# BI Curious?



## confusedwife24 (Jul 12, 2012)

I've been married to my husband for a little over two years now and we've had trust issues from the start because of his constant dishonesty. Im worried he may be bi curious??? In the past Ive found numerous porn sites on his phone and computer of just men masturbating. I even confronted and asked him about it and he blew up! He completely denied it and said he was not gay or bi curious at all. He never wants to have sex with me facing me he always insists me to turn over. He's also asked many time, well, begged me to have sex with a black guy so he could just watch. Im really concerned. Im not sure if this is normal and others have had to go through this as well... Im not sure what to do, today I came across another bicurious website and im scared to say anything. Any advice?


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## J.R.Jefferis (Jun 27, 2012)

Yes, you should be concerned and you need help. There are some serious red flags in your husbands behavior that need to be addressed. In the first instance maybe you should sit down and have some open, frank (yet loving) discussion about what is going on. If this doesn't work, then getting some outside help. 

JR


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

What could we possibly say that would suggest he isn't bi curious?

Unless you are pulling our legs, of course he is bi curious. He goes to bi sites, looks at gay porn, and wants to watch you get sexed by a black man, after 2 years of marriage.


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## MindOverMatter (Jul 1, 2012)

I'd be willing to bet my mortgage on the fact that he's bi-curious. 

And I agree with the others -- it's time for a very frank discussion with him. You're in your second year of marriage, and this should be a serious wake-up call to both of you.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Ok, up to me to say what everyone is thinking and is afraid to say... Your husband is a closet homosexual. Even the all so telling cuckhold fantasy out of textbook!

You yanks are great with euphemisms... BI curious...


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Ouch. Porn sites like you described are a long ways away from even tranny stuff - which is a bit on the far side for a straight guy. As a longtime married guy who enjoys porn and masturbation on basically a daily basis, I have never had the urge to see anyone else bang my wife. It may work for some folks, but I don't see how that turns anyone on. 

I sadly have to agree with the majority on this thread that your husband is bi-curious at best and has been down that road before at worst. Hope I'm wrong.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Your husband is not curious he is flat out bi. I would wager to say he is having physical contact with men presently. He wants to see you taken by another man believe me that is not where that fantasy ends.


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## Ms.Mya (Jul 12, 2012)

confusedwife24 said:


> I've been married to my husband for a little over two years now and we've had trust issues from the start because of his constant dishonesty. Im worried he may be bi curious??? In the past Ive found numerous porn sites on his phone and computer of just men masturbating. I even confronted and asked him about it and he blew up! He completely denied it and said he was not gay or bi curious at all. He never wants to have sex with me facing me he always insists me to turn over. He's also asked many time, well, begged me to have sex with a black guy so he could just watch. Im really concerned. Im not sure if this is normal and others have had to go through this as well... Im not sure what to do, today I came across another bicurious website and im scared to say anything. Any advice?



Woman to woman... I don't think he's bi.. I'm leaning more towards thinking that he's gay but he's just unsure at the moment. Why does he turn you over during sex???? I don't think a bisexual would do that, I dunno though. That's the red flag to me.. even beyond him watching men having sex. 

And with him getting defensive when you asked him why or when he's been caught is a red flag to me as well.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Don't risk your health with your husband. Men who have secret homosexual tendacies tend to have multiple random partners exposing you to deadly STDs including HIV. Get tested and do not have sex with your husband until you find out the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## missmolly (Jun 10, 2012)

Confused, 
I don't understand how you can have a sexual relationship with someone who won't even look at you during the act. 
Doesn't this hurt you terribly and wave red flags at you?


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

I'm going to put my head on the block here and say that every male has a degree of 'bi-curiosity' in him. We all sneak a peak in the showers, public urinal, at the pool/beach (the guys in tight speedos!) to see how we compare.

The difference is whether we are simply curious to see what the 'competition' has or whether we would like to 'play' with the competition. 
I would reckon that bi-sexual is when you want to take it further and actually 'try'.....


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Your husband's issue isn't that he sneaks some peaks at gay/bi or "tranny" porn. Lots of guys do that who aren't out there screwing other men, and never will. The internet has allowed people to explore curiosities that they might otherwise never have even thought of checking out. You'll never get them to admit it though, so don't bother. 

The biggest red flags here are the need to turn you over during sex, facing away from him. There is a strong possibility that he is fantasizing about screwing another man. A truly bisexual man enjoys sex with women and wouldn't feel the need to turn a woman over. Of course he could also be fantasizing about another woman too, but the other signs suggest otherwise.

The desire to see you screwed by another man is telling when added to the other instances. That's the beginning. He wants to see another man in action sexually, and will likely try and coax you into making it more of group sex, everybody does everybody, situation. 

Or there is even the horrifying possibility that he's already got a lover, or at the very least a specific person in mind, and is eager to introduce them into his sex life with you.

You need to take this VERY seriously. He's already lying to you, and lies are the biggest red flag of them all. 

Do you have any reason to suspect at all that he might already be having encounters? Unaccounted for time? Strange charges? Major behavioral changes, such as anger, or an increasing distance?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

He could be bi. There are a ton of guys who are bi that are into the cuckold scene (wanting there wives to deny them sex and watch other men have their way with her).

I know this thread is a couple weeks old but I hope things work out for you. Have the honest conversation and dont take flight out denials as fact.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Ms.Mya said:


> Why does he turn you over during sex????


