# Wife has Hashimoto's / hypothyroid....



## 5280 (Dec 10, 2015)

Hey folks. Long time lurker but first time poster. Going to try and not write a one paragraph novel here describing our situation cause those are so hard to read. Hopefully bullet style will make it easier for anyone who would like to respond. I'll make the first post short and sweet and I can expound on any points that you would like. Thanks!

Stay at home wife has Hashimoto's/hypothyroidism. Diagnosed a couple years ago. She is trying to find the right meds and doses to help with her levels and hopefully to feel better. Goes to a naturopath and I support all of this. So far she hasn't found the right combination but I do hope she can some day.

Two small kids, 3 and 7, who are very active and she can't handle them alone. I work 7 on and 7 off and when I'm not working I have the kids so she can have some restful time.

Background. She comes from a broken home. I come from a white-picket type of family. Both of us were poor but I come from a loving home and she didn't so I can't imagine how that has affected her growing up.

She does drugs (marijuana hopefully is all). Always has. I don't and never have. I thought she quit when we got married but she just hid it well. I find her paraphernalia all over the place now.

We used to go to church regularly. Now we don't. I'd like the kids to have a church like community and more positivity in their life. I think she has become atheist at least her views seem that way.

I love to be out doing things. I take the kids with me everywhere. We go biking, snowboarding, sledding, swimming, playing at the park, etc. No lie. We do a lot. She used to do this stuff with us but over last few years it's just been me and the kids and she stays at home and watches tv. I still keep asking but the answer is always the same.

We didn't ever have to argue the first few years together (before kids). Now it's everyday. I'm passive, she's aggressive. Arguments are one sided with her cussing and screaming and me trying to calm her down in front of the kids. 

Lately her argument enders have been "then fine, I'm leaving. I'm done!" So each of the last 3 days I've politely but firmly told her that I think her finding a place of her own on my weeks off could be good for her. Get some much needed rest and alone time. Just a mutual trial separation. Not divorce. I knew all along she was bluffing but I can't just keep letting her think that she can bully me into doing whatever she wants right? Yesterday she got out of the car and tried to walk home. I assume because her bluff had been called.

We have been doing counseling both solo and together. But unfortunately it doesn't seem to be helping. I feel bad for her because I have done hours of reading up on her disease and she/we are going through exactly the same as all the blogs and articles and stories I've read. In her case though, I just don't see why she can keep using it as an excuse to verbally abuse me and the kids consistently. I'm worn out. I know she is too.

This combined with the aforementioned issues (drugs, religious differences) are making me think about an impending D-day. That's not what I want but I don't think that her being unhappy is an excuse to make us all unhappy.

I've never cheated on her or anyone I've ever dated in my life. She had an EA last year. I knew about it all along and gave her chances to hang with me when I knew she was going out to see him. We talked about it in therapy and she said it would end and I see no signs of her having continued the relationship since then so that's good. But I can't help but wonder if it's gone even more underground?

Which brings me to the next issue. She lies a lot. Always has. Not sure what the reasoning for her simple lies are but she always brushes them off as I was just kidding. It didn't mean anything. Was just joking. Stories she told me long ago turned out not to be true. She has more ex-friends than current friends. She says all the neighbors hate her (and I do see that). But for every single story, it's always THEIR fault. Not once has she ever told me that she was the reason for a failed friendship. These same neighbors wave and say hi to me though. Just hard for me to believe.

I'm going to try and hold on for the sake of the kids but deep down in my heart I know that if we were in this situation without kids then I'd have left a long time ago. (not directly because of the sickness but because of her behavior). The sickness has just amplified all the issues.

So I'm wondering even if she finds that right combo of meds and therapy to deal with her Hashimoto's will she just snap out of this evil spell she seems to be under? Even if she isn't angry anymore, she still will never stop doing drugs, won't stop lying, won't stop amplifying situations (all things she did long before she was ever diagnosed). She told me she will never be the same person she used to be (in response to me telling her I love and miss the old her).

