# Wife has too much stuff



## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

I've been trying to go through our house and get rid of a lot of stuff that just takes up space. I've gotten rid of some of my stuff, gone through the kids rooms and thrown out toys or donated them along with clothes. But the house is still a mess and it's all because of my wife. Our room looks horrible. Her clothes are hanging from the bedroom and bathroom doors, on the poles around our bed, on the bench in front of our bed and stacked in or on her two dressers. That's not counting all the clothes in our closet. Her bathroom sink is littered with jewelry and make-up. She also has several hobbies that include: jewelry making, beading, cross stitching and knitting. All the stuff for that is laying all around our living room and just taking up lots of space. I've tried talking to her about it and all I get is the run around about how she needs this and that, how she might do this project so she needs the stuff for it. I'm just not sure what to do about it. I was finally able to talk her into getting rid of a sewing machine she bought six years ago (along with a huge sewing table and all the stuff that went with it) that she used only once or twice and was just sitting along a wall in our living room. 

I understand she has these hobbies and don't mind them, but when I have six 40 gallon storage tubes filled with yarn stacked against a wall, I just feel like it's just a waste. Any idea's on how I can talk to her about this?


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Your 2 options are 1) be childish and 2) drugs

childish:
Start leaving power tools and extension cords everywhere to see if she gets the hint. Something about tangled extension cords laying around drives me crazy, so I assume other people are bothered by it too. 

drugs:
She might be a hoarder. Hoarding is considered a compulsive disorder. Serotonin has a million functions, and one of them is rational thought. Lack of serotonin makes people irrational. Example: I can't ask a girl on a date because she might say no. That's an irrational thought because it goes against the person's own best interest; they give up for no reason. Another example would be saving a typewriter ribbon even though I don't have a typewriter because _I might own one some day_. Another example would be building my house to withstand a hurricane even though I live hundreds of miles away from the coast and this city has never had a hurricane before.

The drugs given for compulsive disorders are the same as those given for most types of depression, mainly SSRIs and SNRIs.


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

borninapril said:


> I've been trying to go through our house and get rid of a lot of stuff that just takes up space. I've gotten rid of some of my stuff, gone through the kids rooms and thrown out toys or donated them along with clothes. But the house is still a mess and it's all because of my wife. Our room looks horrible. Her clothes are hanging from the bedroom and bathroom doors, on the poles around our bed, on the bench in front of our bed and stacked in or on her two dressers. That's not counting all the clothes in our closet. Her bathroom sink is littered with jewelry and make-up. She also has several hobbies that include: jewelry making, beading, cross stitching and knitting. All the stuff for that is laying all around our living room and just taking up lots of space. I've tried talking to her about it and all I get is the run around about how she needs this and that, how she might do this project so she needs the stuff for it. I'm just not sure what to do about it. I was finally able to talk her into getting rid of a sewing machine she bought six years ago (along with a huge sewing table and all the stuff that went with it) that she used only once or twice and was just sitting along a wall in our living room.
> 
> I understand she has these hobbies and don't mind them, but when I have six 40 gallon storage tubes filled with yarn stacked against a wall, I just feel like it's just a waste. Any idea's on how I can talk to her about this?


Sounds like she's a borderline hoarder and is probably not going to be able to do anything about it without professional help.

I know where you're coming from though. All of the personal stuff I own in the world (ignoring furniture) would fit in a small van. My wife's crap on the other hand takes up most of a 20ft shipping container when packed.

To answer your question though, I'd suggest a direct approach since you've already tried the subtle one. Something like 'I think that the amount of stuff you own is not directly linked to your hobby needs and you should stop using that as a reason for having it.'


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

I am boarerline hoarder im sure but I do not call myself that...Im a clutterer :rofl:

I have so much junk its unreal .I also know and see it more lately that I do have some OCD traits.(ie: locking the door,checking the stove and then going back 4-5 more times over the next hour to check again even though I know very well its ok but to not recheck drives me mad so I go)

About 6 months ago I suddenly got fed up with so much crap in the house and just started purging it.Not sure what the reason was that made me want to but im assuming the OCD part since I suddenly wanted nothing more than a clutter free house NOW! I started washing down things ( counters,floors etc) over and over and the thought of all the junk was making me feel disorganized and uncomfortable.

