# Another Walk away Wife story.. but she walked away from everything



## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

Hi all, I've been lurking here for a while and finally decided to post my story..

Married for 21 years, I thought happily. We have two great kids ( 19 and 16).& my WW was a terrific mom and wife during most of that time.

About 5 years ago, during the economic suckiness, she had to go back to work after being off for 9 years raising the kids. 

My jobs keep me away from home a lot., She struck up a "friendship" wth a co-worker and then the EA started about 10 months ago. She did the typical " Oh, he's just a friend" and was very upset anytime I questioned her about the relationship ( he is 21 years younger than her)

D-Day happened about 7 months ago when I took her phone without her knowledge and saw the texts between her and AP. I confronted her and told her that she neded to make a decsion between the family and I, or the AP. She chose the family, and I thought that we would be OK after some MC and absolutely NC with AP.

That lasted 7 days. She was distant and cold the week after she made the decision to stay with the family. The night before she moved out, I had told her that she didn't seem like she wanted to work on our M, and she replied that she was "trying, but it was hard". She moved out the next day to a girlfriend's house ( I was distant to her that day) and was back with the AP that night. That was 5 months ago.

She has seen our kids (S19 & D16) 4 times in that time period, and texts them about once a week if that. She's not talked to her parents or any of our friends since she moved out. It's like she's completely abandoned her life except for the AP and her girlfriend that she moved in with. She's pretty much lost all of her friendships and the kids don't even care that she contacts them or not. They hate the AP, and refuse to be around him. 

Our M is done, period. ( I am one of those guys who will not deal with getting cheated on ), but for her to completely abandon everyone else is bizarre. I think she needs some professional help.

I have D papers signed, and ready to go at my lawyer's office, but am waiting to file until D16 is out of school ( probably is going to graduate next spring). 

Definitely a Walk Away Wife story....


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Sorry that happened to you billy.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Sorry to hear this...the karma thing in your story is this young guy will most likely dump her one day for a younger hottie. And her actions will come crashing down. 

That's ok, you'll find a beautiful woman one day that will be loyal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

Why are you waiting till D16 is out of school to file for Divorce?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Not that it probably matters with the cheating but i'm curious how you intended to work on your marriage with a job that keeps you away a lot? Separation is terrible for a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vn1955 (Jun 30, 2014)

Seems like so many of our stories are similar. It's hard. It sounds like you're a very strong man and have handled this very well. Why spouses choose to do this after so many years invested in a partner is beyond anyone's comprehension. My husband did the same, almost parallel story. The fog is lifting and he's finally coming around, but you get so emotionally worn down that it's hard to trust again. Her fog will lift one day also and she'll realize what she's losing. My husband started to see that I was moving on when I removed him from my credit cards and car insurance. Been separated is hard, it's been 6 months for me. Stay strong. Sounds like your kids really love and respect you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> *Sorry to hear this...the karma thing in your story is this young guy will most likely dump her one day for a younger hottie. And her actions will come crashing down.*
> 
> That's ok, you'll find a beautiful woman one day that will be loyal.


Be ready for ^this, Billy, because on the day that it happens, she's going to pull every trick in the book to get you to take her back.

Sorry you're hear, sir.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I have two kids, exactly the same age as yours. There is no need to wait before divorcing. Your children want you to protect yourself. Divorce is a consequence of cheating. Let your children understand that. Besides, they must be badly hurt by their mother's capitulation to lust at their expense.

Hopefully, being in love will make her less interested in fighting you for money and things in the divorce. Don't interact with her, just serve her the papers. As to waking up, well, divorce may help her get her head on straight.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Not that it probably matters with the cheating but i'm curious how you intended to work on your marriage with a job that keeps you away a lot? Separation is terrible for a marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I wasn't aware that we had anything to work on at the time.. E (eventually)TBXW was affectionate, said ILY, acted just as she had done any other time of our marriage. And I blindly trusted her. BIG mistake.

After D Day, I asked her to go to MC with me, she refused.. saying she was not going to go to anyone that would "judge" her for her actions. 

