# I finally just cant do this



## Komaki (May 17, 2012)

My name is Komaki. ( Yes it is my real name) I have an 8 yro son with a woman whom is an incredible lier. We both work opposite shifts in the medical field and she has began sleeping with the Dr she works for. She wont quit and he wont fire her ,and everytime I catch them, the lies just get better. And when I call them on it they just get smarter. She beggs me to stay with her when Im home. Wants to save her family. But the second I go to work she is with him. She dumps my son with her mother (her enabler) and off go their cell phones and the clothes. When she does answer my past calls, so does he. She tells me lame stories as to why. He was telling the truth for awhile. Then she gets extreamly angry at me for suspecting. Shortly after she says she doesnt want to lose me and wants to keep her family. but the next time I go to work, she goes to him again. What can I do here?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Why hasn't she left you for him? Is he married?

You have to respect yourself.

Your wife keeps up her behavior because she knows you won't do anything about it. She has no reason to stop it.

In order to save your marriage, you must be willing to lose it.

You may lose your marriage no matter what you do, so you might as well act in such a way as to retain your self respect.

Expose the affair to the other man's wife. Do not tell your wife you are doing this, just do it. She will help you break up the affair. If he doesn't have a wife, expose it to his family and friends, even his employer, anyone who would be able to apply pressure to help end the affair. Also expose it to your and your wife's family/friends. Let them know your wife is having an affair, name who the other man is, and ask for their support of your marriage.

Tell your wife she must end the affair. She must quit her job and have no further contact with the other man. She must give you access to all of her communication devices and accounts, all passwords. If she refuses any of these, tell her you will file for divorce. Then do it. Divorce is a long process that can always be stopped if your wife agrees to your conditions. Your wife has had her way for so long, that she will not believe you are going to do it. Only after you do it will she begin to take you seriously, end the affair, and work on your marriage. She may not do it even then, but in my opinion it is the only chance you've got.

Looking back, you never said you were married. If not, the same basic advice goes. If she doesn't think she is going to lose you over this, she will not take you or your relationship seriously.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Until you grow a spine and start enforcing some boundaries, expect the behavior to continue. Why should they stop? They clearly enjoy what they're doing, and there's no consequences to them continuing it. There's plenty of information in this forum on breaking up an affair and what to do if they won't stop.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I am sorry but she is playing you for a complete fool. If the roles were reversed would she accept such humiliation and disrespect from you? She is putting your health at risk for STD's. Nobody respects a doormat. She clearly believes that you will do nothing so there is no reason to stop the affair. She has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and thinks you are a fool. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL? It is time for you to see a lawyer and stop this madness. Good luck.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

You are nothing but the back up plan and your WW is a classic cake eater.











The ONLY reason she's with you right now is that she's waiting for him to divorce his wife, or waiting to be his wife. When that happens, you will be cast off like yesterdays newspaper.

Expose this affair to his wife and kick your own wife to the curb. She needs to experience reality. Do. It. Now.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hit her with hard sanctions.

You cannot "nice" a spouse out of their affair. Go to a lawyer and start the divorce process. Have her served by a third party, at work. Ask her to move out, and tell her that the marriage is on hold as long as she and the OM are together. 

If you live in Canada... you're screwed. 

Whatever your circumstance, you cannot let this status quo go on any longer. Take action and do something!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Sorry to say, her mother is not the enabler but sadly its you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to grows spine first. She obviously believes she can do this without you ever actually doing anything.

So do something.
1. Kick her out, but keep your son. Find child care help to help with him.
2. Exposé the affair. Let everyone at his office knw your wife is sleeping with him. Tell all friends and family that your wife has chosen to be another man's wh0re.
3. Cut off any money you are giving her. 
4. Pack her clothes and tell her to leave.

Make the affair humiliating for the cheaters. You are afraid of looking bad yourself, but right now you are miserable and living inside if a nightmare with a woman who has no lover or respect for you.

