# Not sure what to do



## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

I'm 22 and my husband is 21. We have been together for 2 years but just recently got married In March.

Hes always been pretty impulsive when hes upset doing and saying things he doesnt mean. I've never worried about him cheating on me that's never been an issue. But just recently the fight we just had was the biggest and I'm not sure how to handle it. 

He went out with one of his friends and had just sent me a text saying how much he loved me and that we would be together forever. I'm supposed to move with him to England in 2 months (hes military) and he come back after hanging with that friend just up and randomly saying he wants a divorce.

He said he didnt feel like he could do what he wanted with me and that he doesmt want to be with me he hasnt been happy. I'm hysterical crying begging him not to leave but he just sat there. I ended up hanging up and cried all day nonstop. A few hours later he texted saying he made a huge mistake that he had been drinking and his friend was pushing him saying he should divorce me that he didnt seem happy just a bunch of bs. He goes on to say he had been drinking and we had am agreement that while we werent together we wouldmt go out drinking like that and so that's another thing is him lying to me. 

He said he was having fun and saying I didnt let him have fun like that so when the guy went to him saying that that he felt like he should. Then when he sobered up he wanted to come back to me and I dont know if I can do it anymore. 

He says hes gonna go to counciling but this was so random I'm scared it's going to happen again and I dont think I can handle it. We are married and i do love him and want to be with him but i dont think i can handle it happening again. 

I told him i dont know what i want to do or if i even want to do it anymore I'm just basing it off of if it seems like hes really gonna change something. But idk how to get back to being able to trust him again or get past this. I dont even know if I'm making the right decision at all or if I should just go through with divorce I dont know what to do.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> Hes always been pretty impulsive when hes upset doing and saying things he doesnt mean.
> 
> He went out with one of his friends and had just sent me a text saying how much he loved me and that we would be together forever.
> 
> ...


You call it being impulsive. I call it being a young kid of 21 who hasn't experienced enough life yet to really know what he wants.

Sorry, but I don't see this having a happily-ever-after ending. JMO.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

You two are very young to be married. Add in living the life in the military. Not a good recipe.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Yeah, it will really be a learning experience, as a young bride even more demanding issues to come, and it will require more than just strength. Your past 2 yrs already has given you a glimpse of trails yet to come. Now not only with you both in a different country but away from your family. And yes distance does make a difference. 

Now, love can be and must be apart of your new life together. But at that age is suceptable to influence of other men, thinking they have his best interest at heart. Maybe yes maybe no, will you be strong enough and a good talking board for him to release his fears and thoughts? 

If you in a state of mind, you have doubts and not able to be his strength. Or he to be your strength. Because he may not have any. Then release him and yourself from the dreams you both once held. Why because you or he may find the other is inflexible. And no children are involved yet. 

Your honest post says, both of you has inmaturity in you. Not that it is bad, but a point to be made to you without sugar coating it. Or blowing smoke, or sunshine up his butt or yours.

I'll wait to see if you reply to this post. As l am wrong or as you envision something completely different.

Tilted


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am sad to say that most guys of 20-21 are very immature, and he sounds it. The fact that he was so easily pressured by this man to end his marriage for no reason is very concerning and doesn't bode well for the future. 
You may make it with lots of time and marriage counselling, but you have only just married and already he is acting like a complete idiot.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Being a good husband requires that a man be mature, responsible, and considerate. And your husband appears to be none of those things. 

I'm sorry, but until he decides to grow up, and behave like an adult, I'm afraid your heartbreak is just going to continue. 

Something you could try though, is encouraging him to befriend older, mature men that act responsibly, who will influence him in positive ways, rather than enable his foolishness.

The drunken idiots he currently hangs with need to go. You become like those you're around.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Yeah, it will really be a learning experience, as a young bride even more demanding issues to come, and it will require more than just strength. Your past 2 yrs already has given you a glimpse of trails yet to come. Now not only with you both in a different country but away from your family. And yes distance does make a difference.
> 
> Now, love can be and must be apart of your new life together. But at that age is suceptable to influence of other men, thinking they have his best interest at heart. Maybe yes maybe no, will you be strong enough and a good talking board for him to release his fears and thoughts?
> 
> ...



Yeah we've been apart for almost the whole time we've been together. The distance has been really hard on both of us. We got married so that I can move with him and we could be together and everything has been great but idk for a while we were kind of having little fights.

