# I thought he liked me and made a move and now I'm left feeling embarrassed



## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

I recently won a contest that allowed me backstage passes to a band hang out and to meet the band. They aren’t famous or anything, but they’re chill guys and are known in the area. I must preface this by saying they're not even a singing group. They are a very goofy dance group, but it is good fun. The evening was awesome and my friend and I got to hang backstage for about 2 hours with the band before they went on. There was on guy back there who is not in the band is a long term friend of theirs and helps out with the shows sometimes, and I felt like we had chemistry. We chatted for a good while, he was joking around, and he got them all to sign my goodies and write a personalized message. 

After they went onstage they came out and walked around dancing and hanging with the crowd, and my friends all mentioned how he kept giving me the eyes and looking at me, but he ended up the other side of the venue and I said maybe he was just friendly with everyone and it is his personality. So about 20 mins before our ride showed up he came back around to where I was standing and started convo again asking where I am from, where I live, what I do job wise, and we were flirting and chatting. I was really hoping he would ask for my number but he didn’t, although he gave me a hug goodbye and said it was lovely to meet me. 

The band now know us so I added all of them on Facebook as we go to their shows a lot, and they all accepted and he did too. He seems to be single, but he hasn’t messaged or anything, so I took the initiative and messaged him, and he read it last night but he has not replied yet he has been online, and I am really confused by this. 

It isn't like a music industry job. He works a 9-5 elsewhere as he told me and he just helps them sometimes when they don't have anybody else to help out, and he didn't have to make a point of coming back over. He really seemed into it and I am honestly super surprised he didn't respond, but the fact he hasn't and it is the day after just makes me think he isn't into it. I feel really embarrassed because it takes a lot for me to try and make a move because I am quite shy and really fear being rejected, and now this has happened and I may have to see him again at a future show, I feel uncomfortable as he must know I like him. His signs made me feel pretty confident in reaching out, which is why I did.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

How old are you? It matters to get focused relevant advice.


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

I’m 28 and he’s 34


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't hold your breath on his replying. You barely know him. He could be married, have a girlfriend, be a incorrigible flirt or you simply misread his signals in that he treated you as a loyal fan. 

More pressing is that you are 28 and are having difficulty dealing with this. Do you have close friends that you confide in and have explained your fear of rejection?


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

Not really. I have friends but I wouldn’t really share this with them. They know about him but just said to move on if he’s not interested, but I take rejection so personally.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> Not really. I have friends but I wouldn’t really share this with them. They know about him but just said to move on if he’s not interested, but I take rejection so personally.


That is not healthy as you don't really have a 'personal' relationship. It was just a show with Facebook friendship following. All artists use FB and other social media sites to communicate with fans. It is their job to do that, to collect followers on social media. 

If it was personal he would have given you his number.

I would suggest some personal counseling to help you develop some tools to deal with this fear of rejection and to learn how to put yourself out there without feeling vulnerable. You are 28 and have plenty of time to practice and learn. Other that that I have no other advice for you but others here have much more expertise than me in dealing with these types of issues. Stick around and see what others say.


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

Thanks. I don’t disagree he isn’t acting interested, but just to reconfirm....he isn’t a memeber of the band so wouldn’t need to gain fans. He’s just a friend that helps them out.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> Thanks. I don’t disagree he isn’t acting interested, but just to reconfirm....he isn’t a memeber of the band so wouldn’t need to gain fans. He’s just a friend that helps them out.


A local chief of the fan club. As such with his connection to the band he gets to hang around.. - and flirt with fans.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

One last thing. A woman of 28 should be rejecting suitors left and right, not the other way around feeling rejected.

That is where you want to be.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> Thanks. I don’t disagree he isn’t acting interested, but just to reconfirm....he isn’t a memeber of the band so wouldn’t need to gain fans. He’s just a friend that helps them out.


He’s basically a roadie.
Those guys get more action than the band members themselves.
If he was interested he would have made his move.He didn’t so just move on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He probably fancied you like mad.

But he is maybe in a committed relationship and does not want to cheat.

However, you can pull men, which is something to think about!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

There's no reason to beat yourself up over this, connections don't always lead to dates. You took a shot, good for you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like he was attracted to you but for whatever reason decided against pursuing you. Your friends are right in advising you to just move on. There is always a risk in pursuing someone. If you fear ejection that much there are two choices: never pursue at all or pursue so much you finally get used to the occasional rejection.


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

I know this sounds silly, but do you think he knows I like him? I never directly said it, I just asked about the company and thanked him. 3 days later and no reply. I guess sending another message is a mistake?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Judging by your initial post it is hard to discern whether he 'likes' you as in wanting to pursue a relationship. 

