# DH cheated...I talked with other woman



## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Well, I caught DH texting and calling an ex-lover. I made him call and break it off while I listened. She was angry, of course. She said that he had been lying to her for 7 years (DH and I have only been married 2 1/2 years). She said he'd been lying to her, me, and his kids. She spoke kindly to me, and told me she was sorry all of this had happened. Well, after they hung up
DH told me that they had just been texting and calling since we got married, and not having sex (yeah, right.)
So...guess what I did....I texted the other woman myself. I know that I probably shouldn't have done that, but it was a real eye opener. We did not slam each other, we were courteous to each other. She opened my eyes to a lot of things. Asked me to forgive her, and said she could finally let him go. She said that God must have meant for it to happen this way, so could get her life back. She sounded very sincere. Do you think I can believe what she said?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

What does it matter?

Your problem isn't with her.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> Do you think I can believe what she said?


No.
You can`t believe a word she says.

What are you planning to do with your husband?


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Tacoma, I am planning on going to marriage counseling with him.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

zoeyshope said:


> Tacoma, I am planning on going to marriage counseling with him.


7 years he has been involved with her, married to you for 2 1/2 years and you want to go to counseling? I'd run for the hills. Seriously.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Don't believe what she or he says. She knew he was married for years and yet she tried to get him to leave you and his children, that is what she meant about his lies. How does a women who has been trying to destroy you suddenly care so much about you? 

Answer she doesn't. In fact, I think it was an act to impress her lover that she is a good caring woman because she is nice to her rival. You forget, you are dealing with two dishonest people with our the moral fortitude to do what is right. 

I don't think it is over and given the level of deception for the entirety of your marriage I don't think it bodes well. Is this the way you want to live? He is not who you thought you married. 

Are you willing to let him go if the affair does not stop or if he has other affairs? He has been with this woman for a long time and it is she who he wants. Let them have each other full time. 

I think you will be glad you did when you are in a relationship with a good honest man who returns your live. Watch these two crash and burn from a new and happy place. That will be their reward. 

Please consider carefully, what you do now will determine the years ahead. Years from now you will regret you decision to stay. Or you can make a fresh start while you are still young and can recover emotionally from this experience. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> Tacoma, I am planning on going to marriage counseling with him.


What is his mindset?
How is he acting?
What is he doing that makes you think you can get through this?

I`m not saying you can`t, I`m just saying the only way you can is if he essentially does the work.
It`s hard work.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> 7 years he has been involved with her, married to you for 2 1/2 years and you want to go to counseling? I'd run for the hills. Seriously.


Yea. Most likely they'll just get better at hiding this affair.

 What a sad situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's cheated and lied to you the whole time you have been with him. There is no strong foundation to build on.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

When in a snake pit, expect to experience fangs.
7 years! Lying for 2 1/2 years.
It's not really recommended to go to marriage counseling with someone like this. Individual therapy for you is much better.
You can read my story if you like.
But someone who would lie to you for 2 1/2 years and also lie to someone else for that long, is probably not someone who could ever be brought around to putting your best interests in a relationship on an equal status with his own. 
Does this OW have a husband? What's been his experience?
Are there yet other women?
What is his relationship history?

What the other posters say is true.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

No you can't completely believe her. You already know she's the kind of woman to have a long term affair with a married guy, so not the best of character references for her.

That doesn't mean he isn't guilty, just that she's not bring fully truthful with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Thank you ALL for the replies. I found out he lived with 2 other women before me, at least. Yes, I'm not sure I do want to go to counseling with him. I feel like he will lie all the way through it. Homemaker numero uno, I'd love to hear your story if you'd like to PM me. I also feel there is no foundation to build on. Whether he goes back to this other woman or not does not matter....I think what matters is that he's been lying for our entire marriage. He took several out of town trips that I thought were for business, he has been calling and texting the other woman for a year and a half for sure. That is as far back as I can go on the phone records. We have only been married 2 1/2 years. I just don't know where to go from here. Should I ask him to leave immmediately? I think I will talk with the elders of my church first. Thank you all for your advice and kind words, and I would love to hear more of what you might have to say.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I would leave at once, but I have less tolerance for this sort of thing than many people. Good luck and God bless.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I'd just tell him to leave.

Be done with that jerk.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

We live in MY house. I hope that doesn't mean that because of community property in TX that he will able to get half of it. The mortgage company actually owns it. We really have no assets, just a few bills, and no children.

