# How does a man get good at oral?



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Or should it come naturally? I'm a woman btw.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

apparently I'm to cynical tonight to answer this question. Practice doesn't make perfect, it just reinforce your bad habits. So in order to learn a man would have to practice with someone who is willing to tell him what she wants and insist on him practicing the right moves until he gets it perfect. Now for me to achieve that I would have to practice on an other woman, since my long term partner is now unwilling to talk about sex more than six times a year and for less that 3 minutes each time. 
I'm forced to conclude that she doesn't want me to learn any more. 
As for the bit about it just coming naturally, Charles Darwin would argue against that theory.
MN


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You can get him most of the way there using one of his nipples. 

Do to his nipple what you want him to do to your clit. 

As for use of his fingers - verbal instructions should suffice.....




indiecat said:


> Or does it just come naturally? Or can they learn?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

the answer is so amazingly simple, I hesitate to point it out. SHE tells you what is working and what is not.

Now, if she says NOTHING...well, its her loss if the oral sex is not good!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Go suck an orange.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Go suck an orange.


:rofl:


I was thinking about a slice of watermelon?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

I have no idea how I knew. Even in high school I was eatin tacos any chance I got. One girl friend would drop her panties just about anywhere for it!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The first thing that comes to mind is paying attention to your partner's reactions. That can be verbal, it can be involuntary reactions, whatever... It helps if she's honest with what she likes or doesn't like, and doesn't "fake" or over-emphasis any reactions. 

Second thing is a book like "She Comes First", or some other educational book. But you need to pay attention to your partner and how she reacts to your "moves". 

C


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Oral Sex She'll Never Forget: 50 Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before Paperback
by Sonia Borg 


AWESOME BOOK!!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

PBear said:


> The first thing that comes to mind is paying attention to your partner's reactions. That can be verbal, it can be involuntary reactions, whatever... It helps if she's honest with what she likes or doesn't like, and doesn't "fake" or over-emphasis any reactions.
> 
> Second thing is a book like "She Comes First", or some other educational book. But you need to pay attention to your partner and how she reacts to your "moves".
> 
> C


I second this book.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, it also helps if the guy really enjoys the scent, taste, and feel of his partner, and gets off on her pleasure. 

C


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Write out the entire uppercase alphabet with his tongue and hum the Flight of the Bumblebee at the same time.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He is a car guy, so he may be into manuals!


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Sounds like time for a lot of practice. 45 minutes per session. Give feedback softly and very positively. Also - make it worth his while...


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> the answer is so amazingly simple, I hesitate to point it out. SHE tells you what is working and what is not.


I will agree to this but point out if the guy isn't interested you can tell him all you like. For my husband it goes in one ear and out the other.
He isn't interested in improving.

.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

RClawson said:


> The best instruction I ever saw was something Nina Hartley did on an instructional video clip with young lady. I thought I was pretty good before but my W wanted to know "where I learned that stuff". I told her I read it in a book. It has served me well over the years.


I've seen that video and recommend it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## prospect (Feb 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: How does a man get good at oral?*



RClawson said:


> The best instruction I ever saw was something Nina Hartley did on an instructional video clip with young lady. I thought I was pretty good before but my W wanted to know "where I learned that stuff". I told her I read it in a book. It has served me well over the years.


Got a link for that by chance? I feel pretty confident in my oral skills but I would always be willing to learn some new tricks.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Indie, is he he willing to listen and take direction? That's the best way, and also a good indicator, since any partner that leaves their ego at the door of the bedroom and is willing to learn goes up a notch in my estimation.

In any event, just glad to hear some good news from you.




RClawson said:


> The best instruction I ever saw was something Nina Hartley did on an instructional video clip with young lady. I thought I was pretty good before but my W wanted to know "where I learned that stuff". I told her I read it in a book. It has served me well over the years.





bandit.45 said:


> I've seen that video and recommend it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Second these above. Lady Convection pointed me to the same video and it worked pretty well. I am probably due for a refresher.



prospect said:


> Got a link for that by chance? I feel pretty confident in my oral skills but I would always be willing to learn some new tricks.


I don't think I want to link what is essentially porn in here but you can find it easy enough. The title was something like "How to Eat P***y Like a Champ". Search that phrase and Hartley's name and you will find it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Practice makes perfect.

And some *cough* *video instruction* might help as well.



ETA: The Nina Hartley video referenced above would likely be of great help.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

prospect said:


> Got a link for that by chance? I feel pretty confident in my oral skills but I would always be willing to learn some new tricks.


Google Nina Hartley oral. The first hit (reddit) has a link to the vid. Use at your own risk it's a porn site after all.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

The same way you get to Carnegie Hall.

