# What's Wrong with People...?



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Last night I was at my son's little league game. I had to go out to the car for something and was walking about 25 yards behind a couple headed out to the parking lot. As they were climbing into the back of her minivan I happened to notice who they were. It was a married woman and a single dad, both of whom have boys who have been on my son's teams at various times. I walked back to the field and looked over occasionally. The van never moved. The woman involved in this has three children in addition to the one playing last night aged 7,8,11. She left them running around for 45 minutes on their own while she spent the time in the back of her minivan with this other man.

What is wrong with people that they would not only do this, but be so obvious about it? And even place themselves in a position where they could be discovered by her kids?

I never really paid attention to this kind pf thing before. Funny how you start paying more attention and noticing these things when you're working on your own marital issues.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Might not have been what it seemed.

They might have been together planning some surprise fro her husband?

Look, I know the probability is, they were cheating but I try not to be as jaded as I really am...


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I agree that things you shrugged off in the past now are very important. I was on a flight to NY and the woman across the way from me took off her wedding rings and put them in her purse just before we landed.

I would not have thought a thing 18 months ago.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yep, I notice stuff all the time that I never would have before. Especially people texting from their cars. My office is on the second floor overlooking the parking lot, and every day there's people out there texting away, at all times of the day. I know not all of them are cheating, but I would bet anything that a fair percentage of them are.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

while I don't believe doing anything about it is your business, I do think spooking them into thinking they were caught would be a fun exercise


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

If what we imagine is true, they will get caught one day. Cheaters can't hide for very long, IMO.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> If what we imagine is true, they will get caught one day. Cheaters can't hide for very long, IMO.



I wish this were true but many affairs go uncovered

chapparal has thrown out a stat that only 20% of infidelity is revealed, cant say how accurate that is but I would say that a lot more cheating doesn't get caught than you'd think


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I wish this were true but many affairs go uncovered
> 
> chapparal has thrown out a stat that only 20% of infidelity is revealed, cant say how accurate that is but I would say that a lot more cheating doesn't get caught than you'd think


God, that's depressing


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

It is amazing how you notice little things and wonder about them where as I never gave a second thought before...

I often think about all the people in my workplace and think how many of them are having EA/PA's...it is easy to think no this person doesn't seem the type that would do that..but what is the type???
Somebody can seem so straight laced meanwhile they go home after work and are searching the sex sites...


Again with the advent of technology I think it is happening more and more...


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> If what we imagine is true, they will get caught one day. Cheaters can't hide for very long, IMO.


Yes but with spouses having separate cell phones/computers etc. which is common today, it can go on for a long time unbeknowst to the other person.

Until you have been cheated on there is just a certain element of trust which you live by.


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Drover said:


> Last night I was at my son's little league game.
> 
> As they were climbing into the back of her minivan I happened to notice who they were.


Next time, go bang hard on the windows and start yelling, "Where's the batting order sheet! Coach says we need the lineup now!"


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Yea it is like you have stepped behind the curtain at a magic show.


----------



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

mahike said:


> I agree that things you shrugged off in the past now are very important. I was on a flight to NY and the woman across the way from me took off her wedding rings and put them in her purse just before we landed.
> 
> I would not have thought a thing 18 months ago.


Her husband is lucky. My STBXW never even bothered to take hers off!

Seriously, whenever I see infidelity it makes me sick to me stomach.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Back in the day I was the same way, as I have been healing these last 2-1/2 years I have stopped noticing as much. So maybe thats a good thing.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Decimated said:


> Her husband is lucky. My STBXW never even bothered to take hers off!
> 
> Seriously, whenever I see infidelity it makes me sick to me stomach.


Ya I hear you, nothing like waiting for my ride in the ride share parking lot to see a couple maddly make out, then leave in seperate cars.

I also see ton of it when I travel, especially the "nice" motels the company puts me up in. I can totaly tell whats going on when a couple shows up in there own car, and those cars are both gone with in a few hours.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I 'caught' a couple doing the same thing. Both married to other people had kids on the same football team (she was a friend)....the guy actually tried it on with me later on in the same season, and I will admit that I was rather c*nty about it...I told my friend about it. She was pretty pissed that he was coming onto me too, but that put an end to it...


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> God, that's depressing


And in our positons, as BS', scary as HELL!


----------



## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

OMG, as an ex-director of our local Babe Ruth Baseball League, used to see this or something like this ALL THE TIME!! People just don't care anymore I guess ....


