# Drawing A Line In The Sand...



## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

My DW and I have been married for just over 2.5 years and it is my second marriage and her first marriage. I am 40 years old while she is 33 and she wants kids NOW.

However, many months ago, I told her that I did not want to start a family until a couple things happened...

1) She took care of something professionally that she has been putting off and that would allow her to advance in her career or even start her own business.

2) She got in very good shape in order to not only best handle the pregnancy but be able to bounce back from it quickly, particularly since she seems insistent on two children.

Things have been very tense the last couple months and each time we have sex there is a near 50/50 chance that there will be post sex drama because I did not ejaculate inside her. Yet, week after week, month after month, is going by and I don't see her holding up her end of the bargain.

Her salary has been nearly split in half since the two of us have been together (just under 3.5 years) and it has made things increasingly difficult, financially.

I think if I was out half my salary that she would expect me to do whatever I could to increase my career opportunities and if I was the one pushing for children but not doing what I had promised that she may also be of my same mindset and not give me what I want.

Now, it has come to the point where sex is growing less frequent (from nearly every day, down to about every other day) but I can tell her heart is not in it most of the time and sometimes it seems like she even tries NOT to climax as if it is a way to punish me, although she is rarely successful.

She has taken to villifying me to her friends and even to her family and my own family but I lead an active lifestyle (although I am not perfect by any means) and I expect the same out of my partner and in the first couple years she was totally on board with this and even ran a few full marathons with me (as recently as earlier this year, actually).

My first wife went from a size 4 to about a size 18 and on a 5'3" frame and I will never EVER repeat that horror, again. My wife is frustrated because she is a size 8 and is 5'7" and is not "fat", but she was a size 4 and super hot for about half the time we've been together so I am not so keen on seeing her get pregnant until she gets back in better shape and she does what she needs to do professionally and, if she really applied herself, she could do both within 3 months, max.

Instead, she is now very resentful and justifies not working out more or getting the professional thing done due to the time she spends on the household...but, in my mind, if she advanced professionally, we'd have a housekeeper here every weekend and her workload would be cut in half. It has been very hard as my ex-wife, for all her other faults, did make about triple what my second wife makes and she was an amazing cook, as well (which I guess will get one to a size 18 if they aren't careful and active!).

As far as I'm concerned, I've led a very fulfilling life thus far without children and while I do want a child with her, and will love that child to death, she has to fulfill her own promises rather than just flaking out.

While this may make me an "*******" in the minds of many, particularly women, again, think about if the shoe was on the other foot and it was the husband who was not doing the things he promised to do...would you just give in and give him what he wanted or would you hold him to his promises?

Has anybody else had any similar experiences? A great long weekend in NYC was just ruined when my mother in law excitingly told my wife that my wife's first cousin was now second with her second baby and that they conceived in NYC last month...needless to say, we weren't intimate last night as we would have been, otherwise, and we weren't intimate tonight, making it three straight nights, which is about a long a dry streak as we ever have and things are just getting more and more tense.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> What if she doesn't want to do that professional thing you want her to? What if she is happy with her weight (size 8 at her height is healthy)? Where is her right to self-determination?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

She has this very right you mention. She is NOT oppressed. But, I am exercising my own right to self determination by not procreating with her until I have peace of mind that she is in shape for a healthy pregnancy and post pregnancy and that she did what has been her goal to do professionally for the last four years. She is not happy at a Size 8 and says as much yet I am a bad guy (in her eyes) for wanting her to take charge and get herself back in shape.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hunter_aussie (Nov 7, 2011)

