# Wives: Why do you respect & disrespect your husband



## Anonymous123456 (Feb 10, 2015)

Hello,

I am completely in love with my fiancee and want to make sure I do everything I can to help create the happy marriage we both deserve. I feel like mutual respect is a huge component of a healthy marriage. I'm trying to learn what kinds of things make women gain respect and lose respect for their husbands (perhaps this happens gradually over time) in order to make sure I don't unconsciously contribute to a gradual decline in mutual respect for one another.

I understand the importance of sharing chores such as laundry, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, buying groceries, etc.. etc… I make sure to help as much as possible with those items. 

P.S. Have any of you ever read "Love & Respect" by Emmerson Eggerichs. I would love to get a lot of thoughts on the book and its content.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I read it several years ago. I thought it was good, especially the part about when you feel a power struggle coming on, stopping and praying with each other.

My husband is not very emotional, so that makes our marriage pretty easy. He doesn't take things personally. The more confident the man is in himself, the easier things seem to go.

But it has to be true confidence, based on solid values, like honesty and integrity.

Humility in both spouses is very important. Do not be afraid to be the first to say, "I did not treat you the way I myself would've liked to have been treated. Can I have a do over?" 

I think with transparency and humility, you will have a very good marriage.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I don't believe women respect men for helping with household chores.

I think they respect men who possess a set of values, act according to those values, and make decisions about who or what gets to be involved in his life based on those values.


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

Hicks said:


> I don't believe women respect men for helping with household chores.
> 
> I think they respect men who possess a set of values, act according to those values, and make decisions about who or what gets to be involved in his life based on those values.


I don’t believe all 3 billion women on the earth are the same. Sorry, there is no blanket answer that solves “the mystery of women.” Some are rotten, some are great.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I respect men who help with household chores.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Perhaps helping with chores doesn't engender respect, but NOT helping with chores will absolutely trigger resentment which kills respect.

Avoiding things that make a woman loose respect for you is a priority.

I respect honesty and integrity. I respect strength, both physical and emotional. I respect authenticity. I respect forthrightness and firm boundaries. I respect a person who can admit their mistakes more than a person who doesn't make them. I respect a person who can say the truth of what's on their mind in as gentle a manner as possible. I respect a person who can show compassion while leading. I respect a person who understand their own strengths and weaknesses and seeks to grow. I respect courage and critical thinking. 

Understand that you can respect a person even if you don't really like them. And you can like a person even if you don't really respect them very much.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hicks said:


> I don't believe women respect men for helping with household chores.
> 
> I think they respect men who possess a set of values, act according to those values, and make decisions about who or what gets to be involved in his life based on those values.



I don't respect men who "help with household chores". I do respect men who do their part in the house because they live there. I work too and I ain't your maid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't respect men who "help with household chores". I do respect men who do their part in the house because they live there. I work too and I ain't your maid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


Preach, sister!!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't respect men who "help with household chores". I do respect men who do their part in the house because they live there. I work too and I ain't your maid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Won't you even wear a maid outfit?&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

jld said:


> I respect men who help with household chores.



Does drywall count?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Understand that you can respect a person even if you don't really like them. And you can like a person even if you don't really respect them very much.



My zombie marriage in a nutshell...

(Who's the pic in your avatar Anon?)


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

jld said:


> I respect men who help with household chores.


In the first 10 years of my marriage I was consistent ,helped a lot in house chores ; changing diapers , following a kid playing , crawling on floor to feed them , bring grocery , help cooking , etc ...

When i became ill and had some health issues , all what i got was disrespect ...

then slowly sex became a favor from her; or a duty to fulfill.


from vanilla I accepted even ; I reached the point were if I initiate , she wouldn't even give a .hit.


Not to generalize ; but all over the world there are types of the lovely creature called women :

-respect husbands as long as they are respectful.
-respect husbands as long as they able to give, spend time and money .
-respect husbands as long as they are powerful.

My wife disrespected me when I dared to tell her that budget is limited this month to necessities;I became disrespectful because I broke an arm onetime and after few weeks when felt better i dared to ask for specific positions in sex ...

Ladies , you are lovely creatures ;why your husbands becomes a$$holes just if they don't help in your specialization .

If I do equal chores at home that are yours ; will you take over mine when I m tired ; will you fix the roof , chase moles with traps , etc ...?

Men over the world are paying the price of disrespect because of religion , social effects and what's called "fight for feminism".

Thats my view , think about it ...


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Hicks said:


> I don't believe women respect men for helping with household chores.
> 
> I think they respect men who possess a set of values, act according to those values, and make decisions about who or what gets to be involved in his life based on those values.


Amen to that one!


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I respect honesty and integrity. *I respect strength, both physical and emotional.* I respect authenticity. I respect forthrightness and firm boundaries. I respect a person who can admit their mistakes more than a person who doesn't make them. I respect a person who can say the truth of what's on their mind in as gentle a manner as possible. I respect a person who can show compassion while leading. I respect a person who understand their own strengths and weaknesses and seeks to grow. I respect courage and critical thinking.


It's a good list, but I question respecting physical strength. Isn't that like respecting height or good looks?

