# engaged and need advice



## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

Hi, so, my names Bri, and I've been engaged for a few months now, and I'm really excited about it! But me and my fiance have been talking and there's some things that have been bothering me. I tried asking my mom, but my family is really conservative and I just ended up really embarrassing her and it just didnt' work so ugh.

anyways, as i said my family is pretty traditional so I'm actually still a virgin... thing is my fiance isn't. I think I'm mostly fine with that but its had me worrying about being good enough on our wedding night even though he said i shouldnt. we talked yesterday about like when we want children and all that... and we talked really awkwardly about sex a little. I'm really attracted to him but when i blurted out a question about frequency he admitted he had a high sex drive and that's just intimidating.

He's a few years older than me, in the army, and he's built really big and athletic, and I'm pretty petite, so he's got over 100lbs on little old me. and i'm a virgin and he's not. i love him a lot but the wedding is months away and i'm really nervous and my mom and aunts aren't really helping at all with that.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

brigal77 said:


> Hi, so, my names Bri, and I've been engaged for a few months now, and I'm really excited about it! But me and my fiance have been talking and there's some things that have been bothering me. I tried asking my mom, but my family is really conservative and I just ended up really embarrassing her and it just didnt' work so ugh.
> 
> anyways, as i said my family is pretty traditional so I'm actually still a virgin... thing is my fiance isn't. I think I'm mostly fine with that but its had me worrying about being good enough on our wedding night even though he said i shouldnt. we talked yesterday about like when we want children and all that... and we talked really awkwardly about sex a little. I'm really attracted to him but when i blurted out a question about frequency he admitted he had a high sex drive and that's just intimidating.
> 
> He's a few years older than me, in the army, and he's built really big and athletic, and I'm pretty petite, so he's got over 100lbs on little old me. and i'm a virgin and he's not. i love him a lot but the wedding is months away and i'm really nervous and my mom and aunts aren't really helping at all with that.



Congrats on your wedding to be and that you are still a virgin.

I would start viewing adult materials (porn, etc.) to see all the sexual positions, techniques and toys out there. Buy toys, oils, and if he has a high sex drive, HD, then I'd say, expect to have sex almost every day after you're married.

Some guys like breast jobs, foot jobs, anal and blind fold each other and tie him down to the bed.

There is 69, spoon, missionary with your legs together, cow girl, doggie style, and the list goes on and on. Get framiliar with this and when your honeymoon is finally here, you will be ready and not nervous. You might surprise him.

http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/relationships/galleries/9278/top-20-sex-positions


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I have no advice to offer as far as being a virgin woman. I wouldn't no where to start. But your comments about him having a high sex drive and you being intimidated concern me a lot. If you don't have a similar sex drive, please please be honest and warn him ahead of time. It won't get better, and you owe it to each other to not be a bait and switch.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So what are your fears or concerns? You haven't had sex yet so how can you know if your sex drive will match his, and if it doesn't how will you two work it out.

So why are you a virgin? Was it religion? If so, how will that inhibition about getting naked and having sex actually go away? Having a wedding ring won't make it go away BTW. What have you replied upon in order to keep a sexual boundary in order to remain a virgin? How has that helped you? How will that be different after you are married?


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Congrats on your wedding to be and that you are still a virgin.


Thanks! It's really frustrating now, it was a lot easier before I met him, and now I'm stuck with drooling over him but knowing I really should save it for that perfect wedding night fantasy I've had like forever. But ugggghhhhh. I wish I could turn off my lust until about 48 hours before the wedding. 



CuddleBug said:


> I would start viewing adult materials (porn, etc.) to see all the sexual positions, techniques and toys out there.


Oh gosh, i just giggled thinking about mom and dad catching me do this. Unfortunately I live at home while doing community college and our internet is filtered. i'll try though. never would have thought of this so thanks 



CuddleBug said:


> Buy toys, oils, and if he has a high sex drive, HD, then I'd say, expect to have sex almost every day after you're married.
> 
> Some guys like breast jobs, foot jobs, anal and blind fold each other and tie him down to the bed.
> 
> There is 69, spoon, missionary with your legs together, cow girl, doggie style, and the list goes on and on. Get framiliar with this and when your honeymoon is finally here, you will be ready and not nervous. You might surprise him.


thanks! oh gosh that all sounds amazing but intimidating i do want to have lots of sex, it's just he's a very physically active man always hiking and doing sports and stuff as well as the army and he's so much bigger than me it's all so overwhelming. I wish I had an older sister or something, but sadly I just got stuck with a bunch of brothers.


