# What Does He Like and What Does She Like?



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Girl Power's post made me wonder......

What does she like when you initiate sex?
What does he like when you initiate sex?

How do you go about initiating? I need some pointers.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

StarFires said:


> Girl Power's post made me wonder......
> 
> What does she like when you initiate sex?
> What does he like when you initiate sex?
> ...



I have always found a good kiss and a hand on his junk gets the desired response. Unless you're attempting with a gay guy...then it's a lot more difficult. LOL


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> I have always found a good kiss and a hand on his junk gets the desired response. Unless you're attempting with a gay guy...then it's a lot more difficult. LOL


Do you have firsthand experience with that one? LOL

Hands on his junk - I can't be quite that bold until after we've begun.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

StarFires said:


> -snip-
> What does he like when you initiate sex?
> -snip-


No data to work from. She's never tried anything.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

StarFires said:


> Do you have firsthand experience with that one? LOL
> 
> Hands on his junk - I can't be quite that bold until after we've begun.


Yes I do, my STBXH he is gay. 


I think you should just give it a try!!!! You may be very pleasantly surprised at the results. Except for the above situation, it has never failed me. Not one guy didn't like it. :grin2:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I don't personally like the hand on junk until after a bite of dinner and a movie.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

2ntnuf said:


> I don't personally like the hand on junk until after a bite of dinner and a movie.


Who says I haven't fed him first? you're just making assumptions now. :grin2:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> Who says I haven't fed him first? you're just making assumptions now. :grin2:


touche'


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

StarFires said:


> Girl Power's post made me wonder......
> 
> What does she like when you initiate sex?
> What does he like when you initiate sex?
> ...


During the day at some point my wife will send me a text with a symbol we both know. That means game on that night. Some time after I may text her what I plan to do to her. Then all during the day more of that. Usually she is ready to jump me when she gets home.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. C always grabs my unit and plays with my rear but we are very touchy and flirty all day, every day.

When she is serious, she starts prancing around in various states of undress up to totally nude and hopping in the bed while telling me to get with the program.

My favorite is the latter!:grin2:

I either look at her just right, do a series of strategic and gentle touches or just take her at near forceful levels.

She likes them all but seems to climax like a nuke when I just take her.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> When she is serious, she starts prancing around in various states of undress up to totally nude and hopping in the bed while telling me to get with the program.
> 
> My favorite is the latter!:grin2:


LOL



ConanHub said:


> She likes them all but seems to climax like a nuke when I just take her.


Yes, we love to be ravaged sometimes. :corkysm60:


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

StarFires said:


> LOL
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, we love to be ravaged sometimes. :corkysm60:


I can see that working for PIV. But for oral? Is there a way to throw a woman down and just go for it orally? I've assumed that wouldn't work because it generally requires a slow build up with my wife; too much too soon and things just shut down. But maybe I'm not giving bold & ravaging enough chance?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> I can see that working for PIV. But for oral? Is there a way to throw a woman down and just go for it orally? I've assumed that wouldn't work because it generally requires a slow build up with my wife; too much too soon and things just shut down. But maybe I'm not giving bold & ravaging enough chance?


Yes it includes oral.:grin2:

I literally just take what I want and that includes every aspect of her body and every sexual position.

I'm none too gentle and she is literally a pile of quivering goosebumps by the time I'm through.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We sorta talked about this today. I never heard the term “initiate” until I came to TAM. Sex just happened, well, because, sex. OK, saying “wana ****” would get a reaction of her sprinting to the bedroom shedding clothes and yelling meep, meep. 

Post menopause it didn’t/doesn’t work like that for her anymore. That was really difficult for me to process. We figured it out. Now all (most) sex is initiated in advance verbally. Sounds unsexy, but sex is good.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> I can see that working for PIV. But for oral? Is there a way to throw a woman down and just go for it orally? I've assumed that wouldn't work because it generally requires a slow build up with my wife; too much too soon and things just shut down. But maybe I'm not giving bold & ravaging enough chance?


Yep, it works for oral too. But if you don't think it would based on she "generally requires a slow build up with my wife; too much too soon and things just shut down," then don't try it. However, if you're familiar with her cycle and most receptive days (if you know what I mean wink wink), then trying it once might not hurt to see if you succeed.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

StarFires said:


> Yep, it works for oral too. But if you don't think it would based on she "generally requires a slow build up with my wife; too much too soon and things just shut down," then don't try it. However, if you're familiar with her cycle and most receptive days (if you know what I mean wink wink), then trying it once might not hurt to see if you succeed.


