# does your spouse know



## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

That you have an account on talkaboutmarriage?
Mine doesn't..


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My stbxw doesn't, but my GF does. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Oh, at present, I would not let her know.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My H knows. I read him a lot of the threads on here when we're also playing video games (he plays, I give moral support). Sometimes we laugh and roll our eyes, and sometimes it leads us into a good discussion of our own.


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## StatusQuo (Jun 4, 2012)

Mine doesn't.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

No. This is my safe place...allows me to spew all of my BS without worrying about what my W might read.


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

Mine knows. She is afraid it will make me paranoid. 

-MWD


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## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

When I was still with her, I told her that I'm reading forums, but didn't say TAM in particular. She told me I should stop going on them cuz it's just gonna put negative thoughts in my head and it's gonna be hard for us to move on. Well if it wasn't for TAM I wouldnt have known what a keylogger is and I would probably be going through false R right now so good thing i didnt listen to her lol


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Mine does, but only because I'm an idiot. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/50217-initial-foray-28.html#post932178


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

yep.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

Nope
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

mestalla guy said:


> Nope
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you're married?


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> you're married?


No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

No , while I'm in this stage of our marriage, he doesn't need to know where I get my advice.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

Being able to talk about it makes me feel not so crazy.. with all my spous's lies and denial I was starting to think I've totally lost it_- which I know that's what he wants me to believe.
If I ever get the truth I might tell him, but I probably won't.
I figure if he can lie to me, I can hide this.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Roommate H knows. He calls it the "crack site". He's not a reader at all. There are no naked girls to look at, so he's not interested.
But if he did want to look.. go ahead. I got nothing to hide. He knows I vent on here.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Mine has no idea.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

he does


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

No. She knows I was on "some marriage site" early on after DDay - hated that I was getting advice from strangers, so I told her after a few weeks I wasn't doing that anymore. Teeheehee.


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## M2lngha1 (Jul 26, 2012)

sick. said:


> That you have an account on talkaboutmarriage?
> Mine doesn't..


From such a simple question it may seem like something innocent but in all actuality it's the little things that we hide from our spouses that tend to get the ball rolling into bigger things! Transparency is what your relationship is lacking. Although you have no problem acknowledging that you are having marital issues, admitting a problem is always the first step to recovery. But when you feel the need to reach out to others instead of your spouse for suggestions or advice then it's clear that the communication is a problem with you two. How can one know what's wrong if they aren't talking to the other person. How can one begin to fix something they may not see as broken in the first place? Let them know you have this account, this may spark conversation from them behind the question WHY? And that may set the stage for healthy and much needed dialogue.

Anthony Taylor
Relationship Advice 
Your Relationship Advice Blog


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

M2lngha1 said:


> From such a simple question it may seem like something innocent but in all actuality it's the little things that we hide from our spouses that tend to get the ball rolling into bigger things! Transparency is what your relationship is lacking. Although you have no problem acknowledging that you are having marital issues, admitting a problem is always the first step to recovery. But when you feel the need to reach out to others instead of your spouse for suggestions or advice then it's clear that the communication is a problem with you two. How can one know what's wrong if they aren't talking to the other person. How can one begin to fix something they may not see as broken in the first place? Let them know you have this account, this may spark conversation from them behind the question WHY? And that may set the stage for healthy and much needed dialogue.
> 
> Anthony Taylor
> Relationship Advice
> Your Relationship Advice Blog


Thanks, Anthony. Toddle along now.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> Thanks, Anthony. Toddle along now.


hahaha well said!

Yes Anthony, spot on! Indeed if spouses were open to positive conversation no one would be here.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Not married, but bf knows, he reads!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Yes he does. Not the name of it, but that I'm on a marriage forum. And, he is welcome to read anything he wants.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

My fWW knows I get and give support from an online infidelity forum... but no specifics.

She's never asked and I'm not offering it up.


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## Monroe (Jun 21, 2012)

My hubby knows I am on TAM but he doesn't know I spend 99% of my time at this board.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

My WW knows and hates it. Her response is "state fair". Meaning look at all the weirdos at the state fair ... That is what is represented here. She feels I should only take advice from our MC. Which is funny b/c for 2 years our MC missed her affair despite me saying so and it wasn't until I found this site and took the advice here that I ended the affair and have given our M a chance. A small chance but a chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

slater said:


> My WW knows and hates it. Her response is "state fair". Meaning look at all the weirdos at the state fair ... That is what is represented here. She feels I should only take advice from our MC. Which is funny b/c for 2 years our MC missed her affair despite me saying so and it wasn't until I found this site and took the advice here that I ended the affair and have given our M a chance. A small chance but a chance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your MC sounds as dangerous as mine. There ought to be a list.

Edit: I like that she mocks you and us. That's a good sign.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> so I told her after a few weeks I wasn't doing that anymore.




Irony quote.avi - YouTube


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Gabriel, I was just having fun. Apples and oranges stuff. Even the most serious things I can't take seriously.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Nope. It's hard enough to get her to see something that I've found on the internet, much less get her look at this site.


