# Fire and Ice.



## Gaia

Exact opposites... and yet they do manage to work well together when combined. I would say.. this describes my H and I to a T. Sure his element is water and mine is Fire... I am wiccan and he is agnostic. He's laid back, bit of a homebody, adhd and I suppose I could be described as more.. uptight... always needing to have a plan for the future and must be doing something. Now.. we are not legally married but both are families believe in a common law marriage ... which is what we have at the moment. We do butt heads, we do argue, like every couple we get into fights, ect. I have tourettes, anxiety, ocd, and depression (Last thing i was diagnosed with of course) and we do have problems communicating to one another however.. we still manage to make it work. Despite these issues, being so different, getting on each others nerves at times, worrying about finances, getting crap from in laws on both sides, had people try their damn hardest to break us up and yes we almost did a few times however.. we managed to work through it. We have dealt with the usual... women comming onto him and men comming onto me however we have got through this .. not easily mind you but we still stuck together. 


We look at our relationship as not a unit... but a partnership and a team. We do not consider ourselves as one... and we do acknowledge the others differences and like i stated.. we may not always get along but we do both make sacrifices for one another as well as compromises. 

I guess you could consider this a sort of a blog or something but i figured I would write this to make this point.

Relationships aren't always easy but if your committed to making it work... then i believe it will. Of course it takes effort from both sides and even if some don't see how a 50/50 .. or as my H sees it as..... 100/100 relationship can work... well mine has been working for almost five years now. Like i said, it's not perfect, it's rocky, but with everything we have been through and are going through... i believe it is making us stronger as a couple. I guess you could say we are like this picture below.


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## Gaia

I would also like to add that alot of the things that aggravate me about him... I also find attractive and adorable... weird as that is... lmao.


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## KathyBatesel

I like your husband's view: 100/100


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## Gaia

Thanks kathy.. and I just know he'll love that post when he sees it.


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## EbonyBreal

Relationships are VERY hard work. Eventhough we're at the worst part of our relationship, we have had some very very good years. In our whole 17 year relationship the last 2 1/2 yrs has been rough but for 15 years I NEVER had to worry about him cheating. I have always had to defend myself from being thought of as cheating just because I go anywhere without him, the kids, or one of HIS family members. That's why I want to be sure of my husband having an affair before I just tear up a 17 yr relationship and separate my 3 boys from their dad that they love so very much. 
Relationships can take the best of you and leave you not wanting to fight for it anymore but it's up to the two in the relationship to make it work. 
We seem so very different at time too and that is why we're attracted too. As long as we both want to make it work, it will.

Can I ask you why y'all haven't gotten married?


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## Gaia

Well there are many factors that we took into consideration. The legal aspect, aka the marriage certificate.. the ceremony... and the rings.. and the cost of all this and we just haven't had the funds for all of it. I have suggested to him before that we could go cheap and do it the way he would like later... however there is the issue of finding a high priestess available to marry us. Yes we decided to go with a high priestess lol so we would have to find and contact one and so far... we just haven't had the time. We have had to put alot of time and effort into us, our kids, his mother, and his brother as well as his grandmother. I can fully understand you wanting to make sure there is an affair going on before you up and leave and for your sake.. I hope there isn't. 17 years is quite alot of investment... but i can say truthfully that I'd never have been ok with what had happened in your case Ebony and my H knows this all to well.


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## thegatewalker

We are very diffrent but yet we are the same we share the same value system. We are also working together to get the same goals. Yes we do have some scraps some times but we do work things out the key is you have to want to fix things or find a solution to problems and we do. I love my wife my wife because we are diffrent who would want someone the same.
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## pidge70

thegatewalker said:


> we are very diffrent but yet we are the same we share the same value system. We are also working together to get the same goals. Yes we do have some scraps some times but we do work things out the key is you have to want to fix things or find a solution to problems and we do. I love my wife my wife because we are diffrent who would want someone the same.
> _posted via mobile device_


awwwwww!


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## Jimena

The tax benefits alone are great! I recommmend getting that paper.


