# My friend left her husband and baby



## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

I am here to share my friend's problem and what should I do now that she is asking my help??!!

I know this girl from school, we are study partners and sharing our family life. She told me that she was planning to leave her husband because he was boring and don't let her go out with her friends (the reason why?: she kissed a man at the club when she went with her other friends one night and her friend told her husband about it).

Now, after all my advices to not leave for the sake of her 18month old baby and continue her schooling, she decided the opposite! I found out that she was hanging out and travelling with another man on fb (the man is older half her age)! The new man bought her stuff and other things that a girl wants but the guy said "I feel that you don't really love me and here is the plane ticket, go back to your home".

Well, obviously she keeps calling me and asking me if she could stay at my house for the meantime but I can't let her stay at my house becuase I live with my boyfriend and we have also have a baby. She told me that she is going with another man from another state and that if i wanted to help her to stay at my house temporarily. I am confused really.. am I really a good friend or not? She have problem with men and I don't really know her well and I was thinking if she stays at my house and I'll be responsible of her if she decided to stay for long becoz she really don't have family close to her and other friends don't like her anymore.. 

Am I being a bad person for not letting her stay at my house? or maybe I was just worried that she will flirt with my man!!! becoz she told me once that he was really handsome and she wish she could find someone like him someday!!! so now she is posting on her fb about fake friends and real friends!! i think shes making me feel guilty for not helping her! 

Honestly, my point is: I will only help she was being abused by her husband! but it was her problem and she made a mistake!!

Should I continue talking to her?

Thank you!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

When you say school, do you mean college? Or high school, because your friend sounds incredibly immature. 

Don't make yourself responsible for her or her, do you want her bringing back booty-calls to your house at 2 AM? She didn't leave her husband, because he was abusive, or was doing drugs, or was being dangerous. She left because she isn't mature enough (whatever her age) to handle her responsibilities, and instead wants to abandon her husband, and worse her child - to be a man-hopping club-girl. 

No, you aren't a bad person for not letting her stay with you, don't enable her behavior. Don't give her the idea you condone it by saying it is okay. Don't become financially responsible for her because she moves into your home and won't leave. 

No, I wouldn't continue talking to her, and I'd unfriend her on Facebook, that sounds like undue drama, I'd expect from a teenager to be honest. Anyone posting the "real friends/fake friends" BS, in my experience usually means - my friends didn't do what I wanted, and wouldn't tell me I'm right. Real friends don't encourage anyone to abandoned their children and commit rabid adultery with any man interested... 

Let her go.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

she calls her husband controlling because he won't let her continue crossing boundaries and having the security of him and the marriage while being able to have affairs at the same time.

this is all typical "affair script" stuff, you would benefit by reading the newbie link in my signature to learn about infidelity and the commonalities that waywards go through. 


Personally, I think you are absolutely right in taking this moral stance, taking her in is equivalent to validating her behavior and putting that aside, affairs get messy and you do not want that drama anywhere near you or your husband and child.


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

Thank you! We are both in nursing school! she is 25 yo! I texted her that I don't like what she was doing and she started talking about how judgy people are whilst she post pictures of her and her friends drinking and partying at the club! and she would state, "stop talking about me and mind your own business" I kinda stop texting her, actually becoz I feel like she only calls me when she needs me..


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Sometimes friends prove that they aren't really friends

If your friend showed any signs of remorse I'd give you some different advice, but this friend sounds completely selfish


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Shecheats said:


> I am here to share my friend's problem and what should I do now that she is asking my help??!!
> 
> I know this girl from school, we are study partners and sharing our family life. She told me that she was planning to leave her husband because he was boring and don't let her go out with her friends (the reason why?: she kissed a man at the club when she went with her other friends one night and her friend told her husband about it).
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

I must say that ,
I ADMIRE YOUR PERCEPTION 

Forget whatever she says about you on facebook.
She is trying to use emotional blackmail on you.

She got herself into trouble , she IS trouble ,she should grow up and handle her troubles.
If you allow her to take over your space [ home ] and life , you will only have trouble.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would also not let her stay at my house. I actually had a friend get mad at me because I will not let her stay in my house. This same friend told me that we could not even spend one night at her house when our electricity went out in the dead of winter, which we would never of stayed anyways. This was before she asked to move in. 

My husband works very hard for what we have. Adding more adults/children into the house is very stressful on everyone. I like my privacy and I do not want others here having the tv on at 2:30am keeping everyone up. Plus the food and costs of utilities goes up as well.

My parents moved in for a while when my dad lost his job, but they are family. Both my parents and I were happy the day they moved into their own new home. 

