# Your thoughts on 'duty/chore' BJ's, HJ's, etc.



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

It seems the general concensus in the TAM community is that duty/chore sex isn't welcomed by many and some (such as myself) typically refuse it if it's offered.

I'm wondering if people feel the same way about BJ's/HJ's/different positions/etc. that are also essentially done out of 'duty', meaning they are done for the benefit of one spouse with no desire from the 'giving' spouse.

If you know your partner really isn't a big fan of giving you a BJ for example, but offers to give you one (without asking for anything in return), do you treat it the same way you would with duty sex and decline it, or do you treat this offer differently considering they are different sexual acts and a BJ is a one sided act (meaning in this example only the receiving person is getting anything out of it)?

For me personally, my fiancee has started to real amp up the frequency of BJ's (I've had more in the past 2 months than I've had in the past two years) but she has admitted some of those times it's been solely for me after the fact, and she didn't get anything out of it, nor went into it expecting to get anything out of it. On one hand, I'm happy, as upping the oral sex frequency was a big issue for me for a while. On the flip side though, I'm confused on how I feel about it, as it does feel sometimes (not all, about half of the time I guess) like a 'duty sex' thing from her.

No, I haven't asked her if that's how she feels yet. I likely will soon enough, this is just a question that's popped into my head, so I figured I'd look into what the TAM community feels on the subject.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Since BJ's/HJ's were removed off of the menu shortly after marriage, I am all too happy to receive them again, even if they are looked at as a chore by either one of us. It is different with intercourse, not sure why, it just is. I think it is because with intercourse, she is also receiving pleasure from it. I think my wife is on the same page with me on this.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

I had a similar discussion with my wife last night. Part of being married to me is doing things for your spouse that should be part of a marriage. Sex should be very high on the marriage priority list. I would take duty sex over having no sex. Thankfully both of us do get into it during the action, so having duty sex does typically end up an enjoyable experience.

My wife is LD. I compare it to a situation where you have a homebody that doesn't feel like going out with friends on a Friday night. They go out with the group because their spouse wants to and end up having a nice time.

If I felt like I was constantly humping a dead fish I might feel differently. Sometimes requesting your spouse to take part in this "duty" will still often be enjoyable.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Think it would bother me too after a while if I sensed she wasn't really into it.

Do you ever reciprocate, giving her oral without expecting the same in return?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I think a lot of it for me depends on the "attitude". If it is obvious/apparent that it is out of duty, then I will typically try to refuse. If she is doing it because she knows I am pent up and need a release and she wants to help with that, then I am fine with it.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

ARF said:


> I had a similar discussion with my wife last night. Part of being married to me is doing things for your spouse that should be part of a marriage. Sex should be very high on the marriage priority list. I would take duty sex over having no sex. Thankfully both of us do get into it during the action, so having duty sex does typically end up an enjoyable experience.
> 
> My wife is LD. I compare it to a situation where you have a homebody that doesn't feel like going out with friends on a Friday night. They go out with the group because their spouse wants to and end up having a nice time.
> 
> If I felt like I was constantly humping a dead fish I might feel differently. Sometimes requesting your spouse to take part in this "duty" will still often be enjoyable.


Good points. The past couple of weeks, my wife has admitted to having sex with me when not all that interested, only to find that once initiated, she enjoys the experience of climax and wonders how many other times she has missed out.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Think it would bother me too after a while if I sensed she wasn't really into it.
> 
> Do you ever reciprocate, giving her oral without expecting the same in return?


She doesn't like oral at all. Stems from a childhood rape incident.

If she did like oral, I'd be down there eating like a hungry fat kid at a pie eating contest and asking for seconds...and thirds..and eighths...


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

IndyTM said:


> Good points. The past couple of weeks, my wife has admitted to having sex with me when not all that interested, only to find that once initiated, she enjoys the experience of climax and wonders how many other times she has missed out.


Sounds very similar to my wife. I have spent so much time trying to figure out how I can make sex a more enjoyable experience for my wife. Thinking that regular orgasms as a result of our intamacy would increase her libido. It hasn't been quite as dramatic of an increase as I would have liked it to be in regards to her initiating sex much more considering she has had more orgasms the last 4 months or so than she has had in our prior 8 years or so together.

We schedule sex for various reasons. It could make it seem like "duty" sex and for all intensive purposes it likely is, but it seems to be working for us.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> For me personally, my fiancee has started to real amp up the frequency of BJ's (I've had more in the past 2 months than I've had in the past two years) .. it does feel sometimes (not all, about half of the time I guess) like a 'duty sex' thing from her.


