# Is it ever just "meh"



## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Guys I'm wondering if after several years with the same women you just get to the point where it is just not exciting anymore?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I am sure it would if you keep it vanilla for the whole relationship. I am with my wife for 14 years and she is pretty open to trying new things.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

My answer is "sometimes". While I still have great desire for my wife, there are some medical and relationship issues which are currently holding us back.

Working on getting the medical addressed and personally as getting a hold of my end of the relationship issues.

Where we end up should be good. Or it won't be.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When it gets routine then yes, it gets meh


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

I don't think so. It's different, but whatever you lose in the excitement of newness you make up for with trust, comfort, and bonding.

I think back to the casual sex I had before I met my wife and compare it with marital sex. With my wife, it's an order of magnitude better. (It doesn't hurt that she's adventurous and a little freaky.) I mean, after 17 years, the shiny newness should be worn off. But having a real partner who can read your moods, who knows how to touch you, who knows your body almost as we well as you do - that still makes it exciting. I don't find it boring in the least, and frankly, if I had to start over on someone new, I'm not sure I'd bother.

Hard to get a consensus answer on this one. Every guy is different, YMMV. What does your guy say to you?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Nah. We're too wild for it to get boring.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Nah. We're too wild for it to get boring.


I am getting there


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Yep!! It does I've been there  it sucks I'm getting out of the rabbit hole now, but for almost a year I found myself really bored sexually.

Felt like we had done it all 10x over. Toys, role playing, positions, lotions, there was nothing else we could do we hadn't already done at some point.

I can focus too much, so now It's more just being with her not having crazy gorilla monkey sex hanging from the banisters.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Novelty is key.



> In one 2012 study researchers reported women's desire dropped each month they were in a long-term relationship, suggesting that despite stereotypes of women as commitment-hounds, female sexuality is heavily dependent on novelty.


Some people manage to avoid this tendency, of course, even if they don't do much to pursue novelty, but it is a real problem. I think the same problem applies to men. So, it makes sense for both partners to make an effort to keep things interesting or face the consequences.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Novelty is key.
> 
> 
> 
> Some people manage to avoid this tendency, of course, even if they don't do much to pursue novelty, but it is a real problem. I think the same problem applies to men. So, it makes sense for both partners to make an effort to keep things interesting or face the consequences.


I believe I read that article. I also read that after 2 years of marriage a woman's sex drive decreases as she no longer feels that she is being sought after. 

The whole element of the chase appears to have a huge impact on a woman's libido.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

What does your guy say to you?[/QUOTE]

Not necessarily an issue. I'm a woman I tend to read into things too much 

But I guess I'm curious if I'm wasting my time seducing a man whom perhaps isn't all that aroused by me anymore. 

Now, there really is no indication that he is not intrigued. But I'm curious to know if once you've been around the block umpteen times you just get so familiar with it it bores you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> But I'm curious to know if once you've been around the block umpteen times you just get so familiar with it it bores you.


Erm, no, I still get horny so meh

I just need to be triggered


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Erm, no, I still get horny so meh
> 
> I just need to be triggered


Are you just physically needing a release or does your wife still get you revved up?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Both, I just get turned off when it becomes a chore/duty/expectation/DEMAND


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Both, I just get turned off when it becomes a chore/duty/expectation/DEMAND


If your wife seduces you, do you think she is setting an expectation on you?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If she pulls off a hot tease... no way


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Personally l have always found that side of things very hard.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> Personally l have always found that side of things very hard.


Sorry what are you referring to?


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

Hubby and I were just talking about this on Saturday night, after another passionate encounter, and we were saying that it is still great after 20 years, it has never been boring, not for us anyway. We have never felt the need to make things more extreme, threesomes, BDSM, backdoor and all that nonsense, we have never found it necessary to stretch the boundaries.

Sex is one of life's pleasures to be enjoyed, and indulged in. I really enjoy a nice cup of tea, I have several nice cups of tea every single day of my life, I never tire of a nice cup of tea, tea is one of my pleasures, as it sex with my husband, there is nothing "meh" about it, it is lovely


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think it's really a state of mind .

If you have a career that you're passionate about ,even thought there may be dull moments , you look forward to the good times because it's not just financially rewarding, it's emotionally rewarding.

