# Recently discovered her sexting



## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

We've been married 5 years, rocky at times. We both withdraw from one another during troubled times and it's hard to come back. We have two three year old boys. 
On a nosy whim, I picked up her phone one morning and looked around a bit. I saw a few texts that looked a little too friendly with another guy. Only a few. I immediately figured the rest had been deleted. I was right. Checked phone records and she had been texting him a couple weeks, almost 100/day a couple times. 
I confronted her. She claimed it was just a parent of one of her students. I went on to point out it was completely inappropriate no matter what they were talking about. She agreed. I went on to question her if there was anything else. She said no. I told her I would find out if there were because of the phone records. She started sobbing. 
There had been another a couple months before. He was in another state. They knew each other when he lived here. It had gone form casual private messages on facebook to pics/vids almost every night in a couple months, not to mention the things they said to each other. 
She originally confessed to heavy flirting with him, until I discovered the pic/vid section of the phone bill. Then she confessed to more. I've caught her in 5-10 lies about the extent of the affair since then. 
It had ended a couple months before very suddenly. She wasn't the one to end it. She kept texting him after, looking for a response. Finally, I found out she had still been emailing him after we had been to counseling trying to work it out between us. That was pretty devastating, even if it was pg. 
I want to work it out. I'm trying to work it out. She has made solid efforts. But I can seem to get over it. 
It's all I think about. It ruins my every day. The counselor has given me forgiveness exercises to help. It's been 4 days and they're still excruciating to get through. 
The advice I'm looking for is whether this will get better. It's been over a month and it keeps getting worse. Will I ever get over this? Or am I only staying because I fear the depression/loss that will surely set in should I end it. 
Feeling consumed.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Unfortunately I would say there is a 99.99% chance that she is deep into a full blown physical affair (PA) with this other man (OM).

You probably should follow the advice of Weightlifter and get a voice activated recorder for her car. You can either spend some time to verify the depth of the PA, or blow it out of the water now.

If you decide to blow it up, the next calls you make are to the piece of sh!t OM's wife, and your attorney.

It is awful to go through this stuff. A hard line is the only chance you have of ending it. Expose it to her family, your family, and those involved.

God bless you. Hope you are surviving. So glad you found TAM.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

The Healing Heart: The 180

Here is a link to help you begin to withdraw emotionally. You must end the connection, and cut her off in order to get her out of the affair fog.

Do not go too easy. This is designed to help YOU cope.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

She has been having little EAs on the side.

Should you leave? Only you can decide!

Has she done anything else apart from lie to you and trickle truth(TT) you?

The one thing you need to do is to find out if there has been more than just a bit of texting and pic/video sharing! Basically has she gone full blown physical(PA) with these guys?

Is this a deal breaker for you? 

It does get better but it takes years not just days.

The TT is a bad sign as she is on damage limitation mode and wants to keep a) her secrets and b) you from knowing just how bad it got, it is not about protecting your feelings at this stage as she is still in shock from getting caught.

Know where you are right now, been there myself, but you can choose to do nothing and let her push to rug sweep it out of sight and out of mind which she will want to, or face up to the fact that she cheated and go down the road with the fork in it's path that say "stay" and "leave".

If you need/want to gather more evidence for a potential divorce(D) then drop this like a hot stone and go James Bond spy on her and get sufficient evidence for D. Weight lifter should be along to give you the goods on how to get more intel! Follow it, he knows his stuff, seriously!

Or you can follow the path and blow this up, first step is full ewposure to "ALL" friends and families, but first the other man (OM) be sure to make it known to his wife/GF that he has been looking for snatch too! Then comes the whole torment of making sure that you have full transparency from her, phones, email, social networking and be sure to express this in the start of the discussion that you get what you want or you're walking and mean it too, you have to be willing to loose your marriage to stand any chance of saving it.

Would she do a polygraph? If she gets pizzy when you ask get it booked and surprise her with a trip, you'll get a parking lot confession and then still go through with it to verify.

If you reconcile(R) then trust but verify hat she says at all times, cheaters get sneaky and will happily string you along as long as they get to play fairy tale romance, no verification or shaky answers assume the worst!

If you need space, take it, toxic situations are exactly that and it can and will drive you insane after a whil!

Good luck.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> It had ended....


Not in her mind. She is still pursing it. It won't end until she hits bottom.




troubled 62234 said:


> I want to work it out....


If she knows this, she will continue to use you for security while she purses the POSOM.



troubled 62234 said:


> The advice I'm looking for is whether this will get better. It's been over a month and it keeps getting worse. Will I ever get over this? Or am I only staying because I fear the depression/loss that will surely set in should I end it....


You need to end your marriage. File for a D. This will allow her to understand your boundaries. This will allow you the space to heal. She is not doing her part. She will not do her part until she becomes aware of her consequences. Over time you can decide what is in your best interest. Right now your best interest is a swift decision to end it. Read some of the countless threads of others who have waffled for months. I did that too. 

Being firm is the only way to have a chance to pull it back together.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

What I would do? Find out the truth!!! Pull out the deleted texts from her phone. Especially the ones from the local OM. Very likely this one was physical. That would be my dealbreaker!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Time for a new counselor too. A counselor that is focused on YOU forgiving her is out of line.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Tobyboy said:


> What I would do? Find out the truth!!! Pull out the deleted texts from her phone. Especially the ones from the local OM. Very likely this one was physical. That would be my dealbreaker!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you pull out the deleted texts? It's an iphone and I've tried restoring it to several points and gotten nothing. My understanding was once deleted, they're gone.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Smarter guys than me will be here soon to tell how to do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

There are two aspects here: one is a broken marriage (which you have been trying to work on) and the other is a broken wife (which you cannot work on). There is no point in attempting to fix your marriage while your wife is broken.

She has been cheating on you with so far, 2 OM - quite possibly more. She cannot stop this until she (as others have said) feels the very real consequences of her behaviour, hits rock bottom, owns what she did, comes clean (no trickle truthing, complete transparency) and is truly remorseful (in actions not words). There is a high possibility that one or more of these affairs has been full blown PA and this may well be a deal breaker for you so that no attempt at reconciliation is necessary.

You need to now go into stealth mode to discover the truth - VARs, key loggers, stealth apps on her phone etc. Weightlifter is the expert on this (with an impressive string of successes in this area) and will be along to tell you how and what to do.

Once you uncover enough, then confront. Blow up the other man (men), expose to wives, family, work etc. Take the affair out of the darkness where it thrives and bring it out into the light where it will be under constant scrutiny. File for divorce - see an attorney, protect your finances and custody to your boys - you need to go dark on her and give her no warning. You need to be able to lose her in order to have any hope of bringing her back or reconciling (if you want to). She needs to feel the consequences of what she has done/is doing.

You need to start preparing yourself and working on yourself to cope with all of this - health wise and emotionally (do the 180).

Find out the extent and depth of this problem and you will be in a better place to decide what to do and be in control of your life.

Also you cannot believe anything that she says from this point onwards.

Good luck!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Why do you need to do forgiveness excersizes.

Is she worthy of being forgiven?

You wanting her back and you wanting to forgive means nothing if she is not trying to earn you back or earn your forgiveness.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Why do you need to do forgiveness excersizes.
> 
> Is she worthy of being forgiven?
> 
> You wanting her back and you wanting to forgive means nothing if she is not trying to earn you back or earn your forgiveness.


Maybe you can ask your counselor what "remorse" exercises he recommends for your wife.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You can look at this thread to see if there is help with the iPhone. I know that there are various threads and posts on the site about it:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...one-interested-evidence-gathering-thread.html

Also, you are clearly being trickle-truthed by your WW. This will naturally be torture for you. Even if your terrible MC were correct about the forgiveness assignment, you wouldn't know exactly what you are forgiving because your WW has lied and continues to lie to you.

People who cheat reputedly dislike two things: 1) Losing control of the relationship with the spouse, and 2) having real consequences.

She still has control and you haven't given her any real consequences.

I would take control by demanding complete truth and transparency and by setting up some monitoring (VARs seem to be the quickest way to the truth). Consequences must be the ultimate, which is divorce.

I really, really doubt that this hasn't been physical. I also doubt that she has really stopped. Read around here and familiarize yourself with the typical patterns. You'll understand why we are expressing the doubts that we are.


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## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

alte Dame said:


> You can look at this thread to see if there is help with the iPhone. I know that there are various threads and posts on the site about it:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...one-interested-evidence-gathering-thread.html
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

I'm damn near positive it hasn't been physical. The opportunity just isn't there. We have twin 3 year old boys. Demands on our time are pretty absolute. She also lives her life on facebook and posts tons of stuff of what she's doing away from me. We slept in separate rooms. That was her opportunity. She took it. By computer and phone. And I'm 99% sure it has stopped. I monitor everything now. Her email comes to my phone. I check her browser history. Were almost never apart now. Facebook is gone. I know where her phone is at all times. I've seen texts with the second guy, there was only flirting there. You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

First, I would ask the counselor why do the forgiveness exercises now? What is the motivation for forgiveness? Let me get down and dirty.

