# uncertain and need your help....please!



## lollipoplola (Oct 4, 2009)

if u have read my last post, u know I am 30, married 2yrs, no kids. My mind has been filled with thoughts of divorce. My husband is aware of this but has not changed in the past 10 months. Am I just obsessing or finally coming to grips with the truth?? I just want to feel happy again. It has been a longtime. I value any thoughts.
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## manin_charge (Sep 17, 2009)

I think the best route is just to go through with a divorce, your husband doesn't seem to care about where things are heading or where they are now. I'm in a situation somewhat similar, and it's very frustrating being with someone who doesnt' share the love you do, or even seem to care. My wife just told me today that we should seperate, she has only been to 3 counseling sessions, and she's done even trying. How ridiculous. I think you need to start making yourself happy, because if you don't in the end, you'll be left with nothing. In the long run you'll be thankful, even thought it's very hard. Right now it breaks my heart to think of me and my wife seperating. But now I need to think of my own happiness, because no one else will. I can tell she's given up. All you can do is hope for the best


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## MariaBella (Oct 6, 2009)

Are you normally a happy person? Has your depression surfaced only since you've been married? There seem to be several issues here. Do be careful about the ex, though. That could definitely complicate things, and that sounds like the last thing you need. You say you feel a sense of relief when you think about divorce so maybe you could try a separation.


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## Inturmoil (Sep 22, 2009)

Before you completely give up try and sit your husband down and really lay it on the line! He may know that you are unhappy but doesn't know how to fix it. We men are sometimes blind to a woman's feelings. If you have any love left for him at all I would try this...you might be surprised.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I would consider all other options before you adopt a "scorched earth" policy with your marriage. Please understand by its' very definition, depression skews your thoughts and feelings. As you state you have tried various interventions including meds. Have you tried cognitive therapy? Let the record state that I am not making any sort of medical recommendation here, but I believe cognitive therapy could be be potentially useful to you for the following reasons:

First, CT can help ease the pain of depression, and address the feelings of hopelessness that accompany depression. Second, cognitive therapy can aid you in changing the pessimistic ideas, unrealistic expectations, and overly critical self-evaluations that create depression and help sustain it. Cognitive therapy can also help you recognize which life problems are critical, and which are minor, and help you put things in a better perspective. It can also assist you in developing positive life goals, and a more positive self-assessment. Finally, problem solving therapy is useful for addressing the areas of your life that might be creating significant stress, and contributing to the depression. In your case, as you state your marriage.

Please don't construe the previous as anything other than some friendly information. I am an ortho guy, but I do respect the immense power of the mind. In my humble opinion, you'll need to address the aforementioned issues what ever path you choose, otherwise you'll likely just be running into another fire. P.S. stay away from the ex. Remember that that relationship failed for a reason, so don't go back to it. Instead, work on the one "you've got". Best of luck. LIL


then hopefully you are familiar with cognitive interventions


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## lollipoplola (Oct 4, 2009)

I have been in individual therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for over a year. With the ex out of the picture I still feel empty. My husband spends his time coldshouldering me and I don't know what to do. He is supposed to set up a MC appt, but has failed to do so. What should I do...so horribly confused.
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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Give him the cold shoulder and move on. If he comes around, it won't be because you asked or begged! It will be his choice.

Now it's up to you to live the best life you can. Be the best you. It sucks. It's difficult and sometimes forced. However, many people are in your shoes here and can sympathize...including me.


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