# Happy father, frustrated husband



## Losingit83 (Mar 9, 2010)

Hi all, I'm new... I'm looking for help, advice, anything really to help me figure out what to do. 

Background: I became a husband and father at 18 after getting my high school girlfriend pregnant...typical after school special. Six years and two kids later we divorced, for a lot of reasons, but mainly because she was an awful person, and mother and there was no love. She of course got full custody of the kids. I then met a wonderful woman and remarried. After I remarried my kids came to live with us after about 9 months due to some major problems with their mom (drugs, alcohol, etc..). This wasn't optimal due to the fact that my wife and I are both full time students and I work full time as well. I was hoping to pursue custody once we had both finished school, but of course my kids come first. So fast forward a year... my kids are 7 (boy) and 4 (girl), my son has ADHD but it is mild and treated with low dose medication. My daughter is my princess and I treat her like it. I love my kids...I come from an affectionate family...lots of "I love you"' and hugs. My wife is 24 and has zero experience with kids but has made huge strides with my two. She cooks, cleans, helps with homework, and generally does the "mom" stuff. On the downside she has extremely high standards and a short fuse. If my kids get out of line, it is yelling then time out (hours sometimes), or a spanking. I'm not a big fan of never ending punishment. My kids love her to death, are affectionate and constantly fighting for acknowledgement from her. She refuses to pay any attention to either kid except to yell or to brush them off and says that showing them affection is "too awkward". All of this has led to problems between us. I'm friggin lost.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

these are your children, she must understand how you would like them treated. you have to explain it to her, and work with her. she doesnt have the maternal instincts she would have if they were hers. be patient but take evry opportunity to work with her when she goes too far. pull her aside and discuss what you dont like, but be loving and compassionate, not angry or condemning


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please get some family counseling. Your kids really need it. They have been abandoned by one mom (addictions lead to neglect, which is a form of abandonment, and now their mom is really out of their life, so they feel abandoned). It is very hard for a woman so young to manage with 2 kids kind of sprung on her (not literally), and she needs help! 

Your kids deserve love, not rejection. If she cannot love them, you need to figure out if she needs to go her own way. Their futures are at stake and although you are married to her, this whole thing may be something she feels she didn't sign on for and she may secretly wish to be released. Out of love for her AND your kids, you may need to do it. Give the counseling a shot and then, if things don't improve, ask her if she wants her freedom. Good luck and God bless those two sweet kids.


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## Doc Savage (Mar 16, 2010)

First of all, get that boy of your off meds, let him participate in life the way little boys should, playing outside till he is exhausted. 

I would have been considered a maniac by todays standards of medicine as a child and put on every drug known to man if I were a kid today.

I grew up to be a fully functional, very considerate, highly motivated, profound thinking male with just an adjustment in my diet. (Thanks mom)

Second, take your ex to a family counselor and confront her about her attitude towards the children and let the counselor run with it. You never want to be seen as an instigator of issues by your kids or they will grow to resent you.

Next get a very good lawyer and get the kids, be ready to pay through the nose, but its worth it to have the kids grow up healthy, happy in all ways.

Take the word of one who screwed his first relationship up.

Then be at peace with the fact you got two great kids and go find a great woman that wants babies and raise a large happy family.

Good Luck


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