# menopausal anger



## Magnus Skills Set (Apr 14, 2016)

Anyone else dealing with this? The perimenopause anger stuff?

I'm educated on the matter. I get it. Not her fault. Biology. I can hang in there. Won't bail. Won't cheat. Won't (overly) yell back. Will keep up on all my end of things. But damn, marriage with kids means that your wife is woven into your day more than all other people put together. If she's frequently miserable, then I am too. It floods into your own moods. The house gets angry then silent and really boring when 'the problem' flares up. With the daily grind and responsibilities, it's hard to set up fun, life-affirming things to do with other people. What, a few outings with friends a week, tops? Not enough, never mind the fact those aren't quality moments with a woman. Besides, my wife would feel left out. And of course get mad about it. But she wrecks all good days we have together with a blow-up at some point or another. I can't be a happy, smiling idiot through it all when she utterly loses it, which is usually daily. From where would come any real joy on my part? Manufactured out of thin air? She's surly upstairs at the moment, lost it with the kids like a lunatic earlier and lost it on me when I told her the punishment was worse than the crime. Kids in bed asleep now. So I do what with my life exactly right now at this moment now that the only person I'm allowed to be close with has checked out in anger again?

As I say, I'm standing by her, but quality of life is wayyyy down. And everywhere on TV and in movies you see men mocked for mid-life crises or leaving their wives for younger women. Name me one TV show or movie that honestly deals with a family coping with a mother/wife who's yelling at everyone every bloody day, and where menopause actually gets mentioned. The condition itself does, lots of sympathy for women episodes, but not usually what it does to husbands. Google "women and anger" and what you mostly get is stuff about how it's all men's fault somehow.

Thoughts? :|


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Magnus Skills Set said:


> Anyone else dealing with this? The perimenopause anger stuff?
> 
> I'm educated on the matter. I get it. Not her fault. Biology. I can hang in there. Won't bail. Won't cheat. Won't (overly) yell back. Will keep up on all my end of things. But damn, marriage with kids means that your wife is woven into your day more than all other people put together. If she's frequently miserable, then I am too. It floods into your own moods. The house gets angry then silent and really boring when 'the problem' flares up. With the daily grind and responsibilities, it's hard to set up fun, life-affirming things to do with other people. What, a few outings with friends a week, tops? Not enough, never mind the fact those aren't quality moments with a woman. Besides, my wife would feel left out. And of course get mad about it. But she wrecks all good days we have together with a blow-up at some point or another. I can't be a happy, smiling idiot through it all when she utterly loses it, which is usually daily. From where would come any real joy on my part? Manufactured out of thin air? She's surly upstairs at the moment, lost it with the kids like a lunatic earlier and lost it on me when I told her the punishment was worse than the crime. Kids in bed asleep now. So I do what with my life exactly right now at this moment now that the only person I'm allowed to be close with has checked out in anger again?
> 
> ...


My wife had a large series of medical problems...one of which led to her having all the lady bits removed when she was 30. It was pretty crazy...You're doing good....You love her and plan to stick by her...that is awesome. a few of things i learned during the dark period. 

1. No matter how crazy moody/mad/screechy/etc...don't engage her. She isn't mad at you -it's rare that there is any problem she wants you to solve -however -if there is something to be done...Do it. My wife would go full drill sergeant than call or come to me and cry a few hours later.

2. DO NOT tell her to calm down. Your life may actually depend on this. 

3. Be the rock while she is the tsunami. Your wife is in there...just being held hostage by a crazy woman...that sweats in a 50 deg room...and finds fault EVERYWHERE. Your wife will be back....when she does -she will remember that you were strong when she needed you (at least mine did).