Please pray for me to find the strength to ask him to leave. I feel bad that he will have no place to stay.... I worry too much about that stuff. I am just weary of the whole thing and just want it to be over. I looked through some of his papers while he was gone. I found his old divorce papers, and a written note that he confessed that he had given gifts to another woman. Ugh


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He cheated and is probably still cheating. I'm sure he'll have somewhere to stay. I hate to be blunt like that but stop worrying about him. Worry about your and your sanity.

You just found papers about gifts for another woman. For god sake, get your big girl panties, put them on and...

Kick his butt out.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

You guys are awesome! Thank you for all the thoughts/advice/honesty.
I will keep you posted. I am planning on talking to him tomorrow after church. Please pray for me to be bold and firm.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Did you have the house before you married? If so it is not part of comunity property. I would make sure that you know what his financial situation is before making a move. 

If he has a job and travels does he have out of town bank account? What about the amount of money he has spent pusuing thios wopman. If he paid for trips to meet her that is use of marital assets. 

Although you live in a no fault community property state, the judge has a considerable amount of desecration when it comes to splitting the property. 

If he has been cheating throughout the marriage, has spent time and money on the the OW that has a bearing on the spilt. 

Don't throw him out until you get evidence about the finances. Do your homework and plan. The house is yours but he has a right to live there because it is his home. You can ask him to leave. 

Start the divorce so that you get him out ASAP. Why are you concerned about someone who cares so little for yopu?

Going to a paster? He will tell you to work on it. You know that and that may be why you will go. But it is fruitless. If you are a believer then go to the bible. 

The marriage was never true and he was cheating. A kind and loving God is suffering along with you. He is asking you to put yourself in his hands and be brave. 

He is asking you to go directly to Him with your troubles. Trust Him to deliver on his promise. 

"Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done." Matthew 12:21

"And he said, Come. And when Peter came down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" Matthew 14 29:31


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. My friend was being abused by her husband and their pastor said to reconcile  Is he HIGH?

She asked the people at the church to stop praying for reconciliation but to pray for a smooth transition through the divorce for her and the kids.and for her husband to get serious help.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Here's the latest:
After church today over lunch I contronted him. I prayed for strength, and was able to get through it. I told him that I knew he had been cheating for 1 1/2 out of our 2 1/2 year marriage. I also told him that I knew about him living with the 2 other (or however many) women before we married. I told him about the divorce decree I found that documented he had written checks out of a joint account to another woman as gifts. He broke the vows less than 1 year out of our marriage to go back to a woman that he had cheated with during his other marriage. I said I didn't see any way that this could work for us. Really, it was never a marriage at all. There was too much hurt for me to continue. I was not angry, I did not yell. He cried and was very hurt and asked me to give him a chance and forgive him. He is in shock, I think, that I would be this firm.
I am sad, I am hurt, I am scared, I am so many things right now, along with feeling sorry for him. He looked so pitiful.....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> You guys are awesome! Thank you for all the thoughts/advice/honesty.
> I will keep you posted. I am planning on talking to him tomorrow after church. Please pray for me to be bold and firm.


I assume you bought the house before you married. Is this right?

The house is yours. HOwever, any equity that accrued while you were married to him could be 50% his. You would have to buy him out of his portion.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> Here's the latest:
> After church today over lunch I contronted him. I prayed for strength, and was able to get through it. I told him that I knew he had been cheating for 1 1/2 out of our 2 1/2 year marriage. I also told him that I knew about him living with the 2 other (or however many) women before we married. I told him about the divorce decree I found that documented he had written checks out of a joint account to another woman as gifts. He broke the vows less than 1 year out of our marriage to go back to a woman that he had cheated with during his other marriage. I said I didn't see any way that this could work for us. Really, it was never a marriage at all. There was too much hurt for me to continue. I was not angry, I did not yell. He cried and was very hurt and asked me to give him a chance and forgive him. He is in shock, I think, that I would be this firm.
> I am sad, I am hurt, I am scared, I am so many things right now, along with feeling sorry for him. He looked so pitiful.....


You were strong and did what you had it. It was hard but you did it. Do not back down now. He's a serial cheater and liar. You deserve so much more.


