# New Member



## PeniHandayani

Hi, I,m new to the forum. I,m a single parent has 3 teenage kids and married with a younger man. I'm facing some issues. Hope to find some support and direction.


----------



## BeyondRepair007

Welcome to TAM! Tell us the issues your having and I’m sure someone here on TAM will have great experience. If you want to start your thread in an appropriate forum that might help you get specific attention sooner.


----------



## BeyondRepair007

PeniHandayani said:


> Hi, I,m new to the forum. I,m a single parent has 3 teenage kids and married with a younger man. I'm facing some issues. Hope to find some support and direction.


Hello again! Welcome to TAM!
Not sure why 2 threads but welcome twice!


----------



## PeniHandayani

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM! Tell us the issues your having and I’m sure someone here on TAM will have great experience. If you want to start your thread in an appropriate forum that might help you get specific attention sooner.


Thank you for your attention. My husband is younger than me and apparently not ready to face my three teenage kids. My husband always acts like a boss to my kids so they can be afraid of my husband. My kids were very angry with me and they distanced from me.


----------



## frenchpaddy

PeniHandayani said:


> Thank you for your attention. My husband is younger than me and apparently not ready to face my three teenage kids. My husband always acts like a boss to my kids so they can be afraid of my husband. My kids were very angry with me and they distanced from me.


 welcome I hope we can help , there is not enough to go on and you seem to be worried about how things are start to work out for you and your kids , can you take the time and start from the begining and tell us a bit of the history and fill in some things like your age the kids age where the father of the kids are and why they seem to be distant from you at this time,


----------



## PeniHandayani

frenchpaddy said:


> welcome I hope we can help , there is not enough to go on and you seem to be worried about how things are start to work out for you and your kids , can you take the time and start from the begining and tell us a bit of the history and fill in some things like your age the kids age where the father of the kids are and why they seem to be distant from you at this time,


I am 48 years old and I live in Indonesia. I am a widowed and my husband died 10 years ago of a cancer. And I feel comfortable when there is a man who is 10 years younger than me and asked me to marry him after we have been dating for a year. My children are 20, 15 and 12 years old. They become distant from me because they seem angry at having to have a stepfather who doesn't understand them and always acts like a boss to them. I have tried to explain to my husband, so he can love and understand more than a father. But my husband said he had to act like a boss and hope my children would be afraid and submit to him.


----------



## frenchpaddy

it is not good if he thinks he has to have your children feel afraid and submit to him 


PeniHandayani said:


> afraid and submit to him


the 20 year old if not moved out will move away soon the other two are in more danger of turning their back on you if they see you putting him above them ,


----------



## PeniHandayani

frenchpaddy said:


> it is not good if he thinks he has to have your children feel afraid and submit to him
> 
> the 20 year old if not moved out will move away soon the other two are in more danger of turning their back on you if they see you putting him above them ,


I knew I had to put my husband and my kids on equal footing. But this is a difficult problem for me, my husband and my kids are so stubborn and no one wants to budge. What should I do so that they can be calm and love one another?


----------



## Diceplayer

These issues should have been worked out before you got married. Especially since about 70% of second marriages that involve children fail. Sorry, but you're in it now. May have to get into counseling to get it worked out.


----------



## Spoons027

PeniHandayani said:


> I knew I had to put my husband and my kids on equal footing. But this is a difficult problem for me, my husband and my kids are so stubborn and no one wants to budge. What should I do so that they can be calm and love one another?


I’m gonna be blunt. I find it very troubling that your husband needs to rely on fear and submission to make your children respect him rather than love and trust. And you apparently seem so focused on making everyone get along that that statement alone is just glossed over. What does he do when he “bosses” them?

At this point, if both sides are too stubborn for counseling, then something more drastic would probably need to be done. But if it’s what I fear it is, then I feel like your kids are just doing what they need to protect themselves. It's not that they're stubborn, it's that they recognize when a situation is potentially dangerous and have the willpower to extract themselves from it. Even if it means having to detach from you.


----------



## TexasMom1216

Do you have family who would take your children? It’s dangerous to keep them around someone who wants fear and submission. That is called abuse.


----------

