# Am i just being stupid or what!?



## theBlameGame (May 6, 2009)

Ok, so for the past few days I have been sleeping our second bedroom. Which means for almost a week now I haven't shared a bed, nor slept with him. It started this weekend when we had a huge fight regarding things in the past that of course still remains unsolved. Oh, that includes money issues of course. 

Now, I find myself feeling better now that I'm being distant from him. He's asked me a couple of times if I'm sleeping in our bedroom and I say "no". When he asks why, I just say "I don't know, I guess it makes me feel better.

I know no married woman should do this but I find this to be helping me to calm down and go the opposite direction from divorce.

What do you think? Am I just being stupidly stubborn or what? Or better yet has anyone out there done this?


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

If it helps you calm down so you can see the issues more clearly, then no, it's not stupid. But whatever your issues are with your husband, they won't go away by themselves. By staying in the other bedroom, it's like you are hiding from the problems. At some point, you will need to face them. Communication with your husband is the only way to get past this.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Yes talking is the only way. You can't broom them under the rug. The issue that got you there isn't resolved yet. After you calm down think about a plan to talk to him. Come to an agreement and move on.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Well, unless you put a string between two tin cans and run them from "your room" to "his room" the issues are not going to get solved by sleeping elsewhere! 

Withholding sex and sleeping in another bedroom is a sure fire way to get your DH to see someone else's view; people we are not married to often look greener.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sounds similar to something i did a few years ago. my h and i were fighting constantly so one day i said (or screamed, hard to remember) that i was not going to talk about "us" for a week. my original intention was to try and punish him or something, but i ended up learning that sometimes one just needs a break from "us". it didnt solve everything, but it showed me that although things were horrid between us, i could still feel a semblance of peace, and that perhaps i was part of the problem.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sleeping in the same bed does not make a marriage. If your more comfortable in another room for whatever reason....

do it.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Blanca said:


> sounds similar to something i did a few years ago. my h and i were fighting constantly so one day i said (or screamed, hard to remember) that i was not going to talk about "us" for a week. my original intention was to try and punish him or something, but i ended up learning that sometimes one just needs a break from "us". it didnt solve everything, but it showed me that although things were horrid between us, i could still feel a semblance of peace, and that perhaps i was part of the problem.


Very rarely is 1 person the cause for conflict. When you have time to think and step back you see things clearer.


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## Questioning (Aug 5, 2009)

preso said:


> Sleeping in the same bed does not make a marriage. If your more comfortable in another room for whatever reason....
> 
> do it.


I completely agree. If having him back out of your personal space for a bit is what you need to calm down and think straight then that's what you have to do. It doesn't sound like you are trying to withhold anything or punish him.
Just make sure you communicate to him that it's not a punishment. We all communicate and seal with stress in different ways and this is yours.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

I agree w/pretty much those whom say if you need it for a few days do it, but don't stay too long. Communicate as things don't go away on their own this is true.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Questioning said:


> I completely agree. If having him back out of your personal space for a bit is what you need to calm down and think straight then that's what you have to do. It doesn't sound like you are trying to withhold anything or punish him.
> Just make sure you communicate to him that it's not a punishment. We all communicate and seal with stress in different ways and this is yours.



exactly.:iagree:


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Questioning said:


> I completely agree. If having him back out of your personal space for a bit is what you need to calm down and think straight then that's what you have to do. It doesn't sound like you are trying to withhold anything or punish him.
> Just make sure you communicate to him that it's not a punishment. We all communicate and seal with stress in different ways and this is yours.



Yah telling him sleeping in another room makes you feel better isnt punishing. Neither is the silent treatment. Or withholding sex as a weapon. None of that stuff is punishment. Neither is waterboarding. Or bamboo shoots under fingernails. Or poking someone in the eye with a spoon. None of those things is punishment.


What you need to do is quit hiding in the other room with your head in the sand hoping these "Issues of the past" somehow resolve themselves. I guess eventually they will...resolves themselves into an affair by your husband with a woman who shows him affection. You need to come on out and either discuss these issues until solved, or agree to leave them in the past. Hakuna Matata.

It's like that old fire safety cartoon. Hiding under the bed is not a safe place. Or in your case, in the other room.




John


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