# Dating, affection and men vs women



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.

I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation? 

I react negatively to some of this stuff. Like it's just too much to say to someone you've never met and have only messaged with for a few days. But then I stop and question myself because I know it's something that's just very different than my way of doing things and then I feel bad about thinking negatively about them!

I've been told I'm sort of on the cold side when it comes to showing affection in my relationships and I do admit it takes me much longer to warm up to the level most men have shown me right away. I need to build some trust first, before I start baring my heart and telling them how I really see them. So I guess, in a way, compliments just don't come easily for me because I see it as a form real intimacy.

Thoughts? Am I just cold lol?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Not said:


> Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.
> 
> I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation?
> 
> ...


Do you have some specific examples of what they say that makes you react negatively? And what is something specific that you would say that is complimentary, that you can't say until you have built trust?

It's difficult for me to understand what you are talking about without specific examples.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

LisaDiane said:


> Do you have some specific examples of what they say that makes you react negatively? And what is something specific that you would say that is complimentary, that you can't say until you have built trust?
> 
> It's difficult for me to understand what you are talking about without specific examples.


Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one. 

I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Too add to that though, he isn't the first one to talk like that. I honestly don't know what to think of it. So many men do it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I know exactly what you’re saying and I react the same when it happens. It feels very insincere and agenda-driven. I think those men are love-bombing, so to speak, in the hope it’ll lead to something they really do care about.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not said:


> And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments?


Sometimes, yes.

This is why when I meet someone I really want to date, I bring my A game, and my A game is more *restraining myself* than anything. Stay cool RD, cool calm and collected. Flirty, but never overbearing, confident, but not arrogant. Words chosen carefully, staying composed.

Otherwise I become a creep.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Woah. That’s weird.

I would never think to say those things to someone I haven’t even met yet. I can’t imagine saying something like that without at least dating for a long time with someone I actually love.

I didn’t know there are guys out there that do that. Ewww… I’d steer clear of that type. That reeks of desperation.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Whenever I read stories like that, it always makes me think the guy is either love bombing or he is the needy or desperate type. I could be wrong, but that's the vibe I get...


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I'm the same. I'm cool and collected at the beginning. I hate a lot of compliments when the guy doesn't really know me. I would accept appearance compliments, but not about my personality because it takes time to get to know me.

I remember breaking up with a guy who told me I was the love of his life after a month of dating. It made me feel smothered and pressured to love him back. It was too much for me. 

I completely understand how you feel. I don't think the guy is good for you.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Not said:


> Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.
> 
> I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation?
> 
> ...


I'm the same way! Heck, I have a hard time saying ILY, especially now I'm a bit jaded about that. Ironically, the only person who ever did that was my exH... I was young and stupid at the time and totally fell for it 😆 . 

If that came out of a grown man's mouth, I'd run away so fast!🏃‍♀️


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

First time I said ILY to my last ex was an accident. She heard it, but didn't mention it. Me either. Until later lol. It was like OOPS >.<!

We were dating several months though and were already intimate.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Not said:


> Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.
> 
> I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.


Woman here but yes the over forward stuff usually takes me aback.

I cringe when I read that men expect sex the 1st date or by date 3 or they assume women just aren't into them and move on.

I think this is simply a symptom of that. He's being overly affectionate with someone he really doesn't know hoping there will be sex soon or the first time you meet. If you aren't into that kind of thing I'd just move on.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Anastasia6 said:


> Woman here but yes the over forward stuff usually takes me aback.
> 
> *I cringe when I read that men expect sex the 1st date or by date 3 or they assume women just aren't into them and move on.*
> 
> I think this is simply a symptom of that. He's being overly affectionate with someone he really doesn't know hoping there will be sex soon or the first time you meet. If you aren't into that kind of thing I'd just move on.


Sometimes they have a point though, I was date 5 with the last one and didn't get to first base. After I decided to become friends turns out the feeling was quite mutual. So they were right.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes they have a point though, I was date 5 with the last one and didn't get to first base. After I decided to become friends turns out the feeling was quite mutual. So they were right.


