# Jealous of friends with money



## moonstone999 (Jul 11, 2012)

Hello all,
Any of you in the same boat I'm in?
I bring home the bacon while DH is stay-at-home-dad. Our finances are pretty tight, well, always. After 20-odd years as a carpenter DH has a bad back so he's going to look into disability.

My sister-in-law (DH's sister, who is my age) called me last night as she and hubby were shopping for brand new Camaros to match their brand new house. They have no kids and both have high-paying jobs. Actually SIL is an idiot and snagged this guy somehow, and he got her the job. (Yes, I know, I'm ranting.)

A coworker of mine is getting married in a few months, and her fiance makes 6 figures.......testing video games. (OMG am I ever in the wrong line of work!) This coworker comes in every day with her designer shoes & purses and tells me about her weekend at the spa......(And I'll tell her where she can put that Kate Spade purse!)

I know, I'm still ranting. It's early, I have a very long day ahead of me, DH is having oral surgery tomorrow, and we have 24 hours to come up with several hundred dollars in copayment. 

At this moment, yes, I'm very jealous of friends with money. It must be nice.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Jealousy happens before you realize it but it's a useless emotion that will get you nowhere...unless you want to age yourself and become bitter about your situation.

I used to have a lot of money and was married to a wealthy guy.It wasn't all it's cracked up to be and it's certainly not all people present it to be when they're bragging.

For your jealousy regarding your SIL, she made the choice to have no children.She got the job however she got it,it isn't for you to make a judgment call on her because of it.

You married who you married knowing what he did for a living, the potential for injury and such things like that. 
You made the choice to have children. What's the point in being jealous of people who made different choices than the ones you've made? 

Regarding your coworker,remember that a lot of times people who brag the most about their material assets are usually the ones who are the most unhappy on the inside. They are typically the ones who have the most strife behind closed doors.

I get the need to blow off steam with a rant/vent.But it would be beneficial to remember the grass isn't always greener...even with a ton of money to maintain it.

Seems like some people have it all when you're on the outside looking in then comparing it to your situation. It's important to realize they most likely do not have it all.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

moonstone999 said:


> Hello all,
> Any of you in the same boat I'm in?
> I bring home the bacon while DH is stay-at-home-dad. Our finances are pretty tight, well, always. After 20-odd years as a carpenter DH has a bad back so he's going to look into disability.
> 
> ...


I would not call this a rant. There is a huge difference between someone who lives comfortably enough but just pines for more, and someone like you who has a hard time getting the basics (medical care) covered.

I'm sorry for the situation you are in and wish the best for you. And kudos to understanding this is not your husband's fault and sticking by him.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Forget about what others have that you don't have and concentrate on ways of improving your situation. You say your H has a bad back. Is there no sort of sedentary work that he can do? With respect, unless he's severely disabled, OP, being a stay at home dad isn't really an option for him right now.

It's hard not to envy others who seem better off when we're struggling, so try not beat yourself up too much over that...

I'm sorry you're going through this, and hope that things improve for you.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I try to take joy from seeing other people doing well (as long as it is not at the expense of others).

The storey of the retired grandfather who won £1.4 million ($2.1m) on the lottery and was taking ALL the family to Florida. 
My sister (now that her kids have grown and her mortgage is clear) taking a 3 week cruise with her husband for their 30th anniversary.

These things make me happy not sad or jealous.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Moonstone, the more you focus on yourself, your own earning potential, the less it hurts to see others doing better. For example, I know a friend that felt down because a mutual buddy was making $160,000 a year; about $100k more then him. It really effected him negatively. I told him to stop focusing on the high earning buddy and start focusing on himself. So he tool my advise, and taught himself Java, HTML, JavaScript, and other IT technologies. Three years later he's making $200k as a freelance IT developer. The point is, as long as you expect your loser husband to do more, and as long as you keep focusing on other people, the more horrible you are going to feel about yourself. Go back to school or do something to increase your income potential. As you start working on yourself, you'll have no time to gawk at others and feel jealous.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

I've learned that you have to just let all the jealousy go - it'll only wear you out from the inside.

