# regrets anyone?



## ferndog

I rarely think about this but I guess tonight is different.

my beautiful gf, met her at 15. her eyes so sparkly. her lips so thin and soft. and that beautiful smile.

but that laughter. boy i tell you, that laughter of hers did something to my soul. I can still hear it so clear. 

I guess if someone would ask me what I miss most about her. I would say hearing her laughter.

she was a walk away wife. it stunned me so awful when I found out she was leaving.

I questioned everything, about her, about me about us. and i was left to figure it out by myself. 

she did so so much for me, that i honestly believe my love for her had such a strong affect on me that i fell into depression. 

see, i loved her so much. that when her mother died. I saw her pain and her laughter would be silent. for a very long time I would see tears in her sparkly eyes.

I grew frustrated that I could not bring her mother back who in fact was a very beautiful person. one of the most loving persons i have ever met. her untimely death caused her to miss our wedding in 2004 and our divorce in 2011. 

my ex left because i was no longer her fernie as she knew me. i told her i would return to the man i was. and she said "i won't believe you fernie" as she cried through the phone

it is a long road this road of recovery. but i am now a functioning person. and in march 2014 i will reach my last goal i set up for myself. 

so my regret is that my beautiful x wife will never know that i kept my promise. a year ago i found out she had moved on. and i knew that this long journey i had to face alone. 

i have had offers to date and sometimes i do but it never gets to anything physical because that laughter, and those sparkly eyes still dance in my soul. 

what is your regret?
thanx for sharing in advance


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## Jellybeans

Today I feel like I have no regrets. Everything that has happened has led me to typing these words on this computer to you right now.


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## angelpixie

It's hard for me to just say the words 'I have no regrets,' but functionally, I think that's how I feel. There are plenty of things I wish I'd done differently, but when I really look at those things in context, I realize that there were reasons for the things I did or didn't do. If I had acted differently, there's absolutely no proof or guarantee that things would have turned out better. I wasn't in my marriage by myself, and I didn't act in a vacuum. In the long run, I can't and don't regret marrying him. Little things along the way, sure -- those I regret. But the most important thing to me is to understand *why* I did the things I did and didn't do, and to learn from them.


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## Pbartender

Right now, my only real regret is not filing that court order for temporary support much, much sooner.


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## ferndog

Lol. Interesting responses. I'm sure each one of you has a story to tell. This post was created for all of you (and myself) to come here and feel free to share anything you wish that may help you or others through your experience. 

I do not hate my ex. I accepted my part (which was a big part) and I let go of my anger an only love remains both for her and myself. One day I hope to love again or at least to love being alone. It will take more time I suppose since I don't open up so easily. 

I guess I still get a feeling of sadness how I loved her so much and I had no say in staying together. I'm 37 now. 
Never dated since I was with her from age 15-35. I still feel lost or confused about the process. But I guess it will come later because I still need things to do alone . 
Sad at times and happy at times.

I rarely sit down and think of those last events because it brings up so many questions that I do not know the answers too.

Not knowing is the worst of really why she left . 

Well anyway. Yes feel free to keep sharing.

One quick question though. Why do people change so much? I mean people love each other and marry then they hate each other in court. Fight for money etc. ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dedicated2Her

Regrets? I can look at myself, and I can say I did everything I could do to save my marriage. That process turned me into a fun filled, happy, cool person. I love life, and dating has been so much fun! I am now my very own upgrade. Too bad for my ex, so good for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

Dedicated2Her said:


> Regrets? I can look at myself, and I can say I did everything I could do to save my marriage. That process turned me into a fun filled, happy, cool person. I love life, and dating has been so much fun! I am now my very own upgrade. Too bad for my ex, so good for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like this very much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

I regret agreeing to buying a house that I didn't even want just to please him....while he was in the middle of an affair....(I didn't know that at the time)

Its the one thing that just really really really really really makes me disappointed in myself.


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## ferndog

vi_bride04 said:


> I regret agreeing to buying a house that I didn't even want just to please him....while he was in the middle of an affair....(I didn't know that at the time)
> 
> Its the one thing that just really really really really really makes me disappointed in myself.