I am a woman and understand some things where you are coming from. Everybody was attracted to their partner as they were, and over time body sizes change (usually up) and this can lead to a downslide in attraction. However, you are supposed to love your partner for who they are, not what they look like. You can encourage them to lose weight, but not put them down. This only leads to resentment from her and makes her feel inferior. You don't want your wife to feel like that do you? If she doesn't lose weight and you can't handle it, then leave. Don't keep putting expectations on her about her looks when it is her body and her decision.
It seems to me you want certain things from her with her job and her looks, and because you stated that in the beginning. Marriage is all about compromise and growing along the way so maybe you need to remember things cannot always be perfect for you and what you have is what you have now. 
Do not bring children into the mix until you are both at a place you need to be.
So my advice, encourage her to lose weight if she wants to, and advance her career, if she wants to, it may be your approach isn't working. Be supportive. 
Remember it's about compromise. And don't compare her to your ex-wife. Every woman is different and it seems you also need to get your ego down a bit and respect her for who she is.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I don't fault you for not wanting to bring kids into a household that you don't feel is ready for kids.

My big worry would be that there is a serious communication issue here or something - your wife is behaving as if she is equating meeting your requested needs as punishment. And I wouldn't be surprised if she was interpreting your demands as a power play.

What happens when she takes 3 months to get where she needs to be to have her kids, so you have two babies and your bargaining chips go out the window? 

The real issue is not the weight or the job IMO. I don't think you are drawing a line in the sand, I think you are both digging your heels in the sand and finding reasons not to give each other what you need/want.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> My wife is frustrated because she is a size 8 and is 5'7" and is not "fat", but she was a size 4 and super hot for about half the time we've been together so I am not so keen on seeing her get pregnant until she gets back in better shape and she does what she needs to do professionally and, if she really applied herself, she could do both within 3 months, max.


Woooaaaahhhhhh Nellie!!! Hold your horses! I am 5'7" and wear size 8 Jeans, Medium shirt, size 7 shoe. I am perfectly healthy with no cholesteral issues, no blood pressure issues, etc. I am 41 years old and I have one child. Before I had my child, I was a size 6 Jeans....the rest was the same. I only gained 30 lbs during my pregnancy, and I've done great to get the weight off. Depending on the maker of the jeans, I can wear a size 6, and if I "suck it in" I CAN squeeze into a 4. :rofl:

That being said, you are being an azz to your wife. She sounds like she is in great health. You, on the other hand, sound like you're into skin and bones. Size 4 is SMALL on a 5'7" frame. And now your wife is very resentful towards you and, quite frankly, I don't blame her. 

STOP COMPARING THE NEW WIFE TO THE OLD WIFE.  Also, when she has the baby, she won't be making $$ anyway; she'll be home tending to a new born. You sound like an immature control freak. PLEASE do not have kids with this woman. Just cut her loose, so she can find someone who loves her JUST the way she is - she sounds perfect to me.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

southern wife said:


> Woooaaaahhhhhh Nellie!!! Hold your horses! I am 5'7" and wear size 8 Jeans, Medium shirt, size 7 shoe. I am perfectly healthy with no cholesteral issues, no blood pressure issues, etc. I am 41 years old and I have one child. Before I had my child, I was a size 6 Jeans....the rest was the same. I only gained 30 lbs during my pregnancy, and I've done great to get the weight off. Depending on the maker of the jeans, I can wear a size 6, and if I "suck it in" I CAN squeeze into a 4. :rofl:
> 
> That being said, you are being an azz to your wife. She sounds like she is in great health. You, on the other hand, sound like you're into skin and bones. Size 4 is SMALL on a 5'7" frame. And now your wife is very resentful towards you and, quite frankly, I don't blame her.
> 
> STOP COMPARING THE NEW WIFE TO THE OLD WIFE.  Also, when she has the baby, she won't be making $$ anyway; she'll be home tending to a new born. You sound like an immature control freak. PLEASE do not have kids with this woman. Just cut her loose, so she can find someone who loves her JUST the way she is - she sounds perfect to me.


if you think she perfect then maybe you should marry her.


