# i need help to cope with my EA



## morningdew19 (Jun 3, 2011)

I;ve been married for 4.5 yrs before seeing him for 4 yrs. a year ago he had a EA with his office collegue and things could have got outta hand had i not read all his chats and confronted him. he promised he would not talk anything but professional with her. i know it was not physical as i've read all the chats. the fact that they meet everyday still bothers me but i decided to give my marriage another chance as other than this v;ve had a perfect marriage and hes an awesum guy. but at the back of my mind this insecurity still remains. i still check his phone records and hes not talking to her too much other than work so m ok with the situation now. 

about a month ago i met this guy on chat and we instantly hit it off. initially i was reluctant to chat or get close but he was quite persuasive and so i relented (mistake 1).
after about 15 days we exchanged phone numbers (mistake 2) and would talk everyday. i somehow got used to all the talks and chats etc. nothing sexual but he made me feel good about myself. i got all that self confidence back that i had lost after my husband had his EA. this OM is also married and so we both knew our limits. we enjoyed the chats and decided we were never going to take it any further than the friendship. We've met a couple of times for coffee but it has been in public places so no issues there. he sometimes flirts and hints that hes attracted to me and other time hes completely aloof. i dont know wat to make of his behaviour. i am attracted to him but i know i dont want to do the same thing my husband did as it causes nothing but hurt. my husband knows i chat with this guy but not about meeting him.

what do i make of this. i try to avoid his calls and have deleted his numbers but at the same time cant get him out of my head. and at the moment he is not as attentive as he was before. just calls me for 2 mins or so in a day. this makes me miss him all the more. is he backing off coz m not interested in a physical relationship? there is so much going on in my head that i am not able to concentrate on my marriage or work.

please help guys...how do i get myself sorted?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Bar his number and cut off all contact, this will become worse if you do not. From what you have written this guy is fishing, he is testing to see how far he can go with you and steps back to draw you in. He knows full well that you are thinking of him and is following a tactic used by many men to entice a woman.

Dump him now. Your thoughts of him will disappear over time. Focus on your marriage and keep your mind occupied. The power to walk away is in your hands as is the ability to destroy two families.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morningdew19 (Jun 3, 2011)

wow...thanks eli-zor...i feel as if u've hit the nail bang on... i seriously was feeling the same but only needed another opinion.... m trying my best to cut out all the contact. its just so super tough. everytime i try, he just sends a one line message which i feel like replying to... and all my resolves are broken. its so sad that we women are emotional suckers and some guys know exactly how to take advantage of that.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Remember you are a married woman. Strengthen your boundaries and go no contact with this guy. The fact that he knows you dont want a physical relationship tells you who he is. You are only a potential piece of @ss to him. It's easy to be the perfect gentleman in the chatroom and on the phone, its easy for a man to tell a woman what she wants to hear. You don't live with him, you don't really know him. All you know is the fantasy that you've built around him because of chats. It's a fantasy and not real. You're falling down the slippery slope.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> wow its so sad that we women are emotional suckers and some guys know exactly how to take advantage of that.


No, some women are emotional suckers, these are the ones that OM take advantage of. It's easy to be prince charming online, and women with weak boundaries fall for it, hook, line, and sinker. 

Other women who have strong boundaries and morals aren't so easily swayed and easily brush off guys like the guy you are talking to. I'm very sure your husband would be very hurt to learn that another man occupies his wifes thoughts constantly and that she misses the OM so much. I know for a fact that he would be agonizing over this. So cut it out.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

about a month ago i met this guy on chat and we instantly hit it off. initially i was reluctant to chat or get close but he was quite persuasive and so i relented (mistake 1).---
---What were you doing on "chat"? 

after about 15 days we exchanged phone numbers (mistake 2) and would talk everyday. i somehow got used to all the talks and chats etc. nothing sexual but he made me feel good about myself. i got all that self confidence back that i had lost after my husband had his EA. this OM is also married and so we both knew our limits. we enjoyed the chats and decided we were never going to take it any further than the friendship. 

---But thennnnn.......
We've met a couple of times for coffee but it has been in public places so no issues there.

