# I have a Crush on my coworker



## brightsand (Nov 29, 2017)

Let me start off by painting a simple picture of my life: I have been married with my husband for 6 years, together for 8. We have a beautiful little girl. My husband was my first boyfriend I met at 19 years old and he has been my only since, I mean I gave that man my virginity and we never separated since June of 2009. I do love my husband but like all marriages there are struggles. Generally our struggle is having time together, I commute and work full time as a Safety manager for a manufacturing company and he works one full time and a part time job. Unfortunately we do not have the same days off! so we have very little time together. I know my husband loves me but he has always struggled with showing affection, whether it be holding hands or a kiss in public. We never get alone time, partially because there is guilt there as we need to spend family time with our daughter and partially because I honestly believe he does not realize that family time is important, but so is "date night".(he is a fantastic father by the way). This makes it tough on me because I would love some attention, I often feel because we are making a decent living and have extra money for the house and vacations and whatever and the fact that we are married with a kid he feels he doesn't have to make an effort with me and I have communicated this on numerous occasions. 

For a few month now I have been attracted to an employee at the work place. I have always noticed he was a nice looking man, but I didn't pay too much attention to him as there are other attractive men at the work place, being a married women I never was attracted to them. I mean I have of course seen attractive men right, but there is no desire there or want of getting to know or talk to these people(if that makes any sense).
Than I wrote him up for an incident and I realized he was trying to keep his distance. Naturally after giving employees justified write-ups I try to make small chat in hopes they do not take it personal, so they know, should they need my assistance for anything safety related that my office is always open, so to speak. Lastly I don't want an angry individual upset with me. So I would try to ease my way around him, but he never stayed too long. Finally I felt a difference with his presence in the room like an attraction, not huge but it was there. I have an annual safety refresher at a hotel in which all management and employees are required to attend on their days off.With that said we all, including me get to dress up versus wearing a very unflattering uniform.(I have been told by numerous employees and coworkers that my uniform does me no justice)
At the meeting my crush came dressed up nice and made a few random comments, like when I handed him a raffle ticket he stated, "are we going to the movies?" but he couldn't keep his eyes off me and there was an intense positive tension I felt between him and I. At the end of the meeting he stayed after in his truck listening to music, as I was walking out to the parking lot with my boss I noticed he stayed behind 15 minutes after and he looked over at me as I was talking to my boss and part of me hoped he stayed around but after one of my coworkers made eye-contact he finally left. Ever since then he has been more talkative, he has come to my office and has inquired about my holidays, he has asked me for silly items for small talk, he smiles at me as I walk through the facility. At one point he came to a benefits meeting dressed-up nice and made sure to make his way by me and make small talk. Every time we talk he has a smile on his face. every time he sees me he gives me this little smile. And I can feel an attraction towards him and him towards me. There is definitely something there between us that is unspoken and for that reason I don't linger around too long and he does them same. But we cannot help but smile at each other.

we are both married with kids, but I haven't felt this type of attraction in a long time. I know that I will not act on it because at the end of the day I love my husband and he loves me. Have you ever been through this? How did you handle it? Does it pass?


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

For me, I picture the pain on my wife's face, the disappointment of my children that they'll never get over (they will find out you cheated if you do), and I picture the check I'll have to write each month and hand it to my ex, as I drop my children off from my 2 days out of 14 I get to spend with them, as some other fella makes small talk to me in the house I slaved for, for 15 years to purchase.

