# She cheated on her bf of 4 years with his and her best friend



## Korolover (11 mo ago)

So she was going out with this guys who was a wannabe DJ for 4 years but then she cheated on him with his and hers best friend. . 6 months into that the friend left her too and I came in. I married her and it’s been 7 years ans she’s the most amazing wife. Back then a lot of ecstasy was involved and so she told be it just happened . No I find out it was actually her that offered the cheat. I don’t know if I can trust her or not . One a cheater always a cheater ? Or should I ignore and let it go? I have also done drugs with her . Is that a good idea or will it take her back to there ? I’m very confused . I also feel that she cheated on him cos she liked the friend . She could do the same because I was the one who liked her not her liking me . Disturbed


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Drugs are never a good idea and can quickly ruin your life. I also don't agree with the once a cheater always a cheateer. I don't know how old you guys are, but people in late teens and early to mid 20s are full of drama and play games. People change as they get older.

Whether you should forget it or not depends on how you guys are doing today. Is she the same person as she was 7 years ago? If not, then what is the point of potentially destroying a good relationship?


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

I agree. But you know I was so jealous that I wanted to know what the deal was Roth ecstasy so I started doing it with her just to know what the ****ing deal was. I was curious . We have had it good although I’m not in favour of drugs. However whenever we do do them we talk truth . In that I find out new things . That’s what ****s me up . I mean we never had anal sex ever. Once I recently asked her why abs she said it’s painful/ now I’m thinking she has it with others but not me . Me her husband . Why


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> I agree. But you know I was so jealous that I wanted to know what the deal was Roth ecstasy so I started doing it with her just to know what the ****ing deal was. I was curious . We have had it good although I’m not in favour of drugs. However whenever we do do them we talk truth . In that I find out new things . That’s what ****s me up . I mean we never had anal sex ever. Once I recently asked her why abs she said it’s painful/ now I’m thinking she has it with others but not me . Me her husband . Why


@Bugbug I think you’re right to be concerned. But concerned about the relationship, maybe not concerned about her. I have some thoughts about this, but you might not like them all.

First, stop comparing your relationship now to what she did prior to you. That won’t do you any good, and you won’t get any real answers. You’ve both changed since then and hopefully grown up some. Maybe she did stuff when she was younger that she won’t do now. So did I. Maybe you did too.

Next, stop the drugs. Mind-altering substances, including alcohol, lowers inhibitions and lets men and women act on impulses rather than using common sense and restraint. Especially if you think she’s a risk of misbehaving…lose the drugs. All of them. Drugs and alcohol are often used in a ‘party’ atmosphere, which is perfect for bad things to happen. Who does she go to when you’re out of it? Lose the drugs. They are relationship killers.

Also, don’t be suspicious of her ‘just because’. If you see red flags or have reason to be suspicious, then sure be watchful and ‘trust but verify’ as they say. Will she do it again? Maybe. It’s hard to say. You know she is capable so you’re already ahead of many betrayed spouses when they come to TAM. So eyes open but don’t assume she will.

Is she doing anything to arouse your suspicious now?
What would happen if she stepped out on you? What would you do?
Can she stop using and partying if you do?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> So she was going out with this guys who was a wannabe DJ for 4 years but then she cheated on him with his and hers best friend. . 6 months into that the friend left her too and I came in. I married her and it’s been 7 years ans she’s the most amazing wife. Back then a lot of ecstasy was involved and so she told be it just happened . No I find out it was actually her that offered the cheat. I don’t know if I can trust her or not . One a cheater always a cheater ? Or should I ignore and let it go? I have also done drugs with her . Is that a good idea or will it take her back to there ? I’m very confused . I also feel that she cheated on him cos she liked the friend . She could do the same because I was the one who liked her not her liking me . Disturbed


Unless she told you all the details, you don't know them.
Drug users will often trade sex for free drugs or to pay off debts.
As long as she's not using and giving no signs about cheating, she probably isn't.
As long as you have her passwords to her social media, you can check on her yourself from time to time.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

No she’s only a recreational drug and alcohol user. Like I said it’s only her past that worries me. We have 3 children together now and she’s still just outright beautiful. She won’t go anywhere without me but then if someone wants to cheat they will find a way. Drugs have also helped us open up and talk about everything that we wouldn’t have normally . She’s told me mostly everything but everyone has secrets and I’m sure so does she . Ure absolutely rigt if alcohol abs drugs are out nothing will happen abs Ure absolutely right for drugs any girl would give herself . That’s my fear. One day I’ll be out of the city snd she’ll be out


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> Drugs have also helped us open up and talk about everything that we wouldn’t have normally


Let her have secrets, stop making excuses for why drugs are good.
Lose the drugs.

