# Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

What a loaded question! I realize this might come down to a difference in what "attracts women" as opposed to what "they are content with" once in a relationship. 

I guess of course I am using myself as an example. As a former athlete, I am now about 15lb over. Not really a person anyone would see out and say "that guy needs to drop some weight", but I am a little soggy.....:grin2: I'm 6ft, and I tend to carry myself like an alpha none the less, with my shirt on I suppose...... My best performing weight is about 185, and I am at 198

Now, I am kind of a person that gets to a point where "this is enough", and I go on a health kick, in which I can get back to my lean self in about 30-60 days, but this got me wondering, does this become a point of turn off for women with a little extra? My biggest issue is I gain weight right at my belt line, which is just not flattering. 

Obviously I am probably a bit more self conscious than I really want to admit. What has probably created the biggest problems for me is resistance to take my shirt off with my SO because "I" am unaccepting of my appearance. 


I read recently that supposedly "women prefer the dad bod", but I just don't buy it..... I realize that men seem to be MUCH more appearance oriented but I cannot help but think women are the same. 

I would love to get some honest answers. 

And I guess to cloud this thread a bit more, I am with a woman that is just gorgeous and fit. She has a constant inflow of date requests. It makes me self conscious I guess even though she sought me out and contends "I could be a model"....LMAO.... I am most certainly not the model type. More like the get greasy and fix things type.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

You can't handle the truth. 

In the end confidence is attractive, if you need to be 185 to be confident, then that is likely to be the weight at which you will be attractive. 

As far as BMI you would be at the top edge of normal and some may feel you are over built. That waistline fat is the stuff that leads to health problems so taking it back off is the healthy plan for you.

Final advice. You are with a fit woman, be fit. She will respect you for it.


----------



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Being a little over weight is fine. Having a little belly is fine. Being insecure and scared to take off your shirt is not fine. 

For me... I expect a man to be confident... well at least not insecure. That is such an unattractive trait for a man. I'd rather have a man confidently take off his shirt and him have a huge stomach than a man be super awkward and insecure and take off his shirt and have an amazing body. Because for me... it reflects your mind. You need to live in the moment and be present, not be focused on how you look all the time. Men who are too into themselves is very unattractive. 

Also as a women... it is such a turn on when the man is so into me and loves the way I look that nothing around him distracts him or gets in his way of how he desires ME. Live in the moment, relax have fun. 

A bunch of strangers telling you that a dad bod is attractive is not going to make you more secure. I don't know what you need to feel comfortable but this is not the answer.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Your asked for an honest answer about if women PREFER a dad bod. I'm in my late forties. I do not prefer weight around the middle as opposed to no weight around the middle. I think a flatter stomach is incredibly hot. Just as I'm pretty sure most men would prefer a female with a flatter stomach versus flab there, given a choice.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Men are being sold a crock with this lie. No, dad bods are not attractive.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Women do not prefer a dad bod.....that's a ridiculous claim by a guy with a dad bod to convince himself that he's entitled to a fitter woman than him. 

Having said that, a woman may be fine with a little extra weight on you if she otherwise likes you. 

Many people have a range between what they prefer and what they'll accept and even be happy with based on the package.

I think it's a good idea to put a picture of what you want next to you while looking in the mirror and ask yourself if the match makes sense.

And remember, women are funny in that there's a difference between what we'll accept for various reasons and what we're attracted to. Men like to think we're not visual but we are.


----------



## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

I don't know about insecure, but once I hit 40 I felt that my impending dad bod was NOT attractive. I would rather be attractive, so now closely watch my diet and work out quite a bit. I think it's fine being confident taking your shirt off if you're out of shape, but I'd rather be confident and in shape taking my shirt off.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

If you think "dad bods" are tough to maintain, wait until you hit "grandpa bod" !


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Women do not prefer a dad bod.....that's a ridiculous claim by a guy with a dad bod to convince himself that he's entitled to a fitter woman than him.


Actually the dad bod lie was perpetrated by women who wanted to be the more attractive person in the relationship so they could maintain dominance over their less attractive counterparts.

