# Husband's R texts... Screenshots up for a short time



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sorry but an hour a week at MC to discuss this is not going to cut it...


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I missed the dog and pony show texts.

Did this guy *actually* take a selfie of himself 'crying' and send it to the OP? Lordy.

I hope the 'answers' the OP alludes that she's finally gotten about this guy is that he's a lying, cheating, deceiving, sneaky, underhanded, self-serving, opportunistic little drama queen.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

LostWifey said:


> She kicked him out because he was a wreck every night and she knew he wasn't over me.


You have your head deep in the sand if you actually believe that. He's so over you. Still is. 

He was manipulating you AND his OW. OW just had the guts to kick him to the curb. Why don't you?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> You have your head deep in the sand if you actually believe that. He's so over you. Still is.
> 
> He was manipulating you AND his OW. OW just had the guts to kick him to the curb. Why don't you?


She had the self respect to kick him to the curb...

Yeah, the other woman didn't see some star crossed lover from another time, another place, that wasn't meant to be in the here and now, so set him free to be with his true love...she saw a pathetic wuss and is probably wondering why the hell she got messed up in it with him in the first place, and thanking her lucky stars he is someone elses problem, someone else she can send him home to, someone else to take the brunt of his crap...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

OP left the forum. Posted it on her other thread


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> OP left the forum. Posted it on her other thread
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk













...it's what we do.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> OP left the forum. Posted it on her other thread





LostWifey said:


> She kicked him out because he was a wreck every night and she knew he wasn't over me.


This is all she wanted- someone to agree with her about how into her he still is.

Problem is no one in their right mind is ever going to say that.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

LostWifey said:


> She kicked him out because he was a wreck every night and she knew he wasn't over me. That's why she told him to go home. B*efore these texts they were living it up, going out every night and having a ball.* Then *he told her how he felt* and she said to go back home.


So...he was missing you and feeling lost without you blah blah blah...*WHILE* he was going out with her every night having a ball?

Yeah, he seems like he was REALLY torn up. 

Not.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Let me ask you one thing: Are you 'allowed' to talk about his cheating?


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Stop ruining OP's prance through wonderland.


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

@LostWifey I hate to see you go. Please accept my best wishes for your future success.

~MS


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> You people are seriously a bunch of a$$holes. Stop commenting on my threads. Admin, please delete, remove me, ban me, I don't give a flying fvck anymore. NONE of you have walked a SINGLE step in my shoes and don't know everything you claim to. This website is a joke.
> 
> Don't assume you know sh!t about me, my husband, our situation, or what I want.
> 
> ...


OP, I didn't have the opportunity to read the texts before you took them down, so I can't comment on them. But wasn't the initial question pretty open ended, asking for people's thoughts regarding those texts?

It appears that most of the folks who did read them did not get a good impression from it. They could be wrong. They could be right. 

I know criticism can be hard to take. It's obvious you still love your H and don't want to divorce. Maybe that's a good thing (like I said, I didn't get to see the texts) but just know that a lot of the posters here have been through infidelity, and watched a lot of other people go through it. They haven't been in your shoes, but they've been in similar ones. 

If you're choosing to try to R, please beware of rugsweeping, because it has a tendency to lead to repetition of the same behavior later. I'll be the first to admit that many people here jump to "Divorce!" too soon for my taste, but sometimes that's the best decision.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

Kivlor said:


> OP, I didn't have the opportunity to read the texts before you took them down, so I can't comment on them. But wasn't the initial question pretty open ended, asking for people's thoughts regarding those texts?


I was referring more to the first question that I posted before the texts were put up, where I asked if I should continue to dig or let it go. No one really answered that, they all just said to leave him, I'm being a doormat, I'm an idiot, etc... nothing helpful. Just hurtful.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> I was referring more to the first question that I posted before the texts were put up, where I asked if I should continue to dig or let it go. No one really answered that, they all just said to leave him, I'm being a doormat, I'm an idiot, etc... nothing helpful. Just hurtful.


OK, well, it appears you know for a fact that he's been cheating, correct?


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

Kivlor said:


> OK, well, it appears you know for a fact that he's been cheating, correct?


