# I ask for what I want...repeatedly told "no"



## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

I have no problem asking my man for anything I want in the sex department. The problem is...he always says no. It turns him off when I ask for anything. He thinks it isn't spontaneous. 

For the last two months, every bj I have given him has been while he watched porn except for 1. (I go down on him 4-6 times per week) well, last night I asked him if we could do it without, I miss having all of his attention while doing it. His response was "but you said I could watch it". So once again, he watched and I went to town. But I didn't enjoy it like I used too. 

I ask to have sex, I ask "hey, since you just got yours, do you mind messing around with me now?" and he laughs at me and says "no". 

I thought guys liked it when a woman asks for what she wants? I don't get it. He asks me to go down on him, rub his balls..whatever all the time. I never said no. 

It's just all about him and it is getting freaking old!!!!


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

I think he gets a kick out of manipulating and controlling you. If you want to take ownership of your sex life with him so your on equal terms perhaps you should stand your ground more.
This issue Will not magically get better by itself.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

How do I do that and not start ww3?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I hate to say this, but your husband does sound like a controlling jerk.

I've never had issues about bringing up anything in my current marriage. My first marriage, was different. My ex h was abusive and would blow up at anything. He, too, had a porn addiction. He also was unfaithful. I never ever let him control me, but he controls his current wife.

I would never stay in a marriage like that again. Personally, I'd be looking for a way to pack up and move if my husband treated me that way. I've done it in the past. He will most likely never change. Good luck.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

I am a male -- but if I was you I would just say NO right back at him. He can't have it both ways --- at least IMO.

And yes --- as a man -- I like when a woman tells what she wants --- it should help in the beginning of the relationship -- as well as open up to "new" ideas, positions, etc later

And also --- no more BJ's with porn on if I was you !!!

You should both be totally focused on each other !

Good luck !


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

jh52 said:


> no more BJ's with porn on if I was you !!!
> 
> You should both be totally focused on each other !


^ Couldn't agree more.^


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lisab0105 said:


> How do I do that and not start ww3?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you need to start ww3!


I would calmly say hey our sex life is to lopsided and it turns me off when your so selfish about my needs .....when you want to put the porn away any have some real life sex with a woman who really desires to make love to a generous partner then let me know and we can try to reconnect.


otherwisw you can just keping spanking it to porn but you need to know I am not going to live the rest of my married life like this. being lonly in a marriage sux and I could be lonly without this marriage....... but probley not for too long because there are many good men who would love to have a woman with a healthy attitude about sex someone open enough to comunicate there likes and dislikes.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I think you need to start ww3!
> 
> 
> I would calmly say hey our sex life is to lopsided and it turns me off when your so selfish about my needs .....when you want to put the porn away any have some real life sex with a woman who really desires to make love to a generous partner then let me know and we can try to reconnect.
> ...


:iagree:

This guy has no idea how Fing lucky he is to have a woman like you!

First of all, as others have said, if he isn't returning the oral favor STOP doing it for him!

if it starts WW3, so be it.

Your husband has an addiction problem. Read up addictions and get ready to confront and then be ready for the fight of your life

Trust me, it's not you!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You're enabling this behavior. I agree you need to start ww3.

Just say no.


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## jman (Jun 20, 2012)

why does he need to have a bj w/ porn playing? I don't get it...


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

What? He sounds like a child.."but you said I could watch it!" 

..and even after you asked to please him without porn running in the background, after he pouted, you gave in; no more of that.
I see that you don't want to cause trouble, but face it, the trouble is already brewing..
You might be creating a monster & I think you realize it now.

If you don't stop & reset boundaries, he's going to keep pushing further for what HE wants regardless of how you feel.
You set the standard, he's just meeting it.
However, things have gotten out of control, so go ahead now & hit reset..Sure he'll resist & pout at first but ultimately what's going on is far from fair, he should know this!
Be confident, firm, yet in a caring way, if you can..he might respond better that way.

