# how can he say he still has feelings for me but he doesn't love me!



## brokenhearted1 (Apr 19, 2010)

Okay I am extremely confused even more now, as I said before my husband of 18 years decided his feelings changed almost 3 weeks ago and he left me with three children. We never had the strongest communication but I always tried. We have been speaking every day maybe 6-8 times a day via text messaging on our cells, I know it isn't important to some but you see this is the most we have really ever spoken on a given day. He comes to see the kids every night and talks to them also every day. My confusion is this: he came while I was preparing dinner yesterday so I asked him if he would like to stay. He said yes. While dinner was cooking we had some time to speak alone on the patio while the kids were inside. I asked him why he was giving up on us so quick without even a fight. He said he didn't want it to go back to where we are now. He told me he cannot deny he has feelings for me we have a very long history together over 20+ yrs he also said the thought of another man treating me the way he should have bothers him, I also told him the thought of another woman having his heart would be very painful. I asked him if we could try to work this out, he did not say yes he did not say no. He said maybe he needs to see what he is missing, so I took a stand and told him not to come over for a few days and maybe he will begin to miss us a little. Was I wrong?? In my heart I know there are strong feelings between us I just think with all the stress and everything else he has held in over the years he just needs to refind it again. I told him we needed to be friends again and start new. Please advise am I making s mistake with this. My heart says no and we deserve a fighting chance, I just don't know what to feel anymore.


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I'm in a similar situation with my H, except that he has told me that he cares about, just not in love with me anymore. At least yours still has some sort of "love" feelings for you. But as far as taking a step back, good move. Everything I have read (an abundance) has recommended backing off in this situation. Make him really see his life without you. It's harder to do when you have kids, because of course they want to see and talk to dad, which means you also have to. Best thing is for him to stay gone a few days, and only have the kids talk to him on the phone. Maybe a good night text or something, but limit the talking. Also I would suggest counseling, either together or just for him. Sometimes we have problems or hang ups we aren't even aware of, and an impartial 3rd party could help. I wish you the best of luck, just tread lightly and try to be patient. See if he likes the idea of going on a date with you after a few days, do something silly and fun, and try not to talk about anything heavy. I think that sometimes men realize that they are with one woman (no matter how great she is) and it will only be her, forever, and they freak out. Until they realize that noone else on earth will love them the way we do. I hope mine sees that soon.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Hopefully that works for women too. I have been gone for one week now and don't have a clue if my wife gives a hoot or not. She didn't tell me to leave, just that she had been waiting for a year for me to go. Nice, huh? I am getting on with things, but still want her to want me back. But I won't go back unless she wants me and is willing to put some effort into it as well, it can't be all one sided as it was. Or I will just keep getting on with things. I can't see how you can see your H everyday and act as all is well, that would drive me nuts, I know I couldn't handle that. I personally think you made the right decision, for whatever that is worth.


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