# Attraction to your wife



## Daisy12

After reading on TAM about men who wants their wifes to be hit on by other men, dress sexy out so men will look at them, have sex with other men and MFM sessions I have to ask the following questions.

Is your level of physical attraction for your wife in any way effected by how many other men find her attractive. If your wife hardly ever got hit on or checked out in public would it change your attraction for her? Does the more men that check out your wife, make her more attractive to you? If no man ever checked out your wife or commented about her would you still see her as physically attractive?

I’ve had my husband tell me he notices men check me out, I do not notice this happening very often myself, and he has told me that a few of his buddies have told him i’m “Hot”. Not once did I ever think that by other men looking or commenting on me that it would increase my husbands attraction for me, and if men didn’t look at me i wonder would his attraction be the same.

Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder, or does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for her and honestly are their men who are not physically attracted to their wifes at all?


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## Yeswecan

I share my W with no man. MFM, cuckold...whatever. Having other men check out my W(and those dogs do) simply makes me think...yep, I'm the lucky guy. It does not make me for attracted to my W if others check out my W. If no man said or looked at my W it would have not affect on how I view my W as attractive. My W is a total package type deal. She is attractive, outgoing and treats me very very well(in public and the bedroom). Yes, sharing my W with another man is simple out of the question.


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## BioFury

No, other people's perception of her does not effect my own perception of her. Other people noticing her would just make me angry and protective, it would cause jealousy.


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## DustyDog

Daisy12 said:


> Is your level of physical attraction for your wife in any way effected/


Dammit, I was raised by an English teacher and can't stop myself. "Affected", not "effected".



Daisy12 said:


> by how many other men find her attractive.


Dammit, English teacher again. Close a question with a query (?) mark.

And the answer is "no."



Daisy12 said:


> If your wife hardly ever got hit on or checked out in public would it change your attraction for her?


"to her".
No.



Daisy12 said:


> Does the more men that check out your wife, make her more attractive to you? If no man ever checked out your wife or commented about her would you still see her as physically attractive?


I do not depend on other men approving my choice in women. At all. No man with self-esteem cares about this stuff.



Daisy12 said:


> I’ve had my husband tell me he notices men check me out, I do not notice this happening very often myself, and he has told me that a few of his buddies have told him i’m “Hot”. Not once did I ever think that by other men looking or commenting on me that it would increase my husbands attraction for me, and if men didn’t look at me i wonder would his attraction be the same.


You missed the point. He was telling you this to give you more confidence in your appearance. Women tell men over and over that women have serious self-image issues, so men are conditioned to show their chosen women that there's no need for these self-image issues. Even if the women doesn't appear to have them, we have this conditioning, from the female gender at large.



Daisy12 said:


> Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder, or does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for her and honestly are their men who are not physically attracted to their wifes at all?


English teacher gives up on you.

Beauty is ALWAYS in the eye of the beholder. What is beautiful to one person is not beautiful to another, whether it's shallow physical beauty, depth of character, spiritual connectedness, intellectual capability, etc. IMO, for instance, nothing is more sexy than watching my women confidently and competently do the job that her profession requires. She rocks the damned house doing it. Other men don't care whether the woman has professional competence, as long as she puts him on a pedestal - something I dislike having done to me, BTW.

So, there's no answer that encompasses a majority of men in this case.

DD


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## Wolf1974

I Think most of what your asking is yes. What men want and find attractive in a partner they also, on some level, want to have bragging rights with thier friends and when it comes to male to female attraction that is going to revolve around physical attraction . It’s probably not as extreme as you might assume where an unattractive wife gets no love from her husband. After all attraction is in the eyes of the beholder. I think it’s natural to want 3rd party validation even on a slight level.

Women do this as well just in other ways. They brag about the careers and how charming or good looking thier partners are.

This is likely a human trait and maybe not the best of them. Another form of keeping up with the jones.

I do think physically sharing your partner is a whole other thing. Not what I’m talking about here


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## VermiciousKnid

I would never ever share my wife with anyone nor would she share me. What we have is special because it belongs only to the two of us. Nobody else is allowed to be part of it.


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## Um Excuse Me

Daisy,

After 32 years of marriage, I'm still attracted to my wife, perhaps even more so now (i.e. I'm attracted to older women in general :wink2 However, my wife also has large b**bs and collects a lot of stares (tongues hanging out) from other men. She also looks much younger than she really is (fools the carnival guy guessing ages at the fair).

Nonetheless, when other men look at her it really doesn't phase me or my attraction to her one way or another. My attraction to her is well, based on her personality and how she treats me (plus she's pretty good in the sack too which is an added plus >).


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## sa58

My wife is still as attractive to me as she every was.
She is smart, gorgeous, and makes me as horny as the 
first day I saw her. Hell no I will not share her with anyone.
Besides she tolerates me also.