A good partner will let you know what works, what doesn't. 

Good hygiene is imperative too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

it really is no different from anything else where dexterity and technique is needed. I liken it to sports, or playing a musical instrument. Most people can throw and hit a baseball, and with enough repetition and practice, some even get good at it. The ones who are able to make it to the elite levels of being a professional however have that something extra...natural born talent that no matter how much practice normal people have, they will never be able to get that good. Sex is no different. Some people are just naturally good at it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Accipiter777 said:


> I have no idea how I knew. Even in high school I was eatin tacos any chance I got. One girl friend would drop her panties just about anywhere for it!


You da man!! No joke!


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

trial and error
munch enough pie and pay attention to the reaction of the owner of said pie...you will eventually figure it out

I am a typical male pig lol...and I LOVE making a woman cum her brains out...repeatedly...and the best way to do this is by eating her...if you cant make a woman cum by eating her, than either SHE has issues or your licking the wrong thing lol


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

I stumbled upon some technique back in college. I had a crazy girlfriend who had zero inhibitions. Once I learned the basics. "Wax on wax off", "paint up paint down" I had my Miyagi tool box. 

Every girl thereafter was different. But the toolbox is still the same. I just had to use a combination of those tools. 

My wife slapped me the first time. She was offended and pleased all at once. 😎


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Another vote for the Nina Hartley video. My DH did no oral for 18 years so it was a little overwhelming to know where to start. I saw that video and showed it to him and made comments on things that I thought would be particularly effective.

She gives a really good anatomy lesson first and points out all the parts then goes to technique - then gets another lady off right there.

PS - some might feel this is porn and I would probably agree. But who's complaining? Not Miss Scarlett.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

One night M2 decides to demonstrate her world class understanding of anatomy via my hand. I'm lying on my back and she starts doing some kind of Jedi sex trick with my palm and my fingers. Next thing I know I'm more than halfway there and she's never once gone south of my wrist. 

And a few times she's done an oral, foot massage combo. 

Maybe you could teach this, but I sort of doubt it. 





samyeagar said:


> it really is no different from anything else where dexterity and technique is needed. I liken it to sports, or playing a musical instrument. Most people can throw and hit a baseball, and with enough repetition and practice, some even get good at it. The ones who are able to make it to the elite levels of being a professional however have that something extra...natural born talent that no matter how much practice normal people have, they will never be able to get that good. Sex is no different. Some people are just naturally good at it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Another vote for the Nina Hartley video.


Is there a title or further info that we can use? Or did I miss that already?


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Write out the entire uppercase alphabet with his tongue and hum the Flight of the Bumblebee at the same time.


This is what I do, the alphabet.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Getting the entire clitoral hood and inner labia in the mouth with some gentle suction. Work the labia to the side of the tongue while doing that. Lower case alphabet on the clit and hood works pretty well because of the circular motions of many of the letters, and the labia are getting some action too...doing that with a subtle up and down motion, almost like a blowjob, and fingers teasing the vaginal opening and working towards the g-spot...tough to describe it clinically, but it seems to work alright


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

1. paying attention to reactions of partner 
2. discussion with partner and mentors if there is one available without being awkward
3. reading about it 
4. instructional videos

If you want to know, its hard to not go after knowing it. No excuse to be bad at it really


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Excellent advice, YupItsMe. Every woman is different, with some basics that are almost universal. You have to experiment to find what works for the woman you have. What truly makes a man good at it is the desire to please his partner to the utmost, because he cares.

As for books, one of the very best I've encountered is: Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm: Kim Cattrall (she plays Samantha in Sex in the City).


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Tips by me, a guy a loves doing it.

Ladies, help us by preparing:
-be nice and clean and tasty downstairs
-this is more subjective but HAVE A TRIM. I personally hate hair down there, especially if there’s big tufts because it gets in the way. If you’re smooth, we can get in much closer and be more thorough

Gentlemen, try:
-watching lesbian porn, to get ideas (really)
-get a good position. I find 69 with the girl on top is best for me because I’m not having to strain or hold my neck, but I do realize being on all fours can be tiring or distracting for the girl. On her back is fine, too.
-lick everything, but the clit is the focus
-use your mouth, not just your tongue
-vary what you’re doing until you are told or notice it’s having the desired effect
-if she’s playing with her boobs, reach up and help her out with that
-a lot of girls I’ve found like to hold your hand. This has the bonus of being a gauge for her pleasure when she loses the ability to form words, if she starts to squeeze hard, keep doing what you’re doing!
-rest your hand on her stomach or a bit lower, you can use this to gently pull back her parts to get better access
-if you want to be extra-thorough and go for her butt too, that’s up to you: some girls love it, others aren’t keen. Keep manually stimulating her clit while you do
-like samyeagar says, gently suck the magic button into your mouth and then lick it while it’s in there
-insert a finger (and then two) and don’t just stab them in and out, do a come hither movement (your palm should be facing upwards, if she’s lying on her back) inside
-towards her climax, I find flicking my tongue rapidly on the clit with or without fingering works. Try different angles to find one that works best for her. I can do it faster from side to side than up and down
-don’t stop until you’re told to!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

