# My husband stays out all night



## Yellowcat (Mar 6, 2014)

Occasionally my husband will go out with friends or by himself. He always promises to not be late but every time he stays way later than he said he was, he goes to places that are not appropriate for a married man to be hanging out, and usually he won't answer his phone or texts from me. I have caught him in lies many times in these situations. The last time he went out to a bar, and didn't come home all night. The next day I was looking around town for him, found his truck at the bar where he had been the night before, so I waited and he returned in a cab. He said he had met some guys and went to their house to party - in a town 30 miles away. Yea right. I cry all of the time cause I don't know where he is and if I do get a hold of him, he lies, gets mad and hangs up on me, then turns his phone off. Please help, I don't know what to do, I know I am letting him walk all over me but I don't know how to change this without leaving him. We have been together for 20 years and I do love him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Sorry, if you aren't willing to divorce him, there's not much you can do that will work. Do you really want to spend another 20 years living like this?

I suggest you try the 180. But pay special attention to the fact that it is for YOU, NOT to try and win him back. It will prepare you for the day when you do summon the strength to divorce him. Do a google search for The 180 The Healing Heart and you'll find it.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

You may love him...A LOT...but his actions aren't saying the same.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Hire a PI to follow him next time, take picture and videos. They you will have some ammunition.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

Have you considered or tried marriage counseling? I agree with the other posters as well. I took your post to mean you think he isn't being faithful. If so, you might get some more help if you post in the "coping with infidelity" section.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Is there somewhere you can go for a few days? Maybe when he gets home and doesn't see you there he'll wake up. I know it sounds like fighting fire with fire, but his behavior is not taking you or your feelings into account. Not to mention, when he IS home so are you. Turn it around. It may open a dialogue about why he's avoiding you and partying all the time.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Why stay. Seems to me your feelings are the last thing he's concerned about.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

It sounds bad, but may I try to understand more. Is this unusual behavior? On here, we are often quick to assume the worst.


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

"The last time he went out to a bar, and didn't come home all night"

"he lies, gets mad and hangs up on me, then turns his phone off".

This is incredibly disrespectful behaviour for a married man, and in my opinion your husband is doing it because HE CAN. Yellowcat, we teach people everyday how to treat us by showing them what we will and won't put up with. What are the consequences for your husband for treating you so poorly, besides you crying and wringing your hands?

I used to be a big softie myself. My exH lied and walked all over me all the time. Trust me when I say that the only way you have a shot at changing this situation is for you to find the strength to stand up for yourself and what you believe to be right and fair.


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