# marriage broken down after 10 months



## rightman (Sep 23, 2011)

not sure where to start. i married my wife in November last year, we had been together for 5 years previous. life was good until shortly after we married then we started to argue a lot, she changed slightly as she was on hormone drugs as we wanted a baby. we argued over mainly over petty things, other things involved trust.
she looked at my phone the other week and found a pic my best friend had sent to me - as a joke. it was me with my arm round another girl lying on a bed. i told her the truth there and then that it was taken before we got married and i had kissed her when i was drunk and that i regretted it but wanted to block it out. 

this was 3 weeks ago and we met today and she says she wants a divorce. i think she is still hurting badly and im not sure what to do. we have a house together and im currently stopping at my parents. my friends have told her to give her space to allow her to miss me etc 

she says she can never trust me again and that its over. both familes want us to give it another go , as do i.

any advice greatly appreciated.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Can your BF provide the date (dated negitives) that will confirm your statement?

Is your BF forthcoming enought to track down old GF and supply info to W for her own investigation.

Will your dumb @ss friend spend the heavy dough to take a polygraph ($350) to get you out of this BS? If your friend isn't willing to make things right by taking this test then he is a POS friend for bring this kind of hurt on you and your furure ex wife.

Your BF should do the heavy lifting to fix this or he aint no BF!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If any friend did this as a "joke", he would get his ass chewed.

How disrespectful. I take it your friend is single? No one in a relationship would do such a moronic thing.

As far as your wife goes...I don't know if I'd believe you either.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Then get your so-called best friend to explain it to her. Let's see....my best friend is having marital problems, so I'm going to send him a picture of him with another girl that was taken before he and his wife got together. 

Your best friend is an idiot for doing something as juvenile as that, and you should have deleted it as soon as you received it and taken him to task for it. And now your wife thinks you're cheating. On top of that your friends give you even more bad advice, which looks like you're pushing her away. She's not cheating, so there's no need to go dark on her. You should carpet love bomb her. You know, actually show remorse for doing something stupid before you got married instead of acting like you don't care. Are your friends 15 years old or something?


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

Drop the friend off a cliff (metaphorically), and get the solid proof that this was before you were married in her hands right away.

Although if it happened while you where engaged...I'm not sure it will matter.

Stop listening to your friends because they are going to end up getting you divorced.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

What a funny joke. I guess your friend likes you better when you were single or want you to behave like single even after you're married. Both ways not the kind of friend you need! I guess it's yoúr mistake for saving the picture. I personally hate this kind of BS in a marriage! May be so does your wife! You should have known this about her...
And the advice.... communicate more with your wife,not with your friend, she'll appreciate it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You said it happened before you got married, not that it happened before you knew or were seeing your wife. There's a significant difference. Like, did it happen the night before you got married, or 3 years before you even met your wife? And why did you keep the picture on your phone?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rightman (Sep 23, 2011)

i dont know wh i kept it - it was just in my picture folder. i should of deleted it.

i spoke to my wife today and she said she just wants space. but is still saying its over. she may soften. i hope so i dont want to end my marriage after 10 months. i know i have been a fool. 

in answer to the other poster - it happened about 6 months before we got married. i was out and got drunk. no excuse but i felt sick about it and had tried to block it out my head.

thanks for advice so far this forum is helping.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

That's a pretty key factor... You had been together for over 4 years, and you cheated on her 6 moths before you got married. Now you want to just forget it ever happened... Don't think it works that way. If you want to fix things, you need to figure out WHY it happened. "I don't know" and "I was drunk" are not reasons that are going to help her. Even if she does forgive you and you get back together, you should still actively work on solving the issues that lead to it.

I'm speaking from my experience... Sweeping things under the rug may work for the short term. But sooner or later, it's likely to come back and bite you in the ass.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your friend sucks and does not respect your marriage. Jokes are meant to be funny. What he did wasn't. 

Check it -- you cheated on your wife presumably while still engaged to her, 6 months before the wedding. 

Just because you "block something" out of your head and are "drunk" doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Try to 'splain yourself to your wife. You said ther eare things like "other trust issues" so I am assuming what you mention her eis just the tip of the iceberg.

