# Letting Skeletons Out the Closet



## Knight Dream 84 (Dec 9, 2009)

Okay, this is my first post so bear with me please. I'm a writer so I have a tendency to get a bit long winded when I don't edit.

I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now and I'm not used to dating at all. I'm the type of guy once I start talking to a girl we end up dating for atleast a year. So I'm normally in serious committed relationships. Well I recently started dating this beautiful woman I've had a crush on for a few years now. And right away I started thinking long term potential. Well things have been happening pretty fast and I just found out she's pregnant. I know, I know. I should have used a condom. We did except for that one time. Lucky shot I guess  Well she's pregnant now. Which is great! She's going to be a wonderful mother. I couldn't ask for a more perfect woman to be the mother of my child. The miracle of childbirth is incredible. And a man can only be so lucky to be apart of such a wonderful thing. The only problem is that I have a child from a previous relationship and I haven't told her about it yet . I've been wanting to tell her but the timing always seems off. If that makes any sense at all. If there even is a timing. I'm honest about everything else in our relationship I just haven't told her about this "skeleton" in my closet. And I'm afraid of what might happen if I tell her. I don't want to loss her. I want this to work out. I've learned from my past mistakes with my ex and I'll be *DAMNED* if I make the same ones. The reason my last relationship didn't work was due to her family being racist and putting all types of bull crap in her head about people they know nothing about. And slowly over time I think it got to her and separated us. 3 months after the baby was born she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore because I was "immatur"e and not life driven/goal oriented. Mind you I had just turned 19 and had previously graduated from high school a year ago. And to top it all off, she said she had found someone else and they were going to raise the baby.  You can only imagine my reaction. I was angry and hurt so I tried to shrug it off and go on about my life. She had moved far away, much too far to travel back and forth, so with me being a stubborn and ignorant child, I went on about my life. I should have fought for her but I was so hurt by everything I eased the pain by "ought of sight, out of mind." But now my son isn't in my life and so it's hard to explain to someone the reason why. It's a touchy subject to say the least. I don't even tell guy friends about it. And especially NOT when I meet a new girl for the first time. I hate telling a sop story about how I was cheated on and left after my child was only 3 months old. And that my child's mother didn't want anything to do with me because I was "irresponsible." Yeah, that's a great conversation over dinner, psst! I'd never have a date. Let alone a girlfriend to help keep my days happy. Aren't I entitled to happiness? Or should I just be honest from the first date? IDK. And now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to tell my "expecting" girlfriend that I already have a child from a previous relationship. It's 5:30am and I can't sleep because my brain is running at 1 billion miles a minute. I want to assume she won't leave me but with women you never know. I mean come on, I had a girl leave me after our son was only 3 months old. I'd really like some advice with this. I'm sooo confused. And my brain is spinning out of control. And if you're curious my son is 5 now.


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## letitgo (Nov 3, 2009)

Well a good thing here is you've only been dating a few months now. So at least you didnt go a year w/o telling her about your son. I would tell her asap. Just have a nice get together, sit on the couch and tell her your story. Start it out by saying how its hard for you to tell her this and you dont tell many people. Tell her you wait tell you feel comfortable (or even at all-need to know basis) with a person to tell them about your son and how when you found out she was pregnant you werent sure how she would react to such a story. You'll probably have to say the ol saying of how she important to you and how telling people early on is a deal breaker cause people dont unstand what you went thru. 
Theres a lot that I dont tell people about myself, theres a lot my DH never told me about too. If he had kept something like that from me Id probably be upset at first but Id get over the shock. So be ready for any type of reaction but give her time after all shes prolly a bit hormonal(I know I was when I was preggers lol) I gunna think a bit more and Ill wb if I come up with some more advice. (its kinda early still) But honesty is very important. Who knows she might tell you about some skeletons in her closet too, so head up!


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I agree, you need to tell her as soon as possible. Yes, she may be shocked at first, but you have some really good, valid points in your post, so tell them to her. 

I'm sure when you first found out she was pregnant, you didn't want to over shadow that news with telling her about the other child.

If she is the wonderful person you say she is, she will understand. Especially if you make her understand that you didn't just ditch the pregnant girlfriend, she ditched you shortly after having the baby. People age, learn, grow.....you are not that 19 year old kid anymore.


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## Knight Dream 84 (Dec 9, 2009)

You two are wonderful. Thank you so much for your kind words of advice. You've made my heart a bit lighter today. I was stressing beyond belief lastnight/early this morning. The weight of this has been killing me. So I'll keep my fingers crossed and pray for the best. Thanks again!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I think it will all be okay. My husband has two kids from two previous relationships, but being that they were both BEFORE me, I didn't mind. His daughter we keep in contact with and only see now and again, but his oldest was adopted, so we have no contact. He didn't tell me right off the bat either, but he did tell me after a couple months. I think its gonna be okay


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

By the way, congradulations on your upcoming bundle of joy! I'm sure your last experience will only make you cherish and appreciate this blessing all the more.


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