# Husband cheated with his friend



## TexasGurl (Jul 25, 2012)

I am having a hard time trying to cope with the fact my husband of 6 yrs cheated with a friend of his. Apparently, they liked each other as teenagers and he wanted to date her then, but she said no. Granted, that was many years ago, but the flame still had a spark I guess. 

My husband and I have known each other since we were young teenagers. We were both married before and looking for that special person to feel complete. We had problems with his son that was taking a toll on me and going thru a rough patch of not communication well, and instead of talking to me, he turned to her. I didn't even know they were that good of friends. He was best friends with her brother growing up, but I never knew he talked to her periodically before I found out everything. It was actually a fluke that I found out anything at all. I suspected he was 'talking' to someone else due to the amount of time he spend on his phone and shutting me out, but when I would make remarks about it, he would just say 'yea right' or 'I don't think so'. Anyway, how I found out was thru the cell phone bill. We have it set up to not receive paper bills, and when I'd get the email the bill was ready to view online, I never did, of course. So one month, we received a paper bill for some reason. I decided to look thru it for the kids activity, and found pages of calls on his number. I decided to look thru it and found 2 numbers that were always appearing during the day and some at odd times. I counted the calls and there were 624 in one month to a certain number. Since he always had his phone with him, I couldn't look thru it to check the number. One day, an old friend of his stopped by and he went outside to talk to him. Bingo!! He left his phone on the bed. I ran to it and started typing the number. It pulled her name up and my stomach dropped because I knew they weren't just talking about the weather. I did some digging and pulled up the cell phone bills for the past year. Come to find out, they had been talking for 6 mos! They talked when he was on his way to work, and home, and when I was in the shower before bed!! I got up the nerve and confronted him. He denied anything was going on and got extremely defensive, especially after I threw the phone bills on the bed and told him what I found. He said they only talked about our problems cause he needed someone to talk to and didn't feel like he could talk to me....his wife! He denied any sex had occurred. He said they corresponded via facebook messages, texts and calls. 

The next day, I looked at his facebook and all conversations had been deleted. So I went to his email and found he had deleted his 'sent' folder, but not his 'old mail'. What I read was sickening. I only got to read her part of the conversation, and it was about what they were doing that day, how their day was, AND about the kind of sexual things they liked. I confronted him with that info and he still said they never had sex or made plans to meet. I didn't believe him, but wanted my marriage to work. So I made some stipulations he was to follow or our marriage was over: no contact ever of any kind, she was to be blocked from our facebook pages and blocked from our phones, and I was to have access to his facebook at all times and I was to have full disclosuer of events leading up to him getting caught.

The next day I sent the woman a text and asked her to call me. No response. I sent her another text a few hours later. No response. So I called her and it went straight to vm. She then sent me a facebook msg saying "Anything that needs to be said nees to be done thru facebook because she wasn't going to get in a fight with me or be yelled at". REALLY!! So we sent a couple messaged....er....paragraphs and she refused to acknowledge anything and accused me of acting like a 'child' because I wouldn't take her word for anything. Hmmm.....clue #1, guilty concience. After all that, I figured he had talked toi her since she knew exactly why I wanted to talk to her. I looked at his deleted email after that, and she had forwarded him our conversation with the caption "she's pissing me off'. Oh well. When my husband got home, I asked him if he talked to her, and he said no. I asked him if he knew we had talked via FB, he said no. LIES!! I told him I looked at his email and saw she forwarded our convo to him. He said he didn't read them.....I didn't believe him. 

The next day, my husband had an anxiety attack and was sent to the hopsital. Tensions between us were still high, but he called me anyway and I went to the hospital. Afterward, we seemed to get along better and were trying to mend the fences, when I received an annonymous call from a girl from an unavailable number one morning about 4 mos later. She knew details and such no one could know except the parties involved. Like they did have sex, and they were still in contact, and other stuff. She gave me an IM that this girl said was created so I wouldn't be suspicious. I looked up the IM and there it was. So I searched who it belonged to and there it was....in her name, auto-added a few mos earlier. I confronted him and he denied it! I was pissed off. I still wanted my marriage to work, but all trust was completely gone. I told him I needed to know everything because I believed he did have sex with her and was still in contact. He denied everything and wouldn't talk about it. Later that night, we stayed up late talking and he admitted spending New Years at her house....with his kids....while I was at my dad's out of state. He also admitted she had been in my house! And he called her on his work phone when he had went to the hospital so I wouldn't see the call! I pulled up the phone bill from when he was in the hospital and found out he text her when he got home!! He said he didn't remember doing that. I wanted to punch him in the face.....and almost did. Instead, I left the room to calm down.

The next day, he wrote me a long letter telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me and wanted to work this out. He told me about places he took her to lunch and other BS, but when he came home I told him we were going to talk and everything needed to be brought to light. Nothing was ever talked about. To this day, he was and still is hesitant about doing this. It's been over a year since I found out, but it still hurts the same as the day it was revealed. I've tried to forgive him. I've tried to forget. But I know deep down inside he has lied to me constantly and probably still is and it is eating away at me. I'm pushing past the hurt and am moving on to PISSED. He knows somethings wrong, and I'm sure he knows what it is but says nothing. We don't talk much, have sex very often, or really even communicate outside of what's going on at work or the kids. I don't know if I can ever forgive him. I know I can't move forward without having full disclosure of all events. I don't even know if I want a divorce or not. I think it may be fear, but still. Does that sound crazy or is it just me?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Does she have a husband you can expose it too?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

IMO You need to kick him out. He is still communicating. He broke NC several times and you didn't escalate your reactions at all. I think it is time to serve him with D papers and do the 180. You need to face the fact that your H has every intention of trying to make this work with the OW. 
He is in the fog and at this point you need to decide what you really want. 
Do you want a marriage with a man who has and still is for you know carrying on an affair?

