# Futur bride! And i'm going crazy! Please help.



## Islandgirlmagic (Jun 27, 2020)

Hello, i'm Cindy and i'm 25 years old and i am on the way to get married in one month and i don't know why i'm feeling a little bit anxious most of the time.
The thing is i can't stop asking myself whether we will be happy in marriage. I love my man and i want to have a life with him.. but i am lacking so much confidence in myself that i can't help but ask if we are doing the best thing.
And to addition to that, i have lost my job, i was very attached to my career, before i met my fiancé, it was the most important thing for me.
I have no job and no social life and i must admit that it's making me depressed. And it's also hard for me to leave my parent's house, i have a real relationship with them we are so closed, it's kinda hard for us.
I don't know what to think about all this.
I've never really had real relationships before and then i met this adorable man and he change my life in a better way. I know i love him and i want to be with him forever. I just hope that i will make him happy after being married.
Is it normal to feel like this before the wedding? Is it normal that i'm so nervous and anxious about my futur life? About what we gonna be?

I need some advise from married women! Thanks a lot.


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## m2r2 (Apr 29, 2020)

Hi Cindy
I am not a girl but I have daughter that's 25 and just moved out to live with her boy friend last February. She was more than ready to move out. Even more than her boy friend who is in early thirties. If we go by what this lady says you might have some work to do on your self








How to Know If She's Marriage Material | Suzanne Venker


This article originally appeared in the Washington Examiner. We hear plenty in America about eligible men, or men who are “marriage material.” But what makes a woman “marriage material”? Seems to me this is a more pertinent question since women are the sex that bows out of marriage the most...




www.suzannevenker.com


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Islandgirlmagic said:


> Hello, i'm Cindy and i'm 25 years old and i am on the way to get married in one month and i don't know why i'm feeling a little bit anxious most of the time.
> The thing is i can't stop asking myself whether we will be happy in marriage. I love my man and i want to have a life with him.. but i am lacking so much confidence in myself that i can't help but ask if we are doing the best thing.
> And to addition to that, i have lost my job, i was very attached to my career, before i met my fiancé, it was the most important thing for me.
> I have no job and no social life and i must admit that it's making me depressed. And it's also hard for me to leave my parent's house, i have a real relationship with them we are so closed, it's kinda hard for us.
> ...


How long have you been dating him? Do you have a wedding date set?

One way to get to feel more sure about yourself in respect to marriage is for you to have a good foundation of what makes a good, strong marriage. There are some good books that teach what it takes to build and maintain a good marriage.

The two books by Harley go together.

*Love Busters: Protect Your Marriage by Replacing Love-Busting Patterns with Love-Building Habits* by Willard F. Jr. Harley

*His Needs, Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts* by Willard F. Jr. Harley

Here is another one that is very good as well.

*The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts* by Gary Chapman


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It sounds as if you haven't cut the emotional ties with your parents, and now you have no job you must be entirely dependent on them. Look for another job, make a social life for yourself and your fiancé and move on.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

m2r2 said:


> Hi Cindy
> I am not a girl but I have daughter that's 25 and just moved out to live with her boy friend last February. She was more than ready to move out. Even more than her boy friend who is in early thirties. If we go by what this lady says you might have some work to do on your self
> 
> 
> ...


Wow. That article was incredibly unhelpful and judgmental. Don't marry women who have a broken relationship with their fathers? It's not her fault she's got a dead beat dad and yet, somehow, there's tons of successful marriages and good mothers with a bad dad out there. Whoever wrote this doesn't have a clue what she's talking about but acts like she does because she quoted one statistic and threw together some meaningless anecdotes.

Cindy, listen to Elegirl. Most people aren't really prepared for a long term commitment when they get married not because they're not in love or are overlooking anything. It's simply because most people don't know that marriage takes some work in the long run and it will be much easier for you to navigate it when it happens by reading the books Ele suggested. The knowledge of what you can do to help your marriage stay strong will also give you more confidence. I'd add to her list Dr. John Gottman's "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". 