Married for 30+ years


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Daisy12 said:


> After reading on TAM about men who wants their wifes to be hit on by other men, dress sexy out so men will look at them, have sex with other men and MFM sessions I have to ask the following questions.
> 
> Is your level of physical attraction for your wife in any way effected by how many other men find her attractive. If your wife hardly ever got hit on or checked out in public would it change your attraction for her? Does the more men that check out your wife, make her more attractive to you? If no man ever checked out your wife or commented about her would you still see her as physically attractive?
> 
> I’ve had my husband tell me he notices men check me out, I do not notice this happening very often myself, and he has told me that a few of his buddies have told him i’m “Hot”. Not once did I ever think that by other men looking or commenting on me that it would increase my husbands attraction for me, and if men didn’t look at me i wonder would his attraction be the same.
> 
> Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder, or does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for her and honestly are their men who are not physically attracted to their wifes at all?


What other men may think about my wife's level of physical attractiveness matters not one iota to me--unless it spurs them to pursue her in which case he and I are gonna' have trouble. But that's never been a problem because my wife can shut a guy down at 50 paces, so I've never needed to get involved. 

I've never understood drawing your own level of attraction from how others perceive your mate. That seems to me to be looking to others for external validation of your choice. If you need others to validate your choice, you have no business being in the relationship. 

My wife, who I know to be the single most stunning specimen to have ever walked the earth, is quite modest, which is fine by me. If I were ever to suggest she try to draw more attention from other men, she would instantly think me a far less suitable mate, and rightfully so IMO.

As for how she treats me affecting my level of attraction, the answer is yes, but to a limited extent. When she treated me poorly, I did find that unattractive, but it was never bad enough to turn me away completely; the basic core attraction was always there. And while I find her marvelously attractive on a day-by-day basis, on those days when she expresses attraction to, or appreciation for, me, that does amp it up a level or two.


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## arbitrator

*It really doesn't bother me if other men would be busy checking my old lady out!

But what would preeminently bother me much more would be her "checking them out!" That, I would have absolutely no tolerance for!*


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## SentHereForAReason

Hmmm ... I could be wrong but I would think a lot of guys, especially if they are the 'macho' type would get a sense of higher testosterone if others felt their wife was attractive but not for the MFM reasons but for pride of themselves on what they were able to 'pull' and look at what I have fellas, type of thing. 

When I was young and dating my STBXW, I did have somewhat a sense of that from a looks standpoint but that's really not my personality and quickly into marriage it turned into pride of look at what we have accomplished (kids, financial, morals&values/so I though). That is what made me hold my head high. It would not turn me on no, if other men found my STBXW attractive. What she did at home was what attracted me more times than others. When she painted her nails, put on good smelling lotion, basic stuff like that.


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## Um Excuse Me

sa58 said:


> My wife is still as attractive to me as she every was.
> She is smart, gorgeous, and makes me as horny as the
> first day I saw her. Hell no I will not share her with anyone.
> Besides she tolerates me also.
> 
> Married for 30+ years


Awesome.....:smthumbup:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I'd never share. In my younger days I was threatening if someone paid over zealous attention to my wife.

And today still, but more moderated by age acquired wisdom (I'd like to think). But still, she's mine and no one elses.


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## Betrayedone

Yes, I take some pride in other guys finding my GF attractive. Doesn't bother me a bit. She knows how to handle herself. Not a jealous bone in my body. And yes, it does have some effect on my desire for her if others find her hot.


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## Young at Heart

Daisy12 said:


> After reading on TAM about men who *wants their wifes to be hit on by other men, dress sexy out so men will look at them, have sex with other men and MFM sessions* I have to ask the following questions.
> 
> *Is your level of physical attraction for your wife in any way effected by how many other men find her attractive. *If your wife hardly ever got hit on or checked out in public would it change your attraction for her? Does the more men that check out your wife, make her more attractive to you? If no man ever checked out your wife or commented about her would you still see her as physically attractive?
> 
> I’ve had my husband tell me he notices men check me out, I do not notice this happening very often myself, and he has told me that a few of his buddies have told him i’m “Hot”. Not once did I ever think that by other men looking or commenting on me that it would increase my husbands attraction for me, and *if men didn’t look at me i wonder would his attraction be the same.*
> 
> Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder, or *does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for* *her* and honestly are their men who are not physically attracted to their wifes at all?


I see basically three questions;

(1) Is my level of physical attraction to my wife based on if other men find her attractive?


(2) Would his attraction to a wife be the same if other men didn't look at the wife.


(3) Does a woman's personality (self-confidence) and how she treats a man change how attractive he views her and his level of physical attraction to his wife.


Let's start with the easy one, #3. When I was in a sex started marriage, yes, how she treated me (which included emotional abuse) had a huge impact on how physically attractive I found her. 

Now the next most easy question to answer is #2. Would I be less attracted to my wife if it was just her and me on a deserted island? Wow, I think that my level of attraction wouldn't change all that much if there were no other men around. I would still probably want sex with her just as much as I do now.

Now the hard question, #1. First, there is the concept of 'arm candy." Just about every man likes to be seen arm in arm with a good looking woman by his friends. It is an ego thing. Look at the stories of guys who "rent" escorts for dinner dates or to attend weddings, business meetings, etc.

Next is the aspect of jealously. If my wife were to make me jealous would I want to in a very primal way exert dominance or possession of her? I have to reluctantly say yes, but I am not sure that is a healthy form of physical attraction, more of a biological imperative. We could digress into discussions of bull moose guarding their harem during mating season and such, but for humans, a monogamous relationship is suppose to be obviously monogamous, which is why we have the current form of marriage.

