# Skeleton in my closet and I don't know if I should tell my wife



## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

I'm new here and I'm hoping to get some advice. There is something that has been eating at me and I don't know if I should tell my wife.

We have only been married for 3 years so our marriage is fairly new. We only have 1 son but plan to have more. My wife is a very sweet woman and I love her to death. I really don't want to hurt her anymore but I have been doing something that is very wrong. 

Around 6 months ago, I was at her mother's house helping to move some furniture. Her mother is a widow and she is fairly attractive. After I finished helping her with the work, she told me that she appreciated everything that I did. I didn't ask for any money but she felt that she owed me something. She flat out asked me could she suck my **** and I didn't answer her. It's not because I wanted her to, it was because she caught me off guard and I thought she was kidding.

She did suck me that day and I am ashamed to admit that I enjoyed it. I won't go into too many details but I will say that me and her mother developed a full blown sexual relationship. Whenever me and my wife would fight, I would just drive to her mother's house and sleep with her. What fascinated me is how experienced she is and how much she listened to my needs. I started to develop strong feelings for her mother so I decided to stop the relationship. She understood and although she agreed to stop, we did have sex a couple times after that.

I felt bad about what I did but I couldn't avoid seeing her mother. I stayed strong and we had not physical affair for the past few months. Now, I have been under a lot of stress with work since we have taken on a lot more accounts. Friday after work, I went over to her house to pick up the baby and I got too comfortable. We ended up having sex again.

Now I feel dirty. I feel that I must tell my wife what has been going on but I know it will destroy our marriage. A couple of times, I have thought about telling her but I just don't know how. One of my friends knows about the relationship and he said that my wife may appreciate that I chose to cheat with her mother and not some other woman. He doesn't think it would be that bad but I'm still too lost to know what to do. Also, I can't promise myself that I won't sleep with her anymore so I need to find a way to stop doing this. Please help with some sort of advice as it would be greatly appreciated.


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## Lifeisnotsogood2 (Sep 1, 2012)

DON'T TELL HER! IT WILL RUIN HER RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH HER MOTHER AND YOU. SHE MAY EVEN ATTEMPT SUICIDE. THAT IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. 

What would you do if your wife was having sex with your dad? I really don't think you should ever tell her.

And you should never do that again.

And your friend is an IDIOT.


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

That's what I was thinking. The issue is that I feel like I have betrayed her with this. I don't want to destroy things any further so maybe keeping it to myself is the best thing.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

rikky said:


> That's what I was thinking. The issue is that I feel like I have betrayed her with this. I don't want to destroy things any further so maybe keeping it to myself is the best thing.


Whatever lies you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.

You're betraying your wife by keeping this a secret from her, everyday whether you know it or not. 

Also nothing has been destroyed. You dipped into her mother's sugar box, got your fill, and by lying you'll get no consequences since your wife won't know. Don't fool yourself thinking enough has been done already, and don't you dare think you're being kind to her by hiding your shame. 

Just be clear. You don't want to tell her because you're afraid she'll leave you if she knew you disrespected her in such a fashion.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

rikky said:


> That's what I was thinking. *The issue is that I feel like I have betrayed her with this.* I don't want to destroy things any further so maybe keeping it to myself is the best thing.


You "feel like" you have betrayed her? Ummm...yes, you most definitely DID betray her. So did her mother. The thing is, she really has no REAL relationship with either you OR her mother. You can't promise that you will never have sex with her mother again? Really? You want a way to stop doing this? Come clean to your wife. 

I disagree with what Lifeisnotsogood2 said about NOT telling her. Your wife deserves to know what kind of man she is married to AND what her mother has done. You both betrayed this woman. You need to come clean to her about it and suffer the consequences.

Oh, but I do agree with Lifeisnotsogood2 that your friend is an idiot. Having sex with her mother or sister or cousin, etc would be worse IMO. It is a double betrayal. Just...ewwww.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If this is real, I think you need to either tell your wife or end the marriage. You've already demonstrated that you can't (or won't, to be more accurate) stop on your own. If you tell your wife, then if she decides she wants to work things out with you, you can maybe move away so you're not in contact with your MIL. If you can't end contact with your MIL, you'll keep cheating. 

Other option is to end your marriage. Stop hurting your wife, and it WILL come out and blow up at some point. The longer it goes on, the worse it will be.

C


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I agree that you have to tell your wife.

If your marriage is over due to it, so be it.

Keeping the facts from her is more cruel in the end. It treats her like some dumb b**tch who is clueless about being betrayed by the two most important people in her life.

At least let her know about the betrayel. She will be devastated but have truth to lean upon as she travels through her sad life.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tell your old lady what you did and except the consequences.

Or 

Tell your old lady what you did and except the consequences.


Your life will suck big time as you hold this in...its just a matter of time you guys get pissed off at each other and out of anger your going to tell you wife you banged her mom just to hurt her.

So tell your wife now, cuz you will tell her one way or another. Hell someone else will!

So if your MIL got pregnant by you and you have a kid with your wife whats that make the two kids?

Your wifes brother would also be her nephew? Your wifes brother would be your son inlaw who is also your son?

So with that thought in mind, you might be best served to leave this family alone and run as fast as you can.


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

With all that being said, is it possible to tell my wife this but also give her the option of giving me another chance? I admit that I am afraid to lose her and that's what has been holding me back. If there is a chance that she may stay with me, I may take the risk but the easier road is to just try to forget what has happened. Her mother also swore to me that she would never tell.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

rikky said:


> With all that being said, is it possible to tell my wife this but also give her the option of giving me another chance? I admit that I am afraid to lose her and that's what has been holding me back. If there is a chance that she may stay with me, I may take the risk but the easier road is to just try to forget what has happened. Her mother also swore to me that she would never tell.


