# Would you get married again?



## morituri

For me the answer is "No way".

Perhaps because I've been married twice and my age, 57, that I don't see any benefit to getting hitched for a third time or more.


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## Nomorebeans

Right now, my knee jerk reaction is No Way.

But really, I still believe it can be a good thing if you're with the right person. I definitely know the kind of man I'll avoid next time.


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## EleGirl

I am tempted to say no. But if I met a man who was really a good man I'd seriously consider it. I know I would.


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## BlueWoman

I'm in the I don't know camp. 

I don't really want to get married right now. I don't even want to be emotionally tied down. But who knows. I rule nothing out.


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## Rowan

I would re-marry if I found the right man. But I'm also not shopping for a husband.


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## Openminded

No possible way. 

I had a marriage of four and a half decades. Two years out of it, I enjoy dating casually but there's no possibility I would remarry. One and done for me.


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## Wolf1974

I can only say I don't know because no one knows what will happen. I never thought I would be divorced at 40 either. 

If I met an incredible and faithful woman I would change my answer to yes with a prenup.


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## TheGoodGuy

I'm a reformed hopeless romantic here, so I'm not saying it could never happen. With the right woman (is there a test for morals and loyalty?) there is a chance. But probably slight.


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## soccermom2three

Probably not but who knows. I've had a good marriage overall so if something happened to my husband and I was single again, I'm not sure I could find that again at 50+.


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## Pluto2

Nope. I said those vows once. Maybe one day someone will enter my life and I'll want them to stay a more permanent basis. But that basis will not include vows of marriage.


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## SecondTime'Round

I said yes, but with a pre-nupt. I honestly had never thought of that until I read this poll, but wow, yes, I think I'd want one. I stand to inherit a lot when my mom dies, and the thought that someone I haven't even met yet could be entitled to half of that? Yikes.


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## unblinded

Probably not. While I will still welcome a LTR, I see no real benefit to being legally hitched to someone. 

Things just get messy.


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## arbitrator

* For an older, modestly educated man, I find that I am mostly in the "I don't know" encampment, perhaps with a slight lean toward "an unequivocal 'No!'"

Having been "blessed" with two marriages in this lifetime, and alternatively "cursed" with their rather deceptive breakups and divorces, I know that I often find myself of being victimized, greatly to the point that if I eventually came to ever again fall in love with and subsequently marry the most loving and faithful, God fearing, loyal woman in the world, that my physical presence as well as my actions toward her would eventually steer her to committing infidelity all on her own, no matter how faithful and loving that we both are.

All too often, I feel much like the proverbial little toddler who, while walking around and discovering the pleasures and pains of life, always seems to stick his hand into the burning fire of the heater, greatly to the point that you just up and lose your faith in ever finding the true love that you are so longingly searching for!

As for me, I know that I'm going to have to try to lose that fastly tightened armor of insecurity that I've put on, all out of being burned by two traumatic "scorched earth" types of marriages.

And while it may take a discernible period of time for me to ever relearn the facets of trust and commitment with another woman that I should have done, I remain hopeful that there may be one out there that will aptly prove to me that those God-awful shells of marriages that I had been previously involved in were truly the exceptions much rather than the rule!*


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## Jane139

Easy to say "no way" right now, but then who knows what could happen?
Still...I would have to say "no" at this point.
I am mid-fifties, was married twenty years, no kids. Anyone I am likely to meet will probably have grown kids, grandkids, etc and a new wife is probably not going to be made overly welcome. And I am finding out how much I enjoy living alone.


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## Married but Happy

I did, because I found an ideal match. We were both very hesitant to marry again, after our first experiences - and were afraid that the stigma of marriage would ruin our relationship. We even agreed to divorce if marriage changed us, and try to recapture what we had. However, we are fortunate that our relationship has not changed, so we've stayed married. Perhaps the very low value we place on marriage - and the very high value we place on each other - helped us avoid the many pitfalls.


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## lifeistooshort

I did too because like Married but Happy I found a great match and I didn't want to give up simply because ex hb was an arse.

I honestly don't get the I'm never getting married again just because I've been hurt mentality. We've all been hurt, that's life, but why would you make a new partner pay for that? I get that sometimes there are practical reasons so avoid marriage and am not talking about that. I just know that if my hb had taken this attitude we wouldn't be together because I'd feel like I was paying for the sins of his ex.

Fortunately it worked out for us. 

Please note that I speak only for myself, I get that this is a sensitive subject.


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## lifeistooshort

Married but Happy said:


> I did, because I found an ideal match. We were both very hesitant to marry again, after our first experiences - and were afraid that the stigma of marriage would ruin our relationship. We even agreed to divorce if marriage changed us, and try to recapture what we had. However, we are fortunate that our relationship has not changed, so we've stayed married. Perhaps the very low value we place on marriage - and the very high value we place on each other - helped us avoid the many pitfalls.


Just curious, why did you get married if you place such a low value on it?


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## Married but Happy

lifeistooshort said:


> Just curious, why did you get married if you place such a low value on it?


Health insurance. She needed it or would have died. I had it.


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## arbitrator

Married but Happy said:


> lifeistooshort said:
> 
> 
> 
> Just curious, why did you get married if you place such a low value on it?
> 
> 
> 
> Health insurance. She needed it or would have died. I had it.
Click to expand...

* You're a damn good man, MBH!*


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## Married but Happy

arbitrator said:


> * You're a damn good man, MBH!*


Thanks! But she's an even better woman - I am the lucky one.


