# Need Help Wife ended her affiar and now is having a...



## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

Hello , 

My Wife has ended her affair and now says that she is sorry for putting me through all that she did but she is having a hard time forgiving herself of course I have told her that I forgive her and I do Love her still. Can you give me some insight on helping her to forgive herself ? Has anyone encountered this before?


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Hi 36305. How long have you and W been married? Was it a EA/PA??

As for not being able to forgive herself, how so? What is she saying or doing?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well it's GOOD she knows she did you wrong and feels bad. Guilt is a good thing. If she didn't feel that way it'd be no good. 

I guess you need to talk to her and sit her down and listen to how she feels. Have you guys done counselling?


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

We are 14 months past D-Day #1. Wife feels tremendous guilt as her behavior over that "bad year" was not typical of who she is or how she's behaved over the past 30 years. She goes to counselling every week and talks about her infidelities and just can't get past the guilt and shame enough to forgive herself.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

The hardest person in the world to forgive is yourself.
I made a dumb joke to a girl I knew over 20 years ago, and to this day, I wish that I could find her and apologize.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

F-102 said:


> The hardest person in the world to forgive is yourself.
> I made a dumb joke to a girl I knew over 20 years ago, and to this day, I wish that I could find her and apologize.


What did you say??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

It was something about the Mormon faith-let's leave it at that.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

F-102 said:


> The hardest person in the world to forgive is yourself.
> I made a dumb joke to a girl I knew over 20 years ago, and to this day, I wish that I could find her and apologize.


What? You can find her on FaceBook with everyone else?  Seriously, hope you find her so that you may put that to rest.

36305, that's really a good thing that she has remorse. I would think a minister (if you and your wife are religious) could be helpful as this pertains to forgiveness. Perhaps this is a problem for her which goes deep within the soul. Wish you the best.


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

KathyGriffinFan said:


> Hi 36305. How long have you and W been married? Was it a EA/PA??
> 
> As for not being able to forgive herself, how so? What is she saying or doing?


We have been Married just over a year together for 3 years before that. 
What does EA/PA Stand for ?

She just keeps saying over and over that she can't forgive herself and doesn't know if we will make it because of all that she has done.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

36305 said:


> We have been Married just over a year together for 3 years before that. What does EA/PA Stand for?


Married for only one year and she already cheated?:scratchhead: This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase for most marriages. Something is quite not right inside her head.

EA = Emotional Affair
PA = Physical Affair



> She just keeps saying over and over that she can't forgive herself and doesn't know if we will make it because of all that she has done.


I hope you don't take it the wrong way but many DW (disloyal wives) have said this because they're is still in contact with the OM (other man). In other words, the affair has not ended. Are you sure she's ended all contact with the OM? If she is, then marital recovery is impossible.


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

morituri said:


> Married for only one year and she already cheated?:scratchhead: This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase for most marriages. Something is quite not right inside her head.
> 
> EA = Emotional Affair
> PA = Physical Affair
> ...


It was a Physical Affair. We are living seperate right now and the other Man continues to try to come around her (Kinda Stalkerish) but on the other hand she says that she doesn't want to be brutaly mean and the other thing he does have kids and uses them as an emotional tool against her. 
It is a crazy situation I know.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I will tell you what is bad---that you are so easily forgiving of her---where is her accountability------she gave her self to another man---she did it in the phase of your mge, where there is spose to be hot passion, and where you only have eyes for each other---where no one else exists---and here you wanna just up and forgive her

Let her have a WHOLE LOT OF SHAME, GUILT, SELF LOATHING etc. etc.

Let me ask you something---what was so terribly wrong with your mge., that she had to go and give herself to another man?????

How much time did she spend communicating with you about what was bothering her?????

Mge., is extremely hard work, and after 7 to 10 yrs, it becomes, stale, boring, same old, same old---then is when problems of this type begin to happen, if the spouses do not work hard at keeping the relationship spiced up

You on the other hand are having this problem almost immediately after the inception of your mge

You had better not be so quick to forgive, and this had better not be treated lightly---cuz if she percieves you as weak---I guarantee she will cheat again---for she will remember how easily you took her back this time


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

36305 said:


> It was a Physical Affair. We are living seperate right now and the other Man continues to try to come around her (Kinda Stalkerish) but on the other hand she says that she doesn't want to be brutaly mean and the other thing he does have kids and uses them as an emotional tool against her.
> It is a crazy situation I know.


