# Transitioning away from angry porn



## dayz (Sep 7, 2014)

My husband watches too much porn and it has really begun to affect him. At first I didn't mind him watching it once in a while, but it is now impacting our marriage and our time together. He has difficultly getting and staying stimulated when we are intimate, this despite his claims that he is still very attracted to me. Clearly he has become too dependent on the porn and the ease of reaching an orgasm through self stimulation.

I'd like to get him to stop watching the porn, but at the same time, I recognize that this is an addiction and it's unrealistic to expect him to quit cold turkey. Any suggestions?


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## m0nk (Mar 14, 2014)

Does he see this as a problem/does he want to stop using porn? If he doesn't see this as a problem/addiction, it's not likely he will be receptive to change. You say "angry porn"; does this mean it is making him feel angry or respond in an angry fashion? Has there been any transition/change in his life recently? Maybe it's a low T situation...there's a lot going on here. I personally don't like porn at ALL; my exH was addicted and every time he swore he'd stop, he never did, so I'm not much help in terms of what "works." Wishing you the best...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

m0nk said:


> Does he see this as a problem/does he want to stop using porn? If he doesn't see this as a problem/addiction, it's not likely he will be receptive to change.


:iagree:

A man incapable of having sex with his wife due to masturbation and porn isn't just going to stop if even the inability to have actual sex isn't enough to make him stop.

Time for therapy, I think. But he likely won't want to go.

I'm sorry, I don't have any good advice. You could ask him to cut it out for a week before you try to have sex so as to prove to him that the porn/masturbation is the problem. Maybe he'll see the light. If he's incapable of doing that, he needs help.


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## fleet (Aug 26, 2014)

I think your use of the term 'transition' is a good one. I have been in a similar situation myself and I decided to join my partner in his porn fixation. However, I made the choice as to what we would watch. While I did consider the input he gave me about his choices, I steered our viewing towards 'couples porn'. 

When I say couples porn, I mean material that contains something that can appeal to the both of us. We had great success watching a series of videos on Eroswia because it was an instructional how-to-do series, while at the same time had enough explicit content to satisfy him. We've been working our way through the different steps and positions. Since mastering it takes a fair while, I think we have enough visual content to keep us occupied for some time. It makes for nice material to bond over - we're both working together to reach a goal so we can move on to the next step in the series. We're not arguing, and I don't feel as if I'm imposing my will on him. And I like that it is porn with a romantic setting, not that 'angry' male-centric porn you alluded to in your post. You'll want something similar for your man. I think the key to stopping this addiction is disrupting the habit. Instead of watching porn by himself, he'll meet his sexual needs with you and the visuals you watch together. After a while, the porn becomes less and less important.


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## White.Rabbit (Feb 24, 2014)

Firstly he has to admit to himself that he has a problem and then seek help and advice from as many sources as you can. There is help out there, but you might have to dig for it.

Unfortunately if you are not of a religious persuasion there's a lot of input that isn't going to help, so you might have to sift through a lot of irrelevant material. 

The now estranged Mr Rabbit became addicted over many years and preferred his own company to mine when it came to his sexual needs. 

He did admit he'd got issues and improved considerably, but in trying to restrict his porn use tarred everything sexual with the same brush, to my continued detriment. 

I'm afraid that in the end I gave up and moved on, but that's not to say you can't overcome your issues if you're both totally committed to doing so. 

If we're allowed to share YouTube links publicly here, then there a couple of documentaries you might find useful, otherwise message me for the details. For the Brits amongst us I may have details of some other resources in amongst my notes on the issue.

I'm more than happy to discuss my experiences and compare notes on this matter on forum or by private message.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Dayz, 

Just figured I would chime in a bit here. Was there any history of you rejecting your husband sexually for a while? I only ask because he may have leaned on it to fill a void. If this was the case you would want to tread carefully.

Regardless, my own story could help you. My wife rejected me for years, so it was monthly sex with a huff and puff from her. I leaned on porn more at times. Past 3-4 months or so, I barely watch any porn (even less than normal guys). THe reason for me was simple, I became 10x more physically active and channeled my energy everywhere BUT the bedroom. Eventually my brain just stopped be much interested in it.

So I didnt have an addiction or an issue in my own bedroom from Porn, but I can tell you my usage went way down when I became more physically active and focused heavily on nonsexual activities.

Just some food for thought.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

transition to happy porn?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

White.Rabbit said:


> He did admit he'd got issues and improved considerably, *but in trying to restrict his porn use tarred everything sexual with the same brush, to my continued detriment. *



What does this mean, rabbit? If it isn't too personal to ask?


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## White.Rabbit (Feb 24, 2014)

intheory said:


> What does this mean, rabbit? If it isn't too personal to ask?


In trying to quit he would put everything and anything before anything sexual, which meant I lost out sexually whichever way you looked at it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

norajane said:


> :iagree:
> 
> A man incapable of having sex with his wife due to masturbation and porn isn't just going to stop if even the inability to have actual sex isn't enough to make him stop.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

100% AGREE! H is getting his satisfaction from watching porn and masturbating. He should stop for a week. His sexual desire without immediate release(which is what porn can offer) will have him turn to you.


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