# Anyone in an OPEN-Relationship?



## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

Just out of curiousity, any one here in an open relationship? I mentioned this to my hubby once and he thinks it's ridiculous. I sort of said it to him jokingly that maybe it'll spiced up our relationship, you know, at least we both know what we're doing. Apparently Jada Pinkett Smith and her husband Will Smith are in an open relationship, but apparently none of them have actually slept with other people.

So, if you are in an open relationship, did it really help your current relationship? Does sex more fun with your actual mate? 

Any comments guys? Just don't bash me ok, I am just asking here


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I make no judgement about others but for ME why be married? An open relationship means dating. I don't see how jealousy would not end up entering in to the picture. I don't think it would help a relationship either only damage it. JMO!


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

no way, can't even handle all of my husband's personalities let alone another man


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I have a hard time with one woman why double the effort when I am already giving 100% or splitting it so no one is complete? One of my friends had a relationship like that and it worked for him. It would never work for me. I have never cheated on my wife or been with any other and for that I feel good about myself and my morale ground.

draconis


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

answering your question - i can give you the scenario of a colleague in work.
a young couple (20 yrs old)married, closed relationship at the time - only them. after about 18months of marriage , both of them agreed to the open marriage . 
after a few months they split up for a while. he got his secretary pregnant.
my colleague and her hubby continued on and off with other. but by this time the commitment had gone between them also. they sold the marital house but did not divorce. carried on with different partners.
but his family are millionaires. my colleague has nothing to worry about when it comes to money if she stays.
in the last yr they both continued with other ppl and my colleague is now five months pregnant with the husband.
work gossip was rife and to be honest very cruel. but she put herslf in the situation - ppl were commenting on what the baby would look like or the culture of the child. 
gonna be honest they certainly have put eachother through the emotional mill and alot more than the conventional marriage.
money is more the key issue on her sticking around him, thats why she couldnt really stay away.
because she has been around the family since she was 16, they know her. being millionaires, they know how to protect their assets.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I am not in an open relationship, But I would have no problem with it If my wife wanted to do so, I've given her plenty of oppurtunities to do it, but she does not want to, so we are not open.

But for a couple to be open there is a couple of things...

1. Complete open and honesty, no sneaking around, nothing that the other does not know.

2. Complete trust, Knowing that they are fully committed tot heir spouse and the other person is just a fun time.

3. Set Boundries, if the 1 souse says, you can't do this with that person, then you must agree to the rules.

4. takes a very STRONG Mental and trustful plus HONEST couple to be this way.

5. You or the spouse, CAN NOT be the jealous type at all, don't play with fire if you don't want to be burned.


I know a few couples that are in this lifestyle and they are great people open and honest, they completely respect those who are not into it, as they wish to be respected.

Bottom line as with any relationship. Communication, trust and safety are all very important.

plus BOTH partners have to be in it a 100% no convincing the other one to do it.


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## samantharose (Aug 28, 2008)

Whenever my husband and I get bored with each other or in the bedroom, we take a class together. We try to go out more with our family and visit local art shows and fairs etc. I don't know where we would find the time to consider an open relationship, let alone persue it and maintain it. It is just sex right?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well my wife and I have been to Swinger clubs, which I think is the best method or finding another couple that is into the lifestyle.

We been to the clubs, but we never "messed around" with anyone but ourselves. The places usually are very erotic and a turn on for most who are interested.

The clubs we have been to the people have been very respectful in terms of "no means No" Plus safe sex is always a must.

But there are websites and clubs that if you are interested in the life style you can go to.

There is a resort in Cncun that me and my wife are planning on going to for a weekend while our kids are with our family. It is a swinger resort and clothing optional.

While we are not looking to hook up with anyone, we enjoy being around the "energy" and the comfortable atmosphere that people are witht heir bodies and having sex in front of others.

Again, boils down to honesty and trust..Communication.

Again not for eveyone and both parties must be on the same page to what is acceptable.


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## tnt20years (Aug 11, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> plus BOTH partners have to be in it a 100% no convincing the other one to do it.


