# dealing with "us" stuff



## ScottH454 (Jun 3, 2012)

Been wondering how others deal with "us" stuff. We meet I was in a studio apartment with no furniture. Now we had a house built an it's filled with us. I almost killed her plants, but when we started talking again toward R I began taking care of them again. Now that's gone an I don't know what to do since everything is what we built. More than I could get rid of for sure. So how do I start looking at our stuff without thinking of her?
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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi ScottH454 - I am in the same boat (he is the one who left, I am living in the home that represents the life we built together). I decided to stay, because I love the location and all my supportive friends/neighbors are here -- when the dust settles, I will completely redecorate from toop to bottom to erase every trace of the past. Meanwhile, you make it a project a bit at a time to start sorting through things and deciding what to take to Good Will, what to throw out, what to sell, what to leave in boxes for her to decide how to dispose. Get a friend to come over and help you, if that will make it easier.

I started with getting all new linens and bedspread, and changing all the pictures and artowrk on the walls. This morning I spent a chunk of time putting away in storage all photos, cards, and memorabilia involving him -- if felt good to get rid of all the visible reminders of happier days, so I can finish grieiving the loss and start properly healing and moving on. I wish things had turned out differently, but we can not turn back the clock and I have to accept what I cannot change. It may still take some time, but I am feeling less miserable already, so I know I did the right thing for my self-esteem by letting go of hope for him to change his mind and detaching from a husband who does not place value on me and our marriage  

Hugs, - A12


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