# No Sex due to girlfriend being stressed



## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Hi everyone, been awhile since I have been on here. Met a great women that have been dating for 5 months.. Our relationship is progressing nicely. We communicate very well etc etc. We spend alot of time together. We are past the so called "honeymoon Stage" Something i have learned about here about 4 weeks ago, is when she gets really stressed she pulls back and kind of freaks out.. We talked about it one night and i had a better understanding how she gets.Its not a big deal to me, we can work through that. She is really busy with work, her daughter, and i am busy as well. About a month ago, she told me that she lost her mojo. I said what do you mean. She said she always thinks about sex, but has not been lately. She thought it was stress related.. Im understanding and said it will be fine. We went on a quick weekend getaway with her daughter and the last night it was just the 2 of us. We were intimate that night, and she said she didnt want to waste the opportunity as we are not alone too often. Im really supportive with her and she is a great women, and im really patient with her. SO currently its been almost 3 weeks since weve had sex. I brought up to her if she was ok, she said same thing, her mojo is not there, and she doesnt know why. I talked about how she has really been stressed etc, and she agreed. I told her i was really concerned, as to me it doesnt seem normal. She says she is still crazy about me and loves me etc. After our last talk a few nights ago i see she is trying, and she is more affectionate and making an effort,but still no sex yet. My question, is this really a legitimate reason to lose your sex drive temporarily. She told me last night not to worry, and it will work out soon. My first thought is maybe she is not attracted the same way, but she said thats not the case, and she always is honest with me. she also tells me alot that she is really thankful of how supportive and patient i am with her. Any thoughts. thanks


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Does she have a legit reason to be stressed? 

Do you find the reason plausible?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

What does she do to de-stress? Will her current stress level be constant, or is this temporary?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

norajane said:


> What does she do to de-stress? Will her current stress level be constant, or is this temporary?


:iagree: she needs to pull back and figure out why she's so stressed and then find ways to distress. Basically she needs to work on it. 


How does she know it will come back and everything will be ok? Did you ask her if this has happened to her before?


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## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

FishKing said:


> She said she always thinks about sex, but has not been lately. She thought it was stress related


Some people respond to the stresses of life by wanting more sex. Some people respond to the stresses of life by wanting less sex. Unfortunately these types often seem to marry each other. 



FishKing said:


> Im understanding and said *it will be fine*.


But you're posting here...because???


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

john117 said:


> Does she have a legit reason to be stressed?
> 
> Do you find the reason plausible?


Its definitely legit!! A few weeks back her ex tried to kill himself,and she is very concerned for her daughter!! Plus she is the type of person that takes on way to much stuff, and stresses out trying to get it all done.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

norajane said:


> What does she do to de-stress? Will her current stress level be constant, or is this temporary?


her current stress will be temporary. she generally tries to exercise or line dance to destress. she just has been really busy lately to do those things


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

As the reasons are legitimate and she does active measures to destress, this certainly does not seem a deal breaker. She seems to take responsibility for her own stress levels. I would say that in my experience, I would expect sex levels to increase as you learn each others bodies and people with low drive often lie about it. At present, I would stick to being understanding, as it seems appropriate while she goes through a hard time.

That said, it the stress is permanent, consider yourself.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

She doesn't love you any more. The end is near. Prepare yourself.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Hm, her stress is legit. Be there for her. If this happens too often, would that be a deal breaker for you?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I knew a lad once, who had a getaway planned with his girlfriend. Then his brother commited suicide and he rushed off to be with his family. Rather than feel sorry for herself over the lost weekend, the girlfriend went up with him and cared for the family during the hard time without a word of complaint. 

He proposed shortly afterwards. 

Be supportive as she needs it, but do not expect anything back. If she is serious about you, it will bring you closer. If she is not serious, there will be excuses.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Hmm I wasn't aware the honeymoon phase ended when you remain boyfriend and Girlfriend. Guess I haven't got to that point yet?

In any case this is an excellent opportunity OP. If you think this woman is a keeper then observe how she deals with stress and caretaking of the realtionship. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that life is not all wine and roses. It gets hard and **** happens. If you are with someone who can deal with stress and move forward, like we all have to, this is a good one. If she lets bad events dictate the mood of her life all the time I would say be concerned.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

I need to ask her about if this has happen in her past relationships with lack of sex. she did tell me she didnt want to be like she was in past relationships were she pulled back when a major stresssful event happens.. I think i just answered my own question..lol I know she really loves me and is working at it.. She told me other night,thanks for not giving up on her!! I find it frustrating to me about her stress level, cause she stresses about day to day things that are just not that stressful to me. I know everyones stress level is diff.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

FishKing said:


> I need to ask her about if this has happen in her past relationships with lack of sex. *she did tell me she didnt want to be like she was in past relationships were she pulled back when a major stresssful event happens.*. I think i just answered my own question..lol I know she really loves me and is working at it.. She told me other night,thanks for not giving up on her!! I find it frustrating to me about her stress level, cause she stresses about day to day things that are just not that stressful to me. I know everyones stress level is diff.


