# New here and need help...



## Rap (Oct 21, 2009)

Hi everyone, 
I am really lost at the moment and need help from people who can give an unbiased review.
Heres my story in a nutshell...
I married my husband, who was in the military at the time, after two months of meeting. we were both 22 and it was a whirlwind romance. The beginning seemed a little tough, moving in together and so on but 9 months in he was deployed and instead of me just staying in our apartment he wanted me to stay with his parents...i was totally against this but he begged and pleaded as he said it would make him feel better. My family all live overseas and he didnt want me to go there as well as he was worried about me travelling while he was gone. anyway i survived a gruelling 8 mths with his greek mother and father,,,it was ok...being alone i could do my own thing and basically hibernate...but i was miserable and began to feel resentful for the fact that i felt forced to be there..i like my independence.
anway he came back and got out of the military..now this is where i am struggling. we came back to his parents place, to start from somewhere...his plan is to help his dad with his business, save money and then buy a house. wat is the point of renting wen we could stay here and save and then get a house?? he says..so anyway, we have been here with his parents for almost two years now, yes the economy is to blame a little..but, he still is just working for his dad, which the money goes to us staying here, he has no job, i am studying but for the last year worked my butt off to get nowhere,,now i am fed up with all this, his mother is a b*** and a half to me..i get a knife in the side wen hes not around...he stands up to her occassionally...and im going insane. im constantly crying and depressed i try to make amends with his mom but she blows me off and he is more interested in helping his dads business than getting independent.
long story short,,i cant see myself here for too much longer cos im going nuts and he refuses to see how much being independent is to me..it feels as if i was to stop whining about moving...we would be here forever..im two steps away from leaving..im alone here.,his parents re way too interefering..hes neither here nor there with my feelings about this,,but i know he would absoloutely die if i left..he is very loving towrads me, im just feeling unheard..wen is enough enough??


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

I'm hearing that you have already had this discussion with him a number of times, and nothing is happening. You have a choice to make...you can stay and make your best attempt to stay upbeat/happy and learn to live in a bad situation. (that is most of life, sorry)

Or you could move out, and in with family/friends...and see if he follows you. You may just need a break to think and get perspective on the situation. Circumstances like this can make you feel like you are drowning, but you should know...if you do this...you risk losing him.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

OK, if I am reading this right.....your husband is working for his dad, and what he makes goes towards paying for expences while living with you in-laws. Have you been able to save anything? How much more expensive would it be if you two rented your own place for a while?

It sounds to me like your husband is very family oriented. That is a good trait. That being said, you and your husband are a family unto itself. You need to build your own family, with or without kids. Children to not a family make. The fact that he wants to help his parents is wonderful, but not at the expense of your relationship.

I would talk to him about the situation. Odds are, he won't understand your problem with his mother. You could see if you can get him to put a time limit on how long you two stay there with his parents. 

Moving out and renting may slow your house buying plans, but if this living arrangement is killing your marriage, you wouldn't be looking for a house together anyway.

You two need a place of your own. You both can still help/visit his parents. His mother needs to learn her boundries where you and your marriage are concerned.


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## Ilovemyfeelings (Oct 20, 2009)

This is a risk...no matter what you decide...

If you stay any longer you lose all respect of your mother-law.
If you go you my lose him...

But this is a MARRIAGE...and you must live like a couple NOT with his family...

I do believe in family being together but NOT like this...

You have done this long enough and you know it...and I think you know what you have to do for yourself....

If you loves you ...he will follow but if he doesn't...then it never was a marriage...sorry...

Best of luck...


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