I think it should be left up to your wife whether or not she chooses to forgive either of you for this. You're afraid of losing her? But you weren't afraid of losing her while you were banging her mom? Really? UFB.

Oh, and mom promised not to tell? Bet she promised not to ever hurt her kids too... look how that turned out.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Dude you're up a creek on this one. Risk it, worst that'll happen is she'll leave. Honestly who'd blame her.

I gotta say thought, although I can understand to an extent why you did it, this is a confusing one. Did you ever try and explain to her what was up? Like "Hey I'm really in a bad way right now and need to lean on you." Or did you not give your wife the chance to be the one on the receiving end of your "release"?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Come on put your big boy pants on and face this crap!

Besides the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, In that your wifes chacter might also be in question some time down the road when you see her distance her self from you and some young boy comes by the house to help out.....

Just saying, a second chance from your wife might not be the best thing for you in the future.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

As hard as it is, stepping away from this might serve you well.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

No matter what the consequences

"The truth will set you free".

the best thing, even given the anguish it will cause is to tell the 

t r u t h

(bet it won't be as tempting to f her mom once it is known)


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What also sucks is mom is better then the daughter (hence the statement that you want to go back for more) and thats just some cold hearted crap right there!


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

Yes it's true that it got to the point that I enjoyed sex more with her mother than I did with her. Everything my wife didn't want to do in the bedroom, her mother would do plus more. Once I got too deep in, it was too late. I do trust her to not tell but it's still eating me up inside. Also, it doesn't help that my wife thinks very highly of her mother.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

rikky,i don't think you could of done a more low down dirty thing...but you're going to have to face the music,i feel horrible for your wife,a affair is one thing..but now she has noone to turn to.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Is this story real?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

This story sounds unreal. Anyway I'll bite because it reminds me of another story of a man whos wife slept with his father for over 2 years. His father told him on his deathbed and he confronted his wife after his father died and she said it was rape, for 2 years, LOL. You can't claim rape but you are cheating no different than with her mother or her father or sister or someone outside the family.

The only reason you like it more with her mother is because its something new, something exciting, dopamine loves novelty. Stop touching or seeing her mother and confess or else this will turn into a more serious addiction, yes you are already addicted.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Do you have any empathy for your wife at all? How would you feel if you found out your wife had sex with your father or brother or best friend?

One day your wife may find out all on her own. Often people say they will never tell but they do. You are better to be the one to tell your wife.

Your wifes mother is a very toxic selfish woman, any one who could do that to their own daughter has serious problems. If she can betray her own daughter, she will most surely betray you.

You are also extremely selfish cruel and immature, you have poor impulse control and your marriage is probably not very good in other areas because of this. What are you going to do about this? I suggest you go to counselling by your self and marriage counselling. 

Also you say you cant not see your Mother in law. Why not?

Why won't you do what needs to be done to protect your marriage?


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

I do want to save my marriage and I wish this never happened. I really can't explain how it got to this point because everything happened so fast. At first, I was proud to be sleeping with her. I was fascinated with her and everything my wife wouldn't do, she would. for example, my wife wouldn't do anal but her mom did it happily. I guess it was when I got bored that I realized that this was wrong. Is it wrong for me not to tell my wife just for the fact that I am saving her from having a mental breakdown. I am now fully committed to my marriage and I have never had a reason to think that my wife has cheated on me before.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

You are not saving her from a mental breakdown.

She knows in her soul things are wrong with you and she knows in her soul her mom is not a real mom.

Her inner eye already feels it. Her inner sense of order.

Oh. great. mom does anal. isn't she sexy. doing anal with her daughter's husband's penis.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> One of my friends knows about the relationship and he said that my wife may appreciate that I chose to cheat with her mother and not some other woman.


You need a better friend. This one seems to be broken.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

rikky said:


> I do want to save my marriage and I wish this never happened. I really can't explain how it got to this point because everything happened so fast. At first, I was proud to be sleeping with her. I was fascinated with her and everything my wife wouldn't do, she would. for example, my wife wouldn't do anal but her mom did it happily. I guess it was when I got bored that I realized that this was wrong. Is it wrong for me not to tell my wife just for the fact that I am saving her from having a mental breakdown. I am now fully committed to my marriage and I have never had a reason to think that my wife has cheated on me before.


You claim you love your wife, but instead of telling her how you feel about sex and your sexual needs you slept with her mother.

Also having anal is so sexy and important to you that you would risk your marriage and your sons family, for anal sex???Really? 
Some women have it because they like it, many have it to seem sexy and because it's now a sexual norm pushed through porn. But would you like someone to have anal sex with you?

Most women don't like anal because it hurts, and sex is supposed to feel good. It can damage the anus and you can have a lot of problems from anal sex. 

Did your wife know this was a requirement when you married?

Have you put a lot of effort into your marriage? think of how great it could be if you spent all the time you spent with your MIL and thinking bout your MIL on flirting with your wife, an paying her attention and making her feel good.

What you did was so icky and awful, I'd be sick if I was your wife.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

rikky said:


> and I have never had a reason to think that my wife has cheated on me before.


Except that her mom is a freak and your wife has this misconception that she has to be this pure white wife that has to be a respectable married women. When deep down she has needs and is to ashamed to show you.