U.E. McGill said:


> I stumbled upon some technique back in college. I had a crazy girlfriend who had zero inhibitions. Once I learned the basics. "Wax on wax off", "paint up paint down" I had my Miyagi tool box.
> 
> Every girl thereafter was different. But the toolbox is still the same. I just had to use a combination of those tools.
> 
> My wife slapped me the first time.* She was offended and pleased all at once*. 😎


That's a dang riot!!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I've been trying to pull this answer out of DH for a while. He swears he had almost no experience with oral before me but yet he's incredible at it. 
He swears it's just simple focus and paying attention to my movements and sounds.He also says it helps him when I start grabbing his hair LOL


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

This is definitely an area where practice makes perfect. Specifically, focused practice with a partner who is not shy about telling you what feels good. I have found that responding to body movements is not a good method, squirming or certain facial expressions could also result from her not being comfortable with something you are doing.

Plus, every woman is different. I had a GF in college who loved to have me penetrate her with my tongue. My wife hates that. She prefers that I split my time between the upper left (her left) quadrant of her cl!t and the area just above her urethral opening.

My wife enjoys oral, but has a definite preference for PIV while using a vibe. My humble tongue can't compete with a vibe...

I think the Nina Hartley video is very good, but once again, there are preferences involved. For example, at one point Ms. Hartley demonstrates a technique whereby she inserts a gloved finger or two, and presses down into the floor of the vagina, the first and only time I tried that with DW, she said "What are you doing? My G-spot is on the top, not bottom!".


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

How does a man get good at oral? simple with practice


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Watch the Karate Kid, replicating all techniques with you tongue


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I'll take a stab at it - 

Step 1: Be really, really into it; want to do it, and want to do it well. It's the same for women giving head...if she's not really into it, it's not gonna be very good, and frankly, no guy wants bad head. The man has to want to do it, crave for it even...really want to make her come hard from his oral skills. I admit, there's some pride involved. If he doesn't possess that, it sucks for his girl.

Step 2: Have a fricken clue. Dude has to be able to pick up on her body language, sounds, moans, etc. A keen ear and sense for her body movements should lead you to what she likes. 
If she's squirming too much too early, you've hit her super sensitive spot and should probably back away from that at least till she starts to come (less vs more pressure, indirect on the hood vs direct on the clit, etc.). 
Take her there in a wave or waves of intensity, not all at once. Build it up and when she starts to actually come, continue at the appropriate pace, which *usually* means doing the exactly same thing to the exact same spot at the exact same speed, but there could be variance...some chicks respond very well to a quickening or penetration as they start to come, etc., but not all the time. Again, goes back to picking up on her body language, which changes.

Step 3: Experiment a bit. Try different things, make it a bit different every time. You'll quickly learn "what takes her THERE", but before you take her there, take her on a bit of a new journey each time. 
Add finger touching to increase sensations, a bit of penetration with your finger, sometimes a lot of finger penetration, switch it up, keep her guessing. You want her to feel like it was totally mind-blown awesome, but different from the last time. Don't be a one trick pony.
Side Tip: Some woman like a bit of ass-play when you're down there, IF it's done right. If she's not into, or you don't know what you are doing in that department, stay the hell away from there. FWIW, I've had women claim to be totally NOT into that, but the right touching (or more) at the right time during oral or penetration and they had HUGE O's. Then they want it almost all the time (they may not want to ask for it...but in the heat of passion, everything changes)...it's like they're chasing that high, like a drug, chasing that "O"...has the same effect.

