# Desperation



## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

So the skinny of the situation is that my wife and I have been married for going on 4 years now. We have two children together. The marriage has been rocky, with ups and downs... We've always managed to get a crying and promising to change stage... we cry, tell each other everything, and change things for a few days... then fall back into the normal goings on. It wasn't always so unhappy, though, with hindsight, I wish I'd have gone to the Lord and a good marriage councilor. Instead I'm now in a position that just looks so darn helpless.

My wife is a compulsive liar and I've just let that go for years. I will say that there has been confirmed evidence that she has bi-polar disorder, though that didn't come from her... The other option if I choose to believe her is that she has a personality disorder, and things that have been bandied about before was it being just manic depression... or nothing at all... she didn't need meds... I love this woman to the moon and back and am in a place of understanding not jealousy nor rage. I offer this information for consideration during the next series of events that have occurred in my life. I don't feel that anyone connected to this situation (which should just be between myself and my wife) will have access to what I post. I truly hope so. 

My wife always wanted to be part of the military before we got married. When I got out of the Army I didn't want her to join and talked her out of the idea completely. Fast forward to about 7-8 months ago... I reintroduced the idea that she join the military. I did this because I came to realize that we were in a better place while I was in, and that she had at one point wished to be in herself. She was excited for the prospect and began to lose the weight she needed to join... No judgement please... but we decided to hide the fact that she had been in a psychiatric hospital for 6 month about 5 years ago. According to her she never belonged there in the first place... the situation being that her Dad and her had a huge blowup and he left her there not wanting to bring her home. I drank the kool-aid.

A few months go by... We enjoy one anothers company, and raising the children as usual... We're living with my toxic family at this point and they actually end up assaulting her with me in the room (something she'd been telling me she'd been doing, but... it wasn't that I didn't believe her, it was that I didn't believe they would do that). So we took off back to live near her family while awaiting her to go off to basic training. I am lazy throughout this marriage... I'm a lazy bones... but we'll address this later. We head up to the hotel before she goes to training and it's the worst experience ever... She's crying, I'm crying... neither of us is sure this is a good idea. We get to the swear in... and she asks me if I'm sure this is what I want... I don't... I'm shouting no in my head... but this could just be cold feet right? So I somehow say "yes". She goes off to training... and I go home with the kids. 

I am a terrible housekeeper throughout the time she's gone. Just terrible. I keep it just barely to the point where the kids wouldn't get taken away. I'm a wreck just struggling without her. I was in her shoes. I realized it and that was the moment I realized I needed to start changing some things... Unfortunately this took some time... and she ended up being caught on the bi-polar thing and sent home early... to a house not yet completed. There isn't an excuse in the world, or an apology big enough. It broke her heart that not only did she not have a welcome home party (which I know she didn't want, not while feeling like she failed right?) nor a clean house when that's all I had to do while she was gone... Clean the house, be a parent to my kids, and some college work. Nothing else. I also didn't manage to lose nearly as much weight as she'd wanted me to. 

She yelled at me about the house for a bit, and for a bit there I tried to keep up with her with cleaning after she got home... but I wasn't trying hard enough. She needed a break so she took off to see some friends in The Other Town... We live in Hometown. I work on cleaning the house a bit and a few days later she's home and refreshed. The next day my son has a seizure in my arms and stops breathing... we both though my 1 year old boy died at that moment but she began cpr and managed to bring him back. I called 911 and soon we were at the hospital. 

I managed to mess up again by acting like I wanted to take him home from the ER... when instead I just managed to get a social worker there because we don't have insurance and I needed to make sure his medicaid was still on or find out what my options were. Mind you at this point he was doing a lot better. I had a social worker there in less than 5 minutes. I addressed those issues, and my son was admitted to the hospital just like he was always destined to do. They couldn't have sent me home from that ER if they wanted to. I hate that she didn't have faith in me on this. 

