# Confused... Please help!!!



## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

I am married for eight years, never betrayed my husband. Recently my husband's business partner told me he is very attracted to me and he would like to be more than friends. I was shocked because he is like a brother to me and he is married as well. I told him that we would never be more than friends, he looked very disappointed.

My husband noticed the way he stare at me, and mentioned a few times but I told my husband that its his imagination... I feel bad, I don't want to tell my husband he would be very hurt and I also don't want to affect his business.

I don't understand why this man married for 16 years is interested in having an affair with me... I am very confused please help.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Hi, I'm not sure whether you should tell your husband yet, but if this guy does it next time then I would definitely tell my husband. Good on you for turning this guy down, don't let him ruin your marriage. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I think you should tell your husband now. I understand that you are worried about the business, but your #1 loyalty should be to him, not the business or the business partner. How would you feel if you were business partners with a woman who was trying to get into bed with your husband and he did not tell you? Put yourself in his shoes and once your husband knows, there is no doubt the business partner will not approach you this way again.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You need to tell your old man.

The next time this guy won't be so nice about it...especially when the POS figures out you are afraid to tell your old man that he wants to bang you.

This phucker has no boundaries...so you *and* your husband need to make it clear he crossed a line or this guy will continue to pry on the fact you can keep a secret from your old man.

Please...trust me.... your old man need to tell his partner you are not part of the business deal.

At the very least you old man should tell his partner it was a nice try but he needs to stick with chick with less character !

Something must be said by your husband so this @ss wipe knows you will not keep secrets from your old man....if you don't tell your old man this POS will continue to phuck with you so don't wait for it to get out of hand and tell your husband now.

Your old man will be really pissed if this does get out of hand and you tell him months from now cuz this shyt has gotten out of control.

In short.... nip this crap in the bud right NOW!


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

the guy said:


> You need to tell your old man.
> 
> The next time this guy won't be so nice about it...especially when the POS figures out you are afraid to tell your old man that he wants to bang you.
> 
> ...


*
I don't want to do that because he is a dear friend, I just think he must be confused or maybe having problems with his wife... Hopefully he will understand I just see him as a friend.*


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You need to tell your husband now. He doesn't need to confront the man necessarily, you two can decide that together, but he DOES need to know.

If, down the track there's more of this, and it comes out that you didn't tell him he'll wonder why. I would too.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Marische said:


> I don't want to do that because he is a dear friend ...


Uh, no. A "dear friend" doesn't let you know he would like to phuck you. Sorry. 



Marische said:


> I just think he must be confused or maybe having problems with his wife... Hopefully he will understand I just see him as a friend.


Confused about what exactly? He wants to get in your pants. There is nothing confusing about that. 

You want this man to see you as just a friend? You tell your husband what this jerk did. No, he won't be your "friend" anymore, but he is NOT your "friend" now.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> Uh, no. A "dear friend" doesn't let you know he would like to phuck you. Sorry.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am confused because I don't understand why he wants to be more than friends, he is married for 16 years. We were nothing but good friends I don't understand how this happened...


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Marische said:


> *
> I don't want to do that because he is a dear friend, I just think he must be confused or maybe having problems with his wife... Hopefully he will understand I just see him as a friend.*


I think you need to accept the reality that he's not confused, at all. He was pretty clear, in fact. He told you his truth.

About the most you should say is, you're flattered but you are married and even though he seems to have no trouble keeping marriage boundaries, you are going to do the right thing and keep yours. 

Then I'd let him go as a "friend," but that's just me. Your friendship is one-sided. He wants more.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
You should divulge this information to your H. If this "dear friend" business partner would try to sleep with his partner's wife what else is he capable of?? This man's character is despicable and there may be more at risk than you know or can control.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Marische said:


> I am confused because I don't understand why he wants to be more than friends, he is married for 16 years. We were nothing but good friends I don't understand how this happened... [/COLOR]


Okay. I'm going to assume you are older than 22. Frankly, you come across as about 22, but nevertheless ...

Why is this man renting space in your brain? So what if you are confused? He's not. I don't care if he's been married for 50 years. 

And I'm even more interested in why you are trying to figure out "why" he wants to do this. 

Okay. I'll explain. 

