# Anyone with experience with Bipolar?



## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Does anyone have experience with bipolar disease? Have it yourself or know someone who has it? 

My H was diagnosed with bipolar around 10yrs ago. He's not on medication. When diagnosed, therapy trained him how to control it. That is the therapy he got for it and was on his merry way. On Nov. 11 he told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore and isn't attracted to me anymore and wants to separate. He is saying that he never really was attracted to me, even in the beginning but he overlooked that because of my personality and now my personality isn't enough to hold him. We have an 8month old daughter.

Through MC, the therapist is pretty certain that the reason he is shifting like this is because it is a bipolar episode. 

Can someone with bipolar have a normal healthy marriage and relationship with their kid? If it is bipolar, is there a high probability that he'll do this to me again in the future? Does therapy really work for this? He's pursuing IC.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

My brother has it. It has cost him his marriage, his job once, and nearly his life. 

I wish I could say the outlook is good, but in my experience it is not. A lot depends on the relative ups and downs of his particular manifestation of the disease, but if unmedicated, he will periodically have low episodes that tax your relationship to the breaking point. The meds can help, but they have some very obvious side effects that usually included a dulling of your mental processes that many find unpalatable.

You can have a marriage with a BPD sufferer, but it will not be normal. You will have to brace yourself for episodes of inexplicable behavior, lack of interest in you and your life together, self medication through drugs or alcohol, potential suicide attempts, and turmoil. 

Your best defense - the ability to emotionally distance yourself from the problem which you cannot fix - has it's own drawbacks in a relationship.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My ex is bipolar. It can certainly have negative impacts on all kinds of things, but your husband's must be very mild if he does not require medication to control it.

It is by no means certain here that his bipolar is a factor in his statement. It's easy to attribute his recent behavior to it, but that's for a professional to decide, really. Perhaps his condition is worsening, and medication is in order - again, something his doctor should decide. Or it may be unrelated. IC may help him sort out what's happening, and why now.

Good luck - bipolar can be very difficult to deal with, especially if the meds aren't effective (for those who need them) or aren't taken routinely.


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## Haru2013 (Oct 23, 2013)

First off, your husband needs apropriate meds. to control his Bipolar, even though he was lucky enough not on meds. since his dx'ed with Bipolar. Seeing his Bipolar is very milder form, then probably only 'Lithium' might be good enough to control his BP. 

Bipolar has two different episods, as 'Bi" imply, one for depression and other for manic. As to whether his Bipolar attritutes the current, unepected word, 'seperation,' it's very possible. Because, Stree is said to be #1 enemy on Bp. Because he needs to adjust his life after the baby was born and more likely you're more busy for the baby, rather paying attention to your husband that causing he's not happy and plus 'enormous strees.' Furthermore, he might choose being along rather than living with you, the wife because of his condition with non-medicated Bp. 

My suggestion and advice would be to seek a competent and experienced psychiarist for more approprite treatment and medications.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I don't think he has extreme bipolar disease because he's not up and down everyday or anything like that. He's pretty even most of the time. There are times, however, that he is up and down. For example, if him and I get into an argument, when we reconcile and decide it's over and move on from the fight, he's able to flip the switch and act like nothing happened, whereas, it takes me a little while to get over it. 

I guess I never knew that being bipolar could make you want to leave your wife. I agree that since the baby has come, I haven't given him much attention. I don't have anything left over for him. I do 99% of the care of her and I'm tired. I work full time and I was finishing up my masters in accounting at the same time. It's not easy. So maybe that's what triggered it? If so, then will this continue to be a part of my life forever with him? Even if he gets help for it (which he is seeing an IC), will I ever have a happy marriage with him? Seems like from the few posts I've received, the answer is no?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

heartbroken0426 said:


> I don't think he has extreme bipolar disease because he's not up and down everyday or anything like that. He's pretty even most of the time. There are times, however, that he is up and down. For example, if him and I get into an argument, when we reconcile and decide it's over and move on from the fight, he's able to flip the switch and act like nothing happened, whereas, it takes me a little while to get over it.


Bipolar swings are not that fast, surely not daily. Someone who has what is called rapid cycling bipolar will have something like four or five episodes PER YEAR. Often, patients spend nearly all of their time depressed, and only go manic or hypo-manic infrequently. Spend some time on a good quality mental health care site to learn more about what to expect.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Bipolar swings are not that fast, surely not daily. Someone who has what is called rapid cycling bipolar will have something like four or five episodes PER YEAR. Often, patients spend nearly all of their time depressed, and only go manic or hypo-manic infrequently. Spend some time on a good quality mental health care site to learn more about what to expect.


