# Pastor telling me not to be offended at not being invited places



## crystalh12 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am so upset, I feel like my friend and pastor dislike me and want me to stay away from them because my friend said she needed space and was yelling at me for feeling excluded bc Im not invited places and thinking Im being rejected when that is supposedly not true. 
My pastor messaged me telling me I need to stop being offended when I don't get invited to things after he overheard me asking someone at church about a get together they had. And he said if I wanted to stay part of the group I need to stop asking people questions about their events that Im not invited to because it makes it look like Im upset that I wasn't invited. Ok I understand that but why is he making me out to be this horrible bad person and threatening to kick me out for simply asking what someone did when for clarification when I overhear them talking about a get together.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Seriously why do you care about these people who have no respect for you???
Join a new church, with a nicer pastor & nicer people who invite you to things. 

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Crystal, do you have any conditions that trouble you? Autistic Spectrum Disorder, perhaps?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

There are many reasons why people don't invite us to their occasions. 

Instead of getting upset over this kind of things, maybe it's better for us to improve our own situation and become somebody people eager to invite someday.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Crystal 

You keep posting the exact same type of threads. And we keep telling you the exact same advise. But then you post the exact same question in a new thread again. 

Not to be disrespectful, but if it's not advise you are wanting then I would start a blog.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, Crystal, nobody cares that you didn't get invited, you won't find anybody that cares because nobody, and I am saying this because you need to hear it, nobody else cares, not your church click, not your pastor, and not us here on a web forum.

Nobody cares

The only thing you can do is accept that nobody cares and move on to something people might actually care about. If this is the drab drama you wrap your life up in and get all bent out of shape about, it doesn't surprise anybody why you are left out of social events.

The easiest way for you to accept that nobody else cares is to stop caring yourself.

Free yourself of worrying about the people who don't care enough about your presence, move on...

There isn't a single person that is obliged to be your friend, not even Christians are obliged to befriend somebody that they find no benefit in.

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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

It hurts to not be invited. Look at yourself closely and ask yourself (honestly) is there something that turns people off? I am not meaning to be critical. If there is something you can improve on then work at it. If this is a flaw in their character then accept and move on. Don't get stuck here, it will not benefit you. If someone does not want to spend time with you it is something we have to accept. We can make no one love us or want to spend time with us. Look at who you are choosing for friends.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

foolscotton3 said:


> I don't mean to sound like a jerk, Crystal, nobody cares that you didn't get invited, you won't find anybody that cares because nobody, and I am saying this because you need to hear it, nobody else cares, not your church click, not your pastor, and not us here on a web forum.
> 
> Nobody cares
> 
> ...


Actually, I care. Because I hate to see someone who is hurting.

Crystal, I think you might need to look at counselling options.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Actually, I care. Because I hate to see someone who is hurting.
> 
> Crystal, I think you might need to look at counselling options.


I hate to see people hurting too, I also hate to see people hold others responsible for hurting them when they did no such thing.

You cannot shame people into being your friend.

Figure out why you believe you can, and start from there.

Crystal, what is your background.

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

foolscotton3 said:


> I hate to see people hurting too, I also hate to see people hold others responsible for hurting them when they did no such thing.
> 
> You cannot shame people into being your friend.
> 
> ...


Sad to say I have seen so called Christian groups target individuals for a number of reasons.

Wrong skin colour, a disability, jealousy, etc.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think these are legitimate concerns. I was not particularly popular but have a close family member who is. Here are the things I learned. 

1. Be upbeat and smile. 

2. Dress well and appropriately. (both men and women). 

3. Be a good listener and genuinely interested in people. Relate to every person in a different way. 

4. Don't try to be a leader without genuine consensus. 

5. Be a nice person. Don't gossip or assume the worst about someone because you heard someone say things. This person has succeeded dramatically in a company because he has largely ignored scuttlebutt about different people and successfully related to almost everyone in the company. 

6. Be calm and confident. Don't let mishaps rattle you. 

7. Stand up straight. 

8. Good personal hygience. If you sweat arrange to change your clothes. 

9. Be the organizer for great parties and activities. 

10. Be an optimist, look at the upside in life. 

11. Have friends you can trust and listen to their advice. 

12. Have the self-confidence to not be rattled by adversity.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Sad to say I have seen so called Christian groups target individuals for a number of reasons.
> 
> Wrong skin colour, a disability, jealousy, etc.


Because they (Christians) are people too. Not only are they human, but the typically share the same ideals and objections.

I can think of one very good reason not to include somebody into my social circle; because they openly blame and rebuke everybody else for not inviting them.

