# Compliments to Middle-Aged Ladies



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Do compliments from men mean more to middle-aged or older women? Recently my wife seems to be very enamored if some guy (especially younger guys) throws a compliment her way, like saying she's gorgeous/cute/beautiful.

I suppose it is expected that your husband thinks fondly of you and says so (I do). And as a younger woman it is no surprise that the boys pay you compliments to talk you up for a kiss or more. But if you have reached a certain age and the physical appearance starts to wane (wrinkles, grey hair, extra pounds around the middle, etc), is it more of a boost to your ego if you hear these words spoken? Or is this more important to a lady who really depended on her looks when she was younger or receives her sense of self-value from the men in her world?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

As we get older, the appreciative looks and comments grow ever measlier. Sigh....

So, it's naturally nice to have someone compliment you. It's best when it's your husband, in my opinion.

Today when my H and I were out on our deck, my H said out of the blue, 'You're a beautiful woman.' I know at my age that that isn't something I would naturally hear, so I had to believe that he meant it. And even if he was just trying to be nice, it is very gratifying.

Yes, I think as a woman gets older it's more important to hear these things.


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

I think another reason it can mean more to the older (ish) woman is because it seems when you reach a certain age, it seems people don't SEE you anymore. When someone compliments you, that means that they were actually SEEING you as an individual, not just someone's mom, grandma, wife..whatever.

My husband also compliments me regularly, he's quite attentive, but it means a lot to me when I know he is SEEING me and likes what he sees, not just tossing off the offhand compliment (but I like those too)

As you get older you get used to being seen as "the mom" by everyone, it can start to become how you see yourself as well, if you don't pay attention. I love being "the mom", but there is way more to me than that:wink2:


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

My wife used to think that I just wanted something or loved her how she was. She recently lost weight and she is hot. She was beautiful before but damn. I think she is beginning to believe me now, I sure mean it when I tell her.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Ask your wife why that is important to her.

My husband's words hold far more weight because he knows and sees it all with me. And while I can be vain, his admiration for qualities other than my appearance are more significant. Although the appearance compliments are welcomed too. 

Comments of my appearance from strangers takes me by surprise and usually just met with a laugh and shrug.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Who you calling middle aged?

Recently my DD told me I was middle aged. WTF? She explained that since our lifespan is around 72, then, at 45 I am middle aged. :frown2:

I consider myself a woman in my prime. 

I no longer need people to validate who I am. I know myself.

However, when my H tells me I look pretty or I am hot. I smile for days afterwards. This middle aged woman still got it...:laugh:

I smile and say thank you to stranger's comments but I don't care for it or want it. And it feels weird when young men notice me. Gosh, that could be my son. Nasty.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

She used to be a professional model in her late teens and early 20s, so maybe it is a big adjustment from having people idolize you and tell you how great you look all the time to the occasional compliment.

She also has a bubbly and gregarious personality, even with new people she meets. Several times in the past, men (mostly younger men) and some women have mistaken that vigor for interest, and thought it was personally directed at them. They would respond with flowing compliments hoping to get somewhere. They were not aware that she acts like this with everyone she meets, and she laughs at the thought of interest in them romantically.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I think women are used to being looked at. They grow tired of it until it does not happen anymore.
A woman in her seventies who used to work at our company told me, "do you know when you know you're old? When men stop looking at you." For this particular women, who used to be a knockout, it was very depressing for her. At one point in your life men drool all over you and then all of it stops. That must be very difficult to take. 

I used to be a looker myself. The older I get, the less looks I get from the opposite sex. Hell, I used to be chased around by gay guys when I was in my teens. My father used to beat them off of me. (for real) In my 50's the looks are few and far between. However, the other day I was in a bar at a reunion and this gay guy asks if he can take a picture with me. I was flattered and posed with a big smile on my face 

If it's hard for a man, it must be doubly hard for women, because lets face it, woman are much more beautiful than men. IMO.

My wife and I always tell each other when we get hit on. She is 50 and always seems to get hit on by guys in their 70's. Even when they are 70, my wife seems to appreciate it. She's still waiting for a younger guy to look, but for some reason she attracts the old rich guys who want to buy her cars. She actually had an old guy stop her in a parking lot and asked "let's go buy a car together."


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I just assume they are lying. Or, when I am feeling generous, that they are trying to be nice.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

always_alone said:


> I just assume they are lying. Or, when I am feeling generous, that they are trying to be nice.




I agree, especially if it's a younger man. 

