# Q for men: job stress and sex



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband has a job that periodically causes him stress that affects our intimacy. If the stress is only for a day or two and then he bounces back, I'm usually okay with giving him room and waiting it out. But sometimes it lasts for days, and he is grumpy and emotionally unavailable and it can sort of put us into a spiral that is hard to dig out of. 

So when a few days go by, and he's still stressed and remote, I start to look for things to do to keep him more even keel. One things that usually makes him reset is sex. The problem is getting him to want to take the time. He works at home and I'm a SAHM, but our three kids are in school during the day, so opportunity is not lacking. He is normally an extremely high drive man, and he is very attracted to me . . . but all that seems to go out the window with the stress. I know if I could just get him to let me give him a BJ or have even a quickie he would feel better. 

Here is my question for men (finally): When you are having extended periods of job stress that if affecting your drive, what would be the best way for your wife to approach you for sex? He knows I am more than available (I'm horny as hell, truth be told), but I've tried everything from strolling naked into his office to more subtle come ons. I've stayed positive and supportive and have asked what I can do to help. He keeps telling me things like, "Just handle the kids and keep them quiet." Yeah, yeah yeah . . . I KNOW what he needs. How do I get him to take it?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm a CPA with a very stressful 10 week tax season. My answer to your question is morning sex. Preferably wake up sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The expectation for sex is enough to drive the stress even further actually, to the point at times I dreaded coming home after a long day's work because I knew my wife would be expecting a session lest she gets cranky.

Though from time to time she did do it right; she smiled, crack jokes, relieved the stress with humor, listen to my BS, laughed with me. Showed me her love without sexual expectations and made me want to recipocate. That was enough for me, but rare unfortunately throughout my marriage. Too late


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Good question GettingIt. For me, when I am stressed at work, I tend to really focus on what I am trying to get done....and I tend to push everything else out of my mind. 

When stressed, I don't really have the time for a long 2 hour bedroom sex session with lots of long foreplay and cuddling afterward. In this situation, quickie sex would be great! In our house, my wife recognizes this and gives me erotic distractions to keep my mind occupied and couples them with quickies on occasion.

Example: Two weeks ago, I was working in my office at around 10:20 AM, and she walks in wearing only black high heels, black thong panties, and holding some bottle of lotion.(a feisty smile too) She simply tells me to put some lotion on her legs as she bends over my desk. I was shocked. This erotic visual distraction totally took me off guard, and after applying some great smelling, Victoria's Secret lotion, she asked if I needed any help with the now aroused stallion. She ended up giving me a fantastic BJ in my home office. It was great, totally off guard, and exactly what I needed at the time. 

What I love about this was she recognized my need just like you are doing. She also initiated it. She didn't ask, she just did it, and it turned out great. Hope this helps.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

That's a tough one and I think it will vary for every man. Some guys would drop whatever they were doing - even a conference call - if their wife strolled into the office naked. Some can't detach that fast and would see the wife's attention as an additional annoyance ("I know she is trying to help but it's just one more person judging my performance today.") In my stressed out times, I tend to be the latter. When I am deeply engaged in something, it can be hard for me to pull away and focus on her, even she tries to help. It's not that uncommon in men.

Try this maybe: walk in and just ask for him to take a five-minute break. Rub his shoulders and give him soft kisses on the neck. If he wants to rant, just say, "Mmm hmm, mmm hmm." He should start to loosen up a little and you can proceed from there. If he won't give you the five minutes, then you have to be more direct. Tell him *you* need five minutes and just snuggle him and try to let your body heat ans skin contact relax him. If that doesn't work, it's time for the talk. Broach it when he is calm and ask him why he can't take a few minutes to get his head cleared. Based on your post history, you guys seem to have opened up this year, so he should be receptive to discussion.

I guess you could go the radical route. Many years ago, I remember being pissed about work and ranting to my wife. She was somewhat quiet until I finished. She asked if I was stressed and I gave some smart-alec answer. She said, "Do you want to take it out on me?" I asked her what she meant and she said, "Hate f*** me." Of course, I didn't want to hurt her hut she insisted. It was fairly rough, but I did feel better afterwards and she even said she enjoyed it.

