# My take on infidelity and divorces



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Having worked and done plenty of divorce cases generally i think i have a good taste and figures in regards to why most divorces occur and that infidelity is a leading cause. For marriage its like this 3/4 of divorces are filed by women you can check a hundred stats and find info on that. When women file for divorce 7/10 times or 8/10 times its because of (Infidelity, Verbal abuse, Physical abuse or a combo of all those). So majority of women are filing for divorce because of abuse or one of the above that happens to them in addition not being their emotionally and wives being ignored is apart of it but typically they find out hubby is cheating. Surprisingly unfit fathers that is say a bad role model and incapable of being around or supportive is not a huge reason women divorce i suspect in those cases the woman is often living in poverty or low income and just accepts it and tries to disconnect herself from him.

The other 3/10 or 2/10 times more likely 2/10 its because the woman is unhappy and thinks she can do better or she is ignored. 


With men its like this when they file for divorce its really split up all over the place usually breaks down like this men file for divorce about 25% of the time so roughly 75% of divorces are fled by women. 

When men divorce its like this (25% of the time they claim the wife is picky,controlling no fun- usually however in these cases more than likely the men do not divorce and instead have an affair and remove themselves emotionally from the marriage but still have some benefits) 50% of the times the wife cheated they cant take or forgive the fact another man was with her while they were together. That is understandable i dont get anyone who could forgive infidelity it 9/10 happens again.

the other 25% of the time its because they found a better woman and do not want commit infidelity or they found another woman had been sleeping with her and he decides to file for divorce before wife finds out, or him and his wife come to a agreement about how their marriage is not working and they both want a divorce and sometimes men will file for it first. However in these cases its usually because the man found another woman.


Id say from what i have seen and years of what i have seen that generally 80% of men maybe a little more will cheat and that 30-40% of women will cheat. In marriages id say about 60-70% tops of men will cheat and 20-35% of women in marriages will cheat. 50% of men did not know their spouse was cheating and 70% of women did not know there spouse is cheating. In addition generally the "smart" men what they will do is file for divorce while they are cheating and found another woman to avoid the wife finding out first and using that against him and typically when the man does this in advance he will lose out on less in regards to the divorce. Very few divorces are actually about money and very few women oddly do not divorce men the first time they cheat or the first time they may abuse them. Also from what i have seen women rarely file for divorce about being alone. Oh and college educated people within the same social class tend to divorce the least and cheat the least. But college educated women with very good career's tend to file for divorce like over 50% of the time when it comes to divorces between college educated people, i suspect this is because the woman is more career driven and realizes she can get a man who makes more money and is higher in status.

The poorer a woman is and the more career driven a woman is tends to directly be linked to her divorcing. 

The more rich a man is tends to be linked to him cheating more and divorcing more for the causes of he found a new wife. And the poorer a man is the more likely he is to divorce his wife.



^^this is just my take on why most divorces occur and as you can see infidelity is usually the leading cause. Most people are not divorcing (in my experience) because of financial issues or "the love just died"


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Hmm I always thought women were more "forgiving" of infidelity so it surprised me that it was one of the top reasons.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Complexity said:


> Hmm I always thought women were more "forgiving" of infidelity so it surprised me that it was one of the top reasons.


they are by far but majority of the time the man or this goes for cheaters in general will cheat again. So often when women have come and filed for divorce they will say "this is the ____ time he has cheated on me i cant take it anymore" so its usually occurred multiple times since the first occurrence.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Maybe more women are now more unforgiving and not as apt to just accept it because a lot of women these days have their own careers and are successful. They can take care of themselves financially. 

If a woman is a SAHM, they may feel trapped to stay with her H, since he is the only one with an income? IMO


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I couldn't follow your statistical analysis 99% of the time. You jumped around so much.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

/major reaction suppressed

Gonna call BS on men cheating (statistically significantly) more frequently than women.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Anubis said:


> /major reaction suppressed
> 
> Gonna call BS on men cheating (statistically significantly) more frequently than women.


I agree.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> Maybe more women are now more unforgiving and not as apt to just accept it because a lot of women these days have their own careers and are successful. They can take care of themselves financially.
> 
> If a woman is a SAHM, they may feel trapped to stay with her H, since he is the only one with an income? IMO


this is what i figure and seem's to be the case with women who come to file for divorce after the first time of infidelity often they hold a descent job.



Anubis said:


> /major reaction suppressed
> 
> Gonna call BS on men cheating (statistically significantly) more frequently than women.


You can look this up i could point you to like a million places that have gathered info data stats. I am not implying that women do not cheat because they do but you'd be surprised you really would. Not only that but if you took a evolutionary and biological view point towards the sexes and the inherent differences in the brain and the way the male and female grow up and how society and how throughout human history the roles of the sexes are its not far fetched at all to come to a conclusion that males will generally cheat more. The female is the more traditional, obedient and compassionate sex in addition to the more emotional sex while the male is programmed differently in addition males desires to impregnate and spread their seed. Many books have been done to death on how monogamy is not "natural" according to human evolution and order of course "natural" and "normal" are social constructs but on a large scale its generally held that for males monogamy is even harder than that for females. Which would make since seeing that the female is the pickier and choosier sex and for good reason from their sexual organs being different and the way they reproduce and have to deal with fear of pregnancy it would be irresponsible and detrimental to a female if she was to not be secure in her lifestyle especially when pregnancy comes around that combined with lower sex drives a number of differences in the brain in addition to societal influences would leave one to believe that for females in general its no wonder they partake in less risky behavior.


This was just my take on Infidelity and divorces mostly coming to my conclusion on why most divorces take place and that infidelity is a leading cause. From my experiences i do not for a second believe that most divorces are because of "financial maters" rather most are driven by some sort of abuse and infidelity. However you can believe whatever you want as i will believe from what i have researched and seen with my own eyes. With that being said its rare that men come in and file for divorce and when they do its usually like i said either because they found a new woman or their wife cheated on them and they are leaving. That happens not nearly as often as a wife is filing for divorce claiming some sort of abuse or infidelity.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yup, my husband left me...25% He was cheating but did not tell me.... he's with the ow now... sounds about right. Goldmember, do you have any stats on the success of those affairs? How long they last... etc.?
would love to know


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Yup, my husband left me...25% He was cheating but did not tell me.... he's with the ow now... sounds about right. Goldmember, do you have any stats on the success of those affairs? How long they last... etc.?
> would love to know


I`ve searched long, hard, and in vain for these exact stats.

The only research I`ve found that could be considered objective states that "roughly" 25% of marriages born of an affair succeed.

You will often see a 2-3% stat for marital success on this topic but it has no source other than some odd blogger molesting math in the very worst way.

I`ll try to find that one bit of research I mentioned and post it.

It`s been awhile.

Edit:

That 25% stat above comes from Frank Pittman.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-list...r-20&linkCode=sb1&camp=212353&creative=380553

Haven`t found his source yet so take if with a grain of salt.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Yup, my husband left me...25% He was cheating but did not tell me.... he's with the ow now... sounds about right. Goldmember, do you have any stats on the success of those affairs? How long they last... etc.?
> would love to know


no

sadly not however i have heard that they do not tend to last. I have stats for all that i posted and said as it pertains to my field of work. However as far as the success rate of those affair's i would not know.


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## Romeo_Holden (Sep 17, 2011)

most of the time men have lot more to lose in divorces unless the woman makes more money and even then women often get custody thus most men would not be too quick to divorce in situations like that. Secondly most men never even find out about their wife's affairs. financially women have a bigger incentive to walk away than men.


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