# Question about being soulmates opinions appreciated



## LongRoadtoRuin

My question is.....Is there really such a thing as Soul Mates and if there is, can someone really be YOUR Soul Mate if you are not theirs?


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## Almostrecovered

Soul Mates


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## LongRoadtoRuin

Thanks?


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## unbelievable

"Soul mates" do not exist. Successful marriages are the result of picking a decent partner, being a decent partner, and both being deeply committed to the success of the relationship; caring more about the success of the marriage than in their own selfish, individual concerns. There is no magic house that won't require painting or repair, no magic garden that produces outstanding vegetables without hard work, no magic cars that don't need maintenance. 
I think the concept of "soul mates", as I understand the term, is dangerous. It implies that your partner is perfect for you and you are perfect for them. If either of you seriously disappoints the other, you must have made a mistake. You can't be true "soul mates" so you'd better start looking for their replacement. 
If you are perfect for someone that implies you don't have to really do much to keep them happy other than breathe. You found them, they found you, everybody's happy, game over. There are no magic pumpkins and rats don't turn into coachmen. Finding any partner is only the beginning. The emotions of both partners are going to go through changes throughout the relationship. Nobody's giddy happy 24/7 for the rest of their life.


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## Mavash.

I read a soul mate is one who shows you the very worst in yourself. I believe this which means how healthy you are determines how great your soul mate is.

Oh and it doesn't mean just one nor do you have to marry them.


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## RandomDude

I reckon soul mates is just a measure of chemistry no? =/


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## LongRoadtoRuin

I was just curious what people thought. I don't really care for the term Soul Mate. It does give the connotation of perfection which I don't believe in, besides I want to kept on my toes my tippy toes in fact and for that I would need someone more my match.


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## relationshipsguide_gal

Hi LongRoadtoRuin! Interesting topic  I personally don't believe in the term "Soulmate" per se because I don't think there are "perfect" relationships. I do believe though that it's possible to live (contentedly) with someone for the rest of your life. I also think that this someone could be anyone as long as you both cherish your relationship and stay committed and true to each other despite the ups and downs. Cheers! mae (relationshipsguide_gal)


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## salamander

H and I view one another as soulmates. Unbelievable is right when s/he says it's a problematic concept. With H and I, we use it as a perspective: it even surpasses our vows! We didn't just obligate to be together, we are destined to not just get along, but to grow together. It is the most profound direct experience along with surrender to our mutual purpose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf

I used to use the term "soulmate". I never thought that the person or the relationship had to be perfect. That's irrational and illogical. What I believed it meant was that that certain someone was as close to the perfect person and relationship that I could find. We were intensely attracted. The sex was great. We got along well. We had similar goals and worked toward them. All of these things last a lifetime. They all take work, but the work doesn't seem like it's namesake. All things just kind of naturally fit and work well together. The two compliment each others abilities and qualities and are better together than by themselves. Life becomes more fully experienced and enjoyed. 

There are very few of those types of relationships. They are rare. Probably why most do not believe in them.

Edit: From what I have read on here, the emphasis is on the sexual gratification and prowess and the rest is where the work is. 

Also, I don't think one person can be a soul-mate alone, even if there is such a thing.


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## FormerSelf

I think meeting a partner sometimes feels like a kismet or destiny...especially when we are so keyed into said individual and we suddenly start seeking signs that it was a match made in heaven. For example:
I met my wife at a time when she was having man problems...having been wild. She had been staying with a somewhat adoptive family...who the dad told her to make a list of what she wanted in a man...in a sense releasing all of it to God...and then just tuck the list away. Well just as she was writing this list in their car...we, several cars from our church, were driving down the road to gather at a restaurant...a friend's car had problems and we all pulled over. I remember getting out of my car to assist and then surpised her saying, "Hi!" just as she was reluctantly writing this list. I blew her off 'cos I knew a friend liked her. Months later we met again...by accident, but made no attempts to reconnect...but then the next am, my mom mentiond out of the blue: "What do you think about that ____, from church?" I guess she had been praying for me a coule years prior because I was down after a missed love connection...and then felt a name come up...whic was my wife's name...so when she met her at church before...it crossed her mind. I was pretty bewildered by that 'cos although I was keenly interested now...I felt that coincidence was too much (and I didn't even KNOW that list existed) and but I had no way to contact her...plus I only had actually seen her maybe four times...twice in passing, once at the big gathering (blew her off) and finally, at a coffe shop where we spoke for maybe an hour. I just prayed and left it to God...that if it was in His plan, then we would meet again. And we did...bumped into her one night...and then we rarely spent a day apart from each other up until we got married. Oh, and that list...it was nearly me to a "T"...one thing that stood out was that I was really into tennis at that time...and she had randomly said she wanted a guy who could teach her to play tennis. For me, that was a clincher...that perhaps "soul mates" existed.
I recall in our brief pre-marital counseling, our pastor has actually eschewed the notion of soul mates, that a connection could be made with anyone, but I have to admit I didn't agree at the time. And when times got really hard...I felt like those signs were anchors to keep me in the game.
But now the marriage is ending after her infidelities, our dysfunctional relationship...I don't know what to say...or know how to see the point in any of this. My belief I guess is that we are who we are...and we are attracted to who we are attracted to...but I believe in the exchange of vows we do in that moment start the process of sharing each other from within deepest core. I was ready for that at my marriage...sadly, my wife would never learn to attach, to be bonded as soulmates. 

