# Devistated over breakup



## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

My wife left me 3 weeks ago because of my insecurity issues we have been married 2 years together for 9.
In that time she had befriended an old school friend who she kept in contact with but was more than a friend.
He would send her filthy pictures of himself and she woud send pictures of herself in underwear along with texts..
I found out before we were married after being the major bread winner and doing everything to keep a roof over our heads and cope with her very difficult daughter.
It tore me apart, but after calming down i forgave her but she said it was over between us..i couldn't believe it all she put me though and all i had done and she finished it! I went crazy, ended up being arrested and put in a cell overnight for damaging our rental property. I did not harm anyone nor did i want to i felt betrayed and wanted to end my own life and suffering.
So she left then and months went by and gradually we started talking again..we still had feelings for one another..we dated several times...slept together..then she finished it again saying her family hated me for going mad and thought i was some psycho..i was upset by this..but again after a short while she came back and we got back together..her saying that we were important and her family would come round in time.
I was so happy we lived together with her daughter and my daughter stayed with us every couple of weekends..
We were getting on fine and decided to get married much to her families disgust...but we did it for us..a small wedding as we had both been married before..a lovely day.
Things were ok for a while i had started my own business and i guess that was stressful..she worked a part time job, we coped with things. Then last year she had a kidney infection and nearly died..i was by her side and terribly worried for her she was in hospital for 2 weeks. When she came out i helped out as much as i could as she couldn't do much, it was good to just have her back. Time went on and my long lost father contacted me after 35 years..he lives in spain and invited us both out..We booked the tickets but the day before Debbie said she was worried about her health and didn't want to go..i was a little upset by this but respected her decision and flew alone.
A few days later she flew out to be with me saying she loved and wanted to support me..anyway it went bad with my fathers wife and we left and a had 5 days in Spain in a hotel on our own and had a great time together. When we got back the next morning i checked her phone out of curiosity as before we went out she sent me some photos of herself and mentioned a word that her friend had used in his previous texts..Oh my god! They had been skyping each other for over a month before our 1st anniversary, explicit and again sending photos...i was heartbroken..i confronted her she said it meant nothing and i was everything..i went for a walk to try and work out whar to do..this was the third time with him..he just wouldn't go away.
I loved her her though and decided to forgive her and put it behind us...but my trust in her had gone. I constantly checked her phone and was so insecure..it wasn't nice living like that..she said it was over but i could never be sure.
This will sound so odd and wrong but i changed the way i thought about it..i told her to meet up with him and get it over with..To get it out of her system once and for all..after a long time in February this year she went to his house and they did it.
She came home saying that she loved me and it wasn't what she thought it would be like..but i don't think she wanted to stop it.
I said that was the end she had what she wanted, it just drove us apart and after 2 weeks i moved out unable to deal with it.
He incidentally has a pretty wife and 3 children a good job the lot..so i sent his wife a message telling her all about them both..without a reply.
We kept talking and said we could put it behind us and move on..she and her daughter moved in with me and we tried to work it out..i couldn't stop worrying and checking her phone i found lots more old photos he had sent..it had been going on right after we were married and never stopped..this killed me inside..i trusted her time and time again..i didn't want to try anymore i didn't give her much attention and we both drifed apart..her saying that it was all my fault for being insecure and that it was over after they last met..but i know she kept checking for his emails just in case..anyway 3 weeks ago her snd her daughter left..saying that she couldn't do this anymore..i was distaught again..what had i done why couldn't i just have let it go and not worried about it! I begged her to come back and pleaded with her but to no avail, she moved in with a friend and her daughter stayed with her dad. I kept texting her to come back i was sorry..i was in a bad way again..i thought it was over and in a low moment i printed off all the photos he sent her along with the messages and handed it to his wife and walked away..
A few days passed and we started talking again, went out to lunch and were getting back on track..saying we can move on from it...then last week after meeting her in town she ran into his wife..she went mad..and let rip on Debbie and said how could she stay with a deranged husband like me..
Debbie came into my work and said id humiliated her and wanted to know what id done..i didn't say but said it all didn't matter now..she walked off..later messaged me saying that how could i have done that and it was over..i guess she had emailed him and he told her what I'd done.
I called and texted her for 2 days but she did not reply then eventually on Friday last week we talked. I explained it was done in a state of madness and i regretted doing it i said that we can now leave it behind and we can get on with our lives..but no..she said i had destroyed the last bit of trust she had for me and for me not to contact her anymore. I said please don't talk to him she said it didnt matter anymore..i said just have the weekend to think about i will call her on Monday(today) and that was the last time i spoke to her..
Im sorry this is such a long story but there is more obviously inbetween..without all this crap with them we have always been good together the only arguments coming ftom this..i love her so much and want no other, i have issues that she has given me over the years and im now having counselling..
I want her back, but fear i haved pushed her back into his arm's if he has split with his wife..i don't think he would as he has a good thing there and 3 children he would be fighting to keep it together..but she might be talking to him and consoling him..
These thoughts drive me crazy..i feel im the victim yet im the one in this position once again pining for my wife..
Im not going to contact her today as i heard the no contact rule is a way forward but maybe im giving her what she really wants anyway by doing that.
All her furniture is in my house and i hate seeing it as i just think of her..
Im a mess my business is taking a hit i just cant think of anything else..i really dont want to be around anymore..


