# Wife experiences pain during intercourse.



## djflybum (Jun 2, 2021)

Hello. My name is Mike. My wife is Liz. I'm going to be completely open here My wife and I have been married for 38 years this July. Our sex life has always been limited due to her being abused by her father and grandfather and an uncle. The frequency of making love has decreased to nearly non existent. I've had ED trouble due to low testosterone. And I have bad knees, so getting on my knees even on the bed is torture. I've always given her oral do she can climax and the enter her so I can climax. (She doesn't give oral) lately, she says it hurts her when we do the intercourse. And instead of moans of pleasure, I see grimaces of pain. She isn't dry. And we use a lubricant as well. I would rather not do it if it hurts her. 
I guess my question here is. Why does it hurt her? She won't talk to a doctor about it. I don't know what to do.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Congratulations on being married 38 years. Seriously, that's a great accomplishment.

Somehow you gotta convince her to see a doc., because if the issue is a physical one (and it probably is),
There's no way a bunch of internet yocals are going to help you with that. She needs an exam for her own sake besides even sex.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If you've been married 38 years, chances are good that your wife is in her late 50s or older. Which means she's probably post-menopausal. One of the not-so-fun things about menopause is finding out all the things that your hormones control and regulate that you never realized were related to your hormones. 

Sure, she might be experiencing less natural lubrication. But, she might also be experiencing vaginal atrophy. That's the shortening, tightening, thinning, and inflammation of the tissues of the vagina. With vaginal atrophy, sex can cause trauma, even tearing, that can be _very_ painful. And just more lubrication isn't usually enough to make things comfortable again. 

Yes, your wife should see her doctor. There are hormonal treatments that may be right for her that could ease these symptoms. But, you also need to understand that your wife's body is different than it was before menopause. It might be time to transition your sex life away from being intercourse-focused. You can still have a gratifying and very fulfilling, mutually pleasurable, sex life even if PIV isn't on the menu all, or even most, of the time.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Rowan said:


> You can still have a gratifying and very fulfilling, mutually pleasurable, sex life even if PIV isn't on the menu all, or even most, of the time.


Maybe more so for women than men.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Mike, she should see her OBGYN. My wife was having pain and the doctor suggested lube. AstroGlide is a wonderful invention.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Coconut oil is great also -- all natural!

I agree -- she needs to see the Dr. God forbid something ELSE is going on that she just notices during sex.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

djflybum said:


> Hello. My name is Mike. My wife is Liz. I'm going to be completely open here My wife and I have been married for 38 years this July. Our sex life has always been limited due to her being abused by her father and grandfather and an uncle. The frequency of making love has decreased to nearly non existent. I've had ED trouble due to low testosterone. And I have bad knees, so getting on my knees even on the bed is torture. I've always given her oral do she can climax and the enter her so I can climax. (She doesn't give oral) lately, she says it hurts her when we do the intercourse. And instead of moans of pleasure, I see grimaces of pain. She isn't dry. And we use a lubricant as well. I would rather not do it if it hurts her.
> I guess my question here is. Why does it hurt her? She won't talk to a doctor about it. I don't know what to do.


38 years is awesome, congrats. My wife and I are in the 30+ club too. Also, really sorry to hear your wife has abuse in her past. That is something no one deserve to carry around.

We aren't going to be able to tell you why it hurts her. You really need to convince her that she needs to see a doctor. My wife had developed issues with occasional pain during intercourse. At first we found ways to avoid what was painful. The last thing I wanted to do was cause her pain and she couldn't relax and enjoy herself with the constant fear that a sharp pain was about to happen. She planned on discussing it at a routine exam with her OBGYN, but decided it needed to be address sooner than later. There were some other issues and it took a little time to get sorted out, but the main cause ended up being benign fibroids in her uterus. It was relatively easy to address and boy did the flood gates open up after that. The frequency and quality of sex went up quite a bit thanks to both of us no longer worrying about her being in pain.

I can see that there is a possibility that your wife's issue could be psychological given that she has abuse in her past. The psychological issue could manifest as physical pain, or maybe she just says it hurts because she doesn't want to have intercourse. Even if this is the case, seeing a doctor to rule out a physical condition is extremely important.

In the mean time I think you should also look for ways to cultivate other forms of intimacy. There will likely come a time when PIV sex isn't an option anymore do to physical limitations. I love sex, but I also love all the other forms of intimacy with my wife. Some are still sexual in nature, while other physical and emotional closeness. Some of our most intimate moments are talking while sitting around the fire pit on our deck. We talk about things that only we can talk about. Often it leads to the bedroom, but it doesn't always and doesn't have to.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

my wife and I are together over 30 years as well not long before I met her she was raped and she could not talk to her family even though they went to pick her up on the road that night after she had been dumped off by the rapist , they know well what had happened and pushed it under the carpet , even though am wife was not a virgin before that night all the time we dated and that was 5 years we did not have sex once, we were married a week before we had sex for the first time and we got to a point when she would push me off her like a wild animal was killing her over the your it has got better but my wife feels pain still in any positions that are leg open has to do with never fully getting over the rape and other abuse that went on with a old man that used to be around when she was a child , 
try talk to a good doctor


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I am just going to reiterate that your wife needs to see a Dr. There are a ton of reasons why is now hurts when it didn’t hurt before, some benign and some not so benign. Keep trying to encourage her to go, and reinforce the idea that it’s not about the sex, but about her health.


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