# How to cope when you both love each other



## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

But he was the one who lied and "cheated" (not physically, but sexting with another girl). Trust is broken and I have ended it. But we still both love each other so so much. And he says he has no feelings whatsoever for anyone else. But I feel the right thing to do is to find someone that is trustworthy...Where do you get the strength to not give him another chance and move on when you are so in love?


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

PAgirl said:


> But he was the one who lied and "cheated" (not physically, but sexting with another girl). Trust is broken and I have ended it. But we still both love each other so so much. And he says he has no feelings whatsoever for anyone else. But I feel the right thing to do is to find someone that is trustworthy...Where do you get the strength to not give him another chance and move on when you are so in love?


Did you try to work it out?


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

This all came out the other day. Its still new. I am the one that said its over. But have been very very depressed about it. I just want to do the right thing... but don't know what the right thing is. We have been together for 9 months.


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## fr33yay0 (Aug 9, 2014)

To be honest, when my wife did the same about 6-7 years ago. We broke it off and spent 6-7 months apart. I would try that first... let the feelings go away.

If you are really in love, give it another shot. Just don't jump in the bed too quick.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Sorry about your situation.

I'm going to give you some tough love so please bear with me. You said you love each other. False. End of story. Period.

You love him, he loves his cheating more than you. The sooner you wrap your heart and mind around this reality the sooner you will be able to address your original question... How to cope...

This is not to say that he can't progress and overcome the cheating issue, but you must, MUST understand that this is not the type of problem that is conquered over night. 

You both need to move on and then after a fair amount of time if you feel so inclined you can date again and reassess his suitability for a relationship. However, why would you take this gamble? Best to just take your chances with another.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

That is exactly my point... why take this gamble? If I jump back in, he could do it again. And I will always question if he is, and will check his phone whenever I can, etc. I hate worrying and snooping...its no way to live. But the fact that he says he loves me and could change makes this very hard. Im just trying to figure out how to separate my heart from my head right now.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

PAgirl said:


> This all came out the other day. Its still new. I am the one that said its over. But have been very very depressed about it. I just want to do the right thing... but don't know what the right thing is. We have been together for 9 months.


If you've only been together 9 months, have no kids, no investments, etc. you really need to make a clean break from this guy and move on. 

You are grieving the loss of the relationship and yes it hurts, but it will hurt so much more if you let him betray you again. Don't make that mistake.

Give yourself some time to grieve and move on. The time will come when you will realize that by doing this you will have dodged a bullet.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Look 9 months regardless married or not is totally asinine and retarded on his part.. This isn't worth it period.. 

Move on.. 

Take it from me I forgave my Ex 4 times and 20 years later we are divorced. You will always find an excuse to keep them.. Just cut this loose now.. Rip off the bandaid, scream in pain and move on..


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> That is exactly my point... why take this gamble? If I jump back in, he could do it again. And I will always question if he is, and will check his phone whenever I can, etc. I hate worrying and snooping...its no way to live. But the fact that he says he loves me and could change makes this very hard. Im just trying to figure out how to separate my heart from my head right now.


Without true remorse from him, you'll never be able to relax and re-open your heart the way you want to in a fulfilling, carefree relationship. 

Words are just words. I love you, PAgirl. There, do you really think I do? 

What actions has he shown you?


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

What are some coping skills? I have never been betrayed like this before. I was married before and have been divorced a year. I probably jumped into a relationship too fast. But here I am now. I am 39 and hoped this guy was the one that I should have married and he said the same thing about me. So it is very heartbreaking.


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## MrsFrench (Sep 9, 2014)

Honestly, I wish I would have taken the time to figure out my feelings when my fiance cheated. We are now married, and our entire first year of marriage has been filled with resentment, pain, depression and romantic struggle. At the same time, if we'd gone our separate ways, and he'd dated someone else - we wouldn't be here, and if we were, all the same feelings we are dealing with now would be there over the other hypothetical relationship. 

