# Mama's Boy or Godzilla Mama



## SurferSoph90 (Jun 7, 2011)

First off, hi! I have been a lurker for a while and finally decided to join. This is a little long so bear with me. A little background, my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over 5 years. I was a sophomore in high school when we started dating. We have a healthy relationship and get along great. That is, until his mother speaks. I'll tell you about her.

I lived with his family for about 6 months when I was fed up with my mom's alcoholism and him and I were trying to find an apartment that fit the budget. I think living with them may have been the worst mistake I ever made, because it showed me her true self. It was hard for me and him to have a relationship because there were no boundaries for privacy. She would come in at all hours of the night knowing full well that we were sexually active and I don't see why it didn't click in her head that gee, maybe 11pm isn't a good time to walk in on my son right now. When we finally made her stop doing our laundry I said something about there being a wrinkle on his shirt and she boasted, "Well if _I_ did his laundry there wouldn't be any wrinkles!" She even told me she would date him. :scratchhead: Just like that, as if she was proud to say it. :redcard:

Now we are moved out and have been for almost a year. We do great working with each other on finances, chores, everything. But she continues to get in the way. She always sends emails for jobs to MY email for him. Because after telling her so many times to stop finding him jobs because she knows nothing about what he is looking for, he just quit writing back. So now she sends them to my email. She is always calling to see what he is doing, no matter what time it is. I told her I don't like tuna salad, so now she always brings over tuna salad for him because she makes it seem like I ban tuna from the house or something. It's not like it's his favorite or anything anyway and he can have it whenever he wants. I get a very jealous vibe from her and when I say anything he doesn't seem to think so "That's just the way she is" and it's just getting more and more intrusive. I don't know what to do and if this is ever going to stop!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That's some Norman Bates ****.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

It only gets worse honey  

My MIL called my brother and I alcoholics at my wedding rehersal b/c we each had ONE glass of wine....
She told me that I will never make more money than my H, she told my H that she was upset one year that we didn't go to his Uncles party on Christmas eve-my H told her that every year-we see my parents on eve and his divorced parents on Xmas Day and Day after. Her response: That wasn't a good enough reason to not to go! I went to that party once and NEVER again. Same uncle videotaped our wedding w/o our request/approval and then commented behind the camera while our ceremony was happening on how my brother didn't look anything like me and he must be the milkman's daughter! No one from my family has ever watched the video...

This year his cousin got married in Sept and brought their own booze but the bartender didn't show up (classy) so me being nice-I offered to help b/c I have bartended on and off for 11 years. When they started yelling at me that I wasn't doing something right-I left-the entire wedding! Same cousin (she moves fast) is now preggers-sends me an invite to her shower 2 days notice! MIL wants to know why I didn't go! 

Dysfunction doesn't change on it's own-It's taken me 12 years but I am over going places/doing things with people that can't be respectful. It doesn't matter that they're my H's family. He finally got my back when they started yelling at me during the wedding b/c their bartender didn't show up. He left with me.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

What's more important is what your boyfriend's take is on all this.

If he sides with her ("you never make tuna" or "I don't mind if she walks in while we are having sex"), this is how it will be for as long as you are with him. You will have to decide whether you want to spend your life with both him and mom.

But if he feels uncomfortable about her actions, then you should both work on reducing the irritability.

Don't pick up the phone every time she calls (you have caller ID, right?). Accept the tuna casserole graciously but the next time, tell her you still have some left over from the last delivery and that you will let her know when you run low on tuna.


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## SurferSoph90 (Jun 7, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> That's some Norman Bates ****.


:lol:



Mrs1980 said:


> It only gets worse honey
> 
> My MIL called my brother and I alcoholics at my wedding rehersal b/c we each had ONE glass of wine....
> She told me that I will never make more money than my H, she told my H that she was upset one year that we didn't go to his Uncles party on Christmas eve-my H told her that every year-we see my parents on eve and his divorced parents on Xmas Day and Day after. Her response: That wasn't a good enough reason to not to go! I went to that party once and NEVER again. Same uncle videotaped our wedding w/o our request/approval and then commented behind the camera while our ceremony was happening on how my brother didn't look anything like me and he must be the milkman's daughter! No one from my family has ever watched the video...
> ...


Glad to hear he has your back. That has to be terrible to have to deal with her but as long as you have him you don't need her or any of his family! I know she will always be there, but me and him are working on her being there a little less. Maybe a lot less. 



Chris Taylor said:


> What's more important is what your boyfriend's take is on all this.
> 
> If he sides with her ("you never make tuna" or "I don't mind if she walks in while we are having sex"), this is how it will be for as long as you are with him. You will have to decide whether you want to spend your life with both him and mom.
> 
> ...


Well here's the thing. He SAYS that the stuff she does is annoying. But little mister here has a little problem telling mommy no. So he says he's going to work a little harder to try to make sure there is a nice little line there for her but when it comes down to it he never does anything. These are just a few of the million scenarios. 

