# Life after visectomy. Was it worth it?



## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

A little over 5 months ago I went through with it. I guess I felt pressure by my wife at the time to get it done. She was having women problems and chances of another kid were low because of that. So I took one for the team. I always had something in my brain saying don’t do it.

Well intuition should of been acknowledged. After the surgery I felt less of a man and now was not able to procreate. I was affraid my wife would leave me because I felt less of a man. I was always feeling less secure with myself and our marriage. 

A 4 months later now I find out my wife cheated on me and wants a divorce. She openly dates him and I feel like **** because now I feel robbed. I feel less of a man and tricked into getting it done. She could possible have a kid and I cannot. 

Now I have a had time processing it is over! She is out having fun with new guy and I’m here trying to figure out wtf happened to our happy life. Which I thought we had. She paints it as a different story.

Anyone else end up the same situation?


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Not a guy so probably shouldn’t reply - but why do you want more kids? My XH had it done after we had two (girl and a boy - perfect family). But we weren’t perfect. He cheated. Then I cheated and left him. I went on to have three miscarriages with my new husband. My XH and I did talk about this subject and he felt similar to how you do. Even though he was way too old to be having more babies and couldn’t support the ones he had - he felt robbed. 

I too felt less of a woman because I couldn’t bare my new husband’s children. It is a primal, selfish and non-intellectual thought process. My XH has gone on to be a good step-father to his new wife’s older kids, and I adore my step children. 

When I realized having more children was only about ME it made it easier.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You can always try to schedule a reversal. It's a procedure that is quite common nowadays!

Talk to your urologist!

For the record, I had mine after the birth of our second son! And am rather glad that I did!*


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

I'm not a guy. I'm sorry you feel that way - less of a man. A lot of guys seem to feel differently -- freed up to have sex without fear of impregnating someone.

If you do want more kids, it's not cheap, but you could look into trying to get it reversed. I think they have a pretty high success rate these days.

I'm so sorry you did that for your marriage and then she stabbed you in the back. :-(


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Yea I did it for the wife and our marriage. I really don’t want anymore kids as I would be old when they graduate. It’s just the fact that she stated when she wanted a divorce she’s been unhappy for a very long time. Which I took it as before the surgery. The other fact that she cheated and now seeing this guy while still married. I agree it is probably selfish talk.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Don't feel less of a man if YOU are happy that you did it. Your wife is BS you about "being unhappy for years" --- just typical cheater BS. If you are NOT happy with it, then have the reversal done.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If my wife had become pregnant the health issues would have been horrendous.

So a vasectomy was the least I could do.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

It was the best thing I ever did and it made me feel *MORE* virile and like a 10,000lb weight had been lifted off of me. 

From the time I started having sex at 17 I had been terrified of knocking someone up and was always on my mind anytime I had sex. I often was afraid to ejaculate inside of anyone and would usually pullout or finish through some other means. 

Once I have the V I felt free and virile and like I was finally able to fully enjoy sex without worrying about pregnancy. 

My wife and I started swinging a few months after my V and after I got the green light from the urologist saying I was shooting blanks. 

This is all in your head and your wife's cheating is due to her lack of character. It has nothing to do with whether your sperm cells are making it to your prostate or not. That is dumb. She is cheating because she is a lying, skanky wh0re of low character and has nothing to do with you. 

Embrace your sexual freedom and embrace that you no longer have to worry about knocking anyone up and get out and capitalize on that freedom to the fullest. 

If it is causing you angst and insecurity, then see a counselor and work through it like any other irrational hang up that is causing you issues.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

wow...she makes you get snipped, then starts openly dating other guys!
She sounds like she has seen one too many femdom movies. Probably brags to her boyfriend how she tricked you into doing it.

DIVORCE that lying cheating B***h


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You really believe the two events are related? I sure don't! I would bet a dollar she would/was/is cheating on you regardless of your vasectomy. She's a skank, really that simple.


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## Snow Fighter (Jul 19, 2018)

Best freaking decision I ever made. I don't have to worry about any more uh oh's.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

If you want to reverse...the sooner the better. I had one a few years ago, doesn’t seem to an issue either way for us.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Not a man disclaimer.

When I had my tubal I felt relieved. Sure, I could no longer produce offspring, but I didn't want any more offspring anyways. I had no desire to risk ending up in my 40's still raising kids when I should be enjoying a freshly emptied nest. Here I am, 43, with the last kid a Senior in High School preparing to graduate and leave the nest in a few months. By approximately July 30th the nest will be empty of human children and I will begin my life after kids while still young enough to actually enjoy it. No regrets.

