# Internet Dating Sad?



## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

As we become more attached to the net it seems 1 in 3 couples meet through the net. However, is this seen as a sad state of affairs by others especially the older generation who are alien to the net and computers. 

Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping? 

Thanks.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

braveheart2009 said:


> As we become more attached to the net it seems 1 in 3 couples meet through the net. However, is this seen as a sad state of affairs by others especially the older generation who are alien to the net and computers.
> 
> Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping?
> 
> Thanks.


call me crazy but the quality of men who have come up to me in the past while I'm minding my own business trying to run errands or whatever is VERY low in my view.

I'll take an online flirtation quicker than some random guy trying to chat me up while I'm buying dog food or trying to find the right pair of jeans for myself.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

And I don't consider putting a random female on the spot who is just out by herself enjoying the day shopping or doing things as a ballsy move.I find it invasive and obnoxious.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I don't see it as sad at all. It's an opportunity to get to talk to someone, learn a bit about them to find out if they hold your interest enough to actually spend time with them. 

I do think some safety practices should be used - meet in a public place the first few times. Don't give too many details until you know someone a little bit better, etc.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> I don't see it as sad at all. It's an opportunity to get to talk to someone, learn a bit about them to find out if they hold your interest enough to actually spend time with them.
> 
> I do think some safety practices should be used - meet in a public place the first few times. Don't give too many details until you know someone a little bit better, etc.


How is that any different than a random stranger you meet one night in a bar, or grocery store, or library? Common sense is a good idea no matter where you initially connect. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

PBear said:


> How is that any different than a random stranger you meet one night in a bar, or grocery store, or library? Common sense is a good idea no matter where you initially connect.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think it IS different but in my line of work, I see where trust is built over the internet because the communication is spread over time and people forget that they really don't 'know' the other person.

We had a rash of people victimized last year via dating sites where they had spent 6+ months talking to men/women thinking they were all real and legitimate. Come to find out, they were all the same person in a different country looking to scam them. 

Because such a long time period had passed, these idjits had let their guard down and given the fraudster a LOT of personal details.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No, not sad. I know many quality men who are using OLD.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Don't rule the older crowd out completely on computer stuff. A few years ago I saw a 92 year old man in the MAC store buying more accessories for his computer.

However, at this point in my life I don't care where I meet people--cyberspace or in person. My chances are probably slim either way. I live in rural area. For some reason people just don't randomly show up at large rural gardens or pastures.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Too many people, men and women, utilize OLD to call it sad


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

braveheart2009 said:


> Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping?


Internet dating is personally NOT for me. I'ts not something I've ever done nor will I ever do. I enjoy meeting people organically.

HOWEVER, many people are into it, men and women alike.

I say if people are into it, more power to them. It's just not not something that appeals to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> And I don't consider putting a random female on the spot who is just out by herself enjoying the day shopping or doing things as a ballsy move.I find it invasive and obnoxious.


Unless he's hot


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## althea0212 (Apr 6, 2013)

The internet is an avenue to meet, talk and know people all over the world. This provides opportunity that may not be possible for some of us. People with disabilities or those who may not find it possible to go out and meet people may benefit from internet dating. For me, the internet may be a good start but if one wants to be seriously involved and know the other person deeply, it would be good to meet in person.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Actually, as a single woman, I really like being able to grocery shop, go to yoga/gym, skiing, etc. without being hit on. 

It also keeps conversations that don't have to do with dating/sex/establishing a relationship, to whatever topic they started on.

And the workplace is 'safer' too, from sexual banter and approaches, as well as the library.

I've definitely seen a trend since OLD has become more popular.

It seems to be a premise now that if you want to date, you will put yourself out there in the clearly designated area for dating...bars, singles dances, singles meetups, and appropriate internet sites for whatever it is you're looking for. 

If someone wants to know if you're available for dating, all they need to do is find out approximate age and locale and then search...and they can find out more about you what you like and don't like, and make a decision about whether to approach. It saves a lot of hassle. Also embarrassment irl.

I think it's a good thing. 
In other areas as well. I was able to access information and some of it anecdotal, in order to correctly pinpoint my son's tethered spinal cord problem and his thyroid issue. I've also quickly been able to research apartments and surrounding neighborhoods (police records/crime reports) and also do background searches (like the guy I almost worked for and dated briefly.) 

I also like to look at menus of restaurants and decide which I'm going to visit, and read the reviews, when they're open, what else is around them, etc. 

Same thing with colleges, movies, books, lodging when traveling...

It's just another important decision. It gives people a much bigger selection pool to choose from as well, and I think knowing what is out there factors into feeling secure about your decision...understanding that time comes into play as well, it's not as though the selection pool is static. No choice is still a choice, at any given time.

Essentially, not sad. 
It will be a sad sad day when catcalls are made to be illegal though.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

There is no such thing as internet dating.

Well one exception being a couple that never meets, never talks on the phone, and has communications only through their computers.

The topic of this thread is really "real life dating with people that you contact via the internet".

