# just to vent...



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

I recently caught my husband in at the very least an emotional affair... 
He then asked for a divorce. 
Things have gone from civil to just pure evil on his end.

Before we went NO CONTACT, he decided to tell me the reason he does not want to be with me is because I am not as sarcastic as he is, and because I am shyer then he is. I am not lacking in any of these traits, but I am not to the "center of attention look at me look at me " that he is. 

Just needed to vent. He has said a TON of hurtful things, this one just boggled my mind as a reason for divorce . LOL


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## Pip’sJourney (Mar 17, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> I recently caught my husband in at the very least an emotional affair...
> He then asked for a divorce.
> Things have gone from civil to just pure evil on his end.
> 
> ...


 I do not think you should believe anything he told-tells you. He majorly gas lights you and I feel he is just lashing out to make it seem like it is your fault. It was his choice to have an EA or more.. thus it was his fault. SMH


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Sounds like he knows he’s a piece of garbage but his brain can’t cope with that so it’s making up reasons why he isn’t garbage - but failing miserably.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> I recently caught my husband in at the very least an emotional affair...
> He then asked for a divorce.
> Things have gone from civil to just pure evil on his end.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you're going through this.

I could very well be wrong, but that isn't the reason for the divorce, it's just the excuse he's feeding you.

I mean, he knew you were shy and not sarcastic while dating you and before he married you and yet he married you.

It's something else, whether he'll ever admit or not is the question.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> I recently caught my husband in at the very least an emotional affair...
> He then asked for a divorce.
> Things have gone from civil to just pure evil on his end.
> 
> ...


Is he one of those guys who says hurtful things and then says he's only joking and gaslights and makes fun of you for taking it seriously as if you're too stupid to catch on that he's funny? Because if so you'll be well rid of him


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> I'm sorry you're going through this.
> 
> I could very well be wrong, but that isn't the reason for the divorce, it's just the excuse he's feeding you.
> 
> ...


Right! We were together 7 years before getting married lol! He knew who I was ! I think a lot of it is the EA! That’s the only reason we ever fought over the past 6-7 months is if I asked about her


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## Hugo41 (Dec 15, 2021)

I've been called "too sarcastic" many times, last one was 3 days ago. I've never thought though the lack of sarcasm is a mortal sin punishable by divorce. Of course I'm being sarcastic here.

Best and take care.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> I recently caught my husband in at the very least an emotional affair...
> He then asked for a divorce.
> Things have gone from civil to just pure evil on his end.
> 
> ...


It sounds like he's making up reasons.
He just needs you to be the bad guy to justify his actions.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Next, it will be because you didn't load the dishwasher correctly or you didn't vacuum leaving diagonal lines like the pros do. It's all nonsense. Paste a smile on your face, shake your head no and chuckle. Eventually he may tire of sounding like a moron.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

My ex-husband once told me, on a rare occasion when he actually admitted he did something wrong, that he cheated because I didn't unpack 4 boxes when we moved. Cheaters are ridiculous. I think it's cognitive dissonance on their part - they think they are the good guy, and their brain needs to rewrite the past in order to make that happen so he's grasping at straws. I think it's always good to examine where you made mistakes in your marriage but the cheating, that is 100% him.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> Next, it will be because you didn't load the dishwasher correctly or you didn't vacuum leaving diagonal lines like the pros do. It's all nonsense. Paste a smile on your face, shake your head no and chuckle. Eventually he may tire of sounding like a moron.


This ^^^^^^

He’s just making up his own bull crap to justify his crappy character and behavior. Next he’ll say your left pinky toe is crooked. 

He is poison, stop exposing yourself to him. Let him wallow in his own crappy life. 

Cut him out of your life and go out and make your new life. Everything will be better without him in it.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

NPD. End of story.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Next, it will be because you didn't load the dishwasher correctly or you didn't vacuum leaving diagonal lines like the pros do. It's all nonsense. Paste a smile on your face, shake your head no and chuckle. Eventually he may tire of sounding like a moron.


It’s funny you say that because he did also. He said “I would even be so frustrated with how you loaded the dishwasher I wanted to scream”


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sounds like he knows he’s a piece of garbage but his brain can’t cope with that so it’s making up reasons why he isn’t garbage - but failing miserably.


^ THIS ^


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## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

That is unbelievable!! My cheating husband said he doesn’t want to me with me anymore because (this is one of very many other ridiculous reasons), in his words:

“I never liked going to all those symphonies. We don’t have anything in common.”

That last one is pretty funny because I am a PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN and was before we got married. 

