# My husband wants 90 second sex



## dixie (Jul 7, 2009)

Hi,
I've been married five years now. When we first got married we had great sex. Normal sex that lasted maybe 10-15 minutes, both of us satisfied. In fact I remember thinking that he had some skills.
I am not sure how it happened but it has been three years since I have had an orgasm. He pulls his pants off, awkwardly pulls off my undies and says something like: "put it in". He pumps a few times and that's it.(Also, he may squeeze my breast like a dog toy hurting it a little). It lasts, (I time it i am so bored) 60-90 seconds. How can this be satisfying for him?
We have had serious talks, all the required ones where i tell him that I need more time, some hand action maybe, etc. We have been to counseling, you name it. All this, over the years has led me to be very disinterested in sex. It is just kind of a chore and yucky for me. I tell him that if he wants me to be more interested in it, or have ANY interest at all, then he can make me feel good, so I will want to have it again. The message doesn't seem to sink in, or, he doesn't care and these 90n second deals are okay for him.
I went on some antidepressants a few years ago, they don't help much but maybe they do a little. he blames them for my lack of sexual response. It may be true that it may be harder to have a response, but now he blames me for not cuming in the 90 allotted seconds.
How can I look forward to a lifetime of this?
Anyway, I have to admit, all this I have described has made me loose interest in him. I really am not attracted to him. It is just not sexy to me. 
Any advise or anyone have a similar experience?
Thanks,
Dix


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

dixie...
silly, think about this: if you could get that tingly feeling in 60 seconds, wouldn't you do it?

point here is that he has found a way to get his in 60 seconds. if he HAD skills, he HAS skills.

tell him point blank that you need him to please you. most dudes dig that kinda power! he'll be an animal.

ever heard the phrase "three pump chump"??? he doesn't want to be that.


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## Gizzy (Jun 9, 2009)

How ironic. I was just posting something very similar on a different thread. I too have lost interest in sex. I've timed it as well. 3 minutes from start to finish. Very frustrating. 
I am a very heavy sleeper, and I have woken up to him shoving it into me. I've also woken up to him trying to shove it into my mouth. Next time I might accidently bite down. There is very little to no foreplay/after play to help you along the way. He has even suggested that we bring another woman into our bed. I so want to scream "You can't even please one woman, how the h*ll you going to please two??" Almost every time we do have sex, he brings this fantasy up. Grrr


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Well it sounds to me like they are just looking for a f**k. Sorry to be so harsh...but where's the love in that? 

Can you have some control over the situation and before he pumps that last time pull him out....make him want you more by doing that? He pumps once, then move. He will be back for more right? Maybe if he sees it like a game he will want to play longer. ? Worth a shot...

Good luck and in the mean time find some way to please yourself since he doesn't care to. You shouldn't have to go w/o!


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## XiaSulin (Jul 5, 2009)

1.) I didn't know you could have sex that fast.
2.) Tell him you don't want to have sex with him anymore. See how he takes that. 
3.) Do you two still love each other?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

voivod said:


> dixie...
> ever heard the phrase "three pump chump"??? he doesn't want to be that.


:lol::rofl::rofl::rofl: God, I have tears running down my face, as I first thought it said: "Three pump CHIMP!!!":rofl::rofl::rofl:

I thought WTF is V talking about!!:rofl::rofl: OMG :rofl:


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Gizzy said:


> I am a very heavy sleeper, and I have woken up to him shoving it into me. I've also woken up to him trying to shove it into my mouth.


OMG are you sleeping with MY DH???


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Well I'd begin with 90 second MEALS, 90 second housekeeping, 90 second laundry....

I had this lover once who would go on for an hour if I let him....he said he trained himself by getting to the edge and stopping, not finishing, waiting a day or more, repeating same thing. Then only finish once every week or two....must have worked because by the time we'd finish I'd be so happy to be done I felt like throwing a party! It was just TOO long! LOL Gotta have a happy medium...


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## dixie (Jul 7, 2009)

I have thought about telling him I don't want to have sex with him anymore and frequently try ways to avoid it but always give in, after all it is usually less than a minute of my time.
I am in a situation now, I hate to admit it, that I NEED to stay married to him. I do love him, but much of the fairy dust has worn off due to his selfishness in this and other areas. (By need I mean that I am unemployed and in school again-he is paying mortgage this time.) So I don't want him to leave me so I give in to sex. I have tried to "re-train" him-stopping him, asking him to "help"me along-he does for 20-30 seconds and says something like:' God, why is this taking so long?" After his attempts I am not even beginning to get aroused, not even a little, so I just wait for him to finish. Leaves me feeling sad, disappointed, alienated.
thanks for the posts,
Dix


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

dixie said:


> he does for 20-30 seconds and says something like:' God, why is this taking so long?"
> Dix


He is a selfish jerk.  
I feel for you. 
Stay until you get the degree and happily move on.
Good luck.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Dixie I am so sorry...he is a jerk! You said you haven't had an orgasm in 3 years....you need to do something to make yourself happy. Screw him. He just wants to get his kicks and then he is done...if you can't get yours in his timeframe then he doesn't care. Find a way to make you happy for now until you can be with a real man. 

