# Childless women



## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good evening everybody

I think that I have now understand my wife's problem. She is a lady who is childless, not on purposes, she claims to have a number of miscarriages. Could I ask for opinion on this, if a woman does not have a child obviously she feels unfulfilled, also once she passed the menopause over the last ten years, interest in sex declines and even probably reminds her that it will not be fulfilled by having a child. Does anybody have any comments on this. Many thanks in anticipation.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

jacko jack said:


> G. Could I ask for opinion on this, if a woman does not have a child obviously she feels unfulfilled


Not true. Many women are child-free by choice and happy with their decision.

I do think it's probably feels different for a woman who wants to have children, but for whatever reason, cannot. That has to be painful.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Not true. Many women are child-free by choice and happy with their decision.
> 
> I do think it's probably feels different for a woman who wants to have children, but for whatever reason, cannot. That has to be painful.


:iagree:

The way you have described your wife in other posts points to something more than not having children.

You can't change that now even if it is the issue, sorry.

I am child free by choice and have never had a pang of regret.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

jacko jack said:


> Good evening everybody
> 
> I think that I have now understand my wife's problem. She is a lady who is childless, not on purposes, she claims to have a number of miscarriages. Could I ask for opinion on this, if a woman does not have a child obviously she feels unfulfilled, also once she passed the menopause over the last ten years, interest in sex declines and even probably reminds her that it will not be fulfilled by having a child. Does anybody have any comments on this. Many thanks in anticipation.


I'm child-free by choice and I'm very fulfilled. I'm thankful I indeed have a choice.

Of course it's totally different if you want children. Then the anguish would be overwhelming if you couldn't have one.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't know your personal story.. or what you are going through with your wife... 

Not every woman wants children, or goes through that maternal longing to be a Mother.. though I can speak of one who did...those were my dreams.. to have a family.. what I felt my purpose was.... if the man didn't want kids, immediate deal breaker here.. I wanted them young too, in our 20's.. things don't always work out as planned.. going through years of secondary infertility gave me a deeper understanding to *the pain* of those who struggled to have even 1 child.. 

We attended an "Infertility Retreat" during that time that a friend headed..... I witnessed a lot of pain there, the financial burden some of these couple go through on top of deferred hope...with no guarantees, to adopt or not to adopt...then watching these wives & husbands planning a tree together for the child they hoped / prayed / longed to have one day.. 

In the christian scripture ..it compares the barren womb to a desert thirsting for water, the grave & a consuming uncontrollable fire...



> Proverbs 30:16 "The grave; and the barren womb; The earth that is not filled with water; And the fire that saith not, "It is enough."
> 
> The grave is never satisfied. No matter how many are buried today, cemeteries will take more tomorrow. Though death cuts men down by the thousands, there is room for more. The grave never says, "It is enough!" It has an insatiable desire for the bodies of men.
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

What do you mean she "claims" to have had a number of MC's"? Do you think she is lying?

I had one at 12 weeks and it was incredibly painful like going through a mini labour. Then had to have a D&C. You can't fake these things.

Or if she had them earlier in the pregnancy the Dr would have investigated multiple MC's. Where I live it is investigated after 2 or 3 of them. Surely you would be in the loop on these issues?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Not true. Many women are child-free by choice and happy with their decision.
> 
> I do think it's probably feels different for a woman who wants to have children, but for whatever reason, cannot. That has to be painful.


It is.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I've experienced infertility, and had I never succeeded, I'm sure I'd be a SHELL of the woman I am now. 

I totally respect childfree by choice. I applaud those women and men.

BUT, if your wife always wanted to be a mom and never was able.....the damage that does to you emotionally can't even be described .


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## sockie (Apr 20, 2015)

Do you think that the miscarriages were really something else and she feels guilt because she chose not to follow through with the pregnancy and now perhaps it's too late and/or she's caused physical damage by terminating the pregnancies? That can weigh heavily on her conscience especially if she has actively suppressed these feelings to the point that they are affecting her every day life.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

My husband and I are childless by choice. We do not feel unfulfilled. We are happily married for ongoing 35 years. Interest in sex after menopause does not stop for all women. In my case, no changes has occurred.

