# Betrayed spouse with skeleton in the closet???



## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

I was wondering if there is someone here who has learned their spouse cheated on them yet they are not completely innocent either?

To be more specific has anyone also cheated on their on their now unfaithful spouse, but they got away with it? 

Like you cheated when you guys were only dating or maybe at the very beginning of the marriage? Btw I most talking about those who cheated and realised they made a mistake and did not do it again.

How did you react when learning that your spouse cheated on you? Did you comteplate being honest with them about your own infidelity? Did you find yourself being less aggressive than you previously imaged you´d be, maybe because you feltthat in a way you deserved it? Or did you unleash your full hatred on them as if you never did the same, simply because they don't know that you cheated too?

PS.: This did not happen to me btw, it's just that I am so curious about how people in this position react when they learn they were betrayed too.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mine isn't exactly like that, but I did cheat (EA) before my husband did (also EA). He knew about mine, or at least suspected but couldn't fully prove (the second one). By the time his started, he believed I had completely checked out emotionally, so figured I wouldn't even care. I was torn about how I felt about it... did I have the right to be pissed off that he was doing the same thing I did? Did it make me a hypocrite? But, in the end, I still confronted him about it. And now, we are doing much better than we were before. I came clean to him and everything. I yelled and accused at one point. We argued about it for months. I was aggressive about his because I had been there. I knew where his was going. And, I knew that if I DIDN'T do something, there would be no chance we would reconcile... because of his nature (and that is NOT a slam against him).


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Me! I almost hesitate to call myself a BS because I was having an EA w/some physical stuff (not sex...as if that makes a diff) anyhow my EA was a year long when he had his short PA. So yes, I was cheating and getting away with it and then I caught him cheating...and I was very hurt!! Sounds so hypocritical! 
I was not in love with my AP at all, and immediately ended that, as did my H end his. I had to keep telling myself, how can you be so mad and hurt...you contributed to this in so many ways...but I was still devastated in him and mostly in myself. I was so stupid, selfish, and blind! I had to confess after his dday! He didnt even believe me at first and thought I was making it up to hurt him back!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

sunshinetoday said:


> Me! I almost hesitate to call myself a BS because I was having an EA w/some physical stuff (not sex...as if that makes a diff) anyhow my EA was a year long when he had his short PA. So yes, I was cheating and getting away with it and then I caught him cheating...and I was very hurt!! Sounds so hypocritical!
> I was not in love with my AP at all, and immediately ended that, as did my H end his. I had to keep telling myself, how can you be so mad and hurt...you contributed to this in so many ways...but I was still devastated in him and mostly in myself. I was so stupid, selfish, and blind! I had to confess after his dday! He didnt even believe me at first and thought I was making it up to hurt him back!


I am curious... how much did your year long EA contribute, in your opinion, to his PA? Not that it would be an excuse and I find no excuses for betrayals, but I was just wondering. BTW, I glanced at your info and thought the pic of holding the sun very well done.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

My year long EA contributed to his A in so many ways, first I obviously was not being a good wife, not giving my spouse enough thought or consideration and second I was not valuing my H because of all the extra "secret attention" my AP was giving to me (and you probably wont like this) but if I were not having it, he would have never gotten away with having his! Because when he started telling me, Im working late...instead of questioning or doubting I would think, oh good I can go email and text with my AP without having to sneak, since he isnt here. I feel so sick when I think about it now! If I wasnt so wrapped up in my EA I like to think I would have noticed what was going on, and my H was starting to pick little stupid fights with me-but because I was selfish and living in the fog...I didnt care, until I found those damn texts on his phone! Sure shocked this girl into reality.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Nope. Never. No skeletons. And trust me, ive had plenty of chances. 

Any time i felt attracted to another man, i stayed far far far away from them. 

If only everyone would learn to do this.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Had chances but no skeletons.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Ditto.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Feeling attracted to another man, is different than admitting someone is attractive. If you are attracted to someone, you are crossing the boundaries ESPICALLY IF YOU ARE MARRIED. Being attracted, and saying someone is attractive, are two totally different ball games.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I don't think you can truly "get away" with cheating. Even if you are not caught, the emotional investment in the affair or in covering up the infidelity saps energy from the marriage. So if any BS with a hidden cheating background were to unleash their full hatred at the WS they would be hypocritical in the extreme. Sure they can be hurt and angry but I would hope they would use the opportunity to come clean with their past before there is any talk of reconciliation.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Cheaters tend to be selfish and would not look at their own infidelity. They will rationalize their own cheating and feel hugely betrayed by their spouse for even considering cheating.

Cheaters tend to be more jealous than a trustworthy spouse. iMHO


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## buladscot (Jan 8, 2013)

Had chances but no skeletons.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Not unique.

Many WS years ago come on these forums now as a BS. They are pissed off big time that their then BS/ now WS is now having an affair.

They also realize this is hypocritical on their part, but they are capable of feeling the pain and anger of being a BS and a WS at the same time. Compartmentalizing of the brain is a wonderful thing.

Thing is we mostly see the WS/BS come here that regrets their affair and wants to recover the marriage with their BS/WS.

So they are willing to own up to what they did. We don't see the other kind.


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