# Oh what to do...



## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

So, my now ex bf bought me a pair of diamond earrings for my birthday a couple of weeks ago.

Having them in my possession is really triggering me.
I feel a lot of guilt having them in my possession because, even though they both made this situation, I have a lot of guilt because he could have given that money to her for groceries or whatever since he is not giving her any child support or anything.

Regardless of their past and what is going on, he had an obligation and he spent money on me that he probably should have given to her.

Should I send her the earrings so she can pawn them and spend the money on their child, or should I give them to a local organization so they can give them to a girl that has had a crappy life and would love getting them and hopefully help her through a difficult time?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think giving them to her is a good idea. I will stop you from feeling guilty, and it might help her situation. I can see other answers as valid as well, but I think I agree with you on this.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

IMO give them to her.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

a_new_me said:


> So, my now ex bf bought me a pair of diamond earrings for my birthday a couple of weeks ago.
> 
> Having them in my possession is really triggering me.
> I feel a lot of guilt having them in my possession because, even though they both made this situation, I have a lot of guilt because he could have given that money to her for groceries or whatever since he is not giving her any child support or anything.
> ...


I am gathering from this that he either has another girlfriend/mate now or another ex, either from before or after your relationship with him, with whom he has had a child.

I guess my first question is how do you get along with her? Do you want to do this for her? Not a bad idea if he is the problem, not her. Of course giving them to her, she might keep them instead of pawning them for the money.

Also did you verify them as actual diamonds? Are they worth all that much? He might not have spent as much as you think, or is claiming.

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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Who is "_they_?" 

What "_situation_" did "_they_" both create?

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Please provide a quick summary because it's impossible for everyone to just remember everyone else's particular situations. Or, provide a link to the original thread that explains what's going on.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Who is "_they_?"
> 
> What "_situation_" did "_they_" both create?
> 
> ...




We broke up last week. His ex wife cheated on him and took their child several states away from where they were living.
He moved in with her, her bf and their kid and the OMs kid and is sleeping on their couch. He is under her thumb and does everything she tells him and always does what his mommy tells him to.

The earrings were not very expensive. Idiot forgot to take off the price tag.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

My take is a little different.

I have no clue how long you 'dated' this person, but all this peripheral information about his history and finances with his ex is, in my opinion, none of your business.

And I don't mean that in a nasty way. 

Simplify the thought process.

These earrings were a gift to you. That's it. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

He's a grown man, and his obligations elsewhere are his responsibility - not yours. How he spends his money is none of your business.

If you want the earrings, keep them. If you don't, give them away or sell them.

Personally, I don't think it's your place to contact her. 

Make a decision that suits you - without involving anyone else.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The markup on jewelry is substantial. Anyone selling them (or pawning them) would be lucky to get one-third or one-fourth of what they originally sold for and you said they weren't very expensive (although that's a relative term). I wouldn't give them to his ex (that could look like you're trying to create conflict since he's living with her and her bf now). Find someone down on their luck and give them away.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

From the brief summary of your situation, I wouldn’t give them to her.

They were a gift to you. If they are still new, regift them to someone you work with or a family member/friend.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

a_new_me said:


> So, my now ex bf bought me a pair of diamond earrings for my birthday a couple of weeks ago.
> 
> Having them in my possession is really triggering me.
> I feel a lot of guilt having them in my possession because, even though they both made this situation, I have a lot of guilt because he could have given that money to her for groceries or whatever since he is not giving her any child support or anything.
> ...





a_new_me said:


> We broke up last week. His ex wife cheated on him and took their child several states away from where they were living.
> He moved in with her, her bf and their kid and the OMs kid and is sleeping on their couch.
> 
> The earrings were not very expensive. Idiot forgot to take off the price tag.
> ...


So, you feel guilt for a Gift because a cheater, who moved away with the child of your ex, moved a few states away and isn’t getting child support.

When you were dating, were your worried about the money spent then? 

I mean child support exists when you were dating and when he became an “idiot.”

Sell them or give them back, but don’t involve her.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sell the earrings, give the money to charity and stay the hell away from this dog’s breakfast.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> From the brief summary of your situation, I wouldn’t give them to her.
> 
> They were a gift to you. If they are still new, re-gift them to someone you work with or a family member/friend.


Oh NO, don't do this!

They are jinxed, were so from the start.

They are contaminated, ah, just bad Juju.

FYI, they were placed in his hands, maybe gifted to him because his EXGF wanted no part of them, she was likely the original receiver. 
Yet, another suitor gave them to her.

She too, is now a gifter, maybe a grifter.


So, your EXBF is living together with his EXGF and her new BF??

This is so weird, it treble screams thrice, some way a threesome.

These people are not serious, they are comical, maybe sad.

Donate the earings to the Salvation Army store.
Or bury them, far, far away.

Just for kicks, have them appraised. It should be good for a laugh! :grin2:



KB-


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Meanie! LOL :grin2:


SunCMars said:


> Oh NO, don't do this!
> 
> They are jinxed, were so from the start.
> 
> ...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I hope you are finally done with this one. You need to stay single for a very long time, you have one of the most horrible man pickers I’ve ever seen posted on here... and this is coming from someone who has a rotten picker herself! Stay away from men, you need to learn to be on your own. 




