# Wife EA really need some help!!



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Hi, first post so appreciate any help that could be offered,

I recently found a horny devil face  like this on my wife facebook account, just appeared when phone was left next to me from a man she shared no friends with which straight away started alarm bells. My wife noticed that i looked a bit pissed when she waled in the room to get phone asked what was up, left and came back a few minutes later asking if i was annoyed by what id seen! She said it was a guy who had purchased an old phone we had sold through a baby selling facebook site. and he was weird and just sends stuff like that ok to his friends.

Anyway this was on the 28th December my little girls first birthday party. She could see all day i was pissed out by seeing a horny devil face sent from a random bloke, when we came home we argued a little about it and she said she had unadded him as a friend and blocked him. I thought nothing more of him until i started to think about it a few days later i remebered she also brought some other toys of him on two other occasions. 

Upon more pushing i got out that they would occasionaly chat on facebook about life in general, tv programes and that they were both moving soon etc...Nothing dodgy just chit chat!! 

Anyway fast forward and with some more pushing it turns out he sent her a erotic poem just the once she thought it was weird and she didnt reply. Still this seemed really strange and i kept pushing i knew who the other person was on facebook so i would look at his page he was married with two children. She said she had blocked all his emails so he couldnt email her at work etc.. she also said they never spoke on the phone other than to arrange to sell they toys he came to our house once to buy the phone, and she meet him twice at work to buy the toys. The first toy was slightly damanged so she asked me if i thought it was a good idea to try get something for free at the time i had no idea this had gone on so i said yes why not, so she txt him and arranged to meet him a 3rd time to get some free stuff. Anyway i wasnt completely sure she was telling the whole truth.

More pushing and it turns out she was "flirting" with him nothing bad just making her ego bit bigger as apparently no one ever compliments her other than me and after our little girl it felt good.

I said i wanted it to stop really wasnt happy with it and explained it had made me extremly upset to think of my wife doing this, and she said it had completely stopped when i found the devil face. I went to work on the 6th Jan whilst i was there had a look at his facebook and he had all these poems and film quotes about love/being in love/missing someone pictures from films my wife loves all over his page the list was endless. but what really got me is we had just watched the new batman film together trying to make some us time, And OM had changed his profile to the Joker and wrote "iam the joker" i went ****ing mental as i couldnt see how he would have known we watched that film as he was blocked from her page i confrunted her and she said she wasnt sure how he had seen it i then checked her blocked list and guess what he wasnt on there and she had no idea how that happened either what bad luck hey!!!

I was asking all sorts of stuff now managed to get out that the flirting had gone a bit to far and she was trying to get out of the mess she was in as the "harmless fun" had changed his doing i may add apparently. I demanded that she block him but she couldnt now as he had blocked her, leaving him free to cancel whenever and have a look at her page etc...

She admited she liked the erotic poems he sent her but it had nothing to with him just a "fantasy life" she would lose herself in nothing to worry about but she was feeling down because of some stress in her life and it was an escape. she said he had copied two pictures of her facebook she hadnt sent them to him one of her pregnant (thats weird to me) and one of her in a bikini and he had send a topless one to her which she deleted straight away. The whole time she was saying she wanted it to end but was cared her harmless flirting would come out so stayed in touch to get him to delete the emails and he wouldnt so she tried being nice to him as it had gone a lot further than she had wanted it to. I accepeted that i had no reason to ever doubt her and she said she was sorry but it wasnt what i was thinking, just harmless flirting to boost her ego nothing more nothing less. She had a night planned that night i said for her to still go even though we were arguing and not speaking that much because of this..

When she went out i look at her laptop hacked into her email and couldnt see anything so i applied to restore the emails etc.. I also looked at her history and all i saw was searches for erotic poems i went mental again and when she came home i blew of the handle and said if you werent sending them back why look for them etc.. She liked them she said and dreamt about us in them and he also tried to turn it to dirty talk and to shut him up she said imagine me sucking your .... but that was the only thing she said. Once again i forgave her and believed her. She could see this was messing me up and i kept asking making sure she wasnt speaking to him in any form she kept assuring me she wasnt it ended ages ago and it wasnt what i thought it was etc...we started to get on a bit better and i forgave and started to forget however when ever she left the room id check her phone etc..

23rd jan had a sneak at her phone went through her email contacts found one for "[email protected]"
i forgot to add he called her snow white and she called him prince charming,
Anyway wrote it down waited till she was out and tried finding out about this email account, it had been deactivated on the 
13th jan, i set about opening it back up wasnt hard as know loads of wifes details now this is where is gets interesting...

It turns out she had opened up another account i knew nothing off "i had asked if she had any, she said no" 

She had opened this up to "keep a little bit of him in her life" she said i read poems he was sending her about being apart and lost love etc.. on one she wrote she cried and wouldnt be able to read that again.. This OM had a huge hold over my wife like i couldnt believe. He at one point stopped speaking to her so she changed her facebook picture to one i sent her about our wedding as a ****ing calling card for him as she knew he would get back in contact with her when he saw it that devasated me as i saw her change it and thought she had done it for me!!! They spoke on the phone several times for hr a go, still emailed each other, she even said 

"i think my husband wants to fit a tracker to me incase i meet you lol, he is still so weary cant risk a thing"

Im dying though heartache and she thinks its funny she say not now and i missing reading it she meant that they wouldnt meet thats what she was laughing at, he wrote that she was always tell him where she was going that day i have sinced found out that was her way of not actually saying meet me in so many words but hoping her would show up!! I dont believe they ever meet other than the 3 times although the 3rd time i now know it had stepped over the line and was more than chit chat and that was the time she asked me if i think she should get more toys so she basically asked my permission to see him and i said yes, they sat in his car for 30mins (her lunch break) he gave her a cd and 50 shades of grey> which she then brough home and said she borrowed of a friend maybe she could read it to spice up our sex life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The phone calls were deal makers where she agreed to leave her facebook open for him to "sneeky peak" at and his for her, she also agreed that she wouldnt close this account down but wouldnt check it to which he replied "yer right" 

I could see she was trying to end it saying stuff like i cannot have two passionate love's in my life i love my husband and dont want it to change.

The situation now is ive been left DEAD to her we've started MC as she says she didnt mean anything and if anything he never had her heart just a small piece of her mind and she got carried away with it like living a fantasy, my huge problem is imagine i had rolled over at that first thing i saw on fb then what she didnt stop when she knew i was dying slowly becasue of this so would she have stopped if i hadnt pushed and continued to ask questions etc.. im so lost now dont know whether i still love her hopefully mc helps..

any ideas


----------



## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You can't NICE her out of this affair.

Her most recent statement about him just having a piece of her mind, not her heart, is just more of the same and I can guarantee you that she is NOT going to give up contacting this guy, she is just playing along with you and biding her time.

If you want to end this, expose it to his wife. DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOU ARE DOING THIS, just do it.

Tell your wife that there must be absolutely zero contact from this moment forward. If she breaks this, then expose the affair to your and her families and file for divorce.

You've tried it your way, trusting your wife and believing she will end it, and she has continued it time after time. Try it this way now.


