# Issues with Sex and Religion



## Sean Jacobs

Hi All.

Just some quick background. I’m in my late 40’s and I’m married to my childhood sweetheart. My wife and I lived across the street from each other when we were 8 to 11 years old. We dated in high school into early college. We went our separate ways, both had failed marriages, and then ended up back together about 15 years ago. She is a wonderful person and I love her deeply. She has a daughter who I adore and we have a very close relationship (more than she has with her biological father). 

We are struggling with 2 issues; Sex and Religion.

My wife has some health issues which has caused her to completely lose interest in sexual intimacy. We have been struggling with this for a long time (roughly 10 years) and right now we are pretty much living in a sexless marriage. Neither of us is happy about this. I desperately miss the intimacy and feeling desired. She is frustrated because she feels like “less of a woman.” She has no interest in sexual contact. Intercourse is painful for her. She is “willing” to do other things but she does not enjoy it, and can’t help but make that obvious to me; which makes if not enjoyable for me. Sexually pleasuring me is a chore to her. In some ways (body language, ton, behavior, words) she conveys that she doesn’t like me outside of being parents, partners, roommates, and friends. The prospect of living without sex, sexual intimacy and no desire from my wife (or any woman) for the rest of my life is a huge issue for me.

When we got back together I had no real interest in religion (I’ve been a skeptic regarding religion, and all other supernatural claims, since I was a teenager) and she was a Christian but very low key about it. As time passed she began to have a growing interest in religion for several reasons, one of which is was she wanted our daughter to be raised a Christian. I agreed to start attending Church and put some effort into becoming a “good Christian man.” We began attending her parent’s church, which is a fundamentalist Christian church. I was never comfortable there and at one point I convinced her to try a more moderate church. It didn’t last. She wanted to go back to her parent’s church. Over time she began to get more and more involved in the church. I went on Sundays and tried to avoid all of the other activities, mostly because of the people and their beliefs with which I did not agree (example: homosexuality is a sin and practicing homosexuals are going to hell.). I tried very hard to ignore the absurd behaviors, attitudes and beliefs of the people at church. I also avoided reading the bible because I know myself well enough to know I would find issues if I read it. About 2 years ago our pastor hefted his bible over his head and said to the congregation, “If you don’t believe this book is the 100% factually and historically accurate god inspired word of god then you are not a Christian.” I cringed! Then I read the bible twice and took notes. By the end of this process I was an atheist. I continued to play along for a while, but about 4 months ago I told her that I don’t believe. Needless to say, she did not take it well. She has made it absolutely clear that this is a huge issue for her.

I suggested counselling and at first she didn’t want to go. She finally agreed but wanted a Christian counsellor. Luckily for me she couldn’t find one locally who was available, but she found a counsellor who is Jewish. At least I won’t feel like it is two against one. 

On my part, I don’t want to get divorced. I love my wife and my step-daughter. We get along fine and are very compatible in many ways. I’m worried our marriage is going to break down as my wife continues to go deeper into some (in my opinion) extreme religious beliefs (end of the world is coming soon, demons “magically/spiritually” attacking people, aids is god’s punishment for homosexuals, etc) along with my longing to be desired and have good quality sexual intimacy. (by the way, she believes I will go to hell if I don’t come back to Christianity regardless of how good of a person I am.)

Just looking for opinions & suggestions, maybe I’m just looking to vent my frustration.

Thanks all.


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## Maxwedge 413

Run.


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## uhtred

The marriage has serious incompatibilities in sex and religion. What things are working well, where are you compatible?


