# Separated and dont know what to do!!!



## stevo7782 (Oct 2, 2008)

To make a long story short, ive been married for alittle 2 yrs now, but separated for 9months of it. My wife and i, which we were good friends for almost 7 yrs before dating, started to have troubles about 4 months into our marriage. Before we got married it was like a dream comes true to be wih this woman, our relationship was fantastic. She also has, at the time of our marriage, a 5 yr old daughter who became my own. Her daughter and i have the most wonderful relationship, she is 8 now. Our troubles were just run the mill bs stuff which i thought , such as i couldnt wash the dishes right, i washed cloths the wrong way, i folded the colthes different than her, she had to control the money, she corrected me if i spoke improper at times. Even though i did many things wrong in her eyes, i was just tryin to make life easier for her and my daughter by taking on alot of the dily chores. She looked at like i was making harder cause she had to do everything over again anyway. i felt like she didnt even love me for me anymore. So are relationship wa on a downward spiral so i asked to seek counseling, she a greed, so she picked a baptist pastor for counseling, she is a born again christian and im a roman catholic. i thought i was doomed from the start with my religious beliefs. But, come to find out they pointed the finger at her and called her a bad wife and christian, my wife agreed. After every conseling session we would fight even worse. so we stopped goin. A few months later my wife and i became pregnant, which unfortunetly led to a miscarage. after that it wa a living hell, no speaking to one another, no sex, nothing...She started not coming home on weekends which led to even bigger fights, no physical abuse ever took place, im not like that. She picked up and left the day before x-mas eve. i tried so hard to get her back for 3 months, she would laugh and tell me to get over it shes not coming back. she started dating someone in the beginning of Feb, my heart was broken. i waited till april or something to start to date someone, i hated it cause it wasnt my wife but i had no choice. now a few weeks ago she said she thinks she wants me back even though her "new" relationship is great. so she got rid of him came back to me and now shes acting like i walked out on her. she said she doesnt love me like she should, its hard for her, she misses her boyfriends friendship. im trying so hard to tell her and show her how much i love her and her daughter. i asked "why are did you come back?" she said cause i want this to work...adn she doesnt know why? the more im away from her the more i think of her and him together and its killing me...again. i feel like im in the spot i was Dec. 23. i love her and the way she used to be but im so confused on what to do cause i never ever thought she would come back, it took me by surprise and now shes not trying to help me forgive her or make me feel comfortable again..... PLEASE HELP


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

You know, like with anything, there is good and bad. Maybe you spoke to the wrong person. He made her feel like everything is her, her, her. They have to speak on how to change what is wrong, not point fingers to just one person. When they do this, that person goes into defense mode, and does not want to go back again. If you get a good one, they will know what to say to get to the problem w/o making things worse on you two. Why not try talking to someone that deals with Marriage problems. You should feel like they are helping you, not making things worse for you. I guess this guy wasn't all that and a bag of chips for her (your wife), or he did something she didn't like, so she came back to you. You too need not dwell on the past, whipe everything clean and try to start over again. Marry her again, and be more romantic and loving. Maybe this will change her to not find things wrong with you. Like don't do the dishes right ..etc. Watch the way she does things and try to do it like she would do it, might help too. Good luck to you !


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I don't know rightly how to respond to this. Your love for her shines through but it seems while you are dedicated to loving her for who she is and try to be a good guy, she is in it for the security. It is easy for her to manipulate and control you with verbal abuse because you take it. 

I think you should go to individual counciling to see what you want and NEED from a relationship before evaluating what you have.

draconis


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