# My wife punched me in the face for the first time



## djguy13

So after a couple of weeks without arguing or nothing, we went outlast nite to a local bar
with my brother and his wife. My wife got mad because we caught her staring at a pregnant bartender lol and then i guess she felt 
bad about t so her face changed and she was mad from there on. 
When i told her we were leaving she just said bye and started walking 
faster than me. I asked what was wrong and grabbed her by the arm. She turned
around and pushed me away. Walking to the car i told her this was the last
time i asked her to go out with me. She immediately thought i was talking about money
like me insinuating i spent money on food and beer on her. When she
said this i asked her to better look for someone like her mother's boyfriend
who spents lots of money on her and treats her like a damn queen when all
she does is treat him like ****. My wife went bananas and punched me in the face HARD,
then she gets in the car and does it again. Ended up punching me again and leaving a nasty nail 
scratch on my cheek. Then asked to get out of the car and walk home. Thanks god i sucked it up
and got outta the car and staerted walking home. I didn't know i had the police behind me thru the whole time. 
Anyways. When i got home i just went to sleep to my 4 year old daughter's room. 
Then my wife came to the room crying asking for forgiveness. I told her that was it. That i'm leaving her. 
We have been in a relationship for 6 years and have a 4 year old had many ups and downs but she never hitted me before. I should've called the damn cops and file a police report. Damn!
I need to leave her behind now, don't i? I was just sticking around for my daughter and trying to work things out but 
now that the physical stuff started i'm pretty sure everything changes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigBadWolf

I do not know what other problems you and your woman have, but I do not doubt there are many.

You have a 4 year old child at home yet you and her are at a bar having a fight and you get punched in the face twice by your woman.

You do not need to file a police report, yet, it is probably not too late depending on the law where you live, but you need to get yourself a lawyer.

This is both for sound legal council, to file a potential restraining order if necessary, but also to show your woman you are taking control of the situation.

Which is what it sounds like you need to be doing in many other areas.

I wish you well.


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## djguy13

^^ my mother was babysitting my 4 year old till next morning at her home. 
Nothing wrong with 2 adults trying to go out and have a couple of drinks in my opinion
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lj2000

Make your wife start therapy for the punching you in the face immediately or tell her you will separate. She could lose her temper and punch or hit your daughter with something next. You need to go to couples counseling too.


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## DawnD

It couldn't have just been because you saw her checking out a pregnant girl. Were you making an a** out of yourself? Were you being mean to her so you could come off as "cool" to others? Either way, violence is not okay so definately get counseling for that. But I do think there is more than you are telling us about the time out.


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## snowglobe

I agree with DawnD. Why would your wife be embarrassed to be caught looking at a pregnant woman? So what.... has to be more to that story. And I also agree that it doesn't excuse the violence. It sounds like you both need counseling regardless of the fact that you might or might not stay together. We are all here at this website for one reason or another and basically it's because we are all having/had marital issues. So don't be afraid to say how you feel here, you won't be judged for telling the whole story.


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## artieb

In the event you split up, you won't want your wife to have custody of any children. So you should definitely file a police report ASAP; that way it will be on file and can be entered into evidence for any eventual custody hearings.

She has to start therapy right now for anger management, or you should explore separating.


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## swedish

djguy13 said:


> I need to leave her behind now, don't i? I was just sticking around for my daughter and trying to work things out but
> now that the physical stuff started i'm pretty sure everything changes
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would agree that everything changed when she got physical with you. Somehow, that seems to open a door for physcial violence, that it's okay now if she is really angry. I personally would not stick around for the next time unless she gets into some serious anger management. And not sure of the timing, but filing a police report would be a good idea.


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## 63Vino

What would have happened of the roles were reversed?
It does not get more serious than this. Whatever you decied you need to make sure this does not go unrecorded.


