# Do you like compliments from other men?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Ladies, do you like compliments from men other than your husband or significant other, or does it seem weird? To be clear, I'm talking about benign compliments meant to be non-flirty, perhaps from a co-worker.

Let's say you change your hair, get new glasses, or wear a new outfit to work. If a man says something like, "Oh, I like your outfit, it looks really nice." Do you like that or should he keep it to himself?

I was standing by a woman at work a while back, and a guy at work simply told her that her hair looked nice. I was standing there, and I thought nothing of it, but when he walked on, she rolled her eyes and said, "I just think it's kinda creepy when other men give me compliments." I assume she meant other than her husband.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

We have a friend who does this. His wife rolls her eyes but we think it's odd. He'll tell a waitress that she has the most beautiful skin or eyes or hair. Being our background, no we don't do this. I would be livid if hubby did this. 
The best compliment I received was from a couple. They came up to me together and said I was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen. Guys alone- I would think I was being hit in. From females- admiring each other's clothes, looks, hair - that is something different.


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Put me down as another woman irritated by men commenting on my appearance. Compliments on my job performance are great, but any mentions of my appearance just come across as creepy or condescending. I mean I'm not going to run to hr to complain about it, but it definitely puts people on my avoid list.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I am glad I do not work with any of you. If people work together for a while and know each other, giving a nonsexual compliment on what the person has changed is considered by me to be normal work talk. Saying "I see you have a different hair style. It looks good." is acceptable if it is a true compliment and offered sparingly. " I like your breast augmentation surgery" - Not very acceptable. 

Guys probably already know to avoid YOU, so they will not offer the compliment.

BTW, GF I like your avatar. Add me to your avoid list. :wink2:


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Sure why not? God forbid people are nice to each other.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

At least men are honest when they compliment. 

Women usually give me or other girls back handed ones. 

Like if I'm having a bad hair day a woman will go "oh your hair looks lovely like that! You should keep it styled that way now!" 

Or if I've put on a few pounds in the winter, I look great & when I'm at the gym or hiking I apparently look like I have anorexia! 







Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I appreciate sincere compliments from people, male or female. That is, unless they're inappropriately personal, over the top, backhanded, or accompanied by either leering or a presumption that I then owe the compliment giver my time or some response other than a brief "thank you". 

"Hey, Rowan, I love your new haircut!" is just fine coming from a guy I know casually as we pass in the hall at work. 

"Mmm, you smell good!" is creepy as all hell from some random dude on an elevator.

"You have beautiful skin." followed by "Thanks? Is that all you have to say? Too stuck up to talk to me, huh?" from a man I don't know is also not ever okay.


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

There is a line between people that can determine if you can make a compliment like that and be ok or not. That line is very thick and very blurry, so, unless you know you are on the other side of it, then no, you shouldn't.

Examples: 

You are friendly outside of work, maybe family get togethers or stuff of that nature. It's ok.

You sit next to the other person, never talk to them but sometimes peer into their cube to see what they are doing. Not ok.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I appreciate a friendly  and personality.. there are far too many grumpy cold people who do nothing more than put others down, that is never much of a delight to be around.. 

Getting back into the work force.. I notice all the different personalities , some I love.. some I want to just stay clear of those attitudes.. 

There is always a line that will give a "pause" to some of us ladies when we don't know someone.. it's best to just look and not speak -as the woman can surely get the wrong idea or feel she is being hit on..

When you know someone personally.. a co-worker & such...IF you know them, their character, maybe you even know their husband or wife/ their kids...what is so wrong with a compliment once in a while.. I guess it depends on the compliment though.. we all like to evaluate words & what one MIGHT be thinking.. like "hmmm"...

I am all for being REAL with people.. if you think it, and it's encouraging.. why not say it...unless it is revealing some sort of *inner crush* that you should keep to yourself.. hold that line.. cause if you don't do this.. yes.. it will give "vibes" and could stir the pot if the other person has a thing for you too, add some relationship troubles at home.. it all starts somewhere.. 