Maybe she can learn to reach out when she's stressed instead of pulling back. If she's someone who has always had to rely on herself because others around her were not reliable, she may have a hard time recognizing that she actually can and should ask for her and get it instead of trying to do everything herself. She may have a hard time recognizing when to ask for help and support. 

If that sounds like her, you might be able to help by suggesting some things you can take off her plate when she's most stressed. Show her that she doesn't have to take everything on herself.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

There's a whole world of people out there who use the word "stress" as some sort of magic fairy dust get out of jail free card for their behavior or cause for their toe fungus. You ask what they 're stressed about, and you get a laundry list of the normal ups-and-downs of day to day life that most of us manage to deal with pretty successfully.

Make sure you understand what she considers stress, if you agree that it should leak that far into your personal life, and decide if this is real and warranted or a soon to be repeated ritual in her life.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

The other day she called so stressed out because she didn't get her Xmas tree yet,had a ton of work stuff to do and her daughter needed help with homework and also needed to make some Xmas gifts. I to her let me help you. I said well knock out a bunch of stuff and it will all work out fine. So that day went to get a tree with her but it up,got it decorated,made her n her daughter dinner and she got some other stuff done. That night she said thank u so much for helping and making it less stressful for her. She just needs to ask for help more when she needs it. She has a hard time doing that sometime. I'm really trying to be patient with her,and don't what to bring up my frustration all the time with her. I think that would stress her out more. I'm just going to be supportive with her and patient. I will wait till after the holidays to say anything more. I know she really stresses about the holidays,and a while back told me if we can make it through holidays we can make it through anything. I think there is lots of drama in her family during holidays. Of course my brain starts to turn and think about when she told me her ex husband cheated on her during their 2 yrs of marriage. I thought hmm,maybe same thing happened with them and he seekes see elsewhere. I am def not the cheating type,but just creates some concern when I think about what she told me about past relationships. I think it is a good thing,that she is acknowledging what she is doing and trying to make efforts to make a change.last few days when we have been together she has been more affectionate. I guess that all I can ask at the moment
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

FishKing said:


> The other day she called so stressed out because she didn't get her Xmas tree yet,had a ton of work stuff to do and her daughter needed help with homework and also needed to make some Xmas gifts.


Just my opinion, of course, but those don't sound to me like the kind of life stress events that should impact your sex life for more than a day, tops.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've been dating for 5 months. This is your "honeymoon" phase. Consider that your sex life will likely never be better than it is now. 

C


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Well on top of that her daughters dad tried to kill himself a few weeks back. So she is just worried for her daughter, as she isn't showing much feelings about it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> You've been dating for 5 months. This is your "honeymoon" phase. Consider that your sex life will likely never be better than it is now.
> 
> C


This really all changed about a month ago. We had sex almost every time we were together. i know our relationship isn't based on sex,we both agree. I agree with what you are saying!! It frustrates the hell out of me..i am thankful that we can each talk about whats on our minds at any time. I wonder at times if i even should be making this big of a deal out of no sex in almost 3 weeks, Obviously if this went into a month or so,id be really frustrated. Im started to get to were im just frustrated all the time,and cant get out of my head about this. She tells me often of grateful she is i am patient with her and havent given up on her.But my patients are starting to wear thin and i dont want to get to where i am being taken advantage of for being a nice guy.. :/


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm sorry, but 3 week because of stressing over a Christmas tree and homework? 

I mean, I get that her ex tried to kill himself, but she can take precautions (like get a temporary order for supervised visitation) to protect her daughter. 

But 3 weeks seems a bit long over day to day stressing. Her ex tried suicide a few weeks ago. She should have gotten to a point by now where something was worked out for her daughter and you two could have resumed having sex at least once or twice during that time. I don't know. It seems excessive. It's also weird that she somehow "knows" it's going to end soon. You can't predict this stuff if it is stress like she says. 

Talk to her. I know you have, but you haven't told her that you're becoming impatient (unless I missed reading that). You have every right to feel that way. You've been patient and supportive of her for a while now.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

It is not normal for someone to not want to sexually bond with their mate for a prolonged period of time. "Stress" or "I'm tired" are convenient excuses. Silly "christmas tree" excuses makes it sound as if she is detaching from you. Any reason to suspect she may be carrying on with another penis...err.. man? Standard investigative protocols should be engaged... intercept text messages, emails, GPS and voice recorder in her car, covertly check up on her when she is "supposed" to be somewhere... you know, the usual stalker stuff.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> I'm sorry, but 3 week because of stressing over a Christmas tree and homework?
> 
> I mean, I get that her ex tried to kill himself, but she can take precautions (like get a temporary order for supervised visitation) to protect her daughter.
> 
> ...


