# Age - are we bad at judging this?



## SomeDamagedGoods (Nov 11, 2012)

This conversation was going on in another thread, but the thread was deleted. 

Anyway - the point was made that it seems that you frequently see statements like this "I'm XX, but people tell me I look a lot younger." when people describe themselves.

Does everyone look younger than they are? I've known only a few people who actually looked older than they were (balding, beer gut, gray hair does this) but for the most part do we misjudge age that bad?

Disclosure - when people learn my "true age" (pushing 50) I very frequently get the response that I look much much younger. Since this is a marriage web site, I'll also throw in that my wife really hates it when I tell her these stories - which I find somewhat perplexing. :scratchhead:


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

People tend to guess younger on purpose at times to make a good first impression, but don't take that as meaning you don't look younger yourself. I'm just making a broad statement and what I tend to do. If there was a money Benton it, I'm sure the gap would close a few years.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

People generally think I'm 10 years OLDER than I am- lots of gray.
I think certain characteristics like gray hair/no hair automatically make people think you are much older


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## SomeDamagedGoods (Nov 11, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> People generally think I'm 10 years OLDER than I am- lots of gray.
> I think certain characteristics like gray hair/no hair automatically make people think you are much older


About 15 years ago I had a boss who was 40, but looked like he was over 50. I'd never seen anything like it before. When he was with his wife, you'd swear it was his daughter.

He silver hair, deep acne scars, and the gut. It really made him look old. He was a great guy with a terrific attitude though.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Gray hair/balding definitely ages you out. One of my class mates from college grayed super early. He married this gorgeous woman who was just a year behind us. However if you look at them you'd think he was robbing the cradle, even though both are only in their late 20's/early 30's. He easily looks to be in his 40's.

A beard can age you too. I wore a beard for a good 7 or 8 years. I decided to cut it off a few months ago, just because I realized that I hadn't seen my full face since college. I was stunned at the results. It wasn't until then that I realized that my face has almost no signs of aging. I am not an old man, but shaved my face looks very young. I know this objectively because after I shaved my beard almost everyone in my life commented on how young I looked. My wife said she feels like she's almost dating a younger man because my face looks so much like it did in my late teen/early 20's. I posted a pic and a female friend I haven't seen in over a decade said "would you stop taking the youth juice and age already!". People who had never seen me bare faced were floored, and kinda freaked out by how different, and younger, I suddenly looked from the person they knew. I went to a bar with another friend of mine, and he looks really young, and these two women asked were we really old enough to be in the bar. Turns out they were both three years _younger _than me. What does give my age away is that I have an old soul. Always have.

That's how you know if you actually look younger than your age. Get enough unsolicited comments, and you start to realize that yeah, there is something to it. I have seen people who swear they look sooo much younger than their biological age, and they keep saying it over, and over, and over again, in the hopes that they'll convince you.


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

In the United States, if you are over 35 and a healthy weight, people will think you look younger than you are.


Edit - I don't mean to sound condescending in my post. Actually, I have been overweight and I do understand that sometimes it is very, very hard to change one's habits.


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## SomeDamagedGoods (Nov 11, 2012)

> I know this objectively because after I shaved my beard almost everyone in my life commented on how young I looked.


Had a similar experience. I had a beard for a long time (15 years?) then decided to lose it earlier this year. It created quite the shock.



> Get enough unsolicited comments, and you start to realize that yeah, there is something to it.


This is one of the things I've been wondering - if it's just me or everyone goes through this. I do get a lot of unsolicited comments and also anytime a conversation turns to a topic that is age related. One time I mentioned how I'll soon be an "empty nester" (my son will be off to college soon) and yes - there were comments but it wasn't so much the comments but the looks of disbelief on the faces on the two people I was talking to (one M, the other F). The assumption then is that I had kids when I was a teenager or something (I didn't - was well into my 30s). 

It's all extremely flattering and I've not given it much thought until more recently as I start to push the big 50. 



> In the United States, if you are over 35 and a healthy weight, people will think you look younger than you are.
> 
> 
> Edit - I don't mean to sound condescending in my post. Actually, I have been overweight and I do understand that sometimes it is very, very hard to change one's habits.


Lol - I know someone who is about 100 lbs overweight but he looks like he's about 15 years younger than he is. In fact, he looks much younger than his five year younger brother. His wife is about 10 years younger than him. I guess she was fooled.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I get told a lot I look younger than I am 

A year or so ago I went out to a rock club I used to frequent in my late teens and early twenties. I ran into some old friends who said I looked *exactly* the same as I did fifteen years ago - FYI I am thirtysomething now. I also frequently get ID'ed buying alcohol, going into pubs, and even buying kitchen knives (18 over here in UK.) I always have to carry my driving licence around with me.

