# Harder than I thought it would be



## HarderThanIThought

My wife of 13 years and I got a divorce in November. We had been together for 17 years, a couple years after college. I am the one led us down the divorce path when I told her I was not in love with her like I once was. We tried counselling but it did not get us back to where we were. But the whole thing feels like it went too fast. I told her I was not in love with her in March and we were divorced by November. We might have been strange but we filled out the divorce paper work together and we loaded her uhaul just like we were moving somewhere together.

Now I am struggling with how to be alone. I thought I was going to be ok alone, but more days than not I wish I was not alone. Sometimes I think I just miss what we once had and struggle to separate that from what we had become.

I have a counselor but I do not feel like she is helping me through the grieving process. How do I grieve so I don't carry baggage into the next relationship?

I feel very alone as we had not lived in the town we live in long and I am in a leadership position that makes it tough to make friends at work. And most of our friends chose her instead of me as she is the great one (remembers birthdays, sends christmas cards, sends postcards just to say hi). In fact I think she is probably one of the nicest most caring people on this planet and I walked away because I just didn't feel the same spark. Am I stupid?

What do I do to move on? I am dying inside, even though it was me that put us on this path and couldn't lean in to make it work.

Please help me..............


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## EI

HarderThanIThought said:


> My wife of 13 years and I got a divorce in November. We had been together for 17 years, a couple years after college. I am the one led us down the divorce path when I told her I was not in love with her like I once was. We tried counselling but it did not get us back to where we were. But the whole thing feels like it went too fast. I told her I was not in love with her in March and we were divorced by November. We might have been strange but we filled out the divorce paper work together and we loaded her uhaul just like we were moving somewhere together.
> 
> Now I am struggling with how to be alone. I thought I was going to be ok alone, but more days than not I wish I was not alone. Sometimes I think I just miss what we once had and struggle to separate that from what we had become.
> 
> I have a counselor but I do not feel like she is helping me through the grieving process. How do I grieve so I don't carry baggage into the next relationship?
> 
> I feel very alone as we had not lived in the town we live in long and I am in a leadership position that makes it tough to make friends at work. And most of our friends chose her instead of me as she is the great one (remembers birthdays, sends christmas cards, sends postcards just to say hi). In fact I think she is probably one of the nicest most caring people on this planet and I walked away because I just didn't feel the same spark. Am I stupid?
> 
> What do I do to move on? I am dying inside, even though it was me that put us on this path and couldn't lean in to make it work.
> 
> Please help me..............


Do you and your ex-wife have children together? Was anyone else in the picture when you told your ex-wife that you weren’t in love with her like you once were? And, finally, how did she take it when you told her that you wanted a divorce. Did she try to talk you out of it, cry, beg you to stay, or did she give in fairly easily?


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## HarderThanIThought

EI said:


> Do you and your ex-wife have children together? Was anyone else in the picture when you told your ex-wife that you weren’t in love with her like you once were? And, finally, how did she take it when you told her that you wanted a divorce. Did she try to talk you out of it, cry, beg you to stay, or did she give in fairly easily?


We do not have any children. We had chose to live the career life instead. And maybe that was part of our downfall. 
When I told her I didn't feel the same love anyone more there was not someone else in the picture. She had been gone for five weeks to help her sister recover from surgery. By the end I kind of liked living differently (not that living with her was bad because it wasn't)
Then after a couple months of trying to get back on the same page, I developed emotional connection with someone else. So we decided to separate for a sometime to give me time to figure out what I needed. (I am not sure that actually happened during that period). We kept doing marriage counseling during this time. But never reconnected. 
When she came to get her stuff I think we both thought the other was going to say this was too quick but we just kind of put our nose to the grindstone and knocked out the projects (separating the items, doing the paperwork, loading the uhaul, loaded her car with stuff, said we love each other, cried, she said I hope you find what you need and then we said goodbye and she drove away) ( it makes me cry just writing that).