There are always going to be people with more money than you out there, and if you look for it, it'll get out of proportion.

About 3 years ago I shared an office with a couple of guys. One of them just bought a new house. Paid $7 Million. Cash. We had lunch together not too long ago. Still the same old guy.

I'm not in that league money-wise. Never have been. Never even close.

Yet, to a lot of people I'm out of their league as in having more than they do.

I try and remember I'm always just in a continuum, and that it's possible to switch places as time goes on.

I know it can be hard, but you have to separate the looking at other people's money situations from the attention you give to managing your own situation the best you can.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Jealousy happens before you realize it but it's a useless emotion that will get you nowhere...unless you want to age yourself and become bitter about your situation.
> 
> I used to have a lot of money and was married to a wealthy guy.It wasn't all it's cracked up to be and it's certainly not all people present it to be when they're bragging.
> 
> ...


The first half of your post is solid and very good advice, but in my opinion the second half isn't necessarily accurate. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean that you're miserable, the truth is you have a lot less to worry about. She should just let go of the jealous feelings because they are useless as you said. Getting over these feelings by telling yourself that most successful people are unhappy at home isn't positive.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> The first half of your post is solid and very good advice, but in my opinion the second half isn't necessarily accurate. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean that you're miserable, the truth is you have a lot less to worry about. She should just let go of the jealous feelings because they are useless as you said. Getting over these feelings by telling yourself that most successful people are unhappy at home isn't positive.


I'm not telling her that's always the case and I'm not telling her she should use that as a way to get over jealousy. I'm trying to give her some perspective that she so obviously needs if she thinks money gives you instant peace and happiness.
But I'm thrilled you approve of the first half.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would so much rather have an awesome marriage with my husband and living paycheck to paycheck rather then living unhappily with all the material luxuries in the world. 

I understand it's important to have money to make ends meet, but people who I know that have many material luxuries are never happy.

I'll take love and happiness over anything else. Even if that meant not having the luxuries others have.

What other people think doesn't bother me. What really matters is what my husband and I think as a team. I'm disabled myself and I'm unable to work. Although, I doubt I'd work if I was able to anyways. I like the frugal life. Actually my husband puts away money for our future, so he's able to retire early or at the normal age. He doesn't want to work until the day he dies.

Most people with many luxuries are swimming in large amounts of debt anyways. We don't want that either.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Just try to remember there's always someone out there who would kill to be in your shoes.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What God decides to give someone else is none of my business. What He chooses to give me is more than sufficient. Her fiance' could be gone tomorrow. His job could be gone tomorrow. The fancy Camaro could be on fire, wrapped around a tree next week. At best, it'll depreciate in value and be basically worthless in just a few years. I could pay cash for just about any new car. I drive used ones because I'd rather pay me for my labor than pay the bank for the "privilege" of driving something temporarily fancy. I don't have a lot of fancy stuff but I also don't have credit card debt. 
20 years from now, people may or may not need video game testers, but they will always need carpenters. That is a skill that has always been needed and always will be, in any spot on the globe. 
If you woke up on the correct side of the grass, it's a good day. If you have a roof over your head and food in your belly, it's a good day. If you look over and your significant other is still alive, it's a good day. A 20 year marriage offers security no fiance can match, regardless of what's in the guy's pocket this week.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I think it's only human to feel a bit jealous at times. However, I think if you can focus more on how you can make more money, learn what these people have done to get where they are, and then you don't have to be jealous. Take what information you can out of these people and use it to your advantage. There's something they are doing right in order be where they are. Look at it as a positive thing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> The first half of your post is solid and very good advice, but in my opinion the second half isn't necessarily accurate. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean that you're miserable, the truth is you have a lot less to worry about. She should just let go of the jealous feelings because they are useless as you said. Getting over these feelings by telling yourself that most successful people are unhappy at home isn't positive.


