# How to deal with guys approaching your girl in front of you



## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

Hello, 

You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
If you do nothing you are a *****, a doormat and insecure as well.

And I really don't get why these men even try at all, I am a big guy (6"4+) and pretty intimidating looking.
It seems like they just want to stir up **** in the relationship.

Some examples :

1)Sitting in a bar and our _*server*_ tries to ask my girl for her number, right in front of me, and it was very clear that we were together.
In this case I got agressive and called him some names. Went to the till to pay for our drinks and leave.
Owner of the bar asked how our experience was, I informed him of what happened.
He asked me which server it was and I pointed him out to him. Guy was fired instantly on the spot.

2) walking through downtown area and some guys are just standing there goofing around and when my girl and I pass they start cat-calling my girl.
in this case i solved it with humor and trying to emberras them
(I told them, Sorry guys, i'm taken, while pointing to my GF. They got real pissy with me, I just laughed and kept walking, my girl thought this was hilarious)


3) Another instance in a bar, guy approaches my girl while were are again clearly together and tells her she should be with him and why is she even with me.
Again, this time I got agressive and knocked the dude on his ass.
This caused problems with my girl because she thought I was being too agressive, but to me those are fightin words. You just don't do that and expect to get away with it.


I'm not insecure at all, and when guys approach her while we are not together it doesn't bother me because she's very attractive and I would try to shoot my shot.
How would you guys deal with this?
Ladies, how would you like to see your man handle this?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


My opinion, you’re doing exactly the right thing.

Someone approaches my wife with language and intention, they better be ready for my response.

I can see why your gf thinks knocking the guy on his ass was aggressive, but doing nothing is way worse. Physical violence is treading on thin ice and should be reserved for those rare occasions when there is no choice. But otherwise... Go you!

So...now... WTH? Is your gf putting off some kind of vibe to be approached like that right in front of you? That's some kind of weird!


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


 I am happy for you that your girl is so attractive ,
the first 2 examples you did right the third time your gf was right you went too far , I know you will get many saying you were right and the gf expects this but it is not a good way to react ,
but you need to talk to her and ask her how she wants this handled does she want to be the one that tells them that she is not interested


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You are handling yourself well, number three I would be in his face as well but not so sure I would snap like that though.

Who the hell is calling you insecure?


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> So...now... WTH? Is your gf putting off some kind of vibe to be approached like that right in front of you? That's some kind of weird!


It might sound shallow but she is an absolute bombshell, like even in a group of very pretty girls she still stands out, a "New York nine" if you will.
She also has a very friendly and approachable face, So I guess that is partly the reason.
She's a student and works in a coffeeshop, so many short interactions each shift. She regularly gets notes with telephone numbers as well.

She handles it well and always lets me know when these things happen.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Who the hell is calling you insecure?


the only one that can make him feel insecure is his gf 
by not showing him and the others he is her guy , 
a good way for to react to the third guy would be if she gave her guy a hot kiss 
it would do two things show the man she is not interested while at the same time reassure him


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> You are handling yourself well, number three I would be in his face as well but not so sure I would snap like that though.
> 
> Who the hell is calling you insecure?


Thanks, and no one is calling me insecure, just wanted to state that these reactions from me are not coming from insecurity. and that I am not jealous or controlling affecting my reactions.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> It might sound shallow but she is an absolute bombshell, like even in a group of very pretty girls she still stands out, a "New York nine" if you will.
> She also has a very friendly and approachable face, So I guess that is partly the reason.
> She's a student and works in a coffeeshop, so many short interactions each shift. She regularly gets notes with telephone numbers as well.
> 
> She handles it well and always lets me know when these things happen.


Well done, and know it will never stop.



frenchpaddy said:


> the only one that can make him feel insecure is his gf
> by not showing him and the others he is her guy ,
> *a good way for to react to the third guy would be if she gave her guy a hot kiss*
> it would do two things show the man she is not interested while at the same time reassure him


Good suggestion. With my ex there was a very stubborn orbiter once at her work place. We both agreed to give him one hell of a show.

While her orbiter was watching us make out and... other things, his mate was going "hurts doesn't it?" Hahahahaha


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Thanks, and no one is calling me insecure, just wanted to state that these reactions from me are not coming from insecurity. and that I am not jealous or controlling affecting my reactions.


I believe you. The only danger is that potentially, things may escalate physically. Hence @frenchpaddy 's suggestion is sound, your girlfriend stepping in will de-escalate it.

There really is no way around it and you are doing the right thing, you need to protect the ones you love. Many women, and hopefully your girlfriend, appreciates this in a man.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Go out with an ugly one?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr D knows that I am a strong lady and well able to stand up for myself. I would not EVER want him hitting someone in these situations partly because he could end up in jail for assault, and partly because I hate violence. It solves nothing. I would be mortified if he acted that way. 
I always think we should just ignore bad behavior. People hate that. Or laugh.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Mr D knows that I am a strong lady and well able to stand up for myself. I would not EVER want him hitting someone in these situations partly because he could end up in jail for assault, and partly because I hate violence. *It solves nothing.*
> I always think we should just ignore bad behavior. People hate that.


Only because we live in nanny states, because on the contrary... 😅


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> Go out with an ugly one?


No


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

In Absentia said:


> Go out with an ugly one?


I tried that before🤣 they are not issue free
but this girl i'm dating now has a lot of great qualities like she's Ambitious, Smart, Funny jada jada on top of being really hot.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> I tried that before🤣 they are not issue free
> but this girl i'm dating now has a lot of great qualities like she's Ambitious, Smart, Funny jada jada on top of being really hot.


It was a bit of a joke.  Unfortunately, good looks will attract lots of men. I'm surprised that people are behaving like that in Germany? I've been to Germany many times... never seen anything like that.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> It was a bit of a joke.  Unfortunately, good looks will attract lots of men. I'm surprised that people are behaving like that in Germany? I've been to Germany many times... never seen anything like that.


Yes agreed.

Normally an Alpha type will be overt and aggressive towards a girl if she's alone or with a 90lbs weakling who looks to be scared of his own shadow. OP's self-description would not be somebody you want to deliberately piss off. So the number of times this is happening...wow. She either has those bedroom eyes or OP is not the presence he claims. Probably the former, OP seems believable.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Maybe throw out a warning before throwing a punch?But sometimes actions speak louder than words. More than once I've had to say "hey look, I don't want any trouble"and then had to end it in another fashion. Luckily, not in a very long time lol.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Only because we live in nanny states, because on the contrary... 😅


It solves nothing honestly. Violence breeds more violence. People have died from one punch.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I'm a woman. You handled #1 and #2 well, more so #2 because it showed confidence. In my opinion, you blew it on #3 because you put your girl in danger. 

Unnecessary violence (which your situation falls under) is not sexy to a sane woman. Clean up of the consequences is more of a headache than whatever small victory your pride experienced. Sane women understand this. It sounds like you have a beautiful and sane girlfriend if she got mad at you for getting violent. 

Gorgeous girlfriends are great but they come with a big price tag. You'll need to learn to keep your cool or you're going to end up in jail or sued.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

I not a big guy, 5ft 6ins tall of average build.
Back in the Jurassic period when I was 19 years old I managed to get a date with a girl (same age) who worked in the same factory I worked.
We arranged to meet in a pub and when she turned up this girl looked hot. She had long blond hair, a fantastic body and wore a mini shirt. 
At first I couldn`t believe my luck that a girl like her would date me.
Then as the evening progressed guys began hitting on her and the worse part is that she was lapping up all the attention and even flirting back with them.
After a few hours I`d had enough and called it a night. I didn`t bother dating her again.


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

In Absentia said:


> It was a bit of a joke.  Unfortunately, good looks will attract lots of men. I'm surprised that people are behaving like that in Germany? I've been to Germany many times... never seen anything like that.


I also almost never hear of this type of behaviour, maybe once or twice from friends. and never happened to me before this relationship. It's really baffling how much it's happening in my current relationship, I have more examples of this happening beside the 3 in the opening post.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> I also almost never hear of this type of behaviour, maybe once or twice from friends. and never happened to me before this relationship. It's really baffling how much it's happening in my current relationship, I have more examples of this happening beside the 3 in the opening post.


So, you are saying that you have too many instances of this behaviour to be a coincidence? Very odd indeed.


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

Lila said:


> I'm a woman. You handled #1 and #2 well, more so #2 because it showed confidence. In my opinion, you blew it on #3 because you put your girl in danger.
> 
> Unnecessary violence (which your situation falls under) is not sexy to a sane woman. Clean up of the consequences is more of a headache than whatever small victory your pride experienced. Sane women understand this. It sounds like you have a beautiful and sane girlfriend if she got mad at you for getting violent.
> 
> Gorgeous girlfriends are great but they come with a big price tag. You'll need to learn to keep your cool or you're going to end up in jail or sued.


Thank you for your reply Lila. And it's clear to me that i need to not let it get to me personally and let it go. But it really feels like the ultimate disrespect to approach a girl in front of her man like that.
But these are strangers and I should not expect loyalty from them, So i think you are right.

Luckily I don't live in a country where getting sued is a concern


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Yes agreed.
> 
> Normally an Alpha type will be overt and aggressive towards a girl if she's alone or with a 90lbs weakling who looks to be scared of his own shadow. OP's self-description would not be somebody you want to deliberately piss off. So the number of times this is happening...wow. She either has those bedroom eyes or OP is not the presence he claims. Probably the former, OP seems believable.


Well, I'm not a 6'4 guy but from my experience some people just do that, they can be retarded or on drugs or something who the hell knows.

I had a guy come up straight up to my table and I was poised to strike but he walked away at the last moment, but continued to stare at us. We removed ourselves from the situation but he began following us from a distance. Eventually he buggered off and hell this was at the shops.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

True story:
back in my younger days I worked with a guy, he was in his early 30s and he had an evening job as a bouncer for a night club, so he was a fit big guy.
He began a sideline business, for a fee of £200 if a guy was out with a girl and wanted to impress the girl my co-worker would approach the couple and deliberately hit on the girl. Then he let the guy she was with beat him up.
It was all staged. At first he would do a rehearsal with the guy show him how to make it look real and convincing.
I remember he made a lot of money out of this.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Well, I'm not a 6'4 guy but from my experience some people just do that, they can be retarded or on drugs or something who the hell knows.
> 
> I had a guy come up straight up to my table and I was poised to strike but he walked away at the last moment, but continued to stare at us. We removed ourselves from the situation but he began following us from a distance. Eventually he buggered off and hell this was at the shops.


