# How would I know if my husband is gay or bi-curious?



## Song

I mean really. What are the signs?

Anyone?

Thanks.


----------



## CallaLily

Does he watch gay or bi porn? Does he hang out in gay clubs? 
How has his interest in sex been with you? Has he wanted to try any new ideas you feel are odd? Is he wearing your clothes, or dressing different than usual? Hanging out wit gay or bi men? 

I really don't know for sure other than the obvious sign like, he has told you he was gay or bi.


----------



## thunderstruck

If he's trying to hide it from you, you'll probably never see the signs. My gay friend tells me there are a hell of a lot of married men on the prowl for some guy lovin' on the side. 

You may have to snoop, like with any other cheater spouse.


----------



## Lon

Buy him a realistic looking dildo as a gift and see his first reaction when he opens it.


----------



## Song

Thanks for the help/advice, Calla. I appreciate it.

He has told me that he likes to watch men masturbate online. 
I feel so much about our marriage is odd now since I accidentally discovered his secret life online. His words, secret life, not mine.

This accidental discovery ~ Dday ~ was over two years ago and I feel a general disconnect with him now that comes and goes.

For some reason, call it intuition, whatever, I decided to look through an old hotmail account of his. I haven't done this in probably over a year and I found when doing a cursory email search a notify email there to a site called abadboy.com 

When I googled it, I saw that it was like a CL for gay men. I suppose the best way to describe it was that it's kind of like the classifieds for gays and married men to find/hook-up with each other. 

Why would this even be remotely connected to his email? 

I asked him about it and of course he denies any knowledge of it and even wonders how it got there.

All I know is I never get this kind of spam in my inbox. 
But he does.

My intuition is telling me that he's conflicted, that he's done something ~ i.e. hook-up with another guy ~ but will never admit it to me.

There are other things, like his sex drive. But that's another long story.

Sigh. 

I wonder if I'm being paranoid....
This is why I'm hoping someone, anyone, maybe another married man might give me a clue gun. 

Something....


----------



## Song

Oh, thunderstruck. I would never see the signs?

That is sad.
For me. For me.

A secret life is an incredible waste of energy ~ why not just get divorced?


----------



## thunderstruck

Song said:


> This is why I'm hoping someone, anyone, maybe another married man might give me a clue gun.


Very sorry you're having to deal with this pain, but no clue gun here. I can tell you that as a straight/married guy, I would have zero interest in sites like that. I'll repeat that you need to snoop on him...keylogger, GPS and VAR in his car. Hopefully he's just looking, and hasn't acted on any of this.

One other thing. Each city usually has a hook up place for stuff like stuff. Usually it's a run down and wooded park. We have one here. Guys go at lunch, and disappear into the woods. I know this, b/c police stings are always busting some minister, politician, teacher, etc. I don't know...maybe find out if your H goes to a place like this (GPS in his car)?


----------



## C123

I don't think you're being paranoid at all. Your woman's intuition is telling you something. Don't ignore it. 

I'm straight and I can tell you that there isn't a bone in my body that desires to watch a man masturbate. I honestly can't believe that a straight man would get turned on by that. That's something a gay man would get turned on by.

You need to have a very direct discussion with him. Let him know you're not judging him but you have a right to know if he's gay. Tell him that if he's gay, he deserves to live the life he wants to live as do you.

I repeat, you're not being paranoid. If you're not ready to have this talk with him, start snooping around a lot more. If he finds you snooping, be honest why you're doing it.


----------



## Song

Thank you thunderstruck, Lon and C123 for your replies. 
So... I have two straight men here telling me that without a doubt that watching other men masturbate holds no allure.

Well, we have had discussions about this and I'm wondering if he just got so hooked into porn ~ he has called himself a porn freak ~ that his boundaries for what to watch became skewed.

But watching and posting on a classified for hook-ups are two different things.

I don't know how to talk with him about this because he denies any hook-ups with anyone ever. But he has admitted to posting naked pics of himself at two different online hook-up sites. He says he took them off after about a week because it was wrong. 

My intuition says he's just lying to me. But what if he is telling the truth?

I guess if someone here has been through this... help!

Thanks for answering my distress call ~ I appreciate it!


----------



## C123

You just changed the whole game Song.

He posted naked pictures of himself on a hook up site?!?!?

Was it gay or straight? Either way, he's violated the marriage. He doesn't deserve the inference that he might be telling the truth. He has to prove to you that he's not lying, not the other way around. He EARNS your trust. Obviously, he has some work to do.

