# Flirting



## Jellybeans

I am posting this here since well, I need manly opinions.

So I am single almost a year post-divorce and I fin dmyself feeling more receptive to some flirtation. Which is a good thing since I've had a major wall up for the better part of the last 2.5 years w/ everything that happened and my divorce.

Ok so here's the thing.... I don't know how to flirt. I know that sounds stupid and idiotic but it's true. I never dated much, my exH was my only serious relationship ever & we dated all of my 20s (and were married). Like, how do you keep your boundaries up but still flirt and be open to that banter but not go too far with it? I am so lost. 

What do I do if a guy is flirting with me and I like it but he's coming on really aggressive/laying it on thick & I want to flirt back but I don't like how aggressive the flirting is? 

Or how do you flirt in general? I know I have a lot of walls up in general..........I am not much of a flirt and never was. Also I am not looking to date (still) but I am more receptive now to the idea of hanging out with guys on friendly terms since the divorce.

I am lost and trying to make my way through these unchartered waters. 

I know this all sounds silly, not knowing how to flirt, but I would like some advice/opinions. 

Hit me!


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## Almostrecovered

laugh at his dumb jokes
touch his arm during conversation
smile slyly
wink
appear flushed as the redness indicates sexual arousal
keep your feet pointed towards the man you are flirting with


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## Stryker

Almostrecovered said:


> laugh at his dumb jokes
> touch his arm during conversation
> smile slyly
> wink
> appear flushed as the redness indicates sexual arousal
> keep your feet pointed towards the man you are flirting with


 Tips De "Courting Signals.."


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## Jellybeans

Almostrecovered said:


> appear flushed as the redness indicates sexual arousal


:rofl:

Noted


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## Stryker

Jellybeans said:


> *Ok so here's the thing....
> Hit me !*


*Alright, Sure Thing.. time and place.? *:awink:


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## Almostrecovered

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Noted


it's the reason why women wear blush and lipstick


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## Entropy3000

Almostrecovered said:


> laugh at his dumb jokes
> touch his arm during conversation
> smile slyly
> wink
> appear flushed as the redness indicates sexual arousal
> keep your feet pointed towards the man you are flirting with


Use your eyes. Even from across the room they will be a laser.

The arm touch is big. Smile is most important. Try to get close to him. Lean in to share a comment that only he can hear. It is less about the comment and more about the intimacy.


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## Broncos Fan

I agree with most of what's been said here generally, but I also think it's important to be sort of "unaware" as you flirt. I mean I get that you're just getting back into it, so you'll be very conscious of it all at first. But really the best flirting happens when you're unaware of what you're doing until you're deep into it, or even after it's over. It just comes naturally and your responses are natural. That's when you know there's some real potential chemistry with the other person. I say this not because you don't know it but so you don't fall into the trap of thinking in terms of "now I do this, because he did that..." etc. It will be awkward at first but eventually the ability to just flirt casually will be both fun and an indicator of something more.


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## Jellybeans

Stryker said:


> *Alright, Sure Thing.. time and place.? *:awink:


Ok, this is exactly what I meant in my post. Perfect example: say someone is flirting with you and they take it farther than you'd like and go sexual with a comment. But you want to flirt with them (no, Stryker, I don't mean you, just in general) -- how do you let them know that is going too far w/o coming across like a meanie and/or how do you respond to that? 



*Dean* said:


> If you really like him, then undressing him with your eyes helps a whole lot....that's called advanced flirting



Haha. I almost feel too prude for that. I am the kind of person who if I see someone I find attractive I may smile and then I feel stupid and look the other way. 



Entropy3000 said:


> Use your eyes.
> 
> Lean in to share a comment that only he can hear. It is less about the comment and more about the intimacy.


I will keep this in mind.


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## LaxUF

Don't want to jack the thread but I would like to ask two follow up questions... 

I have always been told that I look unapproachable... which unfortunately also comes with a very bad side-effect of attracting the wrong men. 

Truthfully... If I'm not smiling I can look like I'm a b*tch or that I'm kinda pizzed off. It's not purposeful; it's mostly the result of my eyes & eyebrows. My face & expressions are easily misread; eyes squinted slightly, eyebrows up if I'm listening or thinking.

Any tips or advice for reminding myself to smile more or send out a friendly approachable vibe?

Also... what signals or statements can you make to get the message across *politely* when advances are unwelcome? *(whoops... see what JB asked above too)*


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## Almostrecovered

also-

dilate your pupils
have your lips swell
have a hint of sweat on your cleavage/chest


play porn music in the background


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## Stryker

Almostrecovered said:


> also-
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *play porn music in the background*


if at all, rather let it be a romantic ,sensuous one or even erotic...not porn


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## nice777guy

In this day and age blowing off a guy is fairly easy. Do you have a smart phone? Show more interest in your phone than the guy.

Also works with a dumb phone...or a salt shaker...or almost any inanimate object. But then you're kind of being mean...


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## LaxUF

*Dean* said:


> When a woman looks away, away for a long period of time, men
> generally consider it a sign that the woman isn't in to him.
> 
> Also if an advanced is unwelcome, then short answers to a question
> or don't say much, walk away, don't look at him, etc.


What if you are on a date with him? Can't really walk away without coming across; as JB described "a meanie".


