# Getting her to initiate and not just ask......



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

........or lay there and expect me read her mind.


My wife is a good woman, kind, loving, generous and faithful. Everything in that area is 100% but she never initiates anything spontaneous or passionate and has a very low sex drive.

Today, I cleaned the kitchen, fridge, freezer, recycled everything, garbages out, cat litter and put up all the Christmas decorations. My wife works on Sundays were as I do not. She gets home, immediately starts talking on the phone with her sister and parents, a daily thing and eats chips and dip, macaroni and cheese, not the healthiest choices considering her size. She brings me some chocolate squares and I say, being spontaneous, put that piece in your mouth and I will eat and kiss it out. She immediately says NO, and it breaks off in her mouth and she gives me the other piece. I felt somewhat rejected and I threw it in the garbage. She then hits me on the back of my head!? I didn't do anything back and told her she has a low unromantic drive and went upstairs.........

If my wife is actually in the mood, she comes to bed, and just puts her foot on mine or her arm against mine and just does nothing.......that's her way of initiating "us" time. If I'm half asleep, how am I supposed to get this signal? I have never shut her down by the way but she can always shut me down for many reasons and it's okay.


What else can I do here?


I'm tired of its always the man who has to change, never the woman. She's never at fault it seems and in the end, it's always the man who has to do something different to hopefully get some "us" time later. I thought marriage was 50 / 50?


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

If my wife initiated anything in the bedroom besides talk of her worries, I'd jump up and do a happy dance.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I hear yah on that one.

And we have no money issues. We both work full time and I do the finances because I have the gift and take after my Dad. My wife knows everything I do and at any time.

We both have our own bank accounts, credit cards and they are joint spousal, so we are together but still individuals at the same time, thus we never fight about money or if we want to buy something. And bills are 50 / 50 as well, based on our incomes. We also have a line of credit we can both use, have our own cars, so going out is never an issue.

If my wife wants to surf the 'net, she has a laptop and I use the main desktop.

It's just the low sex drive and needing to lose a lot of weight.........


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Hmmm maybe the weight is directly related to the drive...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

That's exactly what I am thinking here. But how do you get a woman, who hasn't done anything to take care of her body for 13 years of marriage, to go to a gym, get in shape, weight comes off, insecurities go away and in the end, gets a normal sex drive???

If a man even hints at her needing to lose weight, BIG NO NO......and I already am in good shape from 13 years of weight training.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Maybe try to tell her you want to spend couples time at the gym?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

See, when I weight train, I focus, no talking and I serious train hard. It's not a social event for me, than why even go?


Looks like another early night for me and unfortunately.....porn "again".


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Ummm because you love her, you are concerned about her health, and she is worth the effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If she wants to train with me hard, they of course, yes, but if its more of a casual social getting out thing for her, then no. She has her female friends for that. When you go to train, you are there to train, otherwise, the training session is pretty much wasted and useless. And this is coming from a good friend of mine, who has done competitive body building. "When you train, you train. After the training, you can socialize and what not, otherwise, it's all wasted and for nothing." Either I do it right or not at all. Simple. And how I look after 13 years vs my wife after 13 years is proof of that. If I can make the effort to take care of myself, then she has no excuse. "Fate is what you make." She has to train at a woman's only gym, make new friends there, make it a life style change for herself first, then me afterwards. Month after month and year after year she will notice the positive changes and say,why did I waste 13+ years of my life doing nothing???

I've seen many cases of over weight women, at certain body building sites, before and 3 years later and the difference is mind boggling. Before, big and over weight, 3+ years later, WOW, you wouldn't recognize them!!!


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