# Husband doubts idea of marriage



## cmsp (Aug 25, 2012)

Here's a little background on my situation:

My husband was in the Army for 7 years. In July, he dropped down to reserve status (one weekend per month). We've had this plan for some time that he would do this so he could finish his bachelor's degree. He's had plans of becoming an Army Officer since he was 18. We are both 26 now. Over the last month, he has seemed down, has trouble sleeping and just not himself. I noticed it after he arrived home after a weekend at Battle Assembly. I asked him what was wrong, he said that it wasn't me, it was just that he thought he had everything figure out but he doesn't. He said he thought he was an adult but now he feels like he isn't. 

On Tuesday morning we got into a little argument about his family (very demanding, needy). I went home for lunch and he told me that sometimes he isn't sure if he wants to be married anymore. I was completely devastated. I knew he was down in the dumps, but he assured me it was "wasn't me." He had even made references during this time about what a great life we had. He said he even had a conversation with his father about it. He told me he loves me but isn't sure if he is "in love" with me. 

We went to a marriage counselor the following day. We've had two sessions so far. The first one left us feeling a little better but I still am so confused. Yesterday, the counselor asked him if he is interested in sex. He said "not really." She asked him if he's lost interest in anything else, he told her that he used to be really into cars and now he's not. He also said (which blew me away) he is unsure now about whether or not he wants to become an Officer. This has been his whole life plan and all of a sudden it isn't appealing to him. Our counselor hinted at depression.

He says sometimes he feels that we rushed into marriage (we dated for 2.5 years, engaged for a little over a year and married for a year in October) and he always had small doubts but now he isn't sure if he wants to be married. He said sometimes he feels like we are just friends.

My question is that is this normal for someone who has undergone major life changes in the past few months, to start questioning other things in their life? He stopped working full time so that he could be a full time student. Going to school part time was stressful for him so I know he might feel overwhelmed by the thought of taking more than one or two classes at once. I feel like the Army gave him purpose and now he lacks the focus that he once had so he is questioning other aspects of his life too. *Could he be uninterested in our marriage due to depression? Is this just "first year" cold feet? Or could he just really not want to be married? *The topic of a third party was brought up by the counselor and we both know that the other is not involved in any extramarital affairs. Trust has never been a problem. I am devastated by all of this. Right now we are following the advice of the counselor and we have separated for the weekend so that we can break the cycle of discussing the issue over and over. She said this is so we can get to the heart of the matter rather than discuss the little things. Has anyone else been in this position? If so, how did it turn out?


----------