I hate to state the obvious, but I would be very careful about STDs until you know for sure what's going on.

In my experience, dealing with my wife, her women's intuition is almost never wrong.


----------



## Lon

Song, my first comment was probably a little insensitive, I meant it to be a little lighthearted but seems like this is a troubling situation... I am a straight man but have been at times frustrated with my sex life, and towards the end of my marriage I found myself a little open minded about the other direction on the spectrum, I have not acted on it, but gave gay porn a view, it didn't do anything for me to see other men, however the thought of phallic shapes and mens organs was really creating some kind of deep urge.

At the time I also was pretty much in an entirely submissive frame of mind. I have never acted on it, nor really felt any compulsion to, however out of curiosity I did explore it in a bit of a voyeuristic way.

For me the subissiveness has largely gone away, but there is still something about phallic symbols (perhaps my own) that I fantasize about - I have no intent to make any such fantasy reality. When I say I am sexually attracted to women I mean it, and the frustration of not getting the type of sex you want or having sexual frustration does bizarre things to a man's psyche. Perhaps your H is just trying to explore this, but just because he is do not believe that it means his attraction to you is lessened or harmed in anyway. What is the rest of the communication like between you two?


----------



## Song

C123,

Yes, he told me posted naked pics of himself online at two sites but removed them after a week because it he felt bad about doing that.

He also claims that despite spending literally hundreds of hours online in the chat rooms that he could never find a woman to cam with him.

He's a writer. He's funny. He's a liar. He must have found someone over the years. But he claims it was hard to find any women to chat or cam with.

Really? How could this be?

So... I feel duped.

I have tried to talk with him, but he professes undying love and yet... he never really wanted to make love to me for years. At one point, I asked him to see a doctor for testosterone ~ something, anything. 

This was before I knew about his porn/chatting/webcam habit.

He did tell me that he masturbated online with men/cammed with them ~ but only because he couldn't find a female.

Well, he did find one female ~ the one I discovered in his secret email account on Dday. 

And that's all he admits to: camming with her and 7 men. So... if he was satisfied by masturbating online with me and not having sex with me... is he gay? Bi? What?

He claims he's straight.


----------



## Song

Lon, your first comment was probably apt. And I appreciate you coming back to share your ideas and impressions with me after thinking about it for a bit. 

I can see your point. Everyone fantasizes and this doesn't mean we'd act upon them. However, my husband was chatting with men online. Camming with them. Posting pics.

That is beyond fantasy now.

And to discover the notify email in his account the other day, well, it is just troubling.

And I can't rugsweep something like this.

I've approached him about this and it's always: denial.

What am I doing wrong?


----------



## Lon

Song, I believe he is straight. Perhaps a little bi-curious, but if so, if it is anyhting like me it was a combination of the desire to please, and the realization that he knows what men like (because he is one).

His sexual orientation is not the real issue here though, its the withdrawn intimacy with you caused by his relationship with porn and other available spectator outlets. You see he is already crossed the line to interacting and posting ads, he is clearly stepping WAY outside the bounds of marriage, even if he is not having sexual intercourse with others. This is a symptom of a much larger issue, however it is one that can be fixed with a lot of work, from him and patience and dedication from you too.

My recommendation is for him to quit the porn completely, even cancel your internet subscription if you must, and find a sex therapist that has dealt with porn obsessions and how to restore the sex for between the two of you.


Or, if you see this as a dealbreaker then that is your choice too. Either way any problem is fixable if its what you both truly want.


----------



## Caribbean Man

This is not simple. 
The more pressure you put on him the more he will deny it.
He may not be gay. He might just be curious . The internet is filled with all sorts of porn categories.
But you are here specifically because of your discovery.
Maybe you need to search some more and see if he is ONLY into gay porn. If he looks at other categories ,then he might be just curious about gay porn.
If its just gay porn , then there may be problems.
But in your opinion, has the sex changed between you two? If so, how ?


----------



## thunderstruck

Song said:


> What am I doing wrong?


What are YOU doing wrong? Unless you're taking the blame for this mess, I don't see where you've done wrong. He is a liar. He is a cheater. He has crossed lines and disrespected your marriage MULTIPLE times. If I found out that my W had posted n*de pics at a hook-up site, I'd race to the phone to call a lawyer.

Do you see any reason to continue in this marriage? Can you believe one word that comes out of his mouth? You should head to the infidelity section of this site, and let the experts over there chime in.


