# No room for Escorts!



## sharper1003 (Nov 3, 2016)

We've been married for 18 years. We have a seemingly normal marriage and like everyone else we've had ups and downs. Recently i am having an extremely hard time trusting him. I stumbled across a subscription to private escort sight. There are request for dates, messages, reviews... The detail are hard to read. Im mentioned in some of them, mostly about sneaking away and to be discrete when texting. Of coarse, he denies ever meeting anyone. And no I don't believe him. I have asked him several times just to come clean and try and work through it. Only to discover new secret emails with more messages about meetings. I discovered he's been making contact with escorts for at least a year and a half. And just to answer the question that I know is coming, yes we have sex all the time. I am completely exhausted. I just don't get it. Any insight into this matter would be great.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

He is broken, you can't fix him. You should move on.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

sharper1003 said:


> We've been married for 18 years. We have a seemingly normal marriage and like everyone else we've had ups and downs. Recently i am having an extremely hard time trusting him. I stumbled across a subscription to private escort sight. There are request for dates, messages, reviews... The detail are hard to read. Im mentioned in some of them, mostly about sneaking away and to be discrete when texting. Of coarse, he denies ever meeting anyone. And no I don't believe him. I have asked him several times just to come clean and try and work through it. Only to discover new secret emails with more messages about meetings. I discovered he's been making contact with escorts for at least a year and a half. And just to answer the question that I know is coming, yes we have sex all the time. I am completely exhausted. I just don't get it. Any insight into this matter would be great.


You are sure it's not some weird spam thing? I get some pretty crazy ones:

Jewish Singles
Christian Singles
Backpage Hook-ups (???? had to look this one up)
Russian Brides
Russian GF's
Shemale GF's.........

about a zillion dating sites
some really weird porn.....and so on. 

Just checking....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

From what you said, your husband is cheating on you and has no intent of stopping. What do you plan to do?

By continuing sex with him you are putting yourself at risk for getting STDs.

How old are you both? Do you have any children?


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## sharper1003 (Nov 3, 2016)

I am 36. We have two children, both teenagers. I wish it was spam but its a paid subscription and its not cheap. He doesn't deny looking or even sending messages. Just the actual act. STD's have been a huge concern for me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does he use a computer that you have easy access to?

Could you afford a PI?


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

sharper1003 said:


> I am 36. We have two children, both teenagers. I wish it was spam but its a paid subscription and its not cheap. He doesn't deny looking or even sending messages. Just the actual act. STD's have been a huge concern for me.


Totally understandable you would be concerned about STD's, he has cheated on you who knows what he has picked up from these escorts. Please go get yourself checked by a Dr. 
He has no respect for you, and makes it more obvious by playing the 'I was only looking' card- he must believe you are completely stupid. He has underestimated you very badly.
You are going to need a lot of MC and I'd suggest he get some counseling for himself as well. He needs to get to the bottom of WHY he feels he needs to look outside your marriage for there to be any hope of reconciliation, providing of course that is what you want ultimately. Give yourself some time to process, as you might find that you would feel happier on your own (i know I would)


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## sharper1003 (Nov 3, 2016)

I have had to do some password cracking on the computer. He keeps his phone glued to him. I could hire a PI but I'm a pretty good detective.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Getting a doctor to check you for STDs seems like a good idea.

Otherwise - while it is possible that he is paying for an escort site and not using their services, it seems pretty unlikely. He certainly can't claim that the assumption that he is cheating is a natural one given the evidence.

So, assume he has been hiring escorts for sex. Now you have to choose what you want do to about it. Most people would divorce, but it truly is your choice. 



sharper1003 said:


> I am 36. We have two children, both teenagers. I wish it was spam but its a paid subscription and its not cheap. He doesn't deny looking or even sending messages. Just the actual act. STD's have been a huge concern for me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Nobody shells out good money for no reason.


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## sharper1003 (Nov 3, 2016)

Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


I have been around the world. Living in some of the worst places you could even imagine....places where people are bought and sold....literally. The one universal truth about the johns. They do it because they can....because it's there. 

Don't look for some deeper truth. We are all, everyone, broken in some way. Some just more than others.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


There are many reasons why a person would have an affair. I've read that a lot of men who use escorts and prostitutes just do it because they want a change, novelty, and just for more sex.


From what you are saying, he just keeps doing it even though you know what he's doing. But he denies it. So it sounds like he has no intent on being honest with you or of stopping. 

