# Update to original post



## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

So last night before we went to bed I thought I would try talk to my wife regarding the night I first lost my mind and sat up and asked if she was masturbating and again she massively denied that she did anything and then it was so I don't belive her etc I belive is normal the man's fault and it's all in my head. I see if she's up for doing stuff and she wasn't like normal. 
Any way roll on few hours I walk the dog then I go to bed she is already there as she went up before me and when I get into bed she is on her phone in bed so I get mine and play a quick game of cards then put it on side n lay down to go to sleep. She on the other side rolls to face other way from me and I can see light of her phone so she's on it still, around 20 mins later am still awake and her breathing get heavy while there still a light from her phone again her breathing and body to me was that she was masturbating again but on her phone this time so I didn't do anything thought I wait till she gets to certain point when she can't denie it if I catch her. So it's half hour in lights still coming from her phone and it seems like she has rested it on bedside table n then laying down facing it again sounds to say she was masturbating. She puts her phone down finally n rolls over covering her mouth with the dovet and shortly after more sounds and am positive the bed was moving time to time like from thrusting or rotations. I was awake for over a hour while she was on off making sounds and bed moving but not once I was able to get what I wanted and when I hinted that I was awake she stopped for 5/10 mins before starting again safe to say I had around 5 hours sleep as I fell asleep before I was able to see her "get off" and I have learnt women lie i can't not stay awake she finishes and I have to talk to her again and try get to end of this so I can get my life to normal


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

my first question is who was she taking too? or looking at on the phone? that is very brazen to do it in bed with you there .


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

1. Keep all your posts in a single thread. Much easier for everyone to follow your situation and give you helpful advice if they can see the whole story in one place.

2. File for divorce. If your wife is masturbating in bed right next to you, and when you ask her about it, she denies she is doing it, then you don't have any hope of success through talking to her. Plus, she has no respect for you. When a woman has no respect for a man, she has no sexual attraction either.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> my first question is who was she taking too? or looking at on the phone? that is very brazen to do it in bed with you there .


That's what am not sure about who's shes talking to I know she made new friends and is active on some Facebook groups with these people and is really into the kpop group bts so there few people he could be talking to but I have no idea. Could of being videos of the members they All in their 20s and are "fit" dancers etc but I have no idea and yea I think it is bizarre


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear Mr. Mrdubstar24;

The next time it happens, you might want to either choose path A or B.

A. Darling, I would be happy to help you with that as I enjoy the closeness it brings to us.

B. Darling, I find myself quite aroused, do you might if I relieve myself of some sexual tension after listening to you.


Seriously, tell her you love her. Tell her you won't judge her. Tell her you want to be there to support her and that you don't feel that self pleasuring is wrong or unlady-like.

Good luck. You could even suggest some counseling with a sex therapist and marriage counselor.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Aren't we all over-thinking this just a wee bit? Isn't the obvious answer "exposure"? He's awake, she's oblivious to that fact, just going at it, doing something she swears to him she doesn't do. What's so hard about literal exposure? Whip off the sheets? She can't react fast enough to recover, as it were.

I'm guessing the phone thing is porn, not an EA or PA, because if she was so brazen she'd do that in bed, with her husband, I suspect there are many other wrong things in this marriage that would be worthy of splitting up. I mean really, if she believes her husband is asleep, why wouldn't she sneak off to the bathroom, or any other room in the house, where she could get off without having to smother herself with a pillow?


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Holdingontoit said:


> 1. Keep all your posts in a single thread. Much easier for everyone to follow your situation and give you helpful advice if they can see the whole story in one place.
> 
> 2. File for divorce. If your wife is masturbating in bed right next to you, and when you ask her about it, she denies she is doing it, then you don't have any hope of success through talking to her. Plus, she has no respect for you. When a woman has no respect for a man, she has no sexual attraction either.


okay just seen this sorry for late reply and that was a harsh truth but needed to hear what every one else thinks, I really find it hard as I was not much of a long term kind of guy I was a twat when I was younger and went to any girl offering it before I met her so this is my only long term relationship and if she dont find me attractive any more why not I haven't gained weight or changed much there then stopping smoking years ago. I work out abit so I dont look like the rock but I am fit how can she have no attraction anymore she gained weight since being pregnant but I still find her attractive.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear Mr. Mrdubstar24;
> 
> The next time it happens, you might want to either choose path A or B.
> 
> ...


