# Christmas this year



## Shooboomafoo

This sucks.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I'm very sorry.. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

What is going on?


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## Almostrecovered

EleGirl said:


> What is going on?


His 1st Xmas since divorce
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Almostrecovered said:


> His 1st Xmas since divorce
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea that does suck.


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## Almostrecovered

lots of firsts to go thru again


xmas, former anniversary, bday, valentine's day, t-giving, etc any day that had significance between you and your ex


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

My first thoughts were of everyone here on “Life After Divorce” forum when this song came on the radio just two days ago; "Where Are You Christmas” by Faith Hill Where are you Christmas? Faith Hill - YouTube 

It sucks, I know. Still, I hope all of you have the best Christmas you are able to.


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## Shooboomafoo

Yeah, first Christmas since divorce.
Christmas Eve, is just me and a bottle of Seagrams. I plan on seeing santa one way or another.
EVen if its pink elephants instead of reindeer flying the sleigh.

Okay, well maybe I wont get THAT bad..
I DO get my daughter all day on Christmas Day, gonna make a traditional Christmas dinner, dont know what else we'll do.. 
The best part about it in the past was waking up early with the missus to put the gifts from "santa" under the tree, making coffee, spiking it with a bit of Kahlua or Irish Cream. Watchin the kiddo come down stairs in her footie-pajamas and tearing into the gifts. Oh how those were the days. That was the way even I in my childhood did things. Except there were four of us kids, and family was basically the "expected-constant variable" back then.. This is why the experience is difficult, because I came from a larger family that was consistent. I simply do not have a lot of experience at this like it is, yet.
I think that I will miss sharing that with someone for the time being. Perhaps I can find a new "tradition" to start. When you as a parent obtain joy, thru the eyes of your child and thru the joy your child experiences, anything that detracts from that or taints the experience, (such as people missing from the picture), carries with it not only the sadness you personally feel, but the sadness you see your child experience. 
Item number four on her christmas list was to have "mommy and daddy sitting around the fireplace unwrapping presents with me."

Its a bit more mushy than I am used to addressing, and this time, Daddy cant be Superman. 
I worry that sometimes she looks at me and just wonders why I dont run to fight for Mommy like in the movies. She doesnt understand how or why any of this happened, and will not until many years down the line. So you as a parent kind of absorb some of that blame for the situation in her eyes. Because explaining would make Mommy seem like a %[email protected]#$.
Part of the season's emptiness also surrounds how many people in the form of friends and family that will no longer be a part of my life. These people that have been close to "us" for so many years. The divorce divides that entire spectrum of people, and I guess many of them were closer friends of hers than they were to me, as none have called or made contact at all. Its like watching a busload of friends move away at the same time.

The answer to all this is just time. Time to form new relationships with new friends. Time to evolve with new Christmas traditions and to experience things as they are good or bad. Time to allow the recent past to become a distant past and let new things come into my life.


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## Lowlife

Last year was my first. Ex called me 3 times leaving crying messages about how she missed me. Then there were the text messages. I've never been much of a Christmas guy but it sucked for sure. (and no I never responded to her) 

This year has been a lot better. Actually found the "spirit" if you will. Hell, I'm listening to Christmas music! I'll be alone for the most part this weekend. Due to my daughter's work schedule we will get to be together tomorrow night only. My parents will be out of town so I'm left to fend for myself. It doesn't really bother me. I've got some plans to stay busy so it's all good. Sounds weird, but the alone time is getting easier to deal with. 

Hang in there.


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## Kauaiguy

1st xmas alone after some 33+ years, but even the last few X-mas wasn't all that great since basically it was just the wife and I, and we didn't do much.

So I guess I'll just treat it as another weekend and go from there.


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## TheMizz...erable

I'm in the same boat. Just not the same. Had no idea that our last Christmas was going to be our last Christmas together.


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## kenn

I'm there with you everyone. Separated last Oct 1 and moved out officially Nov 12th. Thanksgiving was totaly alone and Christmas diffently wont be the same. Miss all the whoop-La. Christmas use to be my favorite time of year. It was both our 2nd marriage, no kids between us. Had 3 boys from first marriage and will be with them for the first time in 11 years.. Our relationship is extremely stress and will be a little stressed out and wierd, as the first wife (we get along pretty well now, I think the kids were surprised about that part) will be there also. And then December 29th, would be my current marriage anniversary (9 years). God bless and do what I do (I still love my current wife very much), take one day at a time and take one step after another. I do cry alot too.


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## ing

It sucks. It really , really sucks. I am here on Xmas eve with my Mother.

My kids come back half way through xmas day.


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## Sparkles422

Yes this is my first Xmas alone and I mean alone-no-one. Daughter changed plans and is visiting her Uncle. Oh well.

I'm treating it like any other day.

One thing, I won't forget this Christmas like I did so many of the others. And last year stunk as there were signs of the EA (I was unaware of EA's back then).

I keep repeating this mantra:

I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED


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## EleGirl

Sparkles422 said:


> Yes this is my first Xmas alone and I mean alone-no-one. Daughter changed plans and is visiting her Uncle. Oh well.
> 
> I'm treating it like any other day.
> 
> One thing, I won't forget this Christmas like I did so many of the others. And last year stunk as there were signs of the EA (I was unaware of EA's back then).
> 
> I keep repeating this mantra:
> 
> I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED


How old is your daughter?


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## EleGirl

Well, this Christmas sucks for me for a different reason... 

I admit that I am blesses that my husband and my 22 year old son are there with me.

But I two step-children are banned from my house because of their illegal drug use. This is the first Chirstmas that they will not be here. They are 22 & 24. My step son did call me today and asked if he and his wife could come over for our usual christmas tree decorating party. I said sure if you are not high. If you are high don't come over. They did not come over.

I am greatful for those I do have here. But I miss those who are not here.


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## nowthinkpositive

I am sorry Shoo - and everyone else that is going through this. It is my first Christmas alone too (just divorced in Sept) and I can relate to everything you said in your post. I don't know how to relate to anything other than a traditional family sitting around opening presents together. And we don't realize until it happens how much the split means not only a split with immediate family, but also extended family and friends. They do tend to take sides unfortunately and sometimes although it is so unfair they do not take our side. I want to scream "I didn't want this", "this wasn't my fault" but you're right - you can't say anything bad about the ex or the situation even though this isn't your fault because of the pain it would cause your child. In my gut I want to, to make ME feel better but it would only make my son feel worse. And we do take on the pain of our children, don't we? They are most important so we have to be strong for them. We have to try to get through each day (and especially days like this) and try to show as an example that even when you get handed crap in life you have to make the best of things.

I've neve woken up on Xmas morning and cried but here I am. I hope to God it will be okay for you, for me, for all of us.


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## chattycathy

:noel:

Merry Christmas to you
and
you will find your way
to joy
as you go


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## kenn

Merry Christmas, and I'll pray for all of us going through this. Try and find peace through all this. It is hard


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