# I am angry - Advice Please!!!



## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

I've posted before. My husband is having an affair with a girl 14 years his junior!

I've asked him to leave, he hasn't. I've been trying to find out who her boyfriend is, I've been on her professional profile this morning on LINKEDIN and she has just text my phone! and said "I've noticed you've looked at my Linkedin profile. If you ever want to talk let me know"! 

I am fuming, cheeky *h*re!!!

What should I do?????????


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I wouldn't say a word to her.

Keep looking until you find what you need.
Exposing her is only message you need to send her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> What should I do?????????


On Linkedin can she erase what you write? If not, go to Linkedin and post. "We both fvck my husband"

Wow. Divorce him. He's disgusting. Court order him out?


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## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't want to talk to her at this moment. Texts are flying back and forth with my husband. He is crapping his self. It's the first time she or me have made contact.

I feel she is being ****y and I want to kick her a*se!!!

I am fuming!!!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> I've posted before. My husband is having an affair with a girl 14 years his junior!
> 
> I've asked him to leave, he hasn't. I've been trying to find out who her boyfriend is, I've been on her professional profile this morning on LINKEDIN and she has just text my phone! and said "I've noticed you've looked at my Linkedin profile. If you ever want to talk let me know"!
> 
> ...


How did she get your number (assuming it is different from your H)?

Personally, I would not give her the power over you by complying with her request that you "let her know". Instead, I would find other means (first) to find out more about her through internet searches. I would not respond to her at all. Is there any way you can learn more about her through your H and the sources he uses to contact her?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ignore her. A ****ing contest between you and her is not going to solve your problem. 

Repeat: *Ignore her.*


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Don't ask him to leave. Kick him out. Just kick him out.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

If you can't figure out who her husband is on your own, then hire a PI, it's worth the money.

You are married to your husband, that is a contract that the law and society recognise. If you and he get divorced, then will be many implications including financial, social, etc. that you will have to deal with. 

I would use the Stalin's scorched earth policy here. If he is doing an exit affiar, the sooner you get this woman out of the pciture so that you and he can just split up things and depart the better.....

If he is just fishing, the sooner she is out of the picture, the sooner you can decide whether reconciliation is worth it. Don't ever let the other woman make you back down for any reason.......


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> I don't want to talk to her at this moment. Texts are flying back and forth with my husband. He is crapping his self. It's the first time she or me have made contact.
> 
> I feel she is being ****y and I want to kick her a*se!!!
> 
> I am fuming!!!


Perhaps you are "fuming" at the wrong person. Is your H not texting (replying) to her? Does that nor suggest that he is conspiring with her and trying to cover their tracks?

I would suggest that you focus on your WS instead of the OW for now. It appears she has something to hide if her concerns with your research is resulting in contacting your H. Use that. Remain calm. They are in panic mode. There has to be a reason. You need to know the reason in order to proceed. You can always get her back later. For now, stay calm, observe and research.


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## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

She saw that I looked at her profile and then she text me on my mobile phone!! I've had her number for a long while and it was only a threat to him. I rang her number one night/ early hours of the morning with temper and she never answered.

Next day she sent a text to my H saying "is this your WIFE'S number!! She's kept it and now she texts me!!!


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Go to the hardware store and buy new deadbolts for your front and back doors. The next time your husband goes out, pack up some of your husband's things in garbage bags and put them outside and install the new locks. If you don't know how to do that, hire a locksmith to come by when he's at work. Voila, he's kicked out.

Ignore the wh0re.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> She saw that I looked at her profile and then she text me on my mobile phone!! I've had her number for a long while and it was only a threat to him. I rang her number one night/ early hours of the morning with temper and she never answered.
> 
> Next day she sent a text to my H saying "is this your WIFE'S number!! She's kept it and now she texts me!!!


The long and short of it is this. She wants to break you two up so she can have him. That is her plan. This is why you find yourself in "crisis mode". This is why you do not need to deal with her, but with your H. What does he want to do? Does he want to dump her and save the marriage or does he want out? That's between the two of you. Please don't let her control you.

As far as whether he leaves the home, offer him an ultimatum. Either he leave or you leave. If he leaves, there is a chance your marriage can be repaired*. If you leave, the marriage is over.

* That's what you tell him in order to get him to leave. Once he leaves, you can still opt for D (just don't let him know that you are considering that particular option if he leaves.)


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

linkedin will always show who tracks you


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He may be panicked about you two talking, but he's also THRILLED to have two women fighting over him. What an ego boost. Could it get any more exciting?

Why give him any satisfaction? Is he worth it? Look what he's doing to you with a much younger woman. Kick him out. Stand up for yourself.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you want to end the marriage, or do you want to try to reconcile? If you want to end the marriage, go talk to a lawyer about your options. You most likely can't force him out, but you can start the process in place to split. 

If you want to reconcile, read the posts in here about busting the affair. Until she's out of the picture, your efforts will be in vain. But you need to focus on HIM. Exposé to his family, your friends, etc. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

Thanks Guys,

My head is in a spin!!! He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!! I went back and said to him" The day you decided to bang that girl was the day it was over!!

