# Am I being unreasonable?



## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

My husband’s dad and 19 year old brother moved here from another state a few years ago to be closer to my husband. They live about 10-15 mins away from us. They both have jobs. They live on a campground in a small camper trailer. Since they live on a campground, they don’t have a physical address. So, basically, they’ve been using our address to have their mail/packages sent to. Our address is even on his brother’s drivers license because he needed a physical address in order to get his license. At one point, my husband’s sister and her boyfriend moved in with his dad, so we were getting all of their mail and packages too. On a regular basis, his sister and her boyfriend would be coming by our house to pick up their stuff, and she was constantly texting me asking if her packages had arrived at my house yet. They moved back to their hometown several months ago, so we aren’t dealing with that anymore. But, my husband’s dad and brother are still here and they’re still using our address. 

I told my husband back when this first started happening that I didn’t like it but he just kept trying to convince me that it wasn’t a big deal. Rather than pushing the issue, I pretty much decided to just tolerate it, and I’ve been putting up with it for a couple years now. Well, we’ve been looking to get a new house and we just recently went under contract. I brought up the issue to my husband again yesterday and told him that once we move into our new house, I don’t want his family using our new address. I told him they need to figure something else out.

Again, he tries to convince me that it’s not a big deal. He asks me why I have such an issue with this and why it bothers me. I tell him that I don’t like having stacks of their mail piled up at my house. It’s just more clutter and more mail for me to have to sort through. He says “we’re going to have a bigger house and we’ll have more room so it won’t be as cluttered as it is now.” He then starts offering solutions saying he will bring in the mail so I don’t have to deal with it. But aside from the clutter issue, I told him that I just don’t want people using my address that don’t live in my home. It’s as simple as that. So then he says “so it’s just the principal of it then. You just want it to be only YOUR address because it’s YOUR house”. Like he’s trying to make me feel like there’s something wrong with that, or like I’m just being selfish or something. 

I told him they need to get a P.O. box, but he starts coming up with excuses like “But you can’t get packages delivered to a P.O. box. You can only get pieces of mail. How is my dad going to get his bag of medicine?” (His dad has his medication delivered to our house and then picks it up). So I did 5 minutes of research online and found out that you can get something called a private mailbox at the UPS store, which will
not only allow your packages and mail to be delivered there, but you will be provided with a physical address. You have to pay a monthly fee but they both have jobs so it shouldn’t be an issue. So I told my husband about this, and there wasn’t really much he could say because he couldn’t use the medication thing as an excuse anymore so he finally agreed that he would talk to his dad about it. 

I just don’t appreciate how he made me feel about the whole thing. If you were in my situation, would you want someone else’s mail being sent to your house all the time? It would be one thing if it was temporary until they got their own address but I can’t deal with it if it’s going to be a permanent thing. I’ve already been dealing with it for way longer than I wanted to. He may not think it’s a big deal but it is to me. So I feel like instead of minimizing the issue, he should have just said “ok I’m not bothered by this but you obviously are, so don’t worry about it. I’ll do something about it”. It’s like when it comes to his family, he just can’t say no. I feel like I put up with a lot that I’m not necessarily thrilled about just for his sake, and I don’t ask for a lot. Do you think I’m asking for anything unreasonable?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My mother in law stays in an RV Park each year for a few months in California. We can send her mail by sending it to the RV Park. We just mention her 'stall' number in the address. Would the campground have an address?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How are their credit ratings? Because if they are bad, your credit ratings will take a hit, too.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*They can either go the "UPS Store route" or they can visit with their local U. S. Postmaster, because mine here in my podunk "berg" has informed me that there is a workable way around it, having a P.O. Box. I happen to see both the UPS and FedEx trucks in my local Post Office parking lot all of the time!

There is definitely a way around it! *


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

It is absolutely possible to have packages sent to Post Offices. I used to live in a little town that didn't have mail delivery, so going to the post office every day was the norm. 

