# What's going on?



## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

OK.....some have commented that there is concern with my relationship....and I wouldn't be on this site if there wasn't. I have been told I am conservative, sexually conservative, old fashioned, and judgmental. I would like to share an evening with my partner.,,,,this took place some time ago....but it still bothers me. We have talked about it. My partner apologized....so I feel he must think he did something inappropriate.
We met at a local pub one night....He was at the bar with his computer. I asked what was up with the computer? He responded that he was "playing mind games" with Erin. She was a waitress at the bar (her night off). She sat across the bar with her phone. I will add that Erin is extremely hot (His description to me).....available.....25....my partner and I are both early 60's......we don't look it.....stay fit.......etc. So the night began with the two of them communicating.......not sure what they said to each other....but it brought on lots of smiles and laughter. At one point I went to the bathroom.....when I returned they were sitting very close.....talking......I went right over there and stoood beside them.....My partner said..."What do you want?" I said nothing and walked off. Needless to say it was a very cold night. MY biggest regret is that I didn't walk out on him that night....but he said once that you never solve a problem by walking away. Ladies.....how would you handle this? I wouldn't mind some male input as well.


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

I might add that we live together.....not married....but committed ???


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Senior Citizen said:


> I might add that we live together.....not married....but committed ???


he dosn't sound very commited.

his actions speak louder than words. 

sounds inapropiat to me.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You may be committed but he is not. You were humiliated in front of the people at the pup and in front of this young woman. He gave his attention to a woman who does nothing for him, meets none of his needs. 

You actually need to ask? Woman up and regain your self respect. He does not appreciate or value you. 

If you had any self respect at all, you would have left the pup. When he retuned home, you should have asked him when this hottie was going to begin meeting his needs. 

One night of coldness on your part and an apology on his part is all you got? You were humiliated, disrespected and dismissed and you accept an apology in recompense? 

He suffered no consequences? You think too little of yourself. If he sees so little value in his relationship with you that he can send you away just to play a game with a hottie? 

What will he do when some hottie makes a play for him? Does he have money? He might be good for car payments or apartment rental in exchange for sex.

My advice is to untangle your life from his and plan on eventually on his leaving for what he will think is greener pasture 

Do you have a job, friends, hobbies interest that have nothing to do with him? If your whole life is wrapped up in this man then unwrap it. 

He either makes an active choice of you and treat you with respect or you should leave. if you are willing to meet his needs even when you are not appreciated then don't complain. 

Don't feel cheated when he goes, you are cheating yourself now to continue to serve him. 

You asked so that what I see.


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

Catherine....thank you for being so candid. The truth hurts.....I know.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Senior Citizen said:


> OK.....some have commented that there is concern with my relationship....and I wouldn't be on this site if there wasn't. I have been told I am conservative, sexually conservative, old fashioned, and judgmental. I would like to share an evening with my partner.,,,,this took place some time ago....but it still bothers me. *We have talked about it. My partner apologized....so I feel he must think he did something inappropriate.*
> We met at a local pub one night....He was at the bar with his computer. I asked what was up with the computer? He responded that he was "playing mind games" with Erin. She was a waitress at the bar (her night off). She sat across the bar with her phone. I will add that Erin is extremely hot (His description to me).....available.....25....my partner and I are both early 60's......we don't look it.....stay fit.......etc. So the night began with the two of them communicating.......not sure what they said to each other....but it brought on lots of smiles and laughter. At one point I went to the bathroom.....when I returned they were sitting very close.....talking......I went right over there and stoood beside them.....My partner said..."What do you want?" I said nothing and walked off. Needless to say it was a very cold night. MY biggest regret is that I didn't walk out on him that night....but he said once that you never solve a problem by walking away. Ladies.....how would you handle this? I wouldn't mind some male input as well.


So, he apologized to you for (something) which he felt was inappropriate. Did he understand what he did, or did he simply apologize because you were upset?

