# Your take on open marriages...swinging, wife sharing, etc



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.

Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.

I know very few couples are into it but still has some allure to it even though I personally won't ever get to do it.

What's your opinion?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I won't even share pizza.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think it's weird and icky that you started this thread, given that your wife isn't interested in this.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you want to have a girlfriend then don’t get married.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

To me, marriage is between 2 people and should never include anyone else. I have never met a couple who do this, and I think it's very rare thankfully. Don't see the point in getting married if you aren't going to be faithful.
Just be grateful that you have a wife who doesn't want to commit adultery. You need to stop thinking about it as well, and I hope you have never suggested it to her as she would probably be very hurt. Keep your focus on your wife and no one else. 

I suspect that for most couples it would be a disaster sooner or later.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

I think if your wife isn't into it, there's no point for this post. You're just allowing your imagination to run wild, and will be disappointed. So, I suggest if you're not doing it, down even bother opening the door, lol.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

FloridaGuy, there may be a guy or two in your neighborhood or perhaps a friend that would enjoy doing your wife. If this is something you'd want to watch or participate in, let the candidates know up front. (especially if you want male to male contact. Of course that's going to narrow your list of candidates) Good luck and be careful.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> FloridaGuy, there may be a guy or two in your neighborhood or perhaps a friend that would enjoy doing your wife. If this is something you'd want to watch or participate in, let the candidates know up front. (especially if you want male to male contact. Of course that's going to narrow your list of candidates) Good luck and be careful.


His wife isnt interested.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

VladDracul said:


> FloridaGuy, there may be a guy or two in your neighborhood or perhaps a friend that would enjoy doing your wife. If this is something you'd want to watch or participate in, let the candidates know up front. (especially if you want male to male contact. Of course that's going to narrow your list of candidates) Good luck and be careful.


OP said his wife ISN'T interested in this, so why are you encouraging him to approach a neighbor about doing his wife??? Seems disrespectful to me.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


There are only a few of us on this whole site that have any real experience with swinging and many of the people here are very opposed to any kind of nonmonogamy at all. 

........ and you know that. 

So what is your real question here?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

It's repulsive. That's my opinion.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

I really hope your wife never stumbles across this thread in your history. Its disgusting you'd specifically look into wife sharing when you know she is not interested. Id feel so upset if I read that my husband would be cool with some other man screwing me. Its pretty normal to not want outsiders integrated into your marriage. Buy a sex toy and stop fantasizing about sticking your penis in other women.

Gross.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

moulinyx said:


> I really hope your wife never stumbles across this thread in your history. Its disgusting you'd specifically look into wife sharing when you know she is not interested. Id feel so upset if I read that my husband would be cool with some other man screwing me. Its pretty normal to not want outsiders integrated into your marriage. Buy a sex toy and stop fantasizing about sticking your penis in other women.
> 
> Gross.


I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


Meh. Let some dudes run a train on your wife, the you can stick your head in, wiggle your ears, and then throw up.

Do a test for echo.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


We can add _rude_ to _gross_.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Livvie said:


> We can add _rude_ to _gross_.


Seriously, if you and the other woman I replied to believe you hubby has not at least thought of this same question I asked, you should rethink what you believe. Not trying to be rude. I just asked a question as I hear MANY other guys talk about it. And I bet your and her hubby have too. Sorry if that upsets you.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

You think because you happen to work with a bunch of deviants that we all think like that. The husbands of the two members probably don’t think like that. I don’t think like that, and I didn’t see any comment suggesting anyone else thinks like that.
I’ve never heard anyone I’ve ever spoken to say they’ve thought about it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

@FloridaGuy1 - My husband never considered letting other parties into our marriage. Did he think about it? To be perfectly honest, I don't think he did. My husband was VERY open about his sexual fantasies with me, and adding someone else to the mix wasn't one of them.

Was my husband lying to me? I really don't think he was, because he didn't have much of a filter on what he said. I attribute that to his being an engineer. They tend to be quite literal.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Again, you have been on this site long enough to know that most of the people here are not proponents of nonmonogamy and many are here in the first place due to infidelity so you have to be aware that asking people's thoughts on swinging/open marriage etc would not be a popular concept. 
So I will ask again, what is your real question(s)? 

You are welcome to PM me if you have a legit question vs simply trying to stir up some contro.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

@FloridaGuy1, I think it’s a good policy to stay out of other peoples’ heads. The world is full of individuals, and not all men think alike. Telling a stranger on the internet that her spouse has probably had thoughts similar to yours seems misguided at best.

I also think that wondering what people think, or starting a discussion about a subject that is controversial or foreign to some, isn’t a gross thing to do. Neither is contemplating alternatives that are beyond what is typical. Neither is having fantasies one does not intend act on, IMHO.

As to the original question, it wouldn’t work for me. I can imagine it working for some. I don’t begrudge anyone whatever bit of happiness and pleasure they can find in this world, as long as they are honest with their partners, and not exploiting fear or insecurities. Some styles of non-monogamous relationships I can imagine seem like they would dilute or destroy the sort of things I would want from a relationship; especially those where “just sex” is involved. But, it also seems there may be other types of non-monogamous relationships where the dilution and destruction might not occur. Not sure. Never going to know.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Seriously, if you and the other woman I replied to believe you hubby has not at least thought of this same question I asked, you should rethink what you believe. Not trying to be rude. I just asked a question as I hear MANY other guys talk about it. And I bet your and her hubby have too. Sorry if that upsets you.


