# I need advice I cheated and Im not sensitive



## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

I am so confused and if I don't pull myself together I am afraid I will look up and had lost everything. I have been married for 9 years and for the most part its been ups and downs the downs have been pretty low but the highs are irreplaceable. We have 3 children that we both love so much but from the start as far back as I can remember sex has always been about pleasing my husband. As a young girl my needs were pretty simple. He paid the bills, provided and I would take care of him and the home. We were best friends we were happiest at that time. We met fairly young 17 and 18 and I had a boyfriend but my now husband was so persistent in pursuing a relationship and was the better option as far as my future went so I left my boyfriend (that I was in love with but he was broke) and started dating him. 

My first indiscretion came after 3 years of marriage when I started feeling lonely. He felt as though he settle down to fast (even though he rushed our relationship) and started hanging out more with his friends and leaving me and the kids at home. We talked about it for a while but my husband is very stubborn so after a while I felt helpless an started having a long distance relationship with an old friend. Soon after he found out and made me end the correspondences and we just kinda moved on. No sex was involved in this occurrence. The second indiscretion came 3 years later. We went through a cold phase, not much talking or communicating. He said he knew he was neglecting me. Around that time I began to express my unhappiness with sex and him not taking me out anymore. He explained to me that he was who he was and maybe I needed a boyfriend. So yes I did (I shouldn't have but I did) we dated, no sex but he would give me gifts, do lunch and talk on the phone. My husband found out bc the guy sent a video of us laughing with the caption we don't have to be intimate to have a bond. My husband blew up and was devastated, crying in disbelief. After that he swore to me tht he would be a better husband to me. We began to date weekly, and take the kids out weekly. He began to surprise me with big gifts and I was good to him. 3 years later he started a new job that required a lot of hours. He would come home exhausted daily to the point he would tell me he doesn't want to hear my voice. I told him that I'm not happy with our sex life and I think it should be more about the both of us and it got worse sex went from 15 minutes to 2 minutes. It went from 2 play to no play. He just would not compromise and I found myself feeling hopeless again. He explained that I'm like an old toy. You love your old toy and your want your old toy with you forever but you don't always play with your old toy. It wont excite you the same as a new toy. For a while I took the "Im so tired' but then I found a hotel receipt with his name on and his credit care. He swear he brought the room for a friend but I look through his phone and he search hotels several times. So when I got fed up it was easy to say f*** it. I have tried to explain tht I felt rejected, unwanted and unloved so I connected with my first love (yes the man I left for him 15 years ago) it was easy bc we didn't feel like strangers to each other. We both were afraid of being seen in public so we met at each other houses (big mistake) my husband found a deleted video of us having sex in both of our homes. My husband decided to stay with me but its been an emotional rollercoaster for us. Some days he wants to love me and other days he hates me. He admits he wasn't having sex with me but he says so what you still shouldn't have had sex with someone else. Especially, since he was only tired bc he was working. I know I had other options eg church, therapist even separation but I didn't want to lose "our good times" we have a family and have built so much. I now feel like maybe I should just forget about sex accept my marriage on his terms and be happy with it. The other side of me says why do I have to give up romance, chemistry and being desired. We often get into big fighter because he said I should have waited for him not to be tired one day and I say he turned his back on me emotionally. Its way more to being a husband than money. I am inclined to defend myself am I a dirt bag??? I really was hurting and now we both are.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You are not a dirt bag and neither is he!

Having said that, my first impulse is to say that the two of you appear to be in rather dire need of intensive marriage counseling!

If for some reason that cannot, in any way, be accomplished, then sadly, separation and divorce might be your only available option!*


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

So your saying because he neglected you it was ok to cheat?

Then yes your a dirt bag!


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Hi there, dollface. Seems he's had a revenge affair. I'm so sorry you're in that position. What you did to him doesn't make it right to do the same to you. If you've both cheated on each other I'd say there's really no hope. Your husband knows the pain of being cheated on, and yet he did it to you. If he is willing to hurt you like that, KNOWING how much that would hurt you, you have every right to leave him.