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You think you want her back, she does NOT love you and has only been using you. She has no love nor respect for you if she can go and simply sleep with another man and destroy his family too. You are the victim here and don't let her browbeat you into thinking other wise!

Use this time to break all contact, go dark and get you life back together and move on. Otherwise you will be stuck in this cycle of misery forever, there are women out there who will not put you through this. You made the mistake of rug sweeping when she did it the first time and it will not stop. Any man condoning his wife sleeping with another man surely has a major problem, in some warped way she is probably thinking you are not a man she can depend on, when you allowed that.

Typical cheaters will deflect the blame onto the BS, this is not your fault (except for the condoning and rug sweeping). Your WW is playing you for a fool, you had every right to expose her and POSOM to the wife, do not fall for that.

YOu destroyed the trust she says? that is laughable, please she needs to get real and own what she has been doing, you have to stop chasing her and sucking up to her. Your wife has betrayed you over and over. Stop succumbing to her skewed version of events and take your life back, control YOUR life.

It is good you are in counselling

Get a good lawyer
expose to his family/your family/friends, etc
File for divorce
Go dark, do the 180
Remove her furniture and put it in storage - send her a storage fee
Change the locks on your house
Do you have a second in command in your business that you could take a bit of time off to take a holiday or something, get away and regroup?

You will get through this.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Dear Aine, thank you for your reply.
It was to the point and i respect that and agree with what you said..
Ive sent her a message today to ask for a chat..no reply yet..
I know what i should be doing but im so cut up about her i just want her back so we can start again and leave all this behind us.
I run my own business but can take time off although ill just take my heartache with me wherever i go..This is destroying me..if i dont contact her she will move on and either start seeing him again or with someone else..if i remove her things then that is admitting defeat rather than fighting for our marriage.
I cant contemplate divorce...again thats giving up i don't want my marriage to fail over this.
Im stuck in limbo..cant eat or sleep and dont want to go out. I feel like i have no hope and to be honest wished i was gone.
Although i haven't the balls to do it adding the word coward to the list of my **** attributes!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Robert....please tell me you are finally waking up....she is a cheater and she is playing mind games with you....dear god you should have stayed away the first time....she cheats and then blames you on insecurity....like the poster above....get the hell out of this marriage....and for dear god meet better quality people....get it through your head she does not love you....if she did she would not pull this crap.

The marriage before it even started....the only text you send is divorce.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Im not strong enough..i still love her and don't want to give up..i know im pathetic ive read so many blogs and visited lotd of sites offering advice and agree to it all..but i am still me and just very scared of letting go of someone i care about and love even after whats she's done..


