# She says she is dead inside...



## trubled (Sep 1, 2009)

My wife left me two days ago... I am so distraught I cannot see straight. She is staying with a friend (male) she says nothing is going on. We have been married for 15 years this next month, she just had her 40th birthday party and last fall had said this year was all about her. I love her dearly but like others stories i have read i have slept on the couch now for a year and a half or so. Sex was very infrequent nad hugs and kisses have diminshed in the last few months. I want to save our marriage, i do not believe she does. We have 2 kids, one in elementary and one in High School. I do not know where to start or begin to resolve this and win my wife back. I feel like a lost soul right now.


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## Guest (Sep 1, 2009)

trubled said:


> My wife left me two days ago... I am so distraught I cannot see straight. She is staying with a friend (male) she says nothing is going on. We have been married for 15 years this next month, she just had her 40th birthday party and last fall had said this year was all about her. I love her dearly but like others stories i have read i have slept on the couch now for a year and a half or so. Sex was very infrequent nad hugs and kisses have diminshed in the last few months. I want to save our marriage, i do not believe she does. We have 2 kids, one in elementary and one in High School. I do not know where to start or begin to resolve this and win my wife back. I feel like a lost soul right now.


One thing is she needs to realize it isn't "about her". It is about you and your children. 
Staying with a male friend?


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## trubled (Sep 1, 2009)

Lately she is had been on facebook every night for an hour or two, telling me how her male friends want to take her to a exotic dance club, wanting more privacy. She says she did not wan to be around me because we would argue usually over non significant things at least in my mind.


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## JennaRae (Sep 1, 2009)

Last November, my oldest brother, married for 20 years, his wife says she wants a separation. This was out of the blue. Ever since she turned 40 she was a completely different women. It became all about her. She didn't care about her kids or family. Her new thing was to party and get drunk every night. She hung out with people literally half her age and had an affair with one of them. My brother was distraught. HE couldn't think straight. He wanted to save his marriage, but she wanted nothing to do with that. They're divorced now. I know this is a depressing story, but my point is: you can't change someone no matter how hard you try or even how much you love them. If you're going through this half as bad as my brother, I am sorry. They still keep in contact once and awhile and she tells him things to try to get him mad--like how young her boyfriend is or how often they go out and have sex, etc. Sometimes it's easier to try to move on than to fix something the other person doesn't want to.


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## wherewegofromhere (Sep 1, 2009)

Dear Trubled, 

I think at this point, if she isn't even bothering to try to conceal the fact that she is staying with a male friend and is going out of her way to tell you she going out with male friends to an exotic club instead of just telling you she's "going out with some friends." it seems to me like she is deliberately trying to provoke a response from you. 

And from the way you described her and how she perceived the year of her 40th birthday to be all about her, it seems to me like she might be desperate for attention. Whether it's your attention or not, I'm not certain. 

While a broken home doesn't do anything positive for children, giving them the wrong image of what a loving marriage looks like will effect their romantic relationships in the future. Wanting to work on your marriage is a team effort, and it only works if both of you are trying. This is a big world and there is someone out there who won't need you to convince them to come back home, to stay with you, or to be with you. 

But if you think your wife is worth it, you need to express to her that a serious discussion on how to get passed this is in order.


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