If anything this just shows how much u were willing to do for your marriage. Buying a house to please your partner is a very big show of love. You should be proud of your part. It sounds more like a regret he should have of not seeing this beautiful action by your part
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CEL

Great topic. So regrets? I can honestly say I don't regret much if at all. I don't regret leaving as I was tremendously unhappy. I don't regret being honest for months on how unhappy I was. I don't regret reading books on relationships to know how to make a healthy one. I don't regret being nice to her and making sure she had support to get through it. I don't regret comforting her. 

I don't even regret the past 9 years. I was not ready for the insights I have gained. I think that the last 9 years had there place. Even if I had all these insights they would not of meant anything to me 9 years ago. I would of never taken them to heart I needed the pain of the last years to make me see how much I needed to work on me. Really the insights and help came at the time I was ready to accept them. For that I am VERY grateful. Those years pushed me grow as a person and now I can look in the mirror somedays and say hey I love you and it now be lie.

As for why people change well sometimes like me we go into relationships broken and we seek out bad things we go TOWARD situations that will hurt us. And then slowly so damn slowly we grow to understand that fact and we get help then we realize we are not that person.


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## Paradise

Very good topic. I have to admit, I do regret LOTs of things, but I think I can say that about my entire life and not just my marriage and divorce. 

I have a beautiful child so to say I regret my marriage is not right. I think I learned from a lot of things that happened. I now have a better understanding of my "gut instincts" and I have learned to listen to them better. I could say I regret the year I wasted trying to save the marriage while my ex was in an affair but, hell, I didn't know she was doing that. I could also regret the way I acted a lot of times as I know I was a complete A$$ and while I may be ashamed of the way I acted I also know I've tried my best to learn from it.


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## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: regrets anyone?*



ferndog said:


> If anything this just shows how much u were willing to do for your marriage. Buying a house to please your partner is a very big show of love. You should be proud of your part. It sounds more like a regret he should have of not seeing this beautiful action by your part
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really never ever looked at it that way.......

All I saw was him using me for my credit and wanting this house since it was so close to his work him and his AP could go there on lunch.....litterally was a 10min walk from the house

Yes, he was my husband and I did want to make him happy....just regret not standing up for myself in what I wanted in a house vs him convincing me to buy the POS I currently own. He got it in the divorce but abandoned it 2 months ago so now I am left to deal with a house that I absolutely hate. It puts me in a bad mood...lol


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## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: regrets anyone?*



CEL said:


> Great topic. So regrets? I can honestly say I don't regret much if at all. I don't regret leaving as I was tremendously unhappy. I don't regret being honest for months on how unhappy I was. I don't regret reading books on relationships to know how to make a healthy one. I don't regret being nice to her and making sure she had support to get through it. I don't regret comforting her.
> 
> I don't even regret the past 9 years. I was not ready for the insights I have gained. I think that the last 9 years had there place. Even if I had all these insights they would not of meant anything to me 9 years ago. I would of never taken them to heart I needed the pain of the last years to make me see how much I needed to work on me. Really the insights and help came at the time I was ready to accept them. For that I am VERY grateful. Those years pushed me grow as a person and now I can look in the mirror somedays and say hey I love you and it now be lie.
> 
> As for why people change well sometimes like me we go into relationships broken and we seek out bad things we go TOWARD situations that will hurt us. And then slowly so damn slowly we grow to understand that fact and we get help then we realize we are not that person.


Thank you for this post. I have been reflecting on myself quite a bit this past month and have been having these same types of thoughts. My journey started 7 yrs ago....and I'm thankful for all of it. As painful as its been it, I wouldn't change a thing....well...besides the house thing  LOL


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## CEL

vi_bride04 said:


> Thank you for this post. I have been reflecting on myself quite a bit this past month and have been having these same types of thoughts. My journey started 7 yrs ago....and I'm thankful for all of it. As painful as its been it, I wouldn't change a thing....well...besides the house thing  LOL


Shyte I am with you on that front. Own a house with the X now got to decide what the hell to do with the thing. Can't sell it we would take away debt from it. Not sure she can make the payments on it not sure I WANT to make the payments on it. But hey we always got ourselves ya know? Oh and our friends it amazed me how many people wanted to spend time with me once I finally came out of the darkness so many good people just waiting for me.  I can honestly say I have not been this happy in years.


