# Understanding women sexual needs



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Ok....we know men are primal and have a high sex drive and are very visual...I also know that women need to be loved...in ways that you can touch their hearts - a lot of intimacy during the day, helping with the kids, house, taking care of the finances, etc..doing your part in the life you share together, etc...but what about all the differences there are among women. Take for example, my wife does not enjoy clitoral stimulation that much...she only have orgasms from vagina penetration.....I know that men need to take it slowly (sometimes) and kiss them and tell them how much you love and appreciate them....etc....so man don't need much (physiological stimulation) but women do....after that what else?? - how come there are so many people sad because their sex life sucks!...I know communication problems, lack of intimacy, etc.....but why if women know it is in their power to control a man through their desires by giving them so many things that would rock our world why is that it take so long for you to do it - society?? any ways if there anyone out there who has a better inside into a women sexual needs, please let me know that my loving wife has asked me....thanks


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I think science is often taken out of the debate. I understand a man's fundamental need for sex in order to feel loved, however what about the nature of sex itself?

What I mean is, I'm currently pregnant. I am not in the mood for sex at all. I wouldn't turn my husband down, but I'm not interested. Is it because I want to control him or because I have a low libido? Actually when I'm not pregnant I have a very high sex drive. But I think that my body says to my brain that I don't need sex because I'm already pregnant. My husband never gets the feeling of "I've knocked up a woman so I don't need to have sex." His body never tells him that so he continues to want it. I on the other hand, don't need to have sex because I'm already pregnant kwim? 

And after I have the babies (we're having twins), my body will continue to tell me that I don't need to have sex because I'll be breastfeeding and not ovulating. It will tell me that I've already got a couple of babies I am taking care of so I don't need to have any more for a while. 

Anyway, my point is that I fully intend to MAKE myself have sex with my husband even though I don't want too. The reasons I don't want too are hormonal and have nothing to do with him, but because I know he will feel rejected and unloved if I don't, I will assume the position . I will probably enjoy it once we get into it, but it's something I have to force myself to do. Kind of like how I'll have to force myself to work out to get back in shape after I give birth. After a week of going to the gym, I'll be back on the right track. The same is true of sex imo.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> but why if women know it is in their power to control a man through their desires by giving them so many things that would rock our world why is that it take so long for you to do it


Well, you answered your own question before the above quote...
lack of intimacy, communication problems etc.

And, if the man is NOT doing the stuff you mentioned in the beginning of your post like helping out around the house and such, it breeds resentment and we may not be in the mood either...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.


We have a winner!!!! Do this and you'll be fine........all women are different.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.


What if she says she doesn't need sex? Then what is he supposed to do?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

themrs said:


> What if she says she doesn't need sex? Then what is he supposed to do?


You're the woman, but if I were talking to him I would say:

You talk to her! I'm a man and I don't need sex to feel loved I need sex because I WANT IT! Sounds like you have read too many books. 

I now my wife loves me she shows me everyday, she works hard, is giving, sacrificial, I still want sex! 

Luckily for me we started talking about our need physically and emotionally 15yrs ago and now it's almost perfect! My wants are still more than hers, but 2-3 times a week is solid enough for me. Sometimes more sometimes less.......

My wife wants to please me and I try my hardest to please her not just physically, but everything else housework, kids, freetime, love notes, emails, txts, date night, making sure she knows how beautiful she is, etc etc.

You have to talk to your wife! Sit down have a drink or two and talk about sex, insecurities, wants, how it makes you feel, ask her the tough questions like?

Do you enjoy sex, Do you need sex honestly it won't hurt my feelings, Do you find me attractive still, If I were a better lover, and it goes on and on and on.

This isn't a one conversation and your done thing either. It takes time and hard work on both parties to have a great marriage and great sex life while maintaining a life, a job, and some sanity.

Good luck!! Example today.......I made coffee, got the kids ready so the wife could go to work early, dishes are done, clothes washed, yard looks good, I'll do the homework with the kids when they get home, and dinner will be ready when she get's home. Granted I'm off today, but imo when a man has free time and you show your wife that she get's YOUR time it makes all of the difference. It's sincere because I honestly want nothing else than for her to be happy and feel loved.

