# I screwed up...



## psynova (May 4, 2015)

Title is terrible but I just need to get this out.

Background:
I'm the cheating husband, been married for 4 years and together with my wife for over 10. Have a 3 year old daughter. I started having an online affair near the beginning of the year and was discovered in the 2nd week of April. Just started MC last week.

I've had a history of lying and selective truth telling (I know this and I'm working on being better about it). I've also had some problems with just opening up in general (also being worked on).

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It's been rough, I'm scared, terrified, and starting to feel combative over the situation. I have by this point told her everything that has happened as I can remember it (I don't have the greatest memory and I'm working with what dates and information my wife was able to acquire from the screenshots). I've purged the OW from my life, given access to my iphone account and all of my online accounts to my wife. 

We've been slowly working through our problems (I've been going through "After the Affair"), but its swung back to where she feels like it just won't work and she wants to leave me.

I was a terrible human being and hurt my wife so severely. When she's hurting like this it is tearing me up inside and I KNOW it is only a fraction of what she is experiencing right now. I'll never truly feel what she is feeling unless she were to do the same to me.

I want to make this work. I want to make our marriage better. I know I devastated her with my selfishness and I will regret my actions to my dying day. 

As I mentioned earlier, I have had an issue with hiding things from my wife. During the previous weekend she had asked me to give details about the cyber affair (what programs, how many videos, what did I see, etc). I had actually forgotten a specific detail (what have I seen in videos with the other woman) when I told her about everything 2 weeks ago, and when she asked over the weekend I just went ahead and told her the new detail that I had just remembered. Of course, magically remembering a detail sounds like complete BS, even when its the truth.

At this point, she doesn't believe a word I say due to yet another new detail cropping up (I can understand why), but I am telling the truth. I'm being as open as possible and I have nothing to hide. I wish I had been less scared, panicky, etc when first caught and just told her everything from the get go, but I didn't. Even with subsequent chances I still was sub-consciously trying to shield her along with avoid more conflict (probably because we were starting to get better and I was scared of it getting worse).

I get that she has no reason to believe me, or trust me. But I have nothing to hide. I want to break down and cry in frustration due to not being able to help the woman that I love. Then again I shouldn't have cheated in the first place.

Is there anything else I can do when she wants nothing to do with me? I feel like giving her space is just making things WORSE, but when I push she just gets more upset.

At this point I don't even know what else to say. 

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I Love You A., I'll never stop loving you, you are beautiful and the greatest woman in the world to me. I'll never stop trying to be a better man to be the kind of person you can trust and love again. A loving husband, a great father to our children, and enjoy every moment together until the end of days.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It takes time to prove that you can now be trusted again. And as you know, very time you are not truthful it sets everything back to day one.

It takes a betrayed spouse 2-5 years to recover. The clock has hardly started on this for you two.

Do you know why you cheated? You have to know this in order to protect from it ever happening again.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

It's good that you've taken responsibility for your betrayal to your wife. IF there is R (reconciliation) in your future, your ownership for the affair will play a crucial role. But also keep in mind that it may take anywhere from 2 to 5 years for your wife to experience any sort of normalcy, and there is no guarantee that she won't throw in the towel because the emotional roller coaster takes its heavy toll on a BS (betrayed spouse) body and soul.

You must be patient because when it comes to infidelity, there is no "getting over it" (rug sweeping) it is something that you have "go through it" in order to finally move on. She controls the timetable of the marital and personal recoveries, not you. So suck it up.

You're lucky that she is even considering R (reconciliation) in light that you inflicted one of the worst and painful things that a human being can inflict upon another. Most of us would tell your wife to dump your sorry a$$ so she can move on and hopefully find someone who will never do what you did to her. But if you are being sincere that you are truly remorseful and that you want to atone for your betrayal, then treat this as a one day at a time process that cannot and should not be rushed.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is your wife here on TAM? If not, invite her.

She needs our support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

psynova said:


> Background:
> I'm the cheating husband, been married for 4 years and together with my wife for over 10. *Have a 3 year old daughter.* I started having an online affair near the beginning of the year and was discovered in the 2nd week of April. Just started MC last week.





psynova said:


> I Love You A., I'll never stop loving you, you are beautiful and the greatest woman in the world to me. I'll never stop trying to be a better man to be the kind of person you can trust and love again. A loving husband, a great father to *our children*, and enjoy every moment together until the end of days.


