# How Did You Find Out?



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Just curious...

As for me:

The first- confession

The second- neighbors told me

The third- I found out by accident


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I knew with my gut that setting was wrong. Just wasn't sure quite what. Eventually I used a keylogger and var. That quickly turned into hard proof.


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

Gut, then hard proof with phone data.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

You knew in your gut, then had your guts kicked out.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Saw numerous evidence of him in serious La-La Land (Mega thick fog), completely distracted, didn't even acknowledge my presence...Gut...Told him a fib that I kept getting blocked phone calls from a stranger saying he was "f**king So&So"...Gut...Then the phone bills...Not only did it show phone calls between him and the recent one on the fib telling day but it showed up a 2nd So&So. That's when the 6 year one got revealed...Found her on his FB page (didn't even know he had one). Multiple DDs.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

D-Day #1: I picked up her iPad and saw her FB conversations... she was actually outside on the back patio talking w/ OM (#2) via the FB app on her iPhone at that very moment. I'd caught her red-handed.

D-Day #2: After the initial shock subsided a few days later, I started digging. That's when I found that she'd done the same thing (EA via FB, though less emotion involved in this first one) w/ a different guy off and on over the course of about a year, and that it only ended (earlier in the year... about 6 months before D-Day #1) because he ended it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My former husband never acted any different from normal either time. DD1 was a sudden gut feeling to check our credit card statement (something I had never done before). DD2 was a phone conversation I partially overheard when he was in his home office one morning (he thought I was upstairs). 

I immediately confronted on DD1 and DD2 and he only ever admitted to what I could prove. After DD2, I was done and relieved I didn't have to worry about it any more.


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## nikoled (Mar 12, 2014)

My husband was in the shower and his phone made a strange noise so I picked it up and a FB message opened. It was him telling some younger woman I had never even heard of that he loved her, blah, blah, blah. He immediately said that the message was for me not her and that he sent it to his coworker by mistake. I wanted to believe him, but did a little digging later that day and found OW"s pinterest page filled with poetry about my husband. My heart stopped when I saw a picture of HIS office pinned with the words "So many memories made, so many yet to come". Confronted with proof and he confessed. Ugh. I wish he would have ended it and confessed instead.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

nikoled said:


> My husband was in the shower and his phone made a strange noise so I picked it up and a FB message opened. It was him telling some younger woman I had never even heard of that he loved her, blah, blah, blah. He immediately said that the message was for me not her and that he sent it to his coworker by mistake. I wanted to believe him, but did a little digging later that day and found OW"s pinterest page filled with poetry about my husband. My heart stopped when I saw a picture of HIS office pinned with the words "So many memories made, so many yet to come". Confronted with proof and he confessed. Ugh. I wish he would have ended it and confessed instead.


OUCH!

That's terrible.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Gotta admit I am surprised thus far in not seeing more confessions.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Caught them. One week while away the calling and such stopped. Staked out house. Caught OM dropping her off. Left and never looked back. Well, until my ring was returned. Once I took possession I simply slammed the front door and moved on with my life. Years later she had seen me in a restaurant. I saw her but did a complete ignore. She on the other hand turn white as a ghost. It felt good. I'm not going to lie


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Immediate confession to drunken ONS with mutual friend. Full compliance with my terms for R. My wife is a unicorn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

thatbpguy said:


> Just curious...
> 
> As for me:
> 
> ...


Are you referring to different D-Days w/ the same wife or different D-Days w/ different wives...?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I put 2 and 2 together after she left. Someone was listing out actions by cheating spouses and I realized my ex had hit EVERY single one of them...right down to the ILYBINILWYA.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

The last time and what brought me here was just me acting out on a trigger. I looked at my cellphone bill. At that time I hadn't been involved in the bills for several years..

For some reason Sept or the few months before Sept have been the times my Ex wife would act up.. I don't have a clue till this day why Sept every time.. It was also the month of of anniversary.. But I would catch her in Sept.. Very Strange.


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

My gut started sensing something was different. Wife began talking a lot about the people she worked with, eventually 2 brothers in particular who were in strong positions at her work. She would talk about what great guys they were, how they took care of their poor elderly mother, how nice they really were. One of them had a desk adjacent to my wife's. He turned out to be the POSOM. 

Wife is and never was overly affectionate so was hard to notice her treating me differently. Began to notice more time spent after work with "work people". Change in the way she dressed. When I first got our cell phones billing for each call and text was listed. Lots of the same numbers over and over. Then things between us got way different. Sex was few and far between. Because I was doing alot of the household chores (cleaning and the laundry) began to notice she bought some new lingerie yet she never wore it when we had sex. She was also supposedly going to the gym after work. Noticed the lingerie in the gym bag. Right after that I began looking for more evidence. She became extremely hateful towards me about that time. Sex with her was "hurry up and finish". 

Noticed she would leave the room to talk on the phone or coming home from work she would stay in the car and talk for 15-20 minutes more. Then as Valentine Day was rolling around a couple of years ago noticed she bought lots of Valentine cards, a couple of extra than normal. Found the one she was to give to me (usual joke card)(along with a shirt from the $3 markdown rack). Snooped in her work stuff and found 2 cards, one all about what a deep love she had found and another about sexual positions. After going out to eat on Valentine night she went to bed, I snooped. Found his card to her in her work stuff. Card was about licking and how he was fond of it. That was it. Confronted her that night. She tried lying and when that didn't work she faked "passing out".

Needless to say Valentine's Day is now a real sh!t day for me.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

loyallad said:


> My gut started sensing something was different. Wife began talking a lot about the people she worked with, eventually 2 brothers in particular who were in strong positions at her work. She would talk about what great guys they were, how they took care of their poor elderly mother, how nice they really were. One of them had a desk adjacent to my wife's. He turned out to be the POSOM.
> 
> Wife has and never was overly affectionate so was hard to notice her treating me differently. Began to notice more time spent after work with "work people". Change in the way she dressed. When I first got our cell phones billing for each call and text was listed. Lots of the same numbers over and over. Then things between us got way different. Sex was few and far between. Because I was doing alot of the household chores (cleaning and the laundry) began to notice she bought some new lingerie yet she never wore it when we had sex. She was also supposedly going to the gym after work. Noticed the lingerie in the gym bag. Right after that I began looking for more evidence. She became extremely hateful towards me about that time. Sex with her was "hurry up and finish".
> 
> ...


Know what you do?...You have the power to change your memories, especially related to special days/holidays: Rent a limousine and go out next Valentine's day with a hot chick and some Dom...Wipe out/replace that memory of that witch. 

