# Having another child.



## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Are only children at a disadvantage? I used to think so but now I'm not sure. I'm debating wether to have another child. I know a sibling would benefit my almost four year old son but will that guarantee him some sort of happiness he otherwise would not have? I don't want another child but I want to do what is best for my son too. Does anyone have any opinions on being an only child?
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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Having a child you don't want is not a good idea. You almost make this potential second child sound like a pet you are considering for the well being of your existing child. Bad idea.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I would like to give a piece of advice to you (and anybody else who reads this).

DO NOT plan on having a child (or another child) UNLESS you are SURE it is what YOU want. Do not do it for a partner / prospective grandparent / peer pressure / to give a child a sibling. 

Children are the biggest commitments most of us will ever make and the decision to have them is not to be taken lightly.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Even if you got pregnant today your kids would be 5 years apart which means your son would still grow up LIKE an only child. Read up on birth orders to see what I mean.

So that means at this point it means have another child because you WANT one not for him.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

You have all supported everything I am already thinking. I was worried I was being selfish by not considering doing it for my son or husband. I agree completely that we should not have another child unless we both want one. Guess I just needed some support in the matter. Thanks !
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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

If you so not want another child then do nit have another child.

An only child is in a better situation as far as your time and resources are concerned.
They do just fine
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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Although most people who don't want another and then end up surprised by one, don't seem to have any regrets. Hmmm, I'm confusing myself again.
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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Just because people are very wary to voice regrets aloud (it's rather socially taboo to discuss it), doesn't mean that people don't have any.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

That's a good point. I suppose people make the best of the situation as that is all they can do. There are plenty if people who have abortions in cases of unplanned pregnancy. Duh! Why am I guilting myself into this.
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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

My daughter wanted a sibling when she was very little. Now she will tell you she absolutely does NOT want one! LOL 

They will learn sharing with friends and empathy from you regardless of having a sibling. Your resources will not be stretched as far so an only child can have experiences a child with siblings might not.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Even if you got pregnant today your kids would be 5 years apart which means your son would still grow up LIKE an only child. Read up on birth orders to see what I mean.


My kids are 4 years, 4.5 years and soon to be 9 years apart. I don't think they are like only kids. 

Yes, different life stages but they live a very different life from the family and friends that have an only. Less over sibling rivalry, but they do have to learn to share and spend time doing things that are for the other sibling.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> My kids are 4 years, 4.5 years and soon to be 9 years apart. I don't think they are like only kids.
> 
> Yes, different life stages but they live a very different life from the family and friends that have an only. Less over sibling rivalry, but they do have to learn to share and spend time doing things that are for the other sibling.


Do you think your kids are at an advantage over only kids?
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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Kermitty said:


> Do you think your kids are at an advantage over only kids?


Yeah, big time. But I think it is partially in having more kids and partially an attitude in parenting. Too many of the single kid families of friends and relatives are kid focused and spoiled. The one kid gets to run the show, and I could see them being incredibly narcissistic once in the real world.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Just had my son two months ago to pair up with my 19 month old daughter. 
If you are thinking of a second child...get ready. 
Lol! 
I love my kids but i swear to god my house is like this constant tornado hahah
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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

You don't have to be an only to manage to be narcissistic, if you are the "favorite." I was an only until eight. My younger half-sister was and remains the "family favorite." 

She was treated differently than me or our brother when growing up, and she has indeed grown into a very narcissistic, self-involved person, and even now, she's still kind of a major brat at 20. She screams and yells whenever things don't go her way. 

H is one of six, and the "favorite" in his family acts much the same. 

So - I'd agree, Larry.Gray that attitude from the parents makes a big difference.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Still Sounds like it is up to me what kind of child I raise. Siblings may help parents from over focusing on one child but I don't see only children being at a disadvantage.
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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Exactly! I'm just noticing that often it's the case that parents who chose to have one are the ones that let the kid run the house. 

Just because you only have one doesn't mean you have to be that way.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> You don't have to be an only to manage to be narcissistic, if you are the "favorite." I was an only until eight. My younger half-sister was and remains the "family favorite."
> 
> She was treated differently than me or our brother when growing up, and she has indeed grown into a very narcissistic, self-involved person, and even now, she's still kind of a major brat at 20. She screams and yells whenever things don't go her way.
> 
> ...


My grandparents messed up my dad and aunt big time with that. They gave my dad everything and crapped on my aunt. He became a narcissistic jerk. It took my aunt 50 years to stop trying to be the absolute best at everything to prove herself.

My parents went on and did the same with my sister. It most definitely wasn't in her best interest.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

naga75 said:


> Just had my son two months ago to pair up with my 19 month old daughter.
> If you are thinking of a second child...get ready.
> Lol!
> I love my kids but i swear to god my house is like this constant tornado hahah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

I know that feeling my wife and I have 5 kids so there is always something that needs doing or someone who needs to be somewhere.

I love the fact that my children are learning to share (things and parents time), to help each other, to see other peoples point of view. Yes having a big family does mean that they do not get all the material possessions that they would have had if they were from a smaller family but surely learning by example how to live within your means is a life skill we all need.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Certainly each family has its pros and cons. I don't believe one is right over the other. A kid can be just as messed up coming from a big family or being an only child if the parents don't have their heads in straight. My concern was worrying that not having another child just because I don't want one was not a good enough reason. That perhaps my son having a sibling was more important than what I felt. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts as I realize that not doing this for my son is not a disservice to him and not something I should force myself into.
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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: Having another child.*



Kermitty said:


> Although most people who don't want another and then end up surprised by one, don't seem to have any regrets. Hmmm, I'm confusing myself again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This was me for all 5 of mine. None were planned, all are loved and wanted.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

CantePe said:


> This was me for all 5 of mine. None were planned, all are loved and wanted.


Five that weren't planned?? That's pretty amazing.
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