# He's not in love with me



## sydnie (Mar 1, 2010)

I am a 41 year old woman. Married 23 years and and we have 3 adult children. For the first 18 years of our marriage things were great for the most part. Then our oldest daughter left home, my dad who I was extremely close to died suddenly and I had to start taking care of my mom who had MS and dementia. I had to put her into a home since our home was not suitable to care for her, but I was there with her a lot. Then in 2005 she passed away. Now all our children are grown and do not need me as much.

In 2003 after the death of my dad I got depressed and in my attempt to "have some fun" my drug of choice was sex. I found a website about swinging and my husband was all for it, so for two years we had a lot of "fun". I decided to quit when I realized the lifestyle was making me feel worse instead of better. I know now that after my dad died I was looking for affection and love that I do not get from my husband. My dad always filled my love tank and he was no longer there for me. My husband is not an affectionate guy and never tells me he loves me. He is a great guy and provides financially for me and I love him very much. 

I have spoke to him many many times about my need for affection and reassurance, but he doesn't understand this need. He responds with negative comments. He has said many mean things that are affecting my physhe and I feel I am losing it. The latest thing he has said is that if he had to choose between me or his sister being killed (no, i didn't bring up this scenario)He said he would choose her because blood is thicker than water and a wife is easily replaceable, but you can't replace a sister. 

That is just one of many things that he has said. Some others have been things like when I told him he used to be affectionate, he said it was only out of obligation. Also, he never flirts with me and 90% of the time I have to initiate what little sex we have anymore. 

He is mad at me for not staying in the lifestyle and wants to still be in it, which also makes me upset, knowing he wants to be with other women. I just don't know what to do. I am so screwed up in my head. I love him and am in love with him, but I know he is not in love with me. Please help me, I don't know what to do.


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## maemayon (Mar 10, 2010)

You have your answer already and don't see it. Your children are grown and you no longer have the ties that some of us on here have. Cut your losses, pack your bags and move on. You don't need to lead a lifestyle that you don't like just to make someone happy. In the end you will lose, not him.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yes, why do you remain with him? The swinging was a sign: you need a lot more than he is giving you. Don't be ashamed; move on! Good luck.


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