# Help! My hubby doesn't want sex..



## Sweetie (Mar 12, 2013)

I m 22 and he is 31. We dated about 2 years before we got married. I stayed at his house with his parents over 1 year. We got our house after we married. Ever since we dated, we only had sex about once a month or sometimes not at all. He used to play game till very late. I always try to initiate sex and he asked me to go to sleep. But he watched porn and masturbate in the middle of the nights. I woke up a few time while he masturbating but I just pretend to sleep. I felt really hurt. When I asked him, why don't want to have sex, he said that he worry that I get pregnant. That time I am still schooling so I just endure.
Now we are married and got our own house that only two of us staying, and I've ald finished my school. But there is no improvement. I am really sad and disappointed. We really love each other. I cry whenever I m alone and think of that. I have nice figure and pretty face but I really don't know why I can't attract him. Is he addicted to online porn? He had no experience and I am the first one for him. All along, he watched porn and masturbate. He even said it's normal for a guy to watch porn. 
Should I tell him how I feel? or ask him why he doesn't want sex? I really don't know how to bring this topic. Please help.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You're only 22, married and have a house with hubby, who is 31? Good for you and you're way ahead of the game.

If I had a wife that was 9+ years younger, nice.....he should be extremely happy about that.

Sex only once a month while you were dating? Something's not right. My wifee and I waited until we were married before going all the way but did have a lot of BJ's before then......daily.

I knew it. He has a porn addiction. Not good.

And no, its not normal for guys to watch porn. If I get lovin' from my wife 3+ times each week, I don't even think about porn.

Sit down with him and have the chat. Tell him you are miserable and sexually starved and it really hurts you that he'd rather masturbate to porn than have crazy sex with you.

Sounds like he had a porn problem before you even met.

The reason porn is so addicting, is because you see men and women that are super hot, doing all sexual positions and techniques and are really great at doing so. These individuals are not the norm like us and they also get paid extremely well.

Here's an idea. Find out what porn he likes and watch it with him and do the fantasies he has with him. Slowly ween him off the porn. Wait for him in the shower wearing something sexy.

No sane guy would neglect his much younger, sexy wife for images on a computer screen.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sweetie said:


> I m 22 and he is 31. We dated about 2 years before we got married. I stayed at his house with his parents over 1 year. We got our house after we married. Ever since we dated, we only had sex about once a month or sometimes not at all. He used to play game till very late. I always try to initiate sex and he asked me to go to sleep. But he watched porn and masturbate in the middle of the nights. I woke up a few time while he masturbating but I just pretend to sleep. I felt really hurt. When I asked him, why don't want to have sex, he said that he worry that I get pregnant. That time I am still schooling so I just endure.
> Now we are married and got our own house that only two of us staying, and I've ald finished my school. But there is no improvement. I am really sad and disappointed. We really love each other. I cry whenever I m alone and think of that. I have nice figure and pretty face but I really don't know why I can't attract him. Is he addicted to online porn? *He had no experience and I am the first one for him. *All along, he watched porn and masturbate. He even said it's normal for a guy to watch porn.
> Should I tell him how I feel? or ask him why he doesn't want sex? I really don't know how to bring this topic. Please help.


Waking up in the middle of the night to use porn is not normal - especially if he had a ready and willing attractive wife available to have sex with and he refused in favor of porn.

How frequently does he use porn in a day? If he's using it for hours a day, and it gets in the way of his daily duties (having sex with his wife is one of those obligations) then he's an addict.


----------



## wildoneforhorses (Mar 11, 2013)

Sorry you are going thru this. I know how it feels. Me and my husband are struggling as well but he doesn't look at porn. I think you need to put your foot down. That's what I had to do, I had to finally tell my husband it was either give it up or get out. He didn't understand how hurt I felt and how unwanted it makes you feel until I sat down and just cried it out with him. 
I would tell him no more porn until you have sex with me!


