# Is it possible to get TOO comfortable with your spouse?



## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Now, don't get me wrong... I think you should feel that you can share anything with your spouse and be completely open with them. However, I think there are SOME things that you just need to keep to yourself.

For example... passing gas. I've said it before and I will say it again. My husband farts... A LOT. Its not that he has some type of problem and cant control it... he just chooses not to. I understand that everyone does it but I think there are times when its inappropriate, even when its in front of your spouse. 

My husband has even done this when we are laying in bed or cuddling on the couch.... and everytime hes does it I just look at him like  " really??? You couldnt have excused yourself and went to the bathroom?". It just kills the mood and makes it feel like theres no romance anymore.

I suppose my husband would be great for someone who had some kind of fart fetish... but Im sorry, farting does not turn me on!

What does everyone think? Is it possible to be too comfortable with your spouse? Or when you get married, should you just expect for your partner's disgusting habits to be part of the deal?

I could understand if we'd been married for like 20 years... by that time, I think anyone would be overly comfortable with their spouse... but my husband and I have only been married for 3 years!!


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Have you let him know that you take this seriously? Did he do this before you were married? I grew up running from the room because my Dad passed gas openly. My Mom would fuss at him, he'd chuckle. My husband does it too. It annoys me, but it's not enough for me to make it an issue, so I just walk out of the room for a few minutes.


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

I don't think it's necessarily a problem or 'too comfortable' by default, but if you're clearly offended by it enough to ask him to stop, and he won't, then something's up. 

If you have raised the subject in a non-confrontational way already and he is disregarding your wishes, then he sounds like he doesn't realise how much you really hate it, which is a medium-sized problem, or he doesn't see your opinion as worth anything, which is a big problem.

For the medium-sized problem, a bit more communication might be effective. Before he farts, sit down and talk some more about how much it really bothers you. That could be all it takes.

If he continues to brush it off and lets rip whenever he wants, then it becomes an issue of blatant disrespect. Perhaps if you left the room when he did it, he'd realise it's a big interruption to your time together for you both. So tell him beforehand that if he does it, you'll be leaving, then follow through each time.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

I think that as a husband your goal should be to remain a sex object to your wife for as long as possible. 

Farting in front of her all the time is not sexy. I'm a guy and I don't understand why some men think this is okay and even funny. 

Unless there is a physical problem it is disrespectful and unattractive.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

I think thats good advice. I have mentioned it to him before.... When we first started dating he never did it in front of me, but then after we'd been dating a few months, he started to do it more and more. I tried not to say anything about it because I just figured oh well, its a part of life... but its getting to the point where its getting to be a little much. Its just a total mood killer for me.

Ive mentioned to him before that theres a time and a place for it. If hes sitting on the couch watching tv by himself while Im washing dishes, then fine... but if we're laying down next to each other or cuddling with each other, I find it to be inappropriate. Ive asked him before to try to refrain from doing it when we are having such moments... and he agreed that he would. It might have lasted temporarily, and he probably isnt as bad about it as he used to be, but he still does it.

I dont think its that he just doesnt care about my feelings, I think maybe he really just doesnt understand that it bothers me that much. I guess I'll just have to talk to him about it again and maybe if I start leaving the room when he does it, he will get the picture. Ive never tried that before but it sounds like its worth a shot.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Totally gross and a turn off. I think it shows disrespect and low social skills.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> I could understand if we'd been married for like 20 years... by that time, I think anyone would be overly comfortable with their spouse... but my husband and I have only been married for 3 years!!


I've been married for 19 years, and it's no more acceptable to me now than it was after 3 years. My H farts a lot too. Always has. It bugs me, but I guess I've learned to tune it out most times. The thing is, I know he CAN control it because he doesn't do it when we're with friends or family. And in our 19 years, I've NEVER farted in front of him (maybe once by accident). I consider it part of retaining your attractiveness to your partner. Obviously my H doesn't feel the same. So...if your H is this way now, you might as well get used to it. It's not going to change. It doesn't mean you have to accept it...I still give the  face at my H when he does it. You're not unreasonable to ask that he at least not fart while you're cuddling. Stand your ground.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes!
I think if you get so comfortable that you think your spouse can't get laid by someone else then your marriage is in danger

If you sexual ranking with your spouse is lower then the gas station guy then your marriage is in trouble.

Your old man hasn't a clue about his sexual ranking when it comes to farting ...cuz even though the guy at the gym or the stud at work makes you wet....they all fart!

Your old man doesn't realize how low his sexual rank is compared to the guy that young guy that serves you coffee every morning with just a smile and a flirtatious remark!
Girl if your old man knew what I know now he would be very concerned with his sexual ranking as it compares with the pool guy!