I guess I'm just old and not up to speed on the new normal. Or maybe I've never been around hot chicks 🤣


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

She’s so used to this type of attention that she can’t live without it. She’s a trophy, knows it, and let’s you know it every chance she gets. See if she’s encouraging it by making eye contact with these guys.

She lets you know when guys slip her their number or ask her out for a different reason than simple disclosure. She’s reaffirming that she’s the prize.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I guess I'm just old and not up to speed on the new normal. Or maybe I've never been around hot chicks 🤣


Or maybe you are just scarier than me or OP who knows lol

Especially if you're carrying that sword around 😅


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

What you are doing is the right thing to do. This is not about defending your honour or your girlfriend - it is about dealing with the disrespect they are showing. Disrespect needs to be dealt with because it severely lacking in our world today.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I guess I am just lucky because I have never had this happen to me. But it would be very interesting for the guy brave enough to try.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> It was a bit of a joke.  Unfortunately, good looks will attract lots of men. I'm surprised that people are behaving like that in Germany? I've been to Germany many times... never seen anything like that.





PossibleRedFlags said:


> I also almost never hear of this type of behaviour, maybe once or twice from friends. and never happened to me before this relationship. It's really baffling how much it's happening in my current relationship, I have more examples of this happening beside the 3 in the opening post.


you get this a lot in france , we now have a new law against it but does not stop it


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Thank you for your reply Lila. And it's clear to me that i need to not let it get to me personally and let it go. But it really feels like the ultimate disrespect to approach a girl in front of her man like that.
> But these are strangers and I should not expect loyalty from them, So i think you are right.
> 
> Luckily I don't live in a country where getting sued is a concern


Sometimes it's best to let your girlfriend handle it and this doesn't mean she has to fight the fight. 

My sister is very beautiful. She told me about a similar incident she had with one of her ex boyfriends. Instead of getting angry he sat back in his chair, and as confident as a king on his thrown, with his sexiest, wickedest smile, he looks straight at my sister and asks "baby why do you stay with me?". She literally shooed the other guy away. He didn't have to do anything.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> you get this a lot in france , we now have a new law against it but does not stop it


I wonder what’s different about France and Germany in the last decade or so? 🤔


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

gameopoly5 said:


> I not a big guy, 5ft 6ins tall of average build.
> Back in the Jurassic period when I was 19 years old I managed to get a date with a girl (same age) who worked in the same factory I worked.
> We arranged to meet in a pub and when she turned up this girl looked hot. She had long blond hair, a fantastic body and wore a mini shirt.
> At first I couldn`t believe my luck that a girl like her would date me.
> ...


Very wise.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)




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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@PossibleRedFlags The level of disrespect by all those men is ridiculous. They obviously think your GF is beautiful, but they must also think she is a shallow POS with no character to think they could pick her up right in front of you. I think you showed incredible restraint for the most part. You handled 1 and 2 perfectly IMO. As you already know, 3 went sideways. Intimidate, but don't initiate violence. Just be prepared to defend yourself if needed. Don't get yourself thrown in jail or in a hospital over these worthless pieces of garbage. That is what they are, absolute garbage. 

What was your GF's reaction to these come-ons? Did she say anything to the men or did you step in before she had a chance? I thought you handled scenario 2 in an excellent way, but it would have been perfect if it was your GF that said "sorry boys, he's taken already" as she gave you a big kiss.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


>


YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!!!!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


Sounds like you're doing pretty good.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

I just let my wife handle it. She seems to do just fine zeroing in on some insecurity they have and getting them to slump away.

I can only think of one time where I finally looked at the dude's friends and said "man, he's not getting it. She's not telling you to try harder. It's not gonna happen. Go find someone else, guys. Shoo, go away."


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Sounds like you're doing pretty good.


The many smiling faces of those who hit on Mrs Conan, some still have their teeth intact:


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

@PossibleRedFlags 

Mate, if I was there and even without knowing you I would stood your side and went ahead and tagged along with the fight. 

but my concern, are you taking this relationship with your GF series? I would;ve expected she would stop these guys by saying something. I understand she likes being flirty and all, but there is a limit. you cant do all the work yourself. this is concerning. what would she do if she was by herself and or girls night out then?

I would keep a close eye on her


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

A guy that hits on your GF, fiancé, wife in front of you is looking for trouble, Nine times out of ten I'd say they're looking for a fight. I'd almost say that the guy didn't choose to hit on your woman, he chose to pick a fight with YOU.


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> @PossibleRedFlags The level of disrespect by all those men is ridiculous. They obviously think your GF is beautiful, but they must also think she is a shallow POS with no character to think they could pick her up right in front of you. I think you showed incredible restraint for the most part. You handled 1 and 2 perfectly IMO. As you already know, 3 went sideways. Intimidate, but don't initiate violence. Just be prepared to defend yourself if needed. Don't get yourself thrown in jail or in a hospital over these worthless pieces of garbage. That is what they are, absolute garbage.
> 
> What was your GF's reaction to these come-ons? Did she say anything to the men or did you step in before she had a chance? I thought you handled scenario 2 in an excellent way, but it would have been perfect if it was your GF that said "sorry boys, he's taken already" as she gave you a big kiss.


She handles it pretty well, She lets them know she's not interested because she's in a relationship.
At instance 3 I kind of got annoyed, it felt that she was taking his side, but I see now that i have over reacted, and exactly like i stated in my OP, it comes across as insecure, like i feel they are a threat to my relationship, while they are not.

The only disagreement we had was about the telephone numbers on notes she gets handed at work.
She would actually send the guys a message to inform them that she was not interested. She said it takes a lot of guts to hand someone your phone number like that (I disagree) and she wants to "let them down easy". I think that's just naivity on her part, but I can kind of see that she wants to get it over with because many of these guys frequent her coffeeshop and she hates akwardness.
I requested that she don't do that anymore since we are in a relationship and the only thing it accomplishes is that the guy now has her number.
So far no problem with that anymore.

by the way, i think asking someone out by handing them your phone number written down is the most "gutless" way to go about it. Straight up asking it out loud takes guts.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


Yah I think your handling of these situations was all appropriate given the situations. If a guy approaches my wife with me right there thats one thing and will illicit an more aggressive response. If it's a situation were the guy didn't likely know she was there with someone (like she's at one side of a bar while I'm off getting us drinks) my response will be less aggressive/angry. I look at it as yah I would hit on her too if I saw her standing at in bar alone so I don't get angry with a guy for that. Making fun of cat callers is actually something my wife and I get quite the kick out of always entertaining.


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

blackclover3 said:


> @PossibleRedFlags
> 
> Mate, if I was there and even without knowing you I would stood your side and went ahead and tagged along with the fight.
> 
> ...


Thanks, But i am going to change my way and not get aggresive anymore and will let her deal with it from now on.
She always lets them know, but i am (was) always quick to react, even before she had a chance to say something.



Captain Obvious said:


> A guy that hits on your GF, fiancé, wife in front of you is looking for trouble, Nine times out of ten I'd say they're looking for a fight. I'd almost say that the guy didn't choose to hit on your woman, he chose to pick a fight with YOU.


That's what i felt it was about too. Hoping it causes a fight in our relationship maybe too.



happyhusband0005 said:


> Yah I think your handling of these situations was all appropriate given the situations. If a guy approaches my wife with me right there thats one thing and will illicit an more aggressive response. If it's a situation were the guy didn't likely know she was there with someone (like she's at one side of a bar while I'm off getting us drinks) my response will be less aggressive/angry. I look at it as yah I would hit on her too if I saw her standing at in bar alone so I don't get angry with a guy for that. Making fun of cat callers is actually something my wife and I get quite the kick out of always entertaining.


Can't believe the swiftness with which i thought of that reply to the cat-callers, I was pretty drunk at the time and it came out so swiftly, pure gold.
Please feel free to use it for yourself


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> She handles it pretty well, She lets them know she's not interested because she's in a relationship.
> At instance 3 I kind of got annoyed, *it felt that she was taking his side*


Hmmm.... 

"3) Another instance in a bar, guy approaches my girl while were are again clearly together and tells her she should be with him and why is she even with me."

Why did you feel like she was taking his side?



> The only disagreement we had was about the telephone numbers on notes she gets handed at work.
> She would actually send the guys a message to inform them that she was not interested. She said it takes a lot of guts to hand someone your phone number like that (I disagree) and she wants to "let them down easy". I think that's just naivity on her part, but I can kind of see that she wants to get it over with because many of these guys frequent her coffeeshop and she hates akwardness.
> I requested that she don't do that anymore since we are in a relationship and the only thing it accomplishes is that the guy now has her number.
> So far no problem with that anymore.


I had a fight with my ex over something similar, I forgot what it was. Several years ago now, but this one guy made up a stupid story and managed to get her number and I was like how fking stupid can you get? 

Honestly, I don't really believe her excuses to this day. 9s are serious work mate. It's just how it is.



> by the way, i think asking someone out by handing them your phone number written down is the most "gutless" way to go about it. Straight up asking it out loud takes guts.


Funny because that's how I got my ex, I wrote a love note with my number on it. I wanted to ask her out but it was simply impossible to have a conversation when she's working lol.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Thanks, But i am going to change my way and not get aggresive anymore and will let her deal with it from now on.
> She always lets them know, but i am (was) always quick to react, even before she had a chance to say something.
> 
> 
> ...


Here in Middle America, the movie Road House with the late great Patrick Swayze is required viewing. Just remember what his character Dalton says, some of the greatest wisdom ever put to film. "I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice." You'll know when it's time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@PossibleRedFlags Curious too, your thoughts when you typed your user name.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> My opinion, you’re doing exactly the right thing.
> 
> Someone approaches my wife with language and intention, they better be ready for my response.
> 
> ...


Yes, the vibe.
So, the case.

Two vibes are present, hers (foremost) and yours (secondary).

_Hers is exceedingly powerful,_ it makes guys take enormous risks.
And, rash men like this do exist.
Those Martian men who fear.....nothing.

Your GF is a subliminal, off-gassing, psychic Siren, drawing men to the shore where their ships are sunk, by being met by a big dude with rocks as fists.

I see her Mars paired with Venus, maybe rising, maybe 5th house, (this, just a best guess).

In your case?
Let me tweak a narrative.

You have a tendency of having, and experiencing, open enemies.
You are that aural magnet for other aggressive men. 
You draw them in, it appears your fate.

It does exist, that 7th House adversity, maybe, adding in a 1st house anomaly that you may have. 

If you are alone, or with friends, these other dudes are less interested in clashing with you, close up.
With this lady at your side, many men would experience the same outcome.

Question-
You are six foot four, are you tall and lean, maybe thin?
Skinny men are less feared, for whatever reason.