I would seek marriage counselling but no idea how she react but I should have to say I wont judge her I never have I love her for who she is she should know I would never judge her.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> Aren't we all over-thinking this just a wee bit? Isn't the obvious answer "exposure"? He's awake, she's oblivious to that fact, just going at it, doing something she swears to him she doesn't do. What's so hard about literal exposure? Whip off the sheets? She can't react fast enough to recover, as it were.
> 
> I'm guessing the phone thing is porn, not an EA or PA, because if she was so brazen she'd do that in bed, with her husband, I suspect there are many other wrong things in this marriage that would be worthy of splitting up. I mean really, if she believes her husband is asleep, why wouldn't she sneak off to the bathroom, or any other room in the house, where she could get off without having to smother herself with a pillow?


okay that's a rather simple idea but you know more I read it more it sounds really good idea.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> The next time it happens, you might want to either choose path A or B.
> 
> A. Darling, I would be happy to help you with that as I enjoy the closeness it brings to us.
> 
> B. Darling, I find myself quite aroused, do you might if I relieve myself of some sexual tension after listening to you.


LOL. How sweet. Someone put on the Disney channel. 

OP - do yourself a favor. You sound horribly passive and afraid of your wife. Download *"No More Mr. Nice Guy" *and read it a few times until you become a confident man who isn't afraid of his own shadow and or to take care of business at home. 

Do it today.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL. How sweet. Someone put on the Disney channel.
> 
> OP - do yourself a favor. You sound horribly passive and afraid of your wife. Download *"No More Mr. Nice Guy" *and read it a few times until you become a confident man who isn't afraid of his own shadow and or to take care of business at home.
> 
> Do it today.


haha that made me laugh but I probs will read that lol


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And just reach in and start rubbing where you'd like on her, and just join in helping her.

No warning just perhaps reach in to her nether region. Not timidly either. If she stops, just continue, and tell her to keep on too, because you think it's hot.

Positive reinforcement at all times. Even if she starts with argumentative words, kindly repeat darlin let's argue later if you want, right now just keep going.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And just reach in and start rubbing where you'd like on her, and just join in helping her.
> 
> No warning just perhaps reach in to her nether region. Not timidly either. If she stops, just continue, and tell her to keep on too, because you think it's hot.
> 
> Positive reinforcement at all times. Even if she starts with argumentative words, kindly repeat darlin let's argue later if you want, right now just keep going.


That is* bad* advice.

You don't just plunge your hand into someone's genitals with no warning and then 'sweet talk' them into *accepting* it when they start to protest. Is this post some kind of freakin' JOKE?


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And just reach in and start rubbing where you'd like on her, and just join in helping her.
> 
> No warning just perhaps reach in to her nether region. Not timidly either. If she stops, just continue, and tell her to keep on too, because you think it's hot.
> 
> Positive reinforcement at all times. Even if she starts with argumentative words, kindly repeat darlin let's argue later if you want, right now just keep going.


and that's to far for me lol


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That is* bad* advice.
> 
> You don't just plunge your hand into someone's genitals with no warning and then 'sweet talk' them into *accepting* it when they start to protest. Is this post some kind of freakin' JOKE?


I am here for advise but i wont do them all that is one i wont do.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> and that's to far for me lol


I get you, perhaps it's bold. But you can do it.

The thing is you two are married. These things a H and W are supposed to talk about. 

Hang in there. Remember, you're trying to help the relationship. Not being content to build walls.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That is* bad* advice.
> 
> You don't just plunge your hand into someone's genitals with no warning and then 'sweet talk' them into *accepting* it when they start to protest. Is this post some kind of freakin' JOKE?