He is simply justifying his affair. Unbelievable that they think we don’t know that.

Also what is it with dishwashers? Seems to be a common thread.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Coloratura said:


> That is unbelievable!! My cheating husband said he doesn’t want to me with me anymore because (this is one of very many other ridiculous reasons), in his words:
> 
> “I never liked going to all those symphonies. We don’t have anything in common.”
> 
> ...


You are making an assumption that HE actually knows what he is doing.

He doesn't. He just knows it doesn't feel like it should, so his brain reverse engineers a reason.

These are the rationalizations a cheater goes through, and it's not all gaslighting, rather they often have actually deluded themselves into believing their own ********. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> It’s funny you say that because he did also. He said “I would even be so frustrated with how you loaded the dishwasher I wanted to scream”


Than maybe you should have loaded it a time or 2. Or be thankful you come home to a spotless house and food on the table every night 👌🏻


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

farsidejunky said:


> You are making an assumption that HE actually knows what he is doing.
> 
> He doesn't. He just knows it doesn't feel like it should, so his brain reverse engineers a reason.
> 
> ...


What doesn’t feel like it should?


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

All the things he has said literally has me questioning if the videos I found were that bad. 😂 it worked for a minute there


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

He is shifting the blame to you to throw you off your game. How sure are you it didn't go physical? He is trying to keep you from learning that it did.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

I’m not at all sure. A few days before I found the first messages that drew my attention - they had been away at a employee appreciation getaway without spouses. Than around October, he came in after a shower to get a different pair of underwear because “ he didn’t want his colleagues to see him in the same color as that day”, then I made a joke about lunchtime quickies with he &I, and the very first thing out of his mouth is well, her house is close, I’ll just ask her for the keys to her house. Then we all went berry picking over the summer - her husband and kids as well, and they disappeared, and her son goes , “I bet they are kissing”. To me he is old enough he doesn’t randomly pop stuff out that he hasn’t seen before. My husband even picked her kids up from daycare before 🤬🤬. So I am not at all sure.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> I’m not at all sure. A few days before I found the first messages that drew my attention - they had been away at a employee appreciation getaway without spouses. Than around October, he came in after a shower to get a different pair of underwear because “ he didn’t want his colleagues to see him in the same color as that day”, then I made a joke about lunchtime quickies with he &I, and the very first thing out of his mouth is well, her house is close, I’ll just ask her for the keys to her house. Then we all went berry picking over the summer - her husband and kids as well, and they disappeared, and her son goes , “I bet they are kissing”. To me he is old enough he doesn’t randomly pop stuff out that he hasn’t seen before. My husband even picked her kids up from daycare before 🤬🤬. So I am not at all sure.


And I noticed his sex drive at home went down , around the time I was informed he started reciprocating the I love yous.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Ldziesinski said:


> I’m not at all sure. A few days before I found the first messages that drew my attention - they had been away at a employee appreciation getaway without spouses. Than around October, he came in after a shower to get a different pair of underwear because “ he didn’t want his colleagues to see him in the same color as that day”, then I made a joke about lunchtime quickies with he &I, and the very first thing out of his mouth is well, her house is close, I’ll just ask her for the keys to her house. Then we all went berry picking over the summer - her husband and kids as well, and they disappeared, and her son goes , “I bet they are kissing”. To me he is old enough he doesn’t randomly pop stuff out that he hasn’t seen before. My husband even picked her kids up from daycare before 🤬🤬. So I am not at all sure.


Oh, I'd be willing to bet a large sum of money it went physical. What does her husband have to say about all this, you two should be comparing notes.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Always Learning said:


> Oh, I'd be willing to bet a large sum of money it went physical. What does her husband have to say about all this, you two should be comparing notes.


He honestly didn’t seem very surprised. She told me husband, he sent me screen shots , that “once your marriage has been over a long time you reach out to others for emotional connection, I’ve seen it like 15 times” their attempt at convincing me otherwise. I said 1. I was never aware of any “big” issues in our marriage until I started questioning you about her, and nice try. She’s already told me you all were at the least having an EA. The texts were veryyyyy scripted!


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Seems to me best thing to do for yourself is to divorce him. You already know what is going on is not right. Give him what he wants and let him be with her and make a better life for yourself.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Always Learning said:


> Seems to me best thing to do for yourself is to divorce him. You already know what is going on is not right. Give him what he wants and let him be with her and make a better life for yourself.


