# Treading in uncharted waters



## BelsBeast66 (3 mo ago)

Hello everyone, the wife and I are finding our way in a new world of re-discovery and hoping to expand our views and explore new areas of our relationship, both of us eager to start a new adventure together in an open and honest way. We hope to find new insights and understandings here. Joining a forum is definitely a new experience, I have/we have questions and look forward to reading real thoughts and opinions on a multitude of subjects. 

Married for 35+ yrs both in our late 50’s..


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BelsBeast66 said:


> Hello everyone, the wife and I are finding our way in a new world of re-discovery and hoping to expand our views and explore new areas of our relationship, both of us eager to start a new adventure together in an open and honest way. We hope to find new insights and understandings here. Joining a forum is definitely a new experience, I have/we have questions and look forward to reading real thoughts and opinions on a multitude of subjects.
> 
> Married for 35+ yrs both in our late 50’s..


Welcome to TAM!

I have real thoughts and opinions but usually no cares. Maybe it’s a new day for me since you’re here! 😁


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## BelsBeast66 (3 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM!
> 
> I have real thoughts and opinions but usually no cares. Maybe it’s a new day for me since you’re here! 😁


Thanks, glad to be here.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

A very impressive approach. So nice to read about people who don't have obvious problems.

A few thoughts from a 73 year old who has been married for 51 years. From the marriage counseling that saved our marriage, I would suggest a few topics. 

Sex is important to marriage. You have no idea how truly important it is until you stop having it regularly. Look up Yes/No/Maybe lists on the internet. There are lots, find one that is closest to the two of you. Fill it out separately and then discuss the reasons for each yes, no and maybe. After that shorten the list to a yes list and a maybe list (that is two yes's and two maybe's). Promise each other that you will try a new "thing" from each list say once a month of the first Xday of the month. Understand that as you age, one of you will be come frail before the other and you will need to redefine sex between you. At some point someone will have back, hip, shoulder or other medical problems that will require you to redefine you sexuality with each other. You might as well explore some options so you can adjust to things you have already tried.

Shared and changing goals in marriage is also very important. One of the things that really helped my wife and I was to share and visualize what we felt our marriage should look like in 5 years, 10, 15 and 20 years. As you get older the two of you want to spend more time together? Do you want to get deeper into hobbies each of you has separately. What happens when you retire? Do you want to travel? Do you both want to downsize your home to allow you more free time (less time cleaning gutters, mowing lawns, cleaning a large house, doing repairs and maintenance). If so what do you want to do with that free time.

One of the things I am very glad my W and I did was to start to plan our retirement about 5 years in advance. There are lots of resources for financial planning, but very few for the other aspects of retirement. We researched a lot of different aspects and visualized out goals and integrated them with our financial plans and physical fitness plans. Yes, as you get older exercise become much more important. We even went to marriage counseling as a tune-up prior to retirement. Sort of like taking your car into the shop to be checked out prior to starting a major cross country road trip.

For us, travel (and living in a place that would be safe to leave while we traveled) and living closer to our grandchildren was an important factor in our retirement planning. We also wanted a community where we would fit and could volunteer to give back. You and your spouses goals may be different.

Good luck.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Welcome to TAM....Put your boots on and pull up your underwear


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## BelsBeast66 (3 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> A very impressive approach. So nice to read about people who don't have obvious problems.
> 
> A few thoughts from a 73 year old who has been married for 51 years. From the marriage counseling that saved our marriage, I would suggest a few topics.
> 
> ...


I am so glad to hear from you and to be given such valuable advice, my wife and I have both read your response and appreciate your wisdom and advice. Thank you.


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