From reading your stuff I remember too, my husband called me accusing me that I told people he is a "womanizer"...Bullying me that he isn't one...Didn't know that Harlot#2 was lying about me and I didn't even know who the hell she was...Apparently she thought that, so she said she heard a rumor that I said it... Then came the sudden underwear change to jersey boxers, apparently Harlot#1 likes to see the shadow of the stick on the wall (Saw a pic like it on her instagram). Sicko MFs. He proved himself to be just that...A womanizing toilet, so I flushed him.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

We were basically living separate lives in the same house. Sex had dropped to just about 0 and when it did happen she was drunk. We fought about all kinds of small bull**** and swept the real marital problems under the rug. I happened to see her in traffic one day laughing on her phone. I checked the phone that night and she had been deleting all history. I knew at that point but confirmed the next day on the phone bill. Boom! It had been going on for nearly a year. Very deep EA but plans to meet were being made. I did everything wrong out of the gate but eventually we recovered. D-Day was over 7 years ago.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

When he was not working he would spend most days out. He would get up up and spend most of the day out with his friends leaving me to look after the children... Of course not at first. I was with him 7 years, but as the years went on he probably just got bored with me and family life, he preferred to be out with his mates... I loved him loads, I think to myself what i really loved about him... as looking back he treated me Like crap... I suppose it was just habit in the end, and i did not want to break up our family, we had 3 children together.

Well, Occasionally he would stay out of night, some nights i would expect him home and he would just stay out and stroll home in the morning telling me he had been with friend ha.... Me being young and naive believed him...

I found out by scratch marks on his back, he was having a bath and i saw them, I asked him there and then, I had a feeling because he was acting strange, distant, he admitted it straight away, and told me it just happened.....

We tried to move on, but i was just so unhappy. I got a move i was waiting for, moved into our new place, I just told him that i wanted him to go.... Best thing i ever did.

Funny, All i ever thought about was the good times i had with him, I could never understand why i never looked at all the bad things he did..... he was abusive as well, the things he used to say to me.....

Well least i am married to someone who is completely the Opposite, I am glad those days are well and truly over!!!


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

My ex and I hadn't been getting along for about a year. I was out of the house for the 3rd time do to her "we both need space request".

I was actually over her older Sisters house, fixing her leaking sink. Her then BF left to get us all some beers. I was telling my then SIL that I just wanted her Sister and I to be back together and happy again.

I started talking about some of the things that I wanted to do, places I wanted us to go, when I was back home for good.

My SIL's eyes started welling with tears. That's when I found out for sure that I would never be going back.

I had no choice bet to interact with my EX over the following years do to our Daughter. During the first 5/6 the years my EX would find out that I spent and afternoon doing her Sister's brakes, or fixing her PC. My EX would hit me with a snide remak about about how I always wanted her SIster more than her.

I'd answer "No. She was the only one that knew what you were doing to me back then and she cared enough for me to tell me the truth.".

It's been 18 years. I still love my Ex-SIL very much and will always go to bat for her if she needs me. There were a few cousins of mine and a few "freinds" that also knew, but noone wanted to get involved.

I know that it took a lot for her to out her Sister to me. She'll always be very near and dear to my heart.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Are you referring to different D-Days w/ the same wife or different D-Days w/ different wives...?


My first wife. 3 betrayals that I was aware of.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

thatbpguy said:


> My first wife. 3 betrayals that I was aware of.


Damn. How far apart? Same OM?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Damn. How far apart? Same OM?


3 diff guys about 90 days between #1 & #2 and then about 9 mos to #3.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

melw74 said:


> I found out by scratch marks on his back,!


That's about as bad as it gets.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Could only pick answer so I picked confession. In reality it was a little bit of all of them but confirmed with a confession. 

In Oct. 2012, I found thousands of texts to one unknown number. She and covered up and lied and the texts stopped. Then about the end of Nov. I get an anonymous phone call at work from some chick telling me to check my phone bill. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, I'd been watching my phone bill for two months and nothing was wrong, so I confronted my ww and she just broke down crying, telling me someone was out to get her and she had no idea why someone would tell me that. She cried on and off for two days and I actually almost believed her, almost. On the second day she just broke down out of nowhere and confessed to everything. 

She had stopped seeing the POSOM the day I found all the texts, but she had already run her big mouth to a friend at work about having "a little something on the side", and when that friend saw my WW's number on the her husband's phone bill she figured my WW was hitting on him (she wasn't) so she called me anonymously. Karma.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Like HarryDoyle it was a combination but I picked confession. I had the gut feeling, just couldn't find that smoking gun. My WW confessed January 20th of this year. Found it was a six month affair that ended two and a half years prior to her confession. Although she still worked with the OM until April of this year. OM was her co-worker. All of their communication was through work. I drove myself crazy investigating everything I possibly could. Two and a half years searching computers, phones, her car on my off days. Never found a damn thing, not one message. I type this out disgusted that I'm now on medication for depression. I no longer make people laugh or laugh myself. I'm happiest alone or with my two sons. If not for my son's I'd be in a graveyard pushing up daisies. Those two and a half years of not knowing destroyed me.


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

Wife was away for three days to a friends cottage. I futzed up the computer and did a system restore. found some odd short cuts and so I opened them. First I found emails she had exchange with the "Magnificent Lover". They talked about the unusual positions, puxxy crying for your kok and filling *****. Some suk and nibble stuff too. Phoned her asked her what the file was and first she said she didn't recognize it, then she said it was a part for a novel she was writing, then it was research for her novel, then she said it didn't matter cause the guy was dead, Finally yes it was to her sex partner, and she didn't feel anything for hem, he was just really good and bed. Then she warned me not to read on. Too Late. Then I found a file of 24 pictures they had taken of each other having sex, finished have sex and a cream pie shot. Called her again, WTF. She warned me not to look at them, Too late.
I started looking and found 3 different videos oh him beating it to giver her a dribble. From the emails my wife sent him pictures of herself and he sent the videos. The also mention watching a video they had made, but the wife said it was the beater video. I don't believe her. The more I looked the more stuff I found. When she got home the "S it hit the fan. general cheater speak, It wasn't her, didn't want me to get hurt, didn't think I would find them, they were his pictures and he sent the a set she intended to delete and had never looked at them. Found out they met some months earlier and had a ONS and that when I fell deathly ill she looked him up as a way to relieve the tension of taking care of me. Really sucked too, she went to see him when I was home on holiday. Currently cohabitating but separated and moving on D


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

thatbpguy said:


> That's about as bad as it gets.


It does get worse.
I saw some strange ATM location on the statement(flag#1)....well going on a lot of GNO is flag #1.
Days later i saw the charge light from her cell on and pulled the powrer cord out from under her pillow and that text got me everything I needed to confront.

Now for the worst part.

When I asked her how long its been going on ( figuring with this guy ) she said "13 years but not only with him"......well it took her some time but the count was at 20 OM. Lets just say she spilled the beans week......ya it took that long for her to recall all the ONS's

There were so many strange # on her phone statement...go back a year...I had to make an Excel sheet to coillate the #'s versus the dates....

The guy (needy phucker) I caught her with was kind of long 1-1/2 months ( above average as far as length of time goes)

I found one guy that was in a rotation, but generally she was 3 and out....3 weeks +/_ a week and she punted them out.

That's when I found my "good friend's" number come up a lot on a 2 week period.....Do I need to go on?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For all the vet that are wondering... I didn't slap the sh1t out of her.

And for all the newbies.....ya I kept her around.

We both now have the tools to keep our bad behavior in check....no more cops at parties, no more chick fights, I haven't been arrest since '95, no more toxic friends....and that the trick folks...you gotta get away from those toxic people.

And believe it or not we got both our kids through college. I guess they saw us as big time phuck ups when they were babies they knew better.....The great thing is we got our 1st grandbaby on the way and me and the old lady are still alive and even better our kid will actually let us see the baby......a lot of the old crowd aren't so luck cuz even at 50 they are still doing stupid ****.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

My gut started screaming concern when i noticed she had a pin code on her phone.

