# Encouraging wife to look sexy



## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Is it okay for guys to encourage their LT partners/wives to look sexy (clothes make up etc)???


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Do you want her to dress up for you?
Or do you want her to dress up so you can show other people that you have a hot wife?
There’s a big difference and if it’s the latter then it’s you who has a problem not your wife.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Has she done the sexy thing at all since you've known her? If my man suggested I go put on makeup I'd go grab my lip gloss lol...I wouldn't know where to begin. But if he desired something within my capabilities, heck yeah I'd give it to him.


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Imagirl said:


> Has she done the sexy thing at all since you've known her? If my man suggested I go put on makeup I'd go grab my lip gloss lol...I wouldn't know where to begin. But if he desired something within my capabilities, heck yeah I'd give it to him.
> [/





Imagirl said:


> Has she done the sexy thing at all since you've known her? If my man suggested I go put on makeup I'd go grab my lip gloss lol...I wouldn't know where to begin. But if he desired something within my capabilities, heck yeah I'd give it to him.


I guess she’s being encouraged to do more of the sexy thing, if that makes sense?!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Electric Prune said:


> I guess she’s being encouraged to do more of the sexy thing, if that makes sense?!


It doesn't. You didn't answer her question, or Andy's, you just restated yours.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My now ex-husband always wanted me to dress far sexier than I was personally comfortable with. It took a while, but I finally realized that what he liked was both other people's reactions _and_ my discomfort. The more of both, the better. He didn't so much care about me looking sexy for him, he liked and encouraged other men's attention (the more overt and/or lewd the better) and he liked that I was uncomfortable with that sort of attention from strange men. 

So, if it's looking sexy for him, I think that's fine. If it's because he likes the attention it draws or likes making her feel uncomfortable, even unsafe, due to other people's attention? Yeah, that's a problem.


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> Do you want her to dress up for you?
> Or do you want her to dress up so you can show other people that you have a hot wife?
> There’s a big difference and if it’s the latter then it’s you who has a problem not your wife.


The former I think


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Electric Prune said:


> I guess she’s being encouraged to do more of the sexy thing, if that makes sense?!


What I mean is, yes, she has done the sexy thing. I encourage her to do more than she might independently choose to do


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'd be turned off by the suggestion, given your reason for it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It depends on a variety of things, but in general, I'd say it is okay to encourage her (not demand). My wife also wants me to look good in public, and has her preferences for what I wear at home in private. We usually accommodate each other on this, as appropriate.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Electric Prune said:


> Is it okay for guys to encourage their LT partners/wives to look sexy (clothes make up etc)???


Sure, it's okay to ask. But you may not get the reaction you expect. You are basically telling your wife she doesn't look good and needs nicer clothes and make up to make her sexy to you. Women don't want to hear that man. Tell her she's hot when she just wakes up sometime. Then plan a romantic dinner out at a nice restaurant and tell her you want both of you to dress up and make it special.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Electric Prune said:


> Is it okay for guys to encourage their LT partners/wives to look sexy (clothes make up etc)???


Do you really think encouraging her to dress sexier would help with her anxiety and depression? Do you think, it might possibly, be adding to her anxiety and depression?



Electric Prune said:


> Anyone have any experience of being with a long term partner who suffers from poor mental health (in my case anxiety and depression) and how best to support this? My wife can be cheery and fun-loving but at other times very low. I feel like I try everything (talking, cuddling, doing more household chores) but to little avail.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Buy her a dress and some cute boots and tell her you're talking her out. 
Don't go way out of her zone though, you don't wanna but a granny panty girl a thong and expect her to strut it lol


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Do you really think encouraging her to dress sexier would help with her anxiety and depression? Do you think, it might possibly, be adding to her anxiety and depression?


I suppose there’s a connection. I don’t know? That’s why I’m seeking people’s views.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> Do you want her to dress up for you?
> Or do you want her to dress up so you can show other people that you have a hot wife?
> There’s a big difference and if it’s the latter then it’s you who has a problem not your wife.


Nothing wrong with wanting the one your with to look good while you are out and others be able to see it. If you've got it, show it off a little.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

GutShot7 said:


> Nothing wrong with wanting the one your with to look good while you are out and others be able to see it. If you've got it, show it off a little.


How's that working for you?


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> How's that working for you?


???


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> Do you really think encouraging her to dress sexier would help with her anxiety and depression? Do you think, it might possibly, be adding to her anxiety and depression?


Bullseye 😜


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Nothing wrong with wanting the one your with to look good while you are out and others be able to see it. If you've got it, show it off a little.