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## Almostrecovered

LaxUF said:


> Don't want to jack the thread but I would like to ask two follow up questions...
> 
> I have always been told that I look unapproachable... which unfortunately also comes with a very bad side-effect of attracting the wrong men.
> 
> Truthfully... If I'm not smiling I can look like I'm a b*tch or that I'm kinda pizzed off. It's not purposeful; it's mostly the result of my eyes & eyebrows. My face & expressions are easily misread; eyes squinted slightly, eyebrows up if I'm listening or thinking.
> 
> Any tips or advice for reminding myself to smile more or send out a friendly approachable vibe?
> 
> Also... what signals or statements can you make to get the message across *politely* when advances are unwelcome? *(whoops... see what JB asked above too)*



You're a model, aren't you _supposed_ to be a b!tch? 
:lol:



the body/face for the most part reflects your actual mood, so I joked above about the sexual cues because it comes involuntarily. If you think it, your body will usually do it without you even noticing. The same goes for smiling and making eye contact, etc. If you're interested in someone or feel happy/flirty- you will make eye contact and smile. (unless you are nervous, in which case your body goes into "flight" mode and actually show the opposite signs)


as far as rebuffing advances, just be direct and mirror the advance. If it was a polite advance (a simple "would you like to go out sometime?") have a polite response ("no thank you, I appreciate your interest but I am only interested in being friends". If it was a rude a forceful come on, have a rude and forceful come back.


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## Jellybeans

Almostrecovered said:


> play porn music in the background


Noted. I'll be sure to carry my iPod around w/ me now and have it on speaker. :lol:

Ok so how do you know...if some guy is just flirting with you or genuinely likes you? 

And what if you like a guy but he's being aggressive and too forward but you want to still flirting but don't really know how to respond to what he's saying:

Example: 
You (me): I like eggs. 
Him: I'd love to make you eggs
You: Ok well next time I see you I'll buy you a drink in exchange for the eggs
Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning? 
You: "How bout just a friendly drinks and chat"
Him: "Yeah...with some friendly flirting/grab ass." 

? 

Help.


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## nice777guy

LaxUF said:


> What if you are on a date with him? Can't really walk away without coming across; as JB described "a meanie".


No - but you can look away as suggested.

And really - I would rather know a woman isn't interested than have her act polite and pretend she's having a great time - then ignore my PMs on TAM - er...I mean phone calls - later!

So - you're single???


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## nice777guy

Jellybeans said:


> Noted. I'll be sure to carry my iPod around w/ me now and have it on speaker. :lol:
> 
> Ok so how do you know...if some guy is just flirting with you or genuinely likes you?
> 
> And what if you like a guy but he's being aggressive and too forward but you want to still flirting but don't really know how to respond to what he's saying:
> 
> Example:
> You (me): I like eggs.
> Him: I'd love to make you eggs
> You: Ok well next time I see you I'll buy you a drink in exchange for the eggs
> Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning?
> You: "How bout just a friendly drinks and chat"
> Him: "Yeah...with some friendly flirting/grab ass."
> 
> ?
> 
> Help.


Seriously?


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## Almostrecovered

Jellybeans said:


> Noted. I'll be sure to carry my iPod around w/ me now and have it on speaker. :lol:
> 
> Ok so how do you know...if some guy is just flirting with you or genuinely likes you?
> 
> And what if you like a guy but he's being aggressive and too forward but you want to still flirting but don't really know how to respond to what he's saying:
> 
> Example:
> You (me): I like eggs.
> Him: I'd love to make you eggs
> You: Ok well next time I see you I'll buy you a drink in exchange for the eggs
> Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning?
> You: "How bout just a friendly drinks and chat"
> Him: "Yeah...with some friendly flirting/grab ass."
> 
> ?
> 
> Help.


classy guys you hang with 


"how about I go have a drink with someone who is more respectful"


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## Jellybeans

I am just giving examples so you guys can help me out. 

So a good response is "Be respectful." 

?



nice777guy said:


> No - but you can look away as suggested.
> 
> And really - I would rather know a woman isn't interested than have her act polite and pretend she's having a great time - then ignore my PMs on TAM - er...I mean phone calls - later!
> 
> So - you're single???


:rofl:


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## Stryker

Jellybeans said:


> Noted. I'll be sure to carry my iPod around w/ me now and have it on speaker. :lol:
> 
> Ok so how do you know...if some guy is just flirting with you or genuinely likes you?
> 
> And what if you like a guy but he's being aggressive and too forward but you want to still flirting but don't really know how to respond to what he's saying:
> 
> Example:
> You (me): I like eggs.
> Him: I'd love to make you eggs
> You: Ok well next time I see you I'll buy you a drink in exchange for the eggs
> Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning?
> You: "How bout just a friendly drinks and chat"
> Him: "Yeah...with some friendly flirting/grab ass."
> 
> ?
> 
> 
> Help.


he is outright overboard, but it depends on the kind of woman he is with...if she is sl*t kind, she wouldnt even wait after that ...if she is wanting romantic ,passionate yet hilarity mixed...she wouldnt even sit with him any further...


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## Jellybeans

^ Agreed. Just say "I'm not really feeling this. It's best we end the date here."


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## Almostrecovered

Jellybeans said:


> I am just giving examples so you guys can help me out.
> 
> So a good response is "Be respectful."
> 
> ?
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


as I stated, mirror the language of the come on-

if it's polite, be polite but direct in saying no
if it's rude like that exchange be direct and rude back


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## Stryker

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, this is exactly what I meant in my post. Perfect example: say someone is flirting with you and they take it farther than you'd like and go sexual with a comment. But you want to flirt with them (no, Stryker, I don't mean you, just in general) -- how do you let them know that is going too far w/o coming across like a meanie and/or how do you respond to that?


*The Woman conveyed Hit me  even as indirectly hinting and for the more ambiguously of her intention in the guise of HILARITY...and the Guy replied likewise, ...here if it is taken to be an Offence , you will spoil the Chance .*.


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## nice777guy

Almostrecovered said:


> as I stated, mirror the language of the come on-
> 
> if it's polite, be polite but direct in saying no
> if it's rude like that exchange be direct and rude back


Or just be direct. If you're rude - and he's really that big of an idiot - he might think you're still flirting. 

