# Newbie to forum and marriage



## Tsquare9 (Oct 8, 2011)

Here's my situation. I have been with my wife for 6 years, married now for a little over a year (June 2010). Since getting married, we agreed that we would move from Dallas to San Antonio, to be closer to family, as soon as one of us found a job there. We did so knowing that only one of us might land a job, and that we might have to live on one income until the other found a job. Although we've both been pretty active in the job search, she always preferred that I get the job first so she could follow, since I was the one who followed her to Dallas.

Within the last couple of months, she tells me she has more responsibilities and that work is getting better. She also talks about a client she's been working with, and how she thinks he likes her. Let's call him Bob. She's admitted that she's found Bob attractive, but there's only "one person for her". I'm really not a jealous person, so I never thought much of it.

The last month, she's been working pretty late, a couple nights a week. Since we both work in the same industry, it's pretty common to have the occasional late night. Again, I didn't think much of it. 

However, I've been noticing some little things that aren't adding up, which just seem a little too suspicious for me - ex., having her phone with her all the time (in the bathroom, shower), being overprotective of her phone, erasing the browsing history on my computer, etc. Suspicious.

I get a job offer in SA. Initially, we're both thrilled and excited. As we talked more, she suggested that I move first because she wants to wrap up her project that has a November 18 deadline. She wants to leave on a good note. I'll be starting on October 31 so what's a couple of weeks? I'm okay with that.

So just recently, I pick up her phone to look something up on the internet and her screen is set on a text text message conversation between her and Bob. Yeah, it's friendly, lots of LOLs and , stuff like that. When I do go onto her phone's web browser to search what I was looking up, I see she's searched for him online.

We bring up our life plan again and she tells me that we should anticipate being away from each other as long as the beginning of next year, when the final, final deadline is for her project. She says it will be hard just on one income, I should stay with family there until she gets a job, because "you never know in this economy." She says I would be thinking the same if the roles were reversed.

I can't be for sure about anything right now, I don't want to jump to any conclusions. I've never snooped through her emails, followed her to work, done any stalker-husband-type things. I've been pretty trusting. So my question is, what is my plan of action? Do I confront her about her texts and searches for Bob? Do I do the stalker-husband-type thing and snoop through her emails, follow her to work? If I do this, she will bring up the trust issue. I just don't have a good feeling about any of this. I've never had this feeling before in our relationship, it sucks.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Install a keylogger on your computer. Check her cell phone statements for unusually high number of messages and if there is one number that appears more than all the others. If you have a chance, install mobistealth on her phone. Buy a few VAR (voice activated recorders) to place strategically inside the house or apartment. And install a GPS on her car so you can track her whereabouts.

Trust you gut feeling for when it comes to infidelity, it is usually right.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

There are too many red flags to count. It really sounds like as soon as you leave it will be a matter of time before she hooks up with this guy. Find out if he is married or has a girlfriend and expose it them. It may be your only chance to stop it. Good luck.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't move awat without her, clearly she is planning on hooking up with bob freely while you are away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Don't move awat without her, clearly she is planning on hooking up with bob freely while you are away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


Sounds like she can't wait for you to leave. Way to many red flags. Could be coincidence but hard to believe. 

Have private conversation with other mans wife and compare notes. Both working late at same time.

Any previous problems since you started going with her? 

RE the trust issue. She told you she was attracted to another man and now she wants you to leave her alone indefinitely until she finds a new job. There is absolutely a trust issue here.

Above all you need to move QUICKLY to bust this situation up.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

She's asking you in her own way to give her lots of time with the OM. And if you do, you indirectly granted her wish to indulge into the deepest level of an affair.

Put on the brakes. Lay down the law.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She gave you a heads up when she said she was attracted to this guy. That was your cue to do somethig about it. You should not have let that slide. But you are here now.

You need to gather information very quickly. Ultimately you will be needing to have her quit her job before the project is done to squelch the affair. There is an affair here. Whether it has gone physical yet or not is not yet known. The longer she works with this guy the worse it is going to get. There can be no more late nights alone with this guy. If she protests you need to out this to her company.

Above all you cannot leave now. She will not follow you there or at least not without having a full blown PA with this guy. That client will want her on the next project and so on.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Your wife is texting a man she admits likes her and she thinks he's attractive. That's not an issue of trust. Those are the facts. At a minimum, that is inappropriate and disrespectful of you.

Would your wife object if you started spending a lot of time in strip clubs? What if you assured her that you wouldn't get turned on? It's the same concept, except your wife is statistically more likely to get involved sexually with this client than you are with a stripper.

You need to start snooping to find the extent of her involvement. And you should let her know that you innocently found her conversation with Bob. It's unlikely that this will drive the affair underground since she already guards her phone. At this point, you should tell her to cease contact with Bob as much as possible.

You should also reconsider taking the job in San Antonio. You could always tell her that the company rescinded the offer due to the economy. Or, you can insist that she join you with no delays.

Good luck.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Your wife is texting a man she admits likes her and she thinks he's attractive. That's not an issue of trust. Those are the facts. At a minimum, that is inappropriate and disrespectful of you.
> 
> Would your wife object if you started spending a lot of time in strip clubs? What if you assured her that you wouldn't get turned on? It's the same concept, except your wife is statistically more likely to get involved sexually with this client than you are with a stripper.
> 
> ...


I would insist she join you in San Antonio with no delay or terminate the marriage. No wiggle room. The marriage is more important than the job that is going away anyway.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I would insist she join you in San Antonio with no delay or terminate the marriage. No wiggle room. The marriage is more important than the job that is going away anyway.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Tsquare9 (Oct 8, 2011)

Good to have the perspective of those who've had similar experiences. It's been an eye-opener. Thanks for all the input and advice.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

T: someone within the last couple of weeks posted a thread asking everyone if our gut instincts were wrong, and I only think one person said theres was. Trust your gut, get going on this problem take advice of others, sooner you handle the better.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

my spouse at the time, started spending a lot of time with a mutual friend, working with him, etc. She is now my x and living at his home....nuff said.


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## Tsquare9 (Oct 8, 2011)

thanks hoosier. this has felt like a punch to the gut. as far as i know, she's stopped the friendly communication with him. we'll be moving to SA together. however (and i've already started a thread about this), i've found she continues to search for him online, trying to find whatever info on him. less likely for a physical affair, but i fear she's already emotionally cheating.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Her heart isn't with you, T^2

Maybe would be good to seek some marriage counseling for both of you.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Tsquare9 said:


> thanks hoosier. this has felt like a punch to the gut. as far as i know, she's stopped the friendly communication with him. we'll be moving to SA together. however (and i've already started a thread about this), i've found she continues to search for him online, trying to find whatever info on him. less likely for a physical affair, *but i fear she's already emotionally cheating.*


That's because she is. Hopefully it hasnt gone physical.


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