# my marriage becoming loveless



## james1985 (Dec 16, 2019)

I shall cut to the chase i'm new here joined as getting little desperate with my marriage situation...been married 5 years...we had our ups and downs in marriage... she is from Indonesia and I'm from the uk so there are some culture differences. we first met on the cruise ship we both worked on 6 and half years ago. in the early years we were extremely close etc etc, nowadays like really big problem ask her for sex, we still do it but only if i ask, even tried not asking and weeks and weeks or even a month goes by without anything. she used be so passionate in early days now i basically feel i am in a loveless marriage we only really together for sake of our 3 year old son....if wasn't for my son id 100% just walked by now in all honestly...but i don't want to leave my son and being from two different country's does make it harder. I have talked to her honestly about it but she says she always tired that she does still love me...but some our fights have been very intense at times with everything happened way our sex life is makes me feels confused...am i over looking something? i be honest sometimes when i ask to do it she gets pissed off with me asking her words "IM TIRED CANT U UNDERSTAND THAT" personally i don't understand it because its tired all the time i always one asking. one time even joked just feels like i lodging with the landlady in our place


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

She needs to be checked by a doctor, to ensure nothing physically is wrong, then maybe a marriage counselor. And if not I'm kinda at a loss due to her being from Indonesia.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I would make sure she fully understands how you feel about it, and if there's something that you can help with that would make a difference in her being tired. I don't expect anything to come of that, but it's important that you give her the chance to show that it's actually a "simple" issue of being tired and not something more complicated (which it likely is... more complicated).

Once you find there's nothing that you can actually to do help, start with MC and explain your feelings to the hopefully-neutral counselor. Once there's validation of the issue being a problem, the question becomes one of what each is willing to do to help solve the problem... or not. And it is a relatively safe environment to talk about the consequences. Actually not as "safe" as it is an environment in which those consequences will likely be taken more seriously by your partner. You can discuss the type of counseling you'll both need in order to be prepared to be co-parents instead of married. 

Best of luck-


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

I would recommend that you rule out any health issues first. Could there be a physical or mental health component here? Any history of depression, post partem or personality disorder? Any physical issues that would make sex painful for her? 

How many hours a week does she work and how physically demanding is it?

Culturally, how compatible are you two? Religion? And where do you live; in the UK or Indonesia? What would a divorce or separation look like?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Matt Matt, maybe you can help us out here, your knowledge is invaluable since you know of many cultures.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> Matt Matt, maybe you can help us out here, your knowledge is invaluable since you know of many cultures.


Sounds like a health issue rather than a cultural one.
@james1985 have her checked by a doctor. In fact, have a well man/well woman session arranged, if you can.

BTW, where are you living at the moment?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I assume that you are working fulling time, is that right?

Is your wife a stay at home mom (SAHM), or does she also have a job?

What percentage of the child care and household chores is she doing?

I do agree with the others that your wife needs to be evaluated by a doctor to figure out why she is so tired all the time. Approach it from a loving point of view. You love her, you are concerned because she should not be so tired all the time.


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