# update: It was an EA and he confessed (ish!)



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

I've made this much shorter in the hope someone will help! in brief WH confessed to EA with OW, had no choice as he sent me a text in error meant for her. Was not sexual but ended with lots of love. I asked him to send me all their texts but he deleted them. He has answered anything, being patient, apologetic, loving, feeling ashamed etc etc. say's they are NC, phone bill confirms she is not contacting him (this was how the communicated but he knows now I see the biils!).

I need to verify what exactly happened, so is there a way for me to recover deleted text messages from iphone?, he has never backed his phone up so there are no backups.

how do I make sure we don't rug sweep?.

I'm so tempted to speak to her so any sound advice telling me not to would be good (unless the tam view is I should?)! she is single and so her actions are up to her and if there is NC I would not want to encourage her to contact WS. 

I'm sure there are other things I should have done so all and any advice welcome and thank you tam  Oh and I have read not just friends and am reading his needs her needs 

Thank you


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

bump, anyone?
x


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

If he never backed up his phone then just go ahead and do a back up, from there you can do the text retrieval


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Also read the newbie link in my signature for info


----------



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

yeah, don't think he would of confessed if he wouldn't of sent you her text... I hope he is doing as he says, and didn't find a new way to communicate ( other phone)...

Sorry you are here.


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> If he never backed up his phone then just go ahead and do a back up, from there you can do the text retrieval


Thank you. Do I need software or something downloaded. I've been testing and trying to recover my deleted texts as a test from my own back ups but I can't find anything. The extent of my iphone and general technical ability is to be able to shop online. 

Thank you AR, much appreciated.


----------



## constant_ache (Jul 10, 2011)

Do you have iCloud activated?


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> yeah, don't think he would of confessed if he wouldn't of sent you her text... I hope he is doing as he says, and didn't find a new way to communicate ( other phone)...
> 
> Sorry you are here.


Thanks, it's not a club I would have willingly joined but there are some fantastic people here doing amazing things so it's not all bad 

He has another phone already, he works abroad and has a phone for that country which I can't see, she was cheap and only sent messages to his local phone so I could see when she contacted him  He could still be texting her lots for all I know, he says they are NC but I can't verify that as yet. 

Thank you for your reply.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I would recommend you try this:

iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac

"Lost or broken your iPhone, iPad or iPod? Deleted something important? Failed iOS update? The iPhone Backup Extractor can extract files from the backups iTunes automatically makes of your iPhone, iPad or iPod Touch"

I'm sorry I am not a tech expert myself, but as I understand it, even if your hubby didn't do a backup, an iPhone does an automatic "backup" to iTunes. This download is free and it goes to iTunes and tries to recreate the data. 

Good luck and brace yourself. It could be pretty hard to see. Have lotion tissues handy


----------



## constant_ache (Jul 10, 2011)

iPhone SMS Recovery - Recover Deleted Text Messages from iPhone 4S/4/3GS


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

constant_ache said:


> Do you have iCloud activated?


On mine I do yes. but his phone is not backed up to it. I can change the setting and activate it on his phone when he returns though he wont know. The phone is wasted on him he only texts and calls ;-).


----------



## constant_ache (Jul 10, 2011)

almostrecovered ,i love love love love your avatar!!!

It always makes me smile.


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

Affaircare said:


> I would recommend you try this:
> 
> iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac
> 
> ...


Thank you, He has told me what he said happened and what was said by him and her and I want to verify. I'll give him the chance to tell me in person first and then I'll look. If it is worse than he has told me and he could have spared me that then he'd better have the lotion tissues and some band aids to hand.  thank you for your help.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

faithfulspouse said:


> On mine I do yes. but his phone is not backed up to it. I can change the setting and activate it on his phone when he returns though he wont know. The phone is wasted on him he only texts and calls ;-).


DO NOT put his phone on the iCloud!!

You can't do the back up retrieval on the iCloud, use the iTunes backup in the computer, sync it with a wire


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

constant_ache said:


> almostrecovered ,i love love love love your avatar!!!
> 
> It always makes me smile.


Boiing boiing


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> DO NOT put his phone on the iCloud!!
> 
> You can't do the back up retrieval on the iCloud, use the iTunes backup in the computer, sync it with a wire


Thank you. presumably I then use backup extractor to see deleted texts?. He won't have had any texts since he deleted them and does not use the phone when working away (except this time to receive ow texts) so there will be nothing new for him to delete to overwrite them. 

Many thanks for all your help.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

If the program doesn't work try viewing the back up file with text pad, it'll be difficult bit readable. I'm on my phone or else I'd post the name of the file


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Where I heard this story before.... Oh, Yes! this is how my story began! I hope yours ends better than mine. ( I used iphone backup extractor in my Sherlock Holmes mode). You can read the whole nasty story from the link in my signature if you like.


----------



## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

KanDo said:


> Where I heard this story before.... Oh, Yes! this is how my story began! I hope yours ends better than mine. ( I used iphone backup extractor in my Sherlock Holmes mode). You can read the whole nasty story from the link in my signature if you like.


Very similar stories! and to be honest if mine ends up the same as yours, and I deal with it half as well as you did, I'll be okay  best of luck to you.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Because your H is maybe doing damage control, don't talk to him at all about what you find or do. Search for evidence and trust the experience of people on TAM for an eventual confrontation.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

faithfulspouse said:


> Very similar stories! and to be honest if mine ends up the same as yours, and I deal with it half as well as you did, I'll be okay  best of luck to you.


Thanks. I hope it all works out. Just know that no matter how the story unfolds, it will get better.


----------

