# Young husband addicted to online game



## goregorgeous

My husband is a 22-year old airman for the United States Air Force. Despite being very young myself we married and I moved across the nation to be with him. After only being married for 8 months and living in South Dakota for 5 months we are already having major problems, or rather I have a major problem with him. He works swing shift, meaning he starts work at 3:00 pm and gets home around 11:00 pm or later. My airman plays League of Legends from the time he gets home 'till 6:00 am or rather 'till he passes out on the couch. The only time he isn't on the game is when I complain and he stills insists on playing facebook games while 'spending time with me'. It's getting to the point that when I make sexual advances while he is playing he ignores me. He gives me the excuse that playing is his way of 'relaxing', that I need to get a hobby and that I nag him way too much. He makes it seem like he is doing me a favor if I get some alone time with him away from the computer screen. I feel like I'm worthless to him, as if the computer is his wife and I am the mistress. A mistress who actually doesn't get any playtime.. I told him that either its me or the game. He always claims that he wants me over anything else although his actions say otherwise., I should be number 1, not number 2 to an online game. 

I moved away from my family, my friends and completely put my dreams on hold for him. 
I am an attractive, smart young woman. No man on this planet in his right mind would turn down a woman for a video game, then why does my husband? More and more I think about it I feel as if I am just wasting my time and spending my youth on an inattentive, unappreciative, asexual lump. Despite everything, I want to try and work things out with him. I don't want to give up without a fight, but I feel that he is not even fighting for me. Ladies, what can I do to get my man away from his laptop other than smashing it into a million pieces. (Believe me that sounds so satisfying.) What are your experiences with this problem? Should I just leave and not look back?


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## Atholk

Leave no. Give him a major shock though and ask him to move out. He's not going to wake up to the situation until you show by your actions you're serious.


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## goregorgeous

I'd rather leave than ask him to move out. Neither of us have any where to go because all of our family is in KY. That's what makes this so difficult.


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## LotusOne

Hi. This is my first post to this site. Not really one to post. My husband played games often (I'm not a gamer and don't really know what he played) and he has played for many years and way before I met him. He played after work and every weekend. He was upset if I asked for plans or to go with somewhere away from computer. I asked for a date night, a lunch date, that he showered on the weekends, made me a hot tea, anything to show me that he valued me or our relationship. Since December, I moved forward and found friends, traveled, found activities on the weekend, etc. I knew that the marriage would not work if I was the only one in it. I had a heart-to-heart sometime in June and told him that I loved him and wanted our marriage to work. Together 3 1/2 years and only saw the back of his head for the past 1-2 yrs. He withdrew more. Played more (if that was even possible). I had him move out 3+ weeks ago and don't know where he landed. Zero communication with him. I am going to counseling and can't believe that I'm going to through divorce. I feel like I've been "punked" by someone that preferred online games. I would have preferred that it was an affair or a crack pipe, at least that would have made more sense to a non-gamer.


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## PFTGuy

Lotus, it sounds like you did the right thing, as difficult as it was to do. It seems like almost anything can become addictive. One of the dangers of something like games is they seem innocent enough of themselves, so it's easy for the addict to rationalize their behavior.


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## Prodigal

When a 22-year-old man who has an attractive wife prefers to sit in front of a computer screen playing a game ... there are serious problems.

You could shake him up a bit and announce you are going home to your family in KY for an unspecified period of time. See if he reacts to that. Frankly, whether he reacts or not, maybe you should go home for several weeks in order to see if he gets his priorities straight, because right now they are dead wrong. 

If you go home for, say, two weeks and don't hear a word out of him, at least you will know where you stand as far as your marriage goes.


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## turnera

Yeah, unfortunately, nothing is going to get to him except your leaving.


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## tacoma

I`d pack and head home.

See if he even notices your gone.

If he does get in touch with you tell him why you left and you won`t be coming back until he goes cold turkey from any and all games.

If he does`t get in touch file for divorce.

Life is too short for such idiocy.