Or, alternatively, you could have a very deep, very frank, and in-depth discussion about consensual nonmonogamy. You could stay together and be the other's "primary" relationship while you both fall in love, have sex, etc. on the side with each other's full knowledge and consent. The only caveat there would be that last part. You would need to discuss discuss everything you want to do, everyone you want to be with, every type of relationship you could possibly have. So many things would have to be discussed in thorough detail. Anonymous sex only? Friends with benefits? Romantic/love relationship? With the opposite gender? With the same gender? With just one other person or many? Will any or all of the relationships be BDSM/kinky? Will you go to swinging parties? How will you deal with jealousy? What if one of you loves one of your paramours more than your spouse? etc etc etc ad infinitum. It would be imperative to have healthy and nondestructive conversations constantly, so if I were you, I'd get into marriage counseling to learn how to do that LONG before you consider polyamory.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Hi there, dollface. Seems he's had a revenge affair. I'm so sorry you're in that position. What you did to him doesn't make it right to do the same to you. If you've both cheated on each other I'd say there's really no hope. Your husband knows the pain of being cheated on, and yet he did it to you. If he is willing to hurt you like that, KNOWING how much that would hurt you, you have every right to leave him.


Seems like a double standard to me. But thats just me!


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> Seems like a double standard to me. But thats just me!


Nonsense. If it were her husband posting here I'd say the very same thing. He's wrong for cheating on her. She's wrong for cheating on him. He has every right to leave her, too. And really, he should have left her rather than cheated. But when someone comes to a forum for help, the last thing they need is judgment. I try not to make statements about a cheater's character or morals


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Nonsense. If it were her husband posting here I'd say the very same thing. He's wrong for cheating on her. She's wrong for cheating on him. He has every right to leave her, too. And really, he should have left her rather than cheated. But when someone comes to a forum for help, the last thing they need is judgment. I try not to make statements about a cheater's character or morals


Depends if their judgement is poor then sometime pointing it out is helpful. 

Instead of rainbows and unicorns a healthy dose of reality might be useful.

Really don't want to spar with you our views to to far apart


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Tameka said:


> I am so confused and if I don't pull myself together I am afraid I will look up and had lost everything. I have been married for 9 years and for the most part its been ups and downs the downs have been pretty low but the highs are irreplaceable. We have 3 children that we both love so much but from the start as far back as I can remember sex has always been about pleasing my husband. As a young girl my needs were pretty simple. He paid the bills, provided and I would take care of him and the home. We were best friends we were happiest at that time. We met fairly young 17 and 18 and I had a boyfriend but my now husband was so persistent in pursuing a relationship and was the better option as far as my future went so I left my boyfriend (that I was in love with but he was broke) and started dating him.
> 
> My first indiscretion came after 3 years of marriage when I started feeling lonely. He felt as though he settle down to fast (even though he rushed our relationship) and started hanging out more with his friends and leaving me and the kids at home. We talked about it for a while but my husband is very stubborn so after a while I felt helpless an started having a long distance relationship with an old friend. Soon after he found out and made me end the correspondences and we just kinda moved on. No sex was involved in this occurrence. The second indiscretion came 3 years later. We went through a cold phase, not much talking or communicating. He said he knew he was neglecting me. Around that time I began to express my unhappiness with sex and him not taking me out anymore. He explained to me that he was who he was and maybe I needed a boyfriend. So yes I did (I shouldn't have but I did) we dated, no sex but he would give me gifts, do lunch and talk on the phone. My husband found out bc the guy sent a video of us laughing with the caption we don't have to be intimate to have a bond. My husband blew up and was devastated, crying in disbelief. After that he swore to me tht he would be a better husband to me. We began to date weekly, and take the kids out weekly. He began to surprise me with big gifts and I was good to him. 3 years later he started a new job that required a lot of hours. He would come home exhausted daily to the point he would tell me he doesn't want to hear my voice. I told him that I'm not happy with our sex life and I think it should be more about the both of us and it got worse sex went from 15 minutes to 2 minutes. It went from 2 play to no play. He just would not compromise and I found myself feeling hopeless again. He explained that I'm like an old toy. You love your old toy and your want your old toy with you forever but you don't always play with your old toy. It wont excite you the same as a new toy. For a while I took the "Im so tired' but then I found a hotel receipt with his name on and his credit care. He swear he brought the room for a friend but I look through his phone and he search hotels several times. So when I got fed up it was easy to say f*** it. I have tried to explain tht I felt rejected, unwanted and unloved so I connected with my first love (yes the man I left for him 15 years ago) it was easy bc we didn't feel like strangers to each other. We both were afraid of being seen in public so we met at each other houses (big mistake) my husband found a deleted video of us having sex in both of our homes. My husband decided to stay with me but its been an emotional rollercoaster for us. Some days he wants to love me and other days he hates me. He admits he wasn't having sex with me but he says so what you still shouldn't have had sex with someone else. Especially, since he was only tired bc he was working. I know I had other options eg church, therapist even separation but I didn't want to lose "our good times" we have a family and have built so much. I now feel like maybe I should just forget about sex accept my marriage on his terms and be happy with it. The other side of me says why do I have to give up romance, chemistry and being desired. We often get into big fighter because he said I should have waited for him not to be tired one day and I say he turned his back on me emotionally. Its way more to being a husband than money. I am inclined to defend myself am I a dirt bag??? I really was hurting and now we both are.



