# Separation - Logistics and Definition



## isthislife (Oct 28, 2014)

What is the general rule for or during a separation? What is the difference between separation and a divorce? I do know that with one, you're still legally married but I know everyone has a different definition. And what does separation really mean?

I've asked my husband (been together 7 years total, married 3) to move out in two weeks (on his next paycheck). I've had enough of "us"; the lack of communication, respect, trust and love. To top things off, he's got a serious mood swings due to his mental addiction to MJ and he gets violent (breaks things around the house) when he's irritated. I have realized that I am no longer in love with my husband but I didn't want to be a quitter like I have been in my previous marriage so I've hung in there for my daughter's sake (she's 3 1/2) but now I realize it's pointless if it's an unhealthy relationship.

Our relationship has always been rocky and I probably made a bad judgment call initially. But what's done is done and I honestly feel like being by myself (of course with my daughter too). But I'm confused, wondering if I'm making the right decision and of course have to deal with the uncertainty of my financial hardship.

My husband is currently angry with me so he is not speaking to me at the moment. He can be very immature and I don't know what he thinks this "separation" means to him. Nor do I know how much he will help with child support. He mentioned he will help pay for her school which is $600/month 3 weeks ago (when we thought we were splitting up then) but now he's going back on his word.

I want to be civil and fair but I want to make sure I'm still covered financially (especially since I don't make as much salary as he does and I'll have the higher rent then he will). I heard that child support is based on salary and since he doesn't make 100k, I heard it might be a few hundred dollars. Does anyone have more information on this or know of any other support? 

I guess I'm a bit confused myself with all this because I'm not terribly sad and I am able to go about my day as if it's not happening. Not sure if it's because I'm so numb from everything that's happened over the years or it's because I am in denial. Since I am unable to trust my emotions at the moment, I just wanted to get some feedback on what it sounds like to a 3rd party. I guess I feel a bit guilty too.

Sincerely Confused.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Child and spousal support are dependent on where you live, as is separation responsibilities. You should talk to a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities. 

Why do you want a separation instead of a divorce? And you do realize that you can't "kick" him out, if he choses not to leave. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## isthislife (Oct 28, 2014)

I live in California. And yes, I know I can't "kick" him out but he has agreed to leave. I guess if I can't live with him, I'd have to live without him. 

I am unsure for now as to why I want one over the other. I just need the constant arguing and fighting to stop, especially in front of our daughter. Which is the reason I want him to leave. I would leave except she's more attached to me and there is no way I'm leaving with a 3 year old kid. I assume in time we will file but we're currently not talking about "trying to work things out" or guidelines while apart. As far as he's concerned, we are not together. I guess I will have to think the same and see how everything goes. 

We normally can't even have a conversation about anything serious because it either becomes defensive from his end or just ends up in an argument. I don't know how we even lasted this long. I guess I was so in love with him that I was in denial.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

isthislife said:


> What is the general rule for or during a separation? What is the difference between separation and a divorce? I do know that with one, you're still legally married but I know everyone has a different definition. And what does separation really mean?
> 
> I've asked my husband (been together 7 years total, married 3) to move out in two weeks (on his next paycheck). I've had enough of "us"; the lack of communication, respect, trust and love. To top things off, he's got a serious mood swings due to his mental addiction to MJ and he gets violent (breaks things around the house) when he's irritated. I have realized that I am no longer in love with my husband but I didn't want to be a quitter like I have been in my previous marriage so I've hung in there for my daughter's sake (she's 3 1/2) but now I realize it's pointless if it's an unhealthy relationship.
> 
> ...


The general rule of separation is whatever rules or guidelines you set up don't really mean a great deal. What is the consequence, file divorce? Separations in general rarely work and all you start to do is learn to live without the other. It delay or stall before divorce. Your not really working on the issues of the marriage.

If you concerned about the finances then you should file for divorce right away so legally you are protected. In a separation you don't really have any protection. He could walk out the door and never give you a dime, not saying he will do that but its possible. 

California has an online calculator for figuring child support, just enter the earnings of each party and it will give you a close number. Filing for divorce does not mean you have to divorce. The two of you can reconcile and end the action but legally it does get some legal protections in place financially and it also starts the clock to either truly work to fix it or end it. 

Living in separation/divorce limbo is not fun on its best day


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