# confused



## tryagain (Sep 12, 2010)

My husband lost his father to cancer and a fire in Jan 2009, I was with him the 12 days his father was in the burn unit. Spent the night in the hospital, took time off of work, took care of his kids and his mom. His mom then was diagnosed as having cirossis of the liver from being an alcholic. I helped him the 14 mths she dealt with this and was with him the day she passed away. All this time I had a full time job and he was not working. I have 2 kids and his 2 kids to take care of. I did all the house work, he sometimes cooked dinner. His family was nowhere to be found until the very end and them they all had their hands out.
He expects me to be with him every minute and gets upset when I'm doing stuff with my kids. He wants to take vacations without the kids, the only ones to watch his kids are mine and his kids are special needs kids and mine are both under 18 and in high school. 
I feel like I've lost me. I can't explain this to him correctly. I don't know why I married him, now. all i am is a care giver for his kids. He continually complains that we don't have sex anymore. He never holds my hand, puts his arm around me or hugs me just because. I have to start everything. I am in minapause so sex is difficult for me.
He critasizes my kids constantly. they can never do anything right. neither can I. He thinks his ideas should be my ideas. I should always agree with him. 
I told him I thought we should seperate to see if I can get my head straight and find me again. Oh he didn't like that. He took his kids and moved out, after about 3 weeks of packing. Now he says he's not going to wait for long and that this is not the way to fix anything. I like being by myself. Just me and my 2 kids. It's nice and quite, I don't have to answer to anyone. I can read a book if I want without talking to anyone. I don't have to watch TV if I don't want. I can browse the net if I want without someone looking over my shoulder to see what I'm doing and when I'll be done. I'm not told when to go to bed or questioned if I get up earlier than normal. 
Is this good or bad?? Ask him back or try counseling? is he just to controling and will never change? 
Ideas Please???????


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think you should let him go. If you and your children feel happier in the home without him there, keep it that way. You can't change him, he has to want to change, and nothing in what you've written implies that he even wants to try.

Ask your children how they feel about him, make sure they know you want them to answer for themselves, not an answer that they think might be what you want to hear. They have to live with him too, so their feelings should come into consideration. They might like living with an unstressed, happier mother over living with the two of you in an unhappy relationship.


----------



## TwyztedChyck (Sep 11, 2010)

You seem to have been trying to juggle his life AND yours. Misery loves company and he seems like a miserable person. Things in this world are either positve or negative, and this was a negative situation. By all means walk away from negativity. Like the old saying goes, "you can do bad by yourself". I'd live my own life, smother my 2 kids with love and kisses, and lay my head down easy at night. I think you're right on trac
k.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tryagain (Sep 12, 2010)

thank you for your thoughts. After the major blow up last night, I'm DONE. there is NO fixing this relationship. He says I don't talk to him but how can I when everything I say is wrong. He doesn't really listen, he thinks he knows all about me so why should he listen. He went as far as to tell his kids that I don't like them anymore and that is why they had to leave. I've taken care of them for 7 1/2 years and their natural mother has been no where in site. (He won custody after she abducted them to Canada). How could I not like them anymore. ?? How/why would you tell kids that anyway. 
he's moving back to Michigan and said he will not keep in touch. I do worry about his kids but there is nothing I can do but pray they will be OK.
Again, thank you both for your answers. They mean alot and I'm not as off base as he says I am. 
On to brighter days.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

tryagain said:


> thank you for your thoughts. After the major blow up last night, I'm DONE. there is NO fixing this relationship. He says I don't talk to him but how can I when everything I say is wrong. He doesn't really listen, he thinks he knows all about me so why should he listen. He went as far as to tell his kids that I don't like them anymore and that is why they had to leave. I've taken care of them for 7 1/2 years and their natural mother has been no where in site. (He won custody after she abducted them to Canada). How could I not like them anymore. ?? How/why would you tell kids that anyway.
> he's moving back to Michigan and said he will not keep in touch. I do worry about his kids but there is nothing I can do but pray they will be OK.
> Again, thank you both for your answers. They mean alot and I'm not as off base as he says I am.
> On to brighter days.


If at all possible, I think you should talk to his kids and tell them adamantly that the reason you and their father are splitting up has nothing to do with them and how much you love them and always will. Whatever will get through to them. Maybe give them something to remember you by. I don't know what he's playing at, but he's being incredibly hurtful to his children by doing that. I can't comprehend how a parent could want to inflict that sort of pain on their child. You are well rid of a such a poisonous person. I feel so sorry for his kids.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Sounds like he was trying to guilt you into coming back. It seems you are better off without him. If you're happier when he's gone, and things are smoother, less stressful, and everyone seems happier, then I think that's the proof you need that you're better to let him go. 

I do agree that if there's any way you can get in touch with his children and make clear to them that you do still care very much about them, that would be a good thing to do.


----------