It's more believable if it's someone around my age or older.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> Do compliments from men mean more to middle-aged or older women? Recently my wife seems to be very enamored if some guy (especially younger guys) throws a compliment her way, like saying she's gorgeous/cute/beautiful.
> 
> I suppose it is expected that your husband thinks fondly of you and says so (I do). And as a younger woman it is no surprise that the boys pay you compliments to talk you up for a kiss or more. But if you have reached a certain age and the physical appearance starts to wane (wrinkles, grey hair, extra pounds around the middle, etc), is it more of a boost to your ego if you hear these words spoken? Or is this more important to a lady who really depended on her looks when she was younger or receives her sense of self-value from the men in her world?


Well, I think it's more unusual so you notice it more, and are more flattered by it. When you're young, it's just a part of life, so much so that it can be intrusive where you feel every man out there is wanting to pounce on you.

But once you're middle aged, it just does not happen. I'm 50 and the other day a car full of young men drove by me and did a cat call at me. I was so surprised and amused I texted a friend.

But I would say that when my husband tells me I look good and I can tell he really means it, that is the best compliment because I love the idea that he is proud to be seen with me. If another male, knowing I'm married, went on much more than saying "wow you look great tonight!" I would probably get uncomfortable and think he was being inappropriate. (Depending on his personality, some men are just more openly complimentary to all women than others.) But my point is, as we get older and wear wedding rings, the compliments dry up, so we notice them more. (I don't necessarily find them more _believable_, but definitely more noteworthy.)


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I got a physical a couple hours ago....for a new job I'm taking.. this young male nurse calls my name & leads me to the room... on the way he says to me (must have read over my chart)..."you sure don't look like you have 6 kids"... I said "Thank you!"... Maybe he's just a friendly guy who likes to butter up the ladies or maybe he just thought I still had it going on.. and really was surprised I could be this old.. 

I really don't know.. 

But still it was a compliment... and yeah.. I ENJOYED hearing it... I'm not someone who buys fancy new clothes or exercises every day.. but I still try to look my best.. it makes ME feel good about myself.. 

What @NWCooper said ...


> I think another reason it can mean more to the older (ish) woman is because it seems when you reach a certain age, it seems people don't SEE you anymore. When someone compliments you, that means that they were actually SEEING you as an individual, not just someone's mom, grandma, wife..whatever.


Yes...* THIS ^^ * I'm not a Grandma yet.. but I sure could be at my age.. I look back a lot to my youth / our youth.... I think we had the world at our feet.. 

I've never been one to enjoy* THE IDEA of getting older*.. I feel great.. but the looks, they are waning -I can see it in myself & husband....so when either one of us gets a compliment -like that.. We appreciate the gesture.. . so Yeah..


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

It does mean more to me as I get older. It's nice to still turn heads at my age, I'm like Woo Hoo I still got it!!! LOL! It's just a little ego boost. However, nothing means more to me than a genuine compliment from hubby. While an appreciative glance from a stranger makes me happy, I don't like it at all when men I don't know approach me.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Sometimes it's just banter. Not meant to be taken seriously.

There were workmen out where I work. I was busy getting on with my work, one of them was fixing something nearby. He would have been late 40s, early 50s. He said 'Don't mind me...' I looked over. Expected him to say something about what he was fixing. Instead he smiled and said '...I'm just pretending to fix this so that I can keep looking at you.' We both laughed. I told him not to be cheeky. Then carried on with what I was doing. I'm no model of beauty by any means. Sometimes it's just banter.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

My wife was complaining earlier today that she can't seem to get her ebay purchasers to give her feedback. She said she just can't get up to 10 (which is how many recent positive feedbacks you need for some status).

I said "You've always been a 10 to me, darling". :grin2:


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Is it common for the middle-aged ladies to perhaps wear something a little bit revealing or tighter just to see if it garners a response?


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Deleted


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

BTW, middle-aged for ladies in the US, UK, and Canada (based on life expectancy at birth) is 40 for US/UK and 42 for Canada.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> Is it common for the middle-aged ladies to perhaps wear something a little bit revealing or tighter just to see if it garners a response?


It really depends on what circles you run in whether it's common or not. As a woman, I like to dress attractive but not revealing. If I'm going out alone with my husband I would dress sexier for sure. There is a fine line between revealing and trashy in my opinion. However, I feel like it is very difficult for women who have been getting attention for their looks their whole lives when their looks decline. As a parent of a teenage girl who is indeed a knockout, I find it important to make sure not to make a lot of comments on her looks. There is sooo much more to a person than exterior beauty and realizing that starts young.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MAJDEATH said:


> Is it common for the middle-aged ladies to perhaps wear something a little bit revealing or tighter just to see if it garners a response?


