# I'm back-Financially downing & he's a brick



## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

So, I just reviewed my previous post back last year... It seems I may be a complete lunatic. But for anyone who will listen/ read- here goes..On a lighter note- He has stopped the inappropriate texts/ communications (to my knowledge- I haven't looked b/c I don't want to be a crazy B)
My H has been going back to school- something WE agreed upon- but It was agreed he would contribute SOME to the household. Well, it hasn't quite worked out that way.. He now has a PT job, but doesn't help! He says he has expenses such as eating out every meal, his personal tax debt and traveling expenses for school. But when I calculate it- he has plenty (IMO). What gets me is that he doesn't even say "hey, I don't have a lot but here's a little $ for bills" and He has not once sat down and said "what can WE do about the finances"- It is just assumed I will take care of everything. However, since this school adventure started I have become more in debt trying to stay above water- now there is no more Peter to pay Paul.. and I feel USED.
The only time he contributes is when we have an argument and he gives me $ just to shut up. He says he will not give me his check b/c he refuses to beg for allowance (like a child) BUT I have to, in essence, beg when we argue.
It's gotten to the point where I had to ask family for assistance with bills and they are no longer willing to help me "enable him". ALSO, he totaled my car (no fault of his) but now I have to borrow a vehicle- and he has not once said "what can we do to get back to where we were". 
He has just recently been staying at home at nights for the past few months he would leave EVERY night to hang out with friends. I talked with him about this and he stated since he wasn't getting the affection he "needs" (to him affection = sex) then he would rather leave. It appears we are at an impasse- He wants sex and I frankly do not b/c I am stressed with maintaining the household, kids, job, etc. B/c he does not help in the house much (maybe cleaning his own mess up, but rarely more) Plus, honestly there's a lot of resentment there. 
I would rather attempt to work on our issues then admit defeat- but we can not communicate- it goes nowhere every single time- like talking to a rock. He's open to counseling (if I pay and he gets to choose) oh, that's another issue- He's decided he's now an atheist and refuses to go to any christian related services (which are far more affordable).
To be honest- if he had money and place to go- I don't think he would be with me.. It's sad- but I feel I may be being used and I don;t want to be a doormat. There is no WE only ME and HIS. 
Long- but had to vent.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

mndln said:


> To be honest- if he had money and place to go- I don't think he would be with me.. It's sad- but I feel I may be being used and I don;t want to be a doormat. There is no WE only ME and HIS.
> Long- but had to vent.


What is the reason for you not to be already in divorce proceedings?


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> What is the reason for you not to be already in divorce proceedings?


I feel bad for some reason- Like I owe it to him and the children to work on things... Maybe if I were a little more open with my affection or something. He comes from a long line of selfish people- maybe I'm holding out hoping he'll change.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

mndln said:


> I feel bad for some reason- Like I owe it to him and the children to work on things... Maybe if I were a little more open with my affection or something. He comes from a long line of selfish people- maybe I'm holding out hoping he'll change.


I understand the feeling. Unfortunately, holding out hope is a coping method in humans that has caused many of us to do things that are not rationale.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

mndln said:


> He says he has expenses such as eating out every meal,


Well, this is bull. anybody can brown bag at any time. Hell, I can easily afford to eat out every meal, but I bring a bag lunch to work at least 95% of the time. I do the same when I'm on the road. Oh, and you can do it healthier as well. 




mndln said:


> However, since this school adventure started I have become more in debt trying to stay above water- now there is no more Peter to pay Paul.. and I feel USED.


Having not seen your first post, I have to ask. Are you married or just living together? Is this personal debt or joint debt (you say "I" have become more in debt)



mndln said:


> He says he will not give me his check b/c he refuses to beg for allowance (like a child)


Hmmm... behave like a child... get treated like a child





mndln said:


> He has just recently been staying at home at nights for the past few months he would leave EVERY night to hang out with friends.


