# Making a list and checking it twice.



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Happy Horrordays all!

The holidays can trigger all sorts of uncontrollable suck, easily spiraling one into misery.

I've found that it helps to have a physical list of all the crappy things about my past relationship and ex. helps me reset.

Give it a shot, and treat the next three weeks like triage. All I want to get out of this year's holidays is just to survive it.

Cheers.


*Naughty List*
Denigrated me.
Issued ultimatums about relationship.
Attacked me.
Chose career over relationship.
Lied.
Unaccountable.

x


----------



## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

Orpheus said:


> Happy Horrordays all!
> 
> The holidays can trigger all sorts of uncontrollable suck, easily spiraling one into misery.
> 
> ...


1. Never says I'm sorry without a "but".
2. Takes 0 responsibility for anything.
3. Spends money like it grows on trees.
4. Verbally and emotionally abusive.
5. Is a liar.
6. Blameshifter.
7. Entitled.
8. Has a posOm and has integrated him into my family and we aren't even divorced yet..coward.
9. Self centered.
10. Is incapable of loving anyone including herself.


----------



## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

1. Doesnt work
2. Never is responsible for actions
3. He is never wrong
4. He manipulates
5. controlling and verbal
6. Jealous
7. Denies there was ever another Women
Now all I have to do is let go!!!


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Too Little Too Late? said:


> 1. Never says I'm sorry without a "but".
> 2. Takes 0 responsibility for anything.
> 3. Spends money like it grows on trees.
> 4. Verbally and emotionally abusive.
> ...


wow that reminds me of someone i know to a tee, sad


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wow, so hard to list it all individually. 

1.) Failed to treat me as an equal
2.) Gaslighted
3.) Multiple EAs
4.) Passive-aggressive
and numbers 1-10 on TLTL's list.

Most of all, he failed to love and to cherish the wonderfulness that is ME!


----------



## N8vee (Nov 4, 2012)

I would have made a list as well; but TLTL hit the nail right on the head.


----------



## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

My list is too long so I'll just put my #1 thing to remind me what a d!ck he is.

*Cheated on me for "13" years!*


----------



## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Merry Christmas Orpheus


----------



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

miss you, baby. hope you're cozy and well loved down south. and your #1 is pretty solid.


----------



## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I am new to this forum. I have previously been in the infidelity forum. I am going through a divorce because of my husbands multiple EA's, deception and lies. The weekends are especially emotional for me because he is constantly trying to get me to come back to him despite the fact that I have file for divorce. I like the idea of the list, because it will help me keep things in perspective. So heres mine...

1. Multiple EA's
2. Lies and decieves
3. Manipulative
4. Controlling
5. Mean to my kids
6. Constantly looks at, talks to, and comments on other women...never talks about men.
7. Only did what he wanted to do.
8. Spent money wastefully
9. Spent too much time in a bar for "socialization".
10. Very mean verbally and emotionally.

I need to print this out and look at it when he starts to try to manipulate my emotions.


----------



## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

1. Man of 1,000 excuses
2. EAs
3. Secret emails, Facebook accounts, for years
4. Put me in about 5th place in his life, including after his car!
5. Angry
6. Ignored me and kids 28 of 30 days each month
7. Only affectionate when interested in sex
8. Seriously lame sex
9. Did the opposite of what I wanted, every time, because he can't be told what to do.
10. Showed no concern for my feelings
11. Didn't do fair share of housework, taking care of kids
12. Spent money to the point we have no savings
13. Didn't do much with the kids
14. Lied easily then blamed me, for whatever
15. Controlling
16. Passive-agressive

...I guess that's enough reasons to keep me going!


----------



## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Serenity_Prayer said:


> 1. Man of 1,000 excuses
> 2. EAs
> 3. Secret emails, Facebook accounts, for years
> 4. Put me in about 5th place in his life, including after his car!
> ...


That's it?


