# Just venting about finding help for depression



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

A lot has happened in the past 6-7 months. I won't go into all of the details, but after taking a self evaluation, there's a strong possibility that I'm severely depressed. I don't dispute the results, so, next move...get some therapy, and, if needed, meds. A lot of it is relationship-based (my own and others'), so I'm looking for someone who reports a degree of specialization in that area. Easier said than done.

--First called to set an appointment with the counselor my wife and I saw during our problems, since she already knew some of our history. She'd retired.
--That office made me an appointment with another counselor there. When I showed up for the session a few weeks later, found that one had left the practice and I hadn't been notified.
--Decided to try my wife's former psychiatrist. He doesn't see family members of past or present patients, as it may compromise confidentiality (she may have talked about me during her sessions).
--Found one through my insurance company's site, called to make an appointment...voicemail said the practice closed last October.
--Found another through insurance and submitted an online appointment request yesterday. Got a reply today that it can't be facilitated. Which is fine...on further research, patient reviews say that he basically adjusts meds and doesn't do any talk therapy.

Running out of options.

Anyone else had a similar experience in finding a therapist, and if so, how'd you resolve it?
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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Sorry you are having difficulty. I have been there and it is so frustrating it just adds to the depression, it is crazy making.

The first time I experienced situational depression, I got an Rx for anti-depressants and anti-anxiety from my GP, and went to "the best" psychologist in the area. It was a big mistake, he was so busy because of his reputation he didn't have the time to see me often enough. I was left to self direct with meds... Anyway, this is not about me. 

Is there an employee assistance dept. or service at work? Does your health insurance or GP have any recommendations?

Again, it sucks to be stuck "shopping" for help when you are probably worn out/down. I hope you find someone soon.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Go to your GP first. Have them give you a recommended list. (Usually broken down by insurance companies). If you are desperately in a bad spot and need immediate help, have your GP give you a prescription to get you through until you find a therapist. It could take a couple of months to get your first appt with a therapist as a new patient so you have to judge if you can wait that long. If you feel suicidal or thinking of hurting yourself you need to tell your GP as any meds can make that worse before they make it better and it may not be worth the risk for you. Seriously. Also if you are very bad off there should be walk in psych hospitals that can offer immediate emergency help. They are basically emergency rooms for mental health and will take you in for a few days to help you weather the storm and get you back on your feet.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

One more thing - ask your GP about any other non prescription relief methods they can recommend before you get into therapy. There are some natural supplements out there and even diet changes that some people swear help. I do not recommend doing any of this without your GP instruction because some of the supplements can interact with any other meds you are taking and sometimes other health problems too. 

Sorry to hear your in this boat.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Grayson said:


> A lot has happened in the past 6-7 months. I won't go into all of the details, but after taking a self evaluation, there's a strong possibility that I'm severely depressed. I don't dispute the results, so, next move...get some therapy, and, if needed, meds. A lot of it is relationship-based (my own and others'), so I'm looking for someone who reports a degree of specialization in that area. Easier said than done.
> 
> --First called to set an appointment with the counselor my wife and I saw during our problems, since she already knew some of our history. She'd retired.
> --That office made me an appointment with another counselor there. When I showed up for the session a few weeks later, found that one had left the practice and I hadn't been notified.
> ...


I'm sorry that you're going through this. Yeah. I have had a similar experience trying to get the right treatment. I don't have depression but I do have a mental illness and I understand how frustrating it is to try to get help. I spent nine years in the wrong treatment until I was finally able to find someone who could help this past year. I wish I had some really good advice. My trip through therapyville has really been just searching for information online. I was finally able to find a specialist in my illness this year. I would search and then match the therapist with the insurance. Luckily the person I found this year is covered by my health insurance.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Thanks for the suggestions.

kag, I'm actually also in the market for a new primary care doctor. The practice mine is with opened a new office some 30-40 minutes away, and he moved there. Not all that wild about most of the others at the nearest office, so I've been shopping there, too. Never rains, but it pours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Grayson said:


> Thanks for the suggestions.
> 
> kag, I'm actually also in the market for a new primary care doctor. The practice mine is with opened a new office some 30-40 minutes away, and he moved there. Not all that wild about most of the others at the nearest office, so I've been shopping there, too. Never rains, but it pours.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will have to keep us posted on how it's going. I wish you the very best.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I'm not a doctor, but I've suffered with chronic depression for years but I've learned to manage it, instead of it controlling me and without meds.
Find a therapist and go regularly. I went for a year and a half straight, every 2-4 weeks and read this book "The Battlefield of the Mind", by Joyce Meyer. It is a Christian based book on how Satan poisons your thoughts, but you don't have to be Christian for it to help you. Depression is a choice. Here is my favorite quote- "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional" and that is the truth. Unfortunately negative thoughts will drown out positive ones, we are negative by human nature.
Meds aren't the answer and most of the time will either make you worse or a zombie, but serve only as a distraction and not a solution.
Start keeping a daily diary and list every good thing that had happened that day. If you can get out of bed, you already have it better than some. It's all about focusing on the positives in life and not the negatives. Praying for you and best of luck to you. You can beat this


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

What people said about talking to your GP is good advice. Mine offers a lot of suggestions for non-medical ways to help.