How many children do you have?


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## psynova (May 4, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Is your wife here on TAM? If not, invite her.
> 
> She needs our support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She isn't on TAM as far as I know, but she is the one that introduced me to the site. I will see if she is willing to join the site.



GusPolinski said:


> How many children do you have?


We just have the one, but we had always had the goal of 2 or 3 children total. I am trying to stay in a positive frame of mind with the hope we can still get there.



EleGirl said:


> It takes time to prove that you can now be trusted again. And as you know, very time you are not truthful it sets everything back to day one.
> 
> It takes a betrayed spouse 2-5 years to recover. The clock has hardly started on this for you two.
> 
> Do you know why you cheated? You have to know this in order to protect from it ever happening again.


I'm making it one of my priorities to always be truthful. If we are to reconcile, I don't think we can afford another reset back to day number one.

In regards to the why of the cheating, I know why it happened. Most of the problem stemmed from my lack luster communication skills and internalizing issues. Not sitting down with her and stating my needs or fully listening to HER needs just created a cycle of not resolving the underlying issues. It's something I am working on fixing.



Dogbert said:


> It's good that you've taken responsibility for your betrayal to your wife. IF there is R (reconciliation) in your future, your ownership for the affair will play a crucial role. But also keep in mind that it may take anywhere from 2 to 5 years for your wife to experience any sort of normalcy, and there is no guarantee that she won't throw in the towel because the emotional roller coaster takes its heavy toll on a BS (betrayed spouse) body and soul.
> 
> You must be patient because when it comes to infidelity, there is no "getting over it" (rug sweeping) it is something that you have "go through it" in order to finally move on. She controls the timetable of the marital and personal recoveries, not you. So suck it up.
> 
> You're lucky that she is even considering R (reconciliation) in light that you inflicted one of the worst and painful things that a human being can inflict upon another. Most of us would tell your wife to dump your sorry a$$ so she can move on and hopefully find someone who will never do what you did to her. But if you are being sincere that you are truly remorseful and that you want to atone for your betrayal, then treat this as a one day at a time process that cannot and should not be rushed.


I hope to god there is a reconciliation. I love this woman more than anything and knowing I caused this kills me inside, and I know I am only experiencing a fraction of the pain I caused to her. I wish there was an easy way to fix this but I know it doesn't work like that. I just hope and pray that we can rebuild what I so carelessly destroyed and make it better than before, whether it takes 1 year or 5.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

psynova,

I say this all to you gently as you are a WS and you may feel as though you are getting beat up. Reality and truth will sting but I hope you stay here to get help through this process if you are offered the gift of reconciliation. Why did you have the affair? This question alone will keep you busy. There really is no good answer to it or even an acceptable answer. You have destroyed you marriage and will need to begin a new marriage while mourning the death of your old marriage. Reconciliation is a process, one that has no short cuts and is the hardest work you will ever do. Before you accept the gift of reconciliation you need to think long and hard about this. 

Many people including myself, have thought they have what it takes to do reconciliation, only to find out how difficult it truly is and don't make it. So think hard and serious if you have what it takes. As for your wife she will be sorting out many emotions, many feelings, and be confused as to what to do or if she can accept and work past this. How bad are your wife's triggers? Can you be vulnerable in a relationship when you have stated you haven't been? Are you capable of change? Are you able to self reflect to see just how hideous your actions have been. Are you capable of showing actions and not saying words? 

As for helping your wife you need to show with actions how sorry you are, how you can change and are you strong enough to earn her trust back. Your wife is feeling scared, hopeless, destroyed, devastated, hurt, and helpless. As advised above you should send your wife here to get advice and help also. Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Her resentment, anger and lack of trust may very well grow instead of fade. It did with me. I tried really, really hard to reconcile with my exww, but I simply could not, and my love withered and eventually died, and I ultimately divorced her. She tried really hard, like you are now, to regain my love and trust. She could not. Some betrayals are simply too profound to recover from. This may be the case for her.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

So it seems that from what you've said, she has reason to question your statements, and your fidelity.

