# The need to talk, constantly?



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I'm more writing this about my daughters, and not so much my wife. Sterotypical BS aside, why do they feel the need to fill in every conversation pause with talking? If I am sitting quietly in thought for just a few minutes, maybe listening to a good song or two, I'm labelled as "being moody" or "being in a bad mood"? Sometimes people like quiet and don't really have anything interesting to say. 

The same thing kind of applies when asked "What are you thinking about?" I hate to say it, but sometimes the crap I'm thinking about is so idiotic that I don't want anyone knowing I was thinking it. It can sometimes be the most unbelievably "out there" stuff. I don't want to tell my daughters or wife the stupid stuff I think about. 

So, how do I address these things without sounding moody or rude? 

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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

LOL, I've been trying to figure out the same thing. Sometimes we're just zoned out thinking about nothing, but that's not a good enough answer. And then it's like when I'm having a conversation with my wife and mid sentence she walks into another room or turns her back to do something while talking and I don't hear part of what she said, then she gets mad and tells me I never listen when I ask her to repeat herself. We just can't win. LOL


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I think some people talk constantly because silence feels awkward to them. Some people are uncomfortable with their own thoughts. I enjoy quiet time. I think this is because I spent much of my childhood alone; I learned to entertain myself from an early age, and I easily get lost in thought. Sometimes it's nice to sit with someone in silence... but you have to be very comfortable with the other person (and yourself) to do that, I think.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> I'm more writing this about my daughters, and not so much my wife. Sterotypical BS aside, why do they feel the need to fill in every conversation pause with talking?


Are your daughters teenagers yet? Most teens seem to have nothing to say to their parents.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Yep, both are teens. 

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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> I think some people talk constantly because silence feels awkward to them. Some people are uncomfortable with their own thoughts. I enjoy quiet time. I think this is because I spent much of my childhood alone; I learned to entertain myself from an early age, and I easily get lost in thought. Sometimes it's nice to sit with someone in silence... but you have to be very comfortable with the other person (and yourself) to do that, I think.


Nervous chatter drives me bonkers! 

Sometimes when people ask me what I'm thinking. I just say something like. "Oh, I'm just tired so I'm enjoying a little silence."


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

AtMyEnd said:


> LOL, I've been trying to figure out the same thing. Sometimes we're just zoned out thinking about nothing, but that's not a good enough answer. And then it's like when I'm having a conversation with my wife and mid sentence she walks into another room or turns her back to do something while talking and I don't hear part of what she said, then she gets mad and tells me I never listen when I ask her to repeat herself. We just can't win. LOL


Yeah, sometimes my wife will try to have a conversation while I'm on the toilet or brushing my teeth, and she's talking through the door from the other room. I usually respond "There's no way I can hear you while I'm brushing my teeth!"  

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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I wouldn't think it would be nervous chatter from my kids, but I guess some folks can't stand "The Sound of Silence"! 

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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)




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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Because they're teenagers! LOL. I'm still in my twenties so it wasn't that long ago that my friends and I would get the annoying stares and exasperated looks from all of our yapping. No, it wasn't because we were talking about boys, or ****ty girls, or speaking too loud or using expletives - we were convent girls so we knew not to say anything in public that could get us in trouble with the sisters. 

We had few worries, we were excited about growing up and the freedoms that came with it, excited about the world in general, everything still seemed so new and interesting, we were slowly finding out who we were and where we fit in, we thought we were so important and understood things that grown ups had no clue about, we were realizing that we had a voice, that we had opinions, differences etc etc. 

I was this bubbly person with my friends and their parents, and the exact opposite (a robot, according to my mom who pleaded with me at one time to speak up more) at home. There I said absolutely nothing beyond yes please, no thanks, the daily greetings and curt responses to questions asked of me. I grew in an abusive home where kids were seen and not heard. Yet my parents couldn't figure out why, as we got older, we never had anything to say about our day or an opinion to add when they asked. It added a somber ambiance to an already depressing environment. 

I can understand its frustrating but I would take a bubbly teenager over one who has little to nothing to say or is rude af, any day. It's a sign that they feel comfortable around you, they can trust you and their voices are valued.

That doesn't mean that you can't put them to sit down and explain that sometimes you need some quiet time. That not because you don't have anything to add means you're being moody or are in a bad mood. That in the very same way you can appreciate they enjoy conversing, they should respect your little moments of peace. That now that they're aware that it's natural to not always have something to say, they can look around and notice others who are just like you. Perhaps even some of their own friends.

Just talk to them and be straight up OP.


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## Edward333 (Feb 13, 2017)

AtMyEnd said:


> ...when I'm having a conversation with my wife and mid sentence she walks into another room or turns her back to do something while talking and I don't hear part of what she said, then she gets mad and tells me I never listen when I ask her to repeat herself. We just can't win. LOL



This sounds very familiar. My STBX wife did this all the time and accused me of not listening. It's called lazy communication - not making yourself heard and then accusing someone else of not listening. Very frustrating. She also would forget to tell me things that were planned in the future (Ex. birthday party for her nephew, etc.) and then accuse me of not remembering that she told me, when in fact she never did tell me. It happened so frequently that I thought I was going crazy. Meanwhile, I would make conflicting plans and she would take it out on me.

