# Inheritance vs Severance



## sunnyroses (May 28, 2013)

So when my wife received an inheritance I felt I should not have a say in how she chose to spend the money. I hoped it would be financially the way we would want it to be, but if she wanted to buy herself some items with the money I was totally ok with that,

Wondering now about a severance I have received. Would you think I have more say in the spending of it or should it be mutual? 

Thanks!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your money is your and her money is hers. if you let her bully you into your money is hers and her money is hers then its on you.


I think you just need to get away from this person she sounds selfish and unstable.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sunnyroses said:


> So when my wife received an inheritance I felt I should not have a say in how she chose to spend the money. I hoped it would be financially the way we would want it to be, but if she wanted to buy herself some items with the money I was totally ok with that,
> 
> Wondering now about a severance I have received. Would you think I have more say in the spending of it or should it be mutual?
> 
> Thanks!


- how long have you been married?
- how long have you been with the entity providing severance?


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

sunnyroses said:


> So when my wife received an inheritance I felt I should not have a say in how she chose to spend the money. I hoped it would be financially the way we would want it to be, but if she wanted to buy herself some items with the money I was totally ok with that,
> 
> Wondering now about a severance I have received. Would you think I have more say in the spending of it or should it be mutual?
> 
> Thanks!


From what I understand, an inheritance received by one spouse is NOT considered to be 'marital property' or 'community property' in MOST states, as long as the inheritance is kept separate from all marital property. In other words, if your wife received an inheritance and deposited the check into a joint bank account, the inheritance would now be considered marital property. If she deposits it into an account with only HER name on it--one that she had BEFORE she was married, it could be considered separate property. Community property states have laws that are a little different. 

It's best to obtain legal advice to see how the laws in YOUR state operate. 

Severance pay is usually considered marital property.

Vega


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## sunnyroses (May 28, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> - how long have you been married?
> - how long have you been with the entity providing severance?


10yrs to both.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I second Vega

Are you asking from a legal perspective or a moral one


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## sunnyroses (May 28, 2013)

bunny23 said:


> I second Vega
> 
> Are you asking from a legal perspective or a moral one


100% moral.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sunnyroses said:


> 10yrs to both.


Congrats to a decade of work and family  sunny. But that's not the subject here. This is one place the legal system has it right (morally speaking) IMO. Regarding inheritance, while it would be better for both to decide where it goes, I completely understand the argument that the partner recieving it gets the final say.

Regarding things that are acumulated during the marriage however I feel like they should be shared by both partners. Sounds like your work performance which initiating the severance package was during the marriage so I personally think it's morally should be shared money.

So yea inheritance should not be shared property and severance in your case should be shared property. Just my opinion.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree. The law has it right, even morally.

The source of your severance is your job. The income from your job is marital income. Thus severance is martial income/asset. The severance did not come due to you under your company let you go, which was about 10 years after your marriage.

The source of her inheritance is her family. She had legal right to her inheritance long before she met you.

How long ago did your wife get the inheritance funds?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

This is legal stuff, not opinion stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

IMO unless there was something going on in the marriage where I don't 100% trust my partner..

If I got 500k or whatever from a family member I would share it.

Severance is different because it's a work thing... lets say it was a bonus. Although if you are financially secure I say share.. take a nice vacation etc.

Regarding legal- if his wife put the money into marital property- Let's say she purchased a car- does inheritance get turned into marital or traced back as inheritance? 

Not to hijack, but my stbx purchased a car from marital property, is that car considered marital once the courts look at it? He got a very nice car, while mine is falling apart, and is getting another one from his mother for FREE in 2 weeks.

I'm wondering if I should fight for the car...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

bunny23 said:


> IMO unless there was something going on in the marriage where I don't 100% trust my partner..
> 
> If I got 500k or whatever from a family member I would share it.
> 
> ...


As soon as the inheritance money gets mixed with "marital money", it would be come marital property. For example, if it was used as a partial payment on a house or car. If someone wants to keep it separate, they need to be very careful about keeping it separate.

But I'm not a lawyer, and you should get real legal advice from someone in your area. But since the car was purchased with marital money, you should be entitled to half it's value in assets (assuming its not upside down on a loan). As far as the next car goes, if he received it after you separated, then you would likely have no right to any portion of its value.

