# My wife never trys to turn me on or initiate sex. please advise



## dblj22rsvl

I just joined this forum hoping to find some answers tips or anything that could help. I am 30 yrs old my wife is 33. We have 3 children total she has 2 from previous I have 1. Our marriage has been tough since day 1 her children are very hard to deal with. This I understand though there teens and I am a step dad. 

The problem lies within our sex life which is disappointing to me to say the least. I have an extremely high sex drive. I wish to have sex daily and my wife doesnt seem to have the same desire. I am constantly the one asking or trying to be intimate with my wife . Often I am turned down or told later which never comes. I have told my wife it seems a thousand times how important sex is to me and me being happy in this marriage. Still no change. SHe in 2 years has never initiated sex not one time. Not suprise bj no lingerie no nothing! I pride my self on my fitness so she cant say she isnt attracted to me I am hit on daily by all types of woman. I just want my wife to want me! 

She doesnt get how simple we men are. I have tried all avenues to explain to her that I am done I cant handle any more neglect. She isnt stupid and has to understand I have laid it out there so many times. Ive decided she doesnt care. This is even tougher when I know her past and past sexual experiences. Ive asked her to do many things to spice up our sex with toys etc I like to take pics that turns me on but nothing from her just excuses and complaints... She did all sorts of things for her pos ex and I get nothing and I married her. I truly get enraged when I am rejected. Last night she said ill wear my lingerie tonight something she has never worn for me but bought after year of me asking her to. Come bed time nothing she climbed into bed in pj and fell asleep like always. I am pissed and done. I have considered an affair but figure why? Just leave if im not happy. Im young still and good looking I deserve better. What should I do She will likely never change at this point? Does she care? All people that have this issue or any other sexual one seem to end in divorce or cheating. I understand why now> Men are simple and so are our needs. I just need to feel she wants me sometimes and she wont do it. Despite being very sexual in her past relationships she told me that her ex never gave her enough and told me the things she did to try to excite him... I get nothing! Im at the end of my patience what should I do???????


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## PHTlump

dblj22rsvl said:


> I am constantly the one asking or trying to be intimate with my wife . ... She did all sorts of things for her pos ex and I get nothing and I married her. ... Despite being very sexual in her past relationships she told me that her ex never gave her enough and told me the things she did to try to excite him... I get nothing! Im at the end of my patience what should I do???????


So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving.

So stop asking for sex like an awkward teenager. Start ignoring your wife. Not just at bed time. She would love that. All the time. Run the 180 on her (change your behaviors 180 degrees). Be polite, but uninterested in her. Start detaching.

Start emulating her ex. If my wife told me that there was something about quality X that really turned her on, I would start showing her quality X immediately.

Maybe she will notice and put forth some effort in the bedroom. If not, you'll be better prepared for divorce.

Good luck.

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## In_The_Wind

PHTlump said:


> So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving.
> 
> So stop asking for sex like an awkward teenager. Start ignoring your wife. Not just at bed time. She would love that. All the time. Run the 180 on her (change your behaviors 180 degrees). Be polite, but interested in her. Start detaching.
> 
> Start emulating her ex. If my wife told me that there was something about quality X that really turned her on, I would start showing her quality X immediately.
> 
> Maybe she will notice and put forth some effort in the bedroom. If not, you'll be better prepared for divorce.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> The Healing Heart: The 180


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Time to Alpha up my man


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## Toshiba2020

man up, start acting tough, do your own thing, go out with the guys etc. Either she will notice and start doing a few things to keep you around or she will get pissed/not care and it is time to move on. Either way i think you have little to loose


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## deejov

Common problem, complex solutions.

As a woman, maybe give her time to initiate or start it. think of it this way... you have explained her a million times that you want to have sex daily. She KNOWS you are going to bust a move, she might even dread it somedays. 

Back down, cool off a bit, spend some time on hobbies, go to the gym, do things that make you physically tired (find an alternative avenue for your daily stress) so that it's not so prominent in your life. find a bit of a balance between everyday and none. 

