# Is this as bad as it gets?



## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Hello ... i am new here, i posted in another thread but my story threatened to take it over so i am posting my own. This is a long story, i hope some of you have the time and patience to read it. I think i have hit the low point of my life, i sometimes think i just want to go to sleep and never wake up and re-enter this nightmare that my sham of a marriage has become. Where should i start?
STBXH and i together 10 years, married 8.
2 kids 6yo and 8yo, and a daughter who he brought into the marriage who is now 24 (was 13/14 when i came onto the scene)
We had been having problems for a couple of years before we separated in July of this year. The crunch point being that i finally got concrete proof of his last affair (one of so many, i now discover) and couldn't deal with anymore of his lies. We have property in joint names where we were living, his business is in the same building and so when it came for the decision who would move i did, with the reasoning that he would be more or less in my house everyday if i stayed and he went, which wouldn't give us the space we needed. Looking back on it with all i know now... stupid idea, but i'll get onto that later... 
So we are splitting the kids 50/50 because we are both self employed and work fulltime, i work nights, him days... they are at my place from Sunday 'til Wednesday and the weekend (when i work) they are with him. 
About 8 weeks ago was our wedding anniversary, i texted him on that day, i was feeling really sad and i just wrote happy anniversary, what a shame, we almost made it . His response was that he saw this as a timeout and not a permanent thing, we still had a chance if we gave each other space. Hmmmm. 
So anyway, about 3 weeks ago i heard the rumour around town that he had a new girl, i thought oh god no... not again... I honestly thought he was going to tell me about it but ofcourse he didn't and i more or less just walked in on her having a get together a couple of days later with her friends in my old house while he wasn't even there. Whoaaaaaa i thought, she's obviously very at home here. The next day my daughter (the younger one) told me that when she goes to sleep in the big bed with daddy that there's almost not enough room anymore because the OW and her daughter are also in the big bed. WTF!? At the same time i am heard from our mutual friends that he is told them he is in love and he has never been so happy and blah blah blah. I totally dropped my basket. >After pulling myself together, and putting my feelings aside (afterall, he has a right to a new relationship even if i don't like it) i told him though that it wasn't acceptable the children to have that living situation happening so soon. He agreed that she would only stay over when the kids weren't there. Fair i think..(?) Anyway, since then he has not held his word at all, she has been camped out there, with her daughter, everyday and night since. My kids are still asking me when i am going to come home again. Why we can't be a family anymore? Why is she there all the time? Why do we have to share our things with her daughter? and telling me that they don't like it. To him they say none of this. When i have tried to reason with him he just says it is none of my business and that they were fine with it, i am just allowing them to get carried away and the situation to escalate.
I was there the other day to drop off the kids and her daughter came running with something to give him yelling 'daddy!' 
I was like 'oh f*** did i just hear right?!' and his response was 'i can't help it if she calls me that!' !!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry but i think there's some strange sh** going down in that house. The next day when i saw my daughter again she asked me why the girl calls her daddy 'daddy' when he's not her daddy? I just didn't know what to say... so i kinda just changed the subject with tears in my eyes.
I am so damn stuck. He is being so unreasonable, so blinded and just so wrong about this. I am so worried for our kids, but he is trying to make me out to be the crazy and irrational one, and i am somehow buying it. WHAT THE HELL? I honestly think i am going to go out of my mind. If i financially could i would quit my business, and just get my kids the hell out of there, but then they don't have a dad at all and i wonder if that's worse or not? I am so confused by it all. I have a constant pain in my chest and headaches that last for days. I am swinging between i hate him and i would do anything to turn back the clock to how it was five years ago. 
When will this end?
I'm sorry if i am ranting. I'll stop now. I guess this is a cry for help. Will it get easier? Will i ever feel like i am living again?


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

My advice is to first separate the things you can control from the things you cannot.

