# Why is it that women hold all the cards when it comes to sex?



## confusedfella (Jul 5, 2010)

I think I know the answer but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. I know it's not always true but, generally the woman decides how often couples have sex. Me about 3-4 times a week would be nice. Her 1-2 times a week. And foreplay isn't an issue I'll do what it takes and the times she wasn't interested generally she'll tell me she was glad we had sex. But when I initiate my success rate isn't very high. Any thoughts?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Generally my advice would be to work on increasing your overall attractiveness. Obviously asking her for sex ("pushing your interest") isn't working, so maybe try "pulling her interest" a little more.

Dress a little better, work out, be playfully flirting with her and then walk away yada yada yada. Basically game her a little. More on my blog like that. linked below.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

women hold all the cards?...they do?


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Nope not true, there are a lot of women who's husbands hold all the cards...


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

why do you think women want to get married so badly? And when you add in the kids they know they got the guy roped in pretty good. 

Try not having sex if your in a regular boyfriend/girlfriend R/T. It would be over real quick for the gal.

same goes for letting yourself go. Notice how many women who are divorced are in the gym? :rofl:


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I don't know about it being the woman, but I've read many times in other forums that the low libido person is the one holding all the cards.


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## Raideress12 (Jul 1, 2010)

cherrypie18 said:


> Nope not true, there are a lot of women who's husbands hold all the cards...


Absolutely! In my marriage, my husband holds the sex cards. With regard to that topic, I feel much more like the dude, I want to way more than he does, so I have to wait until he is in the mood... I sometimes feel like we are in the Twilight Zone!


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## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> I don't know about it being the woman, but I've read many times in other forums that the low libido person is the one holding all the cards.


That's true in my situation!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

All other things being equal - for sure the low drive spouse sets the pace. IF however the high drive spouse figures out the following short list, the low drive spouse will step up and AT LEAST meet you in the middle. This isn't "theory", this is what actually happened with us. I would say for most of our marriage she would have set the pace at 1-2 times a week. But the actual frequency was more than double that. In fact for many years it was at least 4-5 times a week. The short list is:

1. You need to be a good enough partner that your LD spouse really loves you - and really WANTS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. 
2. You need to put a lot into your marriage and into making sure your partners needs are met.
3. You need to tell your partner that for the marriage to be happy for YOU, they need to do two things:
- Honestly communication what turns them on and off both in and out of bed. This makes it much easier for your to increase their desire for you. 
- Teach you how to get them in the mood, when they start out in "neutral". Even in low sex marriages the LD spouse will often admit afterwards that they had fun. They simply are not willing to let their HD partner get them "started" most nights. 
4. Convey that a lack of sincere effort to meet in the middle in this area will be perceived for what it is - a lack of concern for your HD partners emotional needs. 
5. DON'T "over love" your partner with the subtle expectation they will give you sex in return. And DON'T bombard your low drive spouse with a constant sexual vibe as it will drive them fuvking crazy AND make them feel bad. DON'T express any sexual desire on nights when they are clearly exhausted or depressed as that is not nice. 
6. Love richly in quality but underlove just a little in QUANTITY so that your LD partner craves sex at last as much for the connection/closeness as for the rapture......

I never felt like my W was in control of our sex life. Not in frequency and certainly not in what we did. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Most high sex marriages are not comprised of TWO people who are horny all the time. Instead they are comprised of one HD spouse, and one well cared for, generally happy lower drive partner who has effectively communicated what they need to be turned on. 

This would be similar to me having said to my W, I am the sole breadwinner therefore I have 100 percent control over the money. I will do all the grocery / toothpaste etc. shopping and if you want money for ANYTHING else you need to ask me for it and if I am in the mood I will say yes, otherwise you will just have to wait until I feel like letting you "have some". Just for clarity sake - my full check went into our joint account and we had an agreement that if either of us intended any expenditure over X dollars it would be discussed in advance. And we both honored that agreement. 

When we married we both placed our bodies in the "marital" bed - fully available to each other barring a medical problem or extreme fatigue (something that neither of us used as an "Excuse"), and did the same with our money and our time. Everything became "ours". 




76Trombones said:


> I don't know about it being the woman, but I've read many times in other forums that the low libido person is the one holding all the cards.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

*this ought to get even the LD's in the rm "going," methinks.

(just a change of pace, lol)*

YouTube - Slow Ride - Foghat (with lyrics)


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I like that arrangement - that sounds pretty fair to me. That way everyone gets what they need. A fair deal.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

76Trombones said:


> I don't know about it being the woman, but I've read many times in other forums that the low libido person is the one holding all the cards.



thats a fair and true statement


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## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

Send a private message to Blue Moon requeting the ebook he has been sending out. It is all about flipping the table to the belief that the women hold all the cards. I have read it and it sounds like a plan that will really work. (haven't got to try much of it yet).

Really good read!


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

cherrypie18 said:


> Nope not true, there are a lot of women who's husbands hold all the cards...



Yep this is the situation I'm in. It seems more like the person with the lowest sex drive in a relationship holds all the cards. It just so happens that in some, if not many, relationships this is the woman. But there is are other relationships where it is the male who "holds the cards.


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## BorrowedHalo (Jul 6, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> -
> Even in low sex marriages the LD spouse will often admit afterwards that they had fun.


Sorry, you and several others are going to hate this one...What else would the "LD spouse" say? "I hated it and I'm glad it's over?" or "It was fine?" Is the LD spouse volunteering the information by saying, "I'm glad we did that, you were right." Or is that person answering the HD spouse who says, "That was pretty good, right?" There's a big difference between actually SAYING it was good and saying, "Mmm hmm."


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Halo,
I like you - you are smart. I tend not to ask "was that good?" Instead I ask "how can I make it more fun?"

But we also played some very helpful games:
"I kiss, you kiss" where she kissed ME the way she wanted me to kiss HER. And "I touch, you touch" same game but with massage and foreplay instead of kissing. 

And we often play "better one, better two" like the optometrist fitting you for a lens - except this is either non-sexual massage or direct sexual touch. 

But I have to tell you that the "photo" in the bedroom has a giant picture frame around it consisting of the rest of the marriage. Break the frame and you generally damage the photo. 

We both have a healthy lifestyle and frankly look about the same body wise as we did 21 years ago at 26. 

And we both have refined our sense of humor - a big aphrodisiac for most folks. And we ALWAYS lived below our means. Not at our means, BELOW our means. So financial stress gradually receded over the horizon line. 

Think of it as "marriage as a combination of adventure, extreme sport and one long bout of foreplay"

And yet - even with all that - BOTH our drives have dropped a lot in the last year. Go figure. 



BorrowedHalo said:


> Sorry, you and several others are going to hate this one...What else would the "LD spouse" say? "I hated it and I'm glad it's over?" or "It was fine?" Is the LD spouse volunteering the information by saying, "I'm glad we did that, you were right." Or is that person answering the HD spouse who says, "That was pretty good, right?" There's a big difference between actually SAYING it was good and saying, "Mmm hmm."


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