# No Contact contract/agreement.



## verify (Jun 30, 2013)

My wife recently contacted a guy that she had an affair with 18 months ago.

I want to make a No Contact contract/agreement & ask her to sign it (at marriage guidance counselling).
Ideally, I'd like it to be legally binding (if that's possible).




Here's what I've come up with:


I _*her name*_ hereby swear that I will never again attempt to make contact with _*other man's name*_ in any way, shape or form.
Additionally, If _*other man's name*_ contacts me, in any way, shape or form, I will take immediate steps to inform my husband (_*my name*_), 
without replying to it, and will show my husband any and all written correspondence from _*other man's name*_ as soon as is reasonably possible.
I also swear that I will get full approval from my husband before replying to such correspondence.
In the event of having verbal correspondence, through a chance meeting, I will also take immediate steps to inform my husband as soon as is reasonably possible,
and the contents of any such verbal correspondence will be in keeping with my marital status.

I hereby acknowledge that if I break the agreement above, I give away all rights to be a part of the _*our surname*_ family, including the right to live in the family home (_*our address*_), 
and any maintenance payments arising from the breakdown of the marriage caused by the breaking of the above agreement.




I'd be grateful if anyone with any legal knowledge would help me to amend it.

Thanks in advance.
Verify.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My advice... If you want a legally binding document, talk to a lawyer in your area. Taking anonymous legal advice on the internet is mostly useless. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I didn't get that she'd recently reached out to him in your other thread. What was her stated purpose for doing so? Were you able to intercept the communication? Was it done via e-mail, phone call, or text? Does she know that you know about it?

And, honestly, any NC agreement to which she commits (and I don't think that she'll be at all likely to agree to the one that you've posted above, as it essentially amounts to a post-nup that heavily favors you) should be coupled by a NC letter sent to OM -- one that you are permitted to proofread and, if necessary, co-author to your liking.

Oh... and, since they work together (right?), she also needs to get a new job.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Not sure what you hope to gain by having it legally binding....if she is going to cheat she is going to cheat, a piece a paper is not going to stop her...if that was the case do you not think that your marriage license which also a legal document would have stopped her? her signing something is not going to peace of mind.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

verify said:


> My wife recently contacted a guy that she had an affair with 18 months ago.
> 
> I want to make a *No Contact contract/agreement & ask her to sign it *(at marriage guidance counselling).
> Ideally, I'd like it to be legally binding (if that's possible).
> ...


NC is a must after an A, and if you are in R she already know why is a must and the conscuences of broking it.

There is not such a thing like NC agreement for a spose to sign, at least legally.

If she already broke the NC maybe you should have another attitude.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Since she contacted him of her own free will, which means she wanted to contact him, then why would she sign such an agreement?


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## verify (Jun 30, 2013)

Wow!
Lots of swift responses.
Thanks guys.



*PBear*: Yep. You're probably right.



*GusPolinski*: 
It's halfway down page 2 of the other thread.
It begins: "_Just thought I'd come back & let you all know that you were right._"
The reason's that she gave was:
That she was "bored", "no spark" in our relationship, that she was testing to see if I had spyware on her phone, & some minor bullsh!t stuff.
I wasn't able to intercept the communication, but I could see that she was being cagey with her mobile, so I confronted her & she admitted it.
I think she will sign an agreement as it would prove/disprove what she currently claims (that she has no intention of ever contacting him again).
If she won't sign it - we split up now, rather than having me on a piece of string until she does it again.
If she does sign it, she knows that she’ll be kicked out if she contacts him.
That’s the theory anyway.

*Xenote*: The document is meant to say to her that;
If she contacts him again, she gets kicked out & has to pay her own way.
i.e. I won't be leaving her with the house & the kids, and paying her for the privilege.
It might not stop her, but it will make her realise that I'm not about to roll over & give her everything.
What I'm trying to say is that there will be consequences if she contacts him again, even to say "Hi".


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

To me an "oral agreement" between a husband and a wife should be sufficient.

She agreed not to contact him. Then she contacted him.

Nuff said.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I can't see a signed agreement doing any better than what you already had in place. Sounds like you are in false R. She is or will be going behind your back as soon as she figures out a method you cannot detect. 

