# Rejected Wife



## KaraIsabelle

Hello everyone, I am Kara not my real name, 30y/o. We are married for almost 6 years we have 2 wonderful little earthquakes age 3 and half then the youngest is 1 and half. Just to start I married a wonderful man, he always try his best to be a good father even he doesn't have a lot of patience but in spite of his good traits I wonder why he couldn't be a good husband at bedtime, we rarely make love. I often initiate because he is lack of effort to do so, if I wait him maybe I will aged a lot before anything happens. We never argue and if we do it is always about sex. He owns a pub so he come home late like 3am and sleep til noon so its understandable, but since lockdown last March and he close his activity then i took this as a serious problem that it seems that doesn't bother him that much until i wrote him a letter even we are just living in 1 roof, i asked him why he dont make love with me, like 2 months without is effing too much for me when we can do it everyday. I guess he prefer porn than me.. So i focused on losing weight I get back to the body i was before we get married I started to wear sexy lingerie, at first it worked like 2 weeks almost everyday. Then he came back to his old self! Worst he couldn't finish and sometimes cant even get hard I tried to be more understanding and gentle to him and say its ok even deep down i was hurting too. Months pass again and it become frustrating in my side.This time I told him he is making me feel neglected emotionally and physically. This situation is just too depressing for me i just longed to be held and have some fun with him. I just miss him so much.

I just don't have any idea what was going on with his mind and everytime i tried to talk to him he just say he is stress or having mental blockness, I tried to ask him what turns him on etc etc but he just escape everytime. I don't know what to do anymore. I asked him to go or us if he wants to some sex therapist but he feels ashamed.


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## Justmeplusone

My ex wouldn’t get help either. Have you asked him to see his regular doctor?


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## KaraIsabelle

Justmeplusone said:


> My ex wouldn’t get help either. Have you asked him to see his regular doctor?



Yes but he is procrastinating 😪


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## Diana7

If he is a porn user (you mentioend porn), then it may be that he is now finding it hard to get erect and have an ejaculation when having normal sex with his wife. If that is the case, nothing will improve untill he stops. Its nothing to do with you or how you look.


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## KaraIsabelle

Diana7 said:


> If he is a porn user (you mentioend porn), then it may be that he is now finding it hard to get erect and have an ejaculation when having normal sex with his wife. If that is the case, nothing will improve untill he stops. Its nothing to do with you or how you look.


Thanks Diana. Yeah cause when I asked if he play himself does he get erect and he said yes 😔 I will try to talk to him again.


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## Diana7

KaraIsabelle said:


> Thanks Diana. Yeah cause when I asked if he play himself does he get erect and he said yes 😔 I will try to talk to him again.


Sadly porn can do this and it can ruin sex in normal relationships.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Good for you, to look for answers. 

It's time for him to get a physical, bloodwork, heart, T levels checked, the whole gamut. 

And that's normal for a man as he gets a little older. Needs to start baselines and all that.

Maybe try and spend time with him outside the home, and without kids, just to reestablish some closeness. 

Unless there was a very sudden drop in sexual interest don't assume the worst. But keep your eyes open, too, for any new persons in his life.

Glad to meet you, sorry you're here.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Don't jump right right to grilling him about porn. That's the easy bandwagon.

Yes, it may be the sole problem but don't focus solely on that. There's likely a couple issues. 

Edited.


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## DownByTheRiver

He actually might be addicted to porn to the point where it's ruining real sex for him. What happens is they get real focused on their certain favorite scenarios and porn actresses, most of which is not going to be a realistic scenario in real life. They get used to doing it I certain way to certain stimulus, and then they have trouble adjusting to spontaneous real-life sex. There's been a lot of psychologists say that this and gaming are the two fastest growing issues for the last few years. 

He runs a bar so it's also possible that he is having sex on the side. 

I guess marriage counseling so you can talk about this and get it out in the open might be the best thing but whether he'll cooperate is dubious. You can't just make him have sex with you. Obviously you don't want to throw away your relationship about it if everything else is good. but you do at least need to somehow get it all out in the open and figure out how big a priority this is to you and whether it's any kind of a deal-breaker and whether he's willing to go to counselling about it or completely quit porn.


