# So... What's the good news?



## WadeWilson

We hear so much about how our spouses do not live up to our expectation on these boards... That I see **
little insight to anything positive... I get a sense that so many peoples relationships are more partnerships than anything... The kind were it can be dissolved as a bad contract...

To me my wife is somewhat my everything... She's my upper when I'm down, my medicene when I'm sick, a leader when I'm lost, a follower when I'm guiding, my best friend.

I am just curious...
What about other people, how do they value thier marriage?
What are the good values and reasons you stay...*
And maybe this will serve as a template to help those in bad situations to see what true value and understanding might be... So please tell your stories of positive efforts on you and/or your spouse.


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## Mom6547

What I value in my marriage.... He is awesome plain and simple. He tries to listen and understand me. We do stuff together and have fun. He is there for me when I need him. He loves the crap out of me. He is fun and giving in bed. My sounding board when I am confused.The excellent father of my children.


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## Pandakiss

that is very romantic, i sometimes feel like i dont live up to my husbands expataions. i sometimes think i ask too much and dont do anything in return. i feel like i take him for granted, oh he will work, oh he will grocery shop with me...
sex eh..later???

i try but i feel like its not good enough.


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## WadeWilson

It's good to see some people can still recognize the great value thier partner bring to the table...
With so many problems in marriages from the boardroom to the bedroom we still need to sometimes see the stregnth in our lovers to get us through...
I have seen some on this forum who are great leaders for the new and the desparate...

VT it's good to see you value your spouse and he I'm sure values you the same...

Pandakiss I can tell in your post your husband respects you, he has to for all the things you say you do...

I wonder how many others have a strong bound like VT and Pandakiss...
Maybe the dudes can add perspective...

Sorry I'm just nosey....


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## F-102

My wife, above all, can give me something that no other woman EVER could-peace of mind.


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## RandomDude

"You'll never love a chick unless she can kick your ass in something"
- Mates a long time ago

Turned out the prophesy came true in a way, I like the challenge for reasons I still don't understand, and the missus never bores me.


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## SimplyAmorous

My husband found me when I was emotionally insecure & had some dysfunctional family issues going on. I was one chick with an "attitude" when he met me at age 15. 

When he stepped into my world, it was forever changed. 

From him, I learned how to love other people, how to accept myself, forgive myself, he gave me HOPE for the future. I have nothing but GOOD things to say about my husband -generally. I tend to have a critical nature so at times I get carried away & manufacture problems where there is none. 

 I am more of the "messed up" of the 2 of us. Amazingly, he loves me just the way I am, with my overly zealous flaws & weaker moments. I know I changed his life as well, he even sees me as the Better half of the 2 of us & always tells me this. 

Love My marraige. Love my Husband, he has forever been my Best friend, my Lover, My inspiration, where I go for comfort, support, everthing I need he freely gives. He is honest, faithful & true & has lived this before me since the day I met him.  

A few yrs ago on the night of our very Anniversary, I had the radio playing & this song came on. It says it all....


YouTube - Edwin McCain - I Could Not Ask For More


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## reachingshore

Many people use this expression: "He is my rock". I'll elaborate and say my husband is my mentor and my guide in pretty much everything. At the same time though he is not a dictator and provided I can logically and rationally (LOL) convince him to "see it my way" he will graciously and gladly concede. If proven wrong, he will admit his faults and errors. He is very witty, outgoing, self confident and fun to be around. I've heard him called a man's man. I looked up the definition of "a man's man" and yes, it fits.

One of the most endearing things I find about him is while he is deep in thought and say, I sit down next to him, he unconsciously reaches for my hand, holds it up to his mouth and kinda keeps it there. I am 110% sure that at the moment he is thinking about some political article he has read or the current foreign exchange rates, whatever, just NOT about me. I don't care LOL What I find totally endearing/alluring/sexy is that he does it UNCONSCIOUSLY.


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## WadeWilson

RandomDude said:


> "You'll never love a chick unless she can kick your ass in something"


mortal kombat, UNO, monopoly, cheats excessively at Mario kart... But yet I enjoying playing and lossing to her than to win against anyone...


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## Affaircare

SimplyAmorous said:


> YouTube - Edwin McCain - I Could Not Ask For More


Know why I love you? We are just as different as can be, but you think very clearly, write very well, and that is exactly the same song that is my song for Dear Hubby...only I like the Sara Evans version: 

YouTube - Sara Evans - I Could Not Ask for More   

So WadeWilson, you asked: 


> how do they value thier marriage?
> What are the good values and reasons you stay...*
> And maybe this will serve as a template to help those in bad situations to see what true value and understanding might be... So please tell your stories of positive efforts on you and/or your spouse.


