# Should my wife and I rent to someone she slept with?



## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.

My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.

So he let us know several months ago that he was thinking about moving out and was looking for something bigger. He got engaged and him and his fiance were looking to get a place together. It's always frustrating to lose a good renter, but I also felt some relief that someone my wife had slept with will be out of the picture. He's a good guy but I just always felt awkward being around that apartment building and wondering what other renters know about him and my wife. 

So we have been fixing up a house that is an adjacent property to these apartments and getting it ready to rent. This guy asked my wife about it and he is really interested in taking the place. We've had others interested in it as well. So here's the dilemma. Every time someone new moves in, it is always a gamble. You never truly know what kind of renter you will be getting. Here is a guy who we know is a great renter, will pay, take care of the place, and not be a problem. In any other situation it is a total no-brainer to rent to him. But I just can't get over my jealousy and awkward feelings that someone who rents off of us had sex with my wife. She understands my thoughts but from a business perspective she really wants to rent to him. And I know that we should and I'm certainly leaning towards that. I'm just having some trouble talking myself into it.

I'm just curious what others would do in this situation. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I would want to pass on renting anew to someone my partner had been having sex with--- especially since the history is that she began and had that sexual relationship with him during the time he was renting from her. I know that you can't spend life avoiding people your spouse had sex with in the past, but you have a choice here to not re-up and keep this guy in your life... I'd let him go and find a different tenant.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

I know I wouldn't be able to do that. It's a balance. Is the fact that's he's a decent renter going to outweigh the jealousy factor or vice versa. That's your answer.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I think your concerns are valid. I would also want him out of the picture just to avoid the awkwardness. That's aside from the potential for cheating issue. No matter what the current situation is, the fact that they have a past means it's going to be that much easier for things to get confused and lines to be crossed. 

Imagine if it was the situation in reverse where one of your ex-girlfriends was a renter. Would you think of her as just a random renter? Or would you think of her in a more special way and be more inclined to give her special consideration because of your past history?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

davepaul said:


> Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.
> 
> My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.
> 
> ...



**** no. Why would you even ask this question?! Sounds like your wife has quite the past I wouldn't want to deal with. Jealousy exist for a reason; I suggest you heed and embrace it.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Absolutely not. The most dangerous person for any possible affair is one that your spouse has ALREADY had sex with.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

The risk of a troublesome renter is small potatoes compared to the risk of an affair.

Avoiding many of life's pitfalls is about being proactive. Proactively avoiding situations in which catastrophic failures can even take place.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Yeah, I would pass. You will find another good renter, hopefully one that hasn’t had his dong in your wife.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

There are things that some people would find acceptable and I would just find icky.

This would be one of them. Hard pass. Just don’t debate about it, own it. “I find this distasteful and I can’t get behind it.”


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Haha! Thanks for bringing some levity to the topic. My thoughts exactly.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

wilson said:


> I think your concerns are valid. I would also want him out of the picture just to avoid the awkwardness. That's aside from the potential for cheating issue. No matter what the current situation is, the fact that they have a past means it's going to be that much easier for things to get confused and lines to be crossed.
> 
> Imagine if it was the situation in reverse where one of your ex-girlfriends was a renter. Would you think of her as just a random renter? Or would you think of her in a more special way and be more inclined to give her special consideration because of your past history?



Good point. I definitely would not think of an ex girlfriend as any other renter and perhaps my wife would feel more inclined to give this guy special treatment. I have no worries that my wife would cheat with him. It's just the awkwardness of having him around that I'd rather avoid. After reading all of the comments I think I am going to pass on renting to him. Thank you for the advice!


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Spicy said:


> Yeah, I would pass. You will find another good renter, hopefully one that hasn’t had his dong in your wife.



Haha! My thoughts exactly. I needed some levity. Thanks.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Livvie said:


> I would want to pass on renting anew to someone my partner had been having sex with--- especially since the history is that she began and had that sexual relationship with him during the time he was renting from her. I know that you can't spend life avoiding people your spouse had sex with in the past, but you have a choice here to not re-up and keep this guy in your life... I'd let him go and find a different tenant.


