# Confused if i have a sicko on my hands!



## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Before I can offer an opinion, how is your marriage and your sex life? Are you meeting each other's needs sexually?


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

How many times have you two had sex in say the last 3 months? >12 - 'sicko', 3 or less - probably not, in between - subjective .


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

We have a normal sex life i dont think that is the problem. He doesnt ever go unattended. His excuse was he was drunk and just looking. He looks up porn i have no problem with that but we are starting to get local *****s posting ads. He said its different than looking up porn these other pics seem real


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

I'm pretty much happy, he says he's happy he acts like he is. He just said this is just something guys do.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

What does 'doesn't ever go unattended' mean. Would he say the same thing? 

If he actually does not ever go unattended then he may have a problem and you may have a cheater or a potential cheater.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

We both work a lot and during weekdays as soon as his head hits the pillow he's asleep. But we do get it on during the weekends and he doesnt complain he doesnt get enough attention is basically what that means. Yeah i think something else is going on. Maybe he wants the best of both worlds. i guess my real question is could people really just be interested in pics of sleazy girls or is it maybe a curiosity that might lead to something else.


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## Altair (Sep 16, 2016)

Yes in answer to your question he could be just interested in looking at pictures of sleazy girls.

Lots of guys have porn collections even if their marriage is solid.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

I dont have a problem with porn and i know all his sites he sees he doesnt deny it. But i just think its a different level when your looking up local escorts and ads that post pricing and local phone numbers. We had a rocky relationship the first 5 years and the last 5 years have been good. I just will not go backwards and if its time to call it quits i think i need to know. I asked him and he doesnt want to but i dont want to be one of those dumb girls hoping someone will change with the answer in front of their face. So i wanted to know what it sounded like to other people


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

anonmd said:


> How many times have you two had sex in say the last 3 months? >12 - 'sicko', 3 or less - probably not, in between - subjective .


Wait what?

12 times or more in 3 months means he's a sicko? At 12 times that averages out to 4 times in a month or once a week.


I think your constraints on being a sicko are a bit tight.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

lol i think you might have read that wrong,me and him might have sex 8-10 times a month. I talking about the part of him looking up escort ads thats the sicko part i mean. I just hear all these stories of men and their secret lives meeting hookers in motel rooms and i dont know I'm just imaging a lot of stuff


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Well, it's probably just normal interest, but specifically looking at local escorts is a valid concern. While I wouldn't get too upset just yet, I suggest you check up on his browsing habits occasionally. If that's all that you ever find, then he's just curious or maybe fantasizing a bit. However, if you see unexplained, large credit card transactions or cash withdrawals from your bank account, or he has unexplained absences, then you'll need to get serious about checking on him.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

Thank you! maybe i did jump the gun a bit but thats my personality. I dont need to be around a unhealthy relationship i have to much to offer. I dont lack self esteem and i just won't do this to myself.
But thanks for your input


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

When you looked at the web history, did you see the page on there multiple times, or was that the only time he's looked it? If that was the only time he looked at it, it's likely that his "I was drunk" story checks out, and that he was just curious. Let's be honest, a lot of guys like looking at pics of skanky, slvtty girls, even if they wouldn't use an escort service in a million years. 

But if he's visited the page multiple times, there might be cause for concern. First, I would check his cell phone records to see if he's called any of the numbers from the escort site. Second, check the bank accounts and credit cards for any strange/unusual charges or withdrawals. If there's nothing unusual in either of those areas, then he's probably just using it as an alternative to porn. If this is the case, and it still bothers you, then you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about why it bothers you, and ask him not to visit the site anymore.

But if you come up with evidence that he's used the site to procure escorts... then you've got a serious problem.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'd be checking the phone bill a lot more than the web history. If he's just looking then you may have busted him before he can really start anything. In which case, if you want to salvage things you might want to find out why he's bored with your routine. But if you find on the phone bill that he's calling or texting....well that brings it to a whole new level. Also check the bank account for random cash withdrawals that are close to the prices you see in the ads in his history.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Woops, just realized FIP said basically the same thing.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

Thanks for y'alls advice i did search like the FBI. I didnt see anything other than him clicking the ads. If i had evidence of that kind of stuff i would of been out the door. I just dont like this at all and i did have a talk with him it just still bothers me but its only been a few days. Maybe it'll take time.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I've done that. Was curious. Also opened an account (free) on some fbuddy site. Just to see if anything around my area is going on. It isn't BTW. Prurient interest, I'd call it. I have absolutely NO desire to ever contact in any way anyone like that.

