# newly wed needs advice: no sex, and separation



## Duckgirl (Nov 27, 2011)

Hi Everyone,

Need some advice/support here. Everyone thinks I am still a happy newly wed, but the fact is that we did not ever have successful sex since the wedding (both conservative and save for marriage, at least I think so). Then one day I received a phone call from local crisis center, husband had a thought of suicide (due to work, and marriage?). Then With the encouragement from a dominating mother-in-law, husband split the joint account one month after the marriage. He also lied about many things. So I lost my temper and he moved out, first stay with his mom, then I have no idea where. No communication, he simply stepped out of the marriage after only six weeks of the wedding.

Known him for two years, including one year living together. I thought he was happy and optimistic with me, only bugged by his mother's over protection of his son and feeling entitled to judge me. Overall he is a good person, but I am now terrified about this mother-son relation (She yelled at me: I need to have private time with my son!), irresponsibility and being self-centered.

I do not know what he is thinking now, but feel like I should not be so passive, waiting for their "sentence." I told him we could try marriage counseling but got no response from him. Am I a bad wife? I would like to hear your opinions. Thank you!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You are not a bad wife. You married him, and took mommy's little boy from her.

He needs counseling right away. You might want to plan on an annulment of the marriage and move on. It sounds very toxic.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Those over-bearing mother and son issues are only going to get worse. If he's not going to make you the main woman in his life, then you won't be able to make this work. I'm sure that his dysfunctional relationship with his mother is one of the contributing factors to your problems. 

You should demand counseling right away and if he won't do it, then you should leave the relationship. You're not a bad wife. If his mom is the primary woman in his life and not you, then he's not got his priorities in the right place.


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## fastcablecar (Sep 8, 2011)

If he wont man up, lose him and move on you are better off with another man who will love you more than his mother and who will be there with you every step of the way, to me he is a coward for moving out. You are definitely NOT a bad wife, never think that way, hes just a coward behind mommy's back. You are his family he should be backing you up or sticking in for a long haul in the marriage but for this happening as early as now, its a good sign that it might not work, counseling at this very stage is like a big sign that says DEAD END, sorry if im too frank but i actually dont believe in marriage counseling happening in an early marriage that would end up getting the marriage to work but i do believe in marriage counseling when you have been married for 20 years and you get a counseling for sure at least the 3rd person can level out what ever differences you have made for the past 20 years, but weeks? thats nothing, its either you 2 talk about it or just leave the relationship and save yourself the time and be happy with someone else.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

As I understand it you lived with him for a year without sex. Then you married and the sex 'didnt work' and that has caused all this. So the simple answer is to get the sex to work. If you are both prepared to do this your marriage neednt fail.


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## Duckgirl (Nov 27, 2011)

I don't think sex is the only problem. Plus, I am ready for it, but he could not/refused.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Well has he done it before. If he cant then you have to give him time. They usually can in the end.


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## Duckgirl (Nov 27, 2011)

He said he had experience, so I trusted him. But now I feel I don't know this person, though we've been together for two years before married. I had thought he was a loving and caring person, but he is not.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You don't have a marriage. Get an annulment and move on. I'm sorry this has happened to you.


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## Duckgirl (Nov 27, 2011)

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Although I am not a perfect woman, I know I should not stay in a racist family as well (H white and me Asian). I have heard enough humiliation and accusation from the mother and the son. 

I have filed for an annulment. I do love him. When we got married I swore to myself I would do everything for a good life with him. But he does not want it, or his mom does not want him to have it. I have to let it go.

I don't think it is merely a problem of sex, or cultural difference. It's about human nature.


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