# Ignorant and Ill-informed?



## LifeIsAJourney (Jan 24, 2013)

As my husband and I were watching television last night, an advertisement came on for a recent Oscar-winning movie. My spouse went off on a tirade about how this movie exemplifies what is wrong with Hollywood in particular and with America in general. This is a common subject for him to rant on about at length, so I sighed and gave him my typical "yes, dear" comment (a mistake, I know). Additionally, I don't happen to agree with his viewpoint.

Well, that set him off. He then launched into a diatribe about how I don't keep up with current news and events. When I told him that in actuality I was aware of unrest in Crimea, the currency crisis in Argentina and protests in Venezuela, he said I was "ignorant and ill-informed" since my source of news is mainstream media. Then he stalked off into the office to play with the computer, thereby ending what had started off as a perfectly nice evening. 

In my opinion, this happens all too frequently in our relationship. How do others deal with this sort of issue? Should I be dealing with this sort of issue?


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## Aeternus (Mar 11, 2014)

Why didn't you tell him you don't agree, and you can have a conversation about why? He didn't want a smile and nod, he wanted to talk about it.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Aeternus said:


> Why didn't you tell him you don't agree, and you can have a conversation about why? He didn't want a smile and nod, he wanted to talk about it.


 I Have a feeling that it would be like talking to a brick wall. 

Some people think that there the only ones with the answer and everyone else is wrong. I have a relative like this that no matter what you say, it's wrong and their opinion is the only one that counts.

My advice, when he goes off, find something else to do and don't argue BUT if it gets to the point where they follow you around trying to make their point, then you tell them to shove it and be done with it.

Or do like the family does when the relative starts his political rantings. Stick you fingers in your ears and start shouting "LA,LA,LA,LA,LA.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It sounds like he's an insulting small-minded hothead. What does he consider to be "valid" non-mainstream news sources? NPR and PBS are the most accurate and balanced, IMO, and they're not mainstream. The ones he's referring to are probably the extremist, conspiracy theory laced ultra-conservative sources of bile, bias, and baseless hyperbole.

Aeternus, I like what you suggested!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm not sure whether he actually wanted to talk about it with the OP, or whether he wanted to talk about it _to_ the OP. There's a difference. And saying she was ignorant and ill-informed when she did not agree with him does not make me think there was much likelihood of a respectful two-way conversation. 

OP, I agree that the patronizing "yes, dear" was a bad move. Refusing to engage, while remaining respectful, might have been the better option. If you must say something in the face of his rants, you might try "I see you are passionate about this, but I do not agree with you and am not nearly as passionate. Can we please talk about something else?" If that fails, you may just have to tell him directly that you will not discuss X topic with him anymore, then leave the room when he starts up about it.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Sounds like a daily event at my house. My wife is all over this missing jet thing like mold on bread but her take is aliens did it and there is a ocean of proof if I am just willing to spend 5 minutes online reading about it..

'Yes dear. What ever you say. I'm going out to the shop now.'


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

LifeIsAJourney said:


> As my husband and I were watching television last night, an advertisement came on for a recent Oscar-winning movie. My spouse went off on a tirade about how this movie exemplifies what is wrong with Hollywood in particular and with America in general. This is a common subject for him to rant on about at length, so I sighed and gave him my typical "yes, dear" comment (a mistake, I know). Additionally, I don't happen to agree with his viewpoint.
> 
> Well, that set him off. He then launched into a diatribe about how I don't keep up with current news and events. When I told him that in actuality I was aware of unrest in Crimea, the currency crisis in Argentina and protests in Venezuela, he said I was "ignorant and ill-informed" since my source of news is mainstream media. Then he stalked off into the office to play with the computer, thereby ending what had started off as a perfectly nice evening.
> 
> In my opinion, this happens all too frequently in our relationship. How do others deal with this sort of issue? Should I be dealing with this sort of issue?


The liberal mainstream media conspiracy theory. I'd ask him where he gets his news and what his proof is that it isn't biased? He sounds like he's parroting back things he hears on Mark Levin's or Michael Savage's radio shows. 