The night she decided to go live at the girlfriends, she told D16 that it "was only going to be for a couple of days". 5 months later, she's still living there, with the boyfriend.


Classic mid-life crisis...


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What you should do is file now and have your lawyer send her a notice that she needs to start making child support payments and make sure she does. Maybe she doesn't want to be a mother any longer but she's still a parent and has to take responsibility for her kids so don't let her get away with it.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

brendanoco said:


> Why are you waiting till D16 is out of school to file for Divorce?


Mostly because of our housing situation. Our marital home is in a trust that belongs to my ETBXW's family. Her mom and her uncle are the current trustees, and we'be lived here for 17 years. 

When my MIL found out about her daughter's affair, and the abandonment of the family, she immediately ordered me to change the locks because she did not want "that boy" ( the AP) in the house. She then called ETBXW's cell, and left her a very detailed voice mail explaining her actions. The voice mail was never picked up, so it fell on me to let her know her mom's decision about a week later when the kids and I were going out of town. Of course, that went over swimmingly....

Furthermore, ETBXW has been removed as the sole beneficiary ( only child) on the trust, and both kids will become the co-trustees. ETBXW is not aware of this, as she has not spoken to MIL since May. 

So, basically I'm holding off on the D papers for now to get my daughter through the rest of school and to provide a safe, loving environment for both her and my boy ( in college). After she graduates and my D is final, then it'll be billy's turn.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

6301 said:


> What you should do is file now and have your lawyer send her a notice that she needs to start making child support payments and make sure she does. Maybe she doesn't want to be a mother any longer but she's still a parent and has to take responsibility for her kids so don't let her get away with it.


Nah. I don't need her money. I'm debt free, and make enough to cover the monthly bills. I asked ETBXW one time in May for bill help, got rudely rebuffed, decided I did not need any more BS and drama from her, and have not communicated with her since.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Be ready for ^this, Billy, because on the day that it happens, she's going to pull every trick in the book to get you to take her back.


Pretty sure that's not going to happen, Gus. Two reasons: First off, just like in the script I got the ILYBNILWY speech when she left. Two, she is way too proud and stubborn to want to "come back".


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

vn1955 said:


> Seems like so many of our stories are similar. It's hard. It sounds like you're a very strong man and have handled this very well. Why spouses choose to do this after so many years invested in a partner is beyond anyone's comprehension. My husband did the same, almost parallel story. The fog is lifting and he's finally coming around, but you get so emotionally worn down that it's hard to trust again. Her fog will lift one day also and she'll realize what she's losing. My husband started to see that I was moving on when I removed him from my credit cards and car insurance. Been separated is hard, it's been 6 months for me. Stay strong. Sounds like your kids really love and respect you.


vn, I'm so sorry you're going through the same nonsense. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense after so many years of investing in each other. The part that really gets me though is the NC with the kids and her folks. How anyone could be so callous and selfish to cut the people that love her most completely out of her life without as much as a "see ya" is really beyond my comprehension ( and lets me finally see what kind of person she really is).

You hang tough too vn. Are you looking at R once your H finally gets his head screwed back on the right way?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

billy baru said:


> Pretty sure that's not going to happen, Gus. Two reasons: First off, just like in the script I got the ILYBNILWY speech when she left. Two, she is way too proud and stubborn to want to "come back".


Wow. now that your old lady is disinherited...and the punk leaves her when her attraction level declines... and to stuborn to stay committed to someone her own age.... her kids resent her for the rest of her life.....

I.m guess she is going to die alone only to be found by the postmen in a trailer full of cats and cat boo.....or is she a dog person

If the kids are now the trustee then doesn't that make the house theirs? I get why you want your did to finish HS but then she goes to college and all that stress....my point is, when is it ever a good time to go through a divorce?

I'm with the crowd that thinks you should get the divorce moving.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I agree you should make sure the house is secure for the kids...hell I'm sure they would let you stay.

But waiting for a good time for your daughter...well...again when is it ever a good time to file for divorce?