When i asked her why she needed a pin code she said cause the kids kept getting into it. 

Funny thing is there was no pin code a couple of days earlier and the kids had been away with their grandparents for a week and a half.

The next day i dropped a VAR in her Car and all was confirmed. I caught her and OM on a first date.

Needless to say i heard some painful things where they both made fun of me and wife assuring him i'm clueless and would never find out.


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## Pufferfish (Sep 25, 2013)

Thinkitthrough said:


> I found a file of 24 pictures they had taken of each other having sex, finished have sex and a cream pie shot. Called her again, WTF. She warned me not to look at them, Too late.
> I started looking and found 3 different videos oh him beating it to giver her a dribble. From the emails my wife sent him pictures of herself and he sent the videos. The also mention watching a video they had made, but the wife said it was the beater video. I don't believe her. The more I looked the more stuff I found. When she got home the "S it hit the fan. general cheater speak, It wasn't her, didn't want me to get hurt, didn't think I would find them, they were his pictures and he sent the a set she intended to delete and had never looked at them.



You should have uploaded all that stuff you found onto an internet porn site before confronting. 

You would have executed an infamous piece of TAM advice of "Expose the Affair" in one hell of a preemptive thermonuclear strike.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

One of my best friends saw her out at a club with POS, very intimate talking with minor PDA in the few minutes he saw her.

He told me.

She lied her a** off at every turn when I confronted the next day.

The lies were proof enough for me...I kicked her to the curb hard.

She begged for another chance 8 months later....confessed everything at that point.

I told her to go pound sand.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

*DD # 1 :* Married 3 years. We were relocating to another state so that my husband could go into business with his sister. I stayed home for 2 months until he could get on his feet and get an apartment. I packed and moved most of our stuff into storage. Husband flew home and we drove to new state with our 6 month old baby. Arrived in new state, husband dropped me and baby off at new apartment and then disappeared for 3 days leaving me with no vehicle and only a few diapers. No cell phones back then so I was basically stuck. Found payphone and called his sister who told me if I would lose the baby weight he might not be with another woman. When he arrived on the 4th day, I took the vehicle and drove back to our home state with our baby. I moved in with a friend and within a month had a new job and apartment. I’ll never forget because it was our baby’s first Christmas. No contact with him (didn’t even know what the 180 was then but I was doing it). He came back six months later and begged for me to take him back. With a new baby I did.

*DD #2:* Married 17 years. I was lying in bed with husband. He asked me to rub his back and then massage his feet. While massaging his feet he told me that he wasn’t happy and that he was moving out. Wow, out of the blue! Found out he was having an affair with my best friend who had split from her abusive husband months earlier. She had no job and so we let her and her children live in our rent house which was next door to us for FREE! He left and moved in with her. So for my act of kindness she repaid me by sleeping with my husband. Four months later he begged to come home. Yeah, stupid me let him back again both because I loved him and for the sake of our two children. I told him then if he ever cheated again, I would file for divorce and never look back. After several years of silently monitoring I began to trust him again.

*DD#3:* Married 27 years and had gotten back from our 27th anniversary trip a week earlier. Son and I were having a conversation about who used the most text messaging between him and his sister. I pulled up the cell phone bill to prove to Son that he sent twice as many as his sister did. I immediately noticed husband’s increase in text messages and phone minutes. From about 20 texts a month to 150+ per month for several months. Same with the phone minute usage. I know my face turned white while I tried to hold myself together in front of our son. Things had been great and I had no clue! 

Hired a PI friend from work and discovered the affair. Of course, on our anniversary trip husband gave me a card wherein he wrote “Can’t wait to spend the next 27 years with you. Happy Anniversary Babe, I love you.”

I didn’t confront immediately because my husband’s sister was in the hospital dying so I wanted to hold off with the confrontation. Until…. the night he told me he was at the hospital with his sister and he had actually taken the OW out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants. Next morning my husband said “Hey babe, what are we going to do today?” I said “Well you are going to move out because you are cheating again.” He looked shocked and denied, denied, denied. I told him her name, address, phone number, how many children she had, and the dinner the night before, etc. He lowered his head. I made him admit he was cheating and then told him to leave. 

The next day I had all his belongings packed and called him to come get them. Filed for divorce and was divorced 90 days later.

Pretty sad that I wasted so much time with him isn’t it?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

My H is the crappiest liar on the planet. Literally....

I found out both times because he kept changing stories like 16 times. Oh and he keeps things gender neutral. If he is into someone, he won't say he or she...he will use a last name (He's military and this is common) so I never know if it's something to worry about.

H example story:

There was no girl in my room (hotel)

Well, she came over, but I had two queen beds in there and she was fighting with her fiance so she slept on the other bed.

Well, ok I slept with her and I feel like a d*ck. 

4 years later....

Ok I slept with her twice. 


ugh.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Baseballmom6 said:


> Found payphone and called his sister who told me if I would lose the baby weight he might not be with another woman.


Wow. What a f*cking c*nt.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Baseballmom6 said:


> Pretty sad that I wasted so much time with him isn’t it?


Gah! I'm so sorry. I am glad you did finally kick him to the curb though!


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Sports Fan said:


> My gut started screaming concern when i noticed she had a pin code on her phone.
> 
> When i asked her why she needed a pin code she said cause the kids kept getting into it.


Hah! That excuse must be in the Cheater's Book of Lies somewhere, my WW said the same thing about our grandson. I believed her. So I asked her for the number in case my phone was dead or something. Two days later she had changed the number. When I asked her why she told me my grandson had figured out the code........he was freaking one years old! Really:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead: That's when I knew something wasn't right.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i was about to say that i have never kept a lock on my phone... but then i realized my job will change that. 

eek. thats a sobering thought. six years of complete transparency and now i cant tell my wife what i do during the day or who i talk to. 

crap. :/


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"Hah! That excuse must be in the Cheater's Book of Lies somewhere, my WW said the same thing about our grandson. I believed her. So I asked her for the number in case my phone was dead or something. Two days later she had changed the number. When I asked her why she told me my grandson had figured out the code........he was freaking one years old! Really That's when I knew something wasn't right."

lol....I can't remember which poster it is that occasionally posts a picture of Tommy Lee Jones from No Country for Old Men with the catchline of Seriously?.....but this excuse certainly deserves it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> i was about to say that i have never kept a lock on my phone... but then i realized my job will change that.
> 
> eek. thats a sobering thought. six years of complete transparency and now i cant tell my wife what i do during the day or who i talk to.
> 
> crap. :/


Nothing wrong w/ having a passcode enabled on your phone, and that's whether your job requires it or not (mine does as well)... *as long as your spouse knows what it is*.

