# How to get a good divorce settlement



## jsb (Sep 11, 2018)

WH and I have been married for 4 years, no children. WH is a serial cheater (multiple affairs with multiple women). WH has been the breadwinner but I recently went to a job interview and am going to be employed soon. The lawyer I talked to said because of the duration of the marriage and the fact that I am able to find jobs that pay reasonably well, I won’t get much alimony if any at all. We bought a house together while we are married. But we paid it with cash and mostly from his inheritance and savings. Lawyer said I will get much less than 50% of the house equity because that. I have proof of his adultery. He has a fairly visible position at the place he works. I would like to get more out of the divorce financially than what the lawyer told me. My question is: should I get another lawyer or try to negotiate a settlement myself? I live in a fault/no fault divorce state.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jsb said:


> WH and I have been married for 4 years, no children. WH is a serial cheater (multiple affairs with multiple women). WH has been the breadwinner but I recently went to a job interview and am going to be employed soon. The lawyer I talked to said because of the duration of the marriage and the fact that I am able to find jobs that pay reasonably well, I won’t get much alimony if any at all. We bought a house together while we are married. But we paid it with cash and mostly from his inheritance and savings. Lawyer said I will get much less than 50% of the house equity because that. I have proof of his adultery. He has a fairly visible position at the place he works. I would like to get more out of the divorce financially than what the lawyer told me. My question is: should I get another lawyer or try to negotiate a settlement myself? I live in a fault/no fault divorce state.


Reading between the lines you are feeling you can negotiate from a position of strength because he may not want his affairs revealed in his workplace.
If you start naming names then make sure you have incontrovertible evidence and I don’t just mean texting or messaging evidence.You need photos and witnesses because you could find yourself with a harassment charge very quickly.
And if he can prove you are stalking innocent women, a judge will not look kindly on your request for a better financial settlement.
Be careful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jsb said:


> WH and I have been married for 4 years, no children. WH is a serial cheater (multiple affairs with multiple women). WH has been the breadwinner but I recently went to a job interview and am going to be employed soon. The lawyer I talked to said because of the duration of the marriage and the fact that I am able to find jobs that pay reasonably well, I won’t get much alimony if any at all. We bought a house together while we are married. But we paid it with cash and mostly from his inheritance and savings. Lawyer said I will get much less than 50% of the house equity because that. I have proof of his adultery. He has a fairly visible position at the place he works. I would like to get more out of the divorce financially than what the lawyer told me. My question is: should I get another lawyer or try to negotiate a settlement myself? I live in a fault/no fault divorce state.


If he cheated over and over, why did you stay with him for 4 years? Did he also cheat before you two married?

I also read this as you suggesting that you might be able to basically blackmail him into a better settlement by threatening to expose him at work for cheating. Well, that could backfire. He could lose his job. That could end up with your getting even less in the settlement.

His inheritance is his separate property so you have no right to any of it. 

The law is pretty clear on how marital property is divided. Your lawyer explained it to you.

You might be able to find a lawyer who will tell you that they can get you more. But keep in mind that they do this by causing a fight, a huge ugly fight. Then you and your stbx will spend all your money paying legal fees. You most likely will not end up with anything more than what your current lawyer is telling you.

If you can earn enough to support yourself, there is no reason you should get any alimony. Your lawyer is right.

Your goal here should be to get away from your cheating husband and start over, not how to enrich yourself beyond what the law allows.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> If he cheated over and over, why did you stay with him for 4 years? Did he also cheat before you two married?
> 
> I also read this as you suggesting that you might be able to basically blackmail him into a better settlement by threatening to expose him at work for cheating. Well, that could backfire. He could lose his job. That could end up with your getting even less in the settlement.
> 
> ...


totally agree with EleGirl, I'm going through a divorce (23 years and children.) I won't go into details but wanted to say The biggest gift that no money could buy is freedom from the whole thing. I also have things on my ex but really at the end of the day and I have to pay him out is the fact that I am free. Don't look to punish him just be gracious and fair and walk away from him with what you owed, nothing more nothing less. You will be happier trust me.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

See what his lawyer proposes as a settlement. State that you will need time to consider it. If you like it, accept it. If you don't like; quietly, in person and without witnesses tell your husband that you don't think it is fair and you wonder what his employer would think of his behavior. Have a figure in mind beforehand. It may not get you anywhere. But, you won't know if you don't try. If he doesn't up the ante, follow through after the divorce is final. 

Don't be worried about taking the low road - you can't be any lower than him.


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## jsb (Sep 11, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> If he cheated over and over, why did you stay with him for 4 years? Did he also cheat before you two married?


I only just found out about his affairs a couple months ago.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

It'll be much easier on your sanity to split things up the standard way. It doesn't sound like the adultery will legally benefit you in your state. If you're hoping to get a better settlement because you're going to out him at work, that could be considered blackmail. He could also tie up the process which would mean lots of money spent on lawyers.

It sounds like you're going to be much better off without him. For your long-term happiness, I recommend going with what your lawyer recommends. Cut your losses and start your new life.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

jsb said:


> WH has been the breadwinner but I recently went to a job interview and am going to be employed soon.


Have you been employed at all during the marriage? 
You state that you paid with cash and "mostly" from HIS inheritance and savings. I'm guessing that mostly, he will get the proceeds from these assets because
he essentially "brought in" these funds to the marriage from savings which occurred prior to the marriage.



jsb said:


> I am able to find jobs that pay reasonably well, I won’t get much alimony if any at all.


Yes. You have stated that your marriage is short-term. If you are ABLE to support yourself, you would probably be entitled only to short-term spousal support to allow you to get a reasonably-well-paying job. Couple months or so.



jsb said:


> I live in a fault/no fault divorce state.


