# "Accidents" and Abortion



## fianceofangler

We are taking contraception to a level we never experienced before. I have never NOT had sex in a relationship but our decision to stop after 2 years is because we do not want accidents.

I am atheist he is a Catholic. We are engaged and are talking about family and our views. Here where we are at.

If an accidental pregnancy was to happen I want an abortion. He does not.

I find it really irresponsible when he says, "I want kids but not now because I feel we are not ready financially BUT if an accident happens I will raise it anyway."

I guess he wanted me to be comforted but I wasn't. I want a kid but only if both absolutely want it and will not have mixed emotions on its future.

I find this to be a half-assed way to go about life. One has to be prepared and cautious for such life changing scenarios. You either want a kid and have it or you don't and get rid of it for the good of all involved.

I would rather not have sex than give birth to an accident. I have known many people who had a hunch growing up that they were not intended and they were always right and it is cruel. Yes they are regular members of society but I will not be responsible for someone living that existence.

Yes there are happy accidents out there but I am not someone who happily shrugs in the face of failure. I work hard and take precautions.

Anyway I told him how I felt. Sometimes he gets enticed to do something and I say,"You know where I stand" meaning if he has to have sex with me I am allowed to handle accidents as I see fit . Usually this puts an end to things.

I am proud we are taking this much precaution despite differing views.


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## Mavash.

I know accidents happen but I don't see the point of this conversation. The pill is 98% effective so why discuss something that may or may not happen. I took the pill for 20 years and never had an accident.


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## 827Aug

fianceofangler said:


> I am atheist he is a Catholic. We are engaged and are talking about family and our views.


You are bound to have many more stumbling blocks along the way. The abortion issue is probably just the proverbial tip of the iceberg.


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## YinPrincess

Mavash. said:


> I know accidents happen but I don't see the point of this conversation. The pill is 98% effective so why discuss something that may or may not happen. I took the pill for 20 years and never had an accident.


Catholics are generally against using forms of BC... I am unsure whether or not OP is not using BC because of her fiance's beliefs... (Side note: I became pregnant TWICE while on the pill. Yes, I used it correctly... LoL)!

OP... Think long and hard before you get married. :/

When do you think you might want children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fianceofangler

Marriages have been ruined because these issues were never brought up in the beginning. I live a very organic life and never take any pills of any kind no matter how "harmless." I will not pump chemicals in my body for any reason. I just take care of my body a lot but also believe that I have power to improve my life and fate by being well-informed .

He and I discuss politics all the time and we agree to disagree a lot but one day our dinner discussion gave way to us talking about our views on things that are very important but young couples do not see the point in talking about.

I am not a fan of the "C'est la vie" mentality. Never was.


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## Amplexor

YinPrincess said:


> Catholics are generally against using forms of BC


I think you will find that most American Catholics do not share the view of the Vatican on birth control. My wife and I are both lifelong Catholics and have used various kinds of birth control though out our relationship including my own decision to be sterilized once we were done having kids. Our views on this subject are in the majority within the practicing Catholics we know including my 85 year old mother.


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## YinPrincess

Amp - I grew up rigidly Catholic (I've since moved away from those values). The rigidity came from my father, mainly. So much so, that when he found out my mother was using BC after they married he forbade her to continue. (Thus, myself and my siblings arrived). 

It is good to know that many practicing Catholics are now open to the responsibility and importance of using BC methods. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane

A diaphragm plus condom might be a good option for you. BC isn't just about pills.

How does he feel about abstinence? For how long?

And I agree with those who have said there are probably other issues that you two will disagree on, and you should definitely discuss all of them before marriage. Sex, finances, living situations and lifestyles, religion (and whether you will raise your children in any religion), sharing of household duties and responsibilities, children and expectations about SAHM or working moms...so many things that need to be ironed out. You can't agree to disagree on those things,


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## fianceofangler

I think we both got frustrated at first. It was hard for me too because we had to set a boundary in intimacy which I had never done before so I did not know how to approach.

After a couple of days we started to do alternatives. If ever we do break rules it is understood that I will handle any unfortunate outcomes using MY solution if ever contraception fails. In a way he still has a choice.


