# My husband cheats on me all the time



## wishfuldrinking (Dec 15, 2014)

I am recently married. My husband left his last girlfriend for me and she is still in the picture.  She's insane. She even broke into our house to assault me when we first got together. I thought she was gone from his life and the times she would pop up when we were out in public was just because she was crazy. However, my husband just recently confessed that he's slept with her quite a few times over the last few months. He doesn't love her. He hates her. They had this horrible, toxic relationship. Abusive and volatile. But I think he is addicted to the pain and the drama of it. I have tried to be the best wife I can be. I cook, clean, have sex with him all the time, make him laugh, support him in every thing I can. But, I am feeling so low. He tells me he wants to be with me and he doesn't want to see her anymore or sleep with her anymore. He says it's just hard because he can be his darkest, most evil self with her. I told him he can be that with me. I will be anything he needs me to be and I think he is going to try to be better. But I really don't know. He told me today he wanted to talk to her because he was feeling numb inside. He didn't. He called me instead. But the fact that he still wanted to hurts. What's worse is that I'm pregnant. We planned it and everything. He told me he wanted to have a baby with me and we would be together forever...blah, blah, blah. But all the while he was cheating on me with her. Now he says he is going to stop. He is going to be better. But how can I trust him? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and I don't want to leave and raise my future child in a broken home. What do you do when you're pregnant and your husband is a cheater?


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Recently married and already cheating? Yikes!

Be honest. What would you tell a girlfriend who was in your situation?


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## Binji (Jun 25, 2014)

What do you do? Many options..

