# I was more sexually active when I was single...



## danix4u (Aug 8, 2012)

Guys/Gals,

I need your help. I have been married for 3 years and I am in my mid thirties, and I remember when I was single, I had always a boner when I think of a woman, I was always watching porn and masturbating. After I got married, my wife is asking me for sex and I do not feel like doing it. I am not sure, why I am like that, even when I watch porn I do not get boner these days but I feel the excitement, however with my wife, I get boner but not in the mood, I feel like I am pushing my self to have sex sometimes.

I am not sure if my current life is right for me, but I was sexually happier before.

Please help me what to do....


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

quit watching porn.

when you masterbate think of your wife.

go to the doctor and get checked out.

start exercising.

get more sleep.

with the little info you gave us this is all I can think of.


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## needyForHelp (Aug 8, 2012)

I agree with chillymorn

quit watching porn, quit masterbuating. and try foreplay and if your wife is OK with it, then do some role play and be imaginative and do stuff together. and yes start excercising that will help.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I agree with others. Go to the doctor and try and see if there is something physical and excercising can to wonders for the libido as well as provide for L/T cardio health which is critical to preserve general and sexual health. Your post did not indicate your frequency of porn use but, you may want to scale that back. 
Personally, I find sex with my wife has an intimacy and closeness that is unrivaled by more casual encounters. I love to please her and nothing can rival this. Part of being married is taking great joy in making your partner happy. On the other hand for many men having the same partner lacks “excitement factor” that single life allows. I love my wife, kids and the life my wife and I have. I think marriage provides the stability that is needed to raise children well. Men’s desire for variety is “dirty little secret/white lie” that men have. I think this topic deserves its own thread to not detract from your issue. 
I think there is enough information available online and/or through posts like this to support the notion that marriage for many men is less sexually gratifying (AGAIN FOR MANY MEN) than single life that it has to be taken as a pseudo-given. That said you have to find out how/ if you can spice things up to your liking. The other thing you should consider is what your life will look like when you/if sex becomes less of a priority because of the natural effect of aging that effect many men as they age. Sometime the grass is greener…..


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## jman (Jun 20, 2012)

I agree with the title of your thread, was absolutely more sexually active before marriage



danix4u said:


> After I got married, my wife is asking me for sex


...and because this doesn't happen to me often is exactly the reason why my single life was much more sexually satisfying


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## danix4u (Aug 8, 2012)

I used to watch porn everyday for two to three hours, but these days may one a week for an hour or less. Yes, I miss the single life excitment, dating a different woman everyweek, and I have that fetish about tall women, 5'10 and above, my wife 5'7, I do not know know from where I got it, but when I got married I found that I was so obessed with tall women.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

JANIX,

I think we all have lusts, fetishes etc. Some of us may like body parts different than our wife's, different hair color or whatever. I married late in life because i did not think that I would be happy with one women. For most men the lack of variety is something we seek and struggle with not being able to have. 

I think for men that have success in the dating scene, where new women are easy to find (which it sounds like you did) you get used to having your cake and eat it to so to speak (I am not being critical). A new women eager to be with you sexually is a hugely exciting thing for most men. For most men the most beautiful women (even if she is a real wildcat in the bedroom) can become a little boring for many men. I would imagine this holds true for women too on some level but, since i am not a women....

Unlike you, I don't have the slightest problem getting aroused by my wife. I do however, enjoy looking at images and videos of other women. I think this satisfies my desire for variety. We used to be able to incorporate this into our sex and spice things up but, no so much anymore. So i do this alone. It was more fun doing it together though. 

Perhaps you can find ways to spice things up. Like many things in life marriage is a compromise. 

Not sure if this helps.


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## danix4u (Aug 8, 2012)

tJohnson,

You have hit the nail on the head. Yes, I was like that. Now you said you watch pics and movies, does you wife know about that? Do you release on those pics and movies? how can you satisfy what you had before by only watching images and movies alone?


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

danix4u said:


> Yes, I miss the single life excitment, dating a different woman everyweek, and I have that fetish about tall women, 5'10 and above, my wife 5'7, I do not know know from where I got it, but when I got married I found that I was so obessed with tall women.


I like tall women too, but preferably skinny like a model. It's hot.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> quit watching porn.
> 
> when you masterbate think of your wife.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

"Boner?" :rofl::rofl:

Haven't heard that since grade seven.

Are you attracted to your wife?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Quit screwing with your own mind (pun intended). Why waste your time on images of women when you have a perfectly functioning live one? The images you are getting so hot and bothered over aren't even real, don't know you, probably wouldn't like you, and you probably wouldn't like them. You signed up to be a faithful husband. Give it a try.


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## CyrusMccasl (Aug 13, 2012)

I think this topic deserves its own thread to not detract from your issue


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Whilst I agree with all of the above I also think its the 'chase' that gives us the thrill!

When we are single, we are on the prowl, like a sexually charged lion....having sex with as many different women as possible. Its our basic animalistic instinct.

Then we get married and suddenly we realise (sub-consciously) that this is it....this lady is the only person we are going to have sex with for the rest of our lives. Our hunting days are over!

Of course, the best sex we should ever have is with our spouses...sex is 'on tap' no more chasing to get it. Sadly life isnt always like that.

Maybe thats also why you are having problems 'performing'....

But first step would be to make sure that all the plumbing is working properly!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Adex said:


> I like tall women too, but preferably skinny like a model. It's hot.


Lol...dont most men? 









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

danix4u said:


> I have been married for 3 years and I am in my mid thirties, and I remember when I was single, I had always a boner when I think of a woman, I was always watching porn and masturbating. After I got married, my wife is asking me for sex and I do not feel like doing it. I am not sure, why I am like that, even when I watch porn I do not get boner these days but I feel the excitement, however with my wife, I get boner but not in the mood, I feel like I am pushing my self to have sex sometimes.
> 
> I am not sure if my current life is right for me, but I was sexually happier before.


I was mentioning this on another thread, but it sounds like you might be dealing with the Madonna/***** complex. Like you've been on a steady diet of porn for so long that you think that's the way it's supposed to be. But once the courtship was over and you were married, it felt wrong to include these fantasies with your wife because it would somehow "defile" her.

I had the same problem for a LONG time. It took almost as long to fix it. My wife told me again and again that she'd be willing to try something if I suggested it, and I just didn't believe her.

Does your wife know about what you're watching? Have you talked about each other's fantasies? If not, you may discover that you have very similar or compatible fantasies.


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## danix4u (Aug 8, 2012)

Can you elaborate more on what you did to fix it? I read about it and I can relate to it.

Yes, she knows and she does not like it all, so sometimes I watch without telling her.


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