# Experiencing a honeymoon stage after deciding to work it out



## tamarar (Sep 26, 2011)

On Wednesday I found out in all ity gritty detail of the one time infidelity of my husband. I've been with him for 11 years we have 2 children and I thought we were extremely happy. He too always thought we were extremely happy. It was a drunk night with a stranger. It happened a year ago, I only found out by chance when the woman felt the need to clear her conscious and emailed me through FB. They have had absolutely no contact w one another since and there is no concern about recontact. She and I had a very good and honest thread about what happened and the hurt it caused. He admitted to the entire event. The sex doesnt really bother me. Its the year lie. He is devastatingly ashamed. My H and I sat and had our maybe our 4th big talk. To prove that he was telling me the truth and had laid all things on the table he told me about something he had never told me or anyone else in his life (a childhood abuse he experienced at 8yo by a 14yo boy). I was dumbfounded. I in turn told him about truth bomb that I had never told him or anyone else. (also an experience that I had years before we met). Since that moment, we catapulted ourselves into this "honeymoon stage". Both of our seratonin levels are through the roof. We are cuddling, kissing, longing and feeling unbelievably happy like we were in the first months of our lives together. Not in ignoring the issue but so happy in our honesty and acceptance of each other. Looking forward to start our lives as a more honest and healthy marriage. But the loviness is definitely hormonal. Is this a normal step in all this. It seems so ridiculous to be this "happy" after an affair.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

It's called Hysterical Bonding.

SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity

_Q: Why do I want to have sex with FWS? Submitted by Dlee 

A: Upon being confronted with the undeniable reality that their most trusted spouse has betrayed them with another, some BS's experience an overwhelming sexual desire for their wayward spouse. Many couples claim to have had the best, most intense and loving sex of their relationship during the period following the discovery of an affair, (generally a few weeks to several months), often trying new things and experimenting in ways they had never considered before. This phenomenon is termed "Hysterical Bonding. 

There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. While it may feel counter-intuitive to the BS; as if they are "rewarding" the WS for the affair, hysterical bonding can be a stepping stone to reconciliation. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build. 

The occurrence or absence of hysterical bonding does not appear to be an indicator of successful reconciliation. Many other factors, such as the WS's remorse and openness are far more reliable indicators. Hysterical bonding is, however, normal, and nothing for the BS to be alarmed about or ashamed about experiencing. In fact, it has been said it is the one positive in an otherwise long and miserable experience, so enjoy it while it lasts! _


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## tamarar (Sep 26, 2011)

This is very helpful, thank you so much!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

kinda takes the fun out of it knowing it has a clinical name- gee thanks LM!


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Who cares, its the best sex you will ever have in your entire life. Enjoy 

Tamarar, you are not the only one. I think this is pretty normal. Nothing is wrong with you.


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## Pavel Shotski (Sep 26, 2011)

That's a rough way to get there, though. Do you think it was because of the affair or the sudden openness between you two? As in, do you think if you managed to have that same conversation without the affair that you would be in this same place?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

This happened to us as well. It's very common.

Think of it like a really intense version of break-up sex.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

It lasted for 9 months for us.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We also experienced that, and to some degree still are, although it's cooled down somewhat.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Wife and I as well. Over one year post D Day and still experiencing it. Like Hope1964 the intensity has lessened some but it may have killed us if it didn't.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Thinly veiled brag- 2 years and counting of hysterical bonding
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

2 1/2 years and it's not as all consuming as it was the first year, but we're still going strong. After hitting rock bottom, we've both made conscious efforts to keep those feelings alive. That period of hysterical bonding helped me when dealing with triggers and bad nights. There were so many new, happy memories to focus on when bad thoughts popped up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

It is a difficult thing to explain. I think we (mostly me) needed it in the beginning because it was one of the few times I did not feel bad. And I needed to be close to her.

Then you find that sex is better as you both open up to each other. Who ever knew that honesty and transparancy was such a turn-on


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

agree with most posts here, especially to ENJOY it while it lasts (for it does end, which is both good n bad.... : O :scratchhead: )

honesty as a healing balm works many a miracle in all rel'shps.
its openness is like a breath of fresh air into any marriage as 
both feel they can be more of themselves, and not a pretend
person.

but secrecy always lurks its way in again it seems.

again, enjoy while "it" lasts.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Thinly veiled brag- 2 years and counting of hysterical bonding
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now I gotta hate you.....j/k.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Now I gotta hate you.....j/k.


that's okay, I've been teasing you too


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