# General mind dump



## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Hi All,

It's been some time since I last posted here having started my TAM journey in early 2021. A lot has happened since my last posts.

I got remarried in August of this year to a really wonderful man. For the moment we're still long distance as we've entered the long process to get me a visa to move to him, and this is where my mind is now currently overwhelmed with everything.

My husband is a US citizen and I am in the UK. I will be moving that way since he has 2 young children. It's scary to be leaving my family and friends behind, but I live away from them all due to work now, so it won't really be much different, other than the travel to see them is much longer.😅😅 

My mind is currently overwhelmed with the whole process of obtaining my visa to move. There is no set amount of time this visa process could take, it may be 7-8 months, it may be 15 months. We're 2 months into that process now. 
I have to give 6 months notice at work to my employer. They are aware of my plans, but here's where the additional challenges come in.

I'm currently not happy in my employment. I have worked for this company for a long time, but lately they're not exhibiting the values that have kept me loyal to them in the past. In addition, my job is in a very high pressured situation right now, and I am literally making myself ill trying to achieve everything.

If it wasn't for my life move happening next year, I would have already resigned and moved to another job, but I feel prevented from doing that because any job I could take afterwards would only be very short term. In addition, the security of this job helps me to satisfy the border agents when visiting my husband (I have to prove strong ties to the UK and prove I will not try and stay illegally.)

And then there is the unknown of the whole visa process. I cannot wait until I have my visa in hand to resign since I have to relocate to the US before my notice period would then be up. I'm going to have to try to judge it and resign when the first stage of the process is approved. This may mean I either have some notice left to serve after final approval, or that I'm out of work for a short period of time before final approval.

In addition to all this, I'm currently in rented accommodation. My lease is due to expire at least a few months before I'm likely to be approved for the visa. I really don't want to have to move if I can avoid it, and in any case obtaining a short term lease somewhere will be a challenge. I am going to try to get a 6 month extension to my lease, but my landlord may decide to sell or make the property a holiday let again as it was prior to the pandemic.

So in short, my head's overwhelmed being in a job that is making me ill, and trying to time a life move, and I cannot decide which decision to take first. I just feel a little stuck. 

Nothing worth having in life is ever easy 🤣


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Assuming you have been a good tenant, speak to your landlord about a month to month lease. 

As much as you hate the job, now is not the time to quit. You will be resigning soon enough with the move so grit your teeth & bear it. Console yourself by looking for jobs where you will be moving. Obviously you can't apply yet but fuel your dreams. 

You have a LOT going on. Of course you feel overwhelmed. Self soothe as best you can. 

Congrats on the marriage, BTW


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> Assuming you have been a good tenant, speak to your landlord about a month to month lease.
> 
> As much as you hate the job, now is not the time to quit. You will be resigning soon enough with the move so grit your teeth & bear it. Console yourself by looking for jobs where you will be moving. Obviously you can't apply yet but fuel your dreams.
> 
> ...


My lease will automatically move to a month to month lease. It's a beachfront apartment which was let as an AirBnB before I took it. He let it out long term due to the pandemic and I prevented him from reverting back to being a holiday let last year by extending for 12 months. I don't really want to have to do that this time. I'm thinking also to let it roll and see what conversation he approaches with me, if any. 

The problem with gritting my teeth and bearing it is that I have been doing that for 18 months since I took this job. I'm exhausted and the thought of doing it for another 6 months or so is challenging. Having one eye on the door also doesn't help my tolerance and resilience levels I know, and I have to hold myself back from simply sending my resignation on a daily basis! lol

I'm not one to allow my life to drift, and I guess part of the challenge is I don't feel in control, and ultimately I'm not - USCIS is 😅 I'm trying to be patient with the process and take care of myself, but I'm not managing the stress very well.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

What are some other solutions? Can you quit & survive on whatever you can earn in some other job?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hope you have spent loads of time together in person.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> What are some other solutions? Can you quit & survive on whatever you can earn in some other job?


I can yes, and I've considered that. I'm concerned how that would look to border agents when visiting though, that's what prevents me.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Hope you have spent loads of time together in person.


Hi Diane,

We've spent as much time together physically as we can. One of us travels every other month, and we managed to have nearly a month together with his children in the early summer too.
I know there's still some situations we haven't faced together physically of course, but we do our best to show those to each other, and we've had some tough and important topics to work through together.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How old asre his c


MarmiteC said:


> Hi Diane,
> 
> We've spent as much time together physically as we can. One of us travels every other month, and we managed to have nearly a month together with his children in the early summer too.
> I know there's still some situations we haven't faced together physically of course, but we do our best to show those to each other, and we've had some tough and important topics to work through together.


How old are his children and how much does he have them?


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> How old are his children and how much does he have them?


5 & 10. And he has physical custody of them. If things are working well that's 12 days every 14. If they're not working well (you may remember a previous thread of mine this is ex wife is an alcoholic) then he has them all the time.


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