Thank you for the advice. I am now leaning towards passing. You're right. I can't avoid men that my wife had sex with all together, but this is definitely a situation in my control and I think I'll be better off getting him out of our life and trying to find a new tenant. I'm going to talk to my wife about it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The conscionable answer would be a definitive "No!"*


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

davepaul said:


> I have no worries that my wife would cheat with him.


Betrayed spouses rarely do.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

If I was you talk to her about this and judge her reaction . If she agrees right away to not rent to him then there maybe nothing to worry about . But if she puts up a fight that you should keep renting to him then there maybe be something more than you know going on . And then it would be detective time .


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

No. Unless you enjoy ripping scabs off wounds.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

davepaul said:


> I have no worries that my wife would cheat with him.


I think it would be beneficial to look at this incident as an insight into the type of judgement of your GF has. Just consider the question "Is it a good idea to have a sexual relationship with a tenant?". The answer is a definitive no. There are all kinds of legal complications that get created with that kind of relationship. That's especially true if the tenant becomes a problem. Imagine if he says "She made me have sex with her or she'd kick me out". There are all kinds of ways that kind of relationship can cause major problems and it's best to avoid it entirely. Yet, she went ahead anyway. Did she proceed knowing the risks, or was she naive about it all? Either way, it's something to be concerned about.

With that in mind, you may need to keep a bit more watchful eye on her for this kind of behavior in other areas of her life. That might be things like she has a one-on-one casual relationship with a guy coworker, she goes home alone and sees guys from her school, and things like that. She may go into those situations without really considering the negative consequences and easily get caught up in something. 

Even now with this guy, I think you may need to tread carefully if you tell him you're not renting to him. There are all kinds of fairness laws about how landlords can evaluate tenants. If you tell him no, he may have a legitimate case because he's being rejected because of the bias of the prior sexual relationship. You may want to talk with a lawyer first to ensure there won't be any risk of a lawsuit.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why on earth would anyone have sex with a client? Your wife has some dubious boundaries.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The thing is......

He rents space on 'your' account.

He owns space in her mind.

He will be in your new refurbished house.

He has already been in your wife's furry garage.

Tis', a conflict of interest in this case.

1) Interest on your ledger.

2) Conflict of seeing him as a lecher.


She was honest about his and her situation, that is good.
You need to be honest about your situation, that it bothers you badly.

This will be you marking your territory, she may not like it, but she will respect it. Believe me.

..................................................................................................................................................

Once his fiancee finds out that he slept with the landlady, all hell will break out. Tell that to your wife.
Who needs this potential drama?


She will either say that nobody else knows, or she will reluctantly agree.

If she agrees, then other people know, more the reason, not rent to him again.



KB-


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Definitely terrible judgement on her part for very apparent reasons.

She totally screwed this situation up, so bad on her but she hasn't apparently learned her lesson if she still wants to rent to this guy. She destroyed a great renting opportunity.

Hopefully she will learn from this.

I would say you have to pass on this great renter because she destroyed that good business relationship by bedding him.

What was she thinking???


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

wilson said:


> Even now with this guy, I think you may need to tread carefully if you tell him you're not renting to him. There are all kinds of fairness laws about how landlords can evaluate tenants. If you tell him no, he may have a legitimate case because he's being rejected because of the bias of the prior sexual relationship. You may want to talk with a lawyer first to ensure there won't be any risk of a lawsuit.


I would say absolutely not, but I would also agree with wilson and say to go speak to an attorney. At least make sure you don't tell the renter why you didn't rent to him. 

I wonder if this man's fiancee knows that he used to have sex with the landlord. I doubt she'd be too happy about that situation either.

If these are your wife's properties and presumably her income source, why are you now involved with their operations?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A single woman should feel free to bed whoever she chooses.

The fact that she broke it off with him (the renter) is her right also.

Because of the business {conflict of interest} of having relations with a client (renter) she has set herself up for punishment from more than one quarter.

From her husband.
From the renter.
From her conscience.

From the renter's attorney? I do not think the guy will sue. Not if he really is that good guy. He will know why he is being rejected. What will he tell his fiancee when she asks why are you suing your old landlady? He will not want to expose the fact that he was once the landlady's lover. He would be a fool to go that route.

