# I feel like such a stupid fool!!!



## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

Ladies, please do us men a favor. Don't BS us by saying "Oh, I want romance and to hold hands... that's why I am not interested in sex." It's BS. Just come out and say it: " I DON'T WANT SEX WITH YOU PERIOD!!!" Today my wife and I were walking holding hands. It was nice. I put my arm around her. It was nice. We got home and I started massaging her. I wanted her to sit down next to me. I wasn't even looking for sex, but if that was what it would turn into then great. I wanted to touch her and hold her and maybe kiss for once. BUT SHE IGNORED ME LIKE ALL THE OTHER TIMES!!! SHE WAS ****ING INDIFFERENT TO ME LIKE ALL THE OTHER TIMES!!! EVEN AFTER HAVING A NICE TIME WALKING HAND IN HAND IT DIDN'T CHANGE ****!!!!!!!! Now I see the light. SHE'S JUST NOT INTO ME!!!! I FEEL LIKE SUCH A STUPID FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

so it sounds like you expected to be immediately reward for holding hands and put your arm around her . if this isnt something you do on a regular basis I think you're a little bit crazy to think don't it once will get the response your looking 4 . if you truly wanna make this different you will will have to romance her on a regular basis .
I don't know how long you been married but I guess you haven't been having a regular sex life . and I know how frustrating and hurtful it is when your spouse doesn't seem to want you . 

maybe you could take her out for a nice dinner just the 2 of you get a bottle of wine sittin talk over dinner and talk about what you'd like to see free relationship how you'd like to change it. ask her what she would like from the relationship and how the 2 of you can work together to fulfil 1 another's needs . sex is a big need for most men and many women . just be careful how you stress that need to her . 

you get into difficult waters when the response is well I'd have sex with you if I were not so tired from working or cleaning the house for taking care the children . if that's the case I need those things a been going on for any length of time without the kind of support she thinks she needs from you there maybe a lot of resentment in her . that isnt easy stuff overcome.

that point I would step up my help and support of her but I will suggest immediately beginning therapy together . it might provide a c forum for discussion .

it's really easy to become suspicious of another person's motivation when they have been doing the same thing for so long . you becoming more affectionate isn't necessarily going to get you what you desire at least not at first . but there have to be a balance even if she's not all over you for sex if you are meeting some of those anything you're going to have to require that she meet some of yours . you both need to have boundaries but you both need to realize that the 2 of you are in marriage alone and it to view a required to love and cherish 1 another and that includes attempting to be the best husband and wife you can . 

facebook her needs his need for probably be good for the 2 of you .

hey I understand your rant but it isnt really representative of the truth . but if you're going to rant rant to us and not to her .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misticli (Oct 28, 2011)

You really sound like you need to vent, but just going by what you wrote this does not indicate in any way that your wife is not interested in you. When you have lack of intimacy it can take a while to build that connection again. The situation changing when you got home sounds like she thought you where doing is as a warm up to sex and she was not there emotionally.

Did you talk to her about it?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

what I tried to say was it she is going to have to meet some of your needs as well once you get more use to meeting her needs .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

WTA?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Some questions: is the only time you are affectionate with her is when you want sex? I have read over and over that women need plenty of non-sexual touch (that is generally speaking of course. My wife is not the affectionate one in our relationship). Does she feel loved? Do a search on "The Five Love Languages". For example, physical touch is my love language. It was not until I learned that hers were acts of service and words of affirmation that I discover how to make her feel loved. 

I read a great article that said men spell sex S-E-X and women spell sex T-A-L-K. Many women need to feel emotionally intimate before they desire physical intimacy. The article is here:

intimacy in marriage


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I need lots of non sexual physical touch to feel close to my H so maybe I can help.

Now that I am older and wiser I know how to tell him what I need so we have successfully worked it out. All I need is small touches during the day. My H is a touchy person to begin with but early in our marriage he would touch me sexually almost exclusively, all the time. I told him I needed affection outside of sexual touch. We tried cuddling in the evening but he would get aroused so that was no good. then we tried little touches throughout the day and it works wonderfully. 

We hold hands when we are walking, he holds my waist to guide me when we are in a crowd, he puts his hands me when we are at gatherings etc. We touch frequently during the day especially in public. It makes me feel good when he reaches for me when we are out in public, like he is staking his claim. the touches are often fleeting, or brief or just a protective stance, he opens doors for me he treats me like I am special even when if he is pissed with me. I think that's what she may want. Not so much holding hands but more little attentive touches throughout the day. 

I read a few articles on the Marriage Builders web site that you may want to take a look at. Your wife has to understand that if you have not had sex and you cuddle with her you will become aroused. Dah. So I don't think it if fair to expect you to become all hot and bothered and not have sex. That what the MB web site deals with, how to be non sexually affectionate for her and sexually affectionate for you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> WTA?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My thoughts, exactly! I have thought that since reading all of his posts.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

The writing style is exactly the same. Someone should cross reference the IP address.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

Thank you all for your feedback. It hurts not getting the love that I always thought marriage should be about. I appreciate your feedback.


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> what I tried to say was it she is going to have to meet some of your needs as well once you get more use to meeting her needs .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Meeting her needs... I do try. I try to do as much as I can around the house. I can always do more. I should take the time to be a better listener and take the time to communicate calmly and confidently to her. I do realize I have to have more of an attention span for my wife's conversations. When she wants to discuss issues of her job with me, I find myself wanting to go to another room and go on the computer. That is very wrong. I going to change that. I will show her I am interested in her and want to hear what she has to say.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Married Man Sex Life


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Married Man Sex Life


Thank you for the link. I will review it.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

its all about control, she has it and you dont


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> its all about control, she has it and you dont


Then how do I get control?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

AnotherEarthling said:


> Then how do I get control?


You get control by being the man of the house... being the consistent one in the marriage. Start challenging your wife more and don't be afraid to speak out when she upsets you. She needs to know there are barriers not to be crossed. In essence train your wife how to be a wife!

It's taken a lot for my wife to see me as her husband because I was too weak before. She treated me like one of the boys or one of her employees... take control. Your wife will respond better and eventually it will lead to better sex.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband likes to hold hands and snuggle with me. He actually makes time every night whether it's 5 minutes or 1/2 hour.

Sorry you were rejected. I'd be hurt too. I love sex just as much as my husband. I'd be hurt if my hubby rejected me and I know he feels the same way. Neither of us show our hurt feelings when it comes to sex and rejection, we just wait until another day.

Not all women understand truly what a man's needs are. I just figured this out a few months back. We've been married 12 years and have gone months with zero sex. My husband never once shown his frustrations. He is very patient and I finally came around. Now I rock his world and he does mine! 

Good luck. I hope your wife soon understands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

AnotherEarthling said:


> Thank you all for your feedback. It hurts not getting the love that I always thought marriage should be about. I appreciate your feedback.


Get the book "5 Love Languages".

I, like you, need touch to 'feel love'. Not sex, though sex is great, but just _touch_. When I touch my wife even briefly it means ILY. But she doesn't know that! To her it is just a touch. Or worse, she thinks it is a manipulative attempt to get sex.

If she moves away from me on the couch when I sit very close, it seems like a rejection to me. To her, though, she is politely giving me a bit more space so I am not crammed in.

The wife has different Love Languages than I do. She feels loved when I do things for her. Gee, that would explain why she feels rejected when I don't! When she does something nice for me and all it gets her is a bland Thank You from me, she feels rejected and unloved.

You are probably reading rejection into things which your wife does not really mean as rejections. Get the book (free at your local library maybe), and both read it. It has been a miracle in my marriage.


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