# My Story



## Cmonty2 (11 mo ago)

I have been with my husband for almost 18 years. We have been married for 13 of those 18 years. it has been a pretty rocky relationship. we have 4 amazing children together. it was a pretty intense start for us, we met online and talked through instant messenger. we talked all night that way and then it turned into phone calls all night and then after 5 months of that, we met in person. he lived 2 hours away from where I lived. it was amazing he was everything I ever wanted in a person. he was loving and sweet and kind. the night we met in person he asked me to marry him like 4 times. I told him no because it was too soon. on one of the other times he came out to see me he gave me a promise ring and promised to love me forever. one day he decided that he wanted me to go out and meet his family so by august of that year after we had been talking since January I went to meet his family. I went to where he lived 3 times and on the 3rd time, we decided that I would stay. fast forward 2 years into our relationship we had a 2-year-old son and things got rocky. he started leaving me to hang out with friends all the time, his friends didn't like me so I was forced to sit at home or even sit in the car as he hung out with them. every time I was at work he would leave our son with his mom and wouldn't care for him. I found out that he was cheating on me at that time with his friend's girlfriend's sister. we talked and he said sorry and that it would never happen again and that he really loved me and that they had tricked him into it because they didn't like me. I was only 19 at the time and this was my first serious relationship so I forgave him and we worked things out. we found out not long after that that I was pregnant with our second kid. that was also about the time he put his hands on me the first time. he accused me of cheating on him and that the baby I was carrying wasn't his. we got into a huge fight and I went to smash the tv and he grabbed me and threw me on the floor and started choking me asking me if I wanted to meet Jesus. I forgave him for that too because according to him the thought of another man touching me made his blood boil. we went on and had our kid, and things went on. he always had a habit of making a point of being friends with females only. we would fight about t all the time because I didn't trust him. around 2 years ago he cheated on me again. I found out because he was disappearing all the time and he was acting shady. this was after he had made friends with this one girl we will call her B. at this point he and b were really good friends and I was friends with her too and I helped get her a job at the place I was working and she blew that job. we all got so close over the past few years. she became like a best friend to me. we talked about everything. she knew stuff about me that I hadn't told people. this past year was the worse. they got so close and he would spend all his time with her and he would disappear with her. they pretty much have been having an affair for a while and I was trying to think that it wasn't going on. I knew it and I got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and tried to kill myself over it, I was in the hospital for 4 days. I got out of the hospital and he admitted to me that the night that I tried to kill myself they had gone off on the ATV and had sex for the first time. they would drive off on our ATV all the time and be gone for hours. he left me for a chance to be with her in August, he was gone for a month sleeping on her mom's couch because that's where she lived with her boyfriend. she didn't throw her boyfriend out like they had planned and so after a month she got tired of my husband being there so she threw him out. he came back to me and I told him we could work on things and it was all good for a while. he said he wasn't talking to her at all and things were great. then after a few weeks, he had a talk with me about how upset she was and how she missed us and missed me and how in love she was with me and she wanted me in her life. I told him that I would try to be friends with her again because I missed her too. so we tried to hang out a few times and it was just hard. they spent all October working the haunted house together and he would be gone all night most weekends. then I knew it was getting bad because we would fight about it all the time. we always fought about her, that's all we ever fought about was her and how much time he was with her and how I knew he was lying about when he got out of the haunted house and stuff. well, he left me again on November 1st to be with her, this time they were in an actual relationship. I started hanging with friends and trying to move on with my life. I filed for divorce and had him served on November 21st. well a couple of weeks into December he came back to me telling me how much he loved me and missed me and how leaving me was the worst mistake of his life. he begged and pleaded for me to take him back. he cried and told me all this stuff about how she was pregnant with his kid back in September and he is pretty sure that she aborted it. and how 2 weeks into their relationship in November she had cheated on him with a group of guys and how she hurt him and messed up his head so bad. I told him that i needed time to think about if I wanted us to get back together. he didn't give me much time and then 2 weeks after he came back he started to disappear again. said he was going u to the lake and needed time to think. he would ignore my calls and get super pissed off and me telling me how he needed to be alone sometimes. well now they are back together and they are doing everything they can to rub it in my face. they post all over social media and he spends all his time with her when he isn't at work, he doesn't talk to his kids or even see them. he treats them as if they don't exist. his whole world is her and her 2 kids. he got pissed off at me because I shut off her cell phone. he got pissed at me because I wouldn't do his laundry. I just shut off his phone too. and now they are supposedly engaged and posting all over his Snapchat about how in love they are and all this stuff, but she doesn't post anything on hers at all. he flat out told me that our divorce will not get finalized at all. I feel like they are trying to drive me to kill myself.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

See a lawyer and learn your rights. Look after yourself and your children. Talk to the police about the physical abuse.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You need help. You both need to not do violent things. Next time he does something violent you need to call the police. The children should not be in the home with you if you are going to act like this together. 

You have a chaotic relationship that is not working. You probably both need psychological help judging by the way you're both acting. 

