# IC and how it can help before MC



## msrv23

Hi guys, some time ago we tried MC as we’ve been through a very difficult phase, perhaps the worst in our relationship. We went to two different counselors (I’ve shared the experience in older posts) and it never really worked out. It felt like some who said what, and how we could have communicated instead of digging deeper.

Fast forward, some time later I’ve decided to do IC. We did a few sessions of IC with the second counselor but now that I think about it, it’s probably not helpful.

After many sessions of IC I’ve been working on myself and my own issues. I’ve been feeling much better since then, a journey of rediscovery of my own happiness and unblocking from past childhood conditioning.
I also started to take antidepressants, to improve my emotional state. It seemed to have helped me feel ok again faster whenever something upsets me, as well as not feeling too affected by negative feelings and thoughts.

Recently my husband also started IC. We realized that he is not in touch with his feelings, there are blocked issues to be worked out as well.

IMO, IC can be more helpful than MC since for a relationship to be healthy, each individual has to be healthy first. In our case, each of our issues also contributed to the conflicts and hurts.

I’ve realized that because I was used to lack of sensitivity and harshness during childhood, I saw our relationship’s lack of it as normal. We see what we are used to as normal, as we never experienced better. Even so, I couldn’t feel happy yet I couldn’t fully see why.
My husband on the other hand is not a real cold person. But he reacts negatively because that’s how he learned about emotions, just like many. He reacts defensively, and because he is not in touch with his own emotions, he doesn’t know how to empathize nor deal with other people’s feelings.

I guess that only time can tell how we will be, but I have learned that in hope that he could be more understanding of my feelings, somehow I adapted and changed myself to make things work and yet it makes me feel miserable at times.
Now I’ve learned to open up and be more me, and if we grow apart or stronger only time can tell, yet each of us deserve happiness and he also deserves to be himself.

I just wanted to share this because it seems that IC can work better before MC in some cases. Even if you feel you don’t have much issues, it may be worth a try because our issues are often blind to us.

I hope this can help others.


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## StillSearching

IC will help you find you way out of dark places.
I actually think IC is much more valuable than MC.
I been through both many times....


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