# if not for my son....



## chuckster (Jan 24, 2013)

at the point of separation, we were 3 years and 10 months into our marriage. we will make 5 years of marriage in october, thou we are still apart. we'd relocated from from tx to ca 8 or 9 months earlier. we have a two year old (almost 3) son together, and she has a 17 year old daughter. she is a devout christian, and i am agnostic. she always called the cops every time we argued. i never hit her or threatened her, so they just ask me or her to go somewhere to cool off. until one day, when i left before the police came, she made up some story about me choking her. truth is, she attacked me, so i had to throw her off me, but i never choked her. so, they arrested me 3 months later for domestic violence, 3d felony, $50k bond. i beat the case, lost $10k cash. she has not worked since being pregnant with our son in 2012. she always talking about domestic violence, but when i bring up the fact that i have never touch her or threaten her, she says DV is emotional, mental and psychological, not just physical. she's called them again here in cali after an argument in july 2014. i really think she has bpd. then came aug 26, 2014. we made love all night, took a bath together...being extra sweet. even asked what i wanted for dinner that morning before i left for work. call me at work to say how much she loved me and all that. looking back, i saw the signs, but didn't realize it. had a hunch something was up, but i discounted it. so i came home from work to a dark house with an echo as i stepped in. she had taken almost everything including my son. i didn't know it at the time, but she moved all the way to LA from our home in the Bay area...with my son! i call the police to report this abduction and kidnapping because you cannot take a child from a parent more than 70 miles, at least here in cali. i immediately fild for custody and for divorce. they wanted us to see a mediator. she went in first. when my time came, the female counselor said she had already made up her mind because my wife said there had been DV and that she was afraid and fled for saftey. complete and utter bs. so, the feminist counselor gave her permission via temp court order to stay in LA with my son, and i get two weekends, one in the bay, and one in LA, until the DV case was heard. the DV case was thrown out, but the order is still in effect until a full custody hearing. and when it's time for me to have my son in the bay, i have to pay her way up here. bs. ok, so november comes, and she wants to reconcile. we do. i pay her rent in la, bought her daugher a car for her 17 bday, all with the agreed expectation that she was moving back to the bay with me at the end of her lease. they let her out early cause she couldn't pay. i told her by july first, if she was not with me, i could not give her any more money cause i'm going broke. meanwhile, i see on her recent email that she left open that she is writing to her pastor and everyone else about how much of a DV victim she is, same old story. how god has paid her rent and looked out for her, when it was me all along. unbelievable. so july 1 came, she said she was staying in LA. i said ok, not another dime from me. if you want to stay in LA, you are completely on your own. now she totaled the car i was letting her drive (i had a lexus and an infiniti). now she has no car, and no place to live as far as i know. she told me that she was taking my son back to texas, and i would not see him until the divorce is final. i immediately called police and went to the court to file an affidavit of contempt of a court order (for refusing my visitation and for taking him out of the state), plus emergency custody hearing. our divorce/custody case had been put off by the courts until feb 2016 because we no showed for the last two dates. despite all this, i profess my love for her and i want the family together because i want my son to have both of his parents. but she is still talking ****. i keep begging her, but i feel like a dumb ass after i do it each time. wtf am i begging her for? what should i do people? there is more, but i wanted to just give an opening to my situation. thanks.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

chuckster said:


> at the point of separation, we were 3 years and 10 months into our marriage. we will make 5 years of marriage in october, thou we are still apart. we'd relocated from from tx to ca 8 or 9 months earlier. we have a two year old (almost 3) son together, and she has a 17 year old daughter. she is a devout christian, and i am agnostic. she always called the cops every time we argued. i never hit her or threatened her, so they just ask me or her to go somewhere to cool off. until one day, when i left before the police came, she made up some story about me choking her. truth is, she attacked me, so i had to throw her off me, but i never choked her. so, they arrested me 3 months later for domestic violence, 3d felony, $50k bond. i beat the case, lost $10k cash. she has not worked since being pregnant with our son in 2012. she always talking about domestic violence, but when i bring up the fact that i have never touch her or threaten her, she says DV is emotional, mental and psychological, not just physical. she's called them again here in cali after an argument in july 2014. i really think she has bpd. then came aug 26, 2014. we made love all night, took a bath together...being extra sweet. even asked what i wanted for dinner that morning before i left for work. call me at work to say how much she loved me and all that. looking back, i saw the signs, but didn't realize it. had a hunch something was up, but i discounted it. so i came home from work to a dark house with an echo as i stepped in. she had taken almost everything including my son. i didn't know it at the time, but she moved all the way to LA from our home in the Bay area...with my son! i call the police to report this abduction and kidnapping because you cannot take a child from a parent more than 70 miles, at least here in cali. i immediately fild for custody and for divorce. they wanted us to see a mediator. she went in first. when my time came, the female counselor said she had already made up her mind because my wife said there had been DV and that she was afraid and fled for saftey. complete and utter bs. so, the feminist counselor gave her permission via temp court order to stay in LA with my son, and i get two weekends, one in the bay, and one in LA, until the DV case was heard. the DV case was thrown out, but the order is still in effect until a full custody hearing. and when it's time for me to have my son in the bay, i have to pay her way up here. bs. ok, so november comes, and she wants to reconcile. we do. i pay her rent in la, bought her daugher a car for her 17 bday, all with the agreed expectation that she was moving back to the bay with me at the end of her lease. they let her out early cause she couldn't pay. i told her by july first, if she was not with me, i could not give her any more money cause i'm going broke. meanwhile, i see on her recent email that she left open that she is writing to her pastor and everyone else about how much of a DV victim she is, same old story. how god has paid her rent and looked out for her, when it was me all along. unbelievable. so july 1 came, she said she was staying in LA. i said ok, not another dime from me. if you want to stay in LA, you are completely on your own. now she totaled the car i was letting her drive (i had a lexus and an infiniti). now she has no car, and no place to live as far as i know. she told me that she was taking my son back to texas, and i would not see him until the divorce is final. i immediately called police and went to the court to file an affidavit of contempt of a court order (for refusing my visitation and for taking him out of the state), plus emergency custody hearing. our divorce/custody case had been put off by the courts until feb 2016 because we no showed for the last two dates. despite all this, i profess my love for her and i want the family together because i want my son to have both of his parents. but she is still talking ****. i keep begging her, but i feel like a dumb ass after i do it each time. wtf am i begging her for? what should i do people? there is more, but i wanted to just give an opening to my situation. thanks.


Find a lawyer who specializes in child custody who will start to pursue an unfit mother based on mental illness case. You have zero shot at repairing this marriage. She will always use these accusations as power over you. You simply can't trust her again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Chuck,

I think that you need to keep your threads together as there is info on the old one that help understand your story. I would like to merge the two threads. Are you ok with that?



http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/66086-police.html


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