# The Big "O"



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

This one is a bit provocative and I'll be interested to see what the ladies have to say on it. The questions is "who is responsible for the woman's orgasm?" More specifically, if the woman can only orgasm in one position or requires an hour of very specific attention to get there, is that required for every session to prevent it from being unfair?


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## KMDillon (Apr 13, 2009)

This is a good question and I'm curious what others will say. All I know is I spent too long feeling it was too selfish to expect that kind of attention everytime. But it led to feelings of resentment that my man got fully satisfied much more than I did. I think a good resolution is to bring in a toy to help things along. But, ultimately, women need to take responsibility for communicating their needs. I wasted too much time waiting for my fiancé to read my mind.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

KMDillon said:


> I wasted too much time waiting for my fiancé to read my mind.


You are one of many women who expect men to be able to read their mind.

However, you are one of the few who finally realized that will never happen .

CG to you!


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I think both are responsible to an extent. But an hour??? Seriously??? So in my room with my husband....heres my favorite way for it to work. We make love...missionary, cowboy, however...a fair amount of foreplay to start with most times....if I don't orgasm with him, I ask him to finish me by going down on me. We have experimented enough, and I am more then willing to share what I want at that given moment....that I orgasm very quickly and we are both satisfied.

I think that communication and experimentation are key to great sex. Both partners need to be able to share there likes and dislikes and what they want on any particular day. What works one day for me won't always work the next day, but might the following day! lol Bottom line is....I tell him what I want that day....and most times he is more than willing!:smthumbup: And vice versa of course...I keep him well pleased too.


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## TheLuckiest08 (Jun 2, 2008)

"responsibility" makes it sound like a chore! I think if the guy really respects your needs he will do what he has to do (positions, etc) to get you your "big O." I can only get mine in one position, which doesn't happen to be my husband's favorite, but he's more than willing to do it since that's what it takes for me


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Thanks for the responses to this topic. I guess what I'm after is if there is only one way for the woman to "get there" does that have to be included everytime or is there some reason why she wouldn't reach down and make sure she gets what she needs while other things are going on?


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## TheLuckiest08 (Jun 2, 2008)

Shoto1984 said:


> Thanks for the responses to this topic. I guess what I'm after is if there is only one way for the woman to "get there" does that have to be included everytime or is there some reason why she wouldn't reach down and make sure she gets what she needs while other things are going on?


I would say yes, it does need to be included every time. If she had to "reach down and make sure she gets what she needs" then what does she need you for? She can do that on her own time, if you know what I mean. The woman IS partially responsible for her own 'O' (such as communicating what she wants) but the guy should be doing everything he can to get her there! Besides, if a guy doesn't make the effort to do that, why would she want to keep having sex with him?! 

If you're not doing what she needs, that's going to discourage her from having sex with you over time. Is that worth it?


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## peaches (Apr 26, 2009)

TheLuckiest08 said:


> I would say yes, it does need to be included every time. If she had to "reach down and make sure she gets what she needs" then what does she need you for? She can do that on her own time, if you know what I mean. The woman IS partially responsible for her own 'O' (such as communicating what she wants) but the guy should be doing everything he can to get her there! Besides, if a guy doesn't make the effort to do that, why would she want to keep having sex with him?!
> 
> If you're not doing what she needs, that's going to discourage her from having sex with you over time. Is that worth it?



Totally agree! 
Would the guy want to reach down and take care of himself while he's say-going down on her? Well maybe for a second but he probably wouldn't want to finish that way. 
Personally, I don't want to O every time-it takes too much out of me--exhausting (in a good way). But if my husband is initiating sex he should be prepared to 'take care of me ' if I wanted to.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

I always make sure she is taken care of before I get mine. But understand that the reason I KNOW how to do that is because she COMMUNICATED IT.

So yes, as with everything, it is a joint effort. I'll do it, but she has to tell me. Those who are enlightened enough to get over the "if I have to TELL him it means he doesn't know me" fallacy will open the door for a very happy relationship and a LOT of mutual satisfaction.


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## KathiOH1 (Apr 18, 2009)

Sex is for gratification, but intimacy is an expression of love. Any man who wants to show love will do his best to please his partner. There are no rules on how things should be done... but there should be a willingness to do what it takes. Sometimes, just the pressure of being expected to "enjoy" quickly can prevent a woman from truly engaging.

If a man believes he shouldn't be expected to please a woman every time, then he should also be willing to please sometimes without receiving. Kinda puts things in perspective, huh?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I guess its about communicatuion to each other ... but having said that i know its something i really struggle with and im sure lots of other people do to ..Ive spent many hours wanting to say i want to make love to you right now !! and i havent been able to .
but id say take time with foreplay slow massarges for both really relax and enjoy each other


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

Yes, every time, or the resentment will grow. How selfish is it NOT to want her to have hers? And if she has to be responsible for it, why bother with YOU? Geez, it's that type of attitude that led me to leave my husband (among other things). I've never been happier! 

Definitely introduce some variety into the lovemaking and see if there is another way that things will work. Turn the time together into exploration and satisfaction. It shouldn't be approached as a "requirement." Talk about a turn off!! And nothing is more defeating than an obvious "hurry up already!" attitude!


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

A good lover makes sure his or her partner is totally satisfied. With or without an O. Everytime? nah, neither partner need that every time, but make sure the overall feeling is one of "mmmmm.... yes!"


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

Usually pleasing the woman.. makes it better sex for the man.. at least thats what I hear.. of course I've been married for 13 years and had one orgasm with him in that time lol I'm a pro faker at this point


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In general, if you ask a man about his most amazing sexual experience, he'll describe a time when he drove his partner absolutely wild.

If you ask a woman, she'll describe a time when her partner drove her absolutely wild.

Fair...probably not. But as a man, if you want great sex...she comes first. So yes...if she wants an orgasm, as a man, pour your whole being into helping her get there.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

KathiOH1 said:


> Sex is for gratification, but intimacy is an expression of love. Any man who wants to show love will do his best to please his partner. There are no rules on how things should be done... but there should be a willingness to do what it takes. Sometimes, just the pressure of being expected to "enjoy" quickly can prevent a woman from truly engaging.
> 
> If a man believes he shouldn't be expected to please a woman every time, then he should also be willing to please sometimes without receiving. Kinda puts things in perspective, huh?


Sometimes it's nice to not worry about yourself and say "Honey, this one's for you". I'll happily spend an evening focused on her pleasure with no expectation of getting mine that night, knowing that at some point our roles will be reversed.

(Or at least I would...but that's a different thread topic altogether *sigh*)


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> In general, if you ask a man about his most amazing sexual experience, he'll describe a time when he drove his partner absolutely wild.
> 
> If you ask a woman, she'll describe a time when her partner drove her absolutely wild.
> 
> Fair...probably not. But as a man, if you want great sex...she comes first. So yes...if she wants an orgasm, as a man, pour your whole being into helping her get there.


I think this deserves a post of its own, so I'm going to start one!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Except on very rare occasions (when she might have just wanted to do me just because), I always make sure she orgasms first. And often. And hard. And as many ways as I can reach. 

I don't want her exhausted, but feeling REAL good by the time I'm to get mine. 

After that, it gets real fun!


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