# Much needed help please



## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Hi All

New to this forum so I will begin with my current situation.

I have been with the love of my life for 10 years, we have three children and have been married for 4 years.

The pressures of debt, young children and my insecuritys took its toll on our relationship but for the best of time we were very happy together.

A month ago my wife told me she needed to move on with her life, in the space of two weeks she has moved into her own place with the children and I moved out. There has not been a day she has NOT contacted me, for the 1st week not very nice text, but i never responded back with angry just love.

I panicked the first week and did all the things I should not have, promised I would change and begged her back - obviously this did not work.

I helped her alot with the move as she does not have alot of people to help her so I made sure i did. And I even brought her a new wardrobe, rug etc for her new place. I have left her with my car and everything we brought as a couple, would not have it any other way as I love her and my children very very much.

Two days ago I got a text from her asking if she should come over, so I said yes, we had a nice evening and ended up sleeping together. Yesterday we saw each other again NO sex but just cuddled and watched a film together, she then went home.

This morning i got a Four text sent one after the other from her:

Text 1:

" I dont want to back to it being us again! I am happy being single and just getting on with it, but I don't think you are? I don't know it just feels like it's getting bit to much again?"

Text 2:

"And thats not what I want right now"

Text 3:

"You can text back"

Text 4:

I no that's probablly really annoyed you now but I just like things the way they are at the moment and I don't know I'm wrong in thinking you want things to go back to how they were?"

MY REPLY:

"Hi not at all? I am happy being single too I don't ever want us to get back together being the same people we were before. All I said yesterday is I am not intrested in meeting anyone else and if i do get to the point were I have meet someone else I would tell you first, and just wanted to ask if you would also?"

HER REPLY

"Oh OK ignore me then, yes I totally would tell you"

(This really hurt me)

MY REPLY

"maybe we should just stop seeing each other and texting from now on, I will pick up the kids on my weekends and set times to call them everynight, Obviously if you need to contact me regarding the children please DO, but other then that we should maybe cut ties and see how we both feel, I know you want to be single and this would help me move on from you i think x"

HER REPLY

"OK I understand, what time will you get them on saturday? X"

A min later she sends a random text about how she is trying to find a location and it is a nightmare????? so she has ignored my request to only contact if it is with regards to our children???

I am so confussed right now I love her so so much, But i dont want to come across needy anymore.

Any advice will really be appricated 

Thank you and sorry for the long post


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Any advice would be really greatful came on here to hopefully be able to talk to people as I don't have any close friends who I can turn to


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Cut her off.

Do exactly what you said you`d do.
No contact except for the kids.
Stop helping her.
Stop supporting her.

It probably wouldn`t hurt to have divorce papers drawn up and inform her you have no interest in being jerked around in this limbo.

Her reaction will tell you where her heart truly lies.

Don`t allow or enable this destruction of your marriage.
Get proactive now.


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Thank you, I think I knew I had to do it but just need someone to tell me , I love her very much and guess I am just frightened to let her go out of my life.

So confused as she was the one who ask to see me this week, she totally gave her self to me when we had sex and then she text me saying she still wants to be single?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She's a trainwreck right now.

Do not contact. Do not reply more than 3-4 words if she texts you and only if about kids.

She wants to be single. So make her be single.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Also, find out who the other man is.

I`d bet money there`s a new man in her life in some capacity.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I was just going to say that.

There's someone else in the picture. that's why it is so easy for her to be "whatever" about this. She has someone in backup.

Sucks to think about, but....that's what it sounds like to me. Sex with you was to test if anything was still there...and now she wants to be single.

this is all speculation, of course.


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

I truly don't think there is anyone else, maybe I am wrong but she never really has the time to meet other people and I think she is the type that would tell me if she had.

She was 19 when we had our first child and I her reason for the split we because I became very controlling, who she talked to, went out with etc.... Which is all true when I look back on how I behaved that side of me got out of control.

I have always been there for her and the kids but I think it hurt her to much that I didn't seem to trust her.

