# Differing viewpoints?



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i know it is what makes the world go round, and it also makes forums like this so much fun to read and participate in.

One issue i have though is it seems an overwhelming percentage of our lady members are far tougher on men when they have affairs versus women who have had affairs. It seems like alot of the ladies almost approve of their gender "taking care" of themselves when their needs aren't met in a marriage versus their opinion of a man in similar circumstances. I've seen situations where a man is on here talking about his wife straying and some of the ladies will try to make him responsible for her actions.

I'm not trying to start a war but after several months on here, this is my observation.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

it could very well be my wild and vivid imagination, i look forward to more constructive feedback


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

okeydokie said:


> I've seen situations where a man is on here talking about his wife straying and some of the ladies will try to make him responsible for her actions.


this was the most interesting thing i read when i came on here. but i noticed it for both sexes.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

I think rather than look at infidelity as a particularly male or female trait people on here generally look at the particular circumstances that are described.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Takes two to tango. And two to NOT tango. 

I feel that People in relationships have affairs because their emotional needs are not getting met. Emotional Affairs, Physical Affairs. It's all about feeling unwanted, and frustrated. Not communicating, not being heard. Not getting what you want and need from the person you are with. 

Does that forgive it? No. But then I'm too blunt and hate the sneaking around. I've told men before that I will have an affair if they don't want me anymore and would expect the same from my mate. But then I make that VERY clear at the very beginning of a relationship.

Some people like the 'thrill' of the affair. That's too much trouble for me.


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## KingJust (Sep 19, 2008)

I think everyone is sidestepping or *****footing around it. It is true, men are pounded on harder for cheating while women make excuses for why they did it. It's a blame game, and it always seems to fall back to the "he" wasn't there for me, "he" doesn't fulfill me, or doesn't give me what I want. If you have made an opinion other than blaming the man, than good for you. But just look at other sites, it's not an even scale of bashing going around. Man cheats, he's a dog, women cheats, she's not getting what she needs at home. C'mon, be real about. Just like the unfairness in divorce proceedings! Women can deny that they don't have any type of upper hand in domestic situations, it's just a ploy when they really know they do. Just my opinion based on experience, reading, and other peoples stories.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I haven't noticed that in here. I would have to agree with M22, that it depends on the situations. When I read about repeat offenders, serial cheaters, it's hard to think the person is remorseful and hard to find a reason to stay in the marriage. However, I've seen both men and women who have cheated and love their spouse and are truely remorseful. I see much more hope for these marriages working through it and in some cases being even stronger.

I also think understanding why it happened is the best way to rebuild the marriage, but again the offender needs to be remorseful and ready and willing to regain their partner's trust.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I have noticed as Well Okey, I definately see the bias, when women cheat as opposed to men, men have seen harsher critism.

I have also noticed something interesting.....

The man should respect the womans needs and there for do what the woman wants....

I have never seen it or very rare seen, "the woman is not respecting the man's needs and should do what he wants." usually it leads to the Man is a pervert and there is somethign wrong with him.

Of course I agree and disagree with every situation and it's uniqueness.

Take for instance...

I want to try anal, my wife doesn't. I will be told, well your wife says no you should accept that and respect her.


Ok, but I still want to try it, should I go somewhere else? If I do that is cheating, but I wanted to respect my wife's right to say no. 

But I tell my wife I am dying to see what it is like, and I will not do it with anyone else, that it is either with her or no one, but I want to do it......Finally after years of trying she gives in.

have I disrespected her? am I the pervert? etc.

No I am a married man who loves his wife and wants to try everything in the world with her, and not some other woman or professional, I want to experience it with HER.

I have explained this to her and she is starting to understand...

it's not the thrill of doing it...to do it....because I can go anywhere and "do it"

It's the thrill of doing it WITH HER, that I find appealing. That we give our whole "selves" to each other for lifes experimentation and curiosities.

As I said, anything she she ever wanted to do, I am game and willing to try, because I love her. She should be the same (with in reason I am talking physical or mental harm here people)

There is a fine line, defiantely, but it is up to the couple and their own personal beliefs to mold it and fit their life styles.

I think men are not treated as emotional creatures since we hide alot of it, that we are viewed as dogs, becuase we try with our spouses and get rebuffed or told we are sick perverts, some then stray or go somewhere else for their needs.

Marriage is trust and communication and it is a two way street, either you have it or you don't, but you need both.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

yeah, i have seen alot more since i started this thread, it isnt hard to find it


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Mommy22 I think you are pretty straight with your critisms on both sexes. But you can find it out there with others.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

i've seen that men are asked to understand everything bad that happens and assume inplied blame. i think it's because of the roles we are asked to play when there is dischord (sp) in the relationship. man's role is to honor, woman's role...well, i don't know. now, i fully expect response saying that "i honor my husband" and i'm sure you do. but when something goes bad in a relationship and it's man's fault, man is expected to go over the top to gain back trust, love, whatever...woman is not expected to give back trust, love, whatever, in direct proportion to the effort being made by man.

therefore, for the man who has strayed...it's his job (if he wants the relationship to succeed) to work towards earning back that which has been lost due to the affair. AND to understand that it doesn't automatically come back.

for the woman who has strayed, she has not had her "needs fulfilled" emotionally. hence the progression from an emotional to a physical affair. she has an excuse provided. 

although both genders could make the same case for having an affair, man's role is the same regardless. earn back whatever has been lost. at least that's the observation i've made while visiting here.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I don't chime in very often...and usually not on subjects with which I have no experience or exposure -- but I'm inclined to agree here. 

The men are told to work to get it back (i.e. they're horn dogs), the women have the excuse of needing something they're not getting at home (i.e. they're forgiven). 

Well, these reasons/excuses work both ways, in theory, just not often (it seems) in practice. JMHO


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I think your gender will skew the way you view it. So, men think women get more of a break, and women think it's just univerally accepted for men to cheat, that it's seen as okay, or something that they just can't "control".... it all depends on how you look at it I guess. I think the point is moot, since men or women that cheat, have strong personality issues that need to be worked on. and mistakes are made, and have to be rectified, it's a part of life, and a part of growing. Having never cheated on a partner, I can't speak to what it's like to be the offender, but I do know what it's like to be the cuckold, and if reallllly sucks!


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