1. What are you forgiving? You have no clue right now the extent of her affair (IMO).
2. So let's say you follow the counselor's advice, do the exercises, and you forgive her. You are now at peace. Then, you find out more. What the heck are you suppose to do now? Oh yea, more forgiveness exercises.
3. I am a firm believer in forgiveness, BUT!. Jumping to forgiveness in your case is too soon.

Second, I would not recommend counseling until she ends the relationship. 

Third, you are looking pathetic. A lot of us have been here and have looked pathetic, I have. You want this relationship to work, but in the process you are selling yourself short because you have no clue as to the depth of your wife's relationship with this guy.

1. Step back and reassess this.
2. Start the 180.
3. Get your affairs in order.
4. You can't nice her into wanting to be with you.
5. Your reaction is fairly common. It is too soon to know where you are going to end up. The emotions are too raw. 
6. Don't make any hasty decision to R or D. 
7. She is still TT'ing you. 


Can you list the solid efforts she has made?

Is she reacting to being "caught" or being remorseful? There is a hugh difference. I suspect the former and not the latter.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> I'm damn near positive it hasn't been physical. The opportunity just isn't there. We have twin 3 year old boys. Demands on our time are pretty absolute. She also lives her life on facebook and posts tons of stuff of what she's doing away from me. We slept in separate rooms. That was her opportunity. She took it. By computer and phone. And I'm 99% sure it has stopped. I monitor everything now. Her email comes to my phone. I check her browser history. Were almost never apart now. Facebook is gone. I know where her phone is at all times. I've seen texts with the second guy, there was only flirting there. *You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.*


Hey, we do have some previous experience that has taught us how these things unfold. Sorry to say this, but your story is very common. The script is usually the same.

The divorce thing is a way to get her attention. It is not in your cards right now, and that is ok. It is suggested to get the affair to end, and reconciliation to start. So far that is not the case for her.

You need more evidence. You are not convinced that she has gone that far. Get the evidence for your satisfaction. Lay low.

The problem is that she is going to figure out new ways to keep you happy while she is further betraying you. She is probably "laying low" to keep you off of her trail.

After the lid finally does blow, you will realize that she is not the woman you thought you married. The pain will be deeper, and the hurt will seem impossible to tolerate.

When that day comes, know that TAM will still be here for you.

FILING for divorce is the way to end the madness. You can decide to D or R after you really find out the truth.

The frustration for me is seeing the signs, and knowing the script. It is so common. So difficult to see a good man (or woman) get burned by this.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Apple or Android
Model
IOS if applicable
Carrier

Im paging our phone guy but he will need this going in.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

There have been a few things said in this thread that aren't making sense to me. As far as I can tell, it's all over with what she's done. She swears she has confessed all, and the circumstances of her confession make me believe her. She confessed to a lot she previously denied, nothing huge, and I've found no evidence at all this went any further that what I've said, and I've looked long and hard.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> I'm damn near positive it hasn't been physical. The opportunity just isn't there. We have twin 3 year old boys. Demands on our time are pretty absolute. She also lives her life on facebook and posts tons of stuff of what she's doing away from me. We slept in separate rooms. That was her opportunity. She took it. By computer and phone. And I'm 99% sure it has stopped. I monitor everything now. Her email comes to my phone. I check her browser history. Were almost never apart now. Facebook is gone. I know where her phone is at all times. I've seen texts with the second guy, there was only flirting there. You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.


What kind of video/pics were exchange between your WW and OM1? PG, R, XXX?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


badmemory said:


> Maybe you can ask your counselor what "remorse" exercises he recommends for your wife.



I meant to put a few more of these agrees on here


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> I'm damn near positive it hasn't been physical. The opportunity just isn't there. We have twin 3 year old boys. Demands on our time are pretty absolute. She also lives her life on facebook and posts tons of stuff of what she's doing away from me. We slept in separate rooms. That was her opportunity. She took it. By computer and phone. And I'm 99% sure it has stopped. I monitor everything now. Her email comes to my phone. I check her browser history. Were almost never apart now. Facebook is gone. I know where her phone is at all times. I've seen texts with the second guy, there was only flirting there. *You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> Your first post indicated that you are at least considering "ending it". See below:
> 
> ...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

People don't want you to get divorced, OP. They actually want to help. A big part of that is trying to open your eyes to the very well-worn pattern of infidelity.

There are literally hundreds of threads here that start out like yours. This reflects the commonality of behavior. Betrayed spouses always say that their cheating spouses would not have the time to have physical affairs (either they are usually within shouting distance of the spouse or are supposedly too busy). This almost always turns out not to be the case.

Betrayed spouses also almost always think that they know that the affair is not going on anymore. They don't yet understand the level of deceit that are dealing with. They think they really know and understand their spouses. What they discover is that there is a different person in there who is capable of setting up myriad secret accounts, buying burner phones, using internet-based messaging services that don't show up on the phone bill, installing and uninstalling apps daily in order to hide activity, etc.

Cheaters are also extremely good at looking in their spouses' eyes and very convincingly lying. Betrayed spouses at the beginning of the journey always say, "Trust me, people, I can tell when (s)he is lying & I believe I have the truth now." This line, in and of itself, is a sure sign that the WS is still lying and that there is more to find out.

I realize that this may sound cynical to you. It is frankly mainly observation on my part. I believe that the people here are honestly hoping to save you some pain.

Read around. You can't miss the patterns, the script. People like to think they are special, but in the broad strokes, we are the same - same species, same basic behavior.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.


First, I think I can speak for most posters and say that what we're trying to do is to give you the best outcome. Sometimes that's D and sometimes that's R.

At whatever point that you feel comfortable in believing this was not a PA, fine. But all we're suggesting is that you need to be sure. You can't rely on her to tell you. I can't tell you the number of times we get a new poster that says their spouse was in an EA and about 5 pages later, after they've received advice on monitoring; they find out different. If a PA is a deal breaker for you, that's pretty important. Even if it's not, it's hard to forgive when you're not confident in what you're forgiving.

But for now, let's say it wasn't. If you want to R, what you should expect from your wife is a consistent demonstration of remorse. She has to do the heaving lifting; not you. It's too early to think about forgiving. Forgiveness comes down the line. I've been in R with my wife over two years and I'm not to the point of being able to tell her that I forgive her. I hope one day I'll get there. You should fire that counselor and find another one that holds the WS accountable.

Right now it's all about what you're wife is doing to save the marriage. An amount of trust can be developed back, but it's an incremental process. R is hard enough, but it's all but impossible without the WS owning what they did. Even with that, this can take months and years for the BS to reconcile.

Good luck to you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> There have been a few things said in this thread that aren't making sense to me. As far as I can tell, it's all over with what she's done. She swears she has confessed all, and the circumstances of her confession make me believe her. She confessed to a lot she previously denied, nothing huge, and I've found no evidence at all this went any further that what I've said, and I've looked long and hard.


Your first post did not have these details. It seemed to say that she still is lying to you and still trying to contact the guy through email, so it seemed that your wife was still pursuing the guy.

This new posts changes things, some what.

1. Do you think you got the whole truth from your wife?

2. If you ask her a question what is her response to it? Does she lie or faces the question honestly and forthright?

3. Is she willing to answer questions about this?

4. What is she doing to repair the hurt she has caused?


If you got the truth this early after d-day, you are one of the rare ones.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

I think my tone was off. Troubled, we do want what is best for you. My point is that your actions need to be thought out, and when you do know she has violated your boundaries, you need to act swiftly.

Hang in there!


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

until and if you can get all deleted texts you really (most likely) do not not know the hole truth she has and probably and may still be (TT) trickle truth you.

and there is the videos and pics if you can get those.

you should be able to get most if not all the text back and maybe even the pics and videos.

a lot of times the EA or even PA just goes further underground.
just be 100% sure it is over.

these guys and women here that say divorce have been through this before and some even have tried to R only to have there spouse cheat again.


oh and you counselor su$ks, find a new one


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Reconciliation is great. You maximize your chances of success if sbe is genuinely remorseful. Generally, when the betrayed spouse won't put up with a BS and are prepared to move on, then the WS is more likely to examine their failure. If they are lightly forgiven, then they repeat offend, thinking you will forgive again.

Was your wife engaging on mutual maturbation with men she never met in person?

Has she considered that stuff like thus ends up on the internet?

How was/is your sex life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DeterminedToThrive (Nov 2, 2013)

At a month out from D-day, there was no way I could have done "forgiveness exercises". I understand the yearning to rush this and get it done and over with. IMO you're expecting too much too soon. Not expecting too much from her, but expecting too much from yourself. 