At 62, her "cycle" receptiveness is based upon the size of paycheck I bring home. Wink Wink 

It still might be worth a try sometime. But she tends to look for the negative. On the other hand, there have been times when she told me nothing's happening, but I kept it up, changed things a bit, and she came around, so to speak.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Rooster2015 said:


> During the day at some point my wife will send me a text with a symbol we both know. That means game on that night. Some time after I may text her what I plan to do to her. Then all during the day more of that. Usually she is ready to jump me when she gets home.


My wife is obviously less educated than your wife. 
She sends me texts saying “Wanna ****”.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> We sorta talked about this today. I never heard the term “initiate” until I came to TAM. Sex just happened, well, because, sex. OK, saying “wana ****” would get a reaction of her sprinting to the bedroom shedding clothes and yelling meep, meep.
> 
> Post menopause it didn’t/doesn’t work like that for her anymore. That was really difficult for me to process. We figured it out. Now all (most) sex is initiated in advance verbally. Sounds unsexy, but sex is good.


This is difficult when you aren't in love with the woman. She better be attractive or it seems like too much work. When in love like you two, it's nearly a need. Anyway, even if that's the wrong word, it's different and you want to talk her up because you love her.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> At 62, her "cycle" receptiveness is based upon the size of paycheck I bring home. Wink Wink


Ohhhh so I see. Sorry, I didn't know your ages. So she's in my category. Best years of our life!


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> My wife is obviously less educated than your wife.
> She sends me texts saying “Wanna ****”.


What a coinicidence...when I use words instead of actions, those are the exact words I use!!! :grin2:


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

I find everyones responses interesting. 

My wife likes the direct route and will just grab my unit to indicate she is ready. I like just about everything else she has ever tried except this. Grabbing my unit is like taking 3 steps back in initiating things. If she ever decides to give me a BJ and be done for a while (she has never done this), then she can grab away.

When I initiate, what she likes is a schedule. Yeah, our differences have been .......


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

some of my favorites she'll do for me.

- just come out and say "I want the sex, please"

- she has a kind of underwear that she'll wear with skirts/dresses that apparently isn't very comfortable, but is stretechy, so at some point in the night, they'll end up being used as a ponytail holder. Always loved that one. She has fantastic legs, so I like to let my fingers roam along them, and it makes it way hotter.

- she also has two pair of "**** me" shoes. They're not stripper shoes or anything - she can wear them to work, just some beautiful strappy heels, but when she has them on, I know she's looking to be ravaged.


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

StarFires said:


> LOL
> 
> Yes, we love to be ravaged sometimes. :corkysm60:


Ahem.... I'm going to be cheeky and change it to 'most times'... :wink2:


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

It's mostly "Wanna play? ****?" from his end... if he's not already running his hands on me, as we're sitting on the couch...
And from my end "Wanna have sex?" 
Fed/non-fed, weekday/weekend, he'd jump if I touched him straightaway! :rofl: Nope he needs warning, so he can enter the zone. 

Which is why this is my favourite initiation episode, from a few months ago... 



He'd come back from work. Normal day mid-week. Had no banter/text throughout the day. Walked in, dressed in formals. I was wearing the usual jeans/top. The hallway was still dark. (He generally comes home at 9 pm). 

I was busy with the dishes, distracted, with sex being the last thing on my mind. He dropped his bag, slipped his hands in his pockets and stood staring at me, from across the hall. As I crossed past him to walk into the living room, he grabbed my hand. "****... you still drive me crazy and horny as a 17-year-old." 

I laughed it off at first. 
But, his expression stayed the same. And I could see he meant it. Wouldn't loosen his grip either, killing my laugher quietly. It was intense. We were just staring at each other by the bottom stair for a whole minute.

Yup. Distracted no-mood me went from 0-100 in 2 minutes. Will never forget that evening! 


Knowing how much stress affects my husband's libido, and how exhausted he gets after work, it's gonna be a very rare one. So, I'll treasure it... probably till I'm a grandma! 0


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

leftfield said:


> I find everyones responses interesting.
> 
> My wife likes the direct route and will just grab my unit to indicate she is ready. I like just about everything else she has ever tried except this. Grabbing my unit is like taking 3 steps back in initiating things. If she ever decides to give me a BJ and be done for a while (she has never done this), then she can grab away.
> 
> When I initiate, what she likes is a schedule. Yeah, our differences have been .......