It was mostly just being upset and wanting to see each other and kind of taking it out on one another. But then I had been going through some stuff I wasnt in a good mental state and was really suicidal but he said he coulsnt handle me being so upset all the time and needed a break so he hung up and only texted me for a bit. We ended up having a discussion about it and he cried he felt awful and since that day everything had been great hes been there for me we havent argued at all and we were doing really good.

Then all of a sudden this randomly happened out of nowhere and I cant understand how he let himself be influenced like that. I love him and want to be with him more than anything but the anxieties of whether or not he really feels how he says he does is what's making me not be able to fully go back in to this whole heartedly. I told him I wanted to take it slow and see how he does and see if I really see a change before I decide to move with him. 

I've been wondering if something had been going on with him for a while because I never knew what mood he would be in for a while he would be super sweet then one day he could randomly just be feeling upset or being in a mood tk where he didnt want to talk to me as much and he was never mean to me it was just random moods like that. 

I want to be there for him if something is going on and I want to help him theough it if I can and work on this and hes agreed to go talk to someone but i just domt know how i can get past this i dont know how to be able to get over it and be able to move on from it but I also dont know how I'm supposed to move on from him if it doesmt work out because I do want to be with him.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

BioFury said:


> Being a good husband requires that a man be mature, responsible, and considerate. And your husband appears to be none of those things.
> 
> I'm sorry, but until he decides to grow up, and behave like an adult, I'm afraid your heartbreak is just going to continue.
> 
> ...


Yeah he says he wants to go talk to someone and try to be better for himself and for me and that he isnt going to hang out with them anymore. I'm trying to give it a chance and take a step back and just see how he does and if he sticks with it and does better like he says before I really make a decision I'm just so scared. I still love him so much and I'm scared it could randomly happen again but I'm still trying to wait and see how he does. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing everyone around me keeps telling me different things and I'm just so confused.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Thanks for the reply, you know do see the counselor, and then see where you are at, then maybe if possible go alone and tell the counselor of your issues, just maybe he can help with that. Does you H have any PTSD issues? But in your personal IC, just could open a new way to view your dilemma, and allow you to go forward with a new outlook.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> Yeah he says he wants to go talk to someone and try to be better for himself and for me and that he isnt going to hang out with them anymore. I'm trying to give it a chance and take a step back and just see how he does and if he sticks with it and does better like he says before I really make a decision I'm just so scared. I still love him so much and I'm scared it could randomly happen again but I'm still trying to wait and see how he does. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing everyone around me keeps telling me different things and I'm just so confused.


What other things are other telling you, it isn't some of your young single women friends. If you do get advice get from long time happily married women.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Stability is one of the most important things in life. You want a stable job, stable friendships, a stable marriage, a stable mind etc. 
The big swings in relationships are exhausting. Doing SO great for a while, then doing terrible for a while... the ups and downs I swear takes years off your life. 
Don’t fall for his impulsive drama. You should be above that, and want to be with a stable man that knows what he has and wants what he has. The end. Tell him this, and give him room to change or prove you that he is the wrong one.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Thanks for the reply, you know do see the counselor, and then see where you are at, then maybe if possible go alone and tell the counselor of your issues, just maybe he can help with that. Does you H have any PTSD issues? But in your personal IC, just could open a new way to view your dilemma, and allow you to go forward with a new outlook.


No he doesnt have any PTSD issues I'm not really sure what could be going on with him I just need something to change and I told him that. I'm trying to give him room to work on it but if he cant then I dont think I can handle it anymore.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Bunniebabes97 said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah he says he wants to go talk to someone and try to be better for himself and for me and that he isnt going to hang out with them anymore. I'm trying to give it a chance and take a step back and just see how he does and if he sticks with it and does better like he says before I really make a decision I'm just so scared. I still love him so much and I'm scared it could randomly happen again but I'm still trying to wait and see how he does. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing everyone around me keeps telling me different things and I'm just so confused.
> ...


Mostly just some of my close friends. They arent married but are in stable long term relationships right now. Some are telling me we are married now and should try to get through it and hopefully get past all of this but then I have other ones telling me to just stop it all and give up that it isnt worth it. I do want to be with him and I dont want to let anything anyone else is saying influence me into doing something I dont want. But having so many different responses is so confusing.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Stability is one of the most important things in life. You want a stable job, stable friendships, a stable marriage, a stable mind etc.
> The big swings in relationships are exhausting. Doing SO great for a while, then doing terrible for a while... the ups and downs I swear takes years off your life.
> Don’t fall for his impulsive drama. You should be above that, and want to be with a stable man that knows what he has and wants what he has. The end. Tell him this, and give him room to change or prove you that he is the wrong one.


