# Please help me !!!



## Sas581011

Hi all, iv'e posted here before, I need some advise cause I seem
to have slipped a bit, not really sure if I done the right thing.
My W and I have been separated almost 2 months, contact has
very minimal with the odd lunch or visit now and then. W is living 
with her parents and so is my 3 year old son, I see him every
week usually with her coming along. Anyways to cut to the chase
these are my updates and I need some honest feedback.
I have been using many aspects of 180 and working hard on my
Emotional and physical state of being. It was her 30th birthday
Yesterday, she had a dinner party at her parents house and
Invited all her close friends but obviosly not me. We had
Discussed it and agreed it would be uncomfotable for us in
front of her parents. I sent her a birthday wish and had a
Huge bunch of flowers delivered to her with a card. She tried
Calling me but i missed her call, she then texted saying thankyou
They are wonderful. I responded and said it's a pleasure.

My W worked today til 3:00 this afternoon, I fetched my son
From her shop, had a little snack and then left. She asked to
come over to my appartment after work as it's close by so
she could rest from the heavy night of drinking. I agreed as my
son was returning home afterwards with her. She came over and
I let her sleep, i bought some takeaways for us when she woke.
I am currently in IC and my councellor advised that we seek MC
on agreed terms. I asked her tonight if we could attend together
and she agreed, she mentioned her times of work so getting
an appointment will be tough, i was thinking maybe a Saturday
as she agreed that she can make it and not take time off work as
she just started 2 weeks ago. We both agree that we are uncertain
about what we want going forward, she mentioned that she 
doesn't know what she wants and agreed that she has put it off
due to not seeing that as a priority, she had to find a car, new 
School for our son and a new job so she really has been busy. She
Mentioned that although she has all this now sorted that she is
still unsure what will become of us. She mentioned she can
See the changes in me and is happy i'm seeing a little clearer.
Btw i didn't bother her while she slept off her hangover about anything.
I told her I care for her and gave her a big hug and said she
Can call me whenever she needs to talk. Btw she isn't a drinker
it was just her 30th, she hates alcohol. This is what I need to
understand;
1. Was i wrong on asking for marriage counselling, she agreed
to it even though she is uncertain of our future.
2. Is her coming over to me a good sign ?
3. She mentioned that if we weren't friends she wouldn't be at
My place, that we also have a son together. Is this good or bad
Mentioning the friends thing ?
4. She confirmed she isn't ready to give 100% yet as she doesn't
know what she wants yet confirmed counselling, what are your
Thoughts on this one.

Please any suggestions on the above, do I carry on with 180 and
Only discuss son or make an appointment with MC and see where
It all goes? Please I need your help, especially ladies, do you
Guys ever feel for your partner what i explained above and 
Willing to give the marriage a chance. Please any feedback will
Be appreciated and please be honest. Thanks.
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## DelinquentGurl

Yes, you do need to continue your 180's. Don't ever stop them, because you should be doing them for yourself and not for your marriage. If your doing it just for her you are destined to fail.

No, you are not wrong in asking if she was is willing to go to MC. She might not be totally into it but she also hasn't checked out all the way either. I firmly believe that there is always hope.
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## Sas581011

Thanks DG, will continue but gee there is a fine between the
for her and for me thing. I feel better lately about myself, little 
Less Emotional but then we always get those days, it's usually when
I see her but then I feel being so strong and confident in her
space is easy to do but I just want to hold and kiss her. 

Thanks for your feedback DG!!!
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## DelinquentGurl

I completely understand what your feeling. My H & I have been separated almost 3 months and it hasn't been easy. However, I think back to how I was when he first left, and I realize how far I've come.
I still have my days, and trust me I had one of those days yesterday. But they aren't all like that thank God.

I know there is a fine line between doing the 180's for you or for your spouse, because we want them to notice the changes we are making, but I just know for me, these 180's have to be my new way of life, regardless of the outcome of my marriage. I hope that with small consistent changes, I'll be a better person in the end. And I know you will also.
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## Happilymarriedwife

I think it is a good sign that she came over and feels comfortable to sleep at your place. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Just don't get too agressive and sound desperate. She is obviously noticing the changes but as a woman I can tell you, she's waiting to see if they stick. Be patient. Just keep doing nice things and working on yourself. 

I think MC is a great idea and since she's open to it, it means she's still open to being together. No one can give you answer as to what is going to happen or what she's thinking, but I can say the best thing to do is work on yourself and be the best that you can be. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll still have to go into the next relationship with all your problems if you don't fix them now. It sounds to me though that she's just waiting to see if you're really going to change and stay changed. 

Based on what you said, it doesn't see to me that you're ready to be back together either. If you are thinking of quitting 180 then it seems you are doing it just to get her back. If she took you back now, you probably would quit and go back to the way you were. Commit to yourself to do it for you, regardless of what happens with her, you owe it to yourself and your son. I wish you all the best and I will pray for you. As a parent you need to do all you can to keep your marriage together. It just sounds like right now you need to be patient and persistent in working on yourself.


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## Sas581011

Thanks Happilymarried, I thank you for your support, I just feel 
like she is doing the 180 in return even when I stick to it for me.
I like what you say about a consistent change, it makes sense
because she yold me yesterday she is scared of coming back
to the same issues. Any advise how to handle the 180 when
a 3 year is involved and see him every weekend, what can I
do???
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## Sas581011

DG, thanks for you valuable and honest input, these situations
Really suck but I believe we become better people in the end. 
It just amazes me how childish W or H can b in such situations.
Her family are a bunch of controlling nut freaks and her mom
And dad were separated 2 years before getting back together, she
Had an EA and was beaten by this guy, this was happening when
My wife and i first met, there has never been abuse in our
Marriage and my son has never been exposed to any of our
Arguments, he has turned out to be really cool, she keeps
reminding me that at least she always has a piece of me cause
He lives with her and has the same personality as me, games 
Again....lol. Whenever s&$t hits the fan she runs for the hills.
Dg, if you follow the 180 and you still miss him, are you waiting for
Him to make a move or are you done and just moving on?
Has H changed in anyway since doing the 180, will you take him
back ? 

Sorry for all the questions but today I just feel like telling her
To grow up and start making decisions for her and my son's sanity.
Of course i'm not gonna call her but I have vented on a piece
Of paper which i've already discarded. Gee i'm mad today?
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## Sas581011

Hi all, i know i posted earlier. Some concerns to 180, any advise?

1. What if she calls me? We have a son and I would like to know
that he is alright.
2. I know I do not want her back at home right now, is there anyway
To reconcile while still living apart for some time.
3. Is it wrong for me to feel like just moving on, I love my son and
He will always have a good life. I know there are issues but I 
want outta this insane game of whatever she is playing.
4. I have accepted resposibility for my actions, why is she always
bringing up the negative, is it to make her feel better about what
she had to do?
5. I too feel more the desparation than love but im willing to work
On our relationship for my son, is this a normal feeling?

Thanks, all input will be of great help, please just be honest.
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## Sas581011

Hi all, W seems to be opening up a little to her new founded
changes in me. We will be attending counselling at her will, and
at last not by my desparation. I said i would ask three times, 1st time
Not a chance, flat out no, 2nd attempt W said she would think 
about it, never happened. Third time after much 180 tips and
a change in me, yes, W is commited to at least give it a bash. 
Im happy cause it will allow me to really get in tune with her feelings
and understand why and where we failed in marriage. She called me
today and although she still is unsure of us, although I must
say me leaving her alone has really brought her closer to me. Strange.

We have a session on the 30th April and every week threafter.
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