It is hard to know what to do. Look into your heart - are you better with him, or without him? This is something that can be overcome, there are much more difficult versions of infidelity. I'm in no way condoning this, but, I wouldn't think giving it another chance is a stupid decision.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

The conventional wisdom here says that there are infidelity situations where R should not be considered:

- with serial cheaters

- with non-remorseful cheaters

- with partners that cheat during an engagement or early in a marriage/relationship - especially with no children together

Best to endure the current hurt now, than the likely greater hurt down the road.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> But he was the one who lied and "cheated" (not physically, but sexting with another girl). Trust is broken and I have ended it. But we still both love each other so so much. And he says he has no feelings whatsoever for anyone else. But I feel the right thing to do is to find someone that is trustworthy


I agree. You need someone you can trust. Why was he sexting another girl if he supposedly loves you? I'm sure maybe in some small way he does, but not genuinely, and not completely.

There is no way I'd betray anyone if I loved them.

I think your thought about finding someone you can trust is a good idea. Can you trust a new person? Sure, but how can you be sure? You don't. All you know is you can trust them more over someone who has given you a reason to not trust them.

I advise moving on, finding someone decent.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

PAgirl said:


> What are some coping skills? I have never been betrayed like this before. I was married before and have been divorced a year. I probably jumped into a relationship too fast. But here I am now. I am 39 and hoped this guy was the one that I should have married and he said the same thing about me. So it is very heartbreaking.


life is an adventure you explored came full circle and know he is not for you there will be another adventure in your future.

good luck.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

badmemory said:


> The conventional wisdom here says that there are infidelity situations where R should not be considered:
> 
> - with serial cheaters
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

PAgirl said:


> *What are some coping skills?* I have never been betrayed like this before. I was married before and have been divorced a year. I probably jumped into a relationship too fast. But here I am now. I am 39 and hoped this guy was the one that I should have married and he said the same thing about me. So it is very heartbreaking.


You could start by using your anger to fuel your resolve to end it.

Secondly, you should avoid any contact with him. If you're living together, implement the 180 to detach until you are (hopefully quickly) separated from him.

Thirdly, know that you deserve better than what you got from him. You deserve a faithful partner and you will find one.


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

Agree with BadMemory. Anger is a great motivator and at your age and stage of relationship, work on yourself and put yourself out there to meet other men. In the meantime, see how he might demonstrate true remorse. If his background is as a cheater, then just never look back


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

No we don't live together. And yes, I have been told he cheated in his last relationship before me. I am realizing this is the right thing. But that doesn't help the pain right now.


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

commonsenseisn't said:


> If you've only been together 9 months, have no kids, no investments, etc. you really need to make a clean break from this guy and move on.
> 
> You are grieving the loss of the relationship and yes it hurts, but it will hurt so much more if you let him betray you again. Don't make that mistake.
> 
> Give yourself some time to grieve and move on. The time will come when you will realize that by doing this you will have dodged a bullet.


I agree. One more thing. Once trust is broken its very hard if not impossible to ever get back..


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> No we don't live together. And yes, I have been told he cheated in his last relationship before me. I am realizing this is the right thing. But that doesn't help the pain right now.


That takes time, sister. Hopefully it won't take much time. You can use your anger as suggested, but only to a degree. Your heart was involved, and now it's been stabbed. That should piss you off, because you both promised to be there for each other. 

But spending too much time in anger leaves one bitter and unfulfilled. Find your balance. Find your self. Learn to like who you are, by yourself, and be in no hurry to start again. You may want a man, but you don't NEED a man. A good relationship is mutually enhancing, while both people retain their individuality.


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## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

I would say move on , take a break and stay with him , ha that's it plain and simple your at a crossroad now and need to pic a direction, no matter what directing you pic everything will be fine , happiness is what you make for yourself, no matter who is in your life 5 months from now 10 years form now everything will be fine . my wife cheated on me 18 month ago and im still with her cause I love her and its the road I choose, im telling you its a long and bumpy road very rough with major pot holes, and the road is still not that great but this is were I want to be for me for my happiness . if I would have chosen the nice road probably would have suffered less and maybe I would be with better person or a wost but this is what I choose for me , your still young and you will get heartbroken probably from someone else or you might find mr trustworthy, make a choice and be happy with what you choose and if your not happy ,,,,,,, take a different road  good luck 

never forget you are #1


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

PAgirl said:


> No we don't live together. And yes, I have been told he cheated in his last relationship before me. I am realizing this is the right thing. But that doesn't help the pain right now.


HUGE red flag. Now he's also established as a serial cheater! For the love of God cut all contact and move on!

