# so, when can you move out???



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

So thru all this excitement of a divorce, and this week finally finding out what the court date was, 8/30, last night my stbxw says, "so, we need to talk about living arrangements,,,, when can you move out??,,, have you even looked???""
And I said "no".
The finance company needs a copy of the signed decree. 
Only then will they be able to approve financing (for community property reasons actually)
So then it will be around September I am sure.
"do you HAVE to get a house, why cant you just get an apartment??"

you see, my stbxw is so ready to have me out of there. Under the "oh so honorable" excuse of wanting our D to be able to get used to the idea and not have any problems when school starts again.
So nice of you to think of her needs like that. Cheating *****!
Did you worry about her needs when you were meeting loverboy for lunch behind our backs?
Did you worry about her needs when you were texting him how much you loved him and asking if he was really serious about thinking you were his soulmate???

But NOW her thoughts are for the best interest of our child.
Puh-leeeze...

Lately its been getting very weird. Evidently this OM has tossed her to the curb, and yet they keep in touch, so much so that she is planning on setting up one of her girlfriends with him, becuase he expressed an interest... TEEE--Heeee!!!!!

But I saw an exchange on one of her recently clung-to friends who are going thru a divorce thusly is an ex-bashing woman looking to combine "girl powers" with my wife.
They had started talking on FB about poking, which led to rubbing each other. Maybe you are rubbing off on me... Maybe you are rubbing me, maybe we are rubbing each other!!

I was like, whoa! My wife is now swinging both ways! hmmm....
girl power!

This would explain a WHOLE lot in our life of 16 years together if it were the case. It appears however to be a recent development.

She is losing her mind.
It is not a fun thing to watch happen.
Especially in regards to what its going to do to our kid.

So in retrospect, how soon can I get out??


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## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

You need to talk with a lawyer. Depending on your state's laws, there's a lot of complexity regarding Parental Rights that weigh heavily towards the person who stays in the Marital Home.

You need a signed agreement that outlines division of property, parenting rights and responsibilities, child support (if any) etc.

Once you have that, you should be able to proceed.

In my case, we signed one in April and worked through the process where he financed me out of the house and I bought my new house at the end of May.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Are you wanting to move out of the house? It seems like your stbx is pushing you out. Is it possible or an option for her to find a place instead? Maybe your stbx and her new “girl-power” friend can look into being roommates. 

I realize a lot of that also depends on who your daughter will be spending the majority of her time with. The parent whom she will stay the greater amount of time with, should reside in the home. It will help provide stability in your daughters life while many other things are about to change.


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## SixMonthsInHell (Jun 27, 2011)

Shoo: I understand you situation. My stbxw, in her fog, her perfect determination to divorce, so that she will be happy in her new life....is furious at me because I won't leave the beautiful house I paid for.....my issue now is whether i agree to be bought out or force the damn pile of bricks to be sold.

Here is perfect irony: in her fog, she says the kids S11 and S13 will adjust to dad being gone, but if i say that they will also adjust to new houses, she says i am a bad parent. Therefore, the house has to be more important than the father.

And i have been trying and trying, the 180, the begging, everything, but she is just more and more determined.

And she is making consistent efforts to alienate me from my kids. One year ago i would not have believed this could possibly occur.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

shoo: What a terrible and difficult situation you are in. Wasn't it bad enough OM but now OW? 

Sounds like she is losing it, she can join my stbxh and figure out where they dropped their brains.

My divorce date is 7/19 but I am stuck in this house because we can't re-fi and stbx won't buy me out. Plus I am looking for a job in a town that is a retirement community. I need to move but I have no money.

It's just too many things at once. It's like being at a never ending banquet at the worst restaurant. The crap doesn't stop.

I don't know how big your shoulders are but mine are beginning to droop.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sparkles422 said:


> shoo: What a terrible and difficult situation you are in. Wasn't it bad enough OM but now OW?
> 
> Sounds like she is losing it, she can join my stbxh and figure out where they dropped their brains.
> 
> ...


Ahhahahaha sparkles, your divorce date is my wedding anniversary date! Wow, I should have pushed for that day for mine. No really, this is sad, I am pigeonholed into an in-house separation. We are trying desparately to sell the house. We were going to sell off stocks to pay down debt so I can get out but now with a company split in the near future, our stocks are probably going to go way up in October, so yeah, It'll be at least October before I can get back to some sort of life. I am in Limbo, wanting to go out on dates (just dates, nothing serious) on weekends so I can get back at least a tiny little wee measure of self esteem and I can't do jack until near the end of the year. I fell like time is just passing me by when I am ready to move on. Stuck, stuck as can be in my house.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighterlight:
I know I am in a stuck mode and I am going nuts. I am an action person but I have no answers for my situation. People keep telling me that there is a reason that I have to sit in this limbo, a learning and feeling reason. This is very hard, first the pain and now you can't get out. OW WEE. 