If your relationship is good and she’s not doing anything wrong don’t go looking for ways to mess that up.

Keep your eyes open as we all do, but do the right thing for your marriage.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

A recreational drug user with 3 kids.........what could go wrong? Nice way to set an example.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Bugbug said:


> No she’s only a recreational drug and alcohol user. Like I said it’s only her past that worries me. We have 3 children together now and she’s still just outright beautiful. She won’t go anywhere without me but then if someone wants to cheat they will find a way. Drugs have also helped us open up and talk about everything that we wouldn’t have normally . She’s told me mostly everything but everyone has secrets and I’m sure so does she . Ure absolutely rigt if alcohol abs drugs are out nothing will happen abs Ure absolutely right for drugs any girl would give herself . That’s my fear. One day I’ll be out of the city snd she’ll be out


Also it will be relevant to mention here that during one of our night


BeyondRepair007 said:


> Let her have secrets, stop making excuses for why drugs are good.
> Lose the drugs.
> 
> If your relationship is good and she’s not doing anything wrong don’t go looking for ways to mess that up.
> ...


Also I think it’s worth it to point out here that we are sexually very adventurous only with the drugs and very shy otherwise. We had a threesome wit me female friend and we never talked about it til the next time we did the drugs. We thoroughly repeat enjoy that conversation every time we’re high but never sober


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> Also it will be relevant to mention here that during one of our night
> 
> Also I think it’s worth it to point out here that we are sexually very adventurous only with the drugs and very shy otherwise. We had a threesome wit me female friend and we never talked about it til the next time we did the drugs. We thoroughly repeat enjoy that conversation every time we’re high but never sober


Here is the thing about bringing a third person into the bedroom.
You are risking the wife enjoying them more than she is enjoying you. 
Just a warning, many threads have started with, "I had a threesome, then the wife had an affair with the person we had the threesome with."


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> Here is the thing about bringing a third person into the bedroom.
> You are risking the wife enjoying them more than she is enjoying you.
> Just a warning, many threads have started with, "I had a threesome, then the wife had an affair with the person we had the threesome with."


Absolutely right by it was never a guy


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> Also I think it’s worth it to point out here that we are sexually very adventurous only with the drugs and very shy otherwise. We had a threesome wit me female friend and we never talked about it til the next time we did the drugs. We thoroughly repeat enjoy that conversation every time we’re high but never sober


Then learn how to have fun being sober.
Bringing others into the bedroom is a recipe for disaster too. What if she falls for the other person (Male or female)? Or you do? Can you handle that? What if the next threesome is with a guy?

Stop that nonsense, lose the drugs, and gain a more stable secure relationship with your wife.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> Absolutely right by it was never a guy


Do you think that matters, if she had a positive experience?
I'm just warning you, that's all.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Then learn how to have fun being sober.
> Bringing others into the bedroom is a receipt for disaster too. What if she falls for the other person (Male or female)? Or you do? Can you handle that? What if the next threesome is with a guy?
> 
> Stop that nonsense, lose the drugs, and gain a more stable secure relationship with your wife.


I will try . Tell me this ( I don’t do this) but her and my previous gfs have told me men ask about their girls previous sex life. I find that sickening. But is this true ?


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> Do you think that matters, if she had a positive experience?
> I'm just warning you, that's all.


We have talked about it and we’re good about it


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> Do you think that matters, if she had a positive experience?
> I'm just warning you, that's all.


No she’s a friend of mine who we hardly meet now


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> I will try . Tell me this ( I don’t do this) but her and my previous gfs have told me men ask about their girls previous sex life. I find that sickening. But is this true ?


I don’t understand. This whole thread was started after you were asking her about her previous sex life.

But anyway, yes, asking about a partners previous habits is fine and even needed if a relation goes deeper. Nothing wrong with that. But you have to be ok with who she was or drop her. You can’t keep her as your girl and then verbally beat her up for her past.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I don’t understand. This whole thread was started after you were asking her about her previous sex life.
> 
> But anyway, yes, asking about a partners previous habits is fine and even needed if a relation goes deeper. Nothing wrong with that. But you have to be ok with who she was or drop her. You can’t keep her as your girl and then verbally beat her up for her past.


