# Can some ladies explain what's going on?



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

My wife and I have a great marriage. And, a very active and satisfying love life.

However, an issue has come up.

We've been married over 20 years. The first 19 or so, she never had an issue with me playing with her breast.

When she's lying on her back and I reach to fondle her breast she moves her arms up under them as to support them and you can tell she's uncomfortable. After about 20 seconds... she takes my hand and moves it "down there". 

This only occurs when she's on her back. If she's cowgirl up... I can do anything I want with her breast.

I've asked her why and all she can say is that it's "not comfortable".

I miss boobie time.

Can any body give me a better explanation for what's going on.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

when you age new pains and ailments spring up out of nowhere

so when she says she is uncomfortable having her breast fondled on her back, well, she is uncomfortable having her breast fondled on her back


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" would apply nicely here I think


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Maybe her sensitivities have changed over the years? Women can be mysterious that way. At least she is showing you.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

hambone said:


> My wife and I have a great marriage. And, a very active and satisfying love life.
> 
> However, an issue has come up.
> 
> ...


Just how vigorously are you fondling them? I know if SO plays with my nipples for too long they start to go numb lol

I don't think it's anything to be alarmed about since she has no issues letting you play with them while she's upright.

Another thing,if she has larger breasts she may feel self conscious about them while she's on her back if they've started to hang a bit as she gets older.She may support them like that bc she feels embarrassed. Not all breasts get saggy but some do and it's a tough thing for most women to take


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

hambone said:


> I've asked her why and all she can say is that it's "not comfortable".


And then you say; "I miss boobie time. What do you mean not comfortable? Physically uncomfortable, like in pain? Tell me what's on your mind?"


Keep asking questions until you have a full understanding on any issue that is important.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Also, is the increased sensitivity at certain times? I have certain days where I really don't want the girls touched. At all. Not many but a couple days a month. 

Poor hubby - I know he gets confused too.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Just how vigorously are you fondling them? I know if SO plays with my nipples for too long they start to go numb lol
> 
> I don't think it's anything to be alarmed about since she has no issues letting you play with them while she's upright.
> 
> Another thing,if she has larger breasts she may feel self conscious about them while she's on her back if they've started to hang a bit as she gets older.She may support them like that bc she feels embarrassed. Not all breasts get saggy but some do and it's a tough thing for most women to take


Her breast are very large. 

She starts guarding as soon as my hand starts moving towards them. I'm very gentle. I get the feeling she doesn't even want my hand resting on them. 

You might be on to something with that self-conscientious thing. She has always been a nail biter. About 6 months ago, she managed to quit chewing her nails... let them grow out and eventually started painting them.

She was about 140lbs when I married her. With each child, she picked up about 20-30lbs. She tried to breast feed, her breast swole up but no milk ever showed up. That would have helped her to lose weight.

A few months ago, she began avoiding romance. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she didn't think I found her attractive any longer. I thought I had a good answer... I asked her, "If I didn't find you attractive any longer... why would I be trying to have sex with you 6 times a day????" She nodded her head and we we've been back to normal ever since.

This problem with the boobs started before all this. She says it's because she isn't turned on yet. Once my hand goes "down there"... it never makes back up top. I guess, it's the foreplay that I miss.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If this only occurs when she's lying on her back, perhaps she's a little self-conscious because her breasts have lost some of their elasticity and tend to fall slightly sideways? This would account for her putting her arm under them during foreplay... The best thing you can do is talk to her about it, OP, and reassure her that you still find her boobies attractive.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> And then you say; "I miss boobie time. What do you mean not comfortable? Physically uncomfortable, like in pain? Tell me what's on your mind?"
> 
> 
> Keep asking questions until you have a full understanding on any issue that is important.


I don't want to make this into a major issue. Some people would look at skipping the appetizer and going straight to the entrée as being a good thing. But, I miss it.

Believe me, I've gently tried to go beyond, "I'm uncomfortable" on many occasions by asking her if she could be more specific, asking...'Does it hurt?" etc. All I can get out of her is that it's uncomfortable. 

