# Women cheat 3 times as often as men



## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

....according to the "Coping with Infidelity" section of TAM. I just read the titles of threads and it seems that a 1 to 3 ratio of men cheating versus women cheating seems to be about right.

Thoughts?


----------



## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Maybe men are less willing to talk a out it?


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It has to be somewhere close to the percentage of men vs. women. I mean, I don't think there are that many more of either sex that cheat. I think the difference in the total amount for each sex would reflect the difference in the population.

Don't know if I said that right. Oh well...


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Women often have a lot of friends and family that serve as support systems if their husbands are cheating, so they might not come to a message board. They talk it out with their friends who know them. 

Men might not have a lot of people to turn to, or might not want to turn to the people they know to talk about their wives' cheating on them.


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I think it is actually split down the line. Men and women cheat in equal numbers. 

But I find men are better are cutting off their AP usually. 

Women fall in love. And want to entertian delusional fantasies. Usually. 

Not always though. My wife told me she had a few, but eventually she realized what she was doing. 

Something else I think is a big issue:
Woman have more outreach groups for cheating husbands. 

Because most of society assumes it is the man that cheats. Never the wife. Because she is pure. She is holy. She is whatever. There are church groups, charity groups, feminist groups, etc. to help women deal with a wayward husband. 

What is there for a husband? 
I looked, and all I found was a church group to help men that have cheated on their wives. 

Also I think it is a matter of privacy. 

Woman probably tell everyone, and want support. 

Guys, do we do that?
I posted something on my facebook about it, but I felt stupid, and I was so angry with myself for doing it. 
Because what I wanted was betrayed husband's anonymous. I didn't want people knowing I couldn't keep my wife satisfied. That was humiliating!!! 
I just wanted people to help me out, but not know me, because it owuld be embarrassing. Here I am, 6'2", at 215 all of it thick corded muscle, and I got a wife at home that cheated on me. I felt destroyed! 

So I think we draw more BH than BW because BW look for support everyway. 
BH look for support online, because they don't want everyone to know their problem. Because let's face it, it is embarrassing.


----------



## meson (May 19, 2011)

That might mean something IFF TAM were a cross section of the population but it's not. It's pre-filtered with people that have problems that are seeking for help in a particular way. The CWI section is very welcoming to betrayed spouses in a style that suits men. So men stay. 

You wouldn't go to a gay bar and expect a poll to represent the whole population. Likewise TAM is filled with a very filtered set of people from which drawing statistical conclusions is suspect.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Actually i think it's just about support available. Women usually have more of it. Men don't like to confess to people they know that their wives cheat. Specially if they are inclined to go for an R. I don't believe there is a big difference in numbers of cheater per gender.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> It has to be somewhere close to the percentage of men vs. women. I mean, I don't think there are that many more of either sex that cheat. I think the difference in the total amount for each sex would reflect the difference in the population.
> 
> Don't know if I said that right. Oh well...


It's the 80-20 rule. 100% of the women who are playing, will go for the same 20% of males of top SMV. So let's say you've got a group of 100 men and 100 women who are open to committing adultery. 20 of those men will share 80 of the women. The bottom 20 women that the top 10 men won't touch, will have their pick of the bottom 80 men. So a lot of men who have ads on the cheating sites won't get any action,even though they're willing.


----------



## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Check loveshack, where men cheat 3 times as much as women.

But according to real polls (Not just forum demographics) its 50% women 60% men.

http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationships/percentage-of-married-couples-who-cheat-on-each-ot.html


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Maybe women are just three times less likely to want their cheating husbands back so they don't look for advice.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Perfect example of how so-called 'statistics' can be skewed to say whatever we want them to say.

All I know is that 100% of those of us who are cheated on are also married to cheaters. And that it sucks, big time.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Studies seem to indicate it's pretty neck-and-neck. 

I suspect that men turn to online sites where they can remain anonymous while women turn to people they know more often, so it would be disproportionate on a site like this.


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

This forum is solution oriented. The advice is great if you're looking to get out of limbo ASAP. There's no candy-coating. This attracts many betrayed men, but it seems to be a little much for the average newly betrayed woman. There's another forum I frequent that is support oriented. There's a lot of "you can do this!" and a hell of a lot less "sh*t or get off the pot!" That forum is filled with so many women you'd think men were always the unfaithful ones. IMO, the number you're seeing is due to the type of support given at TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Other fun facts we can ascertain from this forum:

1. 99% of marriages suck A$$.
2. 50% of married men have low sex drives and the women have to initiate and bug their husbands for sex
3. Most people should be on the Jerry Springer show.
4. 100% of females have vaginal orgasms from sex.
5. I'm F*cking awesome.