MAYBE God or destiny or whatever you believe does bring things our way...but there still is the process of choice and freewill. People are paired by their vow and their commitment to each other and to that vow...but when one or both are unable to commit or stay committed, the they aren't soulmates, are they? It doesn't matter how much the stars align...we still have a choice to make it work or blow the whole damn thing apart.


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## salamander

Former Self, tears sprung into my eyes when I read that she had infidelities. What is the deal with that?

H and I have had "run-ins" but not outright infidelities. My ex-bf just before him, though, that man cheated on me relentlessly. I thought of that ex as my soulmate until I met H. What a difference! So I do believe that a person can even have serial soulmates.

Karma is a school with infinite instructors....


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## SimplyAmorous

For many yrs I used the term *Soulmate* in talking about my husband.....cause I always felt I found mine....(He still uses it in regards to me- I'm not going to yell at him for this)....

But one night yrs ago now.... I caught this Christian Marriage Counselor on TV ....talking about this concept/belief..... and how it has the potential to HURT many marriages...

Because when going through a really rough patch, one may start to QUESTION if who they are with = their "*Soul mate*"....or they missed him or her.... they entertain that their soul mate is still out there waiting to be found... tempted to chase some Romantic rainbow - dancing in their heads .....










Instead of sticking it out & working together for a reconciliation / that* hard work* needed to find peace & Harmony within the marriage, they are tempted to look outside of it. 

So in this way, the "soul mate" belief can lead one down a wrong path ...

The Beef of that program was...a Marriage is what we put into it, where 2 people give & share lovingly & care about one another...this can be found with MANY people around the globe, also if we loose a spouse, we can find it with another ....compatibility is helpful here....but there is no bonafide soul mate for each. 

I really enjoyed that program & seen much *WISDOM* in it...

Yet still...me & mine still refer to each other like this on occasion... We're not perfect..noone is or ever will be -fights will come....yet we can laugh & still find great love in those very "imperfections" ...my attempt at explaining this HERE >> 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...t-but-beauty-can-found-our-imperfections.html


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## MiseryIsHere

I believe in the idea that God gives us a spouse and that one person is meant for us. However, in times of death, sometimes we get two. The term "soul mate" to me leaves someone to think that no matter what, those two people are bound. I think that regardless of who we are with, we have to sacrifice, devote, trust, etc.. with that other person. As far as your question about if you can have a soul mate but a person does not see you the same way, I don't know. Sometimes I think we have to keep trying if we truly know the right person for us.


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## MrsLadyWriter

I think of my H as my soul mate. But we are FAR from perfect - either one of us or together.

I think a soul mate is someone who sees your imperfections and loves you anyway. Someone who will love you even with bedhead or morning breath. Someone who go out in the middle of the night or in a raging storm to get you something from the drugstore because you are in pain. Someone who will do all of that and more with no complaint because it's the right thing to do. But most of all, it's someone who makes you a better you just because they are in your life. Someone who just makes you want to be a better person.

You may be okay without him/her, but you are GREAT with him/her.

:bounce:


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## Maneo

If you believe in fate and that life is preordained and there is moe larger force at work controlling all our destinies then soul mates make some sense. As Einstein said, "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
On the other hand, if you believe life is not preordained and we are all the masters of deciding our own fate and God gave us the ability to make our own decisions and take action on our own, right or wrong, in other words, God has given us the power to decide our own fate, then soul mates don't make much sense.


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## Cee Paul

I used to believe in the whole soul mate or "one true love" sentiment or idea, but now my belief is that there are _many_ people out there we could match up and totally connect with around the world. And if you happen to find one of them and can make it work for 50 years then that's awesome, but if it doesn't work out then not everything was lined up and you'll have to go out and try and start over again.


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## EleGirl

I don't believe in soul mates or "one true love" . There are about 7 billion people on this earth. If we all had to look for that one soul mate out of 7 billion we'd all waste your lives going through a lot of people.

The idea that our one soul mate always happens to be living somewhere so that we can meet them is just silly.


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## Fozzy

EleGirl said:


> I don't believe in soul mates or "one true love" . There are about 7 billion people on this earth. If we all had to look for that one soul mate out of 7 billion we'd all waste your lives going through a lot of people.
> 
> The idea that our one soul mate always happens to be living somewhere so that we can meet them is just silly.


:iagree: The math is against the idea of soulmates.


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## Jellybeans

LongRoadtoRuin said:


> My question is.....Is there really such a thing as Soul Mates and if there is, can someone really be YOUR Soul Mate if you are not theirs?