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## Ynot

Man I feel badly for you. My ex used to drag me to church and tell me I should donate a tenth of my income and if business was slow it was only because I wasn't faithful enough. Like you I cringed at all of it. I am and have been for a long time completely opposed to organized religion. It is a sin against God that people believe this mumbo-jumbo, hocus-pocus crap that was thought up by some other man. I felt uncomfortable trying to pretend to be something I knew was a joke when she dragged us (my daughter and I) to church to listen to some man try to tell me how my relationship with God should be (and of course how much better it would be if only I gave him more money). I couldn't do it.
I seriously don't think your marriage can survive this type of schism. From the sounds of it she has completely bought into the BS and there is nothing you can do about it. The fact that you aren't even having sex is another strike against your marriage.
It sounds like you have done all you can do. You may very well need to stop thinking about saving your marriage and start thinking of the best way to end it amiably.
Two last points - my now adult daughter (and my step son) both agree with me vis-à-vis religion. Also the one church we went to had a couple who were deacons. They were the pillars of the church. Served on committees etc, Held up as an example of what a "Godly couple" should be like. That couple ended up divorced for the very reasons you have cited - no sex, she became consumed with the fairy tale and he couldn't live a lie any longer.


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## Sean Jacobs

uhtred said:


> The marriage has serious incompatibilities in sex and religion. What things are working well, where are you compatible?


We generally get along well. We work well together. We parent my step daughter well (but she is going off to college soon). We generally enjoy each other's company as friends. 

Our hobbies don't line up much any more. I'm very involved in health/fitness; she used to be but her health issues make it more difficult for her. I have found that I really enjoy Karaoke and I am pretty good at it, plus I get some positive attention from people which is nice. She is not a fan of Karaoke, or of me doing Karaoke. I'm looking to get into some MMA training, I haven't told her yet..not sure how she would feel about that. Most of her hobbies revolve around church stuff (volunteering for stuff, 2 bible studies per week). We do do some light hiking together weather permitting.


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## uhtred

So you have to think if "getting along well" is enough. Can you live without real love and passion or are you setting yourself up to cheat when you run into a woman who is excited by and attracted to you? Have you experienced that, and were you able to resist?


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## Sean Jacobs

Ynot said:


> Man I feel badly for you. My ex used to drag me to church and tell me I should donate a tenth of my income and if business was slow it was only because I wasn't faithful enough. Like you I cringed at all of it. I am and have been for a long time completely opposed to organized religion. It is a sin against God that people believe this mumbo-jumbo, hocus-pocus crap that was thought up by some other man. I felt uncomfortable trying to pretend to be something I knew was a joke when she dragged us (my daughter and I) to church to listen to some man try to tell me how my relationship with God should be (and of course how much better it would be if only I gave him more money). I couldn't do it.
> I seriously don't think your marriage can survive this type of schism. From the sounds of it she has completely bought into the BS and there is nothing you can do about it. The fact that you aren't even having sex is another strike against your marriage.
> It sounds like you have done all you can do. You may very well need to stop thinking about saving your marriage and start thinking of the best way to end it amiably.
> Two last points - my now adult daughter (and my step son) both agree with me vis-à-vis religion. Also the one church we went to had a couple who were deacons. They were the pillars of the church. Served on committees etc, Held up as an example of what a "Godly couple" should be like. That couple ended up divorced for the very reasons you have cited - no sex, she became consumed with the fairy tale and he couldn't live a lie any longer.


She has bought into it completely. She tried to argue with me the other night about how she is right and I am wrong, but could provide nothing to show she is right (it was a very long conversation that kept us awake until after 2 am. Ultimately it didn't accomplish anything.) I really don't want a divorce. I really do love her. This entire situation just breaks my heart.


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## Maxwedge 413

What is the nature of her health issues? She can hike but not be intimate - Cancer? Hysterectomy? Is there a demon in her coochie?


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## Sean Jacobs

uhtred said:


> So you have to think if "getting along well" is enough. Can you live without real love and passion or are you setting yourself up to cheat when you run into a woman who is excited by and attracted to you? Have you experienced that, and were you able to resist?


Great point. I don't know if I can live the rest of my life without sexual passion. I take very good care of myself physically. I am in fantastic shape for my age, no medical conditions, take no prescriptions (my Dr. loves me) and have a great sex drive. I worry I am setting myself up. So far I have not put myself in a position to notice women who may be attracted to me. I don't drink, I don't flirt. But I am dying for some genuine sexual attention.


