# What does passion "look" like to you?



## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

The term passion is used regularly when talking about an intimate or sexual relationship between couples. There are a few threads going on now about being good in bed and the word passion is mentiond alot. Something I've had on my mind for some time is that I don't think I can put into words what passion is or looks like. 

I know what the textbook definition of passion is but I want to know what passion looks like to you? 

What does your spouse or partner do that makes you say "we have passion in our marriage/relationship"? 


How do you show passion to your spouse?

Hopefully this post is clear, it's just something that I've been wondering for some time now.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Sexually speaking, passion = enthusiasm. If you are happy to be in bed with me and having sex with me, then you have passion for me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

For me and my husband, it's all about the kiss. There's fire there...even when my hair is a mess and he hasn't shaved in 3 days.


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## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

When two hands feel like four . . .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Passion to me is all the things mentioned above.

It is also the look on his face, I can feel the passion when he looks at me. Melts me every time.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

For me, passion in marriage is a deep desire to be with my spouse and show her how much I love, respect and admire her through the best I can deliver in physical expression. 

It does not matter to me if it is in the bedroom or not. If I am passionate about my wife, I want the expression of it in all parts of our lives.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

to me is ....a craving for your lover... to be filled...or just be in their arms....whether you long for them emotionally or erotically.... just the entangelment of that sweet togetherness... feeling it in his / her kiss, their touch, their love for us......this lifts one on a 
"euphoric high" that soothes and fulfulls us very deeply.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> For me, passion in marriage is a deep desire to be with my spouse and show her how much I love, respect and admire her through the best I can deliver in physical expression.
> 
> It does not matter to me if it is in the bedroom or not. If I am passionate about my wife, I want the expression of it in all parts of our lives.


Love your answer, thank you!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I believe when you're passionate about something you make it priority.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

TrustInUs said:


> Love your answer, thank you!


Thanks. You made me smile a little and feel warm inside.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Thanks for the responses. So I guess my next ? is that is it more of something you feel and not necessarily something you see with actions? I guess I'm a little confused as to how one "acts" passionate. It almost seems is if it's there its there, or not....

For example I would say that I still sometimes get butterflies when my H looks at me, or when he comes home from a business trip. Or like some said in the way we kiss. Would you call that passion?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

For me, that feeling you are getting when he comes home from work means attraction not passion. Sexual attraction does not have to include passion. The act of sex does not have to include passion.

You can do it just to get off. The person you are able to do it with is the person you are attracted to.

Edit: In my opinion, you must express passion for another to recognize it...An example which does not involve sex....

I had a job years ago that I felt passionate about. I traveled when asked. I read books about it. I worked up to 70 hours a week trying to soak up as much knowledge as I could and increase my skills. I worked in the shop for eight hours then outside the shop, on the job site after the first eight. It was difficult to really interrupt me when I was working. It could be done, but I did not like being interrupted.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Passion can look like wild sex or it can look like an axe murder. All depends on which emotions happen to be driving the passion.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Passion can look like wild sex or it can look like an axe murder. All depends on which emotions happen to be driving the passion.


I entirely disagree with this.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> For me, that feeling you are getting when he comes home from work means attraction not passion. Sexual attraction does not have to include passion. The act of sex does not have to include passion.
> 
> You can do it just to get off. The person you are able to do it with is the person you are attracted to.
> 
> ...


The bolded part makes sense. Also thanks for your example.... This is a topic I will bring up to my H....when I think back I don't recall either of us using the word passion to describe our marriage so after seeing it a lot it just got me to wondering. Thanks for your perspective.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TrustInUs said:


> So I guess my next ? is that is it more of something you feel and not necessarily something you see with actions? I guess I'm a little confused as to how one "acts" passionate. It almost seems is if it's there its there, or not....


 I believe how someone treats us...if we love them back...this revs our passion for each other. My husband has said some things in a moment that were so touching, I'd tear up, his feelings for me are very passionate, he has teared up too. Intense feelings is about passion. 

When I am into something, no matter what it is... I tend to be very passionate about it. This brings me happiness, to do and be what I enjoy - living my passions. 



