# Now my ex is with a new man they are in love after only knowing eachother for 2 weeks



## Ltdan459 (May 10, 2018)

So an update to my story I guess I didn't read the website rules. 

Since July of 2017 Me and my ex were in a parents with benifets relationship after she left me 2 and a half years ago after she left me for some guy the guy she cheated on me with. The relationship she had with that guy lasted 2 years they broke up 10 times he also cheated on her then left her for his ex wife then right after we started seeing eachother. At first it was just sex to both of us but then things got more serious more romantic more dates kissing and hugging. More doing things with the kids together. That lasted 10 months up until May 4th 2018 when she ended it again after I took my car back I was letting her use after she said some hurtful things and well being well a B. And after she said she would rather have sex with a horse or someone with aides then to be in a relationship with me. I was doing a lot for her helped her with her rent,she helped with the kids on my days while I worked I did the same while she worked let her use my car put gas into it so she had a more reliable car for work and to transport the kids got her a job. Took her on dates and so on.

So after a week when my ex decided to again end our what ever you call relationship we had the parents with benifets she gets into a new relationship with a guy at the Job THAT I (I) GOT HER. This guy left a voice message don't ask how I know (I'm the one that got her the phone and set it up) anyway this guy left a message and at the end stated good night I love you. I was like wtf. 

Wow she jumped into this relationship fast just like the last one. A lot of things went in my mind 1 who loves someone after only knowing them for 2 weeks? Also when did he have the time to get to know my ex she had the kids that week also this guy is a body builder loves the Jim and working out like out of all the girls you have on your FB and Instagram you chose a women with baggage a women with 3 kids but then it hit me mabye he is just using her like the last guy the last guy said anything to get in her pants even saying he would marry her after the 1st month she left me when she was pulling awayfrom me and missing me and the kids but then back tracked once he got her closer. 

Yea well I got bit by the snake a 2nd time but won't get bit a 3rd time. I feel like betraide used abused. I mean I forgave her the first time wanted to work things out she ended up still going the Bernie the last guy but when he left and we started parents with benifets and more I just felt man we were geting close mabye we can work this out but no she was just stringing me along. It took me 5 months to move on after she left 2 and half years ago. It was a painful experience it was depressing. I wouldn'tsay I was fully over because I alowed her to come back but I was like what ever about it. What helped me move on was that after we got 50/50 of our kids she some how was awarded child support like wow you kicked me while I was already on the ground (Still was geting over the break up) also spending a lot and I mean a lot of time with my kids since then and now their mom dosnt want to deal with them our kids see that she puts these guys before them. 

I'm more mad and pissed off at my self knowing if I got back with her it would hurt again. I mean it's not as bad as before I'm not putting a to my head. But it Fing sucks.

I should not miss my ex I should not still love my ex but it's hard not to mabye in time mabye just thinking how Fed up she was to me would help.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife clearly has the emotional health of a 12 year old.

It's time for you to start interacting with her using the 180 ... see the link to the 180 in my signature block below. This will help you emotionally detach and move on. 

It's time for you to concentrait on yourself and your children.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

You know man, everyone told you when you first started posting about your "Wife" that she was poison. 

We told you to stay the hell away from her, but did you listen? No you just kept right on. 

Well you know what, this is your fault. You know she can't keep her pants on and she is always looking for the next guy. 

Why are you surprised about any thing she has done for the last several years?


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Well now you know all that you needed to know. Now stop snooping and get on with your life!

She was and still is no good for anyone.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nothing she does matters. Who cares if she thinks she's in love after two weeks. It's her life. You have your own to rebuild and you won't get there by obsessing about her.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm having a hard time understanding how she can be cheating when you had a "parents with benefits" relationship.

That isn't an actual relationship.

Is there a backstory I'm not familiar with?


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Ltdan459 said:


> I should not miss my ex I should not still love my ex but it's hard not to maybe in time maybe just thinking how Fed up she was to me would help.


Right now your feelings are conflicted, because you let them lead you into a bad situation where you gave your emotions even more control. We are supposed to be in control of our emotions rather than allowing our emotions to control us. Get control of yourself man and do not do something like this again.

