# Defriended my STBXW on FB.



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

So yeah, I may miss a few "special deliveries" in Cafe World, but oh well. 
It sure beats getting that slap to the face when you see the man who tore apart your marriage and the family of your child posting on your wifes page. "Hope you have a super day!"

Maybe its juvenile of me. I guess Its juvenile to be on FB alltogether. But I dont have a lot of other means of contact with friends and family.

I just couldnt stand to see his face. He was after all, "just a friend", right?

I was thinking the other day of a good way to explain it to my wife, in terms "she" would understand.

Imagine if some woman just up and slapped you across the face, and then I befriended her, and she regularly posted on my page to which you could see, asking "Hows your wife like that black eye?"

Or, like a thief having stolen your brand new car, taking pictures and posting them on my page, of his trips around town.

I guess this is all stupid. 
She said to me, I see you deleted me on Facebook, its okay I understand....

No,,,, Not by a long shot do you understand anything right now.

---Mr. Angry...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Which of the following better describes a wife who's having an affair?:

WINO: WifeInNameOnly

or

WOPO: WifeOnPaperOnly

Personally I like the first one because just like a real wino, she is sh*tfaced drunk with the attention she's getting from the OM.:rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good for you 

Out of sight, out of mind.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

morituri said:


> Which of the following better describes a wife who's having an affair?:
> 
> WINO: WifeInNameOnly
> 
> ...


Aint that the truth. I would have NEVER, EVER, EVER, considered it a remote possibility, that she would "become" as she is now. 
I remember having discussions early on in our life together, with her saying " if you ever feel for someone else, dont lead me on, just tell me and lets be done with this" ," ive been cheated on before and I would never do that to you"..
"Its better to end it before that ever happens".

And now.... AND NOWWWWw......

I remember thinking , wow, this girls got a good head on her shoulders, thats something I really wanted to hear.

But who can really tell what happens within someone through the passing of the years. Certainly there are no guarantees.
I think I have a certain timeline of events that led to a very vulnerable time for her in her life, but she chose the wrong way to deal with the issues, demonized me, and has a paper-thin dreamland existence right now.

Lots of deaths of closely related relatives in her family, plus incredibly mind bending debt issues, reaching the age of 39 and showing signs of concern of physical appearance, very midlife crisis like activity, anxiety attacks that resulted in a prescription for xanax. And at this point, all it took was an "I still love you" from some boyfriend from 25 years ago on facebook, and I suddenly turned into the evil control master begruding and hellish to even look at.

One day, my life will be in my own hands. 
I will not be obligated to her from a standpoint of my own value for the relationship, or God's value of our relationship.
I will no longer live my life in obligation to her, or concern for her where unfortunately too late i found out was not returned.

My two hands, will repaint the walls of my new house, will lay the carpets, will plant the gardens of which I will reach into and pluck the sweet tomatos. I will fix my own coffee in the morning, and have but one cup on the counter, 
and will fix eggs and bacon for myself and my daughter on Saturday mornings, while we exhaust the entire morning watching cartoons. (well not too much, i promise)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Aint that the truth. I would have NEVER, EVER, EVER, considered it a remote possibility, that she would "become" as she is now.
> I remember having discussions early on in our life together, with her saying " if you ever feel for someone else, dont lead me on, just tell me and lets be done with this" ," ive been cheated on before and I would never do that to you"..
> "Its better to end it before that ever happens".


My ex husband said the same. He said a lot of things and did the opposite.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Maybe its juvenile of me. I guess Its juvenile to be on FB alltogether. But I dont have a lot of other means of contact with friends and family.


No it's not juvenile of you. In fact, I would go one step further and Block her altogether. That way she does not exist in your world and you dont exist on hers. I would block the OM too. As for facebook being juvenile, its how a lot of familes keep in touch with each other. Heck, I wouldn't even know half the things going on in the family if it wasnt for facebook. Its not like we dial each other each and every day and give status updates.