Done.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

I honestly just thought this was a feminine thing. Wasn't it said that women use, um, what was it again? 10,000 words a day while men use 5,000? Something like that. Their brain is in overdrive while a man has a unique ability of switching off. Of course this is a generalisation and all generalisations should be taken with a grain of salt.

I remember flings I had where the girl would ask me what I was thinking and I would answer, "Nothing." They found this so incredible. "How can you be thinking about nothing?" They would ask suspiciously. "You never just stay there and free up your mind and not think about anything?" This question was always met with a puzzled expression. LOL!
@AtMyEnd
My mother does the talking from the other end of the house and expecting me to hear her thing all the time.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

EunuchMonk said:


> I honestly just thought this was a feminine thing. Wasn't it said that women use, um, what was it again? 10,000 words a day while men use 5,000? Something like that. Their brain is in overdrive while a man has a unique ability of switching off. Of course this is a generalisation and all generalisations should be taken with a grain of salt.
> 
> I remember flings I had where the girl would ask me what I was thinking and I would answer, "Nothing." They found this so incredible. "How can you be thinking about nothing?" They would ask suspiciously. "You never just stay there and free up your mind and not think about anything?" This question was always met with a puzzled expression. LOL!
> 
> ...


@EunuchMonk Have you seen this video? I think you will appreciate it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> So, how do I address these things without sounding moody or rude?


Wear headphones without music and just nod your head at them as if your groovin!


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

@FeministInPink
lol thanks. now I have a name for it.
Her: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm in my Nothing-Box. Lemme alone."
Her: "Can I come in?"
Me: "Heavens, no. Watch some Lifetime™ or Keeping up with the Krazians."

I'll have to ask that question. Does she figure out how she feels by talking? I could see how that could make sense. For my part, I have already determined how I feel before I even open my mouth.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Edward333 said:


> This sounds very familiar. My STBX wife did this all the time and accused me of not listening. It's called lazy communication - not making yourself heard and then accusing someone else of not listening. Very frustrating. She also would forget to tell me things that were planned in the future (Ex. birthday party for her nephew, etc.) and then accuse me of not remembering that she told me, when in fact she never did tell me. It happened so frequently that I thought I was going crazy. Meanwhile, I would make conflicting plans and she would take it out on me.
> 
> Done.


My wife does the exact same thing. Sure there may be a time or two that I forget she told me we had plans or something to do, but the amount of times she tells me that she told me I know I didn't forget that much. lol


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

EunuchMonk said:


> @FeministInPink
> lol thanks. now I have a name for it.
> Her: "What are you doing?"
> Me: "I'm in my Nothing-Box. Lemme alone."
> ...


Sometimes I need to do that. I'm having FEELINGS but I can't sort them out internally, so talking everything through helps me to figure out what I'm really feeling about something. If I DON'T talk it out, then I end up brooding over it, and it takes me like 4x as long for me to figure it out if I have to do it internally.

EDIT: It's a great video, right? I haven't watched the full thing yet, just that little section... but it's very enlightening. And it makes total sense, when you think about it. I'm always seeing all those connections that men in my life (partner, boss, coworkers, friends) always seem to miss, and I find myself spelling these things out for them. (Sometimes it's really important, as in if I don't point out the error in their thinking, the results will be disastrous. Especially with my boss.) I used to think, how the heck does he not SEE this? Now I understand it's that our brains work differently.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

MrH used to ask me what I was thinking, I find it a weird question, if I wanted to talk about it I would.

As for kids chattering mine go through stages, sometimes they won't shut up and other times they just grunt or give me death stares.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> MrH used to ask me what I was thinking, I find it a weird question, if I wanted to talk about it I would.
> 
> As for kids chattering mine go through stages, sometimes they won't shut up and other times they just grunt or give me death stares.


My guy asks me that whenever I get lost in thought. I don't mind it, since my mind has a tendency to wander a lot (I'm one of those introverts that has a "very rich internal life"), but I don't usually have a good answer because my brain is always in hyperdrive, and for me to explain what I was thinking in that moment is usually impossible. 

He says he's just trying to understand me better and how my brain works. And all I can think is, good luck with that, buddy!


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> Yep, both are teens.


As you may already know, many parents of teens would like to have your problem.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> The same thing kind of applies when asked "What are you thinking about?" I hate to say it, but sometimes the crap I'm thinking about is so idiotic that I don't want anyone knowing I was thinking it. It can sometimes be the most unbelievably "out there" stuff. I don't want to tell my daughters or wife the stupid stuff I think about.


I know what you mean, kind of like this:



I've found the best thing that works for me, when a woman asks what I'm thinking, is to tell them exactly what stupid crap is going through my head at that moment. They soon learn not to ask as often.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Yep, both are teens.


Is there a time teenage girls AREN'T talking? I can only take them in measured doses or my head explodes.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

EunuchMonk said:


> Wasn't it said that women (use) 10,000 words a day


When the ex and her daughter lived with me she (the daughter) could burn through those 10,000 words by breakfast.

