# Sexy texts



## TiredinTx (Dec 13, 2021)

Hi.
Thanks for reading. My wife and I have lots of issues in our marriage and we are in counseling. One of the main issues has always been I am the high drive and she is the LD in the marriage.

So my question is this, a few years ago we made a joint decision (she suggested and I agreed) to live apart for 6 months as it was best for the children logistically as we live abroad and my child needed a surgery and recovery in the home country. I openly expressed that I missed her and wanted to maintain our connection. She refused to send any pictures (that’s dirty), send any sexy texts and basically all communication was about the general events of the day. Is this normal in your experience?

I told her then and again now in counseling that I wanted to keep a connection but she thinks general chit chat with nothing sexual is normal. How long is too long and is it your experience to have zero setting in marriage?

We have lots of issues in our sex kids and marriage overall. Hence the counseling.

Thanks


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She’s not into you romantically. That’s pretty much it. You’re living apart for 6 months. How many times has she asked you to talk to her or told you she missed you. It sounds like a one sided love affair. Jmo


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Was she low drive in the beginning of your relationship and marriage?

I'm not sure I would ever send 'naughty' pictures. Once a picture is out there on the internet, etc., it can never be removed. A lot of people feel this way.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

My wife and I don't do sexting either -- agree with EleGirl -- once its out there, it's out there......


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Not everybody is into sexy pictures & texts. I love & lust my husband but there is no way I would send sexy pictures. Too much risk they would get out. It's for his eyes only. So I'm with your wife about no pictures. Sexy text messages can be more subtle. They don't have to read like porn; they can be more romance novel. Try reframing your focus from the physical to the cerebral: love not lust.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Living away from your wife for 6 months = no wife in my book. Would never let that happen.

As for sexting/pictures we have never done that and probably wouldn’t.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

My concern is that being apart for this long, you really are growing apart. By only giving you updates about kids or house finances, she’s doing what we tell betrayed spouses to do to help them disconnect from their partner. I understand that she’s dealing with a stressful situation with your kid but this should be a time that you cling to each other as a loving team against the arrows that life is slinging your family’s way.

Do you really know what she’s doing with her time. I’ve lost count of the number threads of husbands who had wives that connected with another man during their ordeal of dealing with a kid that has special needs or dealing with a health issue. You better be sure that you’re not just dealing with a low drive wife and instead have a wife who is emotionally attaching to another man.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Sounds to me like a marriage of convenience.

Just wait until those kids are gone and you have NOTHING to talk about at all, and absolutely NOTHING in common.

You're wasting your time, OP.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

My wife replies with stuff like this if I ever text her that I want her: 😘 ❤ …etc. lol . It’s just who she is.

What’s not normal is not living together for 6 months… dang. Quit worrying about texts and fix your family living situation.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

we have been married for 13+ years - out of these years wife sent sexy pic may be 5-10 times, not even sexy talk. our chit chat about kids and chores etc. boring I know
do you trust her? I would check her phone and emails just in case


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

That six months apart was her suggestion.

A loving wife would never consider such a thing. It would wrench her heart to consider this.

That is your wake up call, and yes, your' dinner bell is broken.

She is relieved that she is no longer pestered by your anxious pecker.

Bow out now, divorce, and pick another flower.

This one has went, wilted, both here and away.









_Black Moon Lilith-_


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Six months apart at her suggestion? She basically legally separated from you in the eyes of the court


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TiredinTx said:


> Hi.
> Thanks for reading. My wife and I have lots of issues in our marriage and we are in counseling. One of the main issues has always been I am the high drive and she is the LD in the marriage.
> 
> So my question is this, a few years ago we made a joint decision (she suggested and I agreed) to live apart for 6 months as it was best for the children logistically as we live abroad and my child needed a surgery and recovery in the home country. I openly expressed that I missed her and wanted to maintain our connection. She refused to send any pictures (that’s dirty), send any sexy texts and basically all communication was about the general events of the day. Is this normal in your experience?
> ...


