# I dont think I can



## USMCWife (Feb 6, 2009)

I don't feel like I can drag this marriage on much longer. I'm so young and never thought I would be married so young much less thinking seriously about divorce. I love my husband, I've never stopped. But I feel like he carried along an ugly yellow suitcase that didn't get reared until months in.

I miscarried 4 months after we married. It was hard, But I think I could have probably gotten over it quickly. 2 months later his ex girlfriend calls. She said he fathered her child. And though it broke my heart, I still didn't leave. One year later, I miscarried again. This time getting more angrily hurt than previously. 

Why would God do this to me? How is it that another woman could carry my husbands child but I can't? Why didn't I know he had a child before I married him? Why am I not strong enough to deal with this anymore? 

I'm having a breakdown. I don't even know if I want to work this out. Maybe I'm just angry. I'm so jealous of other couples. They have problems like debt, or not enough family time. Those problems can be fixed. How do you fix a child coming into the world that is your husbands and not yours? 

I love that little girl. But as someone elses child... I don't know what to do anymore... someone please help...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

USMCWife said:


> I love that little girl. But as someone elses child... I don't know what to do anymore... someone please help...


Do you have regular contact with the child?


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## USMCWife (Feb 6, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Do you have regular contact with the child?



Yes for 2 weeks out of the month...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

USMCWife said:


> Why would God do this to me? How is it that another woman could carry my husbands child but I can't?


Would this be the same God that has provided you with a child in your life, while you are unable to carry to term?

OK, I know that's an off the wall viewpoint, but maybe just maybe you have more abundance in your life than you realised.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

hi im so sorry for the pain you have been through , for some reason no one tells you how hard it is to concieve and carry a child full term , ive had 4 misscarriages and a stillbirth and the pain still hurts from each. what i can tell you is there is always hope i now have 2 fantastic boys and 2 adopted wonderful girls. you have been blessed with a little girl to love and cherrish ,she may not be your biological daughter but she will look at you for love and to feel safe embrace that.
In time you may have your own child but be happy for what you already have


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

I am sorry for what you have gone through....I can't imagine the loss or the pain.
I do however question why the pain of that wants you to get a divorce. Did you H lie, or try to protect you? Is he a good husband? If you are still in love that sounldn't be an issue.
Are you getting support emotionally for your miscarriages?


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## USMCWife (Feb 6, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Would this be the same God that has provided you with a child in your life, while you are unable to carry to term?
> 
> OK, I know that's an off the wall viewpoint, but maybe just maybe you have more abundance in your life than you realised.


I guess its a little hard to see it that way when we have the childs mother interfering in our life all the time. The reason we never knew about the child is because she told him she was on birth control, then later confessed she wasn't.

Do you know what its like to have a money grubbing woman calling all the time and trying to take your mate?


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## USMCWife (Feb 6, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> hi im so sorry for the pain you have been through , for some reason no one tells you how hard it is to concieve and carry a child full term , ive had 4 misscarriages and a stillbirth and the pain still hurts from each. what i can tell you is there is always hope i now have 2 fantastic boys and 2 adopted wonderful girls. you have been blessed with a little girl to love and cherrish ,she may not be your biological daughter but she will look at you for love and to feel safe embrace that.
> In time you may have your own child but be happy for what you already have


I wish I would have known that not all pregnancies last before I got pregnant. I mean, I knew in a way that things happened, but you never think "wow, that could happen to me" until it does. I do love her, but her mother is in the picture and will always be in the picture. I know that sounds bad, but not finding out until after we were married for a bit almost feels like betrayal still...


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## USMCWife (Feb 6, 2009)

TGolbus said:


> I am sorry for what you have gone through....I can't imagine the loss or the pain.
> I do however question why the pain of that wants you to get a divorce. Did you H lie, or try to protect you? Is he a good husband? If you are still in love that sounldn't be an issue.
> Are you getting support emotionally for your miscarriages?


Mainly its hard to know that he fathers a child from someone else that I didnt know about prior to marrying him. Having a child only half the time makes things hard. We cannot place her in daycare because those spaces are held for children who will be there full time. My job is in jeopardy because we have no one to watch her just a couple of hours a day 2 weeks a month. Living in a military town couples split, and people move constantly so we don't really know anyone who doesnt work. I wanted to go to school. But now I cannot due to these issues. And I'm angry. I know I shouldnt be, but its been quite a while since I found out and I can't seem to bring myself to forgive him completely. I'm tired of the 6 hour drives to pick her up then another 6 to bring her here. Then 2 weeks later another 12 hours in the car. I don't feel like I can take anymore of it. 

Maybe its selfish but I need to have a life too. I feel like the only way I'm ever going to be able to do that is alone....


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I can understand your anger and frustration ,you have all been through so much.
Good marriages go through lots of good times and loads of bad times its what makes being together special. you need to talk your issues through with your husband.
I dont think its a issue about how long your in the car. I think you have to grieve for what you have been through in order for you all to move fowards. Having a misscarriage hurts badly and no one wants to talk about why you want to just cry or scream when there are no words to describe how much you are hurting and how you feel like you have failed.

I can tell you whislt you cant forget you learn to cope and handle the hurt it does become easier. Please make sure you are getting emotional support for you misscarriages first before you rush into leaving and being alone.


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