I know it hurts, but you've got to do it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> No we don't live together. And yes, I have been told he cheated in his last relationship before me. I am realizing this is the right thing. But that doesn't help the pain right now.


What explanation did he offer?

Was it entertaining?

How did you catch him?

No kids, history of cheating? Move on.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

commonsenseisn't said:


> If you've only been together 9 months, have no kids, no investments, etc. you really need to make a clean break from this guy and move on.
> 
> You are grieving the loss of the relationship and yes it hurts, but it will hurt so much more if you let him betray you again. Don't make that mistake.
> 
> Give yourself some time to grieve and move on. The time will come when you will realize that by doing this you will have dodged a bullet.


:iagree:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I know it sucks, sorry about that.

But he has shown you who he really is. By his actions of cheating in his last relationship and his actions of cheating on you this time around. Assuming he's around your age, he's plenty old enough to know better.

He put your physical (STD) and emotional health at risk. If he really loved you and wanted only you... that would have been enough only 9 months in.

He's showing you what life will be like if you did marry him.

You don't want this and you are smart enough to recognize that.

I wish I had a good idea of how to move forward and remove him from your heart. I don't. I'd try cutting all ties with him and give yourself a chance to grieve and heal. Stay active- work out etc.

Take care
WD


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

PAgirl said:


> That is exactly my point... why take this gamble? If I jump back in, he could do it again. And I will always question if he is, and will check his phone whenever I can, etc. I hate worrying and snooping...its no way to live. But the fact that he says he loves me and could change makes this very hard. Im just trying to figure out how to separate my heart from my head right now.


Men who do these things are very apt to do it again. probably more so than women. I think it really tells you how he feels.

Then there's this- true and genuine trust will never return. It just doesn't. It's more, "here, see my phone, no sexting, so trust me now...". That isn't trust, it's merely a weak form of checking up on.

Without true trust there will always be a lot missing in the relationship.

If you can live with that, then fine. If not, hard as it may be, say good-bye.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

PAgirl said:


> What are some coping skills? I have never been betrayed like this before. I was married before and have been divorced a year. I probably jumped into a relationship too fast. But here I am now. I am 39 and hoped this guy was the one that I should have married and he said the same thing about me. So it is very heartbreaking.


When I was going thru this crap and the mind movies and all the negitive crap got in my head I would tell my self "I diserve good things".

I would not let the cheating my old lady did dictate my life. Every second I thought about her bull crap I would force those bad thoughts out by telling my self " I disserve good things".

I would repeat that saying a million times a day just to keep going. I literaly forced my self to be positive in my day to day life....were ever I was I would act as positive as possible.....I guess I had to fake it to make it!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It's going to hurt for awhile. Just like heartbreak always does. You will need to mourn the relationship and what you thought would be. 

When you think of him, instead shift your focus to yourself. And the life you deserve to live. Stay busy. See friends. Work out. Eat well. Avoid alcohol. 

Each day that passes tell yourself you are getting stronger. Because you are.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

The pain starts to fade with time as long as you don't wallow in it too long. A little wallowing is fine as it lets you feel the pain and get it out. Bottling it up and trying to hold it in is unhealthy. Just don't get stuck in the pain.

How to move on? Like others said, focus on yourself. Stay active, eat healthy and have fun. 

Most importantly, let go of your relationship and accept it is over. You can't move on if you have a death grip on a hope to reconcile.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Low level anxiety meds will dull the pain. They wont kill it. They will make it bearable.

Talk to your doc.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Remember, you are worth being loved, and loved well. You are worth it. You deserve it, and any guy in your life to whom you give your heart must give that love back to you the same way.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It's hard at the beginning of the end of the relationship to keep out the doubts and thoughts of the good times. Just always remind yourself that he isn't trustworthy and I deserve better than this. That will level you off. This will, like most things, get easier with time


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Openminded said:


> It's going to hurt for awhile. Just like heartbreak always does. You will need to mourn the relationship and what you thought would be.
> 
> When you think of him, instead shift your focus to yourself. And the life you deserve to live. Stay busy. See friends. Work out. Eat well. Avoid alcohol.
> 
> Each day that passes tell yourself you are getting stronger. Because you are.


