# Difficult talking about sex



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
My wife seems unable to ask for what she wants sexually. I've never reacted in any way negatively on the rare occasions when she has asked. 

Like many people, what she wants changes - that;s fine, but I'm left with a rather difficult guessing game.

Unfortunately the noises she makes when she is enjoying herself are very similar to her "ow" noises - and again she won't tell me until later. She will tell me if there is something she really doesn't want at the time, but otherwise minimal feedback. 

To make things tricker, she is a bit of a masochist, but won't admit it. She orgasms very quickly and enthusiastically form strong / (painful?) stimulation like anal sex or using very large toys - that leave her sore afterwards.


I think she wants me to "take charge" but in doing so to somehow magically know what she wants THIS TIME.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you talked to her about this? Tell her you would love it os much if she shares what she wants with you because you want to please her. 

Re: the noises, tell her it sounds similar to her "ow" noises.

If you don't talk about it, you'll never get to the bottom of it. 

You could make it playful too while you're in the moment "Baby, I love when you tell me EXACTLY what you want me to do - it turns me on big time" as you are nibbling her neck.

Oh la la.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In both of my married relationships, I've never really had a problem communicating sexual likes and dislikes with either of my W's.

But here's a question of a different wrinkle: Let's say that you've been dating someone and have not yet gotten sexual with them. Should you just let things proceed and then just act accordingly, probably doing some very vanilla sex on the alpha round, or should you broach the subject with her prior to the sexual point of inevitability, finding out each others likes and dislikes before ever taking your clothes off in front of each other?

Sad as it is to say, I mean that there is a slim minority women who just don't want to receive or give oral, and contingently, that could be a serious dealbreaker for a lot of gals as well as guys!*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> My wife seems unable to ask for what she wants sexually. I've never reacted in any way negatively on the rare occasions when she has asked.
> 
> Like many people, what she wants changes - that;s fine, but I'm left with a rather difficult guessing game.
> ...


*Rich: I would talk with her about that! I really think that she would be honest enough to tell you the context of those "ow" sounds!

After all, communication reigns supreme!*


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening jellybeeans
Yes I've tried. I always get a "you always know what I want" (which is patently untrue). She clearly still (after 25 years) has some very strong hang-ups about sex. 

I've definitely told her that I like being told exactly what she wants - (which is true) but she just can't bring herself to talk about it. 





Jellybeans said:


> Have you talked to her about this? Tell her you would love it os much if she shares what she wants with you because you want to please her.
> 
> Re: the noises, tell her it sounds similar to her "ow" noises.
> 
> ...


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening jellybeeans
> Yes I've tried. I always get a "you always know what I want" (which is patently untrue). She clearly still (after 25 years) has some very strong hang-ups about sex.
> 
> I've definitely told her that I like being told exactly what she wants - (which is true) but she just can't bring herself to talk about it.


I've had this conversation with my wife about 50 times to little avail. She just doesn't like talking about those things, it embarrasses her or something. Which is sad because there is so much we could have fun little conversations about. The only time I can get her to speak freely is in the 20 seconds or so before she has an orgasm.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

How about making a deck of note cards with various activities on them, covering foreplay through the main event, and any toys or accessories to be used. She can pull the cards for the things she wants and leave them on the night stand in the order she prefers. She doesn't have to talk about things that make her uncomfortable, but you get the information you need.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I would think if you are sure she wants you to take charge...then you better take charge. 

Do whatever the hell you want...try everything under the sun...or moon as it were. If your having trouble with ideas..there must be a million books on sex....I mean- humans love it and will NOT stop writing about it. Get one with a thousand Ideas and start moving through them. Don't ask for permission...just start doing it. You must be very mindful though, pay attention to her...if she doesn't like something -stop that and move to the next. The stranger the things you start doing...I would bet, the more she will begin expressing what she likes and doesn't like. 

I would bet also that...that the weirder you get and more unpredictable the more excited she will get..because she just won't know what to expect....when she is at that point, my friend, you truly are taking charge. 

Conversations about sex with a female that is shy, embarrassed, inexperienced, whatever...will get you no-where but frustrated. Kind of like trying to teach poetry to fish. Think about it...talking about sex makes her uncomfortable...so the solution is more talk??? seems crazy when you say it out loud. 