Of course if your job requires any sort of DoD clearance, that will sort of change things.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Nothing wrong w/ having a passcode enabled on your phone, and that's whether your job requires it or not (mine does as well)... *as long as your spouse knows what it is*.
> 
> Of course if your job requires any sort of DoD clearance, that will sort of change things.


my job DOES require a DoD clearance... 

i have never had to deal with that before. i have never really even THOUGHT of it before... 

one more thing to figure out i guess.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Our shared home laptop computer was running really slow, so I figured she'd gotten a malware virus from an email or something and started poking around for spam messages, scanning subject lines for nonsensical "spam words" in our shared email account. Found nothing, but happened to notice just how many Sent messages were in the mailbox andthought I'd go through and delete a bunch just because there were so many. Before I did, took a quick visual scan of subject lines, again looking for a spam/virus source. One happened to have caught my eye from her best GF just because she put a goofy odd subject line, and I opened it. it was from 3 years earlier.

It was the only one still left from a 4- or 5- message back & forth exchange between them, discussing a guy she'd met when I sent the two of them away for a girl's weekend for my WW's 40th birthday, and how she couldn't let it go and she'd been trying to contact him but felt guilty because I was wonderful... the other 4-5 on this subject had been deleted. Seemingly the only Sent emails that had been deleted, given the volume. 

So now I have to read 2,800 Sent email messages, and I have to leave for a business trip. I say nothing, fly out, get to my hotel, and read every one of them. And I find a few inappropriately-flirty exchanges with an OM from a couple we were friends with. All within the last year.

Nothing fully damning that could prove anything beyond inappropriate closeness and messages, but definitely smoke from a fire.

I come home and confront. Trickle truth begins, but she admits to chasing OM#1 trying to contact him, but he basically turned her away, and an EA with #2 and kissing OM #2 "once". I get up to drive to OM's house to confront and verify, more trickle begins... badgering literally for weeks and it turns out it was actually a 2-year on & off EA that went "slightly" physical (kissing and fondling)... but never sex, supposedly, oral or otherwise. And had all ended on it's own 5-6 months prior to this DDay. Uh huh, I call BS and set up a poly, and I expose to OM's wife. I get a text from OM whining, and "since you had to tell (wife), even though we never had a sexual thing I thought you should see this text I saved because I always knew she would do this"... sent me text my WW sent him "...but I love you and yes I know it's wrong but I can't and won't stop, because I do love you."

Tried MC and to R but couldn't get past it and moved out 10 months later. Esepcially after finding out she was in pursuit of #3 when DDay occurred.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> i was about to say that i have never kept a lock on my phone... but then i realized my job will change that.
> 
> eek. thats a sobering thought. six years of complete transparency and now i cant tell my wife what i do during the day or who i talk to.
> 
> crap. :/


Not long after my wife and I got married I changed jobs to one that required having the privilege & burden of TS clearances. At the time and even today she had/has no problems at all knowing almost nothing of what I did day-to-day for 4 years in that role.

I'm sure your wife will be okay as well, you'll both have to get used to talking about other things.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> i was about to say that i have never kept a lock on my phone... but then i realized my job will change that.
> 
> eek. thats a sobering thought. six years of complete transparency and now i cant tell my wife what i do during the day or who i talk to.
> 
> crap. :/


Tell her the lock code - and when you change it tell her the new one. As long as you keep telling her what it always is she may check once or maybe even never.


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Baseballmom6 said:


> The next day I had all his belongings packed and called him to come get them. Filed for divorce and was divorced 90 days later.
> 
> Pretty sad that I wasted so much time with him isn’t it?


Just Damn 

BBmom, 

He is a Psychopath... As you probably know, if you caught him red-handed 3 times over 27 years, he probably got away with it a _dozen_ more.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

I suspected for years, followed her from time to time, even Soft confronted... nothing but denial and lies.

~7pm, Aug 5, 2009... my daughter in college calls, wife picks up. I can hear wailing and crying from the other room. I silently pick up the phone... in 15 seconds, I learn more about my wife than 30 years of marriage. 

That phone call confirmed my suspicions that had lingered for years. Wife admitted to the EAPA affair (caught red-handed), it had been going on a month or so, but still in full denial about any past affairs. 

But now nothing could turn off the GUT. Her flimsy lies about the past now seemed paper thin. Funny, once you know truth, lies are obvious. I started going through _"deleted"_ FB, emails, phone logs, bluffed some. She knew it was all there. Over the next week, she broke down and confessed that she had been EAPA cheating for years.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

RWB said:


> I suspected for years, followed her from time to time, even Soft confronted... nothing but denial and lies.
> 
> ~7pm, Aug 5, 2009... my daughter in college calls, wife picks up. I can hear wailing and crying from the other room. I silently pick up the phone... in 15 seconds, I learn more about my wife than 30 years of marriage.
> 
> ...


?? Do I understand this right -- your daughter caught her and confronted her as you silently listened to WW admitting it?

Isn't it amazing how we lock in forever the exact date and time of tragic pain?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

2xloser said:


> Isn't it amazing how we lock in forever the exact date and time of tragic pain?


6/12/12... and probably right around 6:12 pm!

Ha!


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Funny how my wifes much lighter EA pales compared to this. Yet that trust is gone nonetheless.

Edit. Funny how we remember times. 03-02-2013 758A


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

That time is engraved in my memory until I die, 01/20/2014 19:34 hours. The time and day I died on the inside and reduced to an empty shell that walks. Complete shutdown on all accounts. Devastation and pain that followed after the shock and numbness wore off were beyond imagination. Struggling with R lately, raging mostly for whatever reason.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

May 11, 2011, 9.01 pm

~sammy


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

2xloser said:


> Our shared home laptop computer was running really slow, so I figured she'd gotten a malware virus from an email or something and started poking around for spam messages, scanning subject lines for nonsensical "spam words" in our shared email account. Found nothing, but happened to notice just how many Sent messages were in the mailbox andthought I'd go through and delete a bunch just because there were so many. Before I did, took a quick visual scan of subject lines, again looking for a spam/virus source. One happened to have caught my eye from her best GF just because she put a goofy odd subject line, and I opened it. it was from 3 years earlier.
> 
> It was the only one still left from a 4- or 5- message back & forth exchange between them, discussing a guy she'd met when I sent the two of them away for a girl's weekend for my WW's 40th birthday, and how she couldn't let it go and she'd been trying to contact him but felt guilty because I was wonderful... the other 4-5 on this subject had been deleted. Seemingly the only Sent emails that had been deleted, given the volume.
> 
> ...


I read stories like this and just shake my head. 

It's all so sad and I can really feel the pain.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

RWB said:


> *Funny, once you know truth, lies are obvious*.


How true, how true...


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

thatbpguy said:


> I read stories like this and just shake my head.
> 
> It's all so sad and I can really feel the pain.


Yes -- and yet why do we continue to read stories like this, when we know they sometimes become their own triggers? :scratchhead: 

Maybe it helps to just know others have been there, felt it too, and lived to tell about it.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

RWB said:


> -----------snip for brevity----------
> 
> Her flimsy lies about the past now seemed paper thin. Funny, once you know truth, lies are obvious.
> 
> -----------snip for brevity----------


Always, when there is complete trust, there is complete suspension of disbelief.

That's why the lies work.


