# Humiliated



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

So my husband and I are getting divorced after finding him being inappropriate with a female coworker. He has been really ugly the whole process. It’s humiliating and hurtful.

today I was shown a video he made for social media playing beyonces “to the left to the left” of 2 small boxes of my belongings in there. Like I don’t get anything else from our divorce.

My question is why would someone continue to humiliate you? I’ve gone no contact, haven’t asked mutual friends about him , nothing. I thought that was the right move .


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

He does it to hurt you. 

I don't see where you should be humiliated. If I saw a video like that I'd think "good for her, getting rid of a bad guy like that." You can be hurt because it was hurtful but frankly anybody who sees this would know exactly why he's a unsuitable partner. It's evidence in your favor. Good riddance.


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## Whatsnext87 (12 mo ago)

More than likely it's to get a reaction out of you. They will poke the open wounds in hopes that you'll react.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Make sure the female co-worker sees that video.

Let her know she is flirting with a turd.


_L-_


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Make sure the female co-worker sees that video.
> 
> Let her know she is flirting with a turd.
> 
> ...


Oh I’m sure she saw it. He put it on the story of his snap chat.
I’m not playing victim, I really have tried to still be kind and cordial through this , putting my pain and anger aside. It just seemed so childish and cruel it was very upsetting to see


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> So my husband and I are getting divorced after finding him being inappropriate with a female coworker. He has been really ugly the whole process. It’s humiliating and hurtful.
> 
> today I was shown a video he made for social media playing beyonces “to the left to the left” of 2 small boxes of my belongings in there. Like I don’t get anything else from our divorce.
> 
> My question is why would someone continue to humiliate you? I’ve gone no contact, haven’t asked mutual friends about him , nothing. I thought that was the right move .


Because he's an immature, poor excuse of a human being. Aren't you really glad to know he's no longer your problem?


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> Because he's an immature, poor excuse of a human being. Aren't you really glad to know he's no longer your problem?


There is a bit of relief there 😂😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You've had your own attorney haven't you?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Ouch. I wouldn’t look fondly on a post like that., as a spectator.

People hurt during the divorce process, but that sounds extreme from him. It’s ok to feel a little bad about this sure, but move on quickly, it looks way worse and maybe he’ll be embarrassed one day.

But I have to ask, why would you feel embarrassed by the post anyway, given he was the one that cheated not you? I assume everyone knows it’s ending now and that it’s ended because he cheated? So what about this is embarrassing for you? The shame is on him once (for cheating) and going by his post, most people on his feed would be aghast. I mean, he cheated and he’s posting a stupid and mean video about his ex… with a soundtrack. If I saw that, I wouldn’t even be feeling sorry or embarrassed for the ex-wife at all. I’d feel happy for her and wonder what was going through the cheater’s head to post that sort of childish stuff.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Stay classy. When everyone sees his feed they’ll know he’s an idiot.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You've had your own attorney haven't you?


Oh yes.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Ouch. I wouldn’t look fondly on a post like that., as a spectator.
> 
> People hurt during the divorce process, but that sounds extreme from him. It’s ok to feel a little bad about this sure, but move on quickly, it looks way worse and maybe he’ll be embarrassed one day.
> 
> But I have to ask, why would you feel embarrassed by the post anyway, given he was the one that cheated not you? I assume everyone knows it’s ending now and that it’s ended because he cheated? So what about this is embarrassing for you? The shame is on him once (for cheating) and going by his post, most people on his feed would be aghast. I mean, he cheated and he’s posting a stupid and mean video about his ex… with a soundtrack. If I saw that, I wouldn’t even be feeling sorry or embarrassed for the ex-wife at all. I’d feel happy for her and wonder what was going through the cheater’s head to post that sort of childish stuff.


I think it’s because he told me to my face I didn’t deserve anything because I don’t make as much as he does, and then having the public statement , since I’m almost positive that was the message it’s just still hanging on my worth a little bit.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well since his goal is probably to get reactions out of you you're coming through in fine form.

Why do you continue to he so worried about what a scumbag you're divorcing thinks?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> I think it’s because he told me to my face I didn’t deserve anything because I don’t make as much as he does, and then having the public statement , since I’m almost positive that was the message it’s just still hanging on my worth a little bit.


