# Back to her old ways........?



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Quick update about our sex life.


About one month ago, I had "the talk" with my wife about her LD and how she always pushes me away, doesn't want sex, we don't do anything fun like most women here all do, etc.

She tells me, she's been seeing a counselor and making an appointment for a hormonal vagina shot for the end of February.

That week, we had sex 3x and it was great. She didn't push me away or reject me. Lots of cuddling, talking, doing things together and it all naturally flowed. I'm thinking, this is a compromise I can live with.

Update to present day. She is back to wanting sex 1x every 1 to 1.5 weeks again. But I'm supposed to read his guide to sex book while she is reading the her guide to sex. I initiate sex and she says its that time of the month. Can't she think outside the box? Feet, breasts, hands, oral, even anal if she's feeling adventurous, but nothing. She got a new haircut and dyed it a sandy blonde, looks hot but still no sex. She wears sexier clothing for her large size, looks good, but still no sex. She can talk on the phone for hours to her parents and sister, read books and be on her laptop, but still no sex. She thinks everything is fine, clueless again, like usual.

I will more than likely relieve myself, not that I want to, because she isn't in the mood again.

I really hope this hormonal vaginal shot does the trick because as it stands, I would not marry her a second time.

Now she is a kind, caring, loving, faithful wife but she is very large, does nothing about it, reads and talks, has a LD and does nothing most women do for their men and I mean nothing.

Being more alpha male and learning from this forum has helped but not by much.

I am really hoping things change by the end of the month.......13+ years of her LD and large size is really getting to me and she is clueless about everything, even after our talk. In one ear and out the other.

She has never in 13+ years wore any sexy outfits, never been in the shower with me intimately, never talks dirty, never watches adult movies more for women with me, never uses toys or oils, never really initiates, never just surprises me out of the blue with crazy sex, no sex in the car or outside, no trying anal, feet, etc., and she is fine with this. I want a woman that does all these things, has a healthy sex drive and takes care of herself, like all women on this forum seem to do. I on occasion crack a sexual comment to see how she reacts and I get "gross".

I have randomly given her flowers, card,, chocolates when she doesn't expect it. I have had dinner ready before she gets home as a total surprise, I do most of the chores, a bit every day, so there isn't much to do by the end of the week, I work full time, I take care of myself, I have a healthy high sex drive, I will cuddle with her a lot after work on the couch and she loves this (never expecting or getting sex.......), I don't ask or beg for sex and then it doesn't happen because she thinks everything is great, etc.


It's very frustrating.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

I hear ya. My h hasn't touched me since December 4. I have tried 3 times since then to I intimate something and I just get the same thing -nothing. Do you really think this shot will help? You seem a little off put by her weight. My biggest fear right now is that by the time he realizes what's happening here, I'll be at the place where I simply am not attracted to him anymore. He'll I may already be there. Would you consider counselling? Leaving? I know how much this sucks!


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Quick update about our sex life.
> 
> 
> About one month ago, I had "the talk" with my wife about her LD and how she always pushes me away, doesn't want sex, we don't do anything fun like most women here all do, etc.
> ...


I'm so sorry for you. I hoped it was going to change for you, maybe the shot will do the trick. I've given up hope for myself and I'm 13 1/2 years into marriage. I don't get why our wives can't understand what they are doing to us. Hang in there, I can truly feel your pain.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I really hope the hormonal shot will work (sounds worse than it is) because if it does the trick, everyone will be updated, so as to help all here.

Yes, she is a larger woman. To me, I don't mind a little meat on the bones, we all have that, but if the meat is 50+ lbs, that's not sexy to me or healthy.

Marriage counseling would be great if the results were almost immediate and not just talking about what has been going on for 13+ years. Huge waste of time and money then.

My fear is, when she hits menopause, her LD will just vanish altogether and she'll be obese. I on the other hand will still have a healthy HD and since I take care of myself, don't need to lose hardly any weight and I've been told I look young for my age.

It would be so cool if I had sex with my wife in the shower for the first time in our marriage, or in a car, or outside, or anything. It would be so cool if she talked dirty, wore sexy underwear outfits, took the sexual initiative, watched a xxx movie, used oils, toys, got adventurous. I would say most woman are like this, just not my wife.

Since I relieved myself, I feel down because I'd rather be with my wife, but no sex for 1 - 1.5+ weeks isn't acceptable either........


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

Sorry this is happening, but you were warned about this in the 
"Had the talk, wife finally taking our sex life serious!!!" thread.

Most times, the change is only short lived.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Self confidence can have a huge impact on your sex life. Lou Paget has two great books, "how to give her absolute pleasure" and "How to be a great lover." There are some wonderful techniques in "how to be a great lover" that I am glad I learned, and so is my husband. Even if you have some good skills, adding to your repertoire can give you a confidence boost. 

Not sure if she is into lingerie or not. There are some sites that have lingerie that is made for larger women. It is hard to feel sexy when the lingerie doesn't fit right or doesn't flatter your body. Spicylingerie.com, hipsandcurves.com, and lingeriediva.com each have a decent selection of plus sized lingerie. 

You might also check out this site Wyoming Kama Sutra - Home they have a book called "How the west was one" that brings a bit of humor and ease to the topic of sex. 

Let us know how things go after the hormone shot.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Yes, I was warned and honestly hoped for the best, but I guess I'm no special exception.

If a woman has a LD, nothing will change that, even her husband and marriage..........

My wife went out this afternoon with a good girlfriend of hers. As soon as my wife got back, she takes off her makeup, undoes her hair and changes into her sweat pants and shirt and expects cuddling on the couch later to watch Russel Peters. Really?!

Why is it when my wife goes to work, or to her sisters or parents or out with a girlfriend, she gets dressed up but when she gets back home, she looks gross!!!!

Is this normal for most women??? Giving their man their left overs?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Marriage counseling would be great if the results were almost immediate and not just talking about what has been going on for 13+ years. Huge waste of time and money then.


I suspect genuine and fulfilling change will require delving into some of that. 

There are reasons why she is obese and reasons why sex has become a problem. There are no quick fixes for either one. You have to take a good hard look at the underlying issues that created the problems in order to really address the problems.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Over the 13+ years, I have changed a lot, but my wife hasn't changed much at all.

She is fat because my wife doesn't have the will power and drive to take care of herself, simple as that.

She was already big before she met me. 175 lbs at 5 ft 7 inches. Now about 220 lbs at 5ft 7 inches......

If you don't push her, she usually won't do it, unless its related to her sisters and kids, parents, her job or girlfriends.


She just asked, don't you want to do anything with me? I said, no sex for 1+ week again, and you wonder why???? She tells she isn't feeling that great and I tell her, you have feet, hands and breasts. No vaginal, anal or oral is needed.

I guess I will be cuddling with her later and no sex again.......oh well.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I agree that sex needs to be switched up. It is so much more exciting when you don't know what to expect. When my H and I first met we had sex everywhere we could in as many ways as we could. I miss those days...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> I agree that sex needs to be switched up. It is so much more exciting when you don't know what to expect. When my H and I first met we had sex everywhere we could in as many ways as we could. I miss those days...



Ahhhh, the good old days, so very true. I had a BJ every day from my wife to be and after we got married, maybe 2 BJ's a month and regular sex maybe 2+ times each month again......

If there was a food or drug that would greatly increase our spouses sex drives, I would buy it and sneak it in.....I really would but nothing dangerous.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I used to love to come home and change into sweats...my husband hated it...who knew. So one day I was complaining about his old tee shirts and he told me how he felt about my sweats. Our solution was too buy nice lounge wear together. I go to Soma intimates...they are comfortable and sexy. Its actually become a thing we do as a special treat for each other now...we buy each other lingerie/lounge wear. Just an idea have you ever bought her lingerie or lounge wear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Ahhhh, the good old days, so very true. I had a BJ every day from my wife to be and after we got married, maybe 2 BJ's a month and regular sex maybe 2+ times each month again......
> 
> If there was a food or drug that would greatly increase our spouses sex drives, I would buy it and sneak it in.....I really would but nothing dangerous.


I am confused, there are libido enhancers on the market. My husband has used them a lot as he has gotten older. We took them to the Dr to make sure they were safe and didn't cause issues with his meds. Won't your wives try any of them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wifeandmother10 (Jan 29, 2013)

I am pleased with the sex my husband and I have but I don't want it as much as he does.
It is hard to be on the receiving end of sex. As the vagina end it can be difficult to take it. I need to space out my experiences if I want them to be pleasurable. While I may want his needs to be satisfied if I put myself through intercourse for his pleasure it is counter productive. 
Maybe sex is hard for her. If that's the case you just have to try to turn her on real nice: sing to her, dance, touch her in the right places, etc. Be irresistible. If that works and you get it in then next time wait for her to come to you. Situations can play a big part in if it works. She needs to feel comfortable.