I don't believe in soulmates, personally.


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## Jellybeans

Almostrecovered said:


> Soul Mates


Omg I looove this, Almost!!! From that site:

_"Right away, this raises a few questions. For starters, is your soul mate even still alive? A hundred billion or so humans have ever lived, but only seven billion are alive now (which gives the human condition a 93% mortality rate). If we’re all paired up at random, 90% of our soul mates are long dead."
_

HAHA. I knew it! Marc Antony of great Rome in 80-30 B.C. was my soulmate. Dammit for not living at the same time on this earth! Lol


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## Fozzy

Another reason I don't believe in soulmates is that it kind of inclines people into laziness in their relationships. Good relationships are hard work. The idea of soulmates is counterintuitive to that.


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## unbelievable

If you and a randomly selected person of the opposite sex both want a marriage to work badly enough to do the hard work necessary, it'll work. This "soul mate" hooey implies there is some perfect match for you and all that is required is for you to find them. If there's a problem in your relationship, it's because Yo Yo isn't really your "soul mate" and you must have made a mistake. There are no perfect people, no perfect matches, no easy or problem free relationships. Everyone is great and everyone is a jerk. It just depends on which day you inspect them. Folks all over the world marry people they don't even know and lots of them have incredibly satisfying marriages while our "soul mate" garbage has a success rate about that of heads on a quarter.


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## Nsweet

LongRoadtoRuin said:


> My question is.....Is there really such a thing as Soul Mates and if there is, can someone really be YOUR Soul Mate if you are not theirs?


According to psychics who can read past lives, if you believe in such a thing, there are more soul mates out there than you realize. One in a million? More like one in a couple thousand. 

How can that be? Supposedly everyone has had at least one past life where they've met the same soul friends, had soul enemies, and had soul mates and loves. Really there are hundreds of soul mates you will meet throughout your life. Some people may luck out and meet theirs at the right time, others may meet a soul mate when it's too late and they're already with someone, or too old, or too young. 

Now does that mean you should break the law and their relationship to be together with your soul mate (again)? No! Because odds are you'll meet them again another time around. Sometimes you will fall in love with a soul mate that more of a soul friend. And sometimes you meet one of your soul mates that's born the same sex as you. 

Although, you're not always going to be ready when you meet a soul mate... that doesn't mean that's the only shot you get. You could have dated a soul mate in high school, met another one in college, married and divorced one, given birth to one, and have another one waiting to meet you soon. 

You may not subscribe to the theory of past lives and reincarnation, but it's a good way of explaining why love is always able to find you and you tend to meet people you feel like you known before, good or bad. Like you'll meet someone who absolutely hates you with a passion for no reason, and someone you automatically bond with despite a language barrier. It's an interesting concept.


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## RoninJedi

Personally, I don't believe in soul mates. There are more than six Billion people on the planet. That means the odds are there will ALWAYS be someone out there somewhere who is better for you than the person you're with now.

However, that doesn't mean your marriage can't be perfect - or at least as close to perfect as humans can get. It's all about how much work you put into it, just like anything else.


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## 2galsmom

I no longer believe in soulmate as there is ONE person out there that is your match or even in multiple soulmates. I no longer can believe in God preordaining things either. I am predestined to find NO ONE? This is a difficult to accept.


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## SimplyAmorous

MrsLadyWriter said:


> I think of my H as my soul mate. But we are FAR from perfect - either one of us or together.
> 
> *I think a soul mate is someone who sees your imperfections and loves you anyway.* Someone who will love you even with bedhead or morning breath. Someone who go out in the middle of the night or in a raging storm to get you something from the drugstore because you are in pain. Someone who will do all of that and more with no complaint because it's the right thing to do.* But most of all, it's someone who makes you a better you just because they are in your life. Someone who just makes you want to be a better person*.
> 
> *You may be okay without him/her, but you are GREAT with him/her*.
> 
> :bounce:


I enjoyed this post....I really don't see anything wrong with using the term - when a couple feels this way about each other..

My husband has always called me his soul mate, I find it very endearing ...I love that he feels this way....In reality...I don't believe I could live a 2nd lifetime and catch another Fish like him. 

It's all in how someone* FEELS* about another...not so much the meaning of "you only get one shot in a lifetime for happiness in love".


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## rainwife

LongRoadtoRuin said:


> My question is.....Is there really such a thing as Soul Mates and if there is, can someone really be YOUR Soul Mate if you are not theirs?


I don’t believe in soul mates, but I don’t believe in divorce really. I think you just keep at it. I’m not saying this from a perspective of naivety... I have had a fairly eventful marriage so far. But there are good times. Many of the lady’s I know who leave there husbands for “soul mate” tend to end up alone divorced and with children after the spark of lust dies down. It seems to be that most who would split up a family are not in fact “in love” but really just incredibly selfish. I mean after all if you loved a woman would you tear her family apart or stay away wanting what was best for her and her children? Selfishness is not a great marital contribution IMO.


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