# Would you consider this a rejection ladies?



## SMG15

Send a text suggesting a certain activity this week and her reply


"That sounds like a nice evening but I am leaving for vacation on Monday. I am flying out to California"


So what do you think? 

I will give it one more try after this and then I will be done


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## frusdil

I would yes. If I liked a guy and got a text like that I would have said something like "That sounds lovely but I'm going away on Monday. I'm free Thursday though".

Just saying no, I'm leaving and not suggesting alternative says no interest.


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## SMG15

frusdil said:


> I would yes. If I liked a guy and got a text like that I would have said something like "That sounds lovely but I'm going away on Monday. I'm free Thursday though".
> 
> Just saying no, I'm leaving and not suggesting alternative says no interest.



But why not just ignore me? lol That is why it's so confusing

I would think if someone didn't want to see a guy again they would either

1. Ignore him

2. Put him on call reject list

3. Put him on the spam list



I will say that if I don't see her before this month is over I will definitely move on


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## SunnyT

Because it's rude to just ignore you. Just bad manners. 

But ya, since she made it that vague I'd say she isn't interested.


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## EleGirl

Did she indicate when she will be back?


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## Maricha75

Is this the same woman you told you were going to be out of town last week, though you actually weren't, but just had no money? If so, maybe she saw you somewhere around town and thought YOU were blowing HER off.


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Is this the same woman you told you were going to be out of town last week, though you actually weren't, but just had no money? If so, maybe she saw you somewhere around town and thought YOU were blowing HER off.


That is her but now my account has WIGGLE ROOM


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## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Did she indicate when she will be back?


I sent a text asking no response yet so it's looking like a 95% chance we won't see each other again

Definitely not going to BEG a woman to spend my money


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> That is her but now my account has WIGGLE ROOM


You are actually allowing a website DICTATE when you can and cannot take someone on a date?

Ugh... why did I let myself get sucked in, again?


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## Constable Odo

She only said California because "I am leaving for Fiji" (to get away from you) wouldn't have been believable.

You could just set up a lawn chair outside her apartment and hang out, just to make sure.


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You are actually allowing a website DICTATE when you can and cannot take someone on a date?
> 
> Ugh... why did I let myself get sucked in, again?




I don't know what you mean


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## SMG15

Constable Odo said:


> She only said California because "I am leaving for Fiji" (to get away from you) wouldn't have been believable.
> 
> You could just set up a lawn chair outside her apartment and hang out, just to make sure.


Or take a nap outside her job


Actually when I asked her on date 1 was she going anywhere before the summer ends and I do recall her saying California


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## Constable Odo

if you're napping, though, you may miss her leaving work.

Between now and the time she "leaves" for California, you could just follow her around in your car. Assuming she doesn't walk to the train station.

It will help improve your tailing/surveillance skills.


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## SMG15

Constable Odo said:


> if you're napping, though, you may miss her leaving work.
> 
> Between now and the time she "leaves" for California, you could just follow her around in your car. Assuming she doesn't walk to the train station.
> 
> It will help improve your tailing/surveillance skills.



It would be nice if I could meet another girl on her LEVELwhile she is on vacation but she is so damm HOT that I doubt if happens


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## Holland

SMG15 said:


> It would be nice if I could meet another girl on her LEVELwhile she is on vacation but she is so damm HOT that I doubt if happens


Don't sweat the small stuff mate, she is looking for a man on her level and it isn't you. She doesn't need to BEG to spend your money, you don't have any and she seems to be able to afford holidays all the while you have to lie that you were away cos you got no money


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## Constable Odo

SMG15 said:


> but she is so damm HOT that I doubt if happens


This is your problem right here.

See, you need to hook up with a really ugly girl. And, by ugly, I mean just above the threshold where the thought of having sex with her makes you want to projectile vomit.

This really hot chick has way too many options. And you're too far down on the totum pole for her to care about. Sure, she'll allow you to take her out and buy her a free dinner when she has nothing better to bang, but the minute a more attractive penis wanders by... she'd sliding up and down that and forgets your name.

Now, if you find yourself a really ugly girl, she'll be so totally thrilled that you're showing her attention, she will be completely enamored with you. She'll follow you around like a lost puppy dog. She may even allow you to put a collar on her; one with spikes.

28th Dan Relationship Sensei Jimmy Soul Explains This In More Detail


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Send a text suggesting a certain activity this week and her reply
> 
> 
> "That sounds like a nice evening but I am leaving for vacation on Monday. I am flying out to California"
> 
> 
> So what do you think?
> 
> I will give it one more try after this and then I will be done


What exactly did your text say? When is/was this activity your proposed taking place? Next week? Or this weekend?


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> It would be nice if I could meet another girl on her LEVELwhile she is on vacation but she is so damm HOT that I doubt if happens


What do you like about her besides her hotness?


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## SMG15

Well I sent her a text asking her to come over and cuddle and watch movies and order chinese the night before she leaves

If she says no I will delete her number


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## SMG15

Constable Odo said:


> This is your problem right here.
> 
> See, you need to hook up with a really ugly girl. And, by ugly, I mean just above the threshold where the thought of having sex with her makes you want to projectile vomit.
> 
> This really hot chick has way too many options. And you're too far down on the totum pole for her to care about. Sure, she'll allow you to take her out and buy her a free dinner when she has nothing better to bang, but the minute a more attractive penis wanders by... she'd sliding up and down that and forgets your name.
> 
> Now, if you find yourself a really ugly girl, she'll be so totally thrilled that you're showing her attention, she will be completely enamored with you. She'll follow you around like a lost puppy dog. She may even allow you to put a collar on her; one with spikes.
> 
> 28th Dan Relationship Sensei Jimmy Soul Explains This In More Detail



Cancel your internet service


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What exactly did your text say? When is/was this activity your proposed taking place? Next week? Or this weekend?



It was a Free Public Movie showing at the water front and they have stands that sell funnel cake and ice cream that you can eat while sitting outside watching the movie


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What do you like about her besides her hotness?


She is classy, openminded, and very intelligent


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## kristin2349

SMG15 said:


> Well I sent her a text asking her to come over and cuddle and watch movies and order chinese the night before she leaves
> 
> If she says no I will delete her number



You specifically said "cuddle" in your text?


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## NobodySpecial

SMG15 said:


> Well I sent her a text asking her to come over and cuddle and watch movies and order chinese the night before she leaves
> 
> If she says no I will delete her number


I am going to throw up now.


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Cancel your internet service


You, first...


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well I sent her a text asking her to come over and cuddle and watch movies and order chinese the night before she leaves
> 
> If she says no I will delete her number


Cuddle? On third date? You still hardly know her. Yea, that wouldn't be creepy at all. 

Do her a favor. Delete her number now, so you're not tempted to send her a nasty text for rejecting you.


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## SMG15

kristin2349 said:


> You specifically said "cuddle" in your text?


Yes it was one of the things she stated in her profile


So if she says NO then I;m gone


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Yes it was one of the things she stated in her profile
> 
> 
> So if she says NO then I;m gone


Please, please, please. Do her a favor...do it now, rather than waiting.


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Cuddle? On third date? You still hardly know her. Yea, that wouldn't be creepy at all.
> 
> Do her a favor. Delete her number now, so you're not tempted to send her a nasty text for rejecting you.


It's the 3rd time we would see each other so when am I supposed to invite over? Date 7?


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> It's the 3rd time we would see each other so when am I supposed to invite over? Date 7?


My vote would be never, but that's just based on what I see you post here.


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> My vote would be never, but that's just based on what I see you post here.


Maybe I can invite you over, LOL:grin2:


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Maybe I can invite you over, LOL:grin2:


Try it. See how fast my husband beats the sh*t out of you. 

That would, of course, assume I hadn't thrown up already, thus giving you the answer "no f*cking way in hell."


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Maybe I can invite you over, LOL:grin2:


Taking the whole part about my being married out of the equation, there are two issues to your proposition.

1. You don't date women who require the use of a cane due to physical limitations, regardless of age.

2. I wouldn't date a child. I like men who are mature, not little boys who play games and behave like babies when they don't get their way.


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Taking the whole part about my being married out of the equation, there are two issues to your proposition.
> 
> 1. You don't date women who require the use of a cane due to physical limitations, regardless of age.
> 
> 2. I wouldn't date a child. I like men who are mature, not little boys who play games and behave like babies when they don't get their way.


Do you under that I had no control over being turned off when I saw a cane? Plus if she knew I scheduled a date for a certain busy area why the hell would she show up with a cane?

Now if we just was going to go to dinner and thats it then no problem. But my plan was to have dinner and WALK AROUND ALL EVENING


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Do you under that I had no control over being turned off when I saw a cane? Plus if she knew I scheduled a date for a certain busy area why the hell would she show up with a cane?
> 
> Now if we just was going to go to dinner and thats it then no problem. But my plan was to have dinner and WALK AROUND ALL EVENING


Once again, you missed the point. But, I will say it again... she dodged a bullet. I'm glad for her. Your problem is you add the stigma of being old to one who requires a cane. That's what turned you off. It wasn't her. You liked her enough to ask her out again, but because she had the audacity to show up using a cane because it happened that this particular day, she was having more pain... pain that was the result of an accident, and had nothing to do with age. She liked you enough to come to the second date. Fortunately, for her, she was no longer subjected to your attentions. I can guarantee, very few, if any, of those around you were thinking you were out with an old woman. That was your own insecurities, there. If anything, if she was as pleasant, as good looking as you implied about the first date, they were wondering why she was with you. I'm positive, no matter how much you may have tried hiding your contempt, she and all around could still see it. And the men were just waiting to be able to ask her out, themselves. No, you can't control who you are attracted to. But you certainly can control how you behave.

Oh, and I bet she would have been willing to at least try walking, just to enjoy a pleasant evening with you. Your own pride, your own embarrassment prevented that. You weren't merely no longer attracted to her. You were embarrassed to be seen with a woman with a cane.


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## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> Well I sent her a text asking her to come over and cuddle and watch movies and order chinese the night before she leaves
> 
> 
> 
> If she says no I will delete her number



Were you affectionate with this woman when you went out with her before? Any hugging and kissing? 

I don't think most people make plans the night before they go out of town. There's typically last minute preparation that needs to be done or getting a good nights rest depending upon flight time and travel time. 

If I was in a relationship with someone it would make sense that he ask me over to spend time together before I leave. If I've only been on a few causal dates with someone it comes off as inconsiderate to ask me out the night before I leave.


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## SMG15

coffee4me said:


> Were you affectionate with this woman when you went out with her before? Any hugging and kissing?
> 
> I don't think most people make plans the night before they go out of town. There's typically last minute preparation that needs to be done or getting a good nights rest depending upon flight time and travel time.
> 
> If I was in a relationship with someone it would make sense that he ask me over to spend time together before I leave. If I've only been on a few causal dates with someone it comes off as inconsiderate to ask me out the night before I leave.



Tonight or Monday


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## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Well I sent her a text asking her to come over and cuddle and watch movies and order chinese the night before she leaves
> 
> If she says no I will delete her number


That text means "Come over to my place and have sex with me."

99%of women will take it that way.


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Tonight or Monday


Tonight or Monday... what?


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Once again, you missed the point. But, I will say it again... she dodged a bullet. I'm glad for her. Your problem is you add the stigma of being old to one who requires a cane. That's what turned you off. It wasn't her. You liked her enough to ask her out again, but because she had the audacity to show up using a cane because it happened that this particular day, she was having more pain... pain that was the result of an accident, and had nothing to do with age. She liked you enough to come to the second date. Fortunately, for her, she was no longer subjected to your attentions. I can guarantee, very few, if any, of those around you were thinking you were out with an old woman. That was your own insecurities, there. If anything, if she was as pleasant, as good looking as you implied about the first date, they were wondering why she was with you. I'm positive, no matter how much you may have tried hiding your contempt, she and all around could still see it. And the men were just waiting to be able to ask her out, themselves. No, you can't control who you are attracted to. But you certainly can control how you behave.
> 
> Oh, and I bet she would have been willing to at least try walking, just to enjoy a pleasant evening with you. Your own pride, your own embarrassment prevented that. You weren't merely no longer attracted to her. You were embarrassed to be seen with a woman with a cane.



That area I wanted to walk around in was near the water and not for someone with a cane


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## Maricha75

EleGirl said:


> That text means "Come over to my place and have sex with me."
> 
> 99%of women will take it that way.


The other 1% will take it to mean "come over and check out my knife collection"...


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## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Yes it was one of the things she stated in her profile
> 
> 
> So if she says NO then I;m gone


Let me help you here.

When a woman says in her profile that she likes to cuddle, she does not mean to cuddle with a guy that she does not know very well.

She's talking about down the line, after she's in a relationship. Then doing things like cuddling up and talking, watching TV, etc. is a form of non-sexual intimacy that she likes.

It's highly unlikely she meant that she wants to cuddle with some guy she has been out with 2 times.


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> That area I wanted to walk around in was near the water and not for someone with a cane


Why not? I navigate sandy beaches just fine with my cane. I also can walk on rough surfaces with it. Even ice isn't impossible. As long as I wear appropriate shoes, I am fine. Like I said. It is your own insecurities that prejudiced you against this girl, once you saw a _slight_ limitation.


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## kristin2349

Maricha75 said:


> The other 1% will take it to mean "come over and check out my knife collection"...



Yep, we've all seen those movies. Next thing you know you are at the bottom of his well being told to rub the lotion on your skin>


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## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> Do you under that I had no control over being turned off when I saw a cane? Plus if she knew I scheduled a date for a certain busy area why the hell would she show up with a cane?
> 
> 
> 
> Now if we just was going to go to dinner and thats it then no problem. But my plan was to have dinner and WALK AROUND ALL EVENING



I don't know what she might have been thinking accepting your invitation to dinner and a stroll given she uses a cane. Perhaps she was was just looking forward to meeting you and having a nice night out with a nice man, like any non-cane using woman.


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## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> That area I wanted to walk around in was near the water and not for someone with a cane


Did you tell her before the date that you planned to walk a long distance on uneven ground? Did she even know that this was the plan?

Did she feel that she would be ok walking in that area with a cane?

Are you so inflexible that you cannot see that she was in pain and therefore simply talk with her to figure out something else that you two could do? It's not just YOUR date, it's HER date too. So whatever the two of you do should be agreed upon by both of you.

If you cannot show some empathy for a date when they are in pain & injured, then you are not a good potential partner. Why? Because sh!t happens in life. People get sick. They get hurt. A person who cannot show compassion and adjust a bit for a date, friend, or SO/spouse who is having problems beyond their control is not worth the time of day.

How would you expect a woman to respond if you were hurt? How would you feel if you showed up with a cane? How would you feel if she dumped you because you were injured?

.


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## Maricha75

kristin2349 said:


> Yep, we've all seen those movies. Next thing you know you are at the bottom of his well being told to rub the lotion on your skin>


I can honestly say... THAT is one movie I have NEVER seen lol. Really, I have never seen it.


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## Prodigal

I needed a good laugh this morning. Thanks, responders. You've made my day!:grin2:


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> It was a Free Public Movie showing at the water front and they have stands that sell funnel cake and ice cream that you can eat while sitting outside watching the movie


So when did you send her the text, and what night is the movie being shown?


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## Maricha75

Prodigal said:


> I needed a good laugh this morning. Thanks, responders. You've made my day!:grin2:


You are most welcome! We aim to please!


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> The other 1% will take it to mean "come over and check out my knife collection"...


No it doesn't because I actually declined sex last year when I met a girl for the first time. She wanted to have sex and I was like lets not go too far since we just met

I will always remember this moment as long as I live LOL


Me: "come on put your close back on so we can order the food I'm hungry"

Her: "EAT ME



LOL LOL:laugh::laugh:


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## EleGirl

Maricha75 said:


> I can honestly say... THAT is one movie I have NEVER seen lol. Really, I have never seen it.


Believe me, your life is better for not having seen it.

It's a movie that leads to nightmares years later.

(The guy kidnapped young women with good skin. He would kill them, take their skin. He was using it to sew a female skin suit for himself because he wanted to be a woman. Sometimes I worry a lot about the authors who think up and write these movies.)


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## coffee4me

coffee4me said:


> Were you affectionate with this woman when you went out with her before? Any hugging and kissing? .


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## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Did you tell her before the date that you planned to walk a long distance on uneven ground? Did she even know that this was the plan?
> 
> Did she feel that she would be ok walking in that area with a cane?
> 
> Are you so inflexible that you cannot see that she was in pain and therefore simply talk with her to figure out something else that you two could do? It's not just YOUR date, it's HER date too. So whatever the two of you do should be agreed upon by both of you.
> 
> If you cannot show some empathy for a date when they are in pain & injured, then you are not a good potential partner. Why? Because sh!t happens in life. People get sick. They get hurt. A person who cannot show compassion and adjust a bit for a date, friend, or SO/spouse who is having problems beyond their control is not worth the time of day.
> 
> How would you expect a woman to respond if you were hurt? How would you feel if you showed up with a cane? How would you feel if she dumped you because you were injured?
> 
> .


I didn't reveal my plans because I wasn't expecting her to have a cane. I was going to mention it once we arrived


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## Chelle D

I agree with EleGirl.
If she had in a profile that she likes to cuddle, She probably was stating something that was missing (for her) in her last full-time relationship. The act of showing affection without sex.

I honestly would say, don't try to contact her again before her vacation. Let it be what she said, that she is going on vacation.

If you are still interested in a 3rd "getting to know each other" discussion type date with her in a couple of weeks, then I'd say contact her, and ask to take her out again... But give her an out, and explain your financial situation. (I mean, if she's really interested in you, the fact that your account was too low to take her out, wouldn't be a deal breaker to her)..

Something like: "Hey, my funds are built up again, that I can take you out to a movie and some eats. I'd like to go on another date if you're up to it. But if you're just now back from vacation, I can understand if you're too busy."

Then, if she says she's too busy, you know she's either not really interested, and is being polite by letting you down easy, or she was turned off by the walking/funds situation.

If she says "Yes" at that point, then you know she still is interested in getting to know you.


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I didn't reveal my plans because I wasn't expecting her to have a cane. I was going to mention it once we arrived


If she had a cane, she's probably used to using it. And if "by the water" you mean Penn's Landing, there is nothing about that area that would make it impossible, or even difficult to walk with a cane.


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## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> No it doesn't because I actually declined sex last year when I met a girl for the first time. She wanted to have sex and I was like lets not go too far since we just met
> 
> I will always remember this moment as long as I live LOL
> 
> 
> Me: "come on put your close back on so we can order the food I'm hungry"
> 
> Her: "EAT ME
> 
> 
> 
> LOL LOL:laugh::laugh:


What you did/said a year ago with another woman has no bearing on your situation with this new woman. She new woman has no idea what went on a year ago with you.

All she knows is that you sent her a text that sounds like you asked her to come to your place for sex.


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## DayOne

Constable Odo said:


> She only said California because "I am leaving for Fiji" (to get away from you) wouldn't have been believable.
> 
> You could just set up a lawn chair outside her apartment and hang out, just to make sure.


Fiji?

With someone this 'persistent' (in a creepy as F kind of way) pursuing her, she's probably looking into the Mars trip....


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> If she had a cane, she's probably used to using it. And if "by the water" you mean Penn's Landing, there is nothing about that area that would make it impossible, or even difficult to walk with a cane.


Are you joking?????????

You expect me to walk around penn's landing on a friday night with a woman using a cane? NO WAY

I rather we meet at Longhorn in South Philly and have dinner


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## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I didn't reveal my plans because I wasn't expecting her to have a cane. I was going to mention it once we arrived


If this is how you date, that might be a part of the problem. 

You make plans, you do not include her in making them. Then you get upset if your plans do not play out as you planned.

You need to be more flexible and/or tell the woman exactly what you are thinking of doing on the date.

"How about dinner and a walk a long the river?" How hard is that? Then she can say "Sure, yes." or "I'm having pain from my injury and don't think that could walk much. How about we ----- (fill in the blank)."


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## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I didn't reveal my plans because I wasn't expecting her to have a cane. I was going to mention it once we arrived


And from that experience, I hope you learned to at least ASK if certain types of activities would be difficult?


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> *You expect me to walk around penn's landing on a friday night with a woman using a cane? *


Yes, because that is what grownups do.


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## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> What you did/said a year ago with another woman has no bearing on your situation with this new woman. She new woman has no idea what went on a year ago with you.
> 
> All she knows is that you sent her a text that sounds like you asked her to come to your place for sex.


She has been knowing me for close to a month and should know by now that I am not that type of guy

The text means what it says

she comes over and we watch a comedy and relax with each other and talk more maybe a light make out session. Then we order the chinese food and watch a little more tv and then I walk her out to the car and tell her to have fun on her vacation and will see her when she gets back


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Yes, because that is what grownups do.


I been going to Penn's Landing for 18 years and never ever have I seen anyone down there with a cane


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I been going to Penn's Landing for 18 years and never ever have I seen anyone down there with a cane


LOL! It's not HIKING! It's walking on sidewalks. I'm quite sure there are people with canes there every single day of the week.


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## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Are you joking?????????
> 
> You expect me to walk around penn's landing on a friday night with a woman using a cane? NO WAY
> 
> I rather we meet at Longhorn in South Philly and have dinner


Well then, I hope you get used to being alone for the rest of your life. If this is your attitude about women it's very sad. 

You seem to be all about looks and appearances. 

Some day when you are injured and or ill, how would you feel about someone treating you this way and looking down on your for your injury/illness.

My guess is that this is about your own insecurities. You are more concerned about how other see you than you are about the woman you date. You are concerned in how her having a cane makes YOU look.

Hopefully some day you will mature beyond this.


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## kristin2349

Maricha75 said:


> I can honestly say... THAT is one movie I have NEVER seen lol. Really, I have never seen it.



"Silence Of The Lambs" it was a good movie, but like Ele said it will give you nightmares and def not a good date night choice.


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## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Well then, I hope you get used to being alone for the rest of your life. If this is your attitude about women it's very sad.
> 
> You seem to be all about looks and appearances.
> 
> Some day when you are injured and or ill, how would you feel about someone treating you this way and looking down on your for your injury/illness.
> 
> My guess is that this is about your own insecurities. You are more concerned about how other see you than you are about the woman you date. You are concerned in how her having a cane makes YOU look.
> 
> Hopefully some day you will mature beyond this.




Turned out that girl with the cane had knee pain so I told her to take some fish oil to eliminate the pain. I had joint pain back in 2011 and if I had a date and had pain I took 5 pain pills 6 hours before the date

No way was I showing up with a cane


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## SecondTime'Round

EleGirl said:


> *Some day when you are* injured and or *ill*


Someday????


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## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> LOL! It's not HIKING! It's walking on sidewalks. I'm quite sure there are people with canes there every single day of the week.


Sidewalks, not sand? Dude... SMG, it's confirmed. You have issues. Sidewalks are EASY to navigate with a cane. Your whole issue is you think OTHERS will think YOU are old. Unless you are balding, have a full head of grey or white hair, or otherwise look much older than your actual age, no one is thinking anything about your age, except you. And no one is thinking of your date's age, except you.


----------



## kristin2349

SecondTime'Round said:


> LOL! It's not HIKING! It's walking on sidewalks. I'm quite sure there are people with canes there every single day of the week.



