# Boyfriend against strippers/nude painting class



## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

My boyfriend and I have been dating a year. He is from a pretty traditional catholic family and so am I but my family isn't quite as religious as his.

Him and I have talked about this before and I know he doesn't like the idea of me going to a strip club for a bachelorette party or things of that nature but I was a little thrown off last night when we talked. I've never really dated a guy who cared about that at all. I completely respect that about my boyfriend and knowing he feels this way don't have any plans to go to a club like this in the future.

A little background-- I'm an artist and have been painting for years and have previously taken a nude drawing class. I don't plan on taking a class like this in the future but when discussing this with my boyfriend he pretty much told me he wouldn't ever like it if I took a class like that. I understand the whole stripper thing. I wouldn't want him going to strip clubs either but to not even have the option of taking a class like that in the future if I were to marry him kinda threw me off. I explained to him that a strip club and a nude painting class are two different things and as an artist you aren't looking at a nude figure as something sexual and he had kind of a hard time understanding that. 

It's kind of a silly post I know but are these boundaries reasonable? I'm agreeable to NO strip clubs but I'm still unsure if I'm ok with not even having the option of taking a class like this in the future if I wanted too. Is he being controlling?

Thanks in advance for your advice.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Your BF cannot seperate nudity from sexuality. 

The most helpful thing I could suggest is to slowly wear him down. Perhaps verbally accept his terms, but tell him you most certainly plan on raising the nude drawing again. Get him to understand your point of view, and he will let you go. Dont get angry or cross during said convo, because he will reutrn in kind. Also, get him to explain why he is against it. Id bet that he does a poor job of verbally explaining why, and this will hopefully make him self reflect.

Properly Communicate. Be completely honest with him and try to understand his point of view.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`m an artist as well.

Your boyfriends insecurity is a bit extreme.

If you want to attend a figure drawing session in the future I`d recommend taking him to one so he can see there`s nothing sexual about it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

First.... if you don't agree, then ask if it's a deal breaker for him. If it is, then you have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you!

Find out if he is going to allow smutty novels, racy movies, and whatever else might come up IN THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

yeah - I dont really understand the problem with a nude drawing class. I was raised traditional catholic too - though I am no longer in that 'club'.

Figure drawing is, sheesh.. pretty basic. Cripes its not about promiscuity or sexuality its about the human form - and NOT like, for example... 'body painting' ;-p

If you were a med student would he be ok with you seeing naked people? or a TSA screener? (I am only half joking)

SunnyT has good advice here - you need to be clear on this and understand each other here. If you think his position is crazy - I happen to agree with you.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Get him a book on the art found in Catholic churches. Heck the Sistene Chapel alone has hundreds of nudes.

The artists had to learn how to capture the human body somewhere.

If it's OK for the church, and God created it, he may be overreacting a bit.

The strip club thing, sure, but not drawing nudes is not reasonable.
Fear is born from ignorance. Maybe enlightning him on the artistic side of the nude can be a bonding moment.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I bet he isn't to kinky either. If you like sex and are open to expermenting sexually you are here now warned that you are probably setting your self up for a lfe time of vanella sex.if you marry this guy.

I'd look for a more compatible person.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> First.... if you don't agree, then ask if it's a deal breaker for him. If it is, then you have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you!


:iagree::iagree::iagree: For him this is a moral issue. He does not want you staring at another man's d*ck for any reason at all, strip club or art class makes no difference to him.


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

TRy said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree: For him this is a moral issue. He does not want you staring at another man's d*ck for any reason at all, strip club or art class makes no difference to him.




I think you're dead on. I'm gonna talk to him more tonight and see what other expectations he has in a woman he wants to spend his life with. 

The thing is, I don't know if I'd ever take a class like that again so I don't know if it even matters but still some important topics to discuss with him.


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

Talked to him more about it tonight. Turns out this would be a deal breaker for him. This would not be a deal breaker for me. He said he wouldn't be as bugged if I was drawing nude women (which i used to prefer to draw/paint anyway) and we decided if I need a male for reference I could use him. He has an amazing body so that's worth it to me 

Thanks for all the help!


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

hellolove said:


> ...The thing is, I don't know if I'd ever take a class like that again so I don't know if it even matters but still some important topics to discuss with him.


You are missing the point. This little prohibition on what you can and cant do will manifest itself in other ways - don't think that it wont. Has nothing to do with your likelihood of taking another class.

Good luck.


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> You are missing the point. This little prohibition on what you can and cant do will manifest itself in other ways - don't think that it wont. Has nothing to do with your likelihood of taking another class.
> 
> Good luck.


Really? Just because he has a strong opinion about this?


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

hellolove said:


> Talked to him more about it tonight. Turns out this would be a deal breaker for him. This would not be a deal breaker for me. He said he wouldn't be as bugged if I was drawing nude women (which i used to prefer to draw/paint anyway) and we decided if I need a male for reference I could use him. He has an amazing body so that's worth it to me
> 
> Thanks for all the help!