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

What does his wife say about this ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

She said he phoned her work number few days ago, and sounded like a different person because I'd been emailing him threatning to tell his wife unless I got answers which he never replied to I might add nothing but a coward! He asked my wife if he should tell me what I want to know she said there wasn't a point because like they were then they could still contact each other so I wouldn't believe it now! He also said he would be telling his wife obviously to avoid me doing so, not that I could he blocked me from there FB so couldn't MSG in the end I asked her dad through FB for her to get in contact with me, she hadn't but I noticed on his page all the posts about my wife had gone so I'm assuming she knows now! I posted a pic of him and her on my fake FB page with your husband is a cheat under it so I think her dad would have seen it and told her.

I'm so torn since this came out my wife and I have argued so much and going from a completely happy marriage (so i thought) to this is a huge shock for me, it little things like I had to ask her to delete FB she didn't offer at the start, she has done it now also changed mobile number at my request although she says she wanted to before I knew about but was scared to incase I suspected anything. I believe her that nothing physical happened as she has had a bad bush downstairs for sometime and that would have gone if did ha!

We've gone to MC got another seperate one tuesday and joint one Wednesday and have agreed to 8 more. I've seem my wife is completely broken at the thought of losing me she is on anti drepesanra
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> You can't NICE her out of this affair.
> 
> Her most recent statement about him just having a piece of her mind, not her heart, is just more of the same and I can guarantee you that she is NOT going to give up contacting this guy, she is just playing along with you and biding her time.
> 
> ...


^^^ Really, do this. Don't let fear stop you. Man way up and show her what you simply won't put up with in your marriage.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

She said he phoned her work number few days ago, and sounded like a different person because I'd been emailing him threatning to tell his wife unless I got answers which he never replied to I might add nothing but a coward! He asked my wife if he should tell me what I want to know she said there wasn't a point because like they were then they could still contact each other so I wouldn't believe it now! He also said he would be telling his wife obviously to avoid me doing so, not that I could he blocked me from there FB so couldn't MSG in the end I asked her dad through FB for her to get in contact with me, she hadn't but I noticed on his page all the posts about my wife had gone so I'm assuming she knows now! I posted a pic of him and her on my fake FB page with your husband is a cheat under it so I think her dad would have seen it and told her.

I'm so torn since this came out my wife and I have argued so much and going from a completely happy marriage (so i thought) to this is a huge shock for me, it little things like I had to ask her to delete FB she didn't offer at the start, she has done it now also changed mobile number at my request although she says she wanted to before I knew about but was scared to incase I suspected anything. I believe her that nothing physical happened as she has had a bad bush downstairs for sometime and that would have gone if did ha!

We've gone to MC got another seperate one tuesday and joint one Wednesday and have agreed to 8 more. I've seem my wife is completely broken at the thought of losing me she is on anti-depressants and seems to be completely gutted at the thought of losing me crying and begging with what appears to be all her worth for me not to leave, she has been completely transparent with passwords etc... However I refer back to the decet in the first place so always will have doubts. I can see she is doing anything she can to keep me I do believe that much, my problem is if the damage has already been done...but there is so much to think about like our little girl I would die if couldn't wake up with her every morning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> ...I believe her that nothing physical happened as she has had a bad bush downstairs for sometime and that would have gone if did ha!


Not necessarily. And why would you believe anything she's telling you about this? You really need to start from the premise that her first response is to completely lie. Her next response is to admit to only what she thinks you know. Then she continues to trickle out the truth as you go through the painful process of uncovering more of the truth and confronting her with every new bit. Cheaters won't tell you the truth usually because they are afraid you will walk. This is what they are afraid of. This is what you can use to get your truth.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

I just hope the MC can make me see what we had cause i truly believe her that she is so sorry certain stuff like the calling card she appears so ashamed she cannot look me in the eye when I speak about that as I sent her the pic as was to do with our wedding. She has admitted she got caught up in the emails and at first they were just light hearted but it changed and she enjoyed it made her feel like a woman again after having our baby at first she laughed at the poems she said then she started reading them and enjoyed them and then he had that tiny part of her kid she said. When I was there she wouldn't contact him but at work she would and when I was out, 24 emails were exchange in 3days so Incan only assume the amount that were in the 9wks before!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Not kid mind I meant sorry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

alte Dame said:


> Not necessarily. And why would you believe anything she's telling you about this? You really need to start from the premise that her first response is to completely lie. *Her next response is to admit to only what she **thinks you know*. *Then she continues to trickle out the truth as you go through the painful process of uncovering more of the truth and confronting her with every new bit. Cheaters won't tell you the truth usually because they **are afraid you will walk.* This is what they are afraid of. This is what you can use to get your truth.


100% spot on, cheaters lie, thats what they do, like the others are saying theres no way in hell you can nice her out of it, I learned the hard way, so dont even waste your time trying...
read the newbie link by almostrecovered, really take the time to read it all.....
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

She wrote this to me after I emailed her;