Tell your old man there are plenty of guys that can hold it in and if thats a problem then he needs to find a women that appreciates a good fart cuz its time for you to move one ....cuz the guy that picks up the trash looks really really good between your legs!

My point is your old man lowers his attraction level each and every time he lets one go.....I bet the trash guy ...if had a chance would hold it in.


Even that ex boyfriend from 20 years ago would hold it it.

Lets face it all us guys will hold it in until we got what we wanted, then we all would be farting away.

The point is your man doesn;t have a clue when it comes to his attraction rank with his old lady....and that sucks!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Coming from an *old fart* who has been married for a very long time!


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Waking up to life said:


> I've been married for 19 years, and it's no more acceptable to me now than it was after 3 years. My H farts a lot too. Always has. It bugs me, but I guess I've learned to tune it out most times. The thing is, I know he CAN control it because he doesn't do it when we're with friends or family. And in our 19 years, I've NEVER farted in front of him (maybe once by accident). I consider it part of retaining your attractiveness to your partner. Obviously my H doesn't feel the same. So...if your H is this way now, you might as well get used to it. It's not going to change. It doesn't mean you have to accept it...I still give the  face at my H when he does it. You're not unreasonable to ask that he at least not fart while you're cuddling. Stand your ground.


Well, I still don't think I'd be thrilled about it even 20 years from now... I'm just saying I'd be able to understand it more... but when you've only been married for 3 years (It wont even be 3 years until next month) you're still in the honeymoon stage, really. You're supposed to still be lovey dovey/romantic and you should still think of each other as being "hot".

It doesnt make me think he's hot when he does this.... Any type of feelings of me thinking hes hot, goes straight out the window when he lets one rip. 

Im the same as you... I've only did it in front of him maybe one or two times by accident. Sometimes accidents like that are going to happen... its just life. But for the most part, I think people should be able to hold it in when they are around other people just out of politeness, or at least excuse themselves and go to the bathroom. If he'd just say "Be right back. Going to the bathroom", I'd be fine with that... I wouldnt have to KNOW what he was doing in the bathroom. 

I will admit when my husband first started doing it around me, I sometimes would laugh... and he would too. It was kind of funny... but then he just started doing it everywhere. It didnt matter if we were having a nice dinner together, watching a movie together on the couch, cuddling in bed, whatever... he just started doing it everywhere. I guess he thought that since I laughed about it before and didnt have that much of a problem with it in the beginning, that I'd always feel that way.

On a positive note, he has never done it while we were actually being intimate... thank God! I think he knows better than that.... but for some reason he finds it acceptable to do it when we are cuddling afterward. issed: I just dont get it. 

I personally want for my husband to always find me hot/attractive... and I feel that if I just started farting all over the place in front of him, he'd find me less attractive.... maybe he just feels secure in the fact that hes already won me over, so to speak, and that he doesn't have to try to be attractive anymore. Who knows.

I mean I love my husband and I do still find him attractive... its just that I find him less attractive when he does this... but I would never leave him over something as silly as farting... I just hope we can work on the issue.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Try this...

Breaking the Barrier - YouTube

C


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Cuddling is definitely NOT the time to pass gas and is a mood breaker. I'd have a serious conversation with him. If he continues, I'd walk out of the room, and continue to walk out of the room until he gets the message. When you were dating would have been the time to address this problem. Because you didn't say anything back then, he feels it's ok. I think if you start to show him you mean business, he'll change this habit.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Sussieq said:


> Cuddling is definitely NOT the time to pass gas and is a mood breaker. I'd have a serious conversation with him. If he continues, I'd walk out of the room, and continue to walk out of the room until he gets the message. When you were dating would have been the time to address this problem. Because you didn't say anything back then, he feels it's ok. I think if you start to show him you mean business, he'll change this habit.


I agree... I wish I would have said something about it before... but when he first started doing it, it just didn't bother me as much for some reason.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

When you were dating, did he fart while you were cuddling or making out? I bet he was still containing himself at least a little back then, which is why it didn't bother you as much.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Waking up to life said:


> When you were dating, did he fart while you were cuddling or making out? I bet he was still containing himself at least a little back then, which is why it didn't bother you as much.


When we were dating, I dont remember him ever doing it while we were cuddling or having any type of intimate moment together.... If he ever did, it was an accident.. but it seems that over the years, hes just gotten less and less picky about when and where he does it.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

PBear said:


> Try this...
> 
> Breaking the Barrier - YouTube
> 
> C


Too funny.

I actually threatened to do this before. I said to him once "Im just going to start farting in front of you all the time and see how YOU like it. Im going to do it while we're watching tv, while we're eating dinner, while we're in the car, Im just going to start not holding back." He seemed to act like he wouldnt be bothered by it but I bet he would.

