# I love my wife



## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

This may be the wrong section but just need to write it and hopefully get some insight. 

Im a 42 year old man married for 17 years, over 13 years ago, my wife and I grew apart. She is 7 years older with two children. We had none together but I raised hers. We had a very hard time and became detached. I then cheated on her with a woman that I worked side by side with. I allowed this to happen and I take full ownership. Then when my wife found out she told me that she still loved me and I still loved her. We actually moved to a different state and I started working on our marriage. Been some hard moments but we have made it. 

Until now. I do a bit of traveling with my job, and I always call, and I always let her know what Im doing. Not because she ask, she actually gets irritated with it. But I have not cheated on her since the one and only time. Ive had my typical wild moments with the guys but never crossed a line of any kind. Even when the idiots I was with did. So, She goes out of town last week and I fly home while she is gone not seeing her since 5 days before. I went out for supper at a place I hang out with her, friends, and ate and had a few beers. They close at around 9 or 10 and I wasnt ready to go home and sit in an empty house. So I went to a sports bar to watch TV and people watch. It was packed so I went to the end of the bar and ordered a beer. A mother daughter (mother 60ish daughter 40 ish). That started talking to me, and I started talking to them. I have a very outgoing personality and it is a curse that I want to fix but that is another story. So as we are talking I make some comment about, its none of my business but are yall sisters or mom and daughter...just curious. Unbenounced to me, I had hit my cell phone and left my wife a message. So a small time later the younger of the two asked if I was married. I told her yes and then knew it was time for me to go. I left, in the truck, I noticed my wife had called and it was now around midnight. I had been there for maybe an hour. I called her, she was screaming and very mad. As she should have been. For being out late, for the message left on her phone and then me lieing to her because she asked where I was yelling your at a bar because she heard music (me thinking dance hall looking for women bar) I told her the restuarant were we both hang out and I had been earlier in the evening. I paniced. When she got home the next morning, I told her that I was at a sports bar. She was livid. Told me she couldnt trust me, but she loved me deeply and she would not let me do that to her again. Lots more detail of course.

But here is the deal. I love this woman with every single bone in my body and I know I will never cheat on her again, I cant stand her being sick, being hurt, being ruined. I cant stand the thought of not ever seeing her again. I cant stand the thought . She is still here and tells me that she wants to work together to get everything sold and not put us in a finacial bind, she has asked me if I would help. I am. Everything is calm, she hugged me last night knowing that it is killing me, she asked me to lunch today but she is still in the process of ending it. I know she loves me and she is the greatest woman I have ever known, but I cant do anything but help her get me out. 

Ironically, when we do seperate, I have no one, no family to lean on, no really close friends and none of that matters knowing that I have hurt her so deeply years ago and knowing she will be hurt long after Im gone. I want to fix this so bad. Im physically sick, havent ate accept when she brought me lunch today. 

I would not care if she had me followed 24 hours a day for the rest of my life. At least that way, I would know that she is finally comfortable and can be at ease and not hurt. Im not cheating.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stop lying.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Yeah, thats pretty much a given....thanks for your help


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Stop lying.


I agree and also learn how to be alone. I cannot relate to someone who says they went to a sports bar because they did not want to be alone or sit in an empty house. That is just stupid. You went there to talk to other people. You have a problem with being alone. You think you have to be out with other people. So you went to the place you knew your wife would be uncomfortable with you going there alone. And then lied about it.

A couple of words for you - GROW UP. Take responsibility for your actions. If you think what you are about to do will upset your wife or would make you hesitate to tell her, then DON'T DO IT. Simple.

Now you get to experience the consequences of your actions. Admit to what you have done and accept that your two stupid actions (going there then lying about it) may have destroyed your marriage for good. Was it worth it?

