# which of these options is a better wife?



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Hi,

I am a 31 year old average-looking male and would like to marry this year. I currently have several options for marriage:

1. Marry someone her in USA. The person is gonna be my age or even older and perhaps not so attractive -- as competition over females in states is crazy-- she is well past her prime. I have a PhD and she may have some undergrad degree from some unknown university or college. She has high expectations, is familiar with western life, and has chosen me based on interest. 

2. Marry someone backhome in Asia and bring her over here in states. There are two types:

a. Someone <7 years younger than myself with good education, e.g. someone with a master's/PhD degree. Interms of looks, she looks like just OK (not so hot--- past her prime). She may possibly get a job and earn income too. We will have some interests in common since she has a master's degree from a good university. She is my type. 

b. Someone >7 years younger than myself with no education. She is young & hot, ready for pleasure! She has just finished her highschool and appears obedient too (at least in back home). There is not 
much common between us in terms of interests since there is about 13 years of age difference. She can do house work for me. It's not clear if she can get a job, so I have to support her. She depends on me financially. 

Now the question is: I have never been in a marriage; which option is best for me for this purpose? which way would you go?


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Wow, here's an idea. How about you fall in Love with a woman you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. I know it may sound crazy but just an idea......


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Yeah...I'd say fall in love and marry that woman.

Social status does nothing for you except screw your life up in the end when one of you decides you really don't know why you married in the first place!


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

well ... the one that you get naturally is not generally as good as the one that you can get forcefully! 

For instance, how can a girl half your age fall in love with you? But once taken, you fall in love with her. And it's good for her too (for whatever reason she marries you), though she may not genuinely love you --- which who cares, as long as you love her )


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

eli1 said:


> well ... the one that you get naturally is not generally as good as the one that you can get forcefully!
> 
> For instance, how can a girl half your age fall in love with you? But once taken, you fall in love with her. And it's good for her too (for whatever reason she marries you), though she may not genuinely love you --- which who cares, as long as you love her )


Most people do want to be married to someone who genuinely loves them.

I say date the person you like the most. The one that you get along with the best. Don't marry. See what happens. Eventually you will find someone who you love and who loves you back. This will be the best partner.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

eli1 said:


> *well ... the one that you get naturally is not generally as good as the one that you can get forcefully!
> *
> For instance, how can a girl half your age fall in love with you? *But once taken*, you fall in love with her. And it's good for her too (for whatever reason she marries you), though she may not genuinely love you --- which who cares, as long as you love her )


_Forcefully???_ :scratchhead:

How's that work?

_Once taken???_ :scratchhead:

Is this like Snow White or one of those fairy tale things where ya lock her up in a minaret like Belle and hope she sees past the "Beast"?


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Most people do want to be married to someone who genuinely loves them.
> 
> I say date the person you like the most. The one that you get along with the best. Don't marry. See what happens. Eventually you will find someone who you love and who loves you back. This will be the best partner.


So you are saying the average gal who likes you, or at least better appreciates you, is better than the hotter chick who does not like you and is there for a bussiness?!


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

You're supposed to have a PhD? And you can't figure this out?


----------



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

I take it the whole fairy tale, falling head over heels in love scenario doesn't interest you?


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If you "forcefully" marry someone she will cheat on you or dump you as soon as she can. Why? Because she does not love you. Which is why people marry for love. Why do you want to marry? Aging out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If you want someone who is obidient and cleans get a maid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Point is, all marriage if for mutual benefit. So when you say someone loves you, or vice versa, what does it mean exactly? She loves you if she is sexually attracted to you or you are of interest in other terms (socially, financially, ...). You love her too similarly.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

eli1 said:


> So you are saying the average gal who likes you, or at least better appreciates you, is better than the hotter chick who does not like you and is there for a bussiness?!


If you are going to pay someone to have sex with you, then yes, purchase the best you can afford. But don't marry her.

If you are looking to marry, look for someone you can fall in love with. You should respect each other. You should have things in common (life goals, children, morals, etc.).


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Ano said:


> I take it the whole fairy tale, falling head over heels in love scenario doesn't interest you?