I've had just as many compliments from Women as I have men out & about.. rarely do I feel they are crossing that line.. I appreciate them.. as a woman who doesn't like getting older, wrinkles & what comes with age.... I like to LOOK YOUNG, vibrant.. I want to know I still have it going on.. most of the compliments are in the way of ...." you can't have that many kids! or you don't look your age at all".. sort of thing.. of course I love hearing that ! ... 

Wouldn't anyone? I also LIKE to give compliments.. I do it more so on work ethic or appreciating someone's personality over looks though.. 

Though our oldest son had a room mate downing his body (yrs ago now).. he wanted to get all beefed up .. and with my husband by my side.. I complimented him -how he was just fine..can't remember what all I said..... then downing the beefy men.. (I guess I am just weird) but I thought he was being too hard on himself...

Did he think "OMG my room-mates Mom is hitting on me!".. I suppose the thought could have entered his mind.. 

Though if it did, it would have slipped right back out.. because he KNEW Us.. he knew our whole family.. from our coming over there.. spending time.. 

But yeah...it can be a gray area.. it depends on how well you know someone.. also being careful to understand some personalities may take it the wrong way.. more introverted personalities likely.. (that guy was in communications, when we'd come over...we'd always have lively discussions , laughing loudly, telling stories...he was used to my open-ness)... but let's say we didn't know each other like that.. No. I would have held that back.. even if I thought ..."is he crazy.. he is just fiinnneee"...


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am all for being REAL with people.. if you think it, and it's encouraging.. why not say it..


That's the perfect way to describe it, something meant to be "encouraging."


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm fine with it.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

+1 for don't mind compliments from other men with the caveat that it's done in a friendly manner.


----------



## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

As long as the compliment isn't flirty or condescending that would make anyone feel uncomfortable it's ok. If it's the sort of thing the male wouldn't say in front of his own spouse or that of my own spouse he shouldn't be saying it. But a general 'nice new shoes' or the like, is fine


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Sure. I'll take a compliment from anything with a pulse these days.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Giro flee said:


> Put me down as another woman irritated by men commenting on my appearance. Compliments on my job performance are great, but any mentions of my appearance just come across as creepy or condescending. I mean I'm not going to run to hr to complain about it, but it definitely puts people on my avoid list.


Even, that's a nice dress? I complement men and woman all the time if I think they look nice.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

So today I am standing by the elevator waiting for it and a coworker walks by and says "You are getting skinny with all the weight you are losing". I smiled and thanked her for the compliment. She was not hitting on me. She was being nice to a co-worker and offering encouragement. I did not roll my eyes. (I have to admit, I did not know her name but I am bad at knowing women's names unless I am attracted to them or work directly with them.)


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> So today I am standing by the elevator waiting for it and a coworker walks by and says "You are getting skinny with all the weight you are losing". I smiled and thanked her for the compliment. She was not hitting on me. She was being nice to a co-worker and offering encouragement. I did not roll my eyes. (I have to admit, I did not know her name but I am bad at knowing women's names unless I am attracted to them or work directly with them.)


Really? :surprise: You mean you didn't think she was trying to have sex with you? /s


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Sure! Who doesn't like to be complimented?!

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

There is a big difference between a compliment and a creepy comment. To the men here having a go at some women's reaction to compliments, walk a mile, you don't know what she has been subjected to for years. I have had some very disgusting, explicit comments made under the guise of it being a compliment and then a little laugh at the end of the sentence, like I should think it is funny to be sexually harassed.

However true compliments I enjoy.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I for one have never understood being offended by what comes out of someone else's mouth.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

When I have seen some of the females that work with me dressed in other than work gear...My go to is either "You sure clean up nice" or "So that's what you look like not covered in dust".

Haven't had a complaint yet


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My wife enjoys them, but knows to keep them in context and in perspective, and to discern manipulative from honest. Really, who doesn't like to be sincerely appreciated for whatever valid reason? I like sincere compliments too.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

A definite grey area, the whole complimenting people thing.

I tend to avoid it, unless it's somebody I'm more than acquaintances with.

What compliments infer (even if 100% genuine) is that you're noticing somebody, or otherwise looking at them - which is okay, of course (hard not to look at people!) but at the same time, it's not always okay to _comment_, even if there's no ulterior motive.