This is important, so please read carefully!!! Just because you're thinking about it, do not in any way lead another couple to think that you all can convince your husband into it!!! I just went through this situation. My husband agreed to a swap, and didn't involve me in his agreement because he knew I wouldn't do it. He took me out with them and then to a party at their house and I kept thinking "why is this woman all over my husband and vice-versa and why does this guy keep talking to me???" With my temper, it's still amazing to me that I didn't poke her eyeballs out. But they were very nice to me, now I know why. I was devastated when my husband finally came clean with me and told me he wanted to have sex with her and me with him!!! I'm still hurt and upset about it!! It's been very upsetting to me to know that I am not enough for my husband anymore!! That he would want to have sex with another woman is the most hurtful thing he has ever done to me...let alone that he wanted me to have sex with another man!!!


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

when I was single I couldnt handle dating two women at once although I did numeruos times. Why bother with marriage if you need other people. I think it would severly complicate an already difficult union. Swinging I could see but it's not for me. Guys already trip over themselves when I am in public with my wife. They would run me over in a swingers club.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

TNT Wow I really feel sorry for your experience. But I want to share my "mental" state for you into why I would be open to swinging. As weird and screwy as it sounds, I think my wife is the hottest most georgous woman on the planet, My turn on would not so much for me to be with another woman, but to watch my wife have her way with another man, one we both agree to. She has the green light to do this at anytime.

I have been offered by couples for me to join them, I have said not without my wife, and She has been offered by many men as well, she has said, no so far, and no person has ever been obnoxious about it or asked more then once. All said thanks and went their way.

As I said, we ended up having terrific sex at these clubs, because we learned that while we enjoy the atmosphere the riskyness of it, swinging is not for us.

I understand your hurt, but TNT be glad the guy was interested in you, but I imagine your hubby has been talking to them online well in advance on the swinger sites. He should have really talked to you about this in advance, but he was thinking with is D*** instead of his head. I am sure he regrets the decision and should have talked to you about it.

My wife said she may be game in a few years, but is not ready yet, so no big deal I am in no rush, again, to me it is all about pleasing her and I would love to have her have a fun wild and super erotic night. But to her that could just be a night with me and that is cool. :smthumbup:

Brad, I think you would be surprised at the swinger clubs that are couples only, no one acts like "hungry wolves" and usually it is a "couple" choice either both partners agree or nothing. There is also Soft swinging, Kissing, touching, no sex. My wife is very georgous (see my album) but she has never been uncomfortable.


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## TheLuckiest08 (Jun 2, 2008)

Personally, I see swinging as cheating with permission. Call me old-fashioned, but in my marriage vows I promised to forsake all others.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

the luckiest....That is why it is not for everyone.

Only certain couples can do this, handle this and live this lifestyle. 

I and I am sure those type of people fully respect your point of view and would not want you to change anything.

As long as you're happy, so are we.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

ooo another good thread. Personally, I can understand open relationships. I am not in one and my husband would never be up for it. We have been to swinger clubs as well, but, just like the soccerman, we've only played with each other. True also that it's not for everyone. Personally I enjoy the open atmosphere and the debauchery about it all. It's so taboo that it's a turn on. 

I think that open relationships offer a supplement to the relationship you're in. A few months back in Playgirl magazine there was a writeup about open relationships and the one girl lives with two guys. That works for them. The other girl who is married to her man also goes out and gets with multiple other men. If she's feeling one way, she calls this guy. If she's feeling like a different kind of sex, she calls yet another guy. But the loving cuddling making love is reserved for her husband. I don't think that one person in the relationship can provide absolutely everything that the other needs. So I see open relationships as supplements. 

If you look at most of the threads on this forum, it's a lot of people complaining that their SO wont' have sex anymore. Adding another person to the mix will definitely spice things up. BUT, see GASoccerman's list of rules. It def has to be agreed upon by both members in the relationship. 

I just think that humans are animals just like any other living breathing thing on this earth, and we have instincts. The moral code we place on ourselves to be monogamous has a religious base. It's not necessarily natural. Just a thought though. It certainly explains why so many people are cheating on their spouses.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

the world would be an odd one, if we all had the same opinions.
GAsoccerman i liked what you said. its real.
its not screwy or messed up. because thats your relationship.
no one is really wrong.


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## storyboardlife (Oct 31, 2008)

question: if you are breaking the marriage vows by having another together what stops someone doing that without the other knowing about it? and the one with kids? Is this something that you wish on your kids when they turn 18? I mean if it is okay for you two to do this why wouldn't it be okay for your children to do this with a group of their friends in your house after their first year in college?


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