# Male friend



## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

I met him on a dating site years ago. But I wasn't really interested in him. The time I thought let me see if he available he told me he was getting married. He really was not my type. So many things have happened with him. He told me he was separated but he was still with her. So many things happened he always seemed to be their in the background. I reconnected with him on social media. I have a situation and so does he. We spoke in the first lockdown really got to know each other. I stupidly told him where I worked he came and saw me there. Nothing has happened but I started to like him. I was having issues and just like talking to him. 
I just tried ignoring how I was feeling because I don't fancy him but there is something between us. I think about him all the time and if he doesn't message feel upset. I thought this got to stop let me concentrate on my situation. I noticed we just didn't talk much anymore. He really backed off and thought thank god. 
I think blocking people just childish and thought I need to stop relying on him too. So I am going through a lot reached out ask him about his holiday he went on. We started talking again.
So today I finished work and he outside. I said hi we walked and we stop outside the centre and we just talked. He just amazed me by giving me some great advice. I left feeling emotional because I didn't expect him to give me that advice.
I got home and thinking I don't fancy him at all. I remember looking at his face thinking he a nice guy but but not my type.
But there's a connection and still trying to work out what it is. I can't deny I like him. But is this only friends?


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

So you both are married?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Your attraction seems minimal. But it does sound like you are hungry for attention. So if you are married or committed to someone, you probably ought to do something about that before you start burning through guys you're lukewarm on.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I met him on a dating site years ago. But I wasn't really interested in him. The time I thought let me see if he available he told me he was getting married. He really was not my type. So many things have happened with him. He told me he was separated but he was still with her. So many things happened he always seemed to be their in the background. I reconnected with him on social media. I have a situation and so does he. We spoke in the first lockdown really got to know each other. I stupidly told him where I worked he came and saw me there. Nothing has happened but I started to like him. I was having issues and just like talking to him.
> I just tried ignoring how I was feeling because I don't fancy him but there is something between us. I think about him all the time and if he doesn't message feel upset. I thought this got to stop let me concentrate on my situation. I noticed we just didn't talk much anymore. He really backed off and thought thank god.
> I think blocking people just childish and thought I need to stop relying on him too. So I am going through a lot reached out ask him about his holiday he went on. We started talking again.
> So today I finished work and he outside. I said hi we walked and we stop outside the centre and we just talked. He just amazed me by giving me some great advice. I left feeling emotional because I didn't expect him to give me that advice.
> ...


You have a famial connection, that's all. 
Nice guy. Useful for advice. Easy to talk to.
However, it isn't childish to block somebody as a prevention measure to protect your marriage, if there is any possibility that it could go somewhere.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

thunderchad said:


> So you both are married?


yeah. My thoughts too. 

who's married and who is not ?

Who is going to get screwed over on the other side of things.

Ginger left those details out


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Blocking is childish when you’re doing it for attention. And then unblocking and blocking. Or blocking and then wanting them to find another way to find you, yes childish.

But blocking and disengaging is very mature.

It’s clear this has already moved from online to meeting up. And it’s clear you’re not really going to ‘block’ him out of your mind either. So I’m not really sure what you’re questioning 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Sounds like the perfect start to a sexless marriage if y’all ever go that route. You shouldn’t husband up an emotional sponge.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

I stupidly told him where I work. I have known him for years. We just talked online no plans to meet up.
There really isn't anything going on between although I might of got emotionally attached and started relying on him. He really is not type.
He is married and I am not. But I also plan on get married.
I kept trying to deny my feelings for this guy. Maybe because I am in that spot of uncertainty in my life. Like I always use to look for someone to rescue me. 
After yesterday he was just outside my work. I never tell him when I am working. But I knew it's first time in a long time working on weekend day. I did think to myself that I might see him he comes in my work too. I honestly that bit of the it was over. I suppose I messaged and I can't lie I have missed talking to him. I feel bad because I don't really want him. It's just having him there and I looked back he only guy who has ever been like this. I say to myself that I don't even fancy him he not who I normally go for. But in a strange way we have connected. That could be a friendship it could be more I just don't know. Through all my troubles in my life I have built a relationship with God. I believe which is crazier that I was meant to see him. What he said is what I was meant to here. This what got me feeling so weird. I mean like God sent him to talk to me. It's like I told him my troubles and he is like you don't jump out this now. Continue doing good and if that person goes. He made me see what I already been saying to myself. Like he met on that level just can't explain. So I said buy to him and honestly felt so emotional. He was so right too. I actually don't know what's happening with us. All I know that made me feel more closer to him.
He has been there for me and yesterday looking in his face saying you don't fancy him. The guy I am with I am so attracted too but he complicated. Typical I got involved with the man of my dreams and complicated. The guy I don't fancy who cl


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Ok you seem young, so I’m not going to eat you alive for going after a married man that you don’t like. I notice you don’t mention the wife. He has a wife, a real-life wife. What do you think about her?

I’m also a little worried about your talk of God… I mean… I’m sorry, it’s a crazy story. Can you print this out and read it to the people that know you best??? Would you be embarrassed to do that? You have built a relationship with God, and God sent you a married man online, who you don’t really like. But he thinks there’s more going on, and you’re getting possessive of his time. That’s right, he has to message you when he’s with his wife.

Why don’t you like his wife very much? Is she mean?


