# Is this worth trying to save?



## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

We have been married 7 years. We been through so much. his exwife cause alot of trouble. Like showing up at our hotel on vacation. signing him up for porn to his phone on vacation. lying to a man for four years that a child was his. She has taught the kids. To come her steal from us ruin things. It got to the point they are no longer welcome. It was a decision my husband made with reluctance. He told them they can only come back with counseling. I have read stepmonster. I realize I need to go to the counselor once either with him or by myself to have her make sure I am represented in the working out the issues. I am tired of being stuck in the middle and abused by his kids his ex. This is not who I am. He doesn't appreciate me. I am here babysitting and the flat out tell me I don't need to listen to you. Like when its' time for bed to go to bed. 

Our marriage has it own issues he's been trying but I deep down feel its all a big lie. I caught him again lying to me and he said he just forgot. Both my son and I caught his friends face when his friend revealed by accident he was caught lying again. I looked at him and said I can't deal with the lying much longerafter they left. Almost no trust for him and I still love him or maybe it's the person I met and married not the person he is now. Problem for me is I really dont want a divorce. I know though if he will not fix the marriage one person cannot make it work.
He is very selfish and he will not stop the cheap shots and really just work on the marriage. I am sahm and having huge health issues. He takes me to the doctors and he is not really there for me. He hasn't noticed that I am so overwhelmed with my decision for a masetomy or treatment with breast left on he has no clue how I am feeling or how overwhlemed I am.I have a kidney tumor also.
I have no support system. My friends we moved away from all of them and for five years now I don't drive and not working and My mom lives 40 minutes away and is too far for her to drive. For five years she has not helped me at all. Under ten times in five years have I even had a break from my five year old. He is now finally in kindergarten. My oldest son is away at college and I only have my 17 year old and don't want to overwhelm him. He is not liking that my husband is so slefish anymore and knows that his kids will just come back and cause trouble. 
His one partner at work is a woman and he is confiding in her to much. She is the person he keeps lying about working with etc. She is suppose to be involved with another man but I dont know that for sure and I find their conversations he tells me about too personal.
For whatever reasons he works on this when he feels like it and when you try to tell him my feelings he yells over me and tells me how he thinks I feels. I want to save the marriage If he will work on it and make changes cause I still love him and I don't want a second child to grow up divorced. I need him to make changes and he only wants to when he feels ike it. I cannot afford cousneling for us and his kids. I know if he goes with his kids and our marriage is not fixed and they come and cause trouble we are finished. I just cannot take anymore destruction. Deleting my dad's pictures that's passed stealing etc. I've tried to get him to stop the cycle. The marriage counselor told him he is on a merry go round and one of us needs to get off. He keeps doing things and fighting the way he did with his ex which is real destructive. I try to stop him by saying let's stick to the problems like the counselor suggested. Instead he play all sort of games and acts like his feeling don't matter. Does digs during the discussion he pretty much just avoids the real issues and acts like a child. It gets to the pont where I become so stressed I just need to walk away. He is not hearing what I am saying even when he does he twist it and my feelings with stuff never get addressed. I can't stand it anymore and I have enough going on with my health any suggestions or if he don't want to fix it do I need to walk? I feel like the whole marriage was a sham on his part. That he never eally cared for me. A few weeks after we were married he changed so much. He went from caring husband to selfish really selfish. I have seen lately he tried some but he gets in these moods and he is impossible to talk to. I can't work anything out with him he will not realize he is wrong if he does he just plays a game to avoid dealing with his feelings or apoligizing or even just fixing it. When I tell him my feelings do matter he just starts the games or yells at me. Advice?


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## TTN (Sep 9, 2013)

I dont have any advice for you because I am going through a very similar situation with my husband but I did want to tell you that I understand and you are not going through this by yourself no marriage is perfect and the fact that you are hear trying to get help shows that you care and that speaks volumes...good luck I hope everything works out for you.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

He sounds like a nightmare...abusive too...emotionally very much so! The whole environment you have landed in sounds toxic. Find support, reconnect with lost friends and get out hon. A relationship is a two-way street and this is one-way. He plays games and undermines emotions, he is selfish and you can't make him change ... but you can change your life and where you are, who you are with and what you can achieve. Get out, RUN! xx


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