# New here, newly (but not officially?) separated



## WantingToFly (Apr 19, 2014)

I guess you could say my husband and I are unofficially separated. I have rented an apartment and have put a few new things in it but won't be moving in more things until next week. My husband knows, but I'm choosing to keep everything from my 8.5 year-old son because he has some major state testing next week and I don't want to distract him from that. In fact, I wish I could wait until summer, but I just can't do this anymore. My heart is broken at this point.

Long story short, we've been going to counseling off and on since September. He goes, but doesn't really _hear_ what is being said. I go weekly, with or without him. I have been treated for depression and know and acknowledge my issues....I am willing to admit my mistakes and where I go wrong. I would move heaven and Earth to fix this marriage for our sake and our son's sake. Him though? As he flat-out stated last week, "I'm not going to change." He has been saying he would do XYZ when the counselor is present, but as I worried all along, nothing is long-term. The worst part? According to him, it's all my fault. All of it. I'm irrational, I'm psycho...he does not admit any fault at all.

I have been fighting relentlessly to keep our family together. He originally wanted a separation last October and I refused. We agreed to work on it and things have been up and down since. I have, in desperation, decided that his original idea is my last resort to saving our marriage. My lease is for 5 months (not because I think it will be fixed in that time, but it was the most affordable deal). I'm certainly prepared to extend it. I'm not naive enough to believe that I'll be welcomed back with open arms. I would love for him to wake up and see that he misses not only our son, but me as well. I would love for him to see that he does have faults because it takes two to tangle, so to speak. I do have my problems, but he's not as perfect as he likes to pretend.

I know my user name sort of sounds like I want to fly free....birds as a symbol mean a lot to me in general. I do want to fly....I want to fly free, rather than feel caged in this deep depression and sadness. But I want to take flight with my son and husband by my side as a family. I want to soar happily in the future rather than nurse these broken wings and heart.

Thank you for reading.


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## miche4 (Mar 17, 2014)

I am so sorry that you are here. 

Having a child involved is difficult but it sounds like you have tried everything you can to make this work... if he refuses to acknowledge his part then it is an unfair situation. 

Moving out and distancing yourself from the situation may help all parties involved.

Definitely keep seeing your counselor- there are days when I have to drag myself out of bed to see mine and some days counseling makes me even more depressed but it at least shows that I am trying 

Make your son and yourself a priority. He will always be your son


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## WantingToFly (Apr 19, 2014)

Thank you for the reply. I'm feeling a bit invisible as a newbie. LOL

I am hoping the distance and space will help and not hurt. I can see both sides. The space could help give us the ability to keep the tension down and have time to think things over rationally. Maybe it will give him time to review his actions. (Yes, I will have time to review mine, which I have been doing CONSTANTLY already.) 

At the same time, what if he is happier without me? I can't think of single reason he'd be happier without our son, but without me? Yeah, I can think of a million reasons he'd be fine without me. And there'd be no reason why he wouldn't be granted joint custody if we divorced. He's a great dad.

I know that's not thinking positively, but I have to be realistic too.

Either way, I was supposed to see my counselor today but she had to cancel today due to some major health issues. I did text with her to let her know the new developments. She said I could text or email anytime for support.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I'm sorry you are here and in this situation. It sounds like you have some good perspective, though. Being realistic is not always a bad thing. It can help you cope with the harder things that may come up. 

Sounds like you have a great and supportive therapist, too. That is a wonderful thing!


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