Living with the same partner over a long term period is like that.
Passionate about each other , then even the " meh" times still feel good, and the good times are always great and worth looking forward to.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

RedRose14 said:


> I really enjoy a nice cup of tea, I have several nice cups of tea every single day of my life, I never tire of a nice cup of tea, tea is one of my pleasures,


Funny,
I feel the exact , same way about money....:rofl:

( Enjoy your mid - morning tea break Red.)


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> Sorry what are you referring to?



The same women thing .


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think it's really a state of mind .
> 
> If you have a career that you're passionate about ,even thought there may be dull moments , you look forward to the good times because it's not just financially rewarding, it's emotionally rewarding.
> 
> ...



Yep , l think that's the essence Cman.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think it's really a state of mind .


I read somewhere that only boring people get bored...


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I get the sense that if you have a healthy strong relationship in and out of the bedroom things generally remain that way. However, if one spouse is feeling neglected the grass could look greener elsewhere.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I always thought that I would start looking elsewhere when my sexual needs have not been satisfied. However, I have not. Has it become, “Meh”? In a way, yes. The grass is not necessarily looking greener. It is more like I do not care that the grass is there or not.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> I get the sense that if you have a healthy strong relationship in and out of the bedroom things generally remain that way. However, if one spouse is feeling neglected the grass could look greener elsewhere.


In answer to your first question I'd say, 'sure, at times'. But, as long as that 'meh' feeling isn't allowed to stick around. I think you hit the nail on the head with your post above. My wife and I have an extremely healthy and strong relationship outside the bedroom. That hasn't always stopped things from slowing down in the bedroom. But, things are picking up in that department. And, she said sex has never been better. It ebbs and flows at times, but I agree with you that if it's strong outside it will generally be strong inside.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

I think that this is a great thread... I know I still love having sex with my wife, but I don't know that I would say I get revved up. I believe that lust goes away for most after a while. 

The anticipation and chase makes the deed that much more exhilarating! 

The worst for this is the scheduled sex. If you have to schedule it, it will not be amazing. For it to be amazing for me, it needs to be spontaneous.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

The appropriate follow up question is how you get past that effectively. 

It is a question that may have no good answer.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Well I haven't reached a meh point personally regarding my H. But I sure would like to avoid it ever happening on both our parts.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

I guess keeping it spontaneous is probably the biggest key. Tat makes you feel really desired. When you are scheduling and waiting, it seems much more like duty sex.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Well I haven't reached a meh point personally regarding my H. But I sure would like to avoid it ever happening on both our parts.


Your own self-awareness if probably the best defense against that outcome. So keep communicating. If you're hot for H and still want to jump him, keep demonstrating it in no uncertain terms (via his LL or whatever method you find works for you).

If he feels loved and respected, the odds of him getting bored are much diminished.

ETA: And if you find it getting "meh" on your end, step back and assess the situation with unbiased eyes. Be honest, with him and yourself.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I think some chase from both sides is needed to keep each other knowing that they are "wanted".


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> What does your guy say to you?


Not necessarily an issue. I'm a woman I tend to read into things too much 

But I guess I'm curious if I'm wasting my time seducing a man whom perhaps isn't all that aroused by me anymore. 

Now, there really is no indication that he is not intrigued. But I'm curious to know if once you've been around the block umpteen times you just get so familiar with it it bores you.[/QUOTE]

definitely not. sure, it is more available - sex, that is - but doesn't mean boring


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

tracyishere said:


> What does your guy say to you?


Not necessarily an issue. I'm a woman I tend to read into things too much 

But I guess I'm curious if I'm wasting my time seducing a man whom perhaps isn't all that aroused by me anymore. 