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## lifeistooshort

Married but Happy said:


> Health insurance. She needed it or would have died. I had it.


Understood. That's a big reason. .... there are good legal reasons to get married. 

One thing for me was that he bought the house before I moved in and I pay at least half the bills based on my income. I wasn't going to mix up my finances with someone I wasn't legally married to, and that includes the house equity.

I know you can fight about this in court even if you're not married but it's more difficult, and I've had a couple of lawyer friends tell me that judges do not like to mediate financial and property disputes involving unmarried people because there aren't good legal guidelines for them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle

I would get remarried. 
I've been burnt and I've learned from it, I think (or hope)..

Financially I think you need to know what the laws allow or don't allow a new spouse or common law wife/husband to take.. 

I think every adult who has been around this should be smart enough and be adult enough to discuss finances and such with the person they are moving in with or allowing into their homes.. 

If they can't, won't or don't know how or allow this other person to con them into believing that everything will work out and be okay.. Then shame on them for being a blind fool and/or not be adult enough to have this sort of discussion.

Though I hold no real stock in "marriage" per say. I have no issues with someone whom I love the opportunity to be able to say they are married or my wife..


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## wilson

SecondTime'Round said:


> I said yes, but with a pre-nupt. I honestly had never thought of that until I read this poll, but wow, yes, I think I'd want one. I stand to inherit a lot when my mom dies, and the thought that someone I haven't even met yet could be entitled to half of that? Yikes.


I'm pretty sure that if you keep an inheritance in your own account, it doesn't get split in a divorce. If you put the money in a joint account it becomes marital property, but if you keep it in an account only in your name, the inheritance will stay yours.

Of course, talk to a lawyer to be sure.


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## arbitrator

* Wilson is correct! Co-mingling any of those inherited funds into a joint account in essence makes them community funds simply through your implied actions. The only feasible defense to such is to have her sign a valid prenup prior to the marriage, but even as such you still may have problems countering!

A good rule of thumb is to always keep inherited funds as separate as you possibly can. Preferably in your very own account!*


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## pragmaster

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Yes, but with a prenuptial agreement AND with the approval of my family FIRST.

One thing is for sure, we would simply elope to some island or go to Amsterdam.


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## morituri

I mean no disrespect to the marrieds commenting but this question is geared towards people who are divorced in the "Life After Divorce" forum. But since you are here and commenting, I will add my 2 cents as a divorced person.

As far as the assertion that by not choosing to marry again, we are punishing innocent unmarrieds for the sins of our XS, that is so wrong. Sure there are those who blame women or men in general for the state of marriage but those folks tend to be in the minority. It isn't until you find true happiness and freedom that you come to realize that you really don't need to be married to another person.

And finally, the divorce rate is higher for 2nd, and subsequent marriages. Divorce is financially ruinous to many and the older a person is, the worse it is. Add to the fact that western societies are very ageist and the likelihood of most older people to bounce back financially from a divorce, is severely diminished. The risk/reward ratio for many does not make it worth it to get married.


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## Holland

I answered yes but didn't see yes with a pre nup (or Binding Financial Agreement which is what we call it) so I want to change my answer.

Yes I will get married again but only with a BFA in place.


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## bandit.45

Fvck...........no.......


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## lifeistooshort

morituri said:


> I mean no disrespect to the marrieds commenting but this question is geared towards people who are divorced in the "Life After Divorce" forum. But since you are here and commenting, I will add my 2 cents as a divorced person.
> 
> As far as the assertion that by not choosing to marry again, we are punishing innocent unmarrieds for the sins of our XS, that is so wrong. Sure there are those who blame women or men in general for the state of marriage but those folks tend to be in the minority. It isn't until you find true happiness and freedom that you come to realize that you really don't need to be married to another person.
> 
> And finally, the divorce rate is higher for 2nd, and subsequent marriages. Divorce is financially ruinous to many and the older a person is, the worse it is. Add to the fact that western societies are very ageist and the likelihood of most older people to bounce back financially from a divorce, is severely diminished. The risk/reward ratio for many does not make it worth it to get married.



Just as I meant no disrespect to those who choose not to marry again. You certainly make valid points to be considered, I was only stating my personal position. Certainly my position might not be compatible with everyone else and that's ok, it was compatible with my husband which is all that matters.

I'll admit that I find it a tad irritating when I see someone with a partner who wants to get married and they don't comment about how a piece of paper is not big deal. Clearly that is not a truthful statement because if it was and it means that much to your partner why not do it?

If one does not wish to be married at least have the decency to be truthful about it and be straight about why. Don't claim it's just a piece of paper because clearly that's not true.

And there are plenty of people that do make new partners pay for the ex, you see that with the "I've been burned" attitude. But clearly there are other considerations not involving this and I respect that.

It would be interesting to me to see whether subsequent marriages are indeed as ruinous financially as the first; intuitively you'd think that first marriages are typically where kids are involved and people are more likely to start out with very little and build assets together, so the damage could be great. I realize that many subsequent marriages also have kids but I would think people are more established by then. If you have a spouse as established as you why would it ruin you financially? 

I know for us we were both quite well established coming in so I honestly don't see how a divorce would ruin either of us financially. True we'd have to split assets but there'd be no alimony involved and since we don't have kids together there would be no CS; while we'd both have to go back to one income how would it be different then if we'd stayed single? Except this way I feel better about co-mingling my paycheck. Why should I contribute to the equity of our house without a stake in it? I took some money from my inheritance from my dad and paid off his car.....why would I do something like that without the legal protections of marriage? As it stands everything we do is for the benefit of the household.

