# Great Guy, What gives?



## wannabefree? (Jul 24, 2008)

I have known my husband for 7 years now and we've been married for 2. We have no children.
My husband is compassionate, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, good-looking, and I know he would be a wonderful father one day. So what's the problem?

Problem is, is that I think I'm not in love with him. I think I married a friend. I have no sexual connection with him, and have been struggling with that since before we got married, although he is still very interested in me. There was a time when I felt a spark, but that was a long time ago, and I feel guilty that it's gone.

I feel that our marriage is convienent, that we're more roomates than anything. We don't share many common interests, and I am happy to pursue mine alone, but I want to share things with him and have companionship. Whenever we spend time together, it's always doing what he wants to do.
I can't remember the last real conversation that we had. We always have 'small talk,' but we rarely discuss things in depth, something I have a real need for. 

I moved across the country to be with him, and changed my life completely for him, and I'm happy where I am, but I'm questioning myself for doing that, and I'm feeling a strong urge to be independent and to do things for myself. I feel that I need to develop myself as an individual before I can really give myself completely in a relationship.



I don't know what to do. I feel that I would disappoint so many people by separating or divorcing my husband, and that it could be a huge mistake because he's such a 'catch'. I'm also so indecisive and wishy-washy about things. On the other hand, he deserves to be loved by someone who can reciprocate his love, and I can't find that love for him right now. And I can't stay and cheat myself. I'm at a crossroads righ now.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

dont make rash decisions. i think you need to really sit down with eachother for real talks. 
relationships can start afresh. you just have to want to try.
i have fallen out of love a few times with my fella, we have our days, weve split up., love /hate eachother. but who doesnt . you are not alone.
if your at a cross roads, maybe u just need to have some space - but thats where you have to get in touch with him again.


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## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

I think that you need to revist the feelings that made you make the choice of moving across the country to be with him and move closly to regain those feelings. the candel has just been blown out relite it very simple.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I know for me and emotional connection with my husband has everything to do with my physical desires for him. When I feel disconnected, that we are both just living our separate lives going through the daily grind it's just not there. He sounds like a great guy otherwise, so if it were me I'd focus on building that connection with him. I would definitely go the route of marriage counseling to open this up for discussion before considering leaving the marriage.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

SOunds like your husband is a keper but you allowed the passion to go. Start dating again, holding hands and kissing. The spark can come back and if it was there before you can get it again.

draconis


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## confusedandalone (Jul 26, 2008)

I am in the exact same situation that you are in!! When I read your post I felt so relieved. Finally someone else in my predicament that knows how I feel. I met my husband in college and we started dating freshman year. I was attracted to him and we dated straight for about a year and a half. Thats when we started fighting and clashing. We broke up a few times during college for a few months at a time. I broke up with a boyfriend and then because I think I was afraid to be alone I got back together with my husband. We lived together first and then got married. I almost left him during the engagement many times because of his temper and not feeling love for him but I think I fooled myself into thinking it would get better after we got married. Things snowballed and we bought a house, got a dog and cat..etc... I don't feel that I love him and I don't know if I have for a long time. I don't feel like we have anything in common and also only make "small talk". 

I really dont' know what to do, I hate the idea of divorce because he is such an awesome guy. He has a great job, great work ethic, is an awesome provider. He's handsome, attentive, affectionate. I don't know whats wrong with me that I don't love him and probably haven't in about 8 years. My family keeps telling me to go to counseling but we did that and it got better for a little while but only because I think I was pretending for his sake. He cries and cries when I talk about the possibility of divorce so it absolutely crushes me but I don't think I want to have children with him or spend the rest of my life with him. He deserves a wife that will reciprocate the level of love that he has for me. THis is killing me. I'm just wondering what you've done so far and if its worked to get the spark back and if anyone else has any advice for me.


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## idontknow (Jul 27, 2008)

My wife and I are going through similiar thing. She tells me that I'm a great guy but just not for her. And her family tells her that she will regret it if she decides to divorce me. We had a great relationship in the beginning but started to go down hill a few months ago. It feels like we're just roommates now not a couple. She is now telling me she does not believe in marriage anymore and does not want to have kids. I'm also lost and she does not want to talk much. So my advice...Talk to him and be open and honest. I think he would appreciate that. good luck


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

its a shame your wife does not appreciate you idontknow.


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## idontknow (Jul 27, 2008)

justean said:


> its a shame your wife does not appreciate you idontknow.


yes, i know. But to be honest...I can't place all the blame on her. I know I'm partially to blame also. What really frustrates me is that, it seems like she has already given up without trying. She is not willing to talk so we can work it out. She does not want to go marriage conseling either. She just says she wants to move out. I'm at a lost...


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