I hear you. This was about my security . And I’m insecure. That’s why I’m wondering if I behave like other people who are a little more controlling or too Cool


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> No she’s a friend of mine who we hardly meet now


Was your friend the only woman on earth?
Women do make connections with other women.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> Was your friend the only woman on earth?
> Women do make connections with other women.


Yes the only one


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Bugbug said:


> Yes the only one


See that was with me . I’m Not concerned about that . I just bothers me that in her past while she was with her bf of 4 years she asked out their best friend . Why ! And the he used her and left after a gew
Months !


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> I hear you. This was about my security . And I’m insecure. That’s why I’m wondering if I behave like other people who are a little more controlling or too Cool


I hear you about insecurity. That’s going to have to change too.

Lookup “Married Man Sex Life Primer“ and read that. It’s a free pdf download. It changed my view of the world for the better.

You (like I did) need some adjustments so that your wife will respect you and you will have confidence about that.

And lose the drugs. (Do you hear a theme?)


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Bugbug said:


> See that was with me . I’m Not concerned about that . I just bothers me that in her past while she was with her bf of 4 years she asked out their best friend . Why ! And the he used her and left after a gew
> Months !


One more thing I want to mention here . When she met me she told me things like he’d slap her and she was not responding to it.
I’m the sort of person who opens car
Doors for her. Now even at my slightest argument she start crying.
She told me that even if she had had an abusove physical fight with her ex hed say ok now take ur pants off.
For me different .
Gentlemen have no space anymore ? Wtf


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> One more thing I want to mention here . When she met me she told me things like he’d slap her and she was not responding to it.
> I’m the sort of person who opens car
> Doors for her. Now even at my slightest argument she start crying.
> She told me that even if she had had an abusove physical fight with her ex hed say ok now take ur pants off.
> ...


WTF is right.
Shes got a tough past, be careful with her.
Make sure she’s in counseling to help her heal properly. Mental trauma make people do bad stuff even years later.

Do you know why she starts crying right away?
Is it fear you will hurt her because the other guy did?
Or fear of breaking you up?
Something else?


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> WTF is right.
> Shes got a tough past, be careful with her.
> Make sure she’s in counseling to help her heal properly. Mental trauma make people do bad stuff even years later.
> 
> ...


I’m here for her always. My only fear . I told u


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Bugbug said:


> I’m here for her always. My only fear . I told u


By the way what an amazing forum I have found !


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Bugbug said:


> So she was going out with this guys who was a wannabe DJ for 4 years but then she cheated on him with his and hers best friend. . 6 months into that the friend left her too and I came in. I married her and it’s been 7 years ans she’s the most amazing wife. Back then a lot of ecstasy was involved and so she told be it just happened . No I find out it was actually her that offered the cheat. I don’t know if I can trust her or not . One a cheater always a cheater ? Or should I ignore and let it go? I have also done drugs with her . Is that a good idea or will it take her back to there ? I’m very confused . I also feel that she cheated on him cos she liked the friend . She could do the same because I was the one who liked her not her liking me . Disturbed


As you described it I don't think I could be married to this person. If they told me up front and showed they did a lot of work, maybe. If I found out like you said, nope. I don't care if they would cheat on me or not.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Bugbug said:


> No she’s only a recreational drug and alcohol user. Like I said it’s only her past that worries me. We have 3 children together now and she’s still just outright beautiful. She won’t go anywhere without me but then if someone wants to cheat they will find a way. Drugs have also helped us open up and talk about everything that we wouldn’t have normally . She’s told me mostly everything but everyone has secrets and I’m sure so does she . Ure absolutely rigt if alcohol abs drugs are out nothing will happen abs Ure absolutely right for drugs any girl would give herself . That’s my fear. One day I’ll be out of the city snd she’ll be out


Also it will be relevant to mention here that during one of our night


BeyondRepair007 said:


> Let her have secrets, stop making excuses for why drugs are good.
> Lose the drugs.
> 
> If your relationship is good and she’s not doing anything wrong don’t go looking for ways to mess that up.
> ...


