# How Often? I want the truth!



## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

I read many articles on how often married couples have sex. It seems the average is twice a week, but I can never figure out if they conduct these polls with folks who have young children around the house. My wife and I have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky, and only if I initiate. She tells me most couples with young children find time for intimacy only rarely. Everything sounds like a over-generalization these days. The real question is am I being deprived compared to the average guy in my situation? Do I have any right to feel resentful, or is that question itself way to subjective? Ugh.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Not sex per-se but we have sexual activities 4-5 times a week as parents of multiples in first grade.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

WadeWilson said:


> Not sex per-se but we have sexual activities 4-5 times a week as parents of multiples in first grade.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, that's impressive. Heck, every other day would be freakin' awesome. Intercourse isn't the be-all, end all, naturally. I'd be quite happy with...well, just about anything. But it's "I haven't taken a shower and I don't feel like taking one tonight". It's like her version of "not tonight honey I have a headache", although that's not unheard of here either.


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## pathwaystherapy (Sep 10, 2010)

Balor, fair question. I am a licensed therapist and have taught university courses on human sexuality. Here are the facts ...

The average couple has sex twice per week. 

--Men or women that are considered 'high desire' typically are having sex 3-4 times a week. This is normal for these kinds of individuals. 
--Low desire individuals are having sex 1-2 times in a two week period. This is normal for them. 

Now, high desire or low desire is a function of biology, preference, etc. The problem is for many couples is that generally men are more high desire than women, but not all the time, yet clearly on average they are more often the ones that are higher desire in the marriage. 

Having a healthy sexual relationship is a function of mutual respect and love for one another and sensitivity for one another's needs. Having an open conversation with your wife about your needs and her would help you. You'll work it out. Her holding out on you is unfair, but just about as unfair as you wanting or needing it every night. Good luck in your journey.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband always says, having children is the death of great sex. Some people may not agree with it, but I think it makes some sense. Looking after young children is very tiring and frustrating. And in front of your children, it is not convenient for couples to flirt with each other. 
My husband doesn't want children. I am fine with it. We have other reasons for not having children. We have a great sex life together. Normally three or four times a week. Recently I have really learned not to let small things bother me. I want sex everyday, and I get to have sex everyday. For women, moods affect their sexual desire. If I am in a bad mood, I don't feel like having sex. Now I try not to put myself into bad mood.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I definitely was less in a mood when I was nursing or caring for young children, but I would still do his morning quickies or give him a hand job (esp if I was on my period). After his vasectomy, I no longer had to worry about getting pregnant (we used the natural method) and I could do it with him during the time of month we women always want it (ovulation time kicks our libido into overdrive).
After my uterus was removed, I no longer had my periods to slow things down, so more sex.
After the youngest was about 10 or 12, even more sex.
I can't wait until they all move out and I can walk around in my nightie.

When the kids were little, we sometimes went months without sex, and then we'd get a hotel room for our anniversary and we'd have sex the entire time. So plan a getaway. Romance her too. Tell her she is beautiful, come up behind her while she is standing in the kitchen and kiss her neck and tell her how great she looks. Give her affection outside the bedroom.

My husband is not physically demonstrative, so the only time he'd touch me is when he reached for me for his morning quickies. I felt he only wanted my body for sex, although I know he loves me and does everything for me, but my emotional needs are not met just because he cleaned the whole house and took the kids out of my way. So give her affection more. I love hugs from my husband, a long tight hug. Does she? If so, give her hugs every morning and evening. Be nice like this a few days, and see if anything changes.

Oh, and my husband is not demonstrative with words, so I told he should, and now he tells me I am beautiful (which I already know, but I love him to tell me), or when I wear a nice outfit he says, "you look nice!", and boy, that changes my mood fast!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband are in our 40's, we have 6 kids (5 still at home, 1 still a preschooler) and we average 5 times a week, sometimes 6. Been on a kinda sexual high for about 2 years now, but it was not always this way. 

Husband always wanted more but never pushed for many many years and normal for us was usually once a week. I was TOO into the kids, the house & other things going on in our life and he was simply TOO patient & didn't talk to me about it. 

Feeling the way I do now, I simply can't relate to that at all. I go for what I want & he is just enjoying the ride. Finally after all those patient years. 

I will say -- My kids would never keep me from intimacy with my husband. Not these days ! But sadly I did allow that to interfere for far too many years. 

I wonder your ages? It is very common for a women to not come into her sexual prime till her late 30's -early 40's. Which is such as shame as men are there in their 20's into early 30's. 

His drive used to be higher, now my drive is higher.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

SA,

If it weren't for men, I think the human species would have winked out oh. . .about the time of **** Erectus about 1.2 million years ago.

Someone has to propagate the species and I guess that falls to men  because by the time women get aroudn to being "in the mood", their little eggies are not popping out like they used to.

Honestly, out of the 6 kids you had, how many would you say had "hubby's signature" on it and how many had your signature? (that is - who initiated the night of conception?)

Women. . .stay away from me. . .this thing is loaded. I had sex one time in one year because the wife was never in the mood and lo' and behold. . .that's our 3rd baby (yes, I am pretty sure he's mine and I wouldn't want to know if otherwise anyway). When our little surprise came along she did forgive me and say, "I guess you are entitled to sex once in awhile."

Some people are just lucky I guess.

Anyway, intellectually, I would have never wanted any kids (I guess I am combining threads here from pearl) but here I am at 41 with 3 boys. ..the love of my lives. 

Biology trumps everything I guess.