((((HUGS))))


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Thank you, Ele Girl! Yes, the house was mine before we married. I have owned it for 4 1/2 years. There is very little equity I think...I will have to check. Other than that, we each have our own car note and insurance. I have him on my health insurance, so I need to consider that. We each have a credit card or 2 in our own names, so that should be no problem. I guess we will have to file our 2011 taxes together? My biggest worry right now is how to finish paying for my daughter's spring semester in college. Between DH income and mine, we do not qualify for school loans. By myself, I would qualify for a lot (for my daughter).

It was a very draining thing to do today.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Looks like splitting your finance is a no brainer. With the current housing market your house probably has not gained any equity in the last few years so there is probably nothing to split there.

It would be wise to file 2011 taxes together. If you did not you both would have to file married by seperate, the tax rate for that is higher than filing single... a LOT higher.

As soon as you seperate and/or file for divorce file a FAFSA for financial aid for your daughter. Talk to her school about how you file the data for a change of circumstances since you were married and living together last year and will not be this year. This makes filing for divorce ASAP pretty important.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Way to go!! Good job!

His tears are fake. He didn't learn his lesson in his last marriage...to take him back and believe his boo-hooing will just set you up again.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Thank you, friends!!! Ele girl, you're right about filing! I didn't think about the FAFSA, but will contact the school, and gov.edu about my circumstances.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

that girl...thank you. I still feel sorry for him, but realize he won't change


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> that girl...thank you. I still feel sorry for him, but realize he won't change


You should feel sorry for him. He's pathetic.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> It would be wise to file 2011 taxes together. If you did not you both would have to file married by seperate, the tax rate for that is higher than filing single... a LOT higher.


you dont have to file separately.
you can file single. head of household. 
you can claim the house credits.
you can claim your child.


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## applelemon (Jan 17, 2012)

Stay strong! I think it's wonderful that you realize how damaging your husband to your relationship and life. I wish I was as strong as you and left my husband when I first found out he was an abuser. Unfortunately, I fell for his "tears and sadness" lies.
Kudos to you or being strong!!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

zoeyshope said:


> Here's the latest:
> 
> I am sad, I am hurt, I am scared, I am so many things right now, along with feeling sorry for him. He looked so pitiful.....


For a man who is artful enough to carry on a successful deception for years, I doubt that the pitiful look is anything more than an act. The tears, he knows you have a good heart and uses that fact to suit his agenda. 

You are doing great. He may try to pull you back into the arrangement by lots of promising talk. You may be tempted to believe him because he says just the right things to pull y[u back. 

At these times, keep in mind that his actions have never matched his words. 

He is a rather sad person. I cannot imagine what the inner life is like for a person who has never been loved. 

There is one thing that he will genuinely feel, the loss of you. You are a good woman of quality and you loved the person he presented himself to be. 

He knows he is not that person and he knows that he will never be as fortunate to meet another woman like you again. He will never get over you and he will live to regret what he did.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

2nd time is best, bass fisherman, and Catherine. Please, please, I am hurting so bad this morning, and I just ask that you keep me in your fervant prayers. Bass fisherman, I will check into the income tax thing.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

You guys have helped me so much!


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> Here's the latest:
> After church today over lunch I contronted him. I prayed for strength, and was able to get through it. I told him that I knew he had been cheating for 1 1/2 out of our 2 1/2 year marriage. I also told him that I knew about him living with the 2 other (or however many) women before we married. I told him about the divorce decree I found that documented he had written checks out of a joint account to another woman as gifts. He broke the vows less than 1 year out of our marriage to go back to a woman that he had cheated with during his other marriage. I said I didn't see any way that this could work for us. Really, it was never a marriage at all. There was too much hurt for me to continue. I was not angry, I did not yell. He cried and was very hurt and asked me to give him a chance and forgive him. He is in shock, I think, that I would be this firm.
> I am sad, I am hurt, I am scared, I am so many things right now, along with feeling sorry for him. He looked so pitiful.....


He is pitiful...a pitiful excuse for a husband. Stop worrying and feeling bad for him, his actions got him where he is. More than once. He's already been divorced and you have proof he was cheating during that marriage. He's lied and cheated for most of this marriage. You and your daughter deserve better, much better!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

easy for me to say but stay strong.
sounds like youre doing the right thing.
make sure you do check with someone who knows about taxes to see what youre choices are for sure.
catherine602 is one of the true caring and helpful god sends here.
she has also helped me quite a bit.

dont fall for his stories and making you feel bad for him.
be STRONG.
good luck to you.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I will say prayers.

