# Neverending balancing act....



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

When rebuilding your connection in a marriage, how on earth do you get through the balancing act? Like two good days and then something happens and it makes you feel like dirt all over again? Example we had a great weekend and last night I suggested we do something that we haven't in a long time, wasn't sexual, but was intimate, and he said, no it's late. I said, really you are saying it's late? WTF? Grrrr I was so frustrated. I thought it would've been a wonderful emotionally intimate way to end the long family funfilled weekend we had and I got rejected & shut down. (Again no sexual intent, I keep wondering if I should've made that clear, because when he would want to do it... he would've always had sexual intent). I just wanted to go it for closeness and cuddle.... (his naked night on the couch where we just lay and cuddle-something he used to love to do)... so rather than sit and let my mind throw me into a tailspin I went to bed shortly after. He did come to bed with me, but of course was watching tv. I was struggling to just clear my mind to go to sleep. It shouldn't have bothered me that bad, but that rejection... I reminded myself, I'm supposed to be backing off.... dammit. Let him make the advancements, but it wasn't an advancement, I just wanted to feel close to him without obligation of sex. GRRRR anyway I am still sort of peeved about it today. So for those of you working on things with your spouse (no affair) how do you deal with setbacks? What is your stress reliever? should I address this tonight since I am calm now and let him know that I had no sexual intent? And we have switched places, he is now LD and I am HD (which in an of itself is bizzaro).... anyway I wanted to hear from the ladies. (of course might get some men's opinions too. and I don't mind)


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Ya know hun... I'm not sure if I'm in the situation you mean.. (no cheating on either of our parts.. but i'm trying to be a better wife).

I would say definetly start to talk about it tonite. Tell him that you meant it not in a sexual way, just a emotional/ cuddling re-bonding way. But, if he balks away from even talking about it, than maybe that conversation needs shelved for a week or two??

Maybe he was stressed thinking about work for the next day? I mean... with my Hubby's job, I've learned that the last night of a long 3 or 4 day weekend.. is NOT the best time to talk to him. It's almost like his mind shuts off & he's trying to gear himself up for the overload of work the next day, that he "knows" is coming.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> Ya know hun... I'm not sure if I'm in the situation you mean.. (no cheating on either of our parts.. but i'm trying to be a better wife).
> 
> I would say definetly start to talk about it tonite. Tell him that you meant it not in a sexual way, just a emotional/ cuddling re-bonding way. But, if he balks away from even talking about it, than maybe that conversation needs shelved for a week or two??
> 
> Maybe he was stressed thinking about work for the next day? I mean... with my Hubby's job, I've learned that the last night of a long 3 or 4 day weekend.. is NOT the best time to talk to him. It's almost like his mind shuts off & he's trying to gear himself up for the overload of work the next day, that he "knows" is coming.


He doesn't work until nights... so he didn't go in until tonight. I was the one who had to go in this morning. And I asked at 10pm.. it wasn't that late... just weird. But I think you are right, about if he balks... I feel like I have been bringing up a lot of things I am unhappy with lately and he seems just peachy with the way things are :scratchhead:


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