# New Perfect Marriage but lacking sex



## breakingDown (Dec 7, 2011)

Hi Everyone,

I can't believe i'm actually on to this. Never knew a time like this will come where i'll have to ask for help on this issue. I have been trying a lot lately to figure out whats wrong but today when i was not able to force myself to sleep i thought of searching on google and here i was reading about a lot of girls/women going through the same as me.

I am 25 years old. People tell me i'm very attractive and pretty. I met my husband in school and i knew him since 6th grade. We didn't really talk much until we were in high school. We became best friends and then madly in love. We never ever had a bad fight or arguments. It took a lot of hard work to convince our families that we are a perfect match and after almost 9 years of knowing him we finally got married in July, 2011. 

It's almost 6 months now and we are very much in love. we don't fight. we don't argue. everything just seems perfect except our sex life. it's not that we don't feel attracted to eachother. we hug and kiss all the time. we always show love towards eachother. He appreciates everything about me and even i do. 

We did get little physical even before marriage but never had sex before marriage. On our wedding night we did have sex for 5 mins i guess in which i didnt really feel any pleasure but he said he did. As we both were new to it we didn't really know alot about sex. only through friends or internet we did read about it. during the first few days we did try having sex evry other day but mostly it was that he used to feel satisfied even before he turns me on. i kept waiting thinking that maybe it's the beginning and everything will be fine with time. it's almost 6 months now since we r married. it's not that he dnt feel im attracted he does gets turn on everytime i dress up sexy or even try to touch him but as soon as we start he losses his erection with in 1 mins of being over me. Most of the time he gets released even before getting inside and then he never gets erected again no matter what i try. he never comes upto me and says he wana have sex. he does it with me everytime i show him i wana do it but i would love to have him come to me himself. we are hardly having sex once a week and even after a week when he gets on me he gets satisfied within a min and there i am all frustrated!! i dnt shout or fight or anything but that does piss me off and he feels it. he tries hard to please me but it just doesn't help. i do feel like having sex often and i even told him i do wana have sex more often but it seems he forgets or he doesn't feel the need. i've heard from my friends that they have sex mostly everyday at least in the first few months or their marriage but it's hard for me to understand what is the problem with my husband. I'm sure he loves me, i'm sure he's not cheating on me, i'm sure he's attracted to me i feel it all. i just don't get it that why is he not in mood to have sex more than once a week. we do have good sex once a month but apart from that it's just him getting the pleasure and i'm just getting all filled with frustration. i don't want our marriage to fail when everything is so perfect apart from sex. i just want anyone to tell me what to do. i can't talk to anyone about it. i'm just so upset. Plz let me know what can i do to make him feel excited about sex.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi breakingDown ~

Perhaps he has some performance anxiety or feels a lot of pressure to perform and it is resulting in him having premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation - PubMed Health

Has he gone to his doctor to talk about it? Sometimes, using an ED med like Viagra, for a short period can help a man get over this anxiety. You might want to consider him discussing this with his doctor.

There needs to be some more positive communication methods between you two as well. I know that people think marriage counseling may be for people who are not newlyweds, but there's no age limit or time limit on needing to learn how to communicate with each other more effectively. 

In the meantime, be loving, considerate, patient, positive, and upbeat with him. It takes practice to become a great lover (the more practice the better). 

Best wishes.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

One can buy things to stop premature ejaculation from any drug store You dont need a doctor and its quite common. I think your problem will sort itself out in time. Its possible that he feels pressurised by you for not being able to satisfy you. Go easy. Its also quite common not to be able to do it again. You have to get the first time right! I dont advise you to follow the previous poster by trying other things. Get this one right.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Well I beg to differ.
May I ask a personal question which has some bearing. You talk about erection. How about ejaculation. I get a feeling its not there.


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

;do you have foreplay? Does he take time before hand to make sure you are fully aroused. The actual intercourse should take place after some foreplay, and my husband almost always gets me off once in foreplay, before penetration, which then makes it easier for me to get off on actual intercourse.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

When I was 25 or so… a little younger, I had the same problem Before my wife, I had very little sex, Mostly for the same reason. I would last about a minute or so. Sex scared the heck out of me. So I became amazing at oral. Now many many years later at 45, I can last as long as I want. Usually 45 minutes or so and then I am exhausted and force myself to cum. Practice practice practice. I agree with the Viagra post… It may help for the short term. However to get a 25 year old to see a doctor about ED may not be easy. I wish they had Viagra back then for me.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

try getting him drunk? if he has no problems while drunk, you know its anxiety...


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

You have to find out what is causing is lack of desire. There is a long list of reasons married men are not interested in sex with their wives. Most of these reasons having nothing to do with the spouse. Indeed these desire problems most likely would have cropped up no matter who the man married.

Find out if he had desire problems in past relationships. Does he suffer from sexual dysfunctions of any kind? What was his childhood and family of origin like? Was there any physical, sexual or psychological trauma? Is he the child of depressed or alcoholic parents? Does he view porn and masturbate frequently? Does he suffer from anxiety or depression? Does he suffer from any physical problems like being overweight, diabetes, or prostate difficulties? He should check his testosterone levels too. These are just some of the causes of a husband lacking desire for marital sex.


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