# Is this normal or doomed?



## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Over the last 3-4 years I have increasingly become...well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's submissive because there's a lot of negative connotation to that. Best way to describe it is when two become one, in my situation I have basically become an appendage of hers. I work too much so I don't have that much of a passion for golf and outdoors stuff like I used to. I enjoy shopping with my wife, helping her on her side projects and money endeavors and basically living her life with her. I've also grown almost totally attentive to doing all the housework or as much as I can. I work evenings and she works days so it does get a bit boring if I'm not busy. Sex is her priority although she knows what makes me tick so all is good there. Her picture is on my phone, my desktop, my walls of my office. I am with her constantly when we are both off unless she does something with her mom or daughter and then sometimes they prefer the girl thing. What I realize is I don't have much of a life if it is not with her. I crave her constantly. Not complaining but I'm wondering how healthy that is in the long run. Friends have commented to her that "I wish what you had." She does control the money, gives me an allowance, but I really find myself using it on her. And I don't miss the other things. I've avoided guys nights out because if our time is limited I am totally focused on her and want it that way. So to the ladies out there - am I a nuisance, a guy who needs balance, or someone like her friend said, something a woman does really like? I'm fine with it, I'm just afraid she'll get bored with the level of expectation and it becomes routine.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

While having my partner be so consumed with me that he stops having a life of his own would not appeal to me, personally, what really matters is how you and your wife feel about it. You say it's not a problem for you. Have you asked your wife if she likes it, or if she feels bothered by it or smothered by your behavior? If she's enjoying it, and you're enjoying it, then it doesn't much matter whether or not the dynamic would work for anyone else. However, if it's actually not enjoyable for both of you, then you two might need to discuss it further and figure out a balance that meets both your needs.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Thanks for the response. I think she likes it - especially the household chore thing - a love language for many women. I just think the wanting to go with her everywhere thing..she goes along just to please me. When we dated, she was the pursuer. I took it all in. Then naturally all those flames dim somewhat after marriage and kids. Now it's more me the pursuer. Makes me wish at times I would have done then what she did then, the energy would have blown our doors off. With kids and job and all,even though kids are basically grown, she's more tired. With me it's more of a worship experience, finding more and more I worship the ground she walks on...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Gawd, Stop!

You are making the rest of us......the rest of the story.

Why can't you be like him?
Do you see how he handles this? How he handles his wife?
I think you could learn a lot about being a good husband if you did it like WSM.

It is enough to drive good Martians to Saturn.
That said, she is lucky to have you. And I hope the other way 'round.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Wifessoulmate said:


> ... I have basically become an appendage of hers.
> 
> I don't have much of a life if it is not with her. I crave her constantly. Not complaining but I'm wondering how healthy that is in the long run.
> 
> ...


From what you have written, I have several questions. First, does your wife enjoy the amount of time you spend with her? Have you asked her if you are overdoing it? Do you feel like an "appendage" because of a vibe she is giving off, or is that just how you feel because you have curtailed your other interests?

Does she control the money and give you an allowance because both of you agreed on this arrangement? 

I can only give you an opinion from my perspective. Your wife may be perfectly fine with how things are. Me? I liked the fact that my husband enjoyed reading in his recliner upstairs while I was in our finished basement watching football. If he wanted to enjoy the basement fireplace during the cold months, I'd go up to the top floor and watch TV in the bedroom we made into a den. But both of us needed our space at times. That worked for us.

The fact you ask if this is "doomed" ... again, I don't know. If your wife is letting you know she's feeling like she needs more space then give her more space. But "doomed"??? I, personally, would reserve that for something far worse than what you are describing here.

And P.S. - Do you think you are coming across as needy/clingy?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Over the last 3-4 years I have increasingly become...well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's submissive because there's a lot of negative connotation to that. Best way to describe it is when two become one, in my situation I have basically become an appendage of hers. I work too much so I don't have that much of a passion for golf and outdoors stuff like I used to. I enjoy shopping with my wife, helping her on her side projects and money endeavors and basically living her life with her. I've also grown almost totally attentive to doing all the housework or as much as I can. I work evenings and she works days so it does get a bit boring if I'm not busy. Sex is her priority although she knows what makes me tick so all is good there. Her picture is on my phone, my desktop, my walls of my office. I am with her constantly when we are both off unless she does something with her mom or daughter and then sometimes they prefer the girl thing. What I realize is I don't have much of a life if it is not with her. I crave her constantly. Not complaining but I'm wondering how healthy that is in the long run. Friends have commented to her that "I wish what you had." She does control the money, gives me an allowance, but I really find myself using it on her. And I don't miss the other things. I've avoided guys nights out because if our time is limited I am totally focused on her and want it that way. So to the ladies out there - am I a nuisance, a guy who needs balance, or someone like her friend said, something a woman does really like? I'm fine with it, I'm just afraid she'll get bored with the level of expectation and it becomes routine.


