# Tired of Being Stuck!!!



## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

I told my stbxh that I wanted a divorce back in May and here it is almost a year later we're still living together.We agreed to live in the house until it sells which mind you,its not even on the market yet.He is procratinating in getting it done as well as getting rid of stuff as the realtor said,we can't even out it on the market until we de-clutter.The reason why hes not moving along is because I am mainly the sole breadwinner and even with me moving out and agreeing to pay half the mortgage AND I even offered to sign the house over to get out faster, and he still can't afford it and doesn't make any attempt to which I find pathetic at 53 years old.We don't have children ands its a small house with a small mortgage.He did give in and got the divorce papers himself and figured we would do this amicably and HE wanted to be finalized by Easter but meanwhile,I still have not even been served!!I have had 2 consultations with lawyers and think its time that I have to take matters into my own hands because even though we are civil,I am ready to rip my hair out!!He has never been a provider which is the biggest reason for me wanting a divorce along with 20,000 he has run up in debt as a result of lack of working.I have nowhere to go in my state and he has had offers to live elsewhere with the 2 dogs which I am letting him have along with the profits that come with the house if it sells which meanwhile,I am still paying to live there and cooking along with most of the grocery shopping like my soon to be lawyer said,its because he doesn't want to divorce you,I wouldn't either.I am considering giving a documented time limit for me to continue living in that house or he has to find a way to afford it or go live somewhere else.I think I've been maybe,too fair


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you guys are SELLING the house and HE's getting the profit, then WHY are YOU still living there making the mortgage payments? What is in it for you? Let him make the payments HIMSELF; you're just ALLOWING yourself to be USED!

Why haven't YOU moved out (it's not like you're going to lose posession of the house....you're already giving it to him!) and started living in a new place?

Get online TODAY. Find a new place to live. See if you can move in by mid-April. File your OWN divorce papers and quit waiting for HIM to serve YOU. WHY SHOULD HE? You're paying the bills so he's dragging his feet...he doesn't want the gravy train to end!

Not being able to make the mortgage payments will be the impetus he needs to get his butt in gear and declutter the house for immediate sale.

Move on! You have NO kids to tie you to him. Hire a divorce attorney, block your STBXH from ALL access to you (financially, phones, faxes, emails, texts) and let him notify YOUR ATTORNEY if he needs anything settled. You have NO CHILDREN together so there is NO REASON for you to have ANY FURTHER contact with STBXH for any reason over anything.

Move on! You've already WASTED A YEAR of your life for HIS benefit....what the hell has it gotten you?

ETA: Buy the book "Codependent No More" and READ it! Work the questions at the end of EVERY chapter. You will be amazed at what you will learn about YOU and how you can turn things around for yourself. You might also benefit from "Who's Pulling Your Strings".


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Thank-you for responding I will explain a little more.I am letting him walk away with the profits of the house which will be nothing to fight over since we did a re-fi and still owe 70,000 and plans to pay off the credit card(20,000).With the market these days,he'll be lucky if he sells it for 115,000(realtor says we can start at 127,000). The other reason is that he doesn't go after my IRA that my father left me but the lawyer told me he is NOT entitled since neither one of us contributed to it but he could try if he wanted to.He had the nerve to mention alimony which since I work for partially under the table mostly would be difficult to prove and he knows because he has no money whatsoever to fight me its not worth him going after anything and says lawyers are the ones who win in divorce cases.When I told him he wasn't entitled to my IRA,he first reaction was you're going to leave me homeless????Even associates I spoke to say,why should he be entitled to anything since you're the one whos been supporting him but of course we all know that doesn't apply.I wish there was an "anti-mooch' law.I know my other option would be to walk and declare bankruptcy but so trying not to ruin credit in the process but may not have a choice if this continues.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Ugh saw the lawyer again and its always the same thing,sell the sell the house.How can I do it if he doesn't agree to it and procratinates?I really am starting to hate him of I don't already.Ugh I feel like I am in a type of prison.I'm not in a hurry for anything new but would like to at least get out sometimes.Once I complete the paperwork with a "retainer",I can at least file but even if I am divorced under the same roof,what kind of person wants to be with someone who still lives with their ex-spouse.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

roxanne:

Can't you FORCE the sale of the house to receive YOUR 50% of the profits (however meagre that may be!)???

