# wife still dependant on parents



## marrieddude1 (Oct 1, 2010)

i've maintained steady employment my whole adult life, and all through our three year marriage. there was a time when i was laid off and had to collect unemployment, but i found another job eventually and it's always been clear that maintaining employment was very important to me. 

unfortunately, my wife was not raised this way. her parents were drinking and smoking pot around her as a child, which probably contributed to her early drug abuse problems in adulthood. her parents are doing well financially since then, and probably feel guilty about how things turned out in the past, so her mother still gives her money and will basically buy her anything she wants.

in her whole life she has never been able to keep a job for any extended period of time. with solely my income, we could get by but it's not the type of lifestyle she would want to live. so her mother steps in and pays her bills.

what bothers me is that we live in two seperate worlds. i buy groceries and pay bills out of my own blood, sweat, and tears, and she just calls her mom to pay half the rent (her only responsibility). i wake up and go to sleep every day worrying about money, and how we're going to survive, but she just calls her mother to take care of her minimum obligations and goes on with her day.

i'm worried that the influence of her mother and her mother's money is keeping her in a cycle of laziness, robbing her of motivation to get a full-time job for the sake of our personal well-being, and encouraging her to do the bare minimum necessary to maintain our current low-budget life (we have no kids and live in an apartment) as opposed to moving forward and buying a house, having kids etc. of course, it's not solely her mother that is to blame; my wife and her lack of motivation is also culpable in bringing us to the point we're at now.

some other "lazy wife" posts were eerily similar to my story. just like a lot of husbands that have posted here, i drive a beat up chevy s10 to work, while she has a nice car that her parents gave her and pay to maintain. no matter how diplomatically i bring up my money worries, she goes berserk when i bring up the subject of employment. she won't keep the house nearly clean enough to justify staying at home with no job.

most of you guys who have similar stories to mine have been married for much longer than i have, and have kids and property to complicate the deal even more. i shudder to think of what our home would be like if we had children. we fight regularly. she has abuse issues and can get very violent. i've never cheated on her, hit her, or called her a *****, but she has come at me with hammers, bottles, or anything else that was around and i've had to wrestle her to the ground to subdue her long enough for her to stop foaming at the mouth. i'm not proud of screaming at my wife or taking her down, but i feel i have to defend myself somehow.

the latest news is that our basement flooded in a recent storm. there was serious water damage to the carpets and drywall, so the landlord is letting us stay in the adjacent apartment rent-free for at least the next month or two while the place gets renovated. it's starting to look very tempting to me to use this down time to keep my money that i would have normally spent on rent/bills and use it to move out on my own.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You owe it to her to tell her the truth - that her choice in this matter is driving you to consider separation. Then offer to sit down with her and find a joint solution.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

She is abusive to you, does not contribute as a grown up in any way. You have no kids (keep it that way!). You are with her... why, exactly?


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## WriterGuy (Oct 18, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> She is abusive to you, does not contribute as a grown up in any way. You have no kids (keep it that way!). You are with her... why, exactly?


My thoughts exactly . . .


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

I've been there , and done what you are going through with an ex girlfriend. Get out of this situation. Getting into a physical confrontation with a woman is a no win proposition for any man, and a lot of them know this and use it to their advantage. As a man, she can do pretty much what she wants to you physically, and if you defend yourself as you should, you can wind up arrested. It happened to me. Women who act like that have learned they can get away with it in this way. Bail out as fast as ya can.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Ask yourself why you are allowing yourself to be abused. 
Do you really want to be married to an overgrown baby, who lives off of her parents?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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