# Separated multiple times



## soAppieTogether

My wife and I married very young, but NOT as a result of her pregnancy. We didn't know each other very well at all (ideas about raising kids, family and friends, etc). Right from the beginning we had problems. Within a few years, we separated but then got right back together. Then again we did that. And again, and again. year after year...maybe even every single year. (admittedly, I'm a "flight" guy not a "fight" guy). In 2010, I left on good terms initially for a job about an hour away. But then when she wouldn't move after a few months, things soured quickly for us again and I had a relationship with somebody else, as did she (although her's was what she says was a long distance relationship only). Again we got back together, though - after over a year of being apart. We probably have separated physically 12 times or more and one time - back in 2000 - we even signed a sep. agreement.

My wife is very abusive emotionally, calling me names, talking about my family, or telling our kids they "don't have to listen to your dad's 2 cents". This is the reason I leave. About 2 or 3 months ago, this behavior started up again and on 11/1, I left the home and finally filed for a divorce. We're a little over a month into that and, well, it's working out the same. We were furious at each other for a few weeks, and now I'm going back to the house for dinner, talking to her a lot and more. ;-)

We have gone to counseling, I've read books, I've gone to parenting classes, we go on little vacations just her and I. I even tried some anxiety meds voluntarily...but nothing has helped. 

Given our colorful history, our families obviously have a lot of malcontent. Her brother even got physical with me back in March of this year. My sister says if I go back to her, she'll probably not talk to me anymore.

We have 3 kids: 15, 11 and 6 and because I am now 100% disabled (I have a pacemaker, fractured back and am epileptic, but you wouldn't know I am disabled by looking at me, just to be sure the wrong picture isn't painted). Anyway, so because of that, I spend more time at home than her and raising the kids (she is going to nursing school and works part-time). This has caused problems in an already-suffering marriage because of role-reversal.

I loved my wife when I was packing my things a month ago, I loved her when I was signing the divorce papers a few weeks ago, and I love her now.

Any suggestions?


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## indiecat

She sounds terrible.


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## sharkeey

soAppieTogether said:


> I even tried some anxiety meds voluntarily...


Rather odd how you worded the sentence I quoted above. 

Are most people forced to take anxiety medications? I'm picturing some poor slob strapped to a gurney wearing a straight jacket while they pump the medications right into the arm to stop some sort of out of control frenzy. 

Have you ever been treated for mental illness or has it been suggested that you spend some time in a mental hospital?

There's a reason you felt it necessary to write that you "voluntarily" took anxiety medications..


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## This is me

I am very pro marriage, but you paint a very bad picture. 

You are 100% disabled and your BIL got physical with you?

Your sister will no longer see you if you get back with her?

"We have gone to counseling, I've read books, I've gone to parenting classes...."

Not sure this is healthy for the kids. They are learning by your example as parents.


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