# Abandoned Out of State



## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

I'm new here so just wanted to share a small part of my story.

My husband and I separated last summer, although had been in separate bedrooms since February after he raged, threw me out and said he wanted a divorce. He has become more and more emotionally abusive over our nine year relationship. The first two years we lived together and bought a house, but once we married he seemed to change.

My husband wanted to spend Thanksgiving with me and my son in another state and visit my sister. I agreed, although with some apprehension. We (me, my son and him) drove in his car and I could tell on the drive over he was spinning toward one of his "moods." 

Thanksgiving night we all went to a restaurant, including my sister, however, the food didn't look too good so my sister and I decided to go to another place. My husband flipped out and started yelling, then got in his car and sped away. He then sent a text saying he was driving home (nearly 500 miles) without me and my son and filing for divorce the following Monday. I had to rent a car to get home.

So, it's been over a week and I am just grief stricken and depressed. The divorce is now inevitable. I can never reconcile and let him think abandoning me out of state is okay; it is not. But, I am shocked and dismayed that I am in such a deep grief and depression over the loss of my marriage. And, I can't help but feel like I should've tried to do something to prevent this. What, I don't know. But I feel some sort of responsibility for his irrational behavior. 

Just feeling lost and alone. If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

It's okay to feel grief and depression. You are grieving the marriage. But, you will get through it. When he left, he left with his problems. He took those problems away from you. You will soon feel some relief as his anger is leaves your life. Of course you will miss the good times that did exist. And you can grieve those, or be thankful that there were some good days. An end eventually becomes a beginning. 

Make a plan to take advantage of the void that his anger has left behind, and fill it with happiness one step at a time.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

You are normal in how you feel. But also be happy that this person is getting out of your life. Wow. He sounds like a psycho.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband has an anger issue as well. We have been married for 8 years and together 11 years. He has a hard time with communication and gets frustrated easily whcih will lead to anger. With me I started with drawing from him after I had tried so hard. He was in counseling to better himself nad was alos on medication to stabilize his mood. He felt like I felt he was not changing fast enough for me. He was still cussing, yellling and throwing things. I was afraid of him. I started staying up really late at night and he noticed after a couple weeks. I had a short EA over FB, but really thought of him the whole time. Well I guess my H found out about it, but never told me until we were seperated. 

So the seperation happened because he pryed me on why I was staying up so late. he got really really angry. said things, threw things for about 4hrs. Until he finally went to bed. The ordeal was so bad that I was convinced I needed a restraining order. So I went and got the paperwork the next day. We didn't speak or communicate much for the next 6weeks.

We are now in the process of reconisiling. He has learned that anger only leads him to jail or getting kicked out of the house. He says he does not get mad anymore. 

My point is your husband has to change himself and he has to choose to change


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## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. Weekends are especially tough as we'd always spend them together, even after separating. I know I need to find other friends, rekindle old activities that have been on hold, and start new ones. But, I needed this past weekend to hang out in bed and be sad. Hopefully next weekend will be better.

I like your idea, HerToo, of making a plan to fill the void. I will.

Darkhorse: He does sound psycho. He has a very public job, however, and puts quite a show on to the world. But his head must be pounding with craziness, although it's no longer my concern.

blueskies30: I have no hope that he will change. And honestly, I could never, ever trust him after leaving me and my son to find our own way home to another state. While he knows he's an A**H***, he's not willing explore why. He bounces any request to look at his behavior back on the requester, not unlike a young child. He's a two-year-old in a man's body.

I've been reading a great book on abusive men and the premise is that abusers don't have anger issues, rather they use their anger to abuse. I think my STBEH was in full control and knew exactly what he was doing when he sped off in his car and drove 500 miles home without me and my son.


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