# Is conversing on this site a "secret"



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I find myself wondering if my wife came accross my posts that she would veiw this as disloyal. IE speaking to strangers about my thoughts and my marriage/sex..etc. 

Is this any different then her having frank discussions with her girlfriends that i would not necessarily want to know about (or feel i would have a right to know.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

tjohnson said:


> I find myself wondering if my wife came accross my posts that she would veiw this as disloyal. IE speaking to strangers about my thoughts and my marriage/sex..etc.
> 
> Is this any different then her having frank discussions with her girlfriends that i would not necessarily want to know about (or feel i would have a right to know.


It's in no way secret so try to remain as anonymous as possible.
Actually I don't care if my wife comes across this she might learn a thing or two.

She won't only into FB


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I don't consider it a secret either. I even told my husband I was visiting a forum to vent and look for advice. He hasn't asked which one but if he felt concerned and asked I would tell him.

I told him maybe he should do the same to look for advice or find some people with the same problems and it may help but he said he didn't think it was a good idea for him.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I surf this site sitting next to my wife usually.

I`ll discuss the threads and what`s going on in the posters lives.

I don`t believes she`d ever even think about running a search on my posts but I kind of wish she would.
As trying has said, it`d be a learning experience for her.

A good one


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## Voyager (May 23, 2011)

My wife knows I posted a lot on support forums and still do but to a much lesser extent. As part as being open and honest I provided her with the forum names and my user names as well as my email passwords. As far as I know she's never been interested in reading my postings or emails.


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

wifeofhusband said:


> Yes and no. My husband knows I post but I don't think he knows where. It's not a secret but I haven't volunteered up information on where. I take the view that if he doesn't like it, he could always step up and offer the support I need so I don't need to find it online.


My husband knows I post here. I don't even close the windows on my laptop as I have no secrets despite him constantly thinking I do and I know he has in the past read up on my posts and brings up things in arguments when he feels like he's been painted in a bad light. Otherwise, nothing gets said, but I feel like you do here...if he would just try to understand what I need from him rather than sometimes acting like he just doesn't care about what I need. *sigh*


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

My husband knows i'm reading stuff on the internet and he's even not happy with that. I don't consider it a secret, but if he read it he will be angry... i think


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

Yes, she can find out about this site.
No, it won't be a problem because everything is anonymous.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

He doesn't have much time for forums or online communication.

He knows I post here and I sometimes refer to scenarios and what I've learned. He also knows it's had a positive affect on me and helped inspire change. I know he likes that I'm keen to continue working on myself and us. 

I considered posting a photo from Halloween and asked his opinion out of respect that he was in the photo - and he expressed he'd prefer I didn't. So I didn't. 

I'm aware some posters are in touch with each other beyond this site. Only 2 people here have seen my photo and know my name. Openly, he'd rather I stay anonymous on the forum. Anything I write here, wouldn't be news to him.


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

My husband knows I participate in a forums for marriages. He has seen the color pattern here and if he wished he could probably find it, if he so desired.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

My wife knows about this site and more often than she will admit will look up my posts. She sometimes comes across something that I have tried to tell her then act all suprised that I feel that way. I don't keep anything from her and if she wants to know something all she has to do is ask.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband does not know I post on this site. I would not hide it though if he ever sat next to me while on here. I post from my iPod touch, which he never touches. I've always said great things about him anyways and I have nothing to hide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Not a secret for me....my man knows I post in here - he's never been game to ask me what I post about though, for fear of what can of worms he thinks it might open up for discussion. 

He's a bit of an ostrich...well no...a LOT of an ostrich. His problem solving philosophy is, if you bury your head in the sand for long enough and don't discuss things, maybe all the issues will simply disappear and all will be well with the world. 

Meanwhile, I'm almost suffocating from all the white elephants taking up space around me.


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

My wife and I both post to the site and have even had arguments thru TAM, so no its not a secret.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wife knows I am here, I've even relayed some of the more "juicy" stories. But she hasn't come here and read anything, guessing she is allowing me my "therapy"


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

My husband knows I'm on a marriage forum. He pretends he doesn't know which site, but I know he reads my posts on occasion. He's mentioned things I've posted many times. One week this happened three days in a row. LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Bad News said:


> My wife and I both post to the site and have even had arguments thru TAM, so no its not a secret.


I think this is very cool, not the fighting, but the opening up -the transparentcy. I feel more marraiges could benefit if they did just this, if you could get the other spouse on board. I think the problem is , too many people are overly sensitive, but if they end up at Marraige counseling, it would all come out anyway.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

It's not a secret here, either. My wife knows I post and has visited the site once or twice, but her self-described ADD gives her little patience for message board threads. I've related abbreviated versions o some of the threads, but she hasn't expressed much interest in joining or reading the board herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madteach (Nov 25, 2011)

I am so envious of all of you who say that your spouses know that you post here. Even if I tried to tell my husband that I was posting on this site, he would just ignore me and walk out of the room.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My husband is aware that I post here, and often I will share my posts, and others' posts with him. I have encouraged him to join and utilize the advice, gain perspective and just vent - but he declines. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

My Husband doesn't know that I'm on here (in fact I'm on 'in-private browsing' as this is a shared comp)

But I am considering showing him my posts as I seem to be a bit more eloquant on here than when we are trying to discuss our issues. I also think it might be good for him to see that all the people who have replied on my thread are a lot more harsh about his behaviour than I am!


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## FormerlyCareFree (Nov 25, 2011)

My husband knows I've been reading this site, and late last night when I created an alias email account to join, I let him know. I don't believe in keeping secrets at all unless you're in an abusive realtionship where you are secretly seeking resources to help yourself get out of the situation you're in. If you have an understanding spouse, being on this site shouldn't pose a problem. If anything it should welcome open dialogue and not doubt. 

If on the other hand I found out that my husband was frequenting a site like this without my knowledge behind me back, I would feel a bit betrayed, especially about opening to people about our personal affairs. No pun intended..

eta: my husband actually felt very sad when he saw the name I came up with for myself.


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