# How do I fix a colossal f**k up when I drunk texted him hateful things I didn't mean?



## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.

At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol

We remained texting/talking friends up until about a month ago when he texted me out of the blue one morning and asked me if I would date him. I explained to him that he broke my heart when he said he just wanted to be friends, and yes I would date him in a New York minute. I suppose I should add that when we met in January, it was an instant connection. As cheesy as it might sound, I'm talking soulmate energy here.

so anyway, circumstances at work changed and I will not be working with him. The job originally entailed me being a relief cook… I would cook two weeks on one boat, two weeks on his boat, and then two weeks home. Within two days of me being on the first boat, the captain decided that I was too good to be a relief cook and he wanted to make me the permanent cook on that boat. This is the main issue that prompted him to finally asked me if I wanted to start dating him. There would be no question about us messing around when I was on his boat or whatever. Anyway, he confessed to me that he had thought about me every day since the day we matched on the dating site, and couldn't get me out of his head, and it was driving him nuts. So we're dating now.

here's the issue: on Friday night, I got the drunkest I have probably ever gotten in my entire life, and I'm 46 years old. We had been communicating earlier in the day and for lack of a better term, there was some miscommunication. We like to give each other a lot of sh*t, but in a friendly way. Joking around, teasing each other, etc. To make a long story short, I thought he had blocked me. So me being the ridiculous emotional mess that I am decided to drink heavily and I drunk texted him a bunch of hateful things that I did NOT mean. Reading back over the texts the next morning, which I do not remember even sending, I told him several times to leave me alone, I would find someone else, he could go F himself, stuff like that. Here's the really bad part… This isn't the first time this is happened. My first hitch on the boat was a bit longer than usual… Six weeks. When I got off the boat, I wanted to drink so I had a drink. Actually I had several of them, and I was also drunk texting him on one other occasion almost 2 weeks ago, but it was a bunch of mushy lovey-dovey stuff, then I got kinda *****y, but not to the level I was the other night. I apologized to him, and promised it wouldn't happen again and he took it in stride. I would also like to add that I absolutely do not have a drinking problem, lol

I feel absolutely sick about this, and I don't know what to do. I did text him Saturday morning to please call me when he woke up, but I have not heard anything. I really just want to apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. I don't know what else to do. What should I do?!?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


That's pretty bad, especially when you're only one month into the relationship and he likely hasn't had enough experience with you to know this is a one off. 

All you can do is explain what happened and how you will prevent it from happening again, and leave it in his court. Bugging him will just make you look crazier.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think you can just straight up tell him you over partied. If he’s a cool guy he will understand especially in the trade you work in my understanding is after work people sometimes go out and get blasted.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> That's pretty bad, especially when you're only one month into the relationship and he likely hasn't had enough experience with you to know this is a one off.
> 
> All you can do is explain what happened and how you will prevent it from happening again, and leave it in his court. Bugging him will just make you look crazier.


I know it's bad, and I feel heartsick about this. The thing is, we spend at least two hours every night FaceTiming, and we met once in January and once a couple weeks ago when I got off the boat, so he knows the REAL me. He knows I'm not normally like this. I just don't know if I should try to call him, or give him some cool down time or what. I'm really having to restrain myself from blowing up his phone with texts or phone calls trying to apologize. I don't want to upset him anymore than he probably already is.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Send him a card apologizing and thank him for all he has done for you. Then let him be. He probably thinks you're nuttier than squirrel excrement now.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Send him a card apologizing and thank him for all he has done for you. Then let him be. He probably thinks you're nuttier than squirrel excrement now.


hmm--so me drunk texting him twice, but being in his words "damn near perfect", the other 24 hours a day seven days a week for the last four months makes me a nut?! Lolol Is this really how people think? I'm trying to give him some space and give myself some grace. I'm sorry if I'm an imperfect, flawed human. I like the idea of sending a card though… I'm pretty sure I haven't mailed a greeting card to anyone since the late 90s. It might actually help!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

msemmaya said:


> I know it's bad, and I feel heartsick about this. The thing is, we spend at least two hours every night FaceTiming, and we met once in January and once a couple weeks ago when I got off the boat, so he knows the REAL me. He knows I'm not normally like this. I just don't know if I should try to call him, or give him some cool down time or what. I'm really having to restrain myself from blowing up his phone with texts or phone calls trying to apologize. I don't want to upset him anymore than he probably already is.