-- you cannot keep your H from having his new GF move in with him; you cannot keep new GF's daughter from calling your ex daddy. 
-- you *can* get your kids into family therapy and give them a safe place to voice their confusion and anger about the dramatic changes in the family structure. 
-- Similarly, you can make sure that you are in counseling or in a support group so that you have an outlet in which to express your anger about the bad hand you've been dealt.
-- you can_ try _to get a mediator or lawyer to formalize your child custody arrangements, and you *might* be able to get your H to sign something that says that he will not have overnight guests in the house when your children are there. This would only work if you still have legal ownership of the house, I think. Then if he breaks this stipulation you can move onto to renegotiating the child custody arrangement, so that you are no longer doing a 50-50% split. This would be expensive, and even given your children's ages, you may not be able to sway a judge that the fact that GF has moved in with your H makes the environment unstable enough that your kids well fare is at risk.

Your ex sounds like a real piece of work and his new GF seems clueless at best. 

Suppose you were to try to cut back on your children's contact with their dad. What would be the consequences on their development? Is he an involved father? Do they have a close relationship with him? Is there enough positive in their interactions with him that you can try to help them see that even though your ex was not cut out for marriage, that he has other positive qualities?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

He broke the agreement , so you HAVE to do it too !

Get your kids and don't let them go there !

File yesterday , ask for FULL custody and huge alimony ! 

180 and completely DARK ! NC is a must and NO BullCrap ! 

Good luck and stay strong !


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Twofer - do you know what the 180 is? If not, we can post it for you. Also, that custody thing sounds CRAZY. What does your lawyer say?


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

BigMac said:


> He broke the agreement , so you HAVE to do it too !
> 
> Get your kids and don't let them go there !
> 
> ...


BM - Do we ever get tired of writing the same thing over and over, LOL!

Twofor - I am deeply sorry for all the pain that you are going through. Glad to see you are here, it really helps to talk to others going througth the same thing here.

Now, you must follow the advise here to keep your sanity. I know it sounds like a broken record, but the advise here really works, see Conrads story.

Follow BM's advice and do NOT backslide! This is soo important for so many reasons, and start NOW.

Your STBXH is out of control and he will eventually crash. But you have to give him time w/o YOU! He does not feel any guilt or remorse b/c you are his plan B. ok

Read Read Read, and vent here, look for advise here, IC, books, and the internet. Become educated about this. It will ground you!

Good luck!


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Oh my gosh thankyou for writing. Just these few messages have made me feel better. The loneliness and feeling i was going out of my mind for 'feeling too much' has subsided somewhat... for today anyway! 

Couleur... Yes i know that i can't stop the little girl from saying that to him, it kind of just made it clear to me that there's some seriously disfunctional coming from the gf's side too. Not my problem. Even if it makes me want to puke.
Yes, i am getting therapy, have a super psychiatrist who i also talk to about the kids (ALOT!) I have decided that the only thing i can do is be the best kind of mother i can. If my ex wants to do things his way then that's he is going to have to live with it in the log run. The kids adore him, and i would never be the one to break that bond unless there were serious behavioural issues presenting themselves. At the moment it's just confusion and tears, that i can handle by being my kind of parent. He may have been a low down lousy kind of husband but he has always been a great dad. Makes it even more astonishing to me that he can be handling so illogically, hence i think he may just have lost his mind (maybe only temporarily though..  

Big Mac.. Wow. Powerful words. My next appointment with my lawyer is on the 13th. I am looking forward to it very much.

Soca... NO! i keep on hearing it but as a newie i have no idea! Somebody help me out pls. ?

Hi Road... Thanks,,, i will keep reading reading reading and trying not to backslide. Right now i feel like i can just go for it, but that can change so fast. I'm up and down like a rollercoaster these days  

Thanks all again for writing..


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

The Healing Heart: The 180


there you are sweetheart.. stay strong now..


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

OH thankyou...! that's going to be what i read every morning from now until forever.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Analogy-My father and I fought like he!!. If it was finance, we thought the same, anything else we were at odds. Resentment in many ways. He passed away 16 years ago(I was 24). I regret so many things. Life is not about making mistakes but not making them again and again. Never lose your convictions but realize all are human. Forgiveness is key. But in your case, I can't blame you for not.