shoo: Isn't the selfishness appalling? The blindness? Hang in there, see an attorney and know your rights and stick to your guns. She is behaving in a very limited capacity. Think of her actions and aren't we happy that that is not us? That would be awful.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sparkles, yes it's very hard to be stuck in a situation where all you can do is be patient and wait. And here's something else that happens - you are constantly seeing each other and it is very painful. Today, we had an open house and stbxw and I went out together to look for places for each of us to live; isn't that crazy! So we really had a great day together. Later in the evening she tells me in the car that her heart was heavy, she was sad, started crying. In this crazy life of mine I am torn! She still loves me, I know it, but we can be toxic together. I mean, what on Gods earth do I do? We have gone so far down this divorce path with our families and friends that there seems to be no stopping this train! Is getting out fast the best option, I don't know. I still love her but can I just forget about all the pain. I will pray on this tonight; I don't want to tell her that it's ok if we stick it out and then get back to the same rut. I really did enjoy spending time with her today. She even mentioned that one of the houses we saw she thought to herself that is where she would have dreamed her and I would have been if things were different. What crazinies! WTF!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighter:
It seems that both sides have feelings. What that means is anybody guess. If you can honestly talk about it perhaps that will go somewhere where you both want it to go.

Unfortunately for me, I am with someone that can not even be honest with themself or me. All I get is I am confused, I don't know.

We told everyone, big deal. It is your life who cares that you may get back together. Don't let that stop you, I wouldn't. You can tell them the good news then.

Good Luck.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

you guys are great. 
I think Sparkles stbx and my stbx are cut from the same bad loaf of bread.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Shoo, how are you doing now. 
Are you still battling it out with her in the house? 
While it does suck she is assuming you are moving out (and not the other way around) it might help you in the long run to get a new place without the pain of the past inside and memories to deal with.

I don't know, just trying to look at the bright side of things.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Caughtdreaming, I am hanging in there...
I am totally battling it out in the house right now. Its however turned into an observation/reaction battle.
This morning she was slamming dishes around in the kitchen, you know passive agressive tantrum stuff, and I was trying to figure out what was wrong. My whole 45 minute drive to work was me attempting to think that I knew what was wrong, and thinking to myself and yelling into my voice recorder. (my form of a journal)
About a block from work I finally realized that I didnt know really what her problem was, and then, you know how wonderful it is going to be not to have to concern myself with it some day? 
(Just in case you wondered, I do dishes too, so it wasnt from lack of helping around the house, lol)
But I at least got to the point of allowing myself NOT to take it upon myself, its not my burden, its not my load to carry. 

throughout our marriage she piled brick upon brick in her own wheelbarrow, and I found myself always rushing to her side to grab a handle and help with it. Not this time. Shes a big girl now.

I am the one moving out. I cannot afford the house on my salary alone, and since her mom had been evicted from her apt back in jan, I offered her to come live with us, (again!) 
It makes it difficult being in the house with stbxw and her MOM living with us. But her mom is going to help with some of the bills, and still works, so its easier for me to just move out. Plus, I wouldnt want to live in that house for all of the memories there.
Im the type that needs the whole "new scenery" kind of do-over.
so indeed, it is a bright side of things. 

I constantly revert back as a means with which to control my own rollercoaster ride, to the thought of waking up on a saturday morning, and saying to myself, now, what do I want to do today?
no dishes slamming around, no constant sense of urgency over everything, only to be left out of the best things....

I will get physical custody of our D9 every other week, which includes a weekend, so I can look forward to a relaxed atmosphere with her involved as well.

Steadily throughout this whole discovery of her affair, shes run the entire gambit of defense mechanisms towards me and the guilt she truly does feel. But just never was able to have enough humility as a human being to realize or say, hey, i made a mistake, Im sorry.
So it enlightened me as to who she really was after our 16 yrs together. Or perhaps who she had become.
I didnt have to build a wall between us, she laid those bricks and mortar all herself..


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Shooboomafoo said:


> ...Steadily throughout this whole discovery of her affair, shes run the entire gambit of defense mechanisms towards me and the guilt she truly does feel. But just never was able to have enough humility as a human being to realize or say, hey, i made a mistake, Im sorry.
> So it enlightened me as to who she really was after our 16 yrs together. Or perhaps who she had become.
> I didnt have to build a wall between us, she laid those bricks and mortar all herself..


Ahhh, the old, "it's ALL your fault I had the affair because I was not getting enough affection and attention from you and I felt unloved" deal huh?

LMAO!!! Yeah, mine was the same; she broke a few plates here and there. Makes me kinda wonder what a sweet deal it would have been for me to have had some, uhhummm, OW benefits on the side, and then be able to lay guilt and blame on the W for it. Why didn't I think of that? Duh! You see, she is slamming dishes because she is now having to carry the burden of her actions. Like you said, she laid those bricks and morter; betcha she won't do that with the next relationship, too bad you had to be the guinea pig. Well, I wish the best for you shoo.


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