# my wifes past and effect of it on my relationship



## maaza_mast (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi All,

A little info about me, i am from India to be specific southern part of India but currently living in US.

I have been married for 2 months now. Since it was arranged process from conservative cultures, we talked a lot via emails and phones and met two to three times before we got married.

my wife is a nice person.There are lot of qualities i like about her and its still 2 months, so am still learning. She is also from india and she is here in US from 4years.

It took some time for her to open up.but she did open up and told me about her past relationship before our wedding.

She had this relationship for 4 long years in past and ended just 2months before she met me first time.This relationship as put to me never got physical and shez done with them. However i had some doubts coz she used to say lot of good things about her ex nature and they spent together 10days in a hotel.

Today morning she forgot to sign out her email, MY FAULT for which I have caused more SUFFERING TO MYSELF, i sniffed around in her email and found that shez really done with her relationship post our marriage however she did have physical relation with this guy. I now feel very very betrayed. Also i came to know that he broke up with my wife. My wife was very serious about him and she attempted suicide.


1. I feel that i have been cheated and dont know how to react, please suggest or advice me how to get over it.

2. Is it really possible that she ever forgets him because she was ready to give her life for him. I mean is it possible that she got over that strong bond and feelings with him. I am pretty sure that they both are NOT in touch after the breakup.

any help would help.

I appreciate your patience in reading this post.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I'm a bit lost here. Probably by the way you worded your message. Are you upset that your wife did indeed have sex with this guy or that it appears that her relationship hadn't ended until AFTER your marriage?

Its not uncommen for women to "water-down" their sexual past when they meet a new lover. I mean do you really want to know about the 1 night stands she had as a teenager? And what little i know about your culture, certain pre-marital activities are frown upon anyway, so it was in her best interest to tell you what you wanted to hear. Now you did your snooping ( which was wrong ) and you managed to dig up some dirt. But at what cost? You've violated her trust very early in your marriage, and you've gained very little. She had feelings for this guy before you, and it will take some time for it to go a way, but most importantly, she married you. As long as she isn't currently talking to this guy, i saw you abandon this quest and move on and be happy.


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## maaza_mast (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks so much for your response. Sorry that i am not very clear. In my culture, pre martial sex is considered wrong. She hid it from me thats why i feel that i have been cheated. I am pretty sure that she was in only one relationship. 


My questions are

1. Is it really possible that she forgets him considering she was ready to die for him at one point of time in her life?

2. I feel that i have been cheated, how to get over this bad feeling and start loving her.


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