----------



## C123

Yeah, gay or straight, it doesn't really matter. He's cheated on you. That is a fact.

Either he's willing to work with you on making your marriage a stronger bond and he's willing to do everything he can to regain your trust, or he's not. If he's not willing to stop cheating on you, then you really should leave him.

This is no different that if he was going to massage parlors or getting hookers.

The gay/straight thing isn't the most important part of your story, although it is a big part of it. I think he's gay, Lon doesn't. Who knows for sure but him. The most important aspect of your story is that he's cheated and that has to be dealt with.


----------



## sculley

Are there molestation problems in the past? The only way to maybe find out would be to snoop....


----------



## Paulination

Many may disagree with me on this but I don't believe a man can be "bi-curious". If he is curious, then he is at least bi-sexual. I feel men are much more definitive when it comes to their sexuality. If you are straight, the thought of watching another man masturbate is disgusting.


----------



## sisters359

Why are you even conflicted after what he has told you? Put on your big girl panties and face reality: you have a sh*tty sex life with a man who prefers porn and/or gay porn to you. He may be gay, he may have a porn addiction, or both. 

This sounds pretty unsatisfying to me, but maybe you are ok with it. Do you feel like you "should" be aghast, or are you reall aghast? Honestly, if my ex had been willing to continue a loveless, no-sex marriage and let me sleep with other men while he slept with other women, I'd probably have been ok with it. Ok, not really; I couldn't stand living with his slobby ways--worse than you can imagine. 

BUT, my point is, if you are unhappy with the lack of sex and feel betrayed, act on it. Decide what YOU want out of marriage and evaluate, maybe in concert with him, whether he can give it to you. If not, you can divorce. 

There is no crime in wanting to get a divorce when your needs aren't being met and you know your spouse has cheated. If kids were involved, you might want to give it a shot with counseling, but it might still end up in divorce. That's ok.


----------



## thunderstruck

Song said:


> He did tell me that he msturbated online with men/cammed with them ~ but only because he couldn't find a female.
> 
> And that's all he admits to: camming with her and 7 men. So... if he was satisfied by msturbating online with me and not having sx with me.


The webcam needs to go. I'd take a hammer to it, with him watching. If he protests, tell him to pick...you or the cam.

His straight/gay excuses are pathetic, and total BS. I can't imagine thinking, "Well, no girls around, so I guess I'll just go grab me some hairy guy lovin' instead." Give me a FN break.


----------



## COguy

All I needed was the 2nd sentence. He likes to watch guys jerk off? He's gay....... or at least bi.

Sorry...


----------



## In_The_Wind

Song said:


> Thanks for the help/advice, Calla. I appreciate it.
> 
> He has told me that he likes to watch men masturbate online.
> I feel so much about our marriage is odd now since I accidentally discovered his secret life online. His words, secret life, not mine.
> 
> This accidental discovery ~ Dday ~ was over two years ago and I feel a general disconnect with him now that comes and goes.
> 
> For some reason, call it intuition, whatever, I decided to look through an old hotmail account of his. I haven't done this in probably over a year and I found when doing a cursory email search a notify email there to a site called abadboy.com
> 
> When I googled it, I saw that it was like a CL for gay men. I suppose the best way to describe it was that it's kind of like the classifieds for gays and married men to find/hook-up with each other.
> 
> Why would this even be remotely connected to his email?
> 
> I asked him about it and of course he denies any knowledge of it and even wonders how it got there.
> 
> All I know is I never get this kind of spam in my inbox.
> But he does.
> 
> My intuition is telling me that he's conflicted, that he's done something ~ i.e. hook-up with another guy ~ but will never admit it to me.
> 
> There are other things, like his sex drive. But that's another long story.
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> I wonder if I'm being paranoid....
> This is why I'm hoping someone, anyone, maybe another married man might give me a clue gun.
> 
> Something....


yes believe your intuition he sounds confused actually


----------



## PBear

No offense to those who have been cheated on before. But it's not that hard to find a dance partner, even as a 42 year old married man. If he wanted to find a female for whatever purpose (web camming, sex, etc), he could likely have. Unless he's a complete troll, and even then I suspect he would just have to lower his sights a bit.

As a straight guy, I have no desire to watch another guy masturbating.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Song

I've read the comments that you guys have written to me here and wow, thank you for sharing your impressions with me! I felt so lost and bewildered when I posted earlier ~ could you tell? ~ and while I don't exactly feel better about my marriage now, I do feel that I need to think about things. 

