# Husband's Obsession with his Family



## airy (Oct 23, 2015)

We got married nine months ago. Now I am pregnant, approaching my sixth week. Before marriage, my husband used to live in a home with his parents, his brother, his divorced sister and her son. He used to provide for them, and still does. He pays the entire rent for that home, because his parents don't have any money. The sister is lazy and does not work. The brother is not very ambitious and works in a school as a teacher for half the day. He pays for the smaller bills of the house, etc, but does not share the rent.

When we got married, I told my husband that I will pay the entire rent of our new home (where the two of us live after marriage) for one whole year, because he already has many responsibilities. Rent for his parents home, and the kid's school fees etc. What I didnt know was that he would fail to treat me like family. As soon as he wakes up, he exercises, has breakfast and leaves for his parents home, where he also has his small office. But he goes every damn day, even if he doesnt need to. He is obsessed with the small child who is four and acts like a one year old. I have so much resentment that I actually dream of hurting the child, though I am not like that at all. I have been nice to the kid and cooked for him and taken care of him, but now, my husbands obsession with him is getting too much. He goes there and spends the entire day there even on weekends , and I am left alone at home doing nothing. Sometimes he comes home at 11 pm, and doesnt bother to inform me that he will be late. When he goes on business trips he buys presents for everyone, and nothing for me. He wastes money- and its hurtful- because I let him off the rent- so what is the need to buy his brother shoes, and his nephew ten thousand toys?

I feel like he treats our home like a free hotel- doesnt contribute much to anything- because his family is poor and needs everything. He works for them and does everything for them- that is his goal in life. He only comes here to sleep. 

He was happy when he found out I was pregnant- but it faded and hes never home even now- or doesnt even ask me how I am feeling. I feel scared and alone. I feel resentful. 

What am I supposed to do with a husband who doesnt want to spend any time with me or call our home his home..? for him its just an address and i am just a wife- not his family.

Please help.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

STOP PAYING FOR EVERYTHING. What are you the fairy godmother, he must really think he hit the jackpot with you.
Sit down and tell him everything you just wrote here. Let him know this marriage cannot survive if he continues living the way he is. 

Next, do not go near that small boy. The risk of you hurting him in a moment of madness is huge. Stay away from him.

Get your finances in order and be ready to move and be a single mom if your husband is unable to change.

There is something wrong with a man who is newly married and would want to spend all his time away from home and his new wife. Does he even love you? Or did he just see money in your eyes? Do you have a better job than him or you have money?


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## airy (Oct 23, 2015)

No. - he has the capacity to make a lot more money but hes doesnt because he is so blinded by the boy and his family. He refuses to even separate his office from there. I have to work very hard to make ends meet- I ate in to all my savings- to pay for this home- but I thought that by the end of the year he would have made more of a future for us. But it doesnt seem like it.

And I am not very wealthy- I don't spend a dime on myself- in terms of clothes, normal shopping or spas- or anything for myself. And I just feel like apart from paying rent I am also paying for food, - If I need to get a bill paid ex. electricity- I have to really ask- otherwise - I wouldnt get a dime.

Do you think his obsession with the boy and his family die a bit after I have my own child?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I don't think so, I believe he is trying to be a replacement father to the boy. But he is going about it in a rather unhealthy way, he needs to be the uncle not the father. Also, I think when the baby comes, he is going to feel even more guilty and spend more time and money on the boy. To make up for the little time he spends with the baby. 

Tonight, have a talk with him. Let him know you have to start making changes. Give him a time limit, a month before the baby comes, to stop taking care of his family. You are going to hear so much excuses. 

Let him know he has to start taking care of his family. He also, have to make sure you guys have a stable financial situation for when the baby is here. Let him know that the way he is treating you is not acceptable and needs to change.

Can he have an office in your house now, is there space?


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## airy (Oct 23, 2015)

yeah- there is enough space- but he doesnt want that- i know i need to have a talk with him- but- every time it is always the same- that he needs to take care of his parents etc etc. but the truth is he doesnt even talk to his parents much- just obsessed with the boy- isnt there another way to make him realize it? is it normal to feel this way ? he says that the boy is the only thing that makes him happy- and that is very hurtful to hear--


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

What the freak? Why this attachment? Ask him if he is going love his child the same?

Don't let this go too far, you have already let it slide so way too long. 

Do you think you would leave him, if nothing changes?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Take to bed with complications from your pregnancy and insist/demand that you need his attention 24/7...If that doesn't bring him home, divorce him...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What the f???? Are you serious?

Tell him in no uncertain terms that you EXPECT him to stop supporting his EXTENDED family!! Yes that's right - his parents and siblings are now his extended family. YOU AND YOUR BABY are his family...immediate family. You two have a child to prepare for...including financially. FFS, his priorities are seriously f'd.

Who signed the lease on your home? Is it only in your name? If so, if he refuses to even discuss this with you there's your answer. Kick his pathetic butt to the kerb, he can go live with mummy and daddy and you, the grown up can continue to live in your own home and raise your child.

What an absolute loser he is.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Are you sure he is not that boys father? that is just awfully weird. 

I would talk to him immediately and if he cares about you at all he will start to be more attentive to you. If he does not care,and feels they will always be a priority over you and his soon to be born child, you will have to come to the realization you could possibly be a single parent.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Do you think he has any sexual interest in the boy? He stays until late at night... How is he with you as far as sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

honestly , doesnt sound good .

I went through the same thing . When the children came about , I am still left alone to pay and do everything . He pays and cares for his parents and sisters , to the extent that he gets into debts which then he asked me to pay off . Later , when I refused , my ex hits me . I refused , he hits me in front of children , saying that it will make me back off .

I am a single mum now . Better off without him .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

oh . yes . They like to talk , in a bedroom , without me , for hours . when they come out of the room , they both shot me killer looks . so much so I wonder if they are incestous between mum and son , sister and brother . seriously .


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

airy said:


> who doesnt want to spend any time with me or call our home his home..? for him its just an address and i am just a wife- not his family.
> 
> Please help.


There is only ONE way he will ever change. It's if you change the locks on the house, lock him out, and tell him after he's gone through extensive therapy to learn to disengage from his family to a healthy level, he might get to date you again and see if you are compatible. But he will NEVER change as long as you keep feeding him cake. Sorry, but it's the truth. He has no reason to change. He needs serious mental help to pull away from them, but honestly, he may never do it.

As for the kid, either the kid is his kid and nobody's talking, or else he sees the kid as a 'representation' of himself living with his parents, and he's trying to make his 'representation' have a better life than HE did.


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