The way I look at it, as a man, and as a MARRIED man at that, is that compliments of that kind are best saved for my wife, or in rare cases, a person who understands my compliment is intended genuinely, and not as something else.

Whether we agree or not, and I'm bound to receive from pushback from this, is that there is almost always a sexual overtone to complimenting someone of the opposite sex, whether we quite realize it or not.

People tend to not compliment people they find unattractive, so even when you say something innocuous, such as "You look nice in that", or "Your new hairstyle suits you" or even "You clean up nice", it infers even the smallest amount of attraction. It doesn't mean that if a woman compliments me on something, that I make the assumption she WANTS me, but it does imply that she does not find me unattractive, at the very least.

As somebody else said in this thread, compliments can take many other forms, other than being related to appearance. But those that are about one's looks, hairstyle, body, etc. most definitely have an inference, even a small one, about something else entirely.

There's nothing wrong with being nice, of course! But it's definitely about context, situation, and the person to whom your compliments are directed.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

alexm said:


> People tend to not compliment people they find unattractive, so even when you say something innocuous, such as "You look nice in that", or "Your new hairstyle suits you" or even "You clean up nice", it infers even the smallest amount of attraction. It doesn't mean that if a woman compliments me on something, that I make the assumption she WANTS me, but it does imply that she does not find me unattractive, at the very least.


 Here is where I am a little different than the norm.. I am more likely to compliment someone who is down on themselves -to boost a little confidence than stroke the ego of someone very self assured.. come on now.. Beautiful women KNOW they are HOT.. they are more likely to just give a dirty look to a guy who even bothers to compliment.. they're used to it. And if he's not good looking..shame shame on him.. CREEPO!

I have this neighbor.. she's a personal trainer, the stuff she puts on Facebook would cause a lot of thrills for men -in her tights , she even has 3 sons.. what a body.. We are friends.. I will tell her to her face.. she makes me sick, and we'll laugh about it... you know what I mean.. Perfect body.. perfect this, perfect that.. this woman doesn't need the praise.. Even though she IS amazing.. in many ways.. 

The other day in the car, this song came on the radio...  'You don't know you're beautiful"  I really LOVED the words to this song...as it's about a girl who is shy, a little insecure.. not stuck up at all...and this is what made her so beautiful.. some of the words..



> You're insecure,
> Don't know what for,
> You're turning heads when you walk through the door,
> Don't need make-up,
> ...


 Though the singer was clearly after her.. this is true..



alexm said:


> As somebody else said in this thread, compliments can take many other forms, other than being related to appearance. But those that are about one's looks, hairstyle, body, etc. most definitely have an inference, even a small one, about something else entirely.


 I work with the handicapped.. 95% of them are non verbal.. last week I was watching over this one new guy.. he was jamming to Little Wayne's music in his wheelchair.. it was quite the sight to see , trying to sing.. kinda amazed me.. then he looks over at me and says "You have nice hair" then said it again.. then he says "I like your shirt".. "I like your shirt"...

I think I got more WOWED over him saying this ..it was just so unexpected ...I heard later he can become violent, he's physically hurt a co-worker there. 



> There's nothing wrong with being nice, of course! But it's definitely about context, situation, and the person to whom your compliments are directed.


 You definitely offer some good points..


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Festivus said:


> I for one have never understood being offended by what comes out of someone else's mouth.


Not to derail the thread, but WTF? You serious Clark?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> Not to derail the thread, but WTF? You serious Clark?


Let me rephrase. I have never understood taking personal offense at what someone else says. I have certainly heard others say things that I find offensive, but that reflects on them, not me.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Here is where I am a little different than the norm.. I am more likely to compliment someone who is down on themselves -to boost a little confidence than stroke the ego of someone very self assured.. come on now.. Beautiful women KNOW they are HOT.. they are more likely to just give a dirty look to a guy who even bothers to compliment.. they're used to it. And if he's not good looking..shame shame on him.. CREEPO!
> 
> I have this neighbor.. she's a personal trainer, the stuff she puts on Facebook would cause a lot of thrills for men -in her tights , she even has 3 sons.. what a body.. We are friends.. I will tell her to her face.. she makes me sick, and we'll laugh about it... you know what I mean.. Perfect body.. perfect this, perfect that.. this woman doesn't need the praise.. Even though she IS amazing.. in many ways..
> 
> ...