I should just go shopping, buy a bunch of skimpy clothes and try them on for him... Ill come walking out in a mini skirt and heels, and as I'm walking off, lift my leg up and let one rip.

His face would go from >>> :smthumbup: to >>>  in two seconds.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

I think there are certain things that even married spouses should do or refrain from...and behave as politely as they would in front of other people. What would happen if you suddenly started picking your nose in front of your H? Maybe you could ask him how easily he could just ignore it and accept it as you being nice and comfortable around him.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I think one question that hasn't been posed is this: Does your husband eat lots of beans, cabbage, garlic, and/or onions? I'm not joking.

I mean, c'mon, EVERYBODY farts. But it sounds like his "gas issue" is a bit excessive. I mean, is he straining a bit to blow one out, or is he possibly eating too many gas-producing foods?


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> I think one question that hasn't been posed is this: Does your husband eat lots of beans, cabbage, garlic, and/or onions? I'm not joking.
> 
> I mean, c'mon, EVERYBODY farts. But it sounds like his "gas issue" is a bit excessive. I mean, is he straining a bit to blow one out, or is he possibly eating too many gas-producing foods?


Trust me, it doesnt look like he has to strain to blow anything out lol. It looks like everything blows out just fine, almost without any effort at all. 

So yea, it could be the type of foods that he eats... because at times he is gassier than others. He doesnt eat a lot of cabbage or beans... but he does love foods that have garlic in them, and he especially loves onions... his favorite thing of all time is Italian food... and almost any type of Italian dish is loaded down with garlic and onions. Lasagna, spaghetti, whatever... he will eat any Italian food.

So I guess part of the solution could be solved if he would watch his diet... and if he refuses to do that, then maybe taking something like gas-x or beano would help prevent it. 

But still.... there are times when even I feel a little gassier than usual, due to certain foods that I have eaten, but I still manage to hold it in until its the appropriate time to let it go.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

I want to get as much of my wifes sex as possible so I do what I think will influence that and refraon from that that detracts from it. 

That includes refraining from farting, being considerate, manners and being "sexy" to her by taking care of myself. 

I avoid that which is an obvious turn off and that which ois obviously rude


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

kittykatz said:


> I suppose my husband would be great for someone who had some kind of fart fetish...


:rofl:

I'm not demeaning this issue by finding the above comment funny because you're right - it's more than annoying. My H is guilty of this too! especially given the first 6 months into our relationship he told me he never really had wind - (what a joke!!!). :lol:

Look him in the eye and tell him it TURNS YOU OFF HIM when he does it - tell him he becomes far less attractive to you - turn in back on him, especially if you're cuddling, that would p*** me off no end. Keep repeating this and walking away so he learns there are consequences to his persistent farting. Otherwise it's plain and simple disrespect.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

"Anti-flatulence sisterhood" - oh Big Dude you are funny! 

That deserves a T-shirt surely. :rofl:


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Big Dude

I have to ask - are you overly familiar with grandma flannel nightshirts?

I'd only recommend 100% cotton (flatulence free of course )


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

BD, you should have your own show :rofl:

ewww....now you've done it! Dutch oven? Gross!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> When we were dating, I dont remember him ever doing it while we were cuddling or having any type of intimate moment together.... If he ever did, it was an accident.. but it seems that over the years, hes just gotten less and less picky about when and where he does it.


I kind of thought this thread went off track. It is or can be, as others have implied:

1. comical at certain times
2. disgusting
3. disrespectful
4. etc.


I was thinking about this. I remember being careful when and where I farted around my wife when we were dating and into the marriage to some point which eludes me. There was a point that it went beyond the occasional, "oops". There probably was a steady progressive change which is almost imperceptible at the present. Partly due to his lack of respect and the resentment it has created in you. I think if you find that point, you will find out what made him lose respect for you enough that he feels it's okay to do this. I have a suspicion he doesn't realize it could lead you to a separation and divorce. It seems as though he feels like he has nothing to be concerned about. I don't think farting all over the place will help, even though it is funny. "Tit for Tat" rarely if ever works. Why doesn't he respect you? What is his issue that he will not talk about? Has it been so long that he has forgotten and has formed a really bad habit? Doesn't he care that it affects how much you respect him? There's much more to this than just eating the wrong foods.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I kind of thought this thread went off track. It is or can be, as others have implied:
> 
> 1. comical at certain times
> 2. disgusting
> ...


Well like I said, I've talked to him about it before and he seemed to be doing better for a while... But I think that maybe after a while, he forgot about it... He knows I don't like it but I think the problem is he just doesn't understand the extent to which it bothers me. To make sure that he gets the picture, I brought it up to him again last night.

We didn't have a big long discussion about it or anything... I just mentioned to him that I really don't like it when he does it in front of me, and I asked him to try to refrain from it while in my presence, he said "ok". 

