# Me and My Situation



## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Okay, at the encouragement of Kendall/Wilson, I am posting my story here.

I have a husband who is a NG. You could categorize him as LD (about 50 yrs old). I am HD and around 40. We are 10 yrs married and I was kind of medium drive when we met. Unfortunately, we don't have much contact because of his LD.

I started a new job 6 months ago and met lots of new people. Without giving away too much, I am and always have been a female in a mostly male-dominated field. I got into my field in the early 90s before such things as sexual harassment policies. I learned to tolerate a lot. However, that does not have any bearing on my situation except to say that I have learned to be "one of the boys". I am not one to be easily offended or anything like that.

Anyway, here we are with me starting a new job in late 2013. I am very shy (introverted) with new people and they make me nervous. Even though I am an expert in my field, I have never pursued management because I have a tendency to blush when put on the spot no matter how confident I am on the subject. 

Enter GUY. No, that is not his name. Guy is a couple yrs older than H and many years older than I. At some point (maybe 3 wks in), I noticed him noticing me. He sat in the office next to me and he started coming by all the time for work-related issues.

Then, after a few weeks, we moved to a new building, and he and I moved to separate wings. I work on a team that overlaps with his, so I see him at least 2 or 3 times a week in meetings. We also have overall team meetings where he makes certain to sit next to me. I don't respond or really talk to him other than when work warrants that I do something for his team. On several occasions, I have had to take the seat next to him and sometimes roll back out of his peripheral vision. I see him looking backwards at me,with intent. It's like he wants me to see him and, at some point for me, the switch just flipped and I thought, "Wow! Someone is interested in me."

We have gone together to lunch only once, and that was in a group. Nothing at all since, except that we have been to two happy hours where he likes to talk up my talents. (I have a specialized skill and am the only person in our company who does what I do.) He doesn't talk about my skills to me, but to others in our group. The last HH involved a lot of posing on his part. My husband was there and never even noticed him. Yes, my husband is attractive and slightly younger than this guy, but the other guy is attractive too. As for myself, I have some own self-confidence issues that I have always had since I was a teen. However, I try to stay in shape, not that that makes a lot of difference to my H.

I know that some of this is a need for attention. I am almost annoyed by the fact that Guy seeks me out at work. We locked eyes today when I was conducting a meeting with my peers. He just strolled past the meeting room and looked right in... right at me. And I felt other people noticing this. I don't have any intentions of doing anything. Goodness knows I would pass out at the thought of another man. Yet, I think about him lots. I know it's bad for me, for my H and for my job. 

To recap, there is nothing that has happened between Guy and me. I do think/wonder about it when I get annoyed with my current situation, and I just don't know how to deal with it.


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## Truthstop (Jul 14, 2012)

Hey, itsmyturn01 

I'm going to share with you something that happened to me at work and I hope it help you. During my marriage, I and this RN got close due to our jobs, she would always request me for help, when she could have had others in my department come to her aid. 

This kept happening over a series of months, which lead to flirting which at the time I saw to be harmless (WRONG!) Then one day in front of coworkers, she referred to me as her coworking boyfriend! got very pissed if other RNs where thinking about me etc. 

Now, we never went out on a lunch date, that would have been very dangerous on my part! but all this flirting, and extra attention wore on both of us, the next thing I know, I'm thinking about her almost all the time, OFFWORK! Then my mind starts role playing about us. She one day ends it, by simply saying to me , I am married! with Children . Which was another way during our conversation of many with each other, I am not going to have an affair with you and ruin all I presently have! Got it! All this is , is harmless flirting and nothing more. Yet I knew, the deeper meaning behind her comment was " Step up! or Step out! 

This is where I ended our little work flirtation banter episodes. No, I was not cruel, or mean, I just told her, she could call other department techs to help her instead me all the time, then I began to distance myself from her but let her know, no hard feelings. 

"All in all! I loved the attention because of my low self esteem! It felt great to be wanted by another attractive women! Especially a smart one! But it had all the ingredients of not just an emotional affair , but moving towards a full affair! I assure you, if I kept my mouth shut, went to what would have seemed an innocent dinner, I would have ended up in bed with her!"

Your not playing with fire ? You are allowing it! My question is why? 

