# Almost cheated on my wife last weekend.



## RavensFan (Jan 27, 2015)

This may be long, but I'll try to keep it entertaining. Thanks in advance to anyone who hangs for the entire read 

The wife and I haven't been getting along for a long time. We're newly married, and it seems like our relationship took a turn for the worse when we actually got married. I haven't been happy in a long time, and now I'm stuck in this rut dealing with her debt, fighting, distance, alcoholism, and lack of sex. We've been married since last May, and we haven't had sex in like, 5 months. We don't even sleep in the same bed. Hell, we don't even sleep in the same bedroom. I'm 32 years old, not 56, and I feel like Al Bundy already.

Even Valentine's Day sucked. Despite my effort to truly make her happy, it just entirely fell flat. She picked a fight out of nowhere, and by 8pm she was already in bed taking her rage nap, as I ate my 10 piece chicken nugget meal by myself for dinner, instead of going out like I wanted to. It's been a tough ass day, because I've always put forth effort here, and even though we weren't exactly getting along prior to Valentine's, I didn't want her to feel left out by everyone's gloating on Facebook. My dad wasn't exactly a romantic growing up, and I remember seeing my mom upset that he'd forget, or not do anything special, and I never wanted to be that. 

She never really gave the day a chance from the get go, because she says it's her ex's birthday. Seriously. We've been married for almost a year, we had dated for two, and she was broken up with him for a year prior to us, and it's still all about that guy. Screw that. Unless he's literally Saint Valentine, what the hell does today have to do with him? It's been a tough week financially, and I managed to stretch my last spendable penny to try to make it special, and it just blew up in my face spectacularly. 

So anyway, it's been pretty crummy on my end, but today got me thinking of something that happened last week. So I have this friend that I've been close with for 14 years. We were introduced way back when by my shady friend, and we went on a double date together with his girlfriend. Even though we had a great time, it never happened because he told me that she didn't like me. I let it be, and when we'd end up having a class together later on, we became good friends, even though she had a boyfriend. Years later, I'd find out that she had the biggest crush on me, and that my friend made up a lie so that I couldn't expose him to his girlfriend by being in the same circle (he was lying to her). So in a way, this friend of mine became sort of the one that got away, though on my end, it's been nothing but platonic since then. She's since been married twice.

For whatever reason, her current husband doesn't like me very much, and as a result, we don't hang out often anymore. But recently we got back to talking, and on one day that I had a big fight with the wife, she proposed going out to a bar that night to talk it out. Spontaneous, but it was a lot of fun complaining and catching up at the same time. Ever since then, we had talked steadily, but it was weird to me that she hadn't mentioned her husband, and that she'd be available all times of the night without him. So last weekend, she calls me and asks me out. I lie to the wife and come up with an excuse so that I can sneak out and go to the bar with my friend.

We're talking, and she's being flirty, she starts dancing on me, and then she starts whispering in my ear and kissing it. I'm shocked, and I was completely confused because here's one very attractive person entirely into me, meanwhile the wife at home wouldn't look at me if I had spontaneously combusted right in front of her. All the while, I'm on my best behavior by not giving in, or reciprocating, though I honestly don't tell her "no". It was flattering, it felt good to have some attention for the first time in nearly half a year, though I wasn't so sure if I could act on it. I guess I felt bad that the wife was at home watching Netflix, thinking that I went to visit my brother and we're playing Mario Kart, meanwhile I'm with another woman. 

We leave the bar, and I end up following my friend home (we literally live half a mile apart) because the night was still young. Her husband isn't home (I still have no clue where he is), and in her mind, she's already punched in two tickets to Pound Town. I get off the couch, and have my John Travolta in Pulp Fiction moment in the bathroom, and ultimately decide that I can't go through with it despite that she's totally willing, totally hot, and a complete incarnation of everything that my wife is not at the moment. My wife is very attractive, but what I meant was that she's just this cold, lifeless, soul sucking succubus that's out to ruin my life. Meanwhile I got my friend here who is completely flustered, and my ego is through the roof. That was victory enough, and I went home, despite that she literally asked me to spend the night. 

This is huge for me, because I've seriously cheated on every single one of my girlfriends except for my wife. Remember in the Grinch where his heart grew 3 times its size by the end of the movie? Well, my broken excuse for a fidelity meter grew 3 times its size. I haven't spoken to my friend since the next morning, where we kinda cleared the air, but after eating McDonald's alone for Valentine's where my self worth is rock bottom, I can't help but wonder if I did the right thing or not. I could've done it, and the screwed up part is that I could've told my wife that night, and she wouldn't have believed me. She sincerely thinks that I couldn't pull a girl, and that I probably rubbed myself in pork chops to achieve the musty smell. 

I really don't know what the point of all of that was, whether I just wanted to write it out to see what it looked like, get advice, or what, but maybe at the very least it could serve as a warning to anyone who makes their significant other feel like crap on the reg: it came that close, and it's that easy. I don't feel entitled to having my wife doll up and put out because I got her some flowers and gifts today, but at the very least, she could've at least cracked a smile or given me a hug. I didn't get a hug or a kiss today, and this was our first Valentine's as a married couple.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* I'd be greatly forced to say that you and your W are prime candidates for MC(marriage counselling).

Barring that, you're going to have to consider making a serous decision about the continuance of your relationship! As is, it is just not normal.

With the serious lack of marital sex in your union, have you actually given thought to the fact that your W may be involved in an affair of her own?*


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Have you considered IC (individual counseling) to address co-dependency issues in you? No emotionally healthy adult would dream of getting married under those dire conditions and expect a healthier outcome.


