# wife crazy about someomne else



## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine. 

Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and told her may be then she should do it. 

Thereafter a few days later I asked her if there was anyone in mind though she initially refused to say later said that a few years back that she had a dream of having sex with this guy that is a family friend who we meet once in two months max in an official capacity(and I have not met him recently). And since then she wanted to have sex with him. Being low on confidence I agree that she could if she wanted to hoping that she will realize that it is wrong and bail out. I wanted her to tell me everything though and todate except for a few details she has kept her word. But thing have escalated now and I realize from her actions and considering our relationship that she is sought of having an emotional affair and that she cannot stop thinking about him. 

They had met once(she had initiated the meeting) and he had made a move and since then she just cannot stop thinking about him though he does not make the first move now she calls him and meets him they had kissed and done stuff etc not sex(once)... In the beginning she wanted us to work at our relationship but this has taken a back seat she went for counseling and was advised to concentrate on the marriage but looking at her actions it seems to me that she would rather be with him she says she does not want to leave me(and I feel that she wants to forget him) but she also wants him. I feel used and manipulated but I have two kids 6 and 4 and do not want them to have a broken family but how long can I tolerate this? 

I love her and don't hate her feel that I am also responsible for her to feel this way but I am in pain...the only thing that is stopping her from having sex with him is that he is not contacting her and waits for her to contact him to which she wants to but some how is not progressing as she would like. what should I do, I want to save the marriage if I can  but then I will have to be ok with her affair .. or leave her making my kids miserable, it seems it is a no win situation.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

on the edge said:


> I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine.
> 
> Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and told her may be then she should do it.
> 
> ...


Pardon me, is this for real? You gave your wife permission to have sex with another man?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

She told you things were stale in the bedroom and SHE suggests sleeping with other people to fix it?

Then you agreed and you're wondering how to fix it?

I'm sorry you're in this mess but it seems like if you had told her to kick rocks when she suggested cheating on you, she never would have fallen for this guy.

The other guys will give you better advice than me no doubt, but I would tell her to leave and go find that guy, while I try to find a kind a faithfull wife.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

aug said:


> Pardon me, is this for real? You gave your wife permission to have sex with another man?




unfortunately it a real life situation ...I know it is like the movies and I am in a real life horror movie...

If I did so I did it not with approval. rather feeling bad that she said that she is not happy with me and it was killing our relationship and in order make things right in our marriage I know it sounds stupid now but It took me a while to realize that maybe I was not to blame(at least for all) for the problems if any that was there in our relationship. At that I time when she told me that she was not happy I thought damn what did I do wrong etc and put the blame on me..


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

on the edge said:


> I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine.
> 
> Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and *told her may be then she should do it.*
> 
> Thereafter a few days later I asked her if there was anyone in mind though she initially refused to say later said that a few years back that she had a dream of having sex with this guy that is a family friend who we meet once in two months max in an official capacity(and I have not met him recently). And since then *she wanted to have sex with him. Being low on confidence I agree that she could if she wanted to *hoping that she will realize that it is wrong and bail out. I wanted her to tell me everything though and todate except for a few details she has kept her word. But thing have escalated now and I realize from her actions and considering our relationship that she is sought of having an emotional affair and that she cannot stop thinking about him.


I agree with aug. She bullied you into allowing her to have sex with other men and you're hoping she'll see that it's wrong? 










And you're wondering why you're in pain? The crazy things some husbands will agree to to save their children. Your children will not be saved by allowing her to have sex with other men.

Man the hell up now. Demand that she stop this crap or GTFO the house.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Holy crap, dude! Are you serious?

You let your wife break down your boundary and made you think this was going to fix your marriage? You just gave your wife the green light to have an affair, and she's deep into it now.

I too would have told her to hit the curb if that's the route she wanted to take.

Well, there's only three options now.

1. You have an open marriage.
2. You tell your wife that your still not keen on the idea, but since she is pursuing her dream of an affair, then you get to also. Then leave the house several times a week, indicating you have a date. Chances are, what she really meant was that she wanted to have an affair, but not you. Once she realizes you mean business, she may have a change of heart because the reality of the situation will smack her upside the head like a brick. I've seen this scenario play out several times on this forum.
3. Probably the best route...tell her you reconsidered, and you have no desire to live in an open marriage. Tell her it's time to divorce. One of two things will happen. You get divorced. Or two, the reality brick will smack her in the head again. Both are really win win situations. Better than being a cuckold.

