# Husband Jealous of Me Going to College??



## kwillis1 (Mar 28, 2012)

My husband doesn't seem to understand that I'm a dual-major and Pre-med student and already work an internship 8-12 hours a week. I already have a 2 year degree. At one point when I was in my first year of RN school I was working 50 hours a week (overnight shift), Wed-Sun, and going to school full-time Mon-Fri. I got no sleep, ended up dehydrated and with exhaustion in the ER after 8 months. I also missed a lot of class and clinical time. When I talked to an instructor after the end of the semester she said, "We advise students that they will need to find alternate sources of income during these few years. Take out a loan, talk to family members, save up over the summer, etc..etc.." 

Both of my parents are retired RN's after 40 years, both remarried to successful spouses. My mom & dad are EXTREMELY supportive of my education. "As long as you're making the grades.. we will be happy to help you.." I kept my promise. 

Now that I'm married my husband seems to be wildly jealous of my parents helping me financially while I'm moving into another 3 years of college. He thought we could squeak by on his income alone, we couldn't. He says he "doesn't want to carry me anymore"(He's only been paying the bills for 3 months), "we need to split the bills in half.." (I pay mine, he pays his), and if he doesn't make enough money, I "need to work another 40 hours". He makes comments about how his family have never helped him and wouldn't have. 

I feel extremely bad about having my parents help us again financially, but he DID promise them he would pick up the slack, work extra hours, etc prior to me starting my new degree. He has not made good on this promise. He would rather sit and watch tv, sleep, and play video games (He's 30) Sat & Sun rather than work a few hours on a Sat. When I ask him about this he says, "I deserve a day off.." 

Tonight I got to divide all the bills in half and call my parents to let them know that I need them to start shelling out $800 more to me a month to help me get by. If I were still beginning in college, I could work more hours, but I'm at a point where I have 3 classes that carry over full-time credits, and all are "core" classes for my 2 bachelor's degrees. BTW, we were doing great until he made some extremely poor choices and got us into a serious financial bind. 

He doesn't feel that being a full-time student and working PT is anywhere close to him having to work 40 hours a week. I asked him tonight, "If you and I worked the same job at 40 hours a week and we still didn't have enough money, would push me to get another full-time job?" He said, "No, we would figure something out.." Since I've been in school, my job has always been just that, being a student, and I have done extremely well with a 3.68 GPA. What gives??


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Well, sounds like you have a problem in expectations and communications. It will only get worse if you are truly pre-med. What's going to happen when you have a $50,000 tuition bill and no ability to work even part time? Did you guys not discuss your career and education desires before you got married?


I also can see his position. You completed one 2 year degree, now you're facing another three years of school for another double major degree and then you want 4 years of medical school followed by 3+ years of residency? It sounds like these are your goals and goals he dosen't share...... You guys need to have a heart to heart conversation about what is important in your lives. How old are you? What have you decided about children? What are your husbands aspirations?


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## kwillis1 (Mar 28, 2012)

KanDo said:


> he had no problem in January when we discussed me continuing my education.. he said I should "do what makes me Happy" and he "already makes enough to pay the bills.." the problem I guess should be that he has adopted a champagne taste on a beer budget while I'm in school. Ontop of this he promised to work to afford his new truck, he isn't and my parents had to pick up the slack, he also had a medical lien on his wages this month that came back to bite him bc he was irresponsible.
> 
> We had a rational discussion in Jan and agreed that sacrifices would need to be made on both ends. I have kept my end of the bargain.. he spends what I'm saving. I also sunk $15k into paying off bad things on his credit over the summer. I made sacrifices for much longer than 3 months to accomplish that. He also believes that going to college is a waste of time and money and that "one day soon, having a college degree won't matter bc it will be construction trade workers that make the best money." Why can't he just be Happy for me, supportive, and understanding?
> 
> We talked about my education prior to getting married. My husband has said he has no aspirations. He wants to continue working for $10 an hour at his current job. He has no interest in furthering his education, adopting a healthy lifestyle with me, etc. He has also said that he wouldn't work extra hours if we have kids, that I would have to do that. He is 30, I'm 25. I don't believe he is responsible enough for children, and I'm not sure if I could raise kids alone while I'm still married.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

kwillis1 said:


> KanDo said:
> 
> 
> > he had no problem in January when we discussed me continuing my education.. he said I should "do what makes me Happy" and he "already makes enough to pay the bills.." the problem I guess should be that he has adopted a champagne taste on a beer budget while I'm in school. Ontop of this he promised to work to afford his new truck, he isn't and my parents had to pick up the slack, he also had a medical lien on his wages this month that came back to bite him bc he was irresponsible.
> ...


