# wife affair and divorce



## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @robert0682 ~ Get yourself to a lawyer post haste to start in protecting your financial assets and your home!

Also, do the two of you have any children together?*


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

robert0682 said:


> All,
> 
> Just getting this off my chest. Because I do not know for fact, but suspect. My wife is hiding an affair. We will be divorced. Her guilt is so much she is willing to give me all that is mine without issue. She claims she needs space to be with friends I have never met as the reason for divorce.
> 
> ...


1. Echo the question, any kids?
2. I'm not really clear here, it sounds like she wanted a divorce but it's not laid out completely here. How long ago did she say she wanted a divorce and did she constantly hammer that this is what she wanted no if ands or buts about it, not really important but just curious to add more clarity to the situation.
3. She is most likely having an affair, 98% sure based upon what you have told us but in the beginning you are guessing but further down you claim she is in a new relationship. Does that mean she is openly in a relationship now and the affair was before that you are guessing or are they both the same thing?

You are most likely doing the right thing but the answers can give more clarity. If there's an affair, no kids and you are receiving this treatment, there's no doubt you are on the right course.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Not that hard to find someone of you really want to.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

robert0682 said:


> Her guilt is so much she is willing to give me all that is mine without issue.


While she's in this mood, get her to agree to these things in writing, right now, and have her sign off on it. ASAP. Now now now. Be accommodating the friendly until the documents are signed. Tomorrow she might feel very differently as she starts to rationalize the affair and demonize you in her mind. Get the divorce. If she comes back to her senses, you can always remarry with a very favorable prenuptial agreement.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Take it and leave. If she follows the cheater script, once she is in her new life, the convenience and money associated with life in your house suddenly evaporates, then, reality hits with a dull thud. Oh, he may be ethnically like her, however, he is miles different from you, and that will become apparent in short order. Your life with her was likely untraditional. If she was looking to assuage guilt for marrying out, or gave into some cultural imperative, then you are well away from that situation.

If the script is being followed to a T, then sometime 3 to 6 months from divorce, you may get a tearful, despondent woman seeking her old life back. I would not give it to her.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Let her go. 

Don't bother investigating at this point.

Focus on asset protection.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Tell her you know she is cheating and don't care (even if you do). Tell her to have a nice life and ghost. You will heal with time. Go on and have a happy life.

When this thing with the guy at work blows up (I bet he is not married for a reason) she is going to want you back. Don't take her back. Move on to people who work on their problems not hide them until they run away from them. 

Life is too short.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Robert I'm sorry this happened to you. It hurts. It sucks. You don't deserve what she is doing.

Do what the others have said: protect your assets and get her to sign off on the most favorable divorce agreement you can. Once this is done and she is served, go dark. I mean B-2 bomber dark. Don't text her, don't call her, don't accept communications from her. Cut her off totally. At this point it is about self-preservation for you. You need to begin healing and moving on. 

Make sure you are eating healthy, exercising and talking to someone. Talk to someone of flesh and blood... a priest, a counselor, etc., about what you are going through. Talking to us on TAM is good, but not enough.


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## maryslittlelamb (Dec 17, 2017)

which asian country is she from and do you have any culture related problems in the marriage ?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

maryslittlelamb said:


> which asian country is she from and do you have any culture related problems in the marriage ?


I'm sorry but I fail to see what the ethnicity of wife is and how that relates to the Germaine issues of asset protection.


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## maryslittlelamb (Dec 17, 2017)

im asian im asking for a reason


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

maryslittlelamb said:


> im asian im asking for a reason


Oh!
What is the reason?


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Don't take her back. Move on to people who work on their problems not hide them until they run away from them.


The hard-earned wisdom of a betrayed spouse. Listen to it. This gem is generally true.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Ewww.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

robert0682 said:


> Just my story, for the benefit of the next guy. I will update with the divorce results.


Can't wait!

You must be some specimen to have hit that " 14 year old girl" bod and be Mr. Number One for 18 years.

And then she dumped your ass.

How did that work out for you?

Oh yeah- just go buy the replacement.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

robert0682 said:


> Nice body, like a 14 year old girl,


WTF?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Appears to be lot of chain yankery these days, or maybe just sick individuals but this is beyond the pale.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

BobSimmons said:


> Appears to be lot of chain yankery these days, or maybe just sick individuals but this is beyond the pale.


Yeah- this is scrapping the bottom.

Not sure what to make of this.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## maryslittlelamb (Dec 17, 2017)

this question is not for you


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Robert, why in the world would you deal with this drama...have her sign the paper and then deal with her after....personally I would move on.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Robert, the guy is probably married and now that she is 'free' gave her the heave ho. 

