# Stepson and bio-dad issues.



## ScubaSteve61

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## justonelife

I'm not sure but I doubt that age is 8 years old. Perhaps as a teenager.

If the dad doesn't even want to spend time with his son, would he put up a fight if you tried to modify the arrangement?


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## ScubaSteve61

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## justonelife

Unfortunately, short of abuse of some kind, I doubt the court is going to do much to modify this arrangement. I wish I had a better idea for you. Maybe make sure to send some books, toys, video games or something with him so he has fun stuff to do while over there?


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## unbelievable

The older the child is, the more the courts will consider his opinion but, short of abuse, there's little chance the court would interfere in the short term. On the bright side, he's got a loving dad and lots of kids don't. I expect when he's a teen, your son will be higher maintenance and bio dad (who shows little interest now) will probably discontinue visitation on his own. The more your son see's his natural dad, the more he'll appreciate you.


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## ScubaSteve61

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## DTO

ScubaSteve61 said:


> I figured I'd put this question out there to ask what others might think.
> 
> My 8 year old stepson is having major issues with his bio-dad. His dad has an 18 month old son with his live in girlfriend, who gets all the attention doted on him. His dad hasn't paid a dime of support, ever, due to SSI. He has visitation rights every other weekend, during which my stepson frequently gets left with the girlfriend while his dad goes off and does his own thing.
> 
> Its already at the point where my step hates going to his dads. Ever.
> 
> Is there an age where a kid can say "I don't want to go, don't make me" and the courts will modify the agreement?


Here, in CA, a child at age 14 is considered old enough have his opinion heard. The procedure would be to have a psychologist / therapist appointed by the court who would then make a recommendation.


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## turnera

ScubaSteve61 said:


> Yes, he would. In the past he threatened to take my wife to court because he called every night, and told her she needed to have stepson home between 7:00 and 8:00 PM to receive his call.


 What does that have to do with anything? I doubt, unless it's written in their divorce settlement that she must take a call every night, that any judge would even HEAR this case.

And besides, all SHE has to do is say 'Fine. I'm going tomorrow to court to see what I can do to start getting money from you or else revoke visitation.' Might be a bluff, but it might work.


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## tulsy

ScubaSteve61 said:


> ...He has visitation rights every other weekend, during which my stepson frequently gets left with the girlfriend while his dad goes off and does his own thing.
> 
> Its already at the point where my step hates going to his dads. Ever....


Has the kid said those exact words to you? If the kid has told you something like, "I hate going there. My dad doesn't spend any time with me, and goes out with his friends. I have to sit there with "insert GF name", and it's not fair"

If the kid actually said that, I would encourage the kid to tell his father that. If my son complained I never spent any quality time with him, it would rattle my cage. 

A good father can't wait to see his kids and plans stuff to do with them.


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## ScubaSteve61

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## ScubaSteve61

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## turnera

You know, with that story, if I had a little cash, I'd invest in a PI and get some evidence on him and turn him in to the state. Just for grins.


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## turnera

I hope you're taking SS to a therapist.


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## ScubaSteve61

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## ScubaSteve61

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## Memento

ScubaSteve61 said:


> I figured I'd put this question out there to ask what others might think.
> 
> My 8 year old stepson is having major issues with his bio-dad. His dad has an 18 month old son with his live in girlfriend, who gets all the attention doted on him. His dad hasn't paid a dime of support, ever, due to SSI. He has visitation rights every other weekend, during which my stepson frequently gets left with the girlfriend while his dad goes off and does his own thing.
> 
> Its already at the point where my step hates going to his dads. Ever.
> 
> Is there an age where a kid can say "I don't want to go, don't make me" and the courts will modify the agreement?


It varies from state to state. But, usually, at age 13 the child has some saying if he/she wants to visit the other parent or not.


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## Memento

ScubaSteve61 said:


> They did. Business licenses, etc. Nothing.


If you keep complaining, someone will do something about it. And if they don't, you can always tell them that you are going to file a formal complain about their inaction towards someone who is defrauding SS and the tax payers. That usually does the trick. I know it from experience. When I know I am right, I never shut up, till I have my way.


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## turnera

Have you reported him to the IRS?


