# Man enough?!



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's rare that I question myself like this... but having been such an idiot so many times with the missus and her manipulative streak, I'm starting to wonder if I'm even the right guy for her.

Whenever I'm relaxed, the next minute she steals my throne. I wrestle her off... then she plays sweet little princess, until I'm relaxed again... then it happens again! Bah! It was fun for a while as I wanted a woman who can challenge me...

But now it's driving me nuts because the issues we're fighting over right now are no longer harmless random BS that we can just use as 'foreplay' to have makeup sex over.

She hurt me real bad during this fight by telling me a few days ago she expects me to be able to handle her and expressing her disappointment. LIKE WTF?! She apologised and kept trying to say she didn't mean it but those words cut me deep. I'm not showing it but darn it...

So ok, she wants me to be her daddy, friend, lover, and counsellor all in one package. What she looking for? Alpha? Beta? Both? Some of each? None of each? Hell... she's been stuck with me for so long, and I thought I got myself quite a trophy, then she just had to say that line to me... and now running off to homebase since she can't get me to stop me "torturing her" by simply getting her to continue counselling with me.

Feel like cutting her off completely at the moment. Heck, almost feel like cheating too. Man, she really insulted me... Can't believe I can be this worked up over a comment, is this normal?!

So, if I give in to her, I know she won't respect me.
Now as I don't give in to her, she says I can't handle her.

So should I get surgery for an extra pair of ballsacs? QUAD BALLS! Bah! Maybe someone should strap her to a rocket and launch her to Alpha Centauri and see if she can find herself an alien dude with quad balls and tentacles to f--k her brains out all day.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Only thing I can think of, or suggest, to change up the dynamic in your case is go with shock and awe.

I'm only partially joking.

Get yourself a script for viagra and beat her at her own game. Something similar to what I'm describing happened to a male poster here ... his wife started insisting on 3X a day, and all of a sudden he became the LD partner. 

Think you can pull that off, or do you reckon it would only make things worse?

What if you were to turn the tables and start aggressively initiating with her, instead of her leading the charge?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I tried that all through this year, I was the one initiating most of the time but she felt put down if I didn't initiate when she's horny or when she's giving me the green light or when she's initiating herself. I can't do it 3x a day unless for short periods of time like 2 weeks on holidays or something when we can just eat, make love, relax, sleep, and repeat. Aggressively taking her doesn't solve it, we did that quite often.

*sighs* Still, how could she say that to me... bah! Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but that really p---ed me off. Since she's gone to "homebase" now I feel like going for a drive and start flirting around and cheer myself up.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> She hurt me real bad during this fight by telling me a few days ago she expects me to be able to handle her and expressing her disappointment.


What did she mean by that?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Exactly what it sounds like I'm afraid. Seems like she expects too much from me. Bah!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Exactly what it sounds like I'm afraid. Seems like she expects too much from me. Bah!


It’s not at all clear to me. Did she mean handling her temperament, her sexual needs, financial needs or something else? Be clear about it and don’t assume others know what you are on about.

It’s all well and good you having your intuition but unless you check it out with open and then closed questions all you are doing is working at the level of your imagination and not in reality. That is you will be working at your level of subjectivity, not your wife’s level of subjectivity.

You’ll be like two ships passing in the night, only seeing the lights on the outside and never seeing let alone understanding what’s going on down below decks.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

How much space do you have away from her?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

From the way she said it and how she tried to apologise, it's like she was telling me "you're not man enough"... hence the topic title, in regards to my apparent inability to handling both her sexual needs and temperament. She wants me to satisfy her 3-4x a day min, and seems to want me to "solve her demons" instead of using counsellors. I work with my intuition along with logic, it's never pure feeling.



> How much space do you have away from her?


