# 3yrs in house



## mckinny (Nov 20, 2011)

I'm not going to go into all the details that have led my spouse and I here...

It's been 3yrs since we decided to divorce...but haven't. We both still live in the same house and it's pure hell. And it is only getting worse. He won't leave. I won't leave. I stay because of the children. This is their home, and I am the one that has made it a home. All the renovations I have done. I spent 7yrs as SAHM working butt off, only to have him not support my decision. We don't talk at all. It's arguing or him degrading me.
I am ready to file NOW! But he bullies me into a corner saying I won't make it on my own. I am in school once again, and work part time. He swears I can't make it. I want to buy him out the house, but it's nearly paid for so I would have to refinance and take on loan. He wants the house and 50/50 of everything including the kids. I disagree. My family has paid for our mortage for the past 8yrs. And they foot most of our bills, and our kids tuition. My family even gases our cars. He has a loan we pay on, and he has every luxury one could have. He has alot of time off and could easily pick up a few hours doing something meaningless for cash. Nope. Lazy. When I initiate talking he refuses saying we aren't going to agree. 
Guys I am at the end of my rope. I completely lost it the other day and jumped him...He won't leave. But he stays to drive me nuts. My lawyer wants a 3500 retainer


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did you have a question, or were you just venting? It's cool if you are, just checking.

Your husband has rights, just like you do. One of them is half the home, and probably equal custody of the kids. That's the current reality, and absent any other information, it's fair. And any lawyer would probably tell your husband to stay in the home until a divorce agreement is reached. 

Maybe your family can stop paying your mortgage and gas, and invest that money into a lawyer? And physically assaulting him might be used against you later. Heck, that might be his goal. If he captures that on tape and plays it back, or uses it to press charges against you... Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you're entitled to anything more than a guy would be.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

I would probably recommend some independent counseling for you. I held on to an abusive relationship for years hoping it would get better, then I spent a few more years wishing he would just drop dead so I wouldn't have to go through a divorce. Eventually...after 10 years the abuse escalated and I packed 'go' bags for myself and the kids....and sat around waiting for another 6 months. I finally asked for the divorce and he has continued the abuse exactly like I anticipated he would...and then some. He even went as far as to tell me that if he couldn't inflict pain the marriage wasn't worth saving....my loss I guess..lol. 

I was forced out of the house along with the kids and he took my vehicle away and continues to withhold support...leaving me dependent on others for transportation in a very rural area....further limiting my options to work...I don't know what his master plan is for all of this...but I can't imagine this will make him look very good in front of the judge....who knows though...he might pull some sob story on the judge.

Since then the mortgage company seized the house (mortgage in his name) and he seems to be dragged to court on a regular basis and the car that he has taken from me has been totaled leaving both he and the girlfriend(that openly admits that she NEEDS to be beaten...my loss is her gain.. I guess) dealing with some lingering injuries....so I do believe that karma is at work...and I admit that I am enjoying it a little more than I should. 

Despite all of the upheaval and change..I would rather start over with nothing without him making my life hell than sit there and put up with his crap for another 10 years for sake of a house and things. Houses and their contents are just things that can be replaced....why let our stuff be the reason we are unhappy? The kids will adjust. And I can at least get some buffer between us.

Let him buy you out of the mortgage, let him have half the stuff, heck even let him deal with the kids half the time....it is quite possible when reality hits him he may back off cause ultimately he doesn't want the responsibility and was only there for the free ride. Mine is asking for 50/50 too...sometimes 70/30 if I have been ignoring him...though he only takes them 3 weekends a month(more than I thought he would to be honest) and doesn't even bother to call during the week...the 50/50 is just another way to continue to abuse. Check your state laws ...here in FL he can get his precious 50/50..but as soon as he goes back to blowing the kids off for motorcycle weekends, parties with his biker buds and the privacy to 'inflict pain' upon his girlfriend...I can make adjustments through child support enforcement with a phone call...no need for a court appearance.

Yours at least allowed you out of the house to attend school and work. You already have a running start....I am jealous. 

I know you are venting....but it could be worse...much worse...and it's time to stop letting him waste your time...find the money for the lawyer and see if your husband can back up his threats.


----------

