# Seen better days



## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

Hi this is my first time posting, i needed a place to talk about the mess i am in and i found this website. Though i am not ready to spill out the whole story...soo i will just start with the issue at hand currently.

My wife has admitted to me that she has been sexually curious about other men. I.e what it would be like to have sex with another man, since i am the only one she has been with. She says that she no longer feels this way and does not expect to again, but i know for a fact that she has spoken to a particular guy about having sex and has tried to convince him to do so. Though she says it is unlikely that if it came down to it that she would. And i know she is no longer speaking this particular guy.

Which i can relate to, as i have had similar curiousities. So what i am worried about is if she is being honest with me about how she feels about it, and whether or not its normal. I'm having difficulty coping with the fact that my wife has talked to someone else about having sex behind my back.

I love her very much, and i do not wish the events that have transpired in the last 10 months to end our 12 year relationship(2 year marriage).


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

my wife started talking like that and the next thing I knew she cheated on me

I would start monitoring her closely for a while- keyloggers, phone bills, gps, var's etc


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Unfy said:


> My wife has admitted to me that she has been sexually curious about other men. I.e what it would be like to have sex with another man, since i am the only one she has been with. She says that she no longer feels this way and does not expect to again, but i know for a fact that she has spoken to a particular guy about having sex and has tried to convince him to do so. Though she says it is unlikely that if it came down to it that she would. And i know she is no longer speaking this particular guy.


Ok, she tried to seduce an OM and have sex, but she allegedly failed? So that's an EA at the minimum right there, possibly PA. So how do you know she's no longer speaking with OM? What have you been doing to monitor her? And what were the consequences you laid out after she was in this affair, and yes, an EA is an affair.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Sounds like she's fishing but at least she's talking to you - tough spot. If you go hard consequence on her you could just push her underground, but if you dismiss it you're almost giving tacit approval. Keep a sharp eye out for a long time as almostrecovered suggest and keep her talking, as long as she's expressing these feelings to you IMO odds are that things are still ok.


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## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

I am very confident that she is not going to try anything in the near future, based on everything thats happened. I am just worried that since she's been curious once and never got that curiousity fed that she might become curious again without even intending to. (Its a long story)


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Unfy said:


> I am very confident that she is not going to try anything in the near future, based on everything thats happened.


No, you're not confident or you wouldn't be posting...




Unfy said:


> I am just worried that since she's been curious once and never got that curiousity fed that she might become curious again without even intending to. (Its a long story)


So how long are you willing to live with this?


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## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

Well she has basically had a crush on this guy for 2 straight years, and was involved with him for 4 months when i was on deployment. Though it was strictly online.

They met in person, though on friendship terms supposedly this january when i went home to work after christmas(she stayed behind to visit family). Recently found out he had kissed her, and that she'd taken off her pants(but not underwear) and allowed him to put a diaper on her. (he is an adult baby..infantilism...google it...its creepy)

In April they got into a real relationship, with him and his boyfriend. (he is bi) Though they dumped him in june. In July they met and stayed together for 4 days but through decieving him into believing i was her i was able to prove that they did not have sex. (though they did kiss alot, and did the diaper thing again)

She is no longer in a relationship with him anymore, nor wants to be. And is very adament about working things out with me, though it took a very long time for me to believe this. I understand her reasons for what she has done as well.

I think i should also point out that this ordeal has gotten me discharged from the military.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It's probably a front for falling in love with the other man.

If she already ask the other man for sex, how do you know for sure you are the only man she has been with?

Anyways, if you're curious also, then what now?


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## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

DanF said:


> So how long are you willing to live with this?


 I am not sure. I've told her that if she does slip even a little again then i will divorce her without hesitation. It is just hard to think of the person i entrusted my heart to decided she wanted to have sex with someone else.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

:slap: 
well she already has cheated


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry, but she met up with him several times and for days. They had sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Unfy said:


> They met in person, though on friendship terms supposedly this january when i went home to work after christmas(she stayed behind to visit family). Recently found out he had kissed her, and that she'd taken off her pants(but not underwear) and allowed him to put a diaper on her. (he is an adult baby..infantilism...google it...its creepy)
> 
> In April they got into a real relationship, with him and his boyfriend. (he is bi) Though they dumped him in june. In July they met and stayed together for 4 days but through decieving him into believing i was her i was able to prove that they did not have sex. (though they did kiss alot, and did the diaper thing again)



Your wife is into strange things?


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## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

aug said:


> It's probably a front for falling in love with the other man.
> 
> If she already ask the other man for sex, how do you know for sure you are the only man she has been with?
> 
> Anyways, if you're curious also, then what now?


She had fallen in love with him. 3 months after we got married when she met him, she fell for him. And of course his mother approved of the whole thing even though she KNEW she was married.

I have also questioned whether or not she has had sex with another man, and there are cases in the last 7 years where that very well could have been the case. But i will never know for sure.

And i am not curious, at least not anymore. I am satisfied with my wife sexually and feel no desire to try someone else.


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## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

aug said:


> Your wife is into strange things?


She used to wear a dog collar, her friend Jessica(the girl who told me about the boyfriend)used to put her on a leash...thought that was completely absurd and wrong.

And since meeting him in Jan, was heavily into Infantilsim and brought home several pacifiers, teethers as well as baby bottles. All which i have disposed in the last month, including the collars and the leash.


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## Unfy (Oct 12, 2011)

I am going offline, have to return to work..currently shredding paper at a hospital. A step down from navigating warships , but i gotta make a living somehow...

Thanks for responding so quickly, i will be back later.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Dude, they did more than kiss, touch and...uhh...wear a diaper. 

