# My NC journal



## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

Ok tonight I discussed the fact that I will be going NC with my husband for the next couple of weeks so that I can try and disconnect myself from the relationship. I thought I would make a journal on this forum to keep my progress each day. Also this will be a great place for me to post as opposed to contacting my H if the need to contact him overwhelms me. So here goes...

I feel better about the fact that I am going NC for now. I have no idea how long this feeling will last but I will enjoy it while it does.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Funkykatz said:


> Ok tonight I discussed the fact that I will be going NC with my husband for the next couple of weeks so that I can try and disconnect myself from the relationship. I thought I would make a journal on this forum to keep my progress each day. Also this will be a great place for me to post as opposed to contacting my H if the need to contact him overwhelms me. So here goes...
> 
> I feel better about the fact that I am going NC for now. I have no idea how long this feeling will last but I will enjoy it while it does.


How long married? Any kids? Still in the same house?

Sorry, just wondering why the NC is only temporary.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just read this...



Funkykatz said:


> Hello everyone
> 
> I am very newly separated. I do not want a divorce but my h does. He says that there is no hope of working things out. A little background info, we have been married 2 years and dated on and off for 5. We have no kids. He does not want to be with me as I am having a really hard time finding a job and he feels it is because I don't want to work. This is not at all true. I am currently getting help for depression and anxiety. I see a therapist and I am on waiting list for getting help with finding a job. I am working to better myself. My h thinks it is taking to long to work on myself and refuses to see couples therapy with me. At the same time we are best friends and we are civil and nice to each other over this whole thing. Also I should mention I moved back in with my parents so we no longer live together.
> 
> I am not even sure if I want advice or to just tell my story and get it off my chest, but any comments are welcome. Just kinda feeling lost and confused right now.


...and now I'm even more confused. You have no kids and you're not living together. Additionally, it sounds like he's just upset because you haven't found work and are having trouble working through some personal issues. Plus he's not at all willing to work on your marriage.

So, again... why the _temporary_ NC?


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

I ask myself the same question all the time. I think it is way to make us both feel better but I am hoping with some distance from him that I won't want to stop NC. This is the ultimate goal anyways.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maintaining a friendship may very well be something that helps both of you to "feel better", but it's probably for different reasons. For you it will be an opportunity to maintain an emotional connection to him while holding out hope for a reconciliation. For him it's a way to assuage any guilt that he may feel for leaving your marriage.

And the reasons that he's given, by the way, are pretty lame. What ever happened to "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health", etc?

How certain are you that he isn't seeing someone else?


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

I am very certain he isn't seeing someone else, but you are right he is most likely feeling guilt. My therapist even said that to me. I don't know maybe he just likes to string me along so that way he will always have me. I am getting tired of his crap and feel like I can actually breath again now that I am away from him. Human emotions can really suck, and I need to work through mine to be able to come out on the other side and really be done with him for good. I am not there yet but I am hopeful that soon I will be. It just sucks that the marriage is failing and that we can't be adult enough to work through things (as every marriage has issues that need to be worked on) but maybe it is better this way.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Funkykatz said:


> I am very certain he isn't seeing someone else, but you are right he is most likely feeling guilt. My therapist even said that to me. *I don't know maybe he just likes to string me along so that way he will always have me.* I am getting tired of his crap and feel like I can actually breath again now that I am away from him. Human emotions can really suck, and I need to work through mine to be able to come out on the other side and really be done with him for good. I am not there yet but I am hopeful that soon I will be. It just sucks that the marriage is failing and that we can't be adult enough to work through things (as every marriage has issues that need to be worked on) but maybe it is better this way.


Sadly this is probably true.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

If you did not write down the terms of your separation and agree to them, do it immediately.

Remove the unknowns of your finances and if the two of you will date other people.

Knowledge is strength and it helps set a foundation for you to heal during you NC (and 180?)

Everyday with NC is a day of healing and it forces the WAS to acknowledge what they are throwing away.

NC and 180 heals,
Stretch


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

Thanks stretch 

We already went to mediation and have the terms written out. Finances are set. We both agreed not to date until the divorce is final. 

Right now he really needs to understand what he lost in me and I need to understand that I can survive without him.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

It is officially day one of NC for me. So far I have been doing good about not wanting to contact him. I do feel alittle urge at the moment to contact him that is why I am posting here instead. I know if I am able to just sit with this uncomfortable feeling it will go away soon. It's hard but I can do this.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

I am so up and down about this marriage. I keep having flash backs to all the crappy ways he treated me. When I think like that I am glad that we are getting a D. But then just like that the good memories come rushing in and I am back to wanting him back.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

So, I have to travel to Orlando a couple of times per year from Tampa and I pass by a hotel that my WAW and I stayed at 25 years ago before we were even married. The memory hits me every time.