NO ISSUES THERE???? MEETING FOR COFFEE BEHIND YOUR HUSBANDS BACK???? NO ISSUES???????Good Lord....


he sometimes flirts and hints that hes attracted to me and other time hes completely aloof. 

Typical Male Behavior. Think of his wife and Kids. Better Yet, Think of those kids, during their christmastime without Daddy, because YOU thought there was NO ISSUES THERE.

i dont know wat to make of his behaviour. i am attracted to him but i know i dont want to do the same thing my husband did as it causes nothing but hurt. my husband knows i chat with this guy but not about meeting him. (mmhmmm...) Its already started....

YOU have pursued this just as much as he has. so you no longer have a chain to whip your husband about his EA. 
What caused you so much "pain" and "hurt" is not only being done exactly the same By you To him, but to your loverboy's wife and kids too.

you have fallen for the trap, and need to cut that at the roots RIGHT NOW. NEVER speak to , or hear from this person again. Your head is becoming fogged and before you LOSE IT ALL, and HE LOSES IT ALL, dont allow yourself to be the one that destroys his family. Dont be a TOOL. 
Lord, I think I may just toss my own computer into a river somewhere.

Also, dont play the pity party for yourself. You have functionality of your hands and fingers, and chatted with, text DAILY, and now speak to this person EVERY DAY. Take a long look in the mirror and see what you are ALLOWING to happen.

Then get back to your husband and dont let things get to where I am now. Divorcing, shared time with my kid, looking for a different place to live, financially ruined, heart torn to shreds.

Because my wife and her F'king "FRIEND" met for coffee too, in a public place, so NO issues there....


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shooboomafoo, I can see how a story like this can trigger you brother. I feel the same way about my WW online EA.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

why do you even go into those chat rooms in the first place? It sounds like you were doing some fishing yourself.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I guess it was harsh, but only because I thought there might be some hope left for them. The term "triggering" sort of dismisses the response as just a venting episode (lol), while limitiing the possibility that having a brunt response could help her situation. I wish from all the people that I know through the sixteen years with my wife, including her own mother who lives with us, would have said something to her to stop her EA. But none of them did or said anything at all. The wife was done listening to me long ago, the respect had flown out of the window long ago for me, so all I had was to try to talk to the people I know that my wife respected, and see if they could give any help at all. It turns out that whether through fear of the loss of friendship or relationship (even by her own mother) they all just didnt want to get involved, they were afraid for some reason, I guess those relationships werent as strong...
The OP sure needs to know what kind of man she is getting involved with. When I called my wife's OM to confront him, the first words after a few cusses were "your old lady said she was divorced!!!" I played the message back to her and she said "I didnt say that to him!!". Yet to this day, he posts on her facebook page regularly. He gets a free pass for completely throwing her under the bus, at the first sign of trouble, I guess because he is so "wonderful"??. 
It sickens me that she cant see that kind of cowardice.
It just kills me that the destruction of my own marriage and life, was because of a weak willed person I married, that for seeing so much wrong with me (when there wasnt) she is completely blinded to the reality of what HE is. 
LordMayhem, I greatly and vastly appreciate your support.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I do worry, that the Original poster, had to seek self confidence from the attention of others. So difficult to hear, because I find that at times I am the same way. Work, for example.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> ... a year ago he had a EA with his office collegue and things could have got outta hand had i not read all his chats and confronted him.
> 
> .... i am attracted to him but i know i* dont want to do the same thing my husband did* as it causes nothing but hurt. my husband knows i chat with this guy but not about meeting him....


You already have done exactly what your husband did (it's called an Emotional Affair, and you are heavily engaged into one, if ya don't see it for what it is? Sometimes it is a cold splash of water i nthe face when yopu actually label it...). 

So be the person you're _pretending you want to be and stop it outright and completely, all by yourself, without getting caught and causing heartache and potential ruin of your marriage.

ALSO, get yourselves into MC and find out what is missing in your relationship between you and hubby, as clearly you both are not getting something you want_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> i am attracted to him but i know i dont want to do the same thing my husband did as it causes nothing but hurt.