And that's the interesting thing, I think. I'm much more attracted to the woman who doesn't think she's "all that". I don't want to say "girl next door type" because that's not it. The way you describe your neighbour - that's not my type, does little for me.

I'm a generally confident guy, but I identify myself as quite average in terms of looks, body, over all appearance, etc. I don't get a lot of compliments from women, but when I do, it kind of catches me off guard. The women I find attractive are usually as I described above, so I use my own mindset and frame of reference in regards to complimenting someone.

In other words, I've never actually felt the need to compliment somebody I don't know, or don't know well, if I don't find them at least semi-attractive, know what I mean?


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Festivus said:


> Let me rephrase. I have never understood taking personal offense at what someone else says. I have certainly heard others say things that I find offensive, but that reflects on them, not me.


Would you be pissed off if your wife or daughter were at the butt end of a so called compliment that was really sexual harassment?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I don't mind compliments from other men unless they're a bit creepy, that said being a heterosexual guy I have found it funny on the occasions it has happened.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> Would you be pissed off if your wife or daughter were at the butt end of a so called compliment that was really sexual harassment?


No, not particularly. 

The guy who has to take another man outside and beat him senseless because he made a pass or an inappropriate comment to "his woman" is a Neanderthal. 

'Sticks and stones' is very old and very good advice.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

​


Festivus said:


> Let me rephrase. * I have never understood taking personal offense at what someone else says. I have certainly heard others say things that I find offensive, but that reflects on them, not me.*


 I do agree .. it reflects more so on them. 

Me Personally.. I LOVE free expression.. if everyone was as quiet as the Introverts.. life would be awfully boring.. right... people wouldn't be attracted to forums.. debate..

But there is a balance in all things.. or should be.. those who NEVER ever get offended... do you have a pulse? I could give some racist examples (or sexually demeaning) you get the drift - I mean some people are obnoxiously rude.. look at Trump! How about 20 second clip *>*  Trump Accuses Larry King for Having Bad Breath Live on CNN...

Then on the other hand...those who are offended by every little thing.. that's another extreme ..I do not like to be around people like this.. I feel like I can't be myself, have to watch every word, how I joke... that's just not enjoyable at all.. 

I am surely somewhere near the middle bordering more so -as to NOT be offended (that this speaks more about the person speaking , their character)... as really.. I want people to BE who they are.. show their colors... so I know who to stay away from.. who actually appreciates me, likes me even...this is helpful in getting along socially !


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Festivus said:


> No, not particularly.
> 
> The guy who has to take another man outside and beat him senseless because he made a pass or an inappropriate comment to "his woman" is a Neanderthal.
> 
> '*Sticks and stones' is very old and very good advice*.


Will have to agree to disagree on that. Words can be very harmful and fortunately bullying is something that is being exposed as very detrimental and not to be tolerated. 

I don't need or want anyone to beat anyone on my behalf but I sure as hell expect my employer to be in my corner when a neanderthal makes sexually explicit comments and tries to disguise them as a compliment.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> Will have to agree to disagree on that. Words can be very harmful and fortunately bullying is something that is being exposed as very detrimental and not to be tolerated.


I won't defend bullying, but now we have college students who feel entitled to trigger free zones and suppression of speech on campus with which they don't agree. They're so sensitive they can't even be exposed to disagreeable notions any longer. 

We could all use a slightly thicker skin some times. In the context of this thread, why should anyone be offended by a sincere, non-sexual compliment, freely offered? Yet there they are, in black and white above me.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Festivus said:


> I won't defend bullying, but now we have college students who feel entitled to trigger free zones and suppression of speech on campus with which they don't agree. They're so sensitive they can't even be exposed to disagreeable notions any longer.
> 
> We could all use a slightly thicker skin some times. In the context of this thread, why should anyone be offended by a sincere, non-sexual compliment, freely offered? Yet there they are, in black and white above me.


