# Snubbing my BF



## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

During the time prior to my separation and after I complained a lot to my BF. She listened, gave her two cents and expressed her dislike for my H. Now, H & I are working toward saving our marriage and my BF is feeling snubbed that I don't speak to her. 

I haven't shared with her what's going on with my marriage, I don't want to hear her input. I don't want to have my personal marriage business out there like that. I don't want her to have conversations with her H about what's going on in my life. So I know I am shutting her out. I know I am intentionally not being open with her. And I have told her on more than one occasion that I will talk with her when I am ready. 

Anyone have experience with this? And how to somehow maintain friendships that you know have changed? Because your marriage situation changed you?

Lots on my mind this morning!


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

I would say to just be honest with her. Sit her down and tell her that you really appreciated her being there for you when you were going through such a difficult time, but now that you and your husband are back together , you feel you no longer need to confide with her about issues regarding your husband, since it will only damage your relationship now.


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

I get the impression with her that she is a gossip/drama junkie, so it's hard to allow her back in my inner circle. She won't repeat anything with anyone but her husband, but I don't want that either.

I will chew on this awhile longer, last night she sent me a text stating that I have never shut her out this long before if that says anything about how close we were. I admit, my actions were not productive or condusive to my marriage and I am attempting to adjust my behavior.


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## BraveLady (Apr 13, 2013)

InOverMyHeart said:


> Anyone have experience with this? And how to somehow maintain friendships that you know have changed? Because your marriage situation changed you?
> 
> Lots on my mind this morning!


I have stopped talking to my BF too. I can't stand the criticism she was handing out. I know she has my best interest at heart, but I need support, not her telling me how awful my H is. She said that no one ever leaves a marriage unless its for sex and I need to leave town, close bank accounts and smarten up. Not what I wanted to hear. So I am alone in this, and that's why I am posting here.


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

BL, Yeah... I wish I had not listened to her or to family. But now I am repairing burned bridges with my H and I have to do the same with family. I think my parents will be harder, they do not like my H at all. I don't want to hear what they have to say. Like you I need support, knowing that I am making the right decision and any negativity is not productive. 

The thing about my BF is she has been married for 15 years. She goes thru the ups and downs with her H, so I figured she would be a good sounding board. What I discovered was she enjoyed my misery and once I left my H, she disappeared. Made her H the priority in her life, I sometimes wonder if my situation helped her appreciate her life. I am a little angry at her for not being supportive of my marriage. I need time before I allow her back in my life.


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## frazaled (Jan 20, 2012)

I am in a similar situation when this all happened I said to my sister and best friend that I wanted her support and love .
she however thinks I should have left and while is ok to H in front of me bags him out to others and we have stopped hanging out and talking and its both of us not just one of us she only calls me if she wants me to have my niece and nephews for the night.
as my WH affair was with a close friend I basically no longer talk to anyone as all our friends were mutual and I just cant look at these people some of how knew it was happening and feel sorry for her because her husband cheated on her and they were divorced about a year before the A with my WH that she has been through so much grrr.
this affair business is very lonely well for me anyway.


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

BF's are good to have but your H comes first. The problem is that you told her about your problems and so she only thinks about what a jerk your H is. She wasn't in the room when You and H decided to make things better. My H and I get along really well but something huge happened last summer..I haven't posted it as of yet because I'm not really looking for advice...but, I never told my BF anything about the issue because it's not her business and she cant do or say anything to change it. It was just between my H and I...ok and maybe my mom too. You could just tell your Bf that you want to be friends but that your marriage issues are private and that you regret complaining about your H etc. if she can't drop the subject then find another friend and try never to bash H with anyone because nothing good ever comes out of that...in the future, you can complain here with strangers if the need to vent occurs.


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