# My husband wants to pick my clothes!



## JennyO (Nov 10, 2010)

My husband wants to go clothes shopping with me (again). I have tried this 4-5 times before and I always end up feeling horrible about myself and he wants me to wear things that I find uncomfortable. Many expensive shirts he has purchased for birthday, etc eventually go to goodwill. If I try to return something and his feelings get hurt. I have gained a few lbs since we married and he keeps pulling outfits, has me model and says it doesn't look good on my body and to take it off. He has opionions about my hair length and makeup and will absolutely tell me if something makes my butt look big (without my asking of course). In the past few years I have just gone shopping, brought home the top 3 or 4 items and let him choose from those, but now he is putting on the pressure to go with me. Does anyone else have a husband that does this? Who thinks this is weird besides myself?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I find that to be very controlling. If I want my boyfriend's opinion on my hair or clothes, or for him to go shopping with me, I will ask him. I would be very bothered if he insisted on offering his "opinions" without being asked. Especially given that the opinions being offered seem to very negative. I wonder if he's insecure about himself and feels the need to make you feel bad about yourself so he can feel better, or at least not alone in his insecurities? That, or the other thought that comes to mind is that abusers are often very controlling. How does he treat you other than this situation?


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## firsttimer25 (Oct 14, 2010)

Yes. My husband did this. He even suggested several plastic surgeries. I am a size 2 and quite fit... It didn't matter. He still told me if something made me look "frumpy" or "heavy". I got to the point that I felt so uncomfortable I wouldn't wear tight things.. Like he wanted. I just despised the whole process. But he's about to be my ex... So that's how that ended.. Hope it's not that bad for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JennyO (Nov 10, 2010)

My guy is a good husband, great to my kids, would give you the shirt off his back. His position is that he "wants to be able to tell me anything". He thinks I'm too sensetive. I think that HE believes that I am a reflection of him. His past marriage was all about how it looked on the outside and to this day when one of the family members talks about an old family friend the first offered statment or question is in reference to their weight or how they look.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

JennyO said:


> My guy is a good husband, great to my kids, would give you the shirt off his back. His position is that he "wants to be able to tell me anything". He thinks I'm too sensetive. I think that HE believes that I am a reflection of him. His past marriage was all about how it looked on the outside and to this day when one of the family members talks about an old family friend the first offered statment or question is in reference to their weight or how they look.


Work on you for you and disregard your husband. If you've gained a few pounds and feel like you can't add up it's killing your self confidence.

Do you want to lose some weight? Do you want to satisfy your husband? I don't think you are obligated to do either unless you want to and I would suggest if you do it to do it for yourself. No one needs to be in a relationship where the other is always putting them down and as a woman I know how important praise and admiration of our appearance is. We want to be attractive (or at least I do). I just feel that your husband is being counter productive and not considering your feelings.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband is like this, but I view this love, not controlling. 

He has to look at me all day long, I have to make myself presentable to him. I just think like this, I like to look at flowers, do I buy flowers I don't like to enjoy, or do I buy flowers I like to sit there and enjoy and don't want to leave. So I know how important it is for my husband to look at something he loves to look at. 

He likes women with long hair, so I try to keep my hair long. 

He doesn't think make up is necessary when I wear jeans, so I don't wear makeup. 

He thinks wearing high heels is not comfortable, so I have stopped wearing high heels for 7 years. 

We go clothes shopping together, I try on things, he doesn't like them, I won't buy them. If he likes them, then I will buy them. What I buy has to be something we both like. When he tells me that my butt look great on those jeans, it just makes me feel happy. 

I do my best to be a woman he likes to enjoy looking. 

He tries hard to be a man I like to stare. I am a visual woman!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

GreenPearl -- I can see how you view it differently from the poster, but you can't expect her to say "oh, well this chick on the internet says I should be okay with it, so oh well" LOL. She doesn't feel the same way about her husband doing it. 

My H and I love to shop together for clothes, but he also knows my limits. I don't want to wear something that I am going to worry about pieces of my body being exposed LOL. "clothing malfunctions" shall I say? I think that if you two could talk about how to communicate about it NICELY you would be less bothered by him wanting to tag along


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

DawnD said:


> GreenPearl -- I can see how you view it differently from the poster, but you can't expect her to say "oh, well this chick on the internet says I should be okay with it, so oh well" LOL. She doesn't feel the same way about her husband doing it.
> 
> My H and I love to shop together for clothes, but he also knows my limits. I don't want to wear something that I am going to worry about pieces of my body being exposed LOL. "clothing malfunctions" shall I say? I think that if you two could talk about how to communicate about it NICELY you would be less bothered by him wanting to tag along


DawnD,

No, I don't expect her to agree with me. Every one of us can have our own view about life. I am just expressing my view about this similar situation.


