# When To Confront Cheating Wife



## Swede

I would love to hear the ladies' point of view on my situation. I'm a 44-year old man in Sweden and I just found out that my wife, who's 10 years younger, has an affair. We haven't talked about it yet and my problem is that I don't know if there is a "good" moment to do so. I don't want to blow up my relationship during this confrontation. 

How do I know that she's cheating? The past few months she's been going "to the gym" more often and always longer (3-4 hours, while in the past she went for only 1 hour). She never talks about what she does there (she used to do this in the past) and she's not even hungry when she comes home. I found this a little strange for a long time, but my wife has always been open and honest, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. 

Three days ago, I read a text message on her cell phone, by accident. Someone wrote her "I love you". She was in the bathroom at that moment. I told she had received a text message because I had seen the phone vibrating as it always does when she gets one, but didn't say her that I read the message - I was too much in shock. She picked up the cell phone and said it was a message from her brother, asking her to call her. 

Two days ago, again by accident, I noticed that she took her cell phone to the toilet, which she had never done before. When she returned, I asked her if she expected a call, she got angry and asked why I'm acting like I'm Big Brother, and explained that the phone company had sent a commercial text message. 

Yesterday she wrote an email on her computer. She clearly didn't want me to see it and quickly said she was writing a friend. I know her password and later logged in. She had deleted the sent message, but forgotten to delete the concept which was all too clear... 

We've been married for 9 years and like any marriage that has been lasting for so long, we've had our ups and downs, but we have a strong emotional bond and I believe I have always supported her in every possible way. 

Unfortunately, sex was not so good the past 12 months. My small business is going through a difficult time and my wife has been very busy with a new study she started a year ago, and she also went through health problems. Very often we were simply too tired to have sex, but in this respect, the past weeks were much better and she actually became more interested in sex again -- maybe she's feeling guilty?

I deeply love my wife. I have always done so. I always saw her as the most honest person I had ever met. It's actually one of the things that attracted me so much. We have a 6-year old daughter together, she's very sensitive and we both love her very much. It breaks my heart (again) how she will feel when our marriage ends. 

I don't want to end our relationship just because she has an affair. I'm devastated, yet willing to proceed if she ends this affair. I have the impression that she's doing it for the sex and the excitement. If I'm correct, her affair has no future: though I'm not 100% sure, but I think I know her lover and he's a married guy of 50 years old, who's been cheating on his wife a dozen times ever since he got married, and he has always sweared he'll never leave his own family.

The past three days I've going through hell. I tried to act as normal as I could, but whenever I had a private moment, I could only cry. Last night she hugged me like she often does, wanted me to give her a massage and was seeking other physical contact but refused sex. To be honest, I don't know if I'm capable of sex now. I feel so betrayed.

Today started like any other day. She even sent me an email from her school for advice on a piece she's working on.

I don't know how to start talking about it. I don't want to blow up everything, which is possible if I can't control my emotions. Besides, she can also get quite hysteric when she's really angry or feels hurt. But we have to come to a point that I have to confront her with the facts.

And if so, what should we do? We can only try to mend things if she ends her affair. But she can be so emotional that seh might just walk out of the door when I confront her.

Divorce would cause a lot of trouble if that's what she wants. Not only emotionally, or because of our child. But also financially we would be in deep trouble. My wife still has a year to study and only gets a scholarship which is too small to live on. Her lover is jobless and has no money (if it's the guy I described above). I have a small business and I make just enough money to provide one household, but not two, and my revenue has gone down the past year. And together we own a house which - if we sell it - only makes enough money to pay back our mortgage. If at all, because the market isn't good right now.

I'm feeling empty and desperate. I love her. 

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## warlock07

Read this link first

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


To be honest, you have doormat(overtly nice guy that gets taken advantage of) written all over you. She is using your money to go to college and gym and cheating on you? 
There is never a good time to confront your wife about the affair. But a good thing to do before confrontation would be getting undeniable proof. She can easily lie and twist the events to her convenience. She is not the honest person you imagined her to be. So don't bet on her confession and coming clean when you confront her. Install a keylogger on her computer. And collect the evidence and the depth of the betrayal. There might be multiple men.