So you have only met him twice in person? Honestly, neither of you know the "real them". It's easy to hide flaws and seem perfect when you are having on online relationship.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think you can just straight up tell him you over partied. If he’s a cool guy he will understand especially in the trade you work in my understanding is after work people sometimes go out and get blasted.


you are correct. This was my first hitch and I rode over two weeks extra. When I say I needed a drink, I mean I NEEDED one. I'm not trying to use alcohol as an excuse to justify my ****ty behavior. I'm just not sure if I should try to contact him again, or wait it out


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

To be honest, he probably thinks you are bat chit crazy at this point...... I know I wouldn't care to talk to someone who sent me messages like that so early in a relationship.

At your age, I think it's time to stop getting wasted to that point. Nothing wrong with going out and having fun, but getting chit faced is not a good idea.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> So you have only met him twice in person? Honestly, neither of you know the "real them". It's easy to hide flaws and seem perfect when you are having on online relationship.


correct. We are both going to be home the first two weeks of May, and he actually wanted me to bring the kids up to his house to spend the weekend. I don't think that's on now. Like I said--sounds cheesy, but this is soulmate energy. We have only met twice in person, but we text and talk on the phone daily, and FaceTime every evening. It was pretty instant with this guy… The very first time I met him, I felt like I've known him forever


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## Lapm (10 mo ago)

Unfortunately he doesn’t really know you. Your relationship is still very new.  The best you can do is leave him a voicemail with an apology, and possibly follow up with a card. Then just sit and wait. While your waiting you may want to take some time to think about your drinking habits.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> To be honest, he probably thinks you are bat chit crazy at this point...... I know I wouldn't care to talk to someone who sent me messages like that so early in a relationship.
> 
> At your age, I think it's time to stop getting wasted to that point. Nothing wrong with going out and having fun, but getting chit faced is not a good idea.


i agree with you wholeheartedly! I've never been this drunk, and I never will be again. The last time I drank before these incidents was probably 2018 and it was some champagne at my sisters wedding. I'm not a drinker by any means, and I've told him this but he probably doesn't believe me at this point. Fml


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

msemmaya said:


> correct. We are both going to be home the first two weeks of May, and he actually wanted me to bring the kids up to his house to spend the weekend. I don't think that's on now. Like I said--sounds cheesy, but this is soulmate energy. We have only met twice in person, but we text and talk on the phone daily, and FaceTime every evening. It was pretty instant with this guy… The very first time I met him, I felt like I've known him forever


Uh, no. You do not take kids to spend a weekend with a guy you have been dating for two months and only met twice...


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Sorry, to me, that you did this at 46 years old would be enough for me to not look back.

If I were this man, my issue wouldn't be with you apologizing for what you did. I would be asking you how and why you could do this at 46 years old.

I'd understand if you were like 22 but not 46.

I'd worry that is who and what you are and I'd worry you thay you would do similar things again.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Uh, no. You do not take kids to spend a weekend with a guy you have been dating for two months and only met twice...





A18S37K14H18 said:


> Sorry, to me, that you did this at 46 years old would be enough for me to not look back.
> 
> If I were this man, my issue wouldn't be with you apologizing for what you did. I would be asking you how and why you could do this at 46 years old.
> 
> ...


That's an excellent point! But this job I got, that he helped me get, involves me living on a boat for nine months out of every year. He knows this isn't going to be a regular thing for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

msemmaya said:


> correct. We are both going to be home the first two weeks of May, and *he actually wanted me to bring the kids up to his house to spend the weekend.* I don't think that's on now. Like I said--sounds cheesy, but this is soulmate energy. We have only met twice in person, but we text and talk on the phone daily, and FaceTime every evening. It was pretty instant with this guy… The very first time I met him, *I felt like I've known him forever*


Whoa nelly! You do not bring your kids around a man you've met twice. You don't know each other at all, nightly facetiming and phone convos are not real life. 



msemmaya said:


> That's an excellent point! But this job I got, that he helped me get, involves me living on a boat for nine months out of every year. He knows this isn't going to be a regular thing for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Oh but it is, he's known you for 4 months and this has happened twice, so based on history, it is a regular thing.

