# Trying so hard



## ragespeed

Wife and I have been separated since mid March I’m in my own house and she is in hers less than a block away trying so desperately to reconcile but she won’t go to counseling she always says she is too busy she owns her own business a daycare she can shut it down for a day or two and it’s no problem I feel like she doesn’t want to go so it’s excuse after excuse i go to counseling once a week I journal every day a lot our separation came about because I was in a deep depression and she lied to me about some minor stuff that wouldn’t have been a big deal honestly but I have a history of anxiety and depression and abandonment issues I’ve been cheated on and she went on a trip to Vegas with the girls her aunt and a sister in law she said she would check in regularly but she never did would ignore my phone calls which made my anxiety a million times worse when she got back she said I can’t do this anymore I think we should go our separate ways I was devastated but I just want her to be happy so I left got my own place well then she says maybe we just separate for awhile and I agree then she invites me over at night to have sex and is fine one day and then she is cold the next she has told me at least three times since mid March we should go our separate ways the most recent thing to occur is yesterday she springs in on me that she is on a plane flying to Portland for the weekend I super hurt and honestly I am so lost now we don’t have any kids together and she says we should go our separate ways than texts me the next morning that we shouldn’t rush to divorce I’m not giving up on reconciliation just yet but I’m mentally exhausted


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## Rob_1

You are seeing things from a "hopium" point of view. What you are not seeing is that your wife is done with the relationship. You are desperately wanting the relationship, but obviously she's done. It's only that she's not being upfront (probably she hasn't have the heart to tell the truth) and she's being coy in the hope that you will tired and move on. She's right now making sure that separating from you is the right thing to do for her. When she realizes that there's no buts about it, she'll cut you off completely and move on for a divorce. It's just a matter of time for her while she's getting her ducks in a row I'm afraid. 
'

People that has to deal with individuals that suffer from depression and other mental issues suffer greatly with the moral dilemma of leaving a partner in those conditions, but after a while most of them cannot take it anymore and they leave. It seems that this's your wife's case. 

My advice to you: better accept that for her is over and for you start moving emotionally away from her. Better yet, do not leave the decision in her hands; you serve her with divorce papers. This might shake her off and reconsider or not, but that's all yo can do. Good luck.


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## Bubblehead

Old thread I understand, but Hopium is a dangerous emotional drug..
Start getting your own life and build your mind and health up, become happier.
Put the phone down, start taking more exits down the depression highway and find things to do.
She is done..


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## TJW

ragespeed said:


> we don’t have any kids together and she says we should go our separate ways


You may very well thank God you have no kids together. That would make this far worse. I agree with the other posters that she's done. She only feels guilty for hurting you.



ragespeed said:


> I have a history of anxiety and depression and abandonment issues I’ve been cheated on


Seek some professional help, and let go of her. She is going to be "toxic" to you in the state you're in.


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## Openminded

The OP posted once five months ago.


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## Bubblehead

^ everyone can still read and learn, agree?


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## Openminded

Bubblehead said:


> ^ everyone can still read and learn, agree?


Zombie threads are usually closed.


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## Bubblehead

^ sorry, 3 sheets to the wind right now, just reading and reading threads.


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## DownByTheRiver

I'm sorry to tell you but your wife doesn't want to be married anymore. Likely your anxiety is smothering her as well as the normal marriage conflicts. Look you don't have kids. The time to get outage now. Continue your counseling and bravo for getting in counseling. It's not working out for either of you. You just need to accept and let her go. Shakira's something about you but living together isn't working. She is making a new life for herself so it's time to let go.


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## MattMatt

Zombie Cat believes this thread should be closed down. His cousin agrees.


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