If you want something official see if a post nup will work but you really need professional legal advice. 

You also need to enforce the boundaries you have established or you just look weak and undesirable. 

Good luck
Wd
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Judges won't decide custody on any agreement is what has been found here. Ask a lawyer.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Since she contacted him of her own free will, which means she wanted to contact him, then why would she sign such an agreement?


Or even if she did, why would she stick to it?

She has proven herself to be a betrayer. She will continue to be if she feels like it. 

IMHO, these things are nonsense.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Why is your wife bored? Do you still date and romance her? What kind of shape are you two in? 
Have you read mmslp linked to below?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

verify said:


> My wife recently contacted a guy that she had an affair with 18 months ago.
> 
> Verify.


Why didn't you throw her out?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Did you not have an oral agreement from her before to end contact?

If you did, then what this "contract" amounts to is you re-drawing the line in the sand. She needs a strong consequence and this contract idea is not that. In fact it makes you look weak IMHO.

She needs to believe that there is a real possibility that she will lose her husband because she broke no contact. The best way to do that is to see a lawyer and start the divorce process. Watch how she responds. Then make your decision whether to finalize the D, based on her remorse.

You don't need anything in writing.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

verify said:


> *Xenote*: The document is meant to say to her that;
> If she contacts him again, she gets kicked out & has to pay her own way.
> i.e. I won't be leaving her with the house & the kids, and paying her for the privilege.
> It might not stop her, but it will make her realise that I'm not about to roll over & give her everything.
> What I'm trying to say is that there will be consequences if she contacts him again, even to say "Hi".


What if anything did you tell her would happen if she contacted him before now?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon Verify
What are you hoping to achieve? Are you located in a jurisdiction with no-fault divorce? If so, then the contract will do nothing. If not, then you need to check on the laws in your jurisdiction .

Frankly though, if you think you need a legal contract to keep your wife faithful, maybe you should divorce now.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If she had an affair and you were in a R with her and she went ahead and contacted the OM again, rather then make her sign a worthless agreement that she isn't going to respect, then the only paper work I would shove under her nose would be the divorce papers that your attorney drew up and then I would give her a certain time limit to move out.

It's not like this was an accident. She knew full well what she was doing was wrong but did it any how so your agreement you drew up may as well be used a toilet paper.

She knows right from wrong and chooses wrong so make it right and show her that your through with her way and now it's your turn.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

She broke no contact and gave you a bunch of BS. She was fishing to see if the that POS had some interest.

This should be a deal breaker. I would not go down this road again


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

I got a better idea.... Write down yourself a contract and make her sign it as "visioned" saying this :

Due to my Wife's betrayment I no longer trust her.... and she once again contacted recently her lover. Therefore, since I no longer intend to live as a BS, any other further communications with OM will instantly stop MC and also my current unhappy marriage.

Signed by --------- and for taking vision signed by your wife.

Seriously.... YOU cant change a WW but YOU can change yourself by taking action. Tell her that you understand her conflict and that you are setting her free to resolve it


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

I got a better idea.... Write down yourself a contract and make her sign it as "visioned" saying this :

Due to my Wife's betrayment I no longer trust her.... and she once again contacted recently her lover. Therefore, since I no longer intend to live as a BS, any other further communications with OM will instantly stop MC and also my current unhappy marriage.

Signed by --------- and for taking vision signed by your wife.

Seriously.... YOU cant change a WW but YOU can change yourself by taking action. Tell her that you understand her conflict and that you are setting her free to resolve it


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

sorry for the double post...


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

She is not remorseful.

Tell her when she did make the contact, that you are finished with her. 

She can now leave and go live with him.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

She didn't respect you or your marriage when she had the affair, and she's not doing it during reconciliation.

I hate to be harsh, but at this point I think the only thing she'll listen to is hard consequences for her actions.

I recommend sitting down with a lawyer and serving her papers, and separating. If she wants to be in this she should prove to you that she's in this, with full transparency and zero contact. And full transparency and zero contact are non-negotiable.

As is an apology for breaching your trust. Yet again.

Doesn't mean that it necessarily ends in divorce, but might show to her that there are real consequences to her actions.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

N.C. letters can serve several purposes. In your case I am willing to wager that it will prove down the road that it meant nothing to her and she will contact the O.M. again.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

So when do you get the n*ts to do what's right and take action yourself.

