# Alcoholic at a strip club AND sexless marriage



## MissT (Nov 7, 2016)

Hi, Sarah here. I did post this on an al anon support site but thought I might get some additional advice here (that's why the post is heavy on the alcohol problem)

i met my now husband 10 years ago. We were both extremely heavy drinkers. We started dating not long after that and the first year or so was a mess. Constant drinking, constant breaking up during black outs, then getting back together. But we loved each other and kept trying to make it work. Our sex life was always awesome. In 2010 he got a job offer out of state so I moved with him 450 miles from home. Things were amazing and we got engaged a month later. The heavy drinking continued but at the time we were both doing it so I didn't see the problem. Over these years I gained quite a bit of weight and I lost most of my sex drive although we still had relations at the very least once a month. We married and relocated again 2 years later and that's when things really got bad. The spring after our fall move my husband got his 3rd duI. (The first 2 were before we met, he never had a license since I met him.) I refuse to drive even after 1 drink so he drove my car home during my blackout. I take full responsibility for my part in that night. Since then I have quit drinking, excpt the occasional social drink and never more than 2. I was able to get myself under control. My husband kept right on drinking to excesss constantly for the next year, at least a bottle a night and going to work drunk. He pled guilty in DUI court and has been in the DUI house arrest prgram since. Almost 2 years on a bracelet that cost us over 500 a month that didn't go towards his 10000 in fines. I stuck through it and stood by him the whole time. He was going to his meetings working the program, admitting to his faults and looking hopefully towards a future. My dad passed away suddenly in a tragic accident in February of 2015 and he got through it sober. (Despite the additional stress on me of trying to get my house arrest husband to an out of state funeral) Since getting off the bracelet but while still under court order not to drink, he slipped twice. I flipped out both times but we talked it out and he reaffirmed his sobering commitment. I know people slip, I tried to be understanding while letting him know a downward spiral isn't ok. Friday morning he graduated DUI court. He texted me that he was going to grab a burger and come home...I didn't see him until he was wasted and unable to open our door after midnight.

i checked our bank records and he spent 200 at a strip club. I have no issue with strip clubs as a couples activity or pre planned boys night, but other than that it's cheating to me. He blames our 9 month dry spell on me, however it's actually due to an inability to perform due to brain medications that he takes. I did fly off the handle via text and then posted what was happening on Facebook. I felt completely alone and needed help. i did not take him to work Saturday or Sunday because I needed space. He left me a note blaming me for his strip club trip due to the lack of sex and saying to get the f** out hes been done. Things were great before court. We were totally happy and making plans to celebrate. I don't know if I should be planning for divorce, waiting for him to cool off or what. 

Thanks for listening!


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You are married to an alcoholic. Period.

You haven't had sex in 9 months....and once a month prior to that. 

You posted all this crap on fb. 

The strip club is pretty irrelevant at this point. 

Just call it done and leave. Let him figure his life out. You really need to figure out yours. 

Together is not going to work.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think you take him at his word. He's done. 

Why would you want to continue this craziness anyway?


----------