Talk to him like he's four - he'll get the point...


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## Jellybeans

Ok, noted. Talk to him like he's 4.


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## Jellybeans

I know, right?  Baby steps. 

It's been a long 2.5 years and I need to get out of my rut and fear of relationships/dating/men/rejection/life.


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## nice777guy

LaxUF said:


> Don't want to jack the thread but I would like to ask two follow up questions...
> 
> I have always been told that I look unapproachable... which unfortunately also comes with a very bad side-effect of attracting the wrong men.
> 
> Truthfully... If I'm not smiling I can look like I'm a b*tch or that I'm kinda pizzed off. It's not purposeful; it's mostly the result of my eyes & eyebrows. My face & expressions are easily misread; eyes squinted slightly, eyebrows up if I'm listening or thinking.
> 
> Any tips or advice for reminding myself to smile more or send out a friendly approachable vibe?
> 
> Also... what signals or statements can you make to get the message across *politely* when advances are unwelcome? *(whoops... see what JB asked above too)*


And don't think I haven't noticed your Avatar - staring at me...


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## Tall Average Guy

Search on the web both for indicators of interest and indicators of disinterest. Both can help you send the appropriate message as needed. Of course, for the more direct and disrespectful approach like in your example, a short terse "I am not interested" works best.


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## Jellybeans

You know what? I've got this. Sometimes I make things a bigger deal than they are.......

If someone goes overboard I can say: 

"I like you. But you're being inappropriate. Tone it down."

Bow chicka bow wow. 

I will look on the net, Tall. I do royally suck at flirting so I am sure it could help.


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## Tall Average Guy

Jellybeans said:


> You know what? I've got this. Sometimes I make things a bigger deal than they are.......
> 
> If someone goes overboard I can say:
> 
> "I like you. But you're being inappropriate. Tone it down."
> 
> Bow chicka bow wow.
> 
> I will look on the net, Tall. I do royally suck at flirting so I am sure it could help.


I am terrible at reading the signs of interest, so I found it useful, even though I am married, in helping me read my wife better.


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## LaxUF

Jellybeans said:


> If someone goes overboard I can say:
> 
> "I like you. But you're being inappropriate. Tone it down."


Perfect! I'm gonna use this response... it shifts the rudeness from you to him in a direct yet mature manner.


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## LaxUF

Almostrecovered said:


> You're a model, aren't you _supposed_ to be a b!tch?
> :lol:
> 
> *uuummm.... ouch?*
> 
> the body/face for the most part reflects your actual mood, so I joked above about the sexual cues because it comes involuntarily. If you think it, your body will usually do it without you even noticing. The same goes for smiling and making eye contact, etc. If you're interested in someone or feel happy/flirty- you will make eye contact and smile. (unless you are nervous, in which case your body goes into "flight" mode and actually show the opposite signs)
> 
> *Ahem... just because someone may or may not give an esthetic appearance of confidence does not mean they are always confident/secure in every environment. I'm extremely friendly/personable but tend to be guarded and/or bashful for numerous reasons (some obvious, some not-so-much).*
> 
> 
> as far as rebuffing advances, just be direct and mirror the advance. If it was a polite advance (a simple "would you like to go out sometime?") have a polite response ("no thank you, I appreciate your interest but I am only interested in being friends". If it was a rude a forceful come on, have a rude and forceful come back.


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## LaxUF

nice777guy said:


> And don't think I haven't noticed your Avatar - staring at me...


LOL!!!! I'll have a word with my Avatar about flirting with strangers. :rofl:


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## Jellybeans

LaxUF said:


> Perfect! I'm gonna use this response... it shifts the rudeness from you to him in a direct yet mature manner.



We are learning together, Lax. LOL. Did you ever go out with the guy again that you felt no chemistry with (haha--well when we say it that way?)...


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## Trickster

I don’t know if this was flirting but the other day after my work-out, I went to the grocery store. I was all sweaty and definitely stinky. A very sweet looking lady happened to walk by and smiled and said hello. I said hello back…. We bumped into each other again on another isle… “Hello again” Started to pick up some signals… Then I was checking out and there she was again. Then she asked me what I do to get my calves so big. Major signals were going off. At the same time it wasn't too much and was just conversation. If I were single, I would have invited her to go running with me. She was probably 20 years younger than me. I don't know if I would be able to keep up with her. My ego was on fire though.

Was she flirting? Don't know. But she sure got my attention in a very pg kind of way.


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## Stryker

Already Gone said:


> I don’t know if this was flirting but the other day after my work-out, I went to the grocery store. I was all sweaty and definitely stinky. A very sweet looking lady happened to walk by and smiled and said hello. I said hello back…. We bumped into each other again on another isle… “Hello again” Started to pick up some signals… Then I was checking out and there she was again. Then she asked me what I do to get my calves so big. Major signals were going off. At the same time it wasn't too much and was just conversation. If I were single, I would have invited her to go running with me. She was probably 20 years younger than me. I don't know if I would be able to keep up with her. My ego was on fire though.
> 
> Was she flirting? Don't know. But she sure got my attention in a very pg kind of way.


Possibly a Pro ?


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## Halien

Jellybeans said:


> You know what? I've got this. Sometimes I make things a bigger deal than they are.......
> 
> If someone goes overboard I can say:
> 
> "I like you. But you're being inappropriate. Tone it down."
> 
> Bow chicka bow wow.
> 
> I will look on the net, Tall. I do royally suck at flirting so I am sure it could help.


Like I told my 20 year old daughter - Its really simple. Guys don't know how to take a hint, so take a more direct approach: Columbia River makes this boot knife that straps to the ankle .... If he's being inappropriate, impale his hand to the table top until he apologizes. On the way home, he'll give you space. Lots of space. We guys do this stuff to each other all the time when women aren't around.


