# Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?



## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Okay... I’m at a crossroad right now. If you guys have read my previous thread you know that I’m going through a separation, my wife is considering divorce, and she wants to file next month. Here is the gist of my situation:


-Got kicked out of my house because my wife needed space and time to think about where our relationship was going
-I’m now living at her Moms…
-Wife has nothing left to give in this relationship
-I’m still fighting for our marriage _(well just recently I’ve been slowly giving up hope for reconciliation although that would be the best case scenario)_
-About a month and a half ago I saw a text from a co-worker come through her phone that said _*“Muah”*_ I thought nothing of it and deleted it from her phone, but this definitely sparked my curiosity and attention
-I then installed a text tracker on her phone to see if there was anything going on
-About 3 weeks ago I discovered text messages from her co-worker, which in my eyes would be inappropriate _(it would be inappropriate for any significant other to see)_. Basically he would attempt to make some sort of comment to her and she would allow it. For example him asking that he would like to *“see”* our house or asking about what time she would be in the shower, or even worse her saying _*“Do you want to stay over? ”*_ since they both knew that I was going to be gone on vacation that week. He also wanted to meet her for a_* “hug” *_(Really!?), which she refused.
-So I immediately came home and asked to see her phone, she already deleted most of the text messages from him so I knew something was going on. If I hadn’t come home, who knew how much further their texts would’ve gone or what they would’ve done. I confronted her about why she would do such a thing and her only response was “Because I like the attention.” Well this is not what a wife should be doing; I don’t care what our situation may look like, it’s just *NOT* right (Hopefully you all agree).
-After I was done arguing with her, I called him from her phone to see if he would answer her call differently, which he didn’t. I immediately started yelling at him for a whole 6-7 minutes stating that it was not right for him to make any of those comments/advances to her. Just because she’s *“emotionally hurt”* it doesn’t give him the right to stand in; I’m still her husband until the marriage has dissolved and I will fight for her. He explained that it was simply just friendly conversation and that he was just trying to be a friend and to try to keep her mind off of everything _(I called bull**** on that)_. He said if it made me feel better that he wouldn’t contact her on a personal level, just strictly professional.
-Since these incidents she factory reset her phone and I lost my ability to see what’s going on
-Most recently I checked our *“dirty drawer”* and found that from our* 10 pack* of condoms there were only *7 left*. *We used one* a while back but didn’t really like it, she’s on BC so we never used them again, the other two *“mysteriously”** disappeared*
-After finding out that 2 condoms were missing, I confronted her and this is our text transcript

Me: “I’m glad you had so much ‘fun’ with your boyfriend…”
Her: “Whatever. You don’t know what you’re talking about”
Me: “I’m not surprised that you would’ve done that” _(In the past she cheated on me twice and got pregnant by the first one…)_
Her: “I didn’t do anything… and honestly it doesn’t matter anyway. We are done and I’m filing for divorce as soon as I get back home.”
Me: “So you can f**k him without feeling guilty… got it”
Her: “I didn’t f**k anyone… but if I did I wouldn’t feel guilty.”
Me: “Such a WH*RE response…” _(I was about to bring up her past adulterers)_
Her: “Go f**k yourself! You’re nobody to me.”

So here we are… present day. I drafted up a letter to the OM’s girlfriend and wanted to know if it would be a good idea to reveal all this to her. I just want the OM’s GF to know what her BF has been texting to my STBXW.

I'm filled with rage and I wished all this would just go away.. 

Any advice would help out greatly!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Divorce is probably something that is warranted. She has a history of adultery and a child to prove it. So, you should let her go. 

As to outing the boyfriend. Sure, his girlfriend has a right to know what kind of interaction he has been having with your wife.

Stick to the facts. Only reveal what you know to be true and not so much what you think about him or her for that matter. Be logical and 'matter of fact'. If your letter seems like it's from a bitter man your wife's boyfriend will have no difficulty convincing her that you are indeed a lunatic. 

You could also suggest a face to face meeting for lunch at a public place to further clarify.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Divorce is probably something that is warranted. She has a history of adultery and a child to prove it. So, you should let her go.
> 
> As to outing the boyfriend. Sure, his girlfriend has a right to know what kind of interaction he has been having with your wife.
> 
> ...


