# Clubs?!?!



## cabal2000 (Nov 6, 2012)

Several times now me and 35+ year old my wife have argued about going to dance clubs with just the girls. I don't like her going out to dance clubs because of all the bad drunken crap that goes on, she knows this and its the only thing in this marriage that I ask for.
This weekend her and several girlfriends went out of town shopping, I have no problem with this all at. Sunday I was looking through my Facebook and seen that she went out to a dance club. Nothing was said to me. No facebook mgs, no text and no phone call. Trust is a big thing in every relationship but is this not a big trust issue. Knowing that I did not want this she did it anyway and behind my back. 
I confronted her but its now again my fault.
What do I do?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

So what exactly has she done in the past to prove you cannot trust her?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I agree. The purpose of a dance club is for men to sexually pursue women.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This kind of crap leads to infidelity, so protect your marriage by letting your wife know that you will not control her and she can do what she wants from now on, the only thing is you will not wait around for the train wreck to happen.

You will not control her but you will emotionaly protect your self by letting her go and finding someone else that respects the protection you have to offer.

It will always be her choice to stay married to you or choose her toxic friends that continue to influence the dynamics of the marriage for the worse not for the better.

Just like with anything with out consequence the behavior will continue.

Ask her to leave and if she does you consider this abandonment and will treat it as such....its tough to show this tough love cuz thru this power struggle she will push and push, while you push and push by cutting her finacially and preparing your self for divorce.


Sure this sound over the top but in my experience I can tell you with all my being that her behavior will lead to cheating if it hasn't already.

I bet if you planted a voice activated recorder in her car and listen to the disrespect she has for you, you will find it a little easier to take this tough love approach I talk about.


Don't for get the velcro tape so the recorder doesn't slide out from under the car seat.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Hicks said:


> I agree. The purpose of a dance club is for men to sexually pursue women.


Not true. A lot of us like to go out and blow off steam...think of it as golfing for men. My husband does not dance and I love to. Also he hates club music. That being said...it takes a woman with moral character not to interact when men/boys step up on them.


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## cabal2000 (Nov 6, 2012)

I have never spoken to her about this because I know the outcome of it. Several years back at a company christmas party she started flirting with a co worker of mine while she was pretty drunk on wine, saying stuff about how good looking he was etc... it got worst then that and i was sitting right next to her. It got to the point that people were getting uncomfortable about the whole thing, to the point that I had to take bring her home. I was very embarrassed!! But I never bring it up because it would be down played by her and my feelings about the whole thing would be brushed under the carpet, which is what happened again yesterday when I spoke to her about what happened about the dance club thing.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> I don't like her going out to dance clubs because of all the bad drunken crap that goes on, she knows this and its the only thing in this marriage that I ask for.
> 
> I confronted her but its now again my fault


If the worst it's going to get is a fight with you, then I don't see her stopping anything.

Better to ask forgiveness than permission. I'm sure she's got that tattooed somewhere.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude the xmas party is an perfect examble of the lack of boundries and disrespect she has for you....no wonder you are concerned.

Even though underwater2010 has a good point, in this case I see no moral accountablity and a huge degree of lack of respect. This is one huge red flag and I think she is getting more then attention when she is at these clubs.


Its time to go all James Bond on her and investigate this behavior, finding a smoking gun will be your best shot in confronting her with undeniable proof that she is not just dancing.

Trust your gut and intution something is going on!

Get the keylogger, VAR, check her phone, and if you got the dough hire a PI.

Here secret out of town trip is another huge red flag.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

cabal2000 said:


> I have never spoken to her about this because I know the outcome of it. Several years back at a company christmas party she started flirting with a co worker of mine while she was pretty drunk on wine, saying stuff about how good looking he was etc... it got worst then that and i was sitting right next to her. It got to the point that people were getting uncomfortable about the whole thing, to the point that I had to take bring her home. I was very reimbursed!! But I never bring it up because it would be down played by her and my feelings about the whole thing would be brushed under the carpet, which is what happened again yesterday when I spoke to her about what happened about the dance club thing.


So it is not so much the dancing that bothers you, it is that she cannot control herself when she is intoxicated.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

That is the point you need to bring up to her. Also, if I knew it bothered my husband for me to go out with the girls. I would not. In fact I always text to make sure he has no plans before I decide wether or not to hang with the girls.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Again this may seem so over the top, but I have been here long enough to see this same story time and again, and it always turns out the same;

Husband looks at wife text, husband finds text from unknown male friend, unknown male friend turn out to be wife lover.....Sme sh!t different day.

Do your self a favor and prove me wrong by quitely looking into your wifes activities.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

underwater2010 said:


> That is the point you need to bring up to her. Also, if I knew it bothered my husband for me to go out with the girls. I would not. In fact I always text to make sure he has no plans before I decide wether or not to hang with the girls.


I feel this issue has been going on for a long time, its time to take action and look for proof that validates OP concerns and has the smoking gun that WW can't deny but face and make a choice stay married and do the heavy lifting to regain trust or get kicked to the curb.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> So it is not so much the dancing that bothers you, it is that she cannot control herself when she is intoxicated.


That's more like it!
I understand this is a touchy subject for a lot of men but underwater does have a point. I can't see how going dancing once a year is wrong, it's the fact that your wife is untrustworthy, that's the problem, and she has proved this again by not telling you she has been clubbing. You need to tell her the exact reason why or your resentment will grow and fester!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

How about you stop being doormat and not let her downplay anything that you think is important?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> Not true. A lot of us like to go out and blow off steam...think of it as golfing for men. My husband does not dance and I love to. Also he hates club music. That being said...it takes a woman with moral character not to interact when men/boys step up on them.


