# For ladies w/ no kids who married for the 1st time later in life...



## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

What made you do it? If you had a great career making good money & didn't want kids, what made you willing to give it a shot? What does it add to your life & how do you manage expectations/deal with disillusionment?
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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I got married at 38 because I met someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, that was it, nothing more or less.
Neither of us wants kids & haven't had have any disillusionment because I don't believe in fairytales.
We're all human & no one is perfect, if you think that getting married was somehow going to make your life perfect, then you've already set yourself up for failure.
I like to think of myself as realistic & I don't expect more from people than what I'm willing to give myself.


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## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

I'm not sure if 30 is considered later in life, but we were both well established adults, with jobs, money etc. Never wanted kids. Same as Phenix, I met someone that I wanted to marry. Neither of us were really looking for someone to marry or planned to get married. We were fine being single. 

But when I met my husband, if I had a list of qualities I would want in a man, he met them all, and then some. I knew I wanted to marry him very soon into the relationship. Eventually found out he wanted the same thing, and no red flags every came up so we got married.

As far as expectations we discussed quite a lot prior to getting married/moving in together (done at same time). I can't say there is disillusionment - that sounds so negative. We're both very practical so it wasn't a crazy hollywood romance. I think we had decent expectations and both know that life and each other aren't always going to be perfect.

It sounds though like you're having second thoughts - are you already married or considering getting married? Maybe it's not the right person or expectations are unrealistic.

Our main marriage agreement, as mature adults, is to never tell each other what to do. We both trust that the other will do the right thing when it matters, and at least reasonable things the rest of the time. We just let each other live our lives but it is definitely more enjoyable of a life having a reliable, loving partner.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm kinda debating this in my head, too. I'm 44 and my long term boyfriend and I are 'together'. I'm not sure marriage is 'necessary' but it sometimes seems appealing. We'll see.


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