I thought you two were young for this kind of thing to be happening, I was shocked to read that you're 46. If I got drunk texts from a bloke I'd only met twice, I'd have blocked him instantly.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

frusdil said:


> Whoa nelly! You do not bring your kids around a man you've met twice. You don't know each other at all, nightly facetiming and phone convos are not real life.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


How old are you, if I may ask?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


You first need to get your Stinky ass under control. That's all in you. Your stupid, destructive behavior 

Get a real plan of action to remedy your stupidity.
Secondly, humble yourself to this man you want. Show up with flowers, wearing a trenchcoat and nothing else. Submit yourself to his mercy while offering him everything you have to offer.

If you really want him, prove it by showing him.

Don't **** around.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wait up. You have kids at home and you're acting like this?

Do not involve your children.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

msemmaya said:


> How old are you, if I may ask?


I'm 51 and I'm pretty much totally in agreement with her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Step #1 - Stop drinking.

You’ll be surprised at how quickly subsequent steps come to you.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i bet a sincere apology will go a long way.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> i bet a sincere apology will go a long way.


Not until she drops the habit that will have her repeating it in a few weeks.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> i bet a sincere apology will go a long way.


I have tried to apologize by asking him to call me. I have not for heard from him in two days, and I don't want to blow up his phone. I've tried to apologize by asking him to call me. Have not for heard from him in two days, and I don't want to blow up his phone. The answers I've gotten on the thread have already referred to me as bat **** crazy, and crazier than squirrel poop… Which means nutty. I'm trying to fix this, not make it worse. Lol


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

GusPolinski said:


> Not until she drops the habit that will have her repeating it in a few weeks.


i won't be repeating it. I'm getting on the boat Tuesday morning, and there is zero alcohol allowed on boats.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Start by going to some AA meetings. You are definitely an alcoholic.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> Start by going to some AA meetings. You are definitely an alcoholic.


Why do you say that? 🧐


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


Sounds like you have a drinking problem and you ruined your life over it, despite your protests. Most people with drinking problems are not fall down drunks, but they make decisions to drink even when they know it has the potential to destroy them. Yep drinking problem. You need to quit and probably get some help or really do some serious thinking about all this.

Honestly you have gone off on him twice, you come across and a bad choice here. Maybe if you quit drinking for a few months you can reach back out to him, but I bet you see like a risk to him.

I feel like I writing this a lot on here lately.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

msemmaya said:


> Why do you say that?


If you need a drink that bad or if you get so drunk you can't control the things you text or say...you are an alcoholic. 

Not to mention you say you get blackout drunk and don't remember the things you say/do.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

msemmaya said:


> here's the issue: on Friday night, I got the drunkest I have probably ever gotten in my entire life, and I'm 46 years old. We had been communicating earlier in the day and for lack of a better term, there was some miscommunication. We like to give each other a lot of sh*t, but in a friendly way. Joking around, teasing each other, etc. To make a long story short, I thought he had blocked me. So me being the ridiculous emotional mess that I am decided to drink heavily and* I drunk texted him a bunch of hateful things that I did NOT mean*. Reading back over the texts the next morning, *which I do not remember even sending*, I told him several times to *leave me alone, I would find someone else, he could go F himself*, stuff like that. Here's the really bad part… *This isn't the first time this is happened.* My first hitch on the boat was a bit longer than usual… Six weeks. When I got off the boat, I wanted to drink so I had a drink. Actually I had several of them, and I was also drunk texting him on one other occasion almost 2 weeks ago, but it was a bunch of mushy lovey-dovey stuff, then I got kinda *****y, but not to the level I was the other night. I apologized to him, and promised it wouldn't happen again and he took it in stride. I would also like to add that I absolutely do not have a drinking problem, lol


When you get drunk, you are just amplified. The things you think but wouldn't ordinarily say, get said. The things you wouldn't do when you aren't disinhibited, you do.

And you have done this once before, and not learned from the experience? And repeated it, but worse?

And this:


msemmaya said:


> you are correct. This was my first hitch and I rode over two weeks extra. *When I say I needed a drink, I mean I NEEDED one.* I'm not trying to use alcohol as an excuse to justify my ****ty behavior. I'm just not sure if I should try to contact him again, or wait it out


Yeah, that's the very definition of a drinking problem.

After the first time, you promised him it wouldn't happen, and then it did. So, no matter what kind of connection he may have felt, it's only been a couple of meetings, and now you have proved that you are *****y and abusive when you are drunk and don't care enough about it to stop.


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## msemmaya (10 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> If you need a drink that bad or if you get so drunk you can't control the things you text or say...you are an alcoholic.
> 
> Not to mention you say you get blackout drunk and don't remember the things you say/do.