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## TwyztedChyck (Sep 11, 2010)

I have 3 sons ages 11, 14, and 17 and even when they were little sex has always been my escape, my ME time. When I am in mommy-mode tending to youngins I devote my entire self to them and their needs, but when I get a breather especially after they go to bed I retire to my bedroom which is my sanctuary, only me and hubby allowed in there, and the door gets locked, the clothes come off, maybe a glass of wine, some Al Green playing, and I can literally feel myself melting back into ME mode. Hubby and I have deep intense conversations, maybe watch old movies on cable, and just unwind in every adult way possible. I often find myself anticipating my ME time while making lunches or doing laundry. But one things for sure, come hell or high water, I fit my ME time into my day EVERY day. I'd go mad if I didn't. Every mother still has a woman inside them. =) P.S. To answer your question as to how often, as much as possible, sometimes every day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The real questions are:
- Is your W generally speaking attracted to you?
- Does she enjoy having sex with you? And that is WAY more than just a question of whether she has an O. 
- Is she angry/resentful about relationship issues and using sex to "punish" you? Or does she simply not look forward to having sex?

We have 3 kids - I won't demoralize you by telling you how often we had sex all through our marriage. I will say that early on I told my wife that frequent sex was a requirement for ME to be happy and that therefore I not only wanted, I insisted that she be honest about her turn ons/turn offs both inside and outside the bedroom. But that ALSO meant that I adopted a "selfless" posture on the answers she gave. 

The easy stuff was the physical: So when she told me it was important to her for me to maintain the stocky / workout physique I had when we met I didn't say "gosh that is shallow" I just said "sure thing" and then delivered. She likes my hair cut a certain way - so I cut it that way. 

The hard stuff is behavioral: How to be dominant in a way that really works. When to be dominant and when to be beta. Expressing love in a way that really makes her feel good - but slightly "under doing it" so that she doesn't tire of it, and doesn't get bored with me. And does not take me for granted. What stuff to be easy going about (most stuff) and what stuff to be absolutely firm about (anything that is disrespectful to you, has to do with her being contradictory, treating you as unimportant). 

I also had to learn the hard way that expressing anger in a loud or aggressive way was counterproductive. Expressing anger by firmly explaining why a behavior was not acceptable and conveying that patterns of bad behavior led to me deprioritizing her needs - that works like magic. Most guys cannot pull that off. They can't do the friendly/fun to be around routine while simultaneously saying "no I am not going to do that - I don't feel like it". 

And most guys are also not able to "deprioritize" their partner and then hold their ground when they are getting hammered. The reason I have a great marriage is 90% of the respect I get 
I "earn" by being a skilled and committed partner. But the last 10% I simply demand. Not in a loud or nasty manner. In a determined and skillful way. 




balor said:


> I read many articles on how often married couples have sex. It seems the average is twice a week, but I can never figure out if they conduct these polls with folks who have young children around the house. My wife and I have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky, and only if I initiate. She tells me most couples with young children find time for intimacy only rarely. Everything sounds like a over-generalization these days. The real question is am I being deprived compared to the average guy in my situation? Do I have any right to feel resentful, or is that question itself way to subjective? Ugh.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

We have a 9 yr old and one who will be 7 next month. Well, he's not biologically their father, I should mention. I divorced their father when they were still very, very young. I actually spent the years when they were really young alone. But...back to my point. 

We have other complications to our relationship, such as the fact that his job as an otr truck driver keeps him away from home for about 2 weeks at a time. On average, though, the sex we have when he is home would average out to probably 1-2 times a week if he were home all the time. Of course, he only gets 2 days home, and if those 2 days are the weekend, we have the kids underfoot so it's hard to get any real alone time. Sometimes, the grandparents will take the kids for a weekend or overnight and then we can really let go and have fun. 

I know, when I was still with my ex, when my oldest was really, really little, it never occurred to me to initiate sex. We had other issues that contributed to that, but it was also just the fact that after holding a baby pretty much all day, with that same baby sucking on my breast frequently, etc., it pretty much met my need for physical touch/affection, so sex never really crossed my mind. And if he initiated, sometimes I would, sometimes I wouldn't. It really just depended. 

I would say she's right that couples with young kids do find it difficult to find time for intimacy, but I also think that determined couples can find the time if they really put their minds to it. Sometimes you make do with a quickie, or you give up a little sleep and go to bed late or get up early to squeeze it in.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363

I have noticed something interesting. Happy marriages are similar. I have paid attention to your posts and BBW's posts. Put you, BBW, my husband together. You guys are similar. And your wives are similar. My husband always makes sure he looks great. He keeps himself in a great shape. He dresses very neat. Goatee trimmed nicely. He likes his goatee. I like it, too. My husband is very firm, but never in a loud way. Because of the religion thing, and it's his religion.I asked him to make a little bit change. He just told me NO in a quiet and firm voice. I knew I couldn't get the answer I wanted, I stopped trying. It's interesting, just be firm, the man gets what he wants, the woman doesn't dare to challenge. You told me that I'm your wife's lost twin sister, BBW said that his wife looks young and sexy. You happy men's wives are similar. We all try hard to satisfy you men's sexual desire. I find it interesting. For bad marriages, the reasons are different. But for happy marriages, they are similar!!!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yes. I think the consistent themes are:
- Mutual respect
- Lots and lots of positive interaction, very little negative interaction
- They do not flirt or cheat. 
- They work hard at work or at home and are responsible with money.

Husbands
- The men have excellent emotional "self" control - in fact while they are quick to express happiness and empathy/sympathy for their wives, they are skilled at managing their own fear, anger, insecurities. So you get a man who is almost always either happy/upbeat or supportive if you need it. You rarely get the angry, frightened, insecure behavior. 
- They are "short" on words and long on action. If there is a serious problem they set to work fixing it. They do not whine and act like a victim. 
- Because the men have good "self" control, they do not try to "control" their wives. They are not "bossy". 
- And part of that control extends to their fitness level/appearance. They make a consistent effort to remain attractive to their wives. 
- Self control: They do not talk/act like a teenage boy. They do not grope their wives. They do not make stupid sexual comments that make her feel cheap. 
- They learn how to please their W in bed. They learn her body and her moods and they make sex great for her. 
- They are kind but they are strong. You cannot bully them or push them around. 