If he has time to go out every night with friends, he has time to up his part time employment to full time.



mndln said:


> I talked with him about this and he stated since he wasn't getting the affection he "needs" (to him affection = sex) then he would rather leave.It appears we are at an impasse- He wants sex and I frankly do not b/c I am stressed with maintaining the household, kids, job, etc. B/c he does not help in the house much (maybe cleaning his own mess up, but rarely more) Plus, honestly there's a lot of resentment there.


Why on earth would he think any woman wants to have sex with a lazy, unproductive, slacker? 




mndln said:


> To be honest- if he had money and place to go- I don't think he would be with me.. It's sad- but I feel I may be being used and I don;t want to be a doormat. There is no WE only ME and HIS.
> Long- but had to vent.


That may well be true. I second Steve's comment. I know it would feel like admitting defeat, but it would be claiming victory for you and your children. If you are married and can't kick him out of the house, the least you can do right now is separate finances. You can't control his paycheck but you can sure control your own. Get you own account and give him nothing out of it. Can you and the kids move into a cheaper place? If he wants to live there, he has to pay you his share of rent. He gets nothing from you. No lunch money. No gas money. No tuition, no books, no travel expenses. You do nothing to help with his tax debt. The ONLY debt you concentrate on is your own--_and you make sure he has zero opportunity to add to your debt. _

Bottom line: Since his attitude is that there is no WE, you hold him to that. Let him really see what no WE looks like and how that changes HIS life. Whether or not you pull the plug on the marriage, you _absolutely must _pull the plug on joint finances. No sane person willingly hosts a parasite.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

mndln said:


> So, I just reviewed my previous post back last year... It seems I may be a complete lunatic. But for anyone who will listen/ read- here goes..On a lighter note- He has stopped the inappropriate texts/ communications (to my knowledge- I haven't looked b/c I don't want to be a crazy B)
> My H has been going back to school- something WE agreed upon- but It was agreed he would contribute SOME to the household. Well, it hasn't quite worked out that way.. He now has a PT job, but doesn't help! He says he has expenses such as eating out every meal, his personal tax debt and traveling expenses for school. But when I calculate it- he has plenty (IMO). What gets me is that he doesn't even say "hey, I don't have a lot but here's a little $ for bills" and He has not once sat down and said "what can WE do about the finances"- It is just assumed I will take care of everything. However, since this school adventure started I have become more in debt trying to stay above water- now there is no more Peter to pay Paul.. and I feel USED.
> The only time he contributes is when we have an argument and he gives me $ just to shut up. He says he will not give me his check b/c he refuses to beg for allowance (like a child) BUT I have to, in essence, beg when we argue.
> It's gotten to the point where I had to ask family for assistance with bills and they are no longer willing to help me "enable him". ALSO, he totaled my car (no fault of his) but now I have to borrow a vehicle- and he has not once said "what can we do to get back to where we were".
> ...


Your H is a user, he should be stepping up to the plate to take care of his family.

First your family are right, you have to stop enabling him. Are there bills specifically in his name, then stop paying them. Stop doing anything for him, stop cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, just take care of you and the kids.
Do you own the house or is it rented? 
If it is rented, move out to a cheaper place, take the kids and take care of yourself and the kids.
Could you survive financially if you were on your own with the kids?
See Legal Aid to see your options. You are not sleeping with him but basically taking care of an overgrown teenager, another mouth to feed, you could also kick him out.

In fact you must
1. Take a break to clear your head and see where you are. You might find that you don't want him back, what value is he to you and your family - be honest. Ask him to leave.
2. get legal advice to see what your options are
3. you may get more help as a single mother from the state?
4. Ask your family for support to help you get on your feet again, without him. I am sure they would.

However, you have to get to the point where you cannot put up with his BS anymore.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

mndln said:


> I feel bad for some reason- Like I owe it to him and the children to work on things... Maybe if I were a little more open with my affection or something. He comes from a long line of selfish people- maybe I'm holding out hoping he'll change.


You don't have to start divorce proceedings right now, ask for a physical separation, ask him to move out, then clear your head and have time to think and organise your life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you cannot afford marriage counseling, forget it. It's not often all that helpful, it's expensive and it sounds like you cannot afford it. And he's not likely to pay any attention unless they side with him.

