# Anger Issues



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Who has them and how to you deal with the issue?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

When my marriage was in the crapper and my wife emotionally checked out, she handed me a laundry list of my faults. Some true, some BS, some fog-speak.

I ended up focusing myself on three areas listed that I felt I needed to work on. Anger was one of them. That was 8 years ago and today I rarely have any sort of outburst, shut down or fit. I never had any professional counseling with this issue just made it up as I went along.

First and foremost, my wife and I fixed our marriage and a huge amount of stress was lifted from us both.

Through better communication with my wife I've learned to carry that beyond the marriage to my kids and personal contacts.

I've increased the level of empathy which makes me more sensitive to others even if they are annoying me.

I've learned to recognize the warning signs that I am becoming overly agitated and either take a deep breath or remove myself from the situation.

If I feel a need to confront something/one, I try to take a few minutes to think it through.

Finally, after working my way through our reconciliation, I've learned that very few issues in my life have anywhere close to the amount of physical, emotional and financial damage that could have been done to me and my family then if the marriage had failed. In short, "Don't sweat about the small sh1t!"


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

During my life in general, I've not had "issues" with anger, really. Controlled it pretty well.

It was finding out about the long-ago affair by my wife that has created the only big issue I've had with controlling anger. I'm just over a year out from DDay. The initial burst hit about a week after D-Day, when I tried to get the OM to meet me to duke it out. 

He was, of course, a pathetic coward. He really was. As a man, for the life of me I can't imagine running from a challenge and enduring the things that I said to him. I'd lie awake at night out of shame.

After that, the anger turned toward my wife. It would boil up and bust out 3-4 nights a week, and last until morning.

The only way I've dealt with it is just enduring it. Sometimes I'd break a few things, pound on things. Ruined some good shovels, rakes, etc. I basically could not and did not deal with it. Over time, I've slowly become used to the constant, underlying current of anger. After it goes on for months, you begin to get numb.

I often compare it to an injury that leaves you with a limp. You don't get over it, you just get used to it, and limp along.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> When my marriage was in the crapper and my wife emotionally checked out, she handed me a laundry list of my faults. Some true, some BS, some fog-speak.
> 
> I ended up focusing myself on three areas listed that I felt I needed to work on. Anger was one of them. That was 8 years ago and today I rarely have any sort of outburst, shut down or fit. I never had any professional counseling with this issue just made it up as I went along.
> 
> ...


Yes, trying not to sweat the small sheit is getting a bit harder for me as I get older. I see you use the prescribed techniques to defuse a outburst. I need to start practicing these.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Anger issues?!


I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FVCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT DUMBASS!!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I used to have them when I was younger.....18-22. Long story behind it but I was in a very stressful job and hadn't yet learned the ability to say no to anyone for any reason.

I was heavily involved in martial arts in my youth and also into eastern philosophy. I learned mediation from a grand master and have been using it ever since to control myself. This really does work but is not easy to achieve....I don't know why people think meditation is easy because it isn't. It take practice and focus.

Anyone who has met me from age 25 on would say that I am a very laid back person. Can't really get me upset, even though I have a trigger. What they don't know is that this is because I put work into it. 

So I stand behind meditation. Have been using that 20+ years now


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think my hb has some pent up anger issues. He's very politically correct and big on being nice even when it's forced, which I can appreciate except that he holds things in that bother him and resorts to making nasty comments under his breath about random things and over reacts to ridiculous things. He's terrified of confrontation.

We've had this discussion and I've told him to speak up, and the couple times he has his issues have been addressed. Maybe I don't agree but we discuss them. 

The nasty comments under his breath drive me crazy, they're cowardly and I don't respect it at all.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Who has them and how to you deal with the issue?


In the short time before deciding to divorce, I took the anger to the gym. Nothing was a more powerful motivator to hit it hard. And after the workout, my anger subsided, and I got great benefit out of it. Felt better too.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

vellocet said:


> In the short time before deciding to divorce, I took the anger to the gym. Nothing was a more powerful motivator to hit it hard. And after the workout, my anger subsided, and I got great benefit out of it. Felt better too.


Exercise is great for that. My runs seem to be a prime time for me to think about everything that's ever p!ssed me off, but when I'm done I feel better.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> When my marriage was in the crapper and my wife emotionally checked out, she handed me a laundry list of my faults. Some true, some BS, some fog-speak.
> 
> I ended up focusing myself on three areas listed that I felt I needed to work on. Anger was one of them. That was 8 years ago and today I rarely have any sort of outburst, shut down or fit. I never had any professional counseling with this issue just made it up as I went along.
> 
> ...


Congratulations. Conquering the ego is a great accomplishment.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Who has them and h*ow to you deal with the issue?*


In my case, I divorced him.

I could no longer live with someone who had unresolved anger issues stemming from childhood. He took them all out on me. I had NOTHING to do with any of it.

Divorce was extremely liberating from someone else's foul moods.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> Anger issues?!
> 
> 
> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE *FVCK* YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT *DUMBASS!*!


I think the Turtle gets A LOT of leeway from the mods...

He comes across as all cute and "bouncy"... but deep down I think he's really p*ssed off at the world... :rofl:


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Exercise is great for that. My runs seem to be a prime time for me to think about everything that's ever p!ssed me off, but when I'm done I feel better.


Exactly. And doesn't it seem like you have endless energy when working off your "I'm pissed"?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> In my case, I divorced him.
> 
> I could no longer live with someone who had unresolved anger issues stemming from childhood. He took them all out on me. I had NOTHING to do with any of it.
> 
> Divorce was extremely liberating from someone else's foul moods.


This is what I'm looking to nip in the bud before it becomes a foul mood. As of late just small things set me off. I can not pinpoint why.

I do have a high stress job. Throw in Christmas and a book of matches....


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I learned to build margin's in my life in time and money

Own my own stuff

Let others own theirs and not try to own it for them

Speak up directly to those who violate me sooner rather than later

Look for joy moments through out the day

Laugh intentionally

Ask for help when I need it sooner rather than later

Leaning on the Lord undercurrents it all

Accepted myself


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

If my H were here he would say...

He learned to look at his family as a gift

His job as a blessing

Has learned to engage his blessings in a constructive way instead of a destructive way

Let go of money issues

That's the best I can answer without him here

OH and let the little things go

And seeks me out in a spirit of understanding instead of judgement


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Who has them and how to you deal with the issue?


My husband does. I didn't start dealing iwth it until last winter, I guess I grew a pair. Last Sunday, while he kept yapping at me, I just told him I want divorce. He kept barking, I had to repeat it for him to hear it.

We had a very hard talk that evening. Agreed on the safe word when he starts getting out of control. For the first time in about ten years I feel 'cautiosly optimistic".


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> My husband does. I didn't start dealing iwth it until last winter, I guess I grew a pair. Last Sunday, while he kept yapping at me, I just told him I want divorce. He kept barking, I had to repeat it for him to hear it.
> 
> We had a very hard talk that evening. Agreed on the safe word when he starts getting out of control. For the first time in about ten years I feel 'cautiosly optimistic".


Him understanding he needs to be responsive to your boundaries is critical. Good for you WandaJ!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

In todays' world it's not a wonder we have anger issues. My bank card compromised today at the armpit store Walmart three hours from where I live. $400.00. Frigging thieves. Second time this has happened. Both times WalMart. They never check ID. Frustrating. The bank will get my money back. Its the principle.


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