Trust, ww3, is already starting in your head..better get it out & make things better, don't delay the inevitable.
Plus, he should respect you more for standing up for yourself! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

*btw~ you are INCREDIBLE! 4-6 BJ's/week! He's absolutely NUTS to screw with your awesomeness!
..just cut WAAAY back now, until things even out- he's spoiled right now!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I have no problem asking my man for anything I want in the sex department. The problem is...he always says no. It turns him off when I ask for anything. He thinks it isn't spontaneous.
> 
> For the last two months, every bj I have given him has been while he watched porn except for 1. (I go down on him 4-6 times per week) well, last night I asked him if we could do it without, I miss having all of his attention while doing it. His response was "but you said I could watch it". So once again, he watched and I went to town. But I didn't enjoy it like I used too.
> 
> ...


Dump him. He doesn't care for anybody but himself.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I agree with most of what the others have said. You shouldn't enable his behavior any longer.

He doesn't go down on you, you don't go down on him. Maybe you should say "You first." And he better make a real, sincere effort, not a couple of half-hearted licks.

Assuming he satisfies you, then you return the favor: but only if no porn is on.

If he wants something, you can provide it, AFTER he satisfies one of your requests.

Most men (me included) would be overjoyed with one bj a week. Heck, one a month. There's no excuse for his attitude.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

I don't even care about receiving oral. I just want my man to want to have awesome sex with me. But if the only way I can be close to him is giving, than I was happy to do it. But yeah, it's just one big power trip for him. 

He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me. 

Mind you, we are just getting through the first year to the date of his cheating on me while I was pregnant. 

He said since he no longer has to chase me, sex isnt great for him. 

Wtf am I supposed to do with that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I have no problem asking my man for anything I want in the sex department. The problem is...he always says no. It turns him off when I ask for anything. He thinks it isn't spontaneous.
> 
> For the last two months, every bj I have given him has been while he watched porn except for 1. (I go down on him 4-6 times per week) well, last night I asked him if we could do it without, I miss having all of his attention while doing it. His response was "but you said I could watch it". So once again, he watched and I went to town. But I didn't enjoy it like I used too.
> 
> ...


WTF turn that **** off and tell him to quit it. It is okay to watch porn together but when it comes down to the deed turn that **** off. If he whines about it then just stop what you are doing and tell him either turn it off or he can get HIMSELF off. My wife thinks I like to watch porn and I don't really. I watch it on occasion but when I am with her that **** is so fake it isn't even worth watching.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I don't even care about receiving oral. I just want my man to want to have awesome sex with me. But if the only way I can be close to him is giving, than I was happy to do it. But yeah, it's just one big power trip for him.
> 
> He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me.
> 
> ...


You're obviously making it too easy for him by doing everything he wants and getting nothing in return.

If you start saying "no" and saying "we do what I want first or not at all" will make it less easy, more of a challenge, AND will establish your boundaries for a more mutually satisfying sex life.

If you give him everything all the time even when he's an ass and treats you like his personal sex slave, he has no reason to try to do anything to make you feel good.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Mind you, we are just getting through the first year to the date of his cheating on me while I was pregnant.


Egads. What a cad he is.

What other ways has he treated you with disrespect?


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I read your other threads and they are full of red flags. Think twice before deciding to go forward with this guy. Then think twice more. Don't do it if you have ANY doubts.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I don't even care about receiving oral. I just want my man to want to have awesome sex with me. But if the only way I can be close to him is giving, than I was happy to do it. But yeah, it's just one big power trip for him.
> 
> He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me.
> 
> ...


I would of left at the cheating. My ex h cheated on me too. I packed my baby, clothes and off we went. My ex tried very hard to control me, but I am not to be controlled or told what to do, ever.

Your husband has zero respect for you. There are so much better men out there for you. I found a better man and he has always put my needs before his own. He took in my child as his own and taught her how she is suppose to be treated. 

You should never have to work hard at pleasing your spouse, so they don't cheat. I do agree he has a porn addiction and needs anger management classes. 

When I left my ex, I made sure he completed parenting classes, anger management, and drug treatment before he had supervised visits with my baby. Eventually when my child was old enough, he was able to take her alone. I should of put up a bigger fight to stop visitation. He destroyed her emotionally.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Stop blowing him.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I don't even care about receiving oral. I just want my man to want to have awesome sex with me. But if the only way I can be close to him is giving, than I was happy to do it. But yeah, it's just one big power trip for him.
> 
> He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me.
> 
> ...