Hang in there!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Well I'd begin with 90 second MEALS, 90 second housekeeping, 90 second laundry....
> 
> I had this lover once who would go on for an hour if I let him....he said he trained himself by getting to the edge and stopping, not finishing, waiting a day or more, repeating same thing. Then only finish once every week or two....must have worked because by the time we'd finish I'd be so happy to be done I felt like throwing a party! It was just TOO long! LOL Gotta have a happy medium...


Doh! :rofl: Was he practicing MT's semen retention methods...man if MT were here he'd be so proud. I think you described it to a T...sounds very similar to MT's posts.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

voivod said:


> dixie...
> silly, think about this: if you could get that tingly feeling in 60 seconds, wouldn't you do it?


NO! The whole point of sex is the journey not the destination. Anyone who is in that much of a hurry is not interested in sex, or the other person, or probably any of life's deeper pleasures.

All the research I have done (and I've done a lot), shows that most men who ejaculate very quickly are mentally in a hurry. There is all sorts of nonsense talked about PE, but basically all but the toughest cases can be helped by slowing down the mind, and changing the goal. Men often think that ejaculation is the goal of sex - and these days women are little better. A lot of women are obsessed with wanting to be able to cum quickly. Some of them want to cum quickly in order to keep up with their hair-trigger husbands. Most of them however want to cum quickly becuase they feel inadequate if they can't - especially with all these glossy magazines telling them that they should be cumming every 3 minutes.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Rhea said:


> Doh! :rofl: Was he practicing MT's semen retention methods...man if MT were here he'd be so proud. I think you described it to a T...sounds very similar to MT's posts.


The way it works in our house is that one of us says when we've had enough, and then it ends shortly after that. There is a point where, after maximum sweetness has been reached and sustained for a while, going on longer does not add anything. 20-40 minutes is normal for us.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Get your degree and dump him. He sounds like a selfish bastard. You've clearly communicated what you need and done all the right things to improve on this situation (counseling, communication, guiding during sex).


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> The way it works in our house is that one of us says when we've had enough, and then it ends shortly after that. There is a point where, after maximum sweetness has been reached and sustained for a while, going on longer does not add anything. 20-40 minutes is normal for us.


I agree long enough for the both to be satisfied is long enough for me. Sometimes it's 10 minutes, sometimes it's 60. But hours apon hours...well no it really doesn't accomplish much.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Rhea said:


> I agree long enough for the both to be satisfied is long enough for me. Sometimes it's 10 minutes, sometimes it's 60. But hours apon hours...well no it really doesn't accomplish much.


Every now and then, a long lazy session with coffee breaks in between is good, (as long as the coffee is freshly ground and of unbelievably high quality)


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

sounds like hes got into bad habbits .Id introduce some games take turns etc have fun before " he pumps " you ..
how long has it been just 90 secs ? Might be worth looking into semen retention via Mark certainly improved things for us ..good luck


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

we (male and female) would be fine with a hair-trigger "yes button" but orgasm isn't all sex is about. maybe he needs to hear that.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Well I'd begin with 90 second MEALS, 90 second housekeeping, 90 second laundry....
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## dixie (Jul 7, 2009)

I like that idea Preso. 90 second dinner.
Really though I get the feeling he just doesn't give a s**t, no matter what I try, say or do.
It has been about three years. I used to give him bjs all the time but now I feel so resentful I can't justify giving him anything like that. He would sometimes try, (or says he will try) to give me oral sex but it is so disgusting how he does it that I can't let him do it. (He kind of spits on me, little tongue action, mostly spit-can't really figure out what he is really doing down there but it is really gross and kind of hurts).Believe me I've tried to train him, but after 10-20 seconds he gets mad that "it's not working" and gives up.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Maybe he has some mental issues he is transferring to sex? Was he ever abused? This really isn't my area but it just sounds like he has some serious issues going on (other than the obvious).

Tell him you have developed a rash from his pumping and it might be contagious. Get out some blush and make it look like you got something going on...maybe that will make him stop and think. haha....if nothing else it will give you a break until the "rash" clears up.


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## littlelady (Jul 16, 2009)

well here i was thinking i was the only one that was going through this i have been married for nearly 20 years im in my mid 40's and still feel young enough to enjoy life "sex" my husband is a few years younger yet you would think he was 20 years older, he lasts a little longer than 90 seconds but not by much and sometimes doesnt even have enough energy to even move off his back so i know how you feel and i am lucky to have sex once a month i wont call it making love because it isn't i have no idea what to do the thought of an affair has entred my mind i dont think i could but the thought of making "love" sounds so nice so you arenot alone not that that is much help to you could always tell him if he isn't going to make you happy in bed you will get yourself someone who will. I don't know maybe if we put our heads together we might come up with something, good luck anyway


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## goatz (Jul 21, 2009)

If your only doing it 2-3 a month than he is not self servicing gets excited and unloads too quick. You most likely had more sex when you guys were younger. Try giving it to him more often and see how long he lasts.


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