# The bandaid on my heart



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

D was final in May, been hoping for a long time that ExH would wake up and see the error of his ways, and I guess I always will. However, now, when I am dating, I keep feeling like I can hold it together with the bandaid in place. But is is fair to the other person? He knows a bit about my history and pain, but it feels unfair. I want to know, is it ok to let the man I am dating be part of the "bandaging"? I feel like my heart is in pieces, being held together, but not in good shape right now. When I am with the man I am dating, I can ignore it a bit, just enjoy the company. I just want to be fair


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Just enjoy not sitting at home. Sometimes just going through the motions helps.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such pain.

To be fair to the man you are dating I would be honest with him and tell him that you are not whole yet after your divorce, you like his company and want to see him but you cannot give him more than what you are at the moment.

Maybe he is your rebound relationship, if he is then be careful not to hurt him.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Honesty is the best policy.

If you are still hurting though then I would say it's best not to date anyone. You are not ready to give your all to someone because of the fact emotionally you are not healed or ready.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

have to be honest, if I was still feeling like that I wouldn't be going out with anyone. It's not fair on them unless you are brutally honest about it and then what's the likelihood of it continuing

you need to heal and get to a point where you don't want your ex back, then you can truly move forward with someone else


----------



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

This is a tough one! I did it! Not proud of the fact but I dated two different women (not at the same time) after my divorce and in my head I kept repeating that I was fine.....Anyway, I was far from it. I still feel bad for those ladies. Not that I was anything but honest but they didn't need to go through that. 

Decided to take about 6 months off of dating since the last one. I feel really good now but am still a bit scared to go into anything significant because I'm afraid I won't be ready.


----------



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

good advice, I have been totally honest with him and he really thinks it is a good thing for us to hang out with each other right now. He has been through it and says he understands the need for company. We have only been on a few dates, and when we are together, it is nice. But then...I question everything, is this fair to him, do I even want to start something when I am not sure I am ready. I didn't go looking for this, he found me. Anyway, I will proceed with caution, knowing what I do about how my heart is still in pieces. Maybe if I get the bandaid on there long enough, it will stick


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just make sure he doesn't want more. You said it yourself, you're not ready.


----------



## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

stillhoping said:


> good advice, I have been totally honest with him and he really thinks it is a good thing for us to hang out with each other right now. He has been through it and says he understands the need for company. We have only been on a few dates, and when we are together, it is nice. But then...I question everything, is this fair to him, do I even want to start something when I am not sure I am ready. I didn't go looking for this, he found me. Anyway, I will proceed with caution, knowing what I do about how my heart is still in pieces. Maybe if I get the bandaid on there long enough, it will stick


Sounds to me that if he says those things, he can take whatever you are going through. let him decide what is too much or not enough. He's a grown-up. Be honest, ask him to do the same. If you can keep it that way between you, don't worry about it. Enjoy the company.


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

You shouldn't be dating if your heart is not in it. Not fair to the other person.


----------



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

OK guys, which is it? I am truthful with the guy he says he enjoys my company. I say it is a risk, he says "what isn't". I know that no matter where my heart is right now, there is no going back, ex-H has made that brutally clear. I certainly don't want to be the cause of anyone else's heartache. I was away for almost a week and we did quite a bit of texting and keeping in touch, it was nice. I am looking forward to seeing him when I get home, but not the kind that wants him to pick me up at the airport. He offered, I said no. Sometimes it feels like a Jerry Seinfeld thing, I wish I had all the rules they know about dating. Anyway, I will be cautious and continue to encourage him to do the same. Definitely want to go easy before the holidays, I am not doing any family things with him and won't invite him to mine. Too much, too soon for sure


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Only you can decide what you want, dear. 

My advice is to be brutally honest with him w/ how you feel and where your head is at. Don't string him along.


----------



## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

stillhoping said:


> OK guys, which is it? I am truthful with the guy he says he enjoys my company. I say it is a risk, he says "what isn't". I know that no matter where my heart is right now, there is no going back, ex-H has made that brutally clear. I certainly don't want to be the cause of anyone else's heartache. I was away for almost a week and we did quite a bit of texting and keeping in touch, it was nice. I am looking forward to seeing him when I get home, but not the kind that wants him to pick me up at the airport. He offered, I said no. Sometimes it feels like a Jerry Seinfeld thing, I wish I had all the rules they know about dating. Anyway, I will be cautious and continue to encourage him to do the same. Definitely want to go easy before the holidays, I am not doing any family things with him and won't invite him to mine. Too much, too soon for sure


He said that? I like him. 
Don't worry about it. 
You set boundaries. Tell him what you do or don't like. If he is still there, you should be happy. Now..get on with it. Go ahead, and be happy with somone that, "...enjoys your company.." 

There are FAR too many lonely people out there, hell just ask around here...there are many on TAM that would want your understanding friend....especially before the holidays!!!


----------

