# The Wild Oats Project



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Robin Rinaldi Takes A Year Off From Marriage-Wild Oats Project

_"We think it's fair to say that every married gal gets a little antsy on occasion and Robin Rinaldi, author The Wild Oats Project, is no exception. But unlike those of us who simply wonder what it would be like to take a break from our husbands — Rachel and Ross style — Rinaldi actually acted on it. After being hitched to her spouse, Scott Mansfield, for 18 years, she made the critical decision to enter into a year-long open marriage so that she could experience life (and by life we mean sex) with other people..."_

_"She wrote: 'The turning point was hearing from Alden [one of the men she had slept with]. He sent me an e-mail, out of the blue, several months after the project had come to an end. Before long, we were having sex again. Being with him was exquisite. After reconnecting with Alden and falling deeply in love with him, there was no going back."_

These things just mystify me. What did they think would happen? Why not just divorce?

:scratchhead:


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Fvcking STUPID.

Her husband should have told her to fvck off when she approached him.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

_"When asked if she'd recommend this experiment to other married women, Rinaldi told REDBOOK. "Not if they want to stay married."_

:wtf:


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I wonder if that's the book I read last year? Sounds like it. If so, that woman is one of the most selfish b!tches I've ever heard of.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I wonder if the husband hooked up with anyone or just watched while his wife did.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

_ And Mansfield, who has since found a new partner, has been a good sport about her book. He said, "You have to write it. If you write it well, it won't really be about us, it will be about lots of marriages." _

Good sport?

Good lord!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It's interesting how creative people will get to justify cheating and hurting others.  ''Open marriage'' is just notifying your spouse that you're gonna cheat. lol


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

It's actually a great case study in the farce of open marriage. This is a typical ending when people go non-monogamous. What a selfish heartless c*nt.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Here's his side:

'My wife insisted on an open marriage. Reluctantly I agreed' - husband of The Wild Oats author speaks out - Independent.ie

Must be a SF thing, so odd. lol.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

What's interesting to me is that she frames it as an experiment, as if she's doing the world a favor. She is so deep in denial about what kind of person she really is and her (ex) husband is her enabler. I hope he gets a cut of the proceeds from the book at least.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I don't respect anyone who just can't be straight up and say to their partner ''I'm not happy, I want out.'' Instead, let me jump in bed sampling some different people and I'll let you know if I still want to stay with you. lol But he allowed it, so...


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I don't respect anyone who just can't be straight up and say to their partner ''I'm not happy, I want out.'' Instead, let me jump in bed sampling some different people and I'll let you know if I still want to stay with you. lol But he allowed it, so...


Swinging, open marriage, etc. are where one partner has talked the other into auditioning their replacement ... or... both partners are auditioning replacements.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

That's not even really an open marriage. She just TOLD him she was going to sleep with other people and he could like it or lump it. Basically bullied him into 'allowing' it.


----------



## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

I want the two minutes I took to read that back, farsidejunky!!


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Lol!! ^^


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> That's not even really an open marriage. She just TOLD him she was going to sleep with other people and he could like it or lump it. Basically bullied him into 'allowing' it.


Well, he sounds like an urban, progressive, liberal, dude so....


----------



## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

I feel like there could be a Red Pill Theory applied to this somehow. He must've been a Beta male and maybe she "Hyper-Gamied" up to a better man?


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Some of the sites that carry this story said he pretty much had a feeling the marriage would end badly but that he felt he had to give her what she wanted. He told her he would sometimes cry himself to sleep while she was at her apartment sleeping with other men. He threatened to leave her but she cried and begged him to stay, and he backed down. He had a very wild past and she resented the fact that she had only 4 lovers (3 + her exhusband). Basically he's the typical California passive male who had no respect for himself. He wanted to wait it out but we all know that rarely works. She is the staunch feminist who hates Trump, guns, and wanted to find passion at any cost. In the end she threw away her integrity and an 18 year marriage to a decent man for ten male lovers and two female lovers. This started at 44 and she is 50 now, still childless and had to start back on square one in a second marriage to one of her lovers.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Some of the sites that carry this story said he pretty much had a feeling the marriage would end badly but that he felt he had to give her what she wanted. He told her he would sometimes cry himself to sleep while she was at her apartment sleeping with other men. He threatened to leave her but she cried and begged him to stay, and he backed down. He had a very wild past and she resented the fact that she had only 4 lovers (3 + her exhusband). Basically he's the typical California passive male who had no respect for himself. He wanted to wait it out but we all know that rarely works. She is the staunch feminist who hates Trump, guns, and wanted to find passion at any cost. In the end she threw away her integrity and an 18 year marriage to a decent man for ten male lovers and two female lovers. This started at 44 and she is 50 now, still childless and had to start back on square one in a second marriage to one of her lovers.


