# Should this be a ?? for the Guys out there?



## holbcart (Dec 28, 2010)

Ok guys?!?...I need your help...maybe you all can answer this.


Maybe you gentlemen out there can help me with what I am wanting to know. 

Here is my previous post: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...need-help-suggestions-welcome.html#post227699

I do not know if there is a problem with me or him? I do not have a problem with having sex with my husband. In fact I love sex with my husband (at least 3-4 times a week). We are very compatible in the bedroom. However, my husband shows no interest in me any other time it seems like. I don't count fondling me in the kitchen while cooking. All I am asking for is for is a date, an unexpected kiss or I love you, etc. In that area my needs are not being met so I turned down sex tonight and my husband is being an @$$ over it. I think I have a legitimate concern and I am tired of being second to his needs.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You have to be patient waiting for replies.  And maybe check out the "5 love languages" while you're waiting.

The problem seems to be with both of you, to be honest (in my opinion). You're with-holding sex because you don't feel your needs are being met (even though you sound like you enjoy sex when you have it so you're depriving both of you), and he's not making an effort to meet your needs and getting grumpy when he doesn't get what he likes. You both have legitimate concerns, but without communicating and identifying a way for you to both get your needs met, you're going to keep building frustration and resentment.

In any case, constant/continuous rejection of your husband's sexual overtures can cause a lot of resentment and frustration on his part. I speak from personal experience. But in our case, my wife didn't say why she was rejecting me, and I never communicated my resentment to her. At least you two are sort of talking about it, even if you're not dealing with it effectively. 

Oh, and his running away and taking your toys is a childish temper tantrum, but obviously we're only hearing one side of the story. 

C


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I read it on the first post, did not know what to say. It sounds like your husband has some issues of his own he needs to work through that are unrelated to sex.


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## holbcart (Dec 28, 2010)

I completely agree with you and fully understand what you are saying. You definitely have some good points and I will take those into consideration! 

Btw...I did google 5 Love Languages and purchased it online. I also took the Love Language Assesement and it was spot on! Thank you so much! I have never heard of it before. Based on the reviews I have read it is definitely a book worth 2 thumbs up!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, you're both playing a dangerous game with regards to encouraging the other spouse to look elsewhere to have their intimacy needs met. While there's no justification for either spouse to do so, the question of who's at fault may not matter as much if it happens.

C


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ah romance! Sex is so over-rated these days and romance under-rated.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would bet your primary Love Language is Physical Touch with Words of Affirmation following (wanting to hear the I love you's), and although he enjoys sex with you (all men do!) his Primary Love Language may not be Physical Touch, why it is not coming natural for him to wrap his arms around you many times a day, hug, kiss , all that touching. I see you ordered the book. If you & him can read it together, this could help you both discover what is importnat to each & work on these things. 

Great book ! If you have kids, they have a Love Lanuguage book to help us figure out what our kids are too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh it's not always natural for men to sing lovey dovey songs or fart rainbow colored butterflies outta our asses you know


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