# Is it my fault if i leave my husband?



## simply unique (Jun 17, 2011)

I have done all i can to make my marriage survive, even endure his neglective, abusive and controlling ways..He is a very humble person, but controlling and abusive towards me..I believe he is a good man with the wrong mentality..He believs a woman shouldn't work , have friends or rights, when he is home i need to have and give him attention...no reading a book or use internet or even watch a movie or be on the phone with my sister..HE got out of hand when he kept hitting me and busted my nose..To make a long story short i told him i didn't want to be with him anymore..i care for him alot to the point that i haven't left yet, He'll talk and beg till he drain me of all my energy and my will to leave..I'm even scare that he might kill me or himself cuz he has said he doesn['t want to live with out me..So , I'm planning on leaving him in time secretively without him knowing because he is not going to let me leave..But I'm scare he might kill himself, am i wrong to think i wont be able to live with the fact that i cause that and his dispair? Will That be my fault?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

You aren't going to die without him but it sounds like you might with him. And what he chooses for himself is up to him. You are not responsible for him or his behaviour once you leave.

You need a plan and support. And when you leave disable any gps your phone might have. Do you have any friends that can help you? A place to go that he doesn't know about? Did you go to the police when he hit you? Woman's shelter available?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Is it your fault you survive a plane crash?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Definitely get some help and support from the domestic violence agency in your area. They can help you make a plan to leave safely and quickly. Whether you need shelter or not, they are really the experts in this stuff.

And no, what he chooses to do whether you stay or go is entirely on him. You can't "make" him do anything. It's not your fault if he hits you, it's not your fault if he gets drunk and angry, it's not your fault if he threatens to kill himself to make you stay. It's. Not. Your. Fault.

And while of course no one can positively predict another person's behaviour, I will tell you this: I worked at a domestic violence agency for 5 years and in that time I personally worked with about half a dozen women whose husbands had threatened to kill themselves if they left. And I actually worked with kids--so I didn't actually do a lot of work with adults. It's a pretty common theme in abusive relationships. And make no mistake, you are in an abusive relationship. Of all those women who had suicide threats in letters and phone messages and what not....not one of those guys ever even made an attempt. It's almost always just a ploy to make you stay.


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## myongsoo (Jun 22, 2011)

I don't know exactly what happened before / your background etc, but one thing is for sure, when that creature lay hand on you, he crossed the boundary that can never be un-done.
I admire that your devotion that still care for that creature despite of what he has done to you. But Please, leave for your own good. That creature does not deserve you.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

You need to remember that you are not responsible for his moods, outbursts, despair, or anything he did to you. That is on him only. 

You need to get out. Now. Physical abuse is not to be tolerated under any circumstances! That is not love! Not one bit! People don't smash the noses of those they love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DrAkhu (Jun 23, 2011)

I am a domestic violence (DV) victor (survivor) and a licensed clinical psychologist, and author of a DV self help book (Metamorphosis: Journaling the Path from Domestic Violence Victim to Victor Metamorphosis: Journaling the Path from Domestic Violence Victim to Victor by Adwoa Akhu, Ph.D in Self-Improvement). Abusive relationships cause victims to feel responsible for abusers. We can only truly be responsible for our selves. When there is really love, healthy love, there is the freedom to leave without the treat of dire consequences. My husband made all types of threats. Eleven years later he continues to be miserable and I am happily remarried to a wonderful man. Get the support you need. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) National Domestic Violence Hotline and check out some of the “contemplations and inspirations” from my book posted on my blog. They are free and designed to help you better understand and give you strength. When you are ready to go it will be hard but my experience and the experiences of the many women I have worked with all points to leaving leading to greater happiness. Good luck!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you end up crippled for life or buried in a shallow grave, when you were given the warning signs and you had the opportunity to escape, will it be partially your fault? If you end up as a beat down 80 year old, bitter shell of a woman rather than the complete one God intended when He created you, who's fault will it be?


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