# Any women here go nightclubbing w/o husband?



## cody5

This is kind of a sub-entry to a problem I posted in the general section. The other members there were very helpful in letting me see that it was OK to be NOT OK with my wife’s frequent and secretive post-partum nightclubbing adventures. Through this board, I was able to discuss it with her and get her to stop (I think. It was a fight where she accused me of being jealous and controlling. She seems to have stopped, but that’s another story). Because she claims that her behavior was totally innocent, and I have no hard proof otherwise, I’ll never get closure through her. Therefore, I’d like to get some unbiased women’s opinions on the appropriateness of a married mother of two going out with her hot married friend until early morning.


-	How often do you go out clubbing with female friends, no husband?


-	On a scale of 1-10, what is the attraction?
1 – We like to dance. Our body language puts an imaginary invisible wall around us that no man would DARE cross. If they do, they are politely shot down.
.
.
5
.
.
10 – HELLO! They call it a “meet market” for a reason. We go out to party with the boys.


-	On a scale of 1-10, how much information on these nights do you share with your husband?
1 –Unfortunately, the only good places to dance have certain reputations. Therefore I communicate with my husband beforehand on where I am going. We set ground rules, and I tell him all about it upon my return.
.
.
5
.
.
10 – Are you nuts? If I start talking about it too much he’ll wise up and forbid me to go. Therefore I say as little as possible, and lie if he forces a conversation.


-	Lastly, if anyone answers “a lot” to the first question, and fall 5 or higher on those next two scales, would you consider it cheating, regardless of whether or not it led to physical infidelity?

Thanks for your opinions. This is driving me crazy.


----------



## Gettingnowhere

Man you are taking this way to serious friend... listen, if you have a woman by your side that can even enjoy that kinda stuff anymore let her ...if you are that obsessed with her hire a private eye or babysitter so you can follow them... otherwise, you should make some guy friends if or hang with her friends husband and do the same... if he is not down with it... then do you ever wonder why he is not bothered with his wives actions on this issue talk to him he may have your answer? Otherwise use that time you spend on wondering about her to spend more time with the kids.... after all is said and done they will remember you more than their overzealous fun having mother... the kids are more important just remember that.


----------



## Blaze

I've never gone out night clubbing or to the bars since getting married. There's no way. He doesn't either. If I get together with girlfriends, it's in one of our homes for a "Girls Night Out" and we don't get drunk (I don't drink anyway) but we do play board games and eat lots of stuff we shouldn't. And we sometimes get into racy conversations that end up in hilarious laughter. Same for him - he goes to a friends home. But going to clubs.. nah.. that's for kids, imo.

Blaze


----------



## Mommybean

I dont have any desire to go out clubbing w/o my husband. When I went to the clubs, back when I was single...the purpose was to MEET GUYS...no need for that now. We have both gone with our friends to check out a band here or there, but seriously, "clubbing" is for the single, booty call crowd.


----------



## mae

Personally I would love to go out dancing but my husband hates dancing. I haven't had the opportunity to go due to being a pretty new mom but when my daughter is older I will definitely go out once in a while, maybe once every 3 months or so. I would love to go with my husband but as I said he doesn't like to dance. I would probably go with several friends that he knows and trusts. I hate the "meat market" aspect so wouldn't dance with strangers.

I would tell my husband about it, though there probably wouldn't be much to tell.

He does go out once in a while to bars with the boys, maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I trust him. 

We do usually go out together though. We've seen two concerts and a burlesque show together in the last 3 months  I wish he would take me dancing but that's not gonna happen so I will end up going with other friends later on when I'm not too engrossed in being a mom.


----------



## cody5

Thanks everyone. I've never had reason to not trust my wife. I have known her for 13 yeas and have never had reason to be jealous. Like Mae, my wife just had 2 babies, and she loves to dance but I don't. That'swhy I couldn't begrudge her her going out. She can't help it that the only place you can dance is in pick-up joints. Not her fault. 

