# Wife's EA with EX BF the soulmate crap



## what.now (Nov 7, 2011)

Ok I will try to keep this short. Wife her early 30's, me early 40's. I have not been a good husband, have a temper, used to drink... Wife's EA is going on for months and last week she came clean about it and just asked for the D. I exposed to her family they don't care, I exposed to his family who doesn't give a **** either... Wife's AP is an ex bf, she gave me the whole soul mate crap, has always loved him blah blah blah...

I love her and don't want to lose her, I want to fix this...

What do I do??????????


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Let her go and find someone who won't pull that BS on you.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Work on yourself.

For example, take anger management counseling/class.


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## what.now (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks guys. I think I may have came to this site to late and not much can be done about my marriage anymore, I'm feeling so lost... I took anger management classes during my rehab and I been going to IC since then 6 months ago. OM has filled for divorce and moved out, his wife doesn't want him back. My wife is determined to file for divorce as well so I'm at loss... Thank you for listen.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

best thing you can do to save your marriage
best thing you can do to save your sanity
best thing that you can do to win her back
best thing that you can do to ease the horrible pain your in
best way to ruin any chance her new relationship is successful

They are all the same....

Let her go. Wish her well, and continue working on being a better man.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

The worst thing that you can do to a man that steals your wife...

...is to let him keep her.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

what.now said:


> Thanks guys. I think I may have came to this site to late and not much can be done about my marriage anymore, I'm feeling so lost... I took anger management classes during my rehab and I been going to IC since then 6 months ago. OM has filled for divorce and moved out, his wife doesn't want him back. My wife is determined to file for divorce as well so I'm at loss... Thank you for listen.


I'm sorry that exposure hasn't worked in killing the affair. The only thing now is to let her go. Only 3% of relationships borne of affairs last beyond 2 years because its based on a fantasy. As you've seen, they now have this "us against the world" mentality, and NOTHING anyone does at this point can change this. 

You CANNOT make her love you and leave the OM, and neither can the OMW make her husband love her. They're so deep in the fog, that only reality can kill this affair. She's only seen the best of him. She hasn't had to raise kids with him, or have the daily struggle of raising the kids, paying the bills, the rent/mortgage, or had him take care of her when she's sick, etc, etc. Like I said, it's pure fantasy for them at this point. 

Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is let her go. It sucks to be sure, but this is your only choice. Lawyer up, split your finances, and fight for primary custody of your children. I really hate it when I read about this soulmates crap. This comes from the really intense feelings they have for each other during the affair. Like I said, pure fantasy. 











Also, check out this link to a movie made by a betrayed spouse like you and us, about this soulmate crap. It makes fun of this soulmate bullsh!t. 

Soul Mate Shmoopies


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## what.now (Nov 7, 2011)

Thank you guys. I really appreciate the support, I'm devastated and trying to control myself as far as drinking is concern, not easy I'm going through a roll coaster of emotions, I feel I'm dying inside, this is the worst pain I ever went through.

She came home today after work with BIL and two police officers, took every single thing that belongs to her including everything she brought into the house from the time she was single (this includes furniture between other things) We own the house and a few other things that is in both our names, there's no joint accounts, she has a very good job and I'm unemployed for the last two and half years. She also took our two kids (ages 4 and 2) and I couldn't do a single thing, she also told me I will be served soon and "to not make of this a drama" WTF WTF WTF.... Also told me how OM really is her "soul mate" and "a real man" and that I "will be served soon" I can't afford a lawyer, I'm a total mess right now, can't stop crying and just trying not to drink... 

I know I have not been the best of husbands but I don't think I deserve this. I'm just numb...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

The only thing you can do at this point is to take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, and drink water. You also have to look for employment. Is there a physical reason that you've been unemployed for the past 2 and a half years? This happens quite often when a husband loses his job and becomes unemployed, or the husband is a Stay At Home Dad (SAHD), or is disabled. The man loses value in the eyes of his WW and she starts looking for someone else due to her hypergamous nature. You've lost your attractiveness and value in her eyes. I know it sucks, the vows for better for worse, for richer and for poorer, have no meaning for a lot of people nowadays. 

Don't self medicate with alcohol, it does no good. Your problems will still be there after the alcohol wears off. Get with friends and family. Utilize your support system. Clean yourself up, use the computer you're on now and start looking for a job, that way you'll have some funds to start fighting for your kids and supporting them. Think of yourself and your children. I know its easier said than done, but you have to get up off the ground and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Man up!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Borrow money and get yourself a lawyer, do not just roll over and accept her abuse.

If you are unemployed she owes you spousal support. Also sue to get full custody of the kids and child support. Take everything fom her that she holds dear.make her choice to cheat and end the family very costly for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Borrow money and get yourself a lawyer, do not just roll over and accept her abuse.
> 
> If you are unemployed *she owes you spousal support*. Also sue to get *full custody of the kids and child support*. Take everything fom her that she holds dear.make her choice to cheat and end the family very costly for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

If you've been unemployed, then you've been the children's primary caregiver. You have a great chance of getting full custody.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

WTF, she took the kids? See a lawyer.


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## what.now (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks guys. I'm feeling a little better, my sponsor came by and will be staying with me for tonight. He asked a guy who attends meetings with us and is a lawyer to give me a free consultation tomorrow morning, he hinted the possibility of maybe taking my case and work out a payment when I can or pay him every month whatever I can. If not I will see if I can borrow some money from my family.

I lost my job (due to my drinking) two and half years ago, after that my drinking went down hill and I was just not able to hold a job at all, about ten months ago I was in rehab for about four months and been sober since then for about ten months now, I been going to meetings, IC twice a week and been working on myself really hard, I have worked on some part time jobs here and there but due to this economy and my past (I had issues with the law due to my drinking) it has been tough find a steady job. My wife's job has day care and that's where the kids have been staying while she is at work. I don't want to lose my kids, I want fully custody and everything else I may come up with, I admit all my mistakes but I do not think I deserve to be treated this way, we even went to MC for the last eight months, eight ****ing months!!!! Now it's so clear why it didn't work!!!! I just wonder if the affair has been going for that long!!!!! Something I forgot to mention the OM is a lawyer.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

I would out this guy and report him to the bar association, as well.
I am a lawyer. There are so many scumbags in this "profession". I know a bunch that cheat on their spouses.
Good luck.


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## what.now (Nov 7, 2011)

Arnold said:


> I would out this guy and report him to the bar association, as well.
> I am a lawyer. There are so many scumbags in this "profession". I know a bunch that cheat on their spouses.
> Good luck.


OM comes from a family of lawyers, his wife is not giving much of a fight, doesn't want him back and seemed to me she is even willing to let him have their kids (he filed for fully custody) his wife told me she will not contest the divorce, whatever his wife reasons are it seems to me OM will have it pretty easy!!!


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