Experimentation, however, is fun and will allow for discussion to evolve organically, in the moment, that is where the heart of it is. Once you've had her tied up, swinging upside down, cumming her brains out...while you are dressed in a room service guy costume...using a kielbasa in a most unnatural way.....well...conversations about sex become much, much, easier.

It is suppose to fun..ya know.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Redheadguy said:


> I've had this conversation with my wife about 50 times to little avail. She just doesn't like talking about those things, it embarrasses her or something. Which is sad because there is so much we could have fun little conversations about. The only time I can get her to speak freely is in the 20 seconds or so before she has an orgasm.


Playing the adult version of 20-questions with a partner whose tastes change constantly, is not a fun game.

Our sex therapist told my wife and me that we should try to approach sex as playful, exploration. We should laugh at things that don't work and celebrate things that do. Ideally, sex should be fun. That is my goal and I hope I can someday reach it.

Having said that, I am in much the same boat as my wife has lots of hang-ups, body self image issues. What I have learned over the years is that for my wife to sexually enjoy herself, she needs to let all the thoughts about work, chores, bills, etc. slip out of her mind. Then she can focus on her bodily sensations during foreplay. That allows her to let go enough to orgasm. 

Anything that brings her mind back to the present, like my asking her brain any question it needs to respond to, shuts down her sequence that leads to real enjoyment and orgasm. So for me 20 second before orgasm would be a horrible time to ask a question. Earlier in the foreplay process, questions of "does this feel better or does this feel better," is about the best that works for me. Although one thing I have learned is that when she gets close, if I really let go with great and obvious enthusiasm, it sometimes really sparks her level of enthusiasm.

Not saying this is true with many other women or your particular wives, it is just a lesson I have learned through years of communication and some sex therapy sessions with a nationally recognized sex therapist. I work very hard at making my wife feel good about her body and her sexuality. Someday, I hope it is enough so she will become much more comfortable with her sexuality. 

Good luck to all of us.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> Our sex therapist told my wife and me that we should try to approach sex as playful, exploration. We should laugh at things that don't work and celebrate things that do. Ideally, sex should be fun. That is my goal and I hope I can someday reach it.


That right there is entirely my viewpoint on things, and approach with her. Nothing serious at all, just fun and play.



Young at Heart said:


> Anything that brings her mind back to the present, like my asking her brain any question it needs to respond to, shuts down her sequence that leads to real enjoyment and orgasm. So for me 20 second before orgasm would be a horrible time to ask a question. Earlier in the foreplay process, questions of "does this feel better or does this feel better," is about the best that works for me.


I'm not the one doing the talking in those few seconds, that is when she allows herself to have her side of a conversation about sex topics I may have started hours or days before, to no reply from her. I just wish she could let herself share like that all the time, or at least more often.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

How about just having a "safe" word. Tell her beforehand you are going to try different things. If she dislikes it or wants you to stop tell her to say the word "sailboat" and you will move on to something else.

This way you can still experiment and she only has to utter one word unrelated to sex.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> But here's a question of a different wrinkle


I love this phrase and I'm going to start using it all the time now. 



arbitrator said:


> Let's say that you've been dating someone and have not yet gotten sexual with them. Should you just let things proceed and then just act accordingly, probably doing some very vanilla sex on the alpha round, or should you broach the subject with her prior to the sexual point of inevitability, finding out each others likes and dislikes before ever taking your clothes off in front of each other?
> 
> Sad as it is to say, I mean that there is a slim minority women who just don't want to receive or give oral, and contingently, that could be a serious dealbreaker for a lot of gals as well as guys![/COLOR][/B]


Hmm... I say go with it organically. If you find out you're not compatible, cut loose. OR, you could have the conversation first. Saying and don't aren't the same though. I guess it depends on what you feel most comfortable with...



richardsharpe said:


> Good evening jellybeeans
> Yes I've tried. I always get a "you always know what I want" (which is patently untrue). She clearly still (after 25 years) has some very strong hang-ups about sex.


Tell her that you really don't and you can't read her mind. Say "Show me." 