I think you have some valid concerns .You need to have a talk about some important things. is she going to continue to work after the baby? if she wants to stay home and raise a family are you ok being the sole provider . if not then don't have a baby until you are in agreement on these issues.

from personal experience it sounds like she want to be a stay at home mom. Be prepard even if she says otherwise that when the time comes for her to go back she might fight is and refuse.

and then you will be left holding the bag. stuck between a rock and a hard place all the leverage will be on her side. you can't force her to go back and if she decides to divorce you you will be finacinally responcible for her and the baby.

then you will get to live in a one room apt as she get all your money.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Woooaaaahhhhhh Nellie!!! Hold your horses! I am 5'7" and wear size 8 Jeans, Medium shirt, size 7 shoe. I am perfectly healthy with no cholesteral issues, no blood pressure issues, etc. I am 41 years old and I have one child. Before I had my child, I was a size 6 Jeans....the rest was the same. I only gained 30 lbs during my pregnancy, and I've done great to get the weight off. Depending on the maker of the jeans, I can wear a size 6, and if I "suck it in" I CAN squeeze into a 4. :rofl:
> 
> That being said, you are being an azz to your wife. She sounds like she is in great health. You, on the other hand, sound like you're into skin and bones. Size 4 is SMALL on a 5'7" frame. And now your wife is very resentful towards you and, quite frankly, I don't blame her.
> 
> STOP COMPARING THE NEW WIFE TO THE OLD WIFE.  Also, when she has the baby, she won't be making $$ anyway; she'll be home tending to a new born. You sound like an immature control freak. PLEASE do not have kids with this woman. Just cut her loose, so she can find someone who loves her JUST the way she is - she sounds perfect to me.


While a Size 8 may make you a supermodel in the South, here in L.A., it would make you a plus size model. I don't even mind a Size 6 but a Size 8 PRIOR to pregnancy while she could easily gain 40+ pounds and lose just half or less after childbirth is not a good sign particularly when she hopes to get pregnant the following year with a second child.

As far as being a control freak goes, believe it or not, I am pretty laid back about most things and it is my DW who is giving me countless commands each day...do this, do not do that, etc. And while she is not the most diplomatic in the way she talks to me, she is very thin skinned about the way I talk to her, even when it is in response to when she is speaking abrasively but does not even realize she is doing so.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect her to follow through on her promises rather than for me to dismiss her promises and let her slide.

As far as her quitting work, altogether, not unless she wants our home to go into foreclosure and we move into a place half the cost.

I am finding more and more that much of the problem with our marriage is that she is trying to change me into something I've never been (family man, handy around the house, social butterfly at events).

Meanwhile, she seemingly TEMPORARILY transformed herself in order to hook me and marry me (dropped down to a Size 4, ran a few marathons with me, fulfilled a number of my sexual fantasies, had sex as often as I wanted) but now most of that has gone out the window. Seems to me that she should have kept this going a little longer and then I'd have no qualms about giving her what she wanted but not now when everything is such a challenge and she tries to make me look bad/villifies me in front of others while conveniently leaving out the parts about her own shortcomings.

My first marriage was ruined when my first wife, who I really felt was my soulmate, seemingly gave up and gained 100 pounds and refused to do anything about it. Ultimately, it destroyed the marriage. I cannot and will not go through that again especially when I am not nearly as connected to my second wife as I was to my first wife.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> While a Size 8 may make you a supermodel in the South, here in L.A., it would make you a plus size model. I don't even mind a Size 6 but a Size 8 PRIOR to pregnancy while she could easily gain 40+ pounds and lose just half or less after childbirth is not a good sign particularly when she hopes to get pregnant the following year with a second child.
> 
> As far as being a control freak goes, believe it or not, I am pretty laid back about most things and it is my DW who is giving me countless commands each day...do this, do not do that, etc. And while she is not the most diplomatic in the way she talks to me, she is very thin skinned about the way I talk to her, even when it is in response to when she is speaking abrasively but does not even realize she is doing so.
> 
> ...



Well you won't like my opinion but here goes anyway.

