# Suggestion to problems with porn...



## Drayvius (Nov 30, 2010)

Ok, first let me say this. I am a guy, and I like porn. My wife doesnt want me to look so I do the best I can not to. Looking on here thou I see that there are a lot of people who seem to struggle with it....this web site is for people who WANT to stop. If they don't want to then it won't help. But I will toss it out there and see if maybe it helps someone.

npsupport.net

hope it helps.

Dray


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Its nice to see a guy actually take the initiative. kudos to you and good luck.


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## SomeGuy80 (Dec 1, 2010)

I had a problem with this myself years ago. I had been single for a long time and didn't see the harm in it. I later came to realize that it was wrong (and my wife didn't want me doing it.) I never thought it was an addiction, but it was--I realized this when I just couldn't stop when I wanted. 

You need to treat it like an addiction--don't go near any sources of temptation, be committed to stopping, and most importantly, tell your wife upfront that you're having trouble. She'll be mad most likely, but a lot less than she would be later if you have a lapse and didn't tell her up front. She'll think you've been at it the whole time. Ask her to keep you extra sexed up. 

Women always think men look at porn because they'd rather have what's in the picture. In most cases that's the exact opposite. Fantasy is in the picture. Fantasy is safe, it doesn't reject you when it's tired, you don't feel pressure to perform. Reality is always better, but if it comes down to not getting reality vs. the easy fantasy, it becomes easy to rely on the crutch. 

So talk with your wife, tell her you really want to stop, ask her if she'll make extra time for intimacy so you can get over your problem. Knowing that your wife truly desires you will remove the biggest part of the temptation. 



Drayvius said:


> Ok, first let me say this. I am a guy, and I like porn. My wife doesnt want me to look so I do the best I can not to. Looking on here thou I see that there are a lot of people who seem to struggle with it....this web site is for people who WANT to stop. If they don't want to then it won't help. But I will toss it out there and see if maybe it helps someone.
> 
> npsupport.net
> 
> ...


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

if i'm getting sex then i don't care about porn, if i'm not getting sex and i find out you are watching porn then it's on buddy lol. i watch porn, i see no harm done if you are satisfying the person you are with to the point of their desire. the only time it bothers me is when he's "too tired" and then watches porn. granted there is alot more work in sex than sitting in a chair, but i'm also willing to do bj's and most of the work sometimes so no excuse. but if we've had sex 3-4 times a week and you wanna play and watch porn go for it. just my opinion. also my opinion that couples should talk about porn before being married...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

sntdwn2ufrmhvn said:


> if i'm getting sex then i don't care about porn, if i'm not getting sex and i find out you are watching porn then it's on buddy lol. i watch porn, i see no harm done if you are satisfying the person you are with to the point of their desire. the only time it bothers me is when he's "too tired" and then watches porn. granted there is alot more work in sex than sitting in a chair, but i'm also willing to do bj's and most of the work sometimes so no excuse. but if we've had sex 3-4 times a week and you wanna play and watch porn go for it. just my opinion. also my opinion that couples should talk about porn before being married...


:iagree: Ditto for me and thus my issue with porn. It's not the porn itself, its what it represents in my marriage at this time.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> :iagree: Ditto for me and thus my issue with porn. It's not the porn itself, its what it represents in my marriage at this time.


in the same boat.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

I fight the tempations of porn every day..I see hot chicks every where..damn girls are purdy...I got a sweet, beautiful wife..she doesn't have a model body like most pornstars do..but when we've had lots of good sex I dont desire porn..still would get turned on by it but the temptation is reduced greatly...I told my wife in a two page letter about how I had a problem with porn and she was pissed..probably more sad than pissed..so sex was even less after...I dont think of porn while i have sex..my focus is only my wife..she turns me on..but if I'm not getting it from her I'll view porn sometimes and the worst is the next few days almost every woman I see I think of her naked...except for my wife, because I know that she isn't very interested in making me feel sexually satisfied even though I've told her this many many times..if only she would put in more effort..
That's my story.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