I wouldn't say this is abnormal. There are a lot of men who fall into this "rut" and find that their wives are their only social outlet (which is why these men are so lost if they divorce). One of men's primary needs in a romantic partner is an "activities partner," someone to just DO things with and to BE with. It sounds like that is exactly what you're doing. If you're being truly helpful to her, and taking a burden off of her, you probably aren't a nuisance. Has she indicated that it bothers her?

I do think it is important for people to maintain their own identities and do something that is just theirs when in a relationship, that helps a person maintain his identity apart from the relationship. If she is doing her "girl thing" with her mom or your daughter, this is a good time for you to do your "man thing," whatever that may be for you. Perhaps, since you say that you don't have a lot of time/energy for the outdoors stuff you used to be into, perhaps instead it can be an activity that you do with just your daughter, to encourage father-daughter bonding (similar to what she does with her daughter and girl time). Do you have any male friends? It may be time to reconnect with them, and do an occasional outing or two.

There is a possibility of becoming bored and things becoming routine, which is why it's important to do things outside of the relationship. Also, if you're worried about becoming boring or routine, put in an effort to change that up and make sure it's not routine. Like, once a week, change it up and do something out of the ordinary. Try new things and new activities with your wife. Sharing new experiences and activities is proven to improve/maintain emotional intimacy, and keeps things fresh. Talk with her and come up with a couples' bucket list, and start doing the things on the list... and listen when she mentions that she would like to try something, and add it to the list, and surprise her with it later.


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

It she doesn't mind it that's great. As long as the two of you are happy. 

I'm very independent so you would drive me crazy. But I'm
not your wife.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

First off, love languages are BS. If I haven't had sex in a couple weeks, that is my current love language. If I'm doing all the house chores, but getting sex, her doing acts of duty becomes my love language. If she never compliments me, that becomes my love language... And so on and so forth. They really all need to have balance for them to be considered anything other than some stupid quiz to get you to realize where needs are that aren't being met. 

Secondly, marriage is a fluid endeavour. What works today might not always work a few years from now. The only issue I foresee is she is no longer finding your clingyness attractive, but you have been stuck in your ways so long that you don't know how to function any other way. I also think you run the risk of feeling lost later in life as you throw away your own personal identity to become as you say an appendage of your wife. Next thing you know you are going through a midlife crisis and doing a 180 on your lifestyle. The amount of issues that goes along with that are obvious and dont really need pointing out. 

I would advise you to find one thing you are passionate about that is about you! No need to ditch your wife to do it. She is more than welcome to join you in your hobby, but not required to. Find something you love and designate a little bit of time per week or once every two weeks or whatever to pursue something that is just for you. It doesn't have to be life changing. But I think it would do both of you a service to have your own things or just one thing even that gives you time to enjoy whatever it is you like.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think you are right it's unsustainable. It's also not healthy for both of you. Why is she not going with you doing things you like for instance. You say you like golf why can she do that too? I believe healthy marriages take two healthy people. Healthy people have lots of things that bring them contentment and joy. 

Besides all that I think submissive guys for most women end up being a turn off in the long run. I am not saying dominate her but I am saying you need to be assertive. Being a pushover is not really a good thing for a husband to be.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

It sounds like you are a great husband, but you really should find some hobbies of your own.
To me I think it is important for couples to have and interest they do apart, not necessarily saying you need to be bar hopping with the guys or anything but you will end up losing yourself in this marriage if you haven't already.