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors in his marriage. You don't have the ability to read anyone else's mind. So it boils down to this: He wants to put his p#nis in you. Sorry to be crude, but that's what it boils down to. He wants sex with you.

He's horny, he's not getting it at home, his wife is messing around. Who knows, and honestly who cares?

You don't have to plumb the depths of his psyche. He wants to get laid. By you. That should clear up some of your confusion.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

This is not your burden to carry and no friend would do that to another.

Please tell your husband, this is not just the right thing to do, it will free you from the chains of any future advances to come (and they will) and enable the bond of trust with your husband, a critical component when this airs it's ugly head again.

An important thought in this assessment, if this man is willing to steal another's man's wife and ruin that trust of his wife, what else is he capable of?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You know that is really shytty for you to keep *any* secrets from your old man.

Give it a few weeks...once this guys knows you are not going to tell your old man.....get ready for this guy to turn up the heat... I would.

I guess it's just a matter of time before he starts forcing him self on you...why not.....who are you going to tell?

Even sooner I bet you start to like the attention and your old man won't be the wiser.

You are making a big mistake....this guy has made it very clear that you are not his friend but his soon to be lover.

Beside with boundaries your "friend" has...who needs enemies!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Speaking of enemies....you have just found one of the biggest enemies to your marriage and you don't even see it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Marische said:


> *
> I don't want to do that because he is a dear friend, I just think he must be confused or maybe having problems with his wife... Hopefully he will understand I just see him as a friend.*


He is *not *a dear friend. 

He wants to have sexual relations with the wife of his business partner.

And here is a photo of you with your husband's business partner


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Let the grooming began....

My second move would be to set up the husband to fail.

While husband is stressed out about money and he can't get it up...then bam.. third move...swoop in and comfort the neglected wife.

While the husband struggles to keep the business a float his partner spends his time with the neglected wife.

Knowing that the uncomfortable hugs and the inappropriate touching is now being excepted....all the while know the mans wife is to afraid to say anything because now it has gone way to far.

Or.

The guy backs off and finds someone elses wife to be FWB.....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I truelly hope this guy backs off and leaves your marriage alone and keeps it strictly business between him and your old man.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Think about it.... your old man should not trust this guy with you and yet he trusts him to do business with?

I just don't under stand why you protect this friendship more then you protect your husband?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

How resent was this encounter?

Has this guy been texting and calling ever since?

Do you believe he knows you haven't told your husband?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

If he's willing to betray both his wife AND his business partner/friend, how good of a friend or business partner can he possibly be? He does not deserve your friendship, and your husband would be wise to cut the business ties to this sorry excuse for a human being. You need to tell your husband so he knows what he's dealing with.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

This man just made an attack on your marriage and your husband. He outright asked you to join him and betray your husband. 

Do you want to know why? Because he's a shark and you are his prey. He knows his prey. He's been circling you, sizing you up. He knows you trust him. He's a family friend, isn't he. He knows you're not a risk because the likelihood you'd tell is low. You're too scared to be anything but nice and polite. Odds are you won't cause trouble between him, your husband and all the families, because he knows you're a "nice girl". 

So now you have a choice. Be that nice girl that worries how everyone will see her, including the wolf that will try to destroy your marriage and husband. Or, show the world who you are and stand with your husband and defend your marriage. 

Decide. 

Best


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

Re: Confused... Please help!!!

How resent was this encounter? Has this guy been texting and calling ever since? Do you believe he knows you haven't told your husband?


@theguy

We met a few days ago when my husband refused to go to a birthday party and asked his partner to take me to the party. Since he told me he was interested in become "more than friends" I didn't call/txt/email him or responded to his calls.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Marische said:


> I was shocked because he is like a brother to me and he is married as well.





Marische said:


> *
> I don't want to do that because he is a dear friend, I just think he must be confused or maybe having problems with his wife... Hopefully he will understand I just see him as a friend.*





Marische said:


> I am confused because I don't understand why he wants to be more than friends, he is married for 16 years. We were nothing but good friends I don't understand how this happened...


I have bad news for the OP and A LOT of women who have men who are like "brothers" to them. They do not see you as sisters. DO trust me on this. They see you as succulent ripe little pieces of...