The day you decide to confront her, ask her if she has to tell you anything regarding the state of the marriage, If she won't, present the evidence you have. Give her a choice to R or D. And give her your terms if she wants to. You cannot expect your wife/daughter to respect you if you cannot do it yourself

A few more links here

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ded-rebuild-trust-dss-honesty.html#post208407


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/21172-never-say-never.html


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## snap

Hi there, am living not that far from you.

Please don't deal with it in calm, passive, P.C. Scandinavian way. Its' the wrong moment.

You should put the divorce on the table right away. Tell her that you love her, but you will not stand her affair. She will have to come clean, stop the contact with the other man, and provide transparency to all her communications (no secrecy).

If she refuses, she ultimately choses her affair over you. Wish her good luck in her new life and file. This is the last resort of a self-respecting man in broken marriage. The divorce in Sweden is far from instant thing, she'll have her time to give it a second thought.

You have to be ready to lose your marriage to win. If she sees you can't let her go, she will have no incentive to stop.


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## lovelygirl

You pretty much know how she's able to lie to your face and look you in the eye like nothing's happening.
When you confront her she'll be a good actress again by begging you, crying and showing false remorse. 

Now you know what she's capable of doing.

The rest is up to you.


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## Swede

Thanks for your replies so far. Appreciate this. Yes, the Scandinavian way is an obstacle in matters like this. In our culture men are expected to give a woman as much freedom as possible and though cheating is not culturally accepted, this liberal culture does make it easier. Many men are quickly accused of "dominant" behavior when they try to check what a woman does. 

And maybe I am a "doormat" but when I allowed my wife to study while I worked, I basically did the same what she did for me a couple of years ago. Back then she worked and earned the family income to give me the opportunity to set up my own business (which wasn't profitable the first year). It was only reasonable to give her the chance to study -- which she actually does (I've seen her grades and they are excellent). 

I know that R of D are the only options. Some (non Scandinavian!) therapists on the Net suggest that you should not put one or both options on the table right away but give it a few days rest once you have a confirmation of her infidelity. Others like you, say you should do it the same day. This is one of the things where I'm stuck. 

I already have some evidence but I realize that more is better, so I tried to install keylogging software but whichever keylogger I chose, it is immediately removed by the antivirus program. And if I turn off the antivirus scan, then install the keylogger, it is kicked out once the antivirus is turned on again.... I even tried Elite Keylogger who claim they are updated daily to pass any antivirus software, but they were removed just as easily as all the other two. 

Any one here who can recommend a program that is not detected by Norton 360? A program that also enables remote keylogging from multiple machines would be even better as my wife has a desktop and a laptop.

And of course your thoughts on my first post are also more than welcome. Like many of the people here, I'm going through some of the worst days of my life.


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## keko

Which phone is she using?

I'm not sure if it can bypass norton but try webwatcher. You can monitor her use from a different computer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gpa

Swede said:


> I already have some evidence but I realize that more is better, so I tried to install keylogging software but whichever keylogger I chose, it is immediately removed by the antivirus program. And if I turn off the antivirus scan, then install the keylogger, it is kicked out once the antivirus is turned on again.... I even tried Elite Keylogger who claim they are updated daily to pass any antivirus software, but they were removed just as easily as all the other two.
> 
> Any one here who can recommend a program that is not detected by Norton 360? A program that also enables remote keylogging from multiple machines would be even better as my wife has a desktop and a laptop.


Install microsoft security essentials. It's better than norton anyway and works with any keylogger.
Ah and please don't follow the Scandinavian way in anything from this point on.


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## Swede

keko said:


> Which phone is she using?
> 
> I'm not sure if it can bypass norton but try webwatcher. You can monitor her use from a different computer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's got an old Sony Ericsson phone without internet access. But of course, she can send and receive text messages.


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## iheartlife

I agree with what has been said (I am a woman, BTW). I am just writing to emphasize:

she has lied many times to you, as you have pointed out to us.

She has become a different person as a result of cheating. She has had to learn to be careful, learn to deflect, learn to trick, learn to conceal.

This habit of lying will not suddenly end when you confront her.

Be careful about showing her the source of your evidence. Here's an example you can see for yourself: when you questioned her about the text--what is the very next thing she did? She made very sure she didn't leave her phone alone with you.

This will not change when you confront her.