Would I do it, absolutely not. If your friend gets angry if you reject, she is not a good friend to you. Plus, I'm sure your bf would not be happy either.

It's your decision to stay friends. I'd be firm on the living situation.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's not a friend she's a user who saw you as someone to use.

She also isn't a good person. Her morals are horrible, leaving her 18 month old baby and husband so she can have a sugar daddy to party with.

Not only should you not let her stay with you, you should cut her out of your life and influence your frends to do the same. 

She's very much bad news and you don't want people like her around you or your family. Ever.


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

Yeah, she keeps saying that friends are only there when she is on top but if she is on trial they are gone! I will absolutely help her if it was reasonable to help! it was just she was very proud of herself even in the midst of her donwfall (that she did to herself) I told her many times before to stay with her husband and finish school but she never listen (she was actually talking with guys online dating already without my knowledge) when she left her husband, she feels so happy and she said she was free like a bird and all the stress was gone! I told her if you are happy then that is good.. I know it will only a matter of time that she will come back say that I am right and that I have to help her!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Her husband should have the kid DNA tested, he just might be raising another man's kid.


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

yeah, her husband's family is keeping the baby and she can't have her child anymore, she was crying about it but it is too late.. the action was committed and no turning back!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You do not have to help her. She's an adult and makes her own decisions. Very poor ones at that.

I'm with the others, cut ties with her. She is not a friend to you, but a user as posted above. Why put yourself through that stress? Letting her move in for any reason will put strain on you and your bf's relationship. 

If you do let her into your home, your also allowing a revolving door of strange men into your home as well. It's great she left her husband. He does not deserve to be treated with a wife that is constantly cheating. Or she will try and make moves on your boyfriend.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

You are making a very wise choice in not letting her move in with you. She sounds like someone to take advantage of anyone that lets her. She also sounds very selfish. 

Allowing her to stay with you is showing her you condone her actions. She has abandoned her baby so that she can enjoy herself. That is enough to truly show how cold a person she is. Don't allow her to make you feel guilty. You have a family of your own and do not want this person around them 24/7. I personally would not want her around at all. True friends don't put guilt on other friends for their own selfish reasons.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

She's selfish,immature and manipulative.
Full Stop.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I bet this girl also thought that the two of you should go out to a club together and have fun right? For some reason girls like her also want to drag others around them into their party girl lifestyle.

Run away before she breaks up you familly too.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Agree with Shaggy- if you want to hold onto your man, don't let this woman anywhere near your home!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

TRUST YOUR GUT COMPLETELY on this one!!!!!!!

You are being a good friend. If you allowed her to stay at your house, you would be enabling her bad behaviors & attitudes.

Stick to your guns about your beliefs & values towards relationships & marriage. You're right on track as far as I can see.

If she's still upset & still asks to stay at your house & starts the "guilt trip" texting & facebooking... I'd tell her one more time that

1) You will be her friend & listen to her vent if she needs to.
2) you will give her the best advice that you feel matches your own beliefs (going back & trying to work it out with her hubby).. 
3) You realize that her values might not match yours. Tell her you do not judge her for not matching your value system, but you will not compromise & allow her to stay with you. You just don't feel that it would get her back into the right track.
4) You are worried that she is doing self-destructive (emotionally) behaviors, and fear that maybe she needs some professional help to sort out why she is doing all this against her hubby & new child
5) That you will not respond to bullying or guilt type facebook posts or texts.

Say that you realize maybe it is a different friend that she is complaining about on facebook. That maybe someone else also will not let her stay with them... Then, again, offer to let her vent, but that is all you can do for her right now. 

Then LET IT BE. Follow thru & ignore & do not respond to anything that seems pushy or guilt-trippy.

I'd ask her how she is doing in a few days, or a week.. and if she asks again about staying with you (even for only one night!).. tell her, "No, I've already explained my feelings on that. I can't feel that it is right for you in my heart. My answer to that is no." Then go away from the topic & ask about her nursing school stuff.. or her baby.. etc.


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I bet this girl also thought that the two of you should go out to a club together and have fun right? For some reason girls like her also want to drag others around them into their party girl lifestyle.
> 
> Run away before she breaks up you familly too.


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

Yeah shaggy! I received an invite for tonight and I said no!  I think I have a really strong intuition and I have to really to stick to my gut feelings...(sometimes my gut feeling is wrong but most of the time it was helping me decide what to do! If im in doubt, I normally don't do it!)


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> TRUST YOUR GUT COMPLETELY on this one!!!!!!!
> 
> You are being a good friend. If you allowed her to stay at your house, you would be enabling her bad behaviors & attitudes.
> 
> ...