We have the most open and honest marriage of anybody I know. Up until now, I'd say that we can talk about anything. 

I've kind of made a joke out of it.. I ask for "unsupervised visits". That will get me maybe 1 or 2 minutes but she's fidgety the entire time. It's like she's got to pee and I'm tickling her. She laughs when she's nervous.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Maybe when she is very aroused, the feeling in her breast is more pleasurable. Can you wait till she is suficiently warmed up before you caress her breast? I agree with the above posters, sensations do change. May have to do with her cycle or hormonal changes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She had a hysterectomy 15 years ago. 

Don't forget... she she's on top...anything goes. Only when she's on her back does she guard.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> And then you say; "I miss boobie time. What do you mean not comfortable? Physically uncomfortable, like in pain? Tell me what's on your mind?"
> 
> 
> Keep asking questions until you have a full understanding on any issue that is important.



It's a mutual satisfaction thing. I miss not being able to pleasure her by caressing her breast. Plus, I just miss that aspect of foreplay. 

It's like, 'The rules are, she is supposed to enjoy it and if she isn't, I must be doing something wrong."

I'm not able to please her. I want to be able to do it and watch her chest rise... her eyes close... her lips quiver... and see the pleasure on her face.

I'm glad you asked that question. I never really thought about exactly why I miss it. I kind of worked it out in my head as I was writing the response.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> If this only occurs when she's lying on her back, perhaps she's a little self-conscious because her breasts have lost some of their elasticity and tend to fall slightly sideways? This would account for her putting her arm under them during foreplay... The best thing you can do is talk to her about it, OP, and reassure her that you still find her boobies attractive.


I know she's self conscientious about her weight. Her boobs are very large and of course (being in her late 50s') gravity is affecting everything.

But hey... I ain't no spring chick either. I thought we were both accepting aging... maybe we're not.

She is 6 months older than me. Big whup. But, the other day, she did say to me that I looked so much younger than she does. This was unsolicited... out of the blue. I do tell her ALL the time that I love her. And, I do tell her frequently that I love her boobs.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

She has large breasts and has put on weight. You talked about her feeling unattractive and how she brought it up as well as you answer...

Dude, your answer sucked! This is me smacking you upside the head! :whip:

"Attracted to you! Are you kidding me! You have a luscious smoking hot body that I fantasize about all day! I can't keep my hands off of you! You are as hot, if not hotter than you've ever been!"

Thats how you answer your wife when she doubts her attractiveness!

I'm guessing that maybe she isn't too keen on the way her breasts have aged and laying down on her back makes their lack of fullness more obvious...To HER! Your mission is to disabuse her of this notion by repeating what is written in the quotes above.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> She has large breasts and has put on weight. You talked about her feeling unattractive and how she brought it up as well as you answer...
> 
> Dude, your answer sucked! This is me smacking you upside the head! :whip:
> 
> ...


My wife is not stupid. If I'd have answered with your answer, she probably would have rolled her eyes... shook her head and told me that I was a poor liar. 

She was smoking hot when she was 35.. But, she's had 2 kids and how she's in her late 50's. 

Some women are devoted to their looks. She is devoted to her husband and family. I wish she was a little more selfish. 

The way I see it, you can make someone like you... you can't make someone love you. It just has to happen. I don't know if I loved her at first sight but it dang sure didn't take long. Our marriage isn't absolutely perfect but it's close. The passion has never gone out. The happiest day of my life was the day I married her. I was so excited I didn't sleep a wink the night before.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

hambone said:


> My wife is not stupid. If I'd have answered with your answer, she probably would have rolled her eyes... shook her head and told me that I was a poor liar.
> 
> She was smoking hot when she was 35.. But, she's had 2 kids and how she's in her late 50's.
> 
> ...