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Drover said:


> Last night I was at my son's little league game. I had to go out to the car for something and was walking about 25 yards behind a couple headed out to the parking lot. As they were climbing into the back of her minivan I happened to notice who they were. It was a married woman and a single dad, both of whom have boys who have been on my son's teams at various times. I walked back to the field and looked over occasionally. The van never moved. The woman involved in this has three children in addition to the one playing last night aged 7,8,11. She left them running around for 45 minutes on their own while she spent the time in the back of her minivan with this other man.
> 
> What is wrong with people that they would not only do this, but be so obvious about it? And even place themselves in a position where they could be discovered by her kids?
> 
> I never really paid attention to this kind pf thing before. Funny how you start paying more attention and noticing these things when you're working on your own marital issues.


There is a 2006 movie called Idiocracy. 

Idiocracy (2006) - IMDb

In it the people are really dumbed down so that a time traveler from this century is considered the smartest man alive..

The population is portrayed as sex obsessed. Thinking about it frequently and crudely. 

It seems like that is the way our society is heading. 

Cheating has skyrocketed in the last ten years and so have sex addicted male and females due to easy access to internet porn. 

There are articles in science daily such as "this is your brain on porn" that show that porn damages the frontal lobes of the brain where impulse control resides. 

The OW in my STBEH's affair had four kids. She left them with the nanny and/or her spouse so she could go bang other men. 

No wonder society is going to heck in a hand basket. 

I like sex, but I have many other things to think about during the day. 

An affair was never even something I EVER CONSIDERED or even thought about.

It just seems so sleazy and too jerry springer for me


----------



## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

something similar kinda here..

i was closing up my restaurant one night about a month ago. I was alone and it was dark. I have a small window (peep type) in the security door to the back parking lot where i park my car. I looked out as i always do..and there was a white van pulling up beside my car. Now ..you can not see this area from the road it is behind our quite large building. 

so anyway i waited..and a man got out of the van. he stood between my car and his van for ten min. He got on his phone. and then..he walked across the parking lot. you see next door is a hotel and then in front of the hotel is a massage parlor. not an advertised place..low key, but we know what it is as the girls all buy take out food from us :rofl: So i saw him go in the back door to the massage parlour. I figured he must be married or he wouldnt be hiding his van. 

Sure enough about a week later he did the same thing. I got a dig in for his wife though..

While he was in there.. I went out and put a note under his window wiper. simply said. Tell her or I will. Then I went back in the restaurant and watched. HAHAHAHAHAHA..he looked like he was going to faint when he read that note. I hope he went home and confessed so that woman knows who her partner really is.

but somehow..i doubt it


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Yep, I notice stuff all the time that I never would have before. Especially people texting from their cars. My office is on the second floor overlooking the parking lot, and every day there's people out there texting away, at all times of the day. I know not all of them are cheating, but I would bet anything that a fair percentage of them are.


I go for walks around the neighborhood quite a bit in the evening and I constantly overhear men & women talking on their phones to OMs & OWs. I think they tell their spouse they're going for a walk then just go out and call the boyfriend or girlfriend.


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

highwood said:


> I often think about all the people in my workplace and think how many of them are having EA/PA's...


The thing about EAs is that half the people in them don't even think they're doing anything wrong. They don't even see it as cheating as long as they don't "cross that line".


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Well this will sound odd but...

I would initially be shocked and would ponder on it like you are Drover. I may even come on TAM and start a thread asking what's wrong with people.

Pretty soon though I would be pissed that I was having pity for her hubby. I know everyone says it's none of our business but if they allowed me to catch them sneaking off then it's a little but my business if I know hubby or if she's one of the team moms. I would say something to her and OM. At least that if anything is going on they better not let me see it or I'll ask her hubby about it.

Years back I was renting a place to a couple BF/GF. I went to cut the grass and there was OM we all worked with there alone with GF while BF was at work. Next day at work I point blank asked BF "if I knew something about GF would you want me to tell you". He said no and that was that. *But I didn't like GF making me feel uncomfortable around her and BF because she couldn't keep her legs closed.* Maybe that was different because I did have to interact with them on a regular basis.


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> ...if I know hubby...