Main points

-She thinks of it as a chore

-She's not into it and half the time she does it, it's OBVIOUS she's not into it. I picture her jacking you off with one hand and reading a magazine with the other, occasionally glancing over to see if you're almost done.

-You're not even married yet!

Expect it all to end once you exchange rings.

Do NOT marry this woman.

You'll be in a sexless marriage, mark my words.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Main points
> 
> -She thinks of it as a chore
> 
> ...


Really kingsfan. I'm really worried about what will happen when you marry her.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Zig said:


> Really kingsfan. I'm really worried about what will happen when you marry her.


I'm not. I can not think of any aspect of our sex life that hasn't improved over the past three years, not to mention all the other facets of our ife together.

I didn't start the thread though to debate my future marital situation however, so I'd appreciate a focus more on the discussion at hand.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

My wife says that giving me pleasure is what gets her off. Maybe this is what works for her.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I didn't start the thread though to debate my future marital situation however, so I'd appreciate a focus more on the discussion at hand.


You asked for thoughts about "duty/chore" Bjs, Hjs, etc.

Look right here, it's your very own quote:



kingsfan said:


> On one hand, I'm happy, as upping the oral sex frequency was a big issue for me for a while. On the flip side though, I'm confused on how I feel about it, as it does feel sometimes (not all, about half of the time I guess) like a 'duty sex' thing from her.





kingsfan said:


> I figured I'd look into what the TAM community feels on the subject.


More than one poster suggested that there are problems here that need to be addressed before you..um.. how can I say this without offending you further.. make major life decisions because there are some serious red flags here, which seems to be what you're asking.

I'll stay right on topic so as to not muddy the waters.

If a woman had the attitude that pleasuring me was a chore and it was obvious half the time she did it to me, then my thought is that I would not be with that woman anymore. Even if "all aspects of our sex life had recently improved" or however you put it.

I'd also be wondering why she suddenly amped up the frequency of the "chores". Are we going shopping for wedding rings anytime soon perhaps?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> You asked for thoughts about "duty/chore" Bjs, Hjs, etc.
> 
> Look right here, it's your very own quote:
> 
> ...


I know what I said. I did so to give an example of what I'm discussing, nothing further.

What I am discussing is how people, in general view 'duty' BJ's, etc. in comparision with their views on 'duty' sex. Nothing more. Outside of the example given, my thread was started in purely a discussion manner, not seeking to become clear on the intricacies of my future marriage. 

As for why she amped it up, it stems from a discussion we had on the issue and my stating that we were getting into a rut sexually, to which she asked what it was that I was wanting to try/get more of. One of my suggestions was BJ's more frequently. 

Essentially, she's fine with giving me them, just I want them more than she's in the mood for them, hence where the 'duty' BJ comes in. It's not a case of she hates them, or being guilted into them, rather she's not in the mood to give them as often as I'm in the mood to receive, similar to a HD/LD sexual relationship. Nothing more. It's not like every second Friday is a scheduled BJ and she sighs and trudges down to the bedroom to give me my due.

Now, let's get back to the focus of the thread.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

King,

I must apologize in advance but I remember your other threads (I think) and I know you've had your doubts about keeping this engament active and all I'll say is please be sure to invest the proper time in this to be sure all is right.

Nuff said!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Toffer said:


> King,
> 
> I must apologize in advance but I remember your other threads (I think) and I know you've had your doubts about keeping this engament active and all I'll say is please be sure to invest the proper time in this to be sure all is right.
> 
> Nuff said!


I have had doubts before, certainly Toffer. Remember, as you put it, I was you many years ago!

Part of what brought me here was issues I had questions about after we had got engaged. However, I have applied a lot of what I have learned at TAM and it has resulted in a great deal of improvement. I am still monitoring things of course, but the lines of dialogue between me and my fiancee are 10x what they were seven months ago when I joined here, and all of my concerns sexually have been erradicated, not to mention some nice bonuses have been tossed my way.

As I said, I am still watching things and keeping my eyes open and I refuse to just go blindly through life with her, but thus far things have been for the most part wonderful. I feel my change in approach has allowed her to understand better where I was coming from.

In hindsight, I think I was guilty of to many covert contracts. Now, I'm more open about what I want, how often, etc. Yes, I still get turned down at times, but the frequency is gradually reducing I find, and the variety of sexual options on the menu is growing weekly. 

