# Wife seems to be obsessed with money



## jimmy89 (Jul 20, 2021)

Hi all,

I've been married for almost three years, and noticing my wife is increasingly becoming obsessed with money. I don't have the money I think she needs because after I pay the bills and debts, I barely have any left for myself. She is a nail tech, but share barely works. She works when she wants to and can go two weeks without working but constantly complains that she is broke. I'm like, "Duh! You spend most of your time sleeping and cancel on clients on a whim."

She has two best friends, both not married. One is dating a married man who happens to have a lot of money and takes her out to fancy places and gets her pretty much what ever she wants. Her other friend is constantly being courted by guys with money, offering to take care of her every needs. I know because she constantly brings it up, and I feel she lives vicariously through them.

Her days are spent on social media to the point I can barely get her attention for more than two minutes. She either hurries the conversation along or gets frustrated the longer I keep talking that she responds in ways to end the conversation (one-word answers). 

Being on social media is not a problem, but she over does it. She is sees her friends' successes and comes to tell me about them, with emphasis on how much money they're making. And she often tells me about her guys friends as well. I've heard her say the phrase "He is loaded" so many times that it is frustrating. I can swear she gets turned on by guys with money because she likes talking about them, with emphasis on what they are doing for their girlfriends/wives (trips, phones and cars).

She subjects herself to so much jealousy that she has basically checked out of our marriage. The little victories are not enough. She makes me feel like I'm wasting her time when she could be doing better... like her friends.

All this is not to say I'm perfect (not by a long shot). I know I should not feel insecure (people are allowed to be more successful than me), but she is my wife and I need her to know that what she has with me right now should be enough. It's okay to want more, but I feel that if she helped me out more financially and worked harder, she can reach the level she needs to be or get closer at least.

I just feel like right now, she is not happy because she doesn't have money.

Normally, I don't care or I feel happy for people's successes, but when my wife brings it up a lot, it makes me feel sad and helpless that I'm nowhere close to giving her that. 

I need to tell her this but she also has a temper. Also, she never lets me finish my thoughts and constantly interrupts me.

How can approach this?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your wasting your life on a woman that will never be satisfied. You are going to end up burning out and in debt.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Why are you married to this in the first place? You do have a choice.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why did you marry her. She sounds discontent, greedy, hooked on social media and lazy. I doubt she will ever be happy or content.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

she needs a sugar daddy , or some one that wants a trophy wife , 
very little on social media is true most put on a smile and like to tell others about how good their life is , 
You don't see people there telling the world about the husband coming home drunk or the wife out with her toy boy , 

you say your not perfect and no one is but some think they have a right to the high life with out putting anything in 

she lives in a dream world , best to let her copies her friends and let her find a rich guy 

you would be better off letting her go her own way


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## jimmy89 (Jul 20, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Your wasting your life on a woman that will never be satisfied. You are going to end up burning out and in debt.


I know. I just need to know if there is a way to reach out to someone like that. Snap them back to their senses, if you will. I love her and I need to try something because she wasn't always like this.


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## jimmy89 (Jul 20, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Why are you married to this in the first place? You do have a choice.


I just need to give it a shot in case I am reading things wrong and maybe try to find the root cause of the issue. Any help towards handling this from people who have been in marriage longer than me would be great. Otherwise, you're right that I do have a choice.


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## jimmy89 (Jul 20, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Your wasting your life on a woman that will never be satisfied. You are going to end up burning out and in debt.


I just believe there could be hope, but I need to try before I can officially say I'm wasting my time.


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## jimmy89 (Jul 20, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> she needs a sugar daddy , or some one that wants a trophy wife ,
> very little on social media is true most put on a smile and like to tell others about how good their life is ,
> You don't see people there telling the world about the husband coming home drunk or the wife out with her toy boy ,
> 
> ...


You have hit the nail on the head in so many ways.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You aren't going to change her. I strongly advise divorce. If you wait too long, you could actually end up paying her spousal support. You are _choosing_ to stay married to a woman who lounges around and barely works. In a divorce, you'll pay for that choice. 

If she wants more money she can get her lazy ass to working a full time job.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It sounds like if you won a million in the lottery, she’d ask how come you didn’t win two million.