As for the 25 year old, it was certainly an ego-boost for your partner to have this conversation with a younger, attractive female, and maybe she responded because he was funny, interesting and got her attention, however most (not all, course) 25 year old attractive females are not looking for a serious relationship with a man old enough to be their father/grandfather, so you have nothing to worry about in regards to "stealing your man".

Your issue with him is find out exactly what he was apologizing for and to let him know that he disrespected you. 

Does he flirt with you? Could it be that this episode is about the "chase"? Maybe he is missing that feeling of being seen as an interesting man. You say you are conservative. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if you let him know by actions of yours that you find him desirable. It can't hurt. Good luck to you.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Your partner's behaviour was rude and disrespectful, and I would have simply got up and left him to play his "mind games" with the 25 year old hottie. You can't lose what you don't have and, IMO, this man doesn't sound at all committed to you, OP.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Senior Citizen said:


> I have been told I am conservative, sexually conservative, old fashioned, and judgmental.


I find it interesting that you started your post with this. How is this connected to the rest of the post, the "incident"? Do you think he was fishing for a younger woman because you're sexually conservative and judgmental? Is your goal to be less conservative? More fun? Where do you see yourself and your relationship in 3 years?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Senior Citizen said:


> At one point I went to the bathroom.....when I returned they were sitting very close.....talking......I went right over there and stoood beside them.....My partner said..."What do you want?" I said nothing and walked off. Needless to say it was a very cold night. MY biggest regret is that I didn't walk out on him that night


It's not too late to do so, in my opinion. 

This was outlandlishly rude and demeaning.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I can't believe the 25 year old is serious with him. They have what 40 years age difference? She is probably viewing him as a father or a grandfather figure.


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I find it interesting that you started your post with this. How is this connected to the rest of the post, the "incident"? Do you think he was fishing for a younger woman because you're sexually conservative and judgmental? Is your goal to be less conservative? More fun? Where do you see yourself and your relationship in 3 years?


I started with this as my partner said I made too much of the whole evening. She is his FRIEND....they were just having FUN.....I need to LIGHTEN UP.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Senior Citizen said:


> I started with this as my partner said I made too much of the whole evening. She is his FRIEND....they were just having FUN.....I need to LIGHTEN UP.



Your partner is full of sheet, I'd dump him but only after I flirted with some younger men in front of him. Then tell him to "lighten up". Also tell him he looks like a idiot and everyone is laughing at him behind his back, because they are. Seriously, if you tolerate this you have no more reason to complain when this behavior continues, as you've made it clear the behavior is acceptable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

RUN!


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

It does feel good to get some support from this site. I question myself so much.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Senior Citizen said:


> I started with this as my partner said I made too much of the whole evening. She is his FRIEND....they were just having FUN.....I need to LIGHTEN UP.


Ok he wants you to lighten up. Treat him the way he treats you. He knows that he disrespected you and publicly humiliated you. Suppose you did the same to him? 

Yea lighten up. Give him a taste of his own medicine. His ego needs stroking, don't do it. Give him the raw truth. He wants to flirt with this young girl in your face, don't go to the pub. 

Go out with the girls. Do what you need to do to revive your sense of yourself as a woman. 

In fact tell him that you don't consider what he did as having anything to do with having fun. It is fun at your expense. So you go out and have fun at his expense. 

Don't go out of your way to meet his needs if he is not meeting your emotional needs. If he complains tell him to lighten up. 

You sound tentative, insecure and beaten down. If you don't want to rock the boat for fear of losing him then you can plan on being treated badly. 

You have to woman up. He treats you the way you allow him to treat you. If staying in the relationship is more important than your well being than don't insist that he treat you with respect. 

Your attitude concerns me. Not his. You doubt you own feelings and you allow him to tell you what to feel. That speaks of fear. You don't love him do you? If you had other options would you stay? 

You do have options. You have self-respect. Take your vj and find a worthy man.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Senior Citizen said:


> It does feel good to get some support from this site. I question myself so much.


SC, it wouldn't surprise me if that isn't his intention... Control...

He's mature enough to know that you don't take your partner out for the evening then focus all your attention on someone else.


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