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## Believe

Ok I must add my two cents here as I had a very similar situation this past weekend with my H. I had become enraged and started hitting/pushing his arm. He pointed to his cheek and said go ahead hit me here. Which I would never do and didn't. Instead I slammed the door on him. My H and I are already separated. I was just so hurt and I did not know how to release the pain. 
He went to the police station because apparently there is a scratch on his face. (maybe from my ring, I am not sure. It was not done intentionally.)
Needless to say, I ended up in handcuffs and almost was arrested for a felony. He states he just wanted to report it. I am guessing to build a case against me for custody. It was horrible. I however would never think of laying a hand on my children as I am not out of control. I was just very frustrated and hurt. I have been hoping and waiting for him to come back home for a year to no avail. I do not condone violence of any kind whether it is from a male or female. I think counseling would be the best for the two of you. You need to find out what triggered that reaction from your wife. I am sure she is sorry for she did. It was out of anger. Is this typical of her to be violent? Throwing things, hitting things? I know for myself I need to learn better self control and learn to stop and walk away. The problem was he was running away again and I was angered. Think twice before you file a report, once it is filed you have no control of the outcome. I am sure you do not the mother of your child in jail. I know I was completely wrong for my actions, however I will never forgive or forget what my H did to me.


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## artieb

Believe said:


> Needless to say, I ended up in handcuffs and almost was arrested for a felony. He states he just wanted to report it.


Many people don't understand that when you call the police, they are going to do what police do. If there's been violence, and the police come, somebody is going to jail. But many people think you can call the police to break up a fight, and they'll make everyone play nice, and then they'll go back to the office. It doesn't work that way. A couple weeks ago some school principal called the cops because of a food fight, and a bunch of high school kids got arrested, and the principal said he didn't expect that to happen.

So it's entirely possible your H really didn't want you arrested, he just wanted it on file. In the event something bad happens, he wants a record somewhere. People sometimes just slap another person who then backs away and stumbles and gets really hurt. "I just slapped him" means nothing if he falls and breaks his leg as a result.



> I am sure you do not the mother of your child in jail. I know I was completely wrong for my actions, however I will never forgive or forget what my H did to me.


From what I see here, you should be more worried about _apologizing_ than _forgiving_. Your situation calls for _earning_ forgiveness, not bestowing it.


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## Believe

"From what I see here, you should be more worried about apologizing than forgiving. Your situation calls for earning forgiveness, not bestowing it. "
Ha! I certainly do not owe him an apology. If you read my post maybe you would understand. Why is that all you do is reply to other people's threads without any of your own?


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## Tim

DJGuy
Funny, I was with my abusive female for 6 years before I divorced her. Have a 3 year old. It wont stop, please leave for your child's sake. GET A LAWYER and whatever you do do not tell her you are divorcing, I made that mistake. She will run down to the nearest lawyer and file asap just to be first and make all kinds of false accusations against you that you are abusive and a rapist and a control freak or whatever. This is what abusive females do and it is encouraged.

I'm so excited that you didn't take her emotional abuse. This is how domestic violence always starts, emotional/controlling abuse first, then as a last resort, they start hitting and killing. In my case, the hitting started after 3 years of emotional abuse, emotional abuse continued until the 5th year when she pushed me and punched me several times and finally raised a hammer over her head threatening me. 

Call the police, don't worry, nothing will happen to her because she is a woman. Women abusers are catered to and even encouraged. So call but do it to break the trend of men not tattling. 

Of all reported and unreported cases of abuse, men make up half, probably more so since this society doesnt recognize it, not even the male victims recognize it. Even if the male recognizes their abuse, there's so much shame and ridicule involved that they will keep quiet, not to mention the victim blame game that EVERYONE plays..."you did something to deserve it" type thing. 

Only reason I realized I was abused was thanks to a woman that witnessed it and showed me that I was no different than women victims. The fact that a woman helped me is the only reason why I'm not a misogynist now, although I do have a major trust issue.

Here are some vids 4 u

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7YqsOHnRFY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug57dOTmpmg


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## psychocandy

Has she ever been violent before? 

Also, I'm assuming she was drunk or at least been drinking?

Bottom line is - everyone makes mistakes. This could have been a one off. Not cool admitedly, but she seems to realise she made a BIG mistake.