I used to eat really poorly but in my defense I did' t know what good foods were. Does you're wife? Bring her some really good healthy tasty food. 

How's your attitude? Are you fun to be around? Do y'all engage in good fun effective communications? If you want her to put out more that is important too. 

Good luck. Hope she finds health. Being healthy is a challenge but I am happier when I am healthy.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You know... except when you mention that you have her favorite drink as a chaser when she gives you a BJ, all I see in your posts is contempt for your wife. Remind me... why are you with a woman whom you find "gross"? 

For the record, I am much like your wife except for one thing... I am not LD. But I am uncomfortable with dirty talk, period. I can sext with my husband, but actually speaking the words? No. I have ALWAYS been that way, throughout the almost 13 years we have been married. We have showered together once, and that was before we were married. 

I am a "larger woman" as you call it. And I would be willing to bet that your wife has picked up on your disgust with her. Don't even try to say you're not... you said it yourself that you find her "gross". "Gross" is no makeup? Interesting. I'll be sure to tell my husband that the way he prefers me, which I am more than happy to comply, is "gross". And I don't get dolled up to go out with friends. I wear the same things out as I do lounging around with my husband. 

I guess, what I'm really trying to say is that your wife can tell that you are disgusted by her appearance and everything else. All the sh!t you have posted here? She knows it. And I am willing to bet she's depressed over it. Sh!t talking her behind her back is NOT going to improve things with her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If I can take care of myself over the 13+ years, there is no excuse for my wife not to do the same, unless she is lazy and un-motivated.

There is a co-worker that was about 300 lbs, obese. He decided to eat small mini meals and exercise and over the years, he lost the weight and now weighs about 200 lbs. He told me, if he can do it, anyone can. He's married with 2 kids by the way and in his late 30's. Having meat on one's bones is fine, we all have that to an extent, but being very fat or obese is not cool and no excuse for that in the 21 st century. With all the supps, everything we know about foods, gyms everywhere, scientific and technologies (internet) available, no excuse.

I asked her, what can I do to make BJ's more enjoyable for you? She told me, have her fav drink nearby, let her control the BJ and she is relaxed and does a great job with her tongue. Drives me crazy. Now I would give her oral to orgasm everytime if she was in the mood for it. so it's not just about me.

When my wife dress's nice to go see her parents, girlfriends, sister and kids and work, she does look really nice. But when she gets home, she wears sweat pants, no make up, hair undone, basically I'm getting the left overs and I'm her husband. Not cool and yes, gross. I don't dress like that after work, why can she?

She has told me, she is depressed and upset she can't wear those sexier clothes she's always wanted to buy. Next step, go to a gym, no more talking about it, lose the weight, feel much better about herself, buy those clothes she wants to wear, insecurities start to vanish and her LD would probably go away.......balls in her court.

I buy subs and wraps for us to eat together, a much healthier alternative. We watch tv and talk about our day and cuddle on the couch.

Since I have a HD, don't expect me to kill it for my LD wife. That's torment and this boy isn't going to be happy and weeks of that at a time over 13+ years, you're right, I'm not happy!!! I don't deserve that, no one does!!!!

Once the hormonal shot occurs, we'll know for sure what's going on and this was her idea.

If I talked to my wife and said, want to go on sexual enhancers? I know I would get the look.....I take arginine powder before bed and a natural test booster. My sex drive is high like when I was in my teens to early 20's. Could be 1x a day, and could be 3x a day.

Lounge wear together? Not a bad idea. I will look into that.

I have white tee shirts for just work that are dirty and other white shirts just for around the house that are quite clean.

If it wasn't for her LD, and not doing the majority of the sexual things most women here all do for their men, I would be quite happy in our marriage. If I had a LD, awesome. If she had a HD, perfect. But a LD and HD spouses in a marriage is extremely tough and difficult.

When my wife has fallen asleep during foreplay and sex, of course I'm going to get mad. But I have never done that to her.

I have never turned down her advances but its okay for her not to be in the mood for whatever reasons.

I have randomly surprised her with flowers, dinner before she gets home, majority of all the chores are always done, cuddling on the couch, back and foot rubs, listening to her day, being more alpha male from this forum, doing the e-books recommended here, etc. So I am putting in the effort. Flip the coin, has she done the same for me.......?

Its fine for me to be rejected but you can't do that back to your wife, ever, otherwise, big trouble.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Your wife probably feels pressured to have sex with you at this point. My wife is LD too (once a week) an I've had the talk with her. After having the talk I've found that continuing to express displeasure does not help and actually makes matters worse. This is because your wife already feels inadequate and continuing to harp on her inadequacies just leads to her becoming defensive and insecure. I think another poster (MEM I believe) said it best when he started a thread about the sexual temperature. The "hot" spouse comes on too strong making the "cool" spouse back off. This is the opposite of the intended effect but usually is what happens; it's happened to me too. 

Sex is the elephant in the room even if unspoken. You need to find a way to deal with it and make your wife comfortable about having sex with you. This includes backing off some, including not reading this forum so much. I like coming here but sometimes find it makes me feel worse reading all these stories about what other men are getting in their marriages. If you want that, then tell your wife it's over and have at it. Otherwise, you should give the sexual frustration a rest and focus on making your wife comfortable and giving her a more positive association with sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, CB, I'm gonna level with you. The way you talk about your wife and her weight... you say she's what? 220 pounds now? Up from 175 when you married? She is near that border of overweight vs obese... but she is not MORBIDLY obese. Seriously, they way you talk about her here, you make it sound like she is a 500 pound slug. And yes, I have (almost) been at THAT weight. 

No, I don't think it's right that she falls asleep during foreplay or sex. You are taking a testosterone booster? Do you normally have low T or are you just boosting it to increase your drive? 

No, it's not right that she gets dressed up to see everyone else, but doesn't SEEM to care how you feel about how she looks. Here's a thought... tell her how you feel about it. Tell her point blank "I don't think it's right that you get dressed up to see your family, but I get leftovers. There are outfits/clothing you can wear at home which are still attractive, so how about getting some of those?" 

Get her walking. She wants to wear the sweats, get out and walk, eventually jog or run. Honestly, from your posts, the vibe I get is that it's about sex... lack of the sex you want. And her health is secondary. Maybe I'm wrong. If I am, I apologize. But when someone talks about his or her spouse, saying they're "gross" and all but saying he or she is a "fat pig", but the focus of the post is on sex...that's how it appears. You talk about the hormone shot and how you hope it changes her drive... sex. Again, if I am way off base, I am sorry. This is just the impression I get.... "I want sex, but my wife is too fat"...that's the gist of what I get from your posts. 

I have no doubt that she is depressed. And I do believe part of that depression is due to what she sees in your eyes, in how you act. You can try as hard as you like to hide your contempt, but it still shows. Who wants to have sex with someone who is fat, right? Turn that around... who wants to have sex with someone who finds you disgusting? You want changes? MAKE them happen. Yes, she has to want to lose the weight, but you also have to stop enabling it... that means stop with the candy as gifts. Get her out and moving. Tell her you are worried about her weight, but do it from a HEALTH standpoint, not sexual attraction. But please, stop cutting her down. She picks up on it...trust me.

FYI, no, I don't think it is right for either of you to reject each other. Occasionally, if truly exhausted or if sick, yes... but not on a regular basis.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> If I talked to my wife and said, want to go on sexual enhancers? I know I would get the look.....I take arginine powder before bed and a natural test booster. My sex drive is high like when I was in my teens to early 20's. Could be 1x a day, and could be 3x a day.


Could those supplements be contributing to your problem and making it worse by giving you a higher drive than you normally would have?


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Many women love the idea of romantic walks along the beach. So play off of that, take her for a nice romantic walk in a park, or in the mountains, or the beach. (not sure where you live to know what is available) Walk hand in hand with her. Take a break when she needs to rest and sit on a bench and have a very engaged conversation, really look into her eyes and listen to what she is saying. Make these walks a regular ritual, getting out several times each week.

I have read several of your posts and you have done a lot to improve yourself. She may be feeling more insecure about herself since you have done these things. 

You are in good physical condition, from the sounds of your posts, and my guess is that she is not. It will take her some time to catch up with you in physical condition. When you do take walks with her, pace yourself with her speed and what she can handle in the beginning. Once she gets in better shape, she will be able to increase the speed and the distance. 

There are other things other than these walks that you can do to help her engage in physical activity in a way that is enjoyable. Working out can be fun for some but for many it is more like a chore. The secret is to do something that makes it fun and you don't even realize you are getting a workout as well.

Maybe buy some water pistols and have a water fight in your back yard.