I used to live at 2nd & Spruce in Society Hill, my neighbor had a severe disability and walked with two canes we used to walk to Penn's Landing all the time. He also had more dates than he could handle, but his social skills were much better than SMG15's.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Turned out that girl with the cane had knee pain so I told her to take some fish oil to eliminate the pain. I had joint pain back in 2011 and if I had a date and had pain I took 5 pain pills 6 hours before the date
> 
> No way was I showing up with a cane



Suit yourself. You still have not answered when you texted her to ask her to see the movie, and when the movie was supposed to be.


----------



## Maricha75

kristin2349 said:


> "Silence Of The Lambs" it was a good movie, but like Ele said it will give you nightmares and def not a good date night choice.


Omg... can you imagine?? :rofl:


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Maricha75 said:


> Sidewalks, not sand? Dude... SMG, it's confirmed. You have issues. Sidewalks are EASY to navigate with a cane. Your whole issue is you think OTHERS will think YOU are old. Unless you are balding, have a full head of grey or white hair, or otherwise look much older than your actual age, no one is thinking anything about your age, except you. And no one is thinking of your date's age, except you.


lol, there is no sand at Penn's Landing. It's not a beach! It would be similar (but not as nice) to Chicago's Navy Pier.


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> Someday????


Lmao!!! Love, love, love that!


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> She has been knowing me for close to a month and should know by now that I am not that type of guy


A month is not enough time to get to know anyone. It takes 2-4 years to really get to know someone.



SMG15 said:


> The text means what it says


I'm telling you how she most likely took it. It's how most, if not all, of the women on this thread took it. Some guy I hardly know sends me a text like that most likely I would not go out with him again. If I really really liked him I might take it as he was trying and being a bit forward to see if it I'd go for it. So I'd suggest to do something else... where we were not alone. See if he would go for that, or was he just wanting sex.



SMG15 said:


> she comes over and we watch a comedy and relax with each other and talk more maybe a light make out session. Then we order the chinese food and watch a little more tv and then I walk her out to the car and tell her to have fun on her vacation and will see her when she gets back


Have you made out with her before? 

There is little chance that a make out session between adults is going to stay 'light'. Women learn very quickly that things will most likely be pushed. So women learn to not put themselves in that type of situation... to only be alone with a guy at his place if the woman is ready to have sex with him.

.


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> lol, there is no sand at Penn's Landing. It's not a beach! It would be similar (but not as nice) to Chicago's Navy Pier.


Never been to either, myself. But I have a good idea what it would be like, just from pictures and what you have said. Easy to navigate.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Suit yourself. You still have not answered when you texted her to ask her to see the movie, and when the movie was supposed to be.


Last night I texted about the movie and it was going to be Thursday Night at Penn's Landing. I was telling her they have funnel cakes dow there while the movie is playing


----------



## DayOne

SMG15 said:


> she comes over and we watch a comedy and relax with each other and talk more maybe a light make out session. Then we order the chinese food and watch a little more tv and then I walk her out to the car and tell her to have fun on her vacation *and will see her when she gets back*


Well, now she has a reason to hurry back!


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Turned out that girl with the cane had knee pain so I told her to take some fish oil to eliminate the pain. I had joint pain back in 2011 and if I had a date and had pain I took 5 pain pills 6 hours before the date
> 
> No way was I showing up with a cane


5 pain pills? What kind of pain pills were they?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Last night I texted about the movie and it was going to be Thursday Night at Penn's Landing. I was telling her they have funnel cakes dow there while the movie is playing


OK, then no, her text back was not a rejection. She's really not going to be here. I think you ruined it by your creepy text about cuddling, though. You should have just asked her to hang out and have pizza, and kept your hopes for cuddling to yourself. And yes, we KNOW she put it in her profile. That doesn't mean she wants to be invited over specifically to cuddle on a third date. You need to learn more about women before you date anymore.


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> A month is not enough time to get to know anyone. It takes 2-4 years to really get to know someone.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm telling you how she most likely took it. It's how most, if not all, of the women on this thread took it. Some guy I hardly know sends me a text like that most likely I would not go out with him again. If I really really liked him I might take it as he was trying and being a bit forward to see if it I'd go for it. So I'd suggest to do something else... where we were not alone. See if he would go for that, or was he just wanting sex.
> 
> 
> 
> Have you made out with her before?
> 
> There is little chance that a make out session between adults is going to stay 'light'. Women learn very quickly that things will most likely be pushed. So women learn to not put themselves in that type of situation... to only be alone with a guy at his place if the woman is ready to have sex with him.
> 
> .


It's going to be fully clothed and I will make sure she takes no clothes off so it would stay light. I don't have sex with women I have over for the first time.


----------



## Chelle D

EleGirl said:


> simply talk with her to figure out something else that you two could do? It's not just YOUR date, it's HER date too. .


Agree Agree!!!
EleGirl, you have such a good way of sharing your insights/intelligence with others. You are amazing. I appreciate your posts.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Chelle D said:


> Agree Agree!!!
> EleGirl, you have such a good way of sharing your insights/intelligence with others. You are amazing. I appreciate your posts.


Agree Agree!


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> 5 pain pills? What kind of pain pills were they?


Ibuprofen. 

I only did this when I had a date which was not every week LOL


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> It's going to be fully clothed and I will make sure she takes no clothes off so it would stay light. I don't have sex with women I have over for the first time.


SHE doesn't know that, though. You tell that to us, here, but SHE likely thinks what we think: he's inviting me over, it likely means sex. Am I ready for that? And if not, she will decline. If she is ready for that step, she will accept... even if that doesn't happen. Going over to a man's apartment, women know they should be prepared for that possibility, even if it doesn't happen.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> It's going to be fully clothed and I will make sure she takes no clothes off so it would stay light. I don't have sex with women I have over for the first time.


Listen, she does not know this. She does not know you well enough to be able to trust you with her well being. That's a fact. 2 dates in one month is not enough time to trust.

Sure some women would be ok with it. Some are much more cautious... for a very good reason.

For some women a 'light' make out session with all your clothing on is further than they want to go on the 3rd date.

She has no idea what you are really like yet. The two of you are only getting to know each other at this point.


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Listen, she does not know this. She does not know you well enough to be able to trust you with her well being. That's a fact. 2 dates in one month is not enough time to trust.
> 
> Sure some women would be ok with it. Some are much more cautious... for a very good reason.
> 
> For some women a 'light' make out session with all your clothing on is further than they want to go on the 3rd date.
> 
> She has no idea what you are really like yet. The two of you are only getting to know each other at this point.


Well I will see if she declines when she text back.



BTW: She asked me this on the 2nd date

so tell me about your family?


What does that mean?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Turned out that girl with the cane had knee pain so I told her to take some fish oil to eliminate the pain. I had joint pain back in 2011 and if I had a date and had pain I took 5 pain pills 6 hours before the date
> 
> No way was I showing up with a cane


Not everyone likes to pop pills to mask the pain. Some prefer to work through it without medication. You said you take ibuprofen. I can't take nsaids, so I am SOL. I can only take acetaminophen derivatives, and acetaminophen screws with your liver. I would never consider taking an overdose of any drug, just to go out on a date. Like Ele and I both said earlier... this is your own insecurity, here. It has nothing to do with the women and their abilities and disabilities.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well I will see if she declines when she text back.
> 
> 
> 
> BTW: She asked me this on the 2nd date
> 
> so tell me about your family?
> 
> 
> What does that mean?


It means... tell me about your family.


----------



## coffee4me

Since you don't want to answer the question about if you kissed and hugged this woman on your dates, I'll just say that if you haven't at least kissed her goodnight with some sparks, the whole cuddling thing comes off as very creepy. 

What about your previous dates or conversations makes you think she will be comfortable enough to be alone with you? Cuddle with you?


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15:

I usually don't do this, but I'm going to ask, b/c I think it might change some of the posters opinions about you......

Can I ask how old you are?

You either seem very young, and really do need advice on how women would probably interpret your texts... Innocently meant or not.
Or you're older, have been thru divorce, and have a hard time coming to grips with becoming older and alone, and are too focused on how other people view you if you are seen with someone that is not near 'perfect' or... how other people view you as not being perfect either. (The comment about you never taking a cane on a date, makes me think you are too self -conscious of body images.


----------



## Maricha75

@Chelle D, he CLAIMS to be in his mid 30s. But, when I have relayed all of this to my 34 year old husband, he said he sounds like our son's age (14). Our son said, "maybe even younger"... that was a BAD time to take a drink of my coffee! :rofl:


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Not everyone likes to pop pills to mask the pain. Some prefer to work through it without medication. You said you take ibuprofen. I can't take nsaids, so I am SOL. I can only take acetaminophen derivatives, and acetaminophen screws with your liver. I would never consider taking an overdose of any drug, just to go out on a date. Like Ele and I both said earlier... this is your own insecurity, here. It has nothing to do with the women and their abilities and disabilities.


Well I didn't want to be on a date and be

Limping 

OR

Taking forever to get out of a chair


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> so tell me about your family?
> 
> 
> What does that mean?


I just think it means she was interested enough to want to know more about you. 

Could be a way to ask if you have kids, without really coming out & asking.. Could be a way to ask if you still live with parents, again, without really coming out & asking specifically..

Could also be a back-up topic she has. IF the date she is on, and the conversation is ackward, and the person isn't a conversationalist, and is not forthcoming about themselves.... A line like "So, tell me about your family", could very well just be a back-up topic, to try to get you to start opening up about yourself, sharing more than just the typical " I like seafood, reading, fishing, and hiking". type of "profile" talking.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> It means... tell me about your family.


But a woman would only ask that if she is interested right?


----------



## SMG15

coffee4me said:


> Since you don't want to answer the question about if you kissed and hugged this woman on your dates, I'll just say that if you haven't at least kissed her goodnight with some sparks, the whole cuddling thing comes off as very creepy.
> 
> What about your previous dates or conversations makes you think she will be comfortable enough to be alone with you? Cuddle with you?



We hugged at the end of both dates


----------



## Maricha75

Also, Chelle, he has, he said, been dating for roughly 10 years or so. Didn't start dating until he was in his 20s.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> But a woman would only ask that if she is interested right?


If she is interested in knowing about your family, background, how you get along. Oh, did you tell her that you have set your phone so all of your mom's texts go to your spam folder because you don't want to have to deal with her "stupid texts all the time"?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> We hugged at the end of both dates


A hug is not a kiss.


----------



## kristin2349

Maricha75 said:


> It means... tell me about your family.


As in: Does mental illness run in your family or are you the first?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> If she is interested in knowing about your family, background, how you get along. Oh, did you tell her that you have set your phone so all of your mom's texts go to your spam folder because you don't want to have to deal with her "stupid texts all the time"?


No because she said she liked the fact that I spend time with my mom lol

You know I wouldn't reveal that to a possible mate


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well I didn't want to be on a date and be
> 
> Limping
> 
> OR
> 
> Taking forever to get out of a chair


And? So you would rather be a pill popper. Not everyone is like that.


----------



## SMG15

kristin2349 said:


> As in: Does mental illness run in your family or are you the first?


No I think I am the only since I like a woman to walk on me on date 4:grin2:


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> Well I didn't want to be on a date and be
> 
> Limping
> 
> OR
> 
> Taking forever to get out of a chair


Okay, this reply makes me realize you are Much Much too concerned about image./ What other people think of you.

If you don't have a winning personality to overcome the dread of her being on a date with a "limping" person, or someone that takes forever to get out of a chair...... 

Then maybe you need to work on your personality, and how you present yourself first.

Not only do you seem insecure about yourself, you also do (sorry, just calling it as i see it).. you also seem quite in-tolerant of older people.

Did you have a parent or relative with disabilities that has embarrassed you in the past? I'm trying to understand your aversion to appearing "not whole".


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> And? So you would rather be a pill popper. Not everyone is like that.


So I should have went to the date and have her see me walking like a old man and get turned off?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> No I think I am the only since I like a woman to walk on me on date 4:grin2:


Walk on you?? Huh?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> No because she said she liked the fact that I spend time with my mom lol
> 
> You know I wouldn't reveal that to a possible mate


You LIKE spending time with your mom? Really? But you also LIKE to ignore her texts. 

And how would I know what you would or would not do? I mean, you DID send one date a nasty text because she had the audacity to ask you to walk with her to the train station, at night. And you thought there was more to it than there was. How dare she use you, her date, as protection at night! (That was sarcasm)


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So I should have went to the date and have her see me walking like a old man and get turned off?


You ASSUMED she would be turned off by that because YOU were turned off. Not everyone is that shallow.


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Okay, this reply makes me realize you are Much Much too concerned about image./ What other people think of you.
> 
> If you don't have a winning personality to overcome the dread of her being on a date with a "limping" person, or someone that takes forever to get out of a chair......
> 
> Then maybe you need to work on your personality, and how you present yourself first.
> 
> Not only do you seem insecure about yourself, you also do (sorry, just calling it as i see it).. you also seem quite in-tolerant of older people.
> 
> Did you have a parent or relative with disabilities that has embarrassed you in the past? I'm trying to understand your aversion to appearing "not whole".


I just didn't want a woman's first image of me to be walking with a limp. Plus at the time I was 31


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> BTW: She asked me this on the 2nd date
> 
> so tell me about your family?
> 
> 
> What does that mean?


That just means that she's doing what people do on dates.. the purpose of dating is to find out if the person will make a good long-term partner/spouse.

Her asking means two things (at least). The question is a good way to keep conversation going. And she probably wanted to get to know more about you. Knowing about your family, what you think of them, how you fit in, etc. is a good way to learn a lot about a person.

What do you think her asking that means?


----------



## kristin2349

SecondTime'Round said:


> Walk on you?? Huh?



Well he did mention saving his orange Polo for fetish wear, I don't know if my imagination could handle more details. The mental picture is already quite vivid. :rofl:


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I just didn't want a woman's first image of me to be walking with a limp. Plus at the time I was 31


That's your insecurity. Any women who is worth having in your life would have no problem with you have a limp... temporarily or permanently.

31 is a mature adult.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

kristin2349 said:


> Well he did mention saving his orange Polo for fetish wear, I don't know if my imagination could handle more details. *The mental picture is already quite vivid. *:rofl:


LOL!!! :grin2:


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You LIKE spending time with your mom? Really? But you also LIKE to ignore her texts.
> 
> And how would I know what you would or would not do? I mean, you DID send one date a nasty text because she had the audacity to ask you to walk with her to the train station, at night. And you thought there was more to it than there was. How dare she use you, her date, as protection at night! (That was sarcasm)


Because she doesn't know how to text, she sends pointless things

Example, last night she sends a pic of her and two friends at a restaurant. What kind of response was she looking for? She would have done better putting that on her facebook page.

She confuses facebook and texting. Facebook is for boring and pointless info not a text message

If someone is texting me it should be

1. Informative/New Info

2. confirming details of something planned


Not my fault she has a boring boyfriend who works 78 hours a week and always tired. So she needs to find a new companion and stop sending me so many pointless text.


Now if she was having dinner in NYC then I would have been like

"Oh you in Manhattan tonight I see, well enjoy.'


But she is sending a pic about having dinner in Philly lol


----------



## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> So I should have went to the date and have her see me walking like a old man and get turned off?



It's a persons attitude that makes it a turn off, not the injury. 

In my thirties I used a cane for a year got just as many compliments on my appearance that year as any other. Lots of men used it as opener to ask me if I needed assistance including carrying me to my destination  people see what they want to see, a determined woman walking the best she can or an embarrassment. 

My son got hammered last football season. Water on the knees, both ankles injured, battered and bruised he walked like an old man every weekend. I guess he could have been embarrassed that he was hobbling around but He wore those injuries like a badge of honor and joked and had lots of girls help him get around


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Because she doesn't know how to text, she sends pointless things
> 
> Example, last night she sends a pic of her and two friends at a restaurant. What kind of response was she looking for? She would have done better putting that on her facebook page.
> 
> She confuses facebook and texting. Facebook is for boring and pointless info not a text message
> 
> If someone is texting me it should be
> 
> 1. Informative/New Info
> 
> 2. confirming details of something planned
> 
> 
> Not my fault she has a boring boyfriend who works 78 hours a week and always tired. So she needs to find a new companion and stop sending me so many pointless text.
> 
> 
> Now if she was having dinner in NYC then I would have been like
> 
> "Oh you in Manhattan tonight I see, well enjoy.'
> 
> 
> But she is sending a pic about having dinner in Philly lol


You need to be a little more patient with your mother. What helps me when I get annoyed at things like this is to remind myself that my mom is an old lady....


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> But a woman would only ask that if she is interested right?


No, they just like men will being up all kinds of topics on a date.

It might mean that she's interested. But what she hears could change the way she looks at you.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I just didn't want a woman's first image of me to be walking with a limp. Plus at the time I was 31


So? You were 31. I have been walking with a limp since I was 24, due to a car accident. And, if it were to take 5 pills to keep me from limping... I would take my chances with the limp.


----------



## SMG15

coffee4me said:


> It's a persons attitude that makes it a turn off, not the injury.
> 
> In my thirties I used a cane for a year got just as many compliments on my appearance that year as any other. Lots of men used it as opener to ask me if I needed assistance including carrying me to my destination  people see what they want to see, a determined woman walking the best she can or an embarrassment.
> 
> My son got hammered last football season. Water on the knees, both ankles injured, battered and bruised he walked like an old man every weekend. I guess he could have been embarrassed that he was hobbling around but He wore those injuries like a badge of honor and joked and had lots of girls help him get around



Well I am used to philly women being shallow and closed-minded so I didn't want to show up limping


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> But a woman would only ask that if she is interested right?


Again, not necessarily... might have just been a way to see if you lived at with parents. Might have just been her trying to keep the conversation flowing.




SMG15 said:


> So I should have went to the date and have her see me walking like a old man and get turned off?


Yes. If a potential date would get 'turned off' by your physical impairment, it is better off to know she would be that shallow at the beginning of the dating process, instead of dating for months & months, and then 4-6 months in, find out that she is intolerant of you not being perfect.

Just like it will be more honest, (and better) if she knows your mother texts you so much, and is bothersome to you, better than letting her think you like spending time with your mom.

Seems like you are "fabricating" something about yourself, just to "look better" in her eyes. NO. Do NOT do that. You've got to be yourself, and let her see your struggles. Don't invest in potential relationships on a pretense of a personality just of what you "think she wants to hear". 

That is not being fair to yourself, or to a date. Be yourself (FULLY), or go home.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> You need to be a little more patient with your mother. What helps me when I get annoyed at things like this is to remind myself that my mom is an old lady....


But she is not OLD she just acts OLD.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> No because she said she liked the fact that I spend time with my mom  lol
> 
> You know I wouldn't reveal that to a possible mate


You should. Why? Because this is the kind of thing that a possible mate needs to know. If you treat your mother this way, after you are married for a few years, this is how you will treat your wife.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> So? You were 31. I have been walking with a limp since I was 24, due to a car accident. And, if it were to take 5 pills to keep me from limping... I would take my chances with the limp.


When I took those pain pills at 12pm by time I left the house at 7pm I had my flexibility back lol

I was mobile and had no pain until the next day


But luckily Fish oil cured my joint pain and I no longer have to take pain pills or fish oil


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Well I am used to philly women being shallow and closed-minded so I didn't want to show up limping


What is an example of shallowness in your opinion?

How about closed-mindedness?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Because she doesn't know how to text, she sends pointless things
> 
> Example, last night she sends a pic of her and two friends at a restaurant. What kind of response was she looking for? She would have done better putting that on her facebook page.
> 
> She confuses facebook and texting. Facebook is for boring and pointless info not a text message
> 
> If someone is texting me it should be
> 
> 1. Informative/New Info
> 
> 2. confirming details of something planned
> 
> 
> Not my fault she has a boring boyfriend who works 78 hours a week and always tired. So she needs to find a new companion and stop sending me so many pointless text.
> 
> 
> Now if she was having dinner in NYC then I would have been like
> 
> "Oh you in Manhattan tonight I see, well enjoy.'
> 
> 
> But she is sending a pic about having dinner in Philly lol


I would LOVE to get "pointless mom texts". I would love to get a text of her out with friends. The correct response would have been "Looks like you're having fun. Don't have too much!   "


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> But she is not OLD she just acts OLD.


How old is she?


----------



## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> Because she doesn't know how to text, she sends pointless things
> 
> 
> 
> Example, last night she sends a pic of her and two friends at a restaurant. What kind of response was she looking for? She would have done better putting that on her facebook page.
> 
> 
> 
> She confuses facebook and texting. Facebook is for boring and pointless info not a text message
> 
> 
> 
> If someone is texting me it should be
> 
> 
> 
> 1. Informative/New Info
> 
> 
> 
> 2. confirming details of something planned
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Not my fault she has a boring boyfriend who works 78 hours a week and always tired. So she needs to find a new companion and stop sending me so many pointless text.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Now if she was having dinner in NYC then I would have been like
> 
> 
> 
> "Oh you in Manhattan tonight I see, well enjoy.'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But she is sending a pic about having dinner in Philly lol



Your poor mom is under the impression that you care about her and what she is doing. She cares enough about you to include you in her everyday life. Maybe you should just inform her that you don't give sh!t so she will stop bugging you,


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Again, not necessarily... might have just been a way to see if you lived at home. Might have just been her trying to keep the conversation flowing.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yes. If a potential date would get 'turned off' by your physical impairment, it is better off to know she would be that shallow at the beginning of the dating process, instead of dating for months & months, and then 4-6 months in, find out that she is intolerant of you not being perfect.
> 
> Just like it will be more honest, (and better) if she knows your mother texts you so much, and is bothersome to you, better than letting her think you like spending time with your mom.
> 
> Seems like you are "fabricating" something about yourself, just to "look better" in her eyes. NO. Do NOT do that. You've got to be yourself, and let her see your struggles. Don't invest in potential relationships on a pretense of a personality just of what you "think she wants to hear".
> 
> That is not being fair to yourself, or to a date. Be yourself (FULLY), or go home.


I was told dating is about connecting on a superficial level


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What is an example of shallowness in your opinion?
> 
> How about closed-mindedness?



Shallow.............Not liking the fact I have thinning hair

Closeminded...............Won't date a guy with silly turn on's


----------



## Ikaika

So, at first I thought maybe you were here yanking everyone's chain, but given your exact timing every Sunday with the same sort of postings, I am guessing not. 

However, my $0.02 worth of advice... Find a counselor or a group that helps in building social skills. I'm serious. I'm not going to make fun of you, but really, you need to build some social skills before you consider the dating scenes. TAM is not exactly the place for this kind of counseling but I really hope you take this advice seriously and then come back here to relate some of the relationship issues that you are having rather than your own issues. I say this with all sincerity as I work with my oldest son on these very same issues.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> I would LOVE to get "pointless mom texts". I would love to get a text of her out with friends. The correct response would have been "Looks like you're having fun. Don't have too much!   "


Actually I will respond now and ask her was her boyfriend at the dinner


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> How old is she?


63


----------



## EleGirl

coffee4me said:


> It's a persons attitude that makes it a turn off, not the injury.
> 
> In my thirties I used a cane for a year got just as many compliments on my appearance that year as any other. Lots of men used it as opener to ask me if I needed assistance including carrying me to my destination  people see what they want to see, a determined woman walking the best she can or an embarrassment.
> 
> My son got hammered last football season. Water on the knees, both ankles injured, battered and bruised he walked like an old man every weekend. I guess he could have been embarrassed that he was hobbling around but He wore those injuries like a badge of honor and joked and had lots of girls help him get around


This post made me remember something. 