YOur H has been neglecting you physically and emotionally, that sort of neglect can cause all sorts of problems. You chose o handle it the wrong way and I suspect he has also cheated on you.
It does appear that your WH does not know how to stop neglecting you, you both should consider individual counselling then MC. However, with all the damage that has been done by both of you, it may well be that there is no coming back from it.
Why did you turn to other men, don't you have female friends you can confide in?

I know all about neglect in a marriage but that does not entitle you to turn to someone else. You have to work through why you think it is.
7- 9 years into a marriage is often the time when things go awry, the spark is lost, the responsibilities increase.
I would suggest you get your own IC to work through your emotions, leave your marriage out of it for a while. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it, its about what you can bring to it, maybe if your changed your focus, the dynamic would change.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Hi there, dollface. Seems he's had a revenge affair. I'm so sorry you're in that position. What you did to him doesn't make it right to do the same to you. If you've both cheated on each other I'd say there's really no hope. Your husband knows the pain of being cheated on, and yet he did it to you. If he is willing to hurt you like that, KNOWING how much that would hurt you, you have every right to leave him.
> 
> Or, alternatively, you could have a very deep, very frank, and in-depth discussion about consensual nonmonogamy. You could stay together and be the other's "primary" relationship while you both fall in love, have sex, etc. on the side with each other's full knowledge and consent. The only caveat there would be that last part. You would need to discuss discuss everything you want to do, everyone you want to be with, every type of relationship you could possibly have. So many things would have to be discussed in thorough detail. Anonymous sex only? Friends with benefits? Romantic/love relationship? With the opposite gender? With the same gender? With just one other person or many? Will any or all of the relationships be BDSM/kinky? Will you go to swinging parties? How will you deal with jealousy? What if one of you loves one of your paramours more than your spouse? etc etc etc ad infinitum. It would be imperative to have healthy and nondestructive conversations constantly, so if I were you, I'd get into marriage counseling to learn how to do that LONG before you consider polyamory.


Why did you call her dollface?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

The problem with forgiving someone for cheating is that you cannot forget and regain the same level of trust. From what I have read in various psychological publications, the one who cheated can expect to have their spouse bring it up quite often for a few years. It takes a very long time to regain trust and even then, it will not be the same as it once was. He will be suspicious of you and when he thinks of it, it will anger him. 

I cheated on my wife because we got engaged 3 weeks after we met and then married 8 months later. I had been poly since I was 18 and this was only my second monogamous relationship. The first one ended when my ex fiancee cheated after being with me for 4 years. I did not want to live like your husband, and she did go on to cheat on her husband and is now married to a woman.

Long story short, my wife invited her girlfriends join us in bed, to provide me what she was not able to at that time. As a result our marriage became fantastic as did the relationship and intimacy between my wife and I. It is unfair to confine your sex life to the lowest common denominator. It is unfair to expect your spouse to do without just because you do not want to have sex as much as he/she needs. 

We just celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary because we chose our marriage over monogamy. If interested read this and learn what other couples are doing more and more. Rethinking monogamy today - CNN.com

Marriages fail 50% of the time and yet most rather go down with the ship rather then swim to safety. My wife understood that it was unfair to ask me to come down to her sexual level. That is not something you do to a person you love. You can handle it anyway you wish to but just know that you have choices and do not have to stay within the lines.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Why did you call her dollface?


It's a term of endearment, like darling, duck, sweetheart... things you call people who are suffering and need tea and a handkerchief.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

Sounds like you both cheated. If your husband did cheat it is likely that he used hotels. I find the videos of sex in your home very disrespectful and should be considered spousal abuse. I think you should seperate for an while.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You seem to have the idea that any time things are not good in the marriage that you should go out and find a boyfriend!!!! That is not how a marriage works!

And each time you go out and find a boyfriend you seem to get more courageous and bold - first time was long distance correspondence, second time was dating and laughing, third time was screwing in each other's houses and making sex tapes of each time!!!