The trickle truth and continued lies are the norm, part of the cheater's script. Some time she'll probably tell you she lied to spare you more pain (eyeroll), it wasn't, it was to spare her pain. 

I would suggest the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass, both of you should read it.

It will get better, but in my experience, not anywhere near as fast as you're expecting. Your wife is still in the brain-addled affair fog state. Nothing will get solved as long as she's in that state and to get her out of that state, she has to be hit with reality and consequences. You set a boundary about contacting the OM and she broke it, what were the consequences she suffered from that? 
When there are no consequences, the behavior will never change.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, it is a difficult battle. I wish you much luck.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

macbook and iphone 5s, latest os.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Is she stating that she wants her marriage?
Is she upset for what she did to you ?
Is she remorseful?
You're not telling us what her state is. Her state, her actions, and her willingness to rebuild her marriage to you are crucial to the outcome.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

troubled 62234 said:


> I want to work it out. I'm trying to work it out. She has made solid efforts. But I can seem to get over it.


It's HER job to help you get over it (if you can). You are under no obligation to forgive her, she needs to earn it. If you are still having trouble then she isn't doing enough OR this is your breaking point.



> You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.


No, that's not what they are saying.

Filing for a divorce (or at least bringing it up) is not the same as actually getting a divorce. She disrespected you and the marriage, there must be consequences or else you run the risk of it happening again. Don't think for one minute she learned her lesson and won't do it again (unless the lesson is she can get away with it).

What are you doing now isn't simply enough, she has to be afraid of you leaving her and needs to move Heaven and Earth to convince you to stay. She screwed up, she needs to fix it.

tl;dr: Don't minimize this.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Thorburn said:


> troubled 62234 said:
> 
> 
> > I'm damn near positive it hasn't been physical. The opportunity just isn't there. We have twin 3 year old boys. Demands on our time are pretty absolute. She also lives her life on facebook and posts tons of stuff of what she's doing away from me. We slept in separate rooms. That was her opportunity. She took it. By computer and phone. And I'm 99% sure it has stopped. I monitor everything now. Her email comes to my phone. I check her browser history. Were almost never apart now. Facebook is gone. I know where her phone is at all times. I've seen texts with the second guy, there was only flirting there. *You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.[/*QUOTE]
> ...


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> How do you pull out the deleted texts? It's an iphone and I've tried restoring it to several points and gotten nothing. My understanding was once deleted, they're gone.


Do you know your WW's Apple ID and password?

If so, you can recover those deleted texts quite easily. Next time you have her phone, go to SETTINGS>ICLOUD>Find My iPhone, toggle it ON.

Next, while in that section, just below Find My iPhone is Storage & Backup, select it. Under "iCloud Backup", toggle it to ON.

No back out to the Settings Screen, then select Privacy > Location Services, toggle "ON" the following: Maps, Camera.

Next scroll down to Find My iPHone > Find My iPhone (ON), Status Bar Icon "OFF". CRITICAL THAT THIS BE SET TO OFF.

Back out to SETTINGS > MESSAGES. Toggle iMessage to OFF. This will ensure that EVERY text in or out shows up on your carrier record.

Next...if you know her email account info, set up her email on your own phone...make certain that you have this email account set up to NOT tell you when an email has arrived, otherwise both your phones will chirp at the same time every time and that would be pretty suspicious. With this, you can see her email - inbox, deleted, drafts, sent, all in the comfort of your own cell phone, she'll never know unless she checks out your phone.

On your computer, navigate to http://www.teensafe.com/, and sign up to start tracking you child's iPhone usage. This is why you need her Apple ID. DO NOT BOTHER WITH THE FREE TRIAL. It will not return to you much, only the latest three messages sent/received. Pay the $14.99 right off. If you can't have that charge show up on your statement, go to WalMart with cash and buy a BlueBird debit card, NOT A STORED VALUE CARD OR GIFT CARD, TeenSafe doesn't accept them. Use BlueBird to sign up.

Just follow the promts and start tracking. This is why you needed to make sure iCloud was turned to ON...this works using the backup to the iCloud. So the information is not real-time, it polls only the latest backup. Once you've turned it on, it will back up each night while the phone is idle while you sleep. Each day you would log onto TeenSafe, tell it to get updated info, and you can read every text sent/received/deleted. There's simply no escape, She can delete all she wants, it's still on the phone, just not visible to her or you.

Keep your mouth shut. Don't speak of this again for now. Keep your ears open, eyes open. Follow what weightlifter says to a T by getting that VAR.

This will get worse, and may never get better...I'm hoping for the best outcome for you.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Thorburn said:


> Your first post did not have these details. It seemed to say that she still is lying to you and still trying to contact the guy through email, so it seemed that your wife was still pursuing the guy.
> 
> This new posts changes things, some what.
> 
> ...


I'm not 100% I've gotten the whole truth, but the parts I'm unsure about are incidental. She's never wavered from the part about not being physical, her tone of voice was different. Several things I saw in her eyes that weren't true, she later confessed. I could tell then. She does answer my questions, albeit grudgingly(which I understand because it makes her relive what she would rather not) and honestly as far as I can tell. And she is doing many things to change her behavior. She started reading the Bible on her own, which was probably the single biggest sign of hope I've seen. It's been over a month since I found out and she copped to all of it about 2 weeks in. And the only thing past one week was that she started talking to him again after I caused him to contact her to find out what happened. And it was pg, I found the emails. And it stopped before I found out, I know. Also, she had already ended it with him I know as well, because all the texting stopped well before I found out anything.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Reconciliation is great. You maximize your chances of success if sbe is genuinely remorseful. Generally, when the betrayed spouse won't put up with a BS and are prepared to move on, then the WS is more likely to examine their failure. If they are lightly forgiven, then they repeat offend, thinking you will forgive again.
> 
> Was your wife engaging on mutual maturbation with men she never met in person?
> 
> ...


She's never masturbated. I definitely believe that. He would send vids of himself masturbating. She told me that and didn't have to. I would have never known it wasn't pics. But I've tried to get her to do things like that in the past when we were very happy and she never would. In fact there is a toy I bought a long time ago for that that remains untouched, just I left it a long time ago. And she knows where it is. And she had met him in person. He used to live near us, but moved away long before this occurred.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> Thorburn said:
> 
> 
> > In all fairness to the counselor, I asked for the exercise to help me not think about what happened constantly. He's a good counselor I think. He's gotten me through a tough spot before.
> ...


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Hicks said:


> Is she stating that she wants her marriage?
> Is she upset for what she did to you ?
> Is she remorseful?
> You're not telling us what her state is. Her state, her actions, and her willingness to rebuild her marriage to you are crucial to the outcome.


Yes to all. She just isn't totally giving in. She still argues, but she's always been that way. Gets it from her dad. But everytime she admits all fault with this, never tries to blame me.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

BTW John IS our phone guy that I paged.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

ArmyofJuan said:


> What are you doing now isn't simply enough, she has to be afraid of you leaving her and needs to move Heaven and Earth to convince you to stay. She screwed up, she needs to fix it.
> 
> tl;dr: Don't minimize this.


I tell her that constantly. I'm the one in need of healing. She has to do it. She agrees. And I have been putting her through emotional hell. Constantly running her through what she did. I've also left 3 times when she hasn't been forthcoming enough. I've tried to scare her. I think I've succeeded for the most part.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> Finally, I found out she had still been emailing him after we had been to counseling trying to work it out between us.


This is the main reason people are advocating a nuclear option. You busted her. She started counseling with you yet continued to reach out to the other man. This is not an act of remorse. 

You need to make the severity of her situation clear. By filing for Divorce or at least doing a hard 180 you start to take control of the situation. Keep in mind filling for divorce doesn't have to lead to finalizing a divorce. 

In my case I didn't have to file. I had done research on divorce and division of marital assests and visited a lawyer. My wife found evidence of those actions and asked me if I was planning to divorce her. I told her that it depended on how the next few months went. I wasn't sure if I was going to or not, but I was exploring my options and trying to figure out how I would make my finances work if I decided it was the right choice for me. This 'woke her up' and she has been very transparent since. 

The key is she has to want to be in the marriage too. If she does, she will fight to save the marriage and will start making choices to support that goal. If she feels she can do anything she wants and you will keep calm and carry on, she has no reason to change. 