Sorry. I got carried away. Thinking of a couple of my "sisters". 

Girls, there is a VERY good chance your male BFF wants to boff you.





Marische said:


> I told him that we would never be more than friends, he looked very disappointed.



If he felt comfortable enough to make the move, in THIS situation, he must have felt pretty sure he was going to be in your pants within the hour. You're damn right he was disappointed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So he is calling and calling and calling.....

I don't get it...your old man notices the looks and you tell him it's his imagination and now your old man has you escorted to a party by this guy ?

By not telling your old man you are really setting him up even if you don't think so.

How long are you going to avoid this guys attempts in contacting you before you tell your old man.

You do realize that you would have never got one text/call/email if you told your old man when it 1st happened.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

the guy said:


> So he is calling and calling and calling.....
> 
> I don't get it...your old man notices the looks and you tell him it's his imagination and now your old man has you escorted to a party by this guy ?
> 
> ...


I told everything to my husband, I even told my husband about this forum... What incredible mess!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

For every day that you don't tell your husband that his "friend" and business partner made a very clear and (moderately) aggressive push to bed you, he (the "friend") will see it as a failure on your part to protect your marriage.

And he'll see THAT as opportunity.

Until you tell your husband the truth about what has transpired (as opposed to the lies that you've been telling him up until now), this won't be over.

ETA: Looks like I posted this about a minute too late.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Marische said:


> I told everything to my husband, I even told my husband about this forum... What incredible mess!


However messy things become over the next few hours, days, or weeks, know this --

You did the right thing.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Marische said:


> We met a few days ago when my husband refused to go to a birthday party and asked his partner to take me to the party. Since he told me he was interested in become "more than friends" I didn't call/txt/email him or responded to his calls.


What type of relationship do you have that your spouse asks another man to take you out because he couldn't be bothered? Pulp Fiction comes to mind.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

breeze said:


> Marische said:
> 
> 
> > We met a few days ago when my husband refused to go to a birthday party and asked his partner to take me to the party. Since he told me he was interested in become "more than friends" I didn't call/txt/email him or responded to his calls.
> ...


My husband's partner was going to attend to the same party and I was going to go with a UBER driver, my husband called him and asked him if he could pick me up and drop me off at home... Nothing unusual...
I am sure its never going to happen again my husband is furious


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You where in a lose - losse situation but made the right call. As to his partner, check the business books, and secure clients to prevent poaching if he bolts. 

Telling somewhat after the fact has caused your husband to lose some trust and some trust in your judgement and may question you do not trust his judgment due to the delay. I suggest you get the book "Not Just Friends" not because you had an EA but rather it also discusses health boundries. This is a topic both you and your husband need to discuss and agree to how to handle this and other possible situations down the road.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Marische said:


> My husband's partner was going to attend to the same party and I was going to go with a UBER driver, my husband called him and asked him if he could pick me up and drop me off at home... Nothing unusual...
> 
> *Your husband got lazy in his duties.*
> 
> ...


Your husband is also embarrassed that he was made a fool by someone he trusted. 

OTOH, You have shown him he can trust you. 

This is a lesson for both of you. 

Best


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> You should divulge this information to your H. If this "dear friend" business partner would try to sleep with his partner's wife what else is he capable of?? This man's character is despicable and there may be more at risk than you know or can control.


Marische, he may be trying to bed you so that he can have something over you when dealing with your husband.

My own wisdom is that the fewer roles any one person has in your life, the easier that relationship will be. 

Why would you want this sleazy best friend / business partner add to his number of roles with your husband "wife boinker."


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You did the right thing.

Now can your husband still do business with a guy that hits on married women especially his own partners wife.


Have you talked about how your old man is going to confront him?


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

the guy said:


> You did the right thing.
> 
> Now can your husband still do business with a guy that hits on married women especially his own partners wife.
> 
> ...


My husband called him and his wife for a meeting today at my house. He was very embarrassed, he cried and apologized. His wife cried a lot I felt really bad I was almost crying, maybe I overreacted. I caused a lot pain to him and to his wife... I felt I shouldn't have said anything!


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Marische said:


> My husband called him and his wife for a meeting today at my house. He was very embarrassed, he cried and apologized. His wife cried a lot I felt really bad I was almost crying, maybe I overreacted. I caused a lot pain to him and to his wife... I felt I shouldn't have said anything!