Wives
- The women are focused on the marriage and their partners happiness. 
- They also have good self control. They are not whiny/nagging about things that cannot be changed
- They understand their H is a MAN. He is not just another girlfriend. He has desires - his sex drive is likely high. These wives find a way to make sex great for their men - not just to "catch" him and get a wedding ring. But to keep him happy. They ask him questions they LEARN what he likes and dislikes. 
- They radiate a happy energy and love and this makes their man stay "in love" with them as much as anything. 
- They also are strong and honest and say what they think. If they believe H is wrong they tell him - usually nicely. They are not afraid to stand up for themselves and what they want.




greenpearl said:


> MEM11363
> 
> I have noticed something interesting. Happy marriages are similar. I have paid attention to your posts and BBW's posts. Put you, BBW, my husband together. You guys are similar. And your wives are similar. My husband always makes sure he looks great. He keeps himself in a great shape. He dresses very neat. Goatee trimmed nicely. He likes his goatee. I like it, too. My husband is very firm, but never in a loud way. Because of the religion thing, and it's his religion.I asked him to make a little bit change. He just told me NO in a quiet and firm voice. I knew I couldn't get the answer I wanted, I stopped trying. It's interesting, just be firm, the man gets what he wants, the woman doesn't dare to challenge. You told me that I'm your wife's lost twin sister, BBW said that his wife looks young and sexy. You happy men's wives are similar. We all try hard to satisfy you men's sexual desire. I find it interesting. For bad marriages, the reasons are different. But for happy marriages, they are similar!!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Yes. I think the consistent themes are:
> - Mutual respect
> - Lots and lots of positive interaction, very little negative interaction
> - They do not flirt or cheat.
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::iagree::iagree: I AGREE!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

2 times a month


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

3-5 when we get on well,when were not getting on maybe once


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I was with my wife 42 years. I can’t recall my wife ever saying no. Went from at least once a week to four or five times a week. A few occasions of no sex for a week or two because one of us had “withdrawn”. My wife initiated about five times in total but I knew, or at least I think I did, most of the times when she was really ready. I know I was blessed.

Bob


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> Honestly, out of the 6 kids you had, how many would you say had "hubby's signature" on it and how many had your signature? (that is - who initiated the night of conception?)


 Accually Sannerguard, this will surprise you , but I would say at least 4 out of the 6 had my initiation on it , I know #4 was his initiation because I remember I was worried about conceiving that night, but we took a chance & did it anyway. 

We didn't use birth control except for rubbers & since he was not crazy about them, we often tried to work within my non-fertile days to be safe -in our 30's anyway. IN our 20's we had trouble conceiving, so sex was TOO planned, I know this was hard on my husband and I regret this terribly. I cared more about his spern than pleasing him. 

So now in our 40's with my having an IUD, anything & everything goes, no more worries & total freedom. I just wish I was like this -back then. Live & learn. I can't turn back the hands of time.


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

Thanks for all the replies, folks. It is a difficult balance, isn't' it? 

With the right about of free time, money, and good health, it seems that anybody can improve. It's a real challenge when there's no free time, little space, and not enough money for even a baby sitter. Sometimes I think it's a miracle we stay together. I encourage ladies to think about the kind of lifestyle they want, and be sure to find a man who can ALREADY provide it (or if it's the woman providing the "real money", well so be it). It might sound cold, but I think it's good advice.

I can't imagine poverty, kids, and a good sex life go hand-in-hand.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

balor said:


> Thanks for all the replies, folks. It is a difficult balance, isn't' it?
> 
> With the right about of free time, money, and good health, it seems that anybody can improve. It's a real challenge when there's no free time, little space, and not enough money for even a baby sitter. Sometimes I think it's a miracle we stay together. I encourage ladies to think about the kind of lifestyle they want, and be sure to find a man who can ALREADY provide it (or if it's the woman providing the "real money", well so be it). It might sound cold, but I think it's good advice.
> 
> I can't imagine poverty, kids, and a good sex life go hand-in-hand.


Never exhaust yourself just so you can buy a better purse or a better car. In this world, if you don't compare yourself with others, I think we all have food on the table and clothes to wear. Our place might be small, but we do have a shelter. As long as we have jobs, I think we won't have money issues. But if one person keeps on comparing their life with others, then they will never have enough. They exhaust themselves just so they can make more, put themselves into a bad mood all the time, not good!!!
Sex is really affected by mood!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

In Taiwan, people who don't have jobs or money have more sex(they have more kids). Just a joke. 
Aboriginals have a lot of sex, because they have all the time and energy.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

greenpearl said:


> Aboriginals have a lot of sex, because they have all the time and energy.


i dont know if its true, but could it be because the aboriginal women are still subserviant???


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oh - well ummm - yeah. We always had a very positive cash flow. And that was solely my doing. So there was simply no conflict over money. And yes that was a factor. My W is not materialistic, but she would not have been ok being "poor" however you want to define that.





balor said:


> Thanks for all the replies, folks. It is a difficult balance, isn't' it?
> 
> With the right about of free time, money, and good health, it seems that anybody can improve. It's a real challenge when there's no free time, little space, and not enough money for even a baby sitter. Sometimes I think it's a miracle we stay together. I encourage ladies to think about the kind of lifestyle they want, and be sure to find a man who can ALREADY provide it (or if it's the woman providing the "real money", well so be it). It might sound cold, but I think it's good advice.
> 
> I can't imagine poverty, kids, and a good sex life go hand-in-hand.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> i dont know if its true, but could it be because the aboriginal women are still subserviant???


How about your culture? One day my husband and I were discussing about this. My husband said that aboriginal men go hunting and women stay at home fixing. They each have their roles. They treat each other respectfully. Do they? I don't know much about them. If some one can give me some information about them, I would really be appreciated. 
I do think a submissive wife makes a man happier. But please, men, treat a submissive wife nicely, then it will be easy for us to tell the world that being submissive is good!!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Oh - well ummm - yeah. We always had a very positive cash flow. And that was solely my doing. So there was simply no conflict over money. And yes that was a factor. My W is not materialistic, but she would not have been ok being "poor" however you want to define that.