That keeps me walking a line. If a woman flirts with me I'll acknowledge it and give her a little ego boost for the day, but then I avoid her and keep it 100% professional. He's coming over to you and making small talk, and doing these things because you're signaling that it's OK. stop doing that and he'll get the point and stop hitting on you, then he'll just be another dude at the office again.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

brightsand said:


> Let me start off by painting a simple picture of my life: I have been married with my husband for 6 years, together for 8. We have a beautiful little girl. My husband was my first boyfriend I met at 19 years old and he has been my only since, I mean I gave that man my virginity and we never separated since June of 2009. I do love my husband but like all marriages there are struggles. Generally our struggle is having time together, I commute and work full time as a Safety manager for a manufacturing company and he works one full time and a part time job. Unfortunately we do not have the same days off! so we have very little time together. I know my husband loves me but he has always struggled with showing affection, whether it be holding hands or a kiss in public. We never get alone time, partially because there is guilt there as we need to spend family time with our daughter and partially because I honestly believe he does not realize that family time is important, but so is "date night".(he is a fantastic father by the way). This makes it tough on me because I would love some attention, I often feel because we are making a decent living and have extra money for the house and vacations and whatever and the fact that we are married with a kid he feels he doesn't have to make an effort with me and I have communicated this on numerous occasions.
> 
> For a few month now I have been attracted to an employee at the work place. I have always noticed he was a nice looking man, but I didn't pay too much attention to him as there are other attractive men at the work place, being a married women I never was attracted to them. I mean I have of course seen attractive men right, but there is no desire there or want of getting to know or talk to these people(if that makes any sense).
> Than I wrote him up for an incident and I realized he was trying to keep his distance. Naturally after giving employees justified write-ups I try to make small chat in hopes they do not take it personal, so they know, should they need my assistance for anything safety related that my office is always open, so to speak. Lastly I don't want an angry individual upset with me. So I would try to ease my way around him, but he never stayed too long. Finally I felt a difference with his presence in the room like an attraction, not huge but it was there. I have an annual safety refresher at a hotel in which all management and employees are required to attend on their days off.With that said we all, including me get to dress up versus wearing a very unflattering uniform.(I have been told by numerous employees and coworkers that my uniform does me no justice)
> ...


Imagine if you paid that much attention to your husband. I bet he would reciprocate.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Would you say you are infatuated with him? If yes, the thing that often happens is you read way too much into simple gestures and light flirting. Also, you see no faults in the other person. They are there, you just choose to ignore them. Find them, focus on them. 

Spend time reconnecting with your husband. Double and triple your efforts there. YOU make the plans. Send your daughter to a relatives or friends house to stay the night. Make a dinner reservation and buy tickets to a show. Get all gussied up and inform him of your evening plans together. Do something! You are waiting for him to make the first move and he isn't, but at the same time, neither are you! Take some action and control into your own hands here. Reinvest in that part of your relationship. After its over, then tell him you have missed this and want to do it more often. Suggest a date night. Once a week, once every two weeks. DO SOMETHING! Sitting around wishing has never got anyone anywhere. 

Then if your crush comes to ask you what you did, lay out all the great things you did with your husband and gush over him. Tell your crush he should do xyz (whatever date you had with your husband) for his wife because she will love it. Maybe that will get him to back off. Stop sending out the signals you are clearly sending! He will back off a bit.


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

What exactly is the issue with your husband ? You don't get the same days off and he has a problem showing affection? 

If that's all there is then 99% of us here wish that was our only problem.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

musiclover said:


> What exactly is the issue with your husband ? You don't get the same days off and he has a problem showing affection?
> 
> If that's all there is then 99% of us here wish that was our only problem.


I personally know how she feels and I've been in her shoes. What I learned is I have to take control in this area. Grab the wheel and steer this ship where I want it to be. Sometimes you have to realize you are the captain and your co-pilot is practically useless in this area. However if you steer the ship correctly, you will avoid rough waters and find the paradise you are searching for. Once in paradise, your co-pilot can thrive there. 

She is certainly the captain in other areas where I'm practically worthless. If you are able to navigate things and accept your roll in this, resentment doesnt build for having to take control and both of your needs will be fulfilled. 

OP, infatuation will cause you to rewrite your marital history. If you start doing this, you are headed for that iceberg that sinks even the most unsinkable of ships. Time to take that wheel and gtfo of those dangerous waters. The power is in your own hands.