The last one didn't give any indications of actually fancying you. There's a big difference between no sex and no hand holding or kissing.

But whatever... No skin off my nose if the men who only think sex is important move on after the 1st date. I want a more robust and fulfilling relationship. And since I'm not currently dating anyway it's just my point of view. The same men who expect sex very soon will talk trash about the town bicycle so it's a fine line I"m not walking...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Anastasia6 said:


> The last one didn't give any indications of actually fancying you. There's a big difference between no sex and no hand holding or kissing.
> 
> But whatever... No skin off my nose if the men who only think sex is important move on after the 1st date. I want a more robust and fulfilling relationship. And since I'm not currently dating anyway it's just my point of view. The same men who expect sex very soon will talk trash about the town bicycle so it's a fine line I"m not walking...


Sex sure, but men should expect other forms of affection, hand holding, eventual kiss. JMO


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I like warmth and affection. If it feels insincere, it is a turn off but if you think there's a possibility he might feasibly find those things about you attractive, consider the possibility someone who has met you might be genuine. It's hard to give compliments. I feel forward if I give too many upfront but am sure to compliment them about something- whether it's a personality trait or something like the fact that they obviously put time and effort into getting ready for our date. I might look for something genuine that I like about them and compliment that so it feels more comfortable until I get to know them.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Sex sure, but men should expect other forms of affection, hand holding, eventual kiss. JMO


Exactly. And since yours didn’t then it was a big clue she wasn’t into you. You didn’t need no sex to tell that .


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Anastasia6 said:


> Exactly. And since yours didn’t then it was a big clue she wasn’t into you. You didn’t need no sex to tell that .


Yes and I was an idiot hahahaha


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Not said:


> Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.
> 
> I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.


I have no idea if it's typical of online dating. However, as you said, you've never met. For what it's worth, I think self-reflection and observing 'feedback' can be good and healthy - yet also trusting yourself can be good and healthy. In this instance, my suggestion to you would be not to doubt yourself. That style of interaction isn't vibing with you and perhaps causing your spidey senses to tingle. Go with that. Question him/them (as you are), not yourself.

And for good measure with context, I am prone to giving sincere and sometimes playful compliments to those I'm closer with and who know me well enough to not misconstrue the intention. I'm also good with receiving sincere and sometimes playful compliments too; usually with an accepted thank you, and occasionally with self-deprecating joking banter. If I compliment someone I don't know, thinking along the lines of receiving customer service, I'm likely to comment along the lines of 'That's really thoughtful and considerate of you. Thank you.' Although recently with receiving customer service while shopping for furniture the sales guy came across as too needy / had been through a sales-training weekend workshop or something (and which I recognize is him just doing his job) but he started launching into too much even though I'd told him all that I needed with browsing at that point. I halted him from going through all the various options and detail and with a gentle tone told him it wasn't my first rodeo (shopping for this). While I don't presume to know everything, I'm in my 40s and felt like he was launching into some considerations like I was just moving out of home for the first time (which I did at 18). Thankfully he took the message well, chuckled, and replied 'You're telling me to back off. No problem. If you need anything let me know.'

With that in mind, reading what you shared and putting myself in your shoes it would have me thinking 'nope'. I'm trying to pinpoint why; other than I kind of feel like I'm too 'seasoned' for such shenanigans - and that's how I would interpret it. Alongside my assumption that he's likely talking to several people (not saying that's an issue necessarily) and likely refers to everyone with 'names of affection' like 'angel' to keep it easier. In summary, trust yourself. It's not your first rodeo.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Not said:


> ...he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.
> 
> I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.


To add, rightly or wrongly, I'd just interpret that he wants to get to sexting with you.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Anastasia6 said:


> I cringe when I read that men expect sex the 1st date or by date 3 or they assume women just aren't into them and move on.


I'd never approach a woman with the lines you ladies are talking about. They seem very arrogant. But that's just me. Sort of a Don Quixote type trying to protect women's virtue.