And yes, my WW reconnected with an old high school boyfriend from 25 years ago after I created her facebook account, and then the EA started. Thank goodness I accidentally caught it before it might become a PA. All because my WW didn't have solid boundaries when an old flame contacted her. It's not facebooks fault that she couldn't simply say "I'm married now, it would be wrong to continue talking without my husband knowing". But noooooo.....she even had to create a secret facebook account under a fake name to continue it. If she wasn't so stupid to use her work email account for the secret facebook account, I would never have known until coming home and finding she had disappeared.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

lordmayhem, youre right. I dont blame facebook. I wonder sometimes if the Man-Code is just a figment of the imagination. Wasnt there a time when men (and not to remove blame from my wife by any means) but when men had a sense of honor towards one another, knew the boundaries they must keep amongst their own group of friends. If the guy my wife was EVER a "Friend", he would have made himself known to me, or if his intentions were on the up-and-up it seems he would have made sure we were introduced, same thing goes for my wife for sure.
I remember seeing his face on Myspace, long before FB was ever around, and his posts on her page there, was always using terms like "sweetie", etc. What man does that to a married woman? What married woman accepts it and gleans an ego-boost from it? Geez....
You wonder sometimes what this OM has done between the time your wife knew him in high school and now, 25 years later. Ever see the Stepfather? 
And for myself, to have to step out of the picture and entrust my D9, in the hands of this suddenly whacko stbxw, and any involvement she may have further with the OM, is very chilling for me.


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

Lol....we're married and still aren't "friends" on each others FB.

Good for you. Be done with her.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I defriended.. and blocked my STBXH and all of his family. I didnt want the triggers of what he was doing to effect me and my moving on. So good on ya.. maybe block her. that way you wont be tempted to still hop on her page and check out whats going on. And she wont be able to do the same.


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## mmiller1234576 (May 3, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> l I wonder sometimes if the Man-Code is just a figment of the imagination. Wasnt there a time when men (and not to remove blame from my wife by any means) but when men had a sense of honor towards one another, knew the boundaries they must keep amongst their own group of friends.



Man-code is dead and has been dead for years in my opinion. I remember when it meant something. What ever happened to the days of "Off Limits" before, during and after the relationship between friends SO.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

mmiller1234576 said:


> Man-code is dead and has been dead for years in my opinion. I remember when it meant something. What ever happened to the days of "Off Limits" before, during and after the relationship between friends SO.


it died because there are no consequences. Back in the day, messing with another man's relationship was a guaranteed ticket to the world-series of a$$-whoopin'... Of course i still think that way; But now I know not to leave bruises


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I Zapped the FB friendship really fast. Why would you torture yourself?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

morituri said:


> Which of the following better describes a wife who's having an affair?:
> 
> WINO: WifeInNameOnly
> 
> ...


Haha, love this! So does that mean I have a HINO or a HOPO?! Not sure which I like better. 




ing said:


> I Zapped the FB friendship really fast. Why would you torture yourself?


:iagree: He deleted me first, but I'm so glad. I blocked him and OW. Can't torture myself.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I un-friended my ex-BFF. We knew each other since we were 9. We went through EVERYTHING together, we were inseperable.
He married a (and I'm not sorry to say this) fat, disgusting, control-freak of a wife, she has isolated him from EVERYONE from his past. I only talked to him twice in the past 10 years, and I had to initiate.
This past December, I find out that he was in the hospital after being jumped and severely beaten, and I had to find out through a friend of a friend's friend-he couldn't tell me himself.

Well, I said some things that were unforgivable, and un-friended him.

Do I wish I hadn't? Sometimes. Do I miss him? Yes.

But the point is, he lost me years ago, just like your W lost you, and I still feel good that I erased him.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Aren't we evolved. My father's parents came from a culture where if you messed around and got caught you and the ***** you rode LEFT the shetl never to return. Many people changed their identities out of shame.


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