# I'm pretty sure my half-sister is not my half-sister



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My dad has been married and divorced three times.

I am a product of his first marriage. 

When I met my father's second wife to be (at the time she was only his girlfriend) she was 8-9 months pregnant. She had been married before but It was clear at the time the baby was my fathers'

I was living with my dad one summer in the 70's and I overheard him on the phone talking about adoption. I remember thinking that his new wife's child was her first husbands' and not my dads. I figured we would eventually be told. 30 some years later and it has never been mentioned. 

My half-sister does not have ONE feature of my dads. She does look like her mother so I don't know. 

For some reason, I want to know the truth. I don't care and I would never tell a soul if she was not my dad's child. 

Her possible real father might have been a monster or something, who knows. I just keep remembering that phone call years ago about my dad talking about my half-sister and adopting her as his. 

My half-sister lives far away and her mom and my dad have been divorced for many years so I probably won't act on my suspicion. Also, it doesn't change my life in anyway. I just want to know if I am right, basically. 

Is this understandable? Would you want to know if you could get their DNA tested?


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Oh, and I meant to post this in the Private section. If it can be moved, please move. Thank you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why don't you ask your dad?

C


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

PBear said:


> Why don't you ask your dad?
> 
> C


I was going to ask the same thing.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I did many years ago but he denied. 

He is a serial cheater and has lied about many many things on his life.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

How do I put this as gently as possible? 

This is none of your business. Why stir up family drama for this woman? This is between your dad, her and her mom.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I would never tell anybody, ask anybody, or anything like that. I'm just curious if my memory is true. 

No drama at all. I stated that I would never tell anyone if I knew either way. It's just a personal mystery I am curious about.

I guess some readers missed that in my original post.

Wouldn't YOU be curious?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Rugs,

I understand.

My (supposed?) biological father didn't come to the hospital when I was born, or sign my birth certificate.

He has never reached out to me, ever.

What I have learned about my mother over the years, has led me to wonder: is he my father?

No way to know.

I can relate to the curiosity, that's all.


I suppose that if you got a DNA sample of your sister's; you could find out if you are half-siblings. If you got one of her hairs (off of her shoulder at Thanksgiving dinner, maybe?).

Do you think she would be offended if you asked her about it? Are you guys close enough to have a conversation of this nature?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Wouldn't YOU be curious?


In 1996 I heard a rumor. Basically my cousin told me that a woman just a year older than me approached him in a bar (in 1991) and claimed that my father was her father. He could only remember her first name (he thought he had told me about this but he hadn't). I looked for her for years, quietly, so as not to cause any family problems. I finally found her when I got on Facebook by cross referencing her first name with local schools from my home town. I sent her a cryptic message and we eventually talked. 

What happened after that is a very long story that is not mine to tell on a website. The thing is, I feel like I know where you're coming from. I eventually caused drama and it was the right thing to do. But I put my father in the driver seat and you'll have to trust me that I found out that he is 10x the man I am. What I tried to keep quiet, he busted wide open (he had done nothing wrong).

My advice, if you really need to know, call your father and ask him. I like to think that I learned from my experience and that's what I'd do.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I would be curious but have no clue on how you go about this.

I have reason to suspect that my grandpa (good riddance if it is true he was an evil man) was not my grandpa. Before she died, my mom located a man who she and he both, believed he was her father and that of her paternal twin brother as well. That their was a paternal twin brother is also another skeleton. After suffering horrific child abuse as infants they were put in the hospital and foster care. He was later put up for adoption and never seen again. My mother was returned to my grandparents when she was three.

I will never know the truth for certain with my mother gone. I don't speak the language and wouldn't even know where to look. 

Anyway, that was made worse by the fact that my grandmother came to the house and found my mom's letters/pictures as they were closing her estate, of who she believed was her Bio dad and took them. 

So many skeletons in this family's closet... I am curious... would be nice to be sure of my roots and geneology but my grandmother's need to protect her image has always been more important than the truth...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So you asked, he denied, and you don't accept his answer? So the only answer you'll accept is the one you want to hear?