I'm sorry but I think everyone has got a right to screw up badly ONCE.

If it happens again then completely different story...


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## sisters359

I'm pretty forgiving in the "everyone is entitled to one mistake" way, but physical violence is not a mistake--it is evidence of a total disregard for another person's rights. OP, please take action to protect yourself any your child. Get counseling--this abuse did not come out of no where and you need help figuring out why you are with someone like that.

Good luck.


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## sisters359

Believe said:


> "From what I see here, you should be more worried about apologizing than forgiving. Your situation calls for earning forgiveness, not bestowing it. "
> Ha! I certainly do not owe him an apology. If you read my post maybe you would understand. Why is that all you do is reply to other people's threads without any of your own?


Believe, you need to accept responsibility for your actions. Your h did the right thing-you became physical, he reported it. No excuses. 

You try to excuse your violence by saying you were in so much pain, but what you do not understand is that everyone feels pain at times, and yours is NO WORSE than others, yet many people would NEVER resort to hitting someone in their pain. 

When you can truly understand why your actions are totally wrong and he was in the right (for contacting the police), then you will be on your way to healing. Good luck.


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## AlexNY

Tim said:


> DJGuy
> ... whatever you do do not tell her you are divorcing, I made that mistake. She will run down to the nearest lawyer and file asap just to be first and make all kinds of false accusations against you that you are abusive and a rapist and a control freak or whatever. This is what abusive females do and it is encouraged.


I have been in two abusive relationships.

The first was a woman who became progressively more abusive over time. She wanted a dominant husband. To force me to stand up to her and "be a man" she became increasingly distant, provocative, angry, and finally violent. I responded to her escalation with appeasement and concessions. As BigBadWolf has explained endlessly, "submission" only makes this kind of woman more angry and more out of control. After our divorce, she met a dominant man who turned her life around. *Conclusion: if your wife becomes abusive and violent because she wants you to dominate her, you must either leave her or subdue her. Appeasement will only escalate the viciousness of her violence.*

The second woman used humiliation, violence, and the threat of false police accusations as a way to exert complete control over me. The violence was much more serious and it was predominantly sparked by jealousy or insecurity that I might leave the relationship. *Conclusion: if your wife wants to use violence and humiliation to control you, take action to protect yourself and your children.* This kind of sick woman knows very well that social prejudice and the legal system favours them ... this is your best weapon. It was easy for me to secretly record my ex threatening violence, threatening to fabricate false police reports, and even threatening my life. That tape made it possible for me to escape from the relationship.



> This is how domestic violence always starts emotional/controlling abuse first, then as a last resort, they start hitting and killing ... Call the police, don't worry, nothing will happen to her because she is a woman. Women abusers are catered to and even encouraged ...


You need to get over your anger. It does not hurt your ex, and it hurts you. I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful woman. The only complaint that I have about her is that she does not let me do enough of the housework (I have asked for advice about this problem many times on this board). There are wonderful women in the world. I found two abusive monsters because I was looking for them (trying to re-play a failed relationship with an alcoholic and anger-obsessed mother). The majority of women are not like this. If you meet more than one, chances are you need to find out why you are searching for nut cases.

Good luck.


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## AlexNY

Believe said:


> ... I had become enraged and started hitting ...


You show every sign of being a dangerous and psychotic abuser.



> ... My H and I are _already separated_. I was just so hurt and I did not know how to release the pain ... I have been hoping and waiting for him to _come back_ home for a year to no avail ... _The problem was he was running away again and I was angered ... _


1) Your violence is set off when your husband has the strength to turn his back to you. Abandonment and lack of control make you violent. *Violence as a form of control is the hallmark of psychotic violent men and women.*



> ... he pointed to his cheek and said go ahead hit me here ...


2) *Your husband's reaction is his way of telling you that your violence no longer has any power over him.* Women victims of abuse often do the same thing just before the overcome the oppression of their abusers. You are a sick women. Leave him alone.



