# Looking at a marriage without romantic love....



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

My husband recently revealed to me that he just isnt romantic and the following morning I had an epiphany that it was me who read into anything he did in our dating days as his being romantic... he was actually not being romantic, he was just being. I needed to see romance from a significant other having just come out of a 9 year marriage with a man with ED and no romance or sex for 4 years. That means anytime he made a cd I thought our relationship inspired his musical choices. Anytime he spent an hour or 2 dancing and singing to me was romantic, when it was simply him enjoting his music. Anytime he actually made love to me that lasted a while I though he was so into me he had to have me for a long time, he was just pleasuring himself. I thought when he started having sex in the position I love more often it was him saying he loves me and my pleasure is important to him... he was simply not into the sex anymore and was doing it to avoid me seeking my pleasure in more demanding ways. It wasnt that he wasnt into me, or he would have left... but his need for sex had been satisfied and he went into the comfort phase way early.

I also understand all those frustrating weekends when we would be watching sports and I would doll myself up in my sexy understated way to get him in the mood either during or after football was over (and by during I mean while watching bc Im a huge football fan). 

He simply doesnt get turned on, period. There is nothing I can do or not do that turns him on... its from within only. If something goes off inside him that says "hey, Im in the mood, where is she at?" then he wants it, if not, then nope. I even asked him "if the hottest model was sitting on the other end of the couch instead of me, and she was naked, you still wouldnt want to hop on her?" Nope. I dont get it, but I have to accept it...

The second blow was his revelation that if sex were just sex and not focused on me or my orgasm, he siad I would have it more than double what we do now, in fact (he continued), we would have it so much I would probably get sick of it! I was LMAOROTFL inside when he said that, surely he doesnt know me as I could never get sick of it

So, I am looking at a life without romance, ever. It is a very hard pill for me to swallow, but because I needed to see him a certain way that he wasnt, and now know the truth, and am married to him, Im stuck with that reality. 

So for now, since we are trying for a baby, he seems to like giving me "deposits" of sperm. SO, that's what we will do for now. I guess I will have to keep thinking up weird things like that so that he doesnt mind having sex. I know Joe Dirt says "life is a garden, dig it..." but I think "life is a joke, laugh...":rofl:


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

How old are you? My suggestion is not complicate a faltering marriage with a baby.

You can get sperm deposits anywhere - let's face it - as a guy I know male body parts are common. 

A marriage is a blend of business and romance. Both need attention.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Im at the end of my reproductive life... I had difficulty having babies even when I was 30. My cycles are shortening as I am going to go into some sort of ealryish menopause soon. I really want one more child for my own reasons... not for him. I cant get a job because where I live and being responsible for my 2 older kids... really having another baby will give me something to look forward to each day so I dont think about the marriage. I love babies and children. If I cant have my own, I will be voluterring 4 hours a week in a nicu, as my son was a preemie and know how important care is during their stay in the nicu... most parents take off as soon as the hospital stay is over and come back in for visits. I stayed with my son everyday until he came home, and held him fed him and did the things a voluteer would do in my absence. It gives me great joy to care for children.


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