Next time, get your wife off the pedestal you built for her. She's just a person, like any other person. Stop thinking that you need to agree with everything she says, because your a Nice Guy, and by being nice she will just have to realize how special you are. This never works. I've been there.

Be a man. A man with boundaries and a man that isn't afraid to reinforce them. A man that isn't afraid of his woman. And doesn't fear losing her if she has no respect for your boundaries, as long as you respect hers.

Go over to the Men's clubhouse here. Lots of advice on boundaries there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

And read the Nice Guy sticky in the men forum. Maybe you will find a bit of you there and how to fix that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Holy crap, dude! Are you serious?
> 
> You let your wife break down your boundary and made you think this was going to fix your marriage? You just gave your wife the green light to have an affair, and she's deep into it now.
> 
> ...



Thanks there is some great advice from all... 

I think I missed that part she did say that I could see anyone I like to make it even to which I am not interested as I am committed to this....yes I get your point but don't think she will mind that.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Well, of course she will mind. They mostly always do.

You realize that she came up with this crazy idea because she wants to have sex with her friend. And with your green light, it's guilt free. However, she most certainly didn't think this through, at all. She is caught up in what we call the Fog. People in the fog get so caught up with the high of the affair, that they don't think straight. That affair high is caused by PEA chemicals in the brain, and they are highly addictive. And they make you think like a junkie. So...what she most likely wanted was to find a way to have sex with her friend, and came up with this crazy idea to suit HER needs. And her needs only. She probably hasn't even considered the situation from your perspective. The perspective in the pain she is causing you, or the reality of the situation of what she would feel like if YOU followed through with an open marriage. Why? Because its all about HER right now, and her judgement is severely diminished because of being in the fog. You would nt believe what comes out of a spouses mouth when they are in the fog. If it wasn't so painful, it would be hysterical.

So...I bet dollars for donuts she WILL mind. She just hasn't considered the impact to her beyond getting what she wants out of the deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

Another reason I was considerate in the beginning was that I wanted to see what her relationship was with this guy whether it was already physical etc and I was also worried that by forcing her to ditch him she will cheat on me and that I will not know about it(this is still a worry for me) but from conversations with her it occurred to me that nothing has happened yet till she told me except for flirting etc.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey edge---ALL mge's, have problems, 7 to 10 yrs in, the starry eyed lovers are gone, the same old, same old---boring has kicked in

Your sex life was good enuff for her in the beginning, why not now---CUZ SHE IS BORED AND WANTS A CHANGE, and see's this kind of crap everywhere, about "doing" others---to get that hot feeling back---its on TV, in the movies, in books, her friends probably talk about it---its all over the internet---BEING MARRIED IS NOT EASY-----but------

True partners---get thru it, w/out going outside the mge.

The question now is what do you want-----

Your wife sure as he*l does not wanna leave the mge., and will tell you anything/everything to keep you satisfied---YOU ARE HER BANK

She DOES NOT wanna face the big bad world as a single divorced mother of kids, with an adultery label---plus she would have a less than good financial situation---and most of the guys out there are NOT mge., material------so believe me she DOES NOT WANNA LEAVE THE MGE

You have the power use it---enuff of this crap------just tell her very quietly, icily, calmly---this crap with the other guy ends YESTERDAY---she goes NC, and she goes back to being a mother, and wife---that is if you still even want her

She does not get a choice, she does not get to discuss, argue or anything---SHE COMPLIES, or tell her to find an atty., to DEFEND your D. action.

No more mr nice--guy---no more lovey--dovey----she is either married to you, or she ain't

Tell her to decide---NOW------If she decides to stay, make her sign a POST--NUP, with a duress clause, and she begins right here and now---to do all the HEAVY LIFTING, to get back into the family.

Your wife doesn't wanna leave, and she probably doesn't even have that strong feelings about him---SHE IS OBSESSED WITH "f'ing" around, and wants sex with another man---just to pleasure herself

Put a stop to it now---You know what needs to be done, so do it.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

on the edge,

ignore jnj express's good advice at your peril. Either follow it, or live in an open marriage as a cuckold sharing your wife with other men. The choice is yours. No more Mr. Nice Guy.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

Thanks all, yesterday I got mad that she was pushing me to places that I was not comfortable with and I told her that I will leave her, that I have had enough of this crap and deserved better.....she had to go to work so she left and I had to go as well and when we came back in the evening after doing the kids home work etc I told her that I wanted to chat (in my mind I wanted to leave) but before I could say anything she said that she had got to think from a 3rd person point of view and realized that she had acted really strangely and feel bad the way she treated me and finally is able to see from out of the box.... and she promised not to go after HIM.. my concern was how to trust her she did tell me this once before but this time she was serious.. she told me that I can check everything phone records etc etc and that she will make it up to me for all the hurt caused.......

