# Harshest words your spouse said "TO" you



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Just curious on this.. I know people will tell other people things when you're not around.. but what about when you are right there in front of them,, alone or among others?

My H has said so many hurtful things,, about the worst was when we were with friends, talking about a new couple , and the girl wanted a new house and furnishings because there had been another girl that lived there before her.... she wanted a "first" with him.. 

Now, our bed was my mothers from years ago... very old.. but new mattress... 

So,, my H had the audacity to say,,,"H*ll, our bed has been with half of ***** county"!!! 

This is the attitude I got about my sexual abuse as a child and being promiscuous in my teen years..... which his statement WAS highly exaggerated... I slept around, but I wasn't the town sl^t!!!!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Fine, go back to your brother then.
(Referring to my brother who raped me when I was 12 or 13...)
Have not willingly had contact with my family since 1995 except through atty or police if they contacted me...
He said this when I accepted his offer of divorce which he offered up as a solution to conflict resolution (when he could not explain scratches on his back where I found them during the middle of the winter, when I put my hand around the back of his shoulder when being intimate...he had a 5-year history of lying and deceipt when it comes to other women...in effect our entire relationship...that he'd admitted to...and had asked for a second chance...)

So sad, really, I mean sad example of a human being.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Wow, Numb and Homemaker, I don't have anything to rival that. I'm so sorry. 

I got lots of gaslighting and accusations of being mentally ill, but I guess what hurt the most was in the final weeks, when things had been going badly, I made arrangements for us to go to a bed and breakfast for Thanksgiving, as we lived nowhere near family, and he refused to go -- said he'd rather be with his friends. That's when I knew we were done.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

The standard ILYBNILWY coupled with "I don't want to be married to you anymore" and "I'm not coming home". A triple play that broke my heart.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Also because of my past abuse... if my H would try groping me ,, and I would pull away from him because the situation.
Instead of understanding,, he would get mad and say that "I" was making "him" pay for my past...

And yes,,, I had told him of my abuse just a couple months into our relationship, so he was well aware of it..

And if we would be just talking about an ex,,,, he would put up his fingers and go 1 - 10 and start over,, bringing up the "sl^t" thought again...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nothing from my husband. He has never said anything like that above 

But my ex....during an argument over a table, he looked at me and said, "You are the ugliest c*nt. The day I asked you out was the dumbest decision of my life." Nice. Our 2 year old watched this.

I was gone soon after. F*ck that guy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> Also because of my past abuse... if my H would try groping me ,, and I would pull away from him because the situation.
> Instead of understanding,, he would get mad and say that "I" was making "him" pay for my past...
> 
> And yes,,, I had told him of my abuse just a couple months into our relationship, so he was well aware of it..
> ...


Emotional abuse.  What is his problem? I'm sorry you have to deal with this.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

"I'm not sure if I have ever been in love with you."
"The idea of having sex with you is repulsive to me." (A few days after announcing she wanted to separate.)
"I love you more and more everyday."


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

"I love you and care about you, but I'm not in love with you"

"I hate the person I am, I need to work on myself and be happy" (which is just a complete joke from my stand point)

"How can I ever trust you again, I have given you no reason not to trust me." (delusional much?)



So on and so on. I've started to become just so frickin frustrated with this whole separation because I feel like it's a big @ss copout. I really do. There was never any abuse issues, be it physical, emotional or substance .. we just had to grind out life and move forward and she would rather do it alone.

But not just alone, she now gets to play on the victim card and have this whole BS persona of 'doing it on her own'.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Oh oh!! I forgot about the finale! The icing of the cake!!!

"We just aren't good for each other."


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's all hurtful, all the posts. Because it's the end of a relationship we were truly vested in, and we were in a position to be hurt, emotionally vulnerable, trusting someone else to meet us in the middle with a human need to intimacy...

Worst thing I said to my ex-H, was when he said B*tch you got what you wanted...I said, no, I didn't. (Meaning love, trust, intimacy, til death do us part...)


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

UpnDown said:


> "I love you and care about you, but I'm not in love with you"
> 
> "*I hate the person I am, I need to work on myself and be happy*" (which is just a complete joke from my stand point)
> 
> So on and so on. I've started to become just so frickin frustrated with this whole separation because I feel like it's a big @ss copout. I really do. There was never any abuse issues, be it physical, emotional or substance .. we just had to grind out life and move forward and she would rather do it alone.


Jesus... can't emphasize "ditto" enough there. 

A good friend, who's wife left him, said pretty much the same thing about happiness. I agree with what Conrad said our having to be able to claim our happiness. Their lack of happiness is often blameshifted on us and surfaces as excuses and not reasons to leave the marriage. 



> But not just alone, she now gets to play on the victim card and have this whole BS persona of 'doing it on her own'.


Oh yeah... my ex is cheered on for being a "strong, independent woman". She's not a bad person... after all, I did fall in love and marry her. But, over the years she's changed. She's told me she doesn't love or like herself. I've heard that in those situations a spouse can often resent another for not being intelligent enough to empathize/see their problems, so they push us away for loving them. This from a female friend who's thought the same in a past relationship, and arrived at this conclusion with her counselor.

