# Perplexed and need some insight



## eldubya (Aug 23, 2012)

Dear all:
I have been divorced since August. There was financial, mental, and physical abuse in this relationship. He told me he was divorcing me after he nearly burned the house down and I left for a few days fearing for my safety.
While my then husband had filed the papers and sat around waiting to see how much money he was getting from me, he crowed about how happy he was and how he was never coming back. My counselor warned me he would come back when he wanted something again from me. He has emailed me and wants to visit so I can help him celebrate his birthday and watch him play in his old band. Is he just trying to be friendly? Does he want something out of me? If he was so delighted to leave and move in with a girlfriend, why is he coming back?

I would really like to tell him that after all he put me through, I never want to see him again. That after all I had to pay him in the settlement I have paid dearly for my freedom and mental/ physical health. How to send a strong message that sounds civilized? Or should I just be blunt and hope it works?

Thanks for all your kind words and wealth of experience!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

eldubya said:


> I would really like to tell him that after all he put me through, I never want to see him again.


That sounds good. Do that. And say nothing more. That should do it. :smthumbup:


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

I would stick with the blunt and vague. You are not interested in seeing him in his band or celebrating his birthday. Hard to do, but the best way


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## Bafuna (Aug 13, 2012)

What a jerk


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

RUN............. SQUIRRLE!!!!! Never go back, you've worked too hard to get out and move on w/ ur life!! 
Pray, a new man will find you and treat you way better than he ever did.....he's just looking to gloat or be cruel to you, ur better than anything he has to offer/or take.
Chin up
Mouse


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Listen to your counselor. I wouldn't even bother to respond. He's looking to get you to engage and ANY reply will feed his purpose.

It would feel great to tell him off but trust me, it will end in tears, apologies, waffling feelings... just don't. If you need to, write it down and burn it.

Find something to do that night. Really - he doesn't even deserve a reply from you.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

eldubya said:


> Dear all:
> There was financial, mental, and physical abuse in this relationship. He told me he was divorcing me after he nearly burned the house down and I left for a few days fearing for my safety.
> !


With all of the abuse you have already endured, why would you want to see him at all? It's not worth seeing him and possibly getting sucked back in to that relationship again.


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