Anyway, somethings to consider....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> My husband has a job that periodically causes him stress that affects our intimacy. If the stress is only for a day or two and then he bounces back, I'm usually okay with giving him room and waiting it out. But sometimes it lasts for days, and he is grumpy and emotionally unavailable and it can sort of put us into a spiral that is hard to dig out of.
> 
> So when a few days go by, and he's still stressed and remote, I start to look for things to do to keep him more even keel. One things that usually makes him reset is sex. The problem is getting him to want to take the time. He works at home and I'm a SAHM, but our three kids are in school during the day, so opportunity is not lacking. He is normally an extremely high drive man, and he is very attracted to me . . . but all that seems to go out the window with the stress. I know if I could just get him to let me give him a BJ or have even a quickie he would feel better.
> 
> Here is my question for men (finally): When you are having extended periods of job stress that if affecting your drive, what would be the best way for your wife to approach you for sex? He knows I am more than available (I'm horny as hell, truth be told), but I've tried everything from strolling naked into his office to more subtle come ons. I've stayed positive and supportive and have asked what I can do to help. He keeps telling me things like, "Just handle the kids and keep them quiet." Yeah, yeah yeah . . . I KNOW what he needs. How do I get him to take it?



KUDOS to you for recognizing the importance of sex to your husband.

Wake him up with a bj. It's hard to say no when you come back to reality while your knob is being polished (pardon the crass description)


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> My husband has a job that periodically causes him stress that affects our intimacy. If the stress is only for a day or two and then he bounces back, I'm usually okay with giving him room and waiting it out. But sometimes it lasts for days, and he is grumpy and emotionally unavailable and it can sort of put us into a spiral that is hard to dig out of.
> 
> So when a few days go by, and he's still stressed and remote, I start to look for things to do to keep him more even keel. One things that usually makes him reset is sex. The problem is getting him to want to take the time. He works at home and I'm a SAHM, but our three kids are in school during the day, so opportunity is not lacking. He is normally an extremely high drive man, and he is very attracted to me . . . but all that seems to go out the window with the stress. *I know if I could just get him to let me give him a BJ or have even a quickie he would feel better. *Here is my question for men (finally): When you are having extended periods of job stress that if affecting your drive, what would be the best way for your wife to approach you for sex? He knows I am more than available (I'm horny as hell, truth be told), but I've tried everything from strolling naked into his office to more subtle come ons. I've stayed positive and supportive and have asked what I can do to help. He keeps telling me things like, "Just handle the kids and keep them quiet." Yeah, yeah yeah . . . I KNOW what he needs. How do I get him to take it?


.......wait.........you're serious?...........but.....


Gentlemen, the bar has been raised.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

I'm like your H and some of the other guys that have posted here. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing things, but when stress at work is pretty bad it's hard to shake it. At those times it can definitely seem like a horny wife is just one more detail that needs to be taken care of before bed.

I think it's especially difficult for men bc the social expectation is that we're supposed to be constantly thinking about sex and ready to go at the drop of a hat. When we're not, regardless of the reason, it can feel a bit emasculating, at least to me. This increases the pressure of having to perform and it has really gotten into my head a time or two.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

When stress from work has come home with me it has not affected my desire for an active sex life but I know that for me sex when I am stressed tends to be too fast, too furious and untimely less fulfilling.

If you add to that the impact of a stressful me on my wife’s mood bringing work stress home is something I try hard to avoid.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

Stress can kill a man's drive.

When I was younger my dad had a very scary health issue and was in the hospital for 6 weeks. I actually went 6 weeks without masturbating or thinking of sex. I realized what had happened later. Never been so stressed and it killed my drive for a month and a half. It can happen.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Wow, lots of great advice in those posts--thanks guys. 

Just to be clear--I don't want to pressure him for sex for a release for me so much as I want to head off the issues I know we will start to have after a few days of low intimacy--and our connection relies heavily on the physical. I'm seeking a way to persuade him, to make him an offer he can't refuse, etc. If I'm adding to his stress, then I'm being completely counter productive. 

I like the idea of morning sex, but I'm thinking that since our bedtimes and wake times are not synced it might be even better for me to wake up when he comes to bed to give him a quickie. (He often works until about midnight and sleeps until about 7, and I'm in bed by around 10 since I have to be up at 5:30.) I'm a b!tch when I don't get my sleep, but I think I could function on a night or two of interrupted sleep once in awhile. 

I could make my sexy appearances in his office more subtle, too--maybe showing up in nothing but a thong and straddling him on his chair is a little too direct when he's feeling under the gun. 

