# Ex Not Paying Share of Medical



## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Hello Everyone,

My youngest daughter had braces put on earlier this year. I have some ortho coverage, and the rest is paid out when she goes in every 3 weeks for a checkup. Out here in Nevada, you're supposed to pay 50% of medical bills. XW isn't paying anything. I don't know if it's worth it at this point to try to go back to court - I mean will the expense of court make it a waste of time.

Have any of my fellow TAMers had a similar situation? This isn't a financial burden for me, but it's not an insubstantial amount. She apparently has process servers out to get her for debt owed, so who knows how she'd even pay at this point.

Thanks,

DPR


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When my ex died he owed me over $70,000.00 in child support.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea I did. My ex would not pay his share of anything. He paid the child support, but not his part of private school that he insisted on, medical bills, etc.

So I just kept a tally of it.

Then one time he did pay for something our son's summer camp and tried to get me to pay 50% of that. It turned out that after I subtracted his unpaid portion, I did not owe him anything for that camp.

Every month he would send me a accounting of every penny he spent on our son.... this was down to tooth brush, tooth paste, t-shirt, underpants, etc. And he deducted this from child support. That's not how child support works since the calculations take inot account that he too would need money for our son.

I kept all of his letters detailing his accounting and deductions from child support.

Eventually I pulled our son out of that private school because there were real problems with the school. My ex took me back to court to try to force our son back into that school. He was also trying once again to get 100% custody because as he said, "I'm a doctor. She's only an engineer." Anyway I gave the court copies of all the letters saying that he was nickel and diming child support, etc.

He never did get custody. The court agreed that I had cause to remove our son from that school. And my ex got chewed out by the judge for withholding child support and for the abusive things he said in the many letters and emails he sent me. That stopped all the nonsense from him.

That said, if I were you, I would write her asking very politely that she pay her portion of the bills. Email might work better than snail mail these days. And then I would keep a copy of all her return emails. Get a record going. If she does not pay her share, speak to an attorney. You might be able to deduct her portion from child support, but follow the instructions your attorney gives you.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Court isn't expensive, in fact it's usually free.

You might want to consider representing yourself, just make sure you have all the required bills and documentation to prove your case. Should be fairly easy to show what you've spent and what he hasn't paid. 

If you hire an attorney, quite often the loser pays the attorney fees of the winner.

Might be worth a consult with an attorney, which is often at no charge.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

How do you have an XW? I thought the DPR left no survivors...

I have a feeling I'll be in your shoes in the not so distant future. My personal belief is that since I can easily afford to pay more than my share and since it's for my kids that I won't worry about. Instead I'll just keep a tally and send a certified letter once a year detailing the unpaid expenses to my XWW. This way if my ex ever takes me to court to ask for more child support I'll countersue for the money she owes and ask to either garnish her wages or deduct it from future child support payments. If she never takes me to court then I'll drop it because it's not enough money to be worth going to court over.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Thanks everyone. I have been back to court once. That was when my oldest daughter turned 18 and moved in with me. She was still in high school, so I went back requesting the child support be canceled now that she lives with me. That went well, especially when the ex called the judge a "mean person" after the request was granted. I didn't use a lawyer that time. But that was just a requeset to amend the existing decree, so I didn't know if this would be a different process or not.

I only have 3 months left on CS for my youngest daughter. But I will pay alimony for a couple of years, so maybe I could get a month or two credit or something like that. It would be the only way I'd get anything out of her. But she bought a plane ticket to go see our daughter play in a volleyball tournament. She is still a mess. Probably always will be.

DPR


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You can easily do this yourself, especially if this is the only issue. You would only be giving the bill to the court. She then would have to offer up why she isn't abiding by her obligations. She can try to raise other things, but unless she files a counterclaim, the court won't hear it.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> I have a feeling I'll be in your shoes in the not so distant future. My personal belief is that since I can easily afford to pay more than my share and since it's for my kids that I won't worry about. Instead I'll just keep a tally and send a certified letter once a year detailing the unpaid expenses to my XWW. This way if my ex ever takes me to court to ask for more child support I'll countersue for the money she owes and ask to either garnish her wages or deduct it from future child support payments.


Unfortunately it doesn't usually work that way, even though you presented it in a reasonable and logical way, which you would naturally expect the courts to follow. But they don't, which is why so many who are familiar with the "system" say it's broken. 

You naturally expect the child support payments to make to your wife to be used for the benefit of your children. Odds are most of it will be spent on your exwife's personal needs and your children will only see a small part of it. You'd naturally expect if you presented the court with proof that the child support is not being used to pay for the expenses of the children, the courts would penalize your wife in some way and/or give you some sort of credit for those bills which you paid yourself, over and above the child support and alimony payments. But they don't. 

Welcome to the real world of the divorce court system where the court doesn't care how the child support payments are spent, and the parents who receive support payments selfishly utilize the funds for themselves to the detriment of their children.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

@browser - I think we are talking about two different things. I know I have no say in how the ex spends her child support payments, and quite frankly I couldn't care less. But I can sue her for not paying her share of the kid bills (when that happens) and I would get a judgment against her. It is specifically listed in the custody agreement what each of our portions is and the legal ramifications of not paying our share. Whether the court will credit it against child support or make me do a garnishment against her wages from working is up to the individual judge. But, both are known to happen.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> @browser - I think we are talking about two different things. I know I have no say in how the ex spends her child support payments, and quite frankly I couldn't care less. But I can sue her for not paying her share of the kid bills (when that happens) and I would get a judgment against her. It is specifically listed in the custody agreement what each of our portions is and the legal ramifications of not paying our share. Whether the court will credit it against child support or make me do a garnishment against her wages from working is up to the individual judge. But, both are known to happen.


 @Bananapeel

I was about to post "It doesn't matter whether she pays the kid's bills or not" but then I see you specifically addressed that in your custody agreement. Nice job. Either you or your attorney are smarter than most by making sure that clause was in there. Now, hopefully if and when it is placed in front of a court they won't simply ignore it. This may be one of those things where you go into court wondering how you'll be credited for the payments you've made on your exwife's behalf and you walk out of there stewing and saying "how the heck can the judge let her get away with that?".

I know I'm being negative but I've been there.


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