# Drama is Over! Wife wants out



## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Wife emailed me yesterday saying she wants out. Advised me that we are different people; different heartfelt understandings of what respect, communication, etc etc etc is. She said it was such a tragedy but she can't find it in her soul to "Trust" me again. I have no idea what the trust issue is other than her delusions that I was having affairs (never, ever true as discussed). My wife has truly become a different person who has turned against me as the object of her pain. She started treating me like a criminal after we had some verbal barbs- I told her it is not a good idea for her to be coming by the house every day anymore- I deserve some space. She got furious and said she was getting a lawyer- to forget working it out with each other as we were going to. Was I correct in telling her no more? Very sad and devaststed but at least I know now- not sure she ever was thinking of coming back- just a string a long-


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

WP: So sad...I know. Sometimes things can't be figured out and you spend countless hours trying to figure out "what went wrong or how to fix it?"

I think you were correct in setting those boundaries. She got angry (expected). Give her time to cool down.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Have you asked her upon what she bases her accusations?


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

She wont talk about anything related to our marriage. Just wants move forward dealing with our daughter and taking care of business affairs related to marriage. Its the same story as before but now she just wants out. So sad and devastated -feeling flush with stress and like life is over. I know its not but feeling that way. I feel as if I was strung along and she really had no intention of coming back. She basically said we have completely different values and can't get along. I just feel a third party somewhere in the shadows-


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Something in me tells me that she's going to waffle on this...

But I suspect that letting her go is the best thing for you. She's gone round the bend and that's about all you can say about it. It isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. She's lost her marbles and she's irrational.

Does she have a brain tumor or something? Honestly. What the heck is wrong with her?

You'll be OK in the end. Someone's going to scoop you up and love the heck out of you.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

> So sad and devastated -feeling flush with stress and like life is over. I know its not but feeling that way. I feel as if I was strung along and she really had no intention of coming back. She basically said we have completely different values and can't get along. I just feel a third party somewhere in the shadows-


I understand the pain and sadness. I have felt it. I can also promise you that the more you work towards a mindset of 'me' instead of 'us', it will diminish.

There are thousands of examples on this forum of where you can see the progressive outline of a marriage in trouble. For those that work at reconciling, there is a distinct point where the partner that wants out, does an about-face. For those that believe that their marriage is broken and unfulfulling, or they have someone else waiting for them, there is no about-face. Or worse, they try to give the impression of change - but continue their behavior. 

The shrieking about a lawyer is typical. The best, last, thing you can do to try to change this trajectory? 
See a lawyer. Explain the circumstances, discuss options.
The more you stand up for yourself (as she believes she is doing) the closer you move this entire event towards an end that _you_ have some control over, whether it is a reconciliatin or a dissolution.

Oh, and don't kid yourself. The drama is nowhere near over.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

If you think OM is in the shadows...go with your gut. It's very likely. 

This could help with explaining why she wants out and so quick!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

I'd say definitey OM -
if you have had the time to reflect on your marriage and her accusations are indeed irrational and unfounded - then I think it is fair to assume two possibilities
1. she is delusional - and will have on-going mental health issues
2. other man -

I don't think this happens fo rany other reasons - life is weird but not that weird.. 

I am so sorry for you as well - we have heard the panic and worry and frustration in your posts -

but deejo is correct someone will scoop you up and love the hell out of you! 

what a beautiful saying ! 

keep on posting we are here for you.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

They do say that people who cheat tend to project that onto their spouse... but her other behaviors are just so weird I have to go with #1. I honestly don't know which is the more favorable choice. They both suck.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I agree the results are the same...either one.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

wp,
I am so sorry to read this! I do however agree with the others, and again our situations are in some ways similar. Something is just too off key with her.whether it be om or mental illness, she needs help. she doesnt seem grounded. My h was like this when it all started...wanting out, angry, put all of the blame on me...the list goes on. I know it sucks and is soooo hard to do, care for you and your daughter. I think you are right in asking her to not come by everyday...she needs to miss what she is walking away from.
In my case we were able to find out that there truly is something wrong with h. doesnt make it any easier,or justify not being here every night, but i am atleast able to try to listen and understand what he is going through. still putting me and our girls as no 1, working on my issues also.
i wish you were able to know her real problem, is it something with her or your marriage? even though she may not know it and there were another man, it may be the time she needs you the most. in what ways im not sure. keep your head up, I know how badly it hurts...you are in my prayers!


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Thanks everyone- for the time and effort into your posts. I am going to sit back and allow things to unfold now. She is angry she can't come into the house- seems she does not get how this works now. She told our daughter to pet our dog for her.
So sad- it is like someone pushed the nuclear button~! I know it will get better. I will update evryone as soon as something happens. I am numb and just taking it in now-
Many thanks!
WP


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You could make a comment about her boyfriend and see if it gets a response...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

WP: Smart move to sit back. 

Without your reaction she will eventually calm down.


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Well, she is upset at not being able to come into the house now without me there. She is lashing out a bit at our daughter- and has taken her wedding ring off for the first time. No news whether she contacted a lawyer. She was stone cold and also angry/upset at me when she picked-up our daughter on Sunday.
Spent last evenings with mutual friends- wife talked to my wife a few weeks ago- my wife is still convinced I was having an affair. This is just delusional!!!! My friend told her there is no way I was- and my wife said I think you are right. This friend is going to call my wife today and have a come to jesus talk with her- the husband and wife both think she is mentally ill now; and while we all question whether there is someone else, they just think she has a paranoid disorder! I just don't think it is going to do any good- I think my wife is just gone now- but not so gone where she is still concerned where I am going and with whom that she still thinks whenever I am out I am out with another woman- just crazy talk! The erality is setting in and I just cant believe it- how did I get here from the loving caring wife who would all but idolize me not too long ago!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

I hear ya wp, and feel for you. my h is acting similar. with him it is back and forth...to the extreme with his emotions and feelings!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

But maybe they can help her arrive at the conclusion that she needs to have a checkup and see if something is wrong... Everyone should be beating that same drum. She needs to have a full physical and then if that doesn't turn up something, she needs to see a psychiatrist.

Doesn't she owe it to herself and your marriage? 

If she really left because she thinks you are cheating and that you were trying to off her, and nobody else sees what she sees, maybe she can be convinced and maybe this thing isn't going to go the full route to divorce. Maybe she can be saved. Not just the marriage, but her.

Because if she's having some sort of break down, it may very well get worse since it came on so suddenly.


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## feelingblue (Sep 30, 2009)

I know how you feel. My W went from being a loving, caring, warm-hearted wife and mother to being a cold and heatless b***h in just a couple of weeks. In my case there is an OM. I wish you the best.


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