You can also go to the Psychology Today website and search by location, "specialty" (marriage, depression, sex, addiction, etc...) and insurance coverage. The therapists I have spoken to all spent about 20 minutes on the phone discussion the problems before arranging to meet.

Another thing is before you go to see the therapist, make a list of issues you want to address, the results you want to see from their help and a timeline as to when to see results. All of these need to be flexible until you've seen the therapist a few times. Then you can gauge progress with your therapy.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

.


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## tobewise (Jan 7, 2015)

Hi Grayson, I have been depressed for as long as I can remember and also have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and possibly dyslexia.

About a year ago, I started going to a local university's behavior health clinic. Because it is a teaching clinic, I have more than one person looking at my case.....the resident and their supervisor. Sometimes students have the latest and greatest information in their field. My psychiatrist at a different clinic was a resident when I first saw her and she has been the ONLY one to get me on the right meds combination to help take the edge off the depression and bipolar disorder. Anyway, I digress.

The best part of going to this clinic is that it has helped me more in one year than all the 20+ years combined going to an "experienced therapist". Plus it is inexpensive because it is usually subsidized (I only pay $10 a session and go once a week. I used to pay $55 co-pay for each session with a seasoned therapist.)

Just wanted to throw that out there as an option. I didn't know these clinics existed until I couldn't afford therapy and the therapist I was going to at the time referred me to the university.

Hope this helps.....take good care of yourself.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Curse,

As always, thanks for the kind words. I'd all but forgotten about starting this thread, with the tsunami of thoughts that swirl in my head daily.

To answer your question, it's probably as stabilized as it will be. Husband moves into his apartment the weekend of Valentine's Day, and the weekend before, he, another friend and I are going to a...fine gentlemen's establishment (at his request). Meanwhile, as things don't go exactly as she planned (she can't keep the house), her communication to me has slowed (seems to be a case of too much opportunity for me to say, "I told you so" for her tastes). Oh, and as of dinner about 2-3 weeks ago, she's daydreaming of marrying Slick (who she's known for a whole two months).

I'm in a far less gut-wrenching place mentally, but know I still need to get some help. Through no fault but my own, the search has been back burnered because I just plain lose track of time, say, "I'll do it tomorrow," then tomorrow runs out of time, as I still seem to get nothing done because I'm so distracted. Good sleep still eludes me, although it's more restlessness than outright anxiety (or so it seems). I sleep through the night, but it's not good sleep, as opposed to before when it was very little sleep and constantly waking up every hour or two. Went two or three weeks without taking any ZzzQuil, and the one night this week that I did was the worst night I've had in a while. All my fault, I know. I need to get off my butt and find someone.
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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

tobewise, thanks for the suggestion. I'll definitely look into that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

No need for thanks. Just glad to see you about and that your update has at least some glass half full moments (Mary's plans aren't panning out as schemed, her betrayed husband is moving on and out, and Grayson gonna make it rain at a fine "gentlemen's" establishment!) 

But most importantly...I'm relieved to read that you're currently in a less tortured emotional state. I agree you should probably still seek out professional support, but I'm encouraged by any victories (no matter how seemingly small) in the battle against depression. Any ground gained is cause for celebration.

Don't be so hard on yourself about not finding a mental health provider yet. Depression makes it very difficult to focus and has a way of stealing time, good intentions, and motivation. It's just the nature of the beast, I'm afraid. And don't be so quick to rule out concomitant anxiety, too. "Restlessness" can be a symptom and depression and anxiety are often sad, sick bedfellows. 

I do hope you find some kind of relief from the insomnia. I know how awful it can get; I've suffered its many manifestations throughout my life. ZzzQuil is just Benadryl or rather diphenhydramine, an antihistamine. Sometimes it works sometimes not. Sometimes it can actually cause "restlessness". It doesn't work for me. My insomnia just yawns in its face and has another cup of coffee. I've not tried r/x sleep meds, so can't comment one way or the other on those. I'm interested to try Melatonin and Valerian Root though to see if they would help. Might look into those if you haven't already.