Sorry I should've clarified the first pregnancy. She got an abortion, then about a year later we got pregnant with our beautiful son 

I'm going to wait until tomorrow to send her the message and I will suggest if we could meet to ease her mind.

Thanks for responding


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## Furious George (Nov 14, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> Okay... I’m at a crossroad right now. If you guys have read my previous thread you know that I’m going through a separation, my wife is considering divorce, and she wants to file next month. Here is the gist of my situation:
> 
> 
> -Got kicked out of my house because my wife needed space and time to think about where our relationship was going
> ...


How exactly did you get kicked-out? Why couldn't she go to her mother's house? I think it was just easier to have her affair when you weren't there. I'm afraid this one won't end well, especially with the prior affair. I hope I'm wrong, and sorry you are here.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Furious George said:


> How exactly did you get kicked-out? Why couldn't she go to her mother's house? I think it was just easier to have her affair when you weren't there. I'm afraid this one won't end well, especially with the prior affair. I hope I'm wrong, and sorry you are here.


She needed her space and asked me to move out. I should've fought it and asked her to reconsider but I didn't. She could've went to her mothers house but I didn't want her to go through that. I've always thought that since it happened before why wouldn't it happen again. Some people just don't change...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My gawd! Talk about rugsweeping!

She is a very entitled woman.

Hate to mention this, but DNA tests for your children?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> My gawd! Talk about rugsweeping!
> 
> She is a very entitled woman.
> 
> Hate to mention this, but DNA tests for your children?


Yeah... I'm learning the hard way and realize that I should'nt have done things the way I did... :banghead:

That has run across my mind, but I know without a doubt in my mind that our son is mine


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## Furious George (Nov 14, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> She needed her space and asked me to move out. I should've fought it and asked her to reconsider but I didn't. She could've went to her mothers house but I didn't want her to go through that. I've always thought that since it happened before why wouldn't it happen again. Some people just don't change...


Take it from me, my friend, your good heart will be your biggest enemy as this unfolds. Unfortunately, you have to detach and understand this isn't the person you used to know. New game, new rules. You can do it.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Furious George said:


> Take it from me, my friend, your good heart will be your biggest enemy as this unfolds. Unfortunately, you have to detach and understand this isn't the person you used to know. New game, new rules. You can do it.


I know that now. I just hate to see how much she's changed and to think that this person, who you loved with all of your heart, would have the guts to just throw out a marriage and a life that I helped build (the house that we just bought, our beautiful family, etc.)

But yes, I'm ready to move on, it's just going to be a long process.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> Me: “I’m glad you had so much ‘fun’ with your boyfriend…”
> Her: “Whatever. You don’t know what you’re talking about”
> Me: “I’m not surprised that you would’ve done that” _*(In the past she cheated on me twice* and got pregnant by the first one…)_
> Her: “I didn’t do anything… and honestly it doesn’t matter anyway. We are done and I’m filing for divorce as soon as I get back home.”
> ...



cheated twice before. and is cheating now. that's the type of woman she is.

So, you know what she was and still is. Are you expecting her to change who she is? And why do you think she can or want to?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Forgot to add this on my first post. This past week I sent her an email that stated the "Reasons to reconsider Divorce". It centered around the affects that it could have on our son. My son is only 2 (turning 3 next month) and he's extremely intelligent. About a month ago we were at "her" house and he hears the garage door open and says "Ooo Mom's home.. (pauses and looks at me) Dad are you going home now?" This breaks my heart to hear him say this because he already knows that I don't live there and I'm sure he knows whats going on with our marriage.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

aug said:


> cheated twice before. and is cheating now. that's the type of woman she is.
> 
> So, you know what she was and still is. Are you expecting her to change who she is? And why do you think she can or want to?


I've never wanted to change her. I wish she would've changed for herself.. but looks like she would not even do that...


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

I'm confused here. 

Quote: "#4 -I’m still fighting for our marriage (well just recently I’ve been slowly giving up hope for reconciliation although that would be the best case scenario)"

She has cheated 3 times and you stated that reconciliation would be your best case scenario? Can you reasonably explain why? If you had a friend tell you that his wife cheated on him 3 times and he wanted to reconcile would you be confused as to that reasoning? Love only takes you so far and apparently your STBXW does not even know what real love is! 

