# His recent non-existant sex drive



## I'vetried (May 24, 2011)

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and he has slowly but surely taken sex out of the equation. We have good communication or atleast that is what he says and I think we do. He used to be really in to me and now has a reason for why we can have sex most of the time. It keeps getting less frequent. I've asked him about it and he says he doesn't know but he didn't think there was/is a problem and he mentioned that this has been an issue in a previous relationship. I've tried all the tips and tricks to get him to notice me and want me but nothing is/has worked. Is this relationship doomed?


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

I have been in the same situation as you. My now husband had a very low sex drive during out dating period and I was extremely frustrated at this. As time went on, sex got less and less and shorter and very unsatisfying for both of us. I thought it would be easier to deal with a man with a low sex drive rather than one who was demanding for sex so I accepted the situation. Even very little satisfying sex on our honeymoon.

I think he had this sex problem with previous girlfriends too. I know he was using a dildo on a previous girlfriend and I can only think this is because he wasnt satisfying her either. Sorry if that is too much information or explicit.

I can only suggest through my experience that it doesnt get any better. It makes me wonder if they lose interest once they have "conquered" you.

In my case things got worse because I lost interest too because it was unsatisfying, then when I lost interest my husband cheated with other women, maybe because I lost interest or maybe because he only is interested in sex when it is with someone new and different. I dont know.

The fact that you say he had this problem with a previous relationship means the issue is with him, not you.

You have to ask yourself whether you can continue like this and things may improve or cut your losses now. I just dont see how it could improve unless he was willing to get some help from a specialist in this area ( if there are any). Good luck.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Not sure what his issue is but I do know what it's like being married to a nonsexual spouse and it's not fun. The lack of sex bothers you but he doesn't think there's a serious problem? If I might toss out a piece of advise: Be it sex or any other legitimate issue, if something seriously bugs you but your mate doesn't think it's a problem, I suggest you locate the exit door. If your pain or frustration means nothing to your mate, in my mind, that means you also mean nothing. If I knew my wife was suffering, I would do all I could to fix the problem and I wouldn't rest until her frustration went away or the problem was fixed. Why would she believe I valued her if I didn't care about her needs?


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## I'vetried (May 24, 2011)

Yeah, its confusing because if I tell him something bothers me he usually listens. But recently he listens but also complains about it, I do everything for him because I love him and want him to have a life free of stress and if he helps me out then he says to not expect it all the time from him. He recently said he's been "kissing my ass" because I've become negative but doesn't understand that the reason after reason for the lack of intimacy has caused me to be frustrated about this. It makes me feel bad to even talk about it with him. And it is embarrassing knowing you try to get attention and you get rejection. My sister thinks he's a commitment-phobic but I really hope not.


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## I'vetried (May 24, 2011)

I'm not sure if this will help me get more advice but I'm really wrenched about this and need insight. I initiate alot and now I always get turned down cuz he's tired or ate to much or still recovering from the last time (he says it takes awhile to recharge, and it can take days, which has now become weeks) and when I didn't get shot down I got it out of pity cuz he really didn't want to but didnt want me to feel bad, or atleast that's what he said about it. He is 28 and I'm 27 and he reasons that he shouldn't have much of a sex drive because of his age and actually got out one of his playboy mag's to show me a survey that showed that guys his age average 2-3 times a week, while he likes to believe this is our average it is sadly not even close to that.


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## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

Did I write this post in my sleep? I have had the same problem, only I've been with my H 6 and a half years and now he may or may not be having an affair. Regardless, the sex thing hasn't gotten better no matter what I tried.

I hate to say it, but if I were you I would get out now. A true partner wouldn't treat you the way he's been doing (complaining whenever he helps you out, although you bend over backwards for him). Cut your losses. I'm sorry if that's harsh! I just wish that maybe I'd paid more attention to this type of thing before things got to the point where they are now. (((HUGS)))


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

The sexual frequency trend in marriage is almost always downward. Kids lead to less sex. Growing older leads to less sex. Although the argument that a 28 year-old man has a low sex drive is laughable. If you are unsatisfied with your frequency now, there is virtually no chance that you will be satisfied in five, fifteen, or thirty years.

You should get out while the getting is good.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I agree with your sister. He sounds like a commitment-phobe. RUN!

Seriously, if he is suddenenly pulling back on sex and is not wanting to talk about issues, that is a red flag.

You said you "do everything for him". You should never do this. Good relationships are based on give and take and if you are always giving and he's not, your relationship is off-balance. This is not good.

You need to love and respect yourself enough to realize that you have needs and have a right to expect your partner to care about meeting some of them. He sounds like he doesn't care.

Life is too short and you aren't married, so toss him. Find someone who is better equipped to meet your needs. Also, don't listen to what he says, because talk is cheap. Look at his actions. They will tell you what you need to know.


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## joshuagarcia (May 25, 2011)

NO YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT DOOMED! Its actually quite simple. See because me and your bf is actually alike. I love my wife to death, i love to have sex with her but sex to me is something that you do wen you have time, im never really in the mood for sex because we always have kids running around or my wife is always on the phone with her mom or her aunt so it all usually kills my mood, its nothing that she in particular is doing but its just how i am, wen i first got with her we had sex all the time now she is always trying to initiate sex and she is always horny where im not that type of person, im horny late at night wen the kids are in bed and im not tired from a long day, I cook clean and do everything for my family and she seems to think that your suppose to have sex every second of the day where its really not that important to me, but what is important to me is to know my family is ok and get them taken care of and when ever theres time, then we can f*** like rabbits, cats, dogs, Rats/W.e u wanna call it...my point about this post is im never really in the mood neither and i try to explain to my wife, its not that i dont want to have sex, she just has bad timing and her timing is one thing that can kill a mood because if she knows that we cant do it but she wants to get started and we cant finish than ya, im not gonna b in the mood...SERIOUSLY THIS COMING FROM A GUY WHO ONLY DESIRES HIS WIFE AND NO ONE ELSE...HE MIGHT SERIOUSLY NOT BE IN THE MOOD FOR SOME REASON, ITS NOT THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, BUT HE LIKE LOOK AT SEX LIKE I DO AND SEE THAT ITS NOT REALLY ALL THAT IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP...as long as he can satisfy you when u r getting sum then thats all that matters...and vice versa! Hope this helped


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## joshuagarcia (May 25, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> I agree with your sister. He sounds like a commitment-phobe. RUN!
> 
> Seriously, if he is suddenenly pulling back on sex and is not wanting to talk about issues, that is a red flag.
> 
> ...


I dont think that was fair of you to say because u dont really know his reason for not wanting to have sex, just because youve met some A-Hole that was a jerk and made u think all of us were the same isnt right. not to sound like a **** but i think what you said was kinda immature, and teenagerish.


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