# Does love exist?



## learning who i am (Jul 18, 2011)

My story:
I married young (22). Had my son when I was 23 and was divorced by my 26th birthday. My divorce was horrible. He left me for another woman who was a close friend. I was crushed. Everything from my spirits to my world had come falling down in just a matter of days without any warning. That was almost 4 yrs ago and now here I am engaged again and looking to get married in the fall. There is one problem....One BIG problem....I don't love him. I feel like such a jerk for saying it but I cant make my heart feel something it doesnt, can I?? My son adores him and even calls him dad. My family likes him. He is VERY good to me in terms of being there when I need him, listening, helping out with my son, etc. So here is my dilema....Do I marry someone I dont love just because I cant stand to think of taking him away from my son and starting over again or do I suck it up and call everything off?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Call it off. You will be the biggest jerk in the universe if you let this guy marry someone who doesn't love him. After the inevitable divorce you will be a two time loser (figure of speech) and you will have made him a divorce man whose wife didn't really love him. Not very nice.

It is hard to admit you let things go to far. But it is plain cruel and mean to perpetuate a fraud of this nature.

Someday he will thank god for your honesty in letting him go. The pain now will be replaced with pure joy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Don't marry him. If you don't love him, then it's not fair to marry him - not fair to him, to you, or to your son. 

I do believe love exists. I do believe that people do fall in love and can remain in love for the rest of their lives, if they work at it. 

But if you don't love him, and you don't think you can or will love him, then marrying him just isn't a good idea. It will hurt everyone involved in the long run. 

It's hard to admit to someone that you don't love them, but it really is the best thing to do. It is far kinder to break his heart by telling him the truth before you've married him than for him to find out another way after the wedding.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Love does exist so don't settle and ruin your life and others because you haven't found it yet. Love has a way of finding you...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I think that your pessimism about true love is natural, given the hurt that you experienced. Obviously, you are not ready for what is happening with this man, and would probably really regret hurting him by proceeding down a path that will make him feel a similar pain. Just realize that true love isn't quite like the movies. Its better. At the worst moments, you feel so angry with the one you really love, but you would never trade it for anything. In the best moments, when the two of you are working on it ... now that's what you need to wait for. Its out there.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Don't get married. Be honest and up front. Tell him.


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## miss smiley (May 3, 2011)

Don't do it! I married using my head, thinking I wasn't "in love" but loved him. I thought the love would grow and we had the same goals, were compatible, etc. Now, here I am 14 yrs later and still waiting and wanting the love a married couple should have. It doesn't get better if it wasn't there to start with. Be true to yourself and save him alot of pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I believe a marriage should start with the feeling of being in love. 

But once you are married for a while you will find that the feeling of being in love will come and go. Love is something you will need to choose to do, not just feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would leave off the loveless marriage of practicality until marriage #3.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

Suppose you lived nine years with whom you do not love getting married and getting divorced after three years from who you divorced? There is no such reason if you were not married?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This thread is from July...


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## taylor L (Sep 13, 2011)

the problem with everyone telling you not to marry him, is that they're all telling you whats happened to them. if you expect love to just fall right into your lap you are sadly mistaken. like the woman who said she is there 14 years later and still has not experienced the love she thought a couple should have, open your eyes. if you expect something to just happen over time and because you have kids you will be lonely. love takes work. a hell of a lot of it too. it is one of the hardest things in lie to maintain, but if you want it bad enough you will. you work for love. you make it exist. and you keep it alive. it is like a flower. if you just expect it to live, it will not. yet if you take care of it, it will thrive.

The Product of Divorce: Forging A Better Future


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is my take on this. Me & my husband did NOT start out with FIREWORKS, hot passion and all that HIGH dopamine stuff that the majority of young couples seem to start out on.

We started out as friends, quickly grew to be BEST FRIENDS & just plain enjoyed being in each others company, it was a "comforting" feeling -there was a "peace" there. Like we kinda knew (although I questioned for a time & took a break to date another guy -but came back to him). 

We weren't the most exciting couple around by any means. We HAD that physical attraction thing going on for each other though too, which can't be under- estimated -- but a slow start. 

I desired a man who was kind , good with kids, wanted kids, shared the same goals, dreams and put me #1... he met those... but I also deeply *respected* him and enjoyed his company always. 

I think you need all of this --or you need to let him go, everyone deserves to be loved fully and our kids is NOT a replacement for a spouse giving their whole heart. 


Here is a copied post I did on another thread -what I will teach my children to look for in a partner ... for true compatability , finding all of this may not be easy but it is a good goal to have in mind... We all have our own personal dealbreakers we have to decide for ourselves.....




> Ultimately we are ALL selfish and simply want what we want, this is nothing new under the sun. Being aware of this fact of life & making da** sure we are compatible before we marry can avoid many many pitfalls after the vows....
> 
> What I will teach all of my children in how to choose a partner for life....this is my personal list so far...
> 
> ...


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Is there love? Yes. Can you have a fantastic marriage without it? Yes. Will it take more work that a marriage with passionate love? Yes. But remember that love is a funny thing. It goes in cycles in a marriage. You have passionate years, you have indifferent years, you have years where its a struggle to even be civil. Then the passion comes back and the cycle starts again.

All marriage takes effort and communication.

The real question that you need to ask yourself is whats wrong with this guy? Why don't you love him. What is he lacking that your previous husband had. (I'm assuming that you loved him at some point.) You need to ask yourself if its even a love problem. Perhaps you love him but are missing the passion, the flutter, the burning desire and sweating nerves when he glances at you. If thats whats missing, I have news for you. That seldom lasts out the first year. 

I passionately love my wife, but the giggly flutter didn't last the first year, let alone the 15+ we've been together. Just something about holding someones hair out of their face as they throw up that tells you; "Yep, marriage is just more of the real world"


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