I told him that I want to work it out I want to get past it but I also said I'm gonna be taking a step back. He says he wants to change and go get help and talk to a professional and try to really change but it's been so many up and downs like that it really is exhausting. I told him if anything else happens, if I feel like nothing is going to change, or if i feel like i cant get to the point of trusting him completely again then I cant stay with him. It's just so hard I want it to work so bad and I really am hoping he can work on it and stick to getting whatever kind of help it is he needs. I'm scared to get too hopeful because I dont want to feel how I did a few days ago when it happened. That was the hardest day I've ever had to go through in all of the time that I've been alive. I just hope that I'm doing all of this the right way or that I'm handling it correctly.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

((sigh)) maybe it calls for a long separation then, but there is a price for that. Possibly end in divorce.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bunniebabes97 He is not ready for marriage. And he'll possibly never be ready for marriage, ever.

Could you see a military councillor?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I’m thinking an issue might be that both of your peer groups, perhaps especially his, are unmarried and don’t have the responsibilities and commitment to one person that the two of you do. Your friends can go out drinking and say stupid stuff without consequence and that likely has an appeal to your husband especially. 

Get counseling quickly. Make sure the two of you know what the future is likely to be like. And please make sure you don’t bring a kid into the situation. That will not make things better no matter what either of you think. Keep your lives simple and find some married couples that have been at it for awhile and talk with them. 

Nothing will be easy. Both of you have to re-commit to your marriage and expect and deliver on some tough work ahead.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> @Bunniebabes97 He is not ready for marriage. And he'll possibly never be ready for marriage, ever.
> 
> Could you see a military councillor?


 @MattMatt that's the thing that's making it harder we still arent even together at this point. I havent seen him since March and wont see him again until December. Weve been planning to move so I'm supposed to leave Jan 4. I already have a psychiatrist that I see for depression and such so I wanted to talk to him at my appointment Tuesday. But we cant go to any counciling together until he comes. If I see a major change and it looks like things might really change in him for the better then I can decide if I want to go and maybe us still try counciling together. But at the moment we are still trying to do this on top of the long distance
That's what has made all of this so hard to begin with.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> I’m thinking an issue might be that both of your peer groups, perhaps especially his, are unmarried and don’t have the responsibilities and commitment to one person that the two of you do. Your friends can go out drinking and say stupid stuff without consequence and that likely has an appeal to your husband especially.
> 
> Get counseling quickly. Make sure the two of you know what the future is likely to be like. And please make sure you don’t bring a kid into the situation. That will not make things better no matter what either of you think. Keep your lives simple and find some married couples that have been at it for awhile and talk with them.
> 
> Nothing will be easy. Both of you have to re-commit to your marriage and expect and deliver on some tough work ahead.


I really want to try to get to counciling and everything but I said in another message a second ago that we havent even been together since March because of him being in Japan so we cant even begin to do that together until December when he comes back but even then we will only be here until the 4th and I was supposed to move with him on the 4th too so I'm not really sure If I'm going anymore. I'm basing it all on what he does and if he seems to be trying to really make a change and if it really seems like we can really move past this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> @MattMatt that's the thing that's making it harder we still arent even together at this point. I havent seen him since March and wont see him again until December. Weve been planning to move so I'm supposed to leave Jan 4. I already have a psychiatrist that I see for depression and such so I wanted to talk to him at my appointment Tuesday. But we cant go to any counciling together until he comes. If I see a major change and it looks like things might really change in him for the better then I can decide if I want to go and maybe us still try counciling together. But at the moment we are still trying to do this on top of the long distance
> That's what has made all of this so hard to begin with.


Yes, I see what you mean. Not easy for you. Can the army help you both?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> I really want to try to get to counciling and everything but I said in another message a second ago that we havent even been together since March because of him being in Japan so we cant even begin to do that together until December when he comes back but even then we will only be here until the 4th and I was supposed to move with him on the 4th too so I'm not really sure If I'm going anymore. I'm basing it all on what he does and if he seems to be trying to really make a change and if it really seems like we can really move past this.


I can see how the long distance and time apart makes things a lot tougher. It’s as if you’re not even married at the moment. Or I should say easy to think that way. I don’t think anything is going to change for the better before he gets back. 