Try drawing closer with your husband, talk things out him , make sure you two are taking care of each others needs and if not? speak up! I assure you, the moment my wife took care of my neglected needs in the bedroom, the ability of the OW's intentions diminished! and no longer held me attention any longer. Just plan old LUST! 

There is nothing wrong with others admire you, complementing you etc, were are only human, but we all know the difference from flirting and when someone is fully coming on to you! Once you are aware of that intention, the ball is in your court and you! should kill it! 

If you believe your marriage is worth fighting for!? then FIGHT FOR IT! its that simple. You had your fun, you are attractive, duh?! why do you think your Husband choose you to begin with? Keep it professional, you may have to even get in his face and tell him to knock it off! Your happily married and there is nothing he has you want" 

There is no OR, in this situation. If you feel there is? then you need counseling and help fast, both of you, before its too late. Look, I knew what I was doing, and the amount of fire I was playing with and when to cool it, I honestly allowed it to go waaayyy to far! As far as I am concerned, You already know what your dealing with, Now just deal with it and move on. I believe you will make the right choice. Sorry for the long narrative. Hope it will help.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

You're already on the slippery slope and heading towards an affair. I find it curious that you've always been in a male dominated field, so you should be used to men flirting with you, yet why is this guy different? I don't see anywhere in your post that you've communicated with your husband about your HD. You need to keep the lines of communications open.

And this Guy is doing the slow play. See, since you have not outright shot him down, he sees that you're possibly interested, which you are at this point since you can't stop thinking about him. Pretty soon he's going to start talking to you more. Then ask you out to a work lunch, etc.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Keep your moral standards up and realize that it's just your hormones craving some variety.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I'll say this right off the bat 

Your excuses about your husband about what you are contemplating are zero valid

You need to do two things today.

to Guy : I can see what you are doing and although I can feel I might like that attention in another life, I am married, love my husband, so you can FK OFF 

Yes those are the words to make him understand. To really understand - to give up the ghost that you are slowly putting on his plate 

If it's in a more placatory tone then the message your are giving is the opposite it's 'I _have_ to say this although, I don't really want to - _I like it_ and actually if you keep persisting and _you have a good chance_ of there being an 'us' 

*There's NO middle ground here NONE - tell him to fk off.*

Then you go back to your husband and tell him exactly what has happened and that you have nipped it in the bud before anything did happen. And most importantly of all you demand from your husband that you two communicate either in or out of counseling and why you feel about Guy like you do 

Kids?

Being open and honest will get you a lot of points especially at the stage you are at with this.
You let this go just a bit further and you will be largely 'over' with your husband and a can of worms will become a lake of deceit 
I'd also make strong efforts to change your work schedule or even your job because that will also make you husband know you are genuine

*This is an opportunity for your core honesty to save you before the abyss swallows you up * 

Today - now !


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

At the VERY VERY least:

1. No lunches
2. No Happy Hours
3. No alone time of any kind
4. Make sure you don't sit together at meetings. Go out of your way to make sure Guy sees that you are doing this.

It may be "harmless" right now, but it is dangerous.

What have you and your H done with regard to your sexual disconnect? That's where you should put your energy.

NG = National Guardsman?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

NG = Nice Guy

Meh


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Slippery slope... Very slippery slope.

No other way to say it: continue to engage him in any way to the peril of your marriage.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

Oh please girl, stop and think and listen to the wise and experienced people here.

Affairs cannot be rationalized or (really and truly) overcome. At least that's the impression I've gotten over the past 2 weeks reading voraciously here.

If you commit either an emotional or physical affair, you will regret it for the rest of your long life.

As someone who was in a position like you, I'm praying for you right now.

How can I help you here? Please let me know.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Thank you, everyone. Yes, I get what you all are saying. I have been communicating my issues with my husband. He says he is "just not affectionate". He didn't have a problem with it when we were dating, though. 

I am planning the talk with him for this weekend. However, I have not spoken to Guy. I have not had the same level of interaction with him as many others have had with their "OMs". What if I am imagining all this and he really has no intentions at all. Then, I AM in trouble with HR!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

He is playing you. He is hoping by helping you in your career talking you up that your panties will drop for him. When he is finished with you he will move on leaving your life in shambles.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Thank you, everyone. Yes, I get what you all are saying. I have been communicating my issues with my husband. He says he is "just not affectionate". He didn't have a problem with it when we were dating, though.
> 
> I am planning the talk with him for this weekend. However, I have not spoken to Guy. I have not had the same level of interaction with him as many others have had with their "OMs". What if I am imagining all this and he really has no intentions at all. Then, I AM in trouble with HR!