I am more than hopeful but its not me who has been hurt, it breaks my heart more*to read this. I am more*sorry*then you will ever know and altho i have taken responsibility for my actions and realise I could of runied our marriaige I will still feel hard done by if you leave me because I know reading those words it looks like more than what it was. Yes it was like teenagers but not love, no where near it, lust if anything but that was not over him (i do not know him)*just his words and this imaginary person i had built in my mind. (I dont know him and the things i do actually know as fact i hate! tattoos/always at work or the gym/bit off a prick from his statuses,*a knob who thinks hes right and above ppl, moaning about pikeys, the ppl he was talking about were probably like*ppl i know and respect! we are ppl from diff worlds! I love my world and*did not want to change it, i know i now have but im determind to get u back!!* it was just a story i let myself pretend cos yes i enjoyed it.*He never had a peice of my heart.* At some point yes*he took a piece of my mind and i found it hard to let it go but it was my mind and that is all. I'm ashamed of myself for being so easily misled and letting a stranger in.
*
It was meaningless flirting for a long time and I hate when you say i would dance round to that song, that is mine and our little girls song song and does not in anyway remind me of him! Cant you see he was trying to serioulsy*get into my head and wasnt at this point.*Thats why he*brought me presents i guess, he had seen from my statuses i liked that song but i never even opened the cd case let alone listen to it, it had ****ed me off that it is mine and Siennas song and it was going to stay that way. I know i should of been angry at him but I was just going to bin them so thought save an agument and risk him telling you or something, he had all these emails i had so stupidly sent! The book was because he had send me dirty poems but not for the long period of time before you think. i had not sent one back tho..........I was all take take take and lapped it up giving not a lot in return apart from replying**(I would keep it like friends after the initail flirting*until it went too far cos he started to say all that stuff that you have read and by that point he had done it and got a tiny part of my mind)*I kept saying do not send me a any poems and he*wouldnt stop.*The reason i wanted*the book*in our lifes was cos i never felt it was from him or related them to him, i know you think thats crazy but at first i laughed at the poems and then i read them again and i just liked reading them was like letting myself go into a book or a film and deep thinking over life, that happens to ppl but then its stops cos reality kicks in the diff was the film or book didnt end there were lots of little parts to it.**I searched for that angel dust on the net , yes it was wrong as to where it came from but i was just using him! The angel dust i read and it was you and me, i imagined us having amazing out of this world sex on you know what! Call it sick if you want cos*of where it came from*but they were my true feelings when i read it. He knew that which is why he said go get your husband to recite poems for you! I now ****ing hate poems cos the rest of them made me ponder far to much and lose sight, I was in a stressed out got*too much*heavy*and hard stuff (dad*not really caring, sister arguing, house, just everything felt too much)*on my mind and let my barriers down, let someone in who had no right and I now*hate that he knows stuff about me.* I was strugging to deal with this as i'd gone too far and let my mind open for him to read so my way of not feeling like a stupid stupid idiot was to think of it as some of what he said was true and he wasnt taking the piss out of me, I was from very early on wanting to stop but it was this that stopped me, he wouldnt let me stop and me trying in my "nice" way to ensure that you never found out made me get in deeper and deeper, i nearly told my mum so many times so she could help me out of the mess ( wasnt enjoying it by this point of was a wreck scared of what his next email would say and trying to play it so you and me were safe)*but i couldnt bring myself to tell her*as i was so ashamed of what i'd done, i felt i could fix this so you never found out. I felt so guilty all the time whenever i saw you and*our little girl*and when you have found it out bit by bit i thought you knew it was more but going to ignore it as you trusted it meant nothing and i never crossed the physical touching or went behind your back to meet him. Instead you were determind to get proof and its all come out! you know absolutely everything. There was no meeting him no arranging to no nothing.
the details you know devestate me as well how they make you feel, if only i'd of realised the consequences and thought about you i would not of done any of it!! I was caught up in my own little world but it was not all of the time, only when i was at work or you wernt here, i would switch from one to the other. It was a release from how my mind was at that time, you dont understand that cos you have never had anxiety or depression.*mostly i was yours.
*
I'm not going to excuse (there is no excuse)*any more*of the awful things I have done in the rest of your email*I only ask that you see it as a awful mistake which i knew was a mistake and I know I would definatley of stopped contact i was only trying to end it in a nice way which was to let myself fall into the story, i was petrified you were going to find out and i'd lose everything. Now all my efforts were pointless as you have found out and I could lose everything anyway. I am so sorry that you know all the details and have all these things to block out of your mind but Avill is going to help with that and I have got over a lot of things you have done and what i -thought you did even without counselling so you will get there is just going to be a journe-y*that last night we were both relieved and over the moon to be taking I thought. I saw the real you last night and now today you are the hurt angry again. Its going to be up and down and I need to learn to cope with it but it is very hard for me being picked up and dropped by you. Its not your fault and I'm gonna take the punches, i deserve them.
*
He has never been in our sex life at all! The reason for any concern you have is my sexual abuse and our diff sex drives.*
*
A joke wtf, how can the last 8 years be a joke over something that was less than 8 weeks!! That hurts I love you more than anything which is why im so devestated by what ive done and doing my very hardest to correct it. if it was a joke i wouldnt feel like that
*
I did want it to stop but at this point you didnt know everything and i was trying to make sure you never did cos the details would do what they have done with no reason I know now im back to reality that all i needed to do to stop was not reply and hope and pray it nver came out. Even before (i*wish i knew dates i have to take your word ive been such a mess)*you hacked into my gmail i had stopped all contact and had been honest about things that you never would of known (the presents and sitting in his*car)*that he had called me at the office. doesnt that mean i tiny bit?? I know it was far too late but all i was doing was trying to stop pain.* I eventually told you cos i knew the whole truth needed to come out. There is nothing more Mat I did not meet him other than the 3 times or want to arrange to.* The phone calls were not deep and meaningful they were light hearted*conversation that only happened cos i would freak out to him on email and he would say call me. I would never of opened up on the phone, i didnt want to i felt embarrassed over what id written so didnt think about it, i was purely playing a game to make sure you didnt find out!! He had substance to ruin my marraige and I didnt trust him!
*
I dunno if my reply is going to make things worse or not cos i do feel that most of this should be talked about in the neutral ground with Avril and we both have a long way to go, it made such a difference last night and we both came* and what*we feel now wont be the same later. we came home different ppl, we are now back to the two ppl inflicting pain on each other.
*
We need to step by step be shown the way back, we are both putting our heart and soul into it so we will make it.
*
If this has made it worse please dont reply as will only cause us to be the ppl we dont want to be. Lets play happy familes till Tuesday, we could last night.
*
I still have more to reply to its so hurtful what you say but i know you dont mean them, you may do know but you wont. all of* the last paragraphs are wrong!! I never want to read antoher poem let alone get back in contact and I didnt hide it well did I! look at us! I wanna scream at you to make you see but it is not the way the way is counselling so please i beg you just give us time and all will work! think back to last night. We were happy if only for a few hours. I will wait till my dyeing day for you to come back to me. We will have our dream family and house! You will see it again, you just need to go through the pain and forgivness.
*
I do deserve it but*I am not worthless I just made a mistake.............I love you more than anything i've ever known and no one else could! you are my friend my support, the person who makes me laugh, my sexy good looking blue eyed beatifull man who is very romanitc in ur own wonderful way, i' have lots of wonderful memories of the little things you have done for me. I miss you like crazy and all i want is you!! every second of everyday. yes its cos im scared*im gonna lose you but these feelings*were always there I just didnt show them enough and maybe you didnt either.*One thing you cant do, you cant delete our love!*
*
I really hope*your not so angry*when you read this and the work out helped.
*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

You mean you haven't told his wife yet ?
another dude is trying to bang your wife
And you haven't told his wife ? 
Why the hell not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

I tried couldn't get in contact with her! So like I said I posted a pic up on a fake page added her dad as a friend and wrote cheat under it! So I'm sure she knows now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> I tried couldn't get in contact with her! So like I said I posted a pic up on a fake page added her dad as a friend and wrote cheat under it! So I'm sure she knows now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make sure she knows 
Show her the evidence
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

movin on said:


> You mean you haven't told his wife yet ?
> another dude is trying to bang your wife
> And you haven't told his wife ?
> Why the hell not?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, tell the other dudes wife ASAP. Don't assume she knows. These guys do damage control like you would not believe.


----------



## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

dogman said:


> Yes, tell the other dudes wife ASAP. Don't assume she knows. These guys do damage control like you would not believe.


Exactly, if his wife does know, I would bet dollars to doughnuts he's throwing your wife under the bus, the POSOM sounds like a real charmer (puke) wonder how many others he's playing his fishing games with.....


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Find out BW and expose the whole thing to her, give her the evidence, the narrative.