For what that might be worth.

My 2 cents? Meeting people over the internet and arranging first dates is an efficient use of state of the art technology.

Nothing sad about it at all. As long as you do make connections that graduate to real life encounters. 

What's sad are the people that sit home alone in front of their computers all the time playing silly games or chatting with people they're never going to meet.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

To me sad is staying home alone...wishing you were out being social.

Internet dating is just another tool that can be used or abused.

Just play it safe... don't date the crazies...meet in public if you not sure of their craziness!

Have fun!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

ScarletBegonias said:


> And I don't consider putting a random female on the spot who is just out by herself enjoying the day shopping or doing things as a ballsy move.I find it invasive and obnoxious.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> braveheart2009
> do you ladies view *men who date through the net *less of a man than a *guy who *has the balls to *approach you *while doing the shopping?


I'm in the OLDER age demographic (56yo) and I don't view an internet-dater as LESS OF A MAN than an IRL dater. That being said, I PREFER to be approached in-person by a man. 

Maybe it's because I'm used to being able to judge the book by its cover (what's he wearing? tattoos? weight/shape? well-spoken? easy-going?)

Maybe it's because I believe that *I* look better in-person than I do in photos.

Maybe it's because I look young for my age, I'm active for my age, I have interests that are young for my age. So, *I* would do better with a guy who is younger than me. However, many men in their 40s would be put-off by my age WITHOUT factoring in my health, activity level, physical and mental condition. They have ALREADY pre-selected for women UNDER 50yo. They will never SEE my profile or get a chance to KNOW me. If, however, they met me IRL, they would never suspect I was 56yo and they would be interested in getting to know me...after which, hopefully, my age would be 'just a number.'

Do what works for YOU, braveheart! Whatever makes you feel comfortable will help you present yourself in the best light. There are women who are comfortable with EITHER scenario; so put yourself out there and GOOD LUCK!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Internet dating is pretty much becoming the norm in my part of the world. And the older generation are embracing it just as much as the younger.

I met my partner this way and know many others that have to. Personally I found it to be a fun and efficient way to connect with men. Like all things there is a good and a bad side but it is what you make of it.


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## gardengirl (Apr 18, 2013)

Well don't I feel silly... Took me a while to figure out the acronym OLD!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I met my h online but not on a dating site. I think it's fine but I wanted to meet soon after we started talking because I've heard so many people think they have sparks and then they meet and there's no chemistry. Obviously we had chemistry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

From a man's perspective ... it is far less sad than picking up random from the local bar ... unless strange is what you want and you aren't interested in anything else.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Like diwali, I met my husband online as well, but not on a dating site. We met IRL about 3 months later. We will celebrate our 13th anniversary next month. I don't think online dating is sad. I think it's perfectly acceptable.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Now what is sad is people who have online relationships for years and never meet and it turns out the other person isn't who they said they were.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


>


ANIMAL HOUSE......one of my all time favorites!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I'm in the OLDER age demographic (56yo) and I don't view an internet-dater as LESS OF A MAN than an IRL dater. That being said, I PREFER to be approached in-person by a man.
> 
> Maybe it's because I'm used to being able to judge the book by its cover (what's he wearing? tattoos? weight/shape? well-spoken? easy-going?)
> 
> ...


I've been there too. But then I realized I don't want to be with someone who is ageist. That is, I don't want to be with someone who is so narrow-minded that he has to be shocked to discover my year-age is about 15 years more than my physically presenting age. 

I'm now dating someone who is 14 years older than me. He takes way better care of himself physically and emotionally than most of the men I've met who are my age or younger (and yes, who are interested in dating much younger women...so now I can be the much younger woman, and have the benefit of having my interests and values matched as well, and who cares what anyone thinks regarding age difference, has not even come up between us.) 

I had to put aside my own ageism in order to meet this guy. lol.

But to answer the original question, I don't think it shows lack of gumption or self-esteem or whatever to approach a woman on the internet vs. in real life. Besides which, the opening line doesn't really matter. If it's IRL or internet, it's the follow-through that counts. A guy who is well-practiced in IRL pickups might be a real sleaze when push comes to shove, whereas after a bit of interaction via OLD sites you can generally detect a sleaze without any in person effort.

I think someone who is truly serious about dating and relationships won't stick to one or the other anyhow. The two approaches are not mutually exclusive. What matters for women, at least women who are interested in men, is not the rating of the b*lls, but whether they are present in the first place. 

Quality differs...some internet profiles and approaches are higher quality than others in delivery, and so are the pickups in the grocery store, etc. And it really depends on the eye of the beholder as well...

So much variability. 

I don't think your question can really be answered, OP, but it's a good pickup line in the grocery store!!!!


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

Interesting comments gals n guys however internet is good for people who are older and in rural areas I can understand and agree Internet may be the only way unless you go down the newspaper, mags ads! 