I knew someone would say something about don't drink lol! I am not a drinker. But I probably will be buying myself a pint of chocolate peanut butter haagan daaz pretty soon  

Today I am feeling a little better. Not there yet. This weekend will be lonely and Im sure there will be tears. 

Oh I am real good at playing detective btw. I figured out his facebook password and read messages.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm all for chocolate!!! Nothing better than a big bowl of ice cream. It's gotten me through a lot in my life. 

I'm glad you are a little better today. It's two steps forward and one step back. It takes awhile but you can do it.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> I probably will be buying myself a pint of chocolate peanut butter haagan daaz pretty soon


Don't forget the Hershey's chocolate syrup, the kind that comes in the can. :smthumbup:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

PAgirl said:


> That is exactly my point... why take this gamble? If I jump back in, he could do it again. And I will always question if he is, and will check his phone whenever I can, etc. *I hate worrying and snooping...its no way to live.* But the fact that he says he loves me and could change makes this very hard. Im just trying to figure out how to separate my heart from my head right now.


I think you have answered your own question. Do you really want to spend your time/life checking up on his activity to assure everything is as it should be?

Actions speak louder than words. Saying "I love you." can be as empty as my gas tank. Show me....

BTW, many moons ago I was cheated on by my fiance'. I walked. It as hard and a few weeks it got better. Soon enough she was a distant fuzzy memory of nothing. I found peace and joy in my marriage of 20 years and soon to be beyond!


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## Meltherapist (Feb 25, 2010)

The strong feelings you both have for each other, in spite the infidelity, would indicate that the relationship is not dead. An affair is typically the catalyst or deal breaker that results in the termination of a marriage. However, many couples have saved their marriages and have in fact strengthened their relationship following a betrayal. This takes a strong commitment to create change and rebuild trust and is best done with the help of a counsellor. It is one of the greatest myths that infidelity only happens in only bad marriages. Infidelity is a complex issues and it occurs for many different reasons. Be kind to yourself at this time and seek as much support from family, friends as well as a counsellor. If you decide to try to save the marriage I would strongly suggest you both attend couples counselling and read the book After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A Spring Ph.d


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## Canon in D (Aug 24, 2014)

*Re: Re: How to cope when you both love each other*



PAgirl said:


> No we don't live together. And yes, I have been told he cheated in his last relationship before me. I am realizing this is the right thing. But that doesn't help the pain right now.


Love yourself more, darling. Tell yourself you deserve better. Barely a year with him and he is doing this, not to forget he literally cheated previously. I know you are aware of what we are all saying, so remind yourself he will hurt you again, protect you, look ahead and don't turn back, he ain't worth it. Pain is unavoidable but it will go away, find support from friends, volunteer, go watch a movie alone, take time to heal and don't get into any relationship until you know you are truly ready. You are your best buddy, no one can take care of you but yourself.
Edit: I forgot to mention workout helps release stressors too.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Meltherapist said:


> The strong feelings you both have for each other, in spite the infidelity, would indicate that the relationship is not dead. An affair is typically the catalyst or deal breaker that results in the termination of a marriage. However, many couples have saved their marriages and have in fact strengthened their relationship following a betrayal. This takes a strong commitment to create change and rebuild trust and is best done with the help of a counsellor. It is one of the greatest myths that infidelity only happens in only bad marriages. Infidelity is a complex issues and it occurs for many different reasons. Be kind to yourself at this time and seek as much support from family, friends as well as a counsellor. If you decide to try to save the marriage I would strongly suggest you both attend couples counselling and read the book After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A Spring Ph.d


Fine. But this isn't a marriage. They don't even live together. This is a 9-month relationship. There are no joint assets, no children, no years of great history together. Just a guy who cheated on his last partner and is now cheating on this girlfriend within the first year. And, as with any other deal-breaker that becomes apparent during dating, it's time to "next" this guy. 

OP, give yourself time to grieve and heal. Avoid contact with him as much as possible - preferably no contact at all. Keep busy being good to yourself and doing fun things with friends. Spend some time learning about yourself as a single person. You'll know when you're ready to begin dating again, and when it's time to start looking for a new partner who will treat you well.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I truly hope the name is Mel Therapist with no space between the e and the r


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

almostrecovered said:


> i truly hope the name is mel therapist with no space between the e and the r


omg! Eek


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

Love, to me, is a verb.