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## stunned (May 6, 2013)

4/27/13 7:07AM. I actually caught the very first message between my wife and OM. It was a Facebook message from him that popped up on her phone and was very innocent, but by her defensive reaction to my asking about it, I could tell something was amiss. I found this site that day and thanks to reading all the advice, I remained a step ahead of her the whole way. It's AMAZING how even though I was "sure she could never do anything like that", even she followed the cheater's script to a T.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

stunned said:


> 4/27/13 7:07AM. I actually caught the very first message between my wife and OM. It was a Facebook message from him that popped up on her phone and was very innocent, but by her defensive reaction to my asking about it, I could tell something was amiss. I found this site that day and thanks to reading all the advice, I remained a step ahead of her the whole way. It's AMAZING how even though I was "sure she could never do anything like that", even she followed the cheater's script to a T.


Have you ever posted your 'story'?


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

january, 22 (?) 2002, Patriots were playing the Oakland Raiders (the famous "tuck rule" game)
I was in the upstairs bathroom, we had a laundry shoot there, she was talking on the cordless phone right under neath the laundry shoot to her toxic friend that was going to be her cover to meet the OM the next night, which was EA at the time but this meet was to make it a PA. I heard every word from her.
my gut had already been screaming days maybe even weeks before this.
I told her I had to go get a gallon of milk and beer and I went straight to the OM's house to confront him then home too confront my wife.
She was pissed i went to OM's house
I exposed to everyone the next day




_this was OM (#2 of 3)_


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## stunned (May 6, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Have you ever posted your 'story'?


No, I haven't. I just read practically every story ever written here and learned...


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Shucks, I can't remember the time and date: There were so many DDs...But I remember the time and date of THE text mssg to WS from Legion: October 15, 2010 @ 5:15AM: "I am here." Like the Stephen King movie: Storm of the Century.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

stunned said:


> No, I haven't. I just read practically every story ever written here and learned...


You ought to.

It's good for the soul and satisfies TAMMER's insatiable need for blood.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

RWB said:


> Just Damn
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh I totally agree. I have no doubt it was many more!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I chose other.

Because my wife told me in advance that she was going to have an affair, but that she loved me and that it was just a fling and that she would come back to me.

And that's what happened.

F**k! That's just *so* messed up!

But it did happen.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thinkitthrough said:


> Wife was away for three days to a friends cottage. I futzed up the computer and did a system restore. found some odd short cuts and so I opened them. First I found emails she had exchange with the "Magnificent Lover". They talked about the unusual positions, puxxy crying for your kok and filling *****. Some suk and nibble stuff too. Phoned her asked her what the file was and first she said she didn't recognize it, then she said it was a part for a novel she was writing, then it was research for her novel, then she said it didn't matter cause the guy was dead, Finally yes it was to her sex partner, and she didn't feel anything for hem, he was just really good and bed. Then she warned me not to read on. Too Late. Then I found a file of 24 pictures they had taken of each other having sex, finished have sex and a cream pie shot. Called her again, WTF. She warned me not to look at them, Too late.
> I started looking and found 3 different videos oh him beating it to giver her a dribble. From the emails my wife sent him pictures of herself and he sent the videos. The also mention watching a video they had made, but the wife said it was the beater video. I don't believe her. The more I looked the more stuff I found. When she got home the "S it hit the fan. general cheater speak, It wasn't her, didn't want me to get hurt, didn't think I would find them, they were his pictures and he sent the a set she intended to delete and had never looked at them. Found out they met some months earlier and had a ONS and that when I fell deathly ill she looked him up as a way to relieve the tension of taking care of me. Really sucked too, she went to see him when I was home on holiday. Currently cohabitating but separated and moving on D


Oh. Oh, my God.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

2xloser said:


> ?? Do I understand this right -- *your daughter caught her and confronted her as you silently listened to WW admitting it?*
> 
> Isn't it amazing how we lock in forever the exact date and time of tragic pain?


That's about right.

My wife was on Summer Vacation (Teacher) and was staying up late on FB... many hours every night. My daughter noticed that "Mom" was FB-ing at 4am and the only "friend" online was her and some man she recently friended. My daughter suspected the worse, hacked my wife's email and went straight to the _infamous SENT box_. It was all there, even conversations about previous affairs. 

By this time, my older Brother and my grown Son both knew the truth and had read the emails. It actually took me a month to open the emails myself. I clearly knew the reality of what had transpired was really bad, but the actual reading what she did with him... relishing in it, along with the way she demeaned me was/is sickening. 

How many of us BS have looked across the room and uttered... *"Who Really are YOU?"*


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I put "other", but it was a combination of finding out and being told.

My ex wife left me, with no mention of somebody else, and even denied there was somebody else when I eventually asked her. A few months passed, and, having that time to clear my head, I started to suspect that wasn't true, things didn't add up.

She eventually came to me and told me she was moving out of the country to be with a man she had met (though she never said when she met him, at this point). This was the only reason she told me, as she was moving away while we were going through our divorce and it was necessary to inform me, I guess.

I figured out who it was, and drew my own conclusions, which I eventually confirmed by doing a little digging. I eventually confronted her, and she acknowledged that she had fallen in love with this man through the internet, but denied that she had "cheated" on me. I left it at that, and never dug any further.

But yeah right. Some 2 years of internet chit-chat (it's a long story, but I was aware of it, and I was even friendly with him, as were other male friends of ours. This guy is/was a bit of an internet celebrity in the circles we were in, so I thought nothing of it.)


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> D-Day #1: I picked up her iPad and saw her FB conversations... she was actually outside on the back patio talking w/ OM (#2) via the FB app on her iPhone at that very moment. I'd caught her red-handed.
> 
> D-Day #2: After the initial shock subsided a few days later, I started digging. That's when I found that she'd done the same thing (EA via FB, though less emotion involved in this first one) w/ a different guy off and on over the course of about a year, and that it only ended (earlier in the year... about 6 months before D-Day #1) because he ended it.



Ouch 

sorry bro


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

convert said:


> january, 22 (?) 2002, Patriots were playing the Oakland Raiders (the famous "tuck rule" game)
> I was in the upstairs bathroom, we had a laundry shoot there, she was talking on the cordless phone right under neath the laundry shoot to her toxic friend that was going to be her cover to meet the OM the next night, which was EA at the time but this meet was to make it a PA. I heard every word from her.
> my gut had already been screaming days maybe even weeks before this.
> I told her I had to go get a gallon of milk and beer and I went straight to the OM's house to confront him then home too confront my wife.
> ...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> I chose other.
> 
> Because my wife told me in advance that she was going to have an affair, but that she loved me and that it was just a fling and that she would come back to me.
> 
> ...


Does she now realize how completely f*cked up and flawed ^this is?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> I chose other.
> 
> Because my wife told me in advance that she was going to have an affair, but that she loved me and that it was just a fling and that she would come back to me.
> 
> ...


That is 'in your face'. It's plain wrong. How did you handle this ?


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

RWB said:


> How many of us BS have looked across the room and uttered... *"Who Really are YOU?"*


OMG yes, probably 100 times during the initial 4-6 weeks of TT. And I quite seriousoy think that's why I had to leave. I truly, really didn't think it was in her to be this way, and now it was and I understood that I just didn't actually know this person before me as I thought I had. Which is what hurts, because you so very much believed that you did.

I've heard it several times here where the BS feels like aliens invaded and replaced the WS they knew with an look-alike replica without the same heart or soul...

When I left as she continued to ask to save the marriage, at one point I also politely and plainly told her I couldn't be married to someone that I don't even know. It just made me completely question everything else about her. Everything.


