# Was I wrong?



## choccoholic (Mar 16, 2010)

Been married for nearly 17 years but the last 10 have seen it deteriorate. I am the unhappy one and have tried to talk to my husband but he cuts the conversation short and tells me I'm being daft. Ended up seeking professional help and one of the suggestions made was we go back to the days when we were courting, had that great "butterflies in the stomach" feeling.

My problem is I never had that. I was fond of him yes but hand on heart was never besotted. So many friends, people I know felt this way about their respective partners and I feel like I'm abnormal because I didn't. 

Was I wrong in marrying him?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think if you have made it 17 years then you must have done something right. 

and i think what the counselor was wrongfully assuming is that all couples are brought together by the "butterflies" feeling; which if you ask me is overrated. turns out is just one persons emotional psychosis projecting onto another. anyway, i think what your counselor was trying to say is, stir up the feeling that brought you to him in the first place. what made you want to be with him, what made you want to marry him? you could have chosen a lot of different men, why him? 

I think that is what the counselor was trying to bring out in you. it doesnt necessarily have to be the pseudo-love of the first months romance.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i agree you made it 17 yrs so there has to be something there, remember love is many things and different things to different people you don't have to fit the mold and no one can tell or want you to be like them.
i think the professional help meaning was look back to see what attracted you to each other.. or you to him, but with time and life that to can change.
depending on your age and the rate at with what you are not happy you do have the right to re look at your life and see if you are going the way you want to go.
if not it is ok to change, people change, just don't make a today choice that can not be un done if you feel you made the wrong choice but seems like you have thought about this for a bit.


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