Aside from that, you may need to work with a counselor or life coach on figuring out how you want your life to go. Do you want a job? Do you want to stay home with the kids? Do you have hobbies and could you find some friends through those? Unhappy people don't make for a good marriage and getting married isn't going to solve your personal problems. In fact, letting your feelings of being isolated and directionless can actually make you more likely to do things that are harmful to your marriage so don't just let these issues go unchecked.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

ummm err uhh
Wait a minute. Hold on. I need some clarification, please. You said a few things that really have me concerned.

But first, I need to know who you are and where you are. You stated " i am on the way to get married in one month." Was that a matter of semantics and means your wedding is coming up in a month, or does it literally mean you are traveling to his home town for your wedding? If the latter, is this an arranged marriage of some sort? Are you of Western culture or are you not? If you're not, then please ignore my comments because I wouldn't want to discourage your culture and traditions.

But if you are, then girl what the heck are you thinking???

Yes, it's normal for a bride to be nervous and anxious. Nothing wrong with that. And although it is very concerning for a young, educated woman to have so little confidence in herself, I have to concede it's really quite common. But as a woman of western culture, it seems almost foreign and more than a little archaic to me that you are so concerned with equating success of your marriage with whether or not you can make him happy.

Here comes the Moonstruck slap in the face.....
.....*SNAP OUT Of IT!!!*

He won't be the only important person in your marriage. Your happiness is of equal importance. You are just as valuable as he is. So I wish you had added that you hope he will make you happy after marriage too. What concerns me is you tell us of your lack of confidence and then the importance you placed on your duty as his wife with no thought of his duty as your husband. I was 17 when I married the first time (stupid as I was) and at 19, I was on my way to divorce because I wasn't happy with him. As such, whether I made him happy was of little concern to me. But I didn't exclude myself from the happiness equation to start with.

I hope you will work on your confidence, or you will rely way too heavily on him for your emotional well being and try too hard to please him. That's a definite recipe for disaster because people cannot handle that kind of power over another human being. It's the kind of thing that easily turns into abuse. No, I'm not trying to make you fear your husband will abuse you. I'm trying to tell you that lack of confidence is easily detected and people, particularly romantic partners, find it unattractive. No one likes being leaned on so heavily, and nobody handles that kind of adoration and importance very well. It fosters unkindness. And, honestly, it's just a bad idea to love a man more than you love yourself.

Know who you are. Know that you have worth. Start thinking of yourself and know that your obligations are no heavier than his. Set the standard that he has to make you happy too. Require that of him, or he'll find it too difficult to respect you.

It doesn't matter where you are or your culture and traditions or if you climbed from under a rock on mars. You've decided to get married and no one is going to tell you any different. But, if you're going to read relationship self-help books that people suggest, then require that he read them too. He's not more important than you, and responsibility for the marriage doesn't fall on your shoulders alone. You can't create a successful marriage by yourself. It takes both of you to build and maintain a good foundation.

Congratulations on your impending nuptials!
Congratulations on your soon-to-be gigantic sense of self-worth!
WOOHOO!


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## Islandgirlmagic (Jun 27, 2020)

Hello everyone and i thank you all for those replies. It has been very helpful for me to read all kinds of perspectives about my upcoming wedding.. and yes the date is settle for 1st August.. and no it's not arranged mariage or whatsoever. We are truly in love with each other and trust me he is really a good guy. He really understands and supports me a lot actually and i have speak to him openly about my fears and all but i just wanted to know the opinions of woman on this matter. unfortunately i live in a society which is no very open minded and therefore i don't really have a woman which whom i can speak about all this.
I understand that i have to think about myself more and that i need to have more self confidence. This is something i've been working on for sometime now but you know, it's never very easy and i think it has worsen when I've lost my job (because of the coronavirus) and therefore my futur husband ended up paying most of our expenses for our house and wedding. He is not the kind of man to brag about it but i've always pay for my own things and being an independent woman, i was used to being my own boss and all. In everyday life i'm usually bossy and i know some people are often intimidated by me(i was a Travel Experience Manager by the way) And the fact that i now need to rely on a man is hard at some point. And also i'm surrounded by unhappy marriages and this kind of freak me a bit. It scares me because i don't want to be like them.That's why i guess all my insecurities started. So i just hope that me and my man will be able to stay real to each other and trust each other as we do now.


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