# How do men move on so fast???!!



## fall222 (Nov 26, 2016)

Married dude. You are absolutely correct. I just need to find a way to keep pushing on. I will just continue to date and try to be happy on my own. I think I'm just still grieving or something. And it almost seems unfair that he is over it and has moved on. Your are right. And if he could truly move on that fast. I know he did not love me the way that I loved him. I see that now. 

Just wanted to say thanks.


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

fall222 said:


> Basically the main reason I broke up with him is he would not marry me after 4.5 years. He had been saying he wanted to get married right along but he would not propose. Marriage is important to me and I did not want to settle for just living together as a child was involved. There were some other issues regarding his placing his ex as a higher priority than me as well. During our last few conversations it became very clear to me that he is scared to marry and he needed more time after 4.5 years. I was done waiting. I'm a very committed person and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. And he always told me the same. But actions speak louder than words. I also don't believe in living together prior to marriage especially when kids are involved. He knew this right along and I feel he just kept me hanging on.





fall222 said:


> Married dude. You are absolutely correct. I just need to find a way to keep pushing on. I will just continue to date and try to be happy on my own. I think I'm just still grieving or something. And it almost seems unfair that he is over it and has moved on. Your are right. And if he could truly move on that fast. I know he did not love me the way that I loved him. I see that now.


Some people just aren't good at being alone. They need someone in their life, and no matter how unhappy they are in the relationship, they don't leave because they still think it's better than being alone. These people often have exit affairs, getting the next relationship lined up before ending the first one. Or, they have potential partners waiting in the wings, so they can move quickly onto one in the event of being dumped. Or they latch on to the first person they meet afterwards, and convince themselves the relationship is awesome because it's better than the last one.

Your ex sounds like one of these types. He never truly wanted to marry you, or he would have, but he told you what he needed to tell you for as long as he could get away with it, so he wouldn't get dumped and be alone.

You are a different person, with different values and different ideas of the point of relationships.

It absolutely does seem unfair that he's apparently happily ensconced with someone else already, while you are taking time to be alone and grieve the lost potential you thought you had with him. But you want different things out of a relationship. He just needs a warm body, apparently. He's got one again, so he's happy again.

Personally, I think your way is much better. And don't feel bad about being taken advantage of for so long. It's testament to you being a good person, and him faking it well. Take pride in your independence, and make your own happiness instead of relying on someone else for it.


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

fall222 said:


> I broke up with my BF of 4.5 years about 7 months ago. I won't get into the reasons why here, but my question to you men involves how and why men get over break ups so easily. My ex had a new GF within 3 weeks of our break up and is still with her.
> 
> I on the other hand am still extremely heart broken that things had to end and i have been dating but I just haven't found someone that I would be interested in dating long term. I even had a casual 3 month dating relationship that did not work out because he moved away.
> 
> ...


I can say that I have not been able to let go and move on since my breakup. As your ex told you about being soul mates and meant to be together, mine said those very words to me as well. It has been over a year and I still feel like she SHOULD be the one. I have had great difficulty letting go as my heart just won't let me. So it is not just a guy thing.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Four and a half years is a long time....

Did you do something that off-put him..

Flung his mind and body away from yours?

You are avoiding this important question.
.....................................................................................................................

I think he fell out of love with you much earlier and much longer than you suspect. He left three weeks ago with little to no love for you. He gave you a long trial. It did not pan out [in his mind].
.....................................................................................................................

His supposedly NEW three week old love may have been a secret side love that got promoted to top billing.
.....................................................................................................................

Dunno...

Just Sayin'


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

fall222 said:


> I broke up with my BF of 4.5 years about 7 months ago. I won't get into the reasons why here, but my question to you men involves how and why men get over break ups so easily. My ex had a new GF within 3 weeks of our break up and is still with her.
> 
> I on the other hand am still extremely heart broken that things had to end and i have been dating but I just haven't found someone that I would be interested in dating long term. I even had a casual 3 month dating relationship that did not work out because he moved away.
> 
> ...


This a complete generalization. Some can some can't, some women can, some women can't. Your boyfriend was just and *******.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

My emotions don't seem to work. I view my relationships like business transactions: I pay for dinner/drinks/dates, and she sleeps with me. There is usually more to it than that, she would want to talk, and discuss, but I wouldn't open up or share my feelings, or my past. We'd have to support each other in various hobbies/interest, but I didn't see it as more than that. Ex's might, and probably did, but I didn't. 

As for your boyfriend, sounds like he has monkey syndrome. A monkey jumps from branch to branch, but never lets go of the last branch until it has a firm grasp on the next branch. Hence; keeping a firm grip on his relationship to you, until he knows his next relationship is ready and good to go. 
Or he met this chick and didn't know how to break up with you, so he dragged this relationship out a lot longer than necessary.


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

fall222 said:


> Ok everyone. Basically the main reason I broke up with him is he would not marry me after 4.5 years. He had been saying he wanted to get married right along but he would not propose. Marriage is important to me and I did not want to settle for just living together as a child was involved. There were some other issues regarding his placing his ex as a higher priority than me as well. During our last few conversations it became very clear to me that he is scared to marry and he needed more time after 4.5 years. I was done waiting. I'm a very committed person and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. And he always told me the same. But actions speak louder than words. I also don't believe in living together prior to marriage especially when kids are involved. He knew this right along and I feel he just kept me hanging on.



After he went through the marriage and divorce scam as man why would you ever expect him to do it again? Men are almost always on the losing end whether it's in regards to alimony or child support. Plus it doesn't take much for a guy to lose way more than 50 % of the assets with some false DA charges. Why do you feel entitled to have a man sign a suicidal contract with you and the government?


