# My Husband is a shop-a-holic! Help!



## RMJV26 (Mar 10, 2013)

I've been married for a year in half. My husband makes most of the money. He has his job. I have mine. And We have a business together. He came up with the business and its all his knowledge but I do all the taxes, payroll, sales, pretty much 90% of the work. But because he is the brains behind it I will always feel like the business is his. 

Anyway, the business brings in tons a money a month. But We have 4 car payments. Our mortgage payment. He has another house that he rents out so that pays for itself in the mean time. Ever since he started making more he started buying more. And the past few months it has gotten out of control. He is addicted to online shopping. 

In January we had a serious conversation. We were going to open a savings account. He promised he wouldn't spend on anymore clothes because he has plenty. And we were going to start paying more than the monthly statement on the cars and homes. The savings account still isn't open. He hasn't paid more on the monthly statements. And I walked into our 3rd bedroom closet looking for something..that is just a guest room that we never use and found a stack of shoe boxes and stacks of shirts and like 6 suits. I was stunned and couldn't believe it! I confronted him about and first he denies he bought it recently. He said he's had it for months. I didn't believe him. I logged into his shopping website that he buys from and I saw several orders this month! The most recent one being over $10,000 on clothes he doesn't need!!!!!!!! He can't fit anymore clothes in the master closet anymore and now he's using our other 2 bedroom closets for clothes! That right there shows he has a problem with shopping. He has this need to be so flashy needing designer clothes..I just don't get it. He wasn't like this when I met him. But now that he makes so much money its made him so materialistic!

I confront him about this and then he throws it in my face that he makes all the money and he can do what he wants with it. It just really hurts me so much. He turns it around starts attacking me and making me feel like the bad guy. He doesn't want to talk about it. Just ignores me. So we're not speaking now. We're sleeping in different rooms right now. I don't know what to do. When we're on good terms he always says "whats mine is yours" but then when I confront him about this he changes..

We have a trip coming up in April that we need $$ for. That money could go to the car and mortgage payments. And we've been needing some furniture for our home but he told me to wait until we had more money. It angers me so much!

I want us to save money. We're young. I'm 24 and he's 28. I've seen first hand how this can end up. My parents had tons of money at one point but my dad didn't know how to manage it and now they have nothing living day by day as they can. I want to live comfortably. I've told him that I would like the cars paid off before we have kids And he always agrees with me on things like that but he doesn't show it in his actions


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you do most of the work for the business, how does he earn all the money? That makes now sense.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is your name on the ownership paperwork for the business or are you only working at the business?

Can he run the business with out you?


----------



## RMJV26 (Mar 10, 2013)

My name is on the business. He could easily run it without me..but I do most of the work.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you get paid with a separate paycheck for what you do for the business?

What I'm getting at is that you are 50% owner (i assume) and you do most of the work. 50% of the income in yours. What I suggest you do is to start paying yourself.

Do the two of you move all of the business income to your personal accounts monthly (or very often?) You should be paying each of you a salary and the rest goes into the business account and is not distibuted until end of year or on some schedule that meshes with tax obligations. 

Do you have a college degree? Are you an accountant? I'm asking because it counts when taking into consideration what you are worth to this company and how much you are compensated.

I've seen so many companies where women do what your are doing. They downplay their own contribution to the company and let their husband bully them into being nobody of important. 

You need to build up your position and your income earning here. Be a read partner in all ways. This is for legal, financial and career growth reasons.

YOu say that the idea is his. But now that the business is going well and you do most of the work, could you create the same kind of business? You have the model now. The reason for this question is that you put a lot of importance on him having the idea. But now, if he does not treat you right, did he create his competition? This gives you move political strength to push back on him about the finances. He's not earning the income alone. You are the one working on it.

What does he do all day while you are running the business?


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

RMJV26 said:


> My name is on the business. He could easily run it without me..but I do most of the work.


Then let him run it by himself. He'll have less time to shop.


----------