What happens if she signs the agreement, then goes out all night and refuses to tell you where she went?

She seems fairly unremorseful with that excuse for contacting him and she is right, she is bored, because she's got it made, she knows there will be no consequences and doesn't have to do a smidgen of work towards trying to work on this marriage.

So what was the consequence of breaking NC?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

verify said:


> *GusPolinski*:
> It's halfway down page 2 of the other thread.
> It begins: "_Just thought I'd come back & let you all know that you were right._"
> The reason's that she gave was:
> ...


OK, found the post...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/93418-there-wifi-traffic-logger-2.html#post9282402

Make no mistake -- this was (and may very well still be) a full-on PA, and anything that she says to the contrary is a total f*cking lie. I mean come the f*ck on... they "tried to have sex, but it didn't work"...? Please tell me that you didn't believe that sh*t. Even if he couldn't get it up, you can bet your bottom dollar that a) there was at least oral and manual stimulation and b) there were multiple encounters.

Aaaaand to top it all off, she's broken NC... *MULTIPLE TIMES*. Oh, and she still works w/ OM (right?).

If she truly wanted to reconcile, she'd be doing at least something (and of her own volition) to prove it to you: _she'd have fully committed to NC_, she'd have found a new job, she'd be scouring sites like TAM to find resources that she could use to help you to heal, etc. Is she doing or has she done any of this? From what I've read, no.

Honestly I'm not sure I'd bother giving her anything other than divorce papers at this point.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Ah yes. They tried to have sex but it didn't work. That was a good one.

The only thing that doesn't work are her morals.

Divorce. Papers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

verify said:


> Wow!
> Lots of swift responses.
> Thanks guys.
> 
> ...


I don't know your full story, I'll have to look into it.

But I'd venture to guess she already made that promise...before reaching out to him THIS time, am I right?

You need stronger consequences. I wouldn't bother with a NC agreement...now. She already should have had that boundary. The question is what is the consequences to breaking the PREVIOUS agreement?


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon Verify
> What are you hoping to achieve? Are you located in a jurisdiction with no-fault divorce? If so, then the contract will do nothing. If not, then you need to check on the laws in your jurisdiction .
> 
> Frankly though, if you think you need a legal contract to keep your wife faithful, maybe you should divorce now.



I dunno. If he's planning on spending much more time with her, a post-nuptial agreement might be handly 

That way, when he divorces her...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FromEurope said:


> sorry for the double post...


Do you know that you can delete posts?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

She broke NC, so she broke one of your boundries. What you are proposing is drawing another line in the sand and hoping she goes for it. 

By all means consult a lawyer, a divorce lawyer. If you want to take one last stab at saving the marriage have them draw up 2 documenets:

1.) A post nuptual agreement. One where she confesses her infidelity and agrees to the timing of when that started. She agrees to forfiet any portion of the marital property that your lawyer thinks would be legally binding in such situations as the law may allow in your jurisdiction. 
2.) A judment for divorce that includes the parenting plan and division of assets that would be legally binding assuming she isn't going to forfiet her rights.

Present her with both and ask her to sign one or the other. If she refuses to sign either, then file for D and go the route of the courts.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Acoa said:


> What you are proposing is drawing another line in the sand and hoping she goes for it.


If you are going to draw another "red line" get it from an attorney who has done this kind of thing before. They are busting prenup/postnups up left and right these days for the stupidest little technicality.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

What you really want is a post-nuptial agreement. I highly doubt any judge would accept what you have written and therefore need to see an attorney. However, before you spend the money, what are you prepared to do if she does not sign the agreement? If you are prepared to file for divorce, then it is a mute point.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

VFW said:


> What you really want is a post-nuptial agreement. I highly doubt any judge would accept what you have written and therefore need to see an attorney. However, before you spend the money, what are you prepared to do if she does not sign the agreement? If you are prepared to file for divorce, then it is a mute point.


Many post-nups aren't worth the paper that they're printed on (at least in a lot of places), and it seems that many pre-nups are being tossed out these days as well.

Having said that, I'd definitely ask an attorney about it.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It gets expensive.

