# Wait and see or confront?



## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

So, I'm totally spiraling right now. I check my husband's phone occasionally and never really find anything unexpected until a few days ago. My husband is a straight man (as far as I know) who likes T-girls. T-girls as far as I can tell are transsexual women with breasts and penises who are more fetishized than romanticized. What I mean is at least for him it feels more like a fetish than a romantic preference. 

Anyhow, I've know this for some time and know he has had some sexual experiences with them, before our relationship. That doesn't bother me in the least. We don't really talk about it but I have told him in the past on several occasions that if he needs to explore that more yo come to me openly and honestly and we'll possibly make arrangements or maybe I could buy a strap on or something.

Well, when I looked at his phone there was a search history for local casual encounters t4m. The baby and I will be going yo visit family next month and it seems like he's looking for a hookup during that time. I know if i confront him he'll just say he's browsing or looking, like porn. So I downloaded this Wenatcher app and am just waiting for the right time to download it on his phone. I really want to know more before I confront him. Am I crazy that part of me wants him do yo do the act and be armed with proof?

The other part of this is, if he does cheat with this tgirl I could never tell anyone. Although I don't see anything wrong with the act itself I wouldn't ever want to "out" him. 

I'm just looking for any advice from anyone who may have been through somwthing similar please no judgements about the type of arrangement he is seeking. Thank you.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Don't confront yet, he'll just go underground and you'll never get proof. Right now he's being sloppy, see how far he's going with it. He could just be arranging it for the thrill and not planning to go through with it. That's not OK, but it's a different situation than actually having gay sex when married.

If he's having sex with transsexual hookers you need to be very careful, I don't care if it's not PC, you're looking at a much higher rate of HIV infection and other STDs'.

The fact that you entertain this, are willing to peg the dude, and would still worry about outing him shows you're a very good person and understanding wife. He should treat you much better.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

How can you be ok with him being into transsexuals? You do realize that is a conflict of interest. He has probably already done this and will do it again.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Cheating is cheating. He is planning on cheating, call him out on it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Herschel said:


> How can you be ok with him being into transsexuals? You do realize that is a conflict of interest. He has probably already done this and will do it again.


It's possible to like both cake and pie. I don't think being into transsexuals is an issue so long as he's also into his wife. The problem is that he's trying to commit adultery behind his wife's back and they have a baby together, no less!

I wouldn't confront. I'd act like everything is fine and go into full investigation mode.


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

I've got my own fantasies and have had some non-traditional encounters myself. Like I said before it's definitely not the act. It's the dishonesty, especially when he has no reason to hide it from me, other than he doesn't respect me or our commitment to each other. I'm pretty ****ing awesome.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Do not confront right now, I repeat do not confront! With every part of you, I know you want to confront and be angry and hope he tells you something that makes you feel better but you aren't ready to confront. Get the evidence, whether it's for your own good, evidence to shock him and make him come clean or for the worst if you decide to move on. Either way, you need that evidence. I thought having all of the evidence in my head was good enough because I am an honest guy and most everyone takes my word for it but there have been instances where people still doubt what I say because it's so against what they believe my spouse to be. Evidence will hurt to look at, you just want it all to go away but YOU need it and you need as much proof as possible that confirms actions.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Herschel said:


> How can you be ok with him being into transsexuals? You do realize that is a conflict of interest. He has probably already done this and will do it again.


It's the lies and intent to cheat that is the issue here, not who it is done with.

That said, SAHM89, what are you wanting as the outcome here? Let's assume for a minute that he has actually cheated, because given the nature of his fetish, it is already well hidden and it's entirely possible that he has cheated and you just don't know it yet. Do you want to try and work through it and reconcile, or end the marriage? Overall, what shape is the marriage in? Are your needs being met? Is the marriage worth it to you?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> It's possible to like both cake and pie. I don't think being into transsexuals is an issue so long as he's also into his wife. The problem is that he's trying to commit adultery behind his wife's back and they have a baby together, no less!
> 
> I wouldn't confront. I'd act like everything is fine and go into full investigation mode.


