# Giving my wife nude pictures of me.



## CrazyGuy

Many years ago I noticed that our marriage was boring and it was stressing me out. We did not have sex hardly at all. We were in our late 20's.

So I decided to be daring. I wrote my wife a note explaining that hey, I feel like we are being old farts, lets live and have some fun. Enclosed in the letter were some nude pics of me that I took with a camera with a self timer on a tripod.

I know this is going to come up in our marriage counseling session sooner or later.

She still brings this up time to time and how I am a disgusting perv.

Ladies how would have reacted to this?


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## Mrs. T

CrazyGuy said:


> Many years ago I noticed that our marriage was boring and it was stressing me out. We did not have sex hardly at all. We were in our late 20's.
> 
> So I decided to be daring. I wrote my wife a note explaining that hey, I feel like we are being old farts, lets live and have some fun. Enclosed in the letter were some nude pics of me that I took with a camera with a self timer on a tripod.
> 
> I know this is going to come up in our marriage counseling session sooner or later.
> 
> She still brings this up time to time and how I am a disgusting perv.
> 
> Ladies how would have reacted to this?


Well, I absolutely love it when my husband is being a disgusting perv so I would have smiled and enjoyed every picture. :smthumbup:


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## Scannerguard

Dude,

The female body is a work of art. 

The male body is just utilitarian, something you use to get around, like a jeep.

So. . .

Don't pass pics to your wife. . .read Nancy Friday's books (they are pop psychology all based on sexual fantasies and a lot of male sexual fantasies are based on the fact our moms/wives tell us to put "that thing" away, that it's ugly. ..thus enter exhibitionism, female domination, etc. . .).

You married mom.

See? You can skip the analysis on that part and just come to ol' Scannerguard.


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## square1

I would like it if my husband gave me pics. I hint and straight out ask for them but sadly it takes months before I get just one.


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## CrazyGuy

Another thing is. She told me that she was so disgusted by the letter that she could not even read it. She could not get past the pictures. She told me that I needed to see a psychologist. But....

She hid that letter and pics for years in one of her clothes drawer even though she said that she threw it out. If she found it so disgusting why would she save it for so long?


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## Enchantment

Well, nudey pics wouldn't do much for me personally. But, I openly admit that I am not much of a visually titillated person - and luckily my H has that one figured out now. 

If he had done this to me, I would likely have just smiled at him and said "you KNOW pics don't do it for me, but if you kiss my feet, it will". And I mean literally kissing my feet - I think I have a fetish for someone having a fetish for my feet - if that makes any sense. 

I guess that's what it comes down to, though -getting to know your spouse and what they like/dislike. Maybe some chocolates or flowers or an unexpected night out would have lit your wife's fire more.

Although, crazyguy, it sounds like maybe your wife has some inhibitions/repressions (showing disgust at the pics), but maybe she doesn't want to (keeping them). I think there are likely a fair number of women who are in that kind of boat. Their chains of repression are very strong.

Best wishes.


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## I'mAllIn

CrazyGuy said:


> Another thing is. She told me that she was so disgusted by the letter that she could not even read it. She could not get past the pictures. She told me that I needed to see a psychologist. But....
> 
> She hid that letter and pics for years in one of her clothes drawer even though she said that she threw it out. If she found it so disgusting why would she save it for so long?


I can only think of two reasons why she'd keep the letter and photos after telling you she threw them away. The first would be that she actually did like the photos but was too embarrassed to admit it. The second would be as ammo in future arguments or divorce. Only you know your wife well enough to determine which of those it could be.


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## Hope1964

I would only want pics of my hubby naked if he looked like a Greek god in them (that would take some photomanipulation!!) and then I would want 12 of them so I could do myself up a calendar and hang it up at work . Or maybe one that was good enough to hang up and frame in our bedroom.

But if he did do something like that it certainly wouldn't disgust me. 

Years ago when I was hot I did my hubby a key chain of me in a sexy pose. He loved it and used it for years till it broke. He still even has it. They way I look now I wouldn't do anything like that tho. I'm too fat.


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## CrazyGuy

I'mAllIn said:


> I can only think of two reasons why she'd keep the letter and photos after telling you she threw them away. The first would be that she actually did like the photos but was too embarrassed to admit it. The second would be as ammo in future arguments or divorce. Only you know your wife well enough to determine which of those it could be.


I can think of a third reason but none of them make sense.

1) She liked it..... If she did it got me nowhere.

