# Need help with best friend (girl)



## salvadorboy13 (May 26, 2012)

Im 15 and I just moved into a small private school with about 100 kids this year. I met this girl about 4 months ago and we were great friends. We would talk and laugh all the time, go out for ice cream etc. But after about 2 months she would start talking to me less, and seemed almost annoyed when I spoke with her. Eventually she completely stopped talking to me and wouldn't acknowledge me at all. I did not do anything to make her not like me, it just seemed like we slowly drifted away. So after about a month she sends me a text saying that shes been thinking about me and misses me and that she would tell me why shes been distant in person.

She never did tell me why she stopped talking to me. It was a little awkward talking again but eventually we ended up being just like we were when we first met, if not closer. Everyday we would talk and laugh in class and at lunch, but we haven't seen each other outside of school at all. These past two weeks I feel like were drifting apart again.

During class she would say stuff that are ment to be jokes but i feel that theres some truth to them. She would say that everyones tired of me but were all stuck with you, she would tell me to shutup etc. I think she is half joking half wanting me to leave her alone. during lunch I ask if she wants to hang out and she says shes doing homework or something, but I just see her with her friends. She doesn't respond to my texts, and she never asks to hang out. I feel like I am the only one who wants to hangout or be together, and it feels like I am just a bother for her. I really do enjoy spending time with her and I dont want that to end.

Last night she texted me and apologized for the mean things she said to me and said she was gonna write me a letter saying how sorry she is. She said that she has been feeling unhappy and depressed lately, and that since im the closest one to her she took it out on me. I told her it was ok and that the best part of my day is just talking to you. I told her how i felt about us drifting apart and that i feel she doesnt want to spend time with me, and she said that she felt the exact same way about me and that the reason she wouldnt hang out is that she felt that i wanted my space, which is not true. I wish i could be with her 24/7 and i feel incomplete when im not with her.

The next day at school she does the same thing. She doesnt talk to me at class, says shes too busy to hangout at lunch but shes actually just with her friends. It seemed like she didnt want to talk about what we said yesterday. I feel like she didnt mean the stuff she said, and that she really doesnt want to spend time with me and that she just said that so my feelings would not get hurt. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Do you think that eventually she will want to talk more or is this the end?

I feel like she only wants to talk to me when she doesnt have anyone else to talk to, which is most of the day. But once one of her friends are available she ignores me and hangs out with them. I dont want to be just the person she talks to when shes bored and has no one else to talk to.

I think its important for you to know that I do like her as more than a friend. I have no idea if the feeling is mutal, we never kissed or fooled around or anything, but I feel like she does enjoy my company and laughs at my jokes and is always smiling when i'm around. I want to have a relationship with her, but I feel that both of us are too scared to make a move. My school is very small, and she is my only real friend, and risking that by making a move scares the hell outta me because I would be lost without her. By what I have said do you feel she likes me as more than a friend as well? And should I make a move?


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

salvadorboy13 said:


> By what I have said do you feel she likes me as more than a friend as well? And should I make a move?


In my opinion the answers to both your questions would be "NO".

For sure it would be a bad move to 'make a move'. You seem to be in her friend-zone (most likely not even there!) I think one of the reasons she might be distancing herself from you could be that you might be coming on too strong on her once too often that could be intimidating her. She certainly is not in the same place as you are, and you need to give her (as well as yourself) some space and opportunity to see if there is any potential in your relationship as a friend or more..

Reading your post makes me feel, you don't leave a single opportunity to make yourself more than available to her and encourage her to 'take you for granted'. Remember that a forbidden fruit and alpha males are always attractive to the ladies, and you are just being the opposite. 

When she avoids you and you keep pursuing her you project yourself as a tamed helpless puppy or a doormat. This is not something that females dig. If at all you want to tap any potential that your relationship might have you need to change your behavior. Stop being so available, find different friends to hang out with and distance yourself from her so that she can get an opportunity to miss you. If not anything else, that will be good for your self-esteem.

If you make an attempt I am sure you will find some good friends and you don't have to depend on her as your 'only real friend'. Besides 'real friends' don't abandon you sporadically at their own whims, they stick by you like a rock. I don't see her as a 'real friend' anyhow. 

Lastly, I would like to say.. you are pretty young. Do not let your grades slip because of all this.


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## salvadorboy13 (May 26, 2012)

eowyn said:


> In my opinion the answers to both your questions would be "NO".
> 
> For sure it would be a bad move to 'make a move'. You seem to be in her friend-zone (most likely not even there!) I think one of the reasons she might be distancing herself from you could be that you might be coming on too strong on her once too often that could be intimidating her. She certainly is not in the same place as you are, and you need to give her (as well as yourself) some space and opportunity to see if there is any potential in your relationship as a friend or more..
> 
> ...


Your right, I need to stop being there just when shes bored and has no one to talk to. The thing is I do have plenty of friends to hang out with, and im never alone in that school, but I really enjoy her company more than anything else. When I say shes my only real friend I say that because she is the only person I really connect with. The little time we do spend together is amazing, she helps me with my problems I help her with hers, we laugh and are happy together. She is the only person in my life I can tell my problems to and receive sympathy and encouragement. I feel like we are perfect for each other, but there seems to be an invisible barrier stopping us from being together, and I have no idea what its made out of.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

salvadorboy13 said:


> Your right, I need to stop being there just when shes bored and has no one to talk to. The thing is I do have plenty of friends to hang out with, and im never alone in that school, but I really enjoy her company more than anything else. When I say shes my only real friend I say that because she is the only person I really connect with. The little time we do spend together is amazing, she helps me with my problems I help her with hers, we laugh and are happy together. She is the only person in my life I can tell my problems to and receive sympathy and encouragement. I feel like we are perfect for each other, but there seems to be an invisible barrier stopping us from being together, and I have no idea what its made out of.


Any Relationship or Connection needs to happen both ways. Just as you feel you are a perfect match she needs to feel the same way as well. As for the invisible barrier I think it is your beta behavior more than anything else. Try to change that... It will be good for you in general as well.


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## salvadorboy13 (May 26, 2012)

eowyn said:


> Any Relationship or Connection needs to happen both ways. Just as you feel you are a perfect match she needs to feel the same way as well. As for the invisible barrier I think it is your beta behavior more than anything else. Try to change that... It will be good for you in general as well.


The thing is i dont know if she feels the same way, I dont know if shes too scared to tell me or just doesnt feel it at all.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

salvadorboy13 said:


> The thing is i dont know if she feels the same way, I dont know if shes too scared to tell me or just doesnt feel it at all.


My best guess is, she doesn't feel the same way about you ... at least not right now. Her actions don't indicate that. If you think 'she is too scared to tell you and feels the same way inside' I think its your wishful thinking.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Women. Sigh.....


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

you are her emotional tampon. she turns to you when she has no one else.


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