# Had a huge blowup over last weekend



## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

I caught the WS in another set of white lies Saturday night. I know I said that I'm getting over the anger in another thread, but I'm not. I finally lost it...

I told her I was sick of her petty bull****, and all the games. We had a custom photo album with our names on it with the wedding date - I took a hammer to it and smashed the **** out of it. I took all the wedding photos I could find on the first floor and destroyed them, all while saying "look at what you've done to this marriage!"

I then threw out all of her clothes out of her dresser and told her to get the **** out. Also emptied her closet and threw all her stuff out. She didn't want to leave, so I actually started to pack my **** and leave at 6am, and a neighbor saw this. WS followed me out the door, saw the neighbor in a nightie (yeah, not a good thing but I have no relationship with her), and went immediately downstairs and left. I drove for a minute, then went back as I was too tired to do anything. Slept, woke at 8:30am, we talked for a moment about what happened, but I didn't want to be around her anymore and left. Went to starbucks, then to my divorce group.

Haven't spoken to or seen her since. Now she's been texting me the past 2 days, asking how I'm doing. I haven't responded at all. Should I even bother?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't respond. Go completely dark on her.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

It was the first time that I've truly lashed out on Saturday. I did not touch her at all for those who are wondering. I guess it was a 2 month's worth of bottled up feelings finally being let out. As for the starbucks thing, I don't even drink coffee! I just wanted to get away.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

You have to be careful. She now has all the ammo she needs to file a domestic violence restraining order against you. All she has to do is take a picture of what was done and go and file. You will be evicted via a restraining order and forced to pay all the bills while you are on the street. For your sake, please don't lose your temper in front of her again. If she has a good lawyer or toxic friend you may be in for some trouble. This is a common tactic and once she has the order you are toast on your settlement. Please think twice before losing your temper again. Bad move. And yes as stated above, go dark on her for your sanity.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Do you go to the gym? Might as well get fit while expending all those emotions.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> You have to be careful. She now has all the ammo she needs to file a domestic violence restraining order against you. All she has to do is take a picture of what was done and go and file. You will be evicted via a restraining order and forced to pay all the bills while you are on the street. For your sake, please don't lose your temper in front of her again. If she has a good lawyer or toxic friend you may be in for some trouble. This is a common tactic and once she has the order you are toast on your settlement. Please think twice before losing your temper again. Bad move. And yes as stated above, go dark on her for your sanity.





Matt1720 said:


> Do you go to the gym? Might as well get fit while expending all those emotions.


Yeah, I go to the gym regularly. And being evicted? I was already out of the house and living separately, but I have free reign of the house. Right now, I don't even want to stay there anymore. My gas tank for making this work is really low, and right now I don't even want to bother.

And I guess I should say that something happened to me on Sunday, that had nothing to do with my marriage. A good thing, which made me actually stop thinking about my wife for a couple of nights.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

You gotta keep this under control. Are there children involved?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

AE, buy a sand bag and punch that next time. Never let your anger onto things that can bite you in the a55 later on.

As for the last thing you said, I hope you didn't have a revenge affair.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

It doesn't matter where you are living. A DV R/O will require you to pay max spousal support. In other words, you will be paying the mortgage and all the bills at your wife's house which I am assuming you co-own with her and your own bills. Yes, the R/O can even be used as a cruel form of property settlement agreement that you will pay dearly for down the road. Moral of the story is find a better way to take out your anger. What you did fits the legal definition of spousal abuse. Just saying be careful and watch your six.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

No children, and no revenge affair. I just found someone who I can talk to without any bias. 

Let me just say that I've never broken anything in my life. I'm always calm, cool and collected - but I just had enough. I'm not going to hit her, but I took it out on our wedding photos because I felt like that was the only thing I could take it out on that would affect her in some way. She did nothing to stop me, but I could tell that she felt guilty for it. The pictures can always be reprinted.