I completely agree with you. I drives me nuts at times when she stresses over things that i feel she shouldn't be. I have talked to her and said i am frustrated and concerned about us. Like i said earlier i talked to her on saturday about all this. Its kind of weird in a way..She has made an effort to be more affectionate since the talk.She lives with another female roommate and her roommates young son. Her roommates BF comes over often. She generally doesnt get all clingy or too much affection toward me around them. We will lay on couch together etc,but since saturday when i have been over there she has been really touchy, trying to sit close to me, extra hugs, kissing my face, while all them being around, even her own daughter.. I know she is really trying and i appreciate it alot, but it almost seems too much! I dont think she is being fake by what she did, just sorta weird with the all of a sudden extra affection. Her younger sister is in town right now and staying with her, i will wait till she is gone, and will have another conversation with her saying that i am starting to become impatient. I also told her last saturday to, that i am concerned here, because the last girl i dated did a similar thing where we didnt have sex for a while, and i felt something was wrong, and in the end things went south(that last girl was depressed though, and had major issues). I just told my GF it puts me on edge, and makes me worry about us based on past experiences.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

We all have stresses in our lives, and if it's not one thing it's another. This month is Christmas, next month is bills, next month is birthdays or work... 

I'm not trying to say you should dump her; this is just a single flag. But it is a sign of how she deals with stress. If she doesn't know how to cope with stress (a good rogering can do wonders, btw) her good intentions may be meaningless. 

C


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Stress is a normal part of life and stress increases after marriage. I would be concerned about marrying someone who hadn't learned to deal with it and who used it as an excuse to withdraw from normal activities. If she can't handle the rigors of dating life she is ill prepared to deal with managing a home, a husband, kids, bills, etc, etc, etc. If, after only 5 months of dating, you're already on a marriage forum with fairly serious complaints, you need to keep looking. This is her at her Sunday-go-to-meeting absolute best. Life goes on, kids have to be fed, bills have to be paid, and the reasonable needs of our partner have to be tended to even when we experience stress.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

She is not doing any cheating. I am sure of it. She is so busy she has little time to go to bathroom. She is just one of those type that stressed out a lot during holidays. I'm supposed to see her tonight,I'm going to feel out the situation and probably talk with her again. Something has to change her soon
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> We all have stresses in our lives, and if it's not one thing it's another. This month is Christmas, next month is bills, next month is birthdays or work...
> 
> I'm not trying to say you should dump her; this is just a single flag. But it is a sign of how she deals with stress. If she doesn't know how to cope with stress (a good rogering can do wonders, btw) her good intentions may be meaningless.
> 
> C


This is the first red flag for me! I'm very fortunate that we have great communication and she doesn't close up on me when we talk about this stuff. The last girl I dated when we talked about things she would just shut down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

FishKing said:


> The other day she called so stressed out because she didn't get her Xmas tree yet,had a ton of work stuff to do and her daughter needed help with homework and also needed to make some Xmas gifts. I to her let me help you. I said well knock out a bunch of stuff and it will all work out fine. So that day went to get a tree with her but it up,got it decorated,made her n her daughter dinner and she got some other stuff done. That night she said thank u so much for helping and making it less stressful for her. She just needs to ask for help more when she needs it. She has a hard time doing that sometime. I'm really trying to be patient with her,and don't what to bring up my frustration all the time with her. I think that would stress her out more. I'm just going to be supportive with her and patient. I will wait till after the holidays to say anything more. I know she really stresses about the holidays,and a while back told me if we can make it through holidays we can make it through anything. I think there is lots of drama in her family during holidays. Of course my brain starts to turn and think about when she told me her ex husband cheated on her during their 2 yrs of marriage. I thought hmm,maybe same thing happened with them and he seekes see elsewhere. I am def not the cheating type,but just creates some concern when I think about what she told me about past relationships. I think it is a good thing,that she is acknowledging what she is doing and trying to make efforts to make a change.last few days when we have been together she has been more affectionate. I guess that all I can ask at the moment
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This reminds me of a past relationship of mine.

All the good things, got along great, common interests, sex all of the time.............and then 4-5 months in and the sex pretty much stopped.

Like you, i was saying to myself "wtf?".

I heard the normal excuses, stress, not feeling it but i think about it, etc.

Dug deeper into her past relationships and she pretty much cut them off as well, the old bait and switch i guess.

