# New sexual moves



## Song (Jul 11, 2011)

Say you've been married for years and you've become familiar and intimate with what your husband ~ or wife ~ does in bed and then, one day, he or she does something completely different sexually.

It's certainly a sexual move neither of you have ever explored ~ ever. 

My husband did this more than a few times. 

He also shaved himself, his genitals completely ~ something he never did. 

He me that all of this ~ the shaving, the new sexual moves ~ was the result of watching porn and learning from that.

These behaviors sound too much like red flags for... cheating... to me. 

I'm wondering if anyone else on here has experienced something like this and then discovered that their husband or wife was cheating.


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

Yes. After years of same boring sex he offered a few new suggestions.

Also shaved his bits.

Discovered he had been cheating, but not that these changes alerted me to it, it was because I stumbled upon him chatting to a woman on the computer one night. 

As a side note, maybe it was up to me to offer a few new sexual positions as well instead of just putting up with what he offered.

Maybe your husband is getting these ideas from porn. Keep an eye out for other signs of a cheating spouse.

Gee, makes me feel so dumb that others can be so aware of changes in their partner that they get suspicious of cheating. I was so blind to the signs. Good luck.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Song said:


> These behaviors sound too much like red flags for... cheating... to me.


I don't know if I would jump to that conclusion right away. It's just as possible that he's been investigating porn and getting ideas from it.

I could find logic in suggesting that if he were cheating and doing all those things with another woman, he probably wouldn't be wasting his time trying them on you. You'd end up with 30 seconds of missionary.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a guy who has cheated on his wife... At the point I had shaved my bits, she hadn't seen then for months, and never did see them after. And any new moves were exercised after I left the marriage. So I would go with his story as truth unless there's something else. Heck, I try new things with my current GF, and I don't watch porn and I'm not cheating on her. I just enjoy the intimacy with her, and am responding to her sexually. But she has asked me "Where did THAT come from?"

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

BigToe said:


> I could find logic in suggesting that if he were cheating and doing all those things with another woman, he probably wouldn't be wasting his time trying them on you. You'd end up with 30 seconds of missionary.


Yup, that explains why I got 30 seconds (oops almost typed minutes, I wish) of missionary.


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## Song (Jul 11, 2011)

I'm so like you MsWren ~ or I was. I was pretty much blind to all the signs ~ jeez, who am I kidding, red huge banners! ~ anyway, I forgot to mention earlier that I discovered my husband had a "whole secret life online." And it was only afterwards when I began revisiting the history of our marriage that I thought of these "unique" things from the past. 

Now I can't help thinking that he was actually meeting up with people. He was chatting and looking at porn all the time when I was at home, but unaware in another part of the house. 

Now I don't trust him at all ~ because of all the lies.

So I was wondering if this behavior of shaving and new moves which occurred while he was in his "secret life" phase, meant... PA.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Song said:


> Say you've been married for years and you've become familiar and intimate with what your husband ~ or wife ~ does in bed and then, one day, he or she does something completely different sexually.
> 
> It's certainly a sexual move neither of you have ever explored ~ ever.
> 
> ...



Do your relationship a favor and don't convince yourself of cheating without real evidence.

I do stuff like that on a regular basis and I have never cheated. Been married 34 years. I do those things because I'm tiring to keep it fresh and not vanilla. 

I am constantly looking for new ways to excite her. Nothing, really nothing makes me as happy as hearing her get so satisfied that she moans and squeals with delight at orgasm. The louder the more intense. 

Could he be cheating? Well yeah its possible but a false accusation on that level is one of the most hurtful and dangerous things things I have experienced. My thoughts at the time were; if i'm going to be tried, convicted and sentenced over something I didn't do then I might as well go ahead and enjoy the benefits of it and do it. It was difficult to get beyond. 

The long and the short of it is he may be just like me and tring to spice up your relationship so be careful how you proceed with this.

Good luck


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

After reading most of the replies here, there are some valid points for you to 'suspect' him of cheating.

It's also possible that he's just keeping things fresh and spicy because he truly loves you.

The only sure-fire way is to find out what's really happening.


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## dojo (Jul 4, 2011)

Well, my guy also spiced up our sex life a little. We've been together for 9 years, so there's a lot of sex to be had. Still, I wouldn't just jump right to considering him a cheat (I actually wouldn't expect this from him at all), and he didn't really watch porn from what I know (not that I would have anything against it, as long as it's keeping it to a "normal" level). I have to say I do enjoy his new ideas in bed and they keep our sex life interesting and pleasant.

As Stonewall suggested, don't accuse without true evidence, I wouldn't be happy either if my man suggested I am not playing fair, I assume your man wouldn't like it either.


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

dojo said:


> Well, my guy also spiced up our sex life a little. We've been together for 9 years, so there's a lot of sex to be had. Still, I wouldn't just jump right to considering him a cheat (I actually wouldn't expect this from him at all), and he didn't really watch porn from what I know (not that I would have anything against it, as long as it's keeping it to a "normal" level). I have to say I do enjoy his new ideas in bed and they keep our sex life interesting and pleasant.
> 
> As Stonewall suggested, don't accuse without true evidence, I wouldn't be happy either if my man suggested I am not playing fair, I assume your man wouldn't like it either.



Nice input, dojo. I think that the guy's really trying hard to keep things new and exciting. He's putting in the effort, that's for sure.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Closer said:


> Nice input, dojo. I think that the guy's really trying hard to keep things new and exciting. He's putting in the effort, that's for sure.


