# What's up with wifey?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

After working my ass off all morning and all night, I had thought my wife would show a bit of support and allow me to let go of all my worries at work...

Instead she snapped at me. I've already arranged for us and our daughter to spend more time together as a family next week but after having to deal with her attitude tonight I'm thinking of cancelling - or at least - to go camping on my own.

I understand that yes, workaholism is a problem, and we've already worked out something to deal with the issue. But is it really THAT wrong to just come home and unwind and talk about work?

To be honest, her patience and support is wearing thin. Truth is that she wasn't ready to deal with my sudden changes after quitting alcohol cold turkey either (which she once ironically nagged me about all the drinking), and she's getting more and more explosive.

So fine! Maybe I'll just talk to myself about work from now on, hell she can forget about our plans too, think I'll sleep alone tonight... *sigh* sorry, I needed to vent. It's been a LONG day...


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Maybe 5 years ago or less?

I used to come home all irritated from the idiocy I work with. (I still do, for the record) husband would wake up, try to talk to me, and would end up listening to me carry on about work, everything that stressed me out, why it did, what a bunch of idiots they are etc etc etc. 

finally we had a blow out over it, and he exclaimed that he was tired of listening to me b*tch about my job all the time, he didn't care, and he didn't want to hear it.

I was of course extremely offended, but I took it, and taught myself to leave work at work. I walk into the building, deal with it, and leave it behind me when I walk out. the amount of stress and tension doing that alone relieves is amazing.

I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting to talk about work, ironically, my husband started working at the same place, and all he could do was complain about it a few years later and I suddenly knew how he felt and vice versa. But, maybe just shutting work off on the outside of the building will make your stress level a little lower?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Work talk probably need to stay at work. Unless of course you have a wife who really wants to know how work and your day was. I usually leave my work at work, unless the wife asks. I enjoy my job but there are probably other things in the world I can find to talk about with my wife.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

*sigh* To be honest I was hoping she could actually give me some ideas really too, she's smarter then I am. It's not like I need approval or anything but I want her input in my decisions too. She's been enjoying life for years now since marriage not having to work or do anything - like a princess really. It's a waste of what I've seen of her before marriage!

She also tries to convince me that she's never been the money type and some parts of that can be true considering I was nothing but a laborer when we first got together. But the thing is if I don't provide her with the lifestyle she has now, she might go straight to her parents and that embarrasses the hell outta me (she did it in the past)

Oh well, maybe I should just stick to this 'getaway' plan to help me switch off and see if it improves or not for now...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* *To be honest I was hoping she could actually give me some ideas really too, she's smarter then I am. It's not like I need approval or anything but I want her input in my decisions too.* She's been enjoying life for years now since marriage not having to work or do anything - like a princess really. It's a waste of what I've seen of her before marriage!
> 
> She also tries to convince me that she's never been the money type and some parts of that can be true considering I was nothing but a laborer when we first got together. But the thing is if I don't provide her with the lifestyle she has now, she might go straight to her parents and that embarrasses the hell outta me (she did it in the past)
> 
> Oh well, maybe I should just stick to this 'getaway' plan to help me switch off and see if it improves or not for now...


Have you told her this? Seriously. Have the discussion and tell her that you understand that a lot of this just frustrates her or whatever, but that there are some decisions that you would like her input. Make sure she knows that you aren't asking for her to make the decisions, but that you respect her opinion, you think she is very intelligent, and you would just like her to be a part of it. And don't do it for everything. Keep it to the major points.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* To be honest I was hoping she could actually give me some ideas really too, she's smarter then I am. It's not like I need approval or anything but I want her input in my decisions too. She's been enjoying life for years now since marriage not having to work or do anything - like a princess really. It's a waste of what I've seen of her before marriage!
> 
> She also tries to convince me that she's never been the money type and some parts of that can be true considering I was nothing but a laborer when we first got together. But the thing is if I don't provide her with the lifestyle she has now, she might go straight to her parents and that embarrasses the hell outta me (she did it in the past)
> 
> Oh well, maybe I should just stick to this 'getaway' plan to help me switch off and see if it improves or not for now...


I understand what you mean by that.... you vent because you want to find solutions. But maybe she doesn't know that? If you literally say --- "here's an issue, do you have any ideas", otherwise you are just b!tchin" and that gets old. 