----------



## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> She wrote this to me after I emailed her;
> 
> I am more than hopeful but its not me who has been hurt, it breaks my heart more*to read this. I am more*sorry*then you will ever know and altho i have taken responsibility for my actions and realise I could of runied our marriaige I will still feel hard done by if you leave me because I know reading those words it looks like more than what it was. Yes it was like teenagers but not love, no where near it, lust if anything but that was not over him (i do not know him)*just his words and this imaginary person i had built in my mind. (I dont know him and the things i do actually know as fact i hate! tattoos/always at work or the gym/bit off a prick from his statuses,*a knob who thinks hes right and above ppl, moaning about pikeys, the ppl he was talking about were probably like*ppl i know and respect! we are ppl from diff worlds! I love my world and*did not want to change it, i know i now have but im determind to get u back!!* it was just a story i let myself pretend cos yes i enjoyed it.*He never had a peice of my heart.* At some point yes*he took a piece of my mind and i found it hard to let it go but it was my mind and that is all. I'm ashamed of myself for being so easily misled and letting a stranger in.
> *
> ...


Eh, this is just a lot of passive-agressive blameshifting, and whinging at how she feels that she's getting a raw deal. You've already got the advice you need to deal with your situation. You feel that she acted in a manner you personally ascribe to being within the boundaries of infidelity; she clearly feels otherwise. Set the boundaries that you require and demand that she stick to them. If she does not, you have your answer about where you and your marriage rank in her priorities.

Stay strong, mate.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Just MSG his wife on FB appears that my MSG might get through this time, have to wait and see if get a response from her I suppose, it's not a very nice feeling having to tell someones wife and have them go through the anger/pain I have but hey ho he is a slimey prick and deserves to be kicked out and divorced and e on his own a every 3week dad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> She wrote this to me after I emailed her;
> 
> I am more than hopeful but its not me who has been hurt, it breaks my heart more*to read this. I am more*sorry*then you will ever know and altho i have taken responsibility for my actions and realise I could of runied our marriaige I will still feel hard done by if you leave me because I know reading those words it looks like more than what it was. Yes it was like teenagers but not love, no where near it, lust if anything but that was not over him (i do not know him)*just his words and this imaginary person i had built in my mind. (I dont know him and the things i do actually know as fact i hate! tattoos/always at work or the gym/bit off a prick from his statuses,*a knob who thinks hes right and above ppl, moaning about pikeys, the ppl he was talking about were probably like*ppl i know and respect! we are ppl from diff worlds! I love my world and*did not want to change it, i know i now have but im determind to get u back!!* it was just a story i let myself pretend cos yes i enjoyed it.*He never had a peice of my heart.* At some point yes*he took a piece of my mind and i found it hard to let it go but it was my mind and that is all. I'm ashamed of myself for being so easily misled and letting a stranger in.
> *
> ...


Well..clearly she's upset. As well she should be.

Two things stand out aside from the pleading:

- If she was dreading the next e-mail from him because she was trying to break it off nicely, why didn't she just get rid of her e-mail account? Or filter out his mails?

- She says you are hurting one another. This she has to know is wrong. It's common to go on the offense when trying to defend oneself. She has to understand that she's the one doing the hurting.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I hope your message doesn't get intercepted good luck.


----------



## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> Just MSG his wife on FB appears that my MSG might get through this time, have to wait and see if get a response from her I suppose, it's not a very nice feeling having to tell someones wife and have them go through the anger/pain I have but hey ho he is a slimey prick and deserves to be kicked out and divorced and e on his own a every 3week dad
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's every possibility that he has his wife's FB password and is intercepting the message. That's why you don't threaten to expose; the element of surprise is absolutely essential.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

She said she didn't as she was scared as he hasn't deleted the initial emails I could see her asking for him to delete them but he wouldn't she was worried they would appear through door, at this point I knew nothing about what was said so she was trying to cover he tracks so that I never knew what she had said and it would disappear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

He knew I found out and think he acted way before I said anything if honest he would be running scared I think and like most pricks would do anything to protect his little world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> She said she didn't as she was scared as he hasn't deleted the initial emails I could see her asking for him to delete them but he wouldn't she was worried they would appear through door, at this point I knew nothing about what was said so she was trying to cover he tracks so that I never knew what she had said and it would disappear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Er, I'm confused. I meant that the OM would have *his own wife's FB password*, so that he could delete any attempts you made to alert her.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

He sent my wife emails and she didn't reply, he continued until she phoned up and told him to basically F OFF! And her mum was with her as soon as he heard her mums voice he changed his tone and hung up! My wife sent him an email telling him to leave her alone never contact her again, I read it in her trash box she never told me about it but was quite blunt tellin him to **** off and if
I tell his wife so what that's his problem she is having to deal with me like I was so he should also have to accept his responsibilities
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

JMGrey I was replying to a previous MSG about why she said she stayed in contact
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Lost888 said:


> I could see she was trying to end it saying stuff like i cannot have two passionate love's in my life i love my husband and dont want it to change.


No, this right here is what almost ended my marriage. You can love multiple people, you can't love me equally, as in a relationship based on monogamy, as another guy.

Sorry, I am going the route of cake eating. She just told dude she loved him passionately and equally to you. I am not saying no R, I am saying be a realist as you are trying to sugarcoat what she has done. Oh and while that is a great sorrowful letter there is too much blame shifting for me.

She made the choice to receive gifts.
She made the choice to flirt.
She made the choice to tell you it wasn't serious.

MC and IC plus, you need to explain why it isn't just his fault. In my case, I refused to let her blame the OM. Yes, he has culpability, but he has no loyalty in the same manner of your wife.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Her work emails had been filtered so he couldn't get in contact but he just opened up new emails and sent them through to her that way, she has changed her mobile number, closed down FB account and has actually told me when he has tried to contact her like when he rang her at work the other day, he got the number I assume from the yellow pages as he knew where she worked. I truly believe she is sorry but it whether I can forgive her for the lies as to when it stopped! In some ways I feel I will grow old with her and this MC could help us realise that there maybe where issues I didn't realise (not excusing her at all) like maybe her past has something to do with this was abused when she was a young girl i just don't know. I'm just so lost I really felt that I was in such a happy place in my life and she ripped my world right out from under my feet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

When we have spoken she does accept it was her fault as she says she just got carried away in the moment and deeply regrets he actions and knows that she has broken a part of me she may never get back. 
I have seen a woman in the recent days who has literally begged me not to leave her and said she will do anything I ask I even made the suggestion that she tells his wife and she agreed however its not possible as we don't know where he actually lives know the area but that's all, she said she will take a lie detector test and I can asked anything I like including whether she sent any sexual MSG other than the one she has told me about, and the wether she ever told him she loved him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> When we have spoken she does accept it was her fault as she says she just got carried away in the moment and deeply regrets he actions and knows that she has broken a part of me she may never get back.
> I have seen a woman in the recent days who has literally begged me not to leave her and said she will do anything I ask I even made the suggestion that she tells his wife and she agreed however its not possible as we don't know where he actually lives know the area but that's all, she said she will take a lie detector test and I can asked anything I like including whether she sent any sexual MSG other than the one she has told me about, and the wether she ever told him she loved him!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do the polygraph. Offering is easy, following through is going to be the thing. She will continue to remember things as the day gets closer.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Lost888 said:


> she ever told him she loved him!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She did right here:


> i cannot have two passionate love's in my life i love my husband and dont want it to change.


