# my husband left me 4 months pregnant



## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

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on february 16th my husband walked out the door with an intention to work on marriage. after just 3 days he asked me for a divorce. he says its to late and our marriage cannot be fixed. i never saw any of this coming.

In november my husband came to me and said that he did not have feelings anymore, and that when he looked at our 1 yr old daughter he felt nothing. i was really concerned. he told me he thought he needed to leave and get his head together. i begged him to stay and he did. i was really concerned about what he said and automatically thought there was more to it, so i looked through his call logs and checked it out. after a little thought i figured he was depressed.

i noticed he had been talking to another girl all hours of the night while i was on vacation. i asked him to please stop talking to her and he said she was just a friend from work. i was not comfortable with him talking to her whether it was my hormones from pregnancy or not. that built alot of stress on my side and i would blow up on him at rear moments about him talking to her. 

in december things seemed to get a little better, our sex life was great and we were truly happy. when i went in for my firstt doctors appointment the doctor noticed i had 2 sacks and no heartbeats. so she brought me back a week later and there was only one sack and one heartbeat. the other baby had dissolved. this tore me up inside to think i couldnt carry a second baby. but i was still happy to have one survive. again the stress from all of this was really getting to me.

in mid january i did something i promised him i would never do again 5 yrs earlier. i used to be a cutter and once again i felt like i could not cope with this anymroe. i called my husband several times that day and could not get an answer. unfortunately i did start to cut for a moment. i was able to stop myself this time and it felt great to stop. it no longer helped me and i realized my family was more important than that stupid stunt i was pulling. i was not able to tell my husband.

one night he felt the band aid on my leg and asked. he was so mad at me and disappointed in me. well the next day he went to work and the person he confided in was the girl he had been talkin to on the phone. things just seemed to go down hill from there. we would argue about his conversations with this girl. it was blow up after blow up. then finally he said he had enough and we could not work this out. he has been gone now for 9 weeks and i am 6 months pregnant. about 5 weeks ago he told me he wanted to persue a relationship with this girl who i feel helped hurt our marriage. i am hurting so bad inside and out. they no longer talk as more than friends, due to me having a civil conversation with the girl. she thought our marriage was over(yeah i know she should have known better, im pregnant)already. any way she stopped contacting him on a regular basis but they still work together.

i want our marriage to work and believe it can work. i feel as though he has been carrying on an emotional relationship with this girl for months now and i am affraid she is going to take him for good. i am moving to my hometown in a couple weeks so i have support from my family during my pregnancy and with my daughter. he chooses to stay here in virgina with a poor paying job. our house is going to forclosure now adn there is nothing left here for him. after my son is born i was going to move to his hometown to go to college and persue a new career.

unfortunately i dotn think he is interested in going. he says he dont love me anymore because i cut again and put our unborn son in danger and that what we had can not be fixed. i want to spend the rest of my life with this man and i love him more than anything. i cant imagine a life without him and really need his suport during this pregnancy. what can i do to get him back? what can i do to fix this? please help me. i really want us to reconcile our marriage, do you think it is possible? does anyone have any idea what could have happened?


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well first things first is the no cutting thing. It sounds like a deal breaker and damn well should be. We are people tend to resort to "what we think will make us feel better" when the itsh hits the fan.

It almost sounds like something changed in your relationship which led him to confide in the OW. Before all that you need to remember what went on before that which would drive him to do that. 

I think first things you need to dig down deep and realize your childrens happiness trumps your own. Someone has to be the responsible one and show them love and teach them. If he isn't going to do it which you commented on earlier ; it will be you. And they don't need a mom who thinks about harming herself that sets a bad example. Then next work on yourself. Find what makes you happy not regarding him. Just the things in life and you need to work at partaking of those activities. You need to regain that love and happiness with yourself before you can even try to work on that big hurdle dealing with him.