I didn't ask for a prenup but would've been ok with one had he asked. Frankly I'd benefit just as much from it.


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## Yeswecan

I do not believe I would. Mostly because I never feared being alone. Would companionship be welcomed? Certainly. But would not go any further. For me, just reaching 50 this month I don't see the point in it. Maybe because I have been there and done that kind of thing. I don't worry about it to much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coffee4me

No, I won't get married again. I just can't think of a good reason to be legally bound in marriage again.


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## morituri

lifeistooshort said:


> I'll admit that I find it a tad irritating when I see someone with a partner who wants to get married and they don't comment about how a piece of paper is not big deal. Clearly that is not a truthful statement because if it was and it means that much to your partner why not do it?
> 
> If one does not wish to be married at least have the decency to be truthful about it and be straight about why. Don't claim it's just a piece of paper because clearly that's not true.


Speaking about being truthful. I had to deal with this with my former girlfriend. From the first time I met her and all throughout our courtship, I was very adamant with her that I would never again get married. She accepted this until two years ago when she started threatening to break up with me if I didn't commit to marrying her. Since I do not take too kindly to being blackmailed, I ended our relationship for good (you should have witnessed the waterworks and phone calls that followed that).

So as you can see, there are many people who enter into a committed relationship with "covert contracts" and when they believe the time is right, they pull the "We're through if you don't marry me" card. Some succumb to it while the rest of us simply say to them "Don't let the door hit your @$$ on the way out".



> And there are plenty of people that do make new partners pay for the ex, you see that with the "I've been burned" attitude. But clearly there are other considerations not involving this and I respect that.


I've found this more to be the case with the so called forgiveness given by BS to their WS after "reconciliation". But you are right, there are those kinds of people and that is why I've said this time and again, that if a BS doesn't conquer the toxic twins of anger and bitterness, that every relationship he/she has will be poisoned by them.



> It would be interesting to me to see whether subsequent marriages are indeed as ruinous financially as the first; intuitively you'd think that first marriages are typically where kids are involved and people are more likely to start out with very little and build assets together, so the damage could be great. I realize that many subsequent marriages also have kids but I would think people are more established by then. *If you have a spouse as established as you why would it ruin you financially?*


The dissolution of assets is akin to a bankruptcy sale. Because divorce is often acrimonious, any sobering thoughts about accruing a mountain of legal debt are tossed aside for the desire to destroy the STBXS. Add to this the ever changing economic landscape where jobs or careers that were once considered secured, are eliminated or outsourced. The result is a very shaky outlook.



> I know for us we were both quite well established coming in so I honestly don't see how a divorce would ruin either of us financially. True we'd have to split assets but there'd be no alimony involved


Unfortunately I've had friends where both worked and earned roughly the same amount per year and yet alimony was awarded to the spouse who requested it, the STBXW. Sure it's anecdotal but it is evidence enough that some judges still use arbitrary judgement calls not based on the law but on their own personal biases.



> Why should I contribute to the equity of our house without a stake in it? I took some money from my inheritance from my dad and paid off his car.....why would I do something like that without the legal protections of marriage? As it stands everything we do is for the benefit of the household.


And you shouldn't that is why there are business contracts that can be used to address this very issue. If your partner balks then you really need to do some very serious assessment about your relationship with your partner.



> I didn't ask for a prenup but would've been ok with one had he asked. Frankly I'd benefit just as much from it.


They should be talked about before the start of a courtship so that there aren't any misunderstanding or feelings of being deceived.


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## honcho

I had to answer I don't know. I never figured I would get married the first time as I was already in my 30's when I met my stbx. I had already seen most of my friends get divorced, my brother divorce and my parents divorce after more than 35 years of marriage.

I was convinced it was a bad idea....till I proposed. I can't even blame it in drinking haha. Its a silly notion but I've never a fan of living together. I always figured if your to a point of living together you should make "the commitment". 

Course when I got married I didn't have anything, we both made the same amount money and I never guessed my career would have done as well as it had and hers went as poorly as it did. 

I'd like to say never but love does make us do silly things now doesn't it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Answered yes but in my case.... I still want to have children. Had my XW and I had children,

I would have said IDK or no. I agree with the statement, never condemn the people in your

future for the sins committed by those in your past. You simply learn from the mistakes made

in the previous M and try to correct them for future journeys.


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## Cooper

I would get married again but only if my new wife agreed we would live in a duplex, she has her side and I have mine. I've gotten very protective of my personal space and time, I don't think I could ever cohabitant with someone 24/7.


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## bandit.45

If I ever had the desire to get in a serious long term relationship again, my list of requirements would probably be too high for any modern woman to tolerate. I guess I have gotten to where I am really no longer willing to compromise anymore, and marriage requires compromise. I've become too selfish. So that disqualifies me right there.


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## bkyln309

My answer is I dont know. I guess it would have to be the right man and the right circumstances. i think a pre-nup would be smart.


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## Satya

4 years ago after my Separation/D, I would have said "no way in hell."

Today, I would say, "yes way in hell." :corkysm60:


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## Jung_admirer

I would get married again, but I would protect myself financially with a pre-nup. "No Fault" is amoral by definition. Since I am not amoral in my endeavors, such a contract does not serve my needs.


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## anonfrank

Another married (though frustrated) here. If I divorced or my spouse passed prematurely, the answer would likely be "no". I'd be open to a LTR but unless the woman was a great match for me, marriage would be a non-starter. I'm a professional, average-(low average?) looking guy and would be too afraid someone would simply want my assets and not me.


