# Separation



## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

Just a quick question as I am slowly getting fed up with my W and the waythings have been going for the past couple of years .
Is it possible to be separated and living in the same home ?
If so , should I even mention about it to my W ? 
Thanks


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hear its possible but it never last long. 
The same sh*ts there, you're just rewording marriage for seperation.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Yeah. I've been doing that now for 6 weeks. It is not easy, especially when you sense the feeling of resentment every time you see them. I wouldn't recommend it if you can help it. If I could afford it financially right now, i'd be gone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

6foot5 said:


> Just a quick question as I am slowly getting fed up with my W and the waythings have been going for the past couple of years .
> Is it possible to be separated and living in the same home ?
> If so , should I even mention about it to my W ?
> Thanks


I guess my question is why would you want to do that? What are you hoping to accomplish that either a full separation or continued marriage wouldn't do? Yes, people do it, but I don't think I've heard many people say they thought it was a good idea. They usually do it because they feel they have no other choice for some reason. Sometimes financial, sometimes legal, whatever. From what I've read, it usually seems more painful because of the friction of sharing living quarters with someone you've just informed you don't want to be with anymore.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

I am sure that there are a lot of married couples who are living SEPARATE lives at home, so I don't see ANY difference between that and having an agreement to live separately under the same roof.

There are countless of threads and post where somebody is always complaining about NO SEX, NO COMMUNICATION, NO NOTHING!

If that's the case ... what's the difference? The only thing I can see it that things become MORE tense since it's out in the open.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Kauaiguy said:


> I am sure that there are a lot of married couples who are living SEPARATE lives at home, so I don't see ANY difference between that and having an agreement to live separately under the same roof.
> 
> There are countless of threads and post where somebody is always complaining about NO SEX, NO COMMUNICATION, NO NOTHING!
> 
> If that's the case ... what's the difference? The only thing I can see it that things become MORE tense since it's out in the open.


My wife and I were "mostly" having separate lives in the same home for close to a year, no dating, different beds, barely any sex, we took a short weekend trip and that was about the only thing we've done as a couple or family in the past year.

In my case there was infidelity on her part and she was already checked out of marriage so definitely being in the same house would be a tremendous barrier to my healing. If you are going to have an in house separation you should probably make an explicit agreement of how that is going to work, all I know for me is that whenever my wife has come by to get something from the house or when we are together at our son's soccer it immediately shuts me down, even if there was no extramarital stuff I still don't think in-house separation is very effective for anything other than prolonging the misery.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon said:


> My wife and I were "mostly" having separate lives in the same home for close to a year, no dating, different beds, barely any sex, we took a short weekend trip and that was about the only thing we've done as a couple or family in the past year.
> 
> In my case there was infidelity on her part and she was already checked out of marriage so definitely being in the same house would be a tremendous barrier to my healing. If you are going to have an in house separation you should probably make an explicit agreement of how that is going to work, all I know for me is that whenever my wife has come by to get something from the house or when we are together at our son's soccer it immediately shuts me down, even if there was no extramarital stuff I still don't think in-house separation is very effective for anything other than prolonging the misery.


Yip. Right on the mark! We had to stay for financial reasons; working on the house getting it ready for sale, and doing our finances. It was easier using the study to do that. Plus, I did not want to do a double move as whereever I went, I am sure it would not have been the ideal place because it would have been a hasty decision to move there. With that said, I have paid dearly for it with emotional pain.

I think we might get an offer on the house soon.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Yes I am doing it because of finances. I have come up with a buyout option and it's not great; a small down payment and monthly payments for 9.5 yrs. Yikes, that tells me my chances of owning an home again are small.

But I am doing this because I can't stand this stagnation and we simply have outgrown one another and the tension is so thick you would need a machete to hack through it. Oh let's not forget about being falsely civil. Oh yeah, loved that one too.

I am waiting to hear how we can design this so I can move on. Get an apartment and job. So many challenges.

We have been doing this for four months and it is ROUGH (growl). I have never been through something so weird and painful at the same time in my life.

If you can avoid it, my suggestion is to do so. Too long and drawnout pain.


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

After 2 weeks of silence ,today I tried taking to my W for the last time , she of course started rolling her eyes as soon as I opened my mouth , then she said it is definitely over ,she is going for a minor surgery on Wednesday next week so about 2 months ago I arranged some days off work to take her to the hospital and stay at home with her , so today I asked her if I will take her to the hospital as I normally keep my word no matter how bad things were/are between us , she said no ,she doesnt want me to take her to the H , at that point I got really pissed off , after couple minutes of heated conversation , she said t is to late to fix our marriage and she doesnt even want to do try , OK if thats what you want then you going to start paying some bills here because I will not pay for her anything anymore , no cell phone , no internet as she uses between 60and 80GB every month , she will pay half of everything else if she wants to stay here . In our 6years of marriage she hasnt paid *one* bill or even asked me if I need any money to cover some bills ,I always had to ask her to help me out with bills . When I told her if she doesnt start paying her bill I will cut all of her services off she immediately shut up and stuck her face in the computer screen , and thats how most conversations pretty much ended for the past 2years or so.
I think it is official we are separated as of today but still under one roof ( my roof ) and the only reason for that is that I love my 6year old son very much and I dont want him to be robbed of all the things that he loves so much , everything that he has here .He loves his mother very much and I wouldnt want to take her away from him by kicking her right out ( I know it sounds dumb but thats the way I think ) 
Does anyone have any advice as to what I should do next ?
Should I go to the lawyer and get the separation thing put on the paper ?
Or just any advice as how to deal with this so called separation under one roof ?


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