Forgive me for saying this, but it sounds like her 'having a hard time forgiving herself' is a bunch of bull manure. 

She is sitting on the fence because she doesn't want to give up you or the OM. And your actions are enabling her fence sitting.

There is an old and wise saying which states *"If you love somebody, set her free"* and it couldn't be more true. I highly recommend that you read the first post of the thread titled *Just Let Them Go* 

Like it or not, your wife has destroyed the marriage you knew with her affair and you have to make peace with this ugly reality. You have to begin to prepare for the end of your marriage by confronting your wife and with conviction convey to her the following:

*"Look wife, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with him because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with him and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us. I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."*

Follow through with this and don't be surprised if she comes back to you panicking, crying and pleading for a second chance and not file for divorce. IF this happens, don't make it easy for her to return without meeting these deal breaker conditions:

1. Sending a NC (no contact) letter to the OM explaining that she no longer want him to contact her. That SHE LOVES YOU and wants to save her marriage.

2. Agree to work her a** off through IC (individual counseling) and MC (marital counseling).

3. Agree to total transparency. NO MORE SECRETS. If the OM tries to contact her, she must agree to tell you ASAP.

Lastly, don't think for one minute that if she ends her affair and works her tail off to help rebuild the marriage, that everything will be great. You will have to learn how to deal with the emotional roller coaster and any mental movies of her and the OM having sex. If you don't learn to deal in a constructive fashion and not throwing the affair in her face whenever there is a disagreement between the two of you. Infidelity studies state that recovery for the betrayed spouse can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years. *Do you have what it takes for marital reconciliation? There is no shame in saying no and moving on with your life without her. I can personally vouch for this.*


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I totally agree with morituri. WW is still on the fence and most likely still in the A. At this point, you cannot believe a word coming out of her mouth right now. You are physically separated and that OM is still coming around? Using his kids to make her feel guilty? What kind of BS is that? It's obvious this is trickle truth and there's more that she's not telling you. If the affair was truly over and she was truly remorseful, she would not be on the fence the way she is.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

She is feeding you BS and is still involved with the OM. She need to decide if her marriage or the OM's feelings are more important. You cannot work through this with him still in the picture.

Good luck


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

36305...

The key statement from her is that she doesn't want to be brutally mean to the other man. This statement itself tells you without a doubt where her feelings still lie, and that she is in NO WAY as remorseful as she let's on.

Just take a step back from your turmoil and analyze this one statement and what it is really saying, regardless of what SHE is saying.

Ok, ready.....? Here goes.....

I dont want to hurt the other mans feelings, so I can't just tell him to stay away. Why? Because I value his feelings and the risk of hurting his feelings MORE than I risk ending the utter turmoil and angst I am putting my HUSBAND through by continuing contact with the OM. So....in order to spare the OM his feelings, I will continue contact with him regardless of what you, the person I married and swore to love, honor, and cherish for ever and ever, feel about the entire situation.

Does that give you better perspective? You need to realize the more you let her walk all over you like a doormat, the less and less she will respect you. And she will never truly love you if she doesn't respect you. That's just how her mind works. 

Now, it's time for tough love. Tell her you've had enough and it's time to move on. Show her you demand and deserve respect and will no longer tolerate her blatant disrespect for you. She can have her OM and her affair. In the meantime, you will start dating and moving on with your life because you are not going to just sit around and wait for her forever.

You would be surprised how fast she makes up her mind on whether to continue her affair or not after this ultimatum. Of course, the power of these words is that you need to mean them and follow through, or else they are just meaningless words from you without any real consequences. And she will know that if you don't mean it.

In the meantime, go to the men's forum section and read up on Manning Up and Nice Guys, which is the sticky at the top of the forum post section. You may find it useful. After reading it, shoot your questions to the men's forums, as you will get lots of good advise there about keeping and enforcing your boundaries in your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> *I value his feelings and the risk of hurting his feelings MORE than I risk ending the utter turmoil and angst I am putting my HUSBAND through by continuing contact with the OM.* So....in order to spare the OM his feelings, I will continue contact with him regardless of what you, the person I married and swore to love, honor, and cherish for ever and ever, feel about the entire situation.