Only one of those is probably accurate in real life.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

kipani said:


> Check loveshack, where men cheat 3 times as much as women.
> 
> But according to real polls (Not just forum demographics) its 50% women 60% men.
> 
> Percentage Of Married Couples Who Cheat


I agree with this post. 

The rate of woman cheating has risen dramatically in all age groups. 

But particularly among women in their 30s. 

Some of these women, according to OW sites, see cheating with an older married man as a way to get the money and attention their similar aged spouses can not yet give them. 

Many mid life crisis men are set in their career with more disposable income and have risen to levels in their jobs that provide more free time, and/or make it easy for them to get away for long lunch time trysts. 

The women in the 30s often have a slew of kids but are bored and feel their husbands don't earn enough or pay them enough attention

....never mind like the OW in my case, her husband was busting his butt at work to keep her living in style and four kids in upscale private schools. These women feel neglected and entitled. 

Also shows like sex in the city and others make it seem trendy to cheat with a married man. 

Also, there is no present social taboo against cheating for young women, it's applauded among themselves and they even gossip about their affair partners to each other. 

For a women with kids in her thirties getting an older man to cheat on his wife is just as big a conquest as is the mid life crisis guy getting attention from a young women. It feeds their egos.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Maybe women are just three times less likely to want their cheating husbands back so they don't look for advice.


That is true, too. 

75 percent of the time, it is the women who files for divorce.


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> It's the 80-20 rule. 100% of the women who are playing, will go for the same 20% of males of top SMV. So let's say you've got a group of 100 men and 100 women who are open to committing adultery. 20 of those men will share 80 of the women. The bottom 20 women that the top 20 men won't touch, will have their pick of the bottom 80 men. So a lot of men who have ads on the cheating sites won't get any action,even though they're willing.


This theory also explains why women love dating men who cheat. The top 20 men can sleep with the top 80 women, so that's a nice ratio of 4 women per man. With odds like that, of course he's going to cheat. Then that 80% group of women complains that every boyfriend cheats on them.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> It's the 80-20 rule. 100% of the women who are playing, will go for the same 20% of males of top SMV. So let's say you've got a group of 100 men and 100 women who are open to committing adultery. 20 of those men will share 80 of the women. The bottom 20 women that the top 10 men won't touch, will have their pick of the bottom 80 men. So a lot of men who have ads on the cheating sites won't get any action,even though they're willing.


Machi:

Those stats are outdated...... like from the 50s. 

Most women prefer to be swept off their feet into an affair. Or, at least want to think they cheated because they were swept off their feet by a manipulative man.

Thus they are less likely to go looking for it at a cheaters site. 

Also according to Machiavellian concepts a good machiavellian personality is good at reading people and we all know women excel at that. 

google it. 

Women read body language and micro expressions far better than men and are good a targeting men ripe for cheating. 

They, also in true machiavellian fashion, cheating women flatter the man's ego and thus understand a man's needs and gain their trust that way. 

For example, the OW told my spouse, he was perfect, and she was always flattering him in the most obviously INSINCERE ways. But men eat that stuff up.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

ShawnD said:


> With odds like that, of course he's going to cheat. Then that 80% group of women complains that every boyfriend cheats on them.


Men tend to brag about cheating. 

Most women are somewhat embarrassed by being a cheater, and may be shunned if it was known they were cheaters among normal social circles.

Also, women get caught less often because they are better at hiding their cheating, mainly because they do not need to spend marital funds on the affair....men do. 

And don't forget women read people better than do men. So, a wife is better at noticing that a man is acting odd when in an affair.


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> And don't forget women read people better than do men. So, a wife is better at noticing that a man is acting odd when in an affair.


I disagree with this because I find that at least 90% of the entire population is completely retarded and can't read people. I would be richer than Bill Gates if I got a nickel every time someone kept talking at me when I'm clearly not listening. If someone can't even tell if I'm listening, I doubt they would notice if I cheated or if I had a dead body in my trunk.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

ShawnD said:


> I disagree with this because I find that at least 90% of the entire population is completely retarded and can't read people. I would be richer than Bill Gates if I got a nickel every time someone kept talking at me when I'm clearly not listening. If someone can't even tell if I'm listening, I doubt they would notice if I cheated or if I had a dead body in my trunk.


I am not sure if you are talking about women or men. I don't think 90 percent of the population is retarded. And, I always err on the side of assuming someone is more intelligent than I may think. It's a courtesy of giving benefit of doubt.