Yes, I can't be that direct. And besides, I think it's vulgar. Sorry ya'll.

But what your wife doesn't do, I've done many times. I like surprising him with it, occasionally waking him in the morning with that delight.

"You can get all the coochie you want, but you can't finish until I say so. I, on the other hand, get finished off regularly." We play this way and when it's time to play, I wear certain skirts w/o undies so he knows it's time, and we go a few days to a week of him jumping me at will and me controlling his climaxes. So I never really considered this initiating, but I guess it is.

Was hoping for some new ideas for playtime, ways I could initiate subtly because it's hard for me to be forward or too direct.

Are you guys boring? lol

How do you get him warmed up?
How does she get you warmed up?
How do you get her warmed up?

C'mon help me out here.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


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## cheapie (Aug 6, 2018)

"Wanna do something?" is kind of our code phrase. (Not really romantic, but it works) We'll generally then hot tub naked, then proceed to the bedroom. (It's great being retired and living on 20 acres with no near neighbors). When I initiate, it's usually early in the morning...I'll spoon him and then reach around and play with his junk till it gets hard and he wakes up. Morning sex is great - I've found it to be more intense.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

When she puts these on..... no other message is required.

Available on ebay.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

It feels really embarrassing to admit this, but I actually never initiate sex...literally, NEVER. I CAN'T.
I'm sure I seem completely silly and childish to anyone reading this, but the thought of revealing that I want sex when my husband might not is truly TERRIFYING...Lol! I don't know if it's just a fear of rejection, or the fact that my biggest turn-on is that HE wants ME, or the fact that my father was a narcissist so I learned early on that I had no right to ask for anything for myself, or blah blah blah, whatever else is rolling around in my brain...but I DO NOT want to make my husband have sex with me if he doesn't already want me - I don't want to talk him into it, I don't want him to do it out of duty or pity, and I feel ashamed if I want sex more than he does (yes, ashamed...*sigh!* SO foolish!)

I know I'm weird with this - it's not like I'm low-drive and don't initiate...I have a VERY high-drive! So I can end up wanting sex and not getting it, simply because I'm too afraid to reveal that I want it!!!
And I listen to other (normal!) women, on this thread and around me, talk about how open they are with their men about their desires, and part of me is envious, and the other part is in awe of their bravery! 

So my husband does all the initiating, and that's perfect for me! Lol!! He has a very dominant personality, so he doesn't ask, he just says, "I'm going to get you later, so be ready", and that makes me blush and laugh a little, and the anticipation turns me on, as well as the feeling that he really wants me. He doesn't care that I never ask him for sex, he just laughs at my nervousness and is happy to be in charge of it if that makes me more comfortable - THANK GOD!!! Haha!

Because of my overwhelming fear of rejection, I have never been able to say "no" to him sexually (or to my first husband), because I don't want to make him feel bad like that! I even feel grateful that he actually does want me, and isn't bored of me or unattracted to me since we've been together so long. I make sure I'm enthusiastic, even if I don't totally feel it, because once we get going, I don't have to pretend anymore!! Lol!

I feel like a foolish baby about it, but I'm perfectly happy to hide behind my little sexual wall - it's SAFE here!!!


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> It feels really embarrassing to admit this, but I actually never initiate sex...literally, NEVER. I CAN'T.
> I'm sure I seem completely silly and childish to anyone reading this, but the thought of revealing that I want sex when my husband might not is truly TERRIFYING...Lol!
> 
> *No verbal cues... but, do you do the silent cues? Smiling... eye-locking... playing with your hair... wearing something that's a tad sexier than your usual outfit.. a little makeup?
> ...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> It feels really embarrassing to admit this, but I actually never initiate sex...literally, NEVER. I CAN'T.
> I'm sure I seem completely silly and childish to anyone reading this, but the thought of revealing that I want sex when my husband might not is truly TERRIFYING...Lol! I don't know if it's just a fear of rejection, or the fact that my biggest turn-on is that HE wants ME, or the fact that my father was a narcissist so I learned early on that I had no right to ask for anything for myself, or blah blah blah, whatever else is rolling around in my brain...but I DO NOT want to make my husband have sex with me if he doesn't already want me - I don't want to talk him into it, I don't want him to do it out of duty or pity, and I feel ashamed if I want sex more than he does (yes, ashamed...*sigh!* SO foolish!)
> 
> I know I'm weird with this - it's not like I'm low-drive and don't initiate...I have a VERY high-drive! So I can end up wanting sex and not getting it, simply because I'm too afraid to reveal that I want it!!!
> ...


