# Nightmares 1yr later



## Tullip (Apr 21, 2011)

Hi everyone, 

I have written my story once before. My husband had an affair about 2 1/2 yrs ago, we separated for 1 yr, and reconcilled. He has been back home for about 1 yr. For the most part I have moved on, but of course I don't think I will ever fully heal from his hurt/betrayal. What gets me so upset is that I STILL have nightmares about the OW, ( i know who she was). Most often my nightmares are images of me beating her up or trying to inflict some kind of pain on her. 
These nightmares sometimes make me wonder if I will ever be able to truly move on from this and forgive my husband. When I decided to reconcile, My BIGGEST fear was that I would not be able to fully forgive him. These nightmares just wont go away 

Does anyone still suffer?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes, I still "suffer." I still think about it every day and I still have the nightmares you speak of.

You said your biggest fear is "not forgiving him." Don't let that be a fear. You either can or can't forgive him. Some people can get through infidelity. Others can't. No matter what camp you fall in, it's entirely ok whichever you decide.

I am sorry to hear you are hurting. My heart goes out to you.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I don't know your story- how did you reconcile?

was it done in a straight forward manner, is there complete transparency, is there no contact with OW, was OW exposed to her husband, has your husband shown true remorse, was it all swept under the rug?


----------



## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I have not been able to make the nightmares go away. But, they are less and less often. They are a heck of a lot better than the first couple months where I experienced the end of my marriage almost every single night.


----------



## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Yes, ma'am, I still suffer, although not as bad as before. My H had an EA, which he says "we were just friends"...right..whatever. Anyway, we were separated for about 9 months.
She's young enough to he his daughter, and turned out to be a real nut job...
I think about it every day, and I guess I always will.


----------



## Tullip (Apr 21, 2011)

Almost recovered---
We were seperated for 1yr with in that yr, we met with mediator. 2 weeks before signing seperation papers my husband asked to reconcile. We started dating in april, in June started MC and in August he moved back home. He has given full transparency, and NO CONTACT whatsever with OW. OW was not married, a young stupid girl thinking they would have a life together. 
I trust my H fully, and he has done nothing thusfar to make me think otherwise. He is truly remorsefull and till this day is regrets what he has done. He too is still haunted by his own nightmares!!
Jellybeans; thank you for your kind words. I honestly felt that I would fall into the camp of not forgiving for infidelity. I was done and moving on...about to sign papers, dating someone else. But I guess something changed....also having a 6yr old son played into it. 
I'm not sure I will ever forgive him 100%...just as he can not fully forgive himself. I guess one could say we are still in the process of reconcilliation


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well you paused the reconciliation for a whole year so really you are at the same spot where many of are at that one year post d-day.

The good news is that is when it starts to taper off. It will take time and continued verification that your husband is being faithful but you'll get there.

I've said this before- recovery is non-linear, you will have 3 steps of progress and then a bad day and then 4 days of progress and then a bad day, etc, the general trend is one of finally reaching peace.


----------



## Tullip (Apr 21, 2011)

Almost recovered, you made an excellent point about how the recociliation was paused for 1 yr. I guess I just want to find inner peace sooner rather than later  
As for my husband, I can sincerely say that it is very unlikely that he would cheat again. I think if we are having problems within our marriage he would just leave rather than act out again. 
Also, If he had not asked to reconcile the chances of us being divorced right now would be 99%. ....meaning for me it, it was not a thought. I think I tried to convince myself that I'm more past this than I thought. You are absolutely right when you say there will be 4 good days, then 3 bad ones....today happens to be a bad one. Tomorrow night is "date night" I hope its a better day!
Thanks!!!!!


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I still get nightmares over my wife's affair. It's been years.

It's a form of post traumatic reaction.

She, on the other hand, sleeps like a baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hijo (Sep 1, 2011)

michzz said:


> I still get nightmares over my wife's affair. It's been years.
> 
> It's a form of post traumatic reaction.
> 
> ...


Do you find yourself a bit resentful over that?

@Tulip: I had a nightmare Thursday morning. My wife woke up around 6am to get the eldest girl up and ready for school and ready herself (she's a teacher). Between then (when I became partially awake) and when I got up @7:20am (I work from home), I had the worst damn nightmare I've ever had in my life. Let me just say, if the events in that dream had happened, I would be buried under the gas chamber, much less incarcerated. It was horrible.

What's worse, I knew the source of the dream had been the spat (minor, very minor) we had the night previous that led to a trigger for me. This led to the whole day being one big crappy day, like 10 Mondays rolled into one. Thankfully my wife was understanding that it was a trigger event and helped me through it with love and reassurance.

I'm going to the MD next week to seek sleeping pills. Something that suppresses that sh!t.


----------



## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

You have to go to family counseling. Ask him to go with you . You need to express your anger to him. I think the other woman may be a substitute for him because you want it to work out. I hhope you two find happiness


----------

