# Why could I never enjoy oral with him



## girly (Feb 25, 2014)

I recently (5 months ago) ended a two year relationship, I cheated, and left.... I know

I'm not with the person I cheated with, happily single actually and headed to NY with a group of gf's this Monday, so excited :smthumbup:

But i have been thinking about my old relationship, I genuinely have 0 desire to be in it again but I would like to be sure that I don't bring those issues into a new relationship.

I was never able to enjoy oral with my ex, I couldn't relax, I would turn it down when offered, give oral instead, avoid sex entirely if I knew he wanted to do it. We also never made out, which is weird I know, but he was really grossed out with swapping saliva, so no sharing cups, spoons/forks, that sort of thing.

Prior to him I loved oral, and practically would not have sex without. I would ask for it to help me sleep, just to relax, whatever.

I just can't quite figure out why i took such an about face in this relationship?
Thoughts?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why not with him?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'm guessing your Ex was germaphobic since he hated the thought of swapping saliva to the point he wouldn't want to use a fork or spoon after you used it. I assume it would stand to reason that based on what little we know, your ex exhibited behaviors where he was grossed out by a number of things - possibly menstrual blood among others. 

With that in mind, I could see the ex nitpicking little things, resulting in you building up walls against him and thus removing intimate activities that you would normally enjoy doing with someone you are close to. Therefore, no oral with the ex because of his "quirks" is my guess.


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## girly (Feb 25, 2014)

PBear, are you asking why I'm not with him... or why I didn't want oral with him? The first for multiple reasons, the cheating obviously, but also different places in life I guess. The oral, I really don't know, I also didn't want him touching my breasts, honestly not sure why, they're my most erogenous zone.

Plan 9, he really wasn't grossed out by menstrual blood actually, he would have sex during the latter part of my period if he/I, clean up, no biggie. It seemed to be saliva specifically that he didn't like


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You really need to dig deeper on why you didn't want him near your breasts or p*ssy, or you'll run a strong risk of repeating your problems. Saying "I don't know why" isn't helping yourself at all. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## girly (Feb 25, 2014)

PBear said:


> You really need to dig deeper on why you didn't want him near your breasts or p*ssy, or you'll run a strong risk of repeating your problems. Saying "I don't know why" isn't helping yourself at all.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out, and why I let the relationship go on so long with me avoiding certain sexual acts the way I was. I don't think it was a lack of attraction, I thought he was cute, really kind, loving. I just felt awkward about him touching me there, he wasn't the best at it honestly, but I'm also trying to figure out why I didn't find it necessary to teach him. Hindsight....


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Did you have these same issues with the AP?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

girly said:


> That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out, and why I let the relationship go on so long with me avoiding certain sexual acts the way I was. I don't think it was a lack of attraction, I thought he was cute, really kind, loving. I just felt awkward about him touching me there, he wasn't the best at it honestly, but I'm also trying to figure out why I didn't find it necessary to teach him. Hindsight....


Some guys will be terrible at stimulating you but be excellent at stimulating other women. You guys are a freaking enigma and your sexual sides are even more complicated than your emotional ones. 

I think if you care enough about someone you take the time to teach them what you like. If you don't really care about them, it's no big deal if they can't get you off since you don't give a sht anyways. (Not you personally people in general).


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

It seems like you didn't want his mouth on your most provocative womanly parts....you didn't allow him past the "wall" you put up for some reason. Maybe inside, he turned you off, or reminded you of something you really didn't feel comfortable with. You had your guard up for some reason...

If he was uncomfortable with kissing you....then you felt the awkwardness and internalized it?


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

Maybe he just wasn't good at it.


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## girly (Feb 25, 2014)

Thoud does AP stand for other person?

I did not have those issues with the other person, not sure how descriptive I am allowed to be but that was not an issue, not at all


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## girly (Feb 25, 2014)

sinnister said:


> Some guys will be terrible at stimulating you but be excellent at stimulating other women. You guys are a freaking enigma and your sexual sides are even more complicated than your emotional ones.
> 
> I think if you care enough about someone you take the time to teach them what you like. If you don't really care about them, it's no big deal if they can't get you off since you don't give a sht anyways. (Not you personally people in general).


That is something I worry about, that I didn't care enough to try to show him, something I loved and needed to fully enjoy sex, I avoided instead of trying to teach. Just doesn't seem right. I orgasmed at least 85% of the time so i was not left unsatisfied. When we did talk about it seldomly, I would let him do it, and I would even orgasm, put it still felt awkward, hmmm


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

girly said:


> That is something I worry about, that I didn't care enough to try to show him, something I loved and needed to fully enjoy sex, I avoided instead of trying to teach. Just doesn't seem right. I orgasmed at least 85% of the time so i was not left unsatisfied. When we did talk about it seldomly, I would let him do it, and I would even orgasm, put it still felt awkward, hmmm



I can't figure woman out my walk away wife orgasmed every time I performed oral and 95% of the time with straight sex. She would say the oral was on the outside and the straight sex was deep within her entire body.

But guess what she left me anyway...she claims that until her EA went PA what kept her home was that I was a great lover.
Now she tells me she misses the intimacy we had because her POS CANT EVEN keep his willy going. WTF why tell me this..

Because she wants to show me that a relationship with a woman is based on more than amazing sex.

Then I read all these posts from women complaining about their sex life,....yeeesh...I should have just become a priest.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

girly said:


> I recently (5 months ago) ended a two year relationship, I cheated, and left.... I know
> 
> I'm not with the person I cheated with, happily single actually and headed to NY with a group of gf's this Monday, so excited :smthumbup:
> 
> ...




I don't blame you for feeling this way..that must suck royally, no pun intended. It's like how your SO can tell you how hot you are over and over and then one bad comment he makes you totally become obsessed over...

For your future sexual enjoyment and health you have got to get over him.....that is strange...I have never heard of a man who didn't love to perform oral on a woman....try reading up on this kind of issue....heck better yet find a hottie in NY that will eat you up and put you to sleep!!!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

AP. Affair partner


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I would guess that you subconsciously decided that he was not turned on by giving you oral sex. -If he will not French kiss than why would he want those other fluids.

Maybe his body language in bed was just very reserved (turn off) 

I am guessing that this was just not a good mate for you and you will not have that problem if you find a guy that is a bit less finicky and more compatible.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

girly said:


> I was never able to enjoy oral with my ex, I couldn't relax, I would turn it down when offered, give oral instead, avoid sex entirely if I knew he wanted to do it. We also never made out, which is weird I know, but he was really grossed out with swapping saliva, so no sharing cups, spoons/forks, that sort of thing.


Was he just not very good at it, perhaps because of his aversion?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

girly said:


> But i have been thinking about my old relationship, I genuinely have 0 desire to be in it again but I would like to be sure that I don't bring those issues into a new relationship.


My only thoughts are that above is an oxymoron.

You should take a break and really figure yourself out. What made you cheat?

You need to work and fix yourself.

Going out/girls night out in NY will not help you with above at all.

And yes, you should not be in a relationship until you figure out your issues.


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