# the past driving me crazy



## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

Okay ladies I need some help please. Been married 8 years have a child together, we are happier and in love have been since we laid eyes on each other. We have a speical start to us we got to know each other inside-out. Once we seen each other after a month of always talking was head over hills. My hubby is so sweet and loving, he has always been the best to me and has never gave me a reason to question him. I question and worry about his past because I have not been so great cause I have alot of issues from family and Ex's. He has always helped me with my issues and loves me so much but yet I still worry. Please ladies any advice on how to stop being like this


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

What troubles you about his past?


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

Get worry he might want it back. He didn't really have GF only about 2 that he dated for 2-3 months. He always had girls around him that was his friends cause he is so nice. He said he was more like a big brother to alot of them. He never wanted anything serious cause he was focus on school and work. He said when he found me that all changed. I just worry that he should be with someone with not so many issues like me. He says his past is is the past and I am his everything and that we are together so that is all that should matter. He said his past sent him to me. He is really a sweet loving man he was raised alot different then me.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I just worry that he should be with someone with not so many issues like me.


He's a grown man with a mind of his own who can think for himself and make his own decisions and choices. He can take care of himself and is perfectly capable of knowing whether you are right for him or whether he wants you and is happy with you.

You are letting your insecurities about yourself create problems where there aren't any. No matter what issues you have or had, that doesn't mean you aren't worthy of him or that he deserves better than you. Work on your own self-esteem and insecurities, and you will stop worrying that he should be with someone else.


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thank you Norajane for the advice and you are right, there are alot of things I am trying very hard to work on about myself. For the most part I always put myself to the side cause we have a child with special needs and I am a stay at home mommy. I am working very hard on this so our marriage doesn't go bad.


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## kate542 (Jul 25, 2012)

You don't have anything to worry about if what you say is true and you could put your relationship into jeopardy if you continue to worry about nothing. 
Get yourself some interests outside the family and focus on something else other than yourself. 
I know that's hard to hear.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

helpme... It sounds like you are maybe thinking that he is so wonderful and I'm so "damaged" from the past, maybe he'll realize how messed up I am and run" and you are scared? Please take a deep breath and say... ahhh, it's about dang time I have someone who loves me like I've needed to be loved, like I've deserved to be loved. You are a stay at home mommy and you have a special needs child. Talk about a full plate  I am a SAHM too, only teenagers now but I used to work at a group home for special needs. I can see both sides of that, SAHM don't get to "leave work, days off or vacations" because they live where they work and work where they live. Then having a child with special needs on top of that means you're giving even more. I'm not sure how old you are or how old your child is but I highly recommend you put yourself first at least SOME of the time. I am 40 and when I turned 39 I went down hill fast, I put my work, family, marriage over me all the time thinking that's what I was suppose to do. I did hardly anything for me and it left me feeling exhausted, angry, resentful and a mess. It didn't really hit me until I was going to be turning 40 and thought... is this it? is this all life is? I didn't even know what would make me happy because it had been so long since I had even thought about MY happiness. Even if it's just little things that bring you a sense of peace, a smile and some happiness...Do it! Kate542 said find something outside your family so it's just for you. I also have a self esteem and insecurity issue so I started a journal. I call it my positives/life is good journal and everyday I write down at least 3 good things that I have done that day. I also write at least 3 good things that my husband and/or kids have done. I tend to go down a bad path where I focus on negative things and start feeling down. I also started a page in my journal (I use the back of the front cover) I labeled "My Happiness" and try to write at least 1 thing with brings happiness to me that does not include my husband or kids. Examples are: smelling flowers, having lunch with a friend, walking in the woods, photography... I hope some of this helps. I wish you the best of luck.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

His story sounds very familar it also sounds like myself and SA s husband. I think you are quite safe he sure sounds like a one woman man. No man will do those kinds of things unless he is 100% stone in love with you. Relax before your imagination starts running and you begin accusing of somethiing that never crossed his mind. I have dealt with that and that is the one thing that made me think, if I am going to be accused tried and convicted of something I never did then I might as well enjoy the benifits of it. No I never did that but that thought sure came to mind.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I was a total trainwreck and my husband loved me enough to patiently wait for me to heal myself. For years I thought for sure he would leave me but here we are 21 years later and he hasn't gone anywhere. I tell him all the time now how grateful I am that he loved me anyway even when I wasn't so loveable. Honestly I don't know how he did it but he just smiles and says he had faith that I would figure this out and as it turns out he was right. 

Disclaimer: I worked my butt off to heal and he knows that. He was more than willing to support me as long as knew my intentions were to get better. Wasn't just empty words either he could see it in my actions.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

People who love you - especially men - want to see "progress".

As long as we think we're getting somewhere, patience comes easily.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

helpme123- I really think this is just your insecurites coming up to bite you in the tush. You've got to work on what you can do now. Realize, no matter what happened in the past, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. It is wasted energy to fret about it.

Yes, we can look back at our pasts & try to learn and grow from them. View our mistakes with a clinical mind, to see how we can change our behavior patterns, or control our reactions to things now. I'd suggest not doing this without a therapist though.

Really.. just let the past go. Live in the now & just be the best you can be now. You are a loving mother... a loving wife. Just be supportive, and caring and a smiling, calm, contented person you can be for him. If you just hug him, or lay your head on his chest at night & give a squeeze & just tell him how much you appreciate that he gives you a stable environment, and a secure home... it will put him over the moon. He will not think about his past.. He will think about ways to keep you happy,.. ways to keep you praising him.


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

I want to thank everyone for all words of advice and taking time to write on my post. You all very good points and gave me alot to tink about. Just so you know I just turned 30 and there has been alot of change going on. We have started working on all of this, and I am trying not to worry and spend time with him and love and enjoy each other. Also we have been going through we can't have any more kids which doesn't make it easy. Thank you everyone again for the help you all are so kind.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Living in the past keeps you from moving into the future.

His past is HIS past and your past is YOUR past.

We all have a past, you can't get through life without one. 

It sounds like you have insecurities and are not secure within yourself. This will cause you to doubt and look at others the same way you see yourself. Counseling would help you to become more confident and secure that YOU are an intelligent woman worthy of any man's love. Once you reach that point--you won't worry about what he did/does or doesn't do.

Good luck.


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