# regretting my marriage...



## Optimistic (Nov 26, 2008)

My husband has many excellent qualities, he is very nice guy, loving, caring, generous, tolerent & responsible.

I just don't feel physically attrachted to my husband anymore.
Do you think I am shallow? should I try hard to live with this?
Please give me good advice.


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## Melancholy (Nov 15, 2008)

First things first, you're not attracted to your husband because you are flirting in your mind and thinking about the other guy. You can compare just about anyone in this world to others and find features you like and would prefer. Stop thinking about others and look at what you do like about your husband and I promise he will look more attractive.

Secondly, you shouldn't be thinking about which person you want to be with, you should only be thinking about your relationship with your husband. You either commit to your current relationship and concentrate on that or get out of it. Marriage isn't like employment, you can't keep your job and shop around for better offers while you keep your current position. It isn't fair to your husband and it isn't being fair to you.

If this other man is in your life, you need to eliminate him. You may only begin shopping once your current relationship is done and is final.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It sounds less like a problem with your husband than with you. Justifing your attraction to this other guy by nit picking your husband is just unfair to him and the marriage. You are comparing what you don't like about your husband to what you like about this other guy. Frankly, you didn't realize many of the things about your husband until after you married him so why would you think this other guy is perfect?

draconis


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Optimistic said:


> I always tell him that he has a dull face & that he is not good looking. He says nothing.


I'd probably have a dull face too if my husband told me I was not good looking. That probably makes him feel horrible. 


Optimistic said:


> I don't want to be alone again, I do need someone to love me & care for me & I don't know how long I have to wait beofore I find my dream guy.


If this is why you married, to avoid being alone, you will likely find yourself unhappy in any relationship you pursue. I would recommend working on feeling better about yourself and then you might learn to appreciate all of the good qualities you mention about your husband.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Optimistic said:


> I discovered that I am not physically attracted to him. His facial expressions, even when he is quite, just irritates me. I always tell him that he has a dull face & that he is not good looking. He says nothing.


yeah, i'll bet he says nothing. how would you expect him to respond???


Optimistic said:


> I am being so impatient with him learning everything & with his poor communication skills.


...and let's take a look at YOUR communication skills:


Optimistic said:


> I always tell him that he has a dull face & that he is not good looking.


i'm sorry, i can't give a free pass to someone who posts such ludicrous statements. my apologies for seeing things this way, but that is a horrible thing to say to another human, especially that human. and i for one won't accept "cultural differences."


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## Optimistic (Nov 26, 2008)

*thanks all..*

Thanks everyone for your advice.
These are great thoughts that made me regret my feelings & what I wrote. What you all said make sense. I should appreciate what I have and stop being superficial. 

Again, thanks everyone!! you guys are great.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It is good to hear from you again and in such a positive way.

draconis


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## rogerisright (Nov 28, 2008)

*Re: thanks all..*

You need to look at your husband with different glasses on than the ons you use to admire a mans appearance so that you can see beneath the skin ... I promise you that based upon strictly physical beauy that your husband woud have not chosen you first either ...it's a sign of character and maturity to remember the Man! and not just the mans bod! The guy who looks at you still with love in his eye...the man who is nice to small animals and children ...the man who works overtime to make sure you can do something extra that he knows is important to you ... if you are caught up on the shell and aren't able to put your libido away long enogh to see the man you married you are lost. You need to read Dr Laura's Book "The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband" there is a saying from that book you should really ponder ...it is the advice that a father gives to his daughter in law to-be on her wedding day he said "you are marrying a man ....always treat him like one and he will always act like one"


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Optimistic said:


> My husband has many excellent qualities, he is very nice guy, loving, caring, generous, tolerent & responsible.
> 
> I just don't feel physically attrachted to my husband anymore.
> Do you think I am shallow? should I try hard to live with this?
> Please give me good advice.


this is what you left after editing?!?!?!

maybe you should forget it...

maybe you don't understand your wedding VOWS....


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## Optimistic (Nov 26, 2008)

draconis, rogerisright & voivod, thank you all.
I take your advice seriously and to heart. I defenitly was lost and didn't have my prioroites straight.


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