# stuck in a sex slump



## sivano2 (Aug 9, 2011)

Hello,
My dilemma is that my partner have been together for 4 years and for the past 6 months we have been stuck in a sex slump. Before he used to want me all the time even when im undressing to get ready to bed he would jump on me in a sec, but now even when I go up to him and start kissing him and hugging him he would just say something like "Aww thanks babe but i don’t want to have sex now I’m watching TV". I'm not used to asking for it, b/c I'm a woman it really frustrates me that not only I have to ask for it but on top of that he turns me down constantly. Then when he is in the mood at night I'm still angry that he turned me down 3 times before when I was in the mood, so I turn him down because he just sits there and expects me to initiate it again. So I just reject him and fall asleep because he is not even trying to put me in the mood first but just jumps on me. I feel like it is not important to him to satisfy me when I need sex and he just wants to have sex when he feels like it, and I should always be ready when he wants it but he always turns me down when I'm horny. The other thing is that I usually want it in the morning or during the day and he always wants it at night when I'm tired from work and just want to go to bed. What should I do so that we are in sink more? And how should I approach him so that he understands that if he wants me he has to kiss me and hug me before we start having sex, so that im satisfied too.


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## Northbound (Aug 9, 2011)

Hi, I have gone through the same thing with my husband however our slump started right after we got engaged and has continued for the last 6 years. I was a very sexual person and not use to being turned down and when my husband started to turn me down I also retalieated with refusing him when he wanted it since I figured why should he be satisfied if I have been left rejected time after time, it gotten to the point that I even withhold any type of affection. We have a 3 year old son and it has been even harder to make physical connection, I wish that I would have sought out help earlier on this issue and it was one of the main reasons that I joined this sight since I do love my husband and I want to reconnect with him on all levels.


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## micolr (Aug 9, 2011)

I've always had a very strong sex drive, that is, until I got married. It's breaking my heart because I truly love my wife, admire her, and cherish her with every ounce of my being, but I just don't desire her sexually very much.

I see her dealing with it in her own way, trying to look younger, envying pretty young girls out of the corner of her eye(not that I even notice them, I do because I see her looking), and most recently, getting a botox type surgery done on her upper lip to remove lines. 

I'm not tempted to cheat, I don't feel unfulfilled,(well, a little at times)and I'm generally happy with my marriage, and so is she because we spend tons of time together, talk, easily relate, all things but have awesome sex.

I'm confused, frustrated, and desperately wanting a solution, but her nor I are the type to do kinky, weird, or perverted things. That will NOT be our solution, it must be healthy, natural, and come from a whole person.

HELP!!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Does he watch a lot of porn?


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## Northbound (Aug 9, 2011)

My husband also does not look at other women or is into Kinky acts. However he has lost his drive its not physical since in that area everything works I think it may be mental he has alot on his plate and sex or shows of affection are not a priority in his mind since his parents are not really close physically I think he feels that its not needed in a marriage. In my case that is furthest from the truth I need emotinal and physical validation. I have found myself also looking at ways that I can improve my looks which in the past I would not have really considered since I figured that I was desireable to my partner. At this point my husband shows no interest in me so in turn I show no interst in him. I feel myself wanting validation from anyone at this point just so I can feel attractive, when I get ready I no longer get ready for my husband but I think of what others may think and if I can get attention from them. I know that this is a horrible thought to have but I crave attention so bad right now that it is almost a starving feeling. My husband is a wonderful person and a great father but I'm just feeling like a fixture in the home vs. a women.


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## Northbound (Aug 9, 2011)

As a women I can say that if my husband does not desire me sexually or just does not have the drive he once did I think that if he just validated me in ways that would make me feel special and attractive like taking me to pick out cloths and praising me or taking me into places like V.Secret and letting me feel sexy. Taking out to a romantic meal or dancing somthing that can make us have a connection at this point I dont think having sex is what will mend us its making that connection and feeling like he wants to make that connection that would make me desire him again.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Something that can go a long way toward rectifying a lack of attention is communication. Spouses often just assume that their spouse is intending to communicate X with their actions and they also assume that their spouses will infer Y without ever using their mouths to say the words that are necessary.

So stop assuming and hinting and thinking and throw in some talking with that. When your verbal and nonverbal communciations are in sync, your spouse should get the picture. If you tell him that you are hurt by him ignoring you and that your eyes are beginning to wander to other men, then he will interpret your actions in an entirely new light and probably start taking some action.


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