# Advice from age 35 + requested please.



## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

Ok, so here goes.... 
I'm 40 something and am feeling disrespected in my marriage of 6 years. I want to express this to my wife in an appropriate manner however, every time it's mentioned an argument ensues.
Starting from the beginning, I live quite a distance from my wife and only get home 3-4 times a year. This has been the situation for the past 30 months. Since the beginning of this summer passed, my wife who's 30 something, has been doing renovations on properties we own with the volunteer assistance of a 16 year old neighborhood boy. They’d done extensive renovations together and I’m very appreciative for his assisting my wife in her workload. As I understand it though, as the summer progressed, he was at my house more and more often even when work was not required. My wife has allowed him access to my tools for his own needs, she’s allowed him the use of our 4 wheel atvs, she’s allowed him the use of our lawn tractor, as well as allowing him to be her driver even though he only has his learners permit; all of this unbeknownst to me. When I found out, I requested she disallow use and asked her why he was always hanging around. She’d informed me that he had nothing better to do and would rather be at our house than at his own as there was nothing to do at his house.
As irritating as the aforementioned is, I sincerely believe that my wife would never have an affair and I believe her sincere in her actions. My irritation comes from my unfortunate knowledge of subliminal messages. i.e. while home in early autumn….
•	When interacting with the boy, my wife would “lean in closer” when sitting and talking with him.
•	My wife is “playful” while interacting with the boy
•	My wife gently plays with her har when they interact
•	My wife and daughter participated in putting baby oil on him for tanning 
•	While we (my wife, the boy, and I) were driving together, me driving, the boy tells my wife what to put on the radio and when to turn it up.
•	My wife shares cigarettes with him
•	After the boy put on cologne, my wife told him he smelled “delicious”
•	My wife has taken pictures of him shirtless on my atv for him to be able to post it to Facebook
•	The boy no accompanies my wife when she drives to her mothers or simply drives to the store
•	Three nights ago we were on the phone together to say goodnight when she told me that the boy has just shown up in our yard (10:30 pm) and that she was “going to hang up and call me back”. It was 10 minutes before she returned the call with no explanation as to his appearance at our house.
About 3 weeks ago, after I’d informed my wife over the summer that I do not want him driving our vehicles, my wife told me she’d been in a “minor accident that wasn’t her fault”. I took it for what it and was very happy to know that she wasn’t hurt. About two weeks ago, I asked her who was driving, low and behold, it was the boy. Either by willful omission or exaggerating, this was skipped in her original story about the accident.
So, I ask you, what do you make of all this?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Your wife is having a VERY inappropriate _friendship_ with this 16 year old boy. Boundaries are being blurred & she is now starting to omit certain details in an attempt to protect this boy. These are all bad signs, I think you know that already.

Now, your employment is not helping the relationship either. How can you expect to give your wife the attention she needs if you only see her several times a year? You need to put your foot down with this teenage boy, but how can you do that if you are never home? Is finding a new job an option at all? What about moving your family closer to where you are?

Something has got to give before your wife loses all her resolve & finds herself with sex offender charges.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Give his mother that list. I am the mom of teenage sons. They would not be coming around your wife any more.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Check her cell phone records and texts.......oh wait...scratch that! He's already there in person ALL THE TIME.

If there's no affair going on, as time goes on it's more likely to happen. Lots of time to bond, lots of alone time.

My advice to you and any other husbands reading this: Don't let another man spend a lot of time with your wife. One of the job descriptions for a husband is to c0ckbl0ck. At that, you're failing miserably.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

So far all of the advice/information is very much appreciated.

The job aspect.... It's an incredibly well paying job that has the full support of my wife. (maybe now I know why)
On to Cubby, I agree with you entirely however I have been hopeful that a mature relationship would prevail, apparently I need to get my head out of my a$$.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Is this for real? 

Obviously this would be inappropriate on every level.

Right now I'm not believing this story. Sorry.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

anontoo said:


> So far all of the advice/information is very much appreciated.
> 
> The job aspect.... It's an incredibly well paying job that has the full support of my wife. (maybe now I know why)
> On to Cubby, I agree with you entirely however I have been hopeful that a mature relationship would prevail, apparently I need to get my head out of my a$$.