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Detach and trust her behavioral pattern instead of what she promises.

Work on you and your business. Get your life together because you do not have a partner that is likely to support you or is a stable element in your life. She is making you more dysfunctional to match her.

Being with her, you cannot be the person you want to be, and your life will most likely be stable in the process. You can expend time and energy into that give you a higher probability of a fulfilling life, and that is you. Once you are mentally healthy, you will find someone who can better match to what you are looking for in a partner.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Im so on my own with this, i have no real family, i have just text her 'do you want our marriage to finish because of this?'
And 'do you want a divorce?'
If she replies yes then i guess i will have closure..and move on.
Maybe shes back talking to him and he's running me down because of what i did to him and his family..then i don't have a chance.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Robert121 said:


> Im so on my own with this, i have no real family, i have just text her 'do you want our marriage to finish because of this?'
> And 'do you want a divorce?'
> If she replies yes then i guess i will have closure..and move on.
> Maybe shes back talking to him and he's running me down because of what i did to him and his family..then i don't have a chance.



Or, you could work on your self-worth and believe that you deserve someone who is loyal as long as you both respect and care for one another.

She may be using you for the stability and the OM is probably used for excitement.

She gets the best of both worlds, and she does it at your expense of feeling safe, cared for, etc.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Robert, I have to be completely honest here. I thought that you were "trolling", posting a fake story just to get people riled up...until I read replies and realized others are taking you seriously.

Do you know why I thought you were trolling? Because that's how insanely far-fetched your story is. She cheats on you once, twice, three times, four times...and you still forgive her and take her back? The only thing I was happy to read was this sentence...

"..i thought it was over and in a low moment i printed off all the photos he sent her along with the messages and handed it to his wife and walked away.."

I wish you had left it at that, and walked away from your wife as well. Yet, you're allowing her to turn this ON YOU and tell YOU that YOU have destroyed the trust and are not trustworthy? That's laughable.

Yes, you love her. A lot of us love people who absolutely tear our lives and our souls apart, unfortunately. And it's better you leave these people behind and focus on yourself. It sounds like you need counselling and therapy to work on why you're so codependant...and I'm glad to hear you're in counselling. Find strength. Don't let people treat you this way. Don't react and go psycho either...that's not healthy. Find a way to STOP THEM from hurting you by simply WALKING AWAY and not looking back. No drama. Let go of the pain.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Orange_Pekoe said:


> Robert, I have to be completely honest here. I thought that you were "trolling", posting a fake story just to get people riled up...until I read replies and realized others are taking you seriously.
> 
> Do you know why I thought you were trolling? Because that's how insanely far-fetched your story is. *She cheats on you once, twice, three times, four times...and you still forgive her and take her back? The only thing I was happy to read was this sentence...*
> 
> ...


And she leaves you because you're insecure...?!? Any guy -- having forgiven his wife for adultery not once, not twice, not three times, BUT FOUR TIMES -- would be a bit insecure about his marriage. Not that many guys would do that, mind you.

And now she doesn't trust YOU?!? You've destroyed HER trust?!? Give. Me. A. F*ck. Ing. Break.

Dude. For reals. Put this shameless slore in your rearview on go on w/ your life w/o her.

File for divorce ASAP, and never look back.

*EVER.*


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Thanks guy's i really appreciate your words they are very powerful and have given me a resl boost..no its not a made up story i am ashamed to say..ive been such an idiot to have put up with it for all these years..
I just never want to fail especially with my marriage..ive sent her a couple of emails saying that she used me and that shes untrustworthy and ill never forgive her for that..i also said im packing her things up on Thursday and putting into storage and sending her the bill...also sorting out the divorce and naming that cheating scumbag in the proceedings..i still love her...crazy...but i must get closure its ruining me. Again i can't thank you all enough for helping me and seeing reason if your ever in Kings Lynn Norfolk Uk then i owe you all a beer! It means alot.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Robert, the main problem with this marriage now is you!