We make good money too. Average maybe. We both work. 
But I think spending habits play a lot here. 
Say, our salary can afford a big house, but we bought a small apartment. We are able to afford a nice car, but we choose to have a motorcycle and a scooter since where we work is only ten minutes away. I am able to afford sexy underwear of 200 US dollars, but I don't buy them. (wish I could buy them, saw some sexy underwear yesterday, only then I wish I could spend money carelessly.)
We never try to spend more than we earn. We spend much less than we make. I never feel bad I don't have the stuff which other people have. Never feel I am better than people if I have those things or inferior to people if I don't have those things. I don't respect people just because she has an LV and a big diamond on her hand. I respect them if they are wise. 

So for us, I never make my husband feel bad that he can't provide me all those expensive stuff. Just be happy with what we have and spend carefully. Do learn to enjoy life a little bit more now.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Never exhaust yourself just so you can buy a better purse or a better car. In this world, if you don't compare yourself with others, I think we all have food on the table and clothes to wear. Our place might be small, but we do have a shelter. As long as we have jobs, I think we won't have money issues. But if one person keeps on comparing their life with others, then they will never have enough. They exhaust themselves just so they can make more, put themselves into a bad mood all the time, not good!!!
> Sex is really affected by mood!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

i love this outlook on life.. all to often people do, they try to outdo one another ( bigger car house more money and so on) and then before you know it, BAM you are living someone else's life.. sure, i have family that has made it big and has all the stuff i want, but, after my hubby stayed a few hours at one of the homes, he wanted out so dang bad it bugged him, he was glad to be back in our "studio type" apartment, with me my son and him, where the place could get dirty and liveable, he could leave his socks where he wanted, sleep/eat and shower without feeling "out of place", he said that he would rather live in a home he could get dirty in ( no pun intended) than a home with white carpets perfect home perfect everything... 
we need to step back and look at what we have and what we like not the Jones's ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

YES YES YES

We always saved AT LEAST 15% of our income. Every year from the beginning. And that was "true" savings. Meaning 15% of salary went straight into a retirement account. But we were NOT building up credit card debt. Lets face it, if you put 10,000 into a retirement account and run up a 10,000 balance on your credit card, you have saved a BIG FAT ZERO. 

And then - because my lovely W supported my career so well and was also so good with money we had a string of years where we saved well over 50% of what we made. 

We could have bought really expensive cars, instead we bought nice, sensible cars and kept them. 

If my W sees something in a store that she likes, looks at the price tag and sees $25 when she thinks it is worth $15, she puts it back. 




greenpearl said:


> We make good money too. Average maybe. We both work.
> But I think spending habits play a lot here.
> Say, our salary can afford a big house, but we bought a small apartment. We are able to afford a nice car, but we choose to have a motorcycle and a scooter since where we work is only ten minutes away. I am able to afford sexy underwear of 200 US dollars, but I don't buy them. (wish I could buy them, saw some sexy underwear yesterday, only then I wish I could spend money carelessly.)
> We never try to spend more than we earn. We spend much less than we make. I never feel bad I don't have the stuff which other people have. Never feel I am better than people if I have those things or inferior to people if I don't have those things. I don't respect people just because she has an LV and a big diamond on her hand. I respect them if they are wise.
> ...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> YES YES YES
> 
> We always saved AT LEAST 15% of our income. Every year from the beginning. And that was "true" savings. Meaning 15% of salary went straight into a retirement account. But we were NOT building up credit card debt. Lets face it, if you put 10,000 into a retirement account and run up a 10,000 balance on your credit card, you have saved a BIG FAT ZERO.
> 
> ...


A good wife has all these good qualities. We have never had credit card debt. We only have one credit card. And I always pay the bill right way when we get the bill. Banks can't make money from us this way. 
We save 30% or 50% depends on our income. When we make more money, we are able to save 50%. These two years the economy is not doing well, we lost some hours. So our income is less. We work for private schools. But I make sure that we always save money. When people are worried about losing jobs, we are not. What we have can last us for quite a few years. But never want to be out of jobs. 
I never buy silly things just because I like them. I buy it if I need it. What we need is much less than what we want.
We do spend a lot of money on fruit since it is healthy. I am not cheap towards my husband's hobbies as long as the price is reasonable. I know now we are young, we can enjoy our life better, so I try to be balanced. 
Anyway,I have never spent money on brand name stuff. They are just wasting money!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

misspuppy said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> i love this outlook on life.. all to often people do, they try to outdo one another ( bigger car house more money and so on) and then before you know it, BAM you are living someone else's life.. sure, i have family that has made it big and has all the stuff i want, but, after my hubby stayed a few hours at one of the homes, he wanted out so dang bad it bugged him, he was glad to be back in our "studio type" apartment, with me my son and him, where the place could get dirty and liveable, he could leave his socks where he wanted, sleep/eat and shower without feeling "out of place", he said that he would rather live in a home he could get dirty in ( no pun intended) than a home with white carpets perfect home perfect everything...
> we need to step back and look at what we have and what we like not the Jones's ...


A simple life can really make us happy. Just wish a lot of people know.


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

For us it varies. We can go through a period where we have sex for 5-6 days strait, maybe multiple times in a day. We can also be so busy that we go a week or so without any. 


But we are very busy which is why there is so much fluctuation. 3 kids, all actively involved in high level competitive soccer (which means on average 7-9 practices and 3-4 games per week, and in tournament weeks can mean as many as 9-12 games over a 2-3 day period). Add in my wife playing softball on Mondays, my involvement with a prison ministry on Tuesdays, and other church involvement that we have. We have extremely hectic lives.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

GP,
That is incredible discipline. It is easier to be happy when you remove financial stress from your life.




greenpearl said:


> A good wife has all these good qualities. We have never had credit card debt. We only have one credit card. And I always pay the bill right way when we get the bill. Banks can't make money from us this way.
> We save 30% or 50% depends on our income. When we make more money, we are able to save 50%. These two years the economy is not doing well, we lost some hours. So our income is less. We work for private schools. But I make sure that we always save money. When people are worried about losing jobs, we are not. What we have can last us for quite a few years. But never want to be out of jobs.
> I never buy silly things just because I like them. I buy it if I need it. What we need is much less than what we want.
> We do spend a lot of money on fruit since it is healthy. I am not cheap towards my husband's hobbies as long as the price is reasonable. I know now we are young, we can enjoy our life better, so I try to be balanced.
> Anyway,I have never spent money on brand name stuff. They are just wasting money!