However, she's not with a group of friends I trust, she just goes with one that I don't (this friend was hitting on guys on her HONEYMOON). I think she went out at first to "dance", but was quickly enraptured by the meat market aspect: The partying. The flirting. The god-knows-what. It just got more frequent, she became more secretive, and a little deceitful (lies by omission, minimum). Pretending she had NO IDEA that bar hopping at these kinds of places until 3:00 in the morning could POSSIBLY bother me.


----------



## brighterlight

As I said before on your other post. She is going out and getting/seeking attention from other men; sorry, but I just don't see it any other way. She is going out way too often and without you. I am sorry but no way can anyone dance that much and not get a little bored with it. Remember, guys are the the night clubs for one purpose only - the hook up! So some guy will hit on her, what happens after that is up to her and I don't see a woman who just had children and is wanting attention turning them down. I wish there was something I could suggest to you to get her to quit going without you but I don't have any ideas.


----------



## michzz

Oh come on! she goes out for "the dance" as an artform.

See, all those dance classes during the day available at community rec centers or community colleges are just not up to the level of the dance experience she finds at these places late at night.

You are just far too insecure about this. A wife coming home after drunken revelry with strange men til all hours of the night?

That is so not the situation.

It's about the dance!

I mean, what else could it be? What wife would stay out til 3 a.m. night after night when her husband and children are home awaiting her.

It would have to be something compelling like dedication to her art--the dance!

It couldn't be that she is fooling around AT ALL.

No need to confront her about her behavior or get your ducks in a row for a life without her. Or to consult with a divorce attorney. 

Right?


----------



## cody5

Sorry everyone. I’ve been commanding too much space and time on this forum for my one little issue. I need to close this. 

The partying has stopped. It’s been over 7 weekends since the first (failed attempt at) communication. She hasn’t gone 7 weeks since this all started. I never told her not to go, but my feelings/concerns are now out in the open. She can’t pretend she doesn’t know any more. I think a certain amount of shame is involved as well. She’s actually a good person. And even if I don’t have the impending talk with her before the itch has her heading out the door again, I can still stop her. There’s got to be some serious talking before she goes again, and she won’t be willing to do that. 

I can only speculate as to what transpired in the 6 hours that my wife was out of my presence on each of these nights. I have no direct proof and communication was almost nonexistent. Lacking that knowledge, it is best to go with a most likely scenario. Knowing my wife, I feel 100% confident that there were no physical relationships. At worst, slow dances and minor kissing on the dance floor. That is even highly unlikely. It is unlikely she ever left one of these places with anyone, even if it were just to go to another bar. 

But emotional relationships don’t need physical contact to hurt. If I found out my wife were sneaking out of bed at 1:00 in the morning to go into internet chat rooms to flirt with strange men, that would be an emotional relationship. If she used the time she had alone while I had the kids at the park to do this, it would also be cheating. Nobody would deny it. I would say my problem has all of that PLUS the physical proximity. The chance for it to go further immediately and with zero chance of detection, as opposed to a difficult and unlikely planned physical rendezvous set up on the internet. 

If this were 15 years ago, I’d be suffering this alone. No internet help from people like you, and the term “emotional relationship” was in it’s infancy. This site and the people on it have helped me come to terms with what I have been going through, and helped me develop a plan to start healing the hurt. I need to talk with her. I need to. After 7 months of this and 2 months or so on this board getting advice, I’ve got the outline for the talk. I won’t bore you with the (hopefully not messy) results. But I need to and WILL do it. 

Cody


----------



## psychocandy

I think the culture is slightly different in the US and the UK. It seems that a lot of clubs in the US are just pick up joints.

Here in the UK, most pubs/clubs are pick up joints but you just need to ignore that. My wife likes dancing, I dont, so she occasionally goes out with her friends. She always honest, tells me what shes doing - no problem....