I thought about this, and I don't really know any of these people even just to say hello. I've never been introduced or anything. My kid was on their kids' teams at times but we never spoke or anything, and he's not on their teams now. I know who the husband is, but haven't ever spoken with him.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

There is a sift in morality and a decline in what was once considered "normal" acceptable behavior. Maybe due to the influence of the internet, TV or radio psychologists and "real" behavior analyst show, I don't know what it is.

But the mind set today seems to be that you are entitled or deserve to be "happy", no matter who that hurts. Instant gratification seems to have become the normal state of things. Live in the moment and do not worry about the consequences. I call it the Ready-Fire-Aim attitude.

I see it every where and don't much like it. And it is not just in couples interaction. My wife and I have never lived beyond our means. We made a decision decades ago to never get into a financial situation where we could not survive as a family on just one salary. Conversely, our children both have the attitude that if they want something, they do not save, they do not plan, they go get it NOW, even though they really cannot afford it and will probably end up in a financial bind latter.

It is a total sift in the acceptable social behavior of a society (I think for the worst) and increased infidelity is one of the results.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Drover said:


> I thought about this, and I don't really know any of these people even just to say hello. I've never been introduced or anything. My kid was on their kids' teams at times but we never spoke or anything, and he's not on their teams now. I know who the husband is, but haven't ever spoken with him.


I'd probably not think twice about it then. On a side note, I bet since she's resorting to sneaking around at her kid's games, she's been caught cheating and hubby watches her now. Oh how crafty these pieces-o-sh!t can be .


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> They might have been together *planning some surprise* fro her husband?
> 
> .


yup maybe a shock more than a surprise?


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I knew my dad was having an affair before my mom did. 

She had the idea, but I was able to confirm it through circumstantial stuff before she was. She had hard evidence to prove it. 

And I've always heard the BS should be told by the WS, or someone directly involved, like the other BS. 
My opinion is, you tell them, because you want that person to do the same for you if the situation was reversed. 

You much more level headed than I am though. If I had caught that dad and mom, I would've had a field day on facebook. And probably destroyed a marriage in the process. 

Reading these forum's threads makes me more hesitant to get married everyday. 
It seems marriage now adays, is just a race to see who wins the "Who can remain loyal to their spouse the longest?"


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> I knew my dad was having an affair before my mom did.
> 
> She had the idea, but I was able to confirm it through circumstantial stuff before she was. She had hard evidence to prove it.
> 
> ...



:iagree:


I think there should be more penalties for people cheating, hopefully not being sexist or biased here, but probably am

It just seems to me that a woman can cheat her way through marriage with as many men as she likes and then in the courts some idiot judge hands her the house,half the faithful husbands pension and half his wages and he just has to suck it up. He suffers a major setback in his life even though he has done nothing wrong. Sick!


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> I knew my dad was having an affair before my mom did.
> 
> She had the idea, but I was able to confirm it through circumstantial stuff before she was. She had hard evidence to prove it.
> 
> ...


You might be surprised. There was a chat board on IMDB for the movie "unfaithful". The question was asked "would you tell your friend/coworker if you KNEW the spouse was cheating?" 

MANY were vehemently "NO - No way" 
Some expressed experiences where they did and were berated w friendships lost. 

Kinda shocking at first blush


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Drover said:


> Last night I was at my son's little league game. I had to go out to the car for something and was walking about 25 yards behind a couple headed out to the parking lot. As they were climbing into the back of her minivan I happened to notice who they were. It was a married woman and a single dad, both of whom have boys who have been on my son's teams at various times. I walked back to the field and looked over occasionally. The van never moved. The woman involved in this has three children in addition to the one playing last night aged 7,8,11. She left them running around for 45 minutes on their own while she spent the time in the back of her minivan with this other man.
> 
> What is wrong with people that they would not only do this, but be so obvious about it? And even place themselves in a position where they could be discovered by her kids?
> 
> I never really paid attention to this kind pf thing before. Funny how you start paying more attention and noticing these things when you're working on your own marital issues.


What a lousy Mother. Who lets 4 young children run around w/o supervision?....FFS ....that would concern me more than possible cheating.


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Emerald said:


> What a lousy Mother. Who lets 4 young children run around w/o supervision?....FFS ....that would concern me more than possible cheating.


I've spent a lot of time at the local park/fields since I get involved with S7's baseball teams. Maybe I'm overprotective b/c I grew up in a crime-ridden city, but I'm always amazed when I see little kids running around with no supervision, surrounded by strangers, at freakin night...and I see it a LOT. 

