# STBXW wants kids on her insurance all of a sudden



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Despite what it says in our divorce decree, my EX is pitching the idea of placing the kids on her insurance while they are visiting her in Minnesota. Currently, the kids are on my insurance is my EX is having to pay for the cost for me to insure them through my plan. She said that the doctors and therapists they are seeing at home (with me) are also on her insurance plan and it's cheaper. I thought it was odd because it seems too far away but she does work for a Medical group, so anything is possible. Her other argument is that it's much much cheaper for the co-pays,etc.
So the question is, could there be a disadvantage for me accepting this? On the surface it looks great financially, but I am concerned of ulterior motives.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

The phrase "while they are in MN" bothers me. I don't think you can just drop the kids off of yours and then when you have the kids put them back on.

Also if you drop the kids off yours will your individual cost go up or does your XW pay for yours too?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I agree with IWantTheKids -- honestly I think you should call up your HR folks or the insurance company and ask them what the pros and cons of this would be.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

She's taking steps to increase her custody time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

keko said:


> She's taking steps to increase her custody time.


Yep, this is what she is doing. Do not fall for it.

You have a court order saying that you are to provided for health insurance. It probably says that you will carry your children on your work policy.

If you stop doing this you are in contempt of court.

Then she can go to court and cry that she needs to have primary custody because you dropped them children's insurance and she was forced to put them on hers.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

keko / Elegirl have good points. I'm new to this and didn't even think of that angle.

Watch your back, these b!tches be crazy! HAHA


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I wasn't even thinking about the custody issue. All I saw was a sudden attempt to gain more control over the divorce, but it makes so much sense now! 

She gets the kids on her medical plan and files for more custody. She trying to win one over on you so she can make you look like an unsupporting father in court. That whole "I need you to do give me this now!" when you see she's pulling away.... Giant red flag!

She tried to bullsh!t you, respond neutrally and carefree by simply telling her... we'll see what the lawyer/judge thinks on that. I check on a few other divorce sites and the general ruling is they keep the kids on the better plan. I don't trust her that her plan is better.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I learned from her brother the other day that she has always been controlling in her relationships. I guess passive-aggressive is the better description.
Yeah, I agree about leaving it up to the lawyer and judge. And she'll blow a fuse too because she's tried to keep the lawyers out since this all started. I think I'll give my lawyer a call.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Not to mention the fact that she doesn't exactly have the most stable work history.....what happens when she leaves, gets laid off, fired or has to go "find herself" again and doesn't happen to mention it until you get some huge doctor's bill for an unpaid claim?

Do you really thing she's a reliable source of insurance? Besides any other ulterior motives that are probably lurking?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> I learned from her brother the other day that she has always been controlling in her relationships. I guess passive-aggressive is the better description.
> Yeah, I agree about leaving it up to the lawyer and judge. And she'll blow a fuse too because she's tried to keep the lawyers out since this all started. I think I'll give my lawyer a call.


Why waste your money on a call to your attorney? You already have a court order or settlement, right? So with it. Do not spend money on an attorney every time she brings up another topic.

If you keep spending money on the attorney, you will get to a point where you feel so financially abused that you will give up and give her everything she wants just to stop the money bleed and her constant demands. Stop it.

You have every reason to keep your children on your insurance. Your wife is a flake.. she ran out on your and her children. As long as they are on your insurance you know for a fact that they are coverd. 

If she has them on her insurance you will have no idea if they are are covered. She will not keep you informed on anything.

Look what she's doing now. Did she send you all of the information on her insurance so that you can make an informed decision? Does not sound like she did. She just told you what she thinks will get you to allow her to cover them on her insurance.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> Despite what it says in our divorce decree, my EX is pitching the idea of placing the kids on her insurance while they are visiting her in Minnesota. Currently, the kids are on my insurance is my EX is having to pay for the cost for me to insure them through my plan. She said that the doctors and therapists they are seeing at home (with me) are also on her insurance plan and it's cheaper. I thought it was odd because it seems too far away but she does work for a Medical group, so anything is possible. Her other argument is that it's much much cheaper for the co-pays,etc.
> So the question is, could there be a disadvantage for me accepting this? On the surface it looks great financially, but I am concerned of ulterior motives.