You can't however have FedEx and a few other services delivered there - but as you know, you can get a delivery box from a variety of vendors that solves that problem as well. 

I don't think you are being too unreasonable, especially when there are easy solutions available to them.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

They sound like bums. Start throwing the mail away.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Guess I'm going to have to come down on the same side of the argument as your husband. As far as inconveniencing yourself for the sake of family, this is about as mild as it gets.

If this is the hill you want to die on...

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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I can't see the problem either? I don't get what the issue is, especially if your husband will deal with it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

september_sky said:


> told him they need to get a P.O. box, but he starts coming up with excuses like “But you can’t get packages delivered to a P.O. box. You can only get pieces of mail. How is my dad going to get his bag of medicine?” (His dad has his medication delivered to our house and then picks it up).


Complete and TOTAL B.S. I've had a PO box several times, and I always got packages. A non-issue IMO.



september_sky said:


> If you were in my situation, would you want someone else’s mail being sent to your house all the time? I’ve already been dealing with it for way longer than I wanted to. He may not think it’s a big deal but it is to me. So I feel like instead of minimizing the issue, he should have just said “ok I’m not bothered by this but you obviously are, so don’t worry about it. I’ll do something about it”. It’s like when it comes to his family, he just can’t say no. I feel like I put up with a lot ... Do you think I’m asking for anything unreasonable?


First, if I was in your situation, I wouldn't complain. The in-laws are not living with you. I mean, it could be worse. SO WHAT IS REALLY THE BIG DEAL HERE?????? Mail is one thing, but you state you "put up with a lot." So what does "a lot" mean? Because this has to be about more than taking in the mail. I get my mail everyday, and if I have to pick up someone else's mail in the pile, what difference does it make? 

Do they come get their mail on a regular basis? Do they receive tons of packages? AGAIN ... what other inconveniences are they putting you through that makes the mail an issue?


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> They sound like bums. Start throwing the mail away.


This really made me LAUGH OUT LOUD 

I tend to agree with your hubby, as well. It's a small thing that you do for his family to be near him. Do you want to cause a rift between you and your in-laws? You're putting your husband in an uncomfortable position. Unless you can point out a problem bigger than annoying stacks of mail (you can just put a basket/container on your front porch to toss it in until they get around to picking it up), you don't seem to be easy going. Or that's how I would perceive you myself. 
Life's too short to worry for years over such a thing....do you have a hobby or other outlet?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Family is trouble. My wife's mother and father were abusive alcoholics. My parents never spent a day in school. That is why after we got married we moved 3000 miles away. Life was good, very good.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I dont want anybody who does not live at my house to send mail here. I have had quite a few bad experiences with this. When we bought our house a few months into moving in, we got woken up at 4 am. It was the police, looking for a guy who used our address as his own. They searched the entire building for him. Thank God they were nice to us and understood that we just bought the house. But it didn't stop there, they came back 3 other times looking for him on outstanding warrants. 

Our babysitter son used our address to register his car and insurance unbekonown to us. He was in an accident, they came looking for him by us. And gave us such attitude. And he was in a domestic violence issue with his wife, so of course the police was at my door again.

Some idiot used our address as his in a child support case. He had a lien on his house but some how, my house got listed on Zillow as being foreclosed. That cause me weeks of nightmare, thank God my girlfriend was able to advice me and so did CynthiaD here on Tam, i was able to get Zillow to remove house from there listing. I was getting a minimum of 5 calls and pieces of mail about my house from banks, brokers and lawyers. All about a guy named RobertRicks. ....the post man got tired of returning his mail. I had to take them to the post office myself and inform the supervisor of the situation before that madness stop.

So, if you dont live here....your mail is not coming here.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

VibrantWings said:


> Maxwedge 413 said:
> 
> 
> > They sound like bums. Start throwing the mail away.
> ...


