# Asked For Divorce But Still Hasn't Filed



## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

My wife asked for a divorce. We have been separated for 2 months. We have been mrried for 16 years. We have 3 children. She seems ready to move on. I am no where near that point yet. I still love her and want her and my family. 

She is hanging out with (not sure to the extent) an old high school flame from 20 years ago. He has a very different life than I had. The problem is that right now she is enjoying that life but there is no room in his lifestyle for 3 kids. She is a great mother and I know she wouldn't turn her back on her children. Eventually that will be realized.

She said about 4 weeks ago she wants the divorce. She still has not filed though and says she is in no hurry to do that. Why? I am confused with that. If you don't love me anymore and you want the divorce then why not file?

I am beginning to think I am crazy for trying to hang on but at the sam time I am nowhere close to be ready to let go. At what point to I decide to file and move forward? Does this help with the healing or does it cause regret?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> My wife asked for a divorce. We have been separated for 2 months. We have been mrried for 16 years. We have 3 children. She seems ready to move on. I am no where near that point yet. I still love her and want her and my family.
> 
> She is hanging out with (not sure to the extent) an old high school flame from 20 years ago. He has a very different life than I had. The problem is that right now she is enjoying that life but there is no room in his lifestyle for 3 kids. She is a great mother and I know she wouldn't turn her back on her children. Eventually that will be realized.
> 
> ...


Are you still in the family home?

Are you still paying the bills?


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Are you still in the family home?
> 
> Are you still paying the bills?


I am not in the home, We are still in a joint account and paying for both households.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your wife is not a great mother 2 months ago if not longer she replaced her family....kids and all for another man.

She is in no hurry to divorce you cuz if the boyfriend doesn't work out she is counting on you to take her back. Hell she knows you'l take her back thats why she continues to behave this way.

The point you file is the point she asks to seperate. But since this hasn't happen she will continue to hang out with this bad boy and in time when she misses the security and stabilty you have to offer she will be back.

Your not crazy your just a bete, so I suggest you alpha up and file the divorce right now.


Wait a minuet here, before you stop reading, I understand you don't want to let her go, SO FAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once she has the perception of letting her go and she sees the divoce papers were you are asking for everything includding full custody of the kids, then maybe she will start to think twice in what she is about to lose.

Just maybe , before the D is finalized that she realizes that she need to start being this great mother you mention an drop the bad boy.

She's been walking on you for months cuz there are no consequences for her to stop.

Get it?

You don't have to let her go but you can scare the crap out of her!


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

the guy said:


> Your wife is not a great mother 2 months ago if not longer she replaced her family....kids and all for another man.
> 
> She is in no hurry to divorce you cuz if the boyfriend doesn't work out she is counting on you to take her back. Hell she knows you'l take her back thats why she continues to behave this way.
> 
> ...


OK First off, the story here goes much deeper. We are still very civil with each other. I am not threatening to take custody of the children. We have agreed to a 50/50 arrangement with them. I am not using my children as pawns for any reason what soever. 

She has not left the family for this guy. She is a great mother. I am not debating that on here. This is about a husband and wife, not a mother and father. 

Yes, I have issues with what is going on but our issues do not involve the kids other than they deserve to have a complete household as well.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> OK First off, the story here goes much deeper. We are still very civil with each other. I am not threatening to take custody of the children. We have agreed to a 50/50 arrangement with them. I am not using my children as pawns for any reason what soever.
> 
> She has not left the family for this guy. She is a great mother. I am not debating that on here. This is about a husband and wife, not a mother and father.
> 
> Yes, I have issues with what is going on but our issues do not involve the kids other than they deserve to have a complete household as well.


If you defended yourself as much you're defending your cheating wife, you wouldn't be in this position.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

keko said:


> If you defended yourself as much you're defending your cheating wife, you wouldn't be in this position.


I am defending my wife. I am defending the mother of my children. She is a great mother. 