The issue I have is not that I feel its sad personally its just a tool to connect offline however its the perception of others when they find out you were Facebook buddies or tumbler twits. Imagine telling your granny and your son/daughter you met mammy on twitter or match.com rather than I met your mammy in a traffic jam or dropping a cucumber at the fruit store. 

I guess you should try meeting someone both ways at least you can say I tried but didn't find anyone so I had to go the online route. I personally think the media has got to people who think strangers are all bad people. The other day I made a comment to a Chinese little girl eating ice cream in a store her mother stared at me like it was a sin to speak to her. I say Hi to a lot of strangers with looks of criminality most of the time. Is it the recession that why?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Before the internet dating sites, were match-maker services, and newspaper ads, and magazines to find brides, and various social venues for finding a partner. 

These have fallen off somewhat, and been replaced, but also the idea/necessity/timing of marriage has changed as well.

What's sad is that when people use the internet to connect, in whatever way, even for dating or socially or to find directions or just for email correspondence, their need for e-social interaction is turned into an advertising campaign. Imagine if when you wanted to use your home phone or to send a letter, or even to meet your friend at a public park, you had to be exposed to some kind of marketing, some of which you weren't even aware of, and your interactions and conversations went into a database, that could be used to profile you and sell your e-access to companies for ad placement?

That day is coming, if not already here.

Now that, is sad. I wonder if the next step is for the most in-demand profiles on match and eharmony, etc. get ads attached to them. lol. Like, take me to these places (i.e. the favorite hot spots) or do this with me (sports/venue advertising)

If I didn't have an ethical mindset, I'd be making that happen right now.


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## Alexandria (Apr 21, 2013)

I met my husband on the net. I am in my 40's. I think people up to their 70's can meet someone online. Just modern times. I don't think less of anyone. And, who knows they don't do both to broaden their odds? I do think alot of men approach women and alot feel more easy to do it online. Plus, online, you get to find out their interests, their history, their family, etc. before you ever go on a date, so it is like pre-screening and not wasting so much time going on date after date only to find them a total mismatch. Plus, nowadays, women are not so easy to approach, I hear... with feminism, etc. Some guys get shy.






braveheart2009 said:


> As we become more attached to the net it seems 1 in 3 couples meet through the net. However, is this seen as a sad state of affairs by others especially the older generation who are alien to the net and computers.
> 
> Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping?
> 
> Thanks.


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

braveheart2009 said:


> As we become more attached to the net it seems 1 in 3 couples meet through the net. However, is this seen as a sad state of affairs by others especially the older generation who are alien to the net and computers.
> 
> Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping?
> 
> Thanks.


It's easy to assume that relationships that start IRL begin because they were based on the man's character- perhaps they met through friends or worked together or went to school together. It's also easy to assume that relationshis that start online may not be that strong because there is nobody else backing up your character and history is easily fabricated through emails or whatever.

On the other hand, I also feel creeped out when guys approach me in the store. Yes, it's come to this.

With all that said, I would do internet dating if I had to. The world is changing fast, my view of having no one to vouch for your character when web dating will soon be a minority.

Call me old fashion though, I tell my girls never to date anyone who asks you out through text. The boys must grow a pair and ask to go out in person. Luckily they are pretty girls and can get away with such demands.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

braveheart2009 said:


> Interesting comments gals n guys however internet is good for people who are older and in rural areas I can understand and agree Internet may be the only way unless you go down the newspaper, mags ads!
> 
> *The issue I have is not that I feel its sad personally its just a tool to connect offline however its the perception of others when they find out you were Facebook buddies or tumbler twits. Imagine telling your granny and your son/daughter you met mammy on twitter or match.com rather than I met your mammy in a traffic jam or dropping a cucumber at the fruit store.
> *
> I guess you should try meeting someone both ways at least you can say I tried but didn't find anyone so I had to go the online route. I personally think the media has got to people who think strangers are all bad people. The other day I made a comment to a Chinese little girl eating ice cream in a store her mother stared at me like it was a sin to speak to her. I say Hi to a lot of strangers with looks of criminality most of the time. Is it the recession that why?


If you find a person you are happy to share your life with then consider yourself fortunate; it doesn't matter what other people think about how you met.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't see anything wrong in someone going the route of OLD. Whether it's right for that person is another story.

I completed my divorce in m 40s. I had to come to terms with the fact that I probably was not getting much interest due to my age. Such an irony that in real life, a guy likes what he sees and then approaches. In fact it's considered rude to ask a lady's age. OLD takes that privilege away. In fact, a suitable guy may never see your profile because his search parameters won't allow him. 

In real life, guys of all ages have approached and asked me a for a date. The biggest age difference was 22 years younger than me..... So, In a city as bouyant as London and I just got out there did interesting things.

Regarding being approached in a grocery store, I am glad that many do not do it. If I thought I was going to meet the love of my life in the grocery store, well, I wouldn't there too often as I would worry about how I was dressed first. ditto, the gym.

