# Wife cheating with multiple men



## Charger1972 (Feb 9, 2018)

I met my wife in 2009 through a mutual friend. She was in a relationship already and had 1 kid about a year old. She was 14 when she had this child. We became friends and were friends until 2013 when we began dating. She has a history of dating guys with problems. The father of her first child does not see the child and is not in his life. When we started dating, her whole family was very happy that we got together because I had been a family friend for years and they really liked me. We fell in love pretty fast, and within 2 months of dating, she became pregnant. I proposed to her and we were married June 27, 2015 and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. Our marriage/relationship, only together for about 4 years total, has had it's ups and downs but nothing major that I was aware of. I just discovered about 3 weeks ago that my wife has been living a double life. I noticed about 6-8 months ago she was spending alot of time on her phone snapchatting and I even noticed a guys name on her snapchat alot but dismissed it because the guy was a family friend who used to be related to her mother through marriage. My wife and I would spend most days not spending time together, I ran an online sales business and managed rental properties, and she had a job at a local fast food place. She would typically come home, lay on the couch and either sleep or spend time on her phone texting/snapchatting, and was seriously slacking in the house chores, she would barely even want to cook. On the 16th of last month, she came to bed and set her phone on the nightstand and I noticed that another guys name was on the top of her snapchat, so I questioned her and she says "He's like my big brother, you don't have to worry about him" but I just knew something was wrong. When she went to sleep, she put her phone under her pillow which she never does, so I waited until she fell asleep and took a look, and found out that she was spilling all her feelings that she was unhappy in our marriage, that she had hooked up with this guy and also had another man in my house when I was gone some night. She was using snapchat to have these conversations but had screenshot them. I confronted her about the messages, and she denied it and said she was just "venting" and that she says things she doesn't mean when she's venting but of course I didn't believe her. The next day I try to talk to her again about it but she still claims nothing happened. 4 days earlier she went to the bar with a "friend" from work and it turns out it wasn't a friend from work, it was the guy she was talking to and they had sex, and she even came home and slept next to me that night. I'm still in the shock phase and trying to deal with all of the emotions. I went into her phone again after I caught her, and found text messages between her and her new boyfriend (calling each other "baby") and still talking to the guy she hooked up with talking about staying at his place soon so I knew she was already moved on and that divorce is the path forward especially since she is a serial cheater, liar and a ***** in my opinion. I worked alot of hours last year and wasn't home much and she felt neglected and unloved. She tried claiming she can't open up about her feelings to me because I would get mad but she had no problem telling other guys about our marriage and of course they smelled blood in the water. My wife and I still live in the same building, but not the same apartment. We own an up and down duplex that her aunt lives downstairs and she's been staying with her. She comes up here and there to see the kids and has been wearing her new boyfriends hoodie which is just a kick in the nuts. I never expected this kind of betrayal from her especially. She had absolutely nothing to her name when we started dating and I had a successful career and future. I got her 1/2 way through college and she has now dropped out since I caught her. What do you guys think? I know it's hard to wrap your head around but I will try to answer any additional details.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

i think she's worthless.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Get out. There is no future here and nothing to save.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Do you believe what you see, or what she says?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Charger1972 said:


> I met my wife in 2009 through a mutual friend. She was in a relationship already and had 1 kid about a year old. She was 14 when she had this child. We became friends and were friends until 2013 when we began dating. She has a history of dating guys with problems. The father of her first child does not see the child and is not in his life. When we started dating, her whole family was very happy that we got together because I had been a family friend for years and they really liked me. We fell in love pretty fast, and within 2 months of dating, she became pregnant. I proposed to her and we were married June 27, 2015 and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. Our marriage/relationship, only together for about 4 years total, has had it's ups and downs but nothing major that I was aware of. I just discovered about 3 weeks ago that my wife has been living a double life. I noticed about 6-8 months ago she was spending alot of time on her phone snapchatting and I even noticed a guys name on her snapchat alot but dismissed it because the guy was a family friend who used to be related to her mother through marriage. My wife and I would spend most days not spending time together, I ran an online sales business and managed rental properties, and she had a job at a local fast food place. She would typically come home, lay on the couch and either sleep or spend time on her phone texting/snapchatting, and was seriously slacking in the house chores, she would barely even want to cook. On the 16th of last month, she came to bed and set her phone on the nightstand and I noticed that another guys name was on the top of her snapchat, so I questioned her and she says "He's like my big brother, you don't have to worry about him" but I just knew something was wrong. When she went to sleep, she put her phone under her pillow which she never does, so I waited until she fell asleep and took a look, and found out that she was spilling all her feelings that she was unhappy in our marriage, that she had hooked up with this guy and also had another man in my house when I was gone some night. She was using snapchat to have these conversations but had screenshot them. I confronted her about the messages, and she denied it and said she was just "venting" and that she says things she doesn't mean when she's venting but of course I didn't believe her. The next day I try to talk to her again about it but she still claims nothing happened. 4 days earlier she went to the bar with a "friend" from work and it turns out it wasn't a friend from work, it was the guy she was talking to and they had sex, and she even came home and slept next to me that night. I'm still in the shock phase and trying to deal with all of the emotions. I went into her phone again after I caught her, and found text messages between her and her new boyfriend (calling each other "baby") and still talking to the guy she hooked up with talking about staying at his place soon so I knew she was already moved on and that divorce is the path forward especially since she is a serial cheater, liar and a ***** in my opinion. I worked alot of hours last year and wasn't home much and she felt neglected and unloved. She tried claiming she can't open up about her feelings to me because I would get mad but she had no problem telling other guys about our marriage and of course they smelled blood in the water. My wife and I still live in the same building, but not the same apartment. We own an up and down duplex that her aunt lives downstairs and she's been staying with her. She comes up here and there to see the kids and has been wearing her new boyfriends hoodie which is just a kick in the nuts. I never expected this kind of betrayal from her especially. She had absolutely nothing to her name when we started dating and I had a successful career and future. I got her 1/2 way through college and she has now dropped out since I caught her. What do you guys think? I know it's hard to wrap your head around but I will try to answer any additional details.


So much here but I will try to answer as best as possible. 

- I feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for your kid but I think the person hurt most in this is the kid from before you met ... ugh, my heart goes out to the childhood that kid is having 

- You are on the right path with divorce, there's nothing to salvage here with her mindset and what she has already physically and emotionally done. Even if there was a hint of reconciliation it would have to come after the divorce process has started or YEARS down the road but try not to think too much about that right now. You are going to get a strong gut feeling that this is wrong, this is not you and you need to give it all you got. That gut feeling is going to be your conscience but it's going to be primarily fear of letting go.

- it's not hard to wrap a lot of the guys and gals heads around here because they have seen it and lived it. I am living it but further along in the process, being into the 1st month of our 6 month divorce process with court dates upcoming. I gave it 7 MONTHS of no hold barred trying my ass off to save the marriage but if 2 people don't want it and the head is already spoiled on the Wayward's side, it's long gone and no chance of saving this right now.

- Time to get your ducks in a row for yourself and your child and I mean this is a total necessity. Gather all the evidence you have, start making a log of everything and keep the log current everyday. Get to a lawyer immediately and start going over your options

- Listen, you are going to blame yourself a little bit because she is going to seem so believable in why she says she HAD to cheat or why it wasn't working with you. Truth of the matter is, she just isn't strong enough to take on what people should do when there's trouble and has no boundaries. It hurts like Hell man, I know it does and it doesn't seem logical, rational or any of that because it's not! You can?t beat emotion. Stop trying. | Dad Starting Over

We all could have been better in our lives but it's not your fault, the only thing you can do from here is to do what's right for yourself and your child and in all reality start your wife on a path of fixing herself by showing her the legal and physical door and let it hit her in the ass on the way out! People like this may never wake up but they surely want if they get babied the whole way there.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*She sounds squarely like "trash of the trash!"

I'd highly recommend that you lose her in a bird dog second!*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her and fight for custody of the kids. You married the town bicycle. 

She was banging men in your house...your bed? Do you know what kind of depravity that entails? She has no morals, no honor, no integrity. A cheap, tawdry plaything for bums.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Charger1972 said:


> What do you guys think? I know it's hard to wrap your head around but I will try to answer any additional details.


