# goin a little crazy here



## lostlately (Feb 17, 2011)

Been together fourteen years. He still won't marry me. I love him very much. I bought the house we live in, up till recently, I bought most everything, paid for trips etc. He had a thing with an old girlfriend five years ago, I still can't believe how much the betrayal still stings. He looks at porn. He doesn't want to make love with me. I am attractive, fit, engaged in life, happy unless I'm home with him. He makes me feel terrible about myself, but he is a kind, beautiful man. 
I'm paralyzed because we've built a life together. He wants to stay together, he cries when I talk about separating, he's just not 'sure" he wants to marry me, after 14 years. He has trouble committing to much of anything. 
I'm so lost and confused. I want to run away, but I own the house and I'm not sure where to go.


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## bangun (Oct 20, 2010)

you have to deserve better than..


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lostlately said:


> He looks at porn. He doesn't want to make love with me. ... He makes me feel terrible about myself, but he is a kind, beautiful man.
> I want to run away, but I own the house and I'm not sure where to go.


These are your words:
(1) he looks at porn (I'm assuming you don't care for that);
(2) he doesn't want to have sex with you; and,
(3) he makes you feel terrible about yourself (I assume he is verbally abusive or so detached he simply ignores you).

BUT ... he is a "kind, beautiful man." These are NOT the behaviors of a kind man. At best, it sounds like passive-aggressive abuse.

Perhaps you should ask him to leave your house so you can have some time alone to process what has happened and decide how you wish to proceed. Life is very, very short. If you've given it your best shot, and he does not want to be in a legally-committed relationship, I think it's time for you to move on. Being alone isn't fun, but it's not a fate worse than death. I'd rather be alone by myself than alone in a relationship.


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