# Divorce $$$



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Forgive me for posting a new thread, but my old one got so long - I felt it was necessary.*
*
I have a very basic question.* I have dated someone now for 6 months.* I have not met his 4 kids yet.*
*
He's been going through a 3 year divorce.* It's almost final now.* He is now broke.* He was a very successful man, and just
chose to buy out his ex from the house so his kids could grow up in the family home.* He is now realizing he's flat broke.
*
I do well.* I have picked up the tab and we go away on weekends...etc.* At first, I had no trouble doing it.* But now, I see that this situation
isn't going to be rectified quickly.* The worst part is that he lives 30 miles from me.* He is only available every other weekend (because of the kids)
and sometimes only once a week - 2 if i'm lucky.* However, this week he told me he has to go play in his (hobby) band instead of see me for our ONLY night
of the week.* He asked me if I could change my schedule instead..so we could see each other.*
*
He tells me that I'm him only source of comfort, hope and love.* We have an amazing time together...but I'm really feeling bad about the fact that I can't
listen to his problems any longer.* He called me today complaining about how he "accidentally" didn't tell his attorney about a bonus he got ...
*
So - would you stay in this or walk away?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

I would run like h3ll! But I am a smart cookie. Seriously, I have read your other thread, you have been given excellent advise; unfortunately, you don't seem to like any of it.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

It's not that I don't like the advise. I guess I am just worried.. Since I got in so deep... How to walk away from a man in a very bad situation. I have a problem.. Obviously,. Because I want to help people too much. I'm in therapy..




Aunt Ava said:


> I would run like h3ll! But I am a smart cookie. Seriously, I have read your other thread, you have been given excellent advise; unfortunately, you don't seem to like any of it.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OMG get some counselling and not for the relationship issues, you've got bigger problems than that. Why do you keep starting new user names and posting this story over and over?


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Give her credit. At least this time she kept the same name. 

To the OP to answer your question. Walk away.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> I have a very basic question.* I have dated someone now for 6 months.* I have not met his 4 kids yet.
> 
> He is now realizing he's flat broke.


You posted last week asking if you were being used. Okay, different spin this week. BTW, you are still being used ...



lorez9993 said:


> I have picked up the tab and we go away on weekends...etc.* At first, I had no trouble doing it.* But now, I see that this situation
> isn't going to be rectified quickly.


It certainly can be rectified quickly. Quit picking up the tab.



lorez9993 said:


> this week he told me he has to go play in his (hobby) band instead of see me for our ONLY night
> of the week.* He asked me if I could change my schedule instead..so we could see each other.


You are an option, not a priority. So, you pick up the tab. Now he wants you to adjust your schedule so he can pursue his hobby. He just ain't that into you. Honest.
*


lorez;9993;1488254 said:


> He tells me that I'm him only source of comfort, hope and love.* We have an amazing time together...but I'm really feeling bad about the fact that I can't
> listen to his problems any longer.* He called me today complaining about how he "accidentally" didn't tell his attorney about a bonus he got ...
> *
> So - would you stay in this or walk away?


Are you looking for a particular answer? I'm wondering, because many people responded to your previous post telling you are being used. 

Would I walk away? No, because I would never have stuck my foot in this pile to begin with. He got a bonus, but he's "broke."

This guy is playing you. Nobody here can tell you to walk away, because you are going to do precisely what you want to do. The thing is, you are asking the same question as last week, but framing it differently.

My question to you would be, why can't you just see this for what it is? Sure, he has a great time with you - you're paying for it. He gets booty call when it's convenient for him. What is it that has you so confused about whether to stay or leave?

Because this is about YOU. You posted here, not him.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

yes - I think he truly loves me -- but you are right....I'm an option.* If he truly wanted to be with me - he would not be using his only free day this week...to play drums...right?*
*
I am here for him...I help him cope with all of his drama - I believe that if I stopped paying for weekends away -- he would still want to hang out with me ...but I think the experience would be more about his fears and divorce...
*
I do appreciate the tough love here...I need someone to tell me to stop helping him... in exchange for the feeling of companionship.*
*
I admit that I realized this past weekend..that he gives me the feeling that my Dad did...he passed away last year.* This man is strong...solid and I think I have a "daddy complex"...