Avoid the temptation to listen to your husbands false words. Change is very difficult for a person like him and words will not make that happen. 

If he will change, let him do it on his own. The catalyst for change may come about when you leave and you find new love. He needs to feel loss and live the empty consequences of his dissipated deceptive life. 

If he takes up with the other woman, feel sorry for them not hurt. They are both deceptive and one will cheat on the other and the relationship will end. 

He may cast about frantically for the next woman. He may even try to come back to you with an unhappy story. Don't stand in the way of his need to feel sorrow by rescuing him. 

You may pray that your husband changes and you stay with him. But God can't make him change. If you stay with your husband out of fear of being alone, God cannot help you. 

First because your husband has a God-given free will to live a dissipated loveless life. 

Second staying with him will endanger your emotional and physical health (STDs). He cannot not protect you from these dangers and give your husband free-will at the same time. 

You face the challenge that we all face at one time or another in our lives. A test of our faith. In order to embrace the help and new beginning God has in store for you, you have to step out into the abyss. 

Take His hand like the apostle Peter did in the parable of the stormy sea. Is there any better demonstration of your faith than that? 

When you succeed in doing what seems impossible to you now, you can witness for Him and help other souls in times of trouble.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Thank You 2nd!!


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Dear friends,
I am feeling very weak today. I cried most of the night, and woke up with a headache. I cannot concentrate at work today. I love DH so much, and almost feel like saying "let's work this out." 

And then....I can picture him being with the Other Woman just 2 weeks ago...ugh. Why am I feeling this way? I don't hate him at all, I feel compassion and sorrow for him.....but I know the marriage has to be over. 

Please keep me in your prayers. This is just so sad.
Zoey


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your compassion for him does nothing to help him or to protect you. In fact I think your feelings are foolish because they are waisted on a man who neither needs or values them. 

You are casting your pearl among the swine. 

How can you love a man who has been false, deceptive and does not love you? You love a fantasy and not this man. You are addicted to a fantasy. 

It is easy for me say these things. If I were in your place, I think I would be as confused and desire R. I think that is why you need to consider taking strength from cooler heads. 

From reading many post and histories of cheaters like your husband, they don't feel and they don't stop. It is sorrow for being found out not for cheating. 

He will cheat again and again and if you stay, you will end up not liking yourself unfortunately. 

Don't waiver. Take the pain in one gulp and get it over with. Dont expose yourself to years of pain. '


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Marriage councelling? You dont even know him.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You said that this was no marriage at all (referring to length of cheating and length of marriage). You hit the nail on the head. You were scammed. He targeted you because you are a moral, logical person, willing to make sacrifices to your own needs and wants for the love of another person under the sacrament of marriage. Because of this, he made a target of you. 

He used you as a home base and also to camoflauge himself. It is hard for the creepy loner guy to get dates.  Don't even try to reconcile or seek counseling for this marriage. In addition to a divorce attorney, you need someone who specializes in fraud and property law. He has likely scammed other women, and there are these other women you can have subpoena'd to make statements. 

First thing to do, have him removed from the house. Second lock down your assets as best you can. And the paperwork. Lock up all the paperwork trails, access to electronic bank statements, etc. What you will want to do is to document your earnings and asset history as well as your expenses (and his) during the marriage, and what his financial life looked like prior to marriage. 

You could probably have the marriage declared as fraudulent, which would not give him the normal assets that someone obtains in a joint property state. In any case, the marriage hasn't been going on long enough for him to have much stake, but try to stick him with some debt if you can, by documenting what he might have spent of your money on other women, these trips he went on, etc. 

My story basically same as yours. Scammed in order to be a front for a player. A guy with a nice wife who 'doesn't put out' or 'has mental problems' or 'is too into her work or hobbies' (that she's using because he's ignoring her...) is so much more attractive to other women with 'rescue syndrome'. They feel competitive and sorry for him, and this is how it works. Nice guy, providing for a wife, but soooooo underappreciated.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Homemaker...wow! That's it! He is a player! I was a nice wife for him....I didn't think about him using that to get other women! Nice guy, providing for a wife, so unappreciated!!! Oh my goodness!!! I think he thrives on the attention, and I think keeping secrets is a thrill for him!


