# My husband films me during an argument to shut me down



## aieslyn

My husband shuts me down and tells me to stop talking whenever my point of view annoys him.

We had an argument directly after sex tonight about testosterone and whar affects it. When I tried to share my understanding he shut me down aggressively saying: shut the **** up I want to sleep and turned to the TV. We had just finished sex 5 minutes before and this conversation had immediately followed.

I pointed out that he is clearly not wanting to sleep if he is trying to make his point but won't listen to mine or is watching TV.

By shutting me down like this I felt invalidated. He got up and went downstairs saying he was going to do work. I told him just leaving me like this after sex and getting aggressive just because he didn't like what I had to say was not OK. He told me to go away or he would record me. He turn the camera on and stated recording. This made me more angry and I told him I felt that my privacy was being violated and to stop recording. He didn't. Is it OK for him to do this, help? I feel like him recording me was for the purpose of manipulating the conversation so that I wouldn't be able to talk or have a say.


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## joannacroc

Welcome. Does addiction play a role in this? Just noticing that you posted it in the addiction section.

Short answer is no that's not a great tactic for him to take and in some places it might even be illegal to record someone somewhere they have an expectation of privacy without their consent. 

Tell us a little bit more about the disagreement you two had about testosterone. I'm trying to figure out how he went from sex to angry and avoidant. My guess is it has something to do with what you said and his reaction to that.


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## Mr.Married

It’s possible you are a crazy loon and he had enough or maybe he is a douche bag. You will have to tell us a lot more to establish some context of the situation. Right now it sounds like you just want us to say you are right without giving us any details.


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## Andy1001

When did you change sex?


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## aieslyn

joannacroc said:


> Welcome. Does addiction play a role in this? Just noticing that you posted it in the addiction section.
> 
> Short answer is no that's not a great tactic for him to take and in some places it might even be illegal to record someone somewhere they have an expectation of privacy without their consent.
> 
> Tell us a little bit more about the disagreement you two had about testosterone. I'm trying to figure out how he went from sex to angry and avoidant. My guess is it has something to do with what you said and his reaction to that.


I had just watched a documentary about pleasure and the female orgasm but male pleasure related to hormones came up - this series is on Netflix - and the topic of testosterone being affected by multiple factors including lifestyle factors came up and I gave an example from the show, apparently testosterone rises when a man sees a gun. He then said, also when a man is at the gym or talking to chicks and he was of the opinion that the gun example was a stupid one for the show to give and that the gym or chicks example would have been better and more relevant. I said, well I dont really know what affects testosterone but perhaps if it is affected by gym or talking to chicks maybe the effect in those cases are minimal compared with the presence of a gun as men encounter women all the time in society, like how you are now talking to me and i'm a chick... he didn't like the point I was making and told me to "shut up and **** off". We then started arguing because I was upset by his response and told him he can't talk to me like that and just shut me down when I disagree with him and that speaking to me like this/treating me like this just after sex is really not OK..


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## aieslyn

joannacroc said:


> Welcome. Does addiction play a role in this? Just noticing that you posted it in the addiction section.
> 
> Short answer is no that's not a great tactic for him to take and in some places it might even be illegal to record someone somewhere they have an expectation of privacy without their consent.
> 
> Tell us a little bit more about the disagreement you two had about testosterone. I'm trying to figure out how he went from sex to angry and avoidant. My guess is it has something to do with what you said and his reaction to that.


He has an alcohol and drug problem. He uses dexies daily and is an alcoholic though im not sure if he had drunk tonight though he did take dexies today.


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## Mr.Married

Ok then douche bag it is.


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## aieslyn

Andy1001 said:


> When did you change sex?


Sorry, my husband posted originally on my account im a woman 


Mr.Married said:


> It’s possible you are a crazy loon and he had enough or maybe he is a douche bag. You will have to tell us a lot more to establish some context of the situation. Right now it sounds like you just want us to say you are right without giving us any details.


Haha I dunno maybe I am a crazy loon but I came here to find out if this is the case or if what he did was wrong or not? I responded to someone else's post regarding the conversation about testosterone if you want to have a look down the thread  thanks in advance for any insight you might have re whether or not it was OK for him to react in the way he did.


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## Mr.Married

It’s all about context… everything. Maybe he hates his life , his wife, his job, or his financial situation. Maybe he has a side piece so now he is nasty to his wife. Maybe you cheated some years ago and he never go t over it. Maybe he really just is …. a nasty douche bag. Maybe you never shut up. Maybe he’s got jock itch.