As said by every guy ever.........who needs a hot date for his own validation. 
Do you see your wife/girlfriend as an ornament, a bit like an expensive watch which you like to show off when you get the opportunity?
A man who feels the need to “show off” his wife or girlfriend is trying to prove to everybody (including himself) that he’s the real deal, a man about town with a pretty girl on his arm. 
In reality he has no self esteem and probably feels that his date is out of his league. 
Which she is. In fact any woman is out of his league.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

When I leave my house, I'm always well groomed and presentable. There is no way I would wear tattered work or lounge clothes anywhere. I'm always clean shaved and even dislike leaving the house later in the day with 5 o'clock shadow.

I do this for myself. However, I also would want the woman I'm with to be happy to be seen with me.

I don't think there is anything wrong for spouses wanting each other to be attractive in public. I have a problem with when the attractive turns into being sexually revealing. A see-through blouse with a sexy bra is pushing it if the woman is not comfortable wearing it. If she is confortable then fine, just don't ask her to lose the bra. Lol.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> As said by every guy ever.........who needs a hot date for his own validation.
> Do you see your wife/girlfriend as an ornament, a bit like an expensive watch which you like to show off when you get the opportunity?
> A man who feels the need to “show off” his wife or girlfriend is trying to prove to everybody (including himself) that he’s the real deal, a man about town with a pretty girl on his arm.
> In reality he has no self esteem and probably feels that his date is out of his league.
> Which she is. In fact any woman is out of his league.


Nothing wrong with wanting to be thought well of by others. Nothing wrong with others thinking you are attractive. Having someone attractive "on your arm" can also elevate your overall attractiveness. All good things. Not much point in looking good if others don't see it. A beautiful painting doesnt do any good if it's not displayed for others to enjoy.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Nothing wrong with wanting to be thought well of by others. Nothing wrong with others thinking you are attractive. Having someone attractive "on your arm" can also elevate your overall attractiveness. All good things. Not much point in looking good if others don't see it. A beautiful painting doesnt do any good if it's not displayed for others to enjoy.


In one of your threads you say your wife doesn’t take your advice very well and actually tells you to “go away” when you offer it. You say that you’re more intelligent than her and you “know best” when it comes to almost everything. 
Have you any idea how you come across?
You belittle your wife and then want her to dress up and look good “on your arm”.
You are some prize dude.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> In one of your threads you say your wife doesn’t take your advice very well and actually tells you to “go away” when you offer it. You say that you’re more intelligent than her and you “know best” when it comes to almost everything.
> Have you any idea how you come across?
> You belittle your wife and then want her to dress up and look good “on your arm”.
> You are some prize dude.


That was one specific situation where she made that comment, I used it because it happened that day. After a couple days she admitted I was right about that specific thing through her actions. There is no belittling her. 
Where did I state that i know best when it comes to almost everything? 
Who doesnt want someone looking good with them? I want to look good and be a "prize" on her arm as well. 
For many reasons, I am a prize. You just are zoomed in the minor details you dont like and making large assumptions.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think when men want their women to dress in some sexy way that is not natural to them, that it usually makes them mad and also makes them suspect that they are either watching too much porn and wanting them to emulate it or some other thing like strippers. Unless it's her own idea, you can't expect a woman to want to dress up like a hooker. 

You also have to consider the fact that it's possible she doesn't want to make you feel more sexy to where you're wanting to have more sex with her and is fine with the pace just as it is. A lot of women would be embarrassed and humiliated to wear sleazy underwear and clothing. You should really just leave it alone.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> That was one specific situation where she made that comment, I used it because it happened that day. After a couple days she admitted I was right about that specific thing through her actions. There is no belittling her.
> Where did I state that i know best when it comes to almost everything?
> Who doesnt want someone looking good with them? I want to look good and be a "prize" on her arm as well.
> For many reasons, I am a prize. You just are zoomed in the minor details you dont like and making large assumptions.





GutShot7 said:


> That was one specific situation where she made that comment, I used it because it happened that day. After a couple days she admitted I was right about that specific thing through her actions. There is no belittling her.
> Where did I state that i know best when it comes to almost everything?
> Who doesnt want someone looking good with them? I want to look good and be a "prize" on her arm as well.
> For many reasons, I am a prize. You just are zoomed in the minor details you dont like and making large assumptions.


If you need to ASK a date/girlfriend/wife to try and look attractive when you go out then its kinda sad.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Do that for the hubby alone...yes. Not for reaction from other guys. I want my wife to look like a lady in public, the sexy should be reserved for hubby's eyes.

