# I am in a real "I hate Women" mood today



## Smoke (Jul 17, 2012)

The only decent one in my life right now is my daughter.

This past weekend, my ex would not give me my 2 boys for my access for the weekend. She says it was because they did not to go. She is alienating them so bad these days. You should have heard the way my 11 year old spoke to me. Absolutely broke my heart.

And my wife went on a date with a male co worker last night.
He picked her up at our house, they went to dinner, then to a concert. He dropped her off at our house after.
She says it was not a date. Sorry lady, but that is the actual definition of a date.

I'm just in a very bad mood today.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

this is awful Im so sorry you're being treated this way. I can't say I blame you for hating women right now.
I'll never understand how people can be so cruel to one another.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I have a couple friends who assume all men are jerks, a-holes, etc. My ex IS but I figure if I let him make me bitter against all men, he's won. After all, the best revenge is living well.  

And as to boys - read the book Divorce Poison - VERY helpful with combating alienation. It made a HUGE difference with me and my daughter when her Dad was doing it.

And in addition to your 'date' definition, I would say an "outing" with a friend has no romantic aspirations whereas a "date" is a romantic interaction. Had she met him at the restaurant and drove herself but kissed him goodnight before getting in her car it still could have been a date. 

(hugs)


----------



## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

It is emotional manipulation it seems to me. It's purpose is to make you feel exactly the way you feel now, in my opinion.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> This past weekend, my ex would not give me my 2 boys for my access for the weekend. She says it was because they did not to go. She is alienating them so bad these days. You should have heard the way my 11 year old spoke to me. Absolutely broke my heart.


You're losing the propaganda battle. You are fighting too right?



> And my wife went on a date with a male co worker last night.
> He picked her up at our house, they went to dinner, then to a concert. He dropped her off at our house after.
> She says it was not a date. Sorry lady, but that is the actual definition of a date.


And you knew all about how this was going to be? If so, this one is on you mate... Why the heck did you stand for that?



> And in addition to your 'date' definition, I would say an "outing" with a friend has no romantic aspirations


If an attractive woman goes on an outing with a male "friend" there is at least one with romantic/sexual aspirations. I can assure you that. You think non homosexual guys take married women to dinner and concerts because they need a friend? If you do then you need to re-evaluate that.


----------



## cgrace (Sep 10, 2012)

Henri is right. I know because I did that to my husband during our separation. I had so much anger towards my husband for not trying his best to work the family out that I wanted him to see how it was without us. The anger clouded my mind so much to the point I neglected the fact my boys needed to see their father. In a womans perspective, its usually anger. For me it was anger that my husband couldnt try his hardest to save the family, that he didnt realize the best gift to their children was to love their mother. Im not sure with your situation, but its most likely anger and related to something emotionally deep between the two of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

My wife had massive amounts of anger towards me and it would flip on and off like a switch. 

Then, after 4 years, it just kinda stopped. I didnt want to bring it up but finally did. She said she saw a therapist that gave her great advice that she needed to forgive and move forward and the anger was ruining her and flowing towards the kids.

Its a much better relationship for everyone now. We are almost friends and I caught us laughing together the other day. It was nice. It took a long time to get there but the lack of drama sure is nice!


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Smoke said:


> And my wife went on a date with a male co worker last night.
> He picked her up at our house, they went to dinner, then to a concert. He dropped her off at our house after.
> She says it was not a date. Sorry lady, but that is the actual definition of a date.


Ummm. How do you let this happen? Hate to say it, but dinner and a concert aren't all that happened last night.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Why would you allow your wife to go out on a date? 

I agree with the others. This one is on you.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Why would you allow your wife to go out on a date?
> 
> I agree with the others. This one is on you.


From what I understand he is not living in the house so he really didn't have a choice. If she wants to go out she is going to go out.

The bigger issue is that the man came to the house and picked her up and the children probably saw it. That was a big mistake on her part and it will confuse the children.


