# Roleplaying?



## Hendrix (May 17, 2017)

So for awhile now I've had a fantasy I wanted to try where my husband and I meet up somewhere pretending that we don't know each other and eventually hook up. I recently got into a bit of trouble but I still want to try this. Due to the situation I put myself in, I think that if we start this very slowly... we might be able to communicate better. I want to have him e-mail or text me pretending to be another person or allow me to do it to him. I don't have a desire to have an affair or anything like that. I just want to try something different with my husband.

Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Hendrix said:


> So for awhile now I've had a fantasy I wanted to try where my husband and I meet up somewhere pretending that we don't know each other and eventually hook up. I recently got into a bit of trouble but I still want to try this. Due to the situation I put myself in, I think that if we start this very slowly... we might be able to communicate better. I want to have him e-mail or text me pretending to be another person or allow me to do it to him. I don't have a desire to have an affair or anything like that. I just want to try something different with my husband.
> 
> Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


No, I've never tried it. But I've known some folks who did, and who really enjoy it. Seems harmless to me. If your H is open to it, I'd try it. Worse thing that happens is you both say "Nope, not doing that again."

But be careful. The TAM women are currently getting their pitchforks out for people with imaginations. Something about if you're fantasizing about it, you must want the reality too.


----------



## Hendrix (May 17, 2017)

What's a TAM woman?


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Acronym for the website we're using, Talk About Marriage. Female commenters here.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Seems like a fine game as long as you make it very clear that your interest is in doing this with *him*.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Hendrix said:


> So for awhile now I've had a fantasy I wanted to try where my husband and I meet up somewhere pretending that we don't know each other and eventually hook up. I recently got into a bit of trouble but I still want to try this. Due to the situation I put myself in, I think that if we start this very slowly... we might be able to communicate better. I want to have him e-mail or text me pretending to be another person or allow me to do it to him. I don't have a desire to have an affair or anything like that. I just want to try something different with my husband.
> 
> Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


You need to be careful at this game.If you try this in a bar and some guy starts hitting on you before your husband arrives there may be some issues,the would be Romeo may feel cockblocked and may not be prepared to back down too easily.Just be careful.


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Hendrix said:


> Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


I think role playing can be a lot of fun. However, it will only be fun if your husband is also into it. If he's not, then you'll just feel stupid.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I always wanted to play this game with my now ex-W, but she was uninterested in anything improving the marriage.

Anyhow, I think there need to be some understood ground rules. For example, is it ok for you to let another man buy you a drink? Is it ok for you to hit the dance floor (not slow dancing) with another man? What about just standing around and socializing with another man?

Same with your husband, is it ok for him to buy a woman a drink or dance with her?

I actually like the idea of allowing some minor activity like that as long as you are both clear it is part of the game. He pretends to win you away from some other guy. Or, you woo him away from some other woman. As long as one or the other of you doesn't get your mind wandering and finding the attention from the other sex too much fun. If there are any histories of infidelity then there need to be much stricter boundaries!

You could play the game with another couple to make it safer. You and the other woman go in together, your husband and the other man go in together. Then you play the whole scene of pretending to just meet each other and spin stories about who you are and what you do. Make up silly or outrageous life stories to tell. It could be a fun double date.

You should talk to your husband and see what he thinks.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hendrix said:


> Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


I've read about this and generally speaking most people fall into one of three categories regarding their "mode" of sexuality.

A) Sensation focused intimacy (Eyes closed)

B) Partner engagement (Allowing Your Partner to Know You)

C) Role Play (Eyes Open)

Not all combinations are compatible. Someone seeking partner engagement will want to make themselves truly seen and may find it highly offensive if you ask them to be someone else in order to enjoy a moment together. Two people that enjoy role play tend to have a very high level of self confidence, actually enjoy emulating different personas in order to experience something new, and view the experiences as if it adds diversity to their own personalities.

There are no rights or wrongs. One mode is not better than the other. But some modes are not compatible. 

So as others suggest, it can be enjoyable BUT ONLY if your husband is into it. 

Hope that helps, 
Badsanta


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

My role-play fantasy involves my husband pretending to be a wealthy man and taking me on a whirlwind shopping spree with an unlimited balance credit card.

The end. :grin2:


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Thor said:


> I always wanted to play this game with my now ex-W, but she was uninterested in anything improving the marriage.
> 
> Anyhow, I think there need to be some understood ground rules. For example, is it ok for you to let another man buy you a drink? Is it ok for you to hit the dance floor (not slow dancing) with another man? What about just standing around and socializing with another man?
> 
> ...