As a scientist, I do not understand what love is, beyond an introduction to sexual intimacy. That's what it is really, if you ponder long enough.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

eli1 said:


> Point is, all marriage if for mutual benefit. So when you say someone loves you, or vice versa, what does it mean exactly? She loves you if she is sexually attracted to you or you are of interest in other terms (socially, financially, ...). You love her too similarly.


You seriously have no idea what love is? At 31 years old with a PhD...you don't understand it?

Example: I love my dog. My dog is the best. She will lay at my feet and ask only for me to pet her. She protects our house because, as a German Shepherd, that's like her drive. I feed her and take her to the vet and make sure she is taken care of.

I love my wife. My wife is the best. She has a job and I have a job and we have mutual respect for how hard the other works to keep things together. I love her smile and her hair. I love her little snort when she laughs at something on TV. She loves that I walk barefoot in the snow to get the mail. She loves that I barely grow facial hair and that my teeth are perfectly straight and white. When we make love it is sometimes more powerful than a quasar.

There is a difference when speaking about love. Surely, your PhD work required you to learn a little bit about sociology.


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

eli1 said:


> Point is, all marriage if for mutual benefit. So when you say someone loves you, or vice versa, what does it mean exactly? She loves you if she is sexually attracted to you or you are of interest in other terms (socially, financially, ...). You love her too similarly.


Dude: Are you for real??? You want to know what it means to have someone love you or vice versa. Boy, you are socially challenged. Its true what the stigma is about people who are book smart, absolutely no common sense. 

I think you may have a difficult time finding someone to marry you. And if you do god help her.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> If you are going to pay someone to have sex with you, then yes, purchase the best you can afford. But don't marry her.
> 
> If you are looking to marry, look for someone you can fall in love with. You should respect each other. You should have things in common (life goals, children, morals, etc.).


Marriage is licensed prostitution in many ways. So let's get it done properly.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

eli1 said:


> As a scientist, I do not understand what love is, beyond an introduction to sexual intimacy. That's what it is really, if you ponder long enough.


That is a ridiculous statement. My wife is a bio/chemist specializing in DNA forensics and is a teacher.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

eli1 said:


> Marriage is licensed prostitution in many ways. So let's get it done properly.


My guess is that prostitution is much cheaper. You get variety and the chances of being rejected are almost 0.

Get married for sex and in a couple of years you will be having no sex and your wife will be having all she wants with someone else.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

eli1 said:


> As a scientist, I do not understand what love is, beyond an introduction to sexual intimacy. That's what it is really, if you ponder long enough.


You are right, you don't understand love if you think it centers around sexual intimacy. 
Based on what you've written, get a housekeeper and find sexual intimacy through women who charge you for the privilege.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

You must come from a culture of arranged marriages. There is no point in asking people who value love and compatibility in marriage what to do when you view marriage as a business transaction.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> You seriously have no idea what love is? At 31 years old with a PhD...you don't understand it?
> 
> Example: I love my dog. My dog is the best. She will lay at my feet and ask only for me to pet her. She protects our house because, as a German Shepherd, that's like her drive. I feed her and take her to the vet and make sure she is taken care of.
> 
> ...


Biologically, you can probably fall in love with most females. They all have similar charachteristics. There is nothing specific in your wife/dog; in fact, I bet you would love many of them more than your present wife. Of course some of them are not your type and you want to avoid, but a given male can easily fall in love with any given female of his type.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

eli1 said:


> Biologically, you can probably fall in love with most females. They all have similar charachteristics. There is nothing specific in your wife/dog; in fact, I bet you would love many of them more than your present wife. Of course some of them are not your type and you want to avoid, but a given male can easily fall in love with any given female of her type.


I think you are correct. You can fall in love with most anyone. 

Staying in love and living together as husband and wife for many years takes more than that.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Maneo said:


> You are right, you don't understand love if you think it centers around sexual intimacy.
> Based on what you've written, get a housekeeper and find sexual intimacy through women who charge you for the privilege.