2) She was disgusted and ammo for arguments and divorce..... Nothing really bad about it in my book. Although she has brought it up in arguments she never admitted keeping it. I know it is no longer in that drawer, I do not know if she threw it out or started to hide it in another place.

3) She was really disgusted and so offended that she made attempts to read it later when she felt better and could accept it..... Never had a serious discussion about it other then that I need help I am a perv. So it was basically ignored.

The pictures were taken at a time when I was working my butt off when she was a stay at home mom. I lost 40lb because of all that stress and work and looked better then I had In a long time.

Funny thing is she always thought she was fat when she looked great. She always wanted to loose just a few pounds. She wanted to make a pin up poster of herself that I could hang up at work. She was so much more fun and open before we got married. Of course that poster never did happen. She only gained weight. 

Anyways, apparently after 20 years I am still not good with the female mind. So ladies any incite if this is a turn on,off or whatever else?


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## Unhappy2011

I feel confident about how I look, and my woman calls me her sexy man.

But I would never take naked pics of myself to give her. I would never think to do that. That just seems weird.

Having said that, her reaction to call you a "disgusting perv" was uncalled for and pretty mean if you ask me.

It's shaming language which is not cool.


If the genders were reversed here, most women would be very hurt if they got a negative reaction for taking naked pics for their husband.


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## heartsbeating

CrazyGuy said:


> Anyways, apparently after 20 years I am still not good with the female mind. So ladies any incite if this is a turn on,off or whatever else?


I need an emoticon that says "Enchantment Nailed It." 

You need to know what 'speaks' to your wife. Only she can really tell you why she found it offensive. To speculate, maybe that isn't her style at ALL and the timing and who knows what, struck her the wrong way. Only she can answer this for you, including why she kept them.

It does sound hurtful that she called you a perv for this. Based on how you described it, with the LETTER, which would be key for me, I'd receive this with good humor. As much as I admire my husband's body, receiving a photo wouldn't turn me on. BUT the letter and unexpected nature of this would be the intriguing factor! Everyone is different though. 

I think context is key, including perhaps where your relationship was at at the time. I'm not saying this justifies her reaction though. I'm sorry to hear that.


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## heartsbeating

Unhappy2011 said:


> If the genders were reversed here, most women would be very hurt if they got a negative reaction for taking naked pics for their husband.


Completely agree.


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## I'mAllIn

CrazyGuy said:


> The pictures were taken at a time when I was working my butt off when she was a stay at home mom. I lost 40lb because of all that stress and work and looked better then I had In a long time.
> 
> Anyways, apparently after 20 years I am still not good with the female mind. So ladies any incite if this is a turn on,off or whatever else?


You're right, that 3rd reason did make some sense also. Any of those could be why she kept it when she said she didn't. 

As for your last question, I personally would have found the photos to be a turn on, especially if as you said you were in better shape than you had been in a long time. But I tend to think a little more like a man than a woman in the sense of being very visual. Even if I hadn't found them to be a turn on though, I'd never call my husband things like disgusting or a perv. That's where I think your wife was way out of line. There are ways to express that we don't like something our spouse has done without calling names like bratty children.


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## CrazyGuy

I'mAllIn said:


> You're right, that 3rd reason did make some sense also. Any of those could be why she kept it when she said she didn't.
> 
> As for your last question, I personally would have found the photos to be a turn on, especially if as you said you were in better shape than you had been in a long time. But I tend to think a little more like a man than a woman in the sense of being very visual. Even if I hadn't found them to be a turn on though, I'd never call my husband things like disgusting or a perv. That's where I think your wife was way out of line. There are ways to express that we don't like something our spouse has done without calling names like bratty children.


Truth be known, I do know her very well. I was hoping though that I was wrong. The letter and pictures was one of many desperate and failed attempts to fix this marriage. I was looking for other perceptions though.

All the head games it dose goes down to "bratty children." Man that hits home. Just the other day we were discussing our problems. That discussion ended in her telling me "I hope you choke on your breakfast." Later on she brought that up again and laughed about it. I try not criticize her, she is my wife. But she takes every opportunity to cut me down in some stupid power struggle. The only thing she does not get is that I am not playing games. 

I am going to go through a few more counseling sessions. If no change after that then I am done. The only way I can make her grow up is to make her live alone. I wasted 20 years on a child playing games.


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## heartsbeating

CrazyGuy said:


> I am going to go through a few more counseling sessions. If no change after that then I am done. The only way I can make her grow up is to make her live alone. I wasted 20 years on a child playing games.




maybe you should take those photos back or destroy them, if you're heading for that path and she handles things in a bratty manner.


