# A quick question for my TAM friends...



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

My daughter has an upcoming fundraiser at her school where she will be performing. I have always offered to pay for cost of the tickets (which is 60 bucks and includes dinner/drinks) for the grandparents. My wife thinks that because her dad is willing to pay and the fact that my folks live well (expensive, cars, trips etc.) that they should be willing to pay. We have incurred some big expenses lately and she doesn’t feel we should pay. Her take is “if they can’t drop 120 bucks for their granddaughter’s fundraiser then perhaps that it is not that important to them.” My dad will not hesitate to drop big bucks on a bottle of wine, dinner with his friends, theatre tickets…so in fairness I see my wife’s point but,still not sure what the right thing is to do. If i don't offer to pay my dad will give me a non-verbal infliction of guilt. I offer/pay my wife will give me crap. 

Any thoughts?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Personally, I would try and have a chat with dad and explain that your family has incurred some large expenses lately and it's a bit tight right now. I can definitely see your wife's side to this disagreement and I would feel much the same way... Of course, I just filed for BR, so this would be an easy convo if I had to have it with my dad


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I would think that your dad has been proud to see you in a position financially where you could afford to be generous, but unless he grew up very privileged I think he would also understand that sometimes things can get tight financially. 

I would be frank with him and say you are sorry and as much as you would love to treat them to the tickets this year you just can't afford to do it. If he lays any guilt on you I say shame on him, shame on him for measuring his sons worth with dollar signs.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with the others. Unfortunately life is about priorities--and budgets. If you can't afford the extra tickets, your dad should understand. Money shouldn't be an issue with your dad. If seeing his grand-daughter perform is a priority, he shouldn't mind paying for the tickets.

Don't go against your wife on this one....if your finances are a legitimate issue.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I would be looking at the bigger picture wondering why my child goes to a school where we have to worry about who is going to pay for regularly scheduled events. When my son was on scholarship/aid at a country day school, I always volunteered for events, put a lot of work into it, and then would politely ask if I could bring a guest along for the show. Then I didn't have to worry about money. Because, money was a worry. One year a trustee gave me her tickets to the big annual dinner auction (black tie event) because she was out of town, and then I also got some event coupons/tickets that were supposed to be raffled off, and some of the organizers bid on them so they would bring in $, but didn't really want to go. Ski tickets, kids' play at a nice theater... I brought a woman friend of mine to that event, it was a nice evening out for us.

As for the event, well, I think if you invited already and they accepted already and the precedent has been set in the past that you always picked up the cost of the tickets...it would be rude to ask them to pay now. The time to make that suggestion was when you extended the invitation, not after they've accepted. Because now they can't politely decline if they can't afford it themselves or it wouldn't be their priority...they could have had the option of declining politely, now you're basically putting them in the positon of close to 'highway robbery'. (This is like if there is one highway and suddenly a municipality puts up a toll where there never was one before, after travelers have committed...or taking a cruise group out on a boat and then charging $5 a bottle for water...) It's just not 'nice'. 

When I invite people to events or to meals, I always have the expectation that I will be the one paying.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

tjohnson said:


> Her take is “if they can’t drop 120 bucks for their granddaughter’s fundraiser then perhaps that it is not that important to them.”


This disrespectful attitude from your wife may be what is bothering you. However, if you cannot afford to spring for the tickets this year, let your father know the situation. It is all in how you phrase the statement to your father. 

Explain what expenses you have had, and say that you wish you could buy the tickets, but it is not possible this year. Be sure to mention how much you appreciate them coming to this family event. Do not mention that the other set of grandparents is paying their way. Be respectful, and emphasize that you are happy that they can come.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I would be looking at the bigger picture wondering why my child goes to a school where we have to worry about who is going to pay for regularly scheduled events.


It's a fundraiser, the money is the Point of the event.

The past 5 years or so states have been trying to balance the budgets they ****ed up on th backs of our children's schools.

I work a couple of them for my daughters school every year
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah if its a fundraiser it is unreasonable to expect the parents of the students to buy the tickets for all in attendance - the point of "fundraising" is to get outside money, not simply have the rich parents pay for whatever academic things these funds are needed for. If people aren't willing to pay for their own ticket at a fundraising event they shouldn't even be welcome, leave the seats open for someone that is willing to pay.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Its not really a slap in the face to say "Tickets are $60 if you want to join us.. you are of course totally welcome to join us".

Otherwise.. just get tix for yourselves and the 2 of you go.

Shouldnt really be a point of conflict if you just invite them to participate without paying their way.


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