# Separated, Need a Miracle (Crazy Story)



## bill2505 (May 11, 2017)

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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

If I can date, have a family, go on vacations, live in two places, get my needs met by two people and act like I am single why would I talk about divorce? Especially, when it is obvious the person I am stringing along doesn't want one?

Remember, for the subject to change, you must allow it.

Oh and basically, she accused you and the find of rape. That is an entirely Individual counseling and marriage counseling type of deal.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

1. She's being nice because she is having her cake and eating it too.
2. She's not talking about the divorce, because by not acknowledging it, you may just stick around.
3. Only way to find out is to go forward with the divorce and see what she does.
4. Eventually, it will likely fizzle. Hard to say when. 1 month. 2 months. 5 years. Just depends on too many things for anyone here to make an accurate prediction reliably.
5. Do what you're doing. Don't beg or plead or bargain. Continue the divorce. 

Either she'll decide not to abandon her family, or she will. Make sure that you're the one spending the most time with your son. Make sure that you're the primary caregiver. And don't let her have custody.

If that doesn't wake her up, nothing you can do will.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Oh and one other thing for clarification. This needs some clarification please:


> One night about 5:30am, my cell phone rang and it was my wife saying to unlock the door. I was in a fog from being woke up like that and went and unlocked the door. She came in from the outside dressed as she was going out for the night and casually walked to the bedroom. I ask her what was going on and where she had been and she said “you have lost the privilege to know this anymore”. A couple night later she woke at about 12;30am and advised she was leaving. As it turns out she had been going over to the across the street neighbor’s house (single male) and spending “time” with him. So at this point I moved in with my parents’ house. I moved out at that point and we have been separated every since.


So she was already cheating, dating or falling for this man before the party?
Did you leave the child with her as well?


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## bill2505 (May 11, 2017)

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## bill2505 (May 11, 2017)

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## bill2505 (May 11, 2017)

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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sure if she agrees to go then ask. Still, let's get a couple of things straight. You cheated with her friend and left her to puke in the bathroom. This isn't up for discussion whether you were drunk or not. Now, I'm pretty sure your guilt stopped you from asking any questions so, you'll never know if she really blacked out. So, I am going to believe her for my point. So, this woman sexually abused her, you took her to the bedroom so it could continue and then you joined in. So, you understand you demolished her trust right? No, I didn't use the word rape lightly. If she honestly blacked out, there are men (some women as well) currently sitting in jail and/or on the sex offender registry for less than what you just described, you screwed up BIG TIME.

Now, what she is currently doing is completely and utterly wrong, but she may NEVER want to go back to you. Your focus should be on you and your child, not trying to win her back or make her see the changes you have made. Honestly, you could become the perfect guy and NEVER erase what happened that night.

Sorry for being harsh, but you need to grasp what may have led you to this point, with her current cake eating and her manipulation being wrong.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

bill2505 said:


> I went to my Counselor yesterday and he made an interesting recommendation:
> 
> He said: "I know you really well now and know your story. What I don't know is the other 50% of the story. I would like to get your wife in here to my office by herself and he the other 50%, that way I can help you become the better man and father that you want to be."
> 
> ...



Bill,

You have stated you have done everything wrong, and now you are going to compound it by giving her a platform to rub this in your face with you paying for it. The fact that you are even asking or contemplating doing anything but selling the house and divorcing her is the reason this miracle is not going to happen.

You're playing Mr Congeniality while she bangs nightly the man across the street and you want to try to trick her into telling some genius therapist why she wants to live with her boyfriend and stay married to you. She's got the perfect set up. until that changes her realizing anything wrong here are non existant.

Stop reaching for straws and reach for a baseball bat ( not literally) and you will get out of this mess.


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## Joyfull (Apr 27, 2017)

OK Bill, sorry you find yourself in this very interesting place. I got a little confused after reading a few of the responses so my take is a bit different. 

Your wife has some built up resentments from your relationship. She was head over heads teenager and you treated her not so good and less than but y'all married anyway. Then you had a vasectomy and more resentment came. 

So we are 16 years in and your wife is full of resentment. So one day, at a party with lots of people around, your wife is in a hidden corner making out with HER BEST friend(1st red flag). You find them and everyone is drinking and possiblely drunk. Y'all head to bedroom and then your wife and HER best friend are having sex(2nd red flag). Then you join, wife gets sick, the you and best friend finish what was started. 

***My First thought - maybe its possible, but do you truly believe this make out session and full on lesbian sex was the first time with BEST FRIEND for your wife. They couldn't resist each other in a party full of people. The escalation seemed to easy and quick for a first tim. You getting involved seemed to spoil things. Then you got blamed for it ALL. For me weird. Blame should be evenly distributed, IMO

So then, she puts you on the couch as it is ALL your fault and then just happens to come home at 5:30 in the morning from a night out, I guess with the best friend or the neighbor. Probably the neighbor given she left you 2 days later for him. And in such a short time(I'm thinking it was way before the party), he's the best guy ever. And its your fault she is cheating AGAIN. 

I understand that you have contributed to the downfall of your marriage but to own her cheating is not fair. She chose that. I honestly don't think any of the cheating behavior was the first time. I think you being in the know(best friend action) ruined the fun. Maybe in a way getting back at you behind your back given her resentments.

Counseling is good. Continue to do the work but don't be naive or blind. Own only your part but leave her choices on her. I'm not sure if this marriage can be saved a lot of work needed, yes a miracle. 

I get lost when I read stuff where husband or wife talks about girlfriends and boyfriends of their spouses like they are happily apart of the family. Baffles me.* Given my past history with a cheater, I would say, bye, bye. No respect. Crazy, I have a boyfriend but I still want to sort of try to see if we may can work this out. NOT!!!!!! Time waster!!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

bill2505 said:


> Me: 38
> Wife: 33
> Together: 16 Years
> Married: 12 Years
> ...


Why are you desperate for a women who is married to you and dating other men. That is really the only question you need answered.


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