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## Hopeful Cynic

TheGoodGuy said:


> I'm a reformed hopeless romantic here, so I'm not saying it could never happen. With the right woman (is there a test for morals and loyalty?) there is a chance. But probably slight.


Like a throat swab or blood test!

I'm sure not dating someone without full disclosure of medical health, credit report and criminal record check.


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## anonfrank

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Like a throat swab or blood test!
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure not dating someone without full disclosure of medical health, credit report and criminal record check.



This. I got burned and ultimately found my wife was mentally ill starting before I met her. If I find myself in a position to do this again, a FULL background check and private investigation are in order. If any findings, good bye!

My son will get this advice when he is of age. I known it sounds unromantic, but there are a lot of people out there who are not good matches.


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## soccermom2three

anonfrank said:


> This. I got burned and ultimately found my wife was mentally ill starting before I met her. If I find myself in a position to do this again, a FULL background check and private investigation are in order. If any findings, good bye!
> 
> My son will get this advice when he is of age. I known it sounds unromantic, but there are a lot of people out there who are not good matches.


I don't know how people do it. Let's say you meet someone and you are both 50ish. That means YEARS that you know nothing about that person except for what they tell you. There are nutty people out there that can put on a really good show for a long while. To me that can be really scary. Especially if you're bringing them around your kids and other family members.


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## Ikaika

This Q comes up often on TAM, and I can understand why it does from time to time. 

Caveat: I'm married and not looking to add a harem 

So, in my situation if I ever found myself single again, would I get married again? Probably not. This is nothing to do with past experience or any person, it has more to do with my family dynamic. Any woman who would want to marry me would need to be fully aware of my oldest sons situation, mentally disabled. It is likely he will be living with me for as long as I'm able to care for him. He is a challenge. I have a separate trust set up for him so that part of my financial portfolio would be off-limits to any future spouse. I would not hide any of these facts from her, but these things would also not be negotiable.


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## Wolf1974

soccermom2three said:


> I don't know how people do it. Let's say you meet someone and you are both 50ish. That means YEARS that you know nothing about that person except for what they tell you. There are nutty people out there that can put on a really good show for a long while. *To me that can be really scary.* Especially if you're bringing them around your kids and other family members.


All true. This is why you move really slow, ask lots of questions and remember the answers. Over time if they are lying the story breaks down. People who move quickly into a second marriage discover down the road they should have moved slower

One red flag is when someone pushes for marriage quickly and avoids questions of their past. It is scary.


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## lonelyhusband321

Not to complain, but why wasn't there a "HELL no - not in a million years - even if the survival of mankind depended on it" answer? 

THAT would be mine....


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## Chuck71

Moving slow into a second LTR / M is critical today. But isn't it weird when you watch the Today

Show and Willard Scott comes on, "this couple's been married 75 years." He adds... they met and were

married three weeks later. Were people always that way? Now everyone is distrustful.....

but if you read TAM, you pretty much can see why. What does this say about today's morals?

I always had a two year minimum before getting M.... we met in '97, M in '99.... you figure the skeletons

come out of the closet by then. Well.... I'm D, shows how great my theory went.

My idea of M has changed. All my aunts and uncles stayed married (one D but remained close),

my parents did..... I would hate to garbage a great idea just from one bad experience.

Maybe it's because modern civilization tends to mirror a Styx tune.... the Grand Illusion


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## aine

I really do not know. I guess it would depend on the man I meet, but then people change.......so I suppose, no would be a more appropriate answer.


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## arbitrator

Jung_admirer said:


> I would get married again, but I would protect myself financially with a pre-nup. "No Fault" is amoral by definition. Since I am not amoral in my endeavors, such a contract does not serve my needs.


* "No Fault," not only being amoral, is IMHO, nothing more than a "cop out" on legal linguistics!*


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## Thor

SecondTime'Round said:


> I said yes, but with a pre-nupt. I honestly had never thought of that until I read this poll, but wow, yes, I think I'd want one. I stand to inherit a lot when my mom dies, and the thought that someone I haven't even met yet could be entitled to half of that? Yikes.


Use a trust!!!!!!

A trust is a separate entity, which must follow the rules written into it. For example, the trust could say "STR gets full use of the funds while alive for any purpose. If STR becomes fully incapacitated, the Trustee is instructed to use the funds to provide all medical and comfort care. Upon STR's death, any remaining funds go to his biological children. Any spouse of STR has no access or legal right of inheritance".

Your mom could set up the trust, or you could set it up after she passes and you have inherited the money.

You'll need a very good estate lawyer to do this right!!

My step-grandmother changed her will after my grandfather died, directing all the many millions to her side of the family. She completely wrote our side of the family out. Had she not done this, my share alone would be in the neighborhood of $5M. Had my grandfather put his estate into the trust he set up (but never activated), his money would have been protected from her re-direction after his death.

While our situation is not exactly like yours, the point is that a properly instituted trust will protect your money so it only goes where you want it to.


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## Ynot

I responded with "I don't know".
At this point it is not something I am looking for, but I am open to the possibility. I think there are some real benefits to marriage as well as some legal benefits, which in my mind are a bonus and not the decisive aspect.
The benefits are a public, legally recognized commitment to each other. In effect you are saying you trust the other as much as they are saying they trust you. I know you can say this without the legal contract of marriage, but I feel the commitment is stronger when it is made publicly known. 
While there are benefits, I think the idea of looking to get married is similar to those looking for a long term relationship. It simply puts to much pressure on the relationship to ever get off the ground.
I think marriage is something that a relationship should naturally evolve into, just as a short term relationship evolves into a LTR and a date evolves into a short term relationship or a simple casual bumping into may evolve into dating. To look for it, precludes so many possibilities that it sometimes fails on it own.