Another aside...
Your girl may have picked you for protection, appreciating your size.
I am sure she also has feeling for you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

gameopoly5 said:


> I not a big guy, 5ft 6ins tall of average build.
> Back in the Jurassic period when I was 19 years old I managed to get a date with a girl (same age) who worked in the same factory I worked.
> We arranged to meet in a pub and when she turned up this girl looked hot. She had long blond hair, a fantastic body and wore a mini shirt.
> At first I couldn`t believe my luck that a girl like her would date me.
> ...


Uh, you were the ride to the circus, to the runway show.
With her as the strutting star.

You fed her drinks and chow. 
She likes appetizers, but prefers the beef.

My bet, she does this often with odd men.
She loves the attention, men hovering all about her.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm....
> 
> "3) Another instance in a bar, guy approaches my girl while were are again clearly together and tells her she should be with him and why is she even with me."
> 
> Why did you feel like she was taking his side?


Pretty sure he means it felt like she took his side after he knocked the guy on his ass and she gave him a hard time for reacting so aggressively.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


Lady here: My boyfriend doesn't have to handle a situation like this at all... I don't ever allow myself to go that far with someone. We sometimes meet at our favorite bar, I bring my earbuds to listen to music and play pool on my phone... sit and wait on him. This one night, though, I did have a guy next to me (2 seats over) try to talk to me. Classic line, haven't I seen you before? Nope... oh you don't work next door (another bar), nope.. Isn't your name Ashley?? Nope. I went back to hit play on my music, soon after he came in (the bartenders, all girls, know us there.. so they know if I'm alone, he's soon behind me). I told him what happened and we just laughed, ordered our usual, chatted, ate and went on our way. 

Heck, we may end up there tonight...


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Works said:


> Lady here: My boyfriend doesn't have to handle a situation like this at all... I don't ever allow myself to go that far with someone. We sometimes meet at our favorite bar, I bring my earbuds to listen to music and play pool on my phone... sit and wait on him. This one night, though, I did have a guy next to me (2 seats over) try to talk to me. Classic line, haven't I seen you before? Nope... oh you don't work next door (another bar), nope.. Isn't your name Ashley?? Nope. I went back to hit play on my music, soon after he came in (the bartenders, all girls, know us there.. so they know if I'm alone, he's soon behind me). I told him what happened and we just laughed, ordered our usual, chatted, ate and went on our way.
> 
> Heck, we may end up there tonight...


What would have happened if that guy did that while your BF was there? What if your waiter asked for your number while you ate with your BF? That is what has happened to OP. I bet your BF would have a reaction to those events too.


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm....
> 
> "3) Another instance in a bar, guy approaches my girl while were are again clearly together and tells her she should be with him and why is she even with me."
> 
> Why did you feel like she was taking his side?


I meant, after i hit the dude it felt like she was taking his side by getting annoyed with me, And in my head I was like "dude just hit on you in front of me' you should understand that i hit him.



RandomDude said:


> @PossibleRedFlags Curious too, your thoughts when you typed your user name.


Mostly just a username, but there are some things from her previous relationship that sound like possible red flags to me. Story for another time I guess. 
Will probably post about it someday soon


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> I meant, after i hit the dude it felt like she was taking his side by getting annoyed with me, And in my head I was like "dude just hit on you in front of me' you should understand that i hit him.


Ah, I see.



> Mostly just a username, but there are some things from her previous relationship that sound like possible red flags to me. Story for another time I guess.
> Will probably post about it someday soon


Are they relevant or potentially relevant to what we are discussing?


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> What would have happened if that guy did that while your BF was there? What if your waiter asked for your number while you ate with your BF? That is what has happened to OP. I bet your BF would have a reaction to those events too.


Hard to say because it's never happened... only thing that did once, were guys next to me being loud and knocking my seat.. He did get a bit loud with them after I asked them nicely to stop and they had continued.

But I do understand where you're coming from.


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

SunCMars said:


> Question-
> You are six foot four, are you tall and lean, maybe thin?
> Skinny men are less feared, for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


Yes i'm tall and somewhat lean, not skinny. I have a beard and a pretty sullen face (is that the correct word?) People often tell me I have an angry look (can't help it lol)
She's crazy about me, she tells me all the time and I believe her.



BigDaddyNY said:


> Pretty sure he means it felt like she took his side after he knocked the guy on his ass and she gave him a hard time for reacting so aggressively.


Exactly what I meant!


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> Ah, I see.
> 
> 
> 
> Are they relevant or potentially relevant to what we are discussing?


Not in my opinion, As this was never about her possibly cheating, But I can explain quickly.
She had a relationship before ours that was toxic and they both cheated on each other (he first, she on reaction). Which is not a possible red flag, but a complete red flag.
_However,_ the cicumstances do soften the load on this one in my opinion as she was also much younger, the guy was a complete jackass and cheated first.
I don't make illusions and know that if someone can do it once, they can do it twice, but nothing of this sort has ever been close to being a problem in our relationship.

She's never protective of her phone, no secrecy, I never had a gut feeling something was up and I like to think i'm pretty aware of such situations, There are no male friends (or orbiters) she hangs out with, and she's good at setting boundries with guys that do try.

Some possible red flags; The fact that she used to message the guys who handed her notes to let them down. (pretty much solved)

And a strange one, she's VERY meticulous, Which isn't a red flag, but IF she ever wants to hide anything, she would be very good at it.
For instance, we are very open with each other, can discuss everything calmly and resolve everyting in a mature way. Part of the reason this relationship seems to work so well is because we seem to fight in the same way (we rarely have "fights")
We sometimes watch porn together, and she also does on her own, We also share with each other what we watch, so there is no need to hide anything but she deletes her porn history every time she watches. I have asked her why and she's afraid someone else would see it (she uses the laptop for university too) which is fully understandable, but her meticulousness was noticable.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> it felt that she was taking his side


often looks that way you end up looking like a hothead , he while acting like a soccer player rolling around on the floor looking for her to help him up 


PossibleRedFlags said:


> She would actually send the guys a message to inform them that she was not interested. She said it takes a lot of guts to hand someone your phone number like that (I disagree) and she wants to "let them down easy". I think that's just naivity on her part, but I can kind of see that she wants to get it over with because many of these guys frequent her coffeeshop and she hates akwardness.
> I requested that she don't do that anymore since we are in a relationship and the only thing it accomplishes is that the guy now has her number.
> So far no problem with that anymore.


this looks stupid thing to do but I think you said she is Smart which if she is she is playing with fire 
it looks like she likes to make you work for and uses these guys to keep you on your toes 
make you work for her 

But this could back fire as men that have not a jealous bone in their body can turn and become so and it does their head in , 
she seems to be manipulating you a bit 


PossibleRedFlags said:


> i think asking someone out by handing them your phone number written down is the most "gutless" way to go about it. Straight up asking it out loud takes guts.


yes this is a thing that some men do all the time they do it for some reasons and you are right it is a gutless thing to do ,you even get this with guys /players that 
go after women that are taken for many reasons like they just out for quick sex wham bang and gone again 
they do it to build their one ego and once they get her they go , 
very few are the type that will stay around , 
some even have cards to hand out and others have hand written noats to make them look good guys but they hand out notes to 10 women in one night


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Not in my opinion, As this was never about her possibly cheating, But I can explain quickly.
> She had a relationship before ours that was toxic and they both cheated on each other (he first, she on reaction). Which is not a possible red flag, but a complete red flag.
> _However,_ the cicumstances do soften the load on this one in my opinion as she was also much younger, the guy was a complete jackass and cheated first.
> I don't make illusions and know that if someone can do it once, they can do it twice, but nothing of this sort has ever been close to being a problem in our relationship.
> ...


Hmmm you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, how old are you guys? How old was she when she cheated?

Personally I would reduce her to girlfriend level if I was thinking wife material before but that's just me. This is something we all have to decide for ourselves.

It seems you guys have a lot going for you. Just have a cooler head in situation 3 and you will be fine. Try to act, not react. Stay cool, calm and collected.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

frenchpaddy said:


> others have hand written noats to make them look good guys but they hand out notes to 10 women in one night


Well, it works 😅 
Maybe I should hand them out to 10 women a night, I haven't tried that.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> I'm not insecure at all, and when guys approach her while we are not together it doesn't bother me because she's very attractive and I would try to shoot my shot.


So, she tells you when guys approach her when you're not together? Why? 
If a man hits on me when I'm not with my husband, it means nothing to me and I don't bother to tell hubby about it. Most of the women I know do the same. The only women I've known to do this are ones who want to make their boyfriend/husband jealous. 

All women get hit on. It's really not anything to write home about.

I don't think you are insecure, but your girlfriend might be. Because why else does she need to tell you about getting hit on? To remind you that she's attractive and wanted by other men? I'm not saying your girlfriend is a bad person, I'm sure she's lovely, but I think she might be a little insecure as well as a little immature.


PossibleRedFlags said:


> She handles it pretty well, She lets them know she's not interested* because she's in a relationship*.


How about she tell them that she's not interested in them, period? Like, she wouldn't go out with them if they were the last man on earth type of answer? To say she's not interested because she's in a relationship means she would be interested if she was not in a relationship. 

She can mention she's in a relationship, but to give that reason alone likely doesn't make the guy give up right away and probably appears as a challenge he doesn't mind taking. 

One time I simply said "I'm married" when a man hit on me. His answer was, "do you want to stay married?" That's when I learned that answer alone may not instantly get rid of a man who's hitting on me.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Maybe I should hand them out to 10 women a night, I haven't tried that.


i think most girls know the guys that do this or the guys that hit on every girl on Facebook or other media or the guys that do the rounds in a club


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> So, she tells you when guys approach her when you're not together? Why?
> If a man hits on me when I'm not with my husband, it means nothing to me and I don't bother to tell hubby about it. Most of the women I know do the same. The only women I've known to do this are ones who want to make their boyfriend/husband jealous.
> 
> All women get hit on. It's really not anything to write home about.
> ...


yes it is the oldest trick ever keeping him on his toes or I can EASY GET OTHERS 
she is playing him


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> One time I simply said "I'm married"


these slime can even say "So am I 
we need not tell your husband "

These type guys are from the bottom of the pool


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

so_sweet said:


> So, she tells you when guys approach her when you're not together? Why?
> If a man hits on me when I'm not with my husband, it means nothing to me and I don't bother to tell hubby about it. Most of the women I know do the same. The only women I've known to do this are ones who want to make their boyfriend/husband jealous.
> 
> All women get hit on. It's really not anything to write home about.
> ...