And re-evaluate our relationship.

I feel like I am at a dead-end in our marriage because of his dishonesty issues, his lying. He claims he isn't lying to me any longer, nor is he watching porn any more or creating profiles at the online dating websites. 

But I don't believe him. And how would I even know? He lies!

It has taken me over two years to get to this point of distrust. I trusted him implicitly and never questioned him about anything he did, ever, ever, ever and now I believe this is how he got away with the lying and cheating for so long. And when he claimed to be too tired for sex or too stressed, well, I believed him. 

To think that he replaced me with masturbating online with men while watching porn is sad to me. I pretty much had to beg him to have sex. I think this shows such disrespect for our marriage. 

That being said...

I am so conflicted because after Dday, we had the most incredible sex ~ one, two, even three times a day for six months straight. I loved it. And so did he. 

But now? 

We are back to.... nothing. And I don't want to be in a sexless marriage. So I'm getting the feeling that something is up with him.

I don't know. And the idea that he hasn't really confessed the extent of his so-called secret life to me makes me think our marriage is doomed because he's living a lie. 

Any thoughts? Do you guys think like PB that he was camming online with women but just figures it's better to say he was with men to muddle the issue or something?

Has anyone here been down this road?


----------



## COguy

Song said:


> Any thoughts? Do you guys think like PB that he was camming online with women but just figures it's better to say he was with men to muddle the issue or something?
> 
> Has anyone here been down this road?


No way, he's definitely gay (or bi, whatever). No straight dude would ever admit to liking to watch dudes get off. I mean I wouldn't even think about that as an option.

Has anyone been down this road? Not with this specifically, but I found out my wife lied to me over our 8 year life the entire time. She cheated on me in October and had been lying the entire time of R about what she'd been doing, thinking, feeling, etc. So in a sense, yes I know what it feels like to have everything you thought was true in a marriage turn out to be a lie. And to not be able to believe anything your spouse says.

Sorry for that, I know it sucks but it's for the best that you find out now. Don't waste your life trying to revive a corpse. Your marriage is not what you thought it was and it never will be.


----------



## Grayson

Song said:


> He also claims that despite spending literally hundreds of hours online in the chat rooms that he could never find a woman to cam with him.
> ...
> He did tell me that he masturbated online with men/cammed with them ~ but only because he couldn't find a female.
> 
> Well, he did find one female ~ the one I discovered in his secret email account on Dday.
> 
> And that's all he admits to: camming with her and 7 men. So... if he was satisfied by masturbating online with me and not having sex with me... is he gay? Bi? What?
> 
> He claims he's straight.


Not out of the realm of possibility. In the past, I've visited, shall we say, adult oriented chat sites, and te male-to-female ratio is indeed very uneven. For some people who indulge in camming, it's less about the voyeuristic aspect than the exhibitionist aspect...they don't really care what gender the other person is, they're turned on by the knowledge that what they're showing is turning someone - anyone - on.

In addition, I think there's a bit of a problem with just using the identifiers "straight" or "gay"...or even throwing "bi" into the mix. I find that the Kinsey scale more accurately reflects a broader spectrum of human sexuality, with it's scale of 0 (100% heterosexual) to 6 (100% homosexual). From my perspective, if someone is predominantly attracted to the opposite sex, if their experiences with the same sex are quite limited, it's still possible they might (using those three labels) consider themselves to be straight. To put it this way, I've had experiences with another guy. It was 20+ years ago, with no emotional attachment, directly resulting from convenient circumstance, no advance intent to indulge in sexual activity on either of our parts. As a result, I can appreciate a guy's attractiveness, but I've never sought a guy out. My primary attractions in the abstract (by a long shot) have been to women and all of my attractions for actual relationships have been with women. As such, with the three labels, I consider myself straight, while on the Kinsey scale, I'd put myself at a 1, which is described as "Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Song

Time for me to just put my big girl panties on and face reality ~ one way or the other, I think.

Reading all of your commentary has given me a lot to think about. 

I really don't see going down the gay porn route with him. I don't see what that would do. Porn makes me feel sad about so many things. I just don't see any beauty and wonder of sexuality there in the imagery. 

My husband's use of porn, the thousands of wasted hours watching it along with his chatting and secret life destroyed our marriage. 

Another story for another day.

In the end, I just don't know if he can be honest with himself or me and if we can rebuild our marriage. How do you rebuild without honesty and trust?