One night about a year or so ago, he reached for me in the middle of the night around 4am. It was sooooo hot. I loved it, so I started reaching for him in the middle of the night. But before this, I had never initiated sex (except the game we play that I described earlier). For so many people to say she just grabs his junk is terrifying to me and, like I said, seems somehow vulgar. It isn't that I was afraid of rejection. I think I've just always felt it isn't something a lady does. Misguided, I'm sure, but it's how I felt. I never refused, never said no, just couldn't initiate no matter how badly I wanted to. Plus, I know there are men who don't like for the woman to be forward like that. It turns them off, so that was the last thing I wanted to do.

So, you're not weird and you're not alone. From my day and age, it was probably very common. Sex is so normalized these days, that it's less common for girls to have such inhibitions. Knowing that girls and young women do all this sexting and revealing and initiating could have something to do with why you think you're weird.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. C took a lot of training, reassuring and experimenting to get to where she views my body as her playground/toy.

She had a lot of mental blocks to overcome about sex in marriage.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> It feels really embarrassing to admit this, but I actually never initiate sex...literally, NEVER. I CAN'T.
> 
> I'm sure I seem completely silly and childish to anyone reading this, but the thought of revealing that I want sex when my husband might not is truly TERRIFYING...Lol! I don't know if it's just a fear of rejection, or the fact that my biggest turn-on is that HE wants ME, or the fact that my father was a narcissist so I learned early on that I had no right to ask for anything for myself, or blah blah blah, whatever else is rolling around in my brain...but I DO NOT want to make my husband have sex with me if he doesn't already want me - I don't want to talk him into it, I don't want him to do it out of duty or pity, and I feel ashamed if I want sex more than he does (yes, ashamed...*sigh!* SO foolish!)
> 
> ...




I don’t think this is a uncommon way of thinking.
However I think that you should challenge your comfort zone a little and try to initiate once. Do it when you know he isn’t tired. And I think that it will empower you, and also make him really really happy. 
I think we all need to leave our comfort zone every once In a while.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I don’t think this is a uncommon way of thinking.
> However I think that you should challenge your comfort zone a little and try to initiate once. Do it when you know he isn’t tired. And I think that it will empower you, and also make him really really happy.
> I think we all need to leave our comfort zone every once In a while.


I agree. Perhaps a “low risk” way for @LisaDiane to start out is to whisper something like, “You look so good, you know its been a while, we really need to [whatever term for sex is comfortable] really soon”. My wife does this occasionally, it’s not grabbing my junk but does let me know she’s into it/me. I’ll gladly take it from there (just probably not right then and there).


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> When she puts these on..... no other message is required.
> 
> Available on ebay.



Wow! Is this lovely Mrs. M?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CharlieParker said:


> I agree. Perhaps a “low risk” way for @LisaDiane to start out is to whisper something like, “You look so good, you know its been a while, we really need to [whatever term for sex is comfortable] really soon”. My wife does this occasionally, it’s not grabbing my junk but does let me know she’s into it/me. I’ll gladly take it from there (just probably not right then and there).




I’m all about the rubbing my hubby’s back sensually and do an accidental **** graze / thigh graze and then a soft kiss on the neck... and then another **** graze if he’s not getting the point. Eventually when I do another **** graze it’s hard and I can grab it


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I’m all about the rubbing my *hubby’s* back sensually and do an accidental **** graze / thigh graze and then a soft kiss on the neck... and then another **** graze if he’s not getting the point. Eventually when I do another **** graze it’s hard and I can grab it


Figure of speech, or do you have some splaining to do?

Ah the graze, I miss that (and 4AM romps). Aging sucks, a med side effect is ED, and conversely she doesn’t get wet, no wonder we’re now very verbal.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Zing said:


> Wow! Is this lovely Mrs. M?


Yes that would be her. She never wears yoga pants with them. She was just trying them on. 