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## honcho

Chuck71 said:


> Moving slow into a second LTR / M is critical today. But isn't it weird when you watch the Today
> 
> Show and Willard Scott comes on, "this couple's been married 75 years." He adds... they met and were
> 
> married three weeks later. Were people always that way? Now everyone is distrustful.....
> 
> but if you read TAM, you pretty much can see why. What does this say about today's morals?
> 
> I always had a two year minimum before getting M.... we met in '97, M in '99.... you figure the skeletons
> 
> come out of the closet by then. Well.... I'm D, shows how great my theory went.
> 
> My idea of M has changed. All my aunts and uncles stayed married (one D but remained close),
> 
> my parents did..... I would hate to garbage a great idea just from one bad experience.
> 
> Maybe it's because modern civilization tends to mirror a Styx tune.... the Grand Illusion


I thought the 2 year rule was a good idea too. I thought by that time you would see all the sides of a person and they would see all sides of me. 

I too have proven the 2 year idea has flaws.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChargingCharlie

Voted "No Way". I vent about my wife a lot (too much, if I'm honest), but also I'm not a good candidate for marriage. Never dated at all (first date at 25), had one serious relationship at 28/29 (lasted six months), and after that one ended didn't have a date for over four years. Only did internet dating because the friend that I hung out with met his wife. Had my first PIV sexual experience at 34 with a divorced MILF that I was involved with for a few months. After ending things with her, met the wife (she was divorced, no kids). 

It does make me wonder what my life would be like if I was single and everything else was the same. I'd have a lot of time to myself as my friends are all married and with kids. Right now, it's work and kids, not much else. Not sure what I'd be doing on weekends if I was single.

Point of all this is that I truly think I wasn't meant to be in a relationship. I was perfectly content to be single in my early 30's doing what I wanted to do, and should have let nature take its course instead of forcing things with the internet dating.


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## BetrayedDad

EleGirl said:


> I am tempted to say no. But if I met a man who was really a good man I'd seriously consider it. I know I would.


Same... except swap out man with woman.


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## jb02157

I think I've been scarred for life. Would never consider it.


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## BetrayedDad

ChargingCharlie said:


> I was perfectly content to be single in my early 30's doing what I wanted to do, and should have let nature take its course instead of forcing things with the internet dating.


You were a 30 something year old virgin and you were forcing things by internet dating? How much slower did you want to take it lol?


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## Married but Happy

I did marry again, and I'm happy about it overall. However, I doubt I would again in some future scenario. I'm not a true believer when it comes to marriage and especially monogamy. In the future, I think I'll go with NO-gamy.


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## Lon

Voted "don't know" but was looking for a "probably not" option. I am pretty much certain I do not want kids again, had an appointment for vasectomy a few years ago but held off until I was entirely certain, and that closure is getting closer and closer. In my opinion, my only reasons for getting married would be to bring kids into the world or for personal religious beliefs, and my spiritual beliefs have nothing to do with signing papers or allowing the government into my bedroom. If I was with a partner who insisted we had to have a wedding, at this stage in my life, then we just don't share the same core beliefs.

As for just the making vows part, I will be loyal to any woman I'm in a LRT with and I expect to be treated with the same respect I show her, I feel no need to announce that to the world it's between us. I would make vows with a woman I wanted by my side but would not make the term until death do us part - if the relationship is no longer functional for either of us and we can't reach a solution why would I choose for either of us to spend the rest of our days in a miserable situation? That is not to diminish the vows I originally made in my first marriage - I had every intention of sticking with those, the fact that I now believe differently isn't because I was damaged or fearful, I'm just older and in a different phase of life. Divorce did set me on a different path but it's not a lesser one.


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## morituri

I wonder if we could get married under an LLC? > Any thoughts?


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## coffee4me

morituri said:


> I wonder if we could get married under an LLC? > Any thoughts?



I had to google that. There is a web page 
Relationshipllc.com 

Quote: 
"Now There Is A New Way To Tie The Knot. It is our position that limited liability companies, "LLCs", may prove to be the new marriage model. Marriage is presently available only to one man and one woman. LLCs are available to everyone, couples (of any sexual mix) who wish to pursue life together, a single parent family and groups of friends. Marriage is based on family law, limited liability companies are based on partnership law and the legal arrangement its "members" agree to."


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## Chuck71

LLCs are very common when people win lotteries


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## philglossop

I have to be honest and say no.

But my reasons are slightly more different to most. As a gay man who entered into a Civil Partnership in England my status is dissolved. Since those days marriage is now legal in England and actively promoted on the gay scene as a beacon of equality. It's all good stuff.

Except........nobody mentions the dark side. The legal paperwork of a divorce, the emotional fall out and financial costs of an absolute. And the same facts appear to be speaking for themselves. The dissolution rate in the UK is climbing year on year- with the average length of some civil partnerships being laughably short (6 years in my case is well above average). It's almost like the LGBT commnity has this shiny new equality....and simply doesn't have a clue that it's part of a legal framework.

And that's why I'd happily get into a long term relationship. But marriage/civil partnership? Never again.


