# Tonight I am asking him to leave...



## urnotme (Jun 1, 2012)

Well I have finally decided that I can't continue on like this any longer. The final straw was hearing a conversation he had with his mother calling me names and laughing about how he has money in different bank accounts and is buying and selling things on the side and sending cashiers checks to her. 
I just can't believe the animosity in his voice when he talks about me. And I can't believe my MIL would be treating me like this either, I mean I have been a part of this family for 14 years. I hope he just leaves. I really don't want to fight and drag this out.

I need some support, this is the hardest decision. I am so heart broken. He is gonna regret this some day, I just know he will.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why are you asking him to leave, if you're not happy? Just curious...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

urnotme - sorry to read your marriage is now at this stage. 

Do you have friends/family to support you?

What you heard on the phone makes it sounds as if he is planning to leave anyways... hope it goes ok.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

urnotme

I have just read all your threads and wanted to express my sympathy. I am so sorry for you.

Does your son know what the situation is?

Best wishes for the future whatever happens.


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## urnotme (Jun 1, 2012)

Thanks everyone. My son is aware and so far is showing a lot more maturity that I give him credit for. It still isn't fair to him.

I do believe he is planning on leaving me anyways, but he wants it on his time while he plays games with my head and fattens his wallet. I can't believe that I trusted him enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him. 

I have pleaded and begged with him to work on this marriage for the last year or so and nothing has changed. It only gets worse. I kept making excuses for him and trying to come up with reasonable explanations for his behaviors. 

The hard part to swallow is that we were a great couple once. We had so much fun and really enjoyed life. We had fun raising our son and have been really involved in his sports as a family. 

It's so hard to believe that it really is all over.


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## urnotme (Jun 1, 2012)

PBear, I am asking him to leave because it is my house (from before we met). Trust me, it would be so much easier if I could just pack up and go.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Makes sense to me, although legally he may not have to leave until the divorce is finished. Check with a local lawyer, though. 

Hope things go the way you plan, and sorry you're in that situation. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Ending a marriage, even after one of the partners has checked out, is very painful. You invested yourself in the marriage. You are basically grieving a death.

Please feel free to come on here to vent and ask for support. I've walked a few miles in your shoes. It never gets easier. I really feel for ya ... hang tough. I can tell you, it DOES get better with time.

As suggested, please see a competent family law attorney. Even if your husband is not on the title or mortgage of your home, he has established it as his legal residence. Thus, he is a tenant. Unfortunately, you may have to instigate eviction proceedings. The nuts-and-bolts of this process varies by state.


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## urnotme (Jun 1, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> Ending a marriage, even after one of the partners has checked out, is very painful. You invested yourself in the marriage. You are basically grieving a death.
> 
> Please feel free to come on here to vent and ask for support. I've walked a few miles in your shoes. It never gets easier. I really feel for ya ... hang tough. I can tell you, it DOES get better with time.
> 
> As suggested, please see a competent family law attorney. Even if your husband is not on the title or mortgage of your home, he has established it as his legal residence. Thus, he is a tenant. Unfortunately, you may have to instigate eviction proceedings. The nuts-and-bolts of this process varies by state.


Well I have thought about that and basically he is entitled to half of the interest in the home since our marriage but with the market being what it is that is basically nothing. He has been hiding money and I have proof of that. He also used marital funds on another woman and I have proof of that. He would be responsible for half of my student loans since I went back to nursing school with the intentions of bettering our family. So if he wants to make this difficult it can get very expensive for him. I know I sound like a bit** but he has resources and places to go. I don't want anything from him. Just leave. He can take whatever he wants. He obviously cares more about money than anything else anyways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

urnotme said:


> Well I have finally decided that I can't continue on like this any longer. The final straw was hearing a conversation he had with his mother calling me names and laughing about how he has money in different bank accounts and is buying and selling things on the side and sending cashiers checks to her.
> I just can't believe the animosity in his voice when he talks about me. And I can't believe my MIL would be treating me like this either, I mean I have been a part of this family for 14 years. I hope he just leaves. I really don't want to fight and drag this out.
> 
> I need some support, this is the hardest decision. I am so heart broken. He is gonna regret this some day, I just know he will.


He is gloating because he thinks that he holds all the cards here. I am glad to see that you have decided that he doesnt. Be strong, stick to your guns, and make sure he gets out of your house. Call the sheriff or police department if he refuses to leave. You can do this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> He is gloating because he thinks that he holds all the cards here. I am glad to see that you have decided that he doesnt. Be strong, stick to your guns, and make sure he gets out of your house. Call the sheriff or police department if he refuses to leave. You can do this.


My understanding (and I'm not a lawyer)... In many areas, you can't kick someone out if the marital house, even if you're the only one on title or lease. There's a process that needs to be followed, and it doesn't START with calling the cops. You start by asking them to leave and talking to a lawyer to get the paperwork started. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## urnotme (Jun 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> My understanding (and I'm not a lawyer)... In many areas, you can't kick someone out if the marital house, even if you're the only one on title or lease. There's a process that needs to be followed, and it doesn't START with calling the cops. You start by asking them to leave and talking to a lawyer to get the paperwork started.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


PBear is correct. I have consulted an attorney and I know where I stand. However, he can make this easier by just getting out. He is getting the much better end of the deal financially speaking. He has a Harley, a boat, dirt bikes, four wheelers, you name it. He can take it all. I just want peace of mind.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did you have "the talk" last night? And hopefully leaving quietly with all his stuff is incentive enough for him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Your husband is a tool. And not very smart.

Because unless he is hiding cash in his Mom's mattress his assets can be found.

I can understand wanting peace.

So tell him to leave.

The key is to hand him Divorce papers on his way out the door.


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## urnotme (Jun 1, 2012)

Yeah and silly me was just hoping that he would crumble and say he loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but he was just rude and bitter. He was in and out of the house last night, not sure if he is moving out today or not.

I keep asking myself if I am really doing the right thing.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

urnotme said:


> ... he was just rude and bitter.
> 
> I keep asking myself if I am really doing the right thing.


Read this again. Sure, you can have doubts. But realize your doubts are based on insecurity and fear of the future. They are not based on WHAT IS. And what is, is this: you need this clown out of your life. Now.


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