When I was in the Army and about 29, I hurt my shoulder and could not lift my right arm at all. So I wore a sling for a few months. I could not even comb my own hair.

Now how unattractive is a sling? Apparently many men have no issue with that.

During the months that I wore that sling I had a lot of time off work... and a lot dates... really sweet guys who took me out to dinner. We did a lot of other things too.

.


----------



## SMG15

coffee4me said:


> Your poor mom is under the impression that you care about her and what she is doing. She cares enough about you to include you in her everyday life. Maybe you should just inform her that you don't give sh!t so she will stop bugging you,


Do you need to know what's going on every minute of one of your relatives life?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> 63


My mom would have been 62 this year.


----------



## SMG15

Oh by the way that girl showed up on a second date with a cast on her thumb lol

She slipped and broke her thumb. I wasnt bothered by it


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I was told dating is about connecting on a superficial level


By whom?


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Well I am used to philly women being shallow and closed-minded so I didn't want to show up limping


I look at it differently.

If I thought that most guys were that shallow, and I had a limp, I'd show up and just be me. If I needed to limp, I'd limp. Why? Because the last thing I need in my life is a shallow guy. I guess having a limp is a great way to get rid of shallow guys. Who would'a thunk?

If someone is bothered that you are limping, she's not worth your time.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Oh by the way that girl showed up on a second date with a cast on her thumb lol
> 
> She slipped and broke her thumb. *I wasnt bothered by it*


Because it wasn't as visible to others maybe?

So, a woman being put off by your thinning hair is a shallow woman.

What's a man being put off by a woman walking with a cane?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> By whom?


Some article I read. Which confirmed why I always struggled because I am not good at being fake

I am learning to be a little fake around my supervisor so I can remain employed

Because we all know that if you have a crappy relationship with your supervisor that is never good


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Shallow.............Not liking the fact I have thinning hair
> 
> Closeminded...............Won't date a guy with silly turn on's


You have thinning hair? Have you thought of shaving it all off? Bald works for some men. You might be one.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I was told dating is about connecting on a superficial level


By whom?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Because it wasn't as visible to others maybe?
> 
> So, a woman being put off by your thinning hair is a shallow woman.
> 
> What's a man being put off by a woman walking with a cane?


Surprised and Shocked


----------



## Constable Odo

SMG15 said:


> Cancel your internet service


Why? And miss this? This is the cheapest entertainment money can buy.



SMG15 said:


> No way was I showing up with a cane


It's not a cane she's bringing with her, its a Jō. I'm fairly certain your name is well circulated at all the neighborhood ladies self-defense classes. Your dates as likely well-versed in Aiki-jō.




Maricha75 said:


> It means... tell me about your family.


Although in his case I suspect it really means "how long is your brother in for, for beating his wife?"


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You have thinning hair? Have you thought of shaving it all off? Bald works for some men. You might be one.


No, don't want to be BALD


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Surprised and Shocked


But not shallow?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Do you need to know what's going on every minute of one of your relatives life?


Does she tell you every time she goes to the bathroom? Does she tell you the consistency? If not, then that means she doesn't tell you EVERY minute of her life.


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15:

Please, maybe she doesn't understand her phone fully. 

Couldn't you explain how she can upload her pictures to facebook? Also, my sister will send texts, starting out with a "group text" to all the family (But I don't see...I only see that she sent to me). When someone replies, she replies back to them, as if they are the only recipient. She doesn't seem to understand that others are still seeing the conversation. I'm like WTF?? when she sends back some weird reply... I have to figure out if she really wanted it sent to me.

Possibly, her older phone didn't do this, but she doesn't understand her new phone yet.
So.... if perchance this is the case with your mother's phone.....

Maybe you just need to take a little time, to show her the difference between uploading to facebook (which, even if you don't like it, it seems to be something your mother enjoys sharing with others, be tolerant there)... difference between uploading pics to facebook vs sending pics via text message. Let her know (gently) that sometimes her texts are too much for you, and that you would appreciate not being included in her sharing photos with her friends. OR, will she let you see her phone, and then you can go thru her "group" contacts, and remove your number on those "pointless" texts she is sharing with all her friends??

You don't seem very tolerant that some people older than 50, are technology ignorant. Doesn't mean they don't try, just means they need a little more patience and explaining to show them different or new features of what a smartphone can do for them.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I was told dating is about connecting on a superficial level


It depends on why you are dating. If you only reason you are dating is to get one night stands, sure it's about superficial things.

If you are dating to find a long term relationship, then dating is about finding out if the person is a good match for a long term relationship. In this case being superficial is the last thing you should do. And them being superficial is that last thing you would want from them. You both need to know who the other person really is.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Surprised and Shocked


No, it's just as shallow as what you think about women turned off by your thinning hair. It isn't surprise and shock. It is shallow.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> No, don't want to be BALD


What's wrong with bald? There are a lot of men that look WORKS for!


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Some article I read. Which confirmed why I always struggled because I am not good at being fake
> 
> I am learning to be a little fake around my supervisor so I can remain employed
> 
> Because we all know that if you have a crappy relationship with your supervisor that is never good


It's ok to be fake around your supervisor. Be whoever you need to keep your job. I do that. If I said what I really thought at work a lot of the time their heads would explode... LOL.

On most jobs, it's all about politics.

Relationships are all about being honest and open.

If you are superficial and fake on a date, that means that you do not care about the person you are with and you do not care about having a real relationship.

It's the PUA nonsense that tells guys to be superficial and fake.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Maricha75 said:


> No, it's just as shallow as what you think about women turned off by your thinning hair. It isn't surprise and shock. It is shallow.


I have a friend with lifelong scars on her head/face from a car accident when she was a toddler. She's single and has had men tell her they don't want to date her because of her scars! :surprise:

I was shocked and dismayed when she told me that . 

(Side note, I think there are many legitimate reasons men don't want to date her, as well  ).


----------



## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> Do you need to know what's going on every minute of one of your relatives life?



No, I'm not a person in need of constant verbal communication but I certainly understand that some people have this need and I understand that it's their way of showing love. 

I also don't lump my mother into the category of "relatives". She is much more than just a relative.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Does she tell you every time she goes to the bathroom? Does she tell you the consistency? If not, then that means she doesn't tell you EVERY minute of her life.


No she sends me stupid photos because she has a boring boyfriend.

She just send me a picture of a little girl and ask do I know who the celebrity is now?

That's the silly sh*t Im talking about and why she is on the spam list


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15,

63 is old. It's not ancient, but it's old. 
In the early 1900's the average life span in the USA was 48. Today people are living longer due to better medical care. 

But in living longer some issues have a chance to progress more. Now I don't know what it is about your mother that makes you say that she acts too old. 

Your mother cares about you. If anything bad happens in your life, who will be there to help you? I'll bet your mother would be.

I'm 66. I can tell you that here are challenges at this age that you can not even imagine. You might want to consider being more understanding of her.


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> SMG15:
> 
> Please, maybe she doesn't understand her phone fully.
> 
> Couldn't you explain how she can upload her pictures to facebook? Also, my sister will send texts, starting out with a "group text" to all the family (But I don't see...I only see that she sent to me). When someone replies, she replies back to them, as if they are the only recipient. She doesn't seem to understand that others are still seeing the conversation. I'm like WTF?? when she sends back some weird reply... I have to figure out if she really wanted it sent to me.
> 
> Possibly, her older phone didn't do this, but she doesn't understand her new phone yet.
> So.... if perchance this is the case with your mother's phone.....
> 
> Maybe you just need to take a little time, to show her the difference between uploading to facebook (which, even if you don't like it, it seems to be something your mother enjoys sharing with others, be tolerant there)... difference between uploading pics to facebook vs sending pics via text message. Let her know (gently) that sometimes her texts are too much for you, and that you would appreciate not being included in her sharing photos with her friends. OR, will she let you see her phone, and then you can go thru her "group" contacts, and remove your number on those "pointless" texts she is sharing with all her friends??
> 
> You don't seem very tolerant that some people older than 50, are technology ignorant. Doesn't mean they don't try, just means they need a little more patience and explaining to show them different or new features of what a smartphone can do for them.


I told her yesterday that text messages are for things that are NEW or Informative or Confirmation of plans

Not boring and pointless things like "I am eating breakfast inside the diner with your aunt"


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> No she sends me stupid photos because she has a boring boyfriend.
> 
> She just send me a picture of a little girl and ask do I know who the celebrity is now?
> 
> That's the silly sh*t Im talking about and why she is on the spam list


So if she did not have a boring boyfriend, she would not send you stuff like that?

I sounds like your mother is trying hard to keep a relationship going with you. She wants you to be part of her life and she's not sure how to do it. So she's seening you silly stiff.

Don't worry, you won't have to deal with it after she's dead. Just think of that.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> No she sends me stupid photos because she has a boring boyfriend.
> 
> She just send me a picture of a little girl and ask do I know who the celebrity is now?
> 
> That's the silly sh*t Im talking about and why she is on the spam list


I gave you this advice before... TELL HER THAT STUFF DOESN'T INTEREST YOU!!! Good grief! It isn't hard, and you CAN do it without sounding like a [email protected]$$, too!


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I told her yesterday that text messages are for things that are NEW or Informative or Confirmation of plans
> 
> Not boring and pointless things like "I am eating breakfast inside the diner with your aunt"


How many texts like this does she send you a day?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> No she sends me stupid photos because she has a boring boyfriend.
> 
> She just send me a picture of a little girl and ask do I know who the celebrity is now?
> 
> That's the silly sh*t Im talking about and why she is on the spam list


You are mean!!

Do you have any siblings?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> What's wrong with bald? There are a lot of men that look WORKS for!


I have nice hair and want to keep it


----------



## Maricha75

coffee4me said:


> No, I'm not a person in need of constant verbal communication but I certainly understand that some people have this need and I understand that it's their way of showing love.
> 
> I also don't lump my mother into the category of "relatives". She is much more than just a relative.


Losing my mother last year made me more mindful of how I treat my dad. Some texts, before she passed away, I may have just ignored. But now? I acknowledge each of them. Even the mundane. Even the ones when he complains about my sister, her husband, her daughter. Why? Because I want to be sure he KNOWS I am acknowledging him.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I have nice hair and want to keep it


But, it's thinning and you are afraid the women in Philly will be too shallow to accept it. Or do you use spray on hair to help it along?


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> SMG15,
> 
> 63 is old. It's not ancient, but it's old.
> In the early 1900's the average life span in the USA was 48. Today people are living longer due to better medical care.
> 
> But in living longer some issues have a chance to progress more. Now I don't know what it is about your mother that makes you say that she acts too old.
> 
> Your mother cares about you. If anything bad happens in your life, who will be there to help you? I'll bet your mother would be.
> 
> I'm 66. I can tell you that here are challenges at this age that you can not even imagine. You might want to consider being more understanding of her.



I am saying that because she is in good shape and I have met other seniors who were 79 and also in good shape. So she has a lot of productive years left and needs to stop acting like she is 88


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> No she sends me stupid photos because she has a boring boyfriend.
> 
> 
> 
> She just send me a picture of a little girl and ask do I know who the celebrity is now?
> 
> 
> 
> That's the silly sh*t Im talking about and why she is on the spam list



Part of good social skills are simply to accept your mothers quirky text behavior. And like others have suggested, let her know that hourly updates with her bf are not necessary. If she continues, learn to accept it, this is called unconditional love. 

I could see blocking the crazy person you just met, but moms are unique. You have a mom willing to communicate with you, count your blessings.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I am saying that because she is in good shape and I have met other seniors who were 79 and also in good shape. So she has a lot of productive years left and needs to stop acting like she is 88


In what way is she acting like she is almost 90?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> But, it's thinning and you are afraid the women in Philly will be too shallow to accept it. Or do you use spray on hair to help it along?




Well it hasn't been a issue as of late since I have gotten past the first date 4 times since the month of april

So maybe its just me making a big deal


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well it hasn't been a issue as of late since I have gotten past the first date 4 times since the month of april
> 
> *So maybe its just me making a big deal*


I'm going to have to say yes. I am certain that's what it is.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Part of good social skills are simply to accept your mothers quirky text behavior. And like others have suggested, let her know that hourly updates with her bf are not necessary. If she continues, learn to accept it, this is called unconditional love.
> 
> I could see blocking the crazy person you just met, but moms are unique. You have a mom willing to communicate with you, count your blessings.


I said she send stupid text messages while she is at her boyfriend house because he is boring. Shouldn't she be talking to him instead of sending me nonsense? WHy is she even on the phone if she is at someone's house?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG, do you have Asperger's Syndrome?

If not, have any of your friends or family members ever told you that you lack basic social skills?

Have you ever seen the show Parenthood? You sound exactly like the character "Max" on that show (he has Asperger's).


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I said she send stupid text messages while she is at her boyfriend house because he is boring. Shouldn't she be talking to him instead of sending me nonsense? WHy is she even on the phone if she is at someone's house?


Why don't you ASK her about that??


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> In what way is she acting like she is almost 90?


sending text like she is 90 and sick........."can you text your mother please"


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> SMG, do you have Asperger's Syndrome?
> 
> If not, have any of your friends or family members ever told you that you lack basic social skills?
> 
> Have you ever seen the show Parenthood? You sound exactly like the character "Max" on that show (he has Asperger's).


Only Parenthood show I know is with Robert Townsend


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Why don't you ASK her about that??


I need to because I need to know why she is sending me childhood pics of celebrities why she is at her man's house.


Doesn't make sense at all


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I said she send stupid text messages while she is at her boyfriend house because he is boring. Shouldn't she be talking to him instead of sending me nonsense? WHy is she even on the phone if she is at someone's house?



My repost:




Ikaika said:


> So, at first I thought maybe you were here yanking everyone's chain, but given your exact timing every Sunday with the same sort of postings, I am guessing not.
> 
> However, my $0.02 worth of advice... Find a counselor or a group that helps in building social skills. I'm serious. I'm not going to make fun of you, but really, you need to build some social skills before you consider the dating scenes. TAM is not exactly the place for this kind of counseling but I really hope you take this advice seriously and then come back here to relate some of the relationship issues that you are having rather than your own issues. I say this with all sincerity as I work with my oldest son on these very same issues.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I need to because I need to know why she is sending me childhood pics of celebrities why she is at her man's house.
> 
> 
> Doesn't make sense at all


Why does it have to "make sense?" Does everything in your life have to be completely logical and follow the rules you think are right? 

You'd probably think I was a crazy person if you saw some of the ridiculous texts my sister and I send back and forth to each other. Just this morning I sent her a text about which TV personality the girl sitting in front of me at church looked exactly like. I'm sure you'd put me on spam for that. 

Not all texts/messages/email have to be FUNCTIONAL. Not everything in life has to be functional. 

Lighten up. Live a little. Do you ever smile or laugh?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> sending text like she is 90 and sick........."can you text your mother please"


Seriously? That has nothing to do with her acting like she is 90. She is LONELY. And her son is ignoring her. That's why she sends texts that ask you to text her back.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why does it have to "make sense?" Does everything in your life have to be completely logical and follow the rules you think are right?
> 
> You'd probably think I was a crazy person if you saw some of the ridiculous texts my sister and I send back and forth to each other. Just this morning I sent her a text about which TV personality the girl sitting in front of me at church looked exactly like. I'm sure you'd put me on spam for that.
> 
> Not all texts/messages/email have to be FUNCTIONAL. Not everything in life has to be functional.
> 
> Lighten up. Live a little. Do you ever smile or laugh?




It sounds like you and your sister send text messages to each other that yall know will be interesting or relevant

My mom knows I hate Whoopi Goldberg and Jada Pikett and feels the need to send me their child hood pics??????


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Seriously? That has nothing to do with her acting like she is 90. She is LONELY. And her son is ignoring her. That's why she sends texts that ask you to text her back.


How is she lonely and my brother is still living with her and she has a boyfriend?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> It sounds like you and your sister send text messages to each other that yall know will be interesting or relevant
> 
> My mom knows I hate Whoopi Goldberg and Jada Pikett and feels the need to send me their child hood pics??????


LOL! SMG made a funny!! 

Look, I get it...many of us get it. Our moms can be super annoying. But, try to be patient, have compassion, and realize she's just trying to connect with you. Even if you just text back an hour or two later and say, "Wow, never would have guessed." Just to be nice.....because it matters to HER, not you.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Maricha75 said:


> What's wrong with bald? There are a lot of men that look WORKS for!


BF started shaving bald at my request when he started thinning. Frickin hot.


----------



## Maricha75

@SecondTime'Round, here's one from this week from one of my sisters. My kids were staying at her house this week because they went to VBS with her.

"Bahahahahaha... Your daughter just told me I'm her favorite aunt, cuz well... 
I said 'Cuz look at your options?' 
She said, 'Well, yeah...' 
I love your kids..."


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> How is she lonely and my brother is still living with her and she has a boyfriend?


Maybe they ignore her, too.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Maricha75 said:


> @SecondTime'Round, here's one from this week from one of my sisters. My kids were staying at her house this week because they went to VBS with her.
> 
> "Bahahahahaha... Your daughter just told me I'm her favorite aunt, cuz well...
> I said 'Cuz look at your options?'
> She said, 'Well, yeah...'
> I love your kids..."


Sooooo like the texts we send to each other! That's so cute!


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> LOL! SMG made a funny!!
> 
> Look, I get it...many of us get it. Our moms can be super annoying. But, try to be patient, have compassion, and realize she's just trying to connect with you. Even if you just text back an hour or two later and say, "Wow, never would have guessed." Just to be nice.....because it matters to HER, not you.


And then football starts tonight and I hate when she tries to talk to me about it because she is not a real fan


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> It sounds like you and your sister send text messages to each other that yall know will be interesting or relevant
> 
> My mom knows I hate Whoopi Goldberg and Jada Pikett and feels the need to send me their child hood pics??????


Well, then, why not say, "You know, mom, I am not really fond of *insert least favorite celebrity of choice*. Now, if you were to mention *insert favorite celebrity*, I am all ears!"


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> How is she lonely and my brother is still living with her and she has a boyfriend?


:banghead: :banghead:
Lonely and alone are not the same thing. You can have a room full of people and be lonely.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> :banghead: :banghead:
> Lonely and alone are not the same thing. You can have a room full of people and be lonely.


How come I am not lonely?

Right now sitting in my underwear listening to Jazz and chatting with guys with some frozen pizza in the oven

lol


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> And then football starts tonight and I hate when she tries to talk to me about it because she is not a real fan



My wife is not a sports fan... So one day I'm on the couch (after working out and I want watch a baseball game). She ask me if I'm going to watch the whole game. I ask her join me on the couch to watch the game. She says she does not understand it. I convince her to lay next to me while I explain the game. By the seventh inning neither one of us are interested in the game... I'm so glad the boys were at grandmas. 

Ok so this does not exactly match how you would deal with your mom, but so what if she is not a real fan, my wife is not a real fan, but she will ask me how my team is doing and I let her know as much as she is interested in because that is what you do... More social skills.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> How come I am not lonely?


You are not her. Some people get lonely. Some don't. 



SMG15 said:


> Right now sitting in my underwear listening to Jazz and chatting with guys with some frozen pizza in the oven
> 
> lol


TMI. But, not surprising.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> How come I am not lonely?
> 
> 
> 
> Right now sitting in my underwear listening to Jazz and chatting with guys with some frozen pizza in the oven
> 
> 
> 
> lol



I did not need this image.


----------



## Maricha75

Ikaika said:


> I did not need this image.


Agreed, but it comes very close to confirming my own suspicions.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Agreed, but it comes very close to confirming my own suspicions.


Oh stop being so tight and loosen up before you sneeze and POP your panties:grin2:


----------



## kristin2349

Yay, more disturbing mental images. Are the other guys sitting around in their underwear? Is this your pre-game underwear and jazz get together? Sounds awesome @SMG15 I'm shocked some girl hasn't snapped you up.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> And then football starts tonight and I hate when she tries to talk to me about it because she is not a real fan


I think your mom and my mom should be friends. My mom does that too.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Oh stop being so tight and loosen up before you sneeze and POP your panties:grin2:


Hey, we're not supposed to call out trolls, so...

And, believe it or not, not everyone wants to know you are sitting in your underwear. But, it confirmed my suspicions. It's ok, I don't mind charades anyway.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

kristin2349 said:


> Yay, more disturbing mental images. Are the other guys sitting around in their underwear? Is this your pre-game underwear and jazz get together? Sounds awesome @SMG15 I'm shocked some girl hasn't snapped you up.


LOL!!

But I think he meant "you guys." Or to be more Philly-proper....."youse guys."


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I am saying that because she is in good shape and I have met other seniors who were 79 and also in good shape. So she has a lot of productive years left and needs to stop acting like she is 88


What is she doing that is her acting like she is 88?


----------



## Maricha75

EleGirl said:


> What is she doing that is her acting like she is 88?


He said it was "will you text your mother, please?" And I told him she does this stuff because she is LONELY. He still doesn't get it.


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> What is she doing that is her acting like she is 88?


Acting like she will die if she doesn't receive a phone call or text in 2 days


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Acting like she will die if she doesn't receive a phone call or text in 2 days


Well, she never knows if you're going to respond, since you throw her in spam!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

I had decided to work this afternoon, by the way, since my grocery shopping and cleaning is all done and I don't have the kids. I've gotten nothing at all done thanks to this thread! And now I poured a drink, so, well, I guess no worky today.


----------



## kristin2349

@SMG15 does your brother have a girlfriend?


----------



## Ikaika

SecondTime'Round said:


> I had decided to work this afternoon, by the way, since my grocery shopping and cleaning is all done and I don't have the kids. I've gotten nothing at all done thanks to this thread! And now I poured a drink, so, well, I guess no worky today.



I'm going watch the Phillies take on the Padres... Wish my wife would get home from Costco soon. I should tell my sons, grandma made them lunch over at her house. Damn and it's almost the 7th inning.


----------



## SMG15

kristin2349 said:


> @SMG15 does your brother have a girlfriend?


Yes


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> I'm going watch the Phillies take on the Padres... Wish my wife would get home from Costco soon. I should tell my sons, grandma made them lunch over at her house. Damn and it's almost the 7th inning.


why? The Phillies are irrelevant now that the Eagles are back on the scene


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Well, she never knows if you're going to respond, since you throw her in spam!


I just don't want the first text of the day being from my mom when I am in search of a mate

Frustrates the hell out of me


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> why? The Phillies are irrelevant now that the Eagles are back on the scene



Because it is not about the baseball game... More social skills 101.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Because it is not about the baseball game... More social skills 101.


Well tell me what's it's about then since me name is Mongo


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Acting like she will die if she doesn't receive a phone call or text in 2 days


That is not acting 88. That's acting like a mother who wants to have an ongoing relationship with her son.

She wants to know that you are alive and well. How awful that she cares about you.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I would prefer first text of the day being from that special lady, rather than my mom. But, that's cool. I will call mom later.
> 
> 
> 
> Minor inconvenience



Fixed it for you, more social skills 101


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I just don't want the first text of the day being from my mom when I am in search of a mate
> 
> Frustrates the hell out of me


Ok, this is getting down right ridiculous.

I feel sorry for your mother. 

You are either trolling us or you have very bad social skills. I agree that you need to get into counseling so that you can learn more about social skills. They can be taught.


