# Sexless Marriage but wife masturbates all of the time



## summerhouse37 (Nov 30, 2012)

This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If you had stopped me on the street and asked if I thought a person could sleep through a little orgasm, let alone intense, I would have said "no". 

Live and learn. This might have some useful information. 

Survey – Female Sleep Orgasms and Sex Dreams


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Here's my answer from the other thread:



summerhouse37 said:


> My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it.


THAT is weird. :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

If she isn't aware of this, she isn't going to believe you if you tell her. Maybe record her and play it back to her. "Confronting" her isn't the right word - why would you do that? TALK to her.

Sounds to me like she hasn't lost her libido, she's just chased it underground.

As for why she won't have sex with you - that should be addressed by a counselor. Sexless marriages SUCK - just do some reading around here about it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cletus said:


> If you had stopped me on the street and asked if I thought a person could sleep through a little orgasm, let alone intense, I would have said "no".
> 
> Live and learn. This might have some useful information.
> 
> Survey – Female Sleep Orgasms and Sex Dreams


"87% reported waking into a physical orgasm at some time in their life." That doesn't sound like what he's talking about though. He says she is masturbating, not dreaming, and that she isn't aware of it.

Unless, of course, she is lying about not being aware, and knows exactly what she's doing.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

2 possibilities:

She is just not into you and is pretending to be asleep? In this case its an attraction problem and you need to run Athol's MAP and try to be more sexually appealing to your wife.

She is actually doing this in her sleep, meeting her own sexual needs via masturbation and hence has no libido. I have no idea how this comes about but it is strange and fascinating. If this is true she needs some medical help, maybe sex therapy?

Either way I would confront her about it. If it stops after you confront her on it then you know she was faking being asleep. She will start masturbating at other times when you are not around. Then you need the MSSL map program.

If she keeps doing it after your talk then it's probably some kind of medical or psych condition that you should get her treatment for. 

A little background on the sex life would help you get better feedback.

How long has this been going on?
How long have you been married?
Was she doing this before marriage? 
Was the sex ever good?
How often did you have sex before and currently?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> "87% reported waking into a physical orgasm at some time in their life." That doesn't sound like what he's talking about though. He says she is masturbating, not dreaming, and that she isn't aware of it.
> 
> Unless, of course, she is lying about not being aware, and knows exactly what she's doing.


Hey, don't beat me up for trying to be diplomatic.


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## summerhouse37 (Nov 30, 2012)

How long has this been going on? about a month now that I am aware of it

How long have you been married? we have been together 24 years

Was she doing this before marriage? no she was not

Was the sex ever good? omg yes the sex used to be amazing

How often did you have sex before and currently?before kids it used to be weekly and never scheduled now it has to be scheduled and now it is monthly


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So after 24 years this suddenly starts????

That is really weird. Is this the only strange thing she's been doing lately?


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

summerhouse37 said:


> This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?


My wife does this!! I first noticed a few years ago. She doesn't make much noise when she orgasms, and I'm a heavy sleeper...so no telling how long she has done it. What she DOES do, when she orgasms is shake/vibrate fairly intensely. That's what woke me up when I first noticed. Every time it has happened...it appears to me she is asleep. I finally mentioned it to her, and she didn't believe me. But, as recently as a couple nights ago...I woke up to her bed shaking, and slight exhail of relief. It baffles me. I figured she was an anomoly....interesting to hear she isn't the only one. It ALSO might explain her lack of drive.

AS to the recommendation of recording it.....short of staying awake all night, it is hard to tell when it might occur. By the time I fully awake to it (who knows how many times I haven't)...it is pretty much over.

Very interesting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

summerhouse37 said:


> This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?


Does she know that she is doing this?


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Mittens ?


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

It's call sexomnia or sleep sex. My wife does it on occasion and it can be brought on by stress among other things. The person doesn't know they're doing it and have no recollection because they're sleeping.

Sexsomnia

http://www.science20.com/florilegium/sexsomnia_sleep_disorder_sexual_behaviour-65417

Best,

T


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi

Usually some women do it out of painful emotional memories with nonsexual touch or sexual touch or both-as well with the idea of sex. She really needs to find out why she is doing it. 

Judith


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Does she have forearms the size of Popeye's?


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

You should have her wear these while she sleeps.

JT's Stockroom - Vampire Gloves

That will put a stop to it.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Middle of Everything said:


> Does she have forearms the size of Popeye's?