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

The house is still technically my MIL's and her brother's as the co-trustees for the trust. My son will become a co-trustee upon the death of either of them, then my daughter will. 

LOL, no question that they'd let me stay as long as I wanted, but I'll be ready to start the new chapter of life when the daughter is out of school and the D is final. 

Now, if I find a hottie before graduation, I'll file immediately. lol.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Finding a hottie always seems to make you forget about the crap your old lady is putting you through


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

With a midlife crisis of this proportion, I suspect a before and after MRI of your wife's brain would show major changes. She has been rewired.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the book MMSLP linked to below. You will be shocked but there is a good chance it will keep something like this happening again.

Another good read for many men is NO MORE MR NICE GUY. Google the free download. Check it out to see if this applies.

Good luck. Divorce her now and let her know she's lost her inheritance. Do her one last favor.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

billy baru said:


> Well, I wasn't aware that we had anything to work on at the time.. E (eventually)TBXW was affectionate, said ILY, acted just as she had done any other time of our marriage. And I blindly trusted her. BIG mistake.
> 
> After D Day, I asked her to go to MC with me, she refused.. saying she was not going to go to anyone that would "judge" her for her actions.
> 
> ...



Fair enough, she should've said something if it wasn't working for her. But be mindful of it in the future because you can't nurture a relationship when you're away a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> With a midlife crisis of this proportion, I suspect a before and after MRI of your wife's brain would show major changes. She has been rewired.


Drugs?


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

I agree with others. File the D papers. She might eventually come around and snap out of the Fog, but if you've made up your mind then why wait?

Post the OM on cheaterville. Finish the exposure so that others know that he dates married women.

Join a gym, activity or support group. You will need something to occupy your time instead of worrying about WW.

Go get a new wardobe, treat yourself to a vacation.

In sum, move on with your life. Don't look in the rear view mirror


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Hey!
Sounds like your ex was one of the people who "supported and advised my ex in her time of need."

You dont need her in your life.
File for D.
Enjoy your new life.

Going to collge is a very jolting experience and the added stress of a fresh divorce will not help things. Get it out of the way while you can.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I second putting the pos on cheaterville and send it to as many at their company as you can.
Then I'll grab the popcorn.
:awink:


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

billy baru said:


> Pretty sure that's not going to happen, Gus. Two reasons: First off, just like in the script I got the ILYBNILWY speech when she left. Two, she is way too proud and stubborn to want to "come back".


Believe me she will come back. Your wife can't be half as proud and stubborn as my ex who didn't even admit she was doing anything wrong!

They almost always come back, but most come backs are either very late or such half-ass efforts that they just don't mean much.

She'll eventually find herself a nice victim's chair and sit on it for years (like all of them do).

You're handling this right.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

billy baru said:


> Pretty sure that's not going to happen, Gus. Two reasons: First off, just like in the script I got the ILYBNILWY speech when she left. Two, she is way too proud and stubborn to want to "come back".


Don't be so sure.

Statistically she is in the danger now for the relationship to fall apart. Don't be shocked that within the next 6 months it goes belly up with the OM and she starts swallowing her pride and hits you up.

That fact that she allowed herself to turn her back on her family for a "boy toy" shows she is not wife material so don't even let yourself be tempted for an R no matter how much she may beg in the future.

This happens more often than you'd think.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> LongWalk said:
> 
> 
> > With a midlife crisis of this proportion, I suspect a before and after MRI of your wife's brain would show major changes. She has been rewired.
> ...



Alcohol, definitely. A buddy of mine works in her favorite liquor store, says she and her boyfriend are in there at least 3-4 times a week. She's always been a social drinker, but not this heavy of one. Drowns the conscious, I guess...


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

kalimata said:


> I agree with others. File the D papers. She might eventually come around and snap out of the Fog, but if you've made up your mind then why wait?
> 
> Post the OM on cheaterville. Finish the exposure so that others know that he dates married women.
> 
> ...


