# fell out of "attraction"



## brighteyes72 (Nov 16, 2008)

Hello everyone,
I just joined, some of the things I read here are sad. Some are encouraging. I have a problem that I want to see if you can help with.

I have been married for more than 10 years. My husband has always tended "big" but pretty athletic. However, over the past several years, he has put on significant weight, to the point where making love is no longer "sexy." He does not see himself as fat, but that's where he's at. 

We used to have an incredible sex life. Now I don't ever feel like having sex with him. He was in incredible shape about 7 years ago, but spent way to much time in the gym for me. I think he became addicted to excercise.

I want to be able to tell him that I want to get him in shape again and (blank) the hell out of him, but I fear that he will hear my words as criticism or rejection.

What can I do?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Has he seen a doctor lately for a physical? If he is over weight the physician will probably recommend he watch his diet. A concerned conversation with him that you are concerned about his health might be a good approach. I understand your concern about his appearance is not attractive to you. But if it concerns you then the two of you should have conversation about it. Pick your words carefully and hopefully he will understand and want to make some changes.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

if your not happy, all you can do is say how you feel.
if your situation was vice versa, would you not feel it to be criticism or rejection , then its what you do about it, if you want to change it.
face facts whatever you say and however nice you say it, its bound to touch a nerve.
but just keep talking to him.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Maybe get into shape with him, you can start with healthy meals, go out and do things that require lots of walking. Communication is important but it must be done tactfully.

draconis


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

brighteyes72 said:


> Hello everyone,
> I just joined, some of the things I read here are sad. Some are encouraging. I have a problem that I want to see if you can help with.
> 
> I have been married for more than 10 years. My husband has always tended "big" but pretty athletic. However, over the past several years, he has put on significant weight, to the point where making love is no longer "sexy." He does not see himself as fat, but that's where he's at.
> ...


Sounds exactly what I'm experiencing with my wife.

I'm the same as your hubbie. Put on weight and wife is not impressed.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

brighteyes72 said:


> We used to have an incredible sex life. Now I don't ever feel like having sex with him. He was in incredible shape about 7 years ago, but spent way to much time in the gym for me. I think he became addicted to excercise.


so why did he stop exercising? did you tell him he spent too much time in the gym? 

maybe you can talk to him and ask him why he stopped exercising and let him know that he doesnt look healthy anymore. i'm very blunt with my H in these matters. i think its the only way to go.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

That's it! My wife fell out of attraction with me, but I am still athletic and in good shape. I have been told by counselors and others that looks don't have anything to do with a woman being attracted to a man. Here is one in this post. I am just babbling. I hope your husband gets motivated to lose weight.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

My husband recently bought a cookbook called "Muscle Chow"...it has some good recipes (low fat based) and I've been making several of them for family dinners (kids like most of them too!)


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## brighteyes72 (Nov 16, 2008)

The crazy thing is he has lost some weight, but I still see him as "fat." I can't get over that. He has some loose skin, but it's not really fatty.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

> I have been told by counselors and others that looks don't have anything to do with a woman being attracted to a man.


That's not true. We're all human and physicality matters. It shouldn't be the only factor and you can still very much love someone no matter what they look like. But when it comes to sex, yes, it matters. Get yourself in better shape if you think it's a problem in your sex life (or if your wife thinks so).


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