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## tacoma

Crazyguy.

I just have to say I can`t even imagine my wife ever saying she hoped I choked on my meal.

I also can`t imagine her ever calling me a disgusting perv unless in jest.
Or laughing at something important or painful to me.

These are pretty good indicators of how she feels towards you.
It`s not very nice.

Hell, my wife asks for pervy pics of me.


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## tacoma

heartsbeating said:


> maybe you should take those photos back or destroy them, if you're heading for that path and she handles things in a bratty manner.


Yeah I`d definitely get those pics back and destroy them.
I wouldn`t trust a woman that treated me like your wife does to have them in her possession.


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## Unhappy2011

CrazyGuy said:


> Truth be known, I do know her very well. I was hoping though that I was wrong. The letter and pictures was one of many desperate and failed attempts to fix this marriage. I was looking for other perceptions though.
> 
> All the head games it dose goes down to "bratty children." Man that hits home. Just the other day we were discussing our problems. That discussion ended in her telling me "I hope you choke on your breakfast." Later on she brought that up again and laughed about it. I try not criticize her, she is my wife. But she takes every opportunity to cut me down in some stupid power struggle. The only thing she does not get is that I am not playing games.
> 
> I am going to go through a few more counseling sessions. If no change after that then I am done. The only way I can make her grow up is to make her live alone. I wasted 20 years on a child playing games.


Dude, honestly how can you even stand that?

I can't imagine my SO talking to me that way.

People who do that I remove from my life. But you are married to her.

You let her have all the power and she is using it over you.

You need to stand up to her.


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## janesmith

CrazyGuy said:


> Many years ago I noticed that our marriage was boring and it was stressing me out. We did not have sex hardly at all. We were in our late 20's.
> 
> So I decided to be daring. I wrote my wife a note explaining that hey, I feel like we are being old farts, lets live and have some fun. Enclosed in the letter were some nude pics of me that I took with a camera with a self timer on a tripod.
> 
> I know this is going to come up in our marriage counseling session sooner or later.
> 
> She still brings this up time to time and how I am a disgusting perv.
> 
> Ladies how would have reacted to this?



oh my god, that is sooooo cute. I think I just fell in love a little


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## janesmith

Scannerguard said:


> Dude,
> 
> The female body is a work of art.
> 
> The male body is just utilitarian, something you use to get around, like a jeep.
> 
> So. . .
> 
> Don't pass pics to your wife. . .read Nancy Friday's books (they are pop psychology all based on sexual fantasies and a lot of male sexual fantasies are based on the fact our moms/wives tell us to put "that thing" away, that it's ugly. ..thus enter exhibitionism, female domination, etc. . .).
> 
> You married mom.
> 
> See? You can skip the analysis on that part and just come to ol' Scannerguard.


thats stupid advice, lmao. the male body is beautiful an different and interesting. My eyes are colored by love, so less hair and lots of weight later, this dude is still sexy as hell


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## dubbizle

I think your wife's reaction was disgusting and I would go no where near marriage counseling with that woman if she feels that way,why would you even want to stay with that woman. 

My wife sends me nude pictures its boots knocking time.


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## JustWaiting

I applaud you on trying to do something. So, she's checked out and anything you do right now is somehow wrong or stupid because she does not respect you. She has the photo so she can make fun of you with one of her toxic friends. She may or may not show them the pictures, but she can tell them about it. Destroy the pictures.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CrazyGuy

Trust me I know I let her get away with too much. For the first time I can see how she deflects the truth. Every time she burst out with something hateful I know that I won the battle and it gives me more strength. I hate using the word battle but that's what she is in. She thinks I am going threw a mid life crisis. She is wrong. She thinks that she is in battle with me, she is wrong, she is in battle with herself. When she sees herself for what she is, she going to fall hard. I feel sorry for her. 

I heard a lot more nasty stuff then what I posted here. For the longest time I just did not pay attention to it. Wake up call was making my 10 year old cry. Yelling at him "I hate your father".

Marriage counseling had brought out a lot of her faults. So she took the battle to facebook, posted a bunch of stuff to get a reaction from me. I remained silent though, I think even her friends are seeing how crazy and trashy that is. Emailing a bunch of false crap to get support and strength. I can see what she is doing. She is a frightened person. She thinks being silent is weak, but i am very strong.

The pictures I am not afraid of. She wants to show them to her friends....go ahead. All she is going to do by this is send desperate women my way. I am not ashamed. They were done for a good reason. 