I will put some of the story out there. Too long for the whole thing. Married for 16 years. 3 kids. day to day grind took a toll. We neglected to take care of each other while we made sure the household functioned. I worked FT and went to school FT. I left the household to her to run. She never complained and I never slowed down to check on her and take a pulse. She finally cried for help but I pressed on. After awhile that took a toll. I finally realized that toll and changed completely and took several things off her plate when I was done with school. It was too late to her. I have promised to change and I did. We almost separated and then decided to work it out. We were doing great. Then I was surprised with this decision. Neither one of us had cheated when we were married and living together. Again, I do not know the extent of what is going on with the other guy. I can assume and yes I have assumed the worst. 

The fact is, I am not here to destroy my wife and her repuation. I am not here to complain about her. I am looking for reasons to help me understand what is going on. Why hasn't she filed? Is there any hope for this? Should I figure out how to give up and move on? 

Yes, I could "man up" and walk away but that is not what I am looking for yet. I have 16 years invested in this relationship. 13 of those were the best years of my life. I don't hate her at all. I do still want her back. I will admit that.I am not walking away just to be a man and teach her a lesson.

Again, leave the mom part out. She is a great mother and that has nothing to do with this situation.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your the one that mentioned that your wifes new lifestyle with OM didn't involve the 3 kids.

So what I read was a women that is cheating on her husband and to make the guilt easier she asked you to move out and and to please her new boy friend she asked for a divorce.

Sure I'm reading between the lines and I'm sorry for that.

Sometimes it takes complete stranger to see throw the forest when the newbie is filled with emotional pain.

My wife wanted an seperation 2-1/2 years ago and I refused, sure she could have moved out but then her abandonment would have been mentioned in the divoce that *I* was filling. 

As I was helping pack that same day she told me she wanted to seperate she stopped me and said "this is not what I want" but.....she confessed to her affairs and the tough approach I took worked.

My point is my tough love approach worked for us and I see time and again work for other here. So please forgive me if my approach was less then helpful in your case.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing these kids are involved and I would be really realy really concerned who and what my kids were being exposed to.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> I am defending my wife. I am defending the mother of my children. She is a great mother.
> 
> I will put some of the story out there. Too long for the whole thing. Married for 16 years. 3 kids. day to day grind took a toll. We neglected to take care of each other while we made sure the household functioned. I worked FT and went to school FT. I left the household to her to run. She never complained and I never slowed down to check on her and take a pulse. She finally cried for help but I pressed on. After awhile that took a toll. I finally realized that toll and changed completely and took several things off her plate when I was done with school. It was too late to her. I have promised to change and I did. We almost separated and then decided to work it out. We were doing great. Then I was surprised with this decision. Neither one of us had cheated when we were married and living together. Again, I do not know the extent of what is going on with the other guy. I can assume and yes I have assumed the worst.
> 
> ...


She's a great mother? So she's going to teach the kids its OK to forget 16 years invested and run back to a an old flame?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lets keep this simple, I suggest you do some research on the OM, if you want to leave the mother aspect out then fair enough.

Some investigation work on your part might give you the direction you need. I mean I hear the pain....I was there, so believe me when I tell you that quitely investigating who this OM is will show you what you are up against.

Hell this OM could be married and has no intention to leave his wife..that would put your wife in deciet ful sitch a position were she is leaving her husband for what.... a fantasy?

Maybe he is a broke losser and will live off your wife and her alimony?

Worste case this guy like kids and is using your wife to get to yours?

Think about it, this guy is going after a married women, how moral do you think her really is?


I think you need to know your enemy to continue to fight this. Time to change your tactics, don't you think.

Remember this, until the OM is out of the picture he will contiue to infect the dynamics of the marriage.


I respect you for fighting....I did and it paid off.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

keko said:


> She's a great mother? So she's going to teach the kids its OK to forget 16 years invested and run back to a an old flame?


I hear this crap so often.

So delusional.

A "good mother" doesn't put her pleasure ahead of her children.

