# What to listen? My heart or my head??



## lamia (May 15, 2013)

My on and off partner and dad of my 10 year old daughter seems to criticize me all the time. We are back together 6 months now and I had find myself unhappy again and again. It seems that we argue all the time. We have a nice times too. He works a lot and turns it against me if I say that we should do something together a least once a month. We don't do anything together and he doesn't plan anything with me. It he does, it goes other way and he ends up drinking with mates and cancels the date. I spoke to him about it and told him what I think and how I feel, but it got to another argument. We don't live together anymore. I don't want to as I know I am not ready for this move again, with him. He wants to. When he is angry, he calls me names, he shouts and I raise my voice, but I don't shout or call names. I try to reason with him, but it always backfires on me. Some things he said to me in anger: You are the worst woman ever. You are not normal woman. Normal woman would do this..or this... You would never find anyone who would stay with you and tolerate you. 
Today he told me, while arguing: I am afraid to take you out as everyone know what kind you are and you are weird. You are not the kind of person to take our to meet others. I have very bad experiences with you. Your think you know psychology and people but you don't know that you are psychopath yourself.
He works a lot and he pays child maintenance and gives his daughter extra money. But he always has to mention how hard he work, reminds us every day, how tired he is. I study part time, work part time and I take care of our daughter full time. But in his eyes I do nothing. I don't have a free weekend, like he do.
When we separated 3 years ago, I was left to take care of our daughter, our dog, our cat, our guinea pigs, while he had time of his life, had a new girlfriend, was partying every weekend and you can imagine, no time for having his own child over. Anyway I forgave him again as I loved him and here I am am, left lonely and sad and confidence is getting low. I am a good looking girl and sometimes i think that he likes me only for my looks and he hates everything about me as he criticize me so much for everything. Like that I don't cook for him a good meal. I am vegetarian and I can eat anything and be happy. He isn't. That I don't have a time for him in a day for a phone call chat. He has that opportunity to call all day at work without effecting his job. I have so much thinks to do in a day and I can't be on the phone constantly or any time for him. So I call him when I can, he is always the first person I think of, and he moans and moans.....
When he is with us at our home, he is tired, all the time. We watch tv and nothing else. Has a sex. So he comes at 6pm and then that is it. He wants to have time for himself and when he is with us, he can't do that. 
I asked him recently, if he could look after our daughter on Sunday, as after many years I wanted to go with my friends to the cinema. He was stroppy, that how can I expect him to know what he is going to do in a week time. Obviously he wasn't happy. then he said, he will have her from Saturday as it would ruin his weekend anyway. Today it got our of him, that he doesn't know what he will do in very close future, because something else could come up, like invitation to disco or drink with his mates...what about me??? Am I mad to think that he actually cares about me?? About us?? I am not sure anymore. He says he loves me so much but his actions are so different at time. 
We are back together 6 months and we didn't spend xmass or new year together as he was drunk with his mates. and we argued about it, he made it all sound as my fault. Valentines day? He had a day off for that day, for us. But he was drinking and was horid to me. and any plans he makes with me end up like this.
The thing is, he was the one who wanted me back. I was over him. He pleaded and pleaded, promised he will change and he can't live without me and know I am the worst woman, horid person, not suitable to even take me out and rubbish in kitchen. I am really confused why he wanted me back. I know loves in not enough in relationships, but I love him. We try to discuss things, we talk and it is all the time the same. 
I don't know what to do. Brain tells me to leave him again and tell him that he is just toooo good for me. but heart tells me to stay and try to sort things out. Is my relationships just toxic and will never change?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

He needs some counseling................till then, nothing is gonna change.


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## lamia (May 15, 2013)

He would not seek counselling. He thinks that I have a problem, not him. I am the one who isn't normal. And we live in other country and his second language isn't perfect, so that would be another of his excuse. 
I am thinking to go myself.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

lamia said:


> The thing is, he was the one who wanted me back. I was over him. He pleaded and pleaded, promised he will change and he can't live without me and know I am the worst woman, horid person, not suitable to even take me out and rubbish in kitchen. I am really confused why he wanted me back. I know loves in not enough in relationships, but I love him. We try to discuss things, we talk and it is all the time the same.
> I don't know what to do. Brain tells me to leave him again and tell him that he is just toooo good for me. but heart tells me to stay and try to sort things out. Is my relationships just toxic and will never change?


Yes, this is toxic. He does not love or cherish you. Do yourself a favor and get out of this relationship. He has proven to you that he is not going to change.


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