I respect your realization that you screwed up and your desire to keep the marriage together. Can you accept that if there is a reconciliation, it is her gift to give, and no more?

Trust is a fragile commodity, and in some cases, once its broken it won't return. Your wife needs time and actions from you to rebuilt that trust. The marriage you had before is gone, over and dead. You can built a new one, but it is hard and painful which is why so few couples make it to the other side. Are you two in counseling?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You say this was an online affair and that you got caught.

Did you meet the AP in person at any time? How did your BW catch you?

You have to know that your BW may not believe that there was no physical contact. If you didn't meet, was there cybersex?

Also, most BS's feel that their spouses aren't sorry that they had the affair, just sorry they got caught. You sound sorry about the betrayal, but your BW no doubt questions your sincerity.

Read Linda MacDonald's book 'How to help your spouse heal from your affair.' You have an uphill slog, but it could help.


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## psynova (May 4, 2015)

Pluto2 said:


> So it seems that from what you've said, she has reason to question your statements, and your fidelity.
> 
> I respect your realization that you screwed up and your desire to keep the marriage together. Can you accept that if there is a reconciliation, it is her gift to give, and no more?
> 
> Trust is a fragile commodity, and in some cases, once its broken it won't return. Your wife needs time and actions from you to rebuilt that trust. The marriage you had before is gone, over and dead. You can built a new one, but it is hard and painful which is why so few couples make it to the other side. Are you two in counseling?


We just started MC last Friday and have IC this week for her and next week for myself. 

I intellectually know and understand that reconciliation is going to have to start with my wife first. I understand but emotionally (and selfishly), I want to begin the process of reconciliation NOW. It is a hard thing to comes to terms with as I just want to work on making things better.



drifting on said:


> psynova,
> 
> I say this all to you gently as you are a WS and you may feel as though you are getting beat up. Reality and truth will sting but I hope you stay here to get help through this process if you are offered the gift of reconciliation. Why did you have the affair? This question alone will keep you busy. There really is no good answer to it or even an acceptable answer. You have destroyed you marriage and will need to begin a new marriage while mourning the death of your old marriage. Reconciliation is a process, one that has no short cuts and is the hardest work you will ever do. Before you accept the gift of reconciliation you need to think long and hard about this.
> 
> ...


I would like to believe I have the courage and the strength to work through the process towards reconciliation, but I know that I can't truthfully make that judgment as I've never been in a situation like this before.

In the past few weeks since I was caught I have been so much more open and vulnerable with her and I hope that this is a permanent change in how I act. I will forever have this in my mind as a trigger of the terrible choice I made.

The triggers for her are pretty bad as this just all recently occurred. She definately feels hurt, devasted and angry at me for our destroyed marriage. I can't fault her for it, with all the reading I have done about this, it is perfectly natural for her to feel this way.

At the very least I think we will be in IC and MC for a while, working through our individual issues to get to a brighter future, hopefully together.

I just don't know what else I can do to SHOW how sorry I am. I want to stay positive but that would make light of everything that has happened. All I feel like I can do is be open and tell the truth in everything and hide nothing, but is that enough to SHOW her how I feel? I've never been the greatest at that, to my detriment.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You said you were not fully honest with her in the past. And then you remembered a detail after you told her all you could remember. So from her perspective it looks like you are intentionally withholding some facts.

I would suggest you write out as complete a timeline and description of the affair as you can. Take a few days to be sure it is as complete as you can get it. Invite her to write down all questions she has, because those might spur you to remember more details. After you've done that, take a polygraph to prove this is everything you remember.

Then if any new details come to light either from you or from other sources, she will know you did not intentionally hide it from her.


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## psynova (May 4, 2015)

alte Dame said:


> You say this was an online affair and that you got caught.
> 
> Did you meet the AP in person at any time? How did your BW catch you?
> 
> ...


I had left my phone on the table and my wife picked up and started going through it to see what apps I had installed (she was genuinely curious as I'm the tech guy). Then she saw Snapchat and messages from FB (I hadn't deleted anything). Needless to say it was all discovered fairly quickly at that point.