Ok. Stop whining. Just back off. If he approaches you, say sure. right after you do "x" and no porn. Simple as that.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I honestly don`t know why women put up with these idiots.

To the Op...

Do you know why I don`t treat my wife the way your husband treats you?(Other than the fact that I`m not an *******)

I don`t treat my wife that way because I`d lose her, she`s not taking that ****....not even once would she take what you seem to take repeatedly without a fuss.

Respect yourself and others will respect you as well.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Secure men are not afraid (and in fact love it) when their female partners initiate, tell them what they want and what feels good, and ask for things in bed. Insecure men see it as a challenge to their lovemaking abilities, and see it as an insult. "I'm a man! I KNOW how to please a woman". Well stud, don't let something some girl in high school told you influence you so much...

I cannot fathom watching porn while my W is giving me a bj. What in the world? When that's happening, the only thing I want to see is her doing what she does so damn well.

I hate to say it, but it seems as though he's treating you nothing more than a "hands free masturbation sleeve". 

Time for you to stand your ground lady. The majority of men out there would kill for someone so interested in sex, and with the ability to "give" and be open about sex. My gawd...4 bj's a week!!!! I am ecstatic with the average of about 1 every week or so (to completion...it's a bit more often as part of the "warming up" prior to lovemaking thing).

And this whole "NO" thing...man, that grates on me. My W slipped the other day without realizing it, and when I tried to initiate, she said "No". I let it go. A while later "No" again. I did not initiate anything with her for 3 days after that. Finally she was like "hey....why haven't we had sex?" I said because I tried a couple times, and apparently she forgot how to be polite to me in turning me down, so she would not get the benefit of my trying again until she remembered how to be polite to me. 

A "no" is b.s. That is flat out rejection. If you're not in the mood or there is no time at the moment, then there are better ways. Like "baby...hold that thought until later. Right now my stomach doesn't feel good (or I have to do this, or whatever)." Or "oh hon, not right now (insert reason), but can I have a rain check for later tonight or tomorrow?!!!" It is just simple courtesy with the one you supposedly care about most. When things get complacent and people get taken for granted is when this "no" stuff starts (assuming all else is well in the relationship). That is a very early warning sign for me, and I address it right away. I'll not be made to feel that sex (in general) is something I want more than she does (timing being off excepted), and if she starts treating me that way, she'll find out quick just how long I can easily go without.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I don't even care about receiving oral. I just want my man to want to have awesome sex with me. But if the only way I can be close to him is giving, than I was happy to do it. But yeah, it's just one big power trip for him.
> 
> He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me.
> 
> ...


You are supposed to learn to stop what you are doing and do something completely different. If what you are doing is not working… to continue doing it is insanity.

Stop giving him blow jobs when he’s looking at porn. All you are doing is encouraging him to use porn and use you. You are teaching him that this is an ok way to treat you.

I think your take has been that you have to do more to keep him, to make sure he does not cheat, etc. Not working is it? 

Stop doing anything for him until he’s done a LOT for you. Make him chase you.. make him have to work for those goodies like a bj. In your case you have spoiled him to the point of allowing his selfish/controlling nature take over.

If his gross use and disrespect of you does not stop on the dime you really do need to leave this man. He’s selfish, controlling and down right mean.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me.
> 
> He said since he no longer has to chase me, sex isnt great for him.
> 
> AHole said WHAT??????


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

You should pour hot soup on his penis if he won't turn off the porn while you're giving him a BJ. Bet he wouldn't laugh at that.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't condone at all what he is saying/doing, but AFTER he gets off isn't the time for you to be looking for yours. Get him going and before he finishes tell him that you want to watch porn and have him take care of you. Once you get yours, you can finish him off.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> I don't condone at all what he is saying/doing, but AFTER he gets off isn't the time for you to be looking for yours. Get him going and before he finishes tell him that you want to watch porn and have him take care of you. Once you get yours, you can finish him off.