At the end she admits the new marriage to the one she was so passionate about turned out not to be all that. No sh*t. Oh well, this woman will die alone some day and no one will mourn her. A well-earned end to the story of her life.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I've seen similar stories out there. It's always told in a sympathetic light. The destruction of a long term marriage is seen as a small sacrifice for the woman to "find" herself. A few that I've read had children involved. Same spin is given. Praise for the woman. Nary a word about the kids well being after having their world turned upside down. And the husband barely gets mentioned. When you go to the comments section there are so many feminist women and manginas praising the woman for being so adventures. The few comments that dared challenge the narrative when pretty much shouted down for being narrow minded.

It's these lefty type men who get played out the most. They support the very ideas that end up screwing them over.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Her husband actually did mess around but with just one woman. His ex was upset about the fact it was just one.


----------



## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

I am happily narrow minded.


----------



## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

> I've seen similar stories out there. It's always told in a sympathetic light. The destruction of a long term marriage is seen as a small sacrifice for the woman to "find" herself. A few that I've read had children involved. Same spin is given. Praise for the woman. Nary a word about the kids well being after having their world turned upside down. And the husband barely gets mentioned. When you go to the comments section there are so many feminist women and manginas praising the woman for being so adventures. The few comments that dared challenge the narrative when pretty much shouted down for being narrow minded.
> 
> It's these lefty type men who get played out the most. They support the very ideas that end up screwing them over.


She isn't a cheater, she doesn't have any kids and even if she did, so what?
She told him straight - up she wanted to suck some fresh **** and that's just what she did.
Men do this kind of thing all the time. 

I'm planning on doing exactly this next year but I'm not telling my wife about it. She lost the right to that information when she cheated.

Good for her! And all the proceeds from that best seller, she can retire in Egypt with a whole harem of fresh ****, the old ****! Good for her!


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

The quotes that really bugged me was: 
"I refuse to go to my grave with only 4 lovers & no children "
"Despite years of pleading, he was unwilling to have kids"

Why did she stay with a man for 18 years who clearly didn't want kids? 

How does having sexual encounters make up for not having children? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

higgsb said:


> She isn't a cheater, she doesn't have any kids and even if she did, so what?
> She told him straight - up she wanted to suck some fresh **** and that's just what she did.
> *Men do this kind of thing all the time.*
> 
> ...


We know she didn't have any kids. I was talking about similar stories that I've read that did have kids but you still have commenters like yourself praising her. She didn't technically cheat but she pushed her husband of 18 years into something he didn't want but he was the typical beta male that caved to his wife. 

As for men doing it all the time. I call bull$hit. Most husband are not doing that and to be honest neither are all women. Your comments praising her actions disgust me as do your proclamation that you're going to do the same to your wife.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> The quotes that really bugged me was:
> "I refuse to go to my grave with only 4 lovers & no children "
> "Despite years of pleading, he was unwilling to have kids"
> 
> ...


I think all she is saying is that if she can't have kids, she can at least have some of the fun she didn't get earlier in life. It sounds like their marriage was headed for failure anyway, so this was an experiment where the outcome was fairly predictable. Her husband had his own fun, and was happy for her to write the book, so it seems like it was a win/win result.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

KillerClown said:


> I am happily narrow minded.


Lol. Indeed, me too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

higgsb said:


> She isn't a cheater, she doesn't have any kids and even if she did, so what?
> She told him straight - up she wanted to suck some fresh **** and that's just what she did.
> Men do this kind of thing all the time.
> 
> ...