FWIW I think with me a lot of it is perception. A lot of the time it is related to my children, for example, "you don't look old enough to have four kids!" Hubz has introduced me to friends who have said they can't believe how young I look - I don't know what exactly they THOUGHT I looked like??!! And I never get ID'ed when I have any of the kids with me - not that I take them to the pub or owt! And hubz always has said he likes that I don't look "mumsy" - whatever that is it messes with people's perception of my age apparently! People seem to have formulated an idea of how old they think I am and what I look like based on what they have been told about me and I never fit that perception.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

AbsolutelyFree said:


> In the United States, if you are over 35 and a healthy weight, people will think you look younger than you are.


Well that's definitely not true. Some overweight and obese people are youthened in appearance by excess fat that smooths out the appearance of wrinkles and creases.

It just depends on the person. I've seen people lose weight and look both much younger, and much older.



SomeDamagedGoods said:


> This is one of the things I've been wondering - if it's just me or everyone goes through this.


Nope, it doesn't happen to everyone. I know because at this point I've been in all categories.

When I was a teenager I looked much older than my age.

For a long time I looked my age. A random stranger guessed my age within a year, and my wife told me, during a conversation about age, that I looked my age.

Now, in my early 30's, with the beard off, and taking better care of my skin, I get mistaken for being younger than I am. My wife and sister often joke that I'm de-aging.

Genetics play a roll too. My mom, and most of my aunts and uncles from her side of the family, aged extremely well. I saw two of my uncles, and one of my aunts, recently and was floored that they look _younger_ than the last time I saw them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I had an old lady tell me a few mouths ago at a church dinner .....she seemed flabbergasted I had 6 kids with one in college, she thought I was in my late 20's.. well her eye sight must have been going ~ made me  anyway.

3rd son guessed I was later 30's... on my 46th Birthday, I told him he made my day! 

If I didn't dye my hair, I'd look awful ....and always...our attitudes (do we laugh & love ~ our personalities young & free before others)...and how we carry ourselves many times (our dress)...these things speak as well as looks...so I would feel. 

My husband is almost 50 and still has all his hair ...I love this...as I am not attracted to bald men -like at all. I think his dad never went bald either... so fingers are crossed.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Based off the pictures at least, you and your husband don't look that different from your wedding SA.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jaquen said:


> Based off the pictures at least, you and your husband don't look that different from your wedding SA.


And you are a sweet







Jaquen







.... gotta drink it all in now & enjoy...It all goes down hill from here...

Like Aerosmith's classic....

Every time when I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got the dues in life to pay


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I just moved back here in May of this year. A couple of months ago, I was at the grocery store when a guy passed me and then called my name. I answered and TOTALLY did not recognize him, but he recognized me!

He was a friend of my STBXH whom I had not seen in the 15 years since we had moved away with our then-infant daughter. I haven't seen him in the intervening years, but he recognized me; said I hadn't changed. [I'm now 55yo.]


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

In my case being a bit plump helps me look younger because it softens my face. I don't have any wrinkles except a "1" (not the 11, I'm lopsided!) between my eyes. I'll be 45 in April and usually I get that I look late 30s. But I was carded well into my 30s - I've always looked a bit younger than I really am.

And whoever mentioned coloring hair - yep, I'd be completely salt n pepper if I didn't color the grey. I'm sure if I didn't, I would look closer to my real age.

Also because I'm very white and tend to easily burn, I've never been much of a sun worshipper and I think that makes a difference.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

SomeDamagedGoods said:


> This conversation was going on in another thread, but the thread was deleted.
> 
> Anyway - the point was made that it seems that you frequently see statements like this "I'm XX, but people tell me I look a lot younger." when people describe themselves.
> 
> ...


I think that was my thread. I deleted it because I felt it ran it's course. I get embarrassed when my threads lose their luster so I get rid of them. 

Glad ya liked it 

(BTW- If you are talking about somebody else's thread please don't let me know.)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I actually do look ten years younger. But I watched the show for about a year, so I'm not surprised.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I actually do look ten years younger. But I watched the show for about a year, so I'm not surprised.


Ha!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

In this day and age it's not that hard to look younger if you work at it a bit and have semi decent genes. And barring that if you have a little money to spare even that can be dealt with. I do think of that show 10 years younger. With some minor fixes in their appearance they did appear younger.