So he is supposed to repress something his entire life? Come on man, this always comes out.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

stillfightingforus said:


> Do not confront right now, I repeat do not confront! With every part of you, I know you want to confront and be angry and hope he tells you something that makes you feel better but you aren't ready to confront. Get the evidence, whether it's for your own good, evidence to shock him and make him come clean or for the worst if you decide to move on. Either way, you need that evidence. *I thought having all of the evidence in my head was good enough because I am an honest guy and most everyone takes my word for it but there have been instances where people still doubt what I say because it's so against what they believe my spouse to be*. Evidence will hurt to look at, you just want it all to go away but YOU need it and you need as much proof as possible that confirms actions.


Unless it is going to be materially beneficial, the only one who has to believe anything and be convinced is the betrayed. I mean seriously, so what if others doubt you? They are not the ones having to life with it all. If others are going to hold your decision to divorce for your own reasons against you because you haven't convinced them well enough, then are they really people you need in your life anyway?


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

My instincts tell me to at least wait until I see him make plans or have proof that something more than browsing has happened. I'm so sad because I just spent $130 on spy software which we totally can not afford and so I'm pissed beyond belief at him for that and I'm terribly bad at hiding that something wrong. I can not get away with PMS for a month. Geeze, sounds like you've had a tough time of it too. Thanks for reponding.


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## Whoslaughingnow (Nov 16, 2017)

My thought on this is just ask yourself.. do you really want to give him the rope to hang himself? He's kinda dangling now but if you address it now in a non confronting way.. like "I've been worried about this or that.." not full on I saw stuff on your phone.. it may bring him back to reality and be like oh jeez what was I about to do... everyone is capable of crazy stuff esp. If their under stress or big life changes ie baby, new job.. he may have just been browsing for fun.. idk if that is already a crossed line for you, if so.. play it out like the others say but it's likely only going to get you what you fear. If you can deal with the browsing & don't want him to start really hiding things, confront but in a sensitive way. Good luck


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

Honestly, I just want him to be honest with me, talk to me about it. I've given him plenty of opportunity to open up dialogue. He's not a big talker and that's ok, unless there is something to talk about! I don't want to live with secrets and lies. I could be ok with almost anything as long as we're in it together. I'm not sure what I want until I see that it's happened. Our sex life isn't that great right now. I've been the heaviest I've been in my life the last two years after sustaining multiple injuries and having the baby. But I'm working hard to fix that. On an ironic note we just went to a relationship workshop yesterday. Pretty sure it didn't make a difference it ekese he would have co.e home and confessed. I don't think he has cheated yet. He has had very little to no opportu ity. We do everything together and he works very close to home.


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## Whoslaughingnow (Nov 16, 2017)

SAHM89 said:


> Honestly, I just want him to be honest with me, talk to me about it. I've given him plenty of opportunity to open up dialogue. He's not a big talker and that's ok, unless there is something to talk about! I don't want to live with secrets and lies. I could be ok with almost anything as long as we're in it together. I'm not sure what I want until I see that it's happened. Our sex life isn't that great right now. I've been the heaviest I've been in my life the last two years after sustaining multiple injuries and having the baby. But I'm working hard to fix that. On an ironic note we just went to a relationship workshop yesterday. Pretty sure it didn't make a difference it ekese he would have co.e home and confessed. I don't think he has cheated yet. He has had very little to no opportu ity. We do everything together and he works very close to home.


Take control of the situation, if he truly hasn't done anything yet and your willing to explore stuff.. buy that strap on or something equally as kinky that yu both would be into.. so what you've put on some weight or had a baby, remind him and yourself it's OK to make time for each other and that he doesn't need anything more in his life but you...
Of course only venture as far as you're willing to live with if this situation still ultimately goes south. TALK... make him talk with you.. men are funny creatures but they certainly can open up.
Sometimes I think we get crazy on the PI track,and certainly some situations call for that.. I've been there. He may not actually want to go thru with it. Or he may.. but I think communication is what you both need right now.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SAHM89 said:


> Honestly, I just want him to be honest with me, talk to me about it. I've given him plenty of opportunity to open up dialogue. He's not a big talker and that's ok, unless there is something to talk about! I don't want to live with secrets and lies. I could be ok with almost anything as long as we're in it together. I'm not sure what I want until I see that it's happened. Our sex life isn't that great right now. I've been the heaviest I've been in my life the last two years after sustaining multiple injuries and having the baby. But I'm working hard to fix that. On an ironic note we just went to a relationship workshop yesterday. Pretty sure it didn't make a difference it ekese he would have co.e home and confessed.* I don't think he has cheated yet. He has had very little to no opportu ity. We do everything together and he works very close to home*.


