# is my husband being selfish



## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

Hi 
Just looking for a little feed back. I am feeling a bit shafted as I earn way less than my husband he earns about ninety thousand a year where as i take home about 1,300 a month as a part time nurse. We have 3 kids and 2 of them our sons aged 22 and 25 stil live at home. I am expected to buy all the groceries and all toiletries etc which leaves me very little each month for myself and i feel this is wrong what does anyone else think:scratchhead:


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Where does his income go?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Are the kids in college? What do they contribute? 

Did your h dictate these terms?
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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

No the kids are both working, they work for their dad who runs his own business and they both earn a good wage. Their dad used to hold back about 30 each week from their salary but he often took ages to give it to me and then he sometimes forgot what he,d given me so i,d end up out of pocket. I also do all of the household chores and we live in a five bedroomed house with 3 bathrooms and i get no help from any of them


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

$30/week? That's nuts. That isn't nearly sufficient. And did h decide thst, too?
No joint accounts either I guess? 

I would ask for a full accounting of where his money goes. Then you csn better understand and make a case for yourself.
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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

His contribution is to pay the heating and electric bill he has bought 4 properties (which he says is security for our retirement) and he employs 8 men in his business. he says he spends a lot on the business for supplies and wages etc etc but i say if he wasn,t earnign it he wouldn,t be spending it. however i have no clue what he has in his bank account, and you are correct when you say no joint account. He recently bought a new pick up truck and a bmw 6 series top of the range car. My car comes with my job as a community nurse, which i pay £100 a month for as a subsidised lease vechicle.


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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

His income goes on the business and any maintenance of our home i guess. Which i can,t contribute to as i don,t earn enough


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Demand an accounting. It is your money, too.

So that 90k isn't his salary? 

Are you on the deeds of the properties?
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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

My name is only on deeds for one of the properties, it is not even on the deeds for our own home. Absolutely no point demanding accounts as he reckons what he earns is none of my business so i guess i will just have to live with it.:banghead:


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

He isn't planning for you. He is planning for him.

Are the kids yours or his?
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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

Well i added up the invoices in one of his invoice books last year and the invoices totalled over 100k for work he carried out for his main contract. but i don,t know how much of this actually went back into the business and how much of it was profit for him


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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

the kids belong to us both we have been married for 28 years


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Why aren't you on the deeds?

Invoices aren't income. What is his actual take home? 

Are you in the uk?
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## yenagh (May 31, 2011)

I am in the uk. What is on the invoices is what he is paid for the work he carries out, and i have not got a clue what is actual take home is. I am not on the deeds because he says its his house as he had it built over a period of two years when he got the business up and running as he went along so there is no mortgage on our home and therefore nothing in writing to say that i have any entitlement to it. ps i really appreciate your replies as i have been wanting to talk to someone about this for a long time. I couldn,t because everyone who knows us think that i lead a very privledged lifestyle and seem to assume that what i earn in my job is my own, based simply on the fact that my husband has a successful business they seem to think that i benefit from this


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Yes, your h is selfish and imo, shady.

My guess is he brings home maybe half or less than half if he has men working for him so you may over estimatehis earnings. That said, he is controlling and not at all guaranteed to take care of you.

I am hoping someone from the uk who is familiar with your rights Ada spouse will post.

My feeling is that your h makes a lot less than you think. But what disturbs me is that you don't know your financial situation and that he is not forthcoming. What if he gets hit by a bus? What if he is lying about money? What if he has a GF on the side that money goes to, or a gambling or drug problem? 

The point is that your financial health is controlled by him and you are in danger by allowing it.

I made the mistake of trusting in this area and got burned.
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

BTW, I have to go now. If you don't hear from someone tonight you'll likely hear from ppl tomorrow.
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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

yenagh:
In Florida, the law reads that pre-marital assets are not divisible but MARITAL assets are as wells as marital liabilities. It would be in your best interest to google UK divorce law regarding the handling of such and that may give you peace of mind. Also, your H must have heard of inflation. My own STBX told me not to bother adding to my IRA each year, that he had retirement plan & IRA's well, look what happened when I trusted. I am getting nothing other than what I brought into the marriage. So try googling or even look for free consultation with barrister (?)/lawyer and pose your questions.
Good Luck!


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