But this was one time in 46 years. I highly doubt this qualifies me as an alcoholic.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

msemmaya said:


> How old are you, if I may ask?


49


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

msemmaya said:


> But this was one time in 46 years. I highly doubt this qualifies me as an alcoholic.


I agree.
I got completely blotto at a 4 person bbq last year. Got there, and they guy was showing off some high end scotch, and we started pounding them down. Then i said "hey, i have a new bourbon in the car that i just bought, want to try it (widow Jane lucky 13). got that, and we started pounding those down too. Later on, most of both bottles were gone.

time to go home, i had a serious amount of fun getting into the car. Fell down once on the sidewalk. the wife drove! 

i think it is the covid stuff, when we finally get to go out and party again....we over do it! I mean REALLY over do it. 

So....you just had some fun, went for it, and there was no holding you back.
but yes, it HAS to be a one time event. For me, i would have kidney and liver issues if i tried to drink that much regularly! And you will too if you keep it up!

I did not try texting anyone in that state, but it would have been hilarious.

i still say, just apologize in a text, and that is the end of it. Either he will eventually accept the apology, or you will have lost a friend. Either way, the ball is out of your hands, and you can only wait and hope


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

msemmaya said:


> But this was one time in 46 years. I highly doubt this qualifies me as an alcoholic.


Well, you do/did drink to the point of becoming a problem.

It's like someone who gets drunk and causes a death by drunk driving. It only takes one time. Someone should NEVER get drunk enough and drive so that they become a danger to others. 
Your danger to others was just emotional, but you probably still hurt him at some level.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> Honestly you have gone off on him twice, you come across and a bad choice here. Maybe if you quit drinking for a few months you can reach back out to him, but I bet you see like a risk to him.


I was going to say something similar to this. Give it some time, in that time get yourself in a good place, then try reaching out to him, but be prepared that the relationship with him might be over.


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

I don't know if you are alcoholic or bat **** crazy and neither does anyone else here.
But the two incidents are probably going to scare him away...You haven't known each other very long and you both are on probation with each other. You messed up. Bad.
He's read your messages and heard your voicemails, right now he is either done with you or mulling over the idea of trying again. But don't hold your breath. Sorry.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

You know that you messed up big time. If you’re really into him, you’d let him go. These aren’t the actions that you would want someone you dig to experience; even if those actions are from you. You need to move on and really try to learn from it.

If you flipped the scenario, and he’d done this to you, I’d be suggesting to block him if you haven’t already and to move on. As that’s not the case, give him the respect that affords him to move on. If he’s wise, he will recognize that your first apology was meaningless given you did it again and even more so. If you’re wise, you’ll face it head on for yourself to not repeat again with another.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

To add, not everything is fixable.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Was it only once? I thought this was the second time you texted while drunk. You’ve apologized so be patient and don’t add to the drama. You’ll find out one way or the other.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I passed on chicks that acted like this when I was 19 years old. I didn't think 19 year olds that acted this way were relationship back then. 

By the time people are in their 40s, one would expect a level of maturity and decorum. 

If my 20 year old daughter acted this way and came to me for advice, I'd give her a quick swat upside the head and tell her to remove her topside out of her backside.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


I know what to do. Get yourself an AA and quit drinking because it changes your personality and makes you do things you regret. And then you don't remember it is a memory blackout and that's one of the surefire signs of being an alcoholic. 

This one may be a lost cause, but stop drinking now so that you don't mess up the next relationship.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Gc


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Who looks after your children if you live on the boat for 9 months of the year? 
Oh, and stop drinking. 
Asking him to call you isn't appologising.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

msemmaya said:


> you are correct. This was my first hitch and I rode over two weeks extra. When I say I needed a drink, I mean I NEEDED one. I'm not trying to use alcohol as an excuse to justify my ****ty behavior. I'm just not sure if I should try to contact him again, or wait it out


I work offshore and currently on my 6th week so I know what you mean. I’m not a drinker but I’ve been known to have more than my share as soon as I hit shore. It kind of comes with the territory. Working for Choest, Seacor, Crosby, Tidewater or any of those other guys is fine and dandy if you like that boat work I recommend you get your radio operator license and start applying for a job as a radio operator on an oil rig. You will make better money and have a set schedule of 28/28


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Why did you NEED the drink? And especially to that level? What was going on that caused you to get blind drunk as a coping mechanism? 
And why then did that turn into a tirade of messages whilst doing so? You said there was a miscommunication but I don't understand how that turned to this.