Can you get cheap, or not cost counseling at your church FOR YOURSELF?

Some more info would help.

What percentage of your joint income does he make?

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

What bills that are his alone do you pay?

What chores do you around the house that are his alone; such as washing his laundry?


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Well, this is bull. anybody can brown bag at any time. Hell, I can easily afford to eat out every meal, but I bring a bag lunch to work at least 95% of the time. I do the same when I'm on the road. Oh, and you can do it healthier as well.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


All the bills, mortgage, etc. are in my name- I bought the house before we were together. He had access to my CCs and ran up significant balances (I know- my fault- should have been more assertive- BUT I thought he was going to help!) 
We do have separate accounts- I do not want my name on an account due to his tax issues.. 
Yes, I can make it without him- I've been doing so thus far.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

mndln said:


> I feel bad for some reason- Like I owe it to him and the children to work on things...


Then go get therapy to get PAST this incorrect sense of guilt. If you're in the US, go to United Way and they'll help you pay for it.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE MARRIED TO HIM. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. You are just a convenience to him. And if you have kids, you are teaching them to grow up to be Users or to be doormats. Because that's all they're seeing.


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

I pay NONE of his bills effective earlier this month- he's responsible for his phone and insurance. 
Joint income =0% as he does not contribute any (he has contributed approx. $100 per month in 1.5 years... in spats $100 here $300 there, etc.) 

He says I'm on a high horse and it's all about money to me.. But the money is not the real problem- just a severe symptom


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

mndln said:


> All the bills, mortgage, etc. are in my name- I bought the house before we were together. He had access to my CCs and ran up significant balances (I know- my fault- should have been more assertive- BUT I thought he was going to help!)
> We do have separate accounts- I do not want my name on an account due to his tax issues..
> Yes, I can make it without him- I've been doing so thus far.


This is good (for the most part). What's your liability if you divorce and send him packing? This is lawyer time. 

I don't want to pry and don't need to know details, but I'm curious as to how a guy with little income was able to rack up significant tax debt. It seems he must have been earning a reasonably large income at one time. Could he go back to doing what he was doing when he was earning enough to get into tax trouble?


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

We separated for about 3 years, during that time he didn't file or pay taxes. It wasn't until we reconciled that I found out and advised him to "get a handle on it" or uncle sam would do it for him. He was "let go" at that position - hence the returning to school thing.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He's a parasite only willing to do what he absolutely must to keep you paying his way while he lived his life.

My .02.... It would be better for the children if you did divorce. He's a piss poor example of manhood and your marriage seems unhealthy at best. Is this what you want your kids to think is normal and ok?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mndln said:


> I pay NONE of his bills effective earlier this month- he's responsible for his phone and insurance.


Good



mndln said:


> Joint income =0% as he does not contribute any (he has contributed approx. $100 per month in 1.5 years... in spats $100 here $300 there, etc.)


Ok, what I mean by joint income is if you add his income and your income together, what percentage of that does he make?



mndln said:


> He says I'm on a high horse and it's all about money to me.. But the money is not the real problem- just a severe symptom


Of course he says things like your are on a high horse. He knows how to manipulate you. He knows that you are unsure of yourself and that he can say stupid stuff and you will go off all confused and feel guilty. You contribute to this by putting up with his nonsense. You need to stop allowing his stupid words to have that kind of power over you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What research have you done to find out about what a divorce will entail?

Do you know the kind of settlement you are likely to get out of a divorce?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Is the credit card he's using a supplementary one, can you have it cancelled and just take out one in your own name. Is there any way you can have his wages garnished for the credit card debt, why must you be responsible for his debt? 

Which country are you living in? If you are in the UK you could speak with the Citazens Advice Bureau if the US I am sure there is some equivalent organisation to help you with this too.


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Good
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sorry, Approx. 4%


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mndln said:


> Sorry, Approx. 4%


For discussion sake, let's say that you earn $4,000 a month. He then earns $160 a month????

Or if $10,000 a month, this income is $320 a month?