But if it's women, they may continue talking not because they can't read you but because they are self absorbed. They feel like talking and so they talk whether even if you told them firmly you don't want to listen. 

The other possibility is that you haven't told them firmly and even though they may feel you don't want them to talk, YOU are giving mixed signals. 

For example a mixed signal would be asking a question or continuing the conversation is some fashion. 

A firm signal would be outright saying I would prefer you don't talk to me, or simply not responding to them, or simply walking away. 

If a person is hiding their true nature, it's difficult to get an accurate read on them.

Edited to add:

I picked up all the signals of my husband's affair. I attribute his odd behaviors to stress at work. 

I now know they were red flags for an affair. Live and learn, at least going forward.


----------



## Desperate_Housewife (Oct 15, 2012)

COguy said:


> Other fun facts we can ascertain from this forum:
> 
> 1. 99% of marriages suck A$$.
> 2. 50% of married men have low sex drives and the women have to initiate and bug their husbands for sex
> ...


:rofl:


----------



## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

If women do cheat more than men, I think it because alot of women fall prey to the BS motives of the OM.

How many times have you read on here:

"He made me feel beautifull"
"He listens to me"
"We are like soul mates"
"We could talk about anything"
"He made me feel desired"
"He paid attention to me"
etc.....

What "he" did was evaluate what you felt you needed and provided it his attempt to get into your pants.

I think as a man the greatest defense you can have of your marriage is to make sure your wife isn't neglected in any of the above which in some cases is tough because alot of women don't express that they feel neglected.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Machi:
> 
> Those stats are outdated...... like from the 50s.
> 
> ...


What statistics are from the 50's? I'm just explaining how the 80-20 rule works and how that might apply in a society where cheating was quickly becoming a societal norm.


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Well, I am going to say it:

Women may be smarter at hiding their affair because they are ashamed of it, but they are also stupid about their affair. 

They think "Oh, we will run off somewhere, and be a happy couple, and he is my prince charming, and we'll live life like a royal couple....."

And how many times does that happen? 
Like, .01% of the time? 

When men cheat, (and I am assuming because I haven't cheated) we are just thinking "Holy crap! Hot sex with someone that is not our wife!" 
So when told to stop it, we are more successful at it. Because do we entertain fantasies of running off with the person? Maybe, but do we expect them to actually happen? No. They are dreams. 

Also, someone said men are more likely to spend money on the affair. 
Well, why is that? I would imagine part of it might be because most men earn the money in the marriage. I know there are exceptions, but I bet at least 75%+ of marriages have a working husband. Because being a stay-at-home dad, while it is more socially acceptable, not appealing to very many men. 

Also, when dating, who paid? The man most likely. (My wife picked up her cost on our first few dates since she asked me out, so I guess I am kinda an exception here, but it did get to the point where I was paying) Because ladies, how many dates have you paid for in your dating life? 
So the OM has to wine and dine the wife. The OW has to be wined and dined by the WH. 

So of course a WH is easier to catch. He has to spend money and time to get the OW warmed up to having sex (unless it is a ONS). It is just like dating (Making some assumptions again here, maybe a WH could correct me) 
A WW has an easier time. She just has to go out, have dinner, get in bed, then race home to hubby. No money spent, no time trying to get the OM to open up and be comfortable. So she doesn't have to put in a large money or time commitment


----------



## barcafan (Jul 25, 2012)

You can't generalize statistics obtained from this website or any website as a matter of fact to the entire population. Contrary to what most people would think, the visitor's of this website are not considered a random sample for statistical purposes. There is a lot of bias involved. Same reason why online poles are absolutely worthless. 

One thing to consider is that women have many forms of social support whereas most men, including myself, would not have many people to turn to when something as tragic as an affair happens so it would be natural for someone like me to seek support on the internet. I think this is one of the biggest reasons that there seems to be such a significant difference between infidelity rates among the sexes on this website.

I didn't read the previous replies so my apologies if this post seems redundant.


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

so much denial

people just can never admit when their assumptions are wrong. So badly do they want to be the devil's advocate.


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

ShawnD said:


> This theory also explains why women love dating men who cheat. The top 20 men can sleep with the top 80 women, so that's a nice ratio of 4 women per man. With odds like that, of course he's going to cheat. Then that 80% group of women complains that every boyfriend cheats on them.



does not exist. top 20 male etc (imo)


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Maybe women are just three times less likely to want their cheating husbands back so they don't look for advice.


exactly also women have more support systems elsewhere. For men i do not think they would prefer to talk about it anywhere other than a internet forum. 

