# Default



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Does anyone knows what really happens when a divorce goes into DEFAULT? My STBEH never responded to the papers served on him.

I'm in California and from what I've read on the court website, it says the judge will most likely give the petitioner what they have asked for.

I wonder if he can still change or disagree with what I have and screw me over?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Yeah, that's how my divorce was in Cali. Long story short I didn't send them back ($400 filing fee due to a mistake) and a month later we had a date for mediation for six months after the papers were filed. 

He can't change a thing because he basically said "I agree by default" so it's going to be up to mediation to whether or not you go to court. If you can't agree then you move on from mediation to court to have the judge settle things.

Your best bet is to take these 4-6 months you have and really study up on the divorce laws, possibly lawyer up, and read as much as you can on everything from body language to NLP and negotiation..... 

This is super important! You have to be ready for any stressful situation to occur and defuse his attack against you in court by gentle coercion. You will "act as if" you're happy as hell to be divorced and like this is no big deal. I kid you not, I saw my cheating wife break down in tears harder and harder the happier I was and didn't care. Fighting only gives them leverage to bash you. 

I say talk to a lawyer so you can present your case of him abandoning you and cheating..... there's no law against adultery in California but the right prosecution case can keep him from obtaining full custody. The judge wont care about the he said she said but he will if your husband was abusive or abandoned them in a big way.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I have yet to trod this path but as you know, I'm not far behind you. I don't know: I suggest asking the courthouse legal help guy what happens next.

I know in a civil suit if they don't respond within the 30 days you ask and get the default judgement and 30 days after that you can start collecting or garnishing their paycheck. But divorce in CA has the mandatory 6 mth waiting period so I don't know what happens in that period or what could happen with the defendant suddenly taking interest in the case. Keep us updated.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

The default defendant can't do much. 

I mean if he tries to move finances around so you can't collect on it, that's illegal and he could face harsher court rulings. The only thing he could do is try to file false allegations of child/spouse abuse which is why you need to document, document, document any and all threats or awkward behavior of his. If he tries to make false claims you could slam him with proof he's lying. But not a lot of stbx spouses are that vindictive...... which is also why you have to agree with him to keep the peace and avoid fighting.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I know he has stopped working his second job last week. This has been a consistent job for the past 3 years. I think it's because he doesn't want to have to pay more in child support since it's based on a pay scale? 

There have been so many verbal threats that I do write it down and document it. I don't know if I can use it in court, but I write it down for just in case. 

I didn't think I needed to get an attorney/lawyer until over the weekend when he told me he was going to fight me on everything. He was going to make sure I get nothing from him. My assumption from what I read, was that since he had missed his 30 days and I had filed for Default last Monday, he can't fight for 50% of the kids and pay less support. I'm getting really nervous and scared now.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, that's how my divorce was in Cali. Long story short I didn't send them back ($400 filing fee due to a mistake) and a month later we had a date for mediation for six months after the papers were filed.
> 
> *He can't change a thing because he basically said "I agree by default" so it's going to be up to mediation to whether or not you go to court. If you can't agree then you move on from mediation to court to have the judge settle things.*
> 
> ...


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I know he has stopped working his second job last week. This has been a consistent job for the past 3 years. I think it's because he doesn't want to have to pay more in child support since it's based on a pay scale?
> 
> There have been so many verbal threats that I do write it down and document it. I don't know if I can use it in court, but I write it down for just in case.
> 
> I didn't think I needed to get an attorney/lawyer until over the weekend when he told me he was going to fight me on everything. He was going to make sure I get nothing from him. My assumption from what I read, was that since he had missed his 30 days and I had filed for Default last Monday, he can't fight for 50% of the kids and pay less support. I'm getting really nervous and scared now.


Since the default has the court set a temporary support order? They should I believe. This is the support order that will be in place until the divorce is finalized.

Remember if you get a lawyer he will have to also. Can he afford to? 

The threats he is making I think are mostly from anger, probably from you not falling at his feet and begging him to come home when he came around for his big apology last week. You've (rightfully so) rejected him and he's now angry as hell. Don't let him scare you.

Do you work? That is going to be a huge factor in this. If you don't, he will have to pay all of your attorneys costs, plus his own, whether he likes it or not. Plus alimony for a long long time and child support.

Him quitting his (I assume was extra-duty) job is typical, mine did that too out of spite and trying to avoid having to pay me more.

Lastly, do you suspect or has he been diagnosed with any personality disorder or depression or such? If so, this will explain this crazy behaviour. Let me know about this... my STBXH has been diagnosed borderline personality disorder and major depression. BPD (borderline) is THE hardest psychiatric condition to treat and the worst.

My biggest secret fear is he is going to hurt himself and/or our son due to his worsening mental condition. I truly do worry about this. As much as I do not want to be married to a lying, cheating, manipulative abusive man any longer, I do want to ever have to face him hurting himself or our son. I pray this will not happen. I fear this because of the mental state he is in, and his crazy behaviour. His depression is not controlled, even though he's on meds, because the BPD is not controllable with meds. He's a mess. I fear if I back him into a corner ie: take what I'm entitled to and he is left dead broke living in some cra&&y 1 bed apartment with no pension to look forward to, he will do something terrible. I am walking a fine line here balancing getting what I am entitled to vs. sending him over the edge.

If it gets too bad I'm going to ask the court to appoint a psychologist to assess him. That in itself will send him into a rageful frenzy...

Our marriage counseller and my IC advised me to hang on for a rocky ride and a fight, and to get a good lawyer fast to shield myself from his nastiness. Typical from a person with BPD.

Next time he threatens to fight you on everything, tell him he missed his chance and you're hiring a lawyer at HIS expense and if he wants to "fight" he can pay for it in 15 minute increments times 2. Then hang up on him.

If you did not put in the petition to have your attorney's costs paid by him file a motion to have it amended so that you ask the court to grant you attorney's costs too.

Go see the courthouse family law guy as soon as you can to get some clarification and direction.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sorry but you need an attorney.
Spouses will sometimes quit jobs, or intentionally down-size work to avoid payments. Judges are free under the law to impute income to them, the standard for imputing in come varies from state to state. Basically, if the judge finds that the decreased income was the result of an intention on the defendant's part to avoid spousal/child support, they have the authority to set support at the level of income that spouse has the ability to earn. Once you have the order, you still have to deal with enforcement which is an entirely different headache. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Since the default has the court set a temporary support order? They should I believe. This is the support order that will be in place until the divorce is finalized.
> 
> Remember if you get a lawyer he will have to also. Can he afford to?
> Nope
> ...



I'm heading out to court today to see what I can do and see what help I can get. Also if I can find an attorney. I did put the attornery's cost to the respondent on the petition, so i'm safe there. 

Thanks for all your input, Broken.


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