It would be so easy for these kids to get snatched.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

if the van never moved,they weren't doing it right.


i hope they get caught...i just hope it isn't by one of their children.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> I think there should be more penalties for people cheating, hopefully not being sexist or biased here, but probably am
> ...



I agree. The OW in my STBEH's affair, is going to land on her feet. 

Her husband is wealthy and making her life as miserable as possible. Still, he will have to give her at least one house to live in, half the assests and she get's custody of their four kids. 

The only good news is that her lifestyle has declined significantly. No more maids or nannies. or spa trips with the girls. :rofl:

She hated that I outed her to her husband. 

She is a serial cheater who has been getting away with it for years, but karma finally caught up with her. 

Her husband at first was angry at me and would not look at my proof, or believe me. 

Than one day he called me and asked to see my proof. 

He was livid.


----------



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

walkonmars said:


> You might be surprised. There was a chat board on IMDB for the movie "unfaithful". The question was asked "would you tell your friend/coworker if you KNEW the spouse was cheating?"
> 
> MANY were vehemently "NO - No way"
> Some expressed experiences where they did and were berated w friendships lost.
> ...


I wish someone would have let me know what my STBXW was doing...hell, I would have been appreciative and grateful! 

Some of her friends knew or at least suspected...and I have known some of them for many years. If they were afraid to tell me in person an anonymous email would have worked just fine. Needless to say I don't talk to any of them anymore. I don't know if they approved of what she was doing or just didn't want to get involved...it's all the same to me. I felt like a fool and they kept me in the dark.

Actually when my first wife cheated on me after only 1 1/2 years of marriage, a good friend of mine and his wife knew...and said nothing. I was never that close to them again. Ironically, she ended up cheating on him years later...and left him for OM.

If I knew a couple where one of them was cheating I would let the other know somehow. How I would do that would depend on how close to them I was. At the very least I would do it anonymously.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Decimated said:


> I wish someone would have let me know what my STBXW was doing...hell, I would have been appreciative and grateful!
> 
> Some of her friends knew or at least suspected...and I have known some of them for many years. If they were afraid to tell me in person an anonymous email would have worked just fine. Needless to say I don't talk to any of them anymore. I don't know if they approved of what she was doing or just didn't want to get involved...it's all the same to me. I felt like a fool and they kept me in the dark.
> 
> ...


I am so sorry none of your friends told you. 

I am glad you got rid of them. They are not friends. 

A good friend would have found a way to inform you, either in person or anonymously. 

Going forward, I too will out a cheater. None of my friends seem to cheat though. 

I even know a few women whose husband's have erectile dysfunction and they would never cheat. 

For cripes sake the man has a health issue. Why punish him for that after a long marriage. 

Marriage is in sickeness and in health. 

The only thing that nulls a marriage in most major religions, is cheating.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You do realize that no one wants to be the proverbial messenger that gets shot. I think that's why so many people keep schtum.


----------



## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I wish this were true but many affairs go uncovered
> 
> chapparal has thrown out a stat that only 20% of infidelity is revealed, cant say how accurate that is but I would say that a lot more cheating doesn't get caught than you'd think


While that statistic could be accurate with the general population, with those of us here on TAM, who are well-versed on ways to catch a cheater, the percentage would be much, much higher.

A common comment among the betrayed here is "I just couldn't believe my spouse would do something like that. (cheat)" After being stung by betrayal, we will forever have our antenna up and on high alert for any changes in our spouse's behavior, no matter how subtle. We also know various methods to gather evidence.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> You do realize that no one wants to be the proverbial messenger that gets shot. I think that's why so many people keep schtum.


I can understand that. 

Still, my STBEH's affair was outed anonymously with someone who cared enough about the situation to send proof with photographs.

So, no one gets shot if it's anonymous, but the BS is helped by being made aware that they are being a dupe and a fool.

Also, when I first contact OW's husband he hated me, but now we are good friends. So, I think most people would want to be told, at least eventually they will be glad they were told


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Cubby said:


> While that statistic could be accurate with the general population, with those of us here on TAM, who are well-versed on ways to catch a cheater, the percentage would be much, much higher.
> 
> A common comment among the betrayed here is "I just couldn't believe my spouse would do something like that. (cheat)" After being stung by betrayal, we will forever have our antenna up and on high alert for any changes in our spouse's behavior, no matter how subtle. We also know various methods to gather evidence.


Amen!


----------

