# Controlling Enough to Separate?



## SmithSmith (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi, I am new to this site. Me & my husband have been married for just 4 years and in the last 6 months to a year I have been unhappy. We started talking about having kids b/c I thought maybe this would give me what I needed to be happy again (terrible). It all came to a head when I met a guy and started having an "emotional affair" with him. He seems to be everything I've always wanted my H to be. Fun, Kind, UNcontrolling, personable, social, likes to have fun, dance and it helped he's totally into me. I stopped my contact with him when i realized what was happening and told my H. If I let this happen, having these strong feelings for someone else, something is really wrong in my marriage right? My husband is controlling, anal retentive and treats me like a child, condescending the way he talks to me, etc. This guy was the exact opposite and I can't stop thinking that I want more now. My H is also a good man, kind, supportive, would never cheat, a good provider, basic all around good guy, but the romance is GONE, I feel like he's my brother, not my lover. I need help. Is this ENOUGH to ruin a marriage that many woman would be so happy to have? Am I just selfish "wanting it all"???? I'm depressed and we're going to counseling and it's not helping me fall back in love with him yet (only been a month) ANY comments are appreciated!!!


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

> If I let this happen, having these strong feelings for someone else, something is really wrong in my marriage right?


Not necessarily. You can love more than one person and have feelings for more than one person. People don't have affairs just because they're unhappy.

That said, do you want a better relationship with your husband? If your husband could change back to the person you fell in love with, would you want to stay with him?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think you need to communicate to your husband what ou really want. This other guy you feel in love with did not have to do all the mundane things your husband had to do. It is unfair to compare the two. You Husband seems to be doing what he thinks you want (provide you with security in life.) Most guys get this wrong.

Give your marriage a real shot. Tell your husband these are the things I want, this is what you do that annoy me. These are the things I am thankful for and these are the things I love about you.

I agree with Evenow about being able to love more then one person. You can love more then one child right? But marriage is about more then love it is about the commitment to one another too.

draconis


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