# When to leave?



## Anne1988 (Jan 20, 2016)

I am 27 years old. I have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 3. We have an 8 year old and a 3 year old. My husband is an alcoholic, insecure, ******* who projects all of his issues on to me. To top it off I have been dealing with some health issues (which he MOCKS me for!) that leave me unable to do much at all. Currently I am stay at home with my 3 year old who is going through an extra clingy, wont even stay with grandma for a few hours, phase. I have reached the point that there is no hope for my husband to change and he refuses to get help or constantly makes excuses on why he cant (work, money, time blah blah blah). So i find myself wondering... do i rush out and get a job that doesnt pay more than $15 per hour, leaving my 3 old broken hearted and in daycare all day in order to leave and get the hell out...or do i stay strong for awhile until i get my health squared away so i can focus on studying for my career job where i will be able to stay home with my child and work from home, and then leave when i am in a more independent situation??? I am at a fork in the road and I dont know which direction to go, any advice helps! Thank you so much


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long will I take you to study for your dream job? 

About how much will you be able to make at your dream job?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

And how long will it take to get your health squared away because there will be no dream job if you are physically unable to perform it.

Do you have medical benefits through him now?????


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

By the time you pay for daycare you won't come out much ahead, plus it's best for you 3 year old to be with you. I would stay in your situation for now, try to get into better health and focus on studying for a job so you can support yourself unless you can live with your parents with your children and they can watch your children while you work.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I take it you're not working outside of the home currently, any reason you're not studying for that dream job now? On line classes or evening classes are probably available.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

You have him come home to an empty house and find divorce papers on the refridgerator along with a detailed plan on how you share the kids until this is final. Go dark for a day or two. WHEN he finally gets you on the phone, he will be begging, crying, whimpering and promising to change. 

YOU - "I so wanted to hear that when we still had a chance, but now I'm gone. It's too late, sorry".

Then, if you see him REALLY working on himself. If you see he REALLY gets it (I did when I found out my wife was gone for good), you MAY take him back. But it will be a long, hard journey.

What's that? You want a quick, immediate fix? Sorry, I can't help you. Nobody will be able to help you.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Anne1988 said:


> I am 27 years old. I have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 3. We have an 8 year old and a 3 year old. My husband is an alcoholic, insecure, ******* who projects all of his issues on to me. To top it off I have been dealing with some health issues (which he MOCKS me for!) that leave me unable to do much at all. Currently I am stay at home with my 3 year old who is going through an extra clingy, wont even stay with grandma for a few hours, phase. I have reached the point that there is no hope for my husband to change and he refuses to get help or constantly makes excuses on why he cant (work, money, time blah blah blah). So i find myself wondering... do i rush out and get a job that doesnt pay more than $15 per hour, leaving my 3 old broken hearted and in daycare all day in order to leave and get the hell out...or do i stay strong for awhile until i get my health squared away so i can focus on studying for my career job where i will be able to stay home with my child and work from home, and then leave when i am in a more independent situation??? I am at a fork in the road and I dont know which direction to go, any advice helps! Thank you so much


Living with an alcoholic father who mocks mother for health issues is damaging to the children. Period. Going to daycare while mommy works is not. Yes, the 3 year old is going through a clingy phase, but I promise she will get through it if you don't nurture her extreme dependence. Daycare could actually be a good thing for her. She would learn that the sky doesn't fall if mommy leaves her line of sight, learn social skills, and independence. I've seen some clingy kids completely forget their parents in 5 minutes when sent into a room with a bunch of toys and other kids in their age group.

I don't know the costs of living where you are, but I am in the midwest and my DH supported a family of 5 on $15 an hour. We didn't have any "extra's", but we had a home, two cars (saved for and purchased used and in good shape), all the other necessities (including cable and internet), and a little left over to occasionally splurge on something fun. We bargain shopped or bought gently used, planned ahead by saving $10 here and $20 there for birthdays and Christmas, etc.

It wasn't until 2 years ago he had been at his job long enough to start making more $, so my experience supporting a family of 5 on one $15/hr income is recent.

Additionally, once you are living separately and have filed for support, your H would be responsible for contributing via child support, a percentage of daycare costs, and medical.


Besides, there is the option of working and training for a better job. You can take classes online at home when you're not working and the kids are mostly settled.

So, really, why would you stay at this point? If it were me I'd rather money be a little tight for a while than continue having my kids live with an alcoholic who refuses to change into a decent human being as their example of manhood.


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