Well, as you've stated, you have problems in the sex department anyway. Unfortunately, I don't believe you two being separated, even if it makes sense otherwise, is going to be anything but detrimental for the health of your marriage.

Mrs. Conan is certainly more on the side of being cautious and less risky when it comes to sex but we have exchanged sexy pictures via text messages and deleted them afterwards. It definitely helped us have some fun with each other when we were separated by work requirements.

You have bigger problems than a wife who won't sext you however, so the real question is how are you two going to work to improve your marriage?


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Lots of people don't like to send nude or sexy pictures of themselves. The lack of sexting in your marriage is the least of your worries.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've never sent sexy photos or texts to each other, even when my wife was away for 3 months in another country to take a special course. We did hang out on skype for hours, even leaving it on when one of us was out of the room. However, we've never had a problem with our sex life, so lack of sexy photos or texts simply isn't important _for us_.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I don't send sexy pics or texts in general
If I was separated for 6 months due to my child having surgery I also wouldn't feel sexy. I don't feel sexy when I'm worried about my loved ones. I don't know how sick your child is or why you aren't there with your family but since you are not there and not feeling the stress of a sick child everyday you might be coming off as insensitive to your wife.

If I had to be separated for 6 months I still wouldn't send pics. That's forever and you never know if anyone else might intercept such messages. or when a phone might get lost. 

The bigger issue seems to be you need an improvement in the marriage not in sexy pics.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

My wife increasingly compartmentalizes our sex life as we and the kids get older. We used to have sexy videos, toys, lingerie and now none of it. Lest the kids find it. She used to give me a hard time while dating because I wasn’t overly affectionate and she joked I was worried my commander would see us. 

The best I’ll get is a peach emoji. Just this weekend she sent me one and I relied with an eggplant. The next day with extended family we were talking about awkward photos so my 11-year old daughter took one my wife’s butt as a joke with my wife’s phone. She was mortified but I asked my daughter to text me the pic (from wife’s phone). Then in front of everyone she says “Dad why did your did you send mom an eggplant emoji?” We all had a good laugh but my wife was sooooo embarrassed.

There’s something to be said about the permanence of the Internet but on the other hand, some people like/love sex but are extremely avoidant and/or squeamish WRT sexuality or sexual expression. My wife is this way. Also my wife has body image issues so she hates to even do FaceTime for normal conversations and if I take a pick and say “yummy look at this” we dismisses it. Even at almost 50 her default sexual expression is that of an goofy high schooler not a sexually confident woman.

When I deployed for a year, we went over 5 months without seeing each other. Out of sight, out of mind. She was dealing with kids stress at home and we were basically coparents over phone and email. She had zero interest in anything sexual.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TiredinTx (Dec 13, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Was she low drive in the beginning of your relationship and marriage?
> 
> I'm not sure I would ever send 'naughty' pictures. Once a picture is out there on the internet, etc., it can never be removed. A lot of people feel this way.


Thanks for your comment. She was not low drive at all in the beginning of our marriage. This changed after kids and she now views herself as a mom, I guess instead of a wife and lover. Fully understand and appreciate your comment on pictures but you can send sexy clothed pictures or pictures of lingerie you might like or a swimsuit pic. Maybe I am wrong here but I just feel like there are ways to try to make a connection and showing your partner you miss them physically without putting yourself at risk here.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TiredinTx said:


> Thanks for your comment. She was not low drive at all in the beginning of our marriage. This changed after kids and she now views herself as a mom, I guess instead of a wife and lover. Fully understand and appreciate your comment on pictures but you can send sexy clothed pictures or pictures of lingerie you might like or a swimsuit pic. Maybe I am wrong here but I just feel like there are ways to try to make a connection and showing your partner you miss them physically without putting yourself at risk here.


I'm not sure why you expect your wife to want to make a long-distance connection with you sexually when you've admitted that she hasn't done that much when you were together. It sounds like you are expecting her to be a different person.

You aren't wrong at all. FOR YOU. But it sounds like she doesn't have the same focus on sexually connecting with you that you need to be happy, and you might need to accept that and make your choices based on who she is now and what she wants sexually now, instead of expecting her to change.