Bad thing is there are those that will sex themselves up to go out, but hubby gets sweats and bed head. That is wrong. Shows hubby he is not as important to look good for as the other guys/people outside the marriage.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

I disagree with the just leave it alone. I think in a relationship you should be open about your wants, your needs, your dreams, your fantasies. You probably won't see all of them happen and you should be ok with that. But if your partner doesn't know what you're thinking of you're much less likely to get it.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> If you need to ASK a date/girlfriend/wife to try and look attractive when you go out then its kinda sad.


I never said I ask her to, that's the OP. I agree its sad, shouldn't have to ask, people should just try to look good in their own.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

GutShot7 said:


> That was one specific situation where she made that comment, I used it because it happened that day. After a couple days she admitted I was right about that specific thing through her actions. There is no belittling her.
> Where did I state that i know best when it comes to almost everything?
> Who doesnt want someone looking good with them? I want to look good and be a "prize" on her arm as well.
> For many reasons, I am a prize. You just are zoomed in the minor details you dont like and making large assumptions.


The problem is when your ideas of what a "prize" is differs. If your wife is not comfortable in sexy outfits and you tell her she needs to wear them to be a prize, she's hearing that she is not good enough for you. She hears "you can only be attractive if you become someone you are not" and that can definitely lead to anxiety and depression. 

I like to look good when I go out too but I'm not one to let it all hang out. I have one top that shows some cleavage and BF loves it. He always compliments me when I wear it. I once asked if it was too low cut. He said "nope, you could even show more!" but he NEVER asks me to wear that top when we go out. If I do he's pleasantly surprised and enjoys it. If not, he compliments me on what I chose instead. He finds something positive about anything I choose to wear and comments on it. I know he prefers when I dress up a little but only because his compliments are more enthusiastic on those days. I'm sure he doesn't even realize he is doing it. But I pay attention so that I can please him. Some days I choose to dress up because I know he'll enjoy it and some days, for whatever reason, I wear the non dressy stuff. Either way, he still loves me and I know it. That's how you make her feel confident about herself.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just take her out. Rare do women go under-dressed.

Disclaimer: My experience at least =/


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> The problem is when your ideas of what a "prize" is differs. If your wife is not comfortable in sexy outfits and you tell her she needs to wear them to be a prize, she's hearing that she is not good enough for you. She hears "you can only be attractive if you become someone you are not" and that can definitely lead to anxiety and depression.
> 
> I like to look good when I go out too but I'm not one to let it all hang out. I have one top that shows some cleavage and BF loves it. He always compliments me when I wear it. I once asked if it was too low cut. He said "nope, you could even show more!" but he NEVER asks me to wear that top when we go out. If I do he's pleasantly surprised and enjoys it. If not, he compliments me on what I chose instead. He finds something positive about anything I choose to wear and comments on it. I know he prefers when I dress up a little but only because his compliments are more enthusiastic on those days. I'm sure he doesn't even realize he is doing it. But I pay attention so that I can please him. Some days I choose to dress up because I know he'll enjoy it and some days, for whatever reason, I wear the non dressy stuff. Either way, he still loves me and I know it. That's how you make her feel confident about herself.


My wife knows things I like her to wear and things I dont. She wears both. She hasnt worn anything I would call "sexy" out in public in a long time though. She likes to look good and feel good in what she wears, but doesnt show much off anymore. 
I dont really say much anymore, just disappointing.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

GutShot7 said:


> My wife knows things I like her to wear and things I dont. She wears both. She hasnt worn anything I would call "sexy" out in public in a long time though. She likes to look good and feel good in what she wears, but doesnt show much off anymore.
> I dont really say much anymore, just disappointing.


I know and can picture what my wife has underneath her clothes, it is not for other men's eyes to see or fantasize about.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> I know and can picture what my wife has underneath her clothes, it is not for other men's eyes to see or fantasize about.


Not for other men to touch. Looking and thinking about, shouldn't be an issue to you, has no impact on your marriage. Unless you are the jealous type.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Nothing wrong with wanting the one your with to look good while you are out and others be able to see it. If you've got it, show it off a little.


Why do you need to 'show it off a little?'. Maybe thats to do with something lacking in you? Honestly neither of us are bothered what each other wears outside, although I occasionally suggest that he changes his paint covered t shirt and puts on another one if we are going out.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Not for other men to touch. Looking and thinking about, shouldn't be an issue to you, has no impact on your marriage. Unless you are the jealous type.


