# Husband's gay friend



## LBurnsbright (Apr 17, 2012)

My husband has a gay friend that he works with. This guy has his own gay friends he hangs out with but he spends a lot of time with all the straight guys at work including my husband. 
They're a group of about 10 of them and they like to hang out on weekends and ride dirt bikes and camp out. They all tease him and crack gay jokes all in fun. 
They love bringing him along because he's the only one that can cook and he cooks them really delicious meals!
One time when my husband came home from a camping trip he mentioned that this gay guy made a delicious pasta salad, he said it was the best one he ever had. Then a few days later my husband got home from work with a tupperwear container with this pasta salad and said his friend made him some. The other guys ask him for certain things but he will only make them for my husband. 
Many, many other times when we've been out together with him if we are all sitting at a table eating, this guy will get up and get my husband a drink or a napkin, he totally caters to him and him only. I've felt awkward at times when my husband has needed something and he jumps up and gets it before i do. All the guys laugh and tease that this guy is in love with my husband. could it be that he is?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it could be unrequited love I suppose, but it smacks more of toadyism to me


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Sounds like it your husband inst a mailman is he just kidding


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Sounds like your husband's gay friend has a "man crush" on your husband. Are you sure your husband isn't bi? :scratchhead:



Nothing wrong with having gay friends, but ONE gay in a crowd of (supposedly) straight men seems very odd to me.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Tell your H not to drop the soap.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Sure, he could be. If you're confident that your H is in no way planning to cheat and that his friend won't try to break up your M, I'd let it go. I don't agree that one gay man in a group of straights is odd, either. I know a couple different groups of guys where this is the case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> Sure, he could be. If you're confident that your H is in no way planning to cheat and that his friend won't try to break up your M, I'd let it go. I don't agree that one gay man in a group of straights is odd, either. I know a couple different groups of guys where this is the case.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


TWO gay men hanging with straight men is not so out of the ordinary, but ONE.......... :scratchhead:

Unless they've been friends for a long time, then it makes more sense.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

This sounds like some mess is about to brew before too long with all this camping, cooking and over nighting.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

shaylady said:


> This sounds like some mess is about to brew before too long with all this camping, cooking and over nighting.


........and doting over the OP's husband!


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

southern wife said:


> TWO gay men hanging with straight men is not so out of the ordinary, but ONE.......... :scratchhead:
> 
> Unless they've been friends for a long time, then it makes more sense.


I don't understand why you think this way, really. Gay men have interests beyond their love life. Naturally it results in different groups of friends where there's not always another gay man around. There's nothing odd about it at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> I don't understand why you think this way, really. Gay men have interests beyond their love life. Naturally it results in different groups of friends where there's not always another gay man around. There's nothing odd about it at all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, but I know alot of gay people and they usually like to hang with their own...............at least ONE. JMO!!


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

My husbands friend from university is gay. At first I thought it was a crush but it isnt. He is just a really nice man who happens to have a straight man as a friend. I think if your husband is not happy with things, he needs to tell him but if he is okay it doesnt sound weird to me. It sounds like he is the only gay man at work and wants to hang out with other workers. Yes? I dont see anything wrong with that. Again if your husband feels this is weird then he needs to say something but I wouldnt worry so much about it. Hope this helps.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

southern wife said:


> Sorry, but I know alot of gay people and they usually like to hang with their own...............at least ONE. JMO!!


Fair enough. That's not my experience. Perhaps this behavior is regional? 

Moving on...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

shaylady said:


> This sounds like some mess is about to brew before too long with all this camping, cooking and over nighting.


Actually, not necessarily. My husband's best friend is gay. They used to spend up to a week at a time sailing on the Chesapeake Bay. This guy was gay, but he was staying waaayyyy in the closet, because his parents (devout Catholics) are still alive.

It was one of those don't-ask-don't-tell situations. Hey, if the bf's family wanted to be in denial of the obvious, fine with me. As for my husband; TOTALLY heterosexual.

