# Does anyone else feel lonely sometimes?



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Hi, 

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum. Mods please move my post if it's not.

Long story short I have been separated from my husband for 2 years. I recently started to feel very lonely. I do have friends and all that but I miss intimacy and affection. Our marriage was rocky for years and due to various factors it wasn't all that affectionate. 

I honestly believe my husband never loved me. The marriage was a farce in my eyes and I often wonder what it feels like be loved by someone of the opposite sex. Of course I love my children and they love me too. Due to confidence issues I am not looking for anyone else in person or on the Internet. 

I think our divorce will only conclude towards the end of the year. For this reason, it also doesn't feel right to be dating anyone else even if I met or was introduced to someone else. Please don't hammer me for this!

I'm going out of my mind. HELP!


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Find somewhere to put your focus. Volunteer, play a sport you enjoy in an adult rec league, learn to play a musical instrument, join a writing group .... You get the idea.

And work on that confidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

It is perfectly normal to feel lonely, to be scared, to crave affection, to want attention, to cry into your pillow and to miss him!

It's entirely up to you if you want the above feelings to linger or 
if you want them to dissipate. 

Be Strong !!


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Threeblessings, I believe strongly that my h did what he did because he didn't love himself. He had health issues and he was aging and he just didn't want to be proactive about it; I've said repeatedly he is a Peter Pan, and his grandmother doted on him, spoiled him, and she and his mother fought over his affection. Everything was external and he never developed a healthy sense of himself and his own manhood. 

Before you can possibly even consider entering another relationship, it is very important for you to find out who you are, what you care about, what you were put here to do, and find for yourself your own intrinsic value and worth. Define yourself FOR yourself, and then go out in the world and let it know who you are and what you're about, and you'll attract people with the same interests as you. I'm all for working, volunteering, getting busy and getting about, but quiet time of introspection about the challenges your marriage and your h's cheating and what it has done to you, and also what it has SHOWN you, is important too. Balance balance balance . . . use activities to learn what you like and don't like, and let that help you shape the process of getting back in touch with who you are. 

One example for me is that I am a musician, and was a music major once in college. I play piano, was a voice minor, and also play French horn, but I've always wanted to learn the violin. Today I was listening to classical music in the office and one of my favorite pieces came on, and it was piano and violin. I made a quick commitment to myself that once this dissertation is over, I'm signing up for violin lessons and getting back into voice lessons (along with learning another language or two). I work at a University with a HUGE fine arts college (and lots of language programs), so why not? I can walk over on my lunch hour! I remember playing with orchestras or singing with choirs and being so overcome by the beauty of the sounds and the realization that some of it was coming from me, as though my spirit was finding expression without words, without much of anything but just sheer beautiful huge collective sound of humanity for its own sake. For a few minutes I left the banal and the ordinary and was transported into a timeless place of sheer beauty, just because. Just because if we don't, then what's the point? 

What kinds of beautiful things can you add into your life that become a part of the warp and woof of your day or week or month, and how might those things not only enrich your life but also put you back in touch with yourself? What makes your soul soar? Go find it and do it. Then you'll know that life and existence is more than who we're married to, who we live with, and who rejects us. Find you. Love you. My husband and the loss of my marriage broke my heart but in the grand cosmic scheme of things, well, meh. And there doesn't have to be an end goal or objective, other than to just feel alive. And if you experience and can't BEGIN to explain it, even better.


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