A. Get back...Make a video of you and some big buff males getting it on...It can be either fake or real...Your choice.

B. Leave...Get some support from family and friends..Get a new place and leave. Simple as that.

C. Girl Power....Few Choices
~~~ Get a sharp box cutter and wack his man hood off (Lor. Bobbitt)
~~~Bust the windows in his car.(Jasmine Sullivan)
~~~Burn his clothes...Then go to the woman's workplace and slap the 
dog isn out of the woman (Angela Basset - Waiting to exhale)

D. Stay and watch him cheat over and over again.

The choice is yours.


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## wishfuldrinking (Dec 15, 2014)

I'd tell her to leave. I know I should. I don't know how. I love him very much. I've never met anyone I connect with like I do him. And no I'm pregnant. It's all so white trash and complicated. I'm scared that if I stay nothing will ever change. I'm scared that if I leave I'll never find happiness again.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

wishfuldrinking said:


> I'm scared that if I leave I'll never find happiness again.


Are you gravitationally and aesthetically challenged?

If not, your scenario seems unlikely.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

wishfuldrinking said:


> I am recently married.* My husband left his last girlfriend for me *and she is still in the picture.  She's insane. She even broke into our house to assault me when we first got together. I thought she was gone from his life and the times she would pop up when we were out in public was just because she was crazy. However, my husband just recently confessed that he's slept with her quite a few times over the last few months. He doesn't love her. He hates her. They had this horrible, toxic relationship. Abusive and volatile. But I think he is addicted to the pain and the drama of it. I have tried to be the best wife I can be. I cook, clean, have sex with him all the time, make him laugh, support him in every thing I can. But, I am feeling so low. He tells me he wants to be with me and he doesn't want to see her anymore or sleep with her anymore. He says it's just hard because he can be his darkest, most evil self with her. I told him he can be that with me. I will be anything he needs me to be and I think he is going to try to be better. But I really don't know. He told me today he wanted to talk to her because he was feeling numb inside. He didn't. He called me instead. But the fact that he still wanted to hurts. What's worse is that I'm pregnant. We planned it and everything. He told me he wanted to have a baby with me and we would be together forever...blah, blah, blah. But all the while he was cheating on me with her. Now he says he is going to stop. He is going to be better. But how can I trust him? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and I don't want to leave and raise my future child in a broken home. What do you do when you're pregnant and your husband is a cheater?


Was he cheating on her with you? Is this a case of Karmic revanche? Revanche | Define Revanche at Dictionary.com


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## wishfuldrinking (Dec 15, 2014)

No. They were an on and off again nightmare relationship. When he met me he broke it off with her and we started to date. We fell in love and I thought we had this amazing fairy-tale relationship...actually everyone did. We were that gross couple that exudes happiness. We got married. Life is great. We had our ups and downs and then one thing leads to another and I find out that he's still been hooking up with the ex periodically over the course of our entire relationship. He says he hates her. He goes to her when he's angry and can't control his thoughts. He treats her like crap, ****s her, and comes home. Clear-headed and ready to be the perfect husband....he had me so fooled. It wasn't until I caught him in a couple lies that he finally came clean about everything. He says he came clean so that we can move forward and be together and raise this baby. Do I believe him or just assume he's going to be better at lying this time around...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

wishfuldrinking said:


> No. They were an on and off again nightmare relationship. When he met me he broke it off with her and we started to date. We fell in love and I thought we had this amazing fairy-tale relationship...actually everyone did. We were that gross couple that exudes happiness. We got married. Life is great. We had our ups and downs and then one thing leads to another and I find out that he's still been hooking up with the ex periodically over the course of our entire relationship. He says he hates her. He goes to her when he's angry and can't control his thoughts. He treats her like crap, ****s her, and comes home. Clear-headed and ready to be the perfect husband....he had me so fooled. It wasn't until I caught him in a couple lies that he finally came clean about everything. He says he came clean so that we can move forward and be together and raise this baby. Do I believe him or just assume he's going to be better at lying this time around...


I think he lied to you. He probably was cheating on her to be with you.

He could be a serial cheater, sorry.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

wishfuldrinking, 

He also "told" you that he broke up with her, but he didn't.
He also "told" you that he would forsake all others for you, but he lied.
He also "told" you that he hated her, but he's leaving the wife he supposedly loves to be with her. 

Since he has clearly demonstrated that what he says can not be trusted or believed, why are you choosing to believe him when he "tells" you that he came clean so he can move forward with you?

I would say that he is what he is ... he's been very consistent actually. I would say that until there is some reason to believe there's been a HUGE change (such as many, MANY deep personal therapy sessions where he really looked at himself *-OR-* many, MANY *MONTHS* of seeing actions where he firmly and decisively turns her down and cuts her out of his life ON HIS OWN) that I believe he is still the same. And if he is still the same, then that means when he feels "dark" he'll turn to her for his fix of evil. 

Are you willing to be treated like that by your spouse and life partner? If so, then the issue is not him but rather YOU and why you see yourself as worth so little.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Would you like your child to grow in a home where his/her father disrespected his/her mother so blatantly and to witness his toxic behavior?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long did the two of you date?

How long have you been married?



wishfuldrinking said:


> ...I find out that he's still been hooking up with the ex periodically over the course of our entire relationship.


So he never really broke up with her. He's just had the two of you all along. Does she know that the two of you are married?



wishfuldrinking said:


> He says he hates her. He goes to her when he's angry and can't control his thoughts. He treats her like crap, ****s her, and comes home. Clear-headed and ready to be the perfect husband....he had me so fooled.


