# Update on my marriage



## CrazyGuy (Dec 30, 2011)

For those that have helped me you will know that most of my marriage of 17 years has been close to sexless.(once a year or longer) It was what looked like the typical switch and bait. A lot of bitter words thrown at me over time when I tried to get some kind of "normal" in my marriage. Wife refused counseling of any type. I have done the 180, man up, gave her space, and showered her. Nothing ever worked. The way I had to walk on egg shells all these years and the way she acted made me believe the has BPD. On top of that I am sure she was abused as a child although she has never told me she was. I did a lot of reading about so many subjects. In the end nothing worked. She told me that she will never be that kind of wife. Nothing I could do to "fix" this.

No rash moves but I gave up. I was done. For my own sanity I started counseling for myself. Made it clear to her that I know longer care. I am working on myself. I did not like the person I was at this point. I figured I wasted enough of my life, time to move on. Unlike the other times though I did not push her out. This time she decided to separate. I was at peace even though we have a 10 year old child. Or marriage was just so screwed up that he was not getting a good idea what marriage was about. Some quite days as she got ready to move out, but that was the norm at this point anyways. Then she came to me and we had another talk. She said it was all just a miss understanding. Yeah I know, everything was made perfectly clear before and this did not make sense to me. But she was going to come back to our bedroom. I was like "whatever" because in the past she would be next to me but miles away. But....

Night after night she got warmer. We started to have non robotic sex. We would just lay there and talk afterwards. We have been having sex now at least once a day. Even on the days when she is not even in the mood she would give me a BJ with out me asking. She bought easy access clothing. I woke up at at 3 am the other morning because she using my hand to rub all over her self. It is like we are teenagers again.

I am reluctant to post this because I have seen temporary changes in the past. This time does feel different though. She just called me from work to tell me how much fun she had last night. I asked her about this sudden change and what caused it? As usual I did not get a real answer. Just that she realized we where getting older and that we might as well have fun when we can and there is no reason not to. She then joked about if the life insurance is paid up because she is going to give me a heart attack. I have to admit that I have been having a tough time keeping up with her although I have noticed her own funny walk. Not 100% sure what is going on but I am enjoying it for now.

Thanks to everybody that has given me advice. I would like to tell you all what were the reasons for so many years of torment and what fixed it but I have no Idea. Should I care or just live life? I just get this feeling that there is a Mack truck waiting down the road ready to run me over.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Yea, a good update. Just enjoy, don't wait for the mack truck. Are you guys starting to connect on an emotional level as well as physical? If not hopefully you can start reaching for that too. Sometimes it takes a jolt for us to realize what we have. I was taking my husband for granted until I got that jolt. Then I realized what a wonderful man he is, when I took the time to think about it. Maybe she did the same. Our sex life is now great. A little hormones, because I'm 43 and suddenly have a much higher drive, and I took the time to realize how much I love my husband. Hopefully it's the same for you and you guys can have a happy marriage.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Congratulations. Ride the wave as far as it will take you and, like Hopefull says, try connecting with her emotionally. It sounds like she is making an effort, that tells me she loves you and is trying. She wouldn't be doing this if she did not have some basic wifely love for you.

B.J.s? Lucky bastard. I a haven't had one in two months!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> I still can't get enough sex from him. I even started giving him bj's. I never in my life could even imagine doing that before...thought it was the most repulsive thing in the world. Needless to say, I wear him out and make him lose a lot of sleep.


Okay...

Just keep rubbing it in!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

CrazyGut & Iwant2bhappy, great for you two! Hope it all keeps going this way for you! It gives me hope too!


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## CrazyGuy (Dec 30, 2011)

Iwant2bhappy said:


> .
> 
> I swear I just read my life right here on your thread. I was exactly like your wife. It is almost scary to read it. Though my husband didn't do the 180 or "Man Up", not sure he even knows what that means. I think he just gave up.
> 
> ...


No need to feel sorry for hijacking my thread. You posted some great info. One of the reasons I posted this update was to show that a marriage can recover from being sexless. Mine was bad for many years but I have heard a few worse cases. Even in giving up there is hope for recovery. I just wanted to post something positive on here for a change. For me those chores around the home I can now do with a smile on my face. Take care and good luck fighting what demons may still remain.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Bandit
> 
> I have been following your thread and I feel for you. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
> 
> You seem like a smart and intelligent guy, you will find someone eventually who will treat you with the respect you deserve.


Iwant2bhappy, 

Thanks. Its just that this divorce celibacy is killin' me!


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Sorry you're going through this Bandit


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

My wife just moved home today after 4 months seperation. That was one prayer answered. The next one would be to have her warm up like Crazyguys wife and Iwant2behappy. 

Send some of that mojo this way please!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Awesome stuff OP, really happy it worked out for you.


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## Mario Kempes (Jun 12, 2010)

CrazyGuy, that is awesome news! Enjoy!!!!!!!!!! :smthumbup:


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## strange_bound (Feb 27, 2012)

Really happy for you


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