OK, my friend; look around and see how people choose their partners. Is not it mostly based on looks? If you agree it's based on looks, I got a point.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Have you ever dated or had a long term relationship?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

eli1 said:


> OK, my friend; look around and see how people choose their partners. Is not it mostly based on looks? If you agree it's based on looks, I got a point.


Why do you want to get married?
AND
Why are you itching to tie-the-knot this year, specifically?

I agree with another poster, your culture may view marriage completely different than we do in the west. 

I also think you are a completely geek, and I honestly don't say that to be offensive, just that you must have spent your entire life with your head in text-books (which is likely what you value more) to never have witnessed a loving and romantic relationship.

If you bring a woman from overseas to the western world, I believe that she will eventually want a romantic relationship, and you do not currently have the stones to provide that.

You may be 31 years old, but you're socially inept....this is not good for marriage.

You should put yourself out there...date for a while, have a social life, grow through human interactions. You will be much happier in the long run.


----------



## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

LoriC said:


> Wow, here's an idea. How about you fall in Love with a woman you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. I know it may sound crazy but just an idea......


Different cultures view marriage differently.

We're so focused on romantic love in America, that we forget in other parts of the world things like arranged marriages are still common.

The OP is obviously from a culture that has different views about marriage.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Have you ever dated or had a long term relationship?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. I have had a few girlfriends, each relationship lasting a year or two. I realized that they are so superficial and their intention is deeply sexual (they are just attracted to your looks). I successfully generalized this to all females. I then checked the hypothesis and it's true for any case that I reviewed and can recall.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I would suggest you stick with someone from your culture and that agrees with your opinions. In my culture someone that compares marriage to prostitution will get get a slap on the face by any female that he makes this comment to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Blue Firefly said:


> Different cultures view marriage differently.
> 
> We're so focused on romantic love in America, that we forget in other parts of the world things like arranged marriages are still common.
> 
> The OP is obviously from a culture that has different views about marriage.


I am from a different cultural, but have no cultural bias, I am just arguing logically.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

eli1 said:


> I am from a different cultural, but have no cultural bias, I am just arguing logically.


LOL...love and logic don't mix.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Is that you Sheldon?


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

eli1 said:


> well ... the one that you get naturally is not generally as good as the one that you can get forcefully!
> 
> For instance, how can a girl half your age fall in love with you? But once taken, you fall in love with her. And it's good for her too (for whatever reason she marries you), though she may not genuinely love you --- which who cares, as long as you love her )


Com on, you're pulling my leg right?


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

tulsy said:


> Why do you want to get married?
> AND
> Why are you itching to tie-the-knot this year, specifically?
> 
> ...


Good questions. I just graduated, and once I start working all my daytime 9am-9pm, with 1 week vacation a year, I wont have many opportunities to meet girls. So I want to get it done soon. 

Why do I want to marry? To reproduce, to share my success & failures, make someone else happy, ... There is not an ultimate meaningful thing in this life to pursue, so one ought to live it for someone else.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Is that you Sheldon?


you got it ))))))


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

eli1 said:


> I am from a different cultural, but have no cultural bias, I am just arguing logically.



Marriage and logic are incompatible.

Does not compute.

Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL.
HAL: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: [feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
Dave Bowman: Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock.
HAL: Without your space helmet, Dave? You're going to find that rather difficult.
Dave Bowman: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the doors!
HAL: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Stonewall said:


> Com on, you're pulling my leg right?


No, I am serious. It's an optimization problem; why should I settle for less!


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

eli1 said:


> No, I am serious. It's an optimization problem; why should I settle for less!


Some people are just not marriage material. You are one of them. Do not get married for the sake of getting married. Someone will get hurt. Funny thing is, it may just be you!


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

So pick the first submissive, fertile woman who will have you.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

eli1 said:


> No, I am serious. It's an optimization problem; why should I settle for less!


If it is an optimization problem then figure it out with that degree.

a = love
b = relationship
c= happiness
d = sexual fun
e = commitment

Where b+c (e)=a there is no way that d=a ever and it seems that you are looking for d in some part of the equation without b, c, or even e. Oh, you can have b+c=d but that can go only so far.

