# Please help - attached



## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

Im currently separated from my H, but it's my choice... However, I still feel like I'm falling apart. Things have been bad for sooo long, but I finally decided to do something about it. I miss my best friend, but not so much my "husband." I feel like a horrible person. Although everything that happened led to this, I find myself taking all the blame for everything because I left. I'm hurting so bad, but I'm not sure how to get over it. Hes feeling angry and has been very mean. He told me a few days ago....via text...while I was sleeping..that he wants to go into NC. then last night he calls me and asks me if I'm going to his friend's wedding with him. I said no, and he said he'd take someone else. 

Like I said, I miss my best friend, I know he's hurting/angry, but idk what to do....any advice?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

bluebeauty said:


> any advice?


Take it one day at a time - cliched but true. Try and spend a few minutes thinking about something else (anything else) and the feeling may subside enough for you to get moving again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are separated. Is this a permanent separation? Or are the two of you supposed to be working on reconciliation?

What are your plans for divorce?


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks Grenville!!

Ele - we want to try everything before divorce. We've always been better friends than lovers. Sighs...I don't want to be in limbo anymore. We're supposed to be dating each other, but he said he doesn't want to date me. I asked him what he wants, and he said he wants me back home now or divorce. I said "so you want me to come home and pretend everything is fine?" he was like "yeah"...he said in the meantime he is going to be as mean to me as he wants, if I come back, he said hed be completely nice...

I feel foolish
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## rfAlaska (Jul 28, 2011)

Seriously? He can be mean to you now but if you come back, he will be nice? I'm sorry, but to me, that sounds completely ridiculous. Is that what he would call trying?

Honestly Blue, I think you're done. You're heart is not in it and I don't think it ever will be.

Stop feeling guilty and divorce so you can both move on. I know .... Easier said than done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

I told him its ridiculous, but he said it is what it is. If my heart isn't in it, why do I feel so depressed? . It's def easier said than done
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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

What you're feeling is normal when a relationship ends. It's the residual affects of all the emotions. You have to remember you left for a reason or for many reasons, none of which were your fault. Stop beating yourself up and find something to occupy your mind to get your thoughts off of him. You just keep allowing him to hurt you more and more. What worked for me when I broke up with a guy was reading a good book. I didn't want to keep fighting the urge to call him. I didn't want to keep wanting to think about him. I didn't want to keep on crying. I didn't want to keep beating myself up. I knew I needed something to take my mind off the whole situation. A good book did the trick. After 2 or 3 days of reading the book, nothing seemed so dire anymore, and he was only an afterthought. The book made moving on so much easier, and I was ready to face life again.....completely without him.


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

River - that's a great idea! I guess i don't really know what the normal feelings are cause I've been with my H so long. Idk why but I find myself reminiscing a lot...it's killing me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Buildingblocks (Apr 22, 2012)

I just had to register for replying. I'm with your husband on this, i'm thinking from his standpoint. Imagine what he's going through in his head. The best thing that happened to him (YOU) is toying with his feelings and i can't imagine him thinking straight. Remember it was YOU who CHOSE to have this separation. 

In fact he gave you two straightforward options Divorce or Home together. If you want to see how it goes with him on dates, why not just go back home, live in different rooms(separately) and have dates then. Someone has to budge.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

I agree with BuildingBlocks and having been on here for a bit lurking, now a member, so many people are jaded about relationships. Divorce and being over isn't why your in the considering section for speration or divorce. 

Have you done MC or even IC? I would say try and have a reasonable talk. Explain that his rationale isn't reasonable for the situation. My wife dropped the D on me but I kept it cool and said "ok, not what I want, but part of being an adult is accepting and dealing with things you don't want or like."

Your H should try and understand and you should try to see it from his side. As it stands all you guys are doing is driving wedges in communication and it's only going to get worse. Try and talk and be civil, I know you are but try and get him to concede that it won't ever get better with him disrespecting you verbally. 

I hope you both find peace in this, either as a union or separately. Keep your head up and do whats right for you.


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## Buildingblocks (Apr 22, 2012)

Bluebeauty...in the end you have to think that if you two go through with divorce (which i don't hope), what guarantee is that you fall in love with a new guy and over sometime have these same feelings again. Also there is no guarantee that others are even close to as good as he has been with you. My 2 cents...put the man out of his misery and take a decision (atleast thats what he thinks).


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

We separated months before and I came back because I wanted to work on it, nothing changed....I stayed 4 months to try to work on things head on. I go to IC once a week. We tried MC, but he wouldnt talk  I understand he is hurting. If I wasn't thinking about him and how he is feeling, I wouldn't be as upset.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

bluebeauty said:


> Like I said, I miss my best friend, I know he's hurting/angry, but idk what to do....any advice?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What you need to do is end the fence-stting & the limbo for both of you . BTW why do you guys even need to communicate while you are seprated when no kids are involved ?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Marriage counselling?


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