# New Guy/ Need Guys Opinion



## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Not sure how it happened so quick since I just received my divorce but I have met someone that I have that twitter paited feeling about. 

One thing for sure is i don't want to make a mistake in the way our relationship plays out. We have both agreed as long as we are seeing each other we will not date others. I don't think that's a bad thing. I told him sex wasn't going to happen right away because I needed to have a connection before we jump into bed. Not that I don't want to jump his bones right now.lol

However, I am thinking about him a good percent of the time and we have seen each other almost everyday since we met last Friday. We have a lot in common, some times it even scary.

Hints on how to be cool without chasing him away but also letting him know I'm very interested in seeing where the relationship goes.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

What does he know about your D situation?


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

badcompany said:


> What does he know about your D situation?



He knows that I was separated and waiting on my divorce to be done with. Monday I was finally divorced. He knows that I had not talked with my ex since the first of July and that we had not been "together for 7months". I was married less than a year and before that single for 13 years. I have been upfront and honesty with him.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

If he seems like Mr Right to you

then take it slow, BUT do show him you are interested and find him attractive.......think teenage dating ......kissing, holding hands, petting etc

I say take it slow....be cautious...but have fun........don't want him to be Mr Rebound guy right

You also don't want to make the mistakes of past relationships....so THINK about what you want out of life

people show you who they are YOU have to LISTEN (or watch and NOTICE) 

Look at him for EXACTLY what he is NOW

Not the POTENTIAL of what you hope he will be......you cannot change someone or fix them (it is their responsibility) so if your key deal breakers and he has one of them ...doubtful that will ever change....be smart

good luck

don't smother him....absence makes the heart grow fonder

Give him a bit o time to actually MISS you...don't ALWAYS be there at his beck and call

Good useful read for you is 

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"....we have seen each other almost everyday since we met last Friday."


You may feel like this is a good sign, but it actually isn't.

Too much too soon is bad for new dating relationships. Slow and steady are best.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Please tread lightly. I have seen this in my family lead to control and abusive relationship when the guy feel like he has to be with you every day right from the start. He start off trying to isolate you by smother you.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

It takes time to get to know someone. Getting physical too early in the relationship will blind you to really getting to know him.

But how you handle the sex part of the relationship is really up to you. Whatever you feel comfortable with is probably best - because it is honest.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Thank you for the good replies. We decide that slow and steady is the way to go. 

We discussed that doing things with friends is healthy. He likes to fish with his buddies, I said go for it, hope you have fun.

I explained that most Tuesday nights is GNO. My girls night out is either getting together at a G/F house or she comes to my house and we have a couple of beers. If we really get wild we go to Target together!

I'm going to have to work on the sex thing. I am HD and have been without for a long time. I'm going to have to glue my hands to my side!


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Tomara said:


> We have a lot in common, some times it even scary.


This is the only part of your post that really popped out at me and as someone who has experience with this, let me caution you. Some people with very low self esteem and an intense need for validation will become a chameleon to attract and keep a new partner. It is the part where you say "sometimes it is even scary" that makes me think you even notice there are unnaturally too many commonalities. I have watched my chameleon in action. He will go so far as to change his diction around others. He will change his favorite foods, alcoholic drinks, and interests depending on who he is with in an attempt to be accepted. There is not much about him in public that is the real him. Just be careful.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Tomara said:


> However, I am thinking about him a good percent of the time and we have seen each other almost everyday since we met last Friday. We have a lot in common, some times it even scary.
> 
> Hints on how to be cool without chasing him away but also letting him know I'm very interested in seeing where the relationship goes.


Sometimes when we are attracted to someone we tend to project qualities we want to see in them to them. Then it appears that its a perfect match.
Especially if we are just out of a long term relationship

The " scary" feelings you have is actually your intuition telling you to look a little closer and examine before you leap.
You have been in a bad relationship before, and maybe your subconscious mind is raising red flags because our subconscious is able to pick up subtle things our conscious minds don't.

Also proximity, seeing each other every day is basically an emotional overload. 
He's shocking your system.
This is an aggressive player strategy some men use that works effectively on women who are in an emotionally compromised position.
Give things a little time.
In time everything will play itself out.
Time reveals everything.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Sometimes when we are attracted to someone we tend to project qualities we want to see in them to them. Then it appears that its a perfect match.
> Especially if we are just out of a long term relationship
> 
> The " scary" feelings you have is actually your intuition telling you to look a little closer and examine before you leap.
> ...


CB......you have given me a few things to roll around in this head of mine. 

SIW.... let me explain what I meant by scary. We both bought duplex's so we could take care of our aging parents. I asked him what his fav food was....exactly the same as mine and I didn't tell him what mine was. He rides a motorcyle which is something I have been into for a long time. 

I know that I need to be slow. Self esteem has been beaten up a bit so I don't want to do a settling thing. I did that with my last marriage. I know right know it's just a learning curve getting to know each other. I made my mind up that I'm not seeing him tonight (I have to mow the lawn)

Alot of good advice given.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Tomara said:


> Not sure how it happened so quick since I just received my divorce but I have met someone that I have that twitter paited feeling about.
> 
> One thing for sure is i don't want to make a mistake in the way our relationship plays out. We have both agreed as long as we are seeing each other we will not date others. I don't think that's a bad thing. I told him sex wasn't going to happen right away because I needed to have a connection before we jump into bed. Not that I don't want to jump his bones right now.lol
> 
> ...



Another one bites that dust.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "....we have seen each other almost everyday since we met last Friday."
> 
> 
> You may feel like this is a good sign, but it actually isn't.
> ...



Amen


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Well, you learned some things about yourself and what you want etc.

Give yourself time, REALLY think about what you want out of your life.

Find someone who enhances that.

Good luck


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tomara said:


> However, I am thinking about him a good percent of the time and we have seen each other almost everyday since* we met last Friday*





Faithful Wife said:


> "....we have seen each other almost everyday since we met last Friday."
> 
> 
> You may feel like this is a good sign, but it actually isn't.
> ...


Agreed.

Tomara, yu are not being "cool" right now. Or rather, it's just way too much too fast. Chillax a litte (hehe--referring to the dudes over at Life after Divorce's mantra). 

Friday was just days ago... five days. Not even an entire week. Barely a work week. Some periods last longer than that. You dig?

Slow down.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed.
> 
> Tomara, yu are not being "cool" right now. Or rather, it's just way too much too fast. Chillax a litte (hehe--referring to the dudes over at Life after Divorce's mantra).
> 
> ...


JB- I slowed down and now am not seeing anyone. I tried to slow down with Biker boy and he didn't much like my way of thing, said I was clingy (he's the one that told me we were a couple) So, I've been sitting outside on the front porch all by myself watching the world go by. Temp is starting to "cool" down now Jellybean


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Um Jelly

She said it is ALREADY over - point is now moot with this guy


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Eh ooodles of fish in the sea

Now to find one that is MENTALLY STABLE.......etc etc etc


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> Eh ooodles of fish in the sea
> 
> Now to find one that is MENTALLY STABLE.......etc etc etc



UU-
:rofl: MENTALLY STABLE.....I would have better luck choosing from a mental ward....least they get their meds on a regular bases. :rofl:


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