# newbie, just saying hi



## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

hey people...

i joined up today, so just wanted to say hi to all members of the forum.
considered joining a forum like this for a long time.... but never found the right one. have been browsing this one since yesterday... and am hoping this newbie has found home 
basically i have certain issues and problems which i have no one with whom to discuss these... it's pretty frustrating, coz all of these issues seemed to have cluttered up in my mind and i'm starting to feel suffocated.
relationship with spouse is fluctuating incredibly, from awesome to awful. i need help finding some kind of stability. will try posting in the more relevant sections... if not, will just carry on here in due time.

take care people


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Welcome to the forums. I have fallen in love with this place and in the last month there has been real good activity here. You not only found the right place but at the right time.

If there is anything any of us can help you with please feel free to post. No one is perfect but together we can all help each other.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

thanks for the welcome draconis, it's real nice of you.

glad to hear that, feels nice just being some place where i feel i can be heard and responded to. have bottled up so much for so long, i feel am just gonna burst.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I found so of the best therapy is on forums. Like books you only take away from it what you want to and some people ask questions that they have already answered for themselves. Personally, I have had some help on forums to and hope that I continue to pay back for the help I once got. (It actually wasn't a relationship question but one that could have effected it)

Great to see the boards lighting up regularly.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

i see. well, like i said, i've always wanted to join a forum to discuss my problems... but i always felt that they weren't really problems or that in time i would learn how to deal with them. or sometimes when i'd go out on my search for the right forum, i'd read the problems of other people and feel my problem downsizing, if you see what i mean.
but by being here right now, i guess i'm admitting that i can't handle them on my own and that i need help.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

fire_vogel said:


> i see. well, like i said, i've always wanted to join a forum to discuss my problems... but i always felt that they weren't really problems or that in time i would learn how to deal with them. or sometimes when i'd go out on my search for the right forum, i'd read the problems of other people and feel my problem downsizing, if you see what i mean.
> but by being here right now, i guess i'm admitting that i can't handle them on my own and that i need help.



Forum are and can be much more. You are having a rough time and we can be there to help. I hope when things are going great for you, you'll want to stay around to help others and pass on wisdom.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> Forum are and can be much more. You are having a rough time and we can be there to help. I hope when things are going great for you, you'll want to stay around to help others and pass on wisdom.
> 
> draconis


i don't see why i wouldn't want to stick around... despite not having any issues before, i was member on a similar forum and would stick around for the others... and even when my problems started cropping up, i didn't want to share the burden of these with the others, i just felt they had enough on their plates already. but now i'm here.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well we are glad to have you and blessed by all you can share. This forum tends to have many lurkers (those that are not actual members). I guess that means that they hide in shadows and hope other people have similar problems that they can just read. So by posting you are not only helping yourself but others as well. I am sure that at least five others out there are whispering thank you.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

well, i've been lurking since last night lol  but psyched myself up into joining... and it's worth it. it sure is 
already i feel slightly lighter... it's like i had this huge rock on my shoulders, but by talking it out, i break it down bit by bit.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

fire_vogel said:


> well, i've been lurking since last night lol  but psyched myself up into joining... and it's worth it. it sure is
> already i feel slightly lighter... it's like i had this huge rock on my shoulders, but by talking it out, i break it down bit by bit.


I am so glad you did join, you have added so much to the conversation here.

draconis


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

Hi fire_vogel! 

Welcome to the forums. 



> feels nice just being some place where i feel i can be heard and responded to. have bottled up so much for so long, i feel am just gonna burst.


I know what you mean. These forums have been a nice release valve for some of my own issues.


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

thanks for the kind words draconis and thanks for the welcome evenow


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

I guess I'll pop in here too....As were much of you I need a place to get advice, share feelings and get insight into the rest of the world. I am a 37yr. old mother of four....married 18 years as of last month.........


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

kajira said:


> I guess I'll pop in here too....As were much of you I need a place to get advice, share feelings and get insight into the rest of the world. I am a 37yr. old mother of four....married 18 years as of last month.........


uhm well a late welcome to you kajira, and i guess we've somehow managed to find the right place. am glad to be here


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

fire_vogel & kajira,

Welcome to Talk About Marriage. I'm glad you guys are posting, the site is relatively new, but like Draconis said, there have been a lot of lurkers and drive-by-posts (people who post about their problems but don't stick around to help others). All are welcome though, active members, lurkers, and drive-by's! 