Regarding men expecting sex the first date, my entire intentionally short lived socializing with women was a surprise hookup dropped on me by a woman, a surprise and blind hookup dropped on me by a woman, a blind hookup arranged by the woman. At that point I found a woman who respected my space.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Openminded said:


> I know exactly what you’re saying and I react the same when it happens. It feels very insincere and agenda-driven. I think those men are love-bombing, so to speak, in the hope it’ll lead to something they really do care about.


I agree and it's sad because they're probably sincere in their hope to meet someone but they need to realize the immediate smothering has the opposite effect! Glad to know it's not just me and I can't see a woman acting that way!


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes, yes.
> 
> This is why when I meet someone I really want to date, I bring my A game, and my A game is more *restraining myself* than anything. Stay cool RD, cool calm and collected. Flirty, but never overbearing, confident, but not arrogant. Words chosen carefully, staying composed.
> 
> Otherwise I become a creep.


Thanks for the peek inside the male mind RD. The man in question also told me if he were to tell me what he really saw in me he might scare me off. Is that something similar to what you experience in your thoughts? Kind of sounds like it.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Woah. That’s weird.
> 
> I would never think to say those things to someone I haven’t even met yet. I can’t imagine saying something like that without at least dating for a long time with someone I actually love.
> 
> I didn’t know there are guys out there that do that. Ewww… I’d steer clear of that type. That reeks of desperation.


Yep, they walk among us lol! Kind of feel sorry for them but can't get past the creep factor enough to actually meet with them.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm the same. I'm cool and collected at the beginning. I hate a lot of compliments when the guy doesn't really know me. I would accept appearance compliments, but not about my personality because it takes time to get to know me.
> 
> I remember breaking up with a guy who told me I was the love of his life after a month of dating. It made me feel smothered and pressured to love him back. It was too much for me.
> 
> I completely understand how you feel. I don't think the guy is good for you.


Yep, if someone were to move way too fast with the love stuff I'd slam on the breaks thinking there was something really off with the guy. I think this particular guy would be just like your ex.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

TXTrini said:


> I'm the same way! Heck, I have a hard time saying ILY, especially now I'm a bit jaded about that. Ironically, the only person who ever did that was my exH... I was young and stupid at the time and totally fell for it 😆 .
> 
> If that came out of a grown man's mouth, I'd run away so fast!🏃‍♀️


See, I was thinking about that too. A grown man said these things. It comes off as emotional immaturity too so in what others ways will he be stunted?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

When dating my common approach was to speak little and welcome/let my date open up and talk about herself.

If the dinner or snacks went well, stayed aware if she wanted to have minimal physical touch, mostly yes and most always we'd end up standing or sitting close and if she came into my personal space I welcomed her in as not a big deal but as if normal, her call. I just made myself available to her body language.

Surprisingly this casual approach was way successful to entering a good relationship, with sex that night or heavy necking etc and another date. My goto was inviting her to poolside party the next day or so.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Anastasia6 said:


> Woman here but yes the over forward stuff usually takes me aback.
> 
> I cringe when I read that men expect sex the 1st date or by date 3 or they assume women just aren't into them and move on.
> 
> I think this is simply a symptom of that. He's being overly affectionate with someone he really doesn't know hoping there will be sex soon or the first time you meet. If you aren't into that kind of thing I'd just move on.


It's difficult to say what his end goal is, although he's a man and he's human so sex would be an eventual hope of his I'm sure. But it's very difficult to find someone on these apps who's local, decent looking and has their life together AND has similar values and lifestyles so when it happens I can see how some men may be too "loud" with their excitement.

I know I personally get very excited when I finally start talking to someone who seems to have all or most of those boxes checked but like RD, I restrain myself and don't get dumb about it. I keep my head on straight. It could be that some of these men just get that excited about finally finding a decent match and they lose their heads about it. It's something I actually strongly suspect because it really is that hard to find a good match. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

heartsbeating said:


> I have no idea if it's typical of online dating. However, as you said, you've never met. For what it's worth, I think self-reflection and observing 'feedback' can be good and healthy - yet also trusting yourself can be good and healthy. In this instance, my suggestion to you would be not to doubt yourself. That style of interaction isn't vibing with you and perhaps causing your spidey senses to tingle. Go with that. Question him/them (as you are), not yourself.