----------



## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

Actually, no! After reading some other posts, I thought of:

17. Refusal to communicate - being the 'wall' I talked to.
18. Lack of morals/conviction. Didn't really care about any causes outside of himself.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

1. Selfish
2. Narcissistic
3. Borderline (uBPD)
4. Verbally abusive
5. Emotionally abusive
6. Gas lighter
7. Blame shifter
8. Untrusting
9. Untrustworthy
10. Self-hating
11. Constantly self-depricating 
12. Liar
13. Cheater
14. History re-writer
15. Insecure
16. Unreliable
17. Hermit
18. Closed off
19. Inattentive mother
20. Terrible temper
21. Forgetful
22. Demanding
23. Needy
24. Paranoid
25. Anxious
26. Manipulative
27. Unforgiving
28. Unempathetic
29. Lazy
30. Alcoholic
31. Depressed
32. Antisocial

Did I mention selfish, cheating liar? 

Merry Xmas!


----------



## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Orpheus said:


> miss you, baby. hope you're cozy and well loved down south. and your #1 is pretty solid.


I'm doing great. Just staying this side of cray-cray as usual. Hope you're staying cozy up there in the Big Apple.


----------



## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Lets see:

1) blameshifter
2) emotional shut out
3) never made me a priority
4) continues to not make our daughter a priority
5) slept with me, then kicked me out that night(still a wtf moment for me)
6) kicked me out 8 months pregnant
7) can't truly take responsibility
8)forcing me to do all of the heavy lifting with his divorce
9) put his friends before me
10) would purposely upset me and then use it against me
11) always complained about the house, even when I was heavily pregnant and was supposed to be on bed rest
12) he was indecisive, still is
13) would drool over other women, in front of me
14) ignore me on our wedding anniversary, only talked about our "hot waitress".
15) jerked my feelings around during separation
16) selfish
17) had to walk on eggshells around him
18) basically had an ea
19) is a horrible father
20) shows no concern for anything other than what deals with himself. When he kicked me out, me and our unborn daughter was out of sight, out of mind to him.
....I could go on


----------



## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Serenity_Prayer said:


> Actually, no! After reading some other posts, I thought of:
> 
> 17. Refusal to communicate - being the 'wall' I talked to.
> 18. Lack of morals/conviction. Didn't really care about any causes outside of himself.


Oh yeah and this.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

abandonmentissues said:


> 3) never made me a priority
> 4) continues to not make our daughter a priority
> 5) slept with me, then kicked me out that night(still a wtf moment for me)
> 17) had to walk on eggshells around him


AI - I know exactly how you feel! Still a wtf moment for me too. Had a small argument with stbxw (was dear wife then) then had makeup sex in the kitchen. I stepped out for a cig after and she flipped me off, locked the door and went to bed. Left me to sleep on the patio all night. Very next night, before we even had a chance to talk about it, she didn't come home. Slept at OMs house (didn't know until later) and missed daughters school award ceremony even though I texted her in the morning and gave her plenty of time to make it home. 

That's when I got the ILYBNILWY speech. pft!


----------



## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Yeah, I dont get it, Z. What kind of people do that to other people? Oh wait I know, unstable and unadjusted people?


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

abandonmentissues said:


> Yeah, I dont get it, Z. What kind of people do that to other people? Oh wait I know, unstable and unadjusted people?


Not the kind that get my love, respect or attention any more!

Did yours have childhood trauma? Mine did and I see many borderline personality traits in her. Ever read the book "Stop Walking On Eggshells"? Might be enlightening based on what you describe.


----------



## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

No he had no childhood trauma. At least not that I know of. he was a decent fellow until he changed right after we got pregnant(we were trying by the way)


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

abandonmentissues said:


> No he had no childhood trauma. At least not that I know of. he was a decent fellow until he changed right after we got pregnant(we were trying by the way)


Mine kept herself in check for the better part of a decade. Outbursts and emotional abuse here and then but nothing we couldn't work through. Other small issues that any marriage has but otherwise was pretty good! Until the affair. Then I was suddenly living with a demon. Very abusive with no empathy toward me or my daughter.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I can't remember. I know there was a lot.
Bottom line was that I didn't feel like myself and also it just all felt so wrong. Now I feel like myself and things feel right.
Thanks, Santa!


----------

