# So upset with my relationship and my alcoholic partner ;-(



## Annie2424 (May 20, 2013)

Hi everyone, this is my first post and I so need some advice by people who are not involved in my everyday life.

I will try keep this as simple as possible...... 

I'm 29 and my partner is 30, we have been together nearly 12 years and have two children aged 5 and 6. My OH has always been a drinker, and a smoker. Recently his grandpa died in February and his grandma about 5 years, they were very very close and it has hit him terribly especially when his grandma died (this is when the issues with alcohol stepped up a level) drinking to forget, numb the pain etc. we were starting to get back on track and now his grandpa sadly passed away in February... Which again has now made the drinking even worse. 

Because his grandpa died his house was left to my Mother in law who is in the process of moving into the house, this is sad for my OH as the house his mum is moving out of was the house he was brought up in, (a beautiful cottage in the countryside).

He has been to one assessment for alcohol misuse and he was deemed to be mild to medium dependency. This was in April and I have been old he is on a waiting list for bereavement counselling which hopefully will get an appointment in the next two weeks.

Since April when he had his assessment he has done well and made an effort to cut down his drinking as I felt it was starting to effect are family life (in reality and in truthfulness it had been effecting our family life for a long time) and I just wasn't willing to put up with it anymore.

Anyway to cut a long story short...... Yesterday we went out for a family meal with my mum, dad, brothers, sisters, boyfriends etc. my OH said straightaway he didn't want to go because he didn't like the pub we were going to. I don't know why because its nice??
Anyway my mum was an hour late so in that time everyone was having a drink and a talk like you do, and my OH was knocking them back, I kept telling him he'd had enough but he wouldn't
Listen. In the end he was drunk, when it was time to go home, instead of going back home we ended up going to see his mum who moves out of her house this Thursday... He got really emotional at the thought of never being able to go back to his childhood house - I left at that point because I did not want my children to see him like that.

I went home, sorted our kids out ready for bed and left them with a babysitter whilst I went back to collect my OH. He was so emotional and crying, obviously everything is so raw for him and I have tried my best to support him. He ended up asleep naked in the bath last night?

When he woke up he started a blazing argument with me, saying it was all my fault, that he didn't want to go to the pub in the first place. And that it was my mums fault for being late so that's why he drunk. He said I was encouraging his drinking by taking him to a pub and buying his drinks. But he never told me he was worried that he wouldn't be able to stop etc.

So now I'm sat here in tears poaring my heart out. Because I don't know what to do?? He sees it as its everybody else's fault but his. I feel so drained by it all... I'm due to qualify as a nurse in 4 months and I am thinking of leaving him when I get a permanent job. I have threatened to leave him onto many occasions (this is also one of the reasons he went for an alcohol assessment). Problems we have a mortgage and children and I just feel so trapped by it all...... I hope someone has some advice. X x x x


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

He is an addict trying very hard not to have responsibility for the actions he takes while drinking.
How long do you want to live this way?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My husband's father was an alcoholic, and I think his example is one of the reasons my H is such a terrible husband. 

I think you should start attending AlAnon meetings and getting ready to leave when you start a full-time job. I'd tell him your plans, in case that's enough to jolt him into treatment. I understand wanting to stay together for the kids, but this is one of those cases where I think separation, and divorce if necessary, is healthier for everyone.


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## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but please, what is an "OH"?


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