Today was our day off from work... Typically, on our day off, we have what we call a "date night". Today we went on a motorcycle ride, then we grabbed some food, then we went out to the movies together. I don't remember him farting once the whole time during any of this.... so I was actually pretty pleased with how our day went today.

I don't think something like this could end in divorce... I mean what would I say when someone asked why I left him?... "Well, I just couldnt take his farting anymore!". Seems a little silly to me. Dont get me wrong, its something that bothers me, but not something that bothers me to the point of wanting a divorce. There are only two things that would be serious enough for me to divorce him... One would be if he started to become abusive (which he never has and I doubt ever will be) and another would be if he cheated on me... which is another thing hes never done and I dont see it happening in the future.

I think its more about him just not understanding how much it bothers me than him just completely disregarding my feelings and not caring about what I want.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wait. So the dutch oven is a turn off????


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Wait. So the dutch oven is a turn off????


That would be about as much of a turn on as my husband taking a dump on my chest. Does that answer your question?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> Does that answer your question?


No.

Actually I've heard that is a fetish for some. Doesn't do anything for me though.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Getting back to the subject line of the thread.

"Is it possible to get TOO comfortable with your spouse?"

I do not feel that being too comfortable is a problem unless it is accompanied by taking them for granted.


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## bailingout (Jan 25, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> Getting back to the subject line of the thread.
> 
> "Is it possible to get TOO comfortable with your spouse?"
> 
> I do not feel that being too comfortable is a problem unless it is accompanied by taking them for granted.


:iagree: or if being too comfortable means freely expressing natural body functions that your spouse does not appreciate or agree with. Not good.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I wouldn't look at that as being "too comfortable" more like being disrespectful because he knows it really bothers you.If you have told him its offensive to you and you asked him to stop and he keeps doing it then again its not about him being comfortable its about him making YOU uncomfortable on purpose and I would take it as him saying he doesn't care if it bothers you .

That particular thing may not bother some people but it does bother others .An accident can happen but then you say oops! excuse me.Oh you said maybe if you had been married like 20 years then by then it wouldn't be a big deal?Well I have been married going on 25 years and my husband and I never intentionally pass gas in front of each other.We have a son that does that and my husband,myself,and our youngest son let him know loud and clear its not appreciated and we consider it something like an invasion of our personal space.Especially if he does it in the car.I think its "normal" maybe even biological for us to want to flee away from rancid odors.I'm sure there are some out there but I haven't met any people that would burn a fart scented candle in their house or use "**** " scented air freshner in their car.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> Trust me, it doesnt look like he has to strain to blow anything out lol. It looks like everything blows out just fine, almost without any effort at all.
> 
> So yea, it could be the type of foods that he eats... because at times he is gassier than others. He doesnt eat a lot of cabbage or beans... but he does love foods that have garlic in them, and he especially loves onions... his favorite thing of all time is Italian food... and almost any type of Italian dish is loaded down with garlic and onions. Lasagna, spaghetti, whatever... he will eat any Italian food.
> 
> ...


Have him start taking probiotics.I started giving them to my son the one with an issue and it has helped tremendously.Those you take everyday just like a vitamin they help keep your intestines balanced.That way you aren't having to remember to take something like gas x before you eat certain foods.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

kittykatz said:


> When we were dating, I dont remember him ever doing it while we were cuddling or having any type of intimate moment together.... If he ever did, it was an accident.. but it seems that over the years, hes just gotten less and less picky about when and where he does it.


Yes as he became more comfortable with you, he feels it's ok. This has been a topic of discussion with my friends for years. We don't know why guys behave this way, but they do. When you show him you are serious, especially when it stops intimacy in it's tracks, he will learn to hold it in.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Holland said:


> Totally gross and a turn off. I think it shows disrespect and low social skills.


It's not that serious.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I think the issue is we should never get to the point that being comfortable means continuing to do things that we know good and well offend our spouse.I mean really its like "Im so comfortable around my spouse that I feel O.K routinely doing something that really bothers them that I have total control over to stop doing".

My husband is grossed out hearing someone blow their nose while he is eating.It would be like if I intentionally and on a regular basis blew my nose while he ate knowing it was disturbing his peace and I just said "well I feel comfortable enough around you to do that".

Its more than about the specific act .It wouldn't be about my being "that comfortable' around him " any longer if I kept doing it.And I wouldn't think he was being "silly" if he eventually got really upset about it.Really because in a nutshell I would be sending him the message not only I dont care about HIS comfort ..but that I must be doing it for the purpose OF bothering him.Because I don't have any other real reason to insist on doing it at that point.Im in a sense "picking a fight"..And I dont buy the whole "I just forgot" if its something that you have repeatedly stated upsets you .And especially if its ever caused an argument.Or you have had a "serious" talk about.


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