The key will be finding something that is more active that she will enjoy doing and doing with you. This kind of play can go a long way to increasing the bond that you guys have as well as improving physical condition.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> There are other things other than these walks that you can do to help her engage in physical activity in a way that is enjoyable. Working out can be fun for some but for many it is more like a chore. The secret is to do something that makes it fun and you don't even realize you are getting a workout as well.
> 
> Maybe buy some water pistols and have a water fight in your back yard.
> 
> The key will be finding something that is more active that she will enjoy doing and doing with you. This kind of play can go a long way to increasing the bond that you guys have as well as improving physical condition.


I second and third this!

If I had to "go work out," especially at a gym, I'd be as fat as a house. Working out is boring and I hate gyms. Yuck.

But swimming at the beach, walks in the sand or around the neighborhood, bike riding, yoga and dance classes, working in the garden - that kind of exercise is fun. I do have an elliptical at home and some hand weights at home but those are just a supplement for winter-time when I spend less time outside.

A lifestyle change has to be something that is appealing to the person making the change. Fun goes a long way to making it appealing.

Losing weight has a LOT to do with food, though. Exercise only gets you so far. Maintaining a healthy weight requires a change in diet, too. And that has to do with desire and will, not pressure.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

norajane said:


> I second and third this!
> 
> If I had to "go work out," especially at a gym, I'd be as fat as a house. Working out is boring and I hate gyms. Yuck.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Working out could be a chore to her, never thought about it that way. To me, its a stress reliever, I get stronger, in better shape and my sex drive is high. 

Water pistols in the summer, that's a great idea.

Swimming at the beach or at a pool my wife doesn't do because she is insecure about her size. So I have never been to the beach either and we live about a 5 minute walk away because our place is so close to everything, in prime location. I think going for walks to the beach, park would be nice, holding her hand, talking along the way. Even a picnic, good idea?

She doesn't know how many calories she is eating. I know accurately the calories in every meal I make. I even bought a high end digital kitchen scale.

I don't expect my wife to look like a fitness model but I do expect her to take care of herself and quit making lame excuses.

You must realize, I was that very skinny guy no woman would want and I had thick nerdy glasses. I made the decision to better myself and I did just that and on top of working a full time job. There have been minor sacrifices along the way, but its been so worth it. Guys at the shop say, go to the beach, flex and check out the babes. I tell them, no, I'm not that kind of guy because I'm not.

My sex drive is high, yes, but I'm not addicted to sex or hounding her for sex every day. That just annoys her and she feels pressured and sex doesn't happen then. But if I never ask or beg for sex, since she is a LD woman, sex happens 1 - 2x a month and I can't handle that ever. Might as well be room mates and that what happens, we are room mates and she wonders why????

All I've said in my posts is my wife is a larger woman. I've never said she is morbidly obese. Put it this way, every female employee at her work is in way better shape than she is and same with my work, all the wives and gf's are in way better shape and some of these women are in their 40's and 50's.

To be honest with you all, without my natural test booster and arginine, and no weight training, I can kill my sex drive. But I know for a man, built on testosterone, the sex hormone, that isn't healthy at all. Studies show that sex 3x every week minimum for males reduces heart issues and disease by up to 50%. Dr. Oz show. I find that when I get sex minimum 3x every week, being horny is gone, no more painful blue balls and I don't get *****y either.

Great idea. I will let her know more that when she dresses up to go out, I'd appreciate it it she wore something nice around the place. Maybe we can go shopping for lounge wear.

She's never gone for walks or jogging, even though she says she wants to. That would be a good starting point for her, get the blood pumping and do some cardio, burning calories, etc. The reason I don't do that form of exercise, I have too high a metabolism and can lose weight very easily. I eat about 4200 calories a day to maintain my body weight and very slowly gain.

I have never said to my wife, you're fat, gross, disgusting. That would be death to any marriage. She knows she needs to lose weight and get in shape. But she has to do this from within herself, instead of always talking about it.

I'm the one who wants sex with her in the shower, outside, in day light, window blinds open, you get the idea. She is the one who wants sex at night, lights out, blinds closed, never been in the shower together ever and she always locks the doors.

I vent my frustrations on this forum but I honestly have never cut her down. Totally different here with my wife and I.

She has been like this from the very beginning we started dating, so she was like this before she met me. Damage and baggage from other life situations before she even knew me that led her to be the way she is today.

Her parents are very shy, quiet and conservative people. I can also see that translating in her outlook on sex. Me, I can easily talk dirty, watch adult shows, buy her toys if she wanted them, oils, try adventurous sex with her, in the shower together, you name it.

I am the aggressor type, get things done, take the initiative. She is the more passive type, takes forever to get simple things done and usually doesn't take the initiative.

You could say I am the captain and she is my first mate.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Working out could be a chore to her, never thought about it that way. To me, its a stress reliever, I get stronger, in better shape and my sex drive is high.
> 
> Water pistols in the summer, that's a great idea.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

My brother in law bought his wife a puppy she always wanted with the stipulation that she had to walk him atleast twice a day. It worked she started feeling better and the better she felt the more she got into it. She just bought a home eliptical. Is there something she really wants you can use to motivate her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

marriedmanhere said:


> Sorry this is happening, but you were warned about this in the
> "Had the talk, wife finally taking our sex life serious!!!" thread.
> 
> Most times, the change is only short lived.


Totally agree, unfortunately. I speak from experience.

There is a big difference between making a short-term push to do more (which is really more like putting in a few long weeks at work during the busy season) and making the long-term investment needed to increase her capacity to provide a sustained improvement in sexual quantity and quality.

Unfortunately, it sounds like the former and not the latter has happened to you. And, yes, it the more common outcome. I would not be surprised if sex dropped to even lower than your average or she faltered in other areas, so that the overall average of she provides to you is relatively unchanged.

All you can do is revisit the issue with another talk:

* You acknowledge the short-term improvement in sex.
* Short-term is not what you were seeking, nor is it sufficient.
* You need that old peak (3x per week) to be the new norm.

Then if/when she talks about how much effort that would take:

* You acknowledge that it may take substantial effort from her.
* But, that might be due to factors internal to her that she needs to overcome.
* Also, you put in substantial effort daily to meet her needs.
* You deserve that effort from her, and if she finds that you are not worth the extra effort you need to consider finding someone who does consider you worth it.


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## rose petal (Feb 1, 2013)

CuddleBug, I feel for you. My situation is definitely very different from yours. If we were to compare cases, I would be the wife who doesn't want to have sex with husband. This stems from my deep lack of attraction for him. My husband has a large middle section. Honestly, it doesn't matter whether he was thin or bigger as he is now, I'm still not attracted to him.

I'm the slim and fit spouse. I'm in the best shape of my life. I have more lean muscle and now weigh less than when I was in high school. I wasn't always like this. I think fitness is a lifestyle change. You have to somehow turn it into a habit. It's not just something you decide to do one day and then put it down another day. Exercise has to turn into a habit, just like brushing your teeth. I don't feel good if I don't brush my teeth once in the morning and once in the evening. I also don't feel good when I don't exercise regularly. I use myfitnesspal to help keep me on track. Perhaps you can ask your wife to check out that website and see if it works for her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

When we bought our place 11 years ago, I had a brief period of looking for work. So I surprised her with a cat from the SPCA. She loves cats.

Many years ago, she got a gym pass with her girlfriend. Within a few months, this girlfriend always made excuses and stopping going to the gym. This girl is about 250+ lbs at 5 ft 7 inches....and then my wife quite soon afterwards. Then a while later, we were going for a walk and she told me, I'm going back to the gym, lose the weight so I will be in good shape for our 10th year anniversary. She brought up and made the deal with me. A few months later, she quit again. Then she said I will go for walks after work every day, she did that for a bit and then stopped. She has hinted at an elliptical, but based on her history, I know it will just be a matter of time before that gathers dust as well.......she has to start small, power walks every day, 7 days per week. Then a female gym, cardio, some weights, meet new people and get out of her comfort zone. Then I will buy the elliptical and know it will go to good use.

Agreed. Fitness has to be a lifestyle change. You do feel and look great and are much healthier too. I will definitely pass on the website to my wife, thx.

I talked with her last night about no sex for 1+ weeks again and she made excuses, so I went upstairs to post on this forum. She calls me downstairs, we cuddle and 5 minutes later her hand was in my pants and giving me a BJ and a really great BJ. See, if I don't voice the lack of sex, it doesn't happen on her part.

There is a guy at the shop who is 60 now and he told me, when he got married, he told his wife, I need sex at least 3x every week and don't let yourself go and get very fat like your mom, or I will want a divorce. We'll.......his wife takes care of herself and he gets sex 3x every week. They are very close, do many things together, vacations, etc. and she seems very happy.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> To be honest with you all, without my natural test booster and arginine, and no weight training, I can kill my sex drive.