Yes, it's been a few months now and as I put my timeline together I came across a few details that I want clarification on, but wasn't sure if I should just let it go or dig in deeper. I'll just talk to my therapist instead of coming here anymore.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

LostWifey said:


> Yes, it's been a few months now and as I put my timeline together I came across a few details that I want clarification on, but wasn't sure if I should just let it go or dig in deeper. I'll just talk to my therapist instead of coming here anymore.




I thought you said you were leaving?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

LostWifey said:


> Yes, it's been a few months now and as I put my timeline together I came across a few details that I want clarification on, but wasn't sure if I should just let it go or dig in deeper. I'll just talk to my therapist instead of coming here anymore.


If I wasn't clear in your other post, yes I believe you should keep digging until you are 100 percent satisfied that you have all the answers you need. Only you can determine how much or how little more you need.

I wish you the best as you move forward. I'm sorry you didn't find this site helpful.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Yes, it's been a few months now and as I put my timeline together I came across a few details that I want clarification on, but wasn't sure if I should just let it go or dig in deeper. I'll just talk to my therapist instead of coming here anymore.


Therapist can be a good idea.

If you're wanting to know whether or not to dig deeper, well, that depends on whether or not you want to consider Reconciliation, then you will need to dig deeper, and get the full details to avoid rugsweeping. If you decide to end the relationship, then no need to bother.

So, if you're interested in _considering_ R (and I say considering, because you shouldn't commit to something like that when you don't know the whole truth) then I'd dig farther. There's some great resources here on digging. 

Is this the road you want to take?


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

spinsterdurga said:


> I thought you said you were leaving?


And BAM!! There it is!

For your information, I was responding to the people who are actually trying to help, after I came to defend myself, yet again, from you people. 

If you have nothing constructive to add, then why are you commenting?? :scratchhead:

Oh yea, to stir up MORE DRAMA!!!


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

Kivlor said:


> Therapist can be a good idea.
> 
> If you're wanting to know whether or not to dig deeper, well, that depends on whether or not you want to consider Reconciliation, then you will need to dig deeper, and get the full details to avoid rugsweeping. If you decide to end the relationship, then no need to bother.
> 
> ...


Yes, thank you.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

LostWifey said:


> I was referring more to the first question that I posted before the texts were put up, where I asked if I should continue to dig or let it go. No one really answered that, they all just said to leave him, I'm being a doormat, I'm an idiot, etc... nothing helpful. Just hurtful.


What could anyone on an internet forum say that could be even a tenth as hurtful as what your serial cheating husband did to hurt you? People here recognize what genuine remorse looks like and your husband hasn't shown it. In other words, he's likely going to cheat on you again sometime down the road; you'll just be less likely to catch him. If that does happen, do come back and give us an update. I've seen a number of updates from people who left this site, only to come back later and said they should have listened the first time. The truth is not always easy to hear. You'll have to decide what you can live with. You should always trust, but verify.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

You lash out at us because its easier than lashing out at your PATHETIC significant other. He is hurting you and if ANYTHIng WE ARE STANDING UP FOR YOU. Telling that (THERE IS NO POINT TO DIG...HE IS NOT A WORTHY INVESTMENT, AND YOU WILL REGRET THE EFFORT) that is until he knocks off the pathetic poor me texts, and goodbye forever... BLABLA BLA! 

WE DID ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, you don't like what we are saying. 

We don't know your husband, but His messages are dramatic and narcissistic in nature. Since they are text it is EASY to analyze. Even therapists think written word is very insightful to the thought processes of an individual. 

Some of us are *******s, but we have been where you are. We have often hoe'd the long road. Im 2 years in to my own issues. I have been through similar texts, emails, etc. In fact in the past i have taken a picture of myself crying, and it was SELFISH of me. I wanted my spouse to know how much he was hurting me.... It was to be MANIPULATIVE. I can spot the signs because i have struggled in the past with similar behavior. ITS PATHETIC, I WAS PATHETIC. (this particular exchange was not over infidelity) but it still applies. 

Can you do me a favor? Calm down. We are not the enemy. You don't like what many say. I hate what many say here, but advice often comes from experience, and FACE IT....MANY OF US ARE MORE EXPERIENCED THAN YOU ARE. But don't take advice blindly. Read it? absorb what you can and leave the rest. 

As to you falling for your WH BS...Im sorry that you are, but you have been advised well. You have been told to put your blinders off, and you refuse, but I BET our words of warning will help you see if OR when he slipped up. 