I do believe it's all HOW you say it. "This bothered me today". And I do think it helps you to let it go..... if you phrase it that way. Helps your mind to process it. "This bugged me. I'd like to make sure it doesn't happen anymore". Puts your mind in the mode to find a solution for it. 

Other things you can do.
Go get a coffee or water and go for a walk before you get home. 15 minutes. Somewhere quiet. Or the gym. I used to do this religiously when my son was little. It wasn't fair to pick him up at daycare all wound up. I wanted to be smiling when I got there. And yeah, you do need some down time after work. 

Books on disc in the car. The garbage truck is a good one. 

One thing I learned about complaining about "stupid" people --- it sounds very judgemental. Who are you to judge someone? You don't know what is going on in their life, or what they are capable of. You can always learn from others. If you are willing to look at it that way. And it makes the listener wonder "what do you think about ME then?"

Sometimes if you think about it... someone went postal over something minor. But hey, they got what they needed in the end..... didn't they? So who is smarter after all? It's just not the way I would choose to get a solution. It's abrasive. I refuse to be abrasive. It makes me smirk. And that gets me into trouble LOL they are all fired up and I start smiling. Didn't mean to. Just find it amusing.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> But the thing is if I don't provide her with the lifestyle she has now, she might go straight to her parents and that embarrasses the hell outta me (she did it in the past)


Why do you answer to HER parents?

On the work thing I have a general rule that I don't help my husband unless he specifically asks for it.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Don't put off the family time thing just because of a spat tonight. She might have had something stressful happen to her... or (sigh, i know she's not as old as I).. might be at that point in her cycle that one tinsiest little thing could change her to biatchydom.

Not defending her.. Just saying.. do NOT let it change your family planed time together.

Maybe you do need to sit down with her and say " Sorry if I was too moody about work.. I really value your brains and thought you could help me think of a solution". 

THen, next time.. Do what deejov said & start off with the "Here's what happened today.. I think you might beable to look at it from a different perspective and give me some thoughts on a solution..." before you start to vent about work. Then, It is not just coming across as just another vent session. 

Plus.. that gives her an opportunity to reply & back out & say something like " I'd like to hun, but not right now. I've got a killer headache .... i'm just so tired right now"... etc etc. And you could say "Thanks, I would like to talk about it later sometime though."


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Make it structured. Have business meetings with your wife with an agenda and ask her for her valuable inputs and opinions. Right time, right place and all that.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

If its just *****ing, yes that gets old and very frustrating because there is no solution. And if its a regular occurance it can leave the receiver feeling like a trash can, just a receptical for your garbage.

Have you ever walked in and just asked her about her day? And then sat there really listening without wishing she would hurry up and finish her list of mundane BS so you could tell her your more important problems? Not saying you do this but if you HAVE then she has a simmering little well of resentment that could use some tlc to balance things out.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

We used to have this problem many years ago when I was very unhappy at work and I used to pour down a lot of same trash over him everyday and I was able to see how he dreaded asking me about work haha.......we have even fought over it. Well, that was years ago. Now we both have full time stressful job and two young kinds to take care so we don't talk about work anything until we tuck the kids in bed and bid goodbye. After that usually we ask each other about our day but we'll just keep it simple if there is nothing unusual. Basically we do not discuss and share small matters. If I had had really bad day usually I'll sms him on the way and we'll go for walk at night to talk about it and same goes for him. On the other hand if we have a good news about work we also sms and go for a drink and chat. Its very important to strike a balance to have a happy work and family. I learnt it the hard way too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah, I'm starting to see what you mean. It's just hard for me to think of anything else to want to talk about instead of work nowadays. Sometimes it's also just funny stories that happened at work and I wanted to share with her, not just vents. And I do ask her about her day, her stories are most of the time boring too but I still want to hear about what she's been up to.

Come to think of it, ever since marriage we've developed completely different love languages, for me I appreciate time together and connecting spiritually, but for her, T.L.C. and physical touch is high priority. When she doesn't show me the support I need I feel unloved and when I don't give her the T.L.C. she needs she feels unloved.

Bah! We know this yet we still have these problems!!!


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