Oh, I know the only thing a guy really wants to do when done is well...nothing lol. So when he asks for his bj, I say well, how about we mess around first or sething alluding too sex first. Sometimes, just to see if he is alive I'll say babe, can you f••& my brains out first.... I get a laugh and im not in the mood for you that way. 

Anyway, so last night he started in on me about my lackluster house cleaning skills and told me that if I dont keep the house cleaner, he will leave me. To which I replied ok, stop being a selfish prick in the bedroom and I wont leave you. So we got into my issues with him and his response was ,"fine, so dont give me head" as opposed to "I'm sorry that I have not been paying more attention". He said he cant force himself to have an erection for me. Oh and that because I do orgasm multiple times when we do have sex, it should sustain me for tje week. Every 3 I have in intercourse, he gets blowjobs the next two nights with nothing for me... 

This man is just not that into me and it breaks my heart. 

Sorry for the gramatical errors, typing on my phone sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I don't even care about receiving oral. I just want my man to want to have awesome sex with me. But if the only way I can be close to him is giving, than I was happy to do it. But yeah, it's just one big power trip for him.
> 
> He says the more I whine about not getting any the less he wants me.
> 
> ...



I would say with that comment..and that comment alone..make his butt chase you.Play hard to get. You have been offering BJ's on a silver platter......No more it ends today my dear take back the sexual dominance in the relationship and if he turns to porn well...so be it you finally see what he holds above you.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Ugh- I'm so sorry! How completely frustrating that must be..
Are you married? If not, it's a good time to start formulating your 'move on' plan..
You are a gem & deserve WORLD's better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lisab0105 said:


> Oh, I know the only thing a guy really wants to do when done is well...nothing lol. So when he asks for his bj, I say well, how about we mess around first or sething alluding too sex first. Sometimes, just to see if he is alive I'll say babe, can you f••& my brains out first.... I get a laugh and im not in the mood for you that way.
> 
> Anyway, so last night he started in on me about my lackluster house cleaning skills and told me that if I dont keep the house cleaner, he will leave me. To which I replied ok, stop being a selfish prick in the bedroom and I wont leave you. So we got into my issues with him and his response was ,"fine, so dont give me head" as opposed to "I'm sorry that I have not been paying more attention". He said he cant force himself to have an erection for me. Oh and that because I do orgasm multiple times when we do have sex, it should sustain me for tje week. Every 3 I have in intercourse, he gets blowjobs the next two nights with nothing for me...
> 
> ...


start distancing your self from him and saving money on the sly..... the party is over and his true colors are showing.


do you really want to spend the rest of your life with an a$$hole like him?


you sound like a very well grounded all around good catch ....set your standards higher when looking for your next partner!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Trust, you'll have LOADS of support from us, here!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> start distancing your self from him and saving money on the sly..... the party is over and his true colors are showing.


If only she had a secret bank account already in place huh?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Wow

Your man is a real piece of work! He is abusive and manipulative. 

So tell us again, what's so great about him???


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

tacoma said:


> If only she had a secret bank account already in place huh?


if only she made good decissions in the first place!!!!!!


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Look, I know you care about the guy but, Lose this douche bag!

WOW! He's selfish as hell! Girl, there are other guys in the world that will show you the love and attention that you deserve. I don't get BJ's in my marriage. But, if my wife pulled it out and started going to town, she would have my FULL ATTENTION!!! Then after, she would have my car, my wallet, my credit cards and whatever the hell else she wanted.....


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> if only she made good decissions in the first place!!!!!!


He wasn't like this until I got pregnant last year...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

> I thought guys liked it when a woman asks for what she wants?


Some do, some don't. Personally, I don't but I do want to fulfill her needs. 

Have the "what I need from you" sex talk sometime when you're not trying to get sex right then. Don't have it when you're both amped up.

With that said, stop giving him BJs while he watches porn. That's just ridiculous. Of course he doesn't appreciate it...it's not you giving him the BJ.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

update I guess...

So we are still at the sex 3 times in two weeks deal. Day before yesterday, middle of the afternoon, I get naked, jump into bed and send him a dirty text telling him to come play...

I get an I am too tired tired text reply back.

Yesterday, I go to work. Come home later that day and I see from the computer history that he not only watched porn and got off once, but twice within an hour. And he was looking up private browsers. 