I genuinely wish you well. I think your husband is a tool... But you deserve better than to be plan b....Aspire to more. You are worth it.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

LW - 

when you have time, and aren't angry, take some time and go back and re-read. When people here reply, they aren't tied to the situation, and by and large, are without emotion when they respond. Sure, some could be kinder with the phrasing, but most of them have seen/heard a lot of this before. And you are most certainly not the only one to get po'd at the advice given here. Many, when that happen, come back within a year with a "well, you were right"

I did get to read the texts. They're right from a cheater's script, and while some was undoubtedly true, it doesn't mean it was truly sincere.

If you truly want to reconcile, good luck to you, but your actions (his actions, really, your compliance with them) reek of rugsweeping. I hope it works out for you, but from an outsider's perspective, even if he never cheats again, the method of moving forward is decidedly unhealthy.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

browser said:


>


Look at that. More drama.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I'm sorry your husband is a lying, manipulative, serial cheater. I really am. If you are going to discard the advice of both WS and BS, I suggest you simply stop digging, let it go completely, and carefully avoid looking into any strange behavior of his in the future. If you won't leave then you need to perfect looking the other way.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Lost Wifey, what you need to understand is this. What you are looking at as people attacking you is way off base. No one here wants to hurt you. It’s actually the opposite. The people here CARE and they are trying to look out for you. Some things could be worded differently, sure. But you’ve got BS and WS here. You’ve got both sides of the coin trying to HELP you. You have WS that are not remorseful, some that are. BS that have reconciled and those that have called it quits. And you have people like me who are both a BS and a WS, who tried reconciliation to have it come crashing down around me from his decision to continue his contact with his AP while I was trying my damndest to right my own wrongs. My point is, the people here CARE. We don’t spend our time here trying to hurt anyone. We come to this website to help people. We get invested because we don’t want people to either make the same mistakes as us, cause the pain we caused or experience the pain we’ve felt. It takes time and emotion to respond to these posts. Some of us can’t read them all without getting angry, triggering, hurting, crying. This is an INCREDIBLY hard community to be a part of because most of us lay our own pain on the line to help someone else. I think you’re lashing out because you’re still hurting and you know some of the things people are saying is true. I pray that we aren’t right. For your sake. For the sake of your marriage. But maybe if you’d stop looking at it as an attack and realize these people genuinely CARE, you’d get ahead of your pain and be able to be in true R with your husband.


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## luvpudin (Oct 19, 2016)

spinsterdurga said:


> I called you out on your behavior.
> 
> You come here ask for help and then insult people cause you don't like what you "hear".
> 
> ...


Wow, you are a piece of work, aren't you? This is probably the rudest, most hurtful thing I've read on this forum lately. You are the type of person that attacks and pushes people away. Do you enjoy what you do?

LostWifey, I wish you the best with whatever it is you decide to do. There are a lot of hurtful and mean people in this world, and some have ended up here for that reason, most likely. Do your best to ignore the useless people like this one. They get joy in tearing others down.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

luvpudin said:


> Wow, you are a piece of work, aren't you? This is probably the rudest, most hurtful thing I've read on this forum lately. You are the type of person that attacks and pushes people away. Do you enjoy what you do?
> 
> 
> 
> .




If she can call people who are trying to help her *******s, then she should be able to take what I wrote. Being hurt isn't a pass to be rude. If you are rude to people, grow a thick skin to not be moved/hurt when others are like that with you. 

I'm entitled to my opinion like you. I think that her attitude contributed to the problems she had/has in her marriage. 


Well I enjoy my life so much that I don't go around insulting those who tried to help me.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

spinsterdurga said:


> If she can call people who are trying to help her *******s, then she should be able to take what I wrote. Being hurt isn't a pass to be rude. If you are rude to people, grow a thick skin to not be moved/hurt when others are like that with you.
> 
> I'm entitled to my opinion like you. I think that her attitude contributed to the problems she had/has in her marriage.
> 
> ...


I think you're being unnecessarily nasty.

Honestly I'll be shocked if you're still posting tomorrow.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Yes, thank you.


You're welcome. 

I haven't read your previous threads completely. I saw that you're in your mid 30's, married for ~10 years, 2 kids. Also, I see that he's had at least 2 affairs. That you know of.

