# Wife Demands Separation After Business Trip



## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

I've been reading many posts on TAM, but wanted to start my own to get advice and encouragement. Here's my story.

Been together 13 years, married 10, and have three children. About 5 years ago I was traveling a lot overseas in impoverished, third-world countries for work, often gone for 2-3 week stints. My wife had just had our third child. I'd come home and have a hard time adjusting to "America' much less home life. I wasn't the best husband I could be, probably wasn't even mediocre. My wife was going through a lot of hormones, and it was too much to ask for her to manage the house. She works PT remote from home, home schools, and had this third newborn to handle. It must have been a nightmare. 

She would get really testy with me and our sex life was pretty much down to me begging for a wham, bam, thank you mam. She was not into it, but put out enough to keep me around. One day I cracked and told her I wanted her to get out and leave me alone. If this was how I was going to be treated, forget it, I'm done. She asked for counseling, we went, and over several weeks I realized what a mistake I had made. I spent years after courting her all over again, like we were dating, working hard to show her she was the one for me and I adored her.

Things recovered well, and as the children got older (youngest is now 5) we found a sex life better than when we first started dating. Things got comfortable. And, I think that's where this story starts. I got comfortable. I still did sweet things, but probably not as often. I might forget to do a chore, lock a door, things that normally wouldn't be a big deal. But, deep in her mind she still feels betrayed by me from before. And I think as she has gotten her body back and had more time without all the children hanging on her, she's started to emotionally question whether she has been with me because it was convenient and fit that stage of life, and should she evaluate that again. 

Case in point. We went out dancing with a buddy of mine (His wife hates to dance so she stayed home) six months ago. My buddy and wife got super drunk, so I pulled back and sobered up to get them home safely. As they got drunk I was not comfortable with how much whispering in each others ear and giggling was taking place. I confronted my wife about it the next day and she did say my buddy was getting flirty. Nothing more happened. My buddy apologized the next day and I have zero reason to suspect anything from him. He's in a great marriage, just gets nutty when he drinks too much. 

Then last month we finally had another "date night" and just my wife and I went dancing. I thought it was a fine night. But I'll get back to that later.

Last week she went on a business trip. She goes on these quarterly meets with the Corporate Team and their Main Vendor. She's done this many times. She always texts me a bunch, comes back and talks about it, never suspected anything. This time she hardly texts me at all, and then when she gets back she says hardly anything about the trip. Suspicion number one. I drop it. Three days later I come down in the morning and she lays the "we need to separate" bit on me. She wants to "have space" and "find herself" and decide if this marriage is what she wants. She is specific to point out that right now she doesn't want the marriage, but she wants to have space to see if she perhaps does. She's leaning toward the big D but not certain. 

I've put money down on an apartment down the street so I can have the kids come and stay with me several nights a week. In her words, "I'm a great Dad" and we want this to be the least damaging as possible. Even if she moves on permanently, in which case I come back into the house (I pay for it) and she moves on, she intends to live close by. She offered to move and have me stay in the house, but I decided this was best for the kids and it shows I care enough to work with her on this before a final decision is made.

I have to wait 2 weeks to move, so I'm still in the house. I'm playing aloof, but being cordial, funny, nice. I'm grooming nicely, dressing up, making myself as attractive as I can be. I'm being a good-looking friend at this point, and giving her space. Three days later she takes our 8-year-old daughter to a concert upstate and spends the night. She's taken our oldest son before. I get ZERO texts from her, and I figure we're just giving space. 

Then she trots down with the kids to Thanksgiving at her parents. I stay back. That night I start getting to thinking about how this all came down right after the business trip. I know that one event doesn't account for everything else, but I went against my "I trust you" gut and checked the txt records on our account. There's a new number, based in the city where the vendor resides, that starts blowing up the second night of her trip. The first night they commonly go out for dinner and drink into the late hours of the night. They party it up. So that second day there are 150+ text and pictures going back and forth, and then the final night before she comes home she's texting this person literally every 30s to minute from 1AM - 5:30AM, then starts again at 8AM (presume she got 2-1/2 hours of sleep before plane). 

Then it keeps going when she gets home. Some time-stamps are "likely" after she went up to bed. It totally stop on the weekend she says separate. Not a single text. But, that following Monday it starts up again, and like I said, this number was never on the previous statements, even though there are others infrequently texted that are likely real work contacts. She's even texting this person while at the concert with my daughter, while ignoring me. 