I do know that the reverse situation is true. When I was in a sex starved marriage and I did my get a life thing, where I lost 50 pounds, got into endurance events, and started to dress better, I remember that one of the breakthroughs happened after a work party for my wife when some of her female coworkers said to her that she was lucky to have a hot husband after flirting with me. That party also did wonders for my ego.

So do actions and the attention of others change the way a man is physically attracted to his wife............. yes and no. Probably more yes than no.

Or at least that is the opinion of a man married to the same woman for over 46 years.

Now let's get to your real question which is why would a husband want his wife to have sex with another man or tempt other men sexually.

That is not my things. However, if the guy is submissive, if the guy wants to be humiliated/degraded by his wife (or himself), if the guy is a voyeur, if the guy is so devoted to his wife that he wants her to have the most sexual pleasure she can and feels others may provide that for what he can't for other reasons (medical condition, physical size, etc.), or alternately if the guy wants to degrade/humiliate/dominate his wife by making her do things she would not normally do or like, he wants to pick up some sex technique lessons, he wants to turn her into his own little porn-star, ......... 

I suspect that there are as many reasons as there are couples who are into such things. Sex is a complicated thing that is full of emotional feelings.


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## uhtred

I don't particularly care if other men find my wife attractive. 

I guess it might bother me if she was very broadly considered horrible by other people because it would make me question my own judgement.


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## TheBohannons

None of my friends would ever tell me my fiancee is "hot" since they know I have a pretty fast right cross and don't play that game.

When we go out, she does dress to the 9s, but it doesn't bother me if anyone looks. Staring or making a "out of line" comment is disrespectful.

FWIW, I find my fiancee attractive even when she is sick with the flu. She has a card that says "Dont even think about it"


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## 269370

Daisy12 said:


> After reading on TAM about men who wants their wifes to be hit on by other men, dress sexy out so men will look at them, have sex with other men and MFM sessions I have to ask the following questions.
> 
> Is your level of physical attraction for your wife in any way effected by how many other men find her attractive. If your wife hardly ever got hit on or checked out in public would it change your attraction for her? Does the more men that check out your wife, make her more attractive to you? If no man ever checked out your wife or commented about her would you still see her as physically attractive?
> 
> I’ve had my husband tell me he notices men check me out, I do not notice this happening very often myself, and he has told me that a few of his buddies have told him i’m “Hot”. Not once did I ever think that by other men looking or commenting on me that it would increase my husbands attraction for me, and if men didn’t look at me i wonder would his attraction be the same.
> 
> Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder, or does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for her and honestly are their men who are not physically attracted to their wifes at all?


The way it works for me is like this:

I think my wife is the most attractive woman I ever met. I have never been more attracted to anyone else and my attraction never decreased or varied. If anything, it increased over the years I feel as she became older (now in her mid thirties) and developed from a 16-year old girl I met in school to become a woman and the mother of our children. I am talking about the purely physical attraction. 

This does not depend at all whether other men find her attractive too or not. My wife thinks I am not being objective :smile2: I probably am not but who cares.

However, my desire or rather, the urgency to have sex with her increases quite significantly if I see other guys hitting on her or imagine her having sex with another guy (if that thought pops into my head for whatever reason; I don't actually actively seek out to imagine those things!).

This felt always very weird to me because I would never ever want her to do that and would be crushed if it happened. It also makes me kind of angry thinking about it at the same time.
There's a book called 'Sperm Wars' that explains the biological reasons behind this. I am not sure how legitimate those reasons are but they did make sense to me at the time, when I read it.

I don't think the urgency to have sex equals attraction so not sure if it answers your question.


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## Townes

Wouldn't you say a lot of women care very much about what other women think of their husband? If a woman's friends, coworkers, mom, etc. all think her husband is an amazing guy his stock is going to go up in her eyes. If all of those people think he's a jerk his stock will go down in her eyes. Not all that different to me. A very separate issue than wanting your wife to sleep with other men to me.


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## I shouldnthave

Well... I am not a man. But this is what I have observed.

It varies!!! Some men hate it when their spouse or girlfriend gets attention from other men. Like some have said here, it makes them jealous or some other negative emotion.

But other men? Some love it. I knew a guy that said "I need a woman who turns heads" - he wanted to walk in a room and have every eye on her. He wanted other men to feel jealousy over the prize he had.

My husband has a bit of this streak - he actually likes it if I tease other men a bit - and then ignore them in favor of him (again, it's the "you want her, but can't have her, she is mine" mentality).

And I think it goes both ways. I am cut from a similar cloths as he is. If other girls flirt with him, or check him out. It doesn't make me jealous, rather it increases my attraction to him. Makes me pause and think, damn he is lookin' good.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

I shouldnthave said:


> Well... I am not a man. But this is what I have observed.
> 
> It varies!!! Some men hate it when their spouse or girlfriend gets attention from other men. Like some have said here, it makes them jealous or some other negative emotion.
> 
> But other men? Some love it. I knew a guy that said "I need a woman who turns heads" - he wanted to walk in a room and have every eye on her. He wanted other men to feel jealousy over the prize he had.
> 
> My husband has a bit of this streak - he actually likes it if I tease other men a bit - and then ignore them in favor of him (again, it's the "you want her, but can't have her, she is mine" mentality).
> 
> And I think it goes both ways. I am cut from a similar cloths as he is. If other girls flirt with him, or check him out. It doesn't make me jealous, rather it increases my attraction to him. Makes me pause and think, damn he is lookin' good.