I asked my gay cousin about this situation. He told me he has a number of straight men as friends, and it is nothing more. He loves them like brothers, but he isn't going to hit on them; it would be an offense to him and his friends.

Your husband's gay friend may just really like him. A crush? Possible, but not probable. If your husband isn't doing anything weird, I wouldn't worry.

Like I said, my husband lived in close quarters on a sailboat with his best friend. NOTHING ever happened. Do I have any doubts? Nope. Hubs was/is a drunk, but he doesn't swing both ways.


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## MominMayberry (Mar 27, 2012)

WhereAmI said:


> I don't understand why you think this way, really. Gay men have interests beyond their love life. Naturally it results in different groups of friends where there's not always another gay man around. There's nothing odd about it at all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this. All people have interests and sex orientation doesnt matter. It sounds like he is trying to fit in with his non gay other workers. This makes sense and he would be dumb to let his sex preference block him from hanging out with the other guys. He should be treated the same.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

"All the guys laugh and tease that this guy is in love with my husband. could it be that he is?"

Sure it COULD be that he's in love with your husband, or infatuated with your husband, or has a crush on your husband. So what? Or it COULD be that he's not interested in your husband.

Do you have ANY reason to think that your husband is anything other than 100% hetero?

A.) If yes, THEN it's time to worry.

B.) If no, then what's the big deal? Seriously, there are only 2 ways it can go (no pun intended):
* gay friend never says anything because he knows hubby is 100% not interested
* gay friend hits on husband and husband deals with situation however HE sees fit because he's 100% not interested

I think you're making yourself a TEENSY bit nuts over nothing...unless your answer was A.)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Nothing wrong with having gay friends, but ONE gay in a crowd of (supposedly) straight men seems very odd to me.


why?

Not like being gay is all that common in the population, it's about the same percentage as being Jewish

would you think it odd if I had one Jewish friend hanging out with a bunch of *****?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Woah... Okay... would y'all say the exact opposite if it was a wife with a lesbian friend???

I mean ... seriously.... Replace that friend with a lesbian female, that happens to hang out with that group, because she likes fishing/hunting... or whatever they are doing on their camping trips. Now put that same female "friend" in the place at the restaurant.... Jumping up & getting the drinks, napkins, baking special just for the hubby? Would this raise red flags??

To me it would. To me, if this best friend was a gay male, or a straight female... it makes no difference. If it's unacceptable affection being shown stronger to the husband, than to the other friends in the group... it should be frowned upon & stopped by your husband. Affection being openly shown, whether from female or male friend from someone other than his wife.... to me would raise at LEAST a yellow flag. Not checkered!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you changed the hypothetical situation to a lesbian, my answer would remain the same. 

If, IN FACT, she IS a LESBIAN, she's not going to 'change teams' (I hope that is not disrespectful to anyone here that is gay/bi...I don't mean it to be) just because she met OP's husband!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

MominMayberry said:


> I agree with this. All people have interests and sex orientation doesnt matter. It sounds like he is trying to fit in with his non gay other workers. This makes sense and he would be dumb to let his sex preference block him from hanging out with the other guys. He should be treated the same.


:iagree:

Yes he should be treated the same, but he's not treating others the same, just doting over the OP's husband!!!!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> Woah... Okay... would y'all say the exact opposite if it was a wife with a lesbian friend???
> 
> I mean ... seriously.... Replace that friend with a lesbian female, that happens to hang out with that group, because she likes fishing/hunting... or whatever they are doing on their camping trips. Now put that same female "friend" in the place at the restaurant.... Jumping up & getting the drinks, napkins, baking special just for the hubby? Would this raise red flags??
> 
> To me it would.


Yep, to me it would, too!



I never intended that gays and straights can't hang together and do not have similiar interests; only that this particular one was acting like a wife in a restaurant to the OP's husband!