I cannot believe you let her go sleep with him to get it out of her system!

Grow a pair and get rid of her. This is not love you have for her but more like some fear of losing her!

You really need to overcome this fear and then file for divorce.

Get some professional help with overcoming the fear.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Yes I also have to say that I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that you actually TOLD HER to go sleep with the other man so that it could get out of her system.

Please use counselling as a way to boost your own self-image and self-esteem. You aren't treating yourself well, so why should your wife? I agree with the other poster that you are dealing with an extreme fear of losing your wife even though you know that having her as a part of your life is DESTROYING you.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

I know that what i did was wrong..but thought it was the only way it would finish..i tried everything else..it sickens me now to see what i have become how it has made me a wreck of a man..i can't help wanting to try to get her back..ive sent messages shes blocked me on whats ap..not replying. 
I said some horrible things in an email last night because i was so frustrated..just words i didnt mean them..i get strong and think F**ck you then im so upset and message her again..This is my fault if i hadn't given those things to his wife then we could have got through it..now im living a life of pain and misery..i dont want her to take her things really as they are all i have of her..why is this so hard?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Well, my guess is that she lost attraction for you and sex can and is one of the most powerful forms of bonding.

Your goal should not to be to win her back but improve your self worth. Even if she does come back in this low probability of a scenario, you will still be miserable with her and need to learn to let go and be more of your own person.

There needs to be a healthy level of separation between you and another person. You are your own individual and you should learn what defines you as your own person.

Two dysfunctional people will still create a dysfunctional marriage.

Were you this way before you were in a relationship with her, or did you develop this way. You do not have a healthy level of detachment.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

I was previously with someone for 16 years married for 12..never once did i feel insecure with her, we just grew out of love, i have a strong outgoing personality..i am involved with amateur dramatics and i started my own successful business 2 years ago on my own..im not some miserable low life, our sex life has always been good and im a very considerate person who always puts people first..
But...since ive been with her i now have big insecurity issues, i was always worried that she was talking to him or someone else, checking her phone..thats how i found out those times she was cheating..
The bottom line is i still love her and never gave up on her because if you put this thing aside we do get on well and share lots of common interests.
I dont find it possible to go 180 or to do the 30 day no contact..how the hell can you do that? If i pull away then she will get further away and get on without me without a care..i know i might be irritating her with my messages (if she gets them..blocked?) 
But im her husband and im trying to fight to keep us together. Of course me giving that material to his wife might drive him back to my wife to console each other so my own actions could have bought them back together..if i found that out then i would make him pay.. you see this is my messed up mind..i can't help think of whats she doing and wanting to call her..44 year old complete disaster of a man.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Robert121 said:


> I was previously with someone for 16 years married for 12..never once did i feel insecure with her, we just grew out of love...


Interesting.

Any infidelity in that relationship? I ask because the "grew out of love" line seems like something that a wayward spouse would say to minimize his or her actions.



Robert121 said:


> ...i have a strong outgoing personality..i am involved with amateur dramatics and i started my own successful business 2 years ago on my own..im not some miserable low life...


And yet you have all the self-respect of an angst-filled teenager.



Robert121 said:


> ...our sex life has always been good and im a very considerate person who always puts people first..
> But...since ive been with her i now have big insecurity issues, i was always worried that she was talking to him or someone else, checking her phone..thats how i found out those times she was cheating..
> The bottom line is i still love her and never gave up on her because if you put this thing aside we do get on well and share lots of common interests.


Dude, she's done w/ you, and she's told you as much w/ both her words and actions. Wherever and whoever she's with right now, she's laughing at how pathetic and weak you are. She's endlessly entertained that you've been so willing to accommodate her need to sleep around just so that you won't lose her.

If and when she comes back to you, it will be for what you provide and not that she loves you. And she'll be back just long enough to get what she needs in order to sustain her immoral behavior.



Robert121 said:


> I dont find it possible to go 180 or to do the 30 day no contact..how the hell can you do that?