For the record, I never once threatened to cancel the engagement, so she didn't change out of fear of losing the marriage, and as such I'm not worried about her change being only temporary in an effort to get married. It may prove to be a temporary change, only time can show that, but it's not due to an effort to keep the marriage as an option.

I think part of it boils down to MAPing, sort of. While I haven't read Athol Kay's work, the general jist I get of it from these boards is to man up, ask for what you want, and don't just be a nice guy. Be respectful and supportive, but don't be a doormat. Maybe I was unconciously being a doormat before. Eitehr way, I have been more assertive in my life and as a result, things have improved.

Of note, having a respectful partner who genuinely cares about what you want and how you feel does greatly aid the process.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

My girlfriend gets more into giving BJs than I do getting them, and she's amazing. She plays with herself while she blows me and we both get off around the same time.

That's about as far away as a chore as you can possibly get.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> My girlfriend gets more into giving BJs than I do getting them, and she's amazing. She plays with herself while she blows me and we both get off around the same time.
> 
> That's about as far away as a chore as you can possibly get.


My wife is often the same way. She feels very empowered when giving head and this excites her very much though I am not able to say she gets more giving them than I receiving them since I really , really enjoy getting a bj ...... from her especially


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Why look at it as a duty or a chore? It's a gift.

I get lots of pleasure from giving in this way to my husband because I love him, I love that he loves it, and I am turned on by his arousal. I don't necessarily have an orgasm, but that can happen during PIV sex too.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

my wife was never a big fan of oral or hand jobs.

but would love all the effort I put into doing them and much more for her.

over the years the resentment (even though I thought I was alright with it) built to the point where I would rather rub one out instesd of having sex with some so inhibited that when giving there lover pleasure it came off as a chore.

YUCK!

bascialy I told her I wanted a divorce if she didn't care to be a good lover. she tried to twist it all around saying things like why is that so important and well then don't do it for me.

I held my ground and said that just ani't a marriage to me and that I rather find someone who loves me and my D*CK .

she been alot better and if she has that chore like attitude I say jokingly its going to take for ever with an attitude like that or never mind.

I know you said you wanted to stay on topic about the question insyead of questioning weather or not you will be happy in this marriage.

my opinion for what its worth is to put your foot down before marriage on any sex issue. or risk being unhappy in that dept for the length of your marriage.

looking back ....wish I would have had this board before I got married 20yrs ago........with that said I still might have been blinded by love and refused to see the forest throught the trees like so many seem to do.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I believe you are thinking too much. Why should a gift be viewed as anything but a gift? 

Some women may stop doing bj or hj because they may misinterpret their partners reaction. Your anxiety may seem like a lack of appreciation of her selflessness. 

Relax and enjoy. That is likely what she wants you to do. Her reward is your appreciation. Dont go overboard but just let her know how happy and satisfied you are by body language, affection and letting her know how good it was. 

Just accept that she is doing something just for you. Hopefully you are doing special things just fit her. Also, don't go to the well too frequently. Be sensitive and smart about the timing. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

To me it's all about the attitude. Sometimes my wife seem to be in good spirits about it thought I don't think she ever enjoys it, but when she looks like she is miserable it makes me feel pathetic.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I believe you are thinking too much. Why should a gift be viewed as anything but a gift?
> 
> Some women may stop doing bj or hj because they may misinterpret their partners reaction. Your anxiety may seem like a lack of appreciation of her selflessness.
> 
> ...


hard to enjoy anythimg thats done begrudgingly!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Catherine is right on. Athol Kay had a blog post titled, "If she offers you a free cookie, take the cookie."

I think most of the aversion to duty sex is focused on women who are passive aggressive about obviously not enjoying the experience. And I agree that that kind of duty sex sucks. Men are also programmed into thinking that we have to make sure she climaxes in order to be a nice guy. And we all know how much sex nice guys tend to have.

But if you're talking about a woman who wants to give you a gift, take it. Otherwise, you're setting up an impossible standard. If you are only willing to climax when your wife also climaxes, then you will miss a good many climaxes. If you only want to initiate when your wife is obviously up for it, then you've sentenced yourself to a frequency driven by the LD partner. And this is even if she were willing to have sex more often.