I understand treating the guy with respect. He was a good guy, still is a good guy, until he isn't. 

Give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him that someone else asked first for the rental house. Or, tell him nothing, but sorry, that it will be rented to someone else.

These things happen, life goes on, not always smoothly.

She had a consensual relationship with him, now she must punish him for his past deeds, their past deeds. Deeds that were OK then, not OK now.

But, rebuttal, her husband's feelings on this come first.



QN-


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> A single woman should feel free to bed whoever she chooses.
> 
> The fact that she broke it off with him (the renter) is her right also.
> 
> ...



Thanks for your post. I agree that a single woman should feel free to go to bed with whomever she chooses. For the most part any way. My wife had other lovers under casual circumstances, which is fine. It's just that in this particular case I think she displayed very poor judgment because of the landlord and tenant situation. I've discussed it with my wife and we've agreed that we will just tell him we've already rented it out to someone else. No need to go into the real reason we're going to go with someone else.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Cynthia said:


> I would say absolutely not, but I would also agree with wilson and say to go speak to an attorney. At least make sure you don't tell the renter why you didn't rent to him.
> 
> I wonder if this man's fiancee knows that he used to have sex with the landlord. I doubt she'd be too happy about that situation either.
> 
> If these are your wife's properties and presumably her income source, why are you now involved with their operations?



The apartment he lives in is one of my wife's properties from before we were together. I'm also a landlord so once we got married we pretty much combined our responsibilities with our various units that we already owned. As for the house that is about to be rented, that is one we purchased together since we've been married. 

I've also wondered if his fiance knows that he had sex with my wife. If she doesn't know he'd be better off moving elsewhere. After reading all the advice today I talked with my wife about this situation and we've decided not to rent to him. We definitely won't tell him why of course. We'll just say someone else had asked first and already put money down. 

Thanks for your response!


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Definitely terrible judgement on her part for very apparent reasons.
> 
> She totally screwed this situation up, so bad on her but she hasn't apparently learned her lesson if she still wants to rent to this guy. She destroyed a great renting opportunity.
> 
> ...



I agree. Going to bed with him was not her finest moment. I'm sure there are other flings she'd like to have back, but this one really takes the cake. I talked with my wife about it this evening and she's changed her mind about renting to him. This guy had been such a good renter over the last several years that I think she forgot just how big of a mistake sleeping with him had been. I know she was very worried initially when she had broken it off with him, but it never caused any problem. It's definitely a shame to lose a good renter, especially because we always try to help out our good renters, so I think she has learned her lesson now.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> Why on earth would anyone have sex with a client? Your wife has some dubious boundaries.



Haha! Yeah, it was not her finest moment.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

niceguy47460 said:


> If I was you talk to her about this and judge her reaction . If she agrees right away to not rent to him then there maybe nothing to worry about . But if she puts up a fight that you should keep renting to him then there maybe be something more than you know going on . And then it would be detective time .



Thanks for the advice. I talked with my wife this evening and we've decided not to rent to him. He had been such a good renter for such a long time that I think the magnitude and potential consequences of my wife's past sexual relationship with him hadn't really hit her until we talked about it some more tonight. Thanks for your response and I feel relieved that we are going to go in another direction.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

wilson said:


> I think it would be beneficial to look at this incident as an insight into the type of judgement of your GF has. Just consider the question "Is it a good idea to have a sexual relationship with a tenant?". The answer is a definitive no. There are all kinds of legal complications that get created with that kind of relationship. That's especially true if the tenant becomes a problem. Imagine if he says "She made me have sex with her or she'd kick me out". There are all kinds of ways that kind of relationship can cause major problems and it's best to avoid it entirely. Yet, she went ahead anyway. Did she proceed knowing the risks, or was she naive about it all? Either way, it's something to be concerned about.
> 
> With that in mind, you may need to keep a bit more watchful eye on her for this kind of behavior in other areas of her life. That might be things like she has a one-on-one casual relationship with a guy coworker, she goes home alone and sees guys from her school, and things like that. She may go into those situations without really considering the negative consequences and easily get caught up in something.
> 
> Even now with this guy, I think you may need to tread carefully if you tell him you're not renting to him. There are all kinds of fairness laws about how landlords can evaluate tenants. If you tell him no, he may have a legitimate case because he's being rejected because of the bias of the prior sexual relationship. You may want to talk with a lawyer first to ensure there won't be any risk of a lawsuit.



