# Are my wife and I having too much sex?



## Jdub (Jun 16, 2019)

I know this is a silly question and I probably know the answer, but yet here I am. My wife keeps a calendar by our bed and puts a mark every time we have sex to keep track of how many times. It's just a fun thing she does to combat my joking about how it's been months since we had sex. So she'll pull out her calendar and say just when the last time was. So anyway, January through June was around 12-15 times per month. But then in July, we realized that we started out with like 8 days in a row so we thought we would shoot for 20. We got there, and we had a week long youth retreat for church where we could not have sex at all. So 20 times in 24 days. Then in August, nothing hindered us and we hit 25. I think we are already at 9 or 10 this month. But the point is, that I am now having an incredibly hard time climaxing. I'm pretty sure that it's just due to the quantity of times, but I wanted to see what you all thought.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Are you still having the emotional affair with the woman from your congregation?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I just read the title initially and was thinking no.

Reading the post the answer is still no.

I’m not sure your ages but I’m nearly 50 and last month we popped off 23 times which is around average for us now and I could have easily doubled that if my wife matched my drive exactly.

As for your issue with not being able to climax, never had that happen unless we’re talking about going multiple times in a row on the same day with little recovery time.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

No, take more vitamins and some Omega 3, then tell your wife she's amazing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you having a hard time climaxing then have sex a bit less and see what happens. 
Have you noticed before that after a few days of no sex you climax more easily? For example after the youth week with no sex did you climax more quickly? 
I am surprised that you haven't learnt this about yourself before now.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I’m not sure your ages but I’m nearly 50 and last month we popped off 23 times which is around average for us now and I could have easily doubled that if my wife matched my drive exactly.


Dude, that's nothing, at age 52 shortly after I moved to the tropics, moved in with a much younger woman that wanted to do it 5x a day, and supplied me with Viagra to keep me going. She wanted to get married but after heroic efforts on my part for 9 months I ran away and hid ....... I thought I was going to die.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Dude, that's nothing, at age 52 shortly after I moved to the tropics, moved in with a much younger woman that wanted to do it 5x a day, and supplied me with Viagra to keep me going. She wanted to get married but after 9 months I ran away and hid ....... I thought I was going to die.


Believe me I know, haha. That’s why I said “nope”.

The last time we went over 3x a day was many months ago and like the OP I had trouble. Not with having a boner that is easy for me but at some point my junk wore out and it was hard to climax. 5x every day I mean I would be up for trying it as an experience for science.


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

I’m just 31 and y’all beat me! I’m ashamed! 😂 #sad


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## Jdub (Jun 16, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> If you having a hard time climaxing then have sex a bit less and see what happens.
> Have you noticed before that after a few days of no sex you climax more easily? For example after the youth week with no sex did you climax more quickly?
> I am surprised that you haven't learnt this about yourself before now.


Yeah, we did it 3 times the day after we got back.


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## Jdub (Jun 16, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> Are you still having the emotional affair with the woman from your congregation?


It's been cooled off quite a bit and my wife asks me about it now and then to keep me accountable, but I do still think about her. My wife did get pretty upset when she shook my hand but then put her other hand on top of mine. If that was a guy, he would just be asserting his dominance, but when it's a woman doing it to a man, yeah, my wife was pretty ticked. But I don't think about her during sex or anything (although I have in the past) and my wife has no issues climaxing (twice about half of the time) it's just me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Yes, that's too much sex (for you) and your body is telling you that...


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Dr. Phil said, "What's the problem? You're not going to wear it out."


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Sfort said:


> Dr. Phil said, "What's the problem? You're not going to wear it out."


If it's not broken [off] don't fix it...🤣


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jdub said:


> Yeah, we did it 3 times the day after we got back.


There you go then, have sex a little less and the problem goes away.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Jdub said:


> Yeah, we did it 3 times the day after we got back.


Dude, now your just bragging. 

Seriously, sex is not about the climax, it's about the connection. If you and your wife are having a good time, don't worry about it. Your body will recover.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diceplayer said:


> Your body will recover.


It will recover if he stops abusing it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> Dude, now your just bragging.
> 
> Seriously, sex is not about the climax, it's about the connection. If you and your wife are having a good time, don't worry about it. Your body will recover.


