# No sex in marriage



## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

I am a first time poster. Nice to meet you all.
There is no sex in my marriage. We are lucky if we engage in sex once a month. It gets hard dealing with this. I don't work. Maybe that's a problem. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Nice to meet you all.


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## Trumpet (Nov 2, 2011)

I'd say the first step is to talk to your wife (I'm assuming you're a man) about it and let them know you would like to be having sex more often. They might not know it's actually a problem for you depending on how busy the rest of life is, or may not have noticed how infrequent it is ... some people don't keep great track of things like that and it may only "seem" like a week or two to them until they'd really sit down and try to remember, then relate it to some other activity or event (like when mom came for a visit last month) and then it'll dawn on them it's been quite a long time.

Less direct ways that may help get everything going again include but are not limited to: dating again, gifts, setting the mood with something elaborate / even cheesy, doing something for them that will intentionally free up stress-free alone time for you as a couple, etc...

Not sure what age range we're talking about here either, but there could always be a hormonal component to this assuming sex drive is the root issue. Stress and medications can affect drive also.

More information is necessary to give any specific feedback, otherwise I'm just throwing out general stuff that may or may not even be close to something that will help out, but maybe any or some of that will be of assistance.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

How do you go about initiating sex?


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

Yes I am a man. I can't buy my wife gifts because she doesn't like it when I spend money, even on her. I am unemployed so that's a strain. I think a respect issue or lack thereof exists. I initiate sexy by primarily begging and planning.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

AnotherEarthling said:


> I initiate sexy by primarily begging and planning.


Begging and Pleading is not going to get it. 

How often do you give her a deep kiss? Not by asking but just going for the kiss. How does she respond? How long does she hold it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

5 Love Languages. No More Mr. Nice Guy. Getting the Love You Want.

All 3 books may be in your local library.

Oh, and go find a job! Any job. Something that brings in some money while you're out finding an even better job.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> initiate sexy by primarily begging and planning.


!!!!!!!
Oh hell no

Please read:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/33247-tips-my-bros.html


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Not working yes is a major problem.
Biologicially women are attracted to successful providers.


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

Kobo said:


> How often do you give her a deep kiss? Not by asking but just going for the kiss. How does she respond? How long does she hold it.


I am ashamed to say we hardly kiss. When I do kiss her she kind of looks grossed out.  I am serious. I used to be a lot better looking than I am now. Woman have always considered me attractive. I'm no runway model by any means. But women enjoyed kissing me when I was single. My wife used to enjoy kissing me. But that stopped when we got married. Perhaps it's the unemployment thing. I am not sure. There are times I don't want to kiss her either. But she really doesn't want to kiss me.

And I do have the book No More Mr. Nice Guy.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

AnotherEarthling said:


> I am a first time poster. Nice to meet you all.
> There is no sex in my marriage. We are lucky if we engage in sex once a month. It gets hard dealing with this. I don't work. Maybe that's a problem. Does anyone have any suggestions?
> Nice to meet you all.


You say there is no sex in your marriage then you say you have it once a month. For people in REAL sexless marriages who haven't had sex in 5, 10, 15 years, your complaints seem pretty lame.

Your marriage is either sexless or it isn't.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hicks said:


> Not working yes is a major problem.
> Biologicially women are attracted to successful providers.


This. If she is the primary source of income, she could be very stressed. That plus the lack of respect for you builds up resentment.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Mr B said:


> You say there is no sex in your marriage then you say you have it once a month. For people in REAL sexless marriages who haven't had sex in 5, 10, 15 years, your complaints seem pretty lame.
> 
> Your marriage is either sexless or it isn't.


It's all relative to what they had in the beginning...or what a person expects.

If my husband and I suddenly went to once a month, I would consider it "sexless" and there would be things to talk about with him.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Mr B said:


> You say there is no sex in your marriage then you say you have it once a month. For people in REAL sexless marriages who haven't had sex in 5, 10, 15 years, your complaints seem pretty lame.
> 
> Your marriage is either sexless or it isn't.


Sex 12 times a year is lame. The 'official' definition of a sexless marriage is 10 times a year or less, according to the numbers, this reflects between 15 and 20 percent of the married population.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Sex 12 times a year is lame. The 'official' definition of a sexless marriage is 10 times a year or less, according to the numbers, this reflects between 15 and 20 percent of the married population.



It's worse than lame. Let's say you have sex once a week. If a month has 30 days You will be having sex on only 15 percent of the days available in that month. So you promise to spend your life together and then only really connect on such a small percentage of that time. Only 12 times a year doesn't even seem possible to me.


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## AnotherEarthling (Oct 31, 2011)

There is still no sex. Even I am becoming too tired to try to have sex. I think my wife has trained me not to have sex. It's so selfish. It's so sad that we hardly have a sex life. MY WIFE HAS BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE AS SHE GOT OLDER! It's such a shame we are letting this beautiful part of our life go by. :scratchhead:


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Whether or not you choose to 'let it go by' is up to you.

Stay in the marriage and fight to change it. Or, leave the marriage and look to rekindle that part of your life with someone else.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Download a free copy of Dr Rober Glover's book 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by clicking said title below my signature.

You can't change your wife but you can certainly change you. Cliche? You bet but it is still the truth.


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## Enon (Jan 10, 2012)

Ok, I have read this, a few times to get a grasp on the situation. Here is my issue, sorry to add fuel to the fire. My wife and I have been together for 9 years. For the last 6 years, our sex life has dwindled. I will not say to nothing, because this is not a fact. Every time we have discussed the issue of our sex life, we both end up yelling and I just leave the house. The last time we "discussed" this issue, she was appalled at the fact that I told her the EXACT number of times any sexual encounter occurred. This was nine times. For the last year she has been having periods about every two weeks and has blatantly lied about looking for a doctor. She finally found one, which I (as bad as it sounds) verified with the doctor. Now she is setting appointments and rescheduling them. This is well after our sex life has came to a crawl. I am about to tell her that she has X amount of months before I file for divorce because, quite frankly, I am tired of fighting about it. For the last 5 years, I have stopped initiating sex all together because of the dreaded "not tonight". As I see it, this marriage is dead. Any advice?


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