Oh yeah....I'm 14 years in since then. Life is awesome. Take heart -it ends


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Magnus Skills Set said:


> Anyone else dealing with this? The perimenopause anger stuff?
> 
> I'm educated on the matter. I get it. Not her fault. Biology. I can hang in there. Won't bail. Won't cheat. Won't (overly) yell back. Will keep up on all my end of things. But damn, marriage with kids means that your wife is woven into your day more than all other people put together. If she's frequently miserable, then I am too. It floods into your own moods. The house gets angry then silent and really boring when 'the problem' flares up. With the daily grind and responsibilities, it's hard to set up fun, life-affirming things to do with other people. What, a few outings with friends a week, tops? Not enough, never mind the fact those aren't quality moments with a woman. Besides, my wife would feel left out. And of course get mad about it. But she wrecks all good days we have together with a blow-up at some point or another. I can't be a happy, smiling idiot through it all when she utterly loses it, which is usually daily. From where would come any real joy on my part? Manufactured out of thin air? She's surly upstairs at the moment, lost it with the kids like a lunatic earlier and lost it on me when I told her the punishment was worse than the crime. Kids in bed asleep now. So I do what with my life exactly right now at this moment now that the only person I'm allowed to be close with has checked out in anger again?
> 
> ...


Have her get to a hormone specialist STAT. Even if you have to pay out of pocket. An OBGYN type who who specializes in women and menopause.

I was going through this though more sadness than anger. I would just sit and cry and I wish I'd never married my husband and my clients stressed me out and irritated me by existing, etc. I was worried and resentful 24/7...

Then a female client my age told me how she was going through perimenopause and she told her Dr. she was angry all the time, so angry. And her Dr. just said "that's normal" and handed her pamphlets on menopause and she'd leave in tears...

Then she ran into a friend who mentioned this nurse practitioner who specialized in women/hormones/menopause and she went and saw her. She took her seriously and put her on hormone replacement therapy and she feels happy and 10 years younger.

I had that in the back of my mind but being self employed I never feel I have time/money for a Dr. and while I knew I was in perimenopause, I didn't feel my emotions were from that and things like hot flashes were mild for me compared to what other women described, so, unfortunately, I suffered a couple years but then one day I finally made an appointment.

OH. MY. GOD. I did not even realize how miserable I was before I got on hormone replacement. This one hormone - progesterone ("The feel good hormone") THAT ALONE - I started with that pill and that very day I FELT IT. This cool, calm, peace just spreading through my veins. It was like half a bottle of wine without the confusion, drowsiness, lack of coordination, regrettable behavior or hangover!

She also put me on prozac (I had no idea seratonin is also a hormone.) and estrogen. I realized I'd actually been extremely anxious and stressed out for years and didn't realize it. Life is so much better now.

If your wife's doctor won't take her and menopause seriously have her ask around and pay out of pocket to see someone who will. It will be worth every penny times 1,000.

And if you wife says she's fine, I'd put my foot down however you can and insist that she talk to a specialist if she wants to live with you. Trust me, she'll thank you later.

With that said -- I believe there usually are real issues at the heart of PMS/Menopausal anger, and men often ignore women's complaints until the woman can't take it anymore, but you can't address them when you're emotions are so whacked out of proportion.

Menopausal anger may not be the woman's fault - but it's 2016 - none of you, including your wife, should have to live with that!!!!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Magnus Skills Set said:


> Thoughts? :|


I want to add - some people are afraid of hormone replacement therapy or figure menopause is "natural" but after talking with this specialist and having her explain the real damage stress and insomnia do to your body - your heart, your brain, etc. I have no qualms at all with the HRT. Especially if I'm being monitored by a Dr.

And the proof is in the pudding - I feel SO GOOD - not just mentally by physically as well - compared to before.

Everything I'm on is natural and from plants (not horse urine or whatever they used to make it from that some women didn't want to take).

Menopause also makes your skin thin out and age faster and makes you put on weight - so if nothing else you may be able to appeal to her vanity. GOOD LUCK BUDDY!


