# Did I just do something unrepairable?



## arealpickle (Mar 23, 2016)

Nobody is going to like me after they read this but it is all true and I really need to know if there is a way back from what I have done.
I've outlined the situation in point form because it is easier to explain it that way.

• 12yrs ago I met my partner/fiancé.
• I was going to jail and she presented as a opportunity.
• We met online and I moved in with her straight away after a month.
• She lived on the other side of the country and provided me with a roof, employment and a new life away from where I got pinched - this would all look good for the court so I went with it.
• I had no sexual attraction to her and still do not to this day but fumbled through the first year until court.
• The plan worked and I got away without jail.
• I decided to remain with her and somehow I fell in love with her because she is an amazing and beautiful person. She also stood to inherit a lot of money. 
• We got engaged and the sex stopped, I quit my job and that is how it has remained for the last 11yrs.
• I never told her how I felt...or didn't feel attracted to her but 10+yrs without sex might have given her a hint.
• She is beautiful on the inside but really ugly physically and I just can't get it up for her. 
• Then the other night she said that she has decided that she would like to try for a baby, as she thought she would have had one years ago and she is nearing 45.
• I have always stayed silent on the subject of children as I loathe them. But I stupidly said it to her.
• We got into a huge fight and everything under the sun came up and in a fit of anger I told her that I had never been attracted to her.
• We cooled off and then she surprised me by saying that it was all ok and that at least we are best friends and can lead a happy life anyway.
• I don't buy it but because I am too afraid to leave and lose everything we have acquired, leaving me with nothing, I stayed silent.
• Then she said that she will try harder to be sexier for me, but she doesn't know that there is nothing she could do to make that happen.

I feel like us starting a sex life and having a kid will be the only way I will keep my life. How do other guys perform when they don't want to? She used to hate it when I would keep my eyes shut so I don't know what to do. Have I destroyed her self esteem by saying that?? Do you think I'm right that the only way to stay in the good books is to start having sex? How much sex should we be having?

I'm not going to leave her and she def won't leave me, but there must be some weirdness going on in her head right?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

arealpickle said:


> there must be some weirdness going on in her head right?


Yup. Want proof? Look in the mirror. 

Oh, and I promise you you didn't lower her self esteem. The fact that she is with you at all tells you that it was already as low as it gets.


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## Missmousedancemom (Mar 23, 2016)

You are holding her emotionally hostage for your own reason

Coming from emotional abuse like what you are doing to her it's awful to read. 

I feel sorry for her, I hope she finds out sooner than later you are a low life


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arealpickle said:


> Have I destroyed her self esteem by saying that??


Yes. Actually your actions for years destroyed her self esteem.

Years ago you stopped having sex with her. I have no doubt that she knows why. It's a pretty clear signal.

Then to add insult to injury, you quit your job and have been freeloading off her for years.

The message of those to things is that you have no respect for her. You have no desire for you. And that she is so "lucky" that you are with her that she needs to live in a loveless, cold marriage and support you... the free loader waiting to get your hands on her inheritance. Just know that by law, you have no rights at all to her inheritance. It's considered her sole property. I hope she's wise enough to protect it.




arealpickle said:


> Do you think I'm right that the only way to stay in the good books is to start having sex? How much sex should we be having?


You should not have any sex with her. You need to tell her emphatically that you don't want any sex with her or any children with her. Bringing a child into a situation where the child is not wanted is one of the cruelest things a person can do.



arealpickle said:


> I'm not going to leave her and she def won't leave me, but there must be some weirdness going on in her head right?


As I said above... tell her the truth. Then she will be able to make up her own mind of what she wants to do. 

Your little game of using sex to entrap her is just mean and ugly.

Is there any weirdness going on in her head? I doubt it. I think that she might finally be realizing that the relationship with you is nothing more than you using her. She's smartening up.

Besides telling her the truth, why go out and get a job.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Wow! You should be ashamed,but don't appear capable of it. Poor woman. Hopefully you end up alone.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

It's simple really. Just get a paper bag, and tape a pretty woman's face on it, but I don't know what she is going to do to find you attractive though.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did she ever get the inheritance?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Of course you didn't. Why would you think that?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

First of all thank you for being honest...and as a matter of reciprocation let me just as honest. I just pray my daughters never meets someone like you...you not a very good human being. The best thing you could do is leave her with the clothes on your back, and maybe she will find someone who will love her inside and out for her not for what's she is worth. I'm not sure that you will do that, because its not in your best interest, but you know it is the right thing to do.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

This is going to be another one-post with no follow up.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

> • Then the other night she said that she has decided that she would like to try for a baby, as she thought she would have had one years ago and *she is nearing 45*.