IF you CAN force the sale of the house....DO IT...so YOU can MOVE ON! If you want to give him YOUR 50% profit AFTER the sale, DO IT. If you want to keep your 50% profit, DO IT.

FORCE THE SALE OF THE HOUSE so YOU can get the heck out of there.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Hmmmm I did some research and it may be possible,just wonder why my attorney didn't mention it(trust me I have a good one),I will definately ask.I also explained to him that I am dealing with a emotionally manapulative depressed person who won't admit to it and doesn't take responsibility for any of his faults and I can't help someone who can't help themselves which is a big part of my reason for wanting this divorce.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Just a little update. Little progress as STBX won't sign the agreement. He did draw up his own which the lawyer says is too open ended and allow STBX to possibly sue me down the road. Hopefully he can come up with one where it will protect me as well as him willing to sign otherwise I am f**ked so to speak. As far as forcing a sale of the house goes, the lawyer said I can't due it during the divorce and have to wait until it goes through which really sucks FML!!!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why don't you just move out?


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Because I don't want to ruin credit otherwise it would have been done already, he can't pay the house expenses on his own.He won't get a roommate because of the dogs and that's also the reason why no one in the area will take him in and I have no friends or family to live with here I even thought of re-financing to buy him out but than I would owe full value of the house due to still having a loan on it and that would make me feel like I am still paying for him the rest of my life.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That's not a great reason to stay. Visit a lawyer and protect yourself legally and financially and just move out. That's what they are there for.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

I've been through this with the lawyer. I am basically stuck and would have to pay for 2 residences in this case unfortunately if I did leave and I can't afford that.I even asked him about putting a time limit and he could but legally, it wouldn't mean anything


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry, but these are still excuses. If you wanted out badly enough, you'd be gone. I've been in worse shape than you, and there is always a way.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

To each own I guess. I believe wanting to preserve my credit IS a good enough reason since I would like to be able to purchase a condo instead of being a high paying renter in NY the rest of my life. Even my lawyer said I would still be responsible for the bills if I left


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then you have nothing to complain about, because that is what you chose - your credit rating over being away from him. *shrug*

When it gets bad enough, you'll find a way.


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## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

I don't know how you can stay and complain. I agree with turnera. If it's really that bad, you'd be gone already. You can build your credit again if it even gets to that point. But, you don't have to live in the house to keep your good credit. Just have all the bills sent to your new place.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Note the lawyer said he could also get me for abandonment.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You left kids behind?

That's the only kind of abandonment that matters.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you can't force the sale of the house until AFTER the divorce is finalized, how far along is the divorce? How much longer until it is finalized (per your divorce attorney)?

Still think you should demand YOUR 50% of the profit. I wouldn't pay it to ex-husband; if you don't want/need it, donate it to charity! He's being a big, whiny baby and wasting HOW MUCH of your life dragging this crap out? And *why*? So HE doesn't have to deal with his depression, and his real life, and the reality of having to be alone and pay everything on his own and be a grown-up!

Boo-frickin-hoo.

You can get out and rebuild your Credit Rating, or 
you can stay and rebuild your self-esteem and emotional equilibrium.

You can't do both!


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

I am well aware this, thank-you. Now for an update: I had him served last Friday(the lawyer drew up 2 agreements and wouldn't sign either) right when he was being picked up at our home to the airport, lawyer figured it would be good timing so we wouldn't have to see each other for a week(I was not present) and haven't heard a peep since(coming home any day now). I am dreading it. I don't think he will get a lawyer and the divorce can go through by default in 30 days if he doesn't respond but with no agreement. He is verbally and emotionally abusive which is why I probably stayed this long because I was too scared to leave previous years that is. We'll see what happens next. Also abandonment can already be stated since we haven't had sex in over a year according to NYS


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good for you. Five years from now, when you're free and clear and no longer care about what he does, you'll be surprised you waited so long.


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