# referee wanted.



## hurtin

Im new to the site so Im not sure if this is what Im looking for. 

My wife and i have been married for 16 years this year. We have lost the plot. Neither of us will budge. We r both right and wrong. I want to post my side of the story and if she is willing to post her side and hopefully hear what other members have to say. I no we are both being immature about this but its either someone gives in or i don't want to say it. So she is sleeping right now. Hopefully she will be participate. I am excited to hear total outside view points good or bad. If i am the bad person i want to hear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

before you ask her, let me ask, what is the nature of the problem in a general sense?

IOW which forum would it fit best, General, infidelity, family, anxiety depression, addiction, financial, etc


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## hurtin

I would probably say general because our problems cover a pretty broad spectrum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtin

my side of it will be pretty long. And i want to go first and let her have the last word. But Im sure we will both have rebuttles
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

well, I've some couples where both come on here and do fine, but I've seen others where it gets ugly and it turns into a big mess

there won't be any referee of sorts and your thread will be open to all opinions

the reason I ask about the nature of the problem is that in some cases (like infidelity for instance) it is best to get advice and not have your spouse know what advice you're getting as they are intentionally deceiving you in the first place. So bear that in mind


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## Almostrecovered

To add I think it matters as to what you're trying to achieve by having both on here

Good- need a safe place to state both needs and to be open to suggestions like books and what others have tried

Bad- trying to assess blame or see who is "right" ie. "76% of TAM think I am right!"


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## hurtin

yes to infidelity on both sides but it has now turned into both of us throwing the past in each others face. she has not stopped trying to make contacts since i caught her the first time in 2009. so she will try to decieve regaurdless. and the big picture problem is that we are not friends anymore. i can get over her bad descions but not losing my best friend. alcohal plays a huge part. so r u a moderater?


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## hurtin

a mixture of both really. i would like to know if i am in the wrong. i would love to hear others solutions. for sure if i am the total jerk here i want to know because i would owe a ton of appologies. i love her. she really is my everything. i would be lost with out her.


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## hurtin

anything i try to say to her, she will only hear the negative. but maybe someone else could explain my words better.


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## Almostrecovered

I'm not a mod, just a regular and someone who also went thru infidelity 

I think since your wife isnt going no contact it would be best to start a thread in CWI by yourself first, just my recommendation


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## hurtin

what is cwi. and she got up for a second a said she would do this.


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## hurtin

and can i carry this forum over or do i have to start a new one.


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## hurtin

if you dont mind me asking are you m or f and how did u deal with it.


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## Almostrecovered

CWI is coping with infidelity forum

Start a new thread

And since the cat is out of the bag I recommend you both read the newbie link in my signature


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## Almostrecovered

I'm a man and my wife cheated on me my story is in my signature


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## hurtin

thnx


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## Deejo

Write up what you have to say, either within a thread on the forum, or in a text editor like NotePad, and then copy and paste it.

Suggestions, use paragraphs.

If what you have to say, is basically several pages long, break it up into 'chunks'. Post a chunk, and then post others into the same thread subsequent to your initial post. 

It isn't crucial that you provide EVERY detail in your opening post. But do convey the problem.

Welcome to the forums. Hope you and your spouse can resolve all of this with respect and dignity.


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