# other sites not as good as tam for betrayed spouse



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

so i have been doing some reading on other infidelity sites and i thank god i came to tam for help instead of being neutered at other sites.

example 1 
man suspects his wife so he vars the car.she gives a male coworker a ride home and they talk about their affair.busted.he sits on it for a couple months trying to get her to confess on her own,she finally does and he said they are still working together he hasnt exposed to the wife of the ap or work place.and is saying om told him that it wouldnt happen again.He is saying about how he is glad he didnt out the guy to his wife cause everyone deserves to be loved or some bullshot,and how he can hold his head up when he see's om and his wife at work functions knowing he took the high road.

example 2
ww gets pregnant from coworker.bh wants to work it out and ww wont commit to marriage because she wants om,but she wont leave bh because he is a better provider.om is trying to nice his wife back.He seems like he is afraid to take action because he is worried about what his ww and the om will do.even said he will raise om child as his own.he is getting some good advise but seems to stay in limbo until his wife make her mind up on who she wants.one poster ask if he was gonna invite om over to his house for thanksgiving and he said he hopes they can get to that point.

i wish these two would have com to tam,they would get some good advice.i know im glad i came here.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I think it more likely they would have fled within 24 hours, based upon the choices they made.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I was thinking about this the other day. I didn't know about TAM when I was going through my crisis phase. I pretty much just listened to my inner self. I wonder what my reaction would have been when everything was so incredibly raw. I did find TAM about 8 weeks after D Day, posted a bit and then forgot about it for some reason. I wasn't run off...just taking care of business.

I found some other sites which were helpful (women only sites) but they have a different vibe.

Now, I am back. I think I will hang around awhile.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

One thing I'm confident of. If I had found TAM immediately after D-day; one of two things would have happened.

I'd now be divorced; or I would be much more confident that I tested my WW's remorse to the fullest. Some mistakes made after D-day just can't be corrected - things already said being one of them.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Yes I think TAM is better then the others.
some pretty tough guys and gals here but they are right

my ww still thinks Love shack is a hook-up site

and i see some advise saying you should never check-up on you spouse; well i never use to.
blind trust should never be given to anyone


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I do read other forums but have yet to find one better than tam for infidelity support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

When I discovered TAM I was on such a downer and wanted to find out the answers to my questions, my W has tried her hardest to reassure me and settle my calm further but she did want to rug sweep, she also played out the script, I visited most of the other sites and was a little bit miffed at the advice given, when I came here I was shocked at how open and honest people were about seeking out the truth, confronting, exposure and how being indecisive gives the WS the upper hand in getting you to rug sweep and fall into false Rs all to easily.

The others are quite happy to give you the "don't rock the boat" speach, you just got your world turned upside down but don't make a fuss, it's not decent!

I also find the WSs here at TAM are all for ensuring BSs get the truth and are a great help in giving an insight into how their As came about and helping others understand from the other side of the fence.

The others don't seem to get trolled out as much because no one bites and the attitude of softly, softly has no attraction to attention seekers.


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## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

movin on said:


> so i have been doing some reading on other infidelity sites and i thank god i came to tam for help instead of being neutered at other sites.
> 
> example 1
> man suspects his wife so he vars the car.she gives a male coworker a ride home and they talk about their affair.busted.he sits on it for a couple months trying to get her to confess on her own,she finally does and he said they are still working together he hasnt exposed to the wife of the ap or work place.and is saying om told him that it wouldnt happen again.He is saying about how he is glad he didnt out the guy to his wife cause everyone deserves to be loved or some bullshot,and how he can hold his head up when he see's om and his wife at work functions knowing he took the high road.
> ...


No f'n way. I have had my moments of denial and wished my WW would snap out of it but this is just ridiculous. These poor fools are in beyond denial.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

The sad thing is some poor guy who just found out his wife is cheating could come across the 2 examples I gave and mistake that this is how you should handle things. And never even get the good advice here. But I guess he will at least get some ((hugs))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I know the #2 thread on LS. He needs to be slapped (which I wont do) and I need to take his man card from him.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I got booted from SI for helping a BS bust his wife tho I am following the Allatsea threads there.

I would LOVE to know what is in their secret pay for it bust your wife section see how it compares to:

ME.

Oh and I cost BS nothing and have in fact done crazy sh!t for some of them.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

yes weightlifter I am glad you are here on TAM.

have you ever worked with the CIA, FBI, or NSA?

