# Help!?!?



## Brooke12 (Nov 5, 2015)

Okay I am at a loss as to what to do about my marriage......I need help.....here goes nothing. My husband and I started dating at 16 and 17, I got pregnant at 17 years old with our son preston. Over the next six years or so we were off and on, seeing people in between etc etc...all the young people stuff. I did cheat on him when we were young and going back and forth trying to figure out what we wanted and having a child so young. We finally decided we wanted to move away from the small town we lived in and be together. So about six years ago we moved away within a year we were married. Things were great for a good couple years, no cheating. We were happy. We have always been drinkers and sometimes would over do it. One night my husbands good friend made a pass at me and I blew him off. Well he did it again another time and this time I went with it. Since that time there have been numerous times that I have messed around with that same guy. Then about a year ago I slept with one of his best friends. I came clean four months ago about it all. He wants to keep his family together and does not want a divorce. I am considering leaving him because I can't bare the thought or feelings of what I have done to him. There is a lot more "stuff" than this. We both have a lot of resentment towards each other for many different reasons. But this is where I am at now. I am seeking counseling and trying to get into a support group. He will not go to counseling or do anything to fix this. He feels like forget it and move on! Well I can't do that! I feel we have a lot more to address here! Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Maybe he knew and was fvcking around on you.. 

Maybe he believe its cheaper to keep her.. 

Maybe he can suppress his emotions.. 

You haven't said anything bad about him.. You sad you cheated when you were going back and forth trying to figure it out.. But you didn't say if he was.. 

Look its hard.. You're pretty young still and with all the sh!t your doing I find it a bit difficult to ask you if you can see yourself with him for the rest of your life.. I just don't think you are mature enough to answer that or know that answer.. 

I mean really if you can just fuvk some guy that gives you the time of day like that I just don't see how you can answer any real big adult type questions..

Go to counseling learn to be a better person, not for him but for you.. There will be a day when your child will understand and trust me when that time comes there is nothing worse than being called out by your own child. My Ex wife hasn't spoken to my son for 3 years because he did.. 

Maybe after some time of counseling you will learn why you do the things you do and maybe one day he will come along and learn some stuff as well. Maybe even if it is just how to deal with you for starters and then eventually learn something about himself..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Brooke12 said:


> Okay I am at a loss as to what to do about my marriage......I need help.....here goes nothing. My husband and I started dating at 16 and 17, I got pregnant at 17 years old with our son preston. Over the next six years or so we were off and on, seeing people in between etc etc...all the young people stuff. I did cheat on him when we were young and going back and forth trying to figure out what we wanted and having a child so young. We finally decided we wanted to move away from the small town we lived in and be together. So about six years ago we moved away within a year we were married. Things were great for a good couple years, no cheating. We were happy. We have always been drinkers and sometimes would over do it. One night my husbands good friend made a pass at me and I blew him off. Well he did it again another time and this time I went with it. Since that time there have been numerous times that I have messed around with that same guy. Then about a year ago I slept with one of his best friends. I came clean four months ago about it all. He wants to keep his family together and does not want a divorce. I am considering leaving him because I can't bare the thought or feelings of what I have done to him. There is a lot more "stuff" than this. We both have a lot of resentment towards each other for many different reasons. But this is where I am at now. I am seeking counseling and trying to get into a support group. He will not go to counseling or do anything to fix this. He feels like forget it and move on! Well I can't do that! I feel we have a lot more to address here! Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated


Ugh.

Just divorce already.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the both of you? 

Your husband wants to just sweep your cheating under the rug. It's not going to work very well. 

So what are the things that you think the two of you need to address?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Brooke12 said:


> I am considering leaving him because I can't bare the thought or feelings of what I have done to him. There is a lot more "stuff" than this.