The biggest issue is the kids not wanting to see their dad. I went through this also and still do with my 17 year old. Your going to have to lay the law down that your visitation is non negotiable unless the children are of the age that they can make their own decision......like 14 years or older in some states. I have twin 14 year olds that have not missed a weekend in a year but it was difficult at first, especially with their mother talking badly about me.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Cyclist said:


> From what I understand he is not living in the house so he really didn't have a choice. If she wants to go out she is going to go out.
> 
> The bigger issue is that the man came to the house and picked her up and the children probably saw it. That was a big mistake on her part and it will confuse the children.
> 
> ...


Why is he not living with his wife? This is my point. So he is in the middle of divorce then?

I briefly looked at some of his other threads. One from 8/20. It did not sound like he had moved out. He had just taken his wife on a date.

Sooooooo. Why in the world would he be ok with a guy picking his wife up and taking her out on a date? He should be living at that house.

There is an EX and there is a current wife.


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> There is an EX and there is a current wife.


This is how I read it too. But I'm guessing the point will be moot soon because there will be only exes and no current wife.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Smoke said:


> The only decent one in my life right now is my daughter.
> 
> This past weekend, my ex would not give me my 2 boys for my access for the weekend. She says it was because they did not to go. She is alienating them so bad these days. You should have heard the way my 11 year old spoke to me. Absolutely broke my heart.
> 
> ...


If you have an Ex and also a Wife then here's what I think. Otherwise please let us know what you have.

Come on Mr smoke. Dinner and concert with a coworker is a showstopper. You're going to have to fix you.
I love my wife and our marriage is wonderful and I trust her but I'd literally tell her flat out that she's making the choice to divorce when she drives off.
Letting her disrespect you and your intelligence creates problems.
No I'm not a jaded BS. It's the truth and just about everyone here is going to give you similar feedback. What the hell are you thinking.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Ok then I misunderstood. If he has a wife living at home and another guy picked her up....or she met him somewhere for that matter....she needs to come home and find her stuff on the front porch with a nice little note with your attorneys phone number on it.


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

so wait....my hubby is not a drinker or going out kind of guy.....so my male friends and girl friends we all get together 2 to 3x a month at a local bar and drink our asses off and have fun.....I am going out with males....quite handsome ones too....I am now not supposed to because I am married.....no I don't think so.....


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> so wait....my hubby is not a drinker or going out kind of guy.....so my male friends and girl friends we all get together 2 to 3x a month at a local bar and drink our asses off and have fun.....I am going out with males....quite handsome ones too....I am now not supposed to because I am married.....no I don't think so.....


Yes you are supposed to stop it. We will see you or your hubby asking much different questions on here eventually.

Not liking the answer does not make it the wrong answer.


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Yes you are supposed to stop it. We will see you or your hubby asking much different questions on here eventually.
> 
> Not liking the answer does not make it the wrong answer.


Like hell you will.......my cute male friends are friends.....I would never do anything with them like that.....EA or otherwise....or with the female ones for that matter.....

what am I supposed to only go out with females because I am married ......BS.....give me a break.... grow up already and realize that not all women break..... OH and if I was to want to have an EA or something else I would tell my hubby because I love him that much!!!!


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> .... grow up already


The "grow up" line always kills me. I guess that means that only youngsters have affairs, right?



TopazGal said:


> OH and if I was to want to have an EA or something else I would tell my hubby because I love him that much!!!!


But...this is funnier. If you wanted to have an EA "or something" you would tell hubby. Yeah, that seems to be the way it works in most cases. 

Post some more. This is some funny shyte.:smthumbup:


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> The "grow up" line always kills me. I guess that means that only youngsters have affairs, right?
> 
> 
> But...this is funnier. If you wanted to have an EA "or something" you would tell hubby. Yeah, that seems to be the way it works in most cases.
> ...


thanks for calling me stupid also.....thunderstuck.....but regardless.....there is no reason you cannot have male friends...and yes I would tell him....why would you try to bring me down like that ????


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> Like hell you will.......my cute male friends are friends.....I would never do anything with them like that.....EA or otherwise....or with the female ones for that matter.....
> 
> what am I supposed to only go out with females because I am married ......BS.....give me a break.... grow up already and realize that not all women break..... OH and if I was to want to have an EA or something else I would tell my hubby because I love him that much!!!!