Also, does he avoid every Hollywood movie and TV program out of principle or his he hypocritical about that?


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## damagedgoods1 (Nov 8, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I'm not sure whether he actually wanted to talk about it with the OP, or whether he wanted to talk about it _to_ the OP. There's a difference. And saying she was ignorant and ill-informed when she did not agree with him does not make me think there was much likelihood of a respectful two-way conversation.
> 
> OP, I agree that the patronizing "yes, dear" was a bad move. Refusing to engage, while remaining respectful, might have been the better option. If you must say something in the face of his rants, you might try "I see you are passionate about this, but I do not agree with you and am not nearly as passionate. Can we please talk about something else?" If that fails, you may just have to tell him directly that you will not discuss X topic with him anymore, then leave the room when he starts up about it.


:iagree:
In addition, your husband is being disrespectful to you by calling you "ignorant and ill-informed." To me, that's the real issue here. You don't need to name current world events in an effort to defend yourself (prove him wrong), he has his opinion and it is the only opinion that matters. When you said your vows (at your wedding) did you vow to be ready to discuss any current events at the drop of a hat? I wasn't at your wedding, but mine were more along the lines of love, honor, and cherish.

I would suggest that he start a blog or vlog (video blog) where he can rant and rave all he wants. 

My husband can get very worked up when he talks about his favorite sports teams, especially when they lose (which is quite often). I look him in the eye, and I make sure he knows I'm listening, and then he realizes he didn't marry me because of my vast knowledge of sports. Then he goes on Facebook and posts his rant about his sports team.


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## LifeIsAJourney (Jan 24, 2013)

*Aeternus*, this is a great idea in general but after 21 years of marriage my husband knows my opinions on the subject and I was not up for a debate last night. My mistake was in not keeping my mouth shut and finding something else to do as *6301* suggested. I like the idea of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing "la, la, la.." but that would really tick him off.  Usually, I just tell him I hear the dryer buzzing. 

*Married but Happy*, I watch a little of everything when it comes to television news - MSNBC, PBS, CNN, and even Fox. I take the facts and weed out the commentary. 

*Rowan*, you offer good advice. I will remember this the next time this happens. 

*married tech*, I'm sorry you have to go through this daily. I think I would be out of here if this happened every day. It's bad enough it happens as often as it does, especially when he is drinking. 

*VermisciousKnid*, yep, that's it. And he watches lots of movies and television. 

*damagedgoods1 *, I think you hit the nail on the head. My husband fails to see the amount of disrespect he shows me on a regular basis and this is one of the major problems in our marriage. 

I believe everyone is entitled to their opinions. In any relationship (marriage, family, friends...) there are going to be differences of opinion. My husband simply can't fathom the concept of agreeing to disagree. He is constantly trying to change me to his way of thinking because anyone who doesn't agree with him is stupid (especially liberals ). You have no idea of the number of friends and family members he has alienated with this attitude. "Avoiding Dad's rants" is one reason our son is eagerly looking forward to going away to college this fall. 

Has anyone on TAM ever successfully dealt with this sort of marital issue? 

Thanks for everyone's response.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

MSNBC, PBS, CNN, and even Fox are all looked down by a lot in other countries. They slant so hard they might as well just lie. If you want real american news, watch an unamerican news station. At least they're more honest. MSNBC is even worse than Fox. =/ 

If I were you, I'd just ask him to explain his views. Or cancel cable.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

LifeIsAJourney said:


> As my husband and I were watching television last night, an advertisement came on for a recent Oscar-winning movie. My spouse went off on a tirade about how this movie exemplifies what is wrong with Hollywood in particular and with America in general. This is a common subject for him to rant on about at length, so I sighed and gave him my typical "yes, dear" comment (a mistake, I know). Additionally, I don't happen to agree with his viewpoint.
> 
> Well, that set him off. He then launched into a diatribe about how I don't keep up with current news and events. When I told him that in actuality I was aware of unrest in Crimea, the currency crisis in Argentina and protests in Venezuela, he said I was "ignorant and ill-informed" since my source of news is mainstream media. Then he stalked off into the office to play with the computer, thereby ending what had started off as a perfectly nice evening.
> 
> In my opinion, this happens all too frequently in our relationship. How do others deal with this sort of issue? Should I be dealing with this sort of issue?


