# Husband initiated separation, living with mother who hates me



## xHNYB (10 mo ago)

My husband and I have been together for 17 years (since I was 15 years old) and have several children together. His mother has hated me from day one no matter what I ever did to try to make her like me. She bullied me as a teenager and has moved to spreading awful lies about me and the way I treat her son etc to their family in the later years. My husbands was and is easily manipulated by his mother and she almost never has his best interest at heart. I mean that 100%, any mother who would encourage their child to be on drugs to benefit herself isn’t a mother. All I have ever done was try to help him see his potential and be great in life. Yet she hates me and will manipulate him into a whole fight with me about something I didn’t even know was a thing.. She has no relationship with my children by choice, and we’ve had experiences in the past when I went against my better judgement and allowed my kids to be watched by her etc that have aided in the decision that my children shouldn’t be left without a parent around her. Most of my children are old enough to vocalize they’re likes and dislikes etc and they choose to not go over there for long visits and will not stay without a parent. So my husband staying there will definitely cause a rift between himself and the children, being as I grew up without my father I know the outcome that’s possible and I don’t want that for my children. My biggest fear is that she will aid in this turning into a divorce rather than a healing process for our marriage. I’m uncomfortable with this separation for that reason alone. Is it healthy for my husband to stay with a person who hates me during a separation?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

There is no such thing as being apart to help you come together. Separation is the start of the finish in my opinion… otherwise why even separate? The only reason would be to test drive other possible mates.

You seem to hate your MIL more than the idea of divorce. All I can say is you better get used to it because divorce means you no longer get an opinion in 50% of the decisions…..


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

xHNYB said:


> Is it healthy for my husband to stay with a person who hates me during a separation?


Your husband is all you have ever known so this is very frightening but it may be a blessing in disguise. Hubby never cut the apron strings. This separation is allowing your MIL to reinforce those strings. Your husband doesn't want to leave mommy; he never did & therein lies the crux of your marital problems. 

Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Call a lawyer & move forward with a divorce. Your kids need to get this shrew out of their lives but do what you can to preserve their relationship with dad.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's a terrible idea for him to be living with such an awful person. She will be turning him against you all the time.
If you must separate, can't he get a small apartment maybe? 
Personally your marriage would do a lot better if you all moved right away from her.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Separation is often the first step to divorce, not reconciling. People very frequently use that time to try others out. She would probably encourage your husband to do that since she doesn’t like you. Not a good situation all around.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jesus.

Do you REALLY want to be married to some ball-less little man-child who has to run home to mommy to lick his wounds?

First of all, STOP blaming mommy for *his* bad choices. How the hell old does someone have to be before you can't blame their mommy anymore for their idiotic behavior and bad choices? Seriously - how old does this clown have to be before you stop blaming his mother for HIS choice to go running over to his mother's to stay while causing a rift with his kids for not seeing them? And how old does he have to before you stop blaming his mother for HIS possible decision to divorce?

Stop blaming his mother for everything. He's a grown-ass MAN and if he's incapable of acting like a grownup and making grownup choices for his own betterment and the betterment of his family, then honestly? You ain't losing much if he chooses to stay with mommy.

Something tells me this fool has never changed his own bed, scrubbed a toilet, cooked a real meal or done a load of laundry in his lie. He went right from his mommy to his new mommy. Ugh. You're dealing with a damned *CHILD.*


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Of course you knew him well enough before you were married. You knew how he was and you married him anyway. Why did you do that?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Everyone makes mistakes, OP. Everyone gets high off hopium and does things that cause issues in their lives.

What's important is what you do NEXT. You can't change the past. But you need to see this for what it truly is and shore up the inner strength to make the hard choices. It will suck for a while, but the future of your children and YOUR future are well worth it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

OP you really describe a pretty dire situation here.

Why the separation with H?

Assuming there were no horrible acts, get back together with H asap!
Separation is prep for divorce, not healing a marriage.
MIL must go. Move away to somewhere else or set your hard boundaries with her and enforce them.
Hubby must support you in this. He should be taking the lead and protecting you & marriage from mommy but some losers men are not up to that task.

If those things can’t be achieved then I don’t see a good ending here.

And no it is not healthy for H to stay with toxic mommy at all.


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## xHNYB (10 mo ago)

Diceplayer said:


> Of course you knew him well enough before you were married. You knew how he was and you married him anyway. Why did you do that?


Stupidity i guess.. lack of self worth, lack of self love… etc. I was 15 when I met him, so he’s all I’ve ever known. It gets pretty tiring being blamed for all his wrong doings, having to fight SOMETHING for him for 17 years… especially when I realize I don’t know the hell is worth fighting for. It’s more a fear of something new/change than anything else when I look the bigger picture.. Because there’s definitely not much else there. I bust my ass working a manual labor job to provide and at time I was the sole provider even though he worked as well. Sooo yeah.


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