# Is it the Porn??



## rainydayismusic (Jan 27, 2012)

All the Romance Advice I've tried over and over is still continuing to wind up a BIG FAT REJECTION! The usual advice, 'Oh give him a long kiss before he leaves for work, Walk around in your underwear, be cheerful, giggle, laugh and flirt...Well, guess what? He looks past me as I walk by like I'm not there... No matter how great the day or week was, or how sweet and agreeable, No Sex, None. I'm a ghost in my own house....Three years ago, after being married for three, I found a huge stash of pornography, with a portable dvd player, dvd's and magazines that he travels with during work....Yeah, awhile later I told him that I forgive him and that we'll always be committed and continue raising our kids together...even though its VERY difficult living with that reality..Divorce not being an option for either one of us, why would any man or husband want to continue on with things like this? Even though I'm the one who was so traumatized by this and have tried to keep the spark alive, why am the one doing all the work? Did he give up on me, so he could have his porn instead? I've never been so sad and heartbroken in my whole life....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why is divorce not an option??


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Be careful when destroying DVD's, they can fragment and slice your hand, or worse, pierce an eye. So always use eye protection and a hammer or sturdy gloves to do the job.

I heard it's abusive to destroy things that belong to someone else.
But since my stbxh decided to destroy my sex life by lying to me about another woman (or two), I figured it would be fair game to destroy his. I realize this is probably bad advice, but those things cost a lot of money, and there are favorites, and it's kind of like finding another woman right in your own home. When the competition is not going to fight back, I think striking while enraged is a good defense. How sad is that, I really had no self control back in those days. But when you are trying to stay in a marriage, anger finds an outlet...path of least resistance.


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## rainydayismusic (Jan 27, 2012)

I've had five seperate run-ins with his "fake lady friends" and they were tossed of course... had no regrets halving dvd's with naked women on them, believe me...This was something I specificly asked him while we were dating and he said, 'I never much cared for that stuff'..Turns out, he's been doing it since he was 12.....Lie..Now he's embarrased, but why no desire for change? He knew I hated it before we got married... Why no divorce? Because we both have said we still love eachother and want our kids to grow up with their mom and dad..And he loves his kids and can't bear hurting them, but I don't exsist in his world anymore, and I am certainly no longer a Woman to him, I'm 'The Mom'....Ouch, that hurts to say...


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## Spock (Jan 26, 2012)

Your husband is a porn addict and will not improve unless he gets counseling, either in person or on an online addiction forum. He will need to acknowledge the problem and be sincere in trying to combat it.

Did he grow up in a strict household by any chance?


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## rainydayismusic (Jan 27, 2012)

No, not strict, but his father left him and his mom when he was 2, and never contacted him again... Yeah, i guess I'm supposed to be ok with it cause he had a hurt-filled childhood..With a jerk-of-a-stepdad too, who left his porn out for his kids to find..I know men love to look at other women's body's, and by the way, I'm not insecure about my body either, but am I supposed to go on completely ignored by the man that I still love cause he'd rather have his orgasm alone?


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## Spock (Jan 26, 2012)

You are not supposed to go on like that. Make it amply obvious to him that something will give if he does not seriously and sincerely start addressing his problem ASAP. The first step to solving any problem is recognizing and acknowledging that you have a problem and that it is a deal breaker for your spouse. Tell him you will have to take steps to enable you to separate from him (like getting a job etc.) if he does not start facing his demons.


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## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

rainydayismusic,
Honestly, I would film myself masturbating for the husband and replace the porn dvd's with that so when he goes for them he finds your custom dvd with writing on it "Watch me"

If this fails to get a positive reaction, you may need to consider a divorce.....


...... I just don't see him worth it if that plan fails. The kids will get over it.


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