# A Survival Guide When Building a Better Body?



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Thought I'd shift gears a bit and try a more proactive thread. I made a lifestyle change by improving my diet, weight training and doing cardio regularly. I'm down about 50 lbs from my starting weight and I'm going for more. I'm looking a good bit better and my confidence is going up. While the new me has made my marriage only better from an intimacy standpoint as well as in other areas (we exercise more together, more date nights, etc), I have also noticed that my eye does wander more than it used to when I was heavier and not so active. I have never been good at interpreting signals from the opposite sex, so I have no idea if more women are checking me out now than before. But I do find that it's a good bit easier to get a smile from a woman now and to engage in nice conversations with women when I'm traveling for work. 

Neither my wife nor I have ever cheated on each other nor ever prior to us meeting. And I have no intention to seek out women with the intention to cheat. But at the same time, I do feel some of those temptations and when there is a pretty woman who is talking to me, I cannot help but sometimes wonder if I could get into another woman's pants because of my improved body and confidence. As much as I'd love to say that I'd never ever ever cheat, you never know 100% if you may be struck with that moment of weakness due to a series of events that weakens your willpower.

So my question to the group: For those of you who may have or are improving their health and looks thru diet and exercise, how do you effectively cope with the inevitable situations where you get your ego stroked because people who wouldn't normally give you a second glance start to notice you more and/or you find out that you can engage in small talk more easily with people whenever you are out traveling.

To help myself so far, I keep these thoughts in my head:

I never want to hurt my wife or children by my actions.
I don't want to lose my family by cheating.
I don't want to get an STD and infect my wife.
I don't want to end up with a surprise child with someone else
I don't want to have a BH coming after me if I was caught in an affair with a married woman.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I started building 2 things just over 5 year ago.

My body.

My Code of Conduct.

Will women pay attention to you if you look good and are even minimally charming? Yes they will.

There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself, and the attention that feeling good about yourself invariably draws from others.

Can you be gracious and flirtatious? Sure you can. No harm.

But odds are, you know when you are crossing the line. Your conscience will sound that alarm. It is at that point up to you to disarm the situation, or your thoughts about the situation, to comply with your self defined code of conduct.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I agree that there is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself provided that you are not crossing those boundaries. It's funny that when it's not happening to you, you can see the situation clearly. But when you start experience some of these feelings yourself, it kinda surprises you a little. 

I don't go out to bars at night when I travel, and I'm sure that normally is where the biggest temptations would lie. 

If you let it, those discussions about sex rank and getting those ego boosts can mess with your head if you aren't careful.


----------



## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

For pure fat loss im in the triple digit club for lbs. I've changed my body composition quite a bit. Weight lifting helps immensely. I'm not "done". I'll never be. but the process is the reward. 

So I know where you're at. Recently I think a woman was actually checking me out. 

I thought at first "nah, no way, not me." But there's probably some truth that she did because I don't ever remember thinking that before, in my life. 

I've had women flirt with me, or at least that I thought they did. But never did I think "she's checking me out". It was an entirely different feeling. Quite nice. 

I also have noticed woman seem more chatty with me. And in turn, I do flirt. 

There is a certain pull to go for it. 

So why don't i, why didn't i? 

My wife cheated on me. So being loyal isn't a concern. (we're not really in R anyway) Mine are more logical. 

Risk of pregnancy. 
Still living with FWW. 
STD risk.

These are the same reasons that caused me to turn down many opportunities before I met FWW. I was a virgin till I met her. 

So single, married, or in transition i'm not a dog. 

I was also always scared that if I dipped into the deep end of the pool i'd really like the water. I believe once I went down that road i'd never turn away. 

Even when I was more overweight I had tons of opportunities. I almost did it once or twice after DDay, but stopped short. 

I think these woman who threw themselves at me wanted an honest relationship, and I didn't want to tell them what they wanted to hear just to have sex.


----------



## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> To help myself so far, I keep these thoughts in my head:
> 
> I never want to hurt my wife or children by my actions.
> I don't want to lose my family by cheating.
> ...


Just say "no!" 

Really. Affairs are like a drug. They are very addictive to some. 

Some can end it, others start to fall in love under the influence of neurotransmitters and bonding hormones released during the honeymoon phase of the relationship. These people sometimes leave their long time spouses to feed this high. 

When it wears off, it's typically a real fast and deep crash into hell for those types. 

Don't do it. It's not worth the risk, if you love your wife. 

Take their compliments and move on, if you love your wife. 

If you don't love your wife. Ask her for a divorce.

