# Looking for help



## Cement drive (Jul 21, 2019)

My name is Tim, I need help...My wife has lost weight and is looking amazing. She is in involved with our local little league and now has been asked to be involved with the district. I work crazy hrs and encourage her to do this. One day I decided I wanted to surprise her at the field when I got there she said what are you doing here, I said I wanted to see you. After a bit she said are you leaving I said not yet asked why oh I was going to walk you out, I never said anything about leaving. Then I got a strange feeling from her. I decided to leave after that feeling. After awhile I texted her asked where she was , she went out with her friend and never said anything. Then instead of coming home she went to another friends house . The next day I said I was waiting for you, she then said what do you want from me, I sit home all day by myself, when you come home your either on your phone or in bed, I feel lonely I said I get it, the next week same crazy work week and her with baseball we didn’t see each other. But then she started talking saying how she doesn’t have a life, and she started bringing up the district president (I know she needs to talk to him) but it was strange. Again another night of not coming home right away probably thought I was in bed but still no word from her, the next day I said where were you her reply I went out. I said I was waiting for you. She said to me I’m lonely and have no life I said neither do I. I asked where were you she said banging your mom I said well your banging somebody. The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Well she is cheating again and you should divorce her


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill. Obviously you didn't learn the first time around


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

Only thing left to do is file for divorce buddy.! Doesn’t even sound like reconcile could be a mild possibility.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When she lost the weight she lost her common sense.

Being at home alone caused her to stew and plot.

This weight loss is something that she has been planning for and cooking for a long time.

Unfortunately, (it seems) she has transferred into someone else's Lean Cuisine.

Being a SAHM is an honor. Not going in to work everyday is a blessing in disguise.

And her doing so is exactly why OP, her husband, had to work long hours to afford her this honor.

It is very hard to make ends meet on one paycheck.

And this is how she pays him back?

It is good that she got involved with her children's activities.
It is not good that she used this time to "meat and tenderize" other men.


KB-


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

You deserve better. 
She obviously gives zero ****s about you as a partner or as a human being.
I’m really sorry this is happening but please. Have enough respect for yourself to serve her with D papers.
See a lawyer tomorrow morning and file. She has no intention of ever changing because she has no reason to.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Cement drive said:


> The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


Questions:

1. What consequences did she suffer after her first affair? Did you just move on and try to forget it? Its called rug sweeping and never works.

2. How many children do you have?

3. Did you consider following her or having a Private Investigator follow her?

4. Even though I don't know why you would with such a remorseless cheater, if you want to save your marriage *YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO LOSE YOUR MARRIAGE TO SAVE IT, AND SHE HAS TO BELIEVE IT!*

Answers for this situation:

A. _*Have her served with divorce papers as soon as possible*. _The divorce can be called off if she becomes remorseful. Right now she is defiant. Forget that ****!

B. *Check phone bills. *Any sign of massive texting?

C. *Check Social Media. * Get her phone if you can. Check emails.

D. *She is a serial cheater.* They cannot be fixed. It's part of their DNA.

E. *Do not do the pick-me dance.* No begging or crying in front of her.

F. *Learn the "180" technique and practice it religiously.* https://healinginfidelity.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-180-for-hurt-spouses.html

G. *When you find out who the other man is, inform his spouse or girl friend as soon as possible.* Nothing kills an affair quicker. *Do not tell your wife you are going to do this.*

H. *Be courageous, strong, and confident.* If you can't, fake till you make it.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

She has zero respect for you, zero. You can't do anything with that. As it sounds now, I'd place high odds on her having an affair with a Dad or Coach from the little league team. You could hire a Private Investigator to follow her and get evidence but that will only help if you are in a state that is an "At Fault" state. You could also put a Voice-activated Recorder under the seat with heavy-duty velcro in her car (get a Sony and Lithium batteries). See a lawyer as soon as possible to see where you stand in a divorce. Knowledge is power.

e.t.a. As said above, check her phone and text records on your cellular bill.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Cement drive said:


> My name is Tim, I need help...My wife has lost weight and is looking amazing. She is in involved with our local little league and now has been asked to be involved with the district. I work crazy hrs and encourage her to do this. One day I decided I wanted to surprise her at the field when I got there she said what are you doing here, I said I wanted to see you. After a bit she said are you leaving I said not yet asked why oh I was going to walk you out, I never said anything about leaving. Then I got a strange feeling from her. I decided to leave after that feeling. After awhile I texted her asked where she was , she went out with her friend and never said anything. Then instead of coming home she went to another friends house . The next day I said I was waiting for you, she then said what do you want from me, I sit home all day by myself, when you come home your either on your phone or in bed, I feel lonely I said I get it, the next week same crazy work week and her with baseball we didn’t see each other. But then she started talking saying how she doesn’t have a life, and she started bringing up the district president (I know she needs to talk to him) but it was strange. Again another night of not coming home right away probably thought I was in bed but still no word from her, the next day I said where were you her reply I went out. I said I was waiting for you. She said to me I’m lonely and have no life I said neither do I. I asked where were you she said banging your mom I said well your banging somebody. The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


I WW must be filed on to get anywhere.
A WW is quite different than a WH.
FILE NOW.

Talking to your wife will get you NOWHERE. She wants to see action.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The validation serial cheaters get is like a drug. They have no interest in giving that up which obviously makes them extremely difficult to be married to. 

What's your plan?


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

@MattMatt - I think we got another one for CWI.
@Cement drive - usually I would give you the advice to get Fonelab and recover all the information from her phone.

But in this case I don't think it will help. It's easy for me to say, but obviously you should leave her disrespectful ass and don't look back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Cement drive I'm sorry you are here, but I am please you found us as you'll get all the help ad advice you will need, here.

