# How to say no to expenditure?



## Canadien (Feb 20, 2016)

Hello guys, so I have a special situation in a marriage as I am Canadian and had an arrange marriage in india.
My wife since coming to Canada and completed her study and working since last year; she has made many friends and integrated well into Canadian culture; yet, it seems we are spending way to much money on activity and friends and for her keeping relations strong with friend and extended family is very important.
Another factor making this situation worse is she has low income family back in India so she has to send gifts and money to India, and now she wants to visit india; and I just feel that this movement of money is gone put us on the wrong side.
Until now, I was taking care of finances so I did not fuss much about it when my wife wanted to go to restaurant or club with friends but with her family expenditure I'm really feeling the heat now.
How can I make her understand that we can't buy house in the future with this kind of expenditure ongoing.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is this a cultural expectation? A US coworker of mine was Indian and every time he went back to India he was expected to bring back gifts for all of the extended family.

Your only solution is to budget a certain amount of money each year for gifts, money transfers to India or travel to India. Wife can decide what she wants to spend it on, but no more than the budget allows.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I shouldn't complain. Every time my wife visits her country (Frigidistan, in Central Asia) she takes a Costco's worth of packaged foods...but money - no way.

The issue has caused lots of conflict among my Indian buddies BTW so it's not unusual.


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## Canadien (Feb 20, 2016)

The issue has become about once identity; my wife is married and is expected to fulfill few responsibility by Indian Standard; Yet, she never got a chance to go out and make friends in India, as dating guys is something seen as taboo in india by girls especially in traditional families.
So, she is exploring her self here so she makes friends who she can enjoy time and these are mostly single guys who came over from my country, who I have met; she wants to enjoy the usual Canadian things like going to downtown, restaurant, club and celebrating new year and other things.

it is right up to the point, yet she has to move past that in a long run as all her cousin sisters have children now and my parents are asking about when they'll have grand children,
And this is something she has to come in terms with, along with helping her family vs visiting India; We do not have a million dollar bank balance to simply say Yes to all our wants and needs and a person can not simply say no to responsibility and expect other people who live on traditional ideology to simply understand it. 

I allow my wife to go out to club, restaurant and do other activities with her friends to maybe fulfill her dreams and expectation; Yet, she has to come up with term that in long term she needs to get a baby and possibly buy a house to move forward in life. A Person only stays in College for few years, they simply have to move forward and make other things priority over time.


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