Did you mean something different when you wrote this out? That's her saying she loves the guy without typing or saying "I love you."

I was and I am going through the same thing. I guess I am a little ahead because I see you rationalizing everything in your wife's favor. If it hurt you this much, you have to be logical and not emotional or you'll end up right back here saying "I found texts, emails, a burner phone etc etc etc."

It is not easy to quit something you fully enjoy. Seriously, look at your original post and then her contrition letter. Look at all of the contradictions between the two. She was and might still be in deep. Oh and I believe she is sorry, I really do. Your issue is finding out what she is really sorry about and can you handle it if it is "I was caught" or "I was plan B."

IMO if you really want this to work, you have to realize that person you know has changed.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> She did right here:
> Did you mean something different when you wrote this out? That's her saying she loves the guy without typing or saying "I love you."
> 
> I was and I am going through the same thing. I guess I am a little ahead because I see you rationalizing everything in your wife's favor. If it hurt you this much, you have to be logical and not emotional or you'll end up right back here saying "I found texts, emails, a burner phone etc etc etc."
> ...


I actually just re read it and it said passionate relationships still not good though 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Lost888 said:


> I actually just re read it and it said passionate relationships still not good though
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All I am saying is don't let it get rug swept, don't go to a MC that says it is your fault and make sure you don't start blaming your poor actions on the EA. She made a decision and she needs to stop blaming the guy and move forward.


I know I did some dumb things.
I know I wasn't a perfect husband.
I know I could have spent more time with her and the kids.
I know a million things that could be used as guilt.

None of them mean crap when the other spouse cheats. Nothing I did coerced, blackmailed or forced her to engage in an EA. I mean she downplayed it to her good friend she eats with every week. Yep, I told her friend because Iwas the bad guy "trying to control her."

Funny how that changes when your "alleged" good friend finds out you didn't tell her you loved that "friend." That you didn't mention that was why he was being "controlling." The one that you had implied, with eye rolls and sighs, wasn't that serious.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

I know I did no dumb things
I know I was the perfect husband as much as i could be to be fair my wife has never wanted for anything, we're not millionaires but I have flown her around the world on amazing holidays had an amazing wedding, buying a dream house try and spend time with her treat her well I know I don't do it all the time but it would be worthless if everyday I did romantic actions.
I do spend time with her and my little girl FFS I even go to a baby sing and sign group I hate (only man there) i do it for my little girl and because my wife asked me to. I would have done anything she asked me to do!

I'm not perfect but who is hey?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I could say the exact same thing, you just wrote, about myself. It isn't about what YOU think you did, it is their own perceptions that matter. I can show you thread after thread that starts with:


> I know I did no dumb things
> I know I was the perfect husband as much as i could be to be fair my wife has never wanted for anything,


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Just in case the POSOM has warned his wife about some nutcase man making up tall tales about him....I think you should have your wife call his wife (in your presence of course) and confess the whole sordid story.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Look him up on spokeo.com. you should be able to get more info.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Aunt Ava said:


> Just in case the POSOM has warned his wife about some nutcase man making up tall tales about him....I think you should have your wife call his wife (in your presence of course) and confess the whole sordid story.


Agree completely. 888, her willingness to do this will also be an indicator of her true remorse. Now, if she fights you on it or refuses, you'll then know she's been doing nothing but blowing sunshine up your keister to pacify you.


----------



## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

If she wanted to end contact, why did she send him the so-called "calling card" after HE ended contact?

She called him Prince Charming and he called her Snow White. You do know that Prince Charming and Snow White are soul mates, destined to be together forever, don't you?

Someone already pointed out the "two passionate relationships" comment.

You have done well so far, you still need to expose to other man's wife, but DO NOT BELIEVE your wife when she tells you she didn't have deep feelings for this guy. She wasn't repulsed by his tattoos or his hard gym workout body and she didn't think he was a knob. She was attracted to him physically and emotionally.

Go ahead and reconcile and keep up the good work, keep a close eye on her and don't let her snow you with her lies about how meaningless it was to her and don't let her whine you into sweeping this under the rug. Take your time and let yourself go through the anger and grieving necessary for your personal healing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

If she says OM is pestering her at work by using fake emails, phoning from different phones etc after she told him "NC" SHE should file a restraining order against him and have him served with legal NC for the next 60 days.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> If she wanted to end contact, why did she send him the so-called "calling card" after HE ended contact?
> 
> She called him Prince Charming and he called her Snow White. You do know that Prince Charming and Snow White are soul mates, destined to be together forever, don't you?
> 
> ...



****ing hell didn't know that about soul mates! Although this bloke did speak a lot of bolloxs like that and how fate played a part! Ive MSG his wife suppose will have to wait and see if she wants to know more or listens to the prick, the calling card really hurts it was a picture of a bride and groom on a wedding cake with fairytail written under it, I sent it to her just before our wedding bit corny I suppose but thought would be nice to see when she woke up! Then boom I find out the c u n t used it as a calling card as she knew the prick would respond to it because they spoke a load of **** about being snow white and prince charming!!! She knew I'd sent it I believe but thought of never see that email account so what the hell!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

The thing that bugs me is she said about what he was like isn't what she likes, and it was his words poems etc... That hooked her not him as such she always said he wasn't real.... Well unless I'm mistaken you ****ing meet him three times once in his car for the duration of your lunch break yes was outside the office so would assume you wouldn't do anything ( small office windows face out into car park, work colleges would have seen her ) but need I also say you spoke to him on the ****ing phone!!! 

I know it was more than she cares to admit, I worry there may still be a seed of doubt floating around her head about it all, and I'll never know. The other thing is we're both 28 the OM was 40!! I'm not floating my own boat but I'm a good looking man, look after myself dress well play sports this prick looked like a middle aged man with loads of ****ty tattoos I just get it! I'm also worried that I'm so hurt when I'm out next say I have a few drinks might just think **** it and her I'm going get another bird that night and I don't want that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> The thing that bugs me is she said about what he was like isn't what she likes, and it was his words poems etc... That hooked her not him as such she always said he wasn't real.... Well unless I'm mistaken you ****ing meet him three times once in his car for the duration of your lunch break yes was outside the office so would assume you wouldn't do anything ( small office windows face out into car park, work colleges would have seen her ) but need I also say you spoke to him on the ****ing phone!!!
> 
> I know it was more than she cares to admit, I worry there may still be a seed of doubt floating around her head about it all, and I'll never know. The other thing is we're both 28 the OM was 40!! I'm not floating my own boat but I'm a good looking man, look after myself dress well play sports this prick looked like a middle aged man with loads of ****ty tattoos I just get it! I'm also worried that I'm so hurt when I'm out next say I have a few drinks might just think **** it and her I'm going get another bird that night and I don't want that!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Two wrongs make things twice as fvcked up.


