# how should l be treating my wife now ?



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

l've been trying to solve this one for mths. 
she separated us 3mths ago , there was a friend and now they've hooked up.
she's renting in town and has my daughter through the wk and l'm still out on our place bc it needs a lot of work and l also work from home this was most practical.
l've had some big [email protected] in my life but this has been the most harrowing painful thing ever . and although with things being very tough this last few yrs , admittedly l've been no saint in all of this but have been working me guts out to get our place and work organized to.
but it got to much for her and not only did she separate us but she's seeing someone l'm sure had a part in messing with her head. but , she'd also had a massive few yrs too, plus 2 opps and othe very big health issues and a job change.

the thing is , we still see each other, phone and text all the time because of the to and fro with my daughter and all our finances, the house stuff.

problem my end is we still get along the same as always and can easily just end up talking and laughing for hrs , like on the phone last night. lt just happens.

but then just like today or other times , l remember or the realization of the two huge things sh's actually done , hit home and at those times l then swing round and hate her for it. lf she shows up or rings those days , l just can't look at her

l can't find a straight answer on this , seems most couples stop liking each other amongst all this stuff .
even a counceler said last night - so who says you have to do a 180 , forget the 180 where are you getting all that crap from anyway - now l'm really confused.

ls talking to my wife like this , allowing it , saying l forgive her , because l f'g don't .
thing is to though , not only do we just take off together still ,. we raid each others accounts and juggle , and throw in extra other times if ones short or cover their bills.
that's what we've always done even together . l mean l spose all this is better than the usual hate split - but l don't know.

l don't know anything anymore !


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Are y'all working on r? If yes keep doing what u are doing if not you need to separate your things and try to move forward with your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kronk (Dec 8, 2012)

You should be treating her with the same respect afforded to every human being.

That being said, as hard as any relationship breakdown is, you need to start moving forward with your own life. Put yourself back out there. I have always been a big advocate of returning to the dating scene right away, whether you are ready for a relationship or not, it helps to get out of the house and kill an hour or two. Look at it as a social outing but be careful not to unburden your soul. Enjoy it for what it is.... A date, plain and simple. Not the start of something new, not a promise of anymore to come..... A social outing.

Good luck dude!


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

I am new to all this too so I wont give advice to what to do I can only say what I would do, because currently my wife and I are separated now.

If my wife decided to start dating while we are separated and/or move in with another guy it would just be my realization that she has no intentions of trying to fix our marriage.
She would have apparently moved on from me so when she moves on from me she will have moved on from my financial support as well.

My thought on separating is for one or the two of the persons separating to give them space and time to think, not explore. 
If she wants to explore she can just divorce, because technically speaking we would still be married. Now again these are MY thoughts on it.


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

She's cake eating.

You either work on the marriage together or you move on.

Don't be plan B and don't fight for someone who's not willing to fight for you.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

thanks for that so far.
we're bound for years because of my daughter 11 and financially it has to stay joint there's no other way , until we sell the house economy permitting in 12 mths or so. besides it's really handy.
as far as us goes , no clue . she sounds like she sways a bit , me , no clue just yet.
i don't think people should rush these things though, 1/2 divorces don't even need to happen l reckon , we all quit to easy these days and rising so.
other girls , no hurry. still working through this 18yrs but there's sorta been a couple already . 

but with us , you hear about or see ex's all the time that are still really close don't ya and l think if nothin else she hopes we will always be . me as l say on that one , l'm confused because l should be hating her and sometimes l do but then l hurt her to , but at least l didn't quit and split us up.

keeping everything open for now though


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Your choice of course. Take your time. 

But an open marriage where you are both screwing other people... 

I have a hard time seeing that one working out. 

Best of luck.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

If you want her back then do 180 councilor be damned. If you want a good relationship with your daughter's mother whom you are not married to then do what you currently are doing.

So it depends on what you want. Currently you've been moved out of sexually attractive category and moved into my buddy category.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

coachman said:


> Your choice of course. Take your time.
> 
> But an open marriage where you are both screwing other people...
> 
> ...


hey coachman , where did that come from we're separated and no l could never live one of those either.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> If you want her back then do 180 councilor be damned. If you want a good relationship with your daughter's mother whom you are not married to then do what you currently are doing.
> 
> So it depends on what you want. Currently you've been moved out of sexually attractive category and moved into my buddy category.



hey that's a pretty good answer on top there but in all honesty , doesn't seem to be too many 180's round here getting back partners if that's what people want.
me , no clue. we should never have split , but we did and it f'g hurt so even if she wanted to i wouldn't know if i would.
the daughter side is huge though of course, for any couple l'd imagine. you don't wanna wreck their lives even more than you have by too much *****ing do ya.

ps , you haven't seen this friend of hers , not exactly the best looking dude l've ever seen


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

thanks dec. to be honest l was using her as part of my support. l haven't done a thing for her new life , l won't even talk about it. she comes her mostly , drops stuff off , even made me a pie. helps with bills if l can't make em, she's done a lot of stuff.
but , your probably talking verbally and yea again l've been sneaking her in as my support , l give hers none. l won't.
daresay to the way she's been with me is giving this new guy the [email protected] too, bonus.

but, you also might still be right. at times l haven't spoken to her when she's rocked up. l couldn't , but others we've just flung into almost just us again , it so confusing 
l haven't known what l've wanted from her but what she's done has wrecked our family and cut me to the core too, there's no doubt about that, your dead right.
but l'd hurt her very very deeply too , for 24 mths . i didn't really mean to but i was careless and selfish and it drove her to the brink l find out .
so, l haven't known, yet we're bound so I thought maybe rising above it, for my daughter , the house, tangled finances, benefits .

when i'd realized i'd hurt her like that , that tore me up so much but, l wanted to fix it, repair us but she took this and quit on us, her daughter.
so l've felt a strange mix when we have talked , on days i will talk to her but others l can't. l haven't known if i should give her that .

l was also worried because she'd read a full 180 like l didn't care after all and that would close that door to her so if she did have regrets , she would move on anyway. it's risky .
so did l want her back - l'm not sure, but if i did !.
carelessly being that way with her this last few yrs, is what drove her to this. life had been tough and she'd changed a lot , but l handled it/her, all wrong .
each day now though as reality of all this bites in more. there's a lot of anger , l might not have a choice.


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