# Short term ex-girlfriend contacted me



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I've been married for just a few months now and couldn't be happier.

My wife is very sensitive about my past relationships and seems to be a bit jealous in general about other women.

She is the type of person that never wants us to go anywhere I have been before with another woman.

Last year, before meeting my wife, I dated a woman for about three months over the summer in which I ended due to smothering and controlling issues.

On a few occasions, my wife has asked me if I still think about her, to which I clearly don't and told her so.

Well, that ex-girlfriend found out via FB that I am married and sent me an email to congratulate me. She also asked what was wrong with our relationship as to why I ended it. When I broke it off, she didn't want to know the reasons, so I never had the opportunity to tell her, yet now she wants to know so she won't make those same mistakes again in future relationships.

I think that if I were to respond, my wife would become upset, yet, I don't want to be rude and just ignore the email.

Any ideas on what is best for my marriage, not the ex?

My gut feeling is to ignore it and move on, but I would hate for her to start some sort of stalking or whatever.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

IndyTMI said:


> I've been married for just a few months now and couldn't be happier.
> 
> My wife is very sensitive about my past relationships and seems to be a bit jealous in general about other women.
> 
> ...


This is your answer.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

IndyTMI said:


> Any ideas on what is best for my marriage, not the ex?


Blow her off. She's fishing!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I am not a rude person, but if I find myself in a situation where my wife's feelings are in play, her feelings always win, every time, no questions asked, end of story.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why would you prioritize a "short term ex-girlfriend's" feelings of being hurt over your wife's? Who cares if her knickers get in a twist?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You offered to tell her then and she didn't want to know and now she does? Too bad. You aren't required to answer questions from other people. Especially when you know your wife is jealous of past relationships. Don't respond.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

This brief ex-GF is testing the waters. She learned you got married & now wants to see if she still "has it". Ignore her & block her from FB. She doesn't need any explanantions from you nor do you owe her any. Your wife's feelings trump this ex-GF's feelings. End of story.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> Blow her off. She's fishing!


Here is your answer OP.

DO NOT reply. Not because your wife would get upset (which btw should be good enough of a reason anyways) but because she is YOUR EX for a reason.

Keep her where she belongs, in your history.

You see, what she wrote is completely irrelevant and a LIE. She is simply waiting for you to eat the bait. Bait = response FROM you.

She is NOT happy for you, she actually feel quite opposite of that. She is jealous and hates the fact that you have someone special and she doesn't.....thus, wanting to ruin your relationship and make you suffer the way she is suffering today.

Meanwhile, focus on your wife. She needs work in the jealousy department.....it doesn't sound healthy AT ALL.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Amplexor said:


> Blow her off. She's fishing!


I agree. Unfortunately, I also think that your presently happy marriage will eventually suffer from the effects of an unreasonably jealous and controlling wife. As time goes on, don't forget to be a good man and not her wuss.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Your guilt and nice guy (TM) people pleasing behavior is the same thing you've been doing all along. It's great evidence that you jumped into marriage quickly without time for personal growth. You really need to get your head straight.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

You all answered what I was feeling before I even posted. It's great to get the feedback!

I blocked her on FB and see that you are correct, she is fishing, as this was a new account than she used previously.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Did you tell your wife that she contacted you? If not, you should. If she finds out later and you hadn't told her, god help you.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Good man. Keep the peace. Go with your gut feeling of not answering


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> I agree. Unfortunately, I also think that your presently happy marriage will eventually suffer from the effects of an unreasonably jealous and controlling wife. As time goes on, don't forget to be a good man and not her wuss.



Disagree. I don't see any support that his wife is controlling, only that she is sensitive where exes are concerned. That's not unusual, many others feel this way. I'm the same way, probably because my hb stuck his exes in my face for a long time. Partly my fault for not dealing with it sooner, but I'm not otherwise controlling. I just don't want to hear about his exes and don't think either of us needs to be in contact with them, except for kid related stuff of course.

OP, you absolutely did the right thing. She was fishing and it's good you see that. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

your gut feeling was not to tell your wife, for reasons that are understandable given her jealousy issues, but there's a problem here, and it's not going to get better unless you deal with it.

Tell your wife about the contact and tell her why you didn't tell her sooner. 

