# should I accept that its over???



## blondy (Nov 30, 2012)

I have posted on here before but its was so fresh I ranted on and probably never made sense. Basically I was with my ex for over 5 years before we got married. We were married just over a year when I found txts to a woman on his phone! He lied to her about his job (as he didn't have one at the time) and said he loves her. I immediately txt her telling her I was his wife and she was shocked. He then suddenly told me that he didn't love me any more and loved this woman who he had never met as she lived miles away. Yet earlier that night he was as loving toward me as he usually was, everything between us was fine although it was stressfull as we were living with my parents until we could afford to move out. 

The next day he met me and said he still loves me and he thought the grass was greener on the other side and she took him out of reality of being jobless, depressed and on drugs! The following weeks he was up and down between me and this woman. He would say he loves me then the next day say he didn't. In the end I took him some of his stuff and told him to stay at his mums. He begged me not to walk away saying he loves me and only me but I walked away thinking he would chase me. I was wrong. He started texting this woman again and decided he was going to move to be with her (even though he never met her!) He said she made him feel good about himself so he loves her not me. I accepted it and left him to it. He still txt me and said he wanted to stay in touch as he still cared for me. 

A few days later he text me saying she was ignoring his texts and said she couldn't pick him up. He told me he had been stupid and he will never learn. We began texting regularly. I got some info on divorce and told him about it. His reply was don't do that let's go on a date!! I was shocked but agreed. A couple of weeks later we went on our date and had a great time. At the end of the night he stared into my eyes and said he had missed me so much and still loves me to pieces. I asked why he said he didn't and his reply was that he wanted to convince himself that he didn't love me because we got stuck in a rut and my accusations toward him (I am insecure so accused him a lot of cheating when he wasn't, checking his phone etc). 

We met up the next day and held hands, kissed and acted like we were a couple again. He said he was so happy that we were working on things and agreed to do marriage councelling with me. Everything was going well between us, I even spent the night with him at his mums and he cuddled me all night. I must admit I did still accuse him during our dating time but not as much. After the night I spent with him I went home the following afternoon. He was fine with what we were doing and we were taking it slow. 

Out of the blue that night he txt me saying he didn't want us no more. When I delved deeper I found that this woman he was going to move in with had started texting him again saying the reason she ignored him was because I had text her saying he didn't want her. I told him this was a lie and he said he believed me but to leave him for now as he wasn't sure what he wanted. 

A couple of days later I text him asking if he was ok and if he had thought about us at all. He said he had a little but he didn't wanna be rushed into making a decision. I let him be. A few days later I text just saying hello and he never replied. I asked if he had met someone else and he never replied. I stupidly went through his phone bill (it was in my name so I had access) and found he was texting a number for 4 days so I text it saying I was his wife etc. This woman then rang me. It was a different woman to the one he had previously been texting. She said that he was with her but they were just friends and he had told her all about me and my controlling ways. When I spoke to him I asked if he wanted a divorce and he paused for about 6 seconds before saying yes. I text both of the with threats, how could u do this to me etc and he replied saying he hadn't loved me in ages and he wanted this woman.

She told me on the phone that if we are to move on we shouldn't have contact with each other as we both have feelings for each other still. He even told me himself that she was helping him to get me out of his head! She said I never loved him and she knows him better then I ever did in 6 years, yet she had only just met him the day after the origional woman had txt him out of the blue! She has since told me to stay away from him, his work and his family or she will get an injunction against me! I have had no contact with him since then at all and he hasn't tried to contact me.

What's strange is he hasn't been to his mums since either. He hasn't moved any of his belongings into her house, yet hasn't stayed at his mums nor has he been to visit which is really out of character for him. He did put a fb comment saying how happy she makes him. The dating site that he met both these women on he is still going on daily, most times 2 or 3 times a day so he can't be that happy surely?