Not much, she whines about it if she doesn't get to see me enough.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

I'm sure that is part of your problem,I'm new to much of this myself but for some reason I could tell from your post,you live in each others pockets.
Does she have outside interests or a circle of friends


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Sounds to me like you are dancing to your wife’s tune. She’s the fiddle in her hands and you are dancing to it. Bit like a puppet on a string. That’s no way to manage and run your life. If you don’t like her tune, dance to your own.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

You are running the risk of owning all of her problems. She wants you to be the solution for her happiness, which you can never do. My marriage counselor is really making progress in showing me that my wife wanted me to own her depression, to make it go away, plus every other insecurity. Guess what? She began to harbor deep resentment when I couldn't do it. Over two decades, it has become so ingrained that the therapist says we are years away from something healthy. Took me twenty years to even realize that I had emotional needs. So much crazymaking going on that the focus stays on the ones that cause depression, near suicide, and insecurities, which were all hers.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> She hurt me real bad during this fight by telling me a few days ago *she expects me to be able to handle her and expressing her disappointment.* LIKE WTF?! She apologised and kept trying to say she didn't mean it but those words cut me deep. I'm not showing it but darn it...





RandomDude said:


> From the way she said it and how she tried to apologise, *it's like she was telling me "you're not man enough"..*. hence the topic title, in regards to my apparent inability to handling both her sexual needs and temperament.


You are assigning your own thoughts onto what she is saying. She never said the words "You aren't man enough." She told you she expects you to be able to "handle her and expressing her disappointment."

Which is ironic. Because you should flip that on her: "How interesting-- I ALSO expect you to be able to handle me in expressing my disappointment instead of getting angry and upset whenever I tell you I am not ok with something and holding me to a different standard." 

She is acting very selfishly. That seems to be the theme here. She wants you to roll over and do whatever SHE says but God forbid you have a difference of opinion or want to try a different approach. Very unhealthy. 

It's not that you aren't "man enough"--it's that you have stood up to her--and told her you aren't going to play solely by her rules anymore. 

Re: cheating -- don't. As you know, it solves nothing. And also, with someone going through so many problems related to sex anyway, I'd think having sex with someone else would be the last thing that could "fix" anything.

And also, don't get "quad balls" either.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@LFC

She has a large circle of friends, but she still seems to prefer annoying me.

@AFEH

That's what I'm trying, yet she's getting worse and worse.

@Halien

Damn... 20 yrs is a long time to solve this issue =/
And yes, she seems to want me to be some sort of hero or some crap. But even superheroes (well, maybe not superman) are human.

@Jellybeans

Disappointment is a cruel word to use =/
*sighs* Just the way she said it, can't explain it... including the way she tried to take back what she said. I won't cheat, but the thoughts are definitely flying around.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

Make it her challenge to relax and seduce you. If she wants it that often then the onus is on her to get YOU in the mood. Have fun with it. Your situation is completely reversed from most - so use that to your advantage. Don't tell her you can't or won't do that. Tell her that her behavior has turned you off. That your more than willing and want to connect with her often but she has to create the environment where YOUR desire can grow. Tell her she needs to "women" up and meet some of your needs so you can feel that desire level. You can get a lot of mileage out of this to give her incentive to behave better, and in the process you might find you actually ARE more interested................. and the times you are not up to it. Make it about how she is so hot and so much woman that she totally exhausted you. It's a complement to her sexuality. That you can't wait till you have a had a chance to recover so you can have your way with her again. Frame it differently.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Looking at your situation, have you considered a "Taken in Hand" or "Domestic Discipline" relationship, or at least adding components of these to your own relationship?

Perhaps putting some structure to what your wife is seeking in the marriage will remove so much of the anxiety her requests, needs, and desires put on you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Eagleclaw

Oh I've tried that, and hell sometimes she even listens to me, and enjoyed me at my best. But I'm not a bloody on/off switch, I take time to get me in the mood. This trait of mine allows me to understand why women need patience and romance too but unfortunately my wife with her 3x a day sex drive throws that all out the door! 

This year, before this fight, we had a good run, or so I thought. Things were great, not as frequent, but there was passion, romance, the tease, the fun. Now it's back to ballsac-milking.

@BigBadWolf

Erm, where's that site again? I lost it =/


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Take the Taken In Hand tour | Taken In Hand

Domestic discipline (DD) | Taken In Hand

Google Domestic Discipline Results

And I'll throw this one in:

Secretary (2002) - IMDb


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Yup, any woman who ever makes mention of a man "handling" her is a red flag for "entitled, spoiled, empowered, brat". (not necassarily you W)

What they fail to realize is that "handling" went away with the rule of thumb.


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