In response to one of your questions, yes you are a dirtbag. Anyone who cheats is a dirtbag.

The main question should be what are you going to do next. You should come clean, get divorced and move on with your lives. There is clearly no love or respect for your husband and its possible that your husband feels the same. So move on!!! But you do need to fix yourself with regard to handling problems in marriage.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

So far you have not said whether or not you are still having sex with your boyfriend or are still in contact with him. If the answer to either question is yes, then your marriage is over since it is obvious your husband is not going to accept your boyfriend and your activities with him.

You say you are both hurting, but before anyone can give you any advice that makes sense you have some more questions to answer truthfully to your husband and to those whom you are asking advice from. Despite what one poster told you, very few men as a percentage will accept their wives having boyfriends.

So what's the story. Have you stopped the affair totally or are you looking for us to tell you its OK to "cake eat".???

And lastly, you are a three time cheater in one form or another. So unless you find another coping mechanism other than other men, regardless of your husbands behavior, then you need to divorce. He owns 50% of the marital problems. You own 100% of the infidelity.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Or, alternatively, you could have a very deep, very frank, and in-depth discussion about consensual non-monogamy.
> 
> You could stay together and be the other's "primary" relationship while you both fall in love, have sex, etc. on the side with each other's full knowledge and consent. paramours more than your spouse? etc etc etc ad infinitum.
> 
> So if I were you, I'd get into marriage counseling to learn how to do that LONG before you consider polyamory.


Yikes!
.......................................................................................................................
I know you like quaint dinners.
I know you like romance.

I never realized you liked spicy meat loaf?
........................................................................................................................
On scrambled eggs:
Did you change recipes? :|:|:|:|


Going from Plain....to Western Omelet.


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

I agree we really can savage what we have with counseling but he says "he doesn't want another person knowing our business" He is very private. N believe we should stay together and let time play out. I believe that I am codependent and I have been going to counseling by myself now to try to figure out how can I love someone so much but often times not like him. Thank you!


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

Not that it was okay just that I did. It was wrong I know but I do feel like you have to listen to your spouse and try your best to meet their needs. N no one is prefect. Often times ppl like to say what they would never do but when put in thee situation emotions are involved its not so black and white.


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

Hi I have spoken to him in past about this and he swiftly dismissed that idea. He for one want even admit the hotel rooms was for him. secondly, says I should not have ever felt rejected bc he was tired and I am needed and may possibly need to grow up. He doesn't accept that this is a 50/50 fail. He feels after 15 years of being together we should accept each other faults and deal with them. If it was a problem it should have been addressed along time ago. But I feel we are forever evolving and despite the length of the relationship you two have to work together. I am seeking counseling bc I admit his dismissal of my needs make me so angry especially when he talks so cocky to me. It makes me want to hurt his feelings. But in the end we are both hurt.


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

Yes I agree that he was neglecting me physically and emotionally and I know seeking someone else is not the answer. At the time I always feel like if I can supplement my needs then me and H can still get to forever. I know often times as a defense mechanism he talks mean or cocky bc he may not be happy with sexual performance as well. But also think he lazy and a selfish lover this all mad me so anger at him at times. I am now getting counseling bc I don't want to hurt anyone else like this again.


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

He won't consider separation bc of our kids. They are very vocal about divorce and living under the same roof.


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

I have stopped the affair and must admit with my husband being so cold and mean it has increased my feelings of being lonely and unhappy again. I told myself I will remove the other party, seek IC and see how I feel after that. Its really hard bc neither want a divorce.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Tameka said:


> I have stopped the affair and must admit with my husband being so cold and mean it has increased my feelings of being lonely and unhappy again. I told myself I will remove the other party, seek IC and see how I feel after that. Its really hard bc neither want a divorce.


Of course he is cold and mean and his emotions run hot to cold, be cause he is still angry, and frankly if was the other way around you would be too....honestly i think he is worried that once again he takes you back and just waiting for the next time....its not like this is a first or even a second, each time you have crossed that line further and further....you seriously have ownership issue, and you have a self -esteem issue....if you can't fix this then you need to move on. Yeah i get it it he is not giving you the attention and sex you need, if it is that big an issue, then just waiting until the kids are old enough is not going to work in the long term...something else will happen. As the kids get older, and you get a job where there are male co-workers that will give you the attention you will more likely than not you will cheat again. Assume your husband is never going to change.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

aine said:


> YOur H has been neglecting you physically and emotionally, that sort of neglect can cause all sorts of problems. You chose o handle it the wrong way and I suspect he has also cheated on you.
> It does appear that your WH does not know how to stop neglecting you, you both should consider individual counselling then MC. However, with all the damage that has been done by both of you, it may well be that there is no coming back from it.
> Why did you turn to other men, don't you have female friends you can confide in?
> 
> ...