Oh please.

The Joker.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

The worst thing you could possible do is to roll over and go to sleep then stew In anger. You are her husband. Speak up and have sex with her. That’s what your there for.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> The worst thing you could possible do is to roll over and go to sleep then stew In anger. You are her husband. Speak up and have sex with her. That’s what your there for.


That's what I'm sayin'!!

You are her husband. To lay there and stew is the worst thing.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That's what I'm sayin'!!
> 
> 
> 
> You are her husband. To lay there and stew is the worst thing.




I think that a lot of people do this. We just need to change our mentality and realize that we ARE entitled to be treated a certain way, and she have every right to speak up and do something about it.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I have spent pretty close to the entirety of our marriage rolling over and stewing. Except now I never even try, so there is no rolling over. Just endless stewing.

It is DEFINITELY the worst thing a spouse can do. Allow the stone-waller to get away with hiding behind a wall. Tear down th wall. Free the truth. The truth may be that you are not sexually compatible. And that may mean you are not maritally compatible. The sooner you find that out, the better. There is never a better time than RIGHT NOW to find out that your marriage is doomed to be unhappy.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> I would seek marriage counselling but no idea how she react but I should have to say I wont judge her I never have I love her for who she is she should know I would never judge her.


If she is willing to lie to your face about masturbating in bed, when you are right there watching her do it, then you have little to no hope that marriage counselling will work for you guys. MC requires both parties to admit the truth. Pretty clear she is not going to admit the truth. Save yourself the money and months or years of listening to her lie through her teeth. The only thing that MC would do for you is drive you to be even more frustrated and resentful as you spend money for the privilege of having a 3rd party listen to her lie.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That's what I'm sayin'!!
> 
> You are her husband. To lay there and stew is the worst thing.


No, the worst thing is to be accused of marital rape.

For some reason, he is unwilling to have the hard conversation. Forget about her masturbating - she isn't having sex with you and that is what you need to talk about. Who cares what she is doing on her phone? What she isn't doing is your concern. The whys may or may not come out. Does it matter? Only if he lives in a state that any infidelity would come in to play in a divorce.

"Wife, we're not having sex and I did not sign up to be a roommate".


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

lot responses and big difference in responses I appreciate all your thoughts glad I joined. i am starting to agree with @Holdingontoit and mc may not be worth the time money or effort if she lying now why would she tell truth there so i agree to that but i cant just put my hand there n say lets do it even if am married to her. coz if she dont say yes to sex its rape and i wont be going to jail for that.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> lot responses and big difference in responses I appreciate all your thoughts glad I joined. i am starting to agree with @Holdingontoit and mc may not be worth the time money or effort if she lying now why would she tell truth there so i agree to that but i cant just put my hand there n say lets do it even if am married to her. coz if she dont say yes to sex its rape and i wont be going to jail for that.




Soooo basically your not going to do anything?


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

I suggest he kick her out of the room and tell her to sleep somewhere else until she is ready to be truthful.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Soooo basically your not going to do anything?


no i am doing something talking to her about us and i am investigating by recording voice at night for now


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> Girl_power said:
> 
> 
> > Soooo basically your not going to do anything?
> ...


You are going to make night recordings? Why? What the **** is there to investigate?

You are focusing on the wrong things. You already tried talking to her about masturbating in bed next to you after refusing sex with you. She lied and started a huge fight. You already have all of the information you need. You know she's not interested in sex with her husband, masturbates right next to you in bed! and lies about it.

There's nothing more you need to investigate. Make a plan with the information you have.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Just to understand,

so you're going to record her masturbating, then ask her later to get her to deny, then you're going to whip out the recording and go "aha! I gotcha, here, listen to it" ??

That's a bit more deviousness and strange, than just reaching over and touching someone about 2ft away laying next you you in bed, when she's doing it and asking hey can I help.