That being said.I CHOSE to get rid of it.If your wife is not wanting to you cannot make her,she needs to be ok with it or you are looking at huge arguement/fight.
My husband tried to get rid of my things and I was so mad.He would dump things without telling me as well...didn't go well.

I also needed to do sorting myself without help.Having help was infuriating since they would tell me what to keep and toss so I would give up and keep it all.

I found that once I thought about donating it and knew it was not going to the landfill it made decisions easier.Maybe you can convince or drop hints to her that she can donate the yarn to a seniors home,youth group,daycare etc. because they use these things and love the help.But ultimatley if she is not ready.....its not going without a fight and you may need professional help.

Just do not go to her in attack mode telling her she has to and talking down .Approach in a way that lets her stay in control and ultimatley that she is making the decision and you are there to help her....JMHO from experience. If she says something can go.....TAKE IT OUT RIGHT AWAY before she can think about it again.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

oh..as for the clothing.
I saw the coolest thing on Pinterest and LOVE it.Maybe you can see if she will try.

Take all the clothing and put it in the closet but hang the hangers backwards.Everytime you wear something hang it back in there properly and after 6 months whatever is still hanging backwards gets donated since it was never worn.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Call up that show HOARDERS and tell them to swing by one day


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

get a bigger house


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife has hoarder traits. I toss stuff out w/o mentioning it to her.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Like grenville and jellybeans say, A professional help is needed. 
If you already try to have a conversation with her about all this and she really know how it makes you feel, then yes, you guys need an organization professional.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> I do that and ony get caught about 10% of the time.
> 
> Wife does that to me (my old shirts).
> Funny but I always get in trouble when I get caught but when she gets caught,
> she always turns it around and it's my fault.


It's a public health hazard. The hounds cornered some squirrels in the garage eating through a pile of who knows what.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Almostrecovered said:


> get a bigger house


I was thinking the same thing! It worked for me.

She's not a hoarder, if she is willing to part with some of the items. Things I haven't used in a while get put on ebay. See if she is willing to do that.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

i'm a clutterer/ borderline hoarder too.

Most of my "craft" stuff is in one corner of our bedroom... or in the "spare" room. I always think I'll get going on it sometime. Whenever I have extra time. 

What do I do instead??? Gee, I'm here on the internet, burying myself in other ppls problems, so that I don't have to think about mine!... Spending time away from the responsibilities of cleaning my house!..

Sorry, I disagree with her "not being a hoarder if shes willing to part with some". My hubby made me give up my box collection. (Yes, empty boxes. Every size, just "incase".). I did give that up. I do give up some of old clothes that don't fit.. etc..
BUT, I know I'm still a hoarder in my heart. 
(Now, I only keep the small boxes & he doesn't know I have a drawer full of small boxes). But it's better than the whole room of empty boxes.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. Still not sure what I'll do. I'm pretty sure my wife not a hoarder, but she definitely has problems with buying too much stuff.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*I'm pretty sure my wife not a hoarder, but she definitely has problems with buying too much stuff. *

That's how hoarding starts... Hoarding is an emotional problem, as is buying too much stuff. Although "too much" is different to everyone. 

One way to "deal with it".... without actually solving THE issue, is to give her a "woman cave". A place just for her crafts and hobbies... the guest room, a corner in the basement, some place just for her. If nothing else, it solves YOUR problem by getting stuff out of sight. Of course, it may be up to you to do this for her, like present it to her as a gift just for her, and you may have to be the one to keep throwing her crap in there when it finds its way to other parts of the house.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> One way to "deal with it".... without actually solving THE issue, is to give her a "woman cave". A place just for her crafts and hobbies... the guest room, a corner in the basement, some place just for her. If nothing else, it solves YOUR problem by getting stuff out of sight. Of course, it may be up to you to do this for her, like present it to her as a gift just for her, and you may have to be the one to keep throwing her crap in there when it finds its way to other parts of the house.


This won't work. She'll fill that up then start storing stuff in shared parts of the house. I've seen this happen.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would imaging you might have better luck doing the reverse...maybe saying in respecting your own sanity, you really need 1 room in the house to remain clutter-free as a start.

