# Infidelity Poll - who cheats, wife, husband?



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There have been a few threads here asking who cheats more... husbands or wifes. 

So here is the poll to find out. Multiple response are allow. No one can see who chose which options.. that way people can feel free to be truthful.

I feel that I need to define cheating here. This includes:

emotional affairs (EA) and 
physcial affairs (PA). 
cyber cheating.. such as sexting for becoming attached emotionally to someone over the internet. 
Phone sex
with someone who is not the spouse.

Please answer the poll and then tell us some about your story.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Two month EA with an old high school flame who found me on facebook. I was happily married to a wonderful woman the day my affair began and fortunately still am. We are reconciling and better than we were before my EA. 

That's the extremely short version, the gory details are in my thread - see the link in my signature if anyone is interested.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Two month EA with an old high school flame who found me on facebook. I was happily married to a wonderful woman the day my affair began and fortunately still am. We are reconciling and better than we were before my EA.
> 
> That's the extremely short version, the gory details are in my thread - see the link in my signature if anyone is interested.


Some time ago I read a book about infidelity. It said that affairs are often pressure vales for marriages. And that once the affair is discovered the couple has the opportunity to learn more about each other and to go on to have a stronger marriage.

It’s an interesting thought. I have hear a lot of people say that their marriage is better after an affair then before. Maybe both stop taking each other for granted and start doing the work that is required for the marriage... for those marriages that recover.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Hubby got scammed by at least two online identities whom he paid for sex but never met. He advertised himself on several sex search type sites, paid for cybersex chats and cams, and physically went twice to locations to meet up with who he thought were 'models' he was emotionally involved with. He had a secret cell phone and at least two secret email accounts. He also hired a street prostitute for oral sex.

There's also more deets in the link in my sig.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Some time ago I read a book about infidelity. It said that affairs are often pressure vales for marriages. And that once the affair is discovered the couple has the opportunity to learn more about each other and to go on to have a stronger marriage.
> 
> It’s an interesting thought. I have hear a lot of people say that their marriage is better after an affair then before. Maybe both stop taking each other for granted and start doing the work that is required for the marriage... for those marriages that recover.


My wife's EA, was more of an exit affair, I think. Basically came down to her committing an act that reinforced how she felt internally (marriage was dead, she was miserable). According to her, it made the decision to separate much easier.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Some time ago I read a book about infidelity. It said that affairs are often pressure vales for marriages. And that once the affair is discovered the couple has the opportunity to learn more about each other and to go on to have a stronger marriage.
> 
> It’s an interesting thought. I have hear a lot of people say that their marriage is better after an affair then before. Maybe both stop taking each other for granted and start doing the work that is required for the marriage... for those marriages that recover.


I think infidelity is a make it or break it event in a marriage. It's said to newbies here a lot that, "the marriage you had is over." I believe that is the absolute truth once infidelity enters the arena. I believe it either drives you apart or brings you together. More often it seems to drive apart. My wife and I are one of the lucky ones I guess, came at a hell of a price though.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

H had an EA with a co worker. Supposedly she is a football fanatic and they had similar interests. I saw the red flag when he friended her on FB. I unfriended her from his profile and H had a meltdown told me that she is a friend and that I was no longer allowed to go down to see him at work. After all that they had their first "date" and then went out on one more a couple of weeks later.

After Dday H says he had a reality check although immediately after I confronted him he claimed he was betrayed by the person that told me about OW. 

Our relationship now? I feel more like a babysitter than anything and am honestly tired of it and have told H.
All I get is the "oh we will go out" for him a date has to be this grand affair that requires tons of planning when a simple movie and dinner would be enough for me. Will we make it? I don't know it's been almost 6 months since Dday and some things still feel as if they happened yesterday.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hmmmmmmm....


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/39086-cwi-census-time.html


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> hmmmmmmm....
> 
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/39086-cwi-census-time.html


Somehow I missed that thread.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

33 women to 25 men cheating in that poll


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

which is completely non-scientific and you cant even say it reflects the board


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> which is completely non-scientific and you cant even say it reflects the board


Very non-scientific but interesting anyway. 

So far 20 have taken the poll and 10 say that they have never cheated. hm


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## Broncos Fan (Mar 1, 2012)

I voted "other" above. I'm not sure if my wife really cheated or not. If she didn't then it seemed she was heading in that direction. I basically found out some strange conduct on her part with a coworker and when I confronted she lied. This lead to some problems in our marriage to say the least. What she had done doesn't rise to the level of EA but seemed like the prelude to that kind of thing, or maybe a PA. She allowed this coworker to work on getting her into bed over time, mostly because she liked the attention and affirmation from him. She had no emotion for him as a person and had no physical attraction (verified several ways by me and others). But, at the very least, it would have turned out bad had I not found out what was going on (I notice details that most men don't and saw this coming before it got bad). This is small comfort and I consider her to have been disloyal and we now have the issue as well of lack of trust in our marriage because of this.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I've been cheated, but never will cheat.
Why can I comfortably say this? Because I have no intentions in having any more long term relationships.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I said there's no infidelity and we're happily married. Now.

Hubs left due to my behavior towards him and my anger/issues that I took out on him.

therapy has done wonders for me. We are happily married and get along amazingly well.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

H cheated ( EA's) with 2 women. I have never cheated on anyone I've been involved with. ( can look, but not touch)

I don't think there are any indications that either gender is more likely to cheat. It depends on the person.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well the results are still pretty even between men and women.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> I'm betting that the ones that cheated were not in a sexless marriage too.


Very often the case.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> I'm betting that the ones that cheated were not in a sexless marriage too.


Well that doesn't apply in my case. My ex controlled all the shots on when, where and how often. The last two years it was so seldom that I hadn't even noticed that she had had a tattoo on her backside that she had for six months before I saw it.
I have enjoyed more physical contact in the last two years than I did for the previous ten. And this is with no promises of anything other than a good time to be had for both.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

hookares said:


> Well that doesn't apply in my case. My ex controlled all the shots on when, where and how often. The last two years it was so seldom that I hadn't even noticed that she had had a tattoo on her backside that she had for six months before I saw it.
> I have enjoyed more physical contact in the last two years than I did for the previous ten. And this is with no promises of anything other than a good time to be had for both.


I don't think anything makes any sense anymore regarding sex, how much/ how little. My W and I had sex at least three times a week right up until the week she dropped the bomb on me ;~) Seeing the OM, he does not look like he's up to that much action, but has a big wallet.....


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Wife had a four months EA with old hs bf she found on fb,even met up with him four times in public places,she lied to me over and over,actually had to hear about him through out our whole marriage(he was in prison for a long time) she kept telling me he was innocent,yeah right.was'nt easy maker her cut all contact,we are in 7th week of R and sometimes I wonder
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok I'll chime in now with a bit of my situations...

My ex cheated throughout our marriage. I'm no sure when it started. It might have been from day one. There were just things that did not add up. He was a medical student and then in residency. Near the end of our 14 year marriage more and more came out... 

My current husband cheated early on with women he met online... some of them were in person PA's. Some cyber & phone sex. I thought he had quit but every time I check online I catch him doing the online stuff again. Our divorce should be final this week.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

this is so sad


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