# Marriage Issues



## cdtjmom (Mar 19, 2011)

I am having some complex issues in my relationship and would like a man advice on my "husband" insight of what he doing. I already know I can't stay with him any longer but like to understand more about "why" and if I making the right move.

...we been together for 8yrs and married for 4 yrs. Doing our relationship he got married on me and didn't bother to tell me, move out into my apt. while married and cheated on the both us. He have physical abuse both her and I, she done things like try to hit him with a car, or bat, and slash his tires..I never physical attack there been time I could have said the wrong things to him to make him hit me. 

After getting married we stop physical fighting he said he found Jesus, and I tried to follow him. For the past two years he accuse me of lying about the paternity of our son. Okay, I have no problem with him question me but he will not do a DNA test. 

The reason why he ?s me is because when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, I had a one night stand with another(I know him for a year) and didnt tell him about upfront. Nevertheless, his wife at the time pays me a first and he in jail for no license and gone for a month. I was mad about how I let myself get involve and made a huge mistake before that time I never cheated on him even thought I knew he was all the time. I would talk or flirt with other but that it. So now he confront me with this...at first he accept the fact I slept on him 1 time and use protection. Now he have jumped from two weeks, a month, and two month without protection with multiple dudes. So he doesn't believe my son is his even though when he was in jail my delivery date would be different and he was only gone for a month.

So now we have daily bible study where I must confess or he tells me that he not the father, I trick him and now I must repay him. That I can't care or say anything about him see other women and anything else. I should be grateful for him wanting to help raise the boy. He says the money I make ( I work online at home making $100) is me paying child support to him...that I owe him for the rest of my life. He tells me that I curse and the reason for anything that goes wrong is alives cause I will stop lying the lie. He says if he live the kids will go to hell because I will be a bad mother and nothing would right for us. Just the other day he told me for me to do something like this I must have slept with mother boyfriend when younger. However, by 12yr old I stayed with my elderly aunt moving out and mother only had 2 boyfriend when I lived with her. He calls me ugly and anything else like demonic and evil. 

I tried to leave this past tax season, I even agree to give he half of my return but he agree. The next day he threaten to call DFACS and housing authority on me for fraud(never report my marriage status). I can not afford to buy food or housing without assistance. He don't work cause he got a bad record and didn't have license for a long time. With the tax money we got his license back now he still don't want to get something fast food or temp. If he dont work he will lost license again in August cause he got hold insurance for at least 2yrs I think.

I saving up my money to try to leave when I can, shelter in my areas are full and get bad comments from others. 

The reason why he think my son isn't his because we have 2 others whom are his skin tone is like mines.

I want to know I am doing the right thing and why he treating me this awful?


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

You don't need to justify your son's paternity to us, what you need to do is justify to yourself WHY you're still there - contact the refuges, surely there is space somewhere


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what's your question? What are you doing that you're wondering if it's the right thing? That you're planning on leaving? Seems pretty obvious that you have all sorts of reasons to leave and nobody would blame you. A better question would be why are you staying?

As far as why he's treating you this awful... Nobody here will likely be able to answer you. But it doesn't seem that he respects you or your marriage at all. I'm sure he would have his reasons for why he does what he does, but there doesn't seem that there would be any justification for any of it.

C


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## cdtjmom (Mar 19, 2011)

I am speaking with shelters outside my hometown due to they are full.

My question if I just up leave (sneaking out when can) would that be dirty on my part? I am just trying to see what I am going to do is the right way to handle it. And from a man point view would he say that was dirty of me or give insight on how he would expect a female to handle this?


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

cdtjmom said:


> My question if I just up leave (sneaking out when can) would that be dirty on my part? I am just trying to see what I am going to do is the right way to handle it. And from a man point view would he say that was dirty of me or give insight on how he would expect a female to handle this?


If he's abusive (looks like he is if I'm reading your OP right), get out and take your kids with you.

He's going to say and think what he says and thinks. You need to stop worrying about that and focus on you and your kids' safety.


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