Good luck again.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

OhGeesh said:


> You're the woman, but if I were talking to him I would say:
> 
> *You talk to her! I'm a man and I don't need sex to feel loved I need sex because I WANT IT! Sounds like you have read too many books. *
> 
> ...


all the bolded areas i agree with.. men/women do not always need sex to feel loved, my hubby is the same way, sex does NOT make a marriage, and should not be the only thing that holds one up either, we support one another in ALL aspects of marriage ( money chores kids ect), think of it like a building, you CAN NOT have a stable building without ALL parts (foundation steel bars) with the foundation, the bars have nothing to stand on, with out the bars the foundation has nothing to hold up..

try pleasing her in other ways, not just physical, my hubby and i have sex like 1-2 per week ( max) and that is enough for me, he works i pay the bills, i care for our son, i am a SAHM for now on medical leave, and we make it work.

the point is, sex is just the icing on the cake, its the bonus of being married.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

The thing I have noticed and it hit me recently is that why women and men are have sexual /sex problems is that the women work and the men are staying at home to be moms. The men can still ahve sex after he has done whatever becuase he relates physically etc -he has more of the testosterone . BUt the woman relates from an emotional standpoint and if she is to tired which have to help around the house etc and do housework plus work etc she is not going to have the stamina to want sex. I believe that is why alot of women today are struggling to not want it. and besides what they have been taught etc. 

I do know that women need clit stimulation to keep them wet depending on what is in their mind and mental... Women do feel different things at different times in each sexual encounter and that is how they are wired. So... 

thoughts? 

Judith


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

When we have sex, my husband will try to pay attention to my moaning. He notices the differences, he knows if he is doing right or wrong. My moaning excites him also. He comes very quickly if I have very satisfied moaning. 

I always tell my husband what I like and what I don't like. So he focuses on what I like. For example, now he puts his finger into my axx when he is fxxxxxx me, I find it very exciting, I just moan very happily. But I like his middle finger instead of his thumb. He thought that his thumb is bigger, but I prefer his middle finger because it is longer. From now on, I am sure he will only use his middle finger. 

For oral, he used to flick his tongue very quickly, it was too exciting, too much for me to take. I didn't like it. He didn't give up, so he started licking me slowly and try to shove his tongue into my puxxx, now I really enjoy it when he is licking me, and I get to have very strong orgasms. 

Sex is about him and her. Understand what he likes and she likes, focus on what he likes and she likes, then your sex will be great!!!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> When we have sex, my husband will try to pay attention to my moaning. He notices the differences, he knows if he is doing right or wrong. My moaning excites him also. He comes very quickly if I have very satisfied moaning.
> 
> I always tell my husband what I like and what I don't like. So he focuses on what I like. For example, now he puts his finger into my axx when he is fxxxxxx me, I find it very exciting, I just moan very happily. But I like his middle finger instead of his thumb. He thought that his thumb is bigger, but I prefer his middle finger because it is longer. From now on, I am sure he will only use his middle finger.
> 
> ...


The problem is when the wife doesn't like to communicate too much in that area...the other day I asked her, as I was giving her oral sex, what you like most up or down and she replied just keep at it....not mayor feedback so I was all over the place doing the alphabet LOL....I am still trying to reach a level of super pleasure in everything we experience together, I like to feel like this as I feel alive and wonderful - my wife seems to be getting into more and more but still kills me that fact that she gives me so little feedback......


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

themrs said:


> What if she says she doesn't need sex? Then what is he supposed to do?


You are right....to me happy marriage is possible only if you desire to be with your wife / husband 24/7....when the level of desire and love is such that you can't stop thinking about being with each other, then you are in-love and really hot for each other....if not, you run the risk of separation once the kids leave....my opinion


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> The problem is when the wife doesn't like to communicate too much in that area...the other day I asked her, as I was giving her oral sex, what you like most up or down and she replied just keep at it....not mayor feedback so I was all over the place doing the alphabet LOL....I am still trying to reach a level of super pleasure in everything we experience together, I like to feel like this as I feel alive and wonderful - my wife seems to be getting into more and more but still kills me that fact that she gives me so little feedback......


Looks like you have to do a lot of self studying!

You are a diligent student!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Looks like you have to do a lot of self studying!
> 
> You are a diligent student!


