# How Can I Move Forward



## DivaLasVegas (Dec 12, 2011)

It has been 10 months since D-Day and I still can't stop crying or thinking about what my husband and the ugly pig has done. I see him with her and spending time with her and on top of here. How can I forgive and move on? I can never forgive him. We swore to each other that we would be faithful. I can't get over that he would be with something so fat and ugly and stupid.... WHY ?? over me and risk loosing our life together. Anyone have any insight. I'm a mess!!SO sad and confused and hurt beyond belief. He just wants me to get over it! Then he gets mad if I ask him questions.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He is obviously not remorseful at all. See here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

Scroll down for remorse vs guilt


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

Maybe you need to start eating more.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Stop comparing yourself to the AP. You are better than that.

I hear it can take anywhere from 2 to 5 yrs to recover from the effects of an affair.

I'm 13 months out and still I feel the effects as a BS. Some days are bad, most are okay. There are still times (though it's getting less and less) where I cry uncontrollably.

It takes time, and lots of it.

ETA: Oh, and I HATE - DESPISE...I mean *truly utterly hate* Adele's "Somebody" song. It's a major trigger for me (the words) I get very pissy when I hear it pop on the radio. I've even thrown things at my radio alarm clock because of that song. Really bad trigger. You'll have triggers too, admittedly I don't cope well with that particular trigger and I won't watch\read anything involving cheaters in it (movies, tv shows, books).


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I also hate that stupid Adele song! 

I'm not 10 months into my nightmare but I still have days like you described. For the most part I am much better but some days I wake up shaky and usually the rest of the day is bad.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

I am almost 5 months and I was going about every two good days, than I would hit a wall and have a really bad one. I have since graduated to about a week at a time. Today wasn't a good day. Most of my triggers are now my dreams. I can go the day without getting really upset about it...but when I dream about him cheating on me, I wake up very upset. Very angry at him and I have the uncontrollable urge to cry all day long. 

My triggers are condoms, (because we didn't wear them, but he did with her) silly trigger I know..but everytime I walk into a quick check (where he told me he bought them) I get upset.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

It can take years. And you may have triggers forever. Even after being involved in another relationship. BUT...take it day by day. IT WILL get better!

Cry. Cry everyday if you have to. Take a deep breath when your done, wash your face, look at yourself in the mirror and say "I deserve better. I am in charge of my own destiny." And go start your day or continue your day. Stay busy. Go to your doctor and ask for Lunesta to help you sleep (it's non-adictive).

If you see your cheating piece of crap of an ex, just say "you son of a b*tch!" and keep walking. Don't ask questions. Keep walking. He's scum to cheat. Why do you want to be with scum? Keep walking.


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## DivaLasVegas (Dec 12, 2011)

I just wish I could undo it, I have visions and nightmares, and I want all the answers. I feel like I should contact the AP ***** because my spouse won't tell me all the truth. It's like I do want to know it, but yet i don't. Yes I have terrible horrible triggers and it can be something as simple as driving past where he was with "IT".


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