----------



## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

I am baffled by all of this, it's hard to believe only sex once a month or so, if you were his first then he wouldnt be able to keep his hands off of you. Something is seriously wrong with him, he may have been abused or something, i would seek counseling for the both of you, if he won't go at least seek it for yourself. Im so sorry to hear you going through this, i can't imagine your inner struggles!!


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep sounds like a porn problem to me!

look up some info on line, read it,print it out, give him a copy and tell him to get help or your gone.

or stay with this man and sweep it under the carpet only to wake up 20yrs from now and wonder if you ruined your whole life with someone who would rather masterbate than make love to his sexy smoking hot younger wife!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is becoming more common then some realize with men who start using porn early in life and as their only sexual outlet for a long time. But there is a fix for it.

Generally it take 3-6 months of no porn and no mastrebation for a real life sex life to get on track.

Here is a video that might help you realize what's going on with him.


Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn.


----------



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

It's normal for a guy to watch porn. However, he might be addicted to it too much. If he'd rather watch porn then have sex with you, then there's an issue. It's possibly he's not attracted to you, doesn't have a good time when you two have sex, or doesn't want to do all the work of sex and is too lazy.


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i like how porn gets blamed for everything makes me laugh. i have watched porn since i was 13 now im 36. i watch porn with my wife, she got me the play boy channel on dtv. and we have sex every day.

let me guess if i didnt watch porn i would be having sex 73 times a day?


----------



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I agree to a certain extent. Porn introduces variety which could prevent a husband from cheating. However, if he chooses porn over his wife all the time to where sex is almost nonexistent, then it's overdoing it. Moderation is good.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

terrence4159 said:


> i like how porn gets blamed for everything makes me laugh. i have watched porn since i was 13 now im 36. i watch porn with my wife, she got me the play boy channel on dtv. and we have sex every day.
> 
> let me guess if i didnt watch porn i would be having sex 73 times a day?


Some people have no problems with porn.. others do.

Her husband choses porn over having sex with his wife. Ya think there might be a problem?


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Sweetie said:


> Ever since we dated, we only had sex about once a month or sometimes not at all. He used to play game till very late. I always try to initiate sex and he asked me to go to sleep.


How could all of you guys miss this important detail?

Hubby is a gamer. He plays games till late at night, which are probably online games like World of Warcraft (WoW)

http://www.ukonlinegames.com/2010/03/25/13-reasons-why-you-should-stop-playing-wow/

Well, when we moved to Arizona someone introduced me to WoW. This coincided with my wife having sex with me only 7 times a year. I plunged into the World of Warcraft head first because the virtual fantasy world that helped me to reduce my sex drive to nearly nothing. But even though WoW helped me stop thinking about sex, I still had the physical urge, so I would use porn late at night to quickly relieve the tension after hours of playing. I did not have porn addiction, I had WoW addiction!!!!! I could not stop playing. That game started to control me. My wife was supportive of my gaming addition because I would pick the game over sex.

My addition to WoW lasted two years. I played last game a day or two before deploying to Iraq for 15 months. Upon my return I threw the game away. I will never dare to turn it on again.

If he had porn addiction he would use porn at all hours of day. If he has gaming addition he will use porn late at night when he is done playing, mostly to turn his brain off thinking about the game, and so he has easier time falling asleep.

My name is Rakkasan and I am a recovering gaming addict. I have been clean for 6 years now.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Rakkasan said:


> How could all of you guys miss this important detail?
> 
> Hubby is a gamer. He plays games till late at night, which are probably online games like World of Warcraft (WoW)
> 
> ...


Nice catch. I keyed on the porn and completely missed the WoW reference in the OP. He still may be a porn addict, but to your point it's more likely that he is engrossed in the game and is relieving his itch at night when the wife is asleep.