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Yes, you are right Chuck71 ... forgiveness is the key. I would like to be able to forgive everything, but i am still stuck getting past the hurt and the (unfortunately)hate. I keep seeing pictures all over facebook of him and his new girlfriend and it's making me nuts. I guess eventhough we fought like cat and dog and even with everything that's happened part of me still loves him enough to get jealous. I am on that ****ty merry-go-round of asking what is so much better about her than me? What can she do that i couldn't, sinking in self doubt and letting every insecurity i have ever had come to the fore. Then the circle turns and i get angry that he just cast me aside, after 10 years of hard work, having his children and trying to do whatever he wanted to make him happy and everything we built up together. I don't know what feels worse, the hurting part and the self doubt or the ball of hate that rises up in my throat after i'm done with the first part of the cycle that honestly feels like it's going to choke me. They're probably both not healthy  
I have realised alot of patterns in our relationship that probably led to our demise, alot of mistakes that i made with not only him but in all my previous relationships also. Trying to learn from them this time so that i don't make those same mistakes again (if i ever have another relationship.. and i doubt it at this point, i am too damaged) is definately my goal. 
I guess, i'll just have to wait and see...


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> Yes, you are right Chuck71 ... forgiveness is the key. I would like to be able to forgive everything, but i am still stuck getting past the hurt and the (unfortunately)hate. I keep seeing pictures all over facebook of him and his new girlfriend and it's making me nuts. I guess eventhough we fought like cat and dog and even with everything that's happened part of me still loves him enough to get jealous. I am on that ****ty merry-go-round of asking what is so much better about her than me? What can she do that i couldn't, sinking in self doubt and letting every insecurity i have ever had come to the fore. Then the circle turns and i get angry that he just cast me aside, after 10 years of hard work, having his children and trying to do whatever he wanted to make him happy and everything we built up together. I don't know what feels worse, the hurting part and the self doubt or the ball of hate that rises up in my throat after i'm done with the first part of the cycle that honestly feels like it's going to choke me. They're probably both not healthy
> I have realised alot of patterns in our relationship that probably led to our demise, alot of mistakes that i made with not only him but in all my previous relationships also. Trying to learn from them this time so that i don't make those same mistakes again (if i ever have another relationship.. and i doubt it at this point, i am too damaged) is definately my goal.
> I guess, i'll just have to wait and see...


block block block...block him...and anyone who tags or posts pics of them...you don't need to expose yourself to that crap. block him..unfriend him or whatever it takes...don't let him have the satisfaction of him being able to see that you can see! If your kids have a fb also...too bad..block him...and be done with the networking part of it all.. your feelings are normal...I have the same ones too...and I hear all the time how they will pass...so we wait it out...but don't expose yourself to it...

I have to 'divert' my eye so often when im at work here on some days..some days I can handle looking him into the eye and some days I just can't...but I still have to 'hear' his voice...his happy happy laughter...and occasionally I even smell him...it sucks man...but down the road here I should be on a different shift and he also should be where it won't be happening anymore and unless we work a 'hit' shift...we won't be working together regularly...
block him...divert your eyes woman...


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

I dunno about read read read , go easy on yourself l say , for me anyway. Reading all this stuff just made me too sick for 4 or 5 wks at first. lt was too much too soon on top of what had happened ..
Came here and scanned a few things , had a few rants , but then just couldn't face any more for wks it was all making me puke.
l'm finding now though that a fair bit of time here is really really helping me now that l'm more at terms with waht's happened. 

l also dunno how people dive into legals so fast, really don't. Neither of us had the mental space left right now for that stuff, too soon and luckily at least we can still be fair with each other.

l personally would've had another stab at him bout moving out.Sounds like he might have with enough prodding.Stuff his work , better than having him and the other two in your home and you not .
The kids can still see him I mean they're missing out on you now and at that age your soo so important for them . Him to l know but the mother is huge right now.
Hu , my daughter didn't stop her finding a rental one iota. He response was oh she'll be right , she can see ya whenever she wants 
Oh well - that's ok then - right !
lt's sinking into to her now though , daughters been giving her hell - nice, thank god chris holidays are so close.

