# Need some advice



## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

As I posted in another topic, my wife had left me several months ago. I thought we worked things out and made plans for reuniting but she slowly distanced herself from me. Her family had a huge impact on it all but here is the main reasons.

My wife had 2 credit cards which she spent together with me totalling $9000 which went to her collection and with interest will climb up to $15000. She also bought a room and we didnt pay that off yet either. That one will reach $5000. So she is now in debt of around $20,000.

I believe that if she wanted she could go through court and the court would probably order me to pay 50%. Instead, she found a hard job working 10 -12 hours per day while I babysit our child. Due to her job, lack of transportation and our distance, she sees our child only once per week. 

I will mention the reasons she left me. We fought a lot. I couldn't work due to depression & anxiety. That illness made me kinda distant from her as I often slept on the couch or another room. Unfortunately she didn't understand the nature of this illness and thought I was avoiding her. Our sex life become nonexistent. Our marriage lasted 3 years and she is now 22 I'm 27. We have a 2 yo child.

So tonight she called me and we talked for an hour. She said she doesn't want reunite with me because she feels hurt and she doesn't trust me anymore. During the marriage I promised her the world but gave her nothing. I dont take the full guilt cuz I blame my illness but I know how she feels.

She did slip out that she still loves me.

Now that I feel better I would really do all I can for her if she came back. I still love her and cant imagine myself with another woman. But she has made up her mind. She did say "maybe she will feel different in the future about me".

However, I would like to win her back. If that doesn't work at least I want to make her life easier. I want to pay off half if not most of her debt. I should do it no matter what, even though she disbeliefs I would do that. 

Then I want to bring the child every or almost every day to her after she comes from work so she can be with him at least a few hours every day. I would like the child to be with her most of the time but no one can watch him. He is safer with me than some babysitter and my wife agrees. I wanted her family to babysit but they don't want to. 

I thought she is seeing someone else and I still give it 10% chance that she is, but after she called tonight she bursted into tears about how she misses the child, how her job is hard etc. I am worried she might get depressed like me so I need to help her and I believe her. It is bad that her family made her cut all contacts with me but I still have faith.

So basically she blames me for everything. I want to help her and maybe, just maybe, she will have change of heart on the end. She also made it clear to me that repaying the debt is her priority now. (Her family make her priorities for her)

I would like to ask a few questions if someone could answer/ADVICE me.

1. Should I give up on hopes or should I fight to win her back, because she is clearly confused or brainwashed by her family?

2. Is it common that 2 people separate and eventually reunite?(I don't know of anybody)

3. What else could I do to make her happy besides paying the debt & driving the child to her? (Buying gifts etc doesnt work.)

Thanks


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Just ask her for a day of her time where you can both talk and spend time with you child together , dont feel her head with false promises ..If after you have spent a little time together and it feels right just tell her you wish you could do it more often ..do nothing to heavy you dont want her to feel backed into making a choice between you and her family just tell her you there for her .

Paying back her debt is her way of starting afresh im sure she must find it incredible hard to be away from her child that in itself would be enough to make her feel down


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

Thanks for reply.

You are right. She came over today and said she wants to take a day off her work and spend it with me, mostly to talk about our problems. 

She has to do it so her family doesn't know.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Good luck i hope that you both can find what you are looking for . I know its not easy when family become invovled in your problems .Me and my husband have agreed that when we argue we turn to good friends rather then our parents because they become to invovled ! good luck


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