# *Sigh* Mother in law drama.



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I feel like I am caught in the middle of in law skirmishes.

My mother in law, God bless her, is normally a very kind and loving woman. She often takes time to help others, especially if cooking or baking is involved. My only problem is sometimes this nasty version of her comes out without warning. We visited recently and even though she planned a lovely party for us, my mother in law also told me I was fat in front of a bunch of people. MIL made fun of my dress and heels at the party. Although the digs hurt me, I chose to let them go and focus on the good.

I love my BIL's wife. We are friends and confidants. :smthumbup: Unfortunately, MIL can't stand her. My poor SIL can never do anything right in the older woman's eyes, especially when it comes to raising my toddler niece. My SIL is hardworking, intelligent and a loving mother, so I don't understand where all the hate comes from. I know my MIL was very fond of my BIL's ex, but he has been married to my SIL for six years! My MIL never lets up with the criticism and insults. It makes me angry and sad for her son and my SIL.

I feel disloyal to my MIL when I sympathize with my SIL. However, my instinct is to comfort someone I care about if they are being treated unfairly. I wish that my MIL would get some counseling or perhaps medication, but that will be a cold day in hell. The tantrums and the nasty words are so random and unpredictable.

How would you handle this?


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Set boundaries. You can be very respectful and still stand up for your SIL and yourself. Perhaps take your MIL aside during a calmer time and talk with her about it.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My MIL is not the type of person you can have a rational discussion with, especially if it is about her behavior. When my husband tried to discuss the fat comment with his mother, she screamed: "I wish I never had kids!!" Oooookay....


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Well, don't leave it up for discussion. "I don't like to be talked to like that/I don't like to hear bad things about members of this family/whatever. - please don't do it around me." Repeat as necessary, or leave until she gets the hint. That is not a discussion, it's not an argument. It can be kind and respectful, but firm. Setting healthy boundaries for yourself and your family will help your MIL learn that her actions are not okay.


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