Do you still need to be hit over your head by a a jackhammer to finally get this truthful message inside your head?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, she's still in contact, she'll start to feel better about her self once she stops.
But they never get it, they get all screwed up inside and try to have it both ways and it only screws them up even more.

I wish she could see that as long as theres contact she will continue to feel this way, and there is only one way to fight it and that is not to fight...step back and give her the terms mentioned on alphas' reply.

So stop being managed by her and it sounds like she knows the right thing to do but she can't so help her along by informing her that you will distance your self from her until she has complete and confirmed no contact with OM.

Man, bo ho "I can't forgive my self soooo feel sorry for little ol me" 

Well dam-it stop contacting the OM.

You know what I mean?

Can anyone say managed?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She wants you to believe that the marriage can't be saved, that you'll give up and divorce her, and then she can continue with the OM scot-free.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

listen to these guys, I let my husband come home around middle of March, there was a break between my H and his last EA for a little while, not sure how long, I had a gut feeling these last few weeks, I found out he had started up contact with her on Monday. Only reason I find out then is I was waiting for absolute proof. He went through I feel so bad, sorry for hurting you, etc, when dipsmack was speaking with her the whole time. Don't trust her completely be completely aware dude.


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

A little update on my situation- I appreciate all the post from before but here is where I am now. She did get back with him so yes some of you were right. My wife went and had papers drawn up but I never got them after 2 months of waiting. So move on to June 2 she calls me up late one afternoon and said we have to talk so I agreed she comes to my place and tells me she has ended it for good with the OM but I wasn't really conviced at that point she then went on to say things that she hadn't told me before when she came back like her and a older friend we discussing on how when she got her age that she would appreciate having a Man like me that would take care of her, My wife said it all hit home with her at that point and that is when she decided to end the affair. So she stayed with me until June 6th and we both agreed that I would move in to her place to make our Marriage work. We had a great first couple of weeks and took a few trips together. Until last weekend she started hanging out with the friend again that did not like me but cared alot about the other man. This friend my wife has even admitted to me and her family has said "If you stay with him our friendship is over" So immediatly when that friend found out that we were back together she ignored my wife. 
So when they started back hanging out together my wife comes to me and says I need my space , Your smothering me etc. etc. a few days went by and she ask me to move out so I did, I asked her was she hanging out with the friend again and she denied it. But I found out the truth she was not only with her but the OM as well. 
During the period of time she was staying at my place the OM went in and vandalized her place took and expensive watch, Toilet Paper, Towels, Outdoor Solar Lights. Stuff he didn't pay for. So I thought since he did all this my Wife learned her lesson for the last time and moved on. 
This guy is a real class act no HS Diploma, Revoked Driver's License
& barely even works. 
Before she came back to me this last time after reading your posts I had come to terms to be ready to sign the D papers but as I said before I never got them. Then she had sucked me back in, this affair went on for 10 Months & she came back several times & the only reason I took her back in this time was the fact that she said somethings to me that she had never said before and was making great strides to stay away from him and asked me to move into her place. 
My question is where do I go from here ? I feel like I am back to the beginning when I first discovered the affair.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No your not at the beginning, your at the end, the end of a very long road with a broken person who you have tried to fix.

How many chances are you going to give her. Let me guess, as you get happier and have excepted moving on with out her, she sucks you back? Get it, she will never allow you to be happy. End the drama for your self and move far away. At least make a commitment to your self to atleast tell her what she wants to hear and then don't fallow through, at least she will stop begging you.

This is a beginning for you the third strike that you are looking for that validated the reason to move on with out her.

Geez, how long are you going to go on like this?