If the affair person is who you think it is, you are right, this affair is not likely to have a future (although you never know if that man will leave his family or not--you cannot control him). So you can see for yourself, this is a fantasy that she has constructed. Her first reaction is to protect that fantasy at almost any cost.

This is important: do not beg, cry, or plead for the marriage. That would be a big mistake. She will find it repulsive. She is already mentally putting you down (i.e., finding excuses for why she is entitled to cheat on you) and this will only reinforce her excuses.

As far as being a doormat--first understand that you did nothing to cause her to cheat. Cheating was a CHOICE she made. Most of us made mistakes during our marriage that made it vulnerable to an affair. But cheating is a CHOICE.


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## keko

If you ask your phone company, can they send you the content of the texts?

Are you sure she is even at gym? Maybe she goes to her lovers house? Follow her next time she goes to "gym"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Turn off norton and use security essentials which is free fom MS as someone else has suggested.

When to confront, I'm a fan of telling the other man's wife and then waiting for him to confront you wife, and then wait for her to fne to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Swede

keko said:


> If you ask your phone company, can they send you the content of the texts?
> 
> Are you sure she is even at gym? Maybe she goes to her lovers house? Follow her next time she goes to "gym"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, that's the point. She says she goes to the gym, but I can't believe she spends 3 hours there. 

She started going to the gym on her doctor's advice a few years ago. She has back problems and she really goes to the gym occasionally, I'm quite certain of that, but at least once a week it takes too long to be reasonable. I don't believe her back can stand an intensive 3-hour training but she simply claims she got stronger (another lie, I think). Her lover lives a 30-minute drive from our home and then staying away for 3 hours makes sense.... 

I'm considering to pay a surprise visit to the gym when it takes so long, but suppose she is there, then you need to say something that doesn't reveal you're actually spying.


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## snap

Swede said:


> Thanks for your replies so far. Appreciate this. Yes, the Scandinavian way is an obstacle in matters like this. In our culture men are expected to give a woman as much freedom as possible and though cheating is not culturally accepted, this liberal culture does make it easier. Many men are quickly accused of "dominant" behavior when they try to check what a woman does.


I know a guy here who walked in on his wife screwing and handled it in the traditional, meek manner. Never presenting her consequences nor following up on her communications. After two years of heartache, she moved with her lover to the US.



> And maybe I am a "doormat" but when I allowed my wife to study while I worked, I basically did the same what she did for me a couple of years ago. Back then she worked and earned the family income to give me the opportunity to set up my own business (which wasn't profitable the first year). It was only reasonable to give her the chance to study -- which she actually does (I've seen her grades and they are excellent).


I fully agree that it's reasonable. Notice however how you didn't cheat on her when you were doing your start-up.

Her education and her affair are two separate issues. If she is unwilling to keep you a family, you are under no obligation to support her lifestyle.



> I already have some evidence but I realize that more is better, so I tried to install keylogging software but whichever keylogger I chose, it is immediately removed by the antivirus program. And if I turn off the antivirus scan, then install the keylogger, it is kicked out once the antivirus is turned on again.... I even tried Elite Keylogger who claim they are updated daily to pass any antivirus software, but they were removed just as easily as all the other two.


Norton antivirus has separate controls for virus detection and malware/adware. Try disabling the latter, might do the trick.

Also, get a voice activated recorder. Did wonders for me (you can check my story).


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## keko

To answer a few of your questions,

An affair has a success rate of 3%. Yes it's very likely her lover will dump her at some point given his record. But this doesn't mean she'll be loyal/honest with you right after that.

You need to gather some hard evidence so you can confront your wife and the other man's wife. 

Sorry to say but she is a perfect example of cake eater. You are funding her education, lifestyle yet she turns around and open's her legs to some dbag. 

Until you can gather hard evidence play cool/easy with her, don't make her feel you're onto her.


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## keko

Swede said:


> I'm considering to pay a surprise visit to the gym when it takes so long, but suppose she is there, then you need to say something that doesn't reveal you're actually spying.


No, not a surprise visit. If she didn't even go to the gym that day you wont know where she actually is. Can you have a close friend folow her next time she goes to gym?


