# Should i stay or should i go =(



## my-abu (Nov 25, 2013)

i caught my wife cheating on me with his co worker a week ago and they still continuing their affair until now. 

she told me she love this guy and want to know this guy. this a** hole is also married with 3 children. 

we have a baby girl and she's the only one right now giving me hope to stay strong. i want to confront this guy and punch him but if i do that i know the result will be she will take away my baby and i ended up in jail. i even want to end my life just because i can;t take it anymore. but my baby is the only one giving me a chance to live.

so the reason why my title is should i stay or should i go. is because since i found out about their relationship we still lived together, i want to go and i will take my baby with me but i know its not a smart move coz one 911 call and the cops gonna be looking for me and file a criminal case to me. 

what hurts me everyday is when she's beside me they always text even when we sleep her phone is always on her side.
and when she's talking to this guy she will locked herself in the bathroom and talk for i don't know how long.

i don't know what to do right now. i am staying coz i love my baby so much if i go or do stupid things she will be take away from me. that's why right now even if everyday i am hurting all i can think of is my baby. 

i hope you can give me advice how to moved on and is there's a way that i can take my baby with me?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

my-abu,

You have to end the A immediately if you want any chance of saving your M and family,

To do this, do the following:

1) Expose the A to both of your families and all friends.

2) Expose to the BW of the POSOM. 

3) File for D.

4) Only communicate about D or your child.

She has to see that her life as she knows it is about to come crashing down around her.

Telling the wife of the POS will probably cause him to throw your WW under the bus as he tries to save his own worthless a**.

Being dumped by POS and then being exposed as a cheater to her friends and family will hopefully blow up Fantasy Land for her, especially since she will see you moving towards D.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer in your area about your parental rights. As long as there is no official separation or divorce you may be legally allowed to take your children out of the home. However you are not permitted to take them away from the other parent permanently. That is, you can take them to another home but your wife would be able to get some form of joint or sole custody through the courts.

I think you are best off to talk to a lawyer about what outcome you want, and then work step by step to get there. Don't do anything big which could be used against you. For example, taking your children far away might be used as evidence you are an unfit parent, and you might lose custody.

As far as your marriage is concerned, I think the strongest move is to file for divorce. Tell your wife the marriage is over. Tell her if she wants to save the marriage she has a lot of work to do. She has to earn her way back into a marriage with you. This is far stronger than asking her to stop an affair and to come back to you.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> my-abu,
> 
> You have to end the A immediately if you want any chance of saving your M and family,
> 
> ...




:iagree::iagree: :lol:


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Expose them at the work place. 

If you are married you can leave with the child. Its your right to have the child just as much as she can have the child. 

If she wont leave I would take your daughter and leave. I would start no contact with her. You need to protect your daughter. This environment is not healthy for your daughter or you. 

Talk to a lawyer and learn your rights. 

I would leave tonight if it was me. 

Clay


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## Marigold32 (Nov 24, 2013)

I think it is clear she does not love you anymore or care about your feelings if she can hurt you like that. She told you she loves someone else. A married man for that matter. They communicate right in your face, while she's in bed or would go in the bathroom for ages and you're just there letting it happen. I'm sorry but are you weak by any chance because of the love u have for her? She may know this and taking you for granted and knows that whatever she does you might just still be there. As a woman I know that we don't like to see that sort of weakness in a man. First of all it's a turn off. Secondly it's a chance to look for someone stronger elsewhere. Set the record straight and tell her you're leaving if the affair does not stop. If she does not love u anymore it's best you leave. Love is key to any relationship. You'll have custody or joint custody for your child. She shouldn't be reason for your staying. You hurting like that and being in that state is not healthy for you or your daughter. No amount of love for your wife is worth the pain, disrespect, and humiliation. See a lawyer and get some advice. Any woman who starts doing such and is not evening hiding it, is probably done with you emotionally.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Talk to a lawyer before you do anything. Find out what your rights are.


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## my-abu (Nov 25, 2013)

Thank you guys for the quick response. i know i am weak i let my emotion rules, but just like i said. i am just affraid of losing my baby she's 20 months old and she's so adorable. she's a daddy's girl everytime im around she always want to come with me. and people around us see that too. right now she's still not home she supposed to be home 2 hrs ago. no text or call. i know its over. i am just a dreamer that hoping everything will work. i am a very senstive person right now. i have no family here. i am all alone. 

i just want to hear talk to someone who have expeience this kind of situation and give me advice how to start.

thanks again everyone for the reply it helps a lot.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Sorry you are here. Right now your wife is in the land of Unicorns and Rainbows. On top of this she does not respect you and does not fear for her marriage.

The very first thing you do and do not tell her your are going to do this is Expose the A. Sunlight kills A's Tell her parents, your parents, friends. Do not be vengeful just tell them the facts. Tell this guys wife! Make sure your wife does not know you are going to do this, just do it

Next file for divorce and have her served. If she works have her served at work.

Go to the doctor and get checked for STD's (She has had unprotected sex)

She does not respect you or fear losing the marriage. Do they things and do them quickly and Unicorns will become Jack Asses and Rainbow will become a thunderstorm.

I hate to ask but is the little girl yours?