I feel betrayed by the man I loved most in this world and you know what really kills me? I thought we were so in love. He professed his undying love for me daily! We didn't argue. I can count on one hand the number of times we ever argued. I really adored him and loved every bone in his body and trusted him beyond measure and just... coddled him and tried to help and listen to him and encourage him in whatever he was doing. He could do no wrong. I believed in him and his dreams. I was his greatest cheerleader. 

And yet: he cheated.

His reason?

In his words, this is what he told me: I took you for granted.

Oh, one more thing: I found prostitution websites on my computer, but he said he only looked.

The more I write here, the more the story just unravels....


----------



## Readytogo

thunderstruck said:


> Very sorry you're having to deal with this pain, but no clue gun here. I can tell you that as a straight/married guy, I would have zero interest in sites like that. I'll repeat that you need to snoop on him...keylogger, GPS and VAR in his car. Hopefully he's just looking, and hasn't acted on any of this.
> 
> One other thing. Each city usually has a hook up place for stuff like stuff. Usually it's a run down and wooded park. We have one here. Guys go at lunch, and disappear into the woods. I know this, b/c police stings are always busting some minister, politician, teacher, etc. I don't know...maybe find out if your H goes to a place like this (GPS in his car)?



wow, this is helpful - as my husband not only has a gay friends for years who lives in our city. My husband has worked nights for years - AND I've learned he takes off during the night while I'm asleep. I've thought of his friend and him sometimes. But thought noooo....I'll have to think about these hook up places too. New info to me. Thx
He's recently watched the clock and would take off at 11:30 pm, to our local liquor store for something stupid and it would take an hour to come home, my son would call him on his cell - asking "where are you?" His reply; "washing my car." But he came back with a dirty car. So where was he for an hour that night ? and all the other nights he goes off. This is interesting. Assumed it might be a girlfriend....


----------



## Chris Taylor

You know what he is doing.

The only question is whether (a) he will change, (b) you can live with him like this.

There are some groups you can join for support and if you PM me I can give you the list.


----------



## COguy

Readytogo said:


> wow, this is helpful - as my husband not only has a gay friends for years who lives in our city. My husband has worked nights for years - AND I've learned he takes off during the night while I'm asleep. I've thought of his friend and him sometimes. But thought noooo....I'll have to think about these hook up places too. New info to me. Thx
> He's recently watched the clock and would take off at 11:30 pm, to our local liquor store for something stupid and it would take an hour to come home, my son would call him on his cell - asking "where are you?" His reply; "washing my car." But he came back with a dirty car. So where was he for an hour that night ? and all the other nights he goes off. This is interesting. Assumed it might be a girlfriend....


Wow, you definitely didn't post that on TAM, you would have had insta-confirmation on what your husband is really doing.


----------



## thunderstruck

Readytogo - one of my closest friends is gay, and I'm 100% straight. Your H might be gay, but I wouldn't base that just on him having a gay friend. My friend lives many states away, so we never get together. I'm sure we would hang out a little if he lived near me.

More importantly...your H's other "activities" are screaming red flags. You need to snoop on his azz. GPS/VAR in his car. Maybe next time he pulls that 1130 pm crap, you offer to go instead, and/or come along for the ride. Sorry to hear.


----------



## MrK

He's gay. Of that I have no doubt. He went on gay hook-up sites. He has probably met up with men. You two need to have a SERIOUS conversation. As soon as he starts denying and not talking, you pick up your bag and tell him where he can find you as soon as he wants to talk.


----------



## Readytogo

thunderstruck said:


> Readytogo - one of my closest friends is gay, and I'm 100% straight. Your H might be gay, but I wouldn't base that just on him having a gay friend. My friend lives many states away, so we never get together. I'm sure we would hang out a little if he lived near me.
> 
> More importantly...your H's other "activities" are screaming red flags. You need to snoop on his azz. GPS/VAR in his car. Maybe next time he pulls that 1130 pm crap, you offer to go instead, and/or come along for the ride. Sorry to hear.



Yeah. I'm not jumping to conclusions on the gay thing. I'm getting a tracker this week. He's had affairs before and they were with women. 2 I know of. I've sometimes wondered if he was bi too) But either way, I dont want to be with someone whose sneaky and lying. I'm just wanting out of my marriage becuase of abuse and control. Kids are grown, ready to move on and be happy. I'm affraid and just want amo so I can for sure tell him to leave me the frick alone so I can live in peace. Long story. 
I should post my story - when I have time to write in private I'll try to write out my story if anyone interested and can lend some support. Friendship - sure would be nice.