Have you spoken with your wife about how inappropriate her friendship with this boy is? You can tell your wife that you no longer want this boy hanging around & that you are going to have a conversation with his mother/parents about that. 

Your wife is playing with fire when it comes to this boy. No wonder your gut has you on high alert!


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

JustTired said:


> Have you spoken with your wife about how inappropriate her friendship with this boy is? You can tell your wife that you no longer want this boy hanging around & that you are going to have a conversation with his mother/parents about that.
> 
> Your wife is playing with fire when it comes to this boy. No wonder your gut has you on high alert!


Here's the thing, the boys mother knows about the time spent but I don't know to what extent she knows about the activities.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I see nothing that indicates your wife deliberately got you out of the picture so she could get it on with this boy. But that doesn't change your current situation. Which is the slippery slope your wife and this boy are on. Nothing's going to slow this down as long as you're out of the picture and he's meeting her emotional needs.

Get another job close to home, or move your family to you. Ask your wife to read "Not Just Friends". You can't even do counseling easily, due to the distance. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

tulsy said:


> Is this for real?
> 
> Obviously this would be inappropriate on every level.
> 
> Right now I'm not believing this story. Sorry.


It's real. Why? Please feel free to elaborate.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

PBear said:


> I see nothing that indicates your wife deliberately got you out of the picture so she could get it on with this boy. But that doesn't change your current situation. Which is the slippery slope your wife and this boy are on. Nothing's going to slow this down as long as you're out of the picture and he's meeting her emotional needs.
> 
> Get another job close to home, or move your family to you. Ask your wife to read "Not Just Friends". You can't even do counseling easily, due to the distance.
> 
> ...


There's no way that I feel she has intentionally put me out of the picture. I truly believe my wife to be simply naïve when it comes to these things. I don't think she sees the impact of her actions as her conscious motives are definitely innocent in my opinion. It's the subliminal things that drive me insane.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

She has bonded with the boy - maybe but not necessarily physically - because she's lonely.

I appreciate that work is important, but it shouldn't be more important than your wife.

Personally, I wouldn't set up home with somebody I could only see a handful of times a year. If I met Ms Right while doing such a job, I'd be quitting it ASAP.

It's not fair on her and it's not fair on you. Work and wives demand attention so it pays to be near where both of them are at.

Seeing so little of each other may work for some - by mutual agreement - but for most it won't.

30 - 40 is still young. Young enough to both have physical and emotional need and young enough for you to find another career or move your wife nearer to where you work (if she wants to).

Without one or the other, it's hard to envisage a happy future for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

anontoo said:


> Here's the thing, the boys mother knows about the time spent but I don't know to what extent she knows about the activities.


As a mother, if I found out some woman was allowing my child to:


Drive around without a valid license
Smoke cigarettes
Drive ATV without proper protective gear (aka shirtless)

That would be enough for me to now allow them to come over there ever again. Apparently this _trusted adult_ (aka your wife) has no concept of what is legal & what is not. 

There can be some serious liabilities for you due to your wife's reckless behavior with this boy. Tell your wife that if she doesn't know how to establish proper boundaries, then you will by contacting the boy's parents.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> She has bonded with the boy - maybe but not necessarily physically - because she's lonely.
> 
> I appreciate that work is important, but it shouldn't be more important than your wife.
> 
> ...


I'd enjoy nothing more than to be home full time. The issue being that my education disqualifies me for most employment opportunities where I live. Nothing available for those with higher education if you don't know the right people or go to the right church.
It's the difference between $18 max per hour and $50+per hour.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

JustTired said:


> As a mother, if I found out some woman was allowing my child to:
> 
> 
> Drive around without a valid license
> ...


Unless his wife sees what she's been doing as wrong, any boundaries the OP implements just mean that his wife will hide things better. Most likely. IMHO. Which is why he needs to be there, or she needs to be with him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

PBear said:


> Unless his wife sees what she's been doing as wrong, any boundaries the OP implements just mean that his wife will hide things better. Most likely. IMHO. Which is why he needs to be there, or she needs to be with him.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very true, the OP needs to be home more. :iagree:


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

This situation has "yikes" written all over it. From your distance, there likely isn't anything you can do. And if this kid's parents don't think that all this interaction is wrong, you probably won't find any allies there. Sex offender charges are a VERY real thing, yes, even to women.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

anontoo said:


> I truly believe my wife to be simply naïve when it comes to these things.


