# I just really need advice.



## Kno567 (Jun 2, 2014)

Ok, so. Here's some history to start off. I grew up in a house where I basically raised myself, despite having no rules I stayed at home and played games and had good grades in school because I actually cared about my future. Then I had a baby at 17. One day while I was working, age 21, and in college, a guy came in and gave me his number. I moved straight into his house from my dads house. We had a blast, we married a year later, and we've moved all over the country and have been homeless three times and struggled. Now, we are finally getting on our feet and settled down and my husband creates a plenty of fish profile and says he wants to see other people. However, he says he isnt interested in divorcing because he loves my son and he doesnt want me to date either. When I complain about his dating he says when we first got together we decided to have an open relation ship, but that was three years ago! He's literally hanging out with another girl right now. It's the first time hes actually met one in person but hes been talking for like a week. I get upset and hes says that he married on the presumption that our relationship was open and this marriage will be over if I don't let him. I don't understand though. Why is this just coming up? I thought we were all good. Ive always trusted him but now my trust is wavering.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kno567 said:


> Ok, so. Here's some history to start off. I grew up in a house where I basically raised myself, despite having no rules I stayed at home and played games and had good grades in school because I actually cared about my future. Then I had a baby at 17. One day while I was working, age 21, and in college, a guy came in and gave me his number. I moved straight into his house from my dads house. We had a blast, we married a year later, and we've moved all over the country and have been homeless three times and struggled. Now, we are finally getting on our feet and settled down and my husband creates a plenty of fish profile and says he wants to see other people. However, he says he isnt interested in divorcing because he loves my son and he doesnt want me to date either. When I complain about his dating he says when we first got together we decided to have an open relation ship, but that was three years ago! He's literally hanging out with another girl right now. It's the first time hes actually met one in person but hes been talking for like a week. I get upset and hes says that he married on the presumption that our relationship was open and this marriage will be over if I don't let him. I don't understand though. Why is this just coming up? I thought we were all good. Ive always trusted him but now my trust is wavering.


He’s nuts if he thinks that you should put up with his nonsense. Your trust should be gone, not waviering. 

I have some questions to help understand your situation better.

How old are the two of you now?

You have been with him for 3 years, right?

Is your son his biological child?

Are you working?

Why did the two of you move so much over a 3 year period? Why were you homeless?

What state do you live in? (this is so that we can help you some with legal issues)

He does not get to call all the shots. Sounds like it’s time for you to leave him. Why would you put up with being treated like this?


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## Kno567 (Jun 2, 2014)

Hes 29, and Im 23

Yes

No, my son is mine alone

Not right now

He wont keep a job for more than a month. Hes says he cant keep it and quits, plus he spends so much money and doesnt plan for bills. He plans for what he wants. Hes bought guns, phones, cars, we eat out everyday, and then hes never used the money to pay bills. When I do work, I literally hand the money over to him.

Wyoming

I dont know. I wasnt taught how to do a lot of things and Ive never lived alone. I know I shouldnt do it but its just so easy to let him take care of things. If I try to take care of anything, I usually screw it up some way and everything just gets worse.


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## Kno567 (Jun 2, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> He’s nuts if he thinks that you should put up with his nonsense. Your trust should be gone, not waviering.
> 
> I have some questions to help understand your situation better.
> 
> ...


I forgot to quote you.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

KNO567

Right now your marriage, you, and your husband are a bust!

Your husband is a complete failure at work, a failure at financial responsibilities, and does not know what is important in terms of what to buy, and how to treat other people.

Your husband wants to screw other women and wants an open marriage and if you do not cave in he will divorce you.

KNO567
*You need to make a plan so that you can be much more self-sufficient and then take your son and start a life without your husband!* The way it is right now you are at a disadvantage because he cares much more about what he wants than what you want and he does not care as much as you do about keeping the marriage together.

You have low confidence and are willing to compromise so that you do not have to learn to do lot of things for yourself. You would rather take the easy way out and depend on him and that makes you dependant on him. Because you are dependant on him you are trapped and in a weak position.

It seems that you do not know a lot about how to succeed in life. Maybe you do but your action for the last 7 years reveals that you have made some serious mistakes. You had a child at 17 without an education or marriage. Then, before you finish college, you shack up with a man after he gives you his phone number, travel all over the country with him, and wind up homeless.

You need a serious change in your views and outlook on life. *Find someone that is successful for over 30 years and follow their advice and also get counseling from proven counselors.*


You are young and can make your life a lot better if you get the right information and YOU FOLLOW IT for years! Now you need to seriously concentrate only on you and your son and get your life in order. *Forget about your needs for a man for now; you are in no condition to make decisions about bringing a man into your life. Get stronger, wiser, and better then you can think about a man.*


You have an advantage in that you are so young and have many years to get a lot better. If you get the right information and do it you will improve your life a lot. If you do not, then you will 


*You need to get help in your community.* If you do not know the people who can help then just ask this forum and they will have a lot of good references for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is your relationship like with your parents?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need an exit plan.

Are you willing to do what is needed to get away from your husband?


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## Keenwa (Oct 26, 2013)

He controls the money, won't let you date others in a so called "open relationship", doesn't want you to leave. Sounds like a very abusive and manipulative control freak. If he has guns in the house i would also plan an exit strategy. Especially to ensure your son is safe. I am not a SW but I would talk with someone in the field, police, social worker etc.


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