Prodigal said:


> You posted last week asking if you were being used. Okay, different spin this week. BTW, you are still being used ...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> Since I got in so deep... How to walk away from a man in a very bad situation


Well, maybe you got in "so deep" but he certainly didn't. So what if he's in a very bad situation? That's not your business. He owns that. 

And, no, you don't take any advice you are given. I did not realize you've been posting this over and over. If that is the case, I'm afraid you might be doing this in the hopes of having your desire to stay with this man validated.

Not gonna happen. Sorry.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> yes - I think he truly loves me -- but you are right....I'm an option.* If he truly wanted to be with me - he would not be using his only free day this week...to play drums...right?


Okay, I'll bite. So tell me why you think he truly loves you. You are an option. He would rather play drums than be with you. Why do you consider this love?



lorez9993 said:


> I need someone to tell me to stop helping him... in exchange for the feeling of companionship.*
> I think I have a "daddy complex"...


Stop helping him. Lots of people have told you to walk away. But here you are again this week. Same old story. It's up to you to stop seeing him. Just as it is up to you to stay in counseling to figure out why you are gravitating towards a man who has similarities to your father.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

I suppose proving love would be quite easy for him to see in me... Paying for things ... Changing schedules to see him ... 

To switch that and find reasons why he loves me... Isn't as easy. It's mostly in words, I suppose. He has offered to be there for me in times of crisis... 

But.. You make a good point. 




Prodigal said:


> Okay, I'll bite. So tell me why you think he truly loves you. You are an option. He would rather play drums than be with you. Why do you consider this love?
> 
> 
> 
> Stop helping him. Lots of people have told you to walk away. But here you are again this week. Same old story. It's up to you to stop seeing him. Just as it is up to you to stay in counseling to figure out why you are gravitating towards a man who has similarities to your father.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He asked you to switch your schedule because he doesn't want you to switch your schedule. Now that you are not going to pick up the tab for his ski weekend and other recreational pursuits he is going to put on a selfish pig-man act so that you will become disgusted and go away. It relieves him of having to tell you the truth, that since he cannot be your man-wh*re he is going to look for someone else to pimp himself out to.

What part of human communication do you not understand?
When it is not about love, of course it is about money and sex.

Do not ever play casinos if you think that you are in too deep to bail.
You have absolutely no self-perception when it comes to hedging.
You should play to the max of enjoyment and the max you can afford to lose while still having some money to play the next game or round (or to get home.) If you don't start winning at that point, cut your losses and move on.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you should marry him, ASAP. It's not every day you find someone who will so closely match your need to try to fix a broken bird and be taken advantage of with their desire to take as much as you'll give. The two of you seem made for each other.

Ok, that was a little harsh. But you're not listening to EVERY other piece of advice (like 10+ pages worth, I think) saying that you should cut your losses and get out. Why do you keep asking the same questions, looking for an answer that you want to hear?

What does your therapist say? 

You've only been seeing this guy for 6 months. You're not obligated to get buried in his drama. And to be perfectly honest, I REALLY doubt you're getting the whole picture of his finances and issues. It could be much worse than you think (bigger risk for you) or it could be much better than you think (and he's just taking advantage of you). But it seems like you're just getting bits and pieces.

C


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> To switch that and find reasons why he loves me... It's mostly in words, I suppose.


Talk is cheap.

Apparently you have a good job, since you can afford to pay for both of you to go out.

May I ask what you do for a living?


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Well I texted him tonight and asked him if he was for sure going to be playing tomorrow night. He says yes. I said that his limited time was getting tough for me... And he said "me too I would live to spend more time with you". 

I said well you could... But you are choosing the band over me. I said your time is already quite limited. 

His response was "ouch I'm getting it from you too now, huh?". 
"why doesn't someone just shoot me". 

So clearly I can't even bring up tough stuff because he's do overwhelmed with his current drama he can't handle mine. 







Prodigal said:


> Talk is cheap.
> 
> Apparently you have a good job, since you can afford to pay for both of you to go out.
> 
> May I ask what you do for a living?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> Well I texted him tonight and asked him if he was for sure going to be playing tomorrow night. He says yes. I said that his limited time was getting tough for me... And he said "me too I would live to spend more time with you".
> 
> I said well you could... But you are choosing the band over me. I said your time is already quite limited.
> 
> ...