You already have done the same thing as your husband, and worse, you're still doing it.

He's married. So are you. You already know this is wrong. Remember all the pain your hub caused you? You're now doing that very thing. Would you want OM's wife to feel how you did about your hubby's EA? Cause she will. And you guys WILL get found out. The fact yiou're meeting in secret (your spouses don't know) says it all.

You need to call your phone company & have his # blocked. Block his chats, block everything. 

You are in control and this can stop the moment you want it to.

Affairs cause nothing but heartache, as you already know.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

morningdew19 said:


> please help guys...how do i get myself sorted?


Stop being another man's mistress.


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## morningdew19 (Jun 3, 2011)

Ok... So I've taken all this advice seriously... N have deleted all the contacts/chats/numbers etc... M putting all my energies on planning a small weekend outing wid my H so things shud b back back to normal.
N no... I was not fishing in chat rooms for hooking up some guy... Its happened on the blackberry as we both are part of a common chat group... N I know I acted emotionally n was stupid enuf to let someone get close enuf n repeat exactly wat my H did to me... But I guess I realised in time to cut out all contacts nowm thnx all... Ur support helped 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> Ok... So I've taken all this advice seriously... N have deleted all the contacts/chats/numbers etc... M putting all my energies on planning a small weekend outing wid my H so things shud b back back to normal.
> N no... I was not fishing in chat rooms for hooking up some guy... Its happened on the blackberry as we both are part of a common chat group... N I know I acted emotionally n was stupid enuf to let someone get close enuf n repeat exactly wat my H did to me... But I guess I realised in time to cut out all contacts nowm thnx all... Ur support helped
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good for you! I only wish my wife had the strength to do what you did.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> Ok... So I've taken all this advice seriously... N have deleted all the contacts/chats/numbers etc... M putting all my energies on planning a small weekend outing wid my H so things shud b back back to normal.
> N no... I was not fishing in chat rooms for hooking up some guy... Its happened on the blackberry as we both are part of a common chat group... N I know I acted emotionally n was stupid enuf to let someone get close enuf n repeat exactly wat my H did to me... But I guess I realised in time to cut out all contacts nowm thnx all... Ur support helped
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well done. Watch out though. He will attempt to restore contact many times. You will need to be on your guard!


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## findingmyway (May 25, 2011)

Just curious, are you divulging all of this to your current H including the actions you are taking to stop you EA?


I generally do not advocate disclosure, just curious.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Morningdew,
Unbelievable that you do the same thing to your H after feeling the pain of what he did to you. You ought to be deeply ashamed of yourself and I do believe you owe him an explanation and apology. The one thing that is critical to monogamy and marriage is honesty and openness both of which you have severely strayed from. Get a hold of yourself now and everytime you think of the OM, think of the severe pain for your husband!


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## morningdew19 (Jun 3, 2011)

findingmyway said:


> Just curious, are you divulging all of this to your current H including the actions you are taking to stop you EA?
> 
> 
> I generally do not advocate disclosure, just curious.


No my husband does not know abt my EA. He just knows this guy exists on my BBM and that v chat occasionally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoveInTheMud (May 25, 2011)

morningdew, 

I think it's a really good sign that you came to this site to be honest with strangers and get help and advice for your situation.

Be aware that you may still be in the fog. If nothing else, keep reminding yourself that the OM is cheating and wanting to cheat on his wife, so this is not a person you would even want to be friends with - there is a term" "enemy of the marriage".

I know this would be super hard and painful, but please consider being 100% honest with your husband and telling him everything. This may help you in two ways:
1. It'll help to to steer clear from this man, by now being more accountable and 
2. It will help you both face the fact that you both need marriage counselling to work through the hurt, deception, unmet needs, insecurities, etc... 

However, your husband may choose not to forgive you, despite having done the same thing to you previously. But you do owe it to him and to youself to be honest, otherwise he does not know who he is married to and you don't know if you have his full love, hiding something from him.

You're in a tough spot, but not one where you can't get out of. 