It's good to have money. Especially if you had it before, and maybe you where a bit egotistical and prideful the last time, maybe this time you can really appreciate it and the benefit it gives you and your loved ones. It's a blessing if you can get it. You should not hate it at all...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Don't put your faith in money or in anything it can buy. Your money and all your stuff can be gone in a heartbeat. The important things are those that can't easily be taken away, your relationships, your character, your knowledge, skills, values, and beliefs. If you have those things, you can always rebuild the rest.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Don't be fooled by a façade. It sounds like your friends are living at the very edge of their money. See, you can spend money or you can save money.. You really can't do both and from your description.. your friends are engaging in conspicuous consumption. The most important thing to them is spending money like they are rich. 99.9% of the people who have big fancy homes and drive big fancy cars have absolutely nothing in savings. See, owning something and having possession of something is totally different. They don't own that stuff.. the bank owns it. Let them miss one paycheck and watch the bank come get their stuff. 

People have a comfort level with spending. Some people are only comfortable saving money. Others are comfortable spending everything they make and others are comfortable spending every thing they make and everything they can borrow. That sounds like where your friends are. AND, if they income goes up... their spending adjust accordingly. 

Personally, I am very uncomfortable unless I'm saving money.

And, most importantly... money does not buy happiness. It is not a cliché. They are creating a façade. I could not be happy knowing that I had to go to work every day or the façade would come crashing down. 

Think of it this way. A couple that owes for a big home and owes for two big cars...and in debt up to their eye balls... the drunk living under the bridge that owes nothing is richer than they are. 

I was dating a girl once. This was 20+ years ago. I was making 6 figures... and she was making more than I did. She had a very nice home.. paid for... was driving a new Corvette... paid for.. she was cute, pretty, smart, petit, etc. etc. I kept thinking.. "I can learn to love this girl". Lasted about 3 years until I realized it wasn't happening. I told me mom that I was breaking up with her. Mom said.. "Son... ya'll could have SOOOO much together". And I replied. "Yeah mom... we'd be rich and miserable". I ended up marrying a girl that ran an in home day care center. And, I've been deliriously happy ever since. 

My advice to you is be happy... Don't be jealous. It is MUCH better to be happy than rich. 

I feel sorry for your friends. They are chasing an image.. and in the end they are probably going to be disappointed. A life based on possessions is a loser.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I don't buy that all of the folks that live like that are living paycheck to paycheck and in debt. Particularly the ones with no kids. The 90th percentile is $143K, so 1 in 10 are earning that much or more. If you start out living well within your means, by the time you're in your 40's you can really have a lot of stuff, stuff that is paid for with that income level.

I see that claim, or the claim that those that make more are unhappy in spite of it out of jealousy. I think people like to bash those that are earning more to try and make themselves feel better.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Read the book, "Millionaire next door" and "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". 

You do know that the average amount of money is people's checking account is $50.

Yeah, most people live paycheck to paycheck regardless of how much money they earn. 

Do you believe that most Americans know how to manage money?


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

People who are well off usually have investments, stocks where most of their money is sitting. Not in a checking account. If your money is sitting in a checking account, it's not making money.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> I see that claim, or the claim that those that make more are unhappy in spite of it out of jealousy. I think people like to bash those that are earning more to try and make themselves feel better.


I tend to agree with this. Saying that most people with means are unhappy and/or drowning in debt is wishful thinking. Its better to recognize that even though you may not be the wealthiest individual in your peer group, you still have things that others with more money don't have. No one has everything, we all have something that we wish or long for no matter how much money we have. This does not however mean that people with more money are unhappy shallow emotional train wrecks. To me it means they are just like everybody else, shuffling through life sometimes happy and content, sometimes dissatisfied, and sometimes sad.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Alot of people hate people who have more money or means than them. I always thought this mindset was a waste of time.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

moonstone999 said:


> Hello all,
> Any of you in the same boat I'm in?
> I bring home the bacon while DH is stay-at-home-dad. Our finances are pretty tight, well, always. After 20-odd years as a carpenter DH has a bad back so he's going to look into disability.
> 
> ...


Sure many people are envious of others who have more, especially when it seems undeserved or taken for granted. I never had an illusion that life is fair which is why I don't waist much time thinking about those with more. Well not negative time anyway but that's probably because it's not in my face. I do think about how life would be if we were wealthy but it doesn't make me begrudge those who are. My belief is that life is pretty comfortable for most when we're not worried about what everyone else has.

