# Serial cheating, verbally abusive, narcissistic, bisexual husband is been served this



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I'm 37, husband is 38. One 2 year old. Married for 6.5 years, together for 13. I discovered he's been having anonymous sex meet ups with swingers on swing websites, Craigslist, back page. He describes himself as bi-oral. He can also be abusive and controlling. I recently found an email of him trying to meet up with another couple on jan 6th. So I filed for divorce on Tuesday and he is going to be served this Tuesday at 10 am. We live together still and I have not let him know that I know of his latest actions.

Did anyone surprise their spouse by filing first and not telling them first. What was their reaction. My husband has broken things in the past and often goes off on me. And advice is appreciated.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've heard and will heed the advice about moving your finances around prior to being served? Like, 9:30 or so on Tuesday? Focus on protecting yourself and your son.

C


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I can't, it's all stock that he controls. There's only about a thousand in the joint account. We each have seperate accounts.
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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

My stbx filed that way, only she was the one cheating on me. I unfortunately found out when a friend of mine saw my name on the court website so I knew 3 days before she got around to telling me. You can imagine how devastating is was to find out via the rumor mill. 

If you have filed it is public record now. Personally I think you should inform him you filed, being surprised and humiliated while you may think a just punishment will only fuel his shock and anger more creating a much more tense situation for you. Don't hide behind the fact you filed but start taking your life back and tell him flat out. I think the more you stand up for yourself the less "drama" you will encounter. 

Do you want to wait all that day in dread for the storm to come or do you want to be the storm I guess. Obviously you know him better than anyone but hearing it from you I think will save a great deal of fighting since you are still living together.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I don't think she should tell him. I think she should put every ounce of energy into gathering documentation.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Gather what you need to gather before you tell him. If he's a narcisst he will get really ugly if you tamper with his ego.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

You've already taken action and you know your husband much better than anyone here possibly could. 
The well being of the child involved should be first priority. 
Based on what you've shared your husband sounds pretty lousy. 
Your action with the divorce seems done partly motivated by understandable hurt and anger, but perhaps in the heat of the moment. 
Divorce is a legal action best done when not in the midst of emotional turmoil but more calm and dispassionate. At least that was my experience going through it. 
Nevertheless you've taken action and will soon know the impact. 
Protect your child from the likely storm.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I found out in June about the cheating. I lived with this for six months. When he started cheating again in August, then in December, then in January. The kicker is, it's with men and women. Then he was pushing me for unprotected sex and threatened to divorce me. I think he will hide Assets so I filed now to get legal protection as I will not sleep with him anymore.
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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Take him to the cleaners.


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