# Looking for the answers



## EYESnowOPEN (Aug 21, 2011)

The story,
I have always been decanted to my work, 200% I gave it my all. I been employed as a Operations Manager for years with very successful track record, so much when rumors started about possible being available offer would start coming in for employment.
This was the problem, I never seen what I was doing to my Family, must less how bad it was on my wife to always to be last. I mean forgetting birthday, anniversary, dropping out of vacations and family gathering at the last minute. 
She had tried to get me to slow down for the last 5 years but I could not see what was going on at home because I was wrapped up in work. she had enough and left July 1st moving back to her moms with a word to me. I had not even noticed until her pillows wore gone.
Two weeks later it hit me!!! hard!! I was making bad decisions at work, I was thinking of everything going on a home for a change. we were in the middle of a Major project start were I normally shine and was very unprepared for every meeting . I was forced to sell out my interest in the company. I went home and cried my eyes out, I had lost everything my family and company. I can not recall the last time I cried. I fell apart in a million peaces. She heard about and came over at night sneaking out like a teenage and going back before they woke for a few days trying to help me out.
I some how opened my eyes for the first time. I hated what I was looking at, the more I dug into my pasted the more hate and pain was building inside me, I would not see or speak to anyone. All I could see was I was getting exactly what I had done to myself. I thought of end it all for sometime, the reason I did not, well I had caused her so much pain over the years I could not bring myself cause her any more, no matter that meant no relief to my pain.
I have gone throw a major change it my life. A rebirth or something. I know I'll never look at the would the same again. I have asked her to come home, and not surprisingly she not showing much interest in the idea. I been working on myself with counseling, cleaning, fixing, doing project she wanted done the things I never had time for. She has vesited some and says look nice. When Asked about getting back together she says she still loves me and there is one else, she says that there is nothing left in side her and we did fight a good bit the last two years (mostly about her trying to open my eyes or money) and did not want to have the kids in the middle of this. I have only gotten to see them with her only 30 min to 2 hours 3 times sense she been gone. She had said she would go to counseling but I made 3 appointments and she never showed. I had invited her mom to dinner with all of us as me and her had texted about the night before and I got no reply from her mom. when she come by last night late with our girl and her friend for 30 min and she looked stressed out bad. I wrote her a email this morning saying that she knows how I feel and will help her with anything, but if I'm the reason for the stress (Her mother and step father clam to be staying out of this, but I have doughs about that) I would be here for her but I would not bother her anymore.

so what should I do???


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Keep doing what you're doing but stop asking her to move home. She may see your progress in time and decide for herself.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You cannot 'make' her feel differently.

It took years for her to build up to the place where she had enough.

Your word, simply isn't going to cut it.

I agree, you don't need to like the circumstances, but you do need to accept them. Stop trying to win her back NOW.

Show her what you are willing to do, instead of telling her about it.

Right now, your words don't mean much to her. Actions will speak volumes.


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## EYESnowOPEN (Aug 21, 2011)

I could have left out, her son is 17 and is my-step-son we never seen eye to eye,me wanting to see him in a solid career path, not with a band. Well I don't give a S%%* anymore as long as it's working for him. we have talked so at first, he in shock about the revlations happening, and that this old mean fart was a roadie and stage crew hand............

DAMN, WOW, were have I been...........

and I have a date with my wife this weekend......


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Enjoy the date. Be upbeat. Be fun.

DO NOT talk about the future. If she brings it up ... say something like:
"Let's just focus on having a good time right now." Say it with a smile.

Doing that will demonstrate more of your willingness to change than a 3 hour counseling session.


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