# Sexless life in a faithful marriage with a lovely wife!



## oldnotbald (Oct 16, 2014)

The title may seem contradictory, but it is the ongoing reality in my life. Please see my predicament!
At 61 it seems my sexual drive has increased instead of wilting out. Yes! I feel sexually lonely because of the irrevocable biological dysfunction my loving wife suffers . We could not consummate the act! It is all the more devastating now because, until recent times we had a very active, gratifying sexual bliss. Unfortunately my sexual drive appears to grow gradually now! That there is no outlet may be the reason? With no solution in sight to her physical condition, I am facing all pervasive frustration. Is it because sexual drive is the outcome of both physical and mental ingredients?
This frustration pulls down my otherwise active social life! I have been a source of inspiration for my colleagues, particularly to juniors while I was in my pre-retirement career! All my plans to utilize that advantageous experience in a non profit manner to the small community I live in could not be started at all because of this predicament! The physically induced frustration, accentuated by psychological and mental ignitions make me struggle to muffle it all the time! 
I am practically inactive! I just feel like being imprisoned in a solitary cell in the jail!
One of my well wisher, an intellectually elevated person at that, suggested this site!
Is there any solution, without any risk of compromising the generally accepted ethics?


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## Want2StayMarried (Oct 14, 2014)

Have you considered asking your wife if you can have sex with someone outside your marriage? Since she isn't able to satisfy your needs and probably doesn't want you to be unsatisfied? I mean it would probably introduce some issues into your marriage, but it doesn;t mean you can't potentially make it work if she is willing to see if she is ok with it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You probably have from 10 to 20 years left in which you may desire and have an active sex life. There are no treatments available for your wife's condition? There is nothing else she can or will do to provide you with some sexual satisfaction? 

There are no GOOD options, really, but negotiating an open marriage is probably the potentially least harmful and most ethical.

There is divorce to provide you sexual/dating freedom - but you can still keep your relationship intact in all other ways and perhaps even live together. (Some people do this for financial reasons instead of sexual, as in a Medicaid divorce.) There is also libido reduction through chemical castration (google it), but it may be difficult to find a doctor who will work with you to prescribe the necessary drugs.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

I keep on wondering about a question in my head all the time ?

Why wouldn't a dear wife exert some efforts even if she is sexually unable to go for an intercourse .

I don't really care about the kind of sex she can give ;they have so many options ; they never use them (BJ,HJ, ,Forplay , ) and more may be unacceptable : anal , etc ...

The question I keep raising in my mind :
if I was LD or even Unable to get even an erection ; and my wife has desires ; would I go down on her and give her an Oral job ?
It might not be a wow, but i will fulfill partially her needs .
I Will do , I know my self , I will do it .

I advise you to talk to her , and talk about how important is to you ; and she should understand how imp it is ; otherwise she should go counselling...

the question is if she does only BJ,HJ and few other things will that be fine with you ?

if okey , don't go outside to buy a piece of hamburger ...


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

One more thing ,

You are a normal person don't let anyone, anyone convince you that you are a sex maniac !


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Zouz said:


> I keep on wondering about a question in my head all the time ?
> 
> Why wouldn't a dear wife exert some efforts even if she is sexually unable to go for an intercourse .
> 
> ...



in the case of a long term faithful marriage, your marriage bonds require you to not cheat.

But if you get permission, that is no longer cheating. But it sounds like in this particular marriage, it would probably hurt your wife's feelings a lot for you to go outside the marriage for physical sex only. So really ask her carefully, and be sure she means it if she gives you a hall pass.

This might be one of those cases where a professional hooker might be wise....no emotional strings to get attached?

But the idea of alternatives to PIV sex are not as simple as it seems. Some women, for instance, will TOLERATE oral or anal sex, but really only enjoy PIV sex. So if your penis is not working, there actually may not be any good alternatives. For isntance, a fairly LD wife, who does not use a lot of toys, nor fantasize about sex, is not going to be for replacing your non-working **** for a big dildo or your tongue...it just will not do it for her.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Just for clarication ,

i am HD and my wife is LD .

What Iam saying is that if PO is fine with BJ/HJ, etc... then this better than Open marriage.
DON't go for open marriage ; U r faithfull for her for years ; only ask her if she refuses any kind of help i.e if she refuses to do any effort .

Regards


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

oldnotbald said:


> The title may seem contradictory, but it is the ongoing reality in my life. Please see my predicament!
> At 61 it seems my sexual drive has increased instead of wilting out. Yes! I feel sexually lonely because of the irrevocable biological dysfunction my loving wife suffers . We could not consummate the act! It is all the more devastating now because, until recent times we had a very active, gratifying sexual bliss. Unfortunately my sexual drive appears to grow gradually now! That there is no outlet may be the reason? With no solution in sight to her physical condition, I am facing all pervasive frustration. Is it because sexual drive is the outcome of both physical and mental ingredients?
> This frustration pulls down my otherwise active social life! I have been a source of inspiration for my colleagues, particularly to juniors while I was in my pre-retirement career! All my plans to utilize that advantageous experience in a non profit manner to the small community I live in could not be started at all because of this predicament! The physically induced frustration, accentuated by psychological and mental ignitions make me struggle to muffle it all the time!
> I am practically inactive! I just feel like being imprisoned in a solitary cell in the jail!
> ...


