# Need advice from women, I am having girl problems! please help



## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

Here it is I met a girl senior year of high school, and had an "emotional relationship" basically with her for a year. We never got physical because she was nervous, and very shy, but we always talked about everything and we knew we liked each other. She also liked me before I ever liked her. Anyhow we ended our "liking" for each other and decided to just be friends. We have been friends now for 2 years.

Anyhow here is the issue i hung out with her Friday night and she was drunk and everything came out. I was at her school, at a party but did not tell her i was there. She found out through her friend, that (my fraternity chapter) was at her school tonight. So she goes to our party house trying to find me but cannot, cause i was gone. She starts texting me, eventually i go find her and we hang out. Anyhow everything comes out now, she tells me the only reason she went to that party was because she wanted to run into me. (she went to the party before she even got drunk), we meet up and she is drunk, we start talking and she then starts to cry, and pours out her heart. 

She basically tells me that for the past 3 years, she has liked always liked me. She tells me and is crying saying how sorry she is for never allowing us to get physical in our "past relationship". She say's she regrets that so much and that i am such an amazing, great, passionate guy, she tells me she still remembers all the nice things i did for her, like get a valentine, birthday gifts, and writing her sweet notes, along with giving her cards when she was feeling sad. She told me she constantly reads one of my facebook messages i sent her (about a year ago). The message i sent was very long and very sweet, asking about how she has been and saying i miss hearing from my friend (all that jazz). She told me she reads that message all the time, and she cries everyday because of "stress". She also tells me that she does not know what she wants in life (in regards to her boyfriend), she tells me she can't understand him, and its not what she expected, she tells me i am so much different because i am "passionate about things". She tells me how bad she wished she kissed me in the past (when i tried to kiss her or makeout but she denied), she say's it was because she was so nervous, and scared id break her heart if we ever really started to date. 

She gave me all the reasons on why she was afraid to officially date, ranging from her nervousness, her fears, her friends, and the fact it was our senior year and we were going to be moving far away from each other. She mentioned several times we hung out in the past, in which she wished so badly she had kissed me. ... She asked me about where do i see myself in the future, and about future relationships i might have, so i told her and she cried more saying i am such a great guy and that i will get all that i want. She asked me "if my dream girl" is different or at all similar to her, i told her that my "dream girl" is no different than her at all. I said "my dream girl would honestly be a lot like you or identical, you have such great attributes, and a wonderful personality, i could not imagine being with someone who did not have your positive traits". She later asked me if i still liked her, and i said "no, well i don't know its complicated", i asked her if she still liked me and she said "i don't know, maybe, i think so".. She later said she "i do like you"... She also told me she used to think she was in love with from the first time she saw me.

How do i handle this? First of all i don't believe that "she does not remember anything" she was not that drunk, and she also sobered up a lot during the 3-4 hours we talked. Second they always say that Drunk people speak the truth.. Third she was so descriptive, so emotional, so detailed about her feelings, and about "our past" and about our past encounters, she was so detailed about what we were wearing, and about everything we did before. She was so detailed about all the nice things i did for her, and so emotional as well. Fourth, seeing that she was so "truthful" and detailed about everything, i have a hard time believing that she "really loves her boyfriend"... I would date her now, but she would have to obviously leave that guy. I don't want to pressure her to leave this guy, because i am fine not dating her right now (and am talking to other girls). But part of me (since she told me all of this) really wishes we could be something. I hope/imagine one day we will date/be together, i just fear that it may never happen.



So what is she feeling?
Do you think we could ever be something now? or in the future?
How can she possibly have loved me/deeply valued me all of these years , but not have told me? 
How could she possibly be so into me as to remember, and constantly read my old/messages/notes to her, but not tell me?

Do i pressure her some more to try and talk about the night, or do i forget about it? 

Do i just continue being her friend, but not around as much (like i have been doing) knowing, that she still likes me in many ways, and just waiting for the "right time"?


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

Should i shorten this or something? If i want replies?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

squaredance33 said:


> I am a junior in college,
> Anyhow here is the issue i hung out with her Friday night and she was drunk and everything came out.
> 
> And she is drunk, we start talking and she then starts to cry, and pours out her heart. She tells me that for the past 3 years, she has liked always liked me. She tells me and is crying saying how sorry she is for never allowing us to get physical in our "past relationship". She say's she regrets that so much and that i am such an amazing, great, passionate guy,
> ...