Try to win your wife's trust back. She will ever forgive you and believe you are seriously committed to the marriage or she won't and will divorce you. 

I would start out by telling her everything. Keep no skeletons hidden.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You're up *bleep* creek. 6 months before the marriage ouch. If you lose her, hope you learned a very hard lesson from this.

As to how to keep her, nothing you can do really. That's gonna be up to her, begging will only piss her off more, playing Mr. cool will make you look like a jerk. It's a lose/lose situation for you here buddy.

All you can do is try to do the best for yourself and hope and pray that she takes you back, if not...Then you just screwed yourself.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Yeah, def not a good situation to be in. Take it from someone who was told " I was drunk and Im sorry, it was just a kiss"..it really dosent make you feel any better. And im more than positive she dosent believe that all you did was kiss her. And that fact that shes on hormones..and trying to get pregnant..is a whole different level of distrust for her. Me and my husband were supposed to try for our 3rd in December..and he did that in august. So, she also feels betrayed because now she has to put somehting she wanted on hold, because of your poor decisions. Im not trying to attack you, but you have a long road ahead of you, and you cant expect her to accept any excuse ..because theyre just that..excuses.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

rightman said:


> i dont know wh i kept it - it was just in my picture folder. i should of deleted it.
> 
> i spoke to my wife today and she said she just wants space. but is still saying its over. she may soften. i hope so i dont want to end my marriage after 10 months. i know i have been a fool.
> 
> ...


You messed up bad.

Your friend is an @$$hole. 

But your mistake was putting yourself into this circumstance. What were you doing out drunk, with another girl, and anywhere near a bed without your SO. 

You have a bad boundary problem. Also when we do stuff like this we don't usually just get caught the one time we have made a bad choice. So how many other times have you put yourself into these circumstances? How many other girls have you girls fondled or whatever? Why did your friend take that picture to begin with let alone sent it to you. You chose to keep it on your phone.

This was six months before you were married but lets get real here. You were in an LTR. married or not you were being unfaithful. Your wife is being asked to accept your story as it stands. There is probably a little more to all of this you have not told us yet. This is not the first time she has suspected that you have been behaving badly .... is it? If so, wow, what incredibly bad luck you have. So how did your bachelor party go? Sorry, this just makes me wonder about your friends.

Just maybe your friend likes your wife.

How old are you guys? Not an expert but she needs hormone therapy? Messing with hormones can cause all sorts of fun and excitement, good and bad.


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

rightman said:


> It happened about 6 months before we got married. i was out and got drunk. no excuse but i felt sick about it and had tried to block it out my head.


You said it all right there!

You and the wife were together many years before you were married, and this happened just 6 months before your wedding.

This proves empirically the following:

1. You have bad character.
2. You were not ready for a life long marriage.
3. You have very bad morals.
4. You are a bad person.
5. No woman deserves the likes of you.
6. Your wife would be STUPID to give you a 2nd chance.
7. You are morally bankrupt.

The good news is that you can be a better man, but only if you do this:

1. Let the wife go....there is NOTHING you can do to make her feel 100% trust in you. You broke it forever, and it is over forever.

2. Get your sorry azz into counseling, and fix yourself. 

3. Drop perhaps ALL the friends you have now...they are like you, and you need to stay away from others that are like you.

You act like the victim, and you ignore that you are a lying little boy...you don't have the balls to be worthy of any woman.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

ThirdTime..would Def love to get your input on my situation..your a little harsh. if you get a minute and could read it, thatd be awesome.


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> ThirdTime..would Def love to get your input on my situation..your a little harsh. if you get a minute and could read it, thatd be awesome.


Nikki, I'm sorry I'm a bit harsh...but I do mean well ;-) What can I do for you?


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

in the coping with infidelity forum..i posted something up..titled Military spouse in need of help..you could find my situation there. i eman obviously theres a bit more to it, but i think the general overall picture is all you need for now..thankss!

btw..the "your a little harsh" was def a compliment


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> in the coping with infidelity forum..i posted something up..titled Military spouse in need of help..you could find my situation there. i eman obviously theres a bit more to it, but i think the general overall picture is all you need for now..thankss!
> 
> btw..the "your a little harsh" was def a compliment


Mikki, I'd be glad to take a look...


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