I look younger now than I did 10 years ago only because I grew my hair out, dress better, lost weight, am more fit, etc. It's all an illusion really.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I personally think I look my age. I see the little wrinkles emerging between my eyebrows and nose. They are my concentration lines. And when I raise my eyebrows, there's evidence on my forehead a few seconds afterwards that I've just made that expression.

Others have guessed that I'm younger. My BIL thought I was 28. He'd forgotten I'm the same age as his brother - my husband. I've recently lightened my hair which friends commented makes me look a little younger. Recently my age was guessed at 32. I don't know what that means, if anything. My husband's take is I'm nearly 36 and there's nothing wrong with looking that age, because it's the age I am!

However I do have this weird thing going on mentally about approaching 40. My goal is to be in the best shape I've been in by the time I turn 40. I don't know why, it's just something I have been thinking. I have been considering how I'll feel at 40 and looking back to now and between now and then what do I want to make happen for myself. Life has it's own rhythm but I'll still project onto it.

I can't stand the botoxed plumped up tightened look. Each to their own but I don't like it. I don't think people look younger. I think they look like they're older trying to look younger.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I think I look right about my age, which is 40. I used to get told I looked younger all the time, but then I had children and the permanent exhaustion has taken its toll.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

SomeDamagedGoods said:


> Does everyone look younger than they are? I've known only a few people who actually looked older than they were (balding, beer gut, gray hair does this) but for the most part do we misjudge age that bad?


I'm close enough to measure my proximity to 50 in weeks... and even overweight, at 300 lbs and balding, most people guessed my age to be a lot younger, from 10 to 15 years, than I am. 

Now, that's with short hair that hides the gray, and no facial hair (also hides the gray). After I've lost another 30-50 lbs, I'm sure I could pass for between 30-35. 

But, that's not to say I'm an attractive person. I am not. I just was blessed with genes that allow me not to show my age. 

I have a friend who's more than 10 years my junior, who, when younger, was a stunner. One of those "double take" tall women who had the perfect everything - and I mean every last curve and proportion. But she now looks older than me. And she absolutely looks older than she is. 

Looks older than my wife, too, and she's 10 years younger than my wife.


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## SomeDamagedGoods (Nov 11, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I personally think I look my age. I see the little wrinkles emerging between my eyebrows and nose. They are my concentration lines. And when I raise my eyebrows, there's evidence on my forehead a few seconds afterwards that I've just made that expression.


Wrinkles age a person - but I think there are attractive wrinkles and not attractive wrinkles. 

Bags or discolorations under the eyes make someone look old. I can't think of anything else that has a more pronounced effect in this aspect.

An instant way for me to add 5-10 years is skip a day or two of shaving. 



heartsbeating said:


> However I do have this weird thing going on mentally about approaching 40. My goal is to be in the best shape I've been in by the time I turn 40. I don't know why, it's just something I have been thinking. I have been considering how I'll feel at 40 and looking back to now and between now and then what do I want to make happen for myself. Life has it's own rhythm but I'll still project onto it.


That's a healthy attitude. Hope the big 40 treats you well.

Never worried much about my age until MLC (which I readily admit I'm going through right now). For me it wasn't age that triggered these thoughts - it was the normal life events that everyone associates with getting old. Kids becoming independent, people you work with and relate to retiring, etc.. 

Honestly - it seems to me we associate our age with how old we look and not how old we actually are. This seems like a better attitude toward aging, but when the external clues seep in, the "you really are getting old" message is a tougher one to take. Perhaps tougher for those that don't "look old" than those that do.

About getting in shape - as mentioned prior - I'm pushing 50 years and am probably in the best shape of my life. All my medical stats are perfect or better than perfect and my body fat percentage is around 13% now. I consult with a trainer. No gray hair, no baldness, no wrinkles or bags, no "products" necessary to maintain this, I don't "feel" anywhere near my real age and I wonder when I finally will. I've always been in good shape and taken care of myself. Now at MLC stage, I stepped it up a notch - I feel like I am challenging an aging process that unfortunately I'll eventually lose. The good news is that intense exercise / good diet definitely holds off nearly all effects of age - many studies have shown this but nobody seems to know why.



heartsbeating said:


> I can't stand the botoxed plumped up tightened look. Each to their own but I don't like it. I don't think people look younger. I think they look like they're older trying to look younger.


When you see people with too much surgery it just looks bad. I don't think "looking old" and "unattractive" are the same at all. I just hope that I can manage to age gracefully and "wear it well." Reinventing yourself as an older person is a challenge I don't really want to do, but have to somehow.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Based off the pictures at least, you and your husband don't look that different from your wedding SA.


