# married forever, but unsure of future, help me



## trashmanted (Jun 25, 2010)

Never done anything like this before so bear with me.

So here's the background, I got married 19 years ago when I was 20 and wife was 17. In first year wife cheated on me, took her back, then we had our daughter. About 7 months after having our kid, she cheated again. We broke up for about 7 months, and worked some stuff out, grew up a bit, and got together again. However since then the intimacy was never as close as before, and lately its gone 100%. In the last 4 years usually had sex once a month only, but even that is gone now. Have had NO sexual contact in 8 months. I have always lived my life to please others, as a kid to please my father who raised me without a mother around, and now to make wife and daughter happy. And that's the problem. I don't know how much more I can take. My wife seem's OK with the situation, so I dont want to hurt her. But I Feel like I'm a safety net and paycheck to her. My daughter will be a senior this fall, so for last few years I've been telling myself I can last till then, but dont think I can. I don often think, even fantasize i guess, about just walking away and living in a small apartment all by myself. 

Any Ideas on what to do stay or go and if go how to approach a woman who seems ok with the situation


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Have you told her how you feel? My h has a similar problem to yours- he's very accommodating at the expense of his own happiness, a.k.a a martyr. It might not be that you need to leave the marriage, it might be that you need to learn how to be work on your boundaries and be more assertive. You might just need to learn how to stop trying to please everyone else.


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

trashmanted said:


> Never done anything like this before so bear with me.
> 
> So here's the background, I got married 19 years ago when I was 20 and wife was 17. In first year wife cheated on me, took her back, then we had our daughter. About 7 months after having our kid, she cheated again. We broke up for about 7 months, and worked some stuff out, grew up a bit, and got together again. However since then the intimacy was never as close as before, and lately its gone 100%. In the last 4 years usually had sex once a month only, but even that is gone now. Have had NO sexual contact in 8 months. I have always lived my life to please others, as a kid to please my father who raised me without a mother around, and now to make wife and daughter happy. And that's the problem. I don't know how much more I can take. My wife seem's OK with the situation, so I dont want to hurt her. But I Feel like I'm a safety net and paycheck to her. My daughter will be a senior this fall, so for last few years I've been telling myself I can last till then, but dont think I can. I don often think, even fantasize i guess, about just walking away and living in a small apartment all by myself.
> 
> Any Ideas on what to do stay or go and if go how to approach a woman who seems ok with the situation


I would talk to your wife right now. Have an honest conversation about your marriage. I would venture to guess that she is as happy with the marriage as you are. In most states it is going to take at least a year to unwind a 19 year marriage. You can file now, still live as a family during the waiting period, and just have it final after your daughter graduates from high school.


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