# Is it time for me to accept it?



## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

9 months separated. She is 21 only. 1 child. We planned to get back together but soon she become more distant and eventually said she wants divorce. I tried to work things out but her answer was usually "It is very improbable that we will get back together but not impossible' we will see what future brings". So i had little hope.

Today, I took our child to her and I phoned her on my way there but no answer. When I got there she was sitting out and talking on the phone with someone. I just heard her saying "ok bye"

She came and took the child from the car. I asked who was she talking to and she said no one.

On my way home I phoned her to let her know we forgot to take the child's car seat out. She said she will use her nephews car seat when she brings the child to me tomorrow.

She started talking how much she missed the child. I asked did you miss me. She just ignored my question.

Should I accept that it is over or should I keep hoping. I am 99% certain she met someone. 

Our friendship because of the child is good and I don't wanna ruin that. Also she keeps the child 80-90 % of the time with me and is not working. I have feelings for her and wish that our kid grows with us being together but my hope is hanging by a thread.

I am heartbroken and becoming hopeless.

PS. The fact is I currently have no means to provide the basics for her even if she wanted tocome back. I thought to get my own appartment, money flow and then ask her one last time to come back. If she refuses then I would focus on my life and look for another love. But I have no reason to hope anymore.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

So you have the kid 80-90% of the time, and she's not working while you are? That makes you her *****. 

Assuming you have true paternity, file for divorce and child support. Start rebuilding your life.

The fact that your doing your share of working and child care stands you in good stead. There are other women out there who would value that.


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## Harris (Apr 5, 2009)

Atholk said:


> So you have the kid 80-90% of the time, and she's not working while you are? That makes you her *****.
> 
> Assuming you have true paternity, file for divorce and child support. Start rebuilding your life.
> 
> The fact that your doing your share of working and child care stands you in good stead. There are other women out there who would value that.



Yes you are correct. but I do not work YET and I have no my own residency YET to file for divorce. But working on it.

She spends child tax benefit and there is not a thing I can do about it.

But I will not file for child support because I don't want her money. For custody I will offer agreement for 50/50 and if she refuses then I will see with a lawyer what to go for in the court. 50/50 or sole custody.

You know,I know she is being a ***** but I hope she will change. If not come back to me, change for child's sake and spend more time with him. When I told her to watch him, she put him in daycare. I love my kid and I want him to have a mother and develop properly.
Either way mate, I need a job and my own place first to be able to file for divorce or custody.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

If you end up getting sole custody, you should file for child support as well. _You_ may feel ok about not having the extra money, but your next girlfriend/wife may feel _quite_ differently about it, and by implication... feel differently about _you_.

It's a rough spot you're in, only real solution is head down and grind out an income and advance yourself as best you can. Keep it up.


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