# Need Advice on wife of 18 years



## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

Hello Everyone

My wife and I have been happily married fore 18 years and I have never suspected her of ever cheating on me until yesterday. We normally get home about the same time from work. Yesterday I had to stay late on which she had already known. She calls me at work and says she is leaving a few minutes early and was invited by one of her coworkers to their home to share a bottle of wine. I said ok and drive carefully she added strangely at the end of the convo call me when you're on your way home, still I thought nothing of the comment. I called her after getting off work and she said she was still driving to the coworkers home, oddly it didn't sound like she was inside of a car, was really quiet in the backgraound. I got home 40 minutes later and went into our bedroom and noticed a wet washed cloth where she wiped off in the private area(don't ask how I know this) and her underwear were in the hamper. 45 minutes later she return I noticed she had changed into shorts from her pants from work as well. Later I also saw when it was time for bed she had her lace underwear on. In addition to, the coworker lives a half hour away from us yet she was gone an approximately 1 1/2 hour. Must have drank the wine really fast if she really went there. I've been up all night really upset. I checked her cell phone call log online and saw she had talked to a mutual male friend of ours the day before while on her way to work at 7:15am for about twenty minutes. We haven't spoken to him in a long time and she has yet to tell me they talked on the phone. My wife cell is password protected so there is no way of me snooping on the phone to check text messages. 

Afraid to really confront about my suspicion unless I have solid proof and my wife can be a real firestrom if accused of anything. Don't know what to do, any advice.

P.S. This is my very first post.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

semen test for the underware sorry man.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Sorry Noah, it sounds suspicious. VAR in the car might get you some information. I wouldnt mention it until I had proof, although it looks obvious!


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Sorry you're here. But I believe you need more evidence.

Put a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) under the seat in her car.

Put a keylogger on her computer.

Keep checking those phone records. Maybe you can go on-line and get it real time. 

After a week, if you haven't found enough evidence without her phone, ask her for it and tell her why. If she refuses, you've pretty much got your answer. Start the "180" (find the link) if she won't comply.

If you do find evidence, check back with this board. There are a lot of people here who have been through this and you will get excellent advice.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

Thanks tom and letdown, I really hope I'm wrong on my suspicion and I really don't want to believe it. I will look into VAR, not familiar with the term.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

Thanks badmemory


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

VAR (voice activated recorder) planted under her car seat...don't forget the velcrow tap... will at least give you the one side conversation she is having.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have you attempted to hack into the phone by trying different passwords she allready has?

Check bank statements also it may give you an idea were she has been going with regards to gas station ATM usage.

Stay calm and quitely get the evidence (good or bad) that will validate the next step you need to take in your marriage.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

can you get cell phone info online like thru sprint or verizon ??? 

and I agree gather evidence before confronting


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

@ the guy, she keeps her phone by her side like it's a part of her body.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

She has Sprint, and Sprint does not allow detailed text message info, only call logs


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

The reason to use the VAR is in her car is that is the most likely place she would feel safe to talk on her cell. If you do confront her about seeing her phone, make sure she hands it to you immediately. If you get to look at her texts and don't find anything otherwise, see if she has deleted any that you found on line. If she has, you have yet another clue. Ask her to explain.

Another reason for the VAR is, she may switch to a burner phone after you confront her. She would likely use that in her car also.


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## universe23 (Oct 31, 2012)

Keeping their cell phone at their sides at all times can be a definite sign of cheating. I bet she is keeping it turned over as well.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I was able to slide my wifes cell phone from under neith her pillow (while she was passed out) by pulling on the charger cord. Once I say the charging light flashing thru the pillow case I had my chance and it paid off, the password was the name of her car.

My point is with patients it will happen.

It sucks my man but you just have to be vigilent and make a plan and work the plan.

make no mistake you want to have the most effective confrontation as possible, and its tough when time after time you come up with crap that can be explained away. 

Be patiant they always screw up.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Call logs are good, if you can convert them to Excel you can coilate the numbers deleting the legit numbers and focus on the unknown numbers, even dates and times can be coilated to establish a pattern of behavior.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Try to take a half day sometime and follow her from work.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you have the dough take what info you do have and hire a PI .......that is money well spent.

I was a week in, I almost went down the PI route, but that cell phone/pillow thing happened and it was undeniable what I had on that phone.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

universe23, wow how did you know? I will definitely try the VAR


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Noah2150 said:


> universe23, wow how did you know? I will definitely try the VAR


ask to use her cell tell her your isn't charged see how she reacts


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## FryFish (Sep 18, 2012)

Dont ask yet... she will start cleaning out her message box.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

FryFish said:


> Dont ask yet... she will start cleaning out her message box.


:iagree:

Pretent all is good let her relax..thats when she drops her guard and mistakes happen.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Pretent all is good let her relax..thats when she drops her guard and mistakes happen.


If she says she's leaving early again,you leave work immediately if possible and observe outside your house. That could be an eye opener!