Soooo... if you want to proceed, without a rugsweep, you need the whole story. I know it doesn't sound nice, and the confrontation can be daunting, but if you get this all out of him, and make it clear that you're not settling, but that you're offering him a lifeline, you have a chance of preventing this again. (He has to want this too, which is something you need to be wary of)

We used to have a much greater poster here than myself, who had some absolutely spectacular advice on this stuff. I'll try to be up to the task. 

Here's what I think you should do first: Read This Thread. (and someone else may have already offered this to you for reading, so if they did, and you've read it, let me know)

When you've gone through that, and considered the information, come back here, and let me know your thoughts.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@LostWifey We all care very deeply for you and your husband.

I do not have any idea why you would feel otherwise.

I will PM you.


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## luvpudin (Oct 19, 2016)

spinsterdurga said:


> If she can call people who are trying to help her *******s, then she should be able to take what I wrote. Being hurt isn't a pass to be rude. If you are rude to people, grow a thick skin to not be moved/hurt when others are like that with you.
> 
> I'm entitled to my opinion like you. I think that her attitude contributed to the problems she had/has in her marriage.
> 
> ...


There's a difference in people who are actually trying to help her and those, like yourself, who offer nothing but nastiness and mean responses. I don't care what her attitude is, there is NO EXCUSE for ANYONE to be cheated on. And you saying that without even knowing the people involved and just basing it off of her being hurt and attacked is plain WRONG. What have you posted to her that was helpful?? Please, show me.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

@LostWifey

I also want to add that the CWI Strategy link is absolutely one of the best references I've seen for this situation. The author @MEM2020 did an excellent job, and although he and I disagree strongly on exposure, I would never discount his opinion on it out of hand--we just come from different backgrounds, and see it differently. His advice on exposure is well thought, well intentioned, and well-reasoned. So if we go farther down this rabbit hole, and I start advocating things that don't agree with what is in that link, feel free to compare, contrast, and even ignore my advice in that arena. 

I've been going through your other threads, because I think context matters...

Your H sounds abusive when you say


> Also, I called him out on a lie I found out and he was so furious he threatened to leave again. This is what he does when he gets angry. Tells me he's walking out on me and the kids with his paycheck and will leave us hanging. The therapist tells him he does this because he knows it will hurt me the most. Fighting below the belt. He's not going to actually leave. He's too dependent.


This may be hard to hear, and will certainly be hard to do. But please hear me out. Your H is abusing you, and abusing your children, by making threats like these. When your children see him doing this, and see you not standing up to it, and letting it go on, they are learning from both your and his behaviors. They will learn either to A) make similar threats to bludgeon their SO into submission or B) that such threats are normal, and that they shouldn't consider leaving the relationship.

Can you tell me--and please be honest--why you have let him treat you and your children this way? Has he ever been violent?


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## Learning2Fly (Oct 11, 2015)

Good for you Lost Wifey for standing up for yourself. I say, do what you feel is best for you and your family. It is so easy to tell others what they should do. Sometimes people need to realize that there is a reason you are here posting questions and concerns. It's that you still care. If you didn't care, you would just file for divorce and move on with your life.

This place can be very toxic so take everything with a grain of salt. It's not all bad advice but a lot of it is shotgun style. Just off the cuff, quick to respond type stuff. I think you have read thru that by now though.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

OP, I know you're terribly hurt by your husband. And I'm sorry . But i suggest you hurl your vitriol where it belongs-your serial cheater husband . 

Your anger is woefully misplaced. 

I've been where you are. It's hell. Didn't end well. I took him back for 4 more years and I turned into an entirely different person. A person I hated. Constantly questioning, monitoring, doubting . . . It's no way to live. then I finally realized that I was indeed Plan B and I would never trust him again. Not a good feeling,as im sure u can attest to. I think you're giddy at the thought of your H "choosing " you. I get it, BTDT. But the thing is, the OW broke up with your H, right? So you're not his first choice. And how do you know he was miserable and that's why OW ditched him? Did you talk to her directly? Cheaters lie. 

Are you in therapy? That would help you deal with your husband, regardless if you remain together or split.

And I suggest you be careful what you ask for here. You'll get a myriad of opinions, some harsher than others. If you want only yes men, I think you're in the wrong place.

Regardless, I wish you well in whatever happens.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MODERATOR MESSAGE:-

This thread has been closed after the moderation team noticed some account irregularities.


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