Tameka,

Many men don't realize how bad the pain of neglect and rejection is for a woman. It is a passive form of abuse, that inflicts significant long term suffering and damage.

It rivals the pain of infidelity, and having a "get over it" attitude in either case is cruel and unfeeling.

Having said that you did inflict just as painful a wound to your husband and marriage.

There is a disturbing lack of sympathy on both sides now.

I also think he cheated.

He considers you a possession, a "toy". Which means you are an object to him.

If you want to save this, you have to go at this unrelentingly!!

By that I mean restoring sympathy to your relationship. You cannot compromise or accept anything less here.

IC and MC are a must.

I dont think he will change, but there is NO reason you should accept this.

You took actions for yourself (by cheating) that were destructive, put that same determination into insisting your marriage becomes a mutually sympathetic and caring one, or end it and move on.

For goodness sake stop defaulting to cheating, when a relationship you are in goes south.

You are not a toy, have some respect and don't accept someone, anyone treating you that way.

I really wish you both well.

Take care.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Tameka said:


> Not that it was okay just that I did. It was wrong I know but I do feel like you have to listen to your spouse and try your best to meet their needs. N no one is prefect. Often times ppl like to say what they would never do but when put in thee situation emotions are involved its not so black and white.


And how did you do that when you cheated? Were you listening to him and meeting his needs? For instance his need to have safety in his relationship with you? His need to have honesty?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Tameka said:


> Yes I agree that he was neglecting me physically and emotionally and I know seeking someone else is not the answer. At the time I always feel like if I can supplement my needs then me and H can still get to forever. I know often times as a defense mechanism he talks mean or cocky bc he may not be happy with sexual performance as well. But also think he lazy and a selfish lover this all mad me so anger at him at times. I am now getting counseling bc I don't want to hurt anyone else like this again.


Exactly why don't you just do the honorable thing and divorce him since he sounds awful?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Decorum said:


> I dont think he will change, but there is NO reason you should accept this.


Why should he accept it? She has cheated on him 3 times. Personally I think this man has detached from his repeatedly unfaithful wife, probably as a coping mechanism.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Yikes!
> .......................................................................................................................
> I know you like quaint dinners.
> I know you like romance.
> ...


I'm not polyamorous myself, but I recognize that it's a valid way to have relationships. I've known a few polyamorous people and they're very happy with their partners.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I bet he wishes he was the broke one at 18 years old now.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You cheated, he cheated, no point keeping score. You can't affect whats in your past light cone - only whats in your future.

Do you want to stay together? If so why?

It sounds like you didn't have a great sex life together so the temptation to cheat will always be there, and you will likely cheat again. (even if you really believe that you won't).

You two can agree to stay together and fix your sex life to make it great for both. 

You two can agree to stay together but have an open marriage where each can find sex somewhere else when they want. 

You can divorce and find better matched partners.

You can stay together and pretend that you won't cheat, but in reality you probably will again, and just be back where you are now.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Tameka said:


> I have stopped the affair and must admit with my husband being so cold and mean it has increased my feelings of being lonely and unhappy again. I told myself I will remove the other party, seek IC and see how I feel after that. Its really hard bc neither want a divorce.


Rather than going to some therapist in an attempt to figure out how to IGNORE your natural biological needs and desires, why don't you just face the fact that this marriage *isn't working*? You've got a rotten husband who has done nothing but treat you like a piece of furniture and tell you that you're just an old toy that he's bored with. Hey, at least he was honest but that's the reality of your situation.

Your FIRST mistake was marrying so young. Neither one of you had much time to get out there, spread your wings, date other people, have romances, get broken hearts, and do what young people *DO*. You both totally missed an entire rite of passage into young adulthood by getting married way too early.

Well, THAT'S a big reason you're both so damned miserable now. And that's why* you* keep seeking out others. What worked 10 years ago when you were teenagers with stars in your eyes doesn't work anymore. As it happens in most marriages with people who are too young, you continue growing as you get older - and mostly, you grow apart.

