# Can't Win



## njdad (Mar 29, 2012)

I've made a lot of changes for the better since getting blindsided by my wife with request for separation/divorce -- helping around the house, working out, sticking to budget, etc. I would be lying if I said that I didn't do these things in the hopes that my wife would take notice, but it would also be a lie to say that is the only reason. I'm doing them b/c they are the right thing to do and they make me feel better. That said, I have gotten absolutely no credit for any of it. To the contrary, it has all been met with extreme bitterness. She actually yelled at me for doing a household chore that she probably would have begged me to do 3 months ago. I don't know if it is too little too late or if she thinks it is only an act or if it shows what I could have been doing all along or if she worries that if she acknowledges that I am trying and a decent guy she might feel guilty. Regardless, I'm starting to resent her resentment. 

Not looking for advice (although I will gladly take it!). Just venting. Thanks.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

You shouldn't look for validation from anyone except yourself, you have a lot of self healing to do. Improve yourself first.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

You and me sound like we are in the same boat. I have been doing things and when I come home I smile and say hello. She seems to think it is an act or something but I have told her several times that I see how I treated her wrong in the past and am changing for the better to help her de-stress as well as make changes to myself for myself.

Also when this is over I will have to do all the house work myself anyway so I guess I might as well get used to it. Also If I do everything now hopefully the court will see I am a good caretaker and give me custody.

I resent the resentment too but the books I've read basically say to turn the other cheek. Your wife and mine are in a fog. I don't think I can do anything good right now. Of course she knows I am fighting for the kids so I am way high on the sh!t list for sure.

These changes you and I have made will help with our next relationships. I have no idea when I will be ready but I figure it will help.

Take care and keep your head up.


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