I wouldn't, and haven't tolerated this in my relationships.......did you two ever like each other?


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## LifeIsAJourney (Jan 24, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I wouldn't, and haven't tolerated this in my relationships.......did you two ever like each other?


Yes, actually we did like each other a great deal when we first got together. That was 25 years ago. My husband has always been conservative and quite opinionated, but he was much more tolerant early in our marriage. We used to have very lively and engaging discussions (and sometimes arguments) about a broad range of topics. That was much of what I liked about him. He was well-read and intelligent in addition to being fit and good looking. He was fun to be with. 

Now it seems the older he gets, the more misanthropic. It's quite disturbing. It's hard to be married to someone you don't like all that much anymore.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

kipani said:


> MSNBC, PBS, CNN, and even Fox are all looked down by a lot in other countries. They slant so hard they might as well just lie. If you want real american news, watch an unamerican news station. At least they're more honest. MSNBC is even worse than Fox. =/
> 
> If I were you, I'd just ask him to explain his views. Or cancel cable.


I don't think Americans realise just how extremist their media is.

Most americans are flat-out mind controlled. I wonder how they were before the invention of Radio? 

Probably very sensible and balanced and mind-your-own-affairs kind of people. We should all get back to that. Safer world.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

kipani said:


> MSNBC, PBS, CNN, and even Fox are all looked down by a lot in other countries. They slant so hard they might as well just lie. If you want real american news, watch an unamerican news station. At least they're more honest. MSNBC is even worse than Fox. =/
> 
> If I were you, I'd just ask him to explain his views. Or cancel cable.


I call it all "political porn." People watch what makes them "feel good" or re-affirms their worldview. It does little to add to the body of knowledge in the universe.

I'm liberal and even I see that Fox is more balanced than MSNBC. That said, Fox is more strategic. MSNBC seeks to gig outrage wherever it can - any issue of relevance across the day. Fox, in contrast, hones in on a single topic and hammers its theme of the day, all day.

In short, it's not your husband's fault. Roger Ailes and crew are masters at taking a single issue and casting it into a day-long echo chamber that manages to distort the true nuance of any individual situation. It's like Orwell's 1984. It may not be brainwashing, but - man - it's close. If you don't change the channel to hear other voices, it can be very, very addictive and very, very dangerous- intellectually. 

Today, it was the outrage over "Obamacare hiding Hispanics insurance sign-up information from immigration." Now, of course, this is designed to encourage low-income groups who need the insurance to sign-up for Obamacare. Fox touting it as outrageous government giveaway. Turn on Fox right now, I'll bet you'll hear discussion of that theme within 15 minutes. Then we get to tomorrow, and it will be a whole separate theme that will be addressed through that day. 

The only way to fight this is to brush up on the conservative playbook for the day. Usually, the orchestrated conservative talking points for the day are outlined in the Wall Street Journal and Fox News. Develop an intelligent understanding of their premise and be ready with facts and figures that undercut that position (usually not that tough to do). 

In short, brush up on the conservative playbook for the day and be ready to respond. Wish it were not the case, but recognize that this "political porn" hijacks individuals' capabilities to think for themselves. Remember, it's not your husband. It's that the modern political PR machine (on both sides) teaches people to be political parrots - not true thinkers.

If you do not have the strength or will to do this, then you have to avoid the discussion. If you prepare yourself to raise contradictory points in a congenial and kind way, though, you may actually help your husband steer out of the Fox/Rush-induced fog and return to being the self-reliant independent thinker that you married.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Im glad my wife and I share prettty much the same beliefs. I am more radical though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

MarriedTex said:


> I call it all "political porn." People watch what makes them "feel good" or re-affirms their worldview.


You madam/sir are a Genius.