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## Tikii

My husband and I started having sex long before we were prepared to have a child. We woul never have aborted and unintential pregnancy. Like your fiance, we did not have the intention of having a child at that time, but if it happened, it happened and we would raise the child. I could NEVER abort a child if my husband or the father of the baby wasn't 100% on board. I would never think of saying "by having sex, he's giving me permission to make the decision if it happens", especially when I am not willing to take a contraceptive to prevent it. For the record, I have never and will never take birth control. 

I let my husband read this, and he said he would leave me if I ever had the attitude displayed in that most recent post. "In a way he has a choice" is disgusting. A child that is created together, should only be destroyed together.


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## that_girl

I don't know how an atheist and Catholic person can be happy, especially when kids come. 

Good luck with that. I honestly mean that.


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## MEM2020

love this suggestion. 

The combo is 99 + percent.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's too bad you can't have your uterus removed and put in storage somewhere. How cool would that be?

Does your guy know that most birth control works by stopping the implantation of a fertilized egg? This includes some forms of the pill and also IUD's. 

Maybe you too can try alternative sex meaning figuring out ways to fulfill each other physically and emotionally without doing anything that would lead to pregnancy. Or is he so Catholic that he will only have sex for procreation purposes?

I am with your guy. If I got pregnant I would not destroy a life. I am a woman, and I have had to have an abortion because of fetal tissue being necrotic and threatening my life...the baby would not have lived, still it was a traumatic thing to have happen to one's child and it sounds like he is a sensitive person and would be traumatized by any such undertaking so you are correct to look out for him in this way. It speaks volumes of you that you have not considered just doing something like getting an abortion behind his back and keeping quiet about it and have rational thoughts about how far you are willing to go to be a parent, or not.

I was in a relationship with a guy who refused to use birth control and would tell me if I got pregnant that I would 'have' to have an abortion, that if I didn't he would be an absentee parent. I ended up getting a divorce after he promised to use condoms and then slipped it in me without putting one on (after he had been caught cheating). 

It sounds like you two are more mature than that. Unfortunately it may come to mean that you do not get married, as it seems like your values are inconsistent on a major level that really does affect your relationship, and will continue to affect it after your marriage. The only thing I can see is that you harvest eggs and have a hysterectomy and use a surrogate but even then you might have to face some kind of issue like ending up with triplets and one of them needing to be 'culled' to protect the others...

Then there is the issue of your kids...when they are older and start having sex...what will you two decide as parents to advise your children if they are minors, when it comes to unwanted pregnancies? And what if one of you has an affair and it results in an unwanted pregnancy...

There is more to this than just an unwanted pregnancy at this time. It is a major value difference. About something that is important in marriage (sex).


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## fianceofangler

Tikii said:


> we did not have the intention of having a child at that time, but if it happened, it happened and we would raise the child.


I LOVE sex. Sex is awesome but is not a reason to have an accident as big as this. We are growing by being abstinent and are probably more realistic than the average engaged couple. Core values are not tampered with no matter how much temptation. Anyone else ever been in this situation?


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## Lon

I was always afraid of accidental pregnancy more than sex too, the result was I never got sex. I wish I could go back and tell my young self to just man up and buy some rubbers.

As for B.C. lots of methods are highly effective - if you are able to abstain, like I always pretty much did, you have a very good chance at using pull-out method successfully, with "perfect use" it is actually atleast as effective for B.C. as condoms - the tricky part is most guys don't have the discipline for perfect use every time... though I did (cause I was terrified of accidents)

And if you combine pullout method with fertility awareness (ie chart method or rythm method) you are probably as likely to get pregnant from a public toilet. Also, perfectly fine if its not your thing but there is also the "backdoor method".


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## Anonymous07

fianceofangler said:


> I am atheist he is a Catholic. We are engaged and are talking about family and our views. Here where we are at.
> 
> If an accidental pregnancy was to happen I want an abortion. He does not.


Both of you have very different *core values* and this is only the beginning of your problems. When you marry someone, you want to share the same core values/beliefs, as that just makes life so much easier and will give your marriage that much more of a chance to survive the long haul. 

My husband and I have always agreed on all of our core values(same religious views, same political views, same views on rearing children, same views on commitment, etc. etc.). We used protection and I recently found out I'm pregnant. I wouldn't call it an accident per say, but more of a surprise. Yes, we didn't plan the pregnancy, but that does not mean that the baby is not wanted. I don't know if there is ever a perfect time to get pregnant and have talked to so many people that had surprise pregnancies. My husband was a surprise pregnancy himself. 

