# Straight girlfriend passionately kissed another girl



## Twinsplusone (6 mo ago)

Thanks for taking time to read and help.
Been together with my GF for approx 5 years with a slight break in between. She is 30 im 34. As far as im aware she has been faithful up untill now.
She went for a drink after work with an attractive female colleague who is bi. She mentioned she was only going for one but ended up staying for several. Half way through the evening i get a call from her, she was saying hey and was leaving soon, she then mentioned that this girl has kissed her. I was a bit shocked as you can imagine and asked what kind of kiss do you mean? She stated it was a proper kiss so i took that to be a snog with potentially tongues. She asked if i was okay with it, too which I replied that i think we should talk about it later but dont take it any further.

The next day she was very defensive about it as soon as we spoke saying “i dont want to talk about it” i probed to try and find out more but all i got out of her was that it was a proper kiss and happened more than once. The girl had tried more and offered to go down on her but she refused. Now to give some context she has kissed girls within her friendship group before we met and does randomly on occasion to which i dont have an issue. She has asked me before would i deem it as cheating should she kissed another girl. Ive said i dont thinks quite the same as kissing another guy but it would depend on the situation.
Later that day i started thinking about the situation more and wanted to speak to her about it because a big part of me feels like she cheated. She backtracked and got defensive saying that ive always said im okay with it and it was only a peck so it doesnt matter and to move on and forget about it.
Ive always had a no nonsense approach to people cheating on me and had ended things with people previously. We have been together a long time and have planned a future together but im in two minds on whether i can movr past this.
ive asked her for some distance and time to think while i process and make a decision!
Any help would be appreciated!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If you see it as cheating then you see it as cheating regardless of genders involved.

Ask her how she’d feel if you went out with some gay dude and had a little make out session and the guy was wanting to go down on you. 

Sounds to me like she’s trying to get some strange on the side and is trying to use a loophole that it is a chick.

Some guys are cool with it if it’s another chick.

Some guys are cool with it if it’s in a threesome involving him where he is getting his too.

And some guys don’t see the distinction between making out with someone else regardless of gender.

You will have to determine where you draw the line. 

Then draw that line and enforce the boundary on where you will remain in the relationship or exit stage left.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

A girlfriend is a tryout. Usually an admitted kiss is more. She stayed several hours for what? Sounds like you know only the tip of this iceberg, Her behavior is cheating.
Are you ok with having someone else in your relationship?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Your girlfriend isn’t as straight as you think.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

She is minimizing.

She is lying to you.

She is being defensive when she is the one who did something wrong.

OP. When did lying become OK in your relationship?

She said it was a proper kiss and more than one. Now it was just a peck.

She is full of ****. She knows it and you know it.

All that remains is whether you will allow her to lir to you, to disrspect you, to be defensive while minimizing what she willingly, knowing chose to do.

The bottom line is she cheated.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its just as much cheating as kissing a guy. Would I want Mr D kissing a guy on the lips? No way. 
I suspect they have done far more in any case.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

This is cheating. Gender is immaterial. Tolerate this and you lose self respect and are diminished in her eyes, as well.
Cheating is, essentially, crossing the Rubicon. Your relationship is forever denatured. You will resent this betrayal forever, and she will always feel she got one over on you. 
Presumably, you can find someone that is both attractive and trustworthy. You should jettison your girlfriend.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Twinsplusone said:


> Thanks for taking time to read and help.
> Been together with my GF for approx 5 years with a slight break in between. She is 30 im 34. As far as im aware she has been faithful up untill now.
> She went for a drink after work with an attractive female colleague who is bi. She mentioned she was only going for one but ended up staying for several. Half way through the evening i get a call from her, she was saying hey and was leaving soon, she then mentioned that this girl has kissed her. I was a bit shocked as you can imagine and asked what kind of kiss do you mean? She stated it was a proper kiss so i took that to be a snog with potentially tongues. She asked if i was okay with it, too which I replied that i think we should talk about it later but dont take it any further.
> 
> ...


IMO you should move on and forget about it…

…which will be all the easier for you to do once you’ve dumped her.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

If it would be cheating if she did it with a man, it’s cheating when she does it with a woman. IMHO.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Twinsplusone She admitted to a "proper" kiss because she was testing the water with you. I suspect there was more than a "proper" kiss. Had you said "that's OK" she'd have continued and maybe stayed overnight, even.

Where were they, exactly? At a pub? Nightclub or had the action moved on to her friend's home?

At the moment you remind me of this meme










Your girlfriend has set fire to your relationship, everything is burning around you and you're just going "this is fine."

Well, it's not fine. Your girlfriend cheated on you and wants to cheat on you more.

This isn't because she's bi-sexual, or she's straight and bi-curious. It's because she's a cheater.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Infidelity has no gender. Cheating is cheating.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Twinsplusone said:


> Now to give some context she has kissed girls within her friendship group before


The thing with today's males is that they are practically clueless about the implications of getting into a serious relationship with a woman that has tendency towards homosexuality. Plus the lack of self respect and dignity. 