I've never yet heard of a man who wanted to be fair to his wife during a divorce financially. I think the main reason men hesitate to divorce is money. Of course if the woman has been home not working and taking care of his kids and that was mutually agreed upon, she is who enabled him to work and have a family. If she on the other hand was just a louse and a golddigger wanting a free ride and that was never agreed upon, all I can say is he shouldn't have married her and surely must have known about that before he did.

Unless you sign the prenup saying you don't get anything or you don't get half or anything like that, you get half the assets built during the marriage. And you should. I am so sorry he is tearing down your self-esteem and trying to make you feel undeserving but boy is that a great reason to get that bad man out of your life!

Once you are on your own and working and making your own way you're self-esteem will come back full force and you'll know you are a deserving person who is perfectly able to be independent that way.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well since his goal is probably to get reactions out of you you're coming through in fine form.
> 
> Why do you continue to he so worried about what a scumbag you're divorcing thinks?


I wish I knew


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I've never yet heard of a man who wanted to be fair to his wife during a divorce financially. I think the main reason men hesitate to divorce is money. Of course if the woman has been home not working and taking care of his kids and that was mutually agreed upon, she is who enabled him to work and have a family. If she on the other hand was just a louse and a gold deer wanting a free ride and that was never agreed upon, all I can say is he shouldn't have married her and surely must have known about that before he did.
> 
> Unless you sign the prenup saying you don't get anything or you don't get half or anything like that, you get half the assets built during the marriage. And you should. I am so sorry he is tearing down your self-esteem and trying to make you feel undeserving but boy is that a great reason to get that bad man out of your life!
> 
> Once you are on your own and working and making your own way you're self-esteem will come back full force and you'll know you are a deserving person who is perfectly able to be independent that way.


Oh absolutely! I was off work for a few months because we agreed for me to stay home and manage our home upgrades when we first bought our fixer upper. I had quit the job I had when we bought because it was too far of a drive . But went back to work after only a few months. I worked , did the house hold chores, took care of our animal, paid bills , cooked , took care of the yard ect so I was no lazy wife. It’s just mind blowing the ugliness that is now spewing from him because I don’t understand it. When I found his videos he said “ well I never loved you” we’ve been together 11 years and has been an animal since


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh absolutely! I was off work for a few months because we agreed for me to stay home and manage our home upgrades when we first bought our fixer upper. I had quit the job I had when we bought because it was too far of a drive . But went back to work after only a few months. I worked , did the house hold chores, took care of our animal, paid bills , cooked , took care of the yard ect so I was no lazy wife. It’s just mind blowing the ugliness that is now spewing from him because I don’t understand it. When I found his videos he said “ well I never loved you” we’ve been together 11 years and has been an animal since


Even getting what he said he wanted lol


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh absolutely! I was off work for a few months because we agreed for me to stay home and manage our home upgrades when we first bought our fixer upper. I had quit the job I had when we bought because it was too far of a drive . But went back to work after only a few months. I worked , did the house hold chores, took care of our animal, paid bills , cooked , took care of the yard ect so I was no lazy wife. It’s just mind blowing the ugliness that is now spewing from him because I don’t understand it. When I found his videos he said “ well I never loved you” we’ve been together 11 years and has been an animal since


I'm just so sorry you're going through this. I'm afraid he just doesn't even know what love is. He will never find anyone else as good as you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

He sounds like an emo *****.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Why is he acting like this?

He's an azzhat. This is who and what he is and with that being the case, there had to be signs before this.

He didn't go from some super nice, sweet, tender, caring loving man to this overnight. He's able to do this, act like this because that's who and what he is.

He's not the man you thought he was, keep doing the 180, HARD.


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## moonpie (Oct 27, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I've never yet heard of a man who wanted to be fair to his wife during a divorce financially. I think the main reason men hesitate to divorce is money. Of course if the woman has been home not working and taking care of his kids and that was mutually agreed upon, she is who enabled him to work and have a family. If she on the other hand was just a louse and a gold deer wanting a free ride and that was never agreed upon, all I can say is he shouldn't have married her and surely must have known about that before he did.
> 
> Unless you sign the prenup saying you don't get anything or you don't get half or anything like that, you get half the assets built during the marriage. And you should. I am so sorry he is tearing down your self-esteem and trying to make you feel undeserving but boy is that a great reason to get that bad man out of your life!
> 
> Once you are on your own and working and making your own way you're self-esteem will come back full force and you'll know you are a deserving person who is perfectly able to be independent that way.