So you have a person who is dissatisfied with what she has. Now you can bend over backwards showing her and telling her about all your other wonderful qualities, or you can actually ignore it all and change the subject whenever she brings it up. That’s a small start.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

jimmy89 said:


> I know. I just need to know if there is a way to reach out to someone like that. Snap them back to their senses, if you will. I love her and I need to try something because she wasn't always like this.


She's like this now and you need to deal with her as-is, not as was.

This is a woman that is basically living as an adolescent on summer vacation. She has lost touch with reality and you are enabling her. She needs a reality check and it will involve some tough love. Can you do that? If not, if you think you'll cave and roll over when she cries and threatens and throws fits then don't bother.

She needs a job. Now. A real job, not her nail hobby she can drop and pick back up at will. A job that involves a schedule and responsibility. Insist on it.

You put some bills in her name and make her responsible, all by herself, for paying them. You do NOT pay anything for her. She's a grown woman. There is no reason she can't work full time and cover things such as, perhaps, the utilities and groceries while you pay, say, the rent or mortgage. This is non-negotiable.

As far as social media, that needs to stop, too. She has a job to work, her share of the house to clean, and her share of the marriage to maintain. She doesn't have time to sit on her ass for hours scrolling through the lies people post to make their lives look better than they are. I like social media as much as the next gal, but when it interferes with operating as a fully functioning adult it has to either go altogether or be regulated. I give myself permission to peruse a few sites, a time limit on how long I use social media (including this forum) and then I go start on the days work.

As far as her friend..well. Ask your wife what she thinks of her friend. What kind of person does wife think friend is.

Then point out this woman is committing adultery and is actively, selfishly, participating in the ruin of another woman's life. She's acting as a prostitute, really. She gets gifts and taken places in exchange for sex and discretion. She lacks character, morals, is a known liar, and is willing to harm others for her own gain. That's the reality after you break it down to it's simplest form. And the other friend who is constantly getting offers from rich men? Yeah, they're looking for the same arrangement. 

Lovely friends your wife has there.

If she can't see what those women are and eject them from her life after you point it out then perhaps you've been in error of what kind of person your wife is and she really should join her friends in selling their bodies for $.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

3 quick things, a conclusion, & “No-Jerry’s Final Though”:
Her choice in friends tell you a lot about her and her core character.
Her choice to remain friends with them as they date married men… Even MORE!
& her envy of them says more than enough.

Conclusion: She is NOT a Safe Partner!

“No-Jerry’s Final Though”:
An “Old Adage” is just that old. Its old and still known for the reason that there is truth in it. In your wife’s case, “You can judge a person by the company they keep.”, applies. Now amplify that by envy and/or jealousy and you can expect a high level of shadowing/emulation.

They question(s) you have to ask yourself is, “Is this something I am willing to accept in my marriage?” If not then ask “What am I gonna do about it?”

in the end you deserve better, everyone deserves better than this. Just understand what you establish as acceptable early on in your marriage sets the foundation for your entire marriage.

Good luck!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

She has money grubbing adulteress friends. It would be one thing if she constantly complained about their horrible behavior and she was sticking with them because she is a "fixer". That isn't the case. She is jealous of them. She envy's their lives. What do you think will happen when the first opportunity comes along for her to join them as money grubbing adulterers?

I hope there are lots of positive things about her that you haven't mentioned because based on this I'm not sure why you would want to save the marriage. However, if you do, I think she has to detach from those friends, get off social media completely for an extended period and she needs to get a job to start contributing financially to the marriage. If she isn't willing to do any of those I say cut her loose.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

jimmy89 said:


> I just believe there could be hope, but I need to try before I can officially say I'm wasting my time.


Hopium will just get you a long stay in limbo. This is who she is. Most do not change. You want to waste your life on this go ahead.