But on the other hand there is mom who has no misconception in what she wants and needs.

Sorry brother you married a wacked out family and need to move on so that Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and even Mothers day doesn't turn into some wierd @ss party with you being your own grandpa sitting at the head of the table!

Dude your marriage sucks and yet you still want......what sexless marriage...well not sexless but boring.

RUN FOREST RUN.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I just don't see it;
*boring sex life w/ wife
*wacked out MIL
*lack of boundries for your self


I mean go work on your self and then see if you can have a healthy marriage....this crap is not going away, the addiction is there...I know being a freak my self (with boundries)......

Hell you'd be better off running out of that house on day one and going to a parlor for a happy ending then banging your MIL.

But it is what it is and you will have learned nothing if you don't face this. Maybe years will go by and you may find the simple fact that not getting caught back when will lead you to going backing for more.

Again it all boils down to when the current marriage gets stressed and either sh!t will be said *or* walking out and sh!t will be done AGAIN!


Dude turn your self in!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> This story sounds unreal. Anyway I'll bite because it reminds me of another story of a man whos wife slept with his father for over 2 years. His father told him on his deathbed and he confronted his wife after his father died and she said it was rape, for 2 years, LOL. You can't claim rape but you are cheating no different than with her mother or her father or sister or someone outside the family.
> 
> The only reason you like it more with her mother is because its something new, something exciting, dopamine loves novelty. Stop touching or seeing her mother and confess or else this will turn into a more serious addiction, yes you are already addicted.


You don't believe rape could continue for two years? Clearly you haven't met any victims of sexual abuse by family members or family friends that has gone on for ten years or even more. That's nothing to 'lol' about in my opinion.


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## lynn42 (Aug 30, 2012)

rikki, honesty always wins! you are newly married, maybe you shouldnt let this destroy your marriage by not telling her by keeping secrets, what if it comes out in the future? then your wife will really not forgive. maybe telling your wife now will be hard for you but better as well. The mother may betray you someday then youve lost both! a good woman will understand and forgive though it would be hurtful and cause pain, telling would be best in my little opinion. Rikki, i hope you stay away from the mother and love your wife and only your wife, it just hurts you and others, not worth it!Good luck in your decissions and take care!


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

gross... just gross.. i thought this crap only happened on jerry springer and because it was staged. i find you disgusting. i hate you and i dont even know you. 

tell your poor wife. and give her EVERYTHING in the divorce. ewww.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Wow.... This is wrong on so many levels that it's hard to believe that it actually happened.

With that said, you need to tell your wife. She is being betrayed doubly. She needs to know what type of mother (toxic) that she has; she needs to know what type of man her husband truly is. 

If you didn't want to hurt her, you would have thought with your mind, instead of the Rikki below your belt. The pain you caused her can't be undone. However, with each passing day, the pain you are causing doubles.

You need to tell her and let her decide what she wants to do with the marriage. Either, she will attempt to R. then you and she need to go NC with your MIL. She might just want to leave (which is what I would advise HER to do.)

Keeping it a secret benefits no one. Seeing her mother benefits no one. Tell her so she knows the threat to her marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

*LittleDeer* said:


> But would you like someone to have anal sex with you?
> 
> .


Now your just making anal sex look bad.


The deal here is OP is banging his MIL and wants to cake eat. wants the M but keeps going back for more MIL. Hell set a side the MIL and OP adultory is still wrong and needs to be faced.

What little respect OP has left for his BW should be mustered up to give his BW the choice to work this out or bail.In addition it does his soul no good to keep this secret.


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

Do you guys honestly think my wife would be better of if she knew the truth? I'm sure she would probably have a breakdown and it will also strain the relationship between her and her mother. I do want to tell her but I don't want to destroy out family and confuse our son. I guess the first piece of this puzzle is for me to stop sleeping with her mother and that should give me enough strength to face these issues with my wife.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> Skeleton in my closet


Skeleton in your closet?

I have news for you, mate. That door is not to a closet. It is a door to the charnel house of your marriage. And it's full.
Charnel house - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I have no words... very rare that I am left speechless and yet here I find myself utterly speechless.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Don't tell her. You will be taking away the two most important people in her life at once.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

rikky said:


> Do you guys honestly think my wife would be better of if she knew the truth? I'm sure she would probably have a breakdown and it will also strain the relationship between her and her mother.


The relationship with her mother is already strained. Her mother is sleeping with you! There is no way around that. If her mother cared about her daughter, she wouldn't have came on to you. Your wife has a right to know and decide what to do. It is the only moral thing to do. As for your wife's health, you should have thought about that before.



> I do want to tell her but I don't want to destroy out family and confuse our son. I guess the first piece of this puzzle is for me to stop sleeping with her mother and that should give me enough strength to face these issues with my wife.


Thinking about destroying your family is something that you should have thought of before you turned to your mother in law. What will confuse your son will be if your MIL got pregnant. What will confuse your son is the tangled web you weaved for your family. Again, the only moral thing to do is tell your wife. Don't make excuses for not telling her. 

If you don't want to destroy your family, stop sleeping with your mother in law.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

If your wife slept with your father, brother or best friend, would you want to know?????? Would you want her to not tell you because she wanted to spare you the pain of knowing??? You continued to sleep with her and justified it because you were stressed at work and that she does anal?? What are you 17?? 

You posted here because your feeling guilty and already know what you should do. Stop thinking with your [email protected]%k and do right for your wife and tell her whats you did. There isn't an easy way to tell her and there never will be. Take accountability for your actions and deal with the consequences face to face.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The time to think about not hurting your wife was before you let your MIL give you a BJ. At this point, you're worried about protecting your own ass.