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## Masodipstick (Aug 6, 2017)

Hello wifesoulmate: Do you think that if your wife was unhappy with this arrangement or if she felt you were clingy that she would mention this to you? Many couples are content with this degree of togetherness and it seems to work for you. If you are both happy what is there to fix?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

My husband and I are similar though don't think he worships me. But we spend all our time together. We are going on 24 years and we both are happy so yes it is sustainable if you are both happy. We tend to pick up hobbies together though I'm often the driving force for going shopping or on vacation or what not.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Wifessoulmate said:


> With kids and job and all,even though kids are basically grown, she's more tired. With me it's more of a worship experience, finding more and more I worship the ground she walks on...


Good lord.

You're not a husband. You're a Collie.

I could never respect a man whose entire life centers around ME. I'd find it absolutely *pitiful *that he has so damned little else going on in his life that *I* have to be the center of his universe.

That's so lame.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Good lord.
> 
> You're not a husband. You're a Collie.
> 
> ...


I agree with you. SSGI
With what you said.

Think about what you said.
Think about what I agree with.

Uh, you may want to re-phrase some of this.
While I stand back and grin.
Grin that you have 'verbally' cut your own legs off.
Cut your own worth to nothing.

Methinks, too much, Methinks..

Oh, believe me; I know what you meant.
I also know what you wrote.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Over the last 3-4 years I have increasingly become...well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's submissive because there's a lot of negative connotation to that. Best way to describe it is when two become one, in my situation I have basically become an appendage of hers. I work too much so I don't have that much of a passion for golf and outdoors stuff like I used to. I enjoy shopping with my wife, helping her on her side projects and money endeavors and basically living her life with her. I've also grown almost totally attentive to doing all the housework or as much as I can. I work evenings and she works days so it does get a bit boring if I'm not busy. Sex is her priority although she knows what makes me tick so all is good there. Her picture is on my phone, my desktop, my walls of my office. I am with her constantly when we are both off unless she does something with her mom or daughter and then sometimes they prefer the girl thing. What I realize is I don't have much of a life if it is not with her. I crave her constantly. Not complaining but I'm wondering how healthy that is in the long run. Friends have commented to her that "I wish what you had." She does control the money, gives me an allowance, but I really find myself using it on her. And I don't miss the other things. I've avoided guys nights out because if our time is limited I am totally focused on her and want it that way. So to the ladies out there - am I a nuisance, a guy who needs balance, or someone like her friend said, something a woman does really like? I'm fine with it, I'm just afraid she'll get bored with the level of expectation and it becomes routine.



Many women may like the attention and i know in my case I could do with more but tbh I would be overwhelmed with that level of attention and would find it somewhat a turnoff. I like my men to be in charge and know what they want kind of guys. It is not healthy in the long run, you need space to explore a life independent of your wife.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I don't go out with the guys. Never have. I enjoy all the free time I have been able to get with my wife.

My wife does not work, so we actually spend a lot more time together than you two do.

The dynamic between us is different. I am Lord and Master. Does that really make it any different? Who knows. We have been married a while. 43 years and 10 months. It's been a wild ride.

An interesting aside. We saw an advertisement the other day where they said some gal had climbed something like 50,000 steps a year, more than the height of Mount Everest. I figure we each climb a lot more steps than that ever year! I don't think we need to take up a sport.

I watch The Price Is Right with her. Have I lost myself?

We spend a lot of time having sex, still. I remember when she got her first Social Security check she went to the bank and brought me most of it in cash, and said she needed to pay me for services now that she had her own income. She worked for a few years back in last century, so she was pleasantly surprised to discover she gets SS.

Just don't loose yourself.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Well i just sent up a "thank you God" that some of us do not cohabitate. To each their own. I'll add that on my situation i work nights and she works days so we have separate LIVES. She has the social life I don't give days a week. She is the only social life I have. You would probably not tolerate that kind of existence either.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

If your wife has not exhibited any annoyance or frustration over being suffocated, then maybe she likes it .
You mention you are on opposite shifts therefore don’t see each other a lot.

