# How does it actually work? When to initiate change?



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I need to end my marriage, but I honestly don't know how. Does someone need to leave the house? If so, do I wait to tell him for a time (coming up in a few weeks) when that would be "easier" on him (not that he will be the one to move, but once school is out, things would be easier on the person staying with the kids)? Should I tell him before a weekend when I and the kids will be away, so he has time alone to process the information? 

Any feedback will be much appreciated. Thanks.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

If you have any kind of dialogue with him, sit down and tell him you are going to file and when...if there isn't then you file, they have him served...there are temporary orders about finances, children and housing...usually he leaves the house but it's all relative to the court and what you want to do.

The best thing you can do is try and make it amicable, tell him you are going to file and ask him to leave or if he can't and you can, then you leave...

If you can sit down with him and work out the details that helps, child support, visitation, distribution of property and assets as well as debt...I did this with my first wife and we only had to pay for one attorney.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

How? When? I mean, do I "clear the slate" at home (kids with someone else) for a few hours, or do I just tell him and let him be alone? What about telling him right before leaving town--is that kind or cruel?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Leaving town is not a good idea...if you have somewhere to take the kids then take them for awhile...then sit down with him and have your discussion...then figure out how you're going to tell the kids when you get them back home.

Don't tell him and leave town...that's mean...there are things you need to talk through and leaving would be counter productive.

There is never an easy way to do this but there is an adult way...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Thanks. I probably would want to be alone after hearing such news, so that's why I'm wondering about telling him before I leave town with the kids for 2 nights. It's hard to know what is "right" when such a thing has to happen.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Personally, I wouldn't do anything until you've done a little research. (A lesson I painfully learned.) For example, I am now reading "Man's Guide to a Civilized Divorce: How to Divorce with Grace, a Little Class, and a Lot of Common Sense". 

The book has very good practical advice on how to tell your spouse you want a divorce. I'm not saying go buy this book but you may want to do more prep first.

In my case, my wife went nuts and pulled the kids into the middle of our ordeal.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Good ideas from everyone.

Do your research.

Clear the slate for everning/day at the house.

Do it a nonconfrontational way.

Prepare for emotions on both sides. 

Don't do it before a big event or going out of town or when you've been drinking.


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