# Was this the most loyal and ethical person?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

We know lots of people cheat and some, maybe politicians, low-life's with a history, too young, ......but was your WS extremely faithful and ethical in yours and others eyes?

The type who would NEVER cheat. Solid work ethic, great parent, loving spouse... You get the point. 

Were you or your family or friend totally blindsided by this cheating behavior because the person was so upstanding?

Share if you are able.

I know of two (pretty close) types of people but not Perfection.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Rugs said:


> We know lots of people cheat and some, maybe politicians, low-life's with a history, too young, ......but was your WS extremely faithful and ethical in yours and others eyes?
> 
> The type who would NEVER cheat. Solid work ethic, great parent, loving spouse... You get the point.
> 
> ...


I was shocked. Out of all the women I had been with, she seemed like the LEAST likely to cheat. Because she got so much less male attention that previous girlfriends, it just didn't occur to me that my xWF would cheat. She also accused me of cheating 3 times.

In retrospect, that was probably precisely the reason she cheated. she was unused to aggressive male attention and insecure about us together.

It was counter intuitive, but it's starting to make sense.

So I'm again dating the type of girl who's used to male attention and doesn't seem to have much in the way of jealousy issues of my xWF. We'll have to wait and see how that works out for me.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

My wife was a devout Christian. She, literally, read her Bible and prayed 2-3 hours per day. She was very moral and showed total contempt for anything not godly. She was incapable of lying and her faith was supreme. She had zero tolerance for unfaithful people of any sort. 

Until she was wooed by a rich man who promised her a new life of luxury. She became a manipulative liar.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My ex-husband was, I felt, a very loyal and ethical person. That was part of what was so appealing about him. It was absolutely a very important part. But I was wrong about that. Not once but twice. And now I'm out.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

Nope. Warning signs early on (porn, strippers, spending), but he is also a pastors son, so he's very active in the church. True Jeckyl and Hyde.
In all honesty though, even with the porn and strip clubs, I did not think that he would cross over into AffairLand.

Oops.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

When I was introduced to my POSX everyone told me he is the nicest guy in the world, He would never ever hurt anyone. 
I didn't expose him straight away. when I did most ppl did not want to believe me.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

My STBXH is a cop, and a senior ranked one at that.

He lied, cheated, publicly humiliated me and our son, and cheated multiple times.

The OW he got pregnant is a friend of his daughter's.

Never in my wildest dreams....

Of yes, the pregnant OW is a good church going girl who reads her bible, And has unprotected sex with married men who have special needs children and a devoted faithful wife at home.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Unaware said:


> When I was introduced to my POSX everyone told me he is the nicest guy in the world, He would never ever hurt anyone.
> I didn't expose him straight away. when I did most ppl did not want to believe me.


I have not exposed my STBXH as yet. Mainly because he is cooperating on certain things I want.

Same here when we got engaged everyone told me he is the most amazing, upstanding moral man around.

When exposure comes, and it will eventually, I don't think a single soul will believe me (even with pregnant OW tagging along). I think they will all write me off as a bitter, twisted wife who was dumped by this marvelous man.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

My husband had been cheated on in a previous relationship so I was CERTAIN he would never do it himself. And he used to say he HATED liars, so I never imagined he could lie to me. So yes, I was blindsided.


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## selfiesarah (Nov 20, 2012)

12 months ago if you'd asked me to bet my children's lives on their father never doing what he's done I would have gambled it in an instant. Turns out he was never honourable, honest or trustworthy - I just wanted to believe he was


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## GBValley (Jun 23, 2013)

My STBXW is from a very Christian family, so am I but she didn't like it when I had questions about the bible because now I know she probably wasn't confident in her moral standards. My father had an affair and split our family when we were at an impressionable age so she knows what hurt, pain and suffering affairs leading to divorce and ripped apart families cause. So these things stacked up I never would have thought she would be so horrible, deceptive, manipulative, cowardly etc etc. Reading your partners' background etc it amazes me it seems anyone can have an affair and justify it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Like a lot of people who are deeply selfish, part of my husband's selfishness was that he has a deep need to be "the good guy", with a good reputation as an upstanding, honest, man of integrity. And he is exactly that. To his family. To his friends. To his co-workers. To strangers. 

He's the sort of guy who would never, _ever_, cheat on a test, lie to a friend, or even take office supplies from work. It would be unthinkable!