Tell your wife about this fear of being alone. Suggest counseling. Maybe it could change her mind, maybe not.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

TDSC60 said:


> I agree and also learn how to be alone. I cannot relate to someone who says they went to a sports bar because they did not want to be alone or sit in an empty house. That is just stupid. You went there to talk to other people. You have a problem with being alone. You think you have to be out with other people. So you went to the place you knew your wife would be uncomfortable with you going there alone. And then lied about it.
> 
> A couple of words for you - GROW UP. Take responsibility for your actions. If you think what you are about to do will upset your wife or would make you hesitate to tell her, then DON'T DO IT. Simple.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Accept the fact that you broke her trust a second time, and that anyone and everyone she knows is probably telling her that the second time ends it. She gave you a chance already, and you blew it.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Your wrong on the alone and it came out wrong. When I travel Im alone a lot. Other than that, all of you are absolutely right. And I do take ownership. And I have broken her trust again, and dont blame her one bit. Yall gave me the insight I already knew. Signing off, thanks.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am not sure what you are looking for. Are you looking for a way to fix it? You have had an affair before, so I am positive that you are aware that actions are louder than words, yes? 

So you telling her how much you love with without you showing her the love and respect needed to solidify that does nothing.

Can you tell us why you felt the need to lie to your wife about where you were? You should know better than to say it was to "keep her from being upset". It was about avoiding the consequences, right?


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I feel that your wife was just waiting for some kind of confirmation that she couldn't trust you and needed to move on in her life, and you gave it to her.
Why did you lie? What was the point?
You say you have no one after you split, so why did you even risk it in the first place?
The actions you took do not reflect what you are saying unless, as DawnD pointed out, you are merely trying to avoid consequence.
Maybe you should feel about the consequences she is suffering - after being destroyed by you she made a decision to trust you again and is now paying for that choice.
Put yourself in her shoes without thinking about your situation and realise that these events you created were out of her control, but they directly involved and affected her.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Numb-badger said:


> I feel that your wife was just waiting for some kind of confirmation that she couldn't trust you and needed to move on in her life, and you gave it to her.
> Why did you lie? What was the point?
> You say you have no one after you split, so why did you even risk it in the first place?
> The actions you took do not reflect what you are saying unless, as DawnD pointed out, you are merely trying to avoid consequence.
> ...


I lied because of the tone in her voice, because of her comments on the phone that night of she was leaving if I was cheating and all of this while crying, yelling and hurt. Because of what a couple of you have mentioned. I was scared of the consequences and I tried to soft sell it. All ready uncomfortable and knowing I didnt need to be in that atmosphere when the one asked if I was married. Plain and simple. I take full ownership in this and what happened and did when I told her. I could not stand lieing to her and it ate me alive, which is why I told her the truth the next day when she came home. I am facing the consequences for that now and knew it when I told her. No excuse, I know.

I will never feel the consequences she is suffering but would glady take it all if I knew she could be happy moving on. I want her but know that decision is out of my hands so I will do everything that I can to help her transition into her new life the best way I can and however she chooses me to do this. She just turned 50 and has not saved much in her 401k, she has health issues that will only get worse as she gets older and I want nothing more than to be by her side during this part, and care for her. Thats probably not going to happen and she caused none of this. 

I appreciate the comments and it has been very helpful. I have been focusing on I didnt cheat and getting that point across, I should have been more worried about telling her the truth in the first place as that is were the distrust started years ago. How ironic. I never hide money, I always am straight and forward with her, I have been a good husband to her and I think that is why she still loves me, but I lapsed in judgement over fears of loosing her by lieing and looks as if that happened anyway. Lesson learned....


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

You seem remorseful. But, I don't think you really understand.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> You seem remorseful. But, I don't think you really understand.


Maybe not. I just know that I have tried to put myself in her position and really cant. Because she has given me no reason too. And very remorseful, mad at myself, hating my personality and trying to figure me out. Rather she decides to continue or not, I will continue to try and figure me out because I owe that to her even though she will probably never know the turn out.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

grown man on his knees said:


> Maybe not. I just know that I have tried to put myself in her position and really cant. Because she has given me no reason too. And very remorseful, mad at myself, hating my personality and trying to figure me out. Rather she decides to continue or not, I will continue to try and figure me out because I owe that to her even though she will probably never know the turn out.


Sigh........

You have it all wrong. You just don't get it.

I'm not trying to be cryptic. But, go back and read your posts, read them again and again see if a light comes on. The answer is in there.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Sigh........
> 
> You have it all wrong. You just don't get it.