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

We have 3 kids (9,6,2) with a 4th on the way due next month. We average about 3 - 4 times per week right now. We have gotten into some slumps, but really since around April we have been pretty steady at that rate.

How do we do it? We MAKE time for each other. Every other night or so it's Mom & Dad time at 8:00 pm for at least 1 hour. The youngest is in bed and the two oldest are watching TV. They know its our private time alone and to not come knocking on the door unless the house is on fire. We have explained to them that just like you like time with Mom and Dad, we like time together.

Look at it this way, a child will be in the house around 18 years or so. You could be married and live with your spouse for over 50. So who should you make sure no matter what you don't ignore? Your SPOUSE!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Crypsys said:


> We have 3 kids (9,6,2) with a 4th on the way due next month. We average about 3 - 4 times per week right now. We have gotten into some slumps, but really since around April we have been pretty steady at that rate.
> 
> How do we do it? We MAKE time for each other. Every other night or so it's Mom & Dad time at 8:00 pm for at least 1 hour. The youngest is in bed and the two oldest are watching TV. They know its our private time alone and to not come knocking on the door unless the house is on fire. We have explained to them that just like you like time with Mom and Dad, we like time together.
> 
> Look at it this way, a child will be in the house around 18 years or so. You could be married and live with your spouse for over 50. So who should you make sure no matter what you don't ignore? Your SPOUSE!


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:Wonderful advice, great advice:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
See, people with many kids can still have a wonderful sex life together. You just have to make time for each other. And happy parents will have happy children!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> GP,
> That is incredible discipline. It is easier to be happy when you remove financial stress from your life.


 big smiles


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## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

This thread really ruined my self-esteem. I knew my sex-life with my wife was bad at once every three months, but now I know how bad it really is.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

When my H feels close to me and he is rested, he wants more sex, and in the last 12 hrs we had sex 3 times. So I try hard to keep him rested, make sure nobody is loud in the morning when he sleeps in.

Sometimes I feel guilty, like he is just a sex object, but I know he feels the same way. He says for men, it is just physical, and I told him it is physical for me too and he should be a little rougher and just f&ck me good and hard the next time. He smiled, surprised, and made a mental note. Can't wait for next time.

So this week it's been at least 7 times. But when we were not getting along, it was 2 /year.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

sara ann said:


> when my h feels close to me and he is rested, he wants more sex, and in the last 12 hrs we had sex 3 times. So i try hard to keep him rested, make sure nobody is loud in the morning when he sleeps in.
> 
> Sometimes i feel guilty, like he is just a sex object, but i know he feels the same way. He says for men, it is just physical, and i told him it is physical for me too and he should be a little rougher and just f&ck me good and hard the next time. He smiled, surprised, and made a mental note. Can't wait for next time.
> 
> So this week it's been at least 7 times. But when we were not getting along, it was 2 /year.



shuddup!!!!


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## 123 (Aug 13, 2010)

We have been married 5 years and have 3 children, 1 mine (10yrs) and 2 his (12&13yrs). Our house is always a CRAZY house, but we seem to always find time. 3-4 times per week. Maybe a little more recently since my H has made a few changes for himself. I believe in a strong, healthy sexual relationship and so does he. Besides, it's fun!


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## chingchang (Sep 21, 2010)

Married 11 years, 2 kids (6, 8) and we do about 3 times a week not counting her period and the week leading up to her period. I'd like it every day (and we actually have plenty of time together to make that so)...but y'all know how that goes...

chingchang


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Twice per month is a good month for me.


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

Star said:


> Buxfan, remember there are probably are lot of people who use this site that do not have sex from one month to the next but are not posting due to feeling inferior or embarassed, I'm sure you are not alone so don't let this effect your self esteem.


Once or twice a month for me. Better than nothing! :smthumbup:


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

How many of you have love lives that suffer simply because of work schedules? Retail schedules, for example, tend to kill quality time together, which is a prerequisite to sex for many women.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

I am not sure this is productive, for if you are feeling resentful then you are resentful indeed.

Do not compare, or even to have numbers in your head to challenge your woman which I would sense is the purpose of this line of thinking. 

Understand comparing and expectation and bribery are the same thing, in sexual relations they will only spell misery.

In my own life, with three children, so what, I have sex when and where I want it (and this is not withstanding the times my woman wants it and I will always accomodate her desires at the drop of a hat and she knows this). 

Is this several times a week at least, or several times a day on days without having to go to work, understand sex is not about scorekeeping!

Whether some other married couple would have sex half as much or twice as much, that means less than nothing to me. For in the intimate world between my wife and I, there is only each other, and each other's happiness and desires and bliss are what is existing and everything else can cease to exist. 

I encourage all good men and women to make their own initmate sexual lives in this way, private and exotic, hidden with mystery and passion and forbidden secrets known only between them and no one else. 

And your post you say "luck" and "if you initiate"? Who else in this world controls your "luck" and "initiative" if not yourself? :scratchhead: 

If you are being deprived, then there is something you are needing to do and not doing it, or something you are doing that you need to stop doing. There is nothing else to compare!



balor said:


> I read many articles on how often married couples have sex. It seems the average is twice a week, but I can never figure out if they conduct these polls with folks who have young children around the house. My wife and I have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky, and only if I initiate. She tells me most couples with young children find time for intimacy only rarely. Everything sounds like a over-generalization these days. The real question is am I being deprived compared to the average guy in my situation? Do I have any right to feel resentful, or is that question itself way to subjective? Ugh.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> YES YES YES
> 
> We always saved AT LEAST 15% of our income. Every year from the beginning. And that was "true" savings. Meaning 15% of salary went straight into a retirement account. But we were NOT building up credit card debt. Lets face it, if you put 10,000 into a retirement account and run up a 10,000 balance on your credit card, you have saved a BIG FAT ZERO.
> 
> ...