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## ScubaSteve61

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## Memento

ScubaSteve61 said:


> W has reported him to anyone who'd give her 2 minutes of time, nothing has happened.


That is troubling, because it seems a lot of people are not doing their work. And some of these workers are paid a lot.


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## turnera

Then your best best is to start keeping a notebook with a timeline of every interaction he has with his dad and what happens during them. Build up a case of neglect or whatever, and there may be a time you can go to court to reduce visitation.


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## tulsy

ScubaSteve61 said:


> Tuesday night he was in his room bawling because of it. And he tells his dad that and his dad blows it off.
> 
> He told his dad he wanted to change his last name to *mine and wife's last name*. His dad was furious, called my wife and asked if we put him up to it, etc.


I would have filmed the kid bawling and sent a copy to his father via email. Then, if he finally gets it, things may get better....if he responds with anything negative and blows it off again, you may have an emailed response expressing he lack of giving a chit, which could help you end visitation...at the very least, you can show the kid when he grows up how much effort YOU put into his relationship with his father.

I feel sorry for the kid, but glad he has you. Cheers SS.


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## ScubaSteve61

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## ScubaSteve61

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## mablenc

Have your wife get a written progress notes from the therapist as well, documenting how your son is being emotionally hurt by his biodad. Any documentation from the schools help too. If any drop in grades or misbehavior that matches the timelines. Document everything, if you can prove he's not even spending time with him, and he's only causing emotional damage I'm sure you can get a judge to modify the custody agreement. The courts will always rule in the best interest of the child. Don't forget to throw in all the facts that help prove your a more stable option such as you having a family ceremony in your wedding. Invest in a good lawyer, if he's on disability pay you can out lawyer him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScubaSteve61

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## wifenumber2

You are getting sound advice from others. I used to handle WC claims and would build a strong case for our claim. When I'd ask our fraud investigator to go contact the Feds and present them our investigation results (usually they were drawing SSDI) the investigators would tell me that the Feds don't seem to want to take action--that its hard to qualify for the benefits but once they do- its hard to get them stopped.

I'm glad for your step son and your wife that you are in their lives. It may take a while to build a case but in the end it usually works out. 

Good luck!


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## Bobby5000

Consider sending a letter to the father about the visitation. Ask him frankly if he doesn't want to be with the son or has other plans, he should say that. 
A few minutes with the girlfriend may be normal. I am also not sure if public assistance completely eliminates his obligation to pay any support.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I think it would be worthwhile to get a support order drawn up by an attorney that goes along these lines: that where he may not have to pay support now based on income, that in future if it is determined that he COULD have been earning income or was earning income and hiding it, he will be responsible for the back child support and ongoing. Get this approved and then you have a bargaining tool, if he agrees to relinquish all custody rights to the child, you will drop child support enforcement. By the way, child support can be payable well after the child reaches 18, and can even be taken from an estate. He will have to get an attorney probably, and your legal counsel can try to work with whomever he has to investigate the fraudulent SSI. I wonder too, if your stepson is entitled to SSI of his own since his father is "disabled" that is the guy is maybe pulling extra SSI on behalf of his son? If so, insist through legal action that these funds be made available to the mother or put into a trust administered by attorney. It's likely he is keeping up the pretense of visitation in order to claim son on SSI? I know there are good hearted people in the world that are motivated by things other than money, however he does not seem to be one of them. I'm guessing that his interest in his son is purely financial. 