I hope you're right in your case. Many have been bitten thinking the exact same thing though. It's your right do whatever you think think is okay. I just think you're playing with fire. There's all kinds of good people confused at how they let themselves get into bad situations and they are truly remorseful after the fact but then it's too late.


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I hope you're right in your case. Many have been bitten thinking the exact same thing though. It's your right do whatever you think think is okay. I just think you're playing with fire. There's all kinds of good people confused at how they let themselves get into bad situations and they are truly remorseful after the fact but then it's too late.


I understand what you meant now.....I was mad at first I felt like you were saying I was a cheater and have no hope.....that other guy made me feel stupid and like a loser....and that I cannot express myself on here....that I am too young or something or am saying something out of context.....

I am not pretty by any means so these guys would never do anything with me....so there are no worries there....and my hubby has some kind of blinders up that makes him love me....I have never figured that one out :scratchhead: I probably never will!! No one would ever have an affair with me so never to worry.....

thanks for explaining yourself....but I might go off of this sight....I feel stupid and if he can laugh at me others are probably laughing which of well nothing new....but never mind


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> thanks for calling me stupid also.....thunderstuck.....but regardless.....there is no reason you cannot have male friends...and yes I would tell him....why would you try to bring me down like that ????


I never called you that name, or any name. We have different points of view on this subject. What you are doing tends to result in damage to marriages. I hope that doesn't happen to yours, and I am truly not being sarcastic here.


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> I never called you that name, or any name. We have different points of view on this subject. What you are doing tends to result in damage to marriages. I hope that doesn't happen to yours, and I am truly not being sarcastic here.


sorry should of said you made me FEEL stupid.....


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> sorry should of said you made me FEEL stupid.....


That was not my intention. What you posted touched a nerve, and my sarcastic azz side came out. I could have worded that post better, so I apologize.


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> That was not my intention. What you posted touched a nerve, and my sarcastic azz side came out. I could have worded that post better, so I apologize.


dont apologize please it was meant how you felt I am sure....it is fine I am used to it .....that is my life thru my years...

you just knocked me down a few notches is all....I get scared to express myself when I feel dumb....so I will read threads from now on.....

and u all are probably right I will breakhuh


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Personally I think the difference is your hubby is ok with you going out and having fun, your secure with each other, your in a group instead of one on one. 

In the case of this thread she was one on one with another guy and it sounded very much like a date.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> I understand what you meant now.....I was mad at first I felt like you were saying I was a cheater and have no hope.....that other guy made me feel stupid and like a loser....and that I cannot express myself on here....that I am too young or something or am saying something out of context.....
> 
> I am not pretty by any means so these guys would never do anything with me....so there are no worries there....and my hubby has some kind of blinders up that makes him love me....I have never figured that one out :scratchhead: I probably never will!! No one would ever have an affair with me so never to worry.....
> 
> thanks for explaining yourself....but I might go off of this sight....I feel stupid and if he can laugh at me others are probably laughing which of well nothing new....but never mind


Having low self esteem is even more dangerous in OSF (opposite sex friends) scenarios. What happens when a hot guy does pay you attention. It'll feel good and you will be vulnerable because of that.


----------



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Having low self esteem is even more dangerous in OSF (opposite sex friends) scenarios. What happens when a hot guy does pay you attention. It'll feel good and you will be vulnerable because of that.


a HOT guy outside my hubby.......will never pay attention to me come on a girl only gets lucky 1x in life...


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My dad was a prick. So was my grandfather. I don't judge any men by their 'standard'.

Sorry you are having a crappy day. I'm also sorry that the women whom you chose to spend your life with are being betches.

I don't know what that has to do with me, a woman....I guess since we all have vaginas, we're all the same.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My dad was a prick. So was my grandfather. I don't judge any men by their 'standard'.

Sorry you are having a crappy day. I hope it gets better and you don't feel so powerful, which is the problem here, not women. I'm also sorry that the women whom you chose to spend your life with are being betches.