• She may not be able to get pregnant anymore at this point. However women are known to become very fertile just prior to menopause. 

• Also if women get pregnant at this age the risks of a genetic disorders (such as down syndrome) increases exponentially. 










• Regarding your other comments about how do us guys get it up for someone we might not be attracted to, I have no advice. Generally speaking if you are NOT attracted to someone when they are young, that is nature's way of signaling that someone may not be genetically compatible enough with you to create healthy offspring under ideal circumstances. This is one of the reasons people are not attracted to their own biologically related family members (regardless of beauty), because the resulting offspring would not be healthy. 

Sincerely, 
Badsanta


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

how's Billy goat gruff doing theses days


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Delete


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## arealpickle (Mar 23, 2016)

Well sorry to to see what a bunch of pricks you all are.

The inheritance is 50% mine by name. The in laws have already put me in the will separately as well as providing for me with life insurance of my own from their deaths. 😎

I also live in Australia, so our inheritance laws are different.

You will be glad to know that after I cried and said how terrible I felt, then threatened to commit suicide, we are back as strong as ever.

Last time I ever come here for open minded help.

Pricks.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

arealpickle said:


> Last time I ever come here for open minded help.
> 
> 
> 
> Pricks.



Good. Go troll somewhere else. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

arealpickle said:


> Well sorry to to see what a bunch of pricks you all are.
> 
> The inheritance is 50% mine by name. The in laws have already put me in the will separately as well as providing for me with life insurance of my own from their deaths. 😎
> 
> ...


What did you expect, honestly? This is a good community of people, over all. You came here and told us the following:

- you are not, and never have been, attracted to your wife
- you met her online and used her to escape jail time
- she has a large inheritance
- you don't work

So take the $$ out of the equation, and you are married to a woman you don't find attractive, have zero sexual interest in, and never have. The sheer fact that you even mentioned the $$ in the first place is extremely indicative of your thought process in this, and it's obvious it's the only reason you've stuck around, and continue to do so.

You basically asked for advice on what to do, and you got more or less the same opinion from everybody that replied.

What did you want to hear, honestly?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

alexm said:


> What did you want to hear, honestly?


Provided that this wasn't an outright troll post (and lets hope is was), then I would anticipate that the OP wanted to hear what any other sociopathic personality in this situation would. He wanted to hear ways to get back into her good graces so as not to lose the good thing he has going. The tip-off for that is that everything seems to be resolved thanks to his own ingenuity. He said "You will be glad to know that after I cried and said how terrible I felt, then threatened to commit suicide, we are back as strong as ever." He figured out how to manipulate her so that she sticks around to continue meeting his needs. Problem solved!


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## arealpickle (Mar 23, 2016)

I didn't come here asking for judgement on why I am with her, I wanted advice on having sex with someone who I find physically repulsive. There must be other men out there that are in my situation, a situation that exists regardless of the holier than thou preaching that most of you want to answer with. I simply explained my situation honestly so that I could accurately paint a picture for people and I didn't get a volley of questions like 'have you ever been attracted to her' or 'why did you stay with her'?. I expected sex advice, which I didn't get from one person. You all only read what you wanted to and neglected to answer the question.


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## arealpickle (Mar 23, 2016)

_You basically asked for advice on what to do, and you got more or less the same opinion from everybody that replied.

What did you want to hear, honestly?_

I clearly said that I wasn't leaving her and why I was with her. All the answers said what a terrible person I am and that I should leave her.
That is not sex advice, that is moral judgement.

I got the same answer from nearly all yes, but it wasn't the answer to what I asked was it.


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## Missmousedancemom (Mar 23, 2016)

You don't have sex with her. 
You can't get an erection you can't force it. 
You can't unless you don't masturbate for months then you will get to the point where you will explode then maybe you can get hard and toss one off really fast. Try viagra??
That's all I got for you
Best of luck


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

arealpickle said:


> _You basically asked for advice on what to do, and you got more or less the same opinion from everybody that replied.
> 
> What did you want to hear, honestly?_
> 
> ...


There is desire of the eyes and a desire of the heart.

Plan for sex when you have time to sit across from her, look her in the eyes and have conversation with her.