That seems like a really small amount for him to be able to contribute anything at all.


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

Holy smokes .. not 4, but 40- sorry didn't review- lightning fingers lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mndln said:


> Holy smokes .. not 4, but 40- sorry didn't review- lightning fingers lol


I thought that might be the case 

So if you earn $4,000 a month, he earns $1,600 a month. (Of course I don't know what you earn but this is just to get an idea.)

How many children do you have?

You are support him, your children and yourself on 60% of your joint income. He clearly earns enough to contribute to the finances of his own family... his own wife and children.

And he earns enough to support himself. Like someone else said, if he has the time to hang out with friends every night, he has a the time for a full time job.

You need to let this sink in. He is not some poor victim here. He can support himself. And since that is the only person he is willing to support, I think you need to let him support himself.

If you kick him out, what will happen most likely is that he will realize that he would like more money so he can live in more than one room. So he will go out and get a fulltime job. And he will most likely also continue with school.

And with him out of the house, your bills will go down quite a bit and you will be able to deal with your debt, etc.

Depending on the level of debt, you might need to file for bankruptcy. It would be best if the bankruptcy was part of a divorce so that it covers both of you. Why? Because if he has debt that he cannot pay, his creditors can come after you for it. So wipe the slate clean

I think you need to the book *Codependent No More & Beyond Codependency* by Melody Beattie (Author) 


You are co-dependent. What that means is that you put the needs of your spouse above your own needs to the point of it destroying you. That's what happens. It's a mode that a lot of people get stuck in when they have a spouse that is a problem. They try to take on all the responsibility and become the 'fit it' person who carries all the responsibility. It's often seen in people who are married to alcoholics and drug addicts. The spouse will enable their habit, covering for the addict. But it also shows up with other bad behaviors like what your husband is doing.

You need to stop enabling him and carrying him. This book is the classic for helping people who are struggling like


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He is selfish and a user. Do whatever it takes to get him out of your house and divorce him.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Complete side note here...big fan of Ben Folds here.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

aine said:


> Is the credit card he's using a supplementary one, can you have it cancelled and just take out one in your own name. Is there any way you can have his wages garnished for the credit card debt, why must you be responsible for his debt?
> 
> Which country are you living in? If you are in the UK you could speak with the Citazens Advice Bureau if the US I am sure there is some equivalent organisation to help you with this too.


If she's in the US, debt incurred during marriage is joint debt regardless of which spouse actually ran up said debt. The good news is that, in a divorce, he'd be court ordered to pay a percentage of the marital debt himself with OP paying the remaining percentage.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Just making sure I understand.

You're raising an irresponsible man-child who expects 'mommy' to take care of the family - financially and in every other way while he does pretty much *nothing*. He goes to school, acts like an ass-hole and sexts women he knows hoping to convince them to waste their time having sex with his worthless ass, and refuses to contribute to the household because that's "mommy's" job to worry about keeping a roof over your heads and food on the table, not Peter Pan's.

You were smart a while back and were separated from this loser for 3 YEARS. I can't _imagine_ what your thought process was in deciding to take this ******* *back*, but you did. And then, not surprisingly, you find out the loser hasn't paid taxes in 3 years which just means MORE debt for you and MORE proof that you're settling for a loser. Even your FAMILY knows what a loser he is and will no longer indulge you in your fantasy that this train-wreck of a marriage is worth keeping. Sadly, you're the only one LEFT who sees any value in clinging to a man-child who refuses to step the hell up and hasn't shown you a shred of* respect *in years.

What's the payoff for you in dragging this parasite around on your back? I mean that sincerely. What *possible* advantages are you getting for settling for this sleaze-bag who can't be trusted as far as you can throw him and who thinks he deserves a free ride on_* your*_ blood, sweat and tears? 

There isn't a *viable *answer to this no matter what answer you come up with. Your family knows it and even we, a bunch of internet strangers, know it.

You'll no doubt continue clinging to him even though you've gotten plenty of advice telling you the reality of your situation. I guess until YOU'RE ready to face the fact that he's completely worthless, you'll continue this farce.

