# Please help



## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

I recently got married ( in July). My husband loves me and everything was good. However, last weekend he went to a bachelor's party for one of his freinds. It was an overnight deal since they had driven to another state. When he came back, he was very excited to see mee and said that he missed me very much. He was very gentle and I saw that he is being honest. I should mention that I am 8 weeks pregnant right now and maybe my hormones are just driving me nuts... Anyway, he had told me that they went to a striptease to have dinner! He said that he didn't like it all, however they threw money at dancing girls. I am a young, good loooking woman and still have a good body, didn't gain any weight due to pregnancy yet... Why did he go?.... He says only because everybody did. I am a very jelous person and can't get over the though that this is cheating. I feel empty inside because I love him so much. I am at that point, where I want to leave him....
He swears that he will never go out without me ever again and that he doesn't want to live without me. I still feel very angry and want to call that guy who is getting married and tell him that he is just a piece of s**t! I decided not to go to that wedding.

Please, tell me your thoughts, I apprciaiet any input...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Going to see strippers is a pretty common thing for stag parties. Unless he knew your opinions on them, you overreacted. And he's making promises he can't keep to make you feel better, which wi further blow up your trust when he breaks them. 

Just my $0.02. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I understand how hurt you are I totally do, been there. However if I have learned anything in my 10 years of marriage is that you need to pick your battles and not overreact. Yes you need to set boundaries it's healthy to do so, but being controlling and overreacting will only push him away and make him lie to you to avoid any problems. You really don't want to be that wife trust me. He seems to be very understanding of your feelings. If you stick around this site you will see that (although you are hurt and I do understand you) some people have done far worse to their spouses then going to a bachlor party with strippers. 

Trust him and don't overract to the small things, I can tell he does trust you and told you what happened. This is a great husband already. Please don't call his friend he is not your spouse or child, it will reflect bad on you. Go to the wedding dress up and have fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

so he went to a stag party? (wife is reading this also and also said whats the big deal?) i had 3 strippers at my batchlor party and my wife knows and DOESNT care because she trusts me (nothing happened except the time i got whipped with the belt) i gave her a play by play she laughed


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Did he know your feelings about bachelor parties before he went? Did you tell him no strippers? Its not your place to call the groom to be and tell him anything. He owes you nothing. This is between you and your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

If your husband goes to three or four bachelor parties in his life and each time he ends up at a strip bar I don't see the harm provided nothing else happens. I do think you should require that he come home, tell you how crazy he is about you and make love all night. This is a small thing....let it go.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

That's what happens at bachelor parties. Doesn't mean anything more than he was invited and he went. To do otherwise would have made him look (and feel) like a whipped wus. He got to haul out his hidden testosterone for a couple hours. Nobody died, nobody had sex, nobody's marriage is in trouble, the sky isn't falling. You're gorgeous, he adores you, life is great. You just married a normal guy. I wouldn't pick him to carry Top Secret messages for the CIA.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Dinner at a strip club? They serve food at strip clubs? 

I wouldn't freak out about it since you never talked about whether strip clubs are off-limits in your marriage. Now he knows they are. It's ok to move on.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Have you ever been to a stip club? Unless it's a touristy type upscale strip club they are pretty seedy and the strippers leave a great deal to be desired... Pun intended! They may be nice to look at, they may even be sexy as hell, but a happily married guy isn't thinking, "gee I wish my wife was this hot, gee I wish I hadn't married my wife and waited for Star Cummings instead." A man, and for that matter a woman too, can look at the sexy body and appreciate it for what it is, without wishing to replace the spouse. Pregnancy aside, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness when a stip club appearance makes you rethink your marriage! He came home and gave you some good loving and told you all about it and yet you are pulling away! Get a grip on yourself! 

Tell your H you need some reassurance that he still finds you hot and sexy and the only woman for him. I know the men of TAM do this, because they say they do... but if more men did this on the regular there might be less jealous silliness going around.


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## lillie.katie (Mar 19, 2013)

I was married for over 10 years and when we were first married I was a jealous brat. I found out that he had gone to strip clubs in his PAST and it upset me. I was 18 when we got married and I am 30 now and looking back it was NOTHING. Don't stress yourself or be mad at him. It sucks, but he wasnt there by himself looking to replace you. Guys are guys, sad but true. He loves you, you are having his baby and he is sorry. Hug him and tell him you love him, he says he isn't going to go there again so I would leave it at that.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Wouldn't trade my wife for a whole bus load of strippers...not forever and not for a night. Your husband probably feels the same.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Take a deep breath and move on. He is normal and you need some self esteem. He is married not dead.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Total overreaction.


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advices. I was able to move on  We had a very good time yesterday and he promised that this will never happen again 

Thank you again for taking time and sharing your thoughts. Now I understand that I probably overreacted a little. The good thing is he will think twice next time before going to a strip club again!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Have you changed your mind about going to the wedding?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

No, Can't go. I can't stand that fried of his... I know, it would be smarter to go, but I simply can't. My husband said that he will not go either...


