# I feel like no one cares about my coming baby



## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

I am 7 months pregnant and wish I was happy. I am happy about this baby, but now we're looking to pay $3,000 to finish the basement for my BIL instead of spending the money getting ready for baby.

Here's the story..

Well my sympathy towards my MIL has finally bitten me in the *ss. 2 years ago husband and I decided that she and her son could move in with us and pay us rent that is way cheaper than what she paid in her old place. My BIL is 27 and doesn't work, sleeps all day, don't do chores, or help her pay rent, etc.. (and MIL lets him). I am from Asia and a family where we respect the elders. I felt sorry for my MIL..
(MIL is from Asia but her children grew up here).

The longer they live here, the more I hate BIL for not doing anything (I am crazy, aren't I?). Husband had been trying to get BIL to get a job but of course, BIL never listens.

Beginning of 2013 I found out I'm pregnant. I asked my husband to tell them to move out when I was 4 months (because it's impossible to just tell BIL to move out). He didn't do anything, until I deliberately hurt myself (I didn't hurt the baby). When MIL was told that, she gave me silent treatment. 

Maybe about two weeks ago, I had no choice but to speak to BIL ('cause husband would never do it), that I'd need his room in a month 'cause my family is coming. Of course he asked that we finish the basement for him to sleep in. I was defeated, I just said I will talk to my husband. Oh, he also said, "why do you guys decide to have a baby so fast?" and my dad paid his accommodation (not the plane ticket) to my wedding 6 years ago. 

Some people say (I'm in Canada) that I can give him eviction notice and call the cops if he doesn't leave by the date. But somehow, I just want a divorce. I am tired of dealing with him and his family. My husband never wants to talk about this, either ignores me just by giving me "hmm" response or change the subject. He doesn't talk about what's going on in the house to MIL and BIL either. Like when my dad came last time, he never told them, twice. I asked him to tell BIL the date that my mom is coming but I have a feeling that he will never do it. 

I used to contribute to the house but stopped since they came. Recently husband asked me to contribute some again, which I did partly.. partly I refused because it's not fair that we all contribute except for BIL. He was pissed at me. I am giving him silent treatment most of the time, hoping that he'd either get me a divorce or get his family to get their **** together.

Thanks for reading..


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

damsel said:


> 2 years ago husband and I decided that she and her son could move in with us and *pay us rent.*
> 
> Maybe about two weeks ago, I had no choice but to speak to BIL ('cause husband would never do it), that I'd need his room in a month 'cause my family is coming.
> 
> I asked him to tell BIL the date that my mom is coming but I have a feeling that he will never do it.


I wonder if your mother will also pay you rent?


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

A++ said:


> I wonder if your mother will also pay you rent?


No and I wouldn't ask. It doesn't sound fair but here's why.
Everytime my family comes here they always give money more than we need. And they pay for groceries, food and gas.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

A++ said:


> I wonder if your mother will also pay you rent?


2 years is a long time for BIL to free load.


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

mablenc said:


> 2 years is a long time for BIL to free load.


yes, but no one cares except for me. My husband is pissed about his brother too but he doesn't do anything about it. 
And not just 2 years, he stopped working since 3-4 years ago, never paid his mom rent.


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

Oh and one reason why husband doesn't want to kick BIL out is because he wants to look good in front of his Mom, be a good kid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Your husband is not acting like a husband but a hero for his family, ask your family if you can stay with them, move out and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

I'm also from an Asian culture but I have to say that sometimes we allow cultural mores to dictate things rather than having us decide what is best for our marriages. 

Sure, it's cultural to say that we need to respect elders but respecting an elder doesn't mean you allow them to freeload and they can walk all over you. I'm sorry but what is going on here sounds like enabling their poor behavior and it sounds like they're being allowed to walk all over you, because you are trying to do something nice for them. 

If this is your first pregnancy, I would really think about having a discussion with your husband on whether or not having them live with you is going to work out. Sometimes people think having multi-generational family homes is a great thing for everything but it's not-- it's a great thing for SOME families, not all. What are they going to do when they decide that the baby is too much noise, there's too much going on with the baby, the baby this, and that? Right now so much attention is being devoted to them, and you're thinking of an eviction which will just cause more family discord. I don't think the situation will improve after the baby is here.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

You could simply say, either the BIL goes or you do. He can decide....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your husband will have to support you financially if you move out. I suggest you do so asap so you have time to set up your new apartment for you and the baby. Then, MAYBE, your H will get his head out of his you know what and realize what he's throwing away.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

I like the comments about making your H choose. It's dramatic, yes, but not being dramatic hasn't gotten you anywhere. I worry though that since you are pregnant he/his family could dismiss it as a hormonal pregnant woman's ravings.

Why do *you* have to finish the basement? If BIL needs to live there, and it is not up to his standard, it is perfectly reasonable to expect that he will bring it up to his standards by himself. 

I imagine when you moved into your home you had some rooms that you did not like or some aspects you wanted changed; did you turn around and ask your realtor or the previous owner to pay for those? Or the builder? No! Because that's crazy. It's your home, it's your space, you pay for it.


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