# Why am I so paranoid??



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Why am I so paranoid when it comes to my man's exes??, he's had a few, but, I am only paranoid about one. I can't stand her, and when I see him talking to her, I get so stressed. I stopped talking to all of my exes, just because I know how paranoid it would make him, but I asked him to stop talking to her, and he refused to. I hate her so much, I have never hated anyone this much. He went up and stayed with her last year, he was meant to be staying in her spare room, but because the spare room already had someone in, he slept in her room, on 'her floor'. Why can't I believe that nothing happened??, all I keep thinking about is the fact that they're exes, so there was once a lot of feelings between them. And to be honest, because of my paranoia, I have it in my head that those feelings are still there, because of him refusing not to talk to her. Also, I am getting really paranoid that he will find someone else at work and leave me, :-(. Please can someone give me any advice.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Why did he stay with her last year ? What is your man doing spending time with an ex ? Why did you allow this ? And he stayed in her room, which means they most likely had sex.

He clearly does not respect you, and still has a thing for the ex. Time to say bye-bye to him.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

barbados said:


> Why did he stay with her last year ? What is your man doing spending time with an ex ? Why did you allow this ? And he stayed in her room, which means they most likely had sex.
> 
> He clearly does not respect you, and still has a thing for the ex. Time to say bye-bye to him.


He stayed there because he had to renew his passport, and he wanted to go out and take pictures with her (because they both have the interest of photography). All of the messages between them is in their own language (neither of them are English), but they both speak English and their own language. I don't see why their messages have to be in their language. It does my head in because I can't understand a word of it, I have been trying to learn his language, but it is difficult and I only know the basics. I wanted to go with him to stay at hers, so it would calm my mind, but they wouldn't allow me because it would be 'weird', and she lived with her mum, and I wouldn't be able to talk to her mum, because her mum doesn't speak a word of English. So I was stuck here, with so many paranoid thoughts, and so many paranoid dreams, they were so bad that I couldn't even sleep because I was scared to have more. I didn't find out that he slept in her room until months after he came back, and he confessed to me, but he's sworn to this day that nothing happened, but why can't I believe him??


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

There is just a complete lack of boundaries here with your man. I would be paranoid too if I was you. He didn't tell you for months after the fact about sleeping in her room ?

Have you asked yourself why you want to stay with a person who seems to show you so little respect ?


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

barbados said:


> There is just a complete lack of boundaries here with your man. I would be paranoid too if I was you. He didn't tell you for months after the fact about sleeping in her room ?
> 
> Have you asked yourself why you want to stay with a person who seems to show you so little respect ?


Yeah, months after, he told me. And I want to stay with him, because I love him so much.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow. He blatantly chose her over you when he informed you that you being there would make it awkward.

Rule 1 in marriage, your SO is invited and welcome any place you go, or you don't go.

Hell yes it would be awkward having your wife along while you stayed with your gf.

They cheated together. The pictures thing is such a bald faced lie. I mean really?

Do you want to be with him knowing he was with another woman?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> All of the messages between them is in their own language (neither of them are English), but they both speak English and their own language. I don't see why their messages have to be in their language.


If they are text or e-mail messages, google will translate them all. If they are spoken and you have them, there are all kinds of translating apps out there.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Wow. He blatantly chose her over you when he informed you that you being there would make it awkward.
> 
> Rule 1 in marriage, your SO is invited and welcome any place you go, or you don't go.
> 
> ...


He is a very good photographer, and I know it is one of his biggest hobbies. I love him, and he hasn't admitted anything happening, he keeps denying it, so until he admits it, I can't really do much.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> If they are text or e-mail messages, google will translate them all. If they are spoken and you have them, there are all kinds of translating apps out there.


Yeah, I have tried translating some messages in the past, but some don't translate properly, but I remember reading one from him to her saying that I'm too paranoid, and that I am too soppy toward him, which he hates. He's the type of man that never shows love, and can't stand it when it's shown to him too much.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> Yeah, months after, he told me. And I want to stay with him, because I love him so much.


Do you love him more than you love yourself? I don't think that relationship has a happy ending. 

He told you months later that he stayed with her? You know that's not right. He refuses to have no contact with her? You are right to worry. They speak in their language, knowing you can't understand? Any normal person would be paranoid. He is choosing her over you. 

Consider very carefully if staying with this man is worth losing your self esteem, your self respect, and being subjected to emotional abuse. You may love him, but at what cost?


