# somebody PLEASE help me



## beccahosierr (Jun 30, 2012)

My name is becca, im 18 and my fiance is 22. We have been together for 2 years now. He proposed to me on my 18th birthday in september, and we have been living together for about 9 months now. Well before all that, everything was completely perfect. Now, he stays at "work" late, hides his phone, wont spend any time with me at all, wont listen to what i have to say, purposely tries to piss me off, he ignores me, doesnt care at all about my feelings, and our sex life is barely existent. I have tried to talk to him about my feelings, but he keeps saying "nothing is wrong, i love you, and i never want to leave". I have almost ended this relationship 2 times, and when i do, he cries and begs. I want love from him, all he wants from me is chores and to get a job.

I feel trapped, I feel like i have spent soo much time in this relationship, that it would be pointless to leave it. I think im too young for this. I keep putting off our wedding, im scared. I feel like my teenage life has been robbed, like i was forced to grow up too soon. My family completely loves him, and would be mad if i left him. Im really lost, i want to leave sooo bad but, if i do, whats going to happen? will i be unhappy the rest of my life? What if i will screw up my one chance of happiness?

We are starting to nit-pick each other like crazy, we sleep on opposite sides of the bed, we fight all the time, he wont cuddle unless i beg or get mad, he shows no affection at all. 

It might sound wierd, but i love him with all my heart no matter what, but im REALLY unhappy. He wont even try to fix anything, he thinks everything is "ok". I dont want to just be satitisfied, i want to be happy. 

I guess my questions are. Should i stay or go? should i wait more? If i leave, how would i do it? what do i say? it will be really hard to leave since we live together. Im lost  please help


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## beccahosierr (Jun 30, 2012)

anyone???


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Becca:

We're here! 

*he stays at "work" late, hides his phone, wont spend any time with me at all, wont listen to what i have to say, purposely tries to piss me off, he ignores me, doesnt care at all about my feelings, and our sex life is barely existent*

This is the behavior of someone who is cheating, but I think you KNOW that already.

*im 18 and my fiance is 22. We have been together for 2 years now...I have almost ended this relationship 2 times*

This is NOT the realtionship for you! You also know THIS already, but you're having a hard time dealing with it because (a) it's ALL you've ever known dating-wise and (b) your family really likes your fiance.

*I feel trapped, I feel like i have spent soo much time in this relationship, that it would be pointless to leave it.*

The only thing worse than wasting 2 years in a 'going nowhere' relationship, is spending 2.5 years in a 'going nowhere' relationship. You are YOUNG. You have only dated ONE GUY (serious dating, not an occassional date to a dance in high school). YOU don't even know who YOU'LL be when you're fully grown (no offense meant, but you're NOT grown yet...even if you think so)...how can you know which man you'll want for a lifetime???

There are two ways to look at the time you've already spent in the relationship (you feel like it's 'so much time' to walk away from) (1) If you live to be 90 years old, the 2 years will be practically NOTHING compared to all the other 88 years you've lived OR (2) If you (God forbid) died next week, is this REALLY how you would have chosen to spend the last 6 months of your life???

Either way, it's time to move out of the apartment and on with your life. Will your fiance cry and beg? Of course he will, but that doesn't change the fact that you two do NOT belong in a long-term permanent relationship. Tell him you've been considering your relationship a lot recently, that he will always hold a special place in your heart as your 'first', give him his ring back and tell him you will not be marrying him, that you're moving out and moving on with your life. Give him a FIRM DATE by which you WILL be moved out of the apartment permanently.

Will your family be upset? Surprised, yes. A little disappointed, yes. But 'UPSET'....not if they love YOU and want YOU to be happy. Tell them better you decide now that you and fiance will not make it long-term than AFTER you're married and have kids you're dragging through a divorce/visitation, etc.

As a 55yo mother, PLEASE heed my advice and resolve to be at least 24/25 before you GET ENGAGED AGAIN! If he is TRULY THE ONE for you, he will respect your decision, respect your resolve to be certain about him and yourself, and respect your need to be truly prepared for a LIFETIME COMMITMENT of being someone's wife and mother.

Good luck, and let us know how you're doing!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You would not believe how many people act like they love someone's fiancée but when they break up the family says they were faking it. Even if they love him, if they knew how he treats you they wouldn't. I agree, two years is nothing. I had a similar situation at your age and I spent way too long trying to make it work with someone who didn't deserve me.
I'm 40 and have a daughter, if she ends up with someone like this I would be so mad and sad. I would want her to get out ASAP. 
If he is cheating on you then you are at risk for STDs and you need to get tested. 
If I were you I would get my family involved and make a plan for leaving. Then do it. Yes he might cry, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants you to be there for him while he goes out and plays the field. He's shown you that he isn't going to try to change. 
It's better to get out before a wedding, because cheaters and abuses just get worse once they feel like they have you trapped.
What bothers me is he was dating you when he was 20 and you were 16. That just seems creepy to me, like he wanted someone younger he could control. Not to mention if you were having sex that was illegal. 
It just seems bad from a lot of angles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Dear Becca -- you are, sadly, right. You are too young for this, you have given up a couple of precious teen years, and you need to get out before you spend anymore time on a relationship that is clearly not going to work out. I'm sorry -- but it's not going to get any better, it's only going to get worse. Please keep posting here, as you'll get lots of good support. I wish you all the best.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Dear Becca -- you are, sadly, right. You are too young for this, you have given up a couple of precious teen years, and you need to get out before you spend anymore time on a relationship that is clearly not going to work out. I'm sorry -- but it's not going to get any better, it's only going to get worse. Please keep posting here, as you'll get lots of good support. I wish you all the best.


In total concurrence with *lamaga* on this one. There is too much compelling evidence working against you here. Although the two of you may love each other dearly, it is all too evident that he is not nearly through sewing his wild oats, and his actions seem to validate that theory. It's fastly time that the two of you said "goodbye" to each other and go your respective ways; get your education in and enjoy being a single uncommitted girl for a few years. It will make all the difference in the world!

I wish you well, my dear!


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