# How do I get over depression and anxiety. I can't let go of the past.



## marie 1508 (Sep 7, 2012)

I'm 28 years old. I've had 2 pevious abusive relationships...then I found Mr right. Delusional or what? He showed me pics of his ex and told me not to bother asking him to get rid because he wouldnt. Flirty text messages to girls at work and i've recently found out that when we were in the first six months of our relationship he invited his ex to stay over at his for a few days (a different ex than the above mentioned). He failed to tell her he had a girlfriend and he obviously didn't inform me of his plans but tried to claim that it was all completely innocent. He now admits that at the time he wanted to have his cake and eat it(so to speak). He then goes on to tell me that he had feelings for this girl for the first six months of our relationship.(We have been together for 2 and a half yesars now). I had just moved in with him when i found this out. Everytime i find something out he claims it's innocent. I love him so much. My anxiety is bad, im suffering from depression and insomnia. On antidepressants and im ashamed to say ive even tried self halm(only scratches)want to stop feeling so low


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Wish I had some advise to give you that won't come out as something you already know or heard before. Get in IC as soon as you can first. The problem I faced with my depression and anxiety is the work I had to do on me. Had to quit looking else where for a fix to my inner problems and had to take my focus off my better half. Because that just distracted me from doing what I needed to do for me.

It does not sound like your BF is going to be honest if you are just finding out things here and there. You are going to have to sit him down and ask. Trickle Truth? I think you should get your self some help before you sit him down and ask him to tell you everything. You need to be calm and loving when you speak with him and able to handle the truth when it comes. 
Take care of you first.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Are you married? This guy needs the old El-Dumpo....


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## marie 1508 (Sep 7, 2012)

My doctor has refferred me to a councilor and put me on beta blockers. I must admit im not being fair by telling half a story....The flirty text messages....he said were just a joke, everyone at work does it but if it makes me feel unhappy he will stop (thats after we argued and he finaly admitted it was wrong). The photos he has got rid of. The invited the ex to stay is the worst though. All these have happened in the last eight months. When we first got together he was telling me how wonderful his ex was. How she had done modelling and maybe i should try the same. Felt like he was trying to turn me into het. I have struggled with an eating disorder and ive lost six stone. 3 of which, since we have been together. He says he cant notice. He just sees me. Then when he was massaging my legs he commented on how little muscle content i had. Also that i didint need to lose weight because skinny women arent attractive. I weighed 8 stone 10. He said if i wanted to lose more weight he would be behind me 100% if thats what i wanted. I found lots of pics of REALLY skinny girls on his laptop so he obviously does find them attractive. There are just loads of little things. I have a constant ache in my chest and i get chest pains if i think too much. Its not healthy. I will add that he is really nice to me in other ways. He makes me a cup of tea every morning, he massages me every night in the hope that i get some sleep. He has taken on my two kids and is fantastic with them. A great father figure. He says he wasnt sure he loved me when he did these things in the early stages but he thinks the world of me now and has done for some time. I really believe he is sorry. It's not as though he has cheated? I dont know if im being too harsh or not harsh enough. He forgot my birthday in the beginning our 1 year anniversary and didnt get me a valentines card on our first valentines day...now he makes much more effort. My trouble is that i remember every bad conversation word for word. My memory is too good with the negative.


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## marie 1508 (Sep 7, 2012)

correction.......I meant i only found these things out in the last eight months but they happened in the beginning of our relationship


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Cheating or not, he is being disrepectful.

You are having anxiety because you are in an unhealthy relationship. You are unhealthy and need some help. Get on it right away (counseling and meds perhaps). The anxiety is about you not being in control......this may help you gain ground.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

marie you're mixing up two different problems. One is a long history of personal issues that would persist and even get worse with or without your relationships, which you clearly embark on because you believe they will distract you from your interior problems or even shift the blame for them on to that other person. 

Now mind you, you seek out these little sh^ts because they are little sh^ts and somewhere in the back of your head you know that. These guys are all trash. Toxic, abusive bullying manipulative tyrants. And for what? They think they're what? God's gift to women? I mean you do know that the best way for these guys to hold on to you is to treat you like garbage because of your own self esteem issues, yes? Do you think you're garbage? You're not. You're probably a wonderful person. But your insecurity is what keeps you bringing these men to your life. 

My thought is that you need a female psychiatrist who specializes in female patients who are the victims of abuse and abandonment.


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## marie 1508 (Sep 7, 2012)

Thankyou for all your replies. xx


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