# Why does my husband always tell me he loves me but now he says he does not?



## nmm2 (Aug 12, 2009)

I am really confused and scared about what might happen with my marriage. I have been with my husband now for 5 years. Three years as a couple and 2 married. We have twin daughters that are a year old now. We have had our ups and downs in the past, but we always get through them. 
Just the past couple of months both myself and my husband have been having a rough time. I am willing to admit that i was not giving him all the support and appreciation that he needed from me. I was so stressed from staying home with my daughters all day and never seeing my husband anymore i was taking everything out on him. He works so much overtime to get our family by on these tough times. We barely see eachother only to sleep and on his one day off. I understand that he is tired also. 
Recently i have been wanting to spend time with him. Like we used to. We used to watch movies, drink together, play board games, go out, etc. And when i asked him to watch movies or do something together he would always say he was too tired or whatever excuse he could come up with. Then on his days off he started telling me he was going to hang out with his guy co-workers and i am very trusting so i let him go with his friends whenever he wants. So just last week i found out he cheated on me with these friends that he has. He did tell me it was a one night stand kind of thing and he told me everything on how it happened and so forth and that he really regretted it. I was devasted and told him fine i am willing to get through this and make our marriage work. He agreed that night after talking and so forth, then he went back to work the next day and when he got home he told me nevermind i do not love you anymore and i do not have feelings for you. He told me he cared about me as the mother of his children, but that he does not have feelings for me. I told him how could that be when you just told me this morning that you love and appreciate everyhting that i do for our family. Then he said nope i cant do this anymore i want a divorce. So now that is where we are. 
Now he is still in the house living with me and our daughters and still sleeps in the bed with me. I will mention also out of desperation that i have tried putting on lingerie and it worked and we made love and he actually is voluntarily doing it. But then the next morning he will turn around and say something like i am moving out or dont worry i am going to file the divorce. So i am so confused?! 
When it comes to sex we dont do it as often as before because like i previously mentioned i am stressed and he is stressed. But we do and when we do he always seemed so happy so i just dont know what i am doing wrong or whether i should just let him go or what?! I did make an appointment to see a counselor, which he was not happy about but he agreed to go. So i guess my question is... IS WHAT SHOULD I DO?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

He is not comitted at all. Don't blame yourself. You've been bringing up twins!!!! And they are only just 1 year old?

You need to get him in a corner and talk to im about not giving up so easily when you have been looking after two infants all by your self.

If he isn't intersted in working on it at all... well, you should definetely go to a marriage councellor and the first thing you need to bring up is 
1. you have baby twins
2. he has had several affairs
3. He is randomly bringing up divorce.

Dont blame yourself. He is being a Cad and and player and an immature bastard, by the sounds of things.

Congratulations to you for bringing up two healthy babies.

At this stage of deterioration, everything is a cloud of WTF.

You need space from him and vice versa and you nee an intermediatry like a councellor to help you through things.

Find one, book him in, get some space, pamper yourself a little...

Godd luck,

Overit


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## moongoddess (Aug 13, 2009)

I just keep thinking that you are living from fear. You can't let him call the shots. Why is he the one deciding your future? You need to tell him to get out until he figures out what he wants. Sorry to say it, but i suspect it's the game of all this that is keeping him entertained. He's obviously seeing someone else, then sleeping with you, probably lying to the other person too. He needs a wake up call and you need to care about yourself. You are gonna make yourself sick going back and forth. It's scary but this is out of your hands, if it's meant to be, he will realize what he has with you and stop hurting you over and over again. If i were you I'd do some detective work and find out who his girlfriend is. It might help you to see his deception for yourself, so you can see he's not being true to you.


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