On the off chance you are actually legit, here's my two cents:

I've never met your wife but I can say with 99.99% certainty she is not that niave. Evil people ALWAYS play stupid. No one comes out and says "just so you know, I'm up to no good". The devil, my friend, is in the details. I'm not saying anything sexual is happening at the moment (though you really shouldn't be surprised if there were, there are more red flags in your story then an airport runway) but it's almost certainly only a matter of time if it hasn't. 

She clearly wants male attention. Plenty obvious she's attracted to the boy. They are both at their sexual peaks in their respective phases of life. I can promise you she's certainly fantasizing about it, if they both aren't. You need to stop acting the fool. Deliver the ultimatum now. Either it's the boy or you. Period. They go no contact and it might not be a bad idea to quit your job either cause she's clearly on the prowl and can't be trusted.

Your wife's lost all respect for you. Earn it back before it's too late!


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

Hi Lila, she's 12


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

And fair enough GA HEART. I hope it never gets to that point.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> On the off chance you are actually legit, here's my two cents:
> 
> I've never met your wife but I can say with 99.99% certainty she is not that niave. Evil people ALWAYS play stupid. No one comes out and says "just so you know, I'm up to no good". The devil, my friend, is in the details. I'm not saying anything sexual is happening at the moment (though you really shouldn't be surprised if there were, there are more red flags in your story then an airport runway) but it's almost certainly only a matter of time if it hasn't.
> 
> ...


Thank you very much for your two cents. Having read everyone's, I will be having a very cut and dry conversation today. 
Life being as short as it is, there's no time that should be allotted for these types of indiscretions. 
I sincerely appreciate the advice that's been provided and can assure you it will be acted upon post haste.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

As a post script, you've all echoed my thoughts. I did feel it best to see if others saw the same things as I did before I took action.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

anontoo said:


> As a post script, you've all echoed my thoughts. I did feel it best to see if others saw the same things as I did before I took action.


Nothing wrong with getting an outside opinion. Now, go out there & take action!:smthumbup:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

anontoo said:


> As a post script, you've all echoed my thoughts. I did feel it best to see if others saw the same things as I did before I took action.


Keep in mind that the advice you get is based only on what you wrote, which may or may not be the complete story... And be prepared to hear some unpleasant things in return, in your "cut and dry" conversation. I suspect your wife may have a resentment or two that she'd like to air in return. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

JustTired said:


> Nothing wrong with getting an outside opinion. Now, go out there & take action!:smthumbup:


On it like a bonnet. Thank you
:thumbup:


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

anontoo said:


> I'd enjoy nothing more than to be home full time. The issue being that my education disqualifies me for most employment opportunities where I live. Nothing available for those with higher education if you don't know the right people or go to the right church.
> It's the difference between $18 max per hour and $50+per hour.


I could've written that. The significant difference being that I've 'made the leap' to the lower wage and updated my outdated qualifications. I'm older than you, so if I can do it,,,,,.

My 'successful' friends all had to move away for their careers. Are they more comfortably off? Certainly. Are they happier than me? Some are AS happy, others seem downright miserable. Working too hard, drinking too much and in marriages of convenience where they live near-separate lives. Truly happy couples with great careers? I know TWO, and both of those had a game plan to balance those things from the get-go.

If you want a close, loving relationship it takes dedication,, as does a decent income (unless you're already qualified, in a high earning 'zone' or get lucky). More often than not, those things aren't mutually compatible so you have to prioritise one or the other or - as you've discovered - IT WON'T WORK.

I don't have the trappings of wealth but, even if somebody gave me a Ferrari, a jet ski or a yacht, I'd sell them. I'm low maintenance. I'd rather have a better set of headphones.

I DO have a low-paid and reasonably fulfilling job and solid, loving relationships with those around me. I wouldn't sacrifice them for anything material.