Don't accept , your wife cannot be trusted. Keep to the D decree , it's there to protect you not her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Yep, this is what she is doing. Do not fall for it.
> 
> You have a court order saying that you are to provided for health insurance. It probably says that you will carry your children on your work policy.
> 
> ...


Agree, your ex is not your friend and has never been concerned for you nor has she had your children's best interests in mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

HoustonDad,

This is what divorce decrees are for.

They are for both parties to live up to them.

Make her live up to something - for once.

Do not make this deal.

When she asks you why not, Lifescript can tell you what to say:

"I'm not ok with changing the arrangements"

CASE CLOSED


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I'm still in the middle of it and when my WW asked me to write up something I said the magic word "lawyer". Of course like others have said you have your decree so live by it.

I'm still scared that I'll leave something out that is important.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Dont you have main custody? If so, then it also make sense to have the children on your plan.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Even though it's joint, I am primary because the kids live with me during the school year. The points regarding the failure to prove responsibility over the last year or two is reason enough to say no.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> Even though it's joint, I am primary because the kids live with me during the school year. The points regarding the failure to prove responsibility over the last year or two is reason enough to say no.


Good man.

Honor the agreement.

No exceptions.

She has shown you who she is.

Believe her.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You can't take the kids on and off insurance without a qualifying event... Spouse getting new insurance qualifies, but you would not be able to put them back on your plan without a qualifying event... Also, there is nothing to stop her from putting them on her plan while they are also on your plan.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Hicks said:


> You can't take the kids on and off insurance without a qualifying event... Spouse getting new insurance qualifies, but you would not be able to put them back on your plan without a qualifying event... Also, there is nothing to stop her from putting them on her plan while they are also on your plan.


Up here you can have kids on both parents plans .. all it does is make it 100% covered. But insurance up here is usually covered by work and not a personal expense.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

It has been well stated here, but do not take the kids off of your insurance.

You already know she is trying to work some kind of angle, and you need to follow the divorce decree. Deviate from it at your peril.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> I'm still in the middle of it and when my WW asked me to write up something I said the magic word "lawyer". Of course like others have said you have your decree so live by it.
> 
> I'm still scared that I'll leave something out that is important.


You are writing your own divorce agreement? Custody and time sharing as well?


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Elegirl,
We don't have anything started yet. I assume my lawyer will do something but I don't know about any of this.

Sorry about the hijack.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

hd,your wifes tried screwing you from the very beginning,why do want to believe anything she says now?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

67flh said:


> hd,your wifes tried screwing you from the very beginning,why do want to believe anything she says now?


You have to stop reacting everytime she says jump. You have an agreement and stick to it. If she doesn't take her to task. Question: did she ever turn over court ordered documentation on her man? Are those rules being followed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> You have to stop reacting everytime she says jump. You have an agreement and stick to it. If she doesn't take her to task. Question: did she ever turn over court ordered documentation on her man? Are those rules being followed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for remembering ggirl.

HoustonDad - has she ever followed through on this?


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

No. She hasn't. And this evening we have a video conference with the family counselor. So I will bring it up and remind her. If she doesn't provide it before leaving, she will not take the kids with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> No. She hasn't. And this evening we have a video conference with the family counselor. So I will bring it up and remind her. If she doesn't provide it before leaving, she will not take the kids with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because you are "not ok with sending them up there without the agreed upon information"

And, in this you must stand as firm as the Rock of Gibralter.

This would include keeping the kids away from her so she is unable to kidnap them.

I believe she has no intention of following-through with this requirement.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> No. She hasn't. And this evening we have a video conference with the family counselor. So I will bring it up and remind her. If she doesn't provide it before leaving, she will not take the kids with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stay strong with that. It is a condition she agreed to so make her stick with it. I get the feeling she's used to walking all over you and agrees to anything figuring she can do what she wants later. She doesn't new the NEW HoustonDad - that is tough and strong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Haha. Yeah, I am getting back the manhood that I once had. And yes, as I have been able to let go and let my love for her go, I am realizing that she was very passive-aggressive and controlling. It was never the severe variety. But it's definitely there and even more so as we near the end with the marriage and the decree is about to be signed. She know the decree makes her powerless and she's making a last ditch effort to gain any of that power back. I am standing firm. If she has an issue with the decree, she can talk to my lawyer.


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