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## TXTrini

HarderThanIThought said:


> We do not have any children. We had chose to live the career life instead. And maybe that was part of our downfall.
> When I told her I didn't feel the same love anyone more there was not someone else in the picture. She had been gone for five weeks to help her sister recover from surgery. By the end I kind of liked living differently (not that living with her was bad because it wasn't)
> *Then after a couple months of trying to get back on the same page, I developed emotional connection with someone else.* So we decided to separate for a sometime to give me time to figure out what I needed. (I am not sure that actually happened during that period). We kept doing marriage counseling during this time. But never reconnected.
> When she came to get her stuff I think we both thought the other was going to say this was too quick but we just kind of put our nose to the grindstone and knocked out the projects (separating the items, doing the paperwork, loading the uhaul, loaded her car with stuff, said we love each other, cried, *she said I hope you find what you need and then we said goodbye and she drove away) ( it makes me cry just writing that).*


What was the timeline with the person you developed an emotional connection with? Did you have contact with this person when you were trying to reconnect during marriage counseling?

I think your wife did the right thing, she gave you what you wanted and was above doing the pick-me-dance.

Sounds like you need to go to IC to figure out what you want in life and how to make yourself happy. Good luck to you.


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## HarderThanIThought

TXTrini said:


> What was the timeline with the person you developed an emotional connection with? Did you have contact with this person when you were trying to reconnect during marriage counseling?
> 
> I think your wife did the right thing, she gave you what you wanted and was above doing the pick-me-dance.
> 
> Sounds like you need to go to IC to figure out what you want in life and how to make yourself happy. Good luck to you.


What is IC? 

The connection came about in late April/early May. Yes there was contact with the other person during marriage counseling as they were from my place of work.


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## TXTrini

HarderThanIThought said:


> What is IC?
> 
> *The connection came about in late April/early May. Yes there was contact with the other person during marriage counseling as they were from my place of work.*


IC= Individual counseling

Well, no wonder your marriage counseling (MC) didn't work. Your energies were directed elsewhere. Btw, that's called an Emotional Affair (EA)


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## HarderThanIThought

I know I am not perfect and as I said in the original post I know i am the cause of the divorce. But that doesn't mean I don't need help from others. I am not expecting anyone to tell me everything will be ok. I am just looking for strategies and methods to work through the pain.


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## TXTrini

HarderThanIThought said:


> I know I am not perfect and as I said in the original post I know i am the cause of the divorce. But that doesn't mean I don't need help from others. I am not expecting anyone to tell me everything will be ok. I am just looking for strategies and methods to work through the pain.


I gave you a suggestion, therapy.

If you do not deal with the root cause of your issues, you will come full circle. It's more effort, it may not be what you want to hear, but there it is.


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## HarderThanIThought

TXTrini said:


> IC= Individual counseling
> 
> Well, no wonder your marriage counseling (MC) didn't work. Your energies were directed elsewhere. Btw, that's called an Emotional Affair (EA)


I have an individual counselor. I have had one since late February. I have learned that when you enter into IC it is wise to start MC at the same time as you will change from the IC. I am aware of the Emotional Affair - it has been discussed with both the IC and MC. They are hard to work through.

I am curious about other things I can do on my own to work through the sadness and pain?


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## DownByTheRiver

HarderThanIThought said:


> I know I am not perfect and as I said in the original post I know i am the cause of the divorce. But that doesn't mean I don't need help from others. I am not expecting anyone to tell me everything will be ok. I am just looking for strategies and methods to work through the pain.


I think the main thing you need to do is immediately take up outside hobbies and activities that you enjoy and that women might enjoy and where you might eventually meet friends or women. Just doing something you enjoy will give you a little pick up. And then it's your best shot at ever finding someone else or finding a friend. So find some active hobbies and do them regularly so you might run into people regularly. 

You might also choose a non-bar place like a restaurant to hang out frequently because just going someplace frequently you start getting to know people even if it's only on an acquaintance level. 

By keeping active and busy and staying interested in something you will be more interesting to other people.

If you are in a house where you can put a dog door since it sounds like you work long hours, you should also go to a rescuer and adopt a couple of dogs. A couple because they are pack animals and need company when you are gone. A dog door so they can go in and out as they please when they need to go to the restroom. 

They will be glad to see you everyday you come home from work and you can even go home at lunch some days.


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## TXTrini

HarderThanIThought said:


> I have an individual counselor. I have had one since late February. I have learned that when you enter into IC it is wise to start MC at the same time as you will change from the IC. I am aware of the Emotional Affair - it has been discussed with both the IC and MC. They are hard to work through.
> 
> I am curious about other things I can do on my own to work through the sadness and pain?


That's good. 

There's no easy surefire way, unfortunately. You just have to feel what you feel, as you work through it and take each day at a time until it becomes easier.

DownbytheRiver gave great ideas on how to distract yourself while you address issues.


