# what does it mean?



## bertie (Apr 28, 2012)

Hi
Hoping people on here can help-my husband and I have been separated for 2 months and were in daily contact by phone/text/email etc and meeting up regularly. The contact has been up and down which hasn't been helped by the obvious strain-he started off confused of his feelings and now has said he just doesn't feel the same way anymore. He's also now told me that he wants to establish no contact for a few weeks as he said that he feels he's going through the motions and that constant contact is confusing him as to whether he just misses me as we've been together so long (7 years) or whether there is actually something still there. Can't work out if he's just using this time to ease me into having the big conversation/confirm his decision in his own mind or whether he is just genuinely confused and thinks this might help? what do you think?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is such typical behavior of a person having an affair that I have to ask you if you think he is having one. Have you looked into this? I assume that he moved out... where is he staying.

AT this point the best thing you could do is to act towards him according to the 180 (see the link below). He knows that you want to be with him so he can call all of the shots right now. He's living single but has you on a string as his fall back. You really need to let him know, via the 180 that his actions could very well make him lose you. He has not initiate a divorce yet because he likes where he has you. So by doing the 180 you will completely change the dynamics. And don't tell him this is what you are doing. just do it.

You also might want to look more into if he is having an affair or not.


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## bertie (Apr 28, 2012)

Hi-thanks for this-as far as i know he's not having an affair although whether he's met someone that he does feel something for even if nothing's actually happened so it's forced the issue i don't know. He's staying with family and wouldn't have time to actually see someone. I'll give the 180 a go though! We've had a rough 6 months with lots of stress and arguments where things were said that were never resolved and just festered and it went downhill in a spiral from there. He's now wondering whether it's even worth saving which is awful as with reflection so many of things that went wrong are fixable and wouldn't happen again now they've been identified but unfortunately there's no way to undo what has been done however much i wish that there was.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you do the 180, remember that you are doing it for yourself.. not to get a reaction out of him. IT's a way to protect yourself emotionally while he's going through whatever he's going through.


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## bertie (Apr 28, 2012)

I will-keeping positive (mostly) and getting out there to do things which is definitely helping me feel better! Did realise reading the list that I've been doing completely the wrong thing on a vast number of them and should have been less available as has led to extreme ups and downs. Hopefully by following this whatever the outcome at the end of the no contact time i'll be in a good place within myself.


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