# Husband Tried to Kill Himself



## Lilygirl (Nov 14, 2015)

My H and I have been married only 2 years. When we dated it was always very fun, we drank a lot and partied together. We did what every young couple does. Now since being married my career has taken off and I have grown out of the drinking, partying, and getting drunk. My husband has not, when he drinks he drinks to get drunk and usually ends up becoming very violent and verbally abusive. He has never laid a hand on me though. Last night after going out with our friends he, of course, he got drunk. We got home and the usual routine began of him talking down to me and cussing at me. I guess my mistake given his mental state, I told him I was tired of his drinking and abuse and thought it would be a good idea if he left in the morning, as I was tired of his disrespect. He got very quiet and just grabbed his keys and tried to leave at that moment. I begged him not to go because he could get hurt or in trouble but of course he didn't listen. He later came back with his gun and was not himself anymore. He was standing there staring at the floor lifeless and not responding to me. I asked him to give me the gun and he nodded no. Out of no where he pulls out the gun and says "this is what you want!" Points the gun at his head and at that moment I jump out of him and try to rip the gun out of his hand. I managed to get it away. Now he's just sitting on the couch crying and I don't know what to do. 

It is morning now, he's asleep and I don't know how to even act or what to tell him. I am nervous around him and don't know what to do. I love my husband, but I don't want to ever deal with this again. How do I even bring this up? What is the right way to approach this? Is this something we can move on from or will it continue?...


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Get his parents and siblings involved asap. A pastor if u have one!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Honestly. I would take him to the nearest mental health hospital and have him committed. 

You cannot tell him that is what you are going to do. Call them first in private this morning and explain the situation and ask them for advice on bringing in an unwilling patient. They may have protocol for you to follow. 

Put him in the car, tell him you want to go to breakfast or coffee or something and just be calm. Then you drive him there. There will be a point when he probably flips out. Hopefully there are staff on hand at the hospital to handle him. 

You really cannot tolerate the incident with the gun. Think about what would have happened if anyone accidentally pulled that trigger during your fight to get it away from him. You could be dead or he could. Or worse, wounded to the point of being unable to recover from it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Your husband is mentally ill. He needs intense treatment. This is beyond you alone. You need to contact the local authorities about the incident with the gun and have him committed to a mental health facility. You also need to remove all firearms from the home before he is released and returns.

I have one friend who did almost the exact same thing your husband has done. A few years later, he actually did stuff the barrel of his 9mm in his mouth and pull the trigger. He left behind a wife and 4 year old son. 

In his current mental state, your DH is a danger to himself and to others. Please, contact emergency services and have them come help both of you. NOW. This behavior will continue and probably escalate unless you act. RIGHT NOW.

And, please, keep us updated. We can be here as support for you.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Call the police and have him taken to a psychiatric ward.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Usually when people are serious about killing themselves they don't say anything. He sounds like he's all about the drama.

I bet the gun wasn't even loaded, you should check it and while you're at it hide it somewhere.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Or tell him "it's worth it!" and see what he does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Or tell him "it's worth it!" and see what he does.


Funny but not a good idea. It would make quite a mess.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I tend to think the suicide attempt was more about drama. But you need to talk to your husband about it and the drinking. 

That extreme reaction he had gives you the opportunity for you to demand a couple of things from him. 

1). Get him into AA or some other program for alcoholism
2). Remove all guns from his possession. No guns on the property. 

If he doesn't agree to these things then you need to leave the marriage.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

When we were first married our neighbor, a guy I went to HS with as it turned out, shot himself in front of his GF during an argument in which she told him she wanted to break up. Spur of the moment, angry argument, impulsive suicidal action killed him.

It's not for us to determine the veracity of you husband's intentions. He has a drinking problem, a gun, and a relationship that is troubled/ending. He held the gun to his head. Call the police, call his family, and bring down the house to get him help and yourself safe. Next time his drunken anger could cause him to point the gun at you.


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## Lilygirl (Nov 14, 2015)

Thanks for the advice everyone... I have removed the gun from the property and he is accepting to check into the VA mental hospital. I have given him an ultimatum and made it clear if he does not follow thru the marriage will end.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

He is a vet? 