If you honestly think he’s lookin’ good, why do you need others to confirm this? Your desire should be based on your chemistry with him, not the intrusions of third parties.

And why does he get off on rubbing his possession of you into the noses of others? What is the point of creating desire in others which can never be fulfilled?

I like having a woman who is capable of turning heads, but not because she may turn other heads, rather because she is highly attractive and turns my head, which is the only one that matters here. Ditto, she loves that I am handsome and well built, not because other women may look my way, but because she likes to look my way.


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## TheBohannons

I am proud of my guy, and yes I like to show him off a wee bit. It is not a "need", nor do i need "confirmation" from anyone. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you are a good looking happy couple. WU RC.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

TheBohannons said:


> I am proud of my guy, and yes I like to show him off a wee bit. It is not a "need", nor do i need "confirmation" from anyone. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you are a good looking happy couple. WU RC.


It all depends on what you get out of “showing him off.” My wife certainly likes for me to look my best when we go out. But her motivation doesn’t cross the line to wanting to create jealousy or a “ha ha you want him but you can’t have him” mentality.


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## CuddleBug

Daisy12 said:


> After reading on TAM about men who wants their wifes to be hit on by other men, dress sexy out so men will look at them, have sex with other men and MFM sessions I have to ask the following questions.
> 
> Is your level of physical attraction for your wife in any way effected by how many other men find her attractive. If your wife hardly ever got hit on or checked out in public would it change your attraction for her? Does the more men that check out your wife, make her more attractive to you? If no man ever checked out your wife or commented about her would you still see her as physically attractive?
> 
> I’ve had my husband tell me he notices men check me out, I do not notice this happening very often myself, and he has told me that a few of his buddies have told him i’m “Hot”. Not once did I ever think that by other men looking or commenting on me that it would increase my husbands attraction for me, and if men didn’t look at me i wonder would his attraction be the same.
> 
> Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder, or does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for her and honestly are their men who are not physically attracted to their wifes at all?



- Mrs.CuddleBug is a big girl needing to lose about 100+ lbs, so other guys checking her out is not happening.


- If she did get in shape, would I get angry if other guys checked her out? No. She needs this because she's never had it before. Her confidence, etc.


- If Mrs.CuddleBug lost the weight, got in shape, starts wearing sexy clothing because of that and got a healthy adventurous HD sex drive, I would be all over her every moment.....


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## oldshirt

My response is going to sound contradictory and counterintuitive in a number of areas but these things don't often make all that much sense.

My wife is a beautiful woman and former state-level finalist in Miss _____ pageants.

That being said, it does not turn me on at to have other men ogling her or approaching her. 

And I find women that have a bunch of male satellites orbiting around them a complete turn off.

And women that need a lot of male attention and who can't go more than a week without a BF are a complet no-go for me. 

I am not a competitive person in any area of my life and either someone wants to be with me or they don't. If I have to jump through hoops and be dancing monkey to get someone, it's ain't gonna happen.

But here is the ironic and contradictory part - we used to be swingers! :-O

We had a lot of group sex, couple/couple encounters and threesomes (mostly FMF, but a couple MFMs also)

While I appreciated that she was a very beautiful and sexy woman and a very sexual person, I can't honestly say that it either turned me on or turned me off or made her more or less attractive in my eyes.

I am not and was not one of those guys that got off on watching my wife with other dudes or other women. I appreciated her sexuality but seeing her with others was not really a motivating factor. I was in it for the erotic and sexually charged atmosphere and to be with other women.

Cont......


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## oldshirt

Cont......

Here is the other ironic part - she was the one that got off on seeing other women attracted to me and seeing me make live to other women. 

It DID enhance her attraction and desire for me. 

There were many times she simply wanted to sit in the corner with a toy or vibrator and just watch me.

I guess you could say she had a bit of a reverse cuckhold/ hot-husband thing going on.

Cont....


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## oldshirt

Cont....

While there is no question the cuckhold/hot wife fantasy is alive and well in a good number of men, and it is obvious there are men that like to see other men attracted to their wife - I think "preselection" is an actual larger force in female attraction than it is in male attraction. 

One of the significant criteria for a woman to be attracted to and comfortable with a man is if other women are attracted to him.

In my youth it seemed like I was living on a deserted island by myself as far as girls went.

- but once I would get a somewhat steady GF, women would come out of the woodwork.

That concept played out on a much larger scale once I was married and had a home and children.

I have been with several times more women since I have been married than I ever did as a single man.


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## BluesPower

I shouldnthave said:


> Well... I am not a man. But this is what I have observed.
> 
> It varies!!! Some men hate it when their spouse or girlfriend gets attention from other men. Like some have said here, it makes them jealous or some other negative emotion.
> 
> But other men? Some love it. I knew a guy that said "I need a woman who turns heads" - he wanted to walk in a room and have every eye on her. He wanted other men to feel jealousy over the prize he had.
> 
> My husband has a bit of this streak - he actually likes it if I tease other men a bit - and then ignore them in favor of him (again, it's the "you want her, but can't have her, she is mine" mentality).
> 
> And I think it goes both ways. I am cut from a similar cloths as he is. If other girls flirt with him, or check him out. It doesn't make me jealous, rather it increases my attraction to him. Makes me pause and think, damn he is lookin' good.