Hang in there two , a day at a time right now , one problem at a time to if poss' . Everyone will be here for you.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> Yes, you are right Chuck71 ... forgiveness is the key. I would like to be able to forgive everything, but i am still stuck getting past the hurt and the (unfortunately)hate. I keep seeing pictures all over facebook of him and his new girlfriend and it's making me *nuts*. I guess eventhough we fought like cat and dog and even with everything that's happened part of me still loves him enough to get jealous. I am on that ****ty merry-go-round of asking what is so much better about her than me? What can she do that i couldn't, sinking in self doubt and letting every insecurity i have ever had come to the fore. Then the circle turns and i get angry that he just cast me aside, after 10 years of hard work, having his children and trying to do whatever he wanted to make him happy and everything we built up together. I don't know what feels worse, the hurting part and the self doubt or the ball of hate that rises up in my throat after i'm done with the first part of the cycle that honestly feels like it's going to choke me. They're probably both not healthy
> I have realised alot of patterns in our relationship that probably led to our demise, alot of mistakes that i made with not only him but in all my previous relationships also. Trying to learn from them this time so that i don't make those same mistakes again (if i ever have another relationship.. and i doubt it at this point, i am too damaged) is definately my goal.
> I guess, i'll just have to wait and see...



Yes hon, you know he do in by purpose !

Do you wanna hear the GOOD news ?

By doing this he pretend he is happy , but in fact he is not even close !

Also , doing this it means he is INSECURE big time ( by showing his "happy" pictures hes asking for recognition and attention and those two are the mom and dad of insecure ) ! 

SO , sit back and relax , work on you self and IGNORE him as much as possible !


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> block block block...block him...and anyone who tags or posts pics of them...you don't need to expose yourself to that crap. block him..unfriend him or whatever it takes...don't let him have the satisfaction of him being able to see that you can see! If your kids have a fb also...too bad..block him...and be done with the networking part of it all.. your feelings are normal...I have the same ones too...and I hear all the time how they will pass...so we wait it out...but don't expose yourself to it...
> 
> I have to 'divert' my eye so often when im at work here on some days..some days I can handle looking him into the eye and some days I just can't...but I still have to 'hear' his voice...his happy happy laughter...and occasionally I even smell him...it sucks man...but down the road here I should be on a different shift and he also should be where it won't be happening anymore and unless we work a 'hit' shift...we won't be working together regularly...
> block him...divert your eyes woman...


Oh gos h i know i should block him and be done with it. Maybe it's the masochistic side to me that makes me want to know but at the same time not want to know :scratchhead:


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Yes hon, you know he do in by purpose !
> 
> Do you wanna hear the GOOD news ?
> 
> ...


I am coming to realise that now... He is playing out his midlife crisis in front of the whole damn town. I was thinking that i was kinda embarrassed for him, unsure if i was being irrational about that because i was jealous or whatever. Last night i saw a friend of mine (a mutual friend of ours who has known him for twice as long as i have) and she told me that her husband
saw him at a party on the weekend with his new girl. All she said was that her husband came home and said that he prayed to god that he would never start to act so embarrassingly in public at his age. Nice to know that even people who are totally impartial are thinking the same way... Schadenfreud i think they call it... ! whatever! It made me feel a whole lot better than i have felt in days


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

That's a killer feeling. I check her FB every other day if it sill says Married to me. It's the torn between wanting to know and not wanting to know. I'm starting to lean more towards not wanting to but it is hard.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Life like vacuum, he get sucked in easily
but they are blown out as quick
pieces to be picked up, roads to be patched
then up to you to allow driveway to be fixed


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

soca70 said:


> That's a killer feeling. I check her FB every other day if it sill says Married to me. It's the torn between wanting to know and not wanting to know. I'm starting to lean more towards not wanting to but it is hard.


