# orgasm and vibrator



## baseballmike35t (Oct 4, 2008)

Hi all

I am Mike and I am 35 and married for 8 years to a wonderful woman. Were both Christians and my wife was a virgin when we got married. This is tough for me but I really need other woman's thought on the below. 

It's been 8 years and I don't think my wife has had a orgasm. Sometimes she can be sexual other times she just wants to make love. I understand after reading everything about orgasms that a woman needs about 20 minutes to even come close to orgasms. 

When we make love, I do my best to extend foreplay but she wants me ASAP, sometimes without me even touching her.

we went away a few weeks ago without the kids, 2 boys and 1 daughter alone for a weekend so I purchased a vibrator to spice things up. 

We did have a few drinks that night and I explained that I had a surprise and to make a long story short, I tried to use the vibrator on her.

I went down while I played because it was a turnon for myself just watching but it didn't seem she enjoyed it ( this is after we played with each otherm, I didn't rush down there )

But what gives, I thought this would be the night that she would finally have a orgasm. She tells me that it's more my toy than hers. I just don't get it. I make jokes " don't let me catch you using this alone" but it doesn't fade her. I asked her how did it feel and she said it was ok. 

Someone help because more and more I am thinking she just doesn't like sex


Husband


----------



## Sabine (Sep 25, 2008)

whats the problem? she dont have any but you do ahve one big..
what about asking HER f hse ahs orgasm instead of assuming things about her and her sexuality out of what you read about OTHERS.
sexuality and orgasm is very individual so oyu cant just assume stuff unless oyu tlak nor come with toj like that

speak with oyur wife isntead about her sex life and oyurs. if you are satisfied with it why do you ask your wife to be disatisfied with her sexlife so that you cna come playing hero and "fix it"?..
never thought of seeing it that way?
LEAVE HER TH EEHLL ALONE AND IF YOU AREUNSURE THEN ASK HER IF SHE IS SATIRSFIED AND IF SHE HAD ORGASMES..
how long it goes before someoen get an orgasme change frm peole to people if she wants you in thats cause thats whatshe like an di dont know any women that like to get a dildo in bty their man cause they rather have the real thing and what you do is dead borring..
really..
why use a dildo when youa re there? and its kind of humiliating for uher of being used like that ofr your dildo thing.
drop all that and jsut talk with her to be sure and basicaly have a good tiem with yoru wife when making love as always.
For me to see you both have a very healthy sexlife so why make it unhealthy..


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Do you give oral and use the vibrator switching on and off? Charlie is better, I think, when doing this. Also, on the side down there use one finger and move it around in a small circle moton. Aslo can use the new stuff they came out with. It is the one for her and one for him to use down there. When it hits each other, they say it is really good. I havn't used that one, but by what I see on tv, it will making a dead woman scream.:rofl:

I can't get too into sex talk on here, they do have their rules.


----------



## Sabine (Sep 25, 2008)

you watrch it on tv? i thought you were agiasnt porn but you speak that way on day and when night fall all you look at ansd talk about is porn.. thats weird.
i wonder why you gave that kind of advice to this guy who wasnt asking for it at all.


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

It isn't porn, hun. It's and add to buy stuff on tv. Here is what I am talking about..


----------



## TheLoveGuru's (Sep 29, 2008)

Hi Mike.  

Thanks for trusting in us and sharing.  

Ok, your wife may just feel as if what she is doing is wrong. Being a Christian, there may be some things she feels strange about. The vibrator may not be the only thing, it may be sex period. 

How does she respond when you ask her about it? 

A lot of women can not orgasm with intercourse alone. Try to stimulate her clitoris, while the two of you are having intercourse. You can do this with her on top, (Tell her that you love her while you are doing this. She may feel a bit akward, if you havent done this in the past) as well as behind her. Watch her reactions. 

Also, when she doesn't need foreplay, feel to see how lubricated she is. If she is lubricated, then you have nothing to worry about. If she is not, then you will have a better understanding of where she is at on this. Take that moment to stimulate her. Just use your fingers. 

If you have any other questions and would prefer, you can post here or PM. 

Tita & Tibu


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Move your finger in small circle motion on either side to try to find the side that will respond to it more. When you find her jumping a little..work on that spot more. You may have to move your finger a little up and down the side of it, but their is a nerve there, and if you hit it just right, her body will jump a little. then you work on that spot more. You know..it is hard to tell others what they should do. May not work for all people. French kiss the ear, is a good turn on too.