Do you ever address these issues in counseling? What have you both done to compromise with the sexual needs and expectations that you both have that are SO different?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> I'm not sure why you expect your wife to want to make a long-distance connection with you sexually when you've admitted that she hasn't done that much when you were together. It sounds like you are expecting her to be a different person.
> 
> You aren't wrong at all. FOR YOU. But it sounds like she doesn't have the same focus on sexually connecting with you that you need to be happy, and you might need to accept that and make your choices based on who she is now and what she wants sexually now, instead of expecting her to change.
> 
> Do you ever address these issues in counseling? *What have you both done to compromise with the sexual needs and expectations that you both have that are SO different?*


Can I respond? 😋
He’s gone without sex for countless days, still loves his wife, and wants a romantic relationship with her and makes an effort to have one, in spite of zero from her.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Can I respond? 😋
> He’s gone without sex for countless days, still loves his wife, and wants a romantic relationship with her and makes an effort to have one, in spite of zero from her.


Lol!! Of course you can respond, silly!

If his reasoning is as you say, is he making the effort, though? Or just expecting more of an effort from her?

I don't blame him (at all)...I was just pointing out that his expectations aren't going to get him what he wants.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Separations never work. It is just and excuse people use to say they tried everything. I would be very surprised if there isn't another man she's slept with or at least wants to.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> Lol!! Of course you can respond, silly!
> 
> If his reasoning is as you say, is he making the effort, though? Or just expecting more of an effort from her?
> 
> I don't blame him (at all)...I was just pointing out that his expectations aren't going to get him what he wants.


I totally agree…. Just thinking to myself that most guys are willing to put in some effort for some sex….. but in my opinion, if you’ve got to go to great lengths to get it, it’s probably not worth getting.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> have exchanged sexy pictures via text messages and deleted them afterwards.


The bad thing - YOU may have deleted from your local device, but you should realize those images are on the carriers SYSTEM and also on their backup/archival storage -- for a LONG time. Many companies have a 3 year minimum for backups and SOME companies have a 7 - 10 year backup requirement.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jlg07 said:


> The bad thing - YOU may have deleted from your local device, but you should realize those images are on the carriers SYSTEM and also on their backup/archival storage -- for a LONG time. Many companies have a 3 year minimum for backups and SOME companies have a 7 - 10 year backup requirement.


That's ok. If they want to admire my godlike physique and very generous endowment, more power to them.😉

There is very limited use they could get away with and they would destroy themselves if they ever crossed a line.

I'm obviously a lot more "devil may care" than my Mrs. but if anyone crossed a line or harmed her, they would regret the moment their mother decided that more than a kiss was warranted with their fathers.😈


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## TiredinTx (Dec 13, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> I'm not sure why you expect your wife to want to make a long-distance connection with you sexually when you've admitted that she hasn't done that much when you were together. It sounds like you are expecting her to be a different person.
> 
> You aren't wrong at all. FOR YOU. But it sounds like she doesn't have the same focus on sexually connecting with you that you need to be happy, and you might need to accept that and make your choices based on who she is now and what she wants sexually now, instead of expecting her to change.
> 
> Do you ever address these issues in counseling? What have you both done to compromise with the sexual needs and expectations that you both have that are SO different?


Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it. I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve. I just don’t know how to improve the situation.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sadly, you really can’t. She has no desire to change. And she’s comfortable in the situation, but not showing you she loves you or has romantic interest in you whatsoever. 
are you supporting her financially? What are the good aspects of your relationship?
I mean, she’s GONE……. How great can it be?


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## TiredinTx (Dec 13, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sadly, you really can’t. She has no desire to change. And she’s comfortable in the situation, but not showing you she loves you or has romantic interest in you whatsoever.
> are you supporting her financially? What are the good aspects of your relationship?
> I mean, she’s GONE……. How great can it be?