C


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Inheritance is inheritance. If you put another's name on the deed/note/whatever, it is now shared/gift.

Again, this is law, not opinion. What a person does with an inheritance is up to them. Severance is income. Opinion is immaterial.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bunny23 said:


> IMO unless there was something going on in the marriage where I don't 100% trust my partner..
> 
> If I got 500k or whatever from a family member I would share it.
> 
> ...


Yet look at what would have happened in your marriage if you had received a large in heritance early in your marriage and mixed with your marital money. Your husband would now have YOUR inheritance.

IMO, in marriage it's best to follow what the law says. Those laws are there for a reason.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

PBear said:


> As soon as the inheritance money gets mixed with "marital money", it would be come marital property. For example, if it was used as a partial payment on a house or car. If someone wants to keep it separate, they need to be very careful about keeping it separate.
> 
> But I'm not a lawyer, and you should get real legal advice from someone in your area. But since the car was purchased with marital money, you should be entitled to half it's value in assets (assuming its not upside down on a loan). As far as the next car goes, if he received it after you separated, then you would likely have no right to any portion of its value.
> 
> C


No. Many jurisdictions apply a tracing mechanism to separate funds. So if you put inherited funds as a down payment on a house that ends up to be jointly titled, with nothing else indicating a gift and the passage of time is not extensive-you may get the money back upon divorce.

here's an article on this.

http://www.divorcereality.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/tracing.pdf


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

Leaving the legal stuff aside, at a moral/gut level an inheritance is more like a personal gift and severance pay is (un)employment income. Gifts are meant for self-indulgence (whether frivolous like a new Coach bag or practical like paying off a car) whereas severance is meant to provide you something to live on while you look for another job. That said, I think the size of the inheritance makes a difference. If its a couple hundred (or whatever amount would not make a significant difference to your particular family finances), by all means go enjoy a day at the spa and celebrate the life and generosity of dearly departed Aunt Bertha. But if it's a couple thousand, I'd hope you'd use most of that for "us."


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Starting different threads and giving limited info in an attempt to get different answers is a bit ... not quite honest, OP. Before you gave values and people gave their opinion, now people are giving different opinions because they don't have all the info. 

Is this the same $100,000 and how you want to spend $80,000 on a car because the wife bought $3,000 in furniture?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Yet look at what would have happened in your marriage if you had received a large in heritance early in your marriage and mixed with your marital money. Your husband would now have YOUR inheritance.
> 
> IMO, in marriage it's best to follow what the law says. Those laws are there for a reason.


Call me a romantic, but I will NEVER be married if I have to plan for the worst case scenario. If I don't trust someone with my inheritance....then why am I trusting them with my heart and self? 

Bear in mind, this is coming from a guy who had an inheritance basically taken by his exwife (gave her the check, she put it into our join account, bought a new car for her with it and was divorced 8 months later LOL). I wouldn't have changed my behavior then nor now. At that moment, I thought she was my wife and deserved my trust. 

What I DID learn was to be more careful with whom I give my heart to, I don't regret the money, I regret what I emotionally went through in that marriage etc.

If you think your potential spouse, or current spouse might "steal" your inheritance....get a divorce or don't marry that person.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Starting different threads and giving limited info in an attempt to get different answers is a bit ... not quite honest, OP. Before you gave values and people gave their opinion, now people are giving different opinions because they don't have all the info.
> 
> *Is this the same $100,000 and how you want to spend $80,000 on a car because the wife bought $3,000 in furniture?*


Wait...WHAT?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Guys, this is from a moral standpoint not legal, he's not getting divorced!!!!

From a moral standpoint, KISS MY *Bleep*

From a legal standpoint (if you're getting divorced) you're SOL. If you're still married, you don't have to give her half, you don't have to spend it on her, etc....

I could take my check right now and cash it and gamble it all away or drink it all away (my wife would kill me though). My wife can't goto a judge and say well he owes he 1/2 of that money and make me pay her. Well, unless she was in the process of divorcing me then we might have a different issue.

If it was me, I would treat myself to a little something, take the wife and kids out for a good time (use only a small amount), pay down some bills and save the rest for a rainy day.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Wait...WHAT?