Let's forget for one moment the issue of same sex shenanigans, what she did is cheating. She telling you about it is a sign that she has little respect for you and the relationship. She has you peg as a beta dude that she can **** around with. Time to nip this relationship already. 

Now going back to the same sex crap. What today's dudes don't understand is that getting into a relationship with a woman that shows tendency towards homosexuality is an almost sure thing that eventually, probably later in life rather than soon, this woman's cravings for contact with another female will eventually in most probability get emotionally involved with another woman, and the poor sucker of a husband/partner is being left sucking his thumb, watching his woman moving in with another woman, taking his house, his kids, and a chunk of his money, while the poor sucker is forced to live in an apartment, eating Ramen soup. It happens all the time nowadays. Moreover, why would you risk to procreate with a woman that shows homosexual tendencies? Have we all forgotten what is it that we as biological entities seek? That of procreation with the most fit partner to pass on the best genetic material that we can.

Bottom line, she's not a candidate for a long term serious relationship because she has no respect for you and the relationship. She is demonstrating to you that she will do as she wishes, and you just be sit there like a trained puppy, and take it. Dude grow a pair, get your self respect and dignity back and kick her to the kerb. There's plenty of fish in the ocean to choose a better partner. 

Part of the problem with today's men is that they also lack conviction, courage, and prefer to take it rather than be a man that will not tolerate any **** from a partner.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thankfully you are not married so move on.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I mean it's cheating, but you made the mistake of kind of endorsing it early on so she probably didn't feel like she was doing anything you would object to so you may be stuck with it. 

Kissing girls in her friendship group sounds fishy to me. I guess different cultures or locales do different things but me and my girlfriends don't kiss.


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## SnowToArmPits (Jan 2, 2016)

You get a chance to 'kiss' another girl, 'kiss' the hell out of her.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

You two are just bf gf. Embrace or not, either way you're good. Be optimistic


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

You gave her the wrong idea when you accepted , her kissing other women, in a way you opened the gate , 

This is cheating but you have to except a part of the responsibility

you need to think first about what and how much you are willing to except , then you need to talk and let her know you do not except beating around the bush ,


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

She is a girlfriend and not your wife. No vows to be faithful to one another were exchanged so she is free to do as she wishes. If you are not okay with what she chooses to do, then move on.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


> She is a girlfriend and not your wife. No vows to be faithful to one another were exchanged so she is free to do as she wishes. If you are not okay with what she chooses to do, then move on.


I do agree with you unless if they have agreed to be monogamous. 
and unless both of them agree to open relationship ,


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Diceplayer said:


> No vows to be faithful to one another were exchanged so she is free to do as she wishes.


Excuse me...and you know this how? Unless I missed it, I didn't read anywhere where OP say that they didn't have any vows of fidelity. 

Moreover, unless it’s agreed upon at the onset of the relationship, being boyfriend-girlfriend means exclusivity.

As a matter of fact, just because you marry someone it doesn't mean that that person won't or isn't allowed to cheat. Marry or not marry people that want to cheat will cheat and there's nothing you can't do about it other than accepting it or leaving. But to think that because they're just boyfriend/girlfriend she doesn't own him fidelity it's preposterous.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Excuse me...and you know this how? Unless I missed it, I didn't read anywhere where OP say that they didn't have any vows of fidelity.
> 
> Moreover, unless it’s agreed upon at the onset of the relationship, being boyfriend-girlfriend means exclusivity.
> 
> As a matter of fact, just because you marry someone it doesn't mean that that person won't or isn't allowed to cheat. Marry or not marry people that want to cheat will cheat and there's nothing you can't do about it other than accepting it or leaving. But to think that because they're just boyfriend/girlfriend she doesn't own him fidelity it's preposterous.


a friend worked in a hotel where most weddings would hold the breakfast / party , she said in her time she has seen the new groom sleep with the bridesmaid , or new wife sleep with other guy so yes having a expensive wedding is nothing


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## damo7 (Jul 16, 2020)

Personally I'd dump her. You'll only have yourself to blame in 5 years when your life is **** because of her.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Based upon your name, do you have kids with this woman?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

*Straight girlfriend *passionately kissed another girl


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

I'm married now, but when dating I had rules that were determined by emotional involvement and future possibilities or impossibilities. The rules were not for others to follow but were ones I followed that help me manage expectations. 

Where does your girlfriend stand? Just a girlfriend with no chance of becoming a future wife, or one that demonstrates being wife capable. The answer to this question may or may not influence your thinking, but I always found separating the now from the future in relationships with women greatly helped my ability to manage my expectations. 

For me girlfriends were not automatically a precursor to being life partners. Not even close, although they never knew it. They were either one or the other and there was never any confusion on my part as to where they fell. I simply observed there decision making and emotional practicality among other things and placed them into a category. Sometimes they straddled the two, but more often than not it was one of the two or they would do something that cemented my conclusion. 