In small towns, I can understand the importance of OLD and in the olden days, the personals. I know someone, not too well, but she is med school classmate of a very close friend of mine. Her first placement after med school was in one of those backwater places that most educated people avoid. In the 80s, she placed a few ads in the newspapers and found her husband within 2 years. 

Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Online dating is great if you're a woman because sites tend to be disproportionately male. It's kind of stupid if you're a older guy 35+ and you have numbers on your side IRL to go to a place where the numbers aren't in your favor. Plus, there was a thread recently that showed a study where men who were 10s might get something like 13 winks in a month while a woman who is a 5 would get something like 300-400.

Online dating is great if you're a woman and absolutely stupid and terrible if you're a man.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Zig said:


> Online dating is great if you're a woman because sites tend to be disproportionately male.


It's not great for women. 

They have other problems. Such as their inbox being overflowing with messages, and most guys being deceptive with their photos and descriptions, many women receive lude offensive messages, some get so freaked out they delete their profiles and give up almost immediately.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

northland said:


> It's not great for women.
> 
> They have other problems. Such as their inbox being overflowing with messages, and most guys being deceptive with their photos and descriptions, many women receive lude offensive messages, some get so freaked out they delete their profiles and give up almost immediately.


Yeah, if I got dozens or hundreds of indicators of interest from women my life would be sooooo terrible.

Sarcasm off.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Zig...it isn't that great for women. The type of guys who send messages are more than 90% not fit for consumption, and by that I mean, they look like they are writing from prison, from the grave, or from the womb. I know you might think "oh well, at least it is interest". But after subtracting all the men who are clearly on crack if they think you will answer them, you are left with one or two a month that are even worth one date. And from THOSE, 90% cannot even muster up the gumption to arrange a simple coffee date. Instead, they want to text and email for a month first, and most eventually disappear before ever meeting.

Therefore, what seems like a lot of interest is really just a lot of bored men playing a numbers game who never actually intend to meet you, or who chicken out before they do.

Having said that though, I still think it can be a worthwhile endeavor. 

Dating is fun! Actually nailing a date down is like nailing jello, however.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Zig...it isn't that great for women. The type of guys who send messages are more than 90% not fit for consumption, and by that I mean, they look like they are writing from prison, from the grave, or from the womb. I know you might think "oh well, at least it is interest". But after subtracting all the men who are clearly on crack if they think you will answer them, you are left with one or two a month that are even worth one date. And from THOSE, 90% cannot even muster up the gumption to arrange a simple coffee date. Instead, they want to text and email for a month first, and most eventually disappear before ever meeting.
> 
> Therefore, what seems like a lot of interest is really just a lot of bored men playing a numbers game who never actually intend to meet you, or who chicken out before they do.
> 
> ...


You might look down on them and they might actually be some pretty crappy men but THEY ARE STILL SHOWING AN INTEREST IN YOU. The study showed that an even average woman gets HUNDREDS of messages. Many men go on sites and through real life without a woman, any women ever showing even the mildest interest. 

It's really hard to be sympathetic when you've experienced this yourself.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Zig said:


> Yeah, if I got dozens or hundreds of indicators of interest from women my life would be sooooo terrible.
> 
> Sarcasm off.


Once you get out there and start dating attractive women you meet online, you'll understand.

The stories I have heard.. the most attractive women have it the worst. They're harassed, stalked, insulted, badgered.. they get so overwhelmed with messages they don't know what to do first. They finally chat with some guy who seems a bit more normal than all the wackjobs who she's been getting messages from, and she agrees to meet him and he's either old and fat and bald or he's trying to assault her during their first date.

It happens all the time.

Makes it a lot easier for guys like me.. all we gotta do is be close to normal and we're in.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

northland said:


> Once you get out there and start dating attractive women you meet online, you'll understand.
> 
> The stories I have heard.. the most attractive women have it the worst. They're harassed, stalked, insulted, badgered.. they get so overwhelmed with messages they don't know what to do first. They finally chat with some guy who seems a bit more normal than all the wackjobs who she's been getting messages from, and she agrees to meet him and he's either old and fat and bald or he's trying to assault her during their first date.
> 
> ...


You assume two things that are wrong:

1. Apparently 90% of men lie in their profiles but women are completely honest all of the time.

2. It's somehow better to have your choice of 2 or 3 people interested in you than a choice of 200 or 300 people interested in you.

You must be either extremely attractive or extremely wealthy to be as successful as you say (as a man) on a dating site.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Zig....you say they are "showing interest" but you have to be pretty careful about what you call "showing interest". Ok yeah sure, if you want to call "send me t*t pics" showing interest, written by a 65 y/o man to a 35 y/o woman...sure, whatever.

I understand what you are saying and yes it is very difficult, choppy dating waters out there. But please....PLEASE....try not to fantasize this "showing interest" into being something it is not. It really isn't like you think it is.

Are you currently doing any online dating? If so, which sites? Perhaps we can give you some tips if what you are really saying is that you aren't getting any interest?