I definitely could see how seeing a local hot girl might be good for fantasy, particularly if you're only have sex weekly. My needs are daily and I'm in my 50's. Most guys have a higher than weekly drive and just TCB if there is a chance of drama, fatigue, etc during the week.

I also worked with a few guys years ago and we travelled as consultants. We'd go to strip clubs often but nothing bad. Some of the guys specifically noticed which girls were also hotel workers etc and it amped up their mojo to see them IRL and know they'd seen them naked.

I'd never thought of that.

To each his own. For som sex is 90% mental.

Personally I think you are WAY overreacting unless there is a different pattern or info to consider.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Shurina Joaquin said:


> I'm pretty much happy, he says he's happy he acts like he is. *He just said this is just something guys do.[*/QUOTE]
> 
> It is something guys interested in escorts do. The pics look like real girls because they are real and local and available. Ask him if he would be ok with you browsing pics of big d!cks of the local yokels because that is just something girls do.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

There's a lot of assumptions made in this post.

First off, no your husband isn't a "sicko" for looking up escorts. Because guys are biologically wired to want to screw women 24/7. That's going to manifest itself in a variety of ways depending on the person: from civilized gentlemen who have infrequent sex with their wives, to compulsive masturbators and sex addicts.

Calling your husband a sicko for wanting sex would be akin to me calling you a nutcase because you got emotional about an issue in your life while on your period.

It seems like you lack any empathy to how your husband is wired. And notice when you respond to the question of is your husband "unattended" you say that you have sex on weekends and he never complains. Have you ever bothered to ask him if he wanted more sex? Or if he feels unfulfilled? Cause if I only got laid on weekends I sure as hell wouldn't be satisfied. I want it 2-3x a day and if I get it less than 3x a week I get grumpy.

I'm not saying it's your fault if he's screwing around but maybe a little more understanding and communicating and a little less jumping to conclusions would be more beneficial in your relationship. That kind of attitude might also be contributing to him looking elsewhere if he is.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

Thanks maybe I am. I just felt if i dont do it he shouldn't either. If if i were making account on buddy sites i would get knocked out. Maybe not literally but he wouldnt put up with it. But i will calm my nerves for now.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

He doesnt even try during the weekdays at all, like i said on weekdays as soon as his head hits the bed he's out. Weekends sometimes its 3-4 times in one day. I dont think he's a sicko for looking up women. he has his pornhub for that. He can have the biggest porn collection in the world for all i care. I think its sick for him looking up escorts that have a the price for a blow job for 50 bucks. Thats when i was like woah wth is going on. I told him if he knew those were local crackheads probably and i just can't deal with that.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Shurina Joaquin said:


> Thanks maybe I am. I just felt if i dont do it he shouldn't either. If if i were making account on buddy sites i would get knocked out. Maybe not literally but he wouldnt put up with it. But i will calm my nerves for now.


Well no offense but it's not the same. Until you go to a street pharmacy and start injecting yourself with 10-12x your current testosterone levels you're not going to have the same desire or need for sex.

I wouldn't make any assumptions about his fulfillment unless you talk to him about it in a non-confrontational manner. Maybe don't even ask that question, just say "Hey would you be interested in more sex throughout the week?" Because he may have been rejected by you during the week and doesn't want to deal with that anymore, or he may want to shield you from being hurt by telling you he's not fulfilled.

At the end of the day if all he's doing is looking then I wouldn't think that's weird. TBH I don't watch regular porn at all because it's too fake, I only watch amateur/homemade stuff because I enjoy looking at real people.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

Hes a manly man and he doesnt even ask lol he knows what he wants... I dont have to ask him if he needs more. He will def let me know. But maybe your right and regular porn doesnt do it for him since he is getting a little bit older. I will see how it plays out. I was letting my mind get out of control and thinking he's some kind of sex addict and probably at work all day calling *****s. Sorry but i have a very creative imagination. I literally just wanted to know if guys do this out of curiosity or something else. I was very open to opinions on here to form my own. I'm sorry if i didnt make everything clear at first i was writing while working and trying to get it out really fast.


