# Should I help or leave?



## Tracy S (Mar 27, 2021)

One month before our one year wedding anniversary a woman messaged me on social media. She told me she has loved my husband for 10 years and always will. I had only known him for 5 years at this time. Dated 2 years, engaged 2 years, now married 2 years.

I never responded to her and immediately confronted him! I was just too hurt and told him to leave the next day. He gave me all his social media passwords and seemed remorseful. So two months later we were back together! I even cosigned a car for him 🤦‍♀️.

One month after being back together and I go on a girl's travel with my mom and sisters. I check his accounts and see him and the chick are friend's again and she only liked photos of he and I together. They even messaged one another inappropriate things. Once I got back he was out.

Three months later my dad passed away. He was there for me and my family. We talk about having sex. I said only after being tested. I showed him my results, I am clear! He later called me from the doc and "was getting tested".

We get back together and we're planning to move in a week. I just found out he sent me a fake std results form. I feel that lie is just as bad as the emotional affairs and theirs just no trust.

However, due to me pausing moving in he can't afford to move in to our new place alone. Also his car just randomly stopped working. I feel this is his bad karma but I also feel bad for him.

1. Am I over reacting to the fake std results?

2. If I help him am I stopping God from giving him the bad karma he deserves?

3. Any advice welcomed just be kind


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

I think you are under reacting to fake STS tests/results.

Anyone who does that is not worth a relationship.

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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

He put your health at risk. Is that not clear enough for you to see this weasel for what he is?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

So you caught him cheating, sort of, then swept it under the rug because he said he was sorry? Yeah, you're going to continue to have issues. Affairs have to be properly dealt with and this one wasn't, not yet at least. 

1. No, you're not overreacting. Either he slept around, got an STD (or worries he did), didn't want proof and instead risked your health. Or he just didn't care enough about what you need from him, and that doesn't make a good reconciliation candidate. 

2. No idea on #2. However if you help him out you are enabling him. He is going to keep on using you and walking all over you, because he can and he knows it. 

The place you're supposed to move into, are you renting and was the lease already signed? You don't want to be on the hook for a place that you can't afford so figure that out quickly. 

3. You need to pause this situation and figure out what you want and if it's reconciliation, if that's even possible with him. He will have to do a lot of work (him, not you) if he even wants a _chance_ at staying married. 

If this other woman has "loved him for 10 years", how long has his affair been going on? If he lied about the STD test, there is a good chance it was NOT just emotional and you will need to get to the bottom of that. Right now he's just admitting to what you know, and ALL cheaters lie.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Why did you have to get tested? Did you have other partners while you were separated?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let him go so you can move on.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Sounds like he’s on a lower socioeconomic level from you. Do you want to deal with a guy who’s willing to put your health at risk because he wants to climb socially?

Him and that other woman have probably been on and off the whole time. I say you should dump him so he can chase his “soulmate” and you can find a real man who will love and cherish you for who you are not what you bring to the table.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He was only sorry he got caught and has reverted back. Pretty common.

Dump him.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Tracy S said:


> If I help him am I stopping God from giving him the bad karma he deserves?


In the essential idea, yes. Although "karma" is not a biblical word, and God does not "give" the circumstances.....

I like what @bobert said:


bobert said:


> No idea on #2. However if you help him out you are enabling him. He is going to keep on using you and walking all over you, because he can and he knows it.


And, in response to your question, if you help him, and soften the consequences, they may be ineffective to produce change in his life. You may prevent him from learning a proper lesson-of-life. The circumstances you describe, of being unable to afford a certain lifestyle, or a car breaking down, are the same circumstances faced by us all. He uses the "feel bad for him" as a weapon to get what he wants from you.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Tracy S said:


> One month before our one year wedding anniversary a woman messaged me on social media. She told me she has loved my husband for 10 years and always will. I had only known him for 5 years at this time. Dated 2 years, engaged 2 years, now married 2 years.
> 
> I never responded to her and immediately confronted him! I was just too hurt and told him to leave the next day. He gave me all his social media passwords and seemed remorseful. So two months later we were back together! I even cosigned a car for him 🤦‍♀️.
> 
> ...


You're definitely NOT overreacting at all. I think you need to kick this loser to the curb. You've given him too many chances, he blew all of them. He's not capable of being loyal, which is fine, but why are you tolerating it? Divorce, marry someone who treats you well, and have kids with that person. 

Also, STOP helping him.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Run!

This will be your toxic pattern for your whole life. Why would you settle for so little.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Faking an STD test result seems like it should be somewhere up with attempted homicide.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I may have been able to get past him continuing to talk to this woman. While she loves him, I'd have to think if he loved her, they'd be together & not with you. 

However the minute he gave me a fake STD test I'd be outta there & in court getting a Order to compel a witnessed real one. Thank heavens yours was clear but you are not out of the woods until you have a 2nd negative test 6 months after the 1st.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Um...no, you are not overreacting. His financial and car problems are his fault. If he treated you like you were his life partner I'd say it would be fine to help him. But he hasn't, has lied to you, betrayed you, and faking an STD test is the worst yet. God only knows what he gave you because he doesn't care about you at all. GET OUT NOW!!! Please. You are worth so much more than him. I'm sorry...I'm sure it hurts a lot. But get out, start healing, and ultimately you will be more happy for it.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

"should I help or leave?"

Leave


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This should be you, @Tracy S


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Girl, how can you even ask this? You shouldn’t even be talking to him! Why are you tolerating this?? Do you really think so little of yourself that you you believe this is what you deserve? 

Divorce him. Cut all contact permanently. 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

OK, I see his bad qualities.

Where in the hell are his good ones?

Hmm?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> OK, I see his bad qualities.
> 
> Where in the hell are his good ones?
> 
> Hmm?


Doesn’t matter. Everything he’s done has completely canceled out his good. 


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