Honestly there isn’t much I can say is great. Come from a divorced family and the divorce was hell so I said I would never but now I get it. Just worried about the kids


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I totally agree…. Just thinking to myself that most guys are willing to put in some effort for some sex….. but in my opinion, if you’ve got to go to great lengths to get it, it’s probably not worth getting.


To ME, what is shows is a lack of CARE from his partner. I'm not sure what can be done to change that...I've very rarely seen that ever change.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TiredinTx said:


> Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it. I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve. I just don’t know how to improve the situation.


That's a big part of the problem -- YOUR needs are invisible to her because HER needs are all taken care of. So she can be SELFISH.

I don't think there is a way to "improve" a relationship with someone who doesn't care about you. I was never able to either.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> That's ok. If they want to admire my godlike physique and very generous endowment, more power to them.😉
> 
> There is very limited use they could get away with and they would destroy themselves if they ever crossed a line.
> 
> I'm obviously a lot more "devil may care" than my Mrs. but if anyone crossed a line or harmed her, they would regret the moment their mother decided that more than a kiss was warranted with their fathers.😈


I get you, but I sure wouldn't want THEIR techs to be checking out nudes of my wife...... I also don't care about me, but THAT would be super uncomfortable, so we just avoid it.


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## TiredinTx (Dec 13, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> I get you, but I sure wouldn't want THEIR techs to be checking out nudes of my wife...... I also don't care about me, but THAT would be super uncomfortable, so we just avoid it.


Thanks for the reply but wasn’t even talking about nudes. Just something suggestive to show she cares about the marriage


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jlg07 said:


> I get you, but I sure wouldn't want THEIR techs to be checking out nudes of my wife...... I also don't care about me, but THAT would be super uncomfortable, so we just avoid it.


So the carriers are storing text messages for years and looking at them?

That seems bizarre. I did see something about them trying to get access to the pictures on your phone a while back though.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TiredinTx said:


> She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it.


If one partner bails for 6 months they’re not that happy.

I can’t remember was she ever very sexual?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TiredinTx said:


> Thanks for the reply but wasn’t even talking about nudes. Just something suggestive to show she cares about the marriage


In your OP you said this separation was a few years ago, correct? Does that mean you have been back together since then and you are just questioning why she didn't send sexy pics/texts back then?

My wife will NEVER allow a nude photo or video. Not even on a device not connected to the internet. There have been time when I'm traveling for business and she will flash me on video chat, but that is about it.

As others have said, this is not the main issue in your marriage and doesn't require any attention. Work on fixing the bigger problems.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

TiredinTx said:


> Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it. I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve. I just don’t know how to improve the situation.


She really doesn’t sound like she loves you, let alone be “in love,” that’s especially important to women. That she openly admits that you’re meeting her needs but has no desire to meet yours is very telling. I’m always very suspicious when a spouse, especially a wife wants a separation. That’s usually a sign that she wants to take another man for a trial run without the husband being in the way. 

Like I said earlier, it’s NOT rare for a wife going through a rough time with a love one’s health issues to connect with another man. It’s like they completely blow off everything their husband does for them. The OM can be saying the same things that the husband says but it carries more weight from OM.

A loving wife who’s on team @TiredinTx would want you there by her side when your child is going through health issues not suggesting a separation. You must find out what she’s up to with her time.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TiredinTx said:


> Hi.
> Thanks for reading. My wife and I have lots of issues in our marriage and we are in counseling. One of the main issues has always been I am the high drive and she is the LD in the marriage.
> 
> So my question is this, a few years ago we made a joint decision (she suggested and I agreed) to live apart for 6 months as it was best for the children logistically as we live abroad and my child needed a surgery and recovery in the home country. I openly expressed that I missed her and wanted to maintain our connection. She refused to send any pictures (that’s dirty), send any sexy texts and basically all communication was about the general events of the day. Is this normal in your experience?
> ...


