# Just curious



## mistyd (Jun 11, 2008)

Okay,

I just am curious about something. My husband is a hard working man and I know that he needs to get out every once in awhile with friends and family to get a break. Dont we all. My problem is when he is around people and drinking is involved he is like two different people. Like this weekend, for instance, he and his little brother drunk some beers and decided to get out and go riding around. I had no problem with that. I just asked him not be out all night. Well, at 4:30 am they come rolling in. Of course I was upset. I told his little brother to go home and not to come back round for awhile. I told hubby that we needed to talk. He tells me I am always trying to control what he does and where he goes. I have never done him like until recently when he stayed out all night and the tale got around that he had slept with someone while out. My trust is not so good in him right now because of this. I dont believe for a minute that he slept with that person but I still cant get over the fact that it was told. He says well why dont you put yourself in my shoes and so on. If I was the one staying out, you wouldnt even want to imagine what I would go through. But I have no intention of doing that to him. When it is just us and our kids around he is nothing like that but when his family comes around he changes or something. I dont know if he thinks he has something to prove to them or what it is. When I try to talk to him and tell him how I am feeling he gets all mad and puffs up and tries to blame it all on me. 

Has anyone else been in this situation? What could be going on?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Maybe he feel lack of connection with his family. But you are in the right here. He has a responcibility to you and his children before anyone else. That isn't to say that he shouldn't have a day when he goes out. That in and of itself is healthy, but with limits and boundries. You ask something simple and he overstepped the line.

draconis


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i have been through it and my hubby did have the one night stand. he came home at 4 am. shirt inside out. 
ive had the drink issues for 13 yrs, but things have only just calmed down now. but it was a long haul before i got there. not an easy ride. 
when the blokes are out together, they egg eachother on and thats why the early hours. my hubby was the same. blamed me. but really i did nothing. it wasnt me that had the vices of drink or playing the field. but this also came from jealous friends, who would see how far hubby would go to upset me. to see if they could split us up. its a terrible game. but men play to. 
im not saying some women dont do the same, they do. 
and when the beer is in the wits out.


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## mistyd (Jun 11, 2008)

There for awhile the drink issue was really bad here. He admitted that he had a problem and has went from drinking about 18 a day and only god knows how many on the weekend to buying a six pack a day and only drinking about 4 of them. He only buys a 12 pack now for the weekend but I have always told him I dont mind him drinking just dont go to far. I grew up with a mom who drunk all the time and he has it in his family as well. I am glad that he has slowed down on drinking. His brothers I think try to push him when they are around because they all drink like fish and I guess he thinks it is alright or something. I drink on occasions and I dont turn into another person. Actually, he has told me, that I am not a bad person to be around drinking. 

I wrote him a note today for when he gets home trying to explain how I was feeling and why I was mad. I am better a writing it down than trying to exlpain it to him that way I know it is sinking in. Seems like when I try to speak my words get jumbled up and I get really frustrated over it. So writing works for me and he understands better what I am trying to say. 

He is mad because I told his brother to go home. His brother dont know about the tale that was going around and I would like to keep it at that. Should I apologize to his little brother and explain to him why I acted the way I did? I think I should but I dont have no idea.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I see a little compromise is needed here.

Sometimes I liek to jsut hang out wih neighbors or friends and just drink and BS, not counting the beers, they just flow.

My wife never asks me to be home at any certain time, she just knows that I will come home (usually i am just a few houses away)

I find it alarming and idiotic your hubby and his brother went riding while drunk, very stupid, that is an easy death.

I like to get ripped every once in while drinking, but as I get older it is far less often and I pay a heavier price. (hangover)

I mean it is up to you, I would say, Ok if you are going to hang out at your brothers house, go ahead and get ripped, but stay the night and sleep it off, no driving, nothing stupid, just have a good time.

Instead of drawing lines and causing more issues, you two need to sit down and compromise.

Drining around you....no more then 12 beers.

A night at the brothers house, or families, he can get ripped as long as no driving is involved.

Sending his brother home was wrong if he had to drive and he was drinking, he could have died in a car accident, next time let him sleep it off.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i find at the end of the day, the ppl in your relationship, your hubby and you, you are the only ones that really knows what going on in your relationship. 
other ppl come in from the side lines. they dont live your lives because they live there own. i dont personally c why you should explain, when the little brother doesnt live in your shoes!


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