# Need some advice!



## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

..


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It’s ok.... vent away. Your obviously frustrated. I think your going to regret staying with him. The bottom line is you sound like a adult and he sounds like a child. You already know your falling out of love with him. For the love of god do not get pregnant!!


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> It’s ok.... vent away. Your obviously frustrated. I think your going to regret staying with him. The bottom line is you sound like a adult and he sounds like a child. You already know your falling out of love with him. For the love of god do not get pregnant!!


I need more alone and mental time to myself. We are definitely not on the same pages in life with things anymore. I enjoy my peace and quiet away from not having to entertain him like a child.

Even on a workday, while I’m working from home. He doesn’t take my job serious, he wants to sit around my work area and talk & talk but gets mad when I have to shoo him away. Then on my lunch, he expects me to call him and burn up my whole hour just holding the phone, and again after work. He’s always been jealous of my regular normal American working hours. His schedule is late in the afternoon and he gets off at midnight and always complain about not having any free time to do anything! It’s much more to my story. But I can’t make him grow up and be a man! I tried helping, giving advice and getting into argument fights.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

libragal said:


> (I do not have joint credit with him).


Excellent. Don't get into any. Go see a lawyer. You don't have to start any action, just get advice about how your locale treats financial obligations incurred during, before the marriage. I'm afraid you may get an ugly surprise - that your hard-earned savings may be divided with him as you exit the marriage.

Don't make any big deals together with him, especially not children. Don't buy any houses, do what you need to do in order to protect yourself from your lazy-ass husband in your upcoming divorce. Keep your assets for yourself, to the extent possible.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Look, you are not being a good spouse if you don't tell your partner how you feel. That part is on you. When every I hear about these walk away spouses, it's just not fair to at least give your spouse a chance to fix it. No one should be blindsided. Tell exactly what you wrote here, see if he grows up, then if he doesn't - life is short.

All that said I reserve it for one question, who cheated?


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Look, you are not being a good spouse if you don't tell your partner how you feel. That part is on you. When every I hear about these walk away spouses, it's just not fair to at least give your spouse a chance to fix it. No one should be blindsided. Tell exactly what you wrote here, see if he grows up, then if he doesn't - life is short.
> 
> All that said I reserve it for one question, who cheated?


 He was the one who did the cheating.


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

Thank you all for your input. I wanted to hear your opinions on here before hashing it out with this man.
Also, another issue.. when I do try to have mature conversations, he acts like a little child when you speak the truth and turns the conversation and blames me for everything.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

libragal said:


> He was the one who did the cheating.


Has it ever really been addressed, or just "moved past"?


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## Emily Bronte (Mar 21, 2021)

Dear girl, I'm having similar issues with my husband. I am in two minds as to what to do with / about him. And it's my second marriage. However, one thing I definitely know is - if you feel like you are riding a dead horse, get off it! Life is too short an adventure to spend it like a slave.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The HeadMates voted.

You should divorce this man.

Take your time, find a better one.

Some 45-50 % of marriages lead to divorce. Sadly, add yours to the list 

Life is short, youth is fleeting.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

libragal said:


> He was the one who did the cheating.


That was your first clue.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

libragal said:


> He was the one who did the cheating.


OK with that knowledge I got to ask, what does this guy add to your life? At this point I don't even think you need to talk to him. He sounds toxic.


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

sokillme said:


> OK with that knowledge I got to ask, what does this guy add to your life? At this point I don't even think you need to talk to him. He sounds toxic.


I do feel like we have came to a dead end in this relationship. I just need him only for the benefits. I hate to say that, but it's the truth. I want us to work, I truly do, but we have have two separate meanings of life. I'm tired of talking and trying to work things out. Nothing has changed within the last several years. At this age in life, he has nothing going for himself. He owned a business on top of a full-job that didn't generate us any income which was a waste of time & energy. He still holds on to the what-if's and I could be making-that stories with the business he had.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think that when you say you are together because he pays half the bills, that isn't completely true. 
It is your truth and that is fair, but an outsider would say that you are staying together out of HABIT. You are now hearing all the other long term members laughing at me, because that is my relationship. I was asked like you have been asked, "What does your spouse bring into the relationship?" I thought for some time and had to admit that she gets great health insurance. Can you imagine? No, you are too young, people staying together out of convenience.

OK something helpful. You mentioned that while he expects praise and reward for everything you haven't been thanked in memory. I've got to share with you, that my wife shook my world this morning by sincerely thanking me for sex. I don't remember that ever happening. (granted we've been together 33 years and the memory ain't what it used to be) It feels so good to be thanked. 
If there was one bit of advice I could pass on to your partner, it would be to give you that experience way more often. 

Just a bit of Math. OP and alleged man child have been together 15 years and are in early thirties. That means that they got together before they were 20. The odds are that they are the only partners either one of them has ever had (except the cheating). Also early thirties and no children is a great place to start from. I think that is part of why we are so quick to say Divorce ASAP. The only detracting feature is that OP would be launching into a new relationship without much experience.


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