Definitely moving on & not looking back. As I posted earlier, mainly waiting on pulling the trigger on D because of the housing situation. Both kids know (and support) that I'm divorcing their maternal parent. ( as D16 says... she gave up the title of Mom when she abandoned me)


Definitely looking at joining a gym, I run 3-4 times a week, but would like to tone up some before I hit the dating pool in the next couple years. I have a great support network, both families, great friends, my kids and now y'all on TAM. 

As far as Cheaterville, it would be ETBXW that would be posted on there if I were that type of guy. While her boyfriend is scum and has no morals, he's not the one that cheated. She is. He was just the catalyst. Yes, he deserves the cap beat out of him for screwing a married woman, but he's not worth getting thrown in jail for an assault charge. I have D16 to think about. ( Though she'd probably throw a couple of punches too, and end up in the cell next to me... )

Rear view mirror is cracked, looking forward....


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Yup, her brain is telling her to do one thing (dopamine) with boy toy, but she knows what she's doing is wrong. The alcohol puts her in a different state of mind. 

Same thing happen to a buddy but she left for a rich older guy. She turned to cigs and drinking. She now looks 12 years older than her age. She tried to come back 1-2 years after but my buddy said "hit the road jack!!"

She married the older guy for 6 years and now she's getting divorced with nothing because he made her sign a prenup. 

That's Karma. 

Your Karma will be way sooner, like in 1 year. That boy toy, unless he's a total geek, will tire of this soon. She's just a piece for him. Trust me, I'll bet my house she tries to use sex with you to come back. Don't ever have sex again with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

synthetic said:


> Believe me she will come back. Your wife can't be half as proud and stubborn as my ex who didn't even admit she was doing anything wrong!
> 
> They almost always come back, but most come backs are either very late or such half-ass efforts that they just don't mean much.
> 
> ...


She's a chronic avoider, I am 100% sure that she'd just go get another sex buddy rather than come back here. She knows without the shoadow of a doubt that we're done. It would be easier, and that's all she's about now.... being "easy".. lol

Oh, and if you ask her, synthetic.. she's not doing anything wrong. Her mantra is " Life is too short not to be happy, so I'm making myself happy". Doesn't seem to click with her that her "happiness" caused so much pain to others... ( Nor does she care that it did)

I appreciate the support!


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

ArmyofJuan said:


> Don't be so sure.
> 
> Statistically she is in the danger now for the relationship to fall apart. Don't be shocked that within the next 6 months it goes belly up with the OM and she starts swallowing her pride and hits you up.
> 
> ...


Her chance to save the M happened when I asked her to go to MC with me. She was given a very clear choice, our M and family, or her boyfriend. She initially chose us, but then decided that she "needed space", and went to go stay for a "couple of days" at her girlfriend's. The boyfriend was over there 15 minutes later, and has lived there ever since. Our M was over that night.

R? Not a chance. I'll never be able to look at that female again, and not think "cheater". Hopefully, the times that I'll have to see her will be few and far between.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> Yup, her brain is telling her to do one thing (dopamine) with boy toy, but she knows what she's doing is wrong. The alcohol puts her in a different state of mind.
> 
> Same thing happen to a buddy but she left for a rich older guy. She turned to cigs and drinking. She now looks 12 years older than her age. She tried to come back 1-2 years after but my buddy said "hit the road jack!!"
> 
> ...


Her boy toy is the kid that got the **** beat out of him in school, total loser type. So, now that he's got a steady piece, I bet he stays around for as long as she doesn't tire of him. ( or until he wants kids, she's a little too old for that)

Me touch her again? Not a chance.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

billy baru said:


> She's a chronic avoider, I am 100% sure that she'd just go get another sex buddy rather than come back here. She knows without the shoadow of a doubt that we're done. It would be easier, and that's all she's about now.... being "easy".. lol
> 
> Oh, and if you ask her, synthetic.. she's not doing anything wrong. Her mantra is " Life is too short not to be happy, so I'm making myself happy". Doesn't seem to click with her that her "happiness" caused so much pain to others... ( Nor does she care that it did)
> 
> I appreciate the support!


