# Ventured out last night....



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

for the first time in a hundred years. H and I never went very often, actually, never went out at all in the last 10 or more years of our marriage. Money was always a problem so we didn't do much of anything. Anyway, I went out with a friend to a bar that had live music. I was actually really excited about going out. Not looking for anything, not expecting anything, just wanted to finally get out of the house and possibly have a good time. Boy did I feel out of place. Everyone there was my age (mid 40's) and older and probably divorced as well. Didn't see too many wedding bands. Sadly, that was the first thing I looked for when looking at these people. A lot of the women were acting like 40-something floozies and the men were acting like 16 year old boys at a high school dance. It felt so awkward and I just wanted to curl up into my purse and sit there under the table. At midnight, after much yawning:sleeping: and my contacts starting to dry up and my head pounding from the horrible heart burn and loud music I told my friend "I've got to get out of this place". She wanted to shut the place down and dance, but I was having none of it. Talk about the worst feeling in the world. That scene is so far from my type of entertainment, much less trying to possibly meet someone. Like So Very Lost mentioned in one of her posts earlier in the week about being single forever, I'll probably never find anyone and will end up adopting a few cats and start cross-stitching for entertainment. This whole being single after 28 years is depressing stuff.

On the upside, I started IC on Thursday and am looking forward to mastering the art of letting go. I've let this whole hanging on to a very fine thread of hope that is probably not going to materialize now after almost 12 months separated. I just need to figure out how to let go. How to stop loving him.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Awwww. Well, you know, you went. Doesn't mean that every place is going to be such a disappointment, but I do think you should give yourself huge points for going!

And good for you for the IC.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

You do have a valid point, I did go.

One of the few things I learned in my first appt Thursday was that I've got social anxiety...which I kind of already knew. Just hearing a professional say it solidified it for me. Anyway, I really had to push myself to go, one minute looking forward to it, the next wanting to cancel. So progress? Yes, yes I believe I made a teeny bit of it!!


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You're trying and that's the main thing.At least you now know one of the places you would rather not be.You can meet some very nice people by being active in your community,volunteering and even your hobbies.Try things you've wanted to do but never had the time for in the past.Go to a wine tasting or similar event.Summer usually brings it's share of festivals,so get out and enjoy.You can meet someone to share your time with,so don't give up.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

So clubbing or bar hopping isn't your thing. Probably not mine either, but you will find something you enjoy. So don't give up. Kudos on getting out. Try something different. You will find something you enjoy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

JAW, what you wrote describes exactly how I feel almost every time I would go out to a bar, it starts out with such optimism but becomes so unpleasant so soon, and just leaves a disappointing taste in your mouth and makes you feel bad or broken for not having fun like everyone else says they always do.

My problem is here everyone acts on the street just as they would in a night club, its all the same sh!t and it really keeps me from feeling like part of civilization (if that's what they call it).

For me I always feel best going OUTdoors, a walk down a trail, either alone or with someone that you know can keep up. If you are going to go out to a club, make it a comedy club - I especially love improv, and live is 100x better than tv or anything because when you are there its almost as if you are part of the way the humor unfolds. Never laughed so hard in my life than at improv.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Lon,

The Canadian bar scene is known to be horrible for socializing and meeting people. In fact the bar scene is a reflection of the society where everyone sticks to their own kind and rarely holds a conversation with a stranger. All this talk about multiculturalism and mixing is BS. People are not mixing here. They're just segregated into different neighborhoods where their own kind reside and socialize.

I'm an outdoor guy myself. I don't think I can ever meet a girl at a bar. There needs to be an ongoing activity or story to the setting for me to feel comfortable and engaged.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Lon;832083 If you are going to go out to a club said:


> This sounds like an awesome idea and something I'll suggest to my friends for our next outting. My only problem with a comedy club is that I tend to get laughing so much I'm afraid I'll pee my pants!!! I know, I know, TMI! But its true! The trade off though is that I won't have to worry about some guy who's 3 sheets to the wind and missing his front teeth asking me to dance!
> 
> Thanks for all the feedback. Baby steps.


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