# Dryness



## jai (Oct 3, 2008)

Hello out there, I am new here, not sure how to get started with my question, but here' goes. For the past few months my boyfriend and I have noticed that I'm dry and for it seems I get cut everytime we have sex now. He said he noticed that I'm not even aroused We've tried to talkabout it on several occassions, he tells me how he feel about it. He's told me that it's kind of a turn ff for him b/c he feels that I don't want him. I've told him that I think it is due to the stress in our relationship a few months back because when he started stressing me out I used to go to sleep hoping he didn't try to touch me. Now when he gives me oral he says he puts alot of spit down there in order to have sex. I don't know how to get wet again for him.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

There are all types of lubes that you can use but I would look for the deeper issue.

draconis


----------



## jai (Oct 3, 2008)

Oh, I forgot to mention, that we use lube. That's is the only moisture that occurs down there. There are trust issues and lack of communiation. When I try to talk he sometimes gets defensive and runs off at the mouth, before I used to argue back. Now I just tell him that he is predictable and that usually shuts his rant of curses. We do have good times, fun times, but I need to get to the bottom of this so we can move on.


----------



## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

I use to do the same thing. I would pretend i was sleeping when my husband tried to touch me because i was not in the mood. that definitely is a mood killer for a man. i use to do that when i was not feeling emotionally conneted to my husband.


----------



## jai (Oct 3, 2008)

Last night I told him that I discussed my dryness with my married girlfriend only becuase he asked. As I was telling him< i noticed his eyes started looking watery while he was starring at the tv. When I stopped b/c I thought he wasn't listening he kept telling me to continue. He said a few nights ago when we had sex, as he gave me oral he put a bunch of spit down there so we could hav sex. I responded by saying that I don't want him to have to do that, his reply was " I'm just trying to work with you". After a pause, he left the room to go on the computer for about 30-45mins. Once he came back, I asked him if he was in a bad mood, he said I can finish what I have to say, but he had his back to me facing the tv. I then finished by telling him that she said if a woman's mind and heart are not insinc that other things may not functions well. I also told him that my lack of trust for him has gotten better. He kissed me goodnight, but he didn't fall asleep until 5:45am. When he woke up this afternoon, he had an attitude, he didn't kiss me or say goodbye nor did he eat or ask me to make him somethng. I think he's feeling rejected and I don't know what to do or not to do...


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

As Drac' said, and from your posts, there seem to be much deeper issues. 

Communication is the primary key to any relationship. 

I'd suggest that you sit him down, maybe after a nice (but not elaborate) dinner, possibly a glass (no more than 2!) of wine (and no further drinking!) and talk about just what's going on. Very non-confrontational! Maybe say: "sit down, baby. I want us to talk." 

Something is going on here and it isn't your lack of lubrication. 

Anent the spit and "wanting to work with you" - BS (to me). Yes, spit is a mild lubricant. But if you're into it, you wouldn't need it. 

But there's a reason your mind and body are not in sync. 

What did he do when on the computer for 30-45 minutes? I don't blame him for feeling rejected...he's not up to the task (as it were). 

Something's going on in his head. You need to sit him down and make him explain what it is.


----------



## Guest (Oct 4, 2008)




----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Talk to your gynocologist about the problem. They'll probably want to check some of your hormone levels. This problem is most frequently seen in menopausal women. If this is a hormonal problem, a compounding pharmacy can easily help with the problem. At least a problem with the hormones will be easier to fix than an emotional problem....


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

agreed deeper issue here, see a Dr. and communication needs to be improved


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ur_next_ex - doing it in the bath tube doesn't work well as water isn't a good lube and it still doesn't address the deeper issues.

draconis


----------



## Mary-Lou (Oct 4, 2008)

I agree with draconis and dcrim on this.
You need to talk with your husband and also to simply tell hm that you dont feel like making love when you are not up to it.
If you dont feel sexy then why should your body act as if.
Some women can experience dryness due to the prevention pill as it have that effect on all women at a higher or lesser level, but for some it will result in being totaly dry.
In your case it is about how oyu feel for your husband and from the little you told us the issue here seems to be that he simply dont give a damn about you.
If he did, he will shut off the Tv when youa re tlaking to him about htose things and opening up about the problem, will face you , take your hand, and look into your eyes,a nd ask questions and ask how he could mprove it and what is wrong and how he feel and so on.
Instead he turn his back on you and do not give a damn!
to spit on oyur sex isnt going to make anythign beter and he should know that.
From what i can see, he isnt use of talking to you about anythign seriosu and you never talk deeply together about your feelingfs nor about sex and how you feel about it.
If so, he will never balmed you for being dry! and balme you for not wantign sex!
so what?
if oyu dotn want sex he should say sorry and not try to force himself in, and if he can see you are not excited then he should do more ofr it. And a blow job might do it for a man, but he should know that it crave more for a woman than oral, and that the problem is about tenderness and closeness.
All thsoe things are put aside, and show that the communication is the problem and not sex. I wills ay that its your body fighting and responding to that lack of love and communication.
My drop here will be that he is disrespectfull of you to watch tv while you try to talk to him about that problem and go in the middle to work on his computer!
That is so shocking!
It i too the kind of things you should tell him face on and ask him why he react like that and turn his head away of you when you talk to him about those things.
No need for dinner.
tell him we need to talk together and sit him down without tv, and try to adress most of the issues and do so every evening for a week and make it a habit in the future to always talk together like that undisturbed at least once a week.
You can also in advance set up rules: no blaming games, no high voice, no angry outbursts, no change of subject.
it should help.
Tel him i dont feel so close related to you and i feel like you dont respect me much. Make a list in advance so oyu are a bit more clear with yourself as for what can be the problem.
Agree on what to do to resolve it.
It might not work and resolve it all the first time but little after little everyday it will resolve things.
Its been a big problem that has been hidde for long and who is now showing its ugly head and forcing you both to do something about it.

Good luck with it.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

It is not just that you are too dry FOR HIM. What about being aroused so you can enjoy intimacy as well?

Are you unable to be aroused in any situation? By yourself even?

I agree with others that you need to address this with a gyn.

But additionally, your husband is not even being sensitive to your needs. I also think the two of you may not know too much about how the arousal/stimulation cycle works for each of you.

Some basic information should be looked into.


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

i say try masterbation while hes not home and see if its you or it really is him.


----------



## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

KY Jelly Personal Lubricant, Liquid ... This is really goood too and so I have used it and it is really good. So, give it a try sometime !!!


----------

