# Estranged husband still jacking off to pics and vids of me, Why?



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Well we had this conversation last night, i'm slightly disturbed by it as he had agreed to delete everything and would do it no longer as he had moved on, i have moved on, he told me before he thought i was disgusting, this is when he had decided to delete everything and i thought great.

I said to him it is not healthy, he said he thinks it is just fine, i said he should use porn as that would be better, as no connection to me, he then turned it round on me and said it was my problem as i was the only one bothered by this. To me this is not accepting the relationship is over. He has been in therapy for a while again now, but he wouldn't discuss as he sees it as a non issue.

The last time he thought i was going to date someone he threatened to kill them and ruin their business, because in his head we had a sexual relationship, even though we hadn't talked for over a year.

Am i right to be bothered by this, it is just i have to relate to him as we have very young children.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Yah, they do that. But honestly, you can't really control it and even though they don't have permission to do it, filing a police complaint and then proving it in a court of law is going to cost a lot. My ex took a photo of my during a Skype session when he was deployed and I was 'working on the marriage' and trying to cater to his needs as he had felt the need to cheat and lie...he did not have my permission and let me 'discover' this picture later, I told him to delete it but really, they keep copies, they even share. You probably look great, he needs it to j*ck off to, he is the dependent one, you didn't do any wrong, it's best to just let it go. Creepy but it's just the stuff you know about...is the tip of the iceberg...you don't want to know the rest. Ignorance is bliss, really.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If this is the worst things he's doing I'd let it go. You really have no control over it anyway.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

It can be flattering in a strange way.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

40isthenew20 said:


> It can be flattering in a strange way.


The contraband picture of me was really hot. I was tempted to ask for a copy of it, but it's enough that it exists. I was thinking to myself, let him show it to other men...they will say, man, you screwed up, you were actually doing this woman on a regular basis and you let her get away? If some guy looks a bit long at me, and he's local, there's a good chance he's seen the photo posted somewhere online. My face is very recognizable, the rest of me well under street clothes even it doesn't take much imagination. I would imagine at age 48, with guys knowing what I really look like, and it's all real, let them weep.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

40isthenew20 said:


> It can be flattering in a strange way.


no it is not flattering, i would consider it flattering if it were another man that i found sexually attractive.

I worry where his head is, if he thinks i am going to be sexually receptive to him again and if i'm not what happens then, or he finds out i have had sex with another man, because in his head i sexually belong to him.

I told him i view myself as single, he refused to acknowledge it. 

*Homemaker_Numero_Uno* Yes the dreaded skype  There should some sort of software to stop the taking of pics/vids without permission. Anyway i believe a mentally healthy male would look to internet porn instead of his ex, no good can come from it. An ex is an ex i have no further sexual interest in them.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The contraband picture of me was really hot. I was tempted to ask for a copy of it, but it's enough that it exists. I was thinking to myself, let him show it to other men...they will say, man, you screwed up, you were actually doing this woman on a regular basis and you let her get away? If some guy looks a bit long at me, and he's local, there's a good chance he's seen the photo posted somewhere online. My face is very recognizable, the rest of me well under street clothes even it doesn't take much imagination. I would imagine at age 48, with guys knowing what I really look like, and it's all real, let them weep.


Not all guys share the pics btw, in my opinion. For me I've had pics in the past that I would rather keep for my own personal reasons, and if I shared them they'd be less special for me. Difficult to explain, but once other guys see them, it might as well just be any old porn. 

So in summary, there is a chance that your pic wasn't shared. 

What I will say though is that he surely took more than 1 pic..


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> An ex is an ex i have no further sexual interest in them.


Then why is it that you worry about your ex jerking off to your pics? He's an ex and frankly what he does shouldn't concern you unless he's putting those pics on the internet or defaming you in any way.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> I worry where his head is


THIS, right here, is your PROBLEM!!! WHY do you care? Let it go! HIS problems are just that: HIS problems. Quit making them yours!




> if he thinks i am going to be sexually receptive to him again and if i'm not what happens then


If you've been IGNORING him, AND his jacking off, AND his pix/videos of you, AND any comments about his sex life, his lack of sex life, YOUR sex life, your lack of sex life...then NOTHING HAPPENS. If he THINKS you're going to be sexually receptive to him, he's DELUSIONAL. Again, NOT YOUR PROBLEM. If he asks you to get involved with him again sexually you say, "STBXH, I am NOT interested in ANY kind of relationship with you, sexual or not. I've made that perfectly clear and YOU'RE NOT LISTENING. NO!"



> or he finds out i have had sex with another man, because in his head i sexually belong to him.


Again, if HE can't deal with it, it's HIS PROBLEM. If he makes threats, tries to attack you (sexually or otherwise), you call the police.

You seem to be tying yourself up in knots over a bunch of WHAT IFs...move on about your life and your business like a woman in control of her life! You have enough on your plate taking care of yourself and your children. Let him find a way to repair his OWN life, on his own, like an adult. You're not his mommy, you're his STBXW. Act like it! It may actually help him 'move on' faster.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

controlledchaos said:


> Not all guys share the pics btw, in my opinion. For me I've had pics in the past that I would rather keep for my own personal reasons, and if I shared them they'd be less special for me. Difficult to explain, but once other guys see them, it might as well just be any old porn.
> 
> So in summary, there is a chance that your pic wasn't shared.
> 
> What I will say though is that he surely took more than 1 pic..


Any naked pics that are on the interweb were exercises in desirability, never special to me, they were amusement to me there are not to many, but he checks google images, i agree with the any old porn, he never agreed to me posting pics so i doubt he'd share them, he has threatened it a few months ago though as he has a HD or so full up to present day and also on his phone, it is just we had a long conversation after last time and we agreed it was not healthy and he promised to delete, i suppose i shouldn't of been surprised.




BjornFree said:


> Then why is it that you worry about your ex jerking off to your pics? He's an ex and frankly what he does shouldn't concern you unless he's putting those pics on the internet or defaming you in any way.


Because he calls me vile, disgusting and has insulted every part of my body, then uses my images to get off to :scratchhead:

I have to spend time early next year with him and he will be sleeping under the same roof.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

cloudwithleggs said:


> Any naked pics that are on the interweb were exercises in desirability, never special to me, they were amusement to me there are not to many, but he checks google images, i agree with the any old porn, he never agreed to me posting pics so i doubt he'd share them, he has threatened it a few months ago though as he has a HD or so full up to present day and also on his phone, it is just we had a long conversation after last time and we agreed it was not healthy and he promised to delete, i suppose i shouldn't of been surprised.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


He's just trying to hurt you the way he feels. He does not find you disgusting or vile, otherwise he wouldn't masterbate to your picutre....btw, don't even have these conversations with him, it really crosses boundaries. I get sucked into these convos with my ex at times, although it's much better now.


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