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## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> I really never ever looked at it that way.......
> 
> All I saw was him using me for my credit and wanting this house since it was so close to his work him and his AP could go there on lunch.....litterally was a 10min walk from the house
> 
> Yes, he was my husband and I did want to make him happy....just regret not standing up for myself in what I wanted in a house vs him convincing me to buy the POS I currently own. He got it in the divorce but abandoned it 2 months ago so now I am left to deal with a house that I absolutely hate. It puts me in a bad mood...lol


*#3*


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## ferndog

Paradise said:


> Very good topic. I have to admit, I do regret LOTs of things, but I think I can say that about my entire life and not just my marriage and divorce.
> 
> I have a beautiful child so to say I regret my marriage is not right. I think I learned from a lot of things that happened. I now have a better understanding of my "gut instincts" and I have learned to listen to them better. I could say I regret the year I wasted trying to save the marriage while my ex was in an affair but, hell, I didn't know she was doing that. I could also regret the way I acted a lot of times as I know I was a complete A$$ and while I may be ashamed of the way I acted I also know I've tried my best to learn from it.


I feel you on that part about learning . Shows you accept your part and becoming a better person . Many dont . Many just point fingers. When people ask me about my ex I always say good things about her. When they ask "well she was a walk away wife and surprised you with divorce" I always say yes, shows I need to communicate more so I can know what people are feeling. 
In other words it was both our faults. And the only thing I can do is correct my part.

Glad your doing better
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

vi_bride04 said:


> Thank you for this post. I have been reflecting on myself quite a bit this past month and have been having these same types of thoughts. My journey started 7 yrs ago....and I'm thankful for all of it. As painful as its been it, I wouldn't change a thing....well...besides the house thing  LOL


Lol.

No problem. I just always hear how awful and hateful the process of divorce is with couples. So I did this post just wondering how people deal with life after D. I have nothing but love for my ex. I truly wish her a life of happiness because my love for her is true. I often wonder if ill ever reach that happiness with someone else in the future. Time will tell I guess. 

She was a beautiful person inside and out. Hope she still is. She's gonna miss the best fernie cause I've grown so much. 

Good thing I like my own company 

Feel free to share anything that will help you or others. I love learning from people
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: regrets anyone?*



Pbartender said:


> *#3*


Are you saying something is a #3 or that you are the 3rd person that regrets buying a house with their ex?? Lol


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## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Are you saying something is a #3 or that you are the 3rd person that regrets buying a house with their ex?? Lol


Buying a house that he wanted that you did not was a huge #3...

And yeah, the house my X and I bought 3 years ago was also a #3, not so much because I didn't like the house, but because we really weren't ready to buy one at the time and because I pretty much ended up footing the bill for it until I moved out last weekend, and because I'll probably take a big hit to my credit rating since she can't afford to keep it and she won't be able to refinance. But I was all gung-ho about buying it anyway, because she wanted a house.

But, it was my choice and my mistake, so I'll eat my goddamn lemons and deal with the consequences as best I can.

As Gloria Gaynor says... I will survive. :smthumbup:


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## EnjoliWoman

I do have regrets, lots of them, a ton of them. Big and little. Although I prefer to not dwell on them. I can't change the past so it's really just a waste of time.


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## tulsy

I've had my share of regrets...I think it's normal to look back and wish you had done things differently, even if you think it's what made you who you are today.

My biggest....I regret ever getting married to my ex. I regret staying married to my ex for so long. I regret putting up with the scraps she threw in my direction, but I honestly felt trapped, as a husband and father. I felt trapped to my job, trapped to being a provider, and trapped to my preconceived ideas of what marriage is, based on what religion and family had shown me in life.

...but I don't regret divorce. Now I'm only partially trapped, financially for another 3 to 5 years, and I am with someone who never throws me scraps. I feel love and I feel loved.

Life gets better if you have the gumption to do something about it.


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## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Buying a house that he wanted that you did not was a huge #3...
> 
> And yeah, the house my X and I bought 3 years ago was also a #3, not so much because I didn't like the house, but because we really weren't ready to buy one at the time and because I pretty much ended up footing the bill for it until I moved out last weekend, and because I'll probably take a big hit to my credit rating since she can't afford to keep it and she won't be able to refinance. But I was all gung-ho about buying it anyway, because she wanted a house.
> 
> *But, it was my choice and my mistake, so I'll eat my goddamn lemons and deal with the consequences as best I can.*
> 
> As Gloria Gaynor says... I will survive. :smthumbup:


Yup. Thats where I'm at with everything now. It took a little while to get to that mindset instead of playing victim of "he just used me...he fvcked me over" It was my decision, I signed the paperwork, now I have to deal with the consequences. 