I think this thread IS about bragging rather than worrying about a climax. 
Anyone with common sense would know that if they are having lots of sex and then having trouble climaxing then the simple solution is to ease off a bit. It's really not rocket science🤣🤔


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I think this thread IS about bragging rather than worrying about a climax.
> Anyone with common sense would know that if they are having lots of sex and then having trouble climaxing then the simple solution is to ease off a bit. It's really not rocket science🤣🤔


I believe the correct response would be: "I've had sex too; it's NICE". Then bring your best Borrat smile.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DH has had the same problem. We have sex daily/multiple times a day for too long a period of time and he either cannot orgasm or it's difficult to get there. Simplest solution is to either A) have less sex so the body can recover or B) have sex because you want to, enjoy the experience, let orgasm happen naturally if it's going to, and be ok if you don't orgasm.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Years ago when I was a younger man, my ex and I had a sexathon you might say. She wanted non stop sex for as many hours as possible. It might sound like fun but it was kind of cruel. I was actually in pain and she just laughed and basically told me to get it up or else. Anyway I stopped climaxing at a certain point, I was drained I guess you might say. 

Next day I was sore, it looked like I had a rash but it was friction, rubbing, etc and it hurt for a few days.

Now fast forward to another relationship I had. We would have sex multiple times a days but we were very connected, it never felt forced, we both had high sex drives and enjoyed using them. 5x a day wasn't unheard of and we never had a problem finishing. Sex is very mental, I know that but I forget it some times. When you're in a relationship that works, it can be amazing


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Jdub said:


> I know this is a silly question and I probably know the answer, but yet here I am. My wife keeps a calendar by our bed and puts a mark every time we have sex to keep track of how many times. It's just a fun thing she does to combat my joking about how it's been months since we had sex. So she'll pull out her calendar and say just when the last time was. So anyway, January through June was around 12-15 times per month. But then in July, we realized that we started out with like 8 days in a row so we thought we would shoot for 20. We got there, and we had a week long youth retreat for church where we could not have sex at all. So 20 times in 24 days. Then in August, nothing hindered us and we hit 25. I think we are already at 9 or 10 this month. But the point is, that I am now having an incredibly hard time climaxing. I'm pretty sure that it's just due to the quantity of times, but I wanted to see what you all thought.


quit bragging, lol. no such thing as too much


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> DH has had the same problem. We have sex daily/multiple times a day for too long a period of time and he either cannot orgasm or it's difficult to get there. Simplest solution is to either A) have less sex so the body can recover or B) have sex because you want to, enjoy the experience, let orgasm happen naturally if it's going to, and be ok if you don't orgasm.


EXACTLY THIS! B ! Unless you are a person in it just for the orgasm..what is the problem?

Just make sure she does not think it is her. I have assured my wife when this happens it has nothing to do with her. She is beautiful, sexy and gets me going by simply walking by me. Nothing about her is causing this. It is biology in myself. I still enjoy and cherish every minute, but at the time i cant get there. And that is not important to me, just a nice benefit when it does. But the benefit to the situation is the guy can go as long as she wants to keep going. 

But again im a guy that has emotion associated with the act itself. It is not about "busting a nut". If you are still enjoying yourselves....why stop.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

How many times did you have sex last night/day?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> _*I think this thread IS about bragging rather than worrying about a climax.*_
> *Anyone with common sense would know that if they are having lots of sex and then having trouble climaxing then the simple solution is to ease off a bit. It's really not rocket science🤣🤔*


I think these two are kids who married awfully young. I mean, if a "youth retreat" for their church kept them apart for a week and they're married, I'm going to assume they're young as hell.

The boy just hasn't learned how to pace himself yet and needs to learn some finesse about his locker room bagging.  🤣


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Jdub said:


> I know this is a silly question and I probably know the answer, but yet here I am. My wife keeps a calendar by our bed and puts a mark every time we have sex to keep track of how many times. It's just a fun thing she does to combat my joking about how it's been months since we had sex. So she'll pull out her calendar and say just when the last time was. So anyway, January through June was around 12-15 times per month. But then in July, we realized that we started out with like 8 days in a row so we thought we would shoot for 20. We got there, and we had a week long youth retreat for church where we could not have sex at all. So 20 times in 24 days. Then in August, nothing hindered us and we hit 25. I think we are already at 9 or 10 this month. But the point is, that I am now having an incredibly hard time climaxing. I'm pretty sure that it's just due to the quantity of times, but I wanted to see what you all thought.