At any rate, things (finally!) got worked out when I got home from errands this afternoon.  I really hate it when his work stress affects our intimacy (same as he hates it when I'm PMS'ing for a few days each month). We're working on it, but trying to communicate with someone who is in the grips of stress can be hard.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

ntamph said:


> Stress can kill a man's drive.
> 
> When I was younger my dad had a very scary health issue and was in the hospital for 6 weeks. I actually went 6 weeks without masturbating or thinking of sex. I realized what had happened later. Never been so stressed and it killed my drive for a month and a half. It can happen.


Yes, and I think I would be more willing to give him room if it was that sort of trauma induced stress. His work stress, however, is a fairly regular thing, so we need to find ways to not let it derail our intimacy. We had ten years of bad intimacy that neither of us wants to go back to. Fortunately, he's willing to address and work on the issue--just not when he's in the throes of a bad week at work.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

GettingIt said:


> Wow, lots of great advice in those posts--thanks guys.
> 
> Just to be clear--I don't want to pressure him for sex for a release for me so much as I want to head off the issues I know we will start to have after a few days of low intimacy--and our connection relies heavily on the physical. I'm seeking a way to persuade him, to make him an offer he can't refuse, etc. If I'm adding to his stress, then I'm being completely counter productive.
> 
> ...


You're on the right track. It will take some experimentation to find something that works.

Also, if you've not, tell him directly that you aren't so much concerned with your own sexual needs so much as you're wanting to maintain the intimacy in which your relationship thrives. By doing that, you're completely reframing it to him as something that you guys work on as a team instead of something else he needs to satisfy before he can head to bed. 

No lie, if my W put it to me like that I would guy-swoon if I were capable of swooning. That's just me, though.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> My husband has a job that periodically causes him stress that affects our intimacy. If the stress is only for a day or two and then he bounces back, I'm usually okay with giving him room and waiting it out. But sometimes it lasts for days, and he is grumpy and emotionally unavailable and it can sort of put us into a spiral that is hard to dig out of.
> 
> So when a few days go by, and he's still stressed and remote, I start to look for things to do to keep him more even keel. One things that usually makes him reset is sex. The problem is getting him to want to take the time. He works at home and I'm a SAHM, but our three kids are in school during the day, so opportunity is not lacking. He is normally an extremely high drive man, and he is very attracted to me . . . but all that seems to go out the window with the stress. I know if I could just get him to let me give him a BJ or have even a quickie he would feel better.
> 
> Here is my question for men (finally): When you are having extended periods of job stress that if affecting your drive, what would be the best way for your wife to approach you for sex? He knows I am more than available (I'm horny as hell, truth be told), but I've tried everything from strolling naked into his office to more subtle come ons. I've stayed positive and supportive and have asked what I can do to help. He keeps telling me things like, "Just handle the kids and keep them quiet." Yeah, yeah yeah . . . I KNOW what he needs. How do I get him to take it?


Okay, I will SERIOUSLY answer that question. I would want her to LITERALLY grab me by the balls and make me stop whatever I was doing. She of course would be considerate enough, as she squeezes harder, to ask if there is anything that demands my immediate attention. She would ask if I need to go to the restroom. If so, she would smack my butt so hard as she tells me, "you've got one minute. Go."

Leading me by the ear, and balls, she would then throw me on the bed. She may smack my face a few times and physically hold me down. She would very forcibly tell me that she is very sorry for what has happened to me and that she is there for me. She would squeeze my balls so hard, forcing me to confess that I believe her.

She would then demand that I hug her. "Harder!" she would quickly announce. Slapping my face in a far sterner voice, "I said F'ing harder you b*tch! She would then demand I open my mouth and she would spit hard into my mouth. "Swallow it!" she would demand. "We are a unit! We are indivisible! Hold me like you f*ing mean it and you never want to let me go!"

This would escalate and continue. I would then be swallowing large amounts of her other bodily fluids while being reminded that we are an indivisible unit. "Now do you feel like we are one!?" as I nearly choke. I would also end up helping her have as many orgasms as she needed, being reminded that I am her b*tch, and that my behavior is unacceptable. I would be reminded that my job is to lean on her. Eventually, I would feel the love, comfort, and support I need. And I would be used to help her have as many orgasms as she wants, in whatever fashion she wants. 

Because of my behavior, I seriously doubt I would have an orgasm. But when she is finished with me, I would be broken down in tears, and loved. And she would never let go of me. A warm embrace would end the evening.

