# Opinion Please



## married07 (Jan 8, 2010)

My wife is pregnant with our first child. I have a bowling league that meets at 6:30 once a week. Our child is due in about 6 weeks and she has demanded that I do not go to bowling anymore. This is indefinite and will continue after the child is born. Her reasoning is that she could go into labor at anytime, I have a cell phone and I would only be 20 minutes away from the house; the doctor said it was no big deal but upon me bring that up she denied that conversation with the doctor happened.

I am really upset about this and have told her so but she does not care and gets angry with me for being selfish... am I way off base and not seeing her point?

I have been bowling for 20 out of my 27 years and she knows it means a lot to me, she using her lack of outside interests as an example that i should follow.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hey married07,
your wife is just scared, she doesn't know what to expect and I remember feeling emotional and needy near the end, the thought of giving birth alone is a scary thing.....reassure her that you will be there if she needs you right away.....could she go along with you? 
be patient with her, a lot is going on for her and a lot of fears with being a mother I'm sure..
good luck and congrats


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## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

I can see what jessi is saying and totally right on about it discuss keeping it close to home or if not that would it really be to much to put aside your hobby for the last few weeks , a child is a big deal and what if something came up and you would have wished you were closer to help and wasnt ?? Just something to think about i have two children and i was there for mine for all of it till the end except when i was at work and even then i got the call a couple times at work on false alarms and i was gone going a 120 all the way to her, she just is scared wants your security she has a lot going on and maybe even dealing with emotions you and i will never understand from this experience. Should have seen how my wifes moods went for months it could have been any mood at any second it was nuts but i bit my lip and just did what was best for every mood


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

For the love of God, bowl.

Maybe you should stop going to work too ... I mean you never know, right?
Don't fight with her. Don't even engage her over it. Reassure her with a smile and a touch and simply tell her;"I love you. I will be here when you need me."

You could take it a step further and ask "What is this really about? "


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

This is a tough one. I had to have an emergency C-Section by myself because my H didn't "believe" in having a "leash" or what is known as a cell phone to most adults. And it was horrible. I had never been so scared in my life. Something was wrong with baby, I was having surgery for the 1st time in my life and I couldn't get a hold of him. These are probably all things she is worried about.

Maybe talk with her about not going a week or two before baby comes and a week or two after baby gets here. She may need the help!!


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

I don't think it's unreasonable to stay close to home for a couple weeks before and a couple weeks after. However, as has been stated, she is likely scared and doesn't know what to expect. She wants to close by for comfort and reassurance. Letting her know that you will be there as soon as your needed would help. Making sure your cell is always charged and you always have it on you. I stuck fairly close to home with the birth of our first.
(granted, with our second I went camping 4 hours away about 2 weeks before the due date...  But she was OK with it.)


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Your schedule gets heavily interrupted during the last month before a baby is born and for a few months afterwards. Once you get into your new routine with the baby, and it's not so scary anymore for her to be alone with the baby, she'll probably suggest that you can start bowling again with no trouble.

What really bothers her is the idea of being alone and not knowing what to do and not having anybody there to help if something goes wrong.

Tell your wife that _of course_ you'll give up bowling to be there for her and the baby. The last month of the pregnancy is the "have to go at any moment" stage, but until then not really necessary to give up everything.

To help her be less afraid, and to take a starring role in being her hero so she's not so afraid, buy a copy of _What To Expect When You're Expecting_ and read it to her for a half-hour every night. Depending on how close she is to having the baby, you might also get a copy of _What To Expect The First Year_ and read that too, so as you'll both be less unsure about what'll happen when there's a new baby in your house.

Be her reliable, present hero right now. That's what she needs. When the moment of uncertainty and worry has passed, and she sees that she can survive for an hour without you there, she'll probably feel a little silly about how emotional she was being right now.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

20-year hobby vs baby being born

On the one hand, you like bowling a lot. If you miss a few nights bowling, is it really that much of a loss in your life?

On the other hand, being there for your wife's assurance during her final 6 weeks of pregnancy with your first baby, even if you feel as though she's overreacting--test of loyalty or end of bowling as we know it?

You fear that this could be the end of your enjoyment of bowling if you cave to this. It's really not. It's just a few weeks hiatus.

Your wife is nervous about the baby coming and you need to reassure her somehow. Seems like a pretty easy thing to do for a few weeks.

BTW, get ready. Your free time is about to be slurped up by baby things. You'll still bowl if you want to. However, you will have serious negotiations about free time between you and your wife.


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