# Useful Threads and Resources on TAM and the Web



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Sometimes I have trouble finding my favourite links so I thought I'd include some of them here for myself and for other people. By no means is this a comprehensive list. Here are some of the things that I found helpful on TAM and elsewhere on the web after my DDay as they were informative, educational or just cathartic. 

*INFORMATION FOR CWI BEGINNERS​*
The infamous Newbie Thread - READ THIS ONE *FIRST*. That’s an order! I still don't understand why it hasn't been stickied! It is quite possibly the most important thread in CWI. Some of the most useful posts on CWI are found here and it contains other “must-know” information such as abbreviations and affair concepts.

Hey You... Yeah You... - An introductory post to newcomers by a well-respected but now banned member, Someday Dig.

Guide to confronting a wayward spouse  – Steps to consider BEFORE confronting your wayward 

Just Let Them Go – What it means to detach and why it’s important.

The 180 List – The famous “180 Plan” by Michelle Weiner-Davis. How to detach from your spouse, pick yourself off of the floor, protect yourself so you can begin to heal.

*UNDERSTANDING YOUR WAYWARD SPOUSE​*
The Wayward Spouse's Fog - The mysterious “fog”. What they are thinking, why are they behaving this way? 

The Cheater's Script – Waywards say and do the same things to justify, minimize, deflect blame and hide their affairs while the affair is in progress. That is why we call it “the script”. 

A Thread For Wayward/Wandering/Disloyal Spouses – Possible TRIGGER WARNING. Do not post here if you can’t respect the rules of the thread. Still, it can be enlightening to read the wayward spouse’s perspective during affairs, during recovery and after.

*UNDERSTANDING YOUR BETRAYED SPOUSE​*
Understanding the Pain - This is a useful read for both betrayed and wayward spouses. Why is infidelity so painful? What does betrayal feel like and making sense of it all. 

Things Wayward Spouses do Wrong (and what you can do instead). - Mistakes made by wayward spouses and what they can do differently when working on affair recovery.

Post Infidelity Stress Disorder - Being betrayed can and often does cause symptoms similar to PTSD.

You're Sorry? - A beautifully written rant but cathartic to read and possibly insightful for waywards to read. Puts into words how meaningless those words feel after a monumental betrayal.

Joseph's Letter - A letter by a betrayed husband to his wife detailing it's so important to know the truth and why BS's ask the same questions over and over again.

*AFFAIRS AND FORGIVENESS​*
BS Fog: Regrets with How You Handled the A[ffair] – Rookie mistakes made by betrayed spouses after discovering the affair. 

The Difference Between Guilt and Remorse – Is it true remorse or just guilt? How to tell the difference.

A Thought About Forgiveness – Included in a thread entitled, “Forever Wearing the Scarlett Letter”. Poignant post about what forgiveness means to one poster.

Forgiveness  – A beautiful but painful post about forgiveness in the perspective of one TAM member.


*FREE EBOOKS WIKI’s AND PDFS​*

How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful, Linda J. MacDonald, PDF This book is available in hard copy; the link is included in Book Suggestions.

Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A Quick Reference 
Manual for Unfaithful Partners, PDF 

How to Rebuild Your Spouse's Trust After an Affair (wiki)

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When One Person Has been Unfaithful, Janis and Michael Spring, PDF This book is available in hard copy; the link is included in Book Suggestions.


*BOOK SUGGESTIONS TO BUY OR BORROW FROM THE LIBRARY​*
These are some of the books that members repeatedly recommend to those new to TAM’s CWI section.

1.	Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, Shirley Glass

2.	Surviving an Affair, Willard F. Jr. Harley and Jennifer Harley Chalmers

3.	Divorce Busting, Michellle Weiner-Davis

4.	Love Busters, Willard Harley

5.	His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, Willard Harley

6.	Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder: The Six Stages of Healing, Dennis C. Ortman

7.	How to Help Your Partner Heal from an Affair, Linda J. MacDonald

8.	After the Affair, Janis A. Spring

9.	Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart, Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Donald H. Baucom PhD, and Kristina Coop Gordon PhD 

10.	I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship: Mira Kirshenbaum: 9780425245316: Amazon.com: Books, Mira Kirshenbaum


Any suggestions for things I didn't add (this is not a comprehensive index) are welcome. I'd be glad to include the link here if it could help someone.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Great idea here, Miss Taken. I'd add the "Letter from Joseph" that often gets copied here, from the BS explaining to the WS why full disclosure is needed for healing (link is from another source, if that's OK with mods)>

Joseph's Letter


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Joseph's letter added to original post. Thanks Philat.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Taken - Nice one, good idea

This is what should be the sticky !

:smthumbup:


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Thanks Headspin.

Updated 01/04/2014 to add post by Someday Dig.


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