In addition, even if you are the type who won't get addicted to the affair and can end it when they want, there is still the very real risk that your affair partner will remain addicted. 

Just say "no".........if you love your wife.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> how do you effectively cope with the inevitable situations where you get your ego stroked because people who wouldn't normally give you a second glance start to notice you more and/or you find out that you can engage in small talk more easily with people whenever you are out traveling.


I agree just say no and don't think about it. I think that it is all about your newfound confidence and has nothing to do with your body (except it has helped to boost your confidence). The statement you made says it all. These are people you have no background on, so you don't know they wouldn't give you a second glance before (but your self esteem tells you no). Some of the worst looking and most out of shape people I know have been able to pull dates with some very attractive people as it is all about the attitude they exuded.

Also when you have confidence, you tend to dress differently and carry yourself differently, so you get noticed more. I am more of a blend into the crowd sort of person, but when you have confidence, you stand out. Don't believe me, watch any new recruit fresh out of boot camp and see if they aren't a different person than before they joined.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Thought I'd shift gears a bit and try a more proactive thread. I made a lifestyle change by improving my diet, weight training and doing cardio regularly. I'm down about 50 lbs from my starting weight and I'm going for more. I'm looking a good bit better and my confidence is going up. While the new me has made my marriage only better from an intimacy standpoint as well as in other areas (we exercise more together, more date nights, etc), I have also noticed that my eye does wander more than it used to when I was heavier and not so active.


As men get fat, they produce more estrogen and less testosterone. Dropping the fat has caused your T levels to rise higher than they were in your fat years. On top of that, you're squatting and/or leg pressing and/or deadlifting, all of which have been shown to increase testosterone. Most people who lift, report getting better sleep. Guess what? More sleep equals more testosterone. Sexual desire begins and ends with testosterone (AKA "hormone of desire"). The T increase is causing almost everything in a skirt to ring your bell. Mother Nature is happy.



Plan 9 from OS said:


> I have never been good at interpreting signals from the opposite sex, so I have no idea if more women are checking me out now than before.


If you catch them looking directly act you, repeatedly cutting their peripheral vision your way, or looking act your body without raising their eyes to meet yours, they are checking you out.



Plan 9 from OS said:


> But I do find that it's a good bit easier to get a smile from a woman now and to engage in nice conversations with women when I'm traveling for work.


If they start the conversation and are not old enough to be your grandma, their willingness to converse with you is a indication of interest. Most of the time. Same with repeated touching, excessive lip licking displays, head tossing, and reaching around you so their boobs accidentally drag against your body. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> Neither my wife nor I have ever cheated on each other nor ever prior to us meeting. And I have no intention to seek out women with the intention to cheat. But at the same time, I do feel some of those temptations and when there is a pretty woman who is talking to me, I cannot help but sometimes wonder if I could get into another woman's pants because of my improved body and confidence.


If a woman you have not been introduced to is willing to converse with you, if she won't get it on with you, some other woman will. Keep getting your physique together and they will literally come sit in your lap to introduce themselves. Well, if you're under 32 they will. That was the last time that happened to me.



Plan 9 from OS said:


> As much as I'd love to say that I'd never ever ever cheat, you never know 100% if you may be struck with that moment of weakness due to a series of events that weakens your willpower.


That's why you have to get legalistic with yourself about allowing yourself to get into certain situations. I used to always play a game when I was single; even if I wasn't interested in a girl/woman, I would just carry on with her and see how far she would go on her own. I quit that game when I got married. Way too dangerous.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Plan 9....learn what it means to be self-validated, and those strokes to your ego will be completely meaningless.


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Well being a person who loves to workout, yoga, rock climbing and swimming I am in a lot better shape than I have ever been. I get looks, I get checked out, I get interested smiles and find that women like to talk to me more often or just look. You know what it is fun but that is it. They don't know me, most if they did would not accept me and my issues. I don't care about how pretty they are or how good in bed they might be. I get into women based on who they are there hearts and minds. Bodies change and tho hearts and minds can change at lest you have a better chance. My body is for me first off then second it is for a women who I like to enjoy. It is not for random women or random sex.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Thanks everyone for your comments so far. I know what I have and what I don't want to lose. Just wanted to hear from everyone to help keep me grounded.


----------



## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Focus

Think back to the moment you decided to change your life for the better, Plan... the determination, self- motivation, and focus that all needed to align for you to begin your journey AND to stay on it. To climb a mountain that seems impossible. It's focus and will power that shape our lives.

