# Should I invite him to our child's B-day?



## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

My soon to be Ex husband and I are estranged. He is not the person I married anymore and is not someone I want to be around anymore. 

We have four children together and my daughter's birthday is coming up next month. As this is all new to me...I am confused about whether I should invite him to her party or not. Her birthday falls on my time with the kids and while I do not like the person my husband has become, we both agree that the kids come first and can be civil to each other and, if not friends, then friendly when they are with us both.

I know this would be awkward for him (my family really doesn't like his treatment of me...but they are civil as well) and he will want to do something for her with his family but if I don't invite him and then he invites me to his, I will feel like a heel. Planning a joint party together with both of our families there would be even more uncomfortable....


????


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

There are a couple ways to handle things like birthdays. You can invite him but ask him just to make it a brief appearance for the kids sake, he should understand the discomfort and probably feels the same way. You both can plan separate parties, the kids adapt to that pretty well. Or you can have a party at a neutral place like a town hall and invite both families.

My marriage fell apart right before my daughters high school graduation. I planed a typical graduation party and held it here at home, I invited all the soon to be ex in laws and the soon to be ex wife. It was awkward but we got through it and in the end it did a lot to maintain a good relationship with the soon to be exes. Like it our not when you have kids the exes stay a part of your life forever. I did impose one rule on my estranged though, she wasn't allowed to bring her boyfriend!


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