I don't know what that has to do with me, a woman....I guess since we all have vaginas, we're all the same.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

(went to edit it and it did that. Oh well. )


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

that_girl said:


> (went to edit it and it did that. Oh well. )


I think you just wanted to make sure we heard you  loud and clear.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> I think you just wanted to make sure we heard you  loud and clear.


Yea, I dunno. LOL! This Apple computer at work kinda sucks.


----------



## Smoke (Jul 17, 2012)

Sorry for being so vague about everything. I have lumped it all into one crapfest.

The company my wife works for gets special priority over the general public for concert tickets. So they poll the office and see if anyone wants tickets. She got two. She did ask if I wanted to go, and I said no. Co worker found out later that she had an extra ticket and he would go. I had known about it for a while, but it didn't really bug me too much. Since I started changing the nice guy in me, it did start to bug me. 
The timing just really sucked because it was the day after my EX wife denied me seeing my kids. (BTW my current wife has stood beside me every step for the last 8 years fighting for my kids)
I just had enough and blew up.

I really don't think she has any intentions with this guy. I just now feel even if she doesn't know it, she is on a road to bad places.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

TopazGal said:


> Like hell you will.......my cute male friends are friends.....I would never do anything with them like that.....EA or otherwise....or with the female ones for that matter.....
> 
> what am I supposed to only go out with females because I am married ......BS.....give me a break.... grow up already and realize that not all women break..... OH and if I was to want to have an EA or something else I would tell my hubby because I love him that much!!!!


So if he went out with a bunch of hot women, you'd have no issue with it?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

TopazGal said:


> so wait....my hubby is not a drinker or going out kind of guy.....so my male friends and girl friends we all get together 2 to 3x a month at a local bar and drink our asses off and have fun.....I am going out with males....quite handsome ones too....I am now not supposed to because I am married.....no I don't think so.....


This would not be ok with me. That said, this is not what the situation is here. A man picked her up at her home and took her on a date and then dropped her home.

What you are saying is an activity in a group which is a different thing. Then again I would never have married a woman who would go out without me and drink her ass off, especially with other men. You hsuband did. OMG.

Now if your husband is ok with this then fine, but if he were my friend I would smack him across the back of his head and say WTH are your thinking buddy.

Hope this works out for you guys but again a different scenario.

Is your husband ok with this completely or would he rather you not do this? Does he know?

UPDATE : Just read your threads. OMFG. Ok he needs a real smack in the head. Under the circumstances you in particular are at risk drinking your ass off with other men and you know it. Your husband has left you vulnerable AND you have now put yourself at risk. Good luck.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

TopazGal said:


> Like hell you will.......my cute male friends are friends.....I would never do anything with them like that.....EA or otherwise....or with the female ones for that matter.....
> 
> what am I supposed to only go out with females because I am married ......BS.....give me a break.... grow up already and realize that not all women break..... OH and if I was to want to have an EA or something else I would tell my hubby because I love him that much!!!!


Yes. Even in NY. 

Right. You would tell your hubby before you would have an affair.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Smoke said:


> Sorry for being so vague about everything. I have lumped it all into one crapfest.
> 
> The company my wife works for gets special priority over the general public for concert tickets. So they poll the office and see if anyone wants tickets. She got two. She did ask if I wanted to go, and I said no. Co worker found out later that she had an extra ticket and he would go. I had known about it for a while, but it didn't really bug me too much. Since I started changing the nice guy in me, it did start to bug me.
> The timing just really sucked because it was the day after my EX wife denied me seeing my kids. (BTW my current wife has stood beside me every step for the last 8 years fighting for my kids)
> ...


Look, I don't care that the company provided the tickets or a motel room for them. It was a date period.

Now this is very much on you. You messed up big time. You sould have gone with her.

So switching this up like you have does not really change this. She should have turned this down. But again you should have taken her. A company supplying tickets for people should not in anyway make it ok for folks to go out on a date. If this was a group event then fine. Very different. But even them you should have gone with her.

Not sure if you intended to bait in switch this but it really did not matter. 

There is nothing nice about a man who is ok with his wife dating other men. That is on the road to the C fetish.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

yea. She asked if you wanted to go. Why did you say no?