I wish you well, kind sir. Take care of yourself and keep fighting.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Oh, I know what ZzzQuil is. It and Benadryl - when I've not built a tolerance - normally kick my butt. It'd been a few weeks since I'd had any, but no luck. A friend suggested Melatonin to me, but I've not tried it yet. And, for better or for worse, I'm a cheap so-and-so at such adult establishments (and appear even moreso, since I don't drink). So, I'm not even sure you could say I make it mist, let alone rain. :rofl:

That trip will be interesting as it's only the second time I've been to that particular club without my wife. Wondering if our "regulars" will recognize me without her.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

And the trip has now been postponed. She's going out Friday night and has a "girls' night" Saturday (at least one of which is almost certainly a booty call with Slick), he moves the following week, and has the kids the week after that. New date still undetermined.
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You can contact any hospital for a referral.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Grayson said:


> And the trip has now been postponed. She's going out Friday night and has a "girls' night" Saturday (at least one of which is almost certainly a booty call with Slick), he moves the following week, and has the kids the week after that. New date still undetermined.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, hopefully, you can "make it drizzle" soon for those hardworking ladies shaking their "money makers" and have a little fun.

I hope you're able to get some help from some other pros too...mental health pros that is! Take care!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Curse of Millhaven said:


> Well, hopefully, you can "make it drizzle" soon for those hardworking ladies shaking their "money makers" and have a little fun.
> 
> I hope you're able to get some help from some other pros too...mental health pros that is! Take care!


The hits just keep coming. Monthly performance review at work today. I know I've been having trouble keeping on top of things with the stress and depression, but thought I'd reached a sort of equilibrium where it was still there but not impacting things so terribly. Apparently, I was wrong. Technically, I was not demoted...just a reassignment of responsibilities. But it sure as hell feels like a demotion, because it's in direct response to my performance suffering over the past couple of months.
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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

And now, on the day our tax refund was deposited into the bank, I learn that 83% of it was kept to cover the student loan that my wife claimed was in a payment arrangement plan. But apparently wasn't. Despite her getting a letter (apparently) before we filed our taxes, but she didn't bother to follow up.

I certainly can't imagine why I'm stressed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Just checking in... how are you faring now, Grayson? Any luck finding a good therapist? Hope you are holding up.

Despite my misgivings and lack of faith in the process I'm about ready to take the leap again. Can't take it much longer... here in my head. I know they are just going to want to medicate me again or worse, but I'm running out of options. I can't go it alone anymore.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you and hoping you are, if not well, at least hanging on. Update when you can. Take care of yourself.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Thanks, Curse. My new job duties are taking quite a slice of my time, even having to spend breaks and lunches with the new hires until they get their very own badges and are free to roam the building independently. So, my ability to research and contact a potential therapist is at an all-time low. I was asked by someone else today how I'm doing, and im not quite sure how to put it into words. In one respect, I feel better, because I don't feel the weight of everything crushing down on me. On the other hand, I think it's just acceptance of a "blah" outlook on everything. I'm in a place where I know what changes I'd like to make to my circumstances, but am not in a position to do so, and my not be in one for anywhere from 1-5 years. So, I'm just taking a deep breath and muddling through as best I can.

Hope you're doing well, also, and that you're able to find what you need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Grayson said:


> Hope you're doing well, also, and that you're able to find what you need.


You too, my friend, you too. Godspeed.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Hey Grayson, hope you are still maintaining and doing as well as can be expected. 

I just wanted to let you know that I've tried Valerian Root and it seems to be helping a little with the insomnia... maybe it will help you too.

I use Deva brand because it is vegan and organic, but probably any kind would work. I take two 300mg tablets an hour before bed and I seem to be falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer.

I still wake up too early and have issues falling back to sleep, but the sleep I am getting does seem to be better quality.

Hope this helps. Take care!


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Grayson said:


> Thanks, Curse. My new job duties are taking quite a slice of my time, even having to spend breaks and lunches with the new hires until they get their very own badges and are free to roam the building independently. So, my ability to research and contact a potential therapist is at an all-time low. I was asked by someone else today how I'm doing, and im not quite sure how to put it into words. In one respect, I feel better, because I don't feel the weight of everything crushing down on me. On the other hand, I think it's just acceptance of a "blah" outlook on everything. I'm in a place where I know what changes I'd like to make to my circumstances, but am not in a position to do so, and my not be in one for anywhere from 1-5 years. So, I'm just taking a deep breath and muddling through as best I can.
> 
> Hope you're doing well, also, and that you're able to find what you need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Grayson,

I have experience in your area of need. This is what I suggest:

Go see a therapist for your counseling needs. A good therapist can help you cope with your depression. Ask the therapist for a recommendation on a good psyche nurse (Clinincal nurse specialist, APRN or PA) They should have some with private practices in your area and they can diagnose and prescribe meds. If you can't find one, see a psychiatrist. I wouldn't recommend having your GP prescribe psyche meds even though they do very often. It's better to see a specialist. Way better.

I hope this helps. PM me if you want. good luck.


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