# A Night Alone...Strange...



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

No kids tonight - both at sleepovers.

STBX Wife - who still lives at home for now - gone to a "cookout" - which usually means she doesn't come home until the next day.

I worked most of today (Saturday) and need to go in for a bit tomorrow.

These are the kind of nights that I'm dreading. At least tonight, I've got the dog.

When the divorce is final, I'll have the kids more than half the time overnight. Its that "less than half" - that will be like tonight - that I'm afraid of. There - said it - I'm afraid...afraid of just being here alone.

Again - to be honest - a lot of things on my mind I could do tonight. Not all of them "good" or healthy! I "could" exercise - pick up around the house a bit - do some laundry - read - watch a movie.

Or - I could just sit here - troll around on Facebook for a while - have a few drinks - have a couple more - order a pizza - and throw myself a huge pity party.

I tell myself most days that I'm doing OK. Sometimes I even believe myself. We're basically in limbo - waiting for my STBXW to close on a house - and then we'll begin the process.

Day to day - most days - we get along. But we also avoid each other - so its still not exactly "pleasant."

Alright - that's what I've got for now. Thanks for listening.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

The former sounds like more fun and better for you ;o)


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yeah do the former. I also hate nights when Im by myself so I try and get out of the house. I could not imagine living together while going through this process one of us would be the other side of the grass.


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## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I wish I was in your shoes as far as nights alone. My son only sleeps over every other weekend. I am trying to get 50/50. But I am alone most nights and it blows!


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## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

A movie is usually good. Comedies are good; streaming movies have come in handy this weekend.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Well, a short nap was a good start...


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## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

People dont give in to feelings of sorrow. This maybe the hardest thing that i've ever done but I wont let this break me. Knowing that i have the support of such good people on this forum has made a big difference. Yes, I strugle day to day but i will not allow her to remove the last bit of joy from my heart. At some point and time we will have to embrace that feeling of lonelyness. If you have children, then bond more with them. I have one in his second year of college at a major university and my youngest will be off to college next fall. Our spouses think that they will break us but they are so wrong. They will be the broken ones and many are playing the victim.. Oh, don't dive into the bottle!..


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I hate nights (and days too) like the one you're having. I've gotten into the habit of turning on the shopping network channels just to hear people talking in real time. I don't have the attention span to sit through a movie. I try to keep busy with stuff around the house, but again, my attention span gives out on me and I have to move on to something else. It's so difficult. This weekend has been different, thank God. My daughter is home from school with a friend and my son is hanging out here tonight with two of his friends so I have a houseful.

Hang in there. It will probably get better once she moves out, then you won't wonder what she's out doing and when she'll be back and so forth. You'll have your own space and you can let your guard down. Until then stick with the healthier choices, you'll be glad you did.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Pizza, beer and the internet suits me just fine most nights. No pity party though.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

At some point you will find someone that blows your hair back. In the mean time dont be at the house alone. Go out and make some new friends. There are lonely people EVERYWHERE that want your company.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It will get easier with time.
When my H first left I did everything I possibly could to avoid coming home to an empty home.
I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and when they weren't here it was hard.

Eventually, it got easier. Now I can enjoy all the cheesy tv shows that I want and not have to listen to my H complain about it.
I read, go for walks, go to coffee houses...lots of things.

This will be a good time to maybe take up a hobby you've always wanted to but never had the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

OK - not diving into the bottle - but wading a bit.

Went to Buffalo Wild Wings - was a perfect 10 for 10 at Def Leppard Trivia!

Now - back home.

I have hobbies - they just aren't "all" healthy. Although I can play the bass and have a beer at the same time.

According to Facebook - I have 100 friends - even more. I just don't know who they are...

And the only Football that really counts is on Sunday! Go Steelers!

Gonna chill with the dog now...think I'll survive. But - after January - he's on the STBXW's side of "the list."

Limbo sucks...

