# Wife started being sappy and acting helpless



## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

My wife and I are on the tail end of comeback. I took her for granted, she started detaching, went semi LD on me for several years, I wised up, learned and applied some things and got the frequency up but the other affection was still lacking until the past few weeks. 

She is now doing things that I like that she has not done in years. She started initiated cuddling, kissy face, hugs, strokes, touching in and outside the bedroom. 

She also started acting helpless which she is far from. In the past 36 hours she couldn't find the soap, couldn't reset a circuit breaker, couldn't find the oil in the kitchen, asked me to open a jar, help her cook, etc

It all seems like a damsel in distress ploy to be near me and create rescue me situations. 

After her nearly hating me for several years, it's exciting to be "flirted" with even if it's ridiculous. 

I go rescue her from the spaghetti jar that's hard to open and then she starts smooching on me and rubbing my tool. 

Good times. 

Any of you benefit from your wife acting helpless to get your attention lately? I love it including the transparency. 

LOL So phuckin silly but what the hell. I am gonna run with it. 

She also has a mischievous grin on her face when she asks me for some ridiculous unneeded help and then approaches me. 

I'm like a school kid with this new flirty thing she is doing. 

Anyone else have their wife acting this way after five years of near hatred and a couple years of come back action?

I am nearing the final layer of ice between us melting off. 

I am hopeful.

We are going to the drive in in a few minutes. I am hoping she can't keep her hands to herself. 

She is in a great mood. WTF?

Aint life grand when you got some sexy broad making google eyes and flippin her hair around looking at you with those take me big boy glittery eyes?

Stoked about those mischievous hands on me in the dark of the night. 

Marriage is a crazy phuckin ride with these friggen aliens from venus.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

thread the needle said:


> My wife and I are on the tail end of comeback. I took her for granted, she started detaching, went semi LD on me for several years, I wised up, learned and applied some things and got the frequency up but the other affection was still lacking until the past few weeks.
> 
> She is now doing things that I like that she has not done in years. She started initiated cuddling, kissy face, hugs, strokes, touching in and outside the bedroom.
> 
> ...



All I have to say is... enjoy every second of it. She is telling you what turns her on. You "taking care of her" seems to really get her motor running for you. Rescuing her, etc. 

My wife is like that. 


Something to think about... my wife always wanted to be taken care of by me, kinda like a little girl. I didn't understand that at first. But, knowing what I know now, knowing how much she feels loved whenever I do such things for her, and seeing how she expresses that love....

Why on earth would I ever go back? I have a wife that adores me. I love every second of it. 

Keep giving her what she craves. Trust me, it's worth it. 
Marriage is indeed a crazy ride. And I fvckng love it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

You're a lucky man. Go for it!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

How else are we going to get you to bring out your manliness at home.
Heck, I can never get the bulb out of that stupid fixture, I need help.
That stupid door keeps making so much noise when opening or closing.

We have to let you guys do things around the house. We need to show you we need you. If we can do everything, then, you guys start feeling unwanted and not needed. Then, you go find a woman who "needs you".

So, you guys enjoy it. Have fun. Keeping it going onnnn!

:laugh:


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

technovelist said:


> You're a lucky man. Go for it!


He is indeed lucky... however, I have a feeling that he has forged his circumstances by his own actions. 

He did what very, VERY, few men are willing to do. 
Deliver an ultimatum while still wanting to love his spouse. 
Iron balls with a caring hand. 
Luck is only part of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

You read a lot here about this kind of feigned spousal helplessness...

Too bad so much of it seems to occur in the bedroom.:|


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Good for you, enjoy!

So was it your own actions that led to this (as someone has suggested) or where there other factors such as kids leaving home, less time in the office, etc? I'm sure many want to learn more!


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> He is indeed lucky... however, I have a feeling that he has forged his circumstances by his own actions.
> 
> He did what very, VERY, few men are willing to do.
> Deliver an ultimatum while still wanting to love his spouse.
> ...


Oh, absolutely. But even when someone does all the necessary work, they also need luck in the form of a responsive spouse.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> Iron balls with a caring hand.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I lol'd.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

aine said:


> was it your own actions that led to this (as someone has suggested) or where there other factors such as kids leaving home, less time in the office, etc? I'm sure many want to learn more!