He is setting you up so that he can alienate you, now he is able to say that you're nagging him about his me-time.
You played right into it.
Your story is not unique, and honestly, it's getting tiring.
You need to read Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.
It will be an eye-opener.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You still haven't said what you do for a living.

In fact, you don't directly answer questions much of the time. You continue posting about this situation under different names, from what I've read.

I feel sorry for you, if this is indeed a true situation. Honestly, hon, I don't think anyone here can help you. And if you keep coming back and posting the same thing, without being proactive, I don't think you'll get any responses after so many go-'rounds.

Counseling is your best route.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

I'm a producer for a cable news show. So I work crazy hours and have a hard find meeting people who can accept my career and long hours. 
I met him for drinks tonight. (my dime). He spent the entire night in a panic about money. I tried to help him brainstorm work ideas etc and worked to get him to calm down. He is so scared. I apologized for expressing my fears about our relationship time.. While he was dealing with his daughter crying over having to leave her sport because he couldn't afford to pay for it any longer. 

That's the issue. He is in a very very bad place. Not sure how he can deal with everything. Although he made sure to tell me that he doesn't know how he world get thru life without me and my positive energy...



Prodigal said:


> You still haven't said what you do for a living.
> 
> In fact, you don't directly answer questions much of the time. You continue posting about this situation under different names, from what I've read.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Really? You met up with him? You paid again? You apologized for being honest? Wow, just wow. 

You need far more help than this forum can offer, but you seem determined to rush headlong into disaster. Good luck with that.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You admit you are an option. Therefore you are wrong when you say you are sure he loves you. He does not. You are pleasant. Convenient. You listen to his BS and pay for his stuff. 

If you stopped being convenient and stopped paying (he got a bonus - did he spend any on YOU? Nope.) he'd dump you in a flash.

Why are you so needy? Why do you think you don't deserve any more than this? And why do you need the drama and attention you try to get here?

If you've been going to therapy for any length of time, you need to find a new one because it's not working.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

I feel like this man is in the worst place he's ever been. I feel like a bad person if I leave him in such a tough time. I don't think this is about me being needy as much as it is that I want to help. And the bonus he got that he didn't disclose was from before I met him. 

But while I think he will get through this and promises to treat me like a princess once he does... I believe it will be a long time before I see that. 




EnjoliWoman said:


> You admit you are an option. Therefore you are wrong when you say you are sure he loves you. He does not. You are pleasant. Convenient. You listen to his BS and pay for his stuff.
> 
> If you stopped being convenient and stopped paying (he got a bonus - did he spend any on YOU? Nope.) he'd dump you in a flash.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Thought all of you would like an update and it will leave you saying "I told ya". 

I had a girlfriend tell me that BF was still on a dating website. She is... So I told her to email him. See if he's "active". Well she did and he was not active. But he immediately asked for her picture and said he's "sort of seeing someone but it's still early". After he got her picture (she's very pretty) he wanted more pictures ... Gave her his phone number so they could text instead .. And when she responded .. "what about your girlfriend" he said he was having doubts ... And he's only trying right now "to see" if it could turn into a long term thing but that she's so gorgeous he couldn't hold himself back from responding to her. 

She (thank God for good friends) told him that she could tell he was a cheater by what he was saying and she didn't want any part of him. 

Talk about a great guy, right? I pay. He tells me he wants us to be together forever... And then behind my back .. Tries to cheat. Nice. 




EnjoliWoman said:


> You admit you are an option. Therefore you are wrong when you say you are sure he loves you. He does not. You are pleasant. Convenient. You listen to his BS and pay for his stuff.
> 
> If you stopped being convenient and stopped paying (he got a bonus - did he spend any on YOU? Nope.) he'd dump you in a flash.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm sorry that it wasn't what you thought it was. I've had to say the "you were right" and hear the unspoken "I told you so" here, too.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> He tells me that I'm him only source of comfort, hope and love.*


Let me translate this for you....

You are the only woman he has found who will agree to be a boody call for him and pick up the bill as well.