When your wife 'tells you' she has changed, you can reserve the right to take as much time as you need to feel comfortable that she is being truthful. She lied multiple times already. It's okay not to trust what she says. When she looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and says, I'm telling you the truth, don't you belive me. Just say you want to, but that's not the same as actually trusting. She hurt you by lying multipple times already and you can't take her word at face value. She will likely ask what she can do to prove it. That is your opening. Be prepared with what you will need to ask for. Passwords to everything. No secrets. No deleting. I told my wife that a deleted text = admission to the worst possible thing my imiagination can come up with. And I have a wicked imagination. What you need here is specific to you and your situation, but put some thought into it and be ready for that conversation when it happens.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> She's never masturbated. I definitely believe that. He would send vids of himself masturbating. She told me that and didn't have to. I would have never known it wasn't pics. But I've tried to get her to do things like that in the past when we were very happy and she never would. In fact there is a toy I bought a long time ago for that that remains untouched, just I left it a long time ago. And she knows where it is. And she had met him in person. He used to live near us, but moved away long before this occurred.


My wife had a very sexual online EA in 2010. She said she never mastubated. I confronted her about this. I said I know you better than that. She then admitted to three times. It was the lies that got me as well. I am a big boy, tell me the truth. I knew when she lied.

Speaking to you like an adult, females get aroused and when a guy sends these types of images, it is very common for a woman to want to get off. I imagine your wife was in hyper mode during this time. Look at the texts, I am sure there were lots of them.

I did not pressure my wife to tell me the truth to embarras her. I pressured my wife to tell me the truth because I knew she was lying. Had she been forth coming with the truth I would have gotten over it a lot sooner, but she did not want to tell me the truth and it ended up going physical with another guy in less then a year, because she had this little secret life she wanted to keep going. A fantasy world.

It did end in April 2013 when she finally repented and came clean with everything.

I went through a false R from 2011 till April 2013 and I could tell the difference. If you get the truth and know it then you will be able to get over this (IMO). Your gut will guide you.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

john1068 said:


> Do you know your WW's Apple ID and password?
> 
> If so, you can recover those deleted texts quite easily. Next time you have her phone, go to SETTINGS>ICLOUD>Find My iPhone, toggle it ON.
> 
> ...


I don't see where this helps me recover old messages. Maybe I missed it. The rest I already do, or an equivalent. I got all her passwords immediately, but for the one email because I was sure it wasn't being used for that and it's a pain to get into, but now all her email comes to my phone and anything emailed from his email forwards to mine automatically. She is unaware of any of this. She does know that I'm monitoring her texting and any I cannot find end of day becomes an issue, which it's never gone there. Nothing has ever been deleted since week one. I also take her phone and look at anything I want at any time. My only concern is a secret email, but I've never found anything in any browser history or alternate emails and tried all sorts of known email names on different providers. Trust me, I've gone mental with this. And she isn't smart enough to do the more complicated **** I couldn't track, I know. If she were I would never have caught her in the first place.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Thorburn said:


> troubled 62234 said:
> 
> 
> > I hear you. Sorry you are here. Unfortunately I think it is too early in the process of discovery not to be thinking about it.
> ...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> I tell her that constantly. I'm the one in need of healing. She has to do it. She agrees. And I have been putting her through emotional hell. Constantly running her through what she did. I've also left 3 times when she hasn't been forthcoming enough. I've tried to scare her. I think I've succeeded for the most part.


And this is exactly what many of us have gone through. Threats, rage, etc. Just to get them to tell us the freaken truth.

You really don't know if you succeeded.

In hindsight you will feel like a fool for doing all the gymanstics you are doing. And you will ask yourself, WTH did I have to do all of this, when all she had to do was tell me, show me what she did.

She will tell you she didn't tell you because "she was scared", etc. Remember this, they are all excuses.

When the excuses stop and she shows true remorse, I think you will know it.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

YOU caught her cheating...sexting...at the very least an emotional affair...if she has little or NO repercussions, it will make it easier to cheat again, and next time, unless she is a complete idiot, she will be MORE careful, you wont catch her...she has already PROVEN she is capable of betraying you...why wouldnt she do it again...eventually the sorrow (make no mistake, her sorrow is she got caught, NOT that she hurt you) will fade and she will be tempted again...whatever it is about your marriage she uses to justify this ****e will happen again...

UNLESS SHE HAS SERIOUS REPERCUSSIONS FOR WHAT SHE DID

Cheaters trickle truth...she is ONLY going to tell you enough to explain what you have found out or already know...chances are there is a LOT more to this than what you know...VERY good chances...schedule the polygram and take her, chances are you will get a parking lot confession...and be prepared for a PA...if not with these two *******s, than someone else...she sounds like a serial cheater

you cant decide on a course of action until you know the truth

and you can file for D, or at least have her served, without actually going through with it (you must be prepared to though)...she needs a VERY HARD BRUTAL kick in the ass...being caught isnt even a little slap on the ass


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> I tell her that constantly. I'm the one in need of healing. She has to do it. She agrees. And I have been putting her through emotional hell. Constantly running her through what she did. I've also left 3 times when she hasn't been forthcoming enough. I've tried to scare her. I think I've succeeded for the most part.


STOP leaving...make her leave...all YOUR leaving does is give HER a break from the interigation...your at a hotel or a friends house upset and mad, she is laying back on HER couch, watching HER tv, and sighing relief that you stopped asking her questions...this is NO repercusion to her...


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## DumbDude (Jul 27, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> She's never wavered from the part about not being physical, her tone of voice was different.


My STBXW never wavered for months on this. It wasnt until I said she needed to do a polygraph she finally (very reluctantly) admitted it was a PA.

I suggest you keep you mind open to this as being a possibility. 

Also, everyone has given you great advice so far. It's counter intuitive but filing for D will show her you mean business and that she cant treat you as a door mat.

Good luck.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> She's never masturbated. I definitely believe that. .


If you seriously believe this than you are delusional...no offense I am NOT attacking your intelligence, but you are fooling yourself...

even if she is 1 in a 1000 and does not pleasure herself, tell me she isnt thinking of this guy, or these guys when YOU pleasure her???

Does she insist she does not masturbate??
Has she insisted this always, or only since being caught?

Either way there is NO WAY I would believe this crap...


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Troubled, everyone here wants to see the best outcome for you. But those who are skeptical that your W has really come clean about everything, seen the light and wants to reconcile are skeptical based on a broad base of experience. One of my favorite posts here was by a wayward wife who is sincerely remorseful and working on R, explaining her reasons for trickle-truthing her husband:

_As a WS, I lied and lied until I knew I had lost everything. If I felt there was still something for me to protect, I couldn't tell the truth because I was trying to hold on to that. A friend told me to just tell M*** the truth, and I said I couldn't, that it would just be something I had to bear for the rest of my life.

It wasn't until M*** kicked me out and told me we had an appointment with the divorce attorney that I was "free" enough to just confess. There was nothing left, no hope, so what could the truth cost me at that point?_


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## DumbDude (Jul 27, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> I don't see where this helps me recover old messages.


I used iPhone Backup extractor to discover some deleted stuff... unfortunately the text was gone but the images my STBXW had sent were there for me to see.

The condition on this piece of software is you need to backup locally, not to icloud.

Also, don't be too naive, like I was. I am good with tech and thought I knew how she got in contact with the POSOM. Turns out she was much more cunning than I gave her credit for.

She would use the apple 'find my phone' app. Log in with his details and send him a message. There is something about affairs that motivates these people to come up with new ingenious ways to communicate with their affair partner.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> I don't see where this helps me recover old messages. Maybe I missed it. The rest I already do, or an equivalent. I got all her passwords immediately, but for the one email because I was sure it wasn't being used for that and it's a pain to get into, but now all her email comes to my phone and anything emailed from his email forwards to mine automatically. She is unaware of any of this. She does know that I'm monitoring her texting and any I cannot find end of day becomes an issue, which it's never gone there. Nothing has ever been deleted since week one. I also take her phone and look at anything I want at any time. My only concern is a secret email, but I've never found anything in any browser history or alternate emails and tried all sorts of known email names on different providers. Trust me, I've gone mental with this. And she isn't smart enough to do the more complicated **** I couldn't track, I know. If she were I would never have caught her in the first place.


Have you gone to TeenSafe to sign up yet? If not, this is why you don't know how this will allow you to see deleted messages. When text is deleted, it actually is NOT deleted. The filing system simply junks the address of where it is in the filing system. This allows new data to be written over it. By having iCloud back up each night, all deleted texts can be retrieved. She can delete them all she wants. They won't hide from TeenSafe. 

What you are doing is hard stuff to do...hard to be in this mode of distrusting your WW. But you either DO WANT TO KNOW and do what you can to discover, or you can trust somebody who has abused your trust in such a horrible way...it's your call.

We've all been where you are. She's admitted likely to only a tiny bit of what is actually true. Now I'm a perfect example where what my W told me was actually the truth, so it DOES happen that way. But I only suspected my W, you discovered your WW was full-on EA...so your starting point is significantly different than mine. So put on your concrete underpants, there will likely be some kicks in the groin still to come.