Start with the question of what are your goals with sex. Climaxes are a valid reason, but they are not the only reason for some people. If you are hitting your goals, with no innuendo intended, then all is good as long as you both come out of it happy and satisfied.

What is most likely happening, at least as far as my experience goes, is you are simply building up stamina. The more you do it, the longer you can go before climax, similar to the way the more you run the further you can go before you get winded. Sadly, it's not easy to train your body to climax on a whim, so that you can finish when she's ready to be done. It's possible, but takes a lot more work and effort.

Is your climax issue causing problems, or are you just worried it might later?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think these two are kids who married awfully young. I mean, if a "youth retreat" for their church kept them apart for a week and they're married, I'm going to assume they're young as hell.
> 
> The boy just hasn't learned how to pace himself yet and needs to learn some finesse about his locker room bagging.  🤣


Pacing is a good idea.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think these two are kids who married awfully young. I mean, if a "youth retreat" for their church kept them apart for a week and they're married, I'm going to assume they're young as hell.
> 
> The boy just hasn't learned how to pace himself yet and needs to learn some finesse about his locker room bagging.  🤣


More likely they are the adult supervisors for the youth. I know that when our youth group would go to the Barn at Camp Pecometh, husbands and wives would have to sleep separately in the men's and women's dorms. And some of the adult advisors were grandparents.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Too much sex is if your **** falls off.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

manwithnoname said:


> Too much sex is if your **** falls off.


Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Absolutely, way too much. You need to dial it back to once or twice a month, tops.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Nothing like flexing on those that have a dead bedroom


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

snerg said:


> Nothing like flexing on those that have a dead bedroom


Yep!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

There is no such thing as too much sex. I am of the belief that if we as a species had more sex, there would be less aggression and war in the world. You cannot start a war after you have just experienced the best orgasm of your life. Just my 2cents.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

I'd have to say no, but you do need to eat healthy and exercise regularly. This regardless of how much sex.

Doing that, this year W and I did one stretch of 52 times in 60 days. W/o that being common we do have sex typically 4 to 6 times a week.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

I'm almost 59yo btw.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

instead of worrying, just enjoy. in not too many years from now, you will look back fondly on these days.


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## Defhero (Jan 5, 2022)

Jdub said:


> I know this is a silly question and I probably know the answer, but yet here I am. My wife keeps a calendar by our bed and puts a mark every time we have sex to keep track of how many times. It's just a fun thing she does to combat my joking about how it's been months since we had sex. So she'll pull out her calendar and say just when the last time was. So anyway, January through June was around 12-15 times per month. But then in July, we realized that we started out with like 8 days in a row so we thought we would shoot for 20. We got there, and we had a week long youth retreat for church where we could not have sex at all. So 20 times in 24 days. Then in August, nothing hindered us and we hit 25. I think we are already at 9 or 10 this month. But the point is, that I am now having an incredibly hard time climaxing. I'm pretty sure that it's just due to the quantity of times, but I wanted to see what you all thought.


Yes, there is an age that some men will need recoup time, as producing semen will slow down with age. I fell into that last year.
Wife and I are almost 50 and we have a very active sex life, not a couple times a week kind either. 
We have been together 15 years and our sexual desires are almost an exact match still to today (4-5 times a week on average). 
Last spring we spent 2 weeks in Mexico and my wife said we are going to have sex once a day while we are there. Once there we got that horny spell where it was daily to twice a day. The day we came home, we both said we need a couple day break, so we took it to recover. 2 days later, we had sex and I could not climax, so I freaked, lol! Come to find out, I learned about my age and recoup time, so now I will take that day or 2 recoup time from time to time.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Defhero said:


> Yes, there is an age that some men will need recoup time, as producing semen will slow down with age. I fell into that last year.


Just as a point of order, semen production has nothing to do with refractory time (I think that's the right spelling for the term). A lack of production might cause an orgasm without an ejaculation, but recovery to get an erection again is independent of semen production



> 2 days later, we had sex and *I could not climax*, so I freaked, lol! Come to find out, I learned about my age and recoup time, so now I will take that day or 2 recoup time from time to time.


