# My life over or is this a beginning?



## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

I wonder now where I am going with my life now that my wife asked me for a divorce a week and half ago. Most of all, I'm worried about my 5 year old son and 7 year old daughter who are my life and until a few days ago, my wife.

Since the end of October, my wife seemed distant to me. In November, she barely gave me a good night kiss and fend off any of my sexual advances.

Last week, as usual, I was watching my show. That day, we had went Christmas shopping. She barely spoke to me. Even with dinner, we barely talked. As usual, she came to bed and put her headphones on to listen to her music. All I did was ask her for a kiss and hug good night as I usually do. She turned away from me and just grunted.

Well I just lost it. 

I put my pants on and started to get ready to leave like I always do on a Sunday to drive to where my business is and I stay for 4 days. Since I was mad, I was slamming drawers and doors like I usually do when pissed off.

After calming down a little bit, I went to her and asked what the hell was wrong. Was she just depressed? Do you need to see the psychiatrist? It was at this point she told me that she wasn't happy any more and didn't love me and wanted a divorce. She wont even consider marriage counseling because she has no feeling for me.

So where am I now? My marriage is at an end? Is it right for me to hope that she may change her mind? Most of all, what about our kids?

For now, I will give her her space. At least she will talk to me.

This has hurt me immensely as it is coming out of nowhere. I was not aware it was this bad. Now what do I do?


----------



## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

hey,
hang in there - it is early days -
has this come right out of the blue?
are you both still at home together?


----------



## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

knortoh said:


> hey,
> hang in there - it is early days -
> has this come right out of the blue?
> are you both still at home together?


The normal thing for me is to go home on Thursday night and be there Fri-Sunday night. Go back in the early am on Monday to repeat. When I stay away to work, I stay at my moms house.

Well yes and no. 2 years ago, she had said something to me right after I had buried my Father. I had thought things were OK after a month when things seemed to be going OK.


----------



## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Do you think there is someone else?


----------



## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

knortoh said:


> Do you think there is someone else?


No. She never really went out somewhere other than the normal things a wife would do.


----------



## danl (Nov 14, 2009)

What are your ages, could be midlife crisis, that is what Im dealing with with my wife. Mine did the same thing to me, was distant for a few weeks, then sprung the 'speech' on me when I confronted here. I never saw it coming. She's unhappy, doesnt love me any more, wants a divorce ect. Went from telling me she's been unhappy for a few months, to a year, now its a couple of years. Im in for a long ride. 9 weeks into this and she is already speaking to a lawyer about divorce, she never even considered to help fix the marriage. Read up on Midlife crisis, it may surprise you. Sorry for your pain.


----------



## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

danl said:


> What are your ages, could be midlife crisis, that is what Im dealing with with my wife. Mine did the same thing to me, was distant for a few weeks, then sprung the 'speech' on me when I confronted here. I never saw it coming. She's unhappy, doesnt love me any more, wants a divorce ect. Went from telling me she's been unhappy for a few months, to a year, now its a couple of years. Im in for a long ride. 9 weeks into this and she is already speaking to a lawyer about divorce, she never even considered to help fix the marriage. Read up on Midlife crisis, it may surprise you. Sorry for your pain.


There are other issues there also such as my in ability to handle my temper. Somthing that I am now doing for myself and for my children.

Our ages are me 46, she is turning 39.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

~ Closing Time by Semisonic


----------



## danl (Nov 14, 2009)

My wife told me my anger and stuborness was also an issue. I do know for a fact that my anger has really dropped off in the past 2 years since I got into a new career and I stopped smoking the funny stuff. She was just looking for extra excuses to hold against me, which is what they do when in MLC. Check into it, MLC, it bet you'll see simularities between other cases and your wife. She is at the right age.
LiveCloud
Here is a link to a helpfull forum I am now apart of.


----------



## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

There are obvious issues she has with you. Find out the root of why she doesn't love you. Have you guys made effort to connect on a regular basis? Kids play such a huge role in putting marriages on the back burner. People always do if they don't make a point to keep it up front. If she feels neglected then you need to change that. You can't now shower her with love andgifts it will look like a show. You need to learn to change how you interact with her. If your at all religious I would suggest trying the love dare. It will help you to do just that. I feel for you.. It is a very tough spot your in. Hang in there and vent out here. It's great to get advise from people that have been through this..


----------



## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

Loving Husband said:


> There are obvious issues she has with you. Find out the root of why she doesn't love you. Have you guys made effort to connect on a regular basis? Kids play such a huge role in putting marriages on the back burner. People always do if they don't make a point to keep it up front. If she feels neglected then you need to change that. You can't now shower her with love andgifts it will look like a show. You need to learn to change how you interact with her. If your at all religious I would suggest trying the love dare. It will help you to do just that. I feel for you.. It is a very tough spot your in. Hang in there and vent out here. It's great to get advise from people that have been through this..


For now, at least everybody has told me to back off and leave her alone. The 27Th is her birthday. As a little token, i will give her a b-day card and a gift card to Starbucks, one of her favorite places to get coffee.

I do see that as part of why she fell out of love with me as I was only home 3 days a week. She was a stay at home mom, which was something that we decided as a couple. A job offer came out of the blue last June. I did talk her out of it because I thought it would be stupid. Having to commute 5 days(leaving 4 am) a week, then having to pay gas(80 miles each way), pay for child care, the numbers didn't add up. To top it off, then on the weekends, the days she would want to sleep in, then clean the house. I didn't want that because she ignored me and the kid.

For now, I'm going to give her space. Maybe as we go through this process, I can find out the things that made her lose site of the love that she once had for me.


----------



## dumped4another (Dec 16, 2009)

When my wife first told me 11 months ago that she didn't have feelings for me the past 4 years, I thought my life was over; that my world would burn down around me. And for a while, it did. But through surrounding myself with family and friends constantly, talking it out, venting when you need to vent, it's gotten better, little by little. I'm still nowhere near where I need to be at this point because I still love her in spite of everything; the hurt, the lying, the betrayal, etc. Just hang in there pal. Surround yourself with the people you love and love you. Let them be your rock. Praying for you, man.


----------



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

yea big thing is finding out the issues she has and maybe going back to doing things she and you both liked to start sometimes you need that spark relight and that is not always easy at this stage but finding the issues and making changes to change is always a smart choice


----------



## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

beninneedofhelp said:


> yea big thing is finding out the issues she has and maybe going back to doing things she and you both liked to start sometimes you need that spark relight and that is not always easy at this stage but finding the issues and making changes to change is always a smart choice


I would like to try to light that spark again, but she has been stand offish to me. Talks to me, but sometimes is very curt with me.

For now, at least from a picture that my sis took of me at a x=mas party, I'm smiling.

I'm sure she saw that since she is friends with my sis.

Tommrow night is going to be tough. Will be with friends and family to celebrate the new year. I'll have both of my kids with me, but do wish she would be there also. Going to have to watch the booze.


----------