In any case... here's to claiming our happiness.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

"I'm allergic to your touch"

"I've never been attracted to you"

"I don't know if I ever loved you"

"You were never husband material. I always wanted to be a good wife"

"I have a set of standards for a husband and you don't meet them" (after 4 years of marriage)

"I'm somewhat ashamed of being with you in front of others"

"I love you so much"

"I don't know what I would do without you"

"I'm craving a new relationship and that's your fault. It was your responsibility to keep me interested in our relationship and you failed"



Yeah, beat that.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

"Don't I deserve to happy?" (As he destroyed the happiness of at least 3 other people!)

Truly self-centered and narcisstic!


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## Bitter+Sweet (May 19, 2012)

Let me see what I remember him saying to me...

The only reason I am still here is because I have no place else to go. (apologized later and said he said it out of anger)

B*tch repeatedly during an argument. (apologized later and said he didn't mean it)

For his birthday I got him a cake, balloons, had bubble bath waiting when he got home from work, gave a massage, took him out to dinner, bought him some college stuff of his favorite school, did a "dance" for him, and intimacy. We got into another heated argument a month later and he asked do you know how long you were intimate with me on my birthday? Of course he told me and said that he would have been more satisfied if I spent more time pleasing him then all of the bull**it gifts I gave him.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Synthetic... ouch. I mean... ouch.

When I get down about this stuff, I think of this line from film Cast Away (just made it my new TAM signature):

_“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.”_

Surely, after our nice guy breakthroughs, there are better relationships ahead.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Man, all the crap she used to tell me. All lies, it was just last summer she was spewing all this love stuff for me .. winter hits and poof, I'm done for.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> Synthetic... ouch. I mean... ouch.
> 
> When I get down about this stuff, I think of this line from film Cast Away (just made it my new TAM signature):
> 
> ...


I honestly feel so ashamed of myself for even letting her breath the same air as I did, let alone sharing a bed with her.

Deep down, I loved her like a helpless child that deserved to be loved. I always felt she had a much smaller heart than I did, but never thought I would lose myself in the process.

Here I am, 11 years after I met her, wondering who I am, what I was supposed to become in life and how I ever allowed myself to get here.

I don't blame her for my enabling of her behavior, but I can't help feeling used, abused and thrown away.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

oh I almost forgot about this one (because I always wanted to forget she ever said it):

"I wish you would somehow die, so I wouldn't want to die myself"


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Mine told me that he often fantasized about me dying. 


He said he would feel too guilty divorcing me because I was a good person. ...so he would fantasize about me dying--that way he wouldn't have to feel guilty about leaving me. 



He is a piece of poo.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

synthetic said:


> "I'm allergic to your touch"
> 
> "I've never been attracted to you"
> 
> ...



OUCH!!! Sorry !!


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Nothing as harsh or as awful as some of the comments above but mine was the standard ILYBNILWY followed with 'I no longer find you physically or emotionally attractive' - Ouch!! My self esteem is still in recovery mode 2.5 months after hearing that one.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

When I was a little heavier,, in the face.... H would shake my cheeks and say "you make me mad",,, just like Droopy...

Would say from Ice Age "you've got the biggest butt I've ever seen"..... supposed to be a compliment for the mammoths...


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## DaKarmaTrain! (May 17, 2012)

"You have a small penis!!!"

Got worried, and then measured myself...I'm alright


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

synthetic said:


> "I'm allergic to your touch"
> 
> "I've never been attracted to you"
> 
> ...


I am so sorry you have had to hear such vile things from the woman who was supposed to love you.....(((HUGS)))


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

synthetic said:


> oh I almost forgot about this one (because I always wanted to forget she ever said it):
> 
> "I wish you would somehow die, so I wouldn't want to die myself"


I can't help but laugh in disbelief. Mine told me she wondered about leaving the marriage, but was thinking I might have a heart attack (and thereby saving her the trouble).


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

"You smell" (I had just given birth to our baby and was too tired to take a shower).


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

While in Italy to celebrate our 50th birthdays, STBXH went missing a lot calling his tramp with a Euro Phone Card he purchased. 

When driving back from Florence, we got a little lost and he completely went ballistic. Screamed and yelled at me calling me "stupid idiot and a miserable c*nt". All in front of my 11 yr old daughter. Also said, "I can't look you in the eye anymore because I have lost all respect for you". Nice huh! Happy 50th. 

Guilt makes people spew angry things to cover there own sins... 

A month later we argued about a pizza. He called me "Big Fat A$$" and went into the bedroom to text his tramp. 

When he came out to the kitchen, he put his phone on the counter. I picked it up, read the text out loud and threw his precious blackberry in the pool. Then threw his wallet in the driveway and threw his a$$ out of my home. 

I will never, ever allow a person to disrepect me like that again.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Nothing from my husband. He has never said anything like that above
> 
> But my ex....during an argument over a table, he looked at me and said, "You are the ugliest c*nt. The day I asked you out was the dumbest decision of my life." Nice. Our 2 year old watched this.
> 
> I was gone soon after. F*ck that guy.



