# Left him after 32 years



## Suspect (Jan 12, 2016)

Our entire marriage has had ups and downs. Mostly of everyone else coming before our family. His friends were always a priority, he never upheld me to others, and he always found fault with me. I am unable to express my feelings,concerns, etc because he screams at me telling me I have issues ( his new word for crazy) that he has none. He never says he is sorry or willing to consider things from my perspective.

I know it was the wrong way to go about it but I left Monday before he came home from work taking our adult disabled son with me. The not I left was about where he would be able to locate things like sheets, trash bags, how to do the laundry.

I told him back in February I was leaving and convienced me to stay. He has had involvement with 2 women I know of in the last 2 years. One he was pursuing for a year the other a few months. He sent a everything. All the marital problems are only my fault. He has no participation in any of it according to him. I have also been told that one of my sons has knowledge of the last female and been helping him with the secret. 

He constantly lies to me has secrets hides his phone all suspicious behavior. The last time he told me I have issues cut me deep and I was unable tolerate another time of easing my words on deaf ears, to someone I feel doesn't care and wanted out but didn't have the balls to say so he didn't want to look bad in his kids eyes.

He has the freedom he wants but we do need to discuss the finances and the involvement he wants with his adult disabled son. I did leave him a note two days ago saying if he wants to talk we can arrange a time and place. I will not meet with him unless it is in public because I am not going to be screamed and cursed at any more.

He has not contaced me to ask about his son or to meet and talk. My mother says he doesn't care has his freedom and will not contact me. This is very hard on my son. I don't care if he contacts me about me but he does need to be there for our son.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good for you for getting out! This man does not love you, you did the right thing. I know its scary, but stay strong, and let us know what we can help with here.


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## Bremik (Feb 6, 2009)

Good job in having the strength to do what is best for you and your son! Don't let your husband talk you in to coming back


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You have been in an abusive marriage. When you get time, start reading about it so you can understand better what was going on.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am so happy for you, more importantly i truly hope you will find happiness for yourself.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Oh wow, I am SO sorry it came to this. But thank god you left. He sounds like an AWFUL person! And I really hope you can come to terms with what you've been through soon.

I hate to say it, but he may not ever 'be there' for your son. Unfortunately you will have to also come to terms with that if it happens.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I went through and skimmed your previous threads, and I remember reading them when you posted. I am SO SO glad you got out!!


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## Suspect (Jan 12, 2016)

The hard part is the son asks if his dad has checked on him. He keeps saying he wants to go home. I don't think he will be there for our son. It is just hard with him being so sick. Our son has deteriorated a lot since October. With very little improvement. 

However I cannot pay for us a place to live and pay the mortgage on house along with all his auto insurance. The credit card n my name he maxed out and not paying on.

My other son


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## Suspect (Jan 12, 2016)

Sorry had issues my other son was angry with me for leaving he is grown but still at home. He feels I abandoned him because he was unaware of there being problems. He understood I could not take another cutting of his tongue of being told I have issues and that I asked him to go to counseling with what son calls a referee was a good idea but couldn't understand why his dad would not do it.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

What social services have you inquired in @Suspect?

I know you were going to look into those for the both of you...


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Keep strong and know you did the right thing.

Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If your son is angry, give him material to read about abuse and tell him that you have an obligation to protect yourself so that you can be there for yourself AND for your kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You might want to see a lawyer and get the divorce started. That might help you some with your financial issues. Your husband most likely will not pay attention to this until you file for divorce.

How old are your two sons? 

What are things you can do for your son who is still at the home with your husband? Maybe you can think of things that will make him feel that you did not abandon him. Like maybe invite him to dinner with you and your other son.

Can your disabled son make phone calls? Perhaps he could call his father every day or two.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Just a thought-several states have modified their child support laws and require parents of disabled children to continue support past the age of majority. From the state's pov. it keeps these kids from becoming wards of the state. Yet another reason to see an attorney.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Suspect said:


> Sorry had issues my other son was angry with me for leaving he is grown but still at home. He feels I abandoned him because he was unaware of there being problems. He understood I could not take another cutting of his tongue of being told I have issues and that I asked him to go to counseling with what son calls a referee was a good idea but couldn't understand why his dad would not do it.


Quit hiding these issues from your kids. What do you think that's getting them or you?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Suspect, glad you made it out and about time from your useless WH.

Are you living in the UK? If you can get help from the state for your son, look into it.
I thought your other son was married? 

Go and see a lawyer (pro bono) to see what are your rights. If your name is on the house, maybe you can either sell it or have your WH kicked out so that your disabled son has a place?

Are you financially self sufficient?

You can do this!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

TAM dancing again and posted in wrong place!


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