Thanks, I just love sex so much!...to be honest with you, I know very well how to please myself too...but my wife is the one who is guilty for all my desires....I find her so beautiful and hot!...and since she has been always so conservative, the fact she is freeing herself and letting me enjoying her body more and more, makes me really hot!....you've no idea...but at 41 still Saturday and Sunday mornings and night plus as much as I can get during the week.....well, every time we have sex she has two orgasms so it is just fair I get to get more orgasms in different ways....:smthumbup:


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Thanks, I just love sex so much!...to be honest with you, I know very well how to please myself too...but my wife is the one who is guilty for all my desires....I find her so beautiful and hot!...and since she has been always so conservative, the fact she is freeing herself and letting me enjoying her body more and more, makes me really hot!....you've no idea...but at 41 still Saturday and Sunday mornings and night plus as much as I can get during the week.....well, every time we have sex she has two orgasms so it is just fair I get to get more orgasms in different ways....:smthumbup:


You just make me 

Sounds like your wife is giving in to your pout!


Did you lie on the floor and cry like a three-year-old? 

Anyway, happy for you. You are getting what you want!

But please respect her feeling also. She'll love you a lot if you care for her feeling. I am grateful to my husband if he doesn't insist his idea on me. If he respects my feeling, I want to do more to please him!!!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> You just make me
> 
> Sounds like your wife is giving in to your pout!
> 
> ...


Well, I help in the house like crazy, I remember our anniversary and gave her earing, I tell her I lover her everyday, I cuddle with her all the time and letter sleep in on weekends....plus, I keep in shape and support her in everything she does....I try....it is my time now, to collect my rewards of years or proving her that I am a good man and father.....but you are right, if she does not feel like doing something, I'll wait until she feels like it (I tell her though that it is important that she addresses my desires at some point since I become obsessed otherwise...and the other think that it is obsessing me nowadays, it that I want her to enjoy everything we do together:smthumbup: too...so we need to do it right....we'll see where life takes us...but it is exciting...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Well, I help in the house like crazy, I remember our anniversary and gave her earing, I tell her I lover her everyday, I cuddle with her all the time and letter sleep in on weekends....plus, I keep in shape and support her in everything she does....I try....it is my time now, to collect my rewards of years or proving her that I am a good man and father.....but you are right, if she does not feel like doing something, I'll wait until she feels like it (I tell her though that it is important that she addresses my desires at some point since I become obsessed otherwise...and the other think that it is obsessing me nowadays, it that I want her to enjoy everything we do together:smthumbup: too...so we need to do it right....we'll see where life takes us...but it is exciting...


Sounds like you are trying very hard to get a smile from her!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

What you are doing is actually very important. A lot of people get sick of each other after a few years because they don't try anything new. It is important to be exploratory in our lives as long as it doesn't hurt our relationship. My husband and I very often discover something new in our life, very often we find new ways of pleasing each other. I think that's why we are so in love!!!
You are the same!!!
I love to read happy posts, although I know this forum is designed for seeking help!!! I try to find happy stuff. I like it a lot when people I like say happy things about themselves!!!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Sounds like you are trying very hard to get a smile from her!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> What you are doing is actually very important. A lot of people get sick of each other after a few years because they don't try anything new. It is important to be exploratory in our lives as long as it doesn't hurt our relationship. My husband and I very often discover something new in our life, very often we find new ways of pleasing each other. I think that's why we are so in love!!!
> You are the same!!!
> I love to read happy posts, although I know this forum is designed for seeking help!!! I try to find happy stuff. I like it a lot when people I like say happy things about themselves!!!


Well, to be honest with just last night we had a fight!!, it was a good conversation afterwards thought....the problem is that I feel like I am the only want in our relationship wanting to have this closeness...this intimacy.....for example, it hurts me when I email her words of love and desire and she either does not answer to me or she is very distance when answering me...it is like she doesn't get me that the only thing I am looking for is to feel wanted and instead of telling me that she does, she keeps making feel like she trys to deal with me rather than she also wants this level of intimacy....anyways, greenpearl it is not that pefect, I go from excitment and feeling happy to feeling blue and sad.....we've been dealing with this problem all our lives and i think last night conversation about why I need her to be warmer when communicating with me it is the right path for us to walk....I understand that she feels like i am never satisfied since i am always asking for more....so I promised her to back off and give her some space....to me is so difficult being the way i am and loving so much my wife and not feeling that she gets me....some times it only need her to let me know that she finds me attractive or something....everything we have in bed, i have asked for it, she have never give anything or ask for anything....makes me feel like she does not think about it - which hurts .....everytime in our lives that we have introduced something new in our love making has been a fight and a drama until she decides to give in...and afterwards, another fight to ask her to do it like she wants to do it....it is terrible sad when you feel like your partner doesn't really want that....or that new thing doesn't do anything for her.....after a while, she understood that that actitud of her was killing our relationship...but still today i go from feeling happy one day to feeling sad the next...so today it is a so so day.....


