# Anxiety and depression over boyfriend not proposing.



## Starbright (Aug 20, 2009)

For over a year my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years has been talking about marriage, but he has yet to propose. Over the 5 1/2 years of our relationship we have overcome fidelity issues (he cheated on me for a few months while he was working in another state) and we have lived together for the past 2 years. I moved to where his job was and changed colleges to be with him and to work on our relationship. Since then our relationship has grown and we are more honest, open, and have a stronger bond. 

In Feb. he lost his job but has been actively looking and interviewing. He's now looking at the prospects of moving out of state without me for a few months for a new job. He'll be gone and I'll be here until December because I am finishing up my degree and will be graduating then. He'll be juggling paying for two places and other expenses while I'm here finishing up with school and he's a state away working. He's been talking about proposing before he leaves and then marrying after I graduate, but I am so worried he won't do what he says. He has promised to propose and even says he has gotten close in the past, but hasn't. I have developed some extreme anxiety over this issue and have started falling into a deep depression. 

I love him and want everything to work out, but I wish he would make good on his word. I want to get married and to stop waiting for him to 'come around' on proposing. I have given him time and space and while he says he wants to get engaged, I am still waiting for it to happen. We have talked so much about this to the point that one of us is in tears of frustration by the end of the conversation. Maybe I'm worrying way too much and causing a lot of the stress and anxiety I am feeling. Building back trust after him cheating was tough and now I feel I can't trust that he will marry me. Any ideas of how I should be looking at this situation? I don't want to emotionally and mentally suffer anymore over this ordeal. I also don't want our relationship to suffer because I am focusing so much on marriage.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

5 and a half years ??????
wow, you need to move on.... he is not the one for you and just going to suck up all your time and years will go by...
even if he does ask you to marry him, it will be because he needs you for something and not the right reasons.
If you want to get married, you should find someone else to marry.
he is not the one.


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## mrs. lady (Aug 20, 2009)

I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend of 5 years has been putting off the proposal. At first I was rather upset about it but was able to sit down rationally with him and discuss it. We are young and in limbo right now. There's no money, limited time and really we have no idea what the next five years will hold. We are both extremely committed to each other and that is enough for now, we don't need a $20K party to prove it. Occasionally I do have a pang of jealously when I see other peoples wedding photos but remind myself that they might be in a different place in their journey than we are. Plus if I wait until we are financially stable enough I can have the wedding I really want instead of the wedding at a mcdonalds playplace that we would be able to afford now. 

It sounds like you're in a similar situation. Of course there is that matter of him cheating which is a major trust issue. If you are still not able to trust him when it comes to this you may not have worked past that completely though. I say sit down and talk to him rationally and be willing to really see his side and not take anything too personally. 

I hate the people who say "oh 5 years and no ring. He's just not that into you, throw everything you've worked for away" because that is just not true for every situation. Talk to him and see what's best for you and your relationship.


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