Golfing vs. Clubbing. Very bad analogy. Guys aren't getting hit on when they're on the golf course. A better analogy is Clubbing vs. Strip Club. As long as you're ok with your man doing that then your not a total hipocrate. By the way a woman with moral character would not even want to go clubbing to blow off steam because she would not care about random guys pursuing her. She would not need to have her ego stroked that way.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Looking back through the post, I should have caught on that you keep claiming issues with the "drunkness". Sorry that it took me that long. Please, please talk with her about the issues. Do not make it about disobeying you, rather about lack of communication and lying by ommision. Then talk about her past drunken behavior and how it effects your ability to trust she would do the right thing in the same situations.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I bet OP has been getting the whole nine yards from his WW.

"your crazy" "your controlling" "your insecure" "I'll do what I want" and even "stop invading my privacy"

Once OP get the smoking gun he will then get the "we are just friends" and the "I love you but I'm not in love with you"

Thats the thing about finding that proof she is stepped out of the marriage, it makes both of them face the real issue of not just going to clubs but the cheating that is really occuring.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> Golfing vs. Clubbing. Very bad analogy. Guys aren't getting hit on when they're on the golf course. A better analogy is Clubbing vs. Strip Club. As long as you're ok with your man doing that then your not a total hipocrate. By the way a woman with moral character would not even want to go clubbing to blow off steam because she would not care about random guys pursuing her. She would not need to have her ego stroked that way.


I beg your pardon. I do not go clubbing to hook up with random men. I go to dance and hang out with my girl friends and yes we do get our drink on just as men do on the golf course. There is not ego stroking on my part or on part of others. The only opinion that matters to me is my husbands. 

I have plenty of moral character. Hell I am not the one that cheated in our relationship. I don't talk with exs and I always bring up my kids and husband when being hit on.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

daisygirl 41 said:


> That's more like it!
> I understand this is a touchy subject for a lot of men but underwater does have a point. I can't see how going dancing once a year is wrong, it's the fact that your wife is untrustworthy, that's the problem, and she has proved this again by not telling you she has been clubbing. You need to tell her the exact reason why or your resentment will grow and fester!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk is cheap....I think he needs to show her why he resents her clubbing by showing her the proof she is messing around.

Come on I bet they have talked about this time and again and it has gotten no were. Face it OP can't compete with all her boyfriends.

I think she need to see why OP has concerns by showing her the inappropriate texting and the disrespect heard on the VAR recordings.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

She has lost all respect for you speak up for yourself man!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

underwater2010 said:


> I beg your pardon. I do not go clubbing to hook up with random men. I go to dance and hang out with my girl friends and yes we do get our drink on just as men do on the golf course. There is not ego stroking on my part or on part of others. The only opinion that matters to me is my husbands.
> 
> I have plenty of moral character. Hell I am not the one that cheated in our relationship. I don't talk with exs and I always bring up my kids and husband when being hit on.


Careful now, watch the thread jacking!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> I beg your pardon. I do not go clubbing to hook up with random men. I go to dance and hang out with my girl friends and yes we do get our drink on just as men do on the golf course. There is not ego stroking on my part or on part of others. The only opinion that matters to me is my husbands.
> 
> I have plenty of moral character. Hell I am not the one that cheated in our relationship. I don't talk with exs and I always bring up my kids and husband when being hit on.



You can hang out with girlfriends and get drunk at other places. No need to go to a club when you're married. Its a bit like playing Russian roulette. Your husband's cheating is horrible but not relevant to this argument. Unless your trying to get back at him.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

the guy said:


> Talk is cheap....I think he needs to show her why he resents her clubbing by showing her the proof she is messing around.
> 
> Come on I bet they have talked about this time and again and it has gotten no were. Face it OP can't compete with all her boyfriends.
> 
> I think she need to see why OP has concerns by showing her the inappropriate texting and the disrespect heard on the VAR recordings.


With all due respect TG where does the op mention inappropriate Txts and VAR recordings?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would be pissed off too if my partner failed to mention he hit up a club on a weekend getaway.

Why not mention it? 

How old are you guys?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> You can hang out with girlfriends and get drunk at other places. No need to go to a club when you're married. Its a bit like playing Russian roulette. Your husband's cheating is horrible but not relevant to this argument. Unless your trying to get back at him.


Not at all. We go to dance and have fun. Which is totally relevant. Most of the time we go to a bar that has a dance area in back. 

I do agree that for a lot of women it is russian roulette. Just not for me. There is no reason for a man/woman to assume that their partner is up to no good on a WNO/GNO unless there are other issue in the relationship. In this case it has to due with how she conducts herself while intoxicated.

I just took offense that you think any woman/man involved in a relationship that goes to clubs has no moral character. Please do not paint us all with the broad brush.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

She's not going to stop until he gives her a reason to. So far he hasn't. She can tolerate the confrontations, she knows what's coming from him and she doesn't care. It's not a dealbreaker. He keeps drawing the line in the sand and she steps over it whenever she likes. He has to change that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Enginerd said:


> You can hang out with girlfriends and get drunk at other places. No need to go to a club when you're married. Its a bit like playing Russian roulette. Your husband's cheating is horrible but not relevant to this argument. Unless your trying to get back at him.


cabal wife lacks boundries and respect that is clear by her actions at the xmas party.

Getting drunk with the girls has nothing to do with it IMHO

I think there to many red flags here that indicate infidelity...not so muck of an arguement put the best advise to give him about this possiblity.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Maybe time for a polygraph ask her and see how she reacts that should be telling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> She's not going to stop until he gives her a reason to. So far he hasn't. She can tolerate the confrontations, she knows what's coming from him and she doesn't care. It's not a dealbreaker. He keeps drawing the line in the sand and she steps over it whenever she likes. He has to change that.


@IBM I agree, thats why gathering the proof of her unhealthy behavior is a must in this case.

Hiring a PI and catch her grinding on some strange while dancing would be a line she would have a hard time crossing.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

agreed theguy...you have to get to the bottom of the issue.