As far as them not having sex if course they did. She is lying to you. Period, end of story, lots of sex. She will only admit to the obvious that you can prove. Standard cheating spouse operating procedure.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

robert, if you want to start over with her, do it after the divorce, this way you keep the assets, if you take her back now before the papers are signed she can later divorce you for a lot more...this way if she wants to come back don't make it easy make her work for it, have her sign the papers...kill this marriage then start dating or living together, my guess is she will not give up the other guy right now and you will look like a fool. right now you need to protect yourself.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

robert0682 said:


> Sure, it bothers me a lot and every day I get more tired of it. But, I like the sex. We have memories and we had a fun marriage. Plus, I am in my late forties and not too excited about the options, moving and starting over. *So, I am more willing to see if she comes back then I might be if I was much younger*.


We put up with a lot of crap because of fear.

BTDT

You'll hate yourself later.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Why are you airing on a lawyer that won’t produce? Have you already paid her? Why not find another lawyer?

Where is she living? Do you know his name? Is she safe?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Can you text her?


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

robert0682 said:


> Just my story, for the benefit of the next guy. I will update with the divorce results.


You're the man! You're going to be fine after all this.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Stop trying to contact her. She has told you all you need to know through her silence. Go forward with the divorce and start a new life. She's gone my friend. 

The little bit that she does give you is just enough to keep you hooked to her. Take the hook out of your mouth, detach, and move on. The faster you do the faster you will heal.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

robert0682, the lawyer works for you, there is no magic here. You paid the attorney the correct?


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

robert0682 said:


> Now, after much texting. We get back to the center of the problem, happiness. This gets clouded by fears of adultery, which could very well be ongoing.
> 
> My wife stated, after 14 years, she realized she could be happy without me. At first thought this sounds terrible. But, in explanation it is understandable. She thought she could only be happy with me. But, over time work made her happy. Friends made her happy. Pursuing her interests made her happy. And likely, being with a new guy made her happy.
> 
> ...


Dude, REALLY?

What basis do you have to believe ANYTHING your wife says?
How long are you going to wait for your WIFE to come home from screwing another man? You say you make plenty of money and yet say she is "paying your bills"...... I don't get it. Why would she do that if you make a lot more than her?
Why is she taking days to "come back home"...... Sunday or Monday? Why then? Why not TODAY???
Last of all, if your lawyer is real and is anything but a quack, he WOULD quickly give you papers for her to sign. I don't believe this story of a lawyer dragging his feet on this part. My lawyer had mine ready pretty much immediately. Granted, I have few (if any) assets and you apparently do. Still, there's no reason to wait. Get a different lawyer.

This story is not logical.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

robert0682 said:


> It's Saturday. We met Friday during her lunch hour. We had sex. Best sex ever, really. The marriage is over. She's been seeing a guy named Chris, he's me with another guy's face. She never answers my calls outside of work hours. I called Friday night. Got no answer, no surprise. Then I sent a bunch of angry texts and calls, not a good thing. I was drunk.
> 
> I don't think she's coming back Sunday or Monday. I loved the sex. I'm a bit worried I won't be able to contact her and go to the lawyer's office to sign our divorce paperwork. Being served and signing is easiest.
> 
> ...


You don't need her to cooperate to get divorced. She gets served. Done. Wash your hands. Literally and figuratively because you are having sex with your soon to be ex who you know has just been with another man.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

robert0682 said:


> It's Saturday. We met Friday during her lunch hour. We had sex. Best sex ever, really. The marriage is over. She's been seeing a guy named Chris, he's me with another guy's face. She never answers my calls outside of work hours. I called Friday night. Got no answer, no surprise. Then I sent a bunch of angry texts and calls, not a good thing. I was drunk.
> 
> I don't think she's coming back Sunday or Monday. I loved the sex. I'm a bit worried I won't be able to contact her and go to the lawyer's office to sign our divorce paperwork. Being served and signing is easiest.
> 
> ...


You got divorce papers ready to end the relationship with her, not have sex which will just throw you backwards emotionally. Don't keep trying to contact her, have your lawyer arrange a time with her to sign.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

robert0682 said:


> Worse part is, I have not worked in two years. And I have no friends here. So, it has been a tough time for me. I didn't even have a driver's license. I'm retired. So, it's been get a license, renew the passport, and try to think of someplace to go and have fun.
> 
> Looking back she kept pushing me to make friends for about a month or so. Trying to unload me on someone else.
> 
> ...


at 48 you're way to young to become a cuckolded doormat. Do you really think a woman would want someone without any respect for themselves.