I did sought of said ok I will give it a try but if it does not work I will go... I also said that we should move to another place(house) as her father is next door and I do not like him interfering at times and I think that it affects us) she is not too keen on it but says that she will do it if really necessary may be telling her this at that point was a mistake but lets see how it goes.( I want to address any problems in our relationship that resulted in her doing what she did in order to make this work with us) figures crossed!!


She now seem like the same person I knew before the affair I hope that it is the case. However I do not feel too great inside guess that I am still doubtful whether she really wants this or just doing it for other reasons. 


Your comments enlightened me thank you...


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Welcome to the world of manning up. You just had your first taste.

Feel bad, but don't cave in. You need to reinforce your boundaries. The penalty being divorce. 

Know why we all don't go out robbing stores for money? Because the penalty is there, it's real, and it will be reinforced if you get caught.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Welcome to the world of manning up. You just had your first taste.
> 
> Feel bad, but don't cave in. You need to reinforce your boundaries. The penalty being divorce.
> 
> ...


Fully agree.
:iagree:


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You are doing fine---You just have to make sure you do not weaken

You have let her know you will not allow her to treat you with disdain, you have let her know, that you CAN move on WITHOUT her---and it has made an impact.

She still may be obsessing for her wish to "do" someone else, so just keep alert, till it all goes away, and she is back to where she was , earlier in the mge.

Most importantly, start communicating with her, everyday---DEMAND, some serious discussion time, and talk about everything, just as if there was a counselor in the room with you----Never let your mge., get into this situation again.

You now know what you need to do, to keep things on the right track, just make sure you do so.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Most importantly, start communicating with her, everyday---DEMAND, some serious discussion time, and talk about everything, just as if there was a counselor in the room with you----Never let your mge., get into this situation again.
> .


the funny thing is we were and are still very close spend like 20 hrs together for a day as we like work in the same place and had long chats discussed about everything but this she did not tell me until one day it came out from one of those long chats except she was in too deep by then... well I guess that nothing can be taken for granted in life


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Be aware that her affair is likely to go underground now. She'll rationalize you were sort-of-ok with this before so it's ain't a big deal now.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She could go underground. You need to get a keylogger for her computer. She was setting you up to be her cuckold. Be on your guard.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Please clarify something - they have been in a physical affair - yes?

This sounds much too easy. She cut you off for years, she has been sleeping with him, and you threaten to leave and she just ends it?

No way. No way this can be true. She is either stringing you on, or something else is going on. She just didn't roll over.

You are the 3rd person in an open marriage. She has shown no love or respect for you for how long? You're being set up.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Please clarify something - they have been in a physical affair - yes?
> 
> This sounds much too easy. She cut you off for years, she has been sleeping with him, and you threaten to leave and she just ends it?
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Yea - she's not having any withdrawal symptoms.... I think she's saying what you want to hear to placate you.

Trust - but in your case - verify the HELL out of her.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Please clarify something - they have been in a physical affair - yes?
> 
> .


not really it was an emotional affair for almost two years according to my wife they flirted etc they met at times with me around(they did not flirt when I was around) but that too very rarely once in 2 months did they meet, the whole thing exploded after she told me about it. they met a few times not in private and once they kissed etc no sex. the guy for some reason does not make any moves waits for her to call or go see him etc its weird.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

I agree about the fact that she stayed/ or gave up on the OM because she did not want a divorce want to lose me but I wonder whether is it worth for me to be in a marriage like that?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Maybe she gave up on the OM because he was not aggressive for her. It seems that you are now the door prize to her. You deserve better. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

on the edge said:


> I wonder whether is it worth for me to be in a marriage like that?


a very good question, one that only you can answer


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

on the edge said:


> they met a few times not in private and once they kissed etc no sex.


 And how do you know this? Because it's what SHE'S telling you? Dude, I'm gonna tell it to you straight...she's had sex with this guy.

She knows you and she probably can see that you're having a hard time with this. Therefore, she's going to tell you the bare minimum to make it look less than what it really is. She wants to continue to cake eat. She wants to continue to have the security of the husband and the family and continue to have her full blown affair while telling you little things that she knows you could handle...like it being nothing more than a little kissing and some petting, because if she told you that they screwed for hours and she had four orgasms...I don't think you could handle information like that.