If the bedroom is the room, then you can help by suggesting that she only hang onto the clothes that will fit in her closet and get rid of anything she hasn't worn in 6 months (as suggested above) to help her along...the deal with the 1 room should be that she agrees to live within the space in that 1 room and not move her stuff elsewhere in the home....baby steps I guess is what I am thinking  ... I am OCD and cannot stand clutter but grew up in a messy house with lots of clutter with some hoarding so what you are describing would make me nuts but I am sure throwing out her things would equally not work for her...good luck!


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Have your wife watch hoarders episodes for starters.

I know that I have hoarding tendencies. I have for some reason, incredibly irrational attachment to my items. When I start getting depressed, I start having an awful time with hoarding because the stupid little trinkets and odd pictures I never hang up, things I suddenly want to collect for "someday" usage bring with them a release of happy. "this makes me happy, I must have it, I can't get rid of it, because it makes me happy"

My memories are tied to certain objects, it was a real job for me to sit down and go through my childhood toys and only select a few to keep. (thank you for that donation of childhood grandma) I did it, but even afterwards I lamented and severely regretted getting rid of what I did chose to leave behind.

The thought of going through things to get rid of them is incredibly stressful for me, just to think about it. 

my house never looked like a "hoarders" house. I get what I call "clusterf!ck syndrome" and donate to the salvo, and I regularly and somewhat meticulously clean around my house. (I just have to go overboard about whatever I am cleaning and how I'm doing it and make sure no one is watching)

It's something to be conscious of, and if you wife is starting to feel overburdened with the items she has, it only makes it worse, because the overburden causes stress and discontent, which leads to more impulsive acquiring.

Seek professional help for her, and don't get overly pushy about it, or it will backfire, she needs to be able to let go and get rid of things at her own control.

I am not a nasty person, I never kept garbage all over my house, I am for the most part pretty normal, but I am also aware of my issues, and force myself to keep me in check. (I also have the self defeating irrationality mentioned earlier in the thread too)


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

I'm engaged to be married to a total neat freak. Not the kind of neat freak where everything has a place and everying in it's place as that's me. I'm one that has to have everything in it's place all the time.

When I'm finished with something, I put it back where it belongs. Him..he just leaves it lay, as the clutter builds and builds until he finally has to spend an entire day putting all of it away.

Many times he'll ask me, "Where is this? Where is that?"

My reply has finally become, "If you didn't put it where you found it..it's probably where you left it so don't ask me..." as he gets frustrated and has to go digging for it under the piles of things he's left laying around the house.

I'm one that can't stand clutter and for the most part, I'll pick it up before it gets that way. I guess you could call me his Felix Unger to Whatever his name was as I forget.

HOWEVER..my fiance is a total CLEAN freak!! We may as well live in a hospital as I'll clean...and he'll clean again after me...over and over and over again!! He'll actually go out and find the meanest..nastiest stuff he can find that I swear could take rust off of bumpers and buy it by the case just to prove that he can make our floors, bathtubs, etc., shine better than what I could.

As he says, "I'm not questioning your cleaning skills....I just think there's a product out there that can get them cleaner."

Great honey....if I could only SEE the floors while you don't mind all the clutter.

Pop cans, garbage, clothes, shoes. cigarette wrappers, etc. UGH!!

While visiting my dad, I told him he needed to smoke outside and while walking to our car, I counted at LEAST 15 cigarette butts laying on the ground which I proceeded to pick up.

His reply was, "Come on..get in the car.." and my reply was, "Not until I pick up all these gross butts...'

How the HELL can someone be such a clean freak yet be such a pig when it comes to clutter..along with throwing their cigarette butts all over the place??

BTW...yeah..he got a lecture..as he should have.


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## Stones (Dec 24, 2017)

Agree, giving some space is not the answer. If you give some space then the answer next time is again, more space. My wife wants to add on to our house because she does not have enough space for her stuff. She has more than 400 pairs of shoes, and enough cloths to fill a bedroom. Her answer to her spending and getting problem is to get more storage and and add on to the house. When you own more cloths than you could wear in a year, its a big problem.


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