I look at porn all the time. Sometimes just when im bored. Hubby looks too. Im glad i can enjoy it. I know he would think it utterly stupid if i objected to him looking at strangers having sex, becoming aroused and either having sex with me or with himself. and I agree, so its not an issue for us


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

janesmith said:


> I look at porn all the time. Sometimes just when im bored. Hubby looks too. Im glad i can enjoy it. I know he would think it utterly stupid if i objected to him looking at strangers having sex, becoming aroused and either having sex with me or with himself. and I agree, so its not an issue for us


And if your sex life is satisfying for the "both" of you, then that's great.

But, when it's not, you might have a different response.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Married men are the biggest consumers of porn by far. But the reason isn't because they are not getting enough sex with their wives it is that they are bored having sex with the same person and want some kind of sexual variety in their lives.

And the heaviest porn users are married men who are no longer interested in having sex with their wives at all due to attraction issues. They simply no longer feel any sexual desire for their wives and have come to prefer sexual fantasy over the real thing. So it is not simply a matter of stopping the porn. The porn use is just a symptom of a sexually dysfunctional marriage.

As a matter of fact in many cases their porn use actually keeps the marriage together because without porn many of these men would be having affairs or going to prostitutes which would endanger the marriage much more than using porn.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I agreee with MR B. Some men need an outlet so what do they do? repress their physical needs? 

I have not looked at porn in quite some time. My wife is very hot and cold on the topic so I avoid conflict by not using it. I think it can be very addicting though. We do have the imbalanced drive and she is OK with my practice of recording late night tv featuring young girls in bikinis which i used as a visual aid to masturbate. For some reason my wife is ok with that as long as her needs are met.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

PSA

People distroy marriages, not porn. Pass it along!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

tjohnson said:


> and she is OK with my practice of recording late night tv featuring young girls in bikinis which i used as a visual aid to masturbate.


Okay, I know you're serious - but girls in bikinis do it for you - for some reason that tickled my funny bone.

For my husband, that would be like jacking off to Popeye, he definitely needs more than that.

My hats off to ya! :smthumbup:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I think porn is really only a problem when it's used to satisfy only one person's needs while in marriage 2 must be satisfied.

BTW, on a light-hearted note, watch this:
YouTube - I Love To Choke My Chicken With My Hand


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> I think porn is really only a problem when it's used to satisfy only one person's needs while in marriage 2 must be satisfied.
> 
> BTW, on a light-hearted note, watch this:
> YouTube - I Love To Choke My Chicken With My Hand


I laughed all the way through that. :rofl:


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Drayvius said:


> Ok, first let me say this. I am a guy, and I like porn. My wife doesnt want me to look so I do the best I can not to. Looking on here thou I see that there are a lot of people who seem to struggle with it....this web site is for people who WANT to stop. If they don't want to then it won't help. But I will toss it out there and see if maybe it helps someone.
> 
> npsupport.net
> 
> ...


This does help. I am currently going to the ARP Meetings to learn how to cope with my "addiction". My wife is LDS, so she has some strict standards. I love my wife very much, so I am willing to do what ever it takes to love and honor her, and to respect her wishes. We have recently separated due to some issues, including, but not limited to, my addiction to porn.

Before I was married, I didn't think that porn was a problem, or even an issue. But once I got married, I soon realized that it was a problem, but I did everything that I could to deny it and hide it from my wife. She found out anyway, and this hurt our relationship in honesty, trust, attraction, the list goes on. She thought that I did it because I was no longer attracted to her, but it was herd to convince her that it was because I was "hooked" on it. I found porn to be an excellent resource to increase my "drive".

I too fight the temptations of porn everyday. I see attractive gals, thin, heavy, short, tall, I am not picky. If they're attractive, then I will look. I have had to fight off these urges and look away when I see an attractive lady. Movies containing love/sex scenes were also a trigger for my urges. I have had to sell or give away my movies with this behavior. Maybe once I can overcome these urges, then I can watch a movie with no problems.