Do you know what her sex drive is? It's not everyday, obviously, at her age, with kids that are a handful. (Teens in the house)
So what would you be happy with? Could you live with 2x a week or is this a 7x a week thing for you?


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## Dr. Rockstar

Of course she doesn't initiate sex. She doesn't need to because she knows she can get it whenever she wants, no problem. There's a business theory that states that desire of a product decreases as availability for that product increases. Basically, the easier something is to get, the less desirable it becomes.

I don't generally like to advise stepping back, but I think in this case I agree with everyone else. Cool off your libido if you can and let her chase you. When we're saying you should emulate her ex, it doesn't mean you have to become a raging duochebag. It just means you should put yourself in a position where she has to pursue you for sex, because it clearly seems like that is what she wants.


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## that_girl

What were her views on all of this before marriage?


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## dblj22rsvl

I see what your saying its just easier said than done when Ive had frustration so long. So basically reverse physcology on her is the recipe. Ill keep you posted im so glad I found this forum. Others are exteremely out dated and you get no responses thanx guys!


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## Browncoat

*Dean* said:


> I agree with others about cooling things off.
> 
> But also, every husband does something, has something that turns their wife on. What ever that is, do more or wear it more often, but don't attack her. Build up her desire for you.
> 
> If her desire is strong enough, it will over come any fear she has and she will rip your clothes off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish that were true. My wife has never come close to anything resembling ripping my clothes off. Not even something in the same ballpark.

I agree with others though, give her some space. Pressure has never made my wife excited about anything.


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## DanF

I agree with the other posts and think you should do one more thing.

Tell her exactly how you feel and what you intend to do, which is leave if the love life doesn't improve.
Then back up your words.


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## chillymorn

when your resentment gets the better of you you will leave.and then she will try.

some people are just takers until its to late.


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## Browncoat

*Dean* said:


> When you were dating your wife or when you first got married, didn't you play around in the bedroom or apt.....clowning around trying to turn her on?
> 
> Summers are hot in Texas, I used to take off my dress shirt, still have my slacks and shoes on and get down to the music while cooking my wife dinner when we were dating. I later found out how much that turned her on. When I do that still to this day, when the mood is right, I get attacked.
> 
> Every woman has something they saw in their husband that turned them on. Just re find it and play it up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry don't want to ninja the thread, but to answer your question no she's never been that way. What gets her excited is me touching her. But no matter what I do (aside from touching her), say or look like she has never come close to that. I'm in decent shape now, and when we dated I was in great shape (6 foot, 195 lbs and could do 6 sets of 5 reps with 300+ lbs). I'm a decent looking guy (so I've been told), it's just never been that way with her.


So to get back to the OP, sorry but at least my case (and possibly for you), it may never happen.


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## crossbar

Don't expect a solution to your problem. I'm in the same boat as you. The wife never starts anything, although she does give it up most of the time when I make the first move, but she never starts it or makes the first move....EVER.

I started a thread just like you and all I got was a bunch of women essentially telling me to shut the hell up and be thankful that I'm getting any at all.

Good luck!


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## Hicks

She isn't meeting your needs.

But are you meeting her needs? You don't talk about that. It's crucial that you meet her emotional needs before you can expect her to meet yours.


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## reset button

I had a loss of sex drive in my early 30s due to hormone imbalance from taking birth control pills.

I just didn't care for sex and was in a "depressed" state.

Tell her how you feel and ask her to see a docor.
If she is taking hormonal birth control stop and switch to condoms for awhile.
Can't hurt to try.
Good luck


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## Complexity

PHTlump said:


> So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving.
> 
> So stop asking for sex like an awkward teenager. Start ignoring your wife. Not just at bed time. She would love that. All the time. Run the 180 on her (change your behaviors 180 degrees). Be polite, but uninterested in her. Start detaching.
> 
> Start emulating her ex. If my wife told me that there was something about quality X that really turned her on, I would start showing her quality X immediately.
> 
> Maybe she will notice and put forth some effort in the bedroom. If not, you'll be better prepared for divorce.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> The Healing Heart: The 180


While I see the wisdom in this, I just don't see the point. The OP has to essentially live an act for the rest of his life to get his wife to find him sexually arousing. 