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## Ynot

Sean Jacobs said:


> She has bought into it completely. She tried to argue with me the other night about how she is right and I am wrong, but could provide nothing to show she is right (it was a very long conversation that kept us awake until after 2 am. Ultimately it didn't accomplish anything.) I really don't want a divorce. I really do love her. This entire situation just breaks my heart.


Hey man I get it. It is a tough situation but you have to ask yourself what is best for you? To live a lie and be miserable or to live your life and (eventually) be happy?


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## Sean Jacobs

Maxwedge 413 said:


> What is the nature of her health issues? She can hike but not be intimate - Cancer? Hysterectomy? Is there a demon in her coochie?


Hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue, general ongoing exhaustion. She is post menopause. Her hormone are way out of wack.


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## Sean Jacobs

Ynot said:


> Hey man I get it. It is a tough situation but you have to ask yourself what is best for you? To live a lie and be miserable or to live your life and (eventually) be happy?


You have a good point. At the moment I'm still don't know. I do find happiness in my life. One great thing about being an atheist is I always find the joy in my life instead of looking toward a magical after life. It is just sad that some of the greatest joy is missing.


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## Steve1000

Sean Jacobs said:


> She has bought into it completely. She tried to argue with me the other night about how she is right and I am wrong, but could provide nothing to show she is right (it was a very long conversation that kept us awake until after 2 am. Ultimately it didn't accomplish anything.) I really don't want a divorce. I really do love her. This entire situation just breaks my heart.


I came from a religiously fundamentalist conservative family. I live far enough away from them so I never needed to tell them that I no longer believe as they do. If they did know, I would likely not be welcomed anymore and my parents would believe for the rest of their lives that I will forever be tortured after I die. 

With that in mind, I don't think that you and your wife will be able to truly get past this. When we add the fact that your relationship also is devoid of sexual intimacy, I think that you'll eventually regret the lost time if you stay too long.


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## Ynot

Sean Jacobs said:


> Great point. I don't know if I can live the rest of my life without sexual passion. I take very good care of myself physically. I am in fantastic shape for my age, no medical conditions, take no prescriptions (my Dr. loves me) and have a great sex drive. I worry I am setting myself up. So far I have not put myself in a position to notice women who may be attracted to me. I don't drink, I don't flirt. But I am dying for some genuine sexual attention.


I wouldn't end a marriage over lust. But, living without passion and sex is something that will eat away at your very essence and lead to resentment and anger. Rather than end up there, I am just suggesting you think about ending it while you still love each other. It might be for the best and far better than ending it because you hate each other.

It really is something I could change if I could go back and do it over. I didn't recognize all of the incompatibilities we had and ours were not even as deep as yours. I wish we had ended it years earlier while we were still friends and might have been able to remain so. Instead it just festered until one day it erupted. I haven't spoken to her in almost four years. It breaks my heart, there is such a void.


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## Sean Jacobs

Steve1000 said:


> I came from a religiously fundamentalist conservative family. I live far enough away from them so I never needed to tell them that I no longer believe as they do. If they did know, I would likely not be welcomed anymore and my parents would believe for the rest of their lives that I will forever be tortured after I die.
> 
> With that in mind, I don't think that you and your wife will be able to truly get past this. When we add the fact that your relationship also is devoid of sexual intimacy, I think that you'll eventually regret the lost time if you stay too long.


I am very afraid that you may be right. I just wish things could go back to when she was a believer, but not as over the top as she is today. The funny thing is she was actually happier then.


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## Sean Jacobs

Ynot said:


> I wouldn't end a marriage over lust. But, living without passion and sex is something that will eat away at your very essence and lead to resentment and anger. Rather than end up there, I am just suggesting you think about ending it while you still love each other. It might be for the best and far better than ending it because you hate each other.


It has already lead to resentment and my admission to not believing has lead to resentment and anger for her.

We will go to the counselor and see if there is anything we can do to save the marriage. But I can't see her getting past her unreasonably beliefs and me getting past no intimacy.


