# 6 year old drew and wrote about kissing boys and bottoms



## worriedmum

Hi all,

I'm new to this. Joined as I'm very concerned about my 6 year old daughter. A few weeks ago, I found her in her room (door closed) and drawing something. As soon as I came into the room, she hid it from me. So, I asked her to show it to me. She had two A4 size papers. She had written on one about her school and a girl friend. They were getting dressed for dancing and that the school was a good place. She goes on to write that they first kissed the boys and kissed the boys' bottoms and that it was "secsy" meaning sexy. All wrongly spelled but I figured what she had written. Then it goes on about they were "sexing and sexing" in the bet at night. On the other paper, she has drawn a picture of her with all her body parts and a boy with his body parts separately. One picture was just a bottom and a face kissing it and the word "secsy". Another picture of a boy kissing a girl on the face, the boys bottom was drawn and the girl had breasts but she was wearing a skirt.

I'm soooo worried. When I saw/read it I got so upset and I asked her how does she know about this and asked her about the girl friend she named on the paper. I asked her whether she or any boys did this at school. She said no and that she was sorry and that she saw somethings on the TV. I said I'll need to talk to her dad about this . She begged me not to tell her dad as she was afraid he might shout at her (he has a short temper but has never hit her or anything like that). I said never to do this and that we will talk about this later. I of course told my husband later when he came home and he was also very concerned but I told him we need to approach this very carefully. We still haven't talked about this with her. We thought the best thing is to let her forget about this. I was searching online for guidance but couldn't find anything useful. 

Is this normal behaviour? This is still eating me up inside. I feel like I should do something rather than letting her just forget this ever happened. She did this only about a week or two after she started at a new school. Not sure if she heard these things from some kid. We only let her watch children's tv shows but she sometimes sits with us to watch normal tv, where she might see people kissing or something harmless/normal like that.

Can someone please help me? Is this normal? Should we talk to her about this? Should we talk to a counsellor?

Many thanks for your help in advance...and apologies for the long post.


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## Miss Taken

The butt kissing thing seems a bit odd to me but it could be from TV or a movie and she remembered it wrong? Like a pg-13 or R movie with a love scene? The "sexy" could come from anywhere, from TV to the radio.

The curiousity about bodies/ sex acts seems normal to me. My son and his cousin snuck a Maxim magazine from their uncle once at the cottage. They were both about six or seven. They both drew their best renditions of the women in the magazine, boobs and all. Also lots of kissing pictures and stuff. It was pretty harmless but hilarious for us adults (we passed the drawings around the fire when they were sleeping). I wouldn't worry too much about it yet.


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## Samayouchan

omg I would not know what to do!!!!! I guess the best advice I can give is maybe not let her hang out with the person who taught her about this? hope shes forgets it? ; ;


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## frusdil

When my niece was very small, about 4 I think from memory she discovered the word sexy. She would look through the clothing catalogues and especially when the underwear section came up she'd ask her dad "is this lady sexy daddy?", lol. I think that in itself is normal...

Re the kissing the bum, do you mean oral sex (that would a HUGE concern) or literally kissing the cheeks on the butt? If the latter, is it possible she heard someone either in real life or on tele say "kiss my ass/butt/bum" or something like it?


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## CantePe

Why are people so afraid to talk to their kids about sex and their bodies. Five her knowledge, use the anatomically correct descriptions and words for her body parts and a boys. Let her ask questions, without knowledge (age appropriate of course) she will never learn the right and wrong of sex, sexual contact and her body. Don't let her be ashamed of it, give her the power of knowledge, the power to advocate for her own body and self.


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## worriedmum

frusdil said:


> When my niece was very small, about 4 I think from memory she discovered the word sexy. She would look through the clothing catalogues and especially when the underwear section came up she'd ask her dad "is this lady sexy daddy?", lol. I think that in itself is normal...
> 
> Re the kissing the bum, do you mean oral sex (that would a HUGE concern) or literally kissing the cheeks on the butt? If the latter, is it possible she heard someone either in real life or on tele say "kiss my ass/butt/bum" or something like it?


It wasn't oral but kissing the bottom itself, which I did find a bit weird. Where had she heard/seen such a thing? And to say it was good? I would've thought a 6 year old would find it gross! I know that's what I would've thought of at that age.



CantePe said:


> Why are people so afraid to talk to their kids about sex and their bodies. Five her knowledge, use the anatomically correct descriptions and words for her body parts and a boys. Let her ask questions, without knowledge (age appropriate of course) she will never learn the right and wrong of sex, sexual contact and her body. Don't let her be ashamed of it, give her the power of knowledge, the power to advocate for her own body and self.