Like rubbing salt into an open wound.
Damn you facebook.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Been S2.5 mnts and 2 wks ago my W de-freinded me! On top of that she has her 3 besties de-freind me also 2wks after the bomb!

Me, i never mentioned anything about it to her, nor do i update anything on my FB, it is as if i never log on to it... my FB is a ghost town.

FB and instagram drive me crazy!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I don't look at mine.....I did not reactivate my FB until after the talk happened. When she dropped married from her front page (several weeks ago), I waited several days and posted separated on mine. I don't think she was even aware I reactivated mine until recently. But no, I don't look. If it's not changed it gives false hope and if it shows pics with others at clubs or where ever, all it's going to do is process mind movies. The best thing is to sit back and not look. If everything falls and D is final....s/he or a close friend will see you in town, with someone new and that will do 100x more than a party pic.


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## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

Ouch.
FB is evil.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

on top of that, by FB is private and so is hers, so she cant see me and i cant see her!


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

There are pictures being posted of them by mutual friends, i guess that hurts even more... He i am embarrassed for, but friends? I feel like they have just accepted her with open arms. Like 'yay... isn't she cute? isn't she nice? don't they look lovely together?' Oh, did i ever mention she is as old as his daughter?(the eldest one ofcourse!) It's makin' me wanna' puke. Here comes that burning, bitter, frustrated angriness again, hard bile rising up in my stomach into my throat. Honestly, i can physically feel it, it is almost paralyses me at times... and the worst part is that when this feeling has subsided i know i'm gonna' cry for hours.


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Not coping at all today  Mind movies on overdrive, i have been throwing up all day. The kids are with their dad until Sunday, i miss them terribly. I can't even go to my old house and visit them because he's playing happy families there with his new girlfriend. I am just so tired of being in this mess. Tired and sick and tired.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> Not coping at all today  Mind movies on overdrive, i have been throwing up all day. The kids are with their dad until Sunday, i miss them terribly. I can't even go to my old house and visit them because he's playing happy families there with his new girlfriend. I am just so tired of being in this mess. Tired and sick and tired.


Twofer - been there, done that, got the postcard. Can you get together with a friend or group to do something this weekend that will get you out of the house?


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

i know it's stupid. I know i should just stop wallowing. I am so pathetic.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> i know it's stupid. I know i should just stop wallowing. I am so pathetic.


No it's not pathetic. It's a reality about this affects us. Do not apologize for your feelings as this is a rollercoaster! What the trick is to help alleviate the pain/hurt/sadness/anger is the 180 approach and to get doing things for YOU! What would you like to do this weekend that you couldn't with the kids?


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

I have no idea. Like absolutely NO IDEA. That's even sadder. I have no life.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> Like rubbing salt into an open wound.
> Damn you facebook.


What did I tell you to do? 

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK! _WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM? _

There ARE some things YOU can control yanno! What's the problem with you not blocking those that post or tag those pics right now? Hows seeing that sht going to help you heal? How much more pain and puking do you want to give yourself? Delete the damn people that tag/post those PICS! So you can OWN your facebook and your network socializing...i bet you physically feel ill everytime you log on and you 'go spying' and 'seeking'... STOP! You can't control him...your not going to stop him... he's doing what he's doing and you don't need to WATCH. And what's more...he knows you are....but let word get around you deleted those who 'condone' or tag/post those pics...knock it off...OWN YOUR OWN SOCIAL NETWORK...and stop complaining about what you see... 
I have/had to STOP looking at my EX'S f'n cell phone bill... it was making me crazy... as for 'his facebook'...I gained control of it...hacked the mutherfkr...took down all his pics of his precious self...and daily delete all his friends...he *****es he wants it back...has no idea...there's going to be NOTHING THERE... 'he can create his own' damn fb... I created his..he can take the time to create his own...HE DELETED ME... I'M DELETING HIS FB SHT. ...it's very therapeutic to spend a few minuts daily whittling down his 'friends'... 

