# Past Family Issues affecting my thoughts of marriage!!! HELP!!!



## girlygirl03 (Jan 27, 2009)

Hey everyone... I need some advice. I have been with my bf for 5 years now and we have been talking more about marriage. My parents had a horrible marriage with abuse, fighting, and just general chaos. I have an AMAZING relationship with my bf, who is also my best friend. I have been having anxiety and doubts within my brain that are driving me nuts and I need someone to help me find a way to work through them. I love my bf more than the world, and know I want to be with him forever, but the past of my parents marriage is creeping up at what is supposed to be a very happy time! I get anxiety thinking that it will all turn out like their marriage did (3 kids, divorce, hatred, pain, ect) and find myself questioning things I have never questioned before. Is this normal and how can I work through it? I have only been with him and i think that is the root of some of it, but is there something I can tell myself when I start thinking these crazy thoughts to make things better or help myself through the anxiety? Thanks for listening and any help would be great!


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

It's normal to get anxious about marriage. It's a big step in your life. When you start thinking about those things, you need to do less worrying and more learning.

First. Look at your boyfriend? Is he your father?
Then. Look in the mirror, Do you see your mother?

NO, you aren't the same people. NOW, what you can do is instead of fighting the memories and the feelings of your parents, take them and learn from them. You know a lot of what not to do and what happens if you do it.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

My husband and I went to pre-marital classes through the church we married in. We both thought it was a good experience because it brought things to the surface such as children, chores, finances, etc. and gave us some comfort that we had talked through things and were on the same page. You can't change your past experience of your parents' marriage, but you can take proactive steps to ensure you stay plugged in to your bf and share similar morals/values/goals.


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