Step 4: be spontaneous about it. Sometimes when you're kissing her (on the mouth) and she's starting to melt a bit, you just gotta take a little control (nothing over the top, unless she really digs over the top  ) and go right into it. If she's really getting into the kiss and touch/rub, continue kissing her while confidently taking her pants or skirt off, and lowering yourself smoothly and swiftly, placing your mouth right where it needs to be. If her eyes close, head rolls back, and she moans with her legs weakening open, you've hit home. You can try holding her hands while dropping to your knees, gives the effect of being "taken", without being rough. Then work on adding stuff, ie: throwing her over the side of the couch, or flipping her over and giving her oral from behind, pulling her hair at the base of her head while you work your magic also really takes things up a notch, etc. Mix up different locations too, like take her right there in the kitchen after work, while she holds on to the edge of the counter, or pick her up and put her right on the bathroom counter (which is the perfect height for the transition into penetration BTW)...she'll be thinking about that for days after.

Step 5: be natural. I think once you've done it enough, you should know exactly how to make any woman "arrive", if you will...really, the rest is just being very natural and confident at it. No woman wants to constantly have to coach a man how to do this...she wants the surprise of a shockingly great orgasm, every time. A guy who loves to do this will be confident about it. He gets his high from making her come so hard...it's a massive ego boost for him, so he'll want to keep doing it for her.
You often hear people say to ask what she likes, or listen to what she tells you to do...that's _okay_...once or twice. After that, you should be able to completely take over and KNOW what she likes, and follow her body language. That's why I say "wave", because it's not just what she should be riding, you should be riding it too, following along with what you are doing to her/where you are taking her. You are the director...and sometimes, she may want to direct you too.


2cent's more, and quite blunt...
If you're wondering about specific techniques, it's really not that big of an area...head on back to Step 2 and figure HER out. Some girls shake for a bit and need a second to get-it-together, but most really respond well to immediate penetration after oral orgasms. Literally have her coming, maintain the correct pace and pressure to keep her coming for a big "O" while positioning yourself to quickly (but smoothly) put yourself inside her while she's still riding the wave of "O". This takes things to new heights, and makes the first O waves blend into the 2nd and 3rd O waves. 

I have to add something...If she smells or tastes bad down there, he might not be that into it, and it will reflect in how well he does down there. As a man, I can assure you a clean smelling and tasting woman is gonna get a something special from me, but if she's funky, I may may not do it at all, and if I do, I won't be giving it my all. Sorry, but I don't want to have a bad taste in my mouth all night. I know that no one wants to hear that or think of themselves like that, but it's true. I know that I'm really good in that department, but I also know my boundaries of acceptable taste. 

I'll finish with EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT, and what works for one is not always what another woman wants. All the more reason for a man to NOT be a one trick pony. I've heard guys talk about licking the alphabet and stuff...you don't think a woman can tell you are writing letters? Jeesh...remember that game where you write on someones back and they guess what you wrote? THEY know what you're doing, and it's kinda lame. Try something else.


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## sadgirl1979 (Jun 4, 2014)

A guy could be really "good" with one person, and the next person might hate all the stuff that used to turn on the last partner he had. So, I think it is important that you feel comfortable enough to give your partner specific instructions about what YOU like. Go step by step if you need to. Also, the MOST important thing for me is knowing that my partner is enjoying what he is doing. He could be the best at it, but if I don't feel like he is into it, then I can't get into it either.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tongue-ups! Daily !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

tulsy said:


> Step 1: Be really, really into it; want to do it, and want to do it well. It's the same for women giving head...if she's not really into it, it's not gonna be very good, and frankly, no guy wants bad head. The man has to want to do it, crave for it even...really want to make her come hard from his oral skills. I admit, there's some pride involved.
> 
> A guy who loves to do this will be confident about it. He gets his high from making her come so hard...it's a massive ego boost for him, so he'll want to keep doing it for her.


:iagree: (I need a bigger sign)

From the female's perspective: Someone who really gets off on making you get off is a huge turn on, it makes you feel really hot and sexy and desired.

From the male's perspective: Someone getting off because of what you're doing is also a huge turn on. When (, remember, speaking as a guy) she pushes back hard against you and squeezes your hand and pulls your head close and whispers "Oh yeah, don't stop", you feel like a freakin' love god.

That's the pride thing tulsy's talking about: don't you want to be the guy who makes a girl react like that? I think that's a big part of being good at it, you have to really want to make her O the house down - and she has show just how much she's enjoying it.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Is there a title or further info that we can use? Or did I miss that already?


I personally didn't like the Nina Hartley with anther woman in one instructional video. But as a woman who has watched this with her hubby, I did like very much like Nina Hartley with Jack Lawrence. It was very instructional and told what not to do, what to do, and why. My H walked away with some good ideas. They were things I tried to explain to him but he doesn't have a clit so he had no idea what I was trying to explain really. This instructional video gave my words pictures he could understand. 

The only other tip I have is to lick you hubby right under the head of his penis just the way you like to be licked. My H always screws up the finish. And if you screw up the finish you might as well not even do it. (well almost  ) I showed him how to finish by using the same licking on him. 