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## Bevi

im new to this and i dont even know if im doing this right but i wanted to have someone to talk to who dont take sides ... and tell you things that arent going on someone with an open mind and help you though your problems .... i just wished i was more like my own self and how i use to be ... i want so much to be that person again .. me and my boyfriend has been together for three years now and i have noticed some change in him here lately , he is watching porn why im sleep i dont understand why watch it when you have a woman whom is in the bed and willing to do any thing you like . he knows i dont trust him with a cell phone due to the fact that in our pass i have cought him txting and talking with other woman and to delete it of to hide it then there was something said you didnt want me to see is what i say but he tells me that its me and im fessed up in the head and i have problems and issues . i use to not be this way until i found out he was talking and txting with other woman he tells me its just friends and stuff , but why get a phone carrier that you cant tack back who you called who called you .... mine i can get print outs and when he dont trust me i give him my print outs and he knows im not the type of woman who LIES because i wasnt raised to lie and always be very honest people have more respect for you if your honest . im just upset and need someone to talk to me


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## turnera

Bevi, you need to start your own thread so you can get the help you need. While you're doing that, please remember to break your text into paragraphs and to use capitalization in your sentences. My poor eyes can't break all that block of text up to be able to read it!


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## marsiay

This is not really good happening with you. Cool ..sit together with your husband and talk about matter. If he don't change his own behaviour leave him alone temporarily. 3 month back, one my close friend met same situation because her husband love to play online games at Games2cool but now they resolved their problem and give time to each other. Even they play games at Games2coolwhen they get time from busy schedule.


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## GROWNMAN23

I used to be like him. I will be honest and say that my wife used to bore the hell out of me and playing my ps3 was my outlet. 

Try giving him a blow job while he is playing!! See how he reacts, then go from there.


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## turnera

You sound like a wonderful husband.


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## GROWNMAN23

turnera said:


> You sound like a wonderful husband.


Actually I am a wonderful husband and have a wonderful marriage. I have been through this exact situation. Once I sat down with my wife and explained why I always on the ps3, we both changed some things around, and now I am barely on the game. 


There is a difference between "spending time" and "spending quality time". If you argue or annoying each other than that may be an issue. If you guys enjoy each others time and have fun doing so, is a productive tool to keep him off the game.


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## turnera

Do you often make judgments about her? Does she make them about you? Does she know you say things like she 'bored the hell' out of you?


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## Cogo123

Grown.
My hubby is addicted to gaming as well and plays some war game on PS3. 
He says he loves me but he spends every free moment on the game. I cannot compete with a computer game. Just not as exciting I guess.
what was it that made you stop or slow way down? 
He has been playing for more than 10 years. We have been married 20 years

I hate to end a marriage over this but I am not feeling like I matter even though he says I do.



QUOTE=GROWNMAN23;566999]Actually I am a wonderful husband and have a wonderful marriage. I have been through this exact situation. Once I sat down with my wife and explained why I always on the ps3, we both changed some things around, and now I am barely on the game. 


There is a difference between "spending time" and "spending quality time". If you argue or annoying each other than that may be an issue. If you guys enjoy each others time and have fun doing so, is a productive tool to keep him off the game.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROWNMAN23

To be honest, sex was the top reason why I slowed down. Not even a video game can replace making love to my wife. Thats why I suggested a blow job. If he refuses, then I would suggest counseling. Trust me, its not as bad as you think. He could be out with another women, or out in a bar, ect ect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cogo123

wow....you sound just like him. He always tells me at least you know where I am at. What does that have to do with anything? I want to spend time with him. He is just too addicted to let go until I get to the point of saying I am done with you unless you slow down. Then he tries spending time with me but looks bored as hell becuase I cannot compete with the video game. I love sex....him not so much. When he has it he likes it but its getting him to that point that is difficult. At least I know there is hope.


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## EleGirl

GROWNMAN23 said:


> To be honest, sex was the top reason why I slowed down. Not even a video game can replace making love to my wife. Thats why I suggested a blow job. If he refuses, then I would suggest counseling. Trust me, its not as bad as you think. He could be out with another women, or out in a bar, ect ect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your making excuses for a man spending all his time on computer games does not help people who have real problems in their marriage. It's the OP's husband who has a problem, not her. He's the one who is shutting her out and not even giving her a chance to meet his needs.

I can tell you from experience that often men who are addicted to computer gaming do not care about anything at all... not even sex. They shut out the world.

You are suggesting that she give him a blow job to get his attention and meet his needs. How about him trying to get her attention and him tryingto meet her needs. Now there's a novel idea.


