# Next hurdle for me



## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

I beleive them when some people say that getting over a divorce is one of the toughest things to do. This is damn hard.

After almost 19 years of marriage and only being 42 I'm having to learn a whole new way of life. I've been on my own for sixteen months and thinking I was doing ok until I woke up to another problem that has been there that I was ignoring.

MONEY!! Wow how could I be so stupid with my finances and get into such a hole. For whatever reason for the last 16 months I have been gushing cash like a severed artery. I had none to begin with. Now I have even less. LOL Ugh Boo. (not sure to laugh or cry)

I'm going to work through this one as well. I thought the tough part was trying to mend a broken heart or learn how to live without a partner but maybe I was wrong. At least this problem has a defined end to it because it is about numbers and not feelings. Hopefully I can keep the two seperate.

I think back now and wonder what the heck was I doing or thinking about when I decided that I would go sit on a bar stool for dinner instead of going to the store to buy groceries. Or looking at that monthly credit card statement when it came in. I guess I wasn't thinking clearly. Can only be mad at myself on this one.

Not sure if anyone else had a delayed realization that they were butt a$$ broke after the divorce.

Take care.

Shoeguy


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

not broke but i have certainly been spending way more than i should be right now with me being underwater every month since the ex has still yet to give me a dime since he left me ( he is still unemployed) I think i keep spending on things to try to improve on myself, yoga, new, makeup, clothes... all the things i denied myself during our marriage when i put his wants first ( video games, new phones...). I am usually very in control of my spending and money but i guess i feel free for the first time in years and want to treat myself. Hopefully i will stop soon-


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I'm thinking I'm heading into broke territory. I thought I was doing ok until a couple of emergent situations took my already small savings. I'm trying to sell a house and have to pour money into it to get rid of it (crazy market). At least I get to sell it and don't have to foreclose, which I was afraid I might have to do. The ex has offered to help out, and I may have to swallow the pride and go ahead and accept it.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Take the help! It's hard for anyone to live on one income nowadays unless that income is 60k or more and even then you have to have a moderate rent and practically no car payment! I would start keeping a log of where you are spending and take credit cards out of your wallet so they are not readily available. But from what I have read this is very common after divorce, but so is bankruptcy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

scorned, I'd take the help as well. i don't know your story but they probably helped get you into your situation.

The more I dig for information about the subject of finances I am finding it is not uncommon for people to be in trouble after a divorce. So I guess I'm not alone.

Just another reason why divorce is so tough to get through in my opinion.

I'm going by the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Dang when I make it through all this I should be as tough as nails. lol


Take care

Shoeguy


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I would also recommend taking the help. My best friend is also going through a divorce, we are going to move in together in July, he has two kids (same as me). As I will be broke, it will be nice to have someone to help split the rent, etc. Plus he's been my best friend for 15 years, we are both going through the same thing, kids the same age. I think it will be a nice support system for us both.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey, 
Im about to turn 41, and have had to get help with a few major car repairs lately. Its just how things have allllllll come together to result in at this moment.
I think I should be able to handle most of this myself, but a lot of it has to do with people I work for being cheap and outdated in terms of managing a company, but the unemployment rate is so high, plus, Im not really liking what I do anymore.. so I dont know.
Debt is a real mthrfkr, so thats my #1 goal priority is to snowball that sh!t out of existance. Or at least the credit cards.
Over the years they've all increased their APR's to over 24%, so anymore its like paying an extra quarter for every dollar you spend. 

Having a rough day today about this very topic. Thinking about divorcing my shiiiitttyyyy job, and let them go take advantage of someone else.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Update, I just submitted the application today to CCCS. Not sure how many people have heard of CCCS but my research turned them up as one of the best to go with. They are not for profit and have a good reputation in my town.

Now I wait until they review my figures and email me back. It is going to be a long hard road but at elast I've tried to begin digging out.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Ive heard of CCCS. I know they offer counseling and work with creditors to facilitate getting rid of that debt. Good for you, man!
I am interested in knowing how it goes, so keep us posted!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Another of my post-divorce life mottos:

"Divorce is NOT a good financial investment."

Along with:

"Life's good, but not always fair."

And of course:

"Don't trust women!!!!"

Just kidding on that last one...mostly...


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

I'll keep you posted Shoo. Maybe putting it out there will motivate me more. They took a look at my application and contacted me to see how they can help.

I'll start this road and see where it takes me. Kind of nervous to be honest. I take it almost as a failure of sorts. I guess no bigger than the failed marriage. Still po'd at myself for not opening my eyes to this issue the day I moved out. I must have been blinded by the truck that ran over me. LOL

Just something about the credit score and how other perceive me makes a difference to me. I guess that is another area where I can improve. Maybe if I start to put into perspective all the things I do for others and give myself some slack I would feel better.

Well one day at a time. Thanks for lending your ear.

Shoeguy


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Shoeguy said:


> I'll keep you posted Shoo. Maybe putting it out there will motivate me more. They took a look at my application and contacted me to see how they can help.
> 
> I'll start this road and see where it takes me. Kind of nervous to be honest. I take it almost as a failure of sorts. I guess no bigger than the failed marriage. Still po'd at myself for not opening my eyes to this issue the day I moved out. I must have been blinded by the truck that ran over me. LOL
> 
> ...


