# I need opinions, please? Men, opinions? All welcome!



## Mothergoddessmoon (Jul 7, 2015)

My DH and I got into an argument about feelings. I told him I felt we need to express our feelings being back together and it being a big part of why we split in the first place. He proceeded to tell me that "his feelings are his feelings and married or not he does not have to share unless he wants to". I will say he has been sharing his feelings more but usually only when I piss him off. Feels to me he's hiding something but that could be just the past creeping in my head. The reason for the fight is he says I pry to understand his feelings and he's not allowed to be his own person. Is he right? Am I totally in the wrong here? 

A little background... We had been separated for 4 yrs and with being separated he started a relationship with a childhood crush which ended up in another child. He left to come home after child turned 2, to fix our marriage and bc he said he didn't want to lose me or our 4 kids. A part of me knows he still "loves" this friend. He also said it was nothing more than a crush n rush. I just want him to be open with me but he is still so guarded. We split bc he reconnected with said friend and feelings came back and he and I didn't get along very well, as well as sex life gone after all the kids.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I do not like the sound of your husband, he dumps you goes off and fathers another child then you take him back with open arms after 4 years. Why haven't you just moved on without him? Why are you taking him back now? You are only creating a bigger mess as he will probably stay satisfied for a while and then go back to her and have both his cake and eat it. He should be crawling on his knees begging you to take him back and be an open book when you talk to him. Men who are like this are not to be trusted. Please be careful


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You split because you fight and don't have a sex life. What has changed?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?
How long have your been married?
How old are your children?


You are right that to fix this mess the two of you need to talk about your feelings, needs, etc.

It sounds like he wants to sweep things under the rug.

I also am curious as to why you had not moved on after 4 years. Not sure why you took him back either.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?
> How long have your been married?
> How old are your children?
> 
> ...



yeah, your hanging around for 4 years -- if it's true-- signals to him that you can't do any better. When someone thinks that way about their partner, it doesn't get better.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Mothergoddessmoon said:


> A little background... We had been separated for 4 yrs and with being separated he started a relationship with a childhood crush which ended up in another child. He left to come home after child turned 2, to fix our marriage and bc he said he didn't want to lose me or our 4 kids.


...And I thought I had a hard battle in reconciliation.  Forgiveness is so hard! It's hard to forgive and clean the slate in preparation for a second chance. You were under no obligation to take him back, especially considering he had a child with another woman and you were apart for 4 years! The least he can do is open up about his feelings when you ask him to!


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Also, I have to add: He left this "new woman and new child" as soon as it got a little old for him, and started to have rosy memories of you and your children, so he came back.

When you get a little old for him, what's to stop him from going back to the other woman and child?

Watch his actions very, very carefully. Re-evaluate your marriage every 3 to 6 months. Do not tolerate cake-eating.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Mothergoddessmoon said:


> My DH and I got into an argument about feelings. I told him I felt we need to express our feelings being back together and it being a big part of why we split in the first place. He proceeded to tell me that "his feelings are his feelings and married or not he does not have to share unless he wants to". I will say he has been sharing his feelings more but usually only when I piss him off. Feels to me he's hiding something but that could be just the past creeping in my head. The reason for the fight is he says I pry to understand his feelings and he's not allowed to be his own person. Is he right? Am I totally in the wrong here?
> 
> A little background... We had been separated for 4 yrs and with being separated he started a relationship with a childhood crush which ended up in another child. He left to come home after child turned 2, to fix our marriage and bc he said he didn't want to lose me or our 4 kids. A part of me knows he still "loves" this friend. He also said it was nothing more than a crush n rush. I just want him to be open with me but he is still so guarded. We split bc he reconnected with said friend and feelings came back and he and I didn't get along very well, as well as sex life gone after all the kids.


How much child support was he paying you? How much will he be paying the childhood crush?

I wouldn't trust this guy. He might have decided to come back to you to save a few dollars.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

No one can be forced to do anything.

We are endowed with free will, right?

We don't have to share our feelings. Unless we want a real marriage.


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