Just wanted to chime in here on this specifically. While very awesome for many I know a few people that have done well for the working man. 53-55yrs old with no house note, no car loans, 800-900k in retirement, very frugal very focused. The problem is these types will never spend their money! I'm not saying they have too, but imo what's the point of saving your whole life if your not going to spend it eventually. It's well documented people that save and live well below there means have a very hard time ever spending that money. The security is the money not the life the money provides.

If it works don't fix it!! My wife and I save 12-14% of our income, but could easily save more. We live alot and do have the fancy cars, big house, etc. I tell my kids don't expect all this money when me and your mom go there won't be anything but the house and life insurance

I guess I'm selfish too much travelling, seeing, doing I want to do to just keep saving forever. Come on retirement at 52!!


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

BigBadWolf - I love your posts - they are always intriguing. 
Star - same for you!!


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## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

We have been married less than 3 years. Sex is down to once a month. It is so infrequent that I put it on the calendar.

My husband has gained a lot of weight and drinks a every day. I think (hope) that has something to do with it. I am attractive and slender. In all my past relationships I've had a very active sex life. At first I felt upset, rejected... now I don't think much about it. He's just not as attractive to me sexually. He is so out of shape that he gets out of breath during the act. Still, it's better than nothing! I don't think I should have to live the rest of my life with a sexless marriage.

What do I do?


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> If you are being deprived, then there is something you are needing to do and not doing it, or something you are doing that you need to stop doing. There is nothing else to compare!


I do almost all chores. I pay for everything. I bring her flowers. I always make time to be there for her. I make sure we have a "date night". I do all baths for the children, and get them up for school and appointments because she cannot seem to get up. 

And still I have to beg for weeks for so much as a hand job (and then only if it's something quid-pro-quo. Something ain't right, for sure. No, that certainly isn't the measure of a marriage. But it sure is a simple desire to appease. But I'm becoming convinced it isn't a problem with me.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

> But I'm becoming convinced it isn't a problem with me.


No. It's you.




balor said:


> I do almost all chores. I pay for everything. I bring her flowers. I always make time to be there for her. I make sure we have a "date night". I do all baths for the children, and get them up for school and appointments because she cannot seem to get up.


Very "nice guy" of you. 

But nothing at all sexually attractive in any of this, although you sound like you make a great servant boy for your wife.

Did you actually read the responses from MEM11363 or myself?

DO NOT work for your woman. Do not follow your woman. Do not kiss her butt.

These things, to stop doing these things is the way to start getting back to where you need to be, a sexually attractive man to your woman, and no longer a servant boy.



> And still I have to beg for weeks for so much as a hand job (and then only if it's something quid-pro-quo.


Begging a woman for sex, is NEVER right.

You should be selfishly expressing what you desire from your woman and pursuing it, either this or she is so much on fire herself she is expressing and pursuing what she desires from you.

If you are finding yourself in a marriage where the above is not truth, then roll up your sleeves and get to work, because there is work to be done!



> Something ain't right, for sure. No, that certainly isn't the measure of a marriage. But it sure is a simple desire to appease.


Marriage, it is a sexual relationship.

Therefore sexual attraction must be maintained.

To maintain sexual attraction, recognize what the structure of sexual attraction is (and isn't), and make whatever changes in action and behavior to restore these structures.

These links, they will help:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ats-attractive-my-wifes-input.html#post181910

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/16221-how-about-them-apples.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/17436-nice-guys-other-types.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...ing-article-about-men-doing-housework-uk.html


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> No. It's you. Very "nice guy" of you. But nothing at all sexually attractive in any of this, although you sound like you make a great servant boy for your wife.


She has spinal problems that makes it difficult for her to do the things I help her with. I can either accept that or accuse her of lying. If I didn't do as much as I do, nothing would ever get done. 



> Did you actually read the responses from MEM11363 or myself?


Yes. It read a bit "Old Testament" to me. My wife has never responded well to the old Male as King trope. 



> DO NOT work for your woman. Do not follow your woman. Do not kiss her butt.


What if your woman claims to be disabled? That is my situation. 



> Marriage, it is a sexual relationship. Therefore sexual attraction must be maintained. To maintain sexual attraction, recognize what the structure of sexual attraction is (and isn't), and make whatever changes in action and behavior to restore these structures.


You're suggesting that the structure is one of male dominance and female acquiescence? That a man who doesn't "lay down the law" will be viewed (even subconsciously) as a pansy and thus less attractive? That's a common view, and I don't doubt that there are women who find an "Alpha" gorilla type attractive, but I've never been that type, and her attraction to me before marriage was never based on any perceived "machoness".


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Balor,
Take a quick look at what I said earlier (bottom of this post):

Before you dismiss me as sexist or old testament I would ask that you consider this:
1. My W has a list of stuff that is important to her that is quite long. That is not a complaint it is a factual statement.
2. I have a list of stuff that is much, much shorter:
- Treat me as your second highest priority (kids come first - and I am fine with that)
- Do not do anything to me that you don't want done to you

I do an excellent job delivering on her priorities and she does the same in return. Which means she MAKES sex a high priority solely because it is a high priority to me. 

As for being dominant/alpha. I only go there by "default" in bed which she very much likes.

Outside the bedroom I only get dominant when:
- It is a critical situation and I am confident I know the best way to handle it. Even then, there are times when I roll my eyes and say "if you insist we will do this your way - I predict the following outcome - BUT I will support you"
- She is violating the golden rule - I have given her a chance to course correct and she is not budging and escalation is (IMO) required. Since she is aggressive by nature - if I did not do this she would steamroll me - lose all respect for me - lose all sexual desire for me. Hmmmm.... sounds like a bad outcome. 

That said - SHE is alpha more frequently than I am. 

So if that makes me "king" LOL. Heavy is the crown....

