# To move or not?



## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

My current problem doesn't really have a solution, but getting other points of view will help.
I have been wanting to get out of this area for many years, for various reasons (and particularly after this hellish winter). Before my divorce, we had talked for years about escaping the northeast. My oldest son lives across the country, in an area where I would love to check out and maybe move to permanently, where there is no prolonged winter.
Each year I get more and more despondent in the winter, and feel like I really am not going to make it through another one.
The problem is my youngest son has got 2 to 3 years left of college left in the area, and is also very close to his girlfriend who lives here.
I desperately want to get out of this big lonely house, but getting something smaller in this area is too depressing to think about.
My question is, is it better for my son to have a depressed, unhappy mother, but a familiar home to come to on college breaks and summer, or up root him and have him have to stay with me or his father on breaks, far away from everything that is familiar to him? I really feel like I can't take it here anymore. Any thoughts would be appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you asked him how he would feel about the options?


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Have you asked him how he would feel about the options?


This. You should probably also ask your other son how he would feel about you being closer.

But my opinion at face value would be to stick it out until your youngest finishes college.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I went away to college, which was great to see and learn about new areas. Your son lives nearby, but at college. Perhaps seeing new places on breaks would be good for him. Stability is more important for young children, IMO. Change and challenge is important for emerging adults -they're going to be on their own soon and need to learn to cope.

If you'd be happier moving someplace more to your liking, do so. Your son surely wants your happiness as much or more than his own temporary convenience. But it you can't decide, ask him what he thinks, and DO explain your reasons.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

Your son is going to be just fine whether you live right next door or move across the country. I assume he is surviving in college, all by himself without you and he will continue to do that. This is such a time of independence for him. Sounds like you've been a great mom and I'm guessing he is going to deal with this change without a hitch. Take the time to explain to him how your feeling so he understands the reasons behind it and how hard it has been for you. Absolutely ask him how he feels about it. I'm guessing he will support you 100%.


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