You don't NEED his permission to separate or divorce if you live in the US. Secondly, why don't you use this time WISELY and get an education/career so you're not dependent on men? I'm getting the impression that you stay with this guy because he provides for you and you even mentioned at one point that your one boyfriend was broke so you went with your now husband. Stop basing every decision you make on your need for a man to support you. You'd have SO many more options if you weren't dependent on men.


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Tameka said:
> 
> 
> > I have stopped the affair and must admit with my husband being so cold and mean it has increased my feelings of being lonely and unhappy again. I told myself I will remove the other party, seek IC and see how I feel after that. Its really hard bc neither want a divorce.
> ...




I have now put myself in a position where I'm finiancially successful. But I sometimes feel like that contributed to the problem when my needs were more basic like money, food and bills I felt he was the prefect husband but now that my needs have changed I feel like everything has changed! He upgraded my ring recently by surprise and actually later ask me why didn't that keep me faithful.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok. You are a serial cheater.

You solve your biggest marital problems by cheating on your husband and pretty much blaming him.

Do you like what you are?

You are not a very nice word you know.

Would your family and children be proud?

You need to change for you!

You chose to marry who you did.

Yes, from what you said, he is far from perfect but he is hard working and loyal unless he has been cheating as well.

I suggest marital counseling and /or self help books to read together and help you repair your marriage.

You have to be willing to bust your cheating ass to save this marriage first. You need to change regardless of if your marriage is saved or not.

It will then be up to your husband to work on the marriage with you if he wants to continue.

If he commits, it will require a lot of work on his part as well.

Why don't you shape up into a woman worth fighting for and give him an attractive reason to give his all for you.

Even if it doesn't work, you will be a better person.

P.S. Your old boyfriend is a serious piece of ****! Any man that thinks sticking his rotten penis in your cheating ass is more important than the well being of your children and your self respect and dignity, not to mention the respect and honor do to your husband, is a worthless human being!

Way to go girl! 

Even if your marriage doesn't work out, you should never have anything to do with that worthless prick again!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Why should he accept it? She has cheated on him 3 times. Personally I think this man has detached from his repeatedly unfaithful wife, probably as a coping mechanism.


Coping? They both are.

No one said he should put up with it.

The facts are, he is accepting it and so is she, and it's a polarized situation. I gave her my best advice, and that's all I can do.

Regards,
D


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## Tameka (Apr 17, 2017)

uhtred said:


> You cheated, he cheated, no point keeping score. You can't affect whats in your past light cone - only whats in your future.
> 
> Do you want to stay together? If so why?
> 
> ...


 I really hope it's not hopeless! Believe it or not it's so much love their! Like my brother! From kids we planned on retiring together


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tameka said:


> Hi I have spoken to him in past about this and he swiftly dismissed that idea. He for one want even admit the hotel rooms was for him. *secondly, says I should not have ever felt rejected bc he was tired and I am needed and may possibly need to grow up.* He doesn't accept that this is a 50/50 fail. He feels after 15 years of being together we should accept each other faults and deal with them. If it was a problem it should have been addressed along time ago. But I feel we are forever evolving and despite the length of the relationship you two have to work together. I am seeking counseling bc I admit his dismissal of my needs make me so angry especially when he talks so cocky to me. It makes me want to hurt his feelings. But in the end we are both hurt.


Didn't he tell you that you were like an old toy to him? That makes it pretty clear that the issues are more than him just being tired from work.

You say that you think that you are co-dependent. To me it sounds like he just could care less about meeting your needs. You not reacting well do not having your needs met does not make you co-dependent.

I’m not sure why you want to stay in a marriage with a man who could really care less about you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You married the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. He never was enough for you. 

Looks like he will always take you back no matter what you do. He just want to keep it as hush hush as possible for the kids sake...yeah right, and I believe that Dracula drinks my blood...pffft!

You are both broken for different reasons. You want to stay with him and run around with others. He will probably continue to allow this. Neither one of your are staying for the children, you just want everyone to think your marriage is great for the sake of appearance.

Loving him like a brother is where the problem lies. You will always seek others because loving a husband like a brother is not what loving a husband should be like.

Two broken people make your marriage all right, a dysfunctional one and it will stay that way because you don't know a different way. Good luck to the kids, they are going to need it with parents like you two. One can always hope that they see your situation as something to avoid like the plague is turn out pretty darn great.


If you are not a good example, you sure make for a good warning not to go there ever!

Sorry, no words of wisdom to fix what was born broken. Ending it would be the humane thing to do, but neither you or your husband will do it.


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