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## HarderThanIThought

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think the main thing you need to do is immediately take up outside hobbies and activities that you enjoy and that women might enjoy and where you might eventually meet friends or women. Just doing something you enjoy will give you a little pick up. And then it's your best shot at ever finding someone else or finding a friend. So find some active hobbies and do them regularly so you might run into people regularly.
> 
> You might also choose a non-bar place like a restaurant to hang out frequently because just going someplace frequently you start getting to know people even if it's only on an acquaintance level.
> 
> By keeping active and busy and staying interested in something you will be more interesting to other people.
> 
> If you are in a house where you can put a dog door since it sounds like you work long hours, you should also go to a rescuer and adopt a couple of dogs. A couple because they are pack animals and need company when you are gone. A dog door so they can go in and out as they please when they need to go to the restroom.
> 
> They will be glad to see you everyday you come home from work and you can even go home at lunch some days.


I appreciate your advice.


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## Zedd

It's just difficult. After I divorced, it took nearly a year. When I didn't have our son, I went to Hawaii or Disney World, sometimes alone, sometimes I took my niece and nephew and family. I played a lot of soccer and hockey. I literally just tried to stay as busy as possible. It didn't make me less sad, just more distracted and less likely to think about how sad I was.


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## Al_Bundy

I would say get into some kind of dojo. You typically will find high quality people there and it will become your second family.


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## Talker67

sorry, no sympathy coming. 
you pays your money, and you picks your tune. You knew she was an excellent person, and took care of all sorts of life issues. she was a gem, and instead of working out what minor issues there were, you wanted to divorce.

so...it is over. she is gone. she is not coming back. 
you need to get over it, and start getting your life back together. 
if you intend to marry again someday, you have to come up with a plausible reason you let this one get away.


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## thunderchad

Why did you leave your wife? Do you want her back?


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## Livvie

Talker67 said:


> sorry, no sympathy coming.
> you pays your money, and you picks your tune. You knew she was an excellent person, and took care of all sorts of life issues. she was a gem, and instead of working out what minor issues there were, you wanted to divorce.
> 
> so...it is over. she is gone. she is not coming back.
> you need to get over it, and start getting your life back together.
> if you intend to marry again someday, you have to come up with a plausible reason you let this one get away.


It doesn't sound like he misses his ex wife specifically though, just that he doesn't like being alone.


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## Openminded

Hopefully, you won’t ask for a reset on that.


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## SunCMars

What it is you miss, must be replaced.

Likely, another _Miss._

Start dating, find one.



_Lilith-_


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## oldshirt

I believe in professional intervention in dealing with acute injuries and rehab. This includes acute injuries to the psyche as well as the body. 

But there comes a time when you have to get back to living life and simply 'doing.' 

The problem with long term IC is after awhile, it's simply one session of dwelling on your problems and *****ing and moaning about your problems after another. Your problems become your focus and your focus becomes your reality. 

You don't like being alone, I get it, very few people do. 

So my advice to you is the same as if she were the one that fell for someone else and dumped you, get out and start doing fun things with fun people. Pursue some passions whatever those passions may be. Meet people. Get to know them and let them get to know you. 

Get to the gym and get buffed up. Eat right. Drink water. Don't drink alcohol, smoke or take drugs. Sleep. lift heavy things and put them down, then lift them again. 

Proper diet and exercise do more than make look better. They also release feel-good endorphins and hormones and such and are better than any chemical from Big Pharma that a doctor can prescribe. 

Look good, dress well, get out and do things. Get out and meet chicks. Ask them out. Date. Move on and life your life to the fullest. In time a special one will rise to the top.


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## northernlights

I have to second dogs. I adopted two older labs when they were 8 and 10. The loves of my life!
Also recommend a Wrangler. 

Honestly, 2 labs and a Jeep. 

Hang in there, it'll get better.


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## OnTheRocks

+1 get yourself busy doing positive / active / social things. It will help immensely. Also get some strange if possible.


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## Talker67

northernlights said:


> I have to second dogs. I adopted two older labs when they were 8 and 10. The loves of my life!
> Also recommend a Wrangler.
> 
> Honestly, 2 labs and a Jeep.
> 
> Hang in there, it'll get better.


If i were suddenly single....i would take a leave of absense from work, hop in my 4wd SUV (full of hiking and camping gear), and do a 4 month road trip around the country. Be sure to stop a lot and meet new people. 

Along the way, the OP might find the answers he is seeking.