Let me guess, she's been pushing you to go out an meet women and go on some dates.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Any woman that n love is gonna jump his bones. There is no way they met in private and just kissed. Common, none of us were born yesterday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

crossbar said:


> And how do you know this? Because it's what SHE'S telling you?



she has been telling me everything(as she thought I was ok with it) I thought it was the only way to get her to tell... she went to meet him after telling me(that was when I was thinking that it was ok because I was not good enough) she told me what happened all details she need not have to tell me all. She was excited by it and the next morning she wanted to meet him obviously for sex which never materialized as he was busy and then he went out of the country for some thing she would have otherwise but I was with her all the time and she had no opportunity, 

I was always alert throughout checked his whereabouts etc


I have access to her phone, email, skype facebook etc she is with me most of the time through the day and is almost impossible to have sex with this right now. if they did do it it was before I got to know about it.... anyway I am trying to fish out more details as this period is dangerous as I have strongly expressed my dissent towards it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

When a spouse says they are looking forward to sex with another person, they only reasonable response is to tell them you are looking forward to never speaking wth them again.

She has done a 180 on him for no reason, people only change when they have a reason. I still say you are being played.

Ok, she claims to be back (for now) so have her sigh a postnuptial and take a polygraph,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

on the edge said:


> She was excited by it and *the next morning she wanted to meet him obviously for sex* which never materialized as he was busy and then he went out of the country for some thing she would have otherwise but I was with her all the time and she had no opportunity


She was most likely excited to meet him for *more* sex the next morning. Why would you think that there would be an assumption on her behalf to have sex twelve hours after *not* having sex with him?


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I am extremely skeptical that an EA can last for years and not ever go physical.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

always_hopefull said:


> She was most likely excited to meet him for *more* sex the next morning. Why would you think that there would be an assumption on her behalf to have sex twelve hours after *not* having sex with him?


It is a possibility ......I will never know unless she says so...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What is your plan now?


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

snap said:


> I am extremely skeptical that an EA can last for years and not ever go physical.


same sentiments


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

Get her out of your life.
She is such a horrible person.
You will thank yourself for this decision.


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## Sindo (Oct 29, 2011)

Patricia B. Pina said:


> Get her out of your life.
> She is such a horrible person.
> You will thank yourself for this decision.


To be fair, he not only gave her permission, but acted like he was okay with it. Normally I'd say that there is no excuse to cheat, but this muddies the waters


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## Onedery (Sep 22, 2011)

on the edge said:


> I have been married for ten years in my mid 30's and of late (few years back) my wife lost interested in sex and I did ask her if everything was ok(especially with sex) and she said it was fine.
> 
> Recently when i asked while we were having a chat on our relationship and how it was etc, she said that she is not attracted to me sexually and the sex was bad etc and suggested that maybe we need to sleep with others to find the magic which she says we have lost. I was hurt and also guilty for not making her happy and told her may be then she should do it.
> 
> ...


Dude, I never knew there were guys like you who marry a woman, provide her with children and financial support and
spend ALL of there time trying to make sure SHE is happy with the relationship.
My cheating ex wife seemed to believe most men were like this, but not to the point of coming to me before deciding to cheat on me and have TWO different guy's kids and pass them off as mine.
My advice is to take any resources you were thinking of wasting on MC and hire a good lawyer and dump her sorry azz.
If you wish to make things good for your (?) two kids, just make sure you provide for them financially and give them some QUALITY TIME so they will know that you loved them both before and after the divorce.
You can also hope that your ex acquire some sort of terminal VD and you can end up being your children sole guardian.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

I seriously doubt her 2 yr EA was indeed just EA. Because you gave her the permission to sleep with him, she is using it as though this is how she started the path of PA. So, in her claimed version, she only kissed him the first time after your permission, and she planned to have a full sex the second time, which is all supposedly validated by your permission.

Don't believe her!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

snap said:


> I am extremely skeptical that an EA can last for years and not ever go physical.


Looks like TT to me. EAs almost always go PA, especially when they have the opportunity to.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

hello everyone thanks for all your advice, I gave my wife a chance to rebuild and so far it is working ok. There are bumps here and there with me trying to be normal again. Keeping my fingers crossed......


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

***shakes head***
If you're not verifying NC with keyloggers and VARs, and you're merely taking her word for it and looking at her KNOWN accounts, then this has Trickle Truth, Rug Sweeping, and False R written all over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree: But hey, hi anyways!.