TeenSafe will help you in two possible ways...you will discover that you WW was telling you the whole truth (great, you can start to heal and rebuild) or that your WW has been lying to you still, and using your love and desire to trust her as a weapon against you. It's all part of the cheaters script. New to you, but a script we on TAM have read over and over and over and over again and again.

Trust but verify...you're doing it with email. Facebook. Now do it with text. 

BTW, does she have an texing apps like WhatsApp or SnapChat on her phone? does she use Google as her search engine? Go to google.com/history, log in as her....she can delete her history on her computer, but she can't avoid this...google really does track your every move...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> I'm damn near positive it hasn't been physical. The opportunity just isn't there. We have twin 3 year old boys. Demands on our time are pretty absolute. She also lives her life on facebook and posts tons of stuff of what she's doing away from me. *We slept in separate rooms. * That was her opportunity. She took it. By computer and phone. And I'm 99% sure it has stopped. I monitor everything now. Her email comes to my phone. I check her browser history. Were almost never apart now. Facebook is gone. I know where her phone is at all times. I've seen texts with the second guy, there was only flirting there. You guys seem awful eager for me to get divorced.


Who initiated the idea to sleep in separate rooms? Are you still sleeping in separate rooms now?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Why did she do this to you and your kids?

What did she tell you and the counselor? Was it an exit affair?

Why did she make you less than number one in her life? I do not know what number where she put you, but she is number one, because she is selfish. OM is number 2, she kept contacting him after he quit. Kids are number 3 and 4, she was not thinking about their future when she did this cheating. I have experienced some of the pain that you have. Are you in her starting five? 

When you asked, where did she put you, number 5? So she did all these wonderful things for the OM. 

Have you told the OM's family about this? What about her parents and your family? She likes the dark and the affair in the dark. Did you shine the light on her affair and get it out into the light? 

What has she done for you? Has she helped you find all of her text messages? Has she taken a polygraph and did she pay for it? Did she use a condom? Did she send you pictures of her? Has she written a timeline for you? 

Has she had the kids tested for DNA? Has she been tested for stds? 

So sorry that you are having this pain. She should be doing all she can to show she is sorry. If she is not, have her leave her kids and family and drive her over to the OM's house.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Who initiated the idea to sleep in separate rooms? Are you still sleeping in separate rooms now?


Me(bad decision). No we are not. Greatest mistake I've made. Supposed to be temporary so I could get enough sleep.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

john1068 said:


> Have you gone to TeenSafe to sign up yet? If not, this is why you don't know how this will allow you to see deleted messages. When text is deleted, it actually is NOT deleted. The filing system simply junks the address of where it is in the filing system. This allows new data to be written over it. By having iCloud back up each night, all deleted texts can be retrieved. She can delete them all she wants. They won't hide from TeenSafe.
> 
> What you are doing is hard stuff to do...hard to be in this mode of distrusting your WW. But you either DO WANT TO KNOW and do what you can to discover, or you can trust somebody who has abused your trust in such a horrible way...it's your call.
> 
> ...


Sorry, still confused. I don't think I have any need to get current texts, even deleted ones. I would know if she deleted them and it would be an issue. The only thing that would serve is to get them from a few months ago and I've found no way to do that. The backups dont go back that far.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Trouble, she has already replaced you. You can R but eventually one day, she'd leave you.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

The first OM stopped all contact, yet your WW kept contacting him? Why? 

Both of these guys are married...right?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> Me(bad decision). No we are not. Greatest mistake I've made. Supposed to be temporary so I could get enough sleep.


I don't think the two of you sleeping apart was the root cause to her having EA's - especially if she had them prior to you/her moving to another bedroom. But it sure is a contributor to losing intimacy in the marriage and where she tried to fill the void as a result. Not meant to blame you for her EA's in any way. Just wondering if she interpreted your idea of sleeping apart as a slap to the face that implied that you rejected her on an intimate level.


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## lyndyb (Feb 9, 2014)

When I intercepted a txt message to my fiancé at 1am in the morning I woke him to ask who the person was he said just a friend in work she was also engaged but I knew from his recent suspicious behaviour with his phone something was going on. When I threatened him with lie detector he told me he had sex with her but it was before we were together. He told her to stop texting and she did. We married 1 year later and 4 months later I found out he had sex with her twice (or so he says) while we were together and this happened when he was on a works outings which was in another town and telling me he was sleeping at a male colleagues house. He actually was staying at the OW house and had been for 3 years. 

Like you I believed he was telling me the truth the phone records proved he wasn't and he was busted, He was lying to me for 7 years and I never would of believed he was capable of something so deceitful. Like many people have told you on here the betrayer can look you straight in the eyes and have you believe they are telling you the truth. 

Mine had a PA and a EA for a long time but he hid it very well. I'm now 19 months since learning the truth it still haunts me some days but others I feel okay. He knows how lucky he his that I have not divorced him and he knows I would kick him to the kerb without a second glance if he ever chested on me again.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> Sorry, still confused. I don't think I have any need to get current texts, even deleted ones. I would know if she deleted them and it would be an issue. The only thing that would serve is to get them from a few months ago and I've found no way to do that. The backups dont go back that far.


I want to make sure I understand, so I know how to help you...you know she's deleted/deleting texts...what you DON'T know is what is IN those texts. You don't want to know what it is that she wants to hide from you? TeenSafe will BRING TO LIGHT THE ACTUAL TEXT MESSAGES. WHAT SHE SAID, WHAT HE SAID. Even the ones she purposefully deleted to hide from you.

If you don't want to see what is in them, to see the depth of her infidelity to you, do you not want to compare what she is TELLING you with what is absolute truth? If so, get set up on TeenSafe, if not, then good luck with just trusting you WW.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Troubled, there is no standard with reconciliation, some folks trust immediately, while others never regain that trust. The key to forgiveness is that the offending party must be contrite for the things that they have done. Additionally, they have to accept total responsibility, reveal all password and answer all questions surrounding the affair.

However, you can't continually beat on one another, even if you are right. I recommend healing time that no relationship talk is discussed and allow yourselves to just enjoy one another's company. Each of you should plan a date for your mate, where it is just fun time for you two. Also, this is still pretty fresh, so remember, Rome was not built in a day. I think most relationships can be saved, if both people work to fix the relationship.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

john1068 said:


> I want to make sure I understand, so I know how to help you...you know she's deleted/deleting texts...what you DON'T know is what is IN those texts. You don't want to know what it is that she wants to hide from you? TeenSafe will BRING TO LIGHT THE ACTUAL TEXT MESSAGES. WHAT SHE SAID, WHAT HE SAID. Even the ones she purposefully deleted to hide from you.
> 
> If you don't want to see what is in them, to see the depth of her infidelity to you, do you not want to compare what she is TELLING you with what is absolute truth? If so, get set up on TeenSafe, if not, then good luck with just trusting you WW.


I think if he can't get the deleted messages from a few months ago he doesn't care to get any. He believes that she's not taken it underground. He's sure she's not using a game or messaging ap to keep messages from showing up on the bill. He's decided that he can trust the word of someone who recently proved themselves untrustworthy.

Or possibly the steps you've outlined are just too much effort to put in to find out what's currently happening. Maybe the relationship doesn't mean enough for him to work that hard at it.

My opinion?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Good luck, troubled. Honestly.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

shrug.

Oncoming train or end of tunnel?
Think train.
Honestly hoping end of tunnel.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I am pretty much gob smacked by your answers troubled, really I am.

My W had an EA with an old H/school BF, I caught her early on, now you know how I come to know so much about this exact type of situation.

You are 4 days in on this, so far she has buttered you up like a slice of bread and given you "hope" by picking up a bible.

You say that in 4 days you learned so much and believe the "truth" she tells you? Holy s4!t I was still chasing clues and discussing the issues for weeks before I believed a word she said about anything let alone what she had been upto behnd my back on t'internet, she could have told me it was raining outside and I would have had to feel the drops on my skin to be able to believe that it was, you say she confessed, you say you believe her, you are already starting to sound like this thing is half swept uunder the rug right now!!

Listen and follow Johns advice with the teensafe program, that is an option that will allow you to drop the phone off the radar and return to normal programming, by that, I mean this, if she is going to do it again, what would you rather do? Live another couple years of torment and worry about internet hook ups only to be blown away by her doing the mower man in the garden shed on Sunday afternoon after church? If you follow the phone and internet advice given here and now you get to drop the topic and are in a position to look at it every day without her knowing, if she feels she is no longer under suspicion she will be back to the thrills within a couple months, as soon as it starts you get to pack her bags and file.

This aint over buddy, she already TTd you, she's now doing the scent trail game with the bible, you seem way too calm and already speaking of trusting right now is a real bad sign to me.