Speak to Guy with your actions--by avoiding time alone with him or even in his proximity if you can help it. If he presses you on this (via email, say), then give him the "I'm not comfortable with where this seems to be going" speech. If he comes back with a Lee-ish "special connection" appeal, then give him the Kendall laugh treatment.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Low drive is hard to live with. The problem is that people with genuine low drive do not even think they are causing a problem.
On the whole being rejected hurts, if this goes on for a long time then one becomes resentful and silent. The rejections piling up like unopened bills.

Then a smile. A glance, someone noticing you. For that moment you feel desired. You feel that feeling you so wanted from your partner and it never came.

You are easy to spot. You are a very easy target.

Many marriages end due to sex ( or rather lack of it ) and this is reasonable but don't do it like this.

You have probably tried to talk, cajole, entice and demand and all to no avail. Now is the time to tell your Husband. He needs to know he is on a knife edge and that the marriage is near its end unless the real problem is addressed. 

Speak up. Talk to him and tell him about the Guy. 

In the meantime avoid the pain you are about to inflict on yourself and your Husband and avoid eye contact. That is all it takes.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

itsmyturn01 said:


> TWhat if I am imagining all this and he really has no intentions at all. Then, I AM in trouble with HR!


Your not imagining it.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

A girl in a male dominated field.
Yes, most of the men secretly want to bang you.
Some not so secretly.

You are suffering from shiny new toy syndrome.
Most people want a new car every 2 years.

Work with your husband to attain the marriage that you need, or else start the process of divorce.

Why you think cheating solves anything is beyond me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

"I have a husband who is a NG."

Sorry, NG = ?


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> "I have a husband who is a NG."
> 
> Sorry, NG = ?


Nice Guy?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

itsmyturn01 said:


> We have gone together to lunch only once, and that was in a group. Nothing at all since, except that we have been to two happy hours where he likes to talk up my talents.


 Be careful because he might be interested in knowing about any other talents you have. Play with fire, you get burned.

Maybe you should do the same thing that Kendall did and let him read your thread.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You make no mention of children. I take it there are none. If you husband is low drive but you love him you should find some way to communicate your need for more sex. I am not certain that talking is the best approach if it is confrontational, he may feel worse.

MC is also an option. If all else fails, divorce.

Don't start an affair.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Hicks said:


> Why you think cheating solves anything is beyond me.


Don't think she said anything like this.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Thank you, everyone. Yes, I get what you all are saying. I have been communicating my issues with my husband. He says he is "just not affectionate". He didn't have a problem with it when we were dating, though.
> 
> I am planning the talk with him for this weekend. However, I have not spoken to Guy. I have not had the same level of interaction with him as many others have had with their "OMs". What if I am imagining all this and he really has no intentions at all. Then, I AM in trouble with HR!


It sounds like you're a very valuable person to your company. I don't think HR is going to come down on you for telling a guy who's overly flirting with you to stop.

It kinda sounds like to me that other people "noticing how your eyes locked" as he was just passing by a meeting he wasn't even a part of could do a lot more to interfere with you career than putting a stop to his flirting. Rumors could get started.

At least that's the way it would work at my company, I think.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

If you sit in the barber's chair, you can't be shocked when your hair gets cut. You control your situation. Not your husband. Not Guy. You. Temptation always looks great until it is too late. And you are allowing yourself to think about it. That's the first step. If you keep down this path, it will lead to trouble. 

If you are worried about your job, just make sure you are sending clear signals to this Guy that you are not interested. Then start working with your husband to better your relationship. I think the best defense is a rock solid marriage at home.

Good luck!


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Thanks for your continued support. Yes, i am taking the avoidance/no to low contact approach with Guy. I'm getting coffee in a different location, avoiding walking past his desk, etc. Of course, just doing this one day doesn't fix anything. I decided that i won't let him manipulate me, either. 

No, i didn't say that cheating was a solution. I know it isn't. Why do you think i even bothered to seek out this site, Hicks?

