# Damned myself when I said, "I do."



## football80

Hello. I am 27 year old woman, who is on the verge of a break down. I have been married for two years. We have an eleven month boy and I'm 3 months pregnant. I am so fed up with my husband, I have little hope that this relationship will last. We have only been married for 2 years and they have been the worst two years of my life. The first year of our marriage we moved away cross country just to start our new life together. At first it was nice, but soon after everytime we got into an arguement he would leave and not come home until really late. I wondered what he could be doing since we didn't know anyone where we lived, but I soon found out he was going to the casino and blowing a lot of money. He did this from what I know of 2-3 times a month. It was horrible. I couldn't take it anymore so we moved back. Because of all the credit card debt which no one knew about, but my mom we had to live with my parents. This has also been a nightmare. My husband's late nights didn't stop. Finally I told him to get help. We went one time and he started to control himself. It's not as bad as before, but he still goes to the casino. But it's not only that, if he even sees that there is a little money saved up in our bank account, it's like he's itchin to spend it, which he does. Because of the senseless money spending, we can never do anything. I feel like he doesn't care at all. He only cares about his own happiness. He claims I always want to be under my parents but this is far from the truth. I'm afraid to live with him, because I'm afraid I'll get more debt. He says that he goes out because he doesn't want to live in my parents' house. HELP SOMEONE PLEASE!!!


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## Amplexor

First thing you must do is set up an account with out his signature on it. He can’t spend it if he can’t touch it. I wouldn’t even tell him about it if possible. Put a little bit away each pay check to start building some savings. If he has a gambling problem he needs to restart counseling if he is to whip it. Are there other large issues in the marriage besides arguing and gambling?


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## happilymarried67

Amplexor said:


> First thing you must do is set up an account with out his signature on it. He can’t spend it if he can’t touch it. I wouldn’t even tell him about it if possible. Put a little bit away each pay check to start building some savings. If he has a gambling problem he needs to restart counseling if he is to whip it.


:iagree:

He is a gambling addict, uses the fights to get out and play. He probably had this addiction before your marriage. He needs counceling and he needs to be out of casinos and gambling areas completely. Just like drugs or alcohol. He needs gamblers anonymous and you need to get your ducks in a row. He needs the ultimatum of getting help, no more gambling or it is the door for him. He will suck you dry, You need to think of your children, born and unborn. They deserve better and you do not need to stick in a marriage where he is not going to change. If he is truly willing to work on this marriage and his gambling addiction then help him while protecting you and the kids. If not get out.

PS for you there is gam-anon for families of gamblers Welcome to Gam-Anon.org!


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## Green-Moo

I couldn't agree with the advice to open up a personal account more. You need to protect yourself and the kids.

It sounds as if your husband is using your arguments as an excuse to gamble, but he's probably do it whatever you did. He needs professisonal help to beat the addiciton if there's a chance your relationship will survive.


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## swedish

My father has a severe gambling addiction. Like any other addiction, if he is blaming others for why he's doing it, he's not ready to stop. If he doesn't agree to get help for himself, staying with him long-term will be very unstable. I grew up with steak and lobster one day and no electricity/hot water the next, very unsettling environment for kids. He's 84 and has not changed at all...he's like a bucket with a hole in it...as soon as his social security check goes in, he drains it out...we literally have to beat him to it each month to get his rent paid. He was an extremely wealthy man and now has nothing.

I would definitely recommend setting up a separate account and begin to work towards your own financial stability. Do not co-sign anything with him. I hope you can convince him to get help for himself.


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## GAsoccerman

totally agree, set up a private account and seperate money, Also ahve his paychecks go autmatically into a bank account, Then the day he get's paid...set up Autopayments for your credit cards.

Say paid every 2 weeks on friday, Pay some bills automatically on the saturday that follows. I do that for my stuff, makes life easier knowing your bills paid, and he can't spend it.

take his credit cards and cut them up or hide them. I had to do that to my wife, she has 1 now, she was a shopping addict. Still spends it, but I have it controlled.

Bottom line have him get help for his addiction, you need to control the finaces and have your mom or Dad help you out setting it up.

tell your hubby he will lose you and the children if he does not control it.

Best of luck.

Sad part is I LOVE to gamble, but I only do it once or twice a year...I hate losing money more then my love to gamble....I guess that is good.


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## football80

I have done a few things already mentioned, like having a separate account, having his check automatically go into my account, but it's so hard. I never imagined my relationship to be like this. He swears that he'll change, in my heart I believe him, but then he messes up again. But I guess I haven't been firm enough. I know that he needs help, and at times he will admit he does, but then he thinks he doesn't.


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## happilymarried67

gam-anon for families of gamblers Welcome to
Welcome to Gam-Anon.org!!

Just to remind you  You really need to talk to someone that knows how to deal with this. He is an addict and nothing good will come of this until he admits he has a true problem and that he cannot fix it on his own. He needs to get professional help dealing with this. There is always hope but he needs a wake up call. It is like an alcoholic that slips off the wagon again. When he realizes that he is powerless to his addiction and he needs to get help for himself things will change. He is playing you, and playing on your sympathy for him. As long as you give him a means to do this and you keep a roof over his head he will beg, borrow and steal for his next gambling fix. You have got to take charge for you.


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