# Sex when angry



## klarson27 (Apr 11, 2012)

My wife has always had a tendency to withhold sex when she's mad.. It's quite irritating and from what I understand unhealthy.

I think the most annoying part of it is that while in a fight she'll say something like "you're not getting any for awhile."

I forget where i read it, but I'm fairly certain i read that it's unhealthy to use sex in such a manor and that couples should actually engage in sex even when one or both are angry with eachother..

I think it'd be pretty hot if I was pissed at her and we had sex.. I'd be a little rougher I'm sure.

Do others have sex when one partner is pissed or is it common to be "withheld?"


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

I wouldn't use it as a threat in that manner- but no way I feel like having sex when I'm ticked off at my spouse.

We are having serious difficulties and I can't imagine that he still wants sex (and expects me to be okay with having sex) at this point. I don't want intimacy at this point.

BUT! I don't use it as a threat/use it as a tool to punish. (now having said that, my spouse would possibly disagree...)


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't think I'd want to have sex with my spouse if I was p1ssed at her, but I wouldn't deliberately withhold. If that makes sense. 

If you do try angry sex, I'd pass on any offered BJ's...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

klarson27 said:


> My wife has always had a tendency to withhold sex when she's mad.. It's quite irritating and from what I understand unhealthy.
> 
> I think the most annoying part of it is that while in a fight she'll say something like "you're not getting any for awhile."
> 
> ...


It's common to have it withheld, but not for the reason you say. Rather it's just an unwritten rule in most relationships, but it's because when two people are upset with one another, the emotions that usually are needed for sex aren't available (love, respect perhaps, etc.) I don't think sex should always be withheld, and could be a great way to get over anger actually, but it's not uncommon and has a valid reaosn behind it.

Your wife saying **** like "you're not getting any for awhile," is just manipulation and bullying though IMO. She knows its something you need and she's throwing it in your face when you have an disagreement, which is wrong. Marriage isn't about one-upping each other.

While I wouldn't follow through on the threat, it'd be interesting to she what her reaction would be if you replied to her 'no sex' comment by telling her you'll be opening your own bank account for your paycheque and she won't be seeing any of it for a while now either. 

When your wife is calm again (I assume you had a fight recently, prompting this thread) have a talk about it and make her understand her threat isn't correct and in fact is rather harmful to you, her and the marriage.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I can appreciate someone might not feel like having sex when in the middle of a disagreement however I don't believe it should ever be used as a way to gain leverage. To me it would be like saying 'I'm angry with you so neither of us are eating until you concede my point'. Both sides suffer and in the long term only leads to resentment not resolution.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I agree with the others here. If I am angry with my husband, I do not feel sexual toward him because I must feel vulnerable and open to him in order to want sex. 

We sometimes have political discussions, and if I know that sex is on the agenda later, I will stop him before I get irritated, and say, "Let's continue this some other time."

However, for your wife to say that you are not getting sex for awhile is wrong. She should not be describing sex as some sort of reward for being a good boy. You two need tohave an honest discussion about the role of sex in a loving marriage. It is to bond you together, not a tool for manipulation by either spouse.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> We sometimes have political discussions, and if I know that sex is on the agenda later, I will stop him before I get irritated, and say, "Let's continue this some other time."


Gotta love politicians. Talking about how we all get screwed by one can keep you from getting screwed later.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I don't want to have sex when I'm angry either, I'm with the wife on this one.
But using the threat of withholding sex or affection or an emotional connection is not on. To me it borders on abuse.

At the very least its a unkind/unloving act.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

She is waving that carrot in front of you. You need to remove that power from her.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

I guess I'm a little different on this. We usually don't have sex when we are angry but we have. There is something fun about rolling around on the bed wrestling while your naked. The sex is a little rougher on both our parts, but still fun. I guess you really have to trust your partner to have angry sex. Oh and we're usually not so angry after. And sex should not be used as a punishment!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> I think the most annoying part of it is that while in a fight she'll say something like "you're not getting any for awhile."


My ex said that to me once. I responded "how are you gonna cut me off if you don't know where I'm getting it?"

Well, that did not go over so well.

In the end it all worked out. I'll not stay in a relationship with anyone who thinks that is a "punishment" and that their hootchie is made of gold and that it has some power over me. It doesn't. Half the population has one too. Threaten me with that, and I'll find a woman who doesn't think that way (as in break up / divorce and move on time).


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Hopefull363 said:


> I guess I'm a little different on this. We usually don't have sex when we are angry but we have. There is something fun about rolling around on the bed wrestling while your naked. The sex is a little rougher on both our parts, but still fun. I guess you really have to trust your partner to have angry sex. Oh and we're usually not so angry after. And sex should not be used as a punishment!


There we go, now thats what I like. I'll take "still angry at you" sex over no sex anyday.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Hopefull363 said:


> I guess I'm a little different on this. We usually don't have sex when we are angry but we have. There is something fun about rolling around on the bed wrestling while your naked. The sex is a little rougher on both our parts, but still fun. I guess you really have to trust your partner to have angry sex. Oh and we're usually not so angry after. And sex should not be used as a punishment!


I'm with hope here. I've had angry sex with my man on quite a few occasions. Yes its rougher but as she stated, it kind of fun and exciting, not to mention afterwards your not so angry anymore... if at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

If you are having an argument with your wife and all she can respond with is 'thats it, you're not getting any for awhile' all it shows is a lack of intelligence....she can't come up with an intelligent response so resorts to saying 'no sex then'.

If my wife ever said that to me I would walk away smiling and thinking Yes!! 1-nil to me!


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## linwoodja (Aug 3, 2012)

I don't want intimacy at this point.


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