# Wife's masturbation



## Bottled Up

Ladies, need some insight here please. I woke up in bed early this morning unbeknowngst to my wife because I didn't actually move around as I woke up I just kind of woke up laying still. I had my back to my wife too. Well low and behold I swear I felt her very subtly start masturbating next to me... I am sure of it. 

My wife has denied in the past that she masturbates when I've asked her and I always suspected she was lying and just embarrassed about talking about it. So now I know she does, and I'm so glad to know now. But I'm a little hurt at the same time because I've told her before that if she's ever in the mood for lovin' and even if it's early morning then I want her to reach over and grab me. Well she didn't. She knows how much I want her all the time so this kind of hurts me a little.

Am I over sensitive or overreacting here???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall

yes you are overreacting. Unless she is witholding sex from you then your reaction would be on point. 

Next time you catch this act start masturbating yourself. Don't say a thing just do it and see what transpires. You may find she was ashamed by it but your actions may make her feel better about it.


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## Bottled Up

No she's not withholding sex from me, and I'm even ok with the concept of her masturbating. Hell I've been open with her in the past about my masturbation and that most guys do it, but she has never been open with me about herself doing it.

I would completely understand if I wasn't around at a certain opportunity and she needed some pleasure, but I don't understand why she would need to please herself if I'm laying right there next to her at her disposal. Especially since only a couple of weeks ago I specifically told her that even if I was asleep and it was early morning that I want her to wake me up.

Kinda struggling understanding this one.


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## Enchantment

Are you *sure* she was really masturbating? Just seems odd that someone who is so reticent and uptight about it would be able to do it in the bed with you right there presumably asleep, and able to wake up at any moment.

Well, sometimes people masturbate because it is easier for them ... they may want a quick release without all of the hassle of arousal and intercourse. And some people have ideas that masturbation is not something you involve someone else in.

My H and I had a talk about our feelings regarding masturbation a long time ago ... during the early years of our marriage. We agreed to let each other have first dibs, if possible (e.g., if we are both physically present). If you haven't had this kind of talk, then you should to see if you can come to some kind of agreement.

And, as far as this incident ... I don't know if I would mention it specifically, but you could talk in generalities ... and since it sounds like you have told her you would be willing to participate if she was, then you'll have to see if she truly is ... and if this happens again, don't lay there like a dead dog wondering and wishing ... move around, roll over to her ... "good morning sunshine!" Maybe she just CAN"T initiate these kinds of things ... but YOU can. What if she were waiting for you to wake up and take charge? You won't know unless you try, I guess. 

Best wishes.


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## ScaredandUnsure

Are you sure she was awake? I've woken up several times masturbating and having orgasms while having erotic dreams.


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## Bottled Up

I'm as *sure* as I can be without actually seeing her doing it. I heard her look at the iPhone like she was checking the time and then put the phone back down (she woke up before her alarm went off). Then after a few moments I felt a very subtle and occasional soft movement of the sheets against my body, like her hand motion might have been occasionally catching the sheet and making the slightest of vibration from her hand touching it. 

This happened for a few minutes, then she very slightly adjusted her body for a moment which to me must have been preparing herself for the orgasm finish. A few more movements in this new position but she was so silent I didn't hear any panting type of breathing from her, and only one single long breath after what I assume was her release of breath after her "finish".

Then I heard and felt more distinct hand movement which must have been her removing her hand from her pants. She picked up her phone again, looked at it for a few moments, and then put it down and her alarm went off shortly after. She got up, I heard her pull something out of a container on the dresser, maybe a tissue, and then she left the room to go into the bathroom and take her shower.

So no I'm not 100% positive, but darn I'm almost certain.


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## Bottled Up

Why join her in the shower if I know she already got off on her own? It's not all about me, it's that I actually like being able to pleasure her. If I join her in the shower at this point I know I'm not going to do anything for her since she just got off already. Then it's just one-way sex...

Maybe you're right Enchantment, maybe next time I need to roll over and greet her instead of just laying there while it happens. I guess I was just in shock and didn't know what to do because the topic of her masturbating has seemed so taboo in the past... I'm afraid I'll do more damage than good if I interrupt her and embarrass her...