The first thing to recovery is recognizing the fact that porn is an addiction, and like other addictions, you can overcome it by ways of counseling, programs, research, talking to your frineds or family. There are many resources out there that can teach you how to overcome an addiction and learn how to live a wonderful life. It is a difficult tak, but it will be well worth it in the end.

Good luck!


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## intialf (Feb 2, 2011)

hi all, i am new here, and i am newly married to my wife, i love my wife, and i am willing to do anything for her. I too have an addiction to porn, and i have been battling it since high school. I have been able to stay away from porn for months at a time, but i do occasionally slip. My wife caught me watching porn behind her quite a few time, needless to say she is not pleased.... of course, i lied to try get away, but it only made matter worst... Today i slip again... after a good 4 months without porn and now she asks for a divorce... . I tried admitting to her that i have an addiction, but it will only seem to be an excuse to try justify my action.... i love my wife dearly... and i do not wish to loose her over my addiction... Any suggestion on how should i confront her will be greatly appropriated.

intialF


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

initialF, you may want to start your own thread... But my first thought is that the porn bothers her a lot (obviously), and it may seem to her that you promise to change, but you're not. So if you want to save your marriage, you either need to convince her that it's not as bad as it seems, or prove to her that you're serious about changing your ways (and mean it).

I don't know how you can convince her that it's not the worst thing that could happen in your marriage except for finding out from her WHY sh doesn't want you to watch... Personally, I find it's a pretty normal thing to do. But she's obviously got a beef about it, and it might be good for you to find out exactly what that is.

As far as proving to her that you're serious about it this time, getting some professional help might be a good method. Perhaps even canceling your Internet connection if you can. Even counseling for both of you... Some help for you to quit, and maybe someplace for her to vent about how she feels, and possibly get an understanding of why you're doing what you're doing. Why are you doing what you're doing, anyway? When you know you're risking your marriage?

C


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

PBear said:


> initialF, you may want to start your own thread... But my first thought is that the porn bothers her a lot (obviously), and it may seem to her that you promise to change, but you're not. So if you want to save your marriage, you either need to convince her that it's not as bad as it seems, or prove to her that you're serious about changing your ways (and mean it).
> 
> I don't know how you can convince her that it's not the worst thing that could happen in your marriage except for finding out from her WHY sh doesn't want you to watch... Personally, I find it's a pretty normal thing to do. But she's obviously got a beef about it, and it might be good for you to find out exactly what that is.
> 
> ...


My husband is also what I would refer to as a porn addict, though I'm sure he would disagree.

It took a year of soul-searching and counselling to realize that I have a problem with him viewing porn that actually has nothing to do with him. I've tried to make it about him, etc., but have come to realize that I may be displaying some hypocracy in my stance on it.

I like porn, I watch it myself and with my husband when he's in the mood. But for some reason, within the last year I became very uneasy with him watching it without me. This, I have discovered is due to a lot of reasons. #1 - a loss of trust for him due to some "issues" that occurred after his brain injury; #2 - a loss of self-confidence in myself due to #1; #3 - insecurity that developed due to #1 and #2, along with aging and turning 50 last year.

I NEVER had issues with him watching porn before, partly because I wasn't aware of how OFTEN he was doing it. I discovered that accidently last year and that's when all of the above started. His frequency of viewing it increased after his brain injury, I believe, partly due to the medical issues that occurred concerning his ability to perform sexually, the fact that he can no longer work and is home too much, bored, with nothing to do and so he surfs the computer and watches TV a lot.

So I'm now coming to the conclusion that it's okay and the issues I have with it are my own insecurities, self-confidence and respect issues in myself and my lack of trust in him that he loves and is committed to me. And I realize, now, that my puritanical stance on it was actually pushing him more towards it - like a child who will do something they've been told not to do just to show that they can do it anyway. He is a grown man afterall and will do what he wants.

