# Too much sex? And his penis hurts.



## ashlynn1 (Mar 1, 2012)

I've been married to my husband for almost 8 years now and our relationship is great but, there are a few issues that have been bothering me for quite some time and I need advice.

My husband came into our marriage as a virgin and the beginning was a bit rocky because I had to "teach" him everything. The first few years I was more of the dominant one in the bedroom and he would follow- soon enough he felt confident and started to initiate the sex and took more control.

Now, he's taking everything to the extreme and it's getting pretty painful and exhausting. He wants sex in the morning (before work), in the shower, after work and maybe a few times before bed and it's come to the point where I can't properly get errands/work done because I'm too "tired".

What makes it even worse is that he has a very large penis and it hurts (even more when I'm not in the mood). 

Also, I'm a bit concerned because we've been with each other for 8 years and I feel like I'm losing attraction and interest in him (I still love him dearly though; just don't want sex every breathing moment we have) but, he seems to be gaining more attraction and interest in me. I just find it a bit odd that he constantly wants sex even after being with me for so long- shouldn't the sex, attraction and interest be minimal by now?

I just feel like I'm his "sex object" and I don't like it. And no, I'm not just complaining out of the blue- it's been this way for 2-3 years now and I'm so tired and stressed over it.

Helpful advice is much appreciated.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

Multiple times each day may be a bit compulsive and you are to be applauded for accommodating such a partner. Perhaps there should be the consideration of _quality_ and not just _quantity_ or at least the opportunity for one partner to make such a case. These episodes must be quickies at best and your physical distress is evidence enough. You might find him to be much more attractive to you if your are communicating what you need from your lover and my guess is that will not be slam bam. Put something in it for him as well and try to lure him into deeper and richer experiences and sometimes the anticipation itself is part of that process.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What happens when you talk to him about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ashlynn1 (Mar 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> What happens when you talk to him about it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We have talked about it before but, once he's in the mood he totally blacks out. Like, I'll tell him to calm down and he'll go easy for a few seconds but then he goes back to what he's use to. 

I've also had to see our family doctor a few times because I had pain and bleeding due to the excessive sex. 

I just don't think he gets it.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Who are these people with sex addictions (multiple times per day) and don't realize there is an issue?:scratchhead:

Then others applauding how accommodating you are, even in pain and bleeding. Really you don't understand you are being used? And women encouraging spouses to have sex each and everytime your spouse demands it..... Are you from the 60's?

The more I read TAM, the more incredulous I am....


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

> *after work and maybe a few times before bed*


Yeah, that's a bit much.. hope you guys can get some help with this. I consider myself fairly HD and can count the number of times on one hand that we've done it more than once in the same day. Something is wrong with him; this is not normal behavior!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Is he 21???


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ashlynn1 said:


> We have talked about it before but, once he's in the mood he totally blacks out. Like, I'll tell him to calm down and he'll go easy for a few seconds but then he goes back to what he's use to.
> 
> I've also had to see our family doctor a few times because I had pain and bleeding due to the excessive sex.
> 
> I just don't think he gets it.


When he "blacks out", knee him in the nuts, and see if he gets it then. And what about talking to him about the multiple times a day?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ashlynn1 (Mar 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> When he "blacks out", knee him in the nuts, and see if he gets it then. And what about talking to him about the multiple times a day?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


His excuse is that he's just "too attracted" to me. Somehow, I think he has jealousy issues too but, I don't know if it has to do with the sex.


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## ashlynn1 (Mar 1, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Is he 21???


No, he's 32 and I'm 27.


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## ashlynn1 (Mar 1, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Who are these people with sex addictions (multiple times per day) and don't realize there is an issue?:scratchhead:
> 
> Then others applauding how accommodating you are, even in pain and bleeding. Really you don't understand you are being used? And women encouraging spouses to have sex each and everytime your spouse demands it..... Are you from the 60's?
> 
> The more I read TAM, the more incredulous I am....


To each their own and I'm asking for advice; not judgement.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

ashlynn1 said:


> To each their own and I'm asking for advice; not judgement.


I did advise..... Your Husband has an addiction and issues. He blacks out. He needs to see a professional and you need to stop giving into his addiction. It can't be enjoyable can it?????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, start saying no.

It's nice to be desired and I hope my sexlife never goes away...but his appetite for sex seems a little out of control. Well, a lot out of control.

Hubs and I are one a day people. maybe 2 or 3 if we don't have to work the next day. But...it's not a compulsion and it's never by demand.


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## ashlynn1 (Mar 1, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, start saying no.
> 
> It's nice to be desired and I hope my sexlife never goes away...but his appetite for sex seems a little out of control. Well, a lot out of control.
> 
> Hubs and I are one a day people. maybe 2 or 3 if we don't have to work the next day. But...it's not a compulsion and it's never by demand.



So lucky- I wouldn't complain if it were only one time at night. Well, the only plus side of this is that we've both lost a few pounds.

I wonder if having kids would slow him down?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ashlynn1 said:


> So lucky- I wouldn't complain if it were only one time at night. Well, the only plus side of this is that we've both lost a few pounds.
> 
> I wonder if having kids would slow him down?


I would STRONGLY recommend not having kids with him till you get this straightened out. Most likely result is you're more tired, and he's still a jackass.

Seriously, if my GF was aggressive to the point of bleeding and pain, we wouldn't be having sex anymore, or a relationship. And if she tried after I said no, she'd be thrown off the bed. I wasn't kidding about kneeing him in the nuts, BTW. 

C


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

In my opinion, it is okay to say "no" sometimes. Don't deprive him, but you need some recovery time, and he should be able to understand that without getting upset. My wife needs some recovery time, and that's fine.

As for whether or not the desire should drop: That's very individual. My wife and I have been married for 27 years, and I'm still as horny as I was when we first got married. I'm still VERY attracted to my wife, and sex with her is probably much more enjoyable than it was when I first got married - we're both much better now than we were when we were younger. Our frequency is very satisfying right now. 

Our drive has fluctuated throughout different stages of life (Lower when she was pregnant with our first child, she was wildly amorous when pregnant with our second, lower when breastfeeding, almost zero when she had a bout with depression, now, in our late 40's probably as high as when we were first married). I think you have to work together, and that includes him understanding that you have limits and can just get "sexed out" sometimes. That's not depriving him when you take time to recover so you can have good quality and good connection with him again the next time.

That's my 2 cents worth.


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## 9isFine (Mar 1, 2017)

Has anything changed medically, like is he on testosterone or steroids? You may also want to consider that there is some sort of psychological issue. He may have been rejected from sex by girls when he was young and my be trying to make up for it now. Personally, I would draw a line in the sand, but also try to be accommodating. Maybe you could assist him in masturbating or oral sex.


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