If this is who I think this is, it is good to here from you, and see that your still around... peace.


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## BluesPower

This question is so broad but here goes...

On the swinging, cuckold what not stuff... I would have no problem swinging with the right woman in the right relationship. 

The **** stuff, forget about it...

A lot of these questions have to do with 1) Monogamous verses Non-Monogamous people in general. I can and have gone both ways. 2) Sexual insecurity or security. 3) General confidence with the other sex...

Now in my current relationship, she is totally monogamous and is somewhat taken aback at my past, which she only knows in broad strokes. I am fine with that, I love her, we have a amazing sexual relationship, and I want her to be my last relationship... So I am good in every way. 

I will admit that I don't mind that she turns heads, I am not the least bit insecure about it. And yes it strokes my ego a little bit that she is attractive. But that is not the only reason or even the main reason I am with her. I see all of her beauty inside and out, they only see the outside beauty.

But whether some women want to admit it or not, most like that fact that other woman check out her man. Mine does, she is a little jealous and worries that I may cheat, but I hope she knows I will not, but she knows that other women find me attractive and she kind of likes it. 

She has gotten past the point of asking which women, in the current bar that we are in, that I have slept with. Which usually is 0 or < 2, but really, mostly 0. 

I don't think it is a problem for someone to want their mate attractive to others, but all the weird fetish stuff is odd to me, but then, so is someone being overly jealous just as strange.


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## DustyDog

stillfightingforus said:


> Hmmm ... I could be wrong but I would think a lot of guys, especially if they are the 'macho' type would get a sense of higher testosterone if others felt their wife was attractive but not for the MFM reasons but for pride of themselves on what they were able to 'pull' and look at what I have fellas, type of thing.


Bear in mind, that level of "macho" is considered pathological - it is not healthy. It's a form of someone boosting their esteem due to the behavior of others - which is NOT self-esteem, it's kind of the opposite.


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## 269370

oldshirt said:


> Cont....
> 
> While there is no question the cuckhold/hot wife fantasy is alive and well in a good number of men, and it is obvious there are men that like to see other men attracted to their wife - I think "preselection" is an actual larger force in female attraction than it is in male attraction.
> 
> One of the significant criteria for a woman to be attracted to and comfortable with a man is if other women are attracted to him.
> 
> In my youth it seemed like I was living on a deserted island by myself as far as girls went.
> 
> - but once I would get a somewhat steady GF, women would come out of the woodwork.
> 
> That concept played out on a much larger scale once I was married and had a home and children.
> 
> I have been with several times more women since I have been married than I ever did as a single man.




Interesting. Was it her or your idea to do the swinging? 
Did she know she had this ‘interest’ in seeing you with other women or is it something she discovered along the way?

Some things we don’t know we will like until we try them. And other things we don’t know we will hate until we try them. Cuts both ways I suppose.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## oldshirt

Responses in bold below. 




inmyprime said:


> Interesting. Was it her or your idea to do the swinging?
> 
> *i was the one that broached the topic first. I don't think she even knew there was such a thing in real life. *
> 
> 
> Did she know she had this ‘interest’ in seeing you with other women or is it something she discovered along the way?
> 
> *I think she always had a voyeuristic streak.
> She told me a story that in high school she was one of the first people in her class to get a drivers licence and had a car. One of her girlfriends and that gal's BF would have her drive them out into the country after school and the GF and BF would make out while she watched in the rear view mirror. This happened a few times with this couple.
> 
> When she told me, she of course denied any involvement with them but that it was the only this couple could get away to make out and that she was just doing them a favor.
> 
> I called BS and said that at minimum, she was getting off on watching them and they were getting off on being watched.
> 
> In addition to that, she did like XXX videos and we used to watch them together periodically throughout our marriage and even video'd ourselves a number times back in the days of camcorders and VHS/VHS(c).
> 
> But it wasn't untill we started to actually swing that she really came out about wanting to watch me. *
> 
> Some things we don’t know we will like until we try them.
> 
> *like I said, I think she was always voyueristic. But it wasn't until we were actually swinging that either of us realized the depths of her interest.
> 
> There were times we'd be at a sex club and she would want to sit in the viewing area of the orgy rooms and watch.
> 
> Watching is just her thang.*
> 
> 
> And other things we don’t know we will hate until we try them. Cuts both ways I suppose.
> 
> *we've had that happen too LOL*
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## BarbedFenceRider

I find my wife very appealing, even after 2 kids and years being tacked on. What IS surprising is the amount of attention men give her when it relates to her "maternal" factor. She is a great homemaker, awesome cook, good provider for her children and a sexy Latina (big butt, big breasts). As for men talking about it...They have said that if something ever happened to me, they would quickly swoop in! lol

I only had 1 time that a punky kid actually came up to me in the store where she works at, and tell me that he would love to "tap that A..". I said "I do...often".


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## I shouldnthave

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> If you honestly think he’s lookin’ good, why do you need others to confirm this? Your desire should be based on your chemistry with him, not the intrusions of third parties.