No kids. Unless you count my stepdaughter. She is 18 and out of the house. I've never wanted kids, but married my husband because i love him. But, my SD and i never really got along.

Like i said earlier, I'll have the talk and tell him everything. He is a nice, patient man and i do love him. Just been feeling neglected...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Thanks for your continued support. Yes, i am taking the avoidance/no to low contact approach with Guy. I'm getting coffee in a different location, avoiding walking past his desk, etc. Of course, just doing this one day doesn't fix anything. I decided that i won't let him manipulate me, either.
> 
> No, i didn't say that cheating was a solution. I know it isn't. Why do you think i even bothered to seek out this site, Hicks?
> 
> ...


Hey itsmyturn01,

LD low drive means low sex drive, I assume? Yes?

If so, have your husband get checked for low testosterone. My sister's husband went through depression, low sex drive, couldn't sleep well, was always tired, etc. He got his testosterone checked and it was way low. 

He now takes weekly testosterone injections (given by my sister at home), and he's once again happy very much driven, like an 18 year old again. And my sister is loving it.

Give it a try. It can't hurt to look into it.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

itsmyturn01 said:


> I am almost annoyed by the fact that Guy seeks me out at work.


Please don't try to kid us. The above statement doesn't jive with the next.




> Yet, I think about him lots. I know it's bad for me, for my H and for my job.


If you were truly annoyed by this, then you wouldn't be worrying about the consequences of something that hasn't happened yet.

So what do you do? Ignore him, simple as that. And if he ever starts coming around and more non-work related discussion goes on, you need to stop him in his tracks and tell him you are married and anything other than work related discussion is inappropriate.

But I don't see a question here, just your story. Is there something you want to ask us?


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Yes. He's low T. Hasn't wanted to do anything about it. Maybe that will change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

vellocet said:


> Please don't try to kid us. The above statement doesn't jive with the next.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Vellocet, sorry that i didn't phrase my post in the of a question. I was just stating my feelings and looking for a sounding board. I didn't realize this was Jeopardy! That's all i plan to say to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

itsmyturn01 said:


> What if I am imagining all this and he really has no intentions at all.


Guy's intentions, like any other man is to give you the D and I don't mean divorce. Giving the chance he will talk you up and continue to blow smoke up your asss until he thinks you are under his spell then boom, you are his F' buddy.

Its a trap, when a man pursues a married woman he is only motivated by sex. If he wanted a real relationship he's pursue a single woman. "Guys" will say or do just about anything to get you into the bedroom/hotel. 

My FWW was in a similar situation a few years back. She was naïve enough to buy what the other man was selling and learned the hard way. My W was around 40 and the OM was 60 and married, the last person I thought she would be interested in but I was “neglectful” and he was telling her everything she wanted to hear (on purpose, he knew what he was doing). Same old story.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Yes. He's low T. Hasn't wanted to do anything about it. Maybe that will change.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, I'll bet by the time he took just 4 weekly injections, he would be all over you.

You can use gels and other T delivery methods, but injections are the cheapest way. And they maintain very consistent T levels. And he wouldn't have the hassle of applying the gels every day.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Kendall said:


> Wow, I'll bet by the time he took just 4 weekly injections, he would be all over you.
> 
> You can use gels and other T delivery methods, but injections are the cheapest way. And they maintain very consistent T levels. And he wouldn't have the hassle of applying the gels every day.


Before anyone asks, yes, this is confirmed by a dr and not something i am guessing about. 

Thanks for the helpful info, Kendall.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

ArmyofJuan said:


> My W was around 40


Yep.....yep,yep,yep,yep. Sigh.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

Just get him to agree to try the injections for one month, with the understanding that he can quit after that if he wants. He won't quit. I think I can say that with certainty. Not once his depression improves, and he really enjoys having lots of great sex again.

This could be the solution for you two to get it back.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

Kendall said:


> Just get him to agree to try the injections for one month, with the understanding that he can quit after that if he wants. He won't quit. I think I can say that with certainty. Not once his depression improves, and he really enjoys having lots of great sex again.
> 
> This could be the solution for you two to get it back.


