# Does it get easier??



## Hopeful_wife (Nov 6, 2009)

Country music doesn't help, I'm sure.

If you read my other post, you'll know what's going on a little more. It's been a little over a week since my husband moved out. At first we talked about seeing each other and having dates, but now it seems that he wants more space than I originally expected. We did go on one date and he's been over a few times to see our son and have dinner, but he's gone as soon as dinner is over. Almost like he can't wait to leave. He said he is enjoying his space. I asked him if he was enjoying it too much and he said he didn't know. I asked him the other day what we were supposed to be doing, and if he wanted our separation to save our marriage or to be single again. He said a little of both, but mostly to save our marriage. 

I, on the other hand, am struggling. I've had a couple of good days, but for the most part I wake up and feel the emptiness when I realize that he's not there. And when I go to bed, I feel the same way. I've done well occupying myself, but it's still hard. I can only clean so much. I really want to enjoy my time too, you know? But it's so hard to do the things I enjoy and not be able to tell him about it when I get home. How long before I start to stop feeling completely miserable? I went out last night and did enjoy myself a bit, but all I could think about was the fact that I was going to go home and he wouldn't be there. I'm trying to be positive for my son, but it's so difficult, especially when he's asking questions that I can't answer, or makes some comment about daddy not being home anymore. 

Does anyone have suggestions on what to do to help make the time go by a little faster? Especially when I'm home most of the time with our son. I haven't even been able to watch tv because I can't focus on what I'm watching. I actually pulled my scrapbooking stuff out and worked on a vacation that we took 3 years ago, now that I have time for that, but was miserable the whole time because it was full of pictures of us having a great time. 

I just want to know who else has gone through this and how long it took you to get through the loneliness and emptiness, and what kind of things did you do to pass the time?


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

It will get easier, but understand you will have good days and bad days. Easy days and hard days. One day you wake up and think wow I got this I don't even feel horrible anymore. And then in the next breath all you feel is pain. It happens. To pass the time...stay busy. STay with friends, exercise, read, just stay busy. That will help a lot in the beginning.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

yes!! busy busy busy... can help with most things, especially the loneliness.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Snix has it. This is a time to work on yourself. If you want to get him back, ironically, the best thing you can do is become your own person. Pursue the hobbies you've always wanted to do, start going to the gym, join some groups, rekindle some old friendships, heck, even just going out for a coffee by yourself with a book is a start.

If you continue to revolve your life around your H, you'll just prolong the pain. If you get your own life, you may find that he starts to notice that you've changed, and could get a little more interest. The bonus for you is that either way, you get past all this sooner.


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## Hopeful_wife (Nov 6, 2009)

Wow...that's good advice. I might actually try that  I'm starting to enjoy some of my time, but again, I find myself feeling lonely when I can't share my experiences with him. I hope he starts feeling different about me, but like you said, either way I'll find myself and get past this.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

This would be a great time to throw yourself into something you've always wanted to do. Exercise and reading will take some time, but find something you feel passionate about and go whole hog reading about it--books, online, everything. Learn another language, take a car repair course, photography, fashion design, whatever--start taking some classes toward some type of employment you've thought you might like (Community colleges are great ways to get started and low cost so you won't waste a bunch of $$ if you decide not to pursue the degree, and your knowledge will always be useful). Use your local library to browse subjects and get ideas--maybe you'll just decide you want to watch every episode of Lost on DVD, or something like that; doesn't matter--you are making a change, broadening your experiences, and passing time. If you aren't in counseling, start--your minister, a therapist, someone to help you through this. Set aside some "mourning time" each day--15 minutes while your son naps or whatever, and let yourself feel bad then, but commit yourself to putting aside those thoughts when the time is up. If you haven't ever enjoyed the outdoors, or had a chance to indulge in that pleasure, take up walking or hiking or even running--it's like meditation for me. Good luck, and hang in there.


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