At least she's trying to be 'happy' in her mind! My piece of sh1t ex-wife aborted our 3 months old wanted baby without my consent and said "I just didn't feel like being a mother". 

This was when she had recently come back begging me to take her back after she had left me for the 3rd time during our marriage (God knows what she had done while away). 

While pregnant and as we were both starting to prepare for the upcoming birth, she just woke up one day and said "I don't feel happy", then left to her parents' and 2 days later I found out through other people that she had aborted my baby! To this day I still can't figure out how I didn't kill myself due to the extreme shock.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

synthetic said:


> At least she's trying to be 'happy' in her mind! My piece of sh1t ex-wife aborted our 3 months old wanted baby without my consent and said "I just didn't feel like being a mother".
> 
> This was when she had recently come back begging me to take her back after she had left me for the 3rd time during our marriage (God knows what she had done while away).
> 
> While pregnant and as we were both starting to prepare for the upcoming birth, she just woke up one day and said "I don't feel happy", then left to her parents' and 2 days later I found out through other people that she had aborted my baby! To this day I still can't figure out how I didn't kill myself due to the extreme shock.


Holy crap man. I'm without words, except I'm sorry.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Keep in mind that child support is for the kids. Why not get her to pay what they're legally entitled to, and put the money away for them? A little nest egg rarely hurts anyone. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

PBear said:


> Keep in mind that child support is for the kids. Why not get her to pay what they're legally entitled to, and put the money away for them? A little nest egg rarely hurts anyone.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a possibility. My lawyer's advice at this point is to do nothing because

1. D16 is with me 100% of the time, and is stable and happy ( or as much as a 16 year old girl can be with her mom just walking out) Lawyer thinks that if we start beating the legal drums, ETBXW will start asking for joint custody/ visitation, etc. While there's no legal holds on ETBXW, she's showing no interest in being a parent. Lawyer says to maintain "status quo" until something changes or until D16 graduates. 

2. She's barely making it financially now from what I hear around town. She's at a just above minimum wage job, as is the boyfriend. The girlfriend she lives with ( former mutual friend) has been a professional welfare artist for as long as I've known her. If I was to get any child support from ETBXW, it would be a pittance, and likely more trouble and expense than it's worth.

3. Knowing how skewed the courts are towards female parents, if I did go after her for CS, they'd probably tell me to start paying ETBXW since I make more money than she does. I know that when I do file that I'll get hit for 1/2 of our assets ( we're in a "no fault" state), so not in a hurry to improve ETBXW's lifestyle anytime real soon.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

billy baru said:


> Alcohol, definitely. A buddy of mine works in her favorite liquor store, says she and her boyfriend are in there at least 3-4 times a week. She's always been a social drinker, but not this heavy of one. Drowns the conscious, I guess...


Very common in the MLC crowd, the downward spiral into destructive lifestyles with drugs and/or alcohol. What better a cure to make a person feel good about themselves, become a middle age inebriated party ho, with someone half your age. The result is always the same, those that are left behind clean up the debris.

Best to you and your family.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are doing good Billy. Keep showing strength to your children. Do the 180 and get that divorce going. I would go dark on the WW, to the point where the only way you should communicate is through texts. Quit talking to her about the relationship or the marriage.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> You are doing good Billy. Keep showing strength to your children. Do the 180 and get that divorce going. I would go dark on the WW, to the point where the only way you should communicate is through texts. Quit talking to her about the relationship or the marriage.


Thanks bandit. I've been completely doing the 180 since early May, no contact of any kind including texts. If she wants to start communicating some time in the future, then email or texts will be the only way. That way I have records for when I go to court for our D.

Like I said earlier, papers are signed and ready at the lawyer's. One call from me and she gets served. But, I'm holding off for now because of the reasons listed in the thread.


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Have your children been to a therapist? 

This experience is obviously very traumatic for them.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

Iver said:


> Have your children been to a therapist?
> 
> This experience is obviously very traumatic for them.