He very well may not have cheated yet, but just because has very little opportunity that you see, people do find was of indulging when they want to.

It is pretty clear at the very least that he is looking to cheat. Sure, if you confront, he'll pass it off as just harmless fun, that he would never actually go through with it, that he is so sorry, that he'll never do it again. He will likely try and put at least some of this back on you and how he sees the marriage.

With regards to the last bit there, putting it back on you and the marriage, that's never an excuse to cheat. If he has problems with you or the relationship, he needs to talk to you. It already sounds like you have reached out to him, tried to communicate your concerns, and he hasn't really been too forthcoming. Aside from the slumping sex life, what other issues are you having? Do you feel as if he is working on improving your sex life and other issues in your marriage along with you? Or is he leaving that up to you?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

SAHM, post an add on the site wearing a strap on. Reach out to him specifically. Then wait for the response.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So... he likes to have sexual fantasies about with penises. But he is totally straight.

Really?

Do not confront, gather Intel.


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

Sex and intimacy are our only issues right now, which is completely inside the realm of normal for having an infant. My worry is that this is so.ething he has wanted to do for a long time and is finally getting to when I go on my trip. He is not pro-active in regards to these issues, just reactionary and temporarily when I reiterate the issuez. Example: a few weeks ago I brought my concern about our physical closeness. Within a few days he gave me a good massage and we had great sex but since then........chirp. For the last two years I've really been the only one to instigate other than when we were trying to conceive. We get along wonderfully and have so much fun together. It's almost like he's got some sort of physical emotional/communication block.


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> SAHM, post an add on the site wearing a strap on. Reach out to him specifically. Then wait for the response.


Hmmmm. Considering. I really don't he wants to explore that with me. Why else would he rebuff my other inquiries. Not like we haven't had other bedroom adventure.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Whoslaughingnow said:


> My thought on this is just ask yourself.. do you really want to give him the rope to hang himself? He's kinda dangling now but if you address it now in a non confronting way.. like "I've been worried about this or that.." not full on I saw stuff on your phone.. it may bring him back to reality and be like oh jeez what was I about to do... everyone is capable of crazy stuff esp. If their under stress or big life changes ie baby, new job.. he may have just been browsing for fun.. idk if that is already a crossed line for you, if so.. play it out like the others say but it's likely only going to get you what you fear. If you can deal with the browsing & don't want him to start really hiding things, confront but in a sensitive way. Good luck


would totally force him to go underground. And yes, he needs the rope to hang himself, to prevent it would be codependent.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SAHM89 said:


> Sex and intimacy are our only issues right now, which is completely inside the realm of normal for having an infant. My worry is that this is so.ething he has wanted to do for a long time and is finally getting to when I go on my trip. He is not pro-active in regards to these issues, just reactionary and temporarily when I reiterate the issuez. Example: a few weeks ago I brought my concern about our physical closeness. Within a few days he gave me a good massage and we had great sex but since then........chirp. For the last two years I've really been the only one to instigate other than when we were trying to conceive. We get along wonderfully and have so much fun together. *It's almost like he's got some sort of physical emotional/communication block.*


I think you need to really consider your gut feeling here. As difficult as is would be to hear, deal with, and accept, there is a possibility he may just not be into women. Whew, that is a toughy, and is going to be extremely difficult to work with going forward.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

SAHM89 said:


> Example: a few weeks ago I brought my concern about our physical closeness. Within a few days he gave me a good massage and we had great sex but since then........chirp. For the last two years I've really been the only one to instigate other than when we were trying to conceive. We get along wonderfully and have so much fun together. It's almost like he's got some sort of physical emotional/communication block.



Maybe you're just not really his type? 

He's planning on cheating. Most likely, he's already done it because what are the chances that you catch him the VERY FIRST time he tried to cheat?! Cheating usually goes on for some time before they're caught. I don't care who he's cheating with; it doesn't matter. If it were me, I'd sit back and pretend like everything is normal. But hire a PI (a professional one, not your cousin Joe) and get hard evidence to present to him with the divorce papers.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

SAHM,

You could also hire one of the prostitutes, say that it's a secret present for your H, and set up a sting in a motel.