I know, I know you probably can't say


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> I know the #2 thread on LS. He needs to be slapped (which I wont do) and I need to take his man card from him.


I don't think that guy ever had a man card.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> I got booted from SI for helping a BS bust his wife tho I am following the Allatsea threads there.
> 
> I would LOVE to know what is in their secret pay for it bust your wife section see how it compares to:
> 
> ...


Before I came to TAM, I was an SI regular. Much of what I learned about infidelity, I learned over there. With that said, SI has changed a lot. It used to be like here, with others giving no nonsense, tough advice that actually works. But that was years ago. 

Since then, its now become just a "rant", "cry on your shoulder" type site, where the most you can offer to a new BS is "cyber hugs" and "awww, I'm so sorry for your situation", etc. Any more than that and the members immediately jump on you, calling you rude, not supportive, etc. This is why nowadays if you look at the threads there, they are mostly very short and not much useful advice anymore. 

Then there's Marriage Builders, where they advocate Plan A - otherwise known as nice your WS back and one veteran there continually advises BSs to compete with the OM/OW because you have the advantage.  So you have plenty of megathreads there where the BS is trying to win their WS back, which of course rarely ever works, so they end up going to Plan B.

Love Shack, well, the site was established by a cheater, and they have a dedicated OM/OW forum where these OM/OW are protected. Some of the posts there can really get your blood boiling, as you see these unremorseful WSs in the fog. But the owner isn't around much anymore and they have one mod, which is of course a cheater, and he is quick to delete posts that he thinks are too harsh towards WSs and ban others who call out WS on their behavior. Its pathetic now.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

movin on said:


> so i have been doing some reading on other infidelity sites and i thank god i came to tam for help instead of being neutered at other sites.
> 
> example 1
> man suspects his wife so he vars the car.she gives a male coworker a ride home and they talk about their affair.busted.he sits on it for a couple months trying to get her to confess on her own,she finally does and he said they are still working together he hasnt exposed to the wife of the ap or work place.and is saying om told him that it wouldnt happen again.He is saying about how he is glad he didnt out the guy to his wife cause everyone deserves to be loved or some bullshot,and how he can hold his head up when he see's om and his wife at work functions knowing he took the high road.
> ...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

convert said:


> yes weightlifter I am glad you are here on TAM.
> 
> have you ever worked with the CIA, FBI, or NSA?
> 
> I know, I know you probably can't say


No but I took one of those IQ tests that measured high IQs and partitioned it into parts.
Math / Pattern / Sequence / Spatial 160
Verbal only 120


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Amplexor said:


> Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


I was attracted to the Alpha in them, NOT!!!!!!!!


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


But we always come home to tam. Isn't that what matters lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

movin on said:


> But we always come home to tam. Isn't that what matters lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Plan "B" :rofl:


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


It was just one time. And we used protection. Honest
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I was drunk, I really don't know what happened


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

wranglerman said:


> I was attracted to the Alpha in them, NOT!!!!!!!!





movin on said:


> But we always come home to tam. Isn't that what matters lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





movin on said:


> It was just one time. And we used protection. Honest
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm doing a 180 on this thread. NC Beoches!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

If OM ever showed up at my house on Thanksgiving he can expect to get his giblets carved up.

I ended up here (on Thanksgiving ironically) because I happened to google "coping with infidelity" and this came up. There is also a website run by two married psychologists; he had an affair on her some years ago and then they reconciled. It seemed helpful but since it was focused on reconciling, I felt I wasn't at that point yet- still in a limbo stage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> If OM ever showed up at my house on Thanksgiving he can expect to get his giblets carved up.
> 
> I ended up here (on Thanksgiving ironically) because I happened to google "coping with infidelity" and this came up. There is also a website run by two married psychologists; he had an affair on her some years ago and then they reconciled. It seemed helpful but since it was focused on reconciling, I felt I wasn't at that point yet- still in a limbo stage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How about now, Philly? All good?


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I found TAM when I googled, "my wife doesn't love me anymore" I started in the sex in marriage section, but because of what I read there, when the xw gave me the ILYBNILWY speech, I knew to look at her cell phone. the rest is history. I have not visited other websites, never felt the need and I am not a cheater!!!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Philat said:


> How about now, Philly? All good?


hey Philat, all good now. Besides the weather anyway.