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Zig....you say they are "showing interest" but you have to be pretty careful about what you call "showing interest". Ok yeah sure, if you want to call "send me t*t pics" showing interest, written by a 65 y/o man to a 35 y/o woman...sure, whatever.
> 
> I understand what you are saying and yes it is very difficult, choppy dating waters out there. But please....PLEASE....try not to fantasize this "showing interest" into being something it is not. It really isn't like you think it is.
> 
> Are you currently doing any online dating? If so, which sites? Perhaps we can give you some tips if what you are really saying is that you aren't getting any interest?


I'm not dumb enough to actually join a dating site.

Apparently, the overwhelmingly majority of men on sites are borderline sex offenders/harassers but women are always truthful.

A woman has a choice of HUNDREDS of men. Men have a choice of 5-10 if they are extremely attractive and many much less. I'm trying to warn men before they waste money on something so disadvantageous for them.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You're not "dumb enough"?

Wow.

Ok. I'm glad you are so smart!

I won't bother posting to you in the future. Good luck.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> You're not "dumb enough"?
> 
> Wow.
> 
> ...


I don't see why you took personal offense to what I said about DATING SITES. Did you meet your SO on a site?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No I did not. But I have been on them in the past (before I met him) and met many wonderful people. I also have literally dozens of friends and relatives, both male and female, who are currently or in the past on dating sites. I don't judge people as "dumb" for it, and therefore, I find your statement insulting.

But no problem...you will figure things out for yourself. You are right, it is nothing personal against me.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Zig said:


> You assume two things that are wrong:
> 
> 1. Apparently 90% of men lie in their profiles but women are completely honest all of the time.
> 
> ...


No, I don't assume either one of those things.

Many if not most women I've met from the dating sites are dishonest in their profiles as well.

I'd rather have a choice of a dozen or so potentials at any given time that might turn into something after a first meetup then 100s or even thousands of messages overflowing my online dating mailbox mostly filed with illiterate unemployed stalkers who I never wanted to hear from in the first place.

I'm a decent looking guy who makes good money and -when I've been single- I don't have a problem meeting enough women to keep my dating schedule full.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Zig said:


> Like I said in my other post, you are very lucky and I wish I could have some of your luck.


Sometimes it's not luck.

Sometimes it's about having a positive attitude.

Also there's nothing like learning from experience.

After a few years of online dating I've got it pretty well figured out.


And I can tell you it's not nearly as bad as you seem to think it is.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I think internet dating is just another option for meeting people. It's like Meetup.com, except the primary purpose is to find people to date, engage in a relationship, etc. There's nothing sad about it at all and I certainly wouldn't hold it against anyone who utilizes it. Most of my friends do. 

I don't because it's just doesn't fit in with my type of personality or what I want to do with my life at this time. I don't mind being single or alone. In fact, right now I don't WANT a committed or long term relationship at all. I wouldn't mind dating for fun but I am not inclined to put the time and effort into the online dating process that is required of it. Too much work. I also hate the way I look in pictures. 

Also, I defy being categorized and defined in just a few sentences and paragraphs. I can't imagine how I'd begin to describe myself. I am a person of so many contradictions, directions, descriptions that I wouldn't know where to start.. 

Plus, I rarely meet someone right away and like them right off the bat. It takes time for me to get used to someone and enjoy being with them. The whole process and way it's done just wouldn't work for me and would be just a frustrating and irritating experience. 

Not to mention that I hate talking on the phone and don't have time to text and chat and email and engage in small talk with people I don't even know. 

So I'm going to spare the world and myself the aggravation and just hope I meet someone through social interactions at meetup events or through friends or just wandering around.

But if someone else wants to do the online dating thing, then more power to them. No harm in that.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Zig said:


> I'm not dumb enough to actually join a dating site.
> 
> Apparently, the overwhelmingly majority of men on sites are borderline sex offenders/harassers but women are always truthful.
> 
> A woman has a choice of HUNDREDS of men. Men have a choice of 5-10 if they are extremely attractive and many much less. I'm trying to warn men before they waste money on something so disadvantageous for them.


So you are not actually internet dating and you imply that those of us that have/do are dumb yet you feel knowledgeable enough on the topic to warn others.

My dad is in his 70's and met his LTR partner via internet dating 10 years ago. He is not dumb, neither am I or the countless of other people I know personally that have met great people from online dating.

TBH with your attitude to OLD it is better that you don't get involved in it. Sure you need thick skin and a good SOH but you need that IRL anyway. Maybe develop those attributes before putting yourself out there.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

There are so many common misperceptions in this post that i have quoted below I feel it is my duty to clear up the confusion for those who may be reading this thread.



Freak On a Leash said:


> I don't because it's just doesn't fit in with my type of personality or what I want to do with my life at this time. I don't mind being single or alone. In fact, right now I don't WANT a committed or long term relationship at all.


Most online dating sites have options that you choose when creating a profile because not everyone is looking for the same thing. You can state you're looking for friends, activity partners, meaningless noncommitted sex, casual dating, or long term relationship. It's not as black and white as you believe it is.



