# What would you think?



## Poison (Aug 23, 2012)

So my wife and I have been together for 5 years, she's very friendly some would call it flirtatious with men at her work but she is this way with some of her girlfriends too. Anyway, so she was working at this place and she was very friendly with the boss....I kinda always wondered if they had something going on before we met or during but will never know the truth and have accepted that. He would offer to buy her things and want to take her out for lunch etc.... she did go for lunch with him a few times over the 7 years she worked there. So she comes to me one day after another bad day at work......(she had many in the last 6 months she was there) and says she's going to quit. After she gives her boss notice to quit she tells me later that day that he has gone around and told everyone that they were in a relationship and having an affair for the past year and has been sexually harassing her for the past year. He also said he would take her to hotel rooms at lunch time etc...She says it is not true......my wife is either at work or with me, not by force but by choice.....it has been this way since we met. So I take her word over his.....I did question her why she didn't tell me when it first happened and she said because I would have over reacted (which I would have reacted quite poorly I'm sure) and we needed the money....I did/do have some trust issues from past experiences and have accused her of cheating with this guy a few years ago. I tried to push her to sue the company but the owner of the company she works for now is the same owner so she didn't want problems at her new place of work. ( again they pay her really well and she doesn't have alot of education )

Now this new job she has is all guys.....she is the only woman there. I am having a difficult time with this after the stuff that happened at the old job.....she is still overly friendly with all these men...some more then others. I mentioned to her to maybe don't be so overly friendly....that didn't go over too well. It doesn't matter if it's a delivery guy or a customer she is this way. She says weird stuff to the men like "did you miss me over the weekend" and "heey" (in sexy voice) etc...these guys hang out in the office chatting her up....she plays along with it too. Most of the guys are married.....but men know men. If your truly happy with your wife you don't chat up the ladies very much. I have met most of these men....some I seem to always just miss but they are always around when I'm not able to go there. My wife does generally tell me events that happen in her day.....somethings she leaves out but I know about them and she doesn't know that I know. (don't ask how I know because I will never tell) I can not speak with her about my feelings any longer as I probably sound like a broken record. She says she has done nothing wrong but be friendly to others and she will not change who she is to suit anyone....I guess this is fair enough....what can I say....I guess it's accept her for who she and not what I think she should be. She's strong minded.

Any other guys out there have a wife that works with all or mostly men and how do you deal with it?


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

This is a tough situation. I think where there is smoke there is fire but maybe I'm a cynic. I do think you need to be absolutely vigilant. You need to be paying attention to everything. Don't willfully ignore anything. A man doesn't spread rumors that he was banging a subordinate lightly. If it's not the truth, he's opening himself up to termination and a lawsuit. Hell, even if it is the truth, he can be terminated. I would be very, very cautious about this.

It seems that the problems follow her. If her behavior makes you uncomfortable, you express that to her and then she laughs it off or gets mad, then perhaps this is not a woman who values you as much as you value her. When one spouse has behavioral concerns about the other spouse and the other spouse fails to address those concerns one way or another, that is a bad sign. 

You need to Alpha up a little bit here. Don't whine and cry. Tell her that she needs to be more professional and less flirty and that her behavior is embarrassing you and making her look bad. There's a reason the same thing happens to her at every job! Do this authoritatively. Don't let her step on your feelings and behavior.

I might also start monitoring her cell phone and computer accounts. I don't like that certain men are never around when you are. I also don't like that she used to let a man buy her lunch and other things even though "nothing was going on."

You're in a pickle and I wish you luck, but don't be passive and let this woman have an affair on you while you hope things are okay.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Poison sorry you are here and I agree especially with this : You need to Alpha up a little bit here. Don't whine and cry. Tell her that she needs to be more professional and less flirty and that her behavior is embarrassing you and making her look bad. There's a reason the same thing happens to her at every job! Do this authoritatively. Don't let her step on your feelings and behavior

the only common denominator i see is your spouse she obviously likes attention from Men and has poor boundaries would be my guess, have yall considered MC ?? I would tell he what you expect in a marriage partner and if she cant meet these needs then i would move on just my opinion 

good luck


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## Poison (Aug 23, 2012)

I've questioned her about a million times about it all, at first she would talk about it but I think I may have beaten the dead horse so to speak.....
Believe me....I have my eyes wide open. I'm just not too sure if I am seeing things that are not there. Is flirting harmless? Like I said, she's either at work or with me...we carpool to work..even her lunch breaks are generally spent with me because we work so close. There is not anytime we are apart except for work hours...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm not a fan of tit-for-tat, but what if you came home and mentioned that the busty blond in HR was hanging around your office all day and you were chatting her up. What would your wife say?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You realise her telling you that her boss was freaking out and spreading stories about an affair was most likely because thay were having an affair and he didn't take her breaking it off well when she quit don't you?
She was attempting to cover her ass

She told you this story because she feared the boss would expose the affair to you because he was pissed.
Was her boss married?
Because it's highly unlikely he'd be telling the staff this stuff at all but if he is married there's no way in hell he'd open that can of worms.