She'll need to get her own separate legal rep or advice. This will give the agreement more weight in court.

But how do you enforce the agreement if she does break NC again? Who pays the money for that enforcement?


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## verify (Jun 30, 2013)

OMG!
So many answers.
Thanks guys.

*General*
Originally, I thought that it was an EA (no physical contact).
I only knew that they had exchanged sordid messages, & that she wasn't happy with our relationship.
We went for counselling & she had a valid reason for seeking the attention of another man (she wasn't getting any from me) i.e. I was a bad husband.
No. Really. I was a bad husband and father.
Not violence or anything. Just neglect.
I changed all the bad things about my character & changed all the things that she, & the counsellor, said that I needed to change.
8 months after the event, she finally admitted having had physical contact with him once, although it was "just a kiss & a cuddle".
The next day, I pressed her on this issue & she admitted that they "_tried to have sex, but it didn't work_".

When I told my story in this forum, people said that she would probably do it again as there had been no consequences/repercussions for her.
The only consequences were that I had rewarded her by changing my ways.
Those people were right - she contacted him again a couple of months ago & flirted with him.
The only consequences that time were that I left home.
She was remorseful & talked me into coming home.

So ... I want the threat of repercussions/consequences (should it happen again) putting down in black and white, so that she can't make out that it was "a silly mistake" in future.
i.e. If it happens again, she won't be all snug & cosy in the family home, with our kids & receiving money from me for upkeep - while I move to a grotty bed-sit eating beans out of a tin - when I've done nothing wrong.
I'm trying to let her know that the roles would be reversed.
If she won't sign the agreement, we split now, as it would show that she doesn't intend to keep to her word.

People here keep saying that there should be repercussions for her actions & I should enforce the boundaries, but how?
As I've tried to explain: If we split, she gets to stay in the family home (at least temporarily) with the kids, getting money from me for upkeep & she would have the ability to see OM to boot.
Those are not repercussions, they're rewards.
I can't think of anything other that this NC agreement. What else can I do???


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Chaparral said:


> Why is your wife bored? Do you still date and romance her? What kind of shape are you two in?
> Have you read mmslp linked to below?


If you watched us with hidden cameras, you'd think that our relationship was first rate.
We kiss, hug, cuddle, touch, hold hands & do things together & for each other. (things are great)
+
I'm 2/3 of the way through mmslp, as I mentioned in my other thread.

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badmemory said:


> The best way to do that is to see a lawyer and start the divorce process. Watch how she responds. Then make your decision whether to finalize the D, based on her remorse.


Thank you. That sounds like a good idea.


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Acoa said:


> If you want to take one last stab at saving the marriage have them draw up 2 documenets:
> 
> 1.) A post nuptual agreement. One where she confesses her infidelity and agrees to the timing of when that started. She agrees to forfiet any portion of the marital property that your lawyer thinks would be legally binding in such situations as the law may allow in your jurisdiction.
> 2.) A judment for divorce that includes the parenting plan and division of assets that would be legally binding assuming she isn't going to forfiet her rights.
> ...


Thank you. That sounds like a good idea too.
I'll need to speak to someone about that, as I have no idea about post nuptial agreements & judgments for divorce.
It's stuff I know nothing about


----------------------------


*General*
The only other thing that I can think of, bearing in mind that our relationship is so good at the moment & the time for repercussions was 2 months ago, is;
to make a vague threat of what will happen if she does it again.
Something along the lines of:
"_In the past, there have been no repercussions for your betrayals for either you or him. If it happens again, not only will we be divorcing, but there will be retribution for both of you.
I'm not saying what that will be, but neither of you will be very happy about it._"
(in a typically British understatement type of way)



Thanks again everyone.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What an awful way to live. Sorry man.

She will sign the agreement, and then carry in business as usual. She knows you are afraid to give her actual consequences. I hear what you are saying- she will get a disproportionality large share of assets/custody. Probably right, a good lawyer can help you in this area. But at least it gets this huge weight off your shoulders. I would rather be eating beans out of a can than be eating the sh!t my wife feeds me.

She will sign, carry on business as usual. She will be much more careful with texts emails phone calls going forward. You will believe everything is great. And I'm still not confident you have the full extent of her affair. And until you have full disclosure you cannot heal properly. I hope I'm wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You were trickled truthed three times, minimum.

