# Leaving wife and kids



## Shocker (Jul 26, 2012)

My wife has admitted infidelity recently and I cannot live with her now. I've given it everything for like 9 months and she lied about sleeping with the other man until last weekend. Lied to my face for 9 months while I cried and got mentally unstable because I KNEW she was lying. I STILL think she is lying. 

Questions I have if anyone knows...

How do I leave with Mortgage and Bills? I have to live somewhere but not sure I can afford it.

Do I need to file for legal separation?

My wife wants me to stay but I cannot. Destroyed and cannot cope. 

Thanks for any help.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Divorce is a long, expensive process but you can break it into and small steps.

Start by separating in house. Move either you or your wife into a spare bedroom if you have one. If not, is there another space -- den, family room you can claim to sleep in? You need a place where you can go and shut the door.

Separate your finances. If you have only a joint account, it's time for each of you to get your own bank accounts. You can arrange to transfer your share of the mortgage/ other bills into the joint account shortly before you need to make those payments.
Make copies of all your financial papers -- mortgage statements, at least 2 years of recent tax returns, lists of credit card accounts in your name and hers & outstanding balances. Also make copies of personal paperwork -- marriage certificate, birth certificates for the kids, social security numbers, immunization records for the kids. 

Figure out what your ideal child custody arrangements would be. Do you want full custody? Do you want to share the kids 50-50 (either alternating weeks or a 4-3 or 2-2-3 arrangement)? Do you see your wife as the primary care provider with you are the every other weekend dad? As you think about this decision try to consider what is best for your kids, for you, and for your wife. Once you know what you want you can start putting a separation plan together. You could use Google Docs and then invite your wife to see/ edit the separation plan.

See if you can find a mediator to help mediate your split. It will be less expensive and will help you and your wife talk through complex issues.

If you haven't already done so, do the 180 for your own sanity.

Do NOT start dating other women until you are legally separated. Depending on where you live it can affect your divorce settlement, and if your wife doesn't want this divorce it will make her angry.


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