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## Almostrecovered

there should a setting in Norton that "allows" programs to run


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## Swede

iheartlife said:


> She has become a different person as a result of cheating. She has had to learn to be careful, learn to deflect, learn to trick, learn to conceal.
> 
> This habit of lying will not suddenly end when you confront her.
> 
> Be careful about showing her the source of your evidence. Here's an example you can see for yourself: when you questioned her about the text--what is the very next thing she did? She made very sure she didn't leave her phone alone with you.


Thanks! Yes, the phone is now in her handbag all the time and since she has always had the habit of using many different handbags, things have not become easier.

Correct me if I'm wrong: what you suggest is confront her with the evidence, be prepared for lies, and not show the source of my evidence? The latter is very difficult. I can only get evidence if I spy on her, and when I present it, she will always understand that I have looking into her computers or whatever she uses.


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## iheartlife

Swede said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong: what you suggest is confront her with the evidence, be prepared for lies, and not show the source of my evidence? The latter is very difficult. I can only get evidence if I spy on her, and when I present it, she will always understand that I have looking into her computers or whatever she uses.


Yes, but she doesn't know precisely how. Most people (like me, before I came to TAM) don't know about keyloggers, for example. They don't know that there's software that runs in the background and catches passwords.

You've already mentioned you know her passwords. If you confront her right this minute, what's she going to do? Change all her passwords and lock you out.

So you have to be ONE STEP AHEAD. The benefit of coming to a forum like this is you are going to be given advice on how to close off every avenue so that she cannot continue to trick you.

Here is the danger: you love her very much. You said yourself she was (was) the most honest person you knew. When she turns to you and looks you full in the eyes and says, yes I cheated, but it's over, are you going to believe us--or her?

You are going to believe her. But again, cheaters lie. (I am here to say my husband managed to hide his affair an additional 3 YEARS because I trusted him that it had ended. But I didn't know that affairs are fantasies that are VERY hard for the cheater to end.) We are just trying to help you preserve as many rather easy ways of confirming if she's telling the truth to you down the road--or not.

My husband and I are happily recommited and reconciling. So there is hope. But please learn from the mistakes of others and save yourself years of heartache.


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## Shaggy

Could you follow her when she goes to the. Gym or have a friend do it? It sounds like she is using at least some of these trips to visit him,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap

You can give her a shot at coming clean without any evidence. It's not like you are in court.

Tell that you know for certain she's cheating, and she has her one and only chance to stop it and come clean. Be vague, there are many ways for affairs to surface, could be friends giving you a hint, spotting her with the OM, etc.

She will try to fish how much exactly you know, to gaslight you on those bits. Deflect those attempts, emphasize that you know and you know enough.


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## Entropy3000

Swede said:


> Well, that's the point. She says she goes to the gym, but I can't believe she spends 3 hours there.
> 
> She started going to the gym on her doctor's advice a few years ago. She has back problems and she really goes to the gym occasionally, I'm quite certain of that, but at least once a week it takes too long to be reasonable. I don't believe her back can stand an intensive 3-hour training but she simply claims she got stronger (another lie, I think). Her lover lives a 30-minute drive from our home and then staying away for 3 hours makes sense....
> 
> I'm considering to pay a surprise visit to the gym when it takes so long, but suppose she is there, then you need to say something that doesn't reveal you're actually spying.


I have no idea from your posts why you think you know who her lover is. Why are you so sure of this? 

BTW, riding out an affair is not the way to go. Perhaps it has not gone physical. Yes it looks bad, but in any event the earlier you catch this less bonded they are.


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## Entropy3000

Swede said:


> Well, that's the point. She says she goes to the gym, but I can't believe she spends 3 hours there.
> 
> She started going to the gym on her doctor's advice a few years ago. She has back problems and she really goes to the gym occasionally, I'm quite certain of that, but at least once a week it takes too long to be reasonable. I don't believe her back can stand an intensive 3-hour training but she simply claims she got stronger (another lie, I think). Her lover lives a 30-minute drive from our home and then staying away for 3 hours makes sense....
> 
> I'm considering to pay a surprise visit to the gym when it takes so long, but suppose she is there, then you need to say something that doesn't reveal you're actually spying.


I have no idea from your posts why you think you know who her lover is. Why are you so sure of this? 

BTW, riding out an affair is not the way to go. Perhaps it has not gone physical. Yes it looks bad, but in any event the earlier you catch this less bonded they are. 