Its not a NEED, but do I enjoy it? Yep. My desire for him is not dependent on it, never said it was. We have amazing chemistry, again... that is not coming from outside forces. But I like it when women look, some would be mad or jealous, I am not. 

Kinda like I people that have flashy cars - or in my case, I have a really good looking horse. Do I like my horse more because she literally gets modeling gigs? Nope, I love that horse I raised since birth. But do I enjoy the attention she gets for looking so amazing? Yep! Would I think she was beautiful even if other people didn't clamor over her? Yep!




Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> And why does he get off on rubbing his possession of you into the noses of others? What is the point of creating desire in others which can never be fulfilled?


I don't think my husband will be the first, nor the last to gain a bit of pride from having something others can't. Its a story as old as time.... I am sure a psychologist could explain the origins of this particular phenomenon of human nature. 



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I like having a woman who is capable of turning heads, but not because she may turn other heads, rather because she is highly attractive and turns my head, which is the only one that matters here. Ditto, she loves that I am handsome and well built, not because other women may look my way, but because she likes to look my way.


This sound contradictory. You want a woman who is *attractive to you*, and you do not care if others think she looks unfortunate or not. This is not what the colloquialism "turns heads" is in reference to.

Thats fine if it works for you, and you are free to judge my husband and I for having different things that floats our boats. From my experience, what my husband and I are into may not be the majority, but is far from unusual.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

I shouldnthave said:


> This sound contradictory. You want a woman who is *attractive to you*, and you do not care if others think she looks unfortunate or not. This is not what the colloquialism "turns heads" is in reference to.
> 
> Thats fine if it works for you, and you are free to judge my husband and I for having different things that floats our boats. From my experience, what my husband and I are into may not be the majority, but is far from unusual.


There is nothing contradictory there at all. I think my wife is stunning. What others think of her physical appearance has ZERO effect on my attraction to her. I know she broke a lot of hearts when she agreed to marry, but I got no joy from that aspect of our engagement. I was thrilled she said yes to me. That joy was not enhanced by knowing it made others unhappy. 

Whether or not it's a "need," isn't the point. That additional joy is taken from putting others in positions of desiring something they can't have seems shallow and perverse. I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about deliberately creating unhappiness in others, regardless of the topic. I understand that what you speak of is not uncommon, and that there's probably something rather primal, hard-coded in the DNA that drives it. That doesn't mean it's cool. 

You may have noticed from a few of my posts, that I'm really talking about a matter of degree here. We all want our spouse to look good when we're out, if for no other reason than we feel it reflects well on us. Okay. But when people cross a line with deliberate intent knowing they are creating discontent in other that's ugly. 

But you have to admit, even the lesser degree is very ego driven.


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## I shouldnthave

I see what you are saying.... But it is not what I meant, you have interpretated it a different way.

We do not take joy in the negative feelings of others.... But we do get a sense of pride in having a coveted object. Does that makes sense?

I set out an analogy using my horse. I don't feel pride owning her because other people feel bad that they do not own her (honestly never crossed my mind) - but the compliments, and accolades I get for her do make me feel good. Yes it's ego.

Your wife does not need to be a "head turner" she needs to be beautiful to you, which she is.

And for you, it shouldn't matter at all that you won the prize over other men. 

If she was what the rest of society deemed a homely, social outcast, that no other man ever desired... That would make zero difference to you, because you are in no way affected by what others think, or if she "turns heads".

By the way, I am not saying I am better, or I am on some sort of moral high ground here. I am simply trying to let you understand someone who is different than you, and I feel like you aren't able to hear what I am saying as it is contradictory to your own understanding.


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## 269370

I think you might be speaking from an idealistic point of view (in terms of human behaviour) and @I shouldnthave might be talking from a realistic point of view. One can't deny that egos are part of human nature (the whole Facebook culture phenomenon has brought this and the vanity aspect of human nature to light quite prominently). 
It's up to each person whether they want to embrace that aspect or deny that it exists.

Also: if others look at my wife but can't have her does not automatically mean they are unhappy...People desire all kinds of things constantly, many of them, they can't have. It's human nature. It doesn't mean it makes them unhappy. I think you might be extrapolating one step too far. If you go to an art gallery and admire a piece of art, does it make you unhappy because you can't have it? Surely that wouldn't be your first emotion (if at all).




Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> There is nothing contradictory there at all. I think my wife is stunning. What others think of her physical appearance has ZERO effect on my attraction to her. I know she broke a lot of hearts when she agreed to marry, but I got no joy from that aspect of our engagement. I was thrilled she said yes to me. That joy was not enhanced by knowing it made others unhappy.
> 
> Whether or not it's a "need," isn't the point. That additional joy is taken from putting others in positions of desiring something they can't have seems shallow and perverse. I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about deliberately creating unhappiness in others, regardless of the topic. I understand that what you speak of is not uncommon, and that there's probably something rather primal, hard-coded in the DNA that drives it. That doesn't mean it's cool.
> 
> You may have noticed from a few of my posts, that I'm really talking about a matter of degree here. We all want our spouse to look good when we're out, if for no other reason than we feel it reflects well on us. Okay. But when people cross a line with deliberate intent knowing they are creating discontent in other that's ugly.
> 
> But you have to admit, even the lesser degree is very ego driven.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> Also: if others look at my wife but can't have her does not automatically mean they are unhappy...People desire all kinds of things constantly, many of them, they can't have. It's human nature. It doesn't mean it makes them unhappy. I think you might be extrapolating one step too far. If you go to an art gallery and admire a piece of art, does it make you unhappy because you can't have it? Surely that wouldn't be your first emotion (if at all).