Also I think it’s worth it to point out here that we are sexually very adventurous only with the drugs and very shy otherwise. We had a threesome wit me female friend and we never talked about it til the next time we did the drugs. We thoroughly repeat enjoy that conversation every time we’re high but never


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Bugbug said:


> Also it will be relevant to mention here that during one of our night
> 
> Also I think it’s worth it to point out here that we are sexually very adventurous only with the drugs and very shy otherwise. We had a threesome wit me female friend and we never talked about it til the next time we did the drugs. We thoroughly repeat enjoy that conversation every time we’re high but never


I completely agree I will give it my best shot . Alerted mind is no way of keeping up a relationship


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> No she’s only a recreational drug and alcohol user. Like I said it’s only her past that worries me. We have 3 children together now and she’s still just outright beautiful. She won’t go anywhere without me but then if someone wants to cheat they will find a way. Drugs have also helped us open up and talk about everything that we wouldn’t have normally . She’s told me mostly everything but everyone has secrets and I’m sure so does she . Ure absolutely rigt if alcohol abs drugs are out nothing will happen abs Ure absolutely right for drugs any girl would give herself . That’s my fear. One day I’ll be out of the city snd she’ll be out


Why would she want to cheat on you? Generally in my experience there are 2 reasons why people cheat, they are just bad people, (entitled, greedy, psychopath etc) or they are missing something fundamental from their relationship. 

If your relationship is good, and all her and your needs are being met, then enjoy your relationship in the present. Acting all weird and needy is never an attractive quality. Leave the past where it is or you may find yourself in a self fulfilling profacy. 

Living in a constant state of angst is exhausting and you can't control someone else's thoughts and feelings. 

Unless she is exhibiting red flag behaviours now, just enjoy your beautiful wife and 3 kids.

Oh, and stop doing drugs you're not a teenager anymore


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

Jamieboy said:


> Why would she want to cheat on you? Generally in my experience there are 2 reasons why people cheat, they are just bad people, (entitled, greedy, psychopath etc) or they are missing something fundamental from their relationship.
> 
> If your relationship is good, and all her and your needs are being met, then enjoy your relationship in the present. Acting all weird and needy is never an attractive quality. Leave the past where it is or you may find yourself in a self fulfilling profacy.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your advice. It makes a lot of sense. I love her like crazy. Also I’m a very successful business man : so yes technically she shouldn’t .
Drugs yes I’ll put an end to it. No she’s not showing any red flags as yet


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Bugbug said:


> Thank you for your advice. It makes a lot of sense. I love her like crazy. Also I’m a very successful business man : so yes technically she shouldn’t .
> Drugs yes I’ll put an end to it. No she’s not showing any red flags as yet


Well then, don't create drama where there is none, enjoy your alpha dog status and don't give her a reason to look around by being needy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You have children to care for. No more drugs and no more adultery.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

context is important. You don't mention her age or where she was at in life back when she was with her old BF. 

I would be more concerned if she had been married and had kids and a mortgage and car payments etc when she decided it would be fun to have a whirl with one of his buddies. That shows a disregard for commitment and destruction etc etc. 

Where as if she was a 20 year old college student and a party girl........ well that's just what 20 year old college party girls do. If it's a college dating relationship, that is a different animal than someone cheating within a marriage and breaking up a family. 

Like the other posters, I am more concerned about your current drug abuse than her monkey branching between party boyz back in her youth. That is going to be far more destructive NOW than her playing the field in college. 

regardless of what happened in her youth before she got with you, you are both adults now with mouths to feed, bills to pay and adult responsibilities. The quickest, easiest and surest way to derail all that you have worked for and created now is to bring drugs into your lives. 

You need to stop worrying what she did in her youth and examine both of your behaviors now as adults with young children to feed.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> context is important. You don't mention her age or where she was at in life back when she was with her old BF.
> 
> I would be more concerned if she had been married and had kids and a mortgage and car payments etc when she decided it would be fun to have a whirl with one of his buddies. That shows a disregard for commitment and destruction etc etc.
> 
> ...


Believe it or not that has made a lot of sense into all of this. I don’t know u but I want to thank you . She is we in her 20s then. Yes she made a mistake .
The reason for my post was venting out. She’s a responsible mother now and I hope she won’t do it again. It’s all in my head. I’m just a jealous guy


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bugbug said:


> Believe it or not that has made a lot of sense into all of this. I don’t know u but I want to thank you . She is we in her 20s then. Yes she made a mistake .
> The reason for my post was venting out. She’s a responsible mother now and I hope she won’t do it again. It’s all in my head. I’m just a jealous guy


I don't know if English is a second language or if you have a bad spell checker but that is confusing. 

Let me be direct - How old was she when she cheated on her BF and how old is she now?


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I don't know if English is a second language or if you have a bad spell checker but that is confusing.
> 
> Let me be direct - How old was she when she cheated on her BF and how old is she now?