Be crystal clear that you want to know in plain english.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MarriedDude said:


> I would think if you are sure she wants you to take charge...then you better take charge.
> 
> Do whatever the hell you want...try everything under the sun...or moon as it were. If your having trouble with ideas..there must be a million books on sex....I mean- humans love it and will NOT stop writing about it. Get one with a thousand Ideas and start moving through them. Don't ask for permission...just start doing it. You must be very mindful though, pay attention to her...if she doesn't like something -stop that and move to the next. The stranger the things you start doing...I would bet, the more she will begin expressing what she likes and doesn't like.
> 
> ...


*Damn, Dude: I hate to inform you of this, but you've just been hired as this old man's brand new SexEd101 instructor/coach, as I'm finally getting around to re-entering the dating world ~ and at the same time, fastly hoping to reenter other things! Ce pas? *


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Maybe she can read some erotica and send you links to the stuff she finds "hot" and would like to try. Go to Literotica . com for a vast array of categorized, explicit, stories she can read. You could also send her stuff you'd like to try, or think she might be interested in and she can say yay or nay.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

I've suggested erotica, written and visual - said she wasn't interested. 



norajane said:


> Maybe she can read some erotica and send you links to the stuff she finds "hot" and would like to try. Go to Literotica . com for a vast array of categorized, explicit, stories she can read. You could also send her stuff you'd like to try, or think she might be interested in and she can say yay or nay.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

norajane said:


> Maybe she can read some erotica and send you links to the stuff she finds "hot" and would like to try. Go to Literotica . com for a vast array of categorized, explicit, stories she can read. You could also send her stuff you'd like to try, or think she might be interested in and she can say yay or nay.


*Norajane: To quote Robert DeNiro from the old movie flick, Taxi Driver, "Are you talking to to me?" 

Dang, I sure hope so! ~ Will have to examine Literotica for myself!*


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> I've suggested erotica, written and visual - said she wasn't interested.


Maybe just get some and start reading it.(Get an ACTUAL BOOK..not a download) 

Wait for it....at some point she is gonna ask what you are reading KEY POINT here...DON"T TELL HER..wait for her to ask. Asking is a question..a question implies interest..by allowing her to be curious and ask -she gets to be in control of the conversation...or at least it appears that way. 

When she does...tell her...then read her your favorite part. Then try out what you read.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Richard, I feel your pain. I can't remember how many times I've asked and gotten a response much like your wife's. My wife will, at least, let me know when something doesn't work for her (spanking, for instance). I've adopted an approach much like MarriedDude's: "well hell, let's try everything then and you let me know what you don't like."

Now, obviously, it's pretty clear when she really, really likes something, even if she seems to have trouble articulating it.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Norajane: To quote Robert DeNiro from the old movie flick, Taxi Driver, "Are you talking to to me?"
> 
> Dang, I sure hope so! ~ Will have to examine Literotica for myself!*


Careful, you might never come out!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Many women are unable to communicate about sex. She may never get over this reluctance so just take the lead. It's up to her to let you know if it works for her or not. Tell her you aren't a mind reader so you need feedback (verbal or otherwise) that's very obvious.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

norajane said:


> Careful, you might never come out!


*May try using it on a Methodist girl in the due course of time! Hope that John and Mary Wesley approve! 

They should ~ They had 12 kids together!*


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening MarriedDude
I have no problem with a lack of ideas. 

I do just start doing things - but as I mentioned she doesn't give really good signals. 

Its not that we have a terrible sex life or anything, just that occasionally its wonderful for her if I happen to guess right, other times just OK. 

Sometimes I'll do something that she seems to enjoy, but will tell me later she didn't like.

I think the root cause is that she isn't comfortable with her own sexuality. She enjoys anal stimulation but is embarrassed / grossed-out by it. She enjoys rough sex / large toys - but they leave her sore and she regrets it later. She thinks sex *should* be gentle and loving, but *sometimes* likes to be held down and fcked hard. She hates doing oral, but seems to be turned on by doing it. 

She is submissive / masochistic - but doesn't want to admit it to herself.

I think her upbringing was very strict / conservative and she has never really gotten over it.