Success gets more success. My current situation was built up from a very bleak beginning that I have written about in other threads. 

It was a dedicated effort to fix what I and many, many others have effed. I would attribute our comeback to getting rid of what I am now calling unhealthy alpha, putting healthy alpha back in gear after some complacency and laziness on my part and adding healthy beta. 

My most recent very pleasing development was instant gratification three out of four times she asked for something and saying no or delaying the fourth. I sped up the response time to immediate and denied the other. It is working like a secret decoder ring. 

I recommend a different ratio to a friend of mine who has a bigger hole to fill. He has a situation that calls for a 5 out of 6 yes to no ratio with an urgent responsiveness that indicates that she is his priority. 

I seems like very silly PUA BS but works ridiculously well for both of us. I think the immediate cheerful, urgent response, instead of with a $hitty attitude for being bothered for something silly, goes over huge, because she is a priority and knows it, and the no let's her know the decision is mine, and I usually choose her over whatever else is going on, while maintaining independence, so I don't appear pu$$y whipped. 

I am monumentally happy to have my renewed hottie to jump some for, that wants my attention, and rewards it with all that sexy banter and playful flirtiness. 

The immediate response the majority of the time assures my wife her simple requests are my priority, ahead of whatever else I am doing, which she was not during my idiot workaholic, taking her for grated stage, that almost cost me my marriage, and life as I knew it and want it. She knows and feels like a priority and the panties are coming off. 

I also let her know I didn't like her "always direct" approach to seduction, and told her how sexy her flirty approach was very sexy and powerful over my self control. I asked her if she wanted to be sexy and powerful and insisted on an answer. 

All these little steps put gas on the fire. It's a sizable ball of fire getting bigger at the moment. I am playing it cool but loving it at the moment. 

Apparently she likes to be sexy and powerful and flirty. It's so silly and fun and such a sexy turn on for me that she likes it. Ir feels like I am making a kitty purr. It just feels so good to get a positive expression of pleasure from each other like that even prior to the sexual part in and outside the bedroom, kitchen, closet, bathroom, om top of the fridge, back seat, etc LOL.

Whatever battle is fought to get there, it is worth it if you can crack the code of inspiration and desire again that was lost from a lack of wisdom, insight and bad habits of complacency and laziness. You have to get stoked up again.

I have learned much including not self rejecting along the way, being aware of responsive desire along the way, being aware of love languages along the way (my wife is acts of service, QT and words of affirmation) I hit them phuckers with a vengeance because I want the delicious prizes for providing those simple things for her and it works. Being a little mysterious has also been helpful. 

I never tell my wife my problems. I just go solve them like a bad ass so she doesn't worry and is not burdened by them. I ask and value her opinion on some enjoyable things and just take care of others without expecting a reward because it is what I am supposed to do as the man of the house.

I became fun and funny again making her laugh and don't bring any bull**** or drama into the house from business. I adopted a positive get er done attitude about everything. 

I have always been pretty fearless but I complained too much in the past like she wanted to hear that pansy bull$hit instead of me just slaying dragons in my sleep like I am supposed to. If I want to piss my pants now, I do it with my bros over a beer. and laugh it off like I caught myself being a lil bitvh after they give me some $hit about it. I dropped the complaining and became a man of action. I learned to take a "no" without pouting like a little teen bitvh too. My wife's ears are not my dumping ground any more. What she hears now is inspiring, fun, sexy, uplifting, positive while authentic. 

I have my bros and my dog for any of that needed whiney venting krap. Why dump it on the object of your affection. Whining aint sexy so don't dump it on your sexy prospect. It's bad for business LOL. 

Once in a while she will ask me if something is wrong and I get that concerned pouty preoccupied drama bull$hit look off and give her attention and a genuine smile and flirty banter like I have seen skillfully done by the most effective people in a lead role. I am inspired to be a source of comfort instead of scaring the hel! out of her for no good reason. It's unnecessary, stupid and destructive to her feeling safe and secure. She wants to know "I hot this $hit beat too. It's just another day at the office slaying dragons large and small"

Eventually she trusted me with her heart again and all is rebuilt. The next project is the maintenance and staying power. 