I don't want this to be a bashing session on her though. She tries really hard to be a good mom and a good wife. The stress of the disease and lack of sleep though has unleased a lot of her inner demons.

But I'm torn on my thoughts about the woman who one moment is cuddling with and tickling our 3 yr old son and then the very next moment tells him while he's crying and pulling at his ears that if he doesn't stop she's going to cut his head off.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you so much.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Her Hashimoto's and her other issues are completely separate, I would treat them as such. I doubt getting her thyroid going in tthe right direction is going to help with her being a liar, and a cheater. I'm a but puzzled about how this thread went from a health concern into one about drug abuse and a personality disorder. Have you posted here before under another name? The secret pot smoking and church thing is very familiar.

Her behavior with your child is really concerning, she needs more therapy. Is she lying to her therapist too? I'd bet she is.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Wow. Where to start...

_"She tries really hard to be a good mom and a good wife. The stress of the disease and lack of sleep though has unleased a lot of her inner demons."_

From what you said in your post, I'm having trouble seeing where she tries hard to be a good mother. Or wife. I think you may be in more than a little bit of denial there. Good mothers don't do drugs around their small children or tell them she is going to "cut their head off". Good wives don't cheat. That's just not acceptable - and her thyroid condition is no excuse.

What is this "naturopath" giving her to treat the thyroiditis? (I have to be careful here, as I'm not a "naturopath" type of person). Thyroid hormone replacement therapy is a tricky thing to manage, even for an endocrinologist, so I'm just wondering.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

FWIW, if she was actually leaving the house to spend time w/ her EA partner, then it was more than an EA.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

This may all tie together much more than you think. My wife has hashi and is hypo, actually had her thyroid removed last year. WE have dealt with this issue for 12 years so I have seen how it affects a person. While she never got into drugs a thyroid storm and the resulting hormonal changes makes for very wild mood swings and when levels are off enough can make for extended periods of irrational behavior. 

I imagine the pot is to calm her nerves, at least that is how she justifies it now. But the best bet is to get her to a good endocrinologist to get her levels on track. diet and exercise are extremely important too, if she does not do them then no drug will work to full potential.

My wife swapped to Armour Thyroid several years and it gave the best most even results. But since having her thyroidectomy last year she has been slowly being switched over to synthetics. the first couple months her levels were so low she literally went crazy. Thoughts of leaving me, suicide and even absolute hatred for everyone except our kids. Once the docs got her levels closer to normal she nearly lost it again when the reality of what she almost did hit her. 

So as a "hashi husband" I can tell you the BEST thing you can do is be there for her and learn with her. Go to her appointments, read up on the disease, and show genuine sympathy. She needs all the emotional support she can get.


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## 5280 (Dec 10, 2015)

Thanks for the quick responses!

I have never posted here before but I would love to see the posts you are referring to that sounds similar.

I posted on this forum because I do understand that her thyroid issues are a huge part of this puzzle. But I'm trying to also put all the issues out there that are troubling me/us to see if and how they may be tied together. 

Her pot use apparently has been there since high school or so so it was not medicinal for her initially. She tells me now it's medicinal. I'll leave that up for discussion though. She doesn't do it around me and I sure hope not around the kids but she doesn't try very hard to hide the stuff.

The other guy was a friend from her high school who was one of her smoking buddies. 

Anything that I have typed that doesn't make sense or you would like further explanation please don't hesitate to ask. I want to be fair to her and try and tell the whole story as I'm not perfect either.

I definitely need to go with her to her dr appt to see what's being done. She's on synthroid but I have asked her to look into armour thyroid as well.

Again thanks for any and all advice you may have for us.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

5280 said:


> Thanks for the quick responses!
> 
> I have never posted here before but I would love to see the posts you are referring to that sounds similar.
> 
> ...


As someone mentioned above, I personally feel that Armour is the way to go, as Synthroid is less consistent/stable. Certainly avoid the generic versions of synthetic thyroid (just my opinion). But, it all really depends on how her T3, T4 and TSH levels are being managed and the meds adjusted accordingly. Please, encourage her to see an endocrinologist. This isn't really something that can be managed any other way, because it's just too complicated with all the labwork and interpretation. It takes an expert in endocrinology.