I never met the AP in real life, but there was some cybersex (more showing on my side than hers, from the few times it occurred). Although she was trying to arrange a physical hook up to occur. I was personally having second thoughts by this point and was looking for a way out. I was feeling uncomfortable with the AP calling me pet names that my wife does and was also starting to come to my senses in realising that I had already crossed a huge line. That having a full blown PA would have destroyed any chances at Reconciling. As it is now, what I did may have been enough to prevent reconciling anyways.

She definately questions any words coming out of my mouth, let alone the sincerity or truthfullness of my words. Right now this is one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, issue with her being able to trust me to not hurt her and that I'm not lying or hiding the truth.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

psynova

Please think again about the why part, you couldn't communicate so you cheated. During the time you were cheating you never once thought to tell your wife what you needed. This was an issue that was so difficult for me to accept with my WW affair. It doesn't help that you were caught and didn't end this on your own. Has your wife asked if you would have ended it? You appear to be remorseful and genuine that you are remorseful and sorry but I don't know you to make that statement more accurate. As for supporting your wife and showing actions help her when she appears down. Watch your wife and try to determine just how many times this is on her mind in a day. You might be surprised that it never leaves her mind. 

Being vulnerable is one component to the process you will have to go through. Don't try to push your wife towards reconciliation, this is her decision and hers only. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## psynova (May 4, 2015)

Thor said:


> You said you were not fully honest with her in the past. And then you remembered a detail after you told her all you could remember. So from her perspective it looks like you are intentionally withholding some facts.
> 
> I would suggest you write out as complete a timeline and description of the affair as you can. Take a few days to be sure it is as complete as you can get it. Invite her to write down all questions she has, because those might spur you to remember more details. After you've done that, take a polygraph to prove this is everything you remember.
> 
> Then if any new details come to light either from you or from other sources, she will know you did not intentionally hide it from her.


I've actually sat down with my wife and went over the timeline as best as I could remember. It doesn't help that all things relating to the other person have been purged from my phone (besides screenshots that my wife took as evidence).

I was trying to do the right thing in removing any possible, remote temptation, but it is biting me in the ass as I can't be any more specific about the timeline of it all.



drifting on said:


> psynova
> 
> Please think again about the why part, you couldn't communicate so you cheated. During the time you were cheating you never once thought to tell your wife what you needed. This was an issue that was so difficult for me to accept with my WW affair. It doesn't help that you were caught and didn't end this on your own. Has your wife asked if you would have ended it? You appear to be remorseful and genuine that you are remorseful and sorry but I don't know you to make that statement more accurate. As for supporting your wife and showing actions help her when she appears down. Watch your wife and try to determine just how many times this is on her mind in a day. You might be surprised that it never leaves her mind.
> 
> ...


She has asked me if I would have ended it on my own (as well as the MC has asked me during our shared initial session). In all of those cases, I have honestly told her that I was already having second thoughts and was moving towards completely ending it, but I and the other woman were still on speaking terms at the time.

It all just looks like terrible from the outside looking in and that I am a lying sack of shiet without any of the details to try to defend even a little of my position that I was ending it.

I'm just hoping that giving her space but being available will help.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I can answer the question of why you cheated. You exhibited the behavior of a selfserving narcissist totally lacking empathy. In other words, you acted like a child. As to what you can do, first off stop exhibiting that type of behavior. This will require a fundamental shift in your thought process away from you being priority one and towards your wife and little girl assuming that role. Every thought, every word and every action must now be considered for its impact on them.

Also, you must adopt and implement a policy of COMPLETE honesty, precluding ALL deceit. Anything short of a total truth approach will sabotage your R attempt, if one is allowed by your wife. It is nowhere near enough to come on this board and tout your regret and anguish over what you've done. You must convince your W and bear in mind that you must battle against your own treachery in the form of the character you have recently displayed.

Your W will be highly inclined to question everything you say, making your task of convincing her all the more difficult. This will in no way be easy and you must search your soul and decide if it is truly what you want and if you are willing to commit to it 100%. 99% will not be sufficient and if you cannot commit to 100 then you should let your W move on to someone who will.

If your remorse is genuine, then you have a small chance of success but you must be willing and able to take whatever she doles out as she heals. Only then will she see your contrite heart and possibly allow R. I wish you good fortune.