Sorry to hear about this, that! No one deserves treatment like that! I don't really care who they are!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Instead of "like" we should have a hug or empathy button.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

"You are an obstacle to me."

"You are not a man."

"I still love you but it's not the same."

And the fvckin, its not you, its me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Wow. Mine never said she wanted me dead. Im so sorry guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> I can't help but laugh in disbelief. Mine told me she wondered about leaving the marriage, but was thinking I might have a heart attack (and thereby saving her the trouble).



Trust me! In time, God will gladly deal with her! And on His terms!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Trust me! In time, God will gladly deal with her! And on His terms!


I don't wish her grief or sadness, but I do wish her empathy, awareness and clarity. I would never want her to hurt as I have hurt through this process. 

As an atheist I can say that's the God's honest truth. 

No, truly, I do not wish her any ill will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

"If I cannot inflict pain, the marriage is not worth saving." 


One of his most honest statements of the entire relationship...glad to be almost rid of him...good luck to the GF who is already dealing with his future 4th wife before he has finished divorcing wife #2...and made her #3...wonder after all this if he will eve bother marrying her...for real..not the lies they have told the kids about already being married..


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> I don't wish her grief or sadness, but I do wish her empathy, awareness and clarity. I would never want her to hurt as I have hurt through this process.


Without empathy and awareness, I don't think she could ever hurt as you do. We hurt because we have open hearts. Our exes bury their heads, avoid their true feelings, and expect to be happier. We may hurt more, but they will never be as happy or fulfilled as we will be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

During my first divorce, my first wife actually expressed interest in my death, more especially with two boys in the house, no less.

STBXW, did not. But her actions, silence, and betrayal seem to have a far greater effect on me!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I could go on and on citing the hurtful things she's said to me but I'd rather share a little of what I said to her during the long divorce process.

Let's see.....

She cried when I told her she'd marry a better man and go on to have beautiful children. There was that and "Enjoy YOUR divorce / Enjoy YOUR affair". *Said in a calm voice* Let's just get through this divorce so you never have to see me again..... waterfalls!

When I was really p!ssed she kept gaslighting me and hiding the fact that she divorced me for some POS emo fry cook loser, so I guilt tripped her into remembering everything I did for her and her family that the OM WILL NEVER DO because he SUuucckksss! 

The best one was when she did confess and I told her "No matter what everyone says you CAN change him if you really try hard". LMFAO she didn't get I was being sarcastic and basically telling her to prematurely end her affair by being the controlling b!tch she was in our marriage.

Yep, I'm a horrible person and I accept this.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

You know, Nsweet, that passive aggressive sh!t is truly brilliant. Love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Set me FREE said:


> "If I cannot inflict pain, the marriage is not worth saving."



Sounds a tad like the Marquis de Sade!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> You know, Nsweet, that passive aggressive sh!t is truly brilliant. Love.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You've no idea the Jedi mind tricks I can play. 

"These are not the droids you are looking for"

Thing's I've said to the ex wife......

"Hey, I understand you're upset right now.... we're both going through a rough time and you need your space to enjoy your freedom. I won't bother you again.... Take your time and really enjoy yourself." 
[She called four days later to apologize for lashing out on me.]

"Look, you don't have to cover for yourself about the OM. I've known about you and him since last July and I'm OK with it. (I went on to tell her the details) He's been in love with you since you first met, and now you're with someone more deserving who will always be there for you. He's going to treat you better than I ever could."
[She thanked me and started asking questions about me being available and still loving her.]

Her: "My sister just broke up with her boyfriend. She was giving him all these gifts and he never did anything for her in return."
Me: "I know how that feels."
Her: *Crying quietly* "I have to go!"
[She called a few days later to see how I was doing.]


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

Wow...just wow. My soul just cried for all of you that had to hear such horrible things. My STBXH never said anything like that to me.

What hurt me the worst, though-- he told me I wasn't worth fighting for...not our marriage or our life together...but me


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

"I noticed today when you were wearing shorts that you're letting yourself go."

"You're not an interesting person."

"She would do that differently." (Comparing me to his EA partner)

"Your barriers are up. Other people blend with me when we hug, but not you." (Said constantly when we hugged).

"That wasn't quite what I was looking for." (After sex, when he insisted that I maintain "intense" eye contact with him the entire time).

Is it any wonder that eventually I quit trying?


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Oh yes, can't forget this one:

"I thought you'd change after we got married."


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She told my kids I was a murderer. Of their brother.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

That he hated me and wish he never had kids with me, that i was the biggest c"*nt he's ever met and my personality makes me disgusting looking. 

He also told me he hadnt loved me in years and only stayed with me because of our kids and to avoid paying child support. He told me i ruined our family and his kids have to grow up in a broken home because i couldnt "get over myself". 

He was the one who left me for an 18 year old.

Use to hurt my feelings, now i just laugh because it just reminds me of how much of a dbag he is!


