# Another kick in the gut



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Just found out my H is not alone living in Bristol. I thought his posOW was stilli in Ireland, but no, she's with him in Bristol. I am beyond devastated. It's hurts just as bad as d day. I was hopeful if she was in Ireland still, he might come out of his fog. It's been 3.5 months. I'm an idiot. He texted me he was broke, so I offered to help him and sell some stuff to help, him out. I even offerd him the spare room in my house to help him save money on rent. God I miss him. I just want him back. I know that's wrong and I know you all will tell me to forget him but it's hard. I can't turn off my feelings for him. Married12 years, we were so close, always talked, very loving. And bam, I've lost my best friend and my husband.i am finding it hard to go on. What's the point in anything. I feel like life is over.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Life is not over. I've been where you are and it sucks.

However, believe me when I say that you can and will find happiness again.

Please seek the immediate help of a qualified counselor.

All the best
WD


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Take a look at the link for the 180 in my signature block below. That is how you need to be nteracting with him right now. This will protect you emotionally. 

It sounds like you might be in a depression. You would most likely benefit from some antidepressents. They can help you get beyond this emotional pain.

Whether he ever comes back or not, the best thing you could do right now is to work on yourself. Get yourself out of this funk, get active.

If anything your current depressed, needy state will only surve to drive him away.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Chopsy.

First, I'm sorry you are in pain. You shouldn't be treated like neither fish nor fowl. 

Second though, you can get better advice and the story stays more consistant if you keep all your posts to one thread.

Thank you.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Chopsy, I am very sorry for your pain. After D-Day and finding my WW was still having an affair with OM. I really was in a lot of pain. I lost 14kg in 10 days.

My kids were misbehaving one day and I took them down the basement and I was talking to them about behaving right now. I told them they still had their mom, but my wife was no more. I didn't have that person I could tell anything and everything to. I couldn't just share whatever I wanted with her anymore. That person was gone and I was terribly alone.

It is very hard to have that ripped away from you so drastically. It is like there is a hole in you now that you need to fill but really can't.

Chopsy, you need to move on. Work on yourself. Make yourself a better person. Set out goals on things you would like to do to make yourself better and go after them. Do not look for H to come back. Your happiness cannot depend on him. Let it be on what you do. Enjoy your life and focus on the positive.

It is difficult. It will take time to emotionally heal. It doesn't take anytime to get started on making yourself a better you. Gym, hobbies, school whatever...

Prepare yourself for your future so when the right thing happens for you, you will be ready to handle it. It may be your H it may be something different. For me, I always hoped it would be my WW, but not that I have moved on, my life is so much better in so many ways. She is still stuck in her lying and terrible habits... Sorry, not my fault. Good luck to you. Now go out and work on yourself and don't be sad. Look at this as an opportunity to focus on you and relish in it!


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Don't feel bad about still lovIng and caring for this man. It's completely normal and natural. The hurt is very real and right not you just want to make it go away. 
It will go away. Something that helped me was telling myself "I can make it through tonight" or during the day "I can get through this day", rather than getting overwhelemed with everything all at once. Wish I could give you a hug. Things will be better. You will figure things out. You can't do that if you aren't eating or sleeping so please take care if yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

I can feel your pain. It's all about the trauma/s. The trauma can make us feel a bit desperate to not lose the things we know and have relied upon. Daily living becomes almost surreal as if packing a year into each day, slow and painful. Can't wait for today to end but not wanting tomorrow to come either because it might feel worse than today. Can't see spouse for who they really are. No rash decisions until you are done with this phase. Read up on the stages of grief, the karma threads here and the stats about failure rate of WS/AP relationships. Treat yourself to something nice you really like - some good dark chocolate will do wonders for your mood/brain.


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