# Husband and 19-year-old girl



## RedVine (Mar 22, 2009)

I know I hardly post here so you won't remember me. A few months ago I was worried about an 18-year-old girl who befriended my husband at a Christmas party. I described a few encounters between him and her. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and I'm afraid that our situation has made a turn for the worst.

Since late July my husband has been away at a Music festival for high school and college students. The festival takes place in a university, and he has been sleeping in a dorm there. He is supposed to come home tomorrow. His young "friend" found out that he would be doing a recital and decided to come. From what he told me, the girl and her family were on vacation in Atlantic city. She got up early and took several hours of public transportation to get there. She brought her camera to film the recital. The director asked my husband's permission, and he said it would be okay for the girl to record his performance. Afterwards, the two of them talked to each other while walking around campus. So far nothing seriously bad happened.

Apparently it must've taken her a long time to get back home because she didn't get to Atlantic City until 4 AM. Her parents got worried and filed a missing persons report after midnight. Somehow they were able to ping the girls cellphone and they found out that she had gone to see my husband. The cops asked about her whereabouts and he told them that she left aroung 9 pm. They even searched his room at 3 AM to make sure she wasn't there. She wasn't, but they did ask my husband some pretty embarassing questions, like did they have a relationship, was there any sexuality between them? He said that no, he and the girl were just friends. 

My husband works in a college so his students are over 18. However, during the summer he participates in music festivals that involve younger kids. In the US, people who work with children must have background checks to make sure they aren't predators. Even though the girl is 19, this incident has still caused him to be labeled a potential sexual predator. He said he is worried that there might be a red flag on him. Then there is the issue of his job. As I mentioned earlier, he is a university instructor. Many universities ban student-teacher relationships even if the student is a legal adult. He says everything with the girl is platonic, but if anyone suspects a relationship, he could be in trouble.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Nice story...what was the question again?




John


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## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

This is a very risky situation. Sadly, if this does go on his file even if it is false it will hinder his career. Hopefully the university will look at all of his performance as a whole rather than an inconclusive incident. It could just be the girl having a crush on him, either way it would be wise for him to stop all unneccesary communication with her.


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## Kilroy (Aug 17, 2009)

Whether he did anything to justify being labeled as a sexual predator or not, the fact of the matter is that your husband's relationship with this girl, platonic or not, is inappropriate, out of the ordinary, and suspicious. That is more than enough of a reason for him to be flagged as a potential predator, and he should have known better. Even if he thought it was the best thing in the world for him and maybe for her too to go on platonic walks.. together.. alone.. away from her family.. at the age of 18.. the fact is that he should have been more mindful of what is best for the young woman, not raise his hands and shrug dumbly when people ask why they're spending so much time together.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

She is 18-19. 
Of age. 
Consenting adult for sex purposes.

Ethically unless your DH is _her professor at the moment_, or psychiatrist/psychologist or doctor I don't see an issue.

I don't see how the heck he could get "labeled as a potential sex offender". Sounds fishy to me. Call the police and ASK if he is on record as such.

In police work you either ARE a sex offender or are not. The label doesn't stick and it doesn't go on any record IF you aren't even convicted! Geez, this REALLY sounds like a weird story from your DH. I'd do some "behind the scenes" checking without you DH's knowledge.

Very weird. Sounds like a guilty man if you ask me.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Did I miss it? how old is your husband ?

ps... as a college prof... he can be charged with moral turpitude,
to mess with one of his students.

I would think he knows that.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

She went from Atlantic city to NYC to see his recital? It is like a 2 hour bus ride, they also now have a train from AC to NYC. I would say about an hour trip.

Now after midnight the parents filed a "missing person" report in Atlantic City for their 19 year old daughter??? Are you serious?? you know there are a few things for her to do in AC.

Also your husband was asked questions never charged, no flags on him. 


I think you are paranoid, this girl has a cruch on him or infatuated with him, he see's it, but does not act on it, he keeps it platonic.


You seem to know alot about this girls actions, you sure you are not stalking her?


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## euphoria (May 31, 2009)

Hi RV, hope you are well. I have not posted to you in the past, but I do follow your thread. I have read you on another forum as well. I was just wondering if there were any recent updates? Is your H doing ok? I hope he is not having any difficulty with work because of this girl. She is clearly disturbed. I know you spoke with her mom once a while back, I was wondering if you have contacted her any further?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

How can you be labeled a sex predator when the girl is 18-19????


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is this woman one of your husband's students? If not, I wonder if your husband is just setting up a defence in case someone starts talking to you about him having an inappropriate relationship with this woman. The best defence being a good offence and all that...

C


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

QuitaBee said:


> This is a very risky situation. Sadly, if this does go on his file even if it is false it will hinder his career. Hopefully the university will look at all of his performance as a whole rather than an inconclusive incident. It could just be the girl having a crush on him, either way it would be wise for him to stop all unneccesary communication with her.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

No legalities at the girls age but potential trouble because of the teacher/student connection.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Something isn't right here. Too many things don't add up and if all you are going on is what your husband is telling you, you'd be wise to do some investigating of your own. 

He is worried about being labeled a predator when she is legal age? IMO, there is more to this. And I think it's inappropriate for him to be spending any time alone with a young female student. It is best to avoid all appearances of evil and he has not.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Dead thread. RV hasn't been back since 2009.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

RedVine said:


> I know I hardly post here so you won't remember me. A few months ago I was worried about an 18-year-old girl who befriended my husband at a Christmas party. I described a few encounters between him and her. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and I'm afraid that our situation has made a turn for the worst.
> 
> Since late July my husband has been away at a Music festival for high school and college students. The festival takes place in a university, and he has been sleeping in a dorm there. He is supposed to come home tomorrow. His young "friend" found out that he would be doing a recital and decided to come. From what he told me, the girl and her family were on vacation in Atlantic city. She got up early and took several hours of public transportation to get there. She brought her camera to film the recital. The director asked my husband's permission, and he said it would be okay for the girl to record his performance. Afterwards, the two of them talked to each other while walking around campus. So far nothing seriously bad happened.
> 
> ...


Your husband at the very least is exhibiting poor judgment by palling around with a young student. 

Also the position of authority he holds over a young impressionalbe student can result in charges of sexual harassment, even if he has done nothing but pal around with her. 

She is young and his position could be considered coercive.

Again, what the heck is your husband doing hanging out with such a young girl. 

I don't know if he is having an affair, but if every one else suspects one, that is a red flag. 

As they say the spouse is always the last to know.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So did they ever find the girl or is she still missing?

Seems your husband has boundary issues.


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