# Our 39+ years



## whowouldhavethought

My wife and I celebrated our 39 th anniversary and have been together for 41 years. She is 73 and I am 65.

Our marriage has lasted so long because we quickly realized we had to negotiate any issues that arose. Typically she or I want something and we get it. Money has never been an issue for us but then we have rather plain taste.

If either of us wants something and the other says no, then no it is. This rarely occurs.

On the other hand, it either of us really really wants something he or she gets it unless the other really really does not. For example, I no longer drive. My wife wanted us to buy a second home close to our daughter. While I was willing to get the second home, I absolutely refused to get one in the same suburb as my daughter. It is in an area where you need to get around.

As a compromise, we are taking a six month lease in an active adult community about 30 minutes away. The rental comes furnitures. The community has a gym, clubs, and things for me to do. If at he end of the six months, we do not like the community, we will rent an apartment in the large downtown core near my daughter.

In addition, we have never gone to bed mad at each other; every day I tell her I am madly, deeply, and passionately in love with her; and in my eyes she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen


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## Emerging Buddhist

Thank you for sharing.


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## EleGirl

Very nice post. It's refreshing to hear from someone whose relationship has worked out well for so long. 

I've read that the secret to a good marriage is for both people to have the goal of making sure their spouse gets what they want. Sounds like that worked for you.


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## Betrayedone

If I have never been madly, deeply, passionately in love with someone does that make me weird? Or just unlucky? I don't think I have it in me........I envy you


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## Young at Heart

whowouldhavethought said:


> My wife and I celebrated our 39 th anniversary and have been together for 41 years. She is 73 and I am 65.
> 
> Our marriage has lasted so long because we quickly realized we had to negotiate any issues that arose. ....
> 
> *If either of us wants something and the other says no, then no it is.* This rarely occurs....


First congratulations! 

I agree that negotiations are a very important part of a long term marriage!

Recently, I have been reading David Schnarch's book Intimacy & Desire and they have an interesting concept in the book.

The concept is that sex (and just about anything) between a couple is all about "leftovers." He has a fun and confrontational style of writing that make one really stop and think.

What he means is that if one person is dead set against something, it isn't going to happen. It doesn't really matter if it is a particular sex act or if it is anchovies on your shared pizza. If your partner really doesn't want it, it won't happen. As a result you get what is left over, hence what a couple has, is just the left overs from things they can't agree on.

Yes, we need to be considerate of our spouse, we need to be willing to stretch ourselves and try things that our spouse wants but we aren't sure about, but still it is about compromise and negotiation.

Thanks for sharing.

P.S. I have been married to my wife for over 47 years.


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## Vinnydee

You sound just like us except we are married 46+ years. The way you went through your marriage is the same as we did.


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## Married but Happy

Young at Heart said:


> The concept is that sex (and just about anything) between a couple is all about "leftovers." He has a fun and confrontational style of writing that make one really stop and think.
> 
> What he means is that if one person is dead set against something, it isn't going to happen. It doesn't really matter if it is a particular sex act or if it is anchovies on your shared pizza. If your partner really doesn't want it, it won't happen. As a result you get what is left over, hence what a couple has, is just the left overs from things they can't agree on.


Interesting way to think of it, but accurate. "Honey, let's have leftovers again, tonight!"


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## Rejectedliver

Do you still have sex ??


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