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## sokillme

KaraIsabelle said:


> Hello everyone, I am Kara not my real name, 30y/o. We are married for almost 6 years we have 2 wonderful little earthquakes age 3 and half then the youngest is 1 and half. Just to start I married a wonderful man, he always try his best to be a good father even he doesn't have a lot of patience but in spite of his good traits I wonder why he couldn't be a good husband at bedtime, we rarely make love. I often initiate because he is lack of effort to do so, if I wait him maybe I will aged a lot before anything happens. We never argue and if we do it is always about sex. He owns a pub so he come home late like 3am and sleep til noon so its understandable, but since lockdown last March and he close his activity then i took this as a serious problem that it seems that doesn't bother him that much until i wrote him a letter even we are just living in 1 roof, i asked him why he dont make love with me, like 2 months without is effing too much for me when we can do it everyday. I guess he prefer porn than me.. So i focused on losing weight I get back to the body i was before we get married I started to wear sexy lingerie, at first it worked like 2 weeks almost everyday. Then he came back to his old self! Worst he couldn't finish and sometimes cant even get hard I tried to be more understanding and gentle to him and say its ok even deep down i was hurting too. Months pass again and it become frustrating in my side.This time I told him he is making me feel neglected emotionally and physically. This situation is just too depressing for me i just longed to be held and have some fun with him. I just miss him so much.
> 
> I just don't have any idea what was going on with his mind and everytime i tried to talk to him he just say he is stress or having mental blockness, I tried to ask him what turns him on etc etc but he just escape everytime. I don't know what to do anymore. I asked him to go or us if he wants to some sex therapist but he feels ashamed.


The mental block is the porn. He needs to stop for a while. Besides that maybe you can step up your game. Not sure if you are or not, have you tried to suggest spicing stuff up? Do you freely talk about what each others turn on are?


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## KaraIsabelle

Diana7 said:


> Sadly porn can do this and it can ruin sex in normal relationships.


I just don't understand that he have time to watch porn when I am just around and waiting for him.


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## KaraIsabelle

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Good for you, to look for answers.
> 
> It's time for him to get a physical, bloodwork, heart, T levels checked, the whole gamut.
> 
> And that's normal for a man as he gets a little older. Needs to start baselines and all that.
> 
> Maybe try and spend time with him outside the home, and without kids, just to reestablish some closeness.
> 
> Unless there was a very sudden drop in sexual interest don't assume the worst. But keep your eyes open, too, for any new persons in his life.
> 
> Glad to meet you, sorry you're here.


Thanks Ragnar! He just feel ashamed going to doctors and on Spring we will be moving into other city so he seems waiting til we move before he gets check. I just talked to him recently about this problem and I think he is trying his best this days to be more cuddly. 

Well new person in his life I don't know as we don't go out cause of lockdown here. To check his phone? I just did it last April because its been 2 months we didnt do anything, i just found out nothing just porn photos shared with his male friends 😪

Glad to meet you too! Thanks again.


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## jlg07

KaraIsabelle said:


> Thanks Ragnar! He just feel ashamed going to doctors and on Spring we will be moving into other city so he seems waiting til we move before he gets check. I just talked to him recently about this problem and I think he is trying his best this days to be more cuddly.
> 
> Well new person in his life I don't know as we don't go out cause of lockdown here. To check his phone? I just did it last April because its been 2 months we didnt do anything, i just found out nothing just porn photos shared with his male friends 😪
> 
> Glad to meet you too! Thanks again.


So, he should meet doctors NOW, and then he'll know before you move -- and then he won't be embarrassed with his current Dr's since he won't see them anymore.