----------



## cody5

That's my problem. My wife was sneaky and secretive about it. Claims she wouldn't discuss it with me because I'd "act weird" about it. What she doesn't realize is that I'd "act weird" because another way of saying she was "going dancing" is that she was going to be partying at meat markets with strange men until 2 in the morning. And not even tell me where she went. She also knew her behavior was innapropriate. There is NO WAY her and her **** friend just danced in isolation. NO WAY.

I honestly don't think she ever had physical affairs while she was out. I doubt she ever even kissed anyone. But the idea that she was rushing to get away from me and her family to flirt with, dance with, drink with, and just all-around party with strange men makes me ill. Plus, putting yourself in that situation so often exponentially increases the chance of "something happening", even if there was no intent. It's been over two months since she stopped and it still makes me want to vomit.


----------



## FLgirl

Have you talked with her about going with? You might find that it is a turn on 4 you, even if you don't dance with her, you could watch. That could allow your wife to dance and have fun with her friends and with you too. I love to dance my husband will dance... but usually he ops to sit down and watch me and my girlfriends on the dance floor. My girlfriends husbands usually get a kick out of seeling us dance together. They love to see us turn down guys and point over at our men. I'm told that thier husbands get off on this... mine doesn't - but that is another story.

To answer your earlier question yes I have gone without him. But not that often ... maybe every 2 - 3 months. My girlfriends and I are truely focused on just having fun together. We turn down guys - so if your wife is cute ... then I'm sure she gets hit on, and drinks sent her way. But that doesn't mean she dances with anyone or even talks to them. I know my girlfriends and I have no interest in that. In fact we have even opted to go to gay bars -even though I am in NO way interested in women - we can dance without having to worry about guys comming up to us (they are too interested in other men, and the women there just think we are into each other) Besides gay bars play the best music 

I used to tell my husband all the gory details, until recently he would laugh along with me. Once he became angry and accusatory about it... I stopped telling him about my evenings. But truthfully, once I realized he was feeling threatened I stopped going all together. He didn't need to tell me to stop, it was obvious he didn't like it. Now I will only go if he comes with.


----------



## preso

Nightclubbing?
no freaking way !

but we do go out to eat weekly, where we have a drink or two, literally a drink or two, neither of us are drinkers.
The nightclubs around us are meat markets with overpriced drinks and cops hanging out outside waiting for people to leave to ticket them for DUI's.
The city gets a good revenue from cops partolling the nightclubs, lots of tickets= lots of fines paid to the city.

We are not wanting any part of any of that. Won't be us paying in extra


----------



## preso

cody5 said:


> Plus, putting yourself in that situation so often exponentially increases the chance of "something happening", even if there was no intent. It's been over two months since she stopped and it still makes me want to vomit.


Yeah I would feel the same way. Add alcohol and bad or impaired judgement and you have things happen that you did not expect.


----------



## dbj1971

Cody5,

I have gotten a lot out of this site, but you have to be careful, because there is some advice, mixed among all the good, that is, shall we say, less than wise.

First of all, you are NOT wrong to feel upset about your wife going out late at night, leaving you alone. This is not a mature thing to do, and I'm sure you did not get married so you can be alone at night.

In reading this whole thread, there is a lot I could say, but I will try to be somewhat brief. If your wife truly loves you and respects you, then if her action bothers you so much she should be willing to change it for you. There are those that would disagree with me, but it is also true that many people want the security of marriage but still want to live their lives as though they are single and have no other person to give an account to (like a spouse or children). 

I have respect for women's intelligence and their well-known intuition. So how is it that a woman cannot be aware that men don't think like they do? There are certain places that a woman can go that casts her in a certain light (ex, "easy," "available," etc.) in the eyes of men, whether right or wrong. Bars and night clubs are two of those places.