He's not into you. He's into having someone who is easy to take advantage of.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> Well I texted him tonight and asked him if he was for sure going to be playing tomorrow night. He says yes. I said that his limited time was getting tough for me... And he said "me too I would live to spend more time with you".
> 
> I said well you could... But you are choosing the band over me. I said your time is already quite limited.
> 
> ...


When he talkes to you about his divorce he played the victim. He's made most of your relationship about him being a victim.

Tonight he again played the victim with you... he's getting it from all sides.. poor baby. 

I still do not believe his divorce story. I doubt he is as wiped out as he is telling you.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> I'm a producer for a cable news show. So I work crazy hours and have a hard find meeting people who can accept my career and long hours.
> I met him for drinks tonight. (my dime). He spent the entire night in a panic about money. I tried to help him brainstorm work ideas etc and worked to get him to calm down. He is so scared. I apologized for expressing my fears about our relationship time.. While he was dealing with his daughter crying over having to leave her sport because he couldn't afford to pay for it any longer.
> 
> That's the issue. He is in a very very bad place. Not sure how he can deal with everything. Although he made sure to tell me that he doesn't know how he world get thru life without me and my positive energy...


YOu are cheaper than a therapist for him... shoot you pay for his good times while he dumps on you and uses you. And then you appologize.

I just don't know what to say to you anymore. Nothing seems to really get through to you. You apparently like being used by this guy.

Some day you are going to find out that he's lying to you. His money problems are no where near what he cries to you about. And, any that he has are of his own creation.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

If you look at my post today at 9:11 AM you will see I LEARNED the hard way. 


Now the question is... Should I find a really creative way to dump him or just go silent. He doesn't know that .. That woman was my friend. 






EleGirl said:


> YOu are cheaper than a therapist for him... shoot you pay for his good times while he dumps on you and uses you. And then you appologize.
> 
> I just don't know what to say to you anymore. Nothing seems to really get through to you. You apparently like being used by this guy.
> 
> Some day you are going to find out that he's lying to you. His money problems are no where near what he cries to you about. And, any that he has are of his own creation.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> If you look at my post today at 9:11 AM you will see I LEARNED the hard way.
> 
> 
> Now the question is... Should I find a really creative way to dump him or just go silent. He doesn't know that .. That woman was my friend.


Just go silent. He's a cheater and not worth your time.

At most send him a text that is soemthing like "I don't want to see you anymore. Please do not ever contact me again."

And then never respond to any of his texts or any other communications.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

That's good advice. I know it is... My only concern is that he will put 2 and 2 together...

But I guess that's not my problem. 






EleGirl said:


> Just go silent. He's a cheater and not worth your time.
> 
> At most send him a text that is soemthing like "I don't want to see you anymore. Please do not ever contact me again."
> 
> And then never respond to any of his texts or any other communications.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I also agree that he's not that into you. 

Any man(or woman) that's into you will go out of their way to see you and spend time. They will drop their hobbies and make extra time for you. It's really easy to tell when someone's truly into you. They show you, not tell you. Also, they would pick up the tab at least 1/2 the time if not more.

He's definitely not into you and using you.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I just read your update post. It's good you know this now and not later.

I'll say this again though, when someone is into you... You will know it. They will walk off the ends of the earth for you.

I am sorry this happened.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> That's good advice. I know it is... My only concern is that he will put 2 and 2 together...
> 
> But I guess that's not my problem.





lorez9993 said:


> That's good advice. I know it is... My only concern is that he will put 2 and 2 together...
> 
> But I guess that's not my problem.


I doubt that he will put 2&2 together. Even if he does what do you care? If you never talk to him again you won't even know what's on his mind.

Just tell him you are not interested in seeing him anymore. You do not owe him any explanation. If he bugs you answer him with his own words.

“I was only trying up to now “to see” if it could turn into a long term thing. Now I’m sure that it’s not a long term thing so I’m no longer interested in seeing you. Do not ever contact me again.”.

Then if he contacts you again the response is. “I told you to not contact me again. If you do I will consider that stalking and get a restraining or based on you stalking me.”

If he contacts you after that, file stalking charges against him and get a restraining order. Once you tell a person that they cannot contact you again, any further contact is wrong and usually you can do something about it legally.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

On paper the list of ALL the problems with this relationship is enormous. You have all seen that. But I think at the end of the day I still feel "not quite good enough". I just feel sad. But I suppose I'm beginning to understand why his wife just up and left him despite the fact that they have 4 kids. 