I right or wrongly confronted her about it last night. She played it off as "bantering" with co-workers. Sent me pictures of work stuff, nothing at all flirty or racy. I did NOT focus her on the 1AM - 5AM or the texts that have happened since. I figure I'm in separation mode, already, and I just want her to fess up if this is an EA or not. 

I'm 99% positive it is EA. She's found some dude she's enjoying a text-relationship with. When she told me she wanted to separate she also mentioned some key things:

1. I need space
2. I need to "find" myself
3. I don't know how long it will take
4. I may want a divorce, I don't know
5. I love you and you are my best friend, but the passion is gone (doesn't like it when I hug her or massage her back or hold her hand)
6. When we were out dancing with my buddy, she found it a bit exciting that someone was interested in her
7. When we went dancing by ourselves, she found herself paying less attention to me and wondering if other guys were checking her out

To me she started wanting an EA a while back, and this secret text friend has taken advantage of the situation. Perhaps she is going through a mid-life crisis like I did when I tried to separate from her, and she needs to work this through the way I did. Difference being, I stayed at home and focused on it. If I had run or she had run, I'm not sure it would have ever worked out.

She's super pissed at me for going through the phone records, but I wanted her to have an opportunity to "own" that she is emotionally cheating on me. She isn't, and I'm sure she isn't telling me the truth, but I take that as a sign that she isn't quite ready to let go of our marriage. I think she's close, but if she wanted to bag it she'd just say "yes, I want to bang this dude" and then she knows we would be finished.

My plan is:

1. Move out 2nd week of December, earliest I could get a place in this hot housing market
2. Have the kids spend 3+ nights a week with me, not really so she can have space, but so I can be a great dad
3. Give her ultimate space at this point. I'm texting or calling when we need to organize stuff for the kids
4. Feel her out on being able to talk about anything else when we are making child arrangements; I think that's a good avenue for seeing if she wants to have me stay for dinner or something down the road
5. Start working on myself. I'm going to go to a marriage counselor (by myself, she won't go, for now) and work on the lack of nourishment I gave the relationship. As much as where we are is her fault for not sitting down and talking and exploring EA, the how and why we got here is as much my fault as anyone, and I'm going to own that and work on me and how I approach a loving relationship

I figure #5 will help me show her I want to be that always-courting, better husband. And, if it doesn't work out, I'll come out of this a better man for the next love of my life, and can at least figure out how to co-share the kids in a way that makes this far better than more divorces I have seen.

So for today I'm at work, staying away from the house. I'll go get my hair cut so I can look good. Heading out with the guys to play pinball. I told her I'd be out late and not to worry, not sure she would anyway, she'll probably be texting her new friend. 

And then try to stay low-key in the house until I move out. Be friendly, but let her start most of the conversations. I'll help with chores like I always do, so she knows I'm not being a **** or anything. I'll still do some little things, like get her coffee ready for her morning routine. But, I'll have to hold back on leaving funny/cute/sexy post-it notes like I do (did that just two weeks ago, ugh), buying flowers, or sending her I Love You texts in the middle of the day. It's going to need to be a "friend" or roommate environment where she goes first. 

Eager to hear advice here. For now, she's the love of my life and I saw her and I growing old together. I know I caused a chasm back in the day, but I thought we were beyond that. I guess she never really recovered and now that the baby-fat is gone and her sex drive is way up ... she's exploring options. 

I'm willing to fight for this for a while. I obviously won't be that guy that sits it out 6+ months, but I can handle a while on my own and see how it goes. In a sick way, I think it could be healthy for me regardless of her decision. And, she definitely won't consider saving our marriage unless I get the hell out as I can tell my presence is negative, especially because I'm a Type-A, outgoing, and emotional person that wants to understand and fix things: she calls it clingy, I call it loving and caring. But right now it is definitely clingy. Just sucks she's out there texting it up with some person when she could be working on this with me. 

Advice?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Ridiculous. She's manipulating you. 

Space = time to explore other relationships without guilt. 

If she wants out why are you leaving?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Did you search for the phone number in Facebook? 8/10 times it will show you the person. Wreck his world.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Do you both travel regularly on your jobs? 
How often? 
When you traveled a lot did you ever have an affair? 