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## KaraIsabelle

DownByTheRiver said:


> He actually might be addicted to porn to the point where it's ruining real sex for him. What happens is they get real focused on their certain favorite scenarios and porn actresses, most of which is not going to be a realistic scenario in real life. They get used to doing it I certain way to certain stimulus, and then they have trouble adjusting to sponweltaneous real-life sex. There's been a lot of psychologists say that this and gaming are the two fastest growing issues for the last few years.
> 
> He runs a bar so it's also possible that he is having sex on the side.
> 
> I guess marriage counseling so you can talk about this and get it out in the open might be the best thing but whether he'll cooperate is dubious. You can't just make him have sex with you. Obviously you don't want to throw away your relationship about it if everything else is good. but you do at least need to somehow get it all out in the open and figure out how big a priority this is to you and whether it's any kind of a deal-breaker and whether he's willing to go to counselling about it or completely quit porn.



Yeah I asked him lately how often he watched porn, before its almost everyday, now he said not that much. I just got tired asking him to make love with me but its frustrating if you have a high sex drive. 
Having a sex on the side that I would never know. This lockdown makes it impossible as we are often at home. Then everytime i asked him about counseling he will have sex with me then he will stop again.. lol, sometimes I even joke with him that I will find a lover if he don't change 😅 then he will just say im crazy then he will come back to me again. Oh gosh.


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## KaraIsabelle

sokillme said:


> The mental block is the porn. He needs to stop for a while. Besides that maybe you can step up your game. Not sure if you are or not, have you tried to suggest spicing stuff up? Do you freely talk about what each others turn on are?



I am the one who open up about this things, like I asked him one time when we doo and he just can't be solid, i can see he is frustrated too. I tried console him and ask him should I call another woman so we could see where is the problem 😅 and asked him too if he wants threesome or whatever, he just often scold me about it. But i guess he is open about other ideas to spice up a bit.


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## KaraIsabelle

jlg07 said:


> So, he should meet doctors NOW, and then he'll know before you move -- and then he won't be embarrassed with his current Dr's since he won't see them anymore.



That is a good point. I just don't ask him lately cause he seems get nervous, mean mad about it. After my red days i will try again to seduce this lazy ass and we will see if he could get his head straight. Or else i will make him an appointment without his consent 😅


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## jlg07

KaraIsabelle said:


> That is a good point. I just don't ask him lately cause he seems get nervous, mean mad about it. After my red days i will try again to seduce this lazy ass and we will see if he could get his head straight. Or else i will make him an appointment without his consent 😅


This is obviously a huge ego crushing thing for him that he has ED. It can be a problem for guys to actually face this, but he really needs to man up for YOU if not himself.
He really just needs to get his thoughts straight on this and then just get the Dr appts setup. There are LOTS of guys out there like this or Viagra wouldn't have been the cash cow that it is!


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## sokillme

KaraIsabelle said:


> I am the one who open up about this things, like I asked him one time when we doo and he just can't be solid, i can see he is frustrated too. I tried console him and ask him should I call another woman so we could see where is the problem 😅 and asked him too if he wants threesome or whatever, he just often scold me about it. But i guess he is open about other ideas to spice up a bit.


It's very difficult if he doesn't want to talk to you about what he is into. Like maybe he is more visual, maybe he would respond to you being more aggressive or more submissive. Maybe he needs you to be more overtly in his face sexual, maybe shy, but you seem more then willing. He needs to let you know.

Is he generally ashamed to talk about his sexuality. Let me ask you is he religious? Anything happen in his background? Was he taught sex and sexuality is something to be hidden and ashamed of? Maybe the talk right now isn't about your sex life but his feelings about sex in general.

But the truth is he probably needs to lay off the porn for a while. I think too much porn causes you to transfer you attraction from 3d to 2d or in other words you begin to be more interested in the screen then real life. It's hard to match the variety that porn can offer if you an get over the fact that it's not real, there is a whole bunch of studies on this, it's called "your brain on porn". I do think you can spice up your sex-life to make it fun and intense but you need two willing partners.

You need to have a talk but you need to understand that this is probably very difficult for him and he may even be experiencing fear right now because he wants to perform but is struggling.

Finally it may be physical and he should see a doctor.


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## KaraIsabelle

jlg07 said:


> This is obviously a huge ego crushing thing for him that he has ED. It can be a problem for guys to actually face this, but he really needs to man up for YOU if not himself.
> He really just needs to get his thoughts straight on this and then just get the Dr appts setup. There are LOTS of guys out there like this or Viagra wouldn't have been the cash cow that it is!