I think what she told you last night, was what she believed...at that time. At that time she was drunk, had probably had a fight with her boyfriend. At that time she wasn't thinking straight. 





squaredance33 said:


> Second they always say that Drunk people speak the truth.. Third
> 
> i have a hard time believing that she "really loves her boyfriend".


The alcohol education most incoming freshman have to take will contradict this wide spread fallacy. It's just not true, drunk people do and say all sorts of things they wold not do and say sober. This doesn't mean hidden thoughts and feeling are coming out, it only means their drunken brain isn't processing feelings and thoughts the way it normally would. You've heard of the term "coyote ugly" right? You think that drunken brain was thinking beauty, or was that drunken brain thinking something else? 

My guess, based on all that your wrote, is that she sought you out for comfort during a time when she was feeling down. Perhaps she wanted to make her boyfriend jealous and knew she cold trust you to behave yourself? Perhaps she was just mad at her boyfriend and you happened to be standing in the way of her doing something else, more drastic. It really doesn't matter anyway because you have to deal with the sober person and the sober brain and that person is saying no.




squaredance33 said:


> However, while i would love to date her i do not think now is the right time. I feel a relationship between us would be better in the future when we are more mature, and when she is no longer dating this guy.
> 
> I would date her now, but she would have to obviously leave that guy. I don't want to pressure her to leave this guy, because i am fine not dating her right now (and am talking to other girls).
> 
> ...



You seem to have a really decent head on your shoulders with well developed sense of right and wrong. Very admirable. I think you acted honorably friday night. Bravo dude!

You may always have feelings for her, or they may die a quick and painless death when a more available and wonderful girl responds to your qualities... And that will happen if you are open to it happening.

I suggest you continue the friendship but perhaps with a little less eagerness to be there for her. You will ultimately be happier once you invest emotions into someone who can return them. For whatever reason, she can't. It's a bitter pill to swallow but once it has dissolved into your system, the spell you seem to be under, the hold she has over you, will be broken and that's when you'll be open to finding a girl who returns your affections.


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

Okay here is short

Anyhow here is the issue i hung out with her Friday night and she was drunk and everything came out. I was at her school, at a party but did not tell her i was there. She found out through her friend, that (my fraternity chapter) was at her school tonight. So she goes to our party house trying to find me but cannot, cause i was gone. She starts texting me, eventually i go find her and we hang out. Anyhow everything comes out now, she tells me the only reason she went to that party was because she wanted to run into me. (she went to the party before she even got drunk), we meet up and she is drunk, we start talking and she then starts to cry, and pours out her heart..........She tells me that for the past 3 years, she has liked always liked me. She tells me and is crying saying how sorry she is for never allowing us to get physical in our "past relationship". She say's she regrets that so much and that i am such an amazing, great, passionate guy, she tells me she still remembers all the nice things i did for her, like get a valentine, birthday gifts, and writing her sweet notes, along with giving her cards when she was feeling sad. She told me she constantly reads one of my facebook messages i sent her (about a year ago). The message i sent was very long and very sweet, asking about how she has been and saying i miss hearing from my friend (all that jazz). She told me she reads that message all the time, and she cries everyday because of "stress". She also tells me that she does not know what she wants in life (in regards to her boyfriend), she tells me she can't understand him, and its not what she expected, she tells me i am so much different because i am "passionate about things". She tells me how bad she wished she kissed me in the past (when i tried to kiss her or makeout but she denied), she say's it was because she was so nervous, and scared id break her heart if we ever really started to date. 

She gave me all the reasons on why she was afraid to officially date, ranging from her nervousness, her fears, her friends, and the fact it was our senior year and we were going to be moving far away from each other. She mentioned several times we hung out in the past, in which she wished so badly she had kissed me. ... She asked me about where do i see myself in the future, and about future relationships i might have, so i told her and she cried more saying i am such a great guy and that i will get all that i want. She asked me "if my dream girl" is different or at all similar to her, i told her that my "dream girl" is no different than her at all. I said "my dream girl would honestly be a lot like you or identical, you have such great attributes, and a wonderful personality, i could not imagine being with someone who did not have your positive traits". She later asked me if i still liked her, and i said "no, well i don't know its complicated", i asked her if she still liked me and she said "i don't know, maybe, i think so".. She later said she "i do like you"... She also told me she used to think she was in love with from the first time she saw me.


