# Seems like a lot more woman lately



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

It used to be that the guys were the cheaters. Now it seems like according to this board the WW are taking over. That's what happens when you have those Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy worlds getting into their heads.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

And how do you explain the ones who didn't see 50 Shades? Those who don't watch those kinds of things? Women like me? I think that women were cheating before... it just wasn't talked about as much.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And how do you explain the ones who didn't see 50 Shades? Those who don't watch those kinds of things? Women like me? I think that women were cheating before... it just wasn't talked about as much.


:iagree:

My ex cheated before the book came out.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

There are multiple variables that could explain this. Feminism and the cultural shift is one. Anther is that its even steven in cheating but men are more prone to seeking online help. 

Perhaps men are on average better at compartmentalizing and having simple ONS affairs in outside circles without giving any indication to wife. Meaning that women are more likely to "fall in love" and be deluded by it all making them more obvious and easier to catch. ?? Could be wrong on this. Just conjecture

There could be other factors. Tough to say.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

But I am new to this forum and yes I got that sense right away as well. Majority of threads were husbands seeking help about their WW


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Women in general seem to have better support systems when it comes to cheating husbands. If a man has a cheating wife he's not going to go crying to his buddies.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Nah. This is another excuse. I know that many of my friends would try self-help books before coming to an internet support group. Some would feel they would be judged (and rightfully so if they were in the fog).

Myself, I cheated with my AP before this book came out. I read it, but I couldn't get into it. The book became no more than a blip on my radar.


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## peterwilli (Aug 29, 2012)

There are multiple variables that could explain this


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Because they can? Whereas in the past, women have depended on men for their financial security. That is no longer the case. Women now have eucations, high paying jobs, etc. So they are not dependant on men any more. 

That's just a simple, partial thought. My anti anxiety med kicked in so I can't keep a thought process going.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And how do you explain the ones who didn't see 50 Shades? Those who don't watch those kinds of things? Women like me? I think that women were cheating before... it just wasn't talked about as much.


My CW just read the whole trilogy in a week. Hasn't told me anything about it except it's full of sex and romance, and is supposed to bring a marriage back to life.

So I assume there's a sh!tload of infidelity in them? F'n great!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Many reasons no doubt.

But in parallel with the acceptance for women having much more premarital sex ( not judging ) it is more acceptable for women to have extramarital sex than it was years ago. More you go girl. More entitlement. More rationalization that all men have been doing this so its only fair kinda stuff. There is flat a lot of resentment playing out it seems.

I am not saying this is a large number but enough to make a difference.

More importantly though are finances. Women having their own money means they can be more open about the affairs they have always had. They also are freer to just indulge because they really do not need the man financially as they once did.

Again I am saying this is some portion of the change over the past 60 years.

But how much is due to men changing their attitudes? Men seem to have become very accepting of all sorts of marginal activities that increase the openess in their marriages.

Add to this just how easy it is for people to have affairs now. 

There are no real legal penalties for infidelity.

Also it used to be acceptable for a husband to take out his feelings on a male predator. Now people treat male predators like they have every right to seduce mrried women. My pointnis that years ago a man approaching a mrried woman was at risk. Now it seems the husband is at risk.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Like said before, many variables...
I tend to believe there was always about the same amount of women cheaters... Just that many years ago... Women had the home field advantage... Guys played on the away field... Guys did not know the lay of home life, being at work all day, there was little account for wives time at home... But, because women did go out shopping they met more people outside, knew the restaurants, it wasn't hard for a guy to get caught by chance if he was cheating...
But now, in this past decade, as tech evolved... Women are loving it more, possibly for personal reasons, guys adapt for business reasons... But in that, guys do tend to be a little more on the tech savvy side... Women not aware of what precaution to take are getting caught at what seems record speed...
But hey, that's only one of many variables...


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Google Briffault's Law... just sayin'.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

sandc said:


> Women in general seem to have better support systems when it comes to cheating husbands. If a man has a cheating wife he's not going to go crying to his buddies.


That was actually a source of pain for me. The fact that, after the original explaination of why I called off the wedding, I had to laugh it off; joke about it with the boys. Meanwhile she gets this support network including two of her friends who had been cheated-on themselves.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Labcoat said:


> That was actually a source of pain for me. The fact that, after the original explaination of why I called off the wedding, I had to laugh it off; joke about it with the boys. Meanwhile she gets this support network including two of her friends who had been cheated-on themselves.