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Magnus Skills Set said:


> Anyone else dealing with this? The perimenopause anger stuff?
> 
> I'm educated on the matter. I get it. Not her fault. Biology. I can hang in there. Won't bail. Won't cheat. Won't (overly) yell back. Will keep up on all my end of things. But damn, marriage with kids means that your wife is woven into your day more than all other people put together. If she's frequently miserable, then I am too. It floods into your own moods. The house gets angry then silent and really boring when 'the problem' flares up. With the daily grind and responsibilities, it's hard to set up fun, life-affirming things to do with other people. What, a few outings with friends a week, tops? Not enough, never mind the fact those aren't quality moments with a woman. Besides, my wife would feel left out. And of course get mad about it. But she wrecks all good days we have together with a blow-up at some point or another. I can't be a happy, smiling idiot through it all when she utterly loses it, which is usually daily. From where would come any real joy on my part? Manufactured out of thin air? She's surly upstairs at the moment, lost it with the kids like a lunatic earlier and lost it on me when I told her the punishment was worse than the crime. Kids in bed asleep now. So I do what with my life exactly right now at this moment now that the only person I'm allowed to be close with has checked out in anger again?
> 
> ...



Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy taken with sub-dermal pellets. The studies that showed a higher incidence of cancer used non-bio-identical and there is greater risk associated with starting hormone therapy years after menopause. Get her to see a specialist, study up on the facts/risks and make an independent decision. But the quality of life difference is huge. I have seen it first hand.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Thank God, my wife is finally finished with it. It took about 7 years.

Mood Swings Check

Weight Gain Check

Hot Flashes Check

Lost Libido Check

Low Energy Level Check

Oh yeah, had a three year emotional affair. Check!

A total joy from start to finish!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Wow. I have so much sympathy for all of you.

I have noticed my usually VERY long fuse is a little shorter. And I cry a little more - though usually it's when I think of my Dad. My hormones might have exacerbated that - it's a little hard to tell since it's only been 9 months since he died. But I stood in Lowe's in tears looking at the orchids because he grew them. And normally the kids (daughter and friends) leaving a bit of a mess is no big deal - I mean it takes 5 minutes for me to pick up the trash and dishes, but I have GONE OFF on them twice now - with the pleasant side benefit of everyone picking up after themselves now!  So I have gone a bit drill sergeant on them but they needed it.

I've never been high energy but I think I started my working out and running just before it hit so maybe I countered some of the side effects ahead of time. Besides, no one else is going to lay pavers, plant shrubs or spread mulch for me. I make kiddo mow now. But it's not lack of energy, it's that by golly she should.

As to the other stuff - I don't know. Only a couple hot flashes in the past couple years. My OSF who has expressed he wants more - it's a bad time for a relationship so sex can't tell. 

But I hardly ever had mood swings or cramps or any issues before perimenopause so maybe menopause will be easy, too.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

I haven't experienced any menopausal anger. Emotionally, I feel really great. I checked with my husband and he agrees - not moody or exhibiting any negative emotions. If I was, I'd get myself to the doctor and look into bioidentical hormone replacement therapy right quick! (BHRT). You won't get this from your GP usually - must look for someone who specializes in it. BEWARE OF MAINSTREAM HRT. I'd try to avoid that, if I were you. I have recently decided to do BHRT for other reasons.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> ............................
> 
> As to the other stuff - I don't know. Only a couple hot flashes in the past couple years. My OSF who has expressed he wants more - it's a bad time for a relationship so sex can't tell.
> 
> But I hardly ever had mood swings or cramps or any issues before perimenopause so maybe menopause will be easy, too.


Don't buy into the hype that it has to be hard EJ. Was not that bad for me but I was in a very happy place so maybe that helped. I do wonder if some women get the emotional part to a worse degree because life in general for them is not happy or unsatisfying.
I have about 3 small hot flushes, a bit of sadness, some itchy skin, no mood swings, no loss of libido. Started peri at about 46 and now at 49 post menopause.


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

My wife refuses HRT so life is grand. I get to see live versions of The Exorcist every other day and her vagina has atrophied to the point of making intercourse impossible.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I am perimenopausal, age 53 and just hoping every month will be the last. I started having mild hot flashes mid way thru year 50. I had been on the pill which helps with many symptoms but after 50 there is a higher risk of blood clots in the legs so it was suggested I go off. Yikes, not good! Anger, hurt, tears, I could snap, I was very angry that men did not have to go thru the same, my monthlies were serious out of control and I was dealing with a certain amount of depression. I felt I could not leave the house as nothing was predicable. I was having issues with yeast, bladder control. Docs did every test imaginable on me to see if there was anything else going on, nope, everything came back indicating I was in good health. Yeah for me but this was not good! There were days I just wanted to crawl in a hole and be left alone. My body was changing, I was gaining weight, had no energy, could not sleep and I was still trying to work and cope with life. I went back to docs at age 53 when I felt I could no longer deal with my symptoms and they put me back on the pill which ended up with phlebitis in the leg and more weight gain. I then tried an IUD which made me sick and more weight gain. Finally, fed up with medicine I went to a natural doc and I finally received relief. I am using herbs which has helped to monthlies a great deal. I use progesterone cream nightly for hot flashes and it also has helped my anxiety and my feelings to snap.