And I loved it!!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> Are your daughters teenagers yet? Most teens seem to have nothing to say to their parents.


Not my daughters


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

My son is 15 and only gives me 1 word answers but my 10 year old son is still a chatter box and the 8 year old is the only one in the house that can carry on a long conversation with me. Not looking forward to when he becomes a teenager. I ask DH what he was thinking during our intimate moment because I'm trying to get close to him only to have the common response "nothing " while my brain just kept going on and on with how good he was making me feel but he wasn't keen on me giving him a play bt play of the current events, lol.

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## trapsoul (Apr 14, 2017)

i feel this way often, silence with loved ones feels uncomfortable to me, however silence with strangers is welcomed.

my husband sometimes has to tell me to get to the point. it may not seem like it but us talkers know we talk A LOT and we honestly do try to tone it down even though it may not seem like it. lol


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Sometimes they talk so much you don't even get a chance to respond.

When they ask what your thinking ........have a couple responces you can fling out .

Just about how lucky I am to have such a sexy loving wife now come over here and give me some lovin!

That i feel a nice fart commin on!

That a new gun ,motorcycle,tool, might be in my future.

Or if you really want some alone time.

That you never shut up !!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

FeministInPink said:


> My guy asks me that whenever I get lost in thought. I don't mind it, since my mind has a tendency to wander a lot (I'm one of those introverts that has a "very rich internal life"), but I don't usually have a good answer because my brain is always in hyperdrive, and for me to explain what I was thinking in that moment is usually impossible.
> 
> He says he's just trying to understand me better and how my brain works. And all I can think is, good luck with that, buddy!


I'm right there with you! I can be overly focused at times but many times my mind is a million miles away and still traveling. If I tried to explain to someone what I was thinking at the moment they asked and then explained how my thoughts got to that point they would be lost in an instant! My thought process would appear to be random to others but in my mind each thought is connected or triggered by the last thought…so it all makes sense.

I was raised in a family that didn't talk much, we said what was necessary but never much wasted conversation. My kids are just like me, when they were younger it drove their mom (my then wife) nuts to the point she would literally yell at us as being a bunch of grumps! 

Truthfully many times I think it's an insecurity thing, silence must mean there's something wrong to many, so they always need to fill that void with irrelevant chit chat.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My parents always wanted to "speak up." Anything less than enthusiastic was described as "acting all stupid." (My parents liked throwing those words, "all" and "up" around.

Sadly, what I discovered when I got into that big wide world out there is the popular girls were the ones who spoke less. Not that they were rude. They obviously had nothing to prove.

OP, may be you can head your daughters off nicely and so that they can learn better social skills. When they ask a question you don't need to answer, just say sweetly "and why do you ask?" Smile and **** your head to the side. Whenever someone asks you a question that you can't hear, tell them you can't hear them and wait until they come to you.

I wish I had learned sooner rather than later, that I am not required to answer every question put to me. And if people need answers they can come to me, not vice versa.

Not sure how your daughters would interpret your behavior. That is, if you don't change, will they ask other people all sorts of annoying questions and then get mad when they don't get an answer. OR, will they assume that they're the question asker around here, and no one else will take their place.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

TX-SC said:


> Yep, both are teens.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


honestly be grateful that they WANT to talk with you. Perfect opportinity to find out what is going on in their life


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Because they're teenagers! LOL. I'm still in my twenties so it wasn't that long ago that my friends and I would get the annoying stares and exasperated looks from all of our yapping. No, it wasn't because we were talking about boys, or ****ty girls, or speaking too loud or using expletives - we were convent girls so we knew not to say anything in public that could get us in trouble with the sisters.
> 
> We had few worries, we were excited about growing up and the freedoms that came with it, excited about the world in general, everything still seemed so new and interesting, we were slowly finding out who we were and where we fit in, we thought we were so important and understood things that grown ups had no clue about, we were realizing that we had a voice, that we had opinions, differences etc etc.
> 
> ...


keke, after reading
of your various posts I'm amazed you were a convent girl !


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> keke, after reading
> of your various posts I'm amazed you were a convent girl !


You mean I don't actively display class, honor and decorum? :surprise: I'm shocked!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

@Keke24

Here's a song for you:


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> @Keke24
> 
> Here's a song for you:
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z92bmlcmyq0


Awesome song! Wish we knew about this music in high school. Sounds like the perfect anthem for everything anti-Christian. The sisters would have had a fit.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Keke24 said:


> Awesome song! Wish we knew about this music in high school. Sounds like the perfect anthem for everything anti-Christian. The sisters would have had a fit.


or could this be more fitting? :wink2: (RIP J Geils)


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> or could this be more fitting? :wink2: (RIP J Geils)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqDjMZKf-wg


muahahahahaha this one we could've easily snuck into a school show as background music. The sisters would have been none the wiser. They would have welcomed this over our raunchy dancehall music, i'm imagining them jamming to it lololol


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

@Keke24

glad to be able to amuse you.


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