Haaaaaaaaaaaa I don't currently have a husband so haaaaa. Nothing you said is upsetting to me, but I merely think it's stupid ridiculous you are trying to convince various women on this forum that their husbands are thinking about this. Too funny. And I'll repeat: rude, and gross. 

I feel sorry for your wife...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Considering the number of covertly open marriages out there, I'm pretty sure men and women everywhere have thought about it. Adultery is as common as marriage.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Not my cup of tea. Would never do it nor would my husband. But that’s us, each to their own.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it


Yeah, that _sure_ seems likely... 


FloridaGuy1 said:


> Seriously, if you and the other woman I replied to believe you hubby has not at least thought of this same question I asked, you should rethink what you believe.


I'm a guy and I have absolutely zero desire for an open marriage, swinging, or whatever other crap you want to throw out there and say all men must want or think about. And nope, it doesn't even cross my mind


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


The first thing I feel the need to point out is that neither open or poly will fix a marriage that is not already stable.

There are a few of us here that practice ethical non-monogamy (ENM). We'll be glad to answer any serious questions you have. For those who are of such a bent, it can be very rewarding. For those who are naturally monogamous, trying ENM can destroy a marriage.

The key is honesty and communication. With such even poly/mono relationships can and do exist.

I've been open and poly for over 20 years. Well actually I've been like that for longer, but didn't realize it and it caused a lot of problems in my first marriage. But it took not only knowing that that I was non-monogamous, but learning how to be so ethically, to prevents those problems.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


SO you seem to have unusual friends at work -- I have NEVER in my life known ANY guy who wants to see his wife have sex with another guy -- EVER.
And NO, I have no hidden "desires" for that to happen in my marriage.
Your area may have a higher community of swingers.

If it works for BOTH partners, then that is entirely up to how they want to live their life. From the sounds of it, your wife is a hard NO to this. You have a choice -- divorce your wife and find a partner who is into this lifestyle, or just keep it as a fantasy in your head.

Honestly not EVERY fantasy is supposed to become real life.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Livvie said:


> OP said his wife ISN'T interested in this, so why are you encouraging him to approach a neighbor about doing his wife??? Seems disrespectful to me.


Because, like a lot of guys, and if it were back in the day, I'd like for him to approach me about doing his wife if he would host or pick up the hotel bill. There are any number of men who think about doing the sexy MILF in the next house over who walks to the mail box in her shear robe. His wife may not want to get into swinging, but if he could approach her about maybe just trying it one time with his buddy, who knows.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


It's like Russian roulette with your marriage.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


I'm a guy never once thought about it. The woman I am with is mine, no dibs, oh and she likes it that way. Maybe your problem is the circles you run with.

Just saying.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Because, like a lot of guys, and if it were back in the day, I'd like for him to approach me about doing his wife if he would host or pick up the hotel bill. There are any number of men who think about doing the sexy MILF in the next house over who walks to the mail box in her shear robe. His wife may not want to get into swinging, but if he could approach her about maybe just trying it one time with his buddy, who knows.


I see what you are doing here.

Hey maybe all his buddies just want to do his wife and that is why they tell him they have an open marriage?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Considering the number of covertly open marriages out there, I'm pretty sure men and women everywhere have thought about it. Adultery is as common as marriage.


Um no.... The point of adultery is YOU get to plow other people, but NOT YOUR SPOUSE, oh God no! I guess in a sense we could say he is being more fair by not hiding it and letting his wife have an option.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Hey maybe all his buddies just want to do his wife and that is why they tell him they have an open marriage?


Wouldn't be a bad strategy. In a similar fashion many married men tell women how cold and uninterested their wives are.



sokillme said:


> Um no.... The point of adultery is YOU get to plow other people, but NOT YOUR SPOUSE,


That would be the only option I'd ever recommend to my friends.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


You are SOOOO wrong. Decent faithful men with good moral values don't. Pretty sure that most of the people here have never considered it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Seriously, if you and the other woman I replied to believe you hubby has not at least thought of this same question I asked, you should rethink what you believe. Not trying to be rude. I just asked a question as I hear MANY other guys talk about it. And I bet your and her hubby have too. Sorry if that upsets you.


Just because YOU think about it, you are assuming that ALL men do, which of course is madness. Unless you have asked all of the countless millions of men on the earth.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Considering the number of covertly open marriages out there, I'm pretty sure men and women everywhere have thought about it. Adultery is as common as marriage.


Maybe a small percentage, but not most.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> The first thing I feel the need to point out is that neither open or poly will fix a marriage that is not already stable.
> 
> There are a few of us here that practice ethical non-monogamy (ENM). We'll be glad to answer any serious questions you have. For those who are of such a bent, it can be very rewarding. For those who are naturally monogamous, trying ENM can destroy a marriage.
> 
> ...


Sorry but there is no such thing as ethical non-monogamy. Adultery isn't ethical.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry but there is no such thing as ethical non-monogamy. Adultery isn't ethical.


If all parties are legal, consenting adults, then there is nothing unethical about it and is not adultery.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


Swinging and other forms of open relationships are only okay if you already have a healthy relationship. 