If he shows up you have your answer.

Tamat


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

SAHM89 said:


> Sex and intimacy are our only issues right now, which is completely inside the realm of normal for having an infant. My worry is that this is so.ething he has wanted to do for a long time and is finally getting to when I go on my trip. He is not pro-active in regards to these issues, just reactionary and temporarily when I reiterate the issuez. Example: a few weeks ago I brought my concern about our physical closeness. Within a few days he gave me a good massage and we had great sex but since then........chirp. *For the last two years I've really been the only one to instigate other than when we were trying to conceive*. We get along wonderfully and have so much fun together. It's almost like he's got *some sort of physical emotional/communication block.*





SAHM89 said:


> Hmmmm. Considering. I really don't he wants to explore that with me. *Why else would he rebuff my other inquiries. Not like we haven't had other bedroom adventure.*


You sound like a fabulous together woman who is in a mind boggling situation. 

My advice may be a little different, but it is an option. If you were my friend, I would advise you to sit down and talk to your husband. Talk to him about several topics.

Share with him that you are feeling he has become a bit distant over the past 2 years. Tell him you have read up on the whole Madonna-Wh*re complex thing. You understand that in his eyes, you now be the mother of his child and the Madonna, but you want to still be his lover and his exclusive lover. Tell him that you want the two of you to work on rebuilding your sexual relationship.

Then I would tell him that you need him to be honest and faithful to you and your marriage. Tell him that you suspect he is contemplating an out-of-marriage affair of some form, without going into specifics. Tell him that you will do any kind of role playing with him, to satisfy his "itch" so that the two of you can strengthen your sexual connection to each other. Tell him you have a "strap on" and a "pink haired wig" and if he want to pretend you are some transsexual he has picked up, you will play that game with him, but he better be careful as you will F his balls off and brains out.

If that doesn't work, I would suggest that you tell him what you know and the two of you set up some sessions with a sex therapist for after you return from your trip and you tell him he absolutely has to not cheat while you are out of town or else the marriage may be over.

Good luck.


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

TAMAT said:


> SAHM,
> 
> You could also hire one of the prostitutes, say that it's a secret present for your H, and set up a sting in a motel.
> 
> ...


If I had the time and no baby. I would totally do that. I just don't see that working out. Hopefully I get the info I need from the spyware.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Well beyond time to call his deceptive a$$ out on it!*


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

You've told him that he could explore this further BUT to come to you first. He might be too embarrassed to do that. He might be ashamed of these feelings he has but still can't deny them. You could set traps and try to catch him being shady but I don't think he has malice in his heart toward you. This may just be a kink he needs to feed. You seem like a pretty adventurous and open-minded person, would you be willing to be present while he plays with a t-girl? Maybe help him find a safe playmate and watch? I know that "conservative morality" might be horrified by that but at least there would be no dishonesty. Some people might say you could buy a strap-on and try to help but for him that wouldn't be the same. Before he does something dishonestly I think you should approach him about doing it honestly, with you in the loop, possibly in the room. Heck, if the mood hits you, then you in the bed with them. Sometimes we need to think outside the box on these crazy situations life throws at us.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

SAHM89 said:


> Hmmmm. Considering. I really don't he wants to explore that with me. Why else would he rebuff my other inquiries. Not like we haven't had other bedroom adventure.


I mention it so you can catch him replying and then let him know that its not ok for him to plan meetups with others behind your back.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SAHM89 said:


> So, I'm totally spiraling right now. I check my husband's phone occasionally and never really find anything unexpected until a few days ago. My husband is a straight man (as far as I know) who likes T-girls. T-girls as far as I can tell are transsexual women with breasts and penises who are more fetishized than romanticized. What I mean is at least for him it feels more like a fetish than a romantic preference.
> 
> Anyhow, I've know this for some time and know he has had some sexual experiences with them, before our relationship. That doesn't bother me in the least. We don't really talk about it but I have told him in the past on several occasions that if he needs to explore that more yo come to me openly and honestly and we'll possibly make arrangements or maybe I could buy a strap on or something.
> 
> ...