Why don't you just try plain old weight training without the supplements? That will be healthy and natural without filling your body with extra stuff that only increases the difference in sex drive between you.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I don't believe you can motivate someone else to loose weight. They have to find their own motivation. Pressuring her to loose weight may actually contribute to her low self=esteem. 

My suggestion would be to make the first move. If you want to have sex in the shower, take the initiative and plan it. Have her come home one day...tell her to close her eyes and lead her to the bathroom, where she'll enter into a steamed up hot room (you could also get a little heater and have it on) with candles lit, slowly undress her while telling her how beautiful she is, kiss her gently all over. Then get in the shower..wash each other...love each other.

Some girls need the extra effort in order to feel sexy and turned on.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> I don't believe you can motivate someone else to loose weight. They have to find their own motivation. Pressuring her to loose weight may actually contribute to her low self=esteem.
> 
> My suggestion would be to make the first move. If you want to have sex in the shower, take the initiative and plan it. Have her come home one day...tell her to close her eyes and lead her to the bathroom, where she'll enter into a steamed up hot room (you could also get a little heater and have it on) with candles lit, slowly undress her while telling her how beautiful she is, kiss her gently all over. Then get in the shower..wash each other...love each other.
> 
> Some girls need the extra effort in order to feel sexy and turned on.




That's a brilliant idea.:iagree:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

norajane said:


> Why don't you just try plain old weight training without the supplements? That will be healthy and natural without filling your body with extra stuff that only increases the difference in sex drive between you.



I have in the past and that kills my energy for workouts and my strength and size. High test means stronger, muscular, much more energy and of course sex drive. Everything increases, its a double edged sword.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Yes, I was warned and honestly hoped for the best, but I guess I'm no special exception.
> 
> If a woman has a LD, nothing will change that, even her husband and marriage..........
> 
> ...


Mr. Bug, 

I cannot answer the question above,

But I can share you what I know from my experience.

My wife dress up very nicely like Western women, ONLY when going to formal big parties (usually weddings of non-Muslim friends and relatives)

When visiting Muslim relatives she is wearing what Muslim women usually wears. Very modest clothing. No makeups not even lipstick.

At home she is wearing whatever feels comfortable. Long dresses, etc, again as what usually worn by Muslim women, and yes no makeups as well.

But when I am at home..beneath those garmis (Muslim long dress) my wife wears nice lingeries the way I like it (I told her long ago that I like it if she wears red and black, and she went along with it even until today). 

We have sex maybe only 3-4 times a month. I am LD. But she knows that I won't turn her down, and that if she wears something I like, it helps to get me aroused. I am no longer young, erection is not automatic anymore, so to see her looking pretty for me really helps.

Do you like it if your wife wears nice lingeries beneath convenient clothing? Perhaps this could be a good solution for the two of you?

Also, wearing nice lingeries does not take too much efforts, just put it on and it's done, so not much hassle for her, she will looks lovely to you, you like her being more lovelier, she knows you like her like that, she will feel sexy and (hopefully) be more willing to have sex with you.

And, guess what? Going shopping for nice lingeries in a mall, is also a form of work out! It is a long walk and will burn calories. Just make sure you and her avoid all those junk food McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken etc while going shopping. Eat at home, go to the mall for the "work out", get back home, you assist her to try out the lingeries and have your fun!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I have in the past and that kills my energy for workouts and my strength and size. High test means stronger, muscular, much more energy and of course sex drive. Everything increases, its a double edged sword.


Since you've made your choice to jack-up your sex drive, I don't think it's fair that you are upset at her lower drive. Expecting a LD person to quickly go from wanting sex 2 or 3 times a month up to having sex 3 times a week is setting yourself up for failure and resentment. 

Especially since you also aren't interested in dealing with the underlying issues that led to poor sex between you in the first place.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

norajane said:


> Since you've made your choice to jack-up your sex drive, I don't think it's fair that you are upset at her lower drive. Expecting a LD person to quickly go from wanting sex 2 or 3 times a month up to having sex 3 times a week is setting yourself up for failure and resentment.
> 
> Especially since you also aren't interested in dealing with the underlying issues that led to poor sex between you in the first place.



Weight training and supplements are part of a healthy lifestyle and that also means sex and getting a better body. You get what you put into it. You do nothing over 13+ years, talk and makes excuses, then you get nothing. It all comes down to choices we make and nothing else. I was very weak and skinny with thick coke bottle glasses, so I weight train, eat healthy and got laser eye surgery. My wife knows she needs to get in shape and has a LD and would like her teeth straightened. Instead of also doing something about it, she chose to do nothing. Simple as that. She's an adult woman and not a baby. Fate is what you make in life.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Mr. Bug,
> 
> I cannot answer the question above,
> 
> ...



Dressing appropriately for the specific occasion I can understand. I think my wife and I should buy some nice lounge clothing as was suggested. Looks good and is relaxing.

I could easily have sex every day and sometimes 3x a day but to compromise, I can settle for once every 2nd day, 3 - 4 times a week.

My wife has never worn any sexy under garments because she is insecure.

See, she'll ask me, want KFC, Burger King, McDonalds? I tell her, no, and I get subs or wraps which are a much healthier choice.

I do the grocery shopping, so as to buy organic healthier choices for us both. We are Blood Type A's and all the foods are beneficial and neutral we eat, Blood Type Diet which actually works. If she grocery shopped, we'll, you know.......


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Weight training and supplements are part of a healthy lifestyle and that also means sex and getting a better body. You get what you put into it. You do nothing over 13+ years, talk and makes excuses, then you get nothing. It all comes down to choices we make and nothing else. I was very weak and skinny with thick coke bottle glasses, so I weight train, eat healthy and got laser eye surgery. My wife knows she needs to get in shape and has a LD and would like her teeth straightened. Instead of also doing something about it, she chose to do nothing. Simple as that. She's an adult woman and not a baby.


You totally missed what norajane said. Yes, the weight training and supplements are part of YOUR lifestyle. What YOU believe to be a healthy lifestyle. But I wonder, what if your wife started doing these things and it didn't have the outcome you desire? Meaning... she could very well start doing all the supplements you want her to try. She could do the weight training. She could get this shot she is planning to get... but it is still possible her drive may stay low. What then? You, yourself, stated that she was like this even BEFORE you got together. What in the world made you think things would be different AFTER marrying??

When I said earlier that she likely knows the things you say here, I didn't mean that you SAY these things to her. I meant that she can SEE it in your eyes, in your body language. No matter how hard we may try to hide our contempt, at least part of it is still visible. No, you never said she is "morbidly obese"... but honestly, had you not stated specifically that she is 220 lbs, I know I would have been picturing someone over 400 pounds, based on your description of how she looks. 

You say you make the meals, right? So... make only enough for the meal. You know how much you eat. How much has her doctor said she should eat? Not how much YOU think she should, but her DOCTOR. Make only what will be consumed during that meal. Snack later can be something healthy. No chips, candy, soda, etc. Try celery with peanut butter, or an apple, etc. 

The point is, because you believe weight training and supplements are healthy for you, you appear to believe they are for everyone. And that is just not true. They don't work the same for everyone.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

When we got married, I didn't expect to have a wife that doesn't do the majority of the fun intimate things most women all do. So, yes, I do miss all that, considering I've never had any of it in 13+ years.

I've watched many extreme weight lose tv shows, guys that are well over 300 lbs. How did they get so obese? Diet and no exercise. Once they started eating healthy, calories, and weight training with cardio, the weight came off. Before that, no changes and just getting bigger as time goes on.

When you look at female models, fitness models, athletes, etc. did they get the way they are by not exercising and eating healthy?

I've also seen many people at a certain major bodybuilding site and there are so many women that were very big for years, finally decided to train and eat healthy and only a few years later, lost a lot of weight and look like a different person. Some are single, some are married, young, older, kids, no kids, etc.

Everyone responds differently, so very true but we all respond none the less.

If you don't train or exercise much, your body will not change much if at all. Just the way it works.

We all are fat storing machines and its harder to grow muscle.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

CB I understand your frustration but can you go one post without mentioning how great of shape you are in and how fat/lazy your wife is? You are really starting to come across as a bit narcissistic. I'm sure that is not your intention but we get your main points by now.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Everyone responds differently, so very true but we all respond none the less.
> 
> If you don't train or exercise much, your body will not change much if at all. Just the way it works.
> 
> We all are fat storing machines and its harder to grow muscle.


And again, I ask... what will you do if your wife does ALL of the things you mentioned, and not haphazardly... yet only loses 10-20 pounds, and no more than that? Are you still going to see her as fat and gross? Or will you see past that, seeing that she has done what is necessary for her health? She will still be 200 pounds (possibly more if she gains before losing), and still classified as obese. Will you still be disgusted with her?