If you love it and she hasn’t complained....why fix what isn’t broken.....however...it is healthy to have your own set of friends or at least activities that you can enjoy on your own as well


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

cma62 said:


> If your wife has not exhibited any annoyance or frustration over being suffocated, then maybe she likes it .
> You mention you are on opposite shifts therefore don’t see each other a lot.
> 
> If you love it and she hasn’t complained....why fix what isn’t broken.....however...it is healthy to have your own set of friends or at least activities that you can enjoy on your own as well


 My hobbies are around my work, which consumes me to the point of nausea. Focusing on her has been the most liberating thing I've ever done. I've discovered taking a deeper interest in the things that are her is like a breath of fresh air. People who work second shift in general have no social life. It isn't a choice at this point to change that without taking a financial hit. Because I'm not active in a lot, she controls the purse strings and gives me an allowance - and likes this more than anything. BTW being at home by myself in the day has led to more chores done which is also her love language - and yes I think that's legit.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

@Wifessoulmate....Marriage doesn’t come with a set of directions...it’s whatever works for the 2 people united.

There are obvious situations like abuse, addiction and financial irresponsibility and even health concerns which happen in every marriage.

But yours is unique for you and your wife....if after asking her how she feels about you being so attentive and she likes it .....then no biggie...

You still shouldn’t lose sight of who you are and just become an extension of your wife though......not healthy


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Right but can't two grow to like everything and have everything in common? What's wrong if all of one's interests becomes something the other enjoys equally?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you read the book Hold On To Your N.U.T.s? It describes exactly what you are asking about. I promise it will make sense.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Give me a summary. I am not much of a reader of books. Mags yes.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

@Wifessoulmate the biggest issue I see with you intertwining your self in everything your wife does....is down the road after a while your wife might perceive it as you being needy and clingy and that is a big turn off for women.

Enjoy it whilst she is ok with it ...then later you might have to tweak things if it becomes too much.

Once you have children ( if they are in the cards) and you are still insistent on doing everything with her then she is going to be tired of everybody vying for her attention......but until then....if you still want to do it and she’s on board...go for it.

Keep an eye out for subtle hints from her that she’s being suffocated and back off accordingly.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Kids are grown or near out.finding it interesting how many women are talking about being suffocated when so many also say they get nothing from hubs ...when some of her friends say "i wish i had what you had.""


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Over the last 3-4 years I have increasingly become...well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's submissive because there's a lot of negative connotation to that. Best way to describe it is when two become one, in my situation I have basically become an appendage of hers. I work too much so I don't have that much of a passion for golf and outdoors stuff like I used to. I enjoy shopping with my wife, helping her on her side projects and money endeavors and basically living her life with her. I've also grown almost totally attentive to doing all the housework or as much as I can. I work evenings and she works days so it does get a bit boring if I'm not busy. Sex is her priority although she knows what makes me tick so all is good there. Her picture is on my phone, my desktop, my walls of my office. I am with her constantly when we are both off unless she does something with her mom or daughter and then sometimes they prefer the girl thing. What I realize is I don't have much of a life if it is not with her. I crave her constantly. Not complaining but I'm wondering how healthy that is in the long run. Friends have commented to her that "I wish what you had." She does control the money, gives me an allowance, but I really find myself using it on her. And I don't miss the other things. I've avoided guys nights out because if our time is limited I am totally focused on her and want it that way. So to the ladies out there - am I a nuisance, a guy who needs balance, or someone like her friend said, something a woman does really like? I'm fine with it, I'm just afraid she'll get bored with the level of expectation and it becomes routine.


This dynamic may work for you in your relationship but I must say its a painful read for me. *She will most likely lose respect for you as a man because of your persistent displays of low value.* Your wife wants you to have an ultimate purpose that is not her. She wants you to have your own friends and hobbies. She does not want to be the center of your universe thats a lot of pressure. She wants to see that your balls are intact and you will stand up to her and others in your life if necessary. An allowance, really, come on man. Men lead. Women are comfortable, safe and happy when they do. When a woman has to lead the relationship she is going to lose respect for you as a man. She is being the masculine energy more than the feminine. This will effect the balance of the relationship and put a bunch of pressure on her. She may say she likes this stuff but the respect and attraction will likely be affected at some point if it is not already. Its too bad that you don't like reading because it would help a lot.

Answer this with honesty (I think you already know of you would not have made this post)

Does you think your wife respects you as a man?

Is she happy with your sex life? I ask because you hinted that she seems to run this department like the rest. 