I don't want to offer him a Viagra 😅 i am afraid to offend him. Yeah it is a real problem for him to talk about this. I hope things will change this days. Because seriously in 3 weeks that I am working with his lazy ass only 1 session out of 5 tries has been successful.. I don't know what to do with him anymore. It just always make me feel less attractive i even ask him, am i that bad in bed?


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## jlg07

KaraIsabelle said:


> I don't want to offer him a Viagra 😅 i am afraid to offend him. Yeah it is a real problem for him to talk about this. I hope things will change this days. Because seriously in 3 weeks that I am working with his lazy ass only 1 session out of 5 tries has been successful.. I don't know what to do with him anymore. It just always make me feel less attractive i even ask him, am i that bad in bed?


I am pretty sure, but I don't think his ED has ANYTHING to do with YOU. Could be a physical issue (does he have diabetes? Blood pressure issues? medications? depression?), could be a mental issue (performance anxiety type of stuff). He SAYS he's fine when he watches porn, but he may not be -- he may just be saying that to deflect YOU from his ED.
Could be that he is lazy and it's easier to watch porn and masturbate than to put in the effort to really have a good active sex life with you.
Sorry you are going through all this...


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## KaraIsabelle

sokillme said:


> It's very difficult if he doesn't want to talk to you about what he is into. Like maybe he is more visual, maybe he would respond to you being more aggressive or more submissive. Maybe he needs you to be more overtly in his face sexual, maybe shy, but you seem more then willing. He needs to let you know.
> 
> Is he generally ashamed to talk about his sexuality. Let me ask you is he religious? Anything happen in his background? Was he taught sex and sexuality is something to be hidden and ashamed of? Maybe the talk right now isn't about your sex life but his feelings about sex in general.
> 
> But the truth is he probably needs to lay off the porn for a while. I think too much porn causes you to transfer you attraction from 3d to 2d or in other words you begin to be more interested in the screen then real life. It's hard to match the variety that porn can offer if you an get over the fact that it's not real, there is a whole bunch of studies on this, it's called "your brain on porn". I do think you can spice up your sex-life to make it fun and intense but you need two willing partners.
> 
> You need to have a talk but you need to understand that this is probably very difficult for him and he may even be experiencing fear right now because he wants to perform but is struggling.
> 
> Finally it may be physical and he should see a doctor.



Nah, i don't think its about religion. He ain't religious. What makes me mad is he can't open up with me what his likes etc etc etc . So just to have a hint what he like i asked him so many times what type of porn he often watched and he will just say "quello che c'e" it is "anything that available/or the first thing that come up" it ain't just valid for me. Everyone i guess has this fantasy or thing when watching porn. I even told him what makes me turn on and when its his turn to answer he had his alibis next and just escape from me. 😪

Yeah maybe he is struggling too during the session as he keep on thinking that he might disappoint me again or leave me unsatisfied. I just wanted to help him too he is just sometimes stubborn.


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## KaraIsabelle

jlg07 said:


> I am pretty sure, but I don't think his ED has ANYTHING to do with YOU. Could be a physical issue (does he have diabetes? Blood pressure issues? medications? depression?), could be a mental issue (performance anxiety type of stuff). He SAYS he's fine when he watches porn, but he may not be -- he may just be saying that to deflect YOU from his ED.
> Could be that he is lazy and it's easier to watch porn and masturbate than to put in the effort to really have a good active sex life with you.
> Sorry you are going through all this...



Well everytime i surprised visit him in his office here at home, i caught him watching porn and hard so I dont think he can't get hard, its like thrice so then i dont stop by anymore. Well he doesn't have any complication with his health that i didnt know of.. 
I am really suspecting that it is easier to watch porn for him than having sex with me. 

