# Best Book on Infidelity



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

Anyone have any recommendations? 

Specifically a book that addresses the anger and pain, and how to understand the DS rationalizations?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

"After the Affair"
forgot the author..something "Abraham"

Heard about it from Playboy Radio

I liked it it gave me the insight I needed durying d-day+1. It helped me make that very tough dicision in staying or leaving my cheating wife.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

It's by Janis Abrahms Spring, and I recommend it too! Granted, it's the only one I've read, but I feel like it's the only one I need.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

To be honest, stay away from, 
Surviving an Affair by Willard F. Jr. Harley and Jennifer Harley Chalmers

I found this to be annoying, and I plan on junking it. The last few chapters on recovery make sense, but he pretty much blames the BS for the affair, and pretty much asks them to try to forget what happened. He writes it in a way that seems like he has never been threw it. 

Two books that I like (for both parties even tough they are geared towards the WS setting things right.) are, 

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful - by Linda J. MacDonald M.S.
and
Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli

The first focuses on healing. Tries to make the WS understand whats going on, and puts it point blank they F-ed up and they need to buck up. (in a nicer way of course) and there is a chapter in there for the LS.

The second I have only read random chapters in because my DW is reading it right now. Kind of the same as the first but with prevention rules as well. And a chapter or 2 for LS as well.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Bigwayneo said:


> To be honest, stay away from,
> Surviving an Affair by Willard F. Jr. Harley and Jennifer Harley Chalmers
> 
> I found this to be annoying, and I plan on junking it. The last few chapters on recovery make sense, but he pretty much blames the BS for the affair, and pretty much asks them to try to forget what happened. He writes it in a way that seems like he has never been threw it.


I also don't like 'Surviving An Affair'.The story of Sue and Jon is so monstrous that only a man with the fortitude of Job would have tolerated so much pain inflicted by his wife. She was remorseless and blamed her husband for her affair. I doubt many men and women would tolerate the amount of abuse that Sue inflicted on her husband Jon.

Furthermore Dr Harley does not provide a plan for healing the betrayed spouse. For Dr Harley it is the survival of the marriage that is important not the survival and/or healing of the betrayed.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

I'm 50/50 on surviving the affair. The Jon and sue story sounds like me and my wife without the insane patience. I did find the story useful. Can't say much for the reconcilliation part because I'm not there yet. I also despised how he portrayed the fact that the bs was to blame. That as we know is partly true. The bs is to blame for problems in the marriage but not for the affair. It's only the ws who's to blame. I did however enjoy the way Jon did the letter and will be using one of my own soon

I really likes not just friends. That one made the most sense from a complete standpoint. Also first aid for the betrayed is pretty decent. It's from a males perspective which is a good Change of pace pace. I started reading when good people have affairs ( or something like that) and couldn't get past the first few chapters because the author sounded like an idiot. 

That's my 2 cents .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

morituri said:


> I also don't like 'Surviving An Affair'.The story of Sue and Jon is so monstrous that only a man with the fortitude of Job would have tolerated so much pain inflicted by his wife. She was remorseless and blamed her husband for her affair. I doubt many men and women would tolerate the amount of abuse that Sue inflicted on her husband Jon.
> 
> Furthermore Dr Harley does not provide a plan for healing the betrayed spouse. For Dr Harley it is the survival of the marriage that is important not the survival and/or healing of the betrayed.


Yep, The book is in my bathroom right now (until I get another NG from my grandparents) and every time I reread that part I get so upset. I really do plan on just getting rid of this book and to be honest, upset that I bought it. He really writes it with out going threw it (or that is how it reads).


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> I also don't like 'Surviving An Affair'.The story of Sue and Jon is so monstrous that only a man with the fortitude of Job would have tolerated so much pain inflicted by his wife. She was remorseless and blamed her husband for her affair. I doubt many men and women would tolerate the amount of abuse that Sue inflicted on her husband Jon.
> 
> Furthermore Dr Harley does not provide a plan for healing the betrayed spouse. For Dr Harley it is the survival of the marriage that is important not the survival and/or healing of the betrayed.


