# problems, baby, thenthe new guy



## Sydni (May 1, 2010)

I'll keep this as short as possible. My marriage has had issues since it started. I just didn't know it for a long time. My husband has always put wants ahead of my dreams. I guess it's been a long ride of emotional neglect...losing myself along the way. Right after I got married I swapped jobs.my boss has always been there for me..professionally and emotionally when I need it. Eventually he moved up inthe company and he gave me his job.I paid all the bills while my husband blew his money. Didn't listen to what I felt was wrong in our marriage, and ultimately made feel hopeless. After 4 years we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.his lack of responsibility and respect for how much I work took over and made me even more resentful after the baby.I brought my issues up to him again...No interest in a fix.I confided in my old boss about how I felt, only to find out the thingwas going on with his marriage.we wound up bonding and talking way more than used to.over a period of a week we realized that we have had feelings for each other for some time.He asked his wife for a divorce because he's not a cheater and he knew he couldn't be with her knowing he had fallen in love with me. I was soon to follow, asking my husband for a divorce.he's not a bad person.now he is trying so hard to win me back and I feel like he is finally capable of change but my hearts not in it anymore.an ia completely terrible person for wanting to leave him? My daughter is 6 months old and the other guy wants to help me take care of her and give me everything my husband never did...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sydni said:


> I'll keep this as short as possible. My marriage has had issues since it started. I just didn't know it for a long time. My husband has always put wants ahead of my dreams. I guess it's been a long ride of emotional neglect...losing myself along the way. Right after I got married I swapped jobs.my boss has always been there for me..professionally and emotionally when I need it. Eventually he moved up inthe company and he gave me his job.I paid all the bills while my husband blew his money. Didn't listen to what I felt was wrong in our marriage, and ultimately made feel hopeless. After 4 years we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.his lack of responsibility and respect for how much I work took over and made me even more resentful after the baby.I brought my issues up to him again...No interest in a fix.I confided in my old boss about how I felt, only to find out the thingwas going on with his marriage.we wound up bonding and talking way more than used to.over a period of a week we realized that we have had feelings for each other for some time.He asked his wife for a divorce because he's not a cheater and he knew he couldn't be with her knowing he had fallen in love with me. I was soon to follow, asking my husband for a divorce.he's not a bad person.now he is trying so hard to win me back and I feel like he is finally capable of change but my hearts not in it anymore.an ia completely terrible person for wanting to leave him? My daughter is 6 months old and the other guy wants to help me take care of her and give me everything my husband never did...


Are you still living with your husband and seeing the OM/boss?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You and the boss should both get divorces, then move on.

You are already embroiled in an EA. Don't let it devolve into a PA.

Be a straight-shooter. Get divorced first. Then sort out the relationship with the boss.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sydni said:


> I'll keep this as short as possible. My marriage has had issues since it started. I just didn't know it for a long time. My husband has always put wants ahead of my dreams. I guess it's been a long ride of emotional neglect...losing myself along the way. Right after I got married I swapped jobs.my boss has always been there for me..professionally and emotionally when I need it. Eventually he moved up inthe company and he gave me his job.I paid all the bills while my husband blew his money. Didn't listen to what I felt was wrong in our marriage, and ultimately made feel hopeless. After 4 years we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.his lack of responsibility and respect for how much I work took over and made me even more resentful after the baby.I brought my issues up to him again...No interest in a fix.I confided in my old boss about how I felt, only to find out the thingwas going on with his marriage.we wound up bonding and talking way more than used to.over a period of a week we realized that we have had feelings for each other for some time.He asked his wife for a divorce because he's not a cheater and he knew he couldn't be with her knowing he had fallen in love with me. I was soon to follow, asking my husband for a divorce.he's not a bad person.now he is trying so hard to win me back and I feel like he is finally capable of change but my hearts not in it anymore.an ia completely terrible person for wanting to leave him?


You are married to a boy, not a man. From my experience, I would not give him another change. You say that you have talked to him about this for years and he ignored you. You have given him many chances. 

Now what you need to do about the OM/Boss? Going from your marriage right into another relationship will most likely not work. Fewer than 3% of affairs last more than 2 years. So don’t leave your husband for another man. If you leave your husband, leave him because he does not behave like a husband.


Sydni said:


> My daughter is 6 months old and the other guy wants to help me take care of her and give me everything my husband never did...


Does the OMboss have children?

Your child already has a father. The OMboss is not going to replace your child’s father unless her father decides on his own to not take part in her life. But he will be paying child support, so he pretty much will be in her life and yours.

Before you married your husband, what did he promise you? You have no guarantee that the OMboss will take care of you and give you anything. If you divorce your husband, you need to be ready to support yourself and your daughter all on your own.


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