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## rachelmartin (Nov 28, 2017)

Concentrate on your family. It leads to ultimate goodness. Otherwise, you may repent.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

brightsand said:


> Let me start off by painting a simple picture of my life: I have been married with my husband for 6 years, together for 8. We have a beautiful little girl. My husband was my first boyfriend I met at 19 years old and he has been my only since, I mean I gave that man my virginity and we never separated since June of 2009. I do love my husband but like all marriages there are struggles. Generally our struggle is having time together, I commute and work full time as a Safety manager for a manufacturing company and he works one full time and a part time job. Unfortunately we do not have the same days off! so we have very little time together. I know my husband loves me but he has always struggled with showing affection, whether it be holding hands or a kiss in public. We never get alone time, partially because there is guilt there as we need to spend family time with our daughter and partially because I honestly believe he does not realize that family time is important, but so is "date night".(he is a fantastic father by the way). This makes it tough on me because I would love some attention, I often feel because we are making a decent living and have extra money for the house and vacations and whatever and the fact that we are married with a kid he feels he doesn't have to make an effort with me and I have communicated this on numerous occasions.
> 
> For a few month now I have been attracted to an employee at the work place. I have always noticed he was a nice looking man, but I didn't pay too much attention to him as there are other attractive men at the work place, being a married women I never was attracted to them. I mean I have of course seen attractive men right, but there is no desire there or want of getting to know or talk to these people(if that makes any sense).
> Than I wrote him up for an incident and I realized he was trying to keep his distance. Naturally after giving employees justified write-ups I try to make small chat in hopes they do not take it personal, so they know, should they need my assistance for anything safety related that my office is always open, so to speak. Lastly I don't want an angry individual upset with me. So I would try to ease my way around him, but he never stayed too long. Finally I felt a difference with his presence in the room like an attraction, not huge but it was there. I have an annual safety refresher at a hotel in which all management and employees are required to attend on their days off.With that said we all, including me get to dress up versus wearing a very unflattering uniform.(I have been told by numerous employees and coworkers that my uniform does me no justice)
> ...


You need to switch jobs, or work at a different location. You should never have any contact with him ever again. Professional or otherwise. How many people do you think predicted that they'd have an affair? Probably the same percentage that predict they'll get divorced. The way you avoid both of those, is never allowing the conditions that help create that eventuality to enter into your life, not by saying "I'd never do that". Allowing yourself to remain in his proximity is like allowing a snake to coil up at your feet, and reasoning "It won't bite me".

So, get transferred, or resign and find another job. Your job isn't worth more than your marriage. It doesn't matter if you'd "never do it", the risk, however small, isn't worth the consequences.

Also, you need to purchase the books "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Love Busters". Both you and your husband should read them.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

There's an old saying...

Go to the barber shop enough, eventually you're going to get a haircut.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Here is my prescription for the possible cure of grass is greener syndrome. 

Read the first 100 thread on here over the course of the next few days. As you read imagine the author is your husband. Change the 1st person pronouns to the name of your husband in you mind, change the cheaters name for you.

Next 

Read the fist 100 threads on here over the next few days after that. As you read imagine the author is you. Change the 1st person pronouns to your name and change the betrayed to your husbands name as you read. 

Understand that your story will be different but you will be on the team of the people whom you substituted your name for, and your husband will be on the other team forever separated. His pain will be just as intense and you will be the person who caused it. 

Take out your wedding album, and any mementos of your relationship when it was new and meditate on them and what that was like and what you were thinking and planing when you were in those moments. If you stopped moving in that direction with him, sit down and talk to him about it.

Start planing to get another job.

Look everyone gets crushes and everyone gets bored from time to time, but being a good person means that if you love your spouse you can't act on them. You must avoid putting yourself in a place where you are tempted by them. This is marriage. This is what it meant when you said better or worse. That was the promise you were making. 

If all of that doesn't cure you of your wonder lust, divorce your husband.

