# It has been settled. We are divorcing. What do I do next?



## Chilled (Jun 4, 2011)

This is incredibly difficult. I'm to the point where I don't even know what to do with all the stuff. And what do I expect with money? Do I get alimony? Am I a ***** for getting it? I really love him so I have no intention of hurting him, but also don't want to be left with nothing. Also, how do you decide what to keep and what to toss? Sentimental items (albums, scrapbooks, wedding videos) keep them or toss them? I'm just overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Any advice for someone going through an amicable divorce? 
If you want more detail I can provide it, I just didn't want to bore people by explaining things explicitly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

first, get a lawyer and find out what your legal rights are.

Then you start deciding what is important to you... basically any community property (assets and debts accrued during the duration of the marriage) will be split up evenly.

Until you both come up with a working agreement on paper it is hard to call it an amicable divorce, it may be amicable for now but depending how far different what you both want is, it may not stay amicable - if you get to the point of contesting things it will go to court and legal fees will start taking their chunk of whatever joint equity you two have saved up.

As for alimony/spousal-support, how long have you been together? Are there any reasons why you need to depend on his money to live off of? What sacrifices have you made that resulted in the loss of having an earning potential and how long will it take to restore your earning potential to what it could have been?

Do you have children together? Who is getting custody? If both parents want to share custody the courts will do that, their primary concern will be the well being of the children.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

I am sorry you are going through this, and know how you feel being in the midst of it myself. Lon's advice is an excellent starting point. Also, to avoid getting overwhelmed, think of just putting one foot in front of the other, and doing the next right thing a day at a time. Take it in managebale chunks (i.e. today I will buy storage boxes, today I will go through this or that closet, etc). I love hiking, so it helps me to think of how I reached the top of a mountain that seemed impossible looking at the summit from down below -- one step at a time, taking breaks along the way as needed and feeling fantastic once I reached to top. Above all be very good to yourself and very gentle with yourself, and know that you are not alone!

Hugs, - A12


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