# Confused...Please Advise



## c11711 (Mar 6, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for 6 years and have been together for 11. We have a 4 year old son together. She is always telling me to "leave" and that she wants a divorce. I don't know what to do all of her negative feelings really have me doubting our marriage. She tells me im "worthless" and she hates me and that I disgust her to even look at. Yet I still come home I feel guilty leaving my son!! Finally after about a month of the " I hate you's" and "I want a divorce" I met with an attorney just to see what my options were as far as child support and maintence. She found out I went and it started yet another fight. I firmly believe that this is what she wants but just wants me to leave and file so that she doesnt look bad. Why would she always tell me to leave and she wants a divorce if she really wants to make this work?????


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## myerssasha (Mar 6, 2010)

jeez hun that is a tough one.. she sounds like me.. she is probably stubborn, hard headed, and more of the controlling one in the relationship and Im sure she has been hurt in the past. Some times I am really mean to my husband and for something really stupid, and I dont understand why I do it to him. If you think that she truly and honestly loves you for you and not because of the kid then maybe counseling. or just learn to deal with it like my husband has. He knows that I am a ***** and when I get in one of my moods to just leave the room and give me my space. 

try reconnecting with her. take her on a short yet inexpensive vacation and surprise her. maybe you will find something is really bothering her when she is more relaxed. 

good luck! she is still a good women she is just like me, confused on how to react to certain things and takes it to the extreme!


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## cimunique (Mar 6, 2010)

she want's change not for u to leave. maybe she is having low self-esteem and she is taking it out on u . may-be u do need to change. i do believe for the sake of the child being brought up in a happy home . just maybe u guys r to go to a therapist. ur wife could have went and saw an atorney just as u did, but she did not. and instead of wondering or thinking what she wants , why don't u ask her. if she says, if u can't change..... she needs u to make a change . sometimes this go both ways ... my grannie always told me u sometimes have to give in a little to get a whole lot. think about it .... if nothing else see if u both can come up with a compromise about change and give it 6 mths to a year. no change then u can say at least u tried... the best part u may look like a hero and save ur family.


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## prestonspinay (Mar 5, 2010)

cimunique said:


> she want's change not for u to leave. maybe she is having low self-esteem and she is taking it out on u . may-be u do need to change. i do believe for the sake of the child being brought up in a happy home . just maybe u guys r to go to a therapist. ur wife could have went and saw an atorney just as u did, but she did not. and instead of wondering or thinking what she wants , why don't u ask her. if she says, if u can't change..... she needs u to make a change . sometimes this go both ways ... my grannie always told me u sometimes have to give in a little to get a whole lot. think about it .... if nothing else see if u both can come up with a compromise about change and give it 6 mths to a year. no change then u can say at least u tried... the best part u may look like a hero and save ur family.


Wow she sounds just like me. I agree with some of these replies. I too did the same thing on my hubby except I broke things. So here it goes deep down while I had this phase I went to seek counseling for myself trying to figure out why the hell am I acting like a ***** over small stupid things. It came down to I was left at the age of 16 and pregnant and my husband is the first man I loved since the incident. So what I am trying to say is maybe is something go on with her that she just can't quiet make out yet. So don't give up I know she loves you. In the meantime I agree to the first response do something nice out of norm for her. Woo her for all she needs is the feeling you care and she might just open up. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## prestonspinay (Mar 5, 2010)

Wow she sounds just like me. I agree with some of these replies. I too did the same thing on my hubby except I broke things. So here it goes deep down while I had this phase I went to seek counseling for myself trying to figure out why the hell am I acting like a ***** over small stupid things. It came down to I was left at the age of 16 and pregnant and my husband is the first man I loved since the incident. So what I am trying to say is maybe is something go on with her that she just can't quiet make out yet. So don't give up I know she loves you. In the meantime I agree to the first response do something nice out of norm for her. Woo her for all she needs is the feeling you care and she might just open up. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## c11711 (Mar 6, 2010)

Thanks for the replies, I failed to mention also that my wife also hits me I have never layed a hand on her however i am guilty of throwing things usually after she has unleased on me. Tonight we got into it again luckily our son was not home it's a constant power struggle. I really don't know what to do we are doing counseling however she states that she will not go to our next appointment which is this tues. I try to get her to understand that I could have her arrested for the abuse that she gives me. I just can't seem to get her to tell me what she really wants. If she wants me to change im not sure what it is she wants changed, it is very hard to just ignore the constant I hate yous and the physcial abuse as well. She says that the reason she attacks me is because she just wants space and im always trying to talk to figure out how to resolve the issue


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