# I am a prisoner. Hubby doesn't trust me!



## KJrocket (Jul 1, 2011)

My husband's trust issue is ruining our relationship and is driving me crazy! He spies on me when I'm at work by demanding to keep my phone and his phone ON so he could eavesdrop on me and my co-workers. I keep my phone in my uniform pocket. He thinks I might be flirting. He asks who are the males at work. He gets worried about the males at work. If the phone is accidentally cut off, he would call and asks me why I hung up. I have to call him when I need to go to the cafeteria, washroom, etc. I am not at all attractive. I don't even try to. I am so low maintenance. I don't go to salons, no mani-pedi, no girls night out, no purse and shoe shopping- even if I can afford it. I don't have my own bank account. No drivers license. Seems like he wants it this way so I will look weak and be dependent on him. He works part-time. I chose to be submissive and let him be the "king" in the home. I never wanted him to feel inferior because of my higher education higher salary. He makes the major decisions. My work email and Facebook- he checks them before I do, or I check them while he's watching. He blocks the FB site when he's at work so I couldn't message /look at peoples profiles. He hates my mother, and my family. He thinks I would do what my mom and many of my relatives did. In the family I came from, separation, divorce, affairs are the norm. But I actually kept the values I learned in Catholic school and I choose not to go to that direction. We have 3 kids. Married by the judge, not in church, so I'm going against my religious beliefs. He is Catholic too btw. I love him and have no intentions of ending this relationship. My children do not deserve to go through what I have gone through when my parents separated and my mom went with another man. I talk to him about his lack of trust and how it is hurting our relationship. At times he would acknowledge he's wrong and say sorry but every single day he makes me feel that he doesn't trust me with anything. I think it's unfair because I do not have any history of infidelity before and during our marriage, and no plans of doing that. Counselling is not an option for him- for him it's a joke. I was prescribed an antidepressant 3 months ago. I do think I am depressed but I know, too, that HE is making me depressed. I feel resentment towards him. I hate to say that I hate him for how he treats me. What do you think I should do? Thanks for listening.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

How long have you been married? All three children are yours and your husbands?

Have you ever cheated on him? Do you suspect him of cheating?

What you posted seems over the top to me and quite hard for me to take on face value.

What is your profession? His?

Why did you marry him? Has he always been this way?


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## dubs (Oct 24, 2010)

KJ, that is a hard and horrible environment to live under.
A relationship is successful if both couples trust each other. 
You sound like you are fine and do not do anything that should make him want to control or not trust you. 

You have to make a plan and give him an ultimatum at some point asking him to really change. He should address all your concerns and you may need positive people around you to encourage you and him. He has to stop with the 'I'm controlling everything you do'. Slavery should exist in a relationship. Be confident in yourself! Good luck!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Other than that Mrs. Kennedy, how was the motorcade?

Seriously. Your husband some power vs. abandonment issues bordering on full blown paranoia.


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## Pottom80 (Jun 30, 2011)

First of all, I am really sorry, it must be very hard to live like this. But yes, I would be curious to hear the answers to Entropy's questions as well. Especially, was he always like this? 

In any case, this behavior sounds very extreme to me. What would happen if you just refused his requests? What would he do if you refused to keep your phone on all day, for example?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

You are right. You are a prisoner. Everything you've described, if it is all true, spells a recipe for disaster in one way or another and is totally abnormal. Actually, myself...I would be frightened of him. This need to control you to this extent and the paranoia thing...bad combination. He needs help, and you do too, from a counselor or psychiatrist or both! Him for the paranoia issue, and you for depression and for enabling this behavior in him. Do you know what I would tell my husband if he wanted me to keep my phone on so he could hear everything that is going on at work? Well...I won't tell you because I don't want to get kicked off this forum but let's just say I would NOT submit to that request. That's just insane! 

If you cheated on him in the past, if you acted suspicious all the time, if you behaved like someone who is cheating, maybe then I can see him wanting to spy on you and stuff. But this is over the top and wrong! According to you, there is no reason for him to be doing this other than a total blown-out need to control you. Even to the point of trying to put a wedge between you and your family. Because that is one aspect of you he has not got total control over. 

Honey...get help immediately.


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## tjlee (May 19, 2011)

Wow. All I want is for my wife to stop being so friendly with other guys (too friendly borderline flirty) and then my marriage would be perfect...she made ME feel controlling. Your husband has some REAL controlling issues. I am so sorry for you for that. I hope you can make a good decision for your future happiness.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Wow, my hubby gets upset when I am 15 minutes late calling him, he claims it is incase something happens he knows where to tell the police to look. We have been around and around with it, I end up saying its because of insecurity issues. But I have just given in if I am going to be late working out I will send him a simple text letting him know. While your hubby seems to need help so do you. Question before this started did you ever take care of yourself. And NEVER call yourself unattractive, guys hate that, my hubby does, but we have gotten to the point where its a joke now, I will say I'm fat and he will say yep pretty hot and tempting (PHAT) LOL But it could be if you used to take care of yourself and you don't anymore he might be thinking that you are doing something that will allow you to go behind his back. 

But ultimately it sounds like he has some real trust issues, probably going to a past relationship. But you need to step up and do stuff for you. Sit him down and tell him I am not answering my phone at work anymore if you need me for an emergency call the work phone not my cell. Then he will know your at work. Talk about the idiots at work too especially the other guys, even if they are not idiots, show him you have no interest in the other guys at work by *****ing about there stupidity or mistakes at home. Start taking care of yourself, most importantly dress up for him. You deserve your privacy he has his. 

And if its not a trust issue, it could be that he is cheating and he is being SOOOOOOOO over bearing to make sure you don't find out about it. But either way you need help.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Pickil,

please check the dates of when the threads began. These people are probably no longer here. 

Another zombie thread.


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