I do not want to see you get divorced, far from it, but what I do want is to help you avoid being emotionally damaged further by being put through the wringer on a false R by rug sweeping and getting back to normal too soon. When this happens, it is so typical that she does it again but not EAs, full blown PAs with any guy who can float her boat, she has lost respect for you, you have practically zero sex ranking in her eyes right now.

This will end badly if you don't listen friend.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Throw the weak out of the nest!


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> She's never masturbated. I definitely believe that. He would send vids of himself masturbating. She told me that and didn't have to. I would have never known it wasn't pics. But I've tried to get her to do things like that in the past when we were very happy and she never would. In fact there is a toy I bought a long time ago for that that remains untouched, just I left it a long time ago. And she knows where it is. *And she had met him in person. He used to live near us, but moved away long before this occurred.*


That you know of...


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

oh wait 
she picked up a bible and found god??
Then all is good...no need to question this further or be on your guard, she has repented and will NEVER do this again...


NOT!!!!!!


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

missthelove2013 said:


> oh wait
> she picked up a bible and found god??
> Then all is good...no need to question this further or be on your guard, she has repented and will NEVER do this again...
> 
> ...


I picked up my bible just now but can't find him. Help!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Take care what the posters are telling you though it sounds very harsh and sarcastic. What has been proven over and over is that after you find out your wife /spouse has been caught, they never tell you everything. The worse part is how likely they are to do it again or keep on with the same partner but figure out ways to take it underground.

Something else that is nearly universal is that cheating wives will do things for their new partner they would not dream of doing for you.

Follow the advice and get the deleted texts as far back as you can. If there is more or less there than you expect it will help dispel your doubts.

Do not discount the possibility they have met up. Look around here and you will see where there is a will there is a way.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Did the TeenSafe thing. Paid the fee. Found nothing new. Everything was as I thought previously. I don't think she's capable of using a third party app to manipulate the wireless bill, but I guess this will make sure.
Also the iphone extractor turned up nothing new. She already let me restore her phone as many times as I wanted to whenever I wanted and look til I was satisfied. She didn't like it, but gave me her phone for a day.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> Did the TeenSafe thing. Paid the fee. Found nothing new. Everything was as I thought previously. I don't think she's capable of using a third party app to manipulate the wireless bill, but I guess this will make sure.
> Also the iphone extractor turned up nothing new. She already let me restore her phone as many times as I wanted to whenever I wanted and look til I was satisfied. She didn't like it, but gave me her phone for a day.


I guess that's good. But what is she doing to keep this from happening? Why does she seek external validation from other men? 
I hope she's in IC to figure out her issues!!

PS. Have you told the OM's spouse's?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> Did the TeenSafe thing. Paid the fee. Found nothing new. Everything was as I thought previously. I don't think she's capable of using a third party app to manipulate the wireless bill, but I guess this will make sure.
> Also the iphone extractor turned up nothing new. She already let me restore her phone as many times as I wanted to whenever I wanted and look til I was satisfied. She didn't like it, but gave me her phone for a day.


When you say "she already let me restore her phone as many times as I wanted to whenever I wanted," explain what you mean by that...you mean you wiped the iphone back to factory and resync to iTunes? In your mind, in trying to ascertain the truth, how would restoring a phone do anything but wipe away forever any evidence that could either support your WW's stories or prove her continued dishonesty (trickle truth)?

So when you implemented TeenSafe, the deleted and current messages all supported her stories to you? Or were there no messages in the deleted file? My Wife has THOUSANDS of deleted messages, all of which are benign "pick up some milk, please" and other normal behavior stuff, nothing inappropriate at all. Prior to using TeenSafe, were you able to read every text back and forth between your WW and other men, or could you only see that texts were going back and forth without knowing what was being said? Certainly, TeenSafe shows you MUCH more than just that, so it must have been even a little bit eye opening, yes?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you saying you got the deleted messages and there was nothing new? You also said the texting had stopped before you caught them. Did you read in their texts where they talked about stopping it and why?

This is very unusual.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

During this time did you sex life increase or decrease?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You may want to point out to her that, as long as YOU are reliving these moments, she gets to (by telling you about them), too.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

No icloud backups and I insisted she get a new phone(stupidly I know now) because I couldn't stand to look at the old one. Can't see old texts as far as I know. Have a couple itunes backups from about a month after, but they turn up nothing by restoring or iphone extractor. Not sure I would want to know anyway. She's admitted to quite a bit that was said/sent. Telling me more would just upset me more(if there was more to tell). I'm satisfied it was over 2 months before I found out, and I'm satisfied the second guy never even went that far. And I'm looking at this logically and not from a trust standpoint. 
The texts stopped suddenly. She texted 3-4 more times over the next few days with no replies. She claims she didn't know why it ended. After I found out about it all, I contacted him to tell him I knew to give him a little knot in his belly. He then emailed her to find out what happened. I caught that too a week later. She says he told her then that the texting stopped because the risk wasn't worth it. I think he may have been caught. Don't know, and really don't see why it matters. The fact that she was texting with someone else again(nowhere near the volume as before) a month later shows to me it didn't just move to a different venue. 
My trust is gone and I'm a hair from gone, and she seems to understand both these points. She's making a great effort I believe at making this work. She fully claims responsibility at putting this back together and has made many sacrifices to do so so far. She claims she told me everything, and there was a huge come to Jesus moment where she spilled her guts. I tricked her into thinking I had all the evidence at the time. Whether that's everything, I don't know. Whether she's just laying low, I couldn't say. And it doesn't matter right now. I can't dwell there anymore. 
I'm choosing to make it work for my kids. I'm choosing to start fresh with her. I'm sure someone will call me a fool. If it happens again, I'll find out. I have the knowledge and tools. And it'll be her loss, not mine. I'll move on. And I don't know what will happen in the end. The fact there was a second guy texting a month after the first scares the hell out of me even if it was only light flirting. The lying, I can't abide. But I've got to try. 
And no, I haven't blown anyone out of the water no matter how much I want to. It would damage her career and I don't want that.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you two in therapy together? Since, as you say, your relationship has always been rocky. Rocky means that neither of you are focused on meeting the other's needs (since you'd be meeting those needs and refraining from harming the other person).


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

troubled 62234 said:


> And no, I haven't blown anyone out of the water no matter how much I want to. It would damage her career and I don't want that.


It wouldn't hurt her career for her to confess to her parents. But it would go a long way toward teaching her the pain you feel and making it less likely that she cheat again (after seeing their faces).


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

turnera said:


> Are you two in therapy together? Since, as you say, your relationship has always been rocky. Rocky means that neither of you are focused on meeting the other's needs (since you'd be meeting those needs and refraining from harming the other person).


She is the one who insisted on therapy and we go 1-2 times per week. He kept us for 2 hrs last night cause we'd had a bad day. And yes, her whole family knows, as does mine. I'm sure they don't know as many details as me, but she has told them the general extent of it. And she confessed to one of her friends too.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> Did the TeenSafe thing. Paid the fee. Found nothing new. Everything was as I thought previously. I don't think she's capable of using a third party app to manipulate the wireless bill, but I guess this will make sure.
> Also the iphone extractor turned up nothing new. She already let me restore her phone as many times as I wanted to whenever I wanted and look til I was satisfied. She didn't like it, but gave me her phone for a day.


Let's hope that you are currently out of the woods with your wife. I am sure most of us feel you have many things to uncover before it is over. I hope it is over.

In the meantime, what can you do to cope? What can you do to strengthen your role in the relationship? How can you lessen the likelihood that she is going to chase more OM?

The strategy of policing your wayward spouse (WS) becomes very tiring. There should be a long-term strategy to ensure you don't have 5 more rocky years.

Did you learn anything about the root causes of her straying?

Trust is the foundation of a happy marriage. I believe it is easier to develop love for someone that is trustworthy than to trust someone just because you love them.

Maybe as you work on these forgiveness exercises, you can work on your own questions about the relationship. It seems that 5 years with two known OM doesn't add up to a good place for you.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Are you offering the things that women value? Is her behavior in seeking others understandable? Maybe you need to decide if she worth the lying, and what kind of wife do you deserve.

Please read about the "180". Try working on yourself. It will add value to your broken ego. It will help you grow stronger. You will become more attractive.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> During this time did you sex life increase or decrease?


About the same. I did notice her drinking increase. She definitely needed a little liquid courage for much of this. She's never been a huge drinker and never drank at home, but started drinking wine at night before bed regularly during that time. In retrospect, that should've tipped me off.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Lovemytruck said:


> Let's hope that you are currently out of the woods with your wife. I am sure most of us feel you have many things to uncover before it is over. I hope it is over.
> 
> In the meantime, what can you do to cope? What can you do to strengthen your role in the relationship? How can you lessen the likelihood that she is going to chase more OM?
> 
> ...