You just do it!



Robert121 said:


> If i pull away then she will get further away and get on without me without a care...


That's the point.



Robert121 said:


> i know i might be irritating her with my messages (if she gets them..blocked?)


Stop caring about what is and isn't annoying her. Cut her out of your life, and stop caring about her. Period.



Robert121 said:


> But im her husband and im trying to fight to keep us together. Of course me giving that material to his wife might drive him back to my wife to console each other so my own actions could have bought them back together..if i found that out then i would make him pay.. you see this is my messed up mind..i can't help think of whats she doing and wanting to call her..44 year old complete disaster of a man.


You can't reconcile your marriage w/o her, and she's not having any of it. She's probably w/ OM. Just accept it and move on.

A huge part of the reason that you're grasping so desperately for your WW is that you can't handle not having control over your own life. You can't control her. Accept that, let her go, and move on w/o her.

And if she comes back, tell her to GTFO.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Thanks..just what i wanted to hear.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Robert121 said:


> I was previously with someone for 16 years married for 12..never once did i feel insecure with her, we just grew out of love, i have a strong outgoing personality..i am involved with amateur dramatics and i started my own successful business 2 years ago on my own..im not some miserable low life, our sex life has always been good and im a very considerate person who always puts people first..
> But...since ive been with her i now have big insecurity issues, i was always worried that she was talking to him or someone else, checking her phone..thats how i found out those times she was cheating..
> The bottom line is i still love her and never gave up on her because if you put this thing aside we do get on well and share lots of common interests.
> I dont find it possible to go 180 or to do the 30 day no contact..how the hell can you do that? If i pull away then she will get further away and get on without me without a care..i know i might be irritating her with my messages (if she gets them..blocked?)
> But im her husband and im trying to fight to keep us together. Of course me giving that material to his wife might drive him back to my wife to console each other so my own actions could have bought them back together..if i found that out then i would make him pay.. you see this is my messed up mind..i can't help think of whats she doing and wanting to call her..44 year old complete disaster of a man.


You are obsessive over her and the other man.
Your self-worth is very low, you have to build it up. The first step is to not let toxic people harm you. She is a toxic person and is directly harming you...can't you see it? It's like loving a cancer...go ahead and love her but cut that sh!t out of your life right now.

Be strong.

You deserve better.

She decided to cheat. You didn't destroy the trust, she did. Nothing you could say or do can un-do her decision to cheat on you multiple times. Let go of the guilt.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Your right..she is toxic and ive been living in purgatory for years thinking its all my fault and forgiving her time and time again just because i didnt want to lose her..
She made me what i am and used it to deflect the guilt and blame onto me, i know all this and also know all your words are totally true..
Ive got to man up and get back on track, get busy and stop obsessing over her. Its just that nagging pain that doesn't stop..but it will get better for crying out loud im 44 freaking years old...crazy!


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Why is this so damn hard, another day and no contact, ive emailed her to give me back my house key and to pick up her furniture etc..also that i want our marriage certificate (to file for divorce) i also need her address in order to serve the divorce papers to her..but she won't ansawer me in any format..What the hell do i do..? 
I want to move on but even now she has the upper hand..and in another way i don't want it to happen as i hope of reconciliation when she realises her mistake..
Its just a vicious circle of crap..i miss her dreadfully ive never not spoken to her for so long..i know she doesn't want me and will just pop up in a few weeks when she has her new place and say 'i want my furniture now'...ive got to live with this stuff all around me and reminding me of her every day its not good..if i put it in storage then i will have to pay..she is being such a b*tch.
On a positive note i joined a gym today and gonna get fit..even got a date with a 30 year old very attractive girl this Friday..
Do i try and make sure she knows about it or just leave it..its just an ego thing..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If you have a garage, move all of her stuff into it. If not, rent a cheap storage unit and spend a weekend moving all of her stuff into it.

