# What can I expect? I fear the unknown



## painfulchoice (Sep 2, 2017)

First of all, yes I plan on seeing a counselor, and getting STD tested, but I also want to post here.
I have been married for 21 years and still adore my husband as much as ever. Our kids are 15, 16 and 18. 1 just left for college and I sure do miss him. I found out in 2011 that my DH was chatting on Yahoo, posting masturbation videos, meeting strangers for sex. He said he was sorry he hurt me and it would stop. For the next 2 years despite dismal financial strife that has continued into the next decade and the present, our marriage was better than ever. I didn't take him for granted and felt it was mutual. Better sex, better everything. I would ask him how are we doing, he said great, don't your think so? Then discovered he had at least one Eff Buddy. She was married mother of 3 nearby. Word is everyone thinks she's a wonderful person. Blect. Anyway he apologized, said it was over and wants to be with me. He said I was enough for him. 3 years later I think our marriage is stronger than ever. I am thinking how lucky I am. Guess what? I found out that he has multiple eff buddies, similar profile as the other one, she may still be in the picture, he has a running ad for "strange ***** needed" and I am ready to file. It's going to hurt me terribly, but I have a knot of mistrust, hurt, anger, sadness in my gut that has to go away or I will implode. I am losing myself. Our children and I will be devastated. Holidays around the corner. We both make little income so not any war over assets. Our assets are our children. Already met with attorney, but have not filed yet. I have not dropped the bomb yet because I need to find a job that will allow me to get my 16 year old (special needs) on and off the bus. DH does that now and I wont have a leg to stand on custody wise if he is seen as the primary care giver of the kids. I don't even know what I am asking the forum. I just want someone to say that they have been there and I will survive this, and that I am not in a real marriage. He will bounce back, he's just such a happy go lucky guy, but me, I will be broken, my kids will be broken.

There is so much more going on regarding his extramarital activities, so I left a lot of his habits out, thought that was enough detail to put to ink. 

Thank you for reading this.


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