# Chapter 3 6 weeks into the separation....



## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

For those of you who have read my previous threads, you will remember my angst over my wife's friends...for the rest of you here is my story in brief: married 9 years, together for 11 I am 43 she is 35 and we have a 4 yr old daughter. I have anger issues and am already in EA and IC. I accept full responsibility for the angry outbursts though none got physical and were only one or two per year most years. 

Part of what has made reconciliation hard is my wife's complete detachment and the fact that she believes she fell in love with a mutual friend. Also, friends in the neighborhood, including her best friend all encouraged her to leave me and pursue the other- not good friends obviously but at the beginning of this journey my wife sided with them. 

She takes one thing seriously at this point, fidelity. We both agreed to this at her request until we could get some space and time to think. The mutual friend she fell for got angry at her and told her to get her **** together. Then we found out her so called friends started spreading infidelity rumors about her, the ones I trust know it's bogus as do I because some of the stories and timing are impossible and don't add up!

Lastly my wife has fibromyalgia and has been severely impacted by the medications, changes in medication etc. we are now on a preplanned family trip to relatives and they too are noticing her imbalance. 

So, many married and formerly married women on this site have mentioned how once they were done they were done and the thought of reconciliation was barely on the radar. As my suspicions that she was being influenced and struggling with her disease proved out to be true the more I want to stick by her and support her. Yes the anger issues are real and I am working hard on those, people are noticing. 

180 is hardly working for me because she relies on me for so much given her ailments and now alienation from the so called friend group. I won't deny a certain level of sucker in my thought process but I also love her and want to help her and keep our family together. Her parents and mine know the level of effort I make to helping her and are so concerned about her health that they are worried something might go down. They don't know about all the rest yet, separation, infidelity rumors, etc. 

I want my family to survive this, I want to help. I can honestly tell all of you that even if she had cheated I would work through it with her because the disease and mess have so thoroughly altered her reasoning. 

Maybe I am an idiot. But never expected to be here and talking to her sometimes is like talking to a block of ice. Truly no chance for reconciliation?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

If I catch a cold and bang another woman I guess my wife should say " hmmm it's because he had a cold"
Really????


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Why are you still taking care of her? While you haven't been fired, you have been laid off. How is she going to miss you? What of your needs is she taking care of?

If you chase her she will run.

Has she moved out?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

What medications is she taking that are altering her personality so much it would drive her to infidelity?

Benzos? Opiate pain killers? SSRI anti-depressants? 

If her mood and behavior are so "off" perhaps she should consider switching meds (and doctors).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

I get it, what you all are saying! But I watched the woman I love change and it was always as the Drs changed her mess and such. It's hard to ignore that before that we were fine and after we're not. Still, I am aware that I may have lost her regardless. But I am not the kind of person who walks away from someone who gets sick....though I may have to step away as her husband for obvious reasons.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Most likely she feel in love with the other guy BEFORE you noticed such severe side effects or issues with her condition. JMO.


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Wouldn't be surprised at this point. I am of the opinion that it's all spiraling down and it's time for me to get off this ride.


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