# Ok to get HAPPY ENDING??



## loveless1 (Aug 16, 2010)

Ok so if youve read my first post i got the I love y b n i love speech, it all started with no sex between us and her telling me to go have sex w a gf.. that it was ok ... i really thought it was a some what good idea she is a very cool wife i was intrigued.. but then deceided not to and as i ran the scenaro to her and asked how will we get together say after 3 months of me f..in this mistress she said wed be FRIENDS she just be the woman who cooks and cleans and takes care of our children... i was shocked.. not at all what i wanted thank god i didnt do it. so now about month and half later we are doing counseling and i felt we were doing better she says she loves me and wants to try and work out our /her issues, last night we were talking and i mentioned a back ache she suggeested a massage but at a happy end place... i was floored once again intrigued but what does that mean??? she has been some distant not trying as hard as she was so not sure how to read it.. she said that if i went to reg massause that id get wood and be embarassed so just go to h .e. place and since im there shed be ok with just a hand job....wow... cool wife or wanting out or looking to build a wall what??? im totally confused. i told her why dont we both go she could be in room with me or get her own massage she has no interest, i really dont need a H.E but since she brought it up i was asking questions. and advice ladys?? is there a hidden meaning...once again i dont want a H.E ...at least not from a mass. my wife yes


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think she's trying to escape fulfilling your needs within the marriage, because she doesn't want to make the effort herself. I think regardless of what she says, if you go outside the marriage to satisfy your sexual needs, it'll be another nail in the coffin of your marriage.

What you need to know is what her idea of an ideal marriage is. Would it be to have a friend/housemate, or is to have a husband, who she's in love with and envisions growing old and still holding hands with when she's 80? What did she envision her marriage to be when you first got married? Why has she lost sight of this?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would have to think the hidden meaning is that your wife does not want to have sex, feels guilty about that, and throwing out these suggestions sounds better to her than actually stepping up to the plate herself. I also really think if you act on any of her suggestions, it will affect your marriage in a negative way and you will regret it.

Deep down, your wife is aware that sex is an important part of your marriage, but she is feeling zero desire for sex. I know your therapist suggested a 3 month hiatus...have you spoken to your wife about it? Do you still bring up wanting to have sex, etc? I'm just wondering if her comments are guilt driven?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm thinking two possibilities: 
1. She finds sex unpleasant and wishes to avoid it alltogether.

2. She's getting something on the side and hopes you will, too, so if the crap hits the fan, you aren't sitting on any moral high ground. She says "I love you but not in love with you." This frequently comes out of the mouths of cheating spouses. "You have sexual needs and it's cool if you do someone else." This is the same as "we should see other people." It normally means she's already picked one out for herself. Notice that before Eve offered Adam the forbidden fruit, she'd already been snacking on it.


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

For one- _*HELL NO! DO NOT GO OUT OF THE MARRIAGE*_ that will only make things, ten times worse than what they are. Yes, she is telling you, to do it but if you, were to act on this; it would and it will make things so much worse in your marriage. Your, wife I take it she is seeing someone else- she, says it is not you, and all well, if it really isn't what you are doing wrong then it is her that is acting out in the bedroom wrong and just does not like the way it feels for her. So, I feel she is acting on her own way of getting off... 

This is also another reason why, she may not want to make love with you (Sorry, I do not use the word sex- it is not in my words, You, love somone you make love) Anyway, she seems like she has her mind made up already in what she wants to do... It is good that you two are going to be seeing a marriage counselor it will help- if she is welling to let it help...

From the sounds of things though you, are the one who is doing all of the trying, to make things work and all she, is doing is trying to find ways out of not making it work, not making love you, not being the wife that she is. I do not care if she is cool or not. _*NO WIFE WOULD ALLOW THEIR HUSBAND TO BE WITH ANOTHER WOMEN UNLESS THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LOVER OF THEIR OWN...*_ You are a male and you, do have your needs this may be but- there are ways around it and it is not sleeping around on your wife- not even if she says "go ahead I do not care" Love is something you want to share with someone you love. Now days, you do not want to be sleeping around you have no clue what is out there- besides it is something that should only be done with the one you love. Not someone you don't

*Cynthriaa*


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Regardless of what she tells you, if you have sex with someone else, or engage in any kind of sexual activity with someone else, your wife will be bothered by it and it will have a negative impact on your marriage. Telling you it's ok and she won't mind is her way of trying to convince herself of that. 

I don't know why she won't have sex with you, and I won't speculate, because the scenarios are too widely varied to even begin to guess. She knows why she won't. And eventually, you will know, too; whether that's because you ask, she tells you when you go outside your marriage, or the whole thing just falls apart anyway and it comes out, but you will eventually know why. 

If you reach a point where you feel that living without sex has gotten unbearable and you must have sex with someone, that is the point at which you go to your wife and tell her that either she has sex with you or you are filing for divorce. If it comes to divorce, you wait until it's final before you find someone else. 

Do not cheat, though. Regardless of what she says, regardless of what you try to tell yourself, it's still cheating, and it's wrong. Whether it's a paid masseuse, some girl you know, or a total stranger is irrelevant - it's still cheating.


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