# Just a 'guy' or emotionally unavailable?



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

It's taken me awhile to realize that maybe this is what I mean when I say my husband doesn't open up as much as I'd like him to. 

While I say these things, I should add a lot of them have improved over out marriage, but it's still not where I would like them to be...

--He is not a great communicator. He'll share his feelings when I ask but otherwise when it comes to feelings he's reserved. 

--We've been together for awhile, close physically, have two kids, he treats me well, a good dad but sometimes I feel like it takes a lot of prodding to get him to open up.

--The biggest reason I think is is because he grew up in an abusive home (his dad) and his family is just not the kind that shares emotions are anything, its more like they're just dry with each other. Not necessarily cold but not warm like a family should be.

How can I tell if he's this or just another typical guy?


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I just wanted to add that I told him about this. He reluctantly agreed to seek counseling together. I told him I feel like I finally have the words to make sense of what I feel is lacking between us. 

He understands and sees my point. I think because its going to take work/effort he's not thrilled BUT he sees it as "he will do whatever it takes to make this better". 


He admits he is closest to me emotionally but probably still has some walls up. Maybe its related to how he was raised. I worry that if we dont work on this he may eventually find someone to be emotionally available for--but he says no--he's just not sure how. Its like he never was, never saw it growing up and its totally new. 

I said I worry that I put effort intothis because I am happy but not happy as I think we could be. He understands and says he will try. He admits he had never put effort into it so far because everything was 'fine' and 'good' so most of the time its been coasting for him. Im not unrealistic and think he's going to completely change but there has to be some considerable changes. 


Also I wouldnt say he's always P/A but sometimes when we talk about our marriage he listens (passive) and says a little and the only time he adds a lot is when he's angry (aggressive). I think I'm describing it correctly. 


ANY advice?? Please and thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

From what you've said, he sounds like a good guy. The fact that he's listening to you and willing to work at improving the marriage is great. I would say be patient and understand how unnatural this is going to be for him. I also thing you have to be realistic. Don't expect him to transform into "your ideal man". Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Hope this isn't too much overload in this post... 

Besides his upbringing...his family not being warm , open & expressive... a part of this can also be his inborn temperament, his being more of a THINKER over a FEELER...being Introverted over Extroverted.... have you & he ever taken any Temperament Tests...... this can be very helpful in gaining understanding of each other & the why's we act and feel the way we do.... what your natural strengths are and also our weaknesses .... like a







coming on....

There are 2 different Types of Tests.........



> * "Sanguine" - "Choleric" - "Melancholy" - "Phlegmatic" Tests *
> 
> Personality Score Sheet  (this one needs printed - a page for the Strength's & a page for the Weaknesses of each -then adding the scoring at the end)
> 
> ...





> And a couple tests here for the *16 Temperment /Personality Types*, getting more specific & deeper into what motivates us , moves us & how we view our world & treat others around us .
> 
> 16 Personality Types Quiz
> 
> ...


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