Good luck to you.


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Just making sure I understand.
> 
> You're raising an irresponsible man-child who expects 'mommy' to take care of the family - financially and in every other way while he does pretty much *nothing*. He goes to school, acts like an ass-hole and sexts women he knows hoping to convince them to waste their time having sex with his worthless ass, and refuses to contribute to the household because that's "mommy's" job to worry about keeping a roof over your heads and food on the table, not Peter Pan's.
> 
> ...


Thank you~ That was like a freakin 2x4 to the head. Wake-up call. I think I always knew this, but just holding out for change. I can not make him change. It just took honesty from internet strangers to open my eyes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm glad she got through to you. You are worth so much more than the way he treats you.


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

Hi, I left my now ex husband , this is financial abuse. It is abuse.

My ex ran up debts in cycles all through the marriage, but while I was in that cycle I was in so much denile. I'd never heard the word enabling until he'd been doing this for decades.

All these debts you don't really know how they're racked up 100% leave serious questions about trust & even though you don't realise - your safety & wellbeing. 

In my experience once you stop enabling abuse can escalate in other ways. I experienced a great deal of anger once he realised I meant it. So it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to Women's Aid - UK or a shelter/ support in your area.

I would encourage you to seek help for yourself. You don't have to act today but find out where you stand legally. Part of being frightened is the not knowing. Take some of your own power back.

He is showing you no respect. You deserve better.

It can be SO overwhelming but things can get better. 1 step at a time. 
Will be thinking of you x


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

*Re: I'm back-Financially drowning & he's a brick- UPDATE*

Update- So- I did it- I told him that we need to separate b/c I can no longer take it. This happened on Friday- he insisted he tell the children then (I told him not to involve them- as it wasn't the right time).BUT HE DID ANYWAY, just sat them done and said he was leaving and we couldn't get along. So then I get to try to explain and wipe tears from sad little ones. 
Saturday- he comes back says he was up ALL night and NOW knows - He's the one to blame for our disconnect. He's willing to do "anything"- give me his payck., seek councling, stop being so selfish and become a mature man with responsibilities. I tell him that's great and all but one night and an epiphany- is not going to do it. 
Sunday- I do not talk to him- I stay busy with the kids and such..
This AM he comes home- and states that he knows it was wrong to bring the children into it-and he has to live with that forever (the pain he caused them, me, etc.) He wants to work things out, but doesn't think that working on things while he's moved out is a good idea. BUT if THIS is what I really WANT- then he's going to need time to secure a place to stay and work things out...
SO now what????? He stays in the house- and crap continues as it was for the past year??? Do I say heck no- you brought the kids into this mess and you just can't say "just kidding kids- dad's gonna stay here on the couch". Do I believe him- that in 2 days he's come around?? 
We've been on this merry-go-round before- he changes for awhile then gradually goes back to A-Hole mode... or I am just being an angry B?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, you don't believe him. You can work on it from two places. That's the best way for him to prove he really gets it. Give him until June 30.


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

Hi, when I was at this point I felt SO bombarded by people who were giving me advise, I so wanted for him to get help, sort himself out so we could stay a family.

Dr Phil said something that stuck in my mind, " the best prediction of future behaviour is past relevant behaviour ", it's painful, overwhelming but so true.

He is now trying to hook you, reel you back in, he's talking the talk - He knows EXACTLY what you want to hear.. he's good at it isn't he? He's very cunning and manipulative.

You know he won't keep his promises.
You know you can't trust him.


