# Difficult MOTHER-IN-LAW need advice!???????



## lam4391 (Apr 16, 2011)

Ok, I'm new to this site simply because i'm about to go crazy if I don't get some advice on this topic. Lets start by saying that my mother-in-law is getting married as soon as my husband gets home from deployment about 1000 miles far from us and we are going to her wedding. Well point is i'm freaking out! I'm having nervous attacks, because Every since i've been married to my husband she has been "rude" to me and it seems like she tries to compete with me for my husband some examples would be.. When he rubs my shoulders she will bat her eyes at him and make a comment like "why do her shoulders get rubbed and not mine" I feel like screaming because i"m his wife and he loves me god forbid he rubs my shoulders! Or another time I made a nice dinner set the table and all and I marrented the chicken in dr pepper (which you cannot taste) she refused to eat my dinner I made her. One time I called her to vent about one of our arguements and somewho the topic got brought of of cheating and I told her, I would never ever cheat on my husband" and she said "yeah well thats wat michelle said too" Michelle is my husbands brothers ex wife. Another time Was when we went to go visit my brother in law brought our neice whom we were to meet for the first time and my mother in law has met her several times and she shouts out " I get to see taylor first and hold and play with her before anyone gets to because i'm her grandma! in a rude manner. I'm just fed up with her rude remarks towards me. I feel like she doesnt' accept me and it hurts because more then anything I would love to be close with her. Iam very respectful and nice to her but that doesn't work. I'm started to feel resentful towards her. I also get bugged because she never ever calls my husband not even on holidays to check on him he's been deployed 3 months and she has not called me once!  I don't know what to do! Any suggestions?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think it would help you to take a step back and see this from an outsiders view for a moment. From your post, it is very obvious your Mother IN Law has ISSUES >>> she is jealous, she is insecure, she is throwing herself at others, begging for immediate attention in all things-her grandbabby etc, she is rude, and likely everyone else sees & feels this also. I doubt it is JUST you, she likely treats many in her path this way and WHY she is so pathetically lonely. 

So why be intimidated by her, dont even allow it to happen, don't let her shake you up. And please - Pray for her future husband!! 

Maybe I am very odd, but people like this often amuse me, I do not allow them to irriate me, it is SO obvious they are miserable. My motto is - so long as they can not affect MY life & children, I can handle their rolling eyes, snide comments, her rejecting of my food, whatever, if that makes her somehow feel Special and Powerful over me, I'll give her that opportunity, but it will NOT affect MY niceness to her. Because that is who I am. 

Her actions is NO reflection on who you are, it is a REFLECTION on who she is or let's say -who she CHOOSES to be. 

Others will see this and have more respect for you, and in time, you may even win her over, but some nuts are hard to crack, do not loose who YOU are -because of someone else. 


You sound like a very nice person, Continue to be nice to her, even in her madness-if at all possible. I know I would do this and feel good about it later, even laughing with my husband on the mindless rude things she tried to stump me over. 

I have an example in my husbands family. When we got together, I met his 2 sisters, they are like night & day, one is SWEETNESS incarnate, the other RUDE, mouthy , not as pretty, announces her Birthday coming up -what we have to buy her, even telling me she didnt like me, wondered if I was using her brother, complained when I got pregnant. I was not crazy about her, but wondered what in the H is her problem. 

I come to learn from talking to the Mom that this sister was always ignored over her more popular sister, she was left at home, she wanted children but was infertile, she was angry ! Life was not fair, she lived in her sisters shadow, etc. I accually felt bad for her. And I went out of my way to be nice to her - even when she was NOT being so nice to me. It was a challenge but You know what, she loves me today, she has opened up to me where she does not even talk to her own Mother and she still hates her own sister. 

My advice, don't loose who you are over someone else's actions.


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## mmomof3 (Apr 19, 2011)

I had MIL issues as well, not to that point but I agree with the advice above. The only advice I can offer is do not allow it to become your husband's issue, I complained mine and he wanted to "fix it" which made it worse for awhile. I did finally talk with mine and explained if she could not minimally be polite to me in front of my children she was not welcome in my home. I explained that I expect she would always have a special relationship with her son and I did not want to change that but much like I accept her as part of the package, her son picked me and I am now part of the package. Good luck :iagree:


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

The advice in prevous replies is spont on, but I'd like to add that your husband should step up and end this once and for all. In hindsight, I see that my mother was aware that my wife was bipolar before I was, so some of her response was pehaps understandable, but she did a lot of behind the scenes hurting. Like making sure that my wife didn't get certain invitations. Some of her actions were extremely hurtful. When my mother announced that she was visiting, I told her to hold off and understand that any future interaction with us could only be allowed if she treat my wife like I would treat her. I also explained that being a grandmother would be cold and lonely unless she could be a positive influence in their lives. The behavior stopped immediately.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

My MIL is a nightmare too. She is legally blind but can see what she wants to see. She has what we refer to as convenient sight. For instance, she can see a road sign as we are driving in the car, but the minute we get to a grocery store and she is running me into poles,hitting me with the cart and starts knocking stuff off the shelves. It would be believable had others not told me about how she did this. She worked for the state going to peoples houses and teaching them how to use equipment.she navigated her way through them like a pro and even described some of the houses she detested going to. She also tells me how to run my house and marraige. 

Just like the other posters why does she do this? Because she is lonely and her only way to get attention is to be totally out of control. She will take any attention as long as she gets it. How do I handle her. I praise her like a child when she is good and ignore her when she wants to act out. I also find that when I confront her right away when she says something that is not appropriate,she backs totally off. I don't let her comments over how I should handle my marraige get to me. Her hubby left her and we have been married longer than she was so I think I am figuring things out.

The above posters are all correct and the big thing is to ignore what isn't important and stand your ground when she says things she shouldn't. If she made the comment,that is what Michelle said,speak up. Well I am not Michelle. Make it clear you have no intention of putting up with that behavior. 

You should start now because the longer you wait,the worse it will get.
Good Luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

My poor husband has a rude and racist mother in law. We stay away from her. She is prone to anger outbursts and controlling behavior, she has terrorized people with her behavior for decades. She will not change, so I keep my distance.
Sometimes our parents behave in ways we are ashamed of. It is usually their own issues. Like my mother, your MIL has the need for constant validation. I bet your MIL feels upstaged by your role in your husband's life. 
You are a saint for being kind to her. I would advise that you do NOT share your private gripes about your husband with his mother. This violates the trust in your marriage. She may not like hearing negative things about her son and it just gives her ammo. Our in laws know very little about our personal interactions. They don't need to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife and mother don't speak to each other. Never have. My wife and her own mother don't speak to each other. All that crazy in one place creates a wormhole that sucks in everything and squirts it out of the Stargate in another part of the galaxy. I don't speak to my mother in law, she's a nutcase. I don't speak with my mom very much just casual conversation and chatter. My wife's dad is dead and my dad is dead. Lucky bastards.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're married now. You have your OWN life. She is now on the periphery of y'all's lives.

Treat her that way.

Step back.


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