# Divorce seems like it's in my near future...



## David Carns (Jul 9, 2018)

I've been on the verge to call it quits in my marriage, numerous times now.

I've been married 2.5 years. We have a 1 year old together. This year has been the WORST year of my life. In April, I found out that my wife has been emotionally cheating on me with another guy she met online. Nothing physical. All talking and texting (which lasted FOURTEEN MONTHS) I found out about it after looking at her phone one day. She used to tell me she would text her friend "Courtney" that she met in college, come to find out... "Courtney" was actually a guy named "Teddy" and they met while playing games online in a chat and exchanged numbers to talk and text, 8 months after we got married. They would talk about sex, our marital problems, and she would confide to him about problems in our marriage. One text message I read was "that I was the biggest regret in her life."
After finding out about it and confiding her, she told me that he was just a friend and only saw it as someone she could talk to and vent to about and didn't think it was as wrong as it was. I was heartbroken and it almost ended us. She gave me full access to her phone, ipad, computer, etc-- to help gain the broken trust.
Skip ahead 2 months later. One afternoon I was home from work and I thought I would look through her emails. I couldn't believe it, when I found out that she was gay, SIX YEARS with her high school girlfriend. They were practically engaged at one time. She never told me this-- until I confronted her. I was sick to my stomach. I was so upset she would hide the fact that she was in a gay relationship for so long. I wouldn't call myself a homophobic, but I am also not a gay rights supporter by no means. I have many friends and colleagues that are very much homophobic. The fact that she LIED to me that she was in a gay relationship before me, is what upsets me more than anything.

To top it off... I feel like (know) that she respects her F'n mother more than she respect me. She puts her mothers as #1. Her mother hates me. It's obvious whenever we are around and I don't know why. I treated her daughter like a F'n princess until my life came crumbling down. My wife knows I can't stand her mother, nor I can't stand how she puts her first in our relationship.

I really think it is going to ruin us. I can't take it much longer. I am at my witts end........Please help.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

why do you think she married you if she is gay?

do you think she is truly bisexual or only gay? it does make a difference for your decision making.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Marriages are based on trust and commitment. Sounds like she has neither, so just call it quits before you waste any more of your life with her. File for D and get as much custody of your child as you can. Mistakes happen to everyone, but just because she was one doesn't mean you are stuck with her. Why have you stayed this long after finding out about her lies?


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## David Carns (Jul 9, 2018)

Second chance. I love her more in the relationship.
Having a child in the equation really makes me struggle.
I lost my father at one he died in a accident, so I grew up without a Dad. The mere thought of my child only growing up with a dad half of the time, scares the F out of me.
My wife also has her Dr's degree. She financially supports our family, making about 4x what I do.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

That's great that she's a Dr.! She can pay you child support and alimony while you restart your life and look for someone better. The fear about your kid is rational and a lot of us have been there, but it really is unfounded. Kids do far better in two happy households than one unhappy household. Plus, do you really want to model an unhealthy relationship dynamic for your kid? That will really screw the kid up as an adult.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

David Carns said:


> I've been on the verge to call it quits in my marriage, numerous times now.
> 
> I've been married 2.5 years. We have a 1 year old together. This year has been the WORST year of my life. In April, I found out that my wife has been emotionally cheating on me with another guy she met online. Nothing physical. All talking and texting (which lasted FOURTEEN MONTHS) I found out about it after looking at her phone one day. She used to tell me she would text her friend "Courtney" that she met in college, come to find out... "Courtney" was actually a guy named "Teddy" and they met while playing games online in a chat and exchanged numbers to talk and text, 8 months after we got married. They would talk about sex, our marital problems, and she would confide to him about problems in our marriage. One text message I read was "that I was the biggest regret in her life."
> After finding out about it and confiding her, she told me that he was just a friend and only saw it as someone she could talk to and vent to about and didn't think it was as wrong as it was. I was heartbroken and it almost ended us. She gave me full access to her phone, ipad, computer, etc-- to help gain the broken trust.
> ...


Dude, you really don't need to think about this at all. Just file for divorce and be done. 

14 Month emotional affair, you hope, and god knows what you have not found out about. 

You know if she was gay or bi, well OK... but to lie about it, that is a huge red flag. 

You don't think she has been physical with anyone else, but you really don't know. 

Brother, get out of this now, you will be so much happier. 

It is kind of weird that she marred you at all. I get she needed nice guy to save her from whatever.

Just get out...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Your child isn't growing up with a dad half the time unless YOU make it that way. She may not be in your presence as much, but you are every bit as much her dad whether you stay married or get divorced. You could get primary custody thanks to your WW schedule, AND child support.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

DNA test for the kid.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

While none of these problems on their own in an other wise solid relationship would be unsurmountable, the combination and other factors don't give me much hope for you. First she is bisexual, your are against bisexuality. Then you have the fact she has given you reason to not trust her with the gaming nerd chat pal. Well even if you got over some stuff your lack of trust your be double trouble because the idea of her hooking up with females is also going to be a problem. Then you have the nasty MIL if she really hates you she is going to be an obstacle to you getting through the other issues making it near impossible. 

No bueno hombre.

Trust and communication are two of the most important prerequisites to a good marriage, you have big problems with both. If I were you I'd be out and fighting for custody and looking for a good settlement. I respect your primary concern being the well being of your child and If I thought there was a chance you could stick it out and fake it for the kid I would say go for it, but I doubt that will be possible.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

DNA the kid.

Re-evaluate once you have the results in hand.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Little has changed since your thread in early July--there were 59 posts. I didn't read them all, but think @sokillme gave excellent advice especially since you are still unable to reconcile your beliefs with your knowledge of her: * I think your biggest problem with your wife is she is a liar and a cheater. Honesty doesn't seem to be her MO. That's quite a lot. If it was a guy she hid from you would it make it any better? Though I get the fear that she is really a lesbian and using you to have a child, but I think you have bigger issues then just that. Only she can fix herself but it's going to take a lot of work and she has to want to put in the effort.
Sorry you have to decide if you can deal with the uncertainty of someone who repeatedly lies to you.*


She lies when she knows truth is not her friend. She did not want to be known as a lesbian and she wanted children, so she left her 6 year relationship with female lover. Her mom hates you. She gave you HPV. She began an online relationship while still pregnant with your child. What do you love about her (besides she is good mom) that makes you want to stay in a marriage when she does not? Don't let your growing up without a father obfuscate the barriers overwhelming this mess. 

Do you want to spend your life analyzing this conundrum and stuck in the resultant mire?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@sunsetmist say: "What do you love about her (besides she is good mom) that makes you want to stay in a marriage when she does not?"

Probably the fact that she makes about 4 times what he makes.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Unfortunately, we see a lot of husbands here cheated on that make a lot less Money than their wives. Stay at home dads too. It seems to be a matter of lost respect for the man who is not the typical breadwinner.


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