# Sex& marriage



## Meg28 (Oct 18, 2017)

I've been with my husband for 8 years i initiate sex most of the time is it possiable men get sick of the same thing or maybe he wants something new?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Meg28 said:


> I've been with my husband for 8 years i initiate sex most of the time is it possiable men get sick of the same thing or maybe he wants something new?


Everyone gets bored with the same thing once an a while, not just sex. 

That's why it's good to spice it up. That has absolutely nothing to do with him trolling for other women. He has a commitment and responsibility to be with you. You need to hold him accountable to that. If he can't do it then you should find someone who can. Do you feel like cleaning the house all the time? Are you emotionally bored sometimes? Are you out trolling sites to make new emotional connections? (If you are stop.) You need to talk to your husband about this, but you also need to not take crap. You get one life don't waste it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

The short answer to your direct question is yes... it is possible for a man to get bored with the same routine and want some variety.

However, that may or may not be the reason he doesn't do much initiating. 


He just may not be an initiator to begin with. Did he used to initiate more?
He may be lower on the desire scale than you. Has there been a recent decline in his interest or desire for frequency?
He may have other things on his mind. Is there new stress in his life?
He may not be confident in your enjoyment and may not want to impose on you; if he waits for you to initiate, he may be more comfortable that you truly want to do it rather than are just doing it to please him.

There are other less pleasant explanations as well. Hopefully that's not applicable here. 

Most importantly, have you asked him why he doesn't initiate more?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Everyone gets bored with the same thing once an a while, not just sex.
> 
> That's why it's good to spice it up. That has absolutely nothing to do with him trolling for other women. He has a commitment and responsibility to be with you. You need to hold him accountable to that. If he can't do it then you should find someone who can. Do you feel like cleaning the house all the time? Are you emotionally bored sometimes? Are you out trolling sites to make new emotional connections? (If you are stop.) You need to talk to your husband about this, but you also need to not take crap. You get one life don't waste it.


Did I miss some reference to him trolling other women?


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I think it is different for every person but I think the bigger problem lies with the fact that he has been looking for other women.

There could be a whole host of reasons why you're the primary initiator but still, if he's already looking elsewhere that situation has to be dealt with first.



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Did I miss some reference to him trolling other women?


Yea she had another post where she said her husband has at the very least tried having sex with a stripper.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Hmm.. Guess it's a person to person thing. He may just have a low sex drive. You should have his blood and testosterone checked. When I was in a LTR/marriage, I never got tired of the same woman. Then again, I have a high sex drive.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

toblerone said:


> I think it is different for every person but I think the bigger problem lies with the fact that he has been looking for other women.
> 
> There could be a whole host of reasons why you're the primary initiator but still, if he's already looking elsewhere that situation has to be dealt with first.
> 
> ...


Thanks,
I was unaware of the other post.

Meg,
I agree with everyone else--the extramarital activity is the immediate problem. Please don't fall into the false notion that his possible desire for something new is justification for going outside the marriage. If you start with the mindset that his wandering may be your fault, you're on the wrong path right from the get-go. Stand absolutely firm that he CAN NOT put any of his behavior on you or 8 years of routine.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I didn't tired of the same woman.look wise.

But I did get tired of always being the generous lover and no reciprocation.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think people can get bored / tire of a sexual routine, but there are many who do not get tired of their partner, as long as that partner is willing to work with them to keep sex exciting. 

There are of course some who get tired of the same person, but those people shouldn't get married or get into any other long term commitment. 

In any case boredom isn't an excuse for cheating. Certainly not unless he has already tried to work with you to make sex exciting again.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

A lot of relationships - the majority, in fact - have someone who is less invested than their partner. Here it seems that person is your husband. You can live your life for your happiness and not revolve around him all the time. Maybe he will see that and want you. Although that is not the reason you should do it, it might be a pleasant side effect.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

toblerone said:


> Yea she had another post where she said her husband has at the very least tried having sex with a stripper.


Awww jeez. Another one trying to turn herself inside out to 'please' a piece of **** whose bored and is looking to fly his freak flag elsewhere.

Honey, do yourself a favor and dump him. then, find a real man. One who'll actually appreciate you and respect you. This miscreant isn't capable.


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## redfox (Oct 20, 2017)

Lets get back to the subject. 

You looking to re energize your relationship correct? 

From a guys perspective, it all comes down to the three parts a man wants of a woman
1.) Best friend and companion, 2.) Devoted mother of his children 3.) Vixen in the bedroom. 
These three areas are always present yet not necessarily equal. They fluctuate with different percentages depending upon the dynamic between you and your spouse and as you enter different stages in your lives, ex, having children, caring for family members, changing careers etc.. 

To increase one aspect of these three, one or a combination of the other two must be decreased. For example. 

As a man seeing your children going to school for the first time and how she reacts and dotes over them, watching for the bus, following them to school, checking with the teaches, and then doing this again, and again, does not make you love her less. It drives up the Mother of Your Children aspect while reducing the vixen and or friend aspect. 

In relation, you can't feel or be the vixen when the kids are banging on the door constantly looking for something, or when you are discussing finances, or plans on how best to care for a ill family member. 

To be the vixen, first, set the mood. How about changing your hair style or colour. Don't tell him, just go with your instincts. Something different, something modern, something that makes you feel sexy. Get a sitter, no kids, get them out of the house if at all possible. Wear something sexy. Nothing that is too spicey, he knows what is there. Something that compliments your figure. Plan an evening out at a pub with friends that way he can see your interactions and think wow! she's hot!

Flirt with him!. Give him a little time to allow those other aspects to drop away. For christ sake, don;t dare talk about the kids or things you should be or could be , or what needs to be done around the house or life. That is a deal breaker. Matter of fact, tell him from the start of the evening, tonight is about each other, and no talk about kids or other stuff. If there is a slip up and one of you mention it, make it a game. If they do, they own the other one a kiss. 

As the night goes on and you feel he once again sees you as his vixen. Tip the scales on him. (Warning adult content lol) when the time is right whisper in his ear that you are wearing new sexy underwear, or go all out and say your not wearing any panties at all.. You will know...he will know...and it will be your little secret at the table.

If you make it home with him without him jumping you insatiably, make sure you enjoy every moment of your time together. reconnect with massages after, or more fun. Your personal time is the chain that links you together. 

And when you go back to the daily routeens of regular life...one more thing. Kids are getting ready for school, you both are getting ready to head out for work...to make your point that he is still your man, and you are still his vixen all you have to do before you part....is whisper in his ear... that under what you are wearing, you are wearing the new sexy underwear, or you are not wearing any panties at all..

See the look on his face you will know which aspect he is thinking of you
Good luck


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

If there has been an extended history where a man is denied sex often by the wife, it's very common for them to stop initiating. The mind will do things to protect itself from damage, so he may subconsciously not initiate to not have to deal with the consistent rejection.

I'm not saying this is the case for you at all, but it's one reason why men stop initiating. Another one is they jerk off to too much porn, or they're cheating.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Why ask here? ask him! He has the answer.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Heh, why'd she get banned?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Meg28 said:


> I've been with my husband for 8 years i initiate sex most of the time is it possiable men get sick of the same thing or maybe he wants something new?


He might be bored with the status quo. Or he might just have a lower libido than you do. Have you ever considered that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here is a link to a thread that might help you out. It's a long thread so read at least the first couple of pages as they talk about resources that might help you.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/350970-sex-starved-wife.html


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