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

wants me and always has. But we have this connection. It became apparent when he turned up at the carnival and met up with him. I was single then but I did go around with him into the carnival and then told him sorry you enjoy yourself and went home. I wasn't feeling it at all.
i got with my current partner and he bloody turned up account calling me to meet..but told him sorry I have someone now and that was that.
When we reconnected he was constantly messaging now it's crazy he backed off and it is me wanting to message him first. 
My current partner not innocent I met him and he had a female friend felt so uncomfortable. He obviously still like her so this why I was like why should I cut this male friend off. In fact he does have a lot of female friends. I didn't trust my partner this why I am here probably using the guy to seek attention on what he is not giving me my husband. But I do wonder this male friend does really talk about his wife to me. Not that he should he talks like he only got a son with a woman like they separated. But they are not but he does say she okay and his son.
I really don't want to go down the line of an affair been there done that bought the t-shirt. But emotional I feel attached the more I say it's just because of this madness your in. I do think of him each day and he probably just being nice. Yesterday what he said was genuine. I realized I missed my chance with him when it was too late. All these idiots I should of given him a try. But then again there a reason probably we didn't happen. He was meant to get married and I was meant to go down this path I am on. I realized my feelings but can't tell him. I don't know what I feel more for him now even if he not my type than before. I can't deny it.
I don't want to block him and don't want to reveal my feelings for him. What should I do?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I stupidly told him where I work. I have known him for years. We just talked online no plans to meet up.
> There really isn't anything going on between although I might of got emotionally attached and started relying on him. He really is not type.
> He is married and I am not. But I also plan on get married.
> I kept trying to deny my feelings for this guy. Maybe because I am in that spot of uncertainty in my life. Like I always use to look for someone to rescue me.
> ...


There is one undeniable fact in all your mixed up feelings and emotions.

He is married.

You think God sent him to you?
There’s a commandment written just for you.
You shall not commit adultery.

He’s married you need to get your head straight about that.
he’s off limits and nothing can change that while he has a wife.

Put a guard around your heart and squash your emotions.

Plus he’s not a good guy.
He comes to visit you, essentially cheating on his wife?
Is that a good guy? no.
What must he think of her?

Stop fantasizing about this guy and relationship that is not meant to be.
Stop comparing him to your current boyfriend.

If you don’t love your boyfriend, break up and find your forever Mr Right.
But don’t go down the road of adultery any further than you already have.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Hey OP, you said you plan on getting married.

Let's fast forward in time to when you are married.

How would you feel if some lady was doing the same things you are now with your husband?


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> Ok you seem young, so I’m not going to eat you alive for going after a married man that you don’t like. I notice you don’t mention the wife. He has a wife, a real-life wife. What do you think about her?
> 
> I’m also a little worried about your talk of God… I mean… I’m sorry, it’s a crazy story. Can you print this out and read it to the people that know you best??? Would you be embarrassed to do that? You have built a relationship with God, and God sent you a married man online, who you don’t really like. But he thinks there’s more going on, and you’re getting possessive of his time. That’s right, he has to message you when he’s with his wife.
> 
> Why don’t you like his wife very much? Is she mean?


No I didn't mean it in that way. I meant this male friend advice. God never would want me to have an affair but feel through this man in a crazy way he said what I already knew.

It just made me feel close to him more now. I am beginning to see him for who he is. He stood really saying things I needed to hear. This all could be his purpose in my life. But I am just like wow.
He does care for me this male friend and no way has he made any moves on me. I don't think anything will happen with him but I do know we have a connection but don't know what.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> There is one undeniable fact in all your mixed up feelings and emotions.
> 
> He is married.
> 
> ...


I met him and he said he just walking around. 
I don't know what he does but thought he was good with his wife.
I am not a marriage wrecker it's just we known each other a long time. I would give him the time of day. Yet I am feeling I got him wrong. Have you felt that there is something with you and a person but you can't work it out. Maybe it is just a friendship just that we getting to know each other more. 

I won't keep over thinking this and I won't message him.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Yes, but why don’t you like his wife?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I met him and he said he just walking around.
> I don't know what he does but thought he was good with his wife.
> I am not a marriage wrecker it's just we known each other a long time. I would give him the time of day. Yet I am feeling I got him wrong. Have you felt that there is something with you and a person but you can't work it out. Maybe it is just a friendship just that we getting to know each other more.
> 
> I won't keep over thinking this and I won't message him.


Good, don’t do it.
Getting to know each other, like you said, it as open door for you to be even more emotionally attached to him.

Stop that, get on with your life without him.
Give him your number and tell him to to call you when his divorce is final.

In the meantime, refocus on being the best you that you can.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Ginger2 said:


> I don't think anything will happen with him but *I do know we have a connection but don't know what*.


It doesn't matter what your "connection" is, it's completely irrelevant. *HE IS MARRIED*. That's *all* you need to know. *You have no business having any contact with him in any form.*

It's as simple as that.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

frusdil said:


> It doesn't matter what your "connection" is, it's completely irrelevant. *HE IS MARRIED*. That's *all* you need to know. *You have no business having any contact with him in any form.*
> 
> It's as simple as that.


Quoting for emphasis.
Ginger, read this again and again.
Let it sink in.
Squash those emotions that fight against this.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> Yes, but why don’t you like his wife?


I have never met his wife to not like her.
I always ask him how she is doing he said she fine.
I might sound very naive her. I am not but think I concluded our conversation probably finalised who he is to me. 
That really we have moved on from each other. It might even be the final conversation we have in person.
I will never make the same bad choices I have made in the past with a married man.
I always put his wife in the conversation and see his reactions. He very cagey about his marriage and I don't expect him to tell me everything. I do think that this guy has or had been cheating on her. I don't know he may have changed.
For me it's was the advice he gave me yesterday. Maybe because he seen how crazy I was messaging him silly stuff. I am going through so much. It was nice I needed that person to tell what he did. Despite that I am confused about him sometimes. 
That could just be me overthinking it making it more than what it is. But them I can't keep doing the small talk with him. I need to get certain things off my chest. He did really piss me off back then by lying about his situation to me. I wouldn't of let him come to my place. Nothing happened although he wanted it too. I said no he got a call and he left. I need to not overlook what he did. He forgiven but won't ever go there with him. Emotionally I stupidly have and realised he never going to just go away. He will be there and I can't say f off because he has been there to listen to me. If this is a friendship then that's it. 
But they I ask my mind stop the feelings. Stop the thinking of him in that way.
He a connection to my past. I told him you met me in a right state. He like no you wasn't. I was awful was off the rails dating idiots who just used me. 
I know I need to work on myself this why I am going to therapy soon. Well my first appointment next month.
I just need to leave him but it's like he a bad penny keeps showing up. Like unexpectedly I don't want to fall into that trap. I don't think I will but I may blurt how he makes me feel.
Thank you all for advice


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ginger2 said:


> I stupidly told him where I work. I have known him for years. We just talked online no plans to meet up.
> There really isn't anything going on between although I might of got emotionally attached and started relying on him. He really is not type.
> He is married and I am not. But I also plan on get married.
> I kept trying to deny my feelings for this guy. Maybe because I am in that spot of uncertainty in my life. Like I always use to look for someone to rescue me.
> ...


