# OMG What is this?



## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Well I thought we had a great weekend away I thought our relationship was making progress, my gut said keep investigating and I did. I was able to look at my wife's phone and I was going to do something nice to her facebook and some guy chatted thinking I was her, but I was able to see that they had been chatting for sometime now. I am so enraged right now I can't even think straight. I read an email from them both one saying that she shouldnt leave her phone around and he should back off but Anyway's I dug deeper and found she had another email address and I read this: 

I'm not sure what else to say; I wish I had your number so I could call you. I don't know what happened, all I know is that I love being around you and it's killing me not being able to even talk to you. If my car wasn't in the shop all weekend I would have been up there in a heartbeat to check on you. You've been on my mind and it's like you disappeared off the face of the earth and it's really disheartening. 

I'm sad and missing you,



Should I just go and file paperwork and be done? Or is it worth saving? She flat out tells me that she hasn't done anything but Im reading the evidence right there.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Ow, feels just like someone slugged you in the gut, huh?

Only you can answer if it's worth saving. She is apparently lying outright to your face.

Could you ever trust her again? Ever - or would you always be waiting for the other shoe to drop?

And, most of all - do you love her enough to try and work it out. It takes two - do you think she loves you enough?

The answers to those questions should guide you to the right decision.

I'm really sorry this happened, how terrible to find out like this.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Yeah feels like I have been hit by a ton of bricks and it's not good. I've been faithful to my wife since we've been together and I feel that we can make things work but this is not the first time I've caught her emailing and doing things like this. She say's it's just a friend and she's been open abour our marraige but I think it doesnt matter. I dont want to push her away but again I feel if I don't do something I will be her doormat for the rest of our marriage.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

I also don't know how to tell her again that I found out about her emailing activities because but a part of me say's if I tell her our marriage is done, but a part of me say's if I don't then I'll have to listen to lies for the rest of our marriage.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Insist on a no contact letter and open access to all communication.


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

The evidence is there, she is cheating.
Let's take a closer look at the exchange.



> If my car wasn't in the shop all weekend I would have been up there in a heartbeat to check on you.


*Thats a ****ing lie. He is snowing your wife. His car isn't in the shop....he is doing **** with his wife or GF. *




> You've been on my mind and it's like you disappeared off the face of the earth and it's really disheartening.
> I'm sad and missing you.


*Obviously they have been together. The sad part is......he is just ****ing lying. He misses getting laid, not her. Have you ever met a single male talk this way to a woman?*

He is a POS, and your wife is a cheater. 
Whether you want to stay with her or not, initiate a divorce.
That is your best chance of knocking her off the fence.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

bluesky said:


> The evidence is there, she is cheating.
> Let's take a closer look at the exchange.
> 
> 
> ...



I say collect more evidence before you do anything rash. Not because I believe that there's an innocent explanation, but because you don't go to trial unless you have a case. Make the case. Secretly add a filter to her email account that forwards her email to your own dummy account. Investigate, gather evidence, do what you've been doing, and wait patiently for the smoking gun.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm glad you investigated, now I think you have a smoking gun, so take it a little further, and guitely find out about the OM.

You have the proof but if you confront and she takes it deeper underground, you may not get the info on OM that is very inportant.

So settle down you now know were your sit and were your wife is at. Talking to her now will give you nothing but lies.

See, with the additional info on the OM you can confront her and if she fights the NC you then can expose the affair to OM's family and hers. I'm talking parents and so forth.

But you have another option, once you find all the information you can about the OM ie. wife, kids, residence, parents...you can contact him with the evidence of the affair and the information you have on him proving that you are not BSing and explain to him that if he talk to your wife or for that fact any one about this conversation you will expose there affair to all.

Make it very clear that as long as you get not feed back about this discusion and he breaks it off with your wife the evidence will disapear.

If you have any suspicion that he is still contacting your wife or if your wife or any one else approaches you with regard to this conversation you will expose the affair with the evidence you have to every one.

You can also add in that no matter what your wife has told OM that you are very much in love with your W and you are working things out and will to what it take to protect the marriage.

If OM has parents or even a wife (witch is best) he'll back down real quick and your wife my not be the wiser.

This is risky and it will take alot of reseach to get the ammunition to black mail OM to keep his mouth shut to your wife.

It could back fire, but at least you will have blown this wide open with exposure there by making the affair more complicating to continue.

Any way I do believe you need to find out about OM before your W closes the door on your source.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

I am too. We have been able to talk a lot about things and she says the reason she doesn't get honest about talking to other men etc is because I blow it out of speculation. She admits that she gets along with men more and that she's just one of the guys. I made a point to the Guy that he best not be fing with my wife and apparently he hasn't contacted her since. I hate having to wonder. But she also told me that every Guy but me that she has ever been with has cheated on her and she thinks its down right wrong. But I don't know if her having Guy friends is right either. I guess I may be just a bit on the jealous side and it might be what pushes her away.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

We had our second round of counseling yesterday and I have to say I think things are going a bit better. We've been able to be open about things a bit more and she say's that I have pushed her away for so long and that this whole thing has been coming to a head for a long time now. I think we're becoming closer again like when we first started going out. We talked about our "escape" routes and how we need to close them off. But she also has told me that she does need friend time where she can hang out with the girls, of course we talked about boundaries and how a call throughout the night would be great. I told her that I would appreciate if she called and also felt more comfortable if she came home. The feelings though of her going to her friends makes me pretty anxious because I know the guy that she talked to lives out there. She say's they have not talked and she's not interested in going over. I told her that I dont want her to go be around this guy at least for now because it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. She said that she is just hanging out with her friend and they are going to have a few drinks and hang out. We also talked about me going out there sometime as well. Is this feeling normal? She did say that she would come home which is a good sign. She also said she would get in touch with me before she left so I can wait for her to get home. I think we both know how we feel and we're working toward a stronger relationship. My guess is these feelings would pass as time goes on