Some bonus reading.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614458
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614791
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=191040


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You are playing with fire. Please know that you risk loosing everything and deeply hurting you husband and child. 
This man is off limits and you are married to another man. Neither of you are available to flirt or have these cosy chats. This is how many affairs start. 
See if you can change jobs so that you don't see him again. Don't ever encourage him. Be cool around him. Don't ever fantasise about him in your head. Think of all the good things about your husband and child. The blessings that you have. Nip this in the bud now before 2 families are devastated. 
My husband had a woman at work go after him when he was married to his first wife. Even though the marriage wasn't very happy, he made sure that he simply got on with his work, kept his head down, gave her no encouragement and stayed polite but cool. 

Lastly talk to your husband about your concerns, see if he can cut down his hours and make sure that you have at least one evening a week to just be together. Work on strengthening what you have together and think of your child.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> You are playing with fire. Please know that you risk losing everything and deeply hurting you husband and child.


And 'Everything' will likely include losing your husband, child and job and the respect of everyone you know, including family and friends while also causing the same losses for the OM's family. He better be pretty awesome for you to be skating on the edge of such high stakes ice.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I work in the corporate world in a male dominated workforce, think males in suits, making six figures. I’ve been there, when I had less emotional maturity. How did I get over it? When the realization hit me that this was a stupid thing to do. 

After many years of marriage, it’s exciting to get caught up in the feelings of infatuation. It’s wonderful to have someone listen to you and want to spend time with you. But rather than see this as infatuation, see it for what it is: that there are emotional needs that aren’t being met. Be honest with your husband about your infatuation for this colleague and be accountable to him. 

If you think nothing about breaking up your family, don’t break up this coworker’s family. Don’t buy into the lie that love is about fluttering emotions. It is a constant choice to commit to the choice you made when you said your marriage vows.


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## msrv23 (Jul 14, 2017)

I also work in office where there are mostly guys around. Some of them are handsome, interesting and we had some good times talking too. I did feel some attraction from time to time.

But the reason I don’t cheat is because my husband is my love, even if we have issues that made me question this. Even now we are going through a rough phase and my emotional needs are starving.
But I can never do it to him. i love him and we have been through many things and life together. We built memories together. We also have a child together.

I vowed to love him. Sometimes I find it hard because my needs are not met and this resentment is blinding all the love. But I vowed to commit to him. So we try to fix this first before giving up. And it’s only right that I’d break up from him before starting another relationship.

I would also not want nything to do with a man who cheats. Today he cheats with me, tomorrow he cheats on me. I can’t admire someone who is not able to be responsible for his vows. I regard honor and promises highly.

And then is it really worth it? All relationships starts with that infatuation, then we get to know each other and infatuation fades and we get to deal with flaws and relationship issues all again. Unless we learn to solve relationships issues, like communication and how to get each other to care about fulfilling needs, they might appear in the next relationship again.
It’s easy when we don’t live with someone in the same roof. It gets hard when we do because we have to deal with them all the time and make decisions together.
So it might not be worth it. To throw away the history and what you have with someone, then break 2 families, and you start over with someone and now with a child behind. It’s messy.

Personally aside of all these I keep in mind tht I don’t know the other person well so there is no real thing anyways. It’s just some attraction that is not even comparable to what me and my husband have.

And I could never hurt my husband this way.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I have been there. As other posters said, spend that much time appreciating your husband - show him little acts of kindness, change your hours if you can if even for a day so you can go to breakfast together, leave him a note on his pillow, tell him you appreciate how hard he works, etc. He will probably respond 5 fold.

I think you have to decide if you want out of your marriage. If you do, then get out. Don't use this other man, potentially destroying his family and yours, because you need a distraction or are too lazy to create some magic in your own marriage.

Having said all of this...I think these strong attractions are hard to resist. The fact is, no good can come from it. Yes, you might get a thrill, but in the end you will hate yourself, the relationship (if one develops) will not work out. Honestly...what is this other married man doing?? He is looking for something other than fixing his own marriage. You are nothing more than a fun play thing, a stroke for his ego, a reminder that he is not old yet. Is that what you want to be, and is that worth ruining your life over?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NickyT said:


> I have been there...
> 
> ...Having said all of this...I think these strong attractions are hard to resist...
> 
> ...Honestly...what is this other married man doing?? He is looking for something other than fixing his own marriage. You are nothing more than a fun play thing, a stroke for his ego, a reminder that he is not old yet. Is that what you want to be, and is that worth ruining your life over?