There are a lot more issues both of you really should talk about before ever making the marriage commitment. There are a number of issues that you can't agree to disagree on.


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## Anonymous07

Lon said:


> I was always afraid of accidental pregnancy more than sex too, the result was I never got sex. I wish I could go back and tell my young self to just man up and buy some rubbers.
> 
> As for B.C. lots of methods are highly effective - if you are able to abstain, like I always pretty much did, you have a very good chance at using pull-out method successfully, with "perfect use" it is actually atleast as effective for B.C. as condoms - the tricky part is most guys don't have the discipline for perfect use every time... though I did (cause I was terrified of accidents)
> 
> And if you combine pullout method with fertility awareness (ie chart method or rythm method) you are probably as likely to get pregnant from a public toilet. Also, perfectly fine if its not your thing but there is also the "backdoor method".


Your suggestion is not as effective as you think... I'll use myself as the example. I'm pregnant.


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## Lon

Anonymous07 said:


> Your suggestion is not as effective as you think... I'll use myself as the example. I'm pregnant.


Conception requires an egg and spermatozoa (or atleast one successful spermatozoon, to plant the flag), no sperm, or no egg or none of either and no baby.

Prior to the first male ejaculation, there is no sperm in the cowper's fluid (pre-cum), but after ejaculating once sperm can be left behind in the urethra. If there is still some sperm remaining in the urethra then if you have a round two the pre-cum could carry those sperm into the vagina if there is further penetration. So "perfect use" means after the first successful pullout keep the man's fluid away from the vagina until he flushes out his urethra with a trip to the bathroom to urinate.

And charting is ok too, except if you are trying to avoid pregnancy it means avoiding sex just before, during and for a several days after ovulation, the time of the month that women are typically most horny.


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## Wazza

Well, I'm old enough to have seen many cases of failed contraception. So I think not to trust it is 100% wise.

I would have found it very hard to deal with had my wife wanted to abort any of our children. We did have reason to in one case, but chose not to and I am very glad.

I'm also amused that your partner is happy to obey the teaching of the church on abortion but not premarital sex! Not that I was any better....


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## SimplyAmorous

fianceofangler said:


> We are taking contraception to a level we never experienced before. I have never NOT had sex in a relationship but our decision to stop after 2 years is because we do not want accidents.
> 
> I am atheist he is a Catholic. We are engaged and are talking about family and our views. Here where we are at.
> 
> If an accidental pregnancy was to happen I want an abortion. He does not.
> 
> I find it really irresponsible when he says, "I want kids but not now because I feel we are not ready financially BUT if an accident happens I will raise it anyway."


 I just find it sad ... when 2 people who love each other, engaging in sexual intimacy expressing this.....the closest one can get to another human being in all it's vulnerability....* if* a new life was created through this beautiful means... the blue prints of both of you....that this could so carelessly be referred to as an "accident"- wanting to just be thrown away. 

Some so called "accidents" are great blessings...and if you feel as strongly as you do -that IT deserves tossed out , forgotten because it isn't the right time.....Yes...Best to be abstinent... I will call you *responsible* in that. 

I know a lady from my Mops group where her husband's vasectomy failed... and many where the pill failed....they still had those children and cherish them today. 

Your boyfriend seems more open to life not always going as planned.. and together... hand in hand...you make adjustments ... make the best of it....which *is* a wonderful trait to have in a man....in fact one I would demand on.... I think He sounds like a great catch!! 

But if I was him, I'd be worried you ever wanted children ....given how you feel right now....also saying this "I want a kid but only if both absolutely want it and will not have mixed emotions on its future". Very clear by this statement - you may NEVER want children -your BF needs to understand this fact. Best to iron these things out fully before any commitments are made.. 

'Compatibility" = your best chances of a successful marriage where it won't feel like striving/ work and hard feelings, disagreements at every turn...this is just a sampling.... 

Click on this thread below & evaluate yourselves on a good 10 +++ vital issues...reading on this forum for so long... these R what destruct & snowball the majority of marriages... learning after they commit just how very different they look at life & love in general.


