# THANK YOU!!!!!!



## Fixer (Jun 20, 2021)

Been a long time lurker here, I just wanted to say thanks to strangers here whose advice in other topics helped to save my marriage. Here is my story.

I ( M 31) and my wife of the same age had been together since highschool years, we were both first to each other. 5 years into our marriage she changed jobs and I had to leave country for a few intervals of a couple of weeks. This is when I noticed she has got infatuated with her coworker with whom she was sharing office. The dreaded gut feeling was beeping since day one of their encounter. This was the time when she was at the peak of her beauty, and we were about to start having children.

When I got back, we went to her work party. It was a total disaster. She was ghosting me in front of him, was doing subconscious **** tests pitting me against him, did not want to leave the party when everybody was leaving and I had to embarrass myself in front of him (only left with me after 3rd time of asking and raising my voice). The wild stare in her eyes and the silence when we drove back told me everything I needed to know. 

Next morning I took her phone, and found a few weeks old text ‘where are you?  ‚’ at 9am when he did not show up for work. When he said he was sick at home, she offered ˋlet me know if there is anything you need‘. He then declined her offer, saying thanks ill be fine. No other texting, no deleted texts. Well, they were spending every day at work together so that was enough for her already. In other words, my wife was subconsciously looking to end up in his place 1:1. That did not happen, I have traced events day by day checked alibis etc. A few facts worked in her favour-she declined to go on a hiking trip with him, because she thought that would be inappropriate. She was also not having lunches with him1:1 for the same reason, and did not go out with him after work (all checked). Her behaviour at the party was typical un-consumated infatuation, when the brain just shuts down (otherwise she is extremely intelligent and rational and would have rugswept everything if it was more serious. The **** was just starting). The guy was lukewarm btw, he was telling her compliments but otherwise he felt my dominance and understood everything. He even started telling me how he wanted to finally see me there, in a sort of apologetic/relief tone. And, at the end pf the day, he did not take advantage of her home delivery offer. 

So what did I do when I got back from the party and had those texts at hand? I came here and started reading similar stories. I did not have much, but at the same time I had everything. Ive read about gaslighting, blameshifting, lying and other good stuff cheaters do, and ive prepared myself for that. When I confronted her, she did all that. She intuitively started pointing at me, then she even started arguingthat she WOULD have gone to his place had he asked for medicine, that there was nothing wrong caring for friends etc. And you know what - was it not for this forum, I would have fallen for her ********. Because guys, we all want to hear from our loved ones that it wasnt that bad. The purpose of gaslighting is to make you believe what you crave to believe, when the real truth is disturbing.

Then I manned the fk up and told her plainly - this is what we‘re gonna do: You move your ass to your bosses cell first thing in the morning, you ask him to move you to another office asap, you cut contact with the guy starting yesterday. She was still staring at me with that glass eyed look, hating me that i was ending her little innocent fantasy, as she thought then. She said no, and that was another **** test. Then I started packing my ****, and after 5sec she said ill do everything you want. Next morning she was back to her former self, the woman I knew and loved. Calm and in her place. She soon got pregnant from me afterwards. She never spoke to the guy again.

Many years have passed since then already, and we are doing great. We have beautiful children, and she is so transparent and so afraid to **** things up that she is telling me even the smallest details when someone tries to hit on her. She shuts down any attempts at flirting by mentioning her hubby. She is afraid of befriending other men to the point of having only female friendships, because i have hammered into her head that 1 strike and she is out, that there will be no further investigations.

I wanted to thank everyone in this forum for saving my marriage. Dads do not normally teach their sons this ****, but it is essential knowledge. If you don‘t want to get cheated on, you have to work on things, you have to be preventive, never let your guard down, dont put it on autopilot. Because in 10, 20, 30 years of marriage you will sure as hell encounter competition. We are apes after all. You need to program your woman and teach her, set the limits and be prepared to walk away. You need to show up at your wifes work, you need to feel the pulse, you need coworkers to know that she has an alpha husband. Women hate weakness, because they are weak themselves, and they love assertiveness. Never buy their ********, even the most innocent girl (like mine) will gaslight she sht out of you, if the circumstances are happy enough. Always follow your gut and man the fk up.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Glad it all worked out for you. A few things you said troubled me though. 
First you said she was calm and 'back in her place'. 
Second you said you need to 'programme your woman'.
Those statements sound off.


Lastly you said we are apes, nope we are human beings.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

We are not much different than apes. We're motivated by primitive desires and often those desires overcome our more rational selves.

I think this would leave a permanent stain on my marriage. I feel like I should not have to win back my own wife or drive away the competition. My wife should choose me naturally as I am. I'm glad things ultimately worked out for you, but it would always bother me that I had to reassert myself as such, or manipulate her back into the fold. I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who needed to be kept in line.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Fixer said:


> Been a long time lurker here, I just wanted to say thanks to strangers here whose advice in other topics helped to save my marriage. Here is my story.
> 
> I ( M 31) and my wife of the same age had been together since highschool years, we were both first to each other. 5 years into our marriage she changed jobs and I had to leave country for a few intervals of a couple of weeks. This is when I noticed she has got infatuated with her coworker with whom she was sharing office. The dreaded gut feeling was beeping since day one of their encounter. This was the time when she was at the peak of her beauty, and we were about to start having children.
> 
> ...