Most people like you can’t/won’t make a decision. Not uncommon but from what I’ve seen you’ll regret it later.

for help download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. It’s a free pdf download and short. All the advice isn’t going to help you if you ignore the facts and don’t apply it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Her friends are enemies to your marriage. If she can’t see and address that you have no hope. Beware !!!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jimmy89 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I've been married for almost three years, and noticing my wife is increasingly becoming obsessed with money. I don't have the money I think she needs because after I pay the bills and debts, I barely have any left for myself. She is a nail tech, but share barely works. She works when she wants to and can go two weeks without working but constantly complains that she is broke. I'm like, "Duh! You spend most of your time sleeping and cancel on clients on a whim."
> 
> ...


With divorce papers.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Here's a valuable lesson that I've learned in life: comparing yourself, what you have (or don't) and your life to the lives of others and what others have will always lead to a lot of disappointment. @jimmy89, this is what your wife seems to be doing, and it's a losing game. There'll always be someone who has a cool new gadget, a most stable marriage or relationship, a new baby, a new pet, whatever, and it will be something that your wife wants too. From what you wrote, she seems to be the type of person who won't be totally satisfied.

You do need to talk to her about this, but if she has a temper, you'll have to tread lightly. Maybe just sit down with her and a couple glasses of wine, and tell her in a very calm manner that you're trying your best to give her the best life that you can, but are struggling, and ask her if she would be willing to contribute a little more. If her answer is yes, make a game plan that you can both stick to, and go from there. The stress of having the majority of life's financial burdens on your shoulders is no way to live. It's stressful, and will eventually wear you down. Nip this in the bud now, and go from there.

ETA: Your wife needs to find some new friends who have some morals!


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Don't attempt to "buy the princess" it is not worth the stress and worry. She will never be satisfied financially.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Well, considering she barely earns any, it certainly is a red flag she is obsessed with wanting other people to earn money and spend it on her. Do not do anything you can't afford. She is working herself up to wanting a sugar daddy, and you may lose her, and it may be the best thing, honestly. She covets what other women say they have. You need to be firm and tell her, Look, I'm not ever going to be rich and you're the one not working, so if you want money, get to work and earn it. And let the chips fall.

I would say she is high risk for cheating..


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

jimmy89 said:


> How can approach this?


She's immature and needs to grow up. If she would spend her social media time studying Dave Ramsey's money techniques, she could turn things around. There are several Facebook groups (one on Baby Steps) that have discussions about money. Get her to join the groups and read. Actually, have her post your situation there and ask them what she should do. (Then stand back.)

In the end, there's probably nothing you can do. It's worth trying, but don't spend the rest of your life doing it. Don't have kids with her.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

jimmy89 said:


> How can approach this?


The simple answer is, approach it like a man. Once upon a time she agreed to marry you. Usually that involves a serious commitment to making a marriage work. It sounds like she has lost that commitment and is looking at her friends who have richer boyfriends. It also sounds like she wants to work less to make the life she wants.

Covid-19 has destroyed many jobs, many career paths, and changed the way people view work. She may be one of the many casualties of this pandemic.

As her husband, it is your job to be honest and supporting with her. You should talk to her. Ask her about her dreams. Ask her if complaining about money is going to help her situation or if she needs to roll up her sleeves and pitch in to help earn the money she feels she needs to live the life she wants.

Good luck. I think she is probably regretting her decision to marry you. But that is a problem she needs to address. You need to live your life and help support her, but not do things that are impossible just because her friends are leading a life she wants to live.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’d try and tackle the why is she ignoring you/life for social media as the first concern.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My guess is she thought you would pick up the slack for her and if she’s faced with finding a real job she might find it easier to instead find her next support person. Tell her your expectations and see what her response is. I doubt it’s going to correct the problem but maybe you can move on once you realize you can’t fix her.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No one is gonna fix her. She’d have to do that.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Marc878 said:


> No one is gonna fix her. She’d have to do that.


Yes absolutely, it sounds like you’re doing your best and her problems have nothing to do with you. I also agree with a poster that she’s a high risk for cheating. Her friends are really questionable, and that is a bit of a hint as to who she really is.

We had a friend from our early teens who got married young, and then suddenly started texting guys online and meeting mums who were so different to who we were, it’s terrible to say it they were basic white trash. Eventually many of us cut contact with her. It’s who she was really, we just weren’t her people and she needed to mix with a crowd that made her feel good about her cheating and trashy ways.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> You aren't going to change her. I strongly advise divorce. If you wait too long, you could actually end up paying her spousal support. You are _choosing_ to stay married to a woman who lounges around and barely works. In a divorce, you'll pay for that choice.
> 
> If she wants more money she can get her lazy ass to working a full time job.