:iagree:, its true!
When I looked at their wedding pics and the current ones I just shake my head and smile!

I'm 42 and whenever I tell people my age they just laugh or stare in disbelief.
I think it comes down to genetics and lifestyle.
Eat healthy , exercise and proper rest definitely influences how you age. But most importantly is the stress factors in your life.
If there are no effective counterbalances, then you age faster, and run the risk of health complications.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I can't stand the botoxed plumped up tightened look. Each to their own but I don't like it. I don't think people look younger. I think they look like they're older trying to look younger.


Absolutely. The vast majority of plastic surgery, and botox, procedures just give the "I'm old but trying so hard to look young" look. A few slip through, but do must people really interpret work as looking youthful?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I tell my kids to never do tanning beds and too much laying in the sun on the beach..... it slowly turns your beautiful skin to leather, as the years roll past.


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## SomeDamagedGoods (Nov 11, 2012)

> A few slip through, but do must people really interpret work as looking youthful?


I was getting caught up on the Colbert Report with the DVR last night and he had Susan Lucci on as a guest. She looks a bit surgery-ed up here and there and perhaps fits the category of old-trying-to-look-young. So, out of curiosity, I pulled up her page on wikipedia (Susan Lucci - Wikipedia). 

Maybe this is common knowledge (I don't keep up with celebrity stats) but she's 65! I'd have guessed she was like 55 and trying to look 45! What do you call it when "surgery work is obvious but it seemed to have work out for them anyway."


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I personally think I look my age. I see the little wrinkles emerging between my eyebrows and nose. They are my concentration lines. And when I raise my eyebrows, there's evidence on my forehead a few seconds afterwards that I've just made that expression.
> 
> Others have guessed that I'm younger. My BIL thought I was 28. He'd forgotten I'm the same age as his brother - my husband. I've recently lightened my hair which friends commented makes me look a little younger. Recently my age was guessed at 32. I don't know what that means, if anything. My husband's take is I'm nearly 36 and there's nothing wrong with looking that age, because it's the age I am!
> 
> ...


I feel I look young for my age. Then I look at pictures of myself in my early twenties and think differently.

(I intend to burn those.)


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SomeDamagedGoods said:


> I was getting caught up on the Colbert Report with the DVR last night and he had Susan Lucci on as a guest. She looks a bit surgery-ed up here and there and perhaps fits the category of old-trying-to-look-young. So, out of curiosity, I pulled up her page on wikipedia (Susan Lucci - Wikipedia).
> 
> Maybe this is common knowledge (I don't keep up with celebrity stats) but she's 65! I'd have guessed she was like 55 and trying to look 45! What do you call it when "surgery work is obvious but it seemed to have work out for them anyway."


Susan Lucci has cosmetic procedures done, but swears she's never had any major reconstructive surgery done. 

Either way, she is FINE to me. I grew up watching her, my mom was a big AMC fan. She looks better now than she did 20 years ago. She also keeps her body right, and tight, with excercise. Do a google search and you can see her in a bikini relatively recently. It's not just her face.

Look at this woman on The View last year:

Watch The View: Susan Lucci Guest Co-Hosts the View online | Free | Hulu

She was 64 there.


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## cowboy1 (Nov 22, 2012)

I have boyish good looks. That's what I keep telling myself, over and over and over.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

How did you guys parents age? Do you feel like you're aging similarly to them?


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Age is definitely hard to judge. Typically, people guess my age at 10 years younger. Hubby they guess as 10 years older. 

The funniest thing was once when we were out and someone referred to him as my 'dad'. I thought it was really funny but him, not so much.


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## travellover (Aug 6, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Age is definitely hard to judge. Typically, people guess my age at 10 years younger. Hubby they guess as 10 years older.
> 
> The funniest thing was once when we were out and someone referred to him as my 'dad'. *I thought it was really funny but him, not so much*.


H is 7 years older than I am. He had some grey hair when we met, but his hair is thick, wavy, and salt/pepper. I've also been told I look about 10 years younger than my age. A few years ago I had the same thing happen to me that happened to TSCRedhead. We were at a bar and my H went to play some music. The bartender asked if I was enjoying a day out with my dad. I definitely was not going to say anything, but H saw the bartender talking to me and asked what it was about. So I told him. He was pissed! He smoked and tans regularly. I don't do either. Almost makes me wonder if the way he's acting now (about to turn 50 and hanging out with people in their 20's) has something to do with this :scratchhead: He's always been in very good shape and women definitely think he's attractive. It's almost like he's trying to prove something.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I always lowball it when faced with guessing an age...erring on the side of caution and all that....