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

My wife wasn't intentionally vindictive, but these words still cut today:

-I packed to leave three times during the last twenty years. I couldn't do it because I couldn't afford to. (Basically feel I've been used for twenty years to put her through school, pay of her debts, and get her financially on her feet so she can leave without worry. Now I'm just a worn out pack mule)
-I stayed for the kids. 
-I don't love you, and I'm not attracted to you.
-When you show up it's like a cloud blotting out the sun... I just feel down. 
-Doesn't God want me happy?
-I am done... just done.
-You will always be my baby daddy, and have a special place in my heart. (Basically I'm nothing but a sperm bank. I want to tell her to shove it when she says this) 
-I have no emotions for you. Nothing is working.
-I want what the couples at church have in their relationships, I want it so bad. (Grass is greener syndrome, I hope she finds it.)
-I am in hell living with you.
-I am angry that you want to change now and not when it mattered. (And when did it matter I ask, she just looks at me like I have three horns growing out of my head)
-I don't trust you, even though I know you are willing to change and are a good man.
-I've never been on my own.
-You’re my husband, and I have no affection for you.
-You've almost killed yourself trying to save this marriage, I see that you truly love me, but I have nothing for you.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

My STBXH has thrown some real doozies my way also:

* You've ruined my life
* I don't want to have sex with you anymore
* I would have married her (his 20 yr EA) but she wouldn't have me so I married you instead
* I only moved back to save money (not what he told me when he was begging for another chance to work on our marriage)
* You are boring
* You used to be so fit (you are now fat)
* Get a fvcking job (I've been a SAHM for 9 yrs supporting his career and our special needs child)
* I can't wait to find someone else who "appreciates me"
* You've alienated me from my friends and family (no I didn't)
* You're the reason I'm on anti-depressants
* You're going to be fvucked when I leave (financially)

Plenty more knifes to the heart but I can't think of them right now.

I'm DONE with this guy. A few days ago something just clicked. I don't want to try anymore I just want him gone.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

It's really hard to read through this thread.

I am thankful that all of you (us) are in a better place now -- even if we're alone or lonely, we're not still taking that abuse. And I hope that regulars on TAM will know better than to take abuse in the future!

Lordy, Lordy, people are awful. I'm so sorry -- I've had some nasty things said to me but nothing like some of you have.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

When she looked me in the eyes and told meshe doesnt love me,then screamed that the OM treated her better than me,at least now she knows what a scumbag OM turned out to be.OM said some pretty rotten things about her that I would never even dream of saying.....sigh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

christ, and I thought my ex was an unpleasant individual 
he's never said anything as hurtful as this
this thread is really upsetting - how can people be like this to those they were supposed to love?
TAM group hug!


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

You know what the scary thing about all of this is.

I can remember countless harsh, ridiculous, mean things that were said to me. I don't really want to go down that road.

However, on the other side of the coin, can I remember anything nice that she said to me in all the years we were together, besides the early on courtship banter?

Maybe two things.... Isn't that pathetic.

The hell was wrong with me staying in that one sided relationship so long.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Andy968 said:


> My wife wasn't intentionally vindictive, but these words still cut today:
> 
> -I don't love you, and I'm not attracted to you.
> -I want what the couples at church have in their relationships, I want it so bad. (Grass is greener syndrome, I hope she finds it.)
> ...


I have heard very similar things. The "grass is greener" thing is a biggie. She wanted a better social experience, since I became too much of a hermit... now I am much more social and she's spending a lot of time doing things with her mom and sister, and she's at her apartment a lot. BUT... it's all ok since in her mind this is part of being strong. The "I can't admit I really didn't have it that bad" side of things. Just a hunch.

"I've never lived alone" is another one I've heard too. Ummm... yes she did. A few years before she met me. She was on her own for a year. Cripes.

Maybe when someone wants out, all they see and feel is negative. Out goes any and all love and respect they have ever had for us, and then they blast away.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I actually still have on a voice mail on my phone,, he had called on one of my days off and for some reason I didn't answer, so his message says:

" Well lets see, it's noon, so I know the banks are closed, and you're not at work, so you must be in the middle of a "**** fest",,, well if you can remember your husbands name, give me a call sometime,,, I love you, not sure if you love me??


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

The only thing that I can really recall that STBXW ever said to me was shortly before our separation and was a reply from her about a statement I made about her shiftless, dropout, tattooed, semi-incarcerated, dope-headed kids of hers coming around my own kids. 

Her threatening reply was: "Well, you've done such a great job in kicking them to the curb so much, that maybe in a very short time, you're going to find out what it's like to walk in their shoes!"

I can see her defending her kids to a degree. But certainly not for their criminal activity!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

For me, being told that I was not capable of living on my own, and being told with a laugh that I would not be capable of having an emotional affair.

The worst for me, which I think was because of the lack of any sence that it could be hurtful was my wife telling friends at a christmas party, with me there that she may as well be a single mother.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

First time I told her I had had enough (2 years ago), and wanted a D, I heard - "I will kill you if you leave."

Second time I told her (about a year ago), she said, "I will kill myself if you leave." She then walked out with my 9mm. It had a trigger lock, and she doesn't know the combo, but still...

Yes, I'm still married to this person.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

H and I were at his 25th High school reunion.... the place that we were at was time limited so they went to check on another building to "move the party" to...

My H's ex hs gf was going and asked if my H would go with her.. of course with it being 25 years since they'd been together??,, I let him go..

