# Conrad Expands



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I come not to praise Conrad, but to bury him.

As you may expect, my participation here causes some raised eyebrows with my wife. And, I do believe partners should communicate respectfully about the other. Sometimes we get in a hurry and may use language that is somewhat imprecise in communicating our message.

My wife and I discussed this the other night. She saw me use the term "them" in reference to the spouses of people in this forum. I let her know that "we" is a term I loosely use to refer to rescuers in the Victim triangle. "They or them" is the term that largely applies to spouses that start @persecutor and/or victim.

As I encourage all of us (rescuers and others) to "claim our happiness", a huge part of that involves letting the other folks be right. In other words, no more right-fighting. No more long winded pleading about logic or evidence, or whatever. Occasionally, I've thrown thrown in flip terms about mileage being variable, to each their own, or whatever. I do think there are ways to say that better.

The key is not to own the response of another and have it grind you into emotional sawdust. This is true whether you are living together or separated. You cannot do anything about your SO's response anyway, except tell them what you are and are not ok with.

I was not ok with ending my participation here. There are many reasons for this that include my frustration as a parent, but those aren't really important. I'm not leaving.

What I am announcing is that I'm "expanding". We're going to share an account - a new account. I'm going to likely call it Conrad&Janie. I think this is a real win/win because Janie and I are still working through things and I think the concepts here help keep everything fresh.

Also, if any of you wish to reach her to ask her if I'm for real, that's totally ok too. I think it would benefit people to ask "us" for our perspectives on these situations. Of course, you may see the post after mine being something she'd like to say in a different way or provide a different perspective.

I'm really hopeful about this venture, as I think it can help us be closer and be a useful tool for members here.

And, yes, synthetic... I'm still in charge of the lumberyard.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Welcome, Janie!


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I think this is a wonderful idea.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> I think this is a wonderful idea.


pidge,

I thought it was a great example of a win/win between committed partners.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Conrad said:


> pidge,
> 
> I thought it was a great example of a win/win between committed partners.


I hope it is helpful. I was told earlier that I was extremely naive to be on her with Joe.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> I hope it is helpful. I was told earlier that I was extremely naive to be on her with Joe.


Apparently, I disagree


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Welcome Janie. Your husband is the father figure/counselor I never had. 

I just hope sharing one account doesn't become an obstacle for us in differentiating the two views.

I'm at a very fragile stage of my recovery. I need you Conrad! Pidge, you too!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

synthetic said:


> I'm at a very fragile stage of my recovery. I need you Conrad! Pidge, you too!


You are not as fragile as you think!!! Give yourself more credit, synth!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)




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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

hmmm, my wife knows I come to this sight...maybe I'll need to invite her to share...to share from her experiences the past few years...and I can learn from her....


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> View attachment 1178


Thanks Amp!


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Welcome Janie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

Welcome Janie! Your husband's advice has helped me so much and I hope it continues!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Janie, your husband has provided truly wise advice here...he has helped me on many occasions and is a role model to so many. Welcome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Welcome! 

Conrad is a god sent. His help has been invaluable (eye opener).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Welcome!
> 
> Conrad is a god sent. His help has been invaluable (eye opener).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eh, keeps wanting me to build decks with his stack of lumber he has. I keep telling him no, doesn't listen .. just keeps showing me his lumber yard.

Some people, don't learn. :rofl:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

upndown said:


> eh, keeps wanting me to build decks with his stack of lumber he has. I keep telling him no, doesn't listen .. Just keeps showing me his lumber yard.
> 
> Some people, don't learn. :rofl:


lmao!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Bienvenidos Janie! We're going to enjoy corrupting you!


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

I'm slow. LOL. I hadn't seen this thread...saw all of the Conrad&Janie responses just now and wondered "Who the heck is this commenting in all these posts?!". 