I am divorced, but in a three year open relationship, and I am quite happy. My primary girlfriend is a priority in my life, as I am in hers, but we are both highly sexual people. 

The idea of monogamy is wonderful, when it works. My ex preferred none-ogomy. Anyone morally offended by how I live my life should be aghast at how my ex wanted to live hers. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it's nobody else's business except the five people involved.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry but there is no such thing as ethical non-monogamy. Adultery isn't ethical.


Yes it is.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Why oh why was this the lead thread on my wall this morning? Ugh. The thought of another man touching my wife makes me want to vomit. It's one reason I'm on my second marriage.

My wife's ex wanted to do this and even put her in a situation where she didn't want to do something, but she did it for him anyway. Once. It really scarred her. We've talked about what happened to her several times and I can tell it deeply affected her, and she still carries shame over it. I'm in my 50's and it repulses me to think about it. If it's a couple's thing, good on them. But not in my world.

Edited: What you said about all the guys in their 50's and 60's talking about it, my advice to them would be to cancel their Pornhub memberships...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> If all parties are legal, consenting adults, then there is nothing unethical about it and is not adultery.


Adultery is when you are married and have sex with someone you are not married to, so yes it is adultery.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> Yes it is.


Nope.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Nope.


What other people do in the bedroom is nobody's business except the five people involved. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> Swinging and other forms of open relationships are only okay if you already have a healthy relationship.
> 
> I am divorced, but in a three year open relationship, and I am quite happy. My primary girlfriend is a priority in my life, as I am in hers, but we are both highly sexual people.
> 
> The idea of monogamy is wonderful, when it works. My ex preferred none-ogomy. Anyone morally offended by how I live my life should be aghast at how my ex wanted to live hers. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it's nobody else's business except the five people involved.


IF you had a healthy relationship you wouldn't be taking part in swinging or similar. It sounds as if you are not married anyway.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> What other people do in the bedroom is nobody's business except the five people involved.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


You are not married so its different.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> You are not married so its different.


There are plenty of people in open marriages of a variety of flavors. It's ok if it is not right for you, but monogamy doesn't work for everyone. 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> There are plenty of people in open marriages of a variety of flavors. It's ok if it is not right for you, but monogamy doesn't work for everyone.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


No point in being married if you cant even keep your vows.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Seriously, if you and the other woman I replied to believe you hubby has not at least thought of this same question I asked, you should rethink what you believe. Not trying to be rude. I just asked a question as I hear MANY other guys talk about it. And I bet your and her hubby have too. Sorry if that upsets you.


I'm not naive enough to think I know what my husband thinks about or fantasizes about, and I'm also not naive enough to think he only desires *me*. That's just foolish.

If I suggested going to a swinger's party, he'd probably be sitting in the running car wagging his tail and ready to go before I even got the whole sentence out.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> No point in being married if you cant even keep your vows.


You don’t get to decide what someone else’s marriage entails or make the rules for their marriage. 

Each couple decides what their marriage will be and what their sexual dynamics will be. 

As long as it involves informed, consenting adults, it is their business and no one else’s.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> No point in being married if you cant even keep your vows.


Good question. One of the traditional vows is "to have and to hold" which is poetic language for intimacy. If one spouse is intimacy averse should they divorce because what is the point of marriage? 

But, not everyone takes the same vows. Not everyone has the same needs. If a couple is open and honest with each other and they each want the other to be happy, is it moral of someone outside that loving relationship to tell them they are bad people doing life wrong? 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> Good question. One of the traditional vows is "to have and to hold" which is poetic language for intimacy. If one spouse is intimacy averse should they divorce because what is the point of marriage?
> 
> But, not everyone takes the same vows. Not everyone has the same needs. If a couple is open and honest with each other and they each want the other to be happy, is it moral of someone outside that loving relationship to tell them they are bad people doing life wrong?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Its not about needs, its about faithfulness. Do we want the best for our marriage and for each other? If we do then adultery is a terrible idea and often leads to the eventual destruction of the marriage.We have seen that here many times when a couple bought a third party into the marriage and it caused terrible problems and often divorce.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Its not about needs, its about faithfulness. Do we want the best for our marriage and for each other? If we do then adultery is a terrible idea and often leads to the eventual destruction of the marriage.


In my case, a chronic lack of intimacy led to the destruction of the marriage. I've been in a open relationship for three years, now, and it is the strongest most loving relationship I have ever been in. 

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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

That's great but OP's wife ISN'T INTERESTED. Which is why this thread is kinda yucky.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

I'm going to say this...what a person or a couple chooses to do in their marriage is their own business, adultery or not, it's a choice that has nothing to do with any of us. It may work for some, may not for others. I brought it up to my husband as a joke once a while back, he flipped out and said what are you f**** crazy? lol..that was fun. It's not something I would consider personally, but like I said, it may work for others, I get it. I would think sometimes you can plan these things, thinking you won't be jealous, and then you do get jealous. Also, no one that I know of (men wise) has ever talked about open marriage. At most, maybe they've done unconventional stuff while dating...


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Livvie said:


> That's great but OP's wife ISN'T INTERESTED. Which is why this thread is kinda yucky.


Well, yeah, but he's not looking for ways to convince her. He's just asking for opinions. 

