# PTSD life and emotional/mental abuse



## MommyOf2+8 (Nov 18, 2013)

A little about me: I have been with to the man I love for almost 8 years now. We have been married for 7 of those years. He is a retired Army vet that was medically retired after last Iraq tour. He is 14 1/2 years older. When we first met, I felt that he was my soulmate. He really was a wonderful man. And still is at times. About 7 months after we got together, we moved in together. And that is when I started noticing that he wasn't the man that I fell in love with. Don't get me wrong, I still loved him but he was different. He would fly off the handle for small things. He went so far as to tell me that he could not stand my 4 year old. He always acted like he was his little buddy. Not sure why he said this. Looking back, I think he resents the relationship I have with my kids. He has 8 children and is only close to 1 of them. Soon you will see why.*
My husband was diagnosed with PTSD in 2010 when he came back from his last overseas tour. I have read so much on this and kind of know what to watch for. The problem is, the symptoms that I see are more to the tune of BPD. For example, he can go from sweet and loving to a raging, screaming person if he thinks I said I love you in anything other than a cotton candy sweet voice, he has severed all ties with his family (except with his kids), he cuts me down and belittles me, he does the same with his kids, he cusses at all of us but can be so sweet when anyone is around, he constantly thinks everyone is against him, he tries to test me all the time, by this, I mean that for instance, today he said his blood pressure was up, I told him I would check it and he said no, don't worry about it, he said he would be ok. Well a few hours later he told me I am supposed to take care of him and just because he said no that I should have anyway. Something that I say that normally don't cause a problem, such as good morning baby, he will get upset about, other times he don't. I have the walking on eggshells feeling all the time. I never know what will set him off. The kids that are still in the home stay in their rooms most of the time. I am about 30 pounds overweight and he tells me that he will not be married to a fat woman and that I had better do something about it. I am up for hours at night because I am so tore up that I can't fall asleep. I will sleep a little later in the morning because of this. He gets so upset. He expects me by his side 24/7/365. He will call the kids names and scream at them at the top of his lungs. He must say 50 times a day that he is pissed or he is gonna kick someone's ***. Always negative and it brings us all down. If he buys me something then later he will blame me because of the price and blame me because he bought it. If we get low on cash because of this, he tells me it's my fault that he can't make a trip to see his kids. He also blames me because he doesn't have much of a relationship with his kids. My daughter refuses to live with us because of him. She and I talk a lot during the day and he gets mad. I'm sorry but she is my child and needs to talk to her mother. It is my responsibility to be here for my kids at all times.he has never been physical with us. He will throw things and do stupid things like get drunk and then walk 5 miles to the bar without telling me. He sometimes hitchhikes. The last time he went home with 2 women and spent the night. All the while I was worried sick and was calling hospitals and police stations. He thinks he never does anything wrong. If he does he finds a way to blame me. I know there is emotional and verbal abuse mixed in with all of this. I am very depressed because of all this. That is why I eat and sleep so much. It's not so much that I eat a lot under normal standards but if I eat a normal size mean then he will make comments that I eat like a pig. I can eat breakfast around 8 and about 5 I say I'm gonna fix dinner, he will tell me that I just ate breakfast a few hours ago. Anyway he can control and belittle me, he does it. He refuses to go to therapy and tells me that I don't need to go to therapy. If I were to mention it, he goes nuts saying there is nothing wrong with him or me. He constantly manipulates me. He will say that I said something that I know I never did. He will say I did something that I didn't. He keeps on trying to make me think I'm crazy. I could go on and on. I am at the end of my rope. Oh, and I am his in home caregiver so, he has that control. I am in the house with him all the time. I just don't know what else to do. I am completely stuck since my only job is his caregiver. I can't leave the area because my sons dad lives here and the arrangement is that he is with me one week and his dad the next. ( my husband suggested this) I think because he knew I couldn't leave. I rambled on enough. I have not been able to get this off my chest. I have been holding this in for years. Thank you so much for all you so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

> The symptoms that I see are more to the tune of BPD.


Mommy, welcome to the TAM forum. Yes, many of the behaviors you describe -- temper tantrums, lack of impulse control, verbal abuse, controlling nature, always being "The Victim," emotionally unstable, and black-white view of people -- sound like classic traits of BPD -- and a few traits sound like narcissism or sociopathy to some extent. If you are reluctant to leave him, I would suggest that you at least go see a clinical psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a professional's candid opinion on what it is you and the kids are dealing with.

If you decide to D him, I strongly suggest you read _Splitting: Protecting Yourself when Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist._ Another good resource is the "Leaving" and "Parenting after the Split" message boards at BPDfamily.com. Also, there are about 15 good articles in the Resources page at that forum.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MommyOf2+8 said:


> He will call the kids names and scream at them at the top of his lungs.


This is reason enough to leave him. And do what it takes to get the kids away from him.


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