# It looks like i will have to leave



## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

I have kept a very low profile over the past weeks, observing him - he is quite distant but trying to hide it. That won't work because I can feel it.

All that has happened lately is that he made a big fuss showing me he'd taken her details off his phone.

I have been paranoid since I found that a year later (I think - could be more) her number was back on his phone.

On Monday of this week I was looking for something on Google Earth and lo and behold I found that he had been looking at a luxury hotel near to where she works during the week. He had absolutely no reason whatsoverto be looking in this place so it can only mean one thing.

I have "someone" checking this for me - any boookings etc.

I don't think I have the strength to deal with this any more or listen to any more lies. He doesn't love me - I just facilitate his life.

One weird thing - it was my birthday last week and he bought very expensive tickets for a concert in November, so it doesn't look as if he plans to leave. We'll see!

I can't stop shaking can't eat can't sleep. I have this horrible sensation in the middle of my chest that I can't describe. I think it's fear.

I think it's over purely because I would never trust him again and I won't live like that.

I have been around checking on you all most days but I didn't have much to say until now.

Bronwen


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hugs to you

so sorry 

do you already have a lawyer?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm so sorry.

It's time to contact an attorney, if you haven't done so yet, and start making legal and financial plans so that you can leave with as little further damage to yourself as possible.

BTW, of course he doesn't plan to leave you. As you said yourself, you facilitate his life. He doesn't want you_ or _her, he want's both you _and_ her.


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## Mario Kempes (Jun 12, 2010)

Hi Bromwen. Very sorry to read your update. 

For some reason, I was thinking of you a few days ago and your story about his dress sense and you letting off somewhere without passing comment on what he was wearing.

You deserve happiness and you don't deserve to be taken for granted or treated this way.


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Thanks you for the hugs, I need them. I do have a lawyer and it seems that his living standrd will drop dramatically when we divorce.

Bronwen


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I'm so sorry.
> 
> It's time to contact an attorney, if you haven't done so yet, and start making legal and financial plans so that you can leave with as little further damage to yourself as possible.
> 
> BTW, of course he doesn't plan to leave you. As you said yourself, you facilitate his life. He doesn't want you_ or _her, he want's both you _and_ her.


Thank you for repyling. I do have a lawyer- she's really good. someone I know said that when she stands up in court you want to clap!

I don't think he wants to leave. He has a very good life.

I was expecting something like this to happen so why am I so shocked?


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Mario Kempes said:


> Hi Bromwen. Very sorry to read your update.
> 
> For some reason, I was thinking of you a few days ago and your story about his dress sense and you letting off somewhere without passing comment on what he was wearing.
> 
> You deserve happiness and you don't deserve to be taken for granted or treated this way.


It's nice of you to think of me.

He is a bit of a pea**** but puts clothes together like a child.

I know I can't be married to someone I can't trust.

If this "person" who is ckecking for me doesn't find anything I will just have to go for it. Preten I know more than I do.

Bronwen


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Bronwen, after your friend checks things out-talk to him. You have every right and obligation at this point, to tell him that based on his past behavior you do not trust him. Bluff (if your friend comes up empty) and tell him you know what he's up to. Tell him what you want him to do to make you feel secure. Then if he isn't willing to do the heavy lifting, as they say on this board, you will know exactly where you stand. You must go into this with proper information from an attorney.
I know exactly how you feel about being a "facilitator" for someone else. We deserve better.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

bronwen said:


> I have kept a very low profile over the past weeks, observing him - he is quite distant but trying to hide it. That won't work because I can feel it.
> 
> All that has happened lately is that he made a big fuss showing me he'd taken her details off his phone.
> 
> ...


I am so sorry Bronwen.

I am sending hugs your way.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the one thing I dont think gets said enough around here-

You will be fine


right now sucks
but it will get better, your life will improve and you will see happiness again, one way or another


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> Bronwen, after your friend checks things out-talk to him. You have every right and obligation at this point, to tell him that based on his past behavior you do not trust him. Bluff (if your friend comes up empty) and tell him you know what he's up to. Tell him what you want him to do to make you feel secure. Then if he isn't willing to do the heavy lifting, as they say on this board, you will know exactly where you stand. You must go into this with proper information from an attorney.
> I know exactly how you feel about being a "facilitator" for someone else. We deserve better.


I will talk to him, but I don't think it will get me far. He has told me very little about his EA a year ago (same woman).

I will have to bluff if the "person" doesn't come up with anything but so what - it's all I've got so I'll go with it.

I have no idea how he will react. When I asked questions before he just waffled, told me very liitle about the hours of phone calls, said they were just chit-chat and harmless.

I don't hold out any hope of getting the truth, so I have to walk away. So sad it's will be our Silver Wedding next year.

I have no hope that he will do the heavy lifting.

Thank you for replying to me

Bronwen


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> the one thing I dont think gets said enough around here-
> 
> You will be fine
> 
> ...


Thank you for that. It helps a lot. At the moment I ha ve no hope at all.

I thought we were happy and do you know I still can't believe he has done this to me/us. It's as if I am living in dream world,

Bronwen


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I am so sorry Bronwen.
> 
> I am sending hugs your way.


Thank you Sara that's very thoughtful of you.

Strange thing - since I've been posting I have been able to cry. Over the last weeks I couldn't cry I just felt anxious and paranoid. Perhaps the more I cry the less frightened I'll be and the horrible har dlump in my chest will go away.

thank you

Bronwen


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## ltj7708 (Mar 7, 2012)

I am really sorry for what you are going through. It sucks. That feeling in the middle of the chest is the worst, like your heart is going to explode. It definitely does help me to let out emotionally through tears or burying my head in a pillow and yelling a the top of my lungs...

I wish only good things for you.


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

ltj7708 said:


> I am really sorry for what you are going through. It sucks. That feeling in the middle of the chest is the worst, like your heart is going to explode. It definitely does help me to let out emotionally through tears or burying my head in a pillow and yelling a the top of my lungs...
> 
> I wish only good things for you.


Thank for those words. I do feel as if my heart is going to explode. I want to get all my sobbing and crying out before I confront him otherwise he'll run rings around me.

When I look at him now - so normal, pleasant, kind, I wonder if I am imagining it all and losing my mind. You would never tell from his demeanor that anything was going on.

How can someone be so fake?

Bronwen


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## sydney2005 (Jul 8, 2012)

bronwen said:


> Thank for those words. I do feel as if my heart is going to explode. I want to get all my sobbing and crying out before I confront him otherwise he'll run rings around me.
> 
> When I look at him now - so normal, pleasant, kind, I wonder if I am imagining it all and losing my mind. You would never tell from his demeanor that anything was going on.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

sydney2005 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

a moment of silence


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> a moment of silence


I am still here.

Last night I payed a DVD just to distract myself because I can't concentrate enough to read or watch TV.

The DVD was Mere Haggard, I love him
I think he wrote "Thank you for keeping my house" just for me

Bronwen


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> a moment of silence


I found this quotation in one of my books:

"The truth will set you free, but first it will p*** you off"

How very true!

Bronwen


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I was just thinking of you the other day too!! I am sorry to read your update, but AR is right - you WILL be ok. It's impossible to believe right now, but you will.

Hugs to you.


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I was just thinking of you the other day too!! I am sorry to read your update, but AR is right - you WILL be ok. It's impossible to believe right now, but you will.
> 
> Hugs to you.


I remember you often too. You gave me so much courage.
I kept your post and I still read it.

He's home now so I'll talk to you tomorrow
Bronwen


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