1. She has handled herself very poorly in the past while intoxicated.
2. She lied by ommision to her husband regarding the clubbing while out of town with the girls.
3. She knew this was issue with her husband prior to making her choice to go clubbing.

Time for him to talk with his wife regarding these issues, rather then they fester.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

She needs to fear losing him. That's the only way I can see her stopping.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I am not sure if she is cheating as much as she is acting like a teenager. "You cannot tell me what to do, I am an adult".


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

daisygirl 41 said:


> With all due respect TG where does the op mention inappropriate Txts and VAR recordings?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was a senerio that I had PUT together by the experiences I have read over at the CWI section of this forum.

OP has not mentioned any cuz I believe he hasn't looked or his wife has her phone locked....again all an assumption on my part from reading to much At CWI.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

All I can say is it's not your fault.

on top of that she is MAKING you insecure. Some women have a nack for this kind of thing. it's in their blood. I dated my share, been there done that... You need to stop worrying about her...it just makes it worse. My wife has complete faith in me (and I used to be baaaad)... I can stay out, and have all night if I wanted to. It's that kind of trust that is the only thing that will bring her around. Let her do what she wants, something "may" even happen while she is out....but most of the time if you know you have someone at home who loves you and trusts you, you are more likely to look at the come on's from others as nothing more than a compliments and feel good about your man...maybe even a little guilty ...and then she's even nicer to you.

you have to give trust 1st to get it. I'm a reformed player, I know women who have been and are now happy and trustworthy....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

underwater2010 said:


> I am not sure if she is cheating as much as she is acting like a teenager. "You cannot tell me what to do, I am an adult".


At the very least Op needs to rule out that option so he can address the teen like behavior by showing her this and letting her see how she is behaving and how unexceptable it is..

Sometime poeple have to see it to believe it.,,or face it

IMHO


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> Not at all. We go to dance and have fun. Which is totally relevant. Most of the time we go to a bar that has a dance area in back.
> 
> *I do agree that for a lot of women it is russian roulette. Just not for me. *There is no reason for a man/woman to assume that their partner is up to no good on a WNO/GNO unless there are other issue in the relationship. In this case it has to due with how she conducts herself while intoxicated.
> 
> I just took offense that you think any woman/man involved in a relationship that goes to clubs has no moral character. Please do not paint us all with the broad brush.


But you acknowledge that there is risk to going out clubbing during GNO's. But recall that what I underlined in the section in bold are the famous last words of a number of WS's who assured their BS's that "they have self control", "trust me", "I'm not that kind of person"... You're probably telling the truth, but at the same time you are not immune to temptation 100% of the time either, because it's human to make mistakes.




> I beg your pardon. I do not go clubbing to hook up with random men. I go to dance and hang out with my girl friends and yes we do get our drink on just as men do on the golf course. There is not ego stroking on my part or on part of others. The only opinion that matters to me is my husbands.
> 
> I have plenty of moral character. Hell I am not the one that cheated in our relationship. I don't talk with exs and *I always bring up my kids and husband when being hit on.*


You may not be actively seeking out men to hook up with. But you have been hit on by other men. Clubbing is not innocent, harmless fun. Do you tell your husband that these guys are hitting on you? Not to make this about you, but in general if my wife was clubbing and I knew she was approached by other guys, I'd pull the plug. Why risk it?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

cabal2000 said:


> Several years back at a company christmas party she started flirting with a co worker of mine while she was pretty drunk on wine, saying stuff about how good looking he was etc... it got worst then that and i was sitting right next to her. It got to the point that people were getting uncomfortable about the whole thing, to the point that I had to take bring her home.


Holy shyte...openly flirting with your coworker...with you sitting next to her? This part is possibly worse than her clubbing. When you didn't stomp this flirting thing hard, she took it as a green light to do whatever she wanted. You're going to have to decide if you want to remain her bish, or if you're going to grow a sack, and lay down some boundaries.

Read _No More Mr. Nice Guy_, and a few books on boundaries.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Not to jump too off topic here, but let's be honest. Clubs are social spots designated for SINGLE people to hang out at. When you're married and have a family you hang out with your family mostly, and your other married friends. Once in a blue moon it's cool to go out dancing, but I prefer to do it with my husband, not a gang of women. That's why I got married. Me and my friends do other social things together... NOT club hopping.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> But you acknowledge that there is risk to going out clubbing during GNO's. But recall that what I underlined in the section in bold are the famous last words of a number of WS's who assured their BS's that "they have self control", "trust me", "I'm not that kind of person"... You're probably telling the truth, but at the same time you are not immune to temptation 100% of the time either, because it's human to make mistakes.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


To be honest I am not being hit on in the club. I think I have "Don't bother" tatooed on my forehead. lol. The being hit on comes from being a server in the bar. And yes I do tell my husband about it. We always talk about how our days go. Mine just happens to be the same day in and day out. Men coming into to the bar asking me if I am married and telling me I am beautiful. I am 34 and take it with a grain of salt. You learn to play it off. If everything in this post is true....I guess I should quit my job because women are not immune to flirtaous men.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> Not to jump too off topic here, but let's be honest. Clubs are social spots designated for SINGLE people to hang out at. When you're married and have a family you hang out with your family mostly, and your other married friends. Once in a blue moon it's cool to go out dancing, but I prefer to do it with my husband, not a gang of women. That's why I got married. Me and my friends do other social things together... NOT club hopping.


Very true....I hang out with my family more often then not. In fact, it is probably once every other month that I hang with girls. And always after I confirm that everyone is already sleeping. I never take time away from my husband or kids.

No more TJing for me.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

you're getting some REAL bad advice in here to confront her. you need to give her trust and love.

the only reason I say this is I was in a similar situation....had an ex- flirt with someone on a canoe trip, and my dad was there....me and her were drinking which led to a fight etc....but I later asked my dad. he's like, yeah she did everything but blow him. needless to say i dumped her.

