# plz help! 9 weels pregnant, husband left for OW



## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

I am trying to survive this betrayal compounded by the overwhelming pregnancy symptoms I have! I am so lonely, and scared. My husband moved in with the OW about a week ago, and shows absolutely no compassion for myself, four-year-old and his unborn child. He is NOT the man that I knew even a month ago!

I have been REALLY sick throughout this pregnancy, and am extremely exhausted. He will have nothing to do with any of us, and seems to have completely removed himself from any feelings of responsibility. How can he be so unfeeling!? It is so sad that no one in his life is encouraging him to be there for his children. I can't imagine being in the beginning stages of love and romance and have none of that peace and happiness effect my other dealings! If I was the OW, there is NO WAY I would be okay with my man abandoning his children. They are disgusting. Unfortunately, I do not have anyone who can help.

What am I to do!? (by the way, I have a lawyer, and I am filing for D next week, and I am going to a counselor nest week. He will be going with me after I have an individual session)


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

This is a tough one, I can tell you I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this, I am shocked that he wants nothing to do with the kids, I am in a tough spot right now but the kids are my main focus.

I will say that in my eyes you have done the right thing as far as getting an attny if he does not want to work on it, and also starting counseling. You will be okay in the end and I know it is hard to belive it now but keep your head up and take care of yourself. Keep your family and friends in the loop so they can help support you during this time. We are all here for you also.
I will keep you in my prayers and I wish you the best.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am so sorry you are here. Please know that people here will do their best to help here. We have all been though this is some way or another.



angelgal said:


> I am trying to survive this betrayal compounded by the overwhelming pregnancy symptoms I have! I am so lonely, and scared.


I am so sorry you are here. Do you have family you can contact? Other friends? Make this pubic.
You will be surprised at the people who will offer support. We can be here for you here. Post and people will do their best to help. 


angelgal said:


> My husband moved in with the OW about a week ago, and shows absolutely no compassion for myself, four-year-old and his unborn child. He is NOT the man that I knew even a month ago!


That is true. He is not the same person the speed that this can happen is astonishing. I am guessing that the OW is not married. I wonder if she knows your pregnant? Make it known. 
EXPOSE THE AFFAIR. 



angelgal said:


> I have been REALLY sick throughout this pregnancy, and am extremely exhausted.


Try and get help. Childcare? Eat something healthy! Go get an apple




angelgal said:


> He will have nothing to do with any of us, and seems to have completely removed himself from any feelings of responsibility. How can he be so unfeeling!? It is so sad that no one in his life is encouraging him to be there for his children. I can't imagine being in the beginning stages of love and romance and have none of that peace and happiness effect my other dealings! If I was the OW, there is NO WAY I would be okay with my man abandoning his children.


He is in the FOG. look it up on this site. Your job is to drop reality on him NOW. Talk to him about child support. Talk to him about reality only. Make him realize that he can't just skip in to the sunset. He needs a very hard reality check NOW.
I am sure you will think that he has been body snatched by aliens..



angelgal said:


> They are disgusting. Unfortunately, I do not have anyone who can help.


If you have nobody then lean heavily here. 
People will help. Post and vent on this thread as you need to . It is typical Affair behavior. See a counselor. If you have shared accounts split out any money into a separate account. Do this now.


angelgal said:


> What am I to do!? (by the way, I have a lawyer, and I am filing for D next week, and I am going to a counselor nest week. He will be going with me after I have an individual session)


You need to kick him out of his fantasy world. This may or may not work but GO NO CONTACT with him. Do not call. Do not text. Do not EMail. Delete him as a Friend on FB.


Good. File for divorce. Make sure he is aware of the CONSEQUENCES of this decision. Your being strong. Good.


Do NOT go to an counseling session with him while he is having an affair. You will but only AFTER he has ended the affair.

*Please wait for further advice on this before acting..There other people with more experience here you need to listen to. It will be incoming very soon *

*I am suggesting straight to Plan B . Others agree?*


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Your husband is probably in the romantic/lust stage of the relationship. You ask what is he thinking? Well frankly, he is not. He is being guided by his emotions and his only thoughts are "this feels good." Maybe he will wake up when he realizes what he is losing in his wife and children. I imagine that he will be out of lala land within the next couple of months and will hopefully wake up. How long does it take to finalize a divorce in Oregon?


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

Thank you all for your support!

*I spoke to the OW the morning I found out (about 3 wks ago) and she now knows I am pregs (didn't know), knows that H and I were VERY frequently intimate (she was surprised, and assumed we weren't because how COULD he when he was with HER?!), and that I had no idea divorce was on the table. She seemed compassionate (her second, out of 3, husband did this to her when she had 2 kids by him) and said that on no uncertain terms would she be with my H again, now or in the future. yeah right. She has now been sending me cruel texts. Nice. She is fricking 20 yrs older than me (and not as cute, and I would hope she has gotten some insight and emotional maturity during that time! Arg.

*No contact is difficult, because we have a 4 yr old, but I will eliminate anything unnecessary.

*Divorce can be finalized in 90 days in Oregon (I tried quoting from above responses to make all this easier to follow, but I ended up deleting all i had written instead! sorry!)

He has been vilifying me to anyone who listens! He keeps 'accidentally' sending me texts meant for the OW or family members that contain incredibly painful information. I am having such a hard time with this right now. My 1st post on this site some days ago explains more, but I just need to vent right now. It is so hard handling the hormones of pregnancy while knowing the hate he is spreading about me and that he has in his heart. It is so sad to know that he doesn't care about his baby, and the effects of stress on our unborn lil nugget.

Why no counseling until he ends A? My goal is to set some boundaries around visitation with my son. The counselor is AWESOME. Very pro family, and says he is VERY forthright and my H will NOT like him (I haven't been to him yet. I'll be going in for the 1st hour, and then both of us for an hour). Sounds interesting...

This pain feels insurmountable.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why no counselling before he ends A?

Because there is no point. You can't work on a marriage while an affair is happening. At all. So that shouldn't even be on the table right now.

Him sending you texts meant for her family? I wonder if he's doing it on purpose. That is just cruel.

Tell him you're not interested in a relationship with him while he's having an affair. Tell him you're done. The choice is his.


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Why no counselling before he ends A?
> 
> Because there is no point. You can't work on a marriage while an affair is happening. At all. So that shouldn't even be on the table right now.
> 
> ...


The texts 'accidentally' coming to me are meant for HER and HIS family. Yah. I wonder how much is actually an accident... very cruel.

As far as counseling is concerned, it isn't about OUR relationship, but about our 4 year old and our unborn baby. We can't be around each other AT ALL. If I am completely calm and collected, he gets angry. If I express any emotional or need however simple, he blows up. It is insane. The other morning, I asked him to use his phone, and when he realized I was looking at it (wanted to see with my own eyes what I am dealing with even although I already knew...stupid, but human.) he started screaming that I was a stupid effing b**** and that he effing hates me. Within earshot off my 4 year old. Geez.

I am scared to let him be around our lil guy (the few times he actually finds it convenient), because he is not recognizing how scary he's being. I secretly hope he comes to his senses and decides to care for his children, but that doesn't seem very likely. SHOOT!


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

What is Plan B? Any help would be wonderful! Thank you!


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