# verbal agreements only



## dumbguy (Sep 29, 2010)

so my soon to be XW does not want to involve lawyers or a judge any more than necessary in the divorce process. While I agree that this is the most cost effective way of handling the divorce
I am beginning to think it may not actually be possible.
I have asked repeatedly to have our agreements written down in email or on paper so there is no misunderstandings, she does not like this and works against this .
she tells me I live in my own reality 
I have dealt with this woman for over 15 years and well I know that she would like to stay friends after the divorce she is going to have to play by one set of rules and not change them , or I will not be her friend, the other alternative is I get a judge to do it for us and she will not be my friend
any thoughts on how I get her to treat kids and me fairly


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Well, my estranged husband is an irresponsible liar. There's no way I will face life after divorce without a judge's orders. He wanted to go the same route as your wife. He wanted us to remain friends too. We would remain friends only if he got to keep walking all over me. I don't need friends like that. 

The type of agreement you are talking about may work for some people. I guess it depends on the people involved and the individual situations. I see a red flag already in your situation. She doesn't want to write anything down. Perhaps a mediated divorce is something to consider.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Protect yourself and her. Hire a professional mediator to go through the process with you. Not only will this help clarify the agreement but they should be able to bring some insight into the process you hadn't thought of.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Listen to AMP. No matter what you need thinigs in writing. And there are many, many items that I'd bet you hadn't thought of and will regret. A mediated settlement is the most cost effective if both parties are agreeable. Given her unwillingness to put anything in writing would be of great concern. In the end will cost more $$$$$ -- you can count on that.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

You need something in writing. My stbx and I were agreeable in every aspect of our separation, including everything regarding our son .. but I still have a signed separation agreement. If you think you to can be fair on your own then find a separation agreement form for your state and get it done together. Make sure to also have a witness sign for each of you... 
Even if you don't think its needed for the two of you, do it for the kids. It makes the rules regarding the children concrete ... you never know what could happen in the future and its not something you want to leave to chance.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You either need everything in writing or a neutral third party to keep it all on the up and up. When it's just between the two of you, there's no accountability. It's her word vs. yours, and that's hard to handle in a court. 

In writing, or with a neutral party to say they witnessed you both agree to X, you have something to take to court if she tries to go back on her word or change things.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Mediation is what I'm doing now.... its only fair that the statements you file are valid and signed so that there are no hiccups long the way or after.


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