Yes show up at the gym. First off you likely will find evidence she is not going to the gym or meeting someone else. Stay stealth. Do not show your hand. Give it some time. BUT then if you run into her just take her out to eat. But you focus is on NOT being seen. NOT confronting too soon. You need to see if she leaves with someone. A good chance she never gets to the gym at all.


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## lovelygirl

snap said:


> I fully agree that it's reasonable. Notice however how you didn't cheat on her when you were doing your start-up.
> 
> Her education and her affair are two separate issues. If she is unwilling to keep you a family, you are under no obligation to support her lifestyle.


Totally true. She can do whatever she wants with her studies and so on as long as she's faithful to you. 
Just because you let her study doesn't mean you've been liberal with her because it's her right to continue her studies. But to cheat on you, that's something you should not tolerate.


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## tacoma

I'd slow down if I were the OP.

Don't confront because at this point you have no objective evidence.

Drive by the gym and see if her car is there, don't go in but just see if she leaves the gym and goes to her car if it is there.

If there's little chance to snoop digitally on her PC/Phone then go old school & follow her.
A voice recorder under her car seat will likely get you the evidence you need quickly if I exists.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri

Consult with a divorce attorney to become aware of your legal options in case of a divorce. If this is an exit type of affair, you could mitigate the financial impact of divorce if you are able to formulate a good divorce plan.

I would also recommend that you start implementing *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559* and *The 180 degree rules* to emotionally detach from your wife. Following the principles in them will give you the emotional strength to face whatever comes you way.


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## bryanp

Your wife is cheating on you and putting your health at risk for STD's but you are fearful of even saying anything? What is wrong with this picture? If the roles were reversed would your wife be afraid of confronting you about you screwing another woman behind her back and betraying her and making her look like a fool?

She is totally disrespecting you and your marriage and putting your health at risk for STD's. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Time to man up. Good luck.


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## Swede

Thanks for all your comments. 

Some ask why I think that I know her lover. Remember, I've read a concept of an email she sent him. It doesn't make much sense here to go into detail, and it would be pretty painful too, but from what she wrote I got a picture to whom she wrote it.

This man had an affair with one my wife's friends and that is how she met him. Now this friend of my wife is abroad for business and more or less ended her affair with the guy. I met him a few times as well though only briefly. He's an old style macho who proudly tells you that he doesn't even know how many women he has been to bed with. 

I don't have 100% certainty because I haven't seen a name or email address, just a concept of a message, but from what I read, I think I am right about the guy and it was clear that they have a relationship that's not just friendly. To me, this message alone is evidence there is something going on, but I need to have more.

Now that I know about it I reflected my wife's behavior in recent weeks and I realize now that she has been more nervous than usual, and this nervousness has become bigger since I asked why she checked her cell phone, two days ago. She's uncomfortable with the situation, I think.


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## Entropy3000

Indeed. Hopefully you have caught this soon enough. That said, you can see that transparency can help a spouse look out for the other. Had you seen that she was friends with this know predator you could have intervened.

This also tells you that your wife finds this macho guy attractive. You seem way too nice. You were even willing to let her have her fling with an Alpha guy while you support her. So you being very Beta is actully going to turn her off and push her away.
So stop being so undarstanding. That attitude is going to be seen as weak and low value to your wife. She is in an affair with a know predator. One who takes what he wants. He is dominating you with your wife. The fact she knew how he was before the brain chemicals kicked in tells you she is doing this with pre-meditation.


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## Swede

bryanp said:


> Your wife is cheating on you and putting your health at risk for STD's but you are fearful of even saying anything? What is wrong with this picture? If the roles were reversed would your wife be afraid of confronting you about you screwing another woman behind her back and betraying her and making her look like a fool?
> 
> She is totally disrespecting you and your marriage and putting your health at risk for STD's. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Time to man up. Good luck.


The point is that I asked advice because I don't want this conversation to go out of hand because of my wife's temperament -- she's not an easy person to handle and tends to get unreasonable. I don't expect it to run smoothly, of coures not, but there are limits. 

When you blow up a marriage but have a young kid you will still have to deal with each other for a long long time. My daughter is my main concern, here. It will be difficult enough for her when we get there. 