In my line of work, I am flirted with and hit on routinely... and while that is always a boost to my self esteem , I refuse to lose my way, and the only way to do that is by focusing on what is important. I keep three things in mind at all times:

Myself. I will be true to myself and never feel shame for what I have done when I look into a mirror.

My wife. I chose to marry her and we have had a decent- sometimes good- and, yes, sometimes great 17 years. I will not fail her

My kids. I chose to have them with my wife, and to raise them in a warm and loving home. I will not fail them.

When you run for distance you can't think of mile 13 or 26- you have to focus on the steps directly ahead. If you don't, you will stumble and fall. Focus on the day. Be the best husband, father, and YOU every day.


----------



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I simply CHOOSE not to cheat.

Since getting in much better shape in the past few years (I recently competed in a Physique contest and placed well), I have gotten a lot more attention from the opposite sex. I don't think I am anything special, but I guess compared to the average 40+ yr old guy, I must be doing OK. I get hit on at the grocery store, gas station, malls, etc.

I felt like I was in a Toby Kieth song the other day. I had stopped at the gas station to pick some things up. A VERY ATTRACTIVE lady started chatting with me as we were in line to pay. As we are leaving the store, she asks if I want to join her and her girlfriend as they were heading out to the clubs. Now, talk about tempting. I don't think I considered it for more than a nanosecond. My response was simply, thanks for the offer, but I don't think my wife would approve of that.

So, it is simply a matter of choosing to do the right thing. I do that with my diet as well. I choose not to eat the junk food that is so prevalent. Sure, I get tempted daily with food, but I choose not to indulge. It is the same when females approach me. I choose not to accept the invitation. There is really nothing more than that.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Thanks again everyone for their input. I know the right thing to do and I think if I ever did fall into the cheating trap that my conscience would rip me apart. There is nothing on the horizon that is a temptation for me at the moment. But I will say that Mach nailed it about the chemical changes. I always had a high libido, but sometimes I feel like I stripped 20 years off my life regarding desires to plow the wife...LOL.


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Must be an American thing, because, pretty much all the women in my office say that for my age, height, build and looks (46, 6'3", 200lb/athletic and a _lot _younger than my years) - that I should be getting a different woman each week.
Not happening...very rarely even gets _looks _off women (not that I'm aware)

As for being checked-out at the gym? LOL. _Nada_.


----------



## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

When I did my 180 I also started working out, grew a goatee, changed my wardrobe. I'm down about 30 pounds and at about 18% body fat.

I don't know if I'm also clueless or just invisible to women, but I don't notice any change at all in the way I'm treated. I mean, I'm not trying hard to see (that seems to be displaying low value to me), but I've been married for so long that I just do not flirt with other women anyway.

I have to say, NOT noticing a change in how women react has been a bit of a blow to my rediscovered self.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

InlandTXMM said:


> When I did my 180 I also started working out, grew a goatee, changed my wardrobe. I'm down about 30 pounds and at about 18% body fat.
> 
> I don't know if I'm also clueless or just invisible to women, but I don't notice any change at all in the way I'm treated. I mean, I'm not trying hard to see (that seems to be displaying low value to me), but I've been married for so long that I just do not flirt with other women anyway.
> 
> I have to say, NOT noticing a change in how women react has been a bit of a blow to my rediscovered self.


I'm down about 40lbs with about that much to go to be back to how I was in University.

I have not noticed any change in the women around me either. Part of that has to do with the fact that I'm still fat though. The other part is that I've been told by more than 1 woman that I should smile more because I have a cute smile. The "normal" way I look is scary. :scratchhead:

So I guess I normally look like a halloween costume.


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

improving your health and body is not just a huge physical upgrade, it is also a huge upgrade in yout self confidence/worth/mental well being...and what better way to destroy the mental part than to cheat...seriously, I look at it that way...


----------



## Carlchurchill (Jan 23, 2013)

women dont check me out either...I think they think that I am way out of their league


----------



## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I have been told I'm pretty intimidating. 6'1", about 220 but built - 48" chest, 34" waist. Goatee and salt/pepper hair. So I don't know. 

I think after 20 years, I'm just out of practice. I'll likely need a 2x4 across the scalp before I notice.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

InlandTXMM said:


> I have been told I'm pretty intimidating. 6'1", about 220 but built - 48" chest, 34" waist. Goatee and salt/pepper hair. So I don't know.
> 
> I think after 20 years, I'm just out of practice. *I'll likely need a 2x4 across the scalp before I notice.*


That's been me the majority of my life. The woman would have to literally throw herself at me before I'd notice that she's interested...


----------