So yesterday i text her about it telling her id like to talk to her about our night. She said, she could not because she is really busy, i said "please". So we are texting about it (since we cant talk on the phone at this point". She tells me that she does not "remember anything" and that she is sorry if she made me feel awkward, and that she "did not mean anything", she was "drunk" and that i am "just a friend" and that she "is still in love with her boyfriend"... She asked me if we could forget about it, and she would rather not talk about it at this point.. I did not like that answer and i said "Look that's not right, i want to talk about this, and i think i deserve that, you said a lot".. She did not respond

*How do i handle this?* First of all i don't believe that "she does not remember anything" she was not that drunk, and she also sobered up a lot during the 3-4 hours we talked. Second they always say that Drunk people speak the truth.. Third she was so descriptive, so emotional, so detailed about her feelings, and about "our past" and about our past encounters, she was so detailed about what we were wearing, and about everything we did before. She was so detailed about all the nice things i did for her, and so emotional as well. Fourth, seeing that she was so "truthful" and detailed about everything, i have a hard time believing that she "really loves her boyfriend".



What is she feeling?


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

*Cliff notes:*

Been friends with a girl for 3 years.
We had an "emotional relationship for about a year.
After 1 year or so we decide on "just friends" we see other people.
We met up the other day, she was drunk and pours out her heart to me.
She tells me she has always liked me, and tells me all the stuff she loves about me, she cries a lot, and is very emotional and descrpitive about her feelings for me, our past, and how bad she feels that we never had a physical relationship. Talks about how much she wished we were physical "back then" but she was too afraid/nervous. And wishes she could change that
She asks me if i like her, and what my dream girl is like.
She asks me if "i like her" she say's she likes me and has always liked me.
She say's she still reads, all my old notes/messages to her.

How do i deal with this?

She now say's "she wants to forget about it", and that she was drunk/does not remember all"... Which i know is not true, because she was not that drunk and she sobered up a lot into the night when we kept talking. She was very descriptive, very focused, very emotional, so i do not believe her that she "does not remember" seeing that her actions are that of a person who is not excessively drunk.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I dont think she is serious about you for a bf. she may see you as a friend only. If her feelings were strong for you, she would have had a long distance relationship with you. She certainly would have jumped at the chance now that you are 45 mins away. 

She can't muster the time or energy because her feelings for you are mild at best. 

Why did she say all of tgat stuff? Drama, pathos, maybe unrequited love. Is she a theater major? 

You are young with many other girls to meet before you are ready for to set your sights on anyone special. This girl is jerking you around because you let her. 

The best thing you can do is to move on. You will look back at this and thank your luck when you have a woman who can't get enough of you. The contrast will astond you. 

Go out there and date, you will not regret putting this girl behind you. 


PS one thing. When you pull away, she may try to pull you back in by seeming interested. Don't be fooled, she is used to having you, the back up guy. You are not a second stringer are you?


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I dont think she is serious about you for a bf. she may see you as a friend only. If her feelings were strong for you, she would have had a long distance relationship with you. She certainly would have jumped at the chance now that you are 45 mins away.
> 
> She can't muster the time or energy because her feelings for you are mild at best.
> 
> ...


Did you read it all? Everyone I've talked to in my real life has told me she likes me but is weighting if she wants a relationship with me now. 2 of my friends who are girls are telling me she feels bad for saying all tat stuff, cause she has a boyfriend. 


I don't have strong feelings for her, but part of me has always liked her and I think she obviously has feelings for me and always has. I told her its complicated, she is dating someone right now, and I'm talking to another girl. I don't want to date her right now I feel its not the ideal situation, she is still with someone and I'm talking to someone else.

I would date her but I don't want that right now.

I'm asking if people think she is real about her feelings she expressed. And if anyone thinks we could ever have something.

Although id prefer to not date her right now, I like thinking that maybe one day we can date. She agreed to this with me, after saying she has liked me for years and reads my old messages/letters to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

How can I get more replies? I just want to hear a bunch of peoples thoughts on this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

squaredance33 said:


> I'm asking if people think she is real about her feelings she expressed. And if anyone thinks we could ever have something.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, when you boil it down to this the answer is even easier. If she can express those feelings to you sober, there is no reason to doubt them. But if she refuses, or can't express those feelings sober... Considering she's avoiding you and wont even text with you...I think you have your answer. 

In matters of the heart, there are very few instances where you will allow other goals get in the way of what your heart is telling you. Thats the bottom line. If she was into you, she wold make time for you, reach out to you, be available to you and respond to you.

You might get more replies if you open your first post and edit it down significantly. Font forget to use paragraphs because it is simply easier to read. Also, understand that Downton Abby is on! us older folks love that show!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Woman here and I've had more than my share of drunken displays of emotion. Poured out romantic feelings for guys I only thought of as friends when sober. Hard to explain. I mean at the time I meant it but the next morning I did not. It's like I got caught up in the moment (drunk), wanted a connection, and it just happened.