OP how has three threads about this topic, including this one, all giving a slightly different account of events:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...king-2x-your-spouse-salary-joint-account.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...on/102257-wits-end-over-finances-aaaaghh.html

And the responses people give varies on the information they have available, in one of the other threads, people are suggesting he's an financial abuse victim, and to get a divorce. 

In one, the discussion is about how his wife bought furniture without discussing it with him (to the tune of $3,000 apparently) and related to that or not related to that, he wants to spend the larger portion of this inheritance he received on a car. OP and his wife are at odds about that, and apparently, money in general. 

But getting people to say you are right by giving a different view of things OP, isn't going to help things with your wife - you need to look into MC or financial counseling, or both to get to the root of the problem. "Proving" you are right isn't going to fix it. You need to get to the heart of the matter on what she's uncomfortable spending money (I have my suggestion on another thread) and why you feel compelled to spend it - both stemming from your cancer scare.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Inheritances are intended for the heir. Personally, I don't think a spouse has any right to expect or request their partner to share an inheritance.

Parents don't work and save so they can provide an inheritance just so an in-law can enjoy their hard work. They do it so their child can enjoy the fruits of their labor. With today's divorce stats, people would be wise to stash their inheritance away for their retirement.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> OP how has three threads about this topic, including this one, all giving a slightly different account of events:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...king-2x-your-spouse-salary-joint-account.html
> 
> ...



*Is he a student? We keep getting students posting financial questions for their homework. They throw different financial scenarios and can't keep their story straight *


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## sunnyroses (May 28, 2013)

mablenc said:


> *Is he a student? We keep getting students posting financial questions for their homework. They throw different financial scenarios and can't keep their story straight *


Lol. No everything above is all incorrect. 

My orig query was simply a moral one. We've dealt with an inheritance and a severance and I SIMPLY wanted to know how people view handling them. If your spouse recd an i heritance did you feel any right to having a say in it. Same for severance. 

Im not divorcing. Im not spending $80k on a car lol. Im not spending any severance on a car. Im not looking to trick anyone to getting them to agree with me. My question was separate enough from my other discussions and warranted a separate thread. I appreciate the feedback.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you were to divorce, a judge would decide who gets what, so what you believe is right or moral is irrelevant. If you stay married, your wife will consider your severance pay in whatever way she considers your severance pay, so, again, what you consider right or moral is irrelevant. Life as a married guy is really pretty simple.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

I think the legal and moral answers run close together here.

An inheritance is money that is gained at the loss of a family member and not typically considered as community/marital property. 

A severance package is a payroll money that is paid in a lump sum with the intent of the receiver rationing it out to cover the time lapse between periods of gainful employment. Payroll money is community/marital property.

If my wife lost a family member, while they are also my family, it's different connection and type of family. Her inheritance would be hers alone and not for me to control or have say in. 

If I received severance though, that's to pay bills with.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Since we're talking morals here, I say it's all community property.

I view the marriage as an entity... funds that come in, from what ever source, belong to that entity. That doesn't mean that one partner in the entity (me) wouldn't tell the other partner in the entity (my wife) to go ahead and blow the inheritance on herself.

In my case, my wife inherited some money when her mother passed away. I did more for her mother than her actual son did for her, but I didn't get anything (her son got inheritance, too). Why wouldn't my wife want to share the inheritance with me?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Since we're talking morals here, I say it's all community property.
> 
> I view the marriage as an entity... funds that come in, from what ever source, belong to that entity. That doesn't mean that one partner in the entity (me) wouldn't tell the other partner in the entity (my wife) to go ahead and blow the inheritance on herself.
> 
> In my case, my wife inherited some money when her mother passed away. I did more for her mother than her actual son did for her, but I didn't get anything (her son got inheritance, too). Why wouldn't my wife want to share the inheritance with me?


I agree it's that way for my situation as well. I have two sons from my first marriage and a stepson by my current marriage. When our assets are passed down it will be equally split amoung the three of them. It's likely that before that time, my wife's mother will pass and my parents will pass too. Her mother doesn't have any monetary assets to pass down but my parents do have some to pass down if they choose to do so. It's their choice to do what they wish their money. If we recieve inheritance then it becomes our assets and we'll have it split equally between our three boys.

Now it's not so simple though when older couples marry who already have wealth and grown children. Each case is different.


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