# He left the door open...



## congafla (Jan 19, 2021)

Back in October


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Oh, I am very sorry for you. I hope he didn't give you unnecessary hope just to try to make himself feel better, or hedge his bets. I know that is not the answer you want to hear but it would be healthier for you in the long run if you get yourself to a place where you know you have just as much potential for happiness without him.

What you are going through is really rough.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

So, he's basically just keeping you on the hook in case whatever he's got going in his own life doesn't pan out. You're a backup plan, a second choice, a fallback position for him - while he's still your priority. Why are you willing to tolerate being treated as nothing more than an option?

OP, you probably need to find a good therapist and work on improving your self-esteem and on healthy boundaries. You seem to be lacking in both areas. There's nothing romantic or loving or healthy about waiting and pining for someone who's already said they don't love you and don't want to spend their life with you. Figure out how to love _yourself_ enough to not be willing to be anyone's backup plan.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

If it were me, I'd find a lawyer and have him served.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

congafla said:


> This obviously broke my heart. He still tells me he loves me and the last time we saw each other in person, a month ago, he told me that there was a _SLIGHT_ chance that he might change his mind.


I think this was a very manipulative thing for him to say to you. Also, I don't think you should be working to try and be with someone because they said there is a slight chance it will pay off. It sounds to me like he is either keeping you around as a backup plan in case his new girl doesn't work out (Yeah, I think he has someone else) or he just likes the attention you give him when you try so hard to make things work.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Don't ever, ever, prioritize someone ahead of yourself. in life you are first. Since you are first, you cannot let a man have you as a back up plan, if that at all. If you do that, then there's something missing from your self; whether that is self respect, confidence, worth, etc., you need to regain that back. Moreover, what have "your love" toward him got to do with anything here? that's not the problem. 

You can love him all you want, but that doesn't mean that you have to put up, accept, and stand by the side waiting for crumps, or any of his self serving behavior toward you, nor you accepting it. Your love for him might hurt you deeply, but you are not a 13 years old teen crying for her first lost puppy love. You are an adult that needs to realize that your love for him will not bring him back, and that you shouldn't be standing by waiting for those crumps that might never materialize.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

congafla said:


> I am absolutely fixated on the fact that there may be a glimmer of hope for us.


Don't be, there isn't. 

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but people speak with words and their actions either support their words or they don't. Talk is cheap in other words. As others have said, it would be good for you to focus on your own well-being. Seeing a counselor might help you toward a healthier perspective.


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