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## WorkingOnMe

Isn’t she also going to hell for failure to follow Gods teaching on sex with her husband? Isn’t she being disobedient to God buy refusing to follow you as the spiritual leader of your family? How does she reconcile being divorced and remarried?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## sokillme

You could always make an executive decision as the leader of the household and hold her to it because it's biblical. Tell her you think it is hurting your marriage and causing your to doubt you faith. 

Try going to an Assemblies of God Church, they are non denominational but very involved with helping the poor and stuff. Lot less fire and brimestone. Assuming you are a Christian then she has a biblical duty to follow your lead. Hell I would start going to a Church that you pick and just see if she follows you.

I think you are right by the way, I think evangelicals are pretty much the worst examples of Christians a lot of times. I would never go to a church like that again, having grown up around them. Lots of them are fakes, and when you think about Christianity as shallowly as they do easy to trick them. It's words that mean the most to them, not deeds many times. Matthew 6:5-6 always felt spot on.


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## Ynot

Sean Jacobs said:


> It has already lead to resentment and my admission to not believing has lead to resentment and anger for her.
> 
> We will go to the counselor and see if there is anything we can do to save the marriage. But I can't see her getting past her unreasonably beliefs and me getting past no intimacy.


It sounds like you are doing all you can. If it ends you will be able to leave with your head high. You tried.


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## Sean Jacobs

WorkingOnMe said:


> Isn’t she also going to hell for failure to follow Gods teaching on sex with her husband? Isn’t she being disobedient to God buy refusing to follow you as the spiritual leader of your family? How does she reconcile being divorced and remarried?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hopefully I'm not going to offend any religious people with my comment: In my personal experience most Christians pick and choose which "rules" in the bible they will and won't follow. My wife is no exception.


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## Sean Jacobs

sokillme said:


> You could always make an executive decision as the leader of the household and hold her to it because it's biblical. Tell her you think it is hurting your marriage and causing your to doubt you faith.
> 
> Try going to an Assemblies of God Church, they are non denominational but very involved with helping the poor and stuff. Lot less fire and brimestone. Assuming you are a Christian then she has a biblical duty to follow your lead. Hell I would start going to a Church that you pick and just see if she follows you.
> 
> I think you are right by the way, I think evangelicals are pretty much the worst examples of Christians a lot of times. I would never go to a church like that again, having grown up around them. Lots of them are fakes, and when you think about Christianity as shallowly as they do easy to trick them. It's words that mean the most to them, not deeds many times. Matthew 6:5-6 always felt spot on.


At this point, I am an atheist. I'm certainly not claiming there is absolutely no god(s); I just see no demonstrable evidence that a god(s) exist so I don't accept the claim that a god(s) do exist. So, me going to church is just a lie to make my wife happy. Besides, she is in very deep with the people at her current church and wouldn't go somewhere else.


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## Sean Jacobs

Ynot said:


> It sounds like you are doing all you can. If it ends you will be able to leave with your head high. You tried.


Thank you Ynot.


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## sokillme

Sean Jacobs said:


> At this point, I am an atheist. I'm certainly not claiming there is absolutely no god(s); I just see no demonstrable evidence that a god(s) exist so I don't accept the claim that a god(s) do exist. So, me going to church is just a lie to make my wife happy. Besides, she is in very deep with the people at her current church and wouldn't go somewhere else.


Did you stop going to Church? If she is following the bible then she won't want to divorce you as it's not biblical even if you are an atheist. 

By the way going to Church looking to find proof of God really doesn't make sense. If Christianity requires faith why would God provide proof. Seems that would remove the whole mechanism for salvation. I am a Christian and I believe there is never going to be any definitive proof of God on this earth, it's built to be that way. The Christians who tell you they have proof are misguided. I don't know there is a God, I believe there is one. Believing is and act. Just saying. 

You may find something out of it in a different Church. Not all Christians are fire and brimstone.


