# This is killing me



## crushed33 (Nov 11, 2008)

I have been with my boyfriend (not married yet) for almost 7 years now. We got together at a very young age. We have now lived together for 2 years. As of yesterday we are no longer together. 

Long story short. I was cheated on by him about 5 years ago, with a co worker of his. *no sex involved* we worked through that problem and moved on with our lives and things were wonderful after that UNTIL another girl at his work became closer to him. I never thought he did anything wrong with this woman BUT i always had this uncomfortable feeling about HER. Everytime he would talk to her or hang out with friends from his work I would be very uncomfortable, and I guess everytime it would show on my face. This casued major fights left and right

now as time has gone by,he has had the last straw of fights. We talked about it and he told me he cant go on any longer in out relationship as I don't trust him. I need to learn how to trust again.

I am now emotionally drained as I keep running this through my head. This is the love of my life the man I was suppose to marry and now we are done because of my jealousy.

I am now looking into working on myself, but it is very hard with this all on my mind. Im giving him is space to think and for me to think. 

WHAT SHOULD I DO?


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## ViaCi (Nov 12, 2008)

are you worried that infidelity will continue/escalate?
Once may be forgiveable, twice ... How far did it go the first time? COULD he have slept with her? WOULD he have if he hadn't been caught? Did you find out or did he confess?
It's a tough thing, but do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he's running around on you? If he were to sleep with someone else, it would not only be a terrible betrayal but also put your health at risk (STDs) - is that worth it?
When you talk about it, what does he say? Is his behavior generally inappropriate when he's in "tempting" situations? Have close friends or family noticed such behavior if that's the case?
You say you got together young - how young? Is your sex life generally good - for both of you?
Remember, wanting to forgive someone and being able to really do it are two different things. You can't MAKE yourself feel something you just can't - love, trust, forgiveness. And not being able to forgive something that big does not make you a bad person.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

crushed33 said:


> This is the love of my life the man I was suppose to marry and now we are done because of my jealousy.


Well, its not _just_ because of your jealousy. He cheated on you. sure it was awhile ago, but it contributed to this separation. 



crushed33 said:


> I am now looking into working on myself, but it is very hard with this all on my mind. Im giving him is space to think and for me to think.
> 
> WHAT SHOULD I DO?


that sounds like a good plan; to give each other some space. i have separated from my H for some time and it really helped me deal with my issues. its hard to deal with them when you have the other person constantly bringing up all those emotions.


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