# texting lover on whatsapp



## bigjohn (Jun 30, 2017)

My wife had a online affair with her first love now for 4 years .I found out about it and was able to read all her emails to him .Log story short I confronted her and she promised to stop .Since then her phone never leaves her side and if it does it is locked .She has a I phone 6+.I had the opportunity to have a look at her phone a few times over the last months an from texting him every day it is now about ever month or two .I have just discovered she has been using WhatsApp to talk to him and all the messages are encrypted I Can only see the dates .Is there anyway one can read these messages .PS we have been married for 40 + years Not something you want to end now but also do not want her first love in my live Please if any one can help


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

bigjohn said:


> My wife had a online affair with her first love now for 4 years .I found out about it and was able to read all her emails to him .Log story short I confronted her and she promised to stop .Since then her phone never leaves her side and if it does it is locked .She has a I phone 6+.I had the opportunity to have a look at her phone a few times over the last months an from texting him every day it is now about ever month or two .I have just discovered she has been using WhatsApp to talk to him and all the messages are encrypted I Can only see the dates .Is there anyway one can read these messages .PS we have been married for 40 + years Not something you want to end now but also do not want her first love in my live Please if any one can help


Your wife is having an affair and is doing it while you scratch your head. Take the phone and ask her to unlock it. She refuses hand her a suitcase with a one way ticket and tell her go live with him, that you are filing for divorce. You have no choice unless you want to live in a 3 way marriage. 

She is doing it right under your nose for years. How else do you see this ending for you? That she will stop because you ask? You already did and she continues. If she promises to stop she will just take it underground, harder for you to detect. Give her the walking papers, see how she reacts. 

Sorry you are here.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

So this is still going on...

I would serve her with divorce papers, and tell your kids and her parents if they are still alive. Time to give her consequences and make this real. She needs to pick, you or her OM. Stop being a push over. Time to grow a pair and get this ended, one way or the other.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your wife was hanging out with this guy on FB back in June 2017. She is still in the affair. 

Forty years? It may be significant to you, but apparently it isn't to her. Think about that. Either you confront her, contact the OM and OM's spouse, and expose the affair, or you learn to tolerate it. Why? Because I don't see you taking constructive action to break up this mess.

Stay and suck it up or blow it up and then determine whether you wish to stay or leave. Your life. Your choice.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

My friend your wife is gone man. She wants to be with this other man at least emotionally. I don't think we can really say much more to help you. You have to take action. Even then she knows what this is doing to you she has just chosen this other guy. She doesn't care if it hurts you. This is exactly the kind of relationship she wants. 

Only you can decide if this is the kind of life you will settle for or the kind of women you want to settle with. That is really the only choices she has left you with. This women is not your only path to happiness.

If you stay with her though this is it. This will be your life.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

@bigjohn, her actions need consequences, so far there have been none. There is no magic potion, elixir, poem, chant, prayer, etc that you can tell her that will make her stop. Your words are meaningless. You need to take action that have consequences to her. Real consequences. 

Consequences like telling her enough is enough, this disrespect is intolerable and absolutely having her served with divorce papers might snap her out of it. Along with filing for divorce telling the everyone like children, nieces, nephews etc included the affair partners wife and family ( assuming he is married ) what is going on might snap her back to reality. But it also might not and she stays gone. But she is gone now. Either way by exposing the affair and showing her consequences you keep your self respect and hold your head high. 

Your choice, what is it going to be? More of the same of trading water or do you swim forward?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

bigjohn said:


> My wife had a online affair with her first love now for 4 years .I found out about it and was able to read all her emails to him .Log story short I confronted her and she promised to stop .Since then her phone never leaves her side and if it does it is locked .She has a I phone 6+.I had the opportunity to have a look at her phone a few times over the last months an from texting him every day it is now about ever month or two .I have just discovered she has been using WhatsApp to talk to him and all the messages are encrypted I Can only see the dates .Is there anyway one can read these messages .PS we have been married for 40 + years Not something you want to end now but also do not want her first love in my live Please if any one can help


First,* most* cheaters don't truly stop contact with their affair partner on D-Day. They TELL you they did, but most don't.