Once he sees hiis tactics are not working he will switch into something else...temper, intimidation maybe even flaunting another woman. He'll not really want to lose being able to continue as you are, take care.
He is not going change.
You will be ok without him. 
X


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

*Re: I'm back-Financially drowning & he's a brick- UPDATE*



mndln said:


> Update- So- I did it- I told him that we need to separate b/c I can no longer take it. This happened on Friday- he insisted he tell the children then (I told him not to involve them- as it wasn't the right time).BUT HE DID ANYWAY, just sat them done and said he was leaving and we couldn't get along. So then I get to try to explain and wipe tears from sad little ones.
> Saturday- he comes back says he was up ALL night and NOW knows - He's the one to blame for our disconnect. He's willing to do "anything"- give me his payck., seek councling, stop being so selfish and become a mature man with responsibilities. I tell him that's great and all but one night and an epiphany- is not going to do it.
> Sunday- I do not talk to him- I stay busy with the kids and such..
> This AM he comes home- and states that he knows it was wrong to bring the children into it-and he has to live with that forever (the pain he caused them, me, etc.) He wants to work things out, but doesn't think that working on things while he's moved out is a good idea. BUT if THIS is what I really WANT- then he's going to need time to secure a place to stay and work things out...
> ...


There has been no epiphany and there will be no changing...not long term, anyway. Give him a time limit to get his crap together, then he's OUT. Put his clothes out on the porch on that date if you need to. This is horrible for your kids, him leaving then coming back. You know the pattern, get him out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: I'm back-Financially drowning & he's a brick- UPDATE*



mndln said:


> Update- So- I did it- I told him that we need to separate b/c I can no longer take it. This happened on Friday- he insisted he tell the children then (I told him not to involve them- as it wasn't the right time).BUT HE DID ANYWAY, just sat them done and said he was leaving and we couldn't get along. So then I get to try to explain and wipe tears from sad little ones.
> 
> Saturday- he comes back says he was up ALL night and NOW knows - He's the one to blame for our disconnect. He's willing to do "anything"- give me his payck., seek councling, stop being so selfish and become a mature man with responsibilities. I tell him that's great and all but one night and an epiphany- is not going to do it.
> 
> ...


Where did he stay when he was away? Why can't he stay there now. Just tell him that no, cannot come back right now. He has his own money, he can figure it out.

Keep in mind that legally you cannot kick him out. Hopefully he does not know that. If he does return against your will, then file for divorce. He can sleep in he basement, on he couch, a tent in the back yard, anywhere but not with you.

And proceed with the divorce. You have to let him know that you are serious.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And remember if you file for divorce, you can always call it off if he gets his act together over the next year or so.

But also remember human nature - if he doesn't HAVE to change, he won't. So if you let him stay, he'll have no reason to change.


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

Be mindful of what you threaten...dont lay a threat down unless you are prepared to follow it through ie divorce.

Thinking of you x


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## mndln (Oct 4, 2016)

OK- so I know this is getting pretty old- BUT I am so on the fence about this situation now. So, we've talked and talked... He REALLY wants to work on us, but says it appears my mind is made up and there's nothing he can do about it..
He said he needed until the end of the month- July- to secure a new place to live. OK- I'm good with that.
BUT now he's freaking father of the year- Champion of the household, etc. Spending time with the kids- helping with daily routines.
WHY COULDN'T HE JUST DO THIS TO BEGIN WITH? I mean WTF? Is he just messing with me? 
Now, I am starting to feel horrible- I mean, I think the best thing would be to separate, but now second guessing myself. I keep telling myself he's doing this for show- just to stay, BUT what if? What if he's had a "come to Jesus" moment- so to speak.. 
I mean we actually talked without arguing/ fusing, etc. Maybe it would be better for the kids to have both of us around. 
Ramblings of a severely confused woman.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He might have had that "come to Jesus" moment. Or he might be putting on a good show until in hopes that you will stop the divorce.

Then end of the month is 3 weeks away. Few fakers can keep it up that long.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He hasn't had a 'come to Jesus' moment. He's had a 'come to pocketbook' moment. Why didn't he act like a husband and father before? Because he didn't have to. There were no consequences for his lazy-azz behavior. But, now, faced with sleeping in his car or ACTING like a decent human being he figures he can fake it 'til you're all snuggled into cozy again and then he can go back to his real life.

Let him move out and proceed with a divorce. After a year, if you're still so inclined, take a temperature reading on the relationship and survey his improvements. You don't have to marry him, again. 

Just make sure you don't yo-yo. It'll save your children some heart-ache and therapy in the future.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He's still a deadbeat. You can't change that.


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