I would also have to wonder why a woman who really does not dance with strange men, or flirt, or is looking for a hookup, wants to go to a place like that? After all, if you're really not looking for that, then what's in it for a person to even go there? Surely she and the girlfriends can find a place to socialize that is less vulnerable or compromising. Maybe at the very least she's looking for an ego-stroking. I'm not saying she has committed a specific act, but she had placed herself in a bad situation and should have known better.

I think people either don't understand all that marriage means, or they do but don't really care. When you get married, you belong to each other. That doesn't mean you OWN each other or any such non-sense, but that it does mean that you pledge certain things to each other, like loyalty and taking the other person's feelings and views into account when making certain decisions, not just dashing off with a carefree, like-it-or-leave-it attitude. People need to remember that their actions affect their spouse and children, that they have certain responsibilities. It goes with the territory of being married. If someone doesn't like that, then they should stay single if they are already. 

I would be upset at the thought of my wife being in a place where she may (however unjustifiably) be seen as an easy target by men-players. When strangers dance, the woman may notice the guy's shirt or how well he moves his feet, while the man may be undressing the woman with his eyes and wondering how she'd be in bed. This is not always true, but if you want to know the truth, that is pretty much the general case, especially in places like that where it is basically the hunters and the prey. Someone may get on here, who goes to places like that and is part of the 5% exception to the rule, but that doesn't change the general way things are. I don't like the way things are - it's messed up - I'm just calling it straight.

Also, I'm guessing you already knew her actions were not right - you just needed to know you weren't all alone in your thinking. You probably were told by others around you that you shouldn't make such a big deal of it, that her actions were okay, that you are being too controlling, obsessed, too jealous, too this, too that, blah blah blah. Well, you are being a normal, concerned husband. Somehow, we've gotten to the point that if we really love someone enough to be concerned about them and to want them to steer clear of trouble, then we're "controlling." Well, by that logic, I guess I should let my kids play in the street because I love them too much to be "controlling," or I should play Russian Roulette because I don't want to control myself too much by refusing due to the danger.

Bumber-sticker philosophy just doesn't hold water. People say things like, "if you love her enough, let her be free," etc. I say, if you love someone, and they are doing things that could harm themselves or you or your family, then you are acting like a FOOL to not take action or express concern.

I despise the Archie-bunker, women-are-possessions mentality of men of years past and even many today, but we've swung in the opposite direction, where men do not stand up enough for the right and put their foot down and not take garbage just because they're afraid of being labeled as controlling or some other baloney. 

I haven't even mentioned her reputation. Does she care about that? 

Peace.


----------



## letitgo

I go out with the girls once in awhile, we went to the bar last week...us 3 just sat at the bar and had some beers, no big deal there. Its not a big deal either when we go to the other bar in town. Ok we have 2 bars here so maybe thats why its not a big deal now that I think of it-every one knows every one and their business. But even when were dancing, its all in good fun. There can be 2 to 10 of us girls dancing all alone. If a guy does come dance its usually just silly dancing. but Im sure its different in the city


----------



## Mogget

In my experience women who want to have fun dancing without being picked up go to gay bars. LOADS of straight chicks dancing at gay clubs in my hometown. They get have fun, drink, dance with cute boys who have NO interest in them. It gets really flirty without ever having intentions of follow through.


----------



## sisters359

She avoided conflict by not telling you, and that's a problem that both of you need to work on. 

As for the clubbing--lots of married women love to dance and their husbands don't. So they go dance with a friend or group of friends. I went clubbing with friends for years while dating, etc., not looking to hook up. I could not have cared less what "other people thought." 

If you worry that she is seeking male attention, deal with that--simply stopping her from clubbing won't solve the real issue if she's not happy with your attention. You are focusing on the symptom, not the real problem, and in the long run, that is pretty unhealthy. And what if she really is not seeking male attention, dirty dancing with strangers, etc.? You will seem immature and jealous and unwilling to compromise. I can tell you that if any man had objected to my love of dancing, I wouldn't have been with him. And classes are ok, but they only last one hour usually and do not encourage creativity or free expression--which is what club dancing allows. Heck, I used to turn on the music and just dance at home, but nothing beats live music. 