This video explains everything you need to know about the dad bod lie: *Why The Dad Bod Is Worse Than Ebola*

Now that we got that fake news sorted out..... @bobsmith as long as your packing a "big package" you're good to go with the ladies.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Not into it, personally. But, if your SO is into it, then you should believe her. How do you know that she has a lot of date requests? Does she tell you that? If so, that could be where your insecurity is coming from.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

LOL, sounds like there is nothing to this "dad bod" thing. Guess I better keep the Nikes handy. I guess I might have painted a pretty sad picture of myself but I guess God at least blessed me with smarts, and born in competitive athleticism. I always turn backyard softball into a contact sport.... 

Uh, I don't think the package is much of a concern....or they are all liars.... At least my SO cannot keep her hands off of it. Quite handsy in the middle of Wally. 

As a point of frustration in my life, several of my friends were able to maintain multiple "playmates", with no strings. Bastards. I, on the other hand, always seemed to find the ones that said, "I wanna have your babies"........


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> Not into it, personally. But, if your SO is into it, then you should believe her. How do you know that she has a lot of date requests? Does she tell you that? If so, that could be where your insecurity is coming from.


I really probably painted a sad image for myself. My SO and I were both good athletes. She is not in her prime either but I doubt anyone would notice. We are both competitive. I can still smoke her azz in any event she chooses. But we do compete with each other just for good fun. We were both sprinters and jumpers. 


As far as date requests, no, she really has not come out and said "I have all these guys calling"... I have just put together the pieces. Hell, anywhere we go, guys just stare at her. It is a little unnerving but no, she is NOT one that feeds that behavior or even invites it. She is who she is. She is very family and church oriented. I think our biggest issues have been that she has guys literally throwing themselves at her, but I don't. I think she wants me to do that but I am just not that way. It pisses her off. 

OK, I am probably about to divert into deeper issues but this is all on me. I sucky at da romance and all that. I have NO prob in the bed and I am just a different person. She has said if we lived in this bed we would never have a problem, ever. It is everything else I suck at. Christmas was BAD! The woman does not want food items, does not want appliances, she is picky at hell, etc, etc. She says "you should just be able to read me". WTF!!! I watched her for months trying to buy curtains....OMG! I am left with the thought, "I cannot please this woman, ever".....

Now, what is puzzling is if I put a friggin diamond ring in there, we are all good..... She wants to me married to be, have kids, etc, yesterday. We have been together yrs now. I get it, but there are a few other things going on that are urgent this year! 

OK, that should stir the hornets nest a bit.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> I really probably painted a sad image for myself. My SO and I were both good athletes. She is not in her prime either but I doubt anyone would notice. We are both competitive. I can still smoke her azz in any event she chooses. But we do compete with each other just for good fun. We were both sprinters and jumpers.
> 
> 
> As far as date requests, no, she really has not come out and said "I have all these guys calling"... I have just put together the pieces. Hell, anywhere we go, guys just stare at her. It is a little unnerving but no, she is NOT one that feeds that behavior or even invites it. She is who she is. She is very family and church oriented. I think our biggest issues have been that she has guys literally throwing themselves at her, but I don't. I think she wants me to do that but I am just not that way. It pisses her off.
> ...


My fiance and I are into running, cross fit (well, me lol) and he's into lifting. So I feel you about having that connection. But, we flow in all other ways. It doesn't sound like you both flow, and honestly...if you don't see yourself marrying this woman, then let her go. Seriously. I think she's been hanging on waiting for a ring. If it's been years now, sounds like maybe she's not the one?


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

My guy is packing some extra pounds, and to be honest, so am I. I still think he's dead sexy. But it's because of who he is, not his body type. I certainly don't want him to gain any weight, and I think it would be great if we both got into better shape.