I don't want to get into discussions about how to manipulate a spouse to do or not do something. That would definitely be "yucky." 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> In my case, a chronic lack of intimacy led to the destruction of the marriage. I've been in a open relationship for three years, now, and it is the strongest most loving relationship I have ever been in.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


marriage with good intimacy is the best.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> That's great but OP's wife ISN'T INTERESTED. Which is why this thread is kinda yucky.


Yes it is, its as if he is wanting us to all tell him it's normal and good and we all do it(or want to) so he can try and persuade his wife. Poor woman.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> Well, yeah, but he's not looking for ways to convince her. He's just asking for opinions.
> 
> I don't want to get into discussions about how to manipulate a spouse to do or not do something. That would definitely be "yucky."
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Why does he even need opinions unless he is hoping that he can tell his wife that we all think it's ok.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Why does he even need opinions unless he is hoping that he can tell his wife that we all think it's ok.


He might be fantasizing. 

It is possible there are some sexual incompatibility issues in his relationship. If this is true, swinging is out for him no matter what. Swingers tend to have strong marriages, and won't play with a couple that is having relationship issues. 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> He might be fantasizing.
> 
> It is possible there are some sexual incompatibility issues in his relationship. If this is true, swinging is out for him no matter what. Swingers tend to have strong marriages, and won't play with a couple that is having relationship issues.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


As I see it, if you have a strong marriage you have no need to go elsewhere.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> As I see it, if you have a strong marriage you have no need to go elsewhere.


Variety is the spice of life. 

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry but there is no such thing as ethical non-monogamy. Adultery isn't ethical.


Sorry, but you can't claim that as an objective truth. By _your_ ethics, sure, ENM cannot exist. But you don't get to dictate the ethics of others, telling them it cannot exist for them.

This is before we look at ethics being different from morals. My spouses and I may be doing something immoral, but it is still ethical because it is not hidden from those involved, and done with the agreement of all. Mind you, morals are as subjective as ethics, but that's is irrelevant to them being different things.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> If all parties are legal, consenting adults, then there is nothing unethical about it and is not adultery.


Well it is adultery. Whether or not adultery is immoral and/or unethical is a different matter, and one subject to the case by case details.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> No point in being married if you cant even keep your vows.


So now you dictate what vows people take as well?

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

IronHamster said:


> Well, yeah, but he's not looking for ways to convince her. He's just asking for opinions.
> 
> I don't want to get into discussions about how to manipulate a spouse to do or not do something. That would definitely be "yucky."
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Agreed. Manipulation would definitely fall under unethical.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> marriage with good intimacy is the best.


What is best is subjective. 

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Why does he even need opinions unless he is hoping that he can tell his wife that we all think it's ok.


I'm curious about what people think about lots of things, I'd never bother to get into. Some of us are facinated by the various view of a topic by people in general.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> As I see it, if you have a strong marriage you have no need to go elsewhere.


Power to you for that view, but that is still a subjective opinion. No one is required to share it.

But we could take that idea even further. If you have a strong marriage, then you have no need to go elsewhere for anything; friendships, activities, etc. Your spouse should be able to do it all for you. You should be sufficient company for each other if your marriage is strong enough.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's interesting that some people are arguing for open marriage on a marriage (not _swingers_) forum, on a thread in which the OP says his wife ISN'T INTERESTED in it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


For most H, you're wrong on thinking most H have asked this question somewhere. 

You're projecting a bit. Or maybe wanting to seek approval in the masses.

Not to be snarky but most H haven't. 

Most H know there are plenty other men who want to do their W are out there, that's human sexuality. Most H, me included would whip there ass for looking too hard at what is mine and my responsibility to protect. 

I'm not judging, and some here, like @maquiscat consciously choose to embrace that lifestyle because it suits them and that's ok, their choice, they have the desire and ability to survive the associated uniqueness of such a life.

Most absolutely do not. And that's ok, for many, the best way..


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> What's your opinion?


I think non-monogamy is perfectly fine behaviour, if all involved sexual parties (regardless of their marital status) are adult, informed and consenting.


----------



## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Wowwww, good thing I don’t speak of things I sometimes wonder. ... 

Tough crowd.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry but there is no such thing as ethical non-monogamy. Adultery isn't ethical.


Of course there is ethical non-monogamy, just as there is also unethical non-monogamy.

Likewise adultery can be ethical (which is just sex between a married person and someone who is not their spouse), just as it can also be unethical.

Which all comes down to how it is done.

For example if a collection of people, who are married to each other. Agree to share sex with people who they are not married to. Without coercion being involved. Plus they are informed as well as consenting. While they also ensure their other sexual partners are informed and consenting without coercion. Then they will be doing adultery ethically.

Whereas the same adultery would be unethical. If it is done without having the informed consent (sans coercion) of all involved sexual participants.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


Few risks? You need to check out this forum a little more. Many Many relationships that try swinging are destroyed. Since you wife isn't it to that then if she did eventually participate it would be only to please you which would most likely result in her feeling bad about herself and you and lead to resentment and divorce. Or she finally participates because she decides she finds another specific guy attractive and wants to take him for a spin leaving you behind.

News flash most women tend toward monogamy when happy and fulfilled. If your marriage isn't in a good place then swinging isn't the answer. Second I think you are wrong about husband thinking about swinging so much. Many husbands might at one point fantasize about screwing some other woman but I don't personally know any that I think want another man screwing their wife.

