# Oral..miscommunications



## SunshineisBEST (Dec 23, 2011)

Hi all..I'm new to the board, but had been a member in the past..

looking for some advice.

I used to really enjoy oral sex, however have enjoyed it a lot less since I first started learning how to achieve orgasm during sex. I prefer to have orgasms during sex, rather than from oral, but do like to have oral as foreplay. Here is the problem..when my soon to be hubby goes down on me..he doesn't do the deed very well. It's quite surprising..He is a very sexually experienced guy (Has had his fair share of partners, porn viewing and strip club adventures...). He has caught on that I don't like it when he goes down on me..and I've never mentioned anything other than "I don't like it..." but putting that response in general terms of not liking oral. BUT I do like oral..and he now feels bad that he can't do it right..and I feel bad he knows it doesn't feel good to me when he goes down on me. He doesn't even try to go down on me..and it makes me sad that oral for me..(and the pleasure for him to give me oral)..has went down the drain. I haven't been a good communicater about this. Any suggestions on how to bring this up, and how to let him know what I like or how I like it?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Take charge a little. Get into a good spot, get him worked up, them get him down there with you teaching him what toy like and what is working good for you.

Guide him and reward him vocally and otherwise when her gets it right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Take charge a little. Get into a good spot, get him worked up, them get him down there with you teaching him what toy like and what is working good for you.
> 
> Guide him and reward him vocally and otherwise when her gets it right.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Almost all guys would love a little direction in any area of sex. We are brought up as super sex machines, but most of us don't have a clue.
I love it when my wife directs me in bed.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

just talk to him. 
tell him you like oral very much but that women, just like men, are all different and like things differently.
what one person likes there are many who dont like it that way.
i know i like having oral done on me that is different than other guys like it but that doesnt mean a woman is no good at it because she does it how she is used to how other guys like it.
it just means i have to let her know she is very good at it but that i like things a little different and this is how i like it and guide her through it. that shouldnt convey to her she is no good.
i like when a woman tells me how she likes it done as i realize everyone is different and like things differently.


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## SunshineisBEST (Dec 23, 2011)

Thank you all!!!

2nd time is the best--I agree. It's hard when it gets to the point of hurting each other feelings, and then not being able to open up about it..for what? For all being human. It's like to elephant in the room for us..we simply don't acknowledge it or talk about it.

I think doing it in bed would be the easiet way in guiding him through it. He has pretty much stopped going down on me..what should I do? Sit on his face:scratchhead: ...push him down there?

Also..what he usuallys does in oral is pretty much flicker his tounge really rast...and he focuses only on the clitoris. 

I would like him to kiss, and use a flat tounge more and not just focus solely on the clitoris, but rather,all over..including it though! 

ANy tips on how to bring that up..I feel like it's totally changing his technique and that might be hard to do in bed..


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

SunshineisBEST said:


> He has pretty much stopped going down on me..what should I do? Sit on his face:scratchhead: ...push him down there?


well, this is one move i really love myself 

you also said:
"Also..what he usuallys does in oral is pretty much flicker his tounge really rast...and he focuses only on the clitoris."

does he watch porn?
he may be getting his ques for his technique from there possibly from the way he does it. 
tell him this is real live sex with his wife, not a porn movie.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SunshineisBEST said:


> Thank you all!!!
> 
> 2nd time is the best--I agree. It's hard when it gets to the point of hurting each other feelings, and then not being able to open up about it..for what? For all being human. It's like to elephant in the room for us..we simply don't acknowledge it or talk about it.
> 
> ...


If you are going to be married, then you need to learn how to communicate with each other - including about sexual things. 

Telling someone in a loving, respectful manner goes heaps better than just expecting them to somehow pick up the vibes on what you would like and letting resentment build because they didn't get it. 

You could bring this up either during the act - by guiding him with verbal cues, or you could bring it up if you ever are having a playful conversation about sex. In either case, being loving and showing him your affection and admiration can go a long way.

I tend to be more of the guiding with verbal cues during type and it works well for my H and me. If you two are generally open and honest with each other, then this communication shouldn't be a problem and he should be pleased to know how to better please you. imho.

If he's already felt like he's had his ego squashed a bit in this area, you can reinforce your love and commitment to him by letting him know how much you care about him and enjoy making love with him (you know - maybe by making love to him a lot )

Best wishes.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Show him this post. It describes exactly what you'd like, and doesn't say anything hurtful about him.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Sam Kinnison always said to lick the alphabet. Though when I do I can't help but think of my 1st grade teacher. Not a turn on for me.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> well, this is one move i really love myself
> you also said:
> "Also..what he usuallys does in oral is pretty much flicker his tounge really rast...and he focuses only on the clitoris."


does he do the 'come here' motion with his finger while he is doing this? When I'm with my wife I can only go so far with just my tongue. it is all about the balance / interplay between licking the clit and surrounding area at various speeds, and then g-spot fingering motion. 

One thing I love about going down on my wife is that she can never tell exactly what I'm doing! The only downside is, it makes her hard to instruct me. But, as far as I know, I am very very good!!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i would go all the way from the azz to the clit and using fingers and pushing my tongue as far inside her as i could.
she would tell me how she wanted it :whip::whip: and i was glad to oblige. :bounce:


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