# Wow this is hard - advice from people who have been through this with kids



## Picadilly (May 3, 2014)

The other day I dropped the bomb. For the 3rd time. A year ago, I did the same, said I couldn't continue, that I didn't love him and that we were on divergent paths. Time to walk away. H has always lived in this town, and though when we met, he told me he wanted to see the world and do interesting things, over the years I have come to realize that much of what he said was talk. Does he believe it? Yes I think he does, but does he act on any of it. No not really. So we've been together for 17 years and I did what it seems a lot of women do.. I sucked it up, we had kids, and I tried to be grateful that I could stay home with my kids while he made enough income for the family. I gave up my career, raised the kids, then started working again. Now I work full time and am re-building my career. 

I made excuses why we we weren't living the life we had both talked about, we were too busy with kids, and life. We only went on dates or spent time together when I planned it. And over the years… I got bored, (and resentful) and more bored and more bored, and then I realized through many other events, that his intention and desire has always been for stability. He likes this town, he likes the stability, and though he dreams maybe of being someone different, this is really who he is. I also came to the realization that we don't talk about anything except planning kids stuff, cooking dinner etc. So. We are great roommates , etc… and that's about it. 

He asked me to go for MC last year when I dropped bomb #1. So I agreed. :scratch head: I went for IC as well, he did for a couple of sessions then stopped. We got nowhere in MC except that we learned to communicate a bit better and became better parents. I talked of Separation again… it revved him up for a few weeks and then back to two ships passing in the night. 

After my last IC session, I realized it was time. We are going nowhere, and it's delaying the inevitable and or, I am selling my soul to stay in this non-relationship. One of my biggest fears is telling the kids, and working all of that out. 

I told H today that I need a separation, and that we need to go to the MC to unravel this and figure out how to proceed. 

My question is this, have you been though this, and how did you break it to the kids, did it work well, (or the best possible scenario?) . What kind of living arrangements did you set up? (i.e. living close to one another etc…) . I'd love to hear your experiences.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are your children?

How many do you have?

Are you thinking of leaving the town where your husband is? If so what will happen to your children?


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## Picadilly (May 3, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> How old are your children?
> 
> How many do you have?
> 
> Are you thinking of leaving the town where your husband is? If so what will happen to your children?


Hi there, My kids are 13 and 9, and no I would not leave town. Much as I'd like to, it's more important for my kids to be stable and happy. At least for now. One step at a time.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

When you say leaving town, you don't mean you have to move. It is more a state of mind, right?


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