Methinks you'll be on wife #3 soon with that attitude. And you won't stop there... you seem determined to find that perfection that doesn't exist. You come across like a selfish prick of a man who values the trophy wife that he can brag about and show off to others rather than a real person who has their own feelings and goals. 

Maybe she sees you in the same light nowadays. That may explain her 'lack' of drive as you perceive it. She's re-evaluating her choice in saying yes to you and what that really meant. It's cost her more than she had initially estimated.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> While a Size 8 may make you a supermodel in the South, here in L.A., it would make you a plus size model. I don't even mind a Size 6 but a Size 8 PRIOR to pregnancy while she could easily gain 40+ pounds and lose just half or less after childbirth is not a good sign particularly when she hopes to get pregnant the following year with a second child.
> 
> As far as being a control freak goes, believe it or not, I am pretty laid back about most things and it is my DW who is giving me countless commands each day...do this, do not do that, etc. And while she is not the most diplomatic in the way she talks to me, she is very thin skinned about the way I talk to her, even when it is in response to when she is speaking abrasively but does not even realize she is doing so.
> 
> ...


You want to know why the sex has flown the coop? You expect way too much of her. Size 4, please. You have an unrealistic expectation. As women age, their ability to keep off the pounds can be daunting to say the least.

I was a size ZERO pre kids and I'm 5'7, I was also 105 lbs pre kids, sickly stick thin and that was soaking wet.

Now, I'm a decent and healthy 140lbs, good build and a size 8 (whew those size 8's seem to be common don't you think..maybe the new size 4). I have better color too (I was so pale people would ask me if I was a cancer patient in college).

I have no cholesterol issues, no high blood pressure (despite being a smoker..yeah yeah filthy addictive habit I'm working on it), even with my MS\PSVT I am still healthy and hold two jobs.

Want to know how many kids I've had? FIVE!

Yup, shocker. Five kids. I hit my highest weight with the third - 180 lbs and that was a byotch to get off too but I did.

And through all of that, husband only encouraged me. Never demanded of me and never held an overly unrealistic expectation of being what I was compared to what I am now. Still doesn't, I put out more than he can handle.

You see how that works? You demand of her and keep telling her she's over weight, or can't have kids because physically she is not suitable the more her self esteem gets knocked down, the more she feels you aren't attracted to her, the LESS she puts out.

She doesn't have the self esteem and ego boost she needs to be intimate with you now. The real question here is: What are you going to do for her self esteem and ego to want to put out more often?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

To be successful in your marriage you have to love your wife unconditionally. You are loving her conditionally.... Your conditions are that she earns a certain amount of money, and she maintains a certain dress size. Once you put these conditions on your love, your wife will pull away, which she has done.

I recommend against children, not because your wife is too fat but because the underlying structure required for marital sucess is missing.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Well you won't like my opinion but here goes anyway.
> 
> Methinks you'll be on wife #3 soon with that attitude. And you won't stop there... you seem determined to find that perfection that doesn't exist. You come across like a selfish prick of a man who values the trophy wife that he can brag about and show off to others rather than a real person who has their own feelings and goals.
> 
> Maybe she sees you in the same light nowadays. That may explain her 'lack' of drive as you perceive it. She's re-evaluating her choice in saying yes to you and what that really meant. It's cost her more than she had initially estimated.


Perhaps I will be on wife #3 soon, but more likely, I wouldn't be in a huge rush to remarry and would instead be content with more casual relationships that were easier to move on from once the fireworks subsided.

My selfishness is no more pronounced that my DW's selfishness. I mean, really, it is the ultimate act of selfishness to want to have children when so disconnected on other levels with someone. If we cannot get along now before children, what is the likelihood after children?

Not that I am surprised but it is a bit disappointing that the women responding here do not believe that my wife should be accountable for living up to her own promises. I mean I am not asking her to lose 50 pounds and go out and get a license to practice medicine...I am asking her to spend 3 months getting back in the shape she was when we married and a month studying for a credential for an exam that she has now failed 3 or 4x at about $150 a pop. 

