# Miserable spouse



## lovinlife71 (Mar 18, 2014)

Help don't know how to handle this anymore ???

Been with my spouse for almost 9 years common law . Since I have been with him its only getting worse he is miserable a lot of the time and I don't know how to handle it anymore ..when I try and talk to him he is not interested in talking to me nor wanna listen . I have tried to write him letters sending him emails explaining how I feel and why I don't want to be around him sometimes . I love him to death but this relationship will not handle a marriage if this keeps going on like this ..it can be anything that sets him off from dishes to bills . Dont get me wrong he is a great man , but he has these issues of being crabby and me not wanting to even be around him . 
Our life is great we have jobs and work from home both of us and we do have health issues and I know his back issues can cause him pain but you should not be miserable to the person you love ..
He can be happy one minute then the next crabby , I just wanna enjoy life to the fullest the best I can ..Please help 

Lovinlife


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

What do you mean by miserable? Is he sad? Does he nit-pick?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

lovinlife71 said:


> He can be happy one minute then the next crabby , I just wanna enjoy life to the fullest the best I can ..Please help


Is he bipolar by any chance? Why don't you give us some examples of how he is behaving?


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Is he clinically depressed? On pain-killers?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

lovinlife71 said:


> Help don't know how to handle this anymore ???
> 
> Been with my spouse for almost 9 years common law . Since I have been with him its only getting worse he is miserable a lot of the time and I don't know how to handle it anymore ..when I try and talk to him he is not interested in talking to me nor wanna listen . I have tried to write him letters sending him emails explaining how I feel and why I don't want to be around him sometimes . I love him to death but this relationship will not handle a marriage if this keeps going on like this ..it can be anything that sets him off from dishes to bills .* Dont get me wrong he is a great man , but he has these issues of being crabby and me not wanting to even be around him . *
> Our life is great we have jobs and work from home both of us and we do have health issues and I know his back issues can cause him pain but you should not be miserable to the person you love ..
> ...


This does not describe a great man, sorry. I was married to one of these. Please note the WAS. Dont bother marrying this man, this is how he is, and you will only end up dealing with a divorce when you cant take it any more.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> This does not describe a great man, sorry. I was married to one of these. Please note the WAS. Dont bother marrying this man, this is how he is, and you will only end up dealing with a divorce when you cant take it any more.


Well....this is how he is now....

Being in his shoes, I think "crabby" is a defense mechanism for some guys that don't know how to cope with certain aspects of thier lives that they have no experience dealing with emotionally.

Except, after a while, it turns into habit and becomes the standard way to deal with everything emotionally. This is a very hard habit to break. Sometimes, the only way to break it is to lead him to the edge of the cliff, lean him over, and see how he reacts. Does he pull himself back up, or keep leaning further and fall over?

By cliff, I mean something drastic, like separation and or divorce.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Happy one minute then crabby the next doesn't sound like the way to spend your life with someone. It's also not 
healthy! You might need to rethink things. Just because you love him and feel he's great doesn't mean you need to
be with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

You just described my father. He can be SO MUCH FUN one minute and then a complete a$$hole the next. He is sarcastic and snide and rude and everyone walks around on eggshells when he is like this. My mom tries to "nice" him back by tip toeing around him and giving in to whatever he wants. 

My mom is miserable. If she told me tomorrow she was leaving him I'd be opening up my front door and making up her bed. I wish she had the guts to do it because I think it might be the wake up call he needs. 

Eventually, my father decided to go on anti-deppressents. He still got into his moods but he was 90% better. Things were going well until he decided he didn't need them anymore. Well, guess what? He's back to being a jerk and my mother is back being miserable. 

Please. Don't end up like my mom. Like alphaomega said above, it's time to show him the edge of the cliff.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Pain meds also came to my mind. You might be seeing the effects of addiction/withdrawal.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

It sounds like depression or something similar. I wouldn't stay with this person if they aren't willing to work on the issue or get into IC. 

How does he respond to your letters?


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