At the end of the night, we were in car leaving, and H looked right at me and said " YOU'RE A FOOL",, I asked him why, and he just repeated.." you're a fool",,

Now, 5 years later,, I found out I was the fool,, he had been talking to her SINCE high school,, and they had slept together a few times during 98-99...... which I had no clue about!!!

Talk about feeling like a fool... I did!! Told him I bet they had a nice little laugh at my expense during their little "ride" together,,,


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## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife told me that her friends boyfriend was a better man than i am. Keep in mind that this guy has been in jail for murder, he calls his girlfriend fat *****es and any other thing you can think of. When the family is hungry and has nothing in the home to eat, he will go out of his way to eat something in front of them. I've been in prison or put my wife down in any way shape or form.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Does not coming even once when I was in the hospital with cancer count?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

When we were fighting on the train close to court for divorce, she confided in her cousin (her gaslighting cover for the OM) and paraphrased that he told me to grow up. In my head I was thinking REALLY??? This Hot Topic emo pot head is telling the Navy vet who completed more college and makes twice as much a year to grow up. Really!? At that point I thought don't even bother.... he's going to screw this relationship up for himself before he even knows what went wrong.

Now on one occasion I do remember pulling her to the side while talking to her and telling her "Now you make sure whenever your future boyfriend asks you if your husband had a bigger penis..... you lie your @$$ off! Four inches baby, tell him four inches so he doesn't get his feelings hurt." LOL, I stole her phone away at one point and say his "measurement" comment.... It's not anything to write home about.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Oh yeah... a year ago when my ex wanted to leave the marriage for the second time she hinted having a desire to cheat on me. She was not feeling it in the marriage (and I was tired of being rejected). Things built up and we didn't not communicate well to resolve them early, so the molehill became a mountain.

This last December we were in the same house but separated. She said this to me right after Christmas, sitting on "my" bed (used to be ours)... "I was at a meeting the other day. There were all these guys around the table. I was wondering to myself... who's single? Who's separated?"

She said this knowing I was hurting. This shows her lack of empathy, cruelty by the end of the marriage, and how disconnected she was from us and any respect for my feelings.

It made me think of my new, favourite curse word combo: Jesus f*ck!

Pardon my language, but if fit the mood.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> "I was at a meeting the other day. There were all these guys around the table. I was wondering to myself... who's single? Who's separated?"
> 
> She said this knowing I was hurting. This shows her lack of empathy, cruelty by the end of the marriage, and how disconnected she was from us and any respect for my feelings.
> 
> ...



Canguy: Her statement to you in spite of your predicament is beyond comprehension. In my estimation, She may as well had pulled a saber from a scabbard and just skewered your heart, and then just hand it over to you! There is no remorse, no shame, not even empathy of the minuest kind anywhere within her makeup, if there ever was.

Your prize in this whole scheme of things is just in getting as far away from her as you can. I know all too well the severe hurt that this may have caused you. 

I also am aware from an earlier post that you are an atheist/agnostic type and I can greatly respect that. But rest assured, that even despite that, you are still loved by Him and by all of us who call ourselves Christians, more especially for who you are and what it is that you are going through.

I wish you well in your journey away from this Armageddon of yours and know full well that there are better things ahead, not only for you, but for all of us on our similar journeys!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> Oh yeah... a year ago when my ex wanted to leave the marriage for the second time she hinted having a desire to cheat on me. She was not feeling it in the marriage (and I was tired of being rejected). Things built up and we didn't not communicate well to resolve them early, so the molehill became a mountain.
> 
> This last December we were in the same house but separated. She said this to me right after Christmas, sitting on "my" bed (used to be ours)... "I was at a meeting the other day. There were all these guys around the table. I was wondering to myself... who's single? Who's separated?"
> 
> ...


Good god some of these people!!! How can they do it? I sometimes wish I could be more of a b*tch and then I think 'well at least I can sleep at night' 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> Good god some of these people!!! How can they do it? I sometimes wish I could be more of a b*tch and then I think 'well at least I can sleep at night'
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, Dolly! You're just way too much of a self-respecting and a people-loving woman to ever lower yourself remotely close to Canguy's STBXW's sorry credentials!

I can see and feel his pain so succinctly. But in her, I cannot see anything but a sheer, heart-demeaning glimpse from the windows of hell. I can only hope that in this life, that she can truly find a piece of a conscience somewhere!

But Dolly, you're an absolute sweetheart! Don't ever change!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband has never raised his voice at me. I absolutely love that he hasn't. He has never said anything harsh or negative. He's has a very positive outlook on life all together.

My ex h is another story. Every night and day he'd tell me how worthless I was and calling me every bad name in the book. He was a pro at putting/bringing me down. It didn't last long, I left.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

"Jesus f*ck" is a good start, but I prefer "Vanilla Sl*t". That's a boring sl*t who isn't very good at sex. There's also "Thunder C*nt", very applicable here - A giant c*nt. And last but not least.... "Sl*t Kiddie", or a very childish and needy sl*t - One who craves attention AND c*ck.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Her two favs for making me wanna put her threw a wall..