ETA: One should go with spouses to these things. Always. I go with Hubs to things he likes and we go to things I like...it's just what you do. Even if you don't like it. I don't get wet over motorcycles LOL But I go to the convention. Every year.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I agree, if you realized it was important to your wife, even if it was for a concert of something you found totally atrocious, you could have endured it for one night for her sake. But, you refused to go, thus you did not fulfill the opportunity for interest and companionship she wanted from you, and thus she sought that from someone else. 

If she should or shouldn't have is a question we could wrestle forever. Is it a date, is it a work event? Again, that's a bit esoteric, and everyone no doubt has their own take on it, but - the ultimate conclusion is - you turned down going with her, she told she was going to go with someone else, you still didn't change your mind, and now in hindsight, you are upset. 

Is this common? Does she often have the opportunity to go places as such, and do you often refuse/decline to go with her? Do you often refuse to be involved in things she likes? Was this something you commonly did to your ex?

This is a behavior that I think warrants investigating, as though it upsets you (perhaps rightly) that she is seeking this attention elsewhere, if you make it clear she isn't going to get it from you, you are setting up your own failure.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Also, while it is on a tangent, I find it amusing the implication that how concerned you should be about how close a spouse/partner is getting to opposite sex friends should be relative to how attractive either party is. 

People leave/cheat on attractive spouses for less-attractive people all the time. Have you ever seen the women Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with, or - the woman that Halle Berry's husband cheated on her with?

While yes, more attractive people are more likely to be subject to "offers" - things are more complex than that. As pointed out above, the goal should be making sure you aren't purposefully leaving holes in your relationship that others can insert themselves into, regardless if you, your partner, their friends, or your friends are "hot or not."


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> so wait....my hubby is not a drinker or going out kind of guy.....so my male friends and girl friends we all get together 2 to 3x a month at a local bar and drink our asses off and have fun.....I am going out with males....quite handsome ones too....I am now not supposed to because I am married.....no I don't think so.....


That's fine. Now, will you also accept the possibility that your husband may not like it and may one of these days not be ok with it if he sees or hears something he does not like?

I never met a woman who told me "i can see myself cheating on my husband...". Yet, everyday it happens. People exaggerate to themselves their ability for self control. Specially when there is drinking in the mix.

If one of these days your husband expresses discomfort over your "party time" what will you do?



that_girl said:


> yea. She asked if you wanted to go. Why did you say no?
> 
> ETA: One should go with spouses to these things. Always. I go with Hubs to things he likes and we go to things I like...it's just what you do. Even if you don't like it. I don't get wet over motorcycles LOL But I go to the convention. Every year.


Come on, those things have only 2 wheels, lots of horsepower and let the wind flow through your hair, how can you not get wet over it?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> Also, while it is on a tangent, I find it amusing the implication that how concerned you should be about how close a spouse/partner is getting to opposite sex friends should be relative to how attractive either party is.
> 
> People leave/cheat on attractive spouses for less-attractive people all the time. Have you ever seen the women Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with, or - the woman that Halle Berry's husband cheated on her with?
> 
> While yes, more attractive people are more likely to be subject to "offers" - things are more complex than that. As pointed out above, the goal should be making sure you aren't purposefully leaving holes in your relationship that others can insert themselves into, regardless if you, your partner, their friends, or your friends are "hot or not."


EAs start on an emotional level by definition. There may or may not be much of a sexual attraction at the beginning.

The friendship builds a connection which cause oxytocin to roam free in the brain. Since many woman need to connect before they can have sex it seems logical then to me anyway that at some point this situation could morph into a more romantic one which begins the dopamine rush. And there you go.

If one was worried about someone getting into a ONS then looks may be more important. But when one is talking about someone hanging out together, arguably dating them then you cannot look at physical beauty alone.

EAs are freindships that morph in romances. This is how we are made. We pair up this way.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Not all of us women are bad. I do my very best to please my husband. The same went for my ex h who treated me like dirt. I always had hope he'd change for the better. He didn't, so I moved on. 

I really support my husband to the best of my ability. He's a truly nice guy and deserves nothing but the best. There are other women who do the same. Just saying....


----------