My now ex husband actually refused child support from me when we divorced. He left for his mistress but I made more money than him. We had 3 kids, were married 17 years. I should've had to pay him child support but he refused it. Maybe out of guilt? But it does happen, lol.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

moonpie said:


> My now ex husband actually refused child support from me when we divorced. He left for his mistress but I made more money than him. We had 3 kids, were married 17 years. I should've had to pay him child support but he refused it. Maybe out of guilt? But it does happen, lol.


What I tell everyone is that when you divorce if you have kids, share custody 50/50, which has become the norm in the United States, we're both the man and the woman have the children 2 and 1/2 days through the week and one day on the weekend. This gets rid of most custody payments, though it can vary by state, but mainly it gives the woman an equal chance to thrive at her career because then she has three and a half days without the children to concentrate on her career or social life or just get some rest. I know it's hard to turn loose of your kids especially when you've been the primary caretaker and especially if you don't trust the other spouse that you're divorcing, but the kids need to see both parents, and you're just shooting yourself in the foot if you don't make the other spouse to do their part, perhaps for the first time. 

I know a man who said he would leave the country before he would pay child support or divide their assets.. fortunately judges will freeze a passport when it comes to that although it could still be years before he gets caught trying to use it.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

His behaviour is due to him being emotionally stunted. He f'ed up, probably knows it big time, rather than look inwards and realise he's destroyed the best thing in his life, his inner child rages against you, because his fragile ego can't accept he's the problem.

You are now free from baby sitting duties, so congratulations. I hope you find an adult to marry next time around.

To the poster who say men are not fair in divorce, I am a man, I gave my wife far more than the state minimum for child support. In fact I gave her more than the maximum, due to me having the kids more than I declared. I also only wanted 15% of the equity of our home to give me enough to buy a new place, but allow her to get a mortgage to keep the home on her income. I fully acknowledged her contribution to the marriage despite my earnings far out stripping hers. 

Op, some men can own their mistakes and be grown up when they f up and do the right thing. It seems your STBX just isn't one of them. Sorry about that.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh absolutely! I was off work for a few months because we agreed for me to stay home and manage our home upgrades when we first bought our fixer upper. I had quit the job I had when we bought because it was too far of a drive . But went back to work after only a few months. I worked , did the house hold chores, took care of our animal, paid bills , cooked , took care of the yard ect so I was no lazy wife. It’s just mind blowing the ugliness that is now spewing from him because I don’t understand it. When I found his videos he said “ well I never loved you” we’ve been together 11 years and has been an animal since


I really liked your post about not allowing yourself to become a victim. Post that on a mirror you look at every morning.

I have no idea what "real ugly" with a coworker was, but assume it is grounds for divorce and reconciliation is off the table in your mind.

He is acting out. He is trying to get a reaction out of you. He is trying to convince himself in that video that this is all for the best and that he is going to be better off. WHO CARES. Don't try to make sense out of his silly behavior. Are you agonizing over why he "got ugly with a co worker?" No and you shouldn't be. His immaturity and stupidity is not something you should waste your time trying to figure out. DON'T BE A VICTIM.

Move on with your life. Share a copy of the video with your divorce attorney and tell the divorce attorney to make sure you get a very fair financial settlement. I am sure that your soon to be ex-husband's divorce attorney will shake his head when your attorney shares the video.

Now take all that mental energy and use it to work on improving yourself and healing your emotional pain. Maybe get some individual counseling (and ask your attorney to have the cost for it be included as something your ex will be paying for). Start an exercise program as exercise is a good anti-depressant and a good way to regain self confidence. 

Good luck to you. You will get through this and live life to the fullest. The best revenge is a life lived well.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> I really liked your post about not allowing yourself to become a victim. Post that on a mirror you look at every morning.
> 
> I have no idea what "real ugly" with a coworker was, but assume it is grounds for divorce and reconciliation is off the table in your mind.
> 
> ...


