# Opinion on Facebook Convsersation



## markb1 (Jul 10, 2011)

Hi,
My name is Mark and I stumbled upon the forum while browsing and thought I join and make my 1st post. I've been with my wife for 7 years and we have 2 beautiful kids. I love my wife very much and she's a great mother and takes great care of our family. By nature she's a bit jealous and I'm pretty easy going and generaly don't stress with jealousy. Recently I found a message on her FB and confronted her about it. To give a little history we split couple of years back for about a month but managed to work on it and we've been back together ever since. She has met this man and hung out with him a few times. She claims he's just a friend. I have no issue with them hanging out back then even if it was dating since we did split up and she was a single woman after all. I try to discuss the messages but she always denied anything wrong with it and didn't find it wrong. When I confronted her recently she went on a major attack that night and tried to turn everything away from her by bringing up silly examples and refusing to talk about her messages. I just want an opinion on how everyone would feel if they found this type of conversation on their wife's FB. I know one thing for sure he wanted to date her from day one and still does. I understand she can't control others but the least she could have done is let him know that she is married, instead her marriage was never mentioned. I'm sorry for the long post and thank you for any feedback.

Mark



*Man*
hey
Hey I remember u!

*Wife*
Hey, Lol. It's been a long time! How have you been? 

*Man*
Hey...Been good just working and travelling...how about u?

*Wife*
I'm glad to hear you are doing good. Traveling must be fun. I've been good. Had a little boy in September so having 2 kids now is keeping me busy. Lol.

*Man*
Wow u love the babies huh?? 
I like practicing making the babies!!!...lol 
So Did u leave the ****tail waitress job?

*Wife*
Lol. I do love the babies. No I'm done having kids! I'm happy with 2. Yeah I left the job January last year. I live more north now in P.Beach. You still live in wood?

*Man*
Wow u moved way up north! How do u like it up there?? Yeah I still live in ***wood, but moved all the way east...my apt is at the beach...lots of old people here...but I still love it!!!...lol 

*Wife*
Yeah, I like it. A lot of young families. It's not as busy as down there and the people seem a little bit nicer here. That is nice living close to the beach even with old people! Lol. I always wanted to live on the beach!

*Man*
Lol...ok well anytime u in the mood to come down and visit ***wood beach let me know!!
We never got to have that drink together!!... 

*Wife*
Thanks! I could use that drink! Lol. But having two kids now I don't think I'll ever have time. I'm glad we got to catch up a little bit. Keep in touch.

*Man*
Lol...ok well keep it in mind for when u need to take a break for a minute and need to get away!!...then we'll have that drink!! Yes will keep in touch!! 

*Man*
Hey
I was at the the job today and walked right past where I first talked to you!!...lol 

*Wife*
Hey, Lol! I Miss the old job I live so far now I never go anymore. Fun times! 

*Man*
U should come back!! 

*Wife*
Lol. Maybe one day!

*Man*
So let me know when is that day!!...lol 

* Man*
Hey I was at the job the other day and thought about u. Anything new and good been going on?
Hey everything is good! Ty! Nothing new going on for me just living in the quiet city of Stuart. Not much to do here. Lol. We are hoping to move back down there in August. How have you been?


*Man*
Hey wow yeah ***** does sound quiet...haha.

Well I've been ok just hanging here in *** beach.

So when u move am I going to see u hanging at the old job sometime? 

*Man*
Hey...wow nice pic you just posted! Now I remember why I kept trying to get you to come out for a drink a few years back!! Haha 
Hope u had a good July 4th!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That is inappropriate. Obviously it was a love interest at one time--and your wife is wanting to "stay in touch". You have every right to demand no further contact with this man.


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

IMO, I don't see anything shady on her part. When I read this, I hear him making little suggestive advances and her shooting him down politely every time. I wouldn't sweat it at all.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Your W is being polite, but I don't think she has interest in this man. However, he is clearly trying to enter into an inappropriate relationship. That alone is enough to ask your wife to go NC. There will come a time when your wife is vulnerable and this man will be eager to move in for the kill if he ever senses it. Protect your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

I don't see anything wrong in her posts, but He is trying to make a move on her again. You better let her know that u don't like the way he talks to you and is not acceptable to keep contacts with a man who has other intentions towards you other than a friendship.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ladies... c'mon.

She doesn't tell him "no".. she says "she's too busy".

