# My "Perfect" Ex-Wife



## bwt20racer (Apr 18, 2016)

Picture High School. Boy buys girl flowers (carnations) each Valentine's and girl has nothing to do with boy. Boy goes to the military and girl goes off to school. Girl finds boy online on Facebook 20 years later and wants to meet up with boy because he is muscular now. Girl moves from Washington State and meets up with boy. Girl and boy get married in a whirlwind marriage on the beach that makes the front page of a huge city newspaper. Here is the link: 

{removed link.. EleGirl}

Fast forward to 2015 .. it's Summer. I get depression and all the years of my bad childhood and military times catch up to me. I start to question my marriage because I was depressed and I start wondering why I am with my wife. I have an affair with my wife's friend who she also works with and has to see her everyday at school. I had sex with her in the office of my house where I work. My wife gives me a chance again, but I can't get the other woman out of my head. Depression got to me and this woman was filling a gap my wife wasn't at the time. My wife talks about divorce but isn't serious. She does have some papers drafted up but isn't serious about signing them. My wife tries her best to keep me happy.. and one morning, I leave her a note and sign the papers thinking she wants that (January 4th, 2016). I leave that day and go get professional help from the VA. A month later (January 28th, 2016), the divorce date happens, and we are divorced in 10 minutes.. seven years down the drain in 10 minutes. That night.. I am at the gym and have a heart attack and die for 6 minutes. My wife comes to see me and I tell her "I died twice today". From that day on, I did everything I could to keep her and try to win her back. I also got rid of the woman I cheated on completely. My "wife" still has to see her on a daily basis down the hall, but she has since been let go and is moving to another school District, far, far away in 6 weeks.

Present day, she just started dating a new guy about three weeks ago. We still stay in contact and are pleasant to each other but she told me she is with someone. She did tell me she started having sex with him right away in our house and it almost sounded as if she meant to hurt me, which is NOT like her character at all. She said "apparently I do like sex since you said I never wanted it".

At this time, we have no final divorce decree, she is struggling to pay the bills as I supported the household income by at least 80% at the time, she is trying to get the mortgage in her name for a $175,000 note on a school teacher income of $30,000 take home. She sort of asks for money at times, but I tell her "sorry, we are divorced". I created her lifestyle.. buying her fancy things, a Lexus SUV, you name it. 

I have not done a No Contact period, if I have it's been just a few days. This is a delicate situation as the final decree isn't in yet, we still have bills we split, we are still sorting things out at the house, she's trying to get it in her name.. and now she has a guy in her life that "makes her happy" and "i'm already having sex with him". It's only been six weeks since the divorce.

My "wife" is a very passive person by nature and she's not good at saying "no". 

Guys.. I made a mistake. I cheated on her and am disgusted by it completely. She did have an emotional affair on my on March 12th, 2013. She was secretly texting a guy in a city an hour from me and she secretly "met up for lunch" as well. I forgave her for it because we all make mistakes. My mistake, cost me my best friend and my damn near perfect for me wife.

I did get help at the VA, and my counselor last met with me and 15 minutes in the conversation, she got up from her seat, walked to me and said "stand up", I stood up and she started crying and said "most people say they change, but you have actually changed.. you are a new man.. ". My counselor made me do a worksheet to see if I truly love her or if I just miss her.. and she said I passed with flying colors on the "I truly love her" side..

I want my "ex" back. I have truly learned from my mistakes, and my depression got the best of me last Summer. Ideas??

~ Jeff


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sometimes we break things so badly they can never be fixed.

How about couple's counselling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I removed the link to the story and pictures of your wife. Posting of personal information is not allowed on TAM.

A search of the internet turned up other sites where you posted the above story to include the link to the article & pictures. I suggest that you remove the link from those sites as well.. unless of course you are inviting some unwanted attention to your wife and yourself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You probably need to just move on. She is already doing that. 