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> That is not acting 88. That's acting like a mother who wants to have an ongoing relationship with her son.
> 
> She wants to know that you are alive and well. How awful that she cares about you.


But she didn't act like that in 2000/2001


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Yes


So, he has a girlfriend, spends time with her. Has he said mom sends him texts like you described? How does he act/react toward her? You honestly don't understand why she could possibly be lonely? Seriously? Smh


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> But she didn't act like that in 2000/2001


And your point is what? Why that arbitrary year 15 years ago? You were only, what, 20? She wasn't even 50? 

On another note, I'm assuming you didn't get a response to the creepy cuddle text?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I just don't want the first text of the day being from my mom when I am in search of a mate
> 
> Frustrates the hell out of me


Turn that into a positive. My mom is the first text I see in the morning. It's nice that the first text of the day is from someone who loves me.


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Ok, this is getting down right ridiculous.
> 
> I feel sorry for your mother.
> 
> You are either trolling us or you have very bad social skills. I agree that you need to get into counseling so that you can learn more about social skills. They can be taught.


I guess because it's a reminder that I have a crappy social life. I want the first text of the day to be from a woman I am dating not my mother saying something stupid

Before I open any one of her mom texts i know it's a 95% chance it will be something stupid


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> And your point is what? Why that arbitrary year 15 years ago? You were only, what, 20? She wasn't even 50?
> 
> On another note, I'm assuming you didn't get a response to the creepy cuddle text?


Not yet but it's only 6:15pm


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> But she didn't act like that in 2000/2001


Was she texting then? Wait... you were either still living at home or barely even out. And my guess is you were a lot nicer to her back then, too.


----------



## Maricha75

EleGirl said:


> Ok, this is getting down right ridiculous.
> 
> I feel sorry for your mother.
> 
> *You are either trolling us or you have very bad social skills.* I agree that you need to get into counseling so that you can learn more about social skills. They can be taught.


I will guess both, actually.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I guess because it's a reminder that I have a crappy social life. I want the first text of the day to be from a woman I am dating not my mother saying something stupid
> 
> 
> 
> Before I open any one of her mom texts i know it's a 95% chance it will be something stupid



Your social life does not have to be crappy... Again, I would suggest you find a social skills group and it won't be so crappy. And, those text from your mom will not appear as such an annoyance.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Was she texting then? Wait... you were either still living at home or barely even out. And my guess is you were a lot nicer to her back then, too.


I wasn't texting but she wasn't acting crazy if I went a week without talking to her


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I wasn't texting but she wasn't acting crazy if I went a week without talking to her


So what? She is more urgent about it for a reason. Did you ever stop to think there MIGHT be something she's not telling you? I will save you the "what do you mean" response. Maybe she IS sick, but doesn't want to tell you. You never know. Or, maybe, just maybe, she just wants a better relationship with you and has no idea how to do it. Your attitude toward how she is now really pisses me off. I hate when people of ANY age treat their parents the way you act toward your mother.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I wasn't texting but she wasn't acting crazy if I went a week without talking to her


She was 15 years younger!!!! People CHANGE as they age! Everyone does!

As I'm wasting my entire day here on this thread, I'm also IMing with my mother, who is 74. Her twin sister is with her for a couple weeks (and moving here in a couple months). My mom is bit6hing and moaning about her sister and how she's so worked up about switching over this and that, health insurance, blah blah blah and she's driving my mom crazy because everything she's looking up online she's also talking about incessantly out loud. And I just say to my mom, "ugh, that is annoying...sorry..." But what my mom doesn't realize is she is EXACTLY THE SAME WAY!!! LOL!!

SMG....old people can get annoying when they get old. Get over yourself, be a nicer man and a nicer son, and have some COMPASSION!!!


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> So what? She is more urgent about it for a reason. Did you ever stop to think there MIGHT be something she's not telling you? I will save you the "what do you mean" response. Maybe she IS sick, but doesn't want to tell you. You never know. Or, maybe, just maybe, she just wants a better relationship with you and has no idea how to do it. Your attitude toward how she is now really pisses me off. I hate when people of ANY age treat their parents the way you act toward your mother.


I explained to her 2 weeks ago her telephone communication is awful because she wants me to hold the phone and listen to her talk for 40 mins, And then when I want to tell her something about my day she shows no interest and wants to start talking again

So I told her I prefer to talk to her face to face because she communicates much better that way


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I explained to her 2 weeks ago her telephone communication is awful because she wants me to hold the phone and listen to her talk for 40 mins, And then when I want to tell her something about my day she shows no interest and wants to start talking again
> 
> So I told her I prefer to talk to her face to face because she communicates much better that way


And since you hate talking on the phone with her, she texts. How often do you actually see each other?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> And since you hate talking on the phone with her, she texts. How often do you actually see each other?


I guess I can call once or twice a week


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I guess I can call once or twice a week


You didn't answer the question. How often do you see her?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You didn't answer the question. How often do you see her?


Usually when the entire family goes out to dinner

The last time was the last sunday in July. The next time will be two weeks from now for my cousin's birthday dinner


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Usually when the entire family goes out to dinner
> 
> The last time was the last sunday in July. The next time will be two weeks from now for my cousin's birthday dinner


So, averages once a month, maybe longer. And you don't understand why she wants MORE contact with you??


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I guess because it's a reminder that I have a crappy social life. I want the first text of the day to be from a woman I am dating not my mother saying something stupid
> 
> Before I open any one of her mom texts i know it's a 95% chance it will be something stupid


Getting the first text/call of the day from your mother does not harm your social/dating life 

I never had a problem with my social/dating life. For most of my adult life the first call of my day was usually my mother. 

You should just tell your mother that you think she's stupid, that her texts are stupid, that you don't want to hear from her. Sure it will hurt her. But at least she will not be wasting her time on a son who disrespects her and thinks this way of her.

This might be a good indication of why you are having a hard time finding a woman to form a long-term relationship with. You attitude towards your mother, the woman with the cane, etc. probably permeates your interactions with other women. Men tend to treat women in a similar fashion to how they treat their mother.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> So, averages once a month, maybe longer. And you don't understand why she wants MORE contact with you??




I prefer that she call not text


----------



## SecondTime'Round

elegirl said:


> getting the first text/call of the day from your mother does not harm your social/dating life
> 
> i never had a problem with my social/dating life. For most of my adult life the first call of my day was usually my mother.
> 
> You should just tell your mother that you think she's stupid, that her texts are stupid, that you don't want to hear from her. Sure it will hurt her. But at least she will not be wasting her time on a son who disrespects her and thinks this way of her.
> 
> This might be a good indication of why you are having a hard time finding a woman to form a long-term relationship with. You attitude towards your mother, the woman with the cane, etc. Probably permeates your interactions with other women. Men tend to treat women in a similar fashion to how they treat their mother.


*bingo.*


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> Getting the first text/call of the day from your mother does not harm your social/dating life
> 
> I never had a problem with my social/dating life. For most of my adult life the first call of my day was usually my mother.
> 
> You should just tell your mother that you think she's stupid, that her texts are stupid, that you don't want to hear from her. Sure it will hurt her. But at least she will not be wasting her time on a son who disrespects her and thinks this way of her.
> 
> This might be a good indication of why you are having a hard time finding a woman to form a long-term relationship with. You attitude towards your mother, the woman with the cane, etc. probably permeates your interactions with other women. Men tend to treat women in a similar fashion to how they treat their mother.




I didn't say it harmed my dating life I just don't want to see it. What's wrong with to wake up to a text from someone I am attracted to that I been on 4 dates with?

And then the text can be after that


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I didn't say it harmed my dating life I just don't want to see it. What's wrong with to wake up to a text from someone I am attracted to that I been on 4 dates with?
> 
> 
> 
> And then the text can be after that



The order of text is something you have no control over, but your attitude is something you have complete control over in this situation. I believe, you missed the point of Ele's post.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I prefer that she call not text


And you don't want her to call, either. You just said you hate talking on the phone with her because she actually wants to TALK. I'm with Ele on this one. Just tell your mom you don't want to talk to her. You obviously don't care how she feels. You think her calls and texts are stupid. It says A LOT about you, and how you TRULY feel about your mother. I truly feel sorry for the woman who ends up with you.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG,

Here is something else for you to consider. Your entire attitude is all about you. You don't want to be with a woman who is using a cane because of what people will think of YOU. You don't want to get texts/calls from your mother because it reminds YOU that you have no social life. You don't want texts/calls from your mother because it takes up YOUR time/energy and she does not talk about things that YOU like and are interested in.

Most people who are this self centered in life are never happy. Why? Because they are hyper focused on themselves. The happiest people are often those who are focusing most only the needs of others. I don't mean being a door mat, but instead realizing that life is often about other people. You can have good boundaries and still be a giving person.

A selfish attitude is often what we see in people in their late teens & early 20's. After that people tend to stop looking inward and looking for the world to serve them.. and instead they look outward and at what they can do for their family and friends. People also often get involved with doing charitable work.

I think that changing your focus would completely change your life for the better.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I didn't say it harmed my dating life I just don't want to see it. What's wrong with to wake up to a text from someone I am attracted to that I been on 4 dates with?
> 
> And then the text can be after that


Well, if they were so inclined to text, they would. Oh, wait... you put them in spam, too, in case they text a rejection.

Newsflash: you cannot dictate when a woman will or will not text you. You cannot dictate when your mother will text you. All you can do is choose which text you open FIRST, should both happen to text you.


----------



## Ikaika

EleGirl said:


> SMG,
> 
> Here is something else for you to consider. Your entire attitude is all about you. You don't want to be with a woman who is using a cane because of what people will think of YOU. You don't want to get texts/calls from your mother because it reminds YOU that you have no social life. You don't want texts/calls from your mother because it takes up YOUR time/energy and she does not talk about things that YOU like and are interested in.
> 
> Most people who are this self centered in life are never happy. Why? Because they are hyper focused on themselves. The happiest people are often those who are focusing most only the needs of others. I don't mean being a door mat, but instead realizing that life is often about other people. You can have good boundaries and still be a giving person.
> 
> A selfish attitude is often what we see in people in their late teens & early 20's. After that people tend to stop looking inward and looking for the world to serve them.. and instead they look outward and at what they can do for their family and friends. People also often get involved with doing charitable work.
> 
> I think that changing your focus would completely change your life for the better.




SMG,
And don't forget there are some 'hot' ladies out there volunteering, doing charitable work. I'd be so there if I were you.

ETA: a chance for you to give in a social setting.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

EleGirl said:


> SMG,
> 
> Here is something else for you to consider. Your entire attitude is all about you. You don't want to be with a woman who is using a cane because of what people will think of YOU. You don't want to get texts/calls from your mother because it reminds YOU that you have no social life. You don't want texts/calls from your mother because it takes up YOUR time/energy and she does not talk about things that YOU like and are interested in.
> 
> Most people who are this self centered in life are never happy. Why? Because they are hyper focused on themselves. The happiest people are often those who are focusing most only the needs of others. I don't mean being a door mat, but instead realizing that life is often about other people. You can have good boundaries and still be a giving person.
> 
> A selfish attitude is often what we see in people in their late teens & early 20's. After that people tend to stop looking inward and looking for the world to serve them.. and instead they look outward and at what they can do for their family and friends. People also often get involved with doing charitable work.
> 
> I think that changing your focus would completely change your life for the better.


Spot on. But, sadly, I don't think SMG is capable of this without help (and possibly medication??) because of whatever mental or personality diagnosis he has. He may never get there.


----------



## Maricha75

Ikaika said:


> SMG,
> And don't forget there are some 'hot' ladies out there volunteering, doing charitable work. I'd be so there if I were you.


BUT, keep in mind that you don't go to do these charitable works just to find a woman. Go because it is something you agree with, want to be a part of, to make a difference. If you happen to meet someone while there, and you hit it off, all the better!


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> But why not just ignore me? lol That is why it's so confusing
> 
> I would think if someone didn't want to see a guy again they would either
> 
> 1. Ignore him
> 
> 2. Put him on call reject list
> 
> 3. Put him on the spam list


No, that's what YOU do.

Most people put good manners above personal wants.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> And you don't want her to call, either. You just said you hate talking on the phone with her because she actually wants to TALK. I'm with Ele on this one. Just tell your mom you don't want to talk to her. You obviously don't care how she feels. You think her calls and texts are stupid. It says A LOT about you, and how you TRULY feel about your mother. I truly feel sorry for the woman who ends up with you.


Look, she found a mate and I am trying to find one for me. So why the hell am I going to constantly talk to her when I a,m trying to find a mate like she has?

And when I come home from work I only have 5 to 6 hours to myself so that's my time to address the dating situation.


75% of the time I only go out on a saturday because it has something to do with a family outing. At some point I want it to be out with a woman I am dating and not my family all the time


----------



## turnera

Are you seeing a psychologist? You have been getting advice over and over and over about the WAY that you interact with women being a big turnoff and, thus, why women meet you and don't come back for more. And you never really address it.

Which is fine, but you've started, what, a dozen threads about women not wanting to date you, and you never spend any time asking yourself if we may all be right - that it's time to take a hard look at YOU and what you offer these women.

Take a chance, go visit a therapist and print out your threads and let him/her read them and see what their take is on it. Maybe he/she can give you some concrete suggestions on what to do.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Well, if they were so inclined to text, they would. Oh, wait... you put them in spam, too, in case they text a rejection.
> 
> Newsflash: you cannot dictate when a woman will or will not text you. You cannot dictate when your mother will text you. All you can do is choose which text you open FIRST, should both happen to text you.


I know which is why I wish I had 2 cell phones

1 for family

1 for friends and dating


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> No, that's what YOU do.
> 
> Most people put good manners above personal wants.




So it's better to lead someone on rather than not respond at all?

So you are cool with giving someone mixed messages?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Look, she found a mate and I am trying to find one for me. So why the hell am I going to constantly talk to her when I a,m trying to find a mate like she has?


I am not sure if I have ever read something more selfish... makes my blood boil.



SMG15 said:


> And when I come home from work I only have 5 to 6 hours to myself so that's my time to address the dating situation.


Ok? But you don't go out on dates EVERY night. So why not have a night or two for mom?



SMG15 said:


> 75% of the time I only go out on a saturday because it has something to do with a family outing. At some point I want it to be out with a woman I am dating and not my family all the time


Then opt out of so many family functions. Set dates on those days, and find other times to do things with family.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I know which is why I wish I had 2 cell phones
> 
> 1 for family
> 
> 1 for friends and dating


You don't need two cell phones. You need a shrink... and an attitude adjustment.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So it's better to lead someone on rather than not respond at all?
> 
> So you are cool with giving someone mixed messages?


No one is giving you mixed messages. You are overthinking, reading WAY MORE into things than is actually there.


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> So it's better to lead someone on rather than not respond at all?
> 
> So you are cool with giving someone mixed messages?


I'm cool with continuing to talk with someone until you see if you have a future together. Which is obviously what she's doing.

But you're so used to being rejected (and we've already told you why) that you go into any possible relationship ASSUMING they will give up on you that unless she's jumping your bones and begging to move in with you, she hates you.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> I am not sure if I have ever read something more selfish... makes my blood boil.
> 
> 
> 
> Ok? But you don't go out on dates EVERY night. So why not have a night or two for mom?
> 
> 
> 
> Then opt out of so many family functions. Set dates on those days, and find other times to do things with family.



No I don't have a issue with it, I actually look forward to it because most times it's my only way out of the house.

Like now I have nothing scheduled for weekend of August 15th

Family dinner is Aug 22nd

And Aug 29th is too far way to plan something for


So I have a lot of extra money this month and would like to be doing something next saturday

The only way I would OPT out of going with the family is if I had plans with a woman.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You don't need two cell phones. You need a shrink... and an attitude adjustment.


I actually tried that years ago but it's hard for me to take seriously because the person is being paid

That's why I posted ads on Craiglist to find a platonic female friend which would be someone helping me and not receiving money to do it


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> No I don't have a issue with it, I actually look forward to it because most times it's my only way out of the house.
> 
> Like now I have nothing scheduled for weekend of August 15th
> 
> Family dinner is Aug 22nd
> 
> And Aug 29th is too far way to plan something for
> 
> 
> So I have a lot of extra money this month and would like to be doing something next saturday
> 
> The only way I would OPT out of going with the family is if I had plans with a woman.


It really isn't too early to plan something for the 29th. People do it all the time. Who says you HAVE to do anything with a date? Why can't you just go somewhere and potentially meet someone WHILE there?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> I'm cool with continuing to talk with someone until you see if you have a future together. Which is obviously what she's doing.
> 
> But you're so used to being rejected (and we've already told you why) that you go into any possible relationship ASSUMING they will give up on you that unless she's jumping your bones and begging to move in with you, she hates you.


Ok well take this girl for example

She has not initiated contact with me one time since we started talking. So i figured it would change as we continued to talk and go out, So we had 2 dates and no text or call from her at all to show she is interested in between dates. She does respond to all my texts but never contacts me first 

So that was the main reason I sent the cuddle text because I want to prevent from being used for free dinner. So if she was to accept my invitation to come over my place then I know she was interested


It's a temp who started at my job 4 weeks ago and she has touched me more than this girl and we been out on two dates. The only time we touch is at the end when we hug


She doesn't touch me or call me first so why the hell would I arrange a 3rd date in public


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> It really isn't too early to plan something for the 29th. People do it all the time. Who says you HAVE to do anything with a date? Why can't you just go somewhere and potentially meet someone WHILE there?


I don't HANG with myself in public, I only go in public alone when shopping like I did all day yesterday.


----------



## SMG15

Personal said:


> Eating food on your timing seems to matter a lot to you.



Well I wanted to order the food before it got too late


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> I actually tried that years ago but it's hard for me to take seriously because the person is being paid


What a crock. The person went to school for at least nine years to get the KNOWLEDGE needed to help you see what's wrong with you, and they did that because they enjoy helping people find happiness and relief.

More likely, they told you what you didn't want to hear - what WE keep telling you: that you have some serious issues with how you view life, and females in particular. You probably thought that 'person' would wave a magic wand and make things better, but when you found out they wanted you to take a hard look at your attitude and actually CHANGE it, you quit going.


----------



## kristin2349

SMG15 said:


> I actually tried that years ago but it's hard for me to take seriously because the person is being paid
> *
> That's why I posted ads on Craiglist to find a platonic female friend which would be someone helping me and not receiving money to do it*


*
*


And how did that go over? Were you just inundated with takers?


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> She doesn't touch me or call me first so why the hell would I arrange a 3rd date in public


Translation: Why should I waste money on her?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Ok well take this girl for example
> 
> 
> 
> She has not initiated contact with me one time since we started talking. So i figured it would change as we continued to talk and go out, So we had 2 dates and no text or call from her at all to show she is interested in between dates. She does respond to all my texts but never contacts me first
> 
> 
> 
> So that was the main reason I sent the cuddle text because I want to prevent from being used for free dinner. So if she was to accept my invitation to come over my place then I know she was interested
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's a temp who started at my job 4 weeks ago and she has touched me more than this girl and we been out on two dates. The only time we touch is at the end when we hug
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She doesn't touch me or call me first so why the hell would I arrange a 3rd date in public



Two woman with two separate responses, go figure. I'm going to guess the difference in response was merely because they are two different people. 

You over think these things too much. And, the idea that you asked someone out to dinner in order to get something out of it, otherwise it was a free dinner is an attitude you really need to change.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I don't HANG with myself in public, I only go in public alone when shopping like I did all day yesterday.


You should try. It might actually help you.


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> What a crock. The person went to school for at least nine years to get the KNOWLEDGE needed to help you see what's wrong with you, and they did that because they enjoy helping people find happiness and relief.
> 
> More likely, they told you what you didn't want to hear - what WE keep telling you: that you have some serious issues with how you view life, and females in particular. You probably thought that 'person' would wave a magic wand and make things better, but when you found out they wanted you to take a hard look at your attitude and actually CHANGE it, you quit going.



It was hard for me to take seriously because it seemed like it was all about the money. And the whole being timed


----------



## SMG15

kristin2349 said:


> [/B]
> 
> 
> And how did that go over? Were you just inundated with takers?


It worked well from 2008 to 2012. not so much in 2015


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Translation: Why should I waste money on her?


I don't turn off my alarm clock in the morning so I can go to work and get paid to feed women all over the city


----------



## Maricha75

Ikaika said:


> Two woman with two separate responses, go figure. I'm going to guess the difference in response was merely because they are two different people.
> 
> You over think these things too much. And, the idea that you asked someone out to dinner in order to get something out of it, otherwise it was a free dinner is an attitude you really need to change.


Oh, @Ikaika, he has been told this so many times, I lost count.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Two woman with two separate responses, go figure. I'm going to guess the difference in response was merely because they are two different people.
> 
> You over think these things too much. And, the idea that you asked someone out to dinner in order to get something out of it, otherwise it was a free dinner is an attitude you really need to change.


But why has a temp touched me more than someone I been on 2 dates with?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> It was hard for me to take seriously because it seemed like it was all about the money. And the whole being timed



Then find another therapist, one that is not looking at the clock. Most good therapist will give you a homework assignments (small steps).


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> But why has a temp touched me more than someone I been on 2 dates with?


Her personality. Stop reading so much into everything. Ugh!


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I don't turn off my alarm clock in the morning so I can go to work and get paid to feed women all over the city



When I met my wife I was a poor graduate student. I found interesting things to do on dates that did not cost a lot of money. We still remember those times with joy.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I don't turn off my alarm clock in the morning so I can go to work and get paid to feed women all over the city


Then stop dating. Or look for women who will go dutch, instead. I suggest stop dating, really. You aren't ready for it... if you ever will be.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Then stop dating. Or look for women who will go dutch, instead. I suggest stop dating, really. You aren't ready for it... if you ever will be.


She offered to go half at the end of the 2nd date but I told her I will take care of it. I was told as a guy you pay even if she offers


----------



## turnera

Don't you have any friends?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Don't you have any friends?


All my male friends are either

1, married

2. living in another city


----------



## SMG15

Personal said:


> Maybe your mother bothers you because she cares about you.


I asked her how many times she text her boyfriend during the day?

she said 2 times

And I am like......"why? His phone is exempt from her stupid ass messages and my phones is flooded with celebrity birthdays


----------



## turnera

Then why aren't you trying to make new, single friends?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Then why aren't you trying to make new, single friends?


That only happens at a job. I made one new friend but he ended up getting another job after i completed his resume

Where else would I meet new male friends? I am certainly not going out to find none. 

I am trying to meet female friends who like football


----------



## Ikaika

Back on topic. I don't know what your conversation are like with these ladies you go on dates with, however here are thoughts:

If I were in dating scene again (roles reversed) and a woman came across the way you seem to come across on this thread, yes I would be saying "next", rejection. I know this sounds mean, but it is reality. You can't expect your date to also be your therapist. Please, seek some professional counseling. I'm not trying to be mean, I really want to see you make progress and find someone. You don't have to be perfect, but there are issues you really need to work out first before you can expect to have a healthy relationship with a woman.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Back on topic. I don't know what your conversation are like with these ladies you go on dates with, however here are thoughts:
> 
> If I were in dating scene again (roles reversed) and a woman came across the way you seem to come across on this thread, yes I would be saying "next", rejection. I know this sounds mean, but it is reality. You can't expect your date to also be your therapist. Please, seek some professional counseling. I'm not trying to be mean, I really want to see you make progress and find someone. You don't have to be perfect, but there are issues you really need to work out first before you can expect to have a healthy relationship with a woman.