Yes, you're right but I always thought of my little girl as my baby and never thought this day would come this soon. I guess I was in shock, and found it very difficult to believe that she would think of sex at this age. May be I should have a talk with her.... How should I start this conversation?

Many thanks to all of you for taking time to reply. x


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## commonsenseisn't

Perspective from an older guy... if you had witnessed some of the things I said and did at that age you would be horrified and scarred for life. For what it's worth I'm actually a decent guy. Always have been.

However, I think parents need to be very vigilant about what their kids are exposed to. I especially don't like what our electronic media aims at kids. Just be wise and keep communication open and you have a good chance of success. And above all, when the kids get a little older, beware of porn.


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## mablenc

The last thing you should do is freak out and shame her, threatening her with telling her dad was a bad move.

You should have calmly engage her and ask her things like:

What is this, who are these people, what are they doing, where are they, if she's identifying people not involving her ask "did you see it?" where, when ect.

If she sees you upset sees thinking she did something wrong and will fear getting in trouble.

If you ask nonchalantly you have a better shot at getting her to open up.

I would go back when she's playing, join her and while playing say something like "sorry if I looked upset earlier, you are not in trouble but I want know more about the picture you drew. And approach her again, see what she says. Remain calm, smile, nod your head and tell her she can talk to you.


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## CantePe

*Re: Re: 6 year old drew and wrote about kissing boys and bottoms*



worriedmum said:


> It wasn't oral but kissing the bottom itself, which I did find a bit weird. Where had she heard/seen such a thing? And to say it was good? I would've thought a 6 year old would find it gross! I know that's what I would've thought of at that age.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, you're right but I always thought of my little girl as my baby and never thought this day would come this soon. I guess I was in shock, and found it very difficult to believe that she would think of sex at this age. May be I should have a talk with her.... How should I start this conversation?
> 
> Many thanks to all of you for taking time to reply. x


Well she is six, I have a buddy who really did a good job of explaining why his wife at the time was pregnant and how she got pregnant (with my permission first of course). This was with my youngest daughter who is utterly fascinated by pregnancy and birth (of any species and she was 7 at the time)...

This is how he explained it, which honestly was pretty impressive:

My daughter: how she get pregnant?

My buddy: well, it is kind of like baking. A man has some of the ingredients and a woman has the other ingredients. When they love each other the add those ingredients together in a loving way and make a baby with both those ingredients and their love.

Of course I elaborated (to his horror) on the technical details (I'm in home healthcare by the way...I guess your equivalent would be a CNA? Here we call it PSW) by telling her that a man has a penis and testicles. A woman has a vulva, ovaries and a uterus. The testicles produce sperm which is the one half of the ingredients and a womans ovaries produce an egg, which is the other half of those ingredients. When a man and a woman who are loving and in a stable relationship they have sex. Sex is when a man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina. They mix the sperm and egg and make a baby (sic mix the ingredients). I also explained that there are other ways of making babies like in a lab when a couple are having difficulties making a baby by themselves or when the couple are the same sex (female vs male same sex couples and how each are different).

It also gave me the opportunity to teach her, as a woman, she has the right to say no at any time. That her body is hers and no one can tell her otherwise. That a mans body is his and he equally has the right to say no and that no one can tell him other wise.

Then I let her ask any questions she may have had. I answered honestly and with the correct anatomical descriptions. She asked more about how a baby is born physically and if it is the same as other animals. We then went onto discuss birds, other mammals (horses, cows etc), fish and so on.

Be matter of fact, don't shame her and don't be ashamed to talk about it. The last thing we need to teach our children is body shame. It occurs way to often these days.

There is nothing to be ashamed of about an act of emotional connection, an act of love.


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## Blossom Leigh

Every time I think about this thread I just get the feeling someone had porn on a tv or computer when she was close by.


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## worriedmum

Thank you sooooo much for the reassurances and the advice! I feel so much better now. 

I saw her playing with a couple of finger puppets today and suddenly she made them kiss! I didn't freak out but asked her what they were doing. She said they were hugging and tried to lie her way out of it. I felt so sorry for her... I told her that it's not a bad thing to kiss but only mummies and daddies or people who are older/love each other kiss on the lips/mouth and that little children shouldn't kiss like that but only on the cheeks. At that point my husband walked in and I said oh we're talking about kissing. He was cool about it, so that she didn't feel ashamed or scared about daddy finding about it. I left it at that. 