I do have the same suspicions of my ex to this day. Like sure, she was a 9, but that's a lot of ****ing attention. My ex had a cheerleader body in her prime though so 🤷‍♂️

Some of the stuff men do are quite interesting too, actually I even asked from time to time. After a while it was the same stories and I just got used to the fact everyone wanted to bone her.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

so_sweet said:


> So, she tells you when guys approach her when you're not together? Why?
> If a man hits on me when I'm not with my husband, it means nothing to me and I don't bother to tell hubby about it. Most of the women I know do the same. The only women I've known to do this are ones who want to make their boyfriend/husband jealous.
> 
> All women get hit on. It's really not anything to write home about.
> ...



This ^^^^^, all the way.

I'm female and would never do this stuff. To me, mentioning that a man hit on me would be introducing unnecessary drama into the relationship, potential conflict. There is no upside to it other than her getting off on the ego boost. It's a form of bragging which is immature and unattractive and, to me, shows a lack of respect for her partners feelings. The only way I'd mention anything of the sort would be if the man had made me uncomfortable and I knew I would be around him again.

And stating she's not interested because she's already in a relationship is weak as hell. If it had been me, I'd have told the guy my interest was at level zero and to scooch on out of here.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

frenchpaddy said:


> i think most girls know the guys that do this or the guys that hit on every girl on Facebook or other media or the guys that do the rounds in a club


I was the third note she received on the day I gave her mine 😅 
Then she texted me and I waited until the next day to text her back, which she got annoyed at me for later lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not said:


> This ^^^^^, all the way.
> 
> I'm female and would never do this stuff. To me, mentioning that a man hit on me would be introducing unnecessary drama into the relationship, potential conflict. There is no upside to it other than her getting off on the ego boost. It's a form of bragging which is immature and unattractive and, to me, shows a lack of respect for her partners feelings. *The only way I'd mention anything of the sort would be if the man had made me uncomfortable and I knew I would be around him again.*
> 
> And stating she's not interested because she's already in a relationship is weak as hell. If it had been me, I'd have told the guy my interest was at level zero and to scooch on out of here.


Well, that is pretty much my exs' stories, as they happen when she's at work etc, that's how I know when to take action like that very stubborn orbiter, or to leave them as her usual stock beta admirers.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> I was the third note she received on the day I gave her mine 😅
> Then she texted me and I waited until the next day to text her back, which she got annoyed at me for later lol


and I thought you are the type that women give notes to ,


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think you did just fine but I have to say that maybe want to pick women who will also stand up for themselves in those situations. Also have you ever noticed in your past relationships the same thing happening or is it mostly with this same woman? I mean if she sees them staring at her she should be rolling her eyes or just immediately looking away and certainly not smiling and encouraging it. 

And she could be cutting them down verbally whenever they actually are so rude as to make the play right in front of you. I have to say I'm a woman and that's what I would have been doing. I would have been frowning and saying, "Really? What's the matter with you?"


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

frenchpaddy said:


> and I thought you are the type that women give notes to ,


Sure, opportunities come to me but it doesn't mean I don't make opportunities of my own


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> I am happy for you that your girl is so attractive ,
> the first 2 examples you did right the third time your gf was right you went too far , I know you will get many saying you were right and the gf expects this but it is not a good way to react ,
> but you need to talk to her and ask her how she wants this handled does she want to be the one that tells them that she is not interested


Ask her what she is going to do about it. Ask her what she does about it when you're not with her.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Sure, opportunities come to me but it doesn't mean I don't make opportunities of my own


as long as you don't hand one out to a queen


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> It solves nothing honestly. Violence breeds more violence. People have died from one punch.


Well plus women are really afraid of violent guys and it could be a total deal breaker seeing how violent aggressive they could get, although I have to say dudes like that richly deserve it. But I would try other measures like seeing if they would have him bounced out of there.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> So, she tells you when guys approach her when you're not together? Why?
> If a man hits on me when I'm not with my husband, it means nothing to me and I don't bother to tell hubby about it. Most of the women I know do the same. The only women I've known to do this are ones who want to make their boyfriend/husband jealous.


 Agree. I've been hit on, I'm not telling my husband about it. Likewise, he probably gets women who try to flirt with him, too. We trust each other to just accept it for what it is, a compliment, and move on. 



> All women get hit on. It's really not anything to write home about.


 lol Yep.



> I don't think you are insecure, but your girlfriend might be. Because why else does she need to tell you about getting hit on? To remind you that she's attractive and wanted by other men? I'm not saying your girlfriend is a bad person, I'm sure she's lovely, but I think she might be a little insecure as well as a little immature.
> 
> How about she tell them that she's not interested in them, period? Like, she wouldn't go out with them if they were the last man on earth type of answer? To say she's not interested because she's in a relationship means she would be interested if she was not in a relationship.
> 
> ...


Excellent advice!


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I actually would have totally messed with the guys head and annoyed the **** out of him.

Guy: Hey, what's up baby?
Me: So, describe for all us present what that feels like.
Guy: What what feels like?
Me: You approaching a woman who's clearly taken and doing so while her man is right there. What's that feel like? I'm super curious.
Guy: WTF
Me: I know right lol?? Do you feel like an ass at all? Because I would feel like an ass. But for you it must be more like a death wish type of thing? Are you feeling the adrenaline now? Are you getting pumped? Are you sweating?
Guy: walks away
Me: Wait come back! I want to talk to you some more! You're super interesting lol!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Mostly, I'd watch what happens. My wife would handle them; she is intensely loyal to me, and more than capable of handling them. If I stepped in right away, things would probably escalate, especially if the guy is aggressively drunk and looking for a fight. She would shut them down; gently if they're just clueless, but assertively otherwise. If they persisted, or tried to touch her, they'd be on the ground, incapacitated. She's a second degree black belt in aikido. I'm a lesser belt, but also in tae kwon do. I would only step in if things escalate or there's more than one jerk who won't leave.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well plus women are really afraid of violent guys and it could be a total deal breaker seeing how violent aggressive they could get, although I have to say dudes like that richly deserve it. But I would try other measures like seeing if they would have him bounced out of there.


Possible yes, but I dunno, I talked about very violent stuff with my ex, we were both sociopathic in this lol 😅

Then again, she did know how to de-escalate. Actually once we were at the shops, it was WE who were fighting then some c----t said something to us and because I was already in a messed up mood, I turned around and was going to start something my ex just took my hand and led me away and his partner took his as well and broke it off. My priority was still her so I followed. This wasn't a jealousy thing, just some ****head wanted to ****ing go.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@PossibleRedFlags let me tell you something that you need to understand. 
Every beautiful woman learns at a young age how to deflect unwanted attention. If your girlfriend isn’t making it clear to these guys that she’s not interested then you have a problem. 
And the problem is her, she is interested.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She should be leaving those notes they're handing her on the counter where they left them. She certainly shouldn't be replying to them so it's pretty obvious to me that there are some of them she might be interested in in the future. I'm afraid she's just encouraging this and I bet she's doing it under the guise of being too nice to reject someone, which is quite a popular tactic with both men and women. It's the no-fault route. It's BS.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> She should be leaving those notes they're handing her on the counter where they left them. She certainly shouldn't be replying to them so it's pretty obvious to me that there are some of them she might be interested in in the future. I'm afraid she's just encouraging this and I bet she's doing it under the guise of being too nice to reject someone, which is quite a popular tactic with both men and women. It's the no-fault route. It's BS.


Yes and oh, whoops, now he has my phone number.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Andy1001 said:


> @PossibleRedFlags let me tell you something that you need to understand.
> Every beautiful woman learns at a young age how to deflect unwanted attention. If your girlfriend isn’t making it clear to these guys that she’s not interested then you have a problem.
> And the problem is her, she is interested.


Sometimes I wonder if any man has ever had a happily ever after with a 9


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Possible yes, but I dunno, I talked about very violent stuff with my ex, we were both sociopathic in this lol 😅
> 
> Then again, she did know how to de-escalate. Actually once we were at the shops, it was WE who were fighting then some c----t said something to us and because I was already in a messed up mood, I turned around and was going to start something my ex just took my hand and led me away and his partner took his as well and broke it off. My priority was still her so I followed. This wasn't a jealousy thing, just some sh-thead wanted to fking go.


Well there are violent women but of course a violent man and a violent woman or either or are going to end up in a violent relationship so that's a big no.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Not said:


> Yes and oh, whoops, now he has my phone number.


That's how I'm seeing it.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes I wonder if any man has ever had a happily ever after with a 9


It has nothing to do with looks. Character, integrity and respect.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well there are violent women but *of course a violent man and a violent woman or either or are going to end up in a violent relationship so that's a big no.*


We never did. And we were/are law abiding citizens, well, me mostly... sort of. 

We just understood each other's sadism, part of what I do find missing in most women (and thankfully so - for the vast majority of men)


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I'm sorry OP but it comes off to me like she's gaslighting you with the phone number thing. Combine that with the bragging and you've got a messed up princess on your hands.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

@PossibleRedFlags - what's her activity like on social media? What types of pics does she post of herself? That too can tell you a lot about her need for male attention, beyond what you give to her.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> She handles it well and always lets me know when these things happen.


How does she "Handle it well," and more specifically, and while it may be nice that she has the reporting function down. what does she do to shut things like this down?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not said:


> It has nothing to do with looks. Character, integrity and respect.


Sure, but one's circumstances (hence level of desirability and attractiveness) does shape one's character. I would be lying if I said it hasn't shaped mine. I am human after all.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Not in my opinion, As this was never about her possibly cheating, But I can explain quickly.
> She had a relationship before ours that was toxic and they both cheated on each other (he first, she on reaction). Which is not a possible red flag, but a complete red flag.
> _However,_ the cicumstances do soften the load on this one in my opinion as she was also much younger, the guy was a complete jackass and cheated first.
> I don't make illusions and know that if someone can do it once, they can do it twice, but nothing of this sort has ever been close to being a problem in our relationship.
> ...


Sounds like a keeper so far.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Sure, but one's circumstances (hence level of desirability and attractiveness) does shape one's character. I would be lying if I said it hasn't shaped mine. I am human after all.


I call BS. We're all responsible for our own behavior and for learning how to recognize behaviors within ourselves that are damaging. I personally know "beautiful" men and woman and they are nothing like that.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Lila said:


> I'm a woman. You handled #1 and #2 well, more so #2 because it showed confidence. In my opinion, you blew it on #3 because you put your girl in danger.
> 
> Unnecessary violence (which your situation falls under) is not sexy to a sane woman. Clean up of the consequences is more of a headache than whatever small victory your pride experienced. Sane women understand this. It sounds like you have a beautiful and sane girlfriend if she got mad at you for getting violent.
> 
> Gorgeous girlfriends are great but they come with a big price tag. You'll need to learn to keep your cool or you're going to end up in jail or sued.