To her you aren't a real man, you are the person who helps pay for where she sleeps until her lover wants her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

It's time to draw a line in the sand. Ask yourself if you can live without her. Then tell yourself you can. You don't ask her to quit, you tell her it's him or you. Look in the mirrow and ask yourself if you like the person you see, who is letting this happen to him. Seriously, is this what you married for, to be disrepected and made to feel this hurt. You expose these ppl to everyone, friend and foe. As for her mom, go by and thank her for helping to breakup her grandson's family. Then go separate money and file D papers. Also if you have the $$, hire a PI and get it documented.


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## Komaki (May 17, 2012)

Komaki said:


> My name is Komaki. ( Yes it is my real name) I have an 8 yro son with a woman whom is an incredible lier. We both work opposite shifts in the medical field and she has began sleeping with the Dr she works for. She wont quit and he wont fire her ,and everytime I catch them, the lies just get better. And when I call them on it they just get smarter. She beggs me to stay with her when Im home. Wants to save her family. But the second I go to work she is with him. She dumps my son with her mother (her enabler) and off go their cell phones and the clothes. When she does answer my past calls, so does he. She tells me lame stories as to why. He was telling the truth for awhile. Then she gets extreamly angry at me for suspecting. Shortly after she says she doesnt want to lose me and wants to keep her family. but the next time I go to work, she goes to him again. What can I do here?


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## Komaki (May 17, 2012)

Yes we are married.I did everything you all said. It didnt work.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

What exactly you did? Kicked her out? Cut off the finances? Exposed in your social circle? Filed for divorce?


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

snap said:


> What exactly you did? Kicked her out? Cut off the finances? Exposed in your social circle? Filed for divorce?


This.

If you did all these things, your wife would be working somewhere else now, living outside of your home now, the doctor's life would be in turmoil as he tries to save his professional reputation and his family (assuming he's married), her family and yours would be shunning/shaming her (except her mother, who apparently does not like you and wants her daughter to marry a doctor), and your lawyer would have served her with divorce papers already.

Not trying to be harsh, just wondering if all these things have taken place?

Your W won't respect you if you do anything else. She sounds like Nurse Jackie. Only way to break that cycle is to rock her world from the inside out. Take it all away and then see if she cares enough to try to get it back. This is your power here.

Sorry this is happening...but with the amount of disrespect and humiliation she is heaping on you, you must realize the only way to move forward with your dignity intact (which is pretty much all any of us have when you get down to it) is to make all the hard plays and give her what she deserves. Right now, that does NOT include being a loving, understanding, hopeful and doting spouse. She needs consequences, and you are the only one who can impose them.

When you do, you may have a chance to resolve things, but only when she comes to you on her knees...for REAL. Her begging for forgiveness while at home and then going to bang Dr. Feelgood at work is a cycle that can only be stopped with your size 13 foot going up this affair's a$$.

Good luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

See a lawyer/attorney/solicitor who specialises in divorce.

You owe it to yourself, your son and the woman who you married, who seems to have been replaced by a pod person.

Good luck. You do not deserve this.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

When your son grows up, do you want him to think this is the way marriage is. It's a good thing he is too young to see what a bad example you are setting. Just think, the dr. has no intentions of marrying your wife. If so, she would have left you by now. The only reason she says keep the family together, is bc he won't commit to her. So think about this. When they finally part she will just find another. Is this the marriage you want ? Let me ask, is this your 1st woman ?? How did you survive before you met her ? Are you willing to share your wife for the rest of your life ?? Well if she is willing to do this now, what is to stop her in the future. You say it didn't work, well that mean you didn't pack her bags and throw them out the door, or take them to her moms house. So its not about her now its about YOU, and how much more of your dignity and self /respect you are willing to sacrifice in the name of love. ITS ABOUT YOU NOW !!!!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She wants you to be a cuckold husband. Cut her loose and get your dignity back.


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