> For example I would say that I still sometimes get butterflies when my H looks at me, or when he comes home from a business trip. Or like some said in the way we kiss. Would you call that passion?


 You feel loved & stirred by him, I'd say you are feeling passion - those are feeling that are rising within you towards your husband. 




> *2ntnuf said:*The act of sex does not have to include passion.
> 
> You can do it just to get off. The person you are able to do it with is the person you are attracted to.


 I've never looked at sex this way....I have never separated the emotional from the sexual - so for me, passion was always present. 



Found this on the net, I so agree >>>


> *Passion is* intense feeling, strong excitement, strong affection, love, intense desire and enthusiasm. You can have passion for anything or anyone. We all have a basic need to feel passion. In other words, passion or being passionate is the fire in our eyes, in our bodies and in our lives that drives us forward, whether it is for work, our hobbies or for our relationships.
> 
> When people lose passion or fire in their lives or in their relationships, you can see the results. Having passion is a way of living every moment of your life to its fullest. It means being truthful, being both powerful and vulnerable, having a willingness to stay and go deeper and taking responsibility for creating what we want in our lives.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> For me, that feeling you are getting when he comes home from work means attraction not passion. Sexual attraction does not have to include passion. The act of sex does not have to include passion.


Well you can have sex with someone you are not attracted to. To me passion is just a high intensity attraction. I'd be curious to know what you think the distinction is.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

east2west said:


> *Well you can have sex with someone you are not attracted to. * To me passion is just a high intensity attraction. I'd be curious to know what you think the distinction is.


Please don't put words in my mouth. 

If I am not attracted to a woman, I cannot "get it up". So, I physically cannot have sex.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Please don't put words in my mouth.
> 
> If I am not attracted to a woman, I cannot "get it up". So, I physically cannot have sex.


I didn't put any words in your mouth. Lot's of men can easily get it up for any woman regardless without any kind of attraction.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

east2west said:


> I didn't put any words in your mouth. Lot's of men can easily get it up for any woman regardless without any kind of attraction.


It's new to me. 

So, are you saying, by extrapolation, if you see a woman sick in bed throwing up, with fever and diarhea, just trying to rest and get a little sleep when she can, you could get it up and have sex with her?

I gotta believe this would be some really weird form of attraction.

This is where love, respect and compassion take over for me. Not sex.

Will you explain further, please? I obviously do not understand.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

One possible explanation or test if you will. If you have enthusiasm and you are rejected you can take it in stride. If you have passion and are rejected, you are very disappointed and have a negative emotional response. 

I like the many different responses here. Very thought provoking.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> It's new to me.
> 
> So, are you saying, by extrapolation, if you see a woman sick in bed throwing up, with fever and diarhea, just trying to rest and get a little sleep when she can, you could get it up and have sex with her?
> 
> ...


This is my interpretation of the statement. 

I think many men can have sex with a body ( or object ) they are attracted to, but are not attracted to the person.

A crass example: a stuck up, "mean girl" princess from high school. You may not be attracted to her as a person, but if you found her drunk at a party you might be able to have sex with her. Hence " that was fun, now leave" 

My theory is men must also be attracted to the "object" and not just the person. The whole visual thing at play. This is why many men have problems with their wives if they gain weight. Women do not seem to have that problem with men to the same degree.

Ever hear of "beer goggles" ?


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> It's new to me.
> 
> So, are you saying, by extrapolation, if you see a woman sick in bed throwing up, with fever and diarhea, just trying to rest and get a little sleep when she can, you could get it up and have sex with her?


Gee whiz who is putting words in people's mouths now?  I never said that I am this way. For me sex without intimacy, let alone attraction is a non-starter.



> I gotta believe this would be some really weird form of attraction.


Well, when you hear a man describe a woman he had sex with as "ugly as f0ck" then I would not describe that as attraction. Perhaps you define attraction by the presence of an erect penis. But penises get hard in lots of different circumstances. Men who are not attracted to their wives will still have sex with them when they need release or out of obligation. For me attraction has to do with a persistent desire to be with a specific person over an extended period of time. An "attraction" that only exists for a short time, when your drunk and it's dark, is not really what I would call attraction. It might become an attraction if you find yourself wanting to be with that person again.



