# My boyfriend can be overly friendly to other women.



## johnsonb (Jun 30, 2014)

I was with my husband for 25 years . Eight years ago he returned from Iraq mentally ill and committed suicide. He was a contractor not military. I have been dating my boyfriend for five years now. He works for the union and so he travels from state to state to work. When we first started seeing each other he was of course "perfect"! We met through mutual friends. Everyone had a lot of respect for him and talked highly about him. He has been married three times, and I know who the women are from way back when in the 80's and 90's. They were all very pretyy , but extremely wild. All three of his marriages failed with in their first year. I have only been married once and I don't have any desire to marry again. We get along great except for his "friendliness" towards other women he usually meets on the job sites. In the beginning he was alway's getting some womans phone number that he met on the job. They were alway's single or getting divorced. One woman handed him her phone number and told him to call her and they'd hook up. When he was telling me this he thought it was funny. I asked him if she knew about me and he said yes. So I told him that he must have gotten a little too friendly with her, flirting around, for her to think he was interested. He sats he doesn't "flirt" he just talks sh-t. Well his talking sh-t is sexual flirting to me. I threw a fit. I told him that it was disrespectful to me to talk to other women like that. It gives them the impression that he's a player. We worked out that situation and he never put her number in his phone. I know I checked. What I went through with my husband has left me hypersensitive about infidelity. He's been single for a long time, said he was waiting for the right woman. A year ago I had enough of the stories he'd tell me about on his jobs. One woman who was really rough, favored him and would run the other guys off her area. My boyfriend thought it was funny that there was a rumor going around that they were sleeping together. I wasn't amused.I told him he puts himself in those positions, he initiates it. He said I was over reacting. I don't think so. He say's he loves me and that he just jokes a lot. Well eveything has been better up until recently. He's down in Texas and rooming with a buddy at a extended stay hotel. Since it is a non smoking hotel he goes outside to the parking lot to have a cigarette. One of the other workers wives started hanging out side their door and waiting for him to go smoke. He told me she made him really uncomfortable. Well for him to be uncomfortable she must have been really forward. So I calmly told him that "What happened did she call your bluff?" He said "yeah, she did" Okay I'm pissed off and hurt. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, just a little fun. I have some major issues from my past that are really painful. Those "just having fun " situations can easily turn into more than that. I understand he has been single for many years, and old habits die hard. It's his flirting that hurts me and makes me crazy. I have put it to him in a reverse situation, would he like it if I......! It works for a while. How can I explain to him that if you are in a committed relationship flirting is not alright? Or is that what people do these day's? Am I over reacting? I was in a very controlling relationship for 25 years and I carry wounds from it still. After my husbands death I had a woman call me and "apologize" to me because my husband was always trying to get her to go to a hotel with him. Why anyone would feel the need to tell an already devastated widow this I have no idea. Am I not being fair to him? Am I letting wounds from my past effect this relationship? I know he hasn't cheated. But my fear is that one day the situation might be right. I don't know! I never thought my husband was a cheat. Then he brought home an STD from Iraq that he got at on one of the bases.Should I set boundaries?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are not overacting. 

Your bf knows that this disturbs you. But he just has to tell you all about his flirtations. He's a player and he likes letting you know this.

I have dated two men in the past who traveled a lot for their work. Both of them were a lot like your bf. Both had stories. Both were very friendly with women. Both cheated like there was no tomorrow.

One of them I did not marry because I knew that he was cheating.

The other I married and found out about his cheating 2 years after we married. He cheated the entire time we dated and 2 years into our marriage... that's 4 years that I had no clue. I just thought he was a nice, friendly guy. Stupid, stupid me.

If you want to find out what he's really up to you can do some snooping when he's in town.

Your bf is disrespectful and purposely telling you just enough to hurt you to keep you in your place. He's most likely (99%) doing a lot more than he admits.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He's showing you clearly what he's like. His only redeeming "feature" is that he's open about it. You're dating, not married. 

Dump him. Find someone whose morals match your own. Stop wasting your life with someone like this. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

Even if his behavior is becoming more and more "normal" in our culture, it doesn't make it right. You're right to feel uncomfortable and you've told him how you feel. The ball's been banging around his court for some time now, and he doesn't appear to care to change. I'd guard your heart and consider releasing this guy to continue his folly with someone else. Have you not had enough pain already? HUGS to you, girl!

~ Seek the Light ~


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Sounds like he enjoys the "attention" of being single and available and the long term stability of marriage. Just imagine if life worked this way - ice cream would be considered health food and brussel sprouts would be fattening.


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## Binji (Jun 25, 2014)

Why are you with this guy? Married three times should automatically be a date repellent. He has shown you his true colors. Dump this clown
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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