Take the cookie.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

PHTlump said:


> Catherine is right on. Athol Kay had a blog post titled, "If she offers you a free cookie, take the cookie."
> 
> I think most of the aversion to duty sex is focused on women who are passive aggressive about obviously not enjoying the experience. And I agree that that kind of duty sex sucks. Men are also programmed into thinking that we have to make sure she climaxes in order to be a nice guy. And we all know how much sex nice guys tend to have.
> 
> ...


there are some pearls in this advise.

but if you can't cum because she rolls her eyes while doing it never mind.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

when we were first married I didn't think alot about it but after years and years of be turned down 90% of the time you realize there isn't much sexual about her and you start to notice how miserable she seems. That is hard for me to deal with and remain in the moment.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

The bottom line is I don't understand how you can love someone so much as you claim but you can't derive a little pleasure from their pleasure. I don't care to shop for womens clothes but I go with my wife almost every time and enjoy the time with her no matter what we're doing. I think my wife should be able to pleasure me and have pleasure in doing that. That don't go on around here much


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband is the type that would be terribly hurt, even cringe by anything even hinting at "duty" or chore-like sex /oral / HJ... he wouldn't even be able to hold an erection for that...it would bother him THAT much...he'd put himself down & wait for me to want it before he'd accept that. 

My attitude & enthusiasm are paramount to a man like this, *he IS very sensitive to my desire*. He has even told me he feels "selfish" when I want to just "do him"..I was like "WHAT- you don't want this [email protected]#$". I laughed at him & said ... "Look buddy.... I want to selfishly Suck you...now lay back and feel the pleasure".... 

I so "get him" though, cause I am the same way....it has to at least start out in the emotional ...I *need* this from my husband. 



> *Lyris said*: I get lots of pleasure from giving in this way to my husband because I love him, I love that he loves it, and I am turned on by his arousal.


 This is how I feel & very much so!


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

My wife and I had this very discussion today and I think I clued into why duty sex is...well duty sex, at least for her.

How about once in a while, you get her off without expecting anything in return. Obviously, if we as men would like that consideration, we should be able to give it as well.

My wife basically said that every time we have sex, it's like duty sex because it's all about me getting what I want. That to get back to having mutually fulfilling sex, I need to recognize that she desires and craves sex just like me and be willing to get her off just for her like she would do for me. Be unselfish with the sex and understand that she wants it too.

This was quite the revelation for me.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

michzz said:


> I agree. If it seems like just another chore to check off the wifely to do list it is a huge, huge turnoff--no gift at all.


But he never said her attitude was poor. 

I really enjoy giving my husband a bj. I feel it is something just for him, he can just relax and enjoy. 

I know that he has to control his timing to suit me when we have sex. It is nice to know I can do something that he does not have to think of anything but the pure pleasure of some loving. 

Excuse the detail but I wanted to give you an idea of what is going through my mind. It may be similar to what his fiancé is thinking. 

I don't get any sexual pleasure from giving but I get a sense of satisfaction and affection for my husband. 

That's what I meant by overthinking. Your fiancé probably gets something out of giving, it is not sexual pleasure but that may not be what motivates her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

SA my husband did not at first like me to give him a bj when he did not take care of me first. I had to convience him that I enjoy taking care of him and seeing him relax and enjoy.

I think that may be why the OP is concerned. He may be concerned about her motivation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

well I'd never do duty sex of any kind. Would not want it either.

That said, I've never turned down sex with my husband unless I was very ill.. like with a bad flu. And I initiated about half the time.

the whole concept of duty sex of so out of my experience that I cannot imagine doing it or getting it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> I think that may be why the OP is concerned. He may be concerned about her *motivation*.


Motivation* is* so very important -we would feel the same as women, even more so, I'd say! 

What you said here Catherine....IF every wife at the very least FELT LIKE THIS - "*I don't get any sexual pleasure from giving but I get a sense of satisfaction and affection for my husband*" - it would be very comforting and a feeling of connection would wash over these husbands. But it's just not always the case, most especially if HIS drive is WAY higher and she can not understand, or feel it is necessary that he craves it so much.



> SA my husband did not at first like me to give him a bj when he did not take care of me first. I had to convience him that I enjoy taking care of him and seeing him relax and enjoy.


Yes, this is how my husband feels too, because he is such a Pleaser by nature... not something I would ever complain about by the way. 

I brought this thread up last night, and he said I might have went overboard in my reply, he wouldn't turn it down if I offered (if that was a rare occasion anyway-like in our past).... but IF he felt I was just "doing" to get it over with, something on the "to do list", he said he would NOT be fulfilled by that. I think a man can feel these things. And God forbid if she said something for him to hurry up..... If I EVER did something like that to my husband, it would crush him & I'd have to convince him by fire that I wanted him *with passion* anytime after that. 

