# Did I marry a sociopath/cheater?



## Photogrl78 (Feb 12, 2012)

I got married last summer and am very in love. However, this past week I found out some information that made me sick to my stomach, and terrified. I found out that while I was engaged, my husband was chatting online with a couple of different women, asking them to meet and that he "clicks" with one of them, and that they would make a really good match. He was writing romantic letters about them going away on vacation and how he would hold her in his arms, etc. 
Now, I am going to back up to 2009 when I got an email from a girl which I thought was a jealous ex of his. She sent me this long email, claiming that it was from herself and another woman, and that both were supposedly girlfriends of my husband-my then boyfriend at the time. She was warning me that he was juggling all of us, flying to different cities, and that in the summer of 2009 they both broke up with him, one for being suspicious, and the one writing for catching him at his home with another girl. She even sent me all his texts to her, and hotel information from the other girl. They two girls found each other online and it all came out. However, I thought it was all lies, to get me to break up with him. 
She went on telling me about numerous girls he was in full-blown relationships with at the same time and that he had online dating profiles. She even described his apartment and told me about things she bought him which were at the time in the apartment. 
My then bf, told me she was a jealous ex who wanted him back so desperetaly. I believed him as he told me he only wants me and that these girls meant nothing. I figured if he was talking to any other women he would now stop since he chose me to marry and not anyone else. That, he now would only focus on being with one woman. 
He posted all of our wedding photos on Facebook, so doesn't this mean he is now happy to be married and all this is behind us. What worried me is, that even while we were engaged he chatted, or maybe who knows what else. Was he lying? Did I fall into a trap?? Was that just a jealous ex? Or am I the fool...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The big big is question is what is he up to now?

It's been 3 years since the email. Do you have a keylogger to see what websites he's visiting? Does he have a phone that he won't let out of his sight?

Does he have missing periods of time with great explanations. Does he travel away without you?


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Has your husband admitted any of this? I can understand that ex's can be jealous but that is alot of detailed information/proof she was giving you. Not to mention other women & dating sites.

I agree with Shaggy - investigate. With that much evidence from his past when you were dating/engaged - and his obvious downplay - it would be beneficial to know for sure if anything else is going on.

Just because someone posts happy married pictures on facebook doesn't mean they're not up to anything or other women are magically going to stay away. Some women don't work like that.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sorry for your pain. Looks like you married a skunk just like I did. I'm giving my WW the heave-ho. Keep your chin up and don't let him worm his way out of this without steep consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Photogrl78 (Feb 12, 2012)

I am now afraid that the email may have been true. I saw his communication from a year ago with these two women when he left his account open on our computer. He was chatting while he was at work for hours a day (and he is an oral surgeon). That is strange in itself. We had gotten engaged during this time. He kept begging one girl to meet with him and said to her they had so much in common and had to meet. She was a pretty woman (saw her photo) from a very wealthy suburb. Then another one was sending racy photos to him and he asked to meet her too (close to our area).

The email all came back to me after I found this stuff a few days ago. That woman telling me she was in a relationship with him, and that she had discovered he was juggling several more making promises. She had mentioned the word -psychopath and had compared him to Tiger Woods-it was during that scandal in 2009.

I don't know what he is doing now, but I wish I could close my eyes and make all this go away. 
Even if I confront it, I doubt he will be honest. I just want to know, what are the chances of people like this changing. Does marriage make them stop? I read that sociopaths can marry and that cheating may never stop.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

I think you are getting close to home in suspecting a sociopath. Not only that but one with a sense of entitlement due to his career status and perceived success. I have seen this before with men I know personally and from what I gathered was the same issue with famous cheaters like Tiger Woods.

I would also suspect there is something about his indifferent, consciousless attitude that you initially found attractive. Perhaps you perceived it as unbridled confidence. After all confidence is often just going forward with out Inhibition regardless of the results and or consequences one way or the other.

Unfortunately for many women, this confidece/sociopathy is a common illusion many women are attracted to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

I dont think there is any point of you confronting him he will onlgy deny it I think you should dig a little more and see what else you find some concrete evidence and then confront him, that way he can not wiggle his way out of it. Some people do change their ways when they get married some dont it all depends on what marriage means to them and if they have the will power and common sense to change if they are in a commited relationship.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Sooooo... all this happened back before you got married. THEN you married him. Now, a few years later you are wondering if he tricked you....altho you don't say that you've caught him at anything recently.

So to answer the question, no he didn't trick you. He showed you exactly who he was, and then you married him anyway.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Sooooo... all this happened back before you got married. THEN you married him. Now, a few years later you are wondering if he tricked you....altho you don't say that you've caught him at anything recently.
> 
> So to answer the question, no he didn't trick you. He showed you exactly who he was, and then you married him anyway.


That's how abuse works. He used words and actions to directly address her concerns, so she would have looked foolish to leave him. In case you didn't know a SOCIOPATH is a SOCIOPATH because they don't hurt someone directly, they use the person's strengths from a positive perspective (wanting to trust, wanting to be helpful, wanting to be faithful, wanting to keep the peace, wanting to be rational, and to rise above petty emotions like jealousy...distrust...anger) against them. That way just like you did, the sociopath can blame the victim. Nobody wants to have to admit that they did something so damaging to themself, so this feeds into the denial, something the SOCIOPATH loves to see. Then he or she also knows that others will join in and help them abuse the victim, by reminding her of how she hurt herself.

Yup, honey, you got a sociopath on your hands. Now maybe more than one. Don't worry, they're harmless. It's all a smokescreen for a deep inner emasculated feeling, and needing to exert power over your emotions. Pure fluff, they're not really all that powerful. Remember Oz? There's no place like home, and home is where your heart is. Find it, use it.


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