# Men who never find someone



## Indianinoz (Jul 30, 2013)

I just wanted to check if there is any statistics on what percentage of men never find anyone to date/marry in their entire life. 

I am touching 30, not horrible looking yet I am yet to ever date in my life, in fact I am 100% sure no women on this earth has ever found me attractive(perhaps never will).

I am Educated (Ivy League University) run my own business and make more than an average Joe (>$250K/per annum) which proves modern day women cannot be attracted by money, looks or education alone. 

I am really at loss to understand how to solve this problem and what do other men do that I don’t.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Do you ask women out?


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## Indianinoz (Jul 30, 2013)

LonelyinLove said:


> Do you ask women out?


Yes, I do. In fact for a couple of weeks I went out with these guys who call themselves "pick-up artist" and burnt what they call is the approach anxiety. 

Problem is when you ask a girl out at pub most have an intention to dance, drink and if they like you maybe go out for one night stand. 

Call me old-school but it neither sits right in my head nor I enjoy company of drunk people. 

I would rather prefer a simple girl for a long term relationship. Is it too much to ask.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Indianinoz said:


> Yes, I do. In fact for a couple of weeks I went out with these guys who call themselves "pick-up artist" and burnt what they call is the approach anxiety.
> 
> Problem is when you ask a girl out at pub most have an intention to dance, drink and if they like you maybe go out for one night stand.
> 
> ...


try computer dating. you can comunicate over the computer until you find someone who like your personality and take thing as slow as you want.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Are you shy around women? What are your hobbies? Normaly you start with small conversation, get a feel for her response. Do you have the same trouble with making friends?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Indianinoz said:


> Yes, I do. In fact for a couple of weeks I went out with these guys who call themselves "pick-up artist" and burnt what they call is the approach anxiety.
> 
> Problem is when you ask a girl out at pub most have an intention to dance, drink and if they like you maybe go out for one night stand.
> 
> ...


Do do anthing that you don't feel confortable with.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Ditch the attitude.

Don't even entertain that mindset.

Odds are you have to change your mindset entirely.

I have a friend that has been a lifelong bachelor. He has NEVER had a long term girlfriend in the entire 40+ years I have known him.

Most of it is fear of rejection on his part. Afraid to be rejected therefore he never tries.

Anyway ... take money and your education out of the equation. What makes you interesting? What are you passionate about? What about you would someone be attracted to?

Do that self-assessment honestly and start working from there.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

That sucks man.

Whatever you do, NEVER EVER tell a woman that you've never been with anyone at this age. They will drop you like a hot potato. They won't find it endearing or cute.


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## Indianinoz (Jul 30, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> try computer dating. you can comunicate over the computer until you find someone who like your personality and take thing as slow as you want.


Have been trying that for six months with no success. Maybe I am weird?. 

But, I don't see many single men(or women) around me, which makes me wonder am I really-really weird.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Indianinoz said:


> Have been trying that for six months with no success. Maybe I am weird?.
> 
> But, I don't see many single men(or women) around me, which makes me wonder am I really-really weird.


Not weird, just different, we all are. I'm sure you can find someone you just need to change your approach. 

Tell us more about yourself, we will try to guide you


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

If you make 250k and you can't get a date, there is a real problem. Sorry to have to ask this, but is your hygiene ok? Are you severely overweight? Just driving around a nice car at your age should get you female attention even if you are below average looking.


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## Indianinoz (Jul 30, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Are you shy around women? What are your hobbies? Normaly you start with small conversation, get a feel for her response. Do you have the same trouble with making friends?


I don't have many friends either. Also, thanks to my life schedule I have no time for friends(I work 70+ hours a week) and have never taken a vacation.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Indianinoz said:


> Have been trying that for six months with no success. Maybe I am weird?.
> 
> But, I don't see many single men(or women) around me, which makes me wonder am I really-really weird.


How are you at carrying on casual conversations with people in general? Do you have male friends? Are there married females around that you could perhaps discuss local news or life experience with? The thing is, if you can open up to people in general, show your intelligence, wit and personality to, then it is not a stretch to do the same with a potential date. If you do have a problem with polite conversation, then perhaps you could address that issue.

It all starts with a nice smile and a kind word or two. How are you at that?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Can you seek out the services of a professional matchmaker? I know they're rare, but I've read about them existing in big cities and often helping very successful but very busy people find other people. She (I think they're mostly women) could also tell you if there's something about you that's putting women off.

