# Unsettling dreams



## fertileground (Sep 22, 2012)

Hi all, 
I am going through the process of divorce, having been separated for over two years. It has been a long road for me, as I was in complete denial for a long time. I feel like I am beginning to be in a good place, not thinking about him a lot during the day, and just living my life.
Having said that, the last month I have had frequent dreams at night, where I go back into our home, and see how things are different. And, in many of the dreams, I end up in an argument with his POS girlfriend who is living there. I have not actually met her in person, but she shows up in my dreams.
Has this happened to any of you? Just when I start feeling like I am moving on, I start having these dreams. Is it because the divorce isn't final yet? Am I not over it? :scratchhead:


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Dream sounds like you don't have complete closure as of yet. If you find yourself wandering back to your home...it may reflect not having fully moved onto a new life. Seeing the OW may be a result of lack of closure AND particularly, a powerlessness you may have felt in losing H to her...another hurdle to processing and moving on.

It doesn't mean you have to face her to move on, it may mean you have more to just accept and let go...and to start living your new life!


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Also,, do you have other stressors,, impending D court, job related stuff, on/off medications,,, anything interfering with your sleep?

People who sleep well then get woken by alarm clocks don't spend a lot of time in light (REM) sleep. More often than not their dreams will be 'bizarre' and they'll struggle to remember them.

When you spend a lot of time in light sleep,, your conscious brain is like a TV on stand-by rather than off. So, it'll pull up real world concerns and store them in a half-awake kinda way. Hence, instead of 'bizarre', you get real world people, locations, events (etc) that're merely not quite right. Because these dreams will be more linear (A to B to C to,,) they're easier to remember,, especially to a semi-awake memory centre.

You say when you're awake you're still thinking about him/them but it's getting better. So, I wouldn't worry about the dreams too much. It's all completely 'normal'.

If you're getting tired when you're awake,, especially if you've taken to grabbing naps and/or dozing in front of the TV,, that'd indicate a typical light sleeper,, and a dreamer.

If you're doing that,, get up and wake yourself up if you're nodding off,, and aim for one GOOD sleep.

Identify stressors and if you do and can't avoid them until they're dealt with,, maybe ask your GP for a mild, short acting sleeping pill just to get you to sleep.

Otherwise,, if you're managing day to day to your own satisfaction,, the dreaming isn't worth fretting about. It's just a sluggish brain doing what you'd have it doing when you're awake. Harmless,, maybe even helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SingleDadof2 (Mar 9, 2015)

A recurring dream in the form of a nightmare can be related to psychological issues like stress. I noticed you referred to her as POS girlfriend. You may be comfortable with him out of your life, but not ready to see him happy with someone else quite yet. Just my two cents.


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## fertileground (Sep 22, 2012)

Thanks for your messages. My life is quite stressful- my job is often crazy, I have 2 teens who are with me, the oldest who has severe depression, the other one busy with getting ready for college, and the divorce. All of those put responsibilities on me. 
As to the girlfriend, I have been ticked off. He started dating her immediately when we separated, and I was never told. He moved her in to the house in January, a house that I still legally own, and he never told me or the kids. And she is 18 years younger than he is. So, even though I truly know that he and I don't work, and I truly have no interest in being with him, I guess the lack of honesty and transparency really annoys me. And, to be honest, I think the fact that she is in "my home", where every room is a room that I painted, or picked the wallpaper for, or the tiles, .... Upsets me.
Oh, and Flying Dutchman, I am a very light sleeper.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Yup.

Explains why your dreams are an off-kilter 'movie' of real-world stuff and why you remember them.

Also, you may feel like you have some control over their direction.

All very normal. Just working through real life events.

Nothing to fret about but if they're bugging you cut out any napping and get some sleeping pills. Proper sleep will help you cope better with any stress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

let's go back the previous month when these dreams started, can you think of a trigger that might have set it off in the real world? Our brains have a why of trying to sort out issues while we sleep, trying to processor information from our daily activities, clearly something happen, some new information was acquired last month that has your brain working over time during your sleep cycle...do you have an idea?


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