# Im I just jealous?



## Mrs_HangingOn (Dec 21, 2010)

*Am I just jealous?*

I need some advice before I head home from work today. See my husband has this new woman friend. He hardly ever talks to me about her. All he has told me is she's a single mother. She calls him and stays on the phone thirty minutes at a time talking about her problems. My husband picks up her son and hangs out with him. Im not sure what is going on but he has cheated on me in the past. I dont think he has been physical with this woman but could it be an emotional thing. I have talked to him about this and I wouldnt be so consumed if I felt our relationship was completly solid. He says he is just helping her out. Do I just need to meet some male friends?


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You definitely don't need to meet male friends. That's not going to solve your problem--only make it worse. Since your husband has cheated before, I'm sure you still have trust issues. He should know this and be more sensitive to friendships he makes. Therefore, I would have to say he is out of line with this one. How did he meet this woman?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This smells like smoke. I'd befriend her, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

No good can come from this relationship. I just think if he cheated before its not a very good idea to have female friends. 

This women should know were you are coming from so you should meet B/C a friend of your H's should be a friend of your's, right?


----------



## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't think she should be a friend of yours, nor a friend of your husband's! It will lead to an emotional affair, then physical. Trust me on that one!


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Good point, both of you should stay clear of that women.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

*Re: Am I just jealous?*



Mrs_HangingOn said:


> I need some advice before I head home from work today. See my husband has this new woman friend. He hardly ever talks to me about her. All he has told me is she's a single mother. She calls him and stays on the phone thirty minutes at a time talking about her problems. My husband picks up her son and hangs out with him. Im not sure what is going on but he has cheated on me in the past. I dont think he has been physical with this woman but could it be an emotional thing. I have talked to him about this and I wouldnt be so consumed if I felt our relationship was completly solid. He says he is just helping her out. Do I just need to meet some male friends?


You are not just being jealous. In fact, Dr. Shirley Glass wrote a book named "Not Just Friends" that is entirely about the phenomena of when one person meets someone at work or in college classes and they become emotionally attached but claim to be "just friends." In fact, just so you can feel a little better there are some quizzes she has--like "Just friends or emotional affair?" That would pretty much show you if they've crossed the line, huh?

However, it's my opinion that if he were TRULY being a friend to this single mother, he would be helping her to find the support groups she needs or give her a referral to someone who can actually help her...and then he'd protect the marriage and leave her alone! Friends would connect her to the some other LADY friends and back off. Okay? So you're not jealous. You're gut is telling you that something is wrong.


----------



## Mrs_HangingOn (Dec 21, 2010)

Well...she just now left our house to pick up her son. My husband asked me to come out to meet her to ease my worries. I decided not to right now. I looked out of the window to peek at her and...well... she actually not someone he would talk to by looking at her. She is much taller than he and he loves short women based on me and the ex's I know about. The conversation was very brief and looked more friendly than intimate. I really just need to get something going for myself and stop worring about what he is always up to because this doesnt feel good.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wow, your not worried what your best friend is up to? Thats wierd. Why can't you both get something going? Are you going to cheat on him?


----------



## Mrs_HangingOn (Dec 21, 2010)

the guy said:


> Wow, your not worried what your best friend is up to? Thats wierd. Why can't you both get something going? Are you going to cheat on him?


 Im not sure what you are saying but No...Im not about to start cheating on my husband. Never have in our twelve years of being married and not trying to start. All Im saying is maybe I need to stop consuming myself in what he do so much. Its overwhelming.

I dont have many friends because Im with my children soon as I leave work..every day. He is a little league football coach and he talks to single mothers all the time.

I cant stop him from doing what he's going to do behind my back. Its been six years since he cheated on me and I have read the books, kept myself up,giving my body more ... all the things we go through when we feel we are not good enough. I need a life too other than family, work, church, etc. 

He says he's been doing better, but his better is not cheating anymore. He drinks more (not violent)and has put on alot of weight but he says its not me why he drinks more.

I have medical problems too and Im seeing that me and my children needs to live and be healthy...mind, body and soul.

All I can do (I believe) is keep my eyes open but at the same time do me without hurting our marriage.


----------



## copperfiend (Nov 18, 2010)

Something doesn't smell right to me. Is he making himself a father figure for her son?


----------



## land2634 (Jun 7, 2010)

I'm just going to throw this out there from personal experience. This woman may not SEEM like someone he would go for, but neither is the guy my wife is cheating on me with. Those are the ones they fall for when they get involved in an affair. To them, it's something new, different, and exciting.

Based on what I've seen, your worries are more than justified.


----------



## Mrs_HangingOn (Dec 21, 2010)

land2634 said:


> I'm just going to throw this out there from personal experience. This woman may not SEEM like someone he would go for, but neither is the guy my wife is cheating on me with. Those are the ones they fall for when they get involved in an affair. To them, it's something new, different, and exciting.
> 
> Based on what I've seen, your worries are more than justified.


Land2634 I hear you and your're right. The woman he did cheat on me long ago was different except for she was short like me. She was actually bigger than me. 

Copperfiend.... I asked him that question also, but of course he says he is just trying to be a better person..blah, blah, blah.

There is so much more to this situation that Im embarrased to talk about eventhough it should be him that should be embarrased. Because he is my husband....its just hard.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The cool thing about this forum is the annonimity (hell I can't spell) no one knows who you are and you can be gut renchingly truthful to yourself and to strangers it will never get back to any one you know.

This site has helped me alot and I in turn I like to give my perspective on my experience with Infidelity.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I could see if he was picking her son up and acquaintances with her as a result. I would then think that he just saw a boy who needed a male influence, a male friend, and was trying to do right by a kid he felt some sympathy for. 

And being friends with a woman by itself is not an indicator of anything. My boyfriend has female friends, I have male friends. We don't cheat. But I do think that if it makes you uncomfortable, there's a reason. I don't worry about my boyfriend's female friends; I know he won't cheat. If I did suddenly start worrying, or he met a new friend that bothered me, I would follow up on that because feeling that way would tell me there's something going on there.


----------