Mine has even turned me down on occasion - just so he could wait till the next day... knowing his "lust" would be a little higher -when we go about it "together". He would also prefer, if I am on my monthly & it's light....to have red sex over me just giving him oral... He just thrives & prefers us both getting ours - he's always been this way.

I did wake him up with one this morning...I know I'm out for the count tonight...just wanted to start his day with a bang.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The only time I enjoy "duty" is if we're roleplaying superior officer.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

As I said on another thread, I think "duty" sex has a different defintion for each couple. In my house , it is not considered duty or chore sex to us and most importantly to my H, since his drive is higher than mine at times. It wasn't until I came here that I realized that its considered duty sex to some.

With that being said, even on the occassions that I'm not in the mood at the begining of sex, with a little extra time to warm up, I'm usually there and ready to go. As matternof fact, there have been times when I thanked my H afterwards and he just grins.

So as far as bj the only time I guess I would consider it a duty act is during a certain part of the month when PIV does not happen, but even then I get turned on performing it.

I would never go to my H with an attitude like its a chore to pleasure him, and if he did the same to me, I wouldn't accept it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

ManUp said:


> My wife basically said that every time we have sex, it's like duty sex because it's all about me getting what I want. That to get back to having mutually fulfilling sex, I need to recognize that she desires and craves sex just like me and be willing to get her off just for her like she would do for me. Be unselfish with the sex and understand that she wants it too.
> 
> This was quite the revelation for me.


I think that's just a transactional attitude. The duty sex I'm talking about is a loving gift with nothing expected in return. It's something that women (usually the LD partner) do for men. It's recognizing that sex is different for us.

For a majority of men, if conditions are perfect, we can go from no arousal to climax in five minutes. If conditions are awful, it can take us twenty minutes.

For a majority of women, time to climax can range from fifteen minutes to "no way in hell." If your wife is on the "no way in hell" end of the spectrum today, that shouldn't necessarily mean that sex is out of the question. If she wants you to get off, go ahead.

I agree that sex should be loving and giving. But that shouldn't mean that you're obligated to forego an orgasm that you are perfectly capable of having the time after your wife decides that hers isn't in the cards. That seems like her wanting you to cook her a nice meal, but not make enough for two, so you end up eating cheese and crackers. Yes, that would be selfless. But it would also be punitive and unnecessary.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I believe you are thinking too much. Why should a gift be viewed as anything but a gift?
> 
> Some women may stop doing bj or hj because they may misinterpret their partners reaction. Your anxiety may seem like a lack of appreciation of her selflessness.
> 
> ...


I agree with Catherine here. My wife will give me a HJ or BJ with a sincere and happy willingness to please me. I wouldn't classify it as "duty sex" at all. She also "reads" my stress levels and surprises me with a much needed release on occasion. I cherish these times, and they don't take away from our usual love making in any way. 

On the other hand, there are times when I know she has had a rough day, and I offer her a full body massage. It turns into a wonderful oral sex orgasm for her...and I am happy to give her this. This is not done out of any sense of duty, but out of love and a desire to make her happy. I also surprise her with flowers for the same reason. It is simply a spontaneous gift of love, not an act of duty in our home.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Lyris said:


> Why look at it as a duty or a chore? It's a gift.





Catherine602 said:


> I believe you are thinking too much. Why should a gift be viewed as anything but a gift?


I'm asking for discussion sake. It's not that I don't enjoy these 'gifts' as you put them. Quite to the contrary, I do very much. I mean, it's a BJ.

I'm just extending discussion on what seems to be a common theme on these boards; the topic of 'duty sex'. It seems the general thought process behind 'duty sex' is it's not worth much, and many refuse it altogether. I was just trying to expend upon that to see what people think and feel about duty BJ's, HJ's and other sexual acts and positions beyond regular PiV sex.



MrAvg said:


> I can not really give you much input depending how you define duty. For me a duty is not always a negative.
> Which is how I seem to feel you are framing it.
> 
> This line in quotes struck me.
> ...


Firstly, thank you for seeing my fiancee this way. That is how I feel she feels towards me too. She is an awesome women and we are very close. Sex was the only issue we have really ever had and that issue seems to be closing at a steady pace. 

Secondly, I don't know if I meant duty as a negative per say, just not an overwhleming positive either. Not as a chore, as she doesn't have to do it, but something she feels would be best if she did do it now. Maybe I am overthinking what she offers, maybe they are all just 'gifts'. Either way, I guess I'm really more interested in just what the general thought process is on this issue from the general board, as opposed to just focused on me. 



