# Almost done!!!



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hey everyone.

Lately I've been emotional and kind of needed to vent. What better way then through TAM!

It looks like I am in the final stretch. 

Quick summary:

-Married too damn young. I was 22, she was 28 at the time. Dated for 3 years, then married for about 3. All was good until.....

-Her grandma died. She changed after that. I think it's because her grandma could have lived longer but she felt like there wasn't any reason for her to do so. The ex-wife took that very personally.

-Opted to split after she admitted a breakdown. She said she'd continue to try to work it out so we bought the house together.

-3 months in, in spring, I find needles in the backyard while cleaning up. I show her to tell her to be careful. She leaves. Says she is going to a friend.

-Turns out to be a week. Comes back. After some mini-drama, I come home from work and she is completely moved out. Left a note stating she cheated on me and couldn't live with the guilt. She also admits to being raped and having an abortion with me and couldn't go through being pregnant again. 

-Next few months were hell. Went through many up and downs, eventually I stopped communicating with her. That's when I started healing and getting better. 

-A year flew by. Talk to lawyer. He tells me to find out where she lives so I can serve her the papers. I do so by asking her family (funny how they are on my side because they know she's crazy). Turns out she quit her high paying job and moved to butt**** nowhere, for God knows what reason(s). I don't understand but okay. Lol. Get an email stating she freaked out when she was served from the field staff. When I read her response I felt so good. It's true. She is crazy. I can't believe someone would talk so mean towards a stranger like that. How on earth could I ever be with someone like that! (If you met me in RL you'd be like, Jesus Christ what a ****ing hippy). Lol. 

-Emailed her to tell her the terms. She ignores me. Responds to the lawyer with ridiculous counter-arguments. My lawyer laughs and tells me not to worry. Clearly she has no idea what she is talking about. He emails her back. SHUT DOWN!

-She agrees to sign the papers and now we are waiting for that... but still, she refuses to reply to me, despite a year later of no communication. 

-Found out from a friend that she knew my ex wife before we dated. Apparently she used to be a prostitute and a drug addict, as well was her sister and mother. Wowzers! She also tells me that she's a "runner"; as soon as things get intense she runs away and what she did to me was, well, unfortunately expected/predicted. She will most likely run from her problems the rest of her life. Part of me feels bad for her, part of me says well you reap what you sow. I am so happy that everything makes sense. And the last email I sent her was of love and on a good note. She might still hate my guts or think of me as ridiculous, but at least I've tried to be mature about the situation and admit my mistakes. 

Where I'm at now and how I feel:

-They say it's wrong to put someone down to bring yourself up. I don't care. I feel ****ing great knowing I dodged one of the biggest bullets ever and my network of family and friends is stronger than ever. 

-Finally no more self-pity. I know my worth. I know my boundaries. Removed myself from the dating scene. Working out, taking classes, paying down debts. Doing extremely well. She no longer plagues my mind day-to-day. 

-There is the rare night where I can't sleep. Thinking of things I could have said or done. Less and less every day. 

-I still miss and love who she was before her grandma died. She was very different. It just amazes me how much people can change. The way she ignored my calls and emails and the way she spoke to my family, friends and even just regular people...really showed me how delusional/crazy she was. And when I say crazy, I am referring to "The Martyr" archetype (it's never my fault & somebody is always out to get me"). I am so happy that I am not surrounded by this negative energy anymore. 

I used to feel bad because I shouldn't have meddled in her affairs, but now I see that I did the right thing. I knew she wouldn't heal unless these things surfaced, and sure enough, the minute I poked the bear she ran away. I tried my best and that's all one can ever do. 

Divorce worked out for me. I ended up with a house I would have never been able to afford alone, and I didn't have to pay her a single penny in the end. Heartbreak aside, it also improved my relationships with everyone else, my communication skills, dating skills, set goals and just a greater love for self overall.

Would I get married again? Yeah, but not without dating longer, living together first, seeing if passes "the crazy" test and a good ol' prenup. Also my new dream girl is of middle eastern descent. LOL. 

Thanks for reading. Comment if you like! Happy to answer questions. I just needed to get that out.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Congrats on your recovery! And good for you in avoiding more time in crazy town.

What struck me from your story was the fact that you dated for three years prior to marriage and had no idea about her past, or her families. How did stuff like that not come up in some context? Is it possible you ignored some red flags? I ask only to help you avoid issues in the future.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Glad you got out and are doing well. You dodged a major bullet by not having kids or she'd be in your life forever.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Pluto2 said:


> Congrats on your recovery! And good for you in avoiding more time in crazy town.
> 
> What struck me from your story was the fact that you dated for three years prior to marriage and had no idea about her past, or her families. How did stuff like that not come up in some context? Is it possible you ignored some red flags? I ask only to help you avoid issues in the future.


Great question.

It did. She refused to talk about her past and her moms side of the family. When I tried, no matter the mood, she'd get upset and say she didn't want to talk about it. I talked to her dad sometimes about her mother. He always had bad things to say about her, and it was almost funny that he told me himself that the apple does not fall far from the tree. 

Yeah, totally ignored red flags.

One interesting thing though. We went to my best friends wedding at some point during our relationship and she got extremely drunk. She never got drunk and so that night she had very little self-control. It was refreshing. I loved her for all her flaws, which were very obvious that night. She was open. I could not believe the things she sad and the way she acted...but I did see her for who she was in that brief night.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I recall you posted about her awhile back. She has more issues than People magazine.

Recalibrate your picker in the future. You mentioned a needle in the yard... I hope you got tested afterwards...

When people show you who they are........ believe them.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

boltam said:


> You opted to split after she had a breakdown.
> 
> Then despite all of the drama you went and bought a house together.
> 
> ...



Good observation. Kind of a combination of fear of being alone/selfishness and impulsivity though. Definitely have improved and changed that behavior. I've been extremely picky and so far so good! Funny how the more you say no and stick to your guns the more options become magically available.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> I recall you posted about her awhile back. She has more issues than People magazine.
> 
> Recalibrate your picker in the future. You mentioned a needle in the yard... I hope you got tested afterwards...
> 
> When people show you who they are........ believe them.


You bet. I've up'd my standards and changed my game incredibly. I can't believe how far I've come. It's even gotten to the point where I find myself cutting ties with people who I know aren't worth my time (not to sound egotistical but you know what I mean). I've always been a good judge of character and I am still amazed at how dumb and blind love made me. 

I never pricked myself so I didn't bother getting tested Lol. Did months later, and sure enough I'm fine. 

Absolutely (believe them). 

This world is an amazing place when you have eliminated your fears (fear of loss and being alone in my case). This new path is indeed epic. 

The one thing that really stands out since, is that there are a crazy and sad amount of women who are also broken out there. Broken from abuse and whatnot. It kind of makes me sick. Around here it's hard to find ones that aren't. To that note one buddy joked and said; "Get em when they're young!". Horrible. Lol. We are extremely crude humorists so pardon the bad joke. Lol. 


One thing that I think I am struggling with is falling in love again. It's not that I don't want to, for some reason I keep thinking that it is an active decision. But is it? Or do people just "fall in love?" I can't say I "chose" to fall in love with my ex-wife, but then again, aren't we the masters of our domain?


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