# What if / What will happen?



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Thoughts about the future:

What if / What will happen:
- If I truly can never forgive myself for my EA? My counselor already told me that I should leave now if I really can't forgive myself in the future.
- To our adult children if we do divorce? Will they be able to adjust? One is already severely stressed now from college.
- Will my family, and her friends, think of me once they learn of my EA?
- If my adult kids want nothing to do with me after they learn of my EA?
- We do divorce, where will I live? 
- The shame of being seen by family and others who now see me as a cheater is too much? Will I have to move?
- I come home to find my stuff out on the curb?
- I lose my job because of my emotional state?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The 'what ifs' will kill you.

Honestly, I suffered from them as well. It's not to say you don't have a plan in case things do happen but you must learn to live day by day right now. The stress is not good for you.

I had to accept things for what they were at that moment.

I had to work on myself to become a better person.

I had to write all my fears out (like you did) and then let them go.

You can only control YOU. I had to learn that myself...and it helped so much.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

And that's only a partial list.

The stress is really bad. I can hardly sleep or think straight. I go to the gym and workout really hard, while watching my heart rate. I come home completely exhausted. Yet my brain doesn't slow one bit when it comes to my marriage and the EA.

I just finished working on a financial plan if divorce happens. It will ensure no financial burden upon her. 

I'm losing hope for becoming a better person. I owe it to my wife to try. I am trying. But I'm failing her yet again. I need to have another long talk with her about my lack of progress. She can't function of what might be false hope.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You cannot fail if you keep trying. It's choices.

Are you in therapy? Sounds like you have anxiety issues. Stress should not be so bad that you worry about losing your job 

I don't normally promote medication for these things, but in your case, you may need it.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

As one man to another.......

Get your head out of your a$$. 

Stop wallowing in self pity. It's good you are remorseful. Now it's time for action. 

Accept the blame. Get back in the game. 

Pity won't solve anything. Take your shots then make yourself a better man, husband, and father. Use your precipice your dangling from to initiate your betterment and growth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm in IC. I'm trying to get my head out. It's stuck in deep.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Try ECitalopram. The stuff is awesome. I went on that during my experience. Non addictive. Low dose. And it clears your thought. Literally. The clarity of thought was awesome. Allowed me enough peace from the head noise to get my own head out of my A$$.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Thoughts about the future:
> 
> What if / What will happen:
> - If I truly can never forgive myself for my EA? My counselor already told me that I should leave now if I really can't forgive myself in the future.
> ...


Has your wife forgiven you?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

My doctor will not prescribe medication since he is unable to diagnose me with depression. I don't meet the criteria, like I did before in the past. He does recommend staying in IC and working though the issues. 

Yes. She forgave me within a few days.


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