# Leave the kids out



## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

So this is my thing. I got cheated on by who I thought was the one person in the world I could trust. I already posted my story and the heartache. 16 years down the drain. Divorce is less than weeks away. We came to an agreement or so I thought. The kids have been through enough. No more fighting, no more intimacy and no contact with her ap until the divorce is final. Now, I'm not stupid and fully expected her to still have contact. It's just in her nature, she is evil and cold. 

The kids already know pretty much everything because after lying repeatedly to them and me, she thought a full confession to them was in order, not my idea and I was against it. She did this without me around. Alright so she told them most of the truth which included them actually knowing her op/lover and how she tried to intro them under false pretences. On top of that she actually had our oldest son work with him.....


Needless to say this backfired on her as she had intentions of the kids and her leaving to live with her and op. They refused and let her know how disappointed and disgusted they were. She felt the need to include they had sex in the family car and she was late coming home multiple times because she was with him. 

So today my son goes out with her and noticed that the car seat was pushed back. He asked who was in the car because she was at work and I wasn't with her all day. She said she didn't know and dropped it. He came home told me about it and said "Dad it hurts" she lied again. My heart sunk and I told him to be strong and hang in there, soon this would be over and we can focus on moving forward. I told him it wasn't for me to cast judgement and he would have to do his best to remember she is his mother despite her bad choices. 

Why does she have to keep hurting the kids? She can't have her cake and eat it too. 

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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You did good Dad. Just keep that up, be there for the kids without trash talking her.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Why isn't it your place to cast judgment? You're her husband.


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## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> Why isn't it your place to cast judgment? You're her husband.


Oh I do and have, just not to the kids. The only thing is I told my daughters to never be like her. If they fall out of love for whatever reason and truely try to work it out, walk away as a lady and with respect which my sxw didnt. My son same thing. I told him to be a good man and wait for the right one. If it doesnt work out, walk away. No need to repeat my mistakes. That's the only thing I pass to them for this horrible situation.

I always thought we would be the rare ones, to actually make it. It breaks my heart daily when my kids randomly ask me if I'm alright or Dad are you going to cry? I try not to and have been a lot stronger lately. In the begining it was difficult to not break down and cry like a little kid again. 

I havent cried so much in my entire life. The sad thing is I know I'm not done yet. 180 and some sound advice from this board and some very nice people have kept me from losing my mind. I will survive if not for me at least my kids. 

One day, one step. I will learn to love me and appreciate all I have to offer my kids and that special someone should they ever come along and if not, I'm contempt raising the best individuals I can. Where I failed and fell, I shall do my best to make sure my kids do not! And if they do, I will be there to get them back up so they can stand again. 

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## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

SunnyT said:


> You did good Dad. Just keep that up, be there for the kids without trash talking her.


Thank you!

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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I just posted on your original thread and I have to say it again. You got custody and house so you are a lucky man my friend,trust me. 

Your kids are hurt and they will be for a long time. Best thing you can do is to be there for them. Try your hardest to be best dad. They sound like a good kids and so mature. 

When my parents split up I was grow up,but my younger sister was still a little one so my father took her to counseling. Do this if you think they are not moving forward and having a hard time adjusting to new lives. 

You can make it my friend. They are lucky to have you.

Stay strong.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Kids can learn to detach and fall out of love with a bad parent while still being dutiful children. This is what will happen to your wife. She has lost their respect and after a time she will lose their love also. Oh, they will continue to do their duty to her as her kids, but there won't be any love or affection. When they grow up they will alienate her and she will be relegated to the fringes of their lives. 

Hope all that hot sex she is getting is worth it to her.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

confusednAlone said:


> One day, one step. I will learn to love me and appreciate all I have to offer my kids and that special someone should they ever come along and if not, I'm contempt raising the best individuals I can. Where I failed and fell, I shall do my best to make sure my kids do not! And if they do, I will be there to get them back up so they can stand again.


I like this, you have a great attitude!


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Don't minimize your kids feelings. You can't have one standard for you and a different standard for them. If they want to lash out, let them. It's their way to cope. You get to lash out but you want your kids to bottle up their feelings?


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## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Don't minimize your kids feelings. You can't have one standard for you and a different standard for them. If they want to lash out, let them. It's their way to cope. You get to lash out but you want your kids to bottle up their feelings?


How do I bottle them up? I don't encourage them to cast judgement. They are not babies they do understand what she did and does. It does bother me when they run to her sometimes but another poster said it well, they are fullfilling their duty as her kids, doesn't mean they feel the same way they used too. At the end of the day, she will have to face reality. I love you mom will not come as often as is it did and the respect is lost that I already was told.