Wishing you strength, self-control, and wisdom!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Based solely on my own experience as the cheating spouse in an EA I think you will be a rare person if you can completely cut off your EA without telling your H. The fog and the brain chemistry make it VERY hard to resist going back unless you know you have to answer to your spouse if you do, and even then it's still hard.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

findingmyway said:


> Sigma, would you provide the same advice if it was a PA only? If yes, why?
> 
> MD19, your absence has me curious. Has your EA progressed to a PA as well now? Not judging. If not, have you maintained no contact?


Hard for me to say as I have no experience with a PA and my only qualifications to say anything here are my own experiences. But, if it was a purely PA, no emotional involvement at all, I guess maybe not. I think a purely physical affair would be easier to walk away from than one with significant emotional involvement. Me personally I would have to tell my wife anyway because I could never live long term with my wife thinking I was her wonderful husband and me knowing I have this secret that would kill her. I will say that I think it is less likely for a woman to have any affair with no emotional involvement, not impossible but less likely. Some where I heard it said that "women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex." While certainly a gross generalization, I don't personally think it's too far off the mark.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

A relationship without complete honesty will not stay monogamus


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## morningdew19 (Jun 3, 2011)

thanks all for the advice and suggestions. the last few days were difficult is an understatement. i've thought so much about this thing its actually crazy.
but bottom line.... have deleted the guy from my chat n also his numbers frm the fone ...i still have them by heart thou 
he called me in between n i lost my resolve and talk to him. he told me all about how he thinks of me and how hes not interested in a physical relation and its just having me as a frnd thats important. i listened, said ok but have cut contact. but i miss him a lot. never really wanted any physical but the talks we had and the connection was great.anyway m taking my husband out for the weekend and spending some quality time with him. i still dont know whether i should come clean with my husband?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

See my previous post...




sigma1299 said:


> Based solely on my own experience as the cheating spouse in an EA I think you will be a rare person if you can completely cut off your EA without telling your H. The fog and the brain chemistry make it VERY hard to resist going back unless you know you have to answer to your spouse if you do, and even then it's still hard.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good for you for cutting it off, Morning. That is the first step. 
Do not engage this guy again. Call your phone company & tell them to block the # from your phone. 

No more.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Morning - complete honesty in both directions are the foundation of a good marriage. Tell him. ANd send a NO contact for life message to your OM. DOn't leave it hanging with him and make it clear your permanently done so you tempted or unable to resist. Hopefully he will respect your request.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Good for you for cutting it off, Morning. That is the first step.
> 
> .


Not sure I agree here... and not being harsh, but you _haven't_ cut contact. You still picked up the phone when he called after your own "deleting". And I'd bet money you will next time he calls, too. Like sigma says, you can't help yourself. So get hubby involved, to help you help yourself. I'm not denigrating you for it, you just can't do it alone. You're already falling.

And the line of "I just want to be here for you, to be your friend, nothing physical" is a transparent string-along tactic for him, nothing less. He will play the role to buy time and not get cut off completely, because he knows if you do the chemical/addicition will wear off eventually.

Do what jellybeans says and really cut him off by disabling his _ability _to contact you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> thanks all for the advice and suggestions. the last few days were difficult is an understatement. i've thought so much about this thing its actually crazy.
> but bottom line.... have deleted the guy from my chat n also his numbers frm the fone ...i still have them by heart thou
> he called me in between n i lost my resolve and talk to him. he told me all about how he thinks of me and how hes not interested in a physical relation and its just having me as a frnd thats important. i listened, said ok but have cut contact. but i miss him a lot. never really wanted any physical but the talks we had and the connection was great.anyway m taking my husband out for the weekend and spending some quality time with him. i still dont know whether i should come clean with my husband?


Yes, you picking up the phone has just set you back. NC is NC.
He is still pursuing and that is a bad sign for you. An even worse sign is that you picked up.

It took my wifes help for me to realize I was in an EA and her for me to get past it. She has forgiven me long ago, but I still carry the regret that I did this with me. We even discussed this recently and she again told me that I need to let it go and forgive myself. 

