# Husband irresponsible with guns - we have a child



## Hopeandlove

Hi everyone,
I need to post - I am feeling scared and very close to asking for a separation. Long story short, when we got married I knew my husband loved guns. I said I did not have a problem with them being in our him as long as they are locked up and out of reach of our daughter (1 year at the time).He has a license to carry and would keep one on him at all times. Well, at the time our daughter was 3 he left one sitting on a table. We bought a second safe after that. Then 2x this year he left a LOADED gun in our bathroom. I told him that was it - he obviously could not be responsible and therefore had forfeited his right to have any guns in our home. I said they need to go - end of discussion. He said it was a deal-breaker and wanted to end the marriage. After he pulled his head out of his ass, he said he would go to counseling to work on this and our other issues. 

It has been 3 months and now he wants to "bring his guns home". In counseling I said I could only accept that if he no longer carried in/around our home and kept them locked and UN-loaded in his safe. He said "that is an okay start". He feels an unloaded gun is pointless. WHAT?? Any advice here? I have a feeling I know what I need to do as he has said more than once that he won't tolerate not being able to have his guns. That he would "end us" if it came to that. He says I can't change my mind about having guns around after 10 years together. I told him - YOU are the one who has shown me that you can't be responsible. I would have to be an idiot to just say "okay - I'll guess I just hope you don't leave them around anymore!" He has barely taken any accountability for the COLOSSAL mistake he made leaving them out. I guess I just need some feedback... I am scared.


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## colotnk

My husband loves guns and collects them. He has extensive firearms training. So I'm around them quite a lot. Your husband is an extremely irresponsible gun owner whose license to carry concealed should be taken away. He needs a refresher course on gun safety.

He's just throwing a fit because he can't have his 'toy'. Guess what, guns are not toys. They are deadly weapons. Do not relent. Do not allow him to have loaded firearms in the house unless he demonstrates sincere respect for firearms. 

If he wants to leave because of that, let him. He's a huge liability if he doesn't realize how dangerous his gun handling is.

If my husband does what yours did, I would take all his precious guns away and sell them. Firearms safety is not negotiable. One has no business owning or even touching a gun if one cannot handle it safely.


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## Thor

Unloaded guns ARE useless for defending the family. Handling a gun to load and unload it is an increase in risk. The chance of an accidental discharge goes up dramatically woth loading/unlpading.

Given his forgetfulness in leaving his gun unattended I think some airtight corrective procedures need to be in place before he has guns out of the safe. Unnecessary handling adds risk but leaving it unattended with young children in the house is a lot riskier

I'm a gun nut and support ownership and concealed carry. I want to find a way for your family to enjoy added security. But I am not comfortable with a forgetful owner and small children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer*

In my country almost no one owns a gun, we all feel very safe and we have a lot less accidental and violent deaths every year. 

That said I think you are right, and need to make sure you get some proof of his actions in case you divorce so your child does not have to be alone with someone so careless. 

He needs to understand that he has chosen to not have guns through his actions. You don't want to have to be his mother but he is behaving like a child who only cares for himself.


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## daisygirl 41

So he's choosing the guns over his family basically!
He has proved over and over again that he is irresponsible with them!
Does your daughter have to be injured or worse before he will listen?
It'll be too late then!
Don't back down!
Get a baseball bat! Much safer!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

You crazy ass Americans


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## Thor

More children are seriously injured playing baseball than via gun accidents. More kids drown in family poools than via gun accidents. More toddlers die drowning falling headfirst into buckets of water or into toilets. Cars? Football games? Homicidal mothers? All kill more children than gun accidents. The (progressive) media and politicians push their agenda and brainwash the masses with false impressions about gun safety.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jane_Doe

My husband likes guns, owns them, goes hunting and all that jazz. He's responsible, safe, and I trust him 100%. But I still won't allow guns in the apartment, not now, not ever, not even unloaded in a safe. It's a boundary I have, and crossing it would make me uncomfortable enough to leave. 

It sounds like you tried to set up a boundary and he's treating it like a stepping stone that he can stand on for now, but eventually he will want to move to the next one - you allowing loaded weapons in the house, allowing loaded weapons to be left unguarded on the ground, etc. until everything's back to 'normal' for him again. Let him know this is not going to change, it's not a 'start', that's the end of it. If he threatens to leave, then that's the price you might have to pay to feel safe and secure in your own home.


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## pb76no

Hopeandlove said:


> He says I can't change my mind about having guns around after 10 years together. I told him - YOU are the one who has shown me that you can't be responsible.


You're not changing your mind, you are protecting your daughter AND any other children that may be in your house visiting. Sorry for the pun, but stick to your guns.

When you said you are afraid, do you mean afraid of what he'll do or afraid he'll be irresponsible again? If it is the former get out now.