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## fluffycoco

Guess that is why many couples don't get divorced, even they dislike each other so much. hard to deal the loneliness.

You should try to meet some ladies, not dating though just being friend with them.


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## Anastasia6

HarderThanIThought said:


> My wife of 13 years and I got a divorce in November. We had been together for 17 years, a couple years after college. I am the one led us down the divorce path when I told her I was not in love with her like I once was. We tried counselling but it did not get us back to where we were. But the whole thing feels like it went too fast. I told her I was not in love with her in March and we were divorced by November. We might have been strange but we filled out the divorce paper work together and we loaded her uhaul just like we were moving somewhere together.
> 
> Now I am struggling with how to be alone. I thought I was going to be ok alone, but more days than not I wish I was not alone. Sometimes I think I just miss what we once had and struggle to separate that from what we had become.
> 
> I have a counselor but I do not feel like she is helping me through the grieving process. How do I grieve so I don't carry baggage into the next relationship?
> 
> I feel very alone as we had not lived in the town we live in long and I am in a leadership position that makes it tough to make friends at work. And most of our friends chose her instead of me as she is the great one (remembers birthdays, sends christmas cards, sends postcards just to say hi). In fact I think she is probably one of the nicest most caring people on this planet and I walked away because I just didn't feel the same spark. Am I stupid?
> 
> What do I do to move on? I am dying inside, even though it was me that put us on this path and couldn't lean in to make it work.
> 
> Please help me..............


It is interesting that you have this general malaise and thought divorce would solve your problem.

Often this is called a mid-life crisis. 

So why isn't the person from work that you engaged in an emotional affair with helping with the loneliness?

In individual counseling have you discussed if you were generally unsatisfied with your wife or just generally unsatisfied with your life? The divorce would have fixed the generally unsatisfied with your wife problem. But generally not happy with life or a mid-life crisis if that's what you are having is more internal. Finding ways to accept that you aren't what ever fantastical thing you thought you'd be by 50. Accepting that life is what you make of it.

If you start a new relationship, you may be less lonely and the new relationship energy will make you feel like an important person and life is all great. Chances are though it won't fix the internal issues you have. 

What is the counselor doing to work on the internal issues?

Yes a dog for loneliness.

As a side note. Your wife was probably blindsided with your revelation and hurt too. If you ever find answers you may want to let her in on them just for her closure. Do you two still talk or communicate at all?


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## Talker67

fluffycoco said:


> Guess that is why many couples don't get divorced, even they dislike each other so much. hard to deal the loneliness.
> 
> You should try to meet some ladies, not dating though just being friend with them.


at the risk of getting intensely flamed.....

why DON'T more marriages that are at their end, but you stay together for technical, sex, or financial support reasons...allow the partners to go find other friends outside of the marriage.


someone said "get a dog". Have you seen how much it costs to have a dog nowadays???? AND you are tied down and can not travel with the dog (i have tried, it is not easy at all). Get a goldfish


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## Anastasia6

Talker67 said:


> at the risk of getting intensely flamed.....
> 
> why DON'T more marriages that are at their end, but you stay together for technical, sex, or financial support reasons...allow the partners to go find other friends outside of the marriage.
> 
> 
> someone said "get a dog". Have you seen how much it costs to have a dog nowadays???? AND you are tied down and can not travel with the dog (i have tried, it is not easy at all). Get a goldfish


If a marriage is at it's end it is idiotic to stay but have 'friends' outside the marriage. Most people desire a healthy loving relationship. If you are married finding someone else who would have a healthy loving relationship with a married person is not likely. It negates the healthy part when the person is already committed.

What you are asking is why don't marriage partners allow you to use them until you find someone else. I suspect it's because they want to go find a healthy loving partner.


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## frusdil

HarderThanIThought said:


> What is IC?
> 
> The connection came about in late April/early May. Yes there was contact with the other person during marriage counseling as they were from my place of work.


So you had an emotional affair, no wonder the MC didn't work - it never stood a chance. Your wife was fighting something she had no idea about.

The only thing you can do is get on with life. Try some new hobbies, I second getting a doggo or two, great company and will get you out of the house every day. Dog parks are a great way to make new friends, I met my bestie at the dog park decades ago. Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it.