As for any future settlement in divorce, we are split down the line 50/50. No one person has any true advantage in getting alimony, and the money we would get from the sale of the household is pretty inconsequential due to the housing market.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> You have to be careful. She now has all the ammo she needs to file a domestic violence restraining order against you. All she has to do is take a picture of what was done and go and file. You will be evicted via a restraining order and forced to pay all the bills while you are on the street. For your sake, please don't lose your temper in front of her again. If she has a good lawyer or toxic friend you may be in for some trouble. This is a common tactic and once she has the order you are toast on your settlement. Please think twice before losing your temper again. Bad move. And yes as stated above, go dark on her for your sanity.


Yup. Right now she's being all nice and trying to make up (while still carrying on and lying). Once she realizes it's over, everything she can use against you she will use against you and it's easy for a woman to get a restraining order nowadays and you've given her plenty with those outbursts.

I don't agree you are toast on your settlement, eventually you'll get your share of marital proceeds but you'll find yourself kicked out of your house without access to your possessions if she files that restraining order and it's a very traumatic experience that throws you for a loop just when you need to be at the top of your game so you can mount the fight of your life.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Before this, what was the longest time period you went dark on her?


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

2 weeks. Yeah, I suck at not sticking to my guns. But I plan to this time.

And she just texted me again with '???????'. HAHA! I love it. Still not going to respond.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How about responding back about selling the house or refinancing it to her name? But nothing about the weekend.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

AlterEgoist said:


> 2 weeks. Yeah, I suck at not sticking to my guns. But I plan to this time.
> 
> And she just texted me again with '???????'. HAHA! I love it. Still not going to respond.


You love it because you're ignoring her texts and you feel like you've got some power and control? Dude she's f^&king other men and lying to your face. She sees this as nothing more than another temper tantrum, you'll get over it, you'll be sorry for it just like you were every time before. She has no reason to think otherwise.

Sorry but at the moment, she's winning.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

donders said:


> You love it because you're ignoring her texts and you feel like you've got some power and control? Dude she's f^&king other men and lying to your face. She sees this as nothing more than another temper tantrum, you'll get over it, you'll be sorry for it just like you were every time before. She has no reason to think otherwise.
> 
> Sorry but at the moment, she's winning.


So if I do respond, she'll see it all as having her cake and being able to eat it too. Either way, it's a no win situation. It's part of what I CAN control, and I will respond to her as I see fit. If she wants, she knows where I'm staying. She can show up there if she really wants to know how I'm doing.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

AlterEgoist said:


> So if I do respond, she'll see it all as having her cake and being able to eat it too. Either way, it's a no win situation. It's part of what I CAN control, and I will respond to her as I see fit. If she wants, she knows where I'm staying. She can show up there if she really wants to know how I'm doing.


I agree that your current situation is no win.

Which is why you need to think outside the box. 

Way outside the box. As in, a lot more than just ignoring her texts and patting yourself on the back for finally getting one over on her.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

Oh, is that how it looks? I'm not really patting myself on the back. 
It's just that now it feels like she's reacting to whatever I do, as opposed to the other times where I was reacting to whatever she does.

Either way, I am sorry for destroying the wedding photos, but I am not sorry for finally letting my emotions out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

AlterEgoist said:


> So if I do respond, she'll see it all as having her cake and being able to eat it too. Either way, it's a no win situation. It's part of what I CAN control, and I will respond to her as I see fit. If she wants, she knows where I'm staying. She can show up there if she really wants to know how I'm doing.


The only way you are going to get any control over the situation is to accept the fact that your marriage may be over. Resign yourself to it, then if things work out and she comes to her senses then so much the better. You should take the time now to file for divorce and have her served if you have not done so. 

Doing so might straighten her up, or it might not. But at least you will be farther ahead in the process if she is not serious about R.

This is the only way you are going to get out of this limbo.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

AlterEgoist said:


> Oh, is that how it looks? I'm not really patting myself on the back.
> It's just that now it feels like she's reacting to whatever I do, as opposed to the other times where I was reacting to whatever she does.
> 
> Either way, I am sorry for destroying the wedding photos, but I am not sorry for finally letting my emotions out.


Needs to be done in a constructive manner that doesn't put the rest of your life at risk.


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