Well the first day we're in the hospital (the day we arrived) a good friend of my wife's came to check on our kids. She's actually my son's godparent as well. My wife sat on her phone while his godmamma held my son. I didn't even notice my wife's activity... I just kept watching him to make sure he'd be okay... since there were no warnings the last time he stopped breathing. 

That observation was made by my wife's friend... who actually took it upon herself to read the text messages my wife was finding more important than her god baby. My wife was texting a gentleman from The Other Town that she'd denied the opportunity for a relationship in the past. That's what she told the Godmamma too when asked about him. I'm not the jealous type, but my wife felt it was inappropriate to continue her relationships with certain people during the marriage. She didn't tell me she did this when she did it, though I do know that she didn't maintain contact with them. I just never asked.

Later that night I am told that my daughter can't stay with us in the hospital and that we need to go home... My wife stays the night the first night and complains that she got no sleep. So she asked me to stay the second night. I agree to do it... just found it odd that she didn't want to stay no matter what. I didn't address that with her though. I just went business as usual...

April fool’s Day, she wants a divorce.
No I'm not kidding, she told me she wanted a divorce on April fool’s Day, two days after my son went through what he did. I didn't know how to take it... and reminded her that it was April Fools... She didn't expand too much on it... other than she wasn't happy and just wanted to be happy... herself... by herself... no one else. So I'm really really hurt but we get discharged from the hospital so I decide to take the opportunity for a long drive/talk. I try to find out where this came from. I know she might not be happy, but I attribute that in my head to her failing at the army and missing the kids those months... and my not having the house clean. I really just didn't see this coming like this... I figured some sort of ultimatum or something... Instead I just get that "it's over". 

So we actually are intimate the next few days... I am being really sweet on her, and she's being affectionate. Though at the time she was a little guarded about certain things that I at the time was feeling uncomfortable about. She also didn't shave her legs or netheryaya for this time... I just let it go pretended not to notice or care because honestly I'm not that shallow. The day after the revelation of the divorce we go see a friend that is essentially a sister to her and drink and enjoy our time together. During this however my wife actually calls me by the name of the man she didn't tell me she was texting in the hospital. It made me remember that she had been wearing a necklace that he'd supposedly given her back before we married. That was a red flag but I conscientiously put it to the back of my mind. I trust my wife right? That's what makes a marriage, trust. She had a good excuse for it... she was texting him at the time and didn't think about it.

Friday rolls around, and we go out to eat with the kiddos as always. I'm still dealing with how I'm going to fix our relationship... I feel pretty hurt and am thinking of all the things I messed up... She decides she needs some clothes... She explains that she’s trying to be a new her, and she needs to change her appearance for it... So we go to the store, and I help her pick some apparel that she's drop dead gorgeous in. I even convinced her to try on dresses since I've never really seen her wear them and I think she'd be beautiful in them.... I tell her this too... We get done with finding clothes for her and head over to find me some clothes because my pants are literally falling off with the weight I lost. We get over to the men's clothing and she is reluctant to help me... She almost has a visceral reaction to the idea. But she snaps back real quick and we get me three pairs of pants, and a shirt she picked out half-heartedly (which actually looks great by the way) We check out... Go to eat again... It really seemed like an enjoyable date, like she was really bright eyed and I just assumed it was for me. 

We get home and all of a sudden she remembers that one of her friends in The Other Town and her have plans for the next day. So I kiss her goodbye (it's like 8 at night on a Friday and she really really doesn't want to stay the night and leave in the morning) and off she goes with the kids. The kids went with her because I work Saturday. That is what I believed at the time. I go to work the next day and I am just having this huge panic attack all day, but I'm ignoring it as best I can. I didn't even put the affair pieces together at this point, but my subconscious is suspicious as hell and letting me know through horrible feelings in my shrinking gut. <In before recommendations to go get valium> 

So I'm losing it... ever since she came back home the house has been messing with me. It felt like there were eyes everywhere. It was awful. Her/and or the kids made it tolerable but now I'm feeling left out and abandoned in this house that just hasn't felt right lately. So I call her, and ask if I can join her in The Other Town... She said no... I mentioned that I was just going to walk towards The Other Town and stay at a hotel along the way until she came home Tuesday when she could pick me up. She's not just saying no, she's saying hell no... And stay the **** home. Even after I mentioned just driving down, I'd get the "do whatever you want" mixed with the no's by the way... I think this is again my subconscious just looking for red flags. 