Right so what do the men do? Try to figure it out without involving friends. The lucky ones find this place.


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## Kathy Jackson (Aug 29, 2012)

I'm new here and I'm actually surprised on 2 accounts.

A) that women are cheating and discussing it online
B) that men are being cheated on and discussing it online

Women have always cheated, probably at the same rates as men, we are just probably more secretive and less likely to reach out. Just my opinion.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

well, think about it this way. when it comes to adultery its 50/50. everytime a man cheats, he's cheating with a woman. excluding gays and the ones that dont know he's married (likely small %). 

And vice versa. So I can agree that yes, women were always cheating just as much in the past but maybe just not as much once THEY were married (as it would risk too much: their security). All thats changed now with no fault divorce, better employment, relaxed social sanctions, etc..


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

There's likely to be more male serial cheaters than female, so pure numbers might indicate that women cheat than men.


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## theOTHERman (Aug 30, 2012)

50 shades of grey is a book suited to people who live in a box and their world is viewed on a tv screen.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

every few months or so someone likes to point this out, so last time it happened I went and counted all of the threads on the front page of CWI. I ignored discussion threads and tried my best to combine multiple threads from the same poster. The results were a 50/50 split of female cheaters vs male cheaters (it was something like 35/34 women cheaters being the additional one) but the disparity of replies was very unbalanced. Female cheating threads got over thrice that of male cheater threads.

so once again I counted the threads just 10 minutes ago and got the following:

31 threads with male cheaters with 42.5 average amount of replies
33 threads with female cheaters with 168.7 average amount of replies

again almost a 50/50 split with a slight edge to female cheaters (I counted the Butlins weekend guy as female cheating but now that can go in either category) and now it's almost quadruple number of replies for female cheating threads over the male cheating threads. Granted bff and two other high traffic threads skew this, but there are several male cheater threads that have under 10 replies as well.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and yes I need a new hobby


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Studies support This observation that more women are cheating than in the past.

Studies show 75 percent of woman are filing for divorce. 

I thought because men cheated on them, but it's really because more women are cheating, too. 

There has been a sharp increase in both men and women cheating since the internet. But the sharpest increase is among women in their 30s and 50s. 

Porn and sex addictions for both men and women due to easy access to really sleazy porn videos and even live online interactions have been postulated to be at the root of the increase.

Porn is addictive, particularly the really really raunchy kind, and it ruins your interest in normal or even adventurous sex. 

I found a portable hard drive with porn videos the OW had sent my STBEH during their affair. I found it, after he moved out. 

The vacuum sucked up the attached landyard. 

The OW also sent videos of herself. I couldn't believe the stuff she was doing. I mean my jaw was on the floor. What a pig.

Also, base on the emails and texts, she was into girl girl stuff, getting lap dance from other women, and even invited my STBEH to a sex club.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Vegemite said:


> My CW just read the whole trilogy in a week. Hasn't told me anything about it except it's full of sex and romance, and is supposed to bring a marriage back to life.
> 
> So I assume there's a sh!tload of infidelity in them? F'n great!



No, no infidelity. I barely made it through the first book and the 2nd one made me want to puke. It is violent pornopgrphy. And im no victorian lady prude. 

I didnt bother with book 3. I burned all 3 in my firepit, which for me, who holds books as something sacred, was a big deal. First time i have ever burned a book, or even thrown one away. 

I know a lot of women love them, but i thought they were gross. 

I cant even describe the crap on here or it would get deleted or i would get banned. And some pretty explicit sex talk happens here. Thats how bad it is....