C


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

rikky said:


> Now I feel dirty. I feel that I must tell my wife what has been going on but I know it will destroy our marriage. A couple of times, I have thought about telling her but I just don't know how. *One of my friends knows about the relationship and he said that my wife may appreciate that I chose to cheat with her mother and not some other woman. *He doesn't think it would be that bad but I'm still too lost to know what to do. Also, I can't promise myself that I won't sleep with her anymore so I need to find a way to stop doing this. Please help with some sort of advice as it would be greatly appreciated.



Well, you told your friend. And your friend does not seem to be a bright one.

You have already opened the gate of exposure. Now 2 people know -- your friend and your mother-in-law. This type of secret does not stay hidden forever. At some point, it is going to spread. It probably is already spreading. You got to wonder who else knows now.

Better to tell your wife now. Better now than 10 years later, for example. Better now than when she hears it from some other friend or acquaintances. Better now when you both are young and can recover easier. Better now when it's easier to bear the consequences because you're young and have the time to pay the price.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

PBear said:


> If this is real, I think you need to either tell your wife or end the marriage. You've already demonstrated that you can't (or won't, to be more accurate) stop on your own. If you tell your wife, then if she decides she wants to work things out with you, you can maybe move away so you're not in contact with your MIL. If you can't end contact with your MIL, you'll keep cheating.
> 
> Other option is to end your marriage. Stop hurting your wife, and it WILL come out and blow up at some point. The longer it goes on, the worse it will be.
> 
> C


I agree with all of this. Except, there is no way in hell your W will want to work things out. Nobody would. Ever.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I think your marriage is over. You need freaky monkey sex & will continue to look for it. Your wife deserves to know how her Mother is so that when she chooses another man, she can warn him about her Mother.


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## jay80_98 (Jul 14, 2012)

Yes you must tell her and you have to arrange for her to discuss it with her mother and urge her mother to be open about it , also in advance get the counselors and support for this quit thinking of yourself she needs to know the truth she deserves it and yes you probably will lose her. But it's not fair or right to her. Poor thing. I will pray for her.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

if this is real it is so bad I dont know what to say!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

rikky said:


> *Do you guys honestly think my wife would be better of if she knew the truth? *I'm sure she would probably have a breakdown and it will also strain the relationship between her and her mother. I do want to tell her but I don't want to destroy out family and confuse our son. I guess the first piece of this puzzle is for me to stop sleeping with her mother and that should give me enough strength to face these issues with my wife.




I think she will be better off without you and your MIL.

Both stabbed her from behind with two knife, 

Any way she deserve truth. She has the right to whether she wanted to be with a cheater like you or your mother.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

rikky said:


> Do you guys honestly think my wife would be better of if she knew the truth? I'm sure she would probably have a breakdown and it will also strain the relationship between her and her mother. I do want to tell her but I don't want to destroy out family and confuse our son. I guess the first piece of this puzzle is for me to stop sleeping with her mother and that should give me enough strength to face these issues with my wife.


Assuming this is real and not just posted to enrage the people here...

Yes, your wife would be better off knowing what kind of man she is married to AND what kind of mother she has. You'r "sure it will... strain the relationship between her and her mother"? Really? It will "strain" it? I think destroy is more like it. Seriously, her mama should have thought of that before she decided to make a play for her daughter's husband.

As far as destroying your family and confusing your son... You are way past that now. You were banging her mom, ffs! You destroyed the family the first time you accepted the BJ from your MIL! You just kept putting nails in the coffin when you CHOSE to continue the affair with her mom. As for confusing your son. Well, how confused will he be if MIL gets pregnant by you? Then his uncle/aunt will be his brother/sister. Because, as you stated before, you just can't control yourself. Grow up, do the right thing, and tell your wife the truth. Let HER decide if she thinks it is worth keeping you and her mom in her life. 

Yuck! ...Seriously need a vomit emoticon in the box.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Not only all mentioned BUT what about your MIL being dangerous to your son?

Do you really want him to be molested by her? Really?

Horrors.

The MIL is dangerous.

Tell your wife and be a man and clue wife into the horrors in her life.

Yes, she will probably have a nervous breakdown but it is better than poison surrounding her against her knowledge.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Isn't this just a little bit similar to the other recent thread about a guy letting down his best friend - you know, where he went to his house had a shower and his best friend's wife just went and gave him a BJ on the couch?

He was also asking how to get out of the situation.

Not sure if the mods can access site logs (this looks like a PHP board so should be simple enough) and have a look at the IP addresses of the 2 posters?

I call trolling.

I should say: If it isn't, then I apologise and hope you can work this out. Despite the opprobrium being heaped on the OP, people make mistakes and surely those that ask for help should be helped, not insulted?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

rikky said:


> Do you guys honestly think my wife would be better of if she knew the truth? I'm sure she would probably have a breakdown and it will also strain the relationship between her and her mother. I do want to tell her but I don't want to destroy out family and confuse our son. I guess the first piece of this puzzle is for me to stop sleeping with her mother and that should give me enough strength to face these issues with my wife.


First, a disclaimer - I, too, think this might not be real.

In case it is real: Rikky and his MIL are a perfect match. The thinking is so twisted, dysfunctional, and delusional that they do the most mind-bending, horrific things to the wife/daughter, and then ponder the 'strain' she might experience in her relationship with her mother when she discovers she has been betrayed in the most repulsive way imaginable.

