# miscarriage - do i tell him?



## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

My husband and I separated four days ago and today I had a miscarriage. We did not even know I was pregnant. I feel I do not need to tell him about this as it would serve no purpose ... but a friend says he deserves to know and I should tell him.
So, would you men like to know that? And if so, why? It can serve no purpose. It can solve nothing. I just don't see the point ...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, I think he should know because you need time to recover from miscarriage, which was his baby (you should ask hospital to save tissue in case of paternity testing) and that factors into the sort of care and support you would need during the initial phase of the separation. Now you have two losses to process, and what if you end up with medical complications such as retained placenta down the road a couple months and are disabled temporarily as a result?

Yes, of course it is an issue. 
Your H needs to know and so does your legal counsel.
This is how you can take good care of yourself. You can certainly expect others to care about what sort of life you might have while you recover.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

As a man I personally would want to know. 

But - as a poster on this board I would also respect your decision either way. 

Sorry for your loss...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

What if you decide that you want to get back together?

That is a big secret to either drop later or keep forever.


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## CrazyGuy (Dec 30, 2011)

My wife and I went threw a miscarriage at 18 weeks and a still birth at 9 months. I would want to know. Part of that new life was his. So part of him also died. I think any responsible person/father would want to know. Sorry for your loss.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

You need to tell him. My brother went through the exact same thing, and found out 8 months later when they were at a mutual friends house and she let it lip while drunk.

It hurt him a lot that she never told him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

It's up to you. If you tell him, yes he will be sad, but it might guilt him into wanting to get back together and that is not what you want. But it was technically a part of him and I do think he deserves to know. You both should be grieving since it was both yours. You shouldn't be the only 1 going through this. So sorry for your loss hun...


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

So sorry for all you are going through dear.

You need to tell him. It was his baby too.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

This has to be a zombie thread record.

The OP was banned two years ago.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

colour-me-confused said:


> My husband and I separated four days ago and today I had a miscarriage. We did not even know I was pregnant. I feel I do not need to tell him about this as it would serve no purpose ... but a friend says he deserves to know and I should tell him.
> So, would you men like to know that? And if so, why? It can serve no purpose. It can solve nothing. I just don't see the point ...


You are right Larry.....I guess a lot of us on TAM just want to help.:FIREdevil:


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