She is now happily married and last I saw her @ a function we had a good talk. glad to see her happy. she found someone who would give her that trust and she reciprocated.

I have other examples of ex's. basically I am A type, and they were as well.....and it did not mesh.

I have seen this time and again, and can say confronting this is the worst thing you can do.


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## cabal2000 (Nov 6, 2012)

I never looked at her texts, facebook or emails. That I would not do!!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

cabal2000 said:


> I never looked at her texts, facebook or emails. That I would not do!!


Why not? 

She certainly has not earned the right to not be suspected. She has lied by ommission to you. What else is she hiding? Perhaps nothing else but you certain deserve to confirm it yourself.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Cabal there is no privacy in marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I believe in a good marriage you don't do anything you need to hide. I firmly believe if you would be embarrassed for your parents or husband to hear about, it's wrong. 

I don't think dancing with female friends out on a club dance floor is wrong, but after behaving that way, embarrassing you AND herself due to drunkenness and being disrespectful of your relationship, I see why she isn't to be trusted.

The very first time she made the inappropriate comment you should have taken her elbow and said "honey come with me" and then taken her aside and told her she was out of line and the two of you were leaving. To let it get to the uncomfortable level was wrong because now she thinks you'll just ignore her behavior.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> To be honest I am not being hit on in the club. I think I have "Don't bother" tatooed on my forehead. lol. The being hit on comes from being a server in the bar. And yes I do tell my husband about it. We always talk about how our days go. Mine just happens to be the same day in and day out. Men coming into to the bar asking me if I am married and telling me I am beautiful. I am 34 and take it with a grain of salt. You learn to play it off. If everything in this post is true....*I guess I should quit my job because women are not immune to flirtaous men.*


Everything within context. It's one thing to be hit on while you are doing your job as a waitress (or bartender), and it's a completely different situation if you're being hit on regularly during GNO's at dance clubs. If I may say, nice blame shift move btw...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

cabal2000 said:


> I never looked at her texts, facebook or emails. That I would not do!!


Good luck!

For the most part you guys have a great marriage and you have complete trust...so good for you....hell I envy you.

Sometime I wish I could go back 13 years and never looked. Sometime I wish I never knew that all those GNO where just away for her to meet men and collect phone numbers. Sometimes I wish I never found out that I was just a baby sitter and a pay check. Sometimes I wish I never heard my wife making out in her car. Sometimes I wish I never saw the text of her naked boyfriend. Some times I wish all her lies were never found out and I kept my head in the sand. Sometime I wish I never read my wife profess her love for some guy she just met. Sometime I wish I never found that secret account on face book with emails discriping all the sexual acts being done on my wife.

I do have one thing left, that is my self respect. So hell I am glad I looked.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

cabal2000 said:


> Several times now me and 35+ year old my wife have argued about going to dance clubs with just the girls. I don't like her going out to dance clubs because of all the bad drunken crap that goes on, she knows this and its the only thing in this marriage that I ask for.
> This weekend her and several girlfriends went out of town shopping, I have no problem with this all at. Sunday I was looking through my Facebook and seen that she went out to a dance club. Nothing was said to me. No facebook mgs, no text and no phone call. Trust is a big thing in every relationship but is this not a big trust issue. Knowing that I did not want this she did it anyway and behind my back.
> I confronted her but its now again my fault.
> What do I do?


Maybe take Dance Lessons that way yall can go together


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hicks said:


> I agree. The purpose of a dance club is for men to sexually pursue women.


I disagree Here are several of my dances that i learned and get all the chicks 

1. The Macarena Macarena Official Music Video - YouTube

2. Gangam style PSY Gangnam Style ( Official Video ) - YouTube

Currently I am working on the stanky leg with my 11 yoa daughter who is my coach 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewufRwrayTI


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> I disagree Here are several of my dances that i learned and get all the chicks
> 
> 1. The Macarena Macarena Official Music Video - YouTube
> 
> ...


:rofl: Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance HQ (Remastered Music Video) (1982) - YouTube


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Camarillo Brillo said:


> Why did you come to this site? Something must have caused you to come looking for it. Now that you're here I suggest you be open to considering what some of these posters are saying (I'm still a newbie, by the way).
> 
> They've seen it all, over and over. I've read through hundreds of threads in the Coping With Infidelity section and their spidey senses are pretty much dead on.
> 
> ...


You know in your gut something is wrong you've gotten great advice. How does that saying go you can lead a horse to water...get my drift


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Everything within context. It's one thing to be hit on while you are doing your job as a waitress (or bartender), and it's a completely different situation if you're being hit on regularly during GNO's at dance clubs. If I may say, nice blame shift move btw...


In no way was that blame shifting. If my husband had issues with men hitting on me at work because I am not trust worthy...that would be blame shifting. The simple fact is you either can trust your wife or not. I am just saying that you need to take into consideration her past behavior before deciding wether or not she can be a big girl and deal with men with alternative ideas.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> I disagree Here are several of my dances that i learned and get all the chicks
> 
> 1. The Macarena Macarena Official Music Video - YouTube
> 
> ...


I have to say that is too cute!!!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> I have to say that is too cute!!!


See it works


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> But you acknowledge that there is risk to going out clubbing during GNO's. But recall that what I underlined in the section in bold are the famous last words of a number of WS's who assured their BS's that "they have self control", "trust me", "I'm not that kind of person"... You're probably telling the truth, but at the same time you are not immune to temptation 100% of the time either, because it's human to make mistakes.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Okay if we are to take the stance that we should pull the plug when a spouse is being hit on, then no one would ever be able to leave the house. Please, everyone gets flattered wether it be at a bar, work, grocery store and or kids schools. It simply boils down to wether or not you trust your spouse.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> Okay if we are to take the stance that we should pull the plug when a spouse is being hit on, then no one would ever be able to leave the house. Please, everyone gets flattered wether it be at a bar, work, grocery store and or kids schools. It simply boils down to wether or not you trust your spouse.