1. It was just an EA
2. It was just a kiss and a cuddle
3. We tried sex but it didn't work

She brought you right up to the point of no return on admission number 3, but now you are confident you have the full truth?

And you were neglectful and fixed all those issues? Maybe you were maybe you weren't. It was no excuse for her to cheat. What some call neglectful others call working hard to support a family. So yeah maybe you weren't around as much as you should have been, but it is then retroactively used as an excuse to justify her wayward behaviours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Do you know that you can delete posts?


 i would be thankful to know how :scratchhead:


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

verify said:


> OMG!
> 
> So many answers.
> 
> ...



Don't be vague and don't understate it. I didn't have my STBX sign anything. But I did give her a very clear message. I told her that right after Dday 1 was the time to come clean with all the details. If she didn't, and more came out later we would be over. I told her this, in private, in MC and in a letter I wrote to her. Even after Dday 2 she acknowledges that she received that message. She just didn't believe I would carry it through. She thought she could beg me and I'd cave and forgive her. Which of course I did not. 

She keeps crossing your boundaries and you only respond with more threats. Is this one real? How do you show her that you mean business this time?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

What is your self respect worth. 

Sounds like you had a crap counselor who justified your wife's affair and blamed you. 

Ask your wife if the counselor knew the affair was physical. Just curious but now you know who not to see for mc should you ever need a counselor again. 

She tried to have sex but couldn't. Your trying to reconcile but can't. 

Her story doesn't pass the sniff test. It is too full of crap. 



Get tested for stds. She is still lying. 

I haven't read all of your posts did you expose them both post him on cheaterville?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Put the posom on cheaterville and send her the link, him too. Thats only fair. Tell her if she cheats again she goes on cheaterville with him. They can be internet stars together.

Write out your post nup and make it look legal. She wont know its not enforceable most likely. If she wont sign it follow your plan.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You do understand cheaterville isnt the big problem, right? The big problem is google. They rat him out everytime someone googles his name. Other sites pick him up too.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Cheaterville for the OM is all well and good, but it's OP wife that keeps contacting him. Who is pursuing who?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

verify said:


> My wife recently contacted a guy that she had an affair with 18 months ago.
> 
> I want to make a No Contact contract/agreement & ask her to sign it (at marriage guidance counselling).
> Ideally, I'd like it to be legally binding (if that's possible).
> ...


18 months of false R and you're worrying about wording an NC document? Didn't you already try the NC thing, and wasn't that a deal breaker that would initiate divorce proceedings? Breaking a legal document will probably just increase the thrill for her... You can't make her stop cheating with a legal document, you already have one of those it's called a marriage certificate... she ignored that one, what makes you think she'll care about this one??


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

The one thing I have learned is you need to be swift and take action. She has had no downside from anything yet. File for D, you do not have to go through with it but she needs to know that you are not a doormat

She looks at you as a safety net. You need to be the alpha start the 180


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

verify said:


> People here keep saying that there should be repercussions for her actions & I should enforce the boundaries, but how?
> As I've tried to explain: If we split, she gets to stay in the family home (at least temporarily) with the kids, getting money from me for upkeep & she would have the ability to see OM to boot.
> Those are not repercussions, they're rewards.
> I can't think of anything other that this NC agreement. What else can I do???


You see, that's the problem with giving third and fourth chances to a cheater. You run out of options for meaningful consequences - other than actually divorcing her.

As I mentioned before, short of actually leaving her; I believe the next best thing to do is to file for D and then make a final decision weeks or months later. Giving her the consequence of not knowing if she will lose her husband, and you time to consider how remorseful she is.

In regards to her considering divorce as a reward; If she doesn't value her marriage above the financial benefits of the divorce settlement, you've already lost her.

As for you; you wouldn't be the first BS who failed to pull the trigger on D due to financial/children concerns. As unfair as it seems to the BS, it's often the case they get shafted in the process. That's why hiring a good attorney is so important. 

But I think that many BS's in your situation come to realize that paying the price for D was well worth it in the long run and that the children are better off as well.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IMO, what really needs to happen is that YOU go to a lawyer, have him draw up a legally binding (tough to do) postnup agreement, hand it to her, tell her you have an appointment tomorrow morning to have her go in and sign it with you and a witness, and that if she refuses to sign it, you're moving forward with divorce. The house will be sold on the cheap, you'll be filing for full custody, and you will freeze all assets until the divorce is final.