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> ***shakes head***
> If you're not verifying NC with keyloggers and VARs, and you're merely taking her word for it and looking at her KNOWN accounts, then this has Trickle Truth, Rug Sweeping, and False R written all over it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am keeping an eye on things....not taking her word


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

on the edge said:


> I am keeping an eye on things....not taking her word


You give very little detail there. Do you have keyloggers to detect any possible secret email/social networking accounts? How about VARs to detect any secret cell phones? Is OM married or have a GF? Have you exposed the A to the OMW? What has your FIL said? Did you expose it to them?


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

These gullible Beta-Cucks always get hosed badly!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

:redcard:

Ummmm. No.

Yes, I read this and did vomit a little. But No.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I don't understand the "men" who give "permission" for their wives to get ****ed by some scumbag. Seriously what's wrong with you?


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

Complexity said:


> I don't understand the "men" who give "permission" for their wives to get ****ed by some scumbag. Seriously what's wrong with you?


yes it was stupid of me but it also helped me to find out about the extent of the affair and about the OM but I do regret it big time


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## on the edge (Nov 21, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> You give very little detail there. Do you have keyloggers to detect any possible secret email/social networking accounts? How about VARs to detect any secret cell phones? Is OM married or have a GF? Have you exposed the A to the OMW? What has your FIL said? Did you expose it to them?


no exposure but rest of it yes I know it may sound like I am not taking enough precautions but I am and have other sources to monitor her movements. reason for non exposure: I know them well and there will be no benefit for me they would take her/his side anyways if she fails again I am gone.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> If I did so I did it not with approval. rather feeling bad that she said that she is not happy with me and it was killing our relationship and* in order make things right in our marriage *I know it sounds stupid now but It took me a while to realize that maybe I was not to blame(at least for all) for the problems if any that was there in our relationship. At that I time when she told me that she was not happy I thought damn what did I do wrong etc and put the blame on me..


It never ceases to amaze me the foolishness some people are capable of... I mean... SERIOUSLY, dude?

How is her [email protected]#$ing someone else gonna save your marriage? Especially someone in such close proximity to you- a family friend.

Congratulations... you are now officially a cuckold.

You're in a DEEP hole.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

on the edge said:


> yes it was stupid of me but it also helped me to find out about the extent of the affair and about the OM but I do regret it big time


You do know she has zero respect for you now? you're officially a cuckold to her.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

That's not love, that's just fear of losing someone you loved. You're still holding on to the idea of that perfect woman you met sooooo long ago.

My friend, she's long gone and it's time for you to move on also.


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## ducksauce (Nov 24, 2011)

man you're crazy for even letting her sleep with the guy. Horrible decision. It might have made your marriage worse. I was stunned after reading the first post.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OK, so you know there are lots of other alternatives a woman can do when their sex drive slows down and boredom sets in? Like, they can go to the doctor and get their hormones and thyroid checked, they can watch movies about couples' sex (there is some institute that has a good set of DVD'S out on married sex, forget which). She can suggest a vacation, they can take up, say Argentine Tango. Having sex with some other guy I think would be like last on the list, after divorce. Maybe she could sit around and think about sex with the other guy, but that should be kept private. And she should understand that it is just a fantasy, so like, the guy should be a stranger, not someone she actually knows. And she should switch it up, to make sure she doesn't get obsessed about any one guy. There is this thing that all adults female and male are capable of and vowed to protect in a marriage, and that is personal responsibility for the Mojo factor. Not saying to your partner, oh, gee, I just need someone else cause you're not flippin my switch these days. WTF? I'm a female, my H was abusive to me, I had every reason to cheat and my mind set was never that way. Plus, your wife is using this guy. Exposing him to adultery, and how does he know you're not someone who is going to go psycho and trash him or his property or whatever? Your wife is nuts. What she is doing is hurting everyone. She's irresponsible and she only wants to share the guilt for what she's doing with you. Over and above that I think your explanation, if that is how she put it to you, indicates abuse. 

How does she treat you otherwise? Are you SURE of your answer?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

When my marriage collapsed, I got back in touch with someone I had dated before marriage. It turned out that he was nursing his own separation before the big D.

Some people might have framed him as a catch......he was an undersecretary for one of the US departments.....among other things......

I think when i was dating him before him before he hit the big time as outlined above, I may have been too deferential to him......my having grown up in a household where both parents believed that men held all the power in a relationship....

He did tell me that he allowed his (estranged) wife to have an 8 month separation so that she could make a decision between him and her lover.......(his marriage only lasted 5 years)

Quite honestly, I can't imagine having the balls to do that unless I really didn't care about my husband in the first place.....(or maybe he was showing signs of having his own thing on the side)


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