# Getting a similar reaction as a stranger would. possible?



## tryingtobegood

Hello all, i just made my first post on a thread that started back in 2013 and decided that because of how much it bothers me i would start a tread about it.

Here is what happened a year or so ago. My wife and i are out on a couples date night. My wife was 37. The waiter (definitely not attractive and the first time we saw him) asks us what we wanted to drink and she says a tequila sunrise. Well he asks her for ID and she just blurted out "thank you i could kiss you". I have said things like how young she looks, you don't age, baby face, and all i get is a smile and a thank you with a "yeah right" facial expression.

So i ask, how are we to make our wives feel young? :scratchhead:


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## over20

I think you sound like a very thoughtful husband and are saying the right things already. It is up the her though to make herself FEEL young. She can exercise, reduce stress, wear trendy clothes and most importantly (at least I feel) is her MENTAL attitude. At any age you can teach yourself to be young at heart. I think you can just see it on some people in their face and especially their eyes glow with joy.


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## Cleigh

I personally don't think it means the same when it comes from a partner. I love that my man says nice things about me but it never hits home until someone else says it. Your partner is meant to tell you sweet nothings, so coming from someone else it hits home.


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## tryingtobegood

Yeah i get that, perhaps if we said it with real intensity and of course mean it?


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## over20

It sounds like you mean it though? right? I have to ask did she apologize to you for saying "I could kiss you" to the waiter? I think that was disrespectful to you.


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## richie33

When I compliment my wife I still see she appreciates it. But I do believe it means more to her when she sees someone she hasn't seen in awhile give her a compliment like " I can't believe you have two kids" or things of that nature.


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## richardsharpe

Good morning all
While compliments from a long term partner are very nice, there is also something very satisfying about getting an unexpected compliment from a stranger.


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## over20

I see your point Richard, and I have to say you are always sooo polite and friendly with your greetings 

On the flip side though, I find my husbands compliments to mean MORE to me because he also knows of my flaws. The stranger doesn't.


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## Philat

Cleigh said:


> I personally don't think it means the same when it comes from a partner. I love that my man says nice things about me *but it never hits home until someone else says it.* Your partner is meant to tell you sweet nothings, so coming from someone else it hits home.


Sorry, Cleigh, but I think this is a pretty poor attitude. Really taking your partner for granted. My W used to do the same thing--as a matter of fact she used to say "You don't count" in these situations! Not until I let her know how bad this sounded did she change her tune.


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## lifeistooshort

I get lots of compliments from my hb and I love them, but when a stranger says something they're not biased. Aren't you guys always telling us that we're attractive to you in part because you love us? So while we love and appreciate that it also makes you a little biased -

A stranger doesn't know me and isn't invested in me so his/her opinion is unbiased.

But it still means a ton coming from you so keep it up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat

lifeistooshort said:


> I get lots of compliments from my hb and I love them, but when a stranger says something they're not biased. Aren't you guys always telling us that we're attractive to you in part because you love us? So while we love and appreciate that it also makes you a little biased -
> 
> A stranger doesn't know me and isn't invested in me so his/her opinion is unbiased.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry, but this really does anger me. A stranger's compliment means more than your SO's just because they are a stranger.... 

And just because the stranger is unbiased in the sense you mean does not mean they do not have an angle: angling for a tip, angling to make a sale, angling to seduce.


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## lifeistooshort

Philat said:


> I'm sorry, but this really does anger me. A stranger's compliment means more than your SO's just because they are a stranger....
> 
> And just because the stranger is unbiased in the sense you mean does not mean they do not have an angle: angling for a tip, angling to make a sale, angling to seduce.




Wow, you read way too much into that. I never said it meant more, I implied it was different. That's all. And I could give a crap what the strangers angle is because I have no investment in him.

I give random compliments to people all the time just to brighten their day; more people should do that.

My dad used to tell me I was smart and awesome all the time, he was my dad after all and a little biased. Does the fact that he was biased mean his compliments didn't mean as much? Of course not, what a ridiculous implication.

You clearly have some anger and i'm sorry for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat

lifeistooshort said:


> Wow, you read way too much into that. *I never said it meant more, I implied it was different. * That's all. And I could give a crap what the strangers angle is because I have no investment in him.
> 
> I give random compliments to people all the time just to brighten their day; more people should do that.
> 
> 
> 
> You clearly have some anger and i'm sorry for that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK, my apologies for misinterpreting your meaning.


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## lifeistooshort

Philat said:


> OK, my apologies for misinterpreting your meaning.


No worries, we're good -
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2

When someone feels so compelled to compliment that they forget convention it is probably sincere. They really felt that way. They may even feel embarrassed they blurted it out. 

That feels good.

It just does.

If your husband compliments toy all the time our of habit it loses something. If he never does it... If he only does it when he wants something...

The guy who genuinely means it and says it regularly... dunno. Maybe it isn't believed even though it is sincere. Why not? Either she didn't believe because she doesn't feel it reflects reality or you say it too much and it has lost its punch.

The occasional sincere compliment is worth its weight.


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## tryingtobegood

over20 said:


> It sounds like you mean it though? right? I have to ask did she apologize to you for saying "I could kiss you" to the waiter? I think that was disrespectful to you.


Yeah i mentioned that it hurt and she said sorry. In our discussion about it she said its' nice to hear it from me but it's different from someone else. I guess it is......

I guess i am wanting to be something i never could, the ultimate fantasy man to my wife. Oh well, i know she loves me to death.


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## over20

tryingtobegood said:


> Yeah i mentioned that it hurt and she said sorry. In our discussion about it she said its' nice to hear it from me but it's different from someone else. I guess it is......
> 
> I guess i am wanting to be something i never could, the ultimate fantasy man to my wife. Oh well, i know she loves me to death.