- When we're hot we have air conditioning.
- When we're cold we have heat.
- When we want to go somewhere we drive there.
- When we're hungry we have food and it's refriderated.
- Telivision is available 24/7.
- Can talk to anyone anywhere via cell.
- Can communicate with people from everywhere on forums like this.


No doubt very few (in this country) are worried about starving or freezing to death or being uncomfortable at all so long as we spend 40 out of 168 hours per week working physically cushy jobs.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Alot of people hate people who have more money or means than them. I always thought this mindset was a waste of time.


IMO, those that hate rich people... who are jealous ... are the wannabes. The people who are out spending every dime that can beg borrow or steal in order to APPEAR to be rich. They want you to be envious of them. 

There are a ton of people who fall into that category. 

Recognize that earning money and managing money are very different skill sets.

Your typical millionaire got that way because they have great money management skills. Just like appearing rich and being rich are two very different positions. Too many people mistake appearing rich with being rich.

I sure hope you don't think I hate rich people or am jealous of them.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> If you woke up on the correct side of the grass, it's a good day. If you have a roof over your head and food in your belly, it's a good day. If you look over and your significant other is still alive, it's a good day.


:iagree:

Count your blessings.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

I make $70 a year and many people i know, including my own family and friends are jealous of the money I make and i must say its frustrating as they all overlook the work and dedication it took to get to where I am.

While my friends were out partying in college, i stayed in my room, studying till 1 am on Saturday nights struggling to get passing grades as a Engineering major. While they were all in Cancun for spring break i was working as a intern, when they took 2 months to travel Europe after college i showed up to work at 7 am the day after i graduated.

I have friends who sky drive, others who go boating, another travels asia. All of my hobbies require little or no money to participate.

Also, @ the OP, you say your friends have no kids, as if this is the secret to getting rich and maybe it is, buy i would personally rather die poor with my children by my side than die than rich and alone.

You friends are buying Camaros, thats great, but how many 60+ hour weeks did they have to put in to get the money needed for those cars?



hambone said:


> IMO, those that hate rich people... who are jealous ... are the wannabes. The people who are out spending every dime that can beg borrow or steal in order to APPEAR to be rich. They want you to be envious of them.
> 
> There are a ton of people who fall into that category.
> 
> ...


How you manage it is very important, i know doctors who are in debt up to their eye balls who have considered bankruptcy and then there are people like my parents, who are retired making $250k+ a year but still drive used cars, never take vacations and shop at good will.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Toshiba2020 said:


> I make $70 a year and many people i know, including my own family and friends are jealous of the money I make and i must say its frustrating as they all overlook the work and dedication it took to get to where I am.
> 
> While my friends were out partying in college, i stayed in my room, studying till 1 am on Saturday nights struggling to get passing grades as a Engineering major. While they were all in Cancun for spring break i was working as a intern, when they took 2 months to travel Europe after college i showed up to work at 7 am the day after i graduated.
> 
> ...


BINGO my friend. You sound like me. Like, you, I studied most of the day Saturday and half of Sunday (while I washed clothes) to make it through pharmacy school. I ALWAYS out worked my peers. And I did some pretty crappy jobs... like janitor cleaning toilets all summer to earn money to go to college. 

I don't play golf.. am not a member of any CC. 

When I finally went to work... I had many employes who where about my age. And they were jealous of my income and position. Finally, I began to tell them "YOU can be a pharmacists". They'd get all excited and giddy and say, "REALLY?" Yeah!!!! all you have to do is spend a minimum of 2 years in pre-pharm and then 3 years in pharmacy school. Now, let me tell you... you'll be studying your butt off. You'll be studying every night to 10 O'clock... later if you have a test the next day... and you'll be studying Saturday's and Sundays. etc. etc. etc. And, what would they say? "I'd rather spend time with my friends and go out on Friday and Saturday night.. etc". 

It's a choice. And I made a different one from them.

BTW. My son is finishing his 2nd year in civil engineering at Louisiana Tech. 


One last thought. The people who accumulate wealth are good money managers. And earning income and being able to manage money are two very different skills. The world is full of people that earned millions a year and a few days after their last paycheck... they file for bankruptcy. 