If I were a woman writing about my husbands shortcomings, I believe the response would be far different out of the women here.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

CantePe said:


> You want to know why the sex has flown the coop? You expect way too much of her. Size 4, please. You have an unrealistic expectation. As women age, their ability to keep off the pounds can be daunting to say the least.
> 
> I was a size ZERO pre kids and I'm 5'7, I was also 105 lbs pre kids, sickly stick thin and that was soaking wet.
> 
> ...


I appreciate your response and agree with a lot of it...but, while, naturally, I want my wife to be healthy, my penis and eyes do not react to cholesterol levels but rather to the woman that is naked before me.

To me it is a HUGE gamble to just go ahead and get her pregnant now before she lives up to her commitments. Once she is pregnant, her attention will shift 100% to baby stuff and the credential will be put off for years, if ever!

She wants a nice lifestyle so she needs to pull her own weight, so to speak. And, she hooked me not as a Size 8 (or 10 or higher) but rather as a very fit Size 6 and then even got down to a Size 4. Right now, she is a Size 8 but does not have the best muscle tone...trust me, there are Size 8's out there who are rock solid and I'd be more than ok with that but for her, a Size 6 works better. To me, it was an implied contract and now she must at least make an effort to live up to it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wow, I think your 1st marriage has tainted your outlook so poorly that you are now unfairly taking it out on your current wife


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

She is upset because you don't com inside her. How and where do you cum?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> Perhaps I will be on wife #3 soon, but more likely, I wouldn't be in a huge rush to remarry and would instead be content with more casual relationships that were easier to move on from once the fireworks subsided.
> 
> My selfishness is no more pronounced that my DW's selfishness. I mean, really, it is the ultimate act of selfishness to want to have children when so disconnected on other levels with someone. If we cannot get along now before children, what is the likelihood after children?
> 
> ...


Not from me they wouldn't. Plain and simple, you are selfish for the weight thing. What's your weight? Height? Size?

Have you offered to go to the gym together and stay lean and fit together or are you telling her to her own ass to the gym by herself?

You don't get it do you. Your attitude comes off as prickish to her. Who wants to be intimate with a "self centered prick" who brings up her weight ever time they get a chance to. (I'm not calling you a self centered prick I'm just trying to show you how she might be seeing it in her mind...being I am of the female persuasion and female do indeed think like this).

As for education and job status. THAT is NOT an unrealistic expectation. The delivery of the expectation is what is at issue.

Promises, you speak of promises. What happened to *YOUR* promise of in sickness and in health and for better or worse?

You can't expect things of others when you don't do what's expected of you. Can't respect people when you can't respect yourself.

You can't change things if you aren't willing to change yourself.

I see the reverse of what you see. I, quite frankly and in my very humble opinion (while only based on this short thread interaction here) view you as non-marriage material purely based on attitude and the self centered tone of your posts.

Life isn't always going to give us what we want, it's how we respond to what life throws at us that can make us or break us.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

[


> B]Not that I am surprised but it is a bit disappointing that the women responding here do not believe that my wife should be accountable for living up to her own promises. I mean I am not asking her to lose 50 pounds and go out and get a license to practice medicine...I am asking her to spend 3 months getting back in the shape she was when we married and a month studying for a credential for an exam that she has now failed 3 or 4x at about $150 a pop.[/B]


Unless the two of you drew up a contract regarding these items specifically, spelling out the consequences of her breaching said contract, she's allowed to change her mind. People tend to do that, when pushed in areas they no longer see a benefit in. If her focus is on having a family, her career is and has been put on a back burner. You don't like the shift? Well you know what you can do with that.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> She is upset because you don't com inside her. How and where do you cum?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In her face, duh!