He's also a serial cheater.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

My XW was wooed into cheating when she started going to the gym by herself in the week and not with me at the weekend, although I probably never helped the situation I never told her she had to fVck around behind my back either, she had a high earning husband, 2 smashing kids and nice house etc, all paid for and provided and I never for one moment thought she would cheat I just thought she was a LD and just used sex as a bargaining tool to get her way, but when I started to make a bit more effort she paid me back by doing not 1 but 6 of the guys I used to hang with at the gym, going to the gym and losing some 40Lbs made her feel great and sexy just she had some other guys she wanted to please and never gave any up to me, when it came out everybody said I was making it up to cover up for an affair I was supposedly having, the CCTV footage of the hot tubs showed a whole new light on things, she would never let me use toys with her and vanilla is a perfect description, but was doing group sex with her new friends and that includes all the things I was never allowed BJs etc, but what comes around goes around, she's going through hell with her current iron pumper, good for her :smthumbup:

Shame I find myself in it allover again though


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Let's just say my WW grew up in a house where her F cheated on her M many times and she was in the middle of it, through the fights and arguments, living at relatives house for several days after yet another d day. Heck I saw it a few times when we were dating and a couple after we were married, she hates her father can't stand him unfortunately her M has rug swept it and they are still together(finally in their 60's maybe he calmed down).
The last person I ever thought would cheat was her, she had checked up on me since before we were married I was accused of cheating several times(never ever even did anything that looked inappropriate) and yet I was sad to learn just how much like her F she really is.
I trusted her 100% never was never worried about her going anywhere thought the one thing she hated the most in this world was infidelity, in fact a few weeks before I found out some buddies and I were having drinks (one guy was in the middle of a D because of his WW cheating) and I made the statement that I wasn't jealous and I trusted her completely, HOW VERY STUPID I WAS.
It is hard when you have absolute faith in someone and it all blows up, well really its devastating you have a huge void inside where all that blind trust was and its just gone and how it will ever.....its just gone.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Family was totally shocked in 1999. Man, I vented and deleted what I wrote. But ditto in what other wrote in that we were surprised.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

My wife has a strong desire for people to see her as good. She always professed how important honesty and good morals and ethics were. Everyone says she is the most caring and selfless person they know.

As our kids got older and she wanted to get out of the house more I supported that. After her mother died, she started reconnecting with old friends. I trusted her. 

I was completely fooled.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Never thought it would happen as it was one of the corner stones of our marriage. I have pages he has written on the subject and how he is this faithful loving husband which of course he isn't now nor will he ever be again. Fact is fact once a cheater you can never claim to be faithful again. just not going to happen.


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## darklilly23 (May 26, 2013)

Stbxh always said he was, that's what attracted me to him.
Every woman he was with was a "immoral insane person."
Told me he was the last good man alive because he was sorry for all the 
things he had done before marriage "relationships that he was lured into because he was saving the girls"

But I knew something was off when he told me he had sex with OW when she was engaged.
I thought how could you do that to the OWH? Then WS started protecting his relationship with her over how I felt about.

Part of the reason I believed him about "just friends" thing for so long 
Is he turned staying in contact with her against me as a moral issue.
"You want me to hurt OW so you will not be in pain" telling me that it was her contacting him not The other way around, he did not have to contact her because he knew she would always come to him. 

So deep down I think I always knew something was wrong, just did not lesson to my gut.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FOH (Jun 29, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Family was totally shocked in 1999. Man, I vented and deleted what I wrote. But ditto in what other wrote in that we were surprised.


NOT ETHICAL AT ALL. The signs were there and at the end I am bitter and I hate him for what he did to me. The signs were there I just did not want to believe it. I loved this man with every fiber in me and now he and his girl looks happy as I am here devastated. She even taunts me at school walking around like everything is everything. He has done these things before. Let me explain.

At the time, I had just given up my Naval Career of 11 years (VERY GOOD ONE) for my husband. He wanted me to be a wife at home and to be honest I wanted it too. I wanted to run my business fully and have a family. And I did not like how the Navy made me feel anymore. But the main reason was for my Husband who I loved and still love very much but he put it to me straight that if I did not get out that we would divorce. Well in October of last year I decided it was him and my family I wanted so all my energies was to that. He was surprised at how attentive I was ie (calling him to run his bath water and asking him what he needed when he got home) but I thought this would be pleasing to him. Well more and more he seemed distant and argumentive and I asked him what was wrong he would never say just snapped. Even at christmas I had a idea to do the 12 days of christmas and gave him a card and gift every day to be his maid to let him know I was here for him in every way. That also did not work out well. So in March I found out that not only was he (also in the Navy) was cheating but it was in his direct chain. She was an E5 and he is an E6 (we sign pg13 to not do this) but they did it. When I found out, he told me he wanted to move out then. I said NO. To give us time to see so he decided he would do that but this chick kept calling him everyday. I asked him to stop but it was mute. Then one day we were to talk and I made dinner waited for him and it was getting late and I was worried something was wrong when I said I wonder if he is with her so I looked at our phone bills and got her number and reverse looked up her address. And sure enough he was over at her house. I told both of them that we are all active duty and do you know they could get in trouble but she says "i dont care" Two weeks later he moved out. This was in June. Since that time he kept telling me he was working things out but he was still seeing her.