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## Jellybeans

Already--it sounds like maybe she was flirting. Or genuinely just a fan of your calves. LOL. 



Halien said:


> Like I told my 20 year old daughter - Its really simple. Guys don't know how to take a hint, so take a more direct approach: Columbia River makes this boot knife that straps to the ankle .... If he's being inappropriate, impale his hand to the table top until he apologizes. On the way home, he'll give you space. Lots of space. We guys do this stuff to each other all the time when women aren't around.


:rofl: You sound like my father. After helping me move in at college, he hugged me firmly and told me he had a gift for me. 

It was a can of mase. 



Love my dad.


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## Almostrecovered

LaxUF said:


> Ahem... just because someone may or may not give an esthetic appearance of confidence does not mean they are always confident/secure in every environment. I'm extremely friendly/personable but tend to be guarded and/or bashful for numerous reasons (some obvious, some not-so-much).


then my second reason applies- you are going into "flight" mode

you need to overcome social fear to overcome the body language you emit


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## Halien

Jellybeans said:


> Already--it sounds like maybe she was flirting. Or genuinely just a fan of your calves. LOL.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: You sound like my father. After helping me move in at college, he hugged me firmly and told me he had a gift for me.
> 
> It was a can of mase.
> 
> 
> 
> Love my dad.


You were a late bloomer. My daughter got mace on a keychain at 13. I told her that it was 'instant manners in a can' for 13 year old boys.

Of course I'm just kidding.


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## Trickster

Stryker said:


> Possibly a Pro ?


I think you are right. Thinking about it now...If I was single, I wouldn't of picked up on it. 

As for Jellybeans. Just a little complement to get a conversation going. If they come back too strong, play along. Tell him that you are a professional kick boxer and the last boy friend ended up in the emergency room from comments like that!


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## tacoma

> Ok, this is exactly what I meant in my post. Perfect example: say someone is flirting with you and they take it farther than you'd like and go sexual with a comment. But you want to flirt with them (no, Stryker, I don't mean you, just in general) -- how do you let them know that is going too far w/o coming across like a meanie and/or how do you respond to that?


Give a negative answer to their too sexual flirtation while keeping a positive demeanor.
Smile, bat your lashes and tell them they might not be lucky enough to find out "when and where"
Makes it a challenge, keeps it flirty, and let's them know you aren't going there yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity

I'm the same as Jelly, flirting is an alien concept to me.


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## nice777guy

Jellybeans said:


> And what if you like a guy but he's being aggressive and too forward but you want to still flirting but don't really know how to respond to what he's saying:
> 
> Example:
> *You (me): I like eggs. *
> Him: I'd love to make you eggs
> You: Ok well next time I see you I'll buy you a drink in exchange for the eggs
> Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning?
> You: "How bout just a friendly drinks and chat"
> Him: "Yeah...with some friendly flirting/grab ass."
> 
> ?
> 
> Help.


I'm also thinking you may need to work on your intro / pickup lines...


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## Stryker

Jelly Beans : ......Hit me...


The Stranger : Alright, Sure thing...time and place.?.


--For a Case Study...


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## Jellybeans

tacoma said:


> Give a negative answer to their too sexual flirtation while keeping a positive demeanor.
> Smile, bat your lashes and tell them they might not be lucky enough to find out "when and where"
> Makes it a challenge, keeps it flirty, and let's them know you aren't going there yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good advice. 



Complexity said:


> I'm the same as Jelly, flirting is an alien concept to me.


Apparently there are several of us who don't have a clue how to do this. Ha.



nice777guy said:


> I'm also thinking you may need to work on your intro / pickup lines...


That was a bad example but somewhere along the lines of how awful I am at flirtting. LOL.


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## Complexity

Jellybeans said:


> Apparently there are several of us who don't have a clue how to do this. Ha.


To be honest with you, I think it's mainly up to the man to know how to flirt and all the woman has to do is decide whether she wants to reciprocate his advances or not. It's much better for us if you're blunt about your acceptance/rejection as worst thing about courtship is all the bullsh!t mind games you have to get over. 

Goodluck anyway.


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## LaxUF

Jellybeans said:


> We are learning together, Lax. LOL. Did you ever go out with the guy again that you felt no chemistry with (haha--well when we say it that way?)...


Nope... dodged him this week & good fortune shined on the weekend; he will be miles away at his lake house...

I'm still torn about giving it a shot (or even one more date).... leaning toward not wanting to put forth the time & effort for "wasteful makeupping"... But I'm not 100% against it just yet. eeehhh... poster child for fence sitting on this one.


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## Mistys dad

The most important part of flirting with a stranger is speed.

Your rational brain will kick in within a few seconds and bring with it embarassment, self consiousness, fear, and all those negative feelings.

Say something instantly. Anything will do. Whatever pops into your mind. Just get it in before your brain thinks too much.

It won't matter if it sounds goofy, goofy is funny, funny is sexy. 

If you get shot down, so what. It will make you and your target both happy all day.


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## LaxUF

Mistys dad said:


> The most important part of flirting with a stranger is speed.
> 
> *Your rational brain will kick in within a few seconds and bring with it embarassment, self consiousness, fear, and all those negative feelings.*
> 
> Say something instantly. Anything will do. Whatever pops into your mind. Just get it in before your brain thinks too much.
> 
> It won't matter if it sounds goofy, goofy is funny, funny is sexy.
> 
> If you get shot down, so what. It will make you and your target both happy all day.


Now that nails it for me... I have a very analytical mind & think WAY too much... that wall I've built throws up the force field & my face/expressions probably emit the sirens... warranted or not... I gotta work on that. Thanks for what should have been obvious insight to me.