----------



## Sabine (Sep 25, 2008)

Honey said:


> Move your finger in small circle motion on either side to try to find the side that will respond to it more. When you find her jumping a little..work on that spot more. You may have to move your finger a little up and down the side of it, but their is a nerve there, and if you hit it just right, her body will jump a little. then you work on that spot more. You know..it is hard to tell others what they should do. May not work for all people. French kiss the ear, is a good turn on too.



that woman got no sex problem that the guy who imagine she ahs one and he wasnt asking for sex advices but for how he could ask her what is wrong.. but she never said she wasnt interested in having sex and they have no sex problem its him who imagine it because of what he read here that women need 20 minutes to reach orgasm which is faulse, amny can reach it in 3 minutes.
that she reach it before is a very good signal that she got no problem what so ever.
the guy is just imaginign there is one based on what he read soem other sayign about opther women.. so the best he can do is to ask her first and if she has no problem why trying to fix it?

what i see here is some pepe trying to show what they can in something they cant much about..or they wil ahve interested themselves for what the problem actrualy was which they didnt.


----------



## Sabine (Sep 25, 2008)

dont tell her you lvoe ehr all that is so worng unless oyu feel sonmethign dont do it and thats it.
all that is so mechanical what abotu oyur feelings?
only do what oyu feel she want and what you feel you want listen to your heart and to hers instead of listenign to all what you read from others and advices about technical things.
its more important to show love while making love than anything else. its not a competition for god sake!
Gee how oyu men are imaginign things.
Mike, talk with her about oyur insecurities and tell ehr that you would liek to know if she enjoy having sex but stop to wory her like that youa re goign to scare her into thinking that its oyu who isnt satisfied with yoru sex life with her and that oyu want more and that she isnt enough and makign her stressed under the act and nothign will ahppen. of course she wasnt goign to appreciate what oyu did i am sutre that all oyur body language was unveilign you all the time.
You are unsecure not her.
8 years of marriage you never bought abook about sexlife and how to satisfy hwer and about women orgasms? and please ask professional instead of thinking that waht one woman experience is a universla rule for all the others..
TALK TO HER period.
but begin talkign with yourself as for why you begin thinking like that at all and what made oyu think there was a problem.
is the problem not with you instead?
other men will apy high prioce ot have a wife who like it as oyur wife does.
she like penetration and got orgasm by it.
soem are clitoridians and others are vaginal, oyur wife si normal vaginal.
waht are oyu asking more?
most lesbian are clitoridians..
and get nothing from penetration same for married women who are only clitoridian they never get orgasm that way.. need to finsih themselves or get the man to do so after the act.. real funny..

If you do tantra the orgasm is 3 hours..
so you cant compare jsut like that.
the question is not how ong it is to coem cause the shortest the best for all, but how long it last. if you can make it last longer then the better.

I have one question. Why did you mentioned at all that you are christian? what has this to do with your sexlife and yoru wifes orgasms?
Do you in anyway feel that your relogious beleives imped in your sexlife?
does it give you guilt trip?

or do oyu mean by that that you dont know much about it cause wasnt brought up htat way?
in that case hit the book store or library and begin there.
there is many books on the subject and it change with time so start with the laterst ones at the library to get an idea on the subject first, then buy some who are good, if you wish to improve how oyu make love.
But a good idea will be ot talk the amtters with oyur wife cause if she dont feel as you do why shoudl she too go into your trip?
If after the conversation you found out that she agree too, then perfect stude the books together and exchange comments on what you read with questiosn and all.. get more open on the subject.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Hey Mike...

I'll give it a shot...

Not all women are "verbal" when it comes to orgasms, she may be very quiet...My wife is very verbal, But she had to "turn it off' or bite her lip when people were around, or our children were still awake. Etc,

She may "keep it in" worrying what you might think, Other people hearing, etc.

My wife has a vibrator, but she likes the massagers better, Like the Hitachi Magic wand, the vibrators that go inside, she does not like, she says they feel weird, She likes to use her magic wand when I am not around, she feels weird to use it if I am around or in the house, she prefers the house empty.

Women reach orgasm at different times, My wife is in about 5 seconds and multiple ( main reason I married her  ) But I had girlfriends in the past that needed time, I even dated a Nympho and she was normally quiet, but LOVED it. 