I will give you more detailed advice after I get answers to to these questions. But under no circumstances should you leave the house. She is having an affair, and abandoning your family would be a colossal legal mistake. Give her a strong ultimatum: End your affair or leave the house. She will continue to try and gaslight you by saying you invaded her privacy by looking into her texts. Don't let her anger deter you. Redirect by simply saying that her infidelity has hurt you deeply (Do not cry, whimper, or beg), and do not debate this with her.


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

She's not really the manipulative type. She was wiling to move out and was looking at houses and about to put down a deposit on a rental when I told her to stop. I waited to see how serious she was, and she was dead serious. It will be better for the kids to stay in the house until she decides it is final. At that point I'm coming back to my house though and she moves on. She is clear on that.


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

I don't travel hardly at all, anymore. No. Maybe twice a year, and usually only one that is more than a few days. She travels four times a year, always with the same gang and always for 2 days. No, I have not had an affair. But she suspected me of one when I was traveling. 

I do believe she is having a text affair, yes. Should I just hit her up about the 1AM - 5AM texts and then all the texting since she has come home? Honestly, if I go that path, this sucker is cooked. No ****ing way she stays. She's a bold-headed woman and not afraid to leave. I'm trying to give her room to think and calm down because of her personality. If I don't move out, this sucker is 100% done. If I do, no idea.


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

I should mention someone is definitely leaving the house, she had made that clear. If not me, she'll be out in a few days in a new rental house somewhere nearby. The moving out isn't going to change. Someone is going. If I kick her out I'm pretty sure we are toast. If I confront her on texting again I am sure we are toast. But, I guess it's my life and I have the right to ask about the 1AM - 5AM banter fest. And, all the bantering since.


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

I looked the number up on FB and it is someone from that company and someone she has mentioned in the past. He appears single. I'd like more advice and I can cancel my "move" plans in the next few days and revert. I'm also debating going home (I'm supposed to leave her alone today) and saying, look, you've got all these texts from 1AM - 5AM to a phone number for Brett, then you're literally texting all day the morning you get back, you're texting him at night when you in bed or going to bed. I think somethings up. Either prove to me it isn't, or if you are having an EA, I need you to leave because we aren't going to be able to recover if you are doing that. 

I'm pretty sure she leaves at that point, but if she's having an EA I guess we're toast. And, if she isn't she should be willing to prove it. But she's a bull-headed woman, and I'm thinking there is a high probability I fry this marriage even if the answer is nothing was up, but it all smells like it is. Who the **** texts from a hotel to a co-worker from 1-5AM every 30s to 60s? I mean, come on.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Your marriage is already done, you just don't recognize it yet. That's why she is able to dictate the terms. 

The person who wins is the one willing to walk away. That's her so far. 

Here... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html and The 180


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

ch3mtrailinhaler said:


> I don't travel hardly at all, anymore. No. Maybe twice a year, and usually only one that is more than a few days. She travels four times a year, always with the same gang and always for 2 days. No, I have not had an affair. But she suspected me of one when I was traveling.
> 
> I do believe she is having a text affair, yes. Should I just hit her up about the 1AM - 5AM texts and then all the texting since she has come home? Honestly, if I go that path, this sucker is cooked. No ****ing way she stays. She's a bold-headed woman and not afraid to leave. I'm trying to give her room to think and calm down because of her personality. If I don't move out, this sucker is 100% done. If I do, no idea.


You're letting fear dictate your actions and that is a mistake, friend. You must be strategic, and you must understand that your wife is in the fog. Affairs are addicting. Your wife is in the grip of a powerful love drug and she likely won't put the crack pipe down. At least not right away. Readers here know the script that she will be following and know the path you should take. I hope you will trust us because we have seen this play out hundreds of times. 

1. Again, I hope you will reconsider moving out. That move will put you in a bad legal position if you divorce, and that appears to be where this is going. Protect yourself and be smart. Just as important, it won't be good for your children if your wife carries out her affair in your home in their presence. 

2. Being a nice guy won't bring her back. It will push her farther away because you are enabling her cheating and that makes you weak and pathetic in her eyes. Instead, you need to set firm boundaries without fear. I would tell her, "End this affair and quit your job, or I will divorce you and ask you to leave the home." But I would balance that tough love message with, " You are the love of my life. Whenever we have worked on our marriage we have been a great pair. Our family is worth fighting for." If she decides to end the affair and quit her job then reconcile. If not, ask her to leave. So what if she is a "bold-headed woman." You are now in a war against your marriage, and the only thing you have fear is fear itself. You must be bold and assertive yourself. Passive nice guys always get ran over and prolong their agony in these situations. I hope for your sake you will take a more assertive path.