One only reads one side of it here, so it could be that the W is her own brand of mental case herself, esp. given that she was raised by Medea and is married to Oedipus. But whether the W should be told? Seems to me it doesn't matter. She'll be consigned to a living hell no matter what. Either she's miserable married to an awful man and clueless about her viper of a mother, or she's miserable with the truth of their true natures.

And, seriously, what kind of mother is this?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

One more thing -

You will be gratified to know, rik, that your sweet wife will be just as skilled in bed as her mama twenty years from now.


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## Greg40 (Aug 11, 2012)

Hard to believe that someone could have such low self control when propositioned by inappropriate persons? 

Sounds like trolling.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Didn't feel like commenting anything in this thread - but there is a very small chance of you being truly remorseful. 

Couple of doubts:


Did you protect yourself while doing back door entry?
Did you entered from front door with your wife after your back door entry with your MIL? (Means did you protect your innocent wife at least physically?)
Have you checked your self as Anal sex is not healthy - as every kid know?
If you have contracted something form your adventures, how would you ask your wife to undergo a test?
What about your your FIL? Does he exist? Does he know? Would you like to allow him to .....
Sorry for that. If you are truly remorseful, please tell your wife. She deserves it. My guess is that she ALREADY KNOWS IT(We men can be cheated easily for years, but women know it almost instantaneously) , and even if she doesn't , she will almost 100% forgive you. If she doesn't, you must respect her decision.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

akashNil said:


> Didn't feel like commenting anything in this thread - but there is a very small chance of you being truly remorseful.
> 
> Couple of doubts:
> 
> ...


I agree you must let her know the truth ASAP! 
When I first read this last night I thought to myself, keeping it on the hush would be ideal but somehow it will get out! 
It's better she hears it from you then her mother. The truth hurts and in this case she will be. 
I think this is the ultimate betrayal anyone can do. 
Be a man - man up!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

Thanks for all the input. Yes, I am truly remorseful and need to tell her about this. If I didn't care about her feelings, I wouldn't be seeking help. Also, I have been thinking, what if I do confess this but her mother denies everything? She already told me that she would never tell and I have no reason to believe she is lying. That scenario would put me in a worse place than I am now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

rikky said:


> Thanks for all the input. Yes, I am truly remorseful and need to tell her about this. If I didn't care about her feelings, I wouldn't be seeking help. Also, I have been thinking, what if I do confess this but her mother denies everything? She already told me that she would never tell and I have no reason to believe she is lying. That scenario would put me in a worse place than I am now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are truly suddenly developing a moral compass, something that's been lacking in your alternate universe, you can confess to your wife, since she did not sign up with you to be betrayed in this way. If you're worried that the MIL will gaslight her, have some irrefutable evidence gathered beforehand that will give the lie to whatever lies her mother is telling. (And I don't mean go sleep with MIL again to record the goings on...). And then hang on. Many (most ?) spouses would consider what you've done to be unforgivable. You may find it hard to live with yourself given the fallout, but at least you've taken this one honest step.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Dude your MIL can and will deny it because she doesn't want to face the exposure or consequences of this! 
It's going to be extremly hard for sure! Face your demons and set your wife free. 
Let her take it in- maybe just maybe someday she can forgive you. But the truth must be told.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If anyone thinks it's trolling, report the post and move on with your life... That's why there's an option for that. The moderators can take it from there.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Offer to take a polygraph.

Don't leave your child with the woman.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Doesn't matter what the mother in law will say. She will most likely deny, but here is your chance to be a better person. 

However, owning up to wrong choices is what it takes to be a man. So, man up. You do whatever your BS will need you to do. If she wants you to take a polygraph, you take it. If she wants you to leave, you leave. 

If she does leave, chalk it up to a learning lesson. The grass isn't greener on the other side. Hurting your wife is not worth freaky sex.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Your wife needs to know that "Grandma" is promiscuous, crosses boundaries & lacks a moral compass so she can decide if your son is to have a relationship with her.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

rikky said:


> Thanks for all the input. Yes, I am truly remorseful and need to tell her about this. If I didn't care about her feelings, I wouldn't be seeking help. Also, I have been thinking, what if I do confess this but her mother denies everything? She already told me that she would never tell and I have no reason to believe she is lying. That scenario would put me in a worse place than I am now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you care about her feelings, tell her the truth. Stop making excuses. She deserves the truth. Yea, her mom will probably lie. Nothing you can do about that. But what you CAN control is whether or not YOU lie to her. If you don't tell her, you are lying to her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

rikky said:


> Thanks for all the input. Yes, I am truly remorseful and need to tell her about this. If I didn't care about her feelings, I wouldn't be seeking help. Also, I have been thinking, what if I do confess this but her mother denies everything? She already told me that she would never tell and I have no reason to believe she is lying. That scenario would put me in a worse place than I am now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So your MIL denies, your wife hates you for making her mom out to be a sl0t. Then you move on and be a better man for it.

Or

Keep this secret and deal with your self and for what you have become.

I still think this is a jacked up family you married into and need to move on.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Come on now get real. And on and on....


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

rikky said:


> I'm new here and I'm hoping to get some advice. There is something that has been eating at me and I don't know if I should tell my wife.
> 
> We have only been married for 3 years so our marriage is fairly new. We only have 1 son but plan to have more. My wife is a very sweet woman and I love her to death. I really don't want to hurt her anymore but I have been doing something that is very wrong.
> 
> ...


You need to tell your wife. 

At least you feel guilty even though her own mother does not. 