I want him to speak to her and ask her why she text me offering to talk to me???? She is taking the PI**!! out of me!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Jax67 said:


> Thanks Guys,
> 
> My head is in a spin!!! He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!! I went back and said to him" *The day you decided to bang that girl was the day it was over!!*
> 
> I want him to speak to her and ask her why she text me offering to talk to me???? She is taking the PI**!! out of me!


good for you. But I would also suggest that if youhave something to say to this woman,go ahead and say it. This willbe the only time you can do it. So don't regret it. You are his wife and with marriage comes a few assumptions about what your relationship means. This is one of the advantages of marriage.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> Thanks Guys,
> 
> My head is in a spin!!! *He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!! *I went back and said to him" The day you decided to bang that girl was the day it was over!!
> 
> I want him to speak to her and ask her why she text me offering to talk to me???? She is taking the PI**!! out of me!


I would tell him to pack his bags! 

Please. Jax. Try not to focus on HER at the moment. Look at what your H is doing. He is willing to toss your marriage for HER. You can hate her later. You can do whatever to her later. Right now, you need to stand up for yourself and just tell him to leave. You will NOT be second to ANY woman. Period.

I've been there Jax. I know what you are feeling. You can deal with the OW later. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Remember that. You really need to focus on your H. His words. His actions. You need to let him know that you will not tolerate another woman in your marriage. If he doesn't like it, he can leave.

I truly feel for your pain. I'm so sorry you are going through this.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jax67

How long have you two been married? Any children?

Do you live in a "no fault" State, or can you use infidelity as a reason for your D, if you choose to go that route?

The reasons I ask those particular questions is that this A of his may just cost him plenty in the long run (which is leverage for you under the circumstances).


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> ,,, He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!!


You should text back, "Is that all it will take to get you to leave? Great, I'm in."

And then you text her, "He's all yours. You have no idea the favor I'm doing you. He's a real prize."


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Listen to alte Dame, tough love.
Tell him to go for her, they are the perfect match.
Pack his stuff in garvbge bags, kick him out, go dark on him.
Expose him to every single person whose respect he looks after, specially those he's hiding the current situation.
Embrace, life the 180.
Talk to a lawyer ASAP.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Tell him to go for her, they are the perfect match.
> Pack his stuff in garvbge bags, kick him out, go dark on him.
> Expose him to every single person whose respect he looks after, specially those he's hiding the current situation.
> Embrace, life the 180.
> Talk to a lawyer ASAP.


^^^ Please listen to this!


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## doc_martin (Oct 19, 2012)

I agree with the above. Those in the affair are in a fog, but we BS are also in our own fog, many times. 

You can't reason him out of this mess. You can't love him out of this mess. You can't be patient enough and hope he comes to his senses. 

He needs to hit rock bottom all by himself. Right now he is dragging you into HIS abyss. It's his game he created. DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME! remove yourself from his rules and his game. 

180! 180! 180! 

Once you remove yourself for a little bit, accept that he is gone, you may be surprised by what happens next. Both in how you feel about the situation, and about how he behaves. You're getting good advice from those who have come before you. I can only offer what not to do... I played along and in the end it killed my marriage. Don't do it.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Honestly I wouldn't even pay her any mind. That anger should be 95% focused on your husband. Unless she held a gun to his head and forced him to **** her, what he chose to do is on him. She's a POS and that's pretty much all their is to it. She doesn't give a **** about you, your feelings, or your marriage. She doesn't owe you anything. That's on your husband. Block her cell number and file for divorce.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jax67 said:


> I don't want to talk to her at this moment. Texts are flying back and forth with my husband. He is crapping his self. It's the first time she or me have made contact.
> 
> I feel she is being ****y and I want to kick her a*se!!!
> 
> I am fuming!!!


Can you send a message to her and all her friends on there? If so sent as suggested above.


"We both fvck my husband"

ok jk (maybe)


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Jax67 said:


> Thanks Guys,
> 
> My head is in a spin!!!* He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!!* I went back and said to him" The day you decided to bang that girl was the day it was over!!
> 
> I want him to speak to her and ask her why she text me offering to talk to me???? She is taking the PI**!! out of me!


Wow just wow! He really thinks he is holding all the cards here doesn't he.

Take him to task and have his stuff sitting outside when he comes home. He can go stay with her.

He really does have some nerve thinking he can just waltz back in the door each day after saying that.


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## canadiangirl (Apr 24, 2012)

Lawyer up. Now. He's done with your marriage. He's defending her over you. My husband did the same thing! Defended his AP to me....told me I'd better stop being so angry towards her f!uck that!


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

if she's being "cheeky," i suggest you "out" her on the social media outlets she subscribes to. that'll put a damper on her day. 

let everyone, including family & friends, know her true character. that's what these people despise the most; their precious reputations being dragged through the mud.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I do agree with outing her to everyone you can. Surely someone knows her husband/bf and will tell him. Shoot he might be one of her contacts on social media.

I guess that I would respond to her.... and i'd tell her that I have been telling him to leave for a long time because of the affair but he refuses to leave ME. So please take him, he's yours. I don't want a lying, cheating husband. Apparently you have low standards and that's your type so please, please take him.

