# I want to cry but can't



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I got news that my grandmother died. I can't even cry. Why? Because I'm so consumed with what's happening with me. I live far away from home (Different country) and haven't seen my grandmother in years. When other relatives have died, I've always cried...but not this time. My wife is still at work and I know she'll be supportive, but I almost don't want it. Before the news arrived (It arrived by email because I haven't been easy to reach by phone) I was having moments of UP in the "My wife will come home and since we've had sex 3 out of the last 4 days, maybe I can push for some more intimacy (Non-sexual if that's how it plays out) kind of bonding...but great if it led to more.

I've been doing some reading of some of the other posts and wish I had the patients that some people have in re-building their marriages. I'm constantly praying that my wife will suddenly realize that I'm the only one for her (As I once was) and she'll come running home to me. Instead I get a text message saying 'on my way home' with nothing else. She's calling me by my first name in her emails and not using her usually 'Honey' pet-name she normal used.

While the physical intimacy over the last couple of days has been great, it seems that whenever I'm away from her I'm lost in my thoughts and I can't escape them. I've tried what some have said "Think of something else, completely different" and that isn't working. My entire life as I know it has her intertwined in it. I found an old picture of us right when we first started seeing each other and we looks so happy and in love. I see her face and wish I could make her that happy again...and that alone would make me the happiest man there is. They say love is patient and that's what I'm trying to be. 

Yesterday, after work I stopped in at a local real-estate agency. I got some papers of different apartments in an area we talked about relocating to. At the end of the conversation I was happy that we were talking about US and the possible future...but she ruined it with the comment 'Well, if we get a place here I think you're mother won't be happy. She wants you at home (Another country)." She didn't use WE...she used YOU...and my mother of course means the two of us and not only me. I responded by saying "My life is here." I tried to keep it positive and quickly changed the subject to something different. By the end of the evening she pretty much passed out in front of me and I took her to bed. 

And here I am...still not crying...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Crying is a funny thing. I rarely do it, but its not because I think its not manly or something. I just don't. I even understand wanting to cry - wanting that release. Knowing that a good cry can make anyone feel better at the right time.

No answers - just telling you you're not alone.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

I think you are a bit tapped out. Just before I discovered my husband's affair, and I mean days before, we buried his mother, whom I was close to and spent time with while she was dying. I didn't really cry about anything for at least 2 months. After about 3 months, I cried every day.

Emotionally, it is hell, as you know. Now that we are six months out, things are so much better.

best,

Lyn


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