# Confused and Hurting



## MissL (Nov 30, 2013)

I have been with my husband for 9 years. We have been married for almost 5 years and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. The beginning of our relationship was a passionate one, we were infatuated with each other and things moved rather fast. We have had many ups and downs (too many to discuss in short). We have had financial difficulties, family issues, and our own personal struggles. He is a good provider and husband, I have been a SAHM for the past 3 years and I am looking to go back to work, one of the hardest things is that my husband travels often, sometimes every week. We are close and best friends and I know that I love him and that he loves me, which makes this especially hard. A few months ago I began to speak with a mutual friend of ours, mostly online, it began very platonic and he has been a very close confidant and friend to me. He has never once tried to come on to me and we have shared intimate details of our lives to each other. Both trying to do the right thing we stayed platonic but decided to go out to dinner and chat. The chemistry between us was undeniable. Unlike any other pull I've ever had toward anyone, only it wasn't physical. We did kiss which hurt us both and created guilt but mostly we have a pull that is unlike one that I had with my husband. It is a deep friendship and the feelings are much deeper than the infatuation I had when I first met my husband. This other man and I have decided to halt our friendship at this time to avoid a catastrophe.....which is the right thing. With that being said, I have tried over and over to talk to my husband about our problems and we may be going to counseling. With all of that all I feel everyday for the past week is heartache and loss...loss in realizing that I could love somebody else, loss that I honestly don't know that my husband is my soul mate. I don't want to hurt my family but I believe that I am supposed to be with this other man. I have no place to go to even get space and I don't want anyone to get hurt. This is not fair for my husband that I am sitting here and all I want is to be someplace else. I am faced with not wanting to hurt my family but also facing the rest of my life thinking I should be with someone else. I am at a loss. Has anyone else been through this? I don't have answers.....


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

Did you tell your husband already? He may just put you out on the street when he finds out and you wouldn't have to worry about not having the other man. You need honesty and counseling not sympathy for wanting to cheat on your husband, who I assume thinks that you two love each other and that you have his back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

So when the going gets tough the tough have an emotional affair? You need to read more about infidelity, a lot more. Your head is in an affair fog and your about to ruin your marriage over endorphines. That is all it is. Your living in a fantasy and if your OM is cheating too you have 90% chance of failure with him, or your being prayed upon by someone telling you everything you want to hear because you've told him everything bad about your marriage. It's rather easy to tell a person you are everything they want if you tell them everything your spouse is lacking.
If you want to divorce, leave and be honest with your husband. Don't lie. Tell him about your emotional affair and try to fix your marriage. If you stay and continue to talk to OM your only being a cake eater and breaking your family's heart. It's not fair to do that unless your both ok with it and you know its not. 

If your going to continue with the OM, leave now and tell your husband your leaving. Be honest.
If you stay get into councilling today. Your already confused because you feel like your in love with another man. You have already damaged the marriage and it needs to fixed. You can fix it and reconcilliation is possible if you are totally honest. Best of luck to you and I hope you pull your head out of your ass as soon as possible.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Wow, quite an issue. You have no job, money, or many options. Will the OM take you in. You did this to yourself. You owe it to hubby to be honest here. You are wrecking your family and home life because of a kiss?? Really, come on now. Perhaps there is more involved here??


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Just pointing out to you that your endorphines are making you act funny. You did this very same thing with your husband when you first met. 
You and husband:


> *The beginning of our relationship was a passionate one, we were infatuated with each other and things moved rather fast.*


You and your OM:


> *A few months ago* I began to speak with a mutual friend of ours, mostly online, it began very platonic and he has been a very close confidant and friend to me.


You may have rushed into your relatsionship with your husband but you are doing the same thing with the OM. Take a deep breath and look at what your doing before you do something you can't repair. You obviously act quickly and impulsively.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

MissL
Run away from this mutual friend. He is not a mutual friend. A mutual friend would NEVER come in between a husband and wife's relationship.

I am afraid for your future. I am afraid you will go in the "fog" and keep on with this affair. Affairs are devastating, think about your husband and child.
Would you like it if your husband would do that to you?
Please stick around and go over to the coping with infidelity section. Read there. Get your head straight
Good luck


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Kolors said:


> Did you tell your husband already? He may just put you out on the street when he finds out


He doesn't have the legal authority to do that. 

In fact, if she cheated on him, and she is the primary caregiver, and they ultimately separate, he'd likely be the one who is evicted.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

You are on such a dark path young lady

Come to your sences before you destroy everything you both worked for

100% truthful communication with your husband now

This OM is not the lifeline to happiness you think he is.

Read thread after thread and you will se an undeniable pattern of

pain and suffering enjoyed by all at the hands of a WS (That would be you)

Do you want / need that on your conscience

Get Out Of The Fog


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

just got it 55 said:


> You are on such a dark path young lady
> 
> Come to your sences before you destroy everything you both worked for
> 
> ...


Yes I could not agree more. Pull your head from your $ss and wake up. You are wrecking it all. My wife is in a fog too. Read my posts. You will see what I mean. This OM will pump you and dump you.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You have broken off the affair. You need to book MC. There you can tell your husband about your failure. Honesty will set you free but transfer the pain to your husband. You will have work hard to renew your marriage.

If he cannot accept what happened, you will divorce and this special person may or may not be important.

Good luck

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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