----------



## anonim

Lon said:


> Buy him a realistic looking dildo as a gift and see his first reaction when he opens it.


bad idea. what if he isnt gay/bi? you just created a monster issue


----------



## sculley

anonim said:


> bad idea. what if he isnt gay/bi? you just created a monster issue


well she could play it off like a gag gift he seems to be the extra freaky type...??


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

Song said:


> C123,
> 
> Yes, he told me posted naked pics of himself online at two sites but removed them after a week because it he felt bad about doing that.
> 
> He also claims that despite spending literally hundreds of hours online in the chat rooms that he could never find a woman to cam with him.
> 
> He's a writer. He's funny. He's a liar. He must have found someone over the years. But he claims it was hard to find any women to chat or cam with.
> 
> Really? How could this be?
> 
> So... I feel duped.
> 
> I have tried to talk with him, but he professes undying love and yet... he never really wanted to make love to me for years. At one point, I asked him to see a doctor for testosterone ~ something, anything.
> 
> This was before I knew about his porn/chatting/webcam habit.
> 
> He did tell me that he masturbated online with men/cammed with them ~ but only because he couldn't find a female.
> 
> Well, he did find one female ~ the one I discovered in his secret email account on Dday.
> 
> And that's all he admits to: camming with her and 7 men. So... if he was satisfied by masturbating online with me and not having sex with me... is he gay? Bi? What?
> 
> He claims he's straight.


There may be more signs. Go through his text logs. Also on your computer, go the the "Start" menu then "search" then a box will pop up. click on the "pictures, music, video" click on each individually. Leaving the file name blank click the "search". This will find all of the photos, videos, etc on your computer, regardless of where he may have hid them. 

And yes, I do believe your husband is a closet gay. HIV is rampant in the gay community so you need to research quickly.


----------



## seek2kno

They all sound like possibilities. More so than preference or orientation, it also sounds to me like whichever that he is sexually addicted/compulsive given that there are so many variations and types of people and activity involved.


----------



## MegD

Idk about other guys, but my H would rather use his imagination or Idk... One of the MILLION live porn feeds and videos of women than EVER "cum with a man" ... This may be a bit skewed as my husband is so strait he only watches lesbian porn, but I'd say your husband is at least bisexual... 

At the very least he's crossed the line with that webcam. Unless you are in a more open marriage, you have the ability to do the same thing, AND this has been previously discussed, which I'm not thinking he has since he didn't just tell you...


----------



## Saddened by my man

Anyone out there that can give some more advice on whether my husband is bi-sexual after 33 years of marriage..........I am so confused and upset at this point in my marriage. The issue is an underlying issue that is taking my marriage to a level of such deceit by him I don't really know what to do or how to act anymore. Do I continue having sex with him, or stop it? I have not asked him because there is no way in hell that he will ever be honest with me. He would never fess up to being gay or bi.......His job takes him out of town once a month and I have just recently stumbled across internet history that makes me believe (along with other things) that he has been unfaithful for at least 2 years.......be it with men or women. I am so hurt and confused!!!!!


----------



## Chris Taylor

If you are sure about it, then talk to him about it. Don't ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no. Ask open-ended questions that already assume he's bisexual.

For example, if you ask "are you bisexual", his answer will be "no". Instead, ask "I realize you are bisexual. How long do you think you've felt this way?" Ask in a non-judgmental way so he doesn't go into a defensive posture. After the dialog starts you can then discuss how far into it he is, what he has been exposed to and what to do about it.


----------



## droll

Ask him in a good way to know the truth. How long you have been thinking that he's gay.


----------



## sculley

Honestly speaking from experience you really won't know. I know for me the only sign I got was him wanting to do certain things in bed then I found emails that sort of sealed it for me. One thing I thought was odd though was the fact that he looked so disgusted if anything was said to him about it and it was before he knew that I knew about the emails. If they want to hide it from you.....They will and very well and the amount of sex definitely is not a sign


----------



## hookares

If you see while with your husband, what you consider to be a very attractive guy, ask your husband if he thinks the guy is a "knockout" too. His response should be : "how the hell would I know"? This would indicate he's not into guys.


----------



## EleGirl

anonim said:


> bad idea. what if he isnt gay/bi? you just created a monster issue


So what? He has refused sex with the OP for a long time. Doesn't change anything for her.


----------