She jumped right into a new relationship and has been with that man ever since. It's been almost 2 years I believe.., 

But she has tried to drain him dry and it appears she's been quite successful. I think NOW I know why. He must have cheated on her... Or something. 







EleGirl said:


> I doubt that he will put 2&2 together. Even if he does what do you care? If you never talk to him again you won't even know what's on his mind.
> 
> Just tell him you are not interested in seeing him anymore. You do not owe him any explanation. If he bugs you answer him with his own words.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This guy your talking about, he's a player. A loser that lies. Don't trust a word he says. He's playing you. How can you not see this? His wife did not drain him dry. He's lying. I'm so very sorry.

Plus you've spent all this money on him. Why? 

I went on a first date with a guy a while back(before I met my h). The waitress brought the tab and I was just expecting to pay my own way at best. The date looked at me and said he "forgot" his checkbook. I paid for his dinner which the tab was over $100. I never took his calls again. I did not expect him to pay for me, but I did expect him to pay his own way. There is no way I'd let another man use me. I later found out that he was an alcoholic and refused to pay child support. 

When I met my husband, he paid for everything! He was divorced also and went through the same process with the house/assets. We even went on a ski trip ourselves and he paid and planned the entire trip. We slept on separate beds in the cabin since we were not married at the time. I was hoping he'd propose that weekend since he brought me on such an expensive trip, but he didn't. It wasn't long after that he proposed. I knew he was into me. He made time for me every weekend and drove to see me on the week nights. We lived 30 miles from each other. Not only that, I was getting fresh flowers weekly sent to my work. My husband still treats me this well 14 years later.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OP, don't worry too much about what happened.
Just go NC with the guy. Don't even get into it with him.
It will only turn out with him twisting your words against you.
And while you've been being kindhearted to him, he's been studying your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and Achille's heel (your dedication to being true and honest and good and helpful) so that he can play them against you.

NC is best. You don't owe him an explanation at all.

This 'lesson' about players is only one you can learn through experience. Next time a guy tells you something you didn't ask, and goes into great detail about his situation, when it's not really warranted to situation or context, file it away that he could be building up a 'constructed narrative' that is a fully functional lie. After a while you'll see the holes in this kind of a construction, and learn to be unapologetic about asking direct questions when out on a date, and when the answers don't add up, say, that doesn't seem to make sense...I'm confused...didn't you say?......

Be less willing to jump in to take over the conversation and come up with ideas to solve 'problems' and more likely to listen and nod and be empathetic without feeling the need to 'fix.' First of all, if you 'fix' someone's issues, and not let them do it for themselves, if they are real issues, and the person hasn't asked for specific appropriate help, you will take their pride away. It also makes you look desperate, like you're not really interested in your own life. 

Please toughen up and learn about players.
Like I said, read "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing"
And, get tested asap for std's, and again in a couple months.

Take all that energy you were giving to this guy, and put it into being kind to yourself. After a deception like that, you deserve it. Just forgive yourself, make nice-nice to yourself, move on and laugh at the experience. Look at it this way - you outed him!

I think your friend should arrange to meet up with him at a popular bar, one that's not too noisy...and then when he shows up she can text you and you can come in, and say wow, I can't wait to meet your new guy....then be like...oh he reminds me so much of my ...... maybe we can double date.... ROFL.
Or lead the guy on and make him believe he's getting a two for one deal...then buy him a drink each of you kiss him on a cheek, and tell him it's the only thing he's getting from you. If he's standing up, spank his a** on the way out. Boy I'd love to have the opportunity to do something like that to a player.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

You are very blessed to have such a great husband. 

I think at the core ... I just wanted him to love me. I wanted to feel happy again. And I really did when I was with him. We laughed and had such a good energy ... Something I hadn't felt in a long time. 

However, now I just can't see him the same way. As much as I am hurting.. I replay those emails in my head. He told my friend all the same [email protected] he told me.. To reel me in. 