Thanks to you all. Just wish some of you could meet me out for a drink and dinner some night.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Man hate you are having such a ruff night ng. Keep your head up this s(it definitley sucks. Im having a ruff night also and it sucks badly.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Lostouthere said:


> Man hate you are having such a ruff night ng. Keep your head up this s(it definitley sucks. Im having a ruff night also and it sucks badly.


Can only get better, right?


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Man I sure hope so because this really sucks I thought it magically ended when the divorce was final but I was wrong.


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## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> Go out and make some new friends. There are lonely people EVERYWHERE that want your company.


I still do not know how to go out and make new friends. How do you do it?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

TheMizz...erable said:


> I still do not know how to go out and make new friends. How do you do it?


VERY good question...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Well, I avoided the pity party, but didn't avoid the bottle quite so well.

Going to learn to have to be alone without any "aids" or outside help - if you will.

Part of why I say this is strange is that for years I've complained about never having the house to myself. I guess its different though when its by your own "choice" - and not because someone you used to love can no longer stand to be around you...


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Nice777guy,
You know my situation. Still living in the same house, but hope to move within a couple weeks. I admit I am afraid too. Afraid of what I could probably fill this page, but suffice it to say, afraid of the sadness mostly.
I could play a little Xbox, maybe. I am a "cat" guy, I have a couple I will be taking with me. I am hoping I can focus on making the new house "my" pad, you know, my Man cave.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Nice777guy,
> You know my situation. Still living in the same house, but hope to move within a couple weeks. I admit I am afraid too. Afraid of what I could probably fill this page, but suffice it to say, afraid of the sadness mostly.
> I could play a little Xbox, maybe. I am a "cat" guy, I have a couple I will be taking with me. I am hoping I can focus on making the new house "my" pad, you know, my Man cave.


Yes - you and I are both in "limbo" - stuck with someone who doesn't want to seem to want us around and who has better things to do.

I've been trying to "go out" - just because it seems fair. Why should SHE get to leave all the time. But - I haven't made a lot of progress towards making friends. So - for me - going out - is usually just sitting at a sports bar, watching some TV and having a couple of drinks. Maybe if I'm lucky I get a bartender who'll engage in some chit-chat.

I also have some man-cave type plans - but in my case, I'm the one staying put. I guess I could start making some changes while she's still there - but the place is such a mess - I don't want to be there half the time.

I also don't like the idea of her going out. Wish it didn't hurt me - but it does. But - then again - once she's gone - I usually breathe much easier.

A lot of emotions that I've just got to feel my way through for a few more months.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Nice,

Things will get better. Fortunately I didn't have to share the house while separated. As for meeting people, you won't if you just sit on that bar stool and not engage people. Is there an adult sports league group in your area? Look for one. Here in Charlotte we've got a great one with softball, soccer, bowling, kickball, and more type leagues. Always a good thing.

Playing soccer certainly helped me through and I've made some really good friends through it. People I would never have met any other way. Get more involved in your church, if you go. Take a class on something at your local community college.

If just takes some effort. I'm on the other side now. I enjoy times when I'm by myself. See I don't view that as being alone. I'm not. I have my son and my friends even when I'm by myself.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Feelingalone said:


> Nice,
> 
> Things will get better. Fortunately I didn't have to share the house while separated. As for meeting people, you won't if you just sit on that bar stool and not engage people. Is there an adult sports league group in your area? Look for one. Here in Charlotte we've got a great one with softball, soccer, bowling, kickball, and more type leagues. Always a good thing.
> 
> ...


Ive been doing Judo/Karate for the last year. But we've had a change in teachers, and the students are dropping like flies. Might be time to move along for me as well - although its still something I enjoy and something I can work on alone or do in class.

And yes - Church involvement is also on the list.

Right now though, work is keeping me TOO busy. Worked about 6 hours Saturday and 4 on Sunday - please a couple of extra hours most days last week.

Between the (temporarily, I hope) increase in stress at work - AND living with my STBX - it just feels like a lot some days.


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