# Husband vs My parents



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

My husband and my parents have been at it for awhile. My husband find my dad offers to help over bearing. My dad finds my husband disrespectful. It finally came to a head with my husband calling my mom a witch and accusing my family of being witches who murdered his ancestors. Due to this my mom and dad have said that my husband is no longer welcome in their home. My parents have been our primary child care for our children. My husband is now saying because he is not allowed at my parents house our children cannot be at their house without me present. I feel that the kids should be allowed at my parents alone because of their close bond and because it is not an issue of how my parents were caring for the kids. Any advice or input?


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Dreamer06687 said:


> It finally came to a head with my husband calling my mom a witch and accusing my family of being witches who murdered his ancestors


Ummmm, WHAT? Was he drinking or high when he said this? This sounds completely delusional.

Tell your husband that your parents are your child care, and unless HE wants to stay home with them, that has to continue. You need to have all of them sit down and talk to get this resolved. Being stubborn and hard headed won't cut it. Your husband should apologize -- that comment just is TOO out there to be taken seriously and if he THINKS that, then he may need to go to a counselor/Dr. to make sure he understands reality.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dreamer06687 said:


> My husband and my parents have been at it for awhile. My husband find my dad offers to help over bearing. My dad finds my husband disrespectful. *It finally came to a head with my husband calling my mom a witch and accusing my family of being witches who murdered his ancestors.* Due to this my mom and dad have said that my husband is no longer welcome in their home. My parents have been our primary child care for our children. My husband is now saying because he is not allowed at my parents house our children cannot be at their house without me present. I feel that the kids should be allowed at my parents alone because of their close bond and because it is not an issue of how my parents were caring for the kids. Any advice or input?


In order to give you any useful input I'd need to know what your husband was talking about. Why does your husband think your family are witches and murdered his ancestors? What is the history here?


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What's the backstory here? Why on earth would your husband say something so insane? Is he ill?


----------



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

My husband does have end stage kidney disease. However, my parents and my self are just as shocked and confused about the comments as you all have indicated. My mom has a herb garden, and occasionally burns sage. My husband has a small amount of native heritage and locally there was a massacre in the 1800s of his tribe. 
it is because of this continued bizarre behavior why my parents don’t want him around.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dreamer06687 said:


> My husband does have end stage kidney disease. However, my parents and my self are just as shocked and confused about the comments as you all have indicated. My mom has a herb garden, and occasionally burns sage. My husband has a small amount of native heritage and locally there was a massacre in the 1800s of his tribe.
> it is because of this continued bizarre behavior why my parents don’t want him around.


Did your family live in that area during the 1800's when the massacre happened? 

What other bizarre behavior is he doing?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and your husband?

How long have you been married?


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There are only a few areas that match that history. I live in one of them.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Tell him that he can take care of the kids while you work. In addition if he is ill, who else is there to help.

Is there something wrong with his meds?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I dunno, this may not be that simple of a situation.

Is it possible your Dad hasn't relinquished thinking you should still turn to him whenever something needs done or you have a problem?

Does your Father always jump in if your H is doing what he can to help here and there and you say just let Dad do it?

Not saying there's not some deeper issue here, and it's a sure thing all the pertinent details aren't shared, this apparently has been going on for a while.

Just saying maybe it's not so cut and dried.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

If your H has end-stage kidney disease, this COULD be affecting his thinking and should be brought up right away with his Dr.'s


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Dreamer06687 said:


> My husband does have end stage kidney disease. However, my parents and my self are just as shocked and confused about the comments as you all have indicated. My mom has a herb garden, and occasionally burns sage. My husband has a small amount of native heritage and locally there was a massacre in the 1800s of his tribe.
> it is because of this continued bizarre behavior why my parents don’t want him around.


I think you should have your husbands kidney levels checked urgently by his doctor. When my dad's kidneys failed, the few weeks in the lead up to it, Dad completely changed - he was an absolute arsehole, a real pig, nothing at all like himself. We were all so shocked and couldn't understand what was going on. When he was diagnosed, his kidney levels (can't remember the name of the particular one) were literally 1000 x higher than normal. I asked the doctor in the hospital whether that could explain his behaviour changes and he said yes, it did.

After a few days on dialysis, Dad was back to his old gorgeous self and absolutely devastated at what he'd done - the parts he could remember anyway.

PLEASE get your husband to the doc asap. There may be something very wrong.


----------



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> How old are you and your husband?
> 
> How long have you been married?


We are in our mid 30s and have been married 6 years. Unfortunately His kidney disease is a genetic disorder.


----------



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I dunno, this may not be that simple of a situation.
> 
> Is it possible your Dad hasn't relinquished thinking you should still turn to him whenever something needs done or you have a problem?
> 
> ...


Of course it’s not cut and dry and or course there are more details. It would be a small novel to include everything. My dad is fairly hands off as I have lived on my own for 15+ years including other states. And I have had no financial help from my parents since I was 18. 
so as an example of what my dad finds disrespectful is my husband bringing a gun into my parents home dispite my dad asking him not too. My husband calling my dad “dad” when my dad has asked for him to call him by his name. Another incident was when a light fixture quit working during a family event. My dad being the manager of the electrical dept of the local hardware store tried to be of help and Go with my husband to get the needed supplies but my husbandinstead yelled at everyone at the event and then needed to go to the hardware store 4 more times delaying the celebration. 
I do admit to telling my husband to ask my dad for tools or helpif he has questions about household repairs but I also know my husband has some basic knowledge and can do many repairs without help too, it is notuntil he runs into a problem that I make that suggestion.


----------



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

frusdil said:


> I think you should have your husbands kidney levels checked urgently by his doctor. When my dad's kidneys failed, the few weeks in the lead up to it, Dad completely changed - he was an absolute arsehole, a real pig, nothing at all like himself. We were all so shocked and couldn't understand what was going on. When he was diagnosed, his kidney levels (can't remember the name of the particular one) were literally 1000 x higher than normal. I asked the doctor in the hospital whether that could explain his behaviour changes and he said yes, it did.
> 
> After a few days on dialysis, Dad was back to his old gorgeous self and absolutely devastated at what he'd done - the parts he could remember anyway.
> 
> PLEASE get your husband to the doc asap. There may be something very wrong.


My husband is closely followed by his nephrologist and has lab work done monthly. He has been given the option to start dialysis whenever he feels ready. I do think that his antidepressant are not at the right dose or meds but my husband refuses to have me attend appointments with him anymore and I know he is not completely honest about things with his doctor


----------



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

aine said:


> Tell him that he can take care of the kids while you work. In addition if he is ill, who else is there to help.
> 
> Is there something wrong with his meds?


He has been the stay at home parent the last 5years. However my parent have been the ones to watch the kids while he goes to his doctor appointments which arleast one per week sometimes more often. His family helps some but are often unreliable and will cancel last minute. we do have some friends who help but their availability is very limited so for the last 5 years our support system has primarily been my parents.


----------



## AmberP (Apr 21, 2021)

It's complicated, and in such cases, you always have to listen to both sides. Is there any change after all this time? I have a similar situation now, only my husband and parents can't be in the same room.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Has your husband always acted like this? His behaviour does seem extreme.
I never believe that the children should suffer for the behaviour of other family members though, and your dad sounds as if he is just being kind.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie cat has determined that this thread must close.


----------