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## Gaia

lol jimena


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## Gaia

thegatewalker said:


> We are very diffrent but yet we are the same we share the same value system. We are also working together to get the same goals. Yes we do have some scraps some times but we do work things out the key is you have to want to fix things or find a solution to problems and we do. I love my wife my wife because we are diffrent who would want someone the same.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^^^I love you too baby .... you should really look at the birthday thread i made you... lol


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## anonim

EbonyBreal said:


> Relationships are VERY hard work. Eventhough we're at the worst part of our relationship, we have had some very very good years. In our whole 17 year relationship the last 2 1/2 yrs has been rough but for 15 years I NEVER had to worry about him cheating. I have always had to defend myself from being thought of as cheating just because I go anywhere without him, the kids, or one of HIS family members. *That's why I want to be sure of my husband having an affair before I just tear up a 17 yr relationship and separate my 3 boys from their dad that they love so very much. *
> Relationships can take the best of you and leave you not wanting to fight for it anymore but it's up to the two in the relationship to make it work.
> We seem so very different at time too and that is why we're attracted too. As long as we both want to make it work, it will.
> 
> Can I ask you why y'all haven't gotten married?


why would you separate them from their father in the event that he had an affair???


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## Maricha75

anonim said:


> why would you separate them from their father in the event that he had an affair???


She has a thread in the Ladies forum. And, without getting into that too much, it's more, I think, that she means separating them as in no longer an intact family.


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## EbonyBreal

You said it correctly. We wouldn't be a family.


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## SimplyAmorous

I LOVE that picture Gaia ! 

I am the FIRE in our relationship too, my husband just called me a "ball of fire" last night before going to bed. 

I could never liken him to ICE though, that sounds too cold, he is very warm...as loving as a man can possibly be. 

We are also very opposite in our temperments... he is the laid back introvert who wouldn't care if he lived on a deserted Island with just his family....I am the feisty extrovert that thrives on a little stirring of the pot sometimes... or I would probably get bored. (I have some melancholy introvertedness in me too though). He is so dagone opposite of me..... but yet....seems to get a great charge out of me being this way... and I have such an appreciation for his demeanor at times, he is my valium, my anchor... He calms me... and I excite him, brings him out of his shell a little. It just works so well for us. 



> *Gaia sa*id: We look at our relationship as not a unit... but a partnership and a team. We do not consider ourselves as one... and we do acknowledge the others differences and like i stated.. we may not always get along but we do both make sacrifices for one another as well as compromises.


 We do need to make those compromises...I've heard differences in the "feeling as ONE" part....from various couples...some feel this way strongly ...some don't. Just heard a friend say the same thing 2 days ago, she never looked at it that way - but she is not happy with the husband at this time either, they have grown apart considerably. What the real case is , they are too much alike..in personality, strong willed opinionated and they have little in common it seems. 

We have always looked upon ourselves as *ONE*, even before we married, we were inseparable. Wouldn't know any other perspective even... We complete each other. He is the only person in my life that I could spend every living moment with and he near never gets on my nerves..how crazy is that....he says the same about me...(believe it or not)

Sure we fight too, but it's always short lived, an hour or 2 & it's done...finished, buried... generally stupid stuff...and somehow .... we always have the ability to make Fun of the subject matter (mostly) after the fact....many times these are the brunt of our jokes-even...."Remember when we faught about [email protected]#$%^" :rofl::rofl::rofl: I guess our fights aren't the drag down / beat you up type. So easily forgivable, on both sides. Even during them, we know we love each other & can't stand to be at odds, it's like an underlying foundation that can't be denied. It tugs & pulls at us -until we make up and are back in each others arms, smiling and thankful. 



> *thegatewalker said*: We are very diffrent but yet we are the same we share the same value system. We are also working together to get the same goals. Yes we do have some scraps some times but we do work things out the key is you have to want to fix things or find a solution to problems and we do. I love my wife my wife because we are diffrent who would want someone the same.


 Love the husbands words. That's right , who would want to be the same!!! We need a little challenge in life to spice it up ! 

It is so very important to share the same value system too ....with that incessant desire to ''get on the same emotional page" ...find what works so so each is happy... sure helps when those Love Languages are flowing in a similar order with our mates though.... I think with the temperments -it is a plus when they are a little different, but not those love languages!! That means we have to be even more understanding of ways of loving that we may not feel ourselves is "as necessary" - it is a walking against the wind so to speak for many.....but we must...always leaning to understand where the other is coming from. :smthumbup:

 The Introvert and Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract : Books

.


