# Partner refuses to accept explanations



## Em-b's Bloke (Oct 12, 2010)

Hi, I'm new here!

I have been in a relationship with someone whom I love very much for just over six months now and recently I moved in with her and her children.

I suffer from ED although this has never been a problem in this relationship until a fortnight ago because I was taking a prescription drug which worked wonders. I was working away a lot at first so when I went over her place on my days off, I would pop a pill and we'd have a lot of fun! :smthumbup:

However, after 3 months my work ended as I knew it would as it was only seasonal work and we agreed we'd give it a shot at living together. Almost overnight things became a bit different; initially in our relationship I would take stuff she said the wrong way and she would be apologetic. This seemed to happen every now and then the whole time I worked away, but since I've moved in I feel that sometimes it's now her that takes things wrongly and refuses to see reason when I try to re-explain what I mean?

Anyway, a fortnight ago we were having sex for the 2nd time that day and I was tired and so couldn't finish. She had no problem with this but because I have suffered from ED for years and have only recently been taking Cialis (around 4 months), I have since had trouble "performing". I was originally on the as and when version of the drug but a month ago (almost exactly to the day) I tried the one a day version. It had been totally successful although I did have doubts as to it's potency because the one a day is only 5mg compared to the PRN which was 20mg. Anyway, it failed once and I have held a grudge since. I have stopped taking it and today went for NLP treatment as an alternative to the drug.

The downside is that I have been ridiculously stressed about this because our sex life is extremely important to me. I have always been totally honest with her right from the off and she was aware of my ED problem pretty much as soon as we began having sex because I believe in honesty. She had no problems with this, but then why should she? The drug had never failed and I was performing better than I did when I was in my twenties lol!!

Now however she realises that it is a problem and has become stressed too. I was so wrapped up in my own dilemma that I never stopped to think that she may be hurting too and all this came out yesterday. She said some things, most of which I took on board but the one thing I couldn't deal with was a comment that she "wasn't prepared to sign up to a life of no sex". This kind of spelled out to me that if this problem didn't resolve itself we would be finished eventually. I was floored because even though I wouldn't expect her to remain in a sexless relationship, it hurt like hell to hear it.

She apologised later, explaining that her timing wasn't great (we'd attempted sex that afternoon but it failed) and I took this on board and positively told her that we'd get through it and that if the NLP didn't work I'd go back to PRN Cialis. Later on though I said (whilst in bed) that I felt that she should touch me more because our foreplay is sort of non-existent? I asked her if it would be too much to ask that she take the initiative more and express her love for me in romantic ways, as I always send her flowers in work, do romantic things and show her that I love her as well as tell her like every 10 minutes! Anyway, she took it wrong and is upset with me. She also complained that when she asked me how it was with my ex-wife, I told her I didn't need the pill because the sex between her and me wasn't anywhere near as important so I didn't put the same pressure on myself to perform? My ED is psychological and I get freaked at the thought of not being able to perform in this relationship so now I'm failing; I really wasn't that bothered in my marriage and so ED wasn't such a problem. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, she's barely talking to me now and I feel like she doesn't want to be with me. I've felt like this a few times since I moved in because she has this coldness that I've only ever really experienced when a relationship is ending?

I don't know what to do, I love her and want to be with her but I feel like she wants to punish me when I clumsily say something that she misinterprets.

Sorry for rambling


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## crikey101 (Oct 22, 2010)

hi wow sounds very full on your not rambling your just venting i can understand your frustration,it does sound like you put way to much pressure on yourself,and that seems to be causing you even more dramas,you haven't been with your women for very long and you have moved in with her etc...which could maybe be another cause to the problems maybe things would work better for you if u moved out and went a bit more casual, well i know what its like being with someone who is cold,i think asking for more foreplay is a good thing that could totally help you both out, sex is a big part of a relationship and if your partner has kids maybe she is also stressed from that to plus she is getting used to having you around,but you both sound like you need to sit down and have some time together were you can both talk,and find a solution.that may work for you both.but it does have to be a two way thing she does have to come on board to try and work it out other wise it will be you doing all of it which it does sound like your trying to do


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