And from the christmas party alone scares me with her going out drinking geez!


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

tom67 said:


> And from the christmas party alone scares me with her going out drinking geez!


It would scare the hell out of me too.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> Not true. A lot of us like to go out and blow off steam...think of it as golfing for men. My husband does not dance and I love to. Also he hates club music. That being said...it takes a woman with moral character not to interact when men/boys step up on them.


Golf does not generally involve a bunch of drunk women tyring to pick up the males.

It's much closer to a strip club... Like saying I love going to strip clubs but my wife hates it. So, luckily I have a good moral character and i don't bang the strippers.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Golf does not generally involve a bunch of drunk women tyring to pick up the males.
> 
> It's much closer to a strip club... Like saying I love going to strip clubs but my wife hates it. So, luckily I have a good moral character and i don't bang the strippers.


Enough with the strip clubs. Women in night clubs are not exposing the T&A and all that is in between. At least not the ones I go to. And no not all women are out there picking up men. You guys just like to assume that we areYou might be surprised how many are out picking up other women though.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Dance clubs exist for one purpose... Sexual hook ups.

Loud music coupled with alchohol cause women to start moving in a sexual manner. The men who go there are sexually excited by the women shaking, the couples dancing, and any man there who is not with a woman at the time is there merely to get turned on and hit on women. 

These places are for single, not married women. All the other places such as supermarkets may have a person trying to hit on you, but that is not the purpose of their existence.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ok let see you won't investigate the possiblity of protecting your self from being deceived, or should I say *more* deceit!

At the very least ask her to go with her on her next outing and gage her response. 

If all is good the you will be welcomed with open arms....You might even learn a few dance moves.......


Is there a dance move called "how to get my husband from going to my GNO"


Thanks guys for minute I though I was the only one seeing the red flags...I almost bailed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So going back to the original post, "what should I do"

If you are not going to investigate the strong reason to deceive you from going to the clubs with out telling you, then again ask to go the next time she tells you she is going...if she tells you she even going there.


I have a feeling your wife will be going over to her friends "house" alot. My wifes favorite was I'm going to "the movies"

Man all this is one big trigger for me, I guess thats why I'm so invested in this thread


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> Enough with the strip clubs. Women in night clubs are not exposing the T&A and all that is in between. At least not the ones I go to. And no not all women are out there picking up men. You guys just like to assume that we areYou might be surprised how many are out picking up other women though.


Holy crap... There is ONE reason men go clubbing. That's the chase of tail. Period. Everything else is a distant second.

You may think what you want on your side and have good boundaries and whatever. The thing is, bars are like menus of men willing to go home with you. To turn this to the vice versa equivalent isn't, like someone said, a strip club. Because in a strip club a guy will probably not be able to go and leave with a stripper. This situation only has one equivalent. 

And that is the brothel. A man enters in a room and chooses a woman to spend the night with. In clubs women have the possibility to do just that, choose some guy to have sex with (not saying that they all do).

The only thing that makes the situation different is that if a guy gets caught going to a brothel there isn't really any other reason to be there. But clubs make it possible for certain married women say stupid sh!t to justify being in an opposite sex meat market.

There is one reason why a married woman to visit clubs without husband. That is to relive single times. Often that goes as far as a nice romp with a guy other than their husbands.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

OK, time for a little harshness. You need to take control of this situation and quickly. You need to tell her you don't like the going to dance clubs with the girls and you want it to end. If she calls you controlling or overbearing just tell her that you don't give a f*ck and you don't want her going. Now, naturally if she is intent on going anyway, you can't tie her up in put her in the closet but you can take other measures. My favorite preventative measure is go with her to the clubs, with or with permission. Follow her around like a fly on sh1t. Make it as difficult as possible for her to party. If things get out of hand (if she dares) you just take her home. DON'T LET HER WALK ALL OVER YOU! Being passive yields a lost wife.

At this point, she doesn't deserve your trust because she lied to you. Don't accept "it's your fault" ... she was the one who f*cking lied! She will never respect you if you don't stand up for yourself and stand up to her when necessary. Trust me when I tell you this, if you allow her to continue going to clubs where there is drinking and dancing, I guarantee you that sooner or later some guy is going to have her in the back seat of a car in the club parking lot drilling her. Take that to the bank. If fact look at this posting, for a mild example: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...has-world-lost-its-damn-mind.html#post1191820 And there are many more around here with worse things happening.

EDIT: And another thing, don't be afraid of snooping! look at her Facebook page, e-mail and phone. She has already shown that she can't be trusted, how are you going to know if she's making a chump out of you or not.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> Enough with the strip clubs. Women in night clubs are not exposing the T&A and all that is in between. At least not the ones I go to. And no not all women are out there picking up men. You guys just like to assume that we areYou might be surprised how many are out picking up other women though.



What turns on men? Naked Women.
What turns on women? Being pursued by men.

We are different, but the end result is the same. Some amount of sexual gradification outside the marriage is experienced at both activities and there is a possiblity of something damaging happening to the marriage. This is not typicallty true of golf. You claim that you go to clubs to" blow off steam". Why does it have to be a club? I know plenty of married women that have GNO and play cards (Bunko), get drunk and talk **** about their husbands. Totally innocent stuff. Every marriage is unique but the one thing that is true is that men don't go to clubs to blow off steam. They go to clubs to get blown. You put yourself in that situation on purpose. There has to be a reason for it. I think it's usually about ego or hookup. I have never met a couple that is totally in love where the husband or the wife goes out clubbing. To me it indicates a certain longing that the spouse cannot meet for one reason or the other.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Holy crap... There is ONE reason men go clubbing. That's the chase of tail. Period. Everything else is a distant second.
> 
> You may think what you want on your side and have good boundaries and whatever. The thing is, bars are like menus of men willing to go home with you. To turn this to the vice versa equivalent isn't, like someone said, a strip club. Because in a strip club a guy will probably not be able to go and leave with a stripper. This situation only has one equivalent.
> 
> ...