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## Shurina Joaquin (Sep 21, 2016)

COguy said:


> Well no offense but it's not the same. Until you go to a street pharmacy and start injecting yourself with 10-12x your current testosterone levels you're not going to have the same desire or need for sex.
> 
> I wouldn't make any assumptions about his fulfillment unless you talk to him about it in a non-confrontational manner. Maybe don't even ask that question, just say "Hey would you be interested in more sex throughout the week?" Because he may have been rejected by you during the week and doesn't want to deal with that anymore, or he may want to shield you from being hurt by telling you he's not fulfilled.
> 
> At the end of the day if all he's doing is looking then I wouldn't think that's weird. TBH I don't watch regular porn at all because it's too fake, I only watch amateur/homemade stuff because I enjoy looking at real people.


Thanks for your input... All this talking about him and me thinking of him working real hard and long hours is making me kinda hot... I will meet up with his after work today and tell him its about to go down today! lol he's lucky to have a wife like me


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I live and breathe in another place.......far away from this mindset.

Thank God.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Of course there could be the obvious as well, he may be looking to hook up but has not gotten the courage yet either. The local thing is hard to understand. If we are also talking about wiring, males m are more likely to cheat for just sex or novelty.

I would state it is suspicious that he is looking at local girls. If you were looking at local guys on craig's list, I would be suspicious of you as well.

I would be wary of him at the moment.

How is your relationship otherwise? How often do you both spend time together sexually and nonsexually like dating one another and talking intimately?

Also, you do not know if he is willing to act or not act on Craig's list. Most people that are on those sites, like Ashely *******, are looking to cheat. The odds are against you there.

That is why making the relationship safe and nonjudgemental is important, it will open avenues to more open communication. If he told you he fantasize about a midget and you call him disgusting, he will be less open with you. If he called you disgusting after you gain that baby weight, how would you feel?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I see several possibilities.

He may be actively using escorts. He may be actively looking for an escort. He may be seriously thinking about an escort. 

OR.
He may be looking up escorts as part of a fantasy. No intention of ever acting on it, just gets off on the idea that he *could* if he wants to. Some of their adds probably include titillating details since they are trying to sell themselves


OR
He may have been looking at porn and it opened a hidden link to escort sites. (I've had that happen).


I think you shouldn't ignore it, but by itself I don't see is a necessarily bad.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Curiosity? 

Cats do not like curiosity, for obvious reasons.

And neither should your husband.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Saying that you shouldn't freak over this because it's 'just something guys do' or that guys like sex and he's just being a guy is pure and simple BULLPUCKYSH!T. Any husband who surfs escort sites has something OTHER than sex with his wife on his mind, and has taken the first step towards stepping out.

Shurina, you need to nip this in the bud NOW. Going forward you should have 24/7 unhindered access to his phone, other devices, computer, email, bank accounts and whatever else you want, so that you can check up on him as much as you need to. He should be on a VERY short leash until you feel comfortable that there's nothing more going on. If he balks at this, or if he tries to convince you it will be on HIS terms, or that he should be able to 'go over' things first (read: have a chance to delete things) then you should be highly suspicious. You MAY have found only the tip of the iceberg. 

It may very well just be nothing more than curiosity. You may have found this before anything more happened. But this SHOULD make you start wondering. If you decide to let him get away with it, without imposing some kind of consequence, it very well may lead to more.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In any event, it is high time for the two of you to have yourselves a "Come to Jesus" Meeting!

He's got some serious "explaining" to do!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If he knows that you know he watches porn, you could ask him about the escort site and see what he says. If he quickly says he just gets a kick out of reading their adds and looking at pictures, then it really is just another form of porn.


Recently I was on a business trip to a city that had a famous brothel. I looked it up on the internet, looked at the women's adds. Pure curiosity / fantasy material. I have absolutely zero interest in a prostitute. I have supreme confidence that if I wanted sex, my natural irresistible appeal would work without fail. (Fortunately I've never put that to the test, so I can remain completely confident of my incomparable ability to seduce women).


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

First, a little discussion can be appropriate but I am not going to join the blame the victim group. And it does take some discipline for men, for the natural inclination is to look. (women seem to check out other women's kitchens and houses). 

You should be able to discuss this starting with the women involved. There are a large number of sad drug abusers who may be neglecting their children or worse. I know of one situation with a normal looking couple where the husband decided it would be easy to make money by sending his wife out on "dates." So I think its fair game to talk about the industry.


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