I had higher expectations of girlfriends or women who projected strongly to being great wives. However if you weren't wife material, I was only looking for three "must haves", 1. compatibility/fun, 2. exclusivity and 3. sex. Each had to rate in the 9-10 category because that's all I was looking for, aside from physical and emotional attraction. If they didn't hit this threshold, then they fell into the acquaintance or FWB category. I'd call them at the last minute to do stuff because I called higher thought of women first. 

So OP, I probably would have considered it hot that my girlfriend kissed another woman which is odd because I'm as far from bi as could be, but for some reason when women are bi or bi curious it's hot. Maybe it's a sexist thing or possibly because I'm a borderline perv and I was exactly that when I was a boyfriend to women who were not future wives. Although I say I placed them in categories, they actually placed themselves into them by being themselves. If they had loose boundaries, then I had loose ones also just for fun sake. 

But here's the thing. Girlfriends can be let go at anytime which is why I was more inclined to just have few expectations. If you think the fun is gone if she's into women, then just call it off. As a poster said previously, girlfriends are tryouts. That's a hilarious way to put it, but it's true.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Is it me, or are there a lot of straight people turning gay threads lately? Most of which don't have a lot of posts from the OP.

Seems like a "trend".


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> Is it me, or are there a lot of straight people turning gay threads lately? Most of which don't have a lot of posts from the OP.
> 
> Seems like a "trend".


Then report them as per the rules.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Gabriel said:


> Is it me, or are there a lot of straight people turning gay threads lately? Most of which don't have a lot of posts from the OP.
> 
> Seems like a "trend".


I guess all the media hype is working like they wanted......


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Kidding a chick that she knows is bi- getting drunk with her, then the next day acting totally defensive at any questions….
Nah, I’m sure nothing happened.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why might there be an increase in posts of a certain type?

This might be one reason why:-

Person A posts on TAM "I have a problem with my husband. I think he is doing X, Y and Z. What do I do about this?"

Her original post is quoted and replied to numerous times and generates a reasonable amount of traffic and some good advice.

Person B thinks "I am suspicious of my husband. I think he is doing X, Y and Z. I'll do a Google search on the topic 'I think my husband is doing X, Y and Z.' let's see what happens."

And the first result on their search is Person A's posts on their husband doing X, Y and Z on TAM.

Person B posts on TAM about her husband doing X, Y and Z and that adds to the search results and perhaps more spouses with similar issues in their relationship wind up on TAM seeking help.

How can this happen?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I sometimes kiss my friends, but never passionately. My close friends and I hug and kiss each other on the cheek. I don't know any of my friends who passionately kiss other women. Straight women don't do that. A woman who is passionately kissing other women is either bi or homosexual. I seriously doubt it stops at kissing. 

I think it's highly probably that your girlfriend is lying to you about her sexual orientation and her sexual activities. If not, it's only a matter of time before she embraces the truth about herself. 

Do not marry this woman. If you do, you'll be sorry you did.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

one swallow does not make a summer


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Twinsplusone said:


> i probed to try and find out more but all i got out of her was that it was a proper kiss and happened more than once.


More than once means a passionate make out session.
Definite cheating and your girlfriend was into it.
Only pain and more cheating in the future for you.
Time to move on.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> She is minimizing.
> 
> She is lying to you.
> 
> ...


I totally agree.
If it was simply a kiss, even French kissing, why would she even bother to tell her boyfriend and start boiling the pot?
She is likely giving a censored toned down version of what went down (excuse the pun) on the said evening.
What does puzzle me, after a 5 year relationship and that`s a long time, why has the OP not put an engagement ring on his girlfriend`s finger and planned a wedding date?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

This was a one-post wonder, like three weeks ago, and the OP has not returned.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Twinsplusone said:


> Thanks for taking time to read and help.
> Been together with my GF for approx 5 years with a slight break in between. She is 30 im 34. As far as im aware she has been faithful up untill now.
> She went for a drink after work with an attractive female colleague who is bi. She mentioned she was only going for one but ended up staying for several. Half way through the evening i get a call from her, she was saying hey and was leaving soon, she then mentioned that this girl has kissed her. I was a bit shocked as you can imagine and asked what kind of kiss do you mean? She stated it was a proper kiss so i took that to be a snog with potentially tongues. She asked if i was okay with it, too which I replied that i think we should talk about it later but dont take it any further.
> 
> ...


She isn't straight, plain and simple. She isn't your straight GF, she is your bi-GF

She kissed another person passionately and liked it (kissed her more than once).
She is blame shifting and gaslighting

If the other person weren't a woman, what would your gut instinct tell you to do? This is a coworker that has clearly indicated she is sexually interested in your GF and even kissed her. Now she is seeing her every day with the knowledge that they want her. Again, change the coworker's gender, what would you do?

What do you think made her decide to tell and even ask if you were okay with it? That seems kind of odd, like she thought you might get off on it or something. I suspect you may have set up the circumstances for this to happen by being wishy washy on whether you were okay with her kissing other women.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> This was a one-post wonder, like three weeks ago, and the OP has not returned.


Damn, how did I miss that.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Laurentium said:


> This was a one-post wonder, like three weeks ago, and the OP has not returned.


And I was going to ask him for pics of said kiss


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