# Been a while since I have been here....



## spartan (Jun 8, 2010)

Hi All,

Sorry to see you all again under these circumstances-

My wife and I have been married for 12 years together and it has been magical and tragic at times to say the least. When we first got together, there were never MEGA fireworks that made either one of us feel as though we could never breath again if we didnt see each other again if you know what i mean. We both had previous long term relationships that ended up with the other person cheating and I guess you could say we were guarded in our approach. We dated for approximately 4 years, moved in together and got married shortly thereafter.

We felt really comfortable with each other to the point that we knew what the other person was thinking, their likes/dislikes and all the compatibility requirements generally though of as good in a LTR. We married in our mid to late twenties and here we are closing in on 40 and things have been on a steady decline for a couple of years. 

Our sex life is about average i would say, mostly me initiating it and averaging about 8 times a month. 

My wife has gained weight throughout the years and has gotten to a point where she is very depressed about it and quite frankly consumes her every day. She is constantly buying clothes to make herself feel better and she is finding less and less outfits to where she feels comfortable in. She is extremely beautiful btw (not just saying that as a husband, it is actually very true) I am very supportive of her and actually do every diet with her that she decides to try. (i am in good shape btw and do NOT look like a troll....)

We have gone through 2 emotional affairs, 1 from me and 1 from her. Mine lasted for approximately 3 months and hers is a different story- Hers has gone off and on for many years and since before we were actually married. I found out about a year ago the extent of the EA and confronted her with it and we were on the road to recovering from this with both of us on a level playing field. I threatened with a divorce back then but decided to make this work at the time. She has not spoken to this man since then (so I have been told and believe) however, she still does miss him and quite frankly still in love with as per our talks.

She has stated that she "wants to let me go". Let me go so that I do not want to feel any more hurt and that I can find someone that loves me as much as I love that person. My happiness is to be with my wife, however, I do know that I cannot continue to live like this anymore. I will not share my wife with anyone else even if its on an emotional level! I told her that I will file for a divorce as I see no other option- she does not know if she wants a divorce or not... 

What do you all think I should do? Follow through on the divorce? Stick it out? My friends say to follow my heart, however, I love her and my kids and our family more than I love myself. 

CONFUSED


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## Vienna11 (Feb 2, 2011)

It seems that if you two are still physically intimate, then the marriage still has potential. Is there a reason why your wife has trouble emotionally connecting with you? Any other issues that could be causing problems?


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