# should I just end it?



## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Dear anyone,

H moved back in about two weeks ago after I told him I wanted to give it another go but it has been up and down in a big way the whole time he has been back.

I was ealy down day before last. I keep having dreams about old boyfreinds and weird scenarios with cars and taxis and old freinds and wake up feeling at a loss.

I'm sleeping alot too which I know sounds like depression.

I picked a fight with him this morning over money... he just annoys me, its like he cant do anything right. Is it my problem, or his?

I want to work on it and try to fix it but when he slips up, say itsn't completely straight with me or something, I just crack it.

Money is still tight because we are still working through the debt that was accumulated when he was out of work for three months and that doesn't help. 

He just is annoying and I fear that I just don't have it in me to try. I talked with him the other night, and told him that I dont want to be alone, and that I don't want to start again, and although I appreciate him as a person, as a lover, he drives me crazy--the incompatability issue again.

I don't know. I feel I am hanging onto something that isn't there anymore but fear DEEPLY BEING ALONE.

Advice? He is trying really hard but I am just so angry with him still and I have no respect for him. Can that be cured?

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Also, I look at him, and am attracted to him, which is a relief because it wasn't like that for a long while. But it is like I have put up this barrier that I refuse to let down and when he tries an just look at him and move away a little. What is that barrier? I refuse to let it down.

The other day, I said to him that perhaps it is impossible to work through this and that maybe we should just move on, but he said that thesethings take time, and that he sees progress and that he believes we can heal our relationship.

When we were separated, I was having great dreams, flying dreams, the ocean--I believe in the symobolgy of dreams, obviously, but now that he is back, I am having weierd dreams.

Why is it so hard to let go, and why can aI not forgive him? I need him near me but when he gets close, I feel angry?

I dont understand my own psyhcology...


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Is it just him that annoys you? or do you find that everyone around you annoys you to some degree?

I really think you need to go see a doctor as I stated in your other post.

As far as the barrier goes....you probably feel the need to protect yourself from something. Do you know what that something is?

The fact that you are still attracted to him is a good sign. It leaves room for hope. 

What is it that you feel you need to forgive him for? Figure that out.

It may not be the fact that you want HIM near you, but you want someone near you. You already stated that you are afraid of being alone.

You need to figure out what is making you so unhappy. Do some deep soul searching and figure that out. You may find that it isnt him at all, but some other issue that is preventing you from allowing him in to help you.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

The barrier and anger is fear of getting hurt again. I invested everything in the relationship and he didnt give back to the point that I broke down. But he does realise what he did... hence trying so hard. 

So I guess if I really want to give it another go properly, than I need to forgive him.

I have no real respect for myself. I always think I am fat, even when I'm not, I pick faults at my work, even when Im getting praise, I guess I worry what people think of me WAY TOO MUCH..

What is making me unhappy.I think I need to love myself a little more.

And be myself more. I'm going to give it a good go.

Thanks,


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

and I need a holiday


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