# What do you do on bad days?



## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

What do you (LS) do on days when you are feeling angry or indifferent towards your DS to minimize the effect it has on R. I know these days are normal but I don't want to hurt her or ruin the day for the family when I am feeling like this.
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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You do what you have to do. Bottling it all in as to not hurt the WS isn't gonna help you and in the end could hurt more.

Before you know it, you've swallowed so much that it'll just blow like a volcano. Talk to the wife and tell her you're having a bad day. If she shrugs it off and tells you she'll give you space to work it out yourself then that's one point against her.

But it's a double edge sword, if she tries to comfort you, you'll think did she do this to the OM also comforting him and then you get mad. If she doesn't comfort you then she doesn't care and you're mad also. It's just something you're gonna have to work through and decide if you can do this for the next XX years.

It's not easy and at times it will literally drag you down to the depths of hell just trying, but sometimes the reward is worth the pain (and I'm stressing sometimes). My wife has the patience and heart of a saint, if not for that we would have never made it together.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Say to yourself “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Very Fast, Energetically, Non-Stop For 30 Seconds.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

Laying on our bed holding each other helps. Even when I don't feel affectionate if I make myself do it the warmth returns to my heart. I do tell her when it's a bad day.
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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

It's tough and I'm interested to hear the responses. I bite my tongue but it builds up and then it unleashes at the worst times. The outcomes are never what I hope they will be when this happens. There is a fine line between getting what you need to recover and beating them up so much that it hurts R.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I used to say to her "I know you're doing everything possible to fix this but I'm having a really bad day today and I'm probably going to vent a lot. Please understand that I can't hold in these emotions and I don't want to hurt you but I may. When this passes and I'm in a better frame of mind we can go over what happened."

It was hard to say it when I really wanted to yell at her for being the cause of my hurt but I didn't want to derail the R. After a few times she realized that these times were going to happen and she just needed to ride it out until it passed.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You can drive over to my house and kick my in the groin, and yell out profanities while doing it. 

Just don't kick my in the butt, it might hurt my head.

Seriously, I wish I had someone real to offer you to help.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

HerToo said:


> You can drive over to my house and kick my in the groin, and yell out profanities while doing it.
> 
> Just don't kick my in the butt, it might hurt my head.
> 
> Seriously, I wish I had someone real to offer you to help.


Ha! Beating up on cheater might help but it wouldn't be you. You are genuinely remorseful and are trying to help others. 
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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I just wanted to be left alone on the bad days.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

In the last week, I had one episode where I shut down on my WS.

Pissed her off to no end, we had an angry confrontation. For the first time in our entire relationship, we were able to change from angry confrontation to healthy exchange of feelings. It felt like a lot of progress was made. She made the point that it really upsets her when I withdrawl (because she is afraid that means I do not want to try for R) and asked that I handle it in a way that is more respectful to her feelings. I assured her that I am in it for R but that I will also try to do better with the withdrawling thing.

A few days after that (xmas), I had a really hard day. After coming home, WS cornered me, hugged me, wanted to be all kissy...and I just said "today has been really hard for me" and she said "I know, I'm sorry". And that felt really good.

So, in 2 different instances I handled it 2 different ways and each time it was (ended up) a positive experience.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

My husband won't tell me if he's had a bad day. I sometimes don't pick up on it and then I feel he's rejecting me, wants to leave me etc. I know he doesn't. It's just very hard to read his mind sometimes and react the best possible way. I used to react with anger, I'm now working hard on simply waiting until it passes. It's not something he wants to talk about, I've tried that - he's not that type. I think my biggest personal "success" if you can call it that was to realize that these mood swings or triggers are normal and they won't stop just like that. Now that I know what they are, I feel I can deal with them better. Not sure if that helps my husband in any way but I guess not getting angry and yelling at him is better than nothing.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Bad days I get nauseous, twitchy, headaches, lethargic, ringing in my ears, joint pain. I go wall climbing at the local place and find a belayer there.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Still offering up the groin kick option. Just come on by, a few kicks to my groin, go have a drink, and go home with a smile.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Well I've been having many bad days. I tell my H that I am and I need help. I can't stop thinking of the OW, my H and I are trying to work things out but I think about her all the time. I think about her when were intimate, when were not, when I am with him and when I am not....it sucks....I wish this would end. I think at first I was in shock and now it's setting in...all the pain and hurt they caused...My H is trying very hard finally...but the thoughts don't go away.....I just try and deal, cry, talk and move forward....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lift and exercise, that helps me.

The important thing is you tell her your screwed up for the day and if shes any good she will understand and work with you.