Therefore I want to be sure that my wife cannot deny anything and that things won't become TOO emotional. So: I need more evidence and I'm about to get it, and then I'll confront her and we'll see. Now I just need an opportunity to install a keylogger on her computer.


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## snap

She knows that if you dump her, she has a problem. She feels you are onto her. This makes her nervous.

So, draw a line. Don't respond to any of her lies (and she *will* lie when confronted), just make it a point that it's not your idea of relationship and you're on your way out. It doesn't give her any way to threaten you or fuss about privacy; she can have all the privacy in the world in her future single life.

Sorry if this sounds adversarial, but the truth is, right now she views you as an enemy and acts accordingly.

As to the man.. expose him to his wife when you get a proof. You don't have to keep it civil and classy. An upside of Scandinavian way is that the OM never really expects you to swing it at them.


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## Swede

Entropy3000 said:


> Indeed. Hopefully you have caught this soon enough. That said, you can see that transparency can help a spouse look out for the other. Had you seen that she was friends with this know predator you could have intervened.


You know, she always spoke badly about him and his affairs, and she always said she didn't like Alpha guys... So I never worried, really, though I knew such predators posess some kind of magic that attracts women. 

But you are right, I tend to be too nice  But that doesn't give her the right to cheat.


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## Entropy3000

Swede said:


> You know, she always spoke badly about him and his affairs, and she always said she didn't like Alpha guys... So I never worried, really, though I knew such predators posess some kind of magic that attracts women.
> 
> But you are right, I tend to be too nice  But that doesn't give her the right to cheat.


She certainly has no right indeed. But you see that she at the least had these confused feelings. She has poor boundaries. He went after her and she responded. It is even possible she went after him and he responded.

She may rationalize and say he is really great guy and insist he is not Alpha. But she let him in. That is a very poor boundary.


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## ShootMePlz!

Now!!! You have all you need to know. The only one you are helping is the OM's sex life. Stop the madness!!!


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## morituri

Swede said:


> You know, she always spoke badly about him and his affairs, and she always said she didn't like Alpha guys... So I never worried, really, though I knew such predators possess some kind of magic that attracts women.


I've come to the conclusion that women who do this are secretly attracted to these men. Granted that not all women who are will act on their attraction but many will.

Women are not attracted to cowardly men - which sadly you may be perceived by her. They are attracted to men who respect themselves enough to dump them when they richly deserve it - like your wife has.


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## Shaggy

She heard all the nice talk from her gf who was cheating with him and she decided to give him a try out.

You need to go nuclear on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem

morituri said:


> I've come to the conclusion that women who do this are secretly attracted to these men. Granted that not all women who are will act on their attraction but many will.


:iagree:

I've read that about affairs. Bewars of the man that your wife says she dislikes, then suddenly stops talking about. That's a red flag.


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## Entropy3000

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I've read that about affairs. Bewars of the man that your wife says she dislikes, then suddenly stops talking about. That's a red flag.


This is a precept. It should go in the "book of essential knowledge".


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## lovelygirl

morituri said:


> I've come to the conclusion that women who do this are secretly attracted to these men.


Indeed. The fact that she talks about him [whether good or bad] it means he's part of her interest and attention.
She wasn't indifferent towards him. That's what matters.


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## bandit.45

lovelygirl said:


> Indeed. The fact that she talks about him [whether good or bad] it means he's part of her interest and attention.
> She wasn't indifferent towards him. That's what matters.


Didn't matter enough to her to keep her from throwing her legs up for another man. Swede is her fall-back plan, nothing more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn

bandit.45 said:


> Didn't matter enough to her to keep her from throwing her legs up for another man. Swede is her fall-back plan, nothing more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


bandit45 glad your back!:smthumbup:


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## rainman123

Swede said:


> I already have some evidence but I realize that more is better, so I tried to install keylogging software but whichever keylogger I chose, it is immediately removed by the antivirus program. *And if I turn off the antivirus scan, then install the keylogger, it is kicked out once the antivirus is turned on again.*... I even tried Elite Keylogger who claim they are updated daily to pass any antivirus software, but they were removed just as easily as all the other two.
> 
> Any one here who can recommend a program that is not detected by Norton 360? A program that also enables remote keylogging from multiple machines would be even better as my wife has a desktop and a laptop.
> 
> And of course your thoughts on my first post are also more than welcome. Like many of the people here, I'm going through some of the worst days of my life.