Thanks for your response. Having sex with a tenant was definitely very bad judgment on her part. I'm still shocked that she did that. I've talked with my wife about this situation tonight and we've decided not to rent to him. We certainly won't tell him that the actual reason is their sexual history together. There have been others interested in the place so we'll just say that someone else had asked about it first and that they've already put money down.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> The thing is......
> 
> He rents space on 'your' account.
> 
> ...



Thanks. I've talked with my wife about this tonight and she's agreed with me now to not rent to him. I was firm about my feelings about this. All has been good with this guy for years but you never know what kind of drama his fiance could cause if she finds out about her guy and my wife's history (if she doesn't already know). My wife did respect my stance. Thanks for the advice.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

davepaul said:


> Thanks. I've talked with my wife about this tonight and she's agreed with me now to not rent to him. I was firm about my feelings about this. All has been good with this guy for years but you never know what kind of drama his fiance could cause if she finds out about her guy and my wife's history (if she doesn't already know). My wife did respect my stance. Thanks for the advice.


It will probably work out best for all concerned, including him and his fiancee.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

To your point about being able to trust your W 100% with this guy.....

There is no question about him being a person your W would sleep with she already has, and no question he is attractive to her.

Even worse they parted on good terms and remained friends.

I suspect having an orgasm with another person makes your relationship with them different from all non-orgasmic relationships.

Why did you allow your W to keep contact with this guy? 

I think you need to ask your W about her sexual history, 

Does she have alot of male friends?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Well ... different perspective here.

The dude is looking for a place for he and his fiancee.

The sexual relationship is in the rearview mirror ... for both parties.

If you have an issue with it, so be it. Do as you see fit.

Me and how I operate? I'd have no problem with this.


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## HorseShowMom (Oct 7, 2019)

As someone who has about 8 years of experience as a landlord, I would be happy to continue renting to the guy. Here’s why:

We all know how hard it is to find and keep a good tenant. The solid rental history and your personal experience with him are darn near priceless. I’m not one to roll the dice if I don’t have to.

It sound like you and your wife are on good terms, in a solid relationship. If that’s the case, what are you really concerned about?

She was honest about the situation, and if I’m understanding things correctly, she slept with him before you- she didn’t cheat on you with him. Right?

The other thing is that he’s looking for a bigger place because he’s engaged. I would take that as a pretty solid indication that he’s not hung up on your wife.

Is the rental in question right next door to your house? I can see how that would be uncomfortable, and would agree to probably pass. But anywhere else in town? What’s the problem? I see my renters very little, and even then it’s a brief interaction, maybe just to repair something or sign paperwork. 

Just my two cents 🙂


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

TAMAT said:


> To your point about being able to trust your W 100% with this guy.....
> 
> There is no question about him being a person your W would sleep with she already has, and no question he is attractive to her.
> 
> ...



The only reason my wife has stayed in contact with this guy is because he is a tenant. I found out she had slept with him when her and I were dating and this point he had already been renting a place from her for several months. I figured he'd move out at some point but he's been in there for several years now. He's always been a perfectly good renter so we would have no base to evict him or ask him to move out. My wife certainly put herself in that awkward position and there really wasn't anything we could do about it. 

I have talked with my wife about her sexual history. She's certainly had some flings and done some things she's not proud of, but this was the most foolish and regrettable thing she had done. She did have a lot of male friends when she was single but as her and I got serious she lost touch with them mostly. She may see them out somewhere once in a while but as for friends that she actually spends time with these days, they are all female.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

" I found out she had slept with him when her and I were dating and this '

wait (this may be a punctuation thing...) She slept with him WHEN you and her were dating (i.e. WHILE you were dating), or you found out that she had done this BEFORE you started dating (and just found out while dating)???
Seems a bit sketchy if she was sleeping with him WHILE you were dating, no???