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Yes, he's got orders to leave the house asap. He looked at apartments today. I met with an attorney today...so I will keep you all posted. Thanks for all the comments/advice/help....I can use it all....


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

zoeyshope said:


> Yes, he's got orders to leave the house asap. He looked at apartments today. I met with an attorney today...so I will keep you all posted. Thanks for all the comments/advice/help....I can use it all....


Homemaker you are a gem. I would never have thought of that but it makes sense. The OW was part of the plan I bet. OW was probably not so interested in him so he set up a little competition by getting married. She fell for it. 

What a creep. Good advice Zoe. Get your ducks lined up and drop feeling sorry for him. He is a snake in the grass, get him out now. He can stay in a hotel till he finds a place. 

Too risky to keep him in your house. Give him zero consideration, he does not see you as a person treat him like nothing. 

Please do that - teach him a lesson - you are not stupid and he is way off his game. He is getting what he deserves.

I bet the OW decides to stay with her husband and kids and leave him in the dust.


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## DocHoliday (Jan 19, 2012)

I believe with salvaging any marriage that has a chance, and usually it is advised to wait a few months before starting any huge life descision (after such a blow);

But you have no common children,
Have a short term marriage,
Are not dependant on him for anything crutial to your survival.

.............hmmm.

I think the cards are laid out on the table. There are some very good websites/books out there that will help you understand what you are going through. 
I am so sorry that you are going through this.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Thank you all so much for the wonderful answers. My blood work came back fine, and now I am having him go to get tested for STDs. I spoke with the elders at my church and they are encouraging me to at least go to a session or 2 of counselling....argh! That will just give him false hope. Any Christian counselor is going to try to do everything they can to help you save your marriage. I am not willing to do any work towards it. I know that sounds cold, but DH has lied his way all through the marriage. And to think of all the women he has shacked up with since his previous marriage makes me sick. He told me he dated 1 woman. As it turns out, he lived with 2, both in the same house he brought me to when I married him. I asked him why he didn't tell me about them, and he said "so I could have a fresh start". I am waiting for him to get his apt. !!! I do not want to sound heartless, but I am so anxious to get him out, so I can heal and move on. I have my 3 grown kids nearby, my parents, my siblings. I have decided I will be ok living alone. It will be a relief.
Thanks to all of you wonderful people.
Doc Holliday, can you recommend any of those books or websites?
Blessings!


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## DocHoliday (Jan 19, 2012)

Surviving an Affair is a good book (know that surviving mean YOU survived).

The website has some pretty self-satified crones posting, (know it alls) they can be very blunt, I know people who will not post there because of it, but as a betrayed spouse you will get _a lot_ of support.

They also have a divorce/divorcing section.
Thing is, all waywards MUST have the same songbook. It is incredible how many times the same M.O. comes up over and again.

These people really do have a good heart, they will help you make a plan and walk a straight line, and give you hope for your personal recovery.

edit: Oh, I am sorry, it is Marriage Builders. Dr. W. Harley


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Thank you so much, Doc Holiday. I will check it out.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Zoey, I'm going through the same thing. 

Brief summary of my story: WH and I married after 6 years of dating. After a year of marriage, I found out he'd been cheating the whole time with his ex (and been while we were dating, too) and she's married to someone else with a kid! I also found a number of casual encounters with others. I was devastated because I love him. Nearly five moths later....no remorse! However, he's mad as hell that his secrets have come to the surface and his life is right there in front of him. I told him to face reality and make some changes and then come talk to me. Now, I'm staying dark.

You're doing the right thing. Be strong. Don't keep him from feeling the sorrow he needs to consider changing as a person. Don't subject yourself to pain at his hands. He didn't just do this to you, he cheated on his ex with this same OW, you said...so this isn't a one time thing. He's going to keep doing it unless he learns that there are consequences, such as losing a good woman. The OW is probably lying just to stay on your good side so you won't expose to her H, but you should expose to her H, too. My WH's APs lied right to my face in this way....pretended to be stepping away when in fact, it made them more active in their pursuit -- scavengers and vermin and imbeciles, they are. And my WH was just "rescuing damsels in distress", didn't even have the decency to admit his own stupidity. We've been separated for nearly five months. Doesn't look good for us because he is not showing any remorse or respect, though he claims he has stopped talking to OWs, I don't believe him.

I'm not trying to hijack your thread, just trying to show you that you are definitely not alone in feeling this way.