$hit like that is how I arrived at this great place. 

I am stoked that the investments paid off. It's a blast and feels ridiculously amazing smooching and snuggling and flirting and seducing and lighting her engine and getting her purring and all that jazz. 

Here is a couple consistent and very specific recipes to get things out of the hole you might be in. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...t-fell-back-love-saving-16-year-marriage.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...66538-things-worked-improve-hd-ld-issues.html

What she really took to was the commitment to kissing goodbye. That became her signature favorite good will builder thing that broke the first thousand icicles and built that ever vital good will needed to build a foundation and open up possibilities for continued relentless reignition to this bitter sweet place we are going into now.

We are still on this journey but I am convinced with focus, we will be arriving to that place I have been striving to get back to for a very long time. I hope to be putting the icing on the cake very soon. I am thinking weeks now instead of years and then months.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

thread the needle said:


> Success gets more success. My current situation was built up from a very bleak beginning that I have written about in other threads.


The current success in my marriage was also built from very bleak and dysfunctional years of discontent and disconnect.

I enjoyed your posts in this thread tremendously. Your enthusiasm and giddy happiness is so refreshing to read about! Congratulations!




> I never tell my wife my problems. I just go solve them like a bad ass so she doesn't worry and is not burdened by them. I ask and value her opinion on some enjoyable things and just take care of others without expecting a reward.


This kind of concerns me. For me as a wife, I would not be happy to know my husband was not confiding to me his concerns. Okay maybe I don't need to hear about the damn rush hour traffic, or be b!tched out for all the lights left on (just turn them off and yell at the kids yourself!) but if he is worrying over something, I would want to know about it. I would want the opportunity to help, I would want to feel as if I am important enough to be made aware of both the good and the bad.



> I became fun and funny again making her laugh and don't bring any bull**** or drama into the house from business. I adopted a positive get er done attitude about everything.


One of the things that initially attracted me to my husband was that he made me laugh. We laugh together again, he cracks me up again. It's brought a light hearted connection that is actually pretty meaningful.





> I have always been pretty fearless but I complained too much in the past like she wanted to hear that pansy bull$hit instead of me just slaying dragons in my sleep like I am supposed to.* If I want to piss my pants now I do it with my bros over a beer and laugh it off like a lil ***** after they give me some $hit about it.* I dropped the complaining and became a man of action. I learned to take a "no" without pouting like a little teen bitvh. My wife's ears are not my dumping ground any more. What she hears now is inspiring, fun or sexy.
> 
> I am inspired to be a *source of comfort instead of scaring the hel! out of her for no good reason*. It's unnecessary, stupid and destructive to her feeling safe and secure..


My husband has developed a life outside of work and home and it's been a positive thing for both of us. I can't stress this enough, if a husband relies on his wife for all social outlets he is making a huge mistake. Husbands should have friends they socialize with away from their wives or marriages. 

Maybe in the beginning or a reconciliation staying away from sharing your concerns and or fears about things is a good idea, and I know every woman is different, but for me I think my husband is being aware of the balance of interactions be more positive and inspiring than troubling and concerning is best. Like you, in the past it felt like his only feeling he could share was worry and concern about work and about finances. His answer was always no or a noncommittal grunt. But now his usually says yes. In fact, I find myself worrying that there are too many yeses and worrying if I should limits my requests so as not to force him into something he really doesn't want. Go figure!




> Eventually she trusted me with her heart again and all is rebuilt. The next project is the maintenance and staying power.
> 
> What she really took to was the commitment to kissing goodbye.



My husband is affectionate now on his own. In front of the kids, in front of his family, at the store, doesn't matter when the idea hits to grab me for a kiss and bear hug he does it and I live it. It makes me feel like a priority; I'm more important than "propriety" and it shows that he does have tender feelings toward me.

I love your thread and the insights you've shared. Congratulations on your reconciliation!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

technovelist said:


> Oh, absolutely. But even when someone does all the necessary work, they also need luck in the form of a responsive spouse.


At one point your wife was responsive to you, right? What about YOU is different now? What about YOU was inspiring her TO respond back when she did respond?

