# Took my wedding band off tonight



## davey crockett (Jun 6, 2012)

yet another night, fighting my place with the booze. Well tonight I did something I have never done, I gave up. After 26 years, not quite but on the 20th of this month it will be that, 26 years from the first date, 26 years from the time she remembers me. 16 years of being married that apparently means little other than money, I have decided that tonight, I, yes me, am going to spend the night on the computer. Numerous years off putting up with apparently nothing more than music all night and clandestine behavior on the computer and it's me that is the ****? numerous years of recollections of being the one to wait, whether it be the OM, the EA, the whatever, the blah blah, the jealous one. well tonight signifies a difference.
This year has been a ***** to date, several issues that have broken me, tried seeing a Councillor which helped a little only the once but cannot afford to continue. It was nice to speak to some one without an opinion, just listen, be there.
I know I have not been the best husband in the world, worked a lot, and I mean a lot, but tried to provide, tried to find a way through lifes quagmire, but eventually as most I suppose I came to the point of what is the point, Am i just a paycheck, am i just the next orgasm when it suits, why dont I trust her anymore. After all of the years of working away from home I have never strayed, but she did. Admittedly it was sooo many years ago, but I cannot forget, it is eating me up. why now, why cant I drop that occasion from my head. Was it just the one occasion some 20+ years ago, or was it more.
Okay I am not in the best position the best judge, I wasnt the best of human beings before I met her, but she changed that.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I know that in taking my wedding band off, it will make a point, well to me. I know that it wont make any difference, I know that in my heart she seems to dislike me and I understand why, to a point. I am not the best husband in the world. God knows I have tried, especially this year, probably to late. However I am determined to stay up all night, not work tomorrow (me, not working, sacrilege) she can have her unknown discussions, listen to music.... allegedly, play innocent, chastise me all she wants, bully me into sex, because that what it has come to. 
If there is not several hours on the computer and numerous bottles off beer, sex is a none starter, full stop, period end of game.
Why do I care any more... well, after all of these years I still love her. More than 26 years and she still lifts my heart, I remember the way she had her hair, I recall the dress she wore, I remember what she said. On that I gave up what I desired to do with my life, just the first sight. Do I regret that, well sometimes maybe but that issue is so far away I cant even consider, even though the kids are old enough to fend for themselves.
So here I am in the dark, monitor glow for light, trying to think why bother continuing on,,,,,


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Can you please be more clear about the specific financial problems?

Your post was like a rant, but I can't tell what the issue is.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I feel for ya davey.... just let it all out. Go ahead & rant. We all need it sometimes.
The more you type out, the more you can sort out some of your feelings... You definitely need to bend an ear or two. I feel bad for you that you can't afford a counselor, because it sounds like maybe it helped.

Well, you've got listening ears here.

I can't tell if she had another EA recently, or if it is a past affair that you just cannot let go of now. Did you recently find out about the old afair? Or did something new trigger old memories & distrusts?

For one thing, I would suggest putting the beers aside, until you can sort out your head a little & get some sleep. Your talking/typing kind of sounds like someone who hasn't slept well in days. I think some sleep could also help to bring in some needed perspective.

If you're going to leave her.. Do you have a place you can go & just veg & not think? (ie, gaming with a friend?) Something that will distract your mind long enough to give it a break from thinking about her... give it a break & let it fall asleep?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband took his wedding ring off when he was dissatisfied, thinking it would send me a message. Well, it just pissed me off.

If you have something to say to her, just say it. When you're sober would be best. If you're hurting, tell her that.


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## davey crockett (Jun 6, 2012)

Admittedly it was a rant, which I hasten to add is not usually in my psyche, but that night was stressful to say the least.
Apologies for the rant, I dont know who I was communicating with, probably just myself really for some personal clarity.
For clarity's sake, firstly the place I was fighting was not the booze in me. yes I like a drink or two but nowhere near the same level. This is on of the biggest issue for me, the alcohol consumption is getting out of hand and if the subject is raised it is obviously me who has the problem and not the other way around.

When the drinking starts its like filling the truck with gas, which leads into an all night session on her computer, allegedly just listening to music, but there are definite signs of other activity, but this is not a new thing, it has been apparent for several years. I don't think I believe that there is any physical relationship occurring, I really don't want to, if truth be told.

Yes the OM was numerous years ago before the internet was available in the public domain, so it was not connected to that. It was more direct, with a lodger I/We had agreed to mentor. Gave him a room, gave him a job (in my company), trained him and because it was a new business I was away for most of the week. Therefore it was my fault, well that is what I am told, still to this day.

This year sent me reeling with other things I am coming to terms with, but basically I received links from an unknown party for hidden camera video with likeness of my friends, family and of course the wife, rather nondescript in some ways and luckily I had access to resources that helped put it away and confirm identities or not as the case maybe.

It cracked the secure shell I had put on that issue, but it also brought the mistrust to the fore, which I need to ratify to bring me back to fighting the daily trudge of normal life.

Its the internet thing, relentless nights typing, followed by staying in bed all day the following day. It really chokes me, but I cant do anything about it, we have talked, we have shouted and argued over it, but she knows I love her to bits. I have tried to leave but I cant make it past the end of the lane, I cant give up. My heart wont let me, but it is killing me and I dont see an end to it.

So in taking my wedding band off it was not to piss her off, it was my first step to stating a fact. It will not go back on until this is resolved one way or the other. Baby steps to myself to teflon coat my heart. So things will change eventually, but who knows which way at this point. I just want her back the way she was before all of the financial issues hit.

Those issues are not something anyone can help with, even talking about them I'm afraid, it is a long story of deception, fraud and lawsuits against other people who effectively over the last six years have screwed with our lives. The legal system is not what it should be.
Thanks for talking the time to respond, I didn't think it would generate anything.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Let it flow, Davey. The more you type, the closer you'll get. If we can't do anything, we'll just listen. You know where you're headed. Some need to take the long road. Nothing wrong with that, if it gets you there. 
You've got a lot on your plate. Don't know how much, but the bottle will drag it out for all involved, you know that. Neither of you will be able to see what's in store, if the bottle is involved. Again, you know that. She doesn't see it as well as you. You can't change her. She won't change until she sees it herself. You can only change you. You first. One day at a time, one problem at a time. 
Keep posting. We're an ear for you. A place to share you thoughts with others.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

No need to apologize for rant. We all need to do that sometimes. 
I just mentioned that because I was having a hard time pinpointing what the issue was. Now you have clearly explained, so thank you.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I know you love her. however, it seems that right now, if you focus your energies on fullfilling your own needs, you might be a little happier. I know you want her to wake up & smell the coffee... see the guy she has right in front of her.. etc. But, she's probably not going to see it , until that love is withdrawn, until you are NOT right in front of her & she finally wonders whats up.


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