# Cheating Father



## Notmyfather (Jun 10, 2011)

I need some help please. I am pretty certain that I have just discovered that my father is having an affair. I haven't looked into it completely but I would say that this has been going on for at least two years. I also have the feeling that he may have cheated on my mother with several different people over a number of years. Do I confront him about it, do I tell my mother, and if I do confront him should I make him confess everything to my Mum? We are a very close family (despite my Dad's promiscuity) and finding out that my father is having an affair would absolutely break my Mum. My parents have been married for over 30yrs and everyone looks at their relationship as a pillar of strength. Not only will it tear my mother up, but most likely my siblings as well. My mother may not be perfect, but she doesn't deserve this. This is killing me. Please help.


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Wow, this is a tough one.
Me.. I would probably have a quiet sit down, and tell him why I think he's having an affair. Then I would watch his reaction very carefully before proceeding.

I'll sit back and see how this thread plays out.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Nobody deserves it.

perhaps if you don't want to be involved in the mess of it, write your father an anon email, asking him for the sake of his children, wife and family that he ends his affair, reveals himself, and foes into marriage counseling, or else it will be revealed to your mother any way.

Your mother deserves to know, as he could be exposing her to STI's and he also runs the risk of falling in love eventually, amongst other factors.


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## Notmyfather (Jun 10, 2011)

I was planning on confronting him and seeing how he reacts. Originally I was not planning on telling my Mum, and telling my father to stop everything and spend the rest of his life making his marriage work. I know that's selfish but I also don't want to see my Mum in pain. But I am now pretty confident that he slept with someone from an ad in the paper as well, and I now wonder which is going to be better for my Mum and our family.


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## Sailor's Daughter (Aug 22, 2011)

Notmyfather said:


> I was planning on confronting him and seeing how he reacts. Originally I was not planning on telling my Mum, and telling my father to stop everything and spend the rest of his life making his marriage work. I know that's selfish but I also don't want to see my Mum in pain. But I am now pretty confident that he slept with someone from an ad in the paper as well, and I now wonder which is going to be better for my Mum and our family.


I would love to know what you decided to do about your dad. I had a very similar situation happen to me this last week. I talked to my dad, (age 70) about it. It was like the hardest thing I have ever done. Please post or send me a message.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

If you have concrete evidence about the affair sit down with your father and confront him and ask him to come clean to your mom within 24 hours. Any later you tell your mom no exceptions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

No. Absolutely not. Stay out of your parents sex lives. Your mother isn't a stupid person, She is well aware if there is something going on or not and can handle it herself.

Besides, every relationship is different sexually and people don't discus their sex lives with their children. Your mom may have a medical condition where she isn't able to have sex with your father and he may have permission to have a friend with benefits. Your parents may be swingers or have an open relationship. 

Families talk about sex in general terms. No Parent is going to discuss with you how they enjoy rough anal sex, or how good your dad is with his tongue. Its just not going to happen. So you really don't know whats going on in their bedroom. 

Stay out of it.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I disagree with the above post. I think that is awful advice.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I disagree with the above post. I think that is awful advice.


Me and the wife have an open relationship. We allow each other to have a long term relationship with one person. Daughter found out about the wife's friend and unsure what to do about it, she discussed what she should do with some family members. 

Now, what should my wife say? Tell her the truth about our open relationship? Our daughter discussed our sex life with several other people. Whats to stop her from making the situation worse by telling the family were swingers or that were both having an affair? We cant tell the daughter, it will get back to the family and our circle of friends. 

What options are left? Lie and pretend she had an affair and go through the pantomime of fixing the relationship? Thats not fair, wifes not doing anything wrong. Deny the whole thing and simply turn the daughter into a stalker following around my wife? 

After discussing it, we decided that what we do in bed is no bodies business. When our daughter finally demanded an answer. Wife told her to mind her own business. When my daughter came to me to tell me about my wife, I told her the same thing. Its the only response that is both safe and appropriate. We are very private people and we try to be discrete about our chosen lifestyle, but sometimes things come out.

Look, Spouses know when there is an affair going on. Just look at the threads on this forum. People pick up on the clues all the time. If there is an affair, The wife knows or suspects it already.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> i will have to second...stay out of your parents business.
> 
> their are going to be 2 relationships you will have a hands off approach with is..grown kids, and parents...
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## lotuslove (Aug 10, 2011)

Yikes.. I can see both sides to people's responses. How old are you?


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