# this sucks big time



## missb (Nov 21, 2010)

I'm 25, & me & my husband (26) have been married for 2 1/2 yrs and have a 2 yr old son. We have known each other for 9 years. My husband has never really had much of a sex drive, something that had always been a problem. I married him anyways thinking that it was a medical problem. It wasn't. The anger and bitterness of being rejected by the man I love on a daily basis has taken it's toll on our marriage. He pays no attention to me and if we do anything as a couple or family I ALWAYS had to be the one to plan it out. I take care of the bills, house, shopping, everything. My husband runs his mom's business (he has no other opportunity, was working at a gas station and unemployed while I was pregnant) and devotes all of his time and attention to that, not me or his son. We have been in marriage counseling since Feb. Every time we go in for counseling she asks if he has made his wife a priority, he says no, he hasnt had time. All I want is to be close to him, and true intimacy with somebody I love so much. I'm sick and tired of having to make all the effort in this relationship. The closer I try to get the more he pushed me away. Another dinner with no speaking and I said well this sucks, if we were dating I would not want another date with you. He blew up, left me in the restaurant, and walked home. When he got home he said he wanted a divorce. He'd said this before but then we'd always tried to make things work. Not this time- I took my son and went to stay with my aunt. Thought it would be temporary, but 2 weeks later he had all my **** across the street in his dads house and his buddy moved in to our friends room- he couldnt afford rent without me. He says he wants to be left alone, doesnt want me pushing him, he says when he is ready he will let me know. Well, I have a life to live too! Am I supposed to wait around for...what exactly? He still is a workaholic, he hasn't changed anything. He ignores my phone calls sometimes, but then last night he came over randomly to hang out (and have sex, suprisingly). He says "Lets do something as a family this weekend" then flakes and says he has to work (says this every week). I desperately want my family back but he is impossible to reach. My therapist told me to let him go and that I've done enough, but it is SO hard. I'm scared if I totally stop trying to make an effort to reconcile that he won't ever try. I asked when he is going to file for divorce, but he said he doesn't know or want to talk about that yet, that he has too much going on in his life right now. I know the business has been stressing him out and he feels like he cant do it all. It's been over a month since we moved out, and I feel like I am living in limbo. Our son stays with him two nights a week and he drives him to daycare. Sometimes he spends the day with him, but its rare. The only thing that has saved me from not having a nervous breakdown is my wonderful supportive family and working out like crazy. He is planning on coming over for thanksgiving. I think he likes the idea of having a family but not the actual work. He still says he loves me & that I need to be patient, he hugs me when he picks up/drops off our son. This is a very painful time for me & I am so confused. Help!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I tend to agree with your therapist on this one. Both of you are young. Unfortunately your husband sounds immature and uninterested in changing. So, perhaps you should ask yourself this question. Can you see yourself living (or existing) like this ten years from now?


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Missb,

I am in a similar situation. I just want my husband's attention but he isn't giving it. Don't beat yourself up you just need to accept that you have done everything you can for your marriage but for some reason your husband doesn't want to try. Try to continue on with your life and do not try to reconcile with him. You have been trying and if he wants you in his life he must be the one to make an effort. You are not happy in this situation and you have to consider your happiness. Maybe in a month or two he will come to his senses and maybe he won't. If he doesn't try to move on and find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.


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## missb (Nov 21, 2010)

Thanks for the advice guys. I know at this point I need to just worry about me but it is really hard to give up my hope that I will have a happy family with this man. I am going to try to stay strong this week and not call him unless it is to discuss our son's schedule. No more calling to see how he is doing or to see if he wants to get together, I feel so stupid for doing all that these past few weeks. If he reaches out to me I will happily give back but right now I am so done!!


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