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## Talker67

Anastasia6 said:


> If a marriage is at it's end it is idiotic to stay but have 'friends' outside the marriage. Most people desire a healthy loving relationship. If you are married finding someone else who would have a healthy loving relationship with a married person is not likely. It negates the healthy part when the person is already committed.
> 
> What you are asking is why don't marriage partners allow you to use them until you find someone else. I suspect it's because they want to go find a healthy loving partner.


Idiotic to

not have to sell the house
not have to move
not have to completely restructure your finances, including retirement accounts, trust funds, etc.
not have to find a new place to live independently
suddenly having to do ALL of the cooking, shoping, repairs, household chores
having almost all of your friends having to choose you or your spouse
dividing the pets
having nobody to support you going to doctors visits, with medication, and so on
dealing with covid loneliness, and possible heavy medical issues when the hospitals are not taking new patients

i could go on, but those are a lot of reasons to stay in the marriage but let the other partner just go have some sporadic sexual fun....

A lot of you guys are just not thinking logically about all this. When you tell someone who comes here for advice: "DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE!", you are likely NOT doing them any favors.


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## HarderThanIThought

Anastasia6 said:


> It is interesting that you have this general malaise and thought divorce would solve your problem.
> 
> Often this is called a mid-life crisis.
> 
> So why isn't the person from work that you engaged in an emotional affair with helping with the loneliness?
> 
> In individual counseling have you discussed if you were generally unsatisfied with your wife or just generally unsatisfied with your life? The divorce would have fixed the generally unsatisfied with your wife problem. But generally not happy with life or a mid-life crisis if that's what you are having is more internal. Finding ways to accept that you aren't what ever fantastical thing you thought you'd be by 50. Accepting that life is what you make of it.
> 
> If you start a new relationship, you may be less lonely and the new relationship energy will make you feel like an important person and life is all great. Chances are though it won't fix the internal issues you have.
> 
> What is the counselor doing to work on the internal issues?
> 
> Yes a dog for loneliness.
> 
> As a side note. Your wife was probably blindsided with your revelation and hurt too. If you ever find answers you may want to let her in on them just for her closure. Do you two still talk or communicate at all?


These are great questions. 
The person of the emotional affair was that - emotional connection pre 6:00 pm. Not neccesarily an after 6:00 connection. I am most lonely when I am at home, on days off, holidays (my family live a ways away). I am probably more lonely than that and I just don't realize it. 

Individual counseling is trying to get to the bottom of my unhappiness. (I am starting to think the counseling is too slow and I need to find a new counselor) Part of it has been stress to due to managing and being responsible for trying to keep 200 people employeed during the first year of COVID. And the general malaise that set in at home with not being able to travel with my wife. That was one area we really connected. My counselor definitely thinks I went through a period of depression due to the stress of COVID. 

My counselor is big on trying to get me to feel the emotions of moments. What happens to me physilogically and mentally when in those moments in the stress or feelings

I do still talk to my ex-wife. We are still friends to some degree. Not sure I will ever stop loving her in some way.


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## Livvie

Talker67 said:


> Idiotic to
> 
> not have to sell the house
> not have to move
> not have to completely restructure your finances, including retirement accounts, trust funds, etc.
> not have to find a new place to live independently
> suddenly having to do ALL of the cooking, shoping, repairs, household chores
> having almost all of your friends having to choose you or your spouse
> dividing the pets
> having nobody to support you going to doctors visits, with medication, and so on
> dealing with covid loneliness, and possible heavy medical issues when the hospitals are not taking new patients
> 
> i could go on, but those are a lot of reasons to stay in the marriage but let the other partner just go have some sporadic sexual fun....
> 
> A lot of you guys are just not thinking logically about all this. When you tell someone who comes here for advice: "DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE!", you are likely NOT doing them any favors.


I guess some people cling onto unhealthy marriages because they can't adult on their own by doing all of the cooking and household chores and attending medical appointments themselves?

It makes me wonder how some people ever survived before they got married, or what will happen when their spouse dies.


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## LivedThroughIt

HarderThanIThought said:


> I know I am not perfect and as I said in the original post I know i am the cause of the divorce. But that doesn't mean I don't need help from others. I am not expecting anyone to tell me everything will be ok. I am just looking for strategies and methods to work through the pain.


Not sure if you resonate with it but I get a lot of solace from the serenity prayer- at this point perhaps try deciphering what is inside your control and outside of your control - and put as much energy into what is in your control as possible - doing the inner work, self care, etc that can help you tune into what you are wanting to create in your life. Take it a day at a time and know that time can bring a lot of healing.