> This is where love, respect and compassion take over for me. Not sex.


The separation of love and sex is something I do not understand. What do you feel for someone you love, if not sexual desire? I think it's called friendship, not love.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I still get butterflies. Is that passion? I would say so.

I think passion is different for everyone though.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

StargateFan said:


> This is my interpretation of the statement.
> 
> I think many men can have sex with a body ( or object ) they are attracted to, but are not attracted to the person.
> 
> ...


Beer goggles? Yes. That is when I am drunk and can find it within myself to get an erection for someone I wouldn't normally get one with. Doesn't work for me. By the time the "goggles" started to work at lowering my inhibitions, I had already drank too much to be of any use. i.e.: trouble getting it up

So there would have to be a physical attraction already there for me to do that and I would have to not drink too much alcohol.

This is _me_. _ I_ am like this. I am not saying anyone else should be like this. It is the way _I_ am, right or wrong, good or bad. Maybe a change is in order. That is partly why I am here. 

If I changed your quotes, I apologize. I tried to just change the color of the font for my responses. Oh, and thanks for chiming in. It's much appreciated.


Crap! It's not right.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I believe how someone treats us...if we love them back...this revs our passion for each other. My husband has said some things in a moment that were so touching, I'd tear up, his feelings for me are very passionate, he has teared up too. Intense feelings is about passion.
> 
> When I am into something, no matter what it is... I tend to be very passionate about it. This brings me happiness, to do and be what I enjoy - living my passions.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your reply and the definition. I believe I am passionate about my marriage in general. For example, it's the reason I'm here, the reason I read books about it. And by that definition you provided I would say I'm also passionate about my husband. I guess I was just wondering how one physically expresses passion to their spouse. 

For example when some says their marriage or sexual relationship is "lacking passion" I wonder what the "it" is that is missing.

I may not be making sense in my thiughts here but thanks for your perspective.



that_girl said:


> I still get butterflies. Is that passion? I would say so.
> 
> *I think passion is different for everyone though.*


I agree. I just wanted to hear how others described it in their marriages.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

east2west said:


> Gee whiz who is putting words in people's mouths now?  I never said that I am this way. For me sex without intimacy, let alone attraction is a non-starter.
> 
> Intimacy is different from attraction. Love, in my opinion requires a certain amount of intimacy. Attraction for sex does not. Ex.: I guy goes to a hooker. Does he pick the first one he sees? Not usually. He will pick the best looking one he can afford. Not just being frugal, but he wants to be attracted to her as well. Attraction necessary for sex, not love.
> 
> ...


Well, the kind of love I feel for my mother or brother is not the same kind of love I feel for a wife. See above comment.

Thanks for your comments. Hope I didn't mess this one up too.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TrustInUs said:


> For example when some says their marriage or sexual relationship is "lacking passion" I wonder what the "it" is that is missing.


Looked up this old post I did ...taken from post #39 on THIS THREAD .... I really felt bad for this husband who was struggling with his wife having *ZERO passion* .... I knocked myself out trying to explain passion, put 2 links on there ....Here is my repost.... with a quote I really liked at the end.. 



> I looked up those 1-5 & 8 on that Passion link ....
> 
> *1*. ardent love or affection
> *2. * intense sexual love
> ...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Passion can be different things to different people.
Depend on the dynamics of the relationship, it could be in different degrees.
I'll give an example of my wife and I this afternoon.

5.30PM, I arrive home with a customary little gift for her. She likes it. It means I thought about her during the day.
On my way home she phoned and said that she didn't cook and asked me to pick up dinner. I told her no. I was too harassed and tired,I just want to reach home.
So , upon entering in I smell curry and I smile. I didn't think she would cook. I thought she would have ordered something.