We used to do BDSM play (many years ago) and she seemed to enjoy it, but one day told me that she really didn't like it an didn't want to ever do it again. (we hadn't done anything unusual that time).

argh.






MarriedDude said:


> I would think if you are sure she wants you to take charge...then you better take charge.
> 
> Do whatever the hell you want...try everything under the sun...or moon as it were. If your having trouble with ideas..there must be a million books on sex....I mean- humans love it and will NOT stop writing about it. Get one with a thousand Ideas and start moving through them. Don't ask for permission...just start doing it. You must be very mindful though, pay attention to her...if she doesn't like something -stop that and move to the next. The stranger the things you start doing...I would bet, the more she will begin expressing what she likes and doesn't like.
> 
> ...


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Openminded said:


> Many women are unable to communicate about sex. She may never get over this reluctance so just take the lead. *It's up to her to let you know if it works for her or not.* T*ell her you aren't a mind reader so you need feedback (verbal or otherwise) that's very obvious.*


That doesn't seem like leadership and will most likely, make her fearful, possibly resentful, definitely not safe..and probably won't get a dialogue going (a positive one anyway)...Maybe it's up to him to REALLY know his partner, flesh out what the desires really are. I'm not saying she NO responsibility to convey her needs and desires....But if she has trouble doing so...helping her along...in whatever way works best for both of them will have the end result he's looking for. More & better sex of course. 

By simply doing things and also studying her reactions...what she does like and more so..what she doesn't like..he will appear to be a mind reader, even though he won't be...but it will appear that way because he simply pays attention. That creates the hoped for end result...her attraction and willingness to just let go. 

Just one guys opinion...


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

MarriedDude said:


> I would think if you are sure she wants you to take charge...then you better take charge.
> 
> Do whatever the hell you want...try everything under the sun...or moon as it were. If your having trouble with ideas..there must be a million books on sex....I mean- humans love it and will NOT stop writing about it. Get one with a thousand Ideas and start moving through them. Don't ask for permission...just start doing it. You must be very mindful though, pay attention to her...if she doesn't like something -stop that and move to the next. The stranger the things you start doing...I would bet, the more she will begin expressing what she likes and doesn't like.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup: 

My wife is very similar to what Richard described.

Usually wants me to take control and mind read but provide little feedback. If I ask Im not really taking control am I?

So now to find a 1001 sex ideas book that isnt just 998 [email protected] up sex positions no one will really use, and actual ideas. Any suggestions anyone?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening MarriedDude
> I have no problem with a lack of ideas.
> 
> I do just start doing things - but as I mentioned she doesn't give really good signals.
> ...


Again similar to my wife.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Middle of Everything said:


> Again similar to my wife.


Ditto.

Maybe we don't have the right security clearance?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Ditto.
> 
> Maybe we don't have the right security clearance?


LOL! Let me know if you ever discover the code. I'm in a similar situation but making slow progress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Turned on:











Turned off:










About to call the police:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Turned on:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I get it! LOL! My situation isn't that bad thank God! &#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

MarriedDude said:


> That doesn't seem like leadership and will most likely, make her fearful, possibly resentful, definitely not safe..and probably won't get a dialogue going (a positive one anyway)...Maybe it's up to him to REALLY know his partner, flesh out what the desires really are. I'm not saying she NO responsibility to convey her needs and desires....But if she has trouble doing so...helping her along...in whatever way works best for both of them will have the end result he's looking for. More & better sex of course.
> 
> By simply doing things and also studying her reactions...what she does like and more so..what she doesn't like..he will appear to be a mind reader, even though he won't be...but it will appear that way because he simply pays attention. That creates the hoped for end result...her attraction and willingness to just let go.
> 
> Just one guys opinion...


She's capable of mentioning after the fact that she doesn't like certain things. The problem seems to be figuring out what she likes in the moment since that can change. So he likely will continue doing what he's doing now -- trying stuff and sometimes it will work and sometimes it will seem to work but later he will find out it doesn't. 