It's hard to describe how I value my marriage, because what is the measure, right? But I personally value my marriage according the the measure of what I promised in my vow. I actually have the words to my vows and they're more personal than the typical wording but somewhat similar. I promised to forsake all others for him--and to me that means I will protect myself from what tempts ME! I promised to love him "for better and for worse, for richer and poorer , in sickness and in health" and to me that doesn't just mean all the circumstances of life, because sometimes Life will shoot some pretty serious curves at you! No I take this part to mean that I'll discipline myself because surely as a couple we'll experience all these things as the years roll on! At some points it will be "better" but at some other points it will be "worse" and I have stood before God and said I would have him as my husband when it's hard. At some point we'll be richer...and another point we'll be pretty poor, and I stood before God and volunteered my love whether we have bounty or have to REALLY budget! And at some point we'll be young and healthy but as the years roll on we'll age and one of us may become sick--and my covenant with my husband is that I would have the security of knowing he won't leave if I get sick in exchange for also committed to him that I won't leave if he becomes sick. The point of it all is that all these things WILL happen, and my solemn promise is that I will work on myself and purposefully choose to act in a loving way as long as we both live...every single day.

So when he is grouchy (which honestly is very rare) I make the choice to remember all days he was patient with me, and I choose to be patient with him. 

When he has a day when he feels sick, I remember all the little thoughtful things he's done for me and I choose to be thoughtful for him. 

When he has a day when the kids, homeschooling and grocery shopping is just too much...I choose to remember that we agreed to be partners and that on the occasion he deserves a "day off" too. 

All those times when many people feel like their partner is lazy, doesn't meet their needs, won't help enough, doesn't do their part, argues all the time, hides everything, doesn't connect, won't touch or kiss them, etc. I have a responsibility to look at myself. Am I making the effort to build a good marriage and make him happy? Am I meeting HIS needs (the way he needs them, not the way I like to do them)? Am I helping him enough? Am I doing my part both personally and for the marriage? Am I arguing and explaining all the time? Am I open and honest with him, sharing the good stuff and the stuff that's personal and a little scary? Am I connecting with him? Am I touching and kissing him? 

See how easy that is?


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## WadeWilson

Affaircare,
that's the kind of example I'm looking for... Those are very core elements to look to when making decissions that can affect an relationship... It sounds very selfless and understanding, I too try and find ways to enrich me and my wife... As do she... But it's somewhat comical and awkward when both are trying to tell the other to take it easy for a day...


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## MEM2020

My W continues to show tremendous commitment to me and our marriage. To be loving and considerate and kind and affectionate. Her desire to be a great partner has trumped her (temporary?) loss of raw physical desire. 

As for me - well lately I have been more frequently substituting affection for sex (even though she is willing to connect) because I feel bad for her that her desire level is low. 

She is being generous with herself and I am being understanding and patient which isn't hard to do when you know your partner REALLY loves you.





WadeWilson said:


> Affaircare,
> that's the kind of example I'm looking for... Those are very core elements to look to when making decissions that can affect an relationship... It sounds very selfless and understanding, I too try and find ways to enrich me and my wife... As do she... But it's somewhat comical and awkward when both are trying to tell the other to take it easy for a day...


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## greenpearl

WadeWilson said:


> Affaircare,
> that's the kind of example I'm looking for... Those are very core elements to look to when making decissions that can affect an relationship... It sounds very selfless and understanding, I too try and find ways to enrich me and my wife... As do she... But it's somewhat comical and awkward when both are trying to tell the other to take it easy for a day...


Wade,

There are still a lot of happy couples on this planet, friends appeared in your thread all have happy marriages, according to what I have noticed, there are quite a few happy married men and women on this forum, makes this place more appealing for me! 

This is the article AFEH found, a great article about a healthy marriage. 

Imagine Hope Counseling Group - Our Resources - PLANTING THE SEED OF INTERDEPENDENCE


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## Mrs.LonelyGal

I love my husband and although my insecurities get the better of me sometimes, I know he loves me too.
I really value that our relationship is a true partnership. I know that sometimes I take care of him and sometimes he takes care of me.
We work hard to be better people for each other. I truly believe that he deserves the best of me, and I strive to give it to him. I know he feels the same way.

It is sometimes the little things, like he always makes extra coffee for me and will even pour a cup and put just the right amount of cream and sugar in it. He is always doing little things that anticipate my needs, and I appreciate him for it.


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