Communication has improved a lot on 1st dates since April.

My main problem was small talk at the beginning of the date but I have fixed that which is why I had a lot of 2nd dates since April.

January to March was AWFUL and my confidence was dropping because the first 3 or 4 girls I met all didn't want to see me again but I made the adjustments


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I asked her how many times she text her boyfriend during the day?
> 
> she said 2 times
> 
> And I am like......"why? His phone is exempt from her stupid ass messages and my phones is flooded with celebrity birthdays


Your poor mother. I truly feel sorry for her.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> It worked well from 2008 to 2012. not so much in 2015


What happened from 2012-2015? Were you incarcerated?


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Where else would I meet new male friends?


Oh, I don't know...
join a group that watches football games together
sign up for a gym and talk to people
take a class at a local junior college and meet people at school or in your class
start showing up at meetup.com events and getting to know people
join a church and start meeting people there by joining the men's groups or the young adult groups
find a group in your area for some sport or other activity that you like to do and start making friends with the people who show up there
volunteer at places; my single brother volunteered to be an usher at our city's professional theater, got to see the shows for free, and made some good friends with the other ushers
volunteer at the local dog shelter - single people go in there all the time

There's a good list to start with. Will even work to help you meet women, too.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What happened from 2012-2015? Were you incarcerated?


Not sure, I do know that some of the girls I rejected from there would go on the site and put me on blast and create an ad saying

"DONT DATE THIS GUY"

lol


But maybe it's not as many women on there like it used to be. I used to create 6 different ads and would get a response from a different girl from all of them


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> That only happens at a job. I made one new friend but he ended up getting another job after i completed his resume
> 
> Where else would I meet new male friends? I am certainly not going out to find none.
> 
> I am trying to meet female friends who like football


Was this at the previous job, when you told one girl you couldn't date her because you got laid off and were seeking new employment? Or was this your current job?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Was this at the previous job, when you told one girl you couldn't date her because you got laid off and were seeking new employment? Or was this your current job?


No the current job, I did his resume in May and he resigned in July


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Communication has improved a lot on 1st dates since April.
> 
> 
> 
> My main problem was small talk at the beginning of the date but I have fixed that which is why I had a lot of 2nd dates since April.
> 
> 
> 
> January to March was AWFUL and my confidence was dropping because the first 3 or 4 girls I met all didn't want to see me again but I made the adjustments



I don't mean to me a fly on the wall, ok I lied I want to be a fly on the wall. 

Tell me how a typical date conversation goes... Just put it like a script 

Me: blah blah

Her: blah blah


----------



## Ikaika

I can't help you with your overall attitude as I'm not a trained professional, but maybe at least some conversation lessons or comments. However, this should not replace my earlier advice about therapy.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> I don't mean to me a fly on the wall, ok I lied I want to be a fly on the wall.
> 
> Tell me how a typical date conversation goes... Just put it like a script
> 
> Me: blah blah
> 
> Her: blah blah


Well the date in February she was already sitting inside and I came in and we greeted with a hug. So instead of sitting on the couch and having some small talk I said let's get in line to order, And she was like......."I don't want anything"

After hearing that the date went sour because I took it as she was disappointed at what she saw. But the reason I said let's order something is because I didn't think you could sit in a coffee shop and not order anything. So I was just trying to get some juice or something since we were going to be in there


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Not sure, I do know that some of the girls I rejected from there would go on the site and put me on blast and create an ad saying
> 
> "DONT DATE THIS GUY"
> 
> lol
> 
> 
> But maybe it's not as many women on there like it used to be. I used to create 6 different ads and would get a response from a different girl from all of them


Huh??? You're not answering my question at all. What happened from 2012-2015? Where were you? What were you doing?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> No the current job, I did his resume in May and he resigned in July


Oh. So he was already looking to get out of there anyway? As Haiku said in your other thread, it's noble work. But easily burnt out, I guess?

Oh, and as turnera suggested, there are abundant ways to meet people with similar interests. You like football, what about going to a bar or restaurant that actually caters to sports fans? Your only limitation is yourself, in this respect.


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> Huh??? You're not answering my question at all. What happened from 2012-2015? Where were you? What were you doing?


Ohhhhh! SMG, was that the time period you were out of work and getting unemployment, so you chose not to do ANY dating until you got a new job?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Huh??? You're not answering my question at all. What happened from 2012-2015? Where were you? What were you doing?


Unemployed for most of that period so I didn't much


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Oh. So he was already looking to get out of there anyway? As Haiku said in your other thread, it's noble work. But easily burnt out, I guess?
> 
> Oh, and as turnera suggested, there are abundant ways to meet people with similar interests. You like football, what about going to a bar or restaurant that actually caters to sports fans? Your only limitation is yourself, in this respect.


He was there 6 years and was look for a change

I haven't been at any job 6 years since 1999 to 2005


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well the date in February she was already sitting inside and I came in and we greeted with a hug. So instead of sitting on the couch and having some small talk I said let's get in line to order, And she was like......."I don't want anything"
> 
> After hearing that the date went sour because I took it as she was disappointed at what she saw. But the reason I said let's order something is because I didn't think you could sit in a coffee shop and not order anything. So I was just trying to get some juice or something since we were going to be in there


You could have tried "I'm a little thirsty, would you like anything?" And get in line yourself, even if she said she didn't. And, if you are concerned about the "you have to order something" at a coffee shop, why not choose a different location to meet, instead? I'm sure you could find a public location where you wouldn't feel obligated to make a purchase... or maybe not.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Ohhhhh! SMG, was that the time period you were out of work and getting unemployment, so you chose not to do ANY dating until you got a new job?


YES


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> So instead of sitting on the couch and having some small talk I said let's get in line to order


So are you aware now that small talk IS the date, and IS what she was looking forward to, and the fact that you couldn't be bothered with it told her all she needed to know about whether she wanted to date you?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> He was there 6 years and was look for a change
> 
> I haven't been at any job 6 years since 1999 to 2005


Yea, I can see why he would have wanted a change. It's good work, but I imagine it would be easy to get burned out, over time. Hopefully, that doesn't happen to you.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Unemployed for most of that period *so I didn't much*


That's a long time to "not do much." What were you spending your time doing?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> So are you aware now that small talk IS the date, and IS what she was looking forward to, and the fact that you couldn't be bothered with it told her all she needed to know about whether she wanted to date you?


Yes I completely understand now. I also tend to be more nervous if the atmosphere we are in is crowded. That's why I try to pick places that has a calm atmosphere


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Yea, I can see why he would have wanted a change. It's good work, but I imagine it would be easy to get burned out, over time. Hopefully, that doesn't happen to you.


Well I am looking to stay put for a while anyway because I was fired from my last job. So the longer I can be at this job the better because I don't think the firing will matter anymore 2 years from now.

The main goal I already achieved was staying at this job longer than the one I was fired from

The job I was fired from I was there 9 months

Current job will be 2 years in December


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Well the date in February she was already sitting inside and I came in and we greeted with a hug. So instead of sitting on the couch and having some small talk I said let's get in line to order, And she was like......."I don't want anything"
> 
> 
> 
> After hearing that the date went sour because I took it as she was disappointed at what she saw. But the reason I said let's order something is because I didn't think you could sit in a coffee shop and not order anything. So I was just trying to get some juice or something since we were going to be in there



Let's ignore the small talk dilemma which you have admitted you have difficulty with and assume she did not like what she saw. I say "so what". You can't expected to think every woman you go out on a date with will find you attractive and vis versa. Just chalk it up to experience and you too can move on. 

But, I curious about the small talking leading up to you wanted to get something to drink?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> That's a long time to "not do much." What were you spending your time doing?


didn't go on dates during that time


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Yes I completely understand now. I also tend to be more nervous if the atmosphere we are in is crowded. That's why I try to pick places that has a calm atmosphere



This is telling of a lot. If you know this about you, how about a picnic in the park?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Well I am looking to stay put for a while anyway because I was fired from my last job. So the longer I can be at this job the better because I don't think the firing will matter anymore 2 years from now.
> 
> The main goal I already achieved was staying at this job longer than the one I was fired from
> 
> The job I was fired from I was there 9 months
> 
> Current job will be 2 years in December


Why were you fired?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> didn't go on dates during that time


But what else were you doing? Were you in prison?


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why were you fired?


I was just about to ask that.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Let's ignore the small talk dilemma which you have admitted you have difficulty with and assume she did not like what she saw. I say "so what". You can't expected to think every woman you go out on a date with will find you attractive and vis versa. Just chalk it up to experience and you too can move on.
> 
> But, I curious about the small talking leading up to you wanted to get something to drink?


There wasn't any

All I did was hug her and said let's order something. Then while we was in line I wasn't saying anything to her at all just waiting to be seated so I could start talking

It was very crowded in there which made me nervous. It was 8 degrees outside that day.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I didn't say it harmed my dating life I just don't want to see it. What's wrong with to wake up to a text from someone I am attracted to that I been on 4 dates with?
> 
> And then the text can be after that


How exactly is your mother supposed to know if some woman you dated 4 times has texted you? How will your mother know when it's ok for her to text you? 

You seem to have a need to decide how things must be. Then you get upset when others don't do what you think should happen.. even though they do not know what you require to happen. It sounds like a type of OCD. Or an extreme type of control.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> There wasn't any
> 
> 
> 
> All I did was hug her and said let's order something. Then while we was in line I wasn't saying anything to her at all just waiting to be seated so I could start talking
> 
> 
> 
> It was very crowded in there which made me nervous. It was 8 degrees outside that day.



So you were waiting in line with her and did not say a thing? That must have been awkward for her. Relax, it is just a date. 

Ok, too cold for a picnic on that day.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> There wasn't any
> 
> Then while we was in line I wasn't saying anything to her at all just waiting to be seated so I could start talking


How do you think your not talking to her at all might have made her feel? 

Any idea?


----------



## SMG15

EleGirl said:


> How exactly is your mother supposed to know if some woman you dated 4 times has texted you? How will your mother know when it's ok for her to text you?
> 
> You seem to have a need to decide how things must be. Then you get upset when others don't do what you think should happen.. even though they do not know what you require to happen. It sounds like a type of OCD. Or an extreme type of control.


I know that she doesn't know to what I am saying is It would be nice to see that another woman is thinking about me besides my mother.

is that clear at all?

And it when it appears that my mom is the only woman thinking about me it reminds me that I have a pathetic social life


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> So you were waiting in line with her and did not say a thing? That must have been awkward for her. Relax, it is just a date.
> 
> Ok, too cold for a picnic on that day.



I was nervous and having an anxiety attack because of

1. Her saying she didn't want anything

2. the coffee place being jammed packed


That's why I don't like dating in the winter time because you are forced to be indoors.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I actually tried that years ago but it's hard for me to take seriously because the person is being paid
> 
> That's why I posted ads on Craiglist to find a platonic female friend which would be someone helping me and not receiving money to do it


When you have a broken arm, you go to see a doctor because they have the education and skills needed to help you.

It's the same with counselors/therapist. They know a lot more about helping people get to a better place than most people. You are very unlikely to fine a platonic friend on Craigslist who will willing to help you.

People who work helping other, like counselors and therapists, have every right to expect to get paid for their time. They had to pay for their education. Now they have to pay for their home, food, support their children, etc. Would you work for nothing?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I know that she doesn't know to what I am saying is It would be nice to see that another woman is thinking about me besides my mother.
> 
> is that clear at all?
> 
> And it when it appears that my mom is the only woman thinking about me it reminds me that I have a pathetic social life


Why not turn that around? Why not view it more like you are fortunate your mother wants to keep in contact with you, even if it is just sending silly texts about actors who mean nothing to you?


----------



## Ikaika

So my wife who suggest you learn to advocate for yourself and explain that you are not comfortable talking in these situations (waiting in line with a lot of sensory processing that you needed to do). 

I think if you truly want more out of these relationships, seek out professional therapy. The potential to open you up to so many possibilities await you. You are not broken, you just need to learn more about yourself and there is so much in store for you in your relationships with others, including your mom.


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> How do you think your not talking to her at all might have made her feel?
> 
> Any idea?


I probably wasn't talking because I was having an anxiety attack


That happened to me again 3 months later. Me and the girl decided to get ice cream and I had no idea the line would be outside the door into the street.

So of course while we were in line I was nervous not saying too much

It's very awkward to be standing in a long line with someone you just met for the first time


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> So my wife who suggest you learn to advocate for yourself and explain that you are not comfortable talking in these situations (waiting in line with a lot of sensory processing that you needed to do).
> 
> I think if you truly want more out of these relationships, seek out professional therapy. The potential to open you up to so many possibilities await you. You are not broken, you just need to learn more about yourself and that has so much in store to help you with your relationships with others, including your mom.




If I was able to turn back the time to Feb and May I would have done this differently


Feb date.........After greeting her with a hug sit on the couch and break the ice and have small talk instead of rushing to the line

May date..........After seeing that the ice cream line was outside the door I would have suggested we walk and go somewhere so we could talk more and break the ice


Standing in a long line with someone I just met was so stupid


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> I probably wasn't talking because I was having an anxiety attack
> 
> 
> That happened to me again 3 months later. Me and the girl decided to get ice cream and I had no idea the line would be outside the door into the street.
> 
> So of course while we were in line I was nervous not saying too much
> 
> It's very awkward to be standing in a long line with someone you just met for the first time


SMG, this is a perfect example of what we're saying - you are ALL ABOUT YOU. You seem incapable of being able to see anything from anyone else's perspective. 

Second Time'Round asked you how the GIRL felt. Look at your reply. ALL ABOUT YOU. Even to a very plain question: how do you think the girl felt?

Something that simple, and you can't even think for ONE MINUTE about someone else's feelings.

It's quite obvious that every girl you go out with SEES that and says to herself 'screw this.' Would YOU want to go out with someone who thinks only about herself?


----------



## Maricha75

turnera said:


> SMG, this is a perfect example of what we're saying - you are ALL ABOUT YOU. You seem incapable of being able to see anything from anyone else's perspective.
> 
> Second Time'Round asked you how the GIRL felt. Look at your reply. ALL ABOUT YOU. Even to a very plain question: how do you think the girl felt?
> 
> Something that simple, and you can't even think for ONE MINUTE about someone else's feelings.
> 
> It's quite obvious that every girl you go out with SEES that and says to herself 'screw this.' Would YOU want to go out with someone who thinks only about herself?


Oddly enough, this is what he says he hates about talking with his mother on the phone...


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> SMG, this is a perfect example of what we're saying - you are ALL ABOUT YOU. You seem incapable of being able to see anything from anyone else's perspective.
> 
> Second Time'Round asked you how the GIRL felt. Look at your reply. ALL ABOUT YOU. Even to a very plain question: how do you think the girl felt?
> 
> Something that simple, and you can't even think for ONE MINUTE about someone else's feelings.
> 
> It's quite obvious that every girl you go out with SEES that and says to herself 'screw this.' Would YOU want to go out with someone who thinks only about herself?



Well the girl in the ice cream line did tell me that I was not supposed to have her standing in the street while I stood in line on the sidewalk. And told me that I kept interrupting her and everything she said she liked I said I liked the opposite lol


let me just say that I did not expect this girl to be so attractive based on her pics. She only had head shots so I was expecting a heavy female but when she got out the car I was like........."Oh Lawd"


I just want someone who is a 7/ or 7.5, that girl was almost a 9 on the scale of 1 to 10


----------



## SMG15

Personal said:


> Do you suffer from agoraphobia? I have an uncle who has agoraphobia, as a young man despite the fact my uncle was especially handsome, he had significant problems with respect to dating.


Yes not a fan of crowded places on a 1st date. That's why I try to stay away from friday night dates


----------



## Chelle D

Okay, I went to store, made supper, watched a movie, came back & see that you're all still at it.
SMG15 - I really hope you are gleaning some of this good advice.
* You need to be more open about your feeling pressured (to talk) on a date
* Start with asking yourself how other people might feel about your word choices
* A true counselor is not someone friended on Craigs list.

Also, I ask... Do you have your phone settings that you get facebook notifications to your phone??
Is it possible that your mother is actually facebooking, and the notice sends to your phone, and you are thinking it is a text message specifically just to you? Or a pic message sent specifically just to you?

I'd suggest having your phone settings changed might help, but also, please please, listen to others here...

If you just want "Hook Up" dates... then being superficial is okay.
If you want to date inorder to find a relationship, then Be yourself. 100% of the way. 

*It's okay to mention to a woman that you are nervous in crowded situation. She won't be offended.
* It's okay to be a thinning haired man, or balding man at early - mid thirties. She won't be offended.
* It's okay to admit that you like to walk outdoors. She won't be offended.

Any of these that she is offended about... I'll tell you, that means she's not the right woman for you.


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Okay, I went to store, made supper, watched a movie, came back & see that you're all still at it.
> SMG15 - I really hope you are gleaning some of this good advice.
> * You need to be more open about your feeling pressured (to talk) on a date
> * Start with asking yourself how other people might feel about your word choices
> * A true counselor is not someone friended on Craigs list.
> 
> Also, I ask... Do you have your phone settings that you get facebook notifications to your phone??
> Is it possible that your mother is actually facebooking, and the notice sends to your phone, and you are thinking it is a text message specifically just to you? Or a pic message sent specifically just to you?
> 
> I'd suggest having your phone settings changed might help, but also, please please, listen to others here...
> 
> If you just want "Hook Up" dates... then being superficial is okay.
> If you want to date inorder to find a relationship, then Be yourself. 100% of the way.
> 
> *It's okay to mention to a woman that you are nervous in crowded situation. She won't be offended.
> * It's okay to be a thinning haired man, or balding man at early - mid thirties. She won't be offended.
> * It's okay to admit that you like to walk outdoors. She won't be offended.
> 
> Any of these that she is offended about... I'll tell you, that means she's not the right woman for you.




getting back to the girl I went on 2 dates with. I felt like since she is going to be gone for 9 days, it's no way the momentum of us getting to know each can stay active. I mean we are talking about Aug 23rd or 24th

So that's why I just sent a last text trying to see if she would come over or agree to meet some where in public before she leaves because 9 days with no contact is a long time and kills momentum

So I will be deleting her number tonight


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> Ok well take this girl for example
> 
> She has not initiated contact with me one time since we started talking. So i figured it would change as we continued to talk and go out, So we had 2 dates and no text or call from her at all to show she is interested in between dates. She does respond to all my texts but never contacts me first
> 
> So that was the main reason I sent the cuddle text because I want to prevent from being used for free dinner. So if she was to accept my invitation to come over my place then I know she was interested


There are plenty of things you can do on a date that cost very little and that are not at your place.

Do you invite your dates out to dinner all the time? It sounds like it from your statement.




SMG15 said:


> It's a temp who started at my job 4 weeks ago and she has touched me more than this girl and we been out on two dates. The only time we touch is at the end when we hug


You see to be looking for some kind of very quick physical response. The amount someone touches you on the first & second date have little to do with what they will be like if the relationship were to become long term.



SMG15 said:


> She doesn't touch me or call me first so why the hell would I arrange a 3rd date in public


This is a very disturbing remark. Does this mean that your invitation to hang out at your place was an attempt to show her that she did not deserve for you to be in public with her? Why would you think that a woman does not deserve to be dated in public if she does not touch you in the first 2 dates? And if you feel this way about her, why would you even ask her out again?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> getting back to the girl I went on 2 dates with. I felt like since she is going to be gone for 9 days, it's no way the momentum of us getting to know each can stay active. I mean we are talking about Aug 23rd or 24th
> 
> 
> 
> So that's why I just sent a last text trying to see if she would come over or agree to meet some where in public before she leaves because 9 days with no contact is a long time and kills momentum
> 
> 
> 
> So I will be deleting her number tonight



So, are you going to continue this same old routine or seek some counseling? This will happen every Sunday here on TAM, another, "I'm deleting her from my contacts tonight". 

What you say?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> getting back to the girl I went on 2 dates with. I felt like since she is going to be gone for 9 days, it's no way the momentum of us getting to know each can stay active. I mean we are talking about Aug 23rd or 24th
> 
> So that's why I just sent a last text trying to see if she would come over or agree to meet some where in public before she leaves because 9 days with no contact is a long time and kills momentum
> 
> So I will be deleting her number tonight


Conversely, you could also text once in awhile during the time she is on vacation. See how she is enjoying California, etc. And possibly talk on the phone, too. There are ways to keep this going, but you have to step out of your comfort zone and try new things.


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> So I will be deleting her number tonight


Good idea.

Good luck in finding the next girl to date. 
May I suggest finding a venue/ place that is generally not very crowded during your usual date nights/hours?
Have a couple places in mind, in case she rejects an idea, or it ends up being busy, and you'd like to go somewhere else.

Sometimes even a library has nice areas where you can sit and talk quietly.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> I know that she doesn't know to what I am saying is It would be nice to see that another woman is thinking about me besides my mother.
> 
> is that clear at all?
> 
> And it when it appears that my mom is the only woman thinking about me it reminds me that I have a pathetic social life


Yes, I got it to start with. It's the way you word things that I was trying to get you to look at because it says a lot about you.

Love is not an easy thing to have in this world. Believe me. There area a lot of people who do not even have a mother who loves them, much less a love-interest. 

Cherish those who love you. They are what is good in life.

This last woman liked the idea that you told her that you see/talk to your mom often. That tells you something about what she finds good in a man. Does that tell you something? Do you understand that it's a good thing to cherish and respect your mother?

I'm not talking about being a mommy's boy.. yuk. You are obviously not a mommy's boy. 

This is again about doing/thinking about others instead of yourself.


----------



## EleGirl

SMG15 said:


> getting back to the girl I went on 2 dates with. *I felt like since she is going to be gone for 9 days, it's no way the momentum of us getting to know each can stay active. * I mean we are talking about Aug 23rd or 24th
> 
> So that's why I just sent a last text trying to see if she would come over or agree to meet some where in public before she leaves because 9 days with no contact is a long time and kills momentum
> 
> So I will be deleting her number tonight


Now that's ridiculous, sorry but it is. You have only just started to date her. If you cannot wait 9 days, even 2-3 weeks when she has something like a planned trip then that's a problem on your part.

Of course people can keep a relationship/friendship building is one of them is away for a week or two.


----------



## SMG15

Well she responded to my text about the cuddle thing and this was her reply

"I don't think I'm ready for all that"


----------



## Maricha75

EleGirl said:


> Now that's ridiculous, sorry but it is. You have only just started to date her. If you cannot wait 9 days, even 2-3 weeks when she has something like a planned trip then that's a problem on your part.
> 
> Of course people can keep a relationship/friendship building is one of them is away for a week or two.


No kidding. Even HIGH SCHOOL students manage to do this. Why is it so hard for an ADULT to comprehend?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Well she responded to my text about the cuddle thing and this was her reply
> 
> 
> 
> "I don't think I'm ready for all that"



This is an honest answer from her.


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> Well she responded to my text about the cuddle thing and this was her reply
> 
> "I don't think I'm ready for all that"


Well... She didn't reply "no". But she didn't reply she's holding her breath for another date after her vacation.

I still say, wait two weeks, then ask her "out" again, but give her an 'out'. If she grabs on the out.... There's your answer.


----------



## Chelle D

OMGosh... 
Just watched this. It is soooo fitting. 