Her previous had ex cheated because she cut him off.

Like a fool, i stuck around thinking there was something more i could do to change things. 

Nothing worked and i ended up leaving her.

Hopefully your relationship turns out better than mine.

Give it some time and maybe things will turn around.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

she's probably still hung up on her EX. He caused the marriage to implode by cheating, so it wasn't her choice to disrupt the relationship. If he hadn't done that, I imagine they'd still be living happily ever after.

The suicide attempt must have stirred up the feelings. Perhaps she feels a rebonding with him.

how long has it been since the divorce? was it a quick break or did they try to reconcile for a while?

and how often do they see each other?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Life happens brother. Sometimes your wants and desire of another are put on hold for a time. It happens. Let her de-stress. Do not become part of additional stress. Be supportive with the craziness of the X and her concern for her daughter. When the smoke clears, she will see you standing there being supportive. That will speak volumes to her.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Stress is one of the MOST legitimate reasons to not want to have sex that I've ever read about (barring illness). 

Think about what stress *is* exactly: "a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances."

It's our bodies state of fight or flight but over a long period of time. Would you feel like stopping for a quick shag in the bushes with a bear chasing you down for his midday snack?

She's trying to push through it to maintain her relationship, and that's good news. Your GF feels that sex is an important part of her relationship with you, fantastic.

I think what you could do to help is research stress management. That's the area where she may need a little help.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Yeswecan said:


> Life happens brother. Sometimes your wants and desire of another are put on hold for a time. It happens. Let her de-stress. Do not become part of additional stress. Be supportive with the craziness of the X and her concern for her daughter. When the smoke clears, she will see you standing there being supportive. That will speak volumes to her.


Does her boss or mortgage company give her a pass and allow her to de-stress? I might have to deal with a shooting one minute and soothe a lost 5 year old girl the next. No matter what horrors, goons, or goblins I deal with every night, when I walk through the door of my home, I'm expected to be a decent husband. I'm expected to pay bills, be pleasant on traffic stops, treat my wife with tenderness and to take care of the reasonable needs I promised to tend to "for better, for worse, yada yada yada". Life doesn't stop because we have some stress and if a woman believes she is stressed while she is dating, she doesn't want to know what married life will be like.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I think the OP was saying she was stressed about the effect of the suicide attempt on her daughter since her daughter has not been expressing anything to her. I'd be worried, too, if she were my daughter, and her dad tried killing himself, and how she was dealing with it if she wasn't talking about it.

I don't think that says that her ex is significant to her. It says that she knows her child's father is significant to her child.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

She doesn't love him any more. How obvious can it be?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> Does her boss or mortgage company give her a pass and allow her to de-stress? I might have to deal with a shooting one minute and soothe a lost 5 year old girl the next. No matter what horrors, goons, or goblins I deal with every night, when I walk through the door of my home, I'm expected to be a decent husband. I'm expected to pay bills, be pleasant on traffic stops, treat my wife with tenderness and to take care of the reasonable needs I promised to tend to "for better, for worse, yada yada yada". Life doesn't stop because we have some stress and if a woman believes she is stressed while she is dating, she doesn't want to know what married life will be like.


What does this have to do with the price of eggs in China? The woman's X attempted to take his life. This is affecting her daughter. Some slack needs to be cut.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes stress can be something that lowers libido but at this point the mind can take over if needed. 

I will give you my story just for reference, anecdotal yes.

Life currently is full of all sorts of stress here, no details but some big stuff going on. I am a very HD woman and we enjoy sex daily, I think about sex a lot and love my partner deeply.

The last few weeks I have not thought about sex so often as life truly is getting in the way. Mr H and I have great open communication and has a very high EQ, he knows what to do and when. I told him I love him but my mind and energy levels are not what they usually are, initiating is falling on him more ATM and he won't be rejected.

He is smart enough to know that foreplay needs to be a bit longer as I am going from stressed out mode to involved in sex mode and ATM I need a bit of extra loving. 

But I get no pass on this, he needs/wants sex, he also needs to show me love and sex to him is a way of showing love. So even though this has been a difficult time our sex life has remained at an almost daily level (was previously daily plus).

I love him more for this, he has shown patience, caring, love and desire for me.

So yes stress can be a big deal but if your love life crumbles around you at the same time then what is left afterwards?

It might time you took her hand and told her you are taking her to bed. If she chooses to let stress rule your lives then you are in for a whole lot less sex, stress happens often, at different levels of course but a good solid intimate life can counter balance what goes on outside the bedroom.

TBH though it sounds like your woman may not place such an importance on sex or you. As a woman that deeply loves her man I can see that it is part of my role to be present for both of our sakes.


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