Sometimes oral appears to be a race to the finish line but when it comes time to cross the finish line nice and slow is best, or at least for me anyway. Everyone knows the tortoise won the race anyway, not the hare.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I would think it's more about paying attention to your partner's response. In my experience what worked yesterday doesn't necessarily work today even within a session what works changes as arousal increases. 

Best thing a woman can do is to let us know, whether it be verbally, tensing, moaning or whatever when we're getting warmer...and when we're getting colder. Guys who are into it are more than happy to cater to what you want.


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## FloridaITguy (Nov 4, 2010)

Alphabet is a good way !


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I concur what worked yesterday doesn't always work tomorrow so one should be mindful to vary the application of your tongue.

Noises and moaning can be faked, so there's nothing wrong with placing a finger or two on the anus while applying pressure, or inside anally (do not go in dry!) in order to feel the very rapid spasms that build up towards release as a woman gets closer to orgasm.

So while you are using your tongue you can immediately determine if what you are doing works or doesn't. If, for want of a better term rapid micro spasms aren't building as you lick, you need to change the way you lick till you notice the first tiny spasms.

Once you get the spasms keep up the same approach while remembering to breathe, it's okay and important to catch your breath between licks.

It's also important to remember that the spasms you first feel are not the orgasm. As you build the intensity of her experience she will eventually have an orgasm, which results in for example when you have a finger/s inside her anus she will go from increasing rapid micro spasms to a deep throbbing fairly rapid (not as rapid as the build up) forward and backward clamping around your fingers. It's okay to remove your fingers before the orgasm and encouraged after her orgasm. That said, if your fingers are inside while she orgasms leave the them there until she is done.

Doing this will usually bring an orgasm after a few minutes because you can feel very directly what is working at what isn't.

If you are taking a long time you are unlikely to get her there at all. Since the woman will lose it, if you take too long and it simply won't feel good for them while you lick endlessly without result.

All of this so far has applied to all of the women I have had sex with.

If you have your fingers inside anally you might also try (some women really like this some don't), as you build her up towards orgasm orally, pushing her rectum wall with a steady building pressure towards her vagina with a stroking movement. Since doing so, can bring a very strong orgasm that feels more intense and deeper than the usual as my wife describes it.

Of course mood and feelings play a rolel so don't worry if your partner doesn't always want your finger/s up there all of the time to guide you. Sometimes it is great for them other times they don't want you playing there at all.

One advantage of trying what I suggest is that you can also with a bit of practice (i.e. knowing what works and doesn't), use the direct spasm sensation to build a woman to the edge of orgasm then back her off and rebuild the intensity again to bring her over the edge. My wife absolutely loves it when I do this well. That said, she feels robbed if I don't time it right and ends up losing it completely before orgasm, so we don't do that very often.

Also and most importantly, before you go down on a woman. Ensure that you both spend some quality time with each other at eye and mouth level first. So you can both relate to each other and have that luscious connection before you disappear down there.

In summary, what I have suggested above are some effective techniques that can be used in paying attention.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*A willing, loving, and most communicative partner, along with the sheer and pleasant hours of "PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!" And greatly keeping in mind that most all women are just a little bit different regarding the oral technique which gets them off!

And to quote the late and great Rodney Dangerfield, " a patient woman, who is much like a skilled teacher, who will keep making you repetitiously do it over and over until you finally get it right!"

And then she'll reward you accordingly, greatly provided of course, that the oral that you have just so lovingly performed on her isn't simply pleasure enough for you of its own accord!*


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

to be good at oral weather its a man or woman you have to love giving it!

I mean really really love giving it!


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

[/QUOTE] If you are taking a long time you are unlikely to get her there at all. Since the woman will lose it, if you take too long and it simply won't feel good for them while you lick endlessly without results.

One advantage of trying what I suggest is that you can also with a bit of practice (i.e. knowing what works and doesn't), use the direct spasm sensation to build a woman to the edge of orgasm then back her off and rebuild the intensity again to bring her over the edge. My wife absolutely loves it when I do this well. That said, she feels robbed if I don't time it right and ends up losing it completely before orgasm,[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much. I am hate to loose the "O". IT is quite annoying and cannot be brought back to life. If in the event an "O" is still possible it is the kind that is just not worth having. The kind that just keeps you from having a headache later. I am so glad to know that I am not the only one that has lost an "O". I was beginning to wonder what in the world is wrong with me. Is it the meds, the poor technique or what. At least now I know thanks to this thread it is not so much me but more the medication and poor technique.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

1971 said:


> I will agree to this but point out if the guy isn't interested you can tell him all you like. For my husband it goes in one ear and out the other.
> He isn't interested in improving.
> 
> .


