# Drinking causing problems, I think... just need advice



## louisianachic1986 (Aug 24, 2012)

Hello, I'm new here and just need advice
I am 26 on my 2nd marriage, I am currently due to have my 4th child (2nd child with now husband). I will have to admit that when i'm not pregnant I enjoy drinking my beers but I don't drink to get drunk and pass out. My husband on the other hand will spend all his money on beer whether we need it for something else or not. He drinks just to get drunk and now and days he has been having anger issues. Every time he reaches a certain limit his personality changes and finds something to fight about. 
We recently moved and I have been doing all the unpacking and scrubbing because this place was filthy. I mean 9 months preg and climbing ladders to dust ceiling fans, walls, the ceiling, while he sits there and watches. He always has to call someone to come over and hang out, (which everyone leaves there mess for me to clean) we never have family time. Sorry feel as if i'm just rambling on, I just don't know what to do. He basically seems to be wanting to avoid me and I give him my all. Is it that I am just thinking that. He said he will never quit drinking and his friends come before me. I don't want to loose him and would be lost without him around, he's my best friend and I just need someone to talk to because I don't have him to talk to anymore. I've tried and he doesn't pay any mind to what I tell him.


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## DrunkenH (Jul 29, 2012)

As a recovering alcoholic, I'm sorry to tell you that there isn't really anything you can do to make him stop. If he ever changes it will be because he decided to all on his own. God knows my wife tried everything with me to no avail. Unfortunately, she was long gone by the time I sobered up with zero intention of coming back. Frankly the only eason I stopped was because I was facing certain and looming death I was so bad. That was the only wake up call that worked, in my case.

My best advice to you is what I tell all spouses of drunks: You have to decide what you're willing to live with and make a choice about what works best for you.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Agree with DrunkenH. 

Take the next indicated step for yourself. The power is in you. He sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility of a family.


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## louisianachic1986 (Aug 24, 2012)

Thank you drunkenH and Sara...
Sara that is what has really been on my mind, don't get me wrong he loves our little girl, but he would rather hang out with his friends then us.
I try everything to try and avoid an argument, when he wants to go somewhere I agree to go whether a want to or not, because i've learned if I tell him i'm not up for going it causes problems. And if it's me wanting to go some place I gets me to go by myself, he doesn't want to go. Today after all the down low things that he said to me last night and remembering some of it as I didn't have much to say. He tried to act like nothing ever happened and all is ok. I want to talk to him, but seems every time I tell him how I feel he doesn't pay any mind


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Do you guys talk about this? If that doesn't seem productive, have you considered marriage counseling? 

It's possible to love someone, yet not want to take responsibility for them. Taking responsibility for a family requires maturity, courage, discipline. Some people don't develop this until their late 20's.


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