3. Separate your accounts and protect your assets before she takes everything.

4. Consult with an attorney and do everything you can to be prepared for a divorce. Even if you don't want to divorce you must prepare yourself for it because she may make that decision herself.

5. Most importantly take care of your kids. You wife is about to put them on the back burner as she "finds her happiness." She is a wayward, and they are like selfish children who neglect their responsibilities and lie when their lips move. I say this not out of spite but for the purpose of helping you to understand what you really facing here. You must be the rock your children need. Let your boss know you are facing a family crisis and your children will need more of your attention in the coming months.

6. Take care of yourself. Try and sleep and eat well. Make time for exercise. Find friends and family for support and post here. We are here for you, and, again, I am sorry you are on this nightmare. Peace to you.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

ch3mtrailinhaler said:


> I looked the number up on FB and it is someone from that company and someone she has mentioned in the past. He appears single. I'd like more advice and I can cancel my "move" plans in the next few days and revert. I'm also debating going home (I'm supposed to leave her alone today) and saying, look, you've got all these texts from 1AM - 5AM to a phone number for Brett, then you're literally texting all day the morning you get back, you're texting him at night when you in bed or going to bed. I think somethings up. Either prove to me it isn't, or if you are having an EA, I need you to leave because we aren't going to be able to recover if you are doing that.
> 
> I'm pretty sure she leaves at that point, but if she's having an EA I guess we're toast. And, if she isn't she should be willing to prove it. But she's a bull-headed woman, and I'm thinking there is a high probability I fry this marriage even if the answer is nothing was up, but it all smells like it is. Who the **** texts from a hotel to a co-worker from 1-5AM every 30s to 60s? I mean, come on.


Good man. Do not say you think she is having an affair. She is. Simply tell her you know she is and with whom she is having it. Give his name. Then issue the ultimatum. She will choose to leave, but at least you have established a critical boundary. Without that boundary your marriage is toast anyway.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Who cares at this point?

Your ticket registers in the 'loss' column. You are the valuable half of this equation. 

Anyone as introspective as you cannot be all bad. 
She says you are a good man, a good dad.

People get divorced all the time. Do not take this personal. She doesn't.
Ice cold, she and very unpleasant.

Her' net worth has been previously allocated; written off, she is bust.
No residual, no trade-in value....nada.
She is doing YOU the favor, and leave her, you must.

View it that way.

She will need a lot more luck than you to right her sinking ship.

You are a decent fellow, a good Pal.
She is a shallow wife, a sad Gal.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

*Don't move out of your home!!!!!!*

Shes wants a separation let her move out.

Better stand your ground and stop getting walked on.

Separation is to try out the other man

Better wake up!!!!


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

You have all been very helpful. I'm confronting her when she is home in an hour and forcing her to fess up. And, making an ultimatum. She'll leave, but it is what it is. You are all right. I won't move out unless she has some amazing story, and I am sure she will shutdown and just leave. I'm canceling cards and removing her from all accounts, now. I'll see if she just wants to go file divorce papers her and I without lawyers, as that is what she did in her first marriage. This is my first.

We had talked previously about just filing divorce on our own and then I'll give her some cash as "alimony" based on calculations, keep it civil and without the tax man and everyone else involved. I'll keep you updated.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ch3mtrailinhaler said:


> I've been reading many posts on TAM, but wanted to start my own to get advice and encouragement. Here's my story.
> 
> Been together 13 years, married 10, and have three children. About 5 years ago I was traveling a lot overseas in impoverished, third-world countries for work, often gone for 2-3 week stints. My wife had just had our third child. I'd come home and have a hard time adjusting to "America' much less home life. I wasn't the best husband I could be, probably wasn't even mediocre. My wife was going through a lot of hormones, and it was too much to ask for her to manage the house. She works PT remote from home, home schools, and had this third newborn to handle. It must have been a nightmare.
> 
> ...


Hard 180 no contact. Cut out the needy, clingy white knight BS. You'll just be worse off for it.