Did you read what she wrote as her last line of text in the communication you sent? Her: “Go f**k yourself! You’re nobody to me.” She has clearly stated that you are nobody to her. Become that! Her "nobody" will become someone's very special somebody (some day soon) On to bigger and better my friend. 

I sure hope you get the closure you desire.


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## Furious George (Nov 14, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> Forgot to add this on my first post. This past week I sent her an email that stated the "Reasons to reconsider Divorce". It centered around the affects that it could have on our son. My son is only 2 (turning 3 next month) and he's extremely intelligent. About a month ago we were at "her" house and he hears the garage door open and says "Ooo Mom's home.. (pauses and looks at me) Dad are you going home now?" This breaks my heart to hear him say this because he already knows that I don't live there and I'm sure he knows whats going on with our marriage.


You have to remember that a hostile or dysfunctional home is much more destructive than a divorced home. My kids thought it was cool that they now have two houses...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> Yeah... I'm learning the hard way and realize that I should'nt have done things the way I did... :banghead:
> 
> That has run across my mind, but I know without a doubt in my mind that our son is mine


You get the DNA test to prove two things. Paternity? Yes. That's one of them.

The other thing the DNA test proves is how badly your WS has damaged your ability to trust anything they ever said or did throughout your entire marriage.


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## Furious George (Nov 14, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> You get the DNA test to prove two things. Paternity? Yes. That's one of them.
> 
> The other thing the DNA test proves is how badly your WS has damaged your ability to trust anything they ever said or did throughout your entire marriage.


As unpleasant as the thought is, I agree...


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

brokenhearted118 said:


> I'm confused here.
> 
> Quote: "#4 -I’m still fighting for our marriage (well just recently I’ve been slowly giving up hope for reconciliation although that would be the best case scenario)"
> 
> ...


I know... I need to get my head out of her a$$ and get my act straight. I'm contradicting myself... I can't explain why I would want to reconcile, maybe it's just the fact that I don't want to be lonely, but I know that there's a lot of fish in the ocean and my future relationships will (hopefully) be stronger after all this crap.

I will be a part of her life for our son, it'll be hard but I know that she'll realize that she lost someone real (I've heard this from many people that know me)


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Just sent the OM's GF the message. We'll see if I get a response...


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Furious George said:


> You have to remember that a hostile or dysfunctional home is much more destructive than a divorced home. My kids thought it was cool that they now have two houses...


That's another thing that I need to think about... How did you guys work out custody of your children?


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Move back into the house if you want a good outcome on custody. Wear a VAR on you at all times to protect against false DV charges. Go to dadsdivorce.com and read "The List" there. Those guys will help you maximize the time you get with your son. Good luck!


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## Furious George (Nov 14, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> That's another thing that I need to think about... How did you guys work out custody of your children?


We worked out an agreement, but we stiill had to get lawyers. We were able to do 50/50 since we live in the same town. We do get along, so that did help. It will save you $, and it takes the decision out of the judge's hands. It takes a great deal of self-control and balance, and you have to concede some things in order to get others. It's important to remember that she will most likely be involved in raising your child, so it's in everyone's best interest to get along as well as possible. Easy to say, very hard to do sometimes.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

scatty said:


> Move back into the house if you want a good outcome on custody. Wear a VAR on you at all times to protect against false DV charges. Go to dadsdivorce.com and read "The List" there. Those guys will help you maximize the time you get with your son. Good luck!


She will not allow me to even sleep in a different room of our house. She clearly stated that I would need to pay the utilities if I wanted to stay in that house while she was gone (which I do anyway, but this past month is different since I haven't spent any time there). Her and her mother have come to an agreement to have me stay at her mom's.. they both see eye to eye on this and think that it's best for me to stay away from the house. My brother-in-laws both asked today why I couldn't just stay at the house, my mother-in-law responds by saying "Because she pays the mortgage" and "You would need to ask her about that". We just recently bought this house back in October 2012. So I'm not even sure if we'd be able to sell the house since it doesn't even have any equity.

I just found "The List" and will read up on it. Just want to be prepared to fight for my son even though she agreed that we wouldn't fight for him and that we'd have Joint Custody. Honestly, I'm on alert and not taking her word for it because I don't know how dirty she's going to get with this whole divorce...


