# At what point do you say he's a pushover???



## blown away (Feb 19, 2009)

Ladies:

I have seen on various threads comments about losing respect for your husband. I can see this to a point but woudl like some input as to at what point do you consider him a pushover. 

I have always tried to put her before me and do what she wants and maybe that is part of the problem. What do you think??


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

my H used to be a pushover. he had such a hard time saying no to me. i would consider him a push over if on a regular basis he did things for me that he didnt really want to do.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

If your wife is being unreasonable, nagging, degrading, disrespectful...and you nod and say 'yes, dear. ok, dear.' just to avoid an argument....you are in pushover territory.

Doing loving things for your wife (IMO) is a great thing. Losing yourself in the marriage because your wife is over-bearing has the opposite affect.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You are a pushover when maintaining peace in the marriage becomes more important than how you feel about things. Sacrificing yourself just for the sake of calm is a poor long-term strategy. Decide what issues you want to stand your ground on, and don't hesitate to "table" a discussion or argument until you know how you feel about something. Then, if your wife "punishes" you for taking a stand, tell her that the marriage needs to be two-way, give and take, and you want counseling to help the two of you learn that. Follow through. If you always avoid confrontation, she'll lose respect. If you go passive-aggressive (saying ok about something but then undermining it), she'll also lose respect. 

Finding the balance between "standing your ground" and becoming inflexible is important, too, and anyone who is uncertain of his/her positions and/or insecure about him/herself or the relationship is at risk of swinging from one extreme to the other--pushover to bully. Neither is good. 

One thing that becomes apparent really quickly is whether or not you have the same level of commitment in, or need for, the relationship. I think my husband knew on some level that I'd leave rather than give in on some things, so he never stood his ground on anything, and I lost respect for him. I was pretty thoughtful, but I also knew that I could have my way any time I wanted. This made him look weak. The imbalance was because I was more secure in myself and willing to be alone; he wasn't. Still, his strategy ended up leading to divorce, anyway, so he might as well have stood his ground sometimes--maybe I'd have been happier if he had. I don't know.


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