In that part of my post, I was referring specifically to a previous post in which the poster specifically expressed delight in creating a “you want her but you can’t have her.” I wasn’t extrapolating beyond just enjoying being with someone who is nice looking for anybody else or any other situation.

That’s why I said it’s all a matter of degree. One one of the spectrum is no problem, the other extreme may be.


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## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> In that part of my post, I was referring specifically to a previous post in which the poster specifically expressed delight in creating a “you want her but you can’t have her.” I wasn’t extrapolating beyond just enjoying being with someone who is nice looking for anybody else or any other situation.
> 
> 
> 
> That’s why I said it’s all a matter of degree. One one of the spectrum is no problem, the other extreme may be.



Yes, I thought that that might have been the ‘offending’ sentence...
However I think people know that it’s just a game and have natural defence mechanisms how to counteract that.

For example, I was once having dinner at a private villa with a number of celebrities present. The hostess made an unusual seating arrangement to deliberately break up couples and seat them at separate tables. I was sitting next to a very glamorous lady and she suddenly leaned over to me and said: “I’m trying to make my husband - who is on the other table - jealous, could you ask me some questions and pretend we are having a good time?”

Of course it was a game and I knew that, especially since she actually put it like that. I was not offended. On the other side of her was a 70 year old man sitting next to her who kept trying to touch her every time he struck up a conversation with her. Maybe that’s the reason she asked me as she was getting fed up. So I jokingly said that “you should try this guy, he seems much better at giving women a good time.” Pointing at the old guy (making sure the old perv and the rest of the table could hear me).

I agree there is a balance. But when we flirt or interact with other people superficially, it’s kind of what we implicitly are doing already (not take everything they say too seriously). I don’t think anyone is that gullible to take everything literally what a beautiful woman will be telling them. And maybe if they do, disappointment is not the cruellest lesson. You still had a fun exchange.

Anyway, that’s my take on how I read Gettingit_2’s sentence in that post anyway.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## GuyFromDK

I find my wife very attractive even after 31 years together, and I enjoy it when other men find her attractive. My wife is a hotwife, she's allowed to have sex with other men once in a while, but not unconditionally - it's something we share, and I love that she's so naughty and horny that she likes do do it. 

I'm sure there are some basic biological mechanisms in play, but I can't explain exactly why I like it. I wouldn't say that it makes her more attractive to me, but it reminds me that I have to make sure that I'm attractive too, and it makes me proud that she chose me. I love her dirty mind - I find that very sexy, and that other men flirt with her is good for her self-worth. 

It's fun, we both enjoy it - it keeps our marriage from getting boring. Sometimes we turn it around, so I get to experience sex other women, which turns her on just as much.

It's important not to overdo it, it's easy to become obsessed with it - a few times per year works perfect for us.


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## ConanHub

My level of attraction to my wife depends mostly on her and my interaction with her.

When other men do flirt with Mrs. C, it reminds me to maybe not take everything for granted and appreciate her more.

Now about the wimpy concept of other men touching her intimately, there are less humiliating and far less painful ways to die than to trespass in the kingdom I rule alone.


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## Handy

Other men finding my W attractive, well that doesn't register one way or the other with me. Me finding her attractive is sort of moot because it is how we interact is what matters.

A long time ago attractive cars caught my interest but now I am mostly interested in reliability, operating cost, and comfort. I would say that is what I am interested in when it comes to relationships.


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## heartsbeating

Daisy12 said:


> Does you wife’s personality and how she treats you contribute to increase your physical attraction for her


My husband's physical attraction to me is increased with feeling loved and cared for by me. As for others finding me attractive... well, this gets a little complex. He's said he knows other men find me attractive yet doesn't want them to find me attractive but he doesn't want me to be unattractive. Eh? ...exactly. 


Let me preface this to say I'm rarely hit on/flirted with. Recently on a work phone call, the guy insisted he drop by with paperwork rather than emailing. He asked when I'd be about. I requested he leave paperwork with reception as I couldn't confirm when I'd be free. He insisted he wanted to meet. Admittedly his insistence triggered my spidey senses. I reasserted the receptionist could help if I wasn't around. I told reception to expect him and what was needed. He asked for me but the receptionist helped instead. 

He unexpectedly dropped by the following week, asked to see me. This time reception didn't gate-keep. As I walked towards him, he said quite boldly 'Ahh... here's the good looking one. I knew you would be. It was worth the visit.' I kept the dialogue professional. Colleagues heard with mixed reactions - giggling, asking if he was cute, or expressing annoyance. 

Being out of the norm, and something that happened in my day, I shared with hubs who was instantly protective in his response/suggestion. I asked how he'd feel if a woman turned up to his work and said the above. He was amused with the thought, saying it'd never happen, but his response would be 'thanks!' We had a laugh about this.