Has this happened before in your past? Did something trigger you?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

msemmaya said:


> That's an excellent point! But this job I got, that he helped me get, involves me living on a boat for nine months out of every year. He knows this isn't going to be a regular thing for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Where will the kids be for the 9 months you're on the boat?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

And how old are your kids?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

How about inviting him out for drinks to apologize 😜


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

msemmaya said:


> When I say I needed a drink, I mean I NEEDED one.


Well, is it possible you have an alcohol problem?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

msemmaya said:


> Like I said--sounds cheesy, but this is soulmate energy.


Be very suspicious of that "soulmate energy"


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If I was the guy you wouldn't fix it. I don't care what excuse you use I would never want your kind of drama in my life.

What you fix is yourself.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

msemmaya said:


> I know it's bad, and I feel heartsick about this. The thing is, we spend at least two hours every night FaceTiming, and we met once in January and once a couple weeks ago when I got off the boat, so he knows the REAL me. He knows I'm not normally like this. I just don't know if I should try to call him, or give him some cool down time or what. I'm really having to restrain myself from blowing up his phone with texts or phone calls trying to apologize. I don't want to upset him anymore than he probably already is.


I would argue that what you showed him IS the real you, albeit likely a small part of you.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## SFBay49ers (11 mo ago)

Honestly if I were him and you had crazy amount of sex and sucked me off for a month straight whenever we saw each other, all would be forgiven but that's just me lol.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

SFBay49ers said:


> Honestly if I were him and you had crazy amount of sex and sucked me off for a month straight whenever we saw each other, all would be forgiven but that's just me lol.


AND the crazy possessive personality would have to be long gone for that full month too.

that would reset your position on the Hot-Crazy graph...guys will def pursue a HOT woman if she is not TOO CRAZY


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Now that you work at the same employer, a job he referred you to, I'd just back away from all this. I agree with the others, that you don't know someone long enough after just a month or two, let alone clinging to this guy like he's the last man on earth. Just work on you, that's all you can do. That's all you can logically control.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

If a man I was dating just a few weeks/months text me abusive messages and voicemails while drunk, that would raise huge red flags for me. I would have nothing more to do with him. What exactly did you say/text him? It all depends what you said and if any chance of sorting this out.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

There is way too much happening for all this to be in one month. Why, if real, would one care so much for just a month relationship?


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


You blew it. Learn and move on. You did meant every word, drunk is no crutch.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


My ex wife did something similar when we were in a LDR-- except it wasnt mean, just....very strange. Me being young and having drank way too much way too many times, ignored it. She had been partying in her town, several hundred miles away from where I lived, and I went to bed early so didnt hear the phone. She left so many voicemails, that i didnt hear until the next day. I 'took it in stride'. 

I would not do that again now. I am glad I have my amazing kids but that was a huge red flag i just ignored.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

msemmaya said:


> hmm--so me drunk texting him twice, but being in his words "damn near perfect", the other 24 hours a day seven days a week for the last four months makes me a nut?! Lolol Is this really how people think? I'm trying to give him some space and give myself some grace. I'm sorry if I'm an imperfect, flawed human. I like the idea of sending a card though… I'm pretty sure I haven't mailed a greeting card to anyone since the late 90s. It might actually help!


Suggest you lay off the booze if you can't drink in moderation. Getting as drunk as you did, you make yourself an easy target for sexual assault.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

msemmaya said:


> But this was one time in 46 years. I highly doubt this qualifies me as an alcoholic.


You have not been with him for 46 yrs though. So wow many times since with him would be the better ratio he sees.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

msemmaya said:


> This is going to be probably kind of long, so please bear with me. I'm currently dating a man for about a month now. We matched on a dating site back in mid-December of last year, but shortly after matching, He helped me get an excellent job that I desperately needed with his company. We were about a week and a half, maybe two weeks, into the talking/texting/getting to know you phase. At any rate, he put his reputation on the line and recommended me for this job. I went on the interview and got the job. Almost immediately, he decided that we should just be friends because he wanted to avoid any conflict with work as far as fraternizing with coworkers and whatnot. I needed this job, and he didn't want to lose his.
> 
> At the beginning of January, I traveled to his house to meet him. Not gonna give any details here, but use your imagination. Lol
> 
> ...


Have you heard from him the last few days?


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