# Wife has walked out - i think its her mental health



## Megasonicdeadpool (7 mo ago)

My wife has recently walked out on me citing the reason as being paranoia that won't go away, that I have or will cheat on her. 

In the past whenever I have had a female colleague or a female friend texting me she has become jealous and accused me of sexting, flirting or just not wanting her around. This has been made worse by my toxic mother in law who feeds a narrative that all men are cheats, telling my wife signs to look out for and stories of men who had affairs in her own friends' lives.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle as the MIL has been there every step of the way when she walked out - helped her find a new place to live, helped her remove her things while I was overseas. Now I'm in a place where I am pleading to fix things but my wife is avoiding talking about the issue yet when I give her space will message me, asking how I am. 

How do I get her to talk about the real issue that is her mental health and the controlling behaviour of her mother?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Unfortunately, you probably can't. Once someone believes in a delusion (in this case, that you are the problem, not her or her mother), they will find whatever it is they believe exists, whether it is real or not. In this case, I think your only real choice is to tell her one time how you feel, then give her the space maybe see past the delusion. The problem is that it can take months or years to really see the situation clearly.

I wish I had a better answer for you, but delusions have tremendous momentum that is impossible for others to slow or outright stop.


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## Megasonicdeadpool (7 mo ago)

Thanks for this. It makes sense...

I have tried telling her and sadly I have gotten angry when she refused to listen or respond to me. I've realised though that the more I don't react to her, the more she starts to come back to me.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

If she has mental illness, then, why you want to stick around with an individual with mental illness? your best bet before you go mad yourself is to end the relationship. You can't win. It will be a godsent to you in the long run. It may sound very cold to you, but you need to understand that we are part of nature, and the first law of nature is survival of the fittest. so, you need to put yourself first (I, Me, Mine).

In the eventuality that mental illness is just an excuse from her, then, you need to realize that if she doesn't want to be be with you, then, summon up your pride and self respect and prepare yourself for divorce. Be proactive, no reactive. Do not wait until you're being taken to the cleaners by her and the system. Be prepared. Moreover, in the eventuality that you are thinking that you want to stay with her because you love her, let me tell you: what love got to do with anything in the equation, when she doesn't want you?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

When she calls to ask about coming back, tell her not to bother unless she’s prepared to cut her mother off.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I doubt it is mental illness but having a toxic mother who fills her head with lies. 
If she cut her mother off the marriage could work, but otherwise it never will.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Megasonicdeadpool said:


> My wife has recently walked out on me citing the reason as being paranoia that won't go away, that I have or will cheat on her.
> 
> In the past whenever I have had a female colleague or a female friend texting me she has become jealous and accused me of sexting, flirting or just not wanting her around. This has been made worse by my toxic mother in law who feeds a narrative that all men are cheats, telling my wife signs to look out for and stories of men who had affairs in her own friends' lives.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you can't. Focus on you. This may be for the best.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If I was with a paranoid person, I would be relieved they left. It puts a strain on everything. And she'll never know for sure, so she'll never stop wondering.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

It’s sounds like her mother is pushing a self-fulfilling prophecy on your wife. The mother’s marriage failed and she sadly wants the same for her daughter. Possibly the mother is afraid of ending up alone so she’s sabotaging her daughter? Whatever her reasons, they’re selfish and horrible and your wife will suffer for them. The mother sounds like an evil person. Regardless, your wife needs to be the one to push her away. That she touches base when you go dark could be a hopeful sign? Maybe next time you talk to her, tell her that you aren’t the bad guy your MIL says you are and you don’t have to constantly prove that, it’s exhausting. She needs to decide if she wants a happy marriage or to listen to her bitter mother and end up like her.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud marriage shouldn’t be this hard. Life is short. Let her go.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

How much texting with female friends and coworkers do you do? What are the texts about?

Have you ever done anything your wife could reasonably feel threatens your relationship with her? Have you been 100% faithful?

How old are you two, how long have you known each other, how long have you been together, and do you have any kids?


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Do you see other behaviors suggesting your wife has a mental illness? Has she been professionally diagnosed?


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Her mother couldn't influence her if she was really that into you. Nobody could. 

Take the hint and move on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

99% of the time a cheating spouse will accuse the betrayed spouse of infidelity. It’s classic.
I think there’s a reason your wife is so “paranoid”.

I agree that you should just let her go. Find a woman who’d work toward you and not away


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## RiannaIllach2312 (3 mo ago)

Most likely, your wife has serious problems with her self-esteem and psychological state. Seeing a psychologist and psychotherapist is the right thing to do in her case. Before the session, you can talk and try to listen to each other, express your grievances and find the cause of the problems in your relationship. When I had a problem with trust in my relationship with my husband, I went to a psychologist. The first advice he gave me was to get an Emotional Support Animal. Animals sometimes help a lot better than people. I didn't know what the difference between ESA and service dog was. In fact, the difference is enormous. Sometimes that kind of support is enough to deal with inner fears.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Megasonicdeadpool said:


> Thanks for this. It makes sense...
> 
> I have tried telling her and sadly I have gotten angry when she refused to listen or respond to me. I've realised though that the more I don't react to her, the more she starts to come back to me.


Thing is everything else aside, extreme insecurity and or paranoia can be things that require therapy. 

Only you know if you've given her any reason to worry. It's actually very common for people to be so insecure that they're always imagining the person is cheating and honestly it's probably best if they do get out because it's not easy to live with. Sometimes the people who accuse you of cheating are actually cheating themselves or feeling like they want to and assuming you feel the same way which you may or may not.

It sounds like since you're not on the same side of the pond that there are even bigger issues than this that are affecting her and affecting you both. 

If I were you I would just tell her that you hope she gets into therapy to see if she's got some problems that could be worked on but I would let her go. Insecurity usually goes all the way back to childhood and is very hard to change. 

And if she's paranoid in the true sense where she's starting to get paranoid about employers as well as personal relationships then that's definitely a sign she needs some psychological help. Paranoia doesn't often just manifest in one subject like that so I don't know if that's being exaggerated. 

I don't see the point in demonizing her mother. Everyone needs someone they can lean on for things like this. 

If you really want to see if she can get help and get her back then your best strategy would be being very civil with the mother-in-law and listening and telling her your truth.


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