She just doesn't.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

the guy said:


> Lets keep this simple, I suggest you do some research on the OM, if you want to leave the mother aspect out then fair enough.
> 
> Some investigation work on your part might give you the direction you need. I mean I hear the pain....I was there, so believe me when I tell you that quitely investigating who this OM is will show you what you are up against.
> 
> ...



Guy, thank you for the advice. I do appreciate everything here. I am just coming out of the "shocked this happened to me" stage. I am fighting for it. I have done the investigation. O know enough about him that I know I have my work cut out for me. Right now I know that this is nothing more than an infatuation which is better than anything else at this point. I know about his lifestyle and I know that my kids will not be a part of it. The problem with that is that we have agreed to a 50/50 time agreement with the kids. So when I have the kids she has a great chance to live this other life. I need to figure out how to end that. What we have had is worth fighting for but with the kids I have had to pick my battles. I will sacrifice some battles to win the war. The war is what is important right now.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Time to move back into YOUR home. In some states this is considered abandonment and will cost you dearly. She wants the separation she leaves! Do you really want to teach your kids that it's ok to be plan b? File for the d and separate your finances or she will take every penny she can trust me. The advice you're getting is solid. Take it and regain you, ignore it and lose everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I was told long ago when I was going throw this crap that the best way to stop the affair is to make it inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.

You may want to reconsider moving back home.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Right now you have no legal right on who your wife brings around your kids when your not around, and your not around. Thats scary.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do you trust her enough to keep OM away from the kids?

Her new lifestyle needs consequences for her to get out of it.

See, without consequences there is no reason for your wife to change...not even think twice....not even second guess her current choices with this kind of behavior.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have you found if he is married or have a girl friend? Do you know his family.

Often exposer and asking OM side of the the family for there support in your marriage and informing them that there spouse,son, or brother is sleeping with a married women, and no matter what they might have heard you do want to work it out and the spouse,son,or brother is effecting the dynamics of the marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Even if this guy is a gangster, your wife will surely prevent him from doing anything to her childrens father.

Expose the affair


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

OK. A little more info here. I am out of the house (1 month). Finances are still in one account. 16 years married. 3 kids. We have had communication issues in the past. No cheating had ever happened. She has told m she doesn't love me anymore. As I said she has asked for divorce but not filed. The OG has a different lifestyle that she finds exciting. Not involved with kids yet. We have been very civil so far but I feel that is fading as well. F2F time is getting more and more strained. She refuses MC. We have done IC. That is where she says she realized it was over. I have done everything I can think of to get this back on track. One problem is that her entire support system consists of divorced people who had marriages end bad. This is not helping my cause. I will admit that I still love her deeply. I could work through any of the BS going on right now. That is not a question. I need to know good ideas and steps to get this back. I have read some on here. Moving back in right now is not an option for at least another month. Guy has been helpful. Thank you. Anything else? I really feel like I am reaching crunch time here and need to get more proactive now. I have given the time and space and now we need to figure out where to go next.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Expose the affair.

Your silence makes you a co-conspirator.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Expose the affair.
> 
> Your silence makes you a co-conspirator.


I am trying to get the information needed to do this. Right now it is all circumstantal(sp?). I have enough to read between the lines but I need proof. I am looking out for the possibility of lawyers and custody being involved if divorce gets messy. Don't see that yet but with that being a possibility I need to consider that. Whatever with this, my children are the most important part of the equation. If I had to children involved this story would be very different.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Put a voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car.

That will likely get you the evidence you need.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Put a voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car.
> 
> That will likely get you the evidence you need.


Impossible right now. I have no key to the car. Already thought of that though.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> Impossible right now. I have no key to the car. Already thought of that though.


Do you have access to cell-phone records? Texting detail?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Who's name isthecar under? If it's yours, take the title or registration to a dealership they'll give you key.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Do you have access to cell-phone records? Texting detail?