I wonder if perhaps your wife, unused to such speculative narrative, has no idea that you're hurting so much?

Speak clearly and use simple words.

"Wife, I am feeling very frustrated with the lack of sex. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding but the more time goes by, the less patience I have. I need a sexual connection with you. How can we solve this together?"


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what is the 'irrevocable biological dysfunction' that your wife suffers?

At the risk of being intrusive, posters can advise better if they know.

That's why anonymity is so valuable.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Is she physically not capable of sex for a medical reason, or does she simply not want it?


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## oldnotbald (Oct 16, 2014)

Thank you all for your sympathetic replies. 
The issue is she should not become emotional or excited. Because of her other health conditions of diabetic, and BP at this age of 58, she faints immediately when excited. That includes sex. that is a reason for panic! Is it not? Because of the age, the physicians say, it is more a mental condition than a physical one and there can be no treatment in sight other than preventing it. It happens one in ten thousand. 

Secondly, I am in a very conservative society. My problem is known only to my wife. Nobody else (now other than you in TAM!). I myself could not reconcile for the suggestions posted here obviously. Any how thanks! But let us explore!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

she faints during sex? well, that is a new one! 

I guess the BJ route is a good idea then. Can she do that for you and not faint?

I also foresee porn being a big part of your future sex life.

But DO have the talk with her. LD spouses often really do not know how important sex is to the spouse. Once they find out, _sometimes_ they do try more. but you will have to do ALL of the initiating


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## oldnotbald (Oct 16, 2014)

murphy5 said:


> she faints during sex? well, that is a new one!
> 
> I guess the BJ route is a good idea then. Can she do that for you and not faint?
> 
> ...


-----------------------
Thank you Murphy,
But
BJ may also end in her fainting. So I do not prefer it. 
Regarding porn, 99% of them lack soul and appear mechanical if not repulsive.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

oldnotbald said:


> -----------------------
> Thank you Murphy,
> But
> BJ may also end in her fainting. So I do not prefer it.
> Regarding porn, 99% of them lack soul and appear mechanical if not repulsive.


Most mainstream porn involves degredation and a male fantasy of power.

There are other forms of porn though. There are porn where passion and intimacy are displayed, you have to search it out.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Does this mean she can't drive either? Someone swerves in front of her and she's down for the count? This is very odd.

She can see a qualified PhD therapist who can teach her relaxation techniques. She can learn to meditate and control her excitement responses. She can give you hand jobs but you risk picking her up off the floor if you don't warn her before you ejaculate, cause something that just sneaks up on you and blam, you've got spunk in your eye!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

She may try to work on breathing techniques to stop the fainting. Deep but slow calm breathing, keeping eyes open (it's a must), and this may go away after several seconds. You would have to figure out your play around it.

Also - before sex , sugar and caffeine, these things keep the adrenaline level up, help with fainting. 

Advise by professional fainter


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> You probably have from 10 to 20 years left in which you may desire and have an active sex life. There are no treatments available for your wife's condition? There is nothing else she can or will do to provide you with some sexual satisfaction?
> 
> There are no GOOD options, really, but negotiating an open marriage is probably the potentially least harmful and most ethical.
> 
> There is divorce to provide you sexual/dating freedom - but you can still keep your relationship intact in all other ways and perhaps even live together. (Some people do this for financial reasons instead of sexual, as in a Medicaid divorce.) There is also libido reduction through chemical castration (google it), but it may be difficult to find a doctor who will work with you to prescribe the necessary drugs.


Chemical castration is certainly an option but why miss out on the benefits of regular sex for your prostate? I am not suggesting an affair or masturbation the rest of your life but you do need consistent release in order to maintain your sexual health and avoiding prostate cancer.

Considering the situation that you are in, I would agree that an open marriage could be a solution. As long that you both agreed and developed the guidelines together. Even as religious that I am, I know that if I were faced with your situation and there was no way that my wife could help me, I would have this discussion with her.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Hi any news from the fainting wife ?

I guess she must be knowing mine :

The lasy profile , that find execuses for anything ....

if you are financially doing well , and your religion allows it ; marry another women with her knowledge ; don't tell me her heart will break ; because it is you who have a good heart ...

she faints !

Mine refused sex without a condom for years ; because it disturb her after the intercourse and cleaner !

I am sick of LD wives !

I am really sick of it .

mine have a lot of pain in her hands when she gets her period ; why because she is afraid of giving a hand Job !
her period lasts something like 12-15 days !

It takes 10 mn couple of times per week from such a creature like mine to make her husband really happy ; yet she will refuse .

Stand for your rights !


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

she faints in bed? well, how does this stop you from having sex with her?? 

or is her "fainting" more like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gSf5UMZ8ms


just remember: its a trick, get an axe


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