# Got served today, wife gone with kids!



## blindsidedintx (Apr 22, 2010)

I hoped it wouldn't come to this but it did. My wife served me with the divorce papers today, claiming that I had to be at home all day to receive a "package" she needed for work. I had my doubts because of all the runaround answers she was giving me.

Sure enough, papers delivered around lunch time. Even though I knew this day would eventually come, it still knocked the wind out of me. I let her know that I was disappointed with the deceit, and that I needed to go out with a buddy to talk.

She was at school with our kids this afternoon and hasn't come home. While with a friend, I asked where they were. She said with her sister. We drove by her sister's house and there was no one there.

On the way back to our house, I texted her again and asked if they were home yet. They weren't. I tried calling her several times but she wouldn't pick up. I finally got her on the phone and told her that I wanted to talk to the girls. She hung up and after about a minute, she called back with the girls on speaker. I asked what they were doing and if they were having fun and they seemed happy. When I asked them where they were, there was a pause and then their mother said that they were with her. I told them that I knew that, but I wanted to know where they were at. Another pause and they repeated that they were with mom. I asked how come mommy is telling them not to tell me where they were. She hung up.

Friday's are usually our "family movie night." Junk food and kid movies on Netflix. I asked if she was cancelling family movie night. She said, the girls are having fun. I asked if she was considering not coming home with the girls tonight and she said yes. I could see them on Monday, but that she was not going back to the house. She said on Monday I could keep them as long as I wanted, but for the weekend, I'd have to wait. My wife was not coming home again...

I told her that I knew she was scared and not thinking clearly. To take a moment to pause and think about what she's doing. She admitted she was scared and that she had thought about it. She didn't know how I'd react to being served and that she didn't know if I was going to "take off with the kids." I told her that I'd never do that, but of course she didn't believe me.

I told her that just because I got divorce papers today, that doesn't automatically mean we're divorced. That there are still steps we need to go through. Taking the kids for the weekend without me know where they were was not one of these steps. She said she only wanted to deal with me on a legal terms now.

Also, today I called our bank for balances on checking and savings accounts. She's removed me from both accounts. I've been the stay-at-home dad for a year now (mutually agreed on this) and only do occasional freelance design work. Nine years prior, I was the sole bread winner. As of last year, our roles were reversed.

OK, now you guys go...


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm not familiar with all the details of your split, but I know that no matter what or why, this is hard. I hope that for the sake of the kids she can pull herself together and agree to co parent with you. I don't know if it applies where you live, but where I am if you are getting divorced with children, they make you take a class on how to talk to them and what not to do. I'm sure it doesn't much good for most, but I guess it gets through to a few.

Usually a bank won't remove an account holder without all signatures of every person on the account. That's very sneaky and underhanded. Is she planning on leaving you with nothing? I'd get an attorney quick like if you can. You lost your family, you shouldn't have to lose everything. I hope things get better for you.


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## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

Unfortunately, now it is the weekend and getting an attorney will have to wait until Monday. If you have no access to money, at least call and set up 1 hour consultations with several asap. Many will do that initial consult for free. If at all possible, go to your bank in person tomorrow morning. I have never heard of someone being able to remove a joint account holder without consent (possibly she forged something??) My husband raided two banks accounts and through our legal separation, the judge ordered him to return 1/2 the money to me. There are a number of judges that will look at what she did as stealing, or at least very stupid. Start documenting EVERYTHING (date, time, actions/words) tonight. Do not let her see it. You will forget this info as time goes by and the log of events will play in your favor in the long run. Let her know you may call the police if you cannot see the girls - has she never heard of an AMBER ALERT??

Regardless or your history and reason for her filing, a person is still responsible to do the right thing regarding children, money, etc. Good luck and take the weekend to plan your next moves. Show your girls you are a great dad and a strong individual. This craziness will most likely quiet down and things will slowly become more rational between you and your wife.


