# Raging Triggers and how to cope



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

My triggers have been progressively worse as the year wears on. Worse in all areas of measurement. How many I get a day (probably averaging 2 now), how long they last, how angry I get, it is just getting to the point of being unbearable. 

And since it was about this time last year that the EA started, I know these triggers will only be getting worse as I watch the dates progress to when the PA started, and when this or that happened. I am now to the point where I almost regret knowing so much. I don't even know if it would have been better to let my imagination ran rampant than know the truth. 

Today, I had to come home early after I had a very bad one at work. 
I got an email with a little graphic attachment to it. 
Reminded me of when my wife and OM would send emails and include pictures, and that set me off. That stupid email set me off. At work! And I could barely control myself. Had to take the rest of the day off. Took me an hour to cool down once I got home. 

How do I deal with these triggers? The anger and frustration, everything. It is overpowering. And I am scared that someday, if this keeps up, I'll end up doing something I regret.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You know they are coming and you know how they feel. Practice self control, relaxation techniques, anything you find calming. Lots of books and programs out there that can be useful.

Or you could think of the mess you got into the last time you "lost control".


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

Start the D again


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Or you could think of the mess you got into the last time you "lost control".


Which time are you referring to? 



boogie110 said:


> Anti-anxiety or anti-depressant pills...a better counselor...a better marriage counselor...not getting graphic emails...reading/re-reading more books..
> 
> Sometimes we get on the merry-go-round and never get off. I get tons of triggers and realize there is nothing I can do about it and accept it and I'm far from years of going through it. I have the rest of my life to go through it. I think the only way to get over triggers is the above list or to leave the spouse.


Money situation is a little tight. 
As for IC...counselor kept wanting to explore my past. Not a happy story there. And the fact he made me trigger almost every time I went to him...I couldn't do it. So I've stopped going to IC. 
Still going to MCing, and they are pretty good. Been helping, but they have caused me to trigger a few times. Isn't pretty. 
But they are holding my and wife's feet to the fire. 

And the email contained a graph. Not a picture, nothing racy, just a graph of something. And that set me off.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Pull up your bank statement and imagine the balance is zero because you lost your job. Imagine being tazed and arrested because you lost your cool at work. Life sucks hard at times but it can always get worse. These two idiots caused you a great deal of pain but you control whether they still have power to hurt you. During the time they were having this EA, they didn't give you a second's thought. Why would you give them your peace? They don't deserve that power. Neither are worth losing your job, your income, your freedom, friends, or reputation. Everybody gets their own cross to bear. Some folks have to bury their kids. Some lose their limbs or their sight. You had to deal with your wife's EA. Life could be worse and if you let this crap control you, it will get worse.


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## Sestina (Nov 6, 2012)

I'm only about 2 weeks out from Dday, but I can tell you what has been working for me sometimes:

--learning how to meditate (seriously)
--breathing deeply, in and out, slowly
--doing a "just because" exercise (you say to yourself "Just because (insert whatever is troubling you) doesn't mean I have to do this to my body. Now RELAX..."
--therapy
--medication

I really do feel for you. And I cringe every time I read about someone so far down the line time-wise still struggling so hard. But I do know that antiversaries are really really hard and it's natural for you to experience a lot of triggers around them. Hang in there.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Juicer said:


> Which time are you referring to?


OM - grocery store - cops - hospital - arrested.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You need to do something physical to wear yourself out. Batting cages and driving ranges worked for me. Also when I thought I was going to lose it. I would think about one of my kids having to bail me out of jail. It was like a shower in cold water.

July 8th 2011 will always be burned in my mind. I still trigger but it is getting less and less


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Pull up your bank statement and imagine the balance is zero because you lost your job. Imagine being tazed and arrested because you lost your cool at work. Life sucks hard at times but it can always get worse. These two idiots caused you a great deal of pain but you control whether they still have power to hurt you. During the time they were having this EA, they didn't give you a second's thought. Why would you give them your peace?  They don't deserve that power. Neither are worth losing your job, your income, your freedom, friends, or reputation. Everybody gets their own cross to bear. Some folks have to bury their kids. Some lose their limbs or their sight. You had to deal with your wife's EA. Life could be worse and if you let this crap control you, it will get worse.


You do realize that ONE of those "idiots" that you are referring to is his wife, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Pull up your bank statement and imagine the balance is zero because you lost your job.


Already got to experience that with my legal bill. 


> Imagine being tazed and arrested because you lost your cool at work. Life sucks hard at times but it can always get worse. These two idiots caused you a great deal of pain but you control whether they still have power to hurt you. During the time they were having this EA, they didn't give you a second's thought. Why would you give them your peace? They don't deserve that power. Neither are worth losing your job, your income, your freedom, friends, or reputation. Everybody gets their own cross to bear. Some folks have to bury their kids. Some lose their limbs or their sight. You had to deal with your wife's EA. Life could be worse and if you let this crap control you, it will get worse.


Yea...I was going to say something about you calling my wife an idiot, but EI beat me to it. 

And yes, I am aware life could be worse. But probably won't be getting kids. 

But my problem is, I could manage my triggers better a month ago than I can now. Now, yes, those little things set me off. 
But I could handle it better then. Now, my mind runs wild as it feels like it fast forwards through the affair. And it hurts. I feel my heart sink when these images race through my mind. 

People say time heals all wounds. 
Feels to me like time is opening mine and rubbing salt in them.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Juicer, I hope it gets easier for you but some of us will always get them and will have to find our own methods to deal with them. Christmas has been ruined for me and I have gotten to the point to realize for me it won't change.

I take the point that I just have to suck it up and deal with it because no matter what I do or have tried to do it is still there.

Others on this site say they get easier in the future, hope that is your case.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Start getting annoyed at yourself when the triggers set in and scold yourself - verbally and out loud - and refuse to let these triggers control your life. You can get a handle on this, it just takes a willingness to leave bitterness and resentment behind and a determination to go through the day will as little disruption as possible.
Just keep chipping away, it will settle down if you take control.


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