I'm not that familiar with the whole #3 stuff...a little bit but not very much...


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## Garry2012

ferndog said:


> If anything this just shows how much u were willing to do for your marriage. Buying a house to please your partner is a very big show of love. You should be proud of your part. It sounds more like a regret he should have of not seeing this beautiful action by your part
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I bought my current house, more than i wanted to pay, because she loved it. Only to have her say " i wasnt man enough to tell her no".

I am somewhat proud for all I DID do to try and save the marriage--while she did nothing. 

Regrets, not really. I wish I took her actions more seriously and acted faster on some things...but I didnt anticipate the speed of the process.


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## hereinthemidwest

I married my HS sweetheart. Married 26 years. Do I have regrets. A few. That I didn't end it sooner. The embarrassment it cause me and emotional hurt. Be a long time before I trust again.

Married 1983
he cheated 1984
he cheated 1994
webcam / chic 1998
he started affair 2007 I found out 2009 kicked him out.

I came home two weeks later he's standing out in my neighbors driveway grilling out with her and her son. When his own son was home alone. 

NOW 2013 his relationship with cupcake...is sour. He's Started texting.. YOUR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. lol Trust me I will never FALL FOR HIS **** AGAIN. Screw him! I can't believe I wasted sooo many years. 

Learning to rebuild mylife and trust again. I WILL


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## ferndog

hereinthemidwest said:


> I married my HS sweetheart. Married 26 years. Do I have regrets. A few. That I didn't end it sooner. The embarrassment it cause me and emotional hurt. Be a long time before I trust again.
> 
> Married 1983
> he cheated 1984
> he cheated 1994
> webcam / chic 1998
> he started affair 2007 I found out 2009 kicked him out.
> 
> I came home two weeks later he's standing out in my neighbors driveway grilling out with her and her son. When his own son was home alone.
> 
> NOW 2013 his relationship with cupcake...is sour. He's Started texting.. YOUR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. lol Trust me I will never FALL FOR HIS **** AGAIN. Screw him! I can't believe I wasted sooo many years.
> 
> Learning to rebuild mylife and trust again. I WILL


 Sorry to hear that. I don't know how it is to cheat on a loved one. I wouldn't be able to look In the mirror if I did
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hereinthemidwest

It's ok Ferndog I had two wonderful kids. Guess I wasn't prepared for the war afterward. It amazes in Illinois a person can have affair you decide enough is enough and they sue for maintenance. I know it's crazy. His lifestyle changed. He was thinking with his warhead and not his forehead that's for sure. Sad that I don't even respect him as my kids father.


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## ferndog

I do not know how to give up on someone. That is the biggest challenge I have. I do not know how to turn my back. Especially when I have my word. I know many naturally can. I just can't seem to. I value my promises. 
When I meet my goal in march , I have no idea how I will feel or react after. For now I am occupied with that. I am disappointed in myself and hurt that she doesn't believe in me. That she does not love me. She must dislike me very much to get rid of me the way she did. That was so awful so hurtful. When I saw the movie life of pi and towards the end when the guy speaks of the tiger going away. Those words are exactly what I feel when I think of her.

Well I better stop thinking about it. Have a grey Friday and weekend everyone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012

ferndog said:


> Sorry to hear that. I don't know how it is to cheat on a loved one. I wouldn't be able to look In the mirror if I did
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I probably say " i couldnt look myself in the mirror" everyday regarding what my ex did, and is doing, to me. People are different I guess. Some have strong moral fiber, many dont. We live in a society that thrives on "being happy/living the life". People always want all the good things they see everyone else having--its their "right" their "entitled" to get all the happiness and material things someone else has. Life doesnt work that way.