But, the thought occurred to me, since the military involves so much time apart, maybe they have a sort of remote video counseling available?


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> Bunniebabes97 said:
> 
> 
> > I really want to try to get to counciling and everything but I said in another message a second ago that we havent even been together since March because of him being in Japan so we cant even begin to do that together until December when he comes back but even then we will only be here until the 4th and I was supposed to move with him on the 4th too so I'm not really sure If I'm going anymore. I'm basing it all on what he does and if he seems to be trying to really make a change and if it really seems like we can really move past this.
> ...


I thought about that too it's just hard with the time distance. The shift hes on now if hes not asleep then hes at work for the most part when I'm awake and the same for him with me. But I will ask him and see what he thinks maybe we can figure something out like that to try.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> Bunniebabes97 said:
> 
> 
> > @MattMatt that's the thing that's making it harder we still arent even together at this point. I havent seen him since March and wont see him again until December. Weve been planning to move so I'm supposed to leave Jan 4. I already have a psychiatrist that I see for depression and such so I wanted to talk to him at my appointment Tuesday. But we cant go to any counciling together until he comes. If I see a major change and it looks like things might really change in him for the better then I can decide if I want to go and maybe us still try counciling together. But at the moment we are still trying to do this on top of the long distance
> ...


Hes air force but i'm not really sure. Someone just suggested video calling with a councilor so I might talk to him about that and see if theres something we can do like that. It's just hard with the time difference. Currently hes been in Japan and I'm in georgia so the time difference is alot too with trying to figure something like that out.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Thank you guys for all of the replies though I do appreciate the time everyone is taking to try and help me. I dont know any of you but it really means alot.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> Hes air force but i'm not really sure. Someone just suggested video calling with a councilor so I might talk to him about that and see if theres something we can do like that. It's just hard with the time difference. Currently hes been in Japan and I'm in georgia so the time difference is alot too with trying to figure something like that out.


Have you considered the possibility that he's being unfaithful?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> Hes air force but i'm not really sure. Someone just suggested video calling with a councilor so I might talk to him about that and see if theres something we can do like that. It's just hard with the time difference. Currently hes been in Japan and I'm in georgia so the time difference is alot too with trying to figure something like that out.


His Commanding Officer will be able to help you, I think.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Or better yet, do go but ensure you have access to a return flight. If you want to give the best shot to your marriage. Just take what basics you need you can always get things there as you need. But if this is not something you want then call it what it is then done.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bunniebabes97 Just moved your thread to the General Relationship section on TAM.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

BioFury said:


> Bunniebabes97 said:
> 
> 
> > Hes air force but i'm not really sure. Someone just suggested video calling with a councilor so I might talk to him about that and see if theres something we can do like that. It's just hard with the time difference. Currently hes been in Japan and I'm in georgia so the time difference is alot too with trying to figure something like that out.
> ...


No I've never worried about that type of thing at all our only problem is the ups and downs like in the messages I wrote about. That is one thing I completely trust him on.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Or better yet, do go but ensure you have access to a return flight. If you want to give the best shot to your marriage. Just take what basics you need you can always get things there as you need. But if this is not something you want then call it what it is then done.


It is something that I really want. I want more than anything to get past this but I know if we cant then I do have to move on. If it seems like he really is trying to make the change and do what he needs to then I'm thinking of moving with him and just trying it out. He said if it doesnt he would pay for me to get back so I wouldnt be stuck there or anything.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> @Bunniebabes97 Just moved your thread to the General Relationship section on TAM. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" ></a>


Thank you &#55358;&#56688;


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

BioFury said:


> Bunniebabes97 said:
> 
> 
> > Hes air force but i'm not really sure. Someone just suggested video calling with a councilor so I might talk to him about that and see if theres something we can do like that. It's just hard with the time difference. Currently hes been in Japan and I'm in georgia so the time difference is alot too with trying to figure something like that out.
> ...


