# My husband is illegal from Mexico & doesn't want me to handle his money



## Danichole (Jan 4, 2010)

We had a child together, he is 16 months old. We did not speak for a year, as I had to move to another state because he did not want to be with me. So far, I'm living with my family and working a job, paying mine and our child's bill and while he was absent, I never received child support.

We got married 3 months ago because he wanted to work things out. I love him, I want to give him a chance. He moved in with my my parents and our family. My mom has housed him and fed him, as do I. I helped him get a job to help pay the bills.He is using his step father's social security number to work, with permission from his step father. 

He gets a check for 1,001.00 and I am now out of money, from supporting all three of us. He will not allow me to deposit it into my account. He will not even allow me to cash it for him. I have been paying for him for three months now... He insists on sending it to his step father, or aunt, or uncle to cash it for him (although it has his own name on it) but he will not allow me to do it. They all live in California and we live in Arkansas. I told him I would divorce him if he does not want to trust me with his money, after all, I've never given him a reason not to trust me, and his step father has stolen money from him when he first came here three months ago, he stole 2,000 of my husbands money that was in his own debit account. Plus, I'm trying to petition for him to become a citizen. He demands that he doesn't want my help handling "his" money. After threatening him with divorce (because I feel like there MUST be a scheme), he agrees to let me cash it for him, but threatens if I even take "one f*cking cent" he will kill me. 

He says he will pay the bills once the money becomes available on his debit card (the account and name on the debit card is his step fathers) 

Insight?


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Umm....he married you and has a child with you to better his chances of staying here. He is here ILLEGALY, LYING by using another persons SSN, and you're not going to see a DIME of any of the money he "sends home" that is supposed to resurface on this magical debit card he has. Not only is he breaking the law, YOU are breaking the law by protecting him. Once you jump thru the hoops to "legalize him"...he'll be done with you and your child,and on to whatever other woman is silly enough to buy his stories. Your child, sadly, is a pawn, as you are in order to better his chances of keeping him here. As for the threat.....you might want to take that seriously.


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## Danichole (Jan 4, 2010)

Mommybean said:


> Once you jump thru the hoops to "legalize him"...he'll be done with you and your child,and on to whatever other woman is silly enough to buy his stories. Your child, sadly, is a pawn, as you are in order to better his chances of keeping him here.


Well, I've ruled out that possibility in the beginning before marrying him. He said that he wanted to get married but I denied his proposal and let him know that I would not be marrying him. He said that he would work things out regardless. After considering it, I told him that I want to marry him and help him gain citizenship. In my corner, that allows him to 
1. get a licence, vehicle, social
2. become independant of me
3. if he screws me over, I'll be able to track him for child support

So for me it's never a losing situation, whether or not we stay together... 

Although, here is the weird part, he doesn't really want me to file his papers, he enjoys living as an "illegal," he states " my mother has never become legal, so I don't really have to."

But there MUST be some scheme...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

im sorry danichole, as much as it probably hurts, you've got to get rid of him. he's a thief, a liar, and an abuser. what exactly are you getting by keeping him around?


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

*You have everything invested in a husband who has nothing invested in you.*

You continue to invest more and more into the same husband, who responds with an even harder kind of "nothing" -- not one dime, not one minute of time, not one inch.

I hate having to point out the obvious, but if the photograph in your post is you, then you have other options. My guess is you know you are very attractive, and you know you have other options.

*The real question is why did a woman such as you take the time to pick the most hopeless hard luck loser in town, and then put all your eggs in his basket?*

Forget your man, he was over before he ever began.

The real question is what kind of pathology motivated you to do this to yourself ... and how can you prevent yourself from doing it again?

Until you can picture yourself in a stable marriage to a tax accountant named Henry who kisses you every day before going to work, calls you on his lunch break to say "I love you", and smiles the minute he sees you after coming home, you will continue to be the agent of your own misery ... and your child's also.

So, what is your problem? What exactly attracts you to "the Lost Boys" meets "Max Max"? And what part of the word "conventional" do you find so offensive?

Good luck.

PS - If you came here looking for validation or fishing for sympathy, look elsewhere. Most of us know that, with a few exceptions, the biggest problem is always the one that looks back at you from the mirror. Why? Because that is the only problem that separation, divorce, tantrums, lawyers and luck cannot help to solve. My guess is, when (not if) it is finally over between you and "Mr. Neglecting Moron", you will zoom right over to "Mr. Possessive Abuser" without missing a beat. So get a priest Exorcism for the Drew Barrymore ghost living inside you, and find out who you were really meant to be. This sure can't be it.


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

u need to get out and protect ur child, he sounds so shady. DONT GET PREGNANT AGAIN!!!!


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## Holding Pattern (Dec 31, 2009)

I wish you weren't serious.

He is illegally using the SSN - with or without permission. Nothing is being saved for your future (aka Social Security, Unemployment, Disability, Worker's Comp, etc) Everything you have will always be at risk.
Run.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Sounds like an unhealthy, dangerous situation to say the least. Threatened to kill you if you take one cent?? And you haven't RUN away yet? 

I'm sorry that you feel trapped but staying with a man like this sounds like a huge mistake for you and your child. If you think this is in anyway a good situation you might want to speak to a therapist. Find some family to go stay with and get away from him before it's too late.


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