So, again, I suggest you prioritise one or the other. Once you get one, the other will follow. When circumstances don't allow, chasing both simultaneously will always be an uphill struggle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

PBear said:


> Keep in mind that the advice you get is based only on what you wrote, which may or may not be the complete story... And be prepared to hear some unpleasant things in return, in your "cut and dry" conversation. I suspect your wife may have a resentment or two that she'd like to air in return.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed PBear. Three sides to every story and all.....
At this point in my life, I'm prepared for whatever outcome presents itself from the conversation.
I'm very confident in my representation as it is the truth. She and I have had this kind of conversation before regarding similar inappropriate behavior. This is why I feel as though she may be naïve in how men (boys) behave. I don't know that it will ever change and if it's not going to, I'm not hanging around to be made the fool. 
I do love her immeasurably and I'm able to deal with many relationship issues and move on. I'm just not able to deal with inappropriate behavior toward and with other men no matter how innocuous she believes it to be.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Yeah I got into a situation like this when I was younger. 
I slept with her...a lot.

You need to go do a little mate gaurding.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> I could've written that. The significant difference being that I've 'made the leap' to the lower wage and updated my outdated qualifications. I'm older than you, so if I can do it,,,,,.
> 
> My 'successful' friends all had to move away for their careers. Are they more comfortably off? Certainly. Are they happier than me? Some are AS happy, others seem downright miserable. Working too hard, drinking too much and in marriages of convenience where they live near-separate lives. Truly happy couples with great careers? I know TWO, and both of those had a game plan to balance those things from the get-go.
> 
> ...


Very sincere Flying_Dutchman, much appreciated. I'll be certain to keep this in my head throughout what's going to be either a very short or very long conversation with my wife.

thank you again


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> Yeah I got into a situation like this when I was younger.
> I slept with her...a lot.
> 
> You need to go do a little mate gaurding.


Very unnerving and hopefully not the case in my situation. Were I to find it to be, It'll be a very lopsided divorce.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

Lila said:


> Any chance the 16 years old boy is in a relationship with your 12 year old daughter?


Hi Lila, I've made those inquiries and as much as she's a crush on him, there's nothing between them. 
When she goes places, the boy remains at my house. 
When my wife goes places, he's very quick to ask if he can join.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

anontoo said:


> Hi Lila, I've made those inquiries and as much as she's a crush on him, there's nothing between them.
> When she goes places, the boy remains at my house.
> When my wife goes places, he's very quick to ask if he can join.


So your 12 year old daughter has a crush on the 16 year old boy, and he has a crush on your wife.

Not a good situation for anyone, really. Maybe that's your lead-in to the conversation.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

JustTired said:


> Your wife is having a VERY inappropriate _friendship_ with this 16 year old boy. Boundaries are being blurred & she is now starting to omit certain details in an attempt to protect this boy. These are all bad signs, I think you know that already.
> 
> Now, your employment is not helping the relationship either. How can you expect to give your wife the attention she needs if you only see her several times a year? You need to put your foot down with this teenage boy, but how can you do that if you are never home? Is finding a new job an option at all? What about moving your family closer to where you are?
> 
> Something has got to give before your wife loses all her resolve & finds herself with sex offender charges.


:iagree:



Blonde said:


> *Give his mother that list*. I am the mom of teenage sons. They would not be coming around your wife any more.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

OP 
Think about how YOUR wife would feel if YOU were hanging around a young 16 year old girl, if you were driving her everywhere....


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Although inappropriate, you have left your wife to be on her own while she's in her sexual peak and wanting to be desired. Even if nothing is going on, she is craving that male attention because she isn't getting it from YOU.

Is your career or your marriage more important? Move your wife and daughter closer to your job and hire a firm to manage your properties, or move back and settle for the lower wages and make yourself relevant.

Eventually she'll get tired to taking a back-seat to your job.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

ne9907 said:


> OP
> Think about how YOUR wife would feel if YOU were hanging around a young 16 year old girl, if you were driving her everywhere....


Agreed!


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Although inappropriate, you have left your wife to be on her own while she's in her sexual peak and wanting to be desired. Even if nothing is going on, she is craving that male attention because she isn't getting it from YOU.
> 
> Is your career or your marriage more important? Move your wife and daughter closer to your job and hire a firm to manage your properties, or move back and settle for the lower wages and make yourself relevant.
> 
> Eventually she'll get tired to taking a back-seat to your job.