This has been a very long, hard road that took its toll on my physical and mental health and the state of my marriage. But I'm coming through the fog and starting to relax and feel better about it. I have STOPPED snooping on his computer history, am assuming he's surfing but it's not about ME, and I'm feeling more comfortable with myself as a woman and his wife.

Boy it's a relief - I almost drove myself to the nut house over this issue and caused myself a lot of undue stress.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

intialf said:


> hi all, i am new here, and i am newly married to my wife, i love my wife, and i am willing to do anything for her. I too have an addiction to porn, and i have been battling it since high school. I have been able to stay away from porn for months at a time, but i do occasionally slip. My wife caught me watching porn behind her quite a few time, needless to say she is not pleased.... of course, i lied to try get away, but it only made matter worst... Today i slip again... after a good 4 months without porn and now she asks for a divorce... . I tried admitting to her that i have an addiction, but it will only seem to be an excuse to try justify my action.... i love my wife dearly... and i do not wish to loose her over my addiction... Any suggestion on how should i confront her will be greatly appropriated.
> 
> intialF





PBear said:


> initialF, you may want to start your own thread... But my first thought is that the porn bothers her a lot (obviously), and it may seem to her that you promise to change, but you're not. So if you want to save your marriage, you either need to convince her that it's not as bad as it seems, or prove to her that you're serious about changing your ways (and mean it).
> 
> I don't know how you can convince her that it's not the worst thing that could happen in your marriage except for finding out from her WHY sh doesn't want you to watch... Personally, I find it's a pretty normal thing to do. But she's obviously got a beef about it, and it might be good for you to find out exactly what that is.
> 
> ...


Going to therapy and to Addiction Recovery meetings have helped me out tremendously. I still get the urge once in a while, but they are becoming easier to overcome.

Once you break your habits and routines, it becomes easier to overcome your addictions. Find a program that will help you, attend a few meetings to get the feel of how they can work for you. Then invite your wife to one of them so that she may get to know that this is aproblem that you are willing to fix. Have her tell her side of the story, maybe then you both will have an understanding as to how your addiction is affecting you both. Remember this, your addiction not only affects you, but it also affects those around you, especially those who love you.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

I consider myself a porn addict.
I do not look at it that much, perhaps 3-5 times a month. But when the urge hits me, thats it, I can't control myself. I'll generally do it when I have a) the opportunity, b) I'm especially depressed or lonely, or c) when I have a specific "topic" I want to view. 
The longest I've gone without looking at it is about 3 years, when I was very active in church and had a group of good guys who I held myself accountable too. Which is something that I think can help you, whether its in that type of setting or with an addiction help group.


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## lynn711 (Feb 5, 2011)

I think it is very sad that first of all WOMEN subject themselves to this lifestyle and if you listen to former porn stars there is nothing sexy or glamourous about their JOB and that is exactly what it is a JOB. I hate knowing my husband looks at porn because I am a woman that would have sex anytime, any place (well almost any place). i have NEVER said no to him. So someone tell my why he NEEDS it?? I don't understand the NEED for it at all when you are getting more than enough sex at home. And I'm tall and thin and actually very sexy.....so why does he want to look at porn it makes me feel bad about myself and our marriage and the fact I have told him it hurts me out of respect he should not be looking. If I was depriving him of any that is a seperate issue, but then again where is your SELF CONTROL MEN.


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## Drayvius (Nov 30, 2010)

lynn711 said:


> I think it is very sad that first of all WOMEN subject themselves to this lifestyle and if you listen to former porn stars there is nothing sexy or glamourous about their JOB and that is exactly what it is a JOB. I hate knowing my husband looks at porn because I am a woman that would have sex anytime, any place (well almost any place). i have NEVER said no to him. So someone tell my why he NEEDS it?? I don't understand the NEED for it at all when you are getting more than enough sex at home. And I'm tall and thin and actually very sexy.....so why does he want to look at porn it makes me feel bad about myself and our marriage and the fact I have told him it hurts me out of respect he should not be looking. If I was depriving him of any that is a seperate issue, but then again where is your SELF CONTROL MEN.