You DID ask.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

LoveLonely said:


> Okay, I will SERIOUSLY answer that question. I would want her to LITERALLY grab me by the balls and make me stop whatever I was doing. She of course would be considerate enough, as she squeezes harder, to ask if there is anything that demands my immediate attention. She would ask if I need to go to the restroom. If so, she would smack my butt so hard as she tells me, "you've got one minute. Go."
> 
> Leading me by the ear, and balls, she would then throw me on the bed. She may smack my face a few times and physically hold me down. She would very forcibly tell me that she is very sorry for what has happened to me and that she is there for me. She would squeeze my balls so hard, forcing me to confess that I believe her.
> 
> ...


I did ask. And I found your answer quite eloquent. There's just a teensy little problem on our end: I'm his sub. Big time.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> I did ask. And I found your answer quite eloquent. There's just a teensy little problem on our end: I'm his sub. Big time.


Oh geeze, I am sorry for my answer. You guys ever switch? lol Best of luck to you.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

LoveLonely said:


> Oh geeze, I am sorry for my answer. You guys ever switch? lol Best of luck to you.


No worries--I might have to show him your post just to watch him squirm. We don't really switch except to goof around sometimes. I will shove him down and straddle him, that sort of thing. But ball squeezing, spitting in his mouth, and not letting him come are probably off the menu.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Well this thread certainly took an unexpected turn.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Davelli0331 said:


> Well this thread certainly took an unexpected turn.


:rofl: I know! That's one of the reasons I love TAM so much!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Davelli0331 said:


> Well this thread certainly took an unexpected turn.


:iagree:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP I am not a man but will answer from the POV of a woman that loves a man with a very high stress job. IMHO this is one of those issues that needs to be discussed at a time where stress is not an issue, it is important to learn about each other at a deep level.

I can pretty much read his signals and instead of jumping on him even though it is what I want, I give him the space to unwind and to let go of the day when he comes home from work. Sometimes he wants some action as soon as he is in the door, I let him lead this if I know he has had a killer of a day.

He used to switch from being in the present with me in the mornings to thinking about work during breakfast. I let him know that I value our time together and asked if he could be present with me and clear his mind of work until he left the house.

We do have a very active sex life and I know that he has a very high threshold to stress so it does not impact our sex life much at all. But one thing I do for him in the morning is to offer him a quickie. We always set the alarm to go off 10 minutes before we have to get up, I will tell him he has 3 minutes if he wants to go to work with a smile on his face, he has never knocked the offer back.
I love to be able to send him off for the day a happy man


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Holland said:


> OP I am not a man but will answer from the POV of a woman that loves a man with a very high stress job. *IMHO this is one of those issues that needs to be discussed at a time where stress is not an issue, *it is important to learn about each other at a deep level.
> 
> I can pretty much read his signals and instead of jumping on him even though it is what I want, I give him the space to unwind and to let go of the day when he comes home from work. Sometimes he wants some action as soon as he is in the door, I let him lead this if I know he has had a killer of a day.
> 
> ...


This is probably really good advice. Everyone handles stress differently. He may welcome the break, or he may lose his mind because while he's being tempted away, that one vital detail he's been thinking about for an hour slips through his grasp.

Knowing how he's likely to react before you make a move is probably a good idea.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

this is one of those situations where i like to apply my motto on life...

""take a shot of whiskey and ****ing figure it out"

i agree with holland, you should try to talk about this when stress is not an issue. 

that said, a morning BJ would straight up make my day. the only caveat to that is that the morning is not my best time to "perform", so if my wife gave me a blowjob and i felt like she expected me to have sex with her, i would feel pressured and it would add to the stress. 
however, if she just gave me a BJ because she wants to make me feel like i am "THE MAN" and put me in a good mood, it would dramatically reduce my stress level.

i guess a lot of it has to do with the approach.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I just want to congratulate you on trying to help out your husband. I also have a high stress position. To me, sex is a great stress reliever. However, my wife tells me that she is not to be used as my stress relief. I just end up hitting the gym harder for stress relief.


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## daSaint (Sep 20, 2013)

I don't work from home, so i do my best to leave work stress at the office. The emotions accumulated from all that stress makes me really so horny. However, if i was stressed from working on a project at home, what i need is her encouragement/affirmation with words and non sexual touches and some form of humor from her. This would ease the stress for me and in time, will get my engine revving. You can give it a try. Provide him with subtle pleasant distractions, not necessarily sexual. If his response is +ve to your distractions, i guess you know how to escalate things from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Holland said:


> OP I am not a man but will answer from the POV of a woman that loves a man with a very high stress job. IMHO this is one of those issues that needs to be discussed at a time where stress is not an issue, it is important to learn about each other at a deep level.