What you need to understand about a situation like #3 for him is when a guy has been in enough situations like this we know that a fight is coming even if we don't want it. And the outcome is highly determined most of the time by who acts first, thats a simple fact of a street fight. Here's an example.

Guy comes up and hits on your wife in front of you.
Wife tells him to get lost.
Guy keeps being an ass and maybe even more aggressive towards her.
You tell the guy to take a hike.
Guy keeps being an ass. At this point we can tell he is not going away unless you get much more aggressive and draw attention of bouncers/bartender/his more sober buddies etc. or just 

With these types of trouble makers there is a big risk to turning your back on them, you can't just walk out of the bar because you have to pay your tab so it is just a situation you didn't ask for that now you have to deal with. Getting in a face to face stare down chest bumping standoff leaves you vulnerable to one of his buddies jumping on you, he could grab a weapon there's endless dangers. So sometimes you have to be the first to throw a punch or better yet take the guy down and pin him to the ground until someone comes to break it up. In my experience in a street fight usually the first person to land a hard blow wins the fight it's best to be in control the reactive and it's best to end it very fast. It's just a situation fraught with multiple potential dangers. 

Sometimes women in these situations need to stay out of it and trust her man is reading the situation for what it is correctly. Avoiding violence is obviously the best thing, sometimes we know it is not an option and controlling the outcome is priority #1. Walking away is good if possible, sometimes walking away just means you get jumped from behind. If a physical altercation breaks out the best thing the lady can do is get out of the way so he doesn't have to worry about you, the worst thing you can do it start trying to pull him away, you're basically helping his opponent. 

All that being said avoiding violence is obviously the best path when possible.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> What you need to understand about a situation like #3 for him is when a guy has been in enough situations like this we know that a fight is coming even if we don't want it. And the outcome is highly determined most of the time by who acts first, thats a simple fact of a street fight. Here's an example.
> 
> Guy comes up and hits on your wife in front of you.
> Wife tells him to get lost.
> ...


Spot on. A guy that comes up to a woman and hits on her right in front of her significant other is looking for a fight. The woman can reject and deny him all they want, it doesn't change the reason for why the guy came over there. The guy didn't choose the woman, he chose the guy.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If they’re not obviously a gang banger or something then I normally go with a nice little threat. The last time this happened to me was quite a while ago and I told the guy, “Why don’t you try it and see what happens?” He left.

On the other hand, the “see what happens” I am willing to escalate to just about anything as long as there is good enough evidence of the other person going first. For encounters like this I was trained to hold your hands up in an open position with hands open so it looks like you’re signaling “I don’t want it” 🙌🏼 so I have trained a bunch starting from that position and then having one or more people step into you to initiate something. It looks good from a bystander’s perspective.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

gameopoly5 said:


> True story:
> back in my younger days I worked with a guy, he was in his early 30s and he had an evening job as a bouncer for a night club, so he was a fit big guy.
> He began a sideline business, for a fee of £200 if a guy was out with a girl and wanted to impress the girl my co-worker would approach the couple and deliberately hit on the girl. Then he let the guy she was with beat him up.
> It was all staged. At first he would do a rehearsal with the guy show him how to make it look real and convincing.
> I remember he made a lot of money out of this.


There was a case where I live that was even more extreme than this.

there is a Big 12 university less than an hour from me so a bunch of goofy stuff goes on there.

A few years ago a guy had a date with a girl and part of the date was a moonlight walk through a park on campus.

the guy had made arrangements for a buddy to jump out of the bushes and mug them and like your story, he would fight off the staged mugger.

mbut he didn’t stop at just an attempted mugging. He gave the buddy a GUN and instructed him to SHOOT him 😳

so the buddy jumps out of the bushes, shoots him in the leg, but the would-be tough guy underestimated how much getting shot would hurt and how much it would hobble him up and the would be attacker underestimated how loud the gun would be and how much muzzle blast and how it would impact the wannabe tough guy.

so the tough guy crumpled up on the ground like a sack of potatoes squealing like a pig and the “gunman” dropped the gun (traced back to the BF’s dad and with BF’s prints all over it) and ran off and the BF went to the hospital.

The “attacker” was charged with assault with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief, willful injury and fleeing the scene.

When the BF got out of jail, he was charged with conspiracy to commit all of the above plus filing a false police report as he initially tried to pass it off as a real attack. 

Since there was no actual malicious intent, once they came clean they were able to plea down to hefty fines, community service and expulsion from the university.

And the damsel in distress? She went back to dating jocks and never spoke to those two nitwits again LOL (ok I made that part up as she never made the news, but it’s probably a safe assumption 😆).


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Captain Obvious said:


> Spot on. A guy that comes up to a woman and hits on her right in front of her significant other is looking for a fight. The woman can reject and deny him all they want, it doesn't change the reason for why the guy came over there. The guy didn't choose the woman, he chose the guy.


I agree. Someone coming up and hitting on someone infront of their date/SO/spouse and does not take no for an answer is an aggressive act and is posing a threat if allowed to continue.


----------



## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


How your GF carry herself in Public situations? How she dress-up on a regular basis? Does she try to shut down guys coming at her or not? 

Both of you need to discuss this problem and decide how to handle these situations "mutually."

1. Name-calling wasn't necessary but you handled this right by reporting him.

2. Fine.

3. Allow your GF to shut down a guy when he comes at her like this. Physical response should be last resort option.


----------



## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

so_sweet said:


> So, she tells you when guys approach her when you're not together? Why?
> If a man hits on me when I'm not with my husband, it means nothing to me and I don't bother to tell hubby about it. Most of the women I know do the same. The only women I've known to do this are ones who want to make their boyfriend/husband jealous.
> 
> All women get hit on. It's really not anything to write home about.
> ...


I have to clarify here, She doesn't tell me to rub it in my face or to make me jealous. It was actually my own question to her to tell me, which started after learning about her ex relationship and cheating story. It was a new experience for me, having a girlfriend that gets THIS much attention. I handled it the wrong way, I never objectively looked at it, but holy hell, that's a very insecure thing to ask actually. I should tell her to stop doing that lol.

I don't get jealous though, when I hear someone has hit on her while I wasn't around.
Edit: I have to run now, will reply to more people later.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> 3. Allow your GF to shut down a guy when he comes at her like this. Physical response should be last resort option.


This was my first thought when I read your initial post too OP.

But I'd 100% get the ball rolling for her
"What do you say babe, this douchebag / a**hole (etc) or me?" With a smile on my face. 

This gives her the opportunity to practice her assertiveness, not "letting them down easy" which is definitely a bit of a red flag in my book.

Also, you've said you savor this kind of comeback, so there's your solution. Let her handle it with a boost from your side.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I’m rapidly approaching 59 years old.

i have been in the company of women that ranged from beautiful/model/pageant to normal/average to Plain Jane to even conventionally below average in physical appearance. 

I can’t say that the beautiful were approached infront of me any more than the Plain Janes and even the below averages have been approached at times so I don’t think beauty is the sole determining factor.

I think if some gal is regularly and consistently being overtly approached and hit on in her date/SO’s presence, it is something she is consciously or unconsciously doing to invite that kind of attention.

I would also say that environment plays a big factor as well. If you are out hitting the bars and clubs and such on a Saturday night. women are going to be approached and hit on because that is what people do at bars and clubs.

if you’re with a chick that always wants to go to bars and clubs and doesn’t seem to want to do much else on a date night, it’s likely because she digs being approached and hit on.

if you’re not into bars and clubs and don’t want to deal with other dudes moving in but yet she doesn’t want to do much else, she may not be the chick for you despite her being good looking.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


I love your style. 35 years ago my wife and I were off base out in a bar and a guy came on to her would not take the hint from me, grabbed her butt…..well…..I put him to sleep.

Now Army pal of mine told me a similar story at Fort Campbell, he punchEd out an officer (officer in civvies)who was harassing his woman. He was brought up on charges which were later dismissed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

When dealing with someone physically, it really comes down to how much of your ego is involved whether you go downtown in the back of a cop car or not.

if you go up to the bar to pick up another round of drinks and you come back find some guy having a conversation with your date and she is conversing with him voluntarily and you punch him out because he was “disrespecting” you and he was moving in on “your” girl, There is a realistic chance you will be the one going downtown in handcuffs to face not only criminal charges of assault, but you could easily be sued for civil damages and be paying any medical expenses plus pain and suffering plus compensatory damages and court costs etc. 

If on the other hand someone is behaving in an intrusive and unwanted manner and is becoming physical with someone against their will and all other means of intervention have been unsuccessful, then the laying on of hands may be warranted provided the level of response is not obviously far disproportionate level of threat. 

The legal system recognizes people’s right to keep themselves and others safe from bona fide physical threats (at least in the US with the possible exceptions of the west coast states)

But the legal system does not look favorably upon ego driven violence without a clearly defined threat.

so if one wants to punch someone out for talking to their date, they need to ask themselves whether that urge is being driven by ego and wanting to look and or feel tough?

Or is it out of necessity to keep oneself or another from being physically harmed?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Like Nicholson said in "Batman",

"Never rub another man's rhubarb"


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not said:


> I call BS. We're all responsible for our own behavior and for learning how to recognize behaviors within ourselves that are damaging. I personally know "beautiful" men and woman and they are nothing like that.


Of course, but there is always the factor of nature vs nurture, with anyone not just beautiful people 😌


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Like Nicholson said in "Batman",
> 
> "Never rub another man's rhubarb"


that is one of the greatest movie quotes. Love that one.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> For encounters like this I was trained to hold your hands up in an open position with hands open so it looks like you’re signaling “I don’t want it” 🙌🏼 so I have trained a bunch starting from that position and then having one or more people step into you to initiate something. It looks good from a bystander’s perspective.


Lol that's what I do 🤣 

Ah the sh-t we have to do bc of fking nanny state laws lol I've never seen CCTV with audio either, the only issue is videos by bystanders. It has to happen fast.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Lol that's what I do 🤣
> 
> Ah the sh-t we have to do bc of fking nanny state laws lol I've never seen CCTV with audio either, the only issue is videos by bystanders. It has to happen fast.


I can usually just scare people by standing still and staring at them


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> I can usually just scare people by standing still and staring at them


I wonder what stare you have 😅


----------



## avgwarhawk (29 d ago)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...



If they ask for her number while you are present proceed to give him yours and advise you will get her when he calls. 

As far as the cat calling....good answer dude. 