I get it. Men thing that dance clubs are meat markets. That does not mean that the OP's wife is going to a club to meet up with other men. It could be as simple as her enjoying time with her friends.

Have we all become so jaded by cheating spouses that we don't even give a person the benifit of the doubt. From all that I have read his trust issue comes from her previous actions while intoxicated. In that case, I would not have even trusted her to have an out of town vacation with her girlfriends.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

A little late to the party here and to be honest I haven't read all replies but I will say that your wife does not respect your wishes and is being totally disrespectful to you!

A married woman doesn't do these kind of thimgs unless she's looking for attention or a little "Strange"


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

You claim that you go to clubs to" blow off steam". Why does it have to be a club? 

*It does not have to be a club...I am perfectly content to hangout at home. It just so happens that we all work at the same bar and when we get off early, if my husband is sleeping, we spend a few hours dancing and drinking together.*

I know plenty of married women that have GNO and play cards (Bunko), get drunk and talk **** about their husbands. 

*Sorry but I would rather dance than play cards and talk crap about my husband. To me, the negative talk about a husband in much worse than what I am doing.*

Totally innocent stuff. 

*Yep....totally innocent until she goes looking for another man because you don't compliment her enough, clean up enough and treat her like crap.*

Every marriage is unique but the one thing that is true is that men don't go to clubs to blow off steam. 

*Agreed. They go golfing, drink and talk crap.*

They go to clubs to get blown. 

*Agreed.*

You put yourself in that situation on purpose. There has to be a reason for it. 

*The reason is my girls and dancing. No more, no less. I could give two craps about the guys there. Because I know they think like you do and I am not interested in a one night stand...never have been.*

I think it's usually about ego or hookup. 

*Nope*

I have never met a couple that is totally in love where the husband or the wife goes out clubbing. 

*To bad I cannot say that. But boy do I wish he would go with me. I totally enjoy spending time with my man. *

To me it indicates a certain longing that the spouse cannot meet for one reason or the other.

*I think that you are reading way to much into it.*


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

From my POV I could never allow my wife to go clubbing without me and my wife has never cheated on me (that I know of). I don't even think my wife would consider going without me. For me it is a matter of "I'd rather not take chances" in an environment where the sexes are mixing, dancing is going on and alcohol is flowing freely. I trust my wife nearly 100% and I still won't do it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> OK, time for a little harshness. You need to take control of this situation and quickly. You need to tell her you don't like the going to dance clubs with the girls and you want it to end. If she calls you controlling or overbearing just tell her that you don't give a f*ck and you don't want her going. Now, naturally if she is intent on going anyway, you can't tie her up in put her in the closet but you can take other measures. My favorite preventative measure is go with her to the clubs, with or with permission. Follow her around like a fly on sh1t. Make it as difficult as possible for her to party. If things get out of hand (if she dares) you just take her home. DON'T LET HER WALK ALL OVER YOU! Being passive yields a lost wife.
> 
> At this point, she doesn't deserve your trust because she lied to you. Don't accept "it's your fault" ... she was the one who f*cking lied! She will never respect you if you don't stand up for yourself and stand up to her when necessary. Trust me when I tell you this, if you allow her to continue going to clubs where there is drinking and dancing, I guarantee you that sooner or later some guy is going to have her in the back seat of a car in the club parking lot drilling her. Take that to the bank. If fact look at this posting, for a mild example: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...has-world-lost-its-damn-mind.html#post1191820 And there are many more around here with worse things happening.
> 
> EDIT: And another thing, don't be afraid of snooping! look at her Facebook page, e-mail and phone. She has already shown that she can't be trusted, how are you going to know if she's making a chump out of you or not.


I think op might have been scared off by the possibility that we could be right. I hope he listens and does something.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

cabal2000 said:


> I have never spoken to her about this because I know the outcome of it. Several years back at a company christmas party she started flirting with a co worker of mine while she was pretty drunk on wine, saying stuff about how good looking he was etc... it got worst then that and i was sitting right next to her. It got to the point that people were getting uncomfortable about the whole thing, to the point that I had to take bring her home. I was very embarrassed!! But I never bring it up because it would be down played by her and my feelings about the whole thing would be brushed under the carpet, which is what happened again yesterday when I spoke to her about what happened about the dance club thing.


She is going to do whatever she wants if you 'don't bring it up'.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> I get it. Men thing that dance clubs are meat markets. That does not mean that the OP's wife is going to a club to meet up with other men. It could be as simple as her enjoying time with her friends.


He expressed discomfort, she still went behind his back. This is unacceptable behavior. Nobody NEEDS to go to clubs to have fun with friends. There are plenty of places that are not notorious meat markets. There is only one reason why people insist in them even when that notoriously hurts their spouse. They get something from them that they can't get from other places. Now, you tell me, what that is...


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> You claim that you go to clubs to" blow off steam". Why does it have to be a club?
> 
> *It does not have to be a club...I am perfectly content to hangout at home. It just so happens that we all work at the same bar and when we get off early, if my husband is sleeping, we spend a few hours dancing and drinking together.*
> 
> ...


Well I suppose at some point you will realize that the bar/club life is an empty one and marriages typically don't survive it. At 34 I would have thought you'd already figured this out.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Cabal if you're still here you are at a crossroad. It's time to stand up to her demand her phone pw email pw, if she becomes defensive you have your answer. When I was married, up until the last 8 months of a 15 yr. marriage she never did gnos till 3am. That's when the sh$t hit the fan. Good luck!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I agree with other guys, dance clubs really are all about sex. Even though many women will argue there is nothing sexual about it, or that they have good boundaries, the reason they go is because it makes them feel good, and all that moving and sweating also get the very same endorphines flowing that would flow with sex. It isn't sex of course, it's dance, but there is a reason why all the guys say they are a place to hook up, because it is so easy (apparently).