This is exactly true. All forms of fantasy, and flattery have this in common, the substitution of the difficult to obtain real thing (which exists in time and space) with the instant no-intelligence-required wish-fulfilling parody of the real thing (porn.)

In the news, it's making you feel good about being a 'westerner'.

In advertising, it's making you feel 'middle-class', even though your debts are greater than the resale value of your assets.

In politics, it's YOU being part of making history (as if, right?)

In video games, YOU defeat Evil without leaving your couch.

When Fox news is talking about what the 'west' thinks, they are saying: "YOU are in the west. You are one of the chosen people. Here is what the 'west' has decided, Ergo, here is what YOU have decided. It's a great decision you made (snicker!) therefore, YOU are GOOD. GOOD boy!"

But what effort do they require? Minimal. Send some money. Support the troops. Pay your taxes. Buy the game.

Porn is everything which is gotten too easily, seems better than real life, requires minimal effort... which you can buy.

For me this includes happy-drugs. Instead of spending years sorting your life out and having meaningful experiences with real people, you can buy some crack and go on a heavenly trip inside your skull. But one's effect on the real world is zero.

Our governments are no more anti-drugs than they are anti-porn or anti-advertising. Believe it!

The appeal of Capitalism is all about Porn in it's many forms. People in other lands give away real assets and a good life, family ties and community and exchange it for a dream... that's how Capitalism wins.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzNUkWFDuKQ


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Before everyone gets too down on the USA, there are people in the UK who get their news from Russia Today and think they are getting the real deal, while everyone else falls for propaganda.

There is also the irritation that if you know what you are talking about on a scientific topic, you are held to be biased.

Clearly, the OP's husband was uncomfortable when his views were challenged. He reacted by defending his views and felt cut away when his wife did not appear to respect his views either. It is not reasonable behaviour. He then went to the internet to defend his views and gain affirmation.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Sandfly said:


> You madam/sir are a Genius.
> .....
> 
> When Fox news is talking about what the 'west' thinks, they are saying: "YOU are in the west. You are one of the chosen people. Here is what the 'west' has decided, Ergo, here is what YOU have decided. It's a great decision you made (snicker!) therefore, YOU are GOOD. GOOD boy!"
> ...


A very good analysis. Thanks. As a leftie, I had the same dislike of MSNBC, encouraging people to laugh at the white trash who watched Fox News.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Mr The Other said:


> A very good analysis. Thanks. As a leftie, I had the same dislike of MSNBC, encouraging people to laugh at the white trash who watched Fox News.


Agree. MSNBC is no better than Fox. People on both sides have an appetite for real information which they then satiate with pleasing - but ultimately harmful - junk food for the brain. 

It's like fast food. I like a Big Mac every once in awhile. But if you go to McDonald's everyday, you get fat.

If you consume nothing but slanted news, you become an intellectual sloth. I myself like watching an hour of Rachel Maddow every now and then, just to get the ol' indignant liberal juices flowing. But it would start altering my worldview too much if I watched her every night. 

An old Billy Joel song - can't remember the name but I think it was on the Glass Houses album - said it best: "If you don't change the channel, then it must change you."


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I contend that you have to watch both Fox and MSNBC to observe the differences in what they report. That's where you need to dig more if you're really interested in a topic. 

The other thing to watch for is how much of the 'reporting' is actually editorializing or ranting. The ranting makes people feel good about their position, but it doesn't really add anything to the discussion.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He sounds like a child.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

What movie were you watching?

Because it is funny that all of the Academy Award Winning Films this year were about the past.

Dallas Buyers Club was about the 80s
American Hustle was about the 70s
Philomena or however that one was spelled was abou the 50s/60s
12 Years A Slave - a couple of centuries ago
etc

so it is funny that he ranted about the trouble with Hollywood and America Today.

lol I'm just curious.

And next time - as you are saying "Yes Dear" and before you put your fingers in your ears and go LA LA LA LA LA
I would offer him a glass of prune juice and some more fiber since he is obviously constipated and hence the grumpy old man attitude

THAT - or he just wanted an excuse to leave the room and go play games or investigate more conspiracy theories online


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