I agree--talking about this issue when he's in the midst of stress would end in disaster. We have begun to discuss how to best approach the other person when they are not "at their best." I need to specifically know how to offer sexual release for him when he's not in the mood. He agrees that he always feels better after the fact, but that slowing down and stepping away from the stress long enough to let me do what needs to be done is the sticking point. He doesn't switch gears easily when he's stressed--even a quickie BJ doesn't appeal to him when he's high stress.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I must have something weird going on. I can change gears pretty easy and it's stress relief for me to get it on. Only something drastic like a death in the family, or something going on that could have cost me my job would slow me down.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

GettingIt said:


> I agree--talking about this issue when he's in the midst of stress would end in disaster. We have begun to discuss how to best approach the other person when they are not "at their best." I need to specifically know how to offer sexual release for him when he's not in the mood. He agrees that he always feels better after the fact, but that slowing down and stepping away from the stress long enough to let me do what needs to be done is the sticking point. He doesn't switch gears easily when he's stressed--even a quickie BJ doesn't appeal to him when he's high stress.


Now you know what it's like for so many of us menfolk when we're trying to get our wives in the mood!

Joking aside, I can be this way, too. What works for me is for my W to text/sext with me throughout the day. This helps keep sex on my mind so that it's not a "surprise, guess what else you have to take care of today" once I get home sorta deal.

Also, TBQH, walking in the door to a clean house and a stiff drink really help ease the stress. I'm sure that sounds very chauvinist but there it is all the same.

The underlying thought though is that once I walk in the door, there are no outstanding obligations for me to attend to. I see that my wife has gone way out of her way to clean the house and make me a drink, ie, to take care of things such that I can just forget about my troubles.

And if she happens to be wearing something sexy, that certainly helps.

However, your H also needs to meet you halfway. We encourage Ws with drives that can get hot but require some preliminary fanning to allow themselves to be open to that fanning in the first place. I've had to do the same, sort of mentally push away the thought that sex is another task to complete, and allow myself to be turned on, if that makes sense.

DISCLAIMER: I understand that it's sexist to talk about a woman cleaning house, and me being a H in a marriage where both of us work, I completely understand that it is not the woman's place to clean the house and that in such marriage it's a joint chore.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Davelli0331 said:


> DISCLAIMER: I understand that it's sexist to talk about a woman cleaning house, and me being a H in a marriage where both of us work, I completely understand that it is not the woman's place to clean the house and that in such marriage it's a joint chore.


The more my husband and I delve into how sex fits into the psychology of our relationship, the more I come to realize how some adopting some good ol' sexism in our PRIVATE LIFE keeps things chugging along quite nicely. If I'm asking him to up his alpha for me, then I better meet him at the door with a smile and a martini. 

Joking aside, while I can multi-task in the midst of chaos like a champ, my husband (like many men, I think) needs to focus deeply on one thing at a time, and get clear breaks between tasks. It does help him relax when I can clear his "home and family" plate as much as possible when he's under lots of stress at work.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

GettingIt, I'm just curious--what's your main indicator that he IS stressed? I only ask because I've been at my wits end a few times with stress, and my wife didn't really seem to notice the difference. Not sure if that means I'm burying it or she's just not picking up on it.

Is he grumpy? unavailable? does he just tell you?

Edit: you already stated he is grumpy and unavailable (reading comprehension ftw!), but is that always attributable to work stress?


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I am dealing with a busy season myself. I did ask for a lighter work load since I lost my mom, but I wasn't given as much as I would like. But at least they gave me something. 

But yea, when I come home with a brief case of work I still have to do, and the...SO comes up wanting to have some couple time, I am not really in the mood. 
Then after a 12-14 hour work day, if not longer, I am usually too tired to have fun. 

Morning sex is really the best thing in these seasons. I am not too tired from having to work, I am ready and eager. 
But I would suggest getting a can of mints and storing them at each of your bedsides. 
Because waking up to morning sex is awesome. Waking up to a mouthful of morning breath is not.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Davelli0331 said:


> Now you know what it's like for so many of us menfolk when we're trying to get our wives in the mood!
> 
> Joking aside, I can be this way, too. What works for me is for my W to text/sext with me throughout the day. This helps keep sex on my mind so that it's not a "surprise, guess what else you have to take care of today" once I get home sorta deal.
> 
> ...