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## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

Carefulthoughts said:


> Well first things first is the no cutting thing. It sounds like a deal breaker and damn well should be. We are people tend to resort to "what we think will make us feel better" when the itsh hits the fan.
> 
> It almost sounds like something changed in your relationship which led him to confide in the OW. Before all that you need to remember what went on before that which would drive him to do that.
> 
> I think first things you need to dig down deep and realize your childrens happiness trumps your own. Someone has to be the responsible one and show them love and teach them. If he isn't going to do it which you commented on earlier ; it will be you. And they don't need a mom who thinks about harming herself that sets a bad example. Then next work on yourself. Find what makes you happy not regarding him. Just the things in life and you need to work at partaking of those activities. You need to regain that love and happiness with yourself before you can even try to work on that big hurdle dealing with him.



the cutting thing was addressed years ago wheni went to counceling for it. it has always haunted me and i have always had the urge to do it again. i was good for 5 yrs. things jsut got to me and i lost all control of the urges. i did start to do it but i stopped because i realized it was not something that helped the way it used to. i realized i was a mommy now and i felt guilty from the second i put it to my leg. its not me justifying what i did, but if it did not happen i would not feel free from those urges now. i feel like it needed to happen one last time to make my urges go away. for the first timein 11 yrs i am free from those urges. and yes i have been working on myself. i started seeing a councelor soon after he left. she is helping me deal with the stress while im pregnant. i feel like she has saved my babys life. i am finally figuring out who i am and who i want to be and inall that i still see him there with me and my children. i love him so much and would do anything for him. i feel like i should have noticed a while ago that he was not happy and that when he came to me in november i should have asked him to get hlep instead of trying to fix him myself. i feel like he is a little depressed and it seems to be getting worse as the weeks go by. i miss him and i love him.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well dear it is his problem and no one can fix it but him. That is the same situation I am in. You can read my past posts were I have been hurt and angry and all that sort of rot. But I took some big looks in me and what happened. I do love her very much and would try to reconcile if she wanted to and would seek counseling for her problems. But other then me being willing all I can do is pray for her. And no I don't pray for her to come back. I pray that she is blessed and protected. Hopefully one day she will figure it out before its too late.


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## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

Carefulthoughts said:


> Well dear it is his problem and no one can fix it but him. That is the same situation I am in. You can read my past posts were I have been hurt and angry and all that sort of rot. But I took some big looks in me and what happened. I do love her very much and would try to reconcile if she wanted to and would seek counseling for her problems. But other then me being willing all I can do is pray for her. And no I don't pray for her to come back. I pray that she is blessed and protected. Hopefully one day she will figure it out before its too late.


i hope he can figure it out to before its to late. its sad most peole just walk away from marriage. i dont know if they think its all fun happiness and passion, but its not all the time. it also takes work and communication. my son will be here in 3 months. i hope that is enough time for him, and enough time for him to realize what hes doing. i know for sure i cant just welcome him back with open arms and a smile but i will always be able to forgive him and work on our marriage. this is my second pregnancy and this is the second pregnancy i have had to do all by myself. he got into trouble with military duing first pregnancy adn got court martialed and put in brigg for a few months. (that situation was not all his fault, he was the example). its sad to say but all i ever wanted was a family and i wanted to enjoy it all. unfortunately i havent gotten a chance to enjoy either pregnancy but iknwo my babies are blessings so i enjoy them.


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## sandyb5 (Apr 20, 2010)

Sweet heart I have so been there except my husband started an affair with my best friend of 13 years while I was four months pg. He ended the affair two months after my son was born and I am still struggling with it. I have days that all I can do is cry and he like your husband thinks once he said he was sorry it was all suppose to be forgotten. I wish I could tell you it will all be ok but that is really up to you and him. If you have a church family really lean on them for prayer and support. If anyone can heal a marriage it is God. As for how to deal with the affair I am still working on that one myself. Good luck.


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## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

sandyb5 said:


> Sweet heart I have so been there except my husband started an affair with my best friend of 13 years while I was four months pg. He ended the affair two months after my son was born and I am still struggling with it. I have days that all I can do is cry and he like your husband thinks once he said he was sorry it was all suppose to be forgotten. I wish I could tell you it will all be ok but that is really up to you and him. If you have a church family really lean on them for prayer and support. If anyone can heal a marriage it is God. As for how to deal with the affair I am still working on that one myself. Good luck.


thanks alot. did he ever tell you why he had to have the affair? see i dont get it. she is not in any way better looking than me and our sex life was great. she reminds me of how i used to be beforei grew up and had a family, and in some ways i still act. he hasnt had sex with her i believe him there. but emotionally cheating hurts so bad. it makes me feel like i am not good enough.


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