I haven't seen anyone post that they are offended by sincere compliments.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> I haven't seen anyone post that they are offended by sincere compliments.


Post #3, just to name the first.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> I haven't seen anyone post that they are offended by sincere compliments.


Read post #3. She said any compliments on her appearance are creepy, or at least that is how I interpreted it. Maybe she was specific to only coworkers.

ETA: Posted too late, but Festivus is right.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *I haven't seen anyone post that they are offended by sincere compliments*.





Festivus said:


> *Post #3, just to name the first.*


This is the comment... 



Giro flee said:


> Put me down as another woman irritated by men commenting on my appearance. Compliments on my job performance are great, but any mentions of my appearance just come across as creepy or condescending. I mean I'm not going to run to hr to complain about it, but it definitely puts people on my avoid list.


I read this similar to you @ Festivus ...it sounds many things would irritate her ... a comment about job performance is acceptable...but outside of this... it's wrong.. the man is condescending even... over something that sounds very very minor (to me anyway)....then adding she'd avoid them to boot ! Kinda makes me feel bad for a guy attempting to be friendly to this one..


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Now watch her complain to HR that she was sexually harassed. Even if meant to be complimentary , not creepy or sexual, men cannot ever compliment a woman at work without it being taken the wrong way. Put the shoe on the other foot and if a woman compliments a man, nothing ever happens.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Festivus said:


> Post #3, just to name the first.


She said "comments" on her appearance. There may well be lines crossed with this but none of us were there except the author of the post


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Personal said:


> I don't mind compliments from other men unless they're a bit creepy, that said being a heterosexual guy I have found it funny on the occasions it has happened.


It was funny to my until the guy's boyfriend (the guy was my manager when I worked at a video store back in the day) kept calling the store to check up on me


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Separately, and along the lines of a few other comments here, I would never comment about a female's looks (no matter how sincere I am being) at work. The risk/reward is so heavily skewed on the risk side I wouldn't even chance it.


----------



## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I don't have a problem giving or receiving compliments. The context of the compliment is what can make it acceptable, creepy, or downright unacceptable. The way it is said, what is said, and the motive (if any) is what counts. I have found that a lot of women don't like compliments, or are not receptive of them, even by their SO, which I have trouble understanding at times. You can be receptive to a compliment if said the right way, and without any ulterior motive for said compliment. What's wrong with an innocent compliment? Sometimes people just read to much into them, in my opinion.

What about non-verbal compliments? Recently, I had a drop dead gorgeous woman around 30ish who caught my eye and smiled at me. I smiled back, went about my business, but every time I glanced at her she was looking at me with a smile. I may be married, but I'm not dead. I can still appreciate beauty.> That's one of those non-verbal compliments that can last, and helps you feel like you still have "it" as a man, albeit women may not feel that way. It was just an ego stroke, nothing else, and maybe some people need that once in a while. My gosh, it was just a look and a smile, nothing else. And, NO, my fly wasn't open!:grin2:


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Curious, let's say you get a compliment which is downright creepy. Is there not at least a part of you that feels good about it, b/c regardless of the intentions of the creep, there is something desirable they see in you? I mean, you could be like 90% disgusted, but 10% feeling good.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lol, here is an appropriate one for this thread >

View attachment 46409


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EllisRedding said:


> Curious, let's say you get a compliment which is downright creepy. Is there not at least a part of you that feels good about it, b/c regardless of the intentions of the creep, there is something desirable they see in you? I mean, you could be like 90% disgusted, but 10% feeling good.


I'll bite ....

Yes.. because logically speaking...if that overweight ******* with missing teeth (the creepy Grandpa) still found me "looking good" enough to comment...that means another man would too, preferably one my age ...and IF I was single... that would mean more options, not such a bad thing.. Men are, by nature, very visual creatures. 

Of course I am not single, not looking and husband is complimentary enough.. though I do wish he would raise his flirting bar a bit....I am far worse over him & that can be a lot of FUN!


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

jb02157 said:


> Put the shoe on the other foot and if a woman compliments a man, nothing ever happens.