God isn't going to bring a married man to you. Stay away and cut off all contact. He isn't free to be with anyone. You are also what, engaged? 
Stop playing around with someone else's marriage.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> God isn't going to bring a married man to you. Stay away and cut off all contact. He isn't free to be with anyone. You are also what, engaged?
> Stop playing around with someone else's marriage.


I know I was meant to see him for this advice only.
I suppose I just need to try not think about all this.
I won't block him but won't chase. I know he will always be there.
Has anyone ever been in a kind of situation like this wondering what is this?
I don't mind talking to him now and again online. But the coming to my work got to stop. It's escalated but just hope that was a one off this chatting after work in person. I did message him saying thank you for that. He said anytime.
I think he only person that will understand me. Obviously he a man but think it's because he knew me then and now.
I will just not bother him anymore.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

The guy you have a connection with wants more than friendship, I'd bet my house on it. 
He clearly has issues if he's been hung up on you alm these years, the one that got away blah blah.

You on the other hand also have issues, which I'm glad you're working on, but realise that your connection with this guy is you using him like an emotional crutch.

His wife is the true innocent in all this, please be an emotionally mature person, let this guy know where stands, I think you know if you do he will disappear out of your life, and that's why you're reluctant to do it.

But tell him the truth, you are not my type, I will never ever want to be more than your friend. 

Im willing to bet he will be hurt and will probably react with anger initially, but be firm and he will back off, never to be heard from again.

That would be the best outcome for you and his wife.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Jamieboy said:


> The guy you have a connection with wants more than friendship, I'd bet my house on it.
> He clearly has issues if he's been hung up on you alm these years, the one that got away blah blah.
> 
> You on the other hand also have issues, which I'm glad you're working on, but realise that your connection with this guy is you using him like an emotional crutch.
> ...


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Yes you should say something, and very quickly, in a very direct manner, this guy is basically stalking you. 

Please do it quickly and then block him. Don't leave any room for ambiguity. We men are simple creatures, please be direct.

This a crass joke among men, but its relevant here. 23 nos and yes means yes. You're giving him soft nos. Give him no room for hope. This could become dangerous for you.

You'll get the emotional support you need from your therapist


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Ginger2 said:


> No I didn't mean it in that way. I meant this male friend advice. God never would want me to have an affair but feel through this man in a crazy way he said what I already knew.
> 
> It just made me feel close to him more now. I am beginning to see him for who he is. He stood really saying things I needed to hear. This all could be his purpose in my life. But I am just like wow.
> He does care for me this male friend and no way has he made any moves on me. I don't think anything will happen with him but I do know we have a connection but don't know what.


He is making effort because he wants a side dish.

It’s called grooming. Look it up. Don’t continue unless you agree to being used and abused.

Why can’t you simply put the effort into your primary relationship? You are about to hurt him. At least end the primary relationship if you intend to keep putting energy into the OM. At least be fair to that guy.

You’ve inserted yourself into the OM marriage by simply participating with a married man. That’s hurtful to his gal.

You are responsible for how you participate. Stop hurting others. Stop participating with the married man.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ginger2 said:


> I know I was meant to see him for this advice only.
> I suppose I just need to try not think about all this.
> I won't block him but won't chase. I know he will always be there.
> Has anyone ever been in a kind of situation like this wondering what is this?
> ...


I doubt God was in this at all. He is for marriage and against a married person getting involved with anyone else. 
You are very unwise if you dont cut off all contact and ask him to stop coming to your work etc.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> I doubt God was in this at all. He is for marriage and against a married person getting involved with anyone else.
> You are very unwise if you dont cut off all contact and ask him to stop coming to your work etc.


He has backed off.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Beach123 said:


> He is making effort because he wants a side dish.
> 
> It’s called grooming. Look it up. Don’t continue unless you agree to being used and abused.
> 
> ...


He is no victim his wife is. This why I won't let this carry on. Him just turning up at my work.
I liked talking to him that was it. We not saying I love you to one an other. Or anything like that. I know I got emotionally attached. For awhile I thought I was focusing on my relationship. Stuff happened and back talking to him. I find it's a vicious circle.
My problem is I look for someone to rescue me when life gets hard. The only person who can rescue me is me.
Thanks for advice


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> He is no victim his wife is. This why I won't let this carry on. Him just turning up at my work.
> I liked talking to him that was it. We not saying I love you to one an other. Or anything like that. I know I got emotionally attached. For awhile I thought I was focusing on my relationship. Stuff happened and back talking to him. I find it's a vicious circle.
> My problem is I look for someone to rescue me when life gets hard. The only person who can rescue me is me.
> Thanks for advice


You’re right, the only one who can rescue you is you.
I also would say you should get some close girlfriends. Do you have any now?

Thats who you can turn to for support in tough times, not another wifes husband.

And I know you say he has ‘backed off’ but it also seems like ‘for now’. You don’t seem confident about that. You will have to tell him very precisely to go away. Even chatting online is wrong and dangerous, because he is likely hiding it from his wife and it can be just as emotionally attractive as seeing him.

So stop it all with this guy. Get some girlfriends to talk to and go on some dates with men who aren’t cheating on their wives.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You’re right, the only one who can rescue you is you.
> I also would say you should get some close girlfriends. Do you have any now?
> 
> Thats who you can turn to for support in tough times, not another wifes husband.
> ...


Yes thank you


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Always best to talk to a female about personal stuff. You gave him the wrong impression it seems.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Always best to talk to a female about personal stuff. You gave him the wrong impression it seems.