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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> I hope you are finally done with this one. You need to stay single for a very long time, you have one of the most horrible man pickers I’ve ever seen posted on here... and this is coming from someone who has a rotten picker herself! Stay away from men, you need to learn to be on your own.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I completely agree with you on that one.
I do know how to live without a man, but the moment I decide to give it another go, I somehow end up with a complete loser.
I really should stop trying. I am obviously cursed lol.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Taxman said:


> Sell the earrings, give the money to charity and stay the hell away from this dog’s breakfast.


^^^^^THIS^^^^^ based on the newer information you provided. and be thankful that you got out now.

As far as your man picker goes, maybe it's time for some self exploration? Take the time to get to know you, maybe counselling? But as others say here, be careful who you choose as a counsellor. Some can make the problem worse.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Years ago one of my sisters gave me all of her jewelry to sell after her divorce... basically I paid her for it all upfront. This was very good quality jewelry. I took some diamond rings, earrings, etc. to a few pawn shops. They offered me 10 cents on the dollar.

I ended up selling most of it as estate jewelry at a jewelry store. They appraised it all. Sold it at about 50% - 60% of the appraised value and then kept 50% when it sold.

Have you even had them appraised to find out what their value is? Did he buy something valuable at a low price, or did he buy low quality diamonds and therefore that low price is accurate?

I agree with those who say to just stay out of the thing with his ex. It's a mess and none of your business. Getting involved could cause you all kinds of trouble.

If you really want to get rid of the earrings you can gift them to someone else who would enjoy them.

Or you could donate them to a charity. Do you know of any charity that is having an auction? Something like diamond earing could bring in a lot more for the charity in an auction then you could possibly sell them for.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

If having those earrings bothers you so much for whatever reason, why did you even accept them? Why not give them back to HIM? If he wants to know why, tell him why. 
His situation sounds like a mess and you don't sound impressed with him or this "cheap" gift. 
You've spent way too much time fretting about it, IMO.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

a_new_me said:


> I completely agree with you on that one.
> I do know how to live without a man, but the moment I decide to give it another go, I somehow end up with a complete loser.
> I really should stop trying. *I am obviously cursed* lol.
> 
> ...


Not cursed, you are afflicted. 

Your partners are represented by your Seventh house, any planets within it, and its ruler (and maybe your Sun?).

These are your burdens, that you and all of us, must deal with. 

Fate follows a programmed Destiny. 

Knowledge can, at most, steer your fate, though not effectively, in opposition to it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Well, this last post of mine really shut down the peanut gallery.

What ever happened to the 2d Amendment?

Uh, huh, it has been shut down also, and too.



King Brian-


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Well, I have not have the jewellery appraised. When I saw how much they cost, I was overwhelmed with too many conflicting emotions and just put on a happy face.
I have spent more on a night out, so for a gift it was like a slap in the face...it made me feel used. 

I am just going to take them to someone I know.
They are not worth my time. Just like him. 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I suspect they are costume jewelry.

So, when one of the costumed beggars show up on Halloween night, toss them in.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

What kind of complete LOSER lets another man support HIS kid? 

And more, when said unemployed loser gets his hands on some cash, the FIRST thing he does is supposedly _buy_ earrings for his ex girlfriend? No thought at ALL about feeding or clothing his kid? What a despicable excuse for a human being. I have my doubts that he *bought* them. Sleaze bags who need to mooch off their ex-girlfriends and live on her couch while letting his ex and another man support HIS kid just _*proves *_what a complete low life he really is. He has ZERO character, ZERO integrity and ZERO honor. I really doubt Mr. Wonderful 'bought' anything. 

How do you NOT throw up on this POS when you're in the same room with him? I'm actually MORE amazed by *that* than I am Father of the Year pilfering a pair of earrings from Walmart or buying them from someone who stole them and was selling them on the cheap. But if you think this degenerate walked into a jewelry store and paid RETAIL for them, I have oceanfront property in Colorado I'd like to sell you.

And do you REALLY think this loser didn't *purposely *leave that price tag on the box for you to see? So feeble.

Don't be surprised if you do get them appraised and the stones are glass and they're gold plated. He wouldn't be the first phony to put cheap earrings in a Tiffany's box (or similar box). Nothing this POS does is on the up and up. NOTHING.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

I really do not care right now. He effed up.
A VERY close personal relative just passed and I am about to inherit a very large sum of cash. 
He is just on the top of my list of people that can kiss my a$$.
When everything is sorted out, I am moving and changing my phone number. They can live in their misery. 


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What kind of complete LOSER lets another man support HIS kid?
> 
> And more, when said unemployed loser gets his hands on some cash, the FIRST thing he does is supposedly _buy_ earrings for his ex girlfriend? No thought at ALL about feeding or clothing his kid? What a despicable excuse for a human being. I have my doubts that he *bought* them. Sleaze bags who need to mooch off their ex-girlfriends and live on her couch while letting his ex and another man support HIS kid just _*proves *_what a complete low life he really is. He has ZERO character, ZERO integrity and ZERO honor. I really doubt Mr. Wonderful 'bought' anything.
> 
> ...


Agreed, and in his mind he thinks he's saving that bridge from burning.

Send them back to him and end this!


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