I am copy pasting this steps and send it to her is he keeps tripping and making me feel bad for not letting her stay at my house!  thank U!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

You're welcome.

I don't always have good advice, but this time.. (Like you said in an earlier post).. your gut feelings have steered you in the right direction mostly. 

I'd say you've got good guts. Keep following what they tell you & you'll keep a healthy emotional attitude far in life!.

Good Luck.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Oh.. I know this isn't really fair.. but, her attitude, just kinda screams "Casey Marie Anthony".. doesn't it??


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

She is what is known as a toxic friend.

She is destroying her marriage and her family -- and only wants people around who enable of encourage her toxic behavior.

My advice would be to stay away as far from her as possible.

Sounds like you are doing this --- so keep up the good work.

Good luck with nursing school.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Whatever you do keep this woman away from your husband. She is as toxic as it can get. Personally, if i was your husband and knew about all this i would even have issues with you hanging out with her. She is a menace to everyone in a relationship.



> she is 25 yo!


Mentally she has minus 10 years old than that.


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## Shecheats (Aug 11, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Whatever you do keep this woman away from your husband. She is as toxic as it can get. Personally, if i was your husband and knew about all this i would even have issues with you hanging out with her. She is a menace to everyone in a relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> Mentally she has minus 10 years old than that.



Yeah, I'm glad I don't go out with her at the club! She was asking me if fiance has guys looking for a date!! I said no! even if there are tons of them becoz I don't want to be in between of the drama if she starts acting crazy towards my bf's friend!!

I love yall guys! everytime I come here! everything is very positive and helpful!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This woman is bad news. You are wise to not let her stay at your place.

I too would not trust her around my boyfriend. It sounds like she now needs another guy to support her and she's on the prowl.
.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Normally I'd say remain a friend to her, listen to her and be there for emotional support - except in this case I don't think she really understands or appreciates your friendship - you want to be friend to her, but it seems all she wants from you is to be an enabler for her.

She is a cheater, is reading right from the cheaters script and she will use you just as she was using her H to provide her needs while she gives nothing back in return, even when she bounces back from the dark place she is in.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the moral stance, she has essentially drawn the line in the sand and forcing you to pick sides, so pick the one you know is right - enabling the cheater or supporting a friend.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

It's good that you are not enabling her behavior. I wouldn't remain friends with her. She doesn't want to be friends. Instead, she wants someone to acknowledge that she deserves to party. I wouldn't be comfortable with her hanging around my husband.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Shecheats said:


> I am here to share my friend's problem and what should I do now that she is asking my help??!!
> 
> I know this girl from school, we are study partners and sharing our family life. She told me that she was planning to leave her husband because he was boring and don't let her go out with her friends (the reason why?: she kissed a man at the club when she went with her other friends one night and her friend told her husband about it).
> 
> ...


I would not agree to let someone stay in my home if I know they lie, betray people they're supposed to care about, and don't meet their responsibilities.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would also suggest you talk to others in your social circle and tell them his you feel and to encourage them to cut her out. This chick is a users and Chester. Not a friend,


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You did the right thing, see poeple like your "friend" have a habit of bring there own issues to the front door.

I remember my chick had a friend and someone wanted to kill her and blah blah blah. I told my wife that no way are we bring in that person, cuz when your bring her in you bring he lifestyle in also. 

It was an easy converstion and wife aggreed since this happened to us in the first year of a our marriage (a long time ago) and it was the only time in my life I had to pull a gun out infront of my kids cuz some crazy guy followed his ex GF and her car over to my house when my wife was getting dropped off.

Again when you invite poeple to live with you, you also invite there problems....and don't we all have enough of our own problems???


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I may have sounded selfish, but there are so many other ways to support a friend then to bring them into your family home.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

the guy said:


> I may have sounded selfish, but there are so many other ways to support a friend then to bring them into your family home.


I completely agree! 

There's this woman that keeps asking me to move her and her children into my home and says she has zero money to afford her own place. This is not true. She has a very good paying job(20+ an hour) and has proved that she can make it on her own and pay her bills, this includes full cable, Internet, cell phone bills. Her parents no longer are willing support her and her children. 

I will not destroy my marriage by letting someone in that is fully capable of supporting themselves. There are also shelters to go to when in need. I will not let others take advantage of my husbands hard work that gives us our home, food, and luxuries. Yes, this could put our marriage at jeopardy I believe. 

It's beyond stressful allowing others into your home. We've done it before and it was not easy at all. It's not only stressful for us, but the kids get stressed too. I'll let family in, but I do draw the line at friends.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

She is being irresponsible and fb isn't the place to air one's grievences with friends. She sounds immature and you absolutely should be worried that she would be flirting with your husband. Better not to go there.


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