I don't speak for all females but I speak for many of us when I say that we are more likely to say what we don't like than what we do like. And not all of us are interested in discussing it. That's just how we were brought up. Some will change and some won't. I doubt at this point she will change -- especially if she enjoys things she thinks she shouldn't.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Openminded said:


> She's capable of mentioning after the fact that she doesn't like certain things. The problem seems to be figuring out what she likes in the moment since that can change. So he likely will continue doing what he's doing now -- trying stuff and sometimes it will work and sometimes it will seem to work but later he will find out it doesn't.
> 
> I don't speak for all females but I speak for many of us when I say that we are more likely to say what we don't like than what we do like. And not all of us are interested in discussing it. That's just how we were brought up. Some will change and some won't. I doubt at this point she will change -- especially if she enjoys things she thinks she shouldn't.


So you think shame is at the root of it?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It's complicated. 

When you grow up in a conservative home, the good part of sex is very likely not mentioned -- but the bad part is usually strongly emphasized. And letting go of all of that is easier for some females than others. Some, unfortunately, never do let go of their earlier teachings. 

Those internal tapes are hard to erase and can cause conflict your entire life (I speak from experience).


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

good evening all
its just sad that people with open minded partners who are willing to do whatever they want can't bring themselves to ask.

I understand, and I doubt my wife can change - but it does seem like a sad waste. I see so many women posting here that their partners make no effort to please them in bed.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I agree it's a sad situation -- and the result of presumably well-meaning parents (usually mothers) who load their daughters' heads with that stuff. The reason I never wanted a daughter? I was afraid I would, without intending to, do to her what my mother did to me. 

Keeping working with her. Who knows -- maybe one day the old tapes will stop playing in her head and she'll be free.


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## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

I liked the note card idea -- if they were like flash cards with cartoony pictures and you just fanned out three and asked her to look through them and pick one, could that be a fun way in?


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> So you think shame is at the root of it?



looking at shame as a root of it is a very optimistic thinking .

she could be manipulating (hope not ); like my wife ; she used to avoid telling/showing she is satisfied ...

she wants to make sure that i dont get arrogant , though never did .


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

I agree that we are more likely to tell you what we don't like, ie "stop", "I don't like that", "don't". I think too much talking and explaining takes away from the act. I'm ususlly too busy trying to enjoy it, and the last thing I want to do is coach. If I can't get into it at a certain position, I will switch positions. My hubby probably gets annoyed with me bc I switch positions every four to five minutes sometimes, but he just goes with it. So far no complaints. So maybe my constant movement is my communication


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Movement IS communication. It's involvement. Even if it's movement because your current position isn't doing it for you, it means you're trying to find one that DOES. It's everything that starfishing is not.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening MarriedDude
> I have no problem with a lack of ideas.
> 
> I do just start doing things - but as I mentioned she doesn't give really good signals.
> ...




Richard, women who dig being dominated-especially given our generation- have a very difficult time coming to terms with it. I mean seriously they might vote to take away our vaginas if they find out we like our man going all caveman on us! We are smart competent women, we are fully autonomous adults capable of running homes, businesses, governments and empires! We can't like being dominated! We're not supposed to. What does that say about us? How can we be taken seriously if we like a dominant man?

It takes some inner strength to admit to being sexually submissive. Doesn't mean we are fully submissive. No one could mistake me for being submissive but GOT DAMN being sexually dominated turns me on like nothing else at all ever!

I suspect your wife is not totally into the rough stuff. She may like it but what she might be responding to is that you are CLEARLY sexually dominating her.

Your wife doesn't give feedback, yet you've discovered she digs the rough stuff, digs being dominated, digs sexual acts she finds a tad demeaning or dirty. So she has given you some feedback. It is your desire for MORE feedback that is holding you back.

The next day when she mentions she is sore, you give her a mega watt smile, pat her ass and tell her you'll be happy to rub some lotion on it later. No guilt, no apologies, no minimizing her obvious contentment with what was happening.