My husband would never share. Ever. It just isn't in his being. Has he ever had a thought about some beautiful woman probably.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> No point in being married if you cant even keep your vows.


Then it's a good thing for many people who don't share your opinion, that you don't get to decide who is allowed to be married or not.

Of which not everyone gets married using the same vows, plus some people even get married without saying any vows at all.

So not everyone who is married breaks any marriage vows, if they agree with their spouse or spouses to share sex with others outside of their marriage.

Likewise there's nothing wrong with spouses making new agreements with each other, regarding their sexual practices going forward, later on in their marriage if that is their want.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Its not about needs, its about faithfulness. Do we want the best for our marriage and for each other? If we do then adultery is a terrible idea and often leads to the eventual destruction of the marriage.We have seen that here many times when a couple bought a third party into the marriage and it caused terrible problems and often divorce.


And we have seen millions times when monogamous couples simply get tired and bored of each other and drift apart and divorce. Or one rejects and denies the other and they become another sexless marriage statistic which opens them up to a whole host of possible bad outcomes. 

Faithfulness means complying with a mutually agreed up course of action and behavior. 

It doesn’t have to mean only ever having one sex partner forever.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IronHamster said:


> Variety is the spice of life.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Faithfulness in marriage is vital.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> And we have seen millions times when monogamous couples simply get tired and bored of each other and drift apart and divorce. Or one rejects and denies the other and they become another sexless marriage statistic which opens them up to a whole host of possible bad outcomes.
> 
> Faithfulness means complying with a mutually agreed up course of action and behavior.
> 
> It doesn’t have to only ever having one sex partner forever.


Its still adultery whether it's agreed or not. OH, and most people have a variety of sexual partners before they marry.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Then it's a good thing for many people who don't share your opinion, that you don't get to decide who is allowed to be married or not.
> 
> Of which not everyone gets married using the same vows, plus some people even get married without saying any vows at all.
> 
> ...


Its still adultery.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Most (more than 50%) people have cheated on a spouse or long term partner. Without that partners permission. Non ethical non monogamy is more popular than ethical (permissioned) nonmonogamy. Cheating is a bigger thrill. It is readily apparent that "Decent faithful men with good moral values" are soundly in the minority. And quite frankly there are an equal percentage of indecent unfaithful women with poor moral values to play with them.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Its still adultery.


I agree with you.

And on that note I hope that anyone who chooses to do adultery ethically, has a splendid time doing so.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mr. Nail said:


> Most (more than 50%) people have cheated on a spouse or long term partner. Without that partners permission. Non ethical non monogamy is more popular than ethical (permissioned) nonmonogamy. Cheating is a bigger thrill. It is readily apparent that "Decent faithful men with good moral values" are soundly in the minority. And quite frankly there are an equal percentage of indecent unfaithful women with poor moral values to play with them.


Cheating is simply easier. 

Swinging/open marriage/ ethical nonmonogamy takes a lot of work, a lot of open communication, a lot of mutual respect and compassion and a whole lotta compromise. 

In nonmonogamy, everyone has to be onboard and consenting. That is actually a very large task to get everyone to sign off on it. 

With cheating, you just have to get one other person on board when no one else is looking.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Adultery is when you are married and have sex with someone you are not married to, so yes it is adultery.


You are absolutely correct. That IS the definition of adultery. However, if everyone is in the know and in agreement then it is not infidelity.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Yes it is, its as if he is wanting us to all tell him it's normal and good and we all do it(or want to) so he can try and persuade his wife. Poor woman.


You presuming to know what is in his mind sounds about the same as him presuming he knows what is in someone’s husband’s mind.

Neither sort of projection serves the conversation well.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Um no.... The point of adultery is YOU get to plow other people, but NOT YOUR SPOUSE, oh God no!


That is usually the case with cheaters, not with ENM. Cheaters do NOT want their spouse to have the same options they are pursuing, so they are not asked for (nor given) permission. Most of the time the cheater would _not_ get permission if they asked, so it's easier to cheat (and safer, since most do not get caught). Apparently the _perceived_ risk/reward is such that they feel cheating is their best option, damn any ethical considerations.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...


LoL! You definitely need to research people that are going to be honest and have done it themselves, pass or fail, or folks who have done real research with people who have and are doing it.

@Married but Happy is a fairly rational man with a balanced view in my opinion.

He would be good to talk to about it.

It is alien to me. The closest I can come to visualization is imagining myself with people I have a good time with, trust and have some friendship with but no real romantic relationship or commitment approaching marriage. I have always been territorial when it comes to sexual/romantic relationships and I honestly can't picture myself in a sharing sexual relationship even without romance and attachment.

The closest I can imagine would be being very young and in party type situations that I wouldn't feel to good in the following days and weeks.

I can't even imagine sharing Mrs. Conan or her sharing me. Not even a blip on our radar.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I hate to break it to you but I bet your hubby has asked the same question on some site somewhere. ALL the guys I talk to at work (maybe over 50 or 60) have all at least thought about it thats why I asked here. So try not to be too uppity as the thought is probably closer to you than you think. And please, I just asked a question for general input.


Uh, no. Those questions end when you decide to get married....he is not interested in sharing me with other men. That is disgusting to offer your wife in that way. But whatever makes you feel like a less ****ty husband, I guess!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Faithfulness in marriage is vital.