We ALL make mistakes with our spouses, sometimes we talk first before acting honorably.....Is there something else going on?


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## over20

clipclop2 said:


> When someone feels so compelled to compliment that they forget convention it is probably sincere. They really felt that way. They may even feel embarrassed they blurted it out.
> 
> That feels good.
> 
> It just does.
> 
> If your husband compliments toy all the time our of habit it loses something. If he never does it... If he only does it when he wants something...
> 
> The guy who genuinely means it and says it regularly... dunno. Maybe it isn't believed even though it is sincere. Why not? Either she didn't believe because she doesn't feel it reflects reality or you say it too much and it has lost its punch.
> 
> The occasional sincere compliment is worth its weight.




A spouse can give to MANY compliments? :scratchhead: I respectfully disagree. One is married to another for ideally a lifetime, why not feed and shower them with compliments, especially if the receiving spouses love language is "talk/acts of service?".....giving regular compliments to one IS an ACT of service...


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## clipclop2

Yes a spouse can give too many compliments.

Do you feed and shower your spouse with them?


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## richardsharpe

Good evening over20
At least for me its a different sort of effect. When your partner says something nice, especially if you have been together a long time it means something very special and important.

If a stranger tosses you a compliment it provides a quick but short lasting thrill. A chocolate, rather than a meal. 

It helps support that feeling that you are with your partner because you WANT to be with them, not have any creeping doubt that maybe no one else would have you. (I think in an ideal relationship, each partner feels that they have their pick of a huge number of people - but have chosen the person they are with). 



over20 said:


> I see your point Richard, and I have to say you are always sooo polite and friendly with your greetings
> 
> On the flip side though, I find my husbands compliments to mean MORE to me because he also knows of my flaws. The stranger doesn't.


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## over20

clipclop2 said:


> Yes a spouse can give too many compliments.
> 
> Do you feed and shower your spouse with them?


Yes, I do!  I tell him how proud I am of him for providing for me and our children. I tell him how good looking he is as an older man and that I still find him sexy...(i.e. nice arzz, sexy eyes, great shoulders). I thank him for remaining sexually pure in a very tempting profession. I tell him how smart he is for knowing how to fix our cars and home on top of knowing medicine.....

I adore him and never want him to be starved for affection or words of praise....


In turn he thanks me for being his "number one fan and blonde angel"


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## treyvion

over20 said:


> I see your point Richard, and I have to say you are always sooo polite and friendly with your greetings
> 
> On the flip side though, I find my husbands compliments to mean MORE to me because he also knows of my flaws. The stranger doesn't.


You are the right kind of wife. You know in a bar environment people are going to be hit on, it means no big deal and they will do it to the next woman if you weren't there. Your husbands remarks and actions carry much more weight, when like your seeing to some in the world, the strangers remarks and actions carry much more weight and power.


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## over20

treyvion said:


> You are the right kind of wife. You know in a bar environment people are going to be hit on, it means no big deal and they will do it to the next woman if you weren't there. Your husbands remarks and actions carry much more weight, when like your seeing to some in the world, the strangers remarks and actions carry much more weight and power.


Exactly....to my husband I am "the" one in a million...to other men I am one "of" a million.


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## lifeistooshort

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening over20
> At least for me its a different sort of effect. When your partner says something nice, especially if you have been together a long time it means something very special and important.
> 
> If a stranger tosses you a compliment it provides a quick but short lasting thrill. A chocolate, rather than a meal.
> 
> It helps support that feeling that you are with your partner because you WANT to be with them, not have any creeping doubt that maybe no one else would have you. (I think in an ideal relationship, each partner feels that they have their pick of a huge number of people - but have chosen the person they are with).


Well we need regular meals to be in optimal health. But what kind of life would we have without a little chocolate? Now if you're eating chocolate all the time that not good for you but a little here and there is lovely.


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## treyvion

over20 said:


> Exactly....to my husband I am "the" one in a million...to other men I am one "of" a million.


They don't have easy access to you, the hubs does. Also you don't blindly trust them or their motives or intentions, because they are NOT your man. I know the mindset.


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## over20

treyvion said:


> They don't have easy access to you, the hubs does. Also you don't blindly trust them or their motives or intentions, because they are NOT your man. I know the mindset.


:iagree:


I think that's how it's suppose to be though.


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## over20

lifeistooshort said:


> Well we need regular meals to be in optimal health. But what kind of life would we have without a little chocolate? Now if you're eating chocolate all the time that not good for you but a little here and there is lovely.


I think the difference is between SEEKING chocolate or CHOCOLATE seeking you.........the latter, one can not help.


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## treyvion

over20 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> I think that's how it's suppose to be though.


Well we know from TAM that there are a lot of situations, and sometimes the situation our spouse desired was not something e would have signed up for.

IE: the husband or wife may have been a literal manniguan stand-in to their life. Not your life, their life. So all that damage and bumps you should have been gracious to accept.

My preferred relationship format is more of your style.


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## clipclop2

by comparison it doesn't seem like your husband is showering you with the same sort of compliments. his compliments to you are to say thank you for making him feel good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20

clipclop2 said:


> by comparison it doesn't seem like your husband is showering you with the same sort of compliments. his compliments to you are to say thank you for making him feel good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead: I don't understand? Do you really, want to know how else he compliments me?. I only shared a few examples for arguments sake.


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## clipclop2

No, it is ok. The comparison incompliments just seemed curious but it doesn't really matter if you are happy.


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## Good Guy

A waiter complimenting a woman is like a prostitute telling a man he's the best lover in the world.


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