# My step Daughter is smoking in the house



## dwinchester

I have pointed it out to my wife and she continues to ignore that anything is going on. We can be sitting on the couch and all of a sudden I start to smell cigarette smoke. No one else in the house smokes. When I point it out to my wife it usually causes an argument and she doesn't do any investigating to find out if what I am saying is true. I have gone in her room when she wasn't home and found ashes in her garbage can. A candle that was used as an ash tray. And cigarettes. I have taken pictures, send them to my wife. When she talks to her daughter about them her daughter says that it was a friends and not hers even though none of her friends have been over. Her room smells like cigarettes yet my wife says she doesn't smell anything. 

The more I bring it up the more frustrated I become. She never wants to discipline her daughter because she is so afraid her daughter will not come and visit when she graduates high school. She is afraid of that because she does not go visit her mother for the way she was raised. My wife and her daughter were raised in completely different manners. You cannot compare the two, but she doesn't want to do the hard work to ensure her daughter is successful in life. 

Her daughter is very smart and has a promising future. But its starting to slip away from her and I see it. But the second I bring it up to my wife, we get into arguments. I do not discipline my step daughter. I let my wife do that. That only means that she doesn't get discipline. I have tried in the past and it didn't turn out well for me so I just stopped. It isn't worth it for me. However I cannot let it bring down my family which is what it is doing. 

If you have advice I would love to hear it. I have done everything I know to do. 

Thanks 
DW


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## 6301

Yeah. Was it your house and they moved in with you? If it is then your house your rules period. Not bad enough that your wife disrespects you but when her kid does it and gets away with it then you got a problem. Let her know that if she breaks the rules one more time then she can go live with her dad. 

If your wife gets pissed then let her know that you won't be disrespected in your own home for her or anyone else. Rules are rules and the kid better learn now or she's going to be in for a real big surprise when she hits the work force.


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## dwinchester

6301 said:


> Yeah. Was it your house and they moved in with you? If it is then your house your rules period. Not bad enough that your wife disrespects you but when her kid does it and gets away with it then you got a problem. Let her know that if she breaks the rules one more time then she can go live with her dad.
> 
> If your wife gets pissed then let her know that you won't be disrespected in your own home for her or anyone else. Rules are rules and the kid better learn now or she's going to be in for a real big surprise when she hits the work force.



We bought the house after we married, but that doesn't allow the child to disrespect us in our house. I have told her this, but she won't do the work necessary to find out the truth. I already know the truth. I lived in a house of smokers a long time ago and can pin point when someone uses a ton of perfume to hide the smell.


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## batsociety

Is the problem that she smokes or that she does it in the house? If the latter, she's only doing it because she's trying to hide it. Tell her it's not working and to go outside. That sh*t stains the walls like crazy. 

Not sure what to say about your wife, though. As her anxiety about discipline is a result of her own upbringing etc, maybe IC would be beneficial.


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## frusdil

Nope, not on. Tell her if she's going to smoke she needs to go outside. Tell her that from now on any cigarettes you find in the house will be thrown away. Including in her bedroom.


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## EleGirl

frusdil said:


> Nope, not on. Tell her if she's going to smoke she needs to go outside. Tell her that from now on any cigarettes you find in the house will be thrown away. Including in her bedroom.


:iagree: Because of the way your wife is, do not get involved in telling your SD to stop smoking. Instead enforce the rule that there will be no smoking in your house. 

If your wife fights you on this, stand up to her. Second hand smoke it very bad. I know this from experience. This is a health issue... your health issue. No one can tell you that you have to breath someone else's second hand smoke.


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## Jasel

I'm sure your wife knows the truth, just like I'm sure you know she knows. She just chooses not to do anything about it.


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## JustTired

The next time you smell smoke in the house, make a bee-line to your step daughter's room & tell her to take that $hit outside.


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## Sammiee

You need to get right in her face and scream at her so she knows you're serious. Don't accept any disrespect. Tell her she's gone if she continues to disobey, and mean it.

You're getting pushed around by two women. Time to step up.


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## NextTimeAround

My father didn't like smoking. I remember he made hi sisters sit in the garage and smoke at a party at their house.

He put his 80 something MIL in an assisted living home him due to her smoking.

I've been a smoker a couple of times in my life and I never smoked in their house. I did smoke on the back porch. And I would walk around the house once and go in the front door...... the better to minimise the smoke following me.

How old is the stepdaughter? My husband's exSIL put her 18yo son out of the house for smoking weed. So my MIL has taken him in. He smokes in her house. I don't know what she and her husband plan to do about it.


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## dwinchester

Thank you everyone for the advice. I know that I can't stop her from smoking, I just do not want it in my house.


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## turnera

Then don't allow it. Inform your wife AND your SD that you will no longer allow smoking in the house and every time you find it, you will STOP it. And then DO it. As soon as you smell it, go immediately to her room (if there's a lock on the door, remove it), calmly and quietly take the cigarettes from her hand and anywhere you see them, walk outside, and throw them in the trash can. Then go sit back down to whatever you were doing.


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## Hicks

Given a choice between letting her daugther walk all over her, and your concerns, your wife will choose letting her duaghter walk all over her. This is how divorced parents in 2nd marriages operate.


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