Haven't read all the posts but I'll post an opinion anyway.

I don't know why someone wouldn't be interested in improving. If you are doing it for her pleasure then wouldn't you want to do it right? If you aren't interested in her pleasure then why do it at all? I am assuming, simply because I feel this way, that it is important to a guy to please the woman he is with. If it isn't good for her then it isn't great for me.

Another poster said practice does not make perfect. Maybe not, but practice does help. I think you pretty quickly get a sense of what doesn't work and what she responds to. Why keep repeating the things that don't work? What's the saying about expecting different results? That said, it helps tremendously if she's communicating and it isn't just a matter of trial and error to find the right buttons to push. If I'm too aggressive with direct contact with the clitoris, tell me .. I want to know!


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

over20 said:


> Oral Sex She'll Never Forget: 50 Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before Paperback
> by Sonia Borg
> 
> 
> AWESOME BOOK!!


I googled this book and found a free download.


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## tpwmz88 (Jun 10, 2014)

Practice!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Remember the first time ... embarrassing! Didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was eager as all get out but I didn't even know what I was looking at. I couldn't find the clitoris if I had a map with red arrows pointing to it and a compass. Didn't help that she was really hairy. She was probably thinking ... are you going to do it or are you just going to inspect it? It wasn't until I was with an 'experienced' woman who had the patience to say 'no honey, here ... ' that I started figuring things out. I'm sure I would have figured it out eventually but ...

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

PERSONAL is there anyother way. I am quite opposed to the anal thing. Touching there is not so bad but penetration is not my prefrence. Can the same "micro spasms" be detected externally with minimal pressure. 

I think that what you have suggested would really help my H get things right, but like I said am not much into anal and I think I would feel like a lab rat being probed in the name of discovery. NOT FUN. Any additional advice would be great.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Big Mama said:


> PERSONAL is there anyother way. I am quite opposed to the anal thing. Touching there is not so bad but penetration is not my prefrence. Can the same "micro spasms" be detected externally with minimal pressure.
> 
> I think that what you have suggested would really help my H get things right, but like I said am not much into anal and I think I would feel like a lab rat being probed in the name of discovery. NOT FUN. Any additional advice would be great.


Hi Big Mama,

Nothing wrong with your opposition, if it hurts or you aren't comfortable with it, it won't help get you there.

Touching there is fine, as long as there is a slight pressure on the outside you husband should be able to feel the spasms/contractions on the edge.

I also wouldn't recommend sticking fingers up there every single time at all, even if the woman enjoys it. My wife enjoys anal sex quite often. Yet that does not mean she wants it all the time or likes to be probed like that all of the time either.

How you feel at the time is really important, when my wife doesn't want me there she lets me know at the time because her feelings can change throughout our play. The important thing for all of us is to always be mindful of each other. One of the best things about being married and enjoying sex with your spouse is the knowing over time when more of something is wanted or that something isn't desired at that time.

All of us men and women have good and bad days and fell more and less desire. One fun thing is that on occasion my wife and I at different times don't always want to play, yet after we start sometimes those days can lead to the most luscious experiences we have.

So we always play regularly, excepting things like illness of course. That said, sex isn't always mind blowing, my wife will sometimes not get there no matter what we will do. These days we have become so attuned to one another that if I go down on her and it's simply not going to happen I can sense it before she tells me she is not going to get there.

Fortunately those not getting there times are very infrequent, using the finger to feel for the spasms is because it is easier to tell when the build up is on etc, whereas I can't feel the build up to orgasm with my tongue.

I hope you and your husband have fun, and try it without any expectation of success since the pressure to perform May cause more anxiety than good feelings. Sex is weird icky and fun all at the same time. So laughing about it when it works or doesn't goes a long way.

I hope when he feels the spasms it's a bit of a revelation, once he works out how to build you to climax by feeling you quiver at the edge. He'll start to have a good idea how to do what works for you.

Orgasms are awesome, they're even better shared with someone you love.

All the best to you and your husband.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

indiecat said:


> Or should it come naturally? I'm a woman btw.


Perfect practice makes perfect

55


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

RClawson said:


> The best instruction I ever saw was something Nina Hartley did on an instructional video clip with young lady. I thought I was pretty good before but my W wanted to know "where I learned that stuff". I told her I read it in a book. It has served me well over the years.


