# Life experience which came handy after WS affair



## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

What are the life experience which came handy after WS affair? In my case I was too much dependent on my WS for cooking, making friends and taking care of my health. 

After affair, I started recollecting my life experience and I found that I’ve very good social skills, I’m very good at cooking and I started hitting gym. 

So instead of getting down with life and hitting depression, I pulled myself and started reinventing my long lost skills. I’m enjoying this new me !!!

What was your experience?


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

John2012 said:


> What are the life experience which came handy after WS affair? In my case I was too much dependent on my WS for cooking, making friends and taking care of my health.
> 
> After affair, I started recollecting my life experience and I found that I’ve very good social skills, I’m very good at cooking and I started hitting gym.
> 
> ...


While my WS was in her affair, I learned I'm a pretty good cook.. I can clean, take care of the kids, take care of myself.. I can pretty much live on my own. She taught me how I can be independent.. I can also live without affection, attention, love, kindness, honesty and respect from my partner.. I learned that I'm pretty resilient and tougher mentally than I thought I was.

I forgot I can draw.. I bought a sketch pad and a set of pencils... I'm actually a pretty good illustrator.. I also forgot I used to know how to play a guitar speaking of long lost skills..


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I actually learned a lot from my betrayer.

I learned how to cook, appreciate a clean house and well cared for yard. And as with all marriages one learns the skill on interpersonal compromising...

I also learned that if you allow someone to become the center of your world, the thing that makes you tick, as I did, that when betrayal comes it totally devastates you and it's as if life itself has ended. 

So I have learned to never place blind trust and faith in anyone and to always remember myself in a relationship. I'll certainly never trust anyone again like I did and even learn to lean on myself in life and not anyone else.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

russell28 said:


> I forgot I can draw.. I bought a sketch pad and a set of pencils... I'm actually a pretty good illustrator.. I also forgot I used to know how to play a guitar speaking of long lost skills..


Oh..I too forgot that I can also draw..I'll get back to that skill soon. Thanks for the reminder !!!


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> I also learned that if you allow someone to become the center of your world, the thing that makes you tick, as I did, that when betrayal comes it totally devastates you and it's as if life itself has ended.


This was my mistake. I was too much of giver in my relationship. When betrayal came, I was devastated and I don't know how to become a taker. It took time for me to understand my own needs. 

Now I'm center of my own world.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

John2012 said:


> This was my mistake. I was too much of giver in my relationship. When betrayal came, I was devastated and I don't know how to become a taker. It took time for me to understand my own needs.
> 
> Now I'm center of my own world.


In a way, it's a shame it has to come to that. But the raw mental and emotional brutality of betrayals necessitate it.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I learned that living in a foreign country is the worst mistake a person can make if you depend on your spouse for the necessary documents to live there. I learned all he had to do is say "I'm done", and I was homeless, no belongings, and he can avoid divorce. 22 years of my life wiped away like it never existed.


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Ummm ... I don't know whether the life experience I gained just last nite counts ... I learned to open a rotary 3-number combination briefcase without knowing its actual code number :smthumbup: .

Found an old briefcase of STBXH in my (not our ) wardrobe. Am in the midst of trying to gather as much evidence of his offshore investments as I could for my lawyers. Got frustrated that I didn't know the magic combination. Went on Google ... And ... Voila ! I got a newly acquired skill 

Sadly, contents of briefcase are blerrggh ...


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## sdcott (Oct 9, 2012)

I have learned that "trust" when it comes to others is a waste of time and energy. I trust myself and find comfort in that. But...others, I don't see myself ever expressing trust in others. I trusted my WS 150% and in doing so made it oh so easy for him to get away with it all. I would not insult him by asking when things seemed odd. We are reconciling and are 14 mos. into the new marriage. I don't think he is doing anything and he has been a model husband since. Yet, I do not find trust to be an element that really has any benefit when it comes to others.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

I tapped into a dream career I always had as a child. I loved every minute of it! It required great people skills and creativity. He told me for years that no one liked me and I learned the opposite and too, that if they didn't, I didn't give a damn!


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