Another thing that comes to mind is asperger's. Have you ever been screened for an autism spectrum disorder? If there's something in your hard-wiring that affects your ability to interpret body language and social cues, you might be missing signs from women or putting out signs yourself that you're unaware of or are hurting you. I'm wondering if talking to a counselor of some sort might be a good starting point?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Indianinoz said:


> Problem is when you ask a girl out at pub most have an intention to dance, drink and if they like you maybe go out for one night stand.
> 
> Call me old-school but it neither sits right in my head nor I enjoy company of drunk people.
> 
> I would rather prefer a simple girl for a long term relationship. Is it too much to ask.


OK, then skip the whole bar thing altogether. Its not the best place to meet someone anyway, especially if you don't like being around drunk people.

Are you involved in any church groups or civic organizations ? How about any professional groups that have social outings ? You could also try online dating sites like eharmony.

Also, take a look at meetup.com.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Indianinoz said:


> I don't have many friends either. Also, thanks to my life schedule I have no time for friends(I work 70+ hours a week) and have never taken a vacation.


A woman will be happy with your income but you will HAVE to make time for at LEAST 15 hours of couple time a week for a successful relationship. Maybe you are getting a bit past the phase where you are building your career/reputation and can pull back a bit? Or are you filling that hole in your life with work? 

Know a woman will need your time and attention so be sure you are ready to give that - you will HAVE to cut back on your time at work and you NEED a vacation. It sounds like you have no hobbies or time to enjoy life - a partner will want you to make time for vacations and fun.

I agree with the professional match maker idea - especially since you can afford it. The girls will all be pre-screened for their personal values, they will have already seen a photo and learned a bit about you before agreeing to see you.


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## canjad80 (Oct 31, 2011)

Apologies if I'm off-base here, but going by your user name I'm guessing you are Indian? 

Is it an option to have your family help you find someone? I have a couple of Indian friends whose parents found their spouse for them. It wasn't a traditional arranged marriage, it was more of a family dating service. Their family would use their community connections to arrange dates for them. There was no pressure for marriage from the families, it was just another way to meet people.

Especially with your limited time, something like that might work for you.


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## Indianinoz (Jul 30, 2013)

wilderness said:


> If you make 250k and you can't get a date, there is a real problem. Sorry to have to ask this, but is your hygiene ok? Are you severely overweight?


To the best of my knowledge I have no hygiene issues. I take shower twice daily. I give a lot of customer presentation so staying sharp is kind-off mandatory. I am 78 [email protected] 5' 7''. 




> Just driving around a nice car at your age should get you female attention even if you are below average looking.


I drive a BMW 320i, but it hardly makes a difference.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Indianinoz said:


> I don't have many friends either. Also, thanks to my life schedule I have no time for friends(I work 70+ hours a week) and have never taken a vacation.


Then that main problem there. Most relationships start with friendship, and also friends can help you meet someone. Can you cut your work hours? I suggest you look into booking even a mini vacation like now!


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

When your life is your work, the only way a woman will be able to relate to you is if she shares the same work. You need a more rounded life, a broader range of experiences. 

I see men like you on that Millionaire dating show. There are many men who are very smart, very successful, and when you put them across a dinner table from an attractive woman it's like the guy just hit puberty. Yikes! Good luck.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Indianinoz said:


> I don't have many friends either. Also, thanks to my life schedule I have no time for friends(I work 70+ hours a week) and have never taken a vacation.


THIS is your problem. If you don't have time for friends then you don't have time for women either. I've worked 70-80 hours a week before and there is no way I could have looked for a husband while on that schedule. Men would have run the other way.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Indianinoz said:


> I just wanted to check if there is any statistics on what percentage of men never find anyone to date/marry in their entire life.


There is absolutely no way to measure this since samples would vary across the world at any given time and people are constantly changing, etc. 

Are you socially awkward?


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## hopelessromantic1 (Feb 16, 2012)

You can't expect to have many relationships of any kind when you're working ALL the time. You can't be a total workaholic and have time to really invest yourself into another person, be it friendship or love interest. You need to have that "Aha!" moment where you realize that there is more to life, and at LEAST start taking vacations and stop to smell the roses, so to speak.