Heh, if only it were that simple. I can say that nearly every aspect in life any more seems almost like it is forcing sex into every day life. Watch TV and what do you see?? Hot women all over the place, even where they dont logically belong  And even if its not in the show you are watching...BAM Victoria Secret commercial >.> just cant seem to get away. Same with movies. Even when doing other things, it seems everywhere you go there is a woman somewhere wearing something really tight or revealing. 

I dont want to come accross as making excuses....I do look and I have my reasons. For some men I would venture to say that it adds a spark....a thrill...if nothing else maybe because when we are younger we have a natural interest. We want to see...we want to know. I think that the interest we have maybe changes later. Think of this, what is the allure behind having sex in a public place?? Or in the backseat of the car?? Its getting caught. As stupid as that sounds, it adds a thrill to sex. Same with anything that is a little different from the "norm" 

I think, that because men grow up being told "dont look at that" Then they get into a relationship...where their wife says "dont look at that" its almost like your doing it because you are not supposed to. I dont know, I could completely be talking out of my @$$ here....but its just a thought.

Otherwise(and this is just a thing for everyone out there not directed at any one person) for my own reasons. My wife is very self consious. She doesnt like for me to even look at her naked. At all. Even just a little. Men are VERY visual when it comes to sex. I look at porn to fill that need that my wife doesnt want to fill. The way I look at it is I get what I need and I dont have to push her to be uncomfortable. I dont suppose it will last forever, but for now it helps me take the edge off.

Dray


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I am curious about when porn becomes an "addiction". Generally, addiction is when someone continues a behavior despite it's negative consequences. The key here is negative consequences. This has to be interpreted on an individual and relationship basis. By this definition, many things can become an addiction including work, video games, watching the news and cleaning the house. None of these things, including porn, is a bad thing in and of themselves. In fact, they are all good things when used appropriately. Frequency of use often defines when something becomes an addiction. For some relationships, watching porn more than twice a week is an addiction. However, if you work 10hrs a day, enjoy your job, and take on additional responsibilities that make you work 80-100hrs a week, that may not be considered an addiction. Even if it takes precious time away from your spouse. Same can be said for compulsive cleaning, which ironically is an "excuse" by many spouses not to have time for intimate love with their partners. 

I think we all need to step back and get a little perspective. We all want to enjoy ourselves, want to be in love and be loved. It is that simple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

effess said:


> I consider myself a porn addict.
> I do not look at it that much, perhaps 3-5 times a month. But when the urge hits me, thats it, I can't control myself. I'll generally do it when I have a) the opportunity, b) I'm especially depressed or lonely, or c) when I have a specific "topic" I want to view.
> The longest I've gone without looking at it is about 3 years, when I was very active in church and had a group of good guys who I held myself accountable too. Which is something that I think can help you, whether its in that type of setting or with an addiction help group.


It is this very change in my life that is helping me to overcome my addictions such as porn. I find myself no longer desiring it, I resist any urge that may try to come, I overcome the temptations before they have a chance to latch on. I have become more active in Church. I also attend ARP (Addiction Recovery Program) classes at least once a week. But, the one most influential reason for not allowing porn into my life is my daughter. My wife and I are separated, getting ready for a divorce. She has custody of our daughter. I am allowed one 8 hour day per week to see her. Those 8 hours are so powerful, so precious, that I can focus my energies towards becoming a better person, and to uphold my promise to my daughter that I will be the best father that I can be. I have gone two months now since my "wake-up" call. I plan on taking this one day at a time, keeping myself true to my commitment.

I do not watch certain movies that degrade women, if I happen to find one in my collection of DVD's, I will take it down to my local pawn shop and sell it, or I will just throw it away. It is sad to see a woman degrade herself just for fame or money or to say that she is sexy. I feel that she is drawing the wrong attention towards herself.


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