Unfortunately, you only dated her for two months before she became pregnant. You did not have time to learn who she really was. She now wears her boyfriend's "hoodie" to your apartment when she sees her kids. That's not the kind of lady you should attach yourself to.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *She sounds squarely like "trash of the trash!"
> *


I think you owe "trash" an apology.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

A leopard doesn't change it's spots, and you can't "fix" her. 
All the signs were there for you, and you chose to ignore them. It appears you are doing the right thing now and giving her the boot. DO NOT get suckered back in by this succubus.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You married a woman that had a baby at 14, then was in a relationship when you met her, let you immediately get in her pants, now act surprised that she's of low character?

You've got to divorce her, but you need some picker fixin'....


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Why would it be hard to wrap our heads around it?

People cheat all the time. Women, men, they go out and bang other people and dump on their spouses all the damned time. It is the easy to get our heads around it. She couldn't care less about you any more. That is easy to see, easy to understand. 

Now if you tried to convince us she actually still loved you and this was all some sort of bizarre mistake and you think she will snap out of it, that would be hard to wrap my head around.

Maybe it's hard for you to wrap your head around it, but the sooner you do the better you'll handle moving on.

Move on. Get rid of her. Dump her ass. The faster the better.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

She is not capable of being a wife to you. Cut your losses and move on.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Charger1972 said:


> divorce is the path forward especially since she is a serial cheater, liar and a ***** in my opinion.


I'd say you're right.

What have you done so far to get there?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

What more do you need? Her getting pregnant and swearing it is yours? Lawyer up dude. She is cancer.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Unless she's wealthy and willing to share it with you, I don't know why you'd want to raise somebody elses kid. Based on her track record, there's a good chance the kid you're taking credit for is not yours. Girls that start f---ing when they're 12-13, are pretty much man crazy. Chicks like her don't feel right unless they have a man slobbering all over them.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Divorce her and get on with your life. It's not as hard as you might think. You can get full custody of your biological child. The other can go with her. It doesn't sound like you own very much so it'll be a pretty simple divorce. You could go to a paralegal and save some money. Every day you're not divorcing her is a day you'll regret later.


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## Charger1972 (Feb 9, 2018)

Thank you all, you guys are absolutely right. I have only been with 2 women and unfortunately both cheated on me. I have learned that my wife is a follower, she tries to act like whoever she's hanging out with. I have been in her first childs life since he was 1 and he's 9 now. I am still going to raise him and my son because it isn't fair to him that his mother is trash and doesn't respect what a marriage is. She came from a rough childhood, her father was an alcoholic and was verbally and pysically abusive but there comes a point in time that you just have to move past it. She was wonderful for the first 2 years or so, we never fought and since we knew each other and were friends, it all felt right, you know the honeymoon phase. We're both young, she's 23 and I'm 25 and this is both of our first marriages. I'm not going to make any excuses for her because she chose to cheat. She's currently playing the victim role, claiming that I am the one cheating to all her friends and co-workers, she's gotta protect her name, you know? Her family is all on my side, especially her parents, so I have their support too. She thinks it's a blue skys and green grass on the other side. I have supported her the entire time we were together until May of 17 where she got a job and complained that I was making her help with bills, I know very childish. I am past wanting to make it work with her, she's a compulsive liar. I'm filing for divorce but of course I can't turn my feelings of the past off, all I think about is the memories we made together. I am beating myself up because I got complacent in the marriage and stopped dating her on dates and giving her that attention and I believe that caused her to emotionally detach from me. I just wish she would've went about this differently, she doesn't care what so ever that I am hurting.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Charger1972 said:


> I met my wife in 2009 through a mutual friend. She was in a relationship already and had 1 kid about a year old. She was 14 when she had this child. We became friends and were friends until 2013 when we began dating. She has a history of dating guys with problems. The father of her first child does not see the child and is not in his life. When we started dating, her whole family was very happy that we got together because I had been a family friend for years and they really liked me. We fell in love pretty fast, and within 2 months of dating, she became pregnant. I proposed to her and we were married June 27, 2015 and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. Our marriage/relationship, only together for about 4 years total, has had it's ups and downs but nothing major that I was aware of. I just discovered about 3 weeks ago that my wife has been living a double life. I noticed about 6-8 months ago she was spending alot of time on her phone snapchatting and I even noticed a guys name on her snapchat alot but dismissed it because the guy was a family friend who used to be related to her mother through marriage. My wife and I would spend most days not spending time together, I ran an online sales business and managed rental properties, and she had a job at a local fast food place. She would typically come home, lay on the couch and either sleep or spend time on her phone texting/snapchatting, and was seriously slacking in the house chores, she would barely even want to cook. On the 16th of last month, she came to bed and set her phone on the nightstand and I noticed that another guys name was on the top of her snapchat, so I questioned her and she says "He's like my big brother, you don't have to worry about him" but I just knew something was wrong. When she went to sleep, she put her phone under her pillow which she never does, so I waited until she fell asleep and took a look, and found out that she was spilling all her feelings that she was unhappy in our marriage, that she had hooked up with this guy and also had another man in my house when I was gone some night. She was using snapchat to have these conversations but had screenshot them. I confronted her about the messages, and she denied it and said she was just "venting" and that she says things she doesn't mean when she's venting but of course I didn't believe her. The next day I try to talk to her again about it but she still claims nothing happened. 4 days earlier she went to the bar with a "friend" from work and it turns out it wasn't a friend from work, it was the guy she was talking to and they had sex, and she even came home and slept next to me that night. I'm still in the shock phase and trying to deal with all of the emotions. I went into her phone again after I caught her, and found text messages between her and her new boyfriend (calling each other "baby") and still talking to the guy she hooked up with talking about staying at his place soon so I knew she was already moved on and that divorce is the path forward especially since she is a serial cheater, liar and a ***** in my opinion. I worked alot of hours last year and wasn't home much and she felt neglected and unloved. She tried claiming she can't open up about her feelings to me because I would get mad but she had no problem telling other guys about our marriage and of course they smelled blood in the water. My wife and I still live in the same building, but not the same apartment. We own an up and down duplex that her aunt lives downstairs and she's been staying with her. She comes up here and there to see the kids and has been wearing her new boyfriends hoodie which is just a kick in the nuts. I never expected this kind of betrayal from her especially. She had absolutely nothing to her name when we started dating and I had a successful career and future. I got her 1/2 way through college and she has now dropped out since I caught her. What do you guys think? I know it's hard to wrap your head around but I will try to answer any additional details.


File for divorce ASAP.

No additional details needed.

(Also, DNA your kid(s).)


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Charger1972 said:


> . I am beating myself up because I got complacent in the marriage and stopped dating her on dates and giving her that attention and I believe that caused her to emotionally detach from me. I just wish she would've went about this differently, she doesn't care what so ever that I am hurting.


Quit beating yourself up. The only thing you did wrong was marry a scuzzy woman. Immoral people like her can trick you. They are good at playacting, but they can only hold the act for so long before they get to a point where they feel they don't need to anymore, then their true faces come out. 

She was NEVER the person you thought she was. It was all an act. 

Ditch her, grab the kid and skedaddle.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Charger1972 said:


> I'm filing for divorce but of course I can't turn my feelings of the past off, all I think about is the memories we made together. I am beating myself up because I got complacent in the marriage and stopped dating her on dates and giving her that attention and I believe that caused her to emotionally detach from me. I just wish she would've went about this differently, she doesn't care what so ever that I am hurting.


If course she doesn't care if you're hurting. When women loose interest, they don't care if you're hurting. The only thing that gets under their skin is if you're not hurting and confirm that by replacing them with a newer, more loaded out and especially a younger model in case of the older chicks. 40-50 years from now you'll realize men and woman handle breakups much differently. Women cry; a little on their own and a little to their girlfriends, family et cerera. Maybe have a bottle of wine and than replace you with another bo. For all intents and purposes, you're just a bad memory. 
Men, on the other had mope around for many many months and maybe years, crying in their beer, depressed, consider offing themselves, and stalking her on facebook, other social media or worse, physically stalking, often thinking risking jail time is worth the price if they can only "win her back". Years later some men are still dreaming about seeing her admit she's sorry for ever leaving them and poring herself all over them. Some would be more than willing to ditch the current woman who really loves them for another shot at the gal who walked.
Charger my man, realize this or suffer the consequences of chasing an illusive dream. It ain't the girl you love and think she hung the moon that makes you happy. Its the girl that loves you and thinks you hung the moon..