The guy asking why she is with you just have a simple answer. Advise them you don't approach women with stupid questions. 

It is better to handle without having to kick another guys ass.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> I wonder what stare you have 😅
> 
> View attachment 95296


Throw in a slow head tilt and they piss on themselves.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> She said it takes a lot of guts to hand someone your phone number like that (I disagree) and she wants to "let them down easy". I think that's just naivity on her part, but I can kind of see that she wants to get it over with because many of these guys frequent her coffeeshop and she hates akwardness.





PossibleRedFlags said:


> I requested that she don't do that anymore since we are in a relationship and* the only thing it accomplishes is that the guy now has her number.*


Do you honestly think that wasn't her intent, that she is so naive to think initiating contact with them is the smart move? C'mon. At best she's creating a reserve plan for when/if you break up. At worst she's lining up "extra-curricular" activities if she decides to go that route.
Ask her how many of the guys she messages leave it alone and don't continue the conversation. Sounds to me like this will be an ongoing problem until she grows up some.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Guys don't actually hit on Mrs. Conan when I'm with her.

There have been several times when they did while she was by herself but when I walked into view, they just took off for some reason.....

On a side note, if my wife was single, she would have a full dance card if she wanted.😋


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


Seems like you're doing a good job, personally I just ask my wife what she thinks I should do. I generally just ignore it or laugh at them. She'd never entertain them for a second and if she did she knows it'd be way out of line.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Throw in a slow head tilt and they piss on themselves.


Apparently I have Chopper's laugh that freaks the sh-t outta people.






But its just a laugh though mate hahahahahah 😆


----------



## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Guys don't actually hit on Mrs. Conan when I'm with her.


This made me LOL as it reminded me of an incident with my Mrs. 

We were sitting at a bar next to each other. Most of the stools were full, pretty crowded evening, just having a couple drinks before my son's hockey game - you know, get there an hour early, etc etc, so we drop him off and head to the bar next door. Anyway, someone had approached her, and she politely told him she was married. Wiggled her ring at him and everything. Guy says "I don't see him here with you, do I?" all cocky like. I'm all confused, until I realized, I NEVER wear my ring because I'm always tinkering on cars and whatever, so he either noticed I wasn't wearing a ring, or he discounted me because we're an interracial couple and just assumed single lady at the bar. She looks him deadass in the eye and says "um, he's right here????" and the guy just kind of slumped off.

I totally forgot about that. Going to have a laugh with her about it later.

/end threadjack. Sorry.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Do you honestly think that wasn't her intent, that she is so naive to think initiating contact with them is the smart move? C'mon. At best she's creating a reserve plan for when/if you break up. At worst she's lining up "extra-curricular" activities if she decides to go that route.
> Ask her how many of the guys she messages leave it alone and don't continue the conversation. Sounds to me like this will be an ongoing problem until she grows up some.


Agreed, this sticks out for me as well because I've seen it and question if she was just playing dumb but knew exactly what she was doing. I'm still suss to this day but it's not like it matters anymore in my case.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Zedd said:


> This made me LOL as it reminded me of an incident with my Mrs.
> 
> We were sitting at a bar next to each other. Most of the stools were full, pretty crowded evening, just having a couple drinks before my son's hockey game - you know, get there an hour early, etc etc, so we drop him off and head to the bar next door. Anyway, someone had approached her, and she politely told him she was married. Wiggled her ring at him and everything. Guy says "I don't see him here with you, do I?" all cocky like. I'm all confused, until I realized, I NEVER wear my ring because I'm always tinkering on cars and whatever, so he either noticed I wasn't wearing a ring, or he discounted me because we're an interracial couple and just assumed single lady at the bar. She looks him deadass in the eye and says "um, he's right here????" and the guy just kind of slumped off.
> 
> ...


I don't know.... I think all our stories are data that might be helpful and occasionally funny!😉


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Guys don't actually hit on Mrs. Conan when I'm with her.


No sh-t they all dead 😅


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Your girl, if she was a decent person and had any respect for you - should never respond to it in any way that could be construed as positive. If she warms to it in front of you, that's incredibly disrespectful and a huge red flag, I'd be suspecting at least mild personality disorder.

I get it, she's super hot and you've caught the feels. You don't want to lose her. Ive been there. Well I guess you're up **** creek. If she reacts in a positive way you need to tell her that's not OK, and if she doesn't agree then you need to stop thinking with your **** and dump her.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When I was younger I lived in London. One night I was in a bar and I met an Australian woman who told me she was in the military. We were getting along great until this asshole in a British army uniform came up and slapped her on the ass.
I was just about to tear into him when she hit him. I heard his nose break and then he fell on the floor and started crying!
A couple of his friends started shouting at her and she called them a bunch “lily livered limeys” and invited them outside but none of them were interested lol.
It turned out that she was an unarmed combat Instructor in the ADF (Australia Defence Forces).
We played a game later called assault with a friendly weapon and I can report that diplomatic ties were maintained between our two great nations 😁😁😁.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Andy1001 said:


> When I was younger I lived in London. One night I was in a bar and I met an Australian woman who told me she was in the military. We were getting along great until this asshole in a British army uniform came up and slapped her on the ass.
> I was just about to tear into him when she hit him. I heard his nose break and then he fell on the floor and started crying!
> A couple of his friends started shouting at her and she called them a bunch “lily livered limeys” and invited them outside but none of them were interested lol.
> It turned out that she was an unarmed combat Instructor in the ADF (Australia Defence Forces).
> We played a game later called assault with a friendly weapon and I can report that diplomatic ties were maintained between our two great nations 😁😁😁.


Lol reminds me of my first gf at 16/17, my ex and I were at a house party getting pissed and smoking cones hahaha and I was in the lounge then heard this commotion in the kitchen. Everyone went there and there was this guy on the floor and ex standing above him lol apparently he grabbed her whatever but she was a kickboxer and knocked him straight out lol we just dumped him on the lawn 😂


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Lol that's what I do 🤣
> 
> Ah the sh-t we have to do bc of fking nanny state laws lol I've never seen CCTV with audio either, the only issue is videos by bystanders. It has to happen fast.


Yeah my friend who is a nasty nasty nasty person you never want to meet in the end of a dark alley is very wary of getting arrested.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah my friend who is a nasty nasty nasty person you never want to meet in the end of a dark alley is very wary of getting arrested.


Lol speaking of alleys my first girlfriend was fking crazy she was the one starting sh-t and wanting to get me involved pulling people into alleyways so we could jump them lol

Hell she even freakin' made napalm, who does that?  Oh well, had to lose my virginity somehow and at least she was hot lol


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## MIB (Dec 20, 2017)

Dear Abby,

I have a smoking hot wife. The problem? When I take her to a place that has young men full of testosterone and alcohol, she gets hit on right in front of me. What gives?

Signed,
I throw her in traffic and wonder why she gets run over

Not all bars are created equal. Some are classy. Some attract jerks. What kind of places are you taking her?

I had that happen often. Guy once walked right up to ME after having the waitress bring my gal a drink. He said, “Do you mind that I bought her a drink?”

”Not at all, my friend. I like this deal. You get her drunk. I take her home. Where you want to go tomorrow?”


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Your problem is you worried about the guys, all you need to worry about is your girl. She is the decider. Assuming you got a good one then just back her up when she blows them off, and see it as a complement. They are doing cartwheels to get her attention, and all you have to do is be yourself and you have it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Works said:


> Lady here: My boyfriend doesn't have to handle a situation like this at all... I don't ever allow myself to go that far with someone. We sometimes meet at our favorite bar, I bring my earbuds to listen to music and play pool on my phone... sit and wait on him. This one night, though, I did have a guy next to me (2 seats over) try to talk to me. Classic line, haven't I seen you before? Nope... oh you don't work next door (another bar), nope.. Isn't your name Ashley?? Nope. I went back to hit play on my music, soon after he came in (the bartenders, all girls, know us there.. so they know if I'm alone, he's soon behind me). I told him what happened and we just laughed, ordered our usual, chatted, ate and went on our way.
> 
> Heck, we may end up there tonight...


Unless you were wearing a ring, this behavior is to be expected.
Not a bad thing.

Men like to fish, some ladies like to be caught, others swim away, and against the tide, with force.

Kudos!

Oh, what if he were young Paul Newman's lookalike, or some male star lookalike, that you happen to admire?

_Those what ifs_ are difficult to answer, honestly!



_Gwendolyn-_


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## Jay Bee (Jul 5, 2018)

Have to expect a little bit of that if you're going to bars with a really good looking woman. Not a great place to hang out with your girlfriend. And I don't think you said how she dresses so I don't know if that has something to do with it too. Cleavage showing, etc would make things worse. Is she encouraging the attention in some way? You're a big guy so just stare them down.


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

It's just not worth it. It's just probably best if you broke up with her... Especially if this behavior continues. 

I know that you're very fond of her, but it's not worth it to possibly acquire a criminal record(additional charges if you already have one), jail time of any sorts, being hurt or killed "defending" her honor, or doing the polar opposite.. harming or killing due to your reaction. 

It isn't worth your sanity. It isn't worth your peace. It isn't worth your mental health. It isn't worth your physical health. It isn't worth the stress. It isn't worth the worrying. It isn't worth the possible paranoia. 


It isn't worth risking your job/career( if you have), your finances being jeopardized, your residence, all your dreams, aspirations,and goals permanently unaccomplished.



Also, your girlfriend sounds like she is untrustworthy, entertaining some of these men, and meticulously covering her tracks. 

She doesn't need to accept numbers in your absence to decline their propositions.

I can understand a woman being scared being by herself and alot of guys hitting on her, perhaps not leaving her alone, and she felt the need to accept their numbers in hopes of them leaving her alone... because maybe this repeated solution has worked numerous times in the past....

But chucking the numbers as soon as possible..


She collects numbers to entertain these men and possibly have backup plans.

Your girlfriend is highly insecure, or highly secure ...in either scenario she loves the attention and validation that she's physically appealing to men.

She tells you about things that happen in your absence, regardless of true or not, because she loves to see you riled up, in "protective" mode, and perhaps jealous. She's egotistical and these things turn her on and make her feel phenomenal about herself.

She loves playing games with men. 

She's hott and she knows it......

Or...


She's hott and doesn't know it...

Regardless,

It's all smoke and mirrors...


It's all fun and games for her..

Untill someone gets hurt..


She isn't girlfriend material or wife material currently at this stage in her life...

I highly advise you to end things. 

Find someone who is confident but gentle, respectable, and docile... 

But driven, passionate, wild and untamed....

Only for you.


Things will only get worse if you stay.