So what do you plan to do? Are you going to stay married to a man who is doing this?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP you probably will never get the entire truth, he's going to admit to as little as possible...until another lie comes to your attention and then he will admit just a bit more, it's all an attempt just to shut you up and get off his back so he can continue playing with his whoes. 

Get tested for STD's immediately. If you are interested in saving the marriage insist on counseling and full transparency in every aspect, phones and computers specifically. If you are ready to divorce make copies of any of the illicit messages you can find, get printed bank or credit card statements showing money spent on escort services. Go thru bank and credit card statements and look for any large cash withdraws that can't be accounted for, that could be money he is spending on escorts. 

I hate to say this but all the sex you are having is him probably fantasizing about someone else, he's not having sex with you, he having sex with the tramp he's been messaging/meeting with. She gets him horny and you become the vessel for his lust, I know that sounds harsh but probably what's happening. 

Many states don't care if one spouse cheats on the other, but some do, find out the law of your state. If nothing else all the information you gather gives you some leverage during the divorce.


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## sharper1003 (Nov 3, 2016)

I live in Oklahoma and I have the option of filing no fault but won't. I will file under adultery. I have been gathering and collecting for a while now. I have given him the opportunity to come clean with no judgement. Even with evidence in hand i don't get the truth. He says he will go to MC and the we (his family) are the only thing that matter. When the crap is coming out of his mouth I just want to kick him in the throat. I asked him to stay off those websites for 30 days, he made it 4. He has a meeting scheduled for today. I'm hoping I can catch him in the act. Ive got a lawyers name and number and a therapist. Only thing is which do I choose?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Sharper,

If he claims he has never met any of these women ( and I do not believe that unless he could not work it out), he is a prime candidate for a polygraph test, which i would bet my ass he refuses to even consider.

You have three choices

(1) continue to play CIA operative for a long long time
(2) file for divorce and see if that knocks some sense into him once there are real consequences
(3) go to a sex therapist

Only you can make that decision but if I were you until you get the truth I'd be using protection OR tell him there is no more sex until he takes a polygraph because your health is more important to you than his orgasms, or yours


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Keep collecting your evidence. You'll likely never get the whole truth from him, unsolicited. From what I understand, betrayed spouses will only receive the truth based on what you already know. If he thinks you don't know it, then he won't tell you. It could be an addiction for him. 

Why do you need to choose between the 2? You file for divorce then go to a therapist to help yourself heal from the anger. If it's a matter of money, see the lawyer first.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


In the event that sex within the marriage has become a source of shame and anxiety instead of something that is enjoyable and playful it can cause strange behaviors.

In long term relationships it gets hard to "just be yourself" because you do not want to risk loosing the person you care about the most. Meanwhile people in these situations will be completely open with strangers, because they could care less if this person judges them in a harsh way, as they can just move on to the next person, so on and so on. 

Your husband is likely dealing with a great deal of shame, this in turn fuels his problems. You are likely past the point of no return in that his behavior has pushed the boundaries beyond the point of repair, which again only adds fuel to his fire.

I once briefly had an emotional affair with another woman, but because I am completely open with my wife about everything, I could easily see the harm that was causing to my marriage and I stopped it. But always being open was not easy as I have to let go of my shame and just feel, "this is me, I'm not always perfect, but I know my wife loves me just the way I am like no one else ever will!" 

Sincerely,
Badsanta


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

sharper1003 said:


> I live in Oklahoma and I have the option of filing no fault but won't. I will file under adultery. I have been gathering and collecting for a while now. I have given him the opportunity to come clean with no judgement. Even with evidence in hand i don't get the truth. He says he will go to MC and the we (his family) are the only thing that matter. When the crap is coming out of his mouth I just want to kick him in the throat. I asked him to stay off those websites for 30 days, he made it 4. He has a meeting scheduled for today. I'm hoping I can catch him in the act. Ive got a lawyers name and number and a therapist. Only thing is which do I choose?


Holy crap, after all this he still has a meeting arranged with an escort? I would suggest packing a bag for him and if he meets up with the escort walk up to them and hand him the bag, say good bye an immediately file for divorce. He's making the choice for you, there's noting left to consider.


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## FBOW (Oct 31, 2016)

OP, something similar happened to my sister. She discovered that her husband had been cheating on her with multiple people found through adult friend finder, and the like. He had secret email accounts (which she hacked like you did) and credit cards she didn't know about that he took out IN HER NAME. He deleted all of the emails in his secret email inboxes, but failed to delete his "sent" items. To this day there are printouts of emails exchanges and naked photos of him that he took and sent to other women in my safe, locked up just in case they are needed (more on that in a second).

