# Weight loss timing vs start of PA?



## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

I've always heard that 'she/he started losing weight' is a classic cheater sign, and many threads on TAM have verified that fact (most maybe).

But is it in anticipation of a physical affair, or after it has started? are they trying to slim down before undressing or after because of embarrassment/inadequacy ?

Is the timing 1) meet the potential AP 2) start EA 3) start losing weight 4) PA, or are 3 and 4 reversed?

just wondering if you could use weight loss to establish a timeline of intent to go physical


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Yes, they will slim down, go to the gym etc.. to get looking good. new make up, clothing.. really care about hair and stuff more than usual. Could already be physical, just up keep now.. or the OM/W said something about weight.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

russell28 said:


> Yes, they will slim down, go to the gym etc.. to get looking good. new make up, clothing.. really care about hair and stuff more than usual. Could already be physical, just up keep now.. or the OM/W said something about weight.


Truth to this one. My x wife did all the above. Of course with having no knowledge of this at the time I thought she was having a midlife crisis


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Could be for any of those reasons. 

Could also be just wanting to get in better shape for the spouse too. That's my goal. Now the spouse is getting in shape too. We encourage each other and have fun. We certainly are not insane weight lifters, but do like the results we are slowly achieving.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

A spouse losing weight is one of those red flags, that by themselves don't necessarily add up to much. But when combined with other red flags, adds to the probability of cheating.

In regards to the timing of the weight loss; just a theory, but I believe most cheating spouses, particularly women, start the weight loss after they've already been attracted to someone else.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

usually stems from one of two reasons-

1) they already lost the weight (or are losing weight) and started to receive attention that they either didn't know how to handle properly or craved all along and due to poor boundaries or selfish interests fall into an affair
2) they are in an affair and want to look better for their affair partner (or if EA look better for when they meet)

my WW was in category 1


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Looking back my wife started losing weight, new clothes, new bras and died her hair. I was just a bone head that did not see it


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## Trish78 (Jul 8, 2014)

I started losing weight prior to my A beginning by 6 months. I wasn't planning to have an affair I was losing weight to lower blood pressure so I'm not sure that can always be 100% a sign however I would say when multiple things start to change like weight/hair/nails/clothes/undergarments...there is definitely something up.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

When someone losses weight get more attention, so...

What's first egg or chicken??

Red flag? just with other signs I guess.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Suspecting2014 said:


> When someone losses weight get more attention, so...
> 
> What's first egg or chicken??
> 
> Red flag? just with other signs I guess.


Well, I can answer that question with certainty...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg --> The hen came first...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The rate of divorce after breast implants and gastric bypass is supposedly astronomical.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Before marriage, I would like a guy and once an attraction was established, I would look better by hair, makeup, weight loss. I was thin when I was younger (like most of us) and when we ended up dating after a while, I would become more comfortable with less makeup on the weekends and such....

I think everyone does this. It's nice to be able to relax and be yourself and know you are loved. We all get comfortable. 

As a woman , after kids created havoc on my body, I was happy to be able to exercise and look and feel good again. I never cheated. 

I think this applies to both men and women. We all will put are best foot forward when needed. 

Most everyone slims down BEFORE their wedding too so they will look good in their wedding pictures. We all want to get noticed when we look good. Human nature. 

Cheaters are gonna cheat, period. Lots of great looking men and women look good. 

Rambling on some more:

My girlfriend is a fitness instructor and looks awesome and her husband cheated on her. He likes chubby women. 

My 300 pound other girlfriend cheated on her 200 pound husband with a 400 pound man. ???

It takes all kinds of situations.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> I've always heard that 'she/he started losing weight' is a classic cheater sign, and many threads on TAM have verified that fact (most maybe).
> 
> But is it in anticipation of a physical affair, or after it has started? are they trying to slim down before undressing or after because of embarrassment/inadequacy ?
> 
> ...


I'm in the training business and I used to believe that women who began shaping up had already decided to move on (usually with the new man already on the radar) due to the high rate of break ups shortly thereafter. I still believe that's the case most of the time, simply due to the effort required (primarily dietary discipline). However, in the last few years I have recognized that a goodly percentage of women who have always been fat, upon getting a hot body, can't resist the come ons from guys who are much hotter than the husband they "settled" for.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Well my ex who never went to gyms or worked out all of a sudden stated tanning and go to the gym and soon afterwards left. Ironically, the more she looked good, the more I was attracted to her, the less we had sex. I recall now around the same time she was buying new bras and undergarments and paying lots of attention to herself in the mirror. I would say it is an EA when it is going on but the tell tale sign is new undergarments. I recall soon after she left - the POSOM posted on her fb page "Hey Sexy" and I knew what was going on from there. Let them go. Doesn't matter.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's the give away. If your spouse start to improve their appearance when for years they didn't give a rat's azz how the looked for you, its likely done for someone they really have an interest in and care about being desirable.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

My WS started to buy different clothing. Later on I found out the xOW had a board on Pinterest for men's clothing she liked. Many of his new clothes looked remarkably similar to outfits she had pinned (still makes me roll my eyes). As luck would have it, he also bought a new car shortly before dday and little did I know, at the time we bought it, it was a type of car she really liked. Dday was not too long after and that car was traded in for another. All of the clothes he purchased were donated to charity. He was in shape/no need to lose weight prior to all this but if he hadn't been, I'm sure those efforts would have been made too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I will tell you the biggest insult to me was for years my ex took the summers off and went to our summer home while I worked in another province - thus leaving me alone for 2 months while she and her family reconnected. BUT after we split and she moved in the OM and never went home to see her family once in 3 years....spoke volumes to how she felt about me all those years. I remember when I dated a girl afterwards and she heard what my ex used to do and she said "something was wrong there, no woman who loves their man leaves him alone for two months." Got me thinking....