Even if you two divorce you need to tell your wife about her mother's betrayal. Otherwise she may do this to her next husband, too. 

This girl needs to know who her mother is. The mother is toxic. 

And you need to stop seeing her.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

So Rikky, you really are a motherf*cker, aren't you?

Assuming this is for real -- you need to tell your wife. You need to accept the inevitable divorce. You need to keep your child the hell away from Grandma Predator. And you need to learn to keep your **** in your pants. 

And if this is true, MIL is a frigging sociopath. And the greatest blessing you could give your betrayed wife is to get her, and you, out of her life ASAP.

Sorry is as sorry does. As you "can't" quit f*cking the MIL, I'd say you aren't very sorry.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

I promised myself to dissociate my feelings from people's stories but you're making it very hard. Especially when you dare to think that you're good to your wife by screwing her own mother and not some stranger, that's just some weak a** reasoning.
I can't understand how you don't find it disgusting to have an intercourse with the woman that gave birth to your wife but that's your business, not mine.

You're sorry that you aren't in control of your urges, not sorry for betraying your wife. That's why you fly to your mother in law's house everytime you feel stressed.
You did continue the affair after "feeling dirty" and you even said that you'll probably do it again because you feel pressure from your job. What job can push you to do such messed up thing ? Either you're a death penalty executer or you really have some weakness issues you have to work on.

The only scenario that put you in a bad place is you having numerous sexual encounters with your mother in law. Not your wife finding out, and certainly not if her self-esteem would make it impossible for her to take you back.

Just tell your wife, whether your mother in law denies it or not, and accept the potential seperation. It isn't because it would prevent you from doing it again, I doubt it, but because you owe it to your wife to let her hate you, along with your actions.

A tip just for the sake of your wife, if she thinks you lie tell her about something on her mother's body that you could only see by screwing her.


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

I don't know why I'm coming across as such a cruel individual when in fact, i'm not. People cheat everyday and at least I'm man enough to try to get help before my wife finds out. I don't feel that it was sick or nasty sleeping with her. If it was incest, I would understand but it's not. People are quick to judge me but if you saw things from my perspective, you would understand. I was presented with a situation to have sex with a attractive woman that I had no doubt that she would keep it a secret. My emotions got the best of me and that's what I'm ashamed of. I will not lie and say that I did not enjoy the sex because that is not true. What woke me up was the fact that I was becoming too attached to her and I started to catch stronger feelings that a son in law should not have.

From the input I have received, I know that I must tell my wife about this. I already knew that was the case but I guess I just needed reassurance. I don't know when the time will be right and I'm sure her mother will deny everything. I keep asking myself how I would feel if my wife did this with my father and I think I would go crazy with that news. That's why I'm afraid to tell her. I will destroy her life, my childs, and cause a major division in our family. The easier route would be to not tell her but I don't think I can get this out of my head. I also don't see how telling her would make me feel any better so I may try to get counseling before I try to break the news. Someone mentioned that I could tell my wife about something on her mother's body for proof but I'm not sure that would work. I couldn't imagine my wife telling me sexual things about my father's body so I can't expect her to bear something like this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

You need to move out first. Tell your wife and divorce her.

You have dishonored yourself to the extreme. So you should devote your life to public service and send your wife any pay above the base subsistance of life. For the rest of your life.

This will not make up for it all but it is the right thing to do. Do this in complete celibacy. You will in doing so reclaim some small amount of your honor.


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

i will be the underdog here on TAM but do not tell your wife. I repeat do not tell your wife. It will mess her up for the rest of her life and her relationship with her mother is messed up. we all have skeletons in our closets, we have all done something wrong and this is fcked up. but for her sanity i would not tell her. you are the only person who knows your wife mental stability. how does she handle stress, will she commit suicide. will she throw her life away. my husband is fragile and i have messed up recently. not to the extent you have, but i cannot tell him. i want to desperately woman up and confess, my husband has told me about his suicidal thoughts recently and i cannot tell him maybe on his death bed i will confess.

rick only you know your home situation, only you know what your wife can handle,, the noble people here have given good advice to tell the truth, but can she handle the truth.

STOP SEEING YOUR MIL RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
DO A 180 AND SEEK CONFIDENTIAL THERAPY FOR YOURSELF


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

I don't know about you being cruel or not, but your actions are. I didn't think you're cruel, but I still think that you're astonishingly inconsiderate and self-centered. That would explain the weakness that led to the blow-job, and every sexual encounter after that.
You don't seem to weigh the actual impact of what you did. What would you think if your wife slept with your father, how would you feel if your wife slept with your own father ? Would you like the idea to compete sexually against your father to cross your mind ?
Not everything must be illegal to be disgusting, there's no law against eating s***.

I didn't say you should tell her about how her mother's vagina look like, but if she doesn't believe you and needs the truth, you should tell her about something like a mark on her mother's skin for example.

Please have the decency to understand that you already shattered your wife's heart by your actions. You can give someone a lethal disease and don't tell him about it, him dying without knowing about it doesn't change to the fact that you hurt him already. He's hurt, he doesn't know it and it feels worse.
You already explained that you don't deal great with stress and pressure, so the guilt will show on your face. If you do the 180 (turning your back to your wife) without giving her the reasons, it will poison her confidence. 
A great way to learn about your own guts is that the amount of people that know about your misdeeds doesn't change to the guilt you feel.