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

If the mans fiance does not know please inform her so she knows what's up


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

HorseShowMom said:


> As someone who has about 8 years of experience as a landlord, I would be happy to continue renting to the guy. Here’s why:
> 
> We all know how hard it is to find and keep a good tenant. The solid rental history and your personal experience with him are darn near priceless. I’m not one to roll the dice if I don’t have to.
> 
> ...



Yes indeed. As a landlord yourself, you certainly understand why we wouldn't want to see him go. It is always nerve racking to find new tenants and hope that they turn out okay. You are correct. My wife slept with him prior to meeting me, right before her and I started dating. And she was very upfront with me about it and didn't try to keep it a secret. The rental property in question is not near our home but it is right by some apartments that we own. My wife and I have a great relationship and I don't feel the slightest bit threatened by him. When I say all that, it seems stupid to not rent to him.

I'll admit that I am jealous that he had sex with my wife and it is an awkward feeling that we rent to someone she slept with. And those are really the only reasons we've thought about passing. I don't know if any drama could ever come about with his fiance over this (like if she doesn't already know they slept together and she later finds out) but I would very highly doubt it. I thought I had made up my mind yesterday to pass on renting to him but now I'm not so sure. We still have some time to think it over. He is a good guy and a great renter to have so now I'm feeling a little foolish for considering passing. The thought of ending up with a bad renter after fixing this place up is starting to scare me back towards letting him have the place.

Thanks for your adding your two cents! I really appreciate it.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> " I found out she had slept with him when her and I were dating and this '
> 
> wait (this may be a punctuation thing...) She slept with him WHEN you and her were dating (i.e. WHILE you were dating), or you found out that she had done this BEFORE you started dating (and just found out while dating)???
> Seems a bit sketchy if she was sleeping with him WHILE you were dating, no???



My wife slept with him shortly before her and I started dating, not while we were dating. I should have made that clearer. I found out about it after her and I started dating. She told me about it soon after we became a couple because he's a tenant of hers and didn't want to hide it from me.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

TAMAT said:


> If the mans fiance does not know please inform her so she knows what's up



We don't know if his fiance knows. I would definitely not feel comfortable about her not knowing if we rent to them. I've thought about having my wife ask him if his fiance knows. If she does know and she's totally fine it then it would help put my mind at ease that there wouldn't be any drama on her part.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So davepaul, I realize that he's a good tenant, and they are hard to find, but CLEARLY this bothers you or you wouldn't have even brought it up.
I would say your original decision with your wife is correct -- don't rent to him (I think it's worth your piece of mind), and just try to make sure you screen people better (or get a management company to pre-screen).


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> So davepaul, I realize that he's a good tenant, and they are hard to find, but CLEARLY this bothers you or you wouldn't have even brought it up.
> I would say your original decision with your wife is correct -- don't rent to him (I think it's worth your piece of mind), and just try to make sure you screen people better (or get a management company to pre-screen).


Thank you. You're right. It does bother me. It's something I've been going back and forth on lately and so that's why I made the post, to see what others think or would do in my situation. I appreciate your suggestion.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Deejo said:


> Well ... different perspective here.
> 
> The dude is looking for a place for he and his fiancee.
> 
> ...



Thank you for your response and I appreciate that you have a different perspective.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

davepaul said:


> Yes indeed. As a landlord yourself, you certainly understand why we wouldn't want to see him go. It is always nerve racking to find new tenants and hope that they turn out okay. You are correct. My wife slept with him prior to meeting me, right before her and I started dating. And she was very upfront with me about it and didn't try to keep it a secret. The rental property in question is not near our home but it is right by some apartments that we own. My wife and I have a great relationship and I don't feel the slightest bit threatened by him. When I say all that, it seems stupid to not rent to him.
> 
> I'll admit that I am jealous that he had sex with my wife and it is an awkward feeling that we rent to someone she slept with. And those are really the only reasons we've thought about passing. I don't know if any drama could ever come about with his fiance over this (like if she doesn't already know they slept together and she later finds out) but I would very highly doubt it. I thought I had made up my mind yesterday to pass on renting to him but now I'm not so sure. We still have some time to think it over. He is a good guy and a great renter to have so now I'm feeling a little foolish for considering passing. The thought of ending up with a bad renter after fixing this place up is starting to scare me back towards letting him have the place.
> 
> Thanks for your adding your two cents! I really appreciate it.


