# Desperate! getting past the past, please read



## mmzgirl (Jul 13, 2012)

Hello,
Two months ago I realized I have lost respect for my husband. He had spent a lot of time exploding at me in front of our children and yelling at me. Over time this caused damage to our relationship. I finally told him I wanted to separate. He quickly got into counseling and increased his mood stablilizer. For some reason I just have not been able to forgive him and I keep thinking about him moving out or me moving out. everyday is constant anxiety for me as that is all I can think about. The thought of not being with my kids full time terrifies me. I keep trying to talk myself into not leaving or changing my mind about how I feel but I can't seem to do that. He was the love of my life and now I do not respect him and can't seem to get past how he treated me. We have two very well behaved wonderful children together but I see him differently now and want so much to change the way I feel. I am desperate, I spent most of my days crying and having panic attacks and feeling guilty about how I feel. If anyone could please respond with some feedback it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Mmzgirl He no longer yells at me and has been working hard on his temper.


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## sos444 (Jul 14, 2012)

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and have gone through this mmzgirl

How much time has passed since the initial issue and now? How long has the counselling been in place?

Loss of respect is very similar to resentment in the way it is formed and its duration.

You have to always be honest with yourself and your feelings, however I feel tempted to tell you to give it more time and see how you are feeling in more time.

I have learned so much in the last few weeks of my life, one being that marriage really isn't plain sailing and that as people, we are constantly changing, making mistakes, growing and developing.

Do you love your husband? I know there is more to marriage than simple love, but it's at least a foundation.

All the best


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## DocHoliday (Jan 19, 2012)

How are you doing? My marriage had similar situation- I have been struggling for six and a half years trying to climb out of a hole.

Some days are OK, others just suck. I considered myself someone who does not hold grudges, but it is very hard to get over deciet.

what are your plans?


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## preets (Aug 29, 2012)

You gave an answer to yourself by thinking and appreciating that he is working hard on his temper. Try to analyze his mental state at different times. Please don't take risk of separation. Since you have 2 kids and they are growing. At this stage when they see their parents separate, their future will shatter. Instead both of you can work hard on your relationship, as he is trying. You should also try, by the way of giving extra care and love to your husband. If at a time he is shouting,dont argue with him or even speak loud with him. Instead when he stops and in good mood, u can make a cup of tea/coffee for both of you and talk on the issue recently happend. I am sure being a father, he loves his kids too, so tell him that if they fight like this what our children learn from us. 

Preeti


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