# perplexed..



## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

afternoon

Ive got a bit of a weird situation on my hands and unsure what to do to be honest. Over the last few years our marriage has had a few ups and downs,its unavoidable i know! Ive had a few jobs and we have had to change our routines a few times. We have three kids but we have never been poor etc,just been awkward.

Couple of weeks ago i got made redundant..but without the pay as i hadnt served there long enough. i did get another on two days after and startted the week after!My wife was okay for a couple of days but then started to get stressed.which is fair enough. Flip to this week she wants a seperation, we argued thursday and i havent returned till yesterday afternoon. I basically went to get another job that would give me enough to pay for our children if i was sent packing,but a little underhanded so obviously she was pissed right off when a letter came through,it was just protecting our unit if i had to leave

My wife has suffered from some depression over the years even before she met me. Last year she was prescribed tablets which helped her immensely, made her more positive and generally just balanced which is good for anyone! I think maybe she needed more support from me before that moment but it was nice. Now according to her,the depression was always my fault from the start which is not true as she had it before me which she even said,but literally our existence is my doing

Few weeks ago she stopped taking the tablets which i wasnt aware of, she said during our arguement they made her feel ill and why should she take them just to be nice to her husband! She is under an illusion thats why i think they are good for her! I disagree its just for balance!

Now she simply wont listen,we have three children..instead of working through she has surrendered,although what shes proposing will literally destroy all our lives and make us all worse off emotionally and financially.

Shes not told anyone far as im aware either,theres no other man im 99.9% sure of that also.

What she has done is pack my stuff but just clothes nothing else,told the kids we have some problems which is fair enough. She had to work nights this weekend so asked me to come back to look after the children. But not today as she has someone else to do it which im not even allowed to know apparently. I could sleep in the bed and use the house as normal
Her demands are i have the kids every other weekend, she also wants no money.


Now i know my wife pretty well,its out of character,even an angry character that switched off emotions,it doesnt settle well.

Either her coming off these tablets has just stressed her out somehow, or the problems have made her crumble, but we are close to the time where i will have to find elsewhere to live if she does not return,once that happens,even if she has a realization of whats happening,im not sure we could reverse it easy,she wont listen she simply wont pay attention, and she has told noone,not even her parents which is weird because she would tell them probably first!


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

solvency7 said:


> Now she simply wont listen,we have three children..instead of working through she has surrendered,although what shes proposing will literally destroy all our lives and make us all worse off emotionally and financially.


Oh brother. I feel for you. She's intentionally placed you into a no-win situation.

She sounds like a depressed, controlling, pity-queen. Everything has to be laid out for her, just the way she wants it, or everyone is going to suffer. "Give me what I want, or you'll be sorry". Right now, she feels like she'll never get what she wants, so her solution is for everyone to go down suffering with her.

Sadly, what will help, she will likely refuse. Take the medication, and see a counselor. If she won't go, maybe you should go alone. This may take drastic action, and you'll need professional guidance.

Hopefully, you're correct about no other men involved. Be wary, though.


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## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

honestly she wont listen,id be dead if i mentioned the tablets,calling her parents would anger her probably as well...

im running out of options to deal with the situation being real, do i talk to her best friend,her parents..someone else,i mean if shes being honest and does want this fair enough,but ive got a niggling feeling,if this is what she would of wanted,all of my stuff would be packed,everyone would know and she would do anything to have even her parents look after the kids this weekend..

regardless of what she keeps saying i do know her very well..even when shes angry at me,even yesterday when i came back..i could see it in her eyes..well
Theres no other man grey area, i have kept an eye recently


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

solvency7 said:


> honestly she wont listen,id be dead if i mentioned the tablets,calling her parents would anger her probably as well...
> 
> ive got a niggling feeling,if this is what she would of wanted,all of my stuff would be packed,everyone would know and she would do anything to have even her parents look after the kids this weekend..


Hmm. She's created an environment where you are afraid to even speak your mind, or tell her things you believe are important. Something very psycho-controlling there.

She says she wants you to leave, but you still see an opening she has left you, a thread of hope for you to grasp. The catch is, you have to come to her. You have to do something else she wants. Do you ever feel she wants you to grovel? 

I think she has broken you down. She thought she wanted to be in control, and molded you, but now hates what she sees. Read up some on what women want in men. *They DESPISE weakness, and are drawn to confidence.*

She's demonstrated that you cannot believe or trust what she says. It may be time to act boldly, and take the situation back. Don't hand over everything to her.


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## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

so your saying dont leave stand my ground. Or just call the bluff your not wrong though all ive said is the emotional aspect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

grovel is an understatement. Few nights ago she stripped me down to the point where youd wander why i existed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

solvency7 said:


> so your saying dont leave stand my ground. Or just call the bluff your not wrong though all ive said is the emotional aspect
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Were it me, I would definitely not leave. Obviously, you know best in your situation, etc. I'm trying to stay in just "general" terms. In the end, you can best decide how to handle things. Don't want to overstep myself.

The fact is, though, that you are married. Married people do not pack up and leave when the going gets tough. The fact that she's proposing this signals (at least to me) that she is really the one who is weak. Inside, she knows it. She's campaigned to make you weak also, to feel better about herself. I may be overstepping in my analysis, its just my dumb internet opinion.

You shouldn't be afraid to say anything to her that you believe to be true, or important to your lives. I doubt she holds her tongue with you.

Be considerate, be thoughtful, but above all be decisive and confident.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

You sound like a very nice guy. I suffer with depression also but it mostly is expressed as major hopelessness and a sense of gloom with life in general. She must come to understand that depression really is a chemical imbalance in the brain not a life circumstance. Without expressing so, she might need you to be more assertive as the head of the house and force her to continue her meds. There can also be some underlying issues in the marriage that she hasn't expressed to you and in her frustration she wants to throw in the towel ( give up).
Don't get her friends or family involved, get outside help with a professional.


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## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

its weird though my eldest says shes been really happy last day or so. Her facebook indicates the same but she flips a switch on me immediateley...anger on stern face etc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

solvency7 said:


> grovel is an understatement. Few nights ago she stripped me down to the point where youd wander why i existed!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get over to Youtube, and watch every Charles Bronson movie you can!

Seriously.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Forest said:


> Get over to Youtube, and watch every Charles Bronson movie you can!
> 
> Seriously.


Oh, and you'd better like Jill Ireland, and not bad mouth any of her scenes. Charlie's ghost will reign tyranny on you.


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