# Should I be worried?



## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Now i know this has been discussed time after time but I just need some advice from my point of view. My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4 we are both 28 and have a 2 yr old son. I would love to say every year has been great but we've had so many ups and downs I lose track of the good times. Now in the past three years, ive been in and out of hospitals because of some major health issues, and obviously i've missed out on a lot of work. She supported me through the majority of my illness but towards my recovery I slipped into a major depression. I was virtually emotionless for 3 months. By this i mean i actually stayed at my friends house and told her I just needed to be with friends. She was extremely upset and overly loving towards me during the time i didnt want it, she told me she only needed me and she didnt need to go out with friends. I never cheated on her and i never would but for obvious reasons she was a wreck. That was a year ago and i recovered and learned it was the medication that i was on that caused me to feel that way, because once i stopped it i went back to being very emotional towards her. 
Now we've never been the type that goes out to bars or drinks a lot, but lately ive noticed that shes been wanting to go. She will just send me a message saying I'm going out for a drink with so and so from work, yet that drink takes 2-3hrs. I know i am a jealous person, but only because our relationship isnt very physical. However, i try to express my concerns to her and she just lashes out at me calling me an a hole and shes been working her ass off while ive been sick and doing SH**. She has friends that i know and trust, yet she only wants to go out with her work friends. I'm a cop and ive been turning down the guys for years at work because I just dont think its the right thing to do in a marriage. I hang out with mainly 2 people that shes known for our entire relationship and they are just as close as we are. However, its like when i try to bring up, well why dont you hang out with these people that i know, instead of people i've never met. I know it may sound unreasonable to an extent, but this is just the way i treat things. I have never gone out with a group of guys she didnt know. I just dont know what to do anymore. What do you guys think?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Welcome gizmo.

Are you able to monitor her texts/emails?


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

She deletes most of her texts, but so do I. While it can be a problem, ive always been the person who always deletes my texts, even the ones from her.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Well that's a red flag.

Which phone is she using?


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Oh and One big thing i forgot to mention. She left me when we were 21 for 3 months because i was being lazy and i was, i was working a seasonal job and i was in my off season (winter). However she started dating another guy immediately after me for a month, nothing physical other than kissing( so she says) When i bring this incident up, she tells me to get over the past.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Cheater language, just a kiss=sex.


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Iphone. But i've never looked too much into because like i said, ive always deleted my texts because i just dont like seeing them all, plus i dont want my friends or someone digging through my phone.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You can get the deleted texts off an iphone if she sync's it to a computer.

iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac

OR

http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/...trieve-deleted-text-messages-from-iphone.html


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Yea ive told her that many times but she insists that im just being paranoid. She accuses me of doing something during that 3 months, but honestly i was so broken up and heartbroken i never even hung out with another woman


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Ive been looking into programs like this, but she does all the bills and we only have a joint account. So How do i buy this without her knowing?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You telling her is just pushing her deeper underground(if she is having an affair). You have to get the evidence without telling her.

You said she isn't having drink with friends you know/trust rather with coworkers. In other words she can be doing things she shouldn't be but you wont get the memo.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Gizmo04 said:


> Ive been looking into programs like this, but she does all the bills and we only have a joint account. So How do i buy this without her knowing?


The second is free, you just have to find that folder in the computer she connects her phone to.

"If you have a PC, find the files here and follow the steps above:


Documents and Settings\USERNAME\Application Data\Apple Computer\MobileSync\Backup"


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Yeah i get what you're saying. Its just extremely frustrating that she thinks im wrong. My biggest argument is, you see these people at work more than your own family, so why the need to go out? I'm stressed" and everyone else goes out and gets mad if i dont come. I tell her that she doesnt understand how many times ive heard the word *****whipped at work. Cops are bad when it comes to this, we have one of the highest divorce rates, however, i couldnt live with myself if i ever cheated. I mean these are the type of guys that encourage me to treat and i tell them they are going to be extremely unhappy one day because they cant grow up.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Gizmo04 said:


> Yeah i get what you're saying. Its just extremely frustrating that she thinks im wrong. My biggest argument is, you see these people at work more than your own family, so why the need to go out? I'm stressed" and everyone else goes out and gets mad if i dont come. I tell her that she doesnt understand how many times ive heard the word *****whipped at work. Cops are bad when it comes to this, we have one of the highest divorce rates, however, i couldnt live with myself if i ever cheated. I mean these are the type of guys that encourage me to treat and i tell them they are going to be extremely unhappy one day because they cant grow up.