Just do it. It'll be therapeutic.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Robert121 said:


> Why is this so damn hard, another day and no contact, ive emailed her to give me back my house key and to pick up her furniture etc..also that i want our marriage certificate (to file for divorce) i also need her address in order to serve the divorce papers to her..but she won't ansawer me in any format..What the hell do i do..?
> I want to move on but even now she has the upper hand..and in another way i don't want it to happen as i hope of reconciliation when she realises her mistake..
> Its just a vicious circle of crap..i miss her dreadfully ive never not spoken to her for so long..i know she doesn't want me and will just pop up in a few weeks when she has her new place and say 'i want my furniture now'...ive got to live with this stuff all around me and reminding me of her every day its not good..if i put it in storage then i will have to pay..she is being such a b*tch.
> On a positive note i joined a gym today and gonna get fit..even got a date with a 30 year old very attractive girl this Friday..
> Do i try and make sure she knows about it or just leave it..its just an ego thing..


Pack all her stuff and put in garage or front porch. Email and tell her its ready to be picked up. Don't wait for her to make a "power play" and show up to pack etc when she feels like it. For as much as it hurts to pack the stuff its worse watching them do it. 

Have her served papers at work, don't bother asking for her address. She won't give it to you and if she knows its coming she will probably avoid it. 

Quit sending her any emails, texts or calls right now. The only thing it accomplishes right now is she knows you are thinking about her. She could care less the content of information at this time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Loading her stuff into a self storage unit today, very difficult and in tears most of the time..i know that sounds very unmanly, but everything i see has a meaning and a past..I dont want to do it but i have no choice.
My life is so Sh*t i just want my wife back, its just not right, i miss her terribly..this is so crazy..they said that the gym takes your mind of things..thats not true because all i could do was think of her..its all i do all day and i hate myself for it. I guess i am the exception to the rule, this is never going to end, whats the point? Love and life is just pain..endless pain i really don't want to go on, i would happily pay someone to shoot me right now.


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## TrustlostHearbroken (Jun 22, 2015)

It's ok to cry even if you're a man. Times like this would seem odd if you didn't. What you see are memories of the good times. That's the thing, though. They are now just memories. She is no longer the woman you remember. The woman is dead now in your heart. That's why it's so painful, but life continues and it will get better in time. That's why you have to be diligent when it comes to the 180. You have to come to the conclusion that the marriage is over now and it is by your choice now. Not hers.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Thanks, i agree..im not contacting any more, its pointless. I am living in the past and reliving our good times. She has always had a big hold on me otherwise why would i have forgiven her so many times..
Ive just got to get on as best i can and wake up to the fact that she used me and never really cared. Thanks again.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Well into 2 days of no contact, was difficult last night as i was thinking what she was doing..i miss her so much she wasn't perfect and hurt me alot but i realise now how much she means to me. 
Im absolutely heartbroken and struggling to keep it together..ive acted needy and said some horrible things out of anger and sadness my emotions are everywhere.
She is moving on and leaving me behind and i am poweless to stop it..
Ive tried everything its been almost 2 weeks since ive seen her and can't believe that 8 years can be just discarded like that and love just switched off..i will continue with no contact but its hurting me and know that it suits her anyway. I can understand why people just give up and take their lives..its just impossible to escape your mind and thoughts and thats the only way out..


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

What to do:

Exercise-great for depression 
Get out and do stuff-especially stuff she did not like you to do
Lean on male friends-hang with your buddies and have fun

What not to do:

Alcohol/drugs-clouds judgement
Dating-hides your problems in another relationship
Contacting her-let her go

One more thing. You could use therapy. You have some controlling aspects of your personality that need to be unpackaged for understanding.

Sorry you are here.