If she had it her way we'd still live there at her house. We talked about this wonderful job opp for him that was in Missouri. Mentioned it to her and she went on and on about how I'd hate living there and I told her I like the snow and she just kept telling me how much I'd hate it, as if she really knows me and my personality anyway. I know it was because she doesn't want her precious soul mate...err... child to leave her here in AZ. He didn't get the job but I'm glad he tried despite her opinion. 

I don't know. I've been thinking about what it would be like to be without him. It just seems like such a waste to leave an otherwise great relationship for that, but I want a relationship with ONE guy and not have to answer to anyone else. Who knows maybe it would make him realize that it's a little pathetic he lost the love of his life because his MOMMY got in the way of his relationships.


:scratchhead::banghead:


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## Applegirl (Sep 8, 2011)

Oh trust me, you need to seriously think about this.
My H is the same way with his "Mommy" and it's been miserable.
As a matter of fact, he moved out and is living with his "Mommy"
he can't tell her no either.
I would probably guarantee that if she badmouths you to him, he probably doesn't defend you.
Those types of relationships are "emotional incest" not good.
Really think about if you want to deal with her the rest of your life


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## Melinda123 (May 1, 2015)

I married a Mama's Boy and regret it every day. Move far away from her if you want to have any semblance of a marriage. If your BF won't insist on boundaries now, it will only get worse. What happens when you buy a house, have children? My MIL referred to everything as her son's, i.e. 'my son's house'. It was as if I didn't exist, even though I worked then and paid for 1/2 of the downpayment, had my own car paid off, and money in the bank and zero credit card debt. If I bought anything, she would say, 'what are you spending my son's money on now?' Nothing I did was ever good enough; I spent a fortune on gifts for her, did all kinds of favors for her, and nothing was ever appreciated. SurferSoph90, it gets worse, not better. Get away from that woman and see how the relationship fares from a distance; if she is still interfering, and he is not setting boundaries, RUN FOR TH HILLS.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The problem is not your future MIL, it's your bf. If he won't put his foot down, set and enforce boundaries with his mother, you've got big problems and they will NOT go away or get better. This is how it will be forever. You need to think about that.

I speak from personal experience. I have the MIL from he!l. Luckily my husband has my back, but he's not always clued in to her manipulation and I have to point it out.


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## Clair DeVore (Apr 23, 2015)

If you plan on marriage, consider doing so ONLY after and IF you have a comfortable relationship with his mother. I tried living with my MIL after my marriage, did not work. I bought a house for DH and I, his mother continually needed something from DH and with him not standing up to her and was at her beck and call caused severe trouble between us. DH ended up with a bedroom at her house and used it a couple times weekly because she demanded so much of his time. Fast forward, we are divorcing because he cannot stand up to his mother and cut the ties.

On this forum my eyes were opened, a poster said that he was married to his mommy and I was a booty call. I had never ever thought of my life that way, but the poser was correct.

Be careful, it's a lot easier to break up than get divorcedl


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

SurferSoph90 said:


> Well here's the thing. He SAYS that the stuff she does is annoying. But little mister here has a little problem telling mommy no. So he says he's going to work a little harder to try to make sure there is a nice little line there for her but when it comes down to it he never does anything. These are just a few of the million scenarios.
> 
> If she had it her way we'd still live there at her house. We talked about this wonderful job opp for him that was in Missouri. Mentioned it to her and she went on and on about how I'd hate living there and I told her I like the snow and she just kept telling me how much I'd hate it, as if she really knows me and my personality anyway. I know it was because she doesn't want her precious soul mate...err... child to leave her here in AZ. He didn't get the job but I'm glad he tried despite her opinion.
> 
> ...


Be afraid. Be very afraid. The things that are mildly frustrating to you today but that you say "but I love him" about, may become unbearable when you are older and wiser.

Apparently there are a lot of psycho mothers in law out there. The problem you have is that your BF will not stand up to her and put you first.  If he won't do it now when you are dating and you could just walk, he REALLY won't do it if you marry and are committed to him. 

God, can you imagine this woman if the two of you have children? If she goes to your boyfriend for money will he take care of her over the two of you and your family? What will the holidays be like with this M-I-L without boundaries?

My in-laws are great in general, but to give you an example of appropriate behavior, I work from home and I'm a night owl, often working at 1:00 AM then sleeping 'till 9 or 10 a.m. Hubbys family used to call at 7 a.m. I never said anything but he just said firmly "Please don't call our house before 9:00 AM." I really would have trouble saying that to my relatives, but he just said it. Simple. Done. 

His parents simply stopped calling before 9, but his sister balked and made some snarky comment about my still being in bed at that hour. He said "She works late at night when you're asleep. Don't call my house before 9:00 unless it's an emergency."

He talks to his mom 5 to 10 times a day for just a minute or two at a time because they are very close and watch the same sports. But it is clear that I am his wife and I come first. His mom would never try to meddle but if she did I am confident he would simply not allow it.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

SurferSoph90 said:


> I get a very jealous vibe from her


Yep^. So.You're posting lots about his mother. Where is his father?

Dead, divorce or very long-suffering, is my guess.

And yes, this is ultimately your BFs issue but good luck coming between a mother and son. Especially if he is an only. Is he?


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