And automatically assuming it's for the worst reasons is going to _*really*_ incentivise him to keep doing it


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I have mixed feelings about this. My wife of 11 years started shaving bare all of a sudden and we had a very nice "surge" in our sex life. I had sudgested the shaving in the past and she always said that she did not want to, because a little hair down their made her feel like a woman (little landing strip). 

2 months later I found out she was cheating on me.


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## Song (Jul 11, 2011)

Turns out that this was a huge red flag ~ a person doesn't suddenly "change" without some assistance somewhere. Well, that's what happened to me anyway. 

I suppose I was just asking to find reassurance otherwise....


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sometimes with a mate who's picture is next to 'dead fish' in the dictionary you just try to break the mold and try ANYTHING.


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## JeffX (Oct 13, 2010)

Because a guy wants to please his wife, he's cheating? So he tried something new? What's wrong with that?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

JeffX said:


> Because a guy wants to please his wife, he's cheating? So he tried something new? What's wrong with that?


In some peoples' eyes, loads. One partner tries something new. The other partner thinks:
"Where did they find out? Are they looking at porn?" To some people, sites like this, or magazines like Cosmo count as "porn" because sex is freely discussed. Some people would throw a blue fit if they thought their partner was reading this site!

"Has someone else told / shown them?" The new-idea'ed partner is either cheating, or talking to someone else about their sex life, which is not cheating but bad enough.

"Aren't I good enough?" Trying something new can be seen as a straight-out attack on the other person's sexual skills and performance. By trying something new, you're seen as sending the not so subtle message that the other partner isn't up to speed.

So, yes, in some peoples' view, trying something new has lots wrong with it.


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## JeffX (Oct 13, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> In some peoples' eyes, loads. One partner tries something new. The other partner thinks:
> "Where did they find out? Are they looking at porn?" To some people, sites like this, or magazines like Cosmo count as "porn" because sex is freely discussed. Some people would throw a blue fit if they thought their partner was reading this site!
> 
> "Has someone else told / shown them?" The new-idea'ed partner is either cheating, or talking to someone else about their sex life, which is not cheating but bad enough.
> ...



I find that kind of sad actually.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Joie de vivre!
Try everything once! You can't when your dead.

"My goal is to have a good time all the time"-Mick, This Is Spinal Tap


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## roymcavoy (Apr 15, 2011)

Hold on, now. I've shaved my bits, and tried everything new under the sun to rev her engines -- at least, as much as she will tolerate -- and, I've never even been REMOTELY interested in another woman.

It's always "possible" he's seeing someone else...but, I think it's a stretch to assume.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

JeffX said:


> I find that kind of sad actually.


Oh I agree. It's deeply sad, but unfortunately true as well.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

He could be cheating. But because he started shaving and tried some new moves could indeed be an attempt to please you!!
I find it strange that a person is applauded for spending weeks on the internet researching reviews for the best new flat screen before buying one but some would think it strange for thier spouse to research how to be a better lover.

I started shaving about 6 months ago upon my wifes request and am now getting laser hair removal. We both find it more fun in the sack and I love that I dont get that itchy feeling when excersising. Perhaps he just feels 'cleaner' shaved.

I also decided to try and become a better lover for my wife and have done lots of research on-line and with books to accomplish this goal. This has led to a few "where did you learn that" questions as well as a few "that did not works".

None of what I have been doing is because of, or in preperation for, an affair. So maybe you should participate in your realationship and ask him what gives. Not i an accusitory manor but just a "hey babe i've noticed some fun changes in the bedroom. Would you like me to learn a new trick or two". Then guage his response. If it seems odd then keep an eye out.


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## Song (Jul 11, 2011)

It turns out that he wasn't interested in pleasing me as some of you might have suggested ~ I wish that were so ~ but that's not the case. Turns out that he was getting heavy into cam sex and porn and basically replaced me. 

He was masturbating with men online, among other things.

I was a fool in love with him, always the one to initiate sex and tried to make it playful and fun. I love sex. During our entire marriage, I can count on one hand the number of times I refused him or was too tired for sex ~ again, because I love sex and love playing sexually ~ with him. 

He, on the other hand, refused... a lot. He repeatedly told me he was in love with me, but that he was too tired or stressed to have sex. "Maybe tomorrow," he'd say. And that hardly ever happened. 

He lied to me and used the excuse of "building my business." 

He wasn't. He was chatting online and looking at porn.

"The business" never made more than a few thousand dollars.

So looking back, the new moves were a huge red flag and... I trusted him utterly and completely. I was never suspicious, nor did I ever question him about... anything.

Ever. 

I can also count on one hand the number of times we had ever argued. We didn't bicker. 

We got along, laughed all the time, talked.... 

So I thought we had a great, committed marriage ~ except for the sex ~ which, again wasn't happening because of "the business" and the stress. 

He was always telling me that "you're a perfect wife." Well, yeah, in retrospect, I think maybe I was "perfect" and we got along so well because I was a perfect... doormat... always willing to go along with whatever he said or wanted. I looked at my husband with admiration. And I adored him.

Anyway, I wish we had explored new sexual moves together. And it was devastating for me to discover that he had been such a liar and so cunning.


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

Sorry to read the update on your thread. How did you find out about the porn and cam sex?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Sorry to hear that. Had hoped you would find your fears were incorrect. 

Good luck


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