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## JennyO (Nov 10, 2010)

Greenpearl-
I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if he were'nt to critical of how I look and what I do. He has this high standard I can't live up to. I feel so much closer to him when he just loves me for who I am.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:wtf: Holy crap! If I had to deal with this kind of treatment I'd be pulling my fingernails and hair out! Whoa! This guy needs a swift kick in the butt to straighten out his attitude. 

Guess I'm lucky that my husband likes the way I dress and look. I could never put up with this! No WAY do I take my husband clothes shopping (not that he wants to go with me anyway). 

How about turning the tables on him and doing the same thing to him? IMO this is downright unacceptable behavior and disrespectful. Maybe women in a different country and culture would take this but in my part of the world it's an invitation for swift kick in the balls :slap:

My advice is to stop this if makes you feel this badly. Don't take him shopping, don't let him buy stuff for you and just tell him that it's YOUR body and if he doesn't like what you put on it, then it's HIS problem. 

I see a control freak here..sorry. That's my take.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

JennyO said:


> Greenpearl-
> I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if he were'nt to critical of how I look and what I do. He has this high standard I can't live up to. I feel so much closer to him when he just loves me for who I am.


Do the same thing to him. When he buys something, he has to wear things you like!!!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Did you gain lots of weigts?
I think he loves who you are but the "you" version in the past when you're less heavy. I guess. That's why now he tried to cover you "properly."
Was he this controlling when you just met? Or less controlling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

It's possible that he thought you like and happy with his advice.
So actually you can tell him "I'm more comfortable wearing this but thanks for your advice!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Perhaps you need to give him a talk like "Look, I'm glad you want to dress me, and thanks for the honesty..but the way you do things, makes you look like a ****, and does nothing for my feelings about myself."

maybe not quite that, but you get the idea.

I only say this because in reverse, I do tell my husband what to and what not to wear. Last night actually. We were going out to a college bar to see a band. Me, being the not girly girl that I am...Spent time finding a goot fitting not too revealing sexy outfit to wear, did my make up (rather well too I might add, I was proud of myself) actually put my hair up AND made it look good.. HE ended up denied twice. his first idea? really nice black ed hardy t-shirt with fancies all over it...and a brown tweed sports jacket with leather suede elbow pads. Next, he comes out with that t-shirt again, and a military style long john shirt under neath it thats sleeves are too short, and neck hangs out of the nice shirt.

So I asked him, "what in hell are you trying to do?" then I reminded him that yes, that looked stupid, and we're going out in "Public"

Now reverse the situation and make me the hubs and hubs the girl, and it might seem controlling, but from your hubs perspective, he might just think he's helping. Try getting him to go about it a different way, and if not, tell him to wait outside the store. I don't always dictate what hubs wears (I actually love that brown blazer on him) but I will give him a clue when he's trying to dress like an idiot, and usually not in the nicest of ways.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> my h and i were in jcpenney and this husband and wife were shopping and i saw the two small kids with them and yall know penneys their clothes are tastefull in the womens dept and he was like what about this or this i turned around and he was holding up a really nice of pants and a cute blouse not a mini size at all like he knew after the baby there will be baby weight and she screamed at him to leave her alone i thought what a B and just turned away took my h to forever 21 and molded for him and the skirt that made him look like ooh wait till we get home went home with me my h dosent love clothes shopping he is in love with me and it makes me happy and so he is happy side note he will go shoe shopping a be an active voice and give me suggestions and i trust him if that pair of F me heels lights his eyes up then back to the bedroom they will go whats wrong with looking great everyday and your h being hot for you everyday i guess i dont get it


Her problem isn't looking great every day, its her feeling as if she has no say in what she's supposed to wear when it comes to her husband shopping with her.

from what I read it seems more like he's playing dress up to please his family and personna than to be "hot" for her.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Hey, o.p., set the record straight with your H. Tell him he cannot shop with you EVER AGAIN if he cannot find ways to compromise on the clothes AND to do so without making negative comments. Seriously, what a jerk (meant "lovingly," b/c maybe he's just clueless as to what he's doing to your self-image). He needs a reality check as in, "Dude, you get one last chance. We find things I like and then you can have some input on your favorites. If you see something I haven't chosen, you can point it out but don't expect me to "model" it if I know it is something I would not be comfortable wearing. And, your comments need to be positive." Then give him examples of positive comments, "That color makes your complexion glow!" or "Wow, that outfit really does great things for you." Negative is never needed; you know he doesn't like something if he doesn't react positively (duh). But apparently he needs that to be crystal clear. And, if he can't keep to the agreement, he doesn't get to go with you. Oh, and return the expensive duds he buys you so you can use the $$ for something you WILL wear!


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