I'm not saying to be emotionless. I'm saying to not let your emotions take control of your life. Emotions should enhance life not be the center of it.

Take this opportunity to let your logic lead you. Allow yourself to behave and feel based on what is healthy for you. As you now well know, your ex is not a healthy person for you to get involved with beyond co-parenting.

Right now you are very angry and hurt, but do not allow that to impact your parenting, otherwise, this is going to hurt your kids even more than it's hurting you. Don't jerk them around. Speak to them about how you love them and that's never going to change. Don't speak negatively to them about their mother and do not fight with their mother in front of them. In fact, don't fight with her at all.

There is no point in discussing any of this with your ex. Stop reading her messages or in any other way getting into her private business. Let her go entirely. Forgive her. Wish her well for the sake of your children, but do not get involved in her personal life beyond parenting. From now on, do not do anything with the kids and her together. That confuses the children and hurts them.

Move on. Take time to heal. Do not get involved in a rebound relationship. Get yourself together and move forward not only for your own sake, but for the sake of your children.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm having a hard time understanding how she can be cheating when you had a "parents with benefits" relationship.
> 
> That isn't an actual relationship.
> 
> Is there a backstory I'm not familiar with?


They were together 8 years, have 3 kids together. She has cheated and left numerous times throughout the entire relationship. During this time she's pulled restraining order, hauled him into court for child support. She has used him thru the entire relationship and he can't seem to realize how toxic this has been. 

Didn't she leave between kid 2 and 3 to move in with a new guy after only knowing him for a week? This is a constant repeated pattern she shows and he is nothing more than a safety net. He needs to just cut her out of his life and figure out why he keeps going back to her when she waves her finger and take an honest look at what this relationship truly was. He still has the rose colored glasses welded on.


----------



## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

For what it's worth my friend I have been through that. It's so hard to play by the rules when she is breaking ever rule in the book. I turned to God in my time of need. It was the "only" way I could keep from doing something very stupid. Surround yourself with people who value you. Your family, friends, us. Dont waste your time with where it went wrong. Focus on where you want yourself to be in 5 years and then get busy reaching that goal. God has a plan my friend. We are here if ya need us. 
Sincerely. Rick

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

honcho said:


> They were together 8 years, have 3 kids together. She has cheated and left numerous times throughout the entire relationship. During this time she's pulled restraining order, hauled him into court for child support. She has used him thru the entire relationship and he can't seem to realize how toxic this has been.
> 
> Didn't she leave between kid 2 and 3 to move in with a new guy after only knowing him for a week? This is a constant repeated pattern she shows and he is nothing more than a safety net. He needs to just cut her out of his life and figure out why he keeps going back to her when she waves her finger and take an honest look at what this relationship truly was. He still has the rose colored glasses welded on.



Well that does paint quite a different picture.

Why he'd not only have another kid but continue this "parents wth benefits" relationship is beyond me.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Why he'd not only have another kid but continue this "parents wth benefits" relationship is beyond me.


Complementary dysfunctions?


----------



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Ltdan459 said:


> The relationship she had with that guy lasted 2 years they broke up 10 times he also cheated on her then left her for his ex wife then right after


Wait...in two years, they broke up ten times, and she was willing to go back nine times? She does not sound like relationship material.



Ltdan459 said:


> we started seeing eachother.


Presumably BEFORE you know about her boomerang dysfunction, yes?



Ltdan459 said:


> At first it was just sex to both of us but then things got more serious more romantic more dates kissing and hugging. More doing things with the kids together.


"The" kids? Hers? Yours? Not sure it matters, but this was a surprise introduction to your narrative....



Ltdan459 said:


> That lasted 10 months up until May 4th 2018 when she ended it again after I took my car back I was letting her use


Wait - the relationship depended on you letting her have a free car? I'm not yet seeing any signs that she is relationship material. Nor you, if you didn't end it right there.



Ltdan459 said:


> And after she said she would rather have sex with a horse or someone with aides then to be in a relationship with me.


Just how clear a sign do you need that this woman is not prepared to have a healthy relationship with another adult?



Ltdan459 said:


> I was doing a lot for her helped her with her rent,she helped with the kids on my days while I worked I did the same while she worked let her use my car put gas into it so she had a more reliable car for work and to transport the kids got her a job. Took her on dates and so on.