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## La Rose Noire

I could never be in this type of relationship. It's a recipe for disaster.


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## occasionallybaffled

La Rose Noire said:


> I could never be in this type of relationship. It's a recipe for disaster.


Which? Opposites or same personality?


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## La Rose Noire

occasionallybaffled said:


> Which? Opposites or same personality?


Opposites. I prefer someone whose temperament is like mine. Much less drama.

My SO and I are more alike. We rarely argue. We do not fight or raise voices, ever. We're both laid back and patient. It works. We're both Ice and I like it that way.


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## SimplyAmorous

La Rose Noire said:


> Opposites. I prefer someone whose temperament is like mine. Much less drama.
> 
> My SO and I are more alike. We rarely argue. We do not fight or raise voices, ever. We're both laid back and patient. It works. We're both Ice and I like it that way.


There is a another couple like you on here...ImInLoveWithMyHubby....they are both very laid back and she often says how they never fight or raise their voices to each other... she also feels the same. 

So long as you both love & can appreciate what you are...and what each brings to the relationship.....that is all that matters. 

Compatibility comes in many forms, so it seems.


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## SimplyAmorous

La Rose Noire said:


> I could never be in this type of relationship. It's a recipe for disaster.


I just want to point out, this is not a recipe for disaster for many couples... it clearly depends. Alot rises or falls on good communication and maturity.... If a couple can not come to understand their personalilty differences and why each acts in the manner they do, and both are working out of their weaknesses, YES.... a recipe for disaster - even if the temperments are the same, might even be more of a trainwreck in that case. 

But still.....some are naturally more passive -but trustworthy (the Phlegmatic), naturally more pessimistic but passionate (the Melancholy)...naturally more impatient but confident (the CHoleric ) , naturally more unreliable but exciting (the Sanquine)....just as an example..... 

I am not meaning -giving excuses for outright BAD behavior, but clearly our temperments DOES have some hold on how we act and respond to those around us, and we need to be forgiving when the other misses it on occasion. None of us are perfect. 

No temperment is better than another - just different. .. 

Scroll down to the middle of the page and can read a full list of the notable traits : 
Fig Hunter - Temperaments

I have a few books on temperments, this was the 1st I ever read : Amazon.com: Why You Act the Way You Do 


Tests to take in this link >>
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ments-our-spouses-better-understand-them.html


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## Gaia

La Rose Noire said:


> I could never be in this type of relationship. It's a recipe for disaster.


Any relationship can be a recipe for disaster if one or both are not willing to put in the effort to work on the relationship and make compromises. Some people are more comfortable with a spouse that is the same ... and some prefer one whose the exact opposite. Either way I'm sure each type of couple will need to put forth effort into keeping the relationship stable. My point is... it can work if the couple is willing and wanting it to work. Even if your opposites like in the case of me and my H.


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## Gaia

Ok... took me a bit to find this again but I am going to kick it back up and add a few things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia

I have been seeing some people try to rationalize certain lifestyles in order to keep their partner and themselves happy. Some trying to rationalize cheating. Well here is a little something for everyone to consider.

With my condition, tourettes, I have a high sex drive and apparently nymphomania behavior comes with this condition but so does anxiety and ocd. Of course these are quite possibly traits of tourettes, haven't read the pamphlet my doc had handed to me in years. Anyway... it is said that at age 30 a woman is at her sexual peak right?

Ok so I have sex with my spouse about 2 to 3 times a day and soon after I'm still ready for more but he is worn out lol. The only time I did not have sex with him was during pregnancy. This was because I was highly uncomfortable and always nausiated. Aside from that.. like I said... I have sex with him 2 to 3 times a day already. Now I'm 25... so if the sexual peak is 30.... I suppose you can just imagine how that will be lol.

Now I am fortunate enough to have a partner with a high sex drive as well. He has borderline schizophrenia and apparently a high sex drive comes with that as well. He also has ADHD/ADD so you can just about imagine how that is vs my OCD lol.