I may just be saying this because I am a very dominant man and it urks the hell out of me when another man is not. I have lost many friends due to them losing their balls. If this is that case please disregard my post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Over the last 3-4 years I have increasingly become...well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's submissive because there's a lot of negative connotation to that. Best way to describe it is when two become one, in my situation I have basically become an appendage of hers. I work too much so I don't have that much of a passion for golf and outdoors stuff like I used to. I enjoy shopping with my wife, helping her on her side projects and money endeavors and basically living her life with her. I've also grown almost totally attentive to doing all the housework or as much as I can. I work evenings and she works days so it does get a bit boring if I'm not busy. Sex is her priority although she knows what makes me tick so all is good there. Her picture is on my phone, my desktop, my walls of my office. I am with her constantly when we are both off unless she does something with her mom or daughter and then sometimes they prefer the girl thing. What I realize is I don't have much of a life if it is not with her. I crave her constantly. Not complaining but I'm wondering how healthy that is in the long run. Friends have commented to her that "I wish what you had." She does control the money, gives me an allowance, but I really find myself using it on her. And I don't miss the other things. I've avoided guys nights out because if our time is limited I am totally focused on her and want it that way. So to the ladies out there - am I a nuisance, a guy who needs balance, or someone like her friend said, something a woman does really like? I'm fine with it, I'm just afraid she'll get bored with the level of expectation and it becomes routine.


Here's what I don't get about what you wrote. The two of you work opposite schedules so you really don't have all that much time to spend together.

But she is the only person you do anything with. And that, is on YOU, not her. You have hours every day after work that you could do things like to work out, go socialize with other people, do things that you enjoy. 

So I have some questions for you.

How many hours do you two spend together on a typical work day? 

What are your work hours? What are her work hours?

It sounds like you mostly have weekends that you can see each other.

How many hours a week do the two of you spend together, just the two of you going things that you both enjoy?

Why are you not doing some things on your own? Why don't you have any hobbies or social things you do?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Right but can't two grow to like everything and have everything in common? What's wrong if all of one's interests becomes something the other enjoys equally?


Of course both husband and wife can grow to like the same things and have every, or most things in common. It's actually pretty healthy. 

But you seem to be complaining here that you have nothing of your own. You have the time to develop some interest of your own, so why not do it. You can still keep all the things that you enjoy doing with her.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

No one is complaining on this end. Seems like I'm meeting a lot of self-centered people...which is why there is a board like this I suppose. I could see now that most of you would never make it with working different times. You'd be too focused on "me time."


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Give me a summary. I am not much of a reader of books. Mags yes.


Elevator speech: your first priority is to your wife and kids. BUT you also have a responsibility to take care of yourself. You're not a martyr and you won't last long if you don't. That means many things. It means know what you should and shouldn't put up with and enforce those boundaries. And you should be able to enjoy your life, not just be a servant.

Example from the book: man plays basketball with his friends every Saturday morning, has been doing so for years. He gets married, starts doing housework with wife, all the stuff. Goes everywhere with her, cos that is what she wants. And then she says he needs to give up his basketball game. He's torn. He wants to make her happy, but he doesn't think this is fair. What does he do?

The answer is that he tells his wife 'I love you and I love being with you, but I'm also a human being and there are things that mean a lot to me. It's not fair for you to expect me to give up something that means a lot to me. In fact, I think you should be having your own interests, too. Aren't there things you'd be doing if you weren't married? Why not keep doing them?'


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Wifessoulmate said:


> No one is complaining on this end. Seems like I'm meeting a lot of self-centered people...which is why there is a board like this I suppose. I could see now that most of you would never make it with working different times. You'd be too focused on "me time."


So you come on here and ask for advice and then insult all of us. Good job. I'm sure this is going to work out great for you.

Did your wife find this post and tell you to write that? >


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Kids are grown or near out.finding it interesting how many women are talking about being suffocated when so many also say they get nothing from hubs ...when some of her friends say "i wish i had what you had.""


The point I've been trying to make is it's nearly always healthier to have SOME time away from each other. Not to live an independent life, but to remember who you are as a unique human being, so that you have _more_ to give to the marriage.

You work different shifts, so you're already not together all the time. But that's different than having your own interests. I'm not quite sure what you're asking for.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

What if she did? She didn't but this isnt to degrade her or bar-***** about home. This really isn't so bad. I figured i might see if there are others in this scenario ...not that the hardass guy or "independent" want when i want back off when i don't types.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Here's what I don't get about what you wrote. The two of you work opposite schedules so you really don't have all that much time to spend together.
> 
> But she is the only person you do anything with. And that, is on YOU, not her. You have hours every day after work that you could do things like to work out, go socialize with other people, do things that you enjoy.
> 
> ...


