# needing to be restored to sanity



## kcguy (Nov 15, 2010)

I am not "new" to this site, but haven't been here for a while. Long story short, I was seperated and divorced from my wife for 2 years. We were together for 8 years before that. it was a very troubled relationship. We both had kids from previous marriages. i had 1 son, she has 3 kids, 2boys and 1 daughter. 
the divorce was in May of 07, in July of 09, I asked her if she wanted to try again. We really never stopped talking to each other, it wasn't all the time, but at least once a month we'd call and talk about our joint issues, i was trying to see the house we bought a year before. that was the only string we had in common. No kids, etc. Everytime we tried to talk, we'd try to talk about past issues and of course, it would end up yelling, screaming, because we couldn't let go, trying to get the other to see our own side of the problem. (that's another story) basically, we couldn't move foward on problems. There's a very strong problem she has with grudges, resentments, compassion and forgiveness. I know we all do at times, but this is really serious and even our Marriage counsler has seen it and made a point of it. She "occasionly" admits it, but doesn't see it as a problem for her, as it's usually my fault, or everyone elses as to why she's mad or holding back, which is often. she doesn't communicate at all about herself. She lies to me about pretty much anything. I'm actually just not sure what she is saying is true or not, so we have some serious trust issues. I'll get to that in a sec. 
I had a serious heart attack serveral years ago, and after that our marriage went to crap. I know she had mucho stuff going on, as her mom had a stroke 6 months later. but our relationship went down bad. That last year was hell. One time, she would put my meds in the little pill boxes, but decided to run a test to see if I really needed a medication, to try to save a few dollars. Problem is, she didnt' tell me. it was an allergy med, because one of the meds was causing hives so bad i'd be covered in them it was costing a bit, but it wasn't breaking the bank. yet she wouldn't let her kids go without anything. this was while we were married. Once she told me, I was completely devistated and my trust was gone. She let me go 2 weeks she claims less, but the hives came back so bad, I would come home from work in tears. I kept saying, why are they coming back. it took 7 months from the time I left the hospital to find the med effective enough to treat them. Once they were under control, I did start working with here to lower them a bit, but I told her to stop as soon as they started coming back. she kept reducing the amount to see if it was in my head or did I really need them to try to save money. Yes, she came clean, but the fact that this woman had such little regard with my health, I just collapsed in tears. I was so miserable and she just let it happen.. Then she just fought back and said they weren't important, they were just allergy meds. Well as I was moving out, she leaves a letter.. Oh.. I get it now.. I took your rights away, I messed with your health.. you know. saying crap just to save face. Well, long story short, I didn't want the divorce and neither did she, but went ahead and did ti because nothing was getting resolved, I had a defibulator put in me a year before and she was hitting me over an arguement over aluminum cans. that was it. I was done. 2 months later, I was out,er...she was out. 
A year later, I was told I only had a short time to live due to my heart. I realized I didn't want to be mad anymore. I called her and tried to talk to her. She had started to see someone else, and I told her I didnt' want to interfere, but I figured she'd want to know. Of course she cried, and I told her I wanted to make amends for my mistakes. I asked her for forgiveness and hoped she would be happy and have a good life. I told her I wished I could have been a better man, husband, friend and step father. Long story short, her relationship lasted 7 weeks and she started calling me about some IT help and agreed to help her. I had realized I hadnt stopped loving her. I wanted to try again. I had hoped the time apart, and maybe her being with someone else would have helped her let go of the past. She agreed immeadiatly. I was so happy, and she appeared to be as well. Well, she admitted to her relationship and that it was over, she was over it and such, but 2 months later this guy contacted her. Of course, it was kept from me, and we continuted on, until one night she disappeared from the face of the earth, after I put my son in the hospital due to mono so bad he was so sick. I called her and she was telling how she wanted to be there...yadda yadda yadda. I tried calling her and she wouldn't return my calls. texting, nothing. I had this gut feelng, oh no. She's back with him. She disappeared all night. Next morning she calls and say, I was wrong as I called her accusing of being with him, he was back and such. I has a gut feeling something was up because she was starting arguments, being distant, just being overall weird. We were tyring to keep things slow and I was ok with it. Well, she finally admitted they were "talking" and it was nothing. She got confused because she had feelings for the guy. Well, I ended it because I'm not going to let someone play me. I don't do well in these situations of having someone date two people. I wanted to just be with her. She called me 2 days later. I want to be with you. (after reconcilation started) All went or seemed ok, but it just wasn't the same since he came back. She was till distant, preoccupied, starting fights again, accusing me of things I wasn't doing. Especially when I was trying to get close, inimate, etc. She'd bite my head off, she'd make promises