Sounds like you have it all worked out then! Kudos to both of you!


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> You are missing the point. This little prohibition on what you can and cant do will manifest itself in other ways - don't think that it wont. Has nothing to do with your likelihood of taking another class.
> 
> Good luck.


I tend to agree. Either he's exceptionally insecure (is he afraid the mere sight of another man's junk will turn her into a raging nympho? Will she drop down and fellate the model mid-class? Is he worried about how he'll measure up?) or he's controlling. Or his insecurity is making him controlling.
Either way, saying an art class is a marital dealbreaker is a red flag. If not of being over-controlling, then of being immature.

Ultimately, it's up to her what she's willing to put up with and when she's willing to put her foot down. But I suspect this won't be the last time something of this nature comes up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

hellolove said:


> Really? Just because he has a strong opinion about this?


Do not let the nay sayers get to you. Please keep in mind that this board does not represent a normal cross section of opinions. Many here have had bad experiences that do impact their views in a negative way. They see dire conflict everywhere. There opinions are important to hear as a reality check, but you do not have to act on them as truth if you do not agree.

You were open and talked it out. It was an important issue for him and not an important issue for you so you did the logical thing. Relationships are all about such give and take. In the future, there will be things that are important to you that will not be important to him that he will hopefully do the same for you if the relationship is healthy. Relationships are not about fighting over every issue important to you or not based on who is more right. They are all about working things out such that you can both live in peace and comfort with each other. What you need to watch for is if compromise is a two way street. Good luck. You did the right thing. Watch to see if he returns the favor in the future.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

(happily married for 20 years). FWIW.

again... good luck.


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## leelo (Dec 6, 2011)

Do you realize that agreeing to remain within this kind of boundary (No more nude art classes) is, in essence, saying "I will stifle my artistic education for you." Is this guy THAT important?

You said that you didn't have plans to take any other figure classes? Are you an artist by hobby, or is this your career?

If it's a hobby, I can see where this isn't a big deal.
If it's your career, then it's a stupid expectation, and I venture to take a step further and say shame on you for not preparing to enroll in further classes.

As a fellow artist, I can attest to the fact that the undraped human form is THE SINGLE MOST difficult subject matter to capture well, in any medium (drawing, painting, sculpture, computer animation, metal smithing, etc.). As you must already know, having taken one class already, that you grow by leaps and bounds as an artist when studying the human form. This is Level 1 rudimentary stuff here. If you were engaging in orgies on a stage while the Vienna Boys Choir performs in front of you, and trying to say it's necessary to your growth as an artist, then you can get into whether or not it's "appropriate." Not with figure drawing class. It is fundamentally important.

So if you're ready to toss out your art training for this guy, go ahead. It's your choice to make.

But you do have options
1. convince him to drop this silly expectation
2. dump him
3. agree and suffer the rest of your life
4. bargain with him and ask him to give up something he sees as important and fulfilling, too

Good thing to hear that you talked over this. Keep that communication open. The lack of it will destroy your relationships.

BTW, I would suggest option 2 for you.
Source: I quit my involvement with the local film making community for my wife. Worst decision of my life.


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

leelo said:


> Do you realize that agreeing to remain within this kind of boundary (No more nude art classes) is, in essence, saying "I will stifle my artistic education for you." Is this guy THAT important?
> 
> You said that you didn't have plans to take any other figure classes? Are you an artist by hobby, or is this your career?
> 
> ...


This is just a hobby. I'm typically an abstract so I don't really paint the human form and just currently finished a class in portraiture.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Good that you two are talking.... altho pretty much he said NO, you said ok... problem solved. 

How old are both of you? This all does sound immature. And you really aren't seeing the big picture. Especially because this worked.... he will come up with other things that you are "allowed or not allowed" to do... expecting you to say ok. 

Other posters are right, and it's not about being jaded... Naked males are off limits, but not naked females.... doesn't that just say how insecure or immature he is? And if that's the case, you could still go to a strip club, as long as only females are featured. Your boyfriend is threatened by art...which can only make me wonder what else threatens his masculinity. 

Good that you are talking, but the problem isn't actually solved, you just gave in.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

TRy said:


> Do not let the nay sayers get to you. Please keep in mind that this board does not represent a normal cross section of opinions. Many here have had bad experiences that do impact their views in a negative way. They see dire conflict everywhere. There opinions are important to hear as a reality check, but you do not have to act on them as truth if you do not agree.
> 
> You were open and talked it out. It was an important issue for him and not an important issue for you so you did the logical thing. Relationships are all about such give and take. In the future, there will be things that are important to you that will not be important to him that he will hopefully do the same for you if the relationship is healthy. Relationships are not about fighting over every issue important to you or not based on who is more right. They are all about working things out such that you can both live in peace and comfort with each other. What you need to watch for is if compromise is a two way street. Good luck. You did the right thing. Watch to see if he returns the favor in the future.


Well said! :smthumbup:


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