So, you love her to pieces but recognize she is showing some wear and tear...her eye rolling is what all women do who haven't learned NOT to do it if we want to hear compliments. And, eye rolling just masks how very wonderful you've made her feel when being vain enough to want to be complimented is supposed to be a secret. AND all women, no matter their age, men too, want to hear compliments.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Has she ever mentioned a breast lift or breast reduction?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Has she ever mentioned a breast lift or breast reduction?


That's not going to happen. She hates even the thought of pain...


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

You guys are over analyzing this. She is in her late 50's, had a historectomy 15 years ago, BUT - more than likely she is just going through normal hormonal changes and she doesn't like it right now. She will continue to have other changes as she moves through this time of her life. Just don't touch her boobs when she is on her back. Let her turn to her side.

It is called "adjustment".


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

I think it's that she is self-conscious about how they hang to the side and sag--that happens when she's on her back. And that's why she doesn't do this in other positions.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

JustHer said:


> You guys are over analyzing this. She is in her late 50's, had a historectomy 15 years ago, BUT - more than likely she is just going through normal hormonal changes and she doesn't like it right now. She will continue to have other changes as she moves through this time of her life. Just don't touch her boobs when she is on her back. Let her turn to her side.
> 
> It is called "adjustment".


Yep, we were over analyzing. These types of things are to be expected as men and women get older. It shouldn't be a surprise.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

It can be a number of different things and the only person who really knows the answer to this is your wife. I would suggest trying to ask her, but not be pushy about it. Also explain how you feel about it as well.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> It might be best to let it go for now. She knows how you feel and how she feels. This may have become a war of wills. She expressed a preference and so did you.
> 
> Compromise is in order. What position is more comfortable for her and can you make that comprimise if it means she is more comfortable?


My wife will do pretty much anything (inside and outside the bedroom) to please me. One of the things we do best is not get into power struggles. We focus on the issue and the pros and cons. She's not doing this just to be disagreeable, to protect her turf. 

I take her at her word that it makes her physically uncomfortable. My question was... exactly what was making her uncomfortable... Is there anything I can do different that will make caressing her breast pleasurable? 

Gentleness is not the answer. I've tried, I can't be gentle enough that she's comfortable.

Last night, I tried to get to the bottom of this.. again. Got a little further than ever before. She said it feels like pressure... all the way to her lungs. Her breast have apparently become hyper sensitive. Once she turned on... it's OK. But, by the time she's turned on... Her breast are no longer the focus of either of our attentions.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

That the discomfort is positional may warrant an exam - just a thought.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> That the discomfort is positional may warrant an exam - just a thought.


That's a good point. I'll ask her when her last exam was


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Yeah - and have her mention this pressure to her doc at next visit. It's likely nothing but not worth ignoring.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Yeah - and have her mention this pressure to her doc at next visit. It's likely nothing but not worth ignoring.


This is one of those things that... if she ended up with breast cancer, you'd look back and kick yourself for not recognizing a symptom slapping you in the face. 

Thanks again.


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## Adrienne (Apr 10, 2013)

Just so you know, I love nipple play when I"m aroused. When I'm not its "uncomfortable"...like finger in the belly button uncomfortable. She may be changing and yeah, it happens!!! Enjoy the new woman you have!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Adrienne said:


> Just so you know, I love nipple play when I"m aroused. When I'm not its "uncomfortable"...like finger in the belly button uncomfortable. She may be changing and yeah, it happens!!! Enjoy the new woman you have!


Funny you should mention that. Her belly button is off limits and don't even think about playing with her ears.

I love her with all my heart. Just hoping that some lady on this forum had experienced the same thing and could explain what's going on.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Well like I said before it could be a number of things, but I know that there are times that I do not want my hubs to bother mine at all. The way you described your scenario sounds like me and my hubs now and then and he knows if I do not want him to bother them, than he does not. It is nothing against him, but sometimes I just do not want them to be messed with, or they hurt, and other reasons. My hubs respects it if I do not want him to bother them. Maybe explaining it like this will help you out more.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

dragonlady4ever said:


> Well like I said before it could be a number of things, but I know that there are times that I do not want my hubs to bother mine at all. The way you described your scenario sounds like me and my hubs now and then and he knows if I do not want him to bother them, than he does not. It is nothing against him, but sometimes I just do not want them to be messed with, or they hurt, and other reasons. My hubs respects it if I do not want him to bother them. Maybe explaining it like this will help you out more.