So for a married woman to be at a dance club without her husband, even if she has the best boundaries and intentions, she is getting all kinds of positive feelgood experiences without him present - the kind of feelings that if shared would strengthen the relationship and in so being apart actually puts distance between them.

For me, in the future if I have a partner that wants to go dancing once in awhile, I will make an effort to go along, and if for some reason - in a very very rare once in awhile - she has to go without me present I will make sure that when the dancing is over she comes straight to bed with me and that I am the one that puts the finishing touches on those feelings, because I would want to make sure to close up any distance she creates before the sun comes up and associate all those good feelings with our own sexual relationship.

I am speaking from experience of course, I trusted my W implicitly, she was always faithful and she got so much enjoyment from going out and dancing with her girls. She knew how to stand up for her boundaries if a guy was putting the moves on and she always did... until she decided not to anymore. I don't blame the GNO's for our marital problems but they did eventually play a huge part in her decision to cheat (or so I believe)


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> Very true....I hang out with my family more often then not. In fact, it is probably once every other month that I hang with girls. And always after I confirm that everyone is already sleeping. I never take time away from my husband or kids.
> 
> No more TJing for me.





underwater2010 said:


> Okay if we are to take the stance that we should pull the plug when a spouse is being hit on, then no one would ever be able to leave the house. Please, everyone gets flattered wether it be at a bar, work, grocery store and or kids schools. It simply boils down to wether or not you trust your spouse.


However, generally when you got to a kids school etc you have not drunk umpteen ****tails of the day. Or at least I hope you haven't.



underwater2010 said:


> Enough with the strip clubs. Women in night clubs are not exposing the T&A and all that is in between. At least not the ones I go to. And no not all women are out there picking up men. You guys just like to assume that we areYou might be surprised how many are out picking up other women though.





underwater2010 said:


> You claim that you go to clubs to" blow off steam". Why does it have to be a club?
> 
> *It does not have to be a club...I am perfectly content to hangout at home. It just so happens that we all work at the same bar and when we get off early, if my husband is sleeping, we spend a few hours dancing and drinking together.*
> 
> ...


Look Underwater, we get that you are a good and faithful wife, which is as it should be.

But you have even stated in another thread that you have had to drag married women away from men in clubs.

I happen to do girls night out once and awhile, but the sad fact is that I am the one pulling the married women away from other men. It is very rare that people have enough bounderies to behave on BNO or GNO. And who the hell want to relive their single days. I relish that fact that I am married almost 14 yrs and have 3 great kids. They define every fiber of my being. Why chance losing that on an "EGO BOOST"? Just being asked if I am married and told I am pretty is enough. I DO NOT want/need some man hanging on me or kissing me to know my value. 

I don't think you can blame men for being a little twitchy about their wives going to clubs given your above post. You are the person in the know considering your job.

It doesn't even have to end up with some woman waking up half drunk in some guys apartment at 3 am wondering what the hell made her cheat on the husband she loves.

Just the thought that some dude had squeezed my wifes arse while slow dancing would be enough to send me off the deep end.

Underwater, how many times when you have been working or dancing have you seen at least 'inappropriate' behaviour?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

While I am working I have seen plenty. While I am dancing I have seen some. I have also seen men slapped and drinks thrown on them. I have also seen women without morals approach MM. The only point that I was trying to make is that not every woman goes out dancing to get an "Ego Boost". Hell some of us don't even slow dance with anyone but our husband. And yes I have stepped in between my married friends and outsiders in order to stop bad behavior from starting. But that is the part I play and teach my daughter to play.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

@underwater,
this has been a constant debate in the forum as long as I've been here.
Setting aside your own experience with clubbing and believe my wife is a server to so I have had my fill of stories.

The fact that OP has a wife that disrespects him and has enough GNO to be concerned, it amazes me that OP won't take the step to make sure he is not being lied to. well he's being lied to but to what extent?


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> I disagree Here are several of my dances that i learned and get all the chicks
> 
> 1. The Macarena Macarena Official Music Video - YouTube
> 
> ...


This....is one of the funniest post i've ever read here. I choked on my spit laughing so hard:rofl:


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> @underwater,
> this has been a constant debate in the forum as long as I've been here.
> Setting aside your own experience with clubbing and believe my wife is a server to so I have had my fill of stories.
> 
> The fact that OP has a wife that disrespects him and has enough GNO to be concerned, it amazes me that OP won't take the step to make sure he is not being lied to. well he's being lied to but to what extent?


Op knows that his wife lied by omission about the shopping trip/GNO. That by itself is disrespectful. He buries his head in the sand by not checking up on her. Possibly he suspects he may find something that he doesn't want to find. Or he is such a doormat that checking up is alien to him.

Either way is a recipe for disaster if she keeps doing what she does.

Why did he come here for advice if he ignores it?

No man/woman wants to believe their SO is running around but isn't the truth what we all want?


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> A lot of us like to go out and blow off steam...


so who is this steam guy? Is that a stage name of a dancer?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

In general, going to a club is what you make of it. If you try to get laid, the drinking and late night atmosphere will make it a good place to troll. 

When I was single, I went to clubs on the average of 4 nights per week. Spent a lot of money on booze and aspirins for hangovers, but I also had a lot of fun. 

It was because I wasn't tied down and didn't have to answer to anyone but myself. But if I go now, I feel like an outsider and do not have the same mentality. It's a very infrequent thing for my old neighborhood friends and I to do to get together and we're all married old guys now reminiscing about our former 'accomplishments.'