Also get in touch with Wounded Warriors. They can help connect him with appropriate treatment and most importantly with Veterans, connect him with support groups of other veterans coping with behavioral health after deployment. Sometimes the wounds aren't physical, but every bit as real.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Dude007 said:


> Or tell him "it's worth it!" and see what he does.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't ever go here... the last thing a suicidal person needs is to feel those around him don't care.. 

It doesn't matter who we THINK will do it or who wouldn't , that it's just drama in the making.... many a family member has been wrong on this account... those with outgoing fun personalities have still taken their lives.. all it takes is an aggressively impulsive moment climaxing in a hopeless mind.....a moment they would take back, but it's too late... as a loved one.. we need to do all we can to prevent it, to reach them.. to show we care, that they are not alone.. 

According to this article ... Why Men Commit Suicide: The Three Warning Signs Most People Miss -



> ...the key motivator which drives people to suicide is *psychological pain.* In Beck’s understanding, the key motivator is the development of a *pervasive sense of hopelessness*. Dr. Joiner suggests that these are correct understandings but are also too vague to be useful for predictive purposes and not capable of offering a complete motivational picture.
> 
> Joiner proposes that there are three key motivational aspects which contribute to suicide. These are:
> 
> ...


That's good hes checking into the VA hospital.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Good work, lilygirl. You can't deal with this alone, and don't let his issues keep you from getting help and talking to someone. My heart goes out to you, as my h is a veteran and so is my stepdad, and there are issues issues issues . . . but you sound decisive and strong. Take care of yourself because the shock will wear off, and when he's somewhere getting help, you'll be faced with dealing with your own reaction to what happened. It IS possible to be strong but also accept help.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Lilygirl said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone... *I have removed the gun from the property* and he is accepting to *check into the VA mental hospital. I have given him an ultimatum *and made it clear if he does not follow thru the marriage will end.


Excellent. So happy that you acted. Sometimes women have to throw down the gauntlet to get us men to do what's needed. We can be stubborn.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Lilygirl said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone... I have removed the gun from the property and he is accepting to check into the VA mental hospital. I have given him an ultimatum and made it clear if he does not follow thru the marriage will end.


Good for you! You did the right thing.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Good job. You absolutely cannot allow his suicide threats to manipulate you into accepting his abuse. He needs that psychiatric treatment, and I hope you have involved his entire family. If it's really about drama this will weed it out because he'll have to face his family.

People use suicide threats to manipulate all the time, and while I'm inclined to think that's what he's doing based on the level of drama you still need to get him into a hospital. Then think long and hard about whether you want to stick around for this, unless you see real signs that he's getting his drinking under control and getting his life together.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

No more alcohol. State that plain and clear. Get him something else that he likes to drink as a replacement.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Do not EVER say someone who has threatened suicide is only about drama or attention!!!! 

My husbands father threatened a few times before he actually did it. Calls were made and no one helped him!

He slit his wrists and walked around with a gun and threatened to do it. Shortly after, he DID IT.

Call your local police and ask for a wellness check. If he is not in the current frame of mind to commit suicide or willing to go, they may not do anything the first time. 

Keep an eye on his signals and what he says. If he threatens it alludes again, call the police immediately! If they can catch him in the frame of mind of suicide, they WILL take him and commit him.

Do NOT mess around with this!


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> Do not EVER say someone who has threatened suicide is only about drama or attention!!!!
> 
> My husbands father threatened a few times before he actually did it. Calls were made and no one helped him!
> 
> ...


Wow your husband has sure had a lot of crap dumped on him throughout his life.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

How scary, glad to see he is getting some help. Tell him he needs to go to inpatient rehab now and if he does not then he needs to move out. He can never drink again. He is an alcoholic.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

YOU also need support.

Do you have any family members that can come over right now?

Hugs


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

OP.

My wife once stood on the edge of a window of a hotel and threatened to jump off.
She repeated that the next time standing on the balcony of a much taller building.

This hurts you as well. Please seek some IC. It helped me to talk and cry with my therapist. Don't underestimate the damage this has caused you.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Call the police and have him taken to a psychiatric ward.


If he's willing to go to a hospital, please take him. Otherwise, call law enforcement. 

After an evaluation at a hospital, they may discharge him with referrals for longer term mental health treatment. You could also take him to a therapist (if he's willing), but they may end up hospitalizing him anyway if they assess that he is an imminent danger to himself or others (which is likely since he used a gun). 

Please DO NOT try to wrestle a gun away from him again! Both of you could end up getting hurt.


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