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> So what are your fears or concerns? You haven't had sex yet so how can you know if your sex drive will match his, and if it doesn't how will you two work it out.


Ummm, I guess

1. I'm scared about being inexperienced and not being a good lover, which i know is kind of silly

2. I'm nervous because I'm small and he's a very big, muscular guy, which i think is really attractive but is kind of intimidating and I've recently just started realizing that's a lot of weight to be in bed with.

I guess I don't know our sex drives won't match. I'm sorry I'm just freaking out. I have no idea how we'll work it out yet. 



Anon Pink said:


> So why are you a virgin? Was it religion?


Yes. Our family isn't really all that devout but it's still a big cultural thing and as the only daughter I'm my daddy's little precious princess and all.



Anon Pink said:


> If so, how will that inhibition about getting naked and having sex actually go away? Having a wedding ring won't make it go away BTW.


Well, I'm in trouble then. 



Anon Pink said:


> What have you replied upon in order to keep a sexual boundary in order to remain a virgin?


I told my fiance and he's too much of a gentleman, if we start getting really frisky when kissing if I don't stop he will and say he doesn't want to rush into something I might regret.




Anon Pink said:


> How has that helped you? How will that be different after you are married?


It hasn't helped me. I just don't know. I just grew up thinking it would me magical and special and perfect as long as I kept my purity for my husband and all that. And now it's confusing and complicated.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

No virgin should consider matrimony until they get some experience.
Of this I am certain.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

The issue with being inexperienced or inadequate in bed will take care of itself as long as you have the right attitude. Being a newlywed is exactly the kind of thing that makes you want to experiment and get better.

Not knowing if you like sex or not is, to many of us here, a lot more concerning. However, I haven't heard you say you're worried about liking sex, only that you have questions about the mechanics of making love to a big, brutish guy.

Do you find it hard to keep out of his pants right now, before the ring is on your finger, even if you don't give in? If you don't, you two need to have a long talk. Scratch that, uncomfortable or not, you two need to have a long talk. Get over the embarrassment and talk about your future sex life like you would your plans for children, the mortgage, and jobs. It is EVERY BIT AS IMPORTANT.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

brigal77 said:


> Thanks! It's really frustrating now, it was a lot easier before I met him, and now I'm stuck with drooling over him but knowing I really should save it for that perfect wedding night fantasy I've had like forever. But ugggghhhhh. I wish I could turn off my lust until about 48 hours before the wedding.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


THis kind of stood out to me. You have said you feel lusty, yet you have not thought or felt the need to seek out any kind of release. How old are you, and how often do you masturbate?


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## KFS (Nov 4, 2012)

Try to get past the embarrassment and talk with your fiance again. As others have said, it is very important to know how each of you feels about sexual matters BEFORE getting married. My husband and I were mismatched (I'm the one with the high drive) and yet we did not talk it through, thinking "it will all work out." In hindsight it would have been so much to our advantage if we had got it all out in the open first. Yes, I would have still married him and he would have married me, but it would have saved a lot of heartache if we had been honest from the beginning and knew how to compromise to best serve each others needs.

You love your fiance and I'm assuming, although he is a big man he is not a brute; tell him of your wedding night fears and I can't imagine that he won't go out of his way to make it as pleasant as he can for you (and, if after talking with him you feel that he won't do so, well, that is a red flag right there).

Like I said, if my husband and I had it to do all over again we would talk openly and frankly about all our concerns - financial, sexual, etc - before the marriage. Hubby and I have often said that if we were giving advice to couples soon to be married, this would be it: talk about the big essentials before you walk down the aisle!

Good luck.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

brigal77 said:


> Ummm, I guess
> 
> 1. I'm scared about being inexperienced and not being a good lover, which i know is kind of silly
> 
> ...


It will be special! It will be awesome! It will also be confusing and complicated and maybe even awkward! How good are you at kissing? I bet you're probably damn good! Did you start off being a good kisser? Of course not, no one does. We have to learn and we learn as we so it. The key to learning to like sex and being good at it is being open and honest. "That feels good, oh I like that.." If something doesn't feel good say it. If you don't orgasm, and you're not likely to orgasm during sex for a time, don't fake it. Be honest, say no I didn't or no I don't think so or I'm not sure but it felt kinda cool.