Just my opinion. If any of you liked them, each to their own.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> Because they can? Whereas in the past, women have depended on men for their financial security. That is no longer the case. *Women now have eucations, high paying jobs, etc.* So they are not dependant on men any more.
> 
> That's just a simple, partial thought. My anti anxiety med kicked in so I can't keep a thought process going.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*but lost their morality.*.....:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

sandc said:


> Women in general seem to have better support systems when it comes to cheating husbands. If a man has a cheating wife he's not going to go crying to his buddies.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

In terms of women filing for divorce more often, I think in a lot of cases like mine where there is no cheating, the man doesn't want to be married but doesn't want to divorce. A lot of men would rather stay in limbo in a bad marriage than to go through the hardship of divorce. And let's face it, the majority of divorced dads pay child support and/or alimony. I'm pretty sure that is why my ex wouldn't work on the marriage (indeed he sabotaged it on a daily basis) but didn't want to divorce either. 
I don't understand how anyone can cheat. I just see a lot of really selfish immature women making horrible decisions because they think they are being strong and independent. That is not feminism! That is selfishness. It's sad how many women are convinced that if they aren't perfectly happy in their life it's ok to cheat because they deserve it. 
But then again our whole culture revolves around our right to be happy, doesn't it? We are taught to always go for the next biggest best brightest thing. 
One of my friends is convinced that the bridal industry has a huge impact on this. Because women just want THEIR day, not a marriage. And then they end up divorcing and spending more money on their next wedding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

This...:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It is all about selfishness...mistaken for independence.

There is not much of a down side to cheating for a lot of women these days. They can cheat and still be rewarded with cash, prizes and parting gifts when the BH divorces them. They feel justified to receive this as if they earned it...entitlement. No fault divorce was enacted to help women who were divorced by their husbands and left starving in the streets but now it is looked upon as a safety net for bad behavior. Most will just lie to friends and family about what really destroyed their marriage...blame shifting and damage control.

The understanding that life is about their happiness has been ingrained into them...it is part of their DNA now. The media is showing/telling them that they are not happy and gives them unrealistic expectations of marriage and relationships. They feel entitled to the happiness that alludes them. The sad part is the happiness they want is within them to be discovered...not external. 

The other sadly lacking quality within them is integrity. Many don't seem to feel the personal shame of cheating or being dishonest. It used to be that you were looked down upon from society...not any more. It has become much more acceptable and not looked upon as lowering the value of the women as a cheater.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I am a combat vet and i went almost crying to my buddies and friends and got great support. My wife ran for suport and ended up with her nutty sister and a GF from over 30 years ago. They are her support group and only because they agreed that I caused her A. Everyone else that she ran too after D-day held her accountable and she did not want that. She wanted everyone to tell her that her A was my fault and only two did not buy that bull.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

With my husband's ex, it is fairly obvious she had been shopping for his replacement for months. He got upset about her partying and she said he was being controlling. So after they agreed to separate and live in the same house and she started openly sleeping around, she told everyone that she wanted a divorce because he was being controlling. 
She disappeared with a guy she met at a bar for 45 minutes, leaving her friend alone there. Came back and told her friend they just talked. This was before they agreed to separate. 
My husband didn't want any of this. But now he doesn't get to see his kids every day and pays a third of his income to her. 
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that she was so stupid to let him go but I don't think people should be rewarded for cheating like that. 
I don't know what the answer is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I wanted to further elaborate on my comments above

Back in the 1940's my grandmother divorced my grandfather. He was a physically abusive, alcoholic and a womanizer. She had every right to divorce him…it was completely justified. She worked hard and raised her 2 daughters without any spousal or child support. She did not choose to cheat on him. She was shunned from her local society and lost some friends because of her decision to divorce. She was not even welcome to attend the church that she had been going to for decades. Divorce was not something that was taken lightly and was frowned upon. She gave up any security when she made this decision. Honoring commitments, vows and promises were a measure of the true person at that time. Back then, married couples relied on each other for their very survival and the survival of their children as well. They worked as a team. There is much less of this spirit required to survive in our modern day society with all of the built in safety nets.

The same is not so true today. While many divorces are justified, an increasing number are frivolous…because someone just stopped trying. Today if a woman is married to a good, devoted, honest and hardworking man…it doesn't seem to be valued as much. I have read too many times where the WW was bored or the marriage lacked excitement so they felt entitled to find what was missing somewhere else instead of putting on the effort to fix what was broke. Remember, we live in a disposable society. It used to be "when it's broke…fix it". Now we simply buy a new one and dispose of the old one. 

