# Not interested in this relationship anymore



## Nikita (Jan 7, 2009)

Hello,

I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I have everything that I think a woman would want. A baby, a loving husband, a job. I just had my baby boy about 7 weeks ago and have been having alot of anxiety, depression, anger and alot of desperation. Im an active duty member in the military and my husband is a german immigrant who is currently here in the US with a visa. He gave his life up in germany to be with me here. He had a nice paying job, a car, his own apartment and everything going on for him before coming to the US. Now he is pretty much depending on me. 

Lately, I have just been angry. Not at him but just bitter at my life. I keep thinking what is best for my son and that every decision I should make should be for his benefit and not of my own. I want to make sure he has a home and food and does not ever have to worry about not having much. Its tough for me right now because I only have 10 months left in the service. I honestly want to get out, but the benefits are too good. I have insurance that covers all my family, I can go to school and I have a steady paycheck. Not enough to support three though. Im just tired of all the political end of it. And the suspenses!

My husband has been trying to find a job, but he has had no luck. I dont know if Im angry because I feel he does not bring anything to the table, other than he cooks, has taken care of the baby while I started back at work last week and maintains the house or if its that I just dont care about him.

I sometimes feel that there is no purpose for him to be here. I know he is unhappy here because he has no friends, no job, no life really other than being a "house wife". I feel sometimes that I dont need him and I can handle everything on my own. He is more the affectionate dependable type and I am more of the independent, dont need you or anybody type. Even though I dont like being on my own.

Latley I have been going off on him. When he responds and tells me to work on my attitude, I just explode and tell him heartlessly to go back to Germany. He told me a while ago I remind him of his mom. His mom and dad had divorced and it has affected my husband's childhood. I told him to go back so he does not have to deal with it. 

I am going to be honest, I love him, but I cant change. And I feel miserable and stuck and alone. When he tries to share something with me, I just dont care. I wish I did, but I dont. I have all these personal issues going through my head, like my baby, and should I get out of the military, and if I am going to be able to find a job, and where would we go to. The list keeps going. What should I do? Is this post partum depression?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It could be postpartum depression. Have you talked to your doctor?


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

I'm going to be brutally honest here, but it sounds like you can handle it.

I agree, it could be post partum depression.

First thing you said


> I am going to be honest, I love him, but I cant change.


That's a Bull$h!t cop-out answer. You can change, you just don't want to. If you don't love him anymore, that's one thing, but driving him away because "you can't change" is BS in my opinion.

2nd. I give your husband a lot of credit for what he has done. Look around the forum and see how many husbands when they can't find a job sit around, *****, moan, play games, watch porn, etc. etc. etc. He's doing what he can. 

3rd. You talk about how miserable your husband is because of no job, no friends, etc. How about a wife that acts like she doesn't want him and tells him to "Go Back To Germany" That would wear on my mood as well, especially after all of the sacrifices he's made for you. You better figure out what you want with him, because if you wait to long and you decide you want to be with him, he might already be gone if this crap keeps up.

4th. You talk about how you want what's best for your baby. Having a father not high on that list? Look, I could take care of my kids by myself too, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to drop my spouse out of the picture because of it... Like I said, if you REALLY don't love him or don't want to be with him, that's one thing, but the "Well, I don't need him..." stuff is a bunch of crap. 



I'm normally not this brash about things, but you keep talking about the things you are dealing with. I would have 2 comments here. First, your husband is dealing with a lot of things too, and Second, most of this stuff are things that you could (or even SHOULD) be discussing with your husband. 

I think you need to figure out if you do have some post pardum thing going on. Then, you need to figure out if you really love your husband or not. If Yes, you need to work on some things with yourself here because you are driving him away. If NO, then you need to tell him. Of course, if you keep doing what you are doing, he'll leave soon enough anyway, but that would be a real crappy way of going about it.


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## b8ulad (Jan 26, 2009)

You married your husband because why....? Because you love him and you committed to being there for one another through the good and the bad. You need to turn to your husband for support and guidance. Its not about needing someone its about wanting to share your life with him. And you are clearly not doing that. You have all these questions in your head all these doubts floating around, about your career your love life, your health! Your husband should be who you should be consulting with about these things. Try to turn to him and open up and let down your walls. Give him an opportunity to be there for you and support you and help you. This is the time to see how strong your marriage is. If still you feel he is not quite measuring up. Seek counseling, marriage counseling. And please stop belittleing him and telling him to go back to Germany. You are being very selfish. #1 though should definitely be to speak to your Dr. about post partum depression. #2nd Lean on your husband, what have you got to lose?


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I agree, it really sounds like part of your feelings could be Post-Partum Depression. It's something a LOT of women go thru and if you can get help for that, then you may find some of your anger, annoyance and apathy towards your husband disappears. 

And a word of advice, please do NOT call him a "house-wife". My husband is at home with the kids while I work full time (he has a PT route at night so he can be home) and I think just about the most demeaning, emasculating thing I or anyone could do is to call him a housewife. He is still a man, the man in the relationship, your roles just are not traditional at this point in time. 
You married him for a reason. You need to remember that reason. Encourage him to get out when you are home from work, and explore his new environment. He needs to find some interests here and he will begin to feel better about things too. Good luck!!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

investigate post-partum depression. it's real, and you display signs, from a layman's standpoint.


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