Amen Madea!
https://video-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/h...=e438096a8ed9066cd128a4cadadb14b6&oe=55C84675

"If somebody wants to walk out of your life... LET THEM GO"
You got to be happy with yourself. If you can't be happy with your own self, what the heck are you gonna do with someone else?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> No kidding. Even HIGH SCHOOL students manage to do this. Why is it so hard for an ADULT to comprehend?


I didn't to text her while she was out of town because i thought it would make me look desperate


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Well... She didn't reply "no". But she didn't reply she's holding her breath for another date after her vacation.
> 
> I still say, wait two weeks, then ask her "out" again, but give her an 'out'. If she grabs on the out.... There's your answer.



I started to send..........."well tell me what you ready for"

LOL LOL


----------



## Decorum

SMG15 said:


> I started to send..........."well tell me what you ready for"
> 
> LOL LOL



Ask her over to make a movie.

Tell her that since you met her you have a new tripod you would like to show her.

LOL LOL


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I didn't to text her while she was out of town because i thought it would make me look desperate


But asking her to come to your place, the night before she flies out to California, to watch a movie, eat dinner, and cuddle/make out... doesn't make you look desperate? Don't you see how backwards that is? Sending a text, asking how her trip is going, saying you hope she is having fun, and that you would enjoy hearing MORE about it when she returns, is FAR less desperate than asking her to come to your place, basically so she doesn't "forget you while she's gone". That is really what a ploy like that says.


----------



## SMG15

Decorum said:


> Ask her over to make a movie.
> 
> Tell her that since you met her you have a new tripod you would like to show her.
> 
> LOL LOL




Log Out and try again tomorrow


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> But asking her to come to your place, the night before she flies out to California, to watch a movie, eat dinner, and cuddle/make out... doesn't make you look desperate? Don't you see how backwards that is? Sending a text, asking how her trip is going, saying you hope she is having fun, and that you would enjoy hearing MORE about it when she returns, is FAR less desperate than asking her to come to your place, basically so she doesn't "forget you while she's gone". That is really what a ploy like that says.


So how much longer should I continue this?

This is my first time going out on 2 dates without someone who only responds to my texts never sends one first


do you think a guy should continue to ask out a girl who never text him first?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Log Out and try again tomorrow


It's almost 12:30. Isn't it past your bedtime?


----------



## SMG15

Personal said:


> Sigh.


Well I didn't send it.


I was kind of surprised at her reply because it's not like i said anything about getting naked and pouring whip cream on each other

Just cuddling and light kissing


----------



## Ikaika

I know I will stand out from other comments here - I suggest you not try to reach out to her at this time. Or, worry about dating right now. As much as you want to, in your words "find a mate", I don't believe you are ready quite yet. 

I want to encourage you to seek therapy. A good therapist will give you "tools" to overcome some of your anxieties (sounds like sensory overload), learn self-advocacy and most important social skills.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> It's almost 12:30. Isn't it past your bedtime?


I'm a night owl, especially sunday nights


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So how much longer should I continue this?
> 
> This is my first time going out on 2 dates without someone who only responds to my texts never sends one first
> 
> 
> do you think a guy should continue to ask out a girl who never text him first?


What I really think is that you should remove yourself from the dating pool. However, I don't see that happening. Believe it or not, even women can get super busy. She doesn't text you first. Oh, no. The world is going to end right this minute because some woman does not understand "The Rule of Dating According to SMG15"...


----------



## Decorum

SMG15 said:


> Log Out and try again tomorrow


Whew! 

I will stop worrying that you might actually do it.

24 pages of this stuff! Wow.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well I didn't send it.
> 
> 
> I was kind of surprised at her reply because it's not like i said anything about getting naked and pouring whip cream on each other
> 
> Just cuddling and light kissing


We TOLD you how it would be taken! Why did it surprise you that we were RIGHT??


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> What I really think is that you should remove yourself from the dating pool. However, I don't see that happening. Believe it or not, even women can get super busy. She doesn't text you first. Oh, no. The world is going to end right this minute because some woman does not understand "The Rule of Dating According to SMG15"...


Does that sound unusual to you?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> We TOLD you how it would be taken! Why did it surprise you that we were RIGHT??


Because I thought I created a image of us sitting next to each other on the sofa while watching TV and laughing and then eating food and kissing a few times


Not her ripping off my shirt and sucking chocolate off my chest0


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Because I thought I created a image of us sitting next to each other on the sofa while watching TV and laughing and then eating food and kissing a few times
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Not her ripping off my shirt and sucking chocolate off my chest0



Oh boy... Literal vs the nuance of language. This is a language based social skill.


----------



## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> Well I didn't send it.
> 
> 
> I was kind of surprised at her reply because it's not like i said anything about getting naked and pouring whip cream on each other
> 
> Just cuddling and light kissing


THIS is why EleGirl told you what your text would sound like to someone new that doesn't know you. 

She (Elegirl) said the text sounds like an invitation to go to your house & get jiggy. 
She's (Your 2nd date person) not ready for that.

Also, why it was explained to you that when someone puts "cuddling" in their profile interests, they don't mean with a date that they are trying to get to know. meant she likes cuddling (showing affection in non-sexual way) with a significant other, so if you don't like that sort of thing (in the future, if a relationship shoudl arise), then don't contact her.

Seriously, don't contact this female for 2 weeks min.
If she contacts you before that, it would be okay to respond.

I'm serious. 2 weeks. Ask if the vacation was good, ask for a date, and say that you understand if it's too soon back from her vacation.


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Well I didn't send it.
> 
> 
> I was kind of surprised at her reply because it's not like i said anything about getting naked and pouring whip cream on each other
> 
> Just cuddling and light kissing


Real men don't talk about what they want to do. They just do it. Women don't want to hear you talk about what you'd like.


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> THIS is why EleGirl told you what your text would sound like to someone new that doesn't know you.
> 
> She (Elegirl) said the text sounds like an invitation to go to your house & get jiggy.
> She's (Your 2nd date person) not ready for that.
> 
> Also, why it was explained to you that when someone puts "cuddling" in their profile interests, they don't mean with a date that they are trying to get to know. meant she likes cuddling (showing affection in non-sexual way) with a significant other, so if you don't like that sort of thing (in the future, if a relationship shoudl arise), then don't contact her.
> 
> Seriously, don't contact this female for 2 weeks min.
> If she contacts you before that, it would be okay to respond.
> 
> I'm serious. 2 weeks. Ask if the vacation was good, ask for a date, and say that you understand if it's too soon back from her vacation.



Ok I will for that Monday, Aug 24th for the next contact


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Real men don't talk about what they want to do. They just do it. Women don't want to hear you talk about what you'd like.



Well she didn't respond back with a "I think we should be friends"

So I still have a shot


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Does that sound unusual to you?


No. But you sound quite unusual to me.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> No. But you sound quite unusual to me.



So you went out with guys and let them do all the contacting?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Because I thought I created a image of us sitting next to each other on the sofa while watching TV and laughing and then eating food and kissing a few times
> 
> 
> Not her ripping off my shirt and sucking chocolate off my chest0


No, the image you conveyed was sex. Not just sitting on the couch watching tv, etc. When you ask a woman back to your spartnent, she ASSUMES you mean for sex. And when you toss in cuddling, then she KNOWS you mean sex, even if that wasn't truly your intention. Just as we said. Please, listen to Chelle. Unless she texts you, don't contact her. Honestly, you really are not ready for dating.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Well she didn't respond back with a "I think we should be friends"
> 
> 
> 
> So I still have a shot



A page and half ago you were ready to delete her from your contacts, now you assume you have a shot. 

So let's assume you will contact her in two weeks. Where are you going to take (assuming this is to ask her on another date) her? Are you prepared for the small talk? Are you comfortable with telling her about your family? Your interest? More importantly are you interested in hearing about her interest and her family (if she is willing to share)?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So you went out with guys and let them do all the contacting?


Some did. Some didn't. To be honest, it's been so long since I was dating that I don't even remember who contacted whom. Really, though, I didn't date much. I had boyfriends, but we didn't really date much, just hung out with family and friends.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> A page and half ago you were ready to delete her from your contacts, now you assume you have a shot.
> 
> So let's assume you will contact her in two weeks. Where are you going to take (assuming this is to ask her on another date) her? Are you prepared for the small talk? Are you comfortable with telling her about your family? Your interest? More importantly are you interested in hearing about her interest and her family (if she is willing to share)?



Of course I am.


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> THIS is why EleGirl told you what your text would sound like to someone new that doesn't know you.
> 
> She (Elegirl) said the text sounds like an invitation to go to your house & get jiggy.
> She's (Your 2nd date person) not ready for that.
> 
> Also, why it was explained to you that when someone puts "cuddling" in their profile interests, they don't mean with a date that they are trying to get to know. meant she likes cuddling (showing affection in non-sexual way) with a significant other, so if you don't like that sort of thing (in the future, if a relationship shoudl arise), then don't contact her.
> 
> Seriously, don't contact this female for 2 weeks min.
> If she contacts you before that, it would be okay to respond.
> 
> I'm serious. 2 weeks. Ask if the vacation was good, ask for a date, and say that you understand if it's too soon back from her vacation.




Should I send one last contact telling her to have a safe and enjoyable trip before I go to sleep and then wait 2 weeks?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Of course I am.



Are you really prepared? Are you flexible enough that changes may come up that you can deal with it, without making judgments? Remember other people have lives too. 

What sort of small talk do you plan on engaging in? Give us an example.


----------



## Ikaika

You've met this woman I person, correct? Do you know what color her eyes are?


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Are you really prepared? Are you flexible enough that changes may come up that you can deal with it, without making judgments? Remember other people have lives too.
> 
> What sort of small talk do you plan on engaging in? Give us an example.



I'm not sure I know what you mean


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> You've met this woman I person, correct? Do you know what color her eyes are?


No I don't


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I'm not sure I know what you mean



I'm trying to understand if you get the small talk conversations


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> No I don't



So what did you see? Did you make eye contact?


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Should I send one last contact telling her to have a safe and enjoyable trip before I go to sleep and then wait 2 weeks?


Do you know when her flight is? It would be better to send her a text about half an hour before her flight, wishing her a good, safe trip.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> I'm trying to understand if you get the small talk conversations


Yes in the beginning of the first date when I am trying to break the ice


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> So what did you see? Did you make eye contact?


Yes I did but i was able to see that


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Do you know when her flight is? It would be better to send her a text about half an hour before her flight, wishing her a good, safe trip.


She is leaving wednesday


----------



## Ikaika

SMG, I'm not trying to be mean I just want you to understand yourself. Let's assume you forgo the small talk and what you want to do is get to know her. What questions (not interrogation style) do you ask?


----------



## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> So you went out with guys and let them do all the contacting?



You should google "she's just not that into you". There will be several blogs that give you 5/6/10 ways to tell if someone isn't into you. Almost all of them say that if you do all the contacting/ make all the effort that the chick isn't into you.


----------



## turnera

Ikaika said:


> Are you really prepared? Are you flexible enough that changes may come up that you can deal with it, without making judgments? Remember other people have lives too.


My H has this guy who wants to work at H's company that he's starting up. H went to do a band gig today and the guy called, wanting to talk about him coming to work, but H was in the middle of moving the band equipment out of his car, and told the guy he was busy and would call him when it was over. Well, after it was over, one guy called H and he talked all the way home; then another guy called him and he talked for the next hour to that guy; by then it was after 10pm. So then he gets an email from the guy who wants to work for him, saying 'I guess I just wasted four hours of my Sunday working on a plan and two other hour-long meetings for nothing, since you obviously have no interest in bringing me on board. Stupid me for thinking you wanted this to work.'

Do you see what he did there? Not only did he make an assumption about whether my H 'wanted' to call him back - without knowing the truth, that he DID intend to call him but was delayed by outside forces - but he also used a passive aggressive manner so as to put my H on the defensive, giving the guy control over the situation (i.e. set it up so that H has to apologize to him for upsetting him). I told H that the only way to deal with passive aggressive people is to IGNORE the P/A remarks and act like they never said it. 

I bring it up because you did the two things that I just described - a lot! You make assumptions about the women and then you act passive aggressively. It is not attractive, it upsets people, and it makes people not want to be around you.

Do you see that?


----------



## Maricha75

coffee4me said:


> You should google "she's just not that into you". There will be several blogs that give you 5/6/10 ways to tell if someone isn't into you. Almost all of them say that if you do all the contacting/ make all the effort that the chick isn't into you.


To be fair, what he did the very first week, after their first date, I wouldn't contact first, either. I wouldn't know when I was going to get a response!


----------



## coffee4me

Maricha75 said:


> To be fair, what he did the very first week, after their first date, I wouldn't contact first, either. I wouldn't know when I was going to get a response!



Oh! Is this the girl that he told to text she got home ok and then he didn't reply for a few days?


----------



## Maricha75

coffee4me said:


> Oh! Is this the girl that he told to text she got home ok and then he didn't reply for a few days?


YES!!
He put her number to spam folder (with his mother's), and didn't check until 2 days later.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> SMG, I'm not trying to be mean I just want you to understand yourself. Let's assume you forgo the small talk and what you want to do is get to know her. What questions (not interrogation style) do you ask?


first date?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> first date?



Yes on a first date. But, more important do you remember anything about her after a first date?


----------



## SMG15

coffee4me said:


> You should google "she's just not that into you". There will be several blogs that give you 5/6/10 ways to tell if someone isn't into you. Almost all of them say that if you do all the contacting/ make all the effort that the chick isn't into you.


Well explain why she would reply back to my request to cuddle through text with

I'm not ready for all that


When she could have ignored me and deleted the text


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Yes on a first date. But, more important do you remember anything about her after a first date?


Talk about everything around us, weather, travel time to the place we met at,


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Well explain why she would reply back to my request to cuddle through text with
> 
> I'm not ready for all that
> 
> 
> When she could have ignored me and deleted the text


1. She isn't like you.
2. The POLITE thing to do is to respond, not just blew someone off.
3. We shouldn't have to keep repeating ourselves.
4. You can't REALLY be this thick...


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Talk about everything around us, weather, travel time to the place we met at,



So, this is not just some possible date? This was the actual date? If this was the date you were on, what were some things you learned about her? I'm not trying to pry or get personal, I just want to understand something about your style of dating?


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> 1. She isn't like you.
> 2. The POLITE thing to do is to respond, not just blew someone off.
> 3. We shouldn't have to keep repeating ourselves.
> 4. You can't REALLY be this thick...



So how long is someone going to be polite before saying I'm not interested?


BTW: she scheduled the 2nd date not me


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> So, this is not just some possible date? This was the actual date? If this was the date you were on, what were some things you learned about her? I'm not trying to pry or get personal, I just want to understand something about your style of dating?


Found out what she did for a living, where she grew up, info about her parents, what type of food she likes, silly facts about her I couldn't tell just by looking at her, she likes football and the teams we like are rivals, she has dated in about 3 years


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So how long is someone going to be polite before saying I'm not interested?
> 
> 
> BTW: she scheduled the 2nd date not me


You can politely tell someone you are not interested. There are plenty of ways to do it. You remain polite, regardless. C'mon, SMG. You're 30-something years old... or so you claim. And you have been told MANY times, in your other threads as well.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You can politely tell someone you are not interested. There are plenty of ways to do it. You remain polite, regardless. C'mon, SMG. You're 30-something years old... or so you claim. And you have been told MANY times, in your other threads as well.


Well she hasn't done that yet


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Found out what she did for a living, where she grew up, info about her parents, what type of food she likes, silly facts about her I couldn't tell just by looking at her, she likes football and the teams we like are rivals, she has dated in about 3 years



Ok.


----------



## Cooper

People, people, people...everyone keeps telling SMG15 the same things over and over, almost 400 post just on this thread alone! And think of all the postings and advise on his other threads! I'm beginning to wonder who is more dense, SMG15 or the rest of the TAM members! lol


----------



## DayOne

Most successful "Rhymes with roll" ever? 27 pages?!?!


----------



## Rowan

DayOne said:


> Most successful "Rhymes with roll" ever? 27 pages?!?!


Either that or an undiagnosed spectrum disorder. The sensitivity to overstimulation, apparent processing issues, lack of social skills, inability to read social cues, lack of empathy, inflexibility in the face of changes to schedule or plan, failure to really connect on an interpersonal level even in one-on-one situations, insistence on "rules" particular to him.......

I suppose a personality disorder is also an option. There's certainly plenty of obvious narcissism and etcetera here. But the other issues lead me to think it's not a personality disorder - or at least not _just_ a personality disorder.


----------



## turnera

Have you ever been checked for Aspergers, SMG?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Rowan said:


> Either that or an undiagnosed spectrum disorder. The sensitivity to overstimulation, apparent processing issues, lack of social skills, inability to read social cues, lack of empathy, inflexibility in the face of changes to schedule or plan, failure to really connect on an interpersonal level even in one-on-one situations, insistence on "rules" particular to him.......
> 
> I suppose a personality disorder is also an option. There's certainly plenty of obvious narcissism and etcetera here. But the other issues lead me to think it's not a personality disorder - or at least not _just_ a personality disorder.


Totally agree. And, I don't even think it's "undiagnosed." Of course it's none of our business, but it does explain a lot.


----------



## Holland

Cooper said:


> People, people, people...everyone keeps telling SMG15 the same things over and over, almost 400 post just on this thread alone! And think of all the postings and advise on his other threads! I'm beginning to wonder who is more dense, SMG15 or the rest of the TAM members! lol


Some of us are just here for the fun of it, not dense at all but just like a good old online laugh.


----------



## Cooper

Holland said:


> Some of us are just here for the fun of it, not dense at all but just like a good old online laugh.



Just for the record I include myself under the dense description, I answered enough of SMG15's threads myself in the beginning thinking I could help, then I answered some more threads just for the fun of it. Then I just got bored and it wasn't fun any longer.


----------



## Holland

Cooper said:


> Just for the record I include myself under the dense description, I answered enough of SMG15's threads myself in the beginning thinking I could help, then I answered some more threads just for the fun of it. Then I just got bored and it wasn't fun any longer.


I go through cycles with him, sometimes it's fun and then other times it is boring.

Either way SMG keep up the good work mate >


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> Have you ever been checked for Aspergers, SMG?



I don't think I have it since i been on 2 dates


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I don't think I have it since i been on 2 dates


Even people with Asperger's date and get married. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you make it to date 2. It does have a lot to do with your social awkwardness.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I don't think I have it since i been on 2 dates



If there is a third one, make sure you make eye contact and get her eye color. And, don't put yourself in a situation of stimulation overload.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> If there is a third one, make sure you make eye contact and get her eye color. And, don't put yourself in a situation of stimulation overload.


Probably won't be a 3rd one because of the reasons below

1. She rarely contacts me first

2. She definitely won't contact me on vacation

3. I refuse to spend money on someone who doesn't think about me


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Probably won't be a 3rd one because of the reasons below
> 
> 1. She rarely contacts me first
> 
> 2. She definitely won't contact me on vacation
> 
> 3. I refuse to spend money on someone who doesn't think about me


Me, me, me. I, I, I. You haven't taken anything we have said to heart.


----------



## coffee4me

SMG15 said:


> I don't think I have it (aspergers) since i been on 2 dates



This is why I keep reading these threads. Answers like this crack me up. SMG you are funny!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I don't think I have it since i been on 2 dates


False thinking.

I have a cousin just a bit younger than you who has been married for 5 years. He has Asperger's. I know their marriage has been quite rocky, though. Honestly, I can't imagine being married to him.

My unprofessional opinion is that you are TEXTBOOK Asperger's. That's not a criticism. It's meant to spur you on to get help to better function in society.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Probably won't be a 3rd one because of the reasons below
> 
> 
> 
> 1. She rarely contacts me first
> 
> 
> 
> 2. She definitely won't contact me on vacation
> 
> 
> 
> 3. I refuse to spend money on someone who doesn't think about me



Oh boy, back to the ground floor. 


Let's start with your next date, with any woman.

It will take effort, but think of at least three things you like about her (could be part of the conversation). Make eye contact. If you want to make a complement, concentrate on something like her earrings (facial feature or adornment). Think about ways to put her at ease, concentrating on making her time with you enjoyable. Women love laugh, but just don't go to that well too often.


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> I don't think I have it since i been on 2 dates


Not what I asked. I asked if you've ever been checked for it.


----------



## Ikaika

SecondTime'Round said:


> False thinking.
> 
> I have a cousin just a bit younger than you who has been married for 5 years. He has Asperger's. I know their marriage has been quite rocky, though. Honestly, I can't imagine being married to him.
> 
> My unprofessional opinion is that you are TEXTBOOK Asperger's. That's not a criticism. It's meant to spur you on to get help to better function in society.



SMG,

Aspergers does not imply you are broken or cannot enjoy a healthy relationship, but it will take a bit more effort on your part. 

Get a therapist while you are on the dating scene to help coach along this journey.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Oh boy, back to the ground floor.
> 
> 
> Let's start with your next date, with any woman.
> 
> It will take effort, but think of at least three things you like about her (could be part of the conversation). Make eye contact. If you want to make a complement, concentrate on something like her earrings (facial feature or adornment). Think about ways to put her at ease, concentrating on making her time with you enjoyable. Women love laugh, but just don't go to that well too often.


That's what I did on both dates


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> That's what I did on both dates


If so why do you default to this position?



SMG15 said:


> Probably won't be a 3rd one because of the reasons below
> 
> 
> 
> 1. She rarely contacts me first
> 
> 
> 
> 2. She definitely won't contact me on vacation
> 
> 
> 
> 3. I refuse to spend money on someone who doesn't think about me



Anyway you can't expect her think about you that much after this short period of time. Some people, men and women take time. I know I do. 


What are three things that you like about her that you would like to have a third date?


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> If so why do you default to this position?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Anyway you can't expect her think about you that much after this short period of time. Some people, men and women take time. I know I do.
> 
> 
> What are three things that you like about her that you would like to have a third date?


Openminded

Classy

Sense of Humor


----------



## Prodigal

Apparently the OP'er and responders are really getting something out of this, although after yesterday morning's laugh, I fear I'm beginning to scratch my head.

I suppose it's for yuks and a good time. I hope long-term TAM'ers here realize this is a game. You guys DO realize that, don't you?


----------



## turnera

SecondTime'Round said:


> False thinking.
> 
> I have a cousin just a bit younger than you who has been married for 5 years. He has Asperger's. I know their marriage has been quite rocky, though. Honestly, I can't imagine being married to him.
> 
> My unprofessional opinion is that you are TEXTBOOK Asperger's. That's not a criticism. It's meant to spur you on to get help to better function in society.


My 'adopted' nephew has Asperger's; he's 24; he's been trying to date for almost 10 years. With no luck. Why? Because he has social anxiety. Because he has INCREDIBLE trouble understanding how other people think. Because when he is with other people, it is always all.about.him. And because he has absolutely no idea what makes a girl tick. He still lives at home and is going to be trying to move out of state this year, but people are worried he won't be able to handle being that far away from his parents because he doesn't do well with change. He loves his parents but also has tons of resentment against them.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Openminded
> 
> 
> 
> Classy
> 
> 
> 
> Sense of Humor



What do think she would say about you if she were here?