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## Anonymous07

Lon said:


> Conception requires an egg and spermatozoa (or atleast one successful spermatozoon, to plant the flag), no sperm, or no egg or none of either and no baby.
> 
> Prior to the first male ejaculation, there is no sperm in the cowper's fluid (pre-cum), but after ejaculating once sperm can be left behind in the urethra. If there is still some sperm remaining in the urethra then if you have a round two the pre-cum could carry those sperm into the vagina if there is further penetration. So "perfect use" means after the first successful pullout keep the man's fluid away from the vagina until he flushes out his urethra with a trip to the bathroom to urinate.
> 
> And charting is ok too, except if you are trying to avoid pregnancy it means avoiding sex just before, during and for a several days after ovulation, the time of the month that women are typically most horny.


My husband and I used NFP - Natural Family Planning with charting cervical mucus (and condoms during "dangerous" times when ovulation occurred), along with him pulling out. I've tracked my cycle for the past few years and always knew when I ovulated. I can't use hormonal birth control for medical reasons, so that was never an option for me. I don't know when or how we "messed up", but something happened that I got pregnant. It had worked for us for over a year though and it was just this month that I found out I'm pregnant. 

It is actually unknown if pre-ejaculation contains sperm and many medical schools will just error on the side of caution, teaching students that there is sperm in pre-ejaculation. I was pre-med for 3 years before switching my major, but most of my friends and classmates went on to medical school. No medical doctor would ever tell a couple that the 'pull out method' is an option for birth control because it is unreliable. A better choice would be a non-hormonal IUD(not a good idea for women with bad cramps, endometriosis, etc. though), condoms, or other choices. Hormonal birth control choices are the most effective besides abstinence.


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## SimplyAmorous

Anonymous07 said:


> My husband and I used NFP - Natural Family Planning with charting cervical mucus (and condoms during "dangerous" times when ovulation occurred)


We did this too - our whole marriage...worked like a charm...always checking that mucus -if it stretched like raw egg white.. or globby.... there was ONE night I knew it was "*Ify*"... it was day 20 of my cycle... he wanted it .. .and we took a chance - he wasn't crazy about the raincoats...and well... Hmmm I got pregnant... I knew as soon as I found out , it was going to be another Boy -- (statistically speaking anyway) and ...yep.... here comes son #4. 

I never wanted to take Hormonal birth control, I didn't like the side effects I read about & am very thankful I never did.. because had I , we would have NEVER KNOWN I couldn't conceive (infertile for over 6 long yrs), needing surgery to correct my issue -after a c-section from 1st son. (my tubes were kinked)

I have a friend who took birth control for many yrs... decided at age 36 or so....it's time to try for that baby.... just wasn't happening ....then she got Graves Disease, and couldn't -due to her meds...which could harm a fetus....she very much regrets not trying earlier, and now lives for her dogs & cats it seems....you can just tell by her FB posts...

Though people really shouldn't have kids when they don't want them either... too much suffering in this world already, Foster Care system overworked, overcrowded / very sad state.

Waiting till we have the perfect house, all our ducks lined in a row...& trying later in life ...a little risk in this too...that it might not happen so easily.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Anonymous07 !


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## that_girl

In all honesty, I tracked my cycle so hard, I never used BC. I didn't get pregnant for 9 years. I knew my cycle inside and out and stayed away from my bf (at the time...whoever it was  ) the week before ovulation up until the day after it. I ovulate on day 19 and my period comes on day 33. Clockwork. I got pregnant 9 years apart. The first time was a SURPRISE . I decided NEVER AGAIN will I have a surprise. My second one was known from conception. I told him I was ovulating, he didn't mind  We've been together for 5 years. He did get snipped after she was born because we DO NOT want more kids. Ever.

But if you haven't already, study fertility and track your cycle for a few months, learn how it works for you. Sperm can live in ideal conditions for up to 7 days. The egg lives about 24 hours. TMI!! but signs of ovulation are egg white cervical mucus (discharge that looks like eggwhites), and sometimes dull aches. Don't have sex for the week before ovulation, day of ovulation or the day after.


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## Mavash.

I used NFP when I first realized I couldn't take hormones anymore. It worked great for a year or so. I got to know my body real well and then one month I didn't ovulate or at least I thought I didn't. I thought we were 'safe' but technically yes I broke a rule. We had unprotected sex (hubby knew the risks upfront) and the next morning my temp spiked and I knew I was pregnant. I just knew.

After we got over the shock of it she has been nothing but a joy to our lives. She's 7 now and she's just wonderful.


