# takeing the baby mama to court what should I expect?



## westbank23 (Mar 8, 2013)

Hey everyone my daughter is 6 years old amd me and her mother have been separated since my lil girl was 2 years old..we had a verbal agreement where I would get her every other weekend and it hasn't always gone well where as she well sometimes not let her come over but now its getting worse and its been about 2 months since she allowed her to come over. .she told me if I want to see my daughter again that I would have to take her to court.
Im starting to get nervous and have a feeling that shes brain washing my daughter and once I take her to court that my baby mama is going to make up alot of lies in order for the judge to not grant me custody. 
Would our 4 year verbal agreement hold up in court? It really would suck if they only grant me supervised visitation because me and the mother dont get along for me to be at her house for my supervised visitation. .I just want it to go back like how it use to be and my daughter comes over every weekend so she can see me and my faimly.
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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Well, first off, I would NOT refer to her as "baby momma". 

Are you on her birth certificate as the father of record?

Can you get her to sign a written agreement? Emphasize that it is good for your daughter to have both parents in her life.

Verbal contracts are hard to prove but they are legally recognized. I would be prepared to prove this verbal agreement. Do you have lots of photos showing her with you and your family through the years? Print them as evidence of your agreement.

Are you paying child support? Not that she can keep your daughter away for that reason, but if you end up in court this may be brought up by your ex-girlfriend.

Can you prove that you have a stable and safe environment for your daughter to visit you in? Be prepared to provide photographic evidence of your home and where she sleeps when she is with you.

The courts know both parents are best for a child. Make sure the living environment you provide is just as good as hers. It doesn't have to be fancy or nicer or expensive. She needs her own bed, preferably her own room, with clean pillow, sheets and blankets. You should make sure that her personal care is addressed when with you - toothbrush, towel, soap. There should be adequate food, water, heat/cool... as long as you make sure her basic needs are met in a safe and hygienic environment, you should be good. 

If she claims otherwise, ask why she has never reported you to DSS. If she was really concerned about the safety of your daughter, she would call them to have them investigate.


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## westbank23 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thank you for the reply and no I dont useally refer to her as baby mama..

I am not on the birth certificate because she didn't allow me.
I do pay child support and I think this was handled by a mediator as im not sure because its been over 5 years and the place I was summoned to for child support was not the official child support court building. .it was me, her,her attorney and another lady in a small room so im guessing it was mediator.
We came up with a set amount that we both agreed on and I payed sometimes cash and most of the times money order.

She has her own room and everything is set. The problem is that im always getting accused of alot of false stuff like for one example:I picked her up from school on a friday for her to come spend the weekend and when I droped her off at home I get a call from her mother telling me that my daughter has lice and accused my house of giving it to her.she didn't stop to think that maybe she got it from school, from mayber her class mate or hell maybe from her house,she accused it of coming from my house..my house is as clean as a whistle and ive even invited the mother to come over and see for her self so that she can have assurance that our daughters living condtion is beyond exceptional but she refused.and like you said i even went as far as telling her you can call DSS to come investigate as well if she wanted because I got fed up with her going around and telling her faimly that I was a bad parent (which im fortunate to have an awesome reltionship with).these are the little things that im affraid she well tell the judge and that the judge will buy her LIES because shes a good "actor". 
The real problem thats going on here is that my daughter innocently has told her mom on many occasions that she would like to live with me from now on and that she doesn't want to live with her and her moms boyfreind.,this is what her mother has told me and my daughter useally throws a crying fit when its time for me to drop her back off..I have never egged my daughter on and have never tried to brainwash her into coming to live with me which I wouldn't mind but I know she's to young to make her own decisions and as far as I can tell her mom and her boyfriend dosnt treat her bad..everything my daughter tells me, I go back and privately discuss it with her mom.like why she doesn't want to live with them anymore or why she doesn't like her boyfriend anymore,I tell her mom this stuff so maybe they can make it more fun for my daughter at there house so that she won't say that she hates living with them. 
I honestly think that is why I am getting alienated from my daughter..it sucks because her mom is now doing the complete opposite to me, like for the weekend 2 months ago she was suppose to come over
I call my daughters mom to let her know im on my way to pick her up and she tells me that my little girl doesn't want to come over and when I asked why I didn't get an explanation but I later found out that she told my daughter "do you want to go by your dads or do you want to go to Disney on ice"..of cource shes going to pick Disney on ice with her cousins. .its alot of immaturity on her part and im trying to be the adult here and this is what I want the courts to see but its hard for me to prove it cause its all verbal. .
Thats why I was hopeing I can find another man who probably went thru this or someone who knows how the system works so I can get a heads up on to what to expect. 
Some notes I would like to add
I have pictures of me and my daughter..my daughter and my faimly while out at the park or monster truck shows etc..

I pay child support but lost all my papers so im not sure if this was court ordered or if that person that was there was just meditator. . (I'll have my lawyer look that up).

Im not on the birth certificate but I have done 2 paternity tests at 2 different "mail order paternity test" so I know im the father and im not going to request a paternity test unless im forced to.the tests I took weren't thru the courts and im sure wont stand in court. 

The last time I was in contact with the mother about 2 months ago amd she sent me a text saying that the only way ill ever see my daughter again is if I take her to court and have a judge order it.
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## Dontknowhow2love (Aug 13, 2010)

If she took you through Domestic Relations and your paying support even through mediator the order is still signed off by a judge you should be able to use that order to establish paternity talk to your lawyer. Good luck


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You'll have to take her court. Bummer.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Two things will come up through this.

1.) Status Quo

2.) Best interests of the child

So... If you have no court ordered parenting time or parenting rights, then status quo appears to be that you don't spend time with your child. That is to say, outside of anything you can document. Photos of you attending events or spending quality time together will be quite helpful here. But won't likely lay out any sort of regular schedule of time spent. 

As far as best interests are concerned, it'll really come back to the overall situation. But using terms like baby mama is a quick way to show what's not in the best interests of the child.

I would suggest you figure out your Child Support situation to start.


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