My ex would sometimes cycle several times in a DAY. Typical cycliny is a few times a year, as I recall. She was unusual and much harder to treat effectively at first. It took a lot of different drugs and experimentation with dosages to keep her stable.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

heartbroken0426 said:


> Does anyone have experience with bipolar disease? Have it yourself or know someone who has it?
> 
> My H was diagnosed with bipolar around 10yrs ago. He's not on medication


Yes. 

10 years no meds? Could be a very mild case. It sounds more like dysphoria in that there are few if any 'highs' and mostly lows. BP-1 or -2 and/or clinical depression are largely medical issues. So it's important to tease out personality issues from that. To my laymans' eye it doesn't sound like bipolar it sounds like something else.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Ya....it doesn't sound like he has anything you guys are talking about. He's very even keel most of the time. He doesn't get super high and then low and depressed or anything like that. Maybe it's not bipolar?

Hi ex wife told me that he separated from her about 2-3 times over their 10-11 year relationship (not sure if it was all during marriage or dating and marriage both). When they went to counseling, it was bipolar as well. He didn't do IC when he went through his divorce with her.....only right now going through our stuff.

Could it then not be bipolar and instead just midlife crises or stress from having a new baby and me not having time for him?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I would divorce them!! Mild bipolar is a crutch 99% of the time just like all mental illness. It's the only forum of medicine that becomes a sefl fulfilling prophecy.........I hate it! You can't prove it, there is no test for it, it's just words, feelings, and behavior.

Real Biplolar with tons of meds and bat $hit crazy episodes is scary as hell and I couldn't handle that either.

Mental illness or people using as a crutch for their behavior need not apply to be a part of my life.

Best of luck btw my rant wasn't really relavent but the pain of your situation sucks!! Hope you find happiness and focus on you.


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## Haru2013 (Oct 23, 2013)

heartbroken0426 said:


> I don't think he has extreme bipolar disease because he's not up and down everyday or anything like that. He's pretty even most of the time. There are times, however, that he is up and down. For example, if him and I get into an argument, when we reconcile and decide it's over and move on from the fight, he's able to flip the switch and act like nothing happened, whereas, it takes me a little while to get over it.
> 
> I guess I never knew that being bipolar could make you want to leave your wife. I agree that since the baby has come, I haven't given him much attention. I don't have anything left over for him. I do 99% of the care of her and I'm tired. I work full time and I was finishing up my masters in accounting at the same time. It's not easy. So maybe that's what triggered it? If so, then will this continue to be a part of my life forever with him? Even if he gets help for it (which he is seeing an IC), will I ever have a happy marriage with him? Seems like from the few posts I've received, the answer is no?


You're a very busy person to deal all of those,.... school, tending baby along with full time job. I do not blame there is no room/time for you to pay attention to your husband. On the otherhand, for your husband this is a second marriage and might have an expection and desire wanting sweet and relaxed home life that most likely he couldn't get one from his first marriage. All of those, you may need to consider whether you can carry out or not. Otherwise, as you expected, .... probably, you might end up 'being a single' with a baby. 

Marriage is not really easy, unless both of us, the husband and wife has similar goal and plan. Did your husband agree when you stated master degree with baby? It's a lot of work to me. For him, probably he feels 'left-out' like living with a room-mate, rather with the wife. 

As to Bipolar, I'm a very first-hand experience on this, because one of very close relatives has one who has been on several meds. to control his Bp, but doing OK without the marriage. It's one of serious MI, next to schizophrenia. There are several different Bp, rapid cycler which cycles several times per day to two or three times per year. All depends on person to person, but in general folks with Bp have mood swings which easily triggered by stressful circumstances. 

Sounds like your husband has NO Bipolar, rather very miler form of some form of MI which needed to be dx'ed properly and get med. to control. In the meantime, I'd suggest pshcho-therapy, not MC, because you need to learn regarding mental illness and related issue.

Good Luck to both of you.


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## wifeyre (Oct 18, 2013)

Hi, I am bi-polar and I stopped taking meds months ago as my husband doesn't support me or believe I have it.

It is not gonna be easy but what I have noticed with me is that if he does things that make me happpy or make me feel important : I feel happy and have this excitement that life is worth living but if we argue or anything , I have regrets why I married him, I find myself praying for my death or thinking about leaving him. As I'm writting this I'm so determined to leave him.