Stay away from PORN!!!! It doesn't educate and leave both men and women with false ideas about what bodies look like and how body acts and what is supposed to feel good. It's false. It's okay to watch porn with your H later. But you need to go into marriage knowing your body, not some porn actress body.

Masturbate often. Learn to make yourself orgasm and then masturbate for your husband so he can see what you like and what works.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Some of this advice is terrible. For god sakes, please ignore the porn, get experience advice. 

Yes, you are inexperienced. The only way you get experience is by doing it. So, enjoy that you get to go on a journey with the man you love. I promise he doesn't expect some crazy antics from you. He knows the deal.

The only thing you need to worry about and the only thing to keep up in your marriage is to maintain a positive attitude and an open mind toward sex. That's it. Everything else will find it's level. 

Problems arise when people start attributing negative feelings towards sex. This can come from all sorts of places. Understand that it will take you time to figure out what feels good for you, and it'll take time for you both to be able to communicate without it being super awkward. But you have a lifetime to figure it out.

Positive, honest and open minded goes a long way.

Congrats, I hope you have a great life together.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I come from a culture where virginity (male and female alike) is very common on the wedding night. 

Here's what - please be aware that most women don't have orgasms from intercourse. I don't know why we are designed with apparent prejudice - but those are the facts. If you start having orgasms with intercourse please don't ever take for granted how lucky you are.

For the rest of us it takes clitoral stimulation, fingers and mouth, vibrators. 

I was engaged for 3 years in my previous environment and hadn't had sex. I remember we all talked about having sex and really expected the orgasms to just naturally occur like they did for men. Sadly this is just not the truth of the matter. 

Or not sadly - it's not sad really unless you are expecting it to happen effortlessly and later have to go through the disillusionment of it not happening. 

Lemme tell you what - communication. Communication times a million.


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## Coach8 (Jun 17, 2013)

My wife was a virgin. I was not. Communication is SO important. Don't be afraid to tell him what you want, and encourage him to do the same. We are just starting to communicate well about sex, 10 years in. I was afraid to tell her what I wanted, for fear of her thinking I was a freak. She didn't communicate with me because she expected me to lead her, because I was more experienced. Lack of communication led to a poor sex life, which caused resentment. I also had a fidelity slip up, which probably wouldn't have happened if I had communicated my wants and desires. We recently started communicating better. Our sex life has been great lately. Please don't let embarrassment or awkwardness get in the way of a fulfilling sex life. Enjoy each other to the fullest.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I have a friend that is 6 feet 5 inches tall and weighs 260. Not fat, but just a huge guy. Now he met and married a girl 30+ years ago and she's 4 foot 10 inches tall and weighs 90 pounds. 

I don't know if she was a virgin when they got married but she on a couple of occasions would joke about their size difference and how they were the butt of all the jokes. 

I asked him one night how they managed to have sex with the size difference and actually they both laughed about it and said where there is a will, there's a way.

He told me the first night they slept together that he was more worried about rolling over on her in the middle of the night then anything else. He also laughed and said that she walked kind of funny the next day. Thing is, we all know to this day if they had sex the night before because she still walks funny and yes someone will poke fun and ask her "Hey______! Why are you walking like that and she always points to him and say's it's his fault. 

I don't know your height or weight or you fiancé's but it can't be like those two and they have no problem. 3 kids and a good life. Good people too. Don't worry. be happy. He'll be gentle with you because your special to him and he loves you. 

Watch folks. She'll be back telling everyone she gave him a heart attack on their honeymoon because he couldn't keep up with her. (just joking) Best of luck to you.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

You have absolutely no idea how excited your man is to finally have sex with you. Being someones first, especially your new wife, would be absolutely amazing.

Relax, he isnt expecting you to know anything. As far as sex drives, you have no idea what your sex drive is. After it happens, you may love it and want it all the time now that you know how amazing it is.

As far as performance expectations, just be passionate and completely into him. Trust me, I'm sure he's just as scared of his performance as you are of his. 

Your future husband is a lucky guy.


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## Coach8 (Jun 17, 2013)

I will say from being in your husband's shoes that I wauis afraid of hurting her early in the marriage. Be honest with him, if you want him to be more aggressive during sex (not talking about the wedding night, but as you get more comfortable), reassure him that he's not hurting you. BTW, I am 12 inches taller and 90 lbs heavier than my wife, sex has never been mechanically an issue for us.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> Relax, he isnt expecting you to know anything. As far as sex drives, you have no idea what your sex drive is. After it happens, you may love it and want it all the time now that you know how amazing it is.


