# Just don't know what to do



## kris8675309 (Oct 15, 2011)

Hi, first let me introduce myself, My name is Kristin, I'm 27 and work as a mental health counselor. My husband is 23 and is a nurse. We married in June 2011.

We met in January 2010 and began dating instantly, I thought I was so lucky. He is my bestfriend, we talk about everything and have the same taste in books, movies, sports etc. Our relationship had its rocky moments in the begining, his mother has never liked me nor wanted to develop a relationship with me(he's an only child of a very italian family). One week before our wedding we were at a friends house and he fell asleep, his phone started buzzing and to prevent it from waking him up I went to turn it off. When I touched it all of his text messages came up. Including some between him and a female coworker of his. They were very inappropriate and I freaked out. He was very contrite and promised that nothing physical had happened. We had an emergency session in premarital counseling and I forgave him. 

Last month I was sending an email to our real estate agent and discovered that he had responded to a personal ad on craigslist. He claims it was a joke and has apologized and stated it won't happen again. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I can completely trust him, when this first happened I felt like there was this little voice inside me screaming for me to forgive and trust him, this time the voice is only a whisper. I have dreams about him cheating on me and wake up in cold sweats. 

The thing about this that pisses me off the most is, he pushed for marriage, why did he push for it and now act like this?

Any tips?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You should start marriage counseling regularly. Personal ads on Craigslist aren't jokes.

You should also start snooping on him. Put keylogger software on your PC to track the websites he uses, his Facebook, and email messages. If he has a smartphone, put spyware on his phone to view his text messages and perhaps track his goings via GPS. Also, put a voice-activated recorder under the seat of his car to record his phone calls.

Look at your phone bills to see if he's calling/texting one number regularly that you can't explain (weird times, not work, etc.). Also, look at credit card statements for memberships on dating websites, hotel bills, etc.

Hopefully, nothing has gotten physical yet. But you have to protect yourself and try to find out exactly what he's doing.


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## kris8675309 (Oct 15, 2011)

We have always had an open policy regarding all passwords for emaik and facebook. He doesn't mind if I check his phone, but I don't know how to put the spyware on his phone, without him knowing. We are on separate phone plans and I don't have access to his account. I have control of all our credit cards and have email notification sent to my phone anytime our bank account card is used. Where do you by a VAR? Are they very expensive? I will be making us an appointment to begin counseling, I don't know why I've put it off for so long. Maybe because I, as a counselor, did not want to admit I NEED help with my marriage. 

Thanks for the tips and advice, mostly, thanks for listening.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I suggest very strongly you get your mge. annulled

Obviously you didn't know him as well as you thought, and what you have actually married, is an immature, irresponsible baby, who has no idea what mature love, and being properly married is all about, along with taking his vows to be meaningless

You are a big girl, you know what your future is with this guy, you were given a major warning before you got married, that he was a dufus, and you ignored it

Its your life, either end this farce, you have for a mge., with this immature child, or live in misery----

You know what the proper answer is, you have never needed any advice---your future is up to you

Either get well, and be happy, or live in misery


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

The writing is on the wall here...

1. Monitor him closely 
2. Trust but verify
3. Trust your gut.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Geoffrey Marsh said:


> The writing is on the wall here...
> 
> 1. Monitor him closely
> 2. Trust but verify
> 3. Trust your gut.


:iagree:

This is a bad sign this early into the marriage.


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