# want a mtrial seperation - am I right?



## lonely_wife (Sep 28, 2008)

I have for a trial seperation, but he refuses - here's the story:

We have not been very happy for a while and I have always put him and daughter first so we muddle through.

I have started making new friends, having fun, going out and realised that I no longer need a "safety net". I love him but not as I should.

I like family meals, bowling, etc... but a weekend away alone would feel strange!

I have been considering whether to split on and off and have now decided on a trial. I look at it as the worst thing that can happen is I will be lonely, but then I look at our relationship and I already am!

We do not talk much (just a few things that we have done at work) We never sit by each other (seperate chairs) No cuddles on the sofa, long romantic walks, etc. and I don't feel that way towards him anymore because it has been such a long time since he tried.

I am actually happier and calmer when he is at work and start to get wound up when I know he is on his way home.

Am I doing the right thing?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

lemme get this right before i respond. you're saying the problem is you're lonely? and you have a high level of anxiety when he's on the way home?

find the reasons for those issues, solve them, and i'll bet you're happy again. this is a marriage, not a pair of socks!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

lonely_wife said:


> Am I doing the right thing?


Even though working out your marriage would be the best thing to do, in my opinion, I also think if you dont get some time away you will always want it and be wondering about it. If it feels like the right thing for you, then do it. 

But really sit down and think about what your goals are in all of this so something doesnt just happen without you feeling in control of it. It kind of sounds like your goals in the separation is not to help your marriage, but to see what it'd be like to be single and 'free'. If it really is to see what it's like to be 'free', make sure you are aware of it so you can control yourself.

You are still married, even when separated. You did make a promise to this man, and your family, that you should adhere to while you are still married. If during your separation you decide you want to be single, wait to be single before doing anything.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

lonely_wife-

I have read all your threads and analysed your style. You seem to jump from thought to thought. Your mind is not settled. You should give *yourself *an ultimatum: Either take on the work of dealing with your marriage, and transform it into a jewel of rare beauty, or LEAVE.

You are wasting both your life and to some extent your husband's. I say to some extent because he is responsible for himself. There is nothing more pitiful than a couple who are lukewarm, where neither partner is interested in making it the best it can be. If this is your relationship then one of you should wake up. If you could both wake up, it would be even better.

How would hubby react to a discussion on making things more fun?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think that you need to learn how to communicate with him better. Maybe get counciling to help you with this. Once you seperate things will never be the same.

draconis


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