Take care of what YOU can control... stop eyeballin' **** that hurts you...
I work with my ex...I have to divert my eyes... I hear his voice on the work radio...I gag because my there's no saliva in my mouth to swallow...if he walks by me...I smell him...I crave him...and I HATE HIM!!!! AND I LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM BACK.... but I cannot look at him...i try try try...not to look... or inhale...i try not to set myself up to 'be in his path' or a 'path where i set myself up to feel the pain of his presence'...being at this house without him is enough... 

baby steps...but take back control where you have it...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> I have no idea. Like absolutely NO IDEA. That's even sadder. I have no life.


Well here is you opportunity to build a life. A better one at that.
You don't need all of this heartache and suffering. No one does.

Good men don't cheat on their wife's or have affairs. There are plenty of great men out there who will show you the respect and love you deserve. Why waste any more of your life on this guy? Life's too short to be letting some less then adequate man make you feel miserable and unloved. Don't let him. 



soca70 said:


> That's a killer feeling. I check her FB every other day if it sill says Married to me. It's the torn between wanting to know and not wanting to know. I'm starting to lean more towards not wanting to but it is hard.


 One of the first things I did was defriend my wife and block her from my page. So glad I did. Now I'm not tempted to go look at her page and she can't see mine at all.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Yes with kids, etc it's easy to lose track of what has been referred to on here as the "zest for life". I'm having to rediscover this for myself as well.

If you have the $, getting a haircut, new clothes, etc is a good start. I know I dropped about 10 pounds in the first month and got to my goal weight and took advantage of that. Or find something free to do in the paper. Or the gym. Also, there is a website called meetup.com that has activities in a city. Or coffee with a friend. Yes it's tough as even had trouble DRIVING initially but you got to get moving.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Two - this is a must, get healthy, eating heathly, excercise even if you dont feel like it. Your body will start to show the signs of stress and fatigue if you do not take care of it. 

I know it is hard as h$ll and you would rather watch movies on the couch and sulk in sorrow, but get you self up, tell yourself "i deserve better" and get out ther and become something good.

You have the strength in you! Although it may feel like it, no one is dying! Your still alive. 

You can do it!


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

I survived the weekend  got down, got back up again  Took your advice soca, i went to work, got a massage and had some friends over for drinks. My best male friend confessed drunkenly that he loves me and has always loved me. WOW. Not really sure where that might go.. but, I have been smiling to myself eversince 

Makes a nice change...


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Well here is you opportunity to build a life. A better one at that.
> You don't need all of this heartache and suffering. No one does.
> 
> Good men don't cheat on their wife's or have affairs. There are plenty of great men out there who will show you the respect and love you deserve. Why waste any more of your life on this guy? Life's too short to be letting some less then adequate man make you feel miserable and unloved. Don't let him.
> ...


No, i don't need that ***t. Yes I will build myself a better life.
and Yes, i would like to believe in those 'good men'...
Blocking now.
I mean really. 
He's gone.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> I survived the weekend  got down, got back up again  Took your advice soca, i went to work, got a massage and had some friends over for drinks. My best male friend confessed drunkenly that he loves me and has always loved me. WOW. Not really sure where that might go.. but, I have been smiling to myself eversince
> 
> Makes a nice change...


 I survived as well! Had a few moments where I was pretty down. Was in a real down mood this morning. Doesn't help its been pouring down rain all morning and is just gloomy and a Monday. I just get so lonely during the weekend. Unfortunately I have no friend at all to call. I know no one here, but I kept myself fairly busy so it wasn't too bad I suppose. 

Good to hear about your best friend. Who knows where that may lead. Jsut make sure you care careful. Don't want to have another breakup and lose a good friend. If you know what I mean.


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I survived as well! Had a few moments where I was pretty down. Was in a real down mood this morning. Doesn't help its been pouring down rain all morning and is just gloomy and a Monday. I just get so lonely during the weekend. Unfortunately I have no friend at all to call. I know no one here, but I kept myself fairly busy so it wasn't too bad I suppose.
> 
> Good to hear about your best friend. Who knows where that may lead. Jsut make sure you care careful. Don't want to have another breakup and lose a good friend. If you know what I mean.