The affairs were largely just physical, and went back years.

This happened about 10 years ago. They are *still freaking married*. And that was a mistake on my sister's part, a huge mistake. She stayed for the kids, and because she liked her lifestyle. The kids are now 18 and 20, and know that something happened about 10 years ago without being told (my niece has correctly guessed infidelity, but my sister didn't confirm). They both dislike their father strongly because he's not invested in the family (how could he be juggling all those other women?), has been deceitful in other ways, and he's just generally a nasty person. 

My sister did all of the sleuthing herself. All of that knowledge nearly killed her. Please, I beg of you, you have a taste of how bad it is. Now, let a PI trail him and get photo evidence of the meet-ups with escorts. My sister lost about 25% of her hair from the stress, and it's never grown back. She gained weight, got depressed and ended up with sky-high blood pressure. I advised her years ago that, if she chose to stay, she was going to have to make peace with what he'd done and not hold it over his head. Of course, she hasn't been able to do that (who could, really?). This has eaten away at her confidence, her health and her soul. 

Ten years later, their financial situation is such that it would be very difficult to divorce at this time (or just very hard, and she doesn't want to work hard at nearly 50). They absolutely despise each other, and use the kids as shields from one another. Once the youngest goes to college next year and the oldest leaves the nest in a year or two, I am honestly scared of what will happen. I think he'll leave her, and that will devastate her because SHE didn't make the decision. We've found indications he resumed his behavior over the years, but of course now he's just better at hiding it. 

He eventually sweet-talked her into deleting all of his illicit emails that she had saved (which is precisely why I had her send ME hard copies for safe keeping). He is very vindictive, and though he hasn't been violent I wonder if it's in the cards once they begin to divorce, because we all know that's coming. I keep the emails in case something happens to her.

This is my experience of what happened to a wife with a serial cheating husband. I beg you, make a better life for yourself than what I described above.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

sharper1003 said:


> Any insight into this matter would be great.


Urgh.... he's DISGUSTING and the fact you haven't filed immediately shows a huge flaw in YOUR character.

Find your self respect and divorce yourself from a vile serial cheater who loves hookers more than he loves you.

Oh and get a FULL workup of STD tests immediately. Odds are pretty good he didn't use condoms.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


Do you always eat at the same restaurant?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Get an STD test today, and then another in 6 months as some infections lie dormant for a while. If you are embarrassed to go to your doctor (do not be), you can always go to Planned Parenthood or a free clinic in your area.

A PI to follow him on his next "appointment" may get you a ton of evidence, which if you live in at-fault state may be helpful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Sharper,

You wrote that you have sex all the time with your H, it reminds me of my brother in law he went to W****houses with his Ws money and at the same time was bragging to me how he got oral from his W anytime he wanted. It's not that you aren't doing what you are supposed to do it's that he's addicted to this behavior.

Go quiet and seem dumb for awhile so you can get the goods on him, 

Btw my sister in law has pre-cancerous issues in her throat likely from something my BIL passed onto her from the high risk sex he was having. HPV is causing many oral cancers these days so please protect your health.

HPV / Oral Cancer Facts - The Oral Cancer Foundation

Tamat


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Even if he uses condoms a virus is small enough to get through the material.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Nobody shells out good money for no reason.


Many gym memberships would indicate otherwise.


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## Lisaloo (Nov 4, 2017)

Perhaps I'm very honest here but I had been one in the past, sorry to hear of your situation, it is choice they desire, they crave something different to come home to maintain the relationship at home.....that's men, I'm not proud of what I was pushed into by my guy either but that's the truth, and another thing. The girls are very careful about STDs they are trained to be careful unless theyre the higher rate girls if theyre street then they are conditioned too look after that situation also. Its not the girls who are using protection for work, its the drunk normal people who are carefree and hope it doesn't happen in dauly life everyone needs to be concerned about, including older divorcees, who are transferring an epidemic of a few things these days.....noone is safe but if your in the industry they are conditioned to use protection always obviously, unless the men require to not use a condom! Which they do!! All the girl arte after is making their money, hes being very naïve if he thinks they like him, if its different ones then its just the desire and choice, and the fact they are taking his cash that's the truth. If its one woman which is possible too then that's a paid affair id consider that just the same as not paying. either way id find it hard to deal with but ive had my fair share of problems continually finding guys who I want a relationship with but can never do it as none want commitment.....this is the life now, I'm nearly 50 in a few years and I had no kids no marriage and was always wanting to please and make my partner/s happy when being in long relationships...hasn't happened yet I'm quite normal just like the girls who are probably saving for something or just like the higher life.........