NO NEGOTIATION. This is her third and final chance to KEEP you.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

"Run the other man off", "Force her into a post nep contract", "make her sign a no contact letter", "let her know you're keeping tabs on her activity", "file for divorce to get her attention". Who the hell taught you guys how to keep and properly care for and feed a woman?

At the risk to sounding condescending and like Im talking to all guys, I'm going to give you one universal rule that, if you break it, will always result in a sub-par relationship and you living with suspicion, worry, and drama. (some guys have isolated this rule, successfully applied it, and are better off for it.) To say its simple is an outrageous understatement. 

Here's the rule. _Never try to keep a woman who doesn't want to be with you._ 

This site is full of guys, like Verify, who are constantly jumping through hoops, having their attorneys and MC on speed dial, and others with a plethora of recommendation on how to keep her corralled. At some point you need to ask yourself, "is keep someone around who rather be someplace else and with somebody else worth the hell I'm putting myself through?"


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> "Run the other man off", "Force her into a post nep contract", "make her sign a no contact letter", "let her know you're keeping tabs on her activity", "file for divorce to get her attention". Who the hell taught you guys how to keep and properly care for and feed a woman?
> 
> At the risk to sounding condescending and like Im talking to all guys, I'm going to give you one universal rule that, if you break it, will always result in a sub-par relationship and you living with suspicion, worry, and drama. (some guys have isolated this rule, successfully applied it, and are better off for it.) To say its simple is an outrageous understatement.
> 
> ...


I agree.

My thought on trying to force her to sign a contract or a post-nup, is that though she may agree to it, it really doesn't test her true remorse; and it may well leave lingering resentment which makes the R all the more difficult. It's as if the BS wants to control her with contractual punishment to avoid facing the reality of the situation.

Filing for divorce is a decision that any BS should make with an expectation that it will go through; not as something that will get her attention. Just make the decision to D and keep going forward with it. Use the time it takes to D, to see if the WS can change your mind. But "expect" that it won't happen.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think that Verify wants a post-nup, with "non-contact" as one of the clauses of the document. If he posted it based on that, I think he'd get much more supportive answers...

However, the fact that she's already demonstrated a lack of remorse or desire to truly reconcile (by contacting the OM) would make her a poor candidate for trying again, which a lot of us are saying. For her to claim "oh, I didn't know that wasn't acceptable" is a kick in the junk. IMHO. 

Again, your best bet is to talk to a lawyer, but just talk about a post-nup and how it can be handled. Go in there with a list of your boundaries, and see if they can be included effectively. Being TOO specific about what's acceptable can be a fail as well, as then anything NOT on the list would be considered acceptable. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

verify...you realize what she did...you stated no contact and then contacted him...she tested the water to see if you had any bite....on some level she was baiting you....the question was why was she baiting you....to see if you were really watching her? she was testing to see what she could get away with...almost like a game....be careful


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ThePheonix said:


> "Run the other man off", "Force her into a post nep contract", "make her sign a no contact letter", "let her know you're keeping tabs on her activity", "file for divorce to get her attention". Who the hell taught you guys how to keep and properly care for and feed a woman?
> 
> At the risk to sounding condescending and like Im talking to all guys, I'm going to give you one universal rule that, if you break it, will always result in a sub-par relationship and you living with suspicion, worry, and drama. (some guys have isolated this rule, successfully applied it, and are better off for it.) To say its simple is an outrageous understatement.
> 
> ...


Well, that's what the postnup is for. She's free to screw up and cheat. And he is then free to kick her lying ass out and keep all the money.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Xenote said:


> verify...you realize what she did...you stated no contact and then contacted him...she tested the water to see if you had any bite....on some level she was baiting you....the question was why was she baiting you....to see if you were really watching her? she was testing to see what she could get away with...almost like a game....be careful


Very much so. The ball is in your hands and you either show strength or you cave. And you'l get what you deserve from that choice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FromEurope said:


> i would be thankful to know how :scratchhead:


Go to the post you want to delete. Click on the "Edit" button.