Yes I think I have.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

The craziest thing is I thought I could control this we are friends etc. 
He labelled us that not me because he just use to drive me crazy.
I do wonder if he actually could of been the one to make me happy. Because he always been more into me than anyone in my whole life. Although it could be he after something and won't stop until he gets that.
But it's like the ones you don't fancy are the ones you pushed aside. I feel I missed my chance with him was attracted to him I went through the what if. 
I know he is married and happy for him he deserves someone who loves him. But I don't deserve lies which he did at the start. I was hurt that he lied.
Now I just feel he a piece of my pass maybe the final piece to let go of. It seems so hard because we never crossed that line. But then apart me of my angry at my current partner putting me through stuff. I have had to accept his female friends. Why can't I have a friend too. 
It's just so hard and I know what is the rights thing to do. Letting go of this guy it's not fair on him or his wife or me. I think if I didn't get emotionally attached it be different. But I started to having him to fall back on.
I think we need space from each other now.
Thank you all


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

I wasn't attracted to him but went through the what if. It hit me during lockdown that I liked him when on second lockdown he didn't speak to me. 
He only been there in background while I dated idiots. I am glad we never went there or had an affair. 
But it's like he got to me emotionally and trying to lead me into an affair. I been trying so hard to ignore this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ginger2 said:


> The craziest thing is I thought I could control this we are friends etc.
> He labelled us that not me because he just use to drive me crazy.
> I do wonder if he actually could of been the one to make me happy. Because he always been more into me than anyone in my whole life. Although it could be he after something and won't stop until he gets that.
> But it's like the ones you don't fancy are the ones you pushed aside. I feel I missed my chance with him was attracted to him I went through the what if.
> ...


Sounds as if you need to sort out the issue of your partners female friends.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ginger2 said:


> I wasn't attracted to him but went through the what if. It hit me during lockdown that I liked him when on second lockdown he didn't speak to me.
> He only been there in background while I dated idiots. I am glad we never went there or had an affair.
> But it's like he got to me emotionally and trying to lead me into an affair. I been trying so hard to ignore this.


It's troubling that he was open to cheating on his wife so easily.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It's troubling that he was open to cheating on his wife so easily.


If someone will cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Very simple advice for you .... this is easy .... STOP EFFING ABOUT WITH A MARRIED MAN!!!!!


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If someone will cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.


Of course I know that. I am just leaving him alone now. But if the showing up at my work keeps happening then yes will have to say something.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> Very simple advice for you .... this is easy .... STOP EFFING ABOUT WITH A MARRIED MAN!!!!!


We not exactly doing anything. 
I wouldn't allow it.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Today I thought about him and went to message him. But thought no.
I know he checks my stories on social media.
That's nothing new and he use to comment. 
You know he pays attention to everything I do. Even my own guy doesn't even pay attention to everything or remember stuff.
Male friend remembers everything about me.

I am going to just forget him for a bit got so much going on. Well not contact him and he has backed off.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Ginger2 said:


> We not exactly doing anything.
> I wouldn't allow it.


What a ridiculous thing to say!!!!! You most certainly are doing something! You are ****ing about with a married man - that is what you are doing. Jesus! Stop it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> Today I thought about him and went to message him. But thought no.
> I know he checks my stories on social media.
> That's nothing new and he use to comment.
> You know he pays attention to everything I do. Even my own guy doesn't even pay attention to everything or remember stuff.
> ...


Good, that's that right attitude.
You might have some things to fix with your own guy, but don't even have the other guy in your brain.

I'm a guy, I guarantee you he will contact you or show up at your work again.
He has been cheating with you and he wants to get in your pants. I believe this based on what you have said he does.

If he thinks he can get in your pants, he won't give up chasing you, and cheating on his wife over and over.
I told you before: He is NOT a good guy.
His wife doesn't deserve this.

But I can see you are starting to see this.
Keep it up.
Break those connections he has on your heart.
No contact at all. It's the only way.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> Of course I know that. I am just leaving him alone now. But if the showing up at my work keeps happening then yes will have to say something.


Showing up at your work is creepy and inappropriate. You should put a stop to that.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Good, that's that right attitude.
> You might have some things to fix with your own guy, but don't even have the other guy in your brain.
> 
> I'm a guy, I guarantee you he will contact you or show up at your work again.
> ...


He knows that I know what he like. When we first started talking I use to say hope your behaving yourself.
This why I ask him how his wife is and his child. It's to like just put it out there I know your married. Whenever he would pick up I am going through stuff he be like we friends. 
I think already I told him a little bit too much.
My point is we didn't sleep together but he got me emotionally. I was drawn into we are friends statement he made.
I think what is bothering me I left my work in a public place. I thought imagine my guy turned up to meet me. I know he would of not spoke to me. I suppose because I am in this mess with my current partner I wanted to get him back. He got female friends whom he talks to that is married. So thought why not have this male friend.
My current partner has also done a number on me. So between him and male friend my head a mess.
But you all are right it needs to stop.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> He knows that I know what he like. When we first started talking I use to say hope your behaving yourself.
> This why I ask him how his wife is and his child. It's to like just put it out there I know your married. Whenever he would pick up I am going through stuff he be like we friends.
> I think already I told him a little bit too much.
> My point is we didn't sleep together but he got me emotionally. I was drawn into we are friends statement he made.
> ...


It sounds like both the men in your life need to go.
If your current guy is chatting up other women then he’s no good either.

Drop them both, find some ladies to talk and support you

Then once you’re better find a guy that is single and treats you right.
This is the best way.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ginger2 said:


> _*I know I was meant to see him for this advice only.*_



Yes, he's the modern day Dalai Lama of "advice" according to you. 

You must not get out very much if some sleazy married creep who's sniffing around you gave you such stupendous advice that you're looking at him with a whole new level of interest.

Seriously. See someone about your incredible inability to understand how life *really* works. It's like you're in some kind of fantasy land.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> What a ridiculous thing to say!!!!! You most certainly are doing something! You are ****ing about with a married man - that is what you are doing. Jesus! Stop it.





BeyondRepair007 said:


> It sounds like both the men in your life need to go.
> If your current guy is chatting up other women then he’s no good either.
> 
> Drop them both, find some ladies to talk and support you
> ...