1. I hope you die
2. Why dont you go and *f...k your sister


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> Her two favs for making me wanna put her threw a wall..
> 
> 1. I hope you die
> 2. Why dont you go and *f...k your sister



Ghost: She sound's like a real keeper! What church did she go to that taught her all of that profound logic?


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

I remembered another one.. while we were living together 'separated' (but somehow working on things, so she says) I asked her what was going on in regards to the marriage. Asked her if we were going to be separating if we were seeing other people or honoring the marriage until we were officially divorced.

"You can do whatever you want" She said.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Ghost: She sound's like a real keeper! What church did she go to that taught her all of that profound logic?


The best is when she isnt PMSng..or just being a nasty person, and is calm and reasonable, she likes to say, words dont mean anything, judge my actions....then I say, oh like the time you let the air out of my tires 2 days in a row and had me spending money on fix a flat and finally admitted you were doing it when you seen me geting ready to go and buy new tires?..THOSE actions?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> The best is when she isnt PMSng..or just being a nasty person, and is calm and reasonable, she likes to say, words dont mean anything, judge my actions....then I say, oh like the time you let the air out of my tires 2 days in a row and had me spending money on fix a flat and finally admitted you were doing it when you seen me geting ready to go and buy new tires?..THOSE actions?



That's far above the radar of where PMS normally resides: that's just plain mean and conniving!!


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

It was plain vindictivness..and ya know what it was over?

I had already by 7pm that evening, gone to the store twice and Walgreens once. She wanted me to go back out and get her smokes because she forgot to ask me earlier. I told her I asked you both times I was walking out the door if you needed anything and you said no, and now I have a movie qued up on the projector and Im settled in. Then it was, all you care about are you stupid movies and your damn projector....blah, blah, wash, rinse repeat nagging

Shes one of those people who forget the 99x you do for them and get angry the 1x time you say no.


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## LastDance (Jun 8, 2012)

I was waiting for you to die before I contacted another couple about a three way. I always figured you would die first. 

I wasn't in love with you anymore.

You know how happy we were when we first met? Well, with xxxx it was like that only so much better and it lasted lots longer too. 

She makes me feel young, attractive and sexy. 

Why did I cheat with her? Because she wasn't YOU!!

If you get fat I'll leave you.

I told her you were lazy, slovenly, a lousy mother, we had no sex life, you didn't love me, and I couldn't stand being around you. Why are you crying now?!


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

This isnt your fault, its me, you havent done anything wrong. I wont go to counseling. I want you to finish filing for divorce, I dont love you and havent for four years.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Man! Screw all this "what did they say to YOU", what about what we will say to THEM after this is all said in done.

Like in a year from now, I will have gone from 285lbs to a mean, lean 200lbs just like how I was BEFORE I met her. Hell, I won't have to say anything. My visual appearance will be a slap across her face.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Up, I am behind you 100% on this comment. Also very proud of you for losing weight for your health. You are super cute so I'm sure you will be a total knockout!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I was about to say the same Up. Its counterproductive. Im losing weight too and feel better than in a long time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

I had asked H about some plans the kids had for the weekend coming up. This happened about one month before he stormed out of the house for good. His reply to me was, "What business is it of yours? You've abandoned the family, it's up to me to take care of them now." I stood there speechless. And yes, this was said to me in front of our children.


About two months ago, he said, "I have wasted ten years of my life being married to you." --or something along those lines.

Ugh, I'm so glad he's gone.


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## EDCIJB (May 10, 2012)

The worst that she has said to me was on Easter morning. She didn't like the shoes that I thought our son should wear to church. It escalated into an arguement. She left for church without me. As she was leaving she said [email protected]#K you and flipped me the bird. Very nice for her to do on an Easter sunday of all times.


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## StatusQuo (Jun 4, 2012)

There have been a number of things that he's said, the one that stung the most, and maybe it was because it was most recently, or because it involved our son was a couple weeks ago. He'd gotten up early on a Saturday to do something, I was still asleep.

He stormed into the bedroom, ripped the covers off me, and yelled, 

"ARE YOU GOING TO FVCKING GET UP?!?!?! THAT FVCKING KID HAS BEEN SCREAMING FOR AN HOUR!!!" 

By "fvcking kid" he was referring to our 19 month old son. Our kids share a bedroom, and if the baby so much as fusses my daughter wakes up. My bedroom is directly across the hall from the kids' room, and there's no way that the baby was "screaming for an hour" and that I slept through it. My daughter was still sound asleep.

That was the only thing he said to me the entire day... his wonderful "wake up call".


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## txlady (Apr 18, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Does not coming even once when I was in the hospital with cancer count?


I am sorry to hear this...
I was really sick and ended up going to the ER a few months ago. I texted my H and asked if he could help me out. His response was "does it concern DD?" I said nevermind, and then told him that I needed to have him get our child. He told me he was out of town and wouldn't be back for a few days. 
I relied on a good friend to take me to the doctor and watch my DD while I rested the following day. 

I was/am insanely livid over this...


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## txlady (Apr 18, 2012)

UpnDown said:


> I remembered another one.. while we were living together 'separated' (but somehow working on things, so she says) I asked her what was going on in regards to the marriage. Asked her if we were going to be separating if we were seeing other people or honoring the marriage until we were officially divorced.
> 
> "You can do whatever you want" She said.