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## Chuck71

The more stipulations put in place, the more cumbersome to achieve

Hundreds of years ago M meant commitment, not a $9k engagement ring or a 

$35k wedding. Most did not even have a honeymoon. A M should be a lot more than a piece of paper

if the paper is the weighing factor, re-weigh your options


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## Holland

Yes I had the $10k Engagement ring (who knows what it would cost now 20 years down the track) and the $35k plus wedding but that doesn't mean that the next time would cost that much. I would actually like to reuse my old Engagement ring but not sure how my ex or current would feel about that. Damn I love that ring and it is just sitting idle in the family safe.
We plan on just having us and our kids at the ceremony, so 7 of us in total. Maybe we will go somewhere nice in Aussie and do the whole thing for $10k including a family holiday.

Marriage is more than a piece of paper and I am not religious. I still believe marriage is a very special, symbolic commitment, like being in a secret club of two.


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## PearlSnaps

No, but purely from the legal perspective. I'm fully willing to admit that I may care for someone again. 

The legal power that a marriage license gives another person over you is pretty profound in certain cases. My situation may have been unique (or maybe not), but you cannot transfer certain assets, sell real-estate without spousal consent. This can hinder your ability to do much when the other person is determined to block your every move; even if it's the best financial outcome for both of you.


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## ClairesDad

My first reaction would be to answer NO WAY! I've been married and divorced twice and both wives cheated. I'm pretty jaded right now. But my best friend from high school has been divorced twice and is on marriage #3. This is his wife's third marriage also. And I haven't seen him happier in 30 years. So I'd never rule it out completely. But I'm pretty happy being single right now. I have a good job, my own house, and it's just me and my 2 kids. Nobody tells me what to do. I'm living my life the way I want to now.


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## tech-novelist

wilson said:


> I'm pretty sure that if you keep an inheritance in your own account, it doesn't get split in a divorce. If you put the money in a joint account it becomes marital property, but if you keep it in an account only in your name, the inheritance will stay yours.
> 
> Of course, talk to a lawyer to be sure.


That depends on state law, apparently, so it is VERY important to talk to a lawyer if you find yourself in this situation.


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## tech-novelist

Jung_admirer said:


> I would get married again, but I would protect myself financially with a pre-nup. "No Fault" is amoral by definition. Since I am not amoral in my endeavors, such a contract does not serve my needs.


You cannot protect yourself with a pre-nup. If only that were possible... but it isn't.


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## Dude007

I realize most have loved and been hurt and loved again, etc but isnt that what life is all about? Relationships? I agree the legal mumbo jumbo can hammer you in divorce, but the ups, downs, and ups are what make life worth living? Its all about the experience. And the more hurt/pain you've experienced they greater capacity you have for love/empathy/joy as they are all related. So lets not be so jaded.....DUDE


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## tech-novelist

Dude007 said:


> I realize most have loved and been hurt and loved again, etc but isnt that what life is all about? Relationships? I agree the legal mumbo jumbo can hammer you in divorce, but the ups, downs, and ups are what make life worth living? Its all about the experience. And the more hurt/pain you've experienced they greater capacity you have for love/empathy/joy as they are all related. So lets not be so jaded.....DUDE


Sure, have a relationship. Just don't get married.


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## Fancie217

If mu husband and I ever divorced, I would never marry again.


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## Lila

I would not consider getting married again if my current marriage were to fail. There's really no reason for marriage in my case, and I would never live with someone without marriage.

However, I would be open to having a committed relationship with someone willing to share his life with me.


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## karole

Been married close to 30 years. If something were to happen to my husband (God forbid), I honestly don't think I would ever marry again. I can't imagine ever loving anyone else. I adore my husband, and I just don't ever see myself falling in love with another man.


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## 5Creed

For now; my answer is no way. I know that there are decent men out there-maybe even some who have been through their spouses being unfaithful to them just like mine was. I am too vulnerable though to put myself out there anytime soon and so I won't. I want to fix the men who I might be interested in and I know that I have to fix myself first and take them for who they are or don't start anything.


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## 5Creed

Holland-my ring was very expensive too~and I love it still. Sometimes I wear it on my right hand. I know my STBX could care less what I do with it but I am at a loss what TO do with it. Do I redesign it? Turn it into something else-but I like the way it looks as a ring! Or just leave it and sometimes wear it on my right hand-of course not when my STBX is visiting the kids! Haha!


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## SadSamIAm

How do I recind my vote????

I just saw the question and voted. Didn't realize I was in 'Life After Divorce'. 

So my vote of YES, shouldn't really count, since I have not been divorced.


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## drifting on

I voted "no way". If my reconciliation doesn't work and I get divorced, no, I won't marry again. In fact the scars infidelity has left on me I doubt I would date. I'm not saying there isn't good female people in the world, but I also don't see being in another relationship either. Kind of like don't put yourself in harms way, I'll be just fine alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4x4

I still wants kids/family so without a doubt a "YES" for me.


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## bandit.45

drifting on said:


> I voted "no way". If my reconciliation doesn't work and I get divorced, no, I won't marry again. In fact the scars infidelity has left on me I doubt I would date. I'm not saying there isn't good female people in the world, but I also don't see being in another relationship either. Kind of like don't put yourself in harms way, I'll be just fine alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been doing the alone thing for a long time now and I am actually happier. I don't know if this will last, but I sometimes wonder if maybe I am one of those guys who was born to live alone. 

I see myself living out in the wilderness in a cabin when I get in my dotage. Or in a little two room shack somewhere in the mountains before I die.