Anyways, I essentially say that I do what I want, in my head, and proceed down to Henderson about 90 miles out of The Other Town. On my way there my transmission fries out, but I still make it to the hotel... Hang out with the battle buddy from the army. Tell him everything... 

The next day I take my car and drop it off with the mechanic. I call him, he picks me up, and we head to The Other Town to grab buy a transmission for my car since his town doesn't have any phone calls aren't getting the job done. Along the way I manage to finally call a place that directs me to another place that just happens to have one sitting out of state. So I check my bank account and find the kind of purchases that make you get hit with shock. Especially when you just talked to your wife and she said she had only spent x dollars. Well I found purchases for Victoria's Secret, and for Spencer's gifts. So we drive to the mall... and I don't really know what I'm going to do... so I just go to the Spencer's and ask for a receipt print out for a purchase made with the card. They ask me for the name... Ten minutes later I'm staring at a purchase statement for flavored personal lubricant. I had no such luck at Victoria's Secret since I didn't know what was purchased there. I decided then to confront my wife. Better sooner than later right? 

So I ask my buddy to just go ahead and leave me there, and I let my wife believe that I was stuck at the mall. Three hours later she calls and says she was at an interview and was perplexed at why I'd be in the other town. She picks me up reluctantly. I get in the car; I look at my phone and ask what she got at Spencer's... "A ring" she says... so I look at her again in the eye, she looks away and says a ring. Looked like she was about to cry, then she ate it. Swallowed it whole and turned on the anger. So I said "Is that everything?" and reached down to my pocket for the receipt. "Yes"... "What is that?" So I show her and read off Flavored Personal Lubricant. She thinks about it a bit and states that she didn't buy it... That So-and-so, the guy I suspect at this point mind you, bought it as a joke. A little bit later adds that it wasn't a joke on me, she said...

Anyways... so she's mad and asks me where to drop me off at and I inform her I'm not getting out of the car. Her fury is there, and I make her listen to me try and figure out what the hell is going on. Why suddenly she isn't even giving us a chance. After my son went through what he did. I didn't know how to take it... and reminded her that it was April Fools... She didn't expand too much on it... other than she wasn't happy and just wanted to be happy... herself... by herself... no one else. So I'm really really hurt but we get discharged from the hospital so I decide to take the opportunity for a long drive/talk. I try to find out where this came from. I know she might not be happy, but I attribute that in my head to her failing at the army and missing the kids those months... and my not having the house clean. I really just didn't see this coming like this... I figured some sort of ultimatum or something... Instead I just get that "it's over". 

So we actually are intimate the next few days... I am being really sweet on her, and she's being affectionate. Though at the time she's a little guarded about certain things that I at the time was feeling uncomfortable about. She also didn't shave her legs or netheryaya for this time... I just let it go pretended not to notice or care because honestly I'm not that shallow. The day after the revelation of the divorce we go see a friend that is essentially a sister to her and drink and enjoy our time together. During this however my wife actually calls me by the name of the man she didn't tell me she was texting in the hospital. It made me remember that she had been wearing a necklace that he'd supposedly given her back before we married. That was a red flag but I conscientiously put it to the back of my mind. I trust my wife right? That's what makes a marriage, trust. She had a good excuse for it... she was texting him at the time and didn't think about it.