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## RavensFan (Jan 27, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> * I'd be greatly forced to say that you and your W are prime candidates for MC(marriage counselling).
> 
> Barring that, you're going to have to consider making a serous decision about the continuance of your relationship! As is, it is just not normal.
> 
> With the serious lack of marital sex in your union, have you actually given thought to the fact that your W may be involved in an affair of her own?*


It wouldn't be so far-fetched, to be honest. If not for that she's here at home every night, I'd think she'd be seeing someone on the side. But like I said, I could easily have been "visiting my brother", and she wouldn't have a clue.


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## RavensFan (Jan 27, 2015)

chaos said:


> Have you considered IC (individual counseling) to address co-dependency issues in you? No emotionally healthy adult would dream of getting married under those dire conditions and expect a healthier outcome.


I could really do without her. I don't talk to her much during the day, and we barely spend time together when we're not at work. We're just in separate rooms, doing different things.

The relationship phase wasn't half bad, the marriage phase itself is the worst ever.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I wouldn't even try counseling. I would go right to divorce.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

RavensFan said:


> I could really do without her. I don't talk to her much during the day, and we barely spend time together when we're not at work. We're just in separate rooms, doing different things.
> 
> The relationship phase wasn't half bad, the marriage phase itself is the worst ever.


Then your marriage is a sham. What are you going to do about it?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

RavensFan said:


> *I really don't know what the point of all of that was*, whether I just wanted to write it out to see what it looked like, get advice, or what, but maybe at the very least it could serve as a warning to anyone who makes their significant other feel like crap on the reg: it came that close, and it's that easy. I don't feel entitled to having my wife doll up and put out because I got her some flowers and gifts today, but at the very least, she could've at least cracked a smile or given me a hug. I didn't get a hug or a kiss today, and this was our first Valentine's as a married couple.


I really don't know either.

It doesn't seem as though you're really asking for advice, at least any you'd actually want to hear.

In fact, this whole post reads somewhat like a novel. You seem to be surrounded by a lot of drama.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Well you did the right thing with the pretty girl to start, so let me say this... If you want to have a great marriage you yourself need to be a person worth having a great marriage with... The fact you didn't cheat should not be lauded, it should be expected.

Your wife has some issues with you, your marriage, her past, I don't know. If she is treating you crappy there is a reason for it and finding that reason is important.

If you want to fix things if they can be fixed, find the reason... You have to communicate, communicate, communicate... So learn to listen to what she isn't telling you as much as what she is.

Don't cross that line of being a cheater with your wife. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should and leaving the trail of devastation behind from infidelity leads to people coming here. This is not a happy happy joy joy place. It is a place to help people heal.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

RavensFan said:


> For whatever reason, her current husband doesn't like me very much


Good heavens, I wonder why?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

"Dear Penthouse Forum,

You'll never believe what I _almost_ did this past weekend..."


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Well now we know why your friend has been married twice before. I think you and your wife need to have a open and honest discussion about y'all relationship. Life is too short to be this damn miserable. 

I give you props for not sleeping with the other woman, but you may be in an EA with your friend and not even realize it. If so you are doing more damage to your marriage.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

RavensFan said:


> This may be long, but I'll try to keep it entertaining. Thanks in advance to anyone who hangs for the entire read
> 
> The wife and I haven't been getting along for a long time. We're newly married, and it seems like our relationship took a turn for the worse when we actually got married. I haven't been happy in a long time, and now I'm stuck in this rut dealing with her debt, fighting, distance, alcoholism, and lack of sex. We've been married since last May, and we haven't had sex in like, 5 months. We don't even sleep in the same bed. Hell, we don't even sleep in the same bedroom. I'm 32 years old, not 56, and I feel like Al Bundy already.
> 
> Good heavens, RavensFan! Why are you still with this woman? It appears she is still hung up on her ex. Do you feel you can't divorce her for financial reasons (you mentioned your "last spendable penny) ? It sounds like you have nothing to look forward to in your life except misery. I usually don't counsel divorce, but in your case it's definitely something you should consider. Have you ever suggested ending your marriage, and if you did, what was her reaction?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Amen to what most others said. RF my man, your marriage started out on the bottom and went south from there. Try anything you want but it ain't going to get any better and the next time you'll be in the saddle with this other chick. You need to ditch your old lady and start hanging out with a better class of losers.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

One word, divorce.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your married life is simply terrible. Your wife took you as a husband on a rebound. She is still pining for her failed marriage before yours. You are only 32 years old and has a long life ahead of you. End your misery.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> "Dear Penthouse Forum,
> 
> You'll never believe what I _almost_ did this past weekend..."


 hahahahahahahahahahaha.......Shaka, when the walls fell!!!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

IIJokerII said:


> hahahahahahahahahahaha.......Shaka, when the walls fell!!!



Temba, his arms open!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

IIJokerII said:


> hahahahahahahahahahaha.......Shaka, when the walls fell!!!





lifeistooshort said:


> Temba, his arms open!


Please don't.


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> "Dear Penthouse Forum,
> 
> You'll never believe what I _almost_ did this past weekend..."


I had the same thought. Actually, let me correct it. 



> "Dear Penthouse Forum,
> 
> You'll never believe what I *did *this past weekend..."


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

RavensFan said:


> The wife and I haven't been getting along for a long time. We're newly married, and it seems like our relationship took a turn for the worse when we actually got married. I haven't been happy in a long time,


Uh, how is it that you would get married to someone that you "haven't been happy or getting along with for a long time"? 

Are you rewriting your marital history or are you just making this up?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

chaos said:


> No emotionally healthy adult would dream of getting married under those dire conditions and expect a healthier outcome.


No adult would get married period if they couldn't keep from cheating on every single one of their past girlfriends.

RavensFan, you are not marriage material. Maybe you should consider divorce.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

jld said:


> I wouldn't even try counseling. I would go right to divorce.


Yes, because she isn't meeting his needs.


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