But a woman with a few drinks in her, especially an older one, would be right in my crosshairs back then. So if she has any inclination to possibly stray, there will be 100 'me's' there looking for an opening.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

anonim said:


> so who is this steam guy? Is that a stage name of a dancer?


HA HA HA!!!! No other man for me. I like the one I have thank you very much.


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## Bella80 (Oct 28, 2012)

All I have to say... if your gonna stray.. your gonna stray! It don't matter if your in a club.. trashed, or at the local stop and shop buying flour to bake cup cakes! It all depends on the relationship you both have. and also.. if you are gonna tell her she can't go to a club and she likes going.. she is gonna go. So why not be open minded about her going and don't stop her and than maybe she will talk to you and tell you instead of going behind you back. Im sorry, but when I was a teenager and my father would not let me go out... I wanted to, I found my way and would sneak around. Today Im a married ADULT, my husband is not my father, he is my friend and my lover.. Im not sneaking around anymore and nor should any grown women. Its all about TRUST! Thats the bottom line. No women has to go to a club to stray.. just know this, It can happen anywhere.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Hicks said:


> I agree. The purpose of a dance club is for men to sexually pursue women.


Hogwash. Women go dancing together lots... for excersize & stress relief and sociallizing with Each other. 

Many Married women do this as groups.. mostly for the sociallizing with each other. NOT for sociallizing with men. But also, because some don't have husbands who want to go dancing, or fast dancing so that the wife can lose some weight.

Chill out & if she is contacting a man, then she is not just "clubbing" with her girlfriends. Find out if there is contact before you assume that she is "doing you wrong" just because she is dancing.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

cabal2000 said:


> Sunday I was looking through my Facebook and seen that she went out to a dance club. Nothing was said to me. No facebook mgs, no text and no phone call.
> 
> I confronted her but its now again my fault.
> 
> What do I do?


I didn't get past page 3. This is SUCH an important topic and it ALWAYS turns into a back and forth on whether or not a clubbing wife is healthy for a relationship.

1 - Some women do go to clubs to dance in a man free bubble.
2 - Some go to party with the boys.

At BEST, it's a 50-50 split. And why the people defending option 1 don't say "I go just to dance, but I see your point" is beyond me. The gals in category 1 are open with their husbands about their nights of clubbing. The ones that choose option 2, not so much. 

So in a relatively short post, I see a little behavior indicating option 2. There's surely more. Do you ask her what goes on in the clubs when she's there? Do you ask her if she meets men? Do you ask her if they buy her drinks? Do you ask her if she dances with then? Do you ask her if she touches them while dancing? Slow dances? Do you ask her about the men that hit on her and how she reacts? 

I didn't think so. That's usually the case. You may have once, but were quickly accused of being a controlling Neanderthal, right? 

Clubbing wives: the last bastion of "legitimate infidelity". Yes, infidelity. Going out to party with men, drinking with them, dancing with them, touching them, all without telling your spouse, is infidelity.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> At BEST, it's a 50-50 split.


A tad optimistic that...


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

costa200 said:


> A tad optimistic that...


I like to err on the side of caution.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I think the key phrase is:

_all without telling your spouse_

That seems to be a big part of what the OP is having an issue with. Along with the issue of Intoxication (she does not handle that well) and that she does not take his concerns into consideration.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> Hogwash. Women go dancing together lots... for excersize & stress relief and sociallizing with Each other.
> 
> Many Married women do this as groups.. mostly for the sociallizing with each other. NOT for sociallizing with men. But also, because some don't have husbands who want to go dancing, or fast dancing so that the wife can lose some weight.
> 
> Chill out & if she is contacting a man, then she is not just "clubbing" with her girlfriends. Find out if there is contact before you assume that she is "doing you wrong" just because she is dancing.


I'm sure no dance club could stay in business catering to married women who want to dance together and not hook up with men.

The primary or main purpose of these joints is to facilitate sexual hook ups. That does not mean 100% of everyone who ever goes is looking to sexually hook up. 

It's just like strip clubs. There is alot of inappropriate activity taking place there. It does not mean that all men who go to a strip club get lap dances, happy endings and the like.

What I am saying that it's a reasonable boundary in a marriage for a wife not to go to dance clubs and it's a reasonable boundary in marriage for a man not to go to strip clubs. Some men may be OK with their wife going to dance clubs and some wives may be OK with their husband going to strip clubs. I have no issue with that. But, if a man does not want his wife going to a dance club, and a wife does not want her husband going to a strip club, I think the spouse should respect those wishes, given the nature of these establishments.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hicks, the main purpose of clubs is to generate revenue through sales of liquor and admittance fees... And they will promote whatever activities bring in the most money. It is the clientele that drives the activities, and using the clientele's own sex appeal and pursuit of gratification is the means in which they propogate.

They would not make much money from groups of attached women coming to dance and staying fairly sober... However it's those groups of females that bring in the males willing to drop loads of cash there, and thus drawing in the single ladies and yet more men willing to spend money looking to hook up with someone.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Yes, men drop loads of cash in those clubs in hope of dropping loads... which is why many men oppose having their wife go there.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

From my experience, women typically go to clubs to dance with their friends, while men go to pick up women. 

Yes, I agree that if someone is going to cheat, then they will cheat, no matter what. But you shouldn't put yourself in a situation where there is that much temptation. But being a woman in a club, you're going to get pursued if you're not with your bf/husband (and sometimes, men will pursue you even if you ARE with them). 

Sorry, but I just believe clubs are no place for married people, or people in serious relationships. It is very, very easy for someone to do something inappropriate that their spouse or SO has no idea about. 

That's why my boyfriend and I made a pact that we wouldn't go to clubs without each other. 

Oh, and the fact that your wife lied about where she was going is a huge red flag. There are a million other things that your wife can do on her GNOs to "blow off steam".


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