I would sit down and have a talk with your wife, or a e-mail exchange and find out what turns her on what is her wildest fantasies. Allot of women are afraid to tell their husbands their fantasies, My wife can't but she can point me towards Pent house letter stories they have books in the Bookstore of just letters...good stuff.

Basically talk to her, see what she likes and doesn't. Be willing to try new things, like Karma sutra. 

A good start, is to romance her, My wife loves it when I get rid of the kids and I ahve a nice dinner for her,a nd then the bedroom has Candles everywhere, Rose peddles everywhere, I make a warm bath and pretend I am her Servant, and I wash her back and tend to her needs while she sips a glass of wine relaxing in the Tub, with the candles, and listening to romantic music.


thre are amny ways to a woman's heart, but you need to communicate with her, and find out what her desires are. Have some fun with it.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Communication is a key to her having an orgasm. Don't think you know it all. Let her take your hand and guide you to where SHE needs it to be. Same with any toys. The thing is some vibrators and some woman just don't mix. Like a car you have to get the right fit.

draconis


----------



## clara (Oct 7, 2008)

Have you asked her if she wants to have an orgasm? I know this sounds dumb, but maybe she is holding back for some reason and you need to talk about it before you just go for it. I know it is important for a man to feel like he is giving his wife the best pleasure possible, but I don't think it is always necessary for a women.


----------



## Mrs B (Sep 29, 2008)

What type of Orgasm are you trying to give her?

Clitoral or vaginal? If it's vaginal then I have to tell ya, you could be trying for YEARS. New research even suggest that not all women have a G spot, just some. 

The best way for a woman to learn to orgasm is through masturbation. If she knows how to make herself cum then she can help you. 

It could be emotional. Maybe she feels there is too much pressure and then tenses up. Either way, you need to talk to her openly about this.


----------



## Hurting08 (Oct 9, 2008)

I have been with my wife for 13 years, and she literally had her first (and second) yesterday. It's not for lack of trying because she's been close so many times, she's just always had a hard time getting over the top. I think she always relied on me to get he job done for her, and I don't think she's ever taken matters into her own hands (at least not that she admits it). I have been in your shoes for so long wondering what I was doing wrong, and feeling guilty that it hasn't happened to her after all these years.

About a month ago I bought the book "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. While much of it was review, it did give both of us a little more insight as to what I/we were not doing right or enough of. As it was suggested above, talk to her about what she is really feeling, then I strongly suggest reading the book by yourself or together.

With her new found discovery, I have a feeling tonight will be busy too.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

congrats Hurting, now get the job done my man!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Hurting08 (Oct 9, 2008)

Did again last night.

Now if I could just figure out how to fix the rest of the marriage...


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Mrs B said:


> What type of Orgasm are you trying to give her?
> 
> Clitoral or vaginal? If it's vaginal then I have to tell ya, you could be trying for YEARS. New research even suggest that not all women have a G spot, just some.
> 
> ...


They have a G spot. Some are more hard to find. 

She could use a pillow. 

Also, if you use your finger just right can do the trick too.
One finger in a small circle motion to either side. Then which ever side likes it the most..go for it ! 

Sorry..it is very hard for me to tell another how to make love, but I have learn to relax and give it my all.


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Hurting08 said:


> Did again last night.
> 
> Now if I could just figure out how to fix the rest of the marriage...


One step at a time. If you put your heart and soul into your marriage..it will work . Good luck !


----------



## fancy (Oct 17, 2008)

Is it easier to achieve orgasm with a vibrator? Many women claim that their vibrator is not only a handy orgasmic tool but also a sex toy that helped them experience the highest peak of pleasure with a partner.

================================================================
fancy

erucall


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

personally i find its not easier to orgasm with a vibrator. because its stil not the real thing. the real thing can be manipulated (I dont mean to make that sound painful for you men) reach places other beers cannot reach. catch my drift.
i achieve orgasm most times and from many ways, but this also comes from your partner and how well you connect in the bedroom.
vibrator is a handy tool, but it stil only comes out when the mood is for that experience. i.e "lets get some toys out tonight. hun"


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

fancy said:


> Is it easier to achieve orgasm with a vibrator? Many women claim that their vibrator is not only a handy orgasmic tool but also a sex toy that helped them experience the highest peak of pleasure with a partner.
> 
> ================================================================
> fancy
> ...


It depends on the person. I have read where the wife loves that thing better than the real thing. I guess size and how long really does matter. :rofl:

Who did you leave your husband for? Mr. Vib..and he can go all night long. :rofl:


----------