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## justsam (Mar 14, 2011)

> I will tell you what is bad---that you are so easily forgiving of her---where is her accountability------she gave her self to another man---she did it in the phase of your mge, where there is spose to be hot passion, and where you only have eyes for each other---where no one else exists---and here you wanna just up and forgive her


i totally agree. you're giving her a free pass. she needs deal with it outright and have you rug-sweep the issue. this needs to be adressed in a detail oriented discussion. she needs to made aware of how much this has hurt you, and that it will take time and patience for you to recover from her betrayal. your love for her should not blind you from these issues that need adressing. furthermore, you should make her put a restraining order on him if he is stalking her. this will tell you how much she wants to reconcile


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

If the OM has a wife, tell her everything. Have your wife go to confession if she's catholic and tell all. Get her back home with the understanding she will be under scrutiny UNTIL you feel safe and secure that she is all done. And like everyone says - it ENDS now or file since it's already been 14 months.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

36 you need to change your name to 86- as in you need to 86 this marriage to this immature and hurtful woman who will never give you what you need and deserve. I think you should be thankful it's been only a 1-2 years of marriage as you have time to end it now and find someone who is worthy of a man like you.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

He ransacked her place? Ooohhh...Karma is indeed a b**ch!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If you love the drama and excitement then simply allow yourself to be sucked in until the next cycle of 'I need space' comes about. But if you truly want this to end then you should file for divorce and maintain NC (no contact) with her. It should be easy considering that you don't have children with her so it should be a clean break for you. Simply stated, game over, out of time.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

So now you know (if you didn't already) where you stand in her pecking order in life. Behind everybody else!!! Only when she has a fight, has bad sex or realises how little money the OM has does she come back your way. But that lasts only a short time then the sexual pull of the OM and the friendship of her girlfriend trumps you. Life is too short to allow her to play you this long. Get out and leave her to her drama!!!


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

All good points now to the Women I ask why she would want to have anything to do with this guy after he did to her all that he did ? & The friend that I mentioned earlier wouldn't believe my wife that he had done that stuff. My wife did however admit to me and several others that her friend had told her on numerous occasions that if she did have anything to do with me she wasn't having anything to do her. So pretty much when we reconsiled this time the friend wanted nothing to do with my wife. My wife is 35 and the friend is 52.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she hasn't ended contact with OM and is still lying about it, then you have nothing left to work out.

A real woman owns what she does and doesn't make excuses or cover up things.



36305 said:


> All good points now to the Women I ask why she would want to have anything to do with this guy after he did to her all that he did ?


Who knows if that guy even ransacked her house. Coulda been a story she made up to get sympathy from you. Or, if it was true, then maybe she has self-destructive tendencies. And wants you to come along for the ride.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Why would she want the friend, either? She is toxic. And she is manipulative. Your wife needs her head shrunk. Also why does om have keys? If he truly stole, why no police report? Insist she file one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

And change locks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> Why would she want the friend, either? She is toxic. And she is manipulative. Your wife needs her head shrunk. Also why does om have keys? If he truly stole, why no police report? Insist she file one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree the friend is Toxic, and my wife has figured it out but somehow always return back to her. The om did have keys but did not have anymore access when I moved in because the locks were changed and a Police report was filed but they said it would be hard to prove that he did it. I really don't think my wife did the damaged and got rid of the stuff because the stuff that was stolen/ damaged was some of her most valuble things. 
When she has ended it before with him he has destroyed small things like pictures etc. etc. but nothing to this magnitude. 
Of course the friend took his side, and blamed me for it to everyone but the friend did not know that during this time when it supposivly occoured that me and the wife were spending time together.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Toxic Friend, OM, etc...the fact is she chooses freely to stay in contact with them, whether you agree with that or not.

That, to me, says a lot.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

She has to own it then forgive herself. The latter can helped by and independant counselor (IC) or a priest or pastor. You tell her the best way to forgive herself is to repent (stop talking and contacting him) and be the best wife in the world to you - that means putting you first and how you feel about the continued contact. SAme goes for enemy of your marriage, her friend.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Man, she violated you and let you have sloppy seconds from OM and probably like the rest of us you were the last to know.

She is playing you real good and your going along on this on off ride, how many times?

She's risked your life, man. You ain't her priority. Probably 5th or 6th after her "friends". 

She needs some shock treatment. She's outta your life until she meets you on your terms. End of story. Way to go. 
'
Affair apart, she's showing how selfish she is cause it was about her feelings, her being sooooo bad and not good enough that made you start this thread. Start thinking about yourself man. 

Like all good cheaters without remorse, she's duped you real well and that's gotta change pretty quickly or you'll go under with this hellish emotional rollercoaster.