But the fact that you know he read the FB message and has not responded tells you all you need to know. 

Don't bother to write again. If you ever meet him again at an event and he starts to chat you up ask him why he did not bother to write back. 

Until then forget about him, it is not healthy to obsess over these types of rejections, real or imaginary.


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

Yeah I really don't understand it. I guess he isn't obligated to respond back, but the fact he hasn't I find weird because he made so much convo the night of. Do you think it is obvious I like him from the message?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I think you are making a bigger thing of this than it is. Let it go now--don't pursue--that could get really embarrassing. If something is meant to happen it will--without you pushing.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> Yeah I really don't understand it. I guess he isn't obligated to respond back, but the fact he hasn't I find weird because he made so much convo the night of. Do you think it is obvious I like him from the message?


 @aroundtheworld9 you are a twenty eight year old single woman,you can chat easily to people,you can flirt and obviously have plenty of friends.So one part time roadie doesn’t message you back,so ****ing what.**** him and his bs.
He knows exactly what he is doing and the next time they have a gig that you attend don’t be surprised when you’re invited backstage again and he is really nice to you.These guys are after one thing and for whatever reasons he decided you weren’t going to put out on the night in question.This is a stereotypical image but most people in bands or involved in live entertainment are looking to score every night and you would just have been another notch on his bedpost.Believe me I am speaking from experience.
Why don’t you try and meet people in a non dating situation.Look up meetup.com in your area.Its a way to meet people with similar hobbies,hiking,photography etc.
Oh and don’t take rejection so seriously,you will never be a player with that attitude.(Joking)


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> Yeah I really don't understand it. I guess he isn't obligated to respond back, but the fact he hasn't I find weird because he made so much convo the night of. Do you think it is obvious I like him from the message?


He is obligated ethically and morally to not lead you on if say he is involved with someone else or is just not interested in pursuing a relationship beyond friendly. One way to not lead you on is to not reply to a message. Ghosted, the millennial "I am just not into you". Sorry but not leading you on and wasting your time he is really doing you a favor. 

However there is a possibility he is absent minded and not replied. But in my experience available men always respond when females who they are attracted to reach out to them. Always. 

People engage in conversations at events, genuine conversations that are just friendly conversations, nothing else. 

As far as does he obviously know you like him? I would say yes but only he knows. Him not replying tells you a lot though. Accept it.


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

I don't get why he accepted the friend request either to just blank me. What is the gain? He could have just left it pending.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> I just don't get why someone would be that fake? *He is a friend*, and this isn't a band that tour. They do local stuff once every month and *he is a friend* from school. They don't travel the country or anything. I don't get why he accepted the* friend request* either to just blank me. What is the gain?


If he is a friend - your words twice then why is he fake for talking to you pleasantly? 

There are literally billions of FB 'friend' connections that are just that. Friends. 

We cannot read his mind as to why he has not replied. 

Gain? I don't think you should obsess over his intent with the absence of any real evidence besides your feelings.


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## aroundtheworld9 (May 1, 2017)

I meant a friend to the band, not to me.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> I meant a friend to the band, not to me.


My bad, I misunderstood.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

@aroundtheworld9, did you have any experiences like this when you were a teen?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He may be in a relationship.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

aroundtheworld9 said:


> I don't get why he accepted the friend request either to just blank me. What is the gain? He could have just left it pending.


Why are you trying so hard *not *to hear what literally EVERYONE HERE is telling you? He's nice to everyone - as you SAW that night you were there.

So the guy 'collects' heads on Facebook like a lot of people do on social media. Big deal. I'll bet he accepts a lot of friend requests because it promotes whatever 'band' it is you say he's a roadie for. From the sounds of it, a "goofy dance group" sounds like they could probably use all the social media connections they can *get*, and you're now one of them. The roadie would look like a complete ass if he didn't accept your request but the main group did - they're all about self promotion and want any connections they can get. It ain't rocket science.



> I don't get why he accepted the friend request either to just blank me. What is the gain? He could have just left it pending.


See the paragraph above. How does anyone promote themselves? Word of mouth. building a large fan base,, etc. etc. It's just silly teenage thinking when you're trying so hard to put some kind of meaning into an FB request and you're too old for that. I crack up when I read silly posts from Millennials saying, "we're Facebook official." LMAO. They live their lives over the internet and on social media and would be crippled without having a keyboard by which to conduct their social lives. Since when did Facebook or Instagram become the *standard* by which to measure a relationship? I mean, _*seriously*_???

Stop trying to put some kind of hidden meaning into a lame Facebook friend request. Leave that for the kids.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Well, apparently you're over your embarrassment if you're thinking about sending another message. 

Don't.


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