Again, optimally d=a does not exist, so I'd suggest another model to look at.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

lovesherman said:


> So pick the first submissive, fertile woman who will have you.


oh, not the first, the best you can get. 

BTW, would not you take a hot girl, half your age, fertile, submissive to any of your desires, potentially doing the housework as well? come on, do not be a liar !


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

eli1 said:


> oh, not the first, the best you can get.
> 
> BTW, would not you take a hot girl, half your age, fertile, submissive to any of your desires, potentially doing the housework as well? come on, do not be a liar !


Yeah, and we women all want rich handsome men who adore us.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> If it is an optimization problem then figure it out with that degree.
> 
> a = love
> b = relationship
> ...


I generally agree with your statements. So I am trying to figure out the best combination I can have.

You also need to make the equation "relativistic", in which your happiness, fun etc can be different from hers. You can be happy while she is not and vice versa.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

lovesherman said:


> Yeah, and we women all want rich handsome men who adore us.


The principal motive of female behavior in relationships is handsomeness. And if it's so worthless, why should I go for other qualities when all she wants from me is my cuteness?


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

"hot girl, half your age, fertile, submissive to any of your desires, potentially doing the housework as well?"

Checking out on this one, good luck finding that person! You better find the fountain of youth as well so she can stay like you wish forever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

eli1 said:


> The principal motive of female behavior in relationships is handsomeness. And if it's so worthless, why should I go for other qualities when all she wants from me is my cuteness?


I'm willing to bet that all she will want from you is your wallet.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Okay, so we'll call it c1 (you) c2 (her) d1 (you) d2 (her) and so on. Understand though that a & e are shared so cannot be relativistic as you say.

Can b/e+(c1-c2)+d1=a? Well, that's your equation to solve, however c is fluid so how does that fit in? Also if d1 in the end is all you're concerned about then it simply isn't part of the equation.

My laptop is seriously lacking in correct mathmatical symbols. My apologies.

Or...here's another way. Stop thinking about it. Let love happen when it does. You might as well try forcing +/- together. You can want to all you want, but it'll never happen.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

This thread has nothing to do with cultural differences or logic versus love. It has to do with the OP having fun with all responding with tongue firmly in cheek. If you think this is real, then I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

Maneo said:


> This thread has nothing to do with cultural differences or logic versus love. It has to do with the OP having fun with all responding with tongue firmly in cheek. If you think this is real, then I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.


It's real and I am serious. Do not have time for bull****. I thought it's a good idea to ask in a forum. So I just found here and asked my question.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If you will be working 12 hours a day, dont bother getting a wife.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

eli1 said:


> It's real and I am serious. Do not have time for bull****. I thought it's a good idea to ask in a forum. So I just found here and asked my question.


I think the best answer, for you personally, if you really, really, really want to get married.

Marry the first one that agrees to marry you.


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> If you will be working 12 hours a day, dont bother getting a wife.


Good point. I do indeed work long hours. Why not getting a wife?!


----------



## eli1 (Apr 22, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> I think the best answer, for you personally, if you really, really, really want to get married.
> 
> Marry the first one that agrees to marry you.


I have the options that I mentioned in my first post. I am not that bad marriage-wise. Just trying to get the right (best) person. 

I am also open and say things that most of you implicitly consider as well, but may never say them. Just because I discuss these realities does not mean that I am socially inept and not marriage type. 

You too all get the best woman that you can get.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

mablenc said:


> If you want someone who is obidient and cleans get a maid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get a maid and a dog.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

If you bring another woman over from the old country what are the chances she is going to use you as a stepping stone to citizenship? You sponsor her so she can come here. Married to you for a few years, then brings over her boyfriend, leaves you and runs off with him and half your money. I don't know what country you come from so you'll have to determine how likely a scenario that is.

My wife is Asian but I met her here. In church. And I fell in love with her first. I didn't view her as a great "buy."


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

There is no argument here.

Hell, there isn't even a real question.

Thread closed.

Please review the forum guidelines regarding reopening closed threads before you choose to ask again.


----------