Whose kids are you taking responsibility for here? Yours? Hers? Both? You were doing a lot for her, was some of what she was doing for you?



Ltdan459 said:


> So after a week when my ex decided to again end our what ever you call relationship we had the parents with benifets she gets into a new relationship with a guy at the Job THAT I (I) GOT HER. This guy left a voice message don't ask how I know (I'm the one that got her the phone and set it up) anyway this guy left a message and at the end stated good night I love you. I was like wtf.


So, she is still living the same lifestyle she had before you met. Did you expect something different? If so, why?



Ltdan459 said:


> Wow she jumped into this relationship fast just like the last one.


So what? According to the narrative, as it has unfolded so far, she is now your EX, not your current, and therefore you need to focus on what's in your future, not your past. Let her continue messing up other guys, and thank your stars that you're out of it. 

I would also point out that, so far in this story you've written, you have said nothing positive about her, so I can only imagine that the relationship was never very fun.



Ltdan459 said:


> A lot of things went in my mind 1 who loves someone after only knowing them for 2 weeks?


Doesn't matter. It's not your style, so you know what to do - avoid people like that and don't worry about why they are the way they are.



Ltdan459 said:


> Also when did he have the time to get to know my ex she had the kids that week also this guy is a body builder loves the Jim and working out like out of all the girls you have on your FB and Instagram you chose a women with baggage a women with 3 kids but then it hit me mabye he is just using her like the last guy the last guy said anything to get in her pants even saying he would marry her after the 1st month she left me when she was pulling awayfrom me and missing me and the kids but then back tracked once he got her closer.


They are her kids? Not yours? Why does any of this matter to you, a woman you said nothing good about, why would you want to even know about what she does?



Ltdan459 said:


> Yea well I got bit by the snake a 2nd time but won't get bit a 3rd time.


You mean this isn't the first self-centered, high-maintenance, emotionally abusive woman you've let manipulate and control you? Seems like it's time for you to figure out how to choose and respond differently, doesn't it?



Ltdan459 said:


> I feel like betraide used abused.


By yourself, by the way.



Ltdan459 said:


> It took me 5 months to move on after she left 2 and half years ago.


And you let her back in? My friend, that was not her fault, it's all on you.



Ltdan459 said:


> It was a painful experience it was depressing.


And you willingly let it happen all over again. Stop being your own worst enemy.

The first time was on her. Every time after is on you.

Break-up then make-up seems to work once, ever, in a person's lifetime. I don't know ANYBODY who has a success story after more than once.



Ltdan459 said:


> I wouldn'tsay I was fully over because I alowed her to come back but I was like what ever about it. What helped me move on was that after we got 50/50 of our kids she some how was awarded child support like wow you kicked me while I was already on the ground (Still was geting over the break up) also spending a lot and I mean a lot of time with my kids since then and now their mom dosnt want to deal with them our kids see that she puts these guys before them.


OUR kids? You made babies with this person who's incapable of good relationships? Why?!!!



Ltdan459 said:


> I'm more mad and pissed off at my self knowing if I got back with her it would hurt again.


Dude, you should be PRAISING yourself at having FINALLY realized that getting back with her would be stupid. That's the first inkling you've given that you actually think.



Ltdan459 said:


> I mean it's not as bad as before I'm not putting a to my head. But it Fing sucks.
> 
> I should not miss my ex I should not still love my ex but it's hard not to mabye in time mabye just thinking how Fed up she was to me would help.


Why do you miss her at all? You've said NOTHING about her that says there's any goodness in her.

Move on. It's hard, but all things in life of high value are hard.


----------



## Ltdan459 (May 10, 2018)

Dusty dogs Q and A.

Yes every time they broke up no idea who broke up with who first but yes they broke up 10 times if I recall how do I know she came to me and would tell me all the issues they had witch I have now Idea why when she left me for that guy. I her friends even her family who hates me told her the same thing that this guy was a POS a cheater and he was just using her witch he was. Yea her family who hates me told her in front of me and the new guy at a party that they like me more and she needs to get ride of the other guy. Also I have no Idea why in God's name Bernie they guy she was with would come to me on how to deal with my ex he wouldn't know what to do with her he'll he even asked me if I thought she was cheating on him witch I mean she was I know with me other then sex and yea me and Bernie thought there was a 3rd guy.

