# All most seperated for the 20th time, is this it???



## Dreamz (Jun 10, 2013)

Hello everyone, 

I came on here about 4 years ago... So I kind of know how it works. Hope everyone reading this is doing well. Just need a little confirmation with things. Its like I know what the deal is and I know what I need to do.. for the sack of me and my girls… but I don’t have the power to make it happened. I keep beating myself up… asking God why am I so weak and what is wrong with me. My friends and Family has no understand for what I have been going thru for over 13 years. 

Okay so to try and make a long story short and to the point of my life right now… me and my girls dad have been together for over 13 years (not married) we have a 13 year old little girl and a 3 year old little girl. My relationship with their dad is bad. He is a very controlling and abusive person. He has abused me about the whole time we been together. He has abused me physical, mentally and verbally etc. It really hurts to talk about all I have put up with when dealing with him cause it makes me feel very worthless… to allow a man to do this to me… and to this day I still love him. I ask myself is it love or am I scared? If you notice in my subject it states almost separated for the 20th time. We have broken up more times than I can count. Mostly done by me due to getting beaten. 

Okay so let’s start from the very last time we broke up can’t go back to fare we will be here forever. We got back together 12/2012 we broke up 9/2012 because he felt like it took me to long getting home from work and told me at the time I can leave his moms house which is where we was staying at that time. So I left and I went with my mom for about 2 weeks until I got my own spot. At that time he would question the girls about me him and his mom. Asking them do I have them around other man do I leave them in the house alone etc. I honestly don’t know why he thinks of me in such a nasty way. I can only think he thinks I would do such thing because when we break up I would have male friends that he has found out about. But never took it to the next level with any of these guys cause I wasn’t sure if me and him would get back together. 

During that time his mom watched my 3 year old while I worked. One morning on my way to his moms my tags was taking by the police due to dead tags the police did allow me to drive my care to his moms based on I was right there.. I had no way to work so he offered to make and from that day on we have been around each other. I was so upset with myself when he came back around and he knew it he could tell in my face and actions that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him.. cause I knew deep down inside it will never work. But I always wanted to raise my girls with their dad the way me and my sisters where raised. 

My 3 year old don’t even like for us to talk she starts crying if we are just talking about something she says daddy are you arguing with my mommy daddy leave please daddy are you mad.. Daddy I don’t want you to come to my house etc… it really hurts him and it hurt me.. to hear her talk like that… My 13 year old have seen so much but she never came out to say anything… all she say now is why you go back to him… why you keep doing this… 

So I’m going to jump a little cause I see this is getting to be too long to read. Their dad just start working 2 jobs one in the day time from 8-3 and another from 4-12pm. He just started the 6th. I also work 2 jobs and now that he works he will not be able to take me to my second job. So this Saturday I got off my job later then I normally do and he went off.. He start to threaten me start calling me out of my name.. *****es and ****s and more… told me I’m sneaky.. etc… My girls was at his moms house. .he told his mother to keep my 3 year old.. him doing that.. I know he was going to fight me… so I went to stay with my mom… for the night.. my 13 year old got in the car and said mommy don’t go home please daddy is looking for you… So I went to my mom’s…when I went home Sunday I notice he had got most of his things and will not answer any of my calls or texts. 

Just so confused… I ask god for the help to get me out of this relationship and when it happens I’m bitter/sweet… This man I been with for years don’t support me in any way.. He has brought my 13 year old a pair of shoes 1. He has never help me pay for a bill in my house… he has stayed with me when having his own apartment. However he end up losing his apartment 2012 due to not working. 

I have to let this man now my every move. I have to tell him when I get to work talk to him to I get her most of the time. tell him when I'm going to lunch and when I get back. It's been times I had to wake im up in the middle of the night when I had to use the bathroom. He thinks I wake up and do things while he is sleep this past Friday he woke up and smaked me he thought I was out side or something IDK he waks up looking out side and in the basement out the windows.. etc.. 

Just so confused with my life.. .right now…


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

get you and your children to a battered woman's shelter ASAP


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And get counseling to figure out why you keep going back for more of the same. 

If you think you're doing this for the kids, think about what it is that they're learning and experiencing. It's not healthy or normal for them. Would you want them to stay in a relationship like this when they're older? Because you're giving them the role model for what a marriage/relationship should be. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreamz (Jun 10, 2013)

Thanks for your Response... 

He left... and I feel he is not coming back. So me and my girls can stay at my house. 

I feel so betrayed... When he wasn't working and had nowhere to go but his moms where he didn't want to be I allowed him to come with me and my girls... when he came and we start back arguing so much I asked him to leave and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.. now that he is working and we had one argument he leaves without me asking him too now that he has a job 2 of them at that... smh

I know I should be happy I can now have a piece of mind.. and learn how to live my life without being told how too.. I feel a little sad.. I keep thinking about who he is with etc. 

I really want to do this... for the sake of my two girls... I need to show them what their mom went thru for years is not good.. I know I need to show an example and not just talking it. 

Why is it so hard... and all I have being doing is praying for this... day to come.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Hi Dreamz,

Here's an article by Chumplady about leaving an abuser. Maybe you'll find it helpful.

How To Leave a Scary Person


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## Dreamz (Jun 10, 2013)

Hello ThreeStrikes, 

Thank you, I'm going to read it now...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Change the locks. Dont allow him back. I cannot believe you were leaving your OWN HOUSE to stay with your mom. (or his) LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN!! They dont want him around! Respect that! If you lack the conviction to do it for YOU, do it for THEM.


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## Dreamz (Jun 10, 2013)

Hello 3Xnocharm, 

I did tell him I was going to do that... but I was talking out of being scared and anger, it's my mom... and I only stayed there that night... until he calm down.. My oldest was scared she didn't want to go home either. 

His mom enjoys this she tells him lies about me so he can stay upset with me. She always talking bad about me to my girls and him. 

My oldest just told me yesterday please do not text her daddy she don’t want him to come back...I really wanted us to raise out girls together. but I see that’s not possible... 

I'm changing my locks Sunday... I just wanted to give him a chance to get his stuff... 

The one thing that hurts me of thinking of him with another female... it hurts every time I think about it... cause we do have good times.. but we also have very bad times... 

Right now he will not even talk to me.. If he does he is talking to me with an attitude like he can't stand me.


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