# Why stay with a man I don't even like, much less love?



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I don't know how I'm still married after SO many years of unhappiness. What keeps me here? Yes, I have 2 children, both of which have severe issues from his tirades and the horrible dynamics of the marriage.

I guess the thing that makes it hardest to get out of this rut is his habitual compulsive spending, ie...selfish spoiled brattedness.

We make about the same income, but I provide health insurance for all of us ($940. deducted from check per month). He does the bills, takes all my money, but OH that isn't enough...he has every credit card charged to the max. But if THAT isn't enough, I suspect he's now taking money out of my purse which was a Christmas gift from my parents (which I've now put the remainder of into my locked desk at work).

His complete disregard and lack of respect for me will never change. To me, that, coupled with the constant put downs and bullying, and lack of sex (on his part because his desire is in material things) equals...NO LOVE. We don't even like each other. I don't like him because he always puts HIMSELF first, I wouldn't even think it possible for anyone to be as selfish as he is. I have 3 outfits, haven't had my hair done in 2 years, there is a mound of debt, and he just keeps on spending. I was taught growing up that if you have debt, you don't have money to spend. He was taught that the boy with the most toys wins. I took a loan out of my 401K for $10,000. only 6 years ago to pay off one credit card that he had splurged with. While I've paid that loan off, he's been charging triple that amount and now has the nerve to ask me to take another 401K loan. If I do, it will be to divorce his ass. I'm tired of no love, no sex, this is ONLY about him taking my money and me having nothing.

3 years ago, I began a long distance emotional affair online & phone, we never met. We said goodbye on New Year's Eve, and I'm thinking...why am I staying with someone I don't even like instead of being with someone I truly love?

The other day, he was on one of his tirades, cussing and shouting insults at the kids and myself, and I said "why don't you leave then?" and he said "Believe me, I wish I could", and I responded "well, you made THAT impossible".

What am I waiting for? Isn't it worth it to lose everything to be happy and respected?

Sorry, I'm SOOO floored that he is stealing from me for his latest purchases, and had to vent.


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Additionally, he knows about the EA, and promised to change...blah, blah, blah, but what I hear is "I don't want to lose your money."


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## Marcy222 (Mar 6, 2012)

Divorce makes you poor, your already broke from his spending. My goodness, why stay? you'll be so much happier, have peace of mine, your better off without him.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Heart sorry you are here I agree with Marcy why stay if your unhappy?? Nothing changes Nothing changes I would start working on myself and do things that make you happy set some boundaries and if he is unable to meet them then take it to the next step. 
Life is to short to put up with unacceptable behaviors 

Good Luck


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

Why would you even want to have sex with this person? My husband is similar to yours except that he doesn't work and his spending does not rise to the level that your husband's does. The idea of being intimate with him makes me sick. Sounds like you are going to have to file for bankruptcy, which isn't the end of the world. I wouldn't live life with 3 outfits and never getting anything I want - sorry. And if he stole from me (out of my purse, especially), that would be a big tip-off that he doesn't care.


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