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Or what if she did all of this and ended up looking like a supermodel and still only wanted sex once a week? He seems to be assuming that her sex drive will match his if she just lost weight. It's not that simple. Plus what confuses me is he seems to be sexually attracted to her in her current form and wants MORE sex with her yet complains constantly about her appearance and lifestyle. 

What gives, CB?



Maricha75 said:


> And again, I ask... what will you do if your wife does ALL of the things you mentioned, and not haphazardly... yet only loses 10-20 pounds, and no more than that? Are you still going to see her as fat and gross? Or will you see past that, seeing that she has done what is necessary for her health? She will still be 200 pounds (possibly more if she gains before losing), and still classified as obese. Will you still be disgusted with her?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I just would like my wifee to take care of herself and lose whatever weight she can naturally instead of doing nothing and got to the size she is today. Living a sedentary lifestyle does this.

To be honest with you all, when we got married, she was about 170 lbs, and I was fine with that. Obviously a bigger girl but not really fat or obese. To gain 50+ lbs of fat over the years is a good thing for our marriage?

When you get married, you are allowed to let yourself go for many reasons and that is sexy and fair to your spouse how?

Put the shoe on the other foot. A guy who is somewhat fat marries a women who is thin. Over the many years, she decides to take care of herself and has a good body but he does nothing, makes excuses, now is very fat and she is supposed to be happy with that? There are posts here of that exact situation and little to no sex from hubby and the wife is miserable!!!!


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

My confusion comes from the part where you are still sexually attracted to your wife and desire to have sex with her on a more frequent basis than what she is currently giving.

The posts where people complain about fat spouses also contain the idea that the other spouse is no longer sexually attracted due to the weight gain. That doesn't seem to be the case for you so I guess I don't see why it's such a big deal to you that she's overweight? Based on your posts I take it you'd be happy if you had sex 3 times a week and she stayed at 220 lbs. 

So is the issue her weight or is it her LD? 



CuddleBug said:


> I just would like my wifee to take care of herself and lose whatever weight she can naturally instead of doing nothing and got to the size she is today. Living a sedentary lifestyle does this.
> 
> To be honest with you all, when we got married, she was about 170 lbs, and I was fine with that. Obviously a bigger girl but not really fat or obese. To gain 50+ lbs of fat over the years is a good thing for our marriage?
> 
> ...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I just would like my wifee to take care of herself and lose whatever weight she can naturally instead of doing nothing and got to the size she is today. Living a sedentary lifestyle does this.


In other words, you would be fine with her only losing a few pounds, as long as she does the work necessary, and sticks to it?



CuddleBug said:


> To be honest with you all, when we got married, she was about 170 lbs, and I was fine with that. Obviously a bigger girl but not really fat or obese. To gain 50+ lbs of fat over the years is a good thing for our marriage?


Was it 170 or 175? You say 50+ lbs, but if she is 220 now, and if she was 175 as you said previously, she has gained 45 lbs, not 50. Still not healthy, of course, but still a discrepancy. Which is it?



CuddleBug said:


> When you get married, you are allowed to let yourself go for many reasons and that is sexy and fair to your spouse how?


It's not fair and it's not sexy if you don't feel it is. But, as I pointed out before, she likely knows of your contempt. You don't have to say a word. She can see it in your eyes and your body language.



CuddleBug said:


> Put the shoe on the other foot. A guy who is somewhat fat marries a women who is thin. Over the many years, she decides to take care of herself and has a good body but he does nothing, makes excuses, now is very fat and she is supposed to be happy with that? There are posts here of that exact situation and little to no sex from hubby and the wife is miserable!!!!



I did gain more than 50 pounds. When my husband and I married almost 13 years ago, I was morbidly obese. I was morbidly obese when we met. I weighted, I think, 325 when we married. When I got pregnant, I gained a lot of weight. I developed pre-ecclampsia. My weight, on the day my oldest was born via c-section, was 408. I lost about 50 pounds in the first couple months... but then started gaining again. There were other factors to my weight gain. By the time our son was 3 years old, I had hit 467 pounds. By that time, I was already working with my doctor to try to lose weight. Nothing was working for me. Not supplements. Not exercise. Not diets. Nothing. So, I ended up having weight loss surgery. No, that is not what I am advocating for your wife. It was my last resort, last ditch effort because I wanted to watch my son grow up.

I lost 200 pounds. Then I got pregnant. Twice. And then I started gaining again. Certain parts of the excess, I need to have surgically removed in order to get around better. But, I am putting myself on the back burner because my husband has a lot of health problems that we need to deal with. He is now over 300 pounds, having gained roughly 70 pounds due to medications his doctors have put him on the last 4 years. 

Anyway, we know it is unhealthy. We are, and have been, doing our best to lose it. We are, and have been, working with our doctors to get it off. But you know what? I would NEVER refer to my husband as "fat" or "gross" when talking to ANYONE, not even on a forum. This is the one thing that just will not leave my head here, CB. That you ahve told us what you really think of your wife, but you don't say those words to her because you know what it will do to your marriage. And when I was saying that she can see how you feel, I mean it. I have seen the looks from other people. My husband doesn't look at me that way, but if he did, my reaction would be much like your wife's... she knows. She can see it. That's all I have been saying.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jd08 said:


> So is the issue her weight or is it her LD?


And CB, don't say that LD = weight. It doesn't work that way for everyone. I am currently HD, and I am NOT down in the "normal" or "overweight" category yet.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

What I am hearing Cuddlebug say is that he wants her to be healthy. I can understand if that is what he is really wanting her to do. I also can understand him getting physically fit and now wanting her to get in shape too...lets be honest he's looking better now he wants her to look better. My hubby is what you would call a yo yo dieter, he goes from 250 to 160lbs and has done that for the last 30 yrs. His Dr finally told him to pick one or the other that is was more detrimental to his health to yo yo than to just stay heavy. He really likes to look good and battles his weight because of that. I will say that it doesn't matter to me either way...as long as he is healthy and happy. I think you can encourage some one lose weight, but you can't force yhem...she has to do this because she want to.

As for hubby and I we find exercising and dieting together work best. We don't have any snacks in the house that aren't healthy, no candy...etc. The big one was giving up soda for water....a lot of people are drinking their calories in soda, lattes, smoothes and such.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Update: My wife's naturpath got her on iodine for her thyroid. She is also refining her foods and meals more as per her health professional. Then its the hormonal shot and exercise. I've asked her to keep me informed as to her progress as I want to be part of it.

A good friend of mine was about 300+ lbs, obese. He never weight trained, did cardio or knew the calories of what he ate. He had a heart attack!!! At the hospital, the doctors put him on thyroid medication and he lost so much weight in such a short time period........he died. A good friend of mine but weeks before he died, I came to visit him and he had cheek bones and I almost didn't recognize him. I would guess he lost close to 100 lbs. If it wasn't for his heart attack, he would of been fine, healthy and a different man alive today.

Each person can gain, maintain and lose weight based on their daily caloric intake. Some people have high metabolisms and need a lot of calories were other people have slower metabolisms and must eat much fewer calories per day and have to do daily cardio to get the metabolism up. If you don't know what your daily calorie needs are, its all for nothing.

My wife was about 170 lbs when we got married, so up to 175, I don't know the exact poundage. The fact is she got comfy, lead a non physical lifestyle, no exercise, and since she has a slower metabolism, gained a lot of weight. All her choice and nothing to do with me. She has control over how much she eats, when she eats and if she exercises or not. When I get my own car, I will go to a gym. She got her own car, the company even pays for half her vehicle bills, and she still makes excuses and does nothing.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Mine forever soda is the worst. Just cutting that out will make huge changes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

mineforever said:


> What I am hearing Cuddlebug say is that he wants her to be healthy. I can understand if that is what he is really wanting her to do. I also can understand him getting physically fit and now wanting her to get in shape too...lets be honest he's looking better now he wants her to look better. My hubby is what you would call a yo yo dieter, he goes from 250 to 160lbs and has done that for the last 30 yrs. His Dr finally told him to pick one or the other that is was more detrimental to his health to yo yo than to just stay heavy. He really likes to look good and battles his weight because of that. I will say that it doesn't matter to me either way...as long as he is healthy and happy. I think you can encourage some one lose weight, but you can't force yhem...she has to do this because she want to.
> 
> As for hubby and I we find exercising and dieting together work best. We don't have any snacks in the house that aren't healthy, no candy...etc. The big one was giving up soda for water....a lot of people are drinking their calories in soda, lattes, smoothes and such.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Exactly.

We don't have unhealthy snacks, pops, etc. in the house because I grocery shop. We eat the same foods and a lot of time, eat together. 