Oh I hear you. You're doing the right thing by staying with your wife instead of hanging out with friends/coworkers. On the other she should also.

You have to diagnose the problem before you can fix it. That's why checking her texts/emails is a good way to start.


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

So if i say sync her phone tonight when shes sleeping. Do you have any idea how far the info will go back?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Gizmo04 said:


> So if i say sync her phone tonight when shes sleeping. Do you have any idea how far the info will go back?


Maybe she already sync'd it, can you check the computer she uses for those files?

As far as the phone was used, but for some it only goes back to the last backup.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You need to deal with her, in that she put up with you being a non-entity in your mge---for that year---BUT------she has no right to be playing the single woman script-----she needs to go back to the married woman script----you need to find out what she IS doing when away from you---cuz that is actually time a married woman would spend at home with her H.

You need to find out about her time away---do you have any real good friends on the force---that would help you as in some PI work, on what she is doing at the bar, after work.

Along with that, and until you get some solid info---that she IS cheating----start trying to get your wife/mge, back----Date her, send her flowers, woo her, cook for her, do the things you did, when you 1st met, and everything was starry-eyed, and wildly romantic----get your mge., back to that point

That would all change if you DO find out she is cheating---but until you do---court her, like when you were both innocently/wildly in love---and there was no one else but the 2 of you.-------


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Giz,

Why no sex with the wife?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Ok, there are reasons to be suspicious but I don't like how people are already assuming that she is cheating. 

Stay low, start collecting evidence. You can try buying a prepaid visa card and use it it buy the message extractor program if you are on joint accounts.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

*everyone else goes out and gets mad if i dont come*

This is a lie, no work place is like this, if a married women with a husband and child at home doesn't go out after work everyone understands completely. Especially no need to stay out for 2-3 hours. *There may be no affair yet, but she definitely is interested in someone at work*.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

It has been my longstanding beleief that NO GOOD ever comes out of husbands and wives going to bars with friends/coworkers when the other spouse is at home. Get off that road. 

_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

I appreciate all the advice and its nice to know i'm not being crazy. As far as our whole relationship goes weve never been the real physical type. Shes always been like that, ( shes bern on anti depressants and zanax from the beginning) which i talked to a therapist by myself and its to be expected. Its maybe 2 -3 times a month which isnt too bad from what my friends relationships are like. Its more of the little things that bother me. I like to express my emotion , while shes always been guarded. She believes its her right to go out because shes been working a lot to help pay medical bills which is fine as long is it isnt people i dont know. However ive supported her many times when she hasnt been working, and my salary is the reason shes been able to have the things she wants. Even on disability from work i was making what she makes but she made me feel like i was ****ing us over because she wanted to move into a nicer home. In no way am i claiming to be the best hub in the world, but i dont cross boundaries that i believe to be wrong or that would hurt her. Yes im a cop i have a dominate attitude but hers is worse. If shes not in control she loses it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Giz,

Going by your last post, your wife resents you and feels entitled to time away from you. That soon evolves into entitlement to have an affair. It's amazing how many women have no sex drive for their husbands due to depression/anti-depressives (odd how the disease and the cure have the same sex suppressing effect) yet they can still get hot and horny for a new guy. In any case, alcohol is a depressant so she shouldn't be drinking anyway, especially while on those drugs. Are you sure she's taking them?

You need to assume your wife is misbehaving and start looking for proof. Do the phone, VAR, keylogger, tail, etc. If nothing comes up, then your wife is merely a pain in the @ss.


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## Gizmo04 (Apr 25, 2012)

Yea she takes her anti depressants. Yea i have no proof shes done anything wrong, but when you lie to me, warning bells go off. She keeps saying, ive been taking care of u through all ur health problems god forbid i go out for a drink. I just say well u lied about going so whats to stop you from lying about anything else. It just makes i worse for me cuz i know i havent been there for her but i still believe in principals and its just depressing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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