# How do I handle this situation?



## allgev (Apr 27, 2012)

Last year my husband had an emotional affair. That's what I call it anyway. He was texting and talking to this young girl A LOT. After I found out about her, he said that he did have feelings for her but they never had sex or even hung out outside of work. Then he put an end to their "relationship". Since then he has had a few different women ask him to go for a drink or to hang out or whatever. He always says 'sure, we should hang out sometime' or 'I can't, I'm busy this week'. Its never 'No, I'm married' or anything to indicate that I exist at all. They all know he's married, but they also know about him and the first one so maybe they think he's ok with it. Being that he's usually home when he's not at work I don't think that he has actually gone out with them but its getting old. He says they are just friends and they aren't interested in him. I have seen some of the texts that these women have sent and it seems clear to me that they want more than a friend. 
Anyway, my question is: If your husband said that a woman from his old job wanted to go out for a drink or something, would you be ok with it? This is not a person hes known for a long time or even someone he has talked to before. And you don't know her at all. 
I would just like to know if this is a normal thing that happens or if I have the right to be uneasy about it. Any thoughts or advice would be great.
Thanks


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## onehotmama (Apr 13, 2012)

You have every right to feel uneasy. Going out with a group of coworkers is one thing, one on one with a member of the opposite sex is another. It sounds like he is flirting with these women, and probably enjoying the attention he is receiving. It's very innappropriate, and he needs to assert his status as a married man. Even if it's strictly emotional, it's a form of cheating and you need to have a serious conversation before it goes any further. What he's doing is very disrespectful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

No I would not be cool with it. I think you need to communicate your feelings to your husband how this is all making you feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

The only was my husband would go out for drinks w/ a lone female co-worker would be if I tagged along with him.

You are right to be uneasy - unless there is total transparency in your marriage you should be uneasy.

Let him know how it makes you feel and that you do not appreciate his interactions w/ these women.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Your husband is so disrespectful towards you and your marriage. He doesn't have the courage to tell these women that HE'S MARRIED and that they NEED TO STOP CONTACTING HIM FOR other reason beyond work or something like that. 
What's going on in your marriage IS NOT normal. You need to keep an eye on him and if neccessary even think seperating. He doesn't sound like a devoting husband. 

He doesn't count you at all!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No freaking WAY would my husband be going out for drinks with ANY female one-on-one besides me, or his ass would be out the goddam door so fast his balls would be left behind.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Tell him NO! 

I'd let me sleep on the sofa for even considering it, and while he's sleeping there I'd ask him how he'd feel if you were going out for drinks with other men 1v1.

He needs to be definite about saying no to other women, he's a married man... he needs to act like one.


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## nomoretrust (Apr 28, 2012)

My husband is a custodian in an elementary school. He "hangs out" with 2 cafeteria women during the day. One of these women is constantly texting him all day-evenings-weekends, etc. We have had numerous discussions/disagreements/arguments pertaining to these texting issues and his constant comment is "We are just friends. There are only women where I work." I have even sent a text to this broad about so much texting with my husband, but neither one of them "gets it"! He tells me how much he loves me, but won't stop the constant texting. I've become obsessive checking his texting usage online and he gets mad at me for doing that-tells me not to look at it-it just upsets me! I'm to the point of probably having an ulcer over this whole thing. Am I wrong to feel this way? Does anyone have any other suggestions to make him see how wrong this is? Thanks for your help!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

nomoretrust said:


> Does anyone have any other suggestions to make him see how wrong this is? Thanks for your help!


Ask him how he'd feel if you started texting a particular man a lot. Building a close relationship/friendship with him and spending all day at work with them.

I have a funny feeling if he really thought it through carefully, he'd admit he doesn't want that for you... ever.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

allgev said:


> Last year my husband had an emotional affair. That's what I call it anyway. He was texting and talking to this young girl A LOT. After I found out about her, he said that he did have feelings for her but they never had sex or even hung out outside of work. Then he put an end to their "relationship". Since then he has had a few different women ask him to go for a drink or to hang out or whatever. He always says 'sure, we should hang out sometime' or 'I can't, I'm busy this week'. Its never 'No, I'm married' or anything to indicate that I exist at all. They all know he's married, but they also know about him and the first one so maybe they think he's ok with it. Being that he's usually home when he's not at work I don't think that he has actually gone out with them but its getting old. He says they are just friends and they aren't interested in him. I have seen some of the texts that these women have sent and it seems clear to me that they want more than a friend.
> Anyway, my question is: If your husband said that a woman from his old job wanted to go out for a drink or something, would you be ok with it? This is not a person hes known for a long time or even someone he has talked to before. And you don't know her at all.
> I would just like to know if this is a normal thing that happens or if I have the right to be uneasy about it. Any thoughts or advice would be great.
> Thanks



Your husband has a lot of nerve considering he had an EA just last year? He should be stopping these women dead in their tracks with, "I'm married and I love my wife." He should also be groveling at your feet to make you feel secure and loved and reassured that it will NEVER happen again.

He is sending these women signals that he welcomes and relishes the attention. Put your foot down and let him not it is NOT ok, and that he'd better step up to the plate. An EA is a big deal; it's not something you expect your partner to just get over.

"just friends" is classic.


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## nomoretrust (Apr 28, 2012)

I have asked-explained-pleaded-gotten angry-begged-you name it-HE JUST PLAIN DOESN'T GET IT!! I have gotten to the point where I am totally obsessed with this woman and her texting to my husband. I can check how many texts go between the 2 of them online and it seem she can't wait to text him first thing every morning when they aren't working and continue throughout the day. I can block her texts since I am the admin on the phone account, but I think that would REALLY make my husband mad-but what he's doing is hurting me so much I can't concentrate on anything else. If he proclaims he loves me so much, why would he continue to do these things to hurt me? I don't know how much longer I can take it-I have even thought about downloading spyware on his phone since he deletes the texts messages immediately and I have no idea what is being said. If they are so innocent then why does he delete them right away? Am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

No, you are not. He is lying to you and hiding something. If there was nothing to hide, you should be able to grab his phone and read everything on it, no questions asked and nothing should be deleted at any time!!

Just sounds like there is more going on with this chick...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

He's lying & hiding, he's in an EA.
Lady frog said he had one before?

Tell him to stop, give him consequences like divorce.

He'll continue only as long as you allow it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yep. Time for you to insist on MC ASAP and he stops hiding his texts or you leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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