And she may find she doesn't much care for it all. Positive thinking doesn't feed the bulldog.

If you take your marital vows seriously, it behooves you to go in knowing whether or not you have mismatched sex drives, because it might just end your marriage one day. If you also take chastity before marriage seriously, that's a harder question to answer. But a person knows, even before marriage, if sex is going to be important to them. Important enough at least to work hard on getting right.


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

Hi everyone!! thanks for all the advice, I'm feeling a lootttt better about everything. I took the "talk" advice, we talked for a while last night after going out for halloween, which I did with him.

It was fun btw. He and some of his guy friends were spartans from that one "300" movie and he looked delicious. I was the disney princess Jasmine. 

after we got back and into real clothes I dragged him off for some talking. It was kind of awkward at first but it got better, he was really honest and frank about everything. He told me about 3894792 times that if anything my being a virgin was really hot and he said the idea of getting to teach me was a really big turn on for him. 

and thanks everyone talking about size differences in relationships cause that's where we are. He's a little over a head taller than me, was a big football player and wrestler in school, and is in the army now, and is quite a bit heavier than me and it's just about all muscle. I told him I was nervous of being crushed and he blushed and laughed and said he would be careful when on top of me like not to just drop all his weight right on me, but that there were a lot of fun benefits for me like him being able to pick me up and move us into really exotic positions easily. I also managed to ask about his "other size" and he admitted that he was on the larger side which meant our first time he'd have to go really slow until I adjusted. I never really thought much about men's size before really but knowing my fiance is bigger than most seems exciting. I don't know why. Maybe I'm weird lol. 

we talked about birth control and decided while we want kids fairly soon we probably don't want them for like at least 6 months to a year at least. he knew a lot more about that stuff than me and said i should look at IUDs.

we talked a bit more about sex like positions and things and amount. I told him he better keep his spartan halloween costume. We ended up doing some great kissing on the couch and it got pretty passionate. It might have gone further but neither of us thought the couch at his bachelor friend's house during a halloween get together was the best place lol!

and a lot of people asked so yes, I do masturbate. It seems like I've been doing quite a lot recently.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

brigal77 said:


> Hi everyone!! thanks for all the advice, I'm feeling a lootttt better about everything. I took the "talk" advice, we talked for a while last night after going out for halloween, which I did with him.
> 
> It was fun btw. He and some of his guy friends were spartans from that one "300" movie and he looked delicious. I was the disney princess Jasmine.
> 
> ...


Well done!

Pb&j
9 out of 10


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

brigal77 said:


> we talked about birth control and decided while we want kids fairly soon we probably don't want them for like at least 6 months to a year at least. he knew a lot more about that stuff than me and said i should look at IUDs.


I'd suggest having the birth control discussion with a gynecologist, too. Your fiance may know more than you do, but he doesn't know everything, like what all the risks are and the effects of the hormones in most birth control, including some IUD's. 

Some doctors don't like to prescribe IUD's for women who have not had children yet. Others don't recommend it if you are planning on taking it out in 6 months to a year - IUD's can stay in for up to 10 years. He also might not know that it hurts to insert and remove it. And that it might cause breakthrough bleeding for a while.

In any case, go to a gynecologist now to get checked out and discuss birth control. You can also go to the Planned Parenthood website which has a great chart that shows the different types of birth control, success rates, etc. Learn what your options are and then talk with him again.

For your first time together, you might also want to have some lube on hand to help ease things, especially if his penis is on the larger side. Or, make sure he gives you oral first, and even gives you an orgasm first so you are good and wet when he tries penetration.

Finally, missionary is not the only position. If you're afraid of his weight, get on top with him lying down or him sitting up. That way, YOU control the penetration when YOU are ready, and you control the speed and depth so he can't hurt you inadvertently.

And, yes, stay away from porn as instructional videos! Porn is mostly designed to turn men on visually, and the way people have sex in porn is not likely to give you any kind of orgasm or anywhere near it.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

seeking sanity said:


> Some of this advice is terrible. For god sakes, please ignore the porn, get experience advice.
> 
> Yes, you are inexperienced. The only way you get experience is by doing it. So, enjoy that you get to go on a journey with the man you love. I promise he doesn't expect some crazy antics from you. He knows the deal.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

most men I know find flattering when a woman loss her virginity to them, don't le the thoughts of insucurity and inexperience plague your head.