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## that_girl

Gotta go hang out with women and watch them.

LOL they'll look stupid, no doubt. But...I think the biggest thing is a smile. But not a 'insane' smile. Don't be creepy.

lol. I don't even know what I'm talking about.


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## that_girl

*Dean* said:


> Smiling and saying Hello is all a woman needs to do. Most men will take it from there.


Not my husband. He was a shy turd. lol He did ask "What are you doing tonight?" And I came back with, "Hanging out with you  " LOL That was our first date....after he got off work (met him at the dealership fixin my car  )

I was a horrible flirter though.


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## that_girl

I do love his penis  Rawr.


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## Halien

*Dean* said:


> Smiling and saying Hello is all a woman needs to do. Most men will take it from there.



I admit that I was a sucker for someone who was confident enough to flirt. And it doesn't have to be testy, either. My older brother got the really embarrasing nickname of 'sweetie' from a southern waitress who was hilarious in how she kept asking all the guys at the table if they wanted sweet tea. You could never tell if she was calling you sweetie, or asking if you wanted sweet tea, and she was doing it deliberately. So, when she called him sweetie, he thought she was asking if he wanted a refill, so he said "yes". She pinched his cheeks and told him what time she got off of work.

Now that I'm an old fart, I don't recognize flirting at all. My coworkers ribbed me for weeks that the young waitress was flirting with me at the sports bar we go to once a week for lunch, but I missed it completely week after week. One day, I looked at the receipt before trashing it and noticed that she had put her phone number on it. It's not me she was interested in - in my part of town, a certain colored security badge we carry is pretty universally known indicator of who you work for and the income range.


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## tacoma

> Originally Posted by *Dean* View Post
> Smiling and saying Hello is all a woman needs to do. Most men will take it from there.


That may be true but the more confident woman will always hold an edge with me.

A woman who isn`t afraid to let it be known what she wants is hot....always.


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## Almostrecovered

the only women who flirt with me anymore are waitresses and I have a feeling they want a good tip









(no not _that_ tip!!)


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## Jellybeans

Haha, AR.


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## DvlsAdvc8

LaxUF said:


> Don't want to jack the thread but I would like to ask two follow up questions...
> 
> I have always been told that I look unapproachable... which unfortunately also comes with a very bad side-effect of attracting the wrong men.
> 
> Truthfully... If I'm not smiling I can look like I'm a b*tch or that I'm kinda pizzed off. It's not purposeful; it's mostly the result of my eyes & eyebrows. My face & expressions are easily misread; eyes squinted slightly, eyebrows up if I'm listening or thinking.
> 
> Any tips or advice for reminding myself to smile more or send out a friendly approachable vibe?
> 
> Also... what signals or statements can you make to get the message across *politely* when advances are unwelcome? *(whoops... see what JB asked above too)*


The only women I find unapproachable are those with other guys around (even if its obvious they're not together), and those that have nothing about them to play off of.

I've started many a conversation with women who look pissed off. Anything exaggerated about you is easy to play off of. I hit on one girl walking along the side walk by me because she was grumpy looking and staring down while she walked. "Its a beautiful sidewalk isn't it?" And she gave me the expected perplexed look and a "huh??" -"Well you've been staring at it all this time, you must really like it"... she gave a self-conscious smile and an "Oh... yeah... welll... this and that" and we started talking and she said she had some things on her mind and I said something like "I figured you were just admiring the random pattern of cracks, gum and cigarrette butts" and mentioned that she was going to walk into something if she wasn't careful. She gave me a smile/half-laugh and wasn't brushing me off or ignoring me so I told her to keep her head up and smile, its a beautiful day. She said "thanks" and I said "... but if you're really into sidewalks there's some really nice brick ones in [] if you want to walk with me again sometime." She asked if I was hitting on her, and I asked if it was working. She laughed and said 'maybe' so I introduced myself and got her name and number. She laughed again when I said I needed to walk back the way we came because I only came this way to talk to the pretty girl. She left with her head up.

If you're doing the squinty eye thing I might start with "figure it out yet?" -What? ... "...whatever it is you're thinking so hard about." Guys just need some reason to start a conversation... I find it pretty easy after that. It pays to be observant.

The hard pickups are the women who don't have anything distinct to pick up on, or the circumstances make things seem awkward.

Of course, I'm fairly flirty so I might be the "wrong guy" anyway. The "right guys" are probably the quiet ones... and you'll probably have to give them something pretty overt or even make the pickup yourself. I think I was hit on at a bar one time by a girl who just kept dropping her purse. Its obviously awkward to back up a high bar stool to reach down and pick it up, so I picked it up for her. The third time she dropped it I said I was starting to think she wanted my company and she said "then why do you keep leaving?" That made introductions pretty easy.

Give the guys an easy avenue to start talking to you.

I don't know if its true for everyone, but most of the pickup attempts I've made in my life don't work if I didn't get the impression that she noticed me already. A blind pickup... hitting on a girl out of the blue generally doesn't get anywhere. So a smile and repeated glances go a long way.

The best way to get rid of a guy that's hitting on you is a) leave lol... or b) talk to another guy and pay the other no attention. Now that I think about it, you could use it to your advantage by picking out a guy you like and ask him to pretend he's with you whenever the guy you want to get rid of isn't paying attention.

There's really no good way to say "hey, not interested".


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## AFEH

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, this is exactly what I meant in my post. Perfect example: say someone is flirting with you and they take it farther than you'd like and go sexual with a comment. But you want to flirt with them (no, Stryker, I don't mean you, just in general) -- how do you let them know that is going too far w/o coming across like a meanie and/or how do you respond to that?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. I almost feel too prude for that. *I am the kind of person who if I see someone I find attractive I may smile and then I feel stupid and look the other way.
> *
> 
> 
> I will keep this in mind.