It's hard with my current partner I can't. But will see how things go. But he doesn't mean my life stops because of his bs.

What I keep thinking about when it comes to my male friend is him showing up at my work. I worry because I am going to be working some weekend days. He does go past I think just to see if I am there..he will walk in and walk out.. That bit is creepy and don't tell him when I work.
It was just so weird how I walked out of work he was just there. We just started walking and talking out the centre. We spoke like 15-20 and then I left. 
I honestly just want to avoid him now. But it's him just coming to my work that's bothering me.
I am probably giving him mixed signals too. I will have to say something.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Quickest way to get rid of him is tell his wife and/or your current partner about him! Watch how fast he disappears.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> Quickest way to get rid of him is tell his wife and/or your current partner about him! Watch how fast he disappears.


My partner knows about him. He actually grabbed my phone to look at our conversation. Just laughed at me.
Because I had gone my current partner phone saw things that I should not have seen. Caught him so he trying to be clever. 
That's a whole other issue but anyway he didn't really care knows he a friend. The only thing he said be careful of his wife. 
But it was very rich coming from him with what he was doing.
I would not go break a marriage up. I been there done that and got my fingers burnt for doing the right thing. I swore I wouldn't again and even though it's a little bit of emotional affair and the turning up bad. We having done anything physical. His wife might know that something or someone on his mind.
He is with her so I believe he does love his wife. Maybe he thought the what if me and her got together. 
I think he stopped contacting for a long time now. It just me that stupidly would inbox him hi how are you. I guess I did that because he was always checking on me. That wasn't good though.
But from yesterday decided let him be. Got bigger issues right now. 
My current situation just a one big mess.
Thanks for all the advice given.
I won't be responding until weekends.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

I suppose I checked on him because he would always take time out to see if I am okay. So just use to do it back to show my appreciation. But at same time it wasn't good. I got myself emotionally attached.
I fed into we are friends line. 
Thanks all for your advice
To the guy who responded you really helped me see a lot too.
It's not worth the headache.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I suppose I checked on him because he would always take time out to see if I am okay. So just use to do it back to show my appreciation. But at same time it wasn't good. I got myself emotionally attached.
> I fed into we are friends line.
> Thanks all for your advice
> To the guy who responded you really helped me see a lot too.
> It's not worth the headache.


While you are backing away and detaching from your ‘stalker guy’ you really should consider the bad relationship you’re in now.

Men you love you wouldn’t treat you this way. They wouldn’t talk to other women and they would care a LOT if you were talking to another man.

I really hope you can get away from the married guy, but also please consider finding someone who will love and respect you. You will be much happier for it.

I‘m really glad you have come to the right decision. Best of luck to you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So your husband is OK with you carrying on with this guy because he himself is cheating, and your OM/Boyfriend wants you to have a threesome including his wife. But the good news is you haven't done anything because you once had your fingers burnt.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> While you are backing away and detaching from your ‘stalker guy’ you really should consider the bad relationship you’re in now.
> 
> Men you love you wouldn’t treat you this way. They wouldn’t talk to other women and they would care a LOT if you were talking to another man.
> 
> ...


I have been thinking that I can't do this with my current partner. 
I have wrote another post regarding my current which is way is a big mess more than this married guy situation. 
Thanks for your advice


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah, don't think like _"I know two terrible men, which one shall I choose?"_


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, don't think like _"I know two terrible men, which one shall I choose?"_


I love my current partner why I went to him. 
This male friend not really my type too.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I love my current partner why I went to him.
> This male friend not really my type too.


You might love your current partner, but it seems clear from your other thread that he is not good for you or treating you right.


----------



## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You might love your current partner, but it seems clear from your other thread that he is not good for you or treating you right.
> [/QUOTE
> This the reason I kept running to this male friend and think he realized that too.
> I haven't heard from this guy so it's been good.
> ...


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> This the reason I kept running to this male friend and think he realized that too.
> I haven't heard from this guy so it's been good.
> I am sure he just waiting for me to split with my partner.
> I done honestly with him and partner situation. I can't take no more want peace.


Wonderful! I think this is absolutely the best thing for you.
Next get some girlfriends you can talk too or start going to a counselor.

You really should talk to real people (girls) about your life, people you can trust.
And in the end, I hope you find true happiness and not this mess that is happening now.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Wonderful! I think this is absolutely the best thing for you.
> Next get some girlfriends you can talk too or start going to a counselor.
> 
> You really should talk to real people (girls) about your life, people you can trust.
> And in the end, I hope you find true happiness and not this mess that is happening now.


I was doing so well but did something very stupid yesterday. The more I try to just move on something dragging me back to him. It's like sadly I feel like he an option but also apart of the past that I need to let go of. It's like he a safety net if my current relationship fails why because he was the only one who was there. I feel I am using him like a toy. He has his own life and need to leave him be. Last night I just couldn't stop thinking of him and I do miss our conversations. I keep saying to myself you don't fancy him. You don't actually want him. Tried to remember what he did in the past what he did by lying about his situation. 
My current relationship is fine at the moment. It's like letting go of this male friend is letting go of the past. I don't know he just there in my head. I do want to scream. 
I know I might get stick for this but it's so complicated why he in my head and my current relationship got me completely scrambled.
Then I feel guilty he has a situation then I think we are friends. I am fine one minute then then next I am having crazy thoughts saying to myself no no that won't happen. I know I definitely got myself so emotionally attached to him because he just always been there. That conversation pops up in my head too.
I actually miss talking to him and I know it's not right for me to think of him especially feeling like he my escape. I just hope in coming weeks I just manage to move on and leave him be. I might need to say something to him. It's crazy that when some of my past lovers cut me off I was sad. But I know it was for the best. I feel he just needs to cut me off but with him he won't. 
Sorry to ramble hopefully one day my mind will be at peace.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Wonderful! I think this is absolutely the best thing for you.
> Next get some girlfriends you can talk too or start going to a counselor.
> 
> You really should talk to real people (girls) about your life, people you can trust.
> And in the end, I hope you find true happiness and not this mess that is happening now.