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Furious George said:


> We worked out an agreement, but we stiill had to get lawyers. We were able to do 50/50 since we live in the same town. We do get along, so that did help. It will save you $, and it takes the decision out of the judge's hands. It takes a great deal of self-control and balance, and you have to concede some things in order to get others. It's important to remember that she will most likely be involved in raising your child, so it's in everyone's best interest to get along as well as possible. Easy to say, very hard to do sometimes.


Glad that 50/50 worked out for you guys. I'm hoping that she stays true to her word when we discussed custody of our son. She said that she wants to do 50/50 but I don't know how much I can trust her (see my last post).

I want to keep our son out of this as much as possible and make it completely transparent to him.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> She will not allow me to even sleep in a different room of our house.


SHE WILL NOT *ALLOW *YOU?

No wonder she treats you like sh!t.

How can she respect you when you have no respect for yourself.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you got yourself a lawyer yet, because I think you are being set up by the mother and your cheating wife. You say they see eye to eye? Then why is the mother letting you live with her?

I bet you are being set up to loose custody but pay $$ to her
Get a lawyer ASAP and get fighting for your son.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> Sorry I should've clarified the first pregnancy. She got an abortion, then about a year later we got pregnant with our beautiful son


You sound pretty confident about that, so I guess you've got the DNA report in your hand.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

you need to seriously MAN UP and demand respect.

if your name is on the title then you need to move back into the house ASAP. f*ck living with your MIL. if she can't stand you there- TOUGH SH1T! 

you're pretty much enabling her behavior by abiding to her unrealistic demands.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How often is she bringing in her boyfriends to your old house, while your kid is in there?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Yeah I'm gonna move my sh!t back in this week. I'm tired of being stepped on and being treated like this, I'm on the house deed and I deserve to live there. She's already threatened me with a RO before when I refused to leave. Well she's gonna have to do it if she really wants me out of there.

I wonder if they schemed this whole thing from the start to get leveraged on the custody of my son.. if so I'm willing to PLAY BALL. I want to confronted her mom about this and ask her. Do you guys think its a good idea?

**Also quick update, I got a response from the OM's GF (shes pretty cute, lol just saying) and I'll be meeting her tomorrow to talk about it. She said "...it hurts to hear this, but it doesn't surprise me"


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Seriously see a lawyer.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> She's already threatened me with a RO before when I refused to leave.


i suggest you carry a VAR on you at all times whenever engaging her in any form of verbal communication.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Gonna talk to a lawyer or several lawyers today. Hopefully the OM's GF doesn't change her mind about meeting with me today.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Got to talk with the OM's GF. She was pretty upset but she wasn't surprised. We were both suspicious of their relationship from the start; I first met him about 3 years ago and there was something about him that I didn't like; she started dating him about 2 years ago and many of their arguments involved my STBXW. I gave her a copy of the text messages between them and let her review it, she was getting sick to her stomach just reading them. We were both on the same page, we knew that their relationship had something more.

She went home with the evidence, she brought it up to her BF and they argued and he said he was sorry. They eventually called up my STBXW together and they discussed it. The OM's GF says that they "agreed" to never contact each other for any reason. We both know that it's not going to happen.. There are so many other forms of communication other than texting, fortunately I have access to our phone bill so I can at least see if they've been calling each other (which over the past month there has been no calls).

About 30 mins after they got off the phone. My STBXW texts me "I understand why you met with her but please don't ruin my career. I hope that you got the closure you needed". I don't respond to this text. An hour later I get "We are really done and it has nothing to do with him so please move on". I don't respond to this either..

Hours later (about midnight my time, 9pm hers (she's at training)) she texts me "Tomorrow can we talk?" (I'm already in bed at this time), she then calls me about 30 minutes after I don't respond. I answer and we actually have a conversation, for the first time there is no arguing. I was half asleep but I remember our conversation. We talked about the house, we agreed that we'd probably need to sell it because neither of us would afford to live there on our own. We talked about custody of our son, 50/50. Overall I felt like this was good, we actually came to an agreement for once and made a bit of progress. She ends the call with "I'll call you tomorrow"

Today I get a call from her which I couldn't answer because I was in class. She leaves a voicemail saying "Hey, I was just calling you while I was on my break. But I will try calling you later. Bye." This was completely out of the blue, never once in the past two months did she call just to check on me or to even talk to me. The only reason she would call is if I had my son and she wanted to say "Hi" or "Goodnight" to him.