Not saying he will be but your husband should be very understanding with you. Hurt sure. But you need him now and he needs you to let him know so he can help.

You have done some wrong things and some right things to correct it. But you are very much in danger of falling back into this and I am afraid if you do it will become physical very quickly. From a man's point of view this is the consumating betrayal.
It is also what this other guy is looking for.

Hopefully this is not a revenge things for you. You don't have to be conscious of it for it to be.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I'm with Entropy. If you love your and husband and WANT to be married to him and FIGHT for your marriage you will need his help to end your EA before it gets worse. This is not a treading water type situation it is getting either better or worse quickly, it is not static. If you want your marriage to succeed I think you need to tell your husband, and tell him the whole truth the very first time. Willingly offer him free access to every part of your life, email, phones, facebook - all of it and when he takes you up on it smile and give him a hug. When he needs to vent take it, when he needs to ask the same question again for the 100th time answer it willingly and truthfully. Give him whatever he needs to see that your only interest is to end your EA and be with him. 

These are the things I did and my wife and I are now in a better place than before my EA. She will even say it was ALMOST worth it.

To quote Barney Fife, "nip it in the bud"


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> I;ve been married for 4.5 yrs before seeing him for 4 yrs. a year ago he had a EA with his office collegue and things could have got outta hand had i not read all his chats and confronted him. he promised he would not talk anything but professional with her. i know it was not physical as i've read all the chats. the fact that they meet everyday still bothers me but i decided to give my marriage another chance as other than this v;ve had a perfect marriage and hes an awesum guy. but at the back of my mind this insecurity still remains. i still check his phone records and hes not talking to her too much other than work so m ok with the situation now.
> 
> about a month ago i met this guy on chat and we instantly hit it off. initially i was reluctant to chat or get close but he was quite persuasive and so i relented (mistake 1).
> after about 15 days we exchanged phone numbers (mistake 2) and would talk everyday. i somehow got used to all the talks and chats etc. nothing sexual but he made me feel good about myself. i got all that self confidence back that i had lost after my husband had his EA. this OM is also married and so we both knew our limits. we enjoyed the chats and decided we were never going to take it any further than the friendship. We've met a couple of times for coffee but it has been in public places so no issues there. he sometimes flirts and hints that hes attracted to me and other time hes completely aloof. i dont know wat to make of his behaviour. i am attracted to him but i know i dont want to do the same thing my husband did as it causes nothing but hurt. my husband knows i chat with this guy but not about meeting him.
> ...


Honey, I know how you feel. First let me say, I have been married 19 years to my high school sweetheart. I love him so dearly, he is my best friend, my only lover and just the bomb of a man! Marriage is tough. We all get settled into our routine, jobs, children and life is good. The love is always there, but sometimes the excitement and butterflies aren't. I have learned that, that is o.k. the comittment is. My husband and I have a great friend group. It is through this friend group that another man and I have told each other of our equal attraction to each other. At first it was sooo exciting, but the next day, we both texted each other that our spouse would be heart broken, not to say our children, if we would act on our strong attraction to each other! We have cooled it and try to avoid each other as much as we can. The point is, at first it is all exciting, and sexy as hell, but stay and fight for your marriage!!!!! There is nothing like settling into your man's wonderful arms at the end of lovemaking at the end of the day. That is true peace that the single girls covet daily!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## DoveInTheMud (May 25, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> he sometimes flirts and hints that hes attracted to me and other time hes completely aloof. i dont know wat to make of his behaviour. [...] at the same time cant get him out of my head. and at the moment he is not as attentive as he was before. just calls me for 2 mins or so in a day. this makes me miss him all the more.


I recently read an article about a very interesting and insighful study:


They showed a group of women and men pictures of each other, telling them it was to set up 'blind dates'.
They split the women into three groups:

One group was told that the men didn't find them particularly attractive, but they could still arrange the dates.
no surprise here - barely any woman wanted to meet any of those men.

The second group of women was told that the men found them very attractive. The response rate of women wanting to have these dates arranged was rather high.