Or is it more a recognition of the physical strength difference between men and women (on average)? For instance, I can (and do) lug heavy stuff around the house or yard that my wife couldn't deal with. But if she was a crossfit maniac she could be as strong and not really respect that.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Won't you even wear a maid outfit?��
> _Posted via Mobile Device[
> Posted via Mobile Device
> 
> I have one, it gets used when hubby's been good and finished his part of the house. Added incentive._


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

A man shows respect by doing housework. He does not receive it.

A man should do housework. It has a huge benefit in marriage and is the right thing to do. Earning respect has nothing to do with doing housework.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> It's a good list, but I question respecting physical strength. Isn't that like respecting height or good looks?
> 
> Or is it more a recognition of the physical strength difference between men and women (on average)? For instance, I can (and do) lug heavy stuff around the house or yard that my wife couldn't deal with. But if she was a crossfit maniac she could be as strong and not really respect that.


For me, the strength part is relative to my strength. Even at my strongest my husband at his weakest was infinitely stronger than me. I, personally, could not fully respect a man who was not physically stronger than me. Unfortunately now a days that's a very easy order to fill. My husband has always had the physical strength of a gorilla, no matter what he does or doesn't do. So not fair!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Like JLD, my hubby is not very emotional and doesn't take things personally. If something he does/doesn't do gives me pause, I can tell him and he'll either take it on board or he won't, but he won't get upset or take it as a criticism.

For us, love and respect are equals at the top of our list. And wherever possible, if we are negotiating something we always aim for a win-win outcome. If either of us has to "lose" for the other to "win", neither of us are happy with that.

Humility is also a biggie...when I get all hormonal and cry 'cause he "did something" which was nothing really, lol, or I'm tired and snappy I always apologise to him later if I snapped at him...and vice versa if he's stressed and snaps at me.

Love, respect and humility. Throw in a healthy mix of honesty, integrity and commitment, and you'll having a loving, happy marriage


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

Cliche, but, choose your battles. Put the ego to the side. Communicate every day. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want, not demand. Be kind to each other. Laugh often. Have organization when it comes to who/how the home will be taken care of, bills, your own self. Know your partner well and yourself even better and the rest shouldn't be a struggle. Have some type of faith and positivity in your life.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I respect someone with self-respect.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I haven't read Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs ... but I sure heard wonderful things about it.. the reviews on Amazon are outstanding & well over 1,500 !.. Sounds a phenomenal book to read for any couple starting out ....or tying to improve their relationship...

I wrote a little on respect in another thread.. ..



> One wife said "‘I think that basically, you can’t just be in love with a man. I think you have got to admire him and like him."
> 
> Just a handful...
> 
> ...


There are some disagreements on whether one can emasculate a man..I feel we can make our men "FEEL that way" by our actions / disrespect / reactions.. some men may be unmovable.. I can't say mine is like this.. although he is not one to complain or show emotion in a negative sense.... he is very controlled...yet my actions & how I treat him DO effect him & his outlook on us , our lives together.. whether that be "so /so" ...drudgery or something he enjoys coming home to, treasuring our time together... 

I like these 3 sayings...


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

What is considered housework? If men are performing "mommy duties" then yes women wont respect a man as time progresses. It definitely doesnt get the panties wet.

If by house work we are talking manly duties such as fixing things, whilst wearing a carhatt jacket and levi's, the yes a blueberry pie might be waiting on the windowsill along with a sexual treat.

How many times do we see women ration out sex for completing a task around the house. It's definitely not for folding laundry or washing windows. Its usually fixing something that has been deemed as a male oriented task.

A dishwashing male is a new age phenomenon. Whatever happened to the supermoms? Who worked a full time job, made dinner, cooked and cleaned with no complaints? It seems that element is missing in life. Now there is this whole equal opportunity home lifestyle, where over time the man becomes a Daddigan aka another child. They become drones and slaves to her. Jokes about who's the boss of the house bandied about to friends and family at get togethers. The woman resents him for not pulling up his gonads and she finds another man to fulfill her.

Women arent looking for a man to sparkle the china.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I don't get this idea that women are not attracted to men who do housework. My attraction to my husband has never decreased upon seeing him do housework. If anything, it makes me feel more loved. And when I feel loved, I want to be close.


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

Anonymous123456 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am completely in love with my fiancee and want to make sure I do everything I can to help create the happy marriage we both deserve. I feel like mutual respect is a huge component of a healthy marriage. I'm trying to learn what kinds of things make women gain respect and lose respect for their husbands (perhaps this happens gradually over time) in order to make sure I don't unconsciously contribute to a gradual decline in mutual respect for one another.
> 
> ...



I read the book. But prior to my current marriage. I got a lot out of it and learned a lot. I would recommend couples reading it. I think there are DVDs available. You need to show love to your wife and she needs to feel it before she will show respect to her man. Avoid the cycle!!!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Rooster2014 said:


> You need to show love to your wife and she needs to feel it before she will show respect to her man.


:iagree: It starts with the husband.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That could end up in an infinite loop if said wife is unable or unwilling to feel said love... You can't love someone and simply settle in that they may love you back.


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