# MY husband doesn't want me (A sexless marriage)



## Frances2013 (Dec 18, 2012)

My husband and i got marriedabout 5 years ago. When we moved into together he stopped having sex with me completely. he always came up with an excuse. He was too tired. Didn't lke having sex during the day, anything. We have fought about sex constantly. He always promises he will change. He wants our marriage to work. he wants to woo me back. Year after year it is the same comments and no action. We now have a baby (One of the times i can count on one hand) However, i am getting older and i feel that i am wasting my life. It has been 5 years of no sex, of any excuse. Tonight i was joking around touching him. he kept telling me don't touch me. I put my hands down his pants and he got angry and yanked my hand out hand. We argued and i said he must be gay. He said he didn't like me saying he has an extra part. Anyway really it is any excuse. I am used to the excuses and tired of them. I want to feel loved and wanted. I feel ugly and unattractive. I really feel it was the worst mistake marrying him. My daughter is the only good thing that has come out of my marriage. It is sad i used to be confident about my looks and now i feel terrible about myself.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Frances2013 said:


> My husband and i got marriedabout 5 years ago. When we moved into together he stopped having sex with me completely. he always came up with an excuse. He was too tired. Didn't lke having sex during the day, anything. We have fought about sex constantly. He always promises he will change. He wants our marriage to work. he wants to woo me back. Year after year it is the same comments and no action. We now have a baby (One of the times i can count on one hand) However, i am getting older and i feel that i am wasting my life. It has been 5 years of no sex, of any excuse. Tonight i was joking around touching him. he kept telling me don't touch me. I put my hands down his pants and he got angry and yanked my hand out hand. We argued and i said he must be gay. He said he didn't like me saying he has an extra part. Anyway really it is any excuse. I am used to the excuses and tired of them. I want to feel loved and wanted. I feel ugly and unattractive. I really feel it was the worst mistake marrying him. My daughter is the only good thing that has come out of my marriage. It is sad i used to be confident about my looks and now i feel terrible about myself.


sounds like you reached your breaking point.
most people do not change unless there is very real consequences to pay if they don't conform.

try to enjoy the holidays as best you can then start an exit plan after the holidays!


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I second that. Don't waste your life away, the guy sounds like a bum. I don't get the sex I want either but in almost all other aspects of my marriage my wife is awesome but that doesn't sound like the case in your marriage...


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

It sounds like your main approach to getting laid has been to nag your husband, fight with him over it, and make mean comments about his sexuality. This just confirms his belief that he is the center of your universe and therefore has no need to change.

I think you would be better advised to start improving yourself, getting your act together; physical, emotional, financial, professional. When he sees you spreading your wings and getting ready to take off he will want and need to give you what you want. Or he won't, then you just leave.


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## mkp (Dec 19, 2012)

I have been in a similar situation for just about the same amount of time. I have no solution, or else I wouldn't be here. But, perhaps something that didn't work for me may work for you. 
Have you tried dressing up? Have you discussed fantasies and tried to fulfill his? Have you tried giving him some space about it (sometimes the stress of arguing and pressure to have sex makes it worse)? Have you tried watching pornography together? Have you tried finding a separate hobby (thus showing you in a different light and distracting you from the issue)? Have you all tried dating each other again? Has he gone to a doctor? 

Again, none of that plus hundreds of other things haven't worked for me, but I hope it does for you. I know how you feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is he doing to get his sexual needs met? Most men do not voluntarily go 5 years without some kind of sexual release.


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## heaodfrant (Dec 19, 2012)

This just confirms his belief that he is the center of your universe and therefore has no need to change.


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## dan_1982JB (Dec 20, 2012)

If you still love him and want your relationship works should searh professional help.
your husband has a problem and he can not tell you .I am sure he wanna but it must be very difficult.
i am not talking about be gay,can be many things : he sees you as her mom ,and mom are sexles...

i hope it solve


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

If you keep stressing him out with these pressure tactics like touching him all the time, putting a hand down his pants or wondering out loud if he is Gay he will never respond to you sexually at all, ever.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr B said:


> If you keep stressing him out with these pressure tactics like touching him all the time, putting a hand down his pants or wondering out loud if he is Gay he will never respond to you sexually at all, ever.


After 5 years of no sex one might wonder.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You're frustrated beyond your breaking point. He isn't getting the idea. Either he's getting his sexual needs met elsewhere, or else he is unable to perform for some other reason. You shouldn't have to feel terrible and rejected over something you don't even know how to deal with because he's keeping you in the dark. Give him an ultimatum -- change + marriage counseling or divorce. You'll have given it your best chance and if he won't work on this, you leave with a clean conscious if also a weary heart.

When my stbxh was rejecting me sexually and pushing me away with excuses and criticisms of me, it was because he was cheating. I'd advise you to check phone records and Internet history and email and his phone to see if there is done funny business going on. If not, then give him the ultimatum to help fix this or part ways.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

So you had sex before you got married and then after marriage, no more sex.

Your hubby sounds exactly like my wife, just no kids yet for us, 13 years later of marriage.

In my situation, my wife is a larger woman, has been told in her high school and early college years, she is fat and this ruined her self esteem. Even her last boyfriend told her this before they broke up and he left for work elsewhere, so I know were this all comes from. But, what has she done about it since then? Nothing, talk, put it off, etc......so she isn't making any effort to better herself and break the vicious circle, so in part, it is her fault.

In your situation, either he is bi-sexual, addicted to porn, was sexually molested, perhaps he is a large guy (fat?) or something else.

Perhaps his parents are very conservative and sex less?

I would get MC and if that changes nothing, tell him straight up, I need to be physically loved (sex) and what turns you on? Fantasies? Fetishes? Or tell him, I will find someone else and it's his fault. Sad to see a young woman like yourself be put through this. This guy has issues he's never told you about or he's an idiot!!!


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## morelouso (Dec 24, 2012)

This just confirms his belief that he is the center of your universe and therefore has no need to change.


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

I know what you're going through and it sucks. You did not sign up for a sexless life. I didn't but that's what I got. I tried everything but my STBXW has some emotional/intimacy issues and even on the rare times when we did have sex, she kept her eyes closed and barely participated.

What I'm getting to is: have a serious talk with yourself and ask if you want to live the rest of your life like this. If you don't, if you want sex in your life, then think about divorce. 

Once I told friends that there was no sex in my marriage, they said "That alone is grounds for divorce." Like I said, NO ONE signs up for a sexless marriage, so if he can't be in a sexual relationship with you, you have to decide if you can accept that. And if not, then get divorced.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Nature designed us to want to procreate so he's either broken or he's meeting his desires elsewhere like porn or OW.

I just don't get how you can possibly be say with him. He's not trying to fix anything so what's the point. I agree with you that you are waisting time every day you live like this.


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