If he had an awful personality, I wouldn't find him sexy at all.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

katiecrna said:


> Being a little over weight is fine. Having a little belly is fine. Being insecure and scared to take off your shirt is not fine.
> 
> For me... I expect a man to be confident... well at least not insecure. That is such an unattractive trait for a man. I'd rather have a man confidently take off his shirt and him have a huge stomach than a man be super awkward and insecure and take off his shirt and have an amazing body. Because for me... it reflects your mind. You need to live in the moment and be present, not be focused on how you look all the time. Men who are too into themselves is very unattractive.


I'll be the naysayer on this thread... (just to show not all of us women are the same).. all that matters is YOUR woman.. she sounds happy , right ?

Personally... I would rather the man be thin, with some insecurities so I can build him up ... over an over weight confident man.. when I say this.. I don't mean to say you are overweight Bob Smith.. not that at all... you are talking about a relatively small amount of weight...sounds like you are very athletic.. like you shouldn't be the least bit worried about something like this..

I am a more visual type I suppose, and body type does matter to me...my husband is getting up in years... our looks are fading.. no doubt.. but I still love a flat stomach on him.. that's just the way it is.. if I can grab too much there.. I'd be adjusting his diet.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'll be the naysayer on this thread... (just to show not all of us women are the same).. all that matters is YOUR woman.. she sounds happy , right ?
> 
> Personally... I would rather the man be thin, with some insecurities so I can build him up ... over an over weight confident man.. when I say this.. I don't mean to say you are overweight Bob Smith.. not that at all... you are talking about a relatively small amount of weight...sounds like you are very athletic.. like you shouldn't be the least bit worried about something like this..
> 
> I am a more visual type I suppose, and body type does matter to me...my husband is getting up in years... our looks are fading.. no doubt.. but I still love a flat stomach on him.. that's just the way it is.. *if I can grab too much there.. I'd be adjusting his diet*.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Lol.

I don't like men skinny. They should have some meat on their bones. Personal hygiene is important and dressing decently is also important. And, even more important, being a good person. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Lol.
> 
> I don't like men skinny. They should have some meat on their bones. Personal hygiene is important and dressing decently is also important. And, even more important, being a good person.


 This guys body is fine - but the speedo's - NO NO NO !! the Beard has to go too, I'd get him some contacts while I was at it.. 

In the spirit of this thread.. I found this crazy song...


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

this is starting to get depressing


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mr. Nail said:


> this is starting to get depressing


I've never even heard the term "Dad bod" till this thread.. so I did a little research.. this is where it originated... 

What Is “Dad Bod?” Here's Everything You Need To Know About The Phrase And Phenomenon 



> What Does It Mean?
> 
> On March 30, 2015, a sophomore at Clemson University named Mackenzie Pearson published a post on college-centric site The Odyssey titled “Why Girls Love the Dad Bod.” This post gave us perhaps the most complete definition of the phrase that we have: Wrote Pearson, “The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, 'I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.' It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either.”
> 
> ...


----------



## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> What a loaded question! I realize this might come down to a difference in what "attracts women" as opposed to what "they are content with" once in a relationship.
> 
> I guess of course I am using myself as an example. As a former athlete, I am now about 15lb over. Not really a person anyone would see out and say "that guy needs to drop some weight", but I am a little soggy.....:grin2: I'm 6ft, and I tend to carry myself like an alpha none the less, with my shirt on I suppose...... My best performing weight is about 185, and I am at 198
> 
> ...


Confidence is the most attractive thing to me. If you know your **** and carry yourself like a real man, then that's what attracts me, however I will suck up my shame and admit that physique is important to me as well, but on a much lesser scale. I have to be physically attracted to my man as well or it just won't work. 

Love is blind.... But I'm not.:grin2:


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well.....out of curiosity I hit the scale to see where we are at..... 192lb. Not great, but also should be workable in 30 days if I hit it 7 days a week. Target weight for me is 185. I realize if someone just looks up those gay charts to see what a 6ft guy should weigh, it prob says 168.....LOL I have not weighed that since I was like 14yo. I graduated high school at 185 in the shape of my life, at 9% BF. No doubt I have lost muscle mass though... I got more than 7 to lose.