I wouldn't wait around for things to improve....

You may be waiting forever...or a very very long time. (Years)


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> When I was younger I lived in London. One night I was in a bar and I met an Australian woman who told me she was in the military. We were getting along great until this asshole in a British army uniform came up and slapped her on the ass.
> I was just about to tear into him when she hit him. I heard his nose break and then he fell on the floor and started crying!
> A couple of his friends started shouting at her and she called them a bunch “lily livered limeys” and invited them outside but none of them were interested lol.
> It turned out that she was an unarmed combat Instructor in the ADF (Australia Defence Forces).
> We played a game later called assault with a friendly weapon and I can report that diplomatic ties were maintained between our two great nations 😁😁😁.


Are you sure she wasn’t taking the piss and wasn’t in the ADF or even Australian at all?

Since having formerly served in the Australian Regular Army, Army Reserve and Inactive Reserve, from the late 1980s through the mid 2000s. I have never heard any Australian person, including service men and women in the Royal Australian Navy, Australian Army, and Royal Australian Air Force or civilians in the ADF through my whole life call any British person a Limey.

Likewise being a British/Australian dual citizen. I am very familiar with the term “Pom” and “Brit” being used, yet “Limey” that is not ****ing likely.

And did she tell you she was in the ADF? Since that’s also not quite kosher (unless she was a civvy see more below). Since those in the navy say they’re in the navy, Australian navy or RAN (pussers). Those in the army say they’re in the army or Australian Army (pongoes) Those in the air force (civvies in uniform) say they’re in the air force Australian Air Force or RAAF. On the other hand civilians in Defence will say they are in the ADF, and make no mistake, if she was a civvy she wouldn't have been an unarmed combat instructor back when.

Plus “lily livered”, WTF! Did you fall through a time portal , and found her in some especially quaint establishment in London during 1922? Of which it would be thumbs up, if she called him a “scrote” (for scrotum), or “squeezer” or “girls blouse” or "wanker" or that word, wot sounds like punt. All very popular terms in the Australian Army through the 80s, 90s and 00s. And used the F word with some restraint, so every third or fourth word.

Also where the **** were you in London? Where it was okay for a Squaddie/Tom? in the British Army to be wearing a uniform in a bar, unless there was some special event. Given common standing orders on dress back in the day to prevent embarrassment to the services, not forgetting the IRA threat and then later Islamic terrorist threat as well. Unless it was otherwise in a military establishment And if it were a military establishment why wasn’t the other guy and or her immediately arrested by a nearby NCO and dragged off for a night in the cells by Military Police? And make no mistake arrest and lock up happens in such circumstances, to then front a Charge for their efforts.

An unarmed combat instructor, way back when. Are you sure?

Was she a PTI?

Was she on Exercise Long Look?

Was she an Officer or Other Rank?

What was her rank?

What was her service?

And if she was an officer, then there are more WTFs, for even more reasons.

Was she 80 or older at the time, or pulling your leg, or not Australian and or not in the ADF? Was she actually Walter Mitty in drag?

So many questions?


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Hello,
> 
> You just can´t seem to win in these cases.
> If you get angry/aggresive you are letting it get to you, and comes across as insecure
> ...


Do you happen to live in NYC? That's the only place I've witnessed men hitting on a woman in her man's face.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Personal said:


> Are you sure she wasn’t taking the piss and wasn’t in the ADF or even Australian at all?


I would hope she at least got our accent right!



> I have never heard any Australian person, including service men and women in the Royal Australian Navy, Australian Army, and Royal Australian Air Force or civilians in the ADF through my whole life call any British person a Limey.


Lol met them all have ya?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Lol met them all have ya?


 Nope. That said how many Australians have you heard call Poms, “limeys”?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Personal said:


> Nope. That said how many Australians have you heard call Poms, “limeys”?


None, besides I'm just taking the piss 😝


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Personal said:


> Are you sure she wasn’t taking the piss and wasn’t in the ADF or even Australian at all?
> 
> Since having formerly served in the Australian Regular Army, Army Reserve and Inactive Reserve, from the late 1980s through the mid 2000s. I have never heard any Australian person, including service men and women in the Royal Australian Navy, Australian Army, and Royal Australian Air Force or civilians in the ADF through my whole life call any British person a Limey.
> 
> ...





Personal said:


> Are you sure she wasn’t taking the piss and wasn’t in the ADF or even Australian at all?
> 
> Since having formerly served in the Australian Regular Army, Army Reserve and Inactive Reserve, from the late 1980s through the mid 2000s. I have never heard any Australian person, including service men and women in the Royal Australian Navy, Australian Army, and Royal Australian Air Force or civilians in the ADF through my whole life call any British person a Limey.
> 
> ...


And I have one simple answer to all your questions.
It was almost twenty years ago and I had a one night stand with a hot Aussie.
She could have been from the moon for all I know or care.
But I’m impressed by your ability to know exactly what turn of phrase an Australian would use in any situation seeing as there’s approximately twenty five million people living in your country. It’s unbelievable that you know them all personally (pardon the pun) but there you go.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> It was almost twenty years ago and I had a one night stand with a hot Aussie.


Cool story bro. 😉


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> And I have one simple answer to all your questions.
> It was almost twenty years ago and I had a one night stand with a hot Aussie.
> She could have been from the moon for all I know or care.
> But I’m impressed by your ability to know exactly what turn of phrase an Australian would use in any situation seeing as there’s approximately twenty five million people living in your country. It’s unbelievable that you know them all personally (pardon the pun) but there you go.


LoL, being Captain Obvious I guess he doesn't believe you. I do, besides if you had answers to all those questions you wouldn't have gotten laid that night. She would have been bored to tears having a serious conversation in a bar.


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

Captain Obvious said:


> A guy that hits on your GF, fiancé, wife in front of you is looking for trouble, Nine times out of ten I'd say they're looking for a fight. I'd almost say that the guy didn't choose to hit on your woman, he chose to pick a fight with YOU.


Don't be ridiculous. We have no way of knowing if you're together unless the girl tells us. We're not trying to pick a fight with you.

If I say hello to an attractive girl, I don't know if the guy she's with is her husband, coworker, brother, or another random guy who walked up five minutes ago.

Just train your girl to say that you're her boyfriend. This isn't hard.


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> I was the third note she received on the day I gave her mine 😅
> Then she texted me and I waited until the next day to text her back, which she got annoyed at me for later lol


so what made your note stand out?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Firecat said:


> so what made your note stand out?


The man who gave the note of course 

Being handwritten was also a plus for her, showed 'effort' 🤷‍♂️


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

Hi all, Life got in the way (work) so was extra busy the last few days. 
Nothing new to report really, but we haven't been out yet LOL.

some questions that I saw I did not answer yet : I'm M34, She's F25. 
We're not from New York.
She doesn't wear overly sexual suggestive clothing when we go out. This stuff also happens when she wears a turtleneck.

All is well for now and will report back after we go out soon


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## lmucamac (4 mo ago)

Woman’s point of view…
In most situations the guy should not just ignore it, but should not be physically aggressive. 
Situation 2 was handled perfectly 
Situation 1, there was no reason to get aggressive, the girl should have responded as the question was directed to her. Leaving and reporting him to the manager was the right thing to do. 
Situation 3, once again as the woman, I would have responded. If I chose not to, or looked to my man for assistance, I would expect him to say something to try to get him to back off. Hitting him should be the last resort.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Firecat said:


> Don't be ridiculous. We have no way of knowing if you're together unless the girl tells us. We're not trying to pick a fight with you.
> 
> If I say hello to an attractive girl, I don't know if the guy she's with is her husband, coworker, brother, or another random guy who walked up five minutes ago.
> 
> Just train your girl to say that you're her boyfriend. This isn't hard.


Stop with the nonsense. I’m not talking about saying hello, I’m talking about walking up to a woman that is with a man and hitting on her right in front of the man, not even close to saying hello.
You have no way of knowing a woman is together with the man unless she tells you? Seriously? You can’t tell by them sitting at a table together, talking, laughing, basic human interaction?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Firecat said:


> Don't be ridiculous. We have no way of knowing if you're together unless the girl tells us. We're not trying to pick a fight with you.
> 
> If I say hello to an attractive girl, I don't know if the guy she's with is her husband, coworker, brother, or another random guy who walked up five minutes ago.
> 
> Just train your girl to say that you're her boyfriend. This isn't hard.


 Your situational awareness and powers of observation must be severely lacking.
If you don't check out the situation before you dive in your future looks painful.


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

Captain Obvious said:


> Stop with the nonsense. I’m not talking about saying hello, I’m talking about walking up to a woman that is with a man and hitting on her right in front of the man, not even close to saying hello.
> You have no way of knowing a woman is together with the man unless she tells you? Seriously? You can’t tell by them sitting at a table together, talking, laughing, basic human interaction?


That doesn't mean they were together.

I have seen guys go up to girls and start hitting on them, and they then start talking and laughing together when they literally just met five minutes ago.

I have gone up to a guy and girl who were sitting at a table, talking, and laughing, made friendly conversation, and discovered that they were coworkers or friends.

A bar or club is a social gathering place. People approach / say hi to / "hit on" other people.


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Your situational awareness and powers of observation must be severely lacking.
> If you don't check out the situation before you dive in your future looks painful.


What you're describing is not reality. If you and your partner go out to a social gathering place, you can expect her to be approached. That's just reality. It's silly to get upset or offended by this - if you were single going out, you'd do the same.

I've talked to girls out sitting next to a guy, having fun with a guy, many times, and it often turns out they just met. 

You could watch for a while like a creepy stalker and try to guess, and you might be wrong anyway, or you could just say hi like a normal social person.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Firecat said:


> What you're describing is not reality. If you and your partner go out to a social gathering place, you can expect her to be approached. That's just reality. It's silly to get upset or offended by this - if you were single going out, you'd do the same.
> 
> I've talked to girls out sitting next to a guy, having fun with a guy, many times, and it often turns out they just met.
> 
> You could watch for a while like a creepy stalker and try to guess, and you might be wrong anyway, or you could just say hi like a normal social person.


Well...since you're so adamant about arguing that you're completely tone deaf and can't read a room. I guess you fall in that percentile of men that hit on unavailable woman, only to to be informed that she's taken. Honestly always wanted to understand the perspective of someone like you, because its not something I can't wrap my head around.  Please educate me.


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

ReformedHubby said:


> Well...since you're so adamant about arguing that you're completely tone deaf and can't read a room. I guess you fall in that percentile of men that hit on unavailable woman, only to to be informed that she's taken. Honestly always wanted to understand the perspective of someone like you, because its not something I can't wrap my head around. Please educate me.