On this forum I see a lot of men and women trying to keep there marriages together despite many hardships. Often it is a one way street with a partner that just can not change there ways. It ends in divorce. So I know there are a lot of women out there looking for a responsible man. Women that would love me for who I am. Woman that know how to please a man but unfortunately just never found the correct man. Finding one of these women in life would be nice. I would know how to treat them back.

People want to know why I stuck it out for so long? 

1) She wore my self confidence down....but I got that back.
2) Religious reasons......I did some praying and it comes down to this. If divorce is wrong, as a Christian I am forgiven through Jesus Christ. I do not think God intended marriage to be like this.
3) For my son to have a stable home..... He is getting the wrong message how people should be. I do not think divorce is going to mess him up more.
4) Help me I still love her, she is my sons mother......I realize it is not the husband/wife type of love. It is more of a grown up loving the child type of love. It is wrong.

I plan on being a good father to my son. I will be there for him. The only thing I worry about is my wife. Who is going to pick up the pieces for her. My biggest fear is she will hit rock bottom and make a change for the good. Why do I fear this? Because I would not know what to do. Take her back or let her find somebody else?

There is still time for her to change, to be a wife. No plans are set in stone. We will continue with counseling. I will see where that goes but it is not looking very hopeful.

Thanks everybody for your help!!


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## I'mAllIn

CrazyGuy said:


> Truth be known, I do know her very well. I was hoping though that I was wrong. The letter and pictures was one of many desperate and failed attempts to fix this marriage. I was looking for other perceptions though.
> 
> All the head games it dose goes down to "bratty children." Man that hits home. Just the other day we were discussing our problems. That discussion ended in her telling me "I hope you choke on your breakfast." Later on she brought that up again and laughed about it. I try not criticize her, she is my wife. But she takes every opportunity to cut me down in some stupid power struggle. The only thing she does not get is that I am not playing games.
> 
> I am going to go through a few more counseling sessions. If no change after that then I am done. The only way I can make her grow up is to make her live alone. I wasted 20 years on a child playing games.


I'm sorry to hear that you've been treated this way in your marriage. No one deserves to be spoken to that way. She must have very poor self esteem to have to cut you down like that. I don't think there are any other perceptions to be had other than that you're being treated poorly and you shouldn't allow it to continue for any reason.

What does your counselor say about her verbal abuse?


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## heartsbeating

I don't condone her bratty behavior by any means - please know this. I don't think anyone should be treated this way, especially within a marriage. 

However I am curious as to what might ignite someone to respond with "I hope you choke on your food." She is very angry. Has she always been this way, or was there a turning point?


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## CrazyGuy

I'mAllIn said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you've been treated this way in your marriage. No one deserves to be spoken to that way. She must have very poor self esteem to have to cut you down like that. I don't think there are any other perceptions to be had other than that you're being treated poorly and you shouldn't allow it to continue for any reason.
> 
> What does your counselor say about her verbal abuse?


Yes she does have poor self esteem. She is normally such a great person to everybody else. To feel good she has to feel like she fits in a crowd.
1) Came from a broken home with abuse.
2) Thrown out at an early age.
3) Always had a problem with her weight even when she looked great. Would hide behind somebody when getting a picture taken. Could never accept a compliment, that would make her angry. She is now 60 lb more from when we got married. That is 20 lb more then what I weigh now.
4) Never able to finish classes above high school. I supported her through four different classes but she always dropped out. She is not dumb, she is very talented, but she does not use her talents. It is a shame.

I could make the list longer but you get the idea. She has seen a psychologist many times. She ends up getting mad and stops going. Meds make her feel funny so she does not take them.

Even with her weight she always tells me how she going to workout ect. But it never happens. Always an excuse for everything. She gets home from work between 1:00 and 2:00. Our son gets off the bus at 3:40 but she says that she has no time to exercise. When I try to exercise, she gets mad, says I am selfish for using that time.

In marriage counseling the topic of verbal abuse never came up....Not yet. There are so many other issues to go over. She only gets angry with what is said. We always have big arguments after marriage counseling. The only reason she is in counseling is because I gave her a choice that we could get a divorce now, or we could do counseling first and see what happens. Despite how she treats me being on her own scares her. For me though it would be a relief. I had enough, things have to change. 

After so many years I am not sure she is going to be able to change. Not much more I can do. She needs to fix her problems and stop the blaming, excuses and deflection of issues. I am taking the sessions seriously.


