# Do women want to take care of their man?



## PBear

I know I'm dealing with generalities, but I'm curious on the ladies opinions.

My particular situation is that I've been seeing someone for about 6 months now, following my separation. We spend quite a bit of time at my place. Numerous times she's offered to do things like take my laundry home with her to do it and bring it back, and I regularly have to chastise her (gently and teasingly) for doing the dishes in the kitchen, folding my clothes, making my bed. Not that I'm a slob, and it's bothering her, I don't think, as I think I keep things pretty tidy. 

My feelings are that I don't want her to ever feel I want her around because she's a great maid. And to be honest, I'm reasonably proud of the progress I've made in keeping up on housekeeping. But... If she's offering because she has some strange female desire to take care of me, am I hurting her somehow by not letting her do these things? In the same way I'd be hurt if she, for example, didn't call me to change her tire or fix her lawnmower if she needed it?

The kinda weird part is that she has never been a stay at home parent or even a mom at all, for that matter. She's a very intelligent and classy professional lady. I guess I could see it more if she had a lifetime of taking care of other people, but she doesn't really. We're both in our early/mid 40's, and recently separated.

Your thoughts and opinions are eagerly awaited. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl

We like to feel that we are useful to the one we love. 

Yes, we like to take care of our men. 

I walk into his apartment, his apartment is messy, I want to make his apartment neat, I like it that he lets me clean up his apartment, I spend a few minutes cleaning up his apartment, I let him know I am a good housekeeper, he compliments me! I feel good! 

But all these have to come from her, you can't expect her to do it for you. And please don't make your room messy on purpose so she has an opportunity to give you a show. 

What you are doing is pretty good! I like men who are organized and neat.


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## PBear

Thanks, Greenpearl! And no, I definitely don't do anything deliberately! I've gotten in the habit of tidying up before heading out for work every morning, but maybe once a week or two I run into a time crunch and leave some dishes in the sink. And I never have more than a single laundry basket of clothes to do, so I don't fall behind on that either.

But speaking of a show... It would probably be wrong to buy a little French maid outfit for her? . Just kidding!!!!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie

my wife trys to act like my mother all the time, is that what you mean?


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## SimplyAmorous

Pbear , I think what you described is just 2 very responsible people who have found LOVE and genuinely WANT to do for the other -no other motives whatsoever. Just as you described you WANT her to call you when she gets a flat & needs a handyman. Let's face it, the reality is .... we THRIVE on being a little "needed' sometimes. Nothing you described sounds "overly" in any way. You sound like a very tidy & clean man, that just makes her love you more & want to help in any little way she can - as it doesn't sound like you need any help! 

I am a 40 something stay at Home Mom, it is not that I love to do all this mundane stuff, but I LOVE to have a smooth running life, ya know, there is enough chaos with just kids, why add to it with a disasterous house where my husband never has his clothes done & can't make it through the living room without some toy peircing his foot. It makes me feel good to "have a role" - have a responsiblity , to be Needed - in these womanly ways. 

I think it is GREAT that she wants to do these things for you, LET HER, it brings her joy. To stomp on that -would be like someone giving you a present , and you rejecting it. (well that would be worse I think). Just keep reminding her how wonderful she is, I am sure she eats that part up. True, you don't need the help, but I bet you are happy she is a "giving" woman. 

And Yeah, get the French Maid outfit too!


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## okeydokie

SA, you rock


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## PBear

Okeydokie, you raise a good point. But I sure don't feel mothered or smothered. I do feel more like SA describes (thanks for that!), and that would be loved and that someone cares enough to WANT to do something for me. Not because she thinks I can't on my own, but because she enjoys being appreciated just like we all do. 

Thanks for the input! . Now I wonder what her reaction will be if I accept next time she offers. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

I love taking care of my husband and family.


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## Jellybeans

PBear said:


> My feelings are that I don't want her to ever feel I want her around because she's a great maid.


Tell her this. 
Yes, women like to take care of their men and vice versa.
If you spend a significant amount of your time with her at your place, it seems logical she'd help you around the house.


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## okeydokie

PBear said:


> Okeydokie, you raise a good point. But I sure don't feel mothered or smothered. I do feel more like SA describes (thanks for that!), and that would be loved and that someone cares enough to WANT to do something for me. Not because she thinks I can't on my own, but because she enjoys being appreciated just like we all do.
> 
> Thanks for the input! . Now I wonder what her reaction will be if I accept next time she offers.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


the difference for you and me is that your significant other is still a lover to you. i dont have that luxury, i am my wifes 4th kid, at least thats what she thinks. i have learned that my wife is a service oriented person, she likes to do things for us, buy clothes for us, etc.. and she likes to be recognized for that stuff. unfortunately she doesnt see whats really important to me, doesnt get it at all despite repeatedly being made aware of it


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## SadSamIAm

My guess is that everyone is correct that she cares about you and she is showing you that by 'looking after you'.

My only comment would be, "What is her place like?" Maybe you think you are neat, but she is a 'neat freak' and thinks you are a slob. If her place is totally immaculate then, maybe she cleaning due to having higher standards. 

This might cause friction later should you become one. She might go from cleaning to show her love, to telling you to clean, because you are a slob. I only say this, because my wife is always cleaning a clean house.


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## Enchantment

SadSamIAm said:


> My guess is that everyone is correct that she cares about you and she is showing you that by 'looking after you'.
> 
> My only comment would be, "What is her place like?" Maybe you think you are neat, but she is a 'neat freak' and thinks you are a slob. If her place is totally immaculate then, maybe she cleaning due to having higher standards.
> 
> This might cause friction later should you become one. She might go from cleaning to show her love, to telling you to clean, because you are a slob. I only say this, because my wife is always cleaning a clean house.