If he has not pressured you is because he respects and like the idea, I have to accept is very romantic the though of giving yourself for first time the moment you commit with some for life.

I am sure he is happy and he knows what to expect, (probably he has bragged with his friends about it already). so don't worry inexperience from the women is not a bigdeal for us.

The advise I can give you is, when you finally do it, don't be ashame of your body or he looking at it, he is your life partner and don't be affraid to experiment in sex, don't be reserved about it, unless it hurts everything is all right (well first night is going to hurt, but i mean after that).

and have fun learning with him what your personal preferences in bed are.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brigal77 said:


> I told him I was nervous of being crushed and he blushed and laughed and said he would be careful when on top of me like not to just drop all his weight right on me, but that there were a lot of fun benefits for me like him being able to pick me up and move us into really exotic positions easily.


He is totally right, if you are petite, he can hold you in the air while doing it with his own streng and is one fo the biggest turn on for both male and female.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Having sex with a big, strong, tall man is great!

My only advice would be to make sure you have lube with you. If you are a bit anxious you may stay too dry and oral sex is not going to get you nearly wet enough.


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

manticore said:


> He is totally right, if you are petite, he can hold you in the air while doing it with his own streng and is one fo the biggest turn on for both male and female.


That sounds fantastic. 

And thanks for the help all. I'll definitely make an appointment with a gynecologist to talk about stuff. And lube would be good I suppose just in case. I get really moist really quickly when we kiss and stuff but I guess it's better to be over prepared especially if he's endowed.

Also got a text a while ago from my fiancé saying he's booked, paid and finalized everything for the honeymoon, and I'm hot and gorgeous and beautiful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

manticore said:


> He is totally right, if you are petite, he can hold you in the air while doing it with his own streng and is one fo the biggest turn on for both male and female.


 I'd hold off on that position until your more comfortable but when you do, I hope you have a sound proof room unless you want the neighbors to know your business. 

Sounds like you have a good guy and from what you have said, he's going to be very careful with you Best of luck.


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

6301 said:


> I'd hold off on that position until your more comfortable but when you do, I hope you have a sound proof room unless you want the neighbors to know your business.
> 
> Sounds like you have a good guy and from what you have said, he's going to be very careful with you Best of luck.


Oh gosh well, we actually will be living in a small cabin a bit out in a more rural area, so our neighbors aren't very close. Yay privacy.


Um and weird question what is body hair on a man like in bed? We were kind of discussing ah wedding grooming and he said he would be thrilled if I was shaved which I'm fine with. He asked what I wanted on him and I'm like uh I'll think about it. He has blond body hair and he keeps it manscaped and trim, but it's pretty thick. It's like a gold fuzzy rug on his chest and i think it makes him look more mature and sexy because not a lot of guys his age have much chest hair. But I've seen him with a shaved chest too and think that's hot stuff too. It's just different.

I dunno if it would chafe or create more body odor or what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I like body hair on a man, but not face stubble as that is too harsh. I don't need my privates to be sandpapered!

Shaved balls are OK but I don't personally like a fully shaved look. Unless the hair is very wiry it does not chafe - blond hair does not tend to be all that wiry in my experience.

Body hair does hold odours and that is a good thing about it, in my view. I like the smell of a man - of course he has to be clean but so long as he is then the fresh smell of a man is way better than the smell of soap.

If you are going to shave then I would start now to get yourself used to it. Also to make sure you don't come out in a terrible shaving rash, which would not be a good look on a wedding night!


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I like body hair on a man, but not face stubble as that is too harsh. I don't need my privates to be sandpapered!
> 
> Shaved balls are OK but I don't personally like a fully shaved look. Unless the hair is very wiry it does not chafe - blond hair does not tend to be all that wiry in my experience.
> 
> ...