Why would you wnat other men seeing your wife in that way?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dadto2 said:


> Sure, it's okay to ask. But you may not get the reaction you expect. You are basically telling your wife she doesn't look good and needs nicer clothes and make up to make her sexy to you. Women don't want to hear that man. Tell her she's hot when she just wakes up sometime. Then plan a romantic dinner out at a nice restaurant and tell her you want both of you to dress up and make it special.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Nothing wrong with wanting to be thought well of by others. Nothing wrong with others thinking you are attractive. Having someone attractive "on your arm" can also elevate your overall attractiveness. All good things. Not much point in looking good if others don't see it. A beautiful painting doesnt do any good if it's not displayed for others to enjoy.


Oh no, not the 'beautiful painting' comment.  You seem to care an awful lot about what other people think of you.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Why do you need to 'show it off a little?'. Maybe thats to do with something lacking in you?


Evee heard the phrase, if you've got it, flaunt it. Looking good doesnt acc8mplish anything if nobody sees it. Iys like I said in another post, a beautiful piece of artwork does no good hidden in a basement, take it out and display it for people to enjoy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Oh no, not the 'beautiful painting' comment.





GutShot7 said:


> I never said I ask her to, that's the OP. I agree its sad, shouldn't have to ask, people should just try to look good in their own.


Maybe they are happy in themselves think they look fine.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Evee heard the phrase, if you've got it, flaunt it. Looking good doesnt acc8mplish anything if nobody sees it. Iys like I said in another post, a beautiful piece of artwork does no good hidden in a basement, take it out and display it for people to enjoy.


Yes I have heard that saying but I dont agree with it. Flaunting anything, whether its money, possessions or looks seems wrong to me. Its boasting and trying to 'get one over' on other people. I honestly dont care what others think of me or my husband and how we look, its each other who matter.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Maybe they are happy in themselves think they look fine.


They might look fine, they also might look no more than presentable. Also depends on what you are going for. Mood can impact it. Sometimes I go out and dont care, just on a mission to get things done. Others times its more relaxed and I'm hoping I turn a few heads.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> The problem is when your ideas of what a "prize" is differs. If your wife is not comfortable in sexy outfits and you tell her she needs to wear them to be a prize, she's hearing that she is not good enough for you. She hears "you can only be attractive if you become someone you are not" and that can definitely lead to anxiety and depression.
> 
> I like to look good when I go out too but I'm not one to let it all hang out. I have one top that shows some cleavage and BF loves it. He always compliments me when I wear it. I once asked if it was too low cut. He said "nope, you could even show more!" but he NEVER asks me to wear that top when we go out. If I do he's pleasantly surprised and enjoys it. If not, he compliments me on what I chose instead. He finds something positive about anything I choose to wear and comments on it. I know he prefers when I dress up a little but only because his compliments are more enthusiastic on those days. I'm sure he doesn't even realize he is doing it. But I pay attention so that I can please him. Some days I choose to dress up because I know he'll enjoy it and some days, for whatever reason, I wear the non dressy stuff. Either way, he still loves me and I know it. That's how you make her feel confident about herself.


Yep, its like saying that she isnt attractive enough or good enough as she is, so must be someone who she isnt. Great way to make someone feel less depressed and anxious, not.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> They might look fine, they also might look no more than presentable. Also depends on what you are going for. Mood can impact it. Sometimes I go out and dont care, just on a mission to get things done. Others times its more relaxed and I'm hoping I turn a few heads.


Thats the thing, I am not interested in turning a few heads. I dont need that sort of attention and validation. I only care what my husband thinks. As I said you are too focused on what others think of you.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Yes I have heard that saying but I dont agree with it. Flaunting anything, whether its money, possessions or looks seems wrong to me. Its boasting and trying to 'get one over' on other people. I honestly dont care what others think of me or my husband and how we look, its each other who matter.


For certain things I agree, especially money, but for looks, God gave us beautiful things in this world to look at, no point in hiding them.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

My motto: simple, elegant, and chic. Not slutty, trashy, and come on **** me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Wanting your spouse to look nice is one thing, but sexy is another. I would hope my partner thinks I look sexy when I look good.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't know.. what does looking sexier look like?

Can't say this is something I've experienced with my man. Typically, I dress quite conservatively and I guess what would be considered 'feminine'. I don't consciously think I want to appear 'conservative' - just happens to be those are the options I like and feel comfortable in. And I'll consistently wear make-up when going out. I explain that to say a few years ago, Batman and I were out on the town, I was wearing a 50s style swing dress. Another couple walking ahead of us; she was wearing a sexy-stylish dress. So I asked Batman his opinion on switching up my look like that. He asked if I wanted to. I replied it wasn't really my style. He basically responded, 'you do you'. Although I've now switched up my look to flowing dresses instead. Anyway, I digress...