Not renting to him has nothing to do with whether the guy is still pining for your wife, or the strength of your relationship. Posters who have made such comments seem to be implying that relationships that start strong never experience infidelity at some future point.

Affairs are rarely planned. They "just happen". And they "just happen" because people make a bunch a small "not a big deal" compromises that snowball over the course of time. This snowball is a powder keg waiting for a spark.

Sure, maybe the spark never comes. But is that a risk you're willing to take in exchange for a reliable renter?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

So did this dude just suddenly come back into your life when he needed a place to rent? How did he find out about the place?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

davepaul said:


> We don't know if his fiance knows. I would definitely not feel comfortable about her not knowing if we rent to them. I've thought about having my wife ask him if his fiance knows. If she does know and she's totally fine it then it would help put my mind at ease that there wouldn't be any drama on her part.


**** that take them out to dinner and casually tell her on the side in matter of fact way. "Isn't great that we can all eat together even though those two banged." Hell show them both the house and bring it up while you are doing it. If you do I suspect the fact that his fiance didn't know will solve your problem. 

You guys are always too nice about this stuff, sure your wife might be pissed but she will get over it. I would be like "**** that guy your my wife. Better I am protect my investment than I don't care about it. You are mine until you say otherwise." She probably will secretly like that.

Don't be nice.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

This speaks volumes if what's most important money, over ones self-esteem. I guess if you want to walk in the shadows of another mans transformations to entice your wife.

And are ok with that???? Then rent it to him, life's about chances and so will be your next new renter. Do you due diligence on screening your next new tenant. You know how to do that. Move on start your new history with your wife without a old lover on the side. I know I couldn't do that, and everytime he meets me shakes my hand and smiles. Err no! Not something I would do.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

davepaul said:


> Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


In this case I think you are over thinking it, and letting your feelings run wild. It would be a lot different if she had had an affair with him while you were together. But since he's only an ex, and a bloody good renter, go for it. Let him rent.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

NO!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You married your wife knowing what she had done so clearly it wasn't that much of an issue that she had had sex with a client so not sure why its an issue for you not to rent to him unless you don't trust her. Personally I wouldn't have married someone who acted that way in the first place as it wasn't at all professional or wise.

Its not as if she would ever need to see him is it?


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

davepaul said:


> Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.
> 
> My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.
> 
> ...


Waaaat???

I would NEVER rent anything to anyone who slept with my husband before we started dating.

Oh, man, I would never even talk to them if they crossed the street, and if anyone introduced us I would even stop talking to that person too. Hahaha, just no, I live in a make believe land where my husband only dated me and that suits me fine, otherwise I would feel pretty jealous.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Deejo said:


> Well ... different perspective here.
> 
> The dude is looking for a place for he and his fiancee.
> 
> ...


FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!


There's a pretty firm rule in business. Do not,* ever*, have sex with a client or a customer.

Why? Because the client, as a current or former lover, might expect preferential treatment, or there might exist the potential for embarrassments for future interactions with current spouses on both sides.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!


I'm not coming from a position of retroactive jealousy or insecurity.

You have to be dumber than a bag of hammers to have sex with clients, tenants, customers, etc....

She screwed this one up.

I would have less trepidation over this situation if the renter was just a past lover and hadn't been bedded while his wife was the dude's landlord.

There might still be reasons to keep him away, personal call by OP, but at least no real lines would have been crossed.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!


Bark... Bark... Lol couldn't resist.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> FINALLY a voice of reason amongst the feral dogs. LOL!!


Maybe I'm a domesticated dog? Still have my feral instincts, but...

@davepaul

On the one hand we have the ability to keep a spectacular renter who would treat the house you've purchased and fixed up very well while paying rent on time and in full.