My wife doesn't have any medical conditions either.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Dressing appropriately for the specific occasion I can understand. I think my wife and I should buy some nice lounge clothing as was suggested. Looks good and is relaxing.
> 
> I could easily have sex every day and sometimes 3x a day but to compromise, I can settle for once every 2nd day, 3 - 4 times a week.
> 
> ...


Has she ever seen a counselor about why she overeats, many people are emotionally dependent on food (for many reasons) it's not so easy for someone who is emotionally dependent on food (or the additives put in junk) to just lose eat less and lose weight. 
That's why there is so many who lose all the weight they needed to and pile it all back on, they never sorted out why they overate in the first place.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Another reason I'm pushing for her to get healthy, I don't want to be alone when I'm older........I would miss her, okay? So, no I'm not sitting by letting her get big and bigger. I want to grow old with her and not be single in my 60's because she died of a heart attack in her 50's.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

CuddleBug, can I clarify a few things? Correct me if I'm wrong.

1. Her usual drive is about 1 x a week.

2. Her weight when you married was around 175lb. She is now 220lbs.

3. You are looking for a frequency of 3/4 x a week, and say your drive has increased since you married due to certain supplements you take.

So, let's throw out a couple of scenarios...

Your wife diets/works out and drops to her marriage weight. Would this alone work for you?

Your wife sticks at her present weight but sticks at a frequency which matches yours, ie 3/4 x a week. Would this alone work for you?

What I am getting at is how much is your bottom line. Are you actually requesting she loses weight to that of someone is no longer obese? Or just to what she was before? Think carefully and be honest with yourself.

What was your sexual frequency when you married? Who is it that has moved the goalposts in terms of changing that frequency - you or her? Again, be honest with yourself - I am trying to get you to establish a baseline to see who has changed things and how.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

When we got married, sex was 1 - 2x month and sometimes not even once a month, it was that bad.

Her weight is accurate, but I don't know the exact poundage. I go by what she has told me.

My sex drive was high in my teens, early to mid 20's without supplements and weight training.

Even sex 3 - 4x each week is a fine compromise for me.

If my wife lost the weight and got in shape, I would be happy. There is no exact number. Obviously she will lose weight and not a few lbs.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Was the amount of sex the same before you got married?


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Update: My wife's naturpath got her on iodine for her thyroid. She is also refining her foods and meals more as per her health professional. Then its the hormonal shot and exercise. I've asked her to keep me informed as to her progress as I want to be part of it.
> 
> A good friend of mine was about 300+ lbs, obese. He never weight trained, did cardio or knew the calories of what he ate. He had a heart attack!!! At the hospital, the doctors put him on thyroid medication and he lost so much weight in such a short time period........he died. A good friend of mine but weeks before he died, I came to visit him and he had cheek bones and I almost didn't recognize him. I would guess he lost close to 100 lbs. If it wasn't for his heart attack, he would of been fine, healthy and a different man alive today.
> 
> ...


Ok I think I missed the iodine therapy for the thyroid...iodine is essential for production of the T3 and T4 hormones that are the main two components that make up your metabolism. So why is she taking the iodine exactly? Are your trying to stimulate the thyroid.. is she hypothyroid?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Update: My wife's naturpath got her on iodine for her thyroid. She is also refining her foods and meals more as per her health professional. Then its the hormonal shot and exercise. I've asked her to keep me informed as to her progress as I want to be part of it.
> 
> A good friend of mine was about 300+ lbs, obese. He never weight trained, did cardio or knew the calories of what he ate. He had a heart attack!!! At the hospital, the doctors put him on thyroid medication and he lost so much weight in such a short time period........he died. A good friend of mine but weeks before he died, I came to visit him and he had cheek bones and I almost didn't recognize him. I would guess he lost close to 100 lbs. If it wasn't for his heart attack, he would of been fine, healthy and a different man alive today.
> 
> ...


When your dosage is to high on synthroid (med for hypothyroidism) you can become hyperthyroid. Hyper mean major weight lose quickly, tremors in hands and feet, energy like you wouldn't believe and libido -wow.....it also severly damages your heart, liver and kidneys. The thing about thyroid meds is to work closely with an endocrinologist to get the regulated percisely...everyones optimal number T3 and T4 is a little different. The range can be from .5 to a 5 and your perfect number has to be found by trial and error.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

CuddleBug said:


> Update: My wife's naturpath got her on iodine for her thyroid. She is also refining her foods and meals more as per her health professional. Then its the hormonal shot and exercise. I've asked her to keep me informed as to her progress as I want to be part of it.
> 
> A good friend of mine was about 300+ lbs, obese. He never weight trained, did cardio or knew the calories of what he ate. He had a heart attack!!! At the hospital, the doctors put him on thyroid medication and he lost so much weight in such a short time period........he died. A good friend of mine but weeks before he died, I came to visit him and he had cheek bones and I almost didn't recognize him. I would guess he lost close to 100 lbs. If it wasn't for his heart attack, he would of been fine, healthy and a different man alive today.
> 
> ...


You didn't say if she has had a full medical work up as in thyroid, hormones, vit d, iron tests?

Has she?

You have mentioned many times that she is tired a lot. Any of the above having issues can make someone very tired. Any of these along with taking birth control pills an lower the libido.

You mention male friend losing weight. Men seem to be able to lose weight much faster than women, probably because of their higher muscle mass and testosterone.

It seems to me like she has always been this way so it wasn't like she bait and switched on you.

Why is this such a problem now? Did it happen after you got rid of the glasses and gained muscle?

Have you thought about going to the doctor and have him give you something to lower your libido?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Tigger said:


> Have you thought about going to the doctor and have him give you something to lower your libido?


He's taking supplements for working out plus testosterone, which _increase _his libido. 

And now his wife is taking iodine when CB said she has NO medical conditions.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

norajane said:


> He's taking supplements for working out plus testosterone, which _increase _his libido.
> 
> *And now his wife is taking iodine when CB said she has NO medical conditions*.


I would guess that is because her DOCTOR has found no issue with the thyroid, but a NATURPATH prescribed the iodine. CB, just be sure she doesn't ingest too much iodine.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

LD does not equal weight, very true.

I guess its the low sex drive over the 13+ years and not so much the weight when I really think about it, even though, if my wife was in good shape and not needing to lose a lot of weight, she could wear those sexy outfits, nice bathing suit, some lingerie, or maybe a sexy nightgown. we'll you get the idea. That would add to more intimate and romantic evenings for sure.

Plus I don't want to be alone when I'm older and I possibly out live her. That prospect does scare me.

Her naturopath prescribed the iodine, correct. That might help with the weight loss because it effects her thyroid function. If it worked for that friend of mine, it might work for her.

The supps I take give me extra energy for workouts, raise my test naturally so I have a sex drive like when I was in my teens to mid 20's and have no negative side effects. Why would I want a low sex drive? More sex equals higher test which equals stronger, more muscular and better workouts.

She does nap a lot, true. Low iron? Good question. I know she does have low iron levels because she doesn't usually eat red meats, nor do I. Just non red meat protein sources. She was a vegetarian when we first met and had really low iron levels. She showed me rubbing a coin on her skin and it let a grey line, due to low iron. Now she eats chicken, turkey, nuts, used to eat eggs, rice protein powder, quinoa, peanut butter.

My sex drive isn't that high and I can control it. If I got sex 3 - 4x every week, I don't crave sex and occasional porn is non existent. I don't even really think about sex at that point.

She had a LD before I had laser eye surgery and afterwards. 

She has a LD before when I was very skinny and after I got big.

I honestly think it has to do with people in her highschool and college years, telling her she is fat, not amount to much, etc., and her boyfriend pretty much told her the same thing and demanded sex before they broke up and he left to work elsewhere. She was still a virgin, so I was her first. We waited 6 months to be sure the birth control took effect and the first few times, I was very gentle and didn't do much until she was comfortable, no discomfort and started enjoying sex. But she wouldn't let me perform oral on her ever. Insecurity thing. Until after our talk, she now lets me do oral on her instead of always pushing my away. She tells me, I might smell down there and I told her no one smells like roses, I don't care and I gave her oral to orgasm and I think that's all in her head.

Just found out she has normal iron levels and that they were recently checked.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Why would you want a lower sex drive? To be happier with her. If you lowered your drive some to wanting it 1 to 2x a week, she might be up for that.

I mean why have you stayed with her so long if this has always bothered you? Is it bothering you more since you got in shape and lost the glasses?

birth control pills can lower the sex drive


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Myself, I don't want a lower sex drive with the many reasons stated, but some here think lowering a man's sex drive to match the women's LD is a good idea?!

Why not increase the women's LD to match the hubbies HD?