Right, because women typically don't go to the lengths that men sometimes do in the first place. Men also feel this sense of entitlement that commenting on a woman's body or looks is supposed to be taken as a compliment, and if it's not, then they're a *****.

Women have a genuine reason to fear this type of thing, because it can and sometimes does result in things that women typically don't resort to with men.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

EllisRedding said:


> Lol, here is an appropriate one for this thread >
> 
> View attachment 46409


Yep, that! lol!

It's true though, this is how MOST of us men come across when we check out women. Most of us are not nearly as suave as we think we are!

And it's probably just as bad when we open our mouths, even for a genuine compliment. We think we sound nice and friendly, but we probably more often than not, come across as creepy dudes looking to score.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Curious, let's say you get a compliment which is downright creepy. Is there not at least a part of you that feels good about it, b/c regardless of the intentions of the creep, there is something desirable they see in you? I mean, you could be like 90% disgusted, but 10% feeling good.


Today at work:

"I came into day so i could see your beautiful face" not creepy at all, over stepped the line yes but not creepy. I don't get much from it except a fleeting diversion from work.

also go this one, "if you didn't have that cold I would ravage you" extremely creepy and no way in hell did I even get 1% feel good from that. It actually feel degrading to be spoken to like that.

Got home from work to this.....

"hello beautiful" that absolutely made me feel 100% good


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

When I read your Question @EllisRedding (post #43) .... I kinda over looked the "*DOWN RIGHT CREEPY*" part.. which is pretty significant.. 

I still had my head thinking on some of the earlier posts, the discussion, where some women are irritated with any comments about their looks...

Honestly.. I haven't had many downright creepy comments come at me.. might have to do with where I live, hang out.. we don't go to bars, or places of that nature....also the majority of the time my husband is by my side...or some kids.. so my perspective is kinda from a more innocent frame of reference.. 

Most comments I have had .. example.. in a department store.. trying on a coat.. a man may walk past & tell me it looks good .. I should buy it.. 

I haven't been creeped out enough to feel I was in any danger. I suppose other women have lots more examples of that over me.


----------



## Piper502 (Jun 2, 2016)

I have to be honest... I don't get many compliments from my H, I've been working out something fierce since the end of April. 

That being said last week a Detective I work with complimented me on my "assets".

It made me feel good. 

Is that wrong? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> Put the shoe on the other foot and if a woman compliments a man, nothing ever happens.


True, there is a difference. Even though we have a dress code at my work, we don't necessarily dress to the nines everyday; however, there are events when we do, and i always know comments are going to be made to the guys from the women, but it's all in fun.

I even had a woman look at me once and say, "Whew, what are you doing after this is over tonight?" I responded with, "Oh, I thought I was leaving with you." It was all in fun. We had a quick chuckle and never addressed it again. 

I felt fine in commenting after she started it, but I would never have said what she said to me first for fear of sounding creepy.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

southbound said:


> True, there is a difference. Even though we have a dress code at my work, we don't necessarily dress to the nines everyday; however, there are events when we do, and i always know comments are going to be made to the guys from the women, but it's all in fun.
> 
> I even had a woman look at me once and say, "Whew, what are you doing after this is over tonight?" I responded with, "Oh, I thought I was leaving with you." It was all in fun. We had a quick chuckle and never addressed it again.
> 
> I felt fine in commenting after she started it, but I would never have said what she said to me first for fear of sounding creepy.


That's my point, it wouldn't have been creepy, but rather acceptable, if a woman said it to a man.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'm not married, but even in a relationship, I don't mind SINGLE men complimenting me. When a married guy goes out of his way to compliment me in a way that I can't help but wonder what his wife might think...that to me is cringe worthy, and I do mind those types of compliments. Not saying a married guy can't offer an innocent compliment, but it's in poor taste more often than not, IMO.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> That's my point, it wouldn't have been creepy, but rather acceptable, if a woman said it to a man.


It's weird how it works that way. I'm not complaining at all; I've never had a comment from a woman that scared me, but it is something I notice. 