Now, there really is no indication that he is not intrigued. But I'm curious to know if once you've been around the block umpteen times you just get so familiar with it it bores you.[/QUOTE]

If you're even a 10th of how open sexually you seem to be there is no way it will ever be just "meh" for him. Even if he doesn't show it my bet is he's always happy to see you.:rofl:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I actually have to study other people to find problems in these areas. I am possibly to primitive to think deeply about lack of excitement with a long term partner
Mrs.Conan has been chased and ravaged by me for 22 years and since the kids moved out it has only gotten worse.
I currently have a nasty head cold and Mr.happy sprang to life last night from just looking at my wife. I do fantasize about the Mrs in various states of getting the hell banged out of her almost every day, so maybe my excitement level is being prepared all the time
I honestly can't remember a day when I haven't been mentally violating her many times. Smiles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I actually have to study other people to find problems in these areas. I am possibly to primitive to think deeply about lack of excitement with a long term partner
> Mrs.Conan has been chased and ravaged by me for 22 years and since the kids moved out it has only gotten worse.
> I currently have a nasty head cold and Mr.happy sprang to life last night from just looking at my wife. I do fantasize about the Mrs in various states of getting the hell banged out of her almost every day, so maybe my excitement level is being prepared all the time
> I honestly can't remember a day when I haven't been mentally violating her many times. Smiles.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love that! Thanks for sharing.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

What does 'meh' stand for???


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

silentghost said:


> What does 'meh' stand for???


Indifference or boredom


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Well... after 25 years with wife... I imagine it would be pretty easy to go meh.

But you get out what you put into it. If your attitude is 'meh' then that is what you get. If your attitude is 'hey baby c'mover here and lemme lay a little lovin' on you.' (in a voice like Barry White) then that too is what you get.

Seems to me the biggest complainers about a flat or broken sex life are the ones that are fixated on specific things they require or simply are going in with a bad attitude or expecting something 'from' their partner rather than what should be more akin to a dance than a performance or the mechanics of it.

For us, sex has become less about specific things we need to 'get each other off' and more about being close in bed (or wherever)... and laying wrapped up together naked and just giving ourselves up to the scents and feelings and bliss of making love. Its time we spend together to forget about everything else in the world and its just the 2 of us. It doesnt have to be on an ever escalating upward spiral of newness or kink or whatever sometimes that is exhusting too - and then again sometimes its on the menu.

'25 years of eating the same bologna sandwich'? Yeah I have heard that too. If you think that way - I say you are doing it wrong maybe.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> Well... after 25 years with wife... I imagine it would be pretty easy to go meh.
> 
> But you get out what you put into it. If your attitude is 'meh' then that is what you get. If your attitude is 'hey baby c'mover here and lemme lay a little lovin' on you.' (in a voice like Barry White) then that too is what you get.
> 
> ...


That is a very insightful. Thanks for sharing.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Once we are going at it, sex is amazing for us probably 75% of the time. We are both in our early 50's, and frankly, as I look around at a lot of our friends who are close to our age (and even the younger ones), I would have to say that based on the "girl talk" my wife shares with me, our sex life is much better and more passionate than most of our friends.

That said, if she was more willing to initiate/seduce me, I think that would really crank up the hotness factor for me.

About 2 weeks ago, she came home from work early on a Friday (I work from home), went up to our bedroom, took a bath - and got herself off several times with the tub faucet, based on her moaning and groaning - and invited me upstairs, where she proceeded to have her way with me. Whenever she pushes me down and straddles my face, I know she is really hot and bothered. That drives me crazy every time!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

silentghost said:


> What does 'meh' stand for???


<--- Have a look at my cat


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I actually have to study other people to find problems in these areas. I am possibly to primitive to think deeply about lack of excitement with a long term partner
> Mrs.Conan has been chased and ravaged by me for 22 years and since the kids moved out it has only gotten worse.
> I currently have a nasty head cold and Mr.happy sprang to life last night from just looking at my wife. I do fantasize about the Mrs in various states of getting the hell banged out of her almost every day, so maybe my excitement level is being prepared all the time
> I honestly can't remember a day when I haven't been mentally violating her many times. Smiles.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes this is me too, perhaps too a slightly lesser extent. But I'm horny nearly all the time. I'm ok for 24 hours after sex, any longer than that starts to get uncomfortable.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> <--- Have a look at my cat


You shouldn't be showing others your cat. Isn't that against TAM rules?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I honestly can't remember a day when I haven't been mentally violating her many times. Smiles.


:iagree:

I don't know if she'd be turned on or appalled if she could read my mind.

Probably both


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

tracyishere said:


> You shouldn't be showing others your cat. Isn't that against TAM rules?


I'm an exhibitionist, what can I say?


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