Should you choose to tell your wife, I'll suggest you lose the perspective part. I'm sure your wife had the occasion to have sexual intercourse each time she left the house. And I'm sure the hundreds of attractive horny dudes that live in your town wouldn't mind keeping it a secret.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

rikky said:


> I don't feel that it was sick or nasty sleeping with her. If it was incest, I would understand but it's not....My emotions got the best of me and that's what I'm ashamed of. I will not lie and say that I did not enjoy the sex because that is not true...


This is the problem. It IS sick and nasty. You are morally bankrupt if you don't get that. I think inside you must, at least a little, or you wouldn't be so upset with the anger that the idea of your wife sleeping with your father generates.

I think you should get some professional help.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Haha, missed this thread. You really need to change your writing style


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

rikky said:


> I don't know why I'm coming across as such a cruel individual when in fact, i'm not. People cheat everyday and at least I'm man enough to try to get help before my wife finds out. I don't feel that it was sick or nasty sleeping with her. If it was incest, I would understand but it's not. People are quick to judge me but if you saw things from my perspective, you would understand. I was presented with a situation to have sex with a attractive woman that I had no doubt that she would keep it a secret. My emotions got the best of me and that's what I'm ashamed of. I will not lie and say that I did not enjoy the sex because that is not true. What woke me up was the fact that I was becoming too attached to her and I started to catch stronger feelings that a son in law should not have.
> 
> From the input I have received, I know that I must tell my wife about this. I already knew that was the case but I guess I just needed reassurance. I don't know when the time will be right and I'm sure her mother will deny everything. I keep asking myself how I would feel if my wife did this with my father and I think I would go crazy with that news. That's why I'm afraid to tell her. I will destroy her life, my childs, and cause a major division in our family. The easier route would be to not tell her but I don't think I can get this out of my head. I also don't see how telling her would make me feel any better so I may try to get counseling before I try to break the news. Someone mentioned that I could tell my wife about something on her mother's body for proof but I'm not sure that would work. I couldn't imagine my wife telling me sexual things about my father's body so I can't expect her to bear something like this.


You have already destroyed her life, assuming this story is true. You have crossed a boundary that can never be repaired. The OW in your situation is your W's mother and, although not related to you by blood, is still crossing the family boundaries. You can never go NC with this particular OW as she is your W's mother and your children's grandmother. And you crossed that boundary not once, but several times according to your story.

Whether the MIL confirms or denies the story is immaterial. The facts are the facts. You have destroyed the family relationship on many levels, willingly. And yes, your W sadly deserves to know what has happened and she will need time to evaluate this knowledge of what her family members are capable of.

The right thing for you to do is to not only confess, but also be willing to man up, to leave the marital home to give your W space, and to leave her with the financial means to take care of herself and the children. The betrayal that your W will be feeling from you and her mother will be more than enough on her plate.

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for how you feel. Had it happened only once, then maybe I could have some pity for your story, however since you chose to go back several times and repeat your "mistake", I hardly think your remorse at this point in time is genuine. And I see no evidence that this betrayal won't happen again at some future date.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

rikky said:


> I don't know why I'm coming across as such a cruel individual when in fact, i'm not. People cheat everyday and at least I'm man enough to try to get help before my wife finds out.


I don't know you so I can't say that your a cruel individual. What speaks volumes is the lack of regret in your posts. Your actions are cruel to your wife. 

Yes, people cheat everyday. People with very low morals cheat repeatedly. People with very low self-esteem cheat with members of their spouses' family.



> I don't feel that it was sick or nasty sleeping with her. If it was incest, I would understand but it's not. People are quick to judge me but if you saw things from my perspective, you would understand. I was presented with a situation to have sex with a attractive woman that I had no doubt that she would keep it a secret. My emotions got the best of me and that's what I'm ashamed of. I will not lie and say that I did not enjoy the sex because that is not true. What woke me up was the fact that I was becoming too attached to her and I started to catch stronger feelings that a son in law should not have.


No, not every man will have sex with a beautiful woman because they can. Many people have self-control around other people. They don't do things just because they can.

Also, when you first started to sleep with her, you were already burning the bridge about feelings that a son in law should have.

I can tell you know, if my husband came across as you do in this post, there would have been no R. Remorse is not "I am sorry for what I have done"; it is proving that you are sorry for what you done. 

If I were you, I would go to IC. I would find out the reasons WHY I slept with my MIL, aside from the fact that she was beautiful, available, and able to keep it a secret.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

If this is real, you just put the Springer in Jerry. 

I agree with Writer. You show no remorse. You don't even understand what this will do to the Mother/Daughter bond that's supposed to be there - Because if you did, you would understand how sick and nasty the whole situation is. Betrayed by one person that is supposed to love you more than anything is horrific. I can't imagine being betrayed by the two people in life that are supposed to be the ones that love and protect more than anything else! This is absolutely cruel on the lowest level that I have read on these forums. And like Writer said, you need some serious counseling. 

She needs to know so she can decide if she can live with a "family" like this. Sad thing is, she can find another husband, but she'll never have another mom. You need to tell her, and I hope to he** that she has other family members or friends that she can lean on for love and support. Her entire life is about to shatter on so many different levels. 

Having said that, I hope this is not real.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Troll I mean seriously if this were really going on you'd be having a whole mess of issues. I mean it just seems too tidy to be real. I mean you fight and you drive over to her mothers. I mean wouldn't at some point your wife be calling over there and talking to her mom while your shagging her brains out. Not to mention that you never mentioned age. I mean unless your just into cougars or whatever. I just think that there is a suspiciously large amount of vague information. Now this could be real. However there is not much I could or would say other than you need to tell your wife. Then be prepared for the fall out. You know right from wrong and you know that if this is real you betrayed your wife with the one person you never ever would believe would hurt you. So yes you tell your wife. You break all contact with her mother because that is just wrong. Your wife is going to want nothing to do with either of you. But that doesn't matter you have to tell her because otherwise she will find out on her own. 
If she does find out on her own. Then you lost your one and only opportunity to have any hope of saving your marriage. 