Love evolves and changes over time…it grows up. The selfishness of a lot of modern women allows them to disregard the mature love in a long term marriage in favor of the fun, excitement and passion of a new relationship. This is what the media has shown them…glamorized it and made it almost aspirational. Cheating and affairs have become an acceptable alternative to working together on fixing or maintaining a marriage. Simply put, they are cake eaters that are unwilling to give up anything...they want it all. The comforts of home, security, family and the excitement of their OM on the side....pure selfishness. This is being supported by the divorce laws that have been adapted…no fault. 

There are more women in the work force then ever before. They are coming in contact with more men on a daily basis. The law of averages says the more men they meet…the better the chances of them meeting someone they are attracted to…and it leading to an affair. There income has risen sharply as well. Some no longer depend on the man financial support. There is nothing wrong with this change in income power but for selfish reasons some women lose respect the men they vowed to love, honor, and respect…through good times and bad, sickness and in health, till death due them part....because they make more $ then them. The basic problem is integrity…or lack there of…sad. 

Add to this the proliferation of modern communication, in all of its forms. Women by nature are emotional and attracted to thoughts, words, conversation and feelings. Decades ago, a women would have physically go out and by chance, meet a suitable OM and spend time with him in order to develop these feelings of infatuation. Now it is as easy as facebook…no reason to leave the comforts of your own home. They can also maintain almost constant communication, undetected, with a smart phone. No need to write and send letters any more. The ease of today's communication plays towards the attraction of women. Men are still visual creatures. We need to see them. I personally know 2 WW's that left their perfectly good husbands in pursuit of men they met over the internet…one of them was sight unseen!

I also believe that women are better at hiding their affairs then men. As men, we are not as in touch with the subtleties of emotional distance and body language as women. Women are much quicker to pick up on changes in men's attitudes and behavior. From what I've read most men discover their WW's affairs from finding text messages on their phones or left open browsers on computers. Before these communication devices were around they would have to physically catch them in the act. As technology keeps progressing, cheaters will find more ways to cheat. Hopefully devoted, honest husbands will also find more ways to catch them. That being said...more WW's are getting caught then before.

As men we tend to trust our wives. They are the weaker sex physically, the mothers of our children and the ones that we protect. I, at least, viewed my STBXWW's emotional distance and lack of interest in sex as she was just not as sexual as I was or our marriage was evolving somehow. Even though I tried to talk to her countless times about how I was feeling, she denied there was any thing wrong with us. It was simply unthinkable that the reason was because of an OM….so I simply did not consider it...until I stumbled across our cell phone records. 

Sorry…a little wordy.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I know, I have a hard time with women who want a divorce because it's not exciting anymore. I went through hell with my ex for years trying to get him help, working on me, trying to get him into counseling, and even after I knew I had no respect or hope of love or even friendship left for him and I knew my daughter shouldn't be exposed to his outbursts and emotional craziness, install took him back. Because I wanted to be able to tell her when she got older that I gave it everything I had. 
Then I have family and friends who leave their spouses for seemingly no reason. We can never really know what is going on in someone else's marriage but it's hard not to judge. 
and then we see people on here who are being abused and cheated on who just won't leave no matter what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

It is more about society in its entirety. Someone filing BK, losing their home, being gay, premarital sex and affairs would be subject to ridicule and embarrassment in the past. Not today everything is acceptable that is what we see on TV read in the newspapers and teach our kids. We are supposed to be excepting of all. So what is the big deal having an affair right.

It also has to do with more women in the work place. Which leads to more opportunities to meet that POS.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Women cheat just as much as men. It's just that they are better at hiding it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Women cheat just as much as men. It's just that they are better at hiding it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Disagree. In fact Id say the oposite. Men can more easily have sex with OW, come home and cheerily bang his wife with complete love. 

Women on the other hand seem to build a contempt and disdain for their husbands when they fall for the OM. Perhaps to justify what they are doing? Perhaps theres biology working there? This always sets off warning bells of some kind with Husb and eventually leads to her outting. Been a consistent theme in dozens of threads Ive read for BHs and WW's.


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## GotMeWonderingNow (May 31, 2012)

Vegemite said:


> So I assume there's a sh!tload of infidelity in them? F'n great!


Yeah pretty much. I found my WW talking to OM on FB about this book. Later on when I asked her about it she said it was a book about vampires. I said "Oh, so it's not a book about sex, BSDm and affairs then, like the rest of the world claims?". And she STILL to this day claims she thought it was vampires.


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