# Help please



## upsidedownworld (Dec 13, 2013)

Hey all,

I really need some help. My story is the same as many on here. STBXW wanted a divorce, tried to work on our marriage but that failed. Now she is dating someone else and my kids B10, D8 just found out that mom's "friend" is really her boyfriend. She brought him around the kids about a month ago and introduced him as a friend even though he was more than just a friend at this time, but my kids took her word and I didn't say anything to protect them. Fast forward to Saturday and they found out the truth. My Daughter started crying and my son was shocked to say the least. I had to do a lot of damage control and handled it the best I could. I didn't lie to them but, I wasn't as truthful as I could have been.

Now since it's out in the open, that mom has a boyfriend, she wants to set up meetings with this other guy and his kids with her and our kids. I think it's way to soon for this. They have only been dating 2 months and her and I are not divorced yet. We are separated and I am living with my parents but the divorce hasen't been finalized.

So can I stop any of this? I have tried to reason with her that she is hurting our kids but she see's nothing wrong with them meeting him. Any help would be much appreciated.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wow. 

I sat here and read this... flabbergasted that a mother would do that. And then it dawned on me that my exH did pretty much the same thing to me about 18 months ago. Luckily for me, his new GF turned out to be very normal, and things were fine. 

However, I agree that it is WAY too soon for your wife to be insisting on being around his children. It is not like before, where there was nothing more for the children to consider than it being a playdate. Now who that man and his kids are to YOUR kids, could be totally different. That is WRONG! 

Sadly, I know in CA that unless it is something stipulated in the divorce, you can't limit the interaction the kid's have with him or his kids. I do know of a couple that did just that - put in the divorce that their children would not be introduced to anyone until they had been dating 6 months. Even though it was not something my exH and I came to an agreement on, I have followed this timeframe. Subsequently, no man I have dated has been introduced to my son.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Move back into the house immediately. Expose her affair to everyone that you know, everyone that she knows, and everyone OM knows. This includes church, neighbors, social groups, friends, family, and extended family. Consider filing for aole custody of the children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I have it stipulated in my Separation Agreement that my D16 will not meet or stay over at POSOM's house unless she chooses. Your children are younger and I'm not sure where you are located. In Virginia, it's a fault state. I had/have all the leverage. Get legal help is the bottom line. Then you can follow the rest of the advice you'll get on here.


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

upsidedownworld said:


> She brought him around the kids about a month ago and introduced him as a friend even though he was more than just a friend at this time, but my kids took her word and I didn't say anything to protect *them*.


(1) Were you protecting the children or were you protecting her?

(2) Anticipating the answer to question (1), if you're not OK with it, why did you protect her?

If you want to protect your children, you need to set the tone.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Talk to
A lawyer and see if there is some kind of moral clause the will prevent this.

Talk to a kid shrink and have them give you something that you can give to a court that will prevent this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude the % of a mothers boy friend phucking with the daughter is huge.

At the very least contact the OM's ex wife and discuss this with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Really have your lawyer get the contact info for the mother of the OM kids.

Your nuts if you dont google the OM right now and get a back round check.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## upsidedownworld (Dec 13, 2013)

Well I got an e-mail this morning from the STBXW that she went through with the dinner with my kids and the OM and his kids. We had a long discussion Monday about her waiting until the divorce is final and our kids had time to really realize that mom and dad were really done with our marriage. She even sent me a thing she found on a website that reinforced everything I was saying to her but, she did it anyways.

She told me that since our kids met him once before that it was alright and because the OM kids were going through the same situation as our kids. What a bunch of BS.

I replied with an e-mail saying I lost all faith and confidence in her as the mother of my kids. I told her she disrespected me and my wishes as their father. I told her she has used poor judgement in everything she has done with this new relationship and our kids.

Unfortunately there is nothing I can do because I live in a no fault state. Unless I can prove something bad is happening with the kids I can't do anything about it. I just can't understand her way of thinking right now.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I would do a back ground check on this man ASAP. Hire a pro. 
Get your kids into counseling.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Do they have a good counselor at their school? Alert the counselor and ask them to talk to them. See if they have a support group for kids whose parents aren't together.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

File for full custody. Your stbxw is a horrible mother.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Why aren't you living in your own home? Were you forced out due to court or did you leave on your own?

If you want to have an influence in your kids lives, you need to be there. If there is no paperwork, move back into your home and be Dad! If your stbx wants to go out, fine, leave the kids and she can go.

And forget the morality clause, there is no way to enforce it anyway.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

the guy said:


> Dude the % of a mothers boy friend phucking with the daughter is huge.
> 
> *At the very least contact the OM's ex wife and discuss this with her.*


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

File for emergency custody of the child if you deem necessary. As suggested above, find out what you can about the OM. Your STBXW is SELFISH. The least she could do is be considerate of the feelings of her children. Does she not realize what harm she could be imposing on her children? Expecting them to except her new relationship not even with a couple months of separating from their father is way out of line.


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