Whether you confront or not, remove yourself from this marriage before you wind up with something that requires a lifetime prescription for anti-retro viral meds.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

This situation is way out of my league, but I guess the question to ponder is “If he has an affair, what will you do about it?” 

Will you Divorce? Or will you just be hurt that he didn’t come to you? Knowing what your response will be will help us advise you better.


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

Spicy said:


> This situation is way out of my league, but I guess the question to ponder is “If he has an affair, what will you do about it?”
> 
> Will you Divorce? Or will you just be hurt that he didn’t come to you? Knowing what your response will be will help us advise you better.


I don't think I could stay with him if he cheated. But especially because I have tried to open dialogue, and action if that's what it takes, on this issue. That being said, my initial response would FOR SURE be separation. My willinhness to work things out would be contingent on some extreme measures, rules, and work on his part. I'm not entirely sure he's capable.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

The way that I see it is whether or not you confront or wait is going to be dependent on what you want for an outcome, what is your end game?

Right now (assumption on my part), he hasn't done anything but look yet, perhaps he has tried to make contact, I don't know. The point being that if the desire is to save the marriage and move forward, I would suggest that the time to confront is now, before the actions have caused irreparable damage. 

You say that you have made yourself available to explore things of this nature in the past, good for you many wives wouldn't. The fact that many wives wouldn't may be what is holding him back from approaching you about this. Perhaps he is afraid of being judged. You could start the conversation and openly expose what you know and tell him again that if that is something he is interested in that you would happily explore it with him. Let him know that you are a safe person to talk to about it and you won't judge. Let him now that you also have some kinks that you would like to explore and if you are both open and honest it could be a way of greatly improving your sex life.

The other option would be continue to wait until the damage piles up, and who knows maybe there is more damage than you know already and it is already beyond repair. Sit tight until you have all the evidence that he has been unfaithful and hit him with the divorce papers. If your end game is to find a reason to divorce this will get you to where you want to go.

It seems clear that the bus is on a collision course, I would suggest that right now the decision is yours whether or not you watch it crash and burn or pull the shoot. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you are or will be at fault for the outcome as it is his actions that have put you both on the path you are on, I'm only saying that you have the opportunity to minimize the damage if you want to try to salvage something.

I don't envy you and I do wish you all the luck in the world. great strength is going to be needed regardless of which path you choose.


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

VermiciousKnid said:


> You've told him that he could explore this further BUT to come to you first. He might be too embarrassed to do that. He might be ashamed of these feelings he has but still can't deny them. You could set traps and try to catch him being shady but I don't think he has malice in his heart toward you. This may just be a kink he needs to feed. You seem like a pretty adventurous and open-minded person, would you be willing to be present while he plays with a t-girl? Maybe help him find a safe playmate and watch? I know that "conservative morality" might be horrified by that but at least there would be no dishonesty. Some people might say you could buy a strap-on and try to help but for him that wouldn't be the same. Before he does something dishonestly I think you should approach him about doing it honestly, with you in the loop, possibly in the room. Heck, if the mood hits you, then you in the bed with them. Sometimes we need to think outside the box on these crazy situations life throws at us.


If I thought that would work, I would do it, AGAIN. i have basically said all of that before. READING everyone's responses and contemplating between poopy diapers and bottles today I am started to feel I'm not who he really wants to be with (in the bedroom). Maybe he just married his best friend thinking he would comply with a hetero life but can't reconcile thus other pull in his life. If that's true I'm sure he's battling with a whole lot of shame and knowing him he'd never admit that to me. Doesn't leave me with a whole lot of options. And even still I can't imagine the daily grind, life, love, and laughter without him.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

SAHM89 said:


> If I thought that would work, I would do it, AGAIN. i have basically said all of that before. READING everyone's responses and contemplating between poopy diapers and bottles today I am started to feel I'm not who he really wants to be with (in the bedroom). Maybe he just married his best friend thinking he would comply with a hetero life but can't reconcile thus other pull in his life. If that's true I'm sure he's battling with a whole lot of shame and knowing him he'd never admit that to me. Doesn't leave me with a whole lot of options. And even still I can't imagine the daily grind, life, love, and laughter without him.



