# Best form of Counseling to Prevent Separation/Divorce?



## rain619 (Oct 22, 2017)

Long story short...

My wife has fallen out of love and is no longer attracted to me after a couple years of me neglecting her emotional needs and not communicating with her well. I was never abusive but I was a little demeaning when I would talk to her. I would talk to her like I was talking to my kids. She is not having an emotional affair with anyone else nor has cheated. Verified. 

I've noticed a change in her behavior towards me after she started a new managerial position at work. It is very demanding and I feel she is very stressed out because of it. I feel that was the turning point in her life. Also, I was away from home for seven months due to a new job I was training for. Her behavior started to change around month five which is around the time she started her new position at work. She said she had some time to think and was starting to doubt her love for me. She came to the realization that she was happier with me being away from home. Maybe cause I wasn't there to stress her out.

Her daily routine consists of her going to work for about 12 hours (registered nurse), comes home, eats dinner, then either plays video games (World of Warcraft) or watches online gaming matches. During this time she does not really talk to anyone. She does not talk to, hang out, or interact with the kids much either.

We have four beautiful kids (6,7,15,16) and own a nice large home. The 15 year old is currently suffering from depression and was suicidal before I left for training. She is now on meds and doing better. This has also stressed my wife out.

Her father left her and her mother at a young age. She does not have any sort of relationship with him. Her mother was busy with work most of the time so my wife grew up by herself with no real role model. Also, her mother remarried and the then husband molested her. Her mother is now single and has gone through two divorces. I am not sure if her past childhood experiences are affecting her current decisions and her emotions.

My wife does not really enjoy talking to me at the moment or being around me. It's like she has some sort of resentment against me. She tells me otherwise, but I can see it in her eyes and in the tone of her voice when she talks to me. I feel that either she is emotionally detached or has closed her heart off to me in order to not get hurt anymore.

My wife has said she is willing to try and work on saving our marriage for the sake of the kids. She has considered separating at one point.

I am working on myself to become a better husband for her and also working on my own happiness. I know that being depressed and mopey around the house is unattractive and will push her further away.

Which form of marriage counseling would be best for our situation? Gottman vs Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Any other advice is greatly appreciated.


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