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

StatusQuo said:


> Mine doesn't.


ya dont say


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Mine knows,
But she is so carefree the it seems not to matter.
When I'm on in the morning she's working out.[ our country is in a different time zone. We are ahead of you all .]
When I'm on in he evening ,she's on her ipad using either skype or what's app, connecting or chatting with her friends worldwide.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No.


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## Looser (Jun 13, 2012)

No.

You know what, I feel kind of guilty about that. Here I am wanting her to be more open with me, yet here I am without her knowledge. 

Seems wrong.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Mine does.


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## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

NO! This is my safe place.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Looser said:


> No.
> 
> You know what, I feel kind of guilty about that. Here I am wanting her to be more open with me, yet here I am without her knowledge.
> 
> Seems wrong.


Right! How do you resolve that one? I am not clever enough to maintain more than one front, so it is easy for me.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Hell no.....no way.....you guys are cheaper than counseling and 100 times more honest. Not giving you up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Husband does know & is reaping the benefits. I have no idea of he has checked out the site, there is nothing I have posted he does not already know.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband knows, but probably doesn't remember the exact name of the forum and he is unhappy about me posting on any forum at all. He does not like me talking to perfect strangers about anything


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

My ex wouldn't share herself with me so there's no way I would've shared this site with her. This is for ME.


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## camihuml (Jul 23, 2012)

No, he sees me on "my forums" but doesn't notice which one. He is the opposite of nosy, if I told him he wouldn't even remember which one, lol


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> No. This is my safe place...allows me to spew all of my BS without worrying about what my W might read.




:iagree::iagree::iagree:
Mine does NOT.. 
I feel the same way as you!!


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Looser said:


> No.
> 
> You know what, I feel kind of guilty about that. Here I am wanting her to be more open with me, yet here I am without her knowledge.
> 
> Seems wrong.


HMMMM, guess you have a point..

But This is my SAFE place... Honestly it is...

And some of the things I have had to over come has been ACCOMPLISHED because of TAM..

Now my veiw is this, Me not telling him is benicial because of the progress I have made toward the recovery, not my marriage, BUT FOR MYSELF.... it is a postive thing, unlike the despetion he did.. At least my deception (if you can call it that) is done that has a benifical outcome.. POSITIVITY is a good thing :smthumbup:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I woudln't feel guilty about coming here unless you are here for shady reasons (IE: picking someone up, starting an EA, etc).

People need other people to sound things off from. This is almost like an interactive journal. You write what you're feeling and you get feedback. I can't see how it would be harmful to a relationship if you're using it the right way -- to help your marriage, which basically benefits your spouse. if you vent here, just try to keep it at a level that wouldn't hurt your spouse is he/she was to find it and read it. In time, you can maybe tell your spouse the things you say here...but until then, get the tools you need to better communicate and use it in your marriage.

Now, if you are divorcing or separated, then it's really none of your spouse's business, imo.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Hey baby how you doing?

No seriously,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I, personally, would rather my husband talk to a bunch of strangers to get LOTS of viewpoints...than talk to friends and family about our issues and get biased advice.....and then those people will see you and know all your crap. lol. But that's just me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I, personally, would rather my husband talk to a bunch of strangers to get LOTS of viewpoints...than talk to friends and family about our issues and get biased advice.....and then those people will see you and know all your crap. lol. But that's just me.


Exactly! Anonymous advice from people who know nothing about you or the relationship.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yes, mine knows and he is free to read anything I post if he chooses too. He also has an account on here.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

sick. said:


> That you have an account on talkaboutmarriage?
> Mine doesn't..


Yes. He knows. He knows my posting name. He can read whatever I write here. I don't mind. In fact, sometimes I bounce an answer off him before I post then days later, he asks me if anyone "liked" it.


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> Yes. He knows. He knows my posting name. He can read whatever I write here. I don't mind. In fact, sometimes I bounce an answer off him before I post then days later, he asks me if anyone "liked" it.


Tell him you guys got a LIKE


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Harken Banks said:


> Your MC sounds as dangerous as mine. There ought to be a list.
> 
> Edit: I like that she mocks you and us. That's a good sign.


HMMMM... what a thougt! Maybe there should be a list..

Just saying, there is a list for contractors and such. "ANGIES LIST"

A list for all the MC goofs doesn't sound bad at all.. 

What shall it be called?? Suggestions Anybody???


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

M2lngha1 said:


> From such a simple question it may seem like something innocent but in all actuality it's the little things that we hide from our spouses that tend to get the ball rolling into bigger things! Transparency is what your relationship is lacking. Although you have no problem acknowledging that you are having marital issues, admitting a problem is always the first step to recovery. But when you feel the need to reach out to others instead of your spouse for suggestions or advice then it's clear that the communication is a problem with you two. How can one know what's wrong if they aren't talking to the other person. How can one begin to fix something they may not see as broken in the first place? Let them know you have this account, this may spark conversation from them behind the question WHY? And that may set the stage for healthy and much needed dialogue.
> 
> Anthony Taylor
> Relationship Advice
> Your Relationship Advice Blog


I notice you have links to a pay-for-advice internetOmercial in your siggy. So the rule is advice paid for is good, free advice is bad. K. Got it.