I know it is. He just really has me questioning if the videos were inappropriate 😂


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> I know it is. He just really has me questioning if the videos were inappropriate 😂


And I hate that


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Coloratura said:


> That is unbelievable!! My cheating husband said he doesn’t want to me with me anymore because (this is one of very many other ridiculous reasons), in his words:
> 
> “I never liked going to all those symphonies. We don’t have anything in common.”
> 
> ...


He likely doesn't know what he's saying. He's made unserious issues out to be serious.
It's like, if the situation was reversed, that a women who decided to have an affair justified it by saying the husband was a bad man because he left a magazine on the coffee table. 
Just cut him out and enjoy your life.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> He likely doesn't know what he's saying. He's made unserious issues out to be serious.
> It's like, if the situation was reversed, that a women who decided to have an affair justified it by saying the husband was a bad man because he left a magazine on the coffee table.
> Just cut him out and enjoy your life.


That’s the plan. Divorce has been started and I have blocked all communications from him and before doing so told him if he needed to contact me, it would need to be done through our attorneys


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Is he one of those guys who says hurtful things and then says he's only joking and gaslights and makes fun of you for taking it seriously as if you're too stupid to catch on that he's funny? Because if so you'll be well rid of him


Somtimes, yes - he has done that. I need to learn to take a joke, or that I am just "too" sensitive, and "insecure".


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Megaforce said:


> NPD. End of story.


What is that?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> Somtimes, yes - he has done that. I need to learn to take a joke, or that I am just "too" sensitive, and "insecure".


No. He needs to learn not to be abusive. Those "only joking" guys are gaslighters who like to make others look stupid because for a minute, it makes them feel big to take someone down a peg. It's their own low self-esteem, but they're bullies.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> No. He needs to learn not to be abusive. Those "only joking" guys are gaslighters who like to make others look stupid because for a minute, it makes them feel big to take someone down a peg. It's their own low self-esteem, but they're bullies.


Oh 10000%. I am seeing that so clearly now.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh 10000%. I am seeing that so clearly now.


and when he got caught, confronted and told to F off, then he got mad mad.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> I'm sorry you're going through this.
> 
> I could very well be wrong, but that isn't the reason for the divorce, it's just the excuse he's feeding you.
> 
> ...


I think its his coworker. The girl from their videos


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> and when he got caught, confronted and told to F off, then he got mad mad.


I'm sure.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm sure.


His gaslighting has worked a smidge on me I believe, I have questioned if what I found was ok . SMH


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Ldziesinski said:


> That’s the plan. Divorce has been started and I have blocked all communications from him and before doing so told him if he needed to contact me, it would need to be done through our attorneys


Awesome start. Now work on upping your fabulousness. Start working out. Get your hair nicely styled, splurge on outfits and sexy panties & bra sets. (Something I read on a BW’s thread that crack me up. She said the sexy undies made her feel powerful. As a guy, it didn’t make sense to me but it resonated with a lot of women.). So try it.

As you work on becoming a better version of yourself, he will most likely wake up and come sniffing around. But by that time he’s just going to be someone you used to know.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> His gaslighting has worked a smidge on me I believe, I have questioned if what I found was ok . SMH


Abusers do everything they can to make you feel like you're stupid and worthless and to keep you trapped in a miserable relationship.

I don't think there's any way to change him. What you need to do is believe in yourself and what your gut is telling you and instead of dealing with him, get him out of your life unless there is something about him do you find worth putting up with all this other stuff.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Abusers do everything they can to make you feel like you're stupid and worthless and to keep you trapped in a miserable relationship.
> 
> I don't think there's any way to change him. What you need to do is believe in yourself and what your gut is telling you and instead of dealing with him, get him out of your life unless there is something about him do you find worth putting up with all this other stuff.


Oh no, I am not trying to change him. Our divorce is filed, but I still have moments where I am like ugh maybe those videos of them telling each other they love each other, with a warning text to delete was nothing. haha


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

jsmart said:


> Awesome start. Now work on upping your fabulousness. Start working out. Get your hair nicely styled, splurge on outfits and sexy panties & bra sets. (Something I read on a BW’s thread that crack me up. She said the sexy undies made her feel powerful. As a guy, it didn’t make sense to me but it resonated with a lot of women.). So try it.
> 
> As you work on becoming a better version of yourself, he will most likely wake up and come sniffing around. But by that time he’s just going to be someone you used to know.


haha. Hey ill try whatever to make me feel better!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> Oh no, I am not trying to change him. Our divorce is filed, but I still have moments where I am like ugh maybe those videos of them telling each other they love each other, with a warning text to delete was nothing. haha


That's natural. It's hard to believe someone you loved so much would do it, but they do. So sorry you're going through it.


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