# Trip with Grandparents



## Chris Smith (Jun 8, 2015)

My wife's parents want to take our kids to Disneyworld next spring, during their spring break.

I don't want that to happen. Here is why:

1. I am off spring break and want my time off with my kids.
2. I am (perhaps unreasonably) scared of having my kids 1,500 miles away from me.

This also involves issues with my wife's family. They have no investment in my kids. I took a job close to them so the kids could know their grandparents (my parents too) and they very soon moved across the country. This is not really important as life happens. But when we do get a chance to visit, my in laws never seem interested in spending any time alone with the kids. For example, most people while visiting grandparents have spouse time. My wife and me don't get that with my inlaws. We cannot go out with each other at all. We must all stay together. And they do not interact with the kids hardly at all. The result of this has been they don't know my kids. Certainly not well enough to justify this kind of trip.

One possibility is that we could all go. That might not work, however, since we (including these same inlaws) already have a trip to Disneyland scheduled over Christmas. So we might not have the money to go. (No idea how much DL is going to cost yet.) Furthermore, our roof was destroyed by hail this summer and we are not sure how much that is going to cost. So, a trip for all of us might not be possible.

My parents are very vested in my kids. They know them. And I can be certain that if my parents had wanted to do this I would have told them no, due to reasons 1 and 2 above.

My wife mentioned this to me while I was in a meeting at work and told her we'd have to talk about it later. We have not yet. I am afraid, however, that the trip is already planned. I am scared to bring this up, because my wife and I are already at the edge of divorce. I'm walking on eggshells and am afraid that the only way I can have a civil conversation about this is if I say "This is great idea. I have no concerns whatsoever. And even if I did, my opinion does not matter."

If my kids go on this trip without my consent, or even my input, I will resent it deeply. 

What do I do?

(To give you an example of what I am dealing with, here's a story: For our trip to Disneyland, the plan was to rent a 15 passenger van to drive from Las Vegas to LA. I asked my wife we should drive our own cars because 1) she has Rheumatoid Arthritis and needs to be in a comfortable car with a driver that understands her need to stop often. 2) 15 passenger vans are not safe, and 3) my nieces and nephews scream all the time. I was told to butt out and that my suggestion ruined everything. This was kept between my wife and me. I did not tell her sister that I did not want to be stuck in a car with her 4 kids for several hours.)


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ugh, I don't blame you for not wanting to be in a 15 person van! Who the hell thought that would be fun?

How old are your kids?


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

The one time you should not walk on egg shells is when it comes to your kids and their well being. You should voice all of your concerns and take the fallout. 

It does not make you a better father or husband to stifle your concerns about the trip. These are your kids and no matter what your wife her parents think you have a right to your concerns and any decisions you make about your children's well being.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You are their dad, and your concerns are valid. If you feel this strongly you should say no to the trip and your wife should support you in this.

The decision should be made by you and your wife - not her parents.

Do the kids know about the trip? How old are they?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Chris I think you need to talk to your wife about this. At the same time it also feels like your comparing her parents to yours and their styles to each other. Remember that your wife's parents raised her to be the woman you chose to marry. I understand your concerns by the way. I also think time with people who love them is really healthy for you kids unless you think your wife's parents aren't responsible enough to watch them.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You have equal say in your kids lives as you wife and more say than any other family member. 

Is it possible for you all to go but you and your wife spend the time together while the GP's take the kids to Disneyland? That way you are not so far from your kids, you and your wife get some quality time together and the GPs still get to take the kids to DL.


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