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

So because you were working hard to support the family it's your fault? No, it's not. If she was unhappy she had a responsibility to negotiate her happiness with you. She didn't wish to do that and she cheated instead. That is 100% her fault. Could you have given her more attention? Yes, but learn from that. Just don't fall for her blame-shifting. That is straight out of the wayward playbook. They all do that. Nothing new here.

She's a renter, not an owner. 

Yes, process your grief. It's real, authentic, and noble. If you didn't feel emptiness, grief, and pain you too would be a renter. But you are an owner. Sorry you're here, but know this shall pass. Give yourself time to recover. Fight for full custody of your child and at least split custody of hers. It's his only chance at a good life. 

A couple of years from now when you have recovered--that's how long this will take--be very selective when you date again. You must set higher criteria for the women you date.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Protect the children as much as possible legally. Be as brutally ruthless as the law will allow.

If you are ever having second thoughts about taking her back or just believing any of her bull****, just come my way, slip me a fifty and I will kick your junk up to your chin.

Will save you a lot of time, money and pain.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You say you're not going to make excuses for her, and then you launch into making excuses for her.

Get over her. Stop making excuses for her. Just stop.

The affair is all on her.

Get tough. But not too mean. I got too mean, so don't listen to me too much.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Welcome to the 21 century, where evolution had taken the balls out of the males of the human species,and testosterone levels had skyrocket in the females of the species. Where males cry like babies, and wonder what they did wrong. Where females tells the males in their face that they cheated and that's OK because it is the male fault, and the males lack of balls can't make him stand for himself and actually, doesn't know how.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sir, to be succinct, hire the best shark lawyer money can buy. Safeguard as many assets and as much cash as you can. Get far far away from this and do not look back. Save yourself. This is the lowest form of creature on this planet. You can take your success make it portable and take it on the road to a better life. This, nobody deserves.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Charger, I'm sorry you are here and I know this hurts like nothing else. Listen to your advisors. Get a lawyer before this shrew
of yours figures out how to take you to the cleaners.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Charger1972 said:


> What do you guys think? I know it's hard to wrap your head around but I will try to answer any additional details.


Don't need details. You're F***ed. You need to get out of this ASAP. Too bad you had a kid with her. Is there no-fault divorce where you are? Try to get custody or at least shared custody if you can.


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## arsukherajee (Apr 9, 2017)

If you sure she cheat with you, and you love to her truly then leave her on her happiness and go far silently from her life. My best wishes with you 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using Tapatalk


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Charger1972 said:


> I am beating myself up because I got complacent in the marriage and stopped dating her on dates and giving her that attention and I believe that caused her to emotionally detach from me. *I am hurting.*


My boy, time to man up and stop with the woe is me, it's my fault she cheated.

She's a grown woman with responsibilities, she made her vows, has a kid from a previous relationship.

Now let's look at the consequences of her actions because.. as you put it, you stopped giving her attention and dating her. Her second kid will likely have a second broken home to come to and fro from.
Both her kids will now possibly be having a second man (for your kid) and a third man (for the other kid) coming into their lives, and if this new relationship doesn't work out, four, five, six...you get the picture.

Instead of cheating she should have come to you and talked. Period. No excuses for cheating, zero.

So if you're done feeling sorry for yourself, go take care of those kids, get that divorce and custody and get as far away from that woman as you can.

Let her wear whatever she wants, actually taking the effort to do that is a bit obvious meaning she wants to have that power over you. In time the OM will just be another boyfriend, you will have moved on and ultimately she will still be a cheat.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She is still 14.

And always will be. Sadly.


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## adegirl2016 (Dec 14, 2016)

How old is your wife now? I imagine since she had a child extremely young, maybe she is trying to make up for a time in teenage/early 20s that she feels she missed. Either way, you sound much more mature and further along in your career/life, why drag her along if she is going to treat you this way? You can’t save this girl. Let her go.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DNA her most recent offspring.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Charger1972 said:


> She was in a relationship already and had 1 kid about a year old.
> 
> She was 14 when she had this child.
> 
> ...



Read each of these sentences individually again and then answer this question - 

- What would your grandmother say if you told her you were thinking of being with a gal that was already in a relationship and would be cheating on her BF to hook up with you?