I have never seen this video. But I agree with another poster who mentioned lesbian porn. Not the 'Hollywood', mainstream stuff, but the ones featuring people actually having real sex. I have always greatly enjoyed giving oral but I was doing it just based on the reactions I was getting. It worked, but I think I may have been a bit too aggressive. After watching some of these videos I have changed my approach to something much more gentle and softer. The reaction has been spectacular. I think my wife is enjoying oral now more than ever. 

Some times you just have to slow down and smell the roses.....or something like that.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Personal - Thank you for answering my Question. Anal is not on the top of my list of things I like, though in the heat of the moment I have been known to change my mind. It is a when the time is right kind of thing certainly not the place to start. For me personally that is an option when it is going to be a failed attempt. The meds I take kill all the fun. It is very hard to have O's with the meds and not quite having the right technique doesn't help. When I am panting my freakin brains out is not the time to ask..... is this right or you want me to stop. If it is workin by all means don't stop to ask questions.


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## whatUknow (Aug 17, 2013)

The man (or woman) has to WANT to do it first off. 

The enjoyment is half the battle. The other half is communication... Either verbally and/or noticing non verbal cues. 

Those videos and books can also help. 

Oh and practice, lots of practice.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Its all about experimenting and watching the women's reactions to find what works and what doesn't. All women are different.

If she is a open sort and is willing to masterbate in front of you that makes its easier to find the right spots and more importantly the right rhythm.

As far as some good techniques I suggest a book called "Red Hot Touch: A head-to-toe handbook for mind-blowing orgasms"
Goes into extreme detail for women and men. Shows all manner of techniques and massages.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

indiecat said:


> Or should it come naturally? I'm a woman btw.


I think it starts with the foundation of having a good enough relationship for communication at it's most intimate level. Being able to tell my spouse "i love you but you are doing it wrong, here try this..." is what married sex is all about. Not being judged no fear of rejection and being able to do whatever the other person needs to feel loved (within agreed upon boundaries).

Research yourself on the interwebs what good cunnilingus is about and then tell your man. If he is unable or unwilling to have that discussion then you have deeper problems than just techniques.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

PBear said:


> The first thing that comes to mind is paying attention to your partner's reactions. That can be verbal, it can be involuntary reactions, whatever... It helps if she's honest with what she likes or doesn't like, and doesn't "fake" or over-emphasis any reactions.
> 
> Second thing is a book like "She Comes First", or some other educational book. But you need to pay attention to your partner and how she reacts to your "moves".
> 
> C


:iagree: Every woman is different. Find out what she likes and do it consistently....especially when she is on her way to an orgasm. Don't change anything at that point. 

The woman has to teach the man what she likes and needs. My wife's clitoris is more sensitive on her left side. I only know this because she told me while we were experimenting with lots of foreplay...early on. Tell your man what and where you like his tongue. Everyone woman is different. Communicate to your man....we really want to know so we can please YOU!

My wife and I have the book "She Comes First" as well. Great book. We both learned some things from reading it. :smthumbup:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I'm in the "what works one day is different to the next" camp.

Mr H is a master at oral because he LOVES doing it and because he reads me well. I struggle to talk during sex (am trying to get better at it) so instead I use my hands to show him. He also reads my sounds and movements well. I feel safe with him and just let go, he knows me well enough to read my cues. 
He craves oral and it is one of his biggest lifes pleasures is when, as he says "I **** his face"  It is a happy cycle, he keeps getting better and better and I keep wanting him to do it more and more.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

On word Practice!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I used to be very uncomfortably with my oral skills, but then I joined Toastmasters!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I used to be very uncomfortably with my oral skills, but then I joined Toastmasters!


:rofl:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Go suck an orange.


This made me chuckle! When I was 16 and listening to a Prince song called Come, there's a point in the song that has certain... noises. Mama Hearts said to me, "He really shouldn't eat oranges while recording.." She readily admits that she's a prude which only made her comment funnier. 


_When I lay you down I'm gonna tell you what to feel
Don't be surprised if I make you my daily meal
Lickin' you inside, outside
All sides, up and down 
With my tongue in the crease, baby I go 'round
When I go down, down, down, 
Down, down, down, da-da-down..._


hahah, gotta love him.


The other responses have it though ...paying attention and having the desire to be there.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Another vote for the Nina Hartley video. My DH did no oral for 18 years so it was a little overwhelming to know where to start. I saw that video and showed it to him and made comments on things that I thought would be particularly effective.
> 
> She gives a really good anatomy lesson first and points out all the parts then goes to technique - then gets another lady off right there.
> 
> PS - some might feel this is porn and I would probably agree. But who's complaining? Not Miss Scarlett.