And dont approach it as if its his problem that you are trying to help him with. This is also a problem for you. If he wants the marriage to be successful, then you need him to do this for you. If he cares about you and sees this issue as something that is effecting you, maybe he'll me more apt to do something about it.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Vellocet, sorry that i didn't phrase my post in the of a question. I was just stating my feelings and looking for a sounding board. I didn't realize this was Jeopardy! That's all i plan to say to you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Was just wondering what you were looking for, or if there was any advice, which I gave, but you apparently didn't like. Sorry.

If you don't want to hear from someone that has been in your husband's shoes(but more to the extreme than your husband) and don't want to know what your husband more than likely would think about the situation, then ok. Perhaps wondering what your husband might think isn't a priority to you while telling your story.

So you just want to tell your story, blame it on your husband's "LD"? Ok, then.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01,

I was just wondering, have you considered inviting your husband to read this thread? You may have addressed this in an earlier post, but I don't remember seeing it.

Having Wilson read my thread was the turning point in making our marriage problems virtually disappear.

The good people here would jump at the chance to give your husband the best advice possible.

Please know I'm very much pulling for you two. You can make it work. You can.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

happi_g_more2 said:


> And dont approach it as if its his problem that you are trying to help him with. This is also a problem for you. If he wants the marriage to be successful, then you need him to do this for you. If he cares about you and sees this issue as something that is effecting you, maybe he'll me more apt to do something about it.


I would agree. If he refuses to take the T therapy, then he's denying you the husband you deserve. Make him see that if at all possible.

There's no way he can be vastly under sexed and you over sexed at your ages and make this marriage work over the long term. You absolutely need sexual satisfaction from your husband.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

No, I am not blaming his LD for my situation. I did mention that I have low self-esteem. I always have. I married the first man who asked me back when I was 20. This might sound very dumb, but I figured no one else would ever ask me that question. Anyway, it was a 4-yr mistake. And, no, I didn't love that guy. Not at all. I just thought, "This person is interested in me..." STUPID.

I also mentioned, but did not make the direct connection, that I might be seeking attention. I assure all of you that I get it. This is my doing and not anyone else's. 

Sorry for ruffling feathers, but I don't really post on forums of any kind, so it will take some getting used to on my part.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

So your current husband is at least number 2 then?


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Uh, yes. Current husband is #2. I left #1 because all he did was go to college on my dollar, among MANY other things. I left when he quit his third job in a row without telling me. When I found out, I confronted him and said I was done. I then spent about 4 hours with him holding a kitchen knife and blocking my path out the front door. Yeah...

#2 is nothing like #1 was.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01,

Give us an update whenever it's convenient for you. We're all concerned and hoping for the best for you.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Good that you are trying to address this before it gets worse.

I hope your H wakes up and you are able to realize the OM at work is a POS.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01,

Are you still with us? I hope things are going well for you.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Yes, I am still here! 

I spent some time speaking with a very good friend of mine who has been in the same situation. She encouraged me to seek MC with H, which we have set up. She also encouraged me to not say anything about Guy unless H doesn't want to resolve our current issues. She told her H and wishes she had waited.

As for Guy, I have gone NC, but it has not been easy. 

I've been hesitant to update here, as I don't think many will agree with my approach. I assure you that I've put a lot of thought into it, and I thank you all for you advice.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Yes, I am still here!
> 
> I spent some time speaking with a very good friend of mine who has been in the same situation. She encouraged me to seek MC with H, which we have set up. She also encouraged me to not say anything about Guy unless H doesn't want to resolve our current issues.


Here is the problem with that. If your H doesn't know the complete truth, then he'll think he is the only one with the problem. Its up to you how you handle it, but don't make your H think he is the one that needs to put in the work here. (not saying that is how you are going to go about it, just saying don't do that to him)

I can only state it from my point of view. If a wife/gf of mine brought to light issues that need to be worked on, and led me to believe it is my fault or I'm the only one doing wrong in the relationship, and I didn't know any better, then I'd listen and would end up working towards being a better man for her.

But if I ended up busting my hump because I was gaslighted only to find out my wife/gf also had some things that needed to be addressed, I'd be pissed.

Granted, since nothing physically happened between you and Guy its a tad different, but you do have feelings for this guy and that needs to be worked on.

