# Counseling to help move on



## ZoeCat (Nov 20, 2009)

My husband and I have finally signed the divorce papers and had them notarized. H has everything and it is now up to him to file and get us a court date. I am starting to accept the fact that our marriage is over, but there are still issues in the back of my mind that are preventing me from really moving forward. 

I suggested to H that couples counseling would do us both good -not as a means of reconciliation (I won't lie - there is still a part of me that hopes we can work things out), but as a way to move forward. It would be a constructive means for us to put all of the issues on the table and hopefully learn something about ourselves and how not to make the same mistakes again. 

Would this even be a good idea or am I still trying to find hope where there is none? Is it wrong of me to want to discuss issues when we never really communicated while together?


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## Cgreene21 (Feb 11, 2010)

I wouldn't push the issue with him, as sad as it may seem. If he is really set on getting the divorce, and has gone so far as to have the paper work notarized, it will just cause you more pain in the end...trust me, there is nothing quite like expecting your SO to show up for counseling, only to be left standing there alone. Also, if he really isn't accepting of the idea of counseling, than he is not going to take it seriously at all, and it will be a waste of time and money for you both.

What I do suggest is going on your own. Go for yourself to help you through this. If you want, mention that you are going and maybe he will want to join you.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Cgreene21 said:


> What I do suggest is going on your own. Go for yourself to help you through this. If you want, mention that you are going and maybe he will want to join you.


I agree with CG, individual session might be best for you at the moment as it will help you to move forward. Best of luck to you ZC!


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## ZoeCat (Nov 20, 2009)

Thanks for the replies. I am doing individual counseling. I made the suggestion to him and I haven't said another word. So far nothing from him, so I will drop the issue.

Thanks


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

ZoeCat, my wife also made the suggestion for couples counseling after the divorce to see where "I" went wrong. My shrink said it was too late to matter. a trap, and to stay away as all she is going to do is make up more reasons for why she walked out. My stb exw isn't ready to accept any blame for her actions and couples counseling right after the divorce would be counter productive in my situaton. 

It's better to get individual counseling and work on healing and moving on instead of placing blame. My shrink won't even let me talk about my stb-ex at this point. It's all about how I'm going to heal and develop a positive outlook. Just my 2 cents. 

I would also reccommend a really good book called "uncoupling" 

Amazon.com: Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships (9780679730026): Diane Vaughan: Books

It talks about the dynamics of what the leaver does and how the partner often never knows what is happening. It has given me great insight into the whole process and as the remaining partner, I no longer feel guilty for missing the warning signs as they were hidden on purpose.


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