Your husband may have life with you and your child but he will definitly go back to the phrase of wanting a divorce specially off meds cause they do really help.

I would advise that you support him, attend Doc sessions with him, reachout try to create good memories and assure him that you understand and you will be by his side all the way.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife is bipolar, but pretty high functioning, compared to others. She is no longer able to work, but she has only had to be hospitalized once (for a couple of weeks). Living with her isn't exactly easy. She seems to swing between complete disinterest to loathing and hostility. Rarely positive, only rare glimpses of anything that looks like nurturing. We can be chilling at the house, completely relaxed, no drama, and ten minutes later, she'll be all pissed off at the world or be sobbing like she's dying. Ask her what's wrong, I get, "nothing" or "everything" but no information I can use. After she rants or cries for thirty minutes or so, she's back to "normal" and acts like it never happened. She tends to be terribly critical of everyone else but seems to expect almost nothing of herself. Don't know if that's the bipolar or if that's just the way she is. Her mom and sister are really critical people, too, so it might just be the way she was raised. Her sex drive is near zero. If I had to describe living with her, it'd be like living with a human bomb. The slightest thing completely overwhelms her, emotionally. Doesn't make decisions, rarely answers her phone or gets the mail or cooks, or feeds the dog. She likes doing little art projects. She needs constant background noise, sleeps with the TV on and the light on. Interrupt her sleep and it's instant hostility. I think she's also got pretty significant depression and maybe PTSD. It's not for the weak. In many ways being married to her is like being assigned caregiver duties for a very difficult person with special needs who doesn't like you very much. If you need something, you'd better figure out how to get over it, because, for me, it's been pretty much a one way arrangement.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

I knew someone pretty well for several years who had bipolar. I watched her progression from out of control to stable and capable of healthy choices and maintaining focus and energy towards long-term goals. She was on meds, and they needed to be adjusted periodically to remain effective. She would very much struggle with self-care before she stabilized, and be unable to do what she needed to do. From what I gather, this inability to function for periods of time is not unusual. So yeah, the partner of someone struggling with that would need to be willing to caretake as needed, especially if their bipolar person is untreated. Not easy. 

My therapist suspected that my partner may have a mild form of bipolar (after seeing her and talking to her multiple sessions). Not her specialty, though, so she referred my partner to someone else, but my partner never went for the assessment. But my partner often struggles with everyday chores and getting things done. I would have to jump in and take over because she just couldn't deal with those things. Even now, it's like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sdyjdstyqing (Dec 20, 2013)

My brother has it. It has cost him his marriage,


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your input and experience with bipolar. Once again, nothing you guys have said seem like he's bipolar. No hospitalization is needed, he is extremely successful at his job and has a lot of respect there. He's never depressed, he doesn't go on crazy highs. We can laugh together all the time. I mean....you wouldn't think he was bipolar unless he told you he was diagnosed 10yrs ago. He said his treatment was to train his brain to balance itself out and control it. So maybe that's just working great for him.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Haru2013 said:


> You're a very busy person to deal all of those,.... school, tending baby along with full time job. I do not blame there is no room/time for you to pay attention to your husband. On the otherhand, for your husband this is a second marriage and might have an expection and desire wanting sweet and relaxed home life that most likely he couldn't get one from his first marriage. All of those, you may need to consider whether you can carry out or not. Otherwise, as you expected, .... probably, you might end up 'being a single' with a baby.
> 
> Marriage is not really easy, unless both of us, the husband and wife has similar goal and plan. Did your husband agree when you stated master degree with baby? It's a lot of work to me. For him, probably he feels 'left-out' like living with a room-mate, rather with the wife.
> 
> ...



I was already in grad school when we got pregnant. He actually kept pushing trying to have a baby back and back and back. We used to fight over it because I felt like he didn't want to have a baby and be a dad but he said that wasn't the case. He said that he was afraid that I wouldn't achieve my goals and finish my priorities once I have a kid and that we can't afford a kid. He has this thing about money. He grew up very very poor and money is his security. We both have good jobs and make a good living and money has not been an issue with us before or even after the baby. What was new to me was that he decided not to help me with the baby. I continued going to grad school rather taking any time off because of the fact that he told me that I wouldn't be able to do it. He does very little with the baby. On the other side, he took over maintaining our household. He does the laundry, dishes, makes us dinner, does the trash, takes care of the dogs, etc. I help when I can but haven't had much time. I feel like may be he's just overwhelmed with all the new responsibility, new baby, me not paying attention to him? When I was pregnant he would tell me how he'd help, keep her at home with him on his days off so I wouldn't have to take her to daycare, etc. When I first had her and he was home with me for a week or so (I had a c-section) he was totally hands on. Did everything, took great care of me during my recovery, etc. After that and when she started to get bigger and crying, etc. he stopped. Couldn't handle the crying.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

His Bipolar diagnosis might not have anything to do with how he feels about you. 