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## Lancer (Sep 15, 2014)

Confession shortly after the affair ended.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

"the tuck rule still hurts. Sorry you had to deal with this issue that day. Good for you to take action immediately. I hope it turned out the way that benefits you"

I guess it turn out ok this was an EA that I caught just before it was going to be PA but it was the hardest to get her out of the "Fog" (I hate that term)

Yes that stupid tuck rule....worst officiating I have seen


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

RWB said:


> That's about right.
> 
> My wife was on Summer Vacation (Teacher) and was staying up late on FB... many hours every night. My daughter noticed that "Mom" was FB-ing at 4am and the only "friend" online was her and some man she recently friended. My daughter suspected the worse, hacked my wife's email and went straight to the _infamous SENT box_. It was all there, even conversations about previous affairs.
> 
> ...


so if you don't mind me asking, how did you get through that next month before you read the emails ? I am glad your family and especially your daughter stepped to the plate. If I caught my Mom doing that, I don't think I could ever forgive it


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Thinkitthrough said:


> Wife was away for three days to a friends cottage. I futzed up the computer and did a system restore. found some odd short cuts and so I opened them. First I found emails she had exchange with the "Magnificent Lover". They talked about the unusual positions, puxxy crying for your kok and filling *****. Some suk and nibble stuff too. Phoned her asked her what the file was and first she said she didn't recognize it, then she said it was a part for a novel she was writing, then it was research for her novel, then she said it didn't matter cause the guy was dead, Finally yes it was to her sex partner, and she didn't feel anything for hem, he was just really good and bed. Then she warned me not to read on. Too Late. Then I found a file of 24 pictures they had taken of each other having sex, finished have sex and a cream pie shot. Called her again, WTF. She warned me not to look at them, Too late.
> I started looking and found 3 different videos oh him beating it to giver her a dribble. From the emails my wife sent him pictures of herself and he sent the videos. The also mention watching a video they had made, but the wife said it was the beater video. I don't believe her. The more I looked the more stuff I found. When she got home the "S it hit the fan. general cheater speak, It wasn't her, didn't want me to get hurt, didn't think I would find them, they were his pictures and he sent the a set she intended to delete and had never looked at them. Found out they met some months earlier and had a ONS and that when I fell deathly ill she looked him up as a way to relieve the tension of taking care of me. Really sucked too, she went to see him when I was home on holiday. Currently cohabitating but separated and moving on D



Good God, Man. Pure evil


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

convert said:


> "the tuck rule still hurts. Sorry you had to deal with this issue that day. Good for you to take action immediately. I hope it turned out the way that benefits you"
> 
> I guess it turn out ok this was an EA that I caught just before it was going to be PA but it was the hardest to get her out of the "Fog" (I hate that term)
> 
> Yes that stupid tuck rule....worst officiating I have seen


yes it was. The only time it was ever ruled that way in a playoff game. Woodson had recovered the fumble, it was over. I hate it to this day. 

I hate the term 'fog' too. There has to be a better term for it


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Lancer said:


> Confession shortly after the affair ended.


I wonder why there aren't more confessions?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

wmn1 said:


> I hate the term 'fog' too. There has to be a better term for it


It has had two prior names...

The first was "I was having such a good time screwing the other person that I totally forgot about you, the kids, my vows, my obligations as a mature adult, our relationship.... until I finally had had my fill of it all and decided to take you back."

As that was too long, they called it *F*vcked *O*ver *G*ood, or f.o.g., now shortened to fog.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

I found out by a combination of methods.
I knew something was wrong, because she avoided contact with me the night after they had sex the first time, and for the duration of the PA (a little over a week ). 
Then on Dday, we had a huge fight, and she blurted it out. I think I've said before that she had anger management issues. One of the symptoms is the inability to keep your mouth shut. When she was angry she would say the most hurtful things she could think of, and that's what happened.
Looking back on it, it was almost funny, how she looked after blurting it out. She was scared sh*tless that I was going to beat her or something. But all I did was show her the door from the outside, which pissed her off even more because it proved to her ( in her mind) that I didn't care about her.
The thing is, that after she had time to cool down, she immediately wanted to come home, but I wouldn't let her.


----------



## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

RWB said:


> That's about right.
> 
> My wife was on Summer Vacation (Teacher) and was staying up late on FB... many hours every night. My daughter noticed that "Mom" was FB-ing at 4am and the only "friend" online was her and some man she recently friended. My daughter suspected the worse, hacked my wife's email and went straight to the _infamous SENT box_. It was all there, even conversations about previous affairs.
> 
> ...


I told my WW several times she's not the person I thought she was. She was raised going to church any time the church door swung open. Her father was a deacon. I thought she and her family were better people than me, thought I had married up. WRONG! Her family are decent people but I now see they aren't any better people than me and my family. Really question the way she was raised. Spoiled and entitled. Should have seen that from the get go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

I found out only because the cell phone bill that month was almost double.

I asked the ex-wife about the bill and was told that our teen daughter was the cause.

I got online and saw that it was the exes phone number with calls and texts to the same number. The number showed up for the past 3 months.

I was looking at the number and thought it looked familiar, checked my phone and noticed that it was a friend of mine that i worked with.

I instantly knew what was up, threw the laptop down and confronted her.

She then confessed and i walked out of the room, got in the car and drove up to work to confront him.

No R, i moved out a week later.

Even looking back, there were no red flags. We rarely fought, sex life was the same, no hidden phones, weird behavior, etc.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Janky said:


> I found out only because the cell phone bill that month was almost double.
> 
> I asked the ex-wife about the bill and was told that our teen daughter was the cause.
> 
> ...


Was the OM married? 

Did you permanently adjust his face?

Did your ex and the OM end up getting married?


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Didn't want to complain. 

After a million red flags and lack of committment and priority I knew something was wrong for a long time. It wasn't good.

So after being on TAM for the longest, I went ahead and did the VAR. I put it in the bedroom behind a picture.

Her girlfriend and her were talking about some "girl stuff", some of it was over the top and in appropriate, but I knew it was possible still without actual "cheating".

So after the VAR caught something that quick, I put it in the car. VAR picked up 12 hours on a party night. It doesn't take long for them to start talking inappprorpiate. And weight lifter is right, you get it quick.

From there I was able to look at old iCloud backups and iMessage. The iCloud was to middle of August of 2013. I saw all I needed to see in there.

I decided to see if some had dropped off, tons of innappropriate convo's, and pictures going back and forth up till a week ago.

On the VAR she was talking to the "new guy friend" and was like, "well, blazay, bla is sending me a ticket to Italy. And he says up front, 'you know i don't want to have a woman'. What am I? 'Jump off' material? I'm not 'jump off' material".

It killed me to hear it and how she allowed him to kinda dominate some of the convo and submissive tones around him. 

Anyway it's all there, and by the way, it feels better to know it's probably a lie.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Was the OM married?
> 
> Did you permanently adjust his face?
> 
> Did your ex and the OM end up getting married?


OM's wife had recently left him and moved out of state.

The ex called OM to let him know i found out after i confronted her and he left work to go home.

So i get up to work and hes gone, i go by his house, he wont come outside. He calls in sick to work the rest of the week and i tell everyone i know what was going one, her family, ppl at work, and all friends.