Friday rolls around, and we go out to eat with the kiddos as always. I'm still dealing with how I'm going to fix our relationship... I feel pretty hurt and am thinking of all the things I messed up... She decides she needs some clothes... She explains that shes trying to be a new her, and she needs to change her appearance for it... So we go to the store, and I help her pick some apparel that she's drop dead gorgeous in. I even convinced her to try on dresses since I've never really seen her wear them and I think she'd be beautiful in them.... I tell her this too... We get done with finding clothes for her and head over to find me some clothes because my pants are literally falling off with the weight I lost. We get over to the men's clothing and she is reluctant to help me... She almost has a visceral reaction to the idea. But she snaps back real quick and we get me three pairs of pants, and a shirt she picked out half heartedly (which actually looks great by the way) We check out... Go to eat again... It really seemed like an enjoyable date, like she was really bright eyed and I just assumed it was for me. 

We get home and all of a sudden she remembers that one of her friends in the other town and her have plans for the next day. So I kiss her goodbye (it's like 8 at night on a friday and she really really doesn't want to stay the night and leave in the morning) and off she goes with the kids. The kids went with her because I work Saturday. That is what I believed at the time. I go to work the next day and I am just having this huge panic attack all day, but I'm ignoring it as best I can. I didn't even put the affair pieces together at this point, but my subconscious is suspicious as hell and letting me know through horrible feelings in my shrinking gut. <In before recommendations to go get valium> 

So I'm losing it... ever since she came back home the house has been messing with me. It felt like there were eyes everywhere. It was awful. Her/and or the kids made it tolerable but now I'm feeling left out and abandoned in this house that just hasn't felt right lately. So I call her, and ask if I can join her in The Other Town... She said no... I mentioned that I was just going to walk towards The Other Town and stay at a hotel along the way until she came home Tuesday when she could pick me up. She's not just saying no, she's saying hell no... and stay the **** home. Even after I mentioned just driving down. I'd get the "do whatever you want" mixed with the no's by the way... I think this is again my subconscious just looking for red flags. 

Anyways, I essentially say that I do what I want, in my head, and proceed down to Henderson about 90 miles out of The Other Town. On my way there my transmission fries out, but I still make it to the hotel... Hang out with the battle buddy from the army. Tell him everything... 

The next day I take my car and drop it off with the mechanic. I call him, he picks me up, and we head to The Other Town to grab buy a transmission for my car since his town doesn't have any phone calls aren't getting the job done. Along the way I manage to finally call a place that directs me to another place that just happens to have one sitting out of state. So I check my bank account and find the kind of purchases that make you get hit with shock. Especially when you just talked to your wife and she said she had only spent x dollars. Well I found purchases for Victoria's Secret, and for Spencer's gifts. So we drive to the mall... and I don't really know what I'm going to do... so I just go to the Spencer's and ask for a receipt print out for a purchase made with the card. They ask me for the name... Ten minutes later I'm staring at a purchase statement for Flavored personal lubricant. I had no such luck at Victoria's Secret since I didn't know what was purchased there. I decided then to confront my wife. Better sooner than later right? 

So I ask my buddy to just go ahead and leave me there, and I let my wife believe that I was stuck at the mall. Three hours later she calls and says she was at an interview and was perplexed at why I'd be in The Other town. She comes and picks me up. I get into the car and check my phone for the bank statement... I casually ask (which had to be seen through by anyone with an IQ above 20) what she purchased at Spencer's... She stated it was a ring... I look into her eyes, and ask if she's sure... She looked like she was about to scream... She says yes... So I pull the receipt out of my pocket, she squirms a bit... "What's that?" she asks. I tell her what it's a receipt for... About 20 seconds later she says it was a joke, that ... the guy... purchased it with her card. Says the joke wasn't meant to be on me or anything. Adds that in 15 seconds later... So she tells me how pissed she is at my accusations. Nothing is going on she says... but this is the third time in our marriage so she's gonna now... And she mentions a person she might have a fun experience with... so I call him. Ask him point blank if he wants to have such an experience with my wife. He immediately fumbles over himself and asks to speak to the wife. I hand her the phone and she tells him her side without even including all the details, because lets face it it's a new lie and she's gotta get the details down. Conversation ends and she had managed to drive to the wrong place... Tells me to get out... I tell her I won't get out of the car at all. Ever.