Start at ground zero and tell him

Take it from there

OR

Easy option and D and don't say a word


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## Brooke12 (Nov 5, 2015)

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. He tells me he has never cheated and I do believe him. However he has broken up with me before when we were living together, had a child. And that night went and slept with someone. As far as I am concerned that is somewhat cheating. And yes we are young. I am 30 and he is 31. And maybe I am immature and don't know what I want. And I do feel like deep down I know we don't have a future.....and therein lies the problem, we have a child and I feel like I should give it all I have got. I am seeking help and a lot of it. I do agree that I need to fix me. Our relationship, normal day to day is great, we get a long great and are really happy together. I just don't feel that we have the tools to get through this. Especially when he just wants to go on pretending like it never happened. The things that we need to address are things like I want another child and he doesn't, I want to move back home and he doesnt, he can be a very selfish with our son and with me (I do see that I am to) we just have a long history of crap! I am feeling like I should just cut to the chase and say good bye. However it's just not that easy. Especially with a child involved.....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Brooke12 said:


> Thanks everyone for your thoughts. He tells me he has never cheated and I do believe him. However he has broken up with me before when we were living together, had a child. And that night went and slept with someone. As far as I am concerned that is somewhat cheating. And yes we are young. I am 30 and he is 31. And maybe I am immature and don't know what I want. And I do feel like deep down I know we don't have a future.....and therein lies the problem, we have a child and I feel like I should give it all I have got. I am seeking help and a lot of it. I do agree that I need to fix me. Our relationship, normal day to day is great, we get a long great and are really happy together. I just don't feel that we have the tools to get through this. Especially when he just wants to go on pretending like it never happened. The things that we need to address are things like I want another child and he doesn't, I want to move back home and he doesnt, he can be a very selfish with our son and with me (I do see that I am to) we just have a long history of crap! I am feeling like I should just cut to the chase and say good bye. However it's just not that easy. Especially with a child involved.....


Step #1 - Stop cheating. And yes, that goes for the both of you.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP you are 30 not 16. 30 is still young, from my perspective but also old enough to be a responsible adult.

Rug sweeping will not work, you'll need to actually address your problems in order to fix them.

Stop drinking and cheating. That part is easy to identify.

Tell your husband everything.

Get checked for stds, you have no right to gamble with his health.

Let him know that his friends are anything but.

Is there any doubt as to the paternity of the child? Even if there is not in your mind, there may be in his.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Brooke12 said:


> I am seeking counseling and trying to get into a support group. He will not go to counseling or do anything to fix this. He feels like forget it and move on! Well I can't do that! I feel we have a lot more to address here! Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated


Firstly, I think its a really positive sign that you're here and posting your story. Your opening post comes across as breathless. I sense it was pretty hard to write, so, well done. It's also very encouraging that you're already in counselling.

As for your husband, leave that for now. True the affairs and the resentment need addressing, but you can't control him, so don't bother. Instead, be positive. Perhaps when he sees how beneficial counselling has been for you, he'll have a change of heart.

Good luck.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

At your age you should know what is wrong.

You cheated on your husband and your kid over and over again.

If you really want to make a good life for your kid and yourself stop cheating and stop drinking.
Apologize to your husband and go to some counseling.

One thing that bothers me is that you want to end this marriage.
Do you love your husband or do you love some risky drunk sex with other people ?

For me it is a lot better when you have someone to talk about your problems,someone to cry and laugh and definitely someone to watch my kid grow up.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Your husband is hiding his head in the sand and not helping with your very dysfunctional relationship.

However, you can do nothing to change your husband but you can change you. No good strong man wants a woman that is a drinker and a two time cheater. You have a lot to change so you had better get real busy and get all the help that you can. You can get a lot better but bringing another child into this marriage is not going to fix anything, maybe make things worse!

*Get all the help that you can and be very determined to absolutely change and do not cop-out and you will get better. If you cop-out you will get worse! You owe it to your innocent child to get better!*


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## Brooke12 (Nov 5, 2015)

It bothers me to that I am the one having thoughts of divorce. I know he deserves better than this. And that is why I feel like I should just walk away. And yes I did quit drinking and have not cheated again since I told him about it all. I told him that I am sorry over and over again. I do have my doubts that he has been faithful to me, although he denies it always. I feel like our relationship is beyond dysfunctional and probably beyond repair. And that's why I feel I should say good bye. Pretty messed up that I have taken him for granted and have taken his forgiveness over the years as an open door to make these terrible decisions. I do love him very much. And am beyond sick with myself. Wish I could take it all back. And I guess time will tell what happens with us. I am sure there is a good chance he will leave me eventually. But maybe not because he is just that much of a great man. And we absolutely know that he is the father of our son, we were very young when we had him and my husbands mother paid for a paternity test. Then he was sleeping around just as much as I was.


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