and then not come thru. Well, I finally threatened and I meant it to end it. She got scared and was like NO.. I'm sorry.. I'll do better. OK. so.. I still had our house and I was fighting foreclosure, and was under the belief that i was going to keep it. She tried to move to a bigger apartment, but couldn't because she had filed Bankruptcy. We had talked about moving in some day, but I just wanted to know if she would want to move in the house, because I would have had to get a second job until she did. Well that sparked off a whole new round of crap. She didn't know what the futer would be, she didn't want to commit, she was scared, but yet she wouldn't stop seeing me. I helped her with her sons graduation, i stuck in there, I kept trying to sort out the bs with sanity. it kept coming back, something is missing. I tried talking to her. finally with the Marriage Counsler, she sat there and said her past boyfriend was just ouf of fear, and her jumping all around was just being afraid of going back to the same old relationship, etc. Well, a few weeks later, after telling me we aren't moving in for at least a year, I want to move in. I was like WTF is going on? I asked her are you sure, yes..yes.. what about the kids. As that was one of her excuses too. 14-15-18 are their ages. I wante to do what ever was needed to make it work. Oh, I had to make this change, and that change, and this change.. before it would happen. i did it. But, she didn't make any except her address. the minute the kids whined about something she'd storm in the bedroom, and yell and scream at me about how I did something wrong with one of her kids. when she was moving in, we had a pool, I would say things LIke I'm so happy to be back again: Her respone: We don't have to do everything together, or be togther 24-7. I made comments like I'm so looking foward to being a family again. this was a YEAR after being back together. "We don't have to do everything together: these comments really pee'd me off. I tried talking to her about it, but it just turned into a fight Well, a few weeks after her moving in, I was working on her computer and I opened Email and guess what? She had been going to Chemistry.com for 6 months. From the time she "broke" up with the ex boyfriend, to that time, just before she moved in, She was checking out other men on this site. Supposedly just looking at their profiles, but jeez, again, she was afraid it wasn't going to work out. Well, after that mess, her daughter was involved with stealing some things from teh house. Taking money, etc. She just ignored it and on some if it, blamed me and it was my fault because I had things in MY house, and her kid stole it. She didnt do a damn thing about it. Well, just before XMas, we moved into a new apartment. I was cleaning out a drawer on her night stand and found a letter she has written to her ex, and man, she was trying really hard to get this guy back. They had been fighting and was trying to get him back, way.. and I mean wow way more than she ever let on. She lies about most things. she tries to control everything. 
Her anger is very bad and when i start talking about things she doesnt' want to deal with, it really gets bad, when I confronted her about the Chemistry site, she got pissed about me going into the email. There shouldn't have had anything to hide. Yet, she's pissed because she didn't hid her tracks better. She sent me up to Micky's one morning, so she could gett herself off while I was gone. I got back before she was done and busted her. I wasn't so mad about what was happening, more about why are you hiding it, or not wanting me to be a part of this? She still doesn't get it. then here lately, she tells me again, she's not sure if this is going to work out. I have a a gut feeling, this isn't going to last long. These ar just a few things that has happened. I belive she has a mental problem and not taking care of it. I cook dinner most night, help with laundry, pay half my bills, I should be completely disabled, but i do like to work. I do my part around the house. oh, I recently received a nice chunch of cash from teh homeowners insruance for the remander of the year, and she tried to talk haf of it. Only because of a techical reason, was she on it. She had abandoned the house, signed off on a quick claim deed and written off on the Bankrupcty that happened way before this happened, yet really fought with me to try to get half this money. I mean, this is a part of the big things she's done. I have Heart desease, I lived thru a Widow maker heart attck.
i met God because i had a near deah experience when I was geting treatmen. Ok, so you think I'm not being trusting enogh,
or paranoid like she says i'm being. reading into it too uch. Please let me know what you think. thanks.


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## kcguy (Nov 15, 2010)

OH, and here's a kicker. Ifind out today, after paying for counsling for 7 months, busting my ass, sacrificing my time, engergy and money, NOW..AGAIN>> she's not sure it's going to work, after we moved into a new apartment. Now the BS is starting again. She wouldn't go to my Cardio appt a couple months ago to be put on the heart transplant system, because she doesn't want to deal with it, because it's too painful. I said it's about our future.. then I said. Why don't we talk about our future. She said, I am just trying to live in the moment, I said, couples who are going to be together make plans.. Our is different, and I just want to stay in the present. I said. OMG.. You don't think we have one. She said.. Well, there's been some things I've done. I said What? wtf have I done worse than this crap that would cause you to doubt this. Well, I reacted wrong to things she did. Can you belive this?


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