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Aunt Ava said:


> Do you love him more than you love yourself? I don't think that relationship has a happy ending.
> 
> He told you months later that he stayed with her? You know that's not right. He refuses to have no contact with her? You are right to worry. They speak in their language, knowing you can't understand? Any normal person would be paranoid. He is choosing her over you.
> 
> Consider very carefully if staying with this man is worth losing your self esteem, your self respect, and being subjected to emotional abuse. You may love him, but at what cost?


I do love him more than myself. I have never really had self esteem or self respect anyway. I love him more than anything. I can't lose him. To be honest, I don't think he's spoken to her for a while, at least a month or so.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> Yeah, I have tried translating some messages in the past, but some don't translate properly, but I remember reading one from him to her saying that I'm too paranoid, and that I am too soppy toward him, which he hates. He's the type of man that never shows love, and can't stand it when it's shown to him too much.


So he is sharing details about you and your relationship with her? No, you're not paranoid. Your intuition is screaming at you, self preservation is kicking in. He is complaining about you to an ex, that's a pretty big red flag waving right in your face.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Aunt Ava said:


> So he is sharing details about you and your relationship with her? No, you're not paranoid. Your intuition is screaming at you, self preservation is kicking in. He is complaining about you to an ex, that's a pretty big red flag waving right in your face.


I don't even know what to do, :-(.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> I do love him more than myself. I have never really had self esteem or self respect anyway. I love him more than anything. I can't lose him. To be honest, I don't think he's spoken to her for a while, at least a month or so.


You must realize this is not a healthy relationship. You can't really love someone until you learn to love yourself. 

You have chosen a man that will treat you the way you 'think' you deserve to be treated because you have low self esteem.

You need to work on yourself, read self help books, gain some confidence. You deserve to be loved and cherished. You deserve a man that will respect and honor you. You deserve a man that will put you ahead of his past girlfriends. 

The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Stop the insanity.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> I don't even know what to do, :-(.


Yes, I think you do. You know this is a bad situation, that's why you sought out an internet forum. You know your instincts are dead on. 
You need support from friends and family. Ask them what do they think about the relationship? 
Stand up for yourself. Learn about healthy boundaries. Respect yourself.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Aunt Ava said:


> Yes, I think you do. You know this is a bad situation, that's why you sought out an internet forum. You know your instincts are dead on.
> You need support from friends and family. Ask them what do they think about the relationship?
> Stand up for yourself. Learn about healthy boundaries. Respect yourself.


I don't talk to my family about my relationship, and I don't really have any friends.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Why not?


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Aunt Ava said:


> Why not?


Because I dislike my family, and over the years, I have fallen out with friends.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Ok, you have isolated yourself. So now meet some new people. If you don't want to make any changes, don't expect anything to change.

I skimmed over some of your previous posts, remember the friend you were worried about...the one in a bad situation? That's you now. What did you want to tell her? Tell yourself that now.

You were given good advise by this board a year ago. At that time you were with him only a month, you had warning signs already. 

He will continue to treat you this way, because you have allowed him to so far. Until you make a change expect more of the same. 

The best advise I can give you is to recommend you seek counseling. There is always a way, you must seek to find it.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Aunt Ava said:


> Ok, you have isolated yourself. So now meet some new people. If you don't want to make any changes, don't expect anything to change.
> 
> I skimmed over some of your previous posts, remember the friend you were worried about...the one in a bad situation? That's you now. What did you want to tell her? Tell yourself that now.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I was thinking counselling, but I'm not good verbally telling my problems, I'm better typing them.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Don't let that stop you from seeking help. Most people aren't real comfortable talking about their pain, issues, and troubles. Counselers are used to that.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Aunt Ava said:


> Don't let that stop you from seeking help. Most people aren't real comfortable talking about their pain, issues, and troubles. Counselers are used to that.


Ok, thank you.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

My man told me he had a dream that he was talking to a good mate of his (a girl mate) in the dream,and because of my 'trust issues' I ended up going mental in the dream and apparently stabbing his mate..,I said,that's funny,yesterday,I was thinking about one of your mates and the fact that I want to get rid of her because she's also your ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> My man told me he had a dream that he was talking to a good mate of his (a girl mate) in the dream,and because of my 'trust issues' I ended up going mental in the dream and apparently stabbing his mate..,I said,that's funny,yesterday,I was thinking about one of your mates and the fact that I want to get rid of her because she's also your ex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 That is his way of telling you that you are jealous, controlling, and crazy.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

SaltInWound said:


> That is his way of telling you that you are jealous, controlling, and crazy.


What do I do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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