For showtime she has a white bandage bodycon mini. Also available on ebay.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. C always grabs my unit and plays with my rear but we are very touchy and flirty all day, every day.
> 
> When she is serious, she starts prancing around in various states of undress up to totally nude and hopping in the bed while telling me to get with the program.
> 
> ...


*Oh, Lord! Please grant me yet another life so that this might actually come to some pronounced form of mutually-satisfying fruition!

Oh, how I have been duly deprived by that cursed "fear of rejection," greatly to the point that I'm so petrified of it, that when the opportunity even halfway presents itself, I become so fearful that I quit even trying!*


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Oh, Lord! Please grant me yet another life so that this might actually come to some pronounced form of mutually-satisfying fruition!
> 
> I have been duly deprived!*


Amen! I'll agree with you on that one!:smile2:


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> I’m all about the rubbing my hubby’s back sensually and do an accidental **** graze / thigh graze and then a soft kiss on the neck... and then another **** graze if he’s not getting the point. Eventually when I do another **** graze it’s hard and I can grab it


and then a graze....and another graze ...and a rub...a little harder rub....faster ..faster faster....more pressure ....

And five minutes into it your thinking he may have gotten the point .....>>>>>>


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> and then a graze....and another graze ...and a rub...a little harder rub....faster ..faster faster....more pressure ....
> 
> And five minutes into it your thinking he may have gotten the point .....>>>>>>


*All of this talk of a successfully reciprocating and loving sexual partnership is not even remotely doing this envious old curmudgeon a damn bit of good! *


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *All of this talk of a successfully reciprocating and loving sexual partnership is not even remotely doing this envious old curmudgeon a damn bit of good! *


A fist full of cash makes for some quick enthusiastic reciprocation if one visits the right place .....

P.S. ..... I wasn't talking about my wife. Those shoes are just for me !!!!!!!!!!!>>>


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

As far as what I like... any verbal or “do you want to have sex” is such a turn off for me. 
I’m good with sexual comments like wow your so sexy, you make me so horny followed up by loving touching or kissing etc.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> As far as what I like... any verbal or “do you want to have sex” is such a turn off for me.
> I’m good with sexual comments like wow your so sexy, you make me so horny followed up by loving touching or kissing etc.


You are right on the money with that one. 

If I were to ask my wife for sex I'm positive she would look confused and say no .... or maybe I could f**k myself

On the other hand ....a fist full of her hair ,,,holding her down and telling her how good it is while having my way with her .......... is a different story.

I'm ashamed to admit that it took many too long to understand that what she wanted was not gentle and sweet......and NEVER NEVER ask for it.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> As far as what I like... any verbal or “do you want to have sex” is such a turn off for me.
> I’m good with sexual comments like wow your so sexy, you make me so horny followed up by loving touching or kissing etc.


Couldn't possibly agree more. "Can we have sex?" is like a major lady boner killer for me. Even if I was in the mood before that, I'd be done. I'll take a a sultry "wanna ****?" as it's usually accompanied by a good touch or a soft kiss. Really, I'll take anything except being asked. I despise being asked for permission, better to ask forgiveness as the saying goes. The times he just takes it are the best times. 

I think it's tough for some guys though. The "me too" movement can be a real drag on things sometimes. I pretty much give my guy a blanket "if our relationship is in good standing you don't have to ask for permission to touch me, in fact, please don't" which helps. Obviously, if he gets started and I say no for some reason I expect him to respect that. Short of "my kids will be walking in the door in 2 minutes" I can't think of a reason I'd say no though.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> Oh, how I have been duly deprived by that cursed "fear of rejection," greatly to the point that I'm so petrified of it, that when the opportunity even halfway presents itself, I become so fearful that I quit even trying!*


I will comment that I am, and have always been, fearless in my relations with women.

MEM made an insightful comment about it once and I realized there might be something to it.

Fear is a killer of many talents.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> If I were to ask my wife for sex I'm positive she would look confused and say no .... or maybe I could f**k myself
> 
> . . .
> 
> I'm ashamed to admit that it took many too long to understand that what she wanted was not gentle and sweet......and NEVER NEVER ask for it.





notmyjamie said:


> Couldn't possibly agree more. *"Can we have sex?" is like a major lady boner killer for me. Even if I was in the mood before that, I'd be done*. I'll take a a sultry "wanna ****?" as it's usually accompanied by a good touch or a soft kiss. Really, I'll take anything except being asked. I despise being asked for permission, better to ask forgiveness as the saying goes. The times he just takes it are the best times.


