# Developing Wisdom Each Day



## StandbyMe (Aug 5, 2011)

I have not posted in awhile. We are closing in on 50 days of our separation. No, I don't know if she is coming back at this point. We have began communication on the phone and e-mails in the last few days. What I want to talk about in this post is patients. It is very easy to get caught up in emotions the first few weeks when something like this happens. Your tend to push, you tend to push until you back your wife into a corner. You can not push issues that she does not want to talk about. There reaches a point during something like this that you must take a step back and take a look at yourself. Are you doing things for yourself to correct old habits. It has helped me a lot to read during this time. Finding books to improve yourself mentally and physically. Sure, you will have down days,. you will be somewhere and thoughts will run through your mind. You will think of a specific event .. a hotel you stayed at, a vacation, a restaurant you ate at. You are thinking of the good times. Then reality sinks back in "How did I screw all of this up" You blame yourself for everything that has happened. It is very very difficult on these days as most of you know. I found myself living in a bubble I was dazed. You would be around family and your mind is in another world. 
50 days is not long to some of the people on this website as some are going through 6 months or more of this. 50 days is a lifetime for others but if you don't develop patients you are in deep trouble. I have discovered over the past couple of weeks to slow down and have a gentler approach. When we talk on the phone whoever makes the call we let them talk while the other listens. This seems to be working, sure an occasional interaction is needed. But listening to the one talking gives the other a opportunity to listen to the others thoughts. 
I have discovered that I don't talk about the relationship when I communicate on the phone with her. I am taking this very slow developing patients along the way. 
Another thing is making your wife feel comfortable. Both of your lives are turned upside down. Her's more than yours as she is in a different environment. If possible help pay her rent, give her money send her mail to her and continue the normally activities as much as possible. Some might think this is crazy. I want to know that wherever this goes good or bad that I have made every attempt to improve myself and at the same time make her feel comfortable until she decides what path she wants to go. You know in your own heart what path you want it to go but until she feels it in her heart you must patiently wait without pushing her into a corner. I hope in weeks or months I have a success story but time will tell. I am a different person from all of this. It is hard to pick yourself up off the floor on certain days .. I am taking life one day at a time these days.
This is a very slow process, one you can't rush.


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