# fallen out of love...



## southerngirl210 (Jul 30, 2011)

plain and simple, im not in love with my husband anymore. after years and years of him threatening to kill himself and the emotional/verbal abuse, ive found myself resenting him. after we FINALLY went through counseling and he acknowledged what hed been doing to me, he did start changing his ways. but when we do fight now, he goes back to the mean, hateful, disrespectful things he always said. which, in turn, have caused me not to have any desire for him to even touch me. i tense up when he even hugs me. rarely have sex bc i just dont want it with him (bc of all of this, but thats another issue). 

i love the man. but not like a wife should love a husband. not like i once loved him. not like he deserves to be loved. we are both in our early 30s, both each others only real relationship. im not interested in anyone else. i just feel stuck and need some advice... maybe different perspectives so i can look at things in a different way...?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well what do you want? 

Do you want a divorce or do you want to be married?


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## southerngirl210 (Jul 30, 2011)

idk. married, i think. i just dont wanna be in a marriage like this. i know its me, i just dont know if i can change. i love him. i do care about him. but i dont know how to express it or if i even want to anymore.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Honestly, you need him to take the lead on this. How long have you been in counseling? Your issues are very similar to ours except you are my wife. Does your husband have a mentor or support group outside of therapy? We fixed a ton of my behavioral attributes in therapy, however, the true heart change comes through manly mentorship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southerngirl210 (Jul 30, 2011)

we've been in counseling off and on for a year. he does not have any mentor or anything outside of it. neither of us do. which is why im here. i realize after being in therapy, its not all him (which i blamed him for tons bc of the threats), but at the same time, i do believe if it wasnt for all of that, i wouldnt feel the way i feel now. its a hard spot to be in


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

southerngirl210 said:


> we've been in counseling off and on for a year. he does not have any mentor or anything outside of it. neither of us do. which is why im here. i realize after being in therapy, its not all him (which i blamed him for tons bc of the threats), but at the same time, i do believe if it wasnt for all of that, i wouldnt feel the way i feel now. its a hard spot to be in


I he open to seeking help. I guess, does he understand the gravity of the situation and is he actively looking for ways to fix him? There is hope for you guys, but it largely depends on his commitment level. We have been in therapy 10 months and my wife is right where you are. It is all coming to light that my wife contributed to our situation. I almost "feels" like a standstill. It means that both of you have changed some things behaviorally. Now it is time for the heart to change. First him, then you. Are you guys christian?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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