# Cheater finds happiness?? wtf



## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

Wasn't really sure where to put this, but I think it fits under here.

A little of the back story:

Met my stbxh when we were 19, got married at 23 (May 2009). A month into the marriage I accused him of cheating with a woman he met on facebook. He denied it, made me believe I was crazy (and boy did I feel like it), we separated a few days before our 1 year anniversary. He finally admitted January 2011 (via e-mail...even tho we were living together) that he WAS cheating, and had cheated on me before we were married as well. Needless to say I've been on an emotional roller coaster for quite some time. 

I moved out, bought my own place and started casually dating Oct. 2011.

I found out today that my stbxh is now engaged (not to the woman he cheated on me with, which I'm happy about) to another woman he met on fb who he's been dating for less than a year.

Is it wrong for me to feel like the guy never deserves happiness...ever? And now he's engaged...and I can barely get a date...I guess I'm just a little depressed at the fact that someone can treat someone so horribly but end up being happy.

Suppose I'm just frustrated and venting.

Just makes me feel sad all over again.

Any advise/words of encouragement are welcome.

Thanks


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Don't worry. His happiness will end when he decides she is not meeting his needs and cheat again. By the way, happiness is in the eye of the beholder.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Looks like he's rushing into things too quickly but who am I to judge! You might still be going through his affair emotions. Don't let this get to you. 
I'm sure you'll find a good guy someday just have patience. You'll find a date I'm sure of it! 
His karma will come sooner or later and he'll feel the pain eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

lola_b said:


> and I can barely get a date...I guess I'm just a little depressed at the fact that someone can treat someone so horribly but end up being happy.


I'd stop focusing on him and his happiness and figure out why you can barely get a date.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Just be glad you found out now when someone shows you who they are we need to believe them
The grass is never greener on the otherside 

I would be glad that you aren't part of the drama anymore
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Focus on yourself, family, friends,work and school...If you present a self confident ,happy, positive attitude and feel good about yourself you will get dates..............Do not let your past with him effect your present and future happiness. I know ( easier said than done).

On your question........ "Is it wrong for me to feel like the guy never deserves happiness...ever?".....My answer is yes it wrong for you to feel that way , but that is a natural human response. However he is human and can learn from his mistakes.But if you hold onto the hate and resentment, its going to hurt YOU not him


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

Don't get me wrong, I'm much happier than I have been in years and I'm in a pretty good place in my life right now. It just floors me how someone could find a person like that attractive and trustworthy enough for marriage!? :scratchhead:

I guess I should have added a *meaningful date with a quality guy*...just having trouble finding what I want, because I know I won't be settling for just anyone and I'm not one to "fake it" until something better comes along.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You're only 22 and your life is far from over.You'll be more discerning now in your relationships and eventually you'll meet someone who will bring substantially more to the table in terms of commitment than your ex.Don't be in such a rush as your happiness doesn't depend on whether or not you're in a relationship.Explore what you really want in life...your hopes and dreams...get to really know yourself. The kind of happy your ex brings to a relationship isn't very appealing and from what you've posted also relatively fleeting.Want and expect more for yourself than what he had to offer and you'll do fine.Eventually,with time,his happiness or lack thereof will fade from your thoughts.Take care and I wish you well in your future.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You shouldn't refer to her as his fiancé, call her his next victim.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Who says he's happy? 
More likely he's LOOKING for happiness & is unlikely to find it on fb. You should pity the fool.

Edit to add: 
By fool - I mean her


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

Thanks for the replies  took the pooch for a walk and I feel much better now.

I have great family and friends and if it wasn't for them, who knows where I would be right now. I sincerely hope he has changed and doesn't put another person through what he put me through...I don't wish that on anyone. I honestly don't know if he's happy...but I just figured so since he's engaged...or maybe she's preggo...who knows!

I definitely know what I want and don't want out of life and in a potential partner...and I guess I have him to thank for that!


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

He will get exactly what he deserves. Be patient and if you are lucky you may get a front row seat. 

Take care of yourself. Focus on you. Let the cosmos take care of him.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Falene said:


> He will get exactly what he deserves. Be patient and if you are lucky you may get a front row seat.


She doesn't need a front row seat.

There are much better movies to watch.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I'm not gonna lie to you and say hes gonna get his just desserts. To believe so would be naive, you can never really know for sure. 

Not too many, but some cheaters will get bliss.

So many women cheat on their husbands for the whole marriage, but the husband never finds out and all is well.

Life ain't fair, thats all I can tell ya honestly.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

There are men on death row who find women to marry them. There is no shortage of stupid desperate people who will cling to the first person who fits their own brand of crazy and dysfunctional. It has nothing to do with being happy, with being sane or being good enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Listen you're young both of you and he will go on to destroy many many more lives which should tell you that actually he's not happy inside - never will be 

Thank your lucky stars you're out of it and he can't cause you any more of the pain and destruction you suffered


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Until he can get over the need to screw over or just screw every woman he meets he will never be wife, or his future wife won't allow him to be happy.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> .and I can barely get a date...


You're a woman, what do you mean you can barely get a date? You're doing it wrong


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Don't deposit your happyness with your cheating husband. I assume you left him to create a better future for yourself. 

Focus on that now, leave him be with his own mental issues. Good luck


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Don't worry...the Karma bus is coming!


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

That your happiness hinges on his pain is not a healthy perspective.

Although it is definitely one I understand, and once upon a time, shared. 

The best revenge you can ever have is to get to a point where you no longer care about vindication or revenge. Move on with your life. If your actions were truly noble and his were not, that will be made manifest in your respective lives. 

If he can find happiness, as long as he does it through honest means you should be happy for him. I know that sounds horrific but if you ever get to that point, you are the one who wins. 

Because later in life we all will have no choice but to reflect on what we have done to others. Your victory is that you treated him with honor, respect and love. He will be forced to come to terms with the fact that he is a destroyer of life.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

WhiteMouse ..........well said


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Kasler........I hope you are wrong on this........" So many women cheat on their husbands for the whole marriage, but the husband never finds out and all is well."........... I would think there would be signs along the way, that makes me nervous


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