# Taking The Step, Need Help



## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

Hi everyone. Stay at home dad of nine years here. Three weeks since Dday. I filed for temp custody and was granted an expedited mediation on the 27th. I haven't got a lawyer yet because I'm afraid of either getting one who is ineffective or over priced. I need to call today to some who have been recommended to me and see what their fees are like. I have up to 10,000 I can spend but I only want to spend about 5,000. I just want physical custody of the kids. My WW is military so for me, moving back to my home town where I have a giant support network makes most sense....though it takes the kids away from immediate access to their mother. I'm still in limbo since I haven't taked with an attorney yet. Can you guys help a guy who is just starting this? I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit and I'm sacred poopless.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Breathe

Relax

Find a good Lawyer and pay him.

You may need a temporary order of support.

These things usually get ugly before they get better.

Good Luck!


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## tiamaria02 (Jun 18, 2013)

I agree with Gut.

First, take deep breaths then find a lawyer that can help put everything in order for you. After that, take it day by day. Do what's best for you and your kids.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

They're long, but when you get a chance, read through my thread, GutPunch's, ReGroup's, Bullwinkle's, Zillard's, soca70's, Ceegee's... Did I forget anybody?

There's quite a few Dad's here fighting for their kids.

In the meantime, find a good lawyer... one who will do the homework, be well-prepared, and will communicate well with you.

Look into that Temporary Support, as well.


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

Just officially took the step. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. I have met with a military JAG and filed for temp custody already but this will be MY lawyer. Is it normal to feel scared out of my mind while also better at the same time?


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

Custody case first. 1,000 uncontested and 2,500 contested. To get a divorce with kids in VA you have to be separated for a year. Holy space ballz.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Harden1313 said:


> Is it normal to feel scared out of my mind while also better at the same time?


Absolutely... Perfectly normal.



Harden1313 said:


> Custody case first. 1,000 uncontested and 2,500 contested. To get a divorce with kids in VA you have to be separated for a year. Holy space ballz.


Yep. That's not unusual.

That's why you need the temporary orders for custody and support now. It'll help set precedent... All things being being equal, most judges like to preserve the status quo, as it provides stability for the kids.

That brings up another point, though... Go do your homework and your research. Find out how the divorce laws work in your state and how the courts handle the divorce process in your county. Know what to expect at each steps, and know what all your options are.

As G.I. Joe taught us, "...and knowing is half the battle."


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

I have a temp custody hearing with mediation for the 27th next week and who knows after that. She is in a dorm room on base but I don't know how long she can stay there. I don't know if I should get a job here while I fight this out or what. She may have to find a place to live and if so I would probably have to move out of our house since we can't afford both. Ugh. So many questions and problems. As for the laws in VA I have been told we have to be separated a year before we can file for divorce. I may be able to shorten that period by presenting the confession of the affair, the texts of the affair, her suicide attempt and her mental health history. Dunno.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Harden1313 said:


> I have a temp custody hearing with mediation for the 27th next week and who knows after that. She is in a dorm room on base but I don't know how long she can stay there. I don't know if I should get a job here while I fight this out or what. She may have to find a place to live and if so I would probably have to move out of our house since we can't afford both. Ugh. So many questions and problems. As for the laws in VA I have been told we have to be separated a year before we can file for divorce. I may be able to shorten that period by presenting the confession of the affair, the texts of the affair, her suicide attempt and her mental health history. Dunno.


1 year waiting period for no-fault, but good evidence of the affair or a confession and the mental health issues will get the ball rolling quicker, if that is how you want to go.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

my only advice is to eat and get sleep, and exercise. take care of yourself so you can take care of the kiddos, good luck.


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

I have been dragging arse since Dday. Hard to move, hard to get motivated to clean/cook and the like, hard to eat, hard to do just about anything honestly. My whole life is changing. It is a lot to get a grip on.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Harden1313 said:


> I have been dragging arse since Dday. Hard to move, hard to get motivated to clean/cook and the like, hard to eat, hard to do just about anything honestly. My whole life is changing. It is a lot to get a grip on.


Totally understandable. Hang in there. It gets better...but may be a while.


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

Started my own checking account today....got court summons for the custody hearing and met with lawyer. Don't have any idea about anything yet. Just have to wait and see what the custody mediation brings next Thursday.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Is she going to contest your temp. custody? She'd be a fool to in her circumstance but she wouldn't be the first one to try. FYI, I almost threw up in my lawyer's office when I filed. It gets better.


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

The lawyer did not impress me. I think I just wasted 200 bucks. he didn't seem invested, didn't seem to care, didn't ask enough questions, didn't tell me the plan of attack, didn't address the temp status of this hearing an explain anything to me...just nothing really. Simply said...well, I'll see ya Thursday! 2,500 for a temp custody hearing? And up front? Seems redonkulous.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Harden1313 said:


> The lawyer did not impress me. I think I just wasted 200 bucks. he didn't seem invested, didn't seem to care, didn't ask enough questions, didn't tell me the plan of attack, didn't address the temp status of this hearing an explain anything to me...just nothing really. Simply said...well, I'll see ya Thursday! 2,500 for a temp custody hearing? And up front? Seems redonkulous.


Understand that the $2,500 is a retainer fee... They ask for the payment upfront. They set it aside in an escrow of sorts, and charge hours and fees to it. When the case is over, anything left over comes back to you. If it runs out, they'll ask you to refill fill it with a new deposit of a few hundred or a thousand or so dollars.

Also... Any lawyer worth his bar exam will give you a free half hour consultation on his case. That gives you a chance to talk to a few and shop around for a lawyer that suits your style.

Also, also... You can "fire" a lawyer at any time. You have no obligation to stick with a bad lawyer. You might want to get your money back from this one, and keep looking.


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## Harden1313 (May 28, 2013)

Seeing another lawyer tomorrow. She canceled my debit card so I'm in a pinch. We shall see.


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