That's pretty depressing to be honest.


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## Dr. Rockstar

Complexity said:


> While I see the wisdom in this, I just don't see the point. The OP has to essentially live an act for the rest of his life to get his wife to find him sexually arousing.
> 
> That's pretty depressing to be honest.


I don't think the point here is for him to adopt a whole new lifestyle. I think it's so they can restore the balance to the situation, and get his wife into a headspace where she actively desires him instead of being totally dismissive to his wants.


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## isla~mama

I tried 180ing my husband and he was perfectly content to be ignored and left alone. We went from having sex maybe once a month to maybe once a year.  I hope it works for you though.


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## PHTlump

Complexity said:


> While I see the wisdom in this, I just don't see the point. The OP has to essentially live an act for the rest of his life to get his wife to find him sexually arousing.
> 
> That's pretty depressing to be honest.


Welcome to life. Sometimes, it's depressing. Although, I don't necessarily find it depressing to give someone what they want in exchange for them giving you what you want. That's just normal social interaction.

You may say that you find it depressing to be forced to smile and politely interact with other people when you leave your house. But that's the way you get them to be polite back to you. If you ignore people, they will ignore you. If you scream at people, they won't be polite to you.

The OP's wife has basically told him that he is too available. She has communicated that she doesn't find that attractive, and thus isn't interested in sex with him. Now, he could choose to ignore this information and hope she has a spontaneous change of heart. Or, he could just say that giving his wife what she asks for is too depressing. Or, he could just give her what she wants and be happy.

I'm a pretty practical guy, so I'll choose being happy most days over being justifiably indignant, or understandably depressed.


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## Mikki

I can understand how you feel. I'm in the same situation. My wife was extremely intimate before and then we got married a few years back. SHe has a child from a previous 1 night stand, but that was before we got serious. She alwys said that when I walk around the bedroom in underwear it turns her on. I am extremely romantic and love spoiling my partner. Her birthdays and Christmas she always gets expensive presents. Since we moved to the UK 2 years ago, she doesnt work and doesnt need to as I earn a good salary.

For over a year, I have to pull the first moves. Just before that we would suprise me and take my pants off etc., but now nothing. I alwyas hold her romatically in the kitchen etc and pass jokes and hints, but she NEVER returns the favour. When I do pass the move, she is always pleased and mostly climaxes twice. What confuses me is even when I do the first move and during Oral, she hardly touched me, bet she doesnt act like she doesnt want to though.

At the moment I am lost and feeling unwanted never mind used as I think what am I here for then.

I'm also going to start to back off. Unfortunately that effects me as I'm extremely romantic.


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## Overitau

Well, when you roll over in your sleep and go to hug her and she says repeatedly "stop it" enough to wake you up... Let me know what you do. I know I've never felt so unwanted. I have always done the cooking, cleaning, etc. as I work shift work so that excuse is bunkum! I've never cheated, or even come close. 
It's amazing how someone you fell in love with can become so foreign. I'd get turned on just watching her get ready for a shower. I've been turned away and ignored for so long now that I don't even bother to look. Tonight's episode may be the straw that breaks this camel's back. I don't know how much of this I can put up with.


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## DTO

PHTlump said:


> So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving.


Yup. Or, she really did not like him either but had sex with him because he would not tolerate her if she did not. That makes you the safe person whom she feels she can ignore.

Either way, you're not getting the sex you need. If you get some more edge to you, you may indeed get more sex. The question is would she really find you more attractive if you acted different, or would she just do it out of obligation and "damage control"?