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## LBurnsbright (Apr 17, 2012)

I'm not worried about my husband being gay or bi at all. What bugs me is the special attention and catering to only him.
For example, we all went on a trip recently and he rode with us.
Before we left i saw his backpack in the back seat but i asked him if he could sit in the front because i was really tired and didnt want to fall asleep on my husband who was driving.
It was all fine but then on the day were packing up getting ready to return home I told my husband out loud (to make sure this guy heard me) "I'm all rested up this time so i'll sit up front with you". A few minutes later I went to put my bag in the front seat and his backpack was there. I got his backpack and put it in the back seat. As we were all getting in the car I watched his reflection and as he looks in the back seat at his backpack he turns and gives me the dirtiest look ever! We stopped at a store to buy some waters and juices for the road and my husband asks me to get him his juice that he likes. His friend and i walked into the store together and split up. We met up at the register and guess whats in his hand? I asked "oh you like that juice too?" He says "no, its for him". I was totally annoyd and i said "I got one already okay?" and he went to put it back.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

LBurnsbright said:


> I'm not worried about my husband being gay or bi at all. What bugs me is the special attention and catering to only him.
> For example, we all went on a trip recently and he rode with us.
> Before we left i saw his backpack in the back seat but i asked him if he could sit in the front because i was really tired and didnt want to fall asleep on my husband who was driving.
> It was all fine but then on the day were packing up getting ready to return home I told my husband out loud (to make sure this guy heard me) "I'm all rested up this time so i'll sit up front with you". A few minutes later I went to put my bag in the front seat and his backpack was there. I got his backpack and put it in the back seat. As we were all getting in the car I watched his reflection and as he looks in the back seat at his backpack he turns and gives me the dirtiest look ever! We stopped at a store to buy some waters and juices for the road and my husband asks me to get him his juice that he likes. His friend and i walked into the store together and split up. We met up at the register and guess whats in his hand? I asked "oh you like that juice too?" He says "no, its for him". I was totally annoyd and i said "I got one already okay?" and he went to put it back.




Ummmmmmmmmmm yeah, this guy is trying to "win over" your husband. 

He needs to go find someone that's gay to cater to; not someone that's MARRIED to a WOMAN!


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

LBurnsbright said:


> I'm not worried about my husband being gay or bi at all. What bugs me is the special attention and catering to only him...



From everything you describe, he sounds like a possessive mistress in love. 

Why is he taking trips and "third wheeling" with you guys so much? I would put an end to the dirty looks and attentive catering before the gay friend becomes a wedge between you and your husband.


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## LBurnsbright (Apr 17, 2012)

Well I just got my answer! My husband just confirmed that I was NOT overreacting and that for the past week the "friend" has been behaving very clingy. My husband and his co-workers work for the same company but at different sites around the same area so they all have to communicate and see each other throughout the day. He said that he has gone to the site where the friend works to pick up some paperwork but has purposely not stayed to chat. He said he has called him every day since last Monday right after he left the site to ask why he didn't stop in to say hello, (this is not like him). My husband (trying to maintain a casual attitude) has been telling him that he's just been busy and hasnt been able to stick around. He told me he was sorry and that I had been right all along. He said he's also starting to remember so many details that are just now making sense to him. He's still being cool with the guy and we had a good laugh but we both think he may act out in desperation. He wont do anything crazy but I think this guy may pour his heart out and confess. My husband is not looking forward to this! Thank you all so much! I'll keep you posted.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Well.. at least from your post... it sounds like your husband has a healthy view(finally) and attitude about it. As long as he (hubs) is being open with you, then I'd say he can probably handle "putting down" his friend nicely without getting the guy embarrassed. 

I could see maybe a desperation, after they guy has been trying to show your husband how great he is, but probably, he will get the message that your husband is not going to accept a "special" friendship with him. He will realize that your hubby is devoted to you & the other guy will change his tune & find someone else to fixate one.


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