Yep. So do I. Fuhgedaboudit..... go live your life in freedom from this scoundrel, and don't waste your money and time. The fact that he "cheated" won't mean jack.

BTDT. Fortunately, you have an honest lawyer who is trying to help you. I did, too.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

You're in a no-fault state so his actions won't affect the division of assets. Since most of his assets were his before marriage you have no claim to them. Alimony shouldn't happen for a short term marriage where you are able to work. So basically, you are entitled to half of the assets that were accumulated during the duration of the marriage that didn't come from his inheretence or savings. Basically, this means you are pretty much screwed if you were looking to take him to the cleaners. Odds are that any real legal battle will eat up whatever small share of the assets you were entitled to get, so I'd believe your attorney regarding what assets you can get, and get this divorce done as quickly and amicably as possible so you can move on with your life.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

jsb said:


> WH and I have been married for 4 years, no children. WH is a serial cheater (multiple affairs with multiple women). WH has been the breadwinner but I recently went to a job interview and am going to be employed soon. The lawyer I talked to said because of the duration of the marriage and the fact that I am able to find jobs that pay reasonably well, I won’t get much alimony if any at all. We bought a house together while we are married. But we paid it with cash and mostly from his inheritance and savings. Lawyer said I will get much less than 50% of the house equity because that. I have proof of his adultery. He has a fairly visible position at the place he works. I would like to get more out of the divorce financially than what the lawyer told me. My question is: should I get another lawyer or try to negotiate a settlement myself? I live in a fault/no fault divorce state.


I understand your disappointment and desire to punish your husband by getting more $ in the settlement. However, you are not dependent on him (through children) and you have already gotten a good job.

His inheritance is his own, whether he cheated or not. Be glad you enjoyed living in the house he bought for 4 years.

Leave this sham of a marriage with your head held high. By all means, take whatever financial returns the court allows. Your husband will be bent out of shape no matter how much or little you get.

Live well. That will be enough revenge.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How did the two of you meet?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Not sure where you are from, but in the U.S., there's an important tradition. That is the wife searches for the lawyer who says she get the most, husband looks for the toughest nastiest lawyer, and the couple usually blows 100,000 plus with each lawyer blaming the other lawyer for being unreasonable while searching for a new boat or BMW.


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## jsb (Sep 11, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> How did the two of you meet?


We used to work at the same company. That’s where we first met. Shortly after we started dating I moved to another company(a promotion, nothing to do with him). He is still with the same company.


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## jsb (Sep 11, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> jsb said:
> 
> 
> > WH and I have been married for 4 years, no children. WH is a serial cheater (multiple affairs with multiple women). WH has been the breadwinner but I recently went to a job interview and am going to be employed soon. The lawyer I talked to said because of the duration of the marriage and the fact that I am able to find jobs that pay reasonably well, I won’t get much alimony if any at all. We bought a house together while we are married. But we paid it with cash and mostly from his inheritance and savings. Lawyer said I will get much less than 50% of the house equity because that. I have proof of his adultery. He has a fairly visible position at the place he works. I would like to get more out of the divorce financially than what the lawyer told me. My question is: should I get another lawyer or try to negotiate a settlement myself? I live in a fault/no fault divorce state.
> ...


 Thank you! I agree!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jsb said:


> We used to work at the same company. That’s where we first met. Shortly after we started dating I moved to another company(a promotion, nothing to do with him). He is still with the same company.


How old are the two of you?

And were either of you married when you met?


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## jsb (Sep 11, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> [
> 
> How old are the two of you?
> 
> And were either of you married when you met?


I’m in my 30s and he’s 8 years older than me. We were both single when we met, dated for a couple years and then got married. May I ask what does this have to do with my original question about divorce settlement?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

jsb said:


> I’m in my 30s and he’s 8 years older than me. We were both single when we met, dated for a couple years and then got married. May I ask what does this have to do with my original question about divorce settlement?


I can't answer for Gus, but many people come here whose spouse is cheating, and as it turns out their marriage started as an affair, and they are now reaping what they sowed. (Most marriages that start as affairs don't last, because one of them cheats again.) No one has sympathy for those people. They need to grow up, take the lumps that come, and not repeat their bad behavior in their next relationship, so it has a better chance of lasting.

Glad your relationship with your husband didn't start as an affair. You are a person of integrity, and you married a jerk, not knowing he is a serial cheater.

I totally understand your wanting to get him back by getting some of his money, but just be glad that you only wasted 6 years of your life on him.

I would suggest getting some counseling so you can learn to to see the signs/red flags, and learn to walk away from deceptive/inconsistent people, and choose better the next time.

Be very glad you don't have children with him. You have a chance to start completely anew.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Reading between the lines you are feeling you can negotiate from a position of strength because he may not want his affairs revealed in his workplace.
> If you start naming names then make sure you have incontrovertible evidence and I don’t just mean texting or messaging evidence.You need photos and witnesses because you could find yourself with a harassment charge very quickly.
> And if he can prove you are stalking innocent women, a judge will not look kindly on your request for a better financial settlement.
> Be careful.


I'm sure you've already thought of this - if you open the door about the position of strength / his work - be sure you don't have any scabs he or his lawyer can pick at. It will happen.

It sounds like you're in the right but just know if the hard press starts from jump street it will get real hostile real fast.

If you want alimony, do you really want him to lose his career, after only four years of marriage? Will he be able to, then will he without more court time pay alimony at all if he's unemployed?

I'm not saying you haven't been grossly wronged with his cheating. I'm sorry you're going through this.

No one deserves a marriage then immediate cheating and heartbreak. 

Best of luck,


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