When I confronted him, basically he said that if I was out of the house everyday, he would watch porn and jerk multiple times a day...but he wouldn't want to have sex with me like that if I was home. He also implied he would rather give up blow jobs than give up porn. He does not care about my happiness nor making me feel good about us. 

He said, wouldn't you rather I look at porn than cheat? 

First of all, he was looking at porn during the time he did cheat on me, and he was looking at porn everyday he tried to get some ***** on craigslist to meet up with him. Porn is not a substitute for cheating...for some, like my fiance, it is just a gateway, a carrot leading back into that horrible place we were at last year. 

I am giving him a challenge, a dare I guess...no porn at all for 30 days and we have to have sex at least once a day for each of those 30 days. If his need for porn is so big he can't do that...than he obviously is not the guy for me and I am not the woman for him. I don't want a man that needs porn to not cheat. I don't want a man that needs porn period..especially needing and wanting it over being with me.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Lisa:

Your husband is one disturbed man. He would rather watch porn and masturbate then make love/have sex/bang his wife.

Just wondering -- you said this changed when you got pregnant.

If this is true he needs IC -- because maybe in his mind he see's you now in a different light then being his wife and lover. He may see you only as a mother.

This is just my opinion.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jh52 said:


> Lisa:
> 
> Your husband is one disturbed man. He would rather watch porn and masturbate then make love/have sex/bang his wife.
> 
> ...


I was thinking something similar. I want to congratulate you for giving your marriage such a chance as you have. That takes courage, especially when so many would like it to fail. I hope you two get things figured out, whatever that may turn out to be. There is more to this problem. He does not seem to have the courage to confront it. What has he said when you asked him when and how this porn thing started? Good luck.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

He has been watching it since he was a teenager. 

He talks about it like it is a relationship. He has been more faithful to his porn habit than he has to me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Leave him. This is nasty, abusive behavior.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Sorry to hear that Lisa.

This again is my opinion:

Since you have been dealing with this since before the marriage -- you know what you were getting and thought that you could change him. I guess that is probably what alot of women would have thought as well -- since the choice is --watching porn -- or being with my wife --- or a little of each together.

Unfortunately he is not going to change -- his mind is only on his porn and not you.

You have to take a very strong stand on this -- and just lay it out -- either he gets help with you in working on your marriage -- especially intimacy -- or as the marriage is over.

Idle threats will do no good -- you will have to draw a line in the sand -- and stick to it.

I know this may sound extreme --- but do you really want to be married the rest of your life to a man who wants porn over you. 

If you were to stay in the marriage -- I can maybe see you being an excellent candidate to have an affair -- to a man who shows you some attention. I am not saying you have no morals - and you probably say -- jh you are so full of sh!t -- I could never cheat -- but if you think that is the case -- go visit the CWI forum on this site.

Good luck Lisa !!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi lisa ~

Porn can be quite the quagmire of quicksand for many a man that falls in to it. The issue is that HE will have to be the one who is willing to change his habits.

YOU can help by setting up some personal boundaries and abiding by them - things like:
1) Do not engage in sexual activity, like a BJ, while he is watching porn - just say NO to that. He likely isn't focusing on you at all during these times and it is not about making it a mutual experience in his mind.
2) Pull back on the initiation - it can come off as too needy and he seems to be caught in a very selfish snare right now. His ignoring your needs speaks volumes about how he feels about your relationship. Protect your self-respect by not chasing around after a man who seems to not care.
3) Look at ways that you can improve your lot in life. Do you work? If not, do you have a skill where you can get a job and support yourself? Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends? What do you want to do with your life?

Best wishes.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

This sounds like it's not even about porn. It's about her husband treating her like crap. He cheated.... he is supposed to care enough about HER to work his butt off to make HER feel wanted, loved, desired, etc... 

If he can't do that.... and he pretty much said that he will not.... then she is wasting her time with a man who really doesn't care about her.

First of all, life is too short to even try to "fix" him. You didn't break him, you cannot fix him. 

Second, you want your children to see that this is how marriage is supposed to be? This is how a man treats the woman he is supposed to love and cherish? 