It's very hard to recover a marriage after an affair and it does not sound like the two of you are able to do that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I also merged your two threads. Please only post one thread on a topic.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

It sounds like you only got out of your affair fog when you "died" and needed your wife. Stop blaming your depression on your affair. Take responsibility. You choose to have an affair. Your ex is divorced, so she can have sex with anyone she wants to. At least she waited until the marriage was over unlike yourself. You can sit down with her and ask her if you two can start dating again but it sounds like she has moved on.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

You said she did not like sex.....when did the Sex drop off? After her "just for lunch" meeting with POSOM in 2013?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

BWT, it sounds you want "your best friend and perfect wife" back because you no longer have her. You need to do a little re-calculation on where you both were before your perfect marriage ended. Hence;

1. You walk out the door, signing the divorce papers after, by your own admission, did everything to make you happy.
2. She apparently didn't enjoy sex with you. And according to her, you didn't either.
3. You both cheated, with you doing her friend and falling in lo....errrr, "a fog" where you couldn't get the chick out of your head. She, on the other hand getting in a EA and meeting the guy, _cough, cough_, for lunch.
4. She letting you know, up close and personal, how much she enjoys sex with the other guy and in a committed relationship, leading to,
5. Youre now the guy pursuing a woman in a committed relationship and more than willing to take her away from the guy she's now with.
Maybe you can go on these threads and explain why the so called POSOM is willing to break up a relationship.

On the positive side, you're both on a level playing field if her relationship with the other guy goes south. In the meantime, if you love her so much, why don't you just let her enjoy having good sex with her new fellow and wait to see what happens.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And why would you want to embarrass your ex wife in this way by providing links to her name and her image?

Are you really her ex-husband? 

Or someone else posing as her ex?

This behaviour is pretty stalkerish. 

You wouldn't happen to be the subject of any legal injunctions, would you, by any chance?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She's moved on. You need to do the same.

Make all the excuses you want. You cheated because you wanted to. I'm sure she was depressed at times but she didn't go out and have an affair. So cut the bullsh!t.

You passed the point of no return and she let you go as she should have.


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## bwt20racer (Apr 18, 2016)

Thanks for all the comments. I appreciate them.

I only posted that link up to show what we had at one time. It wasn't to show or reveal us persae. It was a good time, and I wanted to share with all, that's it. Didn't even think about revealing information.

We are both still talking to one another and happy. She did ask me to come get some of my stuff at my house and asked when I was to move my car and change mail addresses. When I went by that Thursday night, I was all cleaned up and had new clothes on. I had every intent to just stop by, get my stuff and leave as soon as I could. When I arrived, she immediately noticed I looked nice and cleaned up and complimented me twice on that. I told her "I am here to get my items and I will leave as soon as I can.." She replied "there is no rush at all, take your time". I kept saying I was going to hurry and she replied again that she has plenty of time. So, I took advantage of the situation to ask her if there was anything she wanted to talk about and she asked me questions. She was able to get honest answers from me about what had happened and she thanked me for that. I asked her about getting the rest of my stuff out of the house and she said "take your time". I asked about moving my car and she said "it'll be OK for now". I asked about getting a new mail address and she said "I don't mind getting your mail for you.." She also mentioned to me that I have changed and she can tell.

As far as the sex goes in our relationship, the quality was NEVER a problem and she never complained about it nor did I. The quantity was the issue and I was too stubborn to take charge of it. I mentioned a few times in our relationship I needed more of it. When she said she was dating the new guy, she said the first few days they were having sex in the house and that "apparently I do like having sex and you said I didn't". I guess she was throwing that into my face to hurt me, not sure.

Honestly, I know there is another guy involved and nothing I can do about it. When she told me reluctantly Thursday that she was going out of town with him for her birthday, I just said "Have fun and I hope it is everything you need it to be" and left it at that.

I am reading all the comments above, but guess I am just confused is all. We are still on good terms.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

She deserves to be happy. You dont have any kids so leave her alone.


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## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

You hurt your wife deeply with your affair. It's like mental poison that you have injected into her. Many betrayed spouses take years to get over something like that; with some never fully get over it. If you are truly remorseful, let her know. Humble yourself and ask for her forgiveness. Let her know why you signed the divorce. Offer to help her heal. I know what I would say to her if I were in your shoes, but I don't think that would help, because that has to come from the heart. Don't say it if you don't mean it. You also need to make yourself more attractive to her. Slim down and get ripped while you are single. If you can't truly see yourself being with someone else, then be alone and wait for her. Tell her that, but also let her know that if she is happy with the boyfriend, that you wish nothing but happiness for her as she deserves it. Regardless if she comes back to you or not, you need to help her heal from the destruction you caused. Get some help books and read them. Fast. The members here will have a few recommendations for you.


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