I guess we'll see what she brings up tonight when she call (if she calls)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And you aren't exposing it at her work why?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> And you aren't exposing it at her work why?


Well I have the OM's GF doing it. They're all in the military (not gonna say what branch) and this conduct is frowned upon especially with the roles that they have; they're leaders not kids. The OM's GF is planning on exposing it this weekend during drill, although she was hesitant on how she would even bring it up to the Chain of Command.

You guys have any ideas that I could forward to her? :scratchhead:


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> Well I have the OM's GF doing it. They're all in the military (not gonna say what branch) and this conduct is frowned upon especially with the roles that they have; they're leaders not kids. The OM's GF is planning on exposing it this weekend during drill, although she was hesitant on how she would even bring it up to the Chain of Command.
> 
> You guys have any ideas that I could forward to her? :scratchhead:


Yea...she could ask the Supreme Leader or whomever the OM reports to if being trustworthy is a trait that is needed in his job/position then go from there. Another variation would be if General Petraeus lost his job over his affair, why should those with a lessor rank go unpunished their careers?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> Yea...she could ask the Supreme Leader or whomever the OM reports to if being trustworthy is a trait that is needed in his job/position then go from there. Another variation would be if General Petraeus lost his job over his affair, why should those with a lessor rank go unpunished their careers?


Nice way to put it WLGTDWI  The OM and his GF talked about him not being able to go to her base if he needed something, he would have to send someone else. That's another good thing is that they don't work at the same base. That is true regarding Gen. P., at this point I'm feeling spiteful and really don't care if she loses rank or gets some kind of punishments for their behavior.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

She is being reasonable because she is finally FINALLY afraid of what she might lose. (hint: it isn't you) She wants her career and name to be unsullied.

So she is FINALLY pouring oil to still the waters. She suddenly sees you as something to NOT treat with contempt.

But...too bad. Because when GF puts this out there, her career will be just as destroyed and she will be TOTALLY enraged.

So be prepared for that.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your plight, Misdemeanor! But it should be painfully apparent to you by now that you are, indeed, married to a serial cheater.

Like you, my marriage met it's demise by my wealthy STBXW ordering, then moving me out of our home. I thought that she was having a mental meltdown, but soon found out that she was having dual affairs with men from her past, all while I was living in the house with her totally unaware of any of her escapades. She just wanted me out so she could have her playpen more accesible to her OM without my knowledge of it!

Sorry about your situation, but you've come to the right place here at TAM.

You should now execute "the 180" against your cheating wife, and beat her to the punch in filing for the divorce. Also, disclose to her CO~ they seem to take a rather dim view of that kind of behavior in the military! You deserve so much better, Sir! And you'll be the better man for doing this!

We're here to help you, Misdemeanor, just as your presence and heartfelt advice might come to help some other hurting person. You'll remain in my prayers!


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



JCD said:


> She is being reasonable because she is finally FINALLY afraid of what she might lose. (hint: it isn't you) She wants her career and name to be unsullied.
> 
> So she is FINALLY pouring oil to still the waters. She suddenly sees you as something to NOT treat with contempt.
> 
> ...


Her career is EVERYTHING to her right now. But I honestly don't care since she's ruined my life multiple times, I was just too blind and now I'm seeing the light. I'm finally standing up for myself!


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Update: I text her "How was your day?" She replies "it was ok... Pretty stressful though.." I ask, "Training stress?" She says, "No.. about what kind of trouble I'm gonna get into with this whole thing with [OM].. but whatever happens I deserve, I'm sick of always fighting for my job" 

I'm pretty sure this is what she wants to talk to me about tonight. I'll keep you guys posted.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> Her career is EVERYTHING to her right now. But I honestly don't care since she's ruined my life multiple times, I was just too blind and now I'm seeing the light. I'm finally standing up for myself!


No it isn't, being with the OM is. She's chosen him over it and her marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> Update: I text her "How was your day?" She replies "it was ok... Pretty stressful though.." I ask, "Training stress?" She says, "No.. about what kind of trouble I'm gonna get into with this whole thing with [OM].. but whatever happens I deserve, I'm sick of always fighting for my job"
> 
> I'm pretty sure this is what she wants to talk to me about tonight. I'll keep you guys posted.