And yes as someone stated women file for divorce 3/4 of the time and the vast majority of the time they file for divorce is because of abuse or they are being cheated on. 

its a misconception that there are lots of wives who leave a husband for another man and file for divorce. While this occurs its exceptionally rare. Most women who file for divorce are at their wits ends and end up in poverty or struggling. Men file for divorce quickly and are less forgiving of infidelity than women are. Also men usually file for divorce either cause they got cheated on or they are cheating on their wife and want to drop divorce papers and marry another woman and drop the papers before the wife can expose his affair.



KathyBatesel said:


> Studies seem to indicate it's pretty neck-and-neck.
> 
> I suspect that men turn to online sites where they can remain anonymous while women turn to people they know more often, so it would be disproportionate on a site like this.


i do not believe this to be true

only among-st lower income groups do i believe that to be true.



Sara8 said:


> I agree with this post.
> 
> The rate of woman cheating has risen dramatically in all age groups.
> 
> ...


men who marry ****s get what they get

women who marry man *****s get what they get

nobody to blame but themselves for making that decision. Its sad but true

i see it all the time you can only blame sex and the city so much for the failure that is most people and their inability to care for another.



Sara8 said:


> Machi:
> 
> Those stats are outdated...... like from the 50s.
> 
> ...


would you prefer other stats? i got some but people might hate them because they go against the notion that women cheat neck and neck with men.


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

kipani said:


> Check loveshack, where men cheat 3 times as much as women.
> 
> But according to real polls (Not just forum demographics) its 50% women 60% men.
> 
> Percentage Of Married Couples Who Cheat


Yes this is true, but that is a figure that is calculated over a period of time, so over a life time. That doesn't mean they cheat in every relationship. Many people cheat young and learn, and some are opportunists, who never stop repeating the pattern.

It is estimated that around 5% of people in marriages are cheating right now.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> What statistics are from the 50's? I'm just explaining how the 80-20 rule works and how that might apply in a society where cheating was quickly becoming a societal norm.


Machi:

I know you consider some of the books you read to be the be all and end all and definitive authoritative voice on the topic, but the 80/20 rule is really outdated. 

I think it's a disservice for a man to take advice on how to deal with women from another man.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Paulination said:


> If women do cheat more than men, I think it because alot of women fall prey to the BS motives of the OM.
> 
> How many times have you read on here:
> 
> ...


Good points and post. 

Still, I think this false neglect claim applies to both men and women. 

Men also cheat for ego strokes, as do women. 

People who cheat always claim their spouse neglected them. It's a convenient excuse and usually implies they have unrealistic expectations of a good relationship. 

My STBEH said he was flatterred by the OW's phony compliments and attentions, and now knows they were unreal because she surely neglected her own faithful spouse. 

I hear this ego kibbles claim again and again from cheaters. 

Cheaters also go out of their way to seek ego validation from members of the opposite sex and that is why such people are at risk for reoffending. 

My STBEH also claimed he felt neglected because I was reading my poetry at poetry slams....he was always invited, but wasn't interested, as well as taking classes at a local college. 

He spent plenty of time away from me, but I did not feel neglected. I am okay with my own company. I do now feel neglected after learning he was giving his attentions to the OW.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the newest studies out there indicate that women cheat far more than men!


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Juicer said:


> Well, I am going to say it:
> 
> Women may be smarter at hiding their affair because they are ashamed of it, but they are also stupid about their affair.
> 
> ...


I agree, totally. 

And, that is why I think more women than men cheat, but they just don't admit it.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> the newest studies out there indicate that women cheat far more than men!


Based on the gossip from women at the health club I would say that is accurate. 

I think a lot of men convince themselves that their wife would never cheat because their egos are a bit large. 

The OW's spouse, at first did not believe his wifed was cheating on him. 

He mentioned that she did not even like sex. 

Well, obviously she liked sex, but not with him.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Well based on download statistics about that new Cheat app

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58343-cheat-app.html

It's 70% women to 30% men.....


----------



## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Well based on download statistics about that new Cheat app
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58343-cheat-app.html
> 
> It's 70% women to 30% men.....


Another reason I'm not getting married.. A f**kin cheat app FFS! REALLY?


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> What statistics are from the 50's? I'm just explaining how the 80-20 rule works and how that might apply in a society where cheating was quickly becoming a societal norm.


As usual - your first post says its 'its the 80/20 rule' like it is some sort of definitive, generally accepted fact. Now you say, rather, 'might apply' in some fantasy societal norm.

TAM is ripe with misinformation.