Good point. She's a decorator, isn't she, PBear? She might have some 'higher' standards on what she wants a house to look like.


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## PBear

Those are good points, and a great memory, Enchantment! And yes, she does have "her" way of doing things, especially at her place. At my place, we've developed a comfortable compromise when it comes to things like bed making, and she seems content with that.

I guess the one that I'm most uncertain on is the laundry... I might tease her a little about being company still at my place, so she doesn't have to do dishes, but as it has been mentioned, she helps dirty them, so it's only "fair" that she helps wash them sometimes. I do the same at her place. Same with making the bed. But laundry is something else.

Anyway, I think I have my answer. . I'll probably let her take it next time she offers, and express suitable gratitude for her efforts. Plus I like that my clothes smell more like her. . She has washed a couple things for me when she borrowed a shirt or something in the past.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn

I,d be kind of leary about letting her take your laundry wash it and then bring it back.

that seems like to much. unless your going to do something for her like take and gas up her car as you change her oil. or I'm sure you could think of something equal to do for her to show how much you like her doing it for you. 


this could be a test of sorts. and everbody keeps score about things like this make sure you one up her and do something nice for her something she like but wouldn't expect.

it could be a test of your own see how she respondes to you doing for her. you could make a game out of it who can treat the other better. sounds like fun


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## heartsbeating

SimplyAmorous said:


> To stomp on that -would be like someone giving you a present , and you rejecting it. (well that would be worse I think). Just keep reminding her how wonderful she is, I am sure she eats that part up. True, you don't need the help, but I bet you are happy she is a "giving" woman.


:iagree:

She wants to give to you, to show that she cares. Or maybe she's sick of you wearing your undies two days in a row and then inside out ....I'm kidding  

With the laundry, it sounds like she wants to become closer with you. She wants to show you in other ways what she can "bring" and because she loves you, she finds herself wanting to care for you. I would view this as "Do women want to be caring for their man?" rather than "Do women want to _take care of_ their man?". The fact that you are independent and together is likely an attractive quality to her and probably another reason she wants to do this for you, perhaps to feel needed on another level? Of course, there's balance with this. Don't lose sight of being able to show her that you're still an independent guy. Make sense?


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## Open4it

"Little by little, a bird builds its nest."


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## RandomDude

The missus takes care of me all the time, only problem is she asks me to "repay the favor" pretty much almost immediately (she gives me a massage, then she needs one too, and I had best comply, she gives me a warm welcome home, then she expects me to spend time with her, she fiddles with my ding dang, then expects me to fiddle with her pretties, etc etc)

Your girlfriend however, seems to be very different. And as she has no expectations it's a bonus. It should inspire you to "repay the favor" willingly, I know it would inspire me, like if the missus didn't chuck fits everytime I don't "meet her halfway" I would go beyond halfway personally.

Accept her love and make her feel cherished.


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## LovesHerMan

I agree, RandomDude. Love is about doing things to make each other feel cared for and treasured.


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## Lon

RandomDude said:


> The missus takes care of me all the time, only problem is she asks me to "repay the favor" pretty much almost immediately (she gives me a massage, then she needs one too, and I had best comply, she gives me a warm welcome home, then she expects me to spend time with her, she fiddles with my ding dang, then expects me to fiddle with her pretties, etc etc)
> 
> Your girlfriend however, seems to be very different. And as she has no expectations it's a bonus. It should inspire you to "repay the favor" willingly, I know it would inspire me, like if the missus didn't chuck fits everytime I don't "meet her halfway" I would go beyond halfway personally.
> 
> Accept her love and make her feel cherished.


RD, wow I know what you mean about repaying - anytime I did something for my W that she noticed, it was "repayed" almost instantly in exactly the same way. And any time she did something nice for me she would become upset if I didn't reciprocate in the exact same way immediately. I became somewhat resentful of this and was always feeling like I was the one "governing" these interactions, because otherwise it was always one track constantly focussed one reciprocating and felt like she'd let it keep speeding up out of control - I am learning some people prefer their relationships to be like that, personally I like to savor the kind things we do for each other, for the most part I think I am tuned to a slower "rythm", I need it to function because I can only focus on one thing at a time, so keeping a single task (reciprocating kind deeds) item at the top of the priority list means EVERYTHING else is neglected - I am shuffling through priorities constantly... my mind is wired with completely different architecture than hers and our clocks were just never in synch, we missed so many opportunities to give each other what we needed...


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## PBear

Thanks again for the input! And yes, I have given thought about the nest building, even if it might be subconscious. Not totally against that...

As far as reciprocating favors, we seem to mesh well with regards to that. If she even hints she might like a massage, I'm on that like a wet t-shirt on a co-ed. . And she's done the same for me. I've spent hours rebuilding her computer after her HD crashed, she's done most of my decorating in my place. 

I guess the laundry thing in particular seemed like a "beneath her" chore. And to be honest, it's much easier for me to do my laundry here than for her to take it home and do it anyway, since my washer and dryer are about 10 feet from my bedroom, whereas her car and place are... Much further. On the other hand, I did let her take "our" blanket home last night to wash it. But that's the subject for a different forum! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkawaywife

ah. white people problems.


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## RandomDude

Looks like things are going well then PBear =)
No demands, no expectations, just being loving, and caring.


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## PBear

walkawaywife said:


> ah. white people problems.


I prefer to think of them as "upper middle class, middle aged, recently separated, north American" people problems... . I doubt race is coming into play here.

And RD, yes. Things are pretty darn good overall! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FieryHairedLady

Sounds like she may be gunning for a more permanent status?


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## southern wife

PBear said:


> But speaking of a show... It would probably be wrong to buy a little French maid outfit for her? . Just kidding!!!!
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But wouldn't that be so much more fun and add some excitement? :smthumbup:


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