Pots and kettles, stones and glass houses and all of that...


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Pots and kettles, stones and glass houses and all of that...


You selectively edit my post and then accuse me of being judgemental. 

I expressed, nor do I have, any judgement of OP. In fact, I expressed what you yourself expressed - that OP should focus on her spouse. And you also disclose that you have been in her shoes and caution her against it. wth. back off.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

The grass is greenest where we water it. Put effort into your marriage and forget this other man. Nothing good can come of it. I recommend that you stop flirting and start concentrating on how it will feel to lose your husband, possibly lose your job, and hurt your kids. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

brightsand said:


> I know that I will not act on it because at the end of the day I love my husband and he loves me. Have you ever been through this? How did you handle it? Does it pass?


I think you have the right idea. You just need to make sure you stand firm on that position and never give into impulse/emotion. The way I see it, people feel what the feel whether they want to or not. When you are feeling angry, just your mind telling your emotion to calm down won't help, HOWEVER you have control over what you do about it. I don't think you should feel guilty in any way that you feel that. I am sure it is more rare that people who's been married for 10s of years to never experience this. At the same time, your emotion shouldn't interfere or change how you used to deal with things in your relationship with your husband. 

I have had number of opportunities to make my move on a few of my past coworkers(and I was pretty damn sure they'll go along if I did), but I mentally set strict boundary and placed it in the same category as murder or child porn and other equally severe crime so I never really even toyed with the idea of trying anything like that.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NickyT said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > Pots and kettles, stones and glass houses and all of that...
> ...


I was questioning your judgement of this other man in the OPs scenario. She is guilty of the same things you claim he is guilty of, that you and I were guilty of. That is all I'm saying. I wasn't saying you were judgemental, just that your post comes across as hypocritical.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

brightsand said:


> Every time we talk he has a smile on his face. every time he sees me he gives me this little smile. And I can feel an attraction towards him and him towards me. There is definitely something there between us that is unspoken and for that reason I don't linger around too long and he does them same. But we cannot help but smile at each other.
> 
> We are both married with kids, but I haven't felt this type of attraction in a long time. I know that I will not act on it because at the end of the day I love my husband and he loves me. Have you ever been through this? How did you handle it? Does it pass?


I think some people here are overreacting. Workplace crushes are normal. You're in close proximity to attractive people who are charming then of course you're going to feel something. You're married, you're not dead. It's just being human. It's what you DO with those thoughts that matter.

At the same time, you need to see it EXACTLY for what it is. You don't love him nor are you in love with him. It's simply LUST. A biochemical caveman evolutionary response to his testosterone. Animals like humans are hardwired to procreate with a wide variety of different gene pools (people not your spouse). It's how we used to ensure genetic variety allowing for stronger traits adapting.

Now, you are clearly more than an animal. You have developed logical thinking. You can decide your family is MORE important than hopping on this guys jock. You can realize that the pain and destruction of an affair is not worth some fleeting gratification. You can keep in mind that as a supervisor, it could have work consequences as well.

The lust will fade eventually when the novelty of him wears off and you'd of been the fool who pined over some bozo who can't even do his job without a write up. Take it for what it is, a compliment than an attractive guy is attracted to you. Maintain your composer at work at all times. Go home and take it out on your husband in the sack.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MAJDEATH said:


> Imagine if you paid that much attention to your husband. I bet he would reciprocate.


Good One!


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

OP it is quite normal to be attracted to others, but of course you have vowed to be exclusive with your husband so you are right to not act on it. When you find yourself feeling this way you really need to do the opposite of what your infatuation is telling you and go full in pouring love into your husband.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I think you two need to compromise a bit and both work to change your hours so you have more time together. If you're not spending at least 15 hours a week together, doing things without children or distractions, you will not have a strong marriage. What's more important? Work or your marriage?