Kinsey reports nearly 25% of men cheat sometime during their marriage - perhaps 15% of women. Overall for both sexes - anyone that has been married or cohabitated? about 11%.

The Kinsey Institute - Sexuality Information Links - FAQ [Related Resources]

As for the 80/20 'rule'... that is (without my bothering to check it out) I suspect, is just storytelling as seen through the distorted lens of a certain group of acolytes that seem to collect in the infidelity forum and lack-of-sex-threads like ants around piece of candy.

Oh Boy! How Awesome! 
How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need | Girls Chase


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Well based on download statistics about that new Cheat app
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58343-cheat-app.html
> 
> It's 70% women to 30% men.....


That would be consistent with my non-scientific personal observations of willingness based on body language. I'm taking my kids to a school function tonight and I have no doubt that I will see that same 70/30 ratio of willingness communicated in the body language of the other parents there. I don't really know how often willingness translates into what we're calling "cheating" but I really don't see much barrier to emotional infidelity since a lot of people don't even think it's a problem (like everyone doing it)


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> That would be consistent with my non-scientific personal observations of willingness based on body language. I'm taking my kids to a school function tonight and I have no doubt that I will see that same 70/30 ratio of willingness communicated in the body language of the other parents there. I don't really know how often willingness translates into what we're calling "cheating" but I really don't see much barrier to emotional infidelity since a lot of people don't even think it's a problem (like everyone doing it)


Operative words: 'non-scientific personal observations'.

Maybe you just live in a crappy area if, as you say, 'a lot of people don't even think its a problem.' Or... if that is what you believe you see anyway. The 'truth' is in the eye of the beholder I suppose.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

anotherguy said:


> Maybe you just live in a crappy area if, as you say, 'a lot of people don't even think its a problem.' Or... if that is what you believe you see anyway. The 'truth' is in the eye of the beholder I suppose.


That may be, I only know where I live so I can't comment on anyplace else. I think there may be a generational influence since we live in an area that is almost all young or at least new families.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Machi:
> 
> I know you consider some of the books you read to be the be all and end all and definitive authoritative voice on the topic, but the 80/20 rule is really outdated.


The Pareto Principle is as valid now as it has ever been. I think it's particularly valid in a discussion of sexual attraction and sexual behavior. The only caveat I would put on it is that in this particular discussion, the reality is more like 90-10.



Sara8 said:


> I think it's a disservice for a man to take advice on how to deal with women from another man.


I don't ask a fish about what bait I should use to catch it, I ask the man with the full basket.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> As usual - your first post says its 'its the 80/20 rule' like it is some sort of definitive, generally accepted fact. Now you say, rather, 'might apply' in some fantasy societal norm.
> 
> TAM is ripe with misinformation.
> 
> ...


Anyone still citing Alfred Kinsey's stats, which would be outdated if they hadn't already been debunked as some of most fraudulent social science of the last century, just isn't keeping current.

And you've never heard of the Pareto Principle, either?


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> What statistics are from the 50's? I'm just explaining how the 80-20 rule works and how that might apply in a society where cheating was quickly becoming a societal norm.


I wouldn't be surprised if it was always a societal norm. Men working late? Women going to the "beauty parlor" every day? Yeah sure. That joke about sleeping with the milk man is probably loosely based on reality. You're home alone all day, all of the house work is done, there's nothing on TV, the milk man looks like he has been working out....



> Another reason I'm not getting married.. A f**kin cheat app FFS! REALLY?


This gives me an idea for an app - how to get away with murder. It would obviously be a joke, but it would contain lots of science facts that are organized by category. The chapter about hiding the body would say things like:
-bodies left to decay on land are easy to identify and date, and the smell will draw a lot of attention
-most dead bodies float in water
-bodies left in the desert will be perfectly preserved (ex: egyptian mummies)
-proteins and fats are easily destroyed by strong bases, such as degreaser
-DNA can be destroyed by strong bases, such as degreaser
-human bones easily dissolve in strong acid, such as muriatic acid from a hardware store
-epsom salt (magnesium sulfate) and muriatic acid (hydrochloric acid) can be mixed together to create sulfuric acid
-decayed bodies are often identified by their teeth, so remove all of the teeth
-rotting bodies smell bad because of bacteria; these bacteria can be stopped by freezing or covering the body with salt


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Doesn't matter which gender is cheating more, didn't matter when it was presumed to be men, won't matter if it turns out to be women.

Infidelity will remain a possible outcome for as long as men and women continue to pair up and get down ...

The 'statistic' conversations seldom lead positive.


----------