You need to wake up!!!!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ch3mtrailinhaler said:


> You have all been very helpful. I'm confronting her when she is home in an hour and forcing her to fess up. And, making an ultimatum. She'll leave, but it is what it is. You are all right. I won't move out unless she has some amazing story, and I am sure she will shutdown and just leave. I'm canceling cards and removing her from all accounts, now. I'll see if she just wants to go file divorce papers her and I without lawyers, as that is what she did in her first marriage. This is my first.
> We had talked previously about just filing divorce on our own and then I'll give her some cash as "alimony" based on calculations, keep it civil and without the tax man and everyone else involved. I'll keep you updated.


Send the phone records to her parents and expose this without warning.

Blow up the affair or you'll get nowhere.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

ch3mtrailinhaler said:


> You have all been very helpful. I'm confronting her when she is home in an hour and forcing her to fess up. And, making an ultimatum. She'll leave, but it is what it is. You are all right. I won't move out unless she has some amazing story, and I am sure she will shutdown and just leave. I'm canceling cards and removing her from all accounts, now. I'll see if she just wants to go file divorce papers her and I without lawyers, as that is what she did in her first marriage. This is my first.
> 
> We had talked previously about just filing divorce on our own and then I'll give her some cash as "alimony" based on calculations, keep it civil and without the tax man and everyone else involved. I'll keep you updated.



You are a smart man. I wish you the best today.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I must be missing something here! What on earth makes you think it was an EA only. She had plenty of opportunity and certainly the desire to bang him while she was away. Why do you think this is not a PA? She is not going to move out for an EA only. There is a very high chance that they have already "tried" each other out in the sack and now she wants to see if he is relationship material - hence the move out.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

How far away does the guy live? Make sure he's single most of the time they aren't.

Cut out the Mr Nice Guy BS and take control. They are going to destroy you, your family and your future.

Better wake up.

Exposure is you're only weapon here better use it early the longer this goes the more entrenched they'll become.

I'd send the phone records to his HR department of his company as well. He's using his company cell I'd bet.

Better get moving they are way ahead of you.

If she moves out find immediately


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You lay around affraid and waiting for her to make a decision it'll be to your detriment.

The ones who wake up fast get strong and take control come out best.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Exposure should be done without warning don't tell her. 

You need shock right now.

Don't worry about pushing her away she's already gone.


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

I'm on it now. She'll be home soon and I'm just coming at her like a calm dagger.


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## ch3mtrailinhaler (Nov 24, 2017)

In a sick, twisted way I'm eager to see the reaction. Just shut all cards and financial stuff off. Need to get silver out of house. That should do it.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

She's going to lose her cool on you. Expect that. By you giving her an ultimatum, she is no longer in control. She WILL choose the other guy at this point, which is why you need to hit both of them with exposure on both sides of their families. Exposure breaks up the fantasy that affair partners live in because now they are forced to face hard questions from people they care about. It also gives YOU the chance to make sure history is not re-written ("I left him before we started seeing each other.") Kicking her out and forcing her to face exposure all at once will wreak havoc on their affair.

Oh, and please expose to HR.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It's not sick or twisted. It's the feeling of empowerment when you take back control of your own destiny from her whims.

Don't let her blowback deter you, it's just her losing control of the situation. Like a five-year-old throwing a tantrum when they parent doesn't give in.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Primrose said:


> She's going to lose her cool on you. Expect that. By you giving her an ultimatum, she is no longer in control. She WILL choose the other guy at this point, which is why you need to hit both of them with exposure on both sides of their families. Exposure breaks up the fantasy that affair partners live in because now they are forced to face hard questions from people they care about. It also gives YOU the chance to make sure history is not re-written ("I left him before we started seeing each other.") Kicking her out and forcing her to face exposure all at once will wreak havoc on their affair.
> 
> Oh, and please expose to HR.


Excellent points.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Time it to suit you. Don't Go at this half assed.

Exposure confrontation should be planned out and do not tell her of your plans!!!!!!!!

You tip your hand before you have your ducks in a row she'll start emptying accounts etc.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Reconsider your offer of alimony. MANY states do not require/offer alimony. If you won't go visit an attorney to find out your rights, at least read up on the divorce laws of your state. Because she divorced once doesn't make her a pro. You need to know what YOUR rights are. She can say she will let you have the house, but when the divorce proceedings begin she'll want to split everything, including the equity from the house. 