Freak On a Leash said:


> I wouldn't mind dating for fun but I am not inclined to put the time and effort into the online dating process that is required of it.


What effort? You browse a bunch of profiles, send out a few messages, set up a first date and you go do it. I don't send more then a handful of messages back and forth before arranging a date because I don't want to waste a lot of time on a person that I might not even like all that much. 



Freak On a Leash said:


> Too much work. I also hate the way I look in pictures.


If you post a half a dozen pictures, it's going to give a good idea of what you look like. If you think you can't look good in 1 or 2 pictures out of a half a dozen then perhaps it's more about how you feel about yourself and the appearance you believe you are giving off to the world. People write on their profiles all the time "I am much better looking in real life than my pictures". So you're not alone in feeling that way. 



Freak On a Leash said:


> Also, I defy being categorized and defined in just a few sentences and paragraphs. I can't imagine how I'd begin to describe myself. I am a person of so many contradictions, directions, descriptions that I wouldn't know where to start..


This quote above would be a perfect dating profile text description. Add to it "I'll tell you more when we meet", and you've got yourself a profile. 



Freak On a Leash said:


> Plus, I rarely meet someone right away and like them right off the bat. It takes time for me to get used to someone and enjoy being with them. The whole process and way it's done just wouldn't work for me and would be just a frustrating and irritating experience.


That would apply regardless of whether you meet a person in a bar, at a social event, in a supermarket or on a dating site. No difference. 



Freak On a Leash said:


> Not to mention that I hate talking on the phone and don't have time to text and chat and email and engage in small talk with people I don't even know.


The girl I'm with now.. we met on a dating site over a year ago. We didn't talk on the phone even one time before we met. We sent about a half dozen messages back and forth and that was it. How much time do you think that took? You have to put in "some" amount of time and effort regardless of how you go about it, a person isn't just going to land in your lap out of thin air.



Freak On a Leash said:


> So I'm going to spare the world and myself the aggravation and just hope I meet someone through social interactions at meetup events or through friends or just wandering around.


Now THAT sounds like a big waste of time.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Although the concept is a good one, in practice it is depressing, sad, whatever you want to call it. 

I don't think that ultimately there is anything more or less quality to men who use o-l-d vs. traditional pick-ups, but...

after some experimentation with on-line dating and going out to do things I enjoy, on my own...I'm finding that my fun factor is much better when I venture forth on my own. 

When my subscriptions run out, they'll run out. No renewals.

Going to a contra dance this weekend. I know there are familiar faces there and it will be fun. 

My time for social life and fun is limited, and I've found that I resent giving an entire weekend evening or free evening during the week to one person. It kind of spoils the play or dance or movie or whatever it is. And removes the potential of finding someone who is like-minded and also alone. And then there is the having to tell someone that you enjoyed meeting them, that you don't do opposite-sex friendships, and that you're not interested in pursuing romance/relationship with them. That's tough, it really wears down on one's spirit. I think that's probably the #1 reason to avoid o-l-d over socializing in your areas of interest.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

northland said:


> Now THAT sounds like a big waste of time.


:lol::rofl: No it isn't. Ever occur to you that my life at least isn't about looking for someone to hook up with or get into a relationship with? I just want to go out, meet people and have fun. For that purpose, meetup.com and clubs work fine for me. 

Now if you want to meet people for the express purpose of DATING then sure, online dating is a GREAT way to go about it..or at least a viable option. But dating isn't a huge priority for me and seriously, I can't be bothered putting for the effort to take pics, post them and go through all the profiles and then call, text, email people and have it done to me in return before I actually FIND someone that I'd want to actually date. 

My plate is pretty full as it is so really, I don't want to put out the effort. It's just not a priority in my life. 

And I don't like most people right off so the whole "blind date" thing doesn't really mesh because when you get down to it, online dating IS about going on a blind date. 

My point is that it's not really MY thing but that doesn't mean it's not for someone else. I was just explaining MY position therefore as it relates to ME and my POV so therefore it's not a "misconception" but rather my very biased opinion. 

That said, I'm not ruling it out for the future. Things change and I might feel the need to explore new avenues. You never know. I try and keep an open mind.  Might be fun at the very least.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Love your attitude FOL. You are a solid chick :smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Holland said:


> Love your attitude FOL. You are a solid chick :smthumbup:


 Thanks Holland! :smthumbup: You are totally awesome yourself!


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

Good comments. I think OLD has it pros and cons in the end meeting someone in the traditional way will always lead a good impression on yourself and others, the downside is lots of women are too scared to get to know a guy initially out of nowhere for fear of being an offender or criminal. The amound of times I have said Hi to strangers and you get a blunt face like what on earth u say that for like it was a sin/crime to say it. From my part of the world it seems like OLD is the only way unless your involved with a big company or group of people at Uni.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is sad if people are so wound up that someone saying hi to them is an issue. Can't see what the big deal is myself. 