On the other hand we have some discomfort and vague concern due to the renter and your wife's previous sexual relationship.

It's true they had a sexual relationship in the past, however it was a casual thing that ended before you started dating several years ago. Not all people make such a big deal of sex. Some are completely capable of being FWB without getting attached. Your wife seems to be one of those people. And, frankly, _she_ ended the relationship according to one of your posts. If she'd wanted him it sounds like she could have had him. She chose to walk away several years ago instead. Also, attraction isn't necessarily forever. There were men I was involved with years ago that I was very attracted to when we were FWB's in the past, but who I have run into in recent years and feel no particular attraction toward. I've changed, they've changed, whatever spark was there just fizzled into nothing in the intervening years . 

Yes, they've broken the touch barrier. But it was many years ago and they've shown no signs of still carrying torches for each other. It sounds like their interactions have been nothing but professional since. I'd still consider renting to him and his fiancee. And I'm a territorial and possessive person, but my in-laws have been landlords and my parents were renters for decades. I know how hard it is to find a good renter. I think the deciding factor would be how much interaction does she have with her tenants in general and him in particular? When my parents were renters we only saw the landlord if there was a maintenance problem or if they were the kind that picked up the rent check and when doing the beginning and ending walk-throughs. When I was renting I only saw the landlord if there was a maintenance problem (rare) and for the walk-throughs because picking up the rent checks had long since fallen out of favor in this area and landlords just wanted them mailed or done via EFT.

If there's very little to no interaction between them or if you could handle most/all contact with him I'd say, considering the circumstances in their entirety, the risk of them getting involved again is negligible.


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

davepaul said:


> Hello. I'm new here and looking for advice.
> 
> My wife and I are both landlords/real estate investors. When I first met her, before we started dating, my wife was having sex with one of her renters. They didn't date but had a brief sexual relationship. Once we became exclusive and were getting serious, she told me about it. I thought it was a little odd to sleep with a renter but I respected her honesty and that she didn't keep it from me. So this guy she slept with is still a renter of hers/ours. And he's a great renter. No problems whatsoever, pays his rent ahead of time, and takes good care of his apartment and has improved it since he moved in.
> 
> ...



Not just no but Hell no! Seriously dude, you are just asking for trouble with this one. They have a past of shared physical intimacy. Emotions can do funny things at the most inopportune moments and lead to poor judgment. Then you'll be here with another problem on your hands. It's just better to navigate away from the situation and prevent it from happening.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Jharp said:


> Not just no but Hell no! Seriously dude, you are just asking for trouble with this one. They have a past of shared physical intimacy. Emotions can do funny things at the most inopportune moments and lead to poor judgment. Then you'll be here with another problem on your hands. It's just better to navigate away from the situation and prevent it from happening.


 Seriously this^!

Why even bother with renting to him if it makes you the least bit uncomfortable? It obviously does because you came on an anonymous forum to ask about it. Not renting to him is no big deal. He'll find another house and you will find another renter. Just do yourself a favor and nix it or it will eat at you for as long as he rents and that will affect your relationship with your wife whether you intend it to or not. If you do rent to him and realize it was a mistake then you will have to throw him out, think about how that would go. Just save yourself the grief and don't do it.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Maybe I'm a domesticated dog? Still have my feral instincts, but...
> 
> 
> @davepaul
> ...



Thank you for your reply. My wife and I don't see him much at all. When we do see him it's mainly if we are in the building and he happens to be going in or out. I actually consider myself a rather territorial and possessive person as well. I certainly wasn't crazy about her having a renter she slept with but at the time there was nothing we could do about it. We couldn't evict a perfectly good tenant just because he had consensual sex with my wife before we were together. He's been there so long that I've gotten somewhat used to it and don't mind it as much as I did initially.