Uggghhh..... Really, dude? It sounds like you're pissed about her cheating on you and you are able to do that knowing how wrong it is? Weird.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

higgsb said:


> She isn't a cheater, she doesn't have any kids and even if she did, so what?
> She told him straight - up she wanted to suck some fresh **** and that's just what she did.
> Men do this kind of thing all the time.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a narcissist's wet dream.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> The quotes that really bugged me was:
> "I refuse to go to my grave with only 4 lovers & no children "
> "Despite years of pleading, he was unwilling to have kids"
> 
> ...


Maybe she did it to punish her husband for no kids?


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Something I've been noticing about cheaters in general, is that they have a very hard time accepting blame for their actions. ''He didn't give me kids,'' ''He didn't have sex with me,'' ''He didn't love me enough,'' ''She didn't look hot anymore,'' ''She wouldn't let me watch porn.'' 'She wouldn't have sex three times a day with me.'' Whatever, there are endless amounts of excuses these people seem to have, and rarely do they say ''I effed up, there's no one to blame but me for my actions.'' They might be remorseful, but they still blame others for their cheating. *shrug*


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Somebody somewhere is making money off this.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Maybe she did it to punish her husband for no kids?


I do wonder if it was that. 
But if she truly wanted children she would have ended the marriage sooner. 
I understand that you could love someone so much that it wouldn't matter, in that case I'd work on the marriage. 

It didn't state if they did MC or sex therapy before the open thing. 
Obviously communication issues, both of them seem happier now in new relationships. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

becareful2 said:


> Some of the sites that carry this story said he pretty much had a feeling the marriage would end badly but that he felt he had to give her what she wanted. He told her he would sometimes cry himself to sleep while she was at her apartment sleeping with other men. He threatened to leave her but she cried and begged him to stay, and he backed down. He had a very wild past and she resented the fact that she had only 4 lovers (3 + her exhusband). Basically he's the typical California passive male who had no respect for himself. He wanted to wait it out but we all know that rarely works. She is the staunch feminist who hates Trump, guns, and wanted to find passion at any cost. In the end she threw away her integrity and an 18 year marriage to a decent man for ten male lovers and two female lovers. *This started at 44 and she is 50 now*, still childless and had to start back on square one in a second marriage to one of her lovers.


And....there it is. She was deep in the throes of perimenopause. Her hormones were raging and she had a hard time controlling herself. It happens quite often. She was confident enough in her ability to get through whatever happened and, she knew her husband loved her quite a bit, since he'd lived his life before her and chose her over others.

Unfortunately, he did not know what was going on inside her head. She was super horny and needed sex badly. He could not provide what she needed, no matter what he did. 

It's too bad he couldn't find his guts and know he could do it without her and send her divorce papers immediately. 

What an evil thing to do to her husband. I hope he finds someone that he loves more than her and stays with he for the rest of his life. My guess is, he will just stay single. It's too difficult to go through.

He could not do anything about her doing what she wanted, except divorce. There really is nothing else that he could do. She would do these things whether he approved or not, exposed or not, gotten counseling or not. I doubt many counselors would even think she was doing anything wrong. They would likely have found reasons their marriage was a sham and pushed for their divorce.


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> *At the end she admits the new marriage to the one she was so passionate about turned out not to be all that.* No sh*t. Oh well, this woman will die alone some day and no one will mourn her. A well-earned end to the story of her life.


Did you read that from her book, because I didn't see that from the sites I skimmed through. 
Absent any sibling, her family bloodline will end with her. She won't have any children to carry her casket. She won't have much to show for her life relationship wise.


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I think all she is saying is that if she can't have kids, she can at least have some of the fun she didn't get earlier in life. It sounds like their marriage was headed for failure anyway, so this was an experiment where the outcome was fairly predictable. Her husband had his own fun, and was happy for her to write the book, so it seems like it was a win/win result.


There were lots of tears and heartache for both spouses during the open marriage, so where is the win/win in that?


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

When did we as a society get to the point where women can talk about destroying their marriage and taking on male/female lovers with no shame at all? Does anyone look at her and think, "Now, there's a classy, honorable woman?"


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> When did we as a society get to the point where women can talk about destroying their marriage and taking on male/female lovers with no shame at all? Does anyone look at her and think, "Now, there's a classy, honorable woman?"


She probably wasn't sleeping around with classy, honorable men.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

becareful2 said:


> There were lots of tears and heartache for both spouses during the open marriage, so where is the win/win in that?