However, two years ago, it would have brought me to tears, last week I just smiled and was thankful for having fun experiences in my life.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

This is why NC is so important right now. I went to my H house today to pick up my mail and get some money he owed me and he was being nice and kept staring at me like he really missed me. He then asked me if I wanted to have cig with him and I was like ok sure. We talked for like ten minutes and then he said he just wanted to say bye as he knows we will not be talking for a couple of weeks or more. After all this I got hopeful that we could work things out. Now I am at the point of wanting to talk to him. I am forcing myself not to contact him. This whole thing just reinforces the point of why NC/180 is so important for me to do right now.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

So you are doing no contact, but what else? The 180 is not about no contact, it is about changing your behavior and thinking. So, you are in therapy already, which is good. Do you work out? If not why not? That right there will help your self-image and give you a dose of good chemicals to counteract the anxiety and depression. And you will start to really feel good about yourself as you see progress there. 

What about friends? Do you have many? Have you lost contact with most? Now is the time to start making friends and reconnecting with people, not to dump your problems on them (that is what your therapist is for), but to have an outlet for fun and companionship that can last. You'll need to start building a life for yourself regardless of what happens in your marriage.

You are looking for a job...is there some reason employers are reluctant to hire you right now? Go to the library and get some interview and resume books and try to follow the advice in them. In particular the interview books will help you with questions and preparation so you can come off as confident and like somebody they want to work with. Just a thought...

What about hobbies and interests? Anything you would like to learn how to do? Are you interested, for example, in learning how to speak another language or something? Start. Get to the library, get books. Fill your time with this new activity and your mind will not be on contacting your H. And you will start to do something that feels good because you are doing it and making steady progress at doing something that you have chosen to do for your own mental health.

That is the 180. Doing the opposite of what you have been doing: if isolated, make friends. If physically let go, get in shape. Get a makeover. etc.

No contact is only a small part. the rest is what will change you, and you will come out better than you went in no matter what happens in your marriage.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

I did join a new church group and I am having fun making friends there. I def could working out more I need to lose a few pounds. I love the sound of a makeover and a message sounds great. I do need a haircut. 

So yeah I guess what I am saying is I got the therapy and making new friends thing under control but I could really start working on my self image and self confidence.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

Today was pretty good. I did feel like contacting him but I didn't. I just sat with the uncomfortable feelings. They did go away.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Good. 

Are you in IC?


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

Yes I am. I have been for some time and it works good for me.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

Today I am feeling angry. I went to the doctor and I need to get surgery on my ankle later this year. I am not sure how long I will be on my husbands insurance for. This scares me. I feel like contacting my ex but really working hard at forcing myself not to. This all making me feel really anxious. I don't know what to do I am having a hard time sitting still right now. So yeah, that's where I am at right now.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

I am coming to the conclusion that I suck at NC. Today was a good day for me. Last night not so much. My H and I were in contact all day yesterday and as always I felt hurt and run down by the end of the day. My ex stated that he was much happier now that I don't live with him any more. Well that really hurt to here but it did help me realize that I do need to keep moving forward with my life and move on.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Your H is an emotionally abusive a-hole, and you are allowing him to play you like a fiddle. Stop engaging with hjm, he is only using you to bolster his own insecurities. Detach, and move on.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Girlfriend,

You almost do not have to worry about the NC now that you have attempted it. You see, you are learning like we all did that your heart yearns for contact but after each interaction you get no relief just more pain.

You will naturally start detaching because you instinctively will reject the inevitable hurt.

Stay strong, keep trying, you heal every minute, every hour, every day and every week that you choose NC.

Got your back,
Stretch


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

Thanks pepper and stretch I apperiacate the support. I have been connecting more with God and a new group of people plus my therapist, so I do have supportive people in place. There is a divorce support group starting in my area in the middle of July that I am thinking of starting as well.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Sounds like some good places to start, Funky! The first step is the hardest...


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

So today will be 2nd day that I have not at all contacted my stbxh. He did try and contact me through two emails and some text messages. The emails basically said that he was packing up my stuff for me and to come and get it. I didn't respond back, when I get the time I will get the stuff. 

It feels surprisingly good to not have talked to him these last few days. I feel it is giving me some breathing space to heal. Now let's hope that I can be strong enough to keep this up.


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