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## uhtred

Its very likely will run into someone who is attracted to you. Run the scenario in you mind. Some woman you know and like - maybe coworker. You get along great together - in a platonic way. Then there is a workshop or conference or something. Just a friendly dinner. At some point you realize that unlike your wife she is really physically sexually attracted to you. Wouldn't your minimal sex life at home provide a perfect excuse?

I'm asking because the world will throw this at you at some point and it may get pretty far before you realize what is going on. Would you say no?

Don't need to comment here, but just imagine it for yourself. 




Sean Jacobs said:


> Great point. I don't know if I can live the rest of my life without sexual passion. I take very good care of myself physically. I am in fantastic shape for my age, no medical conditions, take no prescriptions (my Dr. loves me) and have a great sex drive. I worry I am setting myself up. So far I have not put myself in a position to notice women who may be attracted to me. I don't drink, I don't flirt. But I am dying for some genuine sexual attention.


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## Sean Jacobs

sokillme said:


> Did you stop going to Church? If she is following the bible then she won't want to divorce you as it's not biblical even if you are an atheist.
> 
> By the way going to Church looking to find proof of God really doesn't make sense. If Christianity requires faith why would God provide proof. Seems that would remove the whole mechanism for salvation. I am a Christian and I believe there is never going to be any definitive proof of God on this earth, it's built to be that way. The Christians who tell you they have proof are misguided. I don't know there is a God, I believe there is one. Believing is and act. Just saying.
> 
> You may find something out of it in a different Church. Not all Christians are fire and brimstone.


I have stopped going to church, she has not. I agree that she most likely won't divorce me, because she is a fundamentalist Christian. 

I agree that going to church to find proof of god doesn't make sense. I am also an apistevist (a person who does not use faith to know things; especially in the religious sense). I agree that there will most likely never be any demonstrable evidence for the existence of god(s). One thing I can say is that believing is not a choice. 
Either you are convinced of something or your aren't. You can't force yourself to believe in anything. I'm fairly sure that most Christians will never be able to believe in the Hindu gods.


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## Sean Jacobs

uhtred said:


> Its very likely will run into someone who is attracted to you. Run the scenario in you mind. Some woman you know and like - maybe coworker. You get along great together - in a platonic way. Then there is a workshop or conference or something. Just a friendly dinner. At some point you realize that unlike your wife she is really physically sexually attracted to you. Wouldn't your minimal sex life at home provide a perfect excuse?
> 
> I'm asking because the world will throw this at you at some point and it may get pretty far before you realize what is going on. Would you say no?
> 
> Don't need to comment here, but just imagine it for yourself.


I agree. I have imagined this scenario. I do long to feel desired. This worries me a lot and will definitely be the subject of conversation in counselling. But, the religion part will come first. As this one is top priority for my wife.


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## Personal

Sometimes it's better to cut your losses.


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## Primrose

Sean Jacobs said:


> We generally get along well. We work well together. We parent my step daughter well (but she is going off to college soon). We generally enjoy each other's company as friends.


In other words, you get on well enough as roommates and co-parents. This would not be enough for me. 

What is her response when you tell her she is disobeying God's word by not having intimate relations with her husband? If sex is off the table (and I have failed to find any justifiable reason for this in your posts), she should be going out of her way to satisfy you in other ways. My preacher always taught on the importance of a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between spouses.


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## Sean Jacobs

Primrose said:


> In other words, you get on well enough as roommates and co-parents. This would not be enough for me.
> 
> What is her response when you tell her she is disobeying God's word by not having intimate relations with her husband? If sex is off the table (and I have failed to find any justifiable reason for this in your posts), she should be going out of her way to satisfy you in other ways. My preacher always taught on the importance of a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between spouses.


I am struggling to figure out if I can live like this for the rest of my life.

The issue is she is "willing" to do some sexual things (which is her Christian duty), but with no enthusiasm, passion or desire & only in the time/place that she feels is "normal". It is like I asked her to mob the floor, she will do it but it is a chore. She uses this as an excuse "I will do it, but I don't enjoy it." According to her she has absolutely no libido and intercourse is painful. Also, sex can only be initiate at the "normal" time/place which is in the bedroom at bed time. I have tried to initiate in the morning, in the afternoon, in the early evening only to get denied or some excuse about not wanting to have to take a shower afterward. It is the absolute last thing on her list, when she is the most exhausted. Honestly, it isn't worth the effort at that point especially when it is just one more chore before she can go to sleep.

