# Newly pregnant, husband left for OW a week ago...



## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

I have been a homemaker for the last five years with my husband as the sole bread-winner. I'm two months pregnant and have a four year son both by my husband. I ended up in the hospital for just about a month from April to late may, and when I got home he couldn’t get enough of me romantically! 

About two weeks ago I discovered his PA through phone records I NEVER check. I had a dream about this the night before I found out, and must have been picking up on it, but I was shocked! I looked her up on his facebook at the same time as I was checking the phone records, and thought I MUST be wrong! She isn't exactly someone I had considered a threat...about almost 20 yrs older, and some months ago he had described her as an adoring older aunt(?). Kinky! 

He admitted to an affair within 5 minutes of confrontation and told me that it became physical a week after I went into the hospital! He has been sleeping with her about three months now. He had been sleeping with me the whole time too. I was very calm through that first discovery process.

The day I found out, he told me he was done with the marriage. Ouch. Told "loves me but is not sure if he is in love" and has been unhappy for the last year or so. He was REALLY cold the night I found out, and outright angry and cruel the next day. He has yet to show any REAL remorse. I spoke to this woman right after I found out and was very level headed and did not lash out. She said she was ashamed of herself and would not now, or in the future, be with him again. Yah right. At times she expressed shock that he was not truthful with HER (not telling her about the pregnancy, assuming we weren't having sex, and that I wanted out)! 

I've made some typical mistakes, especially the first day or so. Initially I told him how much we need him, tried to reason with him telling him children are much better off in two parent households among other things, and told him that what he was doing was morally outrageous. I asked him to please understand how this affected me and our unborn child, how much we would need him during the pregnancy and in the months after, and that he meant everything to me and I would do ANYTHING to make things better. I could go on and on. Yuck again!

I have been following my own instinct for self protection, as well as picking up and implementing advice I've gotten online and elsewhere. For example agreeing with everything he says no matter how outrageous (takes the wind out of his sails, and keeps me safer from his anger!), speaking softly and kindly, being as nonchalant as possible (this one is hard sometimes), acting happy (and genuinely BEING happy more than I would have thought), spending time with positive friends, not asking/begging him to stay, not trying to reason with him, not using my son and unborn child against him, making sure I look, smell good, and feel good. 

I’m genuinely doing everything I can to move on! His behavior has changed a bit, and his heart seems to be softening AT TIMES. The other night he told me that he really does love and care for me, and this was NOT an easy decision. He told me he is happy, but really sad too. He said that part of the reason he has to leave me is that he wasn’t able to appreciate all the wonderful things about me as I deserved, but now he could again. I just listened sweetly. Contrast that with the last few days of him taking out his anger on me SO coldly 

None-the-less, he left us a week ago and has been staying with the OW. Since he has left I have had a harder time being distant and light-hearted with him. I am so angry that he isn't being with our son as much as possible! There have been a couple days where I haven't been able to hold my tongue, and of course, all I get is defensive anger and insults. The OW has even begun to get involved when we disagree, and started texting me REALLY inappropriate things. Cruel things! I got caught up and was a little snarky in return, but was NOT as MEAN!. Communicating with her is a mistake that I WILL NOT repeat. She should be SOOO proud to have gotten a rise out of the pregnant and hormonal wife! My goodness. Although I DO have good days, my heart is broken for my sweet children and myself!

I love my husband so much and I THINK I want to be with him, at the very LEAST for our children. I at LEAST want the option to choose! It feels horrible to find myself pregnant and alone. I don't know this man who cares not a whit about our feelings!

I have fallen “in” and “out” of love during our five year marriage but believe that love isn’t only a feeling. It is action and commitment as well! If you have any help to offer or specific instructions or tips regarding things that have worked for you or even encouraging words, I would be SO grateful!

I feel I have already grown SO MUCH in the last couple weeks, but sometimes it's hard to be the reasonable bigger person. Especially being PREGNANT! Help!

Whew! I supposed I could have condensed that...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Protect yourself. File for child support at minimum STAT.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Being his attitude is to dump you, and be with his lover----you MUST DO a 180, and let him know at least on the outside you can do w/out him-----

Protect yourself financially, and go see an atty.----He has already abandoned his family, and run off with another woman while you are pregnant---so in a D. action, you should win all the way around----that may not be what you want, BUT ---you must face facts, if he is done with you, and will not come back, what you feel for him, has no bearing

Right now try to get the A. stopped probably the only thing that has any chance of working is the threat of D.

Do you have family, and friends that can take care of you, and see you thru all of this--

---also what do you know of the other woman---she may not know your H., has left a pregnant woman at home to be with her----you might want to tell both her, and her H. what is going on

Short of all of that protect, and take care of yourself


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Being his attitude is to dump you, and be with his lover----you MUST DO a 180, and let him know at least on the outside you can do w/out him-----
> 
> Protect yourself financially, and go see an atty.----He has already abandoned his family, and run off with another woman while you are pregnant---so in a D. action, you should win all the way around----that may not be what you want, BUT ---you must face facts, if he is done with you, and will not come back, what you feel for him, has no bearing
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Lawyer up ASAP! He has already abandoned the home and children. You can rake him over the coals in a D. If you want him back, he needs to be snapped back into reality. 

Do the 180 if you can. Read up on it.


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Being his attitude is to dump you, and be with his lover----you MUST DO a 180, and let him know at least on the outside you can do w/out him-----
> 
> Protect yourself financially, and go see an atty.----He has already abandoned his family, and run off with another woman while you are pregnant---so in a D. action, you should win all the way around----that may not be what you want, BUT ---you must face facts, if he is done with you, and will not come back, what you feel for him, has no bearing
> 
> ...


Since about day 2 of discovering the affair I have been implementing the 180, turns out, without knowing it. I have taken a couple steps back here and there, but all in all doing pretty well )especially for being hormonally deranged!). I've found that at the very LEAST it is helping me to maintain a modicum of objectivity, thank goodness! I can actually see how disgusting their behavior is and do NOT envy them. What a terrible way to start a relationship

I spoke to the OW for about an hour the day I found out. She was relatively compassionate and I had hope she might be a good person doing a really bad thing...WRONG. She began sending me very cruel texts shortly there after. She didn't know I was pregnant, that we were still having lots of sex, thought we fought all the time, and that divorce was on the table. That was news to me. SHE was irritated that he lied to and misled HER. Okay...?They are right back on now, and think that they are MADLY in love. This man who was pretending to be my husband in every way TWO WEEKS ago is exchanging texts that sound exactly like ours did at this stage. Ouch.

I have a lawyer, and thank goodness. Things have gone from bad to worse. He had taken my son camping overnight and brought him to me the next day. I asked him if I could see his phone - stupid, I know, but I'm pregnant, and darn-it,! I wanted to SEE what they were writing even if I already sort of knew. I've been so calm and unquestioning that he just handed it right over. When he realized what I was doing he freaked. Screaming "you stupid f****** b****!," and "I f****** hate you!" at me within earshot and then in front of my 4 year old as I was trying to get us out of the house. He went from 0-100mph in a split second! It was like I was threatening to flush a active addicct's drugs or something!

Then this evening he took our only running car. I am 9 weeks pregnant with a 4 year old! It doesn't phase him one bit that I have an ob appointment tomorrow! I think I am filing at the end of the week. I feel terrible. Any advice would be amazing!


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