And what would your grandmother think of someone that that got knocked up at 14 by a dirtbag that has nothing to do with her or the child? 

What would your grandmother say when you tell her she had a history of family problems and a history of hooking up with a lot of shady characters? 

What would your grandmother say about her working the counter at McDonalds then coming home plopping on the couch and chatting with other men the rest of the day and not taking care of the kids or doing anything around the house?

What would your grandmother say about some gal proclaiming her love for you in two months and letting you knock her up? 

Would your grandmother think this was a great gal for you and would she be excited to have this be the mother of her great grandchildren??????

You say HER family was supportive of the relationship and why wouldn't they be? - she was dating someone with a job that was gullible enough to take her off their hands and support her instead of them. 

.........But what was *YOUR* family's reaction to this arrangement?????? How many of their warnings did you ignore because you were getting some tail??



One of the things that's happened over the last couple decades is it has become politically incorrect to judge and the fear of being labeled as "judgemental" has caused people overlook and accept irresponsible and disordered behavior. 

We may roll our eyes and even point our own fingers at grandmothers for being judgemental and critical of people's behaviors, but we still need to keep in mind that grandmothers have seen how the world really works vs how we wish it worked. 

A grandmother would have spotted this gal as a bad apple from 5 miles away with one eye tied behind her back. 

I know you were raised in an era where it is politically incorrect to judge people on their bad behavior and their character and their flaws. But a big part of maturity and adulthood is learning to be smart and look at the realities of the world and the realities of the situation. 

You can't discriminate against people or treat them badly because of the things they do or have done. But that doesn't mean that you have to ignore their past and pretend it has no bearing on their character or persona and it doesn't mean that you have to date them, love them, marry them or have children with them. 

It may be crappy of you to $lu+ shame people or treat them bad or discriminate against them in employment, housing etc etc because of their bad behavior, but you still have to be smart and make good decisions based on reality and what is real. 

As you go forward in life DO judge people on their character and their past behaviors. Don't be afraid to NOT invest your heart, time, money and well being into someone that has shown patterns of bad behavior and irresponsible, exploitive, manipulative, destructive, criminal, addictive or impulsive activities. These are all indications of character. 

Don't abuse or mistreat them yourself. But don't get involved with or invest them emotionally, spiritually or financially.


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## DjDjani (Feb 10, 2018)

Dump her. DNA your kid. Live happy life without her.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

DNA the kid.

See a lawyer ASAP. Most will give a free consultation 15-30 minutes where you can find out how things generally work where you live for people in your kind of situation. You need good information and advice!

Because there is a child involved and you have various businesses, it is important you get the divorce done right. You don't want something to come back and bite you in a few years. What you do in the next short while can have huge impacts on the final divorce and custody/child support.

You will need to get all the original documents for the child. Birth certificate and passport would be primary. Medical records would be good, too. Get copies of your wife's birth certificate, passport, drivers license, social security card. Download and secure a copy of all her banking records and anything else you can think of. Tax returns, credit reports, car titles, etc.

Start documenting her behavior and parenting if there are any problems. Like if she is intoxicated around the children, is physically or emotionally abusive, or abandons the kids to play games on her phone or doesn't come home to watch the kids. If you have an intention of getting custody you will need to document her parenting.

Don't do or say anything without your lawyer's approval. For example, don't threaten divorce or to take the kids away from her. Don't take the kids out of state. Don't spend a large amount of money, and don't move money so that she doesn't have access. Don't agree to any financial arrangements with her. This is why you need to speak to an attorney asap. Your stbxw will be getting advice to take every penny from you. You can sink your own ship before you even realize you are at war, so you need to speak with an atty right away. Even if you don't immediately seek divorce, you need to know how it will work.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Thor said:


> DNA the kid.
> 
> See a lawyer ASAP. Most will give a free consultation 15-30 minutes where you can find out how things generally work where you live for people in your kind of situation. You need good information and advice!
> 
> ...




This ^^^^^^^


Take the emotion out of it and focus on the legal and financial business of divorce. 

This is a two step process -

Step 1. Get a good divorce lawyer. 

Step 2. Do what lawyer says. 

No more. No less.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You are young and don't yet realize that we are not all special snowflakes. In fact, we are all human and all similar.

