# How much does it bother you when your DH gains weight?



## nader (May 4, 2011)

I've gained probably 20 lbs since we got married. DW has been overweight since I met her. Far from morbidly obese, but enough to where she can't fairly criticize me. I love her body and I love having sex with her, but there is always room for improvement. I make a point to never hassle her about it, and I always talk about how _I_ or sometimes _we_ need to lose weight, never just her. It is all kind of an elephant in the room that neither of us deal with because we are new parents and it just isn't a priority right now. It does not help that she is an AWESOME cook, my job is fairly stationary, and with a new baby there just isn't much time for exercise as much as I know I need it.

But just out of curiosity, how much of an issue is weight gain in your marriage, particularly when it's the man?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

So much so that we both lost it. Invest in a baby jogger?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I worry about my H's health. But i seem to be attracted to him no matter what. That probably isn't good for him and us. Maybe if I were turned off, he would do more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

After my husband's TBI in 2008, due to sedentary issues from physical limitations, medications, etc., he has gained about 50 lbs (he is 6'5" though, so not as bad as if he was shorter). 

It's a bigger issue for him than me.

I still find him attractive and still want to have sex with him.

But - I think that's one of HIS issues - he does have an issue with the weight gain and I think that makes him feel less attractive, therefore he thinks I think he's less attractive so with that, his ED, meds and everyting else - I guess that's the reason he says his sex drive has lowered.

I don't know - still trying to figure it out...


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

so far, being more attractive and having better sex is the ONLY motivation for me to even think about losing weight. It does not seem to be much of an issue for my wife, or if it is she is keeping her mouth shut so as not to have a double standard. 

I really like to eat what I like and it is hard for me to make time for exercise. But if I started turning into a gym rat and she stayed the same, it would seem really weird and unbalanced. So I kind of think it needs to be both of us doing it together, or it won't work. Does that make sense?

eta: I'm about 5'6 and pushing 180lbs. Far from obese, but I have a nice beer belly that isn't getting any smaller. I recently had to up my waste size when I was getting new pants for work, which was kind of a wake up call for me.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I didn't notice when he gained 20 lbs over a year ago. He was pissed at me because I didn't notice. I was stuck in my own head from being in an unhealthy marriage for so long, though. That may be why I didn't see the change.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

20 pounds doesn't bother me. Now at 35 pounds overweight then yes it did kind of gross me out (it was ALL in his midsection - he looked ready to deliver a baby). And here I am at 128 pounds at 5'7". I'm tiny.

At the moment he needs to lose 15 pounds to be at a healthy weight. I'm happy with that.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

When my H gains weight, it bothers me more from a health perspective. He's only had two times in our almost 23 years that I can remember where he gained some weight (not a lot). I gently chided him and then threatened him with having to go get a physical (nothing scares him like having to go to the doctor). Seriously, though, he knew he was getting in some bad habits and addressed it. I think that the older you get, the harder it is to get the weight off.

Why don't you and your wife bundle the baby in to a stroller and take a nice walk after dinner each evening? Part of a good marriage is caring enough about yourself to help maintain the attraction that your spouse has for you.


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

doesn't bother me as hubby's always slim even if he gains a few lbs


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## perfectstranger (Aug 14, 2010)

Actually, I'm looking forward to the day when DH can put on a few pounds. 
For professional reasons, he has to stay very fit. He looks AMAZING in clothes, and he's pretty sexy out of them. But I'm the first to admit I'd be happier with a more relaxed lifestyle and a husband +15 lbs.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I would suggest that both you and your wife start exercising more together--or with the baby too! It's always tough finding time to work out, no matter what stage of life you're in...establishing good habits now will help you if there are more kids down the road.

Each couple is different, but 20 extra lbs (of fat, not muscle) would cause me to strongly question my relationship--or start to worry that he was depressed or sick. That's simply because both of us are in pretty good shape and make it a priority. For others, weight is not so much of an issue. 

If you take a look at a BMI calculator, it can give you an idea of how healthy your weight is. BMI isn't always the best estimate for health though--bodybuilders tend to have high BMIs--but if you've mostly gained fat instead of muscle, it can be a helpful tool to use.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm 6'2" about 210 lbs, but a couple years ago due to a prolonged hospital stay by my disabled brother where someone needed to be with him at all time I wound up ballooning to about 275. I was from not eating well and not exercising. Now I'm back to around 210 and would like to get to just under 200 but it's not happening, My wife actually said she liked it when I was a bit bigger. 
Now she on the other hand has body issues and can't stand the fact that she's right under 200 Lbs at 5'10". I love the way she looks. But when she was in her late teens and early 20 she was a model and was only about 110 lbs. But almost 20 years later, four children and seven pregnancies it's affected her body. She's working really hard right now to get down to 160 and I try to help where I can. But I don't really care whether she loses the weight or not because I love her the way she is.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am on a new med where one of its many awful side effects could be weight gain. If I have to fast one day a week to avoid that, that's what I'll do.


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