So if I may.....

Even with her supporting this career and encouraging my time here, you feel that it's having a derogatory affect? 
She benefits greatly from the financial comfort.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

anontoo said:


> •	My wife and daughter participated in putting baby oil on him for tanning



Did they now... 

And we find out she's 12. Were they putting it on him at the same time? It matters. One of them doing it and it's "hey, can you do me a favor? I can't reach my back". Slightly icky, but not too bad.

Both of them oiling him up together? WOW!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

anontoo said:


> So if I may.....
> 
> Even with her supporting this career and encouraging my time here, you feel that it's having a derogatory affect?
> She benefits greatly from the financial comfort.


But she's essentially a single mom. Missing out on the intimacy that makes a marriage different than a friendship. (As are you). 

How much longer is the job supposed to last? And why doesn't the family move with you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

anontoo said:


> So if I may.....
> 
> Even with her supporting this career and encouraging my time here, you feel that it's having a derogatory affect?
> She benefits greatly from the financial comfort.


She may have felt being supportive was the right thing to do or that she would be just fine during long times without you.

How do YOU handle not having a spouse in your bed every night? 

Things are just that. Things. They are not what you build a life with. YES IT'S HAVING A DEROGATORY EFFECT. That isn't a marriage - it's a Friends with Benefits situation. You are friends. She doesn't have to put up with you all that often. She has sex with you every now and then. The less she sees you the more her feelings for you will wane. I find it hard to believe you aren't becoming the same way. 

I swear this is trollish. Is anyone this naive?


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> She may have felt being supportive was the right thing to do or that she would be just fine during long times without you.
> 
> How do YOU handle not having a spouse in your bed every night?
> 
> ...


In all fairness, and not knowing what "trollish" means, I've always led myself to believe I was in a mature adult relationship with a marriage built on mutual trust and respect. Naïveté was never to play a roll. 
I have a very firm grasp on what my limitations are regarding relationships and have no need for extra marital attention. I consider the current situation she and I are in as working toward a common goal in life.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

PBear said:


> But she's essentially a single mom. Missing out on the intimacy that makes a marriage different than a friendship. (As are you).
> 
> How much longer is the job supposed to last? And why doesn't the family move with you?
> 
> ...


Good point PBear. Perhaps I'm not taking the right things into account.
I'm able to depart my current position any time I feel necessary. My families not joining me is due to the inhospitable environment within which I live.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Did they now...
> 
> And we find out she's 12. Were they putting it on him at the same time? It matters. One of them doing it and it's "hey, can you do me a favor? I can't reach my back". Slightly icky, but not too bad.
> 
> Both of them oiling him up together? WOW!


I'm honestly not sure MachoMcCoy but will be certain to include it in this evenings conversation.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

If it wasn't for the following statement I'd think your wife was just being a silly, middle aged woman with an embarrassing crush on a young 16 year old "hot" boy:



> While we (my wife, the boy, and I) were driving together, me driving, the boy tells my wife what to put on the radio and when to turn it up.


A 16 year old kid having the cajones to give your wife commands in your car, in front of you, has more than likely already tapped it.

Sorry. If your story isn't the latest troll bait, I think you need to move this discussion over to the coping with infidelity section and get their steps on how to sus out an affair. 

Because it sounds like your wife is either getting it, or giving it, to an underaged minor.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

jaquen said:


> If it wasn't for the following statement I'd think your wife was just being a silly, middle aged woman with an embarrassing crush on a young 16 year old "hot" boy:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


We'll see how it goes this evening. I very well may need to move it to the other discussion group. Please tell me what is "troll bait". Another person replied with something along the same lines.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Have the mother go through his phone also that's how these female teachers have been caught lately.
I'm serious there could be naked selfies and other stuff.
Sorry.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

anontoo said:


> I'm honestly not sure MachoMcCoy but will be certain to include it in this evenings conversation.


