# Husband Telling Friends He Wants Divorce But I Don't Think He Really Does?



## paisleeandthebaby (May 14, 2013)

My husband and I are on a verbal separation right now. We have a 9 month old baby who is staying with me. He said to one of his friends on Facebook last Friday he was going to file for divorce. I guessed he decided not to because he can't afford it, but now I don't know. 
I decided I'd file for legal separation, so I could develop sole custody of the baby, get some structure, and because I can afford the process and I figured that's what he wants. I didn't tell him about the custody, I just brought up filling out the paperwork and filing for a separation. He immediately texted me back and was like "wooooooow ok i was gonna do something with you today but after that i'm not". Like, he was really upset. (However, I'd texted him the night before and earlier that day and he'd NEVER replied until I mentioned filing paperwork, after that was the first time he mentioned doing that)
So I said I'd refrain from filling out the paperwork and he calmed down. Then, last night I brought up the fact that I'd talked to my lawyer and he told me he wouldn't speak to me again if I didn't "drop the lawyer bs". I told him I wouldn't continue on with him at the moment. Getting a lawyer would be one of the first steps to a divorce, which he told me and other people he wanted, so that especially doesn't make sense.
So, he hasn't mentioned filing for divorce or separation himself(i know he hasn't actually filed either, as I've asked the county clerk twice already), and he gets mad whenever I make any motion to do it. He has no money, no job, and he can't afford the filing fee, so I figured if he REALLY wanted a divorce, he'd be begging me to file since I can afford it, but instead he's getting mad.
We've been verbally separated for over 2 weeks now, and he left me. I want to reconcile very badly, and all I want is to meet with him in person or even just talk on the phone but he refuses or doesn't reply to texts. I haven't heard his voice or seen him since the Monday before last.
What do you guys think? Do you think he maybe just wants space right now, do you think he's planning something? Should I just go ahead and file for legal separation so I have a custody plan in order? Or wait?
Please help, I really need it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I like the way you are calling his bluff! Good job!

Obviously, he doesn't know what he wants and it is possible you two could get through this. But not until he gets his behind off the fence. 

In order to make a marriage work, you HAVE to put your all into it. You are willing, he is not. Right now he is doing a wait and see, maybe things will get better. Which would be fine if we were talking about a toothache! A marriage takes work and for whatever reason, he's not willing to make a commitment to make it work. And he will go on doing this to you indefinitely. 

By filing the paper work, you are sending a clear signal, if you won't work at our marriage, there is nothing to save.

Worst to best case, you file, go through D and remarry a wiser man who finally understands that marriage takes work and my wife won't put up with nonsense!


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

This is a hard call to make since it sounds like he does not want to make up his mind and honestly it really does not sound like yours is either. Until you have figured out what you truly want, than just leave things the way they are. If you want a divorce and custody of your child, than do something about it. Either way you two need to make up your minds. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What state do you live in?

You say that you can afford to file. I assume this means that you have a job. YOu say that he does not have a job.

If you file for custody, he might very well tell the court that he also wants to have partial custody right now. He will most likely get some.. perhaps as much as 50%. Since he has no income, you will be paying him child support.

The court could also order you to pay him interim spousal support until the separation or divorce is final. Depending on how long you were married, you could end up paying him spousal support after a separation or divorce as well.
One thing that your husband has apparently not figured out yet is that most states will waive the filing fee for people who have no income. 

If I were you I’d see an attorney and find out how all of this will play out in your state. And don’t tell your husband that you are seeing an attorney. You can also do a lot of reading on the internet about divorce and separation in your state to find out your rights.

Did you say that you have been separated for only 2 weeks? It might be to your advantage for the period of separation to be longer before you file. As an attorney.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Sounds like he's battling a little depression, unsure of himself, and questioning his own manhood/provider status.

Since you can afford a divorce, you should be able to afford some marriage counseling.


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## paisleeandthebaby (May 14, 2013)

I don't have a job, either and we live in California. I have money in savings accounts to pay for filing. Neither of us qualify for the income waiver since we're both living with our parents, and they take their income into account and they're WAY over the limit. He can't get custody because of it being an unsafe home, his brother was almost removed from the home once because its so disgusting and it's only gotten worse. He's supposedly looking for a job, and will most definitely have one before I do, so he'd still be paying me. I have wanted to go to counselling, which is free through my health insurance, but he doesn't want to. I think he knows what he wants, but his friends are telling him what he should do and he's scared. He's done this before, and we always came out stronger in the end.



EleGirl said:


> What state do you live in?
> 
> You say that you can afford to file. I assume this means that you have a job. YOu say that he does not have a job.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paisleeandthebaby (May 14, 2013)

Thumper said:


> Sounds like he's battling a little depression, unsure of himself, and questioning his own manhood/provider status.
> 
> Since you can afford a divorce, you should be able to afford some marriage counseling.


He is definitely depressed, he threatened to kill himself a week ago because he's so stressed in the situation he's put himself in. However, he doesn't want to get a job. One of the reasons we were having problems is because I was pressuring him to get one when he didn't want to. He was happy until that, so I don't think him being a provider has anything to do with it, really.
I REALLY want to do counselling, it's free for me, but it's a matter of convincing him D:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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