I would suggest a matchmaker as well!! Couldn't hurt to try, and they'll surely tell you if you're "Weird." LOL

Good Luck!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Indianinoz said:


> I don't have many friends either. Also, thanks to my life schedule I have no time for friends(I work 70+ hours a week) and have never taken a vacation.


BINGO

This is the issue.

You have to decide what you really want in life. Your life style is not conducive to serious relationships. I know, I have spent much of my life working such hours.

Now you may find a woman who likes the money and is glad you are not around.

So you need a lifestyle change. You do not have time or energy for women anyway.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Do you have anxiety in most social situations? Do you know any woman that you can make friends with? Preferably someone you are not attracted to. You can get comfortable with women without the pressure of a love connection. 

Another thing, I'll bet there are women who show an interest but you are so fixed in the notion that you are not attractive that you don't see it. We often see what we want to see. Heighten your awareness. Maybe some of the men can tell you how they know a woman is interested so that you recognize the signs and learn how to close the deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I agree with the above posts. Working that much simply does not leave any time for a personal life, no matter who you are and what your "qualifications" are as a potential mate.

I know it sounds cliche, but nobody on their death beds ever wishes they had put more hours in at work.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Perhaps the women don't believe a successful guy like you isn't already married and are only there trolling.

Hobby groups and church are good pls es to meet people. Charity organizations, too.

How flashy do you dress when you are out? Maybe you are intimidating.

What do you talk about with them? Have you tried inviting someone on an activity date instead of a traditional date?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I just thought of something. 

How did you succeed in your profession? What skills did you use to beat out competing people? You have friends that want to help you? How did you manage that? 

Dorothy: “Can you help me?” 
Glinda the Good Witch: "You don’t need help any longer. You have had the power all along [to get home].”

The Wizard of Oz


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Indianinoz said:


> To the best of my knowledge I have no hygiene issues. I take shower twice daily. I give a lot of customer presentation so staying sharp is kind-off mandatory. I am 78 [email protected] 5' 7''.
> 
> 
> 
> I drive a BMW 320i, but it hardly makes a difference.


What sort of stature do you have? Unless you have a muscular build, that's a bit overweight. It's nothing out of hand, but maybe you should hit the gym.


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## not_bubba (Feb 9, 2013)

I was pretty bad also with women in spite of being taller, fit, athletic, well educated, reasonably well paid, etc. Ok, I am pale and not perfect but probably not painful to look at. I spent my teens and early 20s as a social pirahia. Part was just missing out on things due to bad luck, bad choices, personality, lack of prospects (am a tech guy), etc. Women can smell insecurity and I would guess that you may have this issue if how you portray yourself is accurate. You also need to ditch the moral attitude at this phase of your life if you want things to change since what you have been doing to date is not working and the result appears to bother you. 

Some advice:
* Join some group activities in addition to online dating (which is hard numbers wise for most men via supply/demand). 
* Get some to set you up with some loose morals women (hell even if you have to more or less pay for it) and go a few rounds with such. This will help you lose the anxiety over it all (not that big a deal anyway) and that may make you more attractive to a women you want to meet more seriously. 
* Restore some balance in your life and take up other activities in a regular pattern and keep after it. Choose things where women are around (don't do what I did: surfing, extreme climbing and such where 99% were male). 
* As hard as this may be, be relaxed and get a don't care attitude. It will likely make you more desireable to many women vs being axious. 
* DO NOT talk about your past ineptitude with women in any way even if you know a woman for a long time. This will make you less desireable to most. 

Hope this helps and good luck. I recommend not delaying change since it will only get worse as you get older year by year.


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## hopelessromantic1 (Feb 16, 2012)

not_bubba said:


> I was pretty bad also with women in spite of being taller, fit, athletic, well educated, reasonably well paid, etc. Ok, I am pale and not perfect but probably not painful to look at. I spent my teens and early 20s as a social pirahia. Part was just missing out on things due to bad luck, bad choices, personality, lack of prospects (am a tech guy), etc. Women can smell insecurity and I would guess that you may have this issue if how you portray yourself is accurate. You also need to ditch the moral attitude at this phase of your life if you want things to change since what you have been doing to date is not working and the result appears to bother you.
> 
> Some advice:
> * Join some group activities in addition to online dating (which is hard numbers wise for most men via supply/demand).
> ...


