# child manipulates me?



## tequilalime (Sep 4, 2012)

My 8 year old, is , well, kinda different. He has been evaluated and has "elements of ADHD and possibly Asperger's". Needless to say he can be difficult to manage at times. He doesn't always hear you when you talk to him, and he can be very physical at times, jumping around a lot. 
The other night 8 year old is playing randomly on the piano by the front door and husband is cleaning pet's cage nearby. Child turns off light over piano. Husband barks, "turn the light back on, I need it to see". A few minutes later, child, jumping around to the music, turns off the light again. Husband says "I SAID TURN THE LIGHT ON!"
Child looks sad. 
Ensuing arguement: Husband feels child "gave him a look" and purposely turned off the light to provoke him. That child looks sad in order to manipulate ME into getting into fight with husband. I feel that child was jumping around and absently turned it off, because he has always said that light is too bright and he probably turns it off all the time, and forgot.
This scenario has happened many times. My husband feels that my son is spoiled, manipulative, and immature. I feel like he has some behavioral issues and impulse control issues, and is immature, but not manipulative. And the fight goes on...usually ending with my husband saying "fine, he's YOUR problem" (in front of child).
Any advice?
Tequila


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

He most likely has sensory integration issues. My daughter is the same age and has it. She at times seemed deaf but her hearing was fine. Get him to an occupational therapist for an eval ASAP. My daughter went to occupational therapy for about 7 months and it was like they changed my child into the girl I knew she could be. 
To her lights were really really bright, and if there was music or a lot of noise especially it was like she couldn't hear you. 
She was very sensitive to things like getting her hair combed, washing her hair, she had about of fears. 
Does he like to swing on swings and spin a lot? 
They do that kind if thing to modulate their sensory input. They either get too little or it's too much.
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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, he needs to be evaluated.

At the same time, you DO still have to have rules for him. If he does something and is told not to, that's one thing. If he does it again, he is NOT learning and needs to experience a time out.

PLEASE don't let ANY child's 'sad look' change what you know as an adult you should be doing. Your job is to be his mother, not his friend. He has plenty of friends; he doesn't need you for that. He needs you for stability, rules and consequences for breaking the rules. He needs to know that those rules will always be there, no matter how he acts up or gets upset. They provide safety to him, whether he knows it or not. And your first job is to provide safety so he can grow up happy and healthy without worrying about safety.

As for the lights, if he was that upset about it he could have gone somewhere else; he purposely ignored his dad.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And you need to back up your husband, when in front of your son. Always. (unless he's being abusive) You can talk about what happened later, in private, and come to a new agreement of what to do. But NEVER counter what your husband says in front of your kid. It ruins your marriage AND messes up the kid.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Is this child the mans bio son or step son?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

This child does need clear cut boundaries. You can't feel sorry for them because they have issues. My daughter has a behavior calendar and if she breaks a rule she gets an x. If she goes a certain number days without an x she gets a prize. Actually she needed that damn thing for three years but lately we haven't needed it. Thank god!!!!
good luck to you.
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## tequilalime (Sep 4, 2012)

all good points. thanks.


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