# Torn whether to reconcile..?



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Been married for 16 years. WH had 2 marital affairs. I kicked him out May 8,2011 and filed for divorce in December. 

I had a hell of a year coping with grief, anger, denial, bitterness, forgiveness and acceptance. All while re-negotiating my mortgage with a loan modification, re-budgeting all bills, maintaining a 4 bedroom house, raising my 12 yr old daughter, working as a highly stressful App DEV Manager, Girl Scout Leader, Swim Team mom... *AND* missing my husband every single night.

He started going to therapy a few months ago to figure out why he fuc'ed up his life so badly. We started talking and emailing. I am still very angry and yell at him.

On Tuesday, got a call from his counselor saying that he was at the office and that he has severed all ties with his tramp and wanted to try and work on us. I know he never stopped loving me. I said I was very torn and needed ABSOLUTE proof that affair is over before I would even considering showing up for the first session. She said he would give me absolute proof. 

I emailed him later that day and sent him my terms.... (*ironically*... the same terms I sent in June 2011). He got a bit pissy about the email and told me that he did not demands.

I am torn whether I should take the leap and begin to talk and open my heart.... I know in my heart that I still love him, but I am so scared of getting hurt again, having this happen again and trusting him again. 

Anyone have the same happening or any advice?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

"He got a bit pissy about the email and told me that he did not demands."

Not sure what you meant here but it sure doesn't sound like he is serious. Bad attitude makes for a lousy out look. He needs more counseling time............like forever?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

if he was serious, it wouldnt be considered a demand, it would be something HE would gladly offer up. hes not ready and possibly not done.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

" I emailed him later that day and sent him my terms.... (ironically... the same terms I sent in June 2011). He got a bit pissy about the email and told me that he did not demands."

A few words to describe your husband :-

Look at poor me
Lack of remorse
Wants to rug sweep and won't answer probing question or give you further details of his affair
His OW and him are falling apart, thinks he can pretend counciling has helped him see the light

He is a taker, wants you begging and asking for him back.

Stick to your guns , he comes back truely remorseful prepared to move mountains for you, after all he was more than prepared to move to the land of happiness with the OW and leave you and your family by the wayside.

Time he acted like a real man, the days where he was trusted are gone.

"I said I was very torn and needed ABSOLUTE proof that affair is over before I would even considering showing up for the first session. She said he would give me absolute proof. " 

I guess his councelor was wrong, in his next session it will be 'woe me' time him saying your not prepared to reconcile. 

Be brave.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

"I am torn whether I should take the leap and begin to talk and open my heart.... I know in my heart that I still love him, but I am so scared of getting hurt again, having this happen again and trusting him again. " 

He is counting on this and will use it against you.

"Torn whether to reconcile..?" I say No ; what is he going to do to earn this right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

FrustratedFL said:


> WH had 2 marital affairs.
> 
> I know he never stopped loving me.
> 
> I emailed him later that day and sent him my terms.... (*ironically*... the same terms I sent in June 2011). He got a bit pissy about the email and told me that he did not demands.


:scratchhead:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's not ready to R if he got pissy at your email. He just wanted to use his backup plan when his tramp dumped him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I would be sure his counselor knows precisely what happened from your side of things. He doesn't need the counselor babying him into thinking that "he tried"....because clearly, he hasn't.


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## ParachuteOn (Apr 20, 2012)

No. I reconciled 3 months ago and he is now being pissy. Your H is being pissy BEFORE you reconcile? No way. You will be here posting about you failed R sooner than I did.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your replies.... I appeciate your insight. 

I am a pretty strong, independent thinking woman, however, when you are betrayed by the person who is suppose to love you and vowed to be by your side forever, it is pretty hard to accept and move on without second guessing.!!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

FrustratedFL said:


> Thanks everyone for your replies.... I appeciate your insight.
> 
> I am a pretty strong, independent thinking woman, however, when you are betrayed by the person who is suppose to love you and vowed to be by your side forever, it is pretty hard to accept and move on without second guessing.!!


it is, especially with red flags still being thrown up.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Frustrated, sorry you're going through this. I'm in a similar place as you. I'm nearly at 2 years post D-day. I'm still with my CW, but still undecided. To her credit, her behaviour is perfect now. She couldn't do any better.

But I don't forgive her & never will. All I can say is if you decide to reconcile, have strict rules about what you will accept. It does sound as though he's going through the motions of "being seen to do enough" to get back in the house.

I can't tell you what to do, because I'm still with my CW and very unhappy. Just be very careful if you go down the R road.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

UPDATE -

Today, I thought more about the conversation WH had with counselor and the pissy email response... 

My new motto with WH is "Trust" but verify everything he says... 

Today, I drove by tramps house and WH truck was parked in driveway.... That was all I had to see.

I was so pissed and angry... I sat there and wondered what the f*ck I ever did to this man for him to have show such llittle respect for me. No Clue... Honestly?

I took a picture of truck and texted him the picture and said.... SEE YOU IN COURT A$$HOLE! 

Of course, no reply now that he got caught. also will be calling his counselor tomorrow to fill her in on the current events...

WTF???


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

FrustratedFL said:


> I took a picture of truck and texted him the picture and said.... SEE YOU IN COURT A$$HOLE!
> 
> Of course, no reply now that he got caught. also will be calling his counselor tomorrow to fill her in on the current events...
> 
> WTF???


good for you

what a pr!ck.

sorry for you, but at least you know the truth for sure now


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Sorry for you frustrated. You open your heart and he immediately stabs you again. At least he's made your decision easy. It will all be better in the end I'm sure.


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