I'm guessing she's gonna fish for details of what's coming deservedly her way.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



Shaggy said:


> I'm guessing she's gonna fish for details of what's coming deservedly her way.


Yeah I'm sure she is. I'm just gonna keep my lips sealed. As they told me while I was in the service "Loose lips, sink ships"


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Record all phone convos from now on. Carry a VAR too. It doesn't take much to make an accusation stick.

Is the OMs gf in the service too? If so, she should go to his CO or first sgt through her CO. Chain of command is a biggie in the military.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



walkonmars said:


> Record all phone convos from now on. Carry a VAR too. It doesn't take much to make an accusation stick.
> 
> Is the OMs gf in the service too? If so, she should go to his CO or first sgt through her CO. Chain of command is a biggie in the military.


Yeah, I need to pick up a VAR. 

All parties involved are in the service. I haven't heard back from her yet but if she doesn't do it I will do it. Yeah I remember when I was in.. CoC sucks, nothing ever gets pushed through unless you go directly to the Big Dog himself


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Another update:
She texts me "I'm not gonna call tonight" I ask "Tired?" She says "Yes... And I don't want to say anything I'll regret" I say "It won't hurt anything" she says "Only my career.. you seem set on ruining it and plus your BFFs with my #1 enemy [OMs GF] who would love to see me fired. I have to be careful of what I say to you" I don't reply back (little smirk on my face)


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



arbitrator said:


> Sorry to hear about your plight, Misdemeanor! But it should be painfully apparent to you by now that you are, indeed, married to a serial cheater.
> 
> Like you, my marriage met it's demise by my wealthy STBXW ordering, then moving me out of our home. I thought that she was having a mental meltdown, but soon found out that she was having dual affairs with men from her past, all while I was living in the house with her totally unaware of any of her escapades. She just wanted me out so she could have her playpen more accesible to her OM without my knowledge of it!
> 
> ...


Thanks for those words Abitrator! Sorry it had to end like that for you and your ex.

I'm pretty motivated to actually take the 180 seriously, file first, and move on with my life. Karma is a *****, if she doesn't learn that now she will continue to fail at life. 

I keep everyone here in my prayers


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

When she says you are ruining her career, the reply to give is "no, I'm only telling the truth. It was you that chose to ruin it"


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

There's more.. but I'm so sleepy.. I'll update you guys on what happened. Stay tuned!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Does she know what evidence you have on her ? Someone advised her to keep quiet lest she starts confessing the affair during the talk. You were clever in how you confronted her. You did not tell her what you knew or what evidence you had. But could it be that there is another guy and she is fishing to see if you evidence on OM is all you have ?

You posted that she cheated twice. How did you find out the last 2 times?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Next time you talk to her, mention you're going to run a DNA test on her son.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

misdemeanor said:


> That has run across my mind, but I know without a doubt in my mind that our son is mine


Unless he has DNA tested his children no man knows "without a doubt" his offspring are his.
No man.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> Well I have the OM's GF doing it. They're all in the military (not gonna say what branch) and this conduct is frowned upon especially with the roles that they have; they're leaders not kids. The OM's GF is planning on exposing it this weekend during drill, although she was hesitant on how she would even bring it up to the Chain of Command.
> 
> You guys have any ideas that I could forward to her? :scratchhead:


You should be the one doing this, not her. She's not married to him so it's unlikely they'll care to even listen to what she has to say.

Exposure to the IG from the MB board.



Mortarman said:


> Melody, here goes on the exposure part with military members.
> 
> If one or both of the infidels are members of the military, you have a GREAT asset! Why? Because it is against the law to commit adultery. And their command can and will order them to cease and desist...and me even punish them!
> 
> ...


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> Does she know what evidence you have on her ? Someone advised her to keep quiet lest she starts confessing the affair during the talk. You were clever in how you confronted her. You did not tell her what you knew or what evidence you had. But could it be that there is another guy and she is fishing to see if you evidence on OM is all you have ?
> 
> You posted that she cheated twice. How did you find out the last 2 times?


She knows that I've been tracking her text messages for a period of time until she reset her phone.

