# Guys you have been a great help... I finally just did it!



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

No I didnt leave him Its always a few steps forward and lots of steps back and most of it is tied to lack of sex (even though he is the gatekeeper on that one). Im tired of talking bc he gets nothing but defensive. So I did 2 things... jumped him the other night and instead of backing off when he played hard to get, I kept moving in and he loved it! He thought it was super hot. (Does that mean he wants me to be the aggressor and not "take no" for an answer?)

I also drew on my marriage and family therapy training from years ago and cut out the talking and substituted writing each other. Not emailing bc they can turn into fierce battles. He was very on board with this. We were to write what we envisioned marriage to be, and then give to each other to read, with no commentary, just seeing what the other wrote. The next step is to write, based on what we read from the other and our own beliefs, how to fit those 2 stories together. He is very up for this as well. The theory with these exercises is that you dont read already gearing up your rebuttle so you can actually take in what you are reading, and rebuttle is not allowed, thereby showing non-judgement of the other. He got so nervous right after I started reading that he mistook my smile as I was reading as a smirk. I quickly and happily said Im smiling at what you wrote not judging... poor guy has weak ego. What we each wrote is not far off from each other.

back to the sex (of course)... does this mean if I just kept going before he would have given in and gotten into it immensely? He LOVED it! Last night he teased me alot too... with this tongue thing he does that drives me wild... its like he likes to see me get all out of sorts... especially in places we cant do anything. I just tell him thanks for the female equivalent of blue basll! I was not very sexually diverse before I met him and did not have to do anything really except be myself to have guys all over me... they liked my laid back, no nonsense attitude. The problem is I think the women my husband was with before may have had a lot more sexual gumption. I thought I tried my hardest when I had the french maid outfit (which he totally rejected... and then 5 minutes later tried to get me to get back into it). I have to say honestly that since that french maid outfit rejection, I have not gone to any effort to have sex and left it largely in his court bc I didnt want him to say no. That does not mean I havent initiated, but the only initiating I would do was to start kissing him or touch him lightly down there bc it would be less embarrassing or hurtful to get rejected without so much effort.

He definitely has his preferences sex related... I would like to take the lead in things I havent yet done but want to try out but am scared to bc of our recent history. Should I go for it anyway and risk feeling humiliated?

If I left anything out and you need more info, please ask. Im still in shock that he let me dictate the other night's hot time! Do guys with weak ego's need that in a woman, but they cant say it? Thanks!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

It sounds like you have had an awakening. Good for you.
Most men that I have talked to here and in person love it when their usually submissive wife takes the lead.
Roll with it, Hot Stuff!

You will probably push his envelope a little and may get turned down on a few things. Don't let it get you down or shut you off. Think and remember the things that work and keep it up.
Try new stuff. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but be not only prepared, but willing to have some of your ideas shot down. Regroup and come up with something else.

Congratulations!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Another satisfied customer ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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