Thanks! Yeah I just like it... With that sexy chest rug he just looks so manly! I can imagine him in flannel and chopping firewood. I don't know about man smells, I guess as long as he doesn't smell like death or rotting something repulsive I'm alright. I'll ask him to make sure his pubic hair is trim though. Not totally hairless but really short. And fortunately I already keep myself really neat, so full shaving won't be too drastic or new. A rash there on a wedding night would be awful!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

the most important things have been covered- 
Masturbation is a HUGE one ... if you aren't, then your sex drives are not going to be compatible. 
communication is also big.... not sure if you are doing any pre martial counseling, mostly,, those are a joke. read, read, read- here, although, honestly, you can screw your mind up pretty bad here, remember that people come here because they have problems mostly. get books like the 5 love languages, and look through web sites like marriage builders. I agree about staying away from porn though. google is your friend, find out how your body works, and his! knowledge makes it much better when the clothes come off. 
depending on your boundaries, non-penatrive sex acts like "dry humping" oral sex, and mutual masturbation can take the awkwardness and fear out of the wedding night, but still leave amazing anticipation. 
be honest with yourself, and decide how you want to face topics like anal sex, blowjobs, and his cum in your mouth or body. these are things that probably aren't going to be an issue right away, but they are going to come up.
being on the same page in regards to finances and sexuality are going to help your marriage avoid the two largest hurdles people face. best wishes!


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## brigal77 (Oct 30, 2013)

soulsearch said:


> the most important things have been covered-
> Masturbation is a HUGE one ... if you aren't, then your sex drives are not going to be compatible.
> communication is also big.... not sure if you are doing any pre martial counseling, mostly,, those are a joke. read, read, read- here, although, honestly, you can screw your mind up pretty bad here, remember that people come here because they have problems mostly. get books like the 5 love languages, and look through web sites like marriage builders. I agree about staying away from porn though. google is your friend, find out how your body works, and his! knowledge makes it much better when the clothes come off.
> depending on your boundaries, non-penatrive sex acts like "dry humping" oral sex, and mutual masturbation can take the awkwardness and fear out of the wedding night, but still leave amazing anticipation.
> ...


Thanks! I've been masturbating a lot, so I hope that's a good sign. Like once or twice a day. And I'll look at those books. We've been talking a lot about boundaries and stuff in sex the past few days. As for humping and masturbating each other and stuff, we've had some very hot and heavy horizontal kissing sessions! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm not a fan of condoms, especially in marriage. But I do think it would be worth considering them for the short term. If he's in the army you can get good long term bc and gyno care for free through them after you're married. Unless you already have good insurance.


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## How am I Going to Surviv (Sep 12, 2013)

Get the book "Sheet Music". It's available at Amazon; either hardcopy or Kindle. It's exactly targeted at you and your fiance' and has advice for both of you.


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## Janna (Nov 6, 2013)

I was in the same position so I can completely relate. I wish I had known so many things all those years back. I'll let you in on a little secret- sex isn't really about the physical stuff. "good" sex (whatever that means) is about feeling safe, connected, important and loved. Talk as much as you can about how you feel and don't ever be afraid to let him know what works and not. You will need more time and care then him- don't worry about it- it was how you were made. And just so you know, it takes some time to learn about each other so be patient with yourself. Good luck!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Aw, what a lovely thread. Your fiance is a good guy, he obviously loves and respects you very much.

I was going to say that he would LOVE the fact that he's going to be your first, so don't worry about that for a minute. 

It sounds like you do have a strong sex drive given that you masturbate quite a bit so that's good too 

On your wedding night, definitely have some lube handy but also trust your man. Let him take the lead, and go slowly and gently. Everything will be fine.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Aw, what a lovely thread. Your fiance is a good guy, he obviously loves and respects you very much.

I was going to say that he would LOVE the fact that he's going to be your first, so don't worry about that for a minute. 

It sounds like you do have a strong sex drive given that you masturbate quite a bit so that's good too 

On your wedding night, definitely have some lube handy but also trust your man. Let him take the lead, and go slowly and gently. Everything will be fine.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Sounds like everything is going to be great.:smthumbup:

All I can say, is communicate with him what your needs are, fantasies, and if you're in the mood, don't expect him to read your mind, you must initiate and be obvious about it.

If you need more the emotional connection, cuddling, feeling safe and loved and he needs just sex, make sure he knows your needs and you know his.

Never turn down his ideas, unless its painful or there is no way its happening ever and he should never turn down your ideas either. The sky is the limit.

Don't get comfy in the marriage. After a few years, if sex isn't as important anymore, please never let that happen.

Always be spontaneous and unpredictable. Never routine and planned.

If you both are fit and sexy now, you should both be fit and sexy after you're married. Take care of yourselves.

Too many spouses here turn out to be low sex drive after they get married and the other spouse is going crazy and wondering why the change?


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