Oh yes, VERY CAREFUL. My heart is way too fragile at the moment. He just wants me to be happy, however i need to be, he said it has almost killed him to watch me be so sad for so long. So sweet  
Gloomy mondays are the worst, we are stuck in snowstorms... grey and miserable.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> Oh yes, VERY CAREFUL. My heart is way too fragile at the moment. He just wants me to be happy, however i need to be, he said it has almost killed him to watch me be so sad for so long. So sweet
> Gloomy mondays are the worst, we are stuck in snowstorms... grey and miserable.


Well that is sweet. Just be careful. After what you have been through it would be easy to run to anyone for comfort and get a false since of companionship out of it. You know what I mean. I'm sure its good to have someone to talk to who is compassionate and caring. Should make you feel good and allow you to let a lot out. 

No snow here, but just constant rain. Makes me wish I could have stayed in bed all day.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

2F-You are a better person than he is, do not EVER EVER forget that. You are stronger than you realize.


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> 2F-You are a better person than he is, do not EVER EVER forget that. You are stronger than you realize.


Thanks Chuck  what a lovely thing to say ... i'll get there...
one day at a time...


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

ANYTIME, one day I may need a thoughtful comment from you.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Twofer - how's everything going for you?


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Hey  thanks for asking... been really busy, trying to get my crap together. I'm still having some of those bad moments, but i have a sense that they are getting further apart. I have started on the 180.. boy oh boy it's not easy when you have to have contact because of kids, but i just try and keep the communication to a basic level. NOTHING personal. 
He got the letter from my lawyer last week and i think it so shocked him. God knows why!?! He was all like 'so is this the way you want to go is it?!' i answered him that the ball was now in his court and he could make of it what he wanted, and that i wouldn't be discussing anything financial with him anymore without my lawyer present so that he couldn't manipulate me and make me unsure of myself.
I could not even look at him while saying that.
Even just looking at him makes me want to plead and beg for some kind of reconciliation. But NO NO NO NO NO! i will not!!!!!!! 
I think i'm moving forward. Slowly slowly... 'twoforwardoneback' 
Thanks again for asking, it cheered me up on this grey and rainy day 
Hope you are ok...(?) I'll have to read what's been going on with you lately... take care


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Good job Two, keeping chuggin along and you will see the light.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Twofer - it sounds like you are on the right track. I know it is so hard to not say "Is this want you REALLY want?" Of course, if it wasn't, they'd show you. Keep it up though!


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

I have to say this forum has helped me ALOT! Just knowing that you're not the only person on earth with all these crazy emotions! I have learnt alot in the last couple of weeks. I never would have been able to tell him so clearly that he manipulates me a little while ago. Hell, i didn't even realise he WAS manipulating me at all ! but i have learnt that there are alot commons between us who are left and the leavers, the patterns they/we follow are all pretty similar, even if the circumstances are different.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Your right, this forum helps alot!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

2F-I thought I WAS the only one going through these things, until I came here. TAM is kinda family for me now. We had no kids so it's not as messy. I have spoken to several and I'd like to think I have helped them. When it's not my own I know the answers, when it's mine, I am clueless. Your spouse will do the most odd stuff. Mine joined two dating sites and has come home every night since last Monday. Even cooked my fav meal last night. But I'm not budging, I had that one last cry last week. Things are different now. It reminds me of Cher's "where does the feeling go when the feelings gone" Now we argue....funny had we argued a year ago we wouldn't be where we are now. I just left the roller coaster, she just started. I went mine alone, so shall she.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

yup, i agree with Chuck. You dont have to be on the roller coaster ride if you dont want too. Just get off. Watch from 50k feet, and wait. 

It is easier to give advice then to apply it to your own situation.