I have the worst conversation with her ever... piss her off completely... threaten some things that should never have come out of my mouth if certain things happened such as letting the kids call another man daddy. I cool down later and request to see the kids... She refuses because they're over at dude's house that I just accused her of being with. Not my problem I said. I just wanted to see them, haven't seen them in almost a week and it's ridiculous that she just decided to up and move to The Other town without even giving us a chance to work out our differences, be it as a couple or any other way. She refuses my last request about it which is that I just take us all out to dinner as a family before I head back to Hometown. 

So she has totally threatened worse things to me and the children in the past... Done worse. and I knew it was coming from a place of mental illness and ensured that during those times I was around more. I've been told though that because I didn't do anything legal or criminal about those things at the time I have no right to bring it up now. Please don't judge me... I was a man who loved his family. 

A couple hours roll by and she drops me off at the Greyhound station. I get my tickets and soon enough I'm headed home. Total time 8 hours until I'm home. I feel like a coward, a fool... I feel manipulated and cheated... but something clicks and I realize that it's not about us anymore. It's about something only she knows and has convinced herself of. The kids are safe right?

She was supposed to be home Tuesday because I convinced her to come home as I'm carless at this time. I have no groceries. Well Tuesday comes and goes... Wednesday comes and goes... She keeps changing her coming home time. Well yesterday she came home. She brought the dude I called about having his way with her... Apparently she had told him that I threatened to take her and the kids out if I couldn't have them. A very different conversation that my taking them out to dinner... so he came armed, concealed carry permit. She stayed for two hours packing... I talked to her about us... About how I love her and all, and hopes she uses the space I'm giving to miss me and come home... give me a second chance... She says she doesn't want to give me hope, which is what she's telling me the whole time now. Doesn't wanna give me any hope. 

She's told all sorts of lies about our marriage. Cut ties with folks who care about us as a family. Put words in folks mouths that have never been spoken, not just me, but friends, her mother, etc. It all happened in less than 2 weeks... complete destruction of everything I've loved these past four years. Hard times a lot of it... but we got closer as a result until the army. I've read some things that she wrote then... I figured since she took all the other important things that I was meant to read the not hidden letters to her in Basic... mine are missing of course. She had guys fawning over her there... She told people I was an unhealthy weight, told them about our marital issues, though I feel they were out of proportion... I know she wasn't happy, but she wasn't that unhappy either... and if she that unhappy I have no idea why she didn't recommend couples therapy or something... anything... 

No I just get dumped like I'm not the father of her children while she meets every sign that she's having an affair...

She came home those two hours to pack and grabbed all the liqour and condoms, and her personal sex toy that's been really unused this marriage. 

I'm depressed. I'll admit that. But I'm so darn angry. More than she could ever realize. She's taking our kids and showing them the wrong way to deal with life. It's abusive in my eyes. I have a home... bedrooms for each of them...

I know I was a lazy husband much of the time... but I don't deserve any of this. 

She's telling people she doesn't know if she'll date again, but if she does it wont be me, and if she ever decides to give me a second glance it wont be for a long time.

I thought about the 180... thought about all these ways... jealousy angle... something anything. 

It just doesn't seem like there's a soul there...


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

Sorry for writing a novel. Also... been trying to make myself publish this for days now...


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

It is long. 

I thought of a couple of things, but I'd better to go to bed now.

You could browse some of the other threads while you wait for replies ?

Long opening posts take ages to read, so I think it'll be a while.

You might find partial answers in other threads within the divorce/separation section.

Good luck.

