# Happy Anniversary to me :(



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Well today is our 18th wedding anniversary. I just want to fast forward to tomorrow. 

I saw him this weekend at our son's baseball games. I drove separate like I said I would. He wanted to come to dinner with us, but our 16 year old daughter said to him that we can't pretend like everything is normal. I'm so glad she said that on her own. I had nothing to do with it (he thinks I did because I said the exact same thing to him the other day).

He gave me a Mothers Day card and he writes...p.s. I'm sorry. It was awkward and sad without him there on mothers day. But there were a few other mothers in the restaurant with just their kids and no spouse.

I start IC tomorrow, and if I like her I will make an appointment for marriage counseling. I hate being in this limbo. I finally said to him the other day that he either wants to try and work on things or not...pick one. He said he wants to try. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. 

I wonder if he'll even react to our anniversary. What could he possibly say?


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

I had a similar situation last summer during our anniversary. I brought flowers to at least acknowledge we've been married 20 years. I didn't buy anything red for romance, but something as plutonic as possible. I didn't give them to her, just left them in a vase on the counter. She could have just ignored them, but she asked "What are those for?" I said to myself... Really, are you freaking kidding me? I wished she would have just ignored them. I can tell you I will do absolutely NOTHING this year. 

I didn't give her a mothers day gift yesterday. I helped my kids get something for her, but I kept my finger prints off of it. It hurts to much to give of yourself and then have it completely ignored. I did it for the kids. 

Try not to think about what he's thinking. It really doesn't matter at this point. If he is honest about trying, you will see him DOING. Talk and thoughts are just that. Pay attention to his actions. Keep your chin up.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I know its hard Jenny but do try and look at the positives. My husband didn't acknowledge ours at all. He spent the whole day golfing. 

What has your husband done to actually show you he wants to work on it? He needs to show you. 

You starting with IC is a positive step. I hope your therapist is helpful. 

Thinking of you today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Andy968 said:


> Try not to think about what he's thinking. It really doesn't matter at this point. *If he is honest about trying, you will see him DOING. *Talk and thoughts are just that. Pay attention to his actions. Keep your chin up.


:iagree:

I'm glad he is open to MC and that you will be seeing an IC. I wish you well. 

In my case, around March 2nd I asked my ex where we stood. She said "don't know - still undecided". I never asked again. Her actions - or rather, her inactions - spoke *for* her. So did her message about applying for a transfer anywhere in half of the country. Hey... at least I can now type somethnig like that with a smile on my face.

About 10% of communication is verbal, so pay close attention to his actions. They will tell you what his words cannot (and that's for both the good and bad).


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