# Help!



## SPEEDRACER (Jun 29, 2010)

hi, i've been married for 22 years - 2 kids, 20 and 17. wife and i are in our mid 40's. it's been pretty good for the most part, but for the last 4 months now, my wife has changed her attitude, esp since her mother died a year ago. we got into a huge argument a couple of months before her mother fell ill. our argument was actually about an argument between my mother and her's. and ever since her mother died my wife has had this sort of animosity towards me. within the last 4 months she's really had a strong change of attitude and telling me how she's sick of my jealousy and how i've controlled her throughout our entire marriage (yes, i admit that i am a jealous man but nothing out of the ordinary, and i am not a control freak, or worse, a physical person). we've had our issues, then we eventually worked them out. she told me that she does not want to end up like her mom, who WAS controlled by her father. recently, she told me that she needs more freedom and independence, and she wants to go out every now and then with her friends. she's gone out once until 2:30 am (2 months ago with her friend to a h.s. reunion), then out again a month later until 2:00 am, then last week, again with her same friend to another reunion - 1:30 am. i must admit that before her mother passed away she really did not go out all that much with her friends. however, we would often go out to eat, to a bar, and maybe even dancing. also, she just landed a new job and feels she needs to fastrack her career, which, according to her, involves an after work drink with the "work group". she flat out told me that she pretty much sees nothing wrong with this and will do it every now and then - same applies to her going out with the girls (or one single girl friend) to a club or bar. she tells me she only dances with her girl friends... i dont have a problem with her wanting to get out and have fun with her friends, but what i totally disagree with is the bar/club scene. she constantly reminds me that shes never cheated on me throughout our marriage and that i just have to trust her.
tell me, what do i do? is this normal? why do i feel so insecure? why do i feel like not putting up with her attitude and wanting to leave the house and give her her "freedom". she tells me this is something shes going through right now and it could be menapous, but that soon she'll get it out of her system and i just have to be there for her.


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## SPEEDRACER (Jun 29, 2010)

folks, please give me any feedback. i need to hear from someone! thanks




SPEEDRACER said:


> hi, i've been married for 22 years - 2 kids, 20 and 17. wife and i are in our mid 40's. it's been pretty good for the most part, but for the last 4 months now, my wife has changed her attitude, esp since her mother died a year ago. we got into a huge argument a couple of months before her mother fell ill. our argument was actually about an argument between my mother and her's. and ever since her mother died my wife has had this sort of animosity towards me. within the last 4 months she's really had a strong change of attitude and telling me how she's sick of my jealousy and how i've controlled her throughout our entire marriage (yes, i admit that i am a jealous man but nothing out of the ordinary, and i am not a control freak, or worse, a physical person). we've had our issues, then we eventually worked them out. she told me that she does not want to end up like her mom, who WAS controlled by her father. recently, she told me that she needs more freedom and independence, and she wants to go out every now and then with her friends. she's gone out once until 2:30 am (2 months ago with her friend to a h.s. reunion), then out again a month later until 2:00 am, then last week, again with her same friend to another reunion - 1:30 am. i must admit that before her mother passed away she really did not go out all that much with her friends. however, we would often go out to eat, to a bar, and maybe even dancing. also, she just landed a new job and feels she needs to fastrack her career, which, according to her, involves an after work drink with the "work group". she flat out told me that she pretty much sees nothing wrong with this and will do it every now and then - same applies to her going out with the girls (or one single girl friend) to a club or bar. she tells me she only dances with her girl friends... i dont have a problem with her wanting to get out and have fun with her friends, but what i totally disagree with is the bar/club scene. she constantly reminds me that shes never cheated on me throughout our marriage and that i just have to trust her.
> tell me, what do i do? is this normal? why do i feel so insecure? why do i feel like not putting up with her attitude and wanting to leave the house and give her her "freedom". she tells me this is something shes going through right now and it could be menapous, but that soon she'll get it out of her system and i just have to be there for her.


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## kiwigirl (Mar 29, 2010)

im married and i go to clubs/bars everyweekend with my friends that r girls. i guess its a wee bit different because im only 24 but i dont see the harm in going to those places.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Well I'm not sure the bars are the best place but she has been faithful all these years so I think you have to trust her. She is going through the change and recently lost her mom. So tell her and show her how much she means to you and how much you trust her, you may even say something like I trust you but not other men at the bars cuz your so beautiful. In the end if you try to stop her you will only reenforce her belief that you are controlling and she will pull away from you anyways. Show more intrest in her and take her on dates and make it fun to be with you.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Give her enough rope..guess what?


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## Lostnotforgotten (Jun 19, 2010)

I lost my mom at 39 and my dad at 40, it did cause me to question who I was and how I was going to proceed forward without them. I seperated from my husband, for the third time, and spent some time with myself. I think it's quite possible she feels a little lost right now. Being possesive and jealous is not the answer and can make it worse. If she is drifting away try some counseling but if that doesn't work you can't keep her by trapping her at home either. Give her some space and you go talk to someone and work on you it can only help at this point I think.


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