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## MarmiteC

HarderThanIThought said:


> I know I am not perfect and as I said in the original post I know i am the cause of the divorce. But that doesn't mean I don't need help from others. I am not expecting anyone to tell me everything will be ok. I am just looking for strategies and methods to work through the pain.


I can identify with your story. I was also the one to choose to separate and I entered into an EA (which later moved to a PA 6 months after separating). I was the one to move out and I moved away with work. I got a fresh start. I suspect it was harder for my XH who remained in the marital home.

I have often questioned how we got here. How did my life change so much. I have grieved the good times, but then I also remind myself what was missing for me in my marriage that led to this loneliness. Those things are still there, my XH was not capable of giving me what I need. It was also partly my fault, I am a people pleaser by nature so I tolerated things I thought would get better with time, which never did. That wasn't fair to either of us. I have questioned whether the pandemic played a part also; work stress, actually having to spend alot more time together, not getting to do the things we did enjoy as a couple for example, but when I reflect back I feel we were both only glossing over the cracks before. The fundamental incompatibility was still there. 

Like you I have a demanding job. I now live away from any family and friends. I have thrown myself into work. I sometimes park up on a Friday evening and leave the house again on a Monday morning. I rest alot. I'm taking time to really reflect on everything to see what I can learn and how I can avoid a repeat mistake in the future.

I've been divorced 3 months now and the fog is beginning to lift. I see everything clearer, less one sided. I am confident we would have reached this point anyway, that it wasn't a mistake, but I still grieve that it happened. Give yourself time.


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## farsidejunky

Dude, you got what you wanted. But it turns out it wasn't what you wanted. 

I am going to ask you a very simple question, and I am not belittling you or being condescending when I ask it:

Do you like yourself?

You sound like someone who does not possess your own happiness, so you seek it in others. Then when the luster wears off, your first instinct is to think it is something with them rather than with you.

This is a problem of self reflection and loving yourself properly, both of which need IC to address, as @TXTrini told you upthread. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## frusdil

Livvie said:


> I guess some people cling onto unhealthy marriages because they can't adult on their own by doing all of the cooking and household chores and attending medical appointments themselves?
> 
> It makes me wonder how some people ever survived before they got married, or what will happen when their spouse dies.


Me too.

I think everyone should live on their own for a bit before getting married. It's really important.


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## MarmiteC

frusdil said:


> Me too.
> 
> I think everyone should live on their own for a bit before getting married. It's really important.


Some people live in marriages where they still have to do all these things alone and still find it difficult to end it.


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## D0nnivain

Harder Than I Thought

I say this not to rub salt in your wound but because you said you want to get to the bottom of things so you don't bring the baggage into your next relationship. Your premise for the divorce -- that you don't love her any more -- was an artificial Hollywood construct. Love & marriage change over time. That whole falling in love, breathless, can't wait to rip your clothes off thing isn't sustainable. Real love is quieter, simpler & stronger. It's a peaceful reliance, the comfort that develops over time as you grow together. You had that but misinterpreted it as bad because it wasn't the whirlwind of your courtship. Learn about real love or your next relationship will fizzle out too.

As for how to rebuild your life as an adult, that will be harder because it is not that easy to make new friends once you are older. Part of the key is to keep busy by joining groups & getting involved. 

1, Check out your college Alumni Association

2. If you can't make friends with subordinate employees, try making friends at your level. Get involved in the local Chamber of Commerce, take a continuing education class, attend industry seminars or conventions, get involved in a networking group.

3. Volunteer at a community organization: the Elks, the Moose, the Knights of Columbus, the Masons, the local volunteer fire department. Those groups have a lot of activities & a real sense of community

4, Play a co-ed sport

5. Get involved in a Meet-Up group doing something you like: hiking, investing, fixing cars, collecting something, reading books, etc. 

6. Start attending religious services & volunteer to serve on a church committee.

7. Exercise. Incorporate movement into your life, even if you just walk around the neighborhood. My 84 year old widower neighbor walks 5 miles a day. Says it keeps him young. He's a fixture on the roads. Everybody honks & waves or stops & chats. 

8. Become a regular somewhere: a bar, a coffee shop, a restaurant, just some place where people know your name

9. Get a pet so you have somebody to love 

10 Consider throwing a small party for your neighbors so you can get to know them. It doesn't have to be a knock down party 'till dawn rager but something simple so you can see who is around.


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