She's lying her ass off and you won't get any idence now. Cause the affair is over/

You could ask the boss directly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Poison (Aug 23, 2012)

I can't do the busty blonde thing.....I'm as good as it gets at work. I work in a shop (all men)


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

It could be she is a classic sanguine personality but the part where she seems to discount your worries with the attitude that she wont change anything is concerning to me.


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## Poison (Aug 23, 2012)

Tacoma, the guy is divorced...he didn't tell anyone at his work this story.....just people at her new work.(they are connected companies same owner) I totally get what you're saying, that exact scenario.......I've lost many nights sleep thinking about it. To be honest, I think I swallowed my pride on that one......got a feeling. Will never know the truth......if it did happen that way.


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## Poison (Aug 23, 2012)

I have a very attractive blonde friend....known her for years....could have done things with her if I wanted. I'm not that type of guy......
Well when this all came about I started to chat with her quite a bit......wifey didn't like it.....but won't say anything to me but I could tell she was jealous. My wife loves me to pieces, anyone would tell you that, even a couple of the guys at her work say that to me.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

I know I'm a girl but your situation sounds like mine. My husband, a natural flirt, a scandal, another person... you auto assume because you're naturally jealous and they're natural flirts ([email protected] is what I call him but that's a term you can't really use with a girl)

The only thing I can say is, it could be true it could not be true and you'll never know that truth. She'll go to her grave with it. Mine will go to his with it. Honestly I am forced to reconcile, looks like you aren't. I would have never chosen to fall in love with a shameless flirt and I'm sure you wouldn't have either. I did and a trapped myself. Maybe you can walk, it sure would spare you the trickle of D-Days I fear will come from both of our spouses.
Good luck dude


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

i would have never married her and i would probably leave because it would drive me insane.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Poison said:


> So my wife and I have been together for 5 years, she's very friendly some would call it flirtatious with men at her work but she is this way with some of her girlfriends too. Anyway, so she was working at this place and she was very friendly with the boss....*I kinda always wondered if they had something going on before we met or during but will never know the truth and have accepted that.* _Why did you accept that?_*He would offer to buy her things and want to take her out for lunch etc.... she did go for lunch with him a few times over the 7 years she worked there.* _He would *buy *and take her for lunch because?_So she comes to me one day after another bad day at work......(she had many in the last 6 months she was there) and says she's going to quit. *After she gives her boss notice to quit she tells me later that day that he has gone around and told everyone that they were in a relationship and having an affair for the past year and has been sexually harassing her for the past year. He also said he would take her to hotel rooms at lunch time etc...*_And he would go around saying things like that because,he likes open him self up for BIG BUCK Law suit?_She says it is not true......my wife is either at work or with me, not by force but by choice.....it has been this way since we met. *So I take her word over his*_Seriously? see above_.....I did question her why she didn't tell me when it first happened and she said because I would have over reacted (which I would have reacted quite poorly I'm sure) and we needed the money....I did/do have some trust issues from past experiences and have accused her of cheating with this guy a few years ago. *I tried to push her to sue the company but the owner of the company she works for now is the same owner so she didn't want problems at her new place of work*. _I wonder why? she wouldent..God forbide the truth would come out._( again they pay her really well and she doesn't have alot of education )
> 
> Now this new job she has is all guys.....she is the only woman there. I am having a difficult time with this after the stuff that happened at the old job.....she is still overly friendly with all these men...some more then others. I mentioned to her to maybe don't be so overly friendly....that didn't go over too well. It doesn't matter if it's a delivery guy or a customer she is this way. She says weird stuff to the men like "did you miss me over the weekend" and "heey" (in sexy voice) etc...these guys hang out in the office chatting her up....she plays along with it too. Most of the guys are married.....but men know men. If your truly happy with your wife you don't chat up the ladies very much. I have met most of these men....some I seem to always just miss but they are always around when I'm not able to go there. My wife does generally tell me events that happen in her day.....somethings she leaves out but I know about them and she doesn't know that I know. (don't ask how I know because I will never tell) I can not speak with her about my feelings any longer as I probably sound like a broken record. She says she has done nothing wrong but be friendly to others and *she will not change who she is to suit anyone...*_Her telling you to live with it.Can you?_.I guess this is fair enough....what can I say....I guess it's accept her for who she and not what I think she should be. She's strong minded.
> 
> Any other guys out there have a wife that works with all or mostly men and how do you deal with it?


I wouldn't deal with it. My boundaries would not allow me to 
live like this with all the suspicions.Going on for that long.
With out any consideration´s from my so called wife


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