Boss calls me into his office and warns me of being let go if anything happens.

And yes, they did end up getting married and are still married. 

That was 6 years ago and it took me at least 2 years to get over everything and not hate her anymore.

I have been cheated on a few times by different gf's since then but the hurt was nothing compared to the first time.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> I wonder why there aren't more confessions?


Because they intend to get away with it.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"So i get up to work and hes gone, i go by his house, he wont come outside. He calls in sick to work the rest of the week"

Typical p*ssy.

Things like this are why I don't truly buy the whole 'OM is more alpha' schtick that some posters identify with.

These scumbags are ANYTHING but alpha males.

The run and hide behind the cops or others....anything to avoid having to answer for their behavior to another angry male they have just screwed over.

Total cowards.

If a WW is stupid enough to believe that is alpha and attractive, she ain't worth keeping anyway.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> "So i get up to work and hes gone, i go by his house, he wont come outside. He calls in sick to work the rest of the week"
> 
> Typical p*ssy.
> 
> ...



The OM in my situation was anything put a alpha male. He has some injury that makes him limp and use a cane. Young guy. I'm sure some story on the injury. Yadda yadda. My fiance just felt so very sorry for him. I guess it was up to her in her brain to make life good for him as a result of his wanting sympathy and I'm sure pulling heart string story. Alpha never entered the picture.


----------



## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

RWB said:


> How many of us BS have looked across the room and uttered... *"Who Really are YOU?"*


Always liked the band The Who. Think I'll start playing their song "Who Are You" around the house when WW is around. Crank it up loud, sit back and SMILE.:rofl:


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> I chose other.
> 
> Because my wife told me in advance that she was going to have an affair, but that she loved me and that it was just a fling and that she would come back to me.
> 
> ...


Ouch! That wasn't very nice, I hope you didn't accept such behaviour?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Personal said:


> Ouch! That wasn't very nice, I hope you didn't accept such behaviour?


Of course I did. Well, the Internet barely existed back then, let alone TAM.

So, yes, I basically niced her out of the affair.

But in one way it was nice of her as if I'd have found out by myself, that would have been worse, I think.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

wmn1 said:


> That is 'in your face'. It's plain wrong. How did you handle this ?


Oh, I just let it go. Then we rugswept, I started drinking heavily, had a revenge affair. Nothing special.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Does she now realize how completely f*cked up and flawed ^this is?


Not certain. I'd like to think so, but because of the way her mind works (High Functioning Asperger's) its hard to know.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Oh, I just let it go. Then we rugswept, I started drinking heavily, had a revenge affair. Nothing special.


I know the RA hurt you but how did your wife react?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

wmn1 said:


> so if you don't mind me asking, *how did you get through* that next month before you read the emails ? I am glad your family and *especially your daughter stepped to the plate. *If I caught my Mom doing that, I don't think I could ever forgive it


My Son who is a LEO ask me to not read the emails at DD. He knew I was literally crazy and feared the worst. I know some here feel that's silly, but if you haven't been in "pit" don't judge. 

Get Through? I really don't remember. The first few months were a blurry mix of anger, sadness, clarity, apathy. 

I remember telling my daughter... you are my HERO. She is very quick, smart, a little brazen... 1st rate Lawyer. She literally saved me. She and I will always have a special connection. My wife knows... she forfeited that. Sad...


----------



## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

RWB said:


> My Son who is a LEO ask me to not read the emails at DD. He knew I was literally crazy and feared the worst. I know some here feel that's silly, but if you haven't been in "pit" don't judge.
> 
> Get Through? I really don't remember. The first few months were a blurry mix of anger, sadness, clarity, apathy.
> 
> I remember telling my daughter... you are my HERO. She is very quick, smart, a little brazen... 1st rate Lawyer. She literally saved me. She and I will always have a special connection. My wife knows... she forfeited that. Sad...


How is the relationship with your ww and the kids,


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Oh. Oh, my God.


Your daughter desrves a medal for looking out for you so well


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

RWB said:


> That's about right.
> 
> My wife was on Summer Vacation (Teacher) and was staying up late on FB... many hours every night. My daughter noticed that "Mom" was FB-ing at 4am and the only "friend" online was her and some man she recently friended. My daughter suspected the worse, hacked my wife's email and went straight to the _infamous SENT box_. It was all there, even conversations about previous affairs.
> 
> ...


Your daughter should be given a medal for having your back so well.

I remember when i busted my wife on the VAR after hearing her and the other man making fun of me i just looked at her in disgust thinking who the fuc...k are you.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

jim123 said:


> How is the relationship with your ww and the kids,


5 years post DD, considering... pretty good. That being said, my wife has said she will forever feel like "walking on egg shells" when around our daughter.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

wmn1 said:


> That is 'in your face'. It's plain wrong. How did you handle this ?


She has Aspergers, so apparently it is all OK. Btw, did I mention she has Aspergers? Because she has Aspergers, and that means you aren't capable of understanding right or wrong, and can just do whatever you like and people just shrug their shoulders like it is quirky, or understandable, no matter how evil. So there's nothing to see here. She simply had Aspergers.














But whatever helps him sleep at night


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*
WW#1 - Intuition told me. Her change to provocative attire, odd and early/late work hours, being out of her office on numerous "trips," then the piece de resistance, of finding her cleanly shaven(not her face), something she wouldn't do for me! She later filed for divorce herself!
WW#2(Rich, Skanky XW)- I didn't have a clue that she was fooling around as she left me at home to take care of ranch/farm chores, while she was covertly and simultaneously making out-of-town trips in seeing two men from her past, that she had reconnected with on FB; then driving back home to roll my bones without me having the frist damned clue. The sad thing was that I didn't find out about any of it until after our separation roughly a year afterward. And even at that time, she was still rather busy shucking both of their ears of corn! A due examination of cell phone records and FB dialogue some 10-12 months into the separation seemed to do the trick!
*


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> She has Aspergers, so apparently it is all OK. Btw, did I mention she has Aspergers? Because she has Aspergers, and that means you aren't capable of understanding right or wrong, and can just do whatever you like and people just shrug their shoulders like it is quirky, or understandable, no matter how evil. So there's nothing to see here. She simply had Aspergers.
> 
> But whatever helps him sleep at night


Kinda harsh, but I tend to agree.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *
> WW#1 - Intuition told me. Her change to provocative attire, odd and early/late work hours, being out of her office on numerous "trips," then the piece de resistance, of finding her cleanly shaven(not her face), something she wouldn't do for me! She later filed for divorce herself!
> WW#2(Rich, Skanky XW)- I didn't have a clue that she was fooling around as she left me at home to take care of ranch/farm chores, while she was covertly and simultaneously making out-of-town trips in seeing two men from her past, that she had reconnected with on FB; then driving back home to roll my bones without me having the frist damned clue. The sad thing was that I didn't find out about any of it until after our separation roughly a year afterward. And even at that time, she was still rather busy shucking both of their ears of corn! A due examination of cell phone records and FB dialogue some 10-12 months into the separation seemed to do the trick!
> *


Dang. You've been thru the grinder.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> yes it was. The only time it was ever ruled that way in a playoff game. Woodson had recovered the fumble, it was over. I hate it to this day.
> 
> 
> 
> I hate the term 'fog' too. There has to be a better term for it



Toxic infatuation? In love. Sex crazed?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Toxic infatuation? In love. Sex crazed?