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## 5280 (Dec 10, 2015)

Thanks for the advice again. I'm going to see if she's willing to go see an endocrinologist with me. I really want her to get better. All the other issues Ive been able to put aside in the past but ever since being diagnosed and her condition not having improved those issues have been amplified to a level I do not consider acceptable. 

Another question... Is it ever acceptable to air out these grievances on social media? (Facebook). Now after each argument she goes to Facebook with a passive aggressive statement about us.

It took me a long time to decide to post here as I was afraid of what would be said about me or about her but I do appreciate all your insight whether it hurts to hear or not. 

Should I post about the other separate issues in another forum? Thanks!


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

Has she always been like that? My DW, who has hypothyroidism and fibro, went through a stage where I found it very difficult to be around her on account of her negativity and nasty attitude. The lying would concern me. Does your wife display sociopathic tendencies? Does she seem to be absent of emotion or do you find it difficult to gauge her emotional state?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I've had hashimoto's for 35 years. I'm fine. 

Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disease where your body attacks its own thyroid. Buy the book, "The Root Cause". The most important thing about Hashimoto's si diet. Certain foods have the identical protein receptors as the thyroid, thus when a certain food is eaten, the body attacks because it thinks it's attacking the thyroid. Medication will not fix all the problems. 

In the beginning, the diet is very restrictive. No dairy, gluten, nuts, grains, soy, eggs.... Google the Autoimmune Illimination Diet (AIP). Once you start feeling better, you introduce a food back to see if your body will react to it. Headache, rash, joint pain, puffy face.....the list goes on. Trust me. 

Hashimoto's is largely triggered by Lyme disease so she should be tested for Lyme. Don't use a regular doctor. Find a LLMD (lyme literate medical doctor) and have her blood sent to Igenex labs in California. Lyme can certainly cause mood swings, rage, and other awful things. 

If she can change her diet, this will change a lot. NO GLUTEN. Start with the above book and Lyme testing. 

If someone had told me this 35 years ago, it would have saved me many years of agony, weight gain, 5 misscarriages, ...... It will create havoc if not treated. Medication will help but it won't be enough. Hashimotos is forever although it can go into remission with diet and one can live a totally normal life. Lyme....., that's way more complicated.


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## 5280 (Dec 10, 2015)

She eats a very gluten free diet. She's always been a very healthy eater and I'm happy for her in that regard. She's doing a lot to battle this disease. I guess I'm just hoping that all will be back to "normal" some day. I KNOW that she wants that as well. 

She's had several miscarriages in the past and from what I've read that is a common occurrence with this disease. If that is the case for us then she's had this for quite some time now. And thus if that is the case then I don't know how much of the other issues are related to the disease or not? Or more specifically the severity of these other issues.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

5280 said:


> She comes from a broken home.... I come from a loving home and she didn't so I can't imagine how that has affected her growing up.


5280, in saying that she did not grow up in a loving home, are you saying she was emotionally abused, abandoned, or otherwise neglected by emotionally unavailable parents? If so, did the abuse occur largely before the age of 5? I ask because, when children are abused before that age, the abuse greatly increases the risk that their emotional development will freeze at that young age. 

If that freeze occurs, one result is that they would be left fully reliant on the primitive ego defenses available to young children. These include denial (lying), projection, temper tantrums, black-white thinking, and magical thinking. Another result would be the lack of impulse control and the inability to manage and control their own emotions.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

Getting Support in Hashimoto's A message from my Hashimoto's Husband | Thyroid Pharmacist watch this and pay attention to it.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

Living with a Hypothyroid Wife | Top things 2 know is another good article to read.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

I don't think a naturopath is a good idea for management of hashimoto's. Every cell in your body needs thyroid hormone for metabolism so she *needs* to take thyroid hormone. The endocrinologist can help with med management.

My 21 yod was diagnosed with hashimoto's at age 16 and takes thyroid hormone. She was hyper at first, elevated heart rate, very thin, amenhorrea.


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