# Comment on these signs please...



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

After my wife left,...which was due to her leaving because she "didn't want to be married anymore and other reasons...after 9 years mind you, she became a total sex addict almost overnight, involved in threesomes with strangers, having sex with strangers, rampant sex,sexting etc...she ran the gambit.

All this after sep, but I'm almost sure there was infidelity before this. The signs were there...texting non stop, no sex for months, no intimacy, avoiding me, etc. 
In hindsight, there were a few things she told me throughout the years, and some things I regarded on my own, that I'd like some feedback on...are these true signs of the person she was/is, or...? 

1. Kissing my attractive friends on the lips when she met them. I told her how this made me uncomfortable, and denied she did it even though I stood beside her every time it happened. 
2. She told me when she was 18, she slept with the guy whose house she was renting a room from when his wife left to go shopping.

3. At 14, she went to a basketball camp and went back to one of the coaches rooms and "fooled around" with him...he was in his 20's. 

4. Told me her ex husband of 12 years, who was abusive ( truly ), always claimed she was cheating on him at the end...I never ever heard his side of this story..only hers and her families, saying he's "crazy". 

5. About a month before she left me, she was constantly texting more and more. One night she said she was going to bed because she was tired. Half an hour later, I went into the bedroom...she was up...light on...texting. When I said I thought you were tired, she replied back angry and defensive.

6. After she left me, I found out she began fooling around with a teacher from her school that she always said was flirting with her while we were married...she actually went to his class during lunch and fooled around with him ( heard this through others )...and blew the janitor, who was married, in his office...same day! 

7. The night we met, she took me home...had sex...and asked me if I wanted her to drive me home.. I chose to stay...moved in 6 months later, and married her 5 months after that. She put me on her mortgage ONLY when she needed my income to combine with hers to help her refinance the mortgage... 

8. After breakup, she told me I should have stayed a "renter", and that marrying me was a mistake...told me all the flowers I sent to her school every valentines day was a waste, and I was just trying to look good in front of her work friends. 

...there are more, but was I naïve, or can someone post the weight of these signs and how relevant they were to the demise of my marriage...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Uhhh... I'd say that it's probably safe to assume that she cheated on you at least once a day for the entire duration of your relationship.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Omg, you have to ask? Your ex is seriously, mentally off her rocker.

If she left, you got lucky. Get yourself tested for STDs.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

why did you stick around for 9 years?

You married a slvt. Nothing good comes of that. Get up, brush yourself off and never do it again. You now know the type of woman to avoid.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

deg20 said:


> and blew the janitor, who was married, in his office...same day!


That is amazing and hard to believe... the janitor has an office?


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Of course a janitor has an office!

IT's that room with all the mop buckets that smells like chlorine!


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

It's the boiler room in the basement, with his desk there...so he calls it his office...yes...


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Oh Mercy

55


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

deg20 said:


> It's the boiler room in the basement, with his desk there...so he calls it his office...yes...


Well, I hope he found his stapler.


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## Rafi (Mar 25, 2015)

I'm not buying this story.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Is it for sale?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

deg20 said:


> After my wife left,...which was due to her leaving because she "didn't want to be married anymore and other reasons...after 9 years mind you, she became a total sex addict almost overnight, involved in threesomes with strangers, having sex with strangers, rampant sex,sexting etc...she ran the gambit.
> 
> All this after sep, but I'm almost sure there was infidelity before this. The signs were there...texting non stop, no sex for months, no intimacy, avoiding me, etc.
> In hindsight, there were a few things she told me throughout the years, and some things I regarded on my own, that I'd like some feedback on...are these true signs of the person she was/is, or...?
> ...



Is she a sex addict?


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

sandie said:


> of course a janitor has an office!
> 
> It's that room with all the mop buckets that smells like chlorine!


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Probably custodian not janitor.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Deg20 my man, now you know why you've been getting Christmas and Birthday cards from this girls ex-husband all these years.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Deg20 my man, now you know why you've been getting Christmas and Birthday cards from this girls ex-husband all these years.
*

No, that didn't happen...???

*Is she a sex addict?*


I don't think she was, but after separation, she sure seemed to turn into one...she has all the signs and fits the bill perfectly...whether it was going on while married?...there were no signs, but it's possible...but yes, i think she became one. Now it seems she's in a relationship, but for how long/...and she's financially in a bind, so this could be for money...I don't know, and I don't care...


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Good luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No children, I hope?


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

Three kids...all hers...16, 19, 20 now...


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

deg20 said:


> After my wife left,...which was due to her leaving because she "didn't want to be married anymore and other reasons...after 9 years mind you, she became a total sex addict almost overnight, involved in threesomes with strangers, having sex with strangers, rampant sex,sexting etc...she ran the gambit.
> 
> All this after sep, but I'm almost sure there was infidelity before this. The signs were there...texting non stop, no sex for months, no intimacy, avoiding me, etc.
> In hindsight, there were a few things she told me throughout the years, and some things I regarded on my own, that I'd like some feedback on...are these true signs of the person she was/is, or...?
> ...


This indicates an extreme lack of boundaries and even less concern for you and your feelings.



deg20 said:


> 2. She told me when she was 18, she slept with the guy whose house she was renting a room from when his wife left to go shopping.