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## InAPickle (Jun 4, 2010)

Ouch. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. Time to kick it into high gear and protect whatever you need to since she is obviously making some pretty deliberate moves here. The bank account situation is pretty scary and I am also shocked that the bank did such a thing with only the consent of one of the account holders. I'm wondering how she went about this - it just doesn't sound right.

Good luck to you - I'll say a prayer for you and your family.


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Go see an attorney now! Meanwhile there is alot of info at dadsdivorce that can help you! Please go there and start with the list, good luck friend.


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## StrongFather (Aug 20, 2010)

Blindsidedintx...I am really sorry for what you have been going through and what lies ahead in the way of the adversity you will face. It will take every ounce of courage and then some to put a side your desire to reconcile and start treating your former wife with a strictly business attitude. Now that the mother of your children has placed you in position to answer to the family courts you need the best attorney you can find. If you want to be a participant in the lives of your children you will seek shared or full custody. If you do not get either of those orders then it will cost you your relationship with your children. Your former wife is now receiving counsel from individuals who will make her feel entitled and justified in eliminating you from your children's lives forever. 
This is the last thing I wanted to hear when I went through this seven years ago....I wanted to reconcile and so I did everything my former wife asked me to...so she would feel loved and respected for her wishes. What I know now is that I should have been strictly business all along and focused just on the kids and securing our right to be together... After 7 years and 14 trips to court....over 155,000 dollars in attorneys fees and 90 thousand in child support/extortion money...I finally have custody of my to children 8 and 10...the fight was worth it....and they are thriving today. If you can pull yourself together now and get an absolutely capable attorney(one who prepares for court thoroughly with great detail(not a lazy take your money and do as little as possible to help you attorney) but one who doesn't flinch in the court room in front of a Judge or other attorney's and the on lookers (I am not kidding most attorneys shake and quake with trepidation in court because they are unprepared...find one who knows the judges and the commissioner really well...one who is known by them....at least 25 years experience...don't cut costs....the odds are already stacked against you....start preparing, make sure all of you correspondence/business with your children's mother is emails first and keep them strictly about business regarding the children...be respectful in your tone in the emails...CC your self all emails....start requesting your children more and more until she agrees...contact friends and associates, parents of kids your children play with who can write declarations that testify what an amazing relationship and bond you have with your children(I am assuming you are an incredible Daddy) start working on your rough draft (opening statements to the Judge) on every responsibility you take and every action you have performed and I mean everything from the time your children are awake to when they go to sleep and what you do for them when they are a sleep...everything because, believe me the parent who is parenting and the Judge knows the details of their children's lives.
If you gain custody or shared custody then maybe someday God willing if you are an exceptional man and the mother of your children is an exceptional woman...then nothing will stand between you and her if reconciliation is in the picture...until then be strong and courageous...and Faithful.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

StrongFather,
Your story, mine and others although very different are why I say to people don’t work on yourself, get to really know the person you’re living with when troubled times arrive. Partner’s having an EA or PA, using money like it grows on trees or some other form of abuse? Look to your partner’s behaviour, not yours.

The only work I think a person needs to do on themselves in these times is to construct their personal boundaries. These are boundaries to protect from any further abuse, these are things we will no longer tolerate.

I think anything else just opens us up for yet more abuse. Make yourself a better man? This is an extreme example but I do really feel the need to get the message over. It’s a bit like saying to a helpless person, a child being abused by an adult, that they should work on themselves and make them selves a better child because then the abuse will go away.

Abusers are abusers and it is far better to recognise them for what they are than it is to make ourselves a better man or woman. And in a way the adult man or woman who does not have well defined personal boundaries is a child and it is often time to “grow up” and construct those boundaries.

This can very much be a life changing action and experience. Far more often than not the abuser will try and walk straight through those boundaries. When they do that then we truly know who they are and what they’re about. Their abusive actions are a core part of their character. They are unchangeable traits. If they want to change themselves, all well and good. But they are the only person who can change themselves.

Bob


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