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## psynova (May 4, 2015)

alte Dame said:


> Read Linda MacDonald's book 'How to help your spouse heal from your affair.' You have an uphill slog, but it could help.


Just read this book and about to go through it again. I wish I had read something like this a long time ago. Thank you for recommending it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If your wife does choose R just be aware it can take years to recover. And that trust once lost can be very difficult to completely get back. 

I found R to be far more difficult than D so more patience than you can imagine will be required from you. There is a lot of "two steps forward and one step back" so progress can be slow. And discouraging. 

Above all -- don't push her. She has to do this in her time and not yours. And never forget that R can fail at any time -- years later. An initial decision to R is not a guarantee it will work. 

R is a very hard road. But if she gives you that gift, don't mess it up again. Most of us who choose R will forgive once but rarely forgive a second time. Don't give her a second reason not to choose you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

If the R is to work, I'm afraid you have to do the hard work as you got the marriage into the current mess through your selfishness. You have to find out what made you cross that line in the first place? Boredom, lack of attention, the thrill, etc. You knew when you started doing it the consequences of getting caught so now you live with it. You must do everything in your power to rebuild the trust in your marriage, this is not all about you (you sound a little self centred atm tbh) it is about whether your wife wants you or not. 
You should read the following link from Affaircare to understand this from your wife's perspective.
I hope it works out for you provided you spend the rest of your life making this right with your family

Understanding Your Loyal Spouse | AFFAIRCARE


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Hi psynova, 

I'm  but yep, that's a link to my site there--I'm the Affaircare lady and I've been here at TAM for like five years now. And I want to give you a little encouragement and hopefully some help, because I've been in your shoes: I am a former Disloyal Spouse just like you. I'm really glad to see the responses you've gotten here; there was a day when TAM was not a very safe place for Disloyal Spouses. In your instance, we can't tell yet if you are sincere or just sorry you got caught, but for the time being people have really given you some good advice and been minimizing the name calling and put downs--so YAY! 

The first thing I'd point out to you is that if you are sincere, LISTEN to what you're being told here. Don't argue and don't say "Yeah but..." When you're tempted to do that, just remember that arguing and justifying and "yeah butting" got you where you are today and you say you want to be different. So in order to BE different, you have to DO different things...not the same. Okay? EVERY post--read it through. Ask yourself if it is POSSIBLE that maybe that's how it is. Look at your own self and see if it applies. If you think it doesn't, don't just dismiss it, but check again and see if that's what it LOOKS LIKE to others or to your wife. Got it?

The second thing I'd point out is that when you say something like: "It's something I am working on fixing" what that sounds like is *"Well....I'll 'try' but I might not be able to so I can't help myself...."* One of the biggest issues your wife is going to have right now is that you destroyed her world, and now you're following that up with "I'll 'work on it' but I might now be able to guarantee that i won't destroy your world again." She wants something SOLID as a foundation under her feet!! She thought what you and her had was special. She thought "affairs" happened to other people, not you two. She thought she was safe depending on you to love only her, and she wasn't safe! You demonstrated that with actions, and now your reinforcing with words like "I'll try." 










So one thing you may be able to do is to stop *****-footing around and either commit to making the changes necessary no matter how scary--or commit to not being willing to face the fear. "Trying" is not a solid foundation she can rebuild on. 

Third, I would say that right now I get the feeling that this is all about you and how YOU feel scared she may leave, and how YOU wish you could make it all better right now, and how YOU want her to believe you even though you weren't honest with her for a long time. So from this point forward you have a very distinct assignment: every single time you write "I want" or think about what YOU, I want you to stop yourself RIGHT THERE and tell yourself, "This isn't about me right now. This is about HER and I need to concern myself with what SHE wants and what SHE thinks and what SHE feels. I choose to think about HER." This is to practice taking your own focus off of "what's in it for me" and putting it where it belongs: getting to know your wife inside and out so you know exactly how to treat her in a loving way. Instead of being self-centered, become self-aware but choosing to love the one to whom you made a commitment!

Fourth, let me correct your thinking a little psynova. The minute you showed any other woman your junk and flirted and suggested cybersex, *YOU* are the one who gave away to someone else what was exclusively hers. Through your actions you did not protect HER and the marriage you had was blown apart by YOU. In that minute YOU divorced your wife and the marriage you had in the past died, just as surely as a man having a sudden cardiac event just drops dead. 