There is one time just last week. I just came out from the shower but i am just really really H, and i just want him from all the cravings and being deprive about it. So i called him and told him i need him.. but he just start to talk and talk about stuff and the future home. Etc etc. Etc. And I told him, ok you know what i am not listening, i just have sex in mind right now. It feels ridiculous. 😅


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## beautifulauthenticself

KaraIsabelle said:


> Hello everyone, I am Kara not my real name, 30y/o. We are married for almost 6 years we have 2 wonderful little earthquakes age 3 and half then the youngest is 1 and half. Just to start I married a wonderful man, he always try his best to be a good father even he doesn't have a lot of patience but in spite of his good traits I wonder why he couldn't be a good husband at bedtime, we rarely make love. I often initiate because he is lack of effort to do so, if I wait him maybe I will aged a lot before anything happens. We never argue and if we do it is always about sex. He owns a pub so he come home late like 3am and sleep til noon so its understandable, but since lockdown last March and he close his activity then i took this as a serious problem that it seems that doesn't bother him that much until i wrote him a letter even we are just living in 1 roof, i asked him why he dont make love with me, like 2 months without is effing too much for me when we can do it everyday. I guess he prefer porn than me.. So i focused on losing weight I get back to the body i was before we get married I started to wear sexy lingerie, at first it worked like 2 weeks almost everyday. Then he came back to his old self! Worst he couldn't finish and sometimes cant even get hard I tried to be more understanding and gentle to him and say its ok even deep down i was hurting too. Months pass again and it become frustrating in my side.This time I told him he is making me feel neglected emotionally and physically. This situation is just too depressing for me i just longed to be held and have some fun with him. I just miss him so much.
> 
> I just don't have any idea what was going on with his mind and everytime i tried to talk to him he just say he is stress or having mental blockness, I tried to ask him what turns him on etc etc but he just escape everytime. I don't know what to do anymore. I asked him to go or us if he wants to some sex therapist but he feels ashamed.


Watching pornography and masturbating too often can lead to a decrease in sex drive. He needs to stop doing that if he wants to rekindle your sex life. Also he could be experiencing depression and needs to see a therapist. If he's not willing to communicate and be transparent then it'll be hard to solve this issue.


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## KaraIsabelle

beautifulauthenticself said:


> Watching pornography and masturbating too often can lead to a decrease in sex drive. He needs to stop doing that if he wants to rekindle your sex life. Also he could be experiencing depression and needs to see a therapist. If he's not willing to communicate and be transparent then it'll be hard to solve this issue.


Thanks beautiful. We will talk about this thoroughly, hope he cooperates this time and be more open.


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## KaraIsabelle

Thank you everyone. Sometimes knowing that you are not alone can make the problem a little lighter. I am glad I came across in this site. 😊


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## Naturalover

I’m a little annoyed with these horny wives and my wife not wanting it... There was a time I thought I was gonna be a porn star! WTF!!!


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## DownByTheRiver

It was kind of hard to understand but are you saying that he is having times when he has erectile dysfunction and can't get hard or stay hard? if so that may be a different problem altogether. And men never want to address it or talk about it or even admit it. That could account for why he's getting mad. But he needs to go to the doctor about it.

Men you can help me out here but is it a urologist you go to for that?


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## Lance Mannion

Have him try a 30-day NoFap Challenge;