I guess in a nutshell what I'm saying is, don't let your H think that problems in your marriage are one sided. Not sure how you do that without being honest with him, but I've seen people on here that either developed feelings for someone else, or flat out cheated, and decided not to come clean about their betrayal, then make their spouse think they are the problem.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01 said:


> Yes, I am still here!
> 
> I spent some time speaking with a very good friend of mine who has been in the same situation. She encouraged me to seek MC with H, which we have set up. She also encouraged me to not say anything about Guy unless H doesn't want to resolve our current issues. She told her H and wishes she had waited.
> 
> ...


Good luck and keep us updated. When does MC start? Do you plan to tell the MC about Guy?


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## MadMax (Jan 31, 2014)

For low T if he doesn't like injections there are alternatives a patch, cream, or a pill called clomid.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

vellocet, I understand what you mean. Before I even brought up the topics that I've raised here, we had an incident where he rejected me. I guess my reaction was more outward than it had been before and it caused him to ask me if his rejecting me was an issue for me. I told him it was and I also told him that I'm concerned that I feel like I might be seeking the attention of other men. I explained an incident that happened to me on Saturday at the post office (Completely random and not Guy) where a very handsome guy was very obviously staring at me. I basically got a high from it and told H as much. Well, that set things in motion...

Guy and I have not spoken or written one inappropriate word to each other. As I have said, I think I could be imagining it, and I just don't see the point in bringing it up. I think it could be detrimental because, you see, work is where I met H. I don't want him thinking the worse if nothing's happened.

MC to start next week. No, I will probably not tell MC about Guy, either. Honestly, I don't trust shrinks. I'm putting more stock in open lines of communication at home and in medical doctors (for lowT).


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Thanks, MadMax


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

itsmyturn01 said:


> vellocet, I understand what you mean. Before I even brought up the topics that I've raised here, we had an incident where he rejected me. I guess my reaction was more outward than it had been before and it caused him to ask me if his rejecting me was an issue for me. I told him it was and I also told him that I'm concerned that I feel like I might be seeking the attention of other men. I explained an incident that happened to me on Saturday at the post office (Completely random and not Guy) where a very handsome guy was very obviously staring at me. I basically got a high from it and told H as much. Well, that set things in motion...


Does this mean he realizes he needs to do some work in the marriage and that now you also have some problems you need to work on?

Or by setting things in motion do you mean arguing or something?

Still not sure how reconciliation works without complete honesty, I'm still a little concerned that your H may come out of this thinking the burden of the problems in the marriage are his.


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## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

itsmyturn01 said:


> vellocet, I understand what you mean. Before I even brought up the topics that I've raised here, we had an incident where he rejected me. I guess my reaction was more outward than it had been before and it caused him to ask me if his rejecting me was an issue for me. I told him it was and I also told him that I'm concerned that I feel like I might be seeking the attention of other men. I explained an incident that happened to me on Saturday at the post office (Completely random and not Guy) where a very handsome guy was very obviously staring at me. I basically got a high from it and told H as much. Well, that set things in motion...
> 
> Guy and I have not spoken or written one inappropriate word to each other. As I have said, I think I could be imagining it, and I just don't see the point in bringing it up. I think it could be detrimental because, you see, work is where I met H. I don't want him thinking the worse if nothing's happened.
> 
> MC to start next week. No, I will probably not tell MC about Guy, either. Honestly, I don't trust shrinks. I'm putting more stock in open lines of communication at home and in medical doctors (for lowT).


Cool. Sounds like you've thought it all through. Best of luck to you! Keep us updated.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

No, we are not arguing. We had a series of very good, honest talks. My H knows my self-esteem issues and I have made sure he knows they are MY issues, not his. I am fully prepared to discuss these with the MC. I just don't think that a particular "idea" in my head about Guy has to come into play. Maybe I will let it out. For now, I am thinking I will not. We'll see, though.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

You know the problem. Your husband has low sex drive and you have low self esteem and want attention. Knowing the problem is half the battle. Now you both have to do something to improve those issues.

I hope that the MC helps you two to get better in those areas. If the mC does not help you then do not stop; keep searching for help, and take the right actios so that you both can get better. If you do not your tempatations will come back and maybe even stronger.

*Finding the causes and communcation are the key but the right ACTIONS wll use the key to open the door to a better marriage*.


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## itsmyturn01 (Feb 9, 2014)

Thanks, Mr. Blunt.


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