Start figuring out how to just walk away. You don't NEED this guy. He does nothing to bring joy or love to you and your life. 

Why do you stay?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> He has been watching it since he was a teenager.
> 
> He talks about it like it is a relationship. He has been more faithful to his porn habit than he has to me.


From reading your posts, you have two issues. One is his use of porn, the other is the nasty way he treats you. There is some connection between the two. But his treatment of you has to change too.

I have read that there are many guys today that have used porn since they were teens and they now have a problem functioning in a relationship. It's apparently extremely common.

The solution that is being prescribed is 3 months of not using porn at all. And that after that period of time the guys are able to function in a normal relationship.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Start working on getting yourself ready to leave him. 
Make a plan and get er done!


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> From reading your posts, you have two issues. One is his use of porn, the other is the nasty way he treats you. There is some connection between the two. But his treatment of you has to change too.
> 
> I have read that there are many guys today that have used porn since they were teens and they now have a problem functioning in a relationship. It's apparently extremely common.
> 
> The solution that is being prescribed is 3 months of not using porn at all. And that after that period of time the guys are able to function in a normal relationship.


I would say there is a much bigger issue than either of the two mentioned above and that issue is you.

Why did you marry such a selfish, abusive man? Why were you attracted to this piece of crap in the first place?

Sure, you can be the victim here, but my main concern is that when you leave this relationship, you're just going to be attracted to another man just like him. Time to stop the cycle.

This is up to you but it's going to take personal work on your part and most likely therapy and support. Best of success.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> *btw~ you are INCREDIBLE! 4-6 BJ's/week! He's absolutely NUTS to screw with your awesomeness!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't had a decent one in 4 - 6 months. What a dumba$$ he is.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Oh, I know the only thing a guy really wants to do when done is well...nothing lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If he was a caring lover, it shouldn't matter. There have been plenty of times that my wife felt she couldn't have an orgasm through oral and just wanted to have sex. Loe and behold when we are finished, she is now worked up and feels differently. What am I to do, leave her like that? Fvck no. I then use my tongue for the third most important thing it can do and leave her satisfied (after a little courteousy wash down there).


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

So I ask again tonight if he was in the mood...he said not really. I asked if it's because he jerked off again to porn while I was at work? He lies at first, but admits it when I ask to see his phone history. He than throws a glass of water at me. I go upstairs to get away from him and he followse up, walks in the door and throws another glass of water at me....said I need to cool down. 

I told him we were done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

What a a-hole thing to do. 
O don't know if uve tried counseling yet perhaps exhaust all your options. 
Good luck and sorry u are enduring this.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I consider his throwing water in your face physical abuse. and if you don't, just know that the next step will be for him to hurt you with his hands. I would be surprised if he hasn't already.

I went back and read your other threads and all I can say is please please please start right now devising a plan to get away from him. He will not change. If not for yourself, do it for you children. You cannot tell me his selfish as*hole behavior doesn't extend to the children as well. I am sad for all of you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I ask to have sex, I ask "hey, since you just got yours, do you mind messing around with me now?" and he laughs at me and says "no".


Ew.  

I am sorry. 

Tell him how you feel. And stop giving if he isn't reciprocating so he can know how it feels. It's no fair!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> So I ask again tonight if he was in the mood...he said not really. I if it's because he jerked off again to porn while I was at work? He lies at first, byt admits it when I ask to see his phone history. He than throws a glass of water at me. I go upstairs to get away from hom and he followse up, walks in the door and throws another glass of water at me....said I need to cool down.
> 
> I told him we were done.


This is not ok. Ever. 

Sounds like he's a real peach.

I wouldn't be dealing with that at all. 

You've told him you are done so now follow through.

I am betting there are a lot more nasty things he does to you and the way he talks to you and treats you.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This is not ok. Ever.
> 
> Sounds like he's a real peach.
> 
> ...


I am honest when I say that he has never done anything like this before.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> I am honest when I say that he has never done anything like this before.


can you share some positive things about him. things he does that make you feel special and loved?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> I have no problem asking my man for anything I want in the sex department. The problem is...he always says no. It turns him off when I ask for anything. He thinks it isn't spontaneous.
> 
> For the last two months, every bj I have given him has been while he watched porn except for 1. (I go down on him 4-6 times per week) well, last night I asked him if we could do it without, I miss having all of his attention while doing it. His response was "but you said I could watch it". So once again, he watched and I went to town. But I didn't enjoy it like I used too.
> 
> ...


