# Trouble with Inlaws



## Lucretia (Dec 1, 2009)

My husband and I have been together for 18 years and we have been married for 8 of those and have two small children. - Generally we get along ok, and Ive never really had many problems with the inlaws until my brother inlaw left his previous wife and moved in with another woman. All of a sudden my previously nice brother in law is treating me horribly- whats worse is that culturally he is the head of my husbands family and my husband will not stick up for me. He makes comments in a joking sort of way - always when he is visiting our home - that are upsetting to me - Like if the house is clean he will say "who broke in and cleaned the house" or if one of my kids have a bruise (from falling off something as kids do) - he will look at me in an angry way and say " what happened to her" - quite often he will say to my youngest daughter " I will take you away from here aye? - you come and live with me" - the other day when he visited early one morning he said to my husband "In Tonga - they give their 24 year old daughters away to people in our country for permanent residence, maybe you should go and get yourself a new wife." 

I don't know what to do about these comments - I know having a bad relationship with your inlaws can rip good marriages apart - I don't want to make this situation any worse than what it is.

Has anyone got any ideas??


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Ive been in this situation, only, it was my mom and brother at my throat about my husband. They would be all goody goody to his face, but would call me and cut him down like a dog. I took all I could take and put my foot down, told them they either accept my decision to marry him or I would cut off all contact until they decided to do so. After our son was born, things kinda got better, but from time to time, they go back to their old ways, his job isnt good enough, he doesnt help enough around the house, everything he does is done wrong, he doesnt ever do anything right. My H has tried in so many ways to please them, that hes just stopped trying. 

I really wish I could tell you it will get better, but it wont. The only advice I can give you, is stand up to your H and tell him to be a man and stop letting his brother cut you down, if his brother cant show you respect in your own home, then he doesnt need to be there, you might have to get harsh with him, and put your foot down.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

I'm sorry to read this story. People don't realize how much cutdowns like that can wound. It gets old in a hurry.

When my first child was born, everyone thought it would be funny to say "She looks like the mailman" and stuff like that. After a few weeks of it I would snap back at them to shut them up.

I can imagine this:

"Who broke in and cleaned your house?"

"I did. And I'm still cleaning the trash out - you're next."

***

"I will take you away from here aye? - you come and live with me" 

"How many child molesters are there in your family?"


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## Lucretia (Dec 1, 2009)

Thank you Amberlynn and Sven - Its nice to know there are kind people out there like yourselves.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

There comes a point where you need to stand up for yourself. Although I don't know the difference in cultures, and there can be vast differences, and you probably understand what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.

I would say, talk to your husband about your issues. If he cannot stand up for you, let him know that you will defend yourself. I liked Sven's ideas.


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## Lucretia (Dec 1, 2009)

Brother in law came over again last night - I had broken my toe ( while avoiding my child's scooter in the middle of the hallway ) and he accused me of doing it on purpose (in a joking way) to get out of doing things.

Instead of my usual head down and turn the other cheek routine I stood my ground and told him that was a ridiculous thing to say and who in their right mind would purposefully hurt themselves. My husband gave his brother a filthy look and brother in law had the presence of mind to look ashamed.

Anyways there seems be a little headway - Although I doubt very much if he's ever going to give me the sister inlaw of the year award.


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