# Questions For the Pros



## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

I posted for the first time a couple of weeks ago and was very pleased with the amount of help I received from this site. My WW left home two weeks before Christmas with her new OM. I filed for a divorce two days later and have been an emotional and mental wreck ever since. After almost four months I am beginning to see some daylight and have started feeling better about myself. I have a few questions for the pros here. (1). How long does the affair fog last with people. (2). How can a person fake a personality for twenty years only to expose their real self. I found out she has done this type of thing before. She left her first husband just as his father was dying of cancer. She left me just as my father was dying of Alzheimer does anyone out there believe this may be some type of a trigger for her. I want nothing from her except a divorce now.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Arked, I am sorry that you are going through this. My ex did something simular, but not as abrubtly as your STBXW has done.

I know it sounds cliché, but living well is realy your best revenge. I know, who said anything about revenge, but let's face it, we all want them to realize sometime down the line that they fvcked up bigtime.

Our problem is that we didn't "fall out of love" with our spouses. It's all new to us and hence why it's so hard for us to think that we can move on. BUT we indeed can. It will get easier with time. How much time depends on who you are. With me I dove right into dating and thought I had gotten over the hurt. I realized a few years later I hadn't actually gotten over much of anything and was just filling a void with short term relationships and sex. I then took a good hard look at myself and dicided what I would do to just be happier in my "new life". That seemed to work for me. Do things to improve and better YOU. And do them FOR YOU. Not to impress anyone else, including your STBXW. Don't dwell on the past, other than to learn from it. What has happen sucks, but you can't change that. You can change you though.

There are going to be more people posting here that are ALOT better at this then myself. Don't get discouraged, you will get through this. Take care.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Arked...

The affair fog can last a short time or it can be a permanent change. It is different in every case and depends on the WW.

As for you wife... I don't know if she had a fake personality as much as a disorder. The dying parent of the spouse triggering the effect twice... That is extremely statistically rare. She may be afraid of her own mortality and think you are flawed. She may just fear being with you as she has seen mortality so close to you. It seems that she may actually have a mental disorder.

That being said, there is probably no going back, so prepare for the worst. Work on yourself getting better and moving on without her. I am sorry you are here and I hope the best for you.


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