Let's say if you choose not to emulate her ex. Rather than approach it as you are now, what if you just put your foot down and insisted your needs matter for the marriage to survive? I also don't think you should have to emulate someone else to get your needs met. Consider also that since she divorced him, things must not have worked out on some level.

Also consider that you don't really know what happened during their marriage. Potentially, all you have is a bitter, resentful ex-wife saying "I knocked his socks off and he still left. He's an a-hole and I'm not doing that again".


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## east2west

Complexity said:


> While I see the wisdom in this, I just don't see the point. The OP has to essentially live an act for the rest of his life to get his wife to find him sexually arousing.
> 
> That's pretty depressing to be honest.


He doesn't have to live an act for the rest of his life.

He has to learn how to act for the rest of his life.


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## Jwayne

Don't feel like you're alone in this one. My wife doesn't even know how to try and turn me on. You would think that she would want to just because she knows she has the power to do it. But, nothing, .... Sex is maybe once every 2 weeks, when the stars and moon are aligned on a certain angle and only if that's after 10 on a Friday night. If you have any frozen goods that you need kept cold, give them to my wife and they'll be kept frozen.


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## Jwayne

Anyway, it's a little frustrating to know that she doesn't have any sex drive at all. It sounds very similar to your issue as well. I would actually pay my wife to go and slip on just one of my button down shirts without any clothes on and invite me to the bedroom. That would be awesome. The odd thing is, why doesn't she want to light the fire, so to speak. And please, don't give me the "have you met her needs bit." I've tried on occasion and nothing changes. It's very hard to understand and it gets even worse when I see other women on here and say, " I like to do it for my man because I know he likes it". So , why doesn't my wife think like that. ........


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## PHTlump

Old thread, guys.


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## justinjd86

Well in my experience, and I'm sure in a lot of other men's experience what you need to do IS step back a little bit, and also do things with the kids make more of an effort to be best friends with them, take them to see baseball games or take them to see movies more often, kids love that, go on road trips just for the fun of it kids also love that believe it or not take them somewhere they have never been before, also do more around the house/apartment, to help out take some if not most of the stress away from your wife so that she has more time to focus on herself and believe me women love sex just as much as men, and they have needs too and maybe just maybe those needs are the stress like the kids and the house/apartment cleaning and those are avenues to her sex drive once she see's how much of an effort you are putting forth to help her out, also do you work most of the time? if you do I would suggest spend some time with the kids and her after or before you are done/leave for work, and as for the ignore your wife suggestions that only works in the movies, think about it if you did everything you see in movies either you would be rich or you would be locked up behind bars, only some women react to the ignore factor, believe me women like to believe that they are superior to men when it comes to their attitude so that means they like to try and wear the "pants" in the family, but if you do all of this that I mentioned she will notice and she will be turned on more.

P.S my wife told me that she finds me more attractive when I do more around the house and with our kid not that I don't already and that shes more turned on by me, that's the key you need to turn her on in different ways other then trying to initiate sex


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## justinjd86

also your a guy so you know how easy it is for us to be turned on, women need to to so little to turn us on and yet we need to do so much to turn them on, so we do the hard work, and the hard work pay's off


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## Shaggy

I see zombies


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## CuddleBug

dblj22rsvl said:


> I just joined this forum hoping to find some answers tips or anything that could help. I am 30 yrs old my wife is 33. We have 3 children total she has 2 from previous I have 1. Our marriage has been tough since day 1 her children are very hard to deal with. This I understand though there teens and I am a step dad.
> 
> The problem lies within our sex life which is disappointing to me to say the least. I have an extremely high sex drive. I wish to have sex daily and my wife doesnt seem to have the same desire. I am constantly the one asking or trying to be intimate with my wife . Often I am turned down or told later which never comes. I have told my wife it seems a thousand times how important sex is to me and me being happy in this marriage. Still no change. SHe in 2 years has never initiated sex not one time. Not suprise bj no lingerie no nothing! I pride my self on my fitness so she cant say she isnt attracted to me I am hit on daily by all types of woman. I just want my wife to want me!
> 
> She doesnt get how simple we men are. I have tried all avenues to explain to her that I am done I cant handle any more neglect. She isnt stupid and has to understand I have laid it out there so many times. Ive decided she doesnt care. This is even tougher when I know her past and past sexual experiences. Ive asked her to do many things to spice up our sex with toys etc I like to take pics that turns me on but nothing from her just excuses and complaints... She did all sorts of things for her pos ex and I get nothing and I married her. I truly get enraged when I am rejected. Last night she said ill wear my lingerie tonight something she has never worn for me but bought after year of me asking her to. Come bed time nothing she climbed into bed in pj and fell asleep like always. I am pissed and done. I have considered an affair but figure why? Just leave if im not happy. Im young still and good looking I deserve better. What should I do She will likely never change at this point? Does she care? All people that have this issue or any other sexual one seem to end in divorce or cheating. I understand why now> Men are simple and so are our needs. I just need to feel she wants me sometimes and she wont do it. Despite being very sexual in her past relationships she told me that her ex never gave her enough and told me the things she did to try to excite him... I get nothing! Im at the end of my patience what should I do???????



As your wife, she should be taking care of your needs, and in this situation its your high sex drive. She knows this, you've had talks with her about it and she doesn't change or do anything. She is being selfish and not taking care of you out of love.

Sounds like she is a dud and short of divorce papers, nothing will get her to change and be worthy of being in a relationship with you. Put up with her BS or divorce her and find a real woman that has a healthy sex drive and loves taking care of your needs. Many out there.

What you've described sounds like my wifee for the last 13+ years of marriage bliss but we don't have kids yet.

She gave her all for her first hubby and now you are the second one and the effort isn't there anymore. Plus having 3 kids will drain and kill her sex drive, and meds might be required.

If women like yours can't get it through their heads that us men need sex regularly and adventurous, etc., they deserve the consequences, which unfortunately is cheating, affairs and divorce.

When you get married, you are not your own anymore and are to take care of your other halves needs or just stay single.

I feel for yah.

Whether I do little to no chores or the majority of the chores, this doesn't increase my wife's sex drive. She just doesn't have to do chores when she gets home from work later than I do.

I've pretty much ignored my wifee and there is no sex for 1 - 1.5 months. She gets really upset and then forces us to have sex. Not the kind of love and sex I need.


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## jay1365

You guys are describing classic passive agressive behavior. Once I figured out my wife was PA, and why I was atracted to her precisely because of it, our marriage did a 180 back to the lusty pre marriage days. Your wives are simply repeating learned behaviors from their childhood, and we men who stay with them generally have codependency issues. If you think your spouse is driving you crazy, you are right. One big mistake is to tell a PA what you like. You'll never get it again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Suspecting




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## WorkingOnMe

Zombie thread and bad advice all in one. Congratulations.


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## musicman1970

I'm in the same boat as you. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty much done trying to touch her. A man can only do so much before he says "forget it"


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## alexm

musicman1970 said:


> I'm in the same boat as you. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty much done trying to touch her. A man can only do so much before he says "forget it"


Double zombie thread! 2012, 2013 and now 2015. Impressive!

In any case, this topic is repeated numerous times here on TAM, and in between the "she's cheating on you" and the "she's just not into you" replies, there's one solid piece of advice that fits:

Quit making a big deal out of it with your spouse. Whatever the reason for the lack of sex to creep into the marriage, putting all the pressure on ones spouse makes it worse.

Whether one likes to hear it or not, 9 x out of 10, it's a "you" issue (even if you don't think it is). People generally don't want to have sex with somebody they're not attracted to, and attraction can be fleeting, and it can come and go. What somebody found attractive about you 5 years ago, could be boring to them now, or they could simply take it for granted.