We went to a FC for a couple of sessions, both kids expressed their thoughts & emotions. After 2nd aession, counselor said that both of them had a good handle on things, and there wasn't much she was able to do for them that they (or I) wasn't already doing.

Both of them have a great group of friends at school, and both are involved with youth groups at church which give them a sounding board. Of course they have their Dad & our families.

If the ETBXW decides that she's no longer happy being a middle-aged party sot, along with being a sperm depository for a kid and decides that she wants to rejoin her family & try to make amends, then professional counseling may need to come back into play..


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Has your STBXW ever had mental health issues? 

I realize it's a day late and a dollar short but she needs to get a medical exam to rule out organic or mental health issues...i.e. a brain tumor or mental illness would explain a lot.


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

She probably walked away from the kids so she wouldnt face criticism. When you feel self righteous and justified you really don't want anyone telling you that you are wrong and rain on your parade. My step mom is an addict that somehow worked the system to get disability for her many fake health issues, got a boob job and i'm pretty sure she has cheated. She doesnt talk to me or her own daughter because she feels and is judged and has the whole life is too short crap so ''i do what makes me happy'' so screw what you think attitude. Not trying to thread jack but it seems your W has the same mentality. They feel like martyrs for doing their job as a wife and mom now its their turn for themselves. Such selfish people. I could never ever abandon my kids. Yours are lucky they have you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

Iver said:


> Has your STBXW ever had mental health issues?
> 
> I realize it's a day late and a dollar short but she needs to get a medical exam to rule out organic or mental health issues...i.e. a brain tumor or mental illness would explain a lot.


No mental health issues while we were together, or at least anything that I knew of. 

When she emerges from her fog, this might be a good idea for her to look at. I hope someone suggests it to her.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

billy baru said:


> When she emerges from her fog


Don't hold your breath. You could very well be a grandfather by then.

I'm impressed by how well-grounded you seem to be. It'll be a bumpy ride a little longer, but you're going to come out of this just fine.

I'm still married and don't know any of this first-hand, but I hear often that a man in his 40s or 50s with a personality, paycheck and property is a pretty hot dating commodity. When you're ready.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

GTdad said:


> Don't hold your breath. You could very well be a grandfather by then.
> 
> I'm impressed by how well-grounded you seem to be. It'll be a bumpy ride a little longer, but you're going to come out of this just fine.
> 
> I'm still married and don't know any of this first-hand, but I hear often that a man in his 40s or 50s with a personality, paycheck and property is a pretty hot dating commodity. When you're ready.


LOL GTdad. Nah, after the first couple of weeks, I caught my breath and have been slowly and deeply breathing. The only reason I say "when" she comes out of the fog is simply because I think that her current relationship is unsustainable at best. Pretty hard to have anything meaningful when it was built on deceit and lies. I could be wrong. When she does break out of the fog, she's going to see the vast wasteland of the life that she chose to use the "nuclear option" on; a life where she was treasured and adored by her husband, children, both of our families and our friends. She will have a LOT of work to do to even begin to mend some of those. Others have no chance of being repaired. Consequences suck.

Thanks for the "well-grounded" remark.. I'm better now than I was, and I'll be even better tomorrow. The first couple of weeks after she left were rough ( to say the least), but every day is a little easier. I've a great support network, my faith, and my kids. That's what's truly important.

As far as dating.. Definitely not looking for it, but won't shy away from it if something happens. There's a few miles on the chassis, but all original equipment. I imagine there may be another lonely soul out there... 

Thanks man.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

tonedef said:


> She probably walked away from the kids so she wouldnt face criticism. When you feel self righteous and justified you really don't want anyone telling you that you are wrong and rain on your parade. My step mom is an addict that somehow worked the system to get disability for her many fake health issues, got a boob job and i'm pretty sure she has cheated. She doesnt talk to me or her own daughter because she feels and is judged and has the whole life is too short crap so ''i do what makes me happy'' so screw what you think attitude. Not trying to thread jack but it seems your W has the same mentality. They feel like martyrs for doing their job as a wife and mom now its their turn for themselves. Such selfish people. I could never ever abandon my kids. Yours are lucky they have you!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks tonedef. She walked away and broke any sort of contact with ANYONE that would tell her that she's wrong for abandoning her family. She definitely has the same attitude as your stepmom, it seems. ( sorry you're going through that). 

