# My wife left a month ago



## sadsam (Oct 5, 2010)

My wife and I have been together for over 5 1/2 years and married for 4 1/2. We always had fights and disagreements about how to raise her teenage daughter and money. Her daughter was always doing bad things and dropped out of school at 16. And with money I am a saver and she is a spender. For the most part we had a lot of fun together and she is(was my best friend). She started working at a bar about 8 months ago and that is when things started to get bad!. She would stay out all night with her single girl friends, drink to much and drive, call me late to pick her up few times when she knew I had to work in the morning. We always gave each other freedom and I am not the jealous type. So I did not care that she was with her friends on occasion but it was becoming more and more frequent. We would start fighting because I started telling her I wanted her home and that she was drinking to much. She would say "I am an adult and I want to do what I want when I want" We went on 2 trips together and every thing seemed fine expect for 1 or 2 arguments. One day she came home from work and said she was leaving for a while. She said that she has not been happy for a couple years. I did admit to being to comfortable and took her for granted. I also apoligized and said I knew what I have done or not done and that I could fix the problems. She just got mad and said why did i wait until she left before I started trying? I never thought she would leave. She says she loves me but she doesnt feel the same anymore. I asked several times if she is cheating and she says no. I beleave her but there is always a chance she is lying. She does call me on occasion but it is always a question about money or insurance. She has also stoped by the house a few times. I have brought up us and told her what I will do to get her back and it just pisses her off! Says she doesnt know what she wants and that she is having fun. She also said she feels refreshed. Then she told me she wanted to be freinds. I rolled my eyes and she said no not like that but wanted our friendship back. She cried the whole time she was here. Now that was Saturday. I did not call her the rest of the weekend to give her time and space. She called me at noon on Monday to say she called the cable company about a bill and then we started to talk about football. I have not heard from her since. Just want someones opinion about what could be going through her head.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Sounds like we are somewhat going through the same thing. My husband has been unhappy now for years and he moved out of our house 6 weeks ago. He said he has been telling me how unhappy he has been for years and why am I finally upset about it now that he has moved out, why did I not do anything about it sooner? The honest answer is I don't know why. The only thing I can think of is that life got in the way of changing. We got into a rut and just let it keep getting bigger and bigger. Did I know he was unhappy, yes. Did I do anything about it, no. Did I think he would ever move out and leave me and our three kids, no. Now what do you do? 

If you find the answer I would love to know. I am beginning to think it is too little too late to try and change to please him. I am working hard on it but I don't know if he can ever forgive me for not listening to him and taking action when he was hurting. Kind of hard to forgive myself actually.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> I am working hard on it but I don't know if he can ever forgive me for not listening to him and taking action when he was hurting. Kind of hard to forgive myself actually.


I have been going through this for almost 2 months and I've come to realize something important. It's not about me. I can only take my share of the blame. Yes I did things to contribute to the unhappiness, but there's so much more at play. My wife is not a good communicator. She doesn't expose her feelings easily. I'm a good person. I didn't do anything profoundly wrong. I didn't abuse her. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't fool around. I'm a good, attentive father. If I don't hold onto these beliefs I'll go crazy. I will not give up hope. I want her back, but if I change who I am for her I have lost my soul.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

sam
I have read enought post on this site to see a common behavior with female spouses. They all need attention and affection and support. They will put up with alot of grap from us, and they will not leave until they can find someone that will fill there needs.

So far you have met her needs with a bear minimume and she has stuck by with this small amount that she was getting. She will not leave this until she has a replacement.

Know she is leaving and she has no affection to go to? No attention to get? and no support? Come on, she is a female, she must have those things to be happy! We all need those things.

So you now your wife, what does she thrive on? 

Well sorry to say she may have found the thing that she thrives for and is lieing. I believe there has to be someone else for women to move away from a sure thing like there husband, even when they say " theres no one else" a right.

I have read eought post to see that as soon as the spouses seperate BAMB she is with someone right off the bat.

So that is what is going on in her head, the other man.
I suggest you get as much info on affairs in order to fight for her, if you so choose.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Same diagnosis here:

1. Do a 180
2. No contact
3. Let em go
4. Get a life
5. Act happy


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Its always scary to read how similar relationships melt down. Your story is exactly like mine. Going out a lot with friends, partying, drinking, says she has been happy in a long time etc. Even some of the things she said are exact. Is there some kind of women's book out there on what to say when breaking up and asking for a divorce? 

Anyway hold yourself together and try to move on. You are what matters. Begging and pleading or showing any kind of weakness is the last thing you want to do. It will only reassure her she made the right decision.


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