Why? This is ALMOST DEFINITELY not the partner's first rodeo. She has the right to know so that, at a minimum, she can have a full STD screening done


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> Marische, he may be trying to bed you so that he can have something over you when dealing with your husband.
> 
> My own wisdom is that the fewer roles any one person has in your life, the easier that relationship will be.
> 
> Why would you want this sleazy best friend / business partner add to his number of roles with your husband "wife boinker."



They went to college together and they are business partners for eighteen years, they are very successful I am not sure they will split the partnership but the friendship will never be the same


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

eric1 said:


> Why? This is ALMOST DEFINITELY not the partner's first rodeo. She has the right to know so that, at a minimum, she can have a full STD screening done


This couple were very close friends, I feel bad because his wife was very upset and they are married for sixteen years. His wife was blaming my husband saying that my husband had no business to ask him to take me to that birthday party...


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

Of course you tell your husband right away!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Marische said:


> \ maybe I overreacted. I caused a lot pain to him and to his wife... I felt I shouldn't have said anything!


The truth is *HE* caused all this pain. *NOT YOU!!!* Don't fall for their blame shifting. He's only sorry he got caught. If you didn't tell your husband he had you in a squeeze and would have continued the pursuit. 

You have a lot to learn, "Nice Girl". He's not your friend. Stop feeling responsible for the bad behavior of others . Could you imagine what your husband would think if he found out you kept this secret from him? 

You did well, be proud of yourself. You protected your marriage and you protected your unsuspecting husband. 

IMO, your husband won't refuse to accompany you to future social events. 

Best


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Marische said:


> ... I feel bad because his wife was very upset and they are married for sixteen years. His wife was blaming my husband saying that my husband had no business to ask him to take me to that birthday party...


I have to ask: HOW OLD ARE YOU? To begin with, why the heck do you feel bad? Sheyot, if I had been in your position I'd be so damn mad, I'd come out with both guns blazing.

The reason the OM's wife is blaming your husband is because she is trying to divert the responsibility from her own husband. Why? Because that means she can deny she's married to a bottom feeder.

I don't understand you people. Your H's business partner came on to you. You got all guilty. Unless you encouraged this guy, you should have no qualms about going to your H and the other guy's wife and telling all.

So this clown was the designated driver for the ride home. Were you drunk? Did anything happen at all? I'm not placing blame here, but you certainly sound as if you are taking on guilt for no reason. That is, unless there IS reason ...


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Marische said:


> My husband called him and his wife for a meeting today at my house. He was very embarrassed, he cried and apologized. His wife cried a lot I felt really bad I was almost crying, maybe I overreacted. I caused a lot pain to him and to his wife... I felt I shouldn't have said anything!


You caused no pain yourself. Zero. You just made her aware that her own husband was causing her pain! She has a right to know this!

She's blaming your husband for asking hers to take you to this party only because she can't bear to think it's her own husband's fault. But hopefully this has opened her eyes to what he's capable of, if she didn't know already.

And hopefully your husband will put distance between himself, you and this 'business partner.' I wouldn't want to be in business with someone with so little integrity or respect for me.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> I have to ask: HOW OLD ARE YOU? To begin with, why the heck do you feel bad? Sheyot, if I had been in your position I'd be so damn mad, I'd come out with both guns blazing.
> 
> The reason the OM's wife is blaming your husband is because she is trying to divert the responsibility from her own husband. Why? Because that means she can deny she's married to a bottom feeder.
> 
> ...



I am 35yo I feel bad - not guilty - because maybe I should have handled the situation without exposing him that much. I was not drunk or tipsy... He was tipsy.
As I wrote before many times, he was a very good friend we had a very special bond and he was like a brother to me.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Marische said:


> My husband called him and his wife for a meeting today at my house. He was very embarrassed, he cried and apologized. His wife cried a lot I felt really bad I was almost crying, maybe I overreacted. I caused a lot pain to him and to his wife... I felt I shouldn't have said anything!


You caused no pain to anyone. Your "friend" chose the behaviour, and behaviour has consequences. This is on him, NOT YOU. You did the right thing telling your husband.