I think we've got a plan. She says to go down stairs... get her aroused and then try it. 

That was earlier this evening... unfortunately she's come down with chills/hot/chills etc. Looks it won't be tonight.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Are you sure she is not starting to go through the change of life? That may be the reason and she needs to be checked out by her Gynecologist. Hope this helps you out some more.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

dragonlady4ever said:


> Are you sure she is not starting to go through the change of life? That may be the reason and she needs to be checked out by her Gynecologist. Hope this helps you out some more.


No, she had a hysterectomy about 15 years back. She coped with that very well...

Her bust are not as big as they used to be. And her areola are 
definitely smaller. I mean, shes down from like an M to a J...

Maybe that has something do do with it. 

Someone brought up her needing a breast exam... just to be sure. I asked her and her last one was last August. 

This all started maybe well before that.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Duplicate post...


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## Adrienne (Apr 10, 2013)

I hate my ears as well!!! My H loves his ears! We want to do to the other what we ourselves enjoy. Its perfectly natural. Hard to control when in the moment! Trust me, more than anything...its not personal!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Adrienne said:


> I hate my ears as well!!! My H loves his ears! We want to do to the other what we ourselves enjoy. Its perfectly natural. Hard to control when in the moment! Trust me, more than anything...its not personal!


you're absolutely right. For example, people who enjoy it rough... want to give it rough! 

Etc.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

hambone said:


> No, she had a hysterectomy about 15 years back. She coped with that very well...
> 
> Her bust are not as big as they used to be. And her areola are
> definitely smaller. I mean, shes down from like an M to a J...
> ...


Having a hysterectomy does not mean she went through "the cange". Most of our hormones are produced in the ovaries, which they usually leave in during surgury. There is no set rule to going through menopause, it is sooooo individual. There is a VERY good chance that this is what is happening.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

JustHer said:


> Having a hysterectomy does not mean she went through "the cange". Most of our hormones are produced in the ovaries, which they usually leave in during surgury. There is no set rule to going through menopause, it is sooooo individual. There is a VERY good chance that this is what is happening.


I should have specified, they took out the ovaries when she had her hysterectomy.


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## Nujabes (May 16, 2013)

hambone said:


> I miss boobie time.


THIS!!! This should be a MEME NOW!


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I might be able to help you with this one... I am older and very large chested also. The big guy loves to fondle my breast when we cuddle, it is how he goes to sleep at night. Since I have gotten older I also find it uncomfortable (painful) when he does it while I am on my back. He has to lift my breast up if he wants to fondle them while I am on my back, they have fallen some and for some reason it hurts if he doesn't lift them first from underneath. You'll have to try different positions with her. He can do it while I am on my side (spooning) or while I am riding him cowgirl ( love it if he sucks them while I ride). Her body is changing as yours will be as you get older, you will both have to start talking about what you like and don't like as your body ages. Ain't life grand it never stays the same!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

mineforever said:


> I might be able to help you with this one... I am older and very large chested also. The big guy loves to fondle my breast when we cuddle, it is how he goes to sleep at night. Since I have gotten older I also find it uncomfortable (painful) when he does it while I am on my back. He has to lift my breast up if he wants to fondle them while I am on my back, they have fallen some and for some reason it hurts if he doesn't lift them first from underneath. You'll have to try different positions with her. He can do it while I am on my side (spooning) or while I am riding him cowgirl ( love it if he sucks them while I ride). Her body is changing as yours will be as you get older, you will both have to start talking about what you like and don't like as your body ages. Ain't life grand it never stays the same!


What you're saying is *exactly* what she's telling me.... Thanks...


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