# Guys...Is he "Just not that into me?"



## confusedwantingmore (Apr 28, 2011)

Hello everyone, 
I need some dating advise. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months, we have a lot in common, I enjoy spending time with him and everything seemed to be going well. Until, that is he canceled a date we had planned. We were going to have a date after work, dinner and hang out kind of plans (he lives about an hour away from me and take turns going the driving to see each other). He sent me a text a few hours before our date saying that he was really sleepy and had a hard day. So I asked if he needed to re-schedule or if he wanted me to do the long drive to see him instead of him doing the driving while he was tired. He said he needed to sleep, so I was bummed but I thought that because he has a physical job that I would give him the benefit of the doubt. BTW, I'm a single mom and I had already paid for daycare for the night, so after finding a sitter and not being able to cancel on her so last minute I was a bit annoyed that his excuse was "being tired". Anyway, the next date we scheduled I went to see him. He didn't have anything planned and we ended up at a little pub, which is fine except for the fact that he was really into watching the sports game that was on TV. I was watching the game also and I know he is a huge baseball fan so I didn't think much of it. He got a few texts he read but didn't respond to. After we had dinner he invited me up to his place to hang out a bit, I told him I would go up due to the fact that I had two beers, it was late, and I wasn't ready to drive yet. We slept together (not the first time, and most of the time I stay over and leave early the next morning so I'm home before my kids get up) and maybe 10 minutes after we finished (still naked and in bed together) he read another text. He told me that his friend was fighting with his girlfriend and "took off with his car" and he needed a ride. I was kinda in shock and felt like he was kicking me out, but I played it cool and just got dressed. He said he felt really badly about it and asked if I was mad. I said I wasn't mad, we kissed good bye, he walked me to my car and I followed his car to the freeway where we went our separate ways. I told him the next day via text I felt a little blown off, but we didn't dwell on it.
He had been sending me several texts everyday for the whole 6 months we dated and a few days after this happened he stopped texting me. I waited 3 days and then I texted him. He sent a text back and said that he was sorry for not texting but he had been in a funk about work and hadn't been feeling good. I said it was no big deal, I just missed hearing from him. We sent back a few texts back and forth, but after that I haven't heard from him now in over a week. I took the silence as a sign that he needed space, or whatever and I have not sent anything either.
Do you think he is done? Should I write him off as not that into me? Keep waiting? Or what?
I kinda feel like if he was really helping a friend he would have offered/invited for me to go with him. Or told his friend (a grown man) to take a cab cuz he was on a date with someone. 
A male point of view would be helpful for me here. 
:scratchhead: What do you all think?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You're not married...so...just go on with your life. Did you guys confirm you were a couple? If not, then the world is your oyster. If you did have that understanding, then let him know you're going to see other people. 

I'm not one to wait around. If someone wants to be with me, then they'll be with me..no excuses or whatever. Stress at work? Hm. Interesting. He is just trying to be nice. Most people I know want to hang out with someone they like after a crappy day at work.

He could be tired...and that is to be expected, especially the longer you date because things are getting "real"...but...to not respond or contact you in a week? Seems he's taking the pu$$ way out instead of saying he's done.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Have you read the book, Confusedwantingmore? You've got it, he's just not that into you, but I suspect you already know that.

I once clung pathetically to a 'relationship' like this one...convinced that if I waited long enough, or said the right thing, or acted 'cool' enough he'd eventually come around. After about 6 months, I was exhausted from repeatedly switching between trying to steer things my way and waiting things out.

The truth is, if the guy really wants to be with you he will be with you and he will make sure that you know he wants to be with you! As Greg says, it really is that simple. 

This clown sounds like he's trying to 'fade out'. Thereby, he is a coward, to boot!


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't waste time with him. You dated 6 months. Move on. But I PROMISE YOU he'll call within 2 months. lol. They always do.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Don't waste time with him. You dated 6 months. Move on. But I PROMISE YOU he'll call within 2 months. lol. They always do.


Ya...but do yourself a favor, and don't take the call!:lol:


----------



## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Male point of view:

1. If I was with my woman and a dude friend called me and needed a ride, I'd call him a cab. Or I'd bring my girl with me, but I wouldn't send her packing for the night. The guy is a grown adult, he can figure it out for himself. 

2. Many guys do the "fade out" when dumping a girl. It's not very adult, but it's common. This reads like he is doing just that. 

3. If you quit contacting him, that'll give you your answer one way or the other.


----------



## thisthingcalledlife (Oct 6, 2011)

wow. I have been there, you deserve better. fading out...I like the term pu$$ing out better! geez Im sorry, I know what that feels like, its absolutely heartbreaking. I just had to post *BIG HUGS* to you girl..fight the urge to contact him..like the post above said..he will call again... 

And I have found in my short life lol(im so wise right?lol) that just when you think you found the one, and he breaks your heart, you think no one could ever be like him...someone even better comes along, even when you thought that would be impossible. chin up babe ♥


----------



## confusedwantingmore (Apr 28, 2011)

Thanks everyone! I needed to hear what I already knew I guess. Makes me a little mad that he didn't just tell me the truth, I'm a big girl I can take it. 
I'm moving on and if he does call me again, I'll let him know that I need more than a booty call from a flake.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If I'm too tired to meet a girl I'm seriously "into", it's time to call an ambulance. If you're going several days without hearing from the guy, he's either not interested, or he's in a coma, he's been abducted by aliens, or he's in prison. 
His weirdness seemed to coincide with getting text messages. I figure he's got a new thang. Better now than after you've exchanged vows, made kids, and bought a house.
You learned a little something about men and about yourself. Your time hasn't been wasted. This guy is only tossing crumbs and you deserve (and should demand) better. His loss.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't say anything if he should call. When he calls, even if your ID says it's him, answer and say "hello?" when he says hi, ask who it is. When he says his name, pause for a moment and say, "Chris who?" or whatever his name is.

Then say hi and whats up and that you have to go. lollll


----------



## jreed324 (Oct 8, 2011)

Yup. He is not into you and consider yourself dumped. Sorry to be so blunt, especially since I just joined.

It sounds like this guy is a "nice" guy. He may have met someone else and probably felt guilty dumping you. Avoidance is the lowliest way to dump someone. 

Seriously, move on. Even if he does come back around, you should avoid him. He is a boy and not a man. A man faces his challenges head on and would have no problem telling you face to face that it wasn't working out. A real man would also break it off with you without getting in one last "fling."

You have children. I am a Mom too. I often ask myself what I would do if I were single again. I can tell you that I believe I would focus on my son. I wouldn't worry too much about finding a man as I am too busy trying to raise a man.

I have dated plenty and have been married twice. Take my advice if you want to but I believe you are young and will find the "right" one eventually. When you find the "right" one, I doubt he will be making you leave his bed to go take care of a stranded friend.


----------

