# when is it enough to walk away?



## unsure&lost (Jul 3, 2012)

Ok here it is and i will try to keep it short. I had my daughter when i was 21. For 6 years i was a single mom. All i ever wanted for her was a complete family like i did. When my daughter was 6 my boyfriend and us moved to a apartment together. Things changed...not sure he was ready for US. I still felt liike a single mom while he went and lived his life. My daughter and i did things alone still.

Then we moved into the school district i wanted her to go to. At this time i felt they warmed up to each other that i needed his help instead of me being both parents. Still nothing. At this point arguing got worse in ways i never thought i could be mad or rude. I just thought it was like that.

We got married 4 years after moving intogether. I was kinda unsure but thought i was just scared my daughter was happy to have a dad so we wanted to do adoption so she shared the name. During the wedding planning i lost my job. Everything changed i took on alot more with everything. He worked i did everything else. I lost myself. I loved drawing and writing poems buying cards for him for no reason but he never showed he apprcaited it. And i never would get a card or flowers just because. So i no longer enjoyed doing any of it. We argued about the wedding and the honeymoon. In the end i was disappointed. He got really drunk at the reception whenhe isnt even suppose to drink. So wedding night sucked. We argued at the honeymoon even though we went where he wanted to go. We never have any romance on the honeymoon.

It all started to fall in place. He would always say we can rekindle our relationship where the kid is gone. He would always be short with her. Never take interest in yhings she liked. When she did things he enjoyed he would turn it into a compition. We bought a house a year ago and since then adoption was final and my husband seizure disorder came back. I aint afraid of it im afraid that this is all there is. My boring life. My daughter and i still do alot alone. He loves his video games. He calls my daughter a ass kiss just cause she may agree with me. She has changed. She stays in her room cause she cant say anything with him picking a fight with her. He has never grown into a dad. Or a husband. He cant work or drive right now and does nothing for himself. Dont care to askquestions or do research. Dont know dates of seizures or what kind they are because that is my job. He is so mean. Doesnt appracaite anything. I do everythijng. Trying to get a job but my daughter seen all the seizures (8) in a year and is afraid to be alone with him. I drive everywhere. Take him to appts cause i cant let anyone else cause his family and him wont remember what was said or ask questions. His family never have my back and dont act like grandparents. We argue about everything. I recently found out things that he said about me that really hurt. 

I do agree i have given up. We have no sex life there is always a reason. We had a planned day for it and when it came it was just odd. Like you start..no youstart. ???? Weird i know. Everything feels like a compitition. On who can win. I am tired and exhausted i feel like he feels my daughter is inthe way like it would be better when she leaves. He makes me pick sides makes me feel bad when i do things with her. I am disappointed in him as a father and husband and sorry that when i look at him i see a little boy who cant be a man. It is hard. And i dont know the right answer. But i feel if i stay my daughter will become more and more distant. He dont take care of himself when i try to help with his health issues or house issues he basically tells me i know nothing. But will take the same advice if given by a man. His father is a bully and his mom knows her place and that is not me. I do all household things like fixing up doing the man job. He will go help his dad with projects but not here. The only way he does is if i start it thenhe will come help. Otherwise its all me. All i ever wanted was a family for her and someone to take care of me....not money wise. But he cant do for himself how will he ever take care of me when he dont for himself. I know all his meds and conditions he knows none of mine. I am lost and i think walking away will be the only way to breathe again. But i will feel like a failure. Because since i been a stay at home mom and wife for 2 years i will have to move in with my parents till i can support myself. My husband knows divorce is a option so he has heen trying to be nice...but its to late. There has been many talks of change with us and it always falls back to the same way. Does this relationship sound like a divorce?? I just need helpful advice.


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## unsure&lost (Jul 3, 2012)

I also have ocd and severe anxiety. After a set of 3 seizures in may i had major panin attacks. I was so mad at him because he refused to go to the hospital and mother f'ed me up and down. Thats when i broke. After a few weeks i got worse constant worry couldnt sleep. Went to thedoc she upped my med. Icome home and instead of him being kind he told me to get off the couch and do something. That if i couldnt handle a few seizures what will i do when my parents die. He told me to get myself fixed cause he couldnt live like this. Way to kick me when im down. And i dont i can ever forgibe that


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

From what you say about how your husband treats your daughter, you need to get out of the relationship for her sake.


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## toonewlywed (Jul 17, 2012)

I agree. That is not a family. A house is not a home. You can give her more love on your own.

My husband recently had a health issue so I understand your concern about that. But you can help him from a distance, in a way that doesn't damage your daughter. Just call him when it's time to take his meds. He'll probably not anser on purpose and blame you for having missed his dose (my prediction giving he seems to have taken a liking to blaming you for everything) but he's a grown man and is going to have to take some responsibility for his health. You can't live his life for him, you have to live yours. Best of luck!


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