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

kinda weird talking to all of you has made me feel better, Thanks Everyone


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your welcome,

Just remember this site will give the support and perspective, so before you confront let us help on a most effective confrontation.

There is a universal script to this crap and we can tell you what she will say before she says it. 

We all have learned from our own mistakes in what worked and what didn't.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You also might look into installing a GPS in her car. Does she have a Garmin or something? I heard that you can set some of those up to tell you where the car is.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

Will do, signing off for now thanks again


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Another option is get a smart phone install spyware on it, then turn the ringer off and plant it in her car. you can then listen to it at will and check its location.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I would get a VAR immediately, and get it in her car. Or if she's home alone a lot, get a couple of them to place around the house where she has phone conversations. This is the cheapest, most definitive way to get proof. GPS trackers cost money, and you have to find one. Smart phones cost money, and you have to then install spyware, charge it, etc. With a VAR, you just place it in a hidden spot, retrieve, and listen. You could have answers in very short order.

Make sure any "alarms" are set to "off" on the VAR. In fact, if you're even slightly handy with tools, the BEST way to run a VAR is to open it up, and cut the speaker wires. This way you never have to worry about it getting accidentally bumped to "play", or worry about any audible alarms. If someone finds it, they may just assume it is not operating. You can still listen to it via headphones. 

Patience is the key. You don't want to tip your had, for two reasons. One, if you do so before you have proof, it will make it 10 times harder to get the proof you need. She'll take it underground.

Two, if you're wrong, giving it some time should prove that as well.

If her phone does not record log in attempts, toss a few password attempts at it any time she leaves it laying around. 

Do not "eye" her phone like it is candy. Ignore it. If she catches you paying attention to it, she's going to get flaky.

What kind of phone does she have? If it has a sim card, you may be able to buy a sim card reader and download all her texts. Even recently deleted ones if they have not been overwritten with newer texts.

Has she always locked her phone, or is this a new development?

Has she always had it on her 24/7, or is this new?

Let us know the kind of phone. There may be some tricks to get you in it or get info off of it.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

So what has your relationship with your wife been like lately? Sex Life, Fights etc! Basically what got you to this point?


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

I brought up our mutual friend today in casual conversation and she said she hasn't talked to him in weeks. Of course she doesn't know I know she talked to him two days ago. I just purchased a VAR from Best Buy. Now I have to figure out how to use it. Donny64 thanks for mentioning the alarms. ShootMEPLZ. I thought we had a great relationship until yesterday.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

Sim card reader is another good idea, but I still don't know how I would get her phone away from her. Maybe when she takes a shower assuming I can do it rather quickly.


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## Noah2150 (Nov 8, 2012)

She has Galaxy S II


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

By a nice bottle of wine and have a date night, get her buzzed and when she passes out have your way with her phone.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Did she tell you who - specifically - was at the "wine tasting"?

If not find out.
"Oh, did you send a thank-you note to xxx for the wine tasting? Who was there by way? Anyone I know? We should pay them back by inviting them for a weekend BBQ some time."

Find out who was there. If it's 'real people' - people you know, you'll have another avenue of fining out what happened. but act carefully because they could be facilitating her. 

If she mentions random people, check HR to see if they actually work there. Call the front office and ask to speak to anyone of them. Hang up before they answer the phone. 

My guess is that they don't exist.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

The password on the phone is a major red flag! Why is her phone password protected?
Has it always been this way?
Sorry you are here but the evidence so far points to her having an A with the mutual friend. You need to gather more evidence before approaching her because she will deny deny deny!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Semen test the panties she wore. Cheaters never use protection.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Why is her phone password protected?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The same reason she lied about the last time her and OM contacted each other....they are having an affair!

BTW don't tip your hand again, right now she is texting OM and telling him the question you just asked.

Dude she is cheating she is in pariniod mood and what you said was not inconspicous to her when your having an affair. You just raised her alarm and will be a little more careful.....Get it?

Don't do it again your wifes head is all about cover up and protection. Nothing is inconspicious when the OM is mentioned.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Noah2150 said:


> She has Galaxy S II


I don't believe the Galaxy logs "log in attempts". My W has the SIII, but it is no longer password protected since she became frustrated with the touchpad and hitting the wrong password. 

Maybe someone with a S-2 can comment? But if it doesn't log attempts, you can try various passwords you think she may use.

Also, as I recall on the galaxy, when she is logging in, it will display the last letter typed on the screen. If you can get in position to see her type in a password, it is obvious what it is without having to try to watch keystrokes. 

If you can get in, and interesting item on the Galaxy series is this...she can delete texts, but the first line of the text will still show up in the call log. Go to the phone application, then logs. It will show the contact name and if it was an incoming, outgoing call, text, or email as I recall. If you go to the contact, hit menu, then history, you can see the first line of text to that contact, even if it has been deleted. 

Sorry, not much help, but it's something. I still think your best bet at the moment is VAR. Low stress for you, and in short order you should have one side at least of some very damaging conversations if she is in fact cheating.


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