# UPDATE On The Snooping Husband



## Anaphylactic (Feb 19, 2012)

*UPDATE On The Snooping Cheater*

Update for those of you who have been offering your support, Thanks! 
When Will I LEARN HE WON'T CHANGE Uggh

So my husband has not been living in our home for a week or so and it feels good!!! Meeting with divorce lawyer to fine tune documents to be served! SCARED HERE!! I have never been married let alone Divorced! I wanted SO BAD to keep trying.
So before I decided to "serve" my husband I waited and saw how he would be while out of our home. Thus far... NOT GOOD! At first, meaning the first week, he was so sweet kind and so on. Then he wants to see me and take me on a date. I say yes. We eat and come back to "My house" evening going well until he asks if I need to "talk." So I took him up on the offer to "talk" and what a BIG mistake that was. You see my husband has been telling his family that I can't seem to "get over it" and more negative untrue words. So his family who are my only family suddenly don't like me at all. When he asked to talk I wanted to talk about how I felt hurt about his family talking bad about me due to what he has told them. Well, He Blew up saying, "leave my family outa this." WOW what was I even thinking? 
The evening went Very wrong and many poor choice words were exchanged. I won't paint myself as perfect but I did get pushed by his cruel words and childish name calling. 

I DO NOT GET IT!! SERIOUSLY!! 
What the heck is wrong with people?? 
I mean HE CHEATED ON ME MORE THEN ONCE!!! And He can not seem to take accountability for this! He wants to blame someone so he decides to blame me! NO WAY! 

This is so painful for me. I don't know what to do except continue with filing divorce papers on Monday! I suppose I was praying for a miracle to overcome my husband and then he would see just how wrong he has been handling this whole thing. My eyes are so puffy from crying all evening. I don't hate too often, however, I do hate this.

Thank you for listening and THANK YOU for your ongoing support!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I just found your other thread and posted there. I am sorry this is happening.

Sometimes it helps to know what you are dealing with. He may have a personality disorder. As such his behavior is due to his pathology not you. It is good to sort that out. 

Being involved with a person with a PD is confusing. They charm you to get you hooked and then they start acting crazy. 

The normal person thinks that the behavior change had something to do with them. They work hard to get back the nice charming person back. 

Problem is the nice person is not real. The real him is the unsympathetic, deceptive, manipulative, self-centered man that comes out when you don't follow his script. What are the chances he will be the nice charmer full time? 

Probably slim to none. You can't influence that. Or you can by letting him do what ever he wants. You would have to be available whenever he wants and be happy with whatever he gives you. 

Is he nice when he wants something and dismissive when he gets what he wants? Does he lie about many aspects of his life? How does he treat people who can't do anything for him? 

What is his history? Was he abused? Does he go after underaged hookers? Does he engage in any illegal activities that you know of. 

He sounds incapable of being honesty, compassion and empathy unless he stands to get something out of it. He won't do it for long.

The more you understand what he is the better off you will be. You'll know it is not you and you cannot do anything that will change the course of his sorry life. 

See if you recognize him here.

How to Spot a Narcissist | World of Psychology


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## Anaphylactic (Feb 19, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I just found your other thread and posted there. I am sorry this is happening.
> 
> Sometimes it helps to know what you are dealing with. He may have a personality disorder. As such his behavior is due to his pathology not you. It is good to sort that out.
> 
> ...




YOU NAILED IT! He is all that except the underage girls. 
So if its a PD if he takes medication will he change? I want SO BAD for him to be that person I fell in love with! How can that man not exist within him at all?​And for TWO months this past, he was so sweet the entire time! 
I am NEVER RIGHT
He is so kind when he wants something. But he says I am like that. No mater what I say to him he without doubt finds something in my words to say "YOUR LIKE THAT TOO" its like he does not hear what I say. Like he ignores me completely because he's thinking of a quick reply!!! I swear I feel crazy here.
And the messed up thing is I am taking an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication so he calls me the crazy one. I hate that too. 
He does lie a lot though he will tell you he does not. If someone isn't making him money he has no use for them. I will go visit your link asap to read that personality style. 
I suppose any hope I have still is going away. I can't allow myself to be treated like that even if it is a PD. His father beat him and then left him and his mom. No sexual abuse though. What do you mean what is his history?


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## Anaphylactic (Feb 19, 2012)

ok read a bit of that link and I remember our therapist saying he fights like a child. He reverts back to how he would fight as a kid when in adult disputes. One day we were in therapy and he said to our therapist.... "my wife did "this" and she said "that". Like he was telling on me

When I am feeling hurt he says things like.... I knew you'd never get over it. You were just using me for my money. And he's so worried about the monetary things instead of repairing the damage he's caused emotionally.
Then when he thinks I am "really leaving" he gets prepared by canceling my credit card and cutting me off so to speak. He knows I have nothing and No family either. IT HURTS SO BAD because I do not care about the financial crap. I want my husband back but realize I won't get that.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Anaphylactic said:


> ok read a bit of that link and I remember our therapist saying he fights like a child. He reverts back to how he would fight as a kid when in adult disputes. One day we were in therapy and he said to our therapist.... "my wife did "this" and she said "that". Like he was telling on me
> 
> When I am feeling hurt he says things like.... I knew you'd never get over it. You were just using me for my money. And he's so worried about the monetary things instead of repairing the damage he's caused emotionally.
> Then when he thinks I am "really leaving" he gets prepared by canceling my credit card and cutting me off so to speak. He knows I have nothing and No family either. IT HURTS SO BAD because I do not care about the financial crap. I want my husband back but realize I won't get that.


Read all the info on personality disorder. The sweet man is not him it is a useful persona. 

I am worried about you. You are leaving yourself wide open to a mentally ill man. 

Don't feel sorry for him. Keep your sympathy for you. He knew what he was and he saw your vulnerability and homed in on you. 

This is no time to be nice and helpful and kind. Blow that sh!t right the hell up. That gets you nowhere with a person like this.

He will take you chew you up and spit you out and never look back. Read "no more mr nice guy" Its for men but i think it is for all people who are too nice.


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## Anaphylactic (Feb 19, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Read all the info on personality disorder. The sweet man is not him it is a useful persona.
> 
> I am worried about you. You are leaving yourself wide open to a mentally ill man.
> 
> ...


I would like to IM you. May I? One Very Personal matter I feel comfortable sharing with you. He if snooping still, Will know its me if I post it.


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