You should look at this from a different point of view. For a lot of women in your age group you having had a vasectomy is a firm plus.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Fabio said:


> Yea I did it for the wife and our marriage. I really don’t want anymore kids as I would be old when they graduate. It’s just the fact that she stated when she wanted a divorce she’s been unhappy for a very long time. Which I took it as before the surgery. The other fact that she cheated and now seeing this guy while still married. I agree it is probably selfish talk.


I think the crux of the issue is not so much in that you cannot have more kids (you probably have enough)it is the way she emasculated you (your thinking) and then dumped you, which is probably soul destroying as you feel if another woman wanted kids with you now you cannot.

1. Perhaps you should go to a therapist to talk through these issues, a future woman will not want a man who is hung up on this matter

2. It is possible to have the operation reversed, I know men who have done it. I even know a man whose wife had a kid though he had done the op, it hadn't worked and yes the kids was theirs!


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

You think that having the sperm your body produces find its way into your semen is what makes you a man? That seems a little crazy. Unless your goal is to have more children, whatever manliness problem you have is in your head and not your male parts.

Before we decided to have kids, my wife took the pill. After we were done having kids, I got the V. After the short recovery period, I noticed nothing different at all. It was great knowing that we could do what we want without any fear of pregnancy. It was also good that she didn't have to keep jacking with her body by taking the pills. If I had it all to do again, I wouldn't change a thing.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

aine said:


> 2. It is possible to have the operation reversed, I know men who have done it. I even know a man whose wife had a kid though he had done the op, it hadn't worked and yes the kids was theirs!


Just a PSA for anyone who may be reading this and unaware. It is crucial to have your sperm checked multiple times after your vasectomy and periodically after the initial post-surgery checks. If you do not get the medical all clear, and maintain that all clear through checks every few years or so, please assume you are shooting live rounds.

My exH had a vasectomy while I was pregnant with DD2. He never went back for his checks beyond the first. We separated with the intention to divorce when DD2 was 1 year old. Eventually, about 10 or 12 years ago, exH remarried and had 2 children. Boy and girl. DNA tested due to unrelated court proceedings. How, you may ask? Apparently, he had multiple offshoots of the main tubing that were still sending the occasional live rounds.

Friends from High School married and had two kids very young. The husband got a vasectomy. His wife realized she was pregnant weeks later. Either they had a birth control failure right before the procedure or he was still shooting live rounds when they took him for an early test drive after he healed.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> Just a PSA for anyone who may be reading this and unaware. It is crucial to have your sperm checked multiple times after your vasectomy and periodically after the initial post-surgery checks. If you do not get the medical all clear, and maintain that all clear through checks every few years or so, please assume you are shooting live rounds.


I've heard of this happening. I know someone it happened to. Inside a marriage, it isn't just the unwanted pregnancy but the "what the hell? did you cheat on me?" moment it causes.

I didn't bother with the checks. If we'd had another, it would have been OK. We were ready to stop, but another wouldn't have been a huge problem. And it wasn't easy getting pregnant the other times.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

aine said:


> It is possible to have the operation reversed, I know men who have done it.


One right here, and it was very successful.

A word of warning, however: it hurts like a sonofagun. The V itself was nothing in comparison. It's always trickier to put things together than to take them apart.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

In your case, I really think your wife's cheating is the culprit here. However, I'll ask some questions and share my experience.

Was it your idea to have the vasectomy, and were you 100% on board with it? Did you feel pressured in any way?

I'm a woman ,so I had a tubal. I had similar feelings, and I also felt "cheated." I mainly had the tubal because both my H at the time and my mom thought it was the best thing to do. I was in the midst of some post-partum depression. I spent a lot of year mourning the kids I would never have due to the procedure. So I get the bad feelings after the fact.

In your case I think your wife's horrible cheating behavior is the real reason you may feel "less of a man." However, you are NOT less of a man just because she decided to act like less of a woman with character. That is on HER, not you!


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Speaking as a woman, I can honestly say that I feel that any man who has a allowed a scalpel anywhere near his equipment and did so for the sake of his wife and marriage is much MORE of a man in my eyes. I know many other women feel the same way. I will turn it around on you. Do you feel a woman is less of a woman if she can no longer get pregnant? But, if you truly weren't ready to end your fertility, you can always have it reversed. 



As for your wife cheating, I'm so very sorry. The pain is unbearable at times. I really can't believe that one has anything to do with the other. But, if I'm wrong, and it does, your wife needs some mental health intervention.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I had the V 10 or so years ago. 

Best thing in the world go for me. Whatever happens my kids days are behind me.

No problems, no loss of any manly traits if you will, and have more sex than ever.

