# Not sure where to go from here



## findingmywayinva (Mar 26, 2014)

My wife and I are in rough part of our 15 year marriage. Everything has been good up until last month. I had a trip where I was going for a week. At the end of the trip I was checking my text message limit and noticed that my wifes amount of text were very high and it was to our friend's phone. I got home and checked her phone and saw that she was texting our friend but there wasn't enough texts in the history to account for all the texting. 

I confronted her and she at first said they were about a project he was helping with and then I ask if she deleted any she admitted she did. She did because they would upset me if taken out of context. I ask if they were flirty and she said nothing more than we've all flirted while hangin out. She said she'd stop. A week goes by and we talked about it several times because it really bothered me. I got very insecure and logged in to her facebook account and saw the message thread. It wasn't good. She said she knows she leave him and alone but doesn't want to. Then realized I was watching. We fought and she was upset that I babying her and watching her. That she doesn't control in her life. And while the messages were bad, she was doing it as a game. Sort of who has the last say... She said she would stop but she wanted to tell him because she resent me if I said they had to stop. 

We talked about it several times and comminucation has been better. I didn't seen any FB messages between them but I can see when they are both active or not. And when she goes active, within a minute he does and vice versa. She chalks it up to bad timing. I got pissed tonight and looked in her history, while I can't see the messages I can see that she has gone to his message section on FB a few times today... If I confront her she will say I am paranoid and the messages mean nothing to her. 

If they nothing, wouldn't it be easy to stop it? Is it still a control thing or is it something more. I want her to have her freedom, privacy, etc. But I want to be secure in marriage and I am not. It makes me scared and then I want to see what she is doing. This nasty loop that I want to stop. I love her and want our marriage to continue. During this whole time I still don't think there is anything physical between them. Is she playing me?

I don't know where to go. 

Thanks.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Hello, findingmywayinva

What does he say about it?

Better yet, what does his wife say about it?

Where are you boundaries? You're afraid this may end your marriage. You're right, it will. Why are you more afraid to tell her you won't share her with another man? Is it because you think that boundary will end your marriage? Guess which one will end your marriage first? 

They're addicted to each other's attention. That's why she won't stop. Here this should explain it...Anatomy of an Affair - The Chemistry of Love 

Others will be along with instructions that you can take against the affair. You only have to be committed enough to enact them. 

You could post in the infidelity area, to get advice from those who have been in your shoes. 

You should get and read this book ASAP...Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Ughhh. Sorry man. You should ask to get this moved to coping with infidelity section. It doesn't look good I'm afraid.


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