# Need a male's perspective



## Lostnlife (Jul 31, 2015)

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. The last 4 years have been hard, but this last year has by far been the worst. He has a very high sex drive and mine hasn't always been good, but in the last few years it's been lower than normal. Sex is very important to him and I believe he bases our entire marriage on it. He used to be very sweet, loving, kind and patient. But now he is someone I don't recognize. He says really cruel things to me, and has really started trying to control me entirely. If I leave the house without him or the kids, when I return, I'm accused of cheating. (which I'm not) our marriage is on its last leg. He bullied me into having sex and I do it bc he says he will be nice, but within 24-48 hours later, he's verbally abusive again. I haven't had sex with him in a month now. I don't want to be forced to have sex for his needs and be put down by him all the time too. So I told him, I need him to acknowledge that the things he says are mean and that he will make an effort to stop. He denies ever saying anything cruel and just continues to knock me down.....I don't want a divorce, I just want my sweet husband back, any advice????


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

How long have you been refusing him? When did refusal become the default?
Have you ever used sex to manipulate his behavior?
Is he drinking regularly?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You guys have a lot going on here.
#1 sex is the glue.
#2 it sounds like he is projecting...he is getting laid, just not by you (sorry).
#3 the resentment between the both of you is off the charts.
#4 he is abusive
You guys gotta start meeting each other needs, but right now he has a 3rd party infecting the marriage IMHO. I mean just like sex can hold the marriage together...equally resentment can tear it apart. Lot of resentment going on here with the both of you.

My suggestion is prepare your self, ready your self to lose this marriage if you want to save it. You have to have the confidence to let this marriage go so you can save it.

As counter productive as this may sound it is true.

Face it....you don't want to make love to an unattractive man and I'm guessing your old man found some one else! open up this can of worms and see if the both of you can fix this shyt.

Go get some help and learn the tools to find the attraction you both had when you met.



I'm guessing your old man will be hard to sell ...since he might be trying to replace you. 

For whats it's worth ...you are not the only one filled with resentment, both of you need to raise your attraction level for each other. Again the both of you have a lot of shyt on your plate to even get there, so please find a professional to teach you guys the tools so you both can get that attraction back .....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lostnlife ,

I went back and read your other thread. Boy did you leave out details here.

Your husband is extremely abusive and controlling. No women would want to have sex with a guy who treats her like your husband treats you. You support him financially, do all the house work, etc. and he abuses you.

"So I worked all day and sometimes night, came home to an extremely messy house and accusations of being unfaithful. Before I knew it, we had a major fight....he is putting holes in walls, destroying furniture, ripping off curtains and saying ugly and nasty things to me...."

You need to build a support system and get out of there. You and your children are in a horrible situation.

For those who want "the rest of the story"...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/281650-i-woke-up-stranger.html


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Time to toss this fish back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
what is good about him?


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