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## the guy

I suggest you get to know your gun laws, and use this information to implimnet strick gun control in your home.

My wife did this and it was the fact that the cops could come in and take my guns if my wife ever called them.

In my state it is against the law to store loaded unlocked guns. theres also something about the ammo, I'm not sure but my wife knows.


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## captainstormy

I'm a very pro gun guy myself so I just wanted to put that out there to start with.

You husband needs to treat firearms with the care and respect that they require. He needs to learn to handle them in a safe manner as well. He is the kind of gun owner that makes us all look bad and dangerous.

That said, it can be done no problem. I have a permit to carry as well, and don't go anywhere without it. 

At home I stay armed, but use a shoulder holster.

I know some people will say I'm crazy. But the truth is, if someone were to break down your front door (which takes 1 kick from an in shape young guy) a gun in a safe won't help you, and an unloaded gun is even more useless.

For what its worth, I own about two dozen guns. Two of them are always loaded. That would be the pistol I always carry and the shot gun I keep in ready condition. That is there so my other half can barricade herself, and in the future our kids in a safe room in case of emergency.

The rest of the firearms are locked in the safe. The shotgun is located 6 feet off the ground so by the time any kid we have could reach it, they will know how to use it.

I've worked with police departments quite a bit doing IT consulting. Home invasions are on the rise, especially in nice neighborhood s where there usually aren't any problems. Many of the times they do it when someone is home so that they can be told where the good stuff is. Nothing good comes of it. 

I don't care about my stuff, that's what insurance is for but the life and well being of my wife and myself are the most important thing to me.

Sorry, wondered a bit. You husband should be more responsible, but I bet his heart is in the right place.


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## IndyTMI

Your husband is not safe with guns period. All of my guns are locked in a safe that are not being carried on my person. 
He has no reason or excuse to leave a loaded gun anywhere in the house. 
He needs to find a proper holster with retention and not take it off his person unless he is putting it in the safe.


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## IndyTMI

the guy said:


> I suggest you get to know your gun laws, and use this information to implimnet strick gun control in your home.
> 
> My wife did this and it was the fact that the cops could come in and take my guns if my wife ever called them.
> 
> In my state it is against the law to store loaded unlocked guns. theres also something about the ammo, I'm not sure but my wife knows.


 
Unfortunately for him, as simple as a restraining order would not allow him to possess guns in some states.


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## CO_MOM

We have 3 kids - 13, 10, and 8. They have all been shooting the rifles for about the last 4 years or so. Our daughter got her hunter safety card when she was in 5th grade, the other two will probably take the class the next time it is offered. They all treat any gun (including son's BB gun) as if it were loaded, they have all saw deer and elk die with them, so they understand the true power of them.

I think your husband needs to be more responsible about leaving them laying around with a child that age. But also, knowlede and continued reminders that they are not toys, and the proper way to handle a weapon will also go a long ways to ease a persons mind.


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## bbrad

Yup, your hubby needs to be more careful. I could see where if you carry all the time, you might leave it out, but still no excuse. A deal-breaker between family and right to carry? You gotta be kidding me. My wife was the same way.

I own guns, and we have a safe. The only person with the combo is me. One pistol is loaded in the house, in our bedroom, no one will ever find it, home invasion use only. Ain't Texas grand?


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## Chris Taylor

Maybe a compromise is in order.

Agree to delay the issue if he takes a firearms safety course. If he's willing to do this, you're willing to allow firearms in the house.

BUT if he screws up again after taking the firearms course, there's no help for him and the guns go.


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## Crushed-in-side

Why is he taking the loaded gun out of the holster? 2x in the bathroom? Is he doing tricks with it while he is doing his business? lol. When he goes to the bathroom in public does he take it out and leave it on the stall? 

I agree with your actions due to his lack of responsibility. May have been fine when he was by himself but with kiddos in the house you can't turn your back for a second and they are into something. If kids see Daddy playing with the gun they will want to play with it too...

I am also a gun enthusiast.


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## Chris Taylor

Crushed-in-side said:


> Why is he taking the loaded gun out of the holster? 2x in the bathroom? Is he doing tricks with it while he is doing his business? lol. When he goes to the bathroom in public does he take it out and leave it on the stall?
> 
> I agree with your actions due to his lack of responsibility. May have been fine when he was by himself but with kiddos in the house you can't turn your back for a second and they are into something. If kids see Daddy playing with the gun they will want to play with it too...
> 
> I am also a gun enthusiast.


She didn't say it was unholstered. My guess is that he carries it on his belt, went in to use the toilet and left the gun, probably still in the holster, on the sink (like I used to do with my cell phone when I carried it on my belt).

Again, he needs a refresher course on gun safety.


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