> *The 14 Step Program for Nofap.*
> 
> *The 2014-step program from NoFap.
> 1.* There will come a time where you will want to edge. Don’t.
> *2.* If you think it’s easy, you’re either doing it wrong, or you’re in the wrong neighbourhood. Don’t let anyone fool you – this **** is _hard_.
> *3.* Don’t listen to yourself when you rationalize things. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that your brain is a two-timing bastard, and it will do anything to get its fix.
> *4.* The long nights and early mornings will be hard. Drill that into your head. But if you can get through one minute, you can get through the next. Look. You’re doing it right now!
> *5.* Gum. I don’t know why, but it helps. Overload your senses with other things – smells, sights, sounds – anything that isn’t erotic. Drown out your subconscious. Put that little voice out. Squish it with your willpower.
> *6.* Your experience will be so different. You’ve probably heard it so many times from so many people, but it’s true. It’s not cliché. You are so _unique_, so _you_, that there are millions of variables out there to make your time trying Nofap completely dissimilar to anyone else. Take advantage of that; embrace it. Share your stories with others.
> *7.* Pick something that makes you happy, and immerse yourself in it. Drawing, sports, kicking over rubbish bins at the mall; _whatever_, man. I’m not judging. Some other people might be, but I – and the whole of the NoFap community – are here to help. I promise.
> *8.* “But what if—” No. ‘What if’ is your enemy here, and you should hate it with a passion. _What if_ I just edge? _What if_ I just look at porn? _What if? What if?_ Repeat the syllables in your head and listen to the ugly sound it makes. Do it. Seriously.
> *9.* There will be bad days. There will be relapses. There will be times when you want to punch a hole through a wall. Don’t. Use that vehemence to do one-hundred push-ups. Go for more, if you can. Just don’t hurt the wall. It’ll be expensive to get fixed.
> *10.* Carry around a pen and notebook wherever you go. Whenever you feel an urge, crank up your music so loud that your feelings pool at the tips of your fingers and draw what’s making your heart clench. Do that for hours on end. Don’t stop until you’re exhausted.
> *11.* When you feel like you’ve accomplished all you’ve come for, step back for a moment. How do you feel? If you’re truly content, there is absolutely nothing and nobody stopping you from walking away from the community. Remember that, and feel special for being able to cross the Nofap Challenge off of your bucket list. If you’ve beaten your addiction, cross that off too. You’ve a lot to brag about.
> *12.* A relapse does not wipe all of your progress. Do not confuse yourself with the complexities of what constitutes for a reset and what doesn’t. Try your hardest, and don’t lie to yourself. It’s as simple as that.
> *13.* Days will come when you are hurting. Accept it graciously. A little pain lets you know you’re alive, after all.
> *14.* Don’t distract yourself from your lustful thoughts. That shoves them deeper, into the nooks and crannies of your subconscious dedicated to those tantalizing taboo thoughts. Porn is not taboo nowadays. Neither is fapping. They’re just holding you back from your potential. Realize this, and let the temptations become diluted with reality. Just don’t push the thoughts away. Acknowledge them, first.
> *And then hit them out of the ballpark with a stainless-steel bat.*


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## jlg07

DownByTheRiver said:


> It was kind of hard to understand but are you saying that he is having times when he has erectile dysfunction and can't get hard or stay hard? if so that may be a different problem altogether. And men never want to address it or talk about it or even admit it. That could account for why he's getting mad. But he needs to go to the doctor about it.
> 
> Men you can help me out here but is it a urologist you go to for that?


Yeah he should see a urologist.


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## DownByTheRiver

Thanks.


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## KaraIsabelle

DownByTheRiver said:


> It was kind of hard to understand but are you saying that he is having times when he has erectile dysfunction and can't get hard or stay hard? if so that may be a different problem altogether. And men never want to address it or talk about it or even admit it. That could account for why he's getting mad. But he needs to go to the doctor about it.
> 
> Men you can help me out here but is it a urologist you go to for that?
> 
> 
> Well for example yesterday i tried to seduce him 😅 it worked at first he get hard then he was giving me oral then when i was asking his and he doesn't permit thats when i understand that he lose his hardness for another time. Maybe he was struggling to perform and just nervous and he said he was keep thinking about it. So we just had a long talk after. I asked him not to watch porn for a month so we will see if anything change. Then he finally said to check on someone professional about his issues.


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## KaraIsabelle

Naturalover said:


> I’m a little annoyed with these horny wives and my wife not wanting it... There was a time I thought I was gonna be a porn star! WTF!!!



Not our fault 😅


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## KaraIsabelle

Lance Mannion said:


> Have him try a 30-day NoFap Challenge;



Thank you. I will check on them


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## DownByTheRiver

Hope you get it figured out. I hope giving you oral isn't turning him off. I mean, it's only a remote possibility, but not unheard of.


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## KaraIsabelle

DownByTheRiver said:


> Hope you get it figured out. I hope giving you oral isn't turning him off. I mean, it's only a remote possibility, but not unheard of.


 I dont know he usually do it.. even i give him too its just sometimes he lose it. 😪 I hope for the better. Thanks downbytheriver 😘


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