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## Lon

Anonymous07 said:


> It is actually unknown if pre-ejaculation contains sperm and many medical schools will just error on the side of caution, teaching students that there is sperm in pre-ejaculation. I was pre-med for 3 years before switching my major, but most of my friends and classmates went on to medical school. *No medical doctor would ever tell a couple that the 'pull out method' is an option for birth control because it is unreliable*. A better choice would be a non-hormonal IUD(not a good idea for women with bad cramps, endometriosis, etc. though), condoms, or other choices. Hormonal birth control choices are the most effective besides abstinence.


Well personally, I don't trust the NFP method, never have, not completely anyway... my first LTR lasted 7 years, she was on oral contraceptives at one point but was lousy at taking them, she also was not very regular, which is why I adopted pull out. We had a "sorta" sex life, probably PIV once or twice a month and usually after her menstruation. Though lots of other fun stuff, we were sexual over five years and never had any oopses.

Similar situation with my ex W, 8 year relationship she was on contraceptives, reliable as a swiss clock, I still never felt entirely comfortable with all the responsibility on her, so used pullout except for about a week after menstrual cycle.

I don't really like NFP because it's not my body and I don't entirely know what is going on. However with pullout it is entirely my body and me in control. So without other methods of contraception, I know atleast I can have PIV sex and not risk pregnancy.

Now as to doctors that tell patients that pullout is not a valid method of birth control, they need to pull their collective heads out of their asses, its not their job to instruct the patient what to decide, it is their job to provide them with accurate information to make their own decision.

With perfect use, withdrawl method has 4% rate of failure, compared to 2% for condoms. With "typical" use it's more like 18% rate of failure, and I believe if doctors actually shared to relevant information the typical use stats could be greatly improved upon (though of course there is always an ignorant portion of the population that will always get it wrong no matter how clear the information is).

Sex Study: Pull Out Withdrawal Method Rivals Condoms, Better Than No Birth Control - ABC News

Anyways for me, withdrawl, COMBINED with NFP there is little chance to go wrong. Of course, when I eventually get my vasectomy it will be a large weight off my mind someday.


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## Anonymous07

SimplyAmorous said:


> We did this too - our whole marriage...worked like a charm...always checking that mucus -if it stretched like raw egg white.. or globby.... there was ONE night I knew it was "*Ify*"... it was day 20 of my cycle... he wanted it .. .and we took a chance - he wasn't crazy about the raincoats...and well... Hmmm I got pregnant... I knew as soon as I found out , it was going to be another Boy -- (statistically speaking anyway) and ...yep.... here comes son #4.
> 
> I never wanted to take Hormonal birth control, I didn't like the side effects I read about & am very thankful I never did.. because had I , we would have NEVER KNOWN I couldn't conceive (infertile for over 6 long yrs), needing surgery to correct my issue -after a c-section from 1st son. (my tubes were kinked)
> 
> I have a friend who took birth control for many yrs... decided at age 36 or so....it's time to try for that baby.... just wasn't happening ....then she got Graves Disease, and couldn't -due to her meds...which could harm a fetus....she very much regrets not trying earlier, and now lives for her dogs & cats it seems....you can just tell by her FB posts...
> 
> Though people really shouldn't have kids when they don't want them either... too much suffering in this world already, Foster Care system overworked, overcrowded / very sad state.
> 
> Waiting till we have the perfect house, all our ducks lined in a row...& trying later in life ...a little risk in this too...that it might not happen so easily.
> 
> Congratulations on your pregnancy Anonymous07 !


Thank you! I was supposed to ovulate in late September, around the 28th, and had the signs of it(egg white cervical mucus). We avoided sex starting a week before that, but I had been stressed out at the end of that month and have a feeling I ovulated much later than expected. I've always known my cycle well, but obviously last month did not go as planned. Although it is a surprise pregnancy, I really don't think I'd change anything. Life doesn't always go as planned, so you learn to adapt and change to what ever circumstance that comes along. If you wait for the "perfect" time to have children, it may never come along. My cousin is that example. They wanted to wait until they had 'x' amount of money in the bank, a steady job for 'x' amount of time, owned their home, etc. and by the time they got to that point, she couldn't get pregnant. Fertility sharply declines after age 35 for women. 