I agree with you completely on this.

But I’m afraid we differ on what we consider the word faithful to mean.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Faithfulness in marriage is vital.


True enough, but your definition of being faithful doesn't necessarily apply to all. I can tell you, and my spouses will tell you the same, that I have not been unfaithful to any of them.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Yes it is, its as if he is wanting us to all tell him it's normal and good and we all do it(or want to) so he can try and persuade his wife. Poor woman.


Poor woman indeed. What a shame it is that she may be able to be pleasured by a very tall, fit, tan, handsome and sexy man and/or explore her curiosities with a beautiful, sexy, and sexually confident woman with her husband’s consent, blessing and presumably his participation. What a shame indeed LOL 😆 

It’s a funny thing about women. They all steadfastly claim their sexual virtue and act all indignant at the suggestion of anything remotely non traditional, but that all goes right out the window once someone they find very good looking and charming and alluring comes into the scene.

Do you wanna know what every single woman that ever went home from the bar with a man they just met have in common???? - they all said they would never hook up with someone they just met at a bar and most will even continue to deny it after the fact.

Do you also want to know what every woman in the swinging/open marriage lifestyle all have in common?? - they all said they would never do that.

And do you want to know what about 90+ percent of swingers (men and women) have in common? - they keep their personal business to themselves and keep their private matters private and will likely even straight-faced deny it when asked about it due to the judgement and scorn from the rest of society.

I can pretty much guarantee you that if the full truth be known, you sit by swingers in your church congregation every Sunday and work with them at work and push your cart by them in the grocery store. You may even have some close relatives at your summer reunion or maybe even at your Thanksgiving/Christmas table. 

They walk amongst you 😉


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> Poor woman indeed. What a shame it is that she may be able to be pleasured by a very tall, fit, tan, handsome and sexy man and/or explore her curiosities with a beautiful, sexy, and sexually confident woman with her husband’s consent, blessing and presumably his participation. What a shame indeed LOL 😆
> 
> It’s a funny thing about women. They all steadfastly claim their sexual virtue and act all indignant at the suggestion of anything remotely non traditional, but that all goes right out the window once someone they find very good looking and charming and alluring comes into the scene.
> 
> ...


I have to say... We don't even know what this OP's wife looks like, how on Earth do you know that a "tall, fit, tan, handsome, and sexy man" (or a beautiful, sexy, and sexually confident woman) is willing to step up and **** this guy's wife?

She could be way less than average in looks, or personality (to the point it's noticeable upon meeting her) and OP may be so homely or strange to the point no one attractive or sexy or mentally stable is going to get involved with "them"... 

Not everyone can swing!! To swing you have to be able to attract partners to participate. It's not a given that ..."she could be getting to experience x,y,z ...."

Bottom line is the wife isn't into it. It's never going to happen. So him exploring it is kind of equivalent to masturbation.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> Do you also want to know what every woman in the swinging/open marriage lifestyle all have in common?? - they all said they would never do that.


Setting aside youth when we really don't know ourselves, I will tell you that this is not all women. I am aware of many who were this way since their 20's. And then there are others that never really thought about it, so they never made the claim of what they would and wouldn't do. 

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> So what's everyone's thoughts on those? My wife has no interest so it'll never happen but hearing a few mention it here and some other sites I visit as well as having a couple as friends who are into it makes it sound interesting.
> 
> Seems like a few risks but also seems like many folks enjoy it. The couple I know has been doing it 18 years and they plan trips around going to swinger resorts and such.
> 
> ...











A swinger’s risk of sexually transmitted infections | TIME.com


As well as skeeving us all out, swingers — couples who regularly swap partners at organized parties or clubs — may have rates of sexually transmitted infection (STI) that are higher than those in high-risk groups, like female prostitutes, a Dutch study found.



healthland.time.com





"As well as skeeving us all out, swingers — couples who regularly swap partners at organized parties or clubs — may have rates of sexually transmitted infection (STI) that are higher than those in high-risk groups, like female prostitutes, a Dutch study found. Middle-aged swingers, over the age of 45, were particularly vulnerable to disease."

I mean, what on earth could possible go wrong?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Its still adultery whether it's agreed or not. OH, and most people have a variety of sexual partners before they marry.


You can call it whatever you want. If all involved parties consented and are ok with it, it is not anyone’s business, is it?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Livvie said:


> I have to say... We don't even know what this OP's wife looks like, how on Earth do you know that a "tall, fit, tan, handsome, and sexy man" (or a beautiful, sexy, and sexually confident woman) is willing to step up and **** this guy's wife?
> 
> She could be way less than average in looks, or personality (to the point it's noticeable upon meeting her) and OP may be so homely or strange to the point no one attractive or sexy or mentally stable is going to get involved with "them"...
> 
> ...


I've actually known a couple folks who share, swing whatever.... They are actually pretty regular looking folks and have very average looks or even a little on the less attractive side.

They seem pretty regular for the most part and a lot of them are even conservatives in most other areas of life.

I know one couple that is a lot farther right than me. I'm probably just right of center. They are very vocal and committed. They are also really nice folks. They are also a little low on the sexy scale.

Swingers don't look like painted monkeys on meth nor are they all super hot studs and vixens.