Thank you! I have started all of that. The videos were videos of her saying I love you, when he responded he sent Trojan horse delete delete so her husband didn’t see it and his said hey babe I love you thanks for being my person, over the six months leading up to that there had been numerous other things as well. I think I knew that was coming unfortunately


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What I tell everyone is that when you divorce if you have kids, share custody 50/50, which has become the norm in the United States, we're both the man and the woman have the children 2 and 1/2 days through the week and one day on the weekend. This gets rid of most custody payments, though it can vary by state, but mainly it gives the woman an equal chance to thrive at her career because then she has three and a half days without the children to concentrate on her career or social life or just get some rest. I know it's hard to turn loose of your kids especially when you've been the primary caretaker and especially if you don't trust the other spouse that you're divorcing, but the kids need to see both parents, and you're just shooting yourself in the foot if you don't make the other spouse to do their part, perhaps for the first time.
> 
> I know a man who said he would leave the country before he would pay child support or divide their assets.. fortunately judges will freeze a passport when it comes to that although it could still be years before he gets caught trying to use it.


Fortunately we don’t have children. That I am grateful for since this has turned so ugly


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> Why is he acting like this?
> 
> He's an azzhat. This is who and what he is and with that being the case, there had to be signs before this.
> 
> ...


It actually did. That’s the scary part. In June I found some messages on his work chat between this coworker that we’re highly inappropriate. When I confronted him, he had never acted the same since.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> He's able to do this, act like this because that's who and what he is.


This is correct, and it has nothing to do with you. It's indeed WHO HE IS. I used to use the term POSOM when I first found out about it. When the OM dumped her ass and went back to his wife and his family, I recognized that his POS title, although accurate, was a temporary title. The term POSWW morphed into POSGF, POSF, and POSXW. That's who she was.


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## Trdd (Jan 11, 2022)

Everyone is united here in quickly seeing your soon to be ex husband as, in my words, less than a man. No accountanility, no measure of humility, no concern for others, no self control makes him less than a man. He's an adult toddler at best and a spoiled rotten one at that. 

So you can ignore the spoiled toddler now, he's not yours. His emotional diaper is dirty, very very full of crap.... but you do not have to change it. Sure, you might still smell it from a distance but he gets to sit in it and you should try to leave it at that.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Ldziesinski said:


> It actually did. That’s the scary part. In June I found some messages on his work chat between this coworker that we’re highly inappropriate. When I confronted him, he had never acted the same since.


Post a video of Kelly Clarkson’s Since you’ve been Gone.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

aine said:


> Post a video of Kelly Clarkson’s Since you’ve been Gone.





TJW said:


> This is correct, and it has nothing to do with you. It's indeed WHO HE IS. I used to use the term POSOM when I first found out about it. When the OM dumped her ass and went back to his wife and his family, I recognized that his POS title, although accurate, was a temporary title. The term POSWW morphed into POSGF, POSF, and POSXW. That's who she was.


I don't know what any of those abbreviations mean lol


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

While it doesn't help you at all, I've realized that this kind of thing is pretty common in people who cannot and will not come to terms with behavior that goes against their own ethics and morals. 

The people who are the sociopathic types and don't find anything wrong with cheating (or any behavior that is against the grain of common morality) aren't likely to make a big stink about it. They coldly just shut you out or don't care about your feelings.They also don't tend to go overboard to make you feel bad because they don't care enough. But I think your STBX is in the majority of the other type of people who cheat; and actually know they have done something terrible and destroyed another person in the process. 

The reason why he is treating you like this, is because it's much easier to make you the enemy, the bad person, the one who deserves this, than it is to face himself and what it means that he hurt a person whom he was supposed to protect from hurt. A person he did in fact care about. And he did it on purpose, then lied and hid it and kept doing it until he was caught. Because honestly... what does that make him if he admits that? It's much easier to create an enemy of another person and create an illusion they deserved the cheating, than it is to face being the enemy, and the bad person, a man that failed his wife. This is why these people twist themselves into pretzels and do mental gymnastics to make it not their fault. 

