# Happiness in Self



## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

My wife and I has been married for years. But lately I have very depressed. The reason being is I have been a family man to the point where I lost myself. It's like now I think about what I want to do for myself and my thoughts keep getting interrupted by my wife about what the sons need or want. Now my boys are going on 17 & 12 and they pretty much got everything. I put myself on the back burner to make sure everybody in my house is taken care of. Now I just want to do what makes me happy. Sometimes when my wife and boys are gathered around talking about plans for them, I kinda leave the room because I get irritated. I love my family and will never leave but I pretty much done family-maned my identity into non-existence. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

What do you desire to DO, what will excite you and make you happy.. give examples?'

And does your wife Understand you are feeling this way? .. my guess is NO.. you have been passive over the years to your own needs & desires - basically sacrificing them for the sake of the family.. ..now you are in a habitual rut.. so it feels.. the stuffing is coming to the surface..you need an outlet. 

We all need a healthy balance in our lives and your wife should be able to accommodate you...in this... just as you have accomondated her and your sons over the years..


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

The getting isn't wrong but what you do with that feeling can go very wrong if you blame them rather than getting on your hobby horse and riding it out of your depression.

So what do you like to do?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

You can rediscover yourself and still do family stuff. Just start investing time in some things you always wanted to do. I did that and I have been able to work my passion into family events as well.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

clipclop2 said:


> The getting isn't wrong but what you do with that feeling can go very wrong if you blame them rather than getting on your hobby horse and riding it out of your depression.
> 
> So what do you like to do?


I like to do alot of stuff but I can sometimes just be mellowing out to myself and thinking to myself and my wife just come at me flurries about "The boys say t this or the boys want that". Or on my day off I just want do something like go the gym or visit my uncle. But my schedule is occupied with the honey-do list for either the wife or the kids. And then by the day's end ain't nothing left for myself. I know that's a job for a husband and a father but just need a balance. Sometimes I find myself reminiscing of when I younger and cared about no one but myself


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

meson said:


> You can rediscover yourself and still do family stuff. Just start investing time in some things you always wanted to do. I did that and I have been able to work my passion into family events as well.


Thank U. That is exactly what I need to do


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

meson said:


> You can rediscover yourself and still do family stuff. Just start investing time in some things you always wanted to do. I did that and I have been able to work my passion into family events as well.





theone79 said:


> Thank U. That is exactly what I need to do


Yep that’s what you need to do. But keep in mind that you are not the only one who gets to have time to do things for yourself. You need to negotiate this with your wife so that she gets her own time too. Then the two of you need time together as well.

Does your wife have a job?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Schedule time for yourself. The calendar is your friend.

You are NOT obligated to say yes to everything. You are especially not required to respond to last minute requests. People must show respect for your time. Teach them boundaries.

Your Sun's Wil not grow up to be men intheir mom runs their lives and your life.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Yep that’s what you need to do. But keep in mind that you are not the only one who gets to have time to do things for yourself. You need to negotiate this with your wife so that she gets her own time too. Then the two of you need time together as well.
> 
> Does your wife have a job?


:iagree:

EleGirl is correct. It's all about balance. It's easy to get involved in some hobby and have it take over so that your wife is effectively a hobby widow. You can't let this happen. In addition you need to make family time and time for your wife a priority. Be home when you say you will be home and keep up with responsibilities. Most likely if you do this your wife will be fine with your hobby activities.

My hobby takes a lot of time during the week, weekend days and sometimes entire weekends away. I am able to do this because I jointly plan availability with my wife. What she gets in return in addition to an energized husband with a better demeanor is a husband who takes time to schedule things with her and demonstrates that she and the family is my top priority. Because I show this to her and the kids time and again she supports my hobby fully. 

Likewise she has become involved in a few things that took an excessive amount of time and I support it and her involvement. I grow, she grows and we are better spouses for it.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I am a firm believer that you need to maintain your independence ESPECIALLY when you are part of a couple / family. I think often people get wrapped up in becoming a unit, and lose themselves. 

My position is that when you are in relationships you come together, spend time enjoying each other, go do something on your own (for yourself) that you enjoy, come together as a couple / family and spend time enjoying each other.... rinse, repeat... 

I realize it may sound idealistic, but I also feel that it is essential for long term, positive, fulfilling relationships.


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