# how do you go through a separation while still living together?



## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

Last night my husband and I decided on a separation, unfortunately we cannot live in two different households because we just dont have the money available to do that. I have a 2 year old that is his step child, we had a baby together in July but she passed away after a week of being born and this has put our marriage of just 1 year in a tail spin. He started drinking heavily, and has kissed another woman on one occasion, we have both been verbally and physically abusive towards each other and as much as this hurts and neither of us want this we know it is for the best. I deeply still love him but I dont know how to live with him and be separated at the same time. We made a rule to not sleep in the same room, no sex or intimacy, we pay the bills separately and we agreed to not date or see anyone else until the divorce papers are signed. It is so hard to not talk to him during the day or kiss him when he comes home from work. How do I do this? We have also talked about couples counseling to possibly work through this but if we haven't made a decision by February we are just going to go ahead with the divorce. Can someone give a little bit of advice on how to handle this or maybe a personal story. Thank you.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

You deeply still love him...worth working for I would say. Much easier than divorce.

How about MC? or Marriage workshops? Some are free.

My life was extremely at its lowest last January. Wife had left very suddenly for 4 months. MLC. But I stayed with it and had to do a 180 as best I could, but I really loved her and saw she was someone completely different during that period. Patience was the key and worth the wait.

Don't give up without a fight!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

BTW: I am so sorry for the loss of your child. Do you know about the study that shows that many couples fall apart after the loss of the child, but time heals all wounds fo those who stick with it. 

I think your child would not want to have ever thought they were a part of breaking you two apart. You both need healing and each other.


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

I agree, thats why we are trying but this is so hard. Our one year anniversary is sunday and its tearing me apart to know that we wont be together. We had problems before she passed away, we both have a lot of emotional issues that make me think this wont work. He drinks a lot and I despise that because my dad was also a drunk that ended up choosing alcohol over me.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Can you get into counseling together? Leta professional help guide you through the storm.


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

Yeah, we talked about counseling, we went to one session the day he told me he kissed someone else (monday). He said he would continue to go. He is just mad at me right now because I dont want to be intimate with him. I dont trust him at all and he is taking all his anger out on me. Everything I ask him he just says 'sure' like he doesnt really care either way.


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