# Ugly separation but a death in the family



## Emma248 (Apr 25, 2010)

My husband and I have been separated for 7 months, and things are not civil between us. We have gone back and forth between the 'I love you; I hate you; I want a marriage; I never want to see you again' so many times. I have gone through a good deal of personal counseling, which has helped me get over most of my anger and resentment. (He had an affair.)

However, my husband has not. He is in the stage where he 'hates me,' and never wants to see me again. He actually filed for the divorce a few days ago, to get things going quickly. 

Sadly, my husband's father passed away last night. My husband sent me a message this morning telling me 'he was fine; he just wanted to let me know before I heard it from someone else.' While I may see no hope in our marriage, I do love my husband, and he knows this. I have tried calling once, left a voice message, and sent some messages letting him know I want to help and/or be there, and to please let me know what I can do for him. I haven't heard anything.

My question now, is what to do. I know he must be in pain, but he also hates being around me. Should I go try to help him or be there for him? Or is it better to simply let it go as if we are already divorced? My instinct is to go and take care of him, but in reality this may not be the smartest idea.


----------



## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

I think you should leave it up to him now, you have tried to contact him and be a friend. If he doesn't want to talk to you, leave him alone. The more you chase him, the worse it will get. At the moment, it isn't your job to take care of him. Let him come to you if he needs to. imo.


----------