He treats her like crap? Do you realize that he's treating you like crap and has done so the entire time you have known him. Sit and think about that for a while.

He does not hate her. He just tells you that. Why would he be with someone he hates? He probably tells her all kinds of horrid stuff about you. He's stringing the two of you along.

If what you say here is true... he gets angry, cannot control his thoughts and goes to her and has sex with her... it sounds like he is deranged. Only deranged, mentally ill people cannot control their thoughts. What a line of nonsense he's feeding you. And you believe this nonsense? Really? He cannot control his thoughts? Really? Is he some kind of trance? Maybe she's a witch and she puts and evil spell on him that is only released when he finally has sex with her? Could that be? Or could he just be telling you this nonsense because you for some reason believe the nonsense he's telling you.

Do you know why he's seeing her and having sex with her? Because he likes it. He likes her. He likes sex with her. He likes you, too. He might even love you. He probably likes sex with you. But he likes having two women. It's a lot more fun for him that way.



wishfuldrinking said:


> It wasn't until I caught him in a couple lies that he finally came clean about everything. He says he came clean so that we can move forward and be together and raise this baby. Do I believe him or just assume he's going to be better at lying this time around...


So if you had not caught him, he would still be cheating.

And then now he tells you that he needs to talk to her? Is that what he's calling it now? Talk? I thought it was called sex... :scratchhead:

He will never break it off with her if he talks to her. Affairs are very hard to break. Why? Because it feels really good to have two lovers (her and you). It makes a person high as a kite. Why would he give that up?

You need to give him a list of things that have to happen. The first and foremost is that he has to end all contact with her. Once he writes the letter, you and he mail it to his affair partner. Email is ok but you have to be there when it's mailed.

Here is a sample no contact letter. It has to be short. It has to mention that he loves you. It cannot include any statements of regret, or anything related to his feelings about her. 

------------------------------------------
Dear Ms. Skank,

I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and soon to be born children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that my wife did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay my wife for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing and deserves. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship. 

Sincerely,

-----------------------------------------------

Until he's willing to go no contact, interact with him according to the 180 (see link below in my signature block). 

Only after he has ended all contact with her can you even consider any kind of marital recovery. 

Now it's not unusual for a cheater to send off the no contact letter but then take the affair underground. So you will need to be very cautious. 

If and when he writes and sends (with you) the no contact letter, then I suggest that you get the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters".

What really bothers me about your situation is that he has never been faithful to you. So your relationship is not good from the get-go. In order to fix your marriage, you and your husband now will need to build a new relationship from the ground up. The books I suggested are for this purpose.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

You can't make a marriage work all by yourself.

First get tested for stds, both of you.

He needs to go NC with her, and become transparent and totally honest with you.

He does not seem like marriage material.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

She's insane? Could be because of the man in her life....your husband.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Cheaters are liars. Don't believe for a minute he does not like her. He likes her enough to bump uglies.

Do not listen to his words. See his actions. Then say bye bye. She probably broke up with him because he cheated. With you. Let her have him back. 

Flush this mess out of your life. Find a decent guy. Don't settle.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

I wonder what he's been telling her about you?
I doubt your husband going to her place and telling her how much he hates her.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

TiggyBlue said:


> I wonder what he's been telling her about you?
> I doubt your husband going to her place and telling her how much he hates her.


He tells her how much he hates you. Seems to work both ways.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How long did the two of you date?
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> ...


:iagree: Read this OP, a couple times. EleGirl hit the nail on the head.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

wishfuldrinking said:


> I am recently married. My husband left his last girlfriend for me and she is still in the picture.  She's insane. She even broke into our house to assault me when we first got together. I thought she was gone from his life and the times she would pop up when we were out in public was just because she was crazy.
> 
> ****** Two things. If he was willing to cheat on her with you, then why wouldn't he be willing to cheat on you with someone else ? Cheaters are cheaters period. Also, have you considered a restraining order against her ?
> 
> ...


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> How long did the two of you date?
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

wishfuldrinking said:


> I'm scared that if I stay nothing will ever change. I'm scared that if I leave I'll never find happiness again.


You don't sound that happy to me.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

wishfuldrinking said:


> . He doesn't love her. He hates her.


:rofl:

Hon, you have only yourself to blame for still being in this relationship.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And leaving him won't be a broken home. It will be THE home that your child knows - with you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How does he communicate with her? Cell phone? Email? Is he willing to get into counseling (individual and marriage)? How does he find time to go have sex with her? Is he willing to move away?

Frankly, I think he won't change. He's weak and will cheat when the mood strikes him again. But if you want to try to work on things, you need to be strong and in control. Not weak and asking him to stay.

C


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

You say you are afraid you will never find happiness, but is this your idea of happiness? You dont want your child in a broken home but it is already broken when your H is cheating with a psycho that breaks into your home to assault you. Do you want to chance that with your child in the home?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