Be honest with yourself.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Openminded
> 
> Classy
> 
> Sense of Humor


Think about those things. Think of one thing that you can say is an example of how she is openminded. Same with classy. What about her makes her classy? What do YOU consider classy? What was one thing she said to you that indicated she had a good sense of humor?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> My 'adopted' nephew has Asperger's; he's 24; he's been trying to date for almost 10 years. With no luck. Why? Because he has social anxiety. Because he has INCREDIBLE trouble understanding how other people think. Because when he is with other people, it is always all.about.him. And because he has absolutely no idea what makes a girl tick. He still lives at home and is going to be trying to move out of state this year, but people are worried he won't be able to handle being that far away from his parents because he doesn't do well with change. He loves his parents but also has tons of resentment against them.


I remember a girl asking me in college....."so what makes you tick?

I had no idea what she is talking about lol


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> What do think she would say about you if she were here?
> 
> Be honest with yourself.




Funny

Classy

Openminded


----------



## Ikaika

I'm still trying to wrap my head around, you made eye contact but don't recall the color of her eyes. For me, I'm drawn to a woman's eyes. 

A simple smile with eye contact can be more than a thousands words. 

So be honest, how much eye contact did you make?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Funny
> 
> Classy
> 
> Openminded


Why?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Funny
> 
> 
> 
> Classy
> 
> 
> 
> Openminded



Interesting response.


----------



## Maricha75

Ikaika said:


> Interesting response.


Classy and openminded... for both of them.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I remember a girl asking me in college....."so what makes you tick?
> 
> 
> 
> I had no idea what she is talking about lol



This says a lot and I believe when you learn what makes you tick, you will be in a better place to date.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Think about those things. Think of one thing that you can say is an example of how she is openminded. Same with classy. What about her makes her classy? What do YOU consider classy? What was one thing she said to you that indicated she had a good sense of humor?


She doesn't judge people for being a little silly

She doesn't use foul language and very pleasant

She isn't afraid to be silly and make fun of herself


----------



## Ikaika

I dropped my car of for free 5K servicing today, and I can tell you a lot about the cashier (in the short five minutes):

Her name
Eye color
Hair color
Her earrings, style and color
Approximately how tall she was
And I was not trying to date her, I was just being friendly, social skills. I could tell she was having a hard day, so I tried to make it a little better with a smile (eye contact) and a non threatening comment. 

Try it in a situation where you are not trying to pick up on a lady. Concentrate on the other person, not you. Think about how they are feeling (not about you but just some empathy).


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> She doesn't judge people for being a little silly
> 
> 
> 
> She doesn't use foul language and very pleasant
> 
> 
> 
> She isn't afraid to be silly and make fun of herself



So you are concerned about how others judge you?


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> So you are concerned about how others judge you?


Well we shared silly facts about ourselves and she didn't consider me a weirdo which was a good thing

Lots of women in philly think they always have to be normal even behind close doors


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> I dropped my car of for free 5K servicing today, and I can tell you a lot about the cashier (in the short five minutes):
> 
> Her name
> Eye color
> Hair color
> Her earrings, style and color
> Approximately how tall she was
> And I was not trying to date her, I was just being friendly, social skills. I could tell she was having a hard day, so I tried to make it a little better with a smile (eye contact) and a non threatening comment.
> 
> Try it in a situation where you are not trying to pick up on a lady. Concentrate on the other person, not you. Think about how they are feeling (not about you but just some empathy).



I can do that with coworkers, family or friends not strangers


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I can do that with coworkers, family or friends not strangers



Try it with a stranger. You need some practice in these basic skill. I really think you need to work on this skill.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Well we shared silly facts about ourselves and she didn't consider me a weirdo which was a good thing
> 
> Lots of women in philly think they always have to be normal even behind close doors


What kinds of things did you share about yourself? What kinds of "silly facts?"


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What kinds of things did you share about yourself? What kinds of "silly facts?"


If we both come across a brand new song, we will listen to it over and over again for 2 or 3 hours.

Her personality allowed me to share that with her


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Well we shared silly facts about ourselves and she didn't consider me a weirdo which was a good thing
> 
> 
> 
> Lots of women in philly think they always have to be normal even behind close doors



Btw, I met a woman from philly once (really she was originally from jersey), she seemed pretty much like any other woman I met. So I don't know about the statement being particular to philly ladies.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Btw, I met a woman from philly once (really she was originally from jersey), she seemed pretty much like any other woman I met. So I don't know about the statement being particular to philly ladies.


I asked several philly women over the years would they do silly things to their boyfriend behind closed doors and they would always say NO THAT"S WEIRD

Who cares, not like it's being aired on TV


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> I asked several philly women over the years would they do silly things to their boyfriend behind closed doors and they would always say NO THAT"S WEIRD
> 
> Who cares, not like it's being aired on TV


They may have SAID that, but in the actual situation, some may actually behave differently. And, these ladies were ladies you were dating or just random ladies you were talking to?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I asked several philly women over the years would they do silly things to their boyfriend behind closed doors and they would always say NO THAT"S WEIRD
> 
> 
> 
> Who cares, not like it's being aired on TV



One has to define silly, but then again my single sample size of east coast females may not be a fair assessment. 


But back to your interactions with strangers (females) in casual non dating situations. You need to work on this. Think of it as a homework assignment. The checkout cashier or the person standing in line with you. The interaction does not have to last long but you should come away knowing something about that person (nothing deep).

It will help you to relax.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> One has to define silly, but then again my single sample size of east coast females may not be a fair assessment.
> 
> 
> But back to your interactions with strangers (females) in casual non dating situations. You need to work on this. Think of it as a homework assignment. The checkout cashier or the person standing in line with you. The interaction does not have to last long but you should come away knowing something about that person (nothing deep).



Half Naked Twister

Women walking on her boyfriend's back

Role Playing


----------



## Ikaika

Maricha75 said:


> They may have SAID that, but in the actual situation, some may actually behave differently. And, these ladies were ladies you were dating or just random ladies you were talking to?






SMG15 said:


> Half Naked Twister
> 
> 
> 
> Women walking on her boyfriend's back
> 
> 
> 
> Role Playing



I'm with Maricha75 on this one. Not sure my wife would share that information with you and we have done at least two of those.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Half Naked Twister
> 
> Women walking on her boyfriend's back
> 
> Role Playing


What makes you think any kind of aversion to these things is exclusive to women from Philadelphia?

Have you interacted with women from other metro areas who are all in for these activities?

(Oh, and now I know what you mean about you wanting a woman to walk on you on the 4th date)


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> What makes you think any kind of aversion to these things is exclusive to women from Philadelphia?
> 
> Have you interacted with women from other metro areas who are all in for these activities?
> 
> (Oh, and now I know what you mean about you wanting a woman to walk on you on the 4th date)


Saves on a chiropractor bill... or just makes for a higher bill later on.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Saves on a chiropractor bill... or just makes for a higher bill later on.


Plus it's a turn on:grin2:


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Plus it's a turn on:grin2:


If you say so. But, plenty of people have their... quirks.


----------



## SMG15

I get a text tonight someone who felt we should be friends after going on a date back in May

But can't get one from a girl who actually been out with me 2 times


----------



## turnera

You said you wanted female friends. I assume you're responding to her?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> You said you wanted female friends. I assume you're responding to her?


I know but just can't understand why I can't get the same text from someone I spent money on


"Good Morning SMG,"


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> I know but just can't understand why I can't get the same text from someone I spent money on
> 
> 
> "Good Morning SMG,"


That's disgusting.

You realize that, right?

To say, basically, 'hey, biotch, I shelled out cash on you, you owe me.'

What's a common reply you keep getting? That every woman is different, an individual, and will either like you OR NOT, based on her OWN preferences, not yours.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I know but just can't understand why I can't get the same text from someone I spent money on
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "Good Morning SMG,"



If this truly is your attitude you may want to give up dating altogether.


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> That's disgusting.
> 
> You realize that, right?
> 
> To say, basically, 'hey, biotch, I shelled out cash on you, you owe me.'
> 
> What's a common reply you keep getting? That every woman is different, an individual, and will either like you OR NOT, based on her OWN preferences, not yours.


Ok, I spent time with someone in public for 2 hours and can't get a good morning ONCE a week?


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> If this truly is your attitude you may want to give up dating altogether.


So a man should never get contacted first???????????????????


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> So a man should never get contacted first???????????????????



I'm not saying that it is the way you phrased it. "I spent money on her and therefore I expect her to contact me" (paraphrased). And, just because you are out two hours of your life, you still should not have preconceived expectations. Didn't you have fun on the date with her? That should be enough.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> I'm not saying that it is the way you phrased it. "I spent money on her and therefore I expect her to contact me" (paraphrased). And, just because you are out two hours of your life, you still should not have preconceived expectations. Didn't you have fun on the date with her? That should be enough.


But if I go out on 4 dates and she still doesn't contact me first how do I know I'm not being used for free meals?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> But if I go out on 4 dates and she still doesn't contact me first how do I know I'm not being used for free meals?



My guess, is that if she truly is not that interested, it is not likely to go to four dates. I'm not a woman, but I think I know enough about them to make this statement. 

I assume she has a job, so she is not looking for a meal ticket.


----------



## Holland

SMG15 said:


> But if I go out on 4 dates and she still doesn't contact me first how do I know I'm not being used for free meals?


Trust me, no one is spending an excruciating evening with you for a free meal unless they are insane.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Ok, I spent time with someone in public for 2 hours and can't get a good morning ONCE a week?


If she's interested in a relationship with you, yes, you should.

I think this woman decided after the second date she's not interested in you. 

I know you wish she'd ignore your texts if that's the case, but some people don't like to be rude and/or have trouble saying, "I'm not interested in you."


----------



## Rowan

SMG15 said:


> Ok, I spent time with someone in public for 2 hours and can't get a good morning ONCE a week?


I'm interested as to why you're this worked up about someone you've only spent two hours with. Is it because you attach particular importance to being seen _in public _with a woman? Is it because just being in public situations is difficult for you so you think you're owed some type of compensation for doing it? Is it that you imagine that anyone you spend any time, money or effort on is "taking" something from you, so they then owe you something in return?

Fascinating. Simply fascinating......


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Ok, I spent time with someone in public for 2 hours and can't get a good morning ONCE a week?


ARGH!

_SHE DOESN'T OWE YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU SPENT YOUR VALUABLE MONEY!_

Dating is just that - dating to see if you are compatible. What YOU want is a Russian Bride. Just go buy one, so she DOES owe you.


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> But if I go out on 4 dates and she still doesn't contact me first how do I know I'm not being used for free meals?


You never will know, because you're dealing with ANOTHER HUMAN BEING who has her own likes and dislikes, her own needs, her own things that make her happy. 

And yes, it's a fair bet that if she is not calling you up after 4 dates (when did it turn into 4 dates?), she probably doesn't like you and you should give up.

There. Ok?


----------



## tripad

Ikaika said:


> My guess, is that if she truly is not that interested, it is not likely to go to four dates. I'm not a woman, but I think I know enough about them to make this statement.
> 
> I assume she has a job, so she is not looking for a meal ticket.


If I even go on a date and get a "free meal" , count yourself lucky you have two hours of my time ! I am a woman . There are many other things I would rather do if I don't even like a guy , like maybe watch tv alone and just SLEEP . 

I think you need to change the thinking man . 

woman can pick that up very easily and just wont commit .


----------



## tripad

why not just do a not expensive date like a walk with a hot dog , a picnic , a bike trip .

take the pressure off your pocket .

I much prefer such dates , just me . don't want the man to feel I owe him a kiss , or sex just because I ate a meal .


----------



## Maricha75

SMG, you are hung up on this whole text and call thing. Ok, tomorrow, this lady you have gone out with twice is going on her vacation. It was suggested that you text her about an hour before she leaves. If you don't know what time she is leaving, text her tonight, wishing her safe travels and a fun time in California. And, you would like to hear about her vacation when she returns. And, let her know you would enjoy her input on where to go on the next date. 

IF she replies and says simply "thank you" or something similar, don't freak out, asking what she means by that. Just let it stand as it is. That doesn't mean you sit and stew about whether or not you will even have a third date. You could ALWAYS practice date with your friend. Let her help guide you. And I bet she says the same thing we have... every woman is different.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Can't. Look. Away. Train. Wreck.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG, 

Try my homework assignment... engage someone (female) in a casual conversation you are *not* asking out on a date. This can be someone you are waiting in line with, a cashier, etc. Find three things about that person you can report on here. They can be three physical attributes (stay away from the neck down attributes, that is too creepy) or the person's name, or a combination of things, etc. Focus on that person and *not* you or how you perceive that person thinks of you. Get comfortable with casual conversations before you attempt those deeper dating conversations.


----------



## SMG15

Well I decided to put her on the spam list with intent to dismiss in 11 days

If no contact from her on by Sat, the 22nd, her number will be deleted


No way in hell am I going to contact her first when she was the one on vacation


----------



## SMG15

tripad said:


> If I even go on a date and get a "free meal" , count yourself lucky you have two hours of my time ! I am a woman . There are many other things I would rather do if I don't even like a guy , like maybe watch tv alone and just SLEEP .
> 
> I think you need to change the thinking man .
> 
> woman can pick that up very easily and just wont commit .



So when a man spends his money on a woman he is not supposed to have any expectations huh??


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> So when a man spends his money on a woman he is not supposed to have any expectations huh??


The only expectation a man should have is that the woman is trying to get to know him to see if she likes him and if he likes her. That is ALL.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Well I decided to put her on the spam list with intent to dismiss in 11 days
> 
> If no contact from her on by Sat, the 22nd, her number will be deleted
> 
> 
> No way in hell am I going to contact her first when she was the one on vacation


I think this is a wise plan.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Well I decided to put her on the spam list with intent to dismiss in 11 days
> 
> 
> 
> If no contact from her on by Sat, the 22nd, her number will be deleted
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> No way in hell am I going to contact her first when she was the one on vacation



Losing strategy on your part. While you don't have to contact her during her time in CA, the least you could do is send her a txt tomorrow. "Have a fun and safe trip".


----------



## SMG15

tripad said:


> why not just do a not expensive date like a walk with a hot dog , a picnic , a bike trip .
> 
> take the pressure off your pocket .
> 
> I much prefer such dates , just me . don't want the man to feel I owe him a kiss , or sex just because I ate a meal .


well i tried to do that this week but she is leaving tomorrow


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> So when a man spends his money on a woman he is not supposed to have any expectations huh??



So if a person pays tuition they should expect to get all As?


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> The only expectation a man should have is that the woman is trying to get to know him to see if she likes him and if he likes her. That is ALL.


Well it doesn't look like she is interested because I do all the contacting


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Well it doesn't look like she is interested because I do all the contacting



That may be true, but it would still be a nice gesture to wish her a fun and safe trip. If these are the last words, then you are better for it.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> Losing strategy on your part. While you don't have to contact her during her time in CA, the least you could do is send her a txt tomorrow. "Have a fun and safe trip".


sent that last night


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> sent that last night



That was the right thing to do... It's ok to move on. It is even better to start building a better you. One not solely focused just on you. 

Try the social skills exercise I suggested.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> sent that last night


Good for you. If she didn't respond, she's probably not interested in you. Move on.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> That was the right thing to do... It's ok to move on. It is even better to start building a better you. One not solely focused just on you.
> 
> Try the social skills exercise I suggested.



Yeah I definitely need those. I get uncomfortable walking past coworkers in the hallway


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Yeah I definitely need those. I get uncomfortable walking past coworkers in the hallway



You know what, that's ok... Practice, practice, practice... I can't emphasize this enough. Good social skills are not always a natural thing. You may need more work than others. Start by making smiling eye contact as you pass female coworkers in the hallway.


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> So when a man spends his money on a woman he is not supposed to have any expectations huh??


*NO!*


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> well i tried to do that this week but she is leaving tomorrow


No, you didn't. You invited her to YOUR PLACE. And guess what that means to women?

SEX.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> You know what, that's ok... Practice, practice, practice... I can't emphasize this enough. Good social skills is not always a natural thing. You may need more work than others. Start by making smiling eye contact as you pass female coworkers in the hallway.


Smile and say what?


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> No, you didn't. You invited her to YOUR PLACE. And guess what that means to women?
> 
> SEX.



Not all the time.


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> Smile and say what?



Start slow, simple "hi and how are you today". Very important to then listen if they respond.

You would be surprised how far eye contact and a smile goes.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Not all the time.


Every single woman in this thread told you what it sounded like to them. These are different women, different ages, different walks of life, and many have had VERY different experiences. Now, when you have that much diversity, and all saying the same thing, you ought to listen! Even MEN were agreeing with us. This should tell you something about your approach.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Every single woman in this thread told you what it sounded like to them. These are different women, different ages, different walks of life, and many have had VERY different experiences. Now, when you have that much diversity, and all saying the same thing, you ought to listen! Even MEN were agreeing with us. This should tell you something about your approach.


All men are not trying to F*CK the first time a woman comes to his place.

I'm not a ANIMAL


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> All men are not trying to F*CK the first time a woman comes to his place.
> 
> I'm not a ANIMAL


You aren't LISTENING. We didn't say that's what you are PLANNING. We said that's how it is INTERPRETED. Your intent may have been innocent, but that is not how it READ.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> You aren't LISTENING. We didn't say that's what you are PLANNING. We said that's how it is INTERPRETED. Your intent may have been innocent, but that is not how it READ.


So when should a guy invite a girl to his place? The 7th date?


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> So when should a guy invite a girl to his place? The 7th date?



It's not about a specific number, this again is a social skill. Let's take a step at a time. Get multiple dates with one woman first and come back here if you are having difficulty reading the physical and verbal cues.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So when should a guy invite a girl to his place? The 7th date?


I don't think there is any set time to invite her to his place. Just be aware that she interprets an invitation to your place to mean the POSSIBILITY of sex. And, even if she accepts, you shouldn't ASSUME she wants sex. She may go, but hope her initial interpretation is wrong. Not every woman is ready to go back to your place at the 2nd...3rd... even 10th date. No set time, remember (which I am sure others have stated). Don't get hung up on sitting at home with a girl. Get to know her.


----------



## Ikaika

Maricha75 said:


> I don't think there is any set time to invite her to his place. Just be aware that she interprets an invitation to your place to mean the POSSIBILITY of sex. And, even if she accepts, you shouldn't ASSUME she wants sex. She may go, but hope her initial interpretation is wrong. Not every woman is ready to go back to your place at the 2nd...3rd... even 10th date. No set time, remember (which I am sure others have stated). Don't get hung up on sitting at home with a girl. Get to know her.



this... Articulated better than I could have said it


----------



## Ikaika

SMG, 
Don't get too anxious at this point, just start building some foundational social skills.

Start with the homework and come back here with your progress.


----------



## SMG15

Ikaika said:


> SMG,
> Don't get too anxious at this point, just start building some foundational social skills.
> 
> Start with the homework and come back here with your progress.


Two people who are not in contact with each other for 9 days will likely forget about one another.

Let's just say this vacation came at a bad time


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Two people who are not in contact with each other for 9 days will likely forget about one another.
> 
> Let's just say this vacation came at a bad time


Uhhhh.... no. Unless you have a VERY bad memory, that is not going to happen. Teenagers remember each other when apart for Spring Break and/or Christmas. I hardly think a grown man and woman will forget each other after one week of not seeing each other. You put too much stress on this. Stop it.


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Uhhhh.... no. Unless you have a VERY bad memory, that is not going to happen. Teenagers remember each other when apart for Spring Break and/or Christmas. I hardly think a grown man and woman will forget each other after one week of not seeing each other. You put too much stress on this. Stop it.


I will see but I expect the FIRE to go out. 


This is why I hate meeting someone new around major holidays like 

July 4th
Thanksgiving 
Christmas


----------



## Ikaika

SMG15 said:


> I will see but I expect the FIRE to go out.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is why I hate meeting someone new around major holidays like
> 
> 
> 
> July 4th
> 
> Thanksgiving
> 
> Christmas



Chalk it up to experience... It is not as if she or you have poor memories and not even sure there was fire in the first place. I'm just being honest with you. If there was fire, it would take some time to get over it for both of you, longer than nine days and surpassing any holiday. 

And, reality this is an opportunity to learn about how to build your skills for the next time, more than likely the next person. So, don't focus on this one person. There are plenty more ladies out there, you just have to learn to be the right guy for one of them. "If you want to meet the right person, you have to be the right person". 

Remember, you are not broken but you do need some tools. These tools you will have to work on.


----------



## BetrayedDad

SMG15 said:


> Well she responded to my text about the cuddle thing and this was her reply
> 
> "I don't think I'm ready for all that"


After two dates? You sound like a stage 5 clinger.

I've read a bunch of your threads, to my dismay.

Honestly, your game is absolutely horrible.

You're probably a decent looking guy but you come off as a creep.

SLOW YOUR ROLL BRO. Man are you dense as a rock.

You're trying to catch a bunny. Bunnies are timid. You have to slowly inch your way towards them with something to nibble on. You don't just lunge towards them or throw the carrot at their heads. Of course, they will run away like a bat out of hell. 

I'll start your next thread for you, "Ladies, last night I asked her to move in during our fourth date and she looked stunned. So I ditched her at the restaurant, stuck her with the bill and went home. I'll give her twelve hours to contact me then I'm blocking her number forever. Do you think she's into me?"


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> I will see but I expect the FIRE to go out.
> 
> 
> This is why I hate meeting someone new around major holidays like
> 
> July 4th
> Thanksgiving
> Christmas


SMG, there was no fire to begin with. 

Have you ever had a long term relationship? If so. what was your longest relationship and what was she like?


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Two people who are not in contact with each other for 9 days will likely forget about one another.
> 
> Let's just say this vacation came at a bad time


Wow. I take it that you can't remember any of your high school or college friends, then?


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Smile and say what?


Anything appropriate.

Hi, how are you?

Hi!

Hi, man, it's really hot outside today!

Hi, that's a really pretty dress.

Hi, I'm new here; what do you recommend on the menu?

Hi, my friend suggested I try this place, what's good?


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Not all the time.


I didn't say you HAVE sex when you invite a woman to your place. I said she INTERPRETS your invitation to mean that you WANT to have sex. 

Women, like the bunny analogy, are all about safety, being the weaker sex. We always have to worry about our safety. So every man we meet, we instantly assess him in terms of is he a creep (and yes, you come across as a creep), is he going to attack me, is he going to try to get me into a room where I can't get out of, and should I meet him in public so I can get away?

No matter who the guy is, we think those things.

So when you invite her to your place after only one or two dates, our creep radar goes off. And we'll probably never talk to you again.

You don't have to spend money on us if you're cheap (and you are), you can just go for a walk around the park and talk, or go to a museum, or go watch a college baseball game...who cares, as long as you're spending time together.


----------



## Unique Username

turnera said:


> Wow. I take it that you can't remember any of your high school or college friends, then?


That's funny 

I would suppose it would depend upon how long ago High School was, right?

I remember more of my College friends than High School....faces...not necessarily names.

now, back to the regularly scheduled programming

Dude (OP) sounds immature, clingy and desperate[

My best advice is to slooooooooow down
A date or two or three does not a relationship make
maybe watch "He's just Not That Into You" movie - you would be Ginnifer Goodwin's Character Gigi Phillips


----------



## Maricha75

Unique Username said:


> That's funny
> 
> I would suppose it would depend upon how long ago High School was, right?
> 
> I remember more of my College friends than High School....faces...not necessarily names.
> 
> now, back to the regularly scheduled programming
> 
> Dude (OP) sounds immature, clingy and desperate[
> 
> My best advice is to slooooooooow down
> A date or two or three does not a relationship make
> maybe watch "He's just Not That Into You" movie - you would be Ginnifer Goodwin's Character Gigi Phillips


Hey, now. He's younger than I am, and I remember nearly every, if not every, name AND face from high school! And that was over 20 years ago!