Your WW is a certain type of human and this is why she does what she does: She is a serial cheater. This is part of her personality type. It represents a mindset, a view of life, a belief about people (everyone cheats, but people won't talk about it openly), an unquestioned baseline for behavior.

So, what you as a healthy person think might be the 'reasons' for her cheating, will never be correct:

'I, the BH, was unloving' = your rationale --> real reason = she is a serial cheat.

'I, the BH, was neglectful = your rationale --> real reason = she is a serial cheat.

Please take to heart what people are telling you here. You are in for endless heartache and drama if you try to stay with her. Cut your losses now.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Quote of Charger
> I'm filing for divorce but of course I can't turn my feelings of the past off, all I think about is the memories we made together. I am beating myself up because I got complacent in the marriage and stopped dating her on dates and giving her that attention and I believe that caused her to emotionally detach from me. I just wish she would've went about this differently, she doesn't care what so ever that I am hurting.


You are going to have to force your thinking to dominate your emotions. STOP with your thinking about where you were not 100% a great husband; no one is, and what she did was ingrained in her before your minor failings as a husband.

You are a good man because you are mistakenly looking at your minor failures as opposed to her gigantic character flaws that will destroy a man. Your wife is a person with very serious character flaws and she will ruin you if you do not separate and as soon as possible and stop all connection to her.

Get all the good help that you can because your emotions will weaken you and may take over your rational thinking. *Your emotions are your greatest enemy right now*. Do this right and in the future she will be like a Jr. High or high school girlfriend that stabbed you in the back… After a few years they will mean nothing to you. 

*Many have recovered from a very damaged spouse and so can you*


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> Read each of these sentences individually again and then answer this question -
> 
> - What would your grandmother say if you told her you were thinking of being with a gal that was already in a relationship and would be cheating on her BF to hook up with you?
> 
> ...


Awesome post. Worth repeating


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

So when's the Divorce? The sooner you present her with papers and sell all the sh...it the better. I hope you are not continuing to support her financially.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

She is coming after you full-force looking for money. Be prepared


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Charger 1972

Dude. Just get it over with. You are married but she isn't. Just make it official and next time take some time to get to know somebody before you start making babies. If a woman comes on to you like a ****, maybe you should figure that she is. Get some self worth.


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## Walloped (Feb 14, 2018)

Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this.


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## Charger1972 (Feb 9, 2018)

UPDATE:

Divorce is has been filed. I still access to her facebook on an old phone of hers that she forgot she had. I've been keeping tabs on her and what she's been doing. I've got messages of her trying to buy marijuana and multiple guys in her inbox wanting sex and she has hooked up with 2 of them that I can tell by the messages, them saying "I'm outside" and sexting leading up to that. She's told people that I was the one cheating and trying to turn it around on me. She's already in a relationship with one of the original 2 guys she was screwing but she is telling everyone else she's single, new guy has no idea that she's banging other guys behind his back. It's a big mess, she was never like this before but she told another person this is the first time she's been single since she was 13 and she's going to have fun haha she'll catch something by the end of the year or get knocked up. I'm so beyond done with her.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Are you still crying for this mess of a woman?

You see how much the veneer of so called freedom and partying with OM's is just a lie?

Now imagine all you know, then she comes back to you and wants to try again? See how everything has switched around?

Well done for filing. Now you're free to move on with your life, work on yourself. It's beautiful.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Charger1972 said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> Divorce is has been filed. I still access to her facebook on an old phone of hers that she forgot she had. I've been keeping tabs on her and what she's been doing. I've got messages of her trying to buy marijuana and multiple guys in her inbox wanting sex and she has hooked up with 2 of them that I can tell by the messages, them saying "I'm outside" and sexting leading up to that. She's told people that I was the one cheating and trying to turn it around on me. She's already in a relationship with one of the original 2 guys she was screwing but she is telling everyone else she's single, new guy has no idea that she's banging other guys behind his back. It's a big mess, she was never like this before but she told another person this is the first time she's been single since she was 13 and she's going to have fun haha she'll catch something by the end of the year or get knocked up. I'm so beyond done with her.


DNA the kids.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

once the divorce get as much proof as possible and you can either post all her details anonymously then tell her that this will go to her entire family and boyfriend if she does not stop what she is saying about you....and start telling the truth.