He's also very insecure. He would talk about how old he is getting or how he put on a few pounds and I was constantly trying to build him up. It was a full time job but I tried to give him what I think every partner needs... Love. But I rarely got it in return. He wouldn't compliment me or tell me I was beautiful. Even though he would leave to go to the bathroom .. While in a bar.. And come back and find men trying to hit on me. I would always be respectful and try to let him know that I told them I was with HIM. He just seemed to be so into himself that there wasn't enough room for me. 

I just feel sad.. And not good enough. I just have to work on myself , I suppose. 





I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> This guy your talking about, he's a player. A loser that lies. Don't trust a word he says. He's playing you. How can you not see this? His wife did not drain him dry. He's lying. I'm so very sorry.
> 
> Plus you've spent all this money on him. Why?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Something tells me that OP will come back here saying she confronted him and told him it was her friend. He had some excuse and now she is all torn up and confused again. He is a really great guy who was just upset that she was pushing him away and so she made him think that the relationship was over....that's why he messaged her friend. So now she is back at square one and will ask the same question over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Ad nauseum.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

No... Unfortunately I read the emails. They hit like a knife in the gut. There's nothing that can undo that. I've seen him for who he is. 

He's even broke! And yes I know he is. I've seen the late notices on his counter. He's broke. He's not much of a catch when I'm having to pay etc. then add that he's a cheater?

He's not worth more heart ache. 





Soifon said:


> Something tells me that OP will come back here saying she confronted him and told him it was her friend. He had some excuse and now she is all torn up and confused again. He is a really great guy who was just upset that she was pushing him away and so she made him think that the relationship was over....that's why he messaged her friend. So now she is back at square one and will ask the same question over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Ad nauseum.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> You are very blessed to have such a great husband.
> 
> I think at the core ... I just wanted him to love me. I wanted to feel happy again. And I really did when I was with him. We laughed and had such a good energy ... Something I hadn't felt in a long time.
> 
> ...


You will find someone. When you do, you will be a great wife!

You only have the power to make yourself happy. I know you might of been happy while with him, but that type of happiness is only short term. This guy your seeing only wants a piece of a** if you know what I mean.

I almost didn't meet my husband. I was fed up with guys completely. I was in a place where I was going to be on my own for the rest of my life. I was going back and fourth whether or not I'd give him my number. I met him through a blind date. My supervisor had set me up with him. After 2 weeks of talking over the phone we finally met. The rest is history. I believe it was fate that brought us together. Once we started dating he would do anything for me.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

I am sorry that he turned out to be such a cad. Hold your head high, you are a good person, you treated him far better than he deserved. Now be open to finding someone that treats you the way you deserve.

For future reference, Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Looking back... He did almost nothing for me ... If it wasn't free (airline miles for hotel) or didn't lead to sex. 

Our weekends away were great but they were vacation mode. Drinking eating shopping and ... Sex. 

Hell he didn't even accept my Facebook friend request.... Because "he forgot". 

It's just stupid on my part. And you know what? I don't think he'd be different with anyone else. I've watched his actions... 




Aunt Ava said:


> I am sorry that he turned out to be such a cad. Hold your head high, you are a good person, you treated him far better than he deserved. Now be open to finding someone that treats you the way you deserve.
> 
> For future reference, Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

start loving yourself and the right man will come along.


simple but effective.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Awww, big hugs to you. Whatever your situation may be, you seem like you're a really caring person who would be a good woman for any man. I hope you do find a a good man. You should come back here to TAM when you meet somebody else and run him through the TAM stamp of approval! LOL. Be sure to tell them ALL the details so they can make an informed decision.

I hope there is a shoulder you can lean on? Peace and grace to you.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

So it doesn't seem so obvious... On Saturday I told him that we needed to talk because I felt like we were at different places in our lives. And that maybe my expectations were too high for what he is capable of giving right now. He said he would call me to talk about it. He did. I let it go to vm. I texted and said lets talk tomorrow ... He said okay. 

He hasn't called. He's texted twice asking how my day is and that he didn't want to "bother me". I just said "thanks."

He hasn't responded since. 



chillymorn said:


> start loving yourself and the right man will come along.
> 
> 
> simple but effective.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Lorez, I think you are just determined to be with this guy no matter what. So go ahead. You seem prepared for what's in store for you. I guess you will keep coming back here for support for the pain you have to endure in a relationship like this. Just be honest about it though. Hey, it is what it is ... you're willing to be a booty call and PAY for being one. You're willing to accept all that comes with that. 