"Maybe one day"

That sucks.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Ladies... c'mon.
> 
> She doesn't tell him "no".. she says "she's too busy".
> 
> ...


It does suck, but I'm seeing a woman who is scared of being rude. I highly doubt she doesn't know what he's trying to do, though... which means she is at minimum enjoying the attention. She obviously needs to learn how to set appropriate boundaries. No matter what's going on in her mind, the man needs to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Ladies... c'mon.
> 
> She doesn't tell him "no".. she says "she's too busy".
> 
> ...


Yeah one day is like saying, ''keep on dreaming.''

or 
maybe one day with my husband and my kids I will come to pay you a visit, of course if you still want to have a coffee with me.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

This is the same kind of problem my wife and I keep arguing about. It's clear the guy is looking for an opening and you wife, while not doing anything wrong, isn't turning him down. So he sees it as a reason to keep trying or keep in contact. He'll just wait until he sees the right time and then try to move on in. If he knows about your past problems he might try bringing them up as a way of "letting him in". You need to tell her that you think he's up to something and would like for her to not talk to him anymore.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> It does suck, but I'm seeing a woman who is scared of being rude. I highly doubt she doesn't know what he's trying to do, though... which means she is at minimum enjoying the attention. She obviously needs to learn how to set appropriate boundaries. No matter what's going on in her mind, the man needs to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your seeing a woman who likes the attention - and wants him to keep it up.


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## markb1 (Jul 10, 2011)

wow I am surprised at the difference of opinion between man and women. if I was mentioned anywhere in the conversation I wouldn't think anything of it. After I found the messages I asked for her to let him know she is married and that didn't take place. if a woman makes a pass at me I make sure that she knows I'm happily married and there is no chance. one thing to mention I've been telling her that I don't feel the passion towards me and it happened around the same time as the messages. She is a very sexual woman by nature and since this happened I noticed a huge decrease.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Your seeing a woman who likes the attention - and wants him to keep it up.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Mark,

I'm willing to bet you'll see yourself in the links below:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Read them all.

Welcome to a new world.

We're here to kick it around with you in the Men's Clubhouse.




markb1 said:


> wow I am surprised at the difference of opinion between man and women. if I was mentioned anywhere in the conversation I wouldn't think anything of it. After I found the messages I asked for her to let him know she is married and that didn't take place. if a woman makes a pass at me I make sure that she knows I'm happily married and there is no chance. one thing to mention I've been telling her that I don't feel the passion towards me and it happened around the same time as the messages. She is a very sexual woman by nature and since this happened I noticed a huge decrease.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

She is not totally closing the door on him. She is too concerned with his feelings and not concerned with yours. She is showing poor boundaries.

If she wants to be polite, she could very easily have said "Look, I'm happily married and can't have a drink with you. Take care." 

She is keeping her options open. She needs to have enough healthy boundaries around the marriage to insulate her from guys like this continuing to pursue her. He is doing it because she's giving him a little bit of hope. What married woman would do chat like this unless she had some interest?

She needs to own her $hit.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I can see both sides of the discussion here. I agree with those who have said he is definitely trying to put moves on her, but she seems to be doing a relatively good job of deflecting those moves in a polite manner. Most people do not like to be confrontational and attempt to trivialize or deflect such propositions rather than saying "Leave me the hell alone or I'll call the police".

I also agree with the ladies here that her saying "Maybe one day" is a complete rejection of his advances. Just a nice way of doing it. For a guy who is intent on banging her it translates to "not in this lifetime". And although you are concerned that she didn't tell him she was married, she did in fact do that by talking about her kids and saying she was busy raising them. Again, to a guy on the prowl that means she is "engaged" with her family, not disengaged with them. He must know she is married otherwise he would have asked if she was married when your wife mentioned the kids. So here again, the fact that she's talking about having had another child and is busy raising them is a rejection (in my opinion) of his overtures.

On the other hand, this man is a potential threat and should be stopped. Your wife can, and should, block him from her facebook contacts so there is no further contact. While I don't recommend this in most cases where an affair is ongoing, in this case it might be appropriate for you to scare him off. While I deplore social networking sites like myspace and facebook, you could open your own account there and POST messages to your wifes page like "love you honey", "just want to thank you for our wonderful marriage", "can't wait to see my wife tonight". If your wife blocks YOU, well that would be telling but I don't think she will. However, you send a message to this guy and all the other "pursuers" out there that you and your wife are engaged in your relationship and she is not a lonely wife who might be open for temptation.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Your seeing a woman who likes the attention - and wants him to keep it up.


