# Does the love ever go away??



## oceansaway (May 16, 2011)

Question for all those you are divorced and have moved on in their lives. When you spend 15 years with someone...no matter what happens during your marriage (the good and bad) does the love you have for your spouse ever go away???

My husband loved me SO much...and I pushed him away. I rejected him for a long time and now he is with OW. I have crushed him (so he says). I just don't understand!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Love just doesn't disappear. But it will change over time.

You will always love him but it's not like how it was.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I wish my wife would have a moment of clarity like you. BEFORE, I do find the OW.

I still love her, but I am finding that my mood on that swings up and down like a roller coaster. I feel like she rejected me for so long as well. I am on my way to D but there may be a small glimmer of hope, but she has to be the one to approach me - she has never honestly apologized to me for anything. Maybe she was too proud or thought she never made mistakes, I dunno but the window of opppertunity, if any, is closing fast for us.

BTW, we were 36 years together. Talk about throwing away a lifetime of memories. Yes, the wound is deep in my heart.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I wouldn't cross the street to piss down your throat if your head was on fire. And bring plenty of sunblock for when you're in hell.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

RLD? I don't get it. Who are you posting to?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The world. just kidding. I have a conversation rolling around in my head re: wifey who hasn't so much as uttered a word to me since Saturday. I can't decide whether that's a blessing, a curse or if there's a difference.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

yeah that spunded like at the wife  but its ok we all have our angry days mine was yesterday. I can say for a fact I will always love my wife, however me wanting to be around her well if she pushes me out the door I am not going to ask to come in to be a friend. Would hurt way to much to have that much love for a person and only be allowed in the living room if you get the metaphor.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

All I can is there better never be a time when the plane is missing a chute.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> The world. just kidding. I have a conversation rolling around in my head re: wifey who hasn't so much as uttered a word to me since Saturday. I can't decide whether that's a blessing, a curse or if there's a difference.


Yeah, sunday my stbxw was in a rage and woild not even look at me. Today she got home from a business trip and ask me if i wanted to watch tv with her. Yeah, i think i need to be on my own for a while before i lose my sanity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

I hope so. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I have been divorced now for about 9 years and the love does not "go away" but it does change. For example I do not love him now. I can't honestly say I like him all that much  But I don't wish him any ill will and we don't act spitefully or anything. We are very different individuals and I do wish he would have been ready to work on it but he wasn't. Now he feels somewhat similar to a cousin for me--you know that weird cousin we all have who is kind of odd but you can't really get rid of him because he's "family" and in a way he sort of amuses you because he's so bizarre? Yeah...kind of like that.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I hope so, I hope the feelings I have for this cowardly bastid will change into a null and void kinda feeling. I don't like the person he had become. I don't like the changes he decided to make that affect my life, I don't like still loving someone who could hurt me like this. And frankly he doesn't deserve it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

hesnothappy said:


> I hope so, I hope the feelings I have for this cowardly bastid will change into a null and void kinda feeling. I don't like the person he had become. I don't like the changes he decided to make that affect my life, I don't like still loving someone who could hurt me like this. And frankly he doesn't deserve it.


I don't love my ex. Most part is indifferent but I dislike when he hurts our kids and can hate him then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Really good question,i needed answers on this today as well.
I understand that feelings are complicated thing but don't understand how can i love him when he has hurt me so much and continues doing so...these feelings need to go away NOW.I can take the cousin feelings,i like that 

PS.don't get fooled by my siggie,i have no strenght yet to remove it....we are in a process of a divorce


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Affaircare said:


> Now he feels somewhat similar to a cousin for me--you know that weird cousin we all have who is kind of odd but you can't really get rid of him because he's "family" and in a way he sort of amuses you because he's so bizarre? Yeah...kind of like that.


:rofl: I love this description! And like you, looking back, I'm not sure I really liked him in the end... I certainly didn't like his character and a lot of the ways he handled himself, his temper, disagreements. I read somewhere that the best love is when you really like someone...


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I don't love the person my STBX is now, I think I'm more in love with the idea of who he could be. I am in the mourning process I think.. it's like greiving for the dead. One minute I'm fine... but the next minute I'm scared, and lonely and crying and think for just a minute that I would take him back. 

Kind of like when someone dies, you miss them, miss little things they did to make you laugh. I just have to remember all the things my STBX has done and then I get over those minutes real fast. 

It's hard, and it's probably going to be hard for awhile. I'm suppose to meet with my STBX today, we are getting together to fill out paperwork for the bankruptcy we are filing. The only reason I want to sit with him and do it is because if I don't force him to do it, it won't get done. And I want it done soon, so we can get the divorce going. I'm just afraid hes going to try to suck me in to relationship talk tonight, try to tell me he wants to work it out. I pray I'm now strong enough to just tell him that it's done and I have no interest in "us" or any idea of "us". Us is dead.


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