:rofl:

No, seriously, if I am having intercourse with her, I pull out and come on her (but not in her) and if she is giving me head, then she usually swallows but not first before figuring out whether I have masturbated or not by the amount of ejaculate that she is swirling around in her mouth.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

CalifGuy said:


> In her face, duh!
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> No, seriously, if I am having intercourse with her, I pull out and come on her (but not in her) and if she is giving me head, then she usually swallows but not first before figuring out whether I have masturbated or not by the amount of ejaculate that she is swirling around in her mouth.


Stop turning me on, just stop it!
Didn't you also post another thread saying you think she is dumb?
Let her move on to someone else and go ferret out wife number 3. Surely there is no common denominator in this scenario.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

CantePe said:


> Not from me they wouldn't. Plain and simple, you are selfish for the weight thing. What's your weight? Height? Size?
> 
> Have you offered to go to the gym together and stay lean and fit together or are you telling her to her own ass to the gym by herself?
> 
> ...


I am likely about 6-7 pounds less today than when we married, and 3-4 pounds less than the day we met and in the best shape I've been in the last 15 years with two of my fastest marathons behind me in just the last 30 days. I am not skinny but she doesn't want skinny. She wants big shoulders, rugby player kind of build, and that is what I am, and capable of running 30+ miles at a time (although a marathon is just 26.2).

She has completed about 10 marathons and for all but one I ran step by step for her the entire way, and I have done plenty of Crossfit classes with her and I am at the gym 4x a week in addition to the running I do (or run at the gym sometimes). However, since the last marathon, 8 months ago, she has put on about a dozen pounds and gone in the wrong direction while all I want is her to spend a couple months going in the right direction and then we can both give each other what we want.

As far as "in sickness and in health goes", procrastinating and putting other projects ahead of studying for and passing her exam doesn't quite qualify, does it? Neither should these projects, in my mind, take precedence over being in shape.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> While a Size 8 may make you a supermodel in the South, here in L.A., it would make you a plus size model.


:lol::rofl:

I highly doubt that. Size 8 is Size 8 not matter where you are. 

So how much do you weigh? How tall are you?


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Stop turning me on, just stop it!
> Didn't you also post another thread saying you think she is dumb?
> Let her move on to someone else and go ferret out wife number 3. Surely there is no common denominator in this scenario.


She is free to leave...I am not keeping her under lock and key. She knows my expectations and I know her expectations.

Obviously, she is not yet ready to be a 34 year old divorcee (she is 33 now) and a 35 or 36 or 37 year old second time bride and a 36, 37 or 38 year old new mommy.

I have a very good relationship with her parents, a good enough relationship with the rest of her family, she gets along great with my family, we have a beautiful home in a nice area (that I have owned for a dozen years and only my name is on title), three dogs, and all the other ingredients for a happy life. My expectations are not out of this world and nothing she has not proven she is capable of very recently. 

She has to do her part, otherwise this won't work and that's really all there is to it. I should not have to lower my expectations and let her slide on her commitments to me and to this marriage. If that makes me a selfish prick, well, so be it, but life is not a dress rehearsal and I know what I want.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Not to pile it on but I feel like it's a little ridiculous that you complain that she vilifies you to her family and friends, yet that is exactly what you are doing to her here.

No one here is saying you can't have reasons for not wanting to have kids, but you are refusing to meet her needs as least as much as she is refusing to meet yours.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Acorn said:


> Not to pile it on but I feel like it's a little ridiculous that you complain that she vilifies you to her family and friends, yet that is exactly what you are doing to her here.
> 
> No one here is saying you can't have reasons for not wanting to have kids, but you are refusing to meet her needs as least as much as she is refusing to meet yours.


How I wish she would only vilify me to strangers who knew neither her nor I, rather than doing it right in front of me.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Do you weigh her every morning to make sure she isn't creeping up on being a size 9?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Soccerfan73 said:


> Do you weigh her every morning to make sure she isn't creeping up on being a size 9?


