# I've lost my passion and I'm in my 20's



## Wright0816 (Apr 9, 2012)

My husband and I have a 7 month old baby and we have been going through some trying times lately. I guess you could say I'm a little high strung. I stress about everything and don't want to be bothered by my husband a lot of the times. I have no sexual desire at all anymore and my husband has been questioning whether I still love him or not. I try to explain to him that it's not him, it's me but of course who ever believes that? Is there anything I can do to change this? I don't want to get irritated at the thought of having sex with my husband. We're young and in love! There's something wrong when I'd rather clean the house than have sex.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You need to have sex more often. Libido is a "use it or lose it" kind of thing. By decreasing the frequency of sex, you can train your body to desire sex less. And the converse is also true. Even if you would rather clean the house, you can have mediocre sex for a few months and get your groove back.

With a young infant, especially if you're still breastfeeding, your hormones may be suppressing your libido. If that's the case, it should resolve itself soon after you stop breastfeeding.

But you do need to understand that rejecting your husband sexually is a powerful and fundamental rejection of him as a husband. It hurts. And no, it doesn't help much if you really insist that the problem is in your head. Do what you can to limit your rejection of him.

Good luck.


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## gardensparrow (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi friend~I'm sorry you're going through a rough phase in your marriage. Problems with sexual intimacy can definitely be tough to resolve, and often it seems so hard for the other spouse to understand where you're at. But, I wouldn't give up hope here. I think many couples can relate to what you shared, and also to the fact that these issues can be worked through. However, I think the most important step you can take is to talk to your doctor about how you've been feeling lately. You mentioned that you had a baby recently (Congrats by the way!), so it's always possible that could be playing a role. Hormones can do crazy things! So, I'd rule out any physical causes first. If everything checks out there then you might want to think about talking with a counselor. I think they can be a great source of insight into these type of problems. In fact, I came across a couple threads in another forum here and here that gave some thoughts from a counselor on why women may not be interested in sex at certain points in their marriage. So, maybe something to check out if you have a moment. Well, I hope some of this information is helpful-hang in there!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

You just had a baby - it takes awhile (sometimes a long time) for things to get back to normal after that.

First thoughts - have you had your hormone levels checked post-partum? Are you breastfeeding? Are you on any birth control or a different birth control than what you took before pregnancy? Could you be suffering from post-partum depression?

I read somewhere (can't remember where) that a womans libido naturally lowers for awhile after child birth, a leftover instinctual thing that is supposed to ensure you don't concieve again too soon and be unable to care for your baby (especially if you are breastfeeding). I wish I could remember where I read that, it was in some science magazine. 

I would suggest speaking with your doctor about it first. This is a common problem of women who just had children. Personally, I was so freaking exhausted for the first year after both of my kids that sex was low on my priority list. I sucked it up and did it anyway to please my husband (of course I did not SAY that to him, although I am sure he knew) and eventually my desire came back. Coincidentally it was around the age when the kids became a little more independent and did not need to be attached to one of us 24/7.


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## Wright0816 (Apr 9, 2012)

I'm no longer breastfeeding, I was sick and miserable through most of my pregnancy so that meant not much sex either. I think it may be due to hormones but mostly because we hadn't been having much sex over a long period of time. I never thought about using it or losing it but it makes a lot of sense. Thank you all so much for the advice and support


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We all have feelings. We only have to experience them. We aren't obligated to obey them. I imagine changing diapers doesn't blow your skirt up, either. It's what your baby needs, you're "Mom", so you do it. Your husband has "feelings" too. Because he's a guy, he can't feel loved without sex. If you don't want to take care of your husband's sexual needs, who would you like to delegate those duties to? Even if it doesn't feel natural or spontaneous, sex is important and ignoring it will lead nowhere good. If you aren't up to dressing up like a french maid and swinging from the chandelier, at least do something romantic, intimate, and sexual as often as is reasonable to you both, regardless of how you feel. The feelings will catch up.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Op - the only time in my married life when my sex drive 'disappeared' was when I had small babies. I also worried my passion was gone for good but if your in a loving relationship it will return... having sex and being intimate with your husband will only help this naturally occur. I found once I started getting sexy with hubby I got more and more into it. The more often I had sex the more I wanted to. 

Please don't shut out your man...it will hurt him deeply and will damage your marriage. Most importantly keep the communication lines open...let your hubs know how much you love him and that you want intimacy to increase/improve. Work on this together... your sex life is both of yours concern and who knows you might haver some fun along the way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much time are you spending with your husband each week just going things together? Try to spend about 15 hours a week with with doing date-like things, just the two of you. This is also important for rebuilding your desire.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Talking is great and going to the movies with your husband is great. If the problem is lack of sex, however, the solution is sex. If you're hungry, the gift of a knitted sweater might be a nice gesture but it won't fix your problem. You two could sit around chatting about it for days but the bottom line is he has a legitimate need and you are aware of that need. You have the means to address that need. You are the only one who should address that need. You either choose to or you choose not to.


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## WaynerMenard (Apr 11, 2012)

I was sick and miserable through most of my pregnancy so that meant not much sex either.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

What you are going through is normal.

However, if you don't work to turn it around your thought process your marriage will degrade into misery. What you have to start thinking about is other people and not yourself. First, your child. What is the best thing you can do for your child? The answer is to raise your child within a loving marriage. This gives the child you created the most happiness, the most stability, the most chance for success and happiness in life...You have to decide that this is important to you..... Then you think about how does one create a happy and loving marriage? The way a wife can do this is to meet the emotional needs of her husband. The way you do this is to think about how can you make your husband's life better because you are a part of it. You do actions that make your husband happy and feel loved. You do this on purpose with the specific goal of building a happy family.

So, in thinking about creating the greatest happiness and fulfillment in your child's and husband's life, this is the thing that will give you personal happiness in your own life. You give to receive. You "give" in order to feel the pleasure and fulfillment of making other human beings happy. And guess what happens when you do this??? THEY WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!.

Good luck!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

If you have family around, at 7 months you might be able to get a free sitter some night (in our case grandma). Then you two can get dressed up and have a fun time together (and relax!). Plan to have sex that night, but for the most part just treated like a fun date and do whatever you two need to do to unwind.

After that make a point to make love at least 1-2x a week. Ease back into it, but mostly just make a point to enjoy one another. Try to not stress about sex, you have enough stress.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Wright0816 said:


> My husband and I have a 7 month old baby and we have been going through some trying times lately.* I guess you could say I'm a little high strung. I stress about everything *and don't want to be bothered by my husband a lot of the times. I have no sexual desire at all anymore and my husband has been questioning whether I still love him or not. I try to explain to him that it's not him, it's me but of course who ever believes that? Is there anything I can do to change this? I don't want to get irritated at the thought of having sex with my husband. We're young and in love! There's something wrong when I'd rather clean the house than have sex.


Hi Wright ~

You mentioned that you know you are a high-strung individual and that you stress about everything. So, knowing you are like that is half the battle to being able to solve it. 

Are you working to learn ways to manage/handle your stress?

Anything from meditation, exercise, prayer ... even just going into the darkened bathroom for 5 minutes of breathing space to declutter your racing mind ... can be beneficial.

And if you can work to clear your racing mind and learn to manage the stressors in your life, then you would be able to approach many things, including regaining passion for your husband and your own life, in a much more positive light. 

Best wishes.


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