_But she cooked my favorite meal, curry!_

I ate whilst she's in the shower shampooing her hair etc. 
I tell myself that I'm glad that I married her. And I count my blessings.I feel good. After her shower,I head to the bedroom and tell her that dinner was super fine . I kiss her forehead, and hug her.
This may appear insignificant, but I felt a rush, a feeling of contentment. i am glad I married her!
To me that's passion.

Fast Forward.
I head to the shower , take a bath and walk into the bedroom still towelling myself dry. At the same time I'm telling her how stressful today was , and blah, blah, blah.
She's on the bed with her ipad doing something,so I assume she's not really paying attention,she's quiet.

After a while I look around and she staring at , my naked body, me towelling my hair. And she has that look on her face. 
I smile, she blushes and continues with her ipad.
I know exactly what's happening later tonight.

I saw/ felt the sexual desire /passion from her during that 
" moment ."


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

I thought my marriage lacked passion - especially if you look at how Hollywood/novels paint the picture of a passionate couple (And I confess that's the kind of romance I occasionally crave from my 'slightly' clueless/realistic husband). I've always thought my marriage was more the affectionate/caring/sober type. 

However, on reading the replies and the definitions above now - I don't think my marriage can be called a non-passionate one either. Its just that the 'realizations' are missing from my end. A few of the examples cited above do happen in my life too, but its strange that I've never really related it to 'passion' per se. 

However, the 'butterfly' effect that some state - now that's seriously something I've never felt bar one or two instances in my marriage. On the other hand; deep love and profound gratefulness - that's something I feel more often than not. 

P.S. CM, reading random chapters from your daily life are as inspiring as reading a real-life novel to me!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

that_girl said:


> For me and my husband, it's all about the kiss. There's fire there...even when my hair is a mess and he hasn't shaved in 3 days.


You are right about passion being in the kiss....There would always be a point when in the middle of a deep soulful kiss, the firmness in her lips would melt away to infinite softness, her breathing would get shallow and rapid, and when I looked at her face the expression was totally out of context to what was happening....She would look almost like she was about to faint....

She was at that point where passion and lust had gone into system overload....Her limbs were limp, her eyelids half closed and fluttering, and the only tense parts on her body were her clit and her nipples.....If she reached this levil ,when she orgasmed ,she would sometimes swoon into unconsciousness.......That is passion.....

Can you see why I now mourn our past lovelife in our currently almost sexless marriage?


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## larcenciel (Nov 28, 2012)

For me, passion is intensity of desire.

That desire can be for sex, or any other kind of physical contact. It's a desire that defies the roadblocks many of us succumb to in life and in relationship.

When you desperately want something, does being tired deter you? Does fear deter you? Or can you barely stop yourself?

That's passion to me. And that's how I see it in relationships or creativity or a career. When you're passionate, you refuse to let anything get in the way of what you want. The way that's visible to your partner is when you go out of your way to act on that passion, even when you're tired, it's not convenient, or you're stressed out. Whatever it is you want, you want it bad enough to let other things fall to the side.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

When you have passion in your job, you don't just punch the time clock, you do whatever it takes because you enjoy your work. I am lucky enough to have chosen an occupation that I have a lot of passion for. I work in my strength zone and my boss really appreciates my efforts.

Having passion in a relationship means that you still have a visible energy and desire for someone. When you have passion in your marriage, you do whatever it takes to love and accept your partner....and to make their life on this earth a better experience. You don't have time for resentment, you just do what ever it takes to tackle life's obstacles and focus on the big picture. At the same time, you cherish the small details and gestures that we will all remember when we are old.

When I buy my wife flowers, I get excited just thinking about how her face will light up every time she sees them. I love to surprise her with activities to brighten her day. My thoughts and energy to make things like this happen for her comes from the real passion in my heart. Passion is an incredible and very powerful thing to have.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

^^^ great description... The second paragraph really hit home for me. There was a time in the begining that I tried a little too hard to please my H and it did build up a little resentment, but I worked through it.

On another note, I dicussesd this with my husband, and he calmed my worries so to speak, but it was great hearing how others described passion in their own words.


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