----------



## still_coping (Aug 31, 2012)

You said you know who the fellow is on face Book. I gather looking-up people through on-line resources is the same in the UK as it is here in the US and Canada. Why fool around with useless emails, dithering whether your wife is still in contact with the man, when you can find out their address and pay a personal VISIT to the wife. Tell her to her face what is going on. Perhaps its time to cut your wife off from the lifestyle you have provided her so far, and see how she reacts to that. That coupled with a '180' and see what results. But at the very least, either look up address information yourself or hire a private investigator to do it for you: or simply continue what you are currently doing 'nothing' and see how that bears fruit.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> I just hope the MC can make me see what we had cause i truly believe her that she is so sorry certain stuff like the calling card she appears so ashamed she cannot look me in the eye when I speak about that as I sent her the pic as was to do with our wedding. She has admitted she got caught up in the emails and at first they were just light hearted but it changed and she enjoyed it made her feel like a woman again after having our baby at first she laughed at the poems she said then she started reading them and enjoyed them and then he had that tiny part of her kid she said. When I was there she wouldn't contact him but at work she would and when I was out, 24 emails were exchange in 3days so Incan only assume the amount that were in the 9wks before!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Until the affair is truly over MC is not going to buy you much. She will need to be verifiably NC with him and it does not sound like she is.

This is a full blown affair. The fact they have met means there may be more to this. They may have met more times. Are you sure he does not come to your house? Does he still go to her work? Are you sure they do not meet for lunch? Are you sure she does not see him anywhere?

I am not usually into the snooping so much but in your case it is important. I would have a VAR in her car and a GPS tracker of some kind.

She is NOT thinking straight at all.

She must be the one to cut him out but personally past a point I would go nuclear on this guy. 

She needs to drop FB completely.

This is obsessive like an EA but because it has a sexual context the chances of this being a PA already or becoming one soon are very great.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> I tried couldn't get in contact with her! So like I said I posted a pic up on a fake page added her dad as a friend and wrote cheat under it! So I'm sure she knows now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not suggesting you do this, but trust me I would have followed him and made sure I told his wife. Hire a PI.

This guy is either actively or trying actively to bang your wife. Time is NOT on your side. Make your purpose in life to deal with this guy. Take vacation days.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

If I'm honest I don't think she is anymore she has been completely transparent phone is left around of facebook phone number changed only one I can't access is her work email other than to look on her phone however anything could be deleted by the time she is home I suppose so that pointless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> If I'm honest I don't think she is anymore she has been completely transparent phone is left around of facebook phone number changed only one I can't access is her work email other than to look on her phone however anything could be deleted by the time she is home I suppose so that pointless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Withdrawal takes about two months of complete NC. ANY contact whatsoever restarts the clock.

Hopefully they hoave not but beware that this has gone underground. The fact she does not admit that this was infidelity means she is still open to it. She will not be able to grasp this fully until she goes through withdrawal. Be careful of rug sweeping.

This guy willl forever be a threat to your marriage. But so will the next guy like him. So you will need to set some better marital boundaries.

While you need to be hopeful do not be blinded by it. You need to be VERY skeptical. You need to continue to verify NC for many months to come.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

She swear she has told me everything and i sort of believe her if honest maybe I'm a mug who knows. She says she enjoyed the flirting but meeting would be stepping over that line and she wouldn't do that to me!! Although she always told him in her emails where she was going, that way she never actually asked him to meet, but i said to her that was her way of him turning up and her not asking and her then having a clear concience about it she didnt deny it. Although I read in his email to her he stated when he was desperately trying to hang on to her anyway he could "they were just friends and if it was anything else they would have meet more" he also said that "she would have tried to seduce him if was more than friends, and he would have said no bein the good catholic boy he is" what a slimey arsehole!! He even suggested telling his wife about me and my wife tell me an we could all meet! I mean what the hell is that all about....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> Withdrawal takes about two months of complete NC. ANY contact whatsoever restarts the clock.
> 
> Hopefully they hoave not but beware that this has gone underground. The fact she does not admit that this was infidelity means she is still open to it. She will not be able to grasp this fully until she goes through withdrawal. Be careful of rug sweeping.
> 
> ...


I must admit I sometimes get the feeling that she is sad he has gone and that she would have liked to have kept emailing him and have me at home, maybe I'm wrong in thinking that but just a gut feeling about that's all, could be irrational thinking on my part. I struggle with the fact it didn't end when she said it did and the stuff I read was heartfelt like they would miss each other. It's so difficult to deal with got a MC session tonight seperate ones each not sure what will happen and got another joint 1 tomorrow. I re emailed he wife on Facebook saying some more about it and that I also believe he hasn't been transaprent with her and there's every chance he would have told some of the truth but not all! Didnt get the bounce back email I had when tried before so I'm hoping it has got through to her and she contacts me, I know he would have shifted the blame onto my wife like she has him I understand that my main questions are if a PA happened and how many times they meet and where?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> She swear she has told me everything and i sort of believe her if honest maybe I'm a mug who knows. She says she enjoyed the flirting but meeting would be stepping over that line and she wouldn't do that to me!! Although she always told him in her emails where she was going, that way she never actually asked him to meet, but i said to her that was her way of him turning up and her not asking and her then having a clear concience about it she didnt deny it. Although I read in his email to her he stated when he was desperately trying to hang on to her anyway he could "they were just friends and if it was anything else they would have meet more" he also said that "she would have tried to seduce him if was more than friends, and he would have said no bein the good catholic boy he is" what a slimey arsehole!! He even suggested telling his wife about me and my wife tell me an we could all meet! I mean what the hell is that all about....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am not trying to be graphic but it is not beyond some women to call their husband and say they would never cheat on them moments before riding some guy.

I am not trying to be a jerk. But realize that people in affairs lie to protect their affair.

The exchange again seems very sexual in nature. Not good. You need to assume the affair is ongoing and do whatever you can to destroy it.

You want to believe this has not gone very far for your own sanity. Plus you really do not know how far it has gone. But however far it has gone you need to realize this was headed to a PA if it has not already gone their. So you cannot take half measures.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> I must admit I sometimes get the feeling that she is sad he has gone and that she would have liked to have kept emailing him and have me at home, maybe I'm wrong in thinking that but just a gut feeling about that's all, could be irrational thinking on my part. I struggle with the fact it didn't end when she said it did and the stuff I read was heartfelt like they would miss each other. It's so difficult to deal with got a MC session tonight seperate ones each not sure what will happen and got another joint 1 tomorrow. I re emailed he wife on Facebook saying some more about it and that I also believe he hasn't been transaprent with her and there's every chance he would have told some of the truth but not all! Didnt get the bounce back email I had when tried before so I'm hoping it has got through to her and she contacts me, I know he would have shifted the blame onto my wife like she has him I understand that my main questions are if a PA happened and how many times they meet and where?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A PA is a concern but when an affair gets to a point, even where you are at right now ther eis no garauntee that this cannot go PA next week. These things have an incredible momentum. Also most cheaters will backslide even when attempting NC.

These brain chemicals are the same as with a cocain addiction. So you need to treat your wife like she is addicted to the OM which is the truth.


----------



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I think she's being sincere, and the guy sounds like a real piece of work. I believe that she let it go too far, and she was afraid he could expose it. He sounds like a creepy predator.