There's lots of questions in life I'd want to know answers to, but many of them aren't any of my business. So I'll just have to go on not knowing. Stressing about finding the answers isn't worth the headaches. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It's one of those things where the answer is of no real benefit, though I can understand the curiosity. Once you know, you might think you would keep it a secret and just be satisfied with the knowing, but you don't really know. Think of what you would be do with the knowledge, either way it could turn out. Would it change your feelings for your half sister? If so, why? Would you use it to challenge inheritance or something?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Raising another man's child no questions asked? Your dad's kind of a hero.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

As someone who is not biologically related to my family, it would be hurtful for me if I found out someone was trying to prove it. For me, if I wanted someone to know they would know. If they didn't, it's none of their business. It's a sensitive issue. Even if she isn't related she may not know and you don't want to be keeping that secret in for the rest of your life. 

It would make me feel like DNA mattered more than the fact that we are family. She's your family, you half-sister. She'll still be that no matter what DNA she has. That's all that matters.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

What does it matter if she is or isn't is the big question.

It doesn't change your relationship AT ALL. If anything it has potential to kill it......unless it's already been killed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Rugs said:


> Is this understandable? Would you want to know if you could get their DNA tested?.....
> 
> No drama at all. I stated that I would never tell anyone if I knew either way. It's just a personal mystery I am curious about.
> 
> ...


Yes, I would be curious as well to know if she is a BLOOD relative...what I would do about it... I have no clue.. if she is on FB... be friends.. if ever you get closer, maybe she would reveal something.. but asking or digging without really knowing her.. or her being in your everyday life.. very sticky ...it wouldn't be received well... but I understand how the curiosity would remain...

About asking your Father you said "*I did many years ago but he denied. He is a serial cheater and has lied about many many things on his life*."...you may have some another half blood sister or brother out there, who knows!



> *breeze said* : It's one of those things where the answer is of no real benefit, though I can understand the curiosity. Once you know, you might think you would keep it a secret and just be satisfied with the knowing, but you don't really know. Think of what you would be do with the knowledge, either way it could turn out. Would it change your feelings for your half sister? If so, why? Would you use it to challenge inheritance or something?


 I believe this could be very true !


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Dear Sis,

Please swab your cheek with the enclosed q-tip and insert it into the test tube and seal.

Love

Rugs


if she asks why tell her she's so awesome you're going to make clones when the technology exists


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I can understand the curiosity. Maybe you will find out on your father's deathbed, like my ex mother in law did about her (non) biological father. Bottom line is, there really is no way to know for sure without raising suspicion. If I were the sister, I would feel hurt.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Dear Sis,
> 
> Please swab your cheek with the enclosed q-tip and insert it into the test tube and seal.
> 
> ...


Exactly. How do you go about asking her to prove such a thing... you can't. At least not without causing a lot of pain or irreparable damage to the relationship if it exists. 

If your dad doesn't come clean/you can't believe your dad, then you probably have to leave it alone... or if she has infant kids, go visit her and swab their cheeks when she's not looking. (Kidding).


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Thiis the private business of another person and you could negatively affect their life by opening this can of worms. I really don't see how you could construe this situation to be about you.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

No good can come of this. Forget about it.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm about 98% sure the man I called dad my whole life isn't my dad, but I don't say anything. Hell, he doesn't talk to me anyway and he wasn't around until I was 15 (it was a obligation, our house burnt down and we had no where to go so he took us in). I look NOTHING like my dad or anyone on his side of the family. 

I do resemble a man my mother apparently cheated on my dad with. He has a wife, 2 other daughters, a huge house, boat, jet ski's...etc...etc 

I grew up so poor when I was younger that when I found this man, I wanted to ask him immediately because I was p*ssed that I suffered. I haven't said anything to anyone, and I won't. 

Why should I interrupt his life now? I'm 30. He wouldn't care anyway and no bond could possibly be formed. 

All I am saying is if things are good. Let them be good. There is no point in possibly destroying someone's life over curiosity.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I disagree with the "none of you business" peeps....I think BLOOD RELATIVES are your business.

I would be curious. 

I wouldn't feel bad about bringing it up either. I would explain why I was curious, provide any details that I had, and reasons for my concern. If someone got upset about it, oh well.

It doesn't make you a horrible person to want to know who your blood relatives are, and it doesn't make you a bad person to pursue the answers to your questions.

I would be blunt, present my case, and ask for help to determine the answers.

