# Best Friends Not Lovers/First time posting



## Kit (Sep 27, 2011)

Ok, hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and I came here because I have been thinking about divorce or separation for several months now. 

Me and my husband have been married 2 and a half years, we have a 10 month old son together. After our son was born the issues in our marriage really came to the surface. After he was born I focused 100% on new baby and did not pay enough attention to my husband. Sex life was gone, I felt overwhelmed caring for baby with little help, husband became depressed. Over time I gradually started to resent him for not helping enough with the child or helping around the house, etc. 

Fast forward to present day, we still don't have much of a sex life. I feel like we are more like best friends and not lovers. I do not feel passionately about him and when we do have sex, I don't enjoy it. (It wasn't always this way, after childbirth I have no sex drive.) Recently I came to realize that I was only having sex with him to keep him happy.. I was treating it like some sort of chore or obligation and I felt like a really terrible person. 

He also was fired from his job recently, and due to him being fired for behavioral reasons he does not qualify for unemployment. We've been going through a really rough time financially. We've been borrowing money from relatives and selling possessions just to pay rent and put food on the table because my income alone is not enough. I've become very depressed about that situation (and so has he) and I find myself resenting him more.

Now, other than the job loss, I feel like none of this is his fault. This is all my fault because I have become emotionally detached and distant over time. I feel like I wish we could divorce before things get worse between us. I want us to just be best friends and raise our son together, because he is an excellent father and I really do enjoy spending time with him.

I've been holding all this in and really need some advice or someone to talk to. We can't afford divorce or separation right now and I haven't even talked to him about it. 

Thank you for listening..


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## HeartLikeMine (Oct 3, 2011)

I can identify with you on "not feeling passionate" towards him. Since you lost your sex drive after childbirth...do you think this might be more of a hormone issue that could be corrected?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Dont be a quitter be a solver 

0. Tell hom how you are feeiling and are not completely sure its fair
1. Apologize for not addressing your hormone and emotional issues sooner 
2. Tell him you are resentful that he has not helped more with the baby but hope he can step up and you can forgive. 
3. tell him you beleive in him but he needs to buckle down and get some income rolling so you can focus on rebuilding your fellings for each other


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