# Holy Hell, it hurts like mad!!!



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

I don't know how to cope anymore. I found my husband has joined a live chat with females in our home state and has "Dating" on his profile.

MC seemed to be working. I think he is addicted to cheating. I have to cut him loose, after all the trying and crying and worrying. What a swine. It hurts so much.

He looked me right in the eyes and told me he was not "trawling", that he felt awful for his EA and would never do that to me or our family again. I am so sick over this. So sick.

I will discuss this with him when he gets home. I can't live with the lying and sneakiness anymore. He deletes his phone messages. He is still sneaking around. We stopped Face Book all together, on our MC's advice, and it is like he is going crazy not being able to flirt and masturbate. We never have sex. It is really killing me. 

I asked him if he was no longer attracted to me? He insists he is. I kept my shape, leave the house every day looking good. Interact with him, or try to. He is so distant again. I give up. I'm done.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

A peice of advice.....print it all out. 

Be calm....well kind of...he cant change or back peddle if its printed out.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> A peice of advice.....print it all out.
> 
> Be calm....well kind of...he cant change or back peddle if its printed out.
> 
> ...


Will do.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> I will discuss this with him when he gets home.


What's to discuss?


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> Will do.


Make two copies. One if you intend to confront him with it - just in case he shreds the evidence. The second copy keep tucked away for your attorney, should the need occur.


----------



## M2lngha1 (Jul 26, 2012)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> I don't know how to cope anymore. I found my husband has joined a live chat with females in our home state and has "Dating" on his profile.
> 
> MC seemed to be working. I think he is addicted to cheating. I have to cut him loose, after all the trying and crying and worrying. What a swine. It hurts so much.
> 
> ...


So sorry to hear this. You sound as though you've done everything by the book with the MC, no F/B, etc... But it clearly seems as though he's dealing with alot of internal issues. He's addicted, he lies without considering the consequences, he's in denial with himself. It's hard to help someone when they don't want the help! Just like a person addicted to smoking or drinking, until HE'S ready to face up to his addiction, realize just how damaging his actions are to his family then he pretty much doesn't leave you much choice but to move on. There's no emotional connection there with you two anymore, if there was he'd be able to feel the pain you're going through right now and he would do whatever it took in order to get himself back on track. But until that happens you need to do what's best for your future and your family's future.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Has he read any of Patrick Carnes books?

Some of the links in my sig you may find helpful too. I am so sorry you're dealing with this


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

I am thinking of going on Face Book and writing, "My husband has opened an account on our state web dating service. His profile says he is "dating"". What do you think?


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Has he read any of Patrick Carnes books?
> 
> Some of the links in my sig you may find helpful too. I am so sorry you're dealing with this


If he is a "sex addict", why doesn't he want to have sex with me? I am not challenging the concept. He is addicted to masturbation. Just, why doesn't he want to have sex with me?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Sex addicts come in many forms. It's not true that they all want to just have sex all the time. My husband is actually fairly low on the frequency scale as far as guys go. What they are seeking is a dopamine high from doing something that turns them on, is forbidden, and they do it enough that it detracts from their primary relationship.

You keep throwing out the term "addicted'. You say he's addicted to cheating, then that he's addicted to masturbation. Don't throw those terms around lightly. He needs to be evaluated by a professional before he should be labelled an addict. 

Also, 'sex addiction' encompasses a host of addictive behaviours, including masturbation, cybersex, child porn, sex in public, using hookers, etc etc etc.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Yes don't be nice. Don't be understanding. Don't believe this was all your fault. Don't fall for the drama. There is never a good excuse to cheat.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

badbane said:


> There is never a good excuse to cheat.


Never? Gotta watch those absolutes.

I can think of one right off the bat. A loving, caring couple has a tragedy where one of them is in a coma and it's been like 20 years and each day the faithful spouse visits the other one in the hospital.. but they have needs.. and there's no reasonable possibility of the comatose spouse ever recovering.

And that's just off the top of my head.

There are probably more realistic scenarios.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

kindi said:


> Never? Gotta watch those absolutes.
> 
> I can think of one right off the bat. A loving, caring couple has a tragedy where one of them is in a coma and it's been like 20 years and each day the faithful spouse visits the other one in the hospital.. but they have needs.. and there's no reasonable possibility of the comatose spouse ever recovering.
> 
> ...


Ooooo goodie, THIS debate again.


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

kindi said:


> What's to discuss?


Divorce.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> Divorce.


Is that a question or an affirmative answer?

I get the feeling you're going in there with an open mind and hoping that bringing up the D word will somehow make him rethink his position(s).

From what I read there is nothing to discuss.

See an attorney, file the papers and he can read them when he's served.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> Divorce.


Just file the papers. The only ones discussing should be the attorneys.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

kindi said:


> Never? Gotta watch those absolutes.
> 
> I can think of one right off the bat. A loving, caring couple has a tragedy where one of them is in a coma and it's been like 20 years and each day the faithful spouse visits the other one in the hospital.. but they have needs.. and there's no reasonable possibility of the comatose spouse ever recovering.
> 
> ...


Then wife wakes up and then husband has to spill the beans. Now who's stuck in a rock and hard place.


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

I posted on Face Book, "My husband started up a new profile on a New Jersey Live Web Chat to meet girls. His status in his profile is "Dating"." It feels really good to out it.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> I posted on Face Book, "My husband started up a new profile on a New Jersey Live Web Chat to meet girls. His status in his profile is "Dating"." It feels really good to out it.


Well, that's one way to expose I guess!!

Next thing to do is put all his clothes in garbage bags and put them out on the driveway.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> I posted on Face Book, "My husband started up a new profile on a New Jersey Live Web Chat to meet girls. His status in his profile is "Dating"." It feels really good to out it.


Some day you won't feel really good about making him feel really bad.

He'll just be a distant memory and nothing he does, thinks, or says will have any effect upon you whatsoever.

That's going to take a while, so take it from me, a person who has been there.. limit your contact with him, don't do anything to antagonize him or make the divorce any more ugly (read that as "expensive") as it needs to be. Believe me, the divorce attorneys hear about this sort of conflict and they salivate. High conflict litigated divorce pays for their retirement and their kids college educations, and their yachts and vacation homes, while draining whatever is left of your assets.

From this point forward, now that you have made the decision to divorce, it's "business only".


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

kindi said:


> Some day you won't feel really good about making him feel really bad.
> 
> He'll just be a distant memory and nothing he does, thinks, or says will have any effect upon you whatsoever.
> 
> ...


Felt really good to get it out there.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> Felt really good to get it out there.


I get it. I really do.

I'm just saying that some of these impulsive, emotional, knee jerk decisions might feel good at the time but cause you more grief down the line. 

While it may be difficult or even impossible to resist taking some of these shots, work towards the bigger, long term goal, which is to be rid of this parasitic loser as quickly and cheaply as possible.

The bees don't usually sting until you whack the nest with a stick.


----------



## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> I posted on Face Book, "My husband started up a new profile on a New Jersey Live Web Chat to meet girls. His status in his profile is "Dating"." It feels really good to out it.


No turning back now--next you could change your relationship status to "single"


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Eh, I bet telling the truth isn't something she's going to regret.


----------