While he may buy me lingerie from time-to-time, he generally expresses that he finds me sexy. Which I find very strange at times. Like wearing baggy old sweatpants, no make-up... 'Really... even like this?' haha. And he will suggest that naked is even better. He's indicated that I don't need to _try_ as he finds me sexy whatever the weather. And the role-on affect that occurs, is from me thinking I look like crap - to being flirty with him.

Nothing wrong with making an effort for one another, appearance wise. However, the sexiness is more than just the wrapping and bows. Granted, wrapping and bows can be fun, too. If your wife is having bouts of anxiety and depression, this may just feel quite demotivating for her. It depends what you mean... if you were setting up a date night at home, where you suggested you both dress up like you're going out, then maybe she'd be into that. But I have no idea what your wife is like, what's important to her, the dynamic between you, or any of that.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

GutShot7 said:


> Not for other men to touch. Looking and thinking about, shouldn't be an issue to you, has no impact on your marriage. Unless you are the jealous type.


Didn't say anything about touch. Neither should not want some other man fantasizing about what he wants to do to your spouse.


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## lj2932 (Jul 21, 2020)

heartsbeating said:


> I don't know.. what does looking sexier look like?


Therein lies the rub. Define sexy. 

Also matters how you put it across.

So many possibilities!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I’m all for looking beautiful, gorgeous, classic etc. and I like the subtle sexy look of people’s individual style. 
But if my partner told me to look more sexy... that just rubs me the wrong way, maybe because I’m thinking sexy as in super impractical in your face sexy. 

What I automatically jump to when someone says dress more sexy I think of lots of makeup, tight revealing clothes, and uncomfortable shoes. That to me is the obvious in your face sexy.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

GutShot7 said:


> Nothing wrong with wanting to be thought well of by others. Nothing wrong with others thinking you are attractive. Having someone attractive "on your arm" can also elevate your overall attractiveness. All good things. Not much point in looking good if others don't see it. A beautiful painting doesnt do any good if it's not displayed for others to enjoy.


Ew. I don't think you realize that not everyone thinks like this, and that no, your way of thinking isn't necessarily the best or correct or the only way.

Your thoughts remind me of the type of personality that needs ego kibbles (as they are called on a popular infidelity forum).

A big blech to the idea that it's such a "good thing" having someone attractive on your arm to _elevate_ your own attractiveness. How nauseating and shallow. 

And, FYI.... whenever I see an average guy with a more attractive woman, it NEVER elevates HIS attractiveness level in my opinion. He's just as average as ever.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Ew. I don't think you realize that not everyone thinks like this, and that no, your way of thinking isn't necessarily the best or correct or the only way.
> 
> Your thoughts remind me of the type of personality that needs ego kibbles (as they are called on a popular infidelity forum).
> 
> ...


If you have an avg looking person with a more attractive person it usually means that avg person makes up for it in other ways. That is what adds to the attraction, not physical, but the whole person. At that point there is intrigue, wonder what it is they bring to the table that puts them over the top, that elevates them over others.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Give an example of the type of clothes you want your wife to wear. 

Sexy can be a variety of styles.


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> Give an example of the type of clothes you want your wife to wear.
> 
> Sexy can be a variety of styles.


Above-knee dresses, open toe shoes, nail varnish, lipstick. For afters, skimpy, lacey knickers.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

GutShot7 said:


> If you have an avg looking person with a more attractive person it usually means that avg person makes up for it in other ways. That is what adds to the attraction, not physical, but the whole person. At that point there is intrigue, wonder what it is they bring to the table that puts them over the top, that elevates them over others.


You are erroneously thinking that others in public are going to pay you that much attention and evaluate and elevate you because of who you are with. Do you have narcissistic tendencies?

If you want me to be honest, when I see a way more attractive woman with a more average man and for some reason I'm forced to assess it, my default thought is that he has $$$ and that's why she's with him, and I don't think MORE of the man about it, I usually think less of him (that either he's too unaware to know she's with him in large part for the money, or if he does then he's probably just using her as well, to some extent, for her looks).


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> You are erroneously thinking that others in public are going to pay you that much attention and evaluate and elevate you because of who you are with. Do you have narcissistic tendencies?
> 
> If you want me to be honest, when I see a way more attractive woman with a more average man and for some reason I'm forced to assess it, my default thought is that he has $$$ and that's why she's with him, and I don't think MORE of the man about it, I usually think less of him (that either he's too unaware to know she's with him in large part for the money, or if he does then he's probably just using her as well, to some extent, for her looks).