They are just like everyone else with the same life issues outside of boinking outside of monogamy. Couldn't resist using the term "boinking".😁


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> A swinger’s risk of sexually transmitted infections | TIME.com
> 
> 
> As well as skeeving us all out, swingers — couples who regularly swap partners at organized parties or clubs — may have rates of sexually transmitted infection (STI) that are higher than those in high-risk groups, like female prostitutes, a Dutch study found.
> ...


I'm definitely not promoting it and there are absolutely a little higher risks of STDs and mystery paternity issues.

I'm sure some are very careful but , humans being human, I know many are probably living risky.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Seriously, if you and the other woman I replied to believe you hubby has not at least thought of this same question I asked, you should rethink what you believe. Not trying to be rude. I just asked a question as I hear MANY other guys talk about it. And I bet your and her hubby have too. Sorry if that upsets you.


Afraid not. I do not like to think about the evil thoughts of what i would do to some dude that was with my wife. So no this hubby would not be interrested in thinking about this question.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> I have to say... We don't even know what this OP's wife looks like, how on Earth do you know that a "tall, fit, tan, handsome, and sexy man" (or a beautiful, sexy, and sexually confident woman) is willing to step up and **** this guy's wife?
> 
> She could be way less than average in looks, or personality (to the point it's noticeable upon meeting her) and OP may be so homely or strange to the point no one attractive or sexy or mentally stable is going to get involved with "them"...
> 
> ...


I understand that she has said no. That’s her choice, so be it. 

However in regards to the attractiveness issue, you need to keep in mind that sex in swinging is pretty much purely recreational and NSA. 

Men have completely different standards and criteria for fun, NSA sex than what they do for dating, relationships and marriage. Men will often play with women they would never consider dating or marrying. 

As long as she isn’t actually deformed or unhygienic and Smelly there will be plenty of men she can choose from.

It is actually HIS attractiveness and desirability to the other women that will determine if they play with other couples or not because it is the women who determine if play will take place or not. 

Unless she is just butt-ugly and unhygienic, she would have her pick. It is Floridaguy that would likely be the hold-up.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> I understand that she has said no. That’s her choice, so be it.
> 
> However in regards to the attractiveness issue, you need to keep in mind that sex in swinging is pretty much purely recreational and NSA.
> 
> ...


This reply (your delivery) made me smile! 

Pretty interesting that lower rung attractive women are able to get partners for sextracurricular activities this way. I had no idea. I thought super attractive men would only want to participate with super attractive women!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> This reply (your delivery) made me smile!
> 
> Pretty interesting that lower rung attractive women are able to get partners for sextracurricular activities this way. I had no idea. I thought super attractive men would only want to participate with super attractive women!


Attractive men will take whatever is available to them in that environment. 

I’ve seen women that couldn’t buy a date in the vanilla dating world have men buzzing around them like bees to a sunflower in swing clubs. 

A man will lower his standards on looks for recreational, NSA sex vs what he would date or marry.

Women are typically the opposite and will go for better looking men for recreational sex.

This applies in the singles club world and not just the swing world.

Think of what men do at closing time at the bars/clubs - those aren’t Swedish bikini models at closing time.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Livvie said:


> I thought super attractive men would only want to participate with super attractive women!


_Within reason_, a difference in attractiveness level isn't a big deal compared to the novelty and excitement of a new partner. And this goes for both men and women, but I suppose the women (in general) might might be able to get a more attractive partner more often than the men, as @oldshirt suggests. My experiences have ranged from slightly dumpy and plain to a model and a prima ballerina, but enthusiasm, personality, and skills often lead to repeat encounters more so than looks.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm not naive enough to think I know what my husband thinks about or fantasizes about, and I'm also not naive enough to think he only desires *me*. That's just foolish.
> 
> If I suggested going to a swinger's party, he'd probably be sitting in the running car wagging his tail and ready to go before I even got the whole sentence out.


There is a difference between finding something desirable and wanting it, at least for me. I'm not gonna lie, there are women around me who are desirable in a physical sense, but I don't want them. During the years of living in a sexual desert with my ex, I ultimately did porn and it started to warp my view of sexuality. Fast forward to today and I haven't looked at porn in years.

Everyone has fantasies but that doesn't mean we have to act on them. I only want my wife. At one point my wife's ex wanted to hotwife her to black men, that's when she finally noped out. I haven't mentioned that here before but it is something she's had to grapple with over the years, that her ex wanted to loan her out so to speak. She did something for him once and that left her feeling violated, and when he insisted that she become a hotwife that was the last straw. 

Everyone has their thing though, so if both agree and can manage it, go for it. The thought of a swinger's party and someone f'ing my wife in front of me simply breaks me. Maybe I'm an anomaly in these days and times.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Most (more than 50%) people have cheated on a spouse or long term partner. Without that partners permission. Non ethical non monogamy is more popular than ethical (permissioned) nonmonogamy. Cheating is a bigger thrill. It is readily apparent that "Decent faithful men with good moral values" are soundly in the minority. And quite frankly there are an equal percentage of indecent unfaithful women with poor moral values to play with them.


Thankfully 50% havent cheated.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> You are absolutely correct. That IS the definition of adultery. However, if everyone is in the know and in agreement then it is not infidelity.


The meaning is
' Infidelity occurs when a person who is married or in a long-term relationship has sex with another person.'