1. Stop asking for sex.
2. Turn off the porn.
3. Stop asking for sex.
4. Say "no" when he asks you to go down on him!!
5. Stop asking for sex.
6. If you initiate by going down on him, then finish by getting on top of him, then change positions, get him into it.
7. Stop asking for sex.
8. Make it more about you!!
9. Stop asking for sex.
10. Wait for him to come to you, turn him down for a BJ, but go another route. "Sex" is not all about BJs.

Oh and did I mention *stop asking for sex*? Major turn off....for men and women!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> So I ask again tonight if he was in the mood...he said not really. I asked if it's because he jerked off again to porn while I was at work? He lies at first, but admits it when I ask to see his phone history. He than throws a glass of water at me. I go upstairs to get away from him and he followse up, walks in the door and throws another glass of water at me....said I need to cool down.
> 
> I told him we were done.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:wtf: 

You need to leave this man.............now! He has anger issues, porn issues, lack of emotion (other than anger) issues. He obviously cares nothing about you. He's selfish and he's a coward!

Throwing TWO glasses of water on you? :nono: Please follow through on your words, do it for yourself and baby!


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> So I ask again tonight if he was in the mood...he said not really. I asked if it's because he jerked off again to porn while I was at work? He lies at first, but admits it when I ask to see his phone history. He than throws a glass of water at me. I go upstairs to get away from him and he followse up, walks in the door and throws another glass of water at me....said I need to cool down.
> 
> I told him we were done.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This man is a sick individual, he is manipulating....He has needs that he satisfies without you and then has the nerve to tell you to COOL off for wanting to sleep with your husband? You need to regain your self confidence and put some space into the two of you. I know it's gonna be hard but something needs to change and he needs a wake up call and sometimes distance is whats best even if temp.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

I have been put off by my wife asking to do things sometimes. This happens when we have been cuddling, she suddenly wants me inside of her. I need a bit more warmup, I LOVE foreplay (to touch her, excite her), if I'm not warmed up, her request to "come on in" may fail. I'd be thrilled to go down on her-- she goes down on me, but has some aversion to being touched. Probably some bad history, but she shuns attempts to talk about it. It took me two years to work up to a (nearly) full-body massage (no breasts or stomach). I would be thrilled to be able to cuddle behind her and cup her breasts. For me, the touching and exciting of a woman is the biggest turn on. Trying to get down to the main event too soon is not exciting at all. 

I wish my wife would talk with me about lovemaking. What she likes to do, have done, and visa versa. 

When I've told my wife that I get turned on by touching and exciting a woman, she says that activity is more about me than her (and asks me to stop). 

I wish I could get her past what seems like a mental block. She is a bit of a control freak, and I expect that she has very particular ways she likes to be touched, and that it bothers her if someone else is taking control. I understand that. It took me a while to let myself come easily when I was receiving a bj from her. I had to really force myself to sit back and let her work (and she's VERY talented). I developed some issues from my EX who would DEMAND 1:1 parity on orgasms. My wife is much more into the let's do you this time, me next time. She doesn't keep as much of a tally as my ex did.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

You give him head as he watches porn. Check.

He doesn't want to have sex with you. Check.

He's cheated on you before. Check.

He's threatened to leave you if you don't clean the house. Check.

He'd rather have porn in his life than any sexual activity with you. Check.

He's not into you post-pregnancy. Check.

It's over. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for you, this man has checked out. Before this fool started throwing glasses of water at you, and laughing at you when you ask for the sex that you're entitled to, he was already gone. He is no longer attracted to you, if he ever was to begin with.

You need to cut this man loose and find somebody who truly appreciates you, and finds you sexy and beautiful. I guarantee you that this man does not. He's basically using your mouth as a masturbation tool, while imagining other women and sexual situations. He's gone, and has been gone likely for quite awhile.


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

Personally, I'd cut him off till he started giving back. That's so not fair!


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