LOL, thats pretty apparent or I wouldnt be in this situation to start with. But its not from a stance of not wanting to get it, I guess I just dont, if I did, wouldnt be a need to be here talking it out.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

grown man on his knees said:


> LOL, thats pretty apparent or I wouldnt be in this situation to start with. But its not from a stance of not wanting to get it, I guess I just dont, if I did, wouldnt be a need to be here talking it out.


No one can know that much about anyone else in a few sentences. That being said... 

For what its' worth..

I'd be willing to bet all of your problems come from the same place... 

Your self centered, fundamentally selfish. Some would use the term narcisstic. 

I'm not insulting you or taking a cheap shot. The problem really is that you can't put yourself in her place. Incapable of deeply empathizing. 

I bet you love your wife very much, I sense your pain. I also bet you didn't want to hurt her, you didn't mean to.. as a matter of fact... I bet you didn't even think about that. 

Many of the people here can tell you how she feels and as you've seen they wil lash out at you because they understand her pain. But, _you can't._ If you did, this would have never happened. As a matter of fact, _everything_ would be much different. I'm not saying your some horribly flawed person, a "bad guy" or whatever.... I think you just can't see it...

When doing something that would hurt her, truelly hurts you... you will begin to understand and I promise you, you won't do it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Children lie to get out of trouble from mom's tone of voice.

Grown men don't lie, even if their wife sounds irritated.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> No one can know that much about anyone else in a few sentences. That being said...
> 
> For what its' worth..
> 
> ...


Thanks for your input. Your right, hard to know everything from one thread but you bring up some very good points I need discover. Thanks for being open minded and not being one that wants to belittle and lash out just because of your bad experience (assuming of course you had one). Think its time to seek professional help.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

grown man on his knees said:


> I lied because of the tone in her voice, because of her comments on the phone that night of she was leaving if I was cheating and all of this while crying, yelling and hurt. Because of what a couple of you have mentioned. I was scared of the consequences and I tried to soft sell it. All ready uncomfortable and knowing I didnt need to be in that atmosphere when the one asked if I was married. Plain and simple. I take full ownership in this and what happened and did when I told her. I could not stand lieing to her and it ate me alive, which is why I told her the truth the next day when she came home. I am facing the consequences for that now and knew it when I told her. No excuse, I know.
> 
> I will never feel the consequences she is suffering but would glady take it all if I knew she could be happy moving on. I want her but know that decision is out of my hands so I will do everything that I can to help her transition into her new life the best way I can and however she chooses me to do this. She just turned 50 and has not saved much in her 401k, she has health issues that will only get worse as she gets older and I want nothing more than to be by her side during this part, and care for her. Thats probably not going to happen and she caused none of this.
> 
> I appreciate the comments and it has been very helpful. I have been focusing on I didnt cheat and getting that point across, I should have been more worried about telling her the truth in the first place as that is were the distrust started years ago. How ironic. I never hide money, I always am straight and forward with her, I have been a good husband to her and I think that is why she still loves me, but I lapsed in judgement over fears of loosing her by lieing and looks as if that happened anyway. Lesson learned....



You didn't lie because of her voice or her tone, you lied because you knew you were out somewhere you shouldn't be. It is as simple as that. You tried to make it seem innocent to her and she didn't buy it.

She is probably wondering what lies you have told her that she didn't question right now. The biggest thing when you are a LS, is watching your spouse lie to you, knowing that they are hurting you and not caring. 

Can you not work in a job where you don't travel, or can she not go with you?? I don't even know that doing that would help at this point, she might be too far gone.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

grown man on his knees said:


> Thanks for your input. Your right, hard to know everything from one thread but you bring up some very good points I need discover. Thanks for being open minded and not being one that wants to belittle and lash out just because of your bad experience (assuming of course you had one). Think its time to seek professional help.


Let me ask you a couple questions if you don't mind. 

what I said about not being empathetic, and being _selfish_... does that ring true for you? I said that not only because your actions and the words you used in your posts seemed to clearly paint that picture, but you also mentioned trying to put yourself in her shoes and couldn't... 

Without "judging" yourself in terms of "good and bad" try to remove your own feelings from this situation. Pretend this whole story isn't yours. Your the therapist, what do you see...? can you objectively analyze you?. how about the women in this story?.