I needed good put-your-foot-down advice and got that here. Not sure i would have gotten that elsewhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Some of you might know me from SI or LS. I've been on these sites for years. They all have their good and bad points. I prefer TAM!!

I also read the forums on DB(Divorce Busting) occasionally, not a member. I don't agree with they're technique. Hardly ever a happy ending there.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Tobyboy said:


> Some of you might know me from SI or LS. I've been on these sites for years. They all have their good and bad points. I prefer TAM!!
> 
> I also read the forums on DB(Divorce Busting) occasionally, not a member. I don't agree with they're technique. *Hardly ever a happy ending there.*


Since when did we get all the happy ever afters here?:scratchhead:

Last one I saw was Chris989 who seemed to be paving the ways for a better future.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


I'm sure it was someone else's fault. Yeah, that's it. Someone else made me do it.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> Love Shack, well, the site was established by a cheater, and they have a dedicated OM/OW forum where these OM/OW are protected. Some of the posts there can really get your blood boiling, as you see these unremorseful WSs in the fog. But the owner isn't around much anymore and they have one mod, which is of course a cheater, and he is quick to delete posts that he thinks are too harsh towards WSs and ban others who call out WS on their behavior. Its pathetic now.


Oh that OM/OW thread over there is a HUGE trigger. Thread after thread of OW complaining about how their MM is just staying for the kids and how horrible the BS is. They are so sure their MM hasn't had sex with the BS since the affair started (haha). Complaining about not being able to spend Valentine's Day with their boyfriend. Complaining about how they can't go out in public together. And then when these OW find out their MM has more than one OW? Oh the outrage!!! And so many other OW on that site responding with virtual hugs and "sorry you are hurting." Gag me.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm shallow.

I couldn't read at SI too much because let's face it, the web design and layout is ugly. 

Luckily for me, the much better looking TAM was also more intelligent, sophisticated and charming. 

So while it was TAM's looks that got me interested, it was the heart of TAM that kept me coming back for more.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

I get banned a lot here, i wouldn't survive a day over there. In fact love shack banned me after two post.


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## lyndyb (Feb 9, 2014)

I also Googled when I found out about his A and EA, TAM helped me realise that my emotions were what everyone goes through when they have been betrayed. I couldn't get through to him that she was more than a friend and a work colleague which he had kept a secret for 7 years. All the lies and deceit were becoming to much for me I was ready to D. He wanted to R,

I remember a link from Mrs J A Adams How to help your spouse heal from your Affair. I read it over and over it was like I was reading about me. He was behaving like the unsuccessful rebuilder it was exactly like the situation we were in. I told my H he should read it which he did and still does. It was like a light came on he realised what he was doing wrong and he started from that day to try and repair the damage he's done. We are a lot better now he knows it just doesn't happen overnight it can take years to rebuild. If I hadn't found TAM I think I would of D him.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


Yes if you had met my needs I would not have had to go there

"I'm sorry ......but"


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

TAM rules 

You get it given you up front in your face be you betrayed or wayward - and that for me is fair enough

People may think it's a bit over the top but I can honestly say this place has completely revolutionized the way I think about/deal with infidelity in my life and in other peoples as well 

My biggest regret is that I did not find it earlier much earlier, because so many wasted years would have been saved.

Still it has helped prepare me for the future in terms of what I will and will never accept from a future partner, so great for that

__________ 

I've looked at a couple of those sites and (as part time web builder ) I find it hard to just even read the text for any length of time let alone get to grips with any of the content, the visual aspect is such a gooey mess 

I often moan about reasons for bannings on here but clearly we 're not that bad 

Tam


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

SF-FAN said:


> No f'n way. I have had my moments of denial and wished my WW would snap out of it but this is just ridiculous. These poor fools are in beyond denial.


I don't know about Moving On's story #1, but I do know about story #2. That one is vastly more complicated and in my opinion is a classic example of a lose-lose-lose situation. Nobody can win.

I don't blame Moving On in any way, I doubt anybody could write a summary of the full story that would do it justice.

The lesson is that when we find a new or almost new thread, we should probably first ask a few more questions before jumping in with recommendations. OP's are troubled posters and often leave out important information at the start.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Amplexor said:


> Wow, TAM members visiting other sites? You bunch of frigg'n cheaters!!!


