# If you could write a letter....



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

to the OM or OW what would you say? 

A little history: My husband met a woman on one of those FB games that he's become very good "friends" with. She lives in another country so isn't a threat physically. When I first found out they were sending messages back and forth I was livid. I thought that they were too "friendly" and asked him to stop talking with her. One day when I saw her online (I was logged into his account) I told her to stay away from him on FB. He stopped chatting w/her but then I found international text charges on our phone bill and completely flipped out. I asked him to text her and tell her that he couldn't keep in touch with her anymore. He then went and created a new FB account just so they could keep in touch. This all started in October of 2009. Fast forward to June of this year when I found some very X-rated messages in his FB in box on his phone. This is when he flipped out because I was "snooping" and told me he wanted a divorce. I sent her a two liner thanking her for her part in the break up of my marriage which she promptly responded to by blocking me on FB. Didn't even have the courage to reply. back in any way. I so want to send her longer message expressing my real feelings about what she's caused....or at least her part in our break up and the pain it's caused me and the kids. I would also like to copy her husband who I've also found on FB. I need someone to either talk me off the ledge or give me the okay to tell that b*%&^ where to go.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I think your being ridiculous.
She is a symptom, not the problem.
Why are you blaming HER for YOUR husband corresponding with her? He knows he is married, and is responsible for his actions. She didn't force him to do anything. He obviously wanted to keep in contact with her, and there isn't anything you can do about it.

If you do anything, you should thank her for her part in this. Because she has helped prove that your husband is a dbag and you can do a h*ll of a lot better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Don't waste your time and energy on her. OM and OW are, by their very nature, pieces of sh__. It won't do any good. I would, however, let her husband know. He deserves to know what he is married to.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

You are not going to improve or fix your marriage by harrassing your husband or the OW. 

Have a calm, mature adult discussion with your husband and ask him why he needs to look for attention and love outside of the marriage and LISTEN to him. 

Having said this if you have been a good wife and he is just a ********* then you should have thanked the OW for exposing him and dropp him like a fat kid doing pullups.


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## voryn (Jun 13, 2011)

Yup, redirect your anger at the appropriate person your H. The OW is not winning any medals but the sole responsibility lies with your H. He had a choice, he made it and now he should have to deal with it. And you'll have to decide if you can live with it or if you'd rather be free of it.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

Are you going to try and keep ALL the women away from your husband? 

You may be able to keep this woman away, but it won't be long before he finds another one, then another, then another.

Sure ... KNOCK YOURSELF OUT and tell this woman where to go if your REALLY think that it's going to do any good!

Once you get tired of chasing all of the women away, then maybe you should consider the possibility of MAYBE the problem is with your husband? :scratchhead:


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I guess I'm just floored at the way people act, my husband included. I've never known him to be so slimy and his actions since becoming acquainted with FB and the Internet in general just sickens me. Yeah, I found smut mags laying around once or twice in the past, but over the last year he's turned to internet porn on a nightly basis then the messaging between him and this woman just creeps me out. How can someone I thought I knew so well turn into someone completely different almost over night? I breaks my heart.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

justabovewater said:


> I guess I'm just floored at the way people act, my husband included. I've never known him to be so slimy and his actions since becoming acquainted with FB and the Internet in general just sickens me. Yeah, I found smut mags laying around once or twice in the past, but over the last year he's turned to internet porn on a nightly basis then the messaging between him and this woman just creeps me out. How can someone I thought I knew so well turn into someone completely different almost over night? I breaks my heart.


A lot of us have been there.

There was a girl my husband talked to regularly on a chat site we both have accounts on and both enjoy. It turns out he had called her while i was working, was myspace friends with her, and she was a complete ego blow to me as far as physical looks go.

I talked to her myself, and she exposed some of his lies to me, and then proceeded to talk to me about how wonderful he is, how great they get along etc etc. I told her she needed to get over her anxieties and stop throwing herself into people who make her feel better and actually do something forherself instead of looking for surface level quick fixes. lol.

This should have been a red flag, on the list of things that I ignored I shouldn't have. 

In fact, this started happening in real life, and what i ended up accepting and realizing is that it wasn't these other girls who were the problem, it was my husband. I met his most recent conquest, I hate her, I hated meeting her, but it's not her fault. In fact, to answer your question..if I could tell her anything it would be this: "he's doing the same thing to you he did to me. He'll keep feeding you drugs, and carrying on with his insightful "understanding" and impress you with his poetic views, and ability to "control" people until he's completely manipulated you into being his little pet. You won't know he's doing it, and it will steal your youth from you. You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you, don't fall for it, don't let him, and don't give up the only thing in life you really have. He doesn't love you, he didn't love me, and he only truly loves himself"


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I did leave her a voice message.
"I love H with all my heart. I know you both think you are in love but the children and I want him with us. We love him and I know he and I could rebuild our love if you were not in the picture. Step away."


She didn't do it. She changed her phone number so I couldn't bug her anymore (little does she know, I found her new number, just never called her again). 

LOL.

I feel good about leaving the respectful but heart felt message (to lay on her conscious for all eternity if nothing else!)


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I wouldn't have done that.
Like everyone on here has told you, the person you should be upset with is your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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