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly

It is always difficult for one to want something, and the other one doesn't even think about it, then you have to convince her to do it. Like you said, she finally gives in to your needs, but is she happy about it? We don't know. I see a lot of marriages are struggling in this area. The good thing about your relationship is, your wife at least tries to compromise. I see a lot of women or men don't compromise. That can make one person feels even more bitter. 

It is always easy for one to say " let's try this!", and the other says"OK, will it be fun?", I am very accommodating to my husband's sexual needs. He never needs to try very hard. 

He has to try hard to convince me what he is going to buy makes sense.  

Please try to understand her, and please don't push her too much. No one likes to be pushed into doing things. She loves you a lot for letting you try anal. It took me seven days at least to feel normal. My husband felt very bad, he will not try again. He didn't like the way I screamed, it didn't arouse him. Anyway, he knows that I love him a lot because I tried to satisfy his curiosity, but he loves me a lot he won't let me go through the pain again. Anal sex can also cause hemorrhoid. It is not good. 

My days are usually peaceful now since I don't let small things bother me any more. But yesterday I was restless because my computer was down. My world becomes so small suddenly without Internet. Nobody's life is perfect!


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## Dave321 (Aug 4, 2010)

Well for me i'm only concern with how i'm going to satisfie the women l'm with for the next 1000yrs.And the <sex mean love> well that is a small part of a dynamic relationship.Sex is only about 10% marriage and out of that 10% you do some of the something in the 90% part.So it get about 2-5%.But that small % can put your big old butt out in the street.I can ask her all day long or anybody for that matter,if they don't want to tell you,then its hard road.People need to be a lot nicer to them self and other . We all are trying to get to the same place.When you are in the arm of your women or man the outside world doesn't matter for that time.It give us time to recharge so we can face it all over again.:lol: I will say that i don't understand while i do understand , and i am having fun finding out what i don't know and what i do know:lol:Love me for i love you,lets stand side by side and come together and face what life brings us.Its hard :lol: I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH OUT THEM.People search for that warm spot in your heart and other.We or should i say she has had 6 count them 6 thats six kids,i was just the other half.Well maybe 7 if you count me,got milk:lol:It wasn't alway smooth.Learn.


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## aljer2009 (Feb 13, 2013)

I love my wife. But of late see has become a stranger to me. She seems not to cherish my presence. And would try to avoid me at all costs. What is the reason for this behaviour?


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

aljer2009 said:


> I love my wife. But of late see has become a stranger to me. She seems not to cherish my presence. And would try to avoid me at all costs. What is the reason for this behaviour?


Usually, I will say something like "Women could get bored with their husbands too.. Not just husbands get bored with their wives..so please try to gently communicate your feelings to her and ask her why she has become a stranger to you..and try to find out what's inside her heart..so that you two could find solutions to your intimacy problem.."

However, the fact is that she is doing her best to avoid you. So, you cannot communicate with her. Big Problem.

This requires direct approach, I think. You love her, that's good. But if she dislikes your presence and avoid you at all costs, it means she does not love you. Sorry to be blunt.

Why would you remain married to a person who dislikes you, does not love you and always try to avoid you?

Better let her go, and you go find other woman who likes you, love you, and always wish to be close to you!


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Mom6547 said:


> It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.


:iagree:

But even when I ask I sometimes struggle to understand the answer.

See:
5 Deadly Terms Used by a Woman


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

No post back button posted , wanted to clarify.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

Mom6547 said:


> It doesn't matter what "women's" needs are. It matters what YOUR WIFE'S needs are. If my husband thought all the things you think about "women" applied to me, I would be in big trouble! Want to know what she needs? Ask HER.


 after 50 years she still tells me nothing,and belittles me for not seeing/understanding/or not getting it (so many things)???