When I was working, there were times when we were apart for weeks at a time as my work required it. Of course those times were before the internet, text messages. We talked on the phone everyday and exchanged sweet nothings. My wife is too modest to be explicitly sexual even over the phone, but got the message to me loud and clear with tone and innuendo what would happen when I got home. And she always kept her promises.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> So the carriers are storing text messages for years and looking at them?
> 
> That seems bizarre. I did see something about them trying to get access to the pictures on your phone a while back though.


Yeah, think about it -- those pics HAVE to go through their systems, yes? It's not guaranteed that they ARE looking at them, but they CAN if they wanted to/needed to....

AND don't forget a few years ago of the hack on all of the celebrities that had their pics stolen that they had sent via phone (although I believe that was a cloud backup hack IIRC) -- it can and does happen.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

TiredinTx said:


> Thanks for your comment. She was not low drive at all in the beginning of our marriage. This changed after kids and she now views herself as a mom, I guess instead of a wife and lover. Fully understand and appreciate your comment on pictures but you can send sexy clothed pictures or pictures of lingerie you might like or a swimsuit pic. Maybe I am wrong here but I just feel like there are ways to try to make a connection and showing your partner you miss them physically without putting yourself at risk here.


Most older women have self-image issue about "sexy" photos. Some as has been posted have huge concerns over how anything can be captured off the internet or cell phone communications.

My suggestion is if your are still in therapy with your wife (and if not if you start again) would be to talk about your need to feel emotionally connected to your wife. Also ask and listen to find out if she has self image problems. If she does, then with the therapist/marriage counselor's help, ask if a Boudior Photo session for you wife might help her, and still provide you with some photos is and when you shoud be apart again. 

Many of the Boudior photographers are women and the session often includes make-up, hair styling, use of clothes. They are skilled in the art of illusion of sexy without full frontal nudity. They can also remove wrinkles, blemishes, etc with photoshop. Some women who have done this have found it changes their self-image.

Good luck.

I think photos are overrated, but the warm body of my wife is what I want to hold and feel close to.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Not disputing self image issue for OP's wife. But isn't this somewhat affected by his response to her? My wife is "an 'older' woman", but has zero self-image issues. My reaction when her clothes come off ( and when she is fully clothed) might have something to do with that. I mean she knows I have always thought she was smoking hot. OTOH, there is absolutely no way she would ever tolerate posing in lingerie or otherwise. When we were young marrieds and I was stupid, she allowed me to take a polaroid in her birthday suit. It stayed in my dresser drawer until we had our first child, when she wisely made me destroy it.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

TiredinTx said:


> Hi.
> Thanks for reading. My wife and I have lots of issues in our marriage and we are in counseling. One of the main issues has always been I am the high drive and she is the LD in the marriage.
> 
> So my question is this, a few years ago we made a joint decision (she suggested and I agreed) to live apart for 6 months as it was best for the children logistically as we live abroad and my child needed a surgery and recovery in the home country. I openly expressed that I missed her and wanted to maintain our connection. She refused to send any pictures (that’s dirty), send any sexy texts and basically all communication was about the general events of the day. Is this normal in your experience?
> ...


How many times have you gone to the counselor?

Sometimes you just have to admit that it’s not a good match. I can’t see anywhere in your story that you two are matched well.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

CatholicDad said:


> My wife replies with stuff like this if I ever text her that I want her: 😘 ❤ …etc. lol . It’s just who she is.
> 
> *What’s not normal is not living together for 6 months… dang.* Quit worrying about texts and fix your family living situation.


This is a reality for military families. Way too normal, sadly.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

TiredinTx said:


> Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it. I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve. I just don’t know how to improve the situation.


This right here is probably the heart of your problem. Has she ever said anything about how she might be willing to address the lack of your needs getting met. Keep in mind that she is perfectly within her rights to say that she wants nothing more, but that doesn't mean that she shouldn't be working to find a compromise with you. Whether that is agreed upon willful sex times, or open relationship or whatever you two decide and are comfortable with. But if she is not willing to work with you to make this a marriage in full, then it's time to not bother. While there is the concern about the kids, keep in mind that sometimes parents remaining together is more damaging for kids than is them separating. Also separating doesn't mean that you have to stop co-parenting.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Was she low drive in the beginning of your relationship and marriage?
> 
> I'm not sure I would ever send 'naughty' pictures. Once a picture is out there on the internet, etc., it can never be removed. A lot of people feel this way.