I never said that I was completely tone deaf and can't read a room, so please don't put words in my mouth.

When you see people interacting, what you're seeing is a reflection of their moods and feelings at the current time. You can't tell from that if someone is "unavailable." 

I've seen this myself many times. Guy and girl are out at a club, looking like they're together, you go talk to them, and find out they just met.

I'm not sure what it is that you don't understand.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Firecat said:


> That doesn't mean they were together.
> 
> I have seen guys go up to girls and start hitting on them, and they then start talking and laughing together when they literally just met five minutes ago.
> 
> ...


You need to reread the original post bc I don’t think you did or you just don’t understand. When a guy comes up to a woman that is there with another man and says,“you need to be with me, why are you even with this guy?” That’s not friendly chit chat, that’s causing trouble. If you came up to my wife and myself, or if I had a GF, or just a date, and inserted yourself into our conversation and space, I would assume that you were doing so bc you were interested in one of us and I would tell you to leave. You better watch yourself bc sooner or later you’re going to insert yourself into a couple’s business and the guy isn’t going to like it or be as tolerant as you may think.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Firecat said:


> I never said that I was completely tone deaf and can't read a room, so please don't put words in my mouth.
> 
> When you see people interacting, what you're seeing is a reflection of their moods and feelings at the current time. You can't tell from that if someone is "unavailable."
> 
> ...


I didn't say that you said that. I just stated that you're "that guy" based on your posts. I don't necessarily mean to imply that you have a character defect by saying you're "that guy". I just recognize you as one of those guys that embarrassingly hit on my lady when its obvious she could care less. No shame in that. Some of us just know when someone is taken and look for signals before approaching. Some of us don't. Keep shooting your shot, certainly doesn't offend me.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> these slime can even say "So am I
> we need not tell your husband "
> 
> These type guys are from the bottom of the pool


Thes kind of guys should be pushed INTO the deepest part of the pool until the bubbles stop....


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

ReformedHubby said:


> I didn't say that you said that. I just stated that you're "that guy" based on your posts. I don't necessarily mean to imply that you have a character defect by saying you're "that guy". I just recognize you as one of those guys that embarrassingly hit on my lady when its obvious she could care less. No shame in that. Some of us just know when someone is taken and look for signals before approaching. Some of us don't. Keep shooting your shot, certainly doesn't offend me.


You can't always tell though.
It's a social gathering place, so I'd say hi to you both and chat a little. If it was clear that you were together I wouldn't hit on her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

jlg07 said:


> Thes kind of guys should be pushed INTO the deepest part of the pool until the bubbles stop....


It doesn't really need to be that deep. A rain puddle is enough hehe 🤭😇


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> @PossibleRedFlags let me tell you something that you need to understand.
> Every beautiful woman learns at a young age how to deflect unwanted attention. If your girlfriend isn’t making it clear to these guys that she’s not interested then you have a problem.
> And the problem is her, she is interested.


That's not necessarily true. One of the trainees at a training company I worked at was insanely attractive. 10/10. But because she was on the ASD spectrum she had no clue that she was even slightly attractive and had no ability to ward off advances from men. 

I had to stop one gallant (but also ASD spectrum young man) from shooting one of her more persistent suitors. He actually bought a pistol and some rounds of ammunition which couldn't have been all that easy in the UK with our restrictive laws) I made him dump them in a river.


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## Firecat (4 d ago)

MattMatt said:


> That's not necessarily true. One of the trainees at a training company I worked at was insanely attractive. 10/10. But because she was on the ASD spectrum she had no clue that she was even slightly attractive and had no ability to ward off advances from men.
> 
> I had to stop one gallant (but also ASD spectrum young man) from shooting one of her more persistent suitors. He actually bought a pistol and some rounds of ammunition which couldn't have been all that easy in the UK with our restrictive laws) I made him dump them in a river.


yeah, there are plenty of beautiful women who are shy, anxious, socially awkward, or had difficult or isolated upbringings for a variety of reasons, and have no idea how to handle men.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If you really aren't sure that a woman with another man is actually with him, starting a conversation with him is definitely your best bet.

Initially, Fire feline seemed to indicate direct targeting and hitting on those women was no big deal.

I wouldn't do it and it's never happened to me either.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Captain Obvious said:


> A guy that hits on your GF, fiancé, wife in front of you is looking for trouble, Nine times out of ten I'd say they're looking for a fight. I'd almost say that the guy didn't choose to hit on your woman, he chose to pick a fight with YOU.


Very possibly.
When I was younger( from about 13-15) there was a guy from our local area that loved to fight, he was quite a small bloke but was always looking to start trouble, I'll call him Freddy (because that was his name😁).
He seemed to always look for the biggest, hardest looking bloke to start a fight with and believe me he could start a row at a vicar's tea party over some perceived non-exisistant sleight.
This was all very well (or not) but he used to hang around our group, and when he inevitably started on some unsuspecting individual when we were all out somewhere we would sometimes get dragged into the nonsense when the other guys mates stepped in to help their friend who was getting a beating.

I lost track of him for a few years, although I did regularly hear stories of his exploits.
The next time I saw him was when I was about 17 and working for a window cleaning company (window washing for you americans ). He came to try to get a job with the company I was working at, but the foreman of my crew knew of him and advised the manager not to have anything to do with him 'cos he was trouble'.
Evidently Freddy had been working for a company in Oxford Street, London, got in argument with a store owner about his skills as a window cleaner, beat the store owner up and pushed his ladders that were on a barrow through the shop window. By this time Freddy was about 6'2" tall but still skinny.

A few more years went by (I was about 22 or 23 by now) married and living in a different area and hadn't heard of, or seen him for years.
I had changed jobs and had been working as a scaffolder when I saw him in the City of London, working as a scaffolder for a different company to mine. He was now about 6' 4" and built like a brick s..t house and very dangerous looking. He started chatting to me and told stories of prison, he said 'we'll have to meet up for a drink sometime'...I made my excuses and left.

This long garbled post (sorry) is just to illustrate that some blokes like fighting, and will say and do anything to start one.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Amanhasnoname said:


> This long garbled post (sorry) is just to illustrate that some blokes like fighting, and will say and do anything to start one.


Guys like that have a timer counting down.

They are dead men walking.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Guys like that have a timer counting down.
> 
> They are dead men walking.


Very true.

I haven't seen or heard anything about him now for over 40 years. There were stories about him that he had got married, can't remember whether he had kids or not, then someone told me years later he had come out as gay.
I don't know if that was true or just a rumour, but I often wonder if that was what was causing all the violence, as he was maybe trying to fight his feelings. We certainly never saw any evidence of him being gay


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

PossibleRedFlags said:


> Ladies, how would you like to see your man handle this?


Full disclosure - I cannot relate as this hasn't happened to us in the way you described. I dug your response with the second scenario. I'm conflicted about the third scenario. I am interested how she responded to the guy? As I can't relate, I did think of hypothetical ways that I might... and it's likely I'd just say, 'Eh, move along.' That way it's not engaging him further. From your perspective, I get why you might react the way you did. I don't think that it warranted throwing a punch; yet, sometimes the world 'teaches' us how to behave. In that, maybe that dude needed a lesson. That's why I'm conflicted. In many ways it can speak volumes (to me) about how you conduct yourself in terms of not needing to go that response though. Did your girlfriend demonstrate discomfort with your reaction in the moment - or after he'd gone/you had both left? Like I said though, I'd be interested in how she initially responded; if at all.

The phone numbers scenario had me floored. I'm glad she is stopping that now. Perhaps she'll figure out different ways of handling the attention; perhaps not.

A few moons ago, and using some recycled thoughts, my husband and I were having dinner with others at a pub. Random guy wearing beer goggles, looked to hubs and referring to being with me said, 'Wow how'd you manage that? Good work my man..' And followed this with a handshake. Hubs just laughed along and they briefly swapped notes about dark ales.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

It's not a problem if your wife and you are mature. My wife had a family member who seemed to like her, and they danced at one function. My wife tried to be courteous, I said nothing, and later she confided that the situation was making her sad because she was friends with the person's wife. Any issues later stopped. But the point is, my wife didn't get her jollies by having someone like her, I didn't see a need to do anything and things were fine. 

It can be a problem in some marriages and circumstances. Once in a business situation a company we were working with said something about my line of business. Yep that's right we do A, it's accurate and fine. She harped on it as if it were something less than impressive and I realized that I had given her a break on something, and she perceived me to have less value. So she got a bill for my work pretty quickly, didn't want to pay it, and we discontinued and I was happy about that, the last thing I needed was to provide a discount in such circumstance. 

So personally I might have quietly moved, and would probably not be disturbed. It would only be a problem if I thought my wife was encouraging the behavior or seemed to like it, in which case I'd evaluate things. If she were flirty, I'd probably say, oh you like that fellow, I'm going home. Candidly I could never figure out the logic of potentially getting beaten up because a girlfriend or wife was flirting. Its like a husband getting drunk and the wife wakes up with a hangover the next morning.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Not sure how this relates, just a story swap. 
I used to brew my own beer . Usually very strong. One of the neighbors came over and we all had a few . It came time to end the session and for me to go to bed , work in the morning. The neighbor , who's 22oz glass was full asked if he could sit and finish his glass , I was fine with it, he was talking to my wife at our outside patio table . He was opposite my wife at the table. I went in and got changed for bed.( Neighbor was about 10yrs older than us. ) I never asked my wife if it was OK and stumbled into the bedroom. After about 45 mins I noticed that my wife still hadn't come to bed yet. So I looked out the window, and noticed that the neighbor had changed seats and was now right next to my wife. Very close . She looked really uncomfortable. So I walked back outside and told my wife that she had a phone call and she bid him goodnight and came in . The neighbor looked visibly pissed. 

When my wife came in she actually looked scared . I asked her what was wrong. She looked at me and said " Don't you ever Fu$king leave me alone with that man again "
Apparently, as soon as I went inside he started hitting on her . I couldn't believe it , I had known him for several yrs.

You just never know with people...My wife later told me that over the yrs he had made several off handed comments to her. Flirting , compliments about her looks , hair ect.

Right before I walked back out to get my wife he asked her if she would walk him back to his house because he was a bit too drunk...

A fu#king predator...She also told me that when he asked her , he touched her hand like to prompt her to get up and go.

To this day I feel guilty about that night. That unwittingly I put her in that position. 

The next day he stopped by to return the glass, which he left with. I told him he was no longer ever allowed on my property and that he had a lot of balls. 

He just looked at me...Said nothing and left 

He knew it would not end well if he came back.


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