She sounds legitimate to me.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

hehasmyheart said:


> I think she's being sincere, and the guy sounds like a real piece of work. I believe that she let it go too far, and she was afraid he could expose it. He sounds like a creepy predator.
> 
> She sounds legitimate to me.


Think my wife has stumbled across my post! lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> She wrote this to me after I emailed her;
> 
> I am more than hopeful but its not me who has been hurt, it breaks my heart more*to read this. I am more*sorry*then you will ever know and altho i have taken responsibility for my actions and realise I could of runied our marriaige I will still feel hard done by if you leave me because I know reading those words it looks like more than what it was. Yes it was like teenagers but not love, no where near it, lust if anything but that was not over him (i do not know him)*just his words and this imaginary person i had built in my mind. (I dont know him and the things i do actually know as fact i hate! tattoos/always at work or the gym/bit off a prick from his statuses,*a knob who thinks hes right and above ppl, moaning about pikeys, the ppl he was talking about were probably like*ppl i know and respect! we are ppl from diff worlds! I love my world and*did not want to change it, i know i now have but im determind to get u back!!* it was just a story i let myself pretend cos yes i enjoyed it.*He never had a peice of my heart.* At some point yes*he took a piece of my mind and i found it hard to let it go but it was my mind and that is all. I'm ashamed of myself for being so easily misled and letting a stranger in.
> *
> ...


I´M not trying to be an ass here.But this one of the most contradicting letter i have read around here.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

How do you mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> How do you mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will bold ,and then give you a commmen.Ok?


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> Think my wife has stumbled across my post! lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If it´s true ..You will get my response in a PM...You chose if you wont to post it..Fair?


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Post
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HusbandX (Jul 13, 2012)

I think Lost888 was joking about his wife finding his post, due to the previous comment (#54) suggesting they believed his wife was genuine


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

HusbandX said:


> I think Lost888 was joking about his wife finding his post, due to the previous comment (#54) suggesting they believed his wife was genuine


Aha


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Tough session today vented anger about the betrayal at MC by myself, got the joint one tomorrow to look forward to. Im just not sure what I will get out of it they seem to let you just talk and all I do is vent anger! I thought they spoke and asked to maybe get rid of the anger and try to make me see what I saw before? Still early days though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Oh, God. Please don't tell me you are in MC with Relate?

Some of them are good, but some are too: "Well, how does that make you feel?" merchants.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

No decided it was worth spending some money and getting someone professional not saying thre not but worried if you only have to make a donation how good they actually are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Lost, do you think her remorse is genuine and heartfelt? I get the impression it very well could be. But we don't get to hear her tone of voice or observe her body language like you do.

The main thing you need to know is that what she says happened is ALL that happened. She could be remorseful and lying at the same time. Since she suggested a polygraph, I again, would tend to believe. You?


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Lost888 said:


> How do you mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IMO, OM is being made to look like a "creepy stalker," as someone sommented, but her own quotes and yours contradict that assertion!


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

That's a difficult one, I say that she is sorry I have seen her literally break down and become a shadow of her former self, and the only reason she functions she says is because she has a glimmer of hope that we won't seperate I I genuinely believe her i can see her body language suggests she is devastated at the thought of losing me which is a serious option if I'm honest. 

When I first found out I knew what was said in those emails wouldnt have been something I'd have approved off but I was willing to say it was mistake and she deeply regretted it, apparently. My problem comes with I came of Facebook as was going mad looking at his profile etc... She agreed that was a good idea I had been talking about it for sometime as bored of it. She never wanted to come of it and considering this how initial contact was made between them I thought that was unfair. Anyway fast forward some days later I found out that she had set up another email account I had seen the history on her laptop indicated she was visiting a gmail page but assumed it was a search page I asked her if she had any other email accounts she said no! Upon a quick look at some email contacts on her phone when in the bath I saw a email address set up under the name he called her... BOOM is sank home then that there could be more to this than I had thought. She went to work I then set about trying to get access wasn't that hard really . The account had been deactivated (this is important and will come back to this part later) anyway once in I found 24 emails exchanged between 3 days saying how much they would miss each other that it just can't happen as she loves me basically everything I've previously written about. I confront her at work and ask her about that email address and she say 

" I used it once" 

I said 

" I want you to be honest with me about it etc..."

She said

" I thought we had got over this"

So I quoted her what I read from one of her emails to him

" some of my friends went there last night, imagine I'd gone wouldn't be so boring would it, I'm going out Friday wearing my new shoes...it isn't just us. I think H wand to fit a tracker to me incase I meet you lol I can't risk a thing he is still so weary"

I tell her I'm walking out and she needs to come home she brings her mum to look after our little girl whilst we talk, remember I offered her the option to own up and she didn't. The more i read the more details about what they had felt for each other I was debased beyond belief it knocked me right out of this world!
My other problem is she hasn't ever owned up once to anything I've had to push and push and push and push to find anything out! And apparently now I know everything. This is why I'm lost I'd started to forgive until i saw this and it has made me question everything held dear about my wife,joke how can she feel so little for me that she would just lie and be so devious. The polygraph I think she knows is something we just can't afford at the minute so I also feel she can say yes and in the back of her mind she knows it won't happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

And her reason for laughing about the tracker was that stuff was that it was laughable that they would meet as they had agreed that it would never happen in a previous phone call, but then he made the comment that she "always tell him where she will be going, that day" and I see that as her way of not asking to meet him but if he showed up oh well not her fault. I got the feeling from those exchanges they didn't meet and let it get PA but I'm suspicious that they have meet more than the 3 times she said just something just doesn't feel right about it maybe they meet somewhere different like a coffee house maybe our house not sure but something just doesn't feel right and I've been spot on everytime so far.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> IMO, OM is being made to look like a "creepy stalker," as someone sommented, but her own quotes and yours contradict that assertion!



I feel like she is piling the blame on him and making him appear to be the baddy in this, that annoys me as she isn't taking responsibly for what she done! And I feel like because I was the one rant found out and stopped there contact that I'm the big bad wolf in this situation stopping their "harmless flirting" my worry there is that it wasnt them that stopped if it had I could deal with that but because it was me I feel like they may see that there is unfinished business!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Also remember I said the account was deactiveted not deleted! When they were agreeing to end it and he phoned her up and spoke for 50 mins he said this in the following email
"50mins on phonexgod we have so much in common....ps i love you too"

My problem with this is did she say " I love you " to him as that. Ames it appear she did she came up with some bolloxs that he was referring to the film called the same! Now we all know that's a load of ****! So now I have to content with the fact she could have said that to him, she denies it point blank! 

Back to the account being deactivated not closed. The "deal" they had agreed on the phone from what he emailed her was she keeps her FB page open to him so he can "sneeky peak" and that she doesnt close down that email account all of which she agreed to but said she wouldn't check the email account and wouldn't log in his response was "yer right" He had been pushing for her to email once a month from work email the FB to be open and a phone call every now month! This was agreed between then on the 8th January the page was deactivated on the 13th January when I was going ****ing mental about stuff but none of the emails were deleted and account was just deactivated not closed. I almost feel that if I had rolled over again at this point then what she had said on an email "in a few weeks, couple months" they could start chatting again thsinwas said before there last deal rubbish.

