# Can't live with it anymore, but want to



## ocean29 (Nov 17, 2010)

MY BACKGROUND (History)......

Its been 3 years we are married.

She fell in love with me and was very nice to me. First I was not at all interested in her but due to her loving nature I too fell in love with her, after 2 years of affair I got to know her parents are planning for her marriage. It was a painful news for me since I wanted to get married to her only or die.

Also, my financial condition was also not too good, I just started my career, however to get married with her I took loan from Bank, spent all my credit cards and hired a good accommodation and finally I was able to impress her family (I lost my parents though, their support and love).

till one year after marriage she was not working, i was the only source of income and of course we had financial crisis, however I worked hard and got growth in my company and became a valued employee, due to same recognition in company I got my wife to get a job in same company but at a different location. It was her dream to work with such a big company (I work with a Fortune 50 company)

Now we started getting 2 paychecks and situation started improving, and I kept on growing, now sitting a at good position in company.


*SUDDEN PROBLEM- Ruined everything .*


We had love marriage and cud not live without each other. In recent past my wife suddenly decided to go to her parent's home for sometime for few days, I was okay with it, however i could feel there is something wrong since I love her and can feel. When she came back she told me softly that "I have feelings for a guy who goes with her in her Office Coach" *(I know this Guy)* it was an earthquake in my heart, I stopped living since then, however after crying for few days I started getting normal again since I love her and can't leave her. I can't live without her.


Since then we have issues, because I gifted her a job, a good life and a secured future and top of it I loved her like anything, left my parents also for her. 

After two weeks I found a card written by her for that guy but she never gave to him in which she wrote these things ""I LOVE YOU, you are very sexy , why didn't you come earlier, I can't stop loving You, I want to be mother of your kids, you always made me smile," 
When I read this all I was almost dead. 

I asked her Questions like if she had physical relation with that guy, if she ever had a foreplay,* a date, but she promised that that GUY even does not know about it but of course He could feel that whats in her mind for him (Human's power to feel).


Same day she told me she made this card 7 months ago, means she was keeping this secret since then and was not letting me know about it because she was happy in her dream land.

Actually could not bear it and I tried to finish it off with my anger but it did not work out. 

I don't have my parents with me now and I can't go back to them, 
I can't leave my wife and can't even live with her with what all she did OR happened.



Since then we had have lots of fights, I was the one who never hated even his enemy but now I have hatred, Anger and anxiety which keep me living like a dead body.




*IMPORTANT- To understand if the guy did know/involve or not*

After one week she shared this truth with me, I called her up during her journey to office, of course that guy was also in same Office Coach, at that time I was intend to grab her back. During that call I asked her to Take a day off, to take a drop in between the way so that I could pick her back to home and spend a day together. When it happened- Same evening when she was back from work, She said I know you called up deliberately, she was upset with my CALL.

AND THE REASONS WERE:-

*1.	She said- 1) He (That guy) felt that before leaving for work She had sex with me (Of course she is my wife and we can have sex anytime), I could not understand this point
2.	2nd) I asked her why do you think so, she said she found change in that person's behavior, She even said that* "I did not feel good when he (Guy)* thought that I had Sex with you" "Its like someone thinks of a girl that she is not virgin"
3.	I am failed to understand above two statements she made, it left me with doubts, please suggest me with this as well.*




Now its difficult for me to live. She did not propose that guy though. But I can't bear this pain since I have been a true lover to her and fulfilling every need, whatever I was doing in my life to fulfill her Dream which was to see Successful and with a good life.




*SHE NEVER SAID THAT "PLEASE FORGIVE ME", OR "ITS MY MISTAKE".* she only says now I have you in only in my heart, however for me its difficult to live like this, I don't scare that she would again do it, but I have not been able to recover from what all happened. She never thinks she did anything wrong.*


Please help. 
I will be highly thankful, may be you save a life with your Suggestion/Solution. I lost my interest in life.