This is what Thread the Needle is talking about. He did the work that he could do, the work on himself...and his wife responded better. 

So what work can you do on yourself?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> At one point your wife was responsive to you, right? What about YOU is different now? What about YOU was inspiring her TO respond back when she did respond?
> 
> This is what Thread the Needle is talking about. He did the work that he could do, the work on himself...and his wife responded better.
> 
> So what work can you do on yourself?


As I mentioned in another thread, this is not about me.

My wife is responsive to me and has been responsive during our marriage. I came across the red pill material while proactively seeking for ways to maintain that after noticing some diminution in that responsiveness.

Hope that helps.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

technovelist said:


> As I mentioned in another thread, this is not about me.
> 
> My wife is responsive to me and has been responsive during our marriage. I came across the red pill material while proactively seeking for ways to maintain that after noticing some diminution in that responsiveness.
> 
> Hope that helps.



It sort of helps but I'm still confused. I haven't seen the other post that you referenced. 

I did see this post (below) in this thread that led me to believe you were shrugging off the cause and effect of how a husband behaves to how his wife responds. 

Perhaps it's just me but I've noticed a tone of irate resentment in some of your other posts, which lead me to believe that your wife isn't responding to you. But now I understand that your wife does respond to you...so where does the tone of irate resentment toward women in general come from? 

Maybe I'm being short sighted but I have a difficult time believing a man in a happy marriage with a wife who responds would be at all interested in that red pill stuff. I mean "if it ain't broke don't fix it" applies in your marriage why would you be so enamoured with red pill?




technovelist said:


> Oh, absolutely. But even when someone does all the necessary work, they also need luck in the form of a responsive spouse.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> The current success in my marriage was also built from very bleak and dysfunctional years of discontent and disconnect


Bravo to you and yours. We must get the word out that it can be done with the proper application of a "reconnection knowledge-base" that is available in these electrons and must be wisely adjusted for the individual spouses involved. 

Do you agree that EVERY rebuilding effort MUST include a GOOD WILL BUILDER that is AS DAILY AS POSSIBLE? 

For us it was the kiss goodbye that started it all even in the very bleakest moments.



Anon Pink said:


> I enjoyed your posts in this thread tremendously. Your enthusiasm and giddy happiness is so refreshing to read about! Congratulations!


I feel like a school kid at the moment. Thank you for enjoying it with us. 



Anon Pink said:


> This kind of concerns me. For me as a wife, I would not be happy to know my husband was not confiding to me his concerns


I will start a thread about emotional bank accounts that will address this but the point is we all need to understand that dumping and burdening our spouses takes a toll and that is fine if their is enough gas being put into the tank from good stuff but too often we are not refueling that fuel needed to out positive the negative tolls as our spouse slowly becomes a garbage can of our problems. 

In due time I will begin to share the challenges more but right now she needs to know I can handle my own $hit and much if not all of hers so she can count on me to be a source of strength and action in lieu of being a predictable drag on and addition to her own burdens.



Anon Pink said:


> Okay maybe I don't need to hear about the damn rush hour traffic, or be b!tched out for all the lights left on (just turn them off and yell at the kids yourself!) .


KEY POINT!!!! It's soooo stupid to be an incessant complainer while trying to get laid , lift someone up, make them smile and have them love on you. 

Unless a point of frustration can be made in a hilarious self deprecating way that is not an attack on your spouses worth or behavior then STFU and say something that generates warmth and interest instead of frustration and annoyance at you. 

Complaining is like water on the fire. It puts it out.




Anon Pink said:


> but if he is worrying over something, I would want to know about it. I would want the opportunity to help, I would want to feel as if I am important enough to be made aware of both the good and the bad.


This is a key area to get right. I believe there is too much burden placed on spouses when a husband or wife ought take more responsibility for taking out their own life trash. 

I have been working on my understanding of codependence vs love wisdom available so I can tidy up that area of my understanding but my first inclination is if I can handle my own litter, why be a burden to my sexy lover killing her libido in the process? 

Our first date didn't include dumping burdens on her. When is it ok to start dumping burdens and what good does it do? Which of those burdens can be eliminated from her plate? 