A lady at work shared a story about her son getting fitted for a tuxedo for prom. She went with him to the store. I don't know specific details, put she said the lady who was working with him was running her hands in his pants around the waist and being all touchy-feely to the point it made him a bit uncomfortable, but they just had a big laugh about it later.

If a man were to do that with a female, however, he would probably be on the six o'clock news.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

southbound said:


> It's weird how it works that way. I'm not complaining at all; I've never had a comment from a woman that scared me, but it is something I notice.
> 
> A lady at work shared a story about her son getting fitted for a tuxedo for prom. She went with him to the store. I don't know specific details, put she said the lady who was working with him was running her hands in his pants around the waist and being all touchy-feely to the point it made him a bit uncomfortable, but they just had a big laugh about it later.
> 
> If a man were to do that with a female, however, he would probably be on the six o'clock news.


Funny you bring that up - my cousin was getting fitted for a suit for my wedding several years ago, and the woman (girl...) doing so was obviously interested in him. Myself and the other men there had a bit of a laugh over it, as she was paying WAY more attention to him than the rest of us.

Anyway, later that night, while out with the guys for drinks, my cousin tells us she straight up offered him a sexual favor while in the dressing rooms.

He's not immune to this sort of thing - he's a good looking, single guy and a charmer to boot - but he found it creepy and quite over-the-top. And this wasn't even related to what she offered him in the end. He was uncomfortable from the get-go with her, despite her being a fairly attractive girl. It just reeked of desperation, which turned him off completely - and this was before she even offered what she did.

TBH, we all kind of felt bad for her, throwing herself at him like that. But you're absolutely right - if the genders had been reversed, it's entirely possible management would have been spoken to that day. Imagine a male employee telling a woman in the dressing rooms of the store she was in that he'd like to... go down on her.

It's sad, but the main difference when the genders are reversed is safety. My cousin felt creeped out and uncomfortable with this girl, but never felt like he was in danger. And that's what we men have to be conscious of when we're saying or doing something that we otherwise think is innocuous. We only have ourselves, as men, to blame for this.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I like compliments! I don't get them often so it makes me feel good when I do. I don't recall ever being creeped out by anyone giving me a compliment. I do think that this world has become more PC lately, and because of that, you have to be especially careful in the workplace with compliments.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

southbound said:


> It's weird how it works that way. I'm not complaining at all; I've never had a comment from a woman that scared me, but it is something I notice.
> 
> A lady at work shared a story about her son getting fitted for a tuxedo for prom. She went with him to the store. I don't know specific details, put she said the lady who was working with him was running her hands in his pants around the waist and being all touchy-feely to the point it made him a bit uncomfortable, but they just had a big laugh about it later.
> 
> If a man were to do that with a female, however, he would probably be on the six o'clock news.


Exactly, If a guy did this he would have been fired, thrown in jail and probably unable to get a job ever again. If a woman does it, you just laugh it off.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

alexm said:


> It's sad, but the main difference when the genders are reversed is safety. My cousin felt creeped out and uncomfortable with this girl, but never felt like he was in danger. And that's what we men have to be conscious of when we're saying or doing something that we otherwise think is innocuous. We only have ourselves, as men, to blame for this.


I suppose that is the main difference that causes us to be able to act differently. I've sometimes said in a joking way that men don't really care what women do to them; if they don't like it, they just turn it down and go on, but I guess it's not always that easy for a woman.

I can't think of a common harassment situation that involved words where I would actually feel in danger or really even care. Heck, if I were cornered by three women in an elevator and they started unbuttoning my clothes, I'd just avoid the best way possible and exit when the door opened. I'd probably have a red face upon exit, but I'd probably have a big laugh with my friends about it later and suggest they take the stairs, and they would probably ask why i didn't get their numbers and want to know where the elevator was so they could use it. 

However, reverse that, and it's a totally different situation if a woman was on the receiving end.


----------



## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

I know this is aimed at ladies but i wanted to give some experience from a male perspective. 

I used to cycle to work and was in good shape (not in a US muscle sense, more a genuine sporting shape). From time to time I'd get compliments from females in my office as i walked out to the garage. 