I just don’t see why they should have to use our address when there are other options available to them. Why would they even want to use our address when they have other options? Because using our mailbox is free? That’s the only reason I can think of. I just kind of feel like we’re being used. It literally took me 5 minutes of doing a google search to figure out that there are other options available. They could have easily done the same.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> How are their credit ratings? Because if they are bad, your credit ratings will take a hit, too.


How does that work? I know his brother had a bunch of hospital bills sent to our house from when he was in a car accident and I’m pretty sure he never paid them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've had some 'interesting' experiences with people using my home to get mail... I no longer allow anyone who does not live here to use my address.

One incident was with a nephew of mine. He is schizophrenic, though we did not know that at the time that this happened. He was in town visiting. He had received some mail at my address. After a few days, I was told by another family member that he was telling his same aged cousins that he was going to kill me, my husband and my children in our sleep. So I told him to take his stuff and get out of my house. He refused to leave. I called the police. After talking to him, the police told me that I could not kick him out because my home is his permanent residence as evidenced by the fact taht he has mail from government agencies that came to my address. They said I would have to go to court to get him evicted. Yea, and he denied saying that he was going to kill us in our sleep. The police left. We did get him to leave but it was not pretty. Thank goodness two of my brothers found him wandering around town and got him to check himself into a mental hospital where he was disagnised with schizophrenia.

The other indident I had was when I was buying a house. For years I have gotten mail for Sam Smith (using Smith instead of my real last name). Now Sam Smith does not exist, well he existed but he was my dog. See, when I was teching at the university, i kept getting prank phone calls from men. I assumed it was my male students. This was back in the days before cell phones, when we had actual phone books. I changed my listing name in the phone book from Elegirl Smith to Sam Smith. Well, the prank calls stopped. But Sam Smith starting getting mail at my address. This was back in 1996. To this day I still get mail from Sam Smith. I've changed addresses 3 times since then, but my dog Sam's mail still finds me.

Back to buying the house. I was buying the house I'm in now. This was in late 2014. During the loan approval phase i was asked the name of everyone who lived in the house. I gave them the list. My dog Sam died in 2005. But he still got mail . The lender called me back and read me the riot act for lying because apparenlty in their credit check (or background check) it shows that there is a Sam Smith that has lived at with me since 1996. Of course i told him that Sam was my dog who had died 9 years earlier. I had to write a letter of explaination, have it notarized and send it to them. Thank goodness they believed it.

Bottom line is that if someone gets mail at your house, they can claim it's their legal residence and that you know it's their legal residence. And if you are looking to buy a home, your lender might want info on anyone who gets mail at your address. Your credit report will very likely show anyone who gets mail at your address. I don't know all of the tools that lenders use to verify a person before lending them $$, but apparenlty they were able to find out about Sam Smith.

They can get a PO Box at USPS or at a local place that rents po boxes. They all accept packages.

I agree with you, having someone else use your mailing address is not a good idea.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

september_sky said:


> How does that work? I know his brother had a bunch of hospital bills sent to our house from when he was in a car accident and I’m pretty sure he never paid them.


His bad credit cannot affect your credit.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> I've had some 'interesting' experiences with people using my home to get mail... I no longer allow anyone who does not live here to use my address.
> 
> One incident was with a nephew of mine. He is schizophrenic, though we did not know that at the time that this happened. He was in town visiting. He had received some mail at my address. After a few days, I was told by another family member that he was telling his same aged cousins that he was going to kill me, my husband and my children in our sleep. So I told him to take his stuff and get out of my house. He refused to leave. I called the police. After talking to him, the police told me that I could not kick him out because my home is his permanent residence as evidenced by the fact taht he has mail from government agencies that came to my address. They said I would have to go to court to get him evicted. Yea, and he denied saying that he was going to kill us in our sleep. The police left. We did get him to leave but it was not pretty. Thank goodness two of my brothers found him wandering around town and got him to check himself into a mental hospital where he was disagnised with schizophrenia.
> 
> ...


