# How is it shecan be so social during all this ?



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

My wife seems to have left and broken up her family after 18yrs , only to move into a rental , with my 11yr old daughter living there to though about 70% of the time but.

she spends days over Christmas staying down at her families , they come up every 2-3wks , it use to only be every 2-3mths .
her mum is actually staying up here with her i find out tonight over the w/end and through to tuesday.

she has work friends dropping in all the time - mind you these are all part of her new crowd that i'm pretty sure talked her into breaking up her marriage although i'm not sure which ones or whatever.
ha , and would you believe one of them wants to ask me out she tells me , fg believe that i mean wtf !

she's a nurse so she does always have to have a happy persona about her work wise with patients and stuff but this, it's making me sick.and the family stuff i mean wtf !

shouldn't they be telling her to sort her fg marriage out ! and how in the fk is she even living like that from day one of leaving our 18yrs and breaking up her family ?

I just don't get how she's coping with all these people , plus all of our new found financial problems thanks to this bs , leaving our home and shifting into a rental , her works been full on right through and they didn't even get holidays over christmas, my daughter separated from dad and what , lives in a different house now with mum !
and then there's the her and me- her husband , apart for the first time ever, i mean it's only been 3 mths t 

is there some girly thing that would make this ad up , i know they do love family and friends around , well so many seem to anyway but what now , and so much of it ? or does she just not give a fk after all now ?
i've even asked her myself , a few times. is it really the way it looks for you how can you be so happy and people busy.
she reckons she's been so stressed she's lost 9 kg . 
i said so how are you stressed , you look like your just amazingly happily building a new life.
she said , well for one thing in what i've done to you and in living with that .
but each time to she's never actually mentioned the us part of it - losing her marriage , husband , her family , living like that now instead of us for 18yrs .
she did mention once about not having had a chance yet to grieve me and us as she put it- i thought oh yea and whos' been speaking to counclers again then with a term like that .

but , i just don't get how she could be doing all this stuff right through and so soon or what it's all about , while all this has just happened.

has anyone got anything on this , some light , what do you think , does it make any sense or say how would you read it , has yours done this too ?

I just don't understand it.


----------



## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Most of WAW's pretend they're happy with their new lives . Or even worst they try to convince them self they're happy with what they did.

Won't last long.

You have to do exactly the same , act happy and make her believe the D was the best thing ever happened to you.


----------



## bryane (Dec 2, 2012)

Read this Book, "Divorce Remedy", its a yellow paperback with bold red letters for the title. It gave me a lot on insight and was extremely helpful. 

Bigmac can attest to what a hot mess I was in the beginning. Regardless my attitude has changed this book helped me do it. It also gave me considerable clarity in to my situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

yea you know what mac , been thinking the same thing , just doesn't add up .

and hey , when i rang her parents about her new friend back at the start , you don't reckon she **** herself , it was worth it just to see her face - but she sprung straight into sucking up mode to them and ongoing since i reckon.

tell you another thing i remembered too, she can't stand upto her parents . i was the one had to kept them at arms length all those years or they'd have been staying with us for weeks on end 4 times a fg year- fk that.
and they're weird people and one of their big traits is discising wanting to hang around and stick their noses in your lives - with supposed support .
they tend to be sort of lonejeyish hang around types wheather you invite them or not.
wouldn't be surprised either if a lot of it's trying to get more involved in my daughters life to and stick their beaks in. shes really popular see mucvh more so than their other two grandaughters. lots of friends, only 11 but she's always booked solid . the parents tend to be a bit desperatish and feed of a the kids friends and lives and i reckon that's exactly what that old cows doing.

would you believe i just finished asking my wife to back them off a bit just last week to.
i mean my daughters to of course only just had her family destroyed , she's been dragged away from her family home , her dads not there every night anymore yet heres my wife with these bloodsuckers and all her new crowd dagging them day in and out and acting like lifes just fg wonderful .


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

bryane said:


> Read this Book, "Divorce Remedy", its a yellow paperback with bold red letters for the title. It gave me a lot on insight and was extremely helpful.
> 
> Bigmac can attest to what a hot mess I was in the beginning. Regardless my attitude has changed this book helped me do it. It also gave me considerable clarity in to my situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hey bryane , thanks for that sorry you went there to mate, hell i'm sorry anyone ever has to go through this crap . 
but so would you tend to agree with mac on this what do you think of it !


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

The bad news is she's having affairs with other men and trying her best to replace you. 

The good news is it ain't gonna happen.