----------



## Ikaika

Maricha75 said:


> Hey, now. He's younger than I am, and I remember nearly every, if not every, name AND face from high school! And that was over 20 years ago!



I'm 55 and I recall the ladies from HS, college, graduate school 

Ok, not about me... SMG, homework, homework, homework... Please do the assignment.


----------



## ILoveSparkles

SMG15 said:


> Because she doesn't know how to text, she sends pointless things
> 
> Example, last night she sends a pic of her and two friends at a restaurant. What kind of response was she looking for? She would have done better putting that on her facebook page.
> 
> She confuses facebook and texting. Facebook is for boring and pointless info not a text message
> 
> If someone is texting me it should be
> 
> 1. Informative/New Info
> 
> 2. confirming details of something planned
> 
> 
> Not my fault she has a boring boyfriend who works 78 hours a week and always tired. So she needs to find a new companion and stop sending me so many pointless text.
> 
> 
> Now if she was having dinner in NYC then I would have been like
> 
> "Oh you in Manhattan tonight I see, well enjoy.'
> 
> 
> But she is sending a pic about having dinner in Philly lol



So basically you will only respond depending your mothers location. She sent you a picture of herself and her friends. She wanted to show you the fun she was having. 

At the minimum you could have texted a "smiley face" to acknowledge her. Or a "Glad you're having a nice time". 

Someday you're going to miss those text messages and pictures. Don't take any of this for granted.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Maricha75 said:


> Hey, now. He's younger than I am, and I remember nearly every, if not every, name AND face from high school! And that was over 20 years ago!



Haha, me too, but I was in a class of only 20, so I remember all of their names and know where nearly all of them live! 

I do well with college friends, too. And people I met only 2 weeks ago? Yep, oddly enough, I remember them, too!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Yes said:


> At the minimum you could have texted a "smiley face" to acknowledge her.


Seriously! Emoticons are the lazy man's tool for texting!


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> Seriously! Emoticons are the lazy man's tool for texting!


Well, ya know....


----------



## Maricha75

SecondTime'Round said:


> Haha, me too, but I was in a class of only 20, so I remember all of their names and know where nearly all of them live!
> 
> I do well with college friends, too. And people I met only 2 weeks ago? Yep, oddly enough, I remember them, too!


Haha! My graduating class was about 100. And, oddly enough, we all (mostly) were friends, or at least friendly with each other.


----------



## SMG15

turnera said:


> I didn't say you HAVE sex when you invite a woman to your place. I said she INTERPRETS your invitation to mean that you WANT to have sex.
> 
> Women, like the bunny analogy, are all about safety, being the weaker sex. We always have to worry about our safety. So every man we meet, we instantly assess him in terms of is he a creep (and yes, you come across as a creep), is he going to attack me, is he going to try to get me into a room where I can't get out of, and should I meet him in public so I can get away?
> 
> No matter who the guy is, we think those things.
> 
> So when you invite her to your place after only one or two dates, our creep radar goes off. And we'll probably never talk to you again.
> 
> You don't have to spend money on us if you're cheap (and you are), you can just go for a walk around the park and talk, or go to a museum, or go watch a college baseball game...who cares, as long as you're spending time together.




Funny you say that because when I called myself being a gentleman last year when I met a woman off pOF, she wanted to have sex and when I said let's not go there yet. She felt unattractive and started crying and left.

I am always respectful when a woman comes to visit me


----------



## SMG15

Yes said:


> So basically you will only respond depending your mothers location. She sent you a picture of herself and her friends. She wanted to show you the fun she was having.
> 
> At the minimum you could have texted a "smiley face" to acknowledge her. Or a "Glad you're having a nice time".
> 
> Someday you're going to miss those text messages and pictures. Don't take any of this for granted.


Texting is not supposed to replace face to face or telephone communication

She could have showed me that photo when I saw her face to face or put it on Facebook


----------



## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Funny you say that because when I called myself being a gentleman last year when I met a woman off pOF, she wanted to have sex and when I said let's not go there yet. She felt unattractive and started crying and left.
> 
> I am always respectful when a woman comes to visit me


You still are not listening. 

They DON'T KNOW THAT YOU DON'T WANT SEX when you invite them there.

The woman you described didn't feel unattractive, she was ashamed for coming on to you and then being rejected. Women have a different standard when it comes to being sexual.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Texting is not supposed to replace face to face or telephone communication
> 
> She could have showed me that photo when I saw her face to face or put it on Facebook


So Facebook replaces face to face communication, but texting doesn't?


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Texting is not supposed to replace face to face or telephone communication
> 
> She could have showed me that photo when I saw her face to face or put it on Facebook


Well, actually, in a way, it kind of IS supposed to replace it. You know, so you don't have to hear someone go on and on and on about a celebrity they like... they text it, you read it quickly, and done. Oh... forgot... those go to spam.

Seriously, though, texting IS supposed to replace SOME aspects. Like, the CONSTANT calling because you forget something. You can text it, instead. And, you can send the text while thinking of it, rather than waiting and HOPE you remember when you can make a call.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Funny you say that because when I called myself being a gentleman last year when I met a woman off pOF, she wanted to have sex and when I said let's not go there yet. She felt unattractive and started crying and left.
> 
> I am always respectful when a woman comes to visit me


Open your eyes. Read with comprehension.

Your. Intentions. Did. Not. Matter. She. INTERPRETED. Your. Invitation. To. Mean. Sex. Was. Happening... AND SHE WENT BECAUSE *SHE* WAS READY FOR THAT!


----------



## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> So Facebook replaces face to face communication, but texting doesn't?


Facebook is for sharing photos not a text message


Text messages are for

1. Confirmation of plans

2. New Information


The end


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> Facebook is for sharing photos not a text message
> 
> 
> Text messages are for
> 
> 1. Confirmation of plans
> 
> 2. New Information
> 
> 
> The end


No. Text messages are for sharing photos, too. You are wrong on that one. If it was not meant to share photos you wouldn't be ABLE to share photos. I send photos of my kids to my mother-in-law, via text. She does not have Facebook, nor any other social media. Seriously, SMG, it's time to move into 2015. It appears even your MOM got that memo...


----------



## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Open your eyes. Read with comprehension.
> 
> Your. Intentions. Did. Not. Matter. She. INTERPRETED. Your. Invitation. To. Mean. Sex. Was. Happening... AND SHE WENT BECAUSE *SHE* WAS READY FOR THAT!


So when a woman agrees to go to a man's place she is expecting sex???????????????????????


----------



## Prodigal

Yawn. Well, she's not expecting a rousing game of checkers and a can of Chef Boyardee ...

... or scintillating conversation.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> So when a woman agrees to go to a man's place she is expecting sex???????????????????????


Let's try this again. And I know I said. This. Exact. Same. Thing. Before.

When she accepts the invitatuon, she expects that's what YOU want, even if SHE is somewhat hoping otherwise. She expects that is what YOU want, and when you REJECT her, she feels embarrassed. 

Now, I know some are hoping you just lack social skills, but I am inclined, more than ever, to believe you are just screwing with us.


----------



## SMG15

Prodigal said:


> Yawn. Well, she's not expecting a rousing game of checkers and a can of Chef Boyardee ...
> 
> ... or scintillating conversation.


Well I believe I said cuddling/watching movie/kissing/dinner


She said she NOT READY for all that, so I guess I should have put checkers in the text


----------



## Prodigal

SMG15 said:


> Well I believe I said cuddling/watching movie/kissing/dinner
> 
> She said she NOT READY for all that, so I guess I should have put checkers in the text


YES. You should definitely have let her know you wanted to play checkers, parchesi, monopoly, and top off the evening with a rousing game of charades. Or you could have said, "Let's have hot, steamy, banned-in-eight-states jungle sex."

Or you could have said let's "cuddle." Yeah, right. 

Okay, I'm done toying with you. I find it boring. The other TAM'ers here can soldier on. Again, YAWN. 

This thread will probably be active through New Year's Eve when you want to know if you should slip your date the tongue or not.:rofl:


----------



## SMG15

Prodigal said:


> YES. You should definitely have let her know you wanted to play checkers, parchesi, monopoly, and top off the evening with a rousing game of charades. Or you could have said, "Let's have hot, steamy, banned-in-eight-states jungle sex."
> 
> Or you could have said let's "cuddle." Yeah, right.
> 
> Okay, I'm done toying with you. I find it boring. The other TAM'ers here can soldier on. Again, YAWN.
> 
> This thread will probably be active through New Year's Eve when you want to know if you should slip your date the tongue or not.:rofl:



Playing Checkers is after you have sex


----------



## Holland

SMG15 said:


> Playing Checkers is after you have sex


Have you ever had sex? Sleeping is for after sex, who has the energy to play Checkers?


----------



## SMG15

Holland said:


> Have you ever had sex? Sleeping is for after sex, who has the energy to play Checkers?


Not right after, I am talking about the NEXT VISIT. The first visit no one is thinking about no damm checkers

Most guys are thinking about that A$$:grin2:


----------



## Holland

Why wouldn't you just have more sex on the NEXT VISIT?

Checkers is for very young and very old people, not those of us who have active sex lives.


----------



## SMG15

Holland said:


> Why wouldn't you just have more sex on the NEXT VISIT?
> 
> Checkers is for very young and very old people, not those of us who have active sex lives.


What about "half naked twister"?


----------



## Holland

Yeah well Mr H is very tall and broad, he would probably squash me to death playing naked Twister.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Facebook is for sharing photos not a text message
> 
> 
> Text messages are for
> 
> 1. Confirmation of plans
> 
> 2. New Information
> 
> 
> The end


Then why do you even care if the woman you are dating texts you good morning? That's not a confirmation of plans OR new information. Yet, you've lamented not getting it.


----------



## BetrayedDad

SMG15 said:


> So when a woman agrees to go to a man's place she is expecting sex???????????????????????


Let me make this really simple for you to understand with an example.

Have you watched ANY movie in the last 50 years? OK. Think carefully, do they usually say, "Want to go fvck?" or are they more tactful and say, "Want to come back to my place?". 

I am in disbelief you are this socially inept. No wonder I did so well the few months I online dated... If you're the type I was competing against. I'm out of this thread too, OP is hopeless.


----------



## Kylie84

What I want to know is this: WHY on Earth is this thread now up to 36 pages? The OP is clearly so inept of common/standard social standards to the point where I wonder if he is a sociopath.
I cannot generate any advice for you, OP. I think you need some form of social training and therapy to deal with your mother issues.
Good luck with life dude.


----------



## SMG15

quick question

in the future how do I go about holding her hand on a date?

I was on two dates with this girl and we had 2 long walks on date number one and one walk on date number 2 and I never held her hand


----------



## SMG15

Personal said:


> Do you also require instruction on how to tie your shoe laces, brush your teeth, comb your hair, make a bed, use a knife & fork, pick your nose and make decisions?


I asked a question and since you don't want to help log the f*ck out


----------



## Holland

SMG15 said:


> quick question
> 
> in the future how do I go about holding her hand on a date?
> 
> I was on two dates with this girl and we had 2 long walks on date number one and one walk on date number 2 and I never held her hand


That's a tough one, I'll ask my son when he gets home from school.


----------



## turnera

SMG, come on. How to hold a hand? You touch her hand with yours, and if she opens her hand to touch yours, you grasp it.


----------



## tripad

SMG15 said:


> So when a man spends his money on a woman he is not supposed to have any expectations huh??





SMG15 said:


> Well it doesn't look like she is interested because I do all the contacting


So i buy a man a meal , what can i expect ? be my repair man for the night ?

please . the woman in this modern day earns money too . No sex for a meal unless she wants to give it to you .

if you are so hung up about it , the woman can feel it and we woman feel disgusted , speaking for myself .

if she's not interested , then maybe you are courting the wrong kind of girl who doesn't like you . Review time . then dont waste time , drop her .

Dont get so fixated on getting sex .


----------



## Maricha75

tripad said:


> So i buy a man a meal , what can i expect ? be my repair man for the night ?
> 
> please . the woman in this modern day earns money too . No sex for a meal unless she wants to give it to you .
> 
> if you are so hung up about it , the woman can feel it and we woman feel disgusted , speaking for myself .
> 
> if she's not interested , then maybe you are courting the wrong kind of girl who doesn't like you . Review time . then dont waste time , drop her .
> 
> Dont get so fixated on getting sex .


Oh, but, see, he is anxious to have someone to "snuggle" with by the time winter comes. He doesn't want to go out during those cold months. Slip on ice, such a bad impression for a first date. Tsk tsk! 

Yes, he actually did say he doesn't want to go on first dates, or even go out, during the cold months, unless it's for work or other necessities. Missing out on SO MANY potential winter outdoor dates!


----------



## tripad

Thot winter dates would be cool . Ski . Ice skate . Walk n sip hot coffee . Good opp to cuddle .


----------



## Maricha75

tripad said:


> Thot winter dates would be cool . Ski . Ice skate . Walk n sip hot coffee . Good opp to cuddle .


Shhhhhh! No logic allowed! :rofl:


----------



## Chelle D

Hey, SMG15 --- I'm back again after a week off.
I don't have time (and computer doesn't have speed capacity) to go thru 36 pages... so,...

I'm curious if you followed advice and did "not" contact her again before she went on vacation?

Are you still waiting until Aug 21,22nd (?? i don't remember exactly when) to contact her??
Something light & airy... ie "hope vacation was grand, if your up to it, I have enough funds saved for a dinner date, or if is it too soon back from your vacation, I understand"

Wondering if you stuck to your guns & did not contact her again before (or during ) her vacation.


----------



## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Hey, SMG15 --- I'm back again after a week off.
> I don't have time (and computer doesn't have speed capacity) to go thru 36 pages... so,...
> 
> I'm curious if you followed advice and did "not" contact her again before she went on vacation?
> 
> Are you still waiting until Aug 21,22nd (?? i don't remember exactly when) to contact her??
> Something light & airy... ie "hope vacation was grand, if your up to it, I have enough funds saved for a dinner date, or if is it too soon back from your vacation, I understand"
> 
> Wondering if you stuck to your guns & did not contact her again before (or during ) her vacation.




She is back on the spam list, if no text by 23rd, number will be deleted

She left on the 12th so being away 9 days means she should be back by 23rd. I will not contact her again unless she calls or text me after her vacation

What would I look like contacting someone after their vacation? It will look like I was counting the days lol


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> What would I look like contacting someone after their vacation? It will look like I was counting the days lol


Yes, that's true, and if there was mutual interest/attraction, that would be a good thing. But if not, it could make things weird.


----------



## Maricha75

SMG15 said:


> She is back on the spam list, if no text by 23rd, number will be deleted
> 
> She left on the 12th so being away 9 days means she should be back by 23rd. I will not contact her again unless she calls or text me after her vacation
> 
> What would I look like contacting someone after their vacation? It will look like I was counting the days lol


Lord, give me strength... on second thought, don't. 

SMG, you put her in spam. Do you regularly check spam for texts? No. So she could even be texting now, while on vacation, and you don't know it. How long after she returns will you check spam to see if she sent a text? Did you learn from your last screw up with texting and spam? Apparently not. SMG, I mean this in the nicest possible way: play a video game. You aren't ready to date.


----------



## Chelle D

Maybe he does check his spam folder.

Then if she has no further contact to him, that old text falls off his list.
I don't think he has blocked her from contacting his phone in future.

SMG 15: _"What would I look like contacting someone after their vacation? It will look like I was counting the days lol"_

Like SecondTime said,... it would look like you were counting days... IF you contacted the day or the next day after they were due back.
(which also like she said could be good, if both parties were quite interested) However, where did we say you had to contact her the moment or the weekend she gets back?

lighten up a bit. If after a few weeks you didn't find someone else for a date, and you're interested in her as a person....sure, contact her (Well after she gets back). If she seems not interested, or says no, puts you off, etc.. then tick that one off the list and go on to other fish in the ocean.


----------



## Maricha75

Chelle, he said himself, with this SAME GIRL, that he didn't check it regularly. This is the SAME girl he put in spam right after their date, then didn't check until 2 days later... because he was afraid of rejection. The SAME girl he said "let me know you made it home", she did, and sent THREE texts to him. But he didn't check for DAYS.

It's like a train wreck. It's a horrible mess, but you just can't look away...


----------



## Chelle D

Maricha75 said:


> It's like a train wreck. It's a horrible mess, but you just can't look away...


And yet... we want to see the train make it back to the tracks and push forward on it's way... 

Yes, can't look away, but secretly hoping that he "gets it" from someone's advice, and learns how to cope with the female mind. Since he seems determined to interact with it at some relationship level.


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## SMG15

Maricha75 said:


> Lord, give me strength... on second thought, don't.
> 
> SMG, you put her in spam. Do you regularly check spam for texts? No. So she could even be texting now, while on vacation, and you don't know it. How long after she returns will you check spam to see if she sent a text? Did you learn from your last screw up with texting and spam? Apparently not. SMG, I mean this in the nicest possible way: play a video game. You aren't ready to date.


I am checking the spam list on Monday, Thursday, and then the following the Monday for the last time


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## turnera

But what about the NEXT girl you put in spam to avoid rejection? What good does spam do if you check it?


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## SMG15

turnera said:


> But what about the NEXT girl you put in spam to avoid rejection? What good does spam do if you check it?



Spam gives me a peace of mind after a date for a couple dates. Like if I had a date on a sunday and I didn't get a text from her the rest of the day or call

It would make me go to work in a bad mood


But if I check the spam on Wednesday I wont find out that she never sent anything until 3 days later instead of the same day as the date


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## Chelle D

SMG15 said:


> I am checking the spam list on Monday, Thursday, and then the following the Monday for the last time


I call folly. If you're hoping for contact from her.. then you're checking your spam folder regularly....

Or you've really got it ingrained into your routine, to only check on mom's spam messages once or twice a week.

I'm thinking you are using your spam as an automatic "trash' folder.
You don't mind getting messages there, but if they are old, then they will automatic delete after xx number of days. That you don't have to go to the trouble of deleting messages.

If I had been single & 30 & in Philly, Honestly, I don't think I would have wanted to date you either. Thinking that if you didn't care to contact me after 4 days, I'd automatically (by a device, not by you) been deleted from your life. 

Not how a relationship should be. Even a dating one.
Make a decision to delete her. If she says no to your next date invite, then just tell her "Thanks, it was nice trying to get to know you. Have a good life". and then delete.

Move on to the next un-emotional female to walk along.


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## Chelle D

Might I suggest... For the next girl to meet, don't do it online.

Go to these places that you like to walk along, or hike on. And meet someone THERE, that actually has some of your same interests. (serious line)

That way, you can assess her looks, and if she's an 8, 9 or a 10 and "too hot for you", you can not waste anytime with a future rejection, and bypass the whole relationship (Sarcastic line).

Thanks. OVer & Out. - Chelle.


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## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> I call folly. If you're hoping for contact from her.. then you're checking your spam folder regularly....
> 
> Or you've really got it ingrained into your routine, to only check on mom's spam messages once or twice a week.
> 
> I'm thinking you are using your spam as an automatic "trash' folder.
> You don't mind getting messages there, but if they are old, then they will automatic delete after xx number of days. That you don't have to go to the trouble of deleting messages.
> 
> If I had been single & 30 & in Philly, Honestly, I don't think I would have wanted to date you either. Thinking that if you didn't care to contact me after 4 days, I'd automatically (by a device, not by you) been deleted from your life.
> 
> Not how a relationship should be. Even a dating one.
> Make a decision to delete her. If she says no to your next date invite, then just tell her "Thanks, it was nice trying to get to know you. Have a good life". and then delete.
> 
> Move on to the next un-emotional female to walk along.




The fact that she is on vacation she is probably not thinking of me anyway.


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## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Might I suggest... For the next girl to meet, don't do it online.
> 
> Go to these places that you like to walk along, or hike on. And meet someone THERE, that actually has some of your same interests. (serious line)
> 
> That way, you can assess her looks, and if she's an 8, 9 or a 10 and "too hot for you", you can not waste anytime with a future rejection, and bypass the whole relationship (Sarcastic line).
> 
> Thanks. OVer & Out. - Chelle.


I don't approach women in public. too awkward and never been a fan of it.


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## Chelle D

Do you go to church? Bars? Friends houses?
Where DO you go that might have new women to approach?


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## turnera

That's why volunteering is such an awesome way to meet women. You're both there for a purpose - working to help someone else - and you're not 'really' paying attention to each other, but you also get a reason to talk to each other, even get to know each other if you both show up at enough events.

Same goes for taking a leisure learning class at a local junior college.


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## SMG15

Chelle D said:


> Do you go to church? Bars? Friends houses?
> Where DO you go that might have new women to approach?


No, No, No

all my male friends are married or relocated


I did have a female friend last year who tried to hook me up with her sister but she wasn't my type


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## Cooper

SMG15 said:


> No, No, No
> 
> all my male friends are married or relocated
> 
> 
> I did have a female friend last year who tried to hook me up with her sister but she wasn't my type


Ok, I've kept quiet for a long time but the "wasn't my type" comment got me interested.

SMG15 tell me what it is you expect from a woman, looks and personality wise. And then tell me what you want out of a relationship, how you think it should start, how it should progress and how you would like it to end up.


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## SMG15

Cooper said:


> Ok, I've kept quiet for a long time but the "wasn't my type" comment got me interested.
> 
> SMG15 tell me what it is you expect from a woman, looks and personality wise. And then tell me what you want out of a relationship, how you think it should start, how it should progress and how you would like it to end up.


She was not classy at all since she cursed a lot and had a lot of negative energy like she was mad at the world.


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## turnera

You didn't answer the question. What are you looking for?


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## SMG15

turnera said:


> You didn't answer the question. What are you looking for?


A weekendship that can turn into something more serious


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> A weekendship that can turn into something more serious


What are the physical attributes you're looking for in a woman? Be specific....what's your type?


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> What are the physical attributes you're looking for in a woman? Be specific....what's your type?


Cute Face, nice hands, and feet


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## SecondTime'Round

SMG15 said:


> Cute Face, nice hands, and feet


Besides being "open minded," which you've said before (but never clarified), what personality attributes are you looking for?

How about education level?

Emotional strengths?


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> Besides being "open minded," which you've said before (but never clarified), what personality attributes are you looking for?
> 
> How about education level?
> 
> Emotional strengths?


Don't care about education

Someone who has a goofy side, intelligent, classy, and positive.


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## turnera

SMG15 said:


> A weekendship that can turn into something more serious


In other words, any woman who won't run.


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## SecondTime'Round

And, since you've said it before, what to you consider to be "open minded?" How would you define that?

I"m asking these questions in separate posts because you often don't answer more than one question if it is asked.


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## SMG15

SecondTime'Round said:


> And, since you've said it before, what to you consider to be "open minded?" How would you define that?
> 
> I"m asking these questions in separate posts because you often don't answer more than one question if it is asked.


Someone who is open to new foods, new areas, new activities, new shows,


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## SMG15

turnera said:


> In other words, any woman who won't run.


Not funny, log out and come back Tuesday


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## turnera

SMG15 said:


> Not funny, log out and come back Tuesday


No, thank you.


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