That right there is absolutely classic “flirting”. It’s kind of involuntary flirting body language.


But I wonder how many men know that? In fact it would seem that she’s showing no interest because she’s looked away. And yet again the opposite is true, in that if a woman “stares” at a man she is being quite aggressive in demonstrating that she seriously isn’t interested.


Communication problems between male and female start right from the flirting “I fancy you” stage and I don’t think they ever get truly resolved no matter how long the couple have known each other. If a man’s out and about hunting he’d better understand how a woman signals that she wants to be caught.


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## AFEH

LaxUF said:


> Don't want to jack the thread but I would like to ask two follow up questions...
> 
> I have always been told that I look unapproachable... which unfortunately also comes with a very bad side-effect of attracting the wrong men.
> 
> Truthfully... If I'm not smiling I can look like I'm a b*tch or that I'm kinda pizzed off. It's not purposeful; it's mostly the result of my eyes & eyebrows. My face & expressions are easily misread; eyes squinted slightly, eyebrows up if I'm listening or thinking.
> 
> *Any tips or advice for reminding myself to smile more or send out a friendly approachable vibe?*
> 
> Also... what signals or statements can you make to get the message across *politely* when advances are unwelcome? *(whoops... see what JB asked above too)*


Read Awareness by Anthony de Mello. It’s about keeping yourself “in the minute” or “in the present” when out and about or in company. Rather than being locked in your own thoughts about the past, future or problems. Another book “The Power of Now” is on similar lines.

Most people don’t live more than an inch or so outside their own minds. Anthony de Mello helps stretch the mind to enable more to be taken in and understood from our surroundings. But first we have to train ourselves to be aware of them.


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## AFEH

Flirting body language is the unspoken form of communication. Body language has both words, sentences and paragraphs without a sound ever being uttered.

Women are the absolute experts in this unspoken communication. They are born as though they are Professors of the subject, so much so that I actually think many are not consciously aware of the natural gift they have.

Men on the other hand are mostly blind (deaf) to the language of body language. If we want to understand it then we need to read books and take courses but even then we’ll never reach the proficiency of women.


Jellybeans is a case in point. She’s feels embarrassed when she sees a guy she likes the look of, so she turns away. That’s really normal flirting behaviour. Most especially if her head goes down and she blushes. It’s that the emotions she’s feeling have taken over the movement of her body.

But I think many people although natural flirters haven’t a clue what’s actually going on when they see someone they fancy. In these cases I highly recommend Awareness (Anthony de Mello) and body language books by Alan and Barbara Pease Pease International - Body Language | Relationship Advice.


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## Runs like Dog

Skin to skin touching is another. A woman touches the back of your hand can be electric. But it's meaningless.


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## RandomDude

It just comes naturally to me, can be verbal or physical but most of the time it's both. Verbal flirts can be as simple as compliments, it's never what you say it's how you say it, for example, when I tell a friend she smells good or looks nice it's different to how I tell my wife and/or random fun-flirts, or can always be a bit more romantic and compliment her smile, look on her face (or tease it), while snuffling/play with her hair. 

Suggestions as well, for example I "suggest" we do something or go somewhere together, not so romantic however. Dirty jokes too, even cracking a joke about being caught while feeling wifey up in public gets her to loosen up heh, but some jokes are good too to release tension, especially after a fight and pre-makeup-sex flirting. 

Assumptions too, that's where empathy comes in, I try to gauge her level of arousal/mood and encourage a more romantic or erotic mentality and challenge anything that interrupts it in her thought processes - best romance is when she feels it's just you and her. Playful lines too, they come and go, I mostly just pull them out of my ass, like stealing her phone and blackmailing her to do what I want before I give it back unless she wants to wrestle me hehe.

But that's just basics, sometimes out of the blue I just make up some BS about shoulder pain just to get the missus to give me a massage and then I give her one back because I feel obligated and then we get carried away once my hands can do its work on her... Physical ones can be light kissing, a peck on the cheek, or the neck, collar bone, etc... or teases, or touching, or tickling, or corny "casanova" moves or with the missus even... Not going to get into details with the physical flirts here. It's mostly just showing off some attitude/teasing/suggesting really, in other words being playful and fun.

It's pretty much just getting a woman to get close to you without her noticing that she's getting close. 

As for your question JB in regards to what to do when a guy is flirting, just stop flirting if he's coming on strong because if you keep flirting than it's just a signal to continue (well, for me anyways)...

Flirting for a woman is similar but more suggestive via body language and must have a different attitude. For men, one just has to be decisive, take the initiative and the lead, and confident. For women, it's different, you have to show a sense of barrier, yet an opening; for example, showing that you're not all that interested yet smiling seductively. Women have to tease a lot more then men.


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## star2916

I think "flirting" comes naturally when you meet that particular person that makes you feel like a Woman. And it is usually mutual, meaning, there are going to be some "butterflies" going on in the proximity of that particular man and woman.
Other than that, I have never had the need to flirt as a sport .


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## star2916

I am not sure if I have answer your question, " how do I flirt" ?

I will say, it depends what your intentions are, but regardless, femininity , subtle, etc is the best way, and yes, smiling and soft spoken, always works


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## DvlsAdvc8

star2916 said:


> I think "flirting" comes naturally when you meet that particular person that makes you feel like a Woman. And it is usually mutual, meaning, there are going to be some "butterflies" going on in the proximity of that particular man and woman.
> Other than that, I have never had the need to flirt as a sport .


ha, I'm in trouble if the best flirting is whatever comes naturally. Naturally, if I was really into someone, I used to seize up and avoid doing anything to embarrass myself or draw unfavorable attention or exposure - avoiding controversial subjects, being overly nice, weak opinions, and avoiding anything that would make me weird or peculiar. I used to marvel at the guys who always seemed to have something to say... or know what to say. I'd just lock up and be nervous to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. To use a football analogy, I was playing not to lose (which, as it turns out, usually means losing). lol 

It took me a long time to get over this natural tendency. Counter-intuitive maybe, but I did so by making myself not care and making myself more social. Instead of hoping for acceptance and just trying not to screw it up, I put conscious effort into not caring what anyone thought of me and being intentionally distinctive. Subsequently, I'm a big flirt and a lot more effective.