In that they discovered that they shouldn't be together, and seem to be happier apart.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Even negative attention is still attention.

At the end of the day, her book and her escapades nets her profit, whether that be monetarily or socially. She is on the map. Now we have a post about her here and a bunch of other people have probably picked up her book.

As for her ex husband, he may seem passive about the whole thing but really, what can he do in his position, get mad? He probably realizes that if he were to act irate about it, the whole thing would get even more attention from the masses. By being cool as a cucumber, it actually makes her actions seem more harmful and destructive. You think, "wow, he's not such a bad guy... Why did he deserve such terrible treatment from his ex wife?" It's just a different form of attention that he gets...

The article also expresses this notion that his ex wife would not do anything intentionally harmful to him. They quoted the ex husband as saying as much. Her actions kind of speak for themselves, but I guess the moral of their story is, don't be a boring lay or you'll get replaced.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Something I've been noticing about cheaters in general, is that they have a very hard time accepting blame for their actions. ''He didn't give me kids,'' ''He didn't have sex with me,'' ''He didn't love me enough,'' ''She didn't look hot anymore,'' ''She wouldn't let me watch porn.'' 'She wouldn't have sex three times a day with me.'' Whatever, there are endless amounts of excuses these people seem to have, and rarely do they say ''I effed up, there's no one to blame but me for my actions.'' They might be remorseful, but they still blame others for their cheating. *shrug*


This POS author (of the book about her wonderful experiences cheating) triggered me hard because the theme of my wife's cheating was "I've only been with one person". This thread and the linked article has triggered me so hard today that I have had to avoid my wife tonight to keep the peace. I'm raging and on the warpath. I take comfort in that this woman never had kids, she will die alone, and nobody will mourn her. She deserves that end.


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> This POS author (of the book about her wonderful experiences cheating) triggered me hard because the theme of my wife's cheating was "I've only been with one person". This thread and the linked article has triggered me so hard today that I have had to avoid my wife tonight to keep the peace. I'm raging and on the warpath. I take comfort in that this woman never had kids, she will die alone, and nobody will mourn her. She deserves that end.


I had a bunch of links up and was ready to post about this but I thought about you and your wife so I didn't put up this thread.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

becareful2 said:


> When did we as a society get to the point where women can talk about destroying their marriage and taking on male/female lovers with no shame at all? Does anyone look at her and think, "Now, there's a classy, honorable woman?"


Look at the main stream websites, movies, TV shows, magazines all pushing women to cheapen themselves. They're encouraged to copy the worst stereo types of male behavior. Meanwhile men are being told to man up and marry these woman after they've wh0red for a decade many with her bad boy spawn in tow.
But if you call this behavior out, your judgemental.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> This POS author (of the book about her wonderful experiences cheating) triggered me hard because the theme of my wife's cheating was "I've only been with one person". This thread and the linked article has triggered me so hard today that I have had to avoid my wife tonight to keep the peace. I'm raging and on the warpath. I take comfort in that this woman never had kids, she will die alone, and nobody will mourn her. She deserves that end.


Regardless of what happens with you and your wife, you won't always feel this way.  I'm sorry you're hurting. ((hugs))


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

JukeboxHero said:


> I feel like there could be a Red Pill Theory applied to this somehow. He must've been a Beta male and maybe she "Hyper-Gamied" up to a better man?


Obviously he wasn't attractive enough for her to want to stay with him, so yeah.

BTW, even if he had been the one to come up with the idea, it probably still would have worked out the same, because average women have a lot less trouble finding sex partners than average men. This is one of the main reasons that polyamory tends to be female-centric.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> The quotes that really bugged me was:
> "I refuse to go to my grave with only 4 lovers & no children "
> "Despite years of pleading, he was unwilling to have kids"
> 
> ...


My crazy ex used the no kids excuse to justify her actions. She always left out the part where medically she couldn't have kids..., 

It was much easier to blame me telling people I refused to have kids than explain the truth.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> I had a bunch of links up and was ready to post about this but I thought about you and your wife so I didn't put up this thread.


Might as well post them. I'm raging and will be unable to sleep for quite a while. Had brief interactions with the wife tonight and told her to "go F herself". I know I shouldn't have said that but I'm angry tonight. I just can't F'ING believe there are human beings that so casually hurt others because they haven't had enough sex partners in their lives. WTF kind of reason is that to crush the heart of the one you supposedly love? WTF????!!!!!????!!!!!


