# Shutting down the pain, anger and sorrow



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

One year anniversary of DDAY is Wednesday (also my daughter's birthday). I texted the stbxw last night to see if the kids were around for me to talk to. She said "It's her birthday party, call after 6". I knew she was having her own birthday party for her, but didn't realize it was last night. I have my daughter on her actual birthday and we are having our own party.

That was a pretty painful moment...first birthday without all of us together. I talked to my kids and both were very down, very sad.

But I fought the pain. The last few days, when the pain and the anger start to consume me...I shut it off. I put the hand up basically and say "No - I'm not thinking about this". I did the 180 at the start, but the anger was still there. I sit and think about the level of betrayal, the heinousness of it, the cruelty, my children and the pain she has caused them. I have never hated anyone in my life like I hate my stbxw.

But I have been able to put her out of my mind as of late. I'm in a new stage of detachment I suppose. Burying her deeper and deeper into the recesses of my mind. Not caring any more. She's becoming more and more like a distant memory as opposed to a giant growth on my soul. She's becoming less real to me...more like a figment of my imagination. Keeping the contact to the absolute bare minimum is helping - no more having beers and chatting when I pick up/drop off the kids. I don't even look at her - she's become like the person at the drive thru window at Burger King. She's nothing to me. She's dead to me, and that's liberating. I've never been able to stop the seething before.

I'm sure I'm not through yet - triggers still happen. But it's good to know I'm on my way to truly detaching from her - fully detaching.

I long for the day when my hate dies completely and turns to utter indifference.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

And we pray that it is sooner then later my friend.


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## DoveEnigma13 (Oct 31, 2013)

You should do your best to let the hate go. I needed the hate to keep me on track to get away from her, but the hate is going away and I feel so much more free.

Try to not look at her as causing you the pain, try to look at her as a someone who is sick. That's helped me.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

DoveEnigma13 said:


> You should do your best to let the hate go. I needed the hate to keep me on track to get away from her, but the hate is going away and I feel so much more free.
> 
> Try to not look at her as causing you the pain, try to look at her as a someone who is sick. That's helped me.


Yes, and she is sick. So beyond messed up - even she admits to this.

Today is my daughter's birthday and 1 year since Dday. It's hard not hating her for ending the marriage on my daughter's birthday, though. But yes, the hate is fading...I care less and less about her at all every day. Sadly we will always be connected because of our children.


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