I always thought she was pretty happy.. 2 incredible kids, great home, family and friends that adored her, a husband that, while not perfect by ANY way, shape or form, did his damndest to show her that she was his only true love. I guess it wasn't enough. When you live with someone for 21 years, the butterflies and rainbows tend to fade and be replaced with day-to-day reality. I definitely take my share of the blame for not trying to keep more butterflies and rainbows in our marriage. She gets the other half of that blame ( takes two in a marriage), and 100% of the blame for deciding to nuke it all by cheating. She is truly the most selfish person I've ever known.

I told my kids over the summer ( when S19 was still at home), to never think of us as a "broken" family. One piece may have gotten lost, but all we have to do is to draw closer together. 

Appreciate your post!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

billy baru said:


> I told my kids over the summer ( when S19 was still at home), to never think of us as a "broken" family. One piece may have gotten lost, but all we have to do is to draw closer together.
> 
> !


:smthumbup:

That's some wise sh1t right there!

billy are you some wise man sitting in a tembel high in the mountains surround by candle :lol:


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

the guy said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> That's some wise sh1t right there!
> 
> billy are you some wise man sitting in a tembel high in the mountains surround by candle :lol:


No... but i did stay at a Holiday Inn last night....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Close enough great one!:lol:

When I was going thru this crap, my kids were the same age....I wish I would have told them what you said to yours.

I didn't even tell 16S but I did have a talk about her moms crap with my 21D.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Read the GoodGuy


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Read the GoodGuy


On my list..  Thanks!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

billy baru said:


> No... but i did stay at a Holiday Inn last night....


LOL, love those commercials.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Commercials about cheaters meeting at Holiday Inns?


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## angel kate (Sep 13, 2014)

My husband started to see that I was moving on when I removed him from my credit cards and car insurance. Been separated is hard, it's been 6 months for me. Stay strong. Sounds like your kids really love and respect you.


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## vn1955 (Jun 30, 2014)

billy baru said:


> vn, I'm so sorry you're going through the same nonsense. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense after so many years of investing in each other. The part that really gets me though is the NC with the kids and her folks. How anyone could be so callous and selfish to cut the people that love her most completely out of her life without as much as a "see ya" is really beyond my comprehension ( and lets me finally see what kind of person she really is).
> 
> You hang tough too vn. Are you looking at R once your H finally gets his head screwed back on the right way?


I am looking to R. Hoping he realizes all that he's losing, but he'll have to be a changed man. Maybe I speak because of the pain and loneliness, but I would like him back. Good luck to you Billy! I'm reading threads each day now so I don't feel so alone.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

angel kate said:


> My husband started to see that I was moving on when I removed him from my credit cards and car insurance. Been separated is hard, it's been 6 months for me. Stay strong. Sounds like your kids really love and respect you.


Hi angel kate, sorry you're going through this too.. it is definitely not easy. 

Yeah, she is aware that I've taken her off of joint cards, and have seperated ourbanking. She doesn't care. It's all about her boyfriend right now. 

Hang in there! 

BB


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If she has a baby while you are legally married, then you are legally the father. That's one thing to be concerned about if you don't get a divorce.


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## "joe" (Aug 19, 2013)

billy baru said:


> When my MIL found out about her daughter's affair, and the abandonment of the family, she immediately ordered me to change the locks because she did not want "that boy" ( the AP) in the house.


i like your MIL. when my w blindsided me and moved in with someone else, my MIL said "we're going to be completely neutral and whatever happens will be for the best." and this is a bishop's wife.



GTdad said:


> I hear often that a man in his 40s or 50s with a personality, paycheck and property is a pretty hot dating commodity.


well i certainly hope that's the case!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Hicks said:


> If she has a baby while you are legally married, then you are legally the father. That's one thing to be concerned about if you don't get a divorce.


