# my husband confessed to cheating!:(.



## cam.beeb33 (Jul 2, 2013)

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hi

about a couple of years after we were married..(married 09)..things started to go downhill..i knew my hb.wasnt happy and just went to work as normal and pretended things were ok..but they weren't..he wasn't happy at all, and little did I know that he had been doing the dirty behind my back for about 4 months! with one of his work colleges..he said she listened to me.and I didn't...like..proper cheating and cheating intimately!..he said it only happened once..and even he didn't think he would ever do it to me..as you can imagine I was devastated and didn't know what to do with myself..he confessed to it all and kept saying he was sorry and that he loved me..he even contemplated suicide..and I didn't want him to do it..we went to counselling and to relate etc..we are still together and in October last year..(2012)..we had a baby girl...but iam still heart broken and never a day goes by when I don't think about it..he even says he still hates himself and went onto anti-depressants etc..he doesn't want to loose me
or our baby girl..i have lots of different emotions and feel like I just want to keep talking about it..but that's not a good idea otherwise we would never move on..I think about paying him back, or getting revenge or going to punch this work colleges lights out..(im not a violent person-far from it)..but that's how I feel..but that wud get me into trouble..sorry if this sounds abit spaced out..but wanted to say what was on my mind..do we still stay together for our daughter and make it work or is there anything else I cud do?..still hurting lots!(..

many thanks.. 


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Very tough spot. Sounds like you are still not healing very well.

Many of us have been through this too. There comes a point that you probably should decide what is in your best interest over the long run. Reconciliation or divorce? Limbo is a state of mind when you can't choose either. Limbo is often worse than D or R.

You don't have to decide on anyone's timetable, but it might help you heal if you commit to one path. Many of us come to a point that D is easier than R.

If you just found TAM, I would suggest you read lots of stories about people in your situation. There are countless ones to choose.

Make your decision when you are ready. Don't cheat for revenge. It will not help you or him.

Sorry you are here!


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

So sorry to have you in this group of people. However, you are about to get loads of comments from people who have been through it all... unfortunately for all of us here, but fortunately for you. 

One thing, if it was with a co-worker, one of them has to go! You can't stay in touch with your affair partner (AP) and have a genuiune reconciliation. 

You are the only onw who can determine whether or not to stay. Sounds like he has genuine remorse, but he needs to be an open book to you to rebuild trust. Trust, and your marriage as you knew it, is gone. It has to be re-built from the ground up. 

You will also hear: you have to be willing to lose your marraige in order to save it. Which means you have to be willing to divorce in order to bring things back to zero. 

Stay strong, you are in good company.


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## gardensparrow (Mar 19, 2012)

Well, first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's definitely not easy to work through an affair and deal with all the emotions that inevitably come after finding something out like this. But, it seems like you've already gotten some good advice. As doubletrouble mentioned, it's definitely important that your husband has boundaries with the opposite-sex and is open and honest with you about everything. That will certainly go a long way towards rebuilding trust in your marriage. Also, I know you mentioned you both went to counseling when this first happened, but perhaps you should consider going again? Even if it's just on your own, I think a counselor can help you work through all that you're feeling right now and figure out what steps to take next. Lastly, maybe it would be helpful to see if you can find a support group in your area? Somewhere to talk about this openly and hear from others in your shoes and how they got through times like this. I think an organization called Hope and Healing started by Gary and Mona Shriver might be able to connect you with something like this (hopeandhealing.us). So, just FYI if you want to check out their site. In the meantime, I'm praying for you, friend. Hang in there!


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I do not think that a revenge affair would help anything. It would make things worse. You would feel bad about that in addition to the way you feel about his affair. It sounds l like he is very sorry. He confessed, but if they are still working together something needs to change. Do you know if they still work together?


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## cam.beeb33 (Jul 2, 2013)

very many thanks for your replies..so sorry I took a while to come bk.to you ..no..he has another job now, so no contact from that other ****! (am I allowed to put that??)..I feel that I cant just up n leave just like that..our daughter needs a daddy n I still luv him..its soo hard..but not sure its how it used to be at the beginning...we talk about re-newing our vows-he says he would rather die than do it again!..so maybe he means it..he doesn't want to loose either me or our daughter..im so scared that if I leave him, he may do something as he still gets so depressed sometimes...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

cam.beeb33 said:


> very many thanks for your replies..so sorry I took a while to come bk.to you ..no..he has another job now, so no contact from that other ****! (am I allowed to put that??)..I feel that I cant just up n leave just like that..our daughter needs a daddy n I still luv him..its soo hard..but not sure its how it used to be at the beginning...we talk about re-newing our vows-he says he would rather die than do it again!..so maybe he means it..he doesn't want to loose either me or our daughter..im so scared that if I leave him, he may do something as he still gets so depressed sometimes...


OK, you are amongst friends here. 

Revenge affairs? Don't. I did that and it makes you feel worse.

Time will help, but I feel you could benefit from counselling, both individual and couples counselling.

Re-newing your vows? What a nice idea! :smthumbup:


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