I seem to have that as a regular issue with morning sex, although we haven't tried that in a while (lack of opportunity). It happened regardless of how often, or little, we had sex prior


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Just as a point of order, semen production has nothing to do with refractory time (I think that's the right spelling for the term). A lack of production might cause an orgasm without an ejaculation, but recovery to get an erection again is independent of semen production


I think you are wrong as the previous comment was in relation to age. Masters and Johnson observed that as men age that semen production diminishes and refractory time increase. The correlation between cause and effect is not clear in the previous two comments but I think it relates to the production of testosterone. 

Less testosterone causes less semen to be produced and for refractory times to increase. Which in a round about way means the previous statement was somewhat valid.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

badsanta said:


> I think you are wrong as the previous comment was in relation to age. Masters and Johnson observed that as men age that semen production diminishes and refractory time increase. The correlation between cause and effect is not clear in the previous two comments but I think it relates to the production of testosterone.
> 
> Less testosterone causes less semen to be produced and for refractory times to increase. Which in a round about way means the previous statement was somewhat valid.


I can see age and/or testosterones levels affecting both. I am just saying that they don't affect each other. which is what your statement said. IOW, age could cause semen to drop, but not increase refractory. Or it could increase refractory but not reduce semen production. Yes both could be affected, but not automatically.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Jdub said:


> I know this is a silly question and I probably know the answer, but yet here I am. My wife keeps a calendar by our bed and puts a mark every time we have sex to keep track of how many times. It's just a fun thing she does to combat my joking about how it's been months since we had sex. So she'll pull out her calendar and say just when the last time was. So anyway, January through June was around 12-15 times per month. But then in July, we realized that we started out with like 8 days in a row so we thought we would shoot for 20. We got there, and we had a week long youth retreat for church where we could not have sex at all. So 20 times in 24 days. Then in August, nothing hindered us and we hit 25. I think we are already at 9 or 10 this month. But the point is, that I am now having an incredibly hard time climaxing. I'm pretty sure that it's just due to the quantity of times, but I wanted to see what you all thought.


A few thoughts. Someone else posted about what are your sexual goals. A calendar is a great tool for both scheduling sex and tracking promises to each other. However, marriage is about much more than sex. Sex can be what happens after sensual intimacy. Sex should not be done under pressure to perform and success be measured by the number of orgasms. In your discussion of your goals, do you want to add different things? Do you want to focus on quality as opposed to quantity. I you want to try for quality or variety, you need to understand that sometimes that will reduce the number of orgasms. The old saying of if you can't measure it, it doesn't exist is very true. If you can't measure the quality you can't track it. A Sex Therapist told my wife and me that the best sex is fun, exploratory and playful. I tend to agree. A calendar doesn't measure any of that.

If I were in your shoes, I would count my blessings that I have such a wonderful wife. I would also talk to her about what our sexual and sensual goals should be. I would ask each of us to fill out a yes, no, maybe list, to see if there are things we both would be willing and/or want to try. Maybe some of those things should be limited to special occasions or a few times a month. Also maybe if at some times you need to limit the frequency of sex, there are "sex-like" things that can be substituted for PIV sex. Can you try tease and denial or some forms of role playing when you want to slow the numbers down to make things more intense? 

One of the things my wife and I did in marriage counseling was to work with a marriage counselor on both the general frequency of the sex we both felt comfortable helping, along with visualizing the sensual and sexual things we wanted in our marriage in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years. Another good topic to discuss would be what "alternates" would the two of you enjoy, if for some medical reason, you lost the ability to have the sex you now have. If you establish some things, they could be the "non-sex things" you can practice when you want to slow things down.

Good luck.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Jdub said:


> I know this is a silly question and I probably know the answer, but yet here I am. My wife keeps a calendar by our bed and puts a mark every time we have sex to keep track of how many times. It's just a fun thing she does to combat my joking about how it's been months since we had sex. So she'll pull out her calendar and say just when the last time was. So anyway, January through June was around 12-15 times per month. But then in July, we realized that we started out with like 8 days in a row so we thought we would shoot for 20. We got there, and we had a week long youth retreat for church where we could not have sex at all. So 20 times in 24 days. Then in August, nothing hindered us and we hit 25. I think we are already at 9 or 10 this month. But the point is, that I am now having an incredibly hard time climaxing. I'm pretty sure that it's just due to the quantity of times, but I wanted to see what you all thought.


You've reached your limit. But at least you had fun finding it.


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