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## Chuck71

bandit.45 said:


> I have been doing the alone thing for a long time now and I am actually happier. I don't know if this will last, but I sometimes wonder if maybe I am one of those guys who was born to live alone.
> 
> I see myself living out in the wilderness in a cabin when I get in my dotage. Or in a little two room shack somewhere in the mountains before I die.


National Geographic's Life Below Zero.... Bandit would fit in perfectly


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## drifting on

bandit.45 said:


> I have been doing the alone thing for a long time now and I am actually happier. I don't know if this will last, but I sometimes wonder if maybe I am one of those guys who was born to live alone.
> 
> I see myself living out in the wilderness in a cabin when I get in my dotage. Or in a little two room shack somewhere in the mountains before I die.




Only I am responsible for my happiness, only I can choose if I'm happy or sad, only I can say I would be better off alone. A cabin in the woods with nobody around sounds like a perfect life. I'm not a big city type guy and love living out in the country where I feel I can breathe. I commute a little over an hour away to work, I live where I can stretch my arms and not touch my neighbors house. I'm surrounded by a cattle farm and corn fields, which suits me just fine. We have signs on our streets that say to share the road with horses. 

I don't need people to make me happy, I need myself to make me happy. I love my family with all my heart and would do anything for them. My only desire if reconciliation doesn't work is to be with my boys as much as possible. I want to teach them many things, many things I did as a young boy. But I'll never have a serious relationship again, that much I have learned. I have scars from marriage ands wounds that will probably never heal. I have been forever changed and hold little hope that I heal completely. 

Infidelity cuts deep, keeps cutting deeper as time goes by. Thoughts and memories you had before become jaded, you live a facade just so others don't know. It will never go away completely, it will never heal completely, it is always there somewhere in your mind. It's in my WW's mind all of the time, and it brings sadness to her a bitter rage to me. I owe it to myself to give reconciliation one best effort, but if my best isn't enough I will divorce with no regret. That does not mean my pain goes away, that does not mean I haven't changed, it means I will be happy alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

Chuck71 said:


> National Geographic's Life Below Zero.... Bandit would fit in perfectly


Except I don't like the cold. Maybe I'll do the desert instead. :grin2:


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## Dude007

drifting on said:


> Only I am responsible for my happiness, only I can choose if I'm happy or sad, only I can say I would be better off alone. A cabin in the woods with nobody around sounds like a perfect life. I'm not a big city type guy and love living out in the country where I feel I can breathe. I commute a little over an hour away to work, I live where I can stretch my arms and not touch my neighbors house. I'm surrounded by a cattle farm and corn fields, which suits me just fine. We have signs on our streets that say to share the road with horses.
> 
> I don't need people to make me happy, I need myself to make me happy. I love my family with all my heart and would do anything for them. My only desire if reconciliation doesn't work is to be with my boys as much as possible. I want to teach them many things, many things I did as a young boy. But I'll never have a serious relationship again, that much I have learned. I have scars from marriage ands wounds that will probably never heal. I have been forever changed and hold little hope that I heal completely.
> 
> Infidelity cuts deep, keeps cutting deeper as time goes by. Thoughts and memories you had before become jaded, you live a facade just so others don't know. It will never go away completely, it will never heal completely, it is always there somewhere in your mind. It's in my WW's mind all of the time, and it brings sadness to her a bitter rage to me. I owe it to myself to give reconciliation one best effort, but if my best isn't enough I will divorce with no regret. That does not mean my pain goes away, that does not mean I haven't changed, it means I will be happy alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm certain you could heal. Infidelity touches like 20-30% of marriages and most heal over time. Maybe you just can't heal in the marriage? That very well may be the case because she is constantly triggering you. If you divorced, healed and re-married another in three years the infidelity would most likely be but a faint memory. DUDE


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## jerry123

I voted no way!!!

If I got divorced and had a GF why would I ruin a good relashionship by getting married???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

bandit.45 said:


> Except I don't like the cold. Maybe I'll do the desert instead. :grin2:


ok..... National Geographic's Life Above 120 Yuma, AZ style *smile*


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## bandit.45

Chuck71 said:


> ok..... National Geographic's Life Above 120 Yuma, AZ style *smile*


Well I just moved from Arizona. Been there done that. 

I was thinking maybe the Altacama.


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## FormerSelf

I chose "I don't know". At this stage, leaning towards "Oh hail naw," but I am open. However, I am keenly aware of the type of women I attract, and I don't want those, so I am going to a take a long timeout and find out how to be a healthy me and how to pair up in a healthy relationship.

I don't want a repeat of what I went through, but I don't want someone else to pay for how much my wife hurt me either. So I'm okay with being Obi Wan Kenobi for as long as it takes. And since I am someone who will avoid physical relationships unless married, I have to contend with what I will give up of I stay single.


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## drifting on

Dude007 said:


> I'm certain you could heal. Infidelity touches like 20-30% of marriages and most heal over time. Maybe you just can't heal in the marriage? That very well may be the case because she is constantly triggering you. If you divorced, healed and re-married another in three years the infidelity would most likely be but a faint memory. DUDE




I only wish this could be true, but it's not. My WW doesn't trigger me but other things do. Even if I divorced I would still trigger driving on certain streets, seeing certain sporting events, and so on. I am healing so be it slowly, but I am healing. Divorce for me is not my better option at this time, reconciliation is the best path for me. So I do this to make me a better person, I'm in IC so in time I will be better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

I check "yes but with a prenupt". 