Sorry I’ve lived and been raised up in London so yes these are phone tech things that are happening. Yes she was in her early 20s when this all happened


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bugbug said:


> Sorry I’ve lived and been raised up in London so yes these are phone tech things that are happening. Yes she was in her early 20s when this all happened


OK, and how old is she now?

And how old are you?


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> OK, and how old is she now?
> 
> And how old are you?


She’s 38 I’m 44


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bugbug said:


> No she’s only a recreational drug and alcohol user. Like I said it’s only her past that worries me. We have 3 children together now and she’s still just outright beautiful. She won’t go anywhere without me but then if someone wants to cheat they will find a way. Drugs have also helped us open up and talk about everything that we wouldn’t have normally . She’s told me mostly everything but everyone has secrets and I’m sure so does she . Ure absolutely rigt if alcohol abs drugs are out nothing will happen abs Ure absolutely right for drugs any girl would give herself . That’s my fear. One day I’ll be out of the city snd she’ll be out


Are you from Pakistan?

If so, is not alcohol forbidden?

Drug use by men is common in Islamic countries (hashish and opium) but often goes unpunished by the authorities.

Whereas, women are forbidden from using all forms of sophorics (except for prostitutes?)


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

So you're basically talking about things that happened with a young, single woman 15+ years ago in a completely different stage of her life. 

That's kind of what people do in their early 20s. Her BF was probably banging other chicks as well. 

I'm not saying that that is all perfectly commendable behaviour. But we do have to at least try to be realistic and realise that people in their early 20s are often a bit impulsive and unstable and by all rights really shouldn't be getting into heavily committed relationships in the first place. It is a time of getting out into the world and finding out what is out there and finding out what it is you want in the world. 

Should she have cheated? No,,, but a bigger question is should she and her BF at that time been in an exclusive, committed relationship at that time of their lives in the first place??

The problem with current red pill rhetoric and even forums like this one is people are going to say that if a woman gets out and dates a number of people and has experienced sexuality, that she is going to be "damaged" and rendered incapable of having and maintaining a healthy relationship in her adult years. 

This of course is bullcrap in normal, healthy, functioning adults. I would even argue that getting out and experiencing a variety of dating, relationship and sexual situations is actually the more healthy process than being committed and marrying one's prom date at an early age. 

Now it's different if there is some kind of pathology involved such childhood sexual abuse or daddy issues or history of mental disorder, drug/alcohol abuse etc etc 

But a normal healthy person experiencing a variety of different dating and sexual scenarios in their young adulthood is part of growth and development whether church people or these insecure guys looking for virgins are comfortable with it or not.


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> Are you from Pakistan?
> 
> If so, is not alcohol forbidden?
> 
> ...


You’ve got it all wrong. It’s not like you’re thinking at all


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bugbug said:


> You’ve got it all wrong. It’s not like you’re thinking at all


Ooh, not the first time for us!

I looked at your Avatar _flag _and made the _Big Assume_.

Pardon my ignorance....

Where are you and your wife from?
Add in, where are you presently living?

This question is not meant to be any sort of a criticism.

The more data supplied, the better our responses.
Well, one would hope!


_N-_


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## Korolover (11 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> Ooh, not the first time for us!
> 
> I looked at your Avatar _flag _and made the _Big Assume_.
> 
> ...


No offence taken. We’re both multi ethnical. Raised in London . UK


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Bugbug said:


> I agree. But you know I was so jealous that I wanted to know what the deal was Roth ecstasy so I started doing it with her just to know what the ****ing deal was. I was curious . We have had it good although I’m not in favour of drugs. However whenever we do do them we talk truth . In that I find out new things . That’s what ****s me up . I mean we never had anal sex ever. Once I recently asked her why abs she said it’s painful/ now I’m thinking she has it with others but not me . Me her husband . Why


Because it's painful. What is it about that you can't understand?


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

The more I read the more read flags I see and out of that her past infidelity is the smallest one. Drugs are a bigger issue than infidelity


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Korolover said:


> So she was going out with this guys who was a wannabe DJ for 4 years but then she cheated on him with his and hers best friend. . 6 months into that the friend left her too and I came in. I married her and it’s been 7 years ans she’s the most amazing wife. Back then a lot of ecstasy was involved and so she told be it just happened . No I find out it was actually her that offered the cheat. I don’t know if I can trust her or not . One a cheater always a cheater ? Or should I ignore and let it go? I have also done drugs with her . Is that a good idea or will it take her back to there ? I’m very confused . I also feel that she cheated on him cos she liked the friend . She could do the same because I was the one who liked her not her liking me . Disturbed


Gross & void of life.


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