# Full Time Mother With Dual Job Husband



## resqtech

Husband works for large corporation 40+ hours per week and also has own business that he is trying to get off of the ground, which so far has been successful. He works for corporation M-F 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 pm then usually will come home for about 1/2 an hour before he goes to take care of jobs for his own business, usually up to 3 times per work week. He doesn't like his corporate job but is doing it for the benefits and stability for the time being and is working his way into having his own full time business.

Wife has 18 month old with husband full time and 5 year old son shared with his father 50/50 split. She works at her father's restaurant part time and takes care of her 18 month old son when she is not working and 5 year old son when she is not working and when he is not in kindergarten.

Wife is irritated because husband works so much and doesn't focus enough on her or the family. His business is the majority of a "home" based business that can be done with a laptop on the couch watching TV.

Husband is irritated because financially the bills wouldn't get paid and there would be no extra money if it wasn't for this business. He is upset because she gets to go from job to job always ending up at her father's restaurant and expects husband to be happy working for the company that he works for and not try to do something better for his family. Husband is trying to work for a better future for his kids in a troubled economy and for a house, as we rent right now, and could not do it without a better source of income. Wife tells husband that she is not interested in money or objects, however doesn't think of her children's future is the way the husband feels. Wife always brings up the fact that husband doesn't understand where she is coming from because she has to be with the kids more than him. Husband considers it a blessing that she has the opportunity to be with the kids when he has to go from one job to the other to bring in the income. Wife doesn't understand this aspect of the finances.


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## justean

well reading that, the husband despite his good intentions.
stil doesnt have a balance.
its stil all work and no play.
the marriage wil get into trouble, because the wife wil eventually lack love and attention.
the Wife does understand the finances and the husband works very hard . but there stil has to be some give . its stil very hard raising children.
and no doubt i suggest the Wife is feeling very lonely. if she doesnt have atleast some conection with her H, there wil b alot more to lose within in the marriage.


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## resqtech

I don't understand though why the focus is on the wife's lonliness. What about the fact that the wife seems to be constantly harrassing the husband about "being on the computer too much", but yet she gets to jump from job to job always relying on the fact that her dad owns a restaurant and can support her anytime she doesn't want to work a 40 hour work week. Why doesn't the husband have the right to merge from working for a corporation to working for his own business? Why can't he work hard for a period long enough to hire some employees to ease the load? Is the focus forever going to be on the wife's lonliness and the husband is forever working for a corporation and the family will never be able to afford a home doomed to rent forever? Answer me that


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## marina72

all I can say to you is, that a marriage requires just as much work, as a job, or any other venture that you desire success in.... I agree with justean. You're barely home, and when you are, if you're on the computer, or entertaining yourself, not that I'm saying you are, but if that is the case, then any wife, or hubby would be lonely. it's a fact. A marriage cannot sustain itself, it takes the two people in it, working together, to stay in touch, to stay close ,and to make it successful. 

It does sound as if there might be an imbalance here. Not saying it's not both of you, but neither one of you can do this for much longer, and keep the marriage happy, if it's not unhappy already.

so you're renting right now.. so? Who cares? Yes, you both have every right to hope for a home someday... but is that your only focus in life? What about the woman you are with, that you claimed you'd marry and love and cherish? She will have to try and be understanding, of your schedule, adn you will need to realize that a lonely wife, or hubby for that matter, makes for one heck of a miserable marriage. It's not fair to her either, is it? 

instead of playing the he said she said, or she gets to , but why not me, which sounds like something a young person would say... why not try to reach a good balance? 

My hubby works a very hard, long stressful job, but he also knows, that when he's home, he's mine,, he's the kids... he does get time alone, Every now and then, but not every day, ti's just not possible. He loves us, and wants to spend time with us. Every now and then I have to give him a little jogging... to let himknow he's got a wife and kids to pay attention to... and he knows , and agrees. 

You sound very angry, and like you are mad as heck. I understand it's so hard to find that right balance that meets your needs, and your spouses... but, if you don't , then the likelyhood that the marriage will last forever, is slim.

Could I suggest the book, "Love Dare"??? I just bought it, and my hubby and I will be using it. Just to strengthen our marriage. We have our problems too, who doesn't? But, just try to see her point of view, and try to get her to see yours. Good luck,,,,, take care...


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## resqtech

So tell me this then. When am I supposed to work with our own customers? My so called "regular" job is Monday through Friday 8:00 to 5:00. When do I work with the customers that are paying us every month?


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## marina72

I have no idea.... its your call is you want to be married or not. I have no idea what business you are trying to run, or get off the ground, or what the heart of this truly is. But, perhaps now was not the time to start trying to build a business when you've got a new wife and kids? I have no idea... you seem more like you want to pick a fight, than actually needing adivce....

I wish you luck. Take care..


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## resqtech

I am looking for non biased, fact based advice. Not simply saying you should be happy with what you have deal with it.


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## Leahdorus

resqtech, your wife already told you she doesn't value money and things as much as she does your time. Yet you still want to earn the extra money. That is driving a huge wedge between you and your wife. Marina72 is just trying to help you see that. It also sounds like you are resentful of the fact that your wife gets to have a more flexible job than you have. Well, life is not always equal . Not sure what else to say about that.

You want suggestions? OK, here are a few in no particular order. Just calling it like I see it...

1. Find a more flexible corporate job to provide benefits and give you more time w/ family.
2. Schedule your home business time for late in the evening after your kids are in bed and you've spent time with your wife.
3. Quit your home based business.
4. Quit your day job and put 100% time into home biz. Buy benefits yourself.
5. Don't make any changes. Suffer the consequences, which could include: your wife divorcing you, your wife nagging you til you can't stand it and you leave, your kids growing up always knowing that dad "is working" and not with them, your wife withdrawing and you live separate lives in the same house.
6. Talk to your wife about the time you need for home biz and *mutually* agree to certain hours and then stick to it.

I wish you luck. You do sound really angry about this.


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