Anyway, I know what I need to do and how to do it. 


I don't know what to say about the confidence. I am a confident person with about anything but appearance. I was given good intelligence and usually the smartest guy in the room so I don't usually have problems chatting about anything, other than when men chat it up like school girls or pervs. I am a little more mature. I don't get intimidated. 

I don't like to really be the center of attention, but I tend to be more centered upon by others. I know from feedback from people that I intimidate others. It is not really something I try to do, I just have an analytical brain and I scan situations and usually provide answers after I think about my response. I some ways, I come off as being a ****, but people that actually know me would never say that. 

I have had some funny moments. One was meeting my best friend's neighbor, a former cop. Obviously they like to be head ****. I didn't know the guy, but we just talked. I was amused with his cop like tactics in questions. He wanted to know what I did for a living and said I was the kind of guy that would worry him on the job because he could not get a read on me and almost have a cop type demeanor.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> Well.....out of curiosity I hit the scale to see where we are at..... 192lb. Not great, but also should be workable in 30 days if I hit it 7 days a week. Target weight for me is 185. I realize if someone just looks up those gay charts to see what a 6ft guy should weigh, it prob says 168.....LOL I have not weighed that since I was like 14yo. I graduated high school at 185 in the shape of my life, at 9% BF. No doubt I have lost muscle mass though... I got more than 7 to lose.
> 
> Anyway, I know what I need to do and how to do it.
> 
> ...


My fiance is a cop, and everyone loves him, he's not a jerk, so be careful how you generalize.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think it was the combination of demands in one post. Swimsuit restrictions (speedo is a brand name not a style, term is overused) I got dressed down in a store over swimsuits The older woman looked at me and said Well then you should wear a speedo, to which I replied I wear speedo's every other day. Totally stumped her. But in fact my other pair of Jammers is from Arena So I only wear the Speedo Jammers on every other day. I still get a few disapprovals for wearing jammers (tight suit to the knees) But the amount of Drag induced by wearing Board shorts (baggy suit to the knees) is ridiculous. Then there was the Beard restriction, Thank goodness Mrs Nail feels that my facial hair is my business. Then Glasses. There is not a contact lens or a surgery that would correct my vision. 

So Depressing out on 5 strikes. no need to bother with fitness.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Get over it. Women have had to be perfect since day one.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

My hubby is very muscular. He is broad shouldered and his arms are madd sexy, biceps and back are so delish.

He had never been married (we are in our early 40s). He put on about 15 pounds after we married. He jokes about it being his marriage weight, and I personally am never going to be one to comment negatively about someone's weight, as my health long ago caused me to become very overweight and I know how hard it is to lose and keep off, so I am sensitive to the subject. 

He is like you, carries his weight at his middle like most men, and he can cut out pop and goodies for a few weeks and be back where he wants to be. So now he kinda bounces around in that range. He gets way more frustrated with the way he looks than me BY FAR. 

Do I find him sexiest at his lower weight? Yes. Do I find him unattractive at his higher weight? No.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Spicy said:


> My hubby is very muscular. He is broad shouldered and his arms are madd sexy, biceps and back are so delish.


Simmer down! You need a cold shower! :wink2::wink2:


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Had the "dad" bod most of my life. Over the last 12, I have lost about 100lbs. I now have a shape. The wife calls me sexy. I have a new lease on life. (Still have the fat guy in my head tho, so when people compliment, I have difficulty with it)

My avatar is "Superman". I wear an "S" shirt in the gym, as I am inspired by it, so inspired, that for my 62nd birthday, my kids bought me a tattoo. Guess what I got on my right bicep?


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Simmer down! You need a cold shower! :wink2::wink2:


Totally!!!! > LOL


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I like the 'mom bod' (if that's a thing!). I don't know if it's because of over-exposure to what men have typically decided is a "perfect body", or if I'm just built that way.

Truth be told, I've never given a rats behind what my partners body looked like, naked or otherwise. I've dated (and married) women of ALL body shapes and sizes, and it's genuinely never mattered to me.