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## working_together

I'm not sure why you lay there kind of observing the whole thing. I think you should have reached over, and helped her out without saying one word. Sometimes women just want to please themselves without all the other stuff, and that's ok as long as your sex life is healthy. You say she's embarrased about talking about masturbating, but can you start a dialogue where she would feel comfortable??


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## Just Wondering

Dude,You should enjoy the fact that your wife has some sexual desire in her?And that she still has a desire for orgasm.Most of the guys here would love to wake up to their wife masterbating?Plus you said you are getting it as well? Where's the problem?Want to trade place's?


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## Bottled Up

Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess I'm just infatuated with the idea of her channeling her sexual energy entirely my way since I'm ready to do whatever she needs at any time.

Guess I'm being unrealistic though...


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## LovesHerMan

Hmm, not sure what she was feeling. She may have awoken from an erotic dream, and wanted a quickie to indulge the arousal without waking you up.

Since she is shy about discussing masturbation, if this happens again, I would just roll over and start touching her, whispering that you are aroused this morning. She is already warmed up, so it won't take much to have her respond to you.


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## Po12345

A lot of people were raised to believe that masturbation is a horrible thing, especially those of us who are Catholics. You are a BAD BOY/GIRL if you touch yourself. When that is slammed into you for years you have a tough time getting away from that. I would shame myself if my wife caught me, and that caused us problems because by doing it gave the appearance I was doing something wrong. 

I think women have a more difficult time with it because of the stigma that is associated with it, they don't want to appear "****ty", and I think some women have an idea that most people think that. 

I gotta be honest, I think a person who never masturbates (and isn't lying about it) actually has more issues than someone who does...


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## norajane

Bottled Up said:


> Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess I'm just infatuated with the idea of her channeling her sexual energy entirely my way since I'm ready to do whatever she needs at any time.
> 
> Guess I'm being unrealistic though...


Sometimes it's fun to let your mind focus on a fantasy and let yourself go for a few minutes. Sometimes we don't have the energy or desire or TIME for a full out sexual escapade. And honestly, sometimes we just want a quick orgasm without having to focus on another person and without having to give anyone else one.

Don't take it personally. Especially since she masturbates _in addition to_ having regular sex with you.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

i would sometimes wake to my exw masturbating.
she was only willing to have sex about once a month, mostly during her period.
i have rolled over to her or tried to do things to help her along, but she was not interested in that. i guess that probably ruined it during her fantasizing, probably about her AP's.
so finally it got to where when i would wake to that i would just shift a little and say 'nice'
then roll over facing away from her.
that usually made her stop and go to sleep.


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## working_together

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i would sometimes wake to my exw masturbating.
> she was only willing to have sex about once a month, mostly during her period.
> i have rolled over to her or tried to do things to help her along, but she was not interested in that. i guess that probably ruined it during her fantasizing, probably about her AP's.
> so finally it got to where when i would wake to that i would just shift a little and say 'nice'
> then roll over facing away from her.
> that usually made her stop and go to sleep.


That's awful, sorry that happened.


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## LovesHerMan

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i would sometimes wake to my exw masturbating.
> she was only willing to have sex about once a month, mostly during her period.
> i have rolled over to her or tried to do things to help her along, but she was not interested in that. i guess that probably ruined it during her fantasizing, probably about her AP's.
> so finally it got to where when i would wake to that i would just shift a little and say 'nice'
> then roll over facing away from her.
> that usually made her stop and go to sleep.


Incredibly cruel. That's why she's an ex!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

lovesherman said:


> That's why she's an ex!


yup


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

working_together said:


> That's awful, sorry that happened.


and someone else wondered why i had a hard time believing i could consistently show her how much i desired her without fallout..


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## MmHo

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

MmHo said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


?


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## MmHo

I have had to masterbate throughout our marriage because my stbxh said he was a bit "wooden" when it came to giving me an orgasm even when i told, showed etc, etc, ! I enjoyed intercourse with him a few times a week but he wasn't really interested in giving me orgasm.. He said i was brilliant in bed, did more for him than he had ever dreamed of but i just got used to sorting myself out when he had gone to sleep... I knew he wasn't interested when he said it made his arm ache!! LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

MmHo said:


> I have had to masterbate throughout our marriage because my stbxh said he was a bit "wooden" when it came to giving me an orgasm even when i told, showed etc, etc, ! I enjoyed intercourse with him a few times a week but he wasn't really interested in giving me orgasm.. He said i was brilliant in bed, did more for him than he had ever dreamed of but i just got used to sorting myself out when he had gone to sleep... I knew he wasn't interested when he said it made his arm ache!! LOL
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




lame excuse.

what is wrong with these guys?