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> Even if he uses condoms a virus is small enough to get through the material.


That's not how it works.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lisaloo said:


> Perhaps I'm very honest here but I had been one in the past, sorry to hear of your situation, it is choice they desire, they crave something different to come home to maintain the relationship at home.....that's men, I'm not proud of what I was pushed into by my guy either but that's the truth, and another thing. The girls are very careful about STDs they are trained to be careful unless theyre the higher rate girls if theyre street then they are conditioned too look after that situation also. Its not the girls who are using protection for work, its the drunk normal people who are carefree and hope it doesn't happen in dauly life everyone needs to be concerned about, including older divorcees, who are transferring an epidemic of a few things these days.....noone is safe but if your in the industry they are conditioned to use protection always obviously, unless the men require to not use a condom! Which they do!! All the girl arte after is making their money, hes being very naïve if he thinks they like him, if its different ones then its just the desire and choice, and the fact they are taking his cash that's the truth. If its one woman which is possible too then that's a paid affair id consider that just the same as not paying. either way id find it hard to deal with but ive had my fair share of problems continually finding guys who I want a relationship with but can never do it as none want commitment.....this is the life now, I'm nearly 50 in a few years and I had no kids no marriage and was always wanting to please and make my partner/s happy when being in long relationships...hasn't happened yet I'm quite normal just like the girls who are probably saving for something or just like the higher life.........


Pigs buy women. Pathetic chumps. Hard to refer to them as men.

Women who let pigs buy their asses are not normal unless you think all women are wh0res.

Unfortunately, your outlook on life has more than likely colored your perceptions and you never had the ability to recognize or cultivate a healthy relationship with a real man.

Real men don't buy women. They don't have to.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


Hunger.
Insecurity.
Kudos from others.
The thrill.
Having poor boundaries, poor morals, no loyalty except to his man hood.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

toblerone said:


> That's not how it works.


Yup. Condoms help but nothing is 100% protection.

It would take something strange and probably designed to permeate a condom.

STD's are transmitted through bodily fluids. Stop the fluids, stop the transmission.

Anyone who has had sex knows that a lot of fluids get on your partner most of the time anyway.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


Well, I wouldn't go to an escort, but a lack of intimacy/affection/sex is putting me down that path.



ConanHub said:


> Yup. Condoms help but nothing is 100% protection.
> 
> It would take something strange and probably designed to permeate a condom.
> 
> ...


It's important to consider how each STD is transmitted. Things like HIV relies on fluid/mucous contact to spread. It's not like the virus is gonna hop out of the semen, go through the latex, and into the vagina. Even then: there isn't an STD that's small enough to fit through latex.

Though you still have to worry about viruses like HPV, and other things like crabs. HPV just needs skin to skin contact (which won't help as condoms only cover the penis and not the whole uglies rubbing against each other).


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

How is the sex? Have you talked about maybe fantasies or a fetish that either you wouldn't do or maybe something he is afraid to bring up? Have you guys talked about that?



sharper1003 said:


> Well mattmatt you're probably right. I would love to know what would cause a person to go down this path. What would drive you to want to see an escort or have an affair?


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## Loveless17 (Oct 16, 2017)

You need to get out now before he ends up going to jail. The area I live in has been cracking down on "escorts" and thousands of men from all walks of life are now serving time because they paid for sex. My husband was on two jury duty cases thus year and both were for men who had solicitated sex from websites. I guess Backpage.com was used in both of their cases. We had never heard of this website before but under cover cops are all over it listing ads as escorts to catch these guys. My husband learned from being on the jury that most of those who use escorts are married men, in their late 30's and 40's, with decent careers, and families. Escorts are paid in 30 minute time frames. It means she had sex with one guy every half hour and condoms are not always used. Think of what std you probably already have from him.
Men who do this are flawed and you do not stay if you have any respect for yourself.


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## Loveless17 (Oct 16, 2017)

Quote: "I hate to say this but all the sex you are having is him probably fantasizing about someone else, he's not having sex with you, he having sex with the tramp he's been messaging/meeting with. She gets him horny and you become the vessel for his lust, I know that sounds harsh but probably what's happening."

This is 100% true!!! He is absolutely picturing the escorts, not you, while he has sex with you. No doubt.


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