S


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

Thank you Sandfly, been trolling a bit


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

I may have posted this in the wrong place... if so please move it thanks


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Sorry form what you are going thru. You are way better off without her though. To mr the ting that really sux is the kids being with her.

Now about the 180, the 180 is for you. My advice is get up get your house in order. Keep it clean, keep nutritious food on hand. If you can prove she is an unfit mother and it sounds like she is, you have a shot at custody. 

I have always been lazy my self, but I have overcome that, and you can too. Start exercising and lifting weights and get your mind clear. You will be in my prayers.


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

So... She's apparently at the movies with the kids... Asked her for a picture... Too dark she says... Phone doesn't have a light on it... She tried honestly she says... "Turn on the light" I say... silence


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

Bout to call the flipping police. Got the photo. finally though just now... She's accusing me of being impatient. Not cool using kids against me....

by the way... she's dating the guy in the reclined seat that you can't see... with my kids in the flipping car.


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

She updated her facebook status to "Separated"... so I just posted "I refuse to change my relationship status to reflect a status I'm not involved in." on my wall. I'm not going to make any of this easy on her


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

So an update. 

I have been brainwashed. It's worn off for the most part... Been emotionally and physically abused this relationship. My wife has definitely been having multiple sexual trysts throughout the marriage. She has in fact abused my children the entirety of the marriage.

I'm fighting for the kids. Time to get the lawyers. She'll end up having everything exposed during the divorce proceedings. 

Right now she is a danger to my children. 

