# depressed spouse help



## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

I need stories of people who have lived with a depressed spouse...my h is depressed...I have been telling him for months, but finally or therapist agreed with me, he finally agreed to get on antidepressents! I am so happy. He is a great h, butq has been so clouded by his depression...anyone have success stories with depression?
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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Meds alone will allow some improvement. But it is a battle to completely turn the corner on depression. Success stories for depression aren't that prolific because depression is experienced in a very individualized way. Cognitive behavioral therapy works best with depression because it provides tools to change the perception and thinking process.

Good luck to you and your husband!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It's not as simple as getting on pills. Everyone's depression is different and careful evaluation is required. The better the evaluation, the better the chances are for successful outcomes.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

As others have said "pills are only part of the answer".

I do some voluntary work with a UK military charity that works with amongst others those who suffer from PTSD. You also need right minded people around you who can help you talk about / come to terms with your mental frailties.

Mission Motorsport


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

We are in MC and IC, so I totally get that, but at this point along with continues therapy, he needs something... and maybe so do I, but it is a dark place he just can't get out of on his own.

We did a trail seperation and it was hard, but he quickly realized it wasn't "ME" that was making him unhappy, he was still unhappy without me, too, but he needs that cloud that is lingering over him to be wiped away and hopefully with the right medication that will help him!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Meds help but what gets most people are the side affects. Weight gain/loss, loss of libido, insomnia/sleep too much, something. 

The best method is therapy WITH meds.

I beat depression without meds but I wanted it BAD. I fought hard to find joy without a pill.

Not against them I just couldn't handle the side affects.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Meds help but what gets most people are the side affects. Weight gain/loss, loss of libido, insomnia/sleep too much, something.
> 
> The best method is therapy WITH meds.
> 
> ...


And that's the rub with depression. Some people are able to fight HARD because they hate being depressed more then they hate the hard work to not be depressed. 

Bravo Mavash!


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## stilllookingup (Oct 29, 2012)

I don't know anything about anti-dep meds but I've seen on these marriage boards that the side effects sometimes bring the worst of them. I've read some people's spouses actually fell out of love because of one of the known side effects. Just like others say, side efffects are really scary. Read up on the subject and hope your H's Dr will monitor him carefully and he'll get just the right amount of meds he only needs.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I am the depressed spouse in our relationship. It's always hidden below the surface, but it really started to get bad in 2008. That took a major toll on our relationship. We started to drift apart, and she made some, let's call them, 'poor choices', which really sent me off the deep end. The past year has been hell for me. I'm resisting the advice from my therapist and doctor to start on SSRI's as I'm afraid of the side effects more than I'm afraid of my depression. 

I'm PTSD from childhood issues, and the relationship issues over the last year resurfaced that. I'm working through that in psychotherapy and hoping that between that and exercise I can keep the depression under control. So far I am eating, sleeping and maintaining my job. I don't always 'feel' like doing things, but I do them anyway because they need to get done. 

I was very against therapists early in our marriage. Mainly because that didn't work for my parents, so I didn't think they worked. But we have found a good office with good therapists and I'm glad I've started going. I think more than anything, getting good help is important in dealing with depression.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

My exH and I have both battled depression since we were teens. He is currently on disability officially for depression and OCD, though he exhibits many strong personality disorder traits, too -- just saying that for full disclosure. So, between the two of us, I've dealt with depression in marriage from both sides. 

One thing many people don't realize is that other health issues can have depression as a symptom. Just as PMS, perimenopause and menopause can include depression for women, low testosterone can do the same for men. Low thyroid can also manifest itself in depression. Taking an anti-depressant will not do anything to treat these underlying causes, for example.

What I always recommend is for diagnosed people and their spouses to become educated and pro-active in their care. Sometimes, unfortunately, doctors have a few favorite drugs up their sleeves, and if you don't improve, they get frustrated. Same with psychotherapists and their treatments. If things aren't getting better, keep pushing. Change doctors, change therapists, and most of all, do your own research. We are so lucky to live when we do, when there is so much information available to any of us with an internet connection. 

There is a lot at stake, and unfortunately, there are still a lot of health care providers who do not want to think their patients and patients' families have brains. But we do.

Good luck. 

I have recommended this book and blog a lot on TAM.

Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond: Anne Sheffield: 9780060009342: Amazon.com: Books

or its older edition

Amazon.com: How You Can Survive When They're Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression Fallout (9780609804155): Anne Sheffield, Mike Wallace, Donald F. Klein: Books

This blog has some very good insights from a man recovering from deep depression:

Relationships in Crisis - Storied Mind


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

angelpixie said:


> My exH and I have both battled depression since we were teens. He is currently on disability officially for depression and OCD, though he exhibits many strong personality disorder traits, too -- just saying that for full disclosure. So, between the two of us, I've dealt with depression in marriage from both sides.
> 
> *One thing many people don't realize is that other health issues can have depression as a symptom. Just as PMS, perimenopause and menopause can include depression for women, low testosterone can do the same for men. Low thyroid can also manifest itself in depression. Taking an anti-depressant will not do anything to treat these underlying causes, for example.
> 
> ...



:iagree:

Brilliant post!


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