You need to get some help, some real help. Don't stay with someone violent even if you too are violent. No good can come of it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Girl you need to take charge of your life and get him and B out of it Immediately. Get away from the physical and emotional abusers right now.

Protect yourself with lawyers and police reports as others mentioned.
And find a counselor for yourself yesterday!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cmonty2 said:


> he flat out told me that our divorce will not get finalized at all. I feel like they are trying to drive me to kill myself.


How are you doing @Cmonty2 ?
Are you taking steps to remove the POS & B from your life?
Did you delete Snapchat?
Have scheduled appointments with a counselor & lawyer?
Please take steps to protect you and your kids, and get out of the horrible situation.
At a bare minimum you need a lot of distance from them so you can think clearly.

I don't think he can actually stop a divorce. It will happen with or without his involvement as long as you are resolute (I'm assuming you are in US like your flag says).

Keep posting your thoughts here and lots of smart people will help you.


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## Cmonty2 (11 mo ago)

as of feb 1st i left the house we were living in and I'm now at my mom's house with my kids. i removed the from snapchat so I don't see anything that they post. friends of our that do say that they only post on his stuff and nothing on her stuff at all. I've gone completely no contact with him at all. as of now we are safe and sound.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

This is terrible. Can you please speak to someone and actually tell them, ‘I am scared he wants me to kill myself’, especially any medical professionals you are working with. I believe you when you say this.

How supportive and safe is your mother? Sometimes we can have parents who were also abusive, so I hope that your mother is a loving mother, and not the type of woman who will team up with this monster.

You’re not going to kill your self. Your husband is the one on a path of destruction, not you. He’s escaping those feelings and dreading his own downfall, and it’s coming, it is. That is not your story ok? Believe that you’re going to be the survivor here. So if you yourself are engaging in anything destructive to your mind and body, you stop. And if you can’t stop, you tell your family to MAKE you stop. People on a path of destruction want to take others down. Guilt, shame, worthlessness, and suicidal feelings - these emotions are going to be handed back where they long. Logically look at this - your husband has been chasing low-quality women and cannot function in a healthy way at all. So why should you feel suicidal?

He is giving up stability for a woman who steals men, cheats on him. Who here is crashing and burning? Not you, no more. Don’t help this man anymore. His downfall is absolutely not your fault.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cmonty2 said:


> as of feb 1st i left the house we were living in and I'm now at my mom's house with my kids. i removed the from snapchat so I don't see anything that they post. friends of our that do say that they only post on his stuff and nothing on her stuff at all. I've gone completely no contact with him at all. as of now we are safe and sound.


How are you doing @Cmonty2 ? Hanging in there?
I know it's hard, but your key words are "safe and sound". That comes first for yourself and even more so for your kids!


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## Cmonty2 (11 mo ago)

I had to come back to the house I was staying in because of a few appointments my children had. I discovered that he stole my wedding rings while I was gone. I called the cops and pretty much was told that he can take whatever he wants and that I just need to make a list of it and then it will be dealt with when we go to court. which is still like 3 months away. I now feel the need to stay here and protect my stuff from further being stolen or even destroyed by him. he promised to make my life a living hell. I don't understand why he is doing these things. he didn't want to be with me anymore so I filed for divorce. he tried to get me to cancel that when he came back in December and told me that he loved me and wanted us to be together. I told him I had to think about it because of all the staff he had done already. well with hun 2 weeks he was back with her and no they are supposedly engaged to be married. I'm struggling with staying here because I want to watch my stuff that I have left or go back to my mom's house. I mean I miss my life out here too, I miss my job and my friends. but I don't see how I can handle seeing him on a daily basis. I don't feel like ill ever get over any of this.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cmonty2 said:


> I had to come back to the house I was staying in because of a few appointments my children had. I discovered that he stole my wedding rings while I was gone. I called the cops and pretty much was told that he can take whatever he wants and that I just need to make a list of it and then it will be dealt with when we go to court. which is still like 3 months away. I now feel the need to stay here and protect my stuff from further being stolen or even destroyed by him. he promised to make my life a living hell. I don't understand why he is doing these things. he didn't want to be with me anymore so I filed for divorce. he tried to get me to cancel that when he came back in December and told me that he loved me and wanted us to be together. I told him I had to think about it because of all the staff he had done already. well with hun 2 weeks he was back with her and no they are supposedly engaged to be married. I'm struggling with staying here because I want to watch my stuff that I have left or go back to my mom's house. I mean I miss my life out here too, I miss my job and my friends. but I don't see how I can handle seeing him on a daily basis. I don't feel like ill ever get over any of this.


You don’t have to see him on a daily basis. You are choosing to. Is your stuff really worth that?

I would let it go. Let him destroy it if he wants, that’s what lawyers are for. Just like the wedding rings.

Take your pictures or whatever is sentimental and go back to mom’s house. From what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re ‘safe and sound’ anymore.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Take anything that is important to you.


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