They do* exactly* what your wife is doing - they find a different method of communication to *stay in touch* with each other. It's just the height of naivete to think your cheater actually went NC with their affair partner on D-Day. If they were willing to risk their entire marriage for their side action all this time, then they're not just going to cut that person out cold turkey. It ain't rocket science.

So not surprisingly, she LIED to you and didn't keep her promise.

Personally, you're obsessing about the* wrong* thing. You don't _need_ to see the bull**** she and her 'boyfriend' are texting to each other on What'sapp and you know it. You're concentrating your energies on how to unscramble their messages because it's a way to avoid the much bigger issue - your wife's complete and total *DISRESPECT* and *DISREGARD* for you, your boundaries, and your marriage. 

Worse, she saw how upset and devastated you were the first time you found out and here she is *again* kicking you right in the face with absolutely zero empathy for your pain.

ZERO.

You're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic at this point. Who gives a **** what her stupid little messages say.

If you're smart, you'll kick her off that *undeserved *pedestal you've had her up on for for FAR too many years and march down to your lawyer's office first thing tomorrow morning.

Time to man up and stop allowing her to run this **** show.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

It is always harder for men to accept their spouses having affairs. Women have been forgiving for centuries but men don't forgive easily. 

If it is clear that she has not been having sex with him but has been having an EA, then something is wrong inside the marriage. 40 years is a long investment to just hand over to the liquidators. You need to try other means. 

Go to a third party and talk frankly so she understands. Also listen to her talking so you understand. 

If she has been having sex, and it is not because there was none at home, then the choices is limited to the liquidators. 

All i am saying is men need to be able to forgive to a higher extend than they are doing currently all over the world. After all, we have learnt to imitate your bad behaviours rather than the other way round. Marriage is a huge investment. The balance sheet is sometimes showing loss making period. This is one of them for you both. Any investment can be nursed to profit if all directors and workers are of one accord. 

I am sympathetic to the 40 years more than I am loathing the 4 year Emotional Affair.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> First,* most* cheaters don't truly stop contact with their affair partner on D-Day. They TELL you they did, but most don't.
> 
> They do* exactly* what your wife is doing - they find a different method of communication to *stay in touch* with each other. It's just the height of naivete to think your cheater actually went NC with their affair partner on D-Day. If they were willing to risk their entire marriage for their side action all this time, then they're not just going to cut that person out cold turkey. It ain't rocket science.
> 
> ...


Could not have said it better myself. 

But again, here you have a man, the does not have the balls to lose the money that it will take to divorce her. 

And he does not have the balls to show her he is not kidding and file for divorce. 

So they skirt around the issue and wring their hands wondering what to do. 

She has probably check out 20 years ago. 

You OP, living in fear, and trading money for self respect, is not the way to life. 

You get that right?


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## Shortdrive (Dec 7, 2018)

Big John: I probably hate confrontation as much as you seem to. If you are paying for her phone and or the WiFi turn them off. This will force that confrontation you are afraid to start. Tell her you are no longer paying for her affair. 
Look I know 40 years is a long time. I also know how complacency can take over a marriage. Snap out of it and reclaim your wife.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> First,* most* cheaters don't truly stop contact with their affair partner on D-Day. They TELL you they did, but most don't.
> 
> They do* exactly* what your wife is doing - they find a different method of communication to *stay in touch* with each other. It's just the height of naivete to think your cheater actually went NC with their affair partner on D-Day. If they were willing to risk their entire marriage for their side action all this time, then they're not just going to cut that person out cold turkey. It ain't rocket science.
> 
> ...


I don't have anything to add, I just thought this needed to be reposted after one ridiculous response and one weak response.


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

There should never be more than two in a marriage, pull the plug on her affair. File for D and let her wake up to the realization that her world imploded. As most have said, kill her phone if the account is in your name, expose especially to the other BS.

It’s your life bud so you have to make up your mind to R or D and yes I understand 40+ years is hard to disassemble, but having to deal with the blatant disrespect! You have options friend and I gently say, 1) divorce, you can pull that back anytime before the deadline, 2) reconcile if she is truly remorseful or 3) live in a ****ty marriage for the rest of your life if it’s rugswept. I wish you the best in your deliberations.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Don't know if this will help:

https://www.itunesextractor.com/extract-whatsapp-messages-from-iphone-backup.html


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Why the heck do you want to see the messages? I mean you really only have a few choices you can make and a few predictable outcomes.