I know of people that have met through more traditional means such as work, friends of friends etc and they have turned out to be crackers. I never had any reason to be concerned about any of the guys I met for coffee or dates from online. The same safety rules apply for OLD as meeting in traditional ways.

It is important for everyone to have a well tuned radar, look for clues, inconsistencies etc it is not that hard to work out if someone is not quite right. 

Having rules before you start is a good idea, eg I would never give my address, let them see my rego number. Had a fixed rule of no one coming to my place for a minimum of 6 months. No one lasted more than a few dates till I met my now partner but even with him I took it very slow and made sure his words and actions were in alignment, made sure his story was real, where he worked, his divorce status, met his family and some collegues well before he was given my address. My family and friends had his phone number, work details etc.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

I guess everyone has there own preferance for sure, however I am sure the vast majority of us would prefer to crash into there other half in a fun way rather than go OLD. 

The stats show more and more numbers are going OLD only testifies the fact that they either have no time to find the OH or simply fearful they maybe a offender. 

Thats my take on it.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Some fun statistics for online dating:

Online Dating Statistics | Statistic Brain

A woman's desirability peaks at 21.

At 26, women have twice as many pursuers as men. By the time men are 48, men have twice as many pursuers as women. 

40 million out of the 54 million singles have tried online dating.

Men lie about age, height, and income.

Women lie about weight, physical build, and age.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

I have been using online to meet my guys since 2001 when it was Love @AOL...which was a far superior layout not to mention free than what is out there now. 

Anyway, I have always found it to be an efficient way of meeting people once I stopped the bar scene. Although, I loved it anytime I would meet someone because they came up to me at some random moment. The best was when I was 19, my crappy car was overheating again...and here comes a hot marine in his 67 Camaro asking if I needed help. 3 hours later in that same spot we were still talking and we were together 3 years until he died. 

Ever since then, there hasn't been a moment like that for me. So online it is. But, if I ever find myself single again and I venture online again, I will be doing some things differently. I won't start a relationship over text messaging. I will give out my house number only, and if I am not home they can leave me a message. I miss that feeling too...the anticipation of _did he call while I was out_. I won't give out my cell phone number until we are actively dating...maybe even exclusive. I definitely won't sleep with them until exclusivity has been agreed upon. 

Finding good guys online is really hard, because a lot of them are just looking for hook-ups. I am never attracted to the guy that says he loves to constantly travel and have a good time. That tells me he isn't looking for a commitment. Nor will I respond to a guy that has a picture of himself with a female other then his mother or grandmother. 

I met my fiancé on POF...I hope he gets his sh*t together enough where we can make it work, and I won't ever have to put myself out there again. But, if I find myself single again...I won't have any problems going online again. Heck I might even try and actual matchmaker.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I met the guy I have been dating almost six months on an online dating site. Online dating was something new for me as I was married for so many years, and I am in my 40's, so yeah, it was kind of the only option. I don't do the bar scene, my friends are all married, or like being single..lol 

What I find really creepy was when I joined a single parents meet up group in my area, and I actually knew a couple of the women from my kids school, that was the fun part. But some people treat it like it's dating, I'm there for an activity with my kids not to hook up. Anyway, this guy was chatting with me, I was not interested obviously. The next day he requested my friendship on Facebook??? I found that to be rude, and of course did not add him, but wow, the nerve. That's worse than the grocery store pick ups.

I have to say that when I was doing the online dating, I didn't much like the chatting back and forth, I prefered to meet and see if there was any chemistry. Honestly, I went on a lot of first dates, none of them I found interesting, and many had lied about themselves, old photos etc. (I know women do this as well). Until I met my SO, I was becoming discouraged. We met, we clicked, and he looked exactly like his photo..lol He wasn't wanting a "hook up", a perfect gentleman. I did meet some nice people, but just not my type.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

braveheart2009 said:


> As we become more attached to the net it seems 1 in 3 couples meet through the net. However, is this seen as a sad state of affairs by others especially the older generation who are alien to the net and computers.
> 
> Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping?
> 
> Thanks.


Nope, shows they are serious about wanting to meet someone. My hubby and I met on the internet and I've never been even remotely uncomfortable telling anyone about it. I think it is kinda cool


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TCSRedhead said:


> I don't think it IS different but in my line of work, I see where trust is built over the internet because the communication is spread over time and people forget that they really don't 'know' the other person.
> 
> We had a rash of people victimized last year via dating sites where they had spent 6+ months talking to men/women thinking they were all real and legitimate. Come to find out, they were all the same person in a different country looking to scam them.
> 
> Because such a long time period had passed, these idjits had let their guard down and given the fraudster a LOT of personal details.


People need to learn to be smarter than this. It is true that often a false sense of security can be built up online. After my experiences with meeting dates on-line, I think that meeting someone in real life after only a few weeks on online chat is a good idea. Meet them in a safe place. Drive yourself. Make it short. This way you can start to evaluate the real person and not the on-line picture they paint of themself.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> We had a rash of people victimized last year via dating sites where they had spent 6+ months talking to men/women thinking they were all real and legitimate. Come to find out, they were all the same person in a different country looking to scam them.
> 
> Because such a long time period had passed, these idjits had let their guard down and given the fraudster a LOT of personal details.