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## leon1 (Sep 3, 2014)

Dont bother looking for the key back , just change the locks.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Robert121 said:


> Well into 2 days of no contact, was difficult last night as i was thinking what she was doing..i miss her so much she wasn't perfect and hurt me alot but i realise now how much she means to me.
> Im absolutely heartbroken and struggling to keep it together..ive acted needy and said some horrible things out of anger and sadness my emotions are everywhere.
> She is moving on and leaving me behind and i am poweless to stop it..
> Ive tried everything its been almost 2 weeks since ive seen her and can't believe that 8 years can be just discarded like that and love just switched off..i will continue with no contact but its hurting me and know that it suits her anyway. I can understand why people just give up and take their lives..its just impossible to escape your mind and thoughts and thats the only way out..


No contact is not hurting you, it's withdrawal. Whether no contact suits her or not is irrelevant. Your doing it to help yourself, not give her what she wants. 

You need to quit focusing on what she is doing.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Robert121 said:


> My life is so Sh*t *i just want my wife back*, its just not right, i miss her terribly..


You're life isn't sh!t, its going to get a lot better very soon. Trust the 180.

As for your cheating wife. They always get what's coming to them. It may take a while but they do. In fact, I predict this POS will get tired of her and she'll come crawling back to you. Don't take her back. She has no respect for you or marriage, she's just a very selfish child.

What you want back is not your wife. You want your dream of what your wife should have been like if she had any self respect and class. There are much better women out there who will appreciate the love you can give. Do what you must to end it with this one, dust yourself off and *start all over again*.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqC5YtutWAU


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

Wow. And I thought I was a mess. I was suicidal just a few weeks ago. 6 weeks ago, i seperated with my wife and went crazy. I wanted to die. Then i realized how my wife was a manipulating, evil person. Had a relationship waiting the day I left and is not shy about it. I wanted to die. I know that people will tell you the same crap "oh, go out and meet people, live your life" and that made me more messed up because i couldn't meet people and had no friends. My mind was owned by my deceiving wife, and I could not function without her. I Lost 20 lbs in a month from not eating, went psyco, had crazy dreams, took valium, and anti-depressants that helped numb me. My life was over and wanted someone to shoot me.
As hard as it is to believe, i'm only 6 weeks out from leaving the house and I could give a FVCK about the witch! Trust me, your co-dependant, a victim of a manipulator, who will play you like a puppet for as long as you let her. Don't think that no contact will have her thinking "Oh, good, he's making this easy for me!!".
Stick with it, and when she shows up (AND SHE WILL), tell her to fvck off, your not her bitcx any more and she's done enough damage to you. Even if she leaves, stay strong and wish her good luck, making sure she is convinced that you have 'seen the light' and are ready to move on. Then watch how fast she will be the begging puppy dog at your feet.
Also, please watch on you tube- 

Helen Mia Harris : how to overcome obsessive love & seperation anxiety: why does it hurt too much to let go?

You will feel an uncontrollable urge to let out hellish anger on her, when you hit the anger phase. I did, and now I laugh at all the energy I wasted on this skank, this person that I was suicidal over, trust me - 180, no contact, and this person will become a stranger to you eventually. See a doctor for anxiety, i used citalopram (generic for celexa). It's actually an anti-depressant, and the side effects suck- actually make things worse till you get over them, but it made me feel like 'fvck it, I don't care anymore'!
I weined off it, because I didn't want to become dependant on pills, maybe just a xanax sometimes, but they are addictive too. 
This woman has no respect for you. A 180 is so hard to stick to, especially when you do things that she won't even notice, but they are for you, mentally. She is so used to having a sucker to fall back on. Block her out of your mind, you HAVE TO, dont be Mr. Nice Guy! I was there man, co dependant nut wife, obsessed love, needy, wanting to slit my throat, wanting to choke her for dropping me out of the blue for someone, having alot planned out, and fvcking with my head, using me, and I was very obsessed, almost put myself in a nut hospital. As corny as it sounds, time truly does heal everything, unless you isolate yourself and keep letting her walk all over you. During seperations, us guys have selective memory. We only remember the good times, and kill ourselves with the 'what if I only did this differently, what If I tried that, I wish I did this more....."
If you want the pain to go away, you need to mentally block her, it will pay off, throw out everything in the house that reminds you of her. Pretend she's dead. Because as far as your future being better, it can only happen if she was dead. You have no future with this manipulator in your life. My gut hurts for you, because I know exactly what your going through. Let it go! I used to be petrified about being alone, now I'm scared that I like it! I play golf, and don't look at my watch anymore. I'm free because I freed myself of a psyco, but it was hell getting here, just stay strong. if you can deal without meds, do it. Overcoming grief naturally is so much healthier, you will come out if this a lot stronger. Meds hide everything, and all the $hit will come back to haunt you. Unless you meet mrs perfect - thats better than drugs.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I am so sorry this is happening to you. The best advice I can give you is that this process will take time. But you do eventually get through it. My ex-husband left me for another woman; I was devastated. But it's been almost a year now, and believe it or not I'm actually happier than I was for most of my marriage. But it took me time to get here. 
there were a lot of mind tricks I used during my grief. One was to except that I was grieving a death. Because the person he was no longer existed. I used to tell my friends that my husband was dead and the person who killed him was living in his body.