I don't really say anything to my friends I can't. I am very private about my current relationship if I do it's not like everything. This male friend they all would tell me off but some maybe happy my relationship falling apart. Hoping some therapy will help me.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ginger2 said:


> It's like sadly I feel like he an option but also apart of the past that I need to let go of. It's like he a safety net if my current relationship fails why because he was the only one who was there.


He is NOT an option. HE IS MARRIED. You really need to let that sink in. He cannot be your safety net or plan b, nor should you even have one. 

You cannot let him go because you are having an emotional affair. You seem to think it's not as bad as a physical affair, but it is. 

You need to block him on everything. Send him a text stating you do not want any more contact with him, then don't wait for a response. Immediately block and delete his number, block him on social media, etc. If he shows up at your work, call the cops. See how much his wife enjoys that. 

You claim you don't want to tell his wife because you don't want to be burned or whatever. No, you just want to keep your plan B intact. Stop it. 

You have cheated once, now you're doing it again with your fiance. It doesn't matter that he's a ****, it doesn't mean you have to be one as well. Stop minimizing your relationship AND your actions.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I was doing so well but did something very stupid yesterday. The more I try to just move on something dragging me back to him. It's like sadly I feel like he an option but also apart of the past that I need to let go of. It's like he a safety net if my current relationship fails why because he was the only one who was there. I feel I am using him like a toy. He has his own life and need to leave him be. Last night I just couldn't stop thinking of him and I do miss our conversations. I keep saying to myself you don't fancy him. You don't actually want him. Tried to remember what he did in the past what he did by lying about his situation.
> My current relationship is fine at the moment. It's like letting go of this male friend is letting go of the past. I don't know he just there in my head. I do want to scream.
> I know I might get stick for this but it's so complicated why he in my head and my current relationship got me completely scrambled.
> Then I feel guilty he has a situation then I think we are friends. I am fine one minute then then next I am having crazy thoughts saying to myself no no that won't happen. I know I definitely got myself so emotionally attached to him because he just always been there. That conversation pops up in my head too.
> ...


@bobert is exactly right @Ginger2

You’re going to keep finding yourself here after doing “stupid” things if you don't find the willpower to stop.
I know it’s hard, really I do. But there’s no choice. No choice at all. You're just going to hurt everyone around you including yourself.
What about his wife? Does she deserve this?
That man is no good for you, and he is NOT available.

Go ahead and scream. Scream all you want and get it out of your system. And then never go back to him.

In your current relationship, tell your partner what you are doing with the friend
I assume you are now having sex with your friend? Your fiancé will want to know this.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> He is NOT an option. HE IS MARRIED. You really need to let that sink in. He cannot be your safety net or plan b, nor should you even have one.
> 
> You cannot let him go because you are having an emotional affair. You seem to think it's not as bad as a physical affair, but it is.
> 
> ...


I agree with you on it all.

I actually thought that myself and that I should delete him on everything. 

I know from my part it might be like I am totally into him. But for me I don't think so. It's just so many unsaid things. I have rehearsed the conversation in my head loads of times an yet that day was the chance to let exactly everything out. Maybe now he would of blocked me or we both would of unfriended each other. I would of known his side.
I don't think I mentioned this before but he saw me with my current partner and said he couldn't say hi. I said you could have he not the jealous type. I then convinced myself well we friends my guy got lots female friends. But now I suspect he had enough chasing me and stopped and said let me leave her. I suppose I am not use to that. 
Like you said he is Married and I believe he focused on that.
When you have a conversation on some social sites. You can press like on a comment and stupidly I unclicked the like and re clicked it. Then he saw and said are you okay and I said yes sorry. He replied why are you sorry. I haven't responded. I feel so bad and I think he might be working nights.
I really need to like you said block, delete but I can't. Not without me explaining it to him. 
I just want to know what he thinking because he knows this we are friends is crap. We are friends until I split from my partner and he makes a move. I don't get it all.
Even if I block, delete him he will come to my work. I can't have that either.
The best way maybe is if I focus on something else but ignoring this only going to get worse. I have tried but out of the blue he would message. I think blocking childish. But he got to know the truth. 
Stupidly through our conversation I grew closer and started relying on him and then I backed off maybe have him mixed signal so he thought let me back off. 
I have known him since 2015 and it was my fault I did have my chance and turned him away. He got married and why now am I feeling this. I just so uncertain about current relationship and he is there..stupid because I won't ever go there. I won't chase him no more.
I am kind of annoyed with myself now.
Thanks for advice


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ginger2 said:


> I agree with you on it all.
> 
> I actually thought that myself and that I should delete him on everything.
> 
> ...


You are making excuses. Stop it. 

Block him. It is NOT childish. What you are doing right now is childish. Blocking him to stop cheating is NOT childish. 

Like I said, send him a simple no-contact text. Then block him. 

If things are unsaid, then write them down in a letter. Then burn it. 

If he shows up at your work, call the cops.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

bobert said:


> You are making excuses. Stop it.
> 
> Block him. It is NOT childish. What you are doing right now is childish. Blocking him to stop cheating is NOT childish.
> 
> ...


Again... @bobert is telling you exactly the truth @Ginger2 
You can do this if you want to.
It doesn't seem like you want too.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> You are making excuses. Stop it.
> 
> Block him. It is NOT childish. What you are doing right now is childish. Blocking him to stop cheating is NOT childish.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't go that far but think a talk is needed..he will understand why I had to lock him off. I did this for a long time before he was like a bad penny showing up places..I can block him, delete him and he still me..talking to him is what I need to do. Gradually he get will get the message.
I think he has let go. I just need to not contact him.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ginger2 said:


> I wouldn't go that far but think a talk is needed..he will understand why I had to lock him off. I did this for a long time before he was like a bad penny showing up places..I can block him, delete him and he still me..talking to him is what I need to do. Gradually he get will get the message.
> I think he has let go. I just need to not contact him.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Again... @bobert is telling you exactly the truth @Ginger2
> You can do this if you want to.
> It doesn't seem like you want too.