As long as your W is working with you it will get better, it just takes her efforts to help you heal, when trying to R. That is so important.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Still offering up the groin kick option. Just come on by, a few kicks to my groin, go have a drink, and go home with a smile.


Can we bring pictures of the OM/OW to tape to your forehead?
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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

the guy said:


> Lift and exercise, that helps me.
> 
> The important thing is you tell her your screwed up for the day and if shes any good she will understand and work with you.
> 
> As long as your W is working with you it will get better, it just takes her efforts to help you heal, when trying to R. That is so important.


I wish I had time to get back to the gym. It's tough to leave the family in the evenings and go. I used to go a lot before the kids. I miss it.
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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Still offering up the groin kick option. Just come on by, a few kicks to my groin, go have a drink, and go home with a smile.


This made me smile, but I think most here have a respect for you that would hurt them more than it would you. 

I have no clue how I handle bad days. I take a breath, and then another. Think about all the people who would be hurt if I was no longer here. Take one second at a time. 

I used to think about all the good times I've had with my family but found that it just hurts more. I used to cry, well more like sob, and even though it felt good to release the pain it was not helping the R.
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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

dingerdad said:


> I wish I had time to get back to the gym. It's tough to leave the family in the evenings and go. I used to go a lot before the kids. I miss it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you have the room for a small home gym?


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

No. I live on an acreage so I thought about building one. I have the weights and stuff from my bachelor days but nowhere to use them. I live out of town so by the time I get home, have supper, put the kids to bed, it's tough to go back in to a gym. Plus right now I need to be spending the evenings with my wife. I know it's sounds like excuses. I have tried to do it but
It just does not work. I'll have to figure out something. Maybe running.
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You don't need weights. You can use your own body weight to create an exercise regime. Do a Google search for body weight exercises, you are bound to find a myriad of routines. Believe me, they are NOT as easy as you think.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

morituri said:


> You don't need weights. You can use your own body weight to create an exercise regime. Do a Google search for body weight exercises, you are bound to find a myriad of routines. Believe me, they are NOT as easy as you think.


Thanks, I'll check into it.
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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

Figured out one way to help a bad day. I believe on here it's called hysterical bonding. 
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

dingerdad said:


> Figured out one way to help a bad day. I believe on here it's called hysterical bonding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But don't forget to add long, tender kisses throughout the day as well as soft caresses that are NOT a prelude to sex.

What do you think alley?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sex is the glue.

I enjoy the submission my fWW has and the spanking I give her for misbehaving.LOL

But thats just me ding, I'm wired different then most!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

the guy said:


> Sex is the glue.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

I gave Allybabe one to
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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Doing something to take your mind off it. Mine was working out, reading, watching TV, if the kids were around would do something with them or even call a friend.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> You don't need weights. You can use your own body weight to create an exercise regime. Do a Google search for body weight exercises, you are bound to find a myriad of routines. Believe me, they are NOT as easy as you think.


Its called _Resistance Training_. That's how I keep in shape. It just helps you keep toned. Your body's mass(resistance) is what does the trick. 

Good sex is always a pleasant alternative, though... burns alot of calories.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

dingerdad said:


> I wish I had time to get back to the gym. It's tough to leave the family in the evenings and go. I used to go a lot before the kids. I miss it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


get one of those gym in a bag tubing kits, can do all of the exercising at home


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Friend of mine who's a good ol southern Virginia ******* likes to wrap trees in detcord and blow them up.


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## DesperateHeart (Dec 20, 2011)

morituri said:


> Say to yourself “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Very Fast, Energetically, Non-Stop For 30 Seconds.


:rofl:

Just did that right now...


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## DesperateHeart (Dec 20, 2011)

dingerdad said:


> Figured out one way to help a bad day. I believe on here it's called hysterical bonding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:rofl:

This thread is making me get over my bad day! Enjoying it way too much. :smthumbup:

Too bad hysterical bonding days for me are over (i think). Went through it after DDay for EA. But feel somehow repulsed now after DDay that it was actually PA.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Treadmills are excellent ways to get over the fact that your spouse has no desire for you at all. Just go at a speed of more than 3mph and use an incline of at leat 5%. 20 minutes of this is going to wear you out like you wouldn't believe it. I'm admitting that I have neglected the treadmill since Halloween, had I stayed committed to it throughout the holiday season, 20 minutes at 3mph would have worn me out like that. So the best thing to do for my figure and love life, get back in touch with my treadmill on a daily basis! What a New Year resolution, huh?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

A heavy bag works as well. Put some gloves on and go to town.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Heavy bags? Can you be more specific?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

FourtyPlus said:


> Heavy bags? Can you be more specific?


It's a big punching bag you hang by a chain.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

We have one of those in the garage somewhere. Come on, I'm not gonna carry that around though....


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