I was really liking this post until you got into the red pill stuff. If you go too far down that road you will end up over compensating and hurting your marriage in other ways.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Fixer said:


> *She is afraid of befriending other men* to the point of having only female friendships, because i have hammered into her head that *1 strike and she is out*, that there will be no further investigations.


My wife and I have *never* had friends of the opposite sex. My wife was a SAHM, it might have been a larger issue if she had worked outside of the home. I saw things on the job that proved that working place affairs are pretty common, despite lot of businesses frowning on fraternizing with opposite sex employees.

You saved her and yourself a lot of misery by stopping things before they progressed too far and firmly laying down your boundaries not to be crossed.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Most can’t make a decision and end up wallowing in this **** needlessly. 
indecision is a cheaters best friend.


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## Fixer (Jun 20, 2021)

Tatsuhiko said:


> We are not much different than apes. We're motivated by primitive desires and often those desires overcome our more rational
> 
> I think this would leave a permanent stain on my marriage. I feel like I should not have to win back my own wife or drive away the competition. My wife should choose me naturally as I am. I'm glad things ultimately worked out for you, but it would always bother me that I had to reassert myself as such, or manipulate her back into the fold. I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who needed to be kept in line.


IMO It is unreasonable to expect things like that can never happen in decades of marriage. She was not sexting or texting, she avoided contact where she thought inappropriate, she did not rugsweep anything, she did not go to meet with him when he was inviting her to formally ‘innocent’ work parties, their acquaintance lasted only a couple of weeks and it was not enough time for it to evolve. I mean compared to situations people report here, mine was of a lighter kind. The speed at which she forgot him (literally next day, you cant fake this, like waking up from a dream after a cold shower) showed that it was not worth to burry my marriage for this, and I that I made a good decision. I never had to reassert myself like that again, and by her subsequent behaviour she proved that she got the message.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Fixer said:


> Then I manned the fk up and told her plainly - this is what we‘re gonna do: You move your ass to your bosses cell first thing in the morning, you ask him to move you to another office asap, you cut contact with the guy starting yesterday. She was still staring at me with that glass eyed look, hating me that i was ending her little innocent fantasy, as she thought then. She said no, and that was another ** test. Then I started packing my **, and after 5sec she said ill do everything you want. Next morning she was back to her former self, the woman I knew and loved. Calm and *in her place*. She soon got pregnant from me afterwards. She never spoke to the guy again.
> 
> Many years have passed since then already, and we are doing great. We have beautiful children, and she is so transparent and so afraid to **** things up that she is telling me even the smallest details when someone tries to hit on her. She shuts down any attempts at flirting by mentioning her hubby. She is afraid of befriending other men to the point of having only female friendships, because i have hammered into her head that 1 strike and she is out, that there will be no further investigations.
> 
> I wanted to thank everyone in this forum for saving my marriage. Dads do not normally teach their sons this *, *but it is essential knowledge. If you don‘t want to get cheated on, you have to work on things, you have to be preventive, never let your guard down, dont put it on autopilot. Because in 10, 20, 30 years of marriage you will sure as hell encounter competition. We are apes after all.* You need to program your woman and teach her, *set the limits and be prepared to walk away. You need to show up at your wifes work, you need to feel the pulse, you need coworkers to know that she has an alpha husband. *Women hate weakness, because they are weak themselves*, and they love assertiveness. Never buy their ****, even the most innocent girl (like mine) will gaslight she sht out of you, if the circumstances are happy enough. Always follow your gut and man the fk up.


I was loving this post until I read the bolded. What the actual dude? Seriously??? Oh my.


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## Fixer (Jun 20, 2021)

frusdil said:


> I was loving this post until I read the bolded. What the actual dude? Seriously??? Oh my.


I guess, men and women have different opinions on this  But it also depends on a woman, her family history etc. some need to be taught more than others. Again im generalizing, but this is the only way we can make sense of a complex world. Im too old to buy into politically correct bs, im sorry


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Fixer said:


> Women hate weakness, because they are weak themselves,


Funny how this board is full of women who had men with the poor boundary issues. I am not weak. I wasn’t weak in my marriage, and I am not weak now. I won’t lie and say that I love weakness but honestly I don’t like it in either gender.


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

A forum full of both men and women who’ve been cheated on, but it’s women who are weak? Please don’t teach your children that women need to be programmed. We aren’t machines and we aren’t weak.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Fixer said:


> I guess, men and women have different opinions on this  But it also depends on a woman, her family history etc. some need to be taught more than others. Again im generalizing, but this is the only way we can make sense of a complex world. Im too old to buy into politically correct bs, im sorry


Yeah, you are headed for trouble. Why do you want to be married to someone who you think of like a child?

By the way being an Alpha isn't about controlling your wife, it's about being strong enough to let your wife make her own choices and knowing you will be OK no matter what they are.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Fixer said:


> I guess, men and women have different opinions on this  But it also depends on a woman, her family history etc. some need to be taught more than others. Again im generalizing, but this is the only way we can make sense of a complex world. Im too old to buy into politically correct bs, im sorry


No it's not about men and women having different opinions, it's about how you treat your wife.


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