Man up


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

mahike said:


> Sorry you are here. Right now your wife is in the land of Unicorns and Rainbows. On top of this she does not respect you and does not fear for her marriage.
> 
> The very first thing you do and do not tell her your are going to do this is Expose the A. Sunlight kills A's Tell her parents, your parents, friends. Do not be vengeful just tell them the facts. Tell this guys wife! Make sure your wife does not know you are going to do this, just do it
> 
> ...


Let the pos's wife now to break this up.

I have to agree you may want to DNA test your kid.
You will still be a father.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

DNA test to make sure the child is yours. If only 20 months and she is cheating it might not be yours, not trying to stir up anything just point to possibilities. Time to talk to an attorney about your rights and the legal coverage for you in your state, and possibly HR if policies exist against such relationships at work. 

Finally Expose, expose, expose!!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Expose her lover, tell his wife-------tell her you are filing for D---put all marital assets in your name only----cancel all her CC's------tell her as of now she is responsible for paying half of each and every bill your mge has, including insurance, mtg, car, utilities, and necessities of life

Be civil, but no more---and go dark on her


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Sorry you are here. That being said, you have received spot on advice, but here comes the hard part. Act on it!!! Maybe she will wake up, maybe not, but you will survive and be stronger for it. Hang in there and don't do anything to harm yourself. Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

On a side note, my grandfather killed himself when my mom was 4 years old, and it really has harmed her. She still resents him, and is disgusted by his actions. I know you don't want your daughter to think about you in this light. The best revenge is living well. Best wishes.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Expose. File. Get a var. Kick her out bedroom. Start 180.
Im not big on taking cheaters back if they continue affair after dday. You wife knew you would stay for the baby. You will not lose your child by manning up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I would talk to a lawyer, if she is willing to do this right under your nose she has no respect for you. If you do file for a divorce over this some have successfully sued the OM or OW. But get some evidence before you let her know your going to divorce her.

If you know who the man is anonymously tell his wife or send her some pictures. He may not be willing to leave his wife for her.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Thebes said:


> I would talk to a lawyer, if she is willing to do this right under your nose she has no respect for you. If you do file for a divorce over this some have successfully sued the OM or OW. But get some evidence before you let her know your going to divorce her.
> 
> If you know who the man is anonymously tell his wife or send her some pictures. He may not be willing to leave his wife for her.


Anonymous my ass. Call his wife and let her know who you are and what her husband is up to with your wife. Then, send an exposure letter to the higher ups at their employer (CEO, 2 VPs, HR, and their immediate supervisors). You do these 2 things, and in one fell swoop, and this affair will be over in a day. 

If you want a workplace exposure letter template, just sound off.


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## my-abu (Nov 25, 2013)

Thank you guys for the advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beach (Feb 21, 2013)

my-abu said:


> Thank you guys for the quick response. i know i am weak i let my emotion rules, but just like i said. i am just affraid of losing my baby she's 20 months old and she's so adorable. she's a daddy's girl everytime im around she always want to come with me. and people around us see that too. right now she's still not home she supposed to be home 2 hrs ago. no text or call. i know its over. i am just a dreamer that hoping everything will work. i am a very senstive person right now. i have no family here. i am all alone.
> 
> i just want to hear talk to someone who have expeience this kind of situation and give me advice how to start.
> 
> thanks again everyone for the reply it helps a lot.



Sorry you are here, it's not fun! You are not alone, as I'm going through the same situation you are. My W has been having an affair for the past 2.5 years with a co-worker and I found out about it the first week it happened. She has been lying to me the entire time. I stayed and put up with her deceitfulness for so long because of my now 3 yr old son. He is everything to me and I wanted to give him a family. Like the advice given to you on this forum, I was not being a man and sticking up for my family. I was in a sense, allowing her to continue the affair.

As of labor day I found messages from her to OM saying how much they love each other. I had enough and asked to her to move out. She moved into her parents house and I got my own place a month ago. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done, but it was also the best thing I've ever done. I told her I'm no longer taking her **** any longer and moving on. I'm extremely heart broken and find it difficult to get myself out of bed most days, but it does get easier, trust me. Rely on your friends and take this time for yourself!! On the days you have your daughter, focus on her. I love the time I get with my son (we spilt costody 50/50). On the days I have him, it's just me and him and I get to experience him in ways I never would have with his mother there.

Two months after kicking her out and now that I got my own place, I got a job huge offer from a competitor. When one door closes another one opens! My W is in a state of depression and even asked to move back in. She feels extremely regretful for her actions these past 2.5 yrs and now finally wants to make it work. She's realizing that I don't need her in my life and that I'm moving on. The verdict is still out if I want her back....

So, take the advice you get on here as most people writing have been through this as I'm going through it now. Standing up for yourself and trying to better yourself is the best thing you can do right now for you and your daughter. Your W will see this change and will like it. Ask her to move out TODAY, please don't wait 2.5 yrs like I did. Trust me, the affair will not end! Asking her to leave will be the most difficult thing you have ever done to this point in your life (it was for me), but she needs to know that you will no longer accept her affair.

Good luck and focus on yourself. I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year as I am also all alone (family lives 3,000 miles away)


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