I have moved your thread to the Coping With Infidelity section.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

If I were in your shoes, I would go to the field and not tell her. Just watch to see what happens.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Unfortunately i would be betting my family home that she is cheating again. Either the Little League President or one of the dads. For peace of mind you are going to want the smoking gun. 

Stay silent plant a VAR underneath her car seat and i guarantee you will have your answers within 48 hours. As of now discreetly find yourself a good Divorce Lawyer and plan your exit. It sounds like you offered up no consequences to her the last time she cheated. I sincerley hope you kick her to the kerb this time.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sports Fan said:


> Unfortunately i would be betting my family home that she is cheating again. Either the Little League President or one of the dads. For peace of mind you are going to want the smoking gun.
> 
> Stay silent plant a VAR underneath her car seat and i guarantee you will have your answers within 48 hours. As of now discreetly find yourself a good Divorce Lawyer and plan your exit. It sounds like you offered up no consequences to her the last time she cheated. I sincerley hope you kick her to the kerb this time.


Do this, don't let her know anything about what you suspect, keep tight-lipped and investigate.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Do, as all have suggested, get concrete proof.

Her current cheating will show up as _obvious_ footsteps in this, still soft, very coarse aggregate affair.

Aggravating thing, this weak, wet slump treachery.


KB-


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Track her movements with a dog GPS tracking device such as a Whistle (whistle.com). Easy to hide in her vehicle and will put you within 10 ft of her vehicle any time. Cost about $100 and about $10/ month for service. If she's doing what it sounds like, you'll have her dead to rights in a couple or three weeks.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Cement drive said:


> The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


I would say that she cheating again or at least thinking about it. Did she suffer any consequences the last time she cheated? If not no wonder she doing the same thing again.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Cement, she's cheating AGAIN! D is the only answer.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Cement drive said:


> I asked where were you she said banging your mom I said well your banging somebody. The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


Can you give a little more background? Who and how did she cheat before?

Do you have kids in the little league?

Get a private investigator, you will have evidence the next time she's at the field. Photos and videos. Everything you need to know who and what.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Since she has already proven to be a cheater in the past, your strong gut feeling that she is doing it again should be enough to move you to divorce her, proof or no proof. Her behavior and how it makes you feel is enough.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Door mat and bill payer. That is all OP is to this family dynamic.

Seriously, you need to ask yourself, are you really working ALL these hours just to pay for her to be with other lovers? Does that make your life enjoyable? Get off the crazy train, and start to look at yourself in the mirror. What in the love of God, do you want in YOUR LIFE!!!!!


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I’m very hesitant to recommend D. I hate D. But a spouse who suspects cheating is right over 90% of the time and she’s done it before. I’d get proof and if she’s doing it again while speaking to you with contempt, you should consider D.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Cement drive said:


> My name is Tim, I need help...My wife has lost weight and is looking amazing. She is in involved with our local little league and now has been asked to be involved with the district. I work crazy hrs and encourage her to do this. One day I decided I wanted to surprise her at the field when I got there she said what are you doing here, I said I wanted to see you. After a bit she said are you leaving I said not yet asked why oh I was going to walk you out, I never said anything about leaving. Then I got a strange feeling from her. I decided to leave after that feeling. After awhile I texted her asked where she was , she went out with her friend and never said anything. Then instead of coming home she went to another friends house . The next day I said I was waiting for you, she then said what do you want from me, I sit home all day by myself, when you come home your either on your phone or in bed, I feel lonely I said I get it, the next week same crazy work week and her with baseball we didn’t see each other. But then she started talking saying how she doesn’t have a life, and she started bringing up the district president (I know she needs to talk to him) but it was strange. Again another night of not coming home right away probably thought I was in bed but still no word from her, the next day I said where were you her reply I went out. I said I was waiting for you. She said to me I’m lonely and have no life I said neither do I. I asked where were you she said banging your mom I said well your banging somebody. The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


Your story is like a "ME" TV rerun. Like an episode of Murder She Wrote where you know the end from the beginning.

We have seen it over and over again. 

I know it is not what you want to hear, but man up and deal with it. 

Have some self respect this time and realize she does not love you, she likes the things you provide but she is still on the market for the "love of her life".

We can help you with the next steps. Stop confronting her for now.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cement drive said:


> My name is Tim, I need help...My wife has lost weight and is looking amazing. She is in involved with our local little league and now has been asked to be involved with the district. I work crazy hrs and encourage her to do this. One day I decided I wanted to surprise her at the field when I got there she said what are you doing here, I said I wanted to see you. After a bit she said are you leaving I said not yet asked why oh I was going to walk you out, I never said anything about leaving. Then I got a strange feeling from her. I decided to leave after that feeling. After awhile I texted her asked where she was , she went out with her friend and never said anything. Then instead of coming home she went to another friends house . The next day I said I was waiting for you, she then said what do you want from me, I sit home all day by myself, when you come home your either on your phone or in bed, I feel lonely I said I get it, the next week same crazy work week and her with baseball we didn’t see each other. But then she started talking saying how she doesn’t have a life, and she started bringing up the district president (I know she needs to talk to him) but it was strange. Again another night of not coming home right away probably thought I was in bed but still no word from her, the next day I said where were you her reply I went out. I said I was waiting for you. She said to me I’m lonely and have no life I said neither do I. I asked where were you she said banging your mom I said well your banging somebody. The last time my wife said those things she cheated on me and fell in love with him.


I guess you should have left back then.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

He's waiting for one of you guys to say "if you do xyz she will love you again".

Never going to happen.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tim, what happened the last time she cheated?


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