# Is it better to just move on?



## Ladybug.06 (Jul 29, 2009)

Lately I have been feeling very unhappy in my marriage and I don't know why....well lets start in the beginning I got married when I was 18 and pregnat with my first child my husband was 20 and definelty not ready to settle down - I forgave him for everything he did in the past and finally has changed his ways in the last year, I know he has been trying hard to make our marriage work and change the way he is but I've been feeling very unhappy within the last couple of months....I feel like I don't even want to kiss him like he iritates me like I hate the way he is sometimes - I seem to get irritated by everything he does from the way he tries to raise our children to the way he talks to me and others - he has always been this way but lately I feel like I hate it - he has a lot of machismo - like I can't stand him sometimes. Another problem is that he wants sex every day and it stresses me out I don't want sex everyday I can handle 2 - 3 times a week but that's it. I feel like he is just another stress in my life - I already have 3 young kids, I work, and go to school plus I live with my in-laws which is another stress. My husband told me that I don't love him anymore and that it is best if we get divorced now before we get any older, he is afraid that I will leave him when it is too late for him to start over. Maybe I'm just unhappy with myself I got married too young and didn't enjoy my life now I'm stuggling to go to college with three kids and I feel like I don't want to be a wife, I want my freedom, I want to be able to do what I want when I want and being a wife there are some things that for him are inappropriate for me to do - like go dancing with my friends. I think I do love my husband but I'm so confused I don't understand why I have been acting the way I have with him. Is it better to just move on - I feel unhappy and that's making him unhappy.


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Calm down..first. You sound stressed.

The grass is no greener on the other side....and you probably won't find happiness in your next relationship. Plus it isn't glamerous to be a single mother...it is down right horrible. I have three boys...and trust me.....I wouldn't recommend it.

If he is willing to work on things then you might think about cutting him some slack. It might work out....unhappiness...feeling trapped and that you gave up your life are normal...but would you give your kids up? I so don't believe you would. You have to look at marriage the same way....he won't always make you blissfully happy but then....he can. And your kids will drive you nuts...the older they get...the worse it gets. But you still love them...wouldn't throw them away. 

You have resentment.......anger....possibly guilt for wanting some freedom. But nothing good can come of going "dancing" with friends. Remember the young girl...Natalie halloway. Date rape drugs.....weirdos.....that is what is hanging out in places like that....so unless your husband is with you...for your own safety...jsut don't do it.

I know it might sound harsh..or like I'm picking on you...but I'm not. I really think you can fix this marriage adn that you should really sit down adn tell your husband that. Hey...we made a commitment...better or worse. and I am going to honor that. I am going to start today and I want you to be on board with that.

I know your life is stressful...it's stressin me just reading about it...but being single doesn't mean you are free....and it won't solve the stress....you wil still be going to school and have three small kids...and no one there to groan to. And his mentallity that he will be too old to start over is off base too......you don't jump out of the frying pan when it's hot....just to go flopping into the fire. 

Just consider my opinion...and that is what it is.....simply my opinion. Take care sweetie....good luck. Adn remember ...it won't be like this for long......you'll miss it when the kids are grown and you were too stressed to enjoy their every little smile. From someone who knows.


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## Candice (May 29, 2009)

I can relate to your exact situation. Married my husband when I was 18 and he was 20...our first child arrived a year later. I went to school and raised our child, ran a household etc etc. I feel like I have always been an adult. I have gone through the exact same thing your are going through now. I honestly think you are going through burn out. I did. I always took care of everyone else and totally neglected myself. You need to take care of yourself. Decide what you want from life and pursue it. You probably just need some "me" time and then you can enjoy being a wife and mother again. Take an hour by yourself and get your nails or hair done. Join a gym(that really helps relieve stress). You do need to communicate whats going through your head to your hubby. Once you figure it out of course. Explain that you need some alone time occasionally. Tell him you need less sex ( I wish I had that problem!) I am sure you are just totally stressed and need to recharge. I think everything will be alright. Marriage has its ups and downs...right now you are just down.


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## Ladybug.06 (Jul 29, 2009)

Thank you for your advice Candice and Denise K!

Yea you are totally right I'm just really stressed and need to stop taking on so much that I can't handle. Denise, I know what you mean about the going out dancing with my friends part I'm not even a party person but I guess I just let my friends influence me but I guess that's also why they can't get it together in their marriages. I have had numerous conversations with my husband about this I have to yell at him to get him to help me sometimes I have to ramble on about how much I have going on to get him to help me clean up and sometimes on the weekends he takes the kids for the day so I can get my homework done peacefully, we even talked about me going to the library for 2hrs. 3 times a week to work on my homework and he agreed but I never did it, partly becuase he gets home so late from work......I just need to get firm on what my needs are so I can be less stressed and more enjoyable to be around because Denise you are so right when you said I will regret not enjoying my little ones because I am stressed all the time. I have also talked to my husband about less sex like you suggested Candice but I just get so stressed and feel like I don't have time for sex but well that's something we just can't agree on maybe if I can fix things so that I don't stress all the time I will want sex more often. I will have to talk to my husband about this tomorrow at least today is the last day of the semester and as soon as I get my final done today I will feel very relieved and more clear-headed tomorrow.
Thank you both for your response you made me feel MUCH better!!


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

I know...when you are stressed...sex sucks...it did for me too. No time....and it drives you crazy. Yes...tell him what you need.....and then when he does it..enjoy. Forget the past...it's over....look to the future.

You sound so smart and I realize that sometimes when we are on here we are so stressed....everything comes out in a ramble. Helps to have someone help sort our thoughts out...I know it sure does me.

Do stuff to relax yourself and you tell that hubby that you need help....NOW. Asap. Before you crack....but do it with a smile and once in a blue moon....give him a reason to smile....know what i mean. Talk youself into it....it doesn't take much.....tell youself how much you want that and then....surprise...you just might. 

Take care....and remember that those little ones are the most important thing to you....it's obvious. 

Keep on talking to....it helps to vent here....


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## Candice (May 29, 2009)

I am glad you are feeling better. Once things let up...and your stress level comes down...you will definitely want to have sex again. You need to take care of yourself...and everything else will fall into place.


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