The ability to manage money is what allows you to accumulate wealth. And, like I've said, spending like you're rich usually indicates that you aren't saving any money.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think we all feel a tinge of jealousy/envy over those things we want so badly for ourselves but can't seem to achieve...these unrealized / unlived dreams .....then we start thinking ....."why are they so lucky / blessed ...and not ME/ our family" ? It can take a downward spiral in our hearts towards these people who have what we secretly crave -we think...if only we can trade shoes with them....you may even secretly start hating them.... it's not a good place to go..... as it's not THEIR fault, they may have no idea you even feel this way...

Me personally, I've been very jealous/ envious of a couple things in my life.... but riches/ a lavish lifestyle was never one of those.... I've always been content shopping for bargains, garage sales & being proud of my frugal abilities...

THOUGH.....I was jealous of larger families (I was an only child).... those who had a close relationship with their mother (mine left me)... and just living in the country (a dream)... and If I didn't find young love when I did ...I probably would have been envious of those who had that. So I was spared one I guess... and had to work for the other 2...after we got married..... we did whatever we could to bring those 2 dreams to pass... 

If you take what your jealousy represents and realize...these are just unfulfilled dreams you want to achieve in this life... and Do whatever you can DO - within your sphere of power ....to make them a reality...even if very small steps.....this should help alleviate this some... 

BUT our choices early in life.. as having 4 children.. could have been a compromise to making the sort of $$ that a couple like them had the opportunity...choosing College/ degrees landing awesome high paying jobs..but they likely compromised on the children!

It always starts with a PLAN... Though your husband getting hurt..and now on disability can surely throw a monkey wrench into things... 



I remember watching this Lifetime movie a few Christmas's ago...about a Lower income family, SAH Mom with 4 kids...her husband did little jobs, they lived paycheck to paycheck, it showed their struggles ... 

Then she ran into an old flame, he had a Beautiful wife, they were RICH, dressed to kill... took lavish vacations... and she secretly wanted to BE his wife, felt she made a mistake..... well as the movie unfolded... it gave her this very opportunity....(it was all in a dream )....

She woke up in HIS mansion with HIS MAID at her beck & call... she was so excited... Overjoyed, she could shop till she dropped... but slowly as the days wore on...she realized her husband worked so much he was never there to enjoy, and he didn't treat her as affectionately as her poor husband either... she grew very sad and lonely ... all she had was the riches... to show off... 

The movie ended with her waking up... and almost like Scrooge... she was a NEW woman, kissing her children, dancing with her struggling husband who was just a handyman...and wow... just a new attitude after having stepped in the shoes of one rich woman. 

So yeah.. you just don't know what it may be like on the other side either.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

For what it's worth... 

My stbxh (big hint there) makes a 6 figure income. Has for some time. From the outside people would think we have it all. We both drive luxury cars, wear expensive clothes, frequent expensive restaurants.
What they DON'T know is for our entire marriage I have had to deal with his alcoholism/DUI, porn addiction, strip clubs, affairs, you name it, he's probably done it. The more money he made, the more intense his undercover activities became. Now, in running in those types of circles, well, he _*had *_to impress his strippers and wh0res, so unbeknownst to me, he opened up several CC accounts and racked up almost $20,000 debt on his own. Thanks to this and other stupid sh!t he's done, we are in the "paycheck to paycheck" category, despite the 6 figure income.
I've been poor. Earning minimum wage, not having health insurance. I've come home to a house with no electricity because we either didn't pay the bill or the check bounced, so I know how it feels. 

Today, I don't really worry about how the bills will be paid - but I share a bed with a man I neither love nor trust. 

There is no money in the world that can give me back that secure feeling of having a husband who loves me and is faithful to me. 

As the phrase goes - "All that glitters is not gold".


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Money's nice, but quite frankly it can come with alot of strings attached. A part of me is still thinking about selling off the business and starting over as a simple employee so that I can escape the responsibility I've shouldered last few years.