It was more the always rolling her eyes, you just got it a few days ago, again?, maybe tomorrow, and that doesn't happen either, falls asleep during foreplay with my penis in her hand, never taking the initiative, and going weeks at a time of no sex, yes, that does get to you over 13+ years of marriage. But since that talk, things have changed a lot, her sex drive still needs work but has changed for the better. And who knows, after the minor diet changes, iodine supp and hormonal shot, anything can happen?

Before she went on birth control, we were dating and she was giving me BJ's every day. Then as we got married, she went on birth control, we waited 6 months to be safe and you know the rest.

Could her birth control be killing her sex drive? Maybe.

Could it be more of her past before she met me, probably.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Myself, I don't want a lower sex drive with the many reasons stated, but some here think lowering a man's sex drive to match the women's LD is a good idea?!
> 
> Why not increase the women's LD to match the hubbies HD?


Maybe some people are thinking you're a selfish person if you don't lower your sex drive to conform to your wife's LDness?

It's like "you married her, she's LD, so now you must betray your true nature, and force yourself to become LD too, so that you both will be happy".

It's about _you_ must give up your sex drive for the "good" of the marriage. 

it's about your sexual need is not important enough compared to her happiness and your marriage.

Do you think the same way? If yes, perhaps you can get yourself hormone treatments to make your libido much lower.

Maybe you will become happier. Maybe.

Just don't say I advised this to you, coz I didn't.

I won't take the responsibility of the resentment you might be experiencing, for doing something you don't really want to do, to get results which cannot be guaranteed.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

CB, you are artificially raising your natural sex drive level by using supplements and testosterone to cause it to go through the roof. 3x a day is what you want, but would settle for 3-4x a week. Your wife NEVER wanted anything near that amount of sex.

With an already LD wife, it seems counter-productive to artificially sky-rocket your drive even higher than what your sex drive without supplements would be.

You are making this drive mismatch _worse_.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

In other words, if she is naturally LD then why should she take supplements to increase her drive? He's taking test supplements which are clearly increasing his drive which was high before. He should stop taking his supplements so they can try to be in the same range.

We all know that sex is a wonderful thing to behold, it is just like food. However you are placing a burden on her with your drive, which is somewhat artifically enhanced. Please consider what we are saying and try not to take this the wrong way. Your wife was able to accomodate you recently after you made your request for more intimacy, but it can only last for so long before she feels resentment and starts to pull away from you again. You are asking her to take things to increase her drive higher than her normal level. She may be feeling inadequate and that could cause depression in and of itself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Tigger said:


> Why would you want a lower sex drive? To be happier with her. If you lowered your drive some to wanting it 1 to 2x a week, she might be up for that.
> 
> I mean why have you stayed with her so long if this has always bothered you? Is it bothering you more since you got in shape and lost the glasses?
> 
> birth control pills can lower the sex drive


I think what CB is saying is that a decrease in his sex drive would come about as a result as a result of less working out and fitness. IOW, he would have to be less healthy to lower his sex drive, which is not worth it.

Moreover, CB is saying that reducing his drive to match his wife's is solving the wrong problem.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Update:


Since my wifee has done the final minor diet change from her naturpath and started taking her iodine for her thyroid, she seems to be much happier and cuddling with me a lot more. She's just in a better mood.

I just want to clarify about the supps I take. They are natural and not steroidal. They do raise my testosterone and Human Growth Levels to what my body can naturally do but they don't go through the roof. They help with my weight training and having more energy at times makes the heavy weights feel light.

I'm not addicted to sex. I don't need it every day. I can easily have sex every day, but I have control and it really isn't that bad like everyone here might think.

Compromising having sex 3 - 4x times each week I can live with, have got used to and am fine with.

If I let my sex drive drop, no supps, no weight training, my sex drive drops completely, maybe once a month, so that's not happening and then we'd have a room mate marriage going on, which isn't healthy for anything.

Too many posts here about a LD spouse and how miserable their marriages are.....

If I compared to wife today vs one year ago and further back, she has changed and especially from our recent talk. Her sex drive can slide a bit at times but I remind her and we're good again and I don't pester her everyday for sex either.

Example, whenever we cuddle on the couch she usually never initiates sex. But lately, she has been calling me to come downstairs for cuddling which she never does. I come downstairs, we cuddle, 5 minutes later her hand is in my pants and then a great BJ. She tells me, see it's not like I'm never in the mood, right? So she is definitely trying and changing.

I wonder how different she would of been if she took care of herself since her highschool years and was never called fat and useless? I bet she would of had a healthy normal sex drive, doing most of the things the ladies all here do and would be in good shape too.

For myself, if I want to get something done, I research it and its done yesterday. It's that simple to me, no matter what it might be. My wife is not that way, talk about it, knows she should do it, talk about it some more, and it gets put off....


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Update:
> 
> 
> ...But lately, she has been calling me to come downstairs for cuddling which she never does. I come downstairs, we cuddle, 5 minutes later her hand is in my pants and then a great BJ. She tells me, see it's not like I'm never in the mood, right? So she is definitely trying and changing.


:smthumbup:

Indeed Mr. Bug, that's the spirit!

You accept and acknowledge your wife's present LD-ness, and you appreciate any improvements she's been making. By making her feels good for making improvements will make her wanting to improve more, hopefully.

You're on the right track, don't ever change that. You are getting results, even though they are small improvements, but worth the effort. Don't stop weightlifting and natural medicine. You don't need to lower your drive AT ALL, seems like you are in good control of them, don't anybody tell you any different.

Wishing you best of luck in your efforts for a happy marriage!


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## debster (Dec 17, 2012)

Instead of cuddling on the couch, why don't you go for a walk talk? This meets her needs of talking and also getting exercise. 

Putting pressure on her to lose weight will not work. Continue to prepare healthy meals and not buy junk. That is the best you can do there to help her. The rest has to come from within her, when she's ready (hopefully soon).


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

DTO said:


> I think what CB is saying is that a decrease in his sex drive would come about as a result as a result of less working out and fitness. IOW, he would have to be less healthy to lower his sex drive, which is not worth it.
> 
> Moreover, CB is saying that reducing his drive to match his wife's is solving the wrong problem.



Exactly. :iagree:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

No one needs supplements to work out and stay healthy.

His natural drive and his wife's drive would probably be very close much closer if he was working out and NOT taking supplements.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Going for a walk talk is a good idea. But my wife also works a full time job and is pooped when she gets home, so we usually talk a bit about our day, watch some tv together while cuddling and napping together on the couch. Then after that, we make our own food for next days work and do whatever for the rest of the evening. I usually weight train and my wife uses her laptop and watches tv to unwind before going to bed.

A walk talk would work on our weekends though.

I don't tell her "lose the weight" or "go to a gym".

Since my wife is eating even healthier, I will too, so as to support her. If I have a bad snack, treat, junk food, it will be at work and she won't be told, not to rub it in her face.

Yah, I think I'm on the right track, agreed. Even since our talk, it has got the ball rolling.

My wife has a LD due to her larger size which makes her insecure and covers herself up. To remedy this, she must go to a gym, get in shape by losing the weight, wear those clothes she's always wanted to wear for herself and me and I know her confidence would go up and the sex drive would increase. That's all it is.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

norajane said:


> No one needs supplements to work out and stay healthy.
> 
> His natural drive and his wife's drive would probably be very close much closer if he was working out and NOT taking supplements.




True. You don't need supps to be healthy.

True. You don't need to work out either to be healthy.

You don't need to do much of anything to be healthy, just eat right.


These above truths work but will not increase strength, not increase sex drive, not slow aging, not burn fat 24/7 (more muscle does this) and most women like a man who has a muscular build instead of close to nothing and skinny.

You also prevent injury by strengthening the muscles and when we get older, definitely a good thing. Use it or lose it.

As we all get older, our metabolisms do slow down, we get fatter and weaker. Supps and weight training counter act this quite nicely. I am 39 but guys at the shop say I look like 30 and I had to show one my drivers license. The guys at the shop who are 39+ years old look their age, are getting fat, skinny, not good. My wife wife even told me yesterday than I am not the norm for say a 40 year old and she smiled......a good thing.


You have to understand, men are built on testosterone, the sex hormone. The higher our test levels, our sex drive increases and so does our fat burning, strength levels, health and well being. To kill our sex drives to be LD for our spouses who are doing nothing about it is ridiculous.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> True. You don't need supps to be healthy.
> 
> True. You don't need to work out either to be healthy.
> 
> ...


Yea, results talk! Even the lady loves it!

No apology or justification needed!

Continue doing the right thing, and reap the good results!



CuddleBug said:


> To kill our sex drives to be LD for our spouses who are doing nothing about it is ridiculous.


Well, you're an adult, you can choose for yourself which advice are worthy for you to choose.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You are _choosing _to be more sexually frustrated than you need to be so that you can look more pumped up than you would be if you just lifted weights without supplements. Your choice.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

For me to kill my sex drive (no supps, no weight training) is not optional. Compromise 50 / 50, Sex 3+ times each week or every day. But sex only once or less every week, never.