:lol::rofl::iagree::smthumbup:

And he STILL has not answered about HIS weight, height, and the size clothes HE wears!!!! :scratchhead:


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

OP, not that this is about me at all, but you make me so happy that I left the Land of Plastics 23 years ago. I got sick of the superficiality. I wasn't in LA, I was in the OC. Too much for me. Too much emphasis on what you have, and how skinny you stayed, and how many touch up surgeries you could endure, all for the sake of appearances. It looks good so it must be good! While in reality, behind closed doors, your house (figuratively and generally speaking) was in shambles.

Good luck to you in trying to get your wife to bend to your will. My guess is she's being defiant to spite you. She won't budge any more than you will. Like the North going Zax and the South going Zax you two are in a stare down match.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Soccerfan73 said:


> Do you weigh her every morning to make sure she isn't creeping up on being a size 9?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

I am 5'10" and wear a Waist 33...not skinny but she doesn't want me skinny and I am still in better shape than both when we met and married...and if I was even a half inch shorter she wouldn't want me (and I am sure she wishes I was even an inch or two taller).

As far as putting her on the scale and weighing her goes, I can weigh her with my eyes. It is not merely a weight issue but a fitness issue. I have seen solidly built Size 8 women and if that were the case, there would be no issue with me on the subject.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

You need to know that no matter what shape wife gets into, she can still go to pot after pregnancy and birth. What a woman looks like pre-pregnancy is no guarantee of post.

If she has a loving husband who makes sure she is offered respite from child care and house care and a guy who offers to prepare decent, low cal meals for her and to make sure she has time to be active physically in a sport.....well.....then there is a better chance of things looking 'fine'.

Career wise, she doesn't sound inspired to do it. Find something else that she would love to do.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> I am 5'10" and wear a Waist 33


So she doesn't want you skinny ... but she's okay with your height, although she would probably prefer a six-footer. 

Well, I guess we can't always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we might just find, we get what we need. - LOL!!!

So you are married to someone who is intellectually inferior to you and a less-than-firm size 8 (in your opinion).

I'd suggest you dump current wife, who isn't getting with the program, find a size 4 who has a Ph.D. from Harvard in Physics, and who will be willing to get injected with collagen, botox, and get all the necessary plastic surgery after age 50 in order to maintain that fountain-of-youth beauty you desire. Hey, maybe you can get injected with enough **** to look like Bruce Jenner. 

If this is what you want, go for it. Or just bang a bunch of gorgeous, brainy women. They're out there for the pickin'. Yep, brains, beauty, and a perfect size 4. Happy hunting!


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> So she doesn't want you skinny ... but she's okay with your height, although she would probably prefer a six-footer.
> 
> Well, I guess we can't always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we might just find, we get what we need. - LOL!!!
> 
> ...


:lol:

I can't see where this could possibly go wrong!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Hey, soccer ... I hear Camille Grammer is on the auction block. Oh, wait, she's dumber than dirt! But she is about a size 2 and worth around 25 mil after getting divorced from Kelsey!:lol:


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Just reading the original post...
She says she has not been able to do the things you asked because of the time she spends on the household.

So? How have you negoiated helping her with all that stuff? What chores have you taken on so she has time to do what you want? What did you agree to help her with? Or did you? 

Would you say this may also be the reason why she doesn't participate in marathons anymore? Is she just too burdened with the "household"? What is really going on that has her so full of resentment. What does she have to say.

The weight thing is very personal. Some women look fabulous after pregnancy, and weight is not an issue. Some never ever look the same. There is really no way to tell. If it's a great concern to you, and it bothers you then go with your gut and don't have kids. You will hate her for not looking the same.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

deejov said:


> Just reading the original post...
> She says she has not been able to do the things you asked because of the time she spends on the household.
> 
> So? How have you negoiated helping her with all that stuff? What chores have you taken on so she has time to do what you want? What did you agree to help her with? Or did you?
> ...