This x 1000! Get out while you can. She will not change. You are a placeholder until some fool with money comes along. And her friends are disgusting. And as long as they are around, her attitude will only get worse.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You married a parasite. Sorry, but she wants you to morph into a money making machine for her lazy ass needs. She ain't no princess! She ain't no wife either. 

You were cheated on the marriage contract. That contract needs to be dissolved.

While your are divorcing, tune up that picker of yours. That will indeed be money well spent.

Hopium is a great word that describes your situation. You are living a really bad fantasy with a false princess that thinks you should be her King Midas!

That **** ain't real, please walk away ASAP.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I dated a woman that was A nail tech. She made more money than I did. And basically it’s cash. She was also fabulously attractive.
If your wife wanted money, she could easily earn it, and have fun gossiping with other ladies while doing it. She’s exceptionally lazy and entitled. 
Your wife sounds like a Nightmare.
The longer you’re in this, the harder it will be to extricate yourself. 
For you to stAy in this relationship is crazy. If you have kids with her you might as well just hang it up. This is no way for anyone to live.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Hopium and denial are comfort zones only for a period of time.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I don't see this working, and with kids, etc, this will be a mess as she remains neurotic, insecure, envious, and conniving. In the event you built things up, count on a nasty divorce.


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## maxburton (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, considering she barely earns any, it certainly is a red flag she is obsessed with wanting other people to earn money and spend it on her. Do not do anything you can't afford. She is working herself up to wanting a sugar daddy, and you may lose her, and it may be the best thing, honestly. She covets what other women say they have. You need to be firm and tell her, Look, I'm not ever going to be rich and you're the one not working, so if you want money, get to work and earn it. And let the chips fall.
> 
> I would say she is high risk for cheating..


I agree with you. But it seems to me that it is unlikely to change and will work.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@jimmy89

How old are you and your wife?

How long have the two of you been married?

You don't mention children. Do you have any children with her?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My take on this is that you need to have a talk with her and let her know that if she wants to stay married to you, she needs to work full time and contribute to the household finances. If she does not want to do that, you will divorce her so she can go find whatever it is she wants.

You might also want to point out to her that when you are divorced, she will need to work full time to support herself.

IF she continues the way she is now, I really think you need to divorce her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

jimmy89 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I've been married for almost three years, and noticing my wife is increasingly becoming obsessed with money. I don't have the money I think she needs because after I pay the bills and debts, I barely have any left for myself. She is a nail tech, but share barely works. She works when she wants to and can go two weeks without working but constantly complains that she is broke. I'm like, "Duh! You spend most of your time sleeping and cancel on clients on a whim."
> 
> ...


This is why I'm rather cautious with women who don't work or just don't have the 'mindset' to work.



> All this is not to say I'm perfect (not by a long shot). I know I should not feel insecure (people are allowed to be more successful than me), but she is my wife and* I need her to know that what she has with me right now should be enough*. It's okay to want more, but I feel that if she helped me out more financially and worked harder, she can reach the level she needs to be or get closer at least.


We don't get to decide that, they do. Obviously you are not enough - for her.



> I just feel like right now, she is not happy because she doesn't have money.
> Normally, I don't care or I feel happy for people's successes, but when my wife brings it up a lot, it makes me feel sad and helpless that I'm nowhere close to giving her that.
> I need to tell her this but she also has a temper. Also, she never lets me finish my thoughts and constantly interrupts me.
> How can approach this?


That's because she compares you to other men. I know the feeling. My ex was similar to yours but she compared other's 'acts of service' to me.

It's tough, you're married. But there really isn't a solution for something like this, she wants to dig for gold. What is your country? I don't recognise the flag.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The op hasn’t posted in over eleven months. Hopefully he’s single by now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ah, zombie thread. It's locked now. If the jimmy89 returns and wants the thread reopened, he can ask a moderator to do that.


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