Mine is Bipolar. He can go from nice to raging f*cking @sshole in 9 seconds flat. I attribute that to a mix of his bipolar and borderline personality disorder. One minute he loves me, the next he wishes I would kill myself. He is attracted to me then he says I disgust him. 

I stopped believing anything he said, I can't tell which is the truth and which is the disorder.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> His Bipolar diagnosis might not have anything to do with how he feels about you.
> 
> Mine is Bipolar. He can go from nice to raging f*cking @sshole in 9 seconds flat. I attribute that to a mix of his bipolar and borderline personality disorder. One minute he loves me, the next he wishes I would kill myself. He is attracted to me then he says I disgust him.
> 
> I stopped believing anything he said, I can't tell which is the truth and which is the disorder.


Lisa - I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. My H is no where close to that thank gosh. I don't think I'd be very good at handling that. Maybe your right and his bipolar has nothing to do with why he wants to separate.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

heartbroken0426 said:


> Can someone with bipolar have a normal healthy marriage and relationship with their kid? If it is bipolar, is there a high probability that he'll do this to me again in the future? Does therapy really work for this? He's pursuing IC.


I find it hard to believe that he was diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago and you've felt that you had a "normal healthy marriage" during this time. 

A manic or depressive episode could lead to those kinds of statements, yes, and yes, they'd be likely to happen again if he had another manic or depressive episode. 

Both therapy and medication can work, depending on what the desired outcome is. However, what you want it to work on and what he wants may not be the same thing. Also, it's quite possible that he has those feelings anyway. While delusions and even psychosis can happen with some bipolar people, this doesn't sound like either of those, which means the feelings and thoughts are probably present all the time, but are magnified or minimized depending on where his mood's swinging.


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## DDDCanada (Mar 23, 2011)

My ex has bipolar disorder and it was one of the main reasons our marriage ended. She refused treatment completely and has volatile episodes on a regular basis. I have essentially had to ignore most communication with her unless it's something urgent related to our daughter.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"Can someone with bipolar have a normal healthy marriage and relationship with their kid?" 

I'm not a shrink, but the definition of a "disorder", as I understand it, is a condition that significantly interferes with what we might call "normal" life. I believe some people with bipolar can have successful marriages and some can have good relationships with their kids, but I think you can drop "normal" out of your vocabulary if bipolar is part of your relationship. If it didn't cause significant problems, at least on occasion, it wouldn't be a disorder. Maybe my view is over-simplistic.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

heartbroken0426 said:


> I was already in grad school when we got pregnant. He actually kept pushing trying to have a baby back and back and back. We used to fight over it because I felt like he didn't want to have a baby and be a dad but he said that wasn't the case. He said that he was afraid that I wouldn't achieve my goals and finish my priorities once I have a kid and that we can't afford a kid. He has this thing about money. He grew up very very poor and money is his security. We both have good jobs and make a good living and money has not been an issue with us before or even after the baby. What was new to me was that he decided not to help me with the baby. I continued going to grad school rather taking any time off because of the fact that he told me that I wouldn't be able to do it. He does very little with the baby. On the other side, he took over maintaining our household. He does the laundry, dishes, makes us dinner, does the trash, takes care of the dogs, etc. I help when I can but haven't had much time. I feel like may be he's just overwhelmed with all the new responsibility, new baby, me not paying attention to him? When I was pregnant he would tell me how he'd help, keep her at home with him on his days off so I wouldn't have to take her to daycare, etc. When I first had her and he was home with me for a week or so (I had a c-section) he was totally hands on. Did everything, took great care of me during my recovery, etc. After that and when she started to get bigger and crying, etc. he stopped. Couldn't handle the crying.


The desire to separate could have something to do with stress and resentment over the baby and the changing dynamics in your relationship. If you weren't able to devote sufficient time to maintaining your bond with him, and there was all that pressure of a new baby in the mix, it's only natural that issues would develop. Any psychological issues just complicate/compound the matter.


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