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> Might as well post them. I'm raging and will be unable to sleep for quite a while. Had brief interactions with the wife tonight and told her to "go F herself". I know I shouldn't have said that but I'm angry tonight. I just can't F'ING believe there are human beings that so casually hurt others because they haven't had enough sex partners in their lives. WTF kind of reason is that to crush the heart of the one you supposedly love? WTF????!!!!!????!!!!!


It's counterproductive to cuss at her. If you're going to R, then R. Tell her why you're in a foul mood but don't tell her to go eff herself. Tell her these things.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

LucasJackson said:


> Might as well post them. I'm raging and will be unable to sleep for quite a while. Had brief interactions with the wife tonight and told her to "go F herself". I know I shouldn't have said that but I'm angry tonight. I just can't F'ING believe there are human beings that so casually hurt others because they haven't had enough sex partners in their lives. WTF kind of reason is that to crush the heart of the one you supposedly love? WTF????!!!!!????!!!!!


These triggers will come, LJ.

They will also pass, although it may not feel like it tonight.

Their frequency will diminish over time.

In the meantime, you have to decide if you will own your emotions, or allow them to own you.

You should apologize to her for telling her that.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> It's counterproductive to cuss at her. If you're going to R, then R. Tell her why you're in a foul mood but don't tell her to go eff herself. Tell her these things.


I know I should check my anger but that's easier said than done sometimes. I apologized to her and told her that I triggered a bit today but it wasn't anything she did. That, as expected, made her feel like sh*t. She hates what she has done as much as I hate it. Maybe more, who knows. I know if I caused her this kind of pain I couldn't live with myself. Maybe she feels the same way. I guess tonight's sleep will be aided by some zzz-quil.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The guilt is her burden to carry, LJ.

Don't verbally attack her, but don't necessarily shield her from the burden, either.

She must use her guilt to work her way through this.


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> I know I should check my anger but that's easier said than done sometimes. I apologized to her and told her that I triggered a bit today but it wasn't anything she did. That, as expected, made her feel like sh*t. She hates what she has done as much as I hate it. Maybe more, who knows. I know if I caused her this kind of pain I couldn't live with myself. Maybe she feels the same way. I guess tonight's sleep will be aided by some zzz-quil.


Tell her about this author's article on Yahoo.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Tell her about this author's article on Yahoo.


I did. She didn't believe me when I said my trigger was nothing she did. She said I was just protecting her from guilt and I shouldn't do that so I showed her the article. That also made her feel like sh*t. She read it then said what a shallow and horrible woman and she's the same as her. Then she cried. I wanted to avoid all this. Maybe we shouldn't. I still don't understand how someone so casually screws up other people's lives because they feel like that they haven't f*cked enough different people? I just don't understand. I might have taken it better if I got the "It just happened and we're madly in love. Goodbye." At least then they think it's love that they're hurting other people over. The reason I'm having to learn to accept wasn't anything as significant or powerful as love. It was just curiosity about other people's d*cks. At the end of the day that's all it took to hurt me so bad. Oh well, I'm calming down a bit. One "gift" I'm starting to develop after all this is a bit more of a nihilist view of the world. In the end none of this means anything. The joy of wedded bliss or the excruciating pain of betrayal. None of it really means anything. C'est la vie.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

becareful2 said:


> Tell her about this author's article on Yahoo.


Not sure how or if that would help?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Not sure how or if that would help?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It gives context for his outburst. How would she be able to help him heal if he keeps this stuff in?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

becareful2 said:


> It gives context for his outburst. How would she be able to help him heal if he keeps this stuff in?


He needs no context for his outbursts. And his fww knows this.

A BS can trigger over something, anything or nothing.

A security door made me trigger. The electronic lock had a numerical password which was the year of my wife’s affair.

Yet up until the first time I keyed the number in in had forgotten the year my wife cheated on me.

But then I remembered...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> He needs no context for his outbursts. And his fww knows this.
> 
> A BS can trigger over something, anything or nothing.


You're saying he should keep this trigger over this author in and not talk about it? I thought the whole point of R was to communicate?


