# Divorce process



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Posted this in another forum, have not received any response yet, so I'm hoping I'll get some here.
My stbxh and I separated February of last year, so it's been 11 months. All through that time, I was hoping that we'll take a break from each other and be able to sort through our issues. But my husband remained arrogant and proud. I kept him on my insurance from my job because he has been ill lately. He racked my insurance company several hundred thousand dollars due to surgeries and labs, etc. that has to be done in order to fix whatever was wrong with him. 
Despite all this, I never heard him say he is grateful even though the insurance saved him from bankruptcy. Several months into the separation, my daughter from my first relationship lost her insurance through college because she is over 21. I decided to keep her on mine. With 2 dependents that I need to pay (mine is paid by the company I worked for), I couldn't afford it. I asked him if he could help me pay for his part, and he did. He would deposit money in my account, but most of the time, I have to remind him of it.
This December, he told me that he will file on me. I heard from people that he is talking smack about me to his mother in a public restaurant and I told him about it. In retaliation, he told me he's going to divorce me.
That was Dec. 30. My question is, how long before I receive anything. Am I going to get served or is any document mailed? (I'm worried they'll serve me at work, nobody at work knows what's going on) 
My stbxh also didn't deposit any payment for the insurance. I asked my agency if I could take him off, and they told me that I should wait until divorce is final lest he gets sick again, and racks medical bills, I will be liable for any expenses he incurred while married. So...my stbx is sticking me with the bill.
what is the process of the divorce if it was filed against you? Should I just wait for the paper before I hire a lawyer?
Are his demands included in these papers he's going to file on me? If I agree to it, should I just sign, and I'm divorced? How long do I need to wait before I receive or served any papers? He told me he filed 1st week of January.
Please help, I'm not from this country, and I've never been divorced. I don't know anybody who's been divorced and I really need advice from those who's gone through it so I at least know that anybody I hire is not pulling a fast one on me.

thank you so much in advance!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

It is probably different in each jurisdiction which is why you probably didn't get any replies. A lawyer has no particular reason to pull a fast one on you else they risk losing their license, call around to see if there are any that will offer a free consultation. You could also go to the courthouse and ask questions about the process there, or atleast find out if there is any free legal advice. good luck.


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

I suggest you get an attorney right away. It pays to shop. (I am on my second one--a costly mistake) STBXH and I are waiting to divorce until after I refi the home. The first attorney did say that it would take a week to have my husband served with papers from the time of filing. 

Sounds like he is using your calling him on badmouthing you as an excuse for a decision he already made.

Sorry you have to go through this. It's been almost a year for me too. It does get better. I am coming out much happier in the end.


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## rotor (Aug 28, 2010)

Howdy PofJ,

I am in California so this information may or may not be of use in your situation.

First of all hold off on the attorney for now. If this is going to be an uncontested divorce an attorney is unnecessary.

Here is how the process worked in my case.

On Friday Jan 6 I went to a paralegal and filled out the necessary paperwork. On the following Friday I went back and signed the prepared papers to be filed. Yesterday I received a call from the paralegal informing me that the papers were filed and that he would be serving her via US mail. He said it would arrive either today or tomorrow and since we both live under the same roof he would just put both of our copies in the same envelope.

His instructions were for her to do absolutely nothing with the paperwork and the divorce would be final July 19 (our anniversary)

It’s actually a remarkably simple and informal process from start to finish. That is if you can both cooperate with each other.

Regards,

rotor


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

rotor said:


> Howdy PofJ,
> 
> I am in California so this information may or may not be of use in your situation.
> 
> ...




Thanks rotor, like I posted in another thread, I was hoping that my stbxh will talk decently to me so we can go through this process as painless as possible, but he's stonewalling me. He also stopped paying for his part in our health insurance, sticking me with the bill. 
So it looks like what I've heard is true, it takes 10 business days for the respondent to receive the paperwork from the day it is filed?
Why does it take so long? I live in PA, so I don't know if the divorce process timewise is different. I thought it only takes 90 days for the divorce to be final.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

everafter said:


> I suggest you get an attorney right away. It pays to shop. (I am on my second one--a costly mistake) STBXH and I are waiting to divorce until after I refi the home. The first attorney did say that it would take a week to have my husband served with papers from the time of filing.
> 
> Sounds like he is using your calling him on badmouthing you as an excuse for a decision he already made.
> 
> Sorry you have to go through this. It's been almost a year for me too. It does get better. I am coming out much happier in the end.


Hi everafter, yeah...he's made this decision a long time ago, stringing me along, feeding me little morsels of hope. But he didn't have the guts to file because he will look like the bad guy so he used my anger as a reason. It doesn't matter really, I just want it to be over so I won't have anything more to do with him.
It's strange...how once a great love for somebody turns into disgust.
I am not happy yet, but I could feel myself getting there. I look around my apartment, and I breathe sighs of contentment...


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