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## DownByTheRiver

aieslyn said:


> My husband shuts me down and tells me to stop talking whenever my point of view annoys him.
> 
> We had an argument directly after sex tonight about testosterone and whar affects it. When I tried to share my understanding he shut me down aggressively saying: shut the **** up I want to sleep and turned to the TV. We had just finished sex 5 minutes before and this conversation had immediately followed.
> 
> I pointed out that he is clearly not wanting to sleep if he is trying to make his point but won't listen to mine or is watching TV.
> 
> By shutting me down like this I felt invalidated. He got up and went downstairs saying he was going to do work. I told him just leaving me like this after sex and getting aggressive just because he didn't like what I had to say was not OK. He told me to go away or he would record me. He turn the camera on and stated recording. This made me more angry and I told him I felt that my privacy was being violated and to stop recording. He didn't. Is it OK for him to do this, help? I feel like him recording me was for the purpose of manipulating the conversation so that I wouldn't be able to talk or have a say.


He's abusive, so why are you still with him much less having sex with him? 

There is no advice that's going to turn a jerk into a nice person.


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## BigDaddyNY

What an abusive ahole. Right after sex no less. Sounds like a toxic environment and it is probably best to get out of it.


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## ConanHub

aieslyn said:


> My husband shuts me down and tells me to stop talking whenever my point of view annoys him.
> 
> We had an argument directly after sex tonight about testosterone and whar affects it. When I tried to share my understanding he shut me down aggressively saying: shut the **** up I want to sleep and turned to the TV. We had just finished sex 5 minutes before and this conversation had immediately followed.
> 
> I pointed out that he is clearly not wanting to sleep if he is trying to make his point but won't listen to mine or is watching TV.
> 
> By shutting me down like this I felt invalidated. He got up and went downstairs saying he was going to do work. I told him just leaving me like this after sex and getting aggressive just because he didn't like what I had to say was not OK. He told me to go away or he would record me. He turn the camera on and stated recording. This made me more angry and I told him I felt that my privacy was being violated and to stop recording. He didn't. Is it OK for him to do this, help? I feel like him recording me was for the purpose of manipulating the conversation so that I wouldn't be able to talk or have a say.


Record him right back. Make your points calmly and with validity and use it in your divorce.

I might have to look into your other posts to see what the underlying issues are but, initially, he seems like a bit of a prat now doesn't he?


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## DownByTheRiver

aieslyn said:


> He has an alcohol and drug problem. He uses dexies daily and is an alcoholic though im not sure if he had drunk tonight though he did take dexies today.


People on speed are generally intolerable. Addicts are generally intolerable. You having abusive multiple addict person here whose life you need to get out of.


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## ConanHub

Umm, I don't really trust your situation.

How did you open a TAM account and your husband just used it without your input?

Then your first post was nearly four years later?

Did you read his one post about you?

What do you think about it?

Does he still have access to this account?


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## ConanHub

Regardless, this doesn't sound like a healthy environment to be raising your little girl in.

You two can't seem to have healthy interactions.

Maybe it's all on him but that doesn't absolve you from getting out of a toxic relationship and providing a healthy environment for your daughter.


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## BigDaddyNY

Read through your other posts. Sadly, I think you are beyond help. You've been here quite some time and you do nothing. You have a husband that physically abuses you, even while you were pregnant. Verbally and emotionally abuses you regularly. He is a drug and alcohol abuser. Demands sex or BJs daily, and says he can get sex elsewhere if needed. Which he probably has. 

Now, tell us why you are still with him?


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## Mr.Married

Maybe he ran out of dope


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## Openminded

Why are you with him?


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## Prodigal

aieslyn said:


> I came here to find out if this is the case or if what he did was wrong or not?


You are attempting to assign rational, clear thought to an addict. Sorry. It simply cannot be done. Instead of focusing on him and his addiction - over which you have no control whatsoever - I'd suggest you focus on why you stay (as others have asked here).


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## Talker67

yeah, he is embarassed that he can not perform up to normal standards, and does NOT want to talk about it.

you have to handle this one with kid gloves, but get him to a doctor or urologist somehow, and get him the treatment. he WILL thank you later


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## thunderchad

aieslyn said:


> apparently testosterone rises when a man sees a gun


'Merica **** yeah


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## Dreamer64

aieslyn said:


> My husband shuts me down and tells me to stop talking whenever my point of view annoys him.
> 
> We had an argument directly after sex tonight about testosterone and whar affects it. When I tried to share my understanding he shut me down aggressively saying: shut the **** up I want to sleep and turned to the TV. We had just finished sex 5 minutes before and this conversation had immediately followed.
> 
> I pointed out that he is clearly not wanting to sleep if he is trying to make his point but won't listen to mine or is watching TV.
> 
> By shutting me down like this I felt invalidated. He got up and went downstairs saying he was going to do work. I told him just leaving me like this after sex and getting aggressive just because he didn't like what I had to say was not OK. He told me to go away or he would record me. He turn the camera on and stated recording. This made me more angry and I told him I felt that my privacy was being violated and to stop recording. He didn't. Is it OK for him to do this, help? I feel like him recording me was for the purpose of manipulating the conversation so that I wouldn't be able to talk or have a say.


That's crossed my mind.. I would be happy with just audio of my wife's negative comments.


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## MattMatt

A Zombie Cat's work is never done.


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