----------



## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

One of the hard facts of R is that you both need to learn to handle triggers. And it can be tough. Nothing she did NOW, but still damage from what she did. If you can talk with her about it, it gives her a chance to be sorry, help you heal.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

jsmart said:


> Look at the main stream websites, movies, TV shows, magazines all pushing women to cheapen themselves. They're encouraged to copy the worst stereo types of male behavior. Meanwhile men are being told to man up and marry these woman after they've wh0red for a decade many with her bad boy spawn in tow.
> But if you call this behavior out, your judgemental.


The world evolves and changes. Thinking it, like marriage, is always going to be the same, just isn't the way things are. 

That doesn't mean your very apt point is a *good* thing. I do agree with what you wrote. 

Every mature woman above the age of 30 I've ever known, including myself, has had a sexual experimentation and/or awakening period. Media and peers don't always necessarily play a determining role in this, either (I've always resisted that kind of pressure my whole life). It doesn't always take the same form for every woman, either, and it is almost always temporarary. I respect that men tend to favor the opinion that women be less experienced. It's just not always a realistic view or expectation. My assumption with every moderately+ attractive woman I know that is above 30, and not married for more than 5-10 years, is she's done something sexually "devious" or "liberating" in her 20s. Maybe before that. She may deny it to save face with men. I don't hold that choice against her, its just very likely it's happened imo. Women are sexual beings and have literally no guidance on how to experiment sensibly, emotionally healthily, and safely.

Now, some women that married young, like myself, or only ever had one boyfriend before marriage, like myself, are likely (but not always) going to pause to reevaluate their decisions in life. They'll realize there's a kind of experience that's lacking, and they'll start to wonder if it's important to have that experience to validate they made the right choice of life partner. I didn't create female biology, it's just how it is. We are always evaluating. 

Our brain likely wasn't fully developed before we made some very serious decisions in our lives, thinking at that time that we honestly knew what we were doing and were doing it right. Then scumbag brain decides to finish maturing and our comfort is challenged.

I get it - no man wants to know his woman does anything but dote on him. Why would he want to cater to her belated awakening? It's not fair, life's not fair, this has been debated ad nauseum on this forum. (LucasJackson, I apologize if this post offends you by the way, as I know this story triggered you. It's not my intention to exacerbate things for you.) 

I do utterly dote btw - on my *current* husband. I doted on the first one, too, but it was a different kind of doting. It was a different kind of love. My definition of love has changed with time and experience. It is now mature and profound in a way I was unable to fathom in my 20s and I'd never have known it without the experience of my first marriage. I did not WANT it to be this way, I wanted my first marriage for life, but it would have been toxic, I saw this, and got out. 

I see life and all it's decisions, trials, and paths as one big experiment. You simply can't always get it right the first time without knowing what you want, or don't want for that matter, and knowing these things usually takes experience and self-awareness. That doesn't stop people judging you for not being their ideal perfect. No one judges me harder than I judge myself, but for all my fkupz in life, I never beat myself up or allowed myself to be beaten up over genuine, human mistakes. I love them and am a better version of myself because of them. I do my best to give others that make genuine mistakes, the same respect. I don't always get it right here, but I try. It's intentional mistakes for obvious personal gain that I find unacceptable behavior.

I think her actions suck, plain and simple, but not because she did them. She did them because she chose to. What sucks to me is she did those things while still married. The respectful thing would have been to divorce her ex first but that would have removed her safety net, if her plan backfired... Again, biology is a wonderful thing we can't control, but at her age and level of experience, she was aware of exactly what she was doing.


----------



## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

This has been discussed previously:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/287882-shes-ho-but-least-shes-honest-ho.html


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

DayOne said:


> This has been discussed previously:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/287882-shes-ho-but-least-shes-honest-ho.html


Thanks, DayOne. Odo and I were talking about this, he said he'd remembered the story from somewhere. I could have sworn it was here but wasn't sure.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

DayOne said:


> This has been discussed previously:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/287882-shes-ho-but-least-shes-honest-ho.html


 @DayOne is officially the new TAM Archivist since @LongWalk seems to be missing.