Yep, to ask is to blow it.....big time. Over my lifetime of dating, I've gotten past those outward requests with mild rejection and some kind of distraction. My husband has never asked, thank goodness. And I've right out let him know not to ask for a BJ or he'll NEVER get one. So as much as I hate going down, I do it often enough so he won't miss them.



Mr.Married said:


> On the other hand ....a fist full of her hair ,,,holding her down and telling her how good it is while having my way with her .......... is a different story.


I don't like it rough like that (hate having my hair pulled) but he really loves it. So a fistful of his hair (and yanking) while he has his way with me drives him nuts.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Both of us prefer to be spontaneous. We just reach out, and grab something. Words, and any explanation, is not required!


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I always asked and never got. Don't ask.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Schnarch talks about "leftovers". That's what the he likes/she likes boils down to: what both are prepared to put up with.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

Speaking for myself, DON’T HIDE YOUR SEXUALITY and communicate you WANT to be their go-to for all things sexual... not porn or another woman. And not because you HAVE to. Sometimes a husband needs “his girlfriend” not “his wife” when it comes to sex and recreational companionship. I’m implying these are the same person BTW.

The biggest things for turning on a guy, IMHO, is to show them...

1) you have a healthy sexual appetite and take a pride in your partner’s pleasure/orgasm whether you’re LD or not. If it comes off as a chore... game over. Do you want your husband to play with your kids or enjoy spending time with your kids? There’s a difference. If he “phones it in” WRT to your kids, how does that make you feel? How ‘bout having deep conversations with you? They are there but mentally elsewhere? It’s obvious... sex is no different. Don’t invalidate or avoid your partner’s intimacy language. Worst case... if sex is now “gross” or painful, talk about that in a loving and constructive way.

Side note - this is why porn is such a strong pull for men... it plugs into the male psyche of a desire for women with similar or stronger sexual appetite aimed at them with no emotional baggage. While faked and staged, porn stars portray that they get off on seeing their partner get off. Yes, I know porn is very fake and don’t advice anyone to consume it since the addictive psychological effects on male brains are real. I get excited about my wife’s orgasm, she cares if I have one but that’s it.

2) talking about sex... joke about it, share fantasizes, likes/dislikes... that’s intimacy for a guy. Communicate that you need your partner sexually, that you find them attractive, that they are special. Lest you become “just friends” or they seek validation elsewhere.

3) being desirable/receptive on a more frequent basis. Women spend months/years trying to be desirable to a partner and seeking their approval only to eventually turn that off (much like men who quit being romantic). Then they switch to seeking approval from other women. For both people, there are still plenty of other people willing to take your place regardless of how committed you are to each other. It’s the “cherish” part of most vows. Now many women will say they want men to “just take it”... but if you’re not being desirable you’re not creating any desire for your husband to take you.

4) being forward or giving “the green light”. Ladies... men DO NOT pickup on the same hints and signals you think are obvious. Men think about sex all the time but are conditioned by their partners to quit looking for it. If you go three weeks without talking or hinting about sex, most guys quit looking for hints and one of two things happen: they turn to porn or focus on other things as a replacement. “Hey, the kids are sleep, I’m going to bed” turns into meaning you can go watch Monday Night Football/porn and she’s tired. The less you talk about sex, the more forward you have to be. 



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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

aaarghdub said:


> Speaking for myself, DON’T HIDE YOUR SEXUALITY and communicate you WANT to be their go-to for all things sexual... not porn or another woman. And not because you HAVE to. Sometimes a husband needs “his girlfriend” not “his wife” when it comes to sex and recreational companionship. I’m implying these are the same person BTW.
> 
> The biggest things for turning on a guy, IMHO, is to show them...
> 
> ...



This post is TERRIFIC!!! I love how specific you are with real issues people have! 
THANKS for posting it!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

aaarghdub said:


> Speaking for myself, DON’T HIDE YOUR SEXUALITY and communicate you WANT to be their go-to for all things sexual... not porn or another woman. And not because you HAVE to. Sometimes a husband needs “his girlfriend” not “his wife” when it comes to sex and recreational companionship. I’m implying these are the same person BTW.
> 
> The biggest things for turning on a guy, IMHO, is to show them...
> 
> ...



Holy Chit ...... Great Post !!!!!!


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