It's not always an easier life, and a simple life for me brings more happiness I found - I've been there in the gutter.
Now, there's the TRULY rich people, who sit on billions, the 5% of the population. The folks who don't have to do anything yet they'll always be rich... I wouldn't want to be anything like them.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> What God decides to give someone else is none of my business. What He chooses to give me is more than sufficient. Her fiance' could be gone tomorrow. His job could be gone tomorrow. The fancy Camaro could be on fire, wrapped around a tree next week. At best, it'll depreciate in value and be basically worthless in just a few years. I could pay cash for just about any new car. I drive used ones because I'd rather pay me for my labor than pay the bank for the "privilege" of driving something temporarily fancy. I don't have a lot of fancy stuff but I also don't have credit card debt.
> 20 years from now, people may or may not need video game testers, but they will always need carpenters. That is a skill that has always been needed and always will be, in any spot on the globe.
> If you woke up on the correct side of the grass, it's a good day. If you have a roof over your head and food in your belly, it's a good day. If you look over and your significant other is still alive, it's a good day. A 20 year marriage offers security no fiance can match, regardless of what's in the guy's pocket this week.


Uh, God doesn't decide what I get. And I bet people who live in abject poverty would wonder what they did wrong to be punished by empty bellies, dirt floors, lack of clean water, etc.

I agree we can always find things to be thankful for.


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## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

I think we have all been there. You will always see what others have over you but you should also see that you have a happy home outside of the financial problems. It wouldn't be a great thing to say that all wealthy people are unhappy because they are not! When you have money you aren't worried about paying bills or how you're going to afford this or that. If you are having trouble iwth money everything starts suffering including your relationship because it's much easier to blame the problem on your significant other and vice versa. See that you have a happy home with lovely children and that you will be able to provide the best that you can. But being jealous of wealth is inevitable I feel the same at times. And i curse inside my mind (and out loud) and then I'm fine  good luck!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Naturally, there are those who don't believe in a Creator and to them the world must appear very cruel and unfair. Why does God drop more rain on some parts of the world than others? When I meet him, I'll ask. Why do people stay in areas that produce neither jobs nor crops when God has given them legs? You'd have to ask them. God blesses the earth but He doesn't operate a shuttle service. One may have to move out of the path of hurricanes, out of economically depressed areas, out of a bad neighborhood. He makes it rain and He makes the sun shine but He expects me to do some planting and hoeing.


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## Bluecollar (May 23, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Uh, God doesn't decide what I get. And I bet people who live in abject poverty would wonder what they did wrong to be punished by empty bellies, dirt floors, lack of clean water, etc.
> 
> I agree we can always find things to be thankful for.


I agree, but god isn't going to drop a bag of money in your lap while you sit on your porch either. He gave you hands to help yourself.


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## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

My husband makes a 6 figure and I'm a SAHM and working a hobby craft business that makes nothing really but it's fun sometimes. We agreed that I'd stay home to watch the kids until they are in school full-time so that's why I'm where I am today. It will still be a struggle once the last child is in school full time (I just have 2 kids) still because of their after school activities. We've thought about hiring a nanny too but I want to be that mom to take my kids to dance practice and stuff. Anyway, we have student loans galore and a mortgage. No car loans anymore because we paid both of them off...and we saved up to do that. It's been hard work. The money is nice now but the journey was a lot of tears and faith in each other to not give up. This is what we look back on when we lose track.

I've always loved working and being able to help with bills and vacations, savings, fun things, etc. I had a friend who told me that she preferred to work and could never be a SAHM. I think she said it out of jealousy because she's never been a SAHM so how can she compare the two?

I myself sometimes go through spouts of jealousy because I want to work like other working moms. I used to be a working mom when husband was in school full-time and loved it but didn't like it so much when I had to drop off the kids at the babysitter. Terrible things happened and there was nothing I could do + many days I worked late into the night and my kids had to spend the night at the babysitter. It tore at me so much and thus, we made this decision for me to stay home.

So, even the grass isn't so green on this side where money isn't really an issue but I still want to feel empowered by working and being able to provide something more than just being a wife and mother. There is always going to be something. Life will not be perfect even when there's money, although, money does definitely make life a little easier...just not happier. Happiness is really something from inside you. Through our struggles, we remained happy and that's what held us together.