That sounds like a total nightmare. We’ve already had one incident where we found out that his brother had been added to our car insurance and we had to call the insurance company and have him taken off. Apparently, because our address is on his drivers license, our insurance thought we wanted him to be covered on our vehicles, so he was automatically added.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Assuming you're on speaking terms with your husband's dad and brother, why not just tell them they'll have to find another way to get their mail?

Suggest a PO box or a UPS store box. It can't hurt to bring it up.

As far as your husband is concerned, just because he doesn't see your point of view doesn't make him right and you wrong. Quit arguing the point, It's getting you nowhere. Just TELL your husband that if he doesn't tell his dad & brother to find another way to get their mail delivered, you'll tell them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

september_sky said:


> That sounds like a total nightmare. We’ve already had one incident where we found out that his brother had been added to our car insurance and we had to call the insurance company and have him taken off. Apparently, because our address is on his drivers license, our insurance thought we wanted him to be covered on our vehicles, so he was automatically added.


Yep.. I went through this with 2 of my kids when they moved out after high school but kept getting mail at my place.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do your FIL or BIL have auto insurance? Do they use your home address for their auto insurance? If they do, it's insurance fraud. If one of them has an accident and the insurance company finds out that they do not live at the address that they gave, the insurance company can refuse to pay the claim.

Why are they living in a place that has no physical address? Can't they rent something that has a real address?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

If they use your address it makes it harder for the repo man lol.

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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

The insurance thing happened to us when we lived in an apartment in Mom's house. My younger BIL was a awful driver, running red lights etc. Our insurance went thru the roof, we had to write a notarized letter to the company explaining that we just shared an address not living together.

If you don't want their mail, gather them all up and return them to the post office and they will be returned to sender. Or you can tell them both that they can't use the new address anymore and any mail coming to the house will be returned. Don't depend on your husband to take care of it...do it yourself.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

september_sky said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > How are their credit ratings? Because if they are bad, your credit ratings will take a hit, too.
> ...


Totally not true!


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Do your FIL or BIL have auto insurance? Do they use your home address for their auto insurance? If they do, it's insurance fraud. If one of them has an accident and the insurance company finds out that they do not live at the address that they gave, the insurance company can refuse to pay the claim.
> 
> Why are they living in a place that has no physical address? Can't they rent something that has a real address?


Well, my brother in law did have insurance until he totaled his car. Now that he doesn’t have a car, my father in law takes him wherever he needs to go. I’m really not sure if our address is on my FIL’s car insurance or not. I’ve never really thought about that. They moved here from another state, and I think some of my FIL’s stuff still has his previous address on it that he never changed. So his car insurance could be one of those things that he never changed. Personally, I wouldn’t want to live on a campground but I guess it works for them. It is cheaper than it would be to rent, so maybe that’s why.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

brooklynAnn said:


> The insurance thing happened to us when we lived in an apartment in Mom's house. My younger BIL was a awful driver, running red lights etc. Our insurance went thru the roof, we had to write a notarized letter to the company explaining that we just shared an address not living together.
> 
> If you don't want their mail, gather them all up and return them to the post office and they will be returned to sender. Or you can tell them both that they can't use the new address anymore and any mail coming to the house will be returned. Don't depend on your husband to take care of it...do it yourself.


I’d rather have my husband tell them because his brother in law is a little bit.... unpredictable, I guess you could say. He drinks a lot and because of that, he tends to fly off the handle a lot and you never really know what’s going to set him off.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

As someone who's Mom, Dad and brother are now living with us I would gladly trade each of them for their mail.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Totally not true!


That's interesting because in the UK bad debtors living in your household (or appearing to live in your household) can severely impact credit scores.

And as EleGirl pointed out, the use of an address in such a way can be illegal.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > Totally not true!
> ...