Please help, I am sorry for making it too lengthy


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i an vrey sorry for what you are going throught. i understand your pain. sometimes we marry young and do foolish things and dont fully understand how our actions affect our loved ones. i speak for experience. my h and i were together very young and had a baby. we loved each other and wanted to be married eventualy. but tring to grow together, grow up into adults, and be parents was very hard on our relationship. he told me when i figure out what i want in life give him a call,. and he walked out on me (not the baby). i realized i messed up and we worked it out. we made us impoortant again and really talked for the frist time in a long time. 20 years later we still talk and i tell him if i an feeling traped, or unhappy, or anything. maybe she was feeling traped sorta like from daddys house to husbands bed. you say how much she means to you, have you told her....no tearing up, tell her you love her but will not stand to be taken advantage of. does she feel the same way about you when you think back on all the good times was she there and pluged in? i dont want to make you feel bad but step back why did you marry her? just to have a pretty thing to look at, to put in a big house? was in love, compainship, a deep rooted connection? you dont have to answer anything just really think about it and talk to her really talk be open to anything and everything maybe you dont want to hear the answers but you need to them make a decision to forgive and move ahead or walk away wih no ill will towards her and that "guy". dont waste your self in hate you had the right idea. stay strong. sorry if i got a little long winded.


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## ocean29 (Nov 17, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> i an vrey sorry for what you are going throught. i understand your pain. sometimes we marry young and do foolish things and dont fully understand how our actions affect our loved ones. i speak for experience. my h and i were together very young and had a baby. we loved each other and wanted to be married eventualy. but tring to grow together, grow up into adults, and be parents was very hard on our relationship. he told me when i figure out what i want in life give him a call,. and he walked out on me (not the baby). i realized i messed up and we worked it out. we made us impoortant again and really talked for the frist time in a long time. 20 years later we still talk and i tell him if i an feeling traped, or unhappy, or anything. maybe she was feeling traped sorta like from daddys house to husbands bed. you say how much she means to you, have you told her....no tearing up, tell her you love her but will not stand to be taken advantage of. does she feel the same way about you when you think back on all the good times was she there and pluged in? i dont want to make you feel bad but step back why did you marry her? just to have a pretty thing to look at, to put in a big house? was in love, compainship, a deep rooted connection? you dont have to answer anything just really think about it and talk to her really talk be open to anything and everything maybe you dont want to hear the answers but you need to them make a decision to forgive and move ahead or walk away wih no ill will towards her and that "guy". dont waste your self in hate you had the right idea. stay strong. sorry if i got a little long winded.


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## ocean29 (Nov 17, 2010)

Thanks a ton,
she loves me now, cares for me but those things were so sad that my all trials to accept her fail everytime.
She saw dad of her kids in that guy but in practical world that guy stands no where, in terms of looks, status, standard or anything, however I understand its her heart she was nott ablee to control over to...
I even understand that when theree is something lacking in a relation thn only these thingss happen, but I was living for her and doing what all she wanted, my diet , cloths and even the timinngs of my sleep were decided by her and I followed everything without any ego or something, thinking I love her.

Howw do I heal my heart, she never told that guy about her feelings, shee never ever had any physical intimations even with him.
But emotionally cheating is what III am not ae to bear, when i remember all thoose words she wrote for him I get into hell and dark. Its been 4 moths and I am still there, I am loosing myself.

I had too many arguments with her, lots of questions to just let her realize her mistake but today she says she did not do any mistake........pls suggest, cuz I can't accept her if she doesn't realize her mistake, she wants to live with me only , this is aloso a fact........
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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I am sorry ocean29 you had to go through that after all what you offered to the relationship

Sometimes we think we are doing the right things while we may not

Counseling may help you a lot
Also you can check marriagebuilder.com
You may find the clue
The answer is hiding somewhere
read about her needs and see which one is not met

I wish you the best
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