# A question for cheaters. Is this even possible?



## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

Hi,

My H had an EA and PA that lasted a year. It was pretty intense from what I gathered from found emails, text and conversations with the OW and H. Anyway, we are working on our marriage and he has done everything he is suppose to be doing and things are going really well.

My only doubt is that when I asked him how he feels today about the OW, he says he never thinks of her. I asked if he misses her and his response was "no!" Is this even possible?

This OW had been in his life since he was 7. They were really hot and heavy and I just can't believe he doesn't think of her or is at least sad about losing something that at some point was important enough to give up his wife and family.

Is he just trying to spare my feelings? Or, is it possible, that once you're out of the fog, you are free of emotional feelings for your "lover?"

Thanks!


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

You know, I can't speak for everyone but I don't think of him unless something comes up that sort of "forces" me to such as Dear Hubby asking or saying something!  For example, I go literally months without a thought and even now as I'm answering you I'm not thinking of "him" but more like this whole other, weird person who does not seem like me at all and this person "she" knew. 

So I don't think he's trying to spare your feelings. I suspect he is thinking about work, home, the kids, bills, the dog and cat, you, and what he has to be thinking about...possibly some music or a certain show you two watch.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

pacmouse said:


> Is he just trying to spare my feelings?


This is just as likely as any reason.

However, if there is an consolation for you, it is that he is with you and not her.


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## i_feel_broken (Jul 5, 2010)

how long has it been since they have had contact?

I am not a cheater (opposite) but if it has been a while I would imagine he wants to forget not remember. It is probably a part of his life he wishes he could erase and if you two are going well and you are fulfilling his needs then he is probably being genuine in his answer.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

My H and I aren't back together atm, which is his choice, I have asked him if he loves her and he said "No, that it was a too strong a word to use" He talks to her occasionally via email (once a week if that) which is apparently just platonic.. but he says he doesn't think about her that often.

That he spends more time thinking about me.


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

pacmouse said:


> Hi,
> 
> My only doubt is that when I asked him how he feels today about the OW, he says he never thinks of her. I asked if he misses her and his response was "no!" Is this even possible?
> 
> ...


Well, I hope it's possible because that's the same answer my H has given me. He has told me he NEVER thinks of her. The only time he even thinks about the A is when I bring it up and he is forced to! I, too, find it a litle hard to believe but he is adamant that she never crosses his mind.


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## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

i_feel_broken said:


> how long has it been since they have had contact?
> 
> I am not a cheater (opposite) but if it has been a while I would imagine he wants to forget not remember. It is probably a part of his life he wishes he could erase and if you two are going well and you are fulfilling his needs then he is probably being genuine in his answer.


Just over 4 months...

He also says it was the worst part of his life that he wishes to forget.


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## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

I had a pretty intense EA for just about a year 5 years ago. 

I don't even think of him, stopped about a few months after I stopped talking to him. I think with me I just finally realized what I was losing and what I would gain if I stopped !


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

I think of everything all the time as far as people go but I don't dwell or miss. It just pops in my head then out again.


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