# Worst day of the year for me. He is at work Christmas Party



## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

He is not home yet, 6:00 pm. The party started at noon today.
She is there, the one he had an emotional affair with two years ago. Feeling scared


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hey don't worry so much, did he say he is over her?


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

Yes. But he said (last night) he did not have a lot in common with most of the people he works with. There are only a couple of people he can talk to. She is one of them.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

you just have to believe in him and trust what you have


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

He is not real happy at work. I think he is lonely there. But it is a 
job.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I know it's a tough deal when they work together, there is a lot of doubt that goes along with that, I'm in the same boat but mine was a PA with a woman he works with......tough to watch him go to work every day


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

I'm doing really well after two years except on this particular day.
I do pray every day that she will get a new job.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I think it's a reasonable expectation that he gets home. Just call him and say "look its been 6 hours, you know this is hard for me, please come home".


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

I just sent him the text.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

It's one thing to be paraniod and checking up on him and grilling him about his every move. Don't that is just going to drive him crazy and away from you.

But when he's going into a obviously potentially risky encounter with a prior OW present, I think asking for that to be controlled is only fair.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

I'm gessing he's home by now. Should have been home a lot earlier. WTF?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Update? Update?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Aw come on - what happened?!?!?


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

He replied right away when I sent the text. He gave me an apology for not coming home sooner. He said he understood my feelings. But he said he needed his own friends. I don't have a problem with him going somewhere with friends other than work people. He is always telling me he doesn't enjoy talking to the people at work, (except two, both women, one is her). But planning a bowling outing with work friends soon. I told him I should be able to come. It is not work sponsored. Then he got defensive.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Elliemay said:


> But he said he needed his own friends.


I don't get this. Is he referring to these two women as his "own friends" or is he expanding it to mean the entire office party? If the former, it solves nothing. If the latter, that's still a long time w/ no communication when he knows there are issues.

As far as the bowling party, you have every right to know if spouses are invited, how many will be there and WHO will be there. If it's just office and a LOT of them, fine. He still needs to understand he can't be in small social settings with this woman. 

I hate to always be paranoid, but something still stinks here.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm with Cody, my husband went to his office party as well this week, 8 hours he spent with the other woman, they work together, he is her boss, and then he spent 8 hours with her at the office party, didn't call me once even though he knew I would be at home stressing.....it's clear to me about my husband. don't let yours get to this, nip it in the bud......good luck


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

The two women are the only ones he says he can relate to to carry a conversation with. He told me that he was only with men at the bar after the party. Then later admitted everyone was there. And apologized for lying. I don't understand if he says he can't stand most of them, he is now mentioning going bowling. The bowling is not work sponsored. Mostly men, she goes to everything. He doesn't understand why I think it is a problem to be outside of work with her around. He says I don't trust him. That is not the point, he should not be out drinking with her around. I told him that I forgave him but I will never forget. How could I. He says it was not as serious as I think it was. I saw some emails. I differ with him. He admitted to me when I caught him that he had feelings for her at the time, I found the emails. Now he says he made his bed and has to learn to deal with it now.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Sorry. He needs to cut off ALL unnecessary conact w/ her. If that means limiting new friendships at work becuase she will be there too? Again, sorry, but he made his bed.

By the way: "Mostly men, she goes to everything." OK...She'll find someone new soon enough if you can just keep your husband away from the little tart for just a little while. Problem solved.


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## cowboyfan (Nov 15, 2009)

Completely agree with Cody, it's already a touchy situation in that he still works with this woman but what you obviously need for him to do to show he cares is cut off ALL extra contact with her - staying late at parties, out of work functions, etc is something he should understand needs to be sacrificed is he wishes to stay at THIS job working with THIS woman. The fact he hasn't given you this is justifiably bothersome to you, and in my opinion you have every right to push the issue.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

He tries to make you feel bad about not trusting him??? Well- that is something he lost when he had a EA with her- that is something he needs to earn back and not try and make you feel guilty about. He's trying to make himself feel better about what he did by making you think you are being jealous and controlling. Do you have your own set of friends you can go out with on your own? And the bowling thing- why wouldn't you be able to go- it's bowling... might be a little dangerous for the OW (wouldn't want a ball to drop on her toes)  , but if he wants to go bowling that bad then he can plan it and invite everyone...


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

She got married to her boyfriend late in the summer. The problem is, the new husband is the one she was living with when she was perusing my husband. I will stay firm. When he goes somewhere with other people, not work (bar) trips, I don't give him a hard time. I think he thinks I forget or something when some time passes by, he meets up with them, but it doesn't work. I hope he got the message this time. He said he made his bed and somehow has to learn to live with it. I hope he means it. 
He told me when I called him at work to ask him who he was with at the bar, after the party, I upset him so much he will not be able to work the rest of the day. He sounded so hurt. A couple of hours later he was on facebook making funny remarks. He is playing me. I need to get tougher. He thinks he knows how to play me. My eyes are open wider these days.


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## Orangerose (Aug 27, 2008)

Also I don't have my own personal set of friends to go out with. All of my friends are his friends also. If I want to go shopping with a friend she stops by the house time to time, so he knows who I know. I make sure he meets everyone.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

Maybe you should go out and do your own thing- take a class, shop, have a drink with a long lost friend, don't give him all the details- tell him he's not allowed to go... sorry... just a girls thing, won't be home too late- I will try to call- BUT don't... give him a taste of his own medicine. I don't think you should do anything bad because getting revenge isn't going to make things better, but start having your own life and have him stay home while you have some fun on your own... and really have fun- you deserve to have a break too  

We do little work happy hours where I work, but it would seem a little stupid to tell people not to bring thier spose... it's a bar... everyone is allowed... I just think that's a little fishy and selfish of him to tell you that you can't come...


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