Anyone who's going to sit and chat with someone for 6 months without meeting them face to face isn't really doing online dating, they're social misfits who are at the height of dysfunctionality and have major issues that prohibit them from interacting with people in real life and are probably incapable of having a real relationship.

I'm not saying they deserve to be scammed or otherwise victimized but I AM saying that such individuals are easy targets and they are not representative of normal people who are doing online dating to actually meet someone.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

I think OLD is good for people with special circumstances like both are blind or can't have children, however its sad times when we need to twit someone to show an interest rather than saying Hi at the mall. In the 60's I heard women used to drop a tissue to indicate intrest how simple and funny is that compared to now. Back to the 60's I say.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I was dating back in the 60's. No women did not drop a tissue to indicate interest. That's a story I heard about Victorian times.

When do something like say hi to someone in the mall, you are doing so based solely on their appearance. Picking someone based solely on appearances is the shallowest way to find a mate. If the intent is to pick someone based on meaning full parameters, then a person will spend a lot of time dropping hankies looking for someone other than a good looking low life.

The internet is a very valid way to find someone to date and marry. A person just needs to be smart about it. The idea is to weed out people who are not of the character you would be interested in. It helps to narrow down people pretty quickly.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

braveheart2009 said:


> As we become more attached to the net it seems 1 in 3 couples meet through the net. *However, is this seen as a sad state of affairs by others especially the older generation who are alien to the net and computers.*
> 
> Question is do you ladies view men who date through the net less of a man than a guy who has the balls to approach you while doing the shopping?
> 
> Thanks.


Really, seen as a sad state of affairs to the older generations? Odd.. have you seen all the senior dating sites? I turn 64 this summer. I see nothing wrong with using the internet to find someone. People just need to be smart about how they go about it. It's the same as when you meed someone anywhere in real life... you have to be smart enough to not just cling to the first person who shows interest in you. YOu have to know what characteristics you are looking for.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> I was dating back in the 60's. No women did not drop a tissue to indicate interest. That's a story I heard about Victorian times.
> 
> When do something like say hi to someone in the mall, you are doing so based solely on their appearance. Picking someone based solely on appearances is the shallowest way to find a mate. If the intent is to pick someone based on meaning full parameters, then a person will spend a lot of time dropping hankies looking for someone other than a good looking low life.
> 
> The internet is a very valid way to find someone to date and marry. A person just needs to be smart about it. The idea is to weed out people who are not of the character you would be interested in. It helps to narrow down people pretty quickly.


I don't believe saying Hi implies your only saying that because they look pretty it maybe one of the reasons however not all men are pervs. 



EleGirl said:


> Really, seen as a sad state of affairs to the older generations? Odd.. have you seen all the senior dating sites? I turn 64 this summer. I see nothing wrong with using the internet to find someone. People just need to be smart about how they go about it. It's the same as when you meed someone anywhere in real life... you have to be smart enough to not just cling to the first person who shows interest in you. YOu have to know what characteristics you are looking for.


Not to those using the net but there are large numbers in my outer family that have no concept of OLD or even facebook.


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## alanaj (Apr 29, 2013)

...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I just realized how ironic this thread is, since we have all benefited in our mental and emotional health, and sometimes even our physical and financial health, by being on this web site. We found spouses/partners however we found them and something went wrong with that choice, and we came to mingle O-L with total strangers to set it all right, and have often succeeded. I say, let technology carry on! It's like a car, you can use it to get somewhere, or it can run you over or you can run someone else over with it. It's not what it is, it's how it's used, and who is behind the wheel. Metaphorically or literally.

I think OLD requires a bit more fortitude, the courage and skill to know when to tell someone that you don't feel there's enough compatibility and to let it go and to move on.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

braveheart2009 said:


> I think OLD is good for people with special circumstances like both are blind or can't have children, however its sad times when we need to twit someone to show an interest rather than saying Hi at the mall. *In the 60's I heard women used to drop a tissue to indicate intrest how simple and funny is that compared to now. Back to the 60's I say.*


I lived in the 60s and the only time I ever saw that was in cartoons. 

I suppose at this point I should own share in meetup because once I found that my social life in London took off. i made a few female friends, got a few dates and then met my fiance.

So not exactly online dating, but through pooling people through means that are online, I was able to enhance my social life.

I am sure even the most popular person in any city can say that their social was even more enhanced by the digital age.

People who want to bring back the 60s or even 70s, 80s and 90s, at a time when most people felt the only good time to find a partner was at university........ well, you can have it.

With every change there is good and bad. the mature person accesses this change to their advantage and stops complaining or putting down other people.

Stop and consider what people were most likely saying about the telephone when it was still new......... and when it was not so new like in the 70s when I was a teenager and beyond that.........


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