You can disable anti virus program by 2 way:

1. By going to Windows Services & change all Norton related services status to either manul or disable. After that just stop all Norton related services or just reboot the machine. All norton related services will remain disabled until you enable it again.

2. By disabling Norton service from starting up when Windows start. Here is how to do it:

Click start\run then type "msconfig" & press enter. A new window will pop up, just uncheck all Norton related services from "services" tab & click ok, reboot the computer, this will disable all Norton related services when the window starts up.

Offcourse another way is just uninstall Norton & reinstall it again once you are done with Keylogger after few days.

Hope this helps.


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## Swede

Thanks all for your comments and advice - you are all helpful. I haven't made any progress in getting more evidence the past 24 hours because it's a holiday over here and my wife is at home (like I am) so I can't install anything on her computer. But tomorrow I should have the chance to put a keylogger on it. 

She's extremely nervous today, has headaches and feels bad without apparent reason. Almost like me - though I try to hide it. 

The only thing I still need is 100% certainty about her lover's identity. Otherwise it will be difficult to check if she's still in contact with him, should she promise to end the affair. Her study makes it necessary to regularly correspond with other students of which some are male. I don't want her to give the name of someone else and then continue to stay in contact with the real man. 

Hope to get this sorted out quickly.


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## Chaparral

Good luck


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## Chaparral

Swede said:


> Thanks all for your comments and advice - you are all helpful. I haven't made any progress in getting more evidence the past 24 hours because it's a holiday over here and my wife is at home (like I am) so I can't install anything on her computer. But tomorrow I should have the chance to put a keylogger on it.
> 
> She's extremely nervous today, has headaches and feels bad without apparent reason. Almost like me - though I try to hide it.
> 
> The only thing I still need is 100% certainty about her lover's identity. Otherwise it will be difficult to check if she's still in contact with him, should she promise to end the affair. Her study makes it necessary to regularly correspond with other students of which some are male. I don't want her to give the name of someone else and then continue to stay in contact with the real man.
> 
> Hope to get this sorted out quickly.


I expect your body language, at some level, is telling her more than she wants to know.

The next time she goes to the gym, you should ask her if its going to be a one hour workout or a three hour trip.


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## iheartlife

chapparal said:


> I expect your body language, at some level, is telling her more than she wants to know.
> 
> The next time she goes to the gym, you should ask her if its going to be a one hour workout or a three hour trip.


But what about letting her squirm while he at least confirms who the OM is.


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## lovelygirl

Swede said:


> She's extremely nervous today, has headaches and feels bad without apparent reason. Almost like me - though I try to hide it.


Actually, you both have a reason for feeling nervous today.
It's hard for her to keep in touch with her lover while she's home.
It's hard for you to snoop when she's home.


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## happyman64

Good Luck Swede.

Keep the squirming up.

Oh by the way, use her computer and leave the screen up with about 6 do it yourself divorce sites.

When she asks you what you are doing tell her "research".

Happy Holiday...

HM64


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## morituri

Hope she hasn't missed her period.


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## lovewarrior

confront the guy I'm pretty sure that fb or twitter can slap aface with the name never bring it up with her . by no means am I saying knock the guys block off but be flat frank and firm matter-of-factly not threating but like aLion saying that's gonna do it. He will do all the rest for you , but be non-chalaunt about your everyday business at home the guys is gonna bring it up to her that you know' and she's gonna (and this is how you know she knows ) try to peer questionally at you but you must remain calm . now I predict one of two things, either she will just confess without you asking not saying right off but within awk or two , the other thing could happen is she could ask how did you know hear is your reply along the lines like smile and say ive loved you day, night, sun, rain, good, bad in fact everyday since we met .so if there is a guy out there that can love you ,an can see what I see,he brings you true joy or happiness don't believe him he is a snake cause I without a doubt am yours an there is only one true love you are promised so... I cut out the you wanna tell him or me ,(jokingly smug ) be that confident man you are and kiss her with the kiss that won her in the first place . now if the guys a tuff guy ask il give ya my number ex army ranger an spent the adolescent yrs a boxing ring til I signed up . tuff guys are my specialty lol


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## syhoybenden

The dead walk among us.


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## farsidejunky

Zombie. Closing. 

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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