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## Looser (Jun 13, 2012)

Just Tired Of It All said:


> Now my veiw is this, Me not telling him is benicial because of the progress I have made toward the recovery, not my marriage, BUT FOR MYSELF.... it is a postive thing, unlike the despetion he did.. At least my deception (if you can call it that) is done that has a benifical outcome.. POSITIVITY is a good thing :smthumbup:


I tell myself that nothing I have posted here is a secret. I have posted nothing that she does not already know, so that makes it OK. But still I kind of feel like I am cheating because I don't think I would want her to see what I have written.

I also keep a journal. I really don't think I could ever let her see that, and I feel kind of guilty about that as well because my primary goal is to tear down the walls between us, yet I maintain my own walls.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Since I'm engaged in a somewhat contentious divorce proceeding and have been separated from STBXW for some 14 months now, I'm taking it that she doesn't have a clue about my TAM activity. And I would greatly prefer that it stay that way.

But if she were to amble upon this site and start reading some of my posts, and while remaining in a somewhat autonomus state, it would probably only serve to remind herself about the courses of action that she so aptly took in helping to destroy the ends of our relationship.

At this juncture, she doesn't even have a clue that I know about both of her "boyfriends" that she had while I was living under the same roof with her, and I would prefer that this stays that way until the actual litigatory process starts!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I just don't see how it's deception.

When he and I were separated, I talked to my girlfriends...and I didn't rush and tell him so.

I talk to my friends now, and I don't feel guilty. He talks to people and doesn't give me a run down about what they talked about.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Harken Banks said:


> Gabriel, I was just having fun. Apples and oranges stuff. Even the most serious things I can't take seriously.


???


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I don't remember what that was about. Might have reminded me of the several times my wife assured me of nc. I think I thought your post was funny. And not accidentally.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

No, no need to.


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## GotMeWonderingNow (May 31, 2012)

I have told my wife that I am on a forum for the purpose of advice, but have not told her which one. As per some other posts I am here to read and view (and hopefully provide) non-biased advice to/from well meaning anonymous strangers and that is it.

I'm not sure why anyone would be on here to start an EA... this would be one of the most unlikely places for such a thing to start would it not? (Hopefully I am not just being naiive).


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

sick. said:


> That you have an account on talkaboutmarriage?
> Mine doesn't..


No.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

GotMeWonderingNow said:


> I have told my wife that I am on a forum for the purpose of advice, but have not told her which one. As per some other posts I am here to read and view (and hopefully provide) non-biased advice to/from well meaning anonymous strangers and that is it.
> 
> I'm not sure why anyone would be on here to start an EA... this would be one of the most unlikely places for such a thing to start would it not? (Hopefully I am not just being naiive).


You may be surprised. There is a lot of sharing and connection in this place. I have a few crushes, but mostly in the way that I dig Steve McQueen.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Due to the fact that I have caught my husband checking the history on my computer (he is worried I am going to have a revenge affair) he is aware of my account here.

I don't think he reads my posts though but who knows.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

She doesn't know. Actually I would like her to know, and a lot of the time I'm reading the site I am in the same room as her on my iphone or ipad. The problem is that I've posted some very personal things about our sex life. The advice I received here was helpful and I don't regret doing it. But if she knew that I was posting about her giving me bj's or me using a hitachi on her or tying her up....I can't imagine she'd be ok with that. Even if it is anonymous. 

She'll ask me 'what are you reading?' and I'll say 'Facebook.'

Part of me wants to dust this profile and start over with a fresh one. I think she could benefit from interacting here. But seeing some of the things I've wrote about her would just not be helpful at the moment.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

GotMeWonderingNow said:


> I'm not sure why anyone would be on here to start an EA... this would be one of the most unlikely places for such a thing to start would it not? (Hopefully I am not just being naiive).



A lot of people come here in a very vulnerable state. There ARE people who lurk, just waiting to find the right one to connect with. So, it really isn't as unlikely as you may think. It could be a BS who is here trying to get advice and the wrong person starts saying the "right things"... Or, a WS comes looking for advice on how to help his/her BS... again, wrong person says all the "right things"... and it all starts again. 

My first day here, I had some guy try to hook up with me right away. He sent me a PM and I alerted a mod right away. Some aren't so straightforward tho. Some will sit and watch and wait for the right moment. 

But, really, that happens in all sorts of places. Mods can only do so much. A marriage forum is full of vulnerable people. 

And, as Harken said... people bond over such things. It's not as inconceivable as you may think.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I told my wife I was on this site and I have spoken about it with our MC as well. She also knows my username.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And, as Harken said... people bond over such things. It's not as inconceivable as you may think.


Good post, but all I'm admitting to is a couple man-crushes. NB, my wife reads this stuff.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> Good post, but all I'm admitting to is a couple man-crushes. NB, my wife reads this stuff.


LOl I wasn't saying YOU had this going on. I understood what you meant about the man-crushes lol. Same applies with the things some of these ladies post.

But the rest... yea, anyway, it wouldn't surprise me, tbh.


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