I mean you two are married.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Just to understand,
> 
> so you're going to record her masturbating, then ask her later to get her to deny, then you're going to whip out the recording and go "aha! I gotcha, here, listen to it" ??
> 
> ...


yeah i see what you mean but if i reach over and touch her and she isn't masturbating it wont go well, what if she had wet dream the times i heard her or even worse its just my head playing tricks n me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> yeah i see what you mean but if i reach over and touch her and she isn't masturbating it wont go well, what if she had wet dream the times i heard her or even worse its just my head playing tricks n me.




When you think you hear her... just roll over towards her and gently put your arms around here and say... what are you watching? In a sleepy curious tone. If it’s porn, continue touching her stomach or whatever and be like can I join? If it isn’t porn then just play it off like your just cuddling and sleeping.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

You mentioned her looking at her phone during all of this right? People don't dream and use their phones.

You also mentioned the bed moving or feeling motion, again, people don't really sleep masturbate if they are having a wet dream.

There is something called sexapnea, but it is pretty uncommon and doubtful what is going on here.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Livvie said:


> You are going to make night recordings? Why? What the **** is there to investigate?
> 
> You are focusing on the wrong things. You already tried talking to her about masturbating in bed next to you after refusing sex with you. She lied and started a huge fight. You already have all of the information you need. You know she's not interested in sex with her husband, masturbates right next to you in bed! and lies about it.
> 
> There's nothing more you need to investigate. Make a plan with the information you have.


Yes thank you for saying this... 

OP do you realize that your recording and "catching her" is completely and totally insane. Why... 

You are married to a woman that is not sexually attracted to you for whatever reason. Is she having an affair, maybe who knows? Deep into some nasty porn, maybe who knows? 

But what you do know is she is not in love with you and does not want to have sex with you... 

What else do you really want to know to start divorce proceedings?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

When was the last time you guys had sex?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Girl_power said:


> When was the last time you guys had sex?


I have a funny feeling that the last time she had sex is a lot more recent than the last time he had sex.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

This is why you keep posting in the same thread, people cannot give you contextual based advice without all of the details.

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/438763-spyware-wifes-phone.html




Mrdubstar24 said:


> hi well our sex life went down hill after one year or two but recently its gotten less often then normally, she's on her phone most of day and its about a week ago I didn't fall asleep like normally and I was and still am sure she was masturbating she has denied it when I asked her but since that night I have struggled sleeping and on multiple nights since the first time I have heard her so I now have doubts like is she no having sex with me and just masturbates or is she having sex with someone else and masturbates at night thinking of them. and its al gathered up from that one night and its just building up more and more.


 He needs to narrow his focus. He is focused on the right thing, why is their sex life going down the tubes.

Is it attractiveness, overuse of porn or another man? OP needs to figure out which one he wants to chase and quit hiding.

I think she may be cheating with the fight, phone use, refusal of sex and the extreme drop above.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

hi all so answer few posts so i think we had sex last nearly two weeks ago and she didn't get into and i tried to get her into it and for her to climax but she get to point where she says its not happening just get it over with. we have sex but not often and now she dont enjoy it and will say we will do stuff then changes her mind because she's tired or our son wasn't behaved so she not in mood or had **** day at work (only works 4 hours a day btw i work between 11/8 hours a day). and it was one of those nights when she changed her mind and i heard her first time.

starting to think i haven't worded any of this very well so sorry if i haven't.

i want to know why our relationship has changed so much and if i can save it. i feel that i haven't came across that way but i want to save it not divorce her, i know recording sound at night is nuts and stupid but i have got to that instead of a lot of ideas people have said i thinks its a middle ground and if i think it will help me i will do as i can figure out if its in my head or wet dream or even her masturbating. and if its wet dreams i can try sleep better as she cant help it and if its her masturbating we have to talk about where our marriage is going, every one is different and every situation is different.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> This is why you keep posting in the same thread, people cannot give you contextual based advice without all of the details.
> 
> https://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/438763-spyware-wifes-phone.html
> 
> ...




