# Filed a restraining order, should I add separation papers to it?



## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

Today I went to the courthouse after 3 years of marriage and filed a restraining order. Last night one of our neighbors called the police on my husband because he stole her bag of clothes and threatened her with a pocket knife. There are more details than that (possible cheating), but that's all I'll get into.

The police brought my husband home after I went with him to the woman's house because he told me she stole $5.00 from him. 

Our marriage has been hell. He cheated on me, I cheated on him (I confessed to him about cheating tonight after filing the RO), and here we are now.

Should I go ahead and file the separation papers? They weren't at the courthouse I have to print them on my own. My husband said it's up to me what I want to do next. I have no idea what my next move should be. I feel like cancelling the RO which I know would be stupid.

Please any advice is needed.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

So... you are considering filing for separation, but also thinking about canceling the RO? Aren't those basically opposite approaches?

If he doesn't care which direction the marriage goes, down or up, and you've reached the point of filing restraining orders, cheating on each other, getting arrested over petty theft, wowza. I don't see much hope there.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There must be some other stuff that justified a RO as well, no?

Personally, I couldn't handle that much drama in my life on a regular basis. But maybe that's just me?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

as is often the case on TAM, we are provided with sketchy information and asked to opine about making a significant life changing decision. Based on what has been provided your husband sounds like an immature jerk but you don't sound far behind. 
Maybe the two of you deserve each other and the mess you seem to be making of your lives. In which case, drop the RO and I predict in a month you will be back on TAM with a new horror story of bad behavior to tell.
Or take control of yourself and your life and make some changes that include filing for separation and moving right into dissolution or divorce.
Or throw out a few more tidbits of the sordid story you allude to and let this thread run on people try to respond based on limited information.
Your choice.


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## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

cdbaker said:


> So... you are considering filing for separation, but also thinking about canceling the RO? Aren't those basically opposite approaches?
> 
> If he doesn't care which direction the marriage goes, down or up, and you've reached the point of filing restraining orders, cheating on each other, getting arrested over petty theft, wowza. I don't see much hope there.


I went through with the temporary RO and it was granted yesterday by the judge.

I'll be filing the separation papers sometime next week or in the near future. I can't live like this anymore. I was just scared yesterday, but now I feel better about my decision to move on.


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## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

PBear said:


> There must be some other stuff that justified a RO as well, no?
> 
> Personally, I couldn't handle that much drama in my life on a regular basis. But maybe that's just me?
> 
> ...


My husband and I have gone back and forth like this since the end of 2011. Each year it's been progressively worse. I provided the courts with some of the dates from when I had to call the police on my husband and that was enough for the temporary restraining order to be granted.

I can't handle the drama anymore and that's why I'm taking these steps to get out of it.


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## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

Maneo said:


> as is often the case on TAM, we are provided with sketchy information and asked to opine about making a significant life changing decision. Based on what has been provided your husband sounds like an immature jerk but you don't sound far behind.
> Maybe the two of you deserve each other and the mess you seem to be making of your lives. In which case, drop the RO and I predict in a month you will be back on TAM with a new horror story of bad behavior to tell.
> Or take control of yourself and your life and make some changes that include filing for separation and moving right into dissolution or divorce.
> Or throw out a few more tidbits of the sordid story you allude to and let this thread run on people try to respond based on limited information.
> Your choice.


I've only been on this site for a few months so I'm not really aware of people constantly providing sketchy info. Maybe they don't want people they know stumbling upon TAM and figuring out who they are? I'm not sure what else you want me to say. What other sordid details should I beat around the bush and trickle out so I can keep people on this crazy hook of mine? 

The RO hasn't been dropped, it's been granted, we go to court next month, and as soon as my husband is served he has to move out. During which time I'll build up even more courage and realize I'm doing the right thing thus moving forward with filing for a separation and then divorce.

No more horror stories. If I'm attacked by my husband the law is on my side now.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

Forget about a separation. Get yourself a good attorney and file for DIVORCE.


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## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

skb said:


> Forget about a separation. Get yourself a good attorney and file for DIVORCE.


An attorney isn't necessary. We don't have assets or children together so we qualify for an annulment which I believe is a lengthier process than divorce. We'll see what I decide to do, but staying together isn't a wise choice at all.


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