Now to get to the point here. I have gone without my emotional needs being met for quite a long time. Did I look to have the fulfilled elsewhere? Nope! I sure as hell have been lonely and felt unnappreciated as well. Did I go find happiness with someone else? Nope! My spouse has two addiction problems. Smoking and alcohol. In the begining he would always go off drinking at bars while I was left at home. I got fed up with it one day after his mother had taken him out because in HER mind... HE needed a break away from me and the kids. In her mind.... a man needs some time to himself. Funny thing about THAT was... he was working 50 to 60 hours a week and when he wasn't working he had to run errands for his mother and brother... sooo I hardly ever got to see him. Time away? Bull effing shyt! 

Now I had lost my temper that day when they came home from the bar. Mexican heritage, tourettes? Who knows but I do have a firey temper and when I snapped I had grabbed the beer they had in the fridge and began throwing cans in their direction cussing and screaming. Obviously this isn't a good way to handle things and I know this. Did I try talking to him about it before? Yes... but apparently I went unheard so.. yes I snapped. After throwing the beer I grabbed our daughter and our son, hopped in our car and was about to take off to my brothers. 

He hopped in is mothers car, drunk as he was, and blocked me from getting out of the driveway.. he then went up to our car and even with my yelling he managed to talk to me. I told him right there that I would NOT accept being left at home while he went out to get wasted and if he wanted to drink I would only accept him doing so at home with me and I would monitor his drinking. He agreed to this and has kept to that agreement for two years now, going on three.

Another issue we have had was with parental responsibilities. His family goes by the... "housework and kids is a womans job" whereas I grew up with a father who worked 80 hours a week, came home and did all the cooking, cleaning, reading bedtime stories, ect while my own mother was off at bars or clubs. He had always told me that any guy can earn a paycheck but a real man would step up and share parental responsibilities. 


I have stated before that my spouse and I had tried switching roles before, where he stayed home and I worked. He hated that arrangement and told me he would rather I stay home because he couldn't handle it. We only had our daughter at that time... one child... and it had been too much for him apparently so I agreed and quit. Of course during the time he stayed home.. he didn't do much ... the house was always a disaster when I came home which grinded on my nerves. 

I made the same mistake many women do... I yelled about it, screamed about it, nagged, and actually demanded he pick up after himself at least as I was not his maid. Now don't get me wrong, when I'm not upset... I don't mind going behind him and cleaning up... in fact I do it to show him I care. Of course... like another poster pointed out... when someone feels unloved... they withdraw their love.


So... everytime I felt unnappreciated and unloved I refused to do things such as clean up after him, cook him meals, ect. This was all before I knew anything about love languages and all that. Of course back then I had no idea he was ADD/ADHD or schizophrenic so I chalked it up to him being a lazy arshole.


Yes there have been times I felt like ending the relationship and I have even screamed at him a few times that it was over. He of course refused to let me give up and he apparently didn't give up either. Yes there have been times where it appeared he may have been cheating... but I had no hard evidence really and he has been firm with saying he has never cheated. Hell he even hopped on here to confirm that when I voiced my doubts. 


True he wasn't honest about his condition until recently and although I let him know when we first started dating.. about my own... I don't feel betrayed that he didn't let me know sooner. Irate and annoyed... yes... betrayed... nope. I fully understand how some people are uncomfortable with being so open and vulnerable in the beginning. 


Now with that and the fact that we have had financial ups and downs throughout these years... even though my emotional needs weren't being met... even though I felt lonely... I never once looked elsewhere to get my needs met. Not once! Now I have had selfish thoughts like... "why should I do this for him if he can't be bothered to do that for me?" Yes I have had those thoughts... but I never once thought about going off with another man. 


What irks me is those who say... "well if your not making your spouse happy... don't be suprised if they find happiness elsewhere" or.... "let's have an open marriage!" Seriously? I get that people want to see their spouse happy.... but frankly... shouldn't your spouse put in effort to make you happy as well? 


I know some of you like to throw out the... "if you were disable wouldn't you want your wife to be happy?" Line.... I'm sorry but if my man was ever physically disable to the point that he couldn't satisfy me sexually... I would NOT be prancing my happy arse to another man or men for that matter! That's what vibrators are for! 


Oh and I don't care if its not the same... well no fricken shyt! Nothing can compare to the real thing obviously but ... to go get satisfaction from another man just because mine might be unable to give it to me? Sorry but that's selfish and cruel imo! Think about that disabled spouse ffs! If you love them... why not understand they are suffering as well? Imagine what that would do to their self esteem? Seriously! 


