# Secret Cell Phone



## Inadaze (Nov 16, 2010)

I found out in November that my h had another affair. The last one was 6 years ago and after being exposed we went to mc. Even though I had sworn to him and myself that if it ever happened again I would be gone, I just couldn't not try to work it out again. I don't really know if I'm afraid of losing him or really just afraid of being alone. We have been together 21 years and have two beautiful daughters (15,11). 

He is always so sorry, and doesn't know how he let it happen, blah, blah, blah. This last time I told him he needed to go to IC because I really feel that he has major self esteem issues which makes it easier for him to get caught up in feeling like someone new is interested in him. Both times he was very in it emotionally with these other women but especially this time (by the way they were much younger). 
I went to IC myself and it really helped me get over some of the feelings I still harbored from the past. I put my whole heart into working it out for good this time. I figured the worst that could happen was that I would get hurt again and then finally know it wasn't going to work. Well it is now May and I thought things were going pretty good. A couple weeks ago I found some prepaid phone cards and started getting suspicious. I asked him about them b/c he no longer has a prepaid card, he is on our family plan. He said they were old ones that he found when cleaning out his car. After investigating for a few weeks, I found out he had another cell phone. I confronted him, he admitted it (after trying to lie). He then got upset with me and said he needed to leave to think. I was so upset and felt crazed. I had to talk to him and find out what was he thinking! He wouldn't answer the phone or my texts. He told me to leave him alone. He stayed at his dad's that night (so he says). We finally spoke on the phone the next day and he said he just hadn't been able to get closure with her. He needed to talk with her some more to finalize things in his head. He said he hasn't been unfaithful again! Said he didn't see her in person. Amazing! He is sorry, wants to work things out again and says he threw the phone away a few days before I had confronted him. I told him I am done this time and need time away from him. He is staying with his dad. We are supposed to meet in a couple days to talk. I don't even know what to do. I love him and we have been good friends for all this time but I don't know if I can put my heart out there again. How do you know if someone really is ready to be with you when this has happened? How many chances should you give someone? Even if he swears no contact, I will never really know if it's true. 

So confused, tired and physically sick from all of this!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I can't give much advice on the relationship part, as mine is still shaky. I have, unfortunately, come to know about those darn prepaid phones.

If you had it, you could look at the call history. Even without it, you can go online and look at the call history. You have to have the passwords, etc. But you can look at the call history, even with a prepaid phone.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Inadaze said:


> Even if he swears no contact, I will never really know if it's true.


I am struggling with this as well. With today's technology, that is very true. They can always get another prepaid phone, email address, etc. I am told that trust can be re-built, but it takes committment and time.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You are on a cycle of hurt and he is not helping you. Sorry for you being here. Expose his affair again include her family and friends, apart from committing to NC have him write down all the details e.g, when be started again, what they talked about, have they met, did he realy get rid of the phone etc. Then tell him you will be arranging a polygraph if he fails he is out, assume he will either at the last minute tell the whole truth or cancel the test. If he does come clean do not let him home. Go to the marriagebuilders.com site and read up on extraordinary precautions , if you decide to continue the marriage he follows something like the MB programme.

Take time to think clearly, give yourself some space, vent , cry and shout, when finished be rational , decide what you want .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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