Catherine602 said:


> SA my husband did not at first like me to give him a bj when he did not take care of me first. I had to convience him that I enjoy taking care of him and seeing him relax and enjoy.
> 
> I think that may be why the OP is concerned. He may be concerned about her motivation.


Basically. I don't want her motivation to ever be because she feels like she has to. I want her to enjoy all aspects of our sex life (even BJ's).



I Notice The Details said:


> I agree with Catherine here. My wife will give me a HJ or BJ with a sincere and happy willingness to please me. I wouldn't classify it as "duty sex" at all.


I don't think anyone would classify that as 'duty sex' and is not at all what I was referring to.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I'd like to separate the words duty and chore.

In my mind it's my duty as a wife to do and be certain things... engaging in a sexual relationship with my H is one of those duties but it's never ever a chore.

There have been many days over the past 25 years when h has come home from work looking exhausted/effed off/stressed... so i've followed him into the shower and given him a soapy HJ or a BJ or sex for no other reason than how good it makes him feel...which in turn makes me feel good. 

Sometimes I wasn't really 'into' it ( heck i'm in the middle of peeling potatoes!!!) BUT i'm really into HIM. I always hope that comes across when were together... my enthusiasm and love/lust for him 

So I agree...just accept it as a gift if and when it happens and remember to return that gift sometimes.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I'm asking for discussion sake.
> 
> I'm just extending discussion on what seems to be a common theme on these boards; the topic of 'duty sex'.


Cmon man, you didn't start a thread about "duty sex" just because it's a common theme on these boards and you just felt like having a discussion for "discussions sake".

It's a chore for your fiancee to give you a BJ or HJ and it's starting to bug you. Yet any time someone posts to you personally and makes suggestions you immediately shut them down by saying "stay on topic!" as if it's not really all about your "rapidly improving issues with sex" as you put it.

The problem isn't going to go away just because you try to ignore it. Odds are once you get married it's going to get a whole lot worse.



kingsfan said:


> Basically. I don't want her motivation to ever be because she feels like she has to. I want her to enjoy all aspects of our sex life (even BJ's).


That's not going to happen.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Cmon man, you didn't start a thread about "duty sex" just because it's a common theme on these boards and you just felt like having a discussion for "discussions sake".


Actually, yes I did. If I wanted to explore my sex life, I would have. I've been a very regular poster here for seven months and have posted about issues in my sex life before in great detail. Why would I hide behind a haze of words this time? The whole reason I came here is to get clarity on my sex life, so if I have an issue that I want clarrity on for myself, I have no bones about posting about it. I honestly don't see why you feel the need to tell me what I really meant but posting my thread when you don't know me at all.



sharkeey said:


> It's a chore for your fiancee to give you a BJ or HJ and it's starting to bug you. Yet any time someone posts to you personally and makes suggestions you immediately shut them down by saying "stay on topic!" as if it's not really all about your "rapidly improving issues with sex" as you put it.


Once again, it is about a topic. This is a forum for discussion isn't it? Not every thread in here is about someone with a sexual drought or who gets blue balls. Sometimes it is about discussion, such as this post. YOU are the one making this thread about me, not me, as I've tried to revert things back to my original desire for discussion several times now. 

The lone reason I posted about my sexual improvement is in response to a few posters questioning if this thread was about me and not the original post. You are the only one still hammering away on this issue. Frankly, I find it exceedingly odd and creepy that you feel the need to force me to discuss a sexual issue in my life that I don't feel is there. If I want help for something, I will surely ask for it, not be badgered by someone.



sharkeey said:


> The problem isn't going to go away just because you try to ignore it. Odds are once you get married it's going to get a whole lot worse.


I find it hilarious you have infurred a problem in my life, simply because I had a question regarding BJ's. While I'm happy for you that your women polishes your knob like a floor buffer, to extrapolate that have a serious enough of an issue to strongly contemplate a seperation from my fiancee whom I have been dating for five years based on what I have posted in this thread is beyond ridiculous. 

End result is this is my life, my thread and my words. if you don't like them, that's fine, no one is asking you too. But no one is asking for your input on my life either, so stick to the topic of the thread, stop infuring what you think I'm secretly meaning or don't bother reading. It's a simple choice.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> While I'm happy for you that your women polishes your knob like a floor buffer...


KingsFan....That is funny!!!!! :rofl:


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