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## SarahKane (Sep 4, 2014)

Let me tell you something: I subscribed to this website only to answer your post I came across accidentally when I was searching the almost same topic on internet. I hope that since then you did fix your issues between you and your husband, otherwise: get out of this not compatible relationship! People don't change is they're not aware of what's wrong with them, and your husband didn't lie to you: he's content with his $10 job and if you want more, well, you need to put on more hours, with kids or no kids. Yes he resents you for your helpful family, yes he resents you for your strong will to succeed and achieve what he is incapable of even dreaming of achieving, that's why he hopelessly tries to convince you that your education is simply a waste of time and money. Let me tell you what's gonna happen if he doesn't truthfully change: you'll finish your education and start your career, he'll become more resentful of your success, so to weigh things heavier on your shoulders, he'll become lazier, and he'll feel that you owe him, after all, if you're successful it's due to him because he supported you (even though he didn't neither financially not emotionally), he'll make you miserable and your life a living hell, you'll start thinking out of this poor sad play, too bad for you! The law says that you owe him a big chunk of the fruit of your endless efforts to get a good degree and a decent job, so yes, you'll have to pay him, monthly, and a lot! Who wins? Him of course, and you lose not only your money, but also precious years and tears over a person who doesn't care enough to man up and have some good sense and respect toward you.

Truth is not always colorful to see nor joyful to hear.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OP is from 2012... zombie thread.

I wish she would have come back and shared how things are going. But I doubt she'll be back. I'd also bet that they are divorced by now.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> OP is from 2012... zombie thread.
> 
> I wish she would have come back and shared how things are going. But I doubt she'll be back. I'd also bet that they are divorced by now.


Yep, zombie. However your observation they are probably divorced is spot on. Seems so many young men don't understand what a marriage killer it is when they sit on their butt and let the inlaws pay for things. It's a shame.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

commonsenseisn't said:


> Yep, zombie. However your observation they are probably divorced is spot on. Seems so many young men don't understand what a marriage killer it is when they sit on their butt and let the inlaws pay for things. It's a shame.


I agree. 

But I think that the OP's issues are/were more involved than just that. It's not fair for one spouse to put the burden of them getting an education on the other. Generally the spouse who gets the high level of education dumps the others upon completion.. like in 90% or so of the cases.

So she needs to fund her own education.

I've been through this... my ex walked away with the MD I paid for. I got nothing. Worked out great for him. Sucked for me. I was so stupid to support his goals at my expense.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You are hardly going to become a doctor and still relate to a guy making minimum wage. Even if you don't make it to medical school and settle for a Masters in a health care field, your economic and social gulf will be great.

Ambition wise you are not a good match.


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## Pookers74 (Oct 24, 2015)

What is sad is I understand her dilemma. Except I've been married 20yrs. Parent thing isn't a part. I've worked part time for 3/4 of our marriage and raised our kids. After economy 2011 threw us into hard times. Not finding work that easy I decided to go after my dreams. I am an artist. So in today's world you need technology. Attending online university for Bachelors in Social Science, Graphic Arts Degree. It is an excelled program and maybe consumes 20 to 25 hrs a week of my time. I'm not only doing this for me. I want my boys to see it is never to late to go after your dreams. But, he is jealous . "I wish they never invented internet" he says. 😯 He thinks I'm on dating sites where I reassure him . He has all my passwords checks my history. Reads my emails. I don't care. I have absolutely nothing to hide. I've never cheated on him or any reason to think I am. He makes me feel like crap. When I struggled in high school and now get A's And B's. I love my husband but through this hardship and constantly fighting depression I'm not going to quit and look back with regrets. I Sacraficedon't a lot as a mother and wife which I wouldn't trade for anything but with three boys 21, 17, and 11. Invested 20 marriage I see no reason why Something couldn't be about me. The only thing that's changed is I'm on strike .cleaning up after everybody. They are more than capable and definitely old enough. I mean I don't let house got to hell. But it's far from spotless. 
He says he can not take it or live like this . He is done. Well I don't know what to say. His temper tantrums are not going to get him his way. I don't tolerate tantrums from my children so why should I with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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