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## CrazyGuy

heartsbeating said:


> I don't condone her bratty behavior by any means - please know this. I don't think anyone should be treated this way, especially within a marriage.
> 
> However I am curious as to what might ignite someone to respond with "I hope you choke on your food." She is very angry. Has she always been this way, or was there a turning point?


The argument was over the fact that I was meeting her expectations as discussed in counseling. But she had not done anything about my expectations. She had no answer to that fact so she blew up.

Other then that....She would blame it on PMS.


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## heartsbeating

CrazyGuy said:


> The argument was over the fact that I was meeting her expectations as discussed in counseling. But she had not done anything about my expectations. She had no answer to that fact so she blew up.
> 
> Other then that....She would blame it on PMS.


Not cool. Not cool at all.


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## Thor

CrazyGuy said:


> Yes she does have poor self esteem. She is normally such a great person to everybody else. To feel good she has to feel like she fits in a crowd.
> 1) Came from a broken home with abuse.


First off, I am wearing glasses of a particular color, so everything is likely to look that color to me. Having made that disclosure ...

My first thought reading your opening post, and before reading the part quoted above, was your wife might have been sexually abused as a child.

Many women aren't turned on by visual stimulation the way a man is. It is quite possible your wife looked at the pictures and was not turned on. And that would be ok and within norms.

But to be _offended_ by it seems way over the edge. It is certainly a big red flag to me that she was sexually abused or sexually assaulted.

Does she wear revealing clothing? Has she been comfortable wearing lingerie or a bikini when her weight was lower? Or has she been uncomfortable with nudity and revealing clothing?

These would be another red flag of sex abuse.

It in no way excuses her reaction to your picture, but it would explain it. If she was abused or assaulted it is a big big problem for your marriage and she needs significant long term therapy for it.


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## CrazyGuy

Thor said:


> First off, I am wearing glasses of a particular color, so everything is likely to look that color to me. Having made that disclosure ...
> 
> My first thought reading your opening post, and before reading the part quoted above, was your wife might have been sexually abused as a child.
> 
> Many women aren't turned on by visual stimulation the way a man is. It is quite possible your wife looked at the pictures and was not turned on. And that would be ok and within norms.
> 
> But to be _offended_ by it seems way over the edge. It is certainly a big red flag to me that she was sexually abused or sexually assaulted.
> 
> Does she wear revealing clothing? Has she been comfortable wearing lingerie or a bikini when her weight was lower? Or has she been uncomfortable with nudity and revealing clothing?
> 
> These would be another red flag of sex abuse.
> 
> It in no way excuses her reaction to your picture, but it would explain it. If she was abused or assaulted it is a big big problem for your marriage and she needs significant long term therapy for it.


You nailed it. It is like she hates being a woman. No dress ever. Granny swimsuits. She wants to get a breast reduction.

We talked about this. She does not remember sexual abuse.


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## Thor

Correction: She _says_ she doesn't remember an abuse.

The whole issue of repressed and recovered memories is controversial. My take on it is that someone who was abused will always have at least some memories. At least they will if they were over about age 4, when they definitely have memories. If she were abused she would always have some kind of knowledge or at least a vague recollection of "odd" things. A trigger later in life can bring it flooding back, and then the forgotten memories can come back. Having a child can trigger the memories, for example.

Many women think they have it under control, and they cope somewhat ok while in their teens and twenties. Then for some reason the problems crop up.

A common scenario is the teen who is sexually normal or promiscuous. She seems fine sexually. But when married the sex problems become very strong. She has trouble with intimate sex with a close person. It is frightening. So there is another diagnostic. If she was sexually normal or more, and then after the wedding (or near the wedding) she turned off the sex or turned off the wilder sex, it could be an indicator.

The only abnormal thing to me when I dated my wife in college was she never wore a bikini at the beach. 

If your wife really does not have any memories of sexual abuse may not have been. There may have been physical violence abuse or verbal/emotional abuse. I know nothing about those topics.

The granny bathing suit is pretty diagnostic to me of some kind of childhood sex abuse of some sort. It doesn't have to be touching, it could be related to nudity.

Ultimately it does not matter to you or your marriage. I don't mean that in a cold way, just that it is not your concern until she is willing to deal with it. The most you can do is require she bring to the relationship whatever you need. If she is unable or unwilling, the root cause is irrelevant.

Even if you ask her point blank about abuse, she may deny it. My wife did so 3 separate times. Now she says she has always remembered everything, and has always known. She lied to protect me.


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## CrazyGuy

Thor

Sex was like a switch after marriage. I asked many times, it makes her angry. How did you finally get your wife to open up?