I've always viewed the term "fog" like "affair", "mistake", "lossening boundaries"... 

To me they're terms applied to make something horrific seem much less so. And in some cases, sort of chic.


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## Mycroft_63 (Nov 28, 2011)

On December 3, 2006, we are getting into the mini-van to drive back home after visiting my parents. The wife is lagging behind in the house. My daughter, 10 at the time says to me, "Daddy, who is xxxx xxxxx?" as she is holding my wife's RAZR flip phone.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Mycroft_63 said:


> On December 3, 2006, we are getting into the mini-van to drive back home after visiting my parents. The wife is lagging behind in the house. My daughter, 10 at the time says to me, "Daddy, who is xxxx xxxxx?" as she is holding my wife's RAZR flip phone.


and your wife couldn't come up with a story? oh, wrong number! telemarketer! coworker wondering about an assignment, etc

or did that name just help unravel it all?


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## Mycroft_63 (Nov 28, 2011)

I had no clue who OM was, or that there was one. Neither did the kids. She told me it was just a friend. I never read the messages. I should have. The only one I saw ended in xoxoxo. I rugswept it and never put all the signs together until years later.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I know the RA hurt you but how did your wife react?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was hurt and angry, but she suddenly switched to being very sympathetic and understanding.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> She has Aspergers, so apparently it is all OK. Btw, did I mention she has Aspergers? Because she has Aspergers, and that means you aren't capable of understanding right or wrong, and can just do whatever you like and people just shrug their shoulders like it is quirky, or understandable, no matter how evil. So there's nothing to see here. She simply had Aspergers.
> 
> But whatever helps him sleep at night


My wife has Asperger's. That's true. 

And no, it wasn't 'all OK'.

But what is it that *you* have, I wonder? :scratchhead:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I have gas. Too much Coca Cola.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I have gas. Too much Coca Cola.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for sharing


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Bandit are you having some whiskey in that Coke?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> I've always viewed the term "fog" like "affair", "mistake", "lossening boundaries"...
> 
> To me they're terms applied to make something horrific seem much less so. And in some cases, sort of chic.


They are euphemisms. The problem is that being "in love" gives the emotions value and dignity that the betrayed spouse cannot accept. What is love anyways? Sandfly said that "love is chemicals masquerading as choices."

"Fog" implies that once the chemicals dip, the spouse will cancel the affair relationship and recognize it to be mere fornication. Of course, this is true is some cases but it is too simple a reality.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Mycroft_63 said:


> I had no clue who OM was, or that there was one. Neither did the kids. She told me it was just a friend. I never read the messages. I should have. The only one I saw ended in xoxoxo. I rugswept it and never put all the signs together until years later.


So your wife has gas lighted you and gotten away with it?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

wmn1 said:


> yes it was. The only time it was ever ruled that way in a playoff game. Woodson had recovered the fumble, it was over. I hate it to this day.
> 
> I hate the term 'fog' too. There has to be a better term for it


rut


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Kylie84 said:


> Bandit are you having some whiskey in that Coke?


No mam. Bandito cannot drink.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Looking back it is easy to see I was totally naïve. Which is probably my signature characteristic. But the weirdness became to much to ignore.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> No mam. Bandito cannot drink.


What's that like?


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## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

Dday 1: saw a text displayed in window of phone...WS had gotten so complacent or wanted to be busted after 6 years he just let it lay around anywhere..thank god one of the kids didn't see it first.

Dday 2: OW 2 vindictively tells me in an an email that WS had an affair 20 years earlier ...WS finally admits to this a year and half into R.

Actually, I had recieve an anonymous letter warning me about the first but he denied, gaslighted and I was so trusting I let it go. In the case of the second I suspected an affair,soft confronted but again gaslighted. Trust kept me in denial.

We are still together in a workable R but I still have to fight off the almost schizophrenic thinking in my mind where a lot of anger and resentment still lie and where I privately vent to...myself. Not healthy I know...now it seems I live the double life! LOL

I have hope that in time the pain will disappear and I will completely forgive but I know I will never view him in the way I did before.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

You all remember Morituri? That was worse than the clown train. Also, because it in fact happened. Just awful, what this stuff is about.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

He was a good poster.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

This is an interesting thread. There are lots of common denominators and lots of different circumstance. One near constant is that everyone had their heart broken. Their vision of what was shattered. There is great variety in how they all moved on from there. Morituri wisely did not look back. Others here too. Others did what was right by their own lights for reasons described at length sometimes here. And they could have saved themselves a lot of pain. But worried about the cost. Externalities of this stuff. 'taint pretty.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Harken Banks said:


> This is an interesting thread. There are lots of common denominators and lots of different circumstance. One near constant is that everyone had their heart broken. Their vision of what was shattered. There is great variety in how they all moved on from there. Morituri wisely did not look back. Others here too. Others did what was right by their own lights for reasons described at length sometimes here. And they could have saved themselves a lot of pain. But worried about the cost. Externalities of this stuff. 'taint pretty.


I can honestly say because there were many problems in my marriage, I was not heartbroken. It finally answered a lot of questions. My anguish was for the uncertainty of my children's future. I was really p!ssed about that. AND I was mad about the years that were taken away from me without my consent


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Morituri... "The currency of the affair is Sex."


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Toxic infatuation? In love. Sex crazed?


CCS! CRAZY CROTCH SYNDROME!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nightmare01 (Oct 3, 2014)

Both my WW and I worked in the technology field - as did OM. So WW with the help of OM covered her tracks really well. I never found any directly incriminating email or photos.

OM was always around though. And although there wasn't any overt signs my suspicions were piqued. I searched but found no direct signs of anything.

What caught her was more related to what I didn't find.

I did see signs of hidden email accounts. Her browser history was always deleted. Things like that, and I thought - she's hiding something... what sort of thing would she hide? No one else in the house but me and the kids.. so what would she hide from me explicitly?

What I did was start a journal where I documented anything she did that seemed OFF. With each of these entries I would write as if I were trying to explain away her actions as innocent. This went on for some months (as I said, she was careful). In the end though I figured out that an affair was going on, about how long it had been going on, and with who.

I confronted, but of course she denied. And here is where I hate myself... because I SO wanted to believe her, that I let off and said I believed her.

I didn't believe her in my heart though, and I kept up with my journal of her activity and kept the pressure on her. In the end she confessed.. over email when I was on a trip 3000 miles from home.

Not the greatest way to get a confession.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

nightmare01 said:


> Both my WW and I worked in the technology field - as did OM. So WW with the help of OM covered her tracks really well. I never found any directly incriminating email or photos.


so, in hindsight (being 20/20), could you have done anything different to catch them earlier? keylogger? var? gps? or were they mainly communicating in person? 'meeting' in the office

workplace only affairs seem almost impossible to uncover


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

ReidWright said:


> so, in hindsight (being 20/20), could you have done anything different to catch them earlier? keylogger? var? gps? or were they mainly communicating in person? 'meeting' in the office
> 
> workplace only affairs seem almost impossible to uncover


Sad thing about office affairs - everyone other than the BS knows.


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