She does 90% of the chores bit that is mostly because she is OCD about it. Meanwhile, I am like the best concierge/travel agent ever.
The responses here have been very helpful. I am going to lay off her on the weight and just pray that she handles it. 
At the risk of adding to my popularity here, one thing I am looking forward to after we have a baby is that she absolutely wants a boob job (a pair of double D's) which should be fun.
But, I am going to stay on her about the credential as our livelihood really depends on it...currently I am responsible for about 65% of our income and we are barely making it like this and she was doing much better when we first met but then her commission based income dropped nearly in half.
I do need to accept and embrace her rather than expecting her to ever live up to my ex gf who was 5'8" 128 lbs, a size 4 with the most amazing body ever who worked out religiously 5x a week. And I need to put aside my fears that she will blow up like my first wife did. My first wife never ran a mile yet less the 10 marathons my wife has run.
Thanks for all the feedback.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

CalifGuy said:


> She does 90% of the chores bit that is mostly because she is OCD about it. Meanwhile, I am like the best concierge/travel agent ever.
> The responses here have been very helpful. I am going to lay off her on the weight and just pray that she handles it.
> At the risk of adding to my popularity here, one thing I am looking forward to after we have a baby is that she absolutely wants a boob job (a pair of double D's) which should be fun.
> But, I am going to stay on her about the credential as our livelihood really depends on it...currently I am responsible for about 65% of our income and we are barely making it like this and she was doing much better when we first met but then her commission based income dropped nearly in half.
> ...


You might want to read up on other men here who encouraged their partners to get boob jobs and that was on top of already telling her she wasn't pretty enough/good enough/thin enough/sexy enough just the way she is. Outcome? The women all left for someone else and the men were filled with regret. 
I personally have nothing against plastic surgery whatsoever as long as it is done for the person and not the partner and not done because her self esteem is so low that she will do anything to feel attractive to her partner.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You might want to read up on other men here who encouraged their partners to get boob jobs and that was on top of already telling her she wasn't pretty enough/good enough/thin enough/sexy enough just the way she is. Outcome? The women all left for someone else and the men were filled with regret.
> I personally have nothing against plastic surgery whatsoever as long as it is done for the person and not the partner and not done because her self esteem is so low that she will do anything to feel attractive to her partner.


That's not at all a concern...I truly believe that once we start a family it will truly mean until death do us part, even if that means she puts a hatchet in my head. Lol She wanted cosmetic surgery earlier this year (rhinoplasty) and hasn't left me yet and only held off on the boobs because they may drop slightly after childbirth so she decided to wait.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

Sadly, after reading the OP,all the replies, and reposts....

There is not one ounce of love in this marriage. 

All I hear are demands and requirements. If these were so important to you (since you are on your second marriage).. were these two issues discussed BEFORE you got married? 

You don't love her mind, spirit, and soul... just her body and her earning potential.... and it could very well be that she just married you for your sperm. 

Sad... truly sad...


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> In her face, duh!
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> No, seriously, if I am having intercourse with her, I pull out and come on her (but not in her) and if she is giving me head, then she usually swallows but not first before figuring out whether I have masturbated or not by the amount of ejaculate that she is swirling around in her mouth.


And you pull out because? 

It hurts her that you do it and you don't care. 

Your contempt is massive. I would tell you, your alleged intellect and your jerking off body to drop dead.

Maybe only an alleged stupid woman would marry an arrogant person like you. But one thing is certain, she has enough sense to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

If you don't leave her, she will leave you. I'm pretty sure anyone would, Mr. Personality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> How I wish she would only vilify me to strangers who knew neither her nor I, rather than doing it right in front of me.


I think you are doing a fine job of it yourself. 

The truth hurts. 

Examine yourself. You are a walking, talking flawed personality. How about some therapy or maybe a good ass beating would knock some sense into you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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