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cromer said:


> There is a difference between finding something desirable and wanting it, at least for me. I'm not gonna lie, there are women around me who are desirable in a physical sense, but I don't want them. During the years of living in a sexual desert with my ex, I ultimately did porn and it started to warp my view of sexuality. Fast forward to today and I haven't looked at porn in years.
> 
> Everyone has fantasies but that doesn't mean we have to act on them. I only want my wife. At one point my wife's ex wanted to hotwife her to black men, that's when she finally noped out. I haven't mentioned that here before but it is something she's had to grapple with over the years, that her ex wanted to loan her out so to speak. She did something for him once and that left her feeling violated, and when he insisted that she become a hotwife that was the last straw.
> 
> Everyone has their thing though, so if both agree and can manage it, go for it. The thought of a swinger's party and someone f'ing my wife in front of me simply breaks me. Maybe I'm an anomaly in these days and times.


I dont think you are an anomoly, the people who do this are in a vey small monirity. Your poor wife, how awful for her. At least she has a good husband now.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I dont think you are an anomoly, the people who do this are in a vey small monirity. Your poor wife, how awful for her. At least she has a good husband now.


Thank you for your kind words. When she tells me that she feels safe for the first time in her adult life with me, I realize how hard she had it, and it makes me feel like the best man in the world. She's told me this several times over the past few months.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cromer said:


> Thank you for your kind words. When she tells me that she feels safe for the first time in her adult life with me, I realize how hard she had it, and it makes me feel like the best man in the world.


She could clearly see a good man when she found one. Good for you.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Saying it more often or louder doesn't make it more true. it just bores everyone out of responding to you. around 80% of people getting married say that they are making a lifetime commitment. The average duration of a marriage is less than 20 years.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Faithfulness in marriage is vital.


Exactly, and there are various forms of marriage.
I also believe if two adults consent to an open marriage that is their choice and everyone else should leave them alone as that's what makes them happy. It bothers no one.

However, I also believe that adults should be more cautious about entering an open marriage as an alternative to monogamy as many get into it for all the wrong reasons. Only time I've seen it work is when both partners have a strong relationship as a foundation to begin with, yet so many have such weak foundations that shatter as soon as someone else enters the equation.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Saying it more often or louder doesn't make it more true. it just bores everyone out of responding to you. around 80% of people getting married say that they are making a lifetime commitment. The average duration of a marriage is less than 20 years.


Yet there are countless good long marriages.
Thankfully most of the regular posters here believe in faithfullness in marriage and not committing adultery, so thats positive.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Defeats the point of marriage and I would be better off single if that is the case. Why pay for the goat when other men get the milk for free with no commitment?



Mr. Nail said:


> Most (more than 50%) people have cheated on a spouse or long term partner. Without that partners permission.


What makes you so sure of all of this?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Yet there are countless good long marriages.
> Thankfully most of the regular posters here believe in faithfullness in marriage and not committing adultery, so thats positive.


SNORT


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BruceBanner said:


> Defeats the point of marriage and I would be better off single if that is the case. *Why pay for the goat when other men get the milk for free with no commitment?*


Not all a swing show, could be multiple spouses = multiple income. At least in the parts of the world that practice it culturally.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Not all a swing show, could be multiple spouses = multiple income. At least in the parts of the world that practice it culturally.


There is a place that still practices polyandry; one wife, multiple husband's.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## drt09 (Oct 12, 2020)

If that's what works best in someone's relationship/marriage , everyone is a willing and eager participate then I think there's no problem with it. Just used protection bc tjeres some nasty stuff out here. As for me I could never. I dont share and I dont want to have sex with anyone except my spouse so swinging wouldn't work for me
I would just ask if you need outside sex, why not just stay single? Why get married and then want to have sex with others. That never really made sense to me


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> Attractive men will take whatever is available to them in that environment.
> 
> I’ve seen women that couldn’t buy a date in the vanilla dating world have men buzzing around them like bees to a sunflower in swing clubs.
> 
> *A man will lower his standards on looks for recreational, NSA sex vs what he would date or marry.*


So, that guy will marry better looking lady, even if sex is not so hot, and few years later will come here and complain about not enough sex in his marriage? 

oh my...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> So, that guy will marry better looking lady, even if sex is not so hot, and few years later will come here and complain about not enough sex in his marriage?
> 
> oh my...


The sex is usually good and frequent early in most marriages, so men may opt for the most attractive woman they can find, other things being reasonably equal, not realizing that sex will get less exciting after a few years. This would be _also_ be true if he married a less attractive woman. Later, when sex declines (as in most marriages), the less attractive women probably show some enthusiasm and interest, otherwise they wouldn't be swinging, etc. He's new to her, she's new to him, which (given reasonable attraction) means exciting. And he still gets to have his attractive wife whom he no doubt loves.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

drt09 said:


> I would just ask if you need outside sex, why not just stay single? Why get married and then want to have sex with others. That never really made sense to me


Because actual marriage isn't about the sex. People will marry even when sex is not possible, such as damage from the waist down or worse, or genitals damaged beyond sexual use. Elderly folks marry even though they are long past sexually active. To me it doesn't make sense to marry for the sex.

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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

maquiscat said:


> To me it doesn't make sense to marry for the sex


So the old saying that if you marry for money, you will earn it, should be amended to read if you marry for sex, you will pay for it?


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