# passive aggressive is not for me



## aklopaklo (Oct 3, 2011)

I've been considering separation for sometime time because my partner turned out to be most difficult, arrogant, not compassionate, coldest person I've ever met.

Obviously, it used to be nice at the beginning. Yes, there were red flags all over, but unfortunately I chose to be blind.

Here are some facts and complaints from my side:

1) We are not yet married, however he was talking about marriage and eternal love since day one and until the day I agreed. I was pregnant with our 2nd child at that time and thought it's about time to make it official. 2 years later he keeps finding lame excuses for not marrying.
2) In past 3 years he hasn't ever taken me out on a date. When I planned an evening together he always complained that we should take others along. How romantic is that?
3) He has huge debt and 2 children from 2 past relationships. They don't live with us, but visit us every Sunday. Annoying, but I could live with it if he was a better husband and father to our children.
4) 2 years ago I bought the house for us. Mortgage is on me. He decided to become a super handyman and fix everything himself. As a result, house is 95% construction zone unsafe for our 1 and 3 year old children. He leaves garbage all over, wood with nails out, electric outlets open with hanging wires. He saws wood and masonry without covering the work area, so dust fills up the house. This especially makes me mad, because our sone has respiratory problems.
5) He NEVER consulted me on MAJOR changes in the house. Some were ok at the end, so I let that go, but some are just hard to agree with. It seems appropriate to me to consult your spouse about major house changes, especially if mortgage is on me. Right?
6) Overall, he's just arrogant, not compassionate person at all. Never ever you'll hear sorry from him, even if his actions or words have hurt a lot.
7) He's also facebook addict.
8) He never acknowledges my birthday or our anniversary. My last birthday, he couldn't find his sweater and blamed me in donating it to Goodwill. I said no and thought it was sufficient. He didn't talk to me for 5 days including my birthday! 
9) When our 1st child was 6 months old, my girlfriend invited us to a swimming pool party. Being a new mom and older than the rest of guests, I decided not to go. He got mad and left us for 2 days including on 4th of july fireworks.
10) A year ago, he found a pack of cigarettes in my purse, got mad and left me with 2 year old and 3 months old for 5 days until I made first step and brought him back. Now I think that I shouldn't have. 

He never said sorry for any of this or made an attempt to improve our relationship. 

I'm so fed up with this, but can't leave because house is under construction and mortgage is on my name. Plus 2 kids, 1 and 3 years old. He knows I'm in a trap, and I have no clue how to get out of this relationship because he'll never change no matter how much I wished he did.

Worst is that he seems very comfortable sharing the roof and living in roommate like relationship.


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## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

Red flags...

You dummy...

Get out now...

!


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Sounds like a complete a**hole to me. What made you want to go for a guy like this?! HE IS EXTREMELY ABUSIVE, from your own description!!


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## Romance and More (Oct 4, 2011)

I highly recommend you consult with an attorney on your rights, and next steps. The two of you may be deemed as common law married. You have children you have to consider. 

Dont just make a move. Consult with an attorney first! Don’t make another mistake.


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## aklopaklo (Oct 3, 2011)

thanks for responses.

I totally agree that i am a big forgiving idiot. I've been extremely patient and hopeful. It's not like I suffered quietly, no, I did let him know that his disrespect towards me and our family is absolutely not acceptable. His loss he chose his ego over people who cared about him.

Unfortunately, we are forced to live in the same house for awhile. At least for a winter. 

Now, that I have my mind set about separation, I feel more at ease. We manage not to argue as much and I keep him at distance. Mentally, I'm already checked out.


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## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

Your last post is a mirror image of the road I was forced to take. Get your brain sorted out to make what's ahead a bit easier.

If it means anything, yer on the right track...


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