It will happen just need my situation to fix up. I wouldn't be like this if certain things were right. I can't do the small talk with him. 
I just need to tell him we can't do this no more. 
He got his situation and I have mine. You know it's funny we crossed the line emotionally. And yet these guys I created this soul tie I have no feeling nothing emotionally nothing for them. Him it's the what if that's the problem. 
You all are right. Hopefully I won't be back again.
Thanks


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ginger2 said:


> It will happen just need my situation to fix up. I wouldn't be like this if certain things were right. I can't do the small talk with him.
> I just need to tell him we can't do this no more.
> He got his situation and I have mine. You know it's funny we crossed the line emotionally. And yet these guys I created this soul tie I have no feeling nothing emotionally nothing for them. Him it's the what if that's the problem.
> You all are right. Hopefully I won't be back again.
> Thanks


You keep saying like oh we were never physical. 
You are having an Emotional Affair with a married man. 

This will cause his relationship to suffer and yours as well. 

Your guy has lots of girl friends will dump him if that's not something that is acceptable to you. You don't have to accept it. I would not accept it. Beside you obviously aren't that into him if you are constantly pining over the what if. He deserve someone into him as well.

There are many marriages that have no opposite friend rules and others that let you **** whoever you want in the marriage even being married to more than one person.

How your relationship works is up to only two people you and the person you are in a relationship with. Figure out what you want and can tolerate. Have conversations with the person with whom you are actually involved. If your values don't line up is some kind of manner than the relationship is doomed anyway. No need to stretch it out.

NONE of that should have anything to do with some married man who is holding onto his wife and his ex-wanna be. He's looking to cheat or monkey branch. Or he's also involved in an emotional affair but make no mistake he wants it to be a physical affair. That doesn't mean he'd leave his wife.

Get rid of both of them. Work on figuring out what you actually want in a relationship. Do some self reflection on your obsessive need to have men in your life. After you are ok with just yourself then look to add a man who is within your moral center including having or not having opposite sex friends.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

he is married. you are not.
do you really want to marry a person who would cheat on their wife?

stay away. find a single guy


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> You keep saying like oh we were never physical.
> You are having an Emotional Affair with a married man.
> 
> This will cause his relationship to suffer and yours as well.
> ...





Talker67 said:


> he is married. you are not.
> do you really want to marry a person who would cheat on their wife?
> 
> stay away. find a single guy


Who said I actually wanted to be with him. I just developed an attachment based on my issues with current partner.
I know why I posted that yesterday was because I am working this morning and he may show up. I have restricted what he sees on where we chat mostly.
I am taking a small step but that won't stop him from seeing me at my work place.
Anyway thanks for advice.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> You keep saying like oh we were never physical.
> You are having an Emotional Affair with a married man.
> 
> This will cause his relationship to suffer and yours as well.
> ...


I can't get rid of my current it's a bit more complicated. It's not that easy and people normalizing how easy it is to get out of marriage is wrong. It depends on situation.

I have deleted his number off my phone and logged out of the site.
I need to heal from this last door of the past.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Ginger2 said:


> It's not that easy and people normalizing how easy it is to get out of marriage is wrong.


Whose marriage are you referring to? You're not married. He is. Why would we want to get out of marriage?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Ginger2 said:


> Who said I actually wanted to be with him. I just developed an attachment based on my issues with current partner.
> I know why I posted that yesterday was because I am working this morning and he may show up. I have restricted what he sees on where we chat mostly.
> I am taking a small step but that won't stop him from seeing me at my work place.
> Anyway thanks for advice.


Sorry.
i guess i figured that a small step might lead to a huge leap.

can you form a friendship with a man without it becoming sexual?
in other words, you never even fantasizing about sex with him?

If so, fine. go for it.

I fear that you will, eventually, start thinking of him in a sexual way. and guys can sense that, and it will start to turn him on....and he will start flirting with you. and that flirting might seduce you into flirting back with him. And at that point, you are both playing with dynamite!

Does he have an unmarried brother you could meet?


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> Sorry.
> i guess i figured that a small step might lead to a huge leap.
> 
> can you form a friendship with a man without it becoming sexual?
> ...


It's stopped now so don't matter. I finally closed the door on him and the past.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Sfort said:


> Whose marriage are you referring to? You're not married. He is. Why would we want to get out of marriage?


I am married too. Well not legally that doesn't matter still in committed relationship.
It's gone now it the past closed the door.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> It's stopped now so don't matter. I finally closed the door on him and the past.


Did you close the door? Good for you!
How did you do that? Are you able to keep it closed?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I am married too. Well not legally that doesn't matter still in committed relationship.
> It's gone now it the past closed the door.


Your current relationship, remind me but I think you said he is not really good to you, dates other women, things like that, right? Is that still going on?

I thought before that you should end that relationship as well but has anything changed?


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Did you close the door? Good for you!
> How did you do that? Are you able to keep it closed?


I decided it is best I move on from him. I deleted his contact and restricted him on an account. But like I said it won't make a difference what I do he will turn up at my work. He been there 3 times. 
One time he brought his child in and then he walked in and out nodded hello while I was serving and last time he was outside. Just when I finished. 
There will be no communication over social media. Which our conversations had become less and less and fizzled out. 
It's probably about time I closed that door.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I decided it is best I move on from him. I deleted his contact and restricted him on an account. But like I said it won't make a difference what I do he will turn up at my work. He been there 3 times.
> One time he brought his child in and then he walked in and out nodded hello while I was serving and last time he was outside. Just when I finished.
> There will be no communication over social media. Which our conversations had become less and less and fizzled out.
> It's probably about time I closed that door.


Yes, close that door as well.
As far as him coming to your work, you can call the police. Your workplace may help you through this by charging him with trespassing (I have no idea…not a lawyer) so maybe contact your HR dept.

Also…tell his wife. You probably will never see him again. And honestly, she deserves to know who she is married too.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Your current relationship, remind me but I think you said he is not really good to you, dates other women, things like that, right? Is that still going on?
> 
> I thought before that you should end that relationship as well but has anything changed?