Get balance back into your life and stay far away from the married man. Having a crush makes you human. Encouraging the crush makes you ill suited for marriage. I have a bad feeling you'd never stand up for yourself if this other man pushed your buttons. I suggest you learn to speak up for yourself and say no. Even at performance evaluations, you can't *****foot around a person who isn't pulling their weight. This is no different.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

brightsand said:


> We are both married with kids, but I haven't felt this type of attraction in a long time. I know that I will not act on it because at the end of the day I love my husband and he loves me. Have you ever been through this? How did you handle it? *Does it pass?*


Does it pass?

I hope for your' sake this feeling, these feelings, never pass for you.

It shows that you a have a passionate, sexy, womanly side.
It shows that you are capable of really making a man happy.

It shows that your attitude, your bodily chemicals, your hormones are in working order.

If you were my wife I would want you to tell me that some guy at work has been hitting on me. That he is very attractive [do not any add more adjectives!].
But, that you would never, ever act on it because you have a husband at home. One that you love very much.
Tell your husband that he has the tools and the means to counter this other guys feelings. Tell him that he should never allow a love-seeking wife with these feelings to go to work unsatisfied.
Again, remind him, you will never cheat, it is just not fair.

Remind him that women reach their sexual peek from age thirty-five to 'maybe' fifty-five. This is the age period that men must keep their dear wife satisfied.

What you do not want to do is to instill doubt about yourself in his mind., or to make him feel inadequate.

He needs to wise up. 
That will only happen if he gets a tad fearful.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I was questioning your judgement of this other man in the OPs scenario. She is guilty of the same things you claim he is guilty of, that you and I were guilty of. That is all I'm saying. I wasn't saying you were judgemental, just that your post comes across as hypocritical.


I see....we rarely see our own culpability in these things (the prelude to an affair). I was hoping to point out that this man is not a solution and, in fact, is acting on his own issues and desires with his own pleasure at heart. I think we are so blinded by the attraction that we do not allow ourselves to take in the magnitude of the impact submitting could have on our loved ones and the loved ones of the other party. Basically, if she thinks this guy has her interests in mind, she is mistaken...just as she does not have his interests in mind. An affair is, at its core, incredibly selfish.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

The opposite sex always looks better after they have shaved, showered, or put on make-up and a push-up bra. Check him out with stained underwear, bad breath, or scratching his butt. 

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence causes its artificial turf.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Just a guess but I think these responses are not what the OP was hoping for.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

My rule of thumb is if I'm doing something I can't tell my spouse about then it's wrong and I shouldn't be doing it. Exceptions, of course, would include surprise birthday or anniversary parties or positive things like that. Not crushing on coworkers at the office.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Just a guess but I think these responses are not what the OP was hoping for.


Why? It doesn't sound like she's looking for someone to say, "Go for it! YOLO!"

Unfortunately, there's no magic formula she can take to just forget about him.

She just needs to use some good old fashioned willpower and self restraint.

The end. It's sucks catching feels. Especially if its not your spouse. Gotta cope.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Why? It doesn't sound like she's looking for someone to say, "Go for it! YOLO!"
> 
> Unfortunately, there's no magic formula she can take to just forget about him.
> 
> ...


Agreed


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NickyT said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > I was questioning your judgement of this other man in the OPs scenario. She is guilty of the same things you claim he is guilty of, that you and I were guilty of. That is all I'm saying. I wasn't saying you were judgemental, just that your post comes across as hypocritical.
> ...


Agreed. No doubt I felt justified in allowing and inviting the attention of other women. I certainly understand feeling like you have been placed on a backburner. I undoubtedly know how good it feels to have your ego stroked by another when needs aren't met at home. 

I also sympathize with the frustration OP is feeling when talking about the issue and removing obstacles doesn't open your spouses eyes to how serious the issue is for uourseld. As well as the vulnerabilities created by lack of intimacy and time spent as a couple. It is a tough spot to be in and easy to act selfishly when you feel those sparks. 