This is indicative of very loose moral fiber.



deg20 said:


> 3. At 14, she went to a basketball camp and went back to one of the coaches rooms and "fooled around" with him...he was in his 20's.


And this is a sign that her behavior started at a young age and is deeply ingrained in her character. This possibly stems from insecurity issues from a troubled childhood.



deg20 said:


> 4. Told me her ex husband of 12 years, who was abusive ( truly ), always claimed she was cheating on him at the end...I never ever heard his side of this story..only hers and her families, saying he's "crazy".


I would venture to say that this is to placate you and to try and waylay your concerns over questionable behavior. 



deg20 said:


> 5. About a month before she left me, she was constantly texting more and more. One night she said she was going to bed because she was tired. Half an hour later, I went into the bedroom...she was up...light on...texting. When I said I thought you were tired, she replied back angry and defensive.


This is the same as kissing your friends in front of you and as that was not balked at, she felt free to pursue men in your presence and was probably angry and upset that you questioned it.



deg20 said:


> 6. After she left me, I found out she began fooling around with a teacher from her school that she always said was flirting with her while we were married...she actually went to his class during lunch and fooled around with him ( heard this through others )...and blew the janitor, who was married, in his office...same day!


This exemplifies the behavior of someone so unsure of themselves and desirous of attention that they are literally driven by that desperate desire over all else.



deg20 said:


> 7. The night we met, she took me home...had sex...and asked me if I wanted her to drive me home.. I chose to stay...moved in 6 months later, and married her 5 months after that. She put me on her mortgage ONLY when she needed my income to combine with hers to help her refinance the mortgage...


This should have been all of the warning that you should have ever needed. She took home a stranger, had sex with you, felt no attachment beyond the act and you saw this as a good thing? As marriage material? I think the mortgage issue was just a financial arrangement, a means to an end.



deg20 said:


> 8. After breakup, she told me I should have stayed a "renter", and that marrying me was a mistake...told me all the flowers I sent to her school every valentines day was a waste, and I was just trying to look good in front of her work friends.


I think this was her justifying her actions to herself, again with no regard for your feelings.



deg20 said:


> ...there are more, but was I naïve, or can someone post the weight of these signs and how relevant they were to the demise of my marriage...


All of these signs point to a deeply troubled individual with multiple issues ranging well back into adolescence. Had you looked at this from a more objective perspective you should have been easily able to recognize this. There was ample evidence as to her character, her moral fiber, her integrity and her chastity. I would say naive would be an understatement.

Life is a journey of education, please take this lesson with you into your next relationship and be a little more critical of your future candidate for a wife. Good fortune to you.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

deg, my comment is that if, after all the signs you describe, your wife LEFT YOU, then you're one sad person.

You need lots of professional help.

The signs you list all indicate that your wife was not working towards a better marriage with you. They were all relevant in the sense that symptoms can reveal a disease. Your wife was cheating on you, really a lot.

And you embraced it. SHE left YOU. YOUR needs were being met.

I think you ought to be working on getting better needs.


So. You let all this stuff slide for years until your wife dumped you, and now..... what?

You're looking for validation? Confirmation of your suspicions?

deg, your wife treated you badly. You are 100% correct that she was having sex with other people during your marriage.

Time to start getting better as a human being.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

NotLikeYou said:


> deg, my comment is that if, after all the signs you describe, your wife LEFT YOU, then you're one sad person.
> 
> You need lots of professional help.
> 
> ...


I agree NOtLikeYou...

Sometimes it takes blunt statements like yours to actually see through the fog and realize it was a bad nine years...i was living through the one or two "good times" and stuffing the bad ones. I was lost in the world of marriage...having a wife, a home, a family, and maybe subconsciously I just disregarded these points and thought things would improve. She'd obscure these and other things with a few compliments and ego-building statements, that I see now as empty and meaningless...I guess if I was stronger and in a better place confidently, I would have left like the guy before me, who moved in with her and left after a year...

Again, quite revealing and helpful...thanks!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

deg20 said:


> I agree NOtLikeYou...
> 
> Sometimes it takes blunt statements like yours to actually see through the fog and realize it was a bad nine years...i was living through the one or two "good times" and stuffing the bad ones. I was lost in the world of marriage...having a wife, a home, a family, and maybe subconsciously I just disregarded these points and thought things would improve. She'd obscure these and other things with a few compliments and ego-building statements, that I see now as empty and meaningless...I guess if I was stronger and in a better place confidently, I would have left like the guy before me, who moved in with her and left after a year...
> 
> Again, quite revealing and helpful...thanks!


I had the same ex wife, though she didn't start this behaviour until 8-ish years in (nor was she as bad).

When you build something up, especially in the early years, it's difficult to see small changes here and there, and it's often not as apparent until it's all said and done. One tends to live in the past without even realizing they're doing so.

The last two years of my marriage are now super obvious to me, and I kicked myself for being so blind. It happens. It's only natural that we give the ones we love the benefit of the doubt.

Don't feel stupid. Some of us romanticize things a little too much and are optimists by nature.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Nah, you're probably just paranoid.

<eyeroll>
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

How is that helpful?


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