Being honest with yourself is important if you want to make lasting changes. Hopefully it's not entirely "damage control mode" thats motivating you... As human beings, crisis is the strongest motivation we have, It compells people like nothing else, problem is its very temporary. The type of change your wife needs to witness will take time and will not be easy for you. Losing focus is very easy after the "fire" gets put out.


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## ParachuteOn (Apr 20, 2012)

Here is all you have to do. Ask yourself how you would feel if she had done to you the same. My H sounds a lot like you.....the way he phrases things, sets up discussions, edits his responses based on my "tone", trying to be honest, but the prime motivator is always to lie to avoid hurting me, or getting "in trouble".

This is what is killing our marriage. Don't let that happen to you. If you truly love her, you will see that she has a right to make decisions about her life based on reality. You are censoring and editing her reality each time you lie to her, even a little bit. At some point she will tire of trying to put the puzzle together.

Please don't wait til that happens. Good Luck.


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## grown man on his knees (Apr 26, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Let me ask you a couple questions if you don't mind.
> 
> what I said about not being empathetic, and being _selfish_... does that ring true for you? I said that not only because your actions and the words you used in your posts seemed to clearly paint that picture, but you also mentioned trying to put yourself in her shoes and couldn't...
> 
> ...


I honestly see selfish. What I meant is, I can say what I think I would be like if I were in her shoes. But I have never had that done to me but I can say that I would be hurt, betrayed, confused, and loving her as much as I do, would find myself wondering what I did wrong to make her want to feel the need. None of it is damage control. I have left her alone because she asked me to. I want her to be happy on the inside and out and I have ruined that so I willl support her anyway possible. Though I do want her and do love her deeply and would love to make this work. Rather she decides thats with me or not. 

This is not grasping for straws, and I am not perfect and really am trying to figure it all out. For those that are trying to help, thank you, for those feeling the need to bash hopefully one day I will have it all figured out like you....


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

grown man on his knees said:


> For those that are trying to help, thank you, for those feeling the need to bash hopefully one day I will have it all figured out like you....


I haven't seen any bashing on this thread :scratchhead:


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Did somebody call for a contrarian take on things?

No? Well, here's one anyway.

Grown man on his knees, the first thang you need to do is get up off your damn knees. It's a pathetic posture and it does not serve you well.

Okay. You screwed up, indulged a bad impulse and then lied about it. Then you 'fessed up and are now being raked over the coals for this horrible unforgivable sin (because you are the first person EVER to lie to their spouse about a late night).

You also passed on a chance to be unfaithful (note: I am assuming that you are giving a truthful account of events to all us strangers on the internet). Just as a general observation, passing on a chance to be unfaithful is a GOOD THING. It doesn't offset "putting yourself in that position in the first place," but it beats the hell out of "so I went ahead and had a one night stand."

You also owned up to the truth with your wife.

Who is older than you.

And has no kids with you, although you did a very decent thing by raising her children as your own.

Now, we can all play junior psychologist and try to decide for ourselves whether you are narcissistic, selfish, dumb, or whatever 
combination sounds good.

As a narcissist, frankly, you suck. Raising other men's kids? Being mostly faithful for years, and moving away from the scene of your one-time infidelity to try to repair your marriage? Sorry, I'm just not feeling it.

The most I can saddle you with is occasionally dumb and selfish. Which lumps you in with, like, 67% or so of guys.

Look. You cheated on your wife one time, years ago. Based on the fact that it happened years ago, and you two stayed married, I have to think that you put forth whatever effort was needed to mend the relationship. If you hadn't done that she would have, you know, DIVORCED YOU.

So now you've gone and done something stupid (sports bar) and compounded it by doing something stupid (lying about it).

With all due respect to your wife, who I'm sure is a really nice lady, I just can't see where this rises to the level of "divorce his a$$."

It really sounds to me like there is something going on with your wife that you're not aware of (no, I'm not suggesting she's having an affair or something, but rather that she's in a different place about the marriage than you are, and you don't know where she's at).

You might consider trying to find that out, either by talking to her or by getting some counseling together.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

I can totally see and relate to your wife's POV, so I understand why she is choosing to D after this incident. I'll try to explain why I understand and perhaps it will help you gain some insight.