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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

confusednAlone said:


> How do I bottle them up? I don't encourage them to cast judgement. They are not babies they do understand what she did and does. It does bother me when they run to her sometimes but another poster said it well, they are fullfilling their duty as her kids, doesn't mean they feel the same way they used too. At the end of the day, she will have to face reality. I love you mom will not come as often as is it did and the respect is lost that I already was told.
> 
> Who needs a signature?


Right, you don't encourage them to cast judgment, but you have cast judgment, yourself (see your reply to Lucas). You get to tell her off but you remind your kids that she's their mother. Sounds like a double standard to me. Don't get me wrong, she should be judged, but judged fairly.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

confusednAlone said:


> It's just in her nature, she is evil and cold.


Most cheaters are.



confusednAlone said:


> She felt the need to include they had sex in the family car


Just.... wow.... 

What a PIG this woman is. Disgusting she would tell her children that. 

Wonder if she talked sexual positions and swallowing with them too.

Dumping this vile trash is the best thing that could of happened to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She was there mother. But now? Not so much.

She's like a police officer sacked for stealing.

Used to be a police officer, but no longer a police officer.

Used to be a mother, but no longer.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Don't forget: she betrayed them as well, so they have a right to lash out if they so choose. She destroyed the image they had of her, and the respect they once had for her. She will invest her love, energy, and time with her OM instead of on you and them, so you're not the only one she betrayed.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> You did good Dad. Just keep that up, be there for the kids without trash talking her.


LOL... she's doing a pretty good job of trash-talking herself!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> She was there mother. But now? Not so much.
> 
> She's like a police officer sacked for stealing.
> 
> ...


She was a mother and still will be. Just not viewed as a good one. She involved them and choose that. She had the choice to not get them involved, walk away if it was so bad. I also tried R with her and she lied to me and them. Flat out said I wont see him or call him anymore. My kids said you sure and she said yes. I found out she lied and she lied to them too. D filed the next day. Mom yes, good mom... not so much.

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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

confusednAlone said:


> She was a mother and still will be.


A mother doesn't throw her family down the drain to get some strange c0ck rammed into her in the backseat of the family car.

Biologically related yes, but a real mother she is not. You insult all mothers calling her one.


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## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> A mother doesn't throw her family down the drain to get some strange c0ck rammed into her in the backseat of the family car.
> 
> Biologically related yes, but a real mother she is not. You insult all mothers calling her one.


Read my next line. Not very good one. I cant change that title no matter how bad she is. Trust me I wish I could. 

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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

confusednAlone said:


> Read my next line. Not very good one. I cant change that title no matter how bad she is. Trust me I wish I could.


I wouldn't give her the honor of the title. Plenty of mothers out there who aren't biologically related. Takes more than pumping out a baby between your legs. That's my opinion.


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## confusednAlone (Aug 15, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> I wouldn't give her the honor of the title. Plenty of mothers out there who aren't biologically related. Takes more than pumping out a baby between your legs. That's my opinion.


I respect your opinion and I see where you are coming from. I grow up without a father. He was never around when I grew up and the day I finally met him 14-15 years later, he actually had the gull to say to me, you can call me Dad instead of my first name. I laughed at him and said that is earned and you didn't earn that right. 

Now flip it, she did horrible things and all not only to me and the kids but she has been their mother this whole time and before. In my opinion a bad one but still a mother. That's not for me or anyone to take away. Even ones that abuses, neglects or worse. They may be the worse and awful women on the planet but they are biologically the mother regardless. 

I had a bad relationship with mine on some unrelated issues and I called her by her name for years, eventually I gave in and now call her mom to this day. My kids have to make that choice on their own. Thanks for your input and replies. I just don't agree to whole extent. 

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## Bongo (Aug 24, 2016)

confusednAlone said:


> How do I bottle them up? I don't encourage them to cast judgement. They are not babies they do understand what she did and does. It does bother me when they run to her sometimes but another poster said it well, they are fullfilling their duty as her kids, doesn't mean they feel the same way they used too. At the end of the day, she will have to face reality. I love you mom will not come as often as is it did and the respect is lost that I already was told.
> 
> Who needs a signature?


My kids all know and it has affected how they feel about their mom. Now, they see her for what she is and they are able to process all the weird, NPD stuff she does more rationally. Biggest mistake would be to undermine their accurate perceptions of her. It would constitute gaslighting, IMO.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Bongo said:


> My kids all know and it has affected how they feel about their mom. Now, they see her for what she is and they are able to process all the weird, NPD stuff she does more rationally. Biggest mistake would be to undermine their accurate perceptions of her. It would constitute gaslighting, IMO.


What's your story friend? I hope you will consider posting a thread in the near future.


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