I found out that the random seizure my son had has a very plausible explanation.Before she left for the military she expressed and stored breast milk for my son.
.. She was drinking the whole time.
Please pray for them.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

```

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Dagnabit said:


> So an update.
> 
> I have been brainwashed. It's worn off for the most part... Been emotionally and physically abused this relationship. My wife has definitely been having multiple sexual trysts throughout the marriage. She has in fact abused my children the entirety of the marriage.
> 
> ...


If you want a chance on getting you kids, you better get your house in order ASAP, and have food in the pantry. Turn off the TV, turn off the computer, turn off the video games, turn on the stero crank it up and clean your azz off.


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## Dagnabit (Apr 10, 2014)

Made another mistake. Reached out to someone to bring me down and give me the balls to get my kids back. Unfortunately I don't think this person had my best interest at heart. I'm just gonna go ahead and play the chain of events.

So I went to church for Palm Sunday. I go with my wife's family, and they're trying to help me through this tough time. I tell them everything and how I'm dying inside worried sick because I'm pretty sure she's not right in the head right then. This is Saturday night... Well I'm still up late into the night talking to them. I call my wife because she's moving money around and I've already set it to move out of the account and she's thinking I'm going to leave her dry (mind you I have proof that she told me she wasn't going to touch any of the money, that she was trying to do all this stuff alone and didn't need my money for it). She's drunk as hell. She's out of town, I don't know where the kids are, she's drunk as hell. We talk about the money and then I ask how the kids are and she tells me their great. Wtf. Sunday rolls around and I go to church with her family. We get done with church and later on they drop me off at home. 

I'm back to stewing and checking on my empty nest. Mind you at this time I've reached out to everyone I can. I check and a friend she'd introduced me to in the past... story time...

About a year and a half ago we go to meet this friend of hers that she hasn't talked to in years. This, unlike other friends, is a friend she's been through everything with in the past and have known each other practically since infancy. We go to a park for her child's birthday that day and I meet this friend for the first time in my life, never heard about her until this day.

About seven days later that friend calls us frantic from the hospital. She, three days prior, had given birth to her son. The claim was that she had no clue she was pregnant (she was skinny when I met her and I'm pretty good at telling if someone's pregnant and she fooled me). She said that she couldn't keep him (according to my wife) and that if we came we could adopt him. I explained to my wife that I didn't think I was ready for that, let alone ready to take a child from their mother without them thinking long and hard on it. In the meantime I was told that this person didn't want her dad to know about anything. So I agreed to take the child into my home. Temporarily. Until she sorted her crap out and could figure out what shoe wanted. Soon we had another child in our home. The girl was married at the time, emancipated, and 17, or so I was lead to believe. I to this day am still in a fog over all the things that have happened during my marriage. 
Anyways, so we take in the child, and the mother continues doing what does and what not, and visits fairly often. Her husband comes along too, but he just ends up drinking/sleeping, and I'm not too comfortable about it. Issue seems to resolve itself when they allegedly get into an argument about his drinking and he ends up just taking off out of state. Meanwhile this girls hanging around the house more often. My wife is during this time pushing me full steam into having sex with the girl. Telling the girl that she's in the way between mine and this girl's ultimate happiness together.

I'm losing my mind during this time... Being pushed and pulled and I'm cracking at the seems. There's another female mutual friend during this time that my wife is trying to get to be intimate with either me or herself or both... 

Again.... I'm just trying to keep my sanity during this time period. I failed.

One night my wife goes off to work (by this point I'm going to college and not working as much and my wife decided to get to work and I didn't argue, though she's barely keeping us afloat I figure she just needs it out of her system or something)
On this night it's been weeks I've been pushed into this friend who's son I've been watching and have become attached to. I'm breaking from it as well though because he ain't mine... And the poor kid's in limbo over whether he's going home with his mom, being adopted by us... I have no idea what's going on.
On this particular night, I sneak a few drinks to try and relax and am sitting half watching tv pondering where I went wrong in life that my wife is putting herself second in my life as if I'm putting her second in my life. 

I lose it.

I tell the girl, who's sitting on the couch what I'm about to do. I then take care of myself, she's not watching or anything, but she's in the room. I leave the room feeling like that really just didn't do anything for me at all. Only now I'm feeling guilty as hell, may as well have just done what my wife's been telling me to do, even if it's never been what I've wanted.

Wife comes home that night... seduces myself, seduces the girl.. heads into a new and exciting direction... shower... then to the bedroom (I'm just happy she's showing intimacy towards me)... So there we are in the bedroom and I just start to feel awkward...wife and I are the only ones intimate, other girl just there. I get kicked out of the room. 

Stewing outside the room, doors closed... and I'm getting jealous. I stand my ground though. 15...20..30minutes later I have no idea how long... I finally knock on the door. I get told to enter... go in... don't even really look at what's going on... just start blurting out about how they've cut me out... and that's my wife... and I'm hurting...

Fight breaks out. I can't even remember the details... next thing I know... I'm taking a ton of medication... I'm drunk... I'm out in the playground of the accomplish... thoroughly dead inside... wife finds out what I did on that couch earlier... 
blows up. Kicks girl out of house and tells her to take her kid... not to take her kid... I'm still unsure... I just know I end up, no kids in car.. with that girl... she's angry... I'm dying inside. Then I'm getting really sick. I realize what I did to myself and tell her that I'm not doing too well. She rushes me back to the apartment... i stay in car... she goes in... tells wife.

I wasn't there for conversation... but apparently wife willing to let me go... but a bit later... comes down to car to save my life? I don't think I'm going to die... I really wasn't thinking that way up to this point... I really just dont know what the hell is going on. Wife gets in car... pummels me... beats the piss out of me... on the way to the VA hospital... drops me off... heads home. 

I'm admitted... spend a week there... during this week I tell them the truth. Not sure what I was thinking. Just didn't want to be in the situation I was in anymore. Wife visits me a few times... make amends... she gets my initials tattooed on her finger with a female friend of hers... forever on her ring finger. 

We go on with life... forgive and forget... She forgave me!

Fast forward to last night... First time I talked to girl alone (without wife, girls boyfriend was there) since that incident. Found out what really happened in that room. Found out just how literally crazy my wife is...

Knowing all this...

Now that I've for the first time ever actually sat down... as I typed this out... and thought about this... for the first time ever. 

Maybe I need to be on a psychological website?


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