# Newb



## witchywashy (Nov 21, 2021)

Hi, I'm 32/F that has been married almost 9 years. Still very much in love with my husband, who is my senior by about 7yrs, but these 30-something female hormones are driving me nuts. Just looking for a place of support and good advice for horny little imps like me who also have mismatched sex drives with their partners.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Welcome to TAM -- you will find many stories here with your exact issue and hopefully folks can help you out!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

witchywashy said:


> Hi, I'm 32/F that has been married almost 9 years. Still very much in love with my husband, who is my senior by about 7yrs, but these 30-something female hormones are driving me nuts. Just looking for a place of support and good advice for horny little imps like me who also have mismatched sex drives with their partners.


What kind of support and advice are you looking for here?


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## witchywashy (Nov 21, 2021)

I suppose the best ways to communicate some of these feelings with my husband, although I have in the past. A lot of the problem is he is in a lot of pain every day now because of a car accident that has messed him up permanently. He has a lot of guilt about us not having a very active sex life, so I don't want to make him feel worse because I'm needy. I also have this residual guilt of finding other men attractive because I'm thirsty all the time. I just feel like it's a no win situation sometimes. I've given fleeting thought to asking about an open marriage, but I'm not even sure I'm capable of that. I dunno... all my friends are still in their honeymoon phases of marriage so I don't have anyone to properly talk to about any of this.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

witchywashy said:


> I suppose the best ways to communicate some of these feelings with my husband, although I have in the past. A lot of the problem is he is in a lot of pain every day now because of a car accident that has messed him up permanently. He has a lot of guilt about us not having a very active sex life, so I don't want to make him feel worse because I'm needy. I also have this residual guilt of finding other men attractive because I'm thirsty all the time. I just feel like it's a no win situation sometimes. I've given fleeting thought to asking about an open marriage, but I'm not even sure I'm capable of that. I dunno... all my friends are still in their honeymoon phases of marriage so I don't have anyone to properly talk to about any of this.


My suggestion is to see what it is that he can do, if he is limited in his ability to have sex.
He must be able to do somethings. 
Too many cases of the woman trying three ways and then realizing that she prefers other guys to her husband.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Have you tried sex activities outside of the ones that cause him pain/exhaustion?

I've lived with chronic pain for a long, long time and my wife and I have an active sex life. 

Ask me anything, I'll be glad to help in any way I can.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

witchywashy said:


> I suppose the best ways to communicate some of these feelings with my husband, although I have in the past. A lot of the problem is he is in a lot of pain every day now because of a car accident that has messed him up permanently. He has a lot of guilt about us not having a very active sex life, so I don't want to make him feel worse because I'm needy. I also have this residual guilt of finding other men attractive because I'm thirsty all the time. I just feel like it's a no win situation sometimes. I've given fleeting thought to asking about an open marriage, but I'm not even sure I'm capable of that. I dunno... all my friends are still in their honeymoon phases of marriage so I don't have anyone to properly talk to about any of this.


Please don't go down the path of cheating or an open marriage. An open marriage isn't a marriage in my opinion and unless your marriage is already on a completely solid foundation you would only be inviting trouble by going the open marriage route. There is nothing wrong with thinking other people are attractive, acting on those feeling are completely wrong and can never be justified. You must stay true to your vows. 

Are all of your husband's physical issues permanent and is he expected to get back to anything close to normal at some point? What are his limitations? Even if he isn't able to full on have sex with you every time you want it, maybe there is something else you can do. Maybe masturbation/him helping you with manual sex. The fact that he feels some guilt over the situation is actually a good sign. He isn't just blowing off your needs. You don't want him going around guilt ridden over it, but it means he will be willing to work with you. Your situation is a bit different than your typical mis-match of sexual desire between partners. Your situation is complicated due to your husband's injuries, but most advice still applies. Here are some articles on the subject that I've found very useful. 









Responsive vs spontaneous desire - Uncovering Intimacy


Yesterday I wrote about arousal non-concordance and how sometimes our body’s arousal doesn’t match up with our mind’s arousal. How it can be that your mind might want sex, but your body isn’t ready. Or the opposite can happen. Unfortunately, this confuses a lot of women




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Why is initiating sex so difficult? - Uncovering Intimacy


Does your spouse have trouble initiating sex? Not sure why? Here are some reasons it could be so you can understand them better.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












What's the best way to initiate sex? - Uncovering Intimacy


Is it better to be direct or subtle? To use words, or actions to initiate sex? To surprise them, or give them a warning ahead of time?




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












If initiating sex is uncomfortable, start with initiating precursors - Uncovering Intimacy


Do you find that initiating sex with your spouse is just too daunting? Here's a baby-step to help you get closer to initiating physical intimacy.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Fear is holding back your sex life - Uncovering Intimacy


For a lot of us, fear is holding back our sex lives. I know we don’t like to admit it, but it is. We usually like to blame it on our busy schedules, on low energy, on a spouse who has a lower sex drive




www.uncoveringintimacy.com


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Check out the selection of "solo" sex toys out there OP. You can get pretty much anything online nowadays.


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