# Separated and scared about the factors



## Wandango (Jul 4, 2014)

My wife left me last weekend. Took our three kids to her brothers house. We both work with her part time on the weekends and she has a business on the side to boot. I work full time in a job I'm over my head in with a 3 hour round trip commute every day. The kids are 7, 5 and 2. 

I'm a hothead sometimes and had a series of self deprecating blunders on Sunday. Her mother was there. She is a bit of a piece of work. The first thing she does when she comes in is ask me to give her an injection. My wise ass crack was "what is this, Pulp Fiction". She simply presses my buttons. 

Anyway I had an epic meltdown in front of the kids and her. I called her up right away and told her what happened. I felt like hell after I melted down. No excuses whatsoever. Then mom got involved. Today I'm supposed to pick the kids up and I said to her that how this works out is our business and my wife responded with 'it's not just our business'. Mom apparently has a say.

We had plans to make some changes and move closer to where we both work. But even if that happens I need to extract her mother from meddling in our life. I just pushed the discussion off. I felt a third rail coming my way. 

She is amenable to seeing a counselor. My gut tells me we should handle this issue with the counselor. I have my issues to work out. I accept and am seeking psychiatric and counseling help. But should we get back together, we need to work out her moms role. I think to start, I don't want her at our house when my wife us not. I don't need that kind of help anymore. In fact it causes me more stress when she is here alone. 

Thoughts, advice, suggestions. Go!

Cheers. Happy 4th


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Discussing this with a counselor, and not on your own, is probably a good idea.

Her mom being in the middle of your marriage is not healthy. However, it's really hard to know what to say beyond that because like most things, context is king.

I don't know what a meltdown means here. It could be just you screaming some ot it could be that there was also throwing/breaking things, threatening people, or worse.

If your MIL was witness to something really bad then it makes sense that she would try to encourage her daughter to get out of dodge.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Define "epic meltdown."


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## Wandango (Jul 4, 2014)

Lots of yelling. No breaking things. Nothing physical


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Sounds like another man is in the picture, just kidding man, that is everyones first response to separation, lol and it's normally true. This just sounds like a fight and something that could be worked out with appropriate boundaries and decent communication. Good luck, seek marriage boot camp or a faith based program, nip it in the butt now. If she is not willing to try, there may be something more sinister below the surface you will need to find.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How often do you have meltdowns?

Do you yell and display anger often?

Have you apologized to your MIL?

See if you can get your wife to MC. The two of you need to work on your marriage issues without MIL.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

By the way, have you seen an attorney? Ask about getting a court order that your children have to be returned to the family home. A parent cannot just move and take the kids without the consent of the other parent.


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## Wandango (Jul 4, 2014)

I am much more terse with the kids. I've had a lot of things stoking the fire besides what I described above. Those are 'our' issues. I have family issues too. I'm quick to annoy but not quick to go the way I did here. And not to cast blame, but when she shows up the mil raises the burner from medium to medium high and the water is easier to boil


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## Wandango (Jul 4, 2014)

EleGirl. I didn't want to lawyer up right away but I believe MIL and Brother are coaching the kids too. I know they are coaching my wife. I called my wife's cell to talk to the kids and my son answered the phone and I heard brother say 'we talked about this (sons name) you can't answer when your dad calls. Wtf.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wandango said:


> EleGirl. I didn't want to lawyer up right away but I believe MIL and Brother are coaching the kids too. I know they are coaching my wife. I called my wife's cell to talk to the kids and my son answered the phone and I heard brother say 'we talked about this (sons name) you can't answer when your dad calls. Wtf.


And yet you won't lawyer up!


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## Wandango (Jul 4, 2014)

This happened just today. A few hours ago. Don't think there are many attys taking calls today


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The 1st thing you need to learn is other people don't control your emotions....you just let them..it you not them

Once you can man up and stop letting others phuck with your head you will then learn the best course of action you need to take in getting what you want.

You are letting these inlaws control you ...once they see they have no control over you ...well then there are no more buttons to bush.

Hell your old lady just might see a changed man that has enough confidence in him self by not letting others get under your skin.

Every time your old lady ......and even your old ladies family see they no longer have this emotional control.....you just might get some respect.


Again your letting others control you...take away the "buttons"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing....
Your old lady has yet to see what she is about to lose cuz your acting like the same guy that she left.

Time to walk away and show her that confident man she once knew.

Chicks dig confident guys, start acting like one by having the confidence in letting her go, wishing her the best, and smile....maybe then she starts to second guess her choices.

Please tell me your not begging and crying for this marriage?

If you want this marriage then just let her go! Sound dumb but it works.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

hesitationmarks said:


> Sounds like another man is in the picture, just kidding man, that is everyones first response to separation, lol and it's normally true. This just sounds like a fight and something that could be worked out with appropriate boundaries and decent communication. Good luck, seek marriage boot camp or a faith based program, nip it in the butt now. If she is not willing to try, there may be something more sinister below the surface you will need to find.


The reason everyone thinks there is another man is cuz some women won't leave the security a man has to offer until another one is found.


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