You are right about my wife. She is the type who could have casual sex without getting emotionally attached and she had quite a few FWB situations, which is fine. I'm the opposite and sex has always been a really big deal to me. Maybe that's why the situation bothered me so much initially. I know she didn't feel anything for him and it she was just having some fun with him. I don't have any worries whatsoever about anything happening between my wife and him. It's more of a discomfort thing.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

moon7 said:


> Waaaat???
> 
> I would NEVER rent anything to anyone who slept with my husband before we started dating.
> 
> Oh, man, I would never even talk to them if they crossed the street, and if anyone introduced us I would even stop talking to that person too. Hahaha, just no, I live in a make believe land where my husband only dated me and that suits me fine, otherwise I would feel pretty jealous.



Hahaha! I know where you're coming from. I would also stop talking to someone that introduced me to an ex of my wife's. I generally like living in that make believe land where my wife only dated me. I usually avoid seeing or talking to anyone my wife dated at all costs. But in this situation she/we had this perfectly good renter who she happened to have slept with and there wasn't anything I could do about it.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> You married your wife knowing what she had done so clearly it wasn't that much of an issue that she had had sex with a client so not sure why its an issue for you not to rent to him unless you don't trust her. Personally I wouldn't have married someone who acted that way in the first place as it wasn't at all professional or wise.
> 
> Its not as if she would ever need to see him is it?



Thanks for your perspective. I totally trust my wife. It's more of a wanting to avoid any potential awkwardness and discomfort kind of thing. It was definitely not professional at all on her part to sleep with him. She knows that and really regrets it. I was very surprised she did that as she is a smart and responsible woman. Definitely not her finest moment and one she'd like to have back.

We see him occasionally in passing at the apartment building he currently lives in. We would actually see less of him if he takes this other place that he's interested in.


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

sokillme said:


> So did this dude just suddenly come back into your life when he needed a place to rent? How did he find out about the place?



He was renting an apartment from my wife before I met her. He's still living in that apartment and has been a very good renter. He found out about this other place he's interested in because it is right by the apartment he lives in. So my wife and I actually have had him as a renter the entire time we've been together.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

davepaul said:


> He was renting an apartment from my wife before I met her. He's still living in that apartment and has been a very good renter. He found out about this other place he's interested in because it is right by the apartment he lives in. So my wife and I actually have had him as a renter the entire time we've been together.


And obviously it has been bothering you to have this guy in your world the whole time, which sucks.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

davepaul said:


> He was renting an apartment from my wife before I met her. He's still living in that apartment and has been a very good renter. He found out about this other place he's interested in because it is right by the apartment he lives in. So my wife and I actually have had him as a renter the entire time we've been together.


Do what I said, rent him the apartment, then show up one day and let it slip out that he and your wife had relations. "Hi Ms. So and so, it's really good that you are cool with renting the apartment from us when you know my wife and him had a relationship. Oh he didn't tell you, I wonder why not. Anyway you guys are good renters, I hope that doesn't change anything. Have a good day."

Problem solved.

Besides that I think you should let it go. 

Two things. 

Never love someone enough that you can't live without them. You need to get to the point that if your wife cheats it's her loss. You will have a better marriage if you are confident in that fact. 

Right now all you got is a tenant that your wife was with before she knew you. Probably not the smartest thing to do but it's not like she cheated on you. Don't be passive. 

Second your wife is yours have confidence in that, if you are not confident in that why should she be. She married you, you won. If you are unsure about that make sure that is not just fear. If she is being shady then once again your problem is her not him. This guy should not even be a thought except that he was the loser when it came to your wife and you won.

You need to remind yourself "she married me because I am the best."


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## davepaul (Oct 12, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Do what I said, rent him the apartment, then show up one day and let it slip out that he and your wife had relations. "Hi Ms. So and so, it's really good that you are cool with renting the apartment from us when you know my wife and him had a relationship. Oh he didn't tell you, I wonder why not. Anyway you guys are good renters, I hope that doesn't change anything. Have a good day."
> 
> Problem solved.
> 
> ...



I actually use that line of thinking quite a bit. If I get feeling jealous that my wife was with a lot of other guys before me, I just think how she chose to marry me over them and it makes me feel like a king. It's definitely an ego boost and I do feel very confident about our marriage and sex life. I'm actually not at all concerned about her ever cheating. The reason for the post was based more on me trying to decide whether or not to remove ourselves from dealing with someone that she had slept with just to avoid any potential awkwardness.


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