I'm going to have our special chat next weekend (you've all given me lots of good advice, so I feel confident that it'll all go well).  x


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## mablenc

The phrase "kiss my as$ or butt" is everywhere. Is it possible she's seen it and taking it literally? Thinking its a positive thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## luvinhim

hi im sorry, but i am going to tell you like it is, if i step on toes please do not be mad at me I want you to take this very serious.

As a csa survivor i urge you to get to the bottom of this and as quickly as you can. There is no way a 6 year old should know all the things you mentioned and is able to vividly draw pictures of naked bodies and and a face kissing a bottom and using the word sexy. 

you should be very alarmed and find out why she knows this and who has she been talking to. 

i knew these things as a child because i was being molested by my step -uncle. i knew things i should not have known at an early age. please get to the bottom of this quickly.


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## CantePe

*Re: Re: 6 year old drew and wrote about kissing boys and bottoms*



luvinhim said:


> hi im sorry, but i am going to tell you like it is, if i step on toes please do not be mad at me I want you to take this very serious.
> 
> As a csa survivor i urge you to get to the bottom of this and as quickly as you can. There is no way a 6 year old should know all the things you mentioned and is able to vividly draw pictures of naked bodies and and a face kissing a bottom and using the word sexy.
> 
> you should be very alarmed and find out why she knows this and who has she been talking to.
> 
> i knew these things as a child because i was being molested by my step -uncle. i knew things i should not have known at an early age. please get to the bottom of this quickly.


I'm a CSA survivor. This is projection of experience. Yes, these days with the over saturation of sexuality in media a 6 year old does know more than we did from our previous generations.

While I agree that making sure there is no wrong happening one should not project their experiences onto anothers situation. Nor should one freak out about the situation. Verify, yes. Body shaming, no.


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## luvinhim

CantePe said:


> I'm a CSA survivor. This is projection of experience. Yes, these days with the over saturation of sexuality in media a 6 year old does know more than we did from our previous generations.
> 
> While I agree that making sure there is no wrong happening one should not project their experiences onto anothers situation. Nor should one freak out about the situation. Verify, yes. Body shaming, no.


while i agree with the above mention and i may be projecting my experience onto this situation. i am just a bit alarmed that no one on this board finds this situation disturbing. 

i know we have an overly saturated media but why are we protecting our kids and a 6 year old should not have that much information about sex and body parts....or maybe i have been shut up in a closet too long


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## CantePe

I used to think like you luv. We have a common I wish neither of us had. I used to find a lot of things disturbing and project my experiences into them too.

I do agree with you on verifying and making sure there is nothing untoward about the situation, but subtly is everything and doing so without freaking out or body shaming is very important.

Even without media saturation and sexualization at 6 (even before 6) it is very normal development to become aware of the body.

Babies in utero have been known to partake of pleasure based behaviors. They may not have the emotional verbiage and awareness of this behavior but it is based on primal brain development. Same thing for around the age of 6. They do express these behaviors and to them it is based purely on primal physical "it feels good" without the understanding adults have for when it is appropriate, what is appropriate and how it is.

What you saw in the post did not go unnoticed by myself either. My knee jerk reaction was the same at first. I've become aware of my own personal self projecting of my CSA survivor status on others myself. (Not saying you aren't aware of yours).

I'm just saying yes verify as you are saying but not to jump the gun either based on child development milestones too. To use subtle verification methods. Heck she should be talking to the program staff to make them aware and keep them apprised of the situation. Perhaps she will find they are already monitoring the situation ...


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## worriedmum

CantePe said:


> I used to think like you luv. We have a common I wish neither of us had. I used to find a lot of things disturbing and project my experiences into them too.
> 
> I do agree with you on verifying and making sure there is nothing untoward about the situation, but subtly is everything and doing so without freaking out or body shaming is very important.
> 
> Even without media saturation and sexualization at 6 (even before 6) it is very normal development to become aware of the body.
> 
> Babies in utero have been known to partake of pleasure based behaviors. They may not have the emotional verbiage and awareness of this behavior but it is based on primal brain development. Same thing for around the age of 6. They do express these behaviors and to them it is based purely on primal physical "it feels good" without the understanding adults have for when it is appropriate, what is appropriate and how it is.
> 
> What you saw in the post did not go unnoticed by myself either. My knee jerk reaction was the same at first. I've become aware of my own personal self projecting of my CSA survivor status on others myself. (Not saying you aren't aware of yours).
> 
> I'm just saying yes verify as you are saying but not to jump the gun either based on child development milestones too. To use subtle verification methods. Heck she should be talking to the program staff to make them aware and keep them apprised of the situation. Perhaps she will find they are already monitoring the situation ...


