# My Dad stepped in and told my husband off.



## Rachel- (Aug 21, 2011)

I have been separated over 2 months, nearly 3.
My husband and I still live together,he sleeps upstairs.
I found out he paid some paternity tests with credit card.
I thought it could have been for the 2 daughters from previous marriage but after a big fight he admitted he did it for our 2 little girls.
I am feeling betrayed and my trust for him is gone. He probably never had trust in me. He is controlling, over critical and possessive, I can't move without him knowing exactly where and what I'm doing and for how long, or get phone calls if i'm 10 minutes late.

I will turn the big 40 this month and a bit down for that, he made a lough out of it and than pretended it was because I don't look my age.
As he is over 20 years older than me he was probably looking forward for me to finally look my age.

Things are really going dawn the drain.
I feel really lonely, sad and isolated but still I have to put my best smile to make my little girls happy.

I finally gave the ok to my dad to write to him to let him know I'm not really alone even though all my family lives in Italy and have nobody near me I can turn to.
He has always been taking advantage of it, knowing I would have eventually turn back to him.
He almost never said sorry, I always did in some cases I shouldn't have to because it was his fault but in order to make up an "be happy again" I compromised a lot and now I can't put up with him insulting me like this any longer.

I hope all this hurting inside one day will stop and that tonight I will be able to sleep a little bit more.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

My H used to be that way...extremely controlling, suspicious, etc. After a many years of arguing, abuse, separation he took some classes last year which dealt with anger management, how to treat women,etc. he has really changed and I can see a big difference. I highly recommend this if he is willing.
Why on earth would he think that he may not be the father of your two children?
Wonder what his reaction was when he got the letter from your Dad?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Forgive me if I don't understand the situation, but I really wouldn't count on any long term changes in your husband just because your father in Italy sends a letter to to your husband in Australia. I think more important is for YOU to realize you have support and options, and that you don't have to put up his garbage anymore. But your father can't fix things from 5000 miles away... You have to do that.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Papa can have the letter delivered by 2 burly guys with dark sunglasses. They talk to the husband privately somewhere secluded.

Would that work?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

aug said:


> Papa can have the letter delivered by 2 burly guys with dark sunglasses. They talk to the husband privately somewhere secluded.
> 
> Would that work?


. That might be a more effective way to deliver the message...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

Rachel,
I replied on your other thread again but thought I would reply here as well.

You are being abused dear, it's highly unlikely that your husband will change. Abusive men don't. The options you have are to call an abuse hotline and let them guide you and help or ask your family with help in leaving him or continue to hope for change by doing nothing but if you do nothing, nothing will change. I realize you feel powerless but you've got to do something. You need help to get your power back and to get strong and get away from him, please reach out for it as the people on the forum can give you feedback but they can't change things for you, you have to take the steps yourself.


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## Rachel- (Aug 21, 2011)

Pbear,
of course I'm aware that my husband will never change, unless he realises that he is wrong sometimes...so as I was saying...he will never change!!!
I needed some support to show as he wants me to look as the unreasonable one, the stupid, crazy, "it's all in your mind" he told me in a letter few days ago.
And although I know I don't need to show somebody else who I am but just be me, as he is the only one around me, sometime it can become really esasperating having to live with someone that puts you down and turn everything you say and do against you.
I needed my parents to show him that they love me and they know me, they know I am an honest person and that he can say whatever he wants but lots of other people know who I am, even though they are miles away.
Maybe I have appeared to be childish but I'm only deeply hurted and in real grief for what has happened in my relationship and I don't think he doesn't even realise that, he is too much involved in playing the "young detective" and busy finding somebody else to blame instead on focusing on his problems.

Yes Southermagnolia,
I feel as I have been abused for long time.
Thank you very much for your posts!!! I will contact somebody that can help me trough all this because you are all right, I have to act, he is not going to change, he might try to and I had believed he had changed a little in the past, but as soon we get back together, he starts all over again. He even gets crossed for the way I organise the girls clothing drawers...and he had the courage in all this to tell me that I look a little paranoid to him...he really drives me crazy.

To AUG,
you really made me laugh, thanks for that...you even know a little italian, "Papa"...:lol:
You were picturing one of this mafia movie...but I come from Rome, we fight a lot for the good old principles and we are fan of our food as everybody knows  

Thank you all, your support means a lot to me, it gets me trough these difficult days 

Since my Dad email we haven't spoken at all, we do all the things in the house separately as the other one wasn't even there.
I cannot believe this is happening for real 
And at the end of every day I say : another day behind us.
I still can't look in the future, it's too hard.


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