# i really dont know what to do. Any wise advice?



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

If any of you read, i have been living apart from my husband since oct. I left at 8 months pregnant because he wanted a divorce. He's in the army and 6 hours away. We did reconcile 2 months after i moved out. We did not fix the problems, just jumped back in to the relationship and kinda swept everything under the rug and our relationship went right back to how it was.


Since my last post introducing myself, my husband started calling and texting me more. He would talk about, then back off. He is very hot and cold. I ended up getting really mad and sending him an email telling him i didnt think he cares about me at all because he keeps doing this. He told me he has been hot and cold because he had been thinking about reconciling but every time he did he started thinking about how we do this all the time, split up, hate each other, we dont talk, then we get back together. He wants to beak the cycle. We have only split up twice. One was before he deployed and the other was when he got home. I know he has a bunch of issues because of the army, the man i married is not the same man who is now in the army. Anyways, he said he didnt not want to tell me that he had been thinking of trying to work things out because he is done for good. So i am an idiot and talked to him today on the phone and told him that things didnt work out last time because we did not fix the problems. I told him i am trying to work on myself and he needs to work on himself. I asked him if he's willing to possibly keep the door open to eventually one day possibly getting back together. i told him i wanted to take things slow and rebuild a relationship, forgive each other for thing we have done. Talk more to build better communication and then see where things go between us then. He said he'd think about it.


I did not plead or beg him, i just told him that he is giving up without really trying to fix things. I am really in a rut and have no clue what to do. We obviously need to fix problems, but im not really sure what its gonna take to fix the problem. I also am not 100% sure what he wants from me. I dont even know what he wants out of a marriage anymore. I really have no one in my family to even get marriage advice from because if i try to talk to them about it, they say "hes worthless move on!!" i dont want to hear that, i want legit marriage advice. We have both changed since he has been in the military. I am so lost. Any wise advice?


----------



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

i forgot to mention what the problems are. The problems are that we fight a lot. He says i nag (i do) and he is emotionally distant from me since getting back from Afghanistan last year. We argue a lot. We do not communicate very well anymore. We fight, ignore each other, then go on about our business and forget it, then it comes back up again. We never resolve any issues. He says if we get in to a fight to leave him a lone and let him cool off and then he will talk about it later. I do this now and we never discuss anything though. He never wants to talk about anything unless its something he is interested in. I dont even know what he wants out of a marriage, we dont even discuss that. I am trying to do all that now, and see what he wants out of a marriage, tell him what i want, but he says it doesnt matter, its not ever gonna change. How can it change though if we dont try to fix the issues? Blah!


We are currently 6 hours away, havent seen each other since Jan 1st. I cant visit him because my oldest son is in school and he cant visit me because of the army, so its not like we can visit each other and see each other.


----------



## profos (Apr 19, 2012)

You can't fix things when you're together and now you're 6 hours apart with no way to see one another, how the heck are you going to fix things like this?

I guess tell him you'll stop nagging him as long as he does the things you always nag him about without you having to remind him but what could you possibly be nagging him about since you don't even live together?


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Even soldiers get time off. His wife is only 6 hours away. I would have driven much farther to see mine.


----------



## profos (Apr 19, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Even soldiers get time off. His wife is only 6 hours away. I would have driven much farther to see mine.


True. Or they each travel 3 hrs and meet halfway. Thats nothing. The distance is just an excuse.


----------



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

I dont have tags on my car right now, i need to get it Maryland inspected (since it had NC tags that expired). So i gotta get it inspected and get it registered in Maryland. I am working on that though, i just got the title a few days ago from him (car was in his name.) and i also have a son in school so i could only do weekends.


He cant come because he is getting kicked out of the army, so was doing extra duty (working from 4:30 am- 11pm.) and lost all his holiday leave and no weekend visits. Basically he is in trouble.


I do want to hurry up and get tags for my car and trying to go down there within the next 2 weeks or at least half way for a weekend. Im not sure how he will feel about that though. He seems very on the fence about our marriage right now. I dont wanna push myself on him. Not sure how to ask if he wants to meet me half way (if he even can since he is in trouble and getting kicked out of the army.).

Right now he said he'd think about possibly trying to work things out, and today i have texted and called, no answer. Texted him last night to tell him my son had to get his tonsils out and no text or call back. So i guess he is avoiding me because he is done or he's thinking about everything. Im not sure.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is he getting kicked out of the Army for?

What is he going to do when he gets out? Is he doing to move to where you are?


----------



## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

What is your nearest Army installation? 

Call the Army Community Service (ACS). They have counselors (Military Family and Life Consultants or MFLCs) if that is who you want to talk to. They have other services to help out in situations like this. You're not the first one going thru something similar - there is help out there.

Talk to legal/JAG and see what they have to say.

All these services are free as long as you are a dependent.


----------