I won't meet with someone who makes me feel uncomfortable even if there's a possibility they may mean well. It does get me to wondering about my own levels of affection though.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

In regards to sex on the 1st date or even the 3rd or 5th that's not my style, typically. I've done that twice in my three years of dating. First with a man I wound up dating for 18 months but we had explosive chemistry from the start and that chemistry never died, even at the end. And second, with a man I was giving serious consideration too, very serious consideration.

So I don't knock all women who do it but I do knock women if that's their MO especially if their using it as means to snare the man. That's risky behavior and I'm not willing to risk my health and safety.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Not said:


> In regards to sex on the 1st date or even the 3rd or 5th that's not my style, typically. I've done that twice in my three years of dating. First with a man I wound up dating for 18 months but we had explosive chemistry from the start and that chemistry never died, even at the end. And second, with a man I was giving serious consideration too, very serious consideration.
> 
> So I don't knock all women who do it but I do knock women if that's their MO especially if their using it as means to snare the man. That's risky behavior and I'm not willing to risk my health and safety.


That makes sense. Things seem more risky today.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes they have a point though, I was date 5 with the last one and didn't get to first base. After I decided to become friends turns out the feeling was quite mutual. So they were right.


I'm like you RD, if there are no fireworks I take that as a sign.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Not said:


> Ok, I'm going to begin by saying that as far as being affectionate goes I can come off as really standoff-ish when I first start talking to someone. I say this when comparing myself to how some men seem to converse, how some of them can come off which can be rather forward in my opinion. I do not shower them with compliments outside of telling them I think they are good looking or complimenting them on certain talents they have. I'm very nice but I do not ever go over-board in any way, shape or form. Conversation with me is very straight forward and to the point with some friendly and maybe slightly flirty banter thrown in.
> 
> I've noticed most men seem to be much more forward, at least compared to me. The compliments can be downright awkard! I'm wondering if this is typical? And if so, I'm wondering if it's because men are known to think with their little head lol! Is sex drive the engine behind the compliments? (I'm sure some women can be like this too and would love to hear stories about that!) Or is it just plain ole interest? Or can it be manipulation and if so, how do you know when it's crossing over into manipulation?
> 
> ...


Yes, you are cold.

That said, being warm invites the lonely men out from their cold spells.

It soon invites the warm compliments, and the cold groping hands.
Cold hands, warm heart?

You have learned, you have conditioned yourself to be wary, weary of men and their predick-table actions.

And yes, it is the little head being bolstered by the head-of-steam that male hormones naturally build up.

My suggestion?

Expect these clumsy attempts that many men use to get close to you.
Do not take them personal.

The real players are more polished, and more deadly....selfish.
Normal men are often, not so suave, not so good at getting _'their way'._

Is it not good that you find yourself wanted?
What woman would want a man who finds her 'not desirable'?
A woman found desirable is sought, and yes, in some way, stalked.

How these suitors go about getting to know you, getting close to you, is the key to finding a compatible lover.

Work within those constraints.

Sort through the men coming on to you.

Fear men, less.



_The Typist- _fear me not, I tie no knots, unseen.
Uh, maybe I do.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I haven’t read beyond your opening post but I will just say that historically it has been men that have jumped out of airplanes in the dead of night into battle. 

Men have been the ones to explore foreboding mountain tops and the bottom of the sea in shark infested waters.

Men run into burning buildings and kick down the doors of drug dealers and violent gangsters. 

Where as lots of times women prefer to scowl and keep quiet and not say a word when they want someone to pick up their dirty socks on the floor. 

Men on average are simply more assertive and have more initiative than women typically.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I will also add that when it comes to women and romance and sex and relationships etc, there are two types of men - 

- the assertive and initiative.

- virgins. 

If a man wants to have a special someone in his life, on average he is basically going to have to put it out there and make it happen.

Unless he is some kind of rock star, celebrity or pro athlete etc or is good looking enough to be a heterosexual Calvin Klein underwear model, He is likely going to have to be the one to make the first move. 

