# young and separated



## rowena (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm so glad to have found this website. I'm trying everything I can to stop contacting my husband but to no avail. I just emailed, begging him to come back home. My story is a bit similar to all the ones that i've read here so far. 

Here's my story, i've never been in love until i met my husband, We got together on feb of 2008 and he asked me to marry him on may 2008, i said yes, we found out we were pregnant on july of 08 and got married on Dec of 08. Yes i know everything had happened so fast but we we're both in love. One of our main issues is that i'm very opinionated and i always said what i thought even if it is hurtful and he has a really bad temper. One more thing is that my husband i think is a pathological liar. He lies about everything and even when he's already caught he still denies it. I'm positive though that he's never cheated on me. One day i was done with all his lies so i went to talk to his mom and his brother to find out the truth. From that day which was a week from yesterday we've been separated. I've been trying my very best not to contact him for him to realize that all his lies are turning me into a person that i don't want to be. I've become really controlling and i always wanted to know where he was at and what he was doing at all times. I doubted everything that he tells and I do not trust him at all. He said it pains him that when he does tell the truth i still doubt him. I love him soo much i could not stand not seeing him or talking to him. I found out that he was in the hospital on monday and i went to see him right away. I didn't know how to act though so i was there but i was ignoring him talking more to his brother instead. I went to his house to see him the same day after he was discharged. The next day i was cancelled from work and instead of coming home i called him and asked him if he wanted to hang out with me. We had the best day ever and we talked and sometimes it got out on control but it felt nice, even after just 4 days of not seeing each other if felt nice to be together again. We ended up having sex that day, I initiated because i have a stronger libido than him which we also fight about sometimes. The day felt perfect he even gave me his myspace password which is one of our fights also because he wont give it to me so i'm thinking he's hiding something. And that day he finally gave it to me because i told him it's either i'm part of ALL you life or i'm not.. it's either i'm you're wife or not. I went on his myspace and found that he had deleted his messages form 2008 so texted him and I asked if i can ask him a question. I asked if he had cleaned up his myspace before giivng me his password. I know totally messed up on my part.. but who can blame me, i still had my doubts. He went ballistic and lost his cool and he asked me what i wanted from him. If i would actually feel better if i had found something that i'm trying to find something that is not there. It's been 2 days and we haven't spoken to each other. And it's killing me. He turned his phone off and i have no way of getting a hold of him. So i emailed him on his myspace hoping he'll check it. What should i do? I want to know if i'm doing anything wrong? What can i change that would help us be together especially because we love each other and because we have a daughter. I think he's trying to ignore me and its killing me. Someone please clear my mind.


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## Goodchristianman (Jun 18, 2009)

My oh my!

I agree that things happened way too fast for you guys, but the one thing that you have to have in a marriage is trust. I can se that you don't and if he lies as much as you say then I can understand why you don't have that trust. One of the major issues causing the other to take a step back is being way too controlling. I have somewhat of a problem in that area but not as much as you do. If you can, see if y both of you can seek counceling to talk about these issues before it is too late. It's apparent that you cannot do that without some help. It's a terrible way to live in a marriage if you constantly have to check up on your spouse.

Hope all will go well!


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## Goodchristianman (Jun 18, 2009)

My oh my!

I agree that things happened way too fast for you guys, but the one thing that you have to have in a marriage is trust. I can see that you don't and if he lies as much as you say then I can understand why you don't have that trust. One of the major issues causing the other to take a step back is being way too controlling. I have somewhat of a problem in that area but not as much as you do. If you can, see if you both of you can seek counceling to talk about these issues before it is too late. It's apparent that you cannot do that without some help. It's a terrible way to live in a marriage if you constantly have to check up on your spouse.

Hope all will go well!


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

I have similar problems with my wife being a liar as well. She modifies stories for whatever reason, and I think she really believes they actually happened that way.

First off, I think you are going to have to give him some space. If you really want to save things, you will have to be patient. It sucks and your going to feel like your loosing your mind somtimes, but you have to reach deep inside you and find the strength to see it through. Let things cool off for abit and perhaps discuss the posibility of getting some councelling together.

You have every right to be upset and untrusting. I really dont understand why he would have issues with you seeing his myspace page initially, unless he has something to hide. Are there more things that you are suspicious about?

Also, who was the one who wanted this separation and why? What was the final straw?

Hang in there and dont be afraid to ask for help.

welcome to the forums.