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

fall222 said:


> so for men it's about sex..???


Of course! At first, that's why most men enter a relationship.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

fall222 said:


> Married dude. You are absolutely correct. I just need to find a way to keep pushing on. I will just continue to date and try to be happy on my own. *I think I'm just still grieving *or something. And it almost seems unfair that he is over it and has moved on. Your are right. And if he could truly move on that fast. I know he did not love me the way that I loved him. I see that now.
> 
> Just wanted to say thanks.


Of course you are grieving. You lost your best friend...of 4.5 years. This would not be easy for anyone. Anyone with empathy and a warm heart. 

He seems to have less empathy than most. 

His heart lives in the Temperate zone {~ 45 deg. latitude}, not in the hot Tropics {0-15 deg. latitude}.

Pick a [hot blood] pumper next time.

Just Sayin'


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

fall222 said:


> I broke up with my BF of 4.5 years about 7 months ago. I won't get into the reasons why here, but my question to you men involves how and why men get over break ups so easily. My ex had a new GF within 3 weeks of our break up and is still with her.
> 
> I on the other hand am still extremely heart broken that things had to end and i have been dating but I just haven't found someone that I would be interested in dating long term. I even had a casual 3 month dating relationship that did not work out because he moved away.
> 
> ...


Honestly? I have the feeling he was ALREADY seeing her while he was with you and they just waited a few weeks before going public with it.

Secondly, the one who loves the least in a relationship has the most power. That's why he's able to move on with very little difficulty. I think he was emotionally 'gone' before you officially broke up, and that's another reason he seems to be moving forward with no problem.

I truly don't mean to sound glib, but one day you're going to realize that this was for the best.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Stale thread y'all dug up here...


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

But the topic is not stale, 

I will say that the appearance of moving on and actually moving on are two different things.

There must be some explanation why people keep going back to ex'es even decades after they were done forever with them.

Men like to swagger and say it was nothing, yet I've seen tough guy serial cheaters break down and cry like a baby when their wives throw them out. 

Tamat


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

fall222 said:


> How do men move on so fast???!!


Because...












Don't worry though, because...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Stang197 said:


> After he went through the marriage and divorce scam as man why would you ever expect him to do it again? Men are almost always on the losing end whether it's in regards to alimony or child support. Plus it doesn't take much for a guy to lose way more than 50 % of the assets with some false DA charges. Why do you feel entitled to have a man sign a suicidal contract with you and the government?


Then he shouldn't have told her that he would one day marry her. If the OP was told clearly that he wouldn't ever remarry, and chose to stay anyway, that's on her. That's not what happened though.

You did the right thing OP, sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make. You don't want someone to marry you out of obligation or due to an ultimatum. That would be awful for both of you.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Men are easier at wanting sex, yes. But when a man falls in love (and we do) - breaking up can be very hard for us as well. If we don't care about the other person - then, well - we don't care. Many women are like this way as well. Sex is sex. Sex is not love.

The woman I was in love with - before my wife... was 3+ years before. It took 3 years and several dozen women before I MOSTLY forgot about her (I met my wife). I would be with a woman during sex or after sex - wanting it to be her.

But for many men, we're just jerks who don't care.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

frusdil said:


> Then he shouldn't have told her that he would one day marry her. If the OP was told clearly that he wouldn't ever remarry, and chose to stay anyway, that's on her. That's not what happened though.
> 
> You did the right thing OP, sometimes the right decision is the hardest one to make. * You don't want someone to marry you out of obligation or due to an ultimatum. * That would be awful for both of you.


Totally agree.

My oldest sister has spent nearly 50 years trying to make a marriage work that should have never been in the first place. 

Don't be her.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

TaDor said:


> Men are easier at wanting sex, yes. But when a man falls in love (and we do) - breaking up can be very hard for us as well. If we don't care about the other person - then, well - we don't care. Many women are like this way as well. Sex is sex. Sex is not love.
> 
> The woman I was in love with - before my wife... was 3+ years before. It took 3 years and several dozen women before I MOSTLY forgot about her (I met my wife). I would be with a woman during sex or after sex - wanting it to be her.
> 
> *But for many men, we're just jerks who don't care.*


Think long and hard about the bolded, OP.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Men can fall DEEPLY in love relatively quickly. The guys I work with have hung every semblance of normalcy and mental well-being on the shoulders of their relationship. After years of this the wife resents the pressure of being "everything" to her man, and leaves him. Then he's left feeling completely helpless and VERY quickly jumps into another relationship (thank you, online dating). The ex usually says something to the effect of "Wow... you sure got over us and moved on quickly." No, he was just a scared little boy who is conditioned and doesn't know how to function on his own.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I do not think men move on more quickly. Indeed, men have more serious episodes following life-changing events. 

That said, men tend to be simpler, and you move on. I spoke with a friend who was divorced and he notes that some men with lower sex drives in their 50's and 60's simply call it a day with women. Devastated by a failed marriage with infidelity and believing they did the best they could, they decide life is simpler and less stressful without women. Do note the obvious, perhaps your boyfriend wanted to see you with another woman.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

I do know guys in their 60~70s who STILL date and have sex with women.

As long as my tool works, I'd still wanna make use of it. But I'm in my mid-40s.... 

PS: When I say MANY MEN ARE JERKS. I don't know if its most. I know / knew of guys who give a damn... and some who didn't.

Women and Men have different issues when it comes to relationships.


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