The reality in this will sink in when she finds her friends don't really care about her problems and only provide a temporary security blanket of support. She's still going to struggle with the bills after buying things to make her happy, and she's going to find the exciting guys( the ones wives think are worth divorcing their boring husbands for) are still jerks who won't help her at all if she's not having sex with them. And the medical field is a freaking stressful job filled with miserable cheaters. Can't lie about that, there are more cheaters in this as well as teaching jobs.....

The most important thing you can do is pull away and act happy no matter what. I mean you could try to prove me wrong and do everything for her like she always wanted but she is still going to be miserable and controlling with you. She didn't leave you because life outside of marriage would be better on her own, more than likely she left you because she had low self esteem and she couldn't allow herself to be happy with you. You want to change that? Stop caring about her and start caring about what you're going to do with your freedom NOW. And always, always agree with her when she's being unreasonable and she will soften up a bit.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> The bad news is she's having affairs with other men and trying her best to replace you.
> 
> The good news is it ain't gonna happen.
> 
> ...





"yeah right . not much hope of me doing everything for her though mate , what after this . nahh we have our finances and daughter but she's on her own apart . actually speaking of that she broke down last week and rang me , just like she use to. i'm thinking wtf and said ohwell look ring around spose one of your friends will sort it out - she was like orrr :scratchhead:

but no i've been caring about me from day one , no choice and then if this was the way it was then fk that but , i also have to use that stupid bloody town of hers and then there's my daughter to of course .
but hey i can wonder , here with you guys can't i ! "


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

ps , tried to get clever with that one in the way people fill in pieces with answers and stuff - hopefully it's legible .

and ps ps , thanks for the insight to sweet btw , very interesting !


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

-Bingo dude.Going through the same scenario-3years 2months in court mostly fighting over the kids and now shes in overdrive dating some guy who just got divorced and has kids -friends over at the house all the time ,vacation in Mexico,new car, house.Shes 45 years old and my kids say she acting like a teenager and she doesn't seem to care if the kids are in the next room if shes in bed with the guy-midlife crisis??!!


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> -Bingo dude.Going through the same scenario-3years 2months in court mostly fighting over the kids and now shes in overdrive dating some guy who just got divorced and has kids -friends over at the house all the time ,vacation in Mexico,new car, house.Shes 45 years old and my kids say she acting like a teenager and she doesn't seem to care if the kids are in the next room if shes in bed with the guy-midlife crisis??!!



sorry to hear that man , it hurts like all hell i know. and the court resorting must be so hard , ugly

but your right it's an ML alright and the girls go through it worse than guys i reckon to be honest , many anyway.
tell you what though there's some great girls through here, with their heads and loyalties screwed on. just makes me wish to hell this club was within shot of my area , i'd be looking a few up .

i just do not understand though how she or mine or any of the others , guys or girls could lose the plot like this and yours what with the kids , like that ! 
i told mine if she brings this guy anywhere near my daughter i'll be round to pick her up and knock him out while i'm at it. hopefully that at least has some effect .
i'm not really the type to get physical but i can if i'm pushed and i'm so pissed at this crap. not good i know but - only human !


----------



## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

My feelings exactly-but thats what she wants me to do is threaten this guy so she can slap a restraining order against me.WATCH what you say!The attorney I had handled over 3000 divorce cases in his career he told me when it was over with that my case was in the worst top ten hes had.I asked her to have a background check done on this guy as I believe this a legitimate request and she works for the county social services and I was told to mind my own business to which I replied it was because it involves my kids.-No response.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

oh jesus , what a pain in the arse . sorry man but hey hopefully you have some nice karma due later eh, what goes around comes around don't they say . 
good luck


----------



## bryane (Dec 2, 2012)

I think Mac is dead on. He has a considerable amount of insight due to his own experience. Yes, this does suck, and the plot twists, turns, and curves better and faster than any suspenseful thriller I've ever watched or read, however perhaps because its are own lives that we are watching go to hell that makes it so miserable. Regardless, my wife seems to be coming back around, although it took a lot of self reflection, and change on my behalf. She didn't giveaway clues, and it's hard to be brutally honest with yourself. Needless to say when I started to change enough for her to start recognizing these changes is when things started to take a turn for the better. I still have got a long journey ahead however I think I'm on the right path.

This beats the hell out of your self esteem and self worth. The quicker you find that again the faster you are able to get back in control and start making decisions from a safe place. Until then I suggest putting anything important on hold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

thank for that bry.

and hey good luck at your end then to, never know we might have a good news story to put up in lights round here eh.

it is hard l hear you , many of the things she said about me didn't really fall into shape until after she'd left.
she was right with some of the biggies for sure . don't think she's interested in seeing change or anything else in me now though . 
strangest thing is though , my latest wave of feelings seem to be feeling l don't even want her back either though now. 
not only trust but she's changed soooo much. l loved the old her but l don't like this new one much.


----------