Just because a woman is a wife and mother does not mean her passion for other things will disappear. I cannot tell you that your wife was totally innocent, because I don't know her. I can tell you that many married women do go dancing and it's totally innocent. Others may be seeking male attention. There is no one right answer. You and your wife need to deal with your lack of trust, her need for other attention (if that is part of it), and her unwillingness to risk conflict. Maybe this issue will resolve itself then.


----------



## Ditajr

I don't go without my husband and he doesn't go without me. That kind of stuff is for picking up people when you are single.


----------



## psychocandy

Dont agree. Are you saying a wife or husband is not allowed to have friends and go out with them? Thats just weird.


----------



## Ditajr

Sure they can, but they can go somewhere where alcohol and bad things in general are all there are to do there. My husband recently went to a Raw Wrestling match with his friend. I go shopping with my friend or to lunch and sometimes concerts. Yeah the wrestling thing and the concert, alcohol was available, but we promise each other we won't drink at those events because it doesn't ever lead to anything good. If we want to drink, we go to a bar together or do it at home.


----------



## cody5

Why did you all bring this thread back up again. I was starting to get past it.

Of course spouses can go out with friends. But nightclubs, if not handled VERY carefully and with a LOT of ground rules, have no place in commited relationships. And girls especially, if you are sure your man is not gay and he likes to go clubbing, you are essentially giving him a lisence to cheat if you let him go and are not VERY careful about who he's with and where he goes. Guys go to nightclubs to score. Period. I don't care if they're in a commited relationship or not.

Girls actually like to dance. But guys, if your woman is not with a group of friends that you trust (no partners in crime), if she's pretty vague and secretive before she leaves and afer she gets back, if you don't discuss it before and after and set FIRM ground rules, the intent is bad and the result could be worse.

And that desn't include heavy drinking in these places with potential for rape, drunk driving, "oh, but I was just so drunk" kind of mistakes, etc. 

Clubbing is evil if not handled correctly. I spit on the very idea of it. I'm lucky it didn't ruin my marriage. And its ALL LEGITIMATE judging by the opinions of some of you on the subject. Dangerous opinions indeed.


----------



## Ditajr

cody5 said:


> Why did you all bring this thread back up again. I was starting to get past it.
> 
> Of course spouses can go out with friends. But nightclubs, if not handled VERY carefully and with a LOT of ground rules, have no place in commited relationships. And girls especially, if you are sure your man is not gay and he likes to go clubbing, you are essentially giving him a lisence to cheat if you let him go and are not VERY careful about who he's with and where he goes. Guys go to nightclubs to score. Period. I don't care if they're in a commited relationship or not.
> 
> Girls actually like to dance. But guys, if your woman is not with a group of friends that you trust (no partners in crime), if she's pretty vague and secretive before she leaves and afer she gets back, if you don't discuss it before and after and set FIRM ground rules, the intent is bad and the result could be worse.
> 
> And that desn't include heavy drinking in these places with potential for rape, drunk driving, "oh, but I was just so drunk" kind of mistakes, etc.
> 
> Clubbing is evil if not handled correctly. I spit on the very idea of it. I'm lucky it didn't ruin my marriage. And its ALL LEGITIMATE judging by the opinions of some of you on the subject. Dangerous opinions indeed.


Agreed


----------



## psychocandy

Ditajr said:


> Sure they can, but they can go somewhere where alcohol and bad things in general are all there are to do there. My husband recently went to a Raw Wrestling match with his friend. I go shopping with my friend or to lunch and sometimes concerts. Yeah the wrestling thing and the concert, alcohol was available, but we promise each other we won't drink at those events because it doesn't ever lead to anything good. If we want to drink, we go to a bar together or do it at home.


I'm sorry but thats just a bit strange. I know its different with the drink culture in the UK and US....