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I'm always guessed 5-10 years younger than I am!


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Well i'm bad at judging age sometimes, when i was on the dating site a guy msg'd me, i looked at his profile pic for some reason he looked late 40's, so i told him jestingly he was a dirty old man, oh dear his true age 28


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm babyfaced, both a curse and a blessing. I look early 20s instead of late 20s, my STBX looks older than me.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My hair went pretty gray at 25 so people have usually thought I was much older.


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

When I was 27 and dating a 34 year old it would always irk me when she would get carded going into a bar but I wouldn't! I've always been told I looked older than my age. Now my oldest is 16 and people are offering him beer; this is cool now (for him) but in 15 years it will not seem so great.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

SomeDamagedGoods said:


> Does everyone look younger than they are?


No. From what I see, at least here in the Southeast, a lot of people let themselves go to absolute hell at > 30. I'm in good shape at 45, so I still get carded for beer and get told that I look 10 years younger.


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

People are shocked when they hear that my H is 10 years younger then he is. He does look like it, no grey hair, healthy looking. However, we are almost 10 years apart me being younger and we have young kids compared to most in his age group.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

People tend to always guess my age pretty much spot on, but will say that my husband looks 5 to 10 years younger than he is. It works out since he is older than me, so they think we're the same age. lol. He has a thick head of hair, not one grey on his head, is in shape, and dresses nicely.


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## cowboy1 (Nov 22, 2012)

I've always been bad at judging my age, and it's only getting worse.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Well when I was pregnant people I got dirty looks quite a bit, a couple of times of times older women came up to giving me snarky remarks like wouldn't it of been better if I spent my time in school getting a education rather than getting knocked up and got a lecture about how hard it's gonna be being a teen mum


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Everyone is different. So, take my mom and her younger sister. Her sister looks ten years older. A lot of it has to do with her not taking care of her body, and dressing in clothes about a decade past when they were stylish. She also home dies her hair a solid. My mom on the other hand does exercise every day, gets professionally colored (so it has grey and looks natural), and wears clothes that are current. She does not look 70.

I also remember my dad’s old partner’s third wife. I was floored at the time because she was 24, my age back then. Yet she looked 40... time, smoking, way too much sun had already taken a toll. I would never have thought she was my age.

And lol... My drinking buds give me hell. It doesn’t happen often anymore, but occasionally I’ll get carded when no one else at the table does. I’m 45.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

SomeDamagedGoods said:


> This conversation was going on in another thread, but the thread was deleted.
> 
> Anyway - the point was made that it seems that you frequently see statements like this "I'm XX, but people tell me I look a lot younger." when people describe themselves.
> 
> ...


I actually believe that people have a skewed perspective because of what they see on TV and in pop culture ads.

You get 50 year old actors playing 30 years olds... or 25 year olds playin 18 year olds.... 

Suddenly you are 50 and people are saying "gee, you only look 30!"

No, you look 50.  Maybe you look good, thats great - but I bet your friends look pretty good too, maybe.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I agree with earlier poster when they say that a bread ages a man. I grew mine for that very reason as a 16 year old in the navy who wanted to go drinking with his mates (it worked even at the over 21's clubs). 

As I am now nearer 50 than 20 I do not need the help and I have shaved my beard off from time to time as my wife does prefer the clean shaven look but as she is not the one who would have to step outside the door with a freshly shaved chin at 05:30 on a cold frosty morning I now wear one for 3 seasons saving my "baby face" for the summer.

When it comes to telling the age of youngsters I am at a total lost, I have seen school teachers I thought should be pupils and school kids that look to be in their mid twenties. I am so happy I am not the barman I would have to ask half the town for ID before I felt safe to serve them a beer / glass of wine.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I am not good at telling ages at all.

People say I look younger but I think they are just being nice.

I stayed out of the sun and all that but I can tell the texture of my skin is different, things starting to sag, more wrinkles around the eyes. 

I'm trying to talk myself into a facelift this year.


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## tuckin14 (Feb 22, 2013)

I kind of agree, why does everyone "think they look younger?"

I have a friend who is 52 who apparently got forged identity papers to show that he's 37. Of course he has a few other screws loose.

I'm 55 but not balding or graying, not very wrinkled. Occasionally I will get into conversations pertaining to my life, my future, etc. I just moved to another country for work, and I was having a conversation with a seatmate on a plane, indicating that I planned to work here another 10 years and then retire, and I appended the comment "I'm older than I look." I think that sounds a little less egoticistical than "I'm 55, but I look younger."


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