As for those phone calls nightly, I bought a cheap cell phone for my kid and had the dad call the cell phone. In court, I was able to tell the judge I wanted compensation, 10 cents a minute for making the kid available every night at 7. I worked from home and used my phone line for computer connection (back in the day) and had a teenager...so unreasonable for the phone to be free and at home every night at 7. Judge saw that I was evading control tactics and laughed, deducted the cost of the cell phone from my computed share of support, added it to his side. I also said, I can't be responsible for being out of range or where reception is blocked. I'm not planning to be hanging out somewhere on account of 5 bars, wherever the kid and the phone is, if he can get through and the kid chooses to answer, he can have a chat. (Taught my 3 year old how to answer cell and hang up. lol.)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I think it would be worthwhile to get a support order drawn up by an attorney that goes along these lines: that where he may not have to pay support now based on income, that in future if it is determined that he COULD have been earning income or was earning income and hiding it, he will be responsible for the back child support and ongoing. Get this approved and then you have a bargaining tool, if he agrees to relinquish all custody rights to the child, you will drop child support enforcement. By the way, child support can be payable well after the child reaches 18, and can even be taken from an estate. He will have to get an attorney probably, and your legal counsel can try to work with whomever he has to investigate the fraudulent SSI. I wonder too, if your stepson is entitled to SSI of his own since his father is "disabled" that is the guy is maybe pulling extra SSI on behalf of his son? If so, insist through legal action that these funds be made available to the mother or put into a trust administered by attorney. It's likely he is keeping up the pretense of visitation in order to claim son on SSI? I know there are good hearted people in the world that are motivated by things other than money, however he does not seem to be one of them. I'm guessing that his interest in his son is purely financial. 

As for those phone calls nightly, I bought a cheap cell phone for my kid and had the dad call the cell phone. In court, I was able to tell the judge I wanted compensation, 10 cents a minute for making the kid available every night at 7. I worked from home and used my phone line for computer connection (back in the day) and had a teenager...so unreasonable for the phone to be free and at home every night at 7. Judge saw that I was evading control tactics and laughed, deducted the cost of the cell phone from my computed share of support, added it to his side. I also said, I can't be responsible for being out of range or where reception is blocked. I'm not planning to be hanging out somewhere on account of 5 bars, wherever the kid and the phone is, if he can get through and the kid chooses to answer, he can have a chat. (Taught my 3 year old how to answer cell and hang up. lol.)

"
How do you apply for benefits for your child?

To apply for benefits for your child, you will need at least your Social Security number, your child’s Social Security number, and your child’s birth certificate. If your child does not already have a Social Security number, you will have to obtain one through Social Security before you can apply for the children's benefit. There may be other information that is needed; for example, if you are trying to obtain benefits for a full-time student who is over the age of 18, you will need to provide proof of enrollment in school. When meeting with Social Security to receive these benefits, you will be told if any additional information is necessary.
How much will your child receive in benefits?

How much your child receives in benefits depends upon how much money you, as the disabled individual, receive as a SSDI benefit. Generally, your child will receive up to 50% of your total SSDI benefit. It is important to note that there is a maximum amount that a family can receive based on one disabled individual’s benefits. The family limit is usually 150% - 180% of the total SSDI benefit awarded to the disabled individual. If your family would receive above that percentage, each individual receiving a benefit (with the exclusion of the disabled individual) will have their percentage of benefit lowered proportionally until the total benefit is below the percentage limit.

For example, if you are a single mother with four children and you become disabled, each child could potentially receive 50% of your SSDI award. However, if each child received 50% of your award, Social Security would be paying out 300% of your total award (100% received by you and 50% received by each of your four children). Therefore, you would receive your 100% as the disabled individual and your children would have their percentages lowered equally until the total family benefit fell below the percentage limit set by Social Security."

Since he used to work and paid into the system he is probably receiving SSDI and not SSI. Under SSDI children can receive benefits, wonder if he is getting the 180%.... would make sense considering he doesn't seem particularly interested in the child, probably the next youngest child to the little one, so the one that can maximize payout over time, if this is indeed the situation.


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## larry.gray

To bad bio-dad doesn't come visit Oregon and have someone drop the dime on them.

Failure to pay support is a felony here. Our judges have a nice trick: They will put a guy in jail for failure to pay support, and make the bail 10X what is owed in back support. Bond usually requires 10% down, so to get out the deadbeat has to pay cash equal to what is owed to get out. Then since child support is owed, they'll refund the bond to the parent owed support.


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## frusdil

ScubaSteve61 said:


> I love the kid. I didn't just marry his mother, I bought the bundle.
> 
> He was actually part of the ceremony. Ring bearer, plus we did a family ceremony in the middle. My wife and I held his hands and put a family pendant on him.


Same here. My husband has a nine year old daughter from his first marriage and we are very close. She was in our wedding ceremony too, she was ring bearer and I included her in my vows, promising to love her as my own daughter and be her ally and confidant 

She was so excited about the wedding


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