Lon said:


> Well personally, I don't trust the NFP method, never have, not completely anyway... my first LTR lasted 7 years, she was on oral contraceptives at one point but was lousy at taking them, she also was not very regular, which is why I adopted pull out. We had a "sorta" sex life, probably PIV once or twice a month and usually after her menstruation. Though lots of other fun stuff, we were sexual over five years and never had any oopses.
> 
> Similar situation with my ex W, 8 year relationship she was on contraceptives, reliable as a swiss clock, I still never felt entirely comfortable with all the responsibility on her, so used pullout except for about a week after menstrual cycle.
> 
> I don't really like NFP because it's not my body and I don't entirely know what is going on. However with pullout it is entirely my body and me in control. So without other methods of contraception, I know atleast I can have PIV sex and not risk pregnancy.
> 
> Now as to doctors that tell patients that pullout is not a valid method of birth control, they need to pull their collective heads out of their asses, its not their job to instruct the patient what to decide, it is their job to provide them with accurate information to make their own decision.
> 
> With perfect use, withdrawl method has 4% rate of failure, compared to 2% for condoms. With "typical" use it's more like 18% rate of failure, and I believe if doctors actually shared to relevant information the typical use stats could be greatly improved upon (though of course there is always an ignorant portion of the population that will always get it wrong no matter how clear the information is).
> 
> Sex Study: Pull Out Withdrawal Method Rivals Condoms, Better Than No Birth Control - ABC News
> 
> Anyways for me, withdrawl, COMBINED with NFP there is little chance to go wrong. Of course, when I eventually get my vasectomy it will be a large weight off my mind someday.


It takes a while for the hormones from the pill and other hormonal contraceptive methods to get out of a woman's body, which could have effected your "effectiveness" of the pull-out method you used. Obviously the pull-out method is better than using no birth control at all. BUT, it is still much less effective than other methods. 

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/effectiveness_rate_of_birth_control_methods-health/article_em.htm

The IUD is great, either hormonal or non-hormonal, if the woman can use that. I couldn't because I have endometriosis, which causes severe cramping and the IUD would only make it worse. But, for those that can use it, it is highly effective and you don't really have to worry about it. Just check it every once in a while to make sure it's still in place. Then, of course, as you said a vasectomy or tubal litigation, is also highly effective, once you're done having kids.


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## stoney1215

he is not giving a mixed message at all . he is saying exactly how he feels . he DOES want to have kids . he does not want to have them right now because of your finances . that means he would prefer to wait until your financial situation is better . if you became pregnant " accidentally " he does not want you to abort because he DOES want kids . 

he would rather you guys wait to have kids , but since you will not use birth control to help ensure that , he is telling you that he understands and accepts the risk of pregnancy and is prepared to raise a kid earlier than expected.

there are many forms of birth control besides the pill . look into using one that you are ok with . and FYI if you were to have an abortion there are antibiotics and pain medications that you will have to take . if you will not take any pills then that would not be an option for you . birth control , getting pregnant , having an abortion , and raising children are all very important things that should be taken seriously . important enough to rethink your irrational refusal to take any pills . pills are not bad and not just for getting high . our society has a pill for everything . sometimes the side effects are worse than what they are supposed to treat . they are not the cure for everything . but they are the cure for somethings.


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## Corpuswife

I know you are hearing a lot about the differences in your religious philosophies. 

There is a reason....if you have been married for a number of years and had a kids, it's a different ballgame. There is even more of an INVESTMENT. It more than my values and your values. How do you combine or ignore those when it comes to the rearing of your children?

I would highly recommend premarital counseling to iron out the possible issues.


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## Starstarfish

You need to find a long-term solution to this problem. Are you planning on not having sex after you get married as well? Or - are you planning on starting a family the moment you get married?

As - otherwise, you'll need to decide on some kind of birth control - there are indeed quite a few non-hormonal methods that might better align with your "green" values. 

I'd talk to your doctor/chiropractor/naturopath about options - as even if you decide to hold off sexually for now, eventually, you'll need to cross this bridge.


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## StargateFan

Even if you dodge the the issue now, there will be values conflicts in the future. What values will you use with your children ? His values are that one person can control the reproductive health of another person. Will you be comfortable with him controlling the reproductive health of your children? If a child thwarts his authority over their body, will he become at best emotionally abusive to that child or you ?

If you are comfortable with that, things have a chance to work out. If not disaster will strike eventually.


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## NightLight

Your fiance should not marry you, or you should not marry him - take it whichever way you want.

As others have said values here are the real issue, not birth control. If either of you are ignorant to that fact and do marry this and other issues will come up time and time again.

Do him a favour, move on - you'll be happier too!


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