# Not again...



## yellowbrickroad (Nov 27, 2011)

H had a PA 6 years ago...begged for forgiveness...worked it out because of 2 children. During this time of "working" it out we find out the OW was pregnant. I accepted this and we continued to "work" it out. He pays child support and sees the child as he chooses. I have tried to protect our 2 children, but now that they are older they know. Fast forward 6 years...my H is acting strange. Ever night had somewhere he had to go..constant texting..I got up a couple of different nights and he would be texting. When I asked to see his phone (work issued) he said no and I was invading his privacy. Needless to say..it got ugly. Finally told me he was not happy. Wanted to be able to come and go as he wanted... needed freedom. He has left a couple of times and then would come back the next day. He decided one day he was coming home to stay and that was all of it. No talking about it. I told him we could go to counseling and he said no. My problem now is he doesn't want to talk about it. He says he was just "talking" to someone but nothing happened. My oldest daughter thinks she knows who he was talking to. This person has blocked me completely from seeing her profile or anything on FB. My sister can see her profile (even though she isn't friends with her), but I can't see anything. Now I am questioning me letting him come back. I have a feeling he is still talking to her...how do I make him understand I need to talk about it and he owes me that?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

You know, he knows, she knows and even your daughter knows that your husband is cheating on you. Going out and not coming home until the next day and refusing to tell you where he was is proof enough, even if he did not already have a history of cheating on you in the past. His cheating past only adds another nail to the coffin. 

Forget about talking with him about it. What would be the point? Do enjoy being lied to? Do you enjoy him blame shifting everything to be your fault? The only thing that matters is what are you going to do about it???


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

TRy said:


> You know, he knows, she knows and even your daughter knows that your husband is cheating on you. Going out and not coming home until the next day and refusing to tell you where he was is proof enough, even if he did not already have a history of cheating on you in the past. His cheating past only adds another nail to the coffin.
> 
> Forget about talking with him about it. What would be the point? Do enjoy being lied to? Do you enjoy him blame shifting everything to be your fault? The only thing that matters is what are you going to do about it???


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
OP I am so sorry for you because you sound like you may be an understanding and decent person. But it does sound like he is playing you. BUT...you might be able to bring him down off his stupid behavior if he really loves you. Try to bring him down to what he is doing,make him face reality,and see if he loves you or wants his cake and to eat it too.


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## I_Will_Survive (Oct 28, 2011)

:iagree:
Sorry. I can't say what's going on, but SO not good. {Hugs.}


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## yellowbrickroad (Nov 27, 2011)

Just caught him texting again... said it was just a friend..nothing to it. He won't tell me who he is talking to...I asked him if it was ok if I had a man to talk to and he told me he didn't care who I talked to....think he just answered my question...this relationship is over!!


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Oh Dorothy,that yellow brick road seems to have led you to a cheaters world. Suggestion...throw a bucket of water on him and see if he melts. That 'water' might involve if he might love you or if he might get jealous over something you do that is similiar to what he is doing. Not saying to do two wrongs to make a right,that is never good. But just maybe he needs WOKE up?


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

yellowbrickroad;

There are many different kinds of fog and one of them is our refusal to see what is out in plain sight. I don't blame you the pain is near unbearable.

But you must ask yourself very hard questions: Is this life I am living of quality? Is this the person I want to share my precious life with? 

You have already given him a chance (most people consider adultery deal breakers) but he has squandered it. Are you going to give him another?

I feel empathy for you. I have been there but I gave him one chance MC, he refused. He was in the fog of his PA. One day he will wake up and realize I am gone.

I am not advising you that would be presumptious of me. I am only telling you what I did. I found out, I shared with him, offered MC, was refused and I divorced him in 4 months. End of fairy tale. Hah.
Was I in pain? Oh yes, it was awful. Was it the right thing to do? Yes because I could not live with someone who placed me second while he was dipping his wick and would not come out of his fog after I stood by him through alimony, child support and job losses.

Sorry but I come first now.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Yellowbrickroad-

I so understand what you are going through and I am sorry for all the pain and emotional distress you are living with. 

I know first hand. Our stories are very similar. My H had an affair 4 years ago. When he ended it, his tramp called me and told me everything. I was shocked, confronted him and he begged me to stay. We went through marriage counseling and he said he felt emasculated since his business was failing and thought I was not supporting him. Nothing was further from the truth.

Our marriage suffered and we became distant. We continued counseling and to live together and I slowly started to trust him again. Money issues were still front runner in our life since the General Contracting business slowed to a snail due to economy.

3 years later, I began seeing the same pattern of behaviour. Missing for hours, always excuses to leave the home at night, "working" although no money was coming in, texting and phone calls, computer chats. When I questioned him he would get angry and name call. In March we went to Italy to celebrate our 50th b-days with a group of close friends. Although we could not afford it, I really thought we needed to re-group as a family. It was HORRIBLE. He was mean to everyone and irritated the entire time. Was in a depression that he could not text his tramp since our cells did not work in Europe. He would walk around the city for an hour and bought Euro calling cards to talk to his tramp. 

When we returned, I checked the cell phone coverage on our bill and noticed the minute we landed in the United States, texting and calling started to his tramp. I called her and told her to stop texting and calling my H. Both continued to communicate. I call blocked all her numbers from our "FAMILY" plan. H became furious. Got into a big fight and he yelled that I was obsessed with his phone. I picked his blackberry and threw it in our pool. I told him I was now CURED and told him "Get the F*CK out of the house".

Since that day, he has been renting a shack and mostly living with his tramp. 

Although I still love him and miss him after 16 years, I am filing for divorce in January. He sends me emails saying he misses me. Does not want a divorce. Fog is lifting BIG TIME. Holidays and family events are probably the cause for the remorse. 

Sadly, I will never be able to trust him again. I cannot live under a microscope.

He destroyed a pretty damned good marriage with his affairs. He knows it, I know it and everyone we know knows it.

The sad part about your WS having 2 affairs in 4+ years is that it really affects your self esteem, your judgements, your emotions, your parenting and your complete personality. You second guess everything and everyone. You feel badly about yourself for a very long time examining what you did wrong, what you could have changed, what made him stray, what did the tramp have that you don't, etc.... 

Then one day, you will wake up and realize you are a good person. You were a good spouse. You were loyal, faithful and supportive. You are a good parent, a loyal friend, a loving daugher in law, sister in law, aunt, sister, friend. You are repected by coworkers, staff, girl scout leaders and YOURSELF. 

You deserve a faithful loving spouse and WILL NOT settle for anything less NOW or in the FUTURE.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

He's treating you like a doormat. You ARE NOT a doormat. You deserve to be respected and loved by the man who promised to be your faithful husband. File for divorce.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

He's a persistent cheater.

Do not continue to enable his cheating.


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