When edit opens up, there are four buttons: "Save", "Go Advanced", "Delete," "Cancel"

Click on "Delete". It will open the delete window. Click that you really want to delete the post and then delete it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> Well, that's what the postnup is for. She's free to screw up and cheat. And he is then free to kick her lying ass out and keep all the money.


She has no reason to sign the postnup giving him everything. Any attorney would advise her not to. So it's not going to work.

By law he cannot kick her out of the family home without a court order and by law she is entitled to half of all marital assets. He cannot unilaterally change this.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That's the whole point of postnups, Ele. The BS saying "I'm going to divorce you unless you're willing to prove to me that you're done cheating, by agreeing to walk away with nothing if I catch you cheating again." As I said, they're hard to do right, many DO get thrown out. But if he's ready to walk if she won't do it, then her saying yes or no to it will give him his answer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> That's the whole point of postnups, Ele. The BS saying "I'm going to divorce you unless you're willing to prove to me that you're done cheating, by agreeing to walk away with nothing if I catch you cheating again." As I said, they're hard to do right, many DO get thrown out. But if he's ready to walk if she won't do it, then her saying yes or no to it will give him his answer.


I agree that this is one of the reasons that someone might ask for a postnup. But few people would sign one.

The OP's wife does not seem to care if they stay married or not so I doubt that the threat of divorce is a motivator for her.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

turnera said:


> As I said, they're hard to do right, many DO get thrown out. But if he's ready to walk if she won't do it, then her saying yes or no to it will give him his answer.


She'd be nuts to sign it. If he divorces because she refuses, its, back to square one with the courts doling out the assets. Besides, most guys have taken so much crap already, their old lady knows its an idle threat. (There's no cheating involved but if my old lady came to me with the idea of signing a postnup I'd tell her to go piss up a rope.) 
In any case, postnups give a false sense of security. Its still the discretion of the courts who gets what and they ain't likely to let someone who helped put assets on the balance sheet walk away with nothing. Look at some prior cases. 

But regardless, if some cat wants to stay with a woman who they have bind up contractually and financially to keep her from sleeping with other guys, its their choice.


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## BoozeBaron (Aug 29, 2014)

Not to hijack the OP thread - but am a newbie here (to this forum) and registered, b/c I have a complex scenario with my S.O. of 2-3 yrs that lives abroad - that may involve a 'contract' of sorts in near the future - Dunno? (hence the search for advice)

I did search around here using "pre-nups" and "contracts" and can't really find a section (within the forum) to post my question.

Anyway, I saw this post about this 'contract' under "Coping with infidelity".... and obviously this isn't the place for me to ask about legal stuff - So I am open to suggestions from any exiting members or mods as to where I should post Q's of that nature?

Thanks - 

BB

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

What a horrible woman! She was bored, no sparks? I would light a firecracker and shove it in her hand or throw it at her feet, goddamnit! (Please don't do that, just sarcasm). I would serve her more than a NC letter, how's about some divorce papers? What has she done to prevent your boredom and lack of sparks? Marriage isn't a one-way street.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Pre-nuptial and Post-nuptial Agreements in the UK – What You Need to Know | PRINCE EVANS SOLICITORS LLP


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Pre-nuptial and Post-nuptial Agreements in the UK – What You Need to Know | PRINCE EVANS SOLICITORS LLP


Whatever you do, do not trust these solicitors - they are awful (I know them personally). Based in Ealing, London. Being sued for professional negligence currently.

Do not trust anything they say!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> Whatever you do, do not trust these solicitors - they are awful (I know them personally). Based in Ealing, London. Being sued for professional negligence currently.
> 
> Do not trust anything they say!


Whoops.

Just one of the first ones I saw. There are plenty of others for advice, google is your friend.

I think the overriding guideline for both Britain and America is that any post nuptial agreement is seen to be 'fair'.
For instance a WS who in the depths of their shame, sorrow and grief for the way they have treated their spouse may indeed sign away the rights to everything but later in life if the marriage fails that agreement could be amended by the courts.

Likewise an agreement can be entered into fraudulently when the person benefitting from the agreement could be shown to have entered into the agreement fully expecting to divorce anyway, and would likely be declared null and void.


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