an entire can of worms when you come to think of it .. as they expect to receive in order to give.

Does that make sense?

Or do you need therapy?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Once again.

If you'd like to conclude this tirade via PMs.

I'm okay with that.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> I believe what you are seeking, is a hooker.


Ah , you seem to getting it if you want ! 

But you still manage to put ALLOT of crap around it ! Good JOB !

No intentions to talk to **** like you !

Please don't bother any more !!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I'm proud of you, D-Rock.
> 
> Wait.
> 
> Can I call you D-Rock?


LOL! Absolutely hon. I kinda like that. Holy cow.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> LOL! Absolutely hon. I kinda like that. Holy cow.


That can be your stage name.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Wait....

You're D-Roc?!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Wait....
> 
> You're D-Roc?!


That tattoo is frightening.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Now, if said person and I (such as Geek and his lady friend, for example) both had an understanding that this was for sex and nothing more.


some people would say its wrong because the divorces are not final..each to his own..

now as for mac-man...James Carville said it best..sometimes the only way to get through to that boy is with a 2X4 upside the head..He'll turn around when pine meets skull..

Locationed in "the island of the dumped spouses" and is now using women to compensate...He'll get the 2X4 shortly..


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

It sounds like what your wife is saying that she is not going to date,but FWB is a different story.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Like you, I firmly believe in the sanctity of marriage. Although my unfaithful STBXW has rampantly violated our marriage vows, I will not!

And once the divorce decree is finally issued, I really only want sex when there is some lady with whom I can establish a true emotional and loving connection!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Like you, I firmly believe in the sanctity of marriage. Although my unfaithful STBXW has rampantly violated our marriage vows, I will not!
> 
> And once the divorce decree is finally issued, I really only want sex when there is some lady with whom I can establish a true emotional and loving connection!


Arbitrator, I have nothing but respect for you and how you have handled your situation.

Although our stories are not similar in style, I did gain a lot of clarity and insight from not only you, but the advice given at the time in your thread when I first arrived here.

If anyone had a reason to say 'screw it' and start dating, it's you.

That being said.

It all comes down to what you are and are not okay with.

What makes you happy.

If it makes you happy to honor the last remaining months of your marriage, who is anyone to judge.

No different than wearing bright red pants with a neon green fuzzy sweater.

Sure, people will walk by and say "why would anyone EVER do that".

Why? Because "I" like to.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Originally posted by UpnOver:
> 
> Firstly, yes. Sex does make me feel good.
> 
> ...


*sigh* ...Can I cyber-date you?


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