The law varies state by state. Always check with a lawyer. In some you need to protest prior to birth. Some allow you to wait for a post birth paternity test.


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## angel kate (Sep 13, 2014)

Hopefully, being in love will make her less interested in fighting you for money and things in the divorce. However if still you find problems then feel free to contact with a moderator, who will resolve this issue.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

angel kate said:


> Hopefully, being in love will make her less interested in fighting you for money and things in the divorce. However if still you find problems then feel free to contact with a moderator, who will resolve this issue.



Like I posted earlier, there's no question that I'll be on the hook for 1/2 of our assets. That's how the courts rule. If she tries for anything more when I do file, it'll be a fight. 

All I know is, when the Karma Bus finally comes around, she is not going to be a happy person.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> The law varies state by state. Always check with a lawyer. In some you need to protest prior to birth. Some allow you to wait for a post birth paternity test.


We're in a state that allows for the post birth paternity test. I truly hope she's not stupid enough to get knocked up. Mid 40's is not a good age to be pregnant.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

A small update...as it were. Things have been calm and level for a few weeks. Potential for drama coming up though.

Found out that her AP got fired a couple of weeks ago ( no longer coworkers). That's gotta put a dent in the booze and party budget...

Gliding at 50k, popping the corn, and waiting to see the train wreck... 

BB


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Your thread reminds me of FishflyDoc


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I am kind of freaking out. 21 years younger? Is she fvcking a kid almost as young as your son?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

That's another one I'll have to check out. I just finished Zillard's and am in the middle of ReGroup's. Eerie how similar they all are. WS's suck.


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I am kind of freaking out. 21 years younger? Is she fvcking a kid almost as young as your son?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's 5 years older. Barf bags are in the seat back in front of you. :lol:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

billy baru said:


> He's 5 years older. Barf bags are in the seat back in front of you. :lol:


You absolutely read my mind! I actually feel nauseous! I really like your bad ass attitude and sense of humor. I wish more people were as grounded as you.

Better days ahead bro.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

Thanks bro. Amazing what observing at 50k, and already knowing that R is never going to be in the cards brings a pretty nice sense of calm..
Life is Good!! And will be better after D.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

billy baru said:


> Thanks bro. Amazing what observing at 50k, and already knowing that R is never going to be in the cards brings a pretty nice sense of calm..
> Life is Good!! And will be better after D.


Amen!&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

You are way tougher than me

be glad you have your money and kids

If I had my income, no legal bills, her gone but my kids - I could be way better grounded and happier too. I'm serious. She did you a favor that way.

She is a piece of work, so sorry.

Like you, how the hell did we sucker in to these women?


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

I don't know about "tougher", LBH.. Maybe " determined" fits better. When we first got married, we agreed that fvcking around on each other was a deal breaker. It still is..

She's checked out and is completely into AP. That's fine. Makes my life much easier without having to deal with some of the stuff that other guys have had to from their WS. I'm very glad for that.

The part that still doesn't make any sense today is the total silent treatment on everyone else from her. Me, I get. I'm yesterday.( to her) But, completely going dark on everyone except AP, his pretty screwed up family ( Mom is in her third or fourth M) and her new work friends? That's the mark of a pretty messed-up person.

How'd we get stuck? Let me know when you find the answer to that one..


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since she abandoned her kids and isn't contributing to their expenses, it looks like that would offset her half of the total assets.

Check out dadsdivorce.com and see if hey have any help for your situation. I hear they are really good for fathers.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

billy baru said:


> That's another one I'll have to check out. I just finished Zillard's and am in the middle of ReGroup's. Eerie how similar they all are. WS's suck.


Classics


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> Since she abandoned her kids and isn't contributing to their expenses, it looks like that would offset her half of the total assets.
> 
> Check out dadsdivorce.com and see if hey have any help for your situation. I hear they are really good for fathers.


My lawyer said that was a possibility, too. I'll do some research.. Thanks!


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