Wake up


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

My head is spinning!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Robert,

you are a lost soul, you chased after money, you chased after a career, you chased after younger woman, and expected to find happiness, but in the end none of those made you happy....don't you think its time to find out why...stop trying to escape for the wrong reason, your time and energy should be better spent trying to find answers in therapy than in trying to take a mulligan on your marriage. You will never find peace in another relationship until you find peace in your self, your money may help you attract women, but for the wrong reasons, and they will stay for the wrong reasons as well. I truly wish you luck but what you really need is help.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If you have not done so, please separate your finances. Get a different bank account, have your pay check deposited there, no more joint account with her.

Cancel any credit card you and she share.

get on with it man!


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

robert0682 said:


> Well, today we met for lunch. For the first time ever. She works two miles from where we live and not once have I ever eaten lunch with her. It's a nice place where she eats lunch.
> 
> It's obvious I really hurt her over a period two years with my anger and negativity and not being positive about any friendship she may have. She said she would take days off from work, take trips and never tell me just to get away from me. There was tension over anger.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a formula for zero self-respect.

He gets the goods, you get the seconds.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Dude


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So stop being that guy! Pick yourself up! Support yourself (and her) for once!

What is stopping you?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I think everyone is being led on a string here......


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Robert i think every person on here has said it as many ways as possible ...about letting go and moving on but you are hell bent on burning yourself...your hell bent to keep this cheating cow in your life and string you along...YOUR BROKEN ROBERT, BROKEN...fix yourself before you do anything else, and god sake grow some balls. Money does not make the man, relationship does not make the man, a man is created by his own self-worth, and right now your penny-less.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The real concern, Robert, is why you love yourself so little that you are willing to tolerate such an arrangement.

And here's the real kicker...as you continue to tolerate this current arrangement, you are actually working against building love for yourself. 

Yes, you are making your situation worse. Your emotional bank account is already overdrawn...and you are still writing checks.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> I think everyone is being led on a string here......


Yup. Some inconsistencies and switchbacks going on here.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Rick Blaine said:


> Yup. Some inconsistencies and switchbacks going on here.


Agreed. He is "ten times wealthier than her" (opening post) but still takes money from her for rent etc ?!?!?!? He is OK with having sex with her while she is with Chris ?!?!?!?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Can't believe I wasted 5 minutes of my life to read this thread...


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

sigh


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator warning: *

The TAM rules are very clear. Members *do not* accuse other members of being trolls. Even in fancy dancy ways.

There is a report system for posts or threads that you think are dubious.

Calling people out on threads is not cool.


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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## robert0682 (Feb 20, 2018)

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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

robert0682 said:


> Well today I am hopeful we can be together again. She came back after work. We stayed together and we will get an apartment together. Mostly, I am starting to feel she, we, need a life outside of marriage, and I need to be happy. I worry she will leave again. And I try to be better and think more about her feelings.
> 
> For me, it is hard to imagine anyone or a low without her. This is my greatest problem. When she's gone I slide into depression, nothing gets done. When she back I feel complete again.
> 
> I told her to ignore the attorney. I feel stupid. But, I cannot deny my feelings for her and I must try to see where this will go.


I can't post too much on this thread because it's hard to watch someone slowly give is spirit away to someone who cares so little for it. You are in a kind of Chinese finger trap. Your response to this women's mistreatment of you, even your love of her is not the thing that is going to make you happy or give you a fulfilling life. Even her undying love won't do that. Here is what you can do to help yourself. 

Understand that what you have for this women is not love but more like addiction. 
Understand that you need help, as you are repeating a pattern that will never bring you happiness, by the way no matter what women you are with will as you don't really understand what love is. It requires a level of self respect and self protection that you just don't have at this time. 
Understanding that means all you can really do is work to change these things first.

Start by exercising and lifting weights. Get into the best physical condition you can.
Find hobbies and things that you are good at and make them part of the focus of your life. 
Make connections with people and really focus on friendships. 
Concentrate on your career and really make being successful a priory. Making money is good as well. 
If you are not already start counseling with a focus on codependency. 
Start reading books on codependency, for instance "codependency no more, the human magnet syndrome" are two that come to mind. 
Do all this without her involvement. Make this as much a primary focus as your relationship with her is.
If you need motivation tell yourself you are doing this so you can have a better relationship. 

Come back in 6 months and I bet you will have a different state of mind.


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