I wouldn't worry about destroying anyone's life...YOU didn't have an affair, and YOU didn't pretend someone else fathered your child. YOU didn't do anything wrong. There's no malicious intent here.

If you want to know the truth, pursue the truth.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

tulsy said:


> I disagree with the "none of you business" peeps....I think BLOOD RELATIVES are your business.
> 
> I would be curious.
> 
> ...


But it has nothing to do with Rugs, not even in the slightest. 

That situation is between the father, the mother (who is not Rugs' mother), and the sister.

The sister is the one who will be destroyed here. She will possibly find out that her father isn't her father. The man she knew her whole life as her father...all for what? curiosity from someone sticking their nose where it doesn't belong? 

It would be different if the sister started asking questions, but until that time..it really is best to be left alone.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I do not know who my father is. I was curious about him when I was teenager and in my early twenties. Now, twenty years later, I really do not care who provided semen. I do not really understand why this matters so much to you, the outsider in that potential drama?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

staarz21 said:


> But it has nothing to do with Rugs, not even in the slightest.
> 
> That situation is between the father, the mother (who is not Rugs' mother), and the sister.
> 
> ...


I think I misunderstood ...this half sister is NOT A BLOOD relative but was passed off as one ... Rugs dad adopted her (but she doesn't know this).... is that right ? and she is wanting to know if she knows her Father is NOT really her Father.

Personally If I was the sister ... I WOULD WANT TO KNOW.. I guess I am a red pill sort of person... even if it turned my world upside down, I'd still want to know! 

We recently had a relative from my Husband's side contact us from another state (he found us from an Aunt's obituary online)...he traveled to visit us personally...we went through old family photos...he shared all he knew about the Family tree...we compared what we knew...(had our own write up).... he had questions about his own Mother ...and it was very complicated...

He had recently set out to find answers to some nagging family secrets...he wanted to visit H's Mother (married to his uncle)....and a lady who grew up with them...he couldn't figure out how he was in a Picture (as a little boy) with his Father's 1st wife (who then died)..and his DAD married his mistress (his mother-she was 30 yrs younger, he had another 5 kids after age 50)....there was gaping holes in regards to some things..did his 1st wife KNOW about the Mistress?? 

We learned some fascinating family history with him & his wife visiting us that day ! Also some things about his Grandfather's love live we never knew... 

I think it was great he was seeking to set the record straight.. so he could pass this down to his own children... 

Plus if there is ever any healthy issues down the line....it is good to know what the Family had and if they were our REAL genetic relatives.. 

I guess I am a sucker for that sort of thing.. when I see it on TV.. learning the truth of some very dysfunctional families.. the question is.. Would the sister be like this.. or would she rather JUST NOT KNOW...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

SA, the OP isn't totally sure about the situation and wants to know for her own curiosity. She doesn't plan on telling her half-sister one way or the other. I haven't seen anything to suggest the half-sister is curious. Or it's possible the half-sister already knows whatever truth there is to know. 

The OP wants to confirm for herself that the conversation she overheard decades ago was correct. And she has to have DNA from her half-sister in order to prove it. Without telling her why.


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## Tabitha (Jun 17, 2014)

I can sure understand the curiosity! To some, like me, it's only natural, and we can't stand it until we know. I overheard something when I was a kid about my granddad not really being my dad's dad, but I was scared to ask any questions. Some time after both grandparents and my dad had died, I finally asked my mom. I found enough information to go searching for my mystery grandfather (deceased before I was born) and gathered a whole family tree. But, I wasn't satisfied until I did. Other family members couldn't care less. 

Basically my dad wasn't supposed to have know, but Mom thinks he did know because she thinks a cousin told him. Mom said she and Dad never discussed it. Grandmother never told my dad anything and the "father" raised my dad as his own (since infancy). It's a secret I know my dad (and especially my grandmother) would've preferred to have gone to the grave with them.

Find out if you must, but don't ever tell anyone else especially if your half sister doesn't know--and for God's sake, certainly don't tell her. You're playing with another person's life and sense of self....and to that end, it's NONE of your business.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I did many years ago but he denied.
> 
> He is a serial cheater and has lied about many many things on his life.


Rugs this is some pretty deep sh*t and probably beyond the level of advice that is useful here. All I can tell you is to let this go and live a good life. All the best.


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