That's fair. I used to always try to let men down gently, which is why I see that in her messages. Mentioning children is one of the subtle ways that women try to turn men away. At this point I can be straight and let a man know when he's crossing the line. It takes some time to get over the "women must be nice" BS and learn to cut to the chase. I just don't think his wife is there.

Let's not forget that the man is being careful in his language. She's scared that is she tells him to cut the crap he'd accuse her of being full of herself because he was only interested in being friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Real careful when he tells her he "likes practicing to make babies"

Subtle indeed.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

markb1 said:


> wow I am surprised at the difference of opinion between man and women.


Nope, I'm siding with the men on this one.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Nope, I'm siding with the men on this one.


His stuff reads straight out of "pickup artist 101" handbook.

She knows it.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i see a guy who isnt taking the hint....

he may have said that he like makin babies....but she didnt answer back

maybe someday....is a bulllsh!t response, if i wanted to go and have a drink, i would say, hey lets met next tuesday...

she threw the kids up a lot, and he sounds like he is having a one sided conversation.

she kept things easy breezy and he is looking for an in....she need to un-friend him...

every time he would bring up the past, she ignored it with, oh....sure, and it didnt sound like she put the pic up for his benifit.

idk...just what i thought.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Mommy is on this,

Here's how it can start...

"Wow, your husband knows you chat with men on Facebook? Damn, if I was your husband and had a wife as hot as you, I'm sure I would pay more attention to you than he apparently does..."


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## Mckiwi (Jul 10, 2011)

I honestly wouldn't sweat it. She seems not interested at all. It could be the case that they were really friends at some point and he was flirting a bit. Women don't tend to mind the attention. But now that she's back with you, she doesn't know how to say "Not gonna happen". Its harder if you don't start off like this with someone. If you are sort of friends first, someone to have a conversation with, it's harder to tell if someone is kind of being a flirt, in a joking way and not a come-on. I think he was, but she might not have been sure enough to tell him to go away. So she's mentioned kids and not responded to his advances, hoping he'll buy the hint and she won't have to be "mean".


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

Your wife was cool and polite but yes she should have mentioned she was married, that would have pissed me off too.
This guy was being a douche and pushing the issue.
She did nothing wrong(well the marriage omission maybe) and HE was a dirt bag pushing up on a woman who was politely saying "Not thanks, I'm not interested."


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## weR2 (Jul 9, 2011)

Personally, I see nothing wrong here, in fact I see that she is an absolutely normal human being. The fact that she is still with you should be enough for any confident man to realize, that with you is where she wants be. Be careful not to confuse a persons desire for mental growth and understanding with a persons desire for sexual intercourse. I encourage my SO to have friends of the opposite sex because that helps her to understand the opposite sex, whereby she can do a better job of raising our children and understanding of masculinity. I doubt very much that if the other person was a female, that you would have any negative reactions.


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## Scottt (Feb 25, 2011)

BigToe said:


> On the other hand, this man is a potential threat and should be stopped. Your wife can, and should, block him from her facebook contacts so there is no further contact. While I don't recommend this in most cases where an affair is ongoing, in this case it might be appropriate for you to scare him off. While I deplore social networking sites like myspace and facebook, you could open your own account there and POST messages to your wifes page like "love you honey", "just want to thank you for our wonderful marriage", "can't wait to see my wife tonight". If your wife blocks YOU, well that would be telling but I don't think she will. However, you send a message to this guy and all the other "pursuers" out there that you and your wife are engaged in your relationship and she is not a lonely wife who might be open for temptation.


I was already wondering if you were on Facebook, Markb1, so I take it you're not. You should set up an account today. It's not too hard, but if you're not sure how to go about it, ask your wife for help. It would be something for the two of you to spend an hour or so on together, which would be good in itself.

And does your wife not list her marital status on her profile? Even if you're not on Facebook, she could have "Married" at the top. But once you've signed up, your wife can have "Married to Markb1" at the top of her page. When she does this, your name there will be a link to your own profile, so folks looking at hers can click on your name and see your profile too.

I often see married women on Facebook who come across for all the world like single moms, perhaps unintentionally. They may even be friends (on Facebook) with their husbands, but they don't list their marital status, and they have tons of pictures with their kids but few if any with their husbands. I've wondered a few times if couples I knew had split up, but no, they're still together, just not on Facebook.