We separated phones because we were going to divorce for sure. I realize now that it was planned so I couldnt see. Have checked up until that point. nothing on phone. Text is a pain. You have to request them and it takes 60 days to get them and they only give you phone #.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> We separated phones because we were going to divorce for sure. I realize now that it was planned so I couldnt see. Have checked up until that point. nothing on phone. Text is a pain. You have to request them and it takes 60 days to get them and they only give you phone #.


Do you have the resources for a private investigator?


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Do you have the resources for a private investigator?


Yes and no. Not while we are under joint account. She looks at account daily.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> Yes and no. Not while we are under joint account. She looks at account daily.


The info that I have so far that is really not enough to use, I no longer have access to. It wasn't strong enough anyways to throw it out there. I know her enough to make sure I have concrete evidence to back it all up with.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

It is time to take charge of this situation! Separate finances NOW! Cancel ALL joint credit cards NOW! Do not wait! This is vital! It is time to quit being her doormat! I would move back into MY house immediately (I lost my house because she asked me to leave and stupidly I did). Do not ask her, do not tell her, show up with the moving van and the police if you have to! If she wants out tell her you will help her pack! Right now you are plan B, do you like being her second choice? It is time to shake her out of the fog! Make it harder for her to carry on with OM! It is time!


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> OK First off, the story here goes much deeper. We are still very civil with each other. I am not threatening to take custody of the children. We have agreed to a 50/50 arrangement with them. I am not using my children as pawns for any reason what soever.
> 
> She has not left the family for this guy. *She is a great mother*. I am not debating that on here. This is about a husband and wife, not a mother and father.
> 
> Yes, I have issues with what is going on but our issues do not involve the kids other than they deserve to have a complete household as well.


Why do people think that you can be a great parent and not a great spouse or vice verse. They are interlinked and IMO you can not separate them! Imagine the lesson your children are getting now that will haunt them in every relationship they have from now on.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

OK Possible plan here. TheGuy, I really like some of your ideas. This will not happen overnight but I am thinking about this. Please all, feel free to tear the plan apart, add suggestions, whatever you have to say. I think I am at an all or nothing stage.

1) Pick a day and move back in (Don't ask, just do it)
2) Tell her I am back to reclaim MY WIFE and MY FAMILY
3) Tell her if she wants to be separated she can pack on move into the apartment as we still have time on the lease.
4) Tell her that OM is gone as of this day. One message to him to tell him to leave her alone and than it's over
5) MC starts right now

These are thoughts. I am interested in other ideas as well as back up plan in case this goes ugly. She has said she doesn't love me anymore(I don't believe it though) but that might come up again. I will fight for my wife and children until there is zero left to fight for. I am not sure when that point is but I am not there right now. I am getting more confidence while reading on this site. It is time to give over the shock and how did this happen to me phase. I want my wife back.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> 1) Pick a day and move back in (Don't ask, just do it) *- yes*
> 2) Tell her I am back to reclaim MY WIFE and MY FAMILY *- say nothing - remember, talk less - do more*
> 3) Tell her if she wants to be separated she can pack on move into the apartment as we still have time on the lease. *- yes, when she asks*
> 4) Tell her that OM is gone as of this day. *yes - and if she refuses, expose the affair, as her refusal will tell you all you need to know*
> 5) MC starts right now. - *IC starts right now - for you. Give her the appointment time, tell her she's welcome to attend, but you are going, regardless.*


Getting your wife back is not the goal.

Being the man you were born to be is your goal.

You may get a nice bonus if you accomplish your goal. Yet, if you are doing this for someone else, it won't work.

Has to be for you.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Getting your wife back is not the goal.
> 
> Being the man you were born to be is your goal.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> OK Possible plan here. TheGuy, I really like some of your ideas. This will not happen overnight but I am thinking about this. Please all, feel free to tear the plan apart, add suggestions, whatever you have to say. I think I am at an all or nothing stage.
> 
> 1) Pick a day and move back in (Don't ask, just do it)
> 2) Tell her I am back to reclaim MY WIFE and MY FAMILY
> ...


Reread what you wrote, the words in red prove there is NOTHING to fight for. Why in the world would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? That doesn't work. 