My wife and I occasionally spent whole weekends away from each other 'on the beer' so to speak. Most people would see this as perfectly acceptable.

In fact, it'd be considered sacrilege here in Wales, if blokes werent allowed to go to Scotland/Ireland etc on rugby weekends... Perish the thought !!!! LOL+


----------



## MrsFarris

I'd like to know, does she ever want her to go with? would you go if she asked. Because my opinion would be different if she offered to have you come or something and you just weren't into it... but for the most part I would say that making that a regular thing is not okay. 


As far as the first question, I would say it is about a three for me. I wouldn't go out clubbing w/ friends unless it was a special occasion, and if I did, I wouldn't talk to guys although it is nice to get "the look" from a guy every once in a while... its a boost of self confidence! But people go out to clubs for social interaction, and if I woman is going out on a regular basis, getting all dressed up and looking hot, then social interaction is what she is looking for. I mean, come on, shes not getting all dolled up for the ladies to be looking at her, right? Now like I said, it can be nice every once in a while to have some girl time, go do something fun, dance, be crazy, get checked out by some guys- because you know they can't have you and that is empowering.


As far as the second question, I would definitely think she should tell you where she is going, and be open to answering questions you have about the night. If I am in your wife's shoes, and I don't want to talk about what happened that night... its probably because I feel guilty for the way I acted. That DOESN'T mean that she cheated, but just intentionally flirting w/ a guy can cause guilt if she knows it is something you don't want. 

My husband is a little reserved, and typically when I confront him w/ an issue he reacts one of two ways... when I accuse him of something he didn't go, he gets a little frustrated and then explains himself and tries to reassures me, fix the problem. But when I accuse him of something he is guilty of, such as when I found out he was cheating, he denied it but became very very angry and started accusing me of things like being too suspicious and not trusting him and acting crazy and blah blah blah. Later on when confronted w/ the evidence he had to admit it and apologize for throwing it in my face, he was just trying to make the argument about me to get the heat off of himself. 

I know my husband well, and if there is one thing I have learned it is GO WITH YOUR GUT. I had a gut feeling he was cheating way before I had any evidence. If you have a gut feeling about her activities not having pure intentions, its definitely worth looking into. But remember, shes innocent until proven guilty and "looking into it" doesn't mean making wild accusations and assuming things before you know them.


----------



## MrsFarris

cody5 said:


> Sorry everyone. I’ve been commanding too much space and time on this forum for my one little issue. I need to close this.



Don't listen to that! if people don't want to help you with your issue, then they can read something else! Its just silly to ignore your feelings, you are on here for help and if there is a percentage of people who want to help, no matter the size, then its worth it. A lot of woman on this site (myself included) are writing about their own issues with husbands, and when you are pissed off at your man it may be a little harder to feel sympathetic for someone else's husband. Who knows, maybe their husbands are too suspicious of them and it gets on their nerves! I'm not saying how they feel isn't totally justified, but being able to get both sides of the story, getting to know why some people think its an issue and some think its okay, is the reason that this place is so helpful! 

I just don't want you to feel like your feelings aren't valid because some people don't totally agree... if we all felt the same about everything there wouldn't be a need for marriage-help websites, would there?! 

Good luck :]


----------



## cody5

MrsFarris said:


> I'd like to know, does she ever want her to go with?
> .


No. Me going would never be considered an option. That would take the fun out of it, wouldn't it? I don't like to dance so that's a nice convenient excuse.

Anyone else that wants to imply that it could have been innocent, please stop. I've posted to many sites, gotten tons of advice, even searched old posts in many sites with key-word search for "clubbing", "nightclubs", "dancing", etc. The results were a REAL slap in the face. There is NOTHING to conclude that her intentions were good. Was she looking to sleep w/ someone? I actuall doubt it. But the fact that she had this passion, if that's the correct term, to go out drinking with, flirting with, dancing with, and all-around partying with, strange men until 3:00 in the morning is concerning. I'm guessing the thrill of knowing that every single one of these guys wanted to **** her was part of the turn-on as well.