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## angelpixie

ferndog said:


> I do not know how to give up on someone. That is the biggest challenge I have. I do not know how to turn my back. Especially when I have my word. I know many naturally can. I just can't seem to. I value my promises.
> When I meet my goal in march , I have no idea how I will feel or react after. For now I am occupied with that. *I am disappointed in myself and hurt that she doesn't believe in me. That she does not love me. She must dislike me very much to get rid of me the way she did. That was so awful so hurtful. *When I saw the movie life of pi and towards the end when the guy speaks of the tiger going away. Those words are exactly what I feel when I think of her.
> 
> Well I better stop thinking about it. Have a grey Friday and weekend everyone
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have to let this go, ferndog, if you want to be able to heal. Yes, it hurts when the person we love most lets go of us, but we cannot let it define us. Her choice to not believe you is a reflection on her, not a judgement on you. It feels like they are passing a final judgement on our worthiness, but in the course of our entire lives, the ex is only one person, who has flaws just like we do. (and I have to tell myself the same things periodically  )

You are spending this time to work through things and take care of yourself, and that's great. It will be her loss, but then again that choice was hers to make, and she chose to miss out on the result of all that work. Look forward to finding someone who will appreciate you for who you are.


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## ferndog

angelpixie said:


> You are spending this time to work through things and take care of yourself, and that's great. It will be her loss, but then again that choice was hers to make, and she chose to miss out on the result of all that work. Look forward to finding someone who will appreciate you for who you are.


Yes I agree. I have to appreciate myself before anyone else does and I cannot say I completely do yet. But I will . I made mistakes and I learned from them. I read somewhere that it takes a person one year of healing for every 5 they were in a relationship. So I guess I need two more years. We shall see
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

ferndog said:


> Yes I agree. I have to appreciate myself before anyone else does and I cannot say I completely do yet. But I will . I made mistakes and I learned from them. I read somewhere that it takes a person one year of healing for every 5 they were in a relationship. So I guess I need two more years. We shall see
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We'll bring OVS back so you can learn by teaching.


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## maincourse99

I regret not divorcing her in 2007 after her first PA. She used me for the next 6 years. If I ever remarry, and she cheats, no second chance.


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## Cinema79

- I regret giving her another chance and not reading more into her character when she made out with some random guy at a bar literally 2 days after I dumped her while dating. And she lied about doing that. I should have had some self-respect and walked away and never talked to her again. 

- I regret spending so much time at work in our first year of marriage. It wasn't like I was trying to avoid her, it's just that my workload was crazy and it needed to be done - but I also needed to be home. 

- I regret not praising her and appreciating every phone call she placed to me while at work to see how I was doing. 

- I regret not sending more loving texts, or doing sweet little unexpected gestures. Maybe more flowers, a bracelet, just things she really liked. Sometimes, I felt that she felt I didn't appreciate her. 

- I regret marrying her after only knowing her for a little more than a year. I should have dated her for two or three years, and really tested our relationship. I married her in the honeymoon phase. 

- I regret giving my heart so fully to someone so materialistic, so shallow, so selfish, so non-empathetic, so hateful. 

- I regret loving someone who never really loved me. Her ability to move on so quickly after our divorce proved it.


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## Freak On a Leash

Well, I regret getting married. But I wasn't the same person in 1987 that I am today. I'm not one to look back and dwell on what was. What's done is done. Besides, if I hadn't gotten married I wouldn't have my kids and that would be a real loss in my life. 

But marriage isn't for me. I don't lay all the blame for my failed marriage on my ex husband because a lot of the fault was mine. I am just not someone who should've been married. Every fiber of my being rebelled against it for the past 20 years and now that I'm not married I realize what a mistake it really was. 

I guess my biggest concrete regret is that I didn't file for divorce a lot sooner. I guess I should've listened to my daughter..she said to do it 3 years ago when we first separated. She was right.


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## Freak On a Leash

I wouldn't give in to the whole "buying a house thing". Didn't want a house and was scared to be tied down financially, both to a house and to my ex husband. Thank goodness I listened to myself. That and keeping a separate bank account saved me. 

It might've hurt the marriage but it saved me in the end.


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## ferndog

Freak On a Leash said:


> I wouldn't give in to the whole "buying a house thing". Didn't want a house and was scared to be tied down financially, both to a house and to my ex husband. Thank goodness I listened to myself. That and keeping a separate bank account saved me.
> 
> It might've hurt the marriage but it saved me in the end.