I know by the messages he seems like he doesnt care and everything else but he really is a good guy hes not the type to be unfaithful like that he just has his own issues going on and these ups and downs of how hes being to me and random things like that that he keeps doing is taking alot out of me. I want him to go through with talking to someone and if something is going on with him to hopefully be able to be there for him and get us through this. It's just the matter of him really trying to get help and change. He seems to be trying at the moment and has an appointment and stuff but it is still really soon and I cant go by what hes saying anymore as far as that goes I'm just trying to wait and try to talk everything out that's been bothering us and see what he does. Communication is one thing I've been trying to work on for us for a while because that is alot of our problem but before this happened it was getting alot better and we were talking about everything but now that this happened I kind of unloaded everything I had been holding in and told him completely how I feel so if it doesnt get better and nothing changes I'll just have to stop and try to move on, as hard as that's gonna be.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> It is something that I really want. I want more than anything to get past this but I know if we cant then I do have to move on. If it seems like he really is trying to make the change and do what he needs to then I'm thinking of moving with him and just trying it out. He said if it doesnt he would pay for me to get back so I wouldnt be stuck there or anything.


Sounds like a beginning, but in case it would turn sour, do get in cash the fee for a return flight. And if anything more is needed you should always be able to count on family.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Bunniebabes97 said:
> 
> 
> > It is something that I really want. I want more than anything to get past this but I know if we cant then I do have to move on. If it seems like he really is trying to make the change and do what he needs to then I'm thinking of moving with him and just trying it out. He said if it doesnt he would pay for me to get back so I wouldnt be stuck there or anything.
> ...


I have been saving up for a while so I should be good but yeah my family and everyone has been here for me and everything. I just hope that I can make the right decision and do what is best. It is all really scary but I feel like I'm handling it better than I thought I could. I decided to post on here to hopefully maybe get some advice that could help me figure out some things I could try or do.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> You call it being impulsive. I call it being a young kid of 21 who hasn't experienced enough life yet to really know what he wants.
> 
> Sorry, but I don't see this having a happily-ever-after ending. JMO.


I don't know of any too-young marriages that ever lasted. I only read about them on the internet in memes with pictures of 80 year old people and the caption claiming they've been married since they were 17 or 18 and can read each other's minds and share one set of teeth. Other than those extremely dubious memes, I really don't see any success stories.

You married a child, OP. Guys his age are way too young to be married. I don't think for a minute some 'buddy' scared him and made him want to divorce you. What a load of crap. The military is RIFE with infidelity. I think he's been up to no good and because he's so young, he's made another impulsive choice to divorce you because some young lady likely has his head turned sideways and he's too immature to deal with it. You're being *extremely* naive insisting he's "not the cheating type." That's the type of delusional blind devotion that gets the rug pulled right out from underneath you, every single time. 

Like someone else said, save up your money for a return ticket from London. Hey, at least you'll get the experience of world travel if you do go. But realistically, the chances for overall success in a marriage with a youngin' like him are likely pretty low.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> No I've never worried about that type of thing at all our only problem is the ups and downs like in the messages I wrote about. That is one thing I completely trust him on.


Bless your heart.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Prodigal said:
> 
> 
> > You call it being impulsive. I call it being a young kid of 21 who hasn't experienced enough life yet to really know what he wants.
> ...


It wasnt that he scared him into doing it. We have a thing where we dont go out and drink like that and he says the guy kept pushing him and so he admitted that I'm the reason he doesnt drink. He says the guy started saying stuff after that like oh she doesnt let you have fun she blah blah and then kept telling him he wasnt happy with me and that he should be able to experience things and stuff like that. I know it sounds naive to believe he hasnt cheated but I really do believe that he hasnt. Every second he isnt as work is usually spent trying to find time to talk to me. I've never gotten that vibe of him maybe being unfaithful ever during these whole 2 years weve been together. I know what he said about his friend and him getting him a little drunk and talking all that stuff to him isnt an excuse at all. I'm still very upset about it and told him I havent completely made up my mind. I do really want to be with him but I also told him if I dont see a big change and it doesnt stay that way then I'll have to move on I cant keep doing that to myself. If it seems like hes really doing what he needs to and growing up then I want to go with him and give it a chance. If it doesnt work out then i can always come back. Its alot but i am willing to try if he is to get through this. Like I said it's just going to be alot of anxiety and needing reassurance for a while because of what he did.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> I have been saving up for a while so I should be good but yeah my family and everyone has been here for me and everything. I just hope that I can make the right decision and do what is best. It is all really scary but I feel like I'm handling it better than I thought I could. I decided to post on here to hopefully maybe get some advice that could help me figure out some things I could try or do.


Well, your first step is you being there long distance trying to resolve you marriage issues dictate you and he both present and interacting. 