I suspect very much that you've hit it on the head to some degree here. Not regarding the part about whether or not you are what he wants for a partner, but certainly about the shame.

This is why I find myself wondering, if confronted with the evidence that you know what is going on, he would be forced to face that demon so to speak. If that shame only exists because he feels these thoughts and desires won't be accepted. IF he is confronted with the fact that you know and the only damage caused is not because of his desires but because of his lies and deception, it may at least open the line of communication enough that you will get a chance to show your actions will be consistent with your words.

Assuming he hasn't done anything really stupid yet, if you handle this well and help him navigate what I'm sure is a very personal internal struggle, then it could open up a whole new level of communication between the two of you but it will take some very difficult conversation. You will be in the difficult position of having to offer forgiveness in the interest of moving forward in a new direction. The pay off could be a relationship that is better and more fulfilling for both of you.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

SAHM89 said:


> I don't think I could stay with him if he cheated. But especially because I have tried to open dialogue, and action if that's what it takes, on this issue. That being said, my initial response would FOR SURE be separation. My willinhness to work things out would be contingent on some extreme measures, rules, and work on his part. I'm not entirely sure he's capable.


Then...the second you have concrete proof of his intent to cheat, confront him.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

SAHM89 said:


> If I thought that would work, I would do it, AGAIN. i have basically said all of that before. READING everyone's responses and contemplating between poopy diapers and bottles today I am started to feel I'm not who he really wants to be with (in the bedroom). Maybe he just married his best friend thinking he would comply with a hetero life but can't reconcile thus other pull in his life. If that's true I'm sure he's battling with a whole lot of shame and knowing him he'd never admit that to me. Doesn't leave me with a whole lot of options. And even still I can't imagine the daily grind, life, love, and laughter without him.


Hopefully this isn't happening to you. In my first job out of college, I worked with a guy (who had an adult daughter) who was in a relationship with a man. He was over 60. They were about to retire together in Arizona. Gay people do tend to get married to the opposite sex then figure it out later. 

For some reason you hear more about women who dump their husbands for a woman. That scenario seems to be more common. 

If I had to guess, if he likes penis, a strap on is probably not going to be long term solution.

I recommend watching the movie Tangerine. As homophobic as I can be, I didn't hate it. It's an artsy film, filmed in Hollywood. The review I read after the fact said the entire cast came from Craigslist. The reason I mentioned this is the movie shows guys who seek trannys don't just receive. They also give. I mean orally. Pegging and trannys are most likely two different fetishes.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Fetishes don't go away and this will always be a concern that he will act on it.

Call a lawyer.

Or tell him you know hes planning something. If he cheats eres no going back but if yosay hey I cool with it as long as I know.

Although if he negelecting you for this or even pornbthen eventually you will be like this is bull $hit.

Might as well cut your losses.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

SAHM,

You wrote, *I've got my own fantasies and have had some non-traditional encounters myself.*

But did he know about it when you had them, or did he consider your having them cheating on him?

Tamat


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

TAMAT said:


> SAHM,
> 
> You wrote, *I've got my own fantasies and have had some non-traditional encounters myself.*
> 
> ...


Before we were married and yes he knows. I would never go behind his back. I signed up for a partnership of love, honesty, and commitment.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

SAHM,

The risks of STDs are very high if he is seeing prostitutes and possibly higher if they are tran, so please figure out what is going on before you have sex with your H again.

https://www.hivplusmag.com/case-stu...men-why-transgender-women-are-hit-so-hard-hiv

You wrote, *Before we were married and yes he knows.* , I would guess that means also before you dated him. 

Tamat


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## SAHM89 (Nov 17, 2017)

So, thank you everyone for your sage advice. This is the only way I would ever be able to talk this out with anyone, except for, hopefully, my husband. I was able to get the software on the phone. Now I'll just sit back and wait looking for concrete evidence of his intent to act on these urges. Next month he will be away with me and the baby for the first half of my vacation, 5 days. If he hasn't worked on making plans by then I plan on confronting him about looking at phone and offering him a night, w me in the room and with my help, no prostitutes, won't risk those ramifications, and just ewe , to find the right person. If I find the intent or it happens later we are having one of those earth shattering end of days talks. Get with the program or walk your ass straight out of my life.
It's either WITH me or WITHOUT me for GOOD!


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