# she fell out of love-I'm scared



## life-lesson (May 31, 2010)

Ok, this is the first time I have ever put my life out to others for help. And help is what I need. My wife and I have been married for over 24 years. We have had our ups and downs through out the years. But I thought that they were mostly ups. To set the stage a little. A few weeks ago my wife asked me if I would mind if she went to a concert with her boss/ friend. I know him, drank with him, gone to casino's with him and I am not threatened at all by him. He is not her secret lover or any of that. In fact he always makes sure I am ok if the two of them go do stuff. I said I would mind because I like live music and if she were to see this group, I would like it to be me to go. Then a few weeks later a new co-worker of hers(female) had access to the very same concert. My wife gave me less than a days notice to say how I felt. then it came out that they were vip tickets and she only had three. My wife, new cw and the boss. now for some reason I became jealous because once again I get to stay home while she plays.
I work in the early mornings. so I have to go to sleep early. she came home just before I had to get up. she was drunk and told me that there was a party afterward. I again became up set. 
When we first got married she was a beautiful girl. Not thin but looked good. After 3 kids she gained a lot of weight. I still thought she was beautiful but she didn't. So she had gastric by pass surgery. She lost about 120 pounds. she looks great again. But she still had self image problems. she left her job to pursue a sales job. She's great at it. but after she lost the weight she started to go out with the girls. Strip club, dancing and drinking. I tried to be supportive but the jealousy bug popped out for the first time. that was 6 years ago. thought I over came that.
Then the concert thing. since I made such a big deal about it, she tells me that she has fallen out of love and wants to separate. I talked her out of leaving but I am an emotion wreck. I don't know how to fix this. I know not to buy her anything or hover over her. We haven't talked about counseling yet. but that will be brought up.
I can't get my work done without crying like a baby or just thinking about her. She has been my life. I took care of her though the depression/ bipolar problems, the surgery, the self doubt, the jobs and you name it I supported her. Yes I love her but where do I go from here. do I let her go?


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## Scott G. (Jun 1, 2010)

Hey life-lesson,

Sorry to hear you're going through this. 24 years is quite a long time to be together and suddenly decide to leave, if times were mostly good as you say. 

It sounds as if its either a problem that's been festering the whole time that she's grown sick of, or possibly a mid-life crisis. From what you describe it seems a bit of both. 

And the problems appear to be issues with her self-image and your jealously. She may be seeking attention at these parties and clubs, that she may not be getting from you. You say that you always thought she was beautiful, but did you always express that to her during quality time, or did you sort of expect her to know? And is your jealousy valid, or have you burdened her with unfounded comments and brooding?

Also, since she's gotten the surgery, has it seemed like you and your wife have grown in two different directions in life?

These are some of the questions you should ask yourself to get to the root of the issues, so you understand the right actions to take.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Sounds like she dropped some weight and feels good about herself and wants to live the fast life now. Unfortunately all you can do is try to reason with her and if she still feels different let her go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life-lesson (May 31, 2010)

Up date. We seem to be working things out. It's a very slow process. Still a little scary but I feel more confident that she wants this work. She says she is still confused but that's ok.
I was able to talk to someone that I have known for years. She just listened and gave me some advice.


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