In the UK if someone uses your address and then defaults on a loan the repo men (Baliffs to you Matt) can turn up at your door looking for payment. 
If you don’t have receipts for everything of value in your house the law allows them to assume ownership to pay off the loan. 
If someone using your address has anything illegal delivered and you accept delivery then you are liable for the consequences. 
Never allow anyone to use your home as their address.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Wow that's amazing! Think of all of the college students or young people who share an apartment and have the same address. You'd really have to research your roommates before becoming roommates!


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Wow that's amazing! Think of all of the college students or young people who share an apartment and have the same address. You'd really have to research your roommates before becoming roommates!


Absolutely. My brother had a crazy roommate (who was a friend of his other roommate) and ended up calling the police on the crazy roommate one night. It was a mess and took a couple of months to fully resolve. 

I would not allow someone to use my address for mail and certainly not on a drivers license.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP

is this the hill you want to plant your flag and die on? i mean seriously, while i agree its a nuisance.......there are so many other bigger problems in life to deal with......i have a hard time understanding how this is impacting you in such a way thats its putting a crimp in your marriage or life.

your husband offered to deal with it entirely......let him. 

is this really the biggest issue you have to deal with? if so...consider yourself fortunate.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Lol this isn't a hill to plant her flag on because it's not that big of a deal, yet. But she shouldn't have to plant a flag on. If my wife said she was uncomfortable with it I'd deal with it. Just because her husband doesn't mind being his family's door mat doesn't mean she has to as well. 

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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Lol this isn't a hill to plant her flag on because it's not that big of a deal, yet. But she shouldn't have to plant a flag on. If my wife said she was uncomfortable with it I'd deal with it. Just because her husband doesn't mind being his family's door mat doesn't mean she has to as well.
> 
> Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk



its interesting to me that you too see it as "no big deal".

funny how you mention if your wife was uncomfortable you would deal with it....well her husband offered to do that....sort the mail and deliver it to them making all this fuss transparent to her.....but apparently THAT isnt good enough.

look life isnt perfect and we have to pick and choose our battles, hence the reason i asked the OP if or why this is so important to her.

there are plant of thing in life to get annoyed at......i just dont understand some of the small stuff people get so worked up about. we are talking about mail showing up in your mailbox........the OP made no mention of them doing anything else that was a problem.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

x598 said:


> its interesting to me that you too see it as "no big deal".
> 
> funny how you mention if your wife was uncomfortable you would deal with it....well her husband offered to do that....sort the mail and deliver it to them making all this fuss transparent to her.....but apparently THAT isnt good enough.
> 
> ...


Other than their pure laziness there is no reason for them to use their address. Her husband volunteered to continue being a doormat, I could see how that would be frustrating to her. 

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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Sbrown said:


> Lol this isn't a hill to plant her flag on because it's not that big of a deal, yet. But she shouldn't have to plant a flag on. If my wife said she was uncomfortable with it I'd deal with it. Just because her husband doesn't mind being his family's door mat doesn't mean she has to as well.
> 
> Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


Thank you. I understand that my husband doesn’t have a problem with this, but I’ve expressed to him a long time ago that I do. He doesn’t have to agree with it. Just like if my family was doing something that he had a major problem with, I would do something about it, whether I personally felt the same way as him or not. But with him, it’s like instead of putting my wishes first, he wants to try to make everyone happy. But you can’t always make everyone happy. I feel that because I’m his wife, he should care about my happiness first and foremost. Even if he brings the mail in and sorts it so that I don’t have to deal with it, it doesn’t completely fix the issue. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have people using your address when they don’t live in your home. And some of the stories that people have shared on this post are examples of why it’s not a good idea. No, this isn’t the most important issue that we are dealing with, and I never said it was. That doesn’t change the fact that it is an issue though. Obviously it’s not for my husband, but it is for me. 

