# 9 days no sex



## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

My wife and I have sex three times a week. Her aunt(who she wasn't close to) died nine days ago.She has been there for her cousin. Her cousins dad(wifes uncle is strong- been married 28 yrs) Her cousin is still having sex through all this.
My wife says having to be strong for everyone in the family has killed her sex drive. I know nine days isn't much. But to me it is.
We had a break up Sept and Oct. She started seeing someone else and put me through hell. We got back together in early Nov and I have to admit that its better now than when we first met. She says its not another guy. I trust this. She's home after work etc. I'm thinking its bills and she's using the aunts death as a reason. Her cousin is married but seeing someone else. 

I'd like advice(not one sided advice I seem to see here of leave your spouse) and when you don't take that advice certain posters take it personally. I want a balanced view. Maybe I'm pushing to soon after a death in the family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Yes, I'd say you're pushing to hard too soon. More cuddling, less pressure for sex.

C


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

I would back off. If in a month you're in the same position, I would say you have a problem at that point.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

No one has died in my family, and I haven't had sex in 12 days. 

Not to trivialize, but get back to us when you have a real problem - 9 days of no sex where there isn't an obvious elephant in the room.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

What I would try is this. Forget going straight to it. Tell her she has been stressed so she knows you recognize it. Buy flowers, Cook dinner, have her get in a hot bath to realx. Let her pick a movie after dinner even if it's one of those terrible romance movies....stay with me here. Toward the end of the movie give her a back rub and neck massage. I say end of the movie cause you don't want to put her to sleep and you make coffee so you stay awake for it. After it's over don't ask, don't whine, don't complain, just get up, turn it off, tell her to follow you and take her by the hand to the bedroom and proceed.

If you try the above and she flat out says no then the next morning I would be sitting down and having a talk about what's going on and what is needed to move past it. I don't think she will say no though.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

break up in the last 6 months and you are still having sex 3 times a week. Out freaking standing. Yes that should be putting some security pressure on her to be intimate more right now. But, having said all that, different people handle grief differently. I'd give her a little more time and be supportive.
MN


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, how does the conversation go that you know that your wife's cousin is still having sex? And what have you guys been doing to work through the affair?

C


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

You haven't had sex in nine days and you are complaining? Just be there for your wife and give her hugs, don't pressure her. You will survive if you have to go a few weeks without sex.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

and the problem is?......

sorry couldn't resist, lol


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Tread very softly. Acting as if you only care for yourself, while she is grieving the loss of a family member, your 9 days will become 9 months if you're not careful or cause permanent damage to your sex life. She is very fragile right now, so be there for only her.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Look at his other threads. There could be a whole other reason for the no sex. Maybe she has met another guy again.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Come back when its been 3 months or more for no reason at all other than she just couldn't be bothered to put in 5 min as a couple.

Thankfully were not like that any more.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Abc123wife said:


> Look at his other threads. There could be a whole other reason for the no sex. Maybe she has met another guy again.


I did. At this point, all bets are off.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

How in the world do you know that the cousin is still having sex?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

A few months ago, she was with another man and you only just got back together. Then the death occurred and the family depends on her to be there for them. 

You need her more than her family needs her. She cheated and she need to do what it takes to support you emotionally. You are right, she was not close to her aunt and the uncle is there to pick up the emotional slack for the family. So why do they mean more to her than you? That's the question you have to put to yourself. Are you in true R with a woman puts you first. I don't think you need to be patient at this point. Press the issue. She wants to R or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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