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## Charger1972 (Feb 9, 2018)

Hey guys, I frequently read threads on TAM since my divorce but rarely comment. I wanted to tell everyone who commented on my post thank you. My life has gotten much better without my ex wife around me. She has basically destroyed her life. She moved in with her ex boyfriend, they constantly fight and I can tell how unhappy she is when I see her for pick up and drop offs for my kids. It's a great feeling knowing that she is not happy. She deserves what she is getting. She lost her job, and has fallen behind on bills. If I could go back to when I discovered the betrayal, I would tell anyone reading this that my advice is to stay strong and try to think with logic and not emotion. If I could've done things differently, I would have immediately told her to GTFO of the house instead of trying to nice her back, it is true, you cannot nice anybody back to reality. I have found that living my life single has so many benefits that marriage did not and I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Be strong and don't be a pushover!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Keep your contact to bare minimum


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Charger1972 said:


> Hey guys, I frequently read threads on TAM since my divorce but rarely comment. I wanted to tell everyone who commented on my post thank you. My life has gotten much better without my ex wife around me. She has basically destroyed her life. She moved in with her ex boyfriend, they constantly fight and I can tell how unhappy she is when I see her for pick up and drop offs for my kids. It's a great feeling knowing that she is not happy. She deserves what she is getting. She lost her job, and has fallen behind on bills. If I could go back to when I discovered the betrayal, I would tell anyone reading this that my advice is to stay strong and try to think with logic and not emotion. If I could've done things differently, I would have immediately told her to GTFO of the house instead of trying to nice her back, it is true, you cannot nice anybody back to reality. I have found that living my life single has so many benefits that marriage did not and I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Be strong and don't be a pushover!


Good for you.

But do not feel sad that you waited to pull the trigger to get her out of your life. It is almost impossible for most men to immediately grasp that they have been betrayed by the person they loved most. It takes time to accept it. Then they delay wondering if it is somehow their fault. Could they have avoided this by acting differently. The answer is no. Nothing you did caused her to cheat and nothing you could have done that would prevent it. Fortunately most guys act fast once the line of no return is crossed. 

And yes, the nice-them-back scenario never works. It just delays the inevitable.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Divorce ASAP!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Charger1972 said:


> Hey guys, I frequently read threads on TAM since my divorce but rarely comment. I wanted to tell everyone who commented on my post thank you. My life has gotten much better without my ex wife around me. She has basically destroyed her life. She moved in with her ex boyfriend, they constantly fight and I can tell how unhappy she is when I see her for pick up and drop offs for my kids. It's a great feeling knowing that she is not happy. She deserves what she is getting. She lost her job, and has fallen behind on bills. If I could go back to when I discovered the betrayal, I would tell anyone reading this that my advice is to stay strong and try to think with logic and not emotion. If I could've done things differently, I would have immediately told her to GTFO of the house instead of trying to nice her back, it is true, you cannot nice anybody back to reality. I have found that living my life single has so many benefits that marriage did not and I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Be strong and don't be a pushover!


I hope you have divorced her and DNA tested your child. 
It sounds like you’ve accepted it’s over and are thinking clearly now. But if you haven’t legally divorced her, you’re still in a bind.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

she tricked you. she needed a paycheck, and married you. she led you to believe she loved you...but if she did , it was not a very serious love. Certainly not a monogamous one.

Look at it this way, suppose a con man tricked you out of $20K. WOuld you still be friends with him afterward? Or would you avoid him at all costs. Some deal here...you need to avoid her from now on. No contact. it is just bad for your soul


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

TDSC60 said:


> Good for you.
> 
> But do not feel sad that you waited to pull the trigger to get her out of your life. It is almost impossible for most men to immediately grasp that they have been betrayed by the person they loved most. It takes time to accept it. Then they delay wondering if it is somehow their fault. Could they have avoided this by acting differently. The answer is no. Nothing you did caused her to cheat and nothing you could have done that would prevent it. Fortunately most guys act fast once the line of no return is crossed.
> 
> And yes, the nice-them-back scenario never works. It just delays the inevitable.


I am glad for you and that u are happy, well deserved, but careful on feeling too good in that she is a wreck, she still the mother of your kids.... Not because of her but because impact on the kiddos. Best of luck


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