# Help!!! Not sure what to believe anymore.....



## MLA66 (Oct 25, 2010)

Hello not sure where to begin but will make this as short and to the point as possible....I have been married for 20 yrs this month and for the most part a really great marriage but the beginning of 2008 noticed hubby fussing,complaining,starting arguments for no reason to the point where he would do it in front of friends and family but he is a Truck Driver so he is only home a few days a week I just chalked it up to him being frustrated and would vent on me both my boys and I had this saying "Hate to see him come but love to watch him leave" he would fuss at them about keeping their room clean needless to say it was always something now that I look back nothing seem to make him happy around here anymore.............Now jump forward to July 29,2008 My oldest son 17 passed away suddenly and this is also my birthday my hubby was in Texas we live in SC this was and still is the worst day of my life this tragedy didnt bring us closer it only made me realize what had been going on the whole time I discovered In April 2009 outragious amounts of calls and texts everyday all day when he should have been sleeping (cause he drives at night) I didn't have the time nor opportunity to get hard evidence because a friend of MINE told him I knew(she said she was afraid of what I might do due to me just loosing my son HOGWASH) between Apr-Nov he would swear he wasnt talking to her but I caught him still talking to her and he would say they are just friends he shouldnt have to stop when they arent doing anything wrong (at this time they are using a phone I dont have access too)so I text him from the computer acting like her he responded,and I sent a recorder in his bag twice and caught him........Well the end of Nov I was told it was stopped and then the 2nd week in Dec he admitted to kissing her twice and meeting her 4 times to talk but it never became sexual??? Oh and by the way this is his BOSS LADY!!!!!! I'm not convinced it has ended he just seems different 1 example for our 20th anniversary I didnt so much as get a card he says he loves me and when I got upset his reply is always he shouldnt have to buy my love ANY AND ALL ADVICE WOULD BE HELPFUL I CANT TAKE MUCH MORE!!!!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My wife and I had drifted far apart before my son passed away. At a time when we (and you and your husband) should have been leaning on each other, it drove us further apart.

You need marriage counseling and fast. If he won't go, you should go alone and let him know you are going to show how important you feel it is.

And individual counseling has helped me cope with the loss of my son and I would suggest the same for you.


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## MLA66 (Oct 25, 2010)

First of all I would like to say I am so sorry for your loss...and thank you for your response. I am in counseling and have been since I lost my son he will not go. And dealing with the cheating has just added insult to injury and I truely dont think it has stopped but not sure what to do to truely catch him because he is very careful now and he's a truck driver so its hard to keep up with his schedule.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife and I also lost a child early this year. There is no pain quite like it.
You and your husband need to get together and NOW. You two need each other more than ever. Talk to him, beg him to go to counseling, whatever it takes or I fear the you will not survive this loss as a couple.
If my wife and I were not extremely close and in tune with each other, we would not have made it.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately you probably have a cheater on your hands. And you should *believe* what your "gut" is telling you. Here's a very good website link for you at this point: Seven Steps To Ending An Affair? These folks are also participating on this forum a lot. It is sound advice.

Hang in there!


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## MLA66 (Oct 25, 2010)

Dan you are so correct there is noooo pain like the death of a child. I am and have always been the primary parent to my boys because he is a truck driver so I am really close to my children and I miss my baby so much.

Aug I read the steps you refered me too and I have done all except #7. 

1.I do believe he has went underground with it(secret cellphone etc..)
2.His friends are not mine friends used to be but not anymore because they kept his secret and even aided him as far as too have people let him know where I was,when I left work etc so he would know where I was at all times.
3.His parents know what happened refused to believe in the beginning but he fessed up to only kissing her and they beleive him and thinks its over and his dad is totally on his side not so sure about mom but I know they are hiding money for him and who knows what else because My Son passed away in their home so I havent been back in there so its his own private hiding spot and they just live up the street from us.
4.As far as contact with the OW she is his Boss at Work and he refuses to quit.
5.I have contacted her husband twice 1st time I sent him a month of phone records and text records and he had an excuse for everything said he heard alot of the phone calls she was having to calm my husband down (dealing with the death of our son)mind you he wont talk to me about it he tells me to shut up he doesnt want to discuss it.2nd time was after my husband finally confessed to kissing her twice so I called him and he threatened a restraining order said my husband could be lying to me and then he wanted to talk with my hubby so I gave him the number and here is the kicker...........Hubby calls after talking to him said he to her husband that everything I told him was true and he never got mad never said a bad word and wished my husband good luck with me...

The OW will not talk to me at all and I personally think my hubby and her played all the cards right and has made me out to be a crazy women due to loosing my son This women is soo bold she actually sat at my sons recieving of friends the entire time and we were there a long time due to the amount of people but never once did she say anything to me and this was before I knew cant say for sure if she talked with hubby alot is a blur

I could seriously go on and on at the mess I have put up with since actually finding the phone records in April 2008 it is truely something you would only see on Lifetime now I am trying not to act suspious so I can get proof but not sure how to get it because they are really sneaky people it just blows my mind at the Inconsiderate, Selfish, Self-Centered People out there.


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