How do you know this happened if you didn't see it? Did your wife tell you?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So money is more important than your marriage, because that is what this comes down to. I know it sucks but you can't maintain a relationship with your wife getting home 3 or 4 times a year. You just can't.
What's going on here is highly inappropriate, but even if you put a stop to this your wife is still going to be very vulnerable to the attentions that she can't get from her husband. Eventually another guy will prey on that or she'll simply get used to life without you and detach. Your situation is not going work and this kid is a warning you should heed while you still have a marriage to save.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Have the mother go through his phone also that's how these female teachers have been caught lately.
> I'm serious there could be naked selfies and other stuff.
> Sorry.


No need for apologies here. 

I'm taking all of this information for what it is and I appreciate it.

Thank you


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How do you know this happened if you didn't see it? Did your wife tell you?


after I inquired why was there an oil stain on our comforter, yes.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

intheory said:


> Kick "the boy"  to the curb, pronto.
> 
> _ R _ L L
> 
> I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat.


The convo will be had tonight and _R_LL?? Is it another troll reference?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

anontoo said:


> after I inquired why was there an oil stain on our comforter, yes.


A comforter on your bed? I'd be wanting to know why the oil from his body got in my bed, how the oil got on him would be less important.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> So money is more important than your marriage, because that is what this comes down to. I know it sucks but you can't maintain a relationship with your wife getting home 3 or 4 times a year. You just can't.
> What's going on here is highly inappropriate, but even if you put a stop to this your wife is still going to be very vulnerable to the attentions that she can't get from her husband. Eventually another guy will prey on that or she'll simply get used to life without you and detach. Your situation is not going work and this kid is a warning you should heed while you still have a marriage to save.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you, point taken.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

To those who've said anything alluding to "troll", I got smart and looked it up. Who knew the internet was such a wealth of information, lol as follows


trolling 

    



Being a prick on the internet because you can. Typically unleashing one or more cynical or sarcastic remarks on an innocent by-stander, because it's the internet and, hey, you can. 

Guy: "I just found the coolest ninja pencil in existence." 
Other Guy: "I just found the most retarded thread in existence." 

Does that not make those implying I'm a troll trolls themselves? Am I missing something? I thought this site was for relationship problems.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

anontoo said:


> It's real. Why? Please feel free to elaborate.


Not necessary, it's just too obvious.


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

commonsenseisn't said:


> Not necessary, it's just too obvious.


I'd like to think not. Hence the reason for my inquiries. I want to trust my wife without question and hope it's mutual.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

anontoo said:


> I'd like to think not. Hence the reason for my inquiries. I want to trust my wife without question and hope it's mutual.


You can't. As others have pointed out, the relationship between your wife and the lad is inappropriate. No, she's not going to leave you for a 16 year old boy, but I and many others can tell you that from the 16 year old's point of view, this is a situation to die for.

He and your wife are, at best, having an emotional affair. At worst, he's either been seduced or has seduced your wife. I'd bet on the first one. 

And why not? She has needs, her intentions are purely physical, it is an excellent way to relieve tensions and as I said, I'd bet that she has no intention of leaving you at all.

If you want to save your marriage, you will be very careful about how you approach this with you wife. If you knew that they'd had sex, would you seek to divorce her?


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## anontoo (Nov 3, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> You can't. As others have pointed out, the relationship between your wife and the lad is inappropriate. No, she's not going to leave you for a 16 year old boy, but I and many others can tell you that from the 16 year old's point of view, this is a situation to die for.
> 
> He and your wife are, at best, having an emotional affair. At worst, he's either been seduced or has seduced your wife. I'd bet on the first one.
> 
> ...


I understand what you're saying Sidney and truly hope that it's not the worst case scenario for us. 
Were I to find out that she'd had sex with the boy, there will be a divorce. In fact, there will be a lot more negative ramifications impacting both of them. All above board of course for I've been out of my teens for a very long time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Well if his mother or father find bad things on his phone can't speak for them but I would be calling the police.
Then you would have to come back for the daughter.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

So what happened????


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Your marriage will fail if you continue to live apart. That's pretty much guaranteed. If you prefer the job to the marriage, then it doesn't really matter and you may as well continue as you are.