FYI: If she couldn't be bothered to make an effort regarding my "short list" of high priorities, I wouldn't yell or scream or whine. I would nicely point out the situation - and then steadily and relentlessly deprioritize her needs until we reached equilibrium. I have only had to do that once in 21 years. I did it after a LONG period of very imbalanced workloads (it had nothing to do with sex - just workload). And it worked like magic. 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The hard stuff is behavioral: How to be dominant in a way that really works. When to be dominant and when to be beta. Expressing love in a way that really makes her feel good - but slightly "under doing it" so that she doesn't tire of it, and doesn't get bored with me. And does not take me for granted. What stuff to be easy going about (most stuff) and what stuff to be absolutely firm about (anything that is disrespectful to you, has to do with her being contradictory, treating you as unimportant). 

I also had to learn the hard way that expressing anger in a loud or aggressive way was counterproductive. Expressing anger by firmly explaining why a behavior was not acceptable and conveying that patterns of bad behavior led to me deprioritizing her needs - that works like magic. Most guys cannot pull that off. They can't do the friendly/fun to be around routine while simultaneously saying "no I am not going to do that - I don't feel like it". 

And most guys are also not able to "deprioritize" their partner and then hold their ground when they are getting hammered. The reason I have a great marriage is 90% of the respect I get 
I "earn" by being a skilled and committed partner. But the last 10% I simply demand. Not in a loud or nasty manner. In a determined and skillful way. 







balor said:


> She has spinal problems that makes it difficult for her to do the things I help her with. I can either accept that or accuse her of lying. If I didn't do as much as I do, nothing would ever get done.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## balor (Sep 12, 2010)

A well stated rebuttal. If I were to "deprioritize her needs until we reached equilibrium" I'd end up doing very little. I'll keep that in mind as a last resort. Seems that tactic forces a "make or break" situation. 



MEM11363 said:


> Balor,
> Take a quick look at what I said earlier (bottom of this post):
> 
> Before you dismiss me as sexist or old testament I would ask that you consider this:
> ...


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

my h and i have reason not to stress from work not enough money bills teenages three seven yr olds arguements over stupid crap parents but thats every reason to i need to connect and sometimes i dont want to but i like him so i am willing to be his **** puppy about three to five times a week some sort of sexual activity i love him he loves me and i love him to be happy sorry its long
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

do it gradually but firmly - start by backing off on saying ILY if you are usually the one to say it first. Back off on compliments if it is mostly you complimenting her. Be friendly and fun to be around. Response positively when she is loving to you. But gradually increase your focus on other things. 




balor said:


> A well stated rebuttal. If I were to "deprioritize her needs until we reached equilibrium" I'd end up doing very little. I'll keep that in mind as a last resort. Seems that tactic forces a "make or break" situation.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

balor said:


> She has spinal problems that makes it difficult for her to do the things I help her with. I can either accept that or accuse her of lying. If I didn't do as much as I do, nothing would ever get done.


Legitimate medical issues? Of course that is appropriate for you to get the tasks done that need to be done.

But in doing so, do not lose your proper attitude, of doing these things from your own leadership, not to "make her happy" or other some such nonsense.





> Yes. It read a bit "Old Testament" to me.



Sexual attraction, it is very much older than any "Old Testament"!!!



> My wife has never responded well to the old Male as King trope.


Lose this caricature. 

You wan't your woman to respect you? Then act and behave worthy of respect.

You want your woman to be sexually attracted to you? Then act and behave in ways that are sexually attractive.

You want your woman to be emotionally connected to you? Then act in the ways that prove to her you are worthy and strong enough for her to be lowering her defenses, and opening up intimately to you as a women will do only to a man she respects, finds attractive, and percieves as worthy and able to be trusted (strong).




> What if your woman claims to be disabled? That is my situation.


If the medical issues are legitimate, then deal with taking care of business with authority, confidence, strength, and humor.

If the complaints are not legitmate, deal with them as any good man should always deal with "fitness tests" or "sh!t tests" from his woman, by not being afraid to confront and stand up to his woman as she is needing to see his dominant side.





> You're suggesting that the structure is one of male dominance and female acquiescence?


The man strives to dominate, the woman strives to be dominated. 

To ignore this, is to be content with a sex starving relationship. 



> That a man who doesn't "lay down the law" will be viewed (even subconsciously) as a pansy and thus less attractive?


A woman will resent a weak man. Take that to the bank.

Otherwise, do not confuse the reality of a good man in control of himself and his environment, with some caricature of a cave man or other nonsense.



> That's a common view,


Ask yourself, why would this view be "common"?



> and I don't doubt that there are women who find an "Alpha" gorilla type attractive, but I've never been that type, and her attraction to me before marriage was never based on any perceived "machoness".


Gorilla, machoness, these things are caricatures and merely excuses.

If you want your woman to respect you, be on fire for you sexually, and emotionally and intimately open to you and vulnerable to you, then do not neglect the structure of sexual attraction.

And do not confuse simply, the good man who is in control of himself and his environment, with some gorrilla or caveman or some other caricature. 

To continue to do so, you would only be denying yourself the simple path toward the sexual relationshp with your woman you are desiring!


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Make or break scenario, exactly.

To maintain respect and sexual attraction, never be afraid to let your woman know that she herself is doing well to be in a sexual relationship with a good man.

THe attitude, that you could have ANY woman in the world, yet out of all these women, you choose and desire your woman, in her this lights a fire of desire and attraction.

Opposite this, to give the attitude that you are merely "lucky" to be with her, that you need to do chores and kiss her butt and anything else to "make her happy", this inside a woman she will resent this man.



balor said:


> A well stated rebuttal. If I were to "deprioritize her needs until we reached equilibrium" I'd end up doing very little. I'll keep that in mind as a last resort. Seems that tactic forces a "make or break" situation.


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

Once a month, has been since 3 mnths into our relationship, H has low sex drive and I have adapted although sometimes I find it a bit depressing.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

HI 



Once a month, has been since 3 mnths into our relationship, H has low sex drive and I have adapted although sometimes I find it a bit depressing.

Judith: Have you mention to him to have his testosterone check or his other hormones? Sometimes that can keep him to low. 