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## SimplyAmorous

I'd be very very very hurt if I told my husband I wanted him to wake me up ANYTIME , knowing I want him 24/7 and discovered this, I would infact be pissed off, and feel he didn't want me. 

But don't listen to me, cause that is not going to help you. 

I masterbated many times when my husband was sleeping, our issue was I got horny in the middle of the night and he always needed his sleep , I always had an abundance of energy... half the time I woke him up... half the time I didn't....but I wanted him EVERY TIME... he never turned me down, but he also never said enthusiastically "Hey baby, why don't you do this more often, wake me up anytime!"-- had he expressed something like that -just once, I would have never done it again! 

But that discussion was too taboo !

When we finally talked about this... he was SHOCKED, and told me ......waking him up for that is like waking him up to say the house is on fire, that is important! I had to laugh at that repsonse for sure. Who the hell knew !

You already shared you want to be woke up...she knows..... I'd be hurt.


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## Goldmember357

rather easy to tell if someone is lying. 

Also you should not be upset if she masturbates if she is not mistreating you or without holding sex than there is no problem. Also it does not sound like she has a porn problem or is googling over other men and id hope you do not do the same but with women cause that may hurt your wife. Though it depends on the woman and there views on those things.


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## Love Song

Stonewall said:


> yes you are overreacting. Unless she is witholding sex from you then your reaction would be on point.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:






Stonewall said:


> Next time you catch this act start masturbating yourself. Don't say a thing just do it and see what transpires. You may find she was ashamed by it but your actions may make her feel better about it.


WOW!!! Great advice. :smthumbup:


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## Bottled Up

Even though Simply A is the only one going against the grain here, I seem to be relating to her post the most. It's seriously been bothering me all day long and I know the consensus here says it shouldn't bother me... but it does. I don't know why I can't just bottle this sh!t up and forget about it. I do want to talk to her about it but I know it's not the right move, so I'm not going to. But I'd be lying if I told you it didn't bother me, and it's kinda eating at me.

Like I said, I have NO problem with her masturbating whatsoever. I just don't understand after all these years she couldn't be honest with me when I asked her even though I was always open and honest about it. And then all my recent efforts to try and get us to a place in our relationship where we're both more openly communicating our needs and building up the intimacy and things have been going so great... but then she just didn't want me involved this morning. It was the perfect opportunity for her to act on what I communicated my desire for just 2 weeks ago.

Just hurts... I can't help it. Damn I wish I could change how fvcking sensitive I am sometimes.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

if you catch her again, turn and say, baby, do you ever masturbate?


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## Browncoat

I can relate and I don't think you are at all in the wrong to be bothered by it.

I wish my wife would get in the mood and wake me up any old time. It really hurts when you want your wife so badly (literally day and night), but she seems to put up barriers in a variety of ways.

That's what this is: just yet another barrier to intimacy between you two.


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## norajane

Bottled Up said:


> Even though Simply A is the only one going against the grain here, I seem to be relating to her post the most. It's seriously been bothering me all day long and I know the consensus here says it shouldn't bother me... but it does. I don't know why I can't just bottle this sh!t up and forget about it. I do want to talk to her about it but I know it's not the right move, so I'm not going to. But I'd be lying if I told you it didn't bother me, and it's kinda eating at me.
> 
> Like I said, I have NO problem with her masturbating whatsoever. I just don't understand after all these years she couldn't be honest with me when I asked her even though I was always open and honest about it. And then all my recent efforts to try and get us to a place in our relationship where we're both more openly communicating our needs and building up the intimacy and things have been going so great... but then she just didn't want me involved this morning. It was the perfect opportunity for her to act on what I communicated my desire for just 2 weeks ago.
> 
> Just hurts... I can't help it. Damn I wish I could change how fvcking sensitive I am sometimes.


Do you think she might be too embarrassed to tell you she masturbates? Or too afraid to admit that sometimes she just wants her own orgasm without having to give you one?

Even though she doesn't want to tell you that she masturbates, it doesn't mean you haven't made progress recently through your efforts to be more open with each other. It could mean the progress she's made to be more open isn't far enough along for her to be ready to talk about it.