Even if your wife had posted her marital status, it might not have prevented this creep from hitting on her, but at least it would be a signal to guys with more of a sense of honor or integrity. And from her responses, especially mentioning being busy with the babies but not referring to a husband at all, how could he have concluded anything but that she was a single mom?


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

The issue isn't that the guy is a douche bag. The issue is not even about the fact that she didn't mention she was married. The issue is that she didn't say NO and continues to be chatty with him.

A married woman is expected to say "I can't have a drink with you. I'm married." when a guy asks her out. 

It's not the politeness that worries me, but the fact that she didn't cut him off completely. Leaving the door open, even just a crack, means something.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

This isn't an issue. Send a private Facebook message to this guy and tell him to go fk himself. Let him know his messages read like he's trying to do a pickup. 

You don't owe this guy any courtesy. Let him have it. Like you care about his feelings?

There. Problem solved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

It's like a married woman being asked by a male friend to go lingerie shopping with him and responding, "Oh no, today is too busy" - instead of why would you think that's appropriate?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I guess it would be ok if said male friend was buying lengerie for himself to wear. Lol. 





Conrad said:


> It's like a married woman being asked by a male friend to go lingerie shopping with him and responding, "Oh no, today is too busy" - instead of why would you think that's appropriate?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Ladies... c'mon.
> 
> She doesn't tell him "no".. she says "she's too busy".
> 
> ...


 That's what women do. They try to say no but fear being called out for being rude. Remember, when a man does what he wants, he's taking charge; when a woman does what she wants, she's a biotch. So women use the art of language to say no without being rude. 

This guy repeatedly tries to contact her, and, after the first round, she repeatedly ignores him.

Enough said.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

markb1 said:


> After I found the messages I asked for her to let him know she is married and that didn't take place.


Now this, this is an issue you have to resolve. Find out WHY she won't block him. My guess is the flirting makes her feel good so she leaves it open, even though she has no intention of going anywhere with it. My guess is she is NOT feeling the flirt from YOU. Can you work on that?



> I've been telling her that I don't feel the passion towards me and it happened around the same time as the messages. She is a very sexual woman by nature and since this happened I noticed a huge decrease.


And this, this sounds like a whiny teenaged boy. You're not feeling the passion? So MAKE some! Women need tending; they need to be wooed, and romanced and made to feel special. Sorry, but it's the truth; if you aren't doing things to keep your marriage spiced up, then you WILL lose her passion.

How many dates do you go on without the kids? How often does she get to be alone without the kids so she can feel like an adult, not just a mother? How many hours a week do you spend with her away from the kids so she can feel in love with you? (it should be at least 10 or 15)

Kindle your relationship, or the flame will go out.


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## SeekingHope (Jul 12, 2011)

I think she was just being too polite to say no. But I also think she SHOULD have said a flat out no, or mentioned you in the conversation more. Something to be a little more firm that it was never going to happen. But I didn't see in the conversation that she had any intentions of meeting up with him, or that she was initiating any of that. Still, I feel your pain. Why can't married people just NOT do that stuff in the first place. It would totally save a lot of drama!


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## tjlee (May 19, 2011)

Dude, these are the same types of ****ty-ass conversations my wife has with guys. I come to her and say "that looks like flirting" and she swears she did not intend it to look that way. Now, whether or nit that is true, a guy will usually respond in a flirty way if the woman allows him to do so or allows a relationship to nurture that. Just recently, a guy was getting flirty with my wife on FB. She didn't see it as flirty until I spelled things out for her...then she finally realized that maybe he was being flirty. She stopped responding to him in certain ways and he pretty much stopped all communications. My wife is way too trusting, too friendly, and too kind. She needs to be more careful.

So yeah, it's inappropriate and you better make sure your wife knows what she wants in life.


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## changedone (Jul 12, 2011)

Bigtoe states


> , you could open your own account there and POST messages to your wifes page like "love you honey", "just want to thank you for our wonderful marriage", "can't wait to see my wife tonight". If your wife blocks YOU, well that would be telling but I don't think she will. However, you send a message to this guy and all the other "pursuers" out there that you and your wife are engaged in your relationship and she is not a lonely wife who might be open for temptation


 :iagree::iagree:

start making her feel more important then he is trying to


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Great point.


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## nunya (Jul 13, 2011)

sounds like "man" is trying to make a connection, but your wife is being polite and dismissing him. I wouldn't worry about it. She handled herself like a real lady.


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