See her need and vulnrability and make love to the beautiful person she is, your greatest pleasure will be to enjoy her enjoyment of sex.

Let that make you feel like her stud.

You will actually become a better person as you do this and your love will deepen.

Love is a gift you give with no strings attached because of the person you love. Your love is theirs to have.

You can bond with any children you have by spending time with them and focusing on them.

I wish you and your gf well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

delete


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

arealpickle said:


> _You basically asked for advice on what to do, and you got more or less the same opinion from everybody that replied.
> 
> What did you want to hear, honestly?_
> 
> ...


I have deleted both of my posts.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

arealpickle said:


> • I don't buy it but because I am too afraid to leave and lose everything we have acquired, leaving me with nothing, I stayed silent.


Whatjew mean "we have acquired". Doesn't sound like you did anything except be a parasite living off other humans. Other than me pointing out your good points, I think this is horse shyt. If I get banned for a douche like you, its worth it.
Now just remember, looks aren't everything and like you said she beautiful inside.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

How much sex should you be having NONE. you blew a hole the size of the continent of aisia in her heart. 

Its all about you in this entire relationship. Convenient to keep out of jail. Maybe you should have gone to jail or prison. You USED HER THEN, AND YOU USED HER FOR 11 YEARS. 

You are only staying for the wealth and inheritance. You fell in love with her. BS. you fell in love with what she could provide you. YOU NEVER LOVED HER, YOU WERE NEVER ATTRACTED TO HER EITHER. Its never been what you can do for her, or how you can make HER happy. A baby she says she wants and you can't even do that for her. 

Not saying you should have a kid. You most certainly should not! You should divorce and not sue for any of her potential inheritance, and you should pop out of her life as if you never existed. 

She has propped you up, and what are you? A user. Yes you are not going to get much advice you want to hear because anything any of is say would be to end your cushy life YOU DONT DESERVE. 

You say you can t get it up for your wife.... You haven't been faithful in the marriage either have you? 

Doesn't matter though. You are pretty low on the selection of humanity...  Please divorce this poor woman and at least tell her why, because i bet she thinks you are just SWELL. She deserves to see the real you.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

alexm said:


> You basically asked for advice on what to do, and you got more or less the same opinion from everybody that replied.


The big problem for him is that most recommended actions would require that he get a job.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Well turn the situation around.

If she said.
I never really loved you.
I'm not sexually or physically attracted to you.
I'm only with you because of money.
I need to shut my eyes when we have sex.
And you're unattractive.

Would that hurt you?


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

arealpickle said:


> I didn't come here asking for judgement on why I am with her, I wanted advice on having sex with someone who I find physically repulsive. There must be other men out there that are in my situation, a situation that exists regardless of the holier than thou preaching that most of you want to answer with. I simply explained my situation honestly so that I could accurately paint a picture for people and I didn't get a volley of questions like 'have you ever been attracted to her' or 'why did you stay with her'?. I expected sex advice, which I didn't get from one person. You all only read what you wanted to and neglected to answer the question.


Maybe she has a boyfriend on the side that's doing her good and she doesn't need you.-(I hate cheating) but that would be funny.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

I've always said being lonely will make you do some stupid shít. The fact that this woman has been with you this long classifies you as stupid shît done by a lonely person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

No one is going to give you advice to be even more of a prick than you already are.


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Fitnessfan said:


> No one is going to give you advice to be even more of a prick than you already are.



:iagree: I was trying to find the right words but you already said it perfectly.



OP, if everything you have said is true, I couldn't think of anything worse than to inflict you as a parent on a poor innocent child. 

Sadly, your wife is as nuts as you.

Have you been having sex with someone else all these years?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

FRANC said:


> :iagree: I was trying to find the right words but you already said it perfectly.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, in my post i asked him that. He had to be boinking someone I'm sure. Or wanking it on the regular... Something fishy...as well as prickish is afoot. 

This dude is NEVER coming back, because he is a weak fool... He can't take the honesty that we give, and rejects the mirror that we hold up in front of him.


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

You know what? You are not a low life my friend. You did to her what woman have been doing to men for years and instead of Robbing, Stealing, and physically hurting others,(any more lol) you used a woman. Don't feel bad my friend. There are Thousands of woman who marry for those exact reasons and I am sure she prob wouldn't be married other wise if your planned worked for all these years anyway bro.


Just giving my 10 cents


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