I disagree. What do you think that video recording is actually going to show? Nothing. 

The OP is not worried about his wife cheating, he is worried about her porn use and masterbating. 

I don’t understand why everything has to be so sneaky and passive. If your laying in bed together and you hear something and see her on her phone, why not roll over and ask her? That seems like the normal sane thing to do.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> yeah i see what you mean but if i reach over and touch her and she isn't masturbating it wont go well, what if she had wet dream the times i heard her or even worse its just my head playing tricks n me.


Sir, if you definitely watched her doing it when she was watching her phone and from your post on that, the statement was clear you had no doubt she was doing it and awake.

Kindly you've got to pick an instance and make progress or let it go.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Sir, if you definitely watched her doing it when she was watching her phone and from your post on that, the statement was clear you had no doubt she was doing it and awake.
> 
> Kindly you've got to pick an instance and make progress or let it go.


yea the thing is she was on her side face away from me so i could see her face etc but could see light from her phone and then noises and the bed was moving time to time then she put her phone donw and the noises came and went like she was doing it and when she got 2 loud or move to much she eased up so i didn't wake up.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> yea the thing is she was on her side face away from me so i could see her face etc but could see light from her phone and then noises and the bed was moving time to time then she put her phone donw and the noises came and went like she was doing it and when she got 2 loud or move to much she eased up so i didn't wake up.


And what does this mean? It's written "she was definitely masturbating but I wouldn't tap her lightly and ask if I can help".


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And what does this mean? It's written "she was definitely masturbating but I wouldn't tap her lightly and ask if I can help".


yes am positive she was but i didn't see her phone or see if her hand was down there that's all i ment mate


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> yes am positive she was but i didn't see her phone or see if her hand was down there that's all i ment mate




Who cares. It’s so hard to catch someone when their hand is actually in the cookie jar (pun Intended). 

A bigger problem I see right now is that you are afraid of your wife. When you think she is masterbating in bed with you, reach over and snuggle her and ask her if she wants to have sex. If she gets mad at you who cares, that’s your wife. If she asks you what you think you are doing say, I’m trying to have sex with my wife.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I disagree. What do you think that video recording is actually going to show? Nothing.
> 
> The OP is not worried about his wife cheating, he is worried about her porn use and masterbating.


He’s worried about the lack of sex and I gave three reasons why, not just cheating. I said he needs to pick one as his focus. 

So, if it is masturbation he needs to confront her and find out what is wrong.
If it is cheating, he needs to investigate quietly.
If it is porn addiction he needs to confront again.


All of them will require help, but chasing three has got him secretly recording and getting into fights. Also, it has him questioning who she is talking to and “worried about his wife cheating.” 



Mrdubstar24 said:


> so have doubts and that and seen a lot of spyware applications I can pay for that gives me access to her phone see if she is cheating not just what I think she's doing, I am in 2 minds with it I love to get peace of mind but also its so wrong to pay around 40 upwards for a app just for doubts that may be nothing, Massive risk in paying for it and getting on her phone and then doing it is again massive mis trust thing and bad to do I know this buut I am tempted to try but I dont earn loads any one on here done something like this to see if there other half has cheated or is cheating??
> nay one know of any treid and tested app like these spy bots to get peace of mind or is it just wrong to-do it ??


I took his words and fears from his other thread and then I provided the link to explain why the advice he is getting is wildly different.

What’s funny is you didn’t say anything different, you focused on one area. I told him to quit hiding and you just told him the same thing in a few more posts.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

You need to get more methodical about this. If she's cheating, and there are red flags, how you handle it should be different than how you handle the other two possibilities. So start there and investigate. You're going to continue getting contradictory advice until we know what's actually going on.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Nucking Futs said:


> You need to get more methodical about this. If she's cheating, and there are red flags, how you handle it should be different than how you handle the other two possibilities. So start there and investigate. You're going to continue getting contradictory advice until we know what's actually going on.


okay thanks I will post when I have done more


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> okay thanks I will post when I have done more


I'm not telling you not to post, you need to be able to get stuff off your chest without giving it away to your wife. Just don't get into it with her until you know what you need to talk about. And no matter what you find, don't confront her until you check in here. Lots of experienced folks here that are not emotionally involved and that distance and experience can help keep you from making mistakes.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Nucking Futs said:


> Mrdubstar24 said:
> 
> 
> > okay thanks I will post when I have done more
> ...