If there is a Major difference in attraction level then yes money could be involved. And I'm not just focusing on the woman being more attractive, these situations go both ways. 
Also, I am always observing other people and analyzing them for a vast variety of reasons. To me it is just a natural thing to do. It's not all about me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Electric Prune said:


> Above-knee dresses, open toe shoes, nail varnish, lipstick. For afters, skimpy, lacey knickers.


Much much above the knee?
Also wearing heels is a pain in this ass unless you like to wear them. I love shoes, and nice expensive heels and I still only wear them a few times a year.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Electric Prune said:


> Above-knee dresses, open toe shoes, nail varnish, lipstick. For afters, skimpy, lacey knickers.


Well... 

I don't think a lot of women dress sexy very often. I know I don't.

I don't wear heels, I hate nail polish, and don't wear lipstick either. 

Lacy knickers? Sometimes.

What's your age? 

My husband likes it when I wear dresses, but he likes me wearing something that makes me feel comfortable. He buys me clothes and underwear. 

If my husband wanted me to look sexy for others it would feel very weird. I want to make my husband proud but not like I'm his arm candy. That's weird.

Your wife never wears anything sexy?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> For certain things I agree, especially money, but for looks, God gave us beautiful things in this world to look at, no point in hiding them.


yet modestly can be very attractive.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> For certain things I agree, especially money, but for looks, God gave us beautiful things in this world to look at, no point in hiding them.


Yet God tells men not to lust after other women, so as I see it women need to keep a balance.There is feminine and there is straight up provocative. If their husbands are encouraging them to go out dressed in a way that will make men stare at them, how is that helping those other men or their partners?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> Do that for the hubby alone...yes. Not for reaction from other guys. I want my wife to look like a lady in public, the sexy should be reserved for hubby's eyes.
> 
> Bad thing is there are those that will sex themselves up to go out, but hubby gets sweats and bed head. That is wrong. Shows hubby he is not as important to look good for as the other guys/people outside the marriage.


But that's because she already knows he's seen her every which way and not many people dress to the nines at home alone when they're relaxing. Certainly sweats and sloppy dressing is often carried too far when it would be just as easy not to look as comfortable as you feel by wearing better clothes at home and elsewhere that just fit and aren't just all baggy. But who's really the worst at dressing nice, men or women?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Yet God tells men not to lust after other women, so as I see it women need to keep a balance.There is feminine and there is straight up provocative. If their husbands are encouraging them to go out dressed in a way that will make men stare at them, *how is that helping those other men or their partners?*


It isn't helping.

The good news though, is God created the burqa as a solution to fix that problem.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Yet God tells men not to lust after other women, so as I see it women need to keep a balance.There is feminine and there is straight up provocative. If their husbands are encouraging them to go out dressed in a way that will make men stare at them, how is that helping those other men or their partners?


Lust is one of those things that I don't think is all that bad. If it is, well, forgive me. I don't agree with the "sins of thought."


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> It isn't helping.
> 
> The good news though, is God created the burqa as a solution to fix that problem.


The good news in that he did no such thing.


GutShot7 said:


> Lust is one of those things that I don't think is all that bad. If it is, well, forgive me. I don't agree with the "sins of thought."


You mentioned that apparently God has given people bodies for us to look at, I was just mentioning what He actually says about that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> Lust is one of those things that I don't think is all that bad. If it is, well, forgive me. I don't agree with the "sins of thought."


Where the mind goes the man follows.


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## Jethro (Aug 16, 2013)

Electric Prune said:


> Is it okay for guys to encourage their LT partners/wives to look sexy (clothes make up etc)???


You are well within your rights to let her know what turns you on. I would suggest that if she doesn't willingly do that for you that she doesn't think of you that way.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> The good news in that he did no such thing.
> 
> You mentioned that apparently God has given people bodies for us to look at, I was just mentioning what He actually says about that.


And I followed by saying that I dont agree with the "thought sins". Never have. 



Diana7 said:


> Where the mind goes the man follows.


Not if the man has self control.


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Much much above the knee?
> Also wearing heels is a pain in this ass unless you like to wear them. I love shoes, and nice expensive heels and I still only wear them a few times a year.





pastasauce79 said:


> Well...
> 
> I don't think a lot of women dress sexy very often. I know I don't.
> 
> ...