Wondering if there were any reasons for feeling like this. Such as was he bad to you, cheated, used drugs, etc? 
And how do you deal with him now (I assume you do because you have kids together
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

ferndog said:


> Wondering if there were any reasons for feeling like this. Such as was he bad to you, cheated, used drugs, etc?
> And how do you deal with him now (I assume you do because you have kids together


Well, it's all here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/62612-after-2-years-its-finally-going-happen.html

Yes, he was bad to me, alcoholic, emotionally abusive, etc, etc. I just ignore him now. I haven't talked to him since May.

He pays no support and when he wants to see my 15 year old son or my son wants to see him they work it out among themselves. I'm out of the loop completely. Best thing I ever did. I'd rather have no money and not have to deal with him. Worked out awesome in the end. :smthumbup:

I never trusted my husband completely. Come to think of it, I don't trust ANYONE completely and for good reason. The longer I live the more I'm convinced that I'm right. 

I guess I go by the words of the Korn song "Play Me"..

_Trust nobody
I don't know who to call a friend
They all just pretend to be_

I never wanted a house because I find that people who own houses are prisoners to them. They need maintenance, work, money, etc. While I'm out having a good time doing fun stuff they are stuck at home cleaning their house, raking leaves, fixing stuff, etc, etc...NO thanks! Ugh. 

And the cost involved in owning/maintaining a house..no thanks. My ex tried to get me to invest some of my money into a house and I said "We can buy a house but could we afford to own one?" This was doing the time where EVERYONE was getting loans to buy a house and everyone told me I was crazy to keep renting 

Well, I bought a red Miata instead and had a blast driving it around. Then the housing market crashed and everyone else had worthless homes they couldn't sell. I sold my Miata and bought a Jeep Wrangler. Total win-win. :smthumbup:

I live in an apartment and love it. I'll never own a house because a house owns you. Not for me.


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## ferndog

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, it's all here:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/62612-after-2-years-its-finally-going-happen.html
> 
> Yes, he was bad to me, alcoholic, emotionally abusive, etc, etc. I just ignore him now. I haven't talked to him since May.
> 
> He pays no support and when he wants to see my 15 year old son or my son wants to see him they work it out among themselves. I'm out of the loop completely. Best thing I ever did. I'd rather have no money and not have to deal with him. Worked out awesome in the end. :smthumbup:
> 
> I never trusted my husband completely. Come to think of it, I don't trust ANYONE completely and for good reason. The longer I live the more I'm convinced that I'm right.
> 
> I guess I go by the words of the Korn song "Play Me"..
> 
> _Trust nobody
> I don't know who to call a friend
> They all just pretend to be_
> 
> I never wanted a house because I find that people who own houses are prisoners to them. They need maintenance, work, money, etc. While I'm out having a good time doing fun stuff they are stuck at home cleaning their house, raking leaves, fixing stuff, etc, etc...NO thanks! Ugh.
> 
> And the cost involved in owning/maintaining a house..no thanks. My ex tried to get me to invest some of my money into a house and I said "We can buy a house but could we afford to own one?" This was doing the time where EVERYONE was getting loans to buy a house and everyone told me I was crazy to keep renting
> 
> Well, I bought a red Miata instead and had a blast driving it around. Then the housing market crashed and everyone else had worthless homes they couldn't sell. I sold my Miata and bought a Jeep Wrangler. Total win-win. :smthumbup:
> 
> I live in an apartment and love it. I'll never own a house because a house owns you. Not for me.


 Lol you have an interesting view on owning a house. I think if one plans everything can work out.

For instance. I would not want to get stuck paying a house for 30 years. But I am currently saving and would like to buy one. Giving over 50% down so my payments will be very low and I can love comfortably. And pay it off within another 5 years after that. If one plans ahead and sticks with it. Good things can happen.

Oh and sorry about the way your ex is. I believe people can really change if they work hard enough at it and recognize their faults . Many let hate blind them . I didn't let that happen to me. I was depressed and my ex suffered by it. I told her I would change and she said "I won't believe you ". Well I have changed so much and still changing because I stay focused. 

I do not hold a gruge or anger because my ex was and is beautiful to me. I love her and once I am who I want to be I will look for someone I can share my life with. 

I don't think I can ever turn my back on my ex though. If one day she would need my help I wouldn't deny it to her. She gave up on me but I did not give up on myself 
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