The only time I've ever been slightly turned off was when my ex wife dropped 50-60lbs. On her 4'11" frame, it was too much, but she also overdid it and had an eating disorder.


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Goes both ways!


----------



## quin (Feb 14, 2017)

I'm attracted to men who are fit, it's just how it is. That being said, I'm not going to totally rule someone out because they weigh an extra 15-20 pounds. My ex-husband was a twig when we were together (teenagers). He bulked up over the years and to be quite honest I found him extremely attractive, he's gained weight over the more recent years (20 pounds maybe) and the attraction dwindled with it. If I liked him as a person I still would, the physical would just be less.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Just have moves like this, your body to the ladies will not matter ...


----------



## 2ndHandRose (Feb 22, 2017)

I care more about a man's personality than his body type. My fiancé is packing between 60-80 extra pounds and it really doesn't bother me except that I worry about his health. My ex husband was packing over 100 extra pounds most of our marriage and once again my main concern was his health. And in fact when he finally jumped on the fitness wagon and managed to drop below his target weight, he turned into a total creep and then left me for a younger woman.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Honestly, the whole dad bod thing is a crock of ship ... Some of the reasons I have read for it actually have nothing to do with a female being attracted to that type of body, but instead has more to do with female insecurities. The first I have read is that a guy with a dad bod isn't obsessed with his looks and will more likely spend time focusing on you and not himself. So, for the handful of guys who may obsess over their body, somehow this gets extrapolated to any guy who does not have a dad bod :scratchhead:

The second reason is that a guy with a dad bod is more likely to stay faithful to you. Gotta love the irony with this one. The premise is that a guy with a dad bod will be less attractive to most females, so he will have fewer opportunities to stray. So you tell guys that dad bods make them attractive, but only because it makes them less attractive to everyone else lol.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> Honestly, the whole dad bod thing is a crock of ship ... Some of the reasons I have read for it actually have nothing to do with a female being attracted to that type of body, but instead has more to do with female insecurities. The first I have read is that a guy with a dad bod isn't obsessed with his looks and will more likely spend time focusing on you and not himself. So, for the handful of guys who may obsess over their body, somehow this gets extrapolated to any guy who does not have a dad bod :scratchhead:
> 
> The second reason is that a guy with a dad bod is more likely to stay faithful to you. Gotta love the irony with this one. The premise is that a guy with a dad bod will be less attractive to most females, so he will have fewer opportunities to stray. So you tell guys that dad bods make them attractive, but only because it makes them less attractive to everyone else lol.


:scratchhead: Well this thread has been very instructive. First I learned a definition for "dad bod" Average but not chiseled. So from this day Forward I will never have to worry about having a dad bod (even though I'm a dad). First I'll never be average. Second Due to my very long career in wood working, I've been chiseled more than once. I can't argue with the self absorption and more faithful arguments. (I've used both of those arguments way to often when referring to the fairer gender).

In fact I was feeling very safe and comfortable in my unattractive (but chisled) status up until Ellis put his last little dig in. Now I'm attractive because I'm unattractive. ::: Damn:::


----------



## Kerry (Jan 9, 2009)

A fit body always grows old, but emotional maturity does not. I don't notice a few extra pounds if the man's confident in himself comes across as kindness that is based in inner strength.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I never cared what body I had as long as I was attractive to my wife. Now that I am REALLY down in weight, my entire shape has changed. To my delight, I have a body like my grandfather's. He had the "inverted triangle" upper body. Mine is just becoming apparent. He had muscular legs and a trim waist. My legs are really muscular, and I am seeing a 32" waist (I have NEVER had a pants size this small). Best yet, it has spurred us on to much more sexual activity. (My wife was/is the hotter of us two, and now I keep up with her)


----------



## newlab (Mar 9, 2017)

I found it a lot of fun reading this thread. Totally agree with people here saying that being confident is much more important than being fit. Of course it helps if you have both but I always believe a girl is more attracted to a confident man!


----------

