# Dating while separated



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Conversation starter... 

So many individual threads talk about individuals dating while separated (before D), maybe on this thread we can talk pros/cons of dating while separated. 

Reasons for?
Reasons against?
Other open ended questions?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dating while separated is not a good idea because you are still married.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> Conversation starter...
> 
> So many individual threads talk about individuals dating while separated (before D), maybe on this thread we can talk pros/cons of dating while separated.




Reasons for? *Lonliness, needing someone to talk and empathize with, companionship*

Reasons against?*In some jurisdictions, dating another person while still being married could jeopardize such things like child custody, alimony, or property settlements*

Other open ended questions?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It depends on the person. If the person is still emotionally vulnerable and needy, there is the danger that he/she will become involved in a rebound relationship and they seem to have almost the same shelf life as affairs. But if the person isn't looking for a serious relationship and simply enjoying meeting people of the opposite sex for platonic relationships, then dating can be a very rewarding and ejoyable experience for both.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

morituri said:


> It depends on the person. If the person is still emotionally vulnerable and needy, there is the danger that he/she will become involved in a rebound relationship and they seem to have almost the same shelf life as affairs. But if the person isn't looking for a serious relationship and simply enjoying meeting people of the opposite sex for platonic relationships, then dating can be a very rewarding and ejoyable experience for both.


Rebounds can last years tho. I was my H's rebound 24 years ago. He had just broken up with his g/f about a month before. Some people really don't want to be alone, and will settle.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Morally, I have no problem with dating before divorce. I guess Canada is more liberal about that kind of stuff. As long as R is slim I don't see a problem.

I agree that people need time to heal from previous relationships, and we all heal at different times. So it's important that the person is in the right head space for dating. As long as they know it's only casual, friendly, not serious. I wouldn't recommend sex early on either.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

what elegirl said! no dating while still married...it's just not conducive to a happy ending imo. there's a reason for the vows of marriage, even if your spouse breaks theirs.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

cabbage65 said:


> what elegirl said! no dating while still married...it's just not conducive to a happy ending imo. there's a reason for the vows of marriage, even if your spouse breaks theirs.



Exactly. Pretty much how I feel about it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Dating while separated is not a good idea because you are still married.


Totally in agreement with you, Elegirl! It's the principle of "until death do you part" or sadly enough in our society, until such time that the gavel falls in the courtroom for the final time! In fact, I am still wearing my wedding band and will continue to do so until the legal finality comes about.

I take the "no dating" stance primarily out of respect for the holy institution of marriage. It's just my primordial belief!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

WT, 
I agree Canada is much more liberal  than US esp southern US.

I agree w/ not dating until I know it's over. I was feeling very lonely and knowing he is moving on I was thinking... maybe... but only in fantasy (I guess visualizing). I have never been on a date as an adult except w/ my H! Is that insane or what?! Scary too. 

Let me off this roller coaster!!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I've thought about this a lot this week and despite the devastating news that my estranged H is in love with his co worker I have decided I will not be dating while we are still married.
I have looked on a few dating websites and thought that I might push myself into dating in order to hell me move on, but I just don't want to.
Despite everything I still live my H and hope for R so although I am going to try and move on in many other ways, I am not going to move on to another man for a long time.
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Totally in agreement with you, Elegirl! It's the principle of "until death do you part" or sadly enough in our society, until such time that the gavel falls in the courtroom for the final time! In fact, I am still wearing my wedding band and will continue to do so until the legal finality comes about.
> 
> I take the "no dating" stance primarily out of respect for the holy institution of marriage. It's just my primordial belief!


:iagree:

Nearing a year of separation, little to no thoughts of dating yet. Even though my mom and daughter (18) have already brought that possiblity (likely certainity in their eyes) more than once in the past year. I'm rebuilding the relationship with ME!


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I was foolish and thought I was ready to date/ fall in love. I ruined 2 friendships, but the story is a little more complicated than that. Another thing that exacerbated the problem was hearing a rumor my wife still loved me. That didn't pan out to be too much either.
In being so lonely I wonder if I ruined the possibility of R by saying I wanted to date. The whole thing is, she wanted out. I am tired of waiting on her though, D is around the corner since she doesn't want to get work on our relationship. Dear Christians, I am an Atheist and I take my marriage vows as serious as some of you do.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Agast84 said:


> I was foolish and thought I was ready to date/ fall in love. I ruined 2 friendships, but the story is a little more complicated than that. Another thing that exacerbated the problem was hearing a rumor my wife still loved me. That didn't pan out to be too much either.
> In being so lonely I wonder if I ruined the possibility of R by saying I wanted to date. The whole thing is, she wanted out. I am tired of waiting on her though, D is around the corner since she doesn't want to get work on our relationship. Dear Christians, I am an Atheist and I take my marriage vows as serious as some of you do.


Agast: I'd love to help lead you to Christ, but that is a road that we must all individually take at some point in our lives. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you!

But brother, I'm all with you in taking those marriage vows as seriously as you do. Best of luck to you. I pray that things will markedly get better for the both of us! Hang in there!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Agast: I'd love to help lead you to Christ, but that is a road that we must all individually take at some point in our lives. I


_Posted via Mobile Device_[

I'd appreciate the prayers too.....I really want my family back. I'm not well and I fear for my son.


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## smith9800 (Mar 7, 2012)

Dating while separated not works to a better life or future. If someone is separated then at least for some time, he/she must stay from these things..


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_[
> 
> I'd appreciate the prayers too.....I really want my family back. I'm not well and I fear for my son.




Sad... you don't even have to ask. You're in my prayers! May our Heavenly Father's presence continue to be with you, your son and your family and may He grant you the comfort and peace that you so richly deserve!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Sad... you don't even have to ask. You're in my prayers! May our Heavenly Father's presence continue to be with you, your son and your family and may He grant you the comfort and peace that you so richly deserve!


Thank you kindly for that. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

I was quite leery of dating while technically married because I often wondered what kind of woman would take a chance on a man who may suddenly reconcile with his wife. Needy is one word that comes to mind.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

chaos said:


> I was quite leery of dating while technically married because I often wondered what kind of woman would take a chance on a man who may suddenly reconcile with his wife. Needy is one word that comes to mind.


This was kind of my thought. I didn't want anyone to have this possibly happen to them.

I miss her less and less, thus I am tired of "marriage". I am going to get my life moving, after the D(depending on how things go, but it is looking like D 99%).


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## faithaqua (Nov 28, 2011)

Here's the thing too, when I was single, I would NEVER date someone who told me they were separated---too much drama, too much mess, too much leeway for me getting hurt. 
My estranged husband has women after him---I don't get that, he even tells people that he's no good at relationships, that he left because he's selfish...why must we continue to hurt ourselves?
of course, I still fantasize that he might come back or wake up and realize that he wants to be with me---and the insecurities of being the one who was left---ouch.
As far as I'm concerned, we are still married until the divorce is decided and then done.


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