What deposits in the emotional bank account have been made to pay for those burdens that are costing appeal and desire and relaxation? Is there enough in the emotional bank to pay for the toll of those burdens or have we been complacent letting the balance go negative. 

It's all about where we are at at the time as to how much I want to DUMP on my lover. Sometimes all I need is a romp and that fuel gets me inspired to slay the dragon. If I kill libido with burden dumps, I don't get the romp I need for my rocket fuel to get the jib done. 

It's a wise balance and timing thing. 



Anon Pink said:


> One of the things that initially attracted me to my husband was that he made me laugh. We laugh together again, he cracks me up again. It's brought a light hearted connection that is actually pretty meaningful.



Good will good will good will and deposits in the emotional bank account that gets lost as we get lazy, Never stop making your lover laugh or you're going to be a BIG SAD LONELY DUMMY LOL



Anon Pink said:


> My husband has developed a life outside of work and home and it's been a positive thing for both of us. I can't stress this enough, if a husband relies on his wife for all social outlets he is making a huge mistake. Husbands should have friends they socialize with away from their wives or marriages.


Laziness is the cause. Being interesting and having something to be admired for like independence is part of that dynamic. It's attractive for sure. 



Anon Pink said:


> Maybe in the beginning or a reconciliation staying away from sharing your concerns and or fears about things is a good idea, and I know every woman is different, but for me I think my husband is being aware of the balance of interactions be more positive and inspiring than troubling and concerning is best.


100% agree. When my wife and I stopped talking about our horrible relationship and started doing fun things, making the best of it with fake it til we make it strategies and started cracking jokes and keeping it light hearted we started to associate fun, happiness and good times with each other instead of someone to avoid because it would be all heavy sad topics every time we were together. Gotta stop that $hit to BUILD SOME GOOD WILL to fuel the love




Anon Pink said:


> Like you, in the past it felt like his only feeling he could share was worry and concern about work and about finances. His answer was always no or a noncommittal grunt. But now his usually says yes. In fact, I find myself worrying that there are too many yeses and worrying if I should limits my requests so as not to force him into something he really doesn't want. Go figure!


LOL Both of you give a $hit about the other and are MINDFUL again of what you burden the other with. That is the key. Get the balance of dumping and delighting each other instead of assuming the trash can is never overflowing already.

Sometimes the best thing to do with whining is to get over it on your own and STFU and say something funny.

I think badsanta said his strategy is to be fun to be around and trash someone she hates if that doesn't work. I agree LOL

Whiners are never fun unless it's a comedy routine about shared angst in a funny way. The best way to whine is to laugh at the way your own dumb a$$ cant handle life's predictable daily irritations without losing your $hit. If you can't laugh at your pathetic handling of silly irritations then SHUTUP right?



Anon Pink said:


> My husband is affectionate now on his own. In front of the kids, in front of his family, at the store, doesn't matter when the idea hits to grab me for a kiss and bear hug he does it and I love it. It makes me feel like a priority; I'm more important than "propriety" and it shows that he does have tender feelings toward me.


Love it. 



Anon Pink said:


> I love your thread and the insights you've shared. Congratulations on your reconciliation!


You too! Cheers!


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> the cause and effect of how a husband behaves to how his wife responds


Back to the first most bleak days this is the first concept being able to fix my marriage by myself by changing only my actions causing cause and effect, that gave me hope and made sense. It allowed me to take 100% responsibility for my own outcomes instead of blaming my spouse. 

In my case my belief is an adult is supposed to get results and accept responsibility. A spouse reacts to actions, behavior, communications, tone, attitude, etc. 

If you want the results, then learn the approach needed to get them. 

The frustration and resentment come in with a vengeance when the results don't come fast enough. Enjoying many small and even tiny victories along the way and BUILDING GOOD WILL for FUTURE FUEL to keep the progress going are the key. 

FIX ANYTHING and stick with it and BUILD on it. 

If you back slide, you will have to pay for it. Get over it and keep it going. Chug chug chug along and get er done


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

So Thread, let me ask you this:

Are you also the smartest, most informed man in the world every time a movie or TV show comes on? For instance:

Hey, isn't that the guy that was in that other thing?

What kind of helicopters are those?

What year is this supposed to be?