Goon on ya Chuck, hope all is well in your neighborhood.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Hi-My best friend (F) from 20 years ago is my IC. She knows me like a book. We have walked each other through he!! in the past. This is her 2nd, I told her I hope I never have to pay her back. She has a great family now. She listens. In these times, a guy needs a F-POV. Things have changed. The corner turn.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Thats great! I have had my IC for 5 years, she was with me the 1st time my wife left (Iraq). So she knows my WHOLE background and my STBXW's as well. And she is F to boot, too. It is always good to get a F point of view. 

Heck, even my IC says that i need to do the 180 and NC!!

Her words "watch from the sidelines".


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Mine tells me exactly what i need to hear, 3 days ahead. She knows what I think, knows how she thinks. She is to me what I am to others I have spoke to on here. She walked me through he!! in 1994, I walked her through it three years later. Friends.........God's gift


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

OH MY GOD. i just heard for the third time from a third person in a week that my ex idiot (can now only be referred to as such) is showing nude pictures of his new gf all over town. I am sick to the stomach. Embarrassed for him, absolutely embarrassed for her and thinking that the man has most DEFINATELY lost his mind. aaarrrghhhhhhhhh..... I am embarrassed more than anything for me that i am still married to this FOOL. :scratchhead:
THANK GOD I HAVE A THERAPY APPOINTMENT TOMORROW. 
I need to talk this out or i think i will go crazy!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

twoforwardoneback said:


> OH MY GOD. i just heard for the third time from a third person in a week that my ex idiot (can now only be referred to as such) is showing nude pictures of his new gf all over town. I am sick to the stomach. Embarrassed for him, absolutely embarrassed for her and thinking that the man has most DEFINATELY lost his mind. aaarrrghhhhhhhhh..... I am embarrassed more than anything for me that i am still married to this FOOL. :scratchhead:
> THANK GOD I HAVE A THERAPY APPOINTMENT TOMORROW.
> I need to talk this out or i think i will go crazy!


What a fktard!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

He is obviously in a spiral. Not much anyone can do for him. Why do so many people pose for nude pics? Maybe it's just me.


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> What a fktard!


indeed...
there is probably no other description more fitting.
I keep trying to merge the man i married with this lunatic before me and i just can't...


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> He is obviously in a spiral. Not much anyone can do for him. Why do so many people pose for nude pics? Maybe it's just me.


i just don't get it either??!?!?:scratchhead:
Can't quite figure out what's worse... That she doesn't know what he's doing with the pictures.. or that she maybe does know and doesn't care... She is only 24 years old, has only just migrated to this country from Thailand, is a single mother (divorcing from a violent husband i have been told) and has now gotten involved with a disrespectful lunatic like him. The socially competent side of me feels totally sorry for her, but i have enough problems of my own...


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

If people would just stop and think......the world would be so much better off. Does he not realize how idiotic this is making him? A 40something running around with a nuddie......call the paddywagon


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> If people would just stop and think......the world would be so much better off. Does he not realize how idiotic this is making him? A 40something running around with a nuddie......call the paddywagon


thanks Chuck! :iagree:

LMAO!!


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Twofer - how are things?


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Twofer - how are things?


Oh my gosh i just wrote the longest reply and then deleted it by accident! DAMN! now i have no more time  
just so you know,, i'm okay... i'l go into detail again soon 
thanks for asking.. 
how are things in your neck of the woods??


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## twoforwardoneback (Dec 3, 2012)

Well hello after a long long time... I had to take a break from being on here for a while. Some of the things i was reading on these forums was helping but other similar stories were making me wallow in my pain. 
It's a year gone now, i can't quite believe it has been that long. Sometimes i feel happy again, and i am truly truly thankful for alot of the things i have in my life but there are ofcourse still time when i feel all that hurt like it was just yesterday. I am slowly getting it together divorce wise, we have reached an agrement on how to spilt assets and such. Now it's just a matter of getting it signed and delivered to the courts. I feel like at some point i might get over all of this. Hope is on the horizon, i can see it from here. 
Hope you're all doing ok.
Thanks to all of you, soca, chuck, highroad, stella.. and the rest...who helped me back then when i was screaming out for help on here. You have to know that you all had a part in saving me.
Would like to hear news from you!
xx


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