:grin2:


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

LucasJackson said:


> I did. She didn't believe me when I said my trigger was nothing she did. She said I was just protecting her from guilt and I shouldn't do that so I showed her the article. That also made her feel like sh*t. She read it then said what a shallow and horrible woman and she's the same as her. Then she cried. I wanted to avoid all this. Maybe we shouldn't. I still don't understand how someone so casually screws up other people's lives because they feel like that they haven't f*cked enough different people? I just don't understand. I might have taken it better if I got the "It just happened and we're madly in love. Goodbye." At least then they think it's love that they're hurting other people over. The reason I'm having to learn to accept wasn't anything as significant or powerful as love. It was just curiosity about other people's d*cks. At the end of the day that's all it took to hurt me so bad. Oh well, I'm calming down a bit. One "gift" I'm starting to develop after all this is a bit more of a nihilist view of the world. In the end none of this means anything. The joy of wedded bliss or the excruciating pain of betrayal. None of it really means anything. C'est la vie.




Lucas, you and your wife are learning, many mistakes, trials, and struggles will occur throughout your reconciliation. Triggers will hit, emotions will run rampant at times. All of this needs to be communicated with each other, if not, then neither if you can grow. Your wife needs to know your triggers, needs to know your emotions and how fleeting they sometimes are. She needs this to grow, to understand fully what she has done. Communicating with her about these is vulnerability by you, her reaction to this vulnerability allows you to begin to trust again. It also shows her what you are feeling unsafe about, and what she needs to do to make you feel safer. 

Not long ago I made a huge mistake, I couldn't see it and it had to be pointed out by many here. I triggered, we were busy and did not have a chance to discuss the trigger. So I suppressed the trigger, but the trigger hit worse then I thought, I should have communicated with my wife regardless of how busy. At a family gathering my wife found out her sister was going through financial infidelity. My wife acted out disrespectfully to me, and I combined that with my trigger. By combining these two incidents it created a far larger storm then necessary. I didn't own my trigger, I didn't communicate, and I coped terribly. My wife allowed her emotions to get the best of her and acted out disrespectfully. This is a very rare outburst, she hadn't done this before, but stress got the better of her. Much like the anger from your trigger got the best of you when you talked to your wife. 

Communication is a huge factor in being able to reconcile. You triggered and should have spoken to your wife, instead you communicated poorly and treated her badly. When she read what triggered you, you saw her reaction, you saw her emotion, you know how terrible she feels. But she needs to feel that, this is how she will grow, by fully accepting all of her choices and how they affect you. However you can't communicate with profanity, yet at the same time you are learning new communication, outbursts like you had will help nobody, in fact it only lays more of a foundation to continue bad communication.

I wish you the best of luck Lucas, and @farsidejunky I apologize for the thread jack.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> @DayOne is officially the new TAM Archivist since @LongWalk seems to be missing.
> 
> :grin2:


What does that say about me? I started the thread and didn't even remember it. 

Alzheimer's.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> What does that say about me? I started the thread and didn't even remember it.
> 
> Alzheimer's.


Or Oldtimers...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> What does that say about me? I started the thread and didn't even remember it.
> 
> Alzheimer's.


Let's just forget about it, OK? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Let's just forget about it, OK?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wasn't here for the last round so I appreciate it. I think threads like this need to be revived at least once a year. This one helped me realize how pissed off I still am. I had been convincing myself I wasn't that angry anymore until this thread. Triggered very hard and raged for 48 hours. That means that rage was there all along and needed to come out. Therefore, this thread had value to me and I thank everyone who participated in it. With that said, the lady author that is the subject of this thread is a horrid ****, will deservedly die alone, and no one will mourn her. :wink2:


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

LucasJackson said:


> I wasn't here for the last round so I appreciate it. I think threads like this need to be revived at least once a year. This one helped me realize how pissed off I still am. I had been convincing myself I wasn't that angry anymore until this thread. Triggered very hard and raged for 48 hours. That means that rage was there all along and needed to come out. Therefore, this thread had value to me and I thank everyone who participated in it. With that said, the lady author that is the subject of this thread is a horrid ****, will deservedly die alone, and no one will mourn her. :wink2:


There will always be an undercurrent of scumbags LJ in this world... people who just don't hold to "normal" mores and morals. You just have to remember that. 