The words in blue make me shake my head in embarrassment for you. Of all the things she says I wouldn't trust her words, except for this statement. WAKE UP!


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Reread what you wrote, the words in red prove there is NOTHING to fight for. Why in the world would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? That doesn't work.
> 
> The words in blue make me shake my head in embarrassment for you. Of all the things she says I wouldn't trust her words, except for this statement. WAKE UP!


You weren't there when this discussion happened and I didn't go into great detail. I am awake, wide awake. I am looking for ways to save this. I am not walking away yet.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> You weren't there when this discussion happened and I didn't go into great detail. I am awake, wide awake. I am looking for ways to save this. I am not walking away yet.


"Save" what - exactly?


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> "Save" what - exactly?


A 16 year marriage with 3 kids.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Getting your wife back is not the goal.
> 
> Being the man you were born to be is your goal.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the advice in this post.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> Thank you for the advice in this post.


I've been there.

It sounded Greek to me at first also.


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I've been there.


If you don't mind me asking, how did it turn out for you?


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

I have heard that she can request a TRO if I return without discussing it. Is there any truth to that?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I wouldn't think so unless there is a history of domestic abuse. Get a var and carry it with you at all times when around her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> I wouldn't think so unless there is a history of domestic abuse. Get a var and carry it with you at all times when around her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No history of anything. We hardley ever argued.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> If you don't mind me asking, how did it turn out for you?


We're still working on it.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> 1) Pick a day and move back in (Don't ask, just do it)
> 2) Tell her I am back to reclaim MY WIFE and MY FAMILY
> 3) Tell her if she wants to be separated she can pack on move into the apartment as we still have time on the lease.
> 4) Tell her that OM is gone as of this day. One message to him to tell him to leave her alone and than it's over
> 5) MC starts right now


Just from your tone in writing this plan, I can see it'll fail quite soon.

You're not going back to reclaim your wife, think about it, your wife is wh0ring around and as her husband don't you see how humiliating that is? She needs to come back to you herself, with her own choice, when she realizes her mistakes/bad choices and shows you she'll never do it again. Otherwise it won't be too long before another posOM comes along and you're back to square one.

Don't waste your breath in telling your WW and posOM to stop seeing each other, in other words don't let yourself be the powerless, clueless, weak husband trying to win his cheating wife back. Instead you need to man up and show your wife you're ready to move on(Have her chase you, instead of you chasing her. Makes sense?) Are you working out? If not you need to right away. Up your sex rank. Buy new clothes, new hair style, etc.

MC is a waste of money/time as long as she's still seeing someone else. IC however would be a good step to not only improve your weak points but shows her you're prepping yourself for the next relationship.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

hopeful2012 said:


> You weren't there when this discussion happened and I didn't go into great detail. I am awake, wide awake. I am looking for ways to save this. I am not walking away yet.


There are ways to save it and there are some ways that do the exact opposite. Approaching with the mindset "16 years, 3kids, I need to save my family, reclaim my wife, OMG im nothing, i cant breathe without my wife, etc." will achieve the exact opposite of saving anything. You'll even lose whatever backbone you have left in the process. Read the 180 in my sig, and start detaching yourself emotionally. Once you're in a better mental state, and can evaluate the situation better(just like strangers on the net can tell you exactly what is going on) take the necessary steps to quietly kill the affair and have your wife take notice of the new you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Conrad said:


> We're still working on it.


Good luck


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 11, 2012)

Does anyone have feedback on the 180 if you are already separated?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

hopeful2012 said:


> Does anyone have feedback on the 180 if you are already separated?


Read the last couple pages of Locke's thread.

He's executing the 180 like a champion.

Yes, and he is separated.