Don't be so hard on yourself. Divorce just makes a mess out of pretty much everything.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Thanks Nice I'll try. Call it a character flaw. Lol

Divorce does make a mess out of basically everything.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

honestly, credit scores are bullsh!t.. I've written in numerous times to get erroneous addresses off my report, fought tooth and nail with faulty accounts in no way associated with me,, the whole thing is a poorly run, horribly mismanaged and corrupt facade that can nosedives at the slightest discrepancy. You know, credit issuers used to think their 0% aprs were good (snakelike) business and maybe so, with the idea behind it, but then raising aprs to usuarious rates, and literally trapping people in revolving payments, has started to work against the issuers. People can't afford to use the cards. They're tired of living paycheck to paycheck if even that, and I think there has been a huge shift in collective attitude towards carrying debt. Toxic debt. People can't afford it, thus pumping less money into the economy....oh the glory of greed. I used to think going BK was shirking ones obligations,, but now all I see is the deck stacked against any hope of payoff for people already struggling, whove run into emergencies,,, I'm much more sympathetic these days.. Sorry for rant, lol


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Maybe because of my childhood/upbringing, but all I needed to eat growing up was some rice+protein. Can't even begin to say how much that changed when i met her. Now that we aren't living together, its like i found a couple extra hundred dollars in my pocket each week! You can do it too!


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## babyowlsrcute (May 12, 2012)

I'm not getting all I need post my divorce and I've had to beg, borrow, and do things I'm not proud oof to make ends meet. If you have loving resources out there to help you, take them, these are people who want to help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

I hear you baby (lol) about asking for help. I'm going to try and solo this one right now. My parents got wiped out with the downturn and having troubles themselves.

I have a meeting scheduled on Monday with CCCS. Maybe they can help but I have been doing research and I'm probably headed for Debt settlement. i'll find out positively on Monday but I beleive CCCs is only a debt management service. I'm trying to avoid BK at all costs. While doing my research and hearing what others have to say about a credit score I have started to care less and less about my number some computer generated and assigned to me.

Hopefully through my journey out of debt I can be open and honest not only with myself but with my family and kids. Hopefully by being open with my kids I can turn this into a learning opportunity for them on financial responability.

We will see.


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Hang in there Shoeguy. Its a lesson to be learned, and one that some people like us learn the hard way. I, similar to you, lived beyond my means spending money I thought I had during and after the divorce. At the time, I thought I was doing myself a favor mentally by going out instead of staying in, despite living check to check. A couple of unexpected expenses popped up and a whole new wave of depression overcame me. 

It forced me to completely give up smoking, spending $80 at the bar one night per weekend, going out to eat 3 to 4 nights a week, etc. For me, I found it was not only important to give up these things but at the same time focus on replacing them with things that I can be happy with. I figured if I only gave up things for the sake of saving money instead of replacing them with things that were better for me, I'd go right back to spending money as soon as I got ahead a little.

I'm still in the process, sometimes I'll be at a friend's just hanging out and get the feeling that I'd rather be out at a bar, other times I'm completely happy just hanging out and watching sports. Sometimes I get tired of packing a bag lunch everyday, other times I'm happy eating healthy and saving money. 

I'm hoping to add a roommate in the next couple of months because I could use the extra income to start paying off CC's and it would be nice to have company in the house. I'm trying to avoid using craigslist to find a roommate but I might have to.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Update,

Well met with CCCS last night and got the grizzly news I was expecting. I'm $300 short each month and that is on a bare bones budget that is basically PBJ three squares a day and doesn't include any money for the "Hey dad, my friends and I are going to the mall, can I have a couple bucks?" or Can I play basketball this year at school it costs $50.

So I think Debt management is out. Now to check into debt settlement. I'm also asking my HR department to convert a 401K loan into a hardship withdrawal. That would help out after I take the hit for the penalty and taxes.

At this point everything is on the table. Trying to figure out if a second job would be best as well. I can't jeoperdize my first job so finding hours might be difficult but to be honest I haven't scoped out that road yet. 

It is kind of hard but I take a little pride in trying to find a solution. I've done so much damage ignoring it that stopping the bleeding will be nice.

Hope all is well with you.

Shoeguy


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Ahhhhh..... debt settlement.
Where you make payments to the people "settling" the debts for you, they collect it into an account somewhere, and then pay it out to the creditors at their "agreed to" settlement.
Problem with that is usually, that you have to stop making payments to the creditors, to get in arrears, and then they start to work with you. Of course, your debt settlement company will have you signing papers that say they did NOT tell you to stop making payments, because advising you to is illegal, but thats the part of the plan. 

My ex used debt settlement several times. She had paid off debts and settled them for much less than owed. The only real issue is that your credit rating will take a huge hit, and you will get forms 1099C in the mail next tax season, showing whatever was written off on each of those debts being settled, as income to you and you will have to pay taxes on that income.
It was a surprise for us the first time she used it and we had to file a revision to our taxes after getting that 1099C.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Im at the point where I think I can "snowball" my debt out of existence. You know, make the minimum payments every month on everything except one card. Then, when that card is paid off, take its payment you were sending in, and add it to the next card's payment on the list. Then when it is paid off, add those two payments you were making to the third card's payment on the list.
Hopefully I can maintain some willpower through all that....

But,,, I had to get the timing belt, and various related parts replaced as a maintenance item on my vehicle. That cost was 1600.00. 
I still have an oil leak, and my car is in the shop right now having the rear main seal replaced (requires engine removal) at a tune of 1200.00 so far....

So,,,, again, my Dad has helped me with these expenses, and if it werent for him I would be up sh!t creek.


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