Hard to see how sexting some other woman is very loving, if you know what I mean?

9 months, no kids, little invested, and a deal-breaker./marriage-breaker character flaw already uncovered?

Move on and consider yourself lucky that you didn't have kids and more time invested only to discover an affair, betrayal, etc.

One chance per lifetime, per person when dating when it comes to major deal breakers.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Still hurting. Having a rough time focusing at work. But haven't cried in 24 hours. So that's a good sign. We saw each other every day. Went on lots of trips together. I bonded with his family and vice versa. But I know this is the right thing. He is a lier and a cheater and his ex girlfriend whom he was with for 7 years told me he will NEVER change. His own mother told me the same thing. I believe it. I saw so many questionable stuff (texts and emails) over the last couple months and was always so on edge wondering if he was cheating. Him deleting texts, I couldn't prove it..until I finally did see everything in facebook. I then reached out to the girl who he was sexting and she told me everything. Nothing physical but certainly leading up to it. Just horrible this person would do this to me. I am angry. But I just need to find a DECENT person because I am decent!! I just hope I can get over all this hurt very soon. And stop thinking about all the good times we shared :-(


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## Willa (Sep 9, 2014)

I would say you dodged a bullet. As terrible as it sounds. I know it hurts but he for some reason fell out of love with you. And the good thing is you aren't married or have kids with him. 

My husband of nearly 6 years did this from January to July of this year. And we have 3 small children.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Imo "sexting" is physical! It's not an emotional affair. He physically sent her inappropriate text.....


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> I am angry. But I just need to find a DECENT person because I am decent!! I just hope I can get over all this hurt very soon. And stop thinking about all the good times we shared



Look, it's only my opinion, but thinking you "need" a romance in your life sets you up for making bad judgement calls, IMO.

I don't think you do need that. If it happens, it's a bonus.

Air, water, food, shelter, some kind of compassionate connection with other humans: those are needs really.

The first step, I think, to making better relationship choices is knowing you already have what you need, valuing yourself enough not to make excuses for the poor character of others.

I know I dug a hole, anyway, by spackling over character flaws and thinking that there was anything wrong with not being in a couple.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Could you ever see yourself with a cheater. 

Well, you are. Run. Be the right person and you'll find the right one. No reason to forgive. Just move on. Plenty of decent guys out there. 

You are now a bit wiser. Use that wisdom. He's broken. You can't fix broken.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

PAgirl -- I'm sorry you are still hurting  Unfortunately, it's pretty normal. I've read (doesn't make it true! just a perspective) that on average (AVERAGE), the typical person mourns an ended relationship for one week per month of the relationship's duration. Obviously that's not a hard and fast rule and there is a TON of variation, and you may feel 100% better in a month. But take comfort in the fact that you are well within normal limits right now. And, understand that you won't be over it in a matter of days. (Unfortunately!)

After negative events, I personally think I benefit from keeping as busy as possible. In the past, after break-ups, deaths, etc., I have taken up second jobs, started personal enrichment / foreign language classes, stepped up volunteering, etc. It helps to keep your mind busy -- and if you can wear yourself out physically, too, you will sleep better. 

Again, I'm so sorry. Wishing you peace!


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## DaisyNewYork (Sep 3, 2014)

You gotta make sure you know he ain't gonna play around no more, you sure of that then you go with the love, but ya gotta be sure that the love is both ways. He gotta be sorry and show it and mean it, only you gonna know that. Good luck.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> Still hurting. Having a rough time focusing at work. But haven't cried in 24 hours. So that's a good sign. We saw each other every day. Went on lots of trips together. I bonded with his family and vice versa. But I know this is the right thing. He is a lier and a cheater and his ex *girlfriend whom he was with for 7 years told me he will NEVER change.* His own mother told me the same thing. I believe it. I saw so many questionable stuff (texts and emails) over the last couple months and was always so on edge wondering if he was cheating. Him deleting texts, I couldn't prove it..until I finally did see everything in facebook. I then reached out to *the girl who he was sexting and she told me everything. *Nothing physical but certainly leading up to it. Just horrible this person would do this to me. I am angry. But I just need to find a DECENT person because I am decent!! I just hope I can get over all this hurt very soon. And stop thinking about all the good times we shared :-(


So sorry for your heart, OP. Remember these facts from people who've known him so long, and remember the red words. Let that drive you to do the right thing for YOU, and for your future children. 

