# I have the papers ready to go but....



## SouthernB (Sep 29, 2011)

I am questioning if I am making the right choice. Here is a fast re-cap of my situation. My husband and I were together 5 years total and only married 6 months when we separated. We had our ups and downs, and towards the separation more downs than ups. Both of us are to blame, he lacked the ability to have priorities (the home, his wife, work .etc,) and this caused me to have to take on most if not ALL chours in the house and anything else. I felt like his mom more than his wife. In return I became a resentful B!tc* and nagged the ever living heck out of him ( I even got tired of hearing myself!) After finding out he cheated with a close friend of mine I left him. We have a son together and he was only 6 weeks old when I left. I thought about all the factors in this, especially about our son, and came to the conslusion the environment was unhealthy for our son. 

When we separated he had just been fired from his job. We both left the house we were renting, I got an apartment and he moved in with him mom. At the time we had two cars, an SUV and a truck. I took the SUV he took the truck, I made the payments on both of them. The only reason why I left him the truck, which was mine before marriage, was so he could find a job. I gave it alot of thought and decided not to file for child support because he had alot to lose, Volunteer firefighter and a marine reserve, I did not want to see him go to jail and lose everything I had watched him build for hisself. Everyone tried to talk me out of not filing but thats the way my heart is. So I thought ill just manage the financial stress for a month or two. It took him not 1.....not 2....but 9 MONTHS to find a job. He would call me and tell me "oh i applied here, here and here" once or twice a week. I began to realize he was full of it and had my own ways into checking these claims. So I did and they were false. I ended having to sale the truck because I could not afford both payments any longer. At this point with no car his mom said he could borrow hers everyday until he finds a job. One day the baby was sick and I called to let his father know what the doctor said. This was about 2pm, he was STILL sleeping. Fed up with it I asked him If he could watch the baby while I went top work during the week instead of me paying $175 for daycare a week since he was not doing any job hunting. He said no. He could not grasp the concept of what I was going through.My mom helped me out as much as she could but she also has a child to raise. I would go days with eating one (sometimes two) meals a day, JUST to make sure, I had enough money for our son's needs. I tried and tried and tried to keep the apartment for us as it was the nicest cheapest, apratment in a good town. I even got a second job working 6pm-11pm right after my 7am-5pm job, I was too exhausted to keep it for more than a month. I ended up getting evicted because I just couldnt afford it anymore, now I have had to move to a REALLY bad area and live about an hour from any friends or family. I just now started to get payments of $200 a MONTH. Here is the thing tho, he still has no car, he has a company car but can not use it for personal as it is a body van. So every other weekend I take my son to his dad so he can see him. I drive 99 miles there and back 4 times a weekend and in a month spend $130, thats child support right there. $60 of that $200 goes toward the $1,000 I spent a month on our son. 

I know I could have avoided this by filing for support in the first place and been more of a evil B!tc*, but I could not live with myself if it would have ruined his "career". 


This is only a part of what had occured but I do not want to make this too long. SO here is where I am stuck. I have these papers ready to go, he has no idea I am about to file but i feel he might have noticed my increasing fustration with him.I am ready to do this, or so i thought. He called me yesterday and said he really wanted to work things out. In my heart I miss him and love him still BUT his selfishness has hurt me so deaply and while I thought I felt all the hurt I ever good when he cheated I was wrong. I never felt so much hurt in my life from everything I have gone through this past year. I do take claim for the pain I brought on because I chose not to file. When he called and told me he wanted to work things out, I asked him why. He said because he loved me. 

I feel like he may have an idea I am on the verge of filing and may be doing this to benefit hisself only. I am pulled on to file for divorce or not!! Has anyone else gone through this being "pulled"? Any advice on how to get through it? Thanks in advanced!


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