I'm the BS and have been in R with my WS for the past year (H had an EA/PA). Recently my H and I went to lunch and the topic somehow shifted to discussing white lies. 

Essentially the conversation boiled down to this, if he lies to me at any time in the future, it could be a dealbreaker. We are now building a marriage based on brutal honesty. There is no room for lies anymore, any kind of lie, big or small. His expertise in lying is what helped him carry on a 7 month affair. To have him lie to me again, would show he did not take my need for honesty seriously.

Also, if I find out my H crossed any boundaries I've explicitly drawn (like going to lunch alone with any female and not telling me prior) could be grounds for divorce in my book. The reason being, to disregard the boundaries I've set, would be to disrespect me all over again.

The conversation kind of freaked my H out, because he worries he might forget or not know where I draw the line on things. I got kinda pi$$ed, because how hard is it to remember something I've stated multiple times? 

Then the real issue finally dawned on me. If my H doesn't see a boundary line I've drawn as "a serious issue" then he may have difficulty remembering it, because he can't understand why it's important to me. It's the selfish mentality of "if it's not important to me, it must not be important". This is a HUGE issue he needs to work on, because I've seen this behavior in the past in other situations. It's something that needs to change for us to have a successful R.

I think that lunch discussion was helpful in letting my H know once again just how serious I am about boundaries and lies moving forward. I told him if he's ever in doubt over a situation to just ask himself, "Is this worth getting a divorce over?"

Everyone has different boundaries. Some people might like to kiss on the lips as a hello. If I liked to do this, but my H stated it was crossing a boundary, I wouldn't do it anymore. Even though I might see it as harmless and no big deal, doesn't mean my H would see it the same way. Good thing neither one of us like to kiss other people on the lips in greeting. 

GrownManOnHisKnees, hanging at a sports bar late at night alone talking to women crossed a boundary your wife most likely set at some point in time. If you knew she'd be uncomfortable with it, but did it anyway since you had no intention to cheat, you still knowingly crossed her comfort zone. _You_ might have believed you weren't going to cheat, but your wife can't read your mind. Plus, in Infidelity 101, never say never. You should not be putting yourself in situations where you might even be tempted to cheat again. 

Hopefully this makes sense and sheds some light on the workings of a BS's mind. There is no longer blind trust and never will be again. Lying and/or crossing boundaries is a trigger that can make a BS live d-day all over again. At some point, a BS will say "no more."


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

As I said in an earlier post, she was probably waiting for a confirmation that he can't be trusted - regardless of a white lie, or being like 67% of other guys.
This is not bashing because I was betrayed, or trying to be an amature psychologist - it is simply that everyone has a limit and it seems as if she has reached hers. I wonder how many times during their R she mentioned no more lies - ever.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Random thoughts, for what they are worth....

First, no one is trying to be a amatuer psychologist. I'd like to help if I can. I'm simply trying to understand the way you tick, and help you to understand what's happening ojectively so that you can make the changes you desire. I've had some of the same tendencies, I don't think people and their behaviors are really that complicated. Actually, it's incredibly simple when you cut through the sh*t... lol. Anyway... 

I used the term narcissitic, unfortunately terms all come with baggage. Anyone says "narcissist" you instantly have a picture that pops in your head. We can't help it, we all do it, its how we learn to understand things. The term actually has a wide range of meanings. I just categorize things so that I can find answers easier...

Forget the word... Here are some symptoms...

* An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
* Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
* A lack of psychological awareness 
* Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults
* Difficulty with empathy
* Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
* Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt

Ok, if these things ring big bells you know the term I used. Dig deep enough and you will find boat loads of information on google... Hopefully some of what you find turns on some lights and helps you, or gives you a path to start walking down to try to fix your relationship...

What I hope... I think you sound like a good person that is hurting and I think you genuinely want help. I'm confident if you can get that "light on" and really understand and feel what your wife feels... Everything will change...When you can look at her with tears in your eyes... and say "OMFG!!! I had no idea!!" then... things will change, permanently. But hey, maybe i'm dilluted. lol. 

I know this is all wordy and im trying not to overkill but I'd kinda like to see you learn how to fish, rather than having to ask for fish.... Your wife deserves that. 