1. Hide your head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening (this will work but you'll be miserable) 
2. Confront her again and try to negotiate her ending things with him (this will fail unless you're willing to do #1 because you don't negotiate fidelity in a marriage)
3. Decide you don't want to be married to a woman that lies to you and isn't faithful and file for divorce (this will result in either her ending the affair and trying to get your back or her choosing him over you)

See, the content won't make any difference in what your choices or outcomes are, will it?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Reading the messages means nothing. She was caught having at least an emotional affair and she has continued contacting the affair partner. You know what the messages are about, time to crash her world. And if the affair partner is married crash his world too, his spouse deserves to know.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

bigjohn said:


> My wife had a online affair with her first love now for 4 years .I found out about it and was able to read all her emails to him .Log story short I confronted her and she promised to stop .Since then her phone never leaves her side and if it does it is locked .She has a I phone 6+.I had the opportunity to have a look at her phone a few times over the last months an from texting him every day it is now about ever month or two .I have just discovered she has been using WhatsApp to talk to him and all the messages are encrypted I Can only see the dates .*Is there anyway one can read these messages* .PS we have been married for 40 + years Not something you want to end now but also do not want her first love in my live Please if any one can help


You don't need to read them. The fact she's still in contact is all you need to know.

Also that you call him her lover. You know all you need.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Give her her walking papers for Christmas. 

Move forward and don't look back.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Dude get mad as hell and blow the whole thing up . they have probably meet and has sex . that is why she can't and won't stop talking to him . your marriage is already over . put her stuff in a garbage bag and throw it and her out the door and tell her you are filling for divorce first thing . and tell everyone you know about her cheating . she is just laughing at you for being a doormate for her . i would find out anything you can about him and if he is married blow his marriage up too . make sure she knows you are no doormate or a loser show her you are a man . 

Good luck to you


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> It is always harder for men to accept their spouses having affairs. Women have been forgiving for centuries but men don't forgive easily.
> 
> If it is clear that she has not been having sex with him but has been having an EA, then something is wrong inside the marriage. 40 years is a long investment to just hand over to the liquidators. You need to try other means.
> 
> ...


I don't agree that its easier for women when their husbands cheat. Not at all. 

OP, give her the choice, him or you. Say that you know she still contacts him regularly and you will not tolerate it. If she refuses to stop then tell the OM's partner, tell your children,and ask her to leave. Pack her bags and leave them outside the front door.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Are you the poster who said in a previous thread that she said in a text to him that she was waiting for you to die so they could finally be together? If I'm remembering that correctly, that should have told you all you needed to know. She's not likely to give him up at this point.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Openminded said:


> Are you the poster who said in a previous thread that she said in a text to him that she was waiting for you to die so they could finally be together? If I'm remembering that correctly, that should have told you all you needed to know. She's not likely to give him up at this point.


Nice catch:

"Not sure where to start .I am confused and in need of advise and help from someone not involved with my problem .Through Facebook my wife of 40 years has been contacted by her first love .They were each others first love at school she was 15 he was 17 .They had a very full love as he was living by his brother and had the house alone till his brother and wife came home from work .They went to his house every day after school to be alone .This lasted for a year til my wife's dad made them separate and he was sent back to live with his parents 2000 km away For 2 years he would come and visit her every holiday and secretly carry on where they left of . He eventually married some one else and I married my wife .I and my wife's problem started right from the beginning when we first made love. it was no different to how it feels now 40 years later .When I asked her if she had sex with her x she denied it was very upset and said she was a virgin till now. This problem was never solved and I always believed she was still in love with her first love and lover ,Till nearly 2 years ago I saw a message from him on her Facebook I confronted her and she said it was nothing they are just old friend chatting about old days and if I unhappy with it she will tell him to stop .which they did .They stopped on Facebook but started an email account .Every month or so she will tell me she just received a email from him with a update of how he is nothing serious and as she is telling me ,I should be ok with it .There talking obviously escalated until a few months ago, his then partner send me a email with there email addresses and passwords .She was dying of cancer and wanted to help me.She passed away 5 months ago .Neither my wife or her x knows that I can see every email they send to each other .It is hell of hurtful to read that the love of your live of 40 years is telling another man ,If she thinks of love she thinks of him ,she have always loved him dream of him .Discuss in details what they all did when they were alone in his room as youngsters and yes he was her first lover .In here defence ,she was a perfect wife and mother and has said to her lover they can never meet not while I am alive as she will never leave me and hurt our children ( we now live in deferent countries separated by 24 hours of flight ) I have asked my wife how many times to please end it completely with him but according to her it is not a affair as they have not met .I Love her no matter what ,I even suggested her going over to him spend a week or two screw her head of get over him and come back but she said no ,not while I am still alive .How do I carry on she does not know I see all there emails it is driving me nutts PLEASE help I do not know what to do"