but I had a lot of days where I thought I would never feel OK again. But I did feel OK eventually. I still have moments of sadness, but I feel so much better not being with him now. You will feel that way eventually. but you're going to have to have some patience with yourself.


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Thank you for your kind replies and advice, it is comforting knowing that other people have shared my pain and have come out on the other side!
This will only be day 2 since the start of my 180, she never replied to my last email which basically said as im still her husband i would help her if she needed help..Got to work today and found out she is applying for social housing..she only works about 35 hours a month part time. Im sure it wont take her long to realise that her money wont stretch very far and then she will be looking for another mug to help her out, PARASITE! Then he will one day find out that he's in a relationship with 2, her and her cheating married man..
Im gutted and very upset by all this as ive forgiven her 3 times over her affair with the same man and all i did was show the evidence to his wife and that's why she left saying she could not trust me again!
Amazing..Insecure?? Well yes i was! a product of her lying cheating infidelity, how the hell could i be anything else.?
She was lucky to have me and its her loss..
Im hitting the Gym and getting fitter and going to get my business in better shape too..neglected so much lately..But im doing it for me and not to win her back..i know ill have low weak moments and sad times but i also know i will get stronger every day as long as i stick to the 180.
A question though what happens if she asks about her things in storage or things i still have at my house? Do i ansawer or not??


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

If she texts about her things, ignore the text till the next day - Make her wonder - It will drive her nuts, and will probably be followed by many more texts. Then the next day, tell her what you want to tell her, but briefly, as if you don't give a shiI. If she wants to come for a key for storage unit, Leave the key somewhere for her to get while you are not there - again, make her wonder where her puppy is. If she wants to get in the house for stuff - tell here you have plans out of town and will be back whenever, a day or 2 (change locks) - make her come back. Seeing you in control, and blowing her off like dirt will make her nuts. Your not doing it to earn her respect, or get her to want you back. Your doing it to build self confidence. If she flips out begging, and you do want this back in your life, at least you will have more the upper hand - or an STD. remember, I almost slit my throat. The 180 saved me, and it was because I did it for me, to build confidence. It really does get better, but you have to mentally block her, and it wont happen right away.


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## Love Pandy (Jul 20, 2015)

Your insecurities are due to something else. You need counseling! This woman is poison...do you feel you can't do better? Or is it the thought of her being with someone else?


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## Robert121 (Jul 13, 2015)

Thanks Rualst, i will keep to the plan.
Im sorry that you had to go through all this..
Yes my deepest concern is that she may be seeing someone else..that thought fills me with fear and drives me crazy..
But i also know that i have no control over that and thats her choice, if she is that just means what a lowlife lying b*tch she really is and isnt worth my time. 
I keep thinking of all the times she lied and how cruel she was..how she drove me to almost kill myself..then carried on seeing him anyway...WTF? Ive been so stupid and little by little realising that i should never have married her thinking she would stay true.


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