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Rugs said:


> Before marriage, I would like a guy and once an attraction was established, I would look better by hair, makeup, weight loss. I was thin when I was younger (like most of us) and when we ended up dating after a while, I would become more comfortable with less makeup on the weekends and such....
> 
> I think everyone does this. It's nice to be able to relax and be yourself and know you are loved. We all get comfortable.
> 
> ...


What I don't understand is some folks fascination to try to look like they did in HS.

I got built better and more attractive after HS.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

badmemory said:


> A spouse losing weight is one of those red flags, that by themselves don't necessarily add up to much. But when combined with other red flags, adds to the probability of cheating.
> 
> In regards to the timing of the weight loss; just a theory, but I believe most cheating spouses, particularly women, start the weight loss after they've already been attracted to someone else.


Or they lose weight for whatever reason and they start attracting and getting attention from the OS .Then they get the rush
Then they go wild with the ego boost.

55


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> Or they lose weight for whatever reason and they start attracting and getting attention from the OS .Then they get the rush
> Then they go wild with the ego boost.
> 
> 55


If it was a BS, they need to run wild on an ego boost. Most BS's wait for EVER to take care of themself.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

My wife lost a bunch of weight first, I think anyway. No way of really knowing for sure. But she lost the weight, suddenly got attention from dudes, and there ya go.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

just got it 55 said:


> Or they lose weight for whatever reason and they start attracting and getting attention from the OS .Then they get the rush
> Then they go wild with the ego boost.
> 
> 55


mine did this...also got her a boob job, tummy tuck, lipo...plus the weight loss from dieting...then not even 6 months later.....it happened


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I have never been in bad shape, but about two years ago I wanted to get even better looking. I started tanning. I started doing Insanity and then Crossfit and then a hybrid and now I just pound heavy weights. I did all of this to catch the eye of my wife. For seven years, we had been in a relationship where sex/emotions were one-sided. She came off of birth control, decided she too wanted to be healthier, lost about 25 pounds, and we both have a sexual relationship that reciprocates each other's love. I now have women giving me that "look." It doesn't matter to me, as I only care that my wife is looking at me. I believe it can be a sign of infidelity, as others have pointed out that it happened to them, or it could just be them trying to get the attention of their spouse.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

stevehowefan said:


> I have never been in bad shape, but about two years ago I wanted to get even better looking. I started tanning. I started doing Insanity and then Crossfit and then a hybrid and now I just pound heavy weights. I did all of this to catch the eye of my wife. For seven years, we had been in a relationship where sex/emotions were one-sided. She came off of birth control, decided she too wanted to be healthier, lost about 25 pounds, and we both have a sexual relationship that reciprocates each other's love. I now have women giving me that "look." It doesn't matter to me, as I only care that my wife is looking at me. I believe it can be a sign of infidelity, as others have pointed out that it happened to them, or it could just be them trying to get the attention of their spouse.


Same for me, but we're men. There is a difference.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> My wife lost a bunch of weight first, I think anyway. No way of really knowing for sure. But she lost the weight, suddenly got attention from dudes, and there ya go.


Did she stay covered up around you when she was dropping the weight?


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I think women try to lose weight for all different kinds of reasons and a lot of the time it has nothing to do with an affair. I'm trying to lose weight, it started with the freshman 15 and then when I had a baby it got worse, and I really want to get that off.

Also, I buy hot underwear and clothes, straighten my hair, dye my hair, and do my make up often because I want to look good for my husband. Not cause of wanting to look good for someone else. Maybe that's a young person thing?


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

When you have a crush on somebody, you lose your appetite. Once you stop eating, lots of weight comes off fast. I would say, the moment the attraction begins this happens, usually long before anything actually happens, unless it is a one night stand that the WS can't stop thinking about. Any obsession with this sort of thing always takes away the appetite it seems. Once they get into a regular routine with the AP, they stop losing weight and level off or gains some back.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Wolf1974 said:


> Truth to this one. My x wife did all the above. Of course with having no knowledge of this at the time I thought she was having a midlife crisis


Same here. My fww dropped to her HS weight prior to PA. She started to dress like a HS too. She started to shave her private parts completely clean. First time in 25 years of marriage.

She told me that it was all for me. Not.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

RWB said:


> She started to shave her private parts completely clean. First time in 25 years of marriage.
> 
> She told me that it was all for me. Not.


Mine did this too....said it was for bikini but she never did it before in 25 years......hhmmm


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