# PE and infidelity garbage



## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

Any advice for a LD wife who has a HD husband, trouble getting aroused (never mind the mind games knowing your husband was sexually intimate with another) and then he only lasts a minute during actual intercourse? I am frustrated. 

Btw, his affair was over 2 1/2 years ago.

TIA


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

2little2late said:


> Any advice for a LD wife who has a HD husband, trouble getting aroused (never mind the mind games knowing your husband was sexually intimate with another) and then he only lasts a minute during actual intercourse? I am frustrated.
> 
> Btw, his affair was over 2 1/2 years ago.
> 
> TIA





2little2late said:


> Thanks for your input, both of you. *I just feel that there was a lot of rugsweeping and I never got answers to a lot of my questions. No explanations. No disclosure.*
> 
> I probably should just move on and focus on the present but *it has been over 2 years and I am still not healed* and still trying to fit the pieces together and fill in the blanks. I can usually push it aside, but then I start looking at that half done puzzle again.


Based on this post in your other thread, you're just not ready yet. Sorry you're going through this.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

T&T, thank you for your response. In regards to my other post, I have let that go. Whatever is on that phone doesn't matter. It is in the past. What I need to do is concentrate on having a successful marriage now and that includes solving our sexual problems.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

2little2late said:


> T&T, thank you for your response. In regards to my other post, I have let that go. Whatever is on that phone doesn't matter. It is in the past. What I need to do is concentrate on having a successful marriage now and that includes solving our sexual problems.


Okay, how is he outside the bedroom. Is he non sexually affectionate with you? 

Do you date?

What has he done to make up for the PA? Is he trying very hard to regain your trust? 

If you have difficulty getting aroused, I would think there's other issues at hand.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

T&T said:


> Okay, how is he outside the bedroom. Is he non sexually affectionate with you?


Yes. 



T&T said:


> Do you date?


Not as often as I would like



T&T said:


> What has he done to make up for the PA? Is he trying very hard to regain your trust?


He has been transparent with everything he does and anyone he talks to. He spends all time at home when not at work. I try very hard to meet his needs so that he doesn't stray again.

The only thing I wish he would do more of is talk to me about his thoughts and feelings.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Maybe he just can't talk to you about his feelings and what happened.

It would appear that he is genuinely remorseful about what he did - he is being transparent, spends all of his free time at home, is non sexually affectionate with you etc. Perhaps he is just so ashamed of what he did that he just wants to forget about it all and move on. Live for today and tomorrow not yesterday.

If this IS what it is then the only way he might open up and talk about it is with a consellor. Sometimes there are things that you just feel you cannot share with your spouse....


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Op are you LD or just lost all respect for your spouse? I wouldn't blame you at all for having no drive for a cheater but maybe it's because of that affair you don't want to have sex with him ?


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## poolboy (Sep 3, 2014)

if he's rarely getting any from you, then i can see him only lasting a minute when he finally gets some. he's probably walking around ready to let one loose every time he bumps into the cabinet. give him 20 minutes and try again.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

askari said:


> Maybe he just can't talk to you about his feelings and what happened.
> 
> It would appear that he is genuinely remorseful about what he did - he is being transparent, spends all of his free time at home, is non sexually affectionate with you etc. Perhaps he is just so ashamed of what he did that he just wants to forget about it all and move on. Live for today and tomorrow not yesterday.
> 
> If this IS what it is then the only way he might open up and talk about it is with a consellor. Sometimes there are things that you just feel you cannot share with your spouse....


I believe he is ashamed and wants to move on. I do as well, but some days it's not easy.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Op are you LD or just lost all respect for your spouse? I wouldn't blame you at all for having no drive for a cheater but maybe it's because of that affair you don't want to have sex with him ?


I've always been LD. I just never have the craving for sex. But he can usually arouse me if I can block stuff out and stay in the moment.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

poolboy said:


> if he's rarely getting any from you, then i can see him only lasting a minute when he finally gets some. he's probably walking around ready to let one loose every time he bumps into the cabinet. give him 20 minutes and try again.


Pool boy, we had sex 3 times in the last 10 days and every time he was satisfied and I was not. Then, he is snoring within minutes. 

I am more than willing to up the frequency but it's difficult to be intimate with someone when we are so disconnected. No dates, no conversation, no fun. I'm very bored with my marriage right now.

And I know he is still masturbating even when I told him that I don't want him to.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

3 times in 10 days is not even close to enough to get him to stop masturbating.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> 3 times in 10 days is not even close to enough to get him to stop masturbating.


Really? See, 3 times in 10 days is a lot for me. Guess how many times we went out in those 10 days.......zero!

But anyway, I believe if he wasn't masturbating, he wouldn't be conditioned to get off quickly.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

2little2late said:


> But anyway, I believe if he wasn't masturbating, he wouldn't be conditioned to get off quickly.


Interesting perspective. To me your post here highlights the fact that everyone does it differently, even when it comes to masturbation. Personally I never masturbate quickly like that. And I never thought about guys doing it that way. I actually hold myself on edge for much longer than actual sex when I do it. But then, when it comes to actual sex I have to remind myself to watch for ques that she's getting tired or dry or sore and let myself finish, otherwise it would go for far too long.


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## 2little2late (Oct 7, 2014)

I've read many articles that link excessive masturbation to PE. I don't know if he is excessive or not. He knows that I am disgusted by it so I wouldn't know. I really don't get the reason for it at all.


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