# husband says i am overreacting over the following (involves strippers)



## faysinclair (May 16, 2018)

Married 28 years, 5 children.
1. husband moves out comes back 3 months later.
2.find out around 3 months later has had Tinder profile.
3.find out after that has been to strip clubs 
4.find out has internet dating profiles.
5.find out has loaned money to a so called friend 
6.find out that friend is a stripper (amount given $30,000 )over at least 18 month period. besides money spent at venue.
7.says i am overreacting about being hurt and angry.


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## Silkysean (May 16, 2018)

Wow I would say if he wants to have fun it’s ok I too love strip clubs and the exotic dancing but never will I spend $30,000 on them.That said he’s looking for something else.If you’re separated this gets even more tricky because hopefully it was discussed about time apart and respect and rules if you want to work marriage out.I hope he stops this crazy spending and spends his time reflecting on hat went wrong and how to fix it if that’s the goal.Good luck


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

You're not over reacting. [email protected]

Tell him you want the same amount of money.😊


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Ok, thought I was going to read something about going to strip clubs and the gray area that, that provide but damn! 

Overreacting would be finding out he had a nudie magazine in his briefcase and kicking him out. Anything other than you seeing a lawyer to protect yourself and him checking into some sort of rehab would be UNDERreacting at this point.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

No giving 30k to anyone let alone a stripper, without talking to you is wrong. AT first I was think well they were separated but since it was over 18 months obviously a good chunk of this has been prior to or after the separation. 

I think you have a couple problems

1. Giving 30k to the stripper
2. Your husband obviously doesn't have much respect for you and views money as mine and not ours.

I had a response on a thread talking about my wife and I liking going to strip clubs for the show. The show being the sad men just handing over big ****** of money because they think these girls are actually going to like them or want to take them home. These girls are masters at getting men to hand over their wallets. You husband appears to be the star of the show. Sucker. 

Your not over reacting, your husbands a dope.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You need to see a lawyer immediately and you need to protect yourself and your kids...his actions are very very concerning and devastating.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

So, your husband of nearly 30 years moved out for several months. He's been on dating sites and hookup sites, and has been giving tens of thousands of dollars in marital funds to his stripper "friend". 

Why do you want to remain married to someone who is so obviously both financially and sexually unfaithful to you, and clearly has no interest in a mutually safe, loving, respectful, monogamous marriage?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

faysinclair said:


> Married 28 years, 5 children.
> 1. husband moves out comes back 3 months later.
> 2.find out around 3 months later has had Tinder profile.
> 3.find out after that has been to strip clubs
> ...


I'm sure your H will claim a midlife crisis bull crap. Certainly this all the infidelities in one bundle. EA, PA and financial infidelity. Three strikes. Your out. Serve D papers. Right now, you are under reacting.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

If you haven't kicked him out and filed for divorce, you are UNDERreacting.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

You shouldn't be mad, you should be divorced.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Are you looking to save this marriage? Even if you are, (God only knows why) you need to:

Consult an attorney. In event of divorce, you will most likely be able to recoup the funds he spent on his 'dates' and the 'loans'.

Get a full-panel testing for STDs. Stop intimacy until results are in. Insist he be tested, also.

Insist he get individual counseling for his entitled ways.

He is not remorseful and is not a good candidate for reconciliation until he is. Minimizing his behavior and your pain is a bad sign.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Holy yike-a-ronie, you're definitely not over-reacting in my opinion. You might be UNDER-reacting if anything!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

faysinclair said:


> Married 28 years, 5 children.
> 1. husband moves out comes back 3 months later.
> 2.find out around 3 months later has had Tinder profile.
> 3.find out after that has been to strip clubs
> ...


Is he still alive? If you haven't killed him, you aren't overreacting.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

faysinclair said:


> Married 28 years, 5 children.
> 1. husband moves out comes back 3 months later.
> 2.find out around 3 months later has had Tinder profile.
> 3.find out after that has been to strip clubs
> ...



"Honey, I need you to give me 30.000 to spend only by myself."
He will flip.

If he spent that amount on her, then she isnt only a stripper for him.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

I dare say you may actually be UNDER reacting.


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

Husband clearly hasn't loaned anything. He turned into a sugar daddy and is being explored. Is he still giving her money?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Spend 30,000 on hunky, hung escorts and see where your marriage is at.

Even?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear faysinclair;

First get yourself and him tested for STD's. His stripper "friend" was much more than just a friend.

The thing I really don't understand is why you let him move back in. That must mean that either you had hope to reconcile the marriage or that he has some redeeming qualities that are not discussed in your post......or that your 5 children really need him.

If he is dropping out of their life and spending in excess of $30,000 on strippers (you said the amount didn't include what he spent at the club), then he really can't be depended on for his children. How is that going to help them pay for college?

I am sure you know all this. I am sure that when you allowed him back into the house you didn't know half the things you now posted. This is horrible and I am so sorry for you and your family.

What you need to do is figure out if there is any hope that you might be able after years of work on his part to forgive him. The only way to know that (if he is remorseful) is probably with marriage counseling. If he isn't remorseful, then just seek a divorce attorney. If I were in similar shoes, I don't think that anything would allow me to trust someone who had acted like that, ever again. But that is a decision that you will have to make.

You might want to start some Individual Counseling with someone who specializes in life changing events. You are going to need help grieving the loss of your marriage, figuring out how to move on, and how to explain all of this to your children. The surprising thing is that they may have a better understanding of his failings than you do.

Good luck.


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## LuckyM (Apr 8, 2018)

Of course you are not over reacting! His actions sound reprehensible.

Assuming you are not leaving out anything important here, why are you still married to him? I don't understand why you
tolerate this, I am a man and it sounds awful, divisive, very disrespectful of you and grounds for divorce. I have read more
minor complaints on this forum and others from women who are very very upset. I can get angry just reading about it.

Am I missing something?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I’d say that — in that you’ve not kicked his lying ass to the curb — you’re _under_reacting.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Obviously he moved out so he could do as he wanted for those three months. Now he's back and trying to convince you that you're overreacting? 

The real question is why you want him back.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I am hoping that your absence from this thread is because you have gone to a lawyer, kicked you estranged husband to the curb, are getting help from friends and family to develop a plan on how to move forward without his dead weight bulldozing you and your children to homelessness. 

Forget about reconciliation and whatever comes out of his lying, cheating arse. Protect yourself and the assets you have left. Please start believing that the man you shared a life of 28 years no longer exists. The strpper witch took him and tainted him forever. 

Thinking that he will change only prolongs the inevitable and gives the strpper/ other women a very good chance of stripping you and your kids of your livelyhood!

I have lived a similar version of your story. I was married for 21 years to a great man. We had two beautiful children. Out of the blue (it was out of the blue for me and the kids, for the X it was not), I discover he had been having an affair for 6 months. I knew something was up the first few weeks this mess started, but my gut was the only thing back then that screamed at me that something was very wrong. My now X accused me of being crazy, unreasonable, jealous and crap like that. My gut was spot on! I have never been the jealous type. Cheaters lie! Your dumb spouse is a cheating lier now. That character flaw will not go away. It has been 14 years since I divorced the X. He has continued to cheat on his partners since he started that crap with our marriage.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah, I have a feeling your life has entered a new phase.


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