# complicated marriage! how do I adjust



## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

So here I am after ages. Thought I will update about the situation which has changed a lot since my last post. The jerk i was attracted to has been thrown out of my life (by me). I admit, I went out on a wrong path and committed mistakes. I am very clear headed now and there is no scope of infedility anymore.

My husband and I are married for 7 years now. I have a 5 year old son whom we both love dearly. I was an engineer but left my job post baby. Now I am a housewife. Ours is a sexless marriage and we do not care much about each other just like other married couples. We have decided that we will continue the marriage and keep on staying together for the sake of my son. I do not earn and even if I do, I will not get much specially after 6 years of professional break. So I am dependent on him financially. The biggest factor I am staying with him as I can't stay without my son and need money for his better upbringing. I tried to talk to him many times about putting some effort into marriage but he is not ready to. He has lost faith completely in our marriage and is not ready to work out any solution. I can't convince him anymore. He doesn't even want to go to a counsellor. I want this to work and I am ready to put in efforts. But this can;t work one way. If he is not ready to put in any efforts, the marriage cannot work. he loves our son though very much and is ready to spend his life with me for his sake. 
I am just living with him only because I have no other option. If I would have been financially very stable, I might have filed the divorce by now. 
How do I cope with this situation. Counselling or talking to him is of no use.

I am in India and I don't know how many INdians are active here. But if there are any, probably they can understand that it is not easy to be a single mother with no money especially in a country like ours.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I would suggest going back to work NOW, even if you aren't making as much after a 6 year break. 

When your son grows up and moves on with his own life, you and your husband will be left staring at each other with no reason to stay together, and probably will be hating each other by then. You won't want to stay married, and at that point, you will have been out of work for 18 years and your job prospects will be sad.

Also, it's a terrible example to set for your son...a loveless and uncaring marriage where the parents are only there to raise a child, and where the mom would leave but feels trapped because she is unemployed, is what he will learn about what marriage is. It also puts a lot of pressure on your son as he is the only reason you are staying together.


----------



## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

thanks norajane. I am planning to start work soon and I know that will keep me busy and away from the ongoing stress. i know that will help for some time. BUt deep down I am a very emotional girl. I know its just a temporary way out. Emotionally I am very heart broken and I can;t cope with the fact that he doesn;t care about me and is not ready to find a solution.
I will start work soon.


----------



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Yeah - I'm with norajane. Staying married in a loveless marriage for the child is a waste of your life and teaches your child that loveless marriages are okay. However, having gone through my second divorce and now feeling the financial implications (in the U.S.) there is a part of me that thinks that if you and your husband essentially have a business arrangement and that works for you, then just resign yourself to the fact that its a business arrangement. HOWEVER, if your arrangement means that he can sleep around with other women and you don't have the same right to go outside the marriage for that kind of comfort, then you can have your business arrangement living in separate households. That's what legal divorce and separation are all about.


----------

