# Hello! Friendly advice please



## ..k.t21.. (Mar 1, 2021)

Hey guys and gals! 
Found this forum whilst searching for someone that possible has the same problem as me! 
Il try and make it short and sweet, promise! 
I've been married for 13years this year and I just find myself constantly trying to make effort with nothing in return, no effort from him whatsoever and the odd time he has done something its been from me prompting it, I had a miscarriage last month, he didn't seem bothered, we wasn't trying but it's still an awful thing to go through, I was abit down and snappy etc. Which I admit to but my head was somewhere else and all he'd say is why am I so miserable, what's up with me, I'm driving him mad etc. He makes time for everyone else but me, always on his phone, we never sit and have a conversation anymore. Am I hoping for something to last when it's already gone? I feel like my guard is up and I'm slowly leaving the relationship mentally.
I've never felt so alone, I have friends but I'm always there for them and listen to their problems, I know they're going through stuff themselves so wouldn't dream of putting this onto them. I want to help them not burden them! 
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm expecting people to reply to but I need to put it somewhere, tell someone, hoping someone understands! 

Have a lovely evening!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

..k.t21.. said:


> Hey guys and gals!
> Found this forum whilst searching for someone that possible has the same problem as me!
> Il try and make it short and sweet, promise!
> I've been married for 13years this year and I just find myself constantly trying to make effort with nothing in return, no effort from him whatsoever and the odd time he has done something its been from me prompting it, I had a miscarriage last month, he didn't seem bothered, we wasn't trying but it's still an awful thing to go through, I was abit down and snappy etc. Which I admit to but my head was somewhere else and all he'd say is why am I so miserable, what's up with me, I'm driving him mad etc. He makes time for everyone else but me, always on his phone, we never sit and have a conversation anymore. Am I hoping for something to last when it's already gone? I feel like my guard is up and I'm slowly leaving the relationship mentally.
> ...


He doesn't have an ounce of empathy, apparently, so I'm afraid you married someone who is defective. Sometimes people can be tolerable until something big and bad happens and then you see how deficient they are. I'm really sorry for your loss.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So he has NEVER had any sort of empathy or worry about you? Has he always been this cold?
I cannot fathom a husband who wouldn't care at ALL about a miscarriage.
Is he non-emotional like this with everyone? Could he be on the spectrum at all? How could he ask you WHY are you miserable, etc.? He can't REALLY be that clueless can he?

YOU should get to counseling especially for the miscarriage -- AND for your marriage on your own if he won't go.


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## Cooking4fun (Apr 9, 2017)

First off, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I am not judging your husband nor defending him when I ask if this is a typical response to tragic events. People have different coping mechanisms for tragedy. There may be more bottled up inside of him than you know. What I have personally noticed is how people have changed over the stress and uncertainties of the past year and dealing with the pandemic. I have seen more friends and family having to deal with death, separation from loved ones and quite frankly become somewhat hardened. My first advice is when the timing is right to ask him point blank how he feels. Then Tell him how you feel. It sounds like you are a kind hearted soul whom listens to others problems. Use those skills in your own situation. I truly wish you luck and hope this is a temporary bump in the road. Again, sorry for the loss.


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