The really cool thing about forums is that our conversations are available to help others for years to come. I hope you guys stick around.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Chris H. said:


> fire_vogel & kajira,
> 
> Welcome to Talk About Marriage. I'm glad you guys are posting, the site is relatively new, but like Draconis said, there have been a lot of lurkers and drive-by-posts (people who post about their problems but don't stick around to help others). All are welcome though, active members, lurkers, and drive-by's!
> 
> The really cool thing about forums is that our conversations are available to help others for years to come. I hope you guys stick around.


I think now that there is a community here you will have regulars. Many more posts and more people to help out.

draconis


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Yes, I'm happy about all the new members who have been joining. :smthumbup:


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

yep, and it seems like the community's only getting bigger


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

little update:

ok, so i've got a job offer... and to be honest, i'm real excited about it.
i accepted it but here's the thing, doing this job will involve some heavy expenses in terms of traveling. the job is in the most expensive zone and hence, transport costs will be a lot.
but here's the other thing... i really want to accept this job. i have this kind of gut feeling that's telling me to accept it... my heart is telling me to go for it, but because of the expenses, my mind is having doubts.

so i tried working on my mind's doubts and did calculations of how much i'll be earning minus the transport costs, and i think i'll be cutting it just fine, maybe even better than if i were working close to home. but most people in my immediate environment are discouraging me from accepting a job which will involve such expensive transport costs.

but like i said, i want to do this. i have reached a point in my life where if i feel i'll regret NOT doing something (something perspectively good of course), i'd rather do it.

so, i'd really appreciate it if you guys could give me some advice?

thanks people.

love,
fire_vogel


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

We all have to look ahead to make the most out of our time here. Regret kills passion for life and living!!!


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

kajira said:


> We all have to look ahead to make the most out of our time here. Regret kills passion for life and living!!!


hmm... ok... so are you telling me that i should take the job to make sure i don't regret it? or simply NOT to regret it in the event i don't take it?... lol


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## wiso73 (Nov 4, 2007)

Hello this is my first time I have ever been on a forum. Not sure how to express my self but I am trying to just reach out I have been married for 11 years and I just want to look for advice hope I came to the right place cause I dont know what to do.


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## sweetpea (Jan 30, 2007)

Hi Wiso73! Welcome to the forum. Feel free to post as much as want and let us know if you have any questions. Nice to see all the new people posting.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

wiso73 said:


> Hello this is my first time I have ever been on a forum. Not sure how to express my self but I am trying to just reach out I have been married for 11 years and I just want to look for advice hope I came to the right place cause I dont know what to do.


Start by picking a category on the homepage that your topic best fits in, and click the "New Thread" button to start your discussion.

Welcome!


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

hi guys, just wanted to apologise for not being around lately and not posting. had a problem with my internet, but it's all solved now.
missed you guys.
hugs,
fire_vogel


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

fire_vogel said:


> hi guys, just wanted to apologise for not being around lately and not posting. had a problem with my internet, but it's all solved now.
> missed you guys.
> hugs,
> fire_vogel



We missed you too.

Welcome Back.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> We missed you too.
> 
> Welcome Back.
> 
> draconis


thanks draconis.


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

apologies once again for not posting for so long. a lot has been going on... started working, so hardly had the time. everything's been pretty much ok since the last time i posted. but things turned sour since the past week. somehow it was just too good to be true.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Keep with it. No one should be in the position to make you feel bad about who you are. If he feels insecure that is his issue. If he says you are distant say that it has more to do with the way he treats you and less the new job.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> Keep with it. No one should be in the position to make you feel bad about who you are. If he feels insecure that is his issue. If he says you are distant say that it has more to do with the way he treats you and less the new job.
> 
> draconis


finally that's what i told him... but he doesn't seem to see that he treats me in a harsh way sometimes. he just doesn't see it, even if i list all the hurtful things he says to me.
we had a huge fight last night... i was honest and told him how i was feeling but as usual, it backfired.i ended up crying bitterly coz i couldn't take anymore, and coz of the crying i got sick and threw up. feel slightly better now... but there, there's a gaping hole in the relationship that i just don't know how to fix... or whether it's even worth fixing it.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well, there is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel. It takes two people to make a marriage work. He needs to respect you to and not just when he wants something.

draconis


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