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

No, I am not going. i can't stand that guy. He doesn't give a s***t about his future wife and I do not like him. Especially now. My husband understands and says he is not going either...


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Amis

See it from another perspective. Have you ever been to a Hen night where one of the girls organized a stripper for the bride to be?

I have. I didn't arrange the stripper but went along to the party (all ten girls dressed as bunny rabbits, all a bit silly but a giggle nonetheless). Personally I found it all a bit daft and almost embarrassing when the stripper came out (whipped cream 'n all). It's harmless fun and not to be taken seriously.

Good to hear you've got past this, in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing to worry about : )


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Obviously, I know nothing of the groom and any other history but it might be a shame not to go to the wedding. Maybe consider it again after more time has passed?


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

Thank you gyus, I am starting to think that I should probably go to that wedding... My husband says that we should go for the bride since she hasn't done anything bad to me


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

And since the bride/groom have already paid for it....

In my opinion..you need to back off a little...he can't go anymore? Or he just won't tell you because you freaked out on him? Tread lightly here...trust me 

Strip clubs are normal for most bachelor parties...lighten up.....he married YOU, not a skanky stripper....


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

What did the groom do to you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lillie.katie (Mar 19, 2013)

Wow...it was a strip club..not a brothel. It is not like they put a gun to your husbands head and made him go, he knew it wasn't a big deal..you are overreacting. I really hope for your sake it is the pregnancty hormones..otherwise I feel bad for your husband.



amis said:


> No, I am not going. i can't stand that guy. He doesn't give a s***t about his future wife and I do not like him. Especially now. My husband understands and says he is not going either...


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't see the big deal. I'm glad that you are coming around. I went to one with my h last year and it was gross. The strippers weren't that attractive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

richie33 said:


> What did the groom do to you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I just do not like him. He is a shady person and I knwo he did it on purpose since he knew how I would react. His bride allows him to do whatever he wants and he assumes all women should be like her.


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

lillie.katie said:


> Wow...it was a strip club..not a brothel. It is not like they put a gun to your husbands head and made him go, he knew it wasn't a big deal..you are overreacting. I really hope for your sake it is the pregnancty hormones..otherwise I feel bad for your husband.


Maybe I overracted a little, but believe me if you knew that guy you would probably understand. And I did decide to go to that wedding, so do not feel bad for my husband...


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

amis said:


> Well I just do not like him. He is a shady person and I knwo he did it on purpose since he knew how I would react. His bride allows him to do whatever he wants and he assumes all women should be like her.


But if his future wife is OK with it its not his problem. Your husband is the one who should have said no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

richie33 said:


> But if his future wife is OK with it its not his problem. Your husband is the one who should have said no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Next time he will  I guess I didn't really clarify my position on strip clubs. Now he knows and we are moving forward


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## reubsky (Mar 21, 2013)

he is fully wrong .. this is considered cheating


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Bachelor party= good chance of strippers.
I'm fine with hubby going to the strip club for a bachelor party but NOT ok with him going at someone's house. Skank central and 95% chance they are offering "services". No, I don't think he would take it, but NO reason to be there if this is the point of it all.

But its probably those preggo hormones that drove you to flip, I've been there. Especially those feelings of wanting to maim his friends, LOL. 

If you didn't lay out those boundaries before then you lay them out now and if it happens again, then you can go nuts 
Congrats on the pregnancy and good luck!


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## reubsky (Mar 21, 2013)

richie33 said:


> But if his future wife is OK with it its not his problem. Your husband is the one who should have said no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes agree


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

amis said:


> Next time he will  I guess I didn't really clarify my position on strip clubs. Now he knows and we are moving forward


His "mistake" was not telling you beforehand, which I suspect was no accident. 

You cannot make a list that includes every possible thing that he could do that you would protest to. The rule has to be that if there is ANY doubt he needs to be telling you FIRST.

Because otherwise it's 

"I didn't know you don't want me sexting other girls"
"I didn't know I couldn't have lunches with my secretary"
"I didn't know I couldn't have a secret stash of porn"

Etc.


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

You cannot make a list that includes every possible thing that he could do that you would protest to. The rule has to be that if there is ANY doubt he needs to be telling you FIRST.

I completely agree with you. I decided if something like this happens again, I will not accept the same excuse "I didn't know this was not allowed". Thank you!!!!:iagree:


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## amis (Mar 18, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> Bachelor party= good chance of strippers.
> I'm fine with hubby going to the strip club for a bachelor party but NOT ok with him going at someone's house. Skank central and 95% chance they are offering "services". No, I don't think he would take it, but NO reason to be there if this is the point of it all.
> 
> But its probably those preggo hormones that drove you to flip, I've been there. Especially those feelings of wanting to maim his friends, LOL.
> ...


Thank you so much for understanding. I agree that my hormones are driving me nuts sometimes  However, I still think that there was a slod ground for me to beng mad a little, I just overreacted a bit...


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Your reaction was appropriate because he didn't tell you that a strip club was in the overnight plan. And, his reaction of never going again was also appropriate. There are many men, who are not "wusses", who choose for their wives to be the only living, breathing, nude women in their lives.


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