What for example of advice are you seeking? Since we can't talk on the phone, You have to help us here. Being nice we can't read your thoughts. So present exact questions then wait for the reply start with 2-3 and you can always expand more questions. It go in depth with the ones you ask. Thanks


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I was married young me 19 her 17 , in the MARINES, waited to have our first child for 3.1/2 yrs. And after 10 yes had another. Left the CORPS and. What l will tell you is yes the military is as prone to start infidelity, but moreso with the spouses of the military person. 

Why because if and when your current spouse doesn't measure up. Then the wayward spouse find another replacement, another military choice. I do not quote statically, but it was so rampant within the circles you sometime visit. 

So the next question is do you think you are strong enough to avoid crossing the boundary lines?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I don't know of any too-young marriages that ever lasted. I only read about them on the internet in memes with pictures of 80 year old people and the caption claiming they've been married since they were 17 or 18 and can read each other's minds and share one set of teeth. Other than those extremely dubious memes, I really don't see any success stories.
> 
> You married a child, OP. Guys his age are way too young to be married. I don't think for a minute some 'buddy' scared him and made him want to divorce you. What a load of crap. The military is RIFE with infidelity. I think he's been up to no good and because he's so young, he's made another impulsive choice to divorce you because some young lady likely has his head turned sideways and he's too immature to deal with it. You're being *extremely* naive insisting he's "not the cheating type." That's the type of delusional blind devotion that gets the rug pulled right out from underneath you, every single time.
> 
> Like someone else said, save up your money for a return ticket from London. Hey, at least you'll get the experience of world travel if you do go. But realistically, the chances for overall success in a marriage with a youngin' like him are likely pretty low.


To be fair I do know a lot of good happy marriages where one or both were under 20.Some have lasted over 40 years now. Having said that its usually the women who were the younger partner, men of this age are usually pretty immature.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Do not do the "pick me" dance. Find out what your legal rights are.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> ... he says the guy kept pushing him and so he admitted that I'm the reason he doesnt drink. He says the guy started saying stuff after that like oh she doesnt let you have fun she blah blah and then kept telling him he wasnt happy with me and that he should be able to experience things and stuff like that.


This is a perfect example of immaturity. NOBODY pushes me to do a damn thing I don't want to do. Your husband is also deflecting responsibility from a choice HE made by placing the blame on someone else. Again, immaturity.

The thing is, you are both young. Sorry, but you have only been on this planet for 21 and 22 years. Trust me, 20 years from now you won't recognize who you are today. The longer we live, the more wisdom and maturity we gain from navigating life's challenges. You just don't have it because you haven't lived long enough to experience it.

Maybe your marriage will work out. But you married a kid/young boy. He simply isn't equipped, nor does he have the life experience, to know what to do.

P.S. - I'm a former Army wife. My husband and I were older than you when we got married. We had LOTS more experience. Even with that, it was still difficult.


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## Bunniebabes97 (Oct 3, 2019)

Bunniebabes97 said:


> I'm 22 and my husband is 21. We have been together for 2 years but just recently got married In March.
> 
> Hes always been pretty impulsive when hes upset doing and saying things he doesnt mean. I've never worried about him cheating on me that's never been an issue. But just recently the fight we just had was the biggest and I'm not sure how to handle it.
> 
> ...


I mean he said the boy was pushing him but he did take responsibility for it. He has an appointment tomorrow to see a councilor he says hes gonna tell them everything and try to do better for himself and for me. I know theres a chance it may not work out but if he is taking responsibility and actively trying to seek counciling and everything to try to learn how to grow up some and work on himself then as long as hes treating me how he should then i want to be there and grow with him. I told him I'm giving him this chance but If he does anything else to mess with that at all or starts acting any type of way towards me again then i have to leave.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So your husband claimed the other guy badgered him into going drinking, The other guy loaded his head with getting a divorce. Then you claim your husband took responsibility.

I see a lot of "yes, but …" rationalizations coming from you. First, you complain about your husband's inconsistencies. We agree. We tell you he is immature. Then you respond with a "yes, but...". 

Look, your husband is immature. Sorry, but so are you. You don't know what the hell you want to do, nor does he. I'm not slamming you. But I'm here to let you know that I was also 22 at one point. I clearly remember feeling pretty mature, given that my parents left me to raise myself. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet and survive. But the thing is, I had only been on this planet for 22 years. I simply didn't possess the life experience and wisdom that comes with it, to make a really informed, mature decision.

I'd advise you hang in there with your husband. See how it goes. If he gets into counseling and starts to decide what it is he really wants out of his marriage, it could work.


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