# Will I ever be able to trust again? Will he?



## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

My 2 year marriage fell apart because of cheating, I found out he was then I tried to even the score. Since its not my nature to cheat I couldn't handle the betrayal and confessed. After a 6 month seperation somehow we came back together. I will never disrespect him or our marriage in that way again and I hope he feels the same.

Trust has been difficult. I go out of my way because I cheated and I know though he has forgiven he will never forget. Whenever I am away from home I let him know where I will be and I pick that cell phone if it rings quickly so those suspicious thoughts dont start to surface. Last night I went to a parent teacher conference and when I got back I left all of the teachers notes and syllabus sheets on the ktichen table so its clear where I was for 3 hours. Its a lot of work yes but I do it for a reason. I do it because I screwed up and I want my husbands trust back. I want him to see that I would never do that again.

I use to check the website for his cell phone usage which is the 1st clue I got before we seperated that he had cheated. I must admit now that we are back together I still do it. I need to know that he is being sincere about his dedication to me and to never go that route again. I am trying to figure out how to stop.

I am scheduled to go on a 2 day trip with my job next month and I fear 2 things. 1 he is going to think I am doing something in the next state that I shouldn't be and #2 becasue of that suspicion he just might venture out.

How do you conquer those infidelity fears after cheating and/or being cheated on. I don't want this snooping and distrust to bring us to yet another seperation but my need to know everything sometimes drives me to check up on him. I dont want to play the fool a second time.

I keep telling myself to go to the tmobile website and change the pass code to something I wont remember then dont write it down. This way when I feel the urge to check his cell usage I cant get on because I don't know the password, but something always stops me.

Are any of you guys working on your relationship even after infidelity and if so how do you build that trust back?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You build trust back slowly through actions. But it will never come back 100%. Not that it's a bad thing.

It seems you are doing a lot to prove you are doing right. Is he doing the same for you? Make sure there is a balance here. Because it's a two-way street.

If you feel that things are not improving, you may want to bow out. 2 years in and dealing with infidelity on both parts is not good. 

This is another example of why revenge cheating never solves anything.


----------



## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> You build trust back slowly through actions. But it will never come back 100%. Not that it's a bad thing.
> 
> It seems you are doing a lot to prove you are doing right. Is he doing the same for you? Make sure there is a balance here. Because it's a two-way street.
> 
> ...


I guess he his he goes to work and comes straight home every day where as he use to hang out with his buddies all the time. I notice the changes and I appreciate them secretly my guard is always still up because he managed to do it before and I was none the wiser so I will never ever again say no not my man.

I totally want to trust him but I dont ever want to be blind sided like that again and yes I have told him this. I fought for us once but if there is ever infidelity again my fight is over.

And I am happy to say we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary...


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

No

This is unhealthy. Leave re-evaluate your life


----------



## shenox (Sep 12, 2012)

in this situation, it will take some time to build the trust back. At least 1 year and both of you need to work for it. It's better not to have trips alone to some far places for more than 1 day alone. As you said, the other partner might suspect. It is the nature. Try to stay close as much as possible. With time, things will become normal as before.


----------



## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Around 7 years for me...has never gotten better..horrible way to live..stupid really...


----------