Hey you're not the first woman to settle, and you won't be the last. Maybe you can come back to this thread when you get tired of this treatment.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

I am done. Please read my posts from today. I'm done. I am just hear for morale support. 





committed4ever said:


> Lorez, I think you are just determined to be with this guy no matter what. So go ahead. You seem prepared for what's in store for you. I guess you will keep coming back here for support for the pain you have to endure in a relationship like this. Just be honest about it though. Hey, it is what it is ... you're willing to be a booty call and PAY for being one. You're willing to accept all that comes with that.
> 
> Hey you're not the first woman to settle, and you won't be the last. Maybe you can come back to this thread when you get tired of this treatment.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> Hell he didn't even accept my Facebook friend request.... Because "he forgot".


This is very calculated. If he accepted you as a friend you would have acted like his girlfriend on there. That would hurt his ability to get date with others. He is not serious about you at all.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Here are two ways of looking at it. Is this what you want?


You are a booty call
You have a gigolo

gig·o·lo 
n. pl. gig·o·los 
1. A man who has a continuing sexual relationship with and receives financial support from a woman.
2. A man who is hired as an escort or a dancing partner for a woman.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

lorez9993 said:


> I am done. Please read my posts from today. I'm done. I am just hear for morale support.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Freudian slip? 

I think you meant "moral" support which is what (most) people have been giving you IMO.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

lorez9993 said:


> I am done. Please read my posts from today. I'm done. I am just hear for morale support.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Really? Your last post about the texting, etc. at 3:23 p.m. today didn't sound like it. But okay. 

If you REALLY want to be done, you don't even need to talk to him anymore. You don't owe him anything. You could really just text him that he is BUSTED. And then block him.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Well I REALLY am done. He called and I talked to him. It was actually helpful. I didn't tell him I knew he was trying to cheat. I just told him that I felt like me never getting to meet his kids (after dangling that like a carrot 4 months ago) and not even accepting me on Facebook as a FRIEND or not responding to text messages (when I know secretly he was emailing my girlfriend) that he clearly just wasn't in the same place as me. 

He said I was wrong. And then he said that since I got out of a long relationship about a year ago... That I obviously wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship because I needed too much of his time. That the above things were me overreacting. It took everything in my power not to tell him that he didnt respond to my texts (he said he was in meetings) because he was trying to hook up with my friend.. Giving out his phone number to her. 

It's just such a Shame that I couldn't spill my guts. But I did tell him that he was out of his mind. That what I really wanted was MORE and for him to truly WANT to give me more. I said but it's clear you don't so Please stop wasting my time. And I hung up. 

So it's over. But he tried to BLAME me. Whatever. 



committed4ever said:


> Really? Your last post about the texting, etc. at 3:23 p.m. today didn't sound like it. But okay.
> 
> If you REALLY want to be done, you don't even need to talk to him anymore. You don't owe him anything. You could really just text him that he is BUSTED. And then block him.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

I hope that gives you the closure you needed.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

He's not right, is he? 



Aunt Ava said:


> I hope that gives you the closure you needed.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

No freakin way! He's blame shifting!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's not right. Stop doubting yourself.

Now you know that he has been lying to you. He told you that he was in meetings and so he could not respond… but he was able to email your friend and try to get a date with her? Then he tries to turn it on you. He was not in meetings the entire time if at all. What does that say about all his other excuses? How many others were lies like this one? How about all his sob stories? How many of them are lies to get your sympathy, a booty call and you to pay?

But he did tell you exactly what we have been telling you…. “I needed too much of his time.” The translation is that you want more out of the relationship than he ever did. He only wanted sex (booty call) and at your expense every 2 weeks or so. That’s all he ever wanted out of the relationship.

He wants the relationship on his terms and your $$.

You just dumped a user. Good for you for being strong enough to dump him.

You can do a lot better than that. Shoot, it's better to be then out a man than to have someone use you the way he has been.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

lorez9993 said:


> So it's over. But he tried to BLAME me. Whatever.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Soooooooo proud of you! Good job!

