# 16 years/4 kids she cheated



## Hadanta (May 14, 2013)

My wife of 16 years cheated on me. After we had our first kid, she stop paying my any attention. Now we have 4 kids, she never made time for me. About a year ago, a old x-boyfriend was found on facebook. A friend of thiers from way back was getting married to his sister. We where invited to the wedding. I didn't feel good about. We went for the friend that was getting married. My wife and her ex talk little. Few days later became friends on facebook with him. He was not living in Calif at the time. His sister moved him here few hours away. This guy been mrried 3 times and has 3 kids from all 3 marriages. When my wife dated him when she was 15 years old. He came back from the Navy, told her he had cheated and that he was leaving her for the other women. She told me ever since I met her, what a ******* he was for doing this to her. But they were talking was able to make a mends and become friends. The last six months, my wife and I stop haveing sex. She wouldn't talk to me about why. I ask her few times if she was seeing or talking to somebody. April 20th was our 16th year together. We went out for the day, when we got back. She only wanted to layt with me. Did'nt feel right in my gut. I had wanted to stay over night, but she didn't. That Wednesday, I toss my GPS phone in her car. Was able to trace her to a hotel, were I caught her with her ex. That night I left the house went to my dads for the night. I was not able to leep or eat, missed my kids. That thursday, I went back to watch the kids, so she could take my older son to a Bon Jovi concert that we got him tickets for his birthday. She invited me tostay that night, I not left since. I can't just walk away from 16 years of mariage. This Wednesday night, were going to see a therapist, were she says she will tell me everything. That I may want to leave her afterwards. I like to save this marriage and get help. But she won't tell him goodbye. She tells me that she needs space and time. I try my best with this. She gave me one reason, was I was not there for her 1 night that she needed to talk. Most nights I get home before her, so I cook dinner and help the kids with homework. The last 6 months, she was comming home later ever night. The night, when she called from work, I was upset, and ask were she was. So she called him and talk. She tells me, that he knows her. She can talk to him, to e its line of ****. He knew her when she was 15 yrs old, not 37 years old with 4 kids. I just have to wait and see what she will say to me. But the last couple of weeks, She has started to do things for me, and has gotten home early. Not sure, if I should take that good sign. We do lay together every night, still no sex. She just tells me she needs space and time. That she does love me. Please Help!!


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I'm sorry your here, your not alone, this is heartbreaking news.
Sounds like you've already decided to try to make this work, ready yourself to be punched in the gut, many more sleepless nights, no desire to work or eat. Your gonna have to focus on you for now. I guess until you hear everything at the MC meeting, you should just do what you can till it happens.

The one and only thing I can recommend or advise is.........the other man must leave the picture, PERIOD. If your wife cant write a no contact letter, that you approve of, delete him from facebook, and agree not talk to him again, I'm afraid the marriage CANT survive. She cant have her cake, and eat it too. 

Good luck


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

First of all I'm very sorry for what has happened to you but you need to keep it together for your kids. Interview several attorneys and get your financials in order. Get a separate bank account and stop all direct deposits to joint accounts. Request financial statements from bank and credit cards. Do the same for phone bills. 

Secondly consider individual counseling. You may need dealing with this betrayal. Find out if the OM is married and expose the ****er.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joe80 (May 18, 2013)

My brother went through something very similar (13-14 years of marriage =5 kids). Wife cheated, ....few months later asked for a divorce, but my brother declined until about 2 years later, then finally said yes, and divorced her. It was horrible. I'm heartbroken to hear this from anybody else. 

Thumper is right, ....the guy NEEDS to be out of the picture! Then counseling (preferrably Christian-counselers) needs to start asap!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Do you know how to contact a moderator here?

If not, I will give you directions.

Your thread needs to be moved to the Coping With Infidelity forum. The people there have lived this. They will give you excellent support and information as to how you should proceed.

PLEASE. Get help from those who have lived with the hell you are experiencing.

I hate to say it, but you are probably her "Plan B" in case the affair with the OM doesn't pan out. At the very least, she is probably still in the "fog" of the affair.


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