"My husband left his girlfriend for me" which means he was in a relationship and cheated on her with you. That behavior should have told you all you needed to know about his character.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That's a trainwreck.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

have you given any thoughts towards leaving him ?


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## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

Cheating is a disease, like gambling, drugs or alcohol. You rarely stop it, unless you make up your mind 100% to do so. He definitely hasn't and doesn't plan to. I was cheated on once by my ex and for me, the trust is broken forever. Marriage is hard enough without worrying about what they're doing, talking to, calling, meeting, are they really working late etc.,
The best thing for you and your child is to get out of that mess.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If you know where he keeps his box of affair condoms, then go get yourself a hypodermic needle and a jar of ghost chili pepper extract from the spice shop, and then inject only a very small amount into each of the unopened condoms.

That'll absolutely light the two of them up!

Seriously though, you need to see a lawyer and get out of that situation ~ he's far too weak for you, as well as himself! My intuition greatly tells me that he will always be a cheater!*


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

His behavior is fed by co-dependent women like his ex and you.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

A narcissist requires codependent personalities btw... In this case, as many as possible.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey wishful---what level of misery would you like----to spend the rest of your life in?????????

Stop with the BS, that he is the only man, and you are so in love with him------what kind of love allows itself to repeatedly be kicked again and again

Did you know, that for a fact----THERE ARE MILLIONS OF MEN, OUT THERE---MILLIONS OF THEM ---AND GUESS WHAT, THEY ARE NOT ALL TOTAL PIECES OF SH*T, LIKE THIS GARBAGE YOU ARE MARRIED TO

You are about to have a child with this LOWLIFE, and that is pretty sad------ you and you alone are going to have to care for and make safe haven for that child---for its obvious----YOU SURE AS HE*L DO NOT WANT YOUR POS H. IN YOUR CHILD's LIFE, ALONG WITH HIS EX

DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IN THE BEGINNING EITHER GET THE MGE ANNULLED, OR GET A D.---But no matter what get the He*l away from this POS LOSER, and STAY AWAY FROM HIM-----or-----once again I ask you----AT WHAT LEVEL OF MISERY DO YOU WISH TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN?????????????


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

You've already acknowledged that if a close female friend was experiencing the exact same scenario, that you would tell her to kick the POS to the curb. Now it is time for you to do the same.

Don't you and your child deserve to live in a happy and healthy environment?


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## wishfuldrinking (Dec 15, 2014)

Ya'll are right. I stayed with my husband since I wrote this thread and since then his ex has called me to inform me that she was with my husband...from his cell phone. I am leaving. Bags are packed. Boxes are taped up. Good bye POS H! Hello single motherhood! Unfortunately I live in the great state of Texas so I cannot legally get a divorce until my baby is born but you better believe that as soon as this baby is in my arms, divorce papers will be in his! Thanks for all the advice. Even the tough love advice was helpful


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

wishfuldrinking said:


> I am recently married.


Boom, nuff said. Divorce him, or annul if you still can.

There are better men out there. A cheating POS like your H doesn't deserve a good woman.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good thing about Texas is that it has more jobs than the rest of the country combined. Tons of junior colleges and programs you can use to get up in the world. Plenty of places to move to. You'll be fine.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

wishfuldrinking said:


> I am recently married. My husband left his last girlfriend for me and she is still in the picture.  She's insane. She even broke into our house to assault me when we first got together. I thought she was gone from his life and the times she would pop up when we were out in public was just because she was crazy. However, my husband just recently confessed that he's slept with her quite a few times over the last few months. He doesn't love her. He hates her. They had this horrible, toxic relationship. Abusive and volatile. But I think he is addicted to the pain and the drama of it. I have tried to be the best wife I can be. I cook, clean, have sex with him all the time, make him laugh, support him in every thing I can. But, I am feeling so low. He tells me he wants to be with me and he doesn't want to see her anymore or sleep with her anymore. He says it's just hard because he can be his darkest, most evil self with her. I told him he can be that with me. I will be anything he needs me to be and I think he is going to try to be better. But I really don't know. He told me today he wanted to talk to her because he was feeling numb inside. He didn't. He called me instead. But the fact that he still wanted to hurts. What's worse is that I'm pregnant. We planned it and everything. He told me he wanted to have a baby with me and we would be together forever...blah, blah, blah. But all the while he was cheating on me with her. Now he says he is going to stop. He is going to be better. But how can I trust him? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and I don't want to leave and raise my future child in a broken home. What do you do when you're pregnant and your husband is a cheater?


leave him yo....if not her it will be someone else. FYI.....having sex with someone you cannot stand is often a very addictive kind of sex. Especially if she hates you just as much. The couple kinda takes aggressive frustration out on each other and is just plain addicting and fun. Nothing like saying "shutup B!tch" after she says "f*ck me you a$$hole". To her he's the bad boy and to him she's the ho. No strings and no emotions.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Good luck without Mr Crazy in your life!:smthumbup:

By the way, you don't have to remain a single mother for always. I proposed to a girlfriend who had three children. She broke up with me to move a woman into her home. Ah, the joys of dating a bisexual woman!


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## 'CuseGal (Feb 5, 2015)

You made the right choice!

You said yourself that he spent time with her when he needed to "get his evil out." Do you want to be the one he gets his evil out with if he didn't have her anymore? He sounds pretty screwed up.

Your kid will be better off NEVER knowing his/her father than having this jerk in and out of your lives messing with your minds.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Bounce the bum!

You don't need this garbage in your life


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