And we don't even show remorse. I think we ought to be treated to a 180 and outed to our MC's.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

movin on said:


> It was just one time. And we used protection. Honest
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And we didn't even read anything.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

movin on said:


> But we always come home to tam. Isn't that what matters lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cake eater!  LOL


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> And we don't even show remorse. I think we ought to be treated to a 180 and outed to our MC's.


Internet Forum Counseling service - IFC

If you hold serial membership of multiple Internet marriage sites it may be worth considering your counseling options now. You could end up becoming an internet forum playa ! 

"Okay I admit it I joined marriage builders before surviving infidelity ....(maybe it was the other way around.!)

"Truth is TAM I never meant to hurt you and I'm only telling you this now to save YOUR feelings" 

"you want me to send those forums a no contact document? - are you out of your mind!"

"I only went to them because YOU were not showing me what I needed, never gave me the support you should have done, and I never knew it would turn into a PA after years of lurking with emotional intent to attach" 

"I should be allowed to join any internet 'service' I want, it's a free country!"

TAM - I want a forum divorce - NOOW!


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## Granny7 (Feb 2, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> If OM ever showed up at my house on Thanksgiving he can expect to get his giblets carved up.
> 
> I ended up here (on Thanksgiving ironically) because I happened to google "coping with infidelity" and this came up. There is also a website run by two married psychologists; he had an affair on her some years ago and then they reconciled. It seemed helpful but since it was focused on reconciling, I felt I wasn't at that point yet- still in a limbo stage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


PhillyGuy13,
What's the name of the site your talking about? I think I've checked it out and the responses aren't very good.
Granny7


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

TAM certainly helped me.
If I hadn't of posted and got a HEAP of advice/abuse/tough-love...I'd probably still be in married-limbo waiting things out to try and 'win' my wife back into what was a black hole of a marriage anyway.

Weightlifter - I've also read AllAtSea's thread from Day #1 - that's a heartbreaker for sure - the guy is really being put through the mincer by his now pregnant STBX and her OM...but he's really hanging in there.


The Mods on TAM are pretty good too (they even banned me for 'sarcasm' not long ago!  )


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Internet Forum Counseling service - IFC
> 
> If you hold serial membership of multiple Internet marriage sites it may be worth considering your counseling options now. You could end up becoming an internet forum playa !
> 
> ...



That is nothing more than a pile of justifications and history re-writing.  You're a serial cheating marriage foruminizer..... or something like that. :scratchhead:

Now, you go handwrite those NC letters right this minute, or your PC, keyboard, laptop, Smart Phone, iPad, and whatever else you're using to facilitate getting some "strange" from another marriage forum is going to be put into plastic garbage bags and thrown out on the front lawn faster than it takes you to log off!


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

davecarter said:


> TAM certainly helped me.
> If I hadn't of posted and got a HEAP of advice/abuse/tough-love...I'd probably still be in married-limbo waiting things out to try and 'win' my wife back into what was a black hole of a marriage anyway.
> 
> Weightlifter - I've also read AllAtSea's thread from Day #1 - that's a heartbreaker for sure - the guy is really being put through the mincer by his now pregnant STBX and her OM...but he's really hanging in there.
> ...


I wondered why you got banned 

sarcasm? I'd better watch that, sometimes I slip into a bit of that !


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Well, TAM and I discussed our issues and we agreed that while TAM is allowed to see other posters, I can see other fora too - kind of an open relationship. Nothing wrong with that since we made the agreement with eyes wide open.

I usually see myself as a fair and open minded person, I'm willing to learn from other perspectives, respect people's right to have other perceptions and opinions (ok, I slip once in a while and usually regret it). In return, I like to be respected for who I am.

It was a brutal wake up call for me when I found myself banned at SI. I've some good virtual friends on LS (avoiding the OM/OW forum) as I have here at TAM. I think these two fora is a good mix for me.

I avoid MB simply because I don't like the concept.


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## Granny7 (Feb 2, 2013)

cpacan said:


> Well, TAM and I discussed our issues and we agreed that while TAM is allowed to see other posters, I can see other fora too - kind of an open relationship. Nothing wrong with that since we made the agreement with eyes wide open.
> 
> I usually see myself as a fair and open minded person, I'm willing to learn from other perspectives, respect people's right to have other perceptions and opinions (ok, I slip once in a while and usually regret it). In return, I like to be respected for who I am.
> 
> ...


cpacan,
I agree with in in regards to TAM being the best site around that offers so much help. I belonged to another site for quite a while, like a year and got some help there, but I didn't think the people were as kind. I do like the Private site as I was getting hit with some "not so nice" comments for a while and I it was totally unnecessary. I can listen to any kind of advice, but when someone sends you about 6 in a row, that's a little to much. So, I go back and forth from the Private to our regular. Mostly I feel that TAM offers so many places and different topics to read that all it can do is help you or you can help others. Just my two cents worth.
Granny7


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Headspin said:


> I wondered why you got banned
> 
> sarcasm? I'd better watch that, sometimes I slip into a bit of that !