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## Stonewall

I admit I have a terrible addiction to a game called Joint operations. One day I realized I was playing to much and asked the wife if it bothered her and she said sometimes it made her wonder how important she was to me. That broke my heart!

Since then I generally only play when she is not here.


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## GROWNMAN23

Im not making excuses. I stated something that 
may help, then followed with conseling if un successful. 

They are reasons why people find outlets in other activites. Can only tell you what worked in my situation. No one is perfect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROWNMAN23

EleGirl said:


> Your making excuses for a man spending all his time on computer games does not help people who have real problems in their marriage. It's the OP's husband who has a problem, not her. He's the one who is shutting her out and not even giving her a chance to meet his needs.
> 
> I can tell you from experience that often men who are addicted to computer gaming do not care about anything at all... not even sex. They shut out the world.
> 
> You are suggesting that she give him a blow job to get his attention and meet his needs. How about him trying to get her attention and him tryingto meet her needs. Now there's a novel idea.


You are right but she is the one seeking help. Sometimes is marriage even when your in the right, one must be willing to breake the ice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cogo123

Stonewall
I wish my husband was able to see the bigger picture and the affect it is having on our marriage. Glad you were able to find it in your heart to know what was more important in your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtnohio

GROWNMAN23 said:


> To be honest, sex was the top reason why I slowed down. Not even a video game can replace making love to my wife. Thats why I suggested a blow job. If he refuses, then I would suggest counseling. Trust me, its not as bad as you think. He could be out with another women, or out in a bar, ect ect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's engaging in unhealthy behavior. He's getting mentally stimulated by the game instead of interaction with human beings. That's unhealthy for anyone, but especially so when the person you are not interested in is your spouse.

The argument that at least he's not out running around reminds me of two people arguing about which wing of the airplane is more important. I think they're both kinda critical. When he's ignoring his wife, it doesn't really matter what other bad things he could be doing. It's still bad.

One thing to be on the lookout for. It could very well be that he's addicted to the adrenaline rush of the game itself. That's bad enough.

However, a lot of games can be remotely played with other players. I don't know how you'd check this out, but make sure he's not having some kind of emotional affair with one of the other players online. 

Some friends of mine started playing online poker, and before long she left him and their two kids to move across the country to have a fling with a guy she met through the online poker. Their oldest is 3. He just walks around crying a lot lately, because he can't understand where mommy went. She completely devastated her young family because of a hookup that originated with online poker. 

Make sure that's not happening here. Be careful about accusing him unless you have proof! That could make things even worse.

So sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine turning down a beautiful young wife who wants sex for my computer. Very sad.


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## Emly

:iagree:



Prodigal said:


> When a 22-year-old man who has an attractive wife prefers to sit in front of a computer screen playing a game ... there are serious problems.
> 
> You could shake him up a bit and announce you are going home to your family in KY for an unspecified period of time. See if he reacts to that. Frankly, whether he reacts or not, maybe you should go home for several weeks in order to see if he gets his priorities straight, because right now they are dead wrong.
> 
> If you go home for, say, two weeks and don't hear a word out of him, at least you will know where you stand as far as your marriage goes.


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## endlessgrief

I have been with my husband for over 20 years. Back in the 80's it was Nintendo then on and on through time. Now it is Mafia Wars and Poker online. Some nights when we are watching TV together, it will become quite late and he will get up to leave the room. Surprised (at first) I said WHERE ARE YOU GOING, I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU AND WATCH A MOVIE and his response is IT'S GETTING LATE. I thought WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? Well, he cannot wait to get into his kitchen and get on that computer with his rum and coke and nothing I can say will stop him. NOTHING. 

Yes, it is insentive, their actions speak louder than words and you have the right to feel jilted and lonely. Before you get accustomed to this wonderful emotion, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. If you moved on while he is playing his games, he won't know you are gone unless he has to get up to take a pee. Stupid men, they don't know what they have until they lose it. Too bad it has to come to that.


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## EleGirl

This is a very old thread.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

EleGirl said:


> This is a very old thread.


It is, but I'm surprised there isn't more mention of this addiction here on TAM. My Wife started playing about four years ago and eventually withdrew into that world playing WOW. End result, an EA that went PA, then she left a 22 year marriage and two kids. There is a site called WOW detox that has over 5000 posts fro addicts and their spouses.


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