# What to do when there is no Trust/Emotional Connection?



## BuddytheClown (Sep 23, 2017)

My husband and I have been married 11 years, have 2 children together and own a business together. Every couple years or so in our marriage we have had a big shakeup, usually due to my husband being caught in lies or needing to find new work because he is a marginally functioning bi-polar person with past substance abuse problems. We are currently doing counseling and have discovered that our biggest problem is we no longer trust eachother and we are both so gaurded and hurt by past issues that we have no emotional connection. We have no teamwork, friendship or intimacy.

Thoughts of a seperation or divorce consume my mind. I feel as though I will never be able to "fix" my husbands issues and
that even if he changed for good it would take years to rebuild trust and friendship. My husband feels as though I am cold and unforgiving towards him and so he shuts me out as well.

I have stood by him because of our girls and he is a good father and loves them. Due to his diagnosis and events that happened to him during childhood he is a pretty selfish person who is incapable of a lot of empathy and compassion for anyone other than his children and his grandparents. I do not want to rip our family apart but I also want to be happy and content within a healthy relationship. I am also scared of how he would spiral if we did divorce and the financial and emotional mess he would put me through.

I would love feedback or to hear from someone who has gone through something like this. Thanks.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

My parents divorced because of my fathers cheating. He was a good father to me and I have a good relationship with both of them. Don't stay with a man who continues to cheat on you. Your kids will one day find out if they don't already and probably tell you you should have left. Would you have wanted your Mother to stay with a man who was an unrepentant cheater for you? Is this what you want to teach your children? They know and they will mirror it because they are watching an learning. One day they may end up staying with a cheater or even worse becoming one themselves because they saw that there were no consequences for this action. At least do some research about kids with bipolar parents. 

Divorce today is not even like divorce when I was a kid, today being a child of divorce is really no stigma attached, this is pretty common for kids sadly. Many kids today don't have parents who were ever even married in the first place. My point is they won't stick out. I wholeheartedly believe kids need two involved parents, that doesn't necessarily mean those parents need to be married. 

What was your childhood like? If you do stay that I guess you have to accept that this will be your life. Sounds like a hard one.


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