These comments were strictly inappropriate, and i would NEVER have made equivalents to any female coworker. BUT I never took any of them as more than a pleasantry and I feel like it was the right way to take them. They saw something nice and commented without much filter. I can imagine it is quite different if inna vulnerable situation or if the comment is accompanied by unusual interest, but sometimes it is nice to interact positively with people!

Sent from my LG-H815 using Tapatalk


----------



## rileyawes (Jun 28, 2016)

I don't like compliments from other men, most of the time. I get enough from my husband, but honestly, I don't need or want compliments often. I will accept them and not mind, but I don't necessary like them. I find "I like your outfit" or "I like your hair" to be non-offensive, and if they're sincere, I don't mind, but I guess I feel neutral toward them. It's like someone saying "cirrhus are the most common high-altitude cloud" or "my cat's name is Mittens." It's kind of irrelevant to me. At a museum, a guy that I perceived as gay, said "I love your hair!" in passing, and it made me smile, partially because I hadn't heard anyone speak English for awhile, and partially because I thought he was staring for a bad reason at first, and partially because I felt it was completely non-sexual. 

I wasn't obligated to smile or say thank you (which I did) lest I be called "stuck up" or "ugly" or a "*****" which I've noticed are common responses if you ignore "compliments" shouted on the street. The only compliments I HATE come mostly from older men, in particular one friend of my husband, whom I tend to avoid. In my experience, they go too far. They don't just say one thing, they just keep going, and it's mostly physical. I almost barfed after the 12th time in a couple of hours this old creep complimented my dress and how "tall and lithe" it made me look, and how "slim" my ankles and wrists were. I felt like a piece of meat, so...that's not okay.

I think lots of women like being complimented on their clothing choices or hair (as they can't help their faces) and getting sincere uncommon or thoughtful compliments, as they don't tend to feel evaluated, like their worth as a person is being sized up.


----------



## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

My honest answer is...sometimes. More often than not they make me uncomfortable; I'm not really good with compliments (from anyone, male or female). I usually blush furiously and get flustered. 

But! I do enjoy them when they are sincere, extemporaneous, and without ulterior motives. 

I’m used to benign compliments from men and women on my manner of dress, accessories, and style. I tend to wear a lot of vintage/antique pieces that garner a lot of glowing comments, which I rather enjoy. It’s more like a compliment to the vintage piece and/or my taste, which is always nice.

Compliments on my looks are a little more complicated. It depends on what is said and how it is said. I’ve had men leer at me, say inappropriate sexual comments, grope and grab me, and much more, all while trying to engage me and “compliment” me. I’ve also been called a female canine for not appreciating the “appreciation” of me. None of this was okay with me and all of it totally sucked. 

But! I've also had some truly wonderful compliments from strangers. Most recently and randomly a tollbooth collector said “Well hello, gorgeous!” and when I thanked him for giving me the toll change he said, “No, thank you…a thing of beauty is always a joy to behold”. That was kind. He was an older gentleman and had no reason to compliment me other than to be nice. 

Still…I blushed furiously…and that week bought an electronic automatic toll collecting gizmo to avoid the tollbooths.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I was a bit hard-pressed to think of when I'm complimented by men. However two compliments came to mind from recent months. I was out and about as part of my work. A man came over to me and simply said 'I've been watching the fantastic work you're doing, keep it up...' I was taken aback, thanked him and he went on his way. That was an unexpected acknowledgement. It was nice to receive.

The other was when I was crossing the road, carrying a box of groceries and unexpectedly lost strength in one arm/shoulder, lost my balance and felt myself falling. It was like slow-motion. The broccoli went somersaulting through the air. I didn't want to lose the entire box of groceries, so I stuck my bottom out to fall back and land, still holding the groceries with the strength of the other arm. A man ran across the road to help, said he saw the whole thing but couldn't get to me in time to catch me. The eggs were still in tact. He said 'For what it's worth, you fell very gracefully.' I laughed and thanked him. He waited until I was standing, asked if I was okay. When I said yes, he continued on his way. I had slight physical pain and it had unnerved me as to what's going on physically. However, him saying I looked graceful was a nice compliment for an awkward moment.


----------