And even if her intentions stopped there, what about that PERFECT guy she stumbles upon. Slow dance comes on. Nobody that even knows her (except her partner in crime, of course) is within 5 miles of her. Her husband DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE IS. The mood is right. He bends down to kiss her...


----------



## sisters359

> But the fact that she had this passion, if that's the correct term, to go out drinking with, flirting with, dancing with, and all-around partying with, strange men until 3:00 in the morning is concerning.


This is where I agree with you. It isn't the clubbing--it's the desire for attention from other men that is the problem you BOTH need to confront. Either she has an insatiable need, or the two of you aren't connecting in a way that satisfies a reasonable need. Counseling would help. Viewing any activity as "the problem" is a distraction from the real problem, the underlying issue. Sometimes one has to stop the activity (like cheating or drinking/drugging) to work through the underlying issues. Often, though, the activity can continue.

A woman who needs/wants male attention can get it anywhere. She could go skiing, or to a pool, join a bridge club and go to tournaments. Just because SOME people use clubs as a place to score, it does not mean everyone does. 

Anyone who is thinking about "forbidding" an activity their spouse enjoys needs to think long and hard about why. If you feel insecure, there MAY be good reason. Maybe not. Talking it out and getting counseling as needed is the adult approach. Asking a spouse to stop is risky---where do you draw the line on asking them to stop things that they love? We all have to make enough sacrifices in marriage, and to make a sacrifice simply b/c of another person's insecurities is a bit much. That's where trust comes in--if a spouse says the activity is innocent, and you've talked it out in counseling, etc., then you must trust.


----------



## cody5

Thanks for the advice Sister. But I'm guessing that while you're working on your husbands drug and prostitute addictions, you'd forbid him to go Amsterdam with his druggie, womanizing friend. Or you would if you're smart anyhow.


----------



## scarletblue

Oh, back to this thread again...lol. I think one of the problems here is that a lot of people who are reading the posts are viewing them in their own situations. 

One poster said it depends on where you live. That is so true! Maybe Cody lives in a city where there are actual nightclubs. I live in a town with a population of 30,000. No "Nightclubs" here. There are 3 or 4 bars that have music, and that's about it. So, my situation of going out with the girls may differ in extreme to his. I know most of the people there and the DJ is a friend of mine.

Just me personally, I do not believe in flirting with other men. I don't believe in leading men to think that I'm interested, when I am not. I had a girlfriend years ago, who would flirt with men so they'd buy her drinks. That pretty much ended our friendship. I don't do anything when I'm out without my husband, that I wouldn't do if he was there.

And Cody, I'm sorry if you thought I was defending or condoning your wife's behavior. I was just trying to let you know that there are situations when it is innocent and harmless. I'm glad you seem to have worked this problem out with your wife and are working on your lives together. Much happiness to you and your wife.


----------



## cody5

Hi Scarlet.

Yeah, it's back. Like a bad penny. I didn't do it though. I'm just trying t get over it. 

Women can go to nightclubs or bars just for some innocent dancing or drinking with friends. But they also go to hook up. I can almost guarantee I've read more posts and threads on the subject than anyone on this forum. I went to archive threads on this and other forums. Women that go for innocent fun behave one way, cheaters another. The difference is almost black and white. I'm afraid my wife's behavior fell square into the latter.

And the establishments themselves didn't make my wife addicted to the thrill of being desired by strange me. The clubs didn't force her back week after week. After all, I'm not on this forum because a brick and wood structure hurt me. Like a previous poster said, it's my wife's desire (former desire, hopefully) to party until the early morning hours with strange men that I need to deal with. The activity sems to have stopped, but I need to deal with what made her want it so badly that she would risk her relationship with me for it.

I just want things to be like they were before....


----------



## scarletblue

Hopefully, when all is said and done, it will be better for you than it was before, Cody.


----------