Maybe one day he will come to terms with it, who knows, many do not. But the classier you are, the more you refuse to engage, the better for you (as it will also hopefully continue to eat at him and his shriveled soul). So stay classy Ldziesinski. You are doing great.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Ldziesinski said:


> So my husband and I are getting divorced after finding him being inappropriate with a female coworker. He has been really ugly the whole process. It’s humiliating and hurtful.
> 
> today *I was shown a video he made for social media playing beyonces “to the left to the left” of 2 small boxes of my belongings in there*. Like I don’t get anything else from our divorce.
> 
> My question is why would someone continue to humiliate you? I’ve gone no contact, haven’t asked mutual friends about him , nothing. I thought that was the right move .


Is he like a teenager or something?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Eh, consider the source. He's a whole ass, be thankful you don't have children with this azzhat.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Whatsnext87 said:


> More than likely it's to get a reaction out of you. They will poke the open wounds in hopes that you'll react.


Any idea why? lol


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> Any idea why? lol


Because he's an asshole?

Sometimes occam's razor applies.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> Any idea why? lol


From your description of his behavior, he seems fatally flawed in the emotional maturity department.

Does he get into fights? Does he get into trouble with others and run away?

His very poor behavior would seem to get him some very negative attention in real life.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> From your description of his behavior, he seems fatally flawed in the emotional maturity department.
> 
> Does he get into fights? Does he get into trouble with others and run away?
> 
> His very poor behavior would seem to get him some very negative attention in real life.


He has, he has said he loves to fight physically. And he does again lol, if you are trying to have a serious conversation - he will ignore, yell and scream or walk out... and that is not a fight, its just trying to have any conversation - when he is done he does not care what anyone else says


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> He has, he has said he loves to fight physically. And he does again lol, if you are trying to have a serious conversation - he will ignore, yell and scream or walk out... and that is not a fight, its just trying to have any conversation - when he is done he does not care what anyone else says


I have always wondered if emotionally he was a grown man or not....


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Mybabysgotit said:


> Is he like a teenager or something?


I am beginning to wonder....


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## Lola Lavender (12 mo ago)

People like that are just not worth it at all. It seems like his insecurities have kicked in and good, he derserves to feel lousy and he will!

You be your true authentic self and be the Queen he missed out and will miss out on. 

Stay silent and do you. Let him make an arsehole of himself, everyone sees and they do know what a bellend he is!


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## Whatsnext87 (12 mo ago)

Ldziesinski said:


> Any idea why? lol


Honestly, I think because as long as you have a reaction then you still care.
Goes with that whole I can't have you but, I don't want anyone else to have you either.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

He's doing it to hurt your feelings, because that makes him feel more powerful. 

So never show that your feeling are hurt or let him know of any reaction.

He's doing it to win allies in the court of public opinion. By making it look like you were the one who cheated, he wins sympathy.

So just laugh it off, say lighthearted things like "projection much?" to the people who brought it to your attention, and use the opportunity to trim off people who try to stay friends with both of you, or those who believe him and won't be corrected.

He's doing it to get a rise out of you, make you react with anger, make you do something that makes you look bad in court, and gives him an edge.

So focus your time and energy on your lawyer and getting a fair agreement that gets him out of your life. Let him be the one who wastes energy thinking up this **** that only makes him look immature.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Whatsnext87 said:


> Honestly, I think because as long as you have a reaction then you still care.
> Goes with that whole I can't have you but, I don't want anyone else to have you either.


Him feeling that way about me, or him thinking thats how I feel if I have a reaction?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Why do you still have him on any of your social media?


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Cynthia said:


> Why do you still have him on any of your social media?


I don't. I even have his number blocked. I was shown it by a mutual friend.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

He's goading you. Don't let him see you flustered.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Ldziesinski said:


> I don't. I even have his number blocked. I was shown it by a mutual friend.


That's good that you have him blocked. Your "friend" shouldn't be connected to him either. You don't need to know what he's doing. It only adds pain and drama to your life. She needs to stop sharing this garbage with you.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Cynthia said:


> That's good that you have him blocked. Your "friend" shouldn't be connected to him either. You don't need to know what he's doing. It only adds pain and drama to your life. She needs to stop sharing this garbage with you.


I did ask them too. That I do not want to know who or what he is doing anymore.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

CatholicDad said:


> Stay classy. When everyone sees his feed they’ll know he’s an idiot.


have the lawyer make sure the judge in your divorce proceedings sees that video!


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