# I feel the "want" to cheat.



## nikkilaya1234 (Mar 10, 2008)

I love love love my boyfriend. We're totally exclusive and have been together for a year and a half now. But I don't get turned on anymore by him. It's not him. He's extremely attractive in every way. I'm very lucky to have him. But I feel like I want something else for a little bit. I even try to imagine someone else while we're "getting it on" or just until I get turned on enough. I feel like if we were ever to get married, I wouldn't be able to be faithful. What should I do? How could I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings?


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

You need to talk to him asap! I can't think of a time when I heard a person say I want to date other people for a bit and then things work out. Something is wrong here. I know you say how good looking he is but there is more to being attractive to a person then there appearence.

Some how he is not meeting your needs. Perhaps you simply need more cuddling from the start. Maybe you need to feel emotionly loved and not just lust. There are alot of things you need to look at together and work it out together.


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

You say you are "lucky" to have him. You say he is attractive; why else are you lucky to have him? 
You have been together for a year or so and you are already wanting to cheat? This is not a good thing. You need to get your head on straight pretty quickly or tell him. You are not being fair to him in any way. This isn't what being "in love" is like at all. 
You are not being fair to him at all; you are not even treating him the way you would treat "a friend".
Is wealth or the expectation of a comfortable lifestyle in the future one of the reasons you are "lucky" to have him?


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## True Blue (Feb 29, 2008)

Perhaps your relationship has run it's course and it's time to move on. Before you cheat you should tell him you need some time apart to re-evaluate your relationship. He'll be hurt (maybe not) but honesty is always best. Right now you think the grass is greener on the other side, and you may find it is or you may realize that you already had what you needed. Whichever conclusion you reach just remember that your boyfriend deserves the truth and not a cheater.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

nikkilaya1234 said:


> I love love love my boyfriend. We're totally exclusive and have been together for a year and a half now. But I don't get turned on anymore by him. It's not him. He's extremely attractive in every way. I'm very lucky to have him. But I feel like I want something else for a little bit. I even try to imagine someone else while we're "getting it on" or just until I get turned on enough. I feel like if we were ever to get married, I wouldn't be able to be faithful. What should I do? How could I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings?


How old are you and how old is he?

draconis


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## berlinlife06 (Dec 26, 2007)

Well, depending on your age, a year and a half is nothing or is to much. I see that you 
"love, love, love" him, but maybe you are not in love with him anymore, and that's why he doesn't turn you on. Talk to him. And before cheati ng on him, break it up for a while... who knows, maybe he is the man of your dreams, but not at theis moment.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Stinks for him doesn't it. He thinks he is with someone who loves him and all the while you are not attracted to him. Of course you won't clue him in because "you love love love" him and if he did know he'd probably stop doing all the things you enjoy.

I say just go ahead and break up with him. You both deserve better.


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## nikkilaya1234 (Mar 10, 2008)

Ok here's the thing. I figured it all out. I never cheated, no way would I do that. Physically I was attracted to him but emotionally, I was not. He wasn't there for me in that way. I'm only 21 and he's almost 23. He's a busy person and we never got to spend time with each other. I finally told him that I love him so much but his schedule is way too busy for a serious girlfriend. I never wanted to cheat on him. I thought I did but there's no way I could do that. When I first wrote this thread it was a quick thought that only lasted the 2 minutes it took me to write it. He did a lot of things to hurt my feelings. I felt like he didn't really love me as much as I loved him. He was mean to me at times; disrespectful. I felt like when it came to me, sex was the only thing he had time for. If he wasn't there for me emotionally, I couldn't get turned on for that or by just him at all. The only thing that turns me on is knowing that the guy I'm in love with loves me more than anything in the world. But we're young and he doesn't want the same things I do out of a relationship or even life just yet. He's about to graduate college this December and still wants to be a drummer in a band for a living. Although he was the one who brought up marriage in our relationship and brought up looking at rings together, I felt that's not what he could really handle right now. Because I asked for more time from him that he could give and he got mad at me for "complaining". I want a sure-thing relationship. He thought he did, too but he's not ready. I had to let him go to be himself. He has to get a lot out of his system still and settling down isn't it. I'm sorry for the confusion and I hope y'all don't think I'm a horrible person for posting that.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

nikkilaya1234- good post


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Nothing being horrible, you where just being honest.

draconis


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

The thing is, at 21 you are having fleeting thoughts of cheating that, now, you tell yourself that you have dismissed from your thinking. But a marriage to him would be for a very, very long time if you and he were serious about getting married at some point.

It is unlikely that your chemistry will improve. You either have it or you do not.

So in 5 years, 10, 15, your ability to dismiss that now fleeting thought to cheat will be utterly diminished.

Especially as you reach your sexual prime.

If I were you, I would put the brakes on this relationship.

Don't cheat. But do move on.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Hecka double standard!
If that was me saying I wanted to cheat because I am not getting any, draconis would have been all like, I hope you rot in hell or get what you deserve or something like that. j/HALF/k
I don't really care, but am I tripping or what?!?:scratchhead:

*nikkilaya1234*
You are just a human and a woman, we are all horrible sometimes, but luckily you are young and expected to still be figuring it out.
Young couples encounter this problem a lot, the girl is ready to settle and the guy isn't quite there yet. This stage in the guys development is pushed even further into the future if the guy is successful financially and or is enjoying his single life too much.
Leaving young women with the option of getting with a little less driven young guy or a more established older guy that is finally ready to settle down.
Very grown up of you to walk away from it and not try to fix the guy when he is just acting the way he is supposed to.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

I want a sure-thing relationship. Don't we all, but like all good relationships, you have to work on it.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

carmaenforcer said:


> Hecka double standard!
> If that was me saying I wanted to cheat because I am not getting any, draconis would have been all like, I hope you rot in hell or get what you deserve or something like that. j/HALF/k
> I don't really care, but am I tripping or what?!?:scratchhead:


How is it a double standard, I never condoned her cheating.

my first post to her was to clarify how old she was to understand where she was and where he was in their lives.

The second thing I responded to was to say she wasn't horrible for figuring out that HE wasn't ready for marriage. That she acknowledged she DIDN'T want to cheat that she was physically attracted to him but not emotionally.

I never condone cheating, sexism, abuse no matter man or woman, race color or creed.

All my posts are gender neutral, I have less double standards then those that accuse me of such.

The only way I don't tell someone that they are "wrong" is if they have an open relationship where boundries have been set and are understood. 

draconis


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

I thought Draconis would tell her that the key would be to communicate


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

brad said:


> I thought Draconis would tell her that the key would be to communicate


I will agree with that. But not all men are ok to communicate when they dont want they play retard and buzy.


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