The third group of women was told that they could not disclose if the men were attracted to them or not. 
In this scenario, the percentage of women wanting to have dates was the highest!!

The conclusion was that since the women were not sure how the men felt about them, it made them curious and they thought about it. This curiosity was then translated into "I am thiniking about this man, so that probably means I like him".


If this man is playing aloof at some points, but not others, reaching out to you, but only briefly, then your brain may translate this confusion into curosity, thus thrill, thus exitement or infactuation. 

This man is an enemy to your marriage, and therefore to your own emotional and mental sanity. Do not allow enemies any access to your thought life, emotional life, or actual life.


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## morningdew19 (Jun 3, 2011)

ok guys... so told my husband all about the EA... he was disturbed no doubt but after a night of fighting things are back to normal now. i felt so much better.... i really think telling the husband was a great idea coz now i am accountable for my actions and i know i wont do this again.....

have deleted the OMs numbers and outta my chats... is there anyway i can delete him completely from my mind? m really trying hard...working in office to keep myself super busy... but i cant help thinking about him sometimes.... m guessing this too will pass right??


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Yes it will. Displace those thoughts of him with the pain your husband is feeling and you very quickly associate him with pain. Then won't WANT to think about him.
Congrats on coming clean. Now work hard on staying 100% honest with your husband and focus that misplaced energy on making him the happiest man in the world!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> ok guys... so told my husband all about the EA... he was disturbed no doubt but after a night of fighting things are back to normal now. i felt so much better.... i really think telling the husband was a great idea coz now i am accountable for my actions and i know i wont do this again.....
> 
> have deleted the OMs numbers and outta my chats... is there anyway i can delete him completely from my mind? m really trying hard...working in office to keep myself super busy... but i cant help thinking about him sometimes.... m guessing this too will pass right??




GOOD MOVE!! As a WS I know it wasn't easy and I understand completely what you are currently going through. I'm several months post D Day and I'm afraid that I can't tell you that thoughts of your AP will literally go away, but they will get better - AS LONG AS YOU MAINTAIN NO CONTACT. If you slip, even if you tell your H, it will set you back in putting this behind you. I know from personal experience and have the scars to prove it. Focus on your H, your marriage and yourself right now. It will get better!! Good Luck!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> Displace those thoughts of him with the pain your husband is feeling and you very quickly associate him with pain. Then won't WANT to think about him.


This is the key. Anytime you remember the OM, think about how my destruction your affair caused to your husband and your marriage. It will make you feel ashamed by your actions.

Sidenote: "Animal" was my fave muppet.

Get ready, your husband just found out and his feelings and emotions are going to be all over the place. Be accountable, transparent, apologetic, empathic and understanding. You have a long road ahead...


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

JB, it was my nickname. Someone even bought me hand puppet of him!

Agree - you need to be able ANY questions he asks and help him through this in every way you can. Love the man like you never have!


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

morningdew19 said:


> ok guys... so told my husband all about the EA... he was disturbed no doubt but after a night of fighting things are back to normal now. i felt so much better.... i really think telling the husband was a great idea coz now i am accountable for my actions and i know i wont do this again.....
> 
> have deleted the OMs numbers and outta my chats... is there anyway i can delete him completely from my mind? m really trying hard...working in office to keep myself super busy... but i cant help thinking about him sometimes.... m guessing this too will pass right??


SO PROUD OF YOU!!! :smthumbup: for taking the advice here and doing the right thing. Really glad hubby has dealt with it - just remember, it's the beginning of him dealing with it, not the end... like jb said, you're just getting started regarding that aspect. Be ready & prepared; be supportive & transparent, not defensive.

Also as jb & others have said, it will get easier. Think of the negative impacts he has had -- and almost really had! -- every time thoughts turn toward him... the hurt, the pain, the messiness, the ruin, the deceit, what he tried to turn you into, what life could be like had this gone too far. Every time. Remove the fog from the vision, and the romanticism fades and the reality comes to light as the fog disperses. Good luck to you. You've done a very difficult thing; be proud of yourself. So many of us here wisah our partners had the guts, strength, wisdom, and commitment to do what you've done.


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