Do not rely on her advice for YOUR future. Take charge. Get access to everything you can before it all blows up, if you can. Especially financial records, tax returns, bank accounts, savings...including kid savings accounts, car/boat/vehicle titles, ....everything you can think of.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You can't believe a word she says.

Nothing!!!!!


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

ch3mtrailinhaler said:


> In a sick, twisted way I'm eager to see the reaction. Just shut all cards and financial stuff off. Need to get silver out of house. That should do it.


She will deny it all, tell you he is just a friend helping her thru this "difficult" time and then try and spin it that your controlling, invading her privacy etc etc. The usual storyline out of the affair handbook. 

Stay in control no matter what and don't lose your cool. You'll rarely get the reaction you hope for in these situations.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

How far away does her other man live?


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Your plan is one of the most emasculating passive beta male plans I've ever heard. You need to man up right now and nip this sh*t in the bud. Be the leader of your family or it's all lost. Wives want to be led. You're not being the leader of your family so some other douche bag is stepping in. Shut this down now and hard.

EDIT to add: Just saw the rest of your posts. That is a much better plan. Handle this like the man of your house and your wife will knock it off. Trust me on this.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

You, my friend, are in line to being royally screwed by a "bold-headed" woman. 

First, blabbing and complaining now to HR may get her fired. You don't want that. You're on the hook for spousal support and child support if she's unemployed. You're already at a disadvantage because you're a man and the court and society are ready to **** you up to her advantage. Just the facts. 

Second, she's checked out -- women almost never check out unless they have made arrangements, have a place to land. You need to separate all finances, and protect any assets you have. She might be amiable about such things now, but wait until her boytoy coaches her, or her girl friends coach her. 

Third, hire a pit bull attorney. You are vulnerable -- and stop whining about how you could have been a better husband -- and you need to recognize this is a fight that will affect the rest of your life financially and through the kids.


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## GuacaColey (Sep 19, 2017)

Please, please listen to all of these people. They have given advice to countless of betrayed spouses and I have read countless stories and the only marriages who even stand a CHANCE at making it through are when the BS takes a strong, zero-tolerance stand against the WS and does not waiver in their determination. 

Being a nice guy, moving out, keeping your wive's secrets for her, waiting around for her to come home and choose you is a sure fire way to put the final nail in the coffin of your marriage. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## GuacaColey (Sep 19, 2017)

I'd also like to add (as a fellow bull-headed woman) many times we act that way because we are really wanting a man to lead us and reign us in because it makes us feel safe. 

You might be surprised how your wife acts when you equip those brass balls and tell her to get with the program or kick rocks.

If she bails, you really haven't lost anything because she wants to leave you anyways. And you'll at least have your dignity. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I guess that the only thing you did not pick up in those third world countries is how to be an alpha man. You know, they abound there for you to have rubbed a little of it.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Expose the affair.

Wallpaper the world with it.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

If I was in your shoes I would be the one that moves out. Move out go no contact for 2-3 weeks act indifferent about the marriage. After that act like you want a divorce just as a bluff for a few weeks turn the table. Act like your the one that has this new freedom. Maybe she have a change in her heart.
Senerio 2 she moves out game over it ends in divorce.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Bluffing that you want a divorce and acting distant simply in the hopes of illiciting a permanent change in the behavior of your partner is a complete and utter waste of time. 

It doesn't work. 

Its rather appalling to see this sort of advice offered in a place other than a junior high school study hall.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, she didn’t take some random out-of-town trip just to go play pinochle ~ I think that she was was more likely in a motel room boudoir playing with some other dudes “pee-knuckle!”

You don’t text someone of the opposite sex some 150+ times unless you’ve already been intimate with them, or at least entertaining doing it with them; or are some hormone crazed teenager!*


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> You don’t text someone of the opposite sex some 150+ times unless you’ve already been intimate with them or are a teenager![/COLOR][/B]


It happens. My sister (late 50s) is single again after her first post divorce relationship crashed.

She meets a guy online and texts back and forth with him 100s of times before they actually meet in person. 

She's a mess.


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

So what happened to this guy?


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Edmund said:


> So what happened to this guy?


Thread when necro.

No one can force anyone else to follow up.

Look at how long it took "rualst" to return. All of these threads are about life's journeys and how difficult it is to accept the truth about our spouses and ourselves.


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