What I can suggest, is first and foremost... Learn how to empathize, _understand_ and connect to what your wife feels... google... "how to empathize" "Learning to empathize" "empathizing excercises"....

I can tell you from her perspective what she feels. If you could feel it, it would likely horrify you... It's so much worse than anything your imagining, and it has probably haunted her everyday for years and years. She has learned to live with it, but it's a nagging persistant feeling of doom and distrust that she has never fully had peace from... 

I'd bet all these years it has been eating at her, and she has been waiting, protective of herself... Probably a nagging little itch, a paranoia waiting for you to prove her "little voice" right... that she shouldn't be vulnerable and shouldnt trust you... You have no idea how many millions and millions of times your betrayal has replayed in her head over the years and how hard that has been for her to push back...

When you did what you did, you have no idea what happpened inside of her. It was a monumental build up and Id bet she thought she'd lost her mind. Her world caved in on her in that moment. Something cracked. 

Again, I dont know her or you or all the history.. But, I'd guess when she calms down your going to get another chance... Don't take it for granted. She deserves better than the "you" that you are today. If you can't commit to the work it will take to give her that, let her go...

Best wishes,
Pit

PS. If I were you, I would give her some space. I'd also be killing myself trying to learn to _understand_ her pain and fear. I would suggest having a polygraph done on your own. So that If she gives you another chance, You could hand her the results to help ease her fear and pain about what happened that night.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

And that pretty much says it


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Well, er, I can't take issue with Pit's longer version that lays out his thinking in more detail 

And actually, I think we are both leaning towards the same conclusion- your wife's view of the marriage is not close to yours.

Given an episode of infidelity years past, there seems to be a wound there that your wife hasn't recovered from. And I further agree with Pit's assertion that if you could walk in her shoes, it would be a terrible feeling for you.

The reason that I can't hop on the "get what you deserve" wagon is that while you are getting drummed for the mistakes you made, you don't seem to be getting any credit for years of good behavior.

Yes, you cheated on her. Once. Years ago. And now, recently, you stayed out late at a Sports Bar, flirted, and lied about your whereabouts initially.

In the meantime, as a result of your first infidelity, you quit your job, moved to a new city, supported your wife financially and emotionally, and acted as a father to her children. By your own words, when you were apart from her, you checked in continuously to the point that you annoyed her. 

In other words, you did pretty much everything that the TAM regulars would suggest that you do if you had posted years ago "I just cheated on my wife but want to save my marriage, what should I do?"

And I hate to continue to discuss your original sin in the marriage, BUT..... Your wife chose years ago to stay with you, because she decided that even after you cheated, her life would be better married to you (with the chance that you would cheat again) than it would be for her to go her own way. When a betrayed spouse makes that choice, I think its understood that they shouldn't FORGET the infidelity, but that in the interests of having a healthy marriage, they should try to FORGIVE the infidelity. Especially if the unfaithful spouse does all the heavy lifting (quits job, moves family to new city, provides stability, and all the other things you have done).

Moving back to the recent past, you screwed up, as you acknowledge. Your wife has every right to be pissed at you.

I just can't see where it merits threats of divorce and ultimatums. You are guilty of being dumb, not maliciously evil.

So in reference to Numb Badger's suggestion that she was waiting for confirmation that you can't be trusted, deal me in!

What if she's just been using you as a meal ticket for all these years, letting you pay her bills, raise her kids, and generally be a decent man, and now that she can manage on her own, she has been waiting for any excuse, no matter how flimsy, to kick you to the curb?

What if she's been harboring a secret grudge in her heart all these years, and rather than addressing it in a healthy manner, such as talking to you or attending therapy, she's just been waiting for an opportunity to stab you in the back?

What if she bought out of the marriage years ago, and decided not to tell you, because even though you betrayed her, she still had a use for you?

And while we're on the subject of your delicate suffering wife, if she was so insecure about the thought of you having a late night, why wasn't she home to greet you? It's almost as if she were waiting for confirmation that you couldn't be trusted. Numb Badger is definitely on to something, here.

If you're starting to wonder why, exactly, you're on your knees, you might be starting to make some progress in understanding this situation.


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