Agreed on the pictures, but texts of "I miss you / want you" are fairly normal / routine. If my spouse went 6 months without even communicating interest, I'd be working on an exit.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Numb26 said:


> Six months apart at her suggestion? She basically legally separated from you in the eyes of the court


Ordinarily I'd be inclined to agree, but this was at least in theory for medical care for their kid. Not sure you could argue abandonment.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

I haven't read all of the replies, but my husband and I use a dedicated app (instead of text) to flirt, talk dirty, and send nekkid pics. We don't keep anything stored in photos. The more you practice talking dirty, the better and more comfortable you get at it. I don't think there's an excuse for not giving it a try. The fact that she doesn't think it's important to keep that alive is concerning.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

FWIW, you can’t “delete” a picture you’ve texted or sent over the internet to someone. It’s backed up and can (and has been) hacked. The likelihood anything will ever come of it is so small that it’s statistically insignificant but the truth is, you’re not able to delete texted pictures or pics sent through email or any other way because it’s all being backed up.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

My wife sends me nudes or videos of her masturbating all the time. I love it.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

thunderchad said:


> My wife sends me nudes or videos of her masturbating all the time. I love it.


Unless you post proof you're lying. 

Sorry couldn't resist.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Find us on reddit


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

TiredinTx said:


> Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it. I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve. I just don’t know* how to improve the situation.*


Spend more weekends fishing.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> Spend more weekends fishing.


Truth. She's happy in a fundamentally unbalanced situation. It's easy to be content when you have your needs met without too much effort.

The real issue is whether she would stick around if you lowered your level of effort to match hers.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TiredinTx said:


> Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. *She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it.* I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve. I just don’t know how to improve the situation.


So she suggested a 6 month separation and was fine being away the whole time. She is fine with things as they are and cares nothing about you being unhappy. You wanting to improve things is irrelevant as it is obvious she doesn't. There is nothing you can do to fix this, she has checked out of any romantic interest in you. Since you have no desire to divorce, you are living the life now you will live in the future. Stop wasting time and money on counseling.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

DTO said:


> Truth. She's happy in a fundamentally unbalanced situation. It's easy to be content when you have your needs met without too much effort.
> 
> *The real issue is whether she would stick around* if you lowered your level of effort to match hers.


This is an issue? Seems the OP would be better off if she initiated a divorce. How would he be any worse off? If the right guy comes along who tickles her fancy, she will be gone.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TiredinTx said:


> Thank you for your comment. We have discussed this in counseling and she has said her needs are met and she doesn’t “need” sex like I do. She says she is happy in the marriage and acknowledges that I am not but does nothing to change it.
> *I have no desire to divorce and I do love her and want things to improve.*
> I just don’t know how to improve the situation.


NONE OF US had any desire to divorce, and loved our partners...but what we understood was that divorce was the only way to be with a partner who wanted to care about us and meet our needs too.

Because of what I bolded, she will have no desire to improve anything.
Your love and devotion are going to get you exactly what you are willing to accept from her -- YOU give her what she needs, and she gives herself what she needs. YOU are invisible.

So if you stay, recognize that YOU are choosing your wife exactly as she is right now, and your relationship exactly as it is right now. You are not a victim. This is YOUR CHOICE.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Lower your effort. She's not giving you what you need, don't give her what she needs.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

texts are so impersonal.
when my wife travelled every week for business, i found video chatting was much more effective. you need to see each other after that much separation time.

as far as the sexy part, i never could talk her into sending me anything, not even a booby pic.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Rus47 said:


> This is an issue? Seems the OP would be better off if she initiated a divorce. How would he be any worse off? If the right guy comes along who tickles her fancy, she will be gone.


That was my point. It's almost a guarantee she wouldn't stick around if this imbalance didn't exist. If he doubts this, let him start blowing her off and see for himself.


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