Welcome, Janie! I, like others here, so appreciate the invaluable advice of your husband. Looking forward to your responses as well.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Welcome Janie!!! After receiving my big stack o' lumber, I was wondering why it hadn't come from the same old Conrad. Hope you both benefit from the 2.0 experience.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

We're really glad you stepped up TeeWhy.

With Synthetic headed out of the country, we were afraid the lumber was going to dry rot.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

So how do we know when it's the better half posting??

Would really like to hear her side of the story if she ever felt up to it.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

UpnDown said:


> So how do we know when it's the better half posting??
> 
> Would really like to hear her side of the story if she ever felt up to it.


You'll know.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I’ve always thought the best relationships are the ones where the two people have common goals, common objectives that they work towards. And that no more is this true when two people come together (!!!) to start and rear a family.

If I've understood what's going on correctly, I don’t think it gets much better when two people look outside of themselves and have a common purpose in helping others. I do pity the others though somewhat lol.

But joking apart if you’ve truly gotten off and out of that Victim Triangle without lasting and permanent damage to your relationship you have indeed achieved a great deal and have experienced a lesson that will be of great value to others.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm thankful to Conrad for stating the word "Progress" in a post. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Sometimes it's those simple words that can have the most impact and it was what I needed to read at that time. My husband and I both speak of our progress...... I think we're all on a journey here; hopefully learning, progressing and expanding.

Welcome Janie!


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

AFEH said:


> I’ve always thought the best relationships are the ones where the two people have common goals, common objectives that they work towards. And that no more is this true when two people come together (!!!) to start and rear a family.
> 
> If I've understood what's going on correctly, I don’t think it gets much better when two people look outside of themselves and have a common purpose in helping others. I do pity the others though somewhat lol.
> 
> But joking apart if you’ve truly gotten off and out of that Victim Triangle without lasting and permanent damage to your relationship you have indeed achieved a great deal and have experienced a lesson that will be of great value to others.


Bob,

We'll let you know how "permanent" the damage was.

With a thread title like, "Green Shoots amidst the wreckage", it's difficult to deny there is much to sort through.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I'm thankful to Conrad for stating the word "Progress" in a post. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Sometimes it's those simple words that can have the most impact and it was what I needed to read at that time. My husband and I both speak of our progress...... I think we're all on a journey here; hopefully learning, progressing and expanding.
> 
> Welcome Janie!


Guys hate asking directions because it feels like we're going backwards.

We want to go forward. So, "progress" in relationships makes sense to us.

Nothing feels better... NOTHING... than encountering situations that ended hatefully or horribly in the past and adjusting so you get through them intact.

That's true progress.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

the title of this thread makes me giggle

and welcome Janie!

is all


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> the title of this thread makes me giggle
> 
> and welcome Janie!
> 
> is all



I immediately thought of Big Trouble in Little China


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> I immediately thought of Big Trouble in Little China


I'm more of a Jabba the Hutt fan myself.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I was thinking more...

Mr Creosote

warning: do not watch if you don't like vomit!


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

That's one ballsy M.F.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

Janie here...

Thanks to all for the warm welcome. 

After an extended hiatus from TAM, I'm glad to be back -- especially as the better half to my husband, Conrad. :smthumbup:

Life is good.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Welcome back, Janie! It's great knowing that Conrad's always great advice to us will now be receiving due verification! After all, two great minds are far better than one! Greatly looking forward to a long and endearing TAM relationship with the both of you!


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Question.

How many times have you been hit by lumber?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

UpnDown said:


> Question.
> 
> How many times have you been hit by lumber?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unsure who you're asking - and not completely up to speed on the 'lumber' concept...

We play 'lumberjack' often. 

Maybe that answers your question? 


... janie ...


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Oh yeah, we're going to get along juuuuust fine.  Welcome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

An account with multiple personalities!?

I dont know if I'm ok with that.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

aug said:


> An account with multiple personalities!?
> 
> I dont know if I'm ok with that.


We think it improves your chances of getting a good answer.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

I found this, thought of you Conrad.

Happy swinging!


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