I am a man, not a woman, test, not so much estrogen. Get things done, not so much talking about it "but I have no issues compromising if its 50 / 50."


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> For me to kill my sex drive (no supps, no weight training) is not optional. Compromise 50 / 50, Sex 3+ times each week or every day. But sex only once or less every week, never.
> 
> I am a man, not a woman, test, not so much estrogen. Get things done, not so much talking about it "but I have no issues compromising if its 50 / 50."


estrogen increases women's sex drive (with a good amount of progesterone to convert estrogen to Estradiol, the sex hormone for women), hormones for men and women work differently.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

TiggyBlue said:


> estrogen increases women's sex drive (with a good amount of progesterone to convert estrogen to Estradiol), hormones for men and women work differently.



So how to increase estrogen levels in women enough so their sex drive's increase noticeably? Certain foods? Supps? Exercise or is that more for men?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> So how to increase estrogen levels in women enough so their sex drive's increase noticeably? Certain foods? Supps? Exercise or is that more for men?


You can cause OTHER problems with too much estrogen, dude. Don't be misdiagnosing her just because you want to increase her sex drive:



> High levels of estrogen are *very common in women*, especially in women over 35, yet most ignore and try to live with the problem because they attribute it as part of their menstrual cycle or aging.
> 
> In addition, many women of menopausal age believe they are actually lacking in estrogen, and this misconception has led many women to engage in hormone replacement therapy. However, this *additional estrogen only exacerbates the problem* further, complicating health even more.
> 
> ...


AND


> *Warnings About High Estradiol Levels*
> 
> High estradiol levels put women at risk for endometrial cancer. Additionally, high estradiol levels put both men and women at risk for stroke and breast cancer.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Exercise and eating healthy (especially flax seeds and soy milk), so it is pretty much the same as for men. Plenty of vitamin b and c helps too.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

norajane said:


> You can cause OTHER problems with too much estrogen, dude. Don't be misdiagnosing her just because you want to increase her sex drive:
> 
> AND


That definitely true,checking her hormones out first would be the best option (before looking for a actual supplement specifically for estrogen), plus if she's on the pill everything can be thrown out of wack.
But her eating healthier and exercising won't cause hormones to go into overdrive,flax seeds and soy help hormones to level out some.
Plus having a artificial supplement for estrogen without progesterone level's being checked will cause her sex drive to go down even more and more weight gain.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

When she has tried to lose weight before has it been BOOM into the gym and totally cutting out junk food?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

TiggyBlue said:


> Exercise and eating healthy (especially flax seeds and soy milk), so it is pretty much the same as for men. Plenty of vitamin b and c helps too.


That's interesting. I eat soy and flax seeds daily and have a very healthy drive


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Only my wife's naturpath is prescribing her the iodine, meal changes and what she should avoid. I am not prescribing my wife anything!!!

Thanks for the eye opener on the dangers of high estrogen levels!!!

I have flax oil (with DHA) every day, along with whey, blueberries, vegetables, basmati rice and quinoa, walnuts, LOTS of water, oatmeal, eggs, non read meat protein sources like fish, chicken, turkey, some organic peanut butter, wheat / gluten free bread and english muffins. You get the idea. My diet is solid and my wife eats similarly and feels great. 

Her naturpath has refined her diet so to clean my wife's system out, iodine supps for her thyroid and then the shot to reset her hormones (wife's idea along with naturpath).

When my wife initially went to the gym, it was with a gf of hers. This gf quit after a few months, so my wife quit a few months later. Then sometime later, my wife went to the gym again by herself (women's gym) and then quit again. Then she said she'd go for power walks after work, didn't do that either. Then she said when I get my own car, I'll go to a gym. She got her own car and the company even pays half of her expenses, and she still does nothing. My wife is the type of woman that needs someone to remind her, push her or it doesn't get done.....

She was saying her vitamin b levels are low, so off to her naturpath.

Notice she is taking the path of least resistance and effort..........NO EXERCISE.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> So how to increase estrogen levels in women enough so their sex drive's increase noticeably? Certain foods? Supps? Exercise or is that more for men?


Don't play around with hormones, it is not advisable..

Exercise is better. Find easy exercise which are not too tiring, not too difficult, not too painful, can be done anytime.

How about this one? It looks fun 

Advanced tae exercise to lose weight - YouTube

And you two could work it out together! I believe the instructor in the film also produced instructional DVDs for those who'd rather practice at home.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Since I have a high metabolism and I'm an Ectomorphic body type, I do very little cardio and mainly heavy and high volume weight training, 6 days per week and 1 day of nothing. I do the Intermittent Fasting on my non working days and eat 6 mini meals on my working days.

All those Tae Bo like programs are more for high intensity cardio to tone up and lose weight but not build muscle, size and strength. Great for my wife and with a gf but not for me.

Muscle is what burns fat 24 / 7, not cardio. Cardio is great to warm up and get the blood pumping, but that's it.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

What if she likes those Tae Bo thingie and wants you accompany her? ain't that sounds fun?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If I do intense cardio, I lose a lot of weight fast and have a very hard time gaining it back. So not so much cardio for my body type. Just the way I am built. When I lose the weight, it is gone and will take months if not years to gain it back. I've lost up to 8 lbs in one day and took me 2 - 3 months to gain it back.

I eat about 4200 calories a day.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

I see, you have to sacrifice your gains to do the Tae Bo 

Well, at least show the youtube video to her. It's an easy enough exercise and she could learn in her own pace, her own time. You don't have to hop along jumping and kicking alongside her, but imagine her doing the Tae Bo to the video, while you're pumping iron next to her. It would still means that you're working out together, right?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Going to a Tae Bo gym or something to that effect, I would be staring at all the hot women, so nope.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Nooo, don't have to go anywhere. Tae Bo can be learned at home, using Billy Blanks's DVDs 

Billy Blanks PT24/7 - Double the workout in half the time


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## debster (Dec 17, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Going to a Tae Bo gym or something to that effect, I would be staring at all the hot women, so nope.


O CB, get over it already! You exasperate me sometimes!!!


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

I do not think that CB should appologize for feeling and acting like a health male. Most healthy males have an active libido.

CB is concerned about his wife's weight, yet one of his ways of wooing her is to bring her food or chocolate...maybe he should have a better way to woo here where food is not involved.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Since my wife's diet was refined even more by her naturpath, I will no longer be buying her sweets and chocolate treats. Even ordering food I will order chicken with salads, stirfry, no more pizza's or heavy pasta's with sauces, yet get the idea. But I will be trying to find new fun foods she can eat. I don't want her to get bored of the same healthy food choices.

She will probably go to a women's only gym after the cleansing diet, iodine supp and hormonal shot. This way she can meet other ladies in a similar situation, make new friends, get out of her shell a bit and have her space.

I've been in situations were I could of hooked up with hot women who take care of their bodies. Main reason I don't go out as much and train at home. One example was a young woman at a work party who was giving my the come hither finger and tongue on her upper lip, why don't you want to party with me??? I told her, I'm taken and probably not a good idea. I said this quietly so as not to embasrass her. Instead of backing off, she tells me, your other half doesn't half to know, I won't say anything, you don't have to tell her, and she give me this puppy eye look........at that point we got gifts so I was called to the front and when I came back, she was sitting in my chair. I left soon afterward and she was looking for me.........that was as close as I came to cheating on my wife. I have more examples but I know I'm weak when it comes to hot women, so I stay home for the most part. No issues then.


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## debster (Dec 17, 2012)

debster said:


> O CB, get over it already! You exasperate me sometimes!!!


Sorry CB, I apologize. I let my frustration get the better of me. 

But I still stand by my position that there's something that you are bringing or not bringing to the table which is impacting your relationship.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

debster said:


> Sorry CB, I apologize. I let my frustration get the better of me.
> 
> But I still stand by my position that there's something that you are bringing or not bringing to the table which is impacting your relationship.



Nope, not that I know of. I've pretty much brought everything to the table.

I know I have a bit of a short temper at times which isn't a big deal anymore.

Here's a new change for my wife. If we're low on a certain food item, usually she'd get mad and tell me, why didn't you buy enough for the week? I tell her, I'm not perfect and 99% of the time we're good. You have a car, buy that item(s) after work, and anything else you might need. So today, that's what she did!!! We were low on broccoli and blueberries, so she went to the grocery store after work on her way home (its on her way). That's a first....nice.

Instead of me paying for the major upgrades, I've talked to her and now we pay them 50 / 50, which gives me financial space to breath and bank up my account. It also allows us to do one major upgrade every year now.

Ask me questions, what am I not bringing to the table?


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