Are y'all saying if a guy turns a woman over during sex, that he is bi? We do it often... missionary to doggy or me laying on my stomach, how is that bi? I'm curious.. 

For the OP, yes, huge red flags... And I'd say the two biggest that I see in your post is the defensiveness when you confronted him about his internet history and his fantasy that he seems pretty insistent on. The not wanting to see your face while having sex is something that seems disrespectful since it happens everytime, not necessarily a sign that he is bi IMO, however, coupled with everything else, yes, it could be a sign...


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

confusedwife - are you "song" from this recent thread...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/51606-how-would-i-know-if-my-husband-gay-bi-curious.html

Looks like the same situation. If not, maybe you'll find some useful replies there. Your H's constant dishonesty is possibly the bigger problem here, and yes, he sounds gay to me.


Cherry said:


> Are y'all saying if a guy turns a woman over during sx, that he is bi? We do it often... missionary to doggy or me laying on my stomach, how is that bi? I'm curious..


I think some posts jumped on that above b/c the OP said her H ALWAYS wants to turn her over. You're right, most 100% straight guys (including me) love the hell out of the positions you mentioned.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

missmolly said:


> Confused,
> I don't understand how you can have a sexual relationship with someone who won't even look at you during the act.
> Doesn't this hurt you terribly and wave red flags at you?


I will have to tell my wife to stop wanting me to do that, didn't realize she wanted me to turn into a Bi...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I'd encourage you to get yourself to a PFLAG meeting.

PFLAG: Coming Out Support for LGBT People 

You'll find people like yourself who can help and support you.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I get the feeling he's gay and dipping his toe into the pool to be sure.

doggy style is awesome but not if it's every single time. Isn't that what the dude from brokeback mountain did to his wife when he came home after being gay with his ranch companion?

i'd start making him wear a condom.or stop having sex all together.

then get him to the meeting Larry is talking about.You don't want to find yourself 20 years into marriage with a bunch of kids when your husband finally comes out and tells you he can't live a lie anymore.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

He needs to stop watching the porn. Seriously, being married means you entered into a commitment to dedicate yourself to your spouse, and not watch porn of any kind, in turn asking your wife to turn over because he has been watching too much man porn? Seriously, this is so appalling that I wonder where you get your strength to tolerate this selfishness against you. If he wants you to turn over, fine, but no porn of any kind, the affect of it is never constructive.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> He needs to stop watching the porn. Seriously, being married means you entered into a commitment to dedicate yourself to your spouse, and not watch porn of any kind, in turn asking your wife to turn over because he has been watching too much man porn? Seriously, this is so appalling that I wonder where you get your strength to tolerate this selfishness against you. If he wants you to turn over, fine, but no porn of any kind, the affect of it is never constructive.


That wasn't in my marriage vows. And it's simply not true that viewing porn is always destructive. Sure, it can be, just like alcohol can be. But I do just fine with my glass of wine with dinner. That doesn't mean I'm about to go on a week-long bender.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> That wasn't in my marriage vows. And it's simply not true that viewing porn is always destructive. Sure, it can be, just like alcohol can be. But I do just fine with my glass of wine with dinner. That doesn't mean I'm about to go on a week-long bender.


The point I am trying to make is that masturbating whether its accepted by the other spouse or not does not and should not condone that it is good for the relationship. Its not always the case that you hear "my husband needs to jack off more" unless it is for the point that the wife is fed up with her husbands HD. Most of the issues arising in marriage are those of masturbation, pornography, affairs, him/her not initiating, displaying affection, which can be summed up to be a degree of selfishness. It is relatively hedonistic to masturbate, look to pleasure your spouse not to ask them to pleasure themselves because you can't or don't feel like it.


You and many may disagree, but I hope my point is understood.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> The point I am trying to make is that masturbating whether its accepted by the other spouse or not does not and should not condone that it is good for the relationship. Its not always the case that you hear "my husband needs to jack off more" unless it is for the point that the wife is fed up with her husbands HD. Most of the issues arising in marriage are those of masturbation, pornography, affairs, him/her not initiating, displaying affection, which can be summed up to be a degree of selfishness. It is relatively hedonistic to masturbate, look to pleasure your spouse not to ask them to pleasure themselves because you can't or don't feel like it.
> 
> 
> You and many may disagree, but I hope my point is understood.


Yes, and your point is off target, it seems to me. Porn was presented as a symptom and not the main cause to OP's concern - it was whether or not her husband could possibly be BI or gay.

You can think of porn what you like, but it is not likely the cause of being bi or gay.

OP, I know a guy who got out of the closet at the age of 38. He had a pregnant wife and 2 kids - kind of a mess. If he previously was asked if he happened to be gay, he would have denied it to the bitter end. I don't think you will gain anything with the talk, if he is not ready to come clean.

But if it was me, I would keep a close eye on him.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I understood that may not be the root of the issue, but the viewing of the porn in general needs to stop or else it will escalate into a greater problem, as it is already affecting the sex in the marriage that the wife notices enough and comes on to an internet forum. If he was "gay" or "bi" and married, whatever the reason, the porn is not bringing good results, unless people nowadays don't relate a possible cause for a certain affect as enough of a clue to say, "well MAYBE it is, lets try to do without, see what happens"


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