I was having female issues and kept complianing about it but he seemed not to care. Eventually I went to a real doctor outside the navy and found out I have stage II cervical cancer. Devistated I told him and he did not want to move home to help me when he was going through something similiar I was there for him. Then I found out I was pregnant. But it gets even better, he blew his knee out and lied to me and his friends of when he had his surgery so this girl could be there with him. He even posted these on facebook. He had surgery and then he comes over to see me and then leaves and when he gets over there to her starts yelling like we are arguing. I get up and drive over there did not go to the door but blow up my husbands phone well not on her property and calls the cops. Never set foot on her property well she not only got me arrested but put a restraining order. I had to pay an attorney to represent me and they got dismissed because the judge saw the truth. But it gets better. In October of this year I separated from the Navy and they gave me 30k. My husband filed for separation on 6 Oct and I got out on the 14th. That monday I recieved my severance and it went in the wrong account. Before I could even get to it my husband started paying my bill all except for one and paid off 10k of his bills including his car and said I did not steal your money. He left me with 2800 for me to use from October until Christmas which I was broke and reserve pay just is minor compared to what I was making. I am devistated, broke and alone. My son who is my blessing is all I think about when I push myself to increase my bookkeeping business. My husband not only wants me to move out of the apartment which I do not have a job to get another one but will probably file for divorce this month and I barely have money to live. I had to fight for medical care and 1700 spousal which I can not all at the beginning of the month for rent because he thinks that is not a good reason. 

His best friend has help me put together with all the evidence i have to turn him in the Navy but I have been hesitant thinking it was a phase and that he would see where he is wrong. But nothing has changed. I am suppose to be bed ridden but can not because I have to think about my unborn son. He even has his mother telling me two wrongs dont make a right and I should have not quit my job. But if you love someone you want to do what you can to make them happy.

Everyone is telling me to turn him in and move on. But I think of my son and what will I say to him. But I am in so much pain and he is not her for me with my cancer and this difficult pregnacy that I want to make him pay for how ill he has treated me. He think he has done nothing wrong and that i am just acting like a victim. So now here i am broke with child and sick and I want to make him pay. But would I be wrong to punishing them both. This girl had the nerve to tell the judge in open court that he does not want to be with me anymore and this is right what he is doing. 

I am humiliated and hurt.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

love=pain said:


> Let's just say my WW grew up in a house where her F cheated on her M many times and she was in the middle of it, through the fights and arguments, living at relatives house for several days after yet another d day. Heck I saw it a few times when we were dating and a couple after we were married, she hates her father can't stand him unfortunately her M has rug swept it and they are still together(finally in their 60's maybe he calmed down).
> The last person I ever thought would cheat was her, she had checked up on me since before we were married I was accused of cheating several times(never ever even did anything that looked inappropriate) and yet I was sad to learn just how much like her F she really is.
> I trusted her 100% never was never worried about her going anywhere thought the one thing she hated the most in this world was infidelity, in fact a few weeks before I found out some buddies and I were having drinks (one guy was in the middle of a D because of his WW cheating) and I made the statement that I wasn't jealous and I trusted her completely, HOW VERY STUPID I WAS.
> It is hard when you have absolute faith in someone and it all blows up, well really its devastating you have a huge void inside where all that blind trust was and its just gone and how it will ever.....its just gone.


My ex was exactly the same way. She found out that her father, who was a preacher, had cheated on his wife numerous times. She discovered this when she was 12. Her battle cry was that she would never cheat. She hated him for so long. Now she's worse than him. At least he had the stones to admit he was wrong and try to make it up to his wife. 

Christian girls watch Twilight and read 50SoG and all of a sudden they drop their morals like they never had them. 

Probably because they didn't.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

<<My husband had been cheated on in a previous relationship so I was CERTAIN he would never do it himself. And he used to say he HATED liars, so I never imagined he could lie to me. So yes, I was blindsided.>>

This is exactly what I felt. His ex cheated , lied, and swindled people, yet he probably would have stayed with her because that was how he was raised by his parents. 
He was the most loyal person I knew. He HATED lying and that was the biggest 'sin' in our family if our boys lied. If they did something wrong and were asked about it the consequences were much worse if they lied than if they fessed up.

When he cheated I was lost as we had moved across the country and were each other's best friend. I had no one to talk to because the one person who normally would hold me and tell me it would be alright, could not do that.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

There's a similar thread here:

How many thought their WS would be the last person to cheat?

My Ex wife cheated on me, and my wife said she would never, ever do what my ex wife did, and always seemed to have disdain for women who did. Lo and behold, years later all it took was an ex boyfriend from high school that she reconnected with on facebook to tell her she looked great after all these years.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

Many times over the years my FWW swore she'd never cheat. She just wasn't that kind of person. 

That's what she said, and it's what I thought. It's what my family, her family, and friends thought. 

My mom in particular was shocked. "Out of all the people, that's the one you would think wouldn't do it" 

You can trust completely, until you can't.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Someone actually said to me: "You love your wife. And it's obvious she loves you. I just know she'd never cheat on you!"

As this happened right in the middle of her affair, I didn't know if I wanted to laugh, scream or cry. I just nodded and gave a bland reply.

Can't remember why the subject came up...:scratchhead:


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

selfiesarah said:


> 12 months ago if you'd asked me to bet my children's lives on their father never doing what he's done I would have gambled it in an instant. Turns out he was never honourable, honest or trustworthy - *I just wanted to believe he was*


Sad.


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