# Enough is enough



## intothemistik (Feb 29, 2012)

I've been with my husband for 15 years and married for 9. With all the ups and downs every marriage has as well as a bunch of fairly uncommon obstacles, I have finally hit the wall.
We met playing online trivia, me in Australia, him in US. I came to Los Angeles, leaving behind my kids and grand kids, giving up my career, car, everything to be with him. I over stayed my original visa which led to a 5 & 1/2 year wait for a green card, during which time we didn't 'see' each other for over 18 months. 
During that time, I had serious health issues arise including 2 surgeries and a Leukemia diagnosis. Still he did not come to visit me knowing I could not come to the US. 
Now Ive found out that as far back as 2005 (the year we married), he's joined various dating/singles sites.
I went back home last December returning to L.A. in March. In that time he joined other sites stating he was divorced. I hacked into his email and found replies/responses to personal ads on Craigslist, sent/received is January.
He is totally financially responsible for me while I'm here. I have 3 chronic illnesses so can't work. I brought money with me from home so I could get myself a small car, all to no avail. Not once did he try to help me purchase one. There is no public transport near me so I couldn't go anywhere my self. I have to tell him when my/our bank account is low so he'll add money even though he never shows me his back accounts. 
I am here, alone, staying in the bedroom of our apartment because that's where the TV is, with no friends, no job, no transport, no money of my own ( I sent the money I brought with me back home to protect it). And now I find out he's been doing all this, for soo long, as soon as my back is turned.
I'm done, I tried to tell him. Even showed him one of the webpages with his profile and he said "Someone must have put it on there" not him of course. I'm not an idiot but I sure have been acting like one. I won't be showing him the others,because of his temper until I get back home (flying out tomorrow pm) and I will not be coming back. I kept giving him chances, even told him 2 weeks ago, I know things so if there's anything you want to tell me, now is the time. He just says "like what? I don't have anything to tell". It's just not worth it....
sorry for the rant, but I had to vent....hopefully, my blindness will help someone else see...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You are a mother that left her kids for someone you met online and really knew nothing about. People amaze me.


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## DualvansMommy (Jul 27, 2014)

Sorry but that's the height of stupidity. Leaving your kids, assets behind for a relative unknown and now you act surprised he's doing all that? Do yourself a favor, file for D and go back home to begin living the life you should have been living all those years.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

intothemistik said:


> I've been with my husband for 15 years and married for 9. With all the ups and downs every marriage has as well as a bunch of fairly uncommon obstacles, I have finally hit the wall.
> We met playing online trivia, me in Australia, him in US. I came to Los Angeles, leaving behind my kids and grand kids, giving up my career, car, everything to be with him.


First off I'm really sorry for all of your health problems and I hope you improve soon. And I don't blame you for being done with him. Clearly he is a loser.

We see this story quite a bit in various forms - meeting through online games. Often it is affair partners that meet this way. In your case I assume you were divorced or widowed already when you met him.

I'm trying to understand the mentality of WHY a career woman would fall in love with a stranger and leave everything - including career and family - and move 9000 miles away to be with a man you met online. You knew nothing about him, beyond what he told you. Still, beyond that, you still returned to him after not seeing him for 5 years while you were ill. This should have told you everything here, but still you returned to him and married him. What was the appeal here? Was it the things he said and promised? Other things?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

In her defense it seems obvious that her children are Adults with kids of their own.. I see nothing wrong with that.

She took a chance and it fell through.. 

I always fall back on my situation and my good friends..

My friend meets his wife on Match.dot.com and after 8 months they decided they love each other and want to get married. 2 months later she is pregnant. They get married and are together today for longer than I was married. 

Me.. I meet my wife from a friend. I wait 2 MONTHS while she breaks up with her boyfriend the right way *( WTF is the right why and why does it take 2 months I will never know. Mind you this is a man she emailed to hook up with during our marriage and had a substance problem when they were together )*.. 

And yes it does sound stupid now as I type it and I didn't see it then.

Nonetheless, We dated 5 years.. I encouraged and supported her to go college after dating 3 years. *( she was a HS dropout )*.. She could have left ( and hindshight should have ) me after graduating after me flipping the bill.

Again I worked 3 jobs during that time.. 1 full time Cop, 2 part time security jobs.. I paid for her school, clothing and saved 25k for a wedding plus a honeymoon. 

So after 5 years of dating and 2 kids and 4 attempted or successful affairs *( could be more )* and 20 years of my life. My Ex wife leaves me for some utter loser. I am not saying it because I am bitter, I'm beyond that at this point. But it is just simple truth.. The man is lacking in so many ways.. 

But again nonetheless, all my planning and figuring sh1t out my career choices and sacrifices meant absolutely sh1t in the end..

There just is not a safe way to do this relationship stuff.. There just is NOTHING to make this stuff affair proof or make people loyal and moral. 

Trust me I wish there was, I would buy it, read it, have that surgery, drink that potion or cast that spell. Whatever it took.

BTW, my friend above had another child a few years into his marriage. I got him into my unit years ago. He is now retired and hopefully will be my boss in a few months.. 

My in-laws or Ex in-laws met and were married 1 year after being together. They are married 50 years or so.. 

Again sometimes you just have to take the risk and hopefully find happiness. 

Sorry this has happen to you.. At least you're smart enough to move on.. Moving back home will be the quickest way to heal for you from this. Out of sight, out of mind..


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> Me.. I meet my wife from a friend. I wait 2 MONTHS while she breaks up with her boyfriend the right way *(WTF is the right why and why does it take 2 months I will never know. Mind you this is a man she emailed to hook up with during our marriage and had a substance problem when they were together )*..
> 
> And yes it does sound stupid now as I type it and I didn't see it then.


Don't beat yourself up too much. My situation was sort of similar to yours in that regard. HUGE red flag in hindsight as it clearly demonstrates unresolved detachment issues with an ex. What did I know? I was just a dumb 21 kid at the time. Life and learn.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> First off I'm really sorry for all of your health problems and I hope you improve soon. And I don't blame you for being done with him. Clearly he is a loser.
> 
> We see this story quite a bit in various forms - meeting through online games. Often it is affair partners that meet this way. In your case I assume you were divorced or widowed already when you met him.
> 
> ...


A big amen. 

She considered his sweet words, but never looked at his actions which tell all.


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