# Advice from men please...?



## misfitmischief (Aug 18, 2013)

There is something that happened in my past that I still think about from time to time. My fiance, when I first met him, was not exactly a good boyfriend. On many of our earliest dates, he would ramble nonstop about his ex-girlfriend and how he had sex with her so many times. He would then make some comment about how awesome the sex was, but how horrible she was for cheating on him. I found out eventually that he lied about ever having sex with her, and that he was a virgin when we met. But, from a guy's point of view, why would you talk about an ex-gf on new dates with a girl you think is so amazing?
This was just one of many, many problems we had in the beginning. A new problem soon came into play. He had a female friend. He claimed that it was purely platonic, but I eventually found a ton of flirtatious text messages in his phone, all of them sexual, all from her. In the texts, he said stuff like, "hey beautiful, I miss you soo bad and I need to see you, I'm going crazy without you" or, "I love you so much, gorgeous" or, they would play the whole "no, I love YOU MORE" game. I was sickened when I found out that she had sent him a text asking if me and him were still dating. He told her that he was going to break up with me, and then come and see her at a restaurant. (obviously the breakup between us never happened).
Why, from a man's point of view, would you say these things to a woman if you never thought of her in any kind of romantic way? I guess I'm just needing to hear what a male would think of this behavior.
There was another female friend I forgot to mention. He would also talk about her all the time, and she would do things like call him when we were on dates in order to cry about her boyfriends and get his relationship advice. She would call him "hunnie". And, one time he ditched plans with me so that he could go hang out with her and console her because an acquaintance from school died. (This sounds harsh, but I know that she wasn't that great of friends with the boy who passed away. I think it was an excuse to hang out with him. She also called him at one in the morning and asked if she could come over to his house ALONE).
The following things happened before we met but they don't make sense to me: There are just so many inconsistencies in his story. He was in a fraternity and drank so heavily that he failed college after only a year and a half, but he claimed to be a virgin? I know I shouldn't follow stigmas/cliche's, but still...
He claims that he went to a party and had heavy make-out sessions with at least five girls in a row, because he was having a competition with his friend. Not to mention, he let a girl perform oral sex on him that he had just met. Does this sound like the behavior of a virgin? I just don't know...
The stuff about the other girls happened around two and a half years ago, and I am trying desperately to let it go. But it won't go away, no matter how hard I try! I just feel like he is lying about some of these things... and I don't want to marry someone who covered up his actions in order to get me to forgive him...


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

A lot of red flags. Not only by him. You were barely dating and you were already snooping through his phone......not a good sign.


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## misfitmischief (Aug 18, 2013)

We had been dating several months, were already saying we love each other, and were talking about getting engaged in the near future when I looked at his phone... he would constantly angle his phone away away from me when texting. he would grab my phone constantly and play games on it without asking me first, and I would see him looking thru my messages. finally i got fed up. i reached for his phone once, not planning on looking thru anything, just to see his reaction. he panicked and practically ran the car off the road (we were driving at the time) in order to get his phone back. that was when i decided to look at his messages. im not proud of it, but i wanted to know the truth...


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## ShyEnglishman (Aug 23, 2013)

Hello. I'm sorry to have to tell you what I expect you don't want to hear.

It sounds very much to me like your chap is not ready to commit to you. Worse, he is playing games with you, and not in a good way.

Is he a virgin or not? Who knows. I know that when I was much younger, before I met my wife, I occasionally let ladies believe I was a virgin. Some women find that sweet, some find it a turn on, I knew this and used that knowledge to my advantage more than once in order to become what I thought I needed to be in order to get into the girl's pants. In the most frank terms, as a young man I frequently lied and portrayed the image the target woman wanted to see in order to get her to want sex with me.

These other girls you mention, one of which he's been having flirty texts with, does she believe she is his girlfriend? Are there other girls that also believe they are his girlfriend?

You finish up my talking about marriage. In my head I can hear great loud sirens kicking off. I've seen marriages fail, and I've seen the emotional wreckage of good friends that have been through it. It would be a terrible idea to enter into it unless you are 100% convinced that it is right. Not 99.9%, it has to be 100%.

You said all these troubles were 2 and a half years ago. Are you sure? It is possible. When I met my wife I was a bit of a player at the time, but I grew out of it and settled down. 15 years on my wife and I are still very much in love, so I know it can happen, but if I were you, I'd want to be sure first.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

He is a pathological liar and seems to have control issues.
Signs of an abuser.


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