Men basically have to be assertive and make the first moves. If they don’t, they get no where.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

As men, we want partners, not competitors.

As women, we want partners, not predators.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> As women, we want partners, not predators.


True, but often what defines potential partners from predators is how attractive and desirable the lady finds the man in the first place.

If a homeless guy under a bridges says, “you have a lovely smile,” he’s a predator and the cops may even get called. 

If Tom Cruise says, “you have a lovely smile,” the clothes may be hitting the floor.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Not said:


> I agree and it's sad because they're probably sincere in their hope to meet someone but they need to realize the immediate smothering has the opposite effect! Glad to know it's not just me and I can't see a woman acting that way!


You'd be surprised! I've heard stories of some bunny boilers (women).


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Not said:


> Sure. I'm talking to someone now who was injured last week and has been down for the count. He may need surgery. Didn't hear from him again till today and he tells me he missed me and calls me his angel saying he wishes I could nurse him back to health. I ask how his pain is and he says he couldn't hold me as tight as he would want but it wouldn't be from lack of effort. We've never met! He's been hot and heavy on the compliments from day one.
> 
> I'm wondering if I'm just squirmy. My intitial reaction to his messages today was that they were over the top but I question if I'm just cold. I was raised in a family that never showed affection.


If you have never met this person, your reaction is as it should be.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

bobert said:


> Whenever I read stories like that, it always makes me think the guy is either love bombing or he is the needy or desperate type. I could be wrong, but that's the vibe I get...


Yes he is probably going through something personal-- maybe reeling from recent divorce or just having a hard time being single and ok with himself.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

oldshirt said:


> I will also add that when it comes to women and romance and sex and relationships etc, there are two types of men -
> 
> - the assertive and initiative.
> 
> ...


Dunno, I don't rate myself as much more than average, but all my encounters have been driven by women. And even planned out by other women. I've never flirted with them. Guess some women just like to conquer the shy quiet type.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

TXTrini said:


> You'd be surprised! I've heard stories of some bunny boilers (women).


True. I had one guy tell me a story of a woman he had two dates with. He was also still meeting other women, checking out his options. He invited the first woman to his house for a third date and she asked about not hearing from him the day before and he told her he'd gone on a date. She lost it and started hitting and punching him!


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Yes, you are cold.
> 
> That said, being warm invites the lonely men out from their cold spells.
> 
> ...


I really like this post, food for thought. Thank you SunCMars. The part about how they go about getting to know me being key strikes home.

I had a date last night. I saw him as a total dud, no fire at all. No sex appeal, just nothing and flat. I kept thinking he needs to find himself a little dormouse. So the total opposite of the previously mentioned man. One each on opposite ends of the spectrum. Looks like I'm attracted to a man who knows balance.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

uwe.blab said:


> Yes he is probably going through something personal-- maybe reeling from recent divorce or just having a hard time being single and ok with himself.



He's a widower.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not said:


> True. I had one guy tell me a story of a woman he had two dates with. He was also still meeting other women, checking out his options. He invited the first woman to his house for a third date and she asked about not hearing from him the day before and he told her he'd gone on a date. She lost it and started hitting and punching him!


Different women, different expectations, one woman I was going to date removed Hinge after getting my number and wasn't so happy to hear I didn't do the same and ghosted.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not said:


> He's a widower.


That explains a lot.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My experience is the man wants to impress and he wants to get you in the sack as fast as possible so he will compliment, call you sweet names, call, take you out, whatever it takes. He also is trying to impress you so he will talk about himself and tell you about all of his wonderful achievements. The men who are calling me sweetheart before we meet usually do not hear from me again. Women want men to see them for who they are, people- not objects but I also do not see them looking for a committed relationship either. Get involved and with time they will call less, the compliments diminish and pretty soon you can wondering if the guy has any feelings for you. BUT he still want to see you once a week or once every two weeks and what is on his mind? He might take you to dinner but he knows he's going to get a little at the end of the evening because he knows how you feel about him. You keep giving of yourself and nothing changes on his part. He has a million and one obligations and priorities and then you feel unwanted and used and with time you finally leave.


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