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I don't think they will.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

I think as time progresses and as our relationship becomes stronger again I think that those feelings will go away. Being able to communicate right now is a great plus and being able to agree on boundaries and reasonable requests is another huge jump. As we talked in therapy she is her own person as well as I and we also have molded into togetherness. I've gotten great results from manning up and being the guy that she wants to be, because all she's ever asked for is an equal.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Only you can decide if her behavior is disrespectful.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Well we've been able to really hash it out and she knows that I feel uncomfortable with her going out there right now especially with our son not feeling to great. I think my wife has a lot of growing to do. But she has said she would still like to hang out with her friends. I mean she is aware that I think it's silly to waste gas and drive an hour to her friends house for 4 or 5 hours then drive home. I don't like the idea of her spending the night there much either. But if I complain about it she's not going to care much and she's just going to do what she wants. But she knows I want her to call me when she gets there as well as when she heads home. I wish I could move her away, I think her friends will rub off on her and break her into bad habits. But it's going back to I need to trust her again as well. And if she say's that she's just going there to hang out and wont be seeing anyone else I think I will have to live with those feelings for now. I just don't understand why they can't just stop off at a local bar and have a few drinks then come home.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

>>Well we've been able to really hash it out and she knows that I feel uncomfortable with her going out there right now especially with our son not feeling to great<<

But she's still going to do it.

Her answer to you, "Live with it".


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Well I know I'll have to "Live with it" but there should be a balance of her time and my time. But I can't be selfish and controlling and tell her No your not going. We'll see if she follows through in what she say's. So far it's not 100% considering she told me that she was going to call me when she left work and that was almost an hour ago


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

From what you've been writing, it seems like you beseeching her to be considerate.

Not an effective strategy.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is going to stop off at a local bar , but if you think she driving far that will give her more time with OM!


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Well some good news, she called me and told me she made it ok and that she would be home after midnight. I think it's working out well. I knew where she was calling from because there was no cell reception. So we'll see what happens later. Well it's 12:30 1/2 hour beyond deadline time, no call no word. Not sure what to think now. Had to text her friends son to find out what is going on and he said she was leaving soon, we'll see


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Well my w came home, a little late but she said that she had too much to drink and decided to sit out for a bit before she left.


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

> But she has said she would still like to hang out with her friends.


That is usually a signal that they want to continue an affair.
She wants other men.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

I think there's no affair going on. I'm not being in a denial phase. I've never seen her nor seen any reason for it. I've dug deep too. 99% of the time I've blown something simple out of the water. I'm going to sit back and just see, I was told think of it as a game of chess. Be 4-5 moves ahead. I honestly don't think she would have wasted any time with me if she wanted an affair. She would have ended our marraige and I told her the same thing. If she had interest in another m then tell me and I'll be out of her life. She has stated numourous amounts of times that she is happy with me and that her having guy friends is just her personality. Like last week I asked her to go to lunch with me but she already had lunch plans with a coworker ( a guy) that we're both friends with. No big deal there. I believe that she really does love me and wouldn't do anything like that because she knows that I am alway's a step ahead and if I really wanted to find out I could. I don't think she's hiding anything.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

We've had a chance to talk over the weekend. She's told me that she has been unhappy for a very long time and that this whole nuclear meltdown has been boiling. She has told me that I have not manned up and that she felt I was selfish and what not. I was able to get her to get her feelings out in the open and the conversators with other men are strictly that, conversation. I have alway's closed myself off when ever she wanted to talk and what not. She said that she wants things to change and it's steps that we both need to work on. She also said that she would like to work on herself because she has been unhappy with who she is for a long time as well. It's actually really good to listen to her for a change because I agree with what she say's it has alway's been about me. I've been manning up, doing household chores, helping with the bills, etc. We also talked about having "Us" time bi weekly so that we don't loose our individuality. I believe that also attending our regular counseling sessions are beneficial. Lets see where we go from here


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

We've really had some in depth conversations about happiness and how things spiraled out of control over the past few years. We both agree that we've both done some things and need to make changes because it wasn't healthy for either of us. We have become more open on conversations and talk a lot more than we used to. We spend less time surfing the internet and more time with each other. Our therapist talked about finding "us" again and how we should think of it as our separate boats had drifted apart and need to be put back together. I appreciate the comments and so fourth. I know a lot of people think red flags and what not and I understand but a part of marriage is trust and if I can't trust my wife hanging with her girlfriends or having a few drinks with her friends then part of the problem lies with myself. She has always been this way as far as I've known her. We have both come from previous relationships where we have both been cheated on and we both agree it's not right. She has opened up to me about things more as well and she had told me that a lot of our problems are with me and not showing her enough attention in a balance form. She has told me that she has no interest in other guys for more than conversation. She has told me she trusts me and I need to have faith in her because the cheating issues and accusations are what will push her away. I can tell the way she acts when I bring it up, it's like a cop interrogating a suspect. She has shown me more love and affection and our communication has gotten a lot better. We're going to continue to make progress with the therapist and have even talked about moving, she has told me she doesn't like where we live and would like to move either out of state or somewhere else in state in the country. She has said that even know she has friends here we both agreed that a fresh start in a new place might be best. At least we have worked out a lot of our issues and striving for a better marriage. She even made a joke that she would have to get another wedding dress for when we renew our vows.


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