# Will it get any better?



## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

My wife had a hysterectomy 4 years ago. Both ovaries were removed. We have not had sex since. She told me straight up that she was done with sex. I really didn't believe that at the time. She says she doesn't think about it any more. I honestly don't think she thinks of me much either. If I ask her about it she gets annoyed and I won't beg for it. I brought up hormones and she shot that down right away. Said they cause breast cancer. I give her a kiss in the morning and that's all the intimacy we have. She never approaches me. It just makes me wonder if she's mad at me about something I did. One thing I did do was go sleep in a separate room when our daughter gave birth. She was living with us at that time. But I have a very demanding job and I'm not young anymore and need my sleep. I've apologized for that and I sleep in the same room with her now but she won't let me back in the bed. She says I crowd her and things like that. I've been extra nice lately and am trying to do all the things a husband might blow off but I'm not getting anywhere with her. Both our grand daughters are here most of the time which I really enjoy. Now I've heard this is all normal and to just let it pass but will it pass? I'm a step father and have no children with her but we've been together since her kids were 2 and 4. 19 years and I just feel like I may loose it all if she decides to part with me. If your a step father you can probably understand this feeling. She's just treating me pretty much how I've been treated at the end of every failed relationship I've had. I scares me. I just can't figure out if this is menopause or if she's trying to push me out in a way so I'll just leave. She still tells me she loves me when I go to work and I fell a couple mornings ago and she came to me fast and concerned. So I just don't know. I like her to come up and smile and give me a kiss but It's been a long time since that happened. She doesn't seem to look at me the same anymore.


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## misis (Jun 3, 2010)

i think she still has feelings for you. but physical intimacy is not the same as it was so many years ago. 
if you can still love her despite the lack of sex, then perhaps things should eventually get better for both of you.


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

It's not just the sex. It's like if you had a friend that was nice to you 1 on 1 but as soon as another one of their friends comes around you get snubbed. That's pretty much how she treats me.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm so sorry. You are a good person for hanging in there, and I honestly don't know how you do it. That situation has got to be tough.

I really believe her problem is hormonal. Insist she find a doctor. Also, try to find one that prescribes the custom hormones. There are some doctors and pharmacies which work together on that. The doctor does lab work and the pharmacy makes a custom hormonal transdermal gel containing exactly what the patient is lacking. This is especially helpful when both ovaries have been removed. I've seen awesome results (& some very satisfied husbands).

At the very least, I would insist on counseling--if she still refuses on the hormones.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I think you are such a sweetheart. But I also think you need some backbone. While I know you don't want to have to give up your family, you shouldn't live afraid to stand up for yourself. You must insist she do something about this. It sounds like she has dismissed hormones outright simply because she heard some of them cause cancer. But there is lots of research on the subject, and she can read up on what is best and least risky. Also, she can look into holistic hormones or herbs.

She may never change her mind, but she should at least make an effort to find out what is available. And you have to stop living as if every breath is her granted favor.


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

Thanks for the replies. It's really hard to talk to her now she just gets angry. She's going on a trip with her Mom and grand parents in July. Two weeks apart would have been unheard of a few years ago. But that's the new her. I'll probably wait to get into it when she gets back. She never came out and told me this but I think part of her behavior might be from me not living a healthier lifestyle. She used to nag me quite a bit. So I'm going to work on that too.


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## livingla (Feb 10, 2010)

Been there. You gotta get her to talk about what's bothering her. Maybe some counseling. Only after my wife decided to leave did she open up with her list -- none of which I wasn't willing to work on.


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

I really can't see her leaving but you never know. Her Mom and Aunt are divorced and she spends a lot of time with them. And they both moved back in with their parents. I wouldn't think she'd want to end up like that but who knows.This has been going on so long it's probably just normal to her. I just got set off when the kids moved out. It was pretty understandable when my step daughter was here for me to stay home if they went somewhere because there was no room in the car. Now if i don't get asked to go somewhere I get a little upset and she looks at me like well you never wanted to go before. I've just become very sensitive lately. I'd like to give her some of my estrogen cause I got way to much:banghead::banghead:


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## crazylady (Jun 12, 2010)

Poor you! I do feel for you - it must be awful feeling the way you do. I have a thought , maybe your wife doesnt feel very feminine after haviing her op? Do you tell her that she is pretty or that she looks fab? Let her know that its not just a sex life you want with her , tell her that you are committed to her and all you ask is to be treated fairly and for her to talk to you, then listen to her.
Maybe you could carry on being there and changing your lifestyle and things wont improve but you will be healthier and maybe will begin to see that there are other options open to you.


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

I'm going to be more aloof, I've already said enough to her. It hurts less everyday anyway. I felt like I lost my best friend for a while but I'm getting over that. I did ditch my friends when I got married and I'll just have to make some new ones. I've already poured my heart out to her. Whatevers bothering her I'll just have to wait until she wants to talk. Now I'm going to give her the old 1000 yd stare and go buy a motorcycle.:smthumbup:


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

*Re: Will it get any better? Update*

Tonight the wife asked me to check her for a hemorroid. Now this is as close to her goodies as I've been for a while. So I checked her out, kept my cool. I did touch her a little more than needed but I didn't make any comments about her pretty anus or try to stick my finger inside. Nor did I let her see that I had a massive erection. Anyway looked like a skin tag but she said she wants to keep an eye on it, cool with me I thought. My plan is to wait a few days and check her again and also check her vagina since she's afraid it might be a wart. I just don't know if this is an invitation to get reacquainted or if I should just be like a doctor and nothing more. If I get close to her vagina I might lose my cool and try to kiss it. This is going against my plan to be distant and aloof.:scratchhead: But I never wanted to do that anyway.


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

My wifes trip to Arizona is a couple weeks away. I told her last night that I'd probably take my vacation then to watch our grand daughters. She's been worried about them being taken care of while she's away. She was happy about it which I knew she would be. I'm just wondering if I should play into her hand like that. I know she wanted me to but she never asked, like she doesn't want to owe me or something? Kind of caught between a rock and a hard place here because those girls mean the world to me. I really feel I should take care of them while she's gone. I can get out of it easy by saying somebody else already put in for those 2 weeks. :scratchhead: Things haven't changed much at all between us other than I'm getting more indifferent everyday. I don't feel shaky and sick inside much anymore.


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