_ There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt._ - Henry Cloud

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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Find a new church. Churches are a dime a dozen. There's millions of them everywhere. They are like blouses. Try on several until you find one that fits ya.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

OMG why are people still responding to these ridiculous posts?? 

Crystal, for crying out loud, go talk to your school counselor and find a new forum, this is for marriage/relationships, not middle school 101.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> OMG why are people still responding to these ridiculous posts??


:lol:

I was thinking the same thing! I must admit though, I do check Crystal's threads just to see the latest updates. Her pastor seems very mean... Threatening to boot her from the church because she's asking questions?... _sigh..._

And why post these kinds of questions on a marriage forum?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I like these threads because I find some of the replies interesting.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Your pastor is telling you to back off, which is probably good advice. And ya know, he is probably telling the others to be nicer to Crystal. 

I bet if you back off verbally, and volunteer on a project....and find a way to get there that doesn't require them to take care of your needs... they will warm up. 

I think people like people who are cheerful and independent...vs. whiney and needy. 

Figure out your strengths and use them to help you shine, whether these people "get you" or not, YOU will feel better.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This is something I will never understand.. Sure it would hurt like a Mother.. but when someone rejects us ...why would we even want to bother them with our presence.. I , for one.. don't like rejection.. if people are too snooty to want me in their presence.. they can F*** off.. I think you would be wise to take this advice....

But in the meantime...for future relationships.. 

Please ask yourself...and this takes some reaching deep, *analyzing yourself*.. What am I doing that is causing others to NOT WANT ME AROUND ?? .. are you talking too much, are you paying attention to body language to know if these women are enjoying the conversations you've had? 

Do you complain a lot around others? I have this book on my shelf.. High-Maintenance Relationships: How to Handle Impossible People  (yeah I bought this for one of my relatives yrs ago..what can you do!)...

Now if you was to read over these difficult personality traits in a nut shell... where would you say you struggle the most.. listen.. we all have a little of some of these....if/when they get out of hand, it shows TOO MUCH..it's going to have people pushing away..we'd want to get away too!!...

So recognize what the issues are... and start working on them.. so you can bring your best foot forward... 





> Here is the chapters:
> 
> *The Critic* - constantly complains & give unwanted advice
> 
> ...


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I don't think people on that list recognize those qualities in themselves.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Here's the thing which some do not understand, she was invited to things, but she wants to be invited to EVERYTHING and that is an unreasonable expectation. IMO, this is why she keeps staring threads and changing names. Without a backstory, it is all "Christians should be accommodating, what a bunch of hypocrites" on and on and on. IIRC the pastor has tried to counsel her MANY TIMES, without any so called threats. Still, at the end of the day, he may have had to make a choice. Upset one parishioner or lose the entire group. If she is bullied yes, he should take her side. Still, if he has worked, cajoled, explained helped and did everything in his power to help, then there comes a point where you have to put up a boundary.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> :lol:
> 
> I was thinking the same thing! I must admit though, I do check Crystal's threads just to see the latest updates. Her pastor seems very mean... Threatening to boot her from the church because she's asking questions?... _sigh..._
> 
> ...


She should hook up with the other poster who starts ridiculous threads.....maybe they are the same person???


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

richie33 said:


> She should hook up with the other poster who starts ridiculous threads.....maybe they are the same person???


Like SMG15? And Nataly? They all eerily resemble each other...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

happy as a clam said:


> Like SMG15? And Nataly? They all eerily resemble each other...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There called "The Millennium" generation or "Millennials". 


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

But one claims to be in his late 30's.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

Have you had this problem in high school and grade school, basically your entire life? Where is your family?

You are expecting everyone to bend to your every want without regard to their wants or needs. e.g. you go to an event with no plans on how to get home, expecting others to change their plans to accommodate you. This is childish behavior and will end up with your being treated like a child.

Does this happen everywhere or is it only at this church? Odds are, this is happening everywhere and has been occurring your entire life. You need to get psychological help in dealing with your behavior and neediness.

IamSomebody


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

That list up top is missing one:

The Azzhole. Has the worst traits of all the traits combined.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crystalh12 (Apr 19, 2016)

IamSomebody said:


> Have you had this problem in high school and grade school, basically your entire life? Where is your family?
> 
> You are expecting everyone to bend to your every want without regard to their wants or needs. e.g. you go to an event with no plans on how to get home, expecting others to change their plans to accommodate you. This is childish behavior and will end up with your being treated like a child.
> 
> ...


I do not show up to an event with no plans on how to get home, I ask ahead of time. And this post is about me being offended at not being invited places and asking people about their events they did.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

This poster is all over the internet with the same questions, over and over again. Y'all are so much nicer than most other forums; he/she gets banned from most of them. Every. Time. (s)he starts up with a new ID.


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