Think of her as plausible, lies upon lies and her living a duplicitious life. That's what you're dealing with here. A cheater, a liar, a rat that will rip out your heart. Wrapped up differently but the message is the same:

no respect for you
You have no value . 

Change that attitude pronto..


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

She may be all that you have said LAz but she is still his wife.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your wife keeps choosing her toxic friend, and cheating lover over you---how many times do you need to be kicked in the teeth????

This woman who you took vows with, COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU-----You are her fall back when ever she is bored

You get one trip thru life on this planet, do you intend to spend the rest of your days in misery as you are now-----wake up there is a whole world out there of people who do not act as your wife is acting-----have a little respect for yourself.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I am two weeks into having discovered my W affair. I would STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to read the "Just let them Go" Forum. Because of a wierd situation involving my grandchild, my W is currently 1200 miles away from the OM. We did have a face to face meeting just this week and actually is was very telling and informative. At the time of our meeting I offered counseling and reconcil. she said she was "numb" and could not answer yes or no to my offer of recon. The drama with my grandchild will hopefully be over today (court date). On the advise of my counselor, I am waiting until Sunday to call her again (1200 miles from me as well) and find out what her decision is. I read let them go over and over, so I have the guts to make the decision for her. Some of my friends say I am in denial and that is why I offered to R. I dont feel that I am but want to give our 30 year marriage every chance. I pray to have the courage to Just let her go. You need to do the same. I will pray for you (until 2 wks ago had been 10 years since I prayed, now I do it everyday) to have the strength to do what you must. READ THAT POSTING.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hoosier said:


> I am two weeks into having discovered my W affair. I would STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to read the "Just let them Go" Forum.


It's actually a thread I started on this forum 'Coping with infidelity'. I will bump it up for new arrivals.


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

Also in Addition to everything my wife has a Prescription Drug problem but like most denies even having one and gets very defensive about it. When confronted she says I have a prescription but what she doesn't tell is she takes more than she should then goes and buys more off of her friends till she can get a re-fill. I was on the phone today with her Mom and she is starting to see the same violent attitude in her that I have been seeing. My Wife goes from being sweet, caring, to an entirely opposite person almost kinda scary and before you blame it on PMS she has had a total hystarectomy. I have heard that women can start Menopuse as early as the mid to late 30's after having this done. I know that she is having a hard time getting older she has said it. 
Has any of you expericed your partner having a prescription drug problem? And them having eratic behavior then having an affair?


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## 36305 (Oct 19, 2010)

Heard from the Wife yesterday, she had called to discuss some things like bills and also to tell me that the OM has assualted her over the weekend again the last time he tired to choke her this time he has hit her in the face giving her a black eye. She says the next day after he did it he said he didn't even remember doing it because he was drunk. This is always his excuse for everything. I asked if she called the Police she said no I then asked where it happened ? and it was at her Toxic Friend's House and yes the friend did see it happen and finally saw the bad side of him. My wife like most abused Women says she is just letting it go.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Go to then police and as her husband lodge and assault charge against OM , I say this as she may try to turn hhis aginst you, many a WW has done this. Even if the charge does not hold you at least covered your ass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

36305 said:


> Heard from the Wife yesterday, she had called to discuss some things like bills and also to tell me that the OM has assualted her over the weekend again the last time he tired to choke her this time he has hit her in the face giving her a black eye. She says the next day after he did it he said he didn't even remember doing it because he was drunk. This is always his excuse for everything. I asked if she called the Police she said no I then asked where it happened ? and it was at her Toxic Friend's House and yes the friend did see it happen and finally saw the bad side of him. My wife like most abused Women says she is just letting it go.


Like F-102 said earlier in this thread, karma's a b!tch. 

Your WW is getting her ass beat by her boyfriend, and here you are giving her emotional support as if you're her male friend. :scratchhead:

Does anything else see something wrong with this picture? It's like you're hoping that OM will beat her bad enough that she will come home to you. No, you should be thankful that OM took her off your hands. She's repeatedly lied to your face, disrespected you and the marriage, cheated with OM. How many times did she say it was over with OM now? 