Openness comes with time and practice. And trust. 2 weeks isn't a whole lot of time to break through intimacy barriers that have been there for years. Baby steps. Sometimes progress is two steps forward, one step back.


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## Bottled Up

norajane said:


> Do you think she might be too embarrassed to tell you she masturbates? Or too afraid to admit that sometimes she just wants her own orgasm without having to give you one?


Both of these are entirely possible, but I'm not upset about not getting my own orgasm... I'm upset because I want to be the one to give her the pleasure of an orgasm... I want her to want me to be involved in her pleasure. I would choose my wife over masturbation any time, any day... so it hurts when that feeling is not reciprocated.



norajane said:


> Even though she doesn't want to tell you that she masturbates, it doesn't mean you haven't made progress recently through your efforts to be more open with each other. It could mean the progress she's made to be more open isn't far enough along for her to be ready to talk about it.
> 
> Openness comes with time and practice. And trust. 2 weeks isn't a whole lot of time to break through intimacy barriers that have been there for years. Baby steps. Sometimes progress is two steps forward, one step back.


Good points, and you are correct in this... I do feel we have made good progress over the last few months all in all. This one just kinda hurts considering how recently I told her to "wake me up any time you're in the mood" and despite saying "ok" to me it seems she really didn't mean it... or at least it feels that way.


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## SimplyAmorous

I'll tell you what the problem is for what she is doing.... fine, she wants her own orgasm... Nobody is begrudging her this. Hey, Bottled up is likely thrilled to see she is feeling sexual ! 

But she also knows her sex drive if far lower than her husbands... while the majority of the time he is craving her, wanting her, desiring her literally every night when she is too tired, she doesn't feel like it, too stressed that day... his name speaks it all !

..And I KNOW this from experience, when I did that in the middle of the night, there were times my husband wanted it in the am... and guess what... I wasn't feeling like it. Of course he had no idea I got off at 2 am. ...... so who looses out... HIM.... the starving husband who wants it more than even me.... he didn't even masterbate but waited for me !!! So then my husband could "sense" -like Bottled up (a very sensitive man).... I wasn't all enthusiastic about sex in the am.. and well... he was never one to push... another day without sex . 

And the way my drive was back then, so long as I had an orgasm once a week, I was as happy as pigs in mudd. 

A lower drive spouse, in my opinion, if you value your marraige, and care anything at all about your higher drive spouse, shouldn't even be masterbating....UNLESS they are gonna be available when the higher drive one is feeling it. 
That is simply my opinion. I understand your hurt. My husband would feel the same way, I asked him tonight. 

IN our marriage, we both agree - masterbating is basically hollow, we both choose each other 1st, now that we finally opened the discussion up.... Something I very much regret not doing in our early marriage. 

So many wasted encounters.


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## Goldmember357

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'd be very very very hurt if I told my husband I wanted him to wake me up ANYTIME , knowing I want him 24/7 and discovered this, I would infact be pissed off, and feel he didn't want me.
> 
> But don't listen to me, cause that is not going to help you.
> 
> I masterbated many times when my husband was sleeping, our issue was I got horny in the middle of the night and he always needed his sleep , I always had an abundance of energy... half the time I woke him up... half the time I didn't....but I wanted him EVERY TIME... he never turned me down, but he also never said enthusiastically "Hey baby, why don't you do this more often, wake me up anytime!"-- had he expressed something like that -just once, I would have never done it again!
> 
> But that discussion was too taboo !
> 
> When we finally talked about this... he was SHOCKED, and told me ......waking him up for that is like waking him up to say the house is on fire, that is important! I had to laugh at that repsonse for sure. Who the hell knew !
> 
> You already shared you want to be woke up...she knows..... I'd be hurt.


wait what?

you would be hurt if your husband wanted you to wake him up for sex when you were horny?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Goldmember357 said:


> wait what?
> 
> you would be hurt if your husband wanted you to wake him up for sex when you were horny?


im sure its if he DIDNT wake her.


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## livnlearn

it's "you already shared you want to be woke up....she knows (meaning his wife has been made aware of this by him)...I'd be hurt "(meaning, I understand why you are hurt..I would be also)

SA can of course speak for herself..but I felt compelled to clear up the confusion. :smthumbup:


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