Early Sat all day Sunday and Monday. Five minutes the rest of the week. She owns the weekends willingly and tolerates football but we move around thst to different things but i let her call those shots and am happy w/it.. as much as ive taken away with my job I owe that to her


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I've read my fair share of posts over the years from a spouse who works a different shift. It's not easy, and it can be very challenging.

The title of your thread sounds ominous, to say the least. But it sounds like what you are doing is fine with you and your wife.

Why did you want other opinions? Are you having some self doubts that your wife may be unhappy but not telling you? I just get the feeling you are questioning yourself and wondering if it's okay to focus entirely on your wife. If she's okay with it, then fine, it works for you as a couple. Sometimes I get confused when someone posts asking for opinions, then gets defensive at the answers they receive. My stance on this is if you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions.

And, no, I don't think your relationship is doomed at all ... as long as BOTH of you are comfortable with the way things are.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Just figured a few like minds might show up and I could compare notes on how on my part to be the best I can be.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Can you get the audio book of His Needs Her Needs? It's kind of the 'bible' on marriages - how to make them work so that you both stay in love.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Well having absorbed all this it does tell me you can never nail it as a man. Women gripe when they don't get what they need unless they get more than they need. You'll bang your hed against the wall figuring it out until you in effect lose your balls and give what they want when they want it. She reminded me of this and how we had that going and going well so...thanks


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nonsense. Stop the pity party. Educate yourself on the differences between men and women and you'd have no problem navigating this correctly. But you seem to have no desire to improve yourself, just make her do what you want. Good luck with that.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

This would be a great question to ask your wife.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Turnera....you got it backwards. She tells me. Forever... She wants this. My challenge is to see it never gets boring on my part


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I don't understand what you're saying. She tells you what? What's forever.? She wants what? What never gets boring?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

@Wifessoulmate , read the parable of 1000 marbles. If you are content with what you are getting for your marbles you are ok. If you think you should be getting more Make a change.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Balance is a good thing.

Your marriage sounds unbalanced to me.

I feel there is a real threat that your wife will lose respect for you.

I find it very interesting that if your as happy and content with the way things are that you came here and asked this at all. Maybe your gut is trying to tell you something.

Maybe trying to carve some time for yourself would be healthy. Pick up a hobby that you always wanted to do and tell your wife...hey babe I think I would like to try this I've always wanted to try it and see what her response is ..would she be supportive?


Balance is a good thing.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

turnera said:


> I don't understand what you're saying. She tells you what? What's forever.? She wants what? What never gets boring?


Can we have a loud, collective "AMEN!" here. We have asked the OP several specific questions and we get vague responses at best.

I, too, have no doggone idea exactly what the OP is discussing.

Jeesh, maybe THAT is the main problem with his marriage ...


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Understanding depends on perspective. All i really verified is that there are many women who want what they want when they want it and not before. Lot on self centeredness in this discussion. Maybe more unselfishness and there wouldn't be a need for this board. Take the biblical submission feminists hiss at. In full context it is both about submission for the woman and self sacrifice for the man. That is balance. Someone always having your back. Back to the original post. I choose that whether i get it or not. The doom is can one get too much of a good thing.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I would say that you're a guy who needs a bit more balance in life. I'm currently single and looking, but if I ever came across a man who wanted to be joined at the hip and not give either of us the space that we need to thrive as individuals, that would be a huge red flag. I'm the type of person who needs to be with someone who will respect personal space. Maybe your wife isn't like that, and that's fantastic. We're all different!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Wifessoulmate said:


> Maybe more unselfishness and there wouldn't be a need for this board. Take the biblical submission feminists hiss at. In full context it is both about submission for the woman and self sacrifice for the man. That is balance.


Then why are you here if you are so in balance? I went back and read everything posted. It doesn't sound like you actually are looking for advice. JMO.


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## Wifessoulmate (Oct 30, 2017)

Feedback not advice. figured it would be an interesting discussion.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

48 responses and I am stunned the word *Co-Dependent* has not come up.
If it's working for you, good onya I guess.


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