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

You're an angel well done.


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

Have her try some raw apple cider vinegar, should work wonders, google for more information.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Magnus Skills Set said:


> Anyone else dealing with this? The perimenopause anger stuff?
> 
> I'm educated on the matter. I get it. Not her fault. Biology. I can hang in there. Won't bail. Won't cheat. Won't (overly) yell back. Will keep up on all my end of things. But damn, marriage with kids means that your wife is woven into your day more than all other people put together. If she's frequently miserable, then I am too. It floods into your own moods. The house gets angry then silent and really boring when 'the problem' flares up. With the daily grind and responsibilities, it's hard to set up fun, life-affirming things to do with other people. What, a few outings with friends a week, tops? Not enough, never mind the fact those aren't quality moments with a woman. Besides, my wife would feel left out. And of course get mad about it. But she wrecks all good days we have together with a blow-up at some point or another. I can't be a happy, smiling idiot through it all when she utterly loses it, which is usually daily. From where would come any real joy on my part? Manufactured out of thin air? She's surly upstairs at the moment, lost it with the kids like a lunatic earlier and lost it on me when I told her the punishment was worse than the crime. Kids in bed asleep now. So I do what with my life exactly right now at this moment now that the only person I'm allowed to be close with has checked out in anger again?
> 
> ...


Dementia and menopause seem startlingly similar to me.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

My personal feeling is it is unacceptable to treat anybody poorly because your preimenapausal . my hormones made be act like an a$$hole is not an excuse .

With that said I completely understand if she acts unreasonable and has her meltdown. And later comes around and apologises . but some women act horid and then want the I'm going through menopause free pass.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> My personal feeling is it is unacceptable to treat anybody poorly because your preimenapausal . my hormones made be act like an a$$hole is not an excuse .
> 
> With that said I completely understand if she acts unreasonable and has her meltdown. And later comes around and apologises . but some women act horid and then want the I'm going through menopause free pass.


I have witnessed ladies who were heavy making excuses why they could not exercise and I have heard ladies complain about monthlies in a way that I never had to deal with them and to me it was an excuse but perhaps I was not experiencing what they were. To say that menopausal anger is an excuse to complain might be true in some cases but it sure is no free pass. Those of us who are actually trying hard to deal with our issues can tell you this is not a free pass. It is a very hard time in a woman's life. Trying top work with it to make things better is like a guessing game. Even docs cannot always help as the hormones they want to toss to you can make things worse so we follow doc's advise and things get even worse. After awhile you don't know where to turn to or what to try. I have never had female issues of any sort, none, been a very healthy person, thank goodness! When this hit me, and I have to say that some areas have been better for me than my friends, but I life took a spin....it felt like my body was literally falling apart.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

My wife finally had enough. She is already post menopause, and finally broke down and went to the doctor to discuss her options. Her OB/GYN wouldn't discuss it with her, probably because she didn't feel comfortable enough to demand attention to it. Her regular doctor put on her on a low-dose HRT, and she goes back for blood tests in another couple of weeks. I haven't really noticed a significant change yet after about two weeks, so there will likely be some dosage adjustments. She is still short-fused and moody. It's very hard, and very trying, to talk to her when she is so volatile and emotional. Little things can set her off at any time. A few years ago she was a lot more easy-going.

It's very tough on her, and very tough on me and the girls. We will get through this, and I will admit that I'm not the most patient person in the world, which exacerbates the situation. I've never been the kind to just walk away. I guess confrontation is inevitable from time to time in that sense. She will get better, and I definitely am working on me getting better at dealing with it.


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