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

bigjohn said:


> PS we have been married for 40 + years Not something you want to end now but also do not want her first love in my live Please if any one can help


You have to make a decision.

Him or you. 

Why keep asking if you are going to keep yourself in limbo?

I would rather live alone than be humiliated like that. What country are you from that a man would accept this situation.

Women are drawn to strength, courage, and decisive action. You really haven't shown her that.

You have to be willing to lose her to keep her.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

MaiChi said:


> It is always harder for men to accept their spouses having affairs. Women have been forgiving for centuries but men don't forgive easily.
> 
> If it is clear that she has not been having sex with him but has been having an EA, then something is wrong inside the marriage. 40 years is a long investment to just hand over to the liquidators. You need to try other means.
> 
> ...


OP, don't listen to this advice. It is horrible advice. This advice seems to reflect a chip on the poster's shoulder over male/female dynamics rather than useful advice based on successful experience.

You can't just talk her out of this affair. You already tried that, and she lied and found alternate means of communication.

This kind of advice above will get you nowhere. She has transferred her emotional commitment to another man. 40 years has just been erased, and it obviously means nothing to her. 

You need to be strong and kick her to the curb. If she values you and the 40 years, she will make an honest attempt at reconciliation and show true remorse. If the doesn't do those things, it's because she DOESN'T value you, and all the talk in the world isn't going to change it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

bigjohn said:


> My wife had a online affair with her first love now for 4 years .I found out about it and was able to read all her emails to him .Log story short I confronted her and she promised to stop .Since then her phone never leaves her side and if it does it is locked .She has a I phone 6+.I had the opportunity to have a look at her phone a few times over the last months an from texting him every day it is now about ever month or two .I have just discovered she has been using WhatsApp to talk to him and all the messages are encrypted I Can only see the dates .Is there anyway one can read these messages .PS we have been married for 40 + years Not something you want to end now but also do not want her first love in my live Please if any one can help


You're looking for the wrong solution. The right solution is to pack her bags, send her on her way, and tell her she would have to prove why you would ever take her back. Cut off all credit cards and bank accounts, call her family and tell them she's cheating on you so you have sent her packing, and then just sit back and see what happens.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Openminded said:


> Are you the poster who said in a previous thread that she said in a text to him that she was waiting for you to die so they could finally be together? If I'm remembering that correctly, that should have told you all you needed to know. She's not likely to give him up at this point.


Ahhh, so you didn't like the advice you already got - which was to kick her out and make her prove herself to you, so you came back with a new thread, thinking people would focus on the electronics instead of the fact that your wife is boinking another man? Doesn't work that way, bud. The only way to save a marriage is to be willing to lose it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Seems the OP starts a thread then either doesn't come back to read the replies everyone was kind enough to take the time to type out, or he reads them and doesn't like what he's hearing so he stops participating. In either event, he appears to have once again deserted his own thread. 

This guy is so filled with Hopium it isn't funny.

In a past post, he apparently told his wife he'd allow her to go meet up with Prince Charming for Bangfest 2018 if that's what it would take to finally snap her out of it. I think this is just a guy who lacks the dignity to refuse to accept the unacceptable and instead wants advice on how he can continually swallow the huge **** sandwich she has no problem serving up to him - and smile while he does it.

I have no advice that promotes the **** sandwich diet, OP. I have no advice that you actually want to _hear_ because it *wouldn't* include you swallowing your pride, losing all your self respect, and begging this poor excuse for a woman to love you.


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