# Do I get out and, if so, how - so confused



## elaine141 (May 2, 2013)

I really need advise and am not sure what to do at all. Here is some background:

My husband and I have been together for about 25 years. We have been married for 18 and have 3 kids. My husband told me in the beginning that he smoked pot - at 18 years old it did not seem like a big deal to me. We have had a ton of problems over the years: I had almost 10K of credit card debt when we got together, we (or according to my husband I ran up) ran up antoher 70K - including 2 cars - later on, had my mother-in-laws steal 20K from us (in our eyes it was a loan, but she said that it was not) . Long story short, I was careless with our finances and allowed us to get into debt by not really paying attention to the grand total and not having a budget.

We eventually had our credit cards go into default, but we fianlly paid off everything, moved to Tennessee and purchased a house. Our kids have been through a great deal (they were close to my in-laws, but we cut off all ties once they stole money from us), have seen my husband and I have horrible fights over money (the main cause of our problems).

My husband blames me for all of our financial problems. I had a well paying job and he was a stay at home dad. I was laid off last August and finally found work in January, we purchased a vending business so my husband is now working, but we only bring in about 2/3rds of what I was brining in before. He wants to keep spending money on pot even over birthdays for the kids. We have been abusive to each other (verbally and physically)

I want to leave, but I truly don't want to disrupt the kids any more then they have already. We do not make enough money to support two households and keep our house (I have done the math). He says that he was upfront about his pot use and that I have to accept him because he was honest with me upfront.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Whether he was upfront or not, things change and he needs to do what is best for the family.

If he doesn't, can you support you and the kids without him? (and let him fend for himself?)


----------



## elaine141 (May 2, 2013)

I wish I made enough that I could support me and the kids, but it is just me. I do not have any local friends or family (at all anywhere) that could help.


----------



## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

elaine141 said:


> . . . . He says that he was upfront about his pot use and that I have to accept him because he was honest with me upfront.


Notwithstanding the fact that most children grow up – eventually; I like 50-year-old Scotch but we can only afford 10-year-old Scotch and box wine.

Elaine, this guy is a bum, you know whether you can make it work long enough for the sake of the kids and whether or not that is a good thing. Give him $20 a week for hookah and if he can’t make that work you’re probably better off severing your ties now than later.


----------