Was this before or after WWI?

Where is The Netherlands?

Is he the killer?

The Financial Times is pink? Why? What is the Financial Times?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

He does not have to be the smartest. He just have to respond to his wife's need. Everyone of us wants to be needed and appreciated. Her responds brings out something satisfying in him. No one is being harmed and they are enjoying it.

The Financial Times are't pink. Just the pink sheets.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Forest said:


> So Thread, let me ask you this:
> 
> Are you also the smartest, most informed man in the world every time a movie or TV show comes on? For instance:
> 
> ...


???


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> It sort of helps but I'm still confused. I haven't seen the other post that you referenced.
> 
> I did see this post (below) in this thread that led me to believe you were shrugging off the cause and effect of how a husband behaves to how his wife responds.
> 
> ...


As I mentioned in another thread, my marriage has been reasonably happy all along. However, I was detecting some signs of potential issues. Since I am pro-active in areas that significantly affect my life, most certainly including my marriage, I decided to try to find out how intersexual relations actually work. 

What my research indicated was that I had fortunately behaved in a reasonably alpha way, especially when we met. But I had taken risks I hadn't understood at the time that could have seriously messed up my marriage.

Now I have a fairly good grasp of the actual mechanisms, so I know what pitfalls to avoid and how to keep things running along smoothly.

I hope that clarifies my situation.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Forest said:


> So Thread, let me ask you this: Are you also the smartest, most informed man in the world every time a movie or TV show comes on?


No quite the contrary. For example I do not know if you are being respectful or snarky and it isn't relevant since I don't mind answering. 

I prefer great depth of analysis and understanding over breadth of useless trivia. 

In my pursuits, my habit is to strive to acquire what is available and then innovate past the state the art. I use knowledge from many fields to raise the bar on whatever my current pursuit is. 

In the instance of getting better results in my marriage I invested the time needed to take it where I wanted it go while evaluating the personal cost along the way to determine if the benefits and cost are worth it. 

As long as I see a pursuit worthy, I am relentless. The minute I do not, I am done with it.

Worthless knowledge doesn't interest me. I never wanted to be a Jeopardy champion even if I admire them because they exceed their own yardstick even if mine is entirely different.

I love to offer bankable answers. People in my life count on me for them and they can.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Nah, not snarky. The above "movie questions" is routine anytime we seem to sit down to watch anything. Its like I'm supposed to have instant retrievable access to any question that can ever come up in a movie.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Great posts, but personally I have the best luck by getting upset and throwing temper tantrums. The wife and I'll agree to schedule intimacy and then she reschedules, which I am pretty sure is her way of making me go apesh!t just to see WTF I will do to as entertainment to prove my love for her. If I get angry and spiteful in my temper tantrum, then that is bad and she ignores and avoids me for a few days. If I get creative, and romantic with my temper tantrums then whoa baby!!!!!

One key is also to preemptively assume the evening will end in horrible disaster so that you are mentally prepared and can keep your cool. When you have had a great day and the evening comes and she is "too tired," you don't have to worry because you have a bluetooth speaker setup in the attic over the bed remotely controlled to make scratching and clawing noises like some animal is in the crawl space of the house. This of course wakes your wife up and freaks her out a little. Then you tell her you will go take care of it, but that you are a lover and that you refuse to hurt what ever animal that is in the house and that you are going to teach that animal to love. You then pound the wall and say, "you hear me!" Then you of course have the speaker set to play very inappropriate sexual sounds and say, "now that is what I'm talking about!" You then turn around and kick the edge of the bed and say to your wife, "you awake now?!" 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Sounds a bit like my wife.
We all get the image of the warrior wife. Fed to us by the media.
Stupid me took years to figure out my wife is somewhat submissive and EXPECTS to be led. This does NOT mean unilateral decisions. It means I have to come up with most major plans and present them as "I think we should do X" then let her respond. I do the driving when together, she wants it that way, even for short drives and it means I undo all her seat settings as Im a foot taller. I get sh!t tests a couple times a year. Drives me nuts, but recognizing and (politely but firmly) shutting them down makes her super sweet (and horny) for a week or two.

You married who you married. Your job is to figure her out as best you can.


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