That should cause a big fight between the two of them.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> Surely someone knows her husband/bf and will tell him. Shoot he might be one of her contacts on social media.


exactly my point. 

she needs to be exposed. why wait? 


this woman can't be trusted to tell the BS the truth. she is the enemy and should be treated as so.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Jax67 said:


> Thanks Guys,
> 
> My head is in a spin!!! He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!! I went back and said to him" The day you decided to bang that girl was the day it was over!!
> 
> I want him to speak to her and ask her why she text me offering to talk to me???? She is taking the PI**!! out of me!


That is like an incentive..

could it be that she was lied to by your H?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Could be that he's lying to her about the state of your relationship. I think you should call her to see if he's been lying to her.


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## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

Hi All,
I’m back at work today; my PC has broken at home so I couldn’t up-date Friday evening or over the weekend.

Firstly, I’d like to thank you for making me feel that I could just come on here and vent off to you all like that on Friday in the midst of it all. It was sincerely appreciated. I was SO angry as you know.

He is moving out on Friday!

I didn’t go back to her, but it did prove to me how brazen she actually is. She works in sales and not “all” but most people in the sales field, certainly which I know, are naturally pushy and manipulating, to do their job well which I understand. 

However, this explains a lot for me. H has always been the dominant one and liked to be in charge, (which he still thinks he is). The point I am trying to make is because his depression has made him weak minded and he has suffered depression throughout their affair (she doesn’t know about the depression). This explains the way he has been. I feel she is in the driving seat and he is going along with that at the moment. 
He went to see a psychiatrist and has been taking meds now for 8 weeks, so they are just about now starting to kick in. He does cry a lot when we are discussing things at home, so I know he still has the depression. 

I told him I was p*ssed with him for not having a go at her for texting me and he said “she didn’t meant anything sinister!” I said to him “hold on a minute, this woman is having an affair with you! Don’t you get it?” He doesn’t, that’s just the weird thing!! I know he is in the FOG – clearly!! I told him I wouldn’t be fighting for him anymore and he cried!! I don’t get it?

When he left for work this morning I said to him. “Two things I would like to say” 1. “I feel that you have lost your dominance and I feel this girl has taken over your power! And number 2. “I would have never ever disrespected your ex if that had been the situation and I would never have wanted to hurt her like she has tried to hurt me – BECAUSE! Once upon a time you wouldn’t have liked or thought that kind of behaviour was acceptable at all!! He left the house crying – again!!!!

So once he leaves Friday, I’ll be doing the 180, going dark the lot. He just doesn’t know what he’s doing, apart from getting manipulated by some young thing. I am tired of it all.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> Hi All,
> I’m back at work today; my PC has broken at home so I couldn’t up-date Friday evening or over the weekend.
> 
> Firstly, I’d like to thank you for making me feel that I could just come on here and vent off to you all like that on Friday in the midst of it all. It was sincerely appreciated. I was SO angry as you know.
> ...


You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, in spite of the pain you are going through. I don't understand the WSs thought processes either. 

My STBXH seemed to want me to fight for him, and cried when it appeared I no longer cared to. What he didn't "get" was the damage that his affairs caused ME (to my emotions, my security etc.) and that it was up to HIM to fight for ME. I suppose that yours is going through a similar experience. They cheated. Why should we be expected to repair the damage?

Maybe when he is gone, and you are working on the 180, he will wake up and realize the damage he caused to the marriage. Maybe not. But, by implementing the 180 and working on yourself, you will find the strength to move forward with your future plans.


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## Jax67 (Jan 17, 2013)

H is leaving on Friday to live on his own and I’d like to give him a brief positive departing speech Thursday evening, something that will pack a punch and make him think. (Any ideas?)

I told him the fact that the O/W felt she could disrespect me with the text last week and him not sticking up for me was the icing on the cake for me and I get the feeling now he wishes she hadn’t of sent the text and that he should have said something to her then, but it does seem she is in charge.

Little does he know, but I am off to Germany for a long weekend the early hours of Friday morning so I will be gone when he gets up . I’m not hanging around to cry and be sad all weekend.


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## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Jax67 said:


> Thanks Guys,
> 
> My head is in a spin!!! He is texting me saying that if I contact her, I will never see him again and it's over!! I went back and said to him" The day you decided to bang that girl was the day it was over!!
> 
> I want him to speak to her and ask her why she text me offering to talk to me???? She is taking the PI**!! out of me!


Deep breaths Jax. He is terrified that she would tell you something he prefers you don't know. Much as it doesn't feel like it, you are in the driving seat of this situation.

What evidence do you have that he is having an affair? As for finding her husband, this is really not so hard and if you need help with that, drop me a PM. 

On no account contact this woman. She is beneath you and you do not speak to amoebic life forms. It is time to turn into a calm sassy lady and start the 180 with your husband. They are both crapping themselves because they have no idea what you are going to do. Let's keep them that way while you gather your evidence and make enquiries with a good lawyer. Like I say - deep breaths, appear calm, however hard it is.


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