I also don’t think he gets that letting stuff like this continue on for so long makes me feel resentful toward his family. There was already some resentment toward his dad because when I first started dating my husband, his dad was living with him because he had recently went through a divorce and was paying so much in child support that he supposedly couldn’t afford a place to live. I didn’t have a problem with it but my husband and I had discussed that when we got married, we needed our own space and that his dad would have to figure something else out. However, as our wedding date got closer and closer, his dad still had not made any plans to move out. I kept bringing it up to my husband asking him when he was going to talk to him about it. He just kept making up excuses, saying that he didn’t have to bring it up. He said that his dad was aware that we were about to get married and would want our own space, and that he would move out on his own. He stuck with this story literally all the way up until the day we got married. A week after our wedding, we come back from our honeymoon and his dad is still there, just like I knew he would be. So he finally brings it up to him after we get back from our honeymoon and he ended up moving out shortly after that. My husband let it go on and on and kept putting it off until I was literally about to go nuts just because he didn’t want to tell his dad to leave. 

His family takes advantage of him, although he will never see it that way. Just like he doesn’t think they’re taking advantage of us when it comes to the mail thing. But what other reason would they want to use our address instead of going to the UPS store and getting their own mailbox or P.O. box? The only reason I can think of is that if they use ours, it’s free. It took me a matter of minutes to go online and find that there are other options. I can’t help but to think that they could have done the same thing if they were truly interested in finding another option. I think the only reason they haven’t explored these other options is because they are perfectly content with the way things are.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Yes they need their own mail box. How ridiculous. I don't blame you at all.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I can see both sides. I personally come down on your side but I wouldn't like this myself either. I think the right/wrong of it boils down to, a husband/wife should support their spouse's concern not their family. 

I'm pretty sure this is against the law (I can't swear to it but I think it is). Can't you just report it to the post office and get them to stop it without even telling anyone you are doing it and it will be the Post Office that is the obstacle in the way and not you?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Adults need to have their own physical address or post office box. Do the dad and brother file tax returns? What address do that use for that? How about car registration? Voting records???

It seems like it's more than "just receiving some mail". If they are using your address as their official address then your address is attached to these official records.


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## JoannaG (Apr 19, 2016)

Annoying, yes, but I’m not sure I’d choose this battle to fight.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

They will need to use your address to get/renew a driver's license, as that usually requires at least a couple of bills in their name, with a local, physical address. Regardless, yes, it's an annoyance, and for all but a few bills as mentioned, they really should get a PO Box that allows package delivery - the UPS store would probably be a good one. Seriously, though, unless it opens you to a liability or something, it seems petty and uncharitable to force the issue.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

september_sky said:


> I told him they need to get a P.O. box, but he starts coming up with excuses like “But you can’t get packages delivered to a P.O. box. You can only get pieces of mail. How is my dad going to get his bag of medicine?”


Is your husband a special kinda stupid? People who have PO Boxes GET large items. When they get a large item that doesn't fit in the PO box, they simply put a notice inside the person's PO Box informing them that they have an oversized package to be picked up at the service counter. They do that with ALL oversized mail that doesn't fit into a PO box. I can't believe your husband thinks that you can only get envelopes when you have a PO box. 

What's MUCH more frightening than having their mail delivered to your house is the possibility that they're going to want to move IN to the new place if it's bigger. And I'm assuming it is because you said your husband mentioned that the new place is bigger and you wouldn't see the mail clutter as much because of it.

Rut roh.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> In the UK if someone uses your address and then defaults on a loan the repo men (Baliffs to you Matt) can turn up at your door looking for payment.
> 
> If you don’t have receipts for everything of value in your house the law allows them to assume ownership to pay off the loan.
> 
> ...


These points are interesting. 

I'm not sure if in the USA, the repo man can take your things. I know that they can take the items that were purchased using whatever loan/bill they are repoing. But I don't think they can just go through your home and take random stuff.

The one about accepting illegal items in the mail, I think that the mail belongs to the person whose name is on the mail. So you might be able to talk your way out of that one. But it's probably borderline.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you gift the cost of a mail box to your FIL/BIL? 