I think I've got a pretty good picker now - better eye for red flags and such. I don't necessarily HAVE to have that piece of paper but on the other hand it does indicate a huge commitment - and a lot more romantic than a Power of Attorney. 

But after being financially drained and ruined by the ex, financial stability is very important. I'd want to share credit reports, have similar views on finances, have separate and combined accounts and agree on how future earnings would be handled and put that into an agreement. Also how inheritances will be handled since I already have a child and assume this imaginary man might have one or three.


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## DayOne

At this point in time, and without the benefit of a crystal ball, I'd say no.


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## Thor

EnjoliWoman said:


> Also how inheritances will be handled since I already have a child and assume this imaginary man might have one or three.


Trusts, not wills. Anything you give in a will is theirs to do whatever they want with. DO NOT rely on an agreement or existing forms of wills!!

I've told this story before about my grandfather's second wife stealing his many millions from our side of the family. She, too, came into the marriage with many millions. They each had children from their first marriages, and both of their spouses had died young. No children in this marriage.

In this second marriage, they both had wills that said if they were the first to die, everything went to their spouse. If they were the second to die, the total estate was to be split evenly between all of the children. Thus, eventually their large estate would eventually reach their own children.

My grandfather died first, so his entire fortune was transferred to her. She then _changed her will_ so that everything only went to her children! We've consulted with atty's but there was nothing we could do.

Had he used a trust, his estate would have gone into the trust, and upon his death been available for her to use only if she had run out of her own money. But eventually when she died any remaining moneys in the trust would go to only his children. Her estate would go to her children.


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## it-guy

I voted yes. I have nothing left to take. My ex took my old life, and I gave her the equity in the house because the kids live there most of the time. 

I don't feel bad about it. My kids are young. And I want them to have everything they would have had....only better.

My marriage failed because I didn't do my part, and my ex wife didn't do her part.

I have hopes that there may be someone out there that believes in marriage as I do. Time will tell. If not, I would also be ok on my own. But yes, with the right person I would marry again, and be better than I ever was before. We all have to own our part and improve ourselves.


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## RandomDude

Nearing 30, divorced, becoming increasingly disillusioned with human mating rituals, dating, romance, it was fun for a while sure, but now it's getting old and boring.

Didn't want to vote before, because wasn't sure, now I'm certain. Lost all desire for it. Have also become content with single life, with a few FWBs/FBs on the side from time to time, but no longer any desire for more. I'm simply incapable of loving anymore, having it proven to me last few years, so no marriage or relationships for me.

I have my daughter, I have my cat, I have my business, I have my freedom. I call the shots, answer to no one, and life is good.


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## Chuck71

Thor said:


> Trusts, not wills. Anything you give in a will is theirs to do whatever they want with. DO NOT rely on an agreement or existing forms of wills!!
> 
> I've told this story before about my grandfather's second wife stealing his many millions from our side of the family. She, too, came into the marriage with many millions. They each had children from their first marriages, and both of their spouses had died young. No children in this marriage.
> 
> In this second marriage, they both had wills that said if they were the first to die, everything went to their spouse. If they were the second to die, the total estate was to be split evenly between all of the children. Thus, eventually their large estate would eventually reach their own children.
> 
> My grandfather died first, so his entire fortune was transferred to her. She then _changed her will_ so that everything only went to her children! We've consulted with atty's but there was nothing we could do.
> 
> Had he used a trust, his estate would have gone into the trust, and upon his death been available for her to use only if she had run out of her own money. But eventually when she died any remaining moneys in the trust would go to only his children. Her estate would go to her children.


Did your family learn of this when it occurred or after her death?


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## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Nearing 30, divorced, becoming increasingly disillusioned with human mating rituals, dating, romance, it was fun for a while sure, but now it's getting old and boring.
> 
> Didn't want to vote before, because wasn't sure, now I'm certain. Lost all desire for it. Have also become content with single life, with a few FWBs/FBs on the side from time to time, but no longer any desire for more. I'm simply incapable of loving anymore, having it proven to me last few years, so no marriage or relationships for me.
> 
> I have my daughter, I have my cat, I have my business, I have my freedom. I call the shots, answer to no one, and life is good.


RD, 
You aren't even 30 yet. Most people, especially guys, don't even want to consider marriage or a serious relationship yet. And you've already given up for life? 
Enjoy singledom for awhile, date casually, but don't be so cynical as to give up on relationships for the next 50-60 years. Stop the negativity!


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## Thor

Chuck71 said:


> Did your family learn of this when it occurred or after her death?


Pretty much right away. We approached her nicely a few times about how she was dishonoring the well documented wishes of her deceased husband. Eventually she had her lawyer send a "F-off" letter to us.

My share of his estate would have been in the $3 to $5 million range. Life changing! And also life changing for the perpetual care of a multi-handicapped sibling of mine.


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## Tomara

I have been single for to many years to ever go back to living with a man. I don't share the TV remote well at all. My house is always clean, have two wonderful adult kids that love to come see me...I can have beer, pickles and ketchup in my fridge and no one biotches. I date when I want. If I ever agreed to marry again, someone throw a straight jacket on me and haul me to the funny farm!


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## Dude007

She/he will never allow himself to be vulnerable again. After all, if he doesn’t allow love to enter his life again, he cannot be hurt. It follows, then, that if he wants to escape grieving ever again, he simply needs to not love anyone again. Only those people who love can grieve; and, although grieving is not something a person looks forward to, it is better than the alternative: never loving. Grief must become an acceptable and normal part of life and recovery.


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