The first time, I found out she cheated because she told me she was pregnant... she did get an abortion.
The second time was just out of spite and because she was leaving the state and moving back with her parents.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

3putt said:


> You should be the one doing this, not her. She's not married to him so it's unlikely they'll care to even listen to what she has to say.
> 
> Exposure to the IG from the MB board.


Wow! That is some great information! Thanks 3putt! As of this time, I do not have proof of adultery. All I have is them texting each other.. So I'm not even sure if this can have a pull on the IG or her CO.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

misdemeanor said:


> Wow! That is some great information! Thanks 3putt! As of this time, I do not have proof of adultery. All I have is them texting each other.. So I'm not even sure if this can have a pull on the IG or her CO.


You do not need proof to make an allegation. You place what information you do have in the hands of the investigators, then they seek out the proof
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

What about the OM's GF? Does she have proof?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Again, how good is the evidence you have ?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

OP,

You are really f'ing up here buddy:

1) Your marriage is (and was) toast for a very long time. Reconcilliation is not in the cards (and should not be in my mind). That means your approach should be to maximize you position post divorce. Ergo,

2) MOVE HOME! That is your house as well. You need to demonstrate that you are an active part of your childs life and that you haven't abandoned your family.

3) STOP MESSING WITH YOUR WIFE'S EMPLOYMENT. Seriously! You want her as economically well off as she can be. You don't want her fired and face spousal support. You may actually get some support depending on your situation.

4) Carry a VAR AT ALL TIMES!

5) Get with your lawyer and file for divorce and have her served ASAP. 

I am imploring you to get your head out of the smelly dark place and work your strategy to come out of this a whole as possible.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

I gave the OM's GF a transcript with their conversation. Like I said, I'm not sure if this evidence is good enough. I may need to talk their units Family Readiness Assistant (FRA) because the OM's GF did tell me that my STBXW did go to the FRA to tell her about the "feelings" she had towards the OM... So I may need to talk to the FRA and see if she recalls talking about this. (Keep in mind the FRA and my STBXW are friends. So it may be hard to get anything..)


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Please read my post above. Revenge is a bitter meal with a high price. Please get off the self destructive "I'll fix her" path


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Maybe you're right KanDo.. I don't want to hurt her career since I know how much she loves it and how hard she's worked to get where she is now.

I'm moving back home this week and staying there until she gets a court order to get me out. I haven't neglected my son one bit; when she's gone I take care of him at her mothers house.

I'm going to make some calls this afternoon to a few good lawyers that were recommended to me.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Just ordered a VAR from Amazon (Sony Digital Flash Voice Recorder (ICD-PX312))


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Damn attorney's are so expensive... I'm in the wrong line of work  Hopefully the one that offers a free consultation can give me some good advice and direction.

Gonna talk to my STBXW again tonight. I know she wants to be as amicable as possible throughout this entire process. And so do I, we've been through enough **** and have said some nasty things (i.e. Last night, she unleashed hell and said everything and anything that would hurt me. She did end up apologizing and regretting every word).

I'm thinking about doing it the economical way (if she agrees to my terms), since we're both pretty tight on money, and filing through Legal Zoom. Anyone file that way? Any issues?


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

your wife is being very calculating right now. her and OM ruin their respective family's lives, but don't want to pay the price(ruining of their careers). 

tough sh1t! they should've thought of this before dropping their pants for each other.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



cledus_snow said:


> your wife is being very calculating right now. her and OM ruin their respective family's lives, but don't want to pay the price(ruining of their careers).
> 
> tough sh1t! they should've thought of this before dropping their pants for each other.


I'd like to get a hold of her phone to 1) Browse her photos to see if she's taken any new "pictures" of herself. 2) Port over her number to Google Voice; that would've been the easier method to track her messages without her knowing. 

I need more proof of a relationship. I haven't heard from the OMs GF, I don't know if she's still going to bring it up to their CoC this weekend.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Move home man. Why delay it? She and her mother can't kick you out of your marital home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Exposing the truth... Is it a good idea?*



BrockLanders said:


> Move home man. Why delay it? She and her mother can't kick you out of your marital home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm doing that this weekend


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Happy Birthday to my son, he turned 3 yesterday. We spent the whole day together. 

I finally moved back into my house. Feels so weird living and sleeping here...


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