Mine looked at me in disbelief and said "Oh, so you're not gonna do anything to disrespect the marriage?" 
Nope. 
Still haven't. 

I will admit my faith has a lot to do with this.


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## txlady (Apr 18, 2012)

"It is of no benefit being married to you"

This hurt more than him saying to my face rather forcefully 
"I don't love you"


All of this sucks....


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

I felt like death all day..in pain, vomiting...home with a 2 year old and a 5 month old with no one else to call but my husband for help....I was begging and pleading for him to come home...he kept putting me off for a end of day meeting...after 12 hours I was severely dehydrated, dry heaving, in tears, barely able to walk..it was all I could do to keep the kids fed and diapered during the day... he finally came home...loaded us up into the car to go to the ER...and he decided that he HAD to eat(I packed him a lunch, and he is fed all day long as he went from customer to customer for work)...so he went to the Wendy's drive thru..we waited in line to order, waited for him to get his food...he made me unwrap his food and hand it to him....and then he took me to the ER...I had an infected gall bladder...they could barely find a vein to get a IV into .....they sent me into surgery after a heavy dose of anti-biotics...and had to keep me there for 3 days to stabilize my blood pressure after surgery....and when they called him to come pick me up..it took him 4 hours to get around to picking me up..after complaining that the baby refused to eat for him the entire time I was in the hospital...he didn't have to say anything...his actions or lack of spoke volumes.


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## donedonedone (Jun 14, 2012)

had major abdominal surgery..cut from hip to hip with drains and all. husband was great for the first 2 days then came in bedroom and said he was sick and going to bed. I layed their on morphine unable to move and cried so he angrily called his family to take the youngest and then he went to bed and left me for 24 hours with no help. so friends came by with food and gatorade...thats the good part. 
he was very very angry that I had not asked him how he was feeling?! he left the house and came back 2 days later. throwing all the bills wildly around the house then came up to me while I lay completely helpless, on morphine in a physical pain so bad I cant even put it into words. he said "you are a selfish *****. you are a bad human being and an all around bad person. I am going to destroy you. I am taking the baby from you and I am going to have your 12 year old son get up on the stand and testify against you about what a bad mother you are. you are a terrible mother and a horrible wife. all the cooking and cleaning meant nothing to me. you are a poorer stupider version of your family. I will spend thousands to anilate you. you ****ing evil ****" 
you are probably wondering if I was just dreaming this but I actually had the brains (not sure how) to turn my IPhone on when he started throwing the papers around. so actually... no unfortunately this wasnt a bad dream. this IS my real life nightmare
I still 4 months later feel like I was deeply traumatized by this event.


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## lilymoon (Jun 4, 2012)

DoneDoneDone... that is horrible. I believe you. My STBXH says stuff like that all the time to me, in front of our son, and in texts. But then, he apologizes a few hours later and says that I need to forgive him. Which I do, then it just starts back up again the next day, or sometimes a few hours later. It is traumatizing - especially for me, because I've been going through it for 4 years and it's intensified over the last 4 months- every day for the last 4 months I get to hear what a horrible person I am... yet, he still wants me. Go figure. Yeah, well he can go figure that all out somewhere else because I'm done listening to it and our son no longer needs to hear it.


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## anewchapter (Jun 14, 2012)

I've heard a ton of harsh things. A few examples:

"If you don't do (insert whatever he wanted me to do), I will go [email protected] another woman."

"I fantasize about strangling and killing you. It's not any worse than fantasizing about someone else during sex."

"Go ahead and divorce me. I will just find another woman to marry and have kids with."

During a conversation when I try to respond, I've heard, "Don't interrupt me.", "What do you have to say that's important? You don't anything worth hearing."

"if you divorce me, I will be nicer than your ex(who I had a nasty custody battles with.) But don't be surprised if I call DCF repeatedly and I go for custody of the kids, since I am the better parent."

"I'd rather jerk off than f*ck you."

"Who's going to want a woman with six kids and multiple fathers? All they will want is sex. That's all you have to offer."

"Why are you still with me if I am such an a$$hole? It sounds like you need to chose whether to stay and deal with it or be a big girl and leave. Why are you so stupid?"


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## Rawrdonstein (Jun 14, 2012)

During intercourse: Ugh can we hurry this up. ( Said multiple times)
made me a speed f*cker

my online friends are my real friends not you

Me: This isn't fair
Her: Well not for you

Me: Wanna go have a drink?
Her: NO!
I go to the store come back and she is drinking while playing a game.

Me: I'm better off without you
Her:Why would you say that?


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Rawrdonstein said:


> During intercourse: Ugh can we hurry this up. ( Said multiple times)
> made me a speed f*cker
> 
> my online friends are my real friends not you
> ...


Buddy, your ex was an MMO player too?!


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## Rawrdonstein (Jun 14, 2012)

Yep. Left me because of it too, well it and some guy she met on it lol...


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Wow, mine was pretty much the same. Well, we had a lot of other problems but the MMO playing started to become her 'solution' to our problems. Burying her face in it day in and day out.