36305 said:


> My Wife has ended her affair and now says that she is sorry for putting me through all that she did but she is having a hard time forgiving herself of course I have told her that I forgive her and I do Love her still. Can you give me some insight on helping her to forgive herself ? Has anyone encountered this before? - 04-27-2011, 11:03 PM





36305 said:


> Before she came back to me this last time after reading your posts I had come to terms to be ready to sign the D papers but as I said before I never got them. Then she had sucked me back in, this affair went on for 10 Months & she came back several times & the only reason I took her back in this time was the fact that she said somethings to me that she had never said before and was making great strides to stay away from him and asked me to move into her place. - 07-17-2011, 01:15 AM


When you started this thread last April, you had been married to her only a little over a single year. She cheated on you the first year of your marriage, that means your whole marriage is a lie. *You are nothing to her except the fall back guy*. That is the truth. She knows she can run back to you when things get bad with OM, and all she has to do is say she's sorry, things are over with OM, and she regrets what she did. Then she will get in contact again with OM. Wash, rinse, repeat. 

You should be well into the divorce process by now. Let her go. This one isn't worth it. There are plenty of women out there that would love a good man. This one NEVER appreciated it. Leave her to the OM.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Why don't you ask her if she is willing now to pull a restraining order on him before he kills her?


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

ANd add, but he will only be drunk!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Lazarus said:


> Man, she violated you and let you have sloppy seconds from OM and probably like the rest of us you were the last to know.
> 
> She is playing you real good and your going along on this on off ride, how many times?
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Now the karma bus made a pit stop at her door and her ass is getting beat by the OM. Let her go. She's not your problem anymore. Don't get involved with her situation at all. Do not be her sounding board or shoulder to cry on. That's OM's job now. And he's doing a great job of it. Get the divorce done ASAP.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Now the karma bus made a pit stop at her door and her ass is getting beat by the OM. Let her go. She's not your problem anymore. Don't get involved with her situation at all. Do not be her sounding board or shoulder to cry on. That's OM's job now. And he's doing a great job of it. Get the divorce done ASAP.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It took me 5 years to forgive myself for my EA turned PA (i wasn't married but in a live-in with a child relationship). 

Five long years before I could say I wasn't a horrible person. 

She will do it in her own time. In the meantime just love the crap out of each other.

ETA: She just broke up with her OM? Oh...I didn't see that. Well, in that case, ya, she's just coming back to you....I don't know how I'd deal with that...probably tell her to go pound sand.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

that_girl said:


> ETA: She just broke up with her OM? Oh...I didn't see that. Well, in that case, ya, she's just coming back to you....I don't know how I'd deal with that...probably tell her to go pound sand.


Actually, it looks like she's been living with OM off and on for a few months now, and he gets in drunken rages and beats her. OM is quite the nice guy. And she won't leave him or call the police on him. But she feels she can call her betrayed husband for emotional support or something.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's gone to live with OM. She has clearly made her choice. Why haven't you served her papers and told her to pound sand when she's having problems with her new relationship that she as a free adult chose.

Why are you wasting emotion on someone who clearly doesn't deserve it or want it from you?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

What can you be, maybe 18 months into this mge. Is this how you wanna spend the rest of your life, going thru all this needless drama?????

Even if you were to take her back, she will be gone again, if not with her present lover, it will be with someone else, you basically are nothing more than a name on a mge. lic. to her.

You have to know what she thinks of you---she is getting physically abused, probably time and again, and she goes right back to him------that has got to tell you something!!!!!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

jnj express said:


> You have to know what she thinks of you---she is getting physically abused, probably time and again, and she goes right back to him------that has got to tell you something!!!!!


:iagree:

OM chokes her out, and this time gives her a black eye. 

And still she chooses the OM over you. Let her go. She is OM's responsibility. She made her bed with the OM. Don't be the benchwarmer.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Just like she's in a fog, so are you.

Accept the truth that the woman you married is broken and is incapable of being in a healthy relationship with any man. Only she can save herself but first she has to acknowledge that she is broken and seek professional counseling. Divorcing her just may be the catalyst for this to happen.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

She keeps getting beaten up by him---yet she chooses to go back to him----you have to know you are not married anymore---its just a piece of paper, delete it with a piece of divorce paper


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Where did you go 36305?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Talk to the police, dude, before that toxic friend convinces her to tell the police that YOU hit her!


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