I wouldn't respond to the exgf.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

lenzi said:


> your gut feeling was not to tell your wife, for reasons that are understandable given her jealousy issues, but there's a problem here, and it's not going to get better unless you deal with it.
> 
> Tell your wife about the contact and tell her why you didn't tell her sooner.
> 
> I wouldn't respond to the exgf.


I agree. It might actually help her insecurity to know you shut it down, otherwise she spins scenarios in her head.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

This is an opportunity for this ex to stick her foot in the door. If you respond, she can then continue conversation with you and seem like the nicest person on the planet. 

She is fishing. She found out you're married and is probably a bit jealous or is wanting to see if you are still interested in her. Clearly she is still thinking of you if she is looking you up on FB. 

Just don't respond to her and tell your wife that she messaged you...but that you did NOT respond...show her that you didn't.

Doing that will help to build trust in your relationship. Don't put the ex's feelings above your wife's....ever.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

staarz21 said:


> This is an opportunity for this ex to stick her foot in the door. If you respond, she can then continue conversation with you and seem like the nicest person on the planet.
> 
> She is fishing. She found out you're married and is probably a bit jealous or is wanting to see if you are still interested in her. Clearly she is still thinking of you if she is looking you up on FB.
> 
> ...


I can't agree enough with your last statement. My hb did something that put his ex wife's feelings ahead of mine years ago and I still remember it. You remember things like that, and it did damage to our relationship; it's not worth it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tabitha (Jun 17, 2014)

Most DEFINITELY tell you wife NOW about the contact, and show her that you did not answer AND that you blocked her from future contact. If she gets upset, tell her that you have no control over what others choose to do (the ex gf sending the message) while pointing out that you're not keeping it a secret from her (that you could've withheld it from her) AND that you did the right thing by ignoring that woman's request. 

Kudos to you for doing the right thing....now just finish it off. You'll be thankful in the long-run, especially if there's any chance in he!! of your wife finding out that you didn't tell her. 

Trust me....my husband wishes every day that he'd told me something similar. He's too nice to old friends and didn't think enough about my feelings (because it was "innocent", he didn't think it'd matter--well, if it's a woman from the past, think again mister!).


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I spoke with my wife yesterday about the email that the ex had sent and what I did thereafter. 

I told her where I thought she may have obtained news about our marriage through FB and that I then blocked her and reset my security levels so my profile cannot be seen by the public. Heck, I only use that for finding out what my friends and family are up to, as I rarely ever post anything, so I wouldn't be at a loss if I never used it again.

I told her what the email consisted of and that I deleted it and would not reply.

She told me that it sounded like she was fishing and wanted to bring drama into our lives. I agreed.

She then thanked me for sharing that with her and I must say she was extra affectionate last night. :smthumbup:

Being open and honest certainly paid off with this situation.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

IndyTMI said:


> I've been married for just a few months now and couldn't be happier.
> 
> My wife is very sensitive about my past relationships and seems to be a bit jealous in general about other women.
> 
> ...


Real simple. Do not respond. She will get the picture.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

IndyTMI said:


> I spoke with my wife yesterday about the email that the ex had sent and what I did thereafter.
> 
> I told her where I thought she may have obtained news about our marriage through FB and that I then blocked her and reset my security levels so my profile cannot be seen by the public. Heck, I only use that for finding out what my friends and family are up to, as I rarely ever post anything, so I wouldn't be at a loss if I never used it again.
> 
> ...


Well executed sir! You do realize your trust level just skyrocketed. That is a great thing. Now keep that trust your W has in you and covet it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Well done OP

Honest and positive actions of partners when issues arise/come up is what makes relationships stronger/better!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

this is much simpler than it seems. show your wife the message, and ask HER how SHE would like you to respond.


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## Tabitha (Jun 17, 2014)

IndyTMI said:


> I spoke with my wife yesterday about the email that the ex had sent and what I did thereafter. .......
> 
> Being open and honest certainly paid off with this situation.



VERY well done, Indy! Assume it will always matter to your wife where other women are concerned, even if it seems trivial to you. IF she ever finds out after the fact, it will be a bigger issue than you can imagine at the time. Try to err on the side of full disclosure and you'll be good (in that department).


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well done sir! You're the man in your wife's eyes right now.....keep it up!
_Posted via Mobile Devic_


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