As a highly independent, strong woman that believes in equality I don't see your post as sexist. Equity is as important and what each couple find equitable for them is totally up to them.

Sounds more like you have a good understanding of each other and live a life that suits you.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> GettingIt, I'm just curious--what's your main indicator that he IS stressed? I only ask because I've been at my wits end a few times with stress, and my wife didn't really seem to notice the difference. Not sure if that means I'm burying it or she's just not picking up on it.
> 
> Is he grumpy? unavailable? does he just tell you?
> 
> Edit: you already stated he is grumpy and unavailable (reading comprehension ftw!), but is that always attributable to work stress?


No, the grumpiness and emotional unavailability have always been symptoms of tension in our marriage, too. However, that is the case much less often since we reconciled last April. 

I do try to be careful not to misread his stress, but he often is unwilling to admit that it's work and not something else. When he's under the gun at work, he has much less tolerance for other pressure points in our life, and he's more eager to blame those things instead of work. So, I've been trying not to try and root out reasons so much as just address the stress as it arises. It's a dangerous time to approach him about ANYTHING that can wait--I try to put all discussions about the running of our household or our relationship on hold until the stress passes.

As far as other stress symptoms, yes there are some. He tends to snack a lot more. He falls off his exercise routine. He normally loves unsolicited hugs and kisses from me, but they seem to annoy him when he's stressed. He stays up later after finishing work to unwind on the computer. He avoids social contact with his family and friends. Part of it has to do with trying to maintain his focus, I'm sure. 

Have you ever talked to your wife about your work stress? I think a lot of men just accept it as unavoidable, and believe that the only way to alleviate it is to get through the work that is causing the stress. Same goes for women, I suppose. We just want the source of the stress to resolve so we can get back to regular life. A spouse who is trying to help alleviate the stress might be seen as just another distraction from actually banishing the source of it.


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## Rugby (Dec 21, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> My husband has a job that periodically causes him stress that affects our intimacy. If the stress is only for a day or two and then he bounces back, I'm usually okay with giving him room and waiting it out. But sometimes it lasts for days, and he is grumpy and emotionally unavailable and it can sort of put us into a spiral that is hard to dig out of.
> 
> So when a few days go by, and he's still stressed and remote, I start to look for things to do to keep him more even keel. One things that usually makes him reset is sex. The problem is getting him to want to take the time. He works at home and I'm a SAHM, but our three kids are in school during the day, so opportunity is not lacking. He is normally an extremely high drive man, and he is very attracted to me . . . but all that seems to go out the window with the stress. I know if I could just get him to let me give him a BJ or have even a quickie he would feel better.
> 
> Here is my question for men (finally): When you are having extended periods of job stress that if affecting your drive, what would be the best way for your wife to approach you for sex? He knows I am more than available (I'm horny as hell, truth be told), but I've tried everything from strolling naked into his office to more subtle come ons. I've stayed positive and supportive and have asked what I can do to help. He keeps telling me things like, "Just handle the kids and keep them quiet." Yeah, yeah yeah . . . I KNOW what he needs. How do I get him to take it?


I can relate to your husband. My job is very stressfull and kills my desire for sex. I am relatively young, very fit, and have no health problems. However, when I am stressed, I have little to no desire for sex. The stress makes me restless so I do not sleep well. After a few nights of poor sleep, I have no libido at all. So, the answer for me is workout really hard (crossfit or a long run) and become so exhausted that I sleep well. A good night sleep completely restores my drive. On vacation when I a free of stress and get plenty of sleep, I am good to go five times a day. My suggestion is to be patient and understanding. For obvious physiological reasons, we can only have sex if we are into it. As the adage goes,"penises don't lie".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Papa Bear85 (Dec 21, 2013)

Stress can make a mans drive tank. Trust me. Just went through a 5 month stress induced coma lol. My wife knew I wanted it but I couldn't focus. Between work, the house, family, and other things. I felt like a zombie. Sometimes it just takes time. Keep your chin up and just be supportive. He will come out of it.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

It's been said in this thread before, but let nature and his circulatory system work with you. If you've been working 12-hour days for several weeks, it's all down the drains in the evenings and morning is your best best shot.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Juicer said:


> But I would suggest getting a can of mints and storing them at each of your bedsides.
> Because waking up to morning sex is awesome. Waking up to a mouthful of morning breath is not.


This cracks me up--morning breath is the NUMBER ONE reason that turns me off morning sex. It's been suggested enough in this thread that I'm gong to give it more of a try, though. Just no face to face positions . . . .


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