# The 180



## Brokenheartedpixie (Dec 5, 2012)

I'm new to this forum and whilst reading through posts I have seen that "the 180" has been mentioned quite a few times. Has anyone a link or know where I could get more information about it?

Thanks for any replies x


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

The Healing Heart: The 180

There you are BHP.

If you have kids-adjust this slightly. 

Its for you to heal-and sometimes the side benefit is that your estranged spouse actually starts to notice what he/she is losing.

Win win outcome

Stay strong. 

love and peace


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## Brokenheartedpixie (Dec 5, 2012)

Thanks for your reply, yes we have 3 kids, two teenage boys 17yrs, 15yrs and a 6 week old baby girl. We're going to try a trial separation, he's currently looking for somewhere to live close by. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, watching him move out will be heartbreaking, but a trial separation is the only thing he would agree to to save our relationship.


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## sadshane (Dec 4, 2012)

Just remember with the trial separation to give him space follow the 180. I didnt and it has just pushed my wife away further. I personally dont think the separation is good for anyone except the one leaving, gives them room to do what they want. I am sure you dont want to hear that, but its coming from someone whos going through the same thing and I don't like it a bit. I hope for both of us, this does work and turn out ok, but you may have to try and accept it won't, thats what I have decided to do


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## Brokenheartedpixie (Dec 5, 2012)

I really don't want to do the trial separation but there is no alternative, it's either that or it's over. I would much rather he stayed and we worked on our relationship. We've been together for 20years now and have had problems like this a few times, but we have always worked them and come out the otherside happy.
I really hope this is no different. He has put a deposit on a place to live today, which has made me feel totally crushed. It could be a week or two before its available for him to move into, he's asked if I want him to stay till after the new year or go as soon as the place is ready. I don't know what to do for he best or when to start the 180.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Start right now. What reasons did he give for wanting to seperate?


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

with a trial separation make sure you get those boundaries set up...like visitation with the kids, dating, money.....are you going to meet once a week...or once a month .... and a time frame on the length.

In-between you heal...and grow and be the best mum you can. 

Wishing you strength honey


love and peace


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## Brokenheartedpixie (Dec 5, 2012)

The reason he has given is that he's just not happy, I think sometimes in life you get in a bit of a rut, a routine with every day normal life. Taking each other for granted, 
Almost two years ago I had a miscarriage, it made me feel very low for a longtime. But just over a year later I fell pregnant again. I was overjoyed. He wasn't that happy, but went along with it. I must admit all I thought and talked about was this baby, I was terrified about losing it.
When our daughter was born he was smitten straight away, he loves her very much. But around this time he turned 40 and got into "The Secret" aswell as a self help meditation program, which lasted 3 weeks. During this time he also gave up smoking with the help of Champix, which I've read can have some negative side effects. A few friends have suggested he's going through a midlife crisis, I mentioned this to him and he dismissed it straight away and wouldn't discus it any further. I love him very much and want him to stay and work through our problems, but he insists he's going, everything I've suggested us trying he's turned down, so I feel grateful he's even giving a trial separation a go.

He's agreed to pay me the usual each month and visit the kids often. Other than that I don't know what rules are best to follow, the one for definated is no dating anyone else, should we see each other? Should I steer clear of him, give him space, time to miss me?
Sorry if this is a bit of a rant, feeling low tonight and had a few drinks. x


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