A friend of mine played in a cover band and him and his wife played a game where she would walk into the gig near the finish,dressed very provocatively and walk right up to the front of the stage.He would ask her what her name was and what was her favourite song (it was always wonderful tonight)and play it for her.Of course he would then leave with her when the gig was over.One night there was a group of drunk women in the bar and the guys in the band had been flirting with them all through the gig.When my friend started talking to his wife one of the group of drunks hit her in the face with a glass,her face was destroyed,she got over fifty stitches and five years on,despite plastic surgery she still has scars.
Be careful where you play this game.Role playing is best played at home or at least is a safe environment.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

role playing is fun AND harmless. go for it


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Hendrix said:


> So for awhile now I've had a fantasy I wanted to try where my husband and I meet up somewhere pretending that we don't know each other and eventually hook up.* I recently got into a bit of trouble* but I still want to try this. *Due to the situation I put myself in, I think that if we start this very slowly... we might be able to communicate better.* I want to have him e-mail or text me pretending to be another person or allow me to do it to him. I don't have a desire to have an affair or anything like that. I just want to try something different with my husband.
> 
> Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


Can you explain what the bold above means? It may matter a great deal what sort of "trouble" you recently got into, as to whether or not role playing of this type will be a positive thing for your marriage. If your husband is into it as well, great! Play on! But there are definitely situations where proposing this sort of role-play scenario might be very triggering for him. 

So, what's going on?


----------



## Hendrix (May 17, 2017)

Rowan said:


> Can you explain what the bold above means? It may matter a great deal what sort of "trouble" you recently got into, as to whether or not role playing of this type will be a positive thing for your marriage. If your husband is into it as well, great! Play on! But there are definitely situations where proposing this sort of role-play scenario might be very triggering for him.
> 
> So, what's going on?


I spend a lot of time on social media and on the internet since I'm home a lot. I've gotten elicit photos from men (unsolicited) and signed onto fetish sites. I haven't had any kind of affairs but the social media use has made my husband uncomfortable. I want to ease his mind and make sure he has peace. Definitely not choosing anything over my marriage.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Hendrix said:


> I spend a lot of time on social media and on the internet since I'm home a lot. I've gotten elicit photos from men (unsolicited) and signed onto fetish sites. I haven't had any kind of affairs but the social media use has made my husband uncomfortable. I want to ease his mind and make sure he has peace. Definitely not choosing anything over my marriage.


Ah, yes, I remember your other thread now. 

Honestly, I'm not sure right now would be a great time to introduce anything new to your marriage. You seem to have a lot going on already, what with your seeming penchant for poor boundaries and the apparent financial troubles that are going on. And do I recall that there's a new baby in the picture as well? Along with some mention of legal trouble? 

I would suggest, instead, to start with that conversation I recommended in your other thread. The one where the two of you sit down and really come up with boundaries for your marriage that work for both of you. I think you'll need marital boundaries to be clarified and established as a first order of business. They're needed in your marriage anyway, but will also be necessary to keep everyone on the same page if you want to pursue role-play scenarios. After that, then if this is something you're both into, go for it.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Hendrix said:


> So for awhile now I've had a fantasy I wanted to try where my husband and I meet up somewhere pretending that we don't know each other and eventually hook up. I recently got into a bit of trouble but I still want to try this. Due to the situation I put myself in, I think that if we start this very slowly... we might be able to communicate better. I want to have him e-mail or text me pretending to be another person or allow me to do it to him. I don't have a desire to have an affair or anything like that. I just want to try something different with my husband.
> 
> Has anyone tried this before? How did it work out for you?


My suggestion would be to take it in stages and work from a very detailed script. It is called role playing for a reason.

Maybe start at home and pretend it is a bar. Follow you script Maybe negotiate sex in you car in the garage after pretending to ask hiim to take you home or pretend that he has taken you home and ask him if he would like a special night cap and when he says yes, get it and take him to the bedroom.

After you have tried it at home a couple times, then again figure out your script so each of you know your role. Then go out to a public place. I would suggest a restaurant where you have made reservations and you meet in the bar while waiting for your table (only that is not part of the script). If someone comes up to you in the bar, teel them you are waiting for your table and your husband to arrive. If you want to have fun tell that to your husband (if it is in the script) but say he is cute. Then pull out your phone and say something like darn, my husband had to work late to night and canceled on m. I hate to dine alone, would you pretend to be my husband? I'll make it worth your while.

The point is figure out what you will be doing and saying ahead of time. If he is uncomfortable with some aspect, then negotiate something he is comfortable with. The sex therapist that saved my marriage told my wife and me that sex should be fun, exploratory and playful. It should be an adult version of recess with your best friend.

Good luck.

Scratch the above. I just saw the post where it sounds like like something like this could add to his fears associated with your social media issue. Again, if and when you and your H want to try something like this, make sure it is well scripted


----------