I used to have a mail box at a FedEx store. The addresses was not a PO Box address, it was a street address with a number like

Elegirl Smith
1234 SomeStreet #321
Albuquerque, NM 87122

So it looked like a physcial address. We used to get all kinds of packages there. It worked for things that required a physical address too, because it was a physical address.

You might want to look for something like that for them and even help them get it.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Is your husband a special kinda stupid? People who have PO Boxes GET large items. When they get a large item that doesn't fit in the PO box, they simply put a notice inside the person's PO Box informing them that they have an oversized package to be picked up at the service counter. They do that with ALL oversized mail that doesn't fit into a PO box. I can't believe your husband thinks that you can only get envelopes when you have a PO box.


Probably no more "special" than the person who doesn't know that there are many places that refuse to ship to a P.O. Box, period.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

september_sky said:


> Thank you. I understand that my husband doesn’t have a problem with this, but I’ve expressed to him a long time ago that I do. He doesn’t have to agree with it. Just like if my family was doing something that he had a major problem with, I would do something about it, whether I personally felt the same way as him or not. But with him, it’s like instead of putting my wishes first, he wants to try to make everyone happy. But you can’t always make everyone happy. I feel that because I’m his wife, he should care about my happiness first and foremost. Even if he brings the mail in and sorts it so that I don’t have to deal with it, it doesn’t completely fix the issue. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have people using your address when they don’t live in your home. And some of the stories that people have shared on this post are examples of why it’s not a good idea. No, this isn’t the most important issue that we are dealing with, and I never said it was. That doesn’t change the fact that it is an issue though. Obviously it’s not for my husband, but it is for me.
> 
> I also don’t think he gets that letting stuff like this continue on for so long makes me feel resentful toward his family. There was already some resentment toward his dad because when I first started dating my husband, his dad was living with him because he had recently went through a divorce and was paying so much in child support that he supposedly couldn’t afford a place to live. I didn’t have a problem with it but my husband and I had discussed that when we got married, we needed our own space and that his dad would have to figure something else out. However, as our wedding date got closer and closer, his dad still had not made any plans to move out. I kept bringing it up to my husband asking him when he was going to talk to him about it. He just kept making up excuses, saying that he didn’t have to bring it up. He said that his dad was aware that we were about to get married and would want our own space, and that he would move out on his own. He stuck with this story literally all the way up until the day we got married. A week after our wedding, we come back from our honeymoon and his dad is still there, just like I knew he would be. So he finally brings it up to him after we get back from our honeymoon and he ended up moving out shortly after that. My husband let it go on and on and kept putting it off until I was literally about to go nuts just because he didn’t want to tell his dad to leave.
> 
> His family takes advantage of him, although he will never see it that way. Just like he doesn’t think they’re taking advantage of us when it comes to the mail thing. But what other reason would they want to use our address instead of going to the UPS store and getting their own mailbox or P.O. box? The only reason I can think of is that if they use ours, it’s free. It took me a matter of minutes to go online and find that there are other options. I can’t help but to think that they could have done the same thing if they were truly interested in finding another option. I think the only reason they haven’t explored these other options is because they are perfectly content with the way things are.


what i find interesting about this post is the fact that even while dating.......YOU KNEW his family was a problem.

yet you "settled" and let this go by the wayside....or holding out they would get better.

under the circumstances........if the issue now is one of mail simply showing in your mailbox.....you are doing WAY BETTER then what would be expected given their history.

at what point do you accept any blame for the situation? IE not recognizing what you were really marrying into and the strings that come along with it.

look i am sorry for this "nuisance" of their mail on your box.........but after what you wrote above.....i have a hard time grilling your husband when it was clearly shown what his family was like, you choose to tolerate it, and this minor inconveniece could be 100x worse.

people have made all sorts of comments about how bill collectors could show up at your house or this or that......well i have news for you.....if their mail comes to your home or not....the first thing collectors do is start badgering friends and relatives (why do you think they ask for references on a loan application?) when they cant find a debtor.


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