That said this girl is not into you. She only sees you as a friend. She loves her boyfriend and is kinda embarrassed about her drunken display of affection that wasn't true. 

Let this girl go. There are plenty of women out there who actually care and don't need alcohol to show it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Woman here and I've had more than my share of drunken displays of emotion. Poured out romantic feelings for guys I only thought of as friends when sober. Hard to explain. I mean at the time I meant it but the next morning I did not. It's like I got caught up in the moment (drunk), wanted a connection, and it just happened.


-- check


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

she is only using you for an emotional boost, she knows when she is down you will pick her up. you can stay her friend if you want but that is all you will ever be...sorry


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

If she is only using me why would she tell me all of this? Why would she be so descriptive and cry so much about our past and missed opportunities?

Maybe I'm in denial. But it does not seem like I was used, I told her straight up i like her but its complicated. I told her maybe we should wait and see what the future shows.


You don't think people say the truth when they are drunk? I know I have. I have a hard time believing she made up stuff and was not serious. Especially since she could describe every event, in addition I was more than a friend to her before. She actually "loved" me for a year, when we had an emotional thing. We never got serious because her own nervousness, and other reasons. It was not till college did she get a serious boyfriend, this was when I lived 6 hours away and we decided on friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I think she probably has feelings stronger than friendship for you. If she really loved her boyfriend I dont think she would have acted like that with you drunk or not but she is obviously not leaving him either.

Whats confusing is you say you dont have strong feelings for her and dont even want to date her anyway so what does it matter how she feels about you? Why is this such a dilemma? You might want to date her in the future??

If you dont feel strongly for her now why would you think you would later. Besides who knows where either one of you will be down the road. If you end up getting together again in the future and sparks fly ...great. If not, what have you lost? I just dont understand why you are stressing this or why its so important for you to know how she feels....whatever her feelings for you are she doesnt want to pursue things but neither do you...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Square would you feel comfortable maintaining the friendship as it is and putting the drunken emotional reveal on the back burner until further developments? 

It may be drama or maybe not. Only time will tell. Be cool about it. I think you are right. Timing is not good for you two right now. Perhaps in the future. Keep your friendship and date other girls.


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

inarut said:


> I think she probably has feelings stronger than friendship for you. If she really loved her boyfriend I dont think she would have acted like that with you drunk or not but she is obviously not leaving him either.
> 
> Whats confusing is you say you dont have strong feelings for her and dont even want to date her anyway so what does it matter how she feels about you? Why is this such a dilemma? You might want to date her in the future??
> 
> If you dont feel strongly for her now why would you think you would later. Besides who knows where either one of you will be down the road. If you end up getting together again in the future and sparks fly ...great. If not, what have you lost? I just dont understand why you are stressing this or why its so important for you to know how she feels....whatever her feelings for you are she doesnt want to pursue things but neither do you...


Because I have other stuff going on, I've know her for 3 years we have history we have about an entire year of liking each other. I mean she is a great girl, but I think it would be best for me to see other girls. However with that said, I've always sort of liked her. I have no idea why, but id like to maybe one day date her just not now. Given our history it would (if it ever happened) a relationship be very serious, I don't feel it would work now.

I don't know how to explain it, I like her but I don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## squaredance33 (Feb 17, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Square would you feel comfortable maintaining the friendship as it is and putting the drunken emotional reveal on the back burner until further developments?
> 
> It may be drama or maybe not. Only time will tell. Be cool about it. I think you are right. Timing is not good for you two right now. Perhaps in the future. Keep your friendship and date other girls.


Yes id prefer to put it behind. But I want what she said to be true for some reason, I firmly believe what she said is true she just won't admit it yet. Her body language, everything she did gave the impression of her being truthful. I think she thinks of me how I think of her, (in that) I like her but don't want to currently date her for other reasons. I mean I've always sort of liked her well after I lost intesne feelings for her, I am sure she feels the same. I personally feel given our age and her life right now, she won't allow herself to leave her bf. But I think she does want me in some sense, and wants me to be more then a friend someday. I just think she does not mean now. 

I talked to her and she claims she can't remember it all, but that a lot of what she said is true but she does not mean. She said she loves her bf, and could not have been totally serious, but I also caught her in a lie. She remembered when I mentioned certain things. I really don't know why she is trying to surpress all that she said,. But with that said I hope its true and think it is and id rather just be her friend for now and see what happens in the future.

I want to see other girls and I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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