Depending on the age-the more a couples has sex the more they want it. There could be some emotional issues going on. Usually men are afraid to talk about it to their spouse for fear of conflict or whatever is keeping them ashamed of have sex. Someimtes unintentionally they can blame you when they are fearful of doing it for whatever reason

Judith


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

balor said:


> I read many articles on how often married couples have sex. It seems the average is twice a week, but I can never figure out if they conduct these polls with folks who have young children around the house. My wife and I have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky, and only if I initiate. She tells me most couples with young children find time for intimacy only rarely. Everything sounds like a over-generalization these days. The real question is am I being deprived compared to the average guy in my situation? Do I have any right to feel resentful, or is that question itself way to subjective? Ugh.


When I first found this forum it was about once every 5 months, now its at least every other day. As far as the kids go, we have small kids too. 13-11-10. We just rub our tongues together in front of them and they run away screaming that they've been scarred for life. Then we lock the bedroom door and do the tubesteak boogie!


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

2-3 times a week, sometimes more...just depends.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Mem11363 just hit the jackpot!


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## scattered (Nov 18, 2010)

New here - hi y'all. Figure this is a good a place as any to start.

Roughly 1/month for the first 18 years with a few floods and droughts that lasted a month or two each. 

Four children (14,15,18,19). When W is happy with her weight she responds well to suggestion. When she is overweight it's very difficult to bring her around. The suggestions I've read in this thread are very familiar - begging and slaving are definitely counterproductive. Patiently applying affection and flirting (and quietly processing the rejection) will get us to 1/month.

Three years ago, after W accused me of being jealous of our 16 year old son's sex life ... in front of him and our other children, I decided that I was done cajoling her into intimacy. Not a big deal since she'd long ago rejected foreplay reducing sex to a short aerobic workout. 'Tired' and 'don't feel like it' were the common excuses. To be fair, she generally thanked me for the desire and joked that she would be sorry one day when my libido dried up.

The question at the top of this thread got my interest because she has argued that our 1/month standard was normal and that I just need to deal. Whether that's the case or not seems beside the point. Averages and norms are useful for public policy questions and not much else.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

*Would Kill Myself.*

If we only made love once or twice a month, I would kill myself! LOL

We make love four times a week. We do not have children and we will never have any. Our sex life is too important to me. I'm not interested in little people interrupting our special times or ruining my body.


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## samiam7 (Nov 11, 2010)

Minimum of 2 times a week except for 4-5 days during her periods. 
If we wait a little longer, the sex usually is much more interesting.. but we usually do not last without it for more than 7-8 days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moo (Nov 22, 2010)

This what I have tried to explain to my husband, but he wants to everyday. If we do not he stops talking to me. I have finally gotten to the point where silence is golden! Now he thinks our marriage is over, because he can not live like this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Moo, what did you try to explain to your husband?

For us, I was "ok" at once per week. I'd be much happier at 2+ per week. When it hit once per month (or less), that's made me think seriously about what I want in our relationship, and whether it's acceptable.

C


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## Quantumfilament (Oct 30, 2010)

When we first married it was almost every day. After about a year it dropped to twice a week for many years. Then about three years ago once a week for about 6 months then it started being less frequent, once a month then once every two or three months, then once in 6 months. it is now 14 months and we are separating.

I have often thought that women don't actually enjoy sex especially once married, it is something they do for their husbands if they love them. I've never been with a woman that actually initiated sex or seemed to enjoy it as much as me.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

When we first started dating ( nearly 10 years before we got married) it was every day, sometimes twice a day if the schedule permitted.
Over time that decreased, I kept initiating, and kept getting rejected. After being rejected so much, I quit initiating. I lost alot of sexual confidence over the years and started feeling like I was unattractive. I think that this is actually one of the main reasons I gained weight over the years. I felt like "what's the use in even trying to look attractive?"

We got down to once a week and settled into that boring routine for years, and even recently we were down to once a month.
Then I discovered his porn habit and completely shut down sexually. I felt even more insecure. I thought, "Of course he doesn't want me... I don't look like or act like these porn stars, I can't compete with that".
I was hurt. I resented him. I felt like if he initiated with me more, I would feel more attractive, I would want sex more, he wouldn't need to look at porn so much. It felt like it was this awful merry go round, and we couldn't get off. ( literally and figuratively!!)
Recently, I gave him an ultimatum. It's the porn or me - your choice. I told him I'd leave him, if I felt that our sex life was going to continue to suffer because of his porn habit.

I made a suggestion.... a promise to him that I would initiate more often, that we absolutely must have sex at least 3 times per week, and that at least one of those three times we try something new or out of the ordinary, to avoid routine.
I also committed to going on a diet and started working out...I know my body won't get back to what it looked like at 20 overnight, but I am trying because I know it will only increase my confidence and his desire for me.
I am now constantly encouraging conversations about what we like and want in the bedroom. Just talking about what we did the night before or what we'd like to try next, often gets us aroused enough to have sex after 10 minutes of playful talk. I figure if he is being satisfied by me then he won't have a need to watch other women and to seek out sexual gratification from a computer screen anymore. I know he appreciates my efforts!

I had to get over my laziness, I had to get over my insecurities... But this is an on going process. These problems didn't start overnight and they aren't going to dissolve overnight. The point is that we are both trying. I appreciate him being committed to saving our sex life and our marriage, and I know he likes that I am invested in working on it too!
I still have nights where I am not in the mood or I don't feel attractive and don't want to be looked at or touched, but I tell myself that those thoughts are destructive and divisive to our relationship, and ya know what? Once we get started I forget how lazy or ugly I may have been feeling, because it brings me such joy and fulfillment to know that I am meeting his needs as well as my own. And the more sex we have the more we want to have sex. I really think it has improved our marriage 50% in just a few short weeks.

I committed myself to 3 times a week ....and this week we have had sex or done something sexual 5 times already!

After reading this board for a month, I got some good tips on what to do and what not to do to improve our marriage, and most of our dysfunctions were rooted in lack of intimacy. 
So thanks to everyone!


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