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## Thor

CrazyGuy said:


> Thor
> 
> Sex was like a switch after marriage. I asked many times, it makes her angry. How did you finally get your wife to open up?


OMG. :cussing: (not directed at you)

My wife came forward last July for the first time ever divulging that she had been molested as a young child. She told me nothing about the actual abuse, and only a couple of associated things. She told me a few of her latent issues and triggers.

There had been red flags for the previous 2+ years of her being in an affair. Divorce had been off the table for me and I was staying for the kids for the few previous years. But in July I reached the breaking point with a couple of closely spaced suspicious events.

I approached her with the talk of wanting to fix the marriage but it was broken too badly to do it ourselves. I wanted us to go to marriage therapy. She refused twice. My unspoken line in the sand was she go to therapy or I pulled the plug. Then she told me of the abuse. I twice again suggested therapy for us and she again refused.

So the way to bring it out of her was she, I believe, felt so desperate to deflect from the call for therapy that she had to pull out the only thing she could think of, which was the abuse. A sympathy play? A desperate attempt to forestall divorce? An attempt to deflect suspicions from an affair? Guilt? I don't know.

She has never opened up about it from there. She has made it a divorce level boundary that we never speak of it again after I brought it up in a marriage therapy session (with her prior approval).

The longer an abuse victim suppresses it, the harder it is for them to talk about it to anybody or for them to face it in therapy. We've been married 29+ years. She's kept it secret for over 40 years.

If you're asking how I got her to come out sexually, the answer is she hasn't.


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## Thor

I'm going to go further out on the limb here and suggest that her abuse is likely the root of her issues you see in your marriage. The light switch on sex is classic, btw. If she was abused by a family member, you as boyfriend just crossed over into the "family" category when you got married. So now you trigger her on the abuse every time you want sex!

Even if it wasn't a family member, there is a black and white difference in many abuse victim's minds between marriage sex and other sex. You as husband are very important to her, so she is terrified of your rejection. Sex is maybe seen as controlled by the husband, or at least the husband is dominant in sex. So it scares the bejebus out of her. Lots of other potential factors, too.

Sex in a non-marriage situation can put her in charge. So she is quite relaxed and capable of having sex before marriage or outside of the marriage. Abuse victims can be quite active and promiscuous before marriage and then become quite emotionally incapable of having sex with their husband after the wedding.

There are a lot of psych factors. Shame, fear, dissociation. She has trouble with a close emotional connection. She has low self esteem. She cannot accept gifts or compliments gracefully (she seems embarrassed by them). She cannot accept blame for any relationship or sex problems. That's a biggie. Huge. She may blameshift onto you because of the terror it strikes in her if she somehow is to blame for those problems.

Now you of course have been imperfect in your marriage. You own 50% of the blame. You can work on that. Your wife has to see and own her half. If her half is heavily caused by abuse, she will have to tackle the abuse head on with good therapy. It will be tough on her and tough on you.

Absent good therapy she isn't going to really change. You can't make her go to therapy. Ironically you cannot pressure her either. It will be counterproductive. If she needed some other kind of professional help, like a medical procedure, you could pressure her. But not for abuse. You can calmly ask her to think about it and state that you will support her in any way you can. You can express your love and concern, and your desire for her to be happy.

Aftersilence dot org has a good support forum for secondary survivors (loved ones of abuse/assault victims). You might wander in over there. There are some books, but the only one directed specifically at secondaries is "Haunted Marriage". It will help you understand her and what you are facing with her.

I hope there is no sexual abuse in her past. I hope my interweb diagnosis is wrong. Use your own judgment on whether she may be a victim and how to proceed.


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## CrazyGuy

Things are going well now. I have been here before. It will only last a week. Then it will be the same old. We have to get to the route of the problem. I think she gets nice to me so I think marriage counseling is not needed. But I am forcing the issue. Not stopping it like I did 6 years ago.

All this crap in my marriage has taken a toll on me. I thought she may have cheated. I was thinking about getting my son tested to make sure he is mine. The constant what the hell going on will do that to you. There was a point were I realized how much I hated myself for what I became. Thoughts of cheating and what not. 

Stay the course for now. Perhaps divorce will be the only way she will face what needs done. Not where I want to go but this is so dysfunctional for me and my son.

Thanks


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## Thor

CrazyGuy, you are not alone! I have personally talked to a number of men, and have had internet conversations with many other men and some women, who have gone through exactly what you describe.

It doesn't help you solve your issues, but at least you can know you aren't crazy.


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