As for the boy, they are having an emotional affair and that's not going to stop because no one wants to admit that's what's happening, least of all you (and plus, it's a bit gross really). If it hasn't turned physical, just give it time, and give them time together, of which they have plenty, and it'll happen. When the cat's away the mice will play.

You have a part time marriage. Someone is going to fill that void.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

anontoo said:


> In all fairness, and not knowing what "trollish" means, I've always led myself to believe I was in a mature adult relationship with a marriage built on mutual trust and respect. Naïveté was never to play a roll.
> I have a very firm grasp on what my limitations are regarding relationships and have no need for extra marital attention. I consider the current situation she and I are in as working toward a common goal in life.


OK, I'll bite.

Troll in this instance implies this is a made up story only to garner attention and waste posters time by posting something so outrageous and overtly obvious that any normal person would see the writing on the wall.

YOU have a firm grasp on YOUR limitations in a relationship. And you are implying that her limitations are the same and that she also has a firm grasp of her limitations.

You also speak as if this marriage of yours is a business arrangement. You work and provide a nice lifestyle, screw her every now and then because there is some level of attraction. She produces a child and you appear to be a successful family man in the circles you socialize in. Win-win. 

NOT.

A marriage is a relationship (I'm not talking down, I'm merely pointing out what appears to be a shortfall in your perception) and all relationships require attention. Not just phone calls or emails to review the finances, repairs, purchases, etc. - those don't count as "quality time". You have very little quality time together. You are just business partners right now. Her real relationship is with the 16y/o - with or without sex. He is the one who spends days and evenings with her, is her helpmate, who gives her attention and makes her feel lovely and desirable and capable.

And the reason this whole things comes across as trollish is who would think someone who is successful and articulate could be so completely ignorant (not my first choice but more PC) about interpersonal relationships. What you have is a long-distance relationship and those rarely work.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> OK, I'll bite.
> 
> Troll in this instance implies this is a made up story only to garner attention and waste posters time by posting something so outrageous and overtly obvious that any normal person would see the writing on the wall.


Yep. Inconsistencies in the story line are red flags.

I noticed the OP reports they have been married for 6 years yet the daughter is 12. Whose child is she?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

anontoo said:


> after I inquired why was there an oil stain on our comforter, yes.


So your wife and your 12 yo daughter were oiling up a 16 yo boy together.... in your bedroom... on your bed?

Makes sense, I know when I go tanning the first thing I do is grab some girls in bikinis, jump in my bed and oil up.

Dying to hear how this conversation you had last night turned out. Please continue...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> So your wife and your 12 yo daughter were oiling up a 16 yo boy together.... in your bedroom... on your bed?
> 
> Makes sense, I know when I go tanning the first thing I do is grab some girls in bikinis, jump in my bed and oil up.
> 
> Dying to hear how this conversation you had last night turned out. Please continue...


Caddyshack - Well? We're Waiting - YouTube


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Caddyshack - Well? We're Waiting - YouTube


:rofl: Worth reading this thread to come to This! Thanks. Made my day. :lol:


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Anontoo

How are things going?


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## TheHappyGuy (Aug 27, 2012)

anontoo said:


> So if I may.....
> 
> Even with her supporting this career and encouraging my time here, you feel that it's having a derogatory affect?
> She benefits greatly from the financial comfort.


Sorry, I skipped a few posts but I agree that your wife will get tired of you being away all the time even if she's supportive atm. Money's great but in the long run doesn't bring happiness and it certainly doesn't substitute you being around. 

I've worked on FIFO jobs for short periods and all the guys talk about how things are difficult at home. One said that before his missus was always whinching about not having enough money and now that he works away making big dollars she complains about being lonely. 

You also miss seeing your daughter grow up.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

OP, you don't mention whether you or your wife is paying this 16 yo for the legit work that he is doing. 

If you are not paying him, I suggest that you do and retroactively.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

anontoo said:


> There's no way that I feel she has intentionally put me out of the picture. I truly believe my wife to be simply naïve when it comes to these things. I don't think she sees the impact of her actions as her conscious motives are definitely innocent in my opinion. It's the subliminal things that drive me insane.


She may not have put you out of the picture intentionally, but, I strongly believe your W knows what she is doing with the young man. I do not for one second believe she is naive in any aspect of this problem relationship.


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