As well, being with the same person for x-number of years (and only them) and/or always having the same sex, same positions, initiating the same way, on the same days, etc. leaves little room for excitement.

My wife and I try to mix it up as much as possible (and I still have some work to do with this). When we were first together, she had never had sex with someone the way she had sex with me - in other words, she was used to not having much attention paid to her, and otherwise relatively quick sex (especially with her ex, I learned). For the previous 4 years of her life before me, she was lucky if she had even one orgasm during sex, and it was always more or less the same every time.

With me, right off the bat, I paid attention to her, did new things, took my time, and ensured she enjoyed herself, too.

Then 4 or so years into our relationship, I found myself in the same boat as the original OP, as well as you, and wondered why. It took some time and some communication, but generally speaking - same problem, it's always the "same". And as crazy as I thought she was at that point (I mean come on, I was making sure she had multiple O's, I paid lots of attention to her, I was doing the things she liked, etc.) - it WAS always the same.

So we figured that out, and now we mix it up a little bit, but I do still have trouble just banging away sometimes (which is what she actually wants from time to time. Go figure.) I've learned to read her, and I'm usually successful at determining if she wants a longer session or something shorter, if she's good with one O, or in the mood for several, etc etc etc. But my issue was that I wasn't doing that for years, and I just assumed she always wanted like 4 or 5 O's and this or that.

So no matter how good the sex is, theoretically, people don't always want it that way. My ego got in the way, as I thought I was freakin' awesome in bed and she'd want it that way every single time until we're too old to have sex any more.

And believe me, this scenario is worse if your partner isn't even satisfied with what you're doing (been there, done that - ex wife).

So what I've learned is that people want variety. We all do. As most of us take our marriage vows seriously and don't go and get variety elsewhere, it's up to both parties to "mix it up" a little, imo. If you're lucky enough to be physically sexually compatible with your spouse, you can stretch it out much longer than if you're not, but you usually end up at the same regardless, if you don't incorporate some variety into your sex life.

And the same goes for your marriage, too, outside of the sex. It's perilously easy to get into the mindset of "you again?" If it's the same old, same old, day in and day out, it's not difficult to lose interest in one's partner. I am currently viewing my wife that way, as she's on quite the schedule these days. She and I haven't had any time to ourselves in a few months, and her schedule is the same every day. But it'll change, and we'll get out of this rut. Ironically enough, it's made me not be as interested in her sexually lately. Not her fault, it is what it is, but we'll get out of it.

Also, to make a long thread even longer, the worst thing one can possibly do when the sex has slowed to a trickle is to complain about it and put all the pressure on the one spouse. I learned this the hard way, too. You want to be making yourself more attractive to him/her, not less. And by whining, getting angry or frustrated, or otherwise putting it all on them, that's exactly what you're doing.

It's all the little things outside of the bedroom that will get you some action IN the bedroom. When you meet someone and start dating, you show the best side of yourself and make all kinds of efforts to be attractive. People often lose sight of this once a relationship gets serious, and especially after marriage. But marriage still requires one to maintain the attractiveness - from both sides. So in this case, and most of these cases, the one person has lost site of this and no longer feels like they have to put forth quite the same effort as they did in the courtship phase.

I did this with sex. I was so good at it with my wife, that I thought all I had to do was maintain that level for our entire marriage, and I was good to go. She'd want it all the time, and how could she not? With her, it became an ego thing for me - something I knew I was good at - so I don't have to change it up, ever. (and trust me, my wife is the only woman I've been able to fully satisfy in bed like this, so it's not like I think I'm a super stud or anything.) And here's the really ironic thing about our "issue" - my wife did not WANT all the attention paid to her after a while. Although she physically enjoyed it (and still does), from time to time she wants me to just take her, bang away, and enjoy MYself, rather than spend so much time worrying about HER pleasure. And I actually get that mindset. From time to time, I wouldn't mind my wife just jumping on me, riding away and having a good, hard orgasm without all the other stuff.