Often I still think the whole game is absurd. The same woman who would reject me when I say "Hey, I think you're cute. Wanna go out?", will probably say yes if I first engage her in conversation totally unrelated to my romantic pursuit. Its as if women say "hey, don't be so obvious about it." lol smh


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## Suspecting

Whatever you do, do not wink it's the most embarrassing thing ever.


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## lawnmonkey

i had lol have the same problem , see alot of good ideas here , but the old stand by from elementary school still works . just be a lil mean to them in a fun way . like you did in school


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## John Lee

nice777guy said:


> In this day and age blowing off a guy is fairly easy. Do you have a smart phone? Show more interest in your phone than the guy.
> 
> Also works with a dumb phone...or a salt shaker...or almost any inanimate object. But then you're kind of being mean...


What exactly are you suggesting she do with the salt shaker?


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## ne9907

haha
I hadn't realized this thread was started last year!!!
Absolutely priceless, made me laugh out loud!!! I love it!

Yes, I am awful at flirting so I don't do it! If (and when I am ready) I will not flirt. 
I will be like "Yo! I like your face!

haha, thanks for the laughs~~


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## Deejo

The OP is still here. And to quote her from one of her recent posts; "I really need to get laid."

So I don't know how the flirting thing is going for her, but she's funny. 

Flirting is like a tennis match. Sometimes you lob it over the net and see if your partner sends it back, and sometimes you send a shot at their head.

The point of playing tennis, just like flirting is to participate in and enjoy the activity regardless of whether or not you are any good at it. And the way to get good at it, is to keep playing.


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## heartsbeating

Entropy3000 said:


> Use your eyes. Even from across the room they will be a laser.


for Jelly


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## perfectstranger

Actually, put into practice, I think a lot of the techniques suggested here are a little like girl PUA when you try to run them live! Great when there are low lights and a crowd, maybe some drinks, but a bit strong for a casual setting.
FWIW, I have found that active listening and being pleasant are freakishly attractive to the average man in the harsh light of day. Unfortunately, in my case, it was part of my job to listen attentively and ask questions without volunteering personal information. If you also practice reasonably good grooming... 
Well, by the time you actually *do *like one of them back, that subtle touch on the forearm is like flashing lights down the runway.
YMMV.


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## COguy

Jelly just let me know if you need a wingman, I have amazing wingman abilities for the ladies.


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## I Notice The Details

Eye contact and smiling convey so much in flirting. If you notice someone noticing you, smile, and then give them a second look. Your eye contact and facial expressions tell the other person if you are open and approachable or not.


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## Rowan

I have recently discovered, to my rather profound embarrassment, that being able to speak confidently and knowledgeably about hunting seems to do it for many of the guys in my area. No need to really flirt, just the mention of owning a Berretta over-under and liking to quail hunt was plenty. 

I so very desperately need to find a different class of men to meet.....


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## COguy

Rowan said:


> No need to really flirt, just the mention of owning a Berretta over-under and liking to quail hunt was plenty.


Oh yeah baby!!


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## stormydays

LaxUF said:


> Don't want to jack the thread but I would like to ask two follow up questions...
> 
> I have always been told that I look unapproachable... which unfortunately also comes with a very bad side-effect of attracting the wrong men.
> 
> Truthfully... If I'm not smiling I can look like I'm a b*tch or that I'm kinda pizzed off. It's not purposeful; it's mostly the result of my eyes & eyebrows. My face & expressions are easily misread; eyes squinted slightly, eyebrows up if I'm listening or thinking.
> 
> Any tips or advice for reminding myself to smile more or send out a friendly approachable vibe?
> 
> Also... what signals or statements can you make to get the message across *politely* when advances are unwelcome? *(whoops... see what JB asked above too)*


Sounds like a case of Resting B*tch Face!  

The Cure For Your B*tch Face - YouTube


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## Jellybeans

COguy said:


> Jelly just let me know if you need a wingman, I have amazing wingman abilities for the ladies.


I might. Cause listen to what I stupidly did tonight. I stopped by my grocery story on my way home. There is a hot guy who works there and is always smiling and talking to me. I think he likes me. Always suggests wines to me. 

So anyway, tonight I see him in an aisle explaining something to these older ladies and I go in his aisle and grab something I needed and I couldn't even look at him. At all. After everytime I go in there and he approaches me and is so smiley/flirty.

I feel stupid, guys. WTF is my problem? I usually have no issue saying hi to this guy and dishing his flirts/smiles back but today I feel like a big dummy. It's like I got nervous or something.

I really need to work on learning how to flirt.


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## Jellybeans

heartsbeating said:


> for Jelly


Haha. He's the BEST!!!!


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## Trickster

Hey JB....

Being that I am/married, this really doesnt count...

I was in elavator at getting out of work and a lady stepped in there on the next floor down. I seen her several times before. She told me I had an adorable smile.....It melted my heart right there.... 

Try something simple like that with the guy from the store.