She doesn't even want to kiss anymore other than a quick peck like I would give my grandmother. For example about 6 months ago I initiate some intimacy (at the "normal" time in the "normal" place). We began kissing with passion (like we always have since we were teenagers). After a few second she pulls away and stops me. She says, "Ok! When you are kissing you move your lips too much!". I am silent and dumbfounded for a few seconds, then I reply "That's it! I'm done!" She then responds with "What!?! What's the matter?" I then explained how criticizing me for how I kiss is a massive turnoff and initiating intimacy with her isn't worth the effort any more. 

Sorry for the vent. I still have some hope for counseling. I'm really hoping if she hears it from a professional maybe it will sink in.


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## Ynot

Sean Jacobs said:


> I am struggling to figure out if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
> 
> ...
> 
> Sorry for the vent. I still have some hope for counseling. I'm really hoping if she hears it from a professional maybe it will sink in.


Venting is what this place is for. Vent away!

Good luck!


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## uhtred

The first is the important question. Imagine that this never changes - can you live like this?

Those of us who are in HD/LD relationships get used to occasional improvements that only make the following declines seem even worse. 

I don't recommend it or someday you will end up a cranky old man like I am. 




Sean Jacobs said:


> I am struggling to figure out if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
> 
> The issue is she is "willing" to do some sexual things (which is her Christian duty), but with no enthusiasm, passion or desire & only in the time/place that she feels is "normal". It is like I asked her to mob the floor, she will do it but it is a chore. She uses this as an excuse "I will do it, but I don't enjoy it." According to her she has absolutely no libido and intercourse is painful. Also, sex can only be initiate at the "normal" time/place which is in the bedroom at bed time. I have tried to initiate in the morning, in the afternoon, in the early evening only to get denied or some excuse about not wanting to have to take a shower afterward. It is the absolute last thing on her list, when she is the most exhausted. Honestly, it isn't worth the effort at that point especially when it is just one more chore before she can go to sleep.
> 
> She doesn't even want to kiss anymore other than a quick peck like I would give my grandmother. For example about 6 months ago I initiate some intimacy (at the "normal" time in the "normal" place). We began kissing with passion (like we always have since we were teenagers). After a few second she pulls away and stops me. She says, "Ok! When you are kissing you move your lips too much!". I am silent and dumbfounded for a few seconds, then I reply "That's it! I'm done!" She then responds with "What!?! What's the matter?" I then explained how criticizing me for how I kiss is a massive turnoff and initiating intimacy with her isn't worth the effort any more.
> 
> Sorry for the vent. I still have some hope for counseling. I'm really hoping if she hears it from a professional maybe it will sink in.


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## Sean Jacobs

uhtred said:


> The first is the important question. Imagine that this never changes - can you live like this?
> 
> Those of us who are in HD/LD relationships get used to occasional improvements that only make the following declines seem even worse.
> 
> I don't recommend it or someday you will end up a cranky old man like I am.


I don't think I can live like this if things don't change. Life is too short. At the moment I still has a little hope that it can change with counselling.


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## uhtred

I'd suggest then that you set an absolute cutoff time - either the situation is fixed or you leave. Don't tell her to put unreasonable pressure on. Make it a comfortably long time to give her every chance to change, but in the end at some point you need to be willing to say - we are not compatible, its over. 

Without a deadline you may find yourself constantly strung along, hanging on every improvement, then being disappointed. 




Sean Jacobs said:


> I don't think I can live like this if things don't change. Life is too short. At the moment I still has a little hope that it can change with counselling.


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## twoofus

Start quoting from the Quran and declare it to be the only true religion. Extol the virtues of Wahhabism as practised in Saudi Arabia. That'll make your wife's fundamentalist church look like they are mocking their God.