Hold out for a good man who treats you like gold!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

lorez9993 said:


> He's not right, is he?
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. Didn't I predict he was going to do this.
He is following the script. Hit you where it hurts, and bring up something you can't change...like your relationship ending at a certain time...(why can he be ready and you not? He's not even divorced yet!!!!:rofl and telling you you're over-reacting.

There is no need to apologize for what you want, which you cannot get from him, because he is like one of those trick gifts, all wrapped up on the outside and nothing inside. Oh, maybe the sex is great, but honestly, as I told the last guy who tried to pull this on me, sex for me without commitment is boring, dull and inconsequential. 

Forget about him. He only gathered information by listening to you so that he could find out your Achille's heel and use it against you. 

Find someone who gives a sh*t.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Yes you did. He's a piece of work. I'm working very hard at staying strong. Just unreal that this turned out this way. 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> No. Didn't I predict he was going to do this.
> He is following the script. Hit you where it hurts, and bring up something you can't change...like your relationship ending at a certain time...(why can he be ready and you not? He's not even divorced yet!!!!:rofl and telling you you're over-reacting.
> 
> There is no need to apologize for what you want, which you cannot get from him, because he is like one of those trick gifts, all wrapped up on the outside and nothing inside. Oh, maybe the sex is great, but honestly, as I told the last guy who tried to pull this on me, sex for me without commitment is boring, dull and inconsequential.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Lorez - I dated a guy that is so similar to your description, it's scary. These guys must get together and compare notes. Bad divorce, broke, wouldn't introduce me to his kids, had Facebook but deleted his account (he would have gotten caught), never had time for me, etc, etc, but his words were so pretty. I was the most beautiful woman ever and he'd never felt this way and sent me poetry and beautiful emails and texts. I fell for it completely. Until I found out he had another girlfriend on the side. He sent her the same exact poetry and gave her the same BS lines as me. 

PM me if you need support. It sounds like you are doubting yourself and you are emotionally fragile. A real man will show you by his ACTIONS that he is into you. Don't fall for the pretty words. Look at this as a life lesson.


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Thank you.... It is just surreal isn't it? How do they say the same things to different women and sleep at night. 

And the sex was getting old. In fact if he has to go a second round.. The same day... He couldn't keep it up. That's mean but I feel stronger saying it... He was 11 years older than me. And it was showing!




justonelife said:


> Lorez - I dated a guy that is so similar to your description, it's scary. These guys must get together and compare notes. Bad divorce, broke, wouldn't introduce me to his kids, had Facebook but deleted his account (he would have gotten caught), never had time for me, etc, etc, but his words were so pretty. I was the most beautiful woman ever and he'd never felt this way and sent me poetry and beautiful emails and texts. I fell for it completely. Until I found out he had another girlfriend on the side. He sent her the same exact poetry and gave her the same BS lines as me.
> 
> PM me if you need support. It sounds like you are doubting yourself and you are emotionally fragile. A real man will show you by his ACTIONS that he is into you. Don't fall for the pretty words. Look at this as a life lesson.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

So he texted me last night and we got into a huge argument. I broke down and told him that I was forwarded emails that he exchanged with a woman. He literally told me that his ex hacked into his email. And that he would sue her for libel!!! He's crazy!!! He said that her sister used to work for the CIA and that he can't believe that I would trust these emails over him. 

Unbelievable. Yes I'm sad. Heartbroken. And stunned by his level of insanity!!!





EleGirl said:


> He's not right. Stop doubting yourself.
> 
> Now you know that he has been lying to you. He told you that he was in meetings and so he could not respond… but he was able to email your friend and try to get a date with her? Then he tries to turn it on you. He was not in meetings the entire time if at all. What does that say about all his other excuses? How many others were lies like this one? How about all his sob stories? How many of them are lies to get your sympathy, a booty call and you to pay?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Okay, NOW do you have closure? Stop the insanity, just block his number!


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why are you still talking to him? Do you just like the drama? Get some dignity and self esteem, tell him not to contact you anymore, block his phone number, and send his emails to your spam box. The only reason why communication is continuing with him is because YOU let it continue. Otherwise, he'd be talking to a wall.

C


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Be strong!

"Are you ready boots? Start walkin'" Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made for Walkin' - YouTube

And don't look back...


----------