I’m not that fussed about heels. And she doesn’t like wearing them anyway. She had a nice pair of kitten heels I like her to wear if we go out in the evening. We are in our 40s. Shirt dresses are my favourite I guess.

She often wears what I find to be sexy clothes. For the first time ever I recently asked here ‘Will you wear something sexy tomorrow?’ I’m not expecting her to do anything different to what she often already does. She has told me she likes to be desired, so I guess I’m helping to facilitate that!

I agree, most women - and men - increasingly as they get older, only rarely dress well (sexy, stylish or whatever). I think this is a shame.

Do you never feel like dressing up to get your man going?


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Much much above the knee?
> Also wearing heels is a pain in this ass unless you like to wear them. I love shoes, and nice expensive heels and I still only wear them a few times a year.


People keep talking about heels. I never mentioned them. She doesn’t like wearing them and I have no interest in them either. I love her in open toe flats, especially clogs.

As for the dress, as high as possible. You need to see a bit of underwear when she’s doing the housework!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GutShot7 said:


> And I followed by saying that I dont agree with the "thought sins". Never have.
> 
> 
> Not if the man has self control.


The self control comes with not ogling other women. The thought sins are what the Bible says, not me. What we allow ourselves to look at and hear affects us inside.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Electric Prune said:


> Not that bothered about heels. Like open toe clogs. Anything above the knee for me.
> 
> I’m not that fussed about heels. And she doesn’t like wearing them anyway. She had a nice pair of kitten heels I like her to wear if we go out in the evening. We are in our 40s. Shirt dresses are my favourite I guess.
> 
> ...


I would wear anything my husband wanted for him in private in our home/bedroom, and I regularly ask him. Going out is a different matter. Not going to wear provocative clothing for other men, and thanfully he wouldnt want me to, he likes modesty.


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I would wear anything my husband wanted for him in private in our home/bedroom, and I regularly ask him. Going out is a different matter. Not going to wear provocative clothing for other men, and thanfully he wouldnt want me to, he likes modesty.


That’s good of you. What sort of things do you wear for him in private? Or doesn’t he ask?


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> Well...
> 
> I don't think a lot of women dress sexy very often. I know I don't.
> 
> ...


We are in our 40s. Yes, she naturally dresses very sexily I think. I have recently begun to encourage it. I don’t really want her to look sexy for others. She doesn’t like heels and neither do I


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Electric Prune said:


> Do you never feel like dressing up to get your man going?


Yes I do. It's a fun thing to do.

I think you didn't explain yourself well when you posted this. I think every partner likes it when their significant other dresses nice for them. It's makes me feel good. It makes me feel important. 

You say your wife does dress nice. What else do you want or need from her?


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> Yes I do. It's a fun thing to do.
> 
> I think you didn't explain yourself well when you posted this. I think every partner likes it when their significant other dresses nice for them. It's makes me feel good. It makes me feel important.
> 
> You say your wife does dress nice. What else do you want or need from her?


Nothing really!


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> The thought sins are what the Bible says, not me. What we allow ourselves to look at and hear affects us inside.


Is the OP Christian? Because if he's not. This doesn't apply to him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Electric Prune said:


> People keep talking about heels. I never mentioned them. She doesn’t like wearing them and I have no interest in them either. I love her in open toe flats, especially clogs.
> 
> As for the dress, as high as possible. You need to see a bit of underwear when she’s doing the housework!


What's wrong with this picture?


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> Is the OP Christian? Because if he's not. This doesn't apply to him.


He’s not


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Electric Prune said:


> Nothing really!


If you wanted to know if you were the only one wanting your wife to dress nice, you're not the only one.

I want my husband to dress nice. There's no way I would go out with him wearing sweat pants and crocs (I f...ing hate Crocs.)

You can buy stuff for your wife. My husband is practical and he sends me links for lingerie stores (I get the hint.) You can do the same. Or buy her a make up store gift certificate. Something girly she can enjoy. I don't like too much make-up but I like lipgloss.

Complement her when she wears something you like. Positive reinforcement works!

Good luck!


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> If you wanted to know if you were the only one wanting your wife to dress nice, you're not the only one.
> 
> I want my husband to dress nice. There's no way I would go out with him wearing sweat pants and crocs (I f...ing hate Crocs.)
> 
> ...


Thanks!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> Complement her when she wears something you like. Positive reinforcement works!
> 
> Good luck!


Yes yes yes. Positive things only. I hate it when a partner suggests something different then what I’m doing, it makes me feel bad, and it makes me not want to try. Oh you should wear more makeup, you should wear dresses more, you should wear your hair down more etc. ah I hate it! How about when I do it, you compliment it. When dealing with peoples looks, I think it’s all about compliments.