:iagree: Also, get that guy ^ to be your wing man


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Notbubba- are you suggesting using prostitutes will up his value to other women? What about his value to himself?

Carrying around guilt and shame always makes a guy more attractive, right? 

If he wants to meet someone with moral values and integrity, he will always feel less than after using prostitutes. He doesn't strike me as a slimy kind of man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## not_bubba (Feb 9, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> Notbubba- are you suggesting using prostitutes will up his value to other women? What about his value to himself?
> 
> Carrying around guilt and shame always makes a guy more attractive, right?
> 
> ...


No. He need not go that extreme. However, he has cash so he should be sure to carry on in such a manner where he might get done favors by women who might not otherwise sans the benefits from knowing him. Keep in mind we are talking about a guy who is getting older with a serious social issue and the attention may help address his issues and set him on a better course. He needs some experience to help his issue. He does not need to, nor should he want to, settle down with a woman who wants him for benefits. It is actually most dangerous for a guy in this position if he does not "fix" his issue since he may in time get targeted by a real manipulator. Some exposure may be necessary to help him better evaluate people and make rational choices.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Getting experience with good people is a better way to go. Where he looks is going to make a difference.

A lonely guy can just as easily fall for the wrong sort even knowing she is the wrong sort.

He is not that old. He just needs to make some choices about how he spends his time.

I would recommend that he keep his economic situation to himself until he gets to know someone better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Start with cutting down on your work hours as everyone told you.
Then may I suggest:

- A vacation, but the agency organized type, that has a guide and everything booked for you; you will have the chance to make friends and possibly meet single women

- Pubs and clubs are not the best places to look for girlfriends. It works for ONS, but if you say your looks are not great, girls won't be interested in ONS. Someone has to get to know you and appreciate your beauty inside. Can't find such person in a club.

- Eharmony, match com, are a great source of dating. You are not alone. Youd be surprised how many educated, attractive people cant find someone the way they are looking for. 

- My guess is the (only) problem is not your level of attractiveness. You probably have social anxiety. That is the main problem, topped with the lack of time- or the long hours are precisely because of that.
If this hit the nail, you should consider some counseling first ( fortunately you can afford it) and see if you can be helped to overcome shyness, social anxiety or whatever problem you have. 
Women smell insecurities, and don't like it. They want assertive, confident men. Bring yourself as close to that as you can.

- Don't flaunt your money in front of women, you don't want to wonder if they are with you for yourself, or for your money. You're better off alone than with a gold digger.

- See the movie "40 years old virgin" ( I know, youre not 40 and guess not virgin either) but that's the point. It shows you that it can be worse, and if there is hope even for the 40 years old virgin, so must be some for you too.

Wish you best of luck.


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## ShyEnglishman (Aug 23, 2013)

Indianinoz said:


> Have been trying that for six months with no success. Maybe I am weird?.


I know a few people who've used dating websites. Some have a string of dates, some have no luck at all, but it doesn't seem to be anything to do with them. Their luck on the dating sites bears no resemblance to their past success in the real world. I.e. its hit and miss.



> But, I don't see many single men(or women) around me, which makes me wonder am I really-really weird.


Only because you're so conscious of it. When I was a teenager I went through that, quite convinced I was the only single person in the world.



> I am really at loss to understand how to solve this problem and what do other men do that I don’t.


You could try the approach I took just before I met my wife. Having had two previous relationships (failed!) and several one night stands which I didn't want to be one nighters, but they did, I gave up on women. I decided I was better off single. When I met my wife I was not 'on the pull', I just had reason to speak to her. Now here's the thing. Because I wasn't desperate, the girl that became my wife did not raise her guard. We met as friends a few times before realising that we mutually we were developing strong feelings for each other.


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## Costa (Nov 24, 2012)

Sometimes we may think we are quite a catch- attractive, well to do, educated etc. But there may be things that are totally "off" about us which we aren't aware. Like bad breath, body odor, bad manners or something very unpleasant.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think you are on to something. 

Sometimes it is social ineptness. Extreme shyness, or Aspergers, a disorder that effects the ability to read people. 

Bill Gates, Al Gore and Robin Williams are some contemporary highly successful people with Aspergers. Hans Aspergers, a pediatrician for which the disorder was named, had it. 

I'm not saying the poster has Aspergers. Only that professional success is not necessarily a guarantee of social sucess.


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