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## OttawaJones (May 31, 2013)

I just like to add one thing to this.

"I have been poor and I have been rich, I rather be rich"
Joan Rivers

Money makes life much more easy for the family. You don't have to be rich, but very well off is great.

OttawaJones


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/

I was hoping not to say this but... instead of envy there should be inspiration, like ok, you may encounter times of serious financial strain, but after it, why not think to yourself creatively - ask "what can I learn from it?" "How can I avoid this situation again?"

Making money and being financially stable can come right down to how well you manage your finances. The ability to manage finances is what sets the rich from the poor, not education or luck. Even the rich folk end up bankrupt, even lottery winners lose their fortunes in a matter of years. Financial management is a skill just like any other.

Based on your story (please forgive me if I am out of line), it sounds more like an issue with the inability to save. If you can't save, cut. BE stingy, don't let your envy of rich people get in the way, do what you have to do. Restrict yourself eating out, ensure strict household rules in regards to electricity usage, and keep finding more and more ways to save money.

Always ensure that when you need money, you have money, and the only way is through savings. Even after my business began turning over heaps of returns I never allowed myself to spend extravagantly... too much. 

Try this for a few months: Save up for $5K, but don't spend it no matter what unless it's a sure emergency, and even if you do have to draw money from it, replace the funds ASAP. Call it your "cushion", and this "cushion" is what will contribute to how you feel in regards to being comfortable with your finances.

After a while, add to it, and who knows, maybe one day this "cushion" will grow to be your pool of cash where you can swim in 
Unless of course you spend it all and lose it... heh, or get divorced
:slap: *sigh*


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> I was hoping not to say this but... instead of envy there should be inspiration, like ok, you may encounter times of serious financial strain, but after it, why not think to yourself creatively - ask "what can I learn from it?" "How can I avoid this situation again?"
> 
> ...


Awesome post. In addition to that, there's always someone to be jealous of if you let it be part of you. The 60k is jealous of the 120k's nicer house or car. The 120k is jealous of the 240k's bigger house and fancier car. The 1mil is jealous of the 100mil's yaught.

A trip around the world to 3rd world countries would open a lot of eyes to how lucky all of us are including those in poverty. At least we live where there's opportunity to survive and succeed.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

Really, like a previous poster said, it is a facade most of the time. I started off with nothing, worked really hard and earn a big salary, but no one would know by my possessions.

I live okay...I do not need to drive a BMW to show off to my neighbors or make me feel better or wear Armani suits. I feel better socking the max away year after year into 401K's, paying off loans asap, paying off the mortgage etc. I still go on vacations, dress nicely, drive mid-size cars coming off of someone elses lease so they take the depreciation and I then hold them for 10-12 years.

Now here is the kicker...people know that I'm a good investor and saver....and people come to me all the time for confidential advice as to why "they make a big salary but have little in savings"

I can not believe how many people my age (50's) who on the outside seem very comfortable and have fancy possessions but are really broke. The stories are amazing....they have very little in retirement. 

They finance everything, never pay cash, and always have loans. Never pay down their mortgages, instead some have a bigger mortgages now (through HELOC's and refinancing) than when they started 15-20 years ago. Always leasing (I call it renting) a car, therefore never owning a car. It's alarming! 

So don't be fooled by friends who are driving new Camaros!!
We live in a generation where there is a sense of entitlement and need every possession. But does that make you happy.

Yes, Read the Millionaire Next Door...that's more the reality.


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## OttawaJones (May 31, 2013)

How true, and that is simple stuff to follow. Don't need a University degree to understand it.

rules for creating wealth​
#1 pay off your debts faster
#2 you won't get rich on a 9-5 job
#3 get into a private business as soon as possible in life
#4 put aside money into retirement saving plans that can't be hit if the economy suffers.

There is more but these are good ones to follow.

Reminds me of a story. There was a guy who had the big house and the fancy cars that everyone drooled over. Then one day everything was in foreclosure. He was last seen driving his expensive car to his rented apartment. Moral here is only keep up with the jones if it doesn't put you into financial ruin.

THks


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