# Wife panicking at reality of dvorce.



## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

Has anyone else experienced this?

At the end of last summer, while dealing with some other stresses, my wife announced that she wanted me out of the house and wanted a divorce. We attempted counseling, but she eventually quit after stonewalling during the sessions and refusing to try any of the communication exercises. I was able to get her into individual counseling by refusing to talk divorce until she sought therapy.

I feel I've tried pretty hard and have a clear conscience. I know that I contributed my own share of our emotional disconnection and communication problems over the years.

Based on legal advice I did not move out of the house and prepared our finances for possible divorce. 

She agreed to return to couples counseling, at least to ease our dissolution. The counselor got her to contract to a minimum number of sessions. 

Now that the dissolution is being negotiated, she is panicking, because she is having trouble finding a job, will have to share time, including holidays, with the kids, and may have to give up the house. Based on the finances, there would be significant risk of her not obtaining a mortgage to buy me out or defaulting if she gets one.

I'm very frustrated. I'm ready for the divorce and looking forward to moving on with my life and getting time with my children by myself, even if a huge chunk of my salary is going to spousal and child support.

How can she be so upset with the reality of divorce, when it is what she wants? I think she really thought she would get the house and the kids handed to her and she wouldn't need to find a job. Turns out, in this state, the assets are split 50/50, shared parenting is standard, spousal support is not forever, and women are expected to find jobs after divorce.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Aww...To bad so sad. 

It's not 1950 anymore is it. 

Sorry about the D but pat yourself on the back.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

One thing I found telling was the fact that of all the reasons for your wife to want to not divorce, NONE of them had to do with still loving you. What more do you need to consider?

C


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She's panicking because it's become real to her.

Don't let her problem become yours.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've seen this before.


Sometimes, SAHMs take serious the idea that the court will keep them living at the same level they enjoyed during marriage. What they do not realize is that in reality it usually ends up at 50% or less than how they lived before.

This sort of magic thinking generally leads her to threaten divorce often. AFter the divorce is in process she panics.


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## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

PBear said:


> One thing I found telling was the fact that of all the reasons for your wife to want to not divorce, NONE of them had to do with still loving you. What more do you need to consider?
> 
> C


I noticed that too!


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## Regretf (Oct 13, 2014)

Ressurecting an old thread. My STXW is not a SAHM but she thought things would be handed to her and that she would buy me out for 15K, i would pay $800 a month for a three year old boy and that i would only see my son when her majesty accepted. Reality is hitting her hard right now, while D won't be stop, she really thought she would have a D without consequences. Im sorry, all our decisions in life come with consequences.

I have offered her what's fair, still she wouldn't go for that, she has to take me for everything i have and make me "pay" for making her reach the decisión to D, yeah, yeah, everything's my fault in her eyes.

Let's see what the court has to say regarding legal matters.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Regretf said:


> Ressurecting an old thread. My STXW is not a SAHM but she thought things would be handed to her and that she would buy me out for 15K, i would pay $800 a month for a three year old boy and that i would only see my son when her majesty accepted. Reality is hitting her hard right now, while D won't be stop, she really thought she would have a D without consequences. Im sorry, all our decisions in life come with consequences.
> 
> I have offered her what's fair, still she wouldn't go for that, she has to take me for everything i have and make me "pay" for making her reach the decisión to D, yeah, yeah, everything's my fault in her eyes.
> 
> Let's see what the court has to say regarding legal matters.


If you want to share what's going on in your life and want feedback, please start a thread. 

this is an old thread and the OP is not coming back.

I'm closing this one.


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