Jack, you really must move on from your marriage. I have read many of your postings. Your wife has tremendous psychological problems. If you have not seen a psychologist yourself, you need to see one to help you see where you would like to be in your life. A sexless marriage is not healthy for a married life.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Holland said:


> What do you mean she "claims" to have had a number of MC's"? Do you think she is lying?
> 
> I had one at 12 weeks and it was incredibly painful like going through a mini labour. Then had to have a D&C. You can't fake these things.
> 
> Or if she had them earlier in the pregnancy the Dr would have investigated multiple MC's. Where I live it is investigated after 2 or 3 of them. Surely you would be in the loop on these issues?


I don't think that's always true. I have five children. I had three miscarriages, All between 5-7 weeks of pregnancy. D &C wasn't necessary and unless you go to a fertility specialist, they're not always investigated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

Certainly some women choose to be childless.

My wife desperately wanted to give me a child. She was devastated by 2 MCs and was still planning fertility injections. She was driven. I wanted her to quit, but she wouldn't.

I remember before marriage we both were only vaguely interested in children. Over time, her need grew.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good morning everybody

Thank you for your posts, I would say that I have only known my wife for just over 10 years, she is 59, I am 62. I have seen her with children, just yesterday, when we looked after a neighbours child, it became apparent that by the way she looked and acted she was desparate to have children. When we first met she had not gone through the menopause, I think the menopause affected her badely. I think I begin to understand some of her actions. Does anybody else have any other comments, please. She did not deliberately decide not to have children. Many thanks in anticipation.


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## Jeffyboy (Apr 7, 2015)

I wouldn't assume she feels unfulfilled with a child. Google "I regret having kids" and you'll see it's true. No one choice is better than another. To each his/her own.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I've experienced infertility, and had I never succeeded, I'm sure I'd be a SHELL of the woman I am now.
> 
> I totally respect childfree by choice. I applaud those women and men.
> 
> BUT, if your wife always wanted to be a mom and never was able.....the damage that does to you emotionally can't even be described .


even adoption? if physical motherhood is not possible and they become adoptive mothers, are they still emotionally cripppled?


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good afternoon everybody

I must say that the last three months have been a journey to me. My wife is desperately unhappy because she has never had a child, I can remember that at the beginning of our relationship she would make love every night, probably so that she could have a baby, at this time she was 47, probably slightly late to have a child. In the last couple of weeks, it has become patently obvious that she regrets not having children. We have look after while our neighbour works a four year old boy, looking at her she was in raptures while he was with us. I even took him swimming, I really feel sorrow for her and look forward to the day that my two sons aged 29 can give us grandchildren. It looks like she make decisions based on the fact of giving her children. As far as monetary considerations are concerned, she has gone to counselling for a number of issues and looks like she is progressing. Any comments or does anybody have any potential pitfalls that I will come accross.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear Intheory

The marriage was consummated on the wedding night, but making love has not taken place since that night, I think I understand the reason why. In this country even if you have sex once after the wedding the marriage is said to have been consummated. Maybe that is what she wanted, I do not know, I think that she is LD. I have seen on this site something like Bit and Take, where sex is given as a bait to trap men, would like to know more from others about this, please.


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## primavera (Sep 4, 2014)

jacko jack said:


> I really feel sorrow for her and look forward to the day that my two sons aged 29 can give us grandchildren.


Hello Jacko Jack, I feel sad for your situation but please try not to place any expectation of grandchildren on your sons. They need to be able to make decisions about their own lives without feeling the pressure of being responsible for your wife's happiness. Although they may well choose to have families of their own in the future, there is equally the possibility that they will not - and they need to be free to make whichever decision is right for them. I speak as a daughter who has chosen not to have children; I have no regrets on my own behalf, but I still feel pain that I cannot give my mother the grandchildren she would so much love to have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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