# counselling session number five.



## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

two weeks ago, the counsellor tells my wife and i she wants the next session to be concentrated on our lack of intamacy as we have only had sex 3-5 times in 3 years.

So i was looking forward to it as i see it as themajor issue for us.

So we start the session and all they talk about is life in general and all the positives. Then with 15mins to go she eventually says

" Are you two touching and cuddling more?"

I said "yes a little however no where near enough as i think my wife worries it will leave to sex and she seems scared or not interested anymore, We have only had sex 3-5 times in three years"

She replies "Do you try to pursue her lately"
I said "NO, i have more or less stopped trying as i think its a lost cause at the moment"

Counsellor says "do you ever think you will have sex again?"

I say " At this stage no, no i dont"

She turns to wife and asks "do you get horny and ever want sex or even just get horny, in bed or in your dreams?"
Wife says " NO, sex just doesnt interest me, im not interested"

Counellor says "It could be because you have low iron and were depressed months ago" THE END.

THATS IT.......spent 2 minutes on the issue then moved on to other stuff. WHAT THE????


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Brenden,

Let me help you with some advice....

DITCH THE COUNSELING SESSIONS! They will not help you with your issue.

Wives do not like to talk about sex in front of others.

Now buy some books and read them... some for you and some for her. Lay hem out if she won't read them highlight certain parts and read them aloud to get her opinion on it when you talk. Just start talking about sex not necessarily about her. She needs to get sex in her mind again. Get a book on sexual positions too. One on men's sexuality, and one on women's sexuality. Have them around and open for discussion weekly small parts of them.

Get your wife "Sex essentials" at a health food store. Encourage her to take the natural pills. I just ordered my wife womens natural homeopathic testosterone cream at amazon. It helps sex drive and their energy level too. 

Tell her you are willing to help her through this by being patient and understanding.

Start with non-sexual touch with lots of variety, have once a week discussions about family and about your sex life including non sexual encounters. Take her out on dates with only non-sexual touch. Be very patient. Show her your touch is not about sex. But a show of affection for her as a person. Encourage her to touch yo back non-sexually perhaps give you a shoulder massage. You need to touch each other a lot.

She needs to awaken to sex on her own. NO ONE WILL CONVINCE HER. This is now your job to save your marriage.

If she won't talk face to face... start an e-mail exchange.

You have to do non-sexual touch to build a sexual response in her. You need to "pursue" her. See if she is ok with non-sexual massage or even a non sexual bath or shower eventually. try eventually to see if she is ok with kisses on the cheek. GO SLOW.

She MOST DEFINATELY has some sexual trauma to deal with (Its not always an obvious trama)... she needs to trust you feel safe with you to open up again to you.

Good Luck... take ownership... there is no quick fix.. no magic bullet.

BE Happy BE UPBEAT always.

Take the lead in your marriage... women like decisive men.


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## ACQMAN (Nov 29, 2011)

As long as the focus and issue is "sex," she most likely will not come around (in the way you are looking for her to). 

I suggest you stop putting sex on a pedestal - yes its important, very important in a relationship, but work on continuing intimacy in non-sexual ways. You want to seduce her mind and emotion, before you can seduce her body.

Another great tip is when you do go for it, and if you get shot down, write it off as no big deal. If you get upset or frustrated, it's only going to create a bigger wedge between the two of you...


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

The responses to the other posters are good, but in the end, the THERAPIST has made the lack of sex, any sex, a non-issue. And the therapist is supposed to be the expert. Brendan, you have to raise this as the first issue the next session - and don't let it go until you feel it's been discussed properly. And then, look for another therapist.

It doesn't matter if your wife doesn't like to talk about the sex that she's not having, but it has to be made clear that sex is an important part of a marriage. Your wife clearly doesn't think so and your therapist has seconded that opinion by her actions. This needs to be addressed.

Call your therapist out on this issue during the session and ask her specifically what needs to be done about it. I think the suggestions are good to get your wife to think about more sex, but 3-5 times in 3 years is a sexless marriage. If your wife hears the message that sex is important, then the pills, books, creams might help. 

(Personally, I couldn't imagine what my wife would do with pills I gave her for her sex drive. Actually, I could imagine - and from reading other posts - there would be some here quite excited about the prospect!)


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