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## rowena (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm really not sure if i told him to leave or he left by himself. This all started when i told him that i will never be okay not knowing his myspace password. He didn't want to give it to me because he said its "My Myspace,". I told him if he's not hiding anything then why can't he give it me. He said because he won't give me the satisfaction and said that i'm just being paranoid and it's my sick mind that's causing the problems in our marriage. I still pushed on the subject and he said he was leaving. At that point though I wanted him to leave. Right when he left that's when I spoke with his mom and his brother. He flat out lied about almost everything he had told me. His family and friends said that its been a problem of his for a long time now and even they can't trust him. That's when I realized that he needs help and he needs to realize that he's hurting me by lying and that he can LOSE me because of his lying. 

I've tried so hard not to contact him but he's always on my mind. The hard thing is that i know being apart right now is what's best. He said he's willing to get help and he said he lies because he is not happy with himself. He lies to make himself look better and more interesting. He also explained the myspace part where i had thought he had deleted the messages from 2008, he was really never on it because we were inseperable the whole 2008 which was true, so i believed him. 

He was willing to work things out until two days ago when he lost it because i had accused him of deleting his messages from 2008. I apologized and i tried to put myself in his shoes i think i'll be pretty pissed too when i'm finally telling the truth and no one believes me. 

Oh btw.. when i talked to him about his lies he said he's willing to get help but he needs me there with him. He doesn't think he can do it with us being separated. What should i do? Should i tell him he needs to get help by himself then when he's okay then we can try it again? That will be very hard on my part as well. Like i said this is my very first serious relationship and had never had my heart broken ever before, this is the first time and it sucks.

I'm way to weak not to call him, i'm just wondering what other people had done to try to give the other person to contemplate. He on the other hand had never txted me and i took this as he doesn't love me enough because he can go through a day or 2 days without communicating with me. 

I don't know i'm just so lost.

Btw i'm 22 and my husband is 20


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Some people can just go longer without communication and handle it. Some are just too stubborn to admit they miss you.

If he wants you to attend councelling with him why not? You are his wife and if *you* think he is serious about getting help then you should support him any way you can. That doesnt mean getting back together ath the moment. Just be there for support.

If he admits he has a lying problem thats a *huge* step in the right direction. I was afraid to confront my wife about lying for YEARS because I was afraid she would leave before facing up to it. She left anyways and even now still wont face up.

This all depends on how you feel and if you trully want to save your marriage. Yes you are very young, but that shouldnt be the only yardstick by which one should be measured. Its your actions now that will tell the tale.

Hang in there.


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## mrslmndz (Apr 14, 2009)

what's the difference if you know his passwords or not? You either trust him or not. I think its all about control for you. you do not feel safe in the relationship and that is not allowing you to enjoy him and the relationship. I had all of my ex passwords, he had not problem with me having it, as a matter of fact he wanted me to create all of his passwords and asked me to look into his mail and look he left me for another girl. I thought he did not have anything to hide from me and he probably did not, until he decided to get up and leave. You need to enjoy your husband and not dwell on the fact that he does not want you to have his passwords because you either trust him or not and you dont need to have his passwords to make you feel safe because if your husband is happy or not happy with you it wont reflect on him giving you his passwords. That is not a sign of loyalty. Just enjoy him and the relationship because you are only making yourself miserable, if he wants to give it to you eventually he will give them to you without you asking him to give it to you. Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

For me, passwords are about personal space, not about trust. You need to keep some thngs for yourself in a relationship but the trust needs to be there for this set-up to work.

He isn't contacting you b/c he GOT BUSTED! Good. Let him not contact you. Think about it. He got busted, doesn't want to talk about all of the resons why he lies (ie: self-confidence issues etc), is embarressed and to make matters worse (for him) you got his family involved.

Let him fester. NOT NOT contact him. He is the one in the wrong. I fell aart the other day and I've been separated for months. Jestean on this forum told me "don't fall apart, stay strong and stand up for what you belive in. Best advice!!!

What do you belive in? You don't want to be with someone who has compulsive lying issues, do you? Do I hear no? Well good. Don't contact him. You want it to work out b/c you are absolutley in love with him? Yes? Firstly that kind of love is rare and should not be thrown away. BUT, he has to have the courage to face the reasons why he lies. You can do that together in councelling. Advice though, Contact some official organisation to get a pscychlogist (can't spell), that specialises in marriage conflict otherwise it is mostly like throwing money away.

Work on fixing it but be strong and take control of this problem.


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