Again that is if this is real.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

> I will not lie and say that I did not enjoy the sex because that is not true. What woke me up was the fact that I was becoming too attached to her and I started to catch stronger feelings that a son in law should not have.


It's okay, of course, to have a f*ckbuddy. Just not FEELINGS. 

<snort>

If you're for real, (and if you were for real, which I'm beginning to doubt you are, you'd be offended by the troll suggestion, which you don't appear to be)... 

... you're a guy who is totally okay with screwing around on his wife assuming the woman is attractive and available and can keep a secret. THAT is OKAY in your moral universe. (That makes you a do*chebag, btw). 

But hey, you're not "cruel" because you have "feelings" for the MIL. 

Yeah, you sound like a real swell guy.


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## nurselove (Sep 4, 2012)

Nothing good can come from this situation. I´m sorry to say you screwed up and bad...Also we musn´t forget the mother of the year...

This obviously is going to be a huge blow to your wife. But what good can come from you hiding it? Eventually the truth always comes out...so what´s better? Now...or later when 3 or 4 kids are involved. Men make the huge mistake of assuming that they can hide something like this...the truth will always come out eventually.

I say assume the consequences and lay yourself at your wife´s mercy. She´ll have to decide if she´s willing to forgive you or not.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

DUDE if you are for real-Wich i hope for.

But 
You really should change the subject line*.To i have A whole cemetery 
of skeletons in my closet...*

Lay of your excuses..TELL NOW..


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WEBELONG2GETHER said:


> i will be the underdog here on TAM but do not tell your wife. I repeat do not tell your wife. It will mess her up for the rest of her life and her relationship with her mother is messed up. we all have skeletons in our closets, we have all done something wrong and this is fcked up. but for her sanity i would not tell her. you are the only person who knows your wife mental stability. how does she handle stress, will she commit suicide. will she throw her life away. my husband is fragile and i have messed up recently. not to the extent you have, but i cannot tell him. i want to desperately woman up and confess, my husband has told me about his suicidal thoughts recently and i cannot tell him maybe on his death bed i will confess.
> 
> rick only you know your home situation, only you know what your wife can handle,, the noble people here have given good advice to tell the truth, but can she handle the truth.
> 
> ...


Yea, that makes sense... let the poor woman believe her mom is a gem and her husband is a fine upstanding guy... awesome!


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## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

This has to be the worst kind of betrayal i ever heard, both her h and her mother.
What kind of mother would do that?

Let me tell you, the truth will always come out in the end, so you might as well take a deep breath and confess, dropping her lousy mother in sh*t right up to her neck too!


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## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

p.s you need a new friend too!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

If you aren't a troll: You need serious professional help.

If you are a troll: You need serious professional help.


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## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> If you aren't a troll: You need serious professional help.
> 
> If you are a troll: You need serious professional help.


ditto, because it's almost too bad to believe!
I'm not sure who is worse, the OP, the mother or the friend!


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

I created this thread because I had every intention of telling my wife about this. I know what I did was wrong and I wanted to try to make things right. The responses I have received have reinforced my thinking that she will hate me for this and it will destroy her life forever. Heck, I think I've made enemies here and none of you really know me. I can only imagine how she would feel with this news.

With that being said, I will not be telling her about this. I can't be sure how she would react and it isn't fair for me to destroy the relationship she had with her mother before she met me. What I did was wrong but that doesn't change the fact that I did it. I will seek professional help for myself and I will not sleep with her mother again. I cannot do a full 180 but I have told her my boundaries and how she crossed the line. If my wife ever finds out, I will most likely deny it because I can't bear to hurt her like this. Call me a coward if you want but I think I have already hurt her enough. As far as I'm concerned, this thread is finished. I really do appreciate the insight and opinions and I will seek professional help to cope with my actions.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

He is baiting us guys. All his posts are written purposely to enrage the TAM crowd


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> He is baiting us guys. All his posts are written purposely to enrage the TAM crowd


Same old JB. You can see it as soon as he posts some outrageous story. First time poster, outrageous story, same writing style. Why does everyone keep falling for this?


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## Dewy (Aug 29, 2012)

rikky, is your MIL showing any signs of regret herself ? there is a good chance she will tell her daughter and she could have enough evidence to prove it like times and dates and what you like est.

the lies at that point will cause even more harm than telling your BW now.

Dont ever get your MIL mad at you she really does have you over a barrel

really though how is your MIL taking all this?


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## rikky (Sep 3, 2012)

Wow so now I'm baiting you guys? My story may seemed far outrageous to some but I did read some pretty messed up stories here before posting my own. As I mentioned before, I got the advice I was looking for so it no use of sticking around since you have some sort og agenda against me. You can play your games with someone else and accuse them of trolling if their problem doesn't fit your criteria of being true. I'm out so take care!


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Well, whether he is real or not, at least one thing positive thing is here. None of us are married to him.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

So Sad Lady said:


> Well, whether he is real or not, at least one thing positive thing is here. None of us are married to him.



you're sure?


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

aug said:


> you're sure?


Ok, well, I guess you never know! I'm sure I'm not. And I'm sure glad I'm not.


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