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## rotag0108 (Oct 19, 2014)

My wife of 15 years (2 children) wants a divorce because of my inability to effectively handle my PTSD and multiple surgeries. She asked me to leave, and I did. She told me to find a place for six months - that seemed to her to be an appropriate time to find professional help. Within two weeks, she stated she wanted a divorce and had the paperwork, and now after 6 weeks, she still has not filed, nor presented me with divorce papers. today at church, our exchange location for the children, she arrived with completely different hair style, rings removed, and appeared to have been crying before the exchange. Without meaningful details, why would she claim to have divorce papers, but not provide those papers to me? why would she not have filed? Could she be simply testing the waters? I am at a loss. Two sides to every situation, but if someone could rationally provided some insight based upon limited information and quite possible previous experience, it would be helpful. There has never been communication in our marriage, and that appears to be the status quo now. She hasn't filed here in Alachua County where we reside. I am just confused as to why an educated elementary teacher seems straddle the fence and not simply go through that which she intimated 6 weeks ago. I still love her but I am tired of the hope of reconciliation. She has not returned and emails that I have sent (3 over 6 weeks), she has not communicated in any meaningful fashion... so why does she not file? I am a disabled veteran at a loss. still in love with her, but emotionally spent. I don't know how many times I am able to forgive her emotional infidelity. I have no desire to hurt myself or anyone else, but I honestly would not care if I simply did not wake up. anyone?


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## rotag0108 (Oct 19, 2014)

TO ROTAG0108. Your stance is pretty much consistent with the "dumpee" perspective. She asked you to leave, and now you hurt. Understandable. You mentioned her emotional infidelity ... you have to ask your self did you push her or enable her in this direction? This does not exonerate her from the affairs, even a current one. PTSD and surgeries... dark sides to Vets that need addressing.. Are you in counseling? If not, you need to be for yourself. As for her not filing, there could be many reasons. 1 - Money. It cost a lot to file, and when children are involved it is never a simple divorce, so attorney fees are large. 2 - She may need this time away as a cooling down time away from you and the PTSD stranglehold it may have on you life. 3 - She may truly not want a divorce, just time to think and time for you to think as well - like you said there are two sides. DO NOT PRESSURE HER on way or the other. 4. She may be waiting for you to foot the bill so she is not made to look like the "bad guy" then again, maybe not. 5. As far as her rings, as a man you may not understand this, but maybe, just maybe she was with a girlfriend the night before - you said the church was the exchange location -and they had a girls night where they did hair, nails, and yes talk about you and the children, and what would be best. As for the rings, maybe, just maybe she took them off while doing her nails. This is not unheard of, I have done it and my girlfriends have done it. With respect to crying, maybe she realized she left the rings at her girlfriends house, and that fact would be difficult to explain. OR, what you may not want to accept, she spent the evening with her new beau ... new looks, no rings, and the crying because she was at church - guilt is a mindscrambler, having to face you knowing of the affair the night before. I don't know. All I am saying is that there are at least two side to the story - maybe more. 
You love her - good. Either accept that the timing is out of your control because you do not want to file. If you want to be in control, then you file - this way you will know what the time table is, and you will be making the decisions. Since you do not want a divorce, then accept that she is wrestling with a series of emotions that are different than yours. Believe it or not, the children play a much greater emotional role in her life than yours. That is not because of time or relationship that you spend with the children, it has everything to do with your wife giving birth to them. 
Right now, relax. go to work. go to church (if you believe in that). see your children as much and as often as you can. let them know they are loved. but as for you wife - let her go and allow her to be the person she is becoming. She will either like that person and want you in her life, or not want you in her life. Or she will detest the person she is becoming, and want you back for love and stability, or not want you back out of guilt and hurt. Affairs happen. Divorces happen. Separations happen. Reconciliation happens. But, the only one on this list that is not forced is reconciliation. that has to be mutual. 
Let it go... you know the old adage. If it was meant to be, it will return. I know, I hate that also.
Best of luck. Remember, it took two to get to where you are. If you love her, accept and forgive because if she comes back to you, then you are going to have to do that very thing. If she doesn't, then you are going to have to learn that very thing for you next relationship.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

rotag,
Start your own thread you will get more responses.

This is a 2 yr old thread and folks might see this as a zombee thread and move on.


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