Marische said:


> They went to college together and they are business partners for eighteen years, they are very successful I am not sure they will split the partnership but the friendship will never be the same


It likely won't, but again - that's not your fault.



Marische said:


> This couple were very close friends, I feel bad because his wife was very upset and they are married for sixteen years. His wife was blaming my husband saying that my husband had no business to ask him to take me to that birthday party...


That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, though his wife likely knows just how ridiculous it is. She's only just found this out remember. I mean, she's essentially saying that her husband requires supervision around the opposite sex because he can't control himself. Puhleeze.

I was talking to my husband about this thread lastnight, and he agreed with me that you must tell your husband, so I was glad to read that you did, well done


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Marische said:


> ... maybe I should have handled the situation without exposing him that much. I was not drunk or tipsy... He was tipsy.
> 
> As I wrote before many times, he was a very good friend we had a very special bond and he was like a brother to me.


Okay, you feel you shouldn't have exposed him "that much." What does "that much" mean? If you had done that, you would have laid yourself open to awaking your husband's suspicions.

Okay. You are 35. You are also rabidly codependent. Do you know anything about codependency? I was the poster child for it. I was to blame for my parents' marital problems. I was to blame for their marriage going kaput. I was to blame for Original Sin. 

The thing is, NOBODY is responsible for another person's poor decisions.

So, allow me to reiterate:

This man was not like "a brother" to you. Would your brother want to put his d!ck in you?

He was the designated driver, but he did not take the responsibility seriously. He got "tipsy" but you let him drive? Uh, why? I don't want anyone who is showing any signs of having one too many driving me anywhere. So much for him caring about being responsible in that situation ....

Again I don't get it. Put on your big girl's panties and kick this so-called "brother" to the curb. Tell his wife to quit blaming your husband for her husband's lack of character.

If you were a man, I'd tell you go grow a pair. I don't know how to get through to you, but an honorable man does not drive his business partner's wife when he's buzzed and he does not proposition her.

At this point, I think you need to read up big-time on codependency. Have guilt and feeling responsible for other people's screw-ups is a classic symptom. 

YOU. DID. THE. RIGHT. THING. Learn it, live it, love it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Marische said:


> My husband called him and his wife for a meeting today at my house. He was very embarrassed, he cried and apologized. His wife cried a lot I felt really bad I was almost crying, maybe I overreacted. I caused a lot pain to him and to his wife... I felt I shouldn't have said anything!


Do the right thing hurts the most, but the reward is ten fold.

NEVER KEEP SECRETS FROM YOUR OLD MAN! That's the bottom line.

It would have been easier to keep your pie hole shut but in the end you have shown every one you will not phuck around when it comes to keeping secrets in your marriage.:smile2:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Marische said:


> This couple were very close friends, I feel bad because his wife was very upset and they are married for sixteen years. His wife was blaming my husband saying that my husband had no business to ask him to take me to that birthday party...


Well ya!!!

Your old man was copping an additude about the POS scoping you out and you blow your old man off.

Way back when you should have faced this shyt back then and your old man would have never sent you to the b-day party with the phucker.

Beside the wife doesn't want to face her new reality....you girl will and have done so...Don't phuck with Marische:grin2:

Face it... the wife is blame shifting instead facing the fact that her old man wanted to phuck you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Again some of the hardest things in life bring the greatest rewards!

If you had kept you mouth shut...do you think your old man would be making sound business choice with this phucker?

I think your old man's business partner lacks character. maybe he need a new partner?

As hard as this is....do you think this guy would have gone away?

Sure it sucks that this shyt is now out in the open. Were do you think it could have gone if you keep this secret?

How better off do you think you would have been if this guy kept after you? What do you think if by chance you submitted to this guys advances and months from now it all came out?

Girl from were I'm sitting you did the right thing no matter how phucked up it seems*NOW*.....


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Well, now. That was a stupid move on the part of your husband if I ever saw one... And you for going. Doesn't matter how close of friends you are. Going alone with a other guy to a party is the road to disaster. 



Marische said:


> Re:
> We met a few days ago when my husband refused to go to a birthday party and asked his partner to take me to the party. Since he told me he was interested in become "more than friends" I didn't call/txt/email him or responded to his calls.


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