# Ladies - need info



## 68musicman (Aug 30, 2015)

Lurking on the forums for a while and need more information. See my question below (last sentence).

My story. I'm 48 and have been married for 21 years, most happily, but we've had our more than fair share of issues over the years. 

We have 3 kids, 2 of whom are in college, with one home (3 years until she enters college). 

For the first 10 years of marriage - we had an awesome sex life - but it was at the expense of her borderline personality disorder and being at the receiving end of her mood swings. She was never officially diagnosed - as she refused to seek any counseling, but based on my research and understanding of the disorder, she fit many of the criteria. The "I hate you - don't leave me" disorder.... I was walking on egg shells all the time. 

Things changed about 11 years ago when I had had it and was out the door. She agreed to see a doctor ... Which she did and she was put on a daily low dose of Prozac. No longer walking on egg shells after a month. 

The downside - killed her labido. From 2-4 times per week to once a week to now, once every 2 months (if I'm lucky). She won't even snuggle.

So - I've been reading on the forum about how women need to aroused to feel desire to have sex. 

On occasion, when somehow a risqué movie came on a premium channel - I did notice that she did respond. I would like to try this again, but actually deciding to put such a movie on for either of us is awkward. Plus - I was always of the thinking that desire first than arousal. Mind you- she doesn't like talking about this (I would and do).

So - my question - how do you feel about soft porn (or any porn for that matter) to arouse you? Does it work?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Years ago I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines and was put on zoloft. Killed my libido and pretty much all emotion. I hated it. It was the weirdest time in my life, actually, to not feel emotion.

I enjoy porn and have no issue with it. My BF and I watch it together and by ourselves.

And hell YES it turns me on. I prefer hard core over soft core, though, but start with soft when it comes to your W.

Good luck!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I really dislike the idea of sneaking her into being aroused. A healthy adult would have a conversation about it.

You: Describe what you've learned about responsive desire in women. Ask her if she feels that she has responsive desire too. If she agrees that she might, then you seek her agreement to be "open to being aroused" even if at the initiation stage she doesn't want sex.

This is the key that women must come to understand and accept. 

Sex doesn't have to be a battle ground of control. 

Are you open to being aroused? 

If you do not become aroused we can stop but if you become aroused and want sex we can continue.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

My wife is a typical good girl. She refuses to admit that she likes porn, but I know she does. I just simply turn it on when I know we are going to have sex.(sometimes) She acts like she is not looking, but I catch her 

The important part is to not feel awkward about it. You can be certain that if YOU feel awkward, she sure as hell will feel awkward too.

Whatever you do in the bedroom, OWN it!


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