# Big deal or not or maybe....



## not_here (Jul 23, 2012)

My wife and I have friends who have children that are friends our children. Our friends relationship may be a little rocky. With this in mind my wife and the male friend of the couple text and talk regular on the mobile phones. I am not sure what constitutes “a lot” or “no big deal”, when viewing the records from the service provide some of the phone conversation last up to 45 minutes with the texting treads various from just a few to dozens. We have talked about in the past, but nothing to serious. The phone conversation and the text message nearly always occur when I am not around (that may be my greatest concern). Also, my wife has had male friends that she communicates with, which has always been just friends. Maybe I am being paranoid, reason for posting, looking for advice; is it a big deal or do I have too much time on my hands. Thanks for your follow-up.


----------



## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

It would be very wise to consider these things a big deal.

What does your wife say when you have told her those conversations make you uncomfortable?


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I am 51 years old. I have never had a personal phone conversation with a woman for more than 5 minutes who's pants I didn't want to remove.

NEVER.

I don't know what your wife wants out of that relationship, but I KNOW what he wants. You OK with that?


----------



## not_here (Jul 23, 2012)

We have had two brief talks, one about how the wife of our friend might perseve the "texting", the second about my concerns, but we did not get to deep into the conversations. But she stated how it was a friendship advice with family, which I know he has family concerns. The other item that seems odd is that when we are together with the male friend (without his wife) my wife seems to be standoffish.

Both my wife and the male firend are people of faith, I just not want this to bigger than it is or see something that is not there. 

Thanks for the reply!


----------



## not_here (Jul 23, 2012)

MrK... yep...agreed...that is the issue I have. That goes back to a comment she made about a high school friend she had. She saw him as only a friend, she found out he hoped for more.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

1 - Your wife won't talk about it.
2 - The guy is uncomfortable around you.
3 - 45 minute conversations.

:scratchhead:

Sorry mate, but you need to back off and set up some spying. It's not looking good.


----------



## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

not_here said:


> We have had two brief talks, one about how the wife of our friend might perseve the "texting", the second about my concerns, but we did not get to deep into the conversations. But she stated how it was a friendship advice with family, which I know he has family concerns. The other item that seems odd is that when we are together with the male friend (without his wife) my wife seems to be standoffish.
> 
> Both my wife and the male firend are people of faith, I just not want this to bigger than it is or see something that is not there.
> 
> Thanks for the reply!


Well, here's an easy test. Ask to be a part of the phone conversations and text conversations real time.

If they are innocent, your wife would theoretically be thrilled to share this part of her life with you, and have another angle for these family concerns.

If she resists the idea, you have a different conclusion.


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

not_here said:


> Both my wife and the male firend are people of faith, I just not want this to bigger than it is or see something that is not there.


My gut would be screaming over all the stuff you posted. On your "faith" comment, sorry, but I'm always amazed at how many cheating threads here involve an OM/OW met through church.

Of course this other guy is going to act strange around you. Even if this isn't an EA/PA, he KNOWS that he would not be cool with some other guy having 45 min phone conversations with his wife. He needs to find someone else's shoulder to cry on.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

BIG DEAL!

Why would a married woman text another married man often, especially when that guy is having issues in his own marriage? Oye. This is dangerous territory, imo. It can quickly turn to EA (if not already) and then PA. What does the wife in the situation think of your wife and her husband texting a lot? That can't be healthy for their "rocky marriage". 

He has friends. Your wife is not a therapist. Nip this.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

"People of faith" stumble all the time. Religion does not protect one from an affair.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Yes, Big Deal!


----------



## CraigW (Jul 7, 2012)

That is definitely cause for concern. People of faith is of absolutely no relevance. I'm not saying something is going on. Your wife could be just a sweet caring individual but the fact that NONE of these conversations on the phone happens in front of you is a red flag. Especially when they are both in front of you, they interact differently. I expect the best out of everyone but trust no one.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Even if they aren't "doing anything", your concerns should be enough for her to back off.

Additionally, if she's talking to him about his marriage problems, she should stay out of their business and stop giving advice.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I believe in trusting your instincts. So on that alone I'm going with it's a big deal.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Huge deal, in fact one of the most likely scenarios for affairs to develop is with a guy seeking support for his marriage. He will want to pursue more with your wife because unlike his wife, yours will listen to him extensively and complain or call him out on anything- she looks pretty good compared to his own wife.

Your wife gets drawn into him be use she spending all tht energy and emotion being compassionate and trying to fix his life. Soon she decides that he is a great guy, his wife is a witch and a fool for treating him so badly.

Your wife isn't his marriage counsellor, nor is she his rock to lean on.

So yes you've got a big problem here. Add to it their actions when together and it sure looks like they are over compensating fr trying to cover up a relationship that is going to inappropriate places.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should consider using a VAR and see of you can record her side of these conversations to find out just where this relationship has gone because that long of phone call is a huge out of the ordinary thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Better yet, ask your wife to show you all the texts back and forth on her phone. Make sure the amount matched what you see on the bill.

If she won't or they are all conveniently deleted, she knows this is wrong!

Is her phone now password protected?


----------

