# Help me process this a bit.....



## Suckerpunched (Jan 27, 2011)

About three weeks ago, I got the "I love you/not in love w/you" speech from my husband of 12+ years. Apparently, he had been unhappy for a while, just never thought to tell me. I didn't see it coming.

The first week I was horribly upset/depressed. A real hot mess. I am in school, we have two kids, I don't have a job....really worried about how I would support the household on my own. H earns enough to support one household, but not two.

We both went to counseling (separately). He says being physical is just too hard for him right now. No more hugs/kiss/well, anything really. We don't touch, and that was such a huge part of who we were.

Says that he wants to try to fall back in love, that he'll give it a few months to see if he can recapture it. 

At first, I was patient/understanding. I know that this is hard on him. 
But....

Now I'm starting to feel like he either needs to commit to the marriage/family and do whatever it takes to make it work. OR he needs to walk away.

Do you think this is unreasonable?
I realize that no matter what happens, I will be ok. It is going to be rough, but I'll be ok. Obviously, I worry about how I will manage to support my family by myself. But somehow I'll find a way to make it work.


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## breathe (Feb 2, 2011)

He is willing to go to counseling so that says he is open to work on it. If he was done he would just walk away.


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## Suckerpunched (Jan 27, 2011)

That is true, Breathe, thank you.

But I think that his approach has been/is that he wants to see if he can get those romantic- I'm IN love with you feelings back before he decides whether to stay or go.

And I think I'm feeling like those feelings probably won't happen in the circumstances we've set up. 
I think I've just realized that we are beginning to approach the issue differently. 
He wants to wait and see before he commits himself to it....and I would rather commit and do anything to make it better or walk away. I'm not so good with the wait and see.

Hmmm....


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

ask him what he really wants (and to not hold back anything). ask him what he likes and doesn't like about your relationship.
good luck.


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## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

All you can do is try. He can't make any promises that everything will work out no matter what...because he just can't tell what the future will bring.


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