Only around my Husband. .that's for his eyes only.. if I did dress like this.. well he's said to me "You're not going out like that , are you?".. I might say.. "How long have you known me.. are you crazy.. of course NOT [email protected]#" 

He's replied how that would cause too much attention.. When I see how some of these women dress in Hollywood.. (I guess this shows my age)... Like this...

.. I shake my head... Oh I'll be looking at that wide crack between her boobs too.. 

Now the 1st dress & the 3rd show more "class" in my opinion.. Hey I like Jlo ...she is a great singer & all.. but really what is the culture coming to...will the slit be making to her pubic hair next... always pushing those boundaries... 


We're already here.. 


I feel a woman looks better if she is not revealing so much.. unless again.. it's an intimacy sexy situation between 2 lovers.. then she should go ALL OUT ...don't hold back.. give him a lap dance while you're at it !!!


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Deleted


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> Is it common for the middle-aged ladies to perhaps wear something a little bit revealing or tighter just to see if it garners a response?


My wife does that to great extent for work .: she works hard to stay a size 4 and she might as well put it to good use. Not trashy, just tasteful shorter length skirt, a good fitting silk blouse, high heels.. 

For civilian use she has no problem wearing leggings as pants along with a good form fitting sweater. She even wears those to work, more dignified tho.

She still looks good nearing 57... Most people think she's 40's. Good Asian genes I suppose.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> As we get older, the appreciative looks and comments grow ever measlier. Sigh....
> 
> So, it's naturally nice to have someone compliment you. It's best when it's your husband, in my opinion.
> 
> ...


Believe me, many older women are great looking! 

Of course I'm using the OP's definition of "older woman". For me and older woman is somebody over 85.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

NWCooper said:


> I think another reason it can mean more to the older (ish) woman is because it seems when you reach a certain age, it seems people don't SEE you anymore. When someone compliments you, that means that they were actually SEEING you as an individual, not just someone's mom, grandma, wife..whatever.
> 
> My husband also compliments me regularly, he's quite attentive, but it means a lot to me when I know he is SEEING me and likes what he sees, not just tossing off the offhand compliment (but I like those too)
> 
> As you get older you get used to being seen as "the mom" by everyone, it can start to become how you see yourself as well, if you don't pay attention. I love being "the mom", but there is way more to me than that:wink2:


Think young. You can even do that from a wheel chair.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

brooklynAnn said:


> Who you calling middle aged?
> 
> Recently my DD told me I was middle aged. WTF? She explained that since our lifespan is around 72, then, at 45 I am middle aged. :frown2:


Social Security, which is quite conservative, says that a woman your age can expect to live to be 85. And since life expectancy is going up, (mine is for a bit over seven more years) you can probably expect even more.

So take good care of yourself, you've got a good way to go yet!

PS: Being from or in Brooklyn helps (Fort Greene here).


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I think it probably happens less often as one ages, as they're less likely to be perceived in a sexual way. As someone said in one of the early replies, one is often viewed as wife, mother, grandmother, etc. and there's something of a stigma attached, perhaps, to telling someone they're beautiful/attractive/sexy/whatever when that's the way they're viewed.

Personally, I've always found women older than me attractive, even when I was in my teens. A 10 year age difference seems to be my sweet spot. I wouldn't say I have "a thing" for older women, as I've actually never even dated someone older than me in my life!

On the flip side, I find I look old. I'm 40. In reality, I look 40. When I look at myself, I think I look older. The grey hair is slowly coming in, my face is starting to look a bit weathered (I'm outside a lot), and all the aches and pains seem to stick around longer than they used to. Nowadays, the only attention I seem to get from women are from ones older than me.

So if a 30 or 35 year old woman was to say something positive to me, I'd be over the moon!


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I think one of the more popular practices when ladies of a certain age are feeling down about their looks, is to dress nicely and walk past some construction workers on a job site in the city. Seems to be the place where the cat calls are guaranteed to boost the ego.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I was never comfortable with male attention in my teens and 20's. I actively discouraged it unless I was with family or another male I trusted. I learned to ignore it and to never acknowledge it and I looked the other way. In my 40's I started to notice it and I wasn't as uncomfortable as I had always been before. I started to actually get a kick out it. 

I'll never forget the day I was walking with my middle daughter and heard some cat calls from a passing car and realized it was directed at her. I laughed at myself and shared with her the importance of that moment in time when you realize you've handed the torch to your daughter. She didn't believe the cat calls were for her.

Now, I totally enjoy being leered at. I wish I had this confidence when I was younger but I'm grateful that I finally developed it. Since I intentionally never noticed it in my younger days, I'm noticing it more now? 