I asked if pictures had been exchanged between them she said he sent one with his top of to her out the blue, wouldn't mind but he looks like an extra from a **** tattoo programe, I also get the feeling he thinks he looks like Brad Pitt as had lots of photos of him on his FB page! That's laughable trust me. She said he told her he had copied two pics of her FB page one of her in a bikini on holiday and another one of her pregnant with my little girl! To me that's a bit messed up and really annoys me.

I'm desperate to find a way to let his wife know I've emailed her on FB but not response so not sure if she is getting them and choosing to ingnore them. I also feel he would have spun a web of lies and basically told her about my wife being the instigator and her being abused and him feeling sorry for her but she was pestering him and he felt sorry for her! I said this to my wife last night and told her she was basically a cheap shag and she burst into tears..... FFS this sent me mental again why does she care it felt like she thought she was gutted at the reality of him/her situation! She said it was just because he probably think she is a ****ed up girl with loads of issues which she then thought she had.

What would that make you feel she cried when I basically told her the truth about pricks like him and she was nothing but a cheap shag it seemed to hurt her!!!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Lost888 said:


> but I'm suspicious that they have meet more than the 3 times she said just something just doesn't feel right about it maybe they meet somewhere different like a coffee house maybe our house not sure but something just doesn't feel right and I've been spot on everytime so far.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you can't account for all of her time from the beginning of this,and knowing what you now know,you would be foolish to be anything but suspicious.


----------



## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> Also remember I said the account was deactiveted not deleted! When they were agreeing to end it and he phoned her up and spoke for 50 mins he said this in the following email
> "50mins on phonexgod we have so much in common....ps i love you too"
> 
> My problem with this is did she say " I love you " to him as that. Ames it appear she did she came up with some bolloxs that he was referring to the film called the same! Now we all know that's a load of ****! So now I have to content with the fact she could have said that to him, she denies it point blank!
> ...


I don't think it's odd that she cried. It is hurtful to be reminded of your mistake. She sounds regretful. I think she cried because, to her you were calling her names.

I think you've done a fantastic job so far. You stay the course and if I were you I make her cry a whole lot more before this is over. She needs to regret it and want to cry at the mere memory of such a huge Fvck up.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

She has been crying virtually none stop now for 1-2 weeks has had to miss work I can see the genuine remorse at what's she has done but it's just so hard to get over the fact that she continued it on behind my back that's the part that hurts like i said, you think you know someone then something like this happens an you think Jesus I didn't know you at all! We've got a joint MC tonight see why tht brings. It's difficult as I don't want any friends/family to know about incase we can stay together it would be a stain I'd be embarrassed about "your wife looking elsewhere" so other than this and her mum "who will be slightly bias" who as great as she has been its just me by myself dealing with this. I mean even her mum can't understand why she has done it and has said that to her, and when she said she didn't think it warranted a divorce her mum disagreed and said it did
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Is she crying over what she did to you, or because she misses her AP?

Be careful how you interpret this....

I would say it is a little of both.


----------



## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> She has been crying virtually none stop now for 1-2 weeks has had to miss work I can see the genuine remorse at what's she has done but it's just so hard to get over the fact that she continued it on behind my back that's the part that hurts like i said, you think you know someone then something like this happens an you think Jesus I didn't know you at all! We've got a joint MC tonight see why tht brings. It's difficult as I don't want any friends/family to know about incase we can stay together it would be a stain I'd be embarrassed about "your wife looking elsewhere" so other than this and her mum "who will be slightly bias" who as great as she has been its just me by myself dealing with this. I mean even her mum can't understand why she has done it and has said that to her, and when she said she didn't think it warranted a divorce her mum disagreed and said it did
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes very selfish people cry a mostly out of self pity.
"I can't believe I'm in this horrible position, boo hoo!"

It's different then crying because they feel bad for hurting you.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

That's a difficult question to answer I fear it's both, like I said before because I ended it not them I'm the baddy in this and they had unfinished business I feel. I don't like the fact she cares about coming across like an idiot to him like when I said she was nothing but a cheap shag to him it's like he still believed in the fairytail existence try had created for themselves I could be Erin and she could feel ashamed to have been duped by him and easy mislead but both are as bad as each other! You know my hatred for this guy is so immense if I ever saw him I would be like a pack of wolves and leave him in such a bad way I feel he has got of lightly with regards to this and has most likely span a web of lies makig my wife look like and abused clingy woman who pestered him and he felt sorry for her! I'm not saying what she did was right either but he is as much to blame and his wife deserves to know he is a c u n t!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

FFS that didn't go well the counsellor decided that she couldn't help and refunded us and gave us the card of another lady who specialises in young couples, suppose Ive got to be greatful she didn't just plod along and be of no help!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

Update,

His wife messages me on FB today and asked who I was and said we knew he had already had an affair then asked if this was recent so it would appear this c u n t has previous. I proceeded I tell her everything he had owned up to my wife sending some emails but said it wasn't an affair so I told her it was an EA and we both agreed it could have lead to a PA very easily. It makes me more annoyed t wife as she was just a cheap shag in his eyes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Lost888 said:


> Update,
> 
> His wife messages me on FB today and asked who I was and said we knew he had already had an affair then asked if this was recent so it would appear this c u n t has previous. I proceeded I tell her everything he had owned up to my wife sending some emails but said it wasn't an affair so I told her it was an EA and we both agreed it could have lead to a PA very easily. It makes me more annoyed t wife as she was just a cheap shag in his eyes
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is not a real reflection of your wife. He most likely sees most women as a cheap shag. He just put in a lot of time trying to dupe your wife with anything he could muster.

But you saved the day my friend and your marriage. Stay on top of it and try to screw him to the wall.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Telling the OMW everything was the best thing you could have done. Your W sounds very fragile, but she has to know what a dbag she was trading love words with. You are going to tell her what the W said, aren't you?


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Telling the OMW everything was the best thing you could have done. *Your W sounds very fragile,* but she has to know what a dbag she was trading love words with. You are going to tell her what the W said, aren't you?


I'm getting that feeling too. Don't let this go by any means but don't push her over the edge. Lay off for a few days. There's no need to settle everything in the next 24 or 72 hrs. Let everything settle down a bit.


----------



## Lost888 (Jan 28, 2013)

I told the OW everything now, She just said they have had issues and there working on them and there also moving far away and he hopes for a fresh start, so it's not looking like she will leave him but I just hope that she is going so mad at him right now! I know he would have shifted the blame like any person would do in that situation, but had to set the record straight with her and in no way did I paint my wife to be innocent as she wasn't. Got a new MC session tonight hopefuly that helps a little as weeds still not great to be honest as there had been lots of water under the bridge as they say. But at least i slept like a baby knowing his wife knows, all I took was to MSG her dad on FB as he had blocked me from there profiles, then share a picture of her and him on wedding day then just write under the picture exactly what happened and what I thought of him! She wasn't happy at the picture as didn't want everyone to see but I explained my issues and that i had no choice have taken it down as she requested, feel sorry for her as he is obviously a complete tool and done this before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