This is mainly what we talk about in therapy. In hindsight, I had many flaws contributing to the situation. I slept downstairs to get better sleep because I've always had to be an early riser for work. I drank too much. I didn't participate in the family nearly as much as was right. I've made the necessary changes though, and it absolutely shows in her attitude. 

I know she strayed for the attention. It made her feel wanted when she didn't get enough from me. The evidence bears out that this guy pushed the relationship every step of the way. He made the initial contact on facebook, I know independently from her sister. His was almost always the first text, and the last. He sent over 20 pics before she sent one. My belief is this guy is a serial offender and a predator. But she liked how it felt and went with it. Then, when it ended, she missed it. The strategy is always be dating your wife, or someone else will.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

troubled 62234 said:


> This is mainly what we talk about in therapy. In hindsight, I had many flaws contributing to the situation. I slept downstairs to get better sleep because I've always had to be an early riser for work. I drank too much. I didn't participate in the family nearly as much as was right. I've made the necessary changes though, and it absolutely shows in her attitude.
> 
> I know she strayed for the attention. It made her feel wanted when she didn't get enough from me. The evidence bears out that this guy pushed the relationship every step of the way. He made the initial contact on facebook, I know independently from her sister. His was almost always the first text, and the last. He sent over 20 pics before she sent one. My belief is this guy is a serial offender and a predator. But she liked how it felt and went with it. Then, when it ended, she missed it. The strategy is always be dating your wife, or someone else will.


It sounds like you are heading in a better direction. We are all a little gun-shy of waywards. The fact remains most of us probably believe that she did much more than you currently know about. Just a hunch from past stories, including my own.

Working on ourselves is our best bet for long-term results. Their is nobody that can force a spouse to remain loyal, or to cheat. That is their decision. It is easier for someone that may have those tendencies to remain loyal, if they are content. Being a better spouse also lifts us up because it make marriage more enjoyable. Having fun and sharing love are noble goals. Work toward those goals. If you find that your wife is not capable of being a good partner, you will be better prepared for the future.

Down the road, if you find she has had a PA, you will be on better ground to cope. Even if it was only an EA, you will be able to deal with the pain as you develop a better mind-set.

You have some courage to come here and post. It is worrisome that she has emailed him during your counseling, and that you appear to be content with her truthfulness. Time will tell. We hate seeing people crushed once the blinders come off.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

troubled 62234 said:


> And yes, her whole family knows, as does mine. I'm sure they don't know as many details as me, but she has told them the general extent of it. And she confessed to one of her friends too.


So you talked to them all about this? Or did she SAY she told them all?

I'm just making sure. You sound like you have a chance, I just don't want you to be taking her word for anything at this point.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

turnera said:


> So you talked to them all about this? Or did she SAY she told them all?
> 
> I'm just making sure. You sound like you have a chance, I just don't want you to be taking her word for anything at this point.


I've talked to my mother in law. She was the first to know. And her and her sister are as close as anything so I'm sure she knows. She's also mentioned things in conversation they've talked about concerning it. She said she told her dad. Doesn't matter.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the two books linked to below. MMSLP, is for you both. NOT JUST FRIENDS is for you both. These are the two most recommended books here. They can also be downloaded. Amazon carries them too. The book for you is not a sex guide but a relationship guide from a mans point of veiw. It is highly recommended especially by those of us that have read it. When you read it you think,.every man should read this. He also has a blog.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, the way she almost immediately jumped into the next affair shows what a thrill and how addictive they find these things to be. You would be shocked at how many wives we have seen leave their families to move far away for a man they have never met.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Btw, the way she almost immediately jumped into the next affair shows what a thrill and how addictive they find these things to be. You would be shocked at how many wives we have seen leave their families to move far away for a man they have never met.


:iagree:

Well said. She has not "hit bottom" in my opinion. Most don't until divorce is on the table.

It is also evident that she is excited by the idea of having an affair. Dangerous mind-set for a spouse. Maybe she is not good with monogamy, or mature enough for marriage.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You story screams trickle truth to me, but you seem to be accepting of that. I know you are working towards R and in therapy, but be careful, rug sweeping details and the extent will bite you in the a$$. 

The way your wife went from one dude to the other is concerning. Also, just because you have two children that are 3 doesn't mean she couldn't find the time for a physical relationship. People make time for what they want.

Ask her to take a polygraph, judge her reaction.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

When I went into counseling in 2010 (my wife refused) for the same thing your wife did, a very sexual EA online, but with a guy she did not know, my counselor told me my wife would do it again and if the guy was local she would have a PA. It happened within a year and that A did not end till April of 2013.

So I am jaded and always skeptical at these things.

I went through a false R for over a year and it stank.

Now that my wife came clean I can tell you I know she is now sincere.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

I don't mean to demean the advice I've gotten here, I appreciate it very much, but every time get back on here it seems I leave convinced there was a PA somewhere I'm missing. And it's driving me mad. But there's just no evidence of that anywhere. I've got tons of circumstantial evidence everywhere, and none of it points in that direction. For instance, she has always, even when we were first dating, showered immediately after sex. She feels gross until she does. I suppose what I know to be an instinctual reaction to that feeling could be overcome by lust(and she's never been very lustful), but it seems quite a long shot to me for her to be sneaking off and doing this and that physically. 

And I know there's never been an opportunity while this was going on for her to get away for more than a half hour at best. And there are many more things I know about her that don't fit with that scenario as well. I suppose it's possible, but the facts I have just don't support it at all. I even restored her phone to when she was talking to the second guy and used Teensafe to see deleted texts. Nothing, out of over 44k deleted texts over the years, nothing. Now I know that doesn't prove anything because I know there was something with guy #1 text wise and I didn't find it either. I'm kinda stuck here. She's ready at times to divorce me because I keep worrying the situation over and over. I'm ready to divorce her when despair really hits hard. Filing wouldn't do a thing but end it all. I don't even know I'd believe a poly for sure either at this point. If it were me, I'd be scared to death there would be a false positive. Better at that point to refuse. I have no other way to find anything out and no way to prove she isn't lying any more. She seems pretty rock bottom to me. Went to Dr with chest pains. Dr said it was stress/anxiety. I grill her most days on what she did looking for another lie. I think my only choice now is to stop.


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## troubled 62234 (Mar 3, 2014)

Also, I've been through phone records going back a year and a half or more. Found nothing. Checked every number that showed a pattern. Nothing. The fact that she chose that medium to do what she did twice recently would suggest she would've used it in the past as well.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What was she talking to the 2nd guy during the counseling?



> She's ready at times to divorce me because I keep worrying the situation over and over.


She is now threatening you with a divorce?

Did you read the sticky. The emotions you are feeling now are pretty normal for someone in your situation. Read the threads here. 

Is the OM married?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

troubled 62234 said:


> Did the TeenSafe thing. Paid the fee. Found nothing new. Everything was as I thought previously. I don't think she's capable of using a third party app to manipulate the wireless bill, but I guess this will make sure.
> Also the iphone extractor turned up nothing new. She already let me restore her phone as many times as I wanted to whenever I wanted and look til I was satisfied. She didn't like it, but gave me her phone for a day.


Never thought my WW was that tech savvy and deceitful to do that as well, but she was installing 3rd party apps that used data, and then uninstalling them before she got home to remove all traces of history. Then the next day repeat the install/uninstall routine. Pretty crappy (she was getting all sorts of tech advice from her OM, whom was even kind enough to set up her "secret" email account for her. this was after they were discovered through the FB private message by OMW, who wasn't kind enough to warn me). She was checking the emil accounts only on her phone as I had the info for everything else and then scrubbing the history after each interaction.

The worst was she is a teacher too, so I thought she never had the time, as she was always home on time and never went on GNOs. Turns out several times during teacher work days, and a few during actual school days, she was calling in and not going to school, but traveling to me the OM (they live in another state and they would meet at the half way point, sometimes in my state, sometimes in his) and this was at least 3 hours of driving on way, so where there is a will there is a way (she would leave home with all her school work like she was going, and then would drive 3 hours to meet him, spend 3-4 hours together, and then drive 3 hours back home and act like nothing had happened). Sickens me to think of her actions.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> Also, I've been through phone records going back a year and a half or more. Found nothing. Checked every number that showed a pattern. Nothing. The fact that she chose that medium to do what she did twice recently would suggest she would've used it in the past as well.


Two words for you:

*Burner phone*.

You're assuming she ONLY used the phone. Experience has shown here that cheaters CAN lull their BS into a false sense of security by using a burner phone.

Thorburn heard his WWs burner phone vibrating. HurtinTN caught his WW's with her THIRD burner phone. And there are many, many others. 