With younger men...I'm flattered, but find it a little creepy. As I tell my daughters, why would I want a pup when I could have the sire?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> I think one of the more popular practices when ladies of a certain age are feeling down about their looks, is to dress nicely and walk past some construction workers on a job site in the city. Seems to be the place where the cat calls are guaranteed to boost the ego.


No no no no! We go to Home Depot on a Saturday morning. That's the place for the perfect ego pick me up.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

My W used to volunteer at the VFW with all the old veterans in their 70s/80s when she was in her early 30s. They complimented her so much that her self-esteem was on cloud 9 for about 3 days afterward. Some offered marriage proposals and total financial support, even for platonic relationships.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

The only time I would get compliments as a middle-aged man was from "overly friendly" guys at Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, and Panera when I was in my military uniform.

My wife said that I was a highly sought after target for gay guys, based on my being a good-looking, straight, married, military officer back when gays weren't officially allowed in the service.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> The only time I would get compliments as a middle-aged man was from "overly friendly" guys at Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, and Panera when I was in my military uniform.
> 
> My wife said that I was a highly sought after target for gay guys, based on my being a good-looking, straight, married, military officer back when gays weren't officially allowed in the service.


Well duh! That uniform can do a lot for a man!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> I think one of the more popular practices when ladies of a certain age are feeling down about their looks, is to dress nicely and walk past some construction workers on a job site in the city. Seems to be the place where the cat calls are guaranteed to boost the ego.


It is hard to work out if this is about you just not liking your wife or an odd need to put women in general down.

The above sounds nasty and immature. This is a popular practice? By who? 

As to your OP, the only compliments that actually change my day are the genuine ones by people that know me, the whole me not just the physical.
Everything else is just a bit of fun.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Is it even acceptable anymore in the office or on the street to tell a lady she looks nice or smells nice? Or I like your shoes, or bag, or dress, or hair?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I remember temping in an office in the late 80s, and another temp was covering for the receptionist on her lunch break. A delivery guy came in with a package, and the temp directed him to her cubicle: "down the hall, thru the door, 3rd cubicle on the left, Margie is the girl in the red dress with the nice rack, can't miss her". No one said anything about his description of the employee.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Holland said:


> As to your OP, the only compliments that actually change my day are the genuine ones by people that know me, the whole me not just the physical.
> Everything else is just a bit of fun.


Amen.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I just switched offices as part of a company re-organization. The female executive next door likes to wear really short skirts. Is a clothing compliment appropriate or not?


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Deleted


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

No compliments from her, and I wear my usual suit and tie.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> I just switched offices as part of a company re-organization. The female executive next door likes to wear really short skirts. Is a clothing compliment appropriate or not?


Commenting on the shortness of a woman's skirt, the sexiness of her overall look, or any part of her anatomy that is routinely covered in public by clothing is likely to be taken as grossly inappropriate. Unless you're actually flirting with her, try to stick with a generic, "You look great!" sort of comment. 

Feel free to tell a woman you're in a romantic relationship with that she looks hot, you love how those short skirts show off her legs, etc. But, as a general rule, if you wouldn't say it to your mother, daughter, niece or Aunt Ida, then it's probably inappropriate to say to a woman who isn't your partner.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> I just switched offices as part of a company re-organization. The female executive next door likes to wear really short skirts. Is a clothing compliment appropriate or not?


How to handle this?

"I wish I had legs like yours. I'd love to be able to wear skirts of that length. But my varicose veins always let me down."

"Wow! What gorgeous ankles you have!"

Or my preferred option when a colleague with the sexiest bottom and best legs in the world _EVER_ came to work in a short skirt... I kept my mouth firmly shut! Although the expression on my face was like this>>>> 

For female colleagues making compliments to other females, however, the rules are totally different.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Feel free to compliment her shoes or handbag.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Attention from men, here are the thoughts from a 56 year old

1. I think I get adequate attention. I don't encourage since I'm married and don't want men wasting their time. My husband seems to notice.

2. When younger guys do show attention, I am wondering if they think they have an edge because I might be a "cougar."

3. I know that this attention is evanescent. this is coming from someone who didn't very well make and maintain friendships with women in her teens and 20s and would have liked to.

4. I would not want to be friends with a woman who needed to court that kind of attention either by the way she dresses or how she acts.

5. In short, I value long term relationships over some strange men trying to get my attention.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> Is it even acceptable anymore in the office or on the street to tell a lady she looks nice or smells nice? Or I like your shoes, or bag, or dress, or hair?


I make it a practice to never mention a woman's looks at the office for fear it would be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.


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