From now on YOU talk during sex. Give her yes or no questions and make her answer. "You like this?" She doesn't answer? Stop what you're doing, turn her over and smack her ass once or twice, then turn her back into position and ask again. She might giggle, she might say "hey!" It doesn't matter, unless of course she says "do that again and you better sleep with one eye open!" Next time you ask her the same question only this time tell her you're going to spank her if she doesn't answer. By doing this you are taking control and in HER mind she isn't giving feedback, she is submitting to you and that builds her arousal even more.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> ...We are smart competent women, we are fully autonomous adults capable of running homes, businesses, governments and empires! We can't like being dominated! We're not supposed to. What does that say about us? How can we be taken seriously if we like a dominant man?
> 
> It takes some inner strength to admit to being sexually submissive. Doesn't mean we are fully submissive. No one could mistake me for being submissive but GOT DAMN being sexually dominated turns me on like nothing else at all ever!
> 
> ...


I will say it again, I know guys who had to get bailed out of jail because their WIFE called the police after what they thought was a little mild rough sex ruffled their wives feathers a little too much.

I would only engage in rough sex with a wife, if I was absolutely 100% sure that is what she wanted and that we had explicitly discussed her limits several times on different occasions.

Rough sex requires absolute trust between partners and absolute communication.

My advise would be to talk about what she liked about it when you did that in the past with her. Make sure you talk about what her boundaries are and how those boundaries might change over time and what the two of you should do if something fightened her.

Also find out if she might also be excited by your being excited and acting differently. She might be getting off on being dominated and possessed by you and sensing that you are getting out of control in your physical sexual need for her. That getting out of control doesn't need to involve rough sex, in my opinion.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> I will say it again, I know guys who had to get bailed out of jail because their WIFE called the police after what they thought was a little mild rough sex ruffled their wives feathers a little too much.
> 
> I would only engage in rough sex with a wife, if I was absolutely 100% sure that is what she wanted and that we had explicitly discussed her limits several times on different occasions.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. While dominance doesn't necessarily mean rough stuff, if you ARE going to try rough stuff--you need open VERBAL communication. 

A lack of an eye roll is not enough affirmation when you bring out the riding crops.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you need to var her car and put a key logger on the computer.


sorry that's the usual answer. lol

some women are turned off if they have to tell you what they like. crazy but I believe this to be more true that not.

just keep throwing new stuff out there with confidence and listen for the feed back of I really didn't like that. then laugh about it and say are you really sure you didn't because I think you did then break out the whip and flog her a little to get the real answer!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

I do try lots of things and keep track of what she likes. 

Biggest problem is that it changes so much. Thats fine, but its difficult each time to figure out what she wants.

Not a huge problem, its just that things would be better if she communicated. 




chillymorn said:


> you need to var her car and put a key logger on the computer.
> 
> 
> sorry that's the usual answer. lol
> ...


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Openminded said:


> Many women are unable to communicate about sex. She may never get over this reluctance so just take the lead. It's up to her to let you know if it works for her or not. Tell her you aren't a mind reader so you need feedback (verbal or otherwise) that's very obvious.


:iagree:

Even during the 'good ol days' I couldn't talk to my wife about sex....I mean talk about what each other likes/doesn't like.

She has never given me oral yet knows how much I would have liked it...yet whenever I mentioned it she clammed up calling me a sick pervert.
The only way I knew that she had orgasmed was when she lost interest (often easier said than done)

I remember saying to her often enough that in the privacy of our own bedroom (before children) with me she can let go...if she wants to pant and groan thats fine etc etc.
But she would just walk away calling me a sexual deviant.

So some women just arent into talking about it or even doing it. Some can overcome their inhibitions some can't and some aren't even prepared to try.

The husband has two choices; accept and stay or leave - often easier said than done.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Askari, I feel as sorry for you wife as I do for you. She is so repressed it's sad.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> I will say it again, I know guys who had to get bailed out of jail because their WIFE called the police after what they thought was a little mild rough sex ruffled their wives feathers a little too much.
> 
> 
> > I would not believe what those guys told you...that it was all in fun. What wife calls the cops on husband just for doing something she didn't want or didn't like? My guess is that they did a hell of a lot more than a little bit o the rough stuff. This kind of statement borders on minimizing real abuse while making women out to be hysterical. Kind of insulting actually.
> ...


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> Young at Heart said:
> 
> 
> > I will say it again, I know guys who had to get bailed out of jail because their WIFE called the police after what they thought was a little mild rough sex ruffled their wives feathers a little too much.
> ...


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