Oh okay thanks mate u have made any progress I tried the just reach over n put arm on her but that didn't go well she has dovet pull down infront her so when I put my arm there she feels dovet move n can pull arm out, but I acted asleep and she kinda left it n mentioned it today say I reach out to see where her hands was and said they was by her thighs not touching herself so I said sorry didn't remember doing it and she okay with that as I was asleep when I did it but again noises and small movements from her last night hence I tried to put my arm over her. If she was asleep she would not of moved as fast or sat up. I will try again tonight if I hear her.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Mrdubstar24 said:


> Oh okay thanks mate u have made any progress I tried the just reach over n put arm on her but that didn't go well she has dovet pull down infront her so when I put my arm there she feels dovet move n can pull arm out, but I acted asleep and she kinda left it n mentioned it today say I reach out to see where her hands was and said they was by her thighs not touching herself so I said sorry didn't remember doing it and she okay with that as I was asleep when I did it but again noises and small movements from her last night hence I tried to put my arm over her. If she was asleep she would not of moved as fast or sat up. *I will try again tonight if I hear her.*


No, don't do _anything_ until you've ruled out infidelity. Lull her back into security by thinking you touched her in your sleep last night, don't do it again tonight to try to catch her masturbating. Don't talk to her about it, just let it go while you investigate. If she knows you're trying to catch her she'll either stop or take it deep underground.

What are you doing to investigate?


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Nucking Futs said:


> No, don't do _anything_ until you've ruled out infidelity. Lull her back into security by thinking you touched her in your sleep last night, don't do it again tonight to try to catch her masturbating. Don't talk to her about it, just let it go while you investigate. If she knows you're trying to catch her she'll either stop or take it deep underground.
> 
> What are you doing to investigate?


okay mate I get what you mean I did hear her again last night and bed was rocking slightly and I didn't touch her but I did place my hand over her and over the duvet and I am 100% felt movement like she was touching her self and other then that I was trying to get more physical proof that I could show her when I talked to her about it but so far I just have faded sounds from voice recordings I have on multiple nights. I also had slight look at her phone without her knowing I was looking but she must of noticed I had moved as she had something open n then closed what ever it was down before I could see.
so tonight I leave her alone.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

and I want to investigate with proof that she is masturbating or just having wet dreams and if its masturbating I will go deeper see if its more then just her masturbating.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wet dreams don't involve a phone.

What happens if you get 'proof' that she is masturbating? What are you going to do about it? Even if you convince her that her masturbating is bad for the marriage doesn't mean she will want to have sex with you..*.because *, she doesn't want to have sex with you. 

Masturbating means she is preferring solo sex over sex with you. Whether she is masturbating to porn, other video content, music, romance novels or an online lover, she isn't having sex with *you*. That is your problem. Period.


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## Mrdubstar24 (Jan 18, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Wet dreams don't involve a phone.
> 
> What happens if you get 'proof' that she is masturbating? What are you going to do about it? Even if you convince her that her masturbating is bad for the marriage doesn't mean she will want to have sex with you..*.because *, she doesn't want to have sex with you.
> 
> Masturbating means she is preferring solo sex over sex with you. Whether she is masturbating to porn, other video content, music, romance novels or an online lover, she isn't having sex with *you*. That is your problem. Period.


I would like to know exactly what going on so I can make my decision on facts, I wont deforce her with out knowing the truth. if I am to leave her I want to be happy I know I was faithful and tried to save our marriage.


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