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## I Notice The Details

Jellybeans said:


> I might. Cause listen to what I stupidly did tonight. I stopped by my grocery story on my way home. There is a hot guy who works there and is always smiling and talking to me. I think he likes me. Always suggests wines to me.
> 
> So anyway, tonight I see him in an aisle explaining something to these older ladies and I go in his aisle and grab something I needed and I couldn't even look at him. At all. After everytime I go in there and he approaches me and is so smiley/flirty.
> 
> I feel stupid, guys. WTF is my problem? I usually have no issue saying hi to this guy and dishing his flirts/smiles back but today I feel like a big dummy. It's like I got nervous or something.
> 
> I really need to work on learning how to flirt.


Smile at him, and ask him a question about some subject he is bound to know about. Men like to help out a smiling lady, and we like to solve problems. That's how our brains are wired.


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## Jellybeans

Trickster said:


> Hey JB....
> 
> Being that I am/married, this really doesnt count...
> 
> I was in elavator at getting out of work and a lady stepped in there on the next floor down. I seen her several times before. She told me I had an adorable smile.....It melted my heart right there....
> 
> Try something simple like that with the guy from the store.


I have a huge smile. It does work. You know, when I am not acting like an idiot. 



I Notice The Details said:


> Smile at him, and ask him a question about some subject he is bound to know about. Men like to help out a smiling lady, and we like to solve problems. That's how our brains are wired.


Noted. I have no idea why I choked. I just got all ... nervous. Stupid nerves.

He usually helps me out when I am in there so he prob thinks I'm a dumb-dumb now.


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## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> The OP is still here. And to quote her from one of her recent posts; "I really need to get laid."
> 
> So I don't know how the flirting thing is going for her, but she's funny.


Glad I could humor you!

And nope, still haven't gotten laid yet!

Sadly, I am not one for casual things. It would be much better if I was. My friend told me, "Just do it." Well I can't just do it. I like to know a man and have an idea bout him/us/what we are doing before I can jump his bones/boxers, etc.

Maybe I just need a lover. Sigh.


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## heartsbeating

Jellybeans said:


> So anyway, tonight I see him in an aisle explaining something to these older ladies and I go in his aisle and grab something I needed and I couldn't even look at him.


I'm no expert but that might be a bit forward. 


He was talking to other customers. No biggie. At other times have you reported back to him with your thoughts (and maybe thanked him) on any of the wines he'd suggested? If you cook, have you asked him to suggest matching a wine with a certain meal you'd be making? This is normal customer dialogue in it's own right. Just the same as respecting his being with other customers and you just getting on with your own thing. As you enjoy the interaction with this gentleman, the flirtation will be in your smile and eyes.


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## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> Do you think you froze because you saw him doing what he does with you, chat about wine, with two other older women and a defensive mechanism went off?
> 
> Do not run out and jump anyone's bones.


No it has nothing to do with a defensive mechanism. I just choked. Bwahahaha. 

I am going to smile big the next time I see him.

I'm so silly!


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## Deejo

*Re: Re: Flirting*



Jellybeans said:


> No it has nothing to do with a defensive mechanism. I just choked. Bwahahaha.
> 
> I am going to smile big the next time I see him.
> 
> I'm so silly!


Slowly lick your lips and wink too. You know ... subtle hints of interest.


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## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> Slowly lick your lips and wink too. You know ... subtle hints of interest.


Sorry, couldn't resist!











That's not so sexy when he does it!


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## CaptainLOTO

Jellybean, you have a great sense of humor and you're very bright. You should be confident.

It's interesting to hear a woman with an experience like you had in the grocery store. Basically, you got "flooded". This happens to me - when I'm approaching someone new or a conversation becomes overwhelming.

In the case of you being unable to act "normal" with your grocery/sommelier it appears you've out a little too much importance on the idea of him. For men, there is a concept that is taught of "Outcome Independence" which might help you. The idea is that you need to plan to go to the grocery store and say hello to him with NO expectation that there will be ANY specific outcome. Just enjoy seeing him, saying hello and conversing. If you "hope" for something more, you'll get all nervous and act like a teenager at your first dance.

Have fun just being with him in that moment. Have a little bit of a plan, like ask him for a wine recommendation to go with some meal you're cooking and make plans to see if he likes the same food. Tell him it's your first time cooking XXX and see if he'd be your guinea pig. But if the conversation doesn't go down the path, just relax and go home with a good bottle of wine. You'll see him again...


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## Deejo

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry, couldn't resist!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That's not so sexy when he does it!


Oh yeah ... that's the move. You should totally do it.


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## Jellybeans

CaptainLOTO said:


> Jellybean, you have a great sense of humor and you're very bright. You should be confident.
> 
> It's interesting to hear a woman with an experience like you had in the grocery store. Basically, you got "flooded". This happens to me - when I'm approaching someone new or a conversation becomes overwhelming.


He is my guinea pig on helping me to practice flirting (but he doesn't know it). Muahahaha.



Deejo said:


> Oh yeah ... that's the move. You should totally do it.


Haha!


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## Jung_admirer

Jellybeans said:


> And what if you like a guy but he's being aggressive and too forward but you want to still flirting but don't really know how to respond to what he's saying:
> 
> Example:
> You (me): I like eggs.
> Him: I'd love to make you eggs
> You: Ok well next time I see you I'll buy you a drink in exchange for the eggs
> Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning?
> You: "How bout just a friendly drinks and chat"
> Him: "Yeah...with some friendly flirting/grab ass."
> ? Help.


<I like writing scripted stuff>

You (me): I like eggs. 
Him: I'd love to make you eggs
You: So what's your secret to making eggs?
Him: Oh so does this mean I'll be staying over & making them in the morning? 
You: What's your name? Where did (Him) go? ... You know, the confident, gentle guy l was starting to like.
Him: He's right in front of you.
You: Oh good, cause the other guy's full court press wasn't playing well. Now, about the eggs?

Edit: sorry, the quoted post was almost two years old ... Have fun anyway!


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