Do you want to leave him and find someone who will be loyal to you?

We can't answer those questions. At this point, unless he stops contacting the OW and shows true remorse, your marriage is just a fall back plan in case this OW leaves him in the dust.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TexasGurl said:


> I am having a hard time trying to cope with the fact my husband of 6 yrs cheated with a friend of his. Apparently, they liked each other as teenagers and he wanted to date her then, but she said no. Granted, that was many years ago, but the flame still had a spark I guess.
> 
> My husband and I have known each other since we were young teenagers. We were both married before and looking for that special person to feel complete. We had problems with his son that was taking a toll on me and going thru a rough patch of not communication well, and instead of talking to me, he turned to her. I didn't even know they were that good of friends. He was best friends with her brother growing up, but I never knew he talked to her periodically before I found out everything. It was actually a fluke that I found out anything at all. I suspected he was 'talking' to someone else due to the amount of time he spend on his phone and shutting me out, but when I would make remarks about it, he would just say 'yea right' or 'I don't think so'. Anyway, how I found out was thru the cell phone bill. We have it set up to not receive paper bills, and when I'd get the email the bill was ready to view online, I never did, of course. So one month, we received a paper bill for some reason. I decided to look thru it for the kids activity, and found pages of calls on his number. I decided to look thru it and found 2 numbers that were always appearing during the day and some at odd times. I counted the calls and there were 624 in one month to a certain number. Since he always had his phone with him, I couldn't look thru it to check the number. One day, an old friend of his stopped by and he went outside to talk to him. Bingo!! He left his phone on the bed. I ran to it and started typing the number. It pulled her name up and my stomach dropped because I knew they weren't just talking about the weather. I did some digging and pulled up the cell phone bills for the past year. Come to find out, they had been talking for 6 mos! They talked when he was on his way to work, and home, and when I was in the shower before bed!! I got up the nerve and confronted him. He denied anything was going on and got extremely defensive, especially after I threw the phone bills on the bed and told him what I found. He said they only talked about our problems cause he needed someone to talk to and didn't feel like he could talk to me....his wife! He denied any sex had occurred. He said they corresponded via facebook messages, texts and calls.
> 
> ...


You are a betrayed and emotionally abused spouse. You are not the crazy one.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Either he starts telling you what you need to know, or his ass is on the curb. 

He hasn't done a damned thing he needs to to help you heal.


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## TexasGurl (Jul 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Does she have a husband you can expose it too?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish. She's been divorced for a few years and she doesn't have a boyfriend either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Divorce him he showed he is not genuine 

Please dont stay with him i see far to many women (mostly women) come and want divorce and say "hubby cheated once before! he said he would stop!!!" 

such a shame that ___ amount of years might pass until they find out their spouse never gave up cheating. ____ amount of years pass and than they find out they are still cheating and it breaks their heart is to much to bear and they go back to be destroyed only this time they cant deal with it they finally decide to divorce.

Why risk it happening again? when you have already been shown that he will give into temptation and justify cheating and throw it all away!


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

Im sorry this is happening to you, reading your post makes me feel like a pos for the the things I've done. I can see the hurt it causes the BS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TexasGurl (Jul 25, 2012)

badbane said:


> IMO You need to kick him out. He is still communicating. He broke NC several times and you didn't escalate your reactions at all. I think it is time to serve him with D papers and do the 180. You need to face the fact that your H has every intention of trying to make this work with the OW.
> He is in the fog and at this point you need to decide what you really want.
> Do you want a marriage with a man who has and still is for you know carrying on an affair?
> 
> ...


At this point I don't know if they still communicate, and not everything that happened was noted. Believe me, my reactions were not nothing. There was a lot of yelling, throwing stuff and he slept on the couch for a bit. There were a lot of behind the scenes stuff not mentioned. But you are right, I need to figure out what is good for me, not him. Sh*t or get off the pot, right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You have kids? Kick him and start divorce. You can think about R once he comes clean. How can you trust this guy for 30-40 years anyway?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Get a voice-activated recorder. Put it in his car underneath his seat with heavy-duty velcro. You will find out if he is still talking to her and, if so, you will hear what they talk about. Also, if he used to talk to her while you were in the shower or not home, put a voice-activated recorder in the room(s) where you think he might be talking to her.

Based on his behavior and your lack of following through to kill the affair, I think there is a chance that he still is in the affair.

Assuming you want to at least keep the option open of saving your marriage, your first step should be to investigate and find out if he still is in the affair.


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## TexasGurl (Jul 25, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Get a voice-activated recorder. Put it in his car underneath his seat with heavy-duty velcro. You will find out if he is still talking to her and, if so, you will hear what they talk about. Also, if he used to talk to her while you were in the shower or not home, put a voice-activated recorder in the room(s) where you think he might be talking to her.
> 
> Based on his behavior and your lack of following through to kill the affair, I think there is a chance that he still is in the affair.
> 
> Assuming you want to at least keep the option open of saving your marriage, your first step should be to investigate and find out if he still is in the affair.


I haven't lacked following thru to kill the affair. Like I said before, there is a lot of background stuff not mentioned. The problem is getting a hold of his phone to install any software. Putting a recorder in his truck is a good idea, but getting into his truck may be tricky without a good reason. Taking too long in it will raise a red flag. He has since changed jobs and no longer has a company phone, which is good. What I need to do is find out if he has other online accts. I've done searches online but found nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Put a keylogger on his computer


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