# My girlfriend says I'm not serious enough



## Jrock (Dec 11, 2011)

I realize this is a marriage forum technically and hoping that it's ok that I post even though I'm no longer married. Me and my girlfriend have been together several months now. She has two daughters that adore me. One has openly said I should marry her mother and the other says as far as she's concerned I'm her father. These two girls mean a lot to me obviously. Me and my girlfriend have what I thought was a very good relationship. We have minor arguments like any relationship does. We were talking about moving in together not even two weeks ago. A few days ago I came over after work as usual. (I stay there more than I do here) and my girlfriend was in kind of a bad mood. I asked what was wrong and after a few times of asking she finally said that I'm not serious enough and talking about how she likes to have serious intelligent conversations. She said we have them here and there but she wants that more often. I agreed and gave her my thoughts which is that I think we miss when each other are wanting those kind of talks because we like to throw in jokes here and there. She says that only having a small amount of intellectual conversations is our only real problem and everything else is really good overall. My thoughts is we talk seriously quite often just not about things such as politics and such which she knows I don't follow. She said she has to talk to some of her friends for debates and such. She said that she feels that I get along so easily with the girls because they allow me to just be me and that I have to be a little more serious when it's just us two. Which I tried to explain to her that the girls being fairly young (11 & 13) I can't really be quite as serious with them and that I feel that my girlfriend gets more of my personality. She's also a little upset that when i get there I talk to her for a bit then the girls hear that I'm there and they want to talk to me which lasts maybe about 30 minutes and they filter off to do their own thing and the rest of the night I'm with her. So I'm really confused on what to do here. She says she's been diagnosed as bipolar but because she hates western medicine refuses to take any kind of medication to control her mood swings. I stayed the night last night as usual and early this morning she asked me to leave because she needed a day to herself (which I understood). I feel that my girlfriend gets more of my time than anyone else in the house and do my best to give her my undivided attention. I really truly care a lot about my girlfriend and the girls and the thought of the relationship ending is really making my stomach knot up. I'm at a loss on what to do to be honest. It's a brief description but that's the points she's made to be. If more information is needed I'll do my best to try to expand but that's pretty much the basics of it. To me the answer is pretty obvious. I feel we just need to say hey I want to talk about this when something is on our minds. I tried to communicate that to her and she's acted like she didn't even hear me on it.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I had the same problem with my H for awhile. He always joked around. Something I realized is that I wanted him to talk about stuff like politics and other serious stuff not because I actually cared about it but because i didnt feel very close to him. i was trying to force closeness. Even if my H had of started talking about that stuff with me, which he never did, I dont think i would have been satisfied. What i wanted was the loving feeling that we had in the beginning. Now that I have that love and closeness back I dont push the issue with talking about serious things. Although, my H has stepped it up and he now reads books with me. We get to talk about them together which I really enjoy. I do feel closer to him when he does that.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Ummmm, a few red flags here. First, to move in with a woman with kids after dating for a few months is irresponsible, in my opinion. You don't know her well enough after a few months of dating. Try a YEAR, than you will have a better idea of the longevity of the relationship. You aren't the dad of these girls and it is not fair to them to get super involved if your relationship isn't going to last.

Second issue - she is bipolar. Do you have any idea how difficult this mental illness is to deal with? Again, you seem to be ignoring a lot of major issues and jumping in without any thought to who might get hurt if and when you realize this relationship maybe isn't going well.

As far as your girlfriend's complaint, I think it is concerning. If she is unhappy with your intellectual capacity now, it will only get worse over time. Maybe you aren't intellectual enough for her. Maybe she's just using it as an excuse to keep distance. Maybe she's just unstable right now.

Look before you leap, especially with kids involved.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She is fool to bring any man around her daughters after just many months. Not saying you will harm them but if things don't work out with you and she, then what? She was very irresponsible for allowing her children to get attached to someone, imo, without a promise of marriage before moving in.

That being said, I can already tell you that this relationship is in trouble. She is jealous of her daughters' time with you and that won't get any better. 

Mix that with the fact that she finds you boring (no offense, but that is what she's saying), and it spells out disaster.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

biggest issue i see is that she is bipolar. my wife is bipolar. i can tell you now that if you really want to be with this woman, you have a long and tough road ahead of you. i actually enjoy facing the challenges that my wifes condition throws at me, but very few people have the patience to deal with the constant emotional rollercoaster. just something you should think about, bipolar causes her to think emotionaly, which means that what she feels now is usually going to be more important than what might happen in the future. thus, consequences tend to be ignored.
furthermore, those emotions that rule her are skewed by unbalanced chemicals in her brain. 

just something to think about.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have any idea what you are getting into with a relationship with a bi-polar woman? There is a good chance that at least one of her children will have inhereted the mental illness.

She is jealous of her daughters. She's acting like she's on a low now. It could get a lot deeper.

I agree with the others as well, your relationship with girls right now is wrong as well. You are not their father. Where is their father? How much of the time are they with him?

You need to think long an hard about this relationship. I could ruin your life to put it mildly.


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