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## Taxman

My wife and I have been married for forty years. I find that I see her through the goggles of years. I see the girl I married all those years ago. I don't see the wrinkles or the lines, I see the beautiful and desireable woman that time has only perfected. So attraction? Cannot keep my hands off her. Good news, the kids are grown and we have the house to ourselves. Night all.


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## colingrant

Personality and waistline measurement. I'm 6' and weigh 195 lbs. I don't want my wife within 50lbs of my weight, tops. Right now she weighs more than I do. Not good! Not good at all.


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## kekkek

Taxman said:


> My wife and I have been married for forty years. I find that I see her through the goggles of years. I see the girl I married all those years ago. I don't see the wrinkles or the lines, I see the beautiful and desireable woman that time has only perfected. So attraction? Cannot keep my hands off her. Good news, the kids are grown and we have the house to ourselves. Night all.


This is really wonderful. I had this experience in reverse. I saw my ex through goggles for many years. Then we she confessed her infidelity, those goggles dropped off in a hurry. I saw the wrinkles and aging, and she was suddenly no longer attractive to me at all. She had become someone else. It was a very real effect. I had literally never noticed her aging before and saw her as if we had just met. Then it was all gone in an instant.


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## dadstartingover

kekkek said:


> This is really wonderful. I had this experience in reverse. I saw my ex through goggles for many years. Then we she confessed her infidelity, those goggles dropped off in a hurry. I saw the wrinkles and aging, and she was suddenly no longer attractive to me at all. She had become someone else. It was a very real effect. I had literally never noticed her aging before and saw her as if we had just met. Then it was all gone in an instant.


Yep the goggles are REAL. I look back on my ex-wife and say *"What in the sam hell was I thinking?"* I loved her. She was my best friend. We went through a lot together. Then she went off the deep end and I couldn't believe what I had overlooked all those years. Everything about her from A to Z said "red flag", and I dutifully ignored it.

It's ok to be attracted to other women. It's ok to find fault in your wife. Trust me, she finds faults in you. It's not ok to overlook every little thing just because you said "I do". That's not being a good partner. That's being some love sick puppy who, ironically, will lose her respect and HER attraction to you will lessen over time.


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## heartsbeating

The guy returned and to keep this short, hubs wasn't sure if he was overreacting in his suggestions to me - but I followed his advise to create greater distance. And shared with my manager who was understanding. While there's consideration the guy might think he's being charming, or only wants to deal with me, it's not warranted from my perspective, or that of management. I appreciated hubs' perspective (and being protective of me) and if there was another agenda, it's squashed.


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## PigglyWiggly

I am very attracted to my wife but admit that I do have the love goggles on.


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## PigglyWiggly

I am greatly attracted to my wife and let her know it constantly. In her youth, she had terrible self esteem and did her makeup and dress as if she wanted to be invisible. I wouldn't say she was unattractive then but just presented herself in an unattractive way and seldom got hit on or flirted with. Now at 48, her self esteem has been rebuilt and she knows that if a man/woman is interested in older women, she might get some looks her way. I love this for her. I hope she gets hit on or flirted with every time she goes to the gym. It validates the things I have said about her attractiveness and gives her a lot of confidence. I do get a tiny ego boost from it but primarily I feel good for her. I enjoy seeing her truly feel attractive at times and not just attractive to the guy with his love goggles on. There is something special about seeing a woman feel beautiful.


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## LTCNurse

DustyDog said:


> English teacher gives up on you.


:grin2:


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## hinterdir

For me personally I couldn't care less if others find my wife attractive or not. The only thing that matters to me is me finding her attractive. Others being attracted to her would not make me feel any more attraction at all. I prefer my wife dress modest and not go out in skin tight, short items drawing a lot of sexual attention to herself. I'd consider it disrespectful not a turn on that other guys were getting worked up. 

To each their own.


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## happyhusband0005

The fact other men are attracted to my wife does not affect how I see her. But I do tell her when I notice a guy checking her out and she doesn't. I figure me constantly teller her how hot she is is taken with a grain of salt, though my wife knows she's hot. But any person feels good when anybody finds them attractive. I have never heard of someone being insulted by someone else finding them attractive, except the slimey aggressive cat calls. 

Though my wife has gotten pissed when an unattractive guy hit on her. She was like "what would make him think he had any kind of shot with me".


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## Wynfield

Other men's level of attraction to her does not affect my level of attraction to her. I do not like other guys hitting on her but that doesn't happen to often. I'm also not possessive/jealous/do not worry about it too much. I also am not that physically attracted to my wife. Well, I find her beautiful/pretty, but not that sexually attractive. Wondering how normal that is...


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## jogncartman

uhtred said:


> I don't particularly care if other men find my wife attractive.
> 
> I guess it might bother me if she was very broadly considered horrible by other people because it would make me question my own judgement.


Ohh, buddy you are completely right and very wise. I'm sorry that I was not so smart a few years ago. Once I met with my former classmates and my wife was with me. After the party, they said that she was very ugly and then I started forcing my wife to do makeup to look attractive. As a result of frequent use of cosmetics, she had problems with her face. She was forced to go to Canada and to cliniquechloe.com she underwent surgery using Botox. Her skin became healthier and tighter, but she hated me and now she wants to leave. I'm so stupid!


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