:rofl:


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Very curious as to why this serious problem is being "made fun of" 

How is this any different then any other sexual issue? 

T


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Though I've never heard of this before, it sounds plausible to me. Unless she is playing some incredibly cruel head game, I can't see her doing this while awake and being conscious of it. She surely could find other times/places to mastubate than in the still of the night with her husband lying next to her. 

I think it would be OK to talk about it with her, but I strongly suggest against gathering video evidence. This is likely to embarass her and could set your cause way back. She might even view it as meanspirited by you. 

Please update us as you learn more. This is a fascinating concept.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

There's lot of info out there about the issue.

Google sexsomnia


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## inquiringbrain (Nov 19, 2010)

Similar here. She has little interest in sex. 60s, menopause, antidepressant that kills libido. Plus she's more interested in her kids. Found out that I was only brought in to be a daddy for her youngest.

At night she will rub her *****, but seems to be asleep. I have never witnessed a climax, but then she has a difficult time climaxing when she's awake. If I move she stops and puts her hands above her head, all while snoring. 

She denies she does this, but I can hear the wet ***** noises. Plus I can smell it on her fingers.

I've caught her with her vibrator a few times.

Apparently she likes sexual stimulation. Just not with me.

What a wonderful life.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

inquiringbrain said:


> Similar here. She has little interest in sex. 60s, menopause, antidepressant that kills libido. Plus she's more interested in her kids. Found out that I was only brought in to be a daddy for her youngest.
> 
> At night she will rub her *****, but seems to be asleep. I have never witnessed a climax, but then she has a difficult time climaxing when she's awake. If I move she stops and puts her hands above her head, all while snoring.
> 
> ...


This is all on you. Only you have the power to change your life and make yourself happy. Once you realize this, you will start to take action. Separate and start banging any chick you want. It's what I did and no regrets.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

DailyGrind said:


> AS to the recommendation of recording it.....short of staying awake all night, it is hard to tell when it might occur. By the time I fully awake to it (who knows how many times I haven't)...it is pretty much over.
> 
> Very interesting.


set up a video camera to run all night long. then next day run thru the whole thing to find each orgasm. Should be interesting to show her.

i would go along the path of saying "obviously your body/mind needs more orgasms. I want to be part of that and help you to cum!" and see what she says. Maybe something in your technique turns her off, but she NEEDS IT anyway. LISTEN to her words.

btw, the video camera will ALSO tell you if it is truly happening in her sleep, or she is just masturbating to some fantasy while awake...over and over.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Zombie thread! The OP left the building in 2012.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

My question is who is she thinking of while doing this?

I would have said OP if they still had a normal sex life.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

well that is one weird zombie thread but we have a new poster with a serious marital problem . . . .

On a less serious note, have they developed a pill that will induce this symptom in men? I think it would lower my sexual frustration level a lot. My erotic dreams wake me up leaving me more frustrated.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Wake her up while she is doing it and say hey I will join you.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Sounds like fun. Too bad she won't let you join in.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

JayDee7 said:


> Wake her up while she is doing it and say hey I will join you.


i think HE can also get an erection while he is "fast asleep". AND it might accidentally enter her body, over and over again....while he sleeps too

:grin2:


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

That's sexy as hell. I would go NUTS watching that and it has to be unbelievably frustrating for you. IMO She has a sexual side that her conscience mind haven't come to terms with yet. If a therapist can help her release her sub conscience self, you have a winner.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I just wanted to say that I orgasm VERY easily and I've woken up from orgasming many times. I don't know if i've ever slept through it but I can't imagine this. I think it's kind of a curse to cum this easily during sleeping and at other times when i don't really want it. I've always hated this! I mean orgasms feel good of course but it's very embarrassing to be cumming like when a guy touches you! So many orgasms I've tried to hide. Back to orgasms during sleep - I don't think my husband ever knew anything about this happening. He sleeps pretty soundly and I wake up when the waves start and i just try not to shudder/move too much! All my little secret I guess and I'd like to keep it that way.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it just dawned on me....if I masturbated all the time...i TOO might not want sex with my spouse. 
Maybe the answer here is a chastity belt while she sleeps...go all medieval on her!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Cure: Rat trap in the underwear. First wandering finger, and SNAP!!!! A few times and she will be conditioned not to do it. With her libido not being stimulated, she will want sex again.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> it just dawned on me....if I masturbated all the time...i TOO might not want sex with my spouse.


speak for yourself, buster!


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