# Help



## mincodd (Nov 16, 2009)

I've been with my husband for 10 years, high school sweethearts. We've been married 4 years & have 2 children. However, we've ALWAYS had a pretty rocky relationship (fighting, verbal & emotional abuse) I can not go on in the marriage anymore...he works 3pm-12am. He comes home & plays video games until 6am, then sleeps all day until he has to go to work @ 3pm. I am left to do everything, take care of the kids & house alone. I feel like I am married to a 17 year old. I've tried talking to him, he doesn't care how I feel. I've left several time & threaten to leave more than I should. But every time I leave I come home after a few days. So, now that I REALLY am going to leave for good, he doesn't believe me or take me serious in my unhappiness & disatisfaction. Any Advice???


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

What game is it that he plays? This is a completely serious question.

Gaming can be extremely addictive. If it's damn World of Warcraft this is the best site I've found WoW Detox - The Detox center for your World of Warcraft Addiction!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

mincodd said:


> So, now that I REALLY am going to leave for good, he doesn't believe me or take me serious in my unhappiness & disatisfaction. Any Advice???


im a little confused. if you are leaving him, what sort of advice are you looking for?


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Hire a lawyer, and go to a shelter and get free counseling for the abuse. I have heard abuse cases sometimes gets through the courts quicker, which means you can receive child support payments quicker. Good luck.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Sensitive said:


> Hire a lawyer, and go to a shelter and get free counseling for the abuse. I have heard abuse cases sometimes gets through the courts quicker, which means you can receive child support payments quicker. Good luck.


Can we at least have a crack at trying to save the marriage rather than recommending the divorce express lane based on a single paragraph of information? 

The whole leaving him and coming back multiple times is going to make things much harder to deal with. If you say you're leaving and keep coming back, you become "unbelieveable".

Can we have a little more info?


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## mincodd (Nov 16, 2009)

Yes, you are right the back & forth of leaving & staying does make me unbelievable. I'm confused because I love my husband, I just don't love what are realtionship has become (seprate lives/schedules, excessive video games) So, yes I need advice on how to get through to my husband and change this bad "dynamic" we have created. The reason I say I'm leaving & often do is because I really don't know how else to handle my frustration. I get so fed up & feel he will not try to be more invloved with me & our kids. I think I HAVE TO leave, that may sound dumb..best way I can describe it.
I tried to talk to him last night and he seems emotionless. I used to always be able to get through to him???


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I also use leaving as a desperate way to try and get through to my H. it never worked, though. the best way i have gotten through to my H is working on my boundaries and going to counseling. I read some things online and read a couple of books (dr. phil's _relationship rescue_ and _boundaries in marriage_ by cloud and townsend). Its taken a few years but I have mellowed out, my H is starting to change, and things seem to be better. I think you have to meet in the middle.


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## mincodd (Nov 16, 2009)

I will def get those books. I am willing to try anything! Thanks for your advice....I agree with the meet in the middle. Easier said than done though!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

If you are interested in those books you may also be interested in a couple others. I read Seat of the Soul and Radical Forgiveness, too. some of the theories about the after life, etc, are a bit eccentric in those books and i dont believe it personally. However, i found their theories about how to approach interpersonal conflicts in intimate situations invaluable.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Also in all seriousness, gaming can be a true addicition. That needs to be discussed as well.


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## open hearted (Nov 15, 2009)

You'd be surprised what a ten second kiss will do to a woman if you land one on her, then walk away and do something else(whoever wrote that should be kissed)..leaving is hard at any level of a marriage my h and i have split several times and at the last minute we've gotten back but this time i know how you feel..what i would do is break his game okay hide it somewhere he wouldnt look like in the trunk of a car or in a garage where tools belong get a sitter take a day off and leave a note where is game is normally if you want your game it is being held hostage to get it back return to bed naked..and be there yourself naked lay down turn off all electronics phone tv unplug you get the point..(not litterally)..and tell him he has to spend 30-45 min per day just talking and he'll get the game back after that..then since you have his attention try talking again..and see whats up and dont take the personal effects of this too personal try talking say you want your equal time that he gives to the game and be serious the game is between you and your marriage..tell him how you feel..do what you have to one last time..if it doesnt work than you know you gave it your all and file an exparte for emotional abuse and kick his to the curb in the long run you have custody of his game than you can take it and destroy it..or do what you want with it at least you'll know where your marriage stands for once and for all but before you walk out the door or make him walk out make sure your set up to survive if you decide to leave than leave your marriage....its hard i know im fighting leaving right now myself...good luck


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

open hearted said:


> You'd be surprised what a ten second kiss will do to a woman if you land one on her, then walk away and do something else(whoever wrote that should be kissed)


That's all me baby.

I'm waiting for my kiss.


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