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## Maxwedge 413

She is a fundamentally damaged or weak individual Sean. Get out. Were the terrorists wrong to crash the planes? Yep. Were the crusading Christians wrong to kill, torture, rape and enslave the Muslims? Yep. Is she wrong to crash your marriage? Yep. Did they ALL do it for God? Yep.


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## Spicy

You are midlife, and having a crisis. You are in a sexless marriage. Your wife is ill. You are about to become empty nesters. 

Sometimes, when we are unhappy with our spouses, we find something that they have no flexibility on (in her case, belief in a god) to take a stand against, to provide ourselves a way out of a marriage...and feel less guilty about it.


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## Sean Jacobs

uhtred said:


> I'd suggest then that you set an absolute cutoff time - either the situation is fixed or you leave. Don't tell her to put unreasonable pressure on. Make it a comfortably long time to give her every chance to change, but in the end at some point you need to be willing to say - we are not compatible, its over.
> 
> Without a deadline you may find yourself constantly strung along, hanging on every improvement, then being disappointed.


Excellent idea. I do have another extenuating circumstance that causes issue. My elderly mother lives with us in an in-law apartment. Selling the house would be a huge issue.


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## Sean Jacobs

Maxwedge 413 said:


> She is a fundamentally damaged or weak individual Sean. Get out. Were the terrorists wrong to crash the planes? Yep. Were the crusading Christians wrong to kill, torture, rape and enslave the Muslims? Yep. Is she wrong to crash your marriage? Yep. Did they ALL do it for God? Yep.


She did come from an abusive household (no sexual abuse). Yes, faith (absolute believe without actual evidence) can drive people to believe some extreme things which can lead them to do extreme things. I completely agree.


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## Sean Jacobs

Spicy said:


> You are midlife, and having a crisis. You are in a sexless marriage. Your wife is ill. You are about to become empty nesters.
> 
> Sometimes, when we are unhappy with our spouses, we find something that they have no flexibility on (in her case, belief in a god) to take a stand against, to provide ourselves a way out of a marriage...and feel less guilty about it.


Good point. I know she doesn't want to have our marriage to fall apart, however she also wants to have everything exactly how SHE wants it.


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## twoofus

Since you are in a desperate situation here's a mad idea:
Are you good at acting? Fake an epiphany, say that this entity they worship has called on you to lead. Convince the church and your wife to follow the agenda from the god which also happens to coincide with your personal agenda. See Charlton Heston in "Ben Hur" for acting inspiration, your "self belief" needs to appear unshakable.


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## arbitrator

*She will never find a man who will satisfy her! She wants her cake and to eat it too!

My advice would be to run as far away from her that you possibly can!*


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## wellseasoned

John 14:6 says that:
"Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

The Philippian jailer asked Paul and Silas, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” (Acts 16:30). Paul and Silas responded, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31).

This is the good news of the Gospel!


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## FrazzledSadHusband

Ask her what her thought are on this verse - 
1 Corinthians 7 New International Version (NIV)
Concerning Married Life

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The *husband should fulfill* his marital duty to his wife, and *likewise the wife *to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

And also this blog - https://forgivenwife.com/sexless-marriage-loveless-marriage/

Let us know what her response is.

I high lighted parts to show that it goes both ways - husbands and wives are to take care of each other's needs. If you were a woman married to a christian man, I'd post the same thing.


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## Tony Conrad

That's what I was going to say as well. She needs to try harder in sex to fulfil her own scriptures.

The other one was 1 Peter 3:1 Wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives.

This means that she wins you by her life not by preaching - without a word. If you don't believe she is not allowed to quote the bible to you.


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## thatdog

Hormones? There's a treatment for that.

Adrenal fatigue? That sounds like bull****.

Hypothyroid? She's fat and doesn't want to exercise and diet.

Look man, I don't post much here, but you've got yourself a loony, selfish, abusive liar on your hands.

Get out, man! Tell her God told you to do it.


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## Tron

Would you like to ever have your own child?


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