She originally met someone on a game back before we met, then she went to visit him .. came back and met me. We started a family and through the years she kept getting in contact with him.

Obvious trust issues were created, from me snooping and her continuing to reach out to this ex boyfriend. Then she started getting involved in other games pretty heavily, planned a trip this summer to go meet them which I was not allowed to go on.

I finally flipped out on her after it all. She was talking on the headset all the time, all of a sudden her phone was never away from her side. Data usage on her phone went through the roof and even now when I see her on kid exchanges that phone isn't far from her.

This was the same stuff she did previous to us meeting but now it's a lot worse (especially seeing how I'm on the receiving end).

We used to play the games together as a hobby, but over the years I started to dislike the amount of time spent on there. Played a ton when I was missing work etc .. which of course now is all my fault and I'm the lazy SOB who never wanted to work. Meanwhile, there was hardly a complaint with me being around all the time.

Like you, I think she met someone on there .. if not her ex and has been having the EA of a lifetime. 

Fantastic feeling, isn't it..


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

anewchapter said:


> I've heard a ton of harsh things. A few examples:


Your husband is a psychopath. Look it up.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

I guess my ex was especially evil....

Along with the words that most have heard, my "Hell of an ex-wife" did this;

The day she moved out, she basically took everything in the house except one thing; her wedding dress hanging in the closet. I damn near passed out from the hurt of that...

A month later, she divorced me in 24 hours time after I signed the divorce papers. Total. She works at a court house and personally walked the paperwork up to a judge to sign. I found out I was divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage sitting at a stoplight in my truck when the heartless b*tch texted me the message that she just had the decree signed and to "have a good life"...


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

from my stbxh

"I love you", "I don't know if I'm in love you" ~ after asking him

"We can be friends with benefits if you want"

"If we have sex, it is just that"

"You're acting like a child" ~ while I was trying to have a civil conversation with him

"Stop crying I can't talk to you when you're like that"

"You're being desperate" ~ wanting to work out our marriage conversation


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

frigginlost said:


> I guess my ex was especially evil....
> 
> Along with the words that most have heard, my "Hell of an ex-wife" did this;
> 
> ...


And I just thought that my STBXW was especially cruel! But then again, the D isn't actually over until the fat lady sings, or so I've heard. So there's still ample time for her to pull shenanigans of that nature! I'm always watching my back!

My heart goes out to you FL! I really think that if you were to look under the definition of the word "B_tch" in Webster's, you'd richly find your ex's picture posted there. It fits!

All you can do is hope that in some juncture of her sorry life, that she will come to reap the dividends that she so aptly deserves! Hang in there, FL!


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## MeetVirginia (Feb 17, 2012)

"You are a horrible shrew"
"You are a horrible mother"
and he tried to hit me over the head with a kayak ore because I wasnt rowing right....in the middle of the Carribian sea....
....and he doesnt understand why that hurts and why i didnt want to trust him, do things with him, or have sex with him....


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## E8H3 (May 7, 2012)

My STBX said recently to a couple friends that I hadn't had sex with him but 20 times the whole time we've been married (3 yrs) and that's what drove him to look for someone else. They said they were sooo sorry for him. That killed me.

Other than that, I've been called a b*tch, c*nt, white trash, you name it, and then 5 min later I've been told I'm the most special, most intelligent person he's ever met.

I've also been told I'm fat, lazy, when I'm the only one working 2 jobs and he's unemployed, and I STILL make time to get my workout in 5x a week.

Oh, and a prude since I wasn't attracted to him any more after all the mean things he says to me.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> And I just thought that my STBXW was especially cruel! But then again, the D isn't actually over until the fat lady sings, or so I've heard. So there's still ample time for her to pull shenanigans of that nature! I'm always watching my back!
> 
> My heart goes out to you FL! I really think that if you were to look under the definition of the word "B_tch" in Webster's, you'd richly find your ex's picture posted there. It fits!
> 
> All you can do is hope that in some juncture of her sorry life, that she will come to reap the dividends that she so aptly deserves! Hang in there, FL!


Yup, she's a peach! 

I also loved after all of the BS she had the gall to say that she wanted to remain friends...

Let's see, the one person on this earth that I never thought would hurt me, ended up hurting me more than any other person ever did. Yeah... that's the kind of a person I want as a "friend".



Hang in there yourself, buddy!


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## Rawrdonstein (Jun 14, 2012)

UpnDown said:


> Wow, mine was pretty much the same. Well, we had a lot of other problems but the MMO playing started to become her 'solution' to our problems. Burying her face in it day in and day out.
> 
> She originally met someone on a game back before we met, then she went to visit him .. came back and met me. We started a family and through the years she kept getting in contact with him.
> 
> ...


What feels great to me is, I am doing better now than I did when I was with her. I wouldn't have traded my marriage for anything but that was not my choice. The OM doesn't know what he is in for. But yea I have almost the same exact story. We played together I stopped playing and just joined in casually every now and then. Wasn't long after i quit that I noticed weird behavior but I didn't follow my gut and see the red flags for what they were. Lesson learned. lol


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