You never thought of this because you never had to hide a secret relationship before.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Squeakr said:


> Never thought my WW was that tech savvy and deceitful to do that as well, but she was installing 3rd party apps that used data, and then uninstalling them before she got home to remove all traces of history. Then the next day repeat the install/uninstall routine. Pretty crappy (she was getting all sorts of tech advice from her OM, whom was even kind enough to set up her "secret" email account for her. this was after they were discovered through the FB private message by OMW, who wasn't kind enough to warn me). She was checking the emil accounts only on her phone as I had the info for everything else and then scrubbing the history after each interaction.
> 
> The worst was she is a teacher too, so I thought she never had the time, as she was always home on time and never went on GNOs. Turns out several times during teacher work days, and a few during actual school days, she was calling in and not going to school, but traveling to me the OM (they live in another state and they would meet at the half way point, sometimes in my state, sometimes in his) and this was at least 3 hours of driving on way, so where there is a will there is a way (she would leave home with all her school work like she was going, and then would drive 3 hours to meet him, spend 3-4 hours together, and then drive 3 hours back home and act like nothing had happened). Sickens me to think of her actions.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

I thought my fWW wasn't tech savvy either. Her affair opened my eyes. Secret email accounts secret facebook accounts. And here I thought she didn't know anything, so I felt safe in my complacency.

After D-Day, you can bet I checked her pay stubs to check for ANY unaccounted time off. Like I said before, I had a coworker who was on leave and pretending to his wife that he was going to work, when in reality, he was meeting OW. He only got busted when his wife called work and asked for him and they told her, "Isn't he on vacation with you?".


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> Two words for you:
> 
> *Burner phone*.
> 
> ...


This is a very good point, as when my WW wanted to hide things from me after DDay, she was distraught and going out of her mind trying to CYA everything, she went and bought another phone at the instance of her friends and mother, as she knew I was watching things (as she had agreed that I could monitor) but didn't want me to *KNOW* everything. I found out that she was borrowing friends phones to make calls (and even asked one to giver her their phone for the day and they wouldn't so she then bought the burner. It takes gall to ask to borrow someone's phone for an entire day and night.).

There is also Google Voice and other ways to text and call that only shows as data and shows up as nothing else (such as Skype, instagram, etc). Heck some (like Petrus and his OW) would log into a secret account, draft an email but never send it, then let the other know through some other method that the email was there. The other would log in read it, delete it, and do the same in a response. Never any history of the emails ever being sent, as they weren't, so everything looked on the up and up. Where there is a will there is a way.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones. I hope so.

Here is the thing for me, you titled your thread "Recently discovered her sexting."

Women USUALLY sext after they are sexually comfortable with someone. Especially if it is a man that they have face-to-face contact with. Most women seek attention/validation and sex is the end result. Most men seek sex, and use the attention/validation toward women to achieve it.

Sexting by her indicates that she is merely reminding/teasing him to keep his attention. If he is "done" with her, he probably achieved his goal.

Generalities for sure.

Your faith in your wife is based on your love for who you perceive your wife to be. Perceptions are often false. Lack of evidence is not proof that your perception is correct. Same goes for mine. We honestly don't know what your wife has done.

Take some time and scroll down through some of the threads on the CWI section. Read the first post from men describing an EA or texting, then find the last page or two and find out what the current results are for them. It will shock you. The VAST majority of women who cheat have done similar things that you discovered your wife doing. They are eventually discovered to have had a PA. Just saying, when the dark clouds roll in, and the thunder roars, it usually rains.

My motive for posting is to protect you from being crushed by a woman who you sincerely love. It happened to me too. It drives me to help guys like you. I get ZERO from spending my time doing it, but it is an obligation I have to myself and God. I would have preferred death than have my wife do what she did to my family. In hindsight, it was a blessing. It makes me realize that a broken life is a great way to appreciate the other gifts we have received. 

The hard part is seeing you or any poster follow the same path. You will live through a betrayal. We all have. You will find yourself and discover that life is not what you believed. It truly is a life-changing experience.

Bottom line, do what you feel is best. Advice is cheap. We don't know you or your wife.

My question is why did you post if you think we all are mistaken? What value is there in debating our opinions? Are you just convincing yourself that your wife is misunderstood? 

No answer needed.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Lordmayhem is correct. I was sitting in the living room with our Golden Retriever and my wife was upstairs. I heard a phone vibrate twice and it was close. My dog started barking. I thought to myself, "that is a phone". I should have looked because I would have found it as it was in the closet in my wife's coat pocket. My wife came downstairs and when I questioned her about hearing a phone, she said, "Oh, that is our son's computer upstairs". She then walked down the hallway into the kitchen. She did this because she did not want me to see her guilty face. 

The next morning I confronted my wife about it as I said "that was a phone and it was in the living room". She said, "no it was the computer upstairs". 

To this day I regret not looking. I thought about it at the time and thought, that is a phone and I should look. A year prior my wife had a sexual EA and used her regular phone and email, that is how I caught it. This time she was having a PA and the XOM had told my wife to buy a burner phone.

My wife also had me buy her a new computer the day her laptop broke. She was at her brother's house watching it while they were on a trip and I came down to Maryland for the weekend to be with her. Their dog was blind and pulled the cord on her laptop and it smashed on the floor. As soon as I arrived, my wife insisted I get her a new one. I told her that she can use her brother's computer and that we can get her laptop repaired. She insisted that I get her a new one. Why? Because she was using it to cheat on me and did not want to use her brother's computer for this. Then she kept reformatting her new computer every week or so. She claimed that the computer had problems and she had to keep resetting it. I remember saying something to my youngest son and he said, "Dad, I had my laptop for three years and only had to do that once". He said, "Dad, this isn't right". That made my son very suspicious and eventually he figured out before me that his mother (my wife) was cheating.

My wife is not very tech savvy, but guess what. The XOM and the internet educated her in hiding things. I found searches for "How to delete history", etc. She was good, not great, but good at hiding things. But that also led to her downfall. Her normal phone revealed where she was. She would call me and our boys when she was with the XOM, and the phone records would show where she made the call.

This stuff drives you nuts. For me I kept digging and digging because I knew my wife was lying. Finally a VAR revealed that she never ended the A.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're doing MC, right?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

DumbDude said:


> She would use the apple 'find my phone' app. Log in with his details and send him a message.


That is ingenious, I'd have never thought of that.

Untraceable.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

troubled 62234 said:


> Sorry, still confused. I don't think I have any need to get current texts, even deleted ones. I would know if she deleted them and it would be an issue. The only thing that would serve is to get them from a few months ago and I've found no way to do that. The backups dont go back that far.


Set it up anyway.

If she does backslide (and they usually do) you'll have more than some deleted timestamps for texts in a phone log.

You'll have the content of those texts.
Much stronger evidence, she can't even try to BS you.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

tacoma said:


> That is ingenious, I'd have never thought of that.
> 
> Untraceable.


If you have the email associated with the AppleID , then you get notification that the device was lot and locked (as that is the only way to send the notification these days, to actually mark the device Lost and lock it remotely). I just tried it on mine and that is how it works now. A little bit of relief for the worried at least.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Facts:
Busted your WW in an intense EA. 
Busted your WW again with same OM while doing marriage counseling. 
Busted your WW sexting with a different OM recently. 

Was the sexting with OM2 during marriage counseling also?
Do you see a pattern here?


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## Mo24 (Feb 18, 2014)

busted 3 times without really trying. imagine how many times she would have been busted if BS didnt think WW was too busy to screw or stupid to know how to hide stuff.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

*deep breath, long sigh*

I hope we're all wrong and OP is right. I really do.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Lovemytruck said:


> Maybe you are one of the lucky ones. I hope so.
> 
> Here is the thing for me, you titled your thread "Recently discovered her sexting."
> 
> ...


A great post. I wish the OP really understood. There seems to be an inevitable learning curve with this. Our minds just don't want to go there. We want to believe that our loved ones just wouldn't hurt us like that. I think it's the unusual posters like Shamwow and bff who listen and act quickly based on the experience of the others here.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> A great post. I wish the OP really understood. There seems to be an inevitable learning curve with this. Our minds just don't want to go there. We want to believe that our loved ones just wouldn't hurt us like that. I think it's the unusual posters like Shamwow and bff who listen and act quickly based on the experience of the others here.


Thank you my dear friend alte Dame. I highly value your opinions. Maybe something the OP said made me feel connected to him. I lurked for over a year as my life fell apart while I was in denial about my exWW's affair. I don't like being so direct when a poster is hurting, but it feels like my own train wreck happening again. The part that makes me feel for him is that he is a victim of his own goodness. Life is not fair, and he is still learning it the worst way possible.

Trouble, 

It really does suck when you find out your spouse does not love you the way you love them. I feel for you.

I may have projected too much from my own experience. It takes many of us months/years of deep soul searching to realize that we married a spouse who does not value marriage they same way we did.

Let us know how it goes. Bless your broken heart.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

I wish my wife would sext someone... it would show she has some sort of interest in sex...


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