My heart goes out to you for what you're going through.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PAgirl said:


> This all came out the other day. Its still new. I am the one that said its over. But have been very very depressed about it. I just want to do the right thing... but don't know what the right thing is. We have been together for 9 months.


Do the right thing?

You mean what you are expected to do? What other people think you should do?

Or what is right for you?:scratchhead:


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

If you want to "do the right thing", and find a "coping" strategy work on just yourself -- not on him or on your "relationship" (which you claim is 'love' and yet his version of 'love' at least includes sexting with other women behind your back). Get yourself to a place emotionslly where you are 100% fine being by yourself, on your own, with no boyfriend/fiancee/husband needed. 

From the brief posts here, you sound a bit like you feel incomplete without having "a man". Work on changing that before jumping into your next relationship, whether it is back with this fool someday (if and when he can completely demonstrate he HAS changed, not that he CAN change), or hopefully a better, faithful man.

Read here about The 180, and implement much if this into your life for a while, you'd surely benefit. Just don't adopt it as a strategy to get your fool back -- adopt it for a better, stronger you.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Thanks for the advice. I am still depressed, but functioning better. I have accepted this is over. We still text daily but he isn't coming over anymore. He is not showing he is very remorseful at all. He doesn't consider what he did cheating which is ridiculous! I know I deserve better. Yeah, its true I don't like being without a man. I don't think that is so abnormal... but I get that it is healthier to not "need" someone. I don't think I need someone in life, since I am able to take care of my kids and responsibilities myself, and I have a professional job. But it is lonely. I have my kids every other weekend so last weekend was not my weekend and it was lonely. I did some yard work which I typically never did before! oh well. Thanks for listening.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it's difficult but you've come a long way and you're doing great!!

When you don't have your children, focus on you and what you want to do. Enjoy your freedom. Eat ice cream for dinner (my favorite).


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

PAgirl said:


> Thanks for the advice. I am still depressed, but functioning better. I have accepted this is over. We still text daily but he isn't coming over anymore. He is not showing he is very remorseful at all. He doesn't consider what he did cheating which is ridiculous! I know I deserve better. Yeah, its true I don't like being without a man. I don't think that is so abnormal... but I get that it is healthier to not "need" someone. I don't think I need someone in life, since I am able to take care of my kids and responsibilities myself, and I have a professional job. But it is lonely. I have my kids every other weekend so last weekend was not my weekend and it was lonely. I did some yard work which I typically never did before! oh well. Thanks for listening.


Neither of you loved each other. You loved the idea of who you thought he was or could be. He loved only himself, and just proved it to you. A guy who truly cared about you would understand that you consider what he did cheating, and would be apologizing and setting new boundaries for his behaviour.

And maybe life is better with a companion. Just not THAT one. Find ways to fill your time until you are bored instead of lonely.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Take sailing classes! Get a bike and ride it around town or local trails. Go to meetup.com and find a group with interests like yours. 

I did all those things while I was living alone and it was great. You may have other interests, but you get my gist.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Drop this jerk like a hot potato! Stop texting him. Block his number with your cell provider. He has shown you unequivocally who he is. He is a selfish POS who will use you and hurt you as he sees fit, with little, if any, regard for your well being. That's not love.

You don't love him either. You are deeply wounded by his actions. You don't accept them (which is good, you shouldn't), but they represent his true self. You love a false idea of him, an idea based on lies, misrepresentation, and hope. That great guy in your mind doesn't really exist. That great guy wouldn't be grooming other women to have sex while in a supposedly committed, exclusive relationship with you, would he?

Work on yourself. Perhaps reading Brene Brown would help. Also realize there isn't some guy out there who is The One. There's billions of men, some better, some worse. Get your own **** together first, and you'll have an easier time attracting and recognizing a man who has his together too.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Stop texting him. Do not see him. Cut him out of your life.

The way to prevent getting poisoned is to not mess with toxic materials. You must be decisive and final.

After he is history you should determine why you let someone like this into your life in the first place. Do this to prevent it from happening again.

Sorry for your broken heart.


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