A satisfied customer here.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

FalCod said:


> I've heard of this happening. I know someone it happened to. Inside a marriage, it isn't just the unwanted pregnancy but the "what the hell? did you cheat on me?" moment it causes.
> 
> I didn't bother with the checks. If we'd had another, it would have been OK. We were ready to stop, but another wouldn't have been a huge problem. And it wasn't easy getting pregnant the other times.


My friend found out she was pregnant within a few weeks of the vasectomy, so it wasn't a "Did you cheat?" situation so much as an "Are you freaking kiddin me?!?! *sob*" situation. The husband, also a high school friend of mine, had some very dominant genes. The kids, including the youngest, looked so exactly like him and each other you'd think he plucked a hair and cloned himself. All the kids are grown now and I like them all, but I admit the "Surprise!!!" baby has been my favorite ever since he outgrew the baby blob stage and developed a personality.

My friend, B, and my sister both became pregnant after tubal ligations. Both had the clamp method. When it came time for me to have my tubal I requested the old tie, cut, and cauterize method.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You feel less of a man? Damn! How did they cut out? I had mine done 30 years ago, and never regretted it at all.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I've considered a V before, but then I visited some forums for men experiencing problems post-op. We're talkin chronic pain, testicular bursts, painful orgasms. They said the odds of problems was 1 in 50 or so. Scared me straight.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My wife went through two horrific pregnancies. First time, she became gestationally diabetic, and was verging on pre-eclampsia. We actually did not want a second, but accidents do happen. Our son was placenta previa, and my wife was confined to bed from month six onward. So, after the second, I said that it was time for the snip. Glad I did it too, as my surgeon caught a pre-cancerous lesion on my right nut. Out came the nut, and the vas defrens as well.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I had myself 'fixed' as we were done with creating our family, and it was easier for me to do it. I had absolutely no doubts. At the time.

Well, little did I know my family was actually in the middle of falling apart, as my ex was cheating at the time and we'd be separated and divorcing less than two years after my operation.

I was so pissed. Had I known I would end up single and possibly want to start a new family someday, I would never have done it. It felt like that decision was made for me as I did not have informed consent. 

It hurt even more when I learned that my ex and the affair partner were trying to have a baby. Like, we agreed we were done making kids, I took the hit, and now you've changed your mind when I can't?

Yes, I know there are ways, but I'm too old now to want another kid, and haven't met anyone I'd have one with anyways.

When making the decision to have a vasectomy (or tubal), be a cynic, and also consider if you would want more children in a new relationship if your spouse was gone.


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## waynejoey (Jun 8, 2018)

I'm curious as to why you say your wife has a different side of the story. Is it possible you drove her to cheat by doing all the common dumb guy things? Not listening, taking for granted, watching porn, letting intimacy slip, stopped planning dates, yelled at the kids, kicked the dog, didn't provide for the family, put your friends first, put your stuff first, getting drunk, not telling her how appreciated she is...

Probably a good thing you got a V so that more kids wouldn't have to grow up in a broken home.

I wouldn't mind having one more kid, but all-in-all happy I got mine. I don't think my wife could handle the stress of having another kid, our plate is pretty full.


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## Ericlobster (Apr 20, 2017)

1. I would never let anyone tell me if I need to do a vesectomy or not. That's between me and my you know what. I understand though . . . Things happen when you are in relationships.

2. If you don't plan to have kids, you are better off.

3. If you want to have kids, just get it reversed and move on.

I wonder if your spouse cheats on you and you want to break off the marriage, are they still legally entitled to half?

Overall, sorry to hear your story and just hang in there. 

Things could be worst apparently. 

Your boy here is going through an unwanted pregnancy.

Lets see what happens . . . *sighs*


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

TS, I'm sorry your wife cheated on you. This is a tough time, use this board and get more help if you need it. But life will get better.

I don't understand why the vasectomy bothers you so much since you said you don't want any more kids. Why do you think you're "less of a man"? A vasectomy does not affect your testosterone level, despite what some people think. If you hadn't gotten a vasectomy and your wife did all the other crap she did, I think you'd still be (rightly) just as upset as you are now.


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## dpoohclock (Apr 30, 2019)

I got a V done about 14 years ago now, it was a great thing for me. 

At the time I had just finished up helping create my 5th child, and that was enough! 

Never had any inkling of a reason to regret the decision, it was very welcome. My wife at the time was struggling with various birth control issues and didn't want anything permanent, so my getting fixed was helpful in that regard. 

It didn't affect any performance whatsoever, and really wasn't that bad of a procedure, aside from the odd feeling when the doctor was pulling the tube a little bit in order to cut and burn it. Gave you that feeling like he was pulling your guts out down there. 


If I had any inkling of wanting more kids, I wouldn't have done it. But 5 is plenty for me under any circumstance.


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