Think about it OP. Nothing but heartache down that road. It feels good, I get it. I really do. The first part of that ride is euphoric, the second half is nothing but pure hell. Best to just stay off that ride altogether. Invest back in your own marriage.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

BetrayedDad said:


> It sucks catching feels. Especially if its not your spouse. Gotta cope.


Quoted for truth. This is probably gonna suck hard for you OP even if you make the right choices regarding your marriage.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You’re being played!


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

I understand fully the your position but i have been living with the consequences of my wife in your exact position that went the extra mile and left me for him, i feel pain every day as a result, my son has no mother on a daily basis, i have no wife to share everything with, i am lonely sometimes but i can assure you that if you do step over to the other place you will have regrets as my wife asked if she could return home after 14 weeks away, but i said no, as i am determined to move on from this cheating woman, i hope you find it in yourself to show restraint, a lot of heartache in exchange for what, a new lease on life maybe, but at such a high cost to everyone involved.

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## brightsand (Nov 29, 2017)

Firstly many thanks to those who did not judge and expressed their similar situations, it was refreshing to hear that it can happen to anyone given the right storm. I feel many of you have hit it on the head when you stated that it maybe an infatuation or as I like to call it a school girl crush that I need to let go. As I stated in my original post I love my husband and will not pursue and I think it does start with making very little contact. Along with keeping in perspective that what I have with my spouse is something I do not want to throw away. There has been issues with sexual frustration and choosing to spend time with others vs me and that is something I have spoken with my husband about yesterday. I feel that as my sexual drive continue to grow his has lessened and our sex life has become very regimented, in example we only have sex on his days off when he is in the mood and only about 2 times a month max. The conversation refreshing to touch on that. At the end of the day I do have a connection with my husband and he with me. Something not worth throwing away for that short feeling of excitement with a man a barely know.


To the people who feel I was looking for approval...you are incorrect, I am not sure what has given you that idea. Either way at the end of the day if I so choose to cheat on my spouse(which will not happen) I do not need approval from anyone on a forum. But regardless thanks much for your input on my post.


Many thanks all


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Imadeamistake made one post here to warn others not to do what she did. Click on her name to read it. 

I read about a woman who was quite beautiful. Everyone liked her. Men wanted to be with her and women wanted to be her. She was the leader of the pack. One day she had some issue with her satellite dish and the male neighbor next door offered to look at it for her. Her response? "No, thanks. I know how you treat your wife. I would never want someone like you in my house." She has strong boundaries and was not afraid to tell players to go pound sand. Women like that bring honor to herself, her husband, and her children.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

brightsand said:


> I feel that as my sexual drive continue to grow his has lessened and our sex life has become very regimented, in example we only have sex on his days off when he is in the mood and only about 2 times a month max. The conversation refreshing to touch on that. At the end of the day I do have a connection with my husband and he with me. Something not worth throwing away for that short feeling of excitement with a man a barely know.


I will give you the advice we give the men here when they first show up and their wives are not into having sex with them. Now I am not talking about the ones who have done this part already, then most of us say have the hard talk and things don't' change divorce.

But when they first talk about the problem we say or at least I say,

What kind of shape are you in?
Do you help around the house?
Do you talk to your wife?
Romance her?
and so on.

So now I will give you the female version. 

What kind of shape are you in?
Do you try to seduce him?
Are you trying to be sexy around him and flirtatious?
Whatever it is to get him turned on, maybe it's texting him dirty pictures, or answering the door in your raincoat, you should know what would work. 

This goes for both sexes, sometimes if the sex is dying down it's up to you to up the ante, don't just look to your partner to do that.

Now that said if you do do these things and nothing changes then you really need to talk about it and then maybe eventually decide if you are willing to continue.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Imadeamistake made one post here to warn others not to do what she did. Click on her name to read it.


God spare all of us from silly people like this women that posted. If she would have gotten her husband back a year later she would have been wonder lusting on to the next guy. She didn't have an epiphany she is just an extreme narcissist. They are a trap.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You’re treading on perilous grounds here! Leave your “crush” in the lurch and move on!

Reconnect with your H immediately and work out your differences!*


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