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## lj2932 (Jul 21, 2020)

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "I would love it if you wore dresses/red lipstick/wore your hair down..." etc. In public, I would go a bit out of my comfort zone for my husband if it genuinely made him happy. Not massively. There are limits. In private, hell if he wanted me to dress as a Klingon and insult him, I'd do it! 

I have come to the conclusion that, if you are in a mutually respectful, loving relationship, if your significant other would really like you to do something for them, unless it's illegal, totally immoral or so far out of your comfort zone that it induces a panic attack, you're best off to seriously consider doing it. Why wouldn't you want to make them happy, and vice versa?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> Is the OP Christian? Because if he's not. This doesn't apply to him.


My reply was started by what was said here 'For certain things I agree, especially money, but for looks, God gave us beautiful things in this world to look at, no point in hiding them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Electric Prune said:


> That’s good of you. What sort of things do you wear for him in private? Or doesn’t he ask?


Around the house, just normal casual cothes, he really isnt worried what I wear but he does fiind modesty attractive. If I mention the subject of clothing, he always says, 'you always look nice'. He is a typical Aussie, very easy going and easy to please. In the bedroom, well again he is very easy going, and always says that its the fact that I want to dress up for him that is important to him, not specifically what I wear.
I dont wear make up, I believe its bad for the skin. Again he isnt bothered. I guess he just lets me be me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lj2932 said:


> I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "I would love it if you wore dresses/red lipstick/wore your hair down..." etc. In public, I would go a bit out of my comfort zone for my husband if it genuinely made him happy. Not massively. There are limits. In private, hell if he wanted me to dress as a Klingon and insult him, I'd do it!
> 
> I have come to the conclusion that, if you are in a mutually respectful, loving relationship, if your significant other would really like you to do something for them, unless it's illegal, totally immoral or so far out of your comfort zone that it induces a panic attack, you're best off to seriously consider doing it. Why wouldn't you want to make them happy, and vice versa?


Agreed, as long as it sits ok with the one being asked. I suppose thats why we need to be with someone who shares the same sort of standards when it comes to how we dress.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

interesting responses in this thread.
but far from what i had experienced.
My wife was not feeling sexy, and certainly not acting sexy. After probing for some time, i came to the realization that she did not feel she looked sexy anymore, and really did not think i would be turned on by her body anymore. 
Well, just the opposite, i was getting more and more turned on by her body...and she could not believe it.
So i encouraged her to look sexier. Get some new clothes. Wear shorter skirts, more revealing tops. And i made it a point to respond well when she did wear this stuff.

it literally took a couple years, but eventually she turned her mind around, and started feeling and acting more sexy.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> it literally took a couple years, but eventually she turned her mind around, and started feeling and acting more sexy.


This is one thing perhaps the OP might have overlooked. If a woman 'feels' sexy, then what she wears is almost secondary.

If she feels sexy and confident, she will project that in whatever she wears, and people do pick up on that energy.

As mentioned previously by others, if you just want arm candy, there are things you need to resolve yourself. If you want her to feel sexy, then that benefits the relationship as a whole not just for you.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> The self control comes with not ogling other women. The thought sins are what the Bible says, not me. What we allow ourselves to look at and hear affects us inside.


Of course look discretely, dont gawk at them. Quick glance can give enough info to decide where she rates and if you would do her or not.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Electric Prune said:


> We are in our 40s. Yes, she naturally dresses very sexily I think. I have recently begun to encourage it. I don’t really want her to look sexy for others. She doesn’t like heels and neither do I


My wife wears skirts or dresses. It could even be going w/o panties under her skirt. No one else knows but it would drive me insane. Especially with a light flowing easy access skirt like a broom skirt. Could cause an accident in the truck whild driving down the road.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

You could try to suss out what clothing stores she likes and get her something sexy from there as a present in a color she likes and wears that is flattering. I have always appreciated presents, but you have to be careful with how you present it. "I know you like X clothes and thought you deserved something as sexy as you" vs something that's more like "you're a beautiful woman. you need to dress sexier. wear stuff like this" is a HUGE difference. I'm exaggerating to make a point. A previous BF got me clothes in super bright colors that I hate that were skintight and I was polite but it definitely made me feel that he found me or the way I dress boring. Wore it once in a while but someone making frustrated comments about your clothes and saying "why do you wear that?" or "is that what you're going to wear?" makes people feel judged and insecure.


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