OK, I watched the video. A few very interesting tips in there, I'll admit. Still a little on the fence about how much credit i'd give to a lesson taught by people who are paid to act while they have sex. Last time I tried one of these "sure fire" techniques from a video, it was met with complete indifference. We'll give some of this a shot one of these days and see.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

The sucking thing and pinching really worked well for me. Pinching the C only not the whole area. The other things I tried from the video, such as pushing down, were so so.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

http://mytinysecrets.com/how-to-eat-*****-a-magical-guide-for-evolved-people/

A facebook friend had this linked on her timeline. Might be of interest.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I Don't Know said:


> The sucking thing and pinching really worked well for me. Pinching the C only not the whole area. The other things I tried from the video, such as pushing down, were so so.


The Nina video was kinda useless in my opinion as a female. The Jack Larwence one was much more correct in what works and what does not. The Nina one had ideas and things, but for me a lot of these things just don't apply. In my opinion Nina might be great hit for someone looking to mix it up a little, but other then that there was just to much gouging and stuff. I got so board I turned it off. (And good grief who turns off pron) So it was bad to say the least. The Jack Larwence one I watched alone as well as with my H. It was nice to be able to say "THAT, DO THAT" Or "HUMMMM, WE COULD TRY THAT" to my H. 

Not all porn stuff is bad, some of it opens lines of communication and can be used as a couple to teach or spice things up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So, indie? Has there been progress?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Try eating a lot of ice cream cones


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

OP, if you're still around, print this and have your H or BF try it. You may or may not like it but it was a huge hit at my house.

First let me set the stage a little bit. My wife can have what we call a halfer. That is she gets sensitive after but does not get the actual feeling of orgasm or the satisfaction. Happens when we stop for some reason just as she's starting to cum.

So, I'm down on her and I'm going to tease her. Take her right to the edge and stop. Make her beg me to finish her off.

I start with long slow licks from the bottom her vagina to half way up. Random number each time. 9 half licks and then all the way up on the 10th. 5 half licks and then all the way up. 7 half licks and then all the way. 2 half licks and then all the way up. And so on. After about 20 repititions of this, I focus in on her cl!t. Heavy and slow, light and fast. Just mixing it up. When I think she's getting close, I'll slow down and let her cool off a bit. Well, I finally took her right to the edge and then totally stopped. BUT, I instantly thought she was going to have a halfer which is frustrating as hell. So...... I dive in with both feet..er lips. I made a fish face with my lips and just rubbed them all over her cl!t. Hard and fast. Side to side, up and down, circles. By the time she's done, I'm wet all the way to my ears. She said it was the longest O she's ever had.

Sorry, if this was too graphic. Might be worth a try though.


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## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

Auditory feedback is the most effective way to let him know he's doing it right.


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## WillinTampa (Jun 18, 2014)

I got schooled early on -- a partner told me just what to do.

The first time my wife and I had sex was all oral for her -- she literally climbed up the wall.

But, I found that some women, who like oral, don't want it because they are too self conscience about "down there". 

My wife no longer wants oral because she's worried about the same thing. She liked it in the past, so I guess I did a good job, but now she doesn't, so I'm left a little confused. 

I really miss it because it can satisfy a woman without too much pressure to perform. I loved that she would have such an intense orgasm, it made me feel great to do that for her...

...TMI ?


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> http://mytinysecrets.com/how-to-eat-*****-a-magical-guide-for-evolved-people/
> 
> A facebook friend had this linked on her timeline. Might be of interest.


Thank you. Lots of good information there. I think I may copy that on paper and pack it in my H's suit case when he goes out of town next week. Put it in an envelope and seal it with a kiss. I have a feeling I will be in for a nice surprise when he returns from his trip in a few days. THANK YOU.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

A man gets good by listening to his woman. A woman has to tell him what she likes and doesn't like.

It's not a "one size fits all" type of deal.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

practice


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Exactly...practice at the Y....nothing better than that!!!!!!!!!!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

WillinTampa said:


> My wife no longer wants oral because she's worried about the same thing.


I can see why women might erroneously think that a man would not like the taste or smell of their *****. There are ads on tv and magazines for deodorants, washes, etc. As if it were dirty all the time.

I can tell you for a fact that MOST partners absolutely LOVE the taste of a *****. It is so sweet and salty, and the flavor only improves as the woman cums. The juicier the better. So if you have any concerns about it, just have your man lap it up and look at that smile on his face. he will be in heaven.

If you are still unconvinced, just shower well before, then call him over.....for some fun


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

FloridaITguy said:


> Alphabet is a good way !


If she's Japanese, you better know your kanji...


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