When we broke I asked had she met anyone else and she said No and she has no interest in meeting anyone else she just wants to concentrate on getting a secure future, job, house etc without debts.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Robbie,

You could be entirely correct and there is no other male interest but the odds are against it.
The fact of the matter is if you want to save your marriage you must find out if there is or not because it will alter the actions you must take to fix it.

Do you really think she'd be honest with you if she were interested in someone else?

If there is another man and you didn't account for him everything you do will be in vain.

I'd go ahead and take the advice I gave above while doing some snooping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are talking about a woman who left you. Did she tell you she was leaving and wasn't happy? She wouldn't tell you about someone she fancies.

You're right, there could most likely not be anyone else, but...you thought you knew her for years, and she left.

Don't put it past her.


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Thanks tacoma, I will start seeing if there is anything to suggest that there might be someone else.


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

You right i wouldn't put it past her but it has been on the cards for a while, we kind of broke up last year albeit only two weeks and constant miss you messages. She told me she see's her friends who are with there partners who trust them and it was not fair of me not to trust her. Last time we broke up she said it will be good for me as I will see she has no interest in meeting other people.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

The most ironic thing is that her leaving whenever she feels "untrusted" is a major reason not to trust her.

You may have been controlling Robbie and that isn`t good but how can you trust someone who keeps doing this to you in the first place?

Her actions do not inspire trust they inspire insecurity and mistrust.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea I couldn't allow my home to be a revolving door for my mate just whenever he feels untrusted or whatever.

I'd not trust her either. Shady shady.


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Totally you have it the nail on the head! how can i ever feel secure if she walks out. She also told me she feels her friends will hate her if she changes her mind, as they have seen how upset it makes her and told her she must break away!

Her friends get too involved and she relys to much on pleasing them


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Don't ask her friends or family though, they will most likely give you the official story, and then will tell her you were prying...making you look controlling and weak in her eyes. What snooping you do needs to be quiet. Even if you know her fr/fam well, everything you hear from them should be in question. If she does have someone else in the picture she will likely be telling them an altered version of the story to ease her transition in their eyes.

Not trying to pile on your W here, she may indeed be unhappy and playing things in the right order by leaving first for her own happiness. But most of us here found out differently after hearing those things from our partners.

FB, email, text backups on your pc (if she has an iPhone or other smartphone that she syncs to it), etc. whatever you can find and quietly.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. She cares what her friends think and not you?

I would definitely say there's someone else...and that she's immature if she listens to her friends so much.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

And be prepared to start letting go, sounds like you already know this, but believe it. Focus on yourself and get used to the idea that it's okay to move on, don't be afraid to lose her. Easier said than done but you'll get there.

No more financial help, no more helping her move, she wants to leave, she must do it. Don't let her use you to make her leaving easier (especially if you find there's someone else). She wants to be single, let her figure things out. 

Why does she have the kids with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Thank you, She lives close to the school and has the car, I live with my brother at the moment so it makes more sense them being with her.

If i found out there was another guy that would be it, i have more self respect then to ever go back.

I guess i need to spend more time on myself and what will be will be.

Thanks for all the responses.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Well damn that`s another serious problem you have.

Her friends are "toxic" friends meaning they are poison to your marriage.

You will have to get her away from their influence somehow.

Lets see, I`m betting they are all either single or divorced and are the ones putting the "He`s controlling" into her head.

They are badmouthing you and influencing her decisions.

They are very dangerous.


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## robbie23rd (Feb 23, 2012)

Yep ! you got it Tacoma, her best friend has a child by one guy and another with her current BF, the others all single parents.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Absolutely no more sex Robbie!!

Women believe they can control and manipulate men sexually.
They believe this because it`s true.

Any sexual come on she gives you at this point must be looked at as an effort to keep you in line.

Don`t allow it.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

robbie23rd said:


> Yep ! you got it Tacoma, her best friend has a child by one guy and another with her current BF, the others all single parents.


Yeah, I could write a text book about it.

It`s depressing, they have to be countered somehow.


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