My current relationship my guy had his moments and we are okay now. I have got a different kind of stress with him.In a strange way my partner is drawing closer to me. 
I am just going to keep trying to make my current relationship work.
It's not like I haven't been in a long term relationship before and then gone single because I have. So already know how to be alone. Just will see what happens with my current partner and really forget the male friend. Leave him be but somehow we meet somewhere then I might have to say something especially if he ask why I don't talk to him no more.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Yes, close that door as well.
> As far as him coming to your work, you can call the police. Your workplace may help you through this by charging him with trespassing (I have no idea…not a lawyer) so maybe contact your HR dept.
> 
> Also…tell his wife. You probably will never see him again. And honestly, she deserves to know who she is married too.


You go to the wife and these days some women blame the other woman.. it's the guy so rather not say.
She will find out herself what he is like.

If he does keep showing up at my work and it does become more of a problem I will. But glad today walked out he wasn't there. I just rather forget him now focus on moving forward..


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> You go to the wife and these days some women blame the other woman.. it's the guy so rather not say.
> She will find out herself what he is like.
> 
> If he does keep showing up at my work and it does become more of a problem I will. But glad today walked out he wasn't there. I just rather forget him now focus on moving forward..


Yea, move forward for sure. Get him out of your head & life.

Still…tell the other woman.
First, who cares if she blames you?
Second, just telling her at all will probably cause her to keep a tight reign on hubby, which is what you want.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Yea, move forward for sure. Get him out of your head & life.
> 
> Still…tell the other woman.
> First, who cares if she blames you?
> Second, just telling her at all will probably cause her to keep a tight reign on hubby, which is what you want.


I am totally done with this male friend. 

Just to let you know I had a big argument with my current partner. Which led us to nearly be over. He was about to walk out but we really opened up to each other. He told me something about him talking to this female friend. So I opened up about the male friend and told him everything. He wasn't annoyed he just said he wants you. 
We really did get a lot out. I realized I got him wrong. I think after that day we even had a couple more talks. He is definitely opening up to me and I am too him.
Now we seem to be on the same page. Things are a lot better now.
Thank you for all the advice


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> I am totally done with this male friend.
> 
> Just to let you know I had a big argument with my current partner. Which led us to nearly be over. He was about to walk out but we really opened up to each other. He told me something about him talking to this female friend. So I opened up about the male friend and told him everything. He wasn't annoyed he just said he wants you.
> We really did get a lot out. I realized I got him wrong. I think after that day we even had a couple more talks. He is definitely opening up to me and I am too him.
> ...


H Ginger, I’m glad you cleared the air with your husband, and this other guy is out of your life.

Is there still a danger of him showing up at work or did you solve that?
What did you mean when you said “I got him wrong” about your current partner?

I‘m glad you two are opening up and coming to terms. I would suggest couples counseling for you to help settle this mess. It’s much better to have a professional third party give you their thoughts about the right way forward in your situation. Both you and he found yourselves chasing someone else, and that issue won’t go away quietly (as you noticed with your friend). Maybe try some CC to help ensure a happier future with BF.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> H Ginger, I’m glad you cleared the air with your husband, and this other guy is out of your life.
> 
> Is there still a danger of him showing up at work or did you solve that?
> What did you mean when you said “I got him wrong” about your current partner?
> ...


This other guy could turn up at my work. But I have take leave from work for my health. I suppose all this was not helping. 

My husband really opened up about stuff. I can be insecure about female friends of his that go to church. This one he told me they liked each other and she wanted to marry him but then her family wanted her to marry someone else. I am a jealous person not going to lie but I am also not stupid. So he told me they spoken on the phone. He told how uncomfortable I felt towards them too. He said she wanted to reach out to me but he said not because of how I felt about them too. He said that is all in the past apparently she was coming to him with her own problems. I told him she still likes you etc. 
Then I said seeing as your being honest told him about this guy and he said he wants you.
Apart from that we got a lot of our chest and then we have had a couple more discussions where I really opened up about stuff to him. 
He opened up to me more than he ever has.
Since then it feels like I have started a new relationship feel weird. 
My son would just come home sit on his phone. Typical teenager and my husband would say tell me if you want to go out. Like if you want to go play football. This is another weird my son been asking him to go park. So it seems things are definitely better. I do feel weird about the other guy because I finally closed that door to the past. I have bad anxiety so seeking therapy. 
If we get into a bad situation then we probably will end buy trying to be positive.


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

Update

I had blocked this male friend on a social media site. I blocked him finally.

It has been strange but I know now cutting him off was for the best.

Today I went to work and was so worried he would be there after work standing outside. But so glad my partner and my son came.

As we were leaving the centre we were going out and he was coming in with his wife and son. He looked straight at me and I looked straight at him it was very awkward. 

I feel like not only have I set myself free from him but from my past. 
Thanks all for advice.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ginger2 said:


> Update
> 
> I had blocked this male friend on a social media site. I blocked him finally.
> 
> ...


Finally! Good for you! Get that guy out of your life.
I’m glad your partner and son are able to be there with you. You should have them meet you more often after work just in case!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are needy, and needing this attention.

There is letting go, and being, let go.

You have experienced neither.

You are being handled, and you are willingly, still loosely handling.

May this dilemma safely disengage, and pass.

For your sake.

..........................................

Fate frees us on its timeline, not on ours.



_King Brian-_


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## Ginger2 (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Finally! Good for you! Get that guy out of your life.
> I’m glad your partner and son are able to be there with you. You should have them meet you more often after work just in case!


I just wrote a post but wasn't logged in

I did unblock the male friend. 

We had a face to face talk and I asked him if the still wanted to sleep with me he like I flirt but we are friends. I didn't say how I felt about him I couldn't but said I felt closer to him.

We hardly talk now and if we do we ask about each other families. Things have changed and he seems genuinely happy with his marriage. We talk about our boys but he also stopped the joking with me like before.
Certain comments he does say no more too. 

I was very insecure but I am expecting put on my other thread now. So he knows and he happy for me. But so much has changed.
Probably end of an era now and start of new one.

It was my mistake I missed the boat years ago. Should of dated him before he got married but there's a reason why it didn't happen. Just have to forget all that now.


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