Better be careful there too as I like a bit of banter and ribbing from time to time!!!

Mind you, surprised I have not had a ban yet as I tend to type what comes directly into my head sometimes 

But "I am sorry" "honest"


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Granny7 said:


> PhillyGuy13,
> What's the name of the site your talking about? I think I've checked it out and the responses aren't very good.
> Granny7


Just looked for it. It was marriage builders. Didn't realize it was one of the popular ones. The only thing
I liked on that site was the Q&A that the Dr. Harley's had with people writing in. Their hearts were in the right place but they seemed to sugar coat quite a bit. Ultimately I much preferred the open discussion that these forums give you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

EDIT: it's not marriage builders, apologies to the Harley's.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Just looked for it. It was marriage builders. Didn't realize it was one of the popular ones. The only thing
> I liked on that site was the Q&A that the Dr. Harley's had with people writing in. Their hearts were in the right place but they seemed to sugar coat quite a bit. Ultimately I much preferred the open discussion that these forums give you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dr. Harley has never cheated on Joyce, and vice versa.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I was on another site for a while prior to finding TAM. It was very similar but very small. The website is going through major changes and is not useful anymore. One of the posters on that website mentioned TAM and I followed him here. One of the key guys on the other site died about a week after sending me a very thoughtful message (I did not know he was sick). I switched in 2011, but again, I found it almost the same as TAM.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> I was on another site for a while prior to finding TAM. It was very similar but very small. The website is going through major changes and is not useful anymore. One of the posters on that website mentioned TAM and I followed him here. One of the key guys on the other site died about a week after sending me a very thoughtful message (I did not know he was sick). I switched in 2011, but again, I found it almost the same as TAM.


I think you're talking about the Chat Cheaters forum and the guy that died was skirt chaser. It was a good forum.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

TAM is the best of them all, am usually a looker only around here hence my first post....but one thing I dam regret is not finding TAM sooner after dday....instead of 6 weeks later....


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

So what is your story of woe CBT?


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

It all starts with the people the community that resides here, for the most part good honest opinions tempered with compassion.

We are all here due to our circumstances (no matter what forum you post on here) and to hear others who may have a similar issue and their experiences gives others some insight and maybe more importantly the sense that someone else feels the same as I do.

I have been grateful to find a place I can scream if I need to, get a kind thought, give a kind thought and find an honest opinion from someone who is going through what I am.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

3putt said:


> Dr. Harley has never cheated on Joyce, and vice versa.


Ok. I'm confused then. I'll find the website tonight. Two psychologists, book, seminar, website... He cheated, they reconciled, happy happy now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Ok. I'm confused then. I'll find the website tonight. Two psychologists, book, seminar, website... He cheated, they reconciled, happy happy now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've seen that one too, Philly. It's not the Harleys.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Love Shack, well, the site was established by a cheater, and they have a dedicated OM/OW forum where these OM/OW are protected. Some of the posts there can really get your blood boiling, as you see these unremorseful WSs in the fog. But the owner isn't around much anymore and they have one mod, which is of course a cheater, and he is quick to delete posts that he thinks are too harsh towards WSs and ban others who call out WS on their behavior. Its pathetic now.


I've always been surprised at the amount of crap I've gotten away with on the OM/OW forum on LS.

The problem with LS is that it's dominated by folks who've never been married. I can't think of a better site than TAM for discussions of marriage-related topics.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> I think you're talking about the Chat Cheaters forum and the guy that died was skirt chaser. It was a good forum.


correct. skirt chaser and others gave me very solid advice. Then Arnold got banned and was here and he recommended TAM to me. He got banned here as well. He and I corresponded but he would go over the top with some of his post, hence, banning.

If I remember correctely skirt chaser sent me a message and it was the last one he sent before he died. I don't remember who but a regular poster sent me a message saying that he died. 

The forum has changed so much I can't go back and look at my old posts.


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