# Asking wife about Ex



## maxmix (Jan 24, 2015)

OK Guys, my first post, so please be gentle. (and if it's in the wrong place, Admin feel free to move it)

Almost 20 years ago my wife had an affair (in fact she left me and moved in with the guy) we made up, she left him and we've been together ever since.

We never, ever discussed it. Put it behind us and moved on.

Basically, I know it's making her uncomfortable, but I cannot help myself. Recently, during sex, i've started asking her things - like did you do this, or that, she does answer, but reluctantlly. Some of the things I can believe, others not. I feel I want to ask her more, to clarify things

Should I?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Should be moved to CWI section.

You rug swept the affair and now it is biting you.

You never felt like this in 20 years previously?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maxmix (Jan 24, 2015)

I did feel like it before, and when ever I tried to say anything she just shut me down. Dunno why, recently said stuff and she answered, reluctantly, but did answer.

I think in a way I find it a bit of a turn on.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

maxmix said:


> I did feel like it before, and when ever I tried to say anything she just shut me down. Dunno why, recently said stuff and she answered, reluctantly, but did answer.
> 
> I think in a way I find it a bit of a turn on.


It may be a bit of a turn on for you but it sounds as if it's a turn off for her. It really is none of your business anyway. Would you want her asking you what your past lovers did with you when you're getting down to business?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

The affair was 20 years ago. If you haven't addressed it in 20 years....you really shouldn't be bringing it up now. Why on earth did you go back to someone who left you for someone else? 

I would tread carefully though, if you start bringing this affair up - she is going to start thinking about how it was back then...which may not be in your favor...I mean she did leave you the first time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

doobie said:


> It may be a bit of a turn on for you but it sounds as if it's a turn off for her. It really is none of your business anyway. Would you want her asking you what your past lovers did with you when you're getting down to business?


It was an affair partner not an ex. The title is misleading.

I'm out OP. Being turned on by your wife cheating jumps my boundaries into alien territory.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Yeah I agree with ConanHub- being turned on by talking about her affair while having sex is... well creepy at a minimum. 
You decided 20 years ago not to speak of this at all, allowed it to be rug-wept but it worked for you as this was 20 years ago as you say.
So if you have had a successful 20 years after the fact, wouldn't it be wise to leave the past where it is?
You can fantasize all you like, bringing it up now will likely not do you any favors like Staarz says- what if all this talking leads to someone wanting to bring a third party into the bedroom? No good can come out of discussing this now.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Why now after 20 years? The real issue may be that you are not turned on enough by sex with your wife. Be careful that you lose your wife's respect. You may appear weak if you get turned on to a man having sex with her. Plus she is uncomfortable. You may extinguish her sexual attraction. 

Make new good memories by making sex more passionate. Also, do whatever you need to get rid of this obsession.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

This cuckold fantasy of yours puts your wife in the "slvt wife" role, something most wives do not enjoy at all. More so in her case, since it brings the painful memories of her betrayal.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Presumably you forgave her if you stayed together 20 years after the affair. You bringing it back up now is going to make her feel like maybe you didn`t really forgive her and have been harbouring resentment all that time. It`s going to be beyond uncomfortable for her. While you`re getting turned on she`s probably feeling sick to her stomach. 

I think you need to let it go. If you like talking about sex with her discuss fantasies rather than specific past experiences which in this case was a huge mistake on her part.


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