Oh and please don't give me the... "its human nature" line. Again I call bs... unless you all want to say I am not human... then I say... loyalty and dedication to a spouse regardless of what's going on is indeed quite possible! To just cheat... to just have an open marriage? Seems like a bunch of self centered bs to me.. sorry. Seems like that's taking the easy way out. 



By the way... I have three kids with my spouse and I can honestly say.. I would rather leave then stay and cheat. Why? Because frankly... I am against cheating. Like I said... seems like self centered behavior to me so I would rather let my spouse go if things couldn't be worked out. 



Oh and I will be starting my own job here soon... me and my spouse will be working different shifts so that will be less time to see eachother. Is that an excuse to cheat? Not in my mind! He also plans to go to the marines next year... and since we are not legally married... oh guess what.... less time to see him. Is that reason to cheat? NOPE! I can easily occupy myself with other things... and if I'm horny... hello vibrator! 



Work, dedication, sacrifice, and compromise ... but don't be afraid to set your foot down and establish boundaries on what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship! This goes for both men and women! That's my pov... no one has to agree and if you don't.. that's fine... whatever works for you.. I hope it makes ya happy.
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## lalsr1988

Gaia, thought it would be nice to tell you my wife and I are also Wiccan.
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## Gaia

Thanks lalsr. 
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## Gaia

I don't know many out there who are so its nice not to feel like an oddball at times. 
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## TBT

Great post Gaia....thanks for sharing.You're a pretty smart gal and your native intelligence or common sense is good to see in someone still so young.I agree with your view on infidelity and I'm sure you'll stay the course during your lifetime.Don't know when you'll be starting your new job,but I hope it's something you'll enjoy.I like that you're a fighter for what you believe.Take care and have a good day.


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## Gaia

Thank you TBT.  I just hope this thread helps others as well.
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## lalsr1988

Heh you're not odd. Wife and I take our 3 children to Pagan Festivals all the time. lol you should hear the flack we get from both families
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## Gaia

Lol at least you two both share the same belief. My spouse had assumed mine was merely a hobby when we first met... and he would always ask about a logical explanation for something I did... such as spells to help get rid of negative feelings and such. So... I would always have to give a logical explaination.... lmao. Eventually he realized its a way of life and its who I am.. and he accepted this.
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## thegatewalker

gaia I bet when you turn 30 I am going to be a very very tired man
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## humanbecoming

thegatewalker said:


> gaia I bet when you turn 30 I am going to be a very very tired man
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ya think? The woman never sleeps!

:rofl:


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## thegatewalker

Lmao I don't know if she ever sleeps she is always up when I am up.
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## humanbecoming

thegatewalker said:


> Lmao I don't know if she ever sleeps she is always up when I am up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Which is what? About 23.5 hours a day?


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## thegatewalker

Perty much
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## Gaia

Oh pfffft!
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## humanbecoming

Finished your book I take it?


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## Gaia

Lol almost
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## Gaia

Its been awhile since I've posted in this thread... guess we are jumping back and forth between our two... lol. I would just like to share a little something with everyone. Some of you already know what sort of difficulties gate and I have been through and are going through. I just figure some may get a kick out of this.


Gate was putting together my vacuum, I came up to him and stood right in front of him. He moved a bit to let me pass buuut I decided to move so I was right in front of him again. He stood up and looked at me and said... "What?" I was feeling a bit michievous and ornery so I harrumphed, spun on my heel and stuck my nose in the air.

Well he went to grab me but I sort of danced out of the way, glanced at him, smirked, and taunted with a... "Is that the best you can do?" Remark. Well he went for me again and after a few times of this he finally manages to snag my arm, spin me around and lean me back far enough where I have to rely on him to hold me or else I would fall lol. He frenches me at that point then brings me back up and starts slow dancing with me. 


Yes we goof around like this a lot lol. 


Btw speaking of the vacuum... he was sweet enough to take it apart and clean it for me.
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## Gaia

Btw human... I didn't finish the book yet... 
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## humanbecoming

Gaia said:


> Btw human... I didn't finish the book yet...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, when you two going at it like rabbits every 10 minutes, no wonder!


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## southern wife

Gaia said:


>


That pics is.............HOT!!!! :woohoo: :smthumbup:


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