When we started seeing eachother again it was after Bernie left her in July 2017. Did I know about her issue before yes but was blined that's my fault.

KIDS? they were our kids when I was talking about. We have 3. After our first 2 daughters I left the relationship not our kids but her due to b's and just so much s hit and abuse from her physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Even her family treated me like s hit. When I left that's when she decided to go to a DV shelter just because her mom told her to she ended up keeping me from my girls for 3 months after I went to court to fight for cousdoty she hits me with my first temp Restraining order and the reason she said she got it was for her to get over me so she wouldn't have an a reason to contact me yea I know anyway the judge tossed it out and that's when we ended up geting back together the 1st time honestly she used sex to get me back because I was done with her just cared about my girls anyway after court we got our first apartment and that's when our son came to be. Long story short after 2 years we were back in court she cheated and the prosses started again and a 2nd temp restraining order placed then dismissed she broke her own order by texting and calling with love yours and miss you and so on. What more detail I made a YouTube vid of my life store about us. It's 15 minutes. 

No I didn't get her a free car I offered for her to use my car she never asked so that she had a reliable car to go to work and since she was helping me out watching the kids on my days I didn't want our kids to be in a death trap yea that van could not open anydoors other then the driver not only that but I did a lot of nice things for her helped her out when she was in a hole weather it be financially, emotionally or so on yes helped her with rent once just because I did not want my kids to end up on the street and yes I got her a Job with my company even paid her license (it would help me to by geting out of child support) anyway she started treating me like sh calling me names and said some hurtful things so I told her it was enuff I'm taking my car back and explain why. Now that's how this crap all started.

She is living this life stile? Be fire we met. No she was never like this I mean she was 16 when she had our first daughter I was 17. This lifestyle she lives is like she is single but she lives like she single with no kids if you know what I mean. She seems like she wish she didn't have kids anymore. I'm like the dad in full house they way he was with his kids and how involed he was way opiset of what she is.

You mean this isn't the first self-centered, high-maintenance, emotionally abusive woman you've let manipulate and control you? Seems like it's time for you to figure out how to choose and respond differently, doesn't it? Answer yes.


And you let her back in? My friend, that was not her fault, it's all on you. Answer yes now I see its my fault I just though things would be different 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ltdan459 View Post
It was a painful experience it was depressing.
And you willingly let it happen all over again. Stop being your own worst enemy.

Answer no I won't 

Yes I made children with her after our first daughter and right up to the 2nd we had a really good relationship but that when her mom the devil cam in and she allowed for her mom to cause all of the crap in the begaing.
Why do you miss her at all? You've said NOTHING about her that says there's any goodness in her.

We had good memmorie like when we had our first apartment until she allowed her mom to f that up there were both good and bad but I'm still trying to figure out why I even miss her or care.


----------



## Demot321 (May 3, 2018)

Ltdan459 said:


> Dusty dogs Q and A.
> 
> Yes every time they broke up no idea who broke up with who first but yes they broke up 10 times if I recall how do I know she came to me and would tell me all the issues they had witch I have now Idea why when she left me for that guy. I her friends even her family who hates me told her the same thing that this guy was a POS a cheater and he was just using her witch he was. Yea her family who hates me told her in front of me and the new guy at a party that they like me more and she needs to get ride of the other guy. Also I have no Idea why in God's name Bernie they guy she was with would come to me on how to deal with my ex he wouldn't know what to do with her he'll he even asked me if I thought she was cheating on him witch I mean she was I know with me other then sex and yea me and Bernie thought there was a 3rd guy.
> 
> ...


 Dude I'm going thrue a bad divorce, but holy crap. I think you need to do your best to be a good dad and pay whatever you have to for the kids, then focus on YOU. 
Focus on You. Go to the gym, read some books, get a second job. Completely get her out of your life and find out who you are, because right now you are way to much a part of her. 

You can choose to be a part of her destruction or you can let her fail on her own and make something of yourself.


----------

