# LD vs. HD, please define.



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

Hi there people, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm new here.
I see heaps of posts referring to LD or HD and I understand the acronym burt I would like to hear opinions on what actually constitutes LD or HD.
Is LD wanting it once a year and HD is once every 5 minutes?
Where is the defined "normal" or whatever we might like to call it.
Opinions please.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

There is a lot of variation. I consider myself very HD. That means I want actual sex and I want to act sexually a lot, in my case, every day. I don't get PIV sex every day but I do get to act sexually every day, so yay!

In reading a lot, I see that there are some people who are higher D than myself. Probably not too many, I am pretty high.

I see most people in the middle somewhere...typically this means they are a sexual person. They require having a sex life to be happy. The frequency and quality that they desire can fluctuate a lot.

There are many people who are LD, with varying levels. Some are totally asexual, and some with desire so low that it might as well be asexual (like maybe desiring sex once a year). Then there are LD levels going on up to the middle range described above.

In some relationships, a person will be LD for their partner but not LD in general. This is not real LD but is situational LD.

Most people are going to fall at the top of the bell curve but that is still pretty sexual.

But there are a lot of people who just aren't that sexual...sometimes this is confusing. They will typically be LD, but some LD people can be very sexual and passionate and enjoy really kinky or other freaky stuff. But other LD who also just aren't that sexual, will not enjoy much variety or will be somewhat adverse to variety and many sexual acts. An LD wife may love to give BJ's but only once a month. An LD and also not very sexual wife may refuse to even try giving a BJ.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

It's relative to the partners in the relationship, usually. One spouse often wants sex more frequently than the other, and that person would be the "high drive" partner. 

Some people consider sex once a week as "normal". Others think once a day is about right. And less than once a month would be my definition of "essentially sexless". 

C


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Antman said:


> Hi there people, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm new here.
> I see heaps of posts referring to LD or HD and I understand the acronym burt I would like to hear opinions on what actually constitutes LD or HD.
> Is LD wanting it once a year and HD is once every 5 minutes?
> Where is the defined "normal" or whatever we might like to call it.
> Opinions please.


For me LD means lack of desire to meet the other spouse's reasonable sexual desires. If someone doesn't desire sex, but still desires pleasing their spouse then I don't consider them LD.

My own definition of HD means that a person sees the love they feel from their spouse through the lens of intimate relations. Not only do they usually have a strong desire but they need some of those desires fulfilled by their spouse in order to feel loved by them.

For me, it's not how often, but rather how my love cup gets filled.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I have also wondered about this myself, and from my reading, I think a very important distinction needs to be made with the acronyms. Desire and drive tend to be used in an interchangable way a lot, and I feel that they should be considered two very different things.

People can be normal and high drive, but low or zero desire with their partner. In many of the sexless marriage situations, this appears to be more the case. The witholding partner has drive, just no desire with their partner.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I tend to think these terms are thrown about too much and are completely subjective.

Some.people come here saying they are LD - because they only want sex 4 times per week and their spouse wants more.

It is only a useful term (in my opinion) to explain the dynamic between you and your spouse. On a message board it is a way to cut to the chase. My drive is higher than my spouse or my drive is lower in comparison. 

Being fairly new to the board, this is how I see it anyway.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I tend to think these terms are thrown about too much and are completely subjective.
> 
> Some.people come here saying they are LD - because they only want sex 4 times per week and their spouse wants more.
> 
> ...


True.

There were different kinds of "LD" as we discussed on this board.

One type of "LD" is simply not attracted to the spouse, but has a drive with others.

We had the "power view" LD's, who each guesture and contact is evaluated for control and power, and providing sexual intimacy is releasing power.

We have the bait and switch "LD", a person who was sexual, but once they catch the object of their desire, there is no reason to do that anymore.

We have people with hormone level problems. Men with Low T, women with unbalanced hormones. They may even come liking to feel depressed and not want to correct the problem.

Different types of LD's.

One on the board did say. If your spouse "loves" you, they will providide you intimacy at a decent rate even if it's not their thing.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

high drive = wanting it more than your partner.


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## Coach8 (Jun 17, 2013)

I asked my wife the other day how much sex she would want if life, kids weren't in the way. She said 4-5 times a week. Compared to me that is LD, as I would want it multiple times daily. But compared to most others, she would probably be avg.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Depends on who you ask. If you ask a LD person, a desire for any form of sex in any frequency is a sex-crazed maniac.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Coach8 said:


> I asked my wife the other day how much sex she would want if life, kids weren't in the way. She said 4-5 times a week. Compared to me that is LD, as I would want it multiple times daily. But compared to most others, she would probably be avg.


I would say 4-5 times a week is a bit above average.

You and I have what I call ID, insane drive.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Any attempt to quantify LD and HD are meaningless. LD could mean twice a day if spouse needs it five times a day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hasekmpp (Oct 31, 2013)

I think a very important distinction needs to be made with the acronyms.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jay1365 said:


> Any attempt to quantify LD and HD are meaningless. LD could mean twice a day if spouse needs it five times a day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To me it is very important to make some distinction and have at least vague definitions around LD/HD in order to have open and honest communications about such an important issue as sex and compatibility.

There are multiple issues to look at:
1) people trying to pretend they are something they are not.
2) thinking this is a gender based issue as it is not.
3) people either making themselves feel bad or inferior due to their drive or their partner making them feel bad or inferior.

IMO LD is anything less than once a week. Medium is about 2-4 times a week. HD is daily.
None of these are bad, the only thing that is bad is when two people are not compatible. If there were more discussion in a relationship around this then there would potentially be less problematic relationships. Less resentment from either or both sides and far more understanding.

I was married to a wonderful man but later divorced due to sexual incompatibility, it caused both of us great pain.

When I got back into the dating world as a much more mature woman I found it easy to discuss compatibility and have subsequently found my perfect match. We were both very upfront and discussed sex and frequency before we got to that point. We are both what I would consider as HD, we have sex daily and often twice daily. 

The distinction is important but never to use it as a tool to weaken another person, merely as a point of reference as part of an adult discussion.


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