I'm so confused as everything was going great between us until the origional woman txt out of the blue. Its almost like he found the nearest woman to him to go be with. He said he had been talking to her online for a while, so if he really did love her over me why did he start dating me again, telling me he loves me, acting loving toward me. I trying to get my head around whether she a rebound for him to try move on or whether he really is happy with her. His mum agrees with me that his behaviour is out of character for him. 

He was diagnosed with depression in aug this year but wasn't taking his tablets all the time and has since stopped alltogether. He was addicted to drugs too. I'm not sure if he still does love me and will eventually contact me, or if he really isn't bothered about me anymore. He was not only my husband but my best friend and I was his. I don't get how he can just shut me out overnite. I'm wondering if me texting her was the final straw for him.

If anyone has any possible answers I would appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soniaBliss (Nov 28, 2012)

Hi,
It sounds as he is still involved with drugs. It explains his actions, going back and forth, that he doesn't know what he wants. I'm sorry to hear all of what is happening in your life. It can be extremely challenging to reason with someone that suffers from depression and that does drugs too. The point of the matter is, is that you can't have a discussion with someone that is depressed combined with drugs because they can't think clearly, because the drugs and depression do the talking. Especially, if your discussion is on an emotional level. You care about him so dearly and it shows about how you speak about him, but in less he gets help from a professional how specializes in depression and additions. It sounds as you both at first had a happy and healthy marriage, however unless he doesn't get help and WANTS the help your just going to cause yourself a huge amount of pain. It's not easy at all dealing with someone with this kind of problems. The best thing you can do for yourself is too tell him "I can't deal with your behaviour any longer and address to him that he needs to seek help, not to save your marriage but his own life. And only after he gets his own help you can both figure what you’re going to do about your marriage.

I hope this helps,

Take
Care,
Sonia


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## blondy (Nov 30, 2012)

Thanx for the reply. UPDATE: he has since unblocked me on facebook which is strange and I went onto his page and he has put 3 statuses in the last 2 weeks saying how happy he is with this new woman, and how much he misses her. It was only 4 weeks ago he was saying that to me and how much he loves me! I havnt had any contact with him as his new girlfriend has got him a new fone, although he is STILL going onto the chat site where he met her on everyday at least 3 times a day too! Today he has been on it at least 7 times! I'm dying inside. I know I shudnt have moaned at him and tell him what to do. I don't know if he still on drugs although I find it hard to believe he has just stopped.
I don't know if he putting these statuses for me to see to either get me to accept its over or to make me jealous. He has only been with her for 2 and a half weeks!!!

I thought he wud be missing me by now or something. He has deleted all our wedding pics off of facebook too. 

Is it really over for good or is she a rebound for him to get over me? She told me herself that she was helping him move on from me. I'm in bits coz I don't know if he is really happy or if he just saying it to convince himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soniaBliss (Nov 28, 2012)

Hi Blondy,
You deserve someone who is going to treat you with respect, honor, cherish, love and accept you for everything that you are. You may say he used to treat me that way, and that you were each other’s best friends. But now in this present time he is not showing you any of that. He may still tell you that he loves you and misses you but he’s still with this other girl. Drugs or no drugs he is playing mind games with you, even if, he is using her to try to get over you. He doesn’t know what he wants and that not fair to you. Listen to your gut. This situation is very unfair to you and you shouldn't have to deal with it. My suggestion to you would be focus on your own well-being… be kind to yourself and listen to your inner voice. Ask yourself this question “do I deserve to be happy, even if it’s not with him?

Kindly,
Sonia


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

the guy is going from woman to woman...not happy with anyone or anything...
get rid of him. period. he's a dirtbag. your better than this. you will find someone that will stay true to 'you'... 

leave him. be done with the roller coaster...


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Sorry that you are here. You need to end the marriage. He is toxic and he is hurting you. I know that you are looking at your past with him and wondering "WTF?" It happened to me and it is happening to you. If you can, go to a new city or a new country! Get a new job and start a new life. Keep TAM posted.


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