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

misspuppy said:


> the point is, sex is just the icing on the cake, its the bonus of being married.


Can't agree. Just can't. I can have a cake without icing, and it can be still good, and filling, just not as sweet.

I cannot have a marriage with quarterly sex. My wife tries to show me in other ways that she loves me, but it is hard to see over the resentment caused by living the nightmare of a sexless marriage.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Rakkasan said:


> Can't agree. Just can't. I can have a cake without icing, and it can be still good, and filling, just not as sweet.
> 
> I cannot have a marriage with quarterly sex. My wife tries to show me in other ways that she loves me, but it is hard to see over the resentment caused by living the nightmare of a sexless marriage.


I totally agree. For me the sex is more like the sugar in the cake batter. Without it, the cake is edible but not enjoyable.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

marcopoly69 said:


> The problem is when the wife doesn't like to communicate too much in that area...the other day I asked her, as I was giving her oral sex, what you like most up or down and she replied just keep at it....not mayor feedback so I was all over the place doing the alphabet LOL....I am still trying to reach a level of super pleasure in everything we experience together, I like to feel like this as I feel alive and wonderful - my wife seems to be getting into more and more but still kills me that fact that she gives me so little feedback......


Her feedback, during oral, may be in her body language and her breathing. Pay attention to those things and figure out what she likes/dislikes using those. It won't take long to figure it out.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

marcopoly69 said:


> Well, to be honest with just last night we had a fight!!, it was a good conversation afterwards thought....the problem is that I feel like I am the only want in our relationship wanting to have this closeness...this intimacy.....for example, it hurts me when I email her words of love and desire and she either does not answer to me or she is very distance when answering me...it is like she doesn't get me that the only thing I am looking for is to feel wanted and instead of telling me that she does, she keeps making feel like she trys to deal with me rather than she also wants this level of intimacy....anyways, greenpearl it is not that pefect, I go from excitment and feeling happy to feeling blue and sad.....we've been dealing with this problem all our lives and i think last night conversation about why I need her to be warmer when communicating with me it is the right path for us to walk....I understand that she feels like i am never satisfied since i am always asking for more....so I promised her to back off and give her some space....to me is so difficult being the way i am and loving so much my wife and not feeling that she gets me....some times it only need her to let me know that she finds me attractive or something....everything we have in bed, i have asked for it, she have never give anything or ask for anything....makes me feel like she does not think about it - which hurts .....everytime in our lives that we have introduced something new in our love making has been a fight and a drama until she decides to give in...and afterwards, another fight to ask her to do it like she wants to do it....it is terrible sad when you feel like your partner doesn't really want that....or that new thing doesn't do anything for her.....after a while, she understood that that actitud of her was killing our relationship...but still today i go from feeling happy one day to feeling sad the next...so today it is a so so day.....


It sounds like the book about the Love Languages would be useful for you two. Once you understand about each others needs, then you will each be able to accommodate each other better. 

If there is a lack outside of the bedroom, it will show up in the bedroom. Once the needs outside of the bedroom are all being met, per each one of your love language style, things should improve in other areas of your lives as well.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts: Gary D Chapman: 9780802473158: Amazon.com: Books


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## DanaLeigh (Apr 30, 2017)

themrs said:


> I think science is often taken out of the debate. I understand a man's fundamental need for sex in order to feel loved, however what about the nature of sex itself?
> 
> What I mean is, I'm currently pregnant. I am not in the mood for sex at all. I wouldn't turn my husband down, but I'm not interested. Is it because I want to control him or because I have a low libido? Actually when I'm not pregnant I have a very high sex drive. But I think that my body says to my brain that I don't need sex because I'm already pregnant. My husband never gets the feeling of "I've knocked up a woman so I don't need to have sex." His body never tells him that so he continues to want it. I on the other hand, don't need to have sex because I'm already pregnant kwim?
> 
> ...


How can sexuality be forced due to this natural and very healthy feeling? And with your husband, this should never present an issue. Sexuality and intimacy is combined with sexual physical love making, exchanging of the minds and the souls. It provides enough depth to why you became husband and wife in the first place. Regular sexuality is a definite factor of true and complete health.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Zombie thread. 

Closing.


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