I need you to wrap your head around this, because I think a part of your head is kind of thinking: "I just want to get it back like it was. I want it to be like it used to be, and I want her to love me like she used to" as if her decision to leave might be "her fault." It is extremely necessary for you to understand that your ACTIONS effected an immediate death to your marriage the way it was. It dropped dead. And if she chooses to say "Yeah, I don't have it in my to try to do CPR to this dead body" it wasn't her that killed it. So often Disloyal Spouses have this image in their mind that they deserve a second chance, and they don't. Let me say that again: YOU DO NOT DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE. The quicker you can wrap your mind around that, the quicker there may be a chance, because you'd be admitting to yourself that if you received what you deserved, you'd be out on the curb right now, paying alimony and child support to your wife while you saw your daughter every other weekend and on Wednesdays for dinner. THAT is what YOUR ACTIONS deserve!!

Once you begin to accept that truth, you can begin to realize the magnitude of what a GIGANTIC GIFT it would be if your wife were to decide to try to do CPR on the dead body. And you would begin to realize that if there was a new life, it would not be life "like it was"--it was be something entirely different, starting from scratch. I guarantee you that she will never, ever have that naive, complete trust again, and in many ways that is okay; it is reasonable for spouses to "be in each others' lives." I guarantee she will never fully depend on you again or feel like she can trust you'll never just walk out on her if she gets too comfortable. Again, that can be a good thing because it keeps you two on your toes and always working at your marriage. But see what I mean? It will NEVER BE THE SAME. 

So I would say start there. Start with "There is no try, only DO" and start with reaching acceptance with the idea that if you got what you deserved, you'd be divorced and out of your wife's life forever right now--and have half time or less with your child. Accept that your marriage "the way it was" is dead. Really take time to deal with that and admit it to yourself--not just "yeah yeah I agree I get that but what now...." but really take time to think about it. Your actions KILLED your marriage.

Then, have some hope because if your wife does extend you the gift, your ACTIONS can rebuild a new marriage. It will take time--a long, long, long time. For many, many months my Dear Hubby saw every single thing I did or said or wrote online. He had full view of my screen all day long and at the end of the day he checked my email, my history and my cell. He still can but chooses not to look as often. But that's because I took years and INCLUDED him in my every thought. INCLUDE your wife in your life, your thoughts, your feelings, your decisions...everything. And tell her a zillion times that you are sorry and you will spend your life demonstrating to her that she was not mistaken in giving you an opportunity.


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## South Stand (Dec 17, 2014)

From the perspective of a BS I can provide a couple things to think about.

1) You are lucky to have each day your wife has not left you. Do not forget that ever and make it the first thing you think about every day. 
2) The affair did not happen suddenly. The events prior and during did not happen over night. It will not come un-done over night. 
3) The most powerful thing I have read on this site so far is the following post. In particular the parts about remorse and dealing with triggers. This alone will not fix what's happened, but if you don't deal with this in the correct way your BS will know.....
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Being here is a good start, but is only a start and one step in what may be a long journey.


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

I'm sorry about the pain you're going through now. You do sound very remorseful. I also had a long term cyber affair which I revealed to my husband about a month ago. I know the shame you must feel.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Brigit said:


> I'm sorry about the pain you're going through now. You do sound very remorseful. I also had a long term cyber affair which I revealed to my husband about a month ago. I know the shame you must feel.


Being remorseful is a key component in the process of reconciliation. But there is a huge difference in you and the OP, you confessed and he was caught. The BS will always wonder if the WS would have ended the affair on their own. The BS will wonder if WS is sorry for getting caught or sorry for the affair. OP has a long hard road ahead of him if his WS offers him reconciliation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

drifting on said:


> Being remorseful is a key component in the process of reconciliation. But there is a huge difference in you and the OP, you confessed and he was caught. The BS will always wonder if the WS would have ended the affair on their own. The BS will wonder if WS is sorry for getting caught or sorry for the affair. OP has a long hard road ahead of him if his WS offers him reconciliation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's true. I confessed because I wanted to. Only the OP knows if he feels guilt over the Cyber affair. My guess is he really does feel guilty.


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