> He went to the police station because apparently there is a scratch on his face ... He states he just wanted to report it. I am guessing to build a case against me for custody ... however I will never forgive or forget what my H did to me.


3)* Trivializing the pain of the victim and blaming the victim for the abuse are also signs of a deeply disturbed abuser who is living in a fantasy land of your own fabrication. * Your husband has found the strength to breath the free air and rid himself of you. God help him.



> I know for myself I need to learn better self control and learn to stop and walk away.


4) No. You control yourself very well. What you need to learn is that other people control their own lives ... you do not control their lives.


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## michzz

Alcohol was a big factor in the confrontation you two had. I know you mentioned that you see nothing wrong with going out to have a couple of drinks.

That's just it, maybe not. But sometimes things line up wrong when drunk. Your wife could have been more inebriated than yourself too.

You link her state of mind to the teasing you did of her for looking at a pregnant bar tender. Are you sure that was it? And if it was, were you aware that your wife does not like that kind of attention, the teasing?

I'm not excusing her hitting you not once, but twice. Just trying to find out what the triggering event was that got her to lose control like that.

I agree with others who say that the two of you should get marriage counseling. But I also think you ought to cut out the boozing.

Will she do this again? Has she done things like this, short of hitting you, in the past?

These are things to address.

Does this outburst make her a psychotic violent criminal. From what you write it doesn't seem so.

However, if you do stay together she's already had her pass. No further events should be tolerated--period.

Like I say, a glass of vino at dinner is ok, but getting drunk with your wife? No.


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## artieb

Believe said:


> Ha! I certainly do not owe him an apology. If you read my post maybe you would understand.


I read your post carefully, and I understand it perfectly well: you are a spoiled child in adult's body, and you had a tantrum.

You hit him. You are in the wrong. Nothing you say of any kind changes that. It is not his fault in any way: it is entirely and completely your fault. You getting arrested is entirely and completely your fault. Since you are a child, you refuse to accept the responsibility which is _entirely yours_.

You need counseling, and a lot of it, before you will be mature enough to be in a relationship or be responsible for the care of children. And you should start by saying to the counselor "I hit my husband, and he called the police, but instead of admitting it was my fault I have refused to forgive him."

I understand you very very well. My next door neighbor had a husband who was a spoiled child, and who threw tantrums once in a while, and ended up in prison for 15 years. People told him to get help, but he insisted he didn't need to get help, because nothing was ever his fault. The other guy made him mad, or said something rude, or did something else; he always had an excuse for the fights he got into or the people he hit. He never thought anything was his fault.

I hope you get the help you need before you do something you really regret. My neighbor could have gotten counseling, but he didn't, and things wound up pretty badly for him. I truly hope they don't wind up badly for you.


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## 63Vino

WOW... Stop beating around the bush artieb.

Pefectly said.


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## Believe

I do not come on this board with serious issues to be criticized and made to feel bad. I admit there is no excuse for what I did because I know I am a better person than that. It was a moment of weakness and my H leaving me with two small children is by far the most horrible thing I have been through. Worse than losing someone to death. I am not responsible for the care of my children???!! Ummm in case you forgot their father walked out on them not me. Anyone who can leave their children should not have the right to care for their children. And me a spoiled child? WTF do you know about me to be judging? As a matter of fact what gives any of you any right to judge another human being? I posted some advice for a guy who was reaching out about his wife. I wanted him to see it from a different perspective. Yes people do make mistakes!!!! As I am sure you all have also. I have never been in a physical fight in my life. I am not a physical person. But everyone has their own boiling points. Like it or not. Its reality. My H was not doing the right thing. He is trying to build a case against me so that he doesn't lose his bleeping green card. So until you know all the facts why don't you try to keep your cool and not judge people. This board is here for giving and receiving good advice and support for people who are going through some tough times. So let's keep it that way.


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## Believe

Artieb-
By the way are you on this board just to judge people? Because it appears that you do not have any threads on here addressing any of your own problems. I suggest you back off if your intentions here are not for anything positive.


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