Funny, I just checked out "Surviving and affair" from the library but have not started reading it. I am however reading "Torn Asunder" but cant think of who the author is off the top of my head.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Funny, I just checked out "Surviving and affair" from the library but have not started reading it. I am however reading "Torn Asunder" but cant think of who the author is off the top of my head.


Some people love it, and more power to them. Again, it reads as though he is blaming the affair on the BS and putting just as much weight on there shoulders as the WS. :scratchhead:


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

i picked this one up last week

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful - by Linda J. MacDonald M.S.

it was very clear and easy to read...

if your WS ever gets their head out of their ass and decides to reconcile, this book is what you give them...im giving a copy to my mother in law to give to my wife when it happens..

mind you its only good for helping with reconcilliation. it will not help the other problems you have in your marriage that left them vunerable to the affair...but along with proper marriage counseling, itll make it easier to get through it and help the WS understand what needs to be done...


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

elph said:


> i picked this one up last week
> 
> How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful - by Linda J. MacDonald M.S.
> 
> ...


Yep, its a great book. very "realistic" view about the pain and expectations how to toughen up and own up to what the DL did.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Funny, I just checked out "Surviving and affair" from the library but have not started reading it. I am however reading "Torn Asunder" but cant think of who the author is off the top of my head.


Dave Carder is the author of "Torn Asunder".


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. The absolute best book I've read on infidelity.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. The absolute best book I've read on infidelity.


:iagree: I read through 5 different books, this is the only one I really found true value in.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Best book? Whatever's heavy to throw at his head.


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## Tzu68 (May 9, 2011)

The Snare by Lois Mowday Raby was a good read and definitely Not Just Friends--they helped the BS and the WS.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I'm a betrayed husband as well and since you did ask, I would recommend to other BS (LS) to read instead Dr James C Hobson's book 'Love Must Be Tough'. It delivers the goods by giving the BS (LS) the steps to maintain his dignity by essentially showing his cheating wife that he is not going to be waiting for her to come back. The betrayed husband should not tolerate any abuse from his cheating wife including any thoughts in her mind that he is a doormat and her consolation prize if her relationship with the OM implodes.

Dr Harley's 'Surviving An Affair' Jon and Sue story did nothing but show how much abuse Jon had to tolerate from his WW Sue - whom he found naked, having sex with the OM in their matrimonial bed - and how even after she got dumped by the OM for another woman when they started living together and facing the cruel facts of life, she still blamed Jon for her affair. Supposedly, Jon eventually got over it but no thanks to that poor excuse of woman's behavior, Sue. If it wasn't for Jon's daughters, he would have bolted from the marriage. It would be interesting to see if a follow up on Jon and Sue shows if the two are still together.

Furthermore I find it also interesting that the same man who tells BS (LS) to suck it up, Dr Willard Harley, has said publicly on his website that he would divorce his wife if she ever had an affair. Go figure:scratchhead:


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

morituri said:


> I'm a betrayed husband as well and since you did ask, I would recommend to other BS (LS) to read instead Dr James C Hobson's book 'Love Must Be Tough'. It delivers the goods by giving the BS (LS) the steps to maintain his dignity by essentially showing his cheating wife that he is not going to be waiting for her to come back. The betrayed husband should not tolerate any abuse from his cheating wife including any thoughts in her mind that he is a doormat and her consolation prize if her relationship with the OM implodes.
> 
> Dr Harley's 'Surviving An Affair' Jon and Sue story did nothing but show how much abuse Jon had to tolerate from his WW Sue - whom he found naked, having sex with the OM in their matrimonial bed - and how even after she got dumped by the OM for another woman when they started living together and facing the cruel facts of life, she still blamed Jon for her affair. Supposedly, Jon eventually got over it but no thanks to that poor excuse of woman's behavior, Sue. If it wasn't for Jon's daughters, he would have bolted from the marriage. It would be interesting to see if a follow up on Jon and Sue shows if the two are still together.
> 
> Furthermore I find it also interesting that the same man who tells BS (LS) to suck it up, Dr Willard Harley, has said publicly on his website that he would divorce his wife if she ever had an affair. Go figure:scratchhead:


:iagree::iagree:

Its a crazy book. I am not even going to give it away. I am going to throw it away, burn it, something. It does nothing to help the BS, and lets the WS think they can walk all over the BS and make them think its there fault for it.


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