Be strong. Stay firm. You've filed. Now, let him learn his lesson while you heal....otherwise, you will lose all respect in his eyes and this will be worse the next time. He does not deserve your sympathy or a second chance (because this isn't the first time this has happened to him and he didn't change). He brought this onto himself.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Wh has been very remorseful, as opposed to my first WH. Current WH is about to lose a good thing...(not bragging), after all the undesirables he's been with, and keeps going back to. As far as I know his OW is not married. Hopefully, she will be able to move on. I am feeling free-er each day, not grieving as I was with my first WH with whom I was married 20 years, and had my 3 children with. I was desperate to save that marriage so I could keep my family intact. Now, I have no such history to make me want to work on the marriage. He is a serial cheater. You are all right that I should not give him the time of day. I do hope he will get help (without me), so that he can turn his life around. I am not feeling the compassion and sympathy that I first felt. I am getting madder and madder. On a lighter note, I praise God that all of my blood work came back normal, and for that I am thankful. Just think of all the people I exposed myself to by sleeping with someone who had slept with others, who had in turn slept with others, who had also slept with others. Mind boggling. I will no longer subject myself to this. I am working on getting him out of the house. He is currently working with a guy from my church, and I don't believe my friend from church will keep him on. He will probably move out of state with his dad, or move in with his daughter, who lives in another city. I live in a small town, and I just don't want to even have to deal with him being that close.
I am just so ready for him to get out. Most women would have already kicked him to the curb. I am trying to wait for him to get his "stuff" together. Besides, he is going to pay all of our February bills. I will be able to make it on my own...I have been a teacher for 25 years, and I make a decent salary. 2 of my kids are married, and I have 1 still in college.
Desert Rose...sorry about what happened to you..that your WH had no remorse. What is going to happen now?


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

What is the average cost of a no-contested, no children, few asset divorce these days? I live in Texas


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## milehighchika91 (Jan 23, 2012)

I dated a guy for 6 months and found out that he had been with someone else for 5 and a half months. Not only that but he had been with this girl for 5 years. He started dating me on one of their "breaks" I found out. Let her now and we waited for him to get home from work. We left together after confronting him. I left him because I realized that it was all a lie. Where he was, who he was. This person that I had gotten to know was all of a sudden a stranger to me. 3 months later, I found the guy I am now dating and he's amazing. Not too long ago I saw the ex with that same girl eating together at my restaurant. Why she got back with him, I don't know. But if I were her I would never be able to trust him again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear that, Mile High. These people fabricate themselves and they are almost like a fictional person. I do believe it's best to move on. I have already visited with an attorney, and am ready to move on. If he goes back to the OW, then I will just feel sorry for the OW>


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

zoeyshope said:


> What is the average cost of a no-contested, no children, few asset divorce these days? I live in Texas


Not sure about Texas, but without children, uncontested, filing yourself, getting your STBXH to sign the document, it should be a few hundred. I did one 2 years ago, we had property together, but agreed on the division of all assets/debts, and it was like $250, plus filing fees of $140, I think it was.


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## BrknHearted (Jan 15, 2012)

I could have written this post myself...except I'm fighting for my marriage and to be honest, I'm not sure why when I read these posts because I am not sure I believe he can or will change. I do not have bio children with him, but we do have 3 sons between us and his sons live with us 3+ days a week - so I feel like they are mine. I don't want to make a rash decision to leave and I don't want to hurt the kids. 

I wish I had the strength to do what you did - just kick him out. I just don't want to give up, even though I'm bracing for disappointment from him. I worry, constantly, and that's no way to live. I'm hoping that in 90 days I'll have a better handle on my feelings and where I want to be. 

I'm praying for you Zoe. I wish you nothing but the best.


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## zoeyshope (Jan 21, 2012)

Thank you, Broken Hearted. I am so sad for you too. I have not kicked mine to the curb yet, as he has nowhere to go. We had just moved here a few months ago. He is going to have to find a job in his hometown, or go live with his dad. He has 2 weeks to get out.
I feel sorry for him, but I can't have this toxic relationship in my life. I am moving on. I pray for God's blessings in this.

I wish you the very best also. It sounds like your kids are younger, right? Ours are all grown and out of the house. We have just a 2 1/2 year history, of which he has been seeing another woman for over half of this time. I just can't live with it anymore.
Please let me know how you are doing. I can tell you are really hurting.


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