Dude, she cheated.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Unfy said:


> I am very confident that she is not going to try anything in the near future, based on everything thats happened. I am just worried that since she's been curious once and never got that curiousity fed that she might become curious again without even intending to. (Its a long story)


Thats a contradictory statement. I'm sure you were very confident that she wouldn't cheat, yet she did. Do you have kids with her? If not, then you should proabably kick her to the curb. Otherwise you will be looking over your shoulder the rest of your life, which is what you're doing right now by your statement.

R is extremely difficult even under the best of circumstances. Is she up for it? She may say she's adamant about the marriage, but what do her actions say?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the way I see it, you have three choices

1) have an open marriage (not recommended)

2) get a divorce

and the last choice requires a willing partner...

3) make it very clear to her that she must choose you and you only or else you are leaving the marriage. Lay down the law and require the following from her-

a) No contact with the other men- if the men contact her she must ignore it and tell you about it right away, in fact have her write a no contact letter
b) she must be completely transparent. She must give you all passcodes to emails, facebook etc, she must let you look at her phone, no deleting texts, tell you where she is going etc. At the same time you need to verify this all with the spy equipment I mentioned above
c) She must show true remorse and carry the burden of her affair 100%. No blameshifting, no gaslighting, answer any and all questions repeatedly.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

its very hard to give you advice or perspective without knowing more about why you "know" she's not talking to this guy, or why you think you "know" it hasnt gone past just talking and the statement about being "very" confident she wont try anything in the future?. Curious without intending too? 

Much of what you saying doesn't hold water, could be because you have solid facts that your uncomfortable discussing, and it could be that you are in denial or partially blinded by half truths or gaslighting from the W.... 

It's understandable being cautious about saying too much, but its sucks to try and give advice that could be missing the target badly because of facts that you are witholding. 

Maybe author a "fiction" loosely based on actual events?... Something that gives the same but different details? We would like to help or at least share some of what we have experienced that could be helpful to you and your marriage but "shooting in the dark" often misses its mark or unitentionally gets someone hurt.

**edit* LOL, ignore some of this... as I was typing this, you disclosed more...*


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

She has these fetishes that I think the OP can not satisfy.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I am so sorry for you. I have to tell that I do not believe her story about not having sex at all. Her actions speak differently. Your wife fell in love with another man after being married to you after 3 months.?She asked him to have sex with her. What does that tell you?

She fell in love with a guy hooked on infantilism and encouraged it. She has a girlfriend who put a leash on her. Your wife is sick.

Your wife is curious about other men sexually. This will all end horrible for you. She is one sick puppy. I would get checked for STD's and see an attorney. She is already messing up your life. If you honestly think that it is not a matter of time before she hooks up with some guy for sex then you are in big time delusion.

In addition, she has a tendency to hook up with people with real sicko tendencies is really bad news. Contact a lawyer and save yourself a lot of pain because again this will end for badly for you. She has a broken moral compass and you know this.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Unfy. Please disregard my initial response. As you've given more info it is clear that you have bigger issues that make my response inappropriate. Listen to the other posters, they're giving you solid advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Sorry for your problems.

I could write a long paragraph taking about dating three months after marriage, diapers and pacifiers WITHOUT ANY KIDS. But I won't. 

RUN

RUN


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Time to punt.....you have early warning of a life time cheating mentality but luckily you don't have kids with her. Get out and find a better mate/mother of you children.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

A or no A, divorce this woman, pronto! She is not all together and is a genuine Jerry Springer material. Run like hell!


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

People have differing sexual fantasies, but to be willing to act one out... especially one like Paraphilic Infantilism... you'd have to find it somewhat sexually exciting in order to particiapate. You can love someone more than anything in the world, but if they find something sexually titillating you find a total turn off, it's not gonna happen.

Sounds like your wife is the one having sexual fetish fantasies and acting them out with other people. If she knows you're uninterested or is fearful of your opinion, then she will seek it out elsewhere. First step would be to get an honest answer about her sexual tastes. Is she a sexual maoschist who enjoys the humiliation of wearing a diaper or dog collar? She says she "let" these things be done to her, but it seems like she may have wanted them done. If she's the one who brought home all the paraphernalia, this may be part of who she is sexually.

If your wife is craving submission or humiliation during sexual encounters and is not getting it from you, she will most likely cheat again at some point in the future. If she's convinced you can not or will not accept this sexual side of her, she will hide it as long as possible. Better to find out now, not in another 10 years.

For the record, I could be wildly madly passionately in love with my dream man, and if he asked me to put on a diaper.... I'd be saying not until I'm 80 and incontinent.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Im i the only one that thinks it unbeliveble how naive some peple
are?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I normally pride myself on having a very open mind sexually. I can almost always see the attraction of any fetish.
This one though? I just cannot wrap my mind around it.

That being said, your wife is having sex with another man. And he wants to have sex with babies.
I just don't think I can go on with this thread anymore.
I'm outta here.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your so called wife, has pretty much wrecked your life

She fools around with guys that are so far out---you need a telescope to find them, with their kink, sadism

Your wife 3 mths, after taking vows, hooks up with this---guy

What did she think of you at that point in time---Oh yah, you were the POS, man who kept her in money---so she could go out and find these weird people

I gotta ask, why are you still with her-----she has pretty much destroyed your life, and you stay with her----give me one good reason why, and please don't give the old time worn, I am in love with her----how do you stay in love with someone who does these things to you----also you had better believe whether you want to or not---she has had sex with this guy, and probably others---I am guessing you do not know a whole lot about your wife's DARK SIDE---but you better believe she has one!!!!!!


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