Your WW sacrificed her principles, her morals and her ethics. It will be hard for her to get those back, so you need to encourage her to build herself up in those areas and to re-build her boundaries.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mod note: Using the C word seems to get people in trouble, even if it is nt splt out in ful.

So, lts nt go thr.


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I don't know what word to use to describe the person who is the subject of this article. Clearly, understanding her position is not easy for me to grasp. I have only been intimate with my wife, there has not been any desire to be intimate with anyone else. Does this make me odd? Am I really missing out? This just doesn't make sense to me on so many levels. I'm not trying to put anyone down, my beliefs and morals are my own, but I hold them close to me. Compromising my beliefs and morals just isn't something I'm willing to do, even after infidelity. I guess I can be placed in the weird column that I don't desire being intimate unless it's who I am in a serious relationship with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

drifting on said:


> I don't know what word to use to describe the person who is the subject of this article. Clearly, understanding her position is not easy for me to grasp. I have only been intimate with my wife, there has not been any desire to be intimate with anyone else. Does this make me odd? Am I really missing out? This just doesn't make sense to me on so many levels. I'm not trying to put anyone down, my beliefs and morals are my own, but I hold them close to me. Compromising my beliefs and morals just isn't something I'm willing to do, even after infidelity. I guess I can be placed in the weird column that I don't desire being intimate unless it's who I am in a serious relationship with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It does not make you odd. It makes you loyal. Being satisfied with one person is good. I don't get why experiencing different people makes any difference. It's a comparison thing and who really wants to be compared?


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

In reading these articles, it's just sad that people do this to each other. Really, for what? To experience some new genitals? I have never met a vagina I didn't like. But, what made them SPECIAL was the person that it was attached to. I can only assume penises are the same for women.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

TX-SC said:


> In reading these articles, it's just sad that people do this to each other. Really, for what? To experience some new genitals? I have never met a vagina I didn't like. But, what made them SPECIAL was the person that it was attached to. *I can only assume penises are the same for women*.


Not all in either instance, men or women. Truly, this is not intended as a pc post. Women admit there are size queens. Men admit they have found some to feel better than others. Some of each gender are alive.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I don't understand why some people tie their happiness and self worth to going out and engaging in rampant promiscuity, even when they supposedly have the blessing of their spouse. 

I think I'd just rather go fly fishing.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> In reading these articles, it's just sad that people do this to each other. Really, for what? To experience some new genitals? I have never met a vagina I didn't like. But, *what made them SPECIAL was the person that it was attached to*. I can only assume penises are the same for women.


Yes. Different genitals can be different, of course, but the entire experience is largely determined by the personality of the owner, and can be very, very different with different personalities - maybe every bit as good (sometimes a little better - or worse), but different. New genitals don't have a lot of appeal, but new personalities could.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sex is not the greatest thing in the world. It's just not. I can think of several activities that are waaaay funner than sex. 

1) Catching air coming off a b!tchin' mogul at Telluride. 

2) Riding a bronc.

3) Whipping a Dodge Viper around the track at Bondurant Racing school. 

4) Repelling 

5) A jumpy gym full of bouncing, laughing dwarves. 

The list goes on. 

We make too much of a big deal out needing daily marathon sex.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Sex is not the greatest thing in the world. It's just not. I can think of several activities that are waaaay funner than sex.
> 
> 1) Catching air coming off a b!tchin' mogul at Telluride.
> 
> ...












I'm not talking about the chili.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Sex is not the greatest thing in the world. It's just not. I can think of several activities that are waaaay funner than sex.
> 
> 1) Catching air coming off a b!tchin' mogul at Telluride.
> 
> ...



Riding my motorcycle on a scenic road on a sunny day. That's far better than sex.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

LucasJackson said:


> Riding my motorcycle on a scenic road on a sunny day. That's far better than sex.


Also at least as dangerous. >


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LucasJackson said:


> Riding my motorcycle on a scenic road on a sunny day. That's far better than sex.


I know of someone who, for a dare/bet, actually had sex whilst they were riding their motorbike.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I know of someone who, for a dare/bet, actually had sex whilst they were riding their motorbike.


It's not as hard to do as it looks >


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I know of someone who, for a dare/bet, actually had sex whilst they were riding their motorbike.


I know I love my bike when the thought of having sex on it and all I can think is don't get any of your juices on my paint or leather.


----------