The trick is, obviously, to not do that every single time. Just as she didn't appreciate the old "jackhammer" every. single. time. from her ex, she also doesn't want the complete opposite every. single. time. from me. Go figure, right? But you know what? I wouldn't want that, either. My wife is very good at pleasing me, but she doesn't always do the same thing. No matter how good she is at oral, I probably wouldn't want it every single time as foreplay, either. You'd get to a point where sex is basically scripted, and both people know what's coming next. And that's more or less how she felt. She knew what to expect. No matter how good it actually felt, it gets into your head after a while. "Oh, he's going to do this now, followed by that, and then the other thing." Wash, rinse, repeat.

In the last year or so, some of the best sex she's enjoyed has been quickies, or me skipping a step or two, or just getting right to the point. Psychologically, this seems to have done wonders for her, and I suspect it actually makes her feel more wanted and desirable by me.


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## JonJonJon

crossbar said:


> Don't expect a solution to your problem. I'm in the same boat as you. The wife never starts anything, although she does give it up most of the time when I make the first move, but she never starts it or makes the first move....EVER.
> 
> I started a thread just like you and all I got was a bunch of women essentially telling me to shut the hell up and be thankful that I'm getting any at all.
> 
> Good luck!


Yup - same thing here.
I love my wife but she just doesn't seem to ever want to initiate anything and most of the time when I try to get something going she just isn't interested. 
I have to admit she has been known to initiate something - but that only happens maybe once every 2 years. We might have sex twice one week and then nothing for 3 months. It's been like that for the last 20 years. 
She's put up with some crap from me over the years - so I know she loves me. She just is almost never interested. She swears she enjoys it, but in her case actions shout louder than words. I've commented on it many times and she gets a little defensive.

I've mostly given up and decided to just enjoy the many other things we do together. I guess that I should be glad that I'm now on some medicine that has a known side effect to significantly decrease male libido.


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## bbaaddaazz

dblj22rsvl said:


> I just joined this forum hoping to find some answers tips or anything that could help. I am 30 yrs old my wife is 33. We have 3 children total she has 2 from previous I have 1. Our marriage has been tough since day 1 her children are very hard to deal with. This I understand though there teens and I am a step dad.
> 
> The problem lies within our sex life which is disappointing to me to say the least. I have an extremely high sex drive. I wish to have sex daily and my wife doesnt seem to have the same desire. I am constantly the one asking or trying to be intimate with my wife . Often I am turned down or told later which never comes. I have told my wife it seems a thousand times how important sex is to me and me being happy in this marriage. Still no change. SHe in 2 years has never initiated sex not one time. Not suprise bj no lingerie no nothing! I pride my self on my fitness so she cant say she isnt attracted to me I am hit on daily by all types of woman. I just want my wife to want me!
> 
> She doesnt get how simple we men are. I have tried all avenues to explain to her that I am done I cant handle any more neglect. She isnt stupid and has to understand I have laid it out there so many times. Ive decided she doesnt care. This is even tougher when I know her past and past sexual experiences. Ive asked her to do many things to spice up our sex with toys etc I like to take pics that turns me on but nothing from her just excuses and complaints... She did all sorts of things for her pos ex and I get nothing and I married her. I truly get enraged when I am rejected. Last night she said ill wear my lingerie tonight something she has never worn for me but bought after year of me asking her to. Come bed time nothing she climbed into bed in pj and fell asleep like always. I am pissed and done. I have considered an affair but figure why? Just leave if im not happy. Im young still and good looking I deserve better. What should I do She will likely never change at this point? Does she care? All people that have this issue or any other sexual one seem to end in divorce or cheating. I understand why now> Men are simple and so are our needs. I just need to feel she wants me sometimes and she wont do it. Despite being very sexual in her past relationships she told me that her ex never gave her enough and told me the things she did to try to excite him... I get nothing! Im at the end of my patience what should I do???????


leave her because she is getting it somewhere else. she is giving you dignity so you dont taste the other man.


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