For the record, there is no TV show, movie or video game that would EVER keep me away from having sex with my wife. It boggles my mind that people can actually choose the allure of a video game over the scent, touch, softness and intoxicating taste of a woman. Damn, I made myself hard...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rakkasan said:


> How could all of you guys miss this important detail?
> 
> Hubby is a gamer. He plays games till late at night, which are probably online games like World of Warcraft (WoW)
> 
> ...


You bring up an interesting point. The one difference in the OP's case is that his wife wants sex. He could just get off the game for a bit, have sex then go back to playing the game late.

My ex did the same thing in that he is addicted to games. He's never played WOW. There are other game he plays. He uses porn but minimally. His thing is sex chat rooms... just another kind of porn.

When he was in a room all day where he could close the door he would go to the chat room for sexual stuff any time night or day.

But when we moved to a house where our desks/computers are in the same room his habits changed. he only went to the live sex sites when I was at work or late at night after I went to bed.

Thus his used changed not because he just wanted to quiet his brain at bed time... it was the only time he tought I would not see him.

I think that the bottom line in the OP's case is that her marriage is suffering from the game/porn mixture. Between the two of them, her husband really does not see much of a need for her... except maybe to clean his house. Both the gaming and the porn are problems. They both have to go.


When he was in a room where he could close the door he


----------



## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Nice catch. I keyed on the porn and completely missed the WoW reference in the OP. He still may be a porn addict, but to your point it's more likely that he is engrossed in the game and is relieving his itch at night when the wife is asleep.
> 
> For the record, there is no TV show, movie or video game that would EVER keep me away from having sex with my wife. It boggles my mind that people can actually choose the allure of a video game over the scent, touch, softness and intoxicating taste of a woman. Damn, I made myself hard...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Sweetie (Mar 12, 2013)

Now he play game much lesser than last time. Not even once a week. But never show interest in sex. I think he watch porn whenever I m not around. May be he prefer to use hand or he feel tired to have sex. Normally we take at least 1 hr for intercourse. Does it too long so that he feel tired? I think I m quite good in bed & always try my best to make him good, give him bj all that. Is there any guy feel that once a month sex is enough? I m really lost.


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Sweetie said:


> May be he prefer to use hand or he feel tired to have sex. Normally we take at least 1 hr for intercourse. Does it too long so that he feel tired? I think I m quite good in bed & always try my best to make him good, give him bj all that. Is there any guy feel that once a month sex is enough? I m really lost.


We take an hour to make love. There were times when I was just too tired, and preferred to do it myself, you see I am an early riser and my wife would always get horny around midnight.

When we started having sex once a month I didn't think that was enough. Now I would give anything to have sex at least once a month.


----------



## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You bring up an interesting point. The one difference in the OP's case is that his wife wants sex. *He could just get off the game for a bit, have sex then go back to playing the game late.*
> 
> My ex did the same thing in that he is addicted to games. He's never played WOW. There are other game he plays. He uses porn but minimally. His thing is sex chat rooms... just another kind of porn.
> 
> ...


I think the game has changed and become a bit more forgiving since my day but this really doesn't work. You cant go offline for an hour or so while the other 9, 19 or 39 people in your raid group wait for you. Depending on the group of people you play with and what schedule you're on there can be a lot of pressure to keep playing or get kicked out. Messing people about does not go down well for obvious reasons.

Anyway get a social invite to his guild, go on the guild forums and you will find the thread where all the raid schedules are put together. Get to the thread before he does (on his account if social players cant access that part of the forum), say who you are and why he can't play that night (something about steak and BJs should work). As long as you pick the days strategically (ie days he can be replaced and not always taking him out of the same raid) you should easily be able to 'book' him for one or two nights a week. He might be angry at first but he wont be able to go online for a significant part of the evening. The social pressure in a guild can be really strong but it can be made to work for you.  

I do recommend getting to know his guild mates too. Most guilds are pretty friendly and you will get much more sympathetic responses to 'stealing' your husband if they know and like you. You should easily gain allies and inside information about which nights are best to lure him offline.


----------