This is exactly why I freaked out when I first saw the drawings/writing. My first thoughts were that someone had been talking to her about these things or she had seen these somewhere - but where I don't know. We don't leave her alone with anyone. She goes to school and after-school care (at her school). We have never left her overnight without us even at our parents, let alone friends/other relatives. I think a friend at her new school must be talking about these things or she must have picked up little bits from TV (but I'm sure she hasn't seen anything such as kissing bums on TV as we don't allow her to watch that sorts of programmes).

I will have the chat as mentioned in my previous post but will try to get to the bottom of this. I really do wish she will open up and tell me where she got all this information from. Today we talked a little bit about breast-feeding as she saw an advertisement for formula. She said she was wondering for sometime why babies were kissing their mummy's boobies! She asked where the milk comes from, are there tiny holes and what is the name of the part babies kiss (nipple) and whether she also had milk from me. She wanted to know if I had any now! I think she's very inquisitive about bodies in general now and at that age where she's trying to make sense of the things she sees. So, I definitely should try to explain things very clearly and make sure she gets the right information as she might be trying to find out these through her new friends at school.

Oh I wish she could remain a baby. I feel so sad that she's growing up so fast but hey I knew this day would come one day but never thought it'll be this soon...


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## CantePe

Awesome job mom!! You are doing just fine!!! You impress me!


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## RandomDude

Reminds me of when my daughter was kissing boys at school, thankfully it was just a phase. However in your case with "butt" "naked bits" and "sexy"... =/

Hell I wouldn't know what to do either


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## turnera

mablenc said:


> The last thing you should do is freak out and shame her, threatening her with telling her dad was a bad move.


Please never do this again! Unless she's being abused by someone, she most certainly saw something (hard to avoid it nowadays) and is using her 6 year old filter to process it. But what you did was set her on a path of self-shame. SO hard to get her off that path. 

IIWY, I would get an age-appropriate book from the library and go sit down with her and work through the book so she learns what really goes on and how it's a healthy thing to do - at the right age. And tell her you made a mistake in telling her to never talk about it again, but ask her to talk about it to YOU, so you can answer all the questions she has.


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## turnera

worriedmum said:


> I really do wish she will open up and tell me where she got all this information from.


Why should she? You shamed her AND made her afraid for telling you the truth!

Now would be a good time to get some books on child development, so you can be prepared for what to expect at each level. 

And also do something about your H's 'short temper.' It is also contributing to her not trusting you or him.


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## Blossom Leigh

Is your husband the only male in your house?


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## norajane

Kissmyass!Kissmyass!Kissmyass!HaHaHaHa!Weiner!Weiner!Weiner!

Kids think it's fun to say things they've heard somewhere, even if they have no idea what they're saying.

6 years olds have older brothers and sisters and pick up all kinds of things from them. I have no doubt your daughter is learning lots of new things, and drawing pictures of lots of new things - it's just these particular new things are troublesome to you because you are aware of what they mean and the connotations. That doesn't mean the kids are troubled.


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## CantePe

*Re: Re: 6 year old drew and wrote about kissing boys and bottoms*



Blossom Leigh said:


> Is your husband the only male in your house?


I hope you aren't implying what I think you might be...


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## lenzi

CantePe said:


> I hope you aren't implying what I think you might be...


Why would you hope that the post isn't an implication of child abuse by the father?

It's entirely possible and needs to be ruled out.


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## CantePe

*Re: Re: 6 year old drew and wrote about kissing boys and bottoms*



lenzi said:


> Why would you hope that the post isn't an implication of child abuse by the father?
> 
> It's entirely possible and needs to be ruled out.


Because it is implicating something we have no information on and she was already (op) made aware to verify. It is an accusation without fully knowing the dynamics, house hold, people...accusing a stranger of something isn't exactly the great idea of the century not to mention freaking out mom when there could be nothing untoward at all happening.

I didn't say don't verify, I did imply not making accusations and projecting ones own experiences onto others and their situations.

This world has become so engrossed with being politically correct, being hyper sensitive to what may or may not be and too damn point the finger at people.

If it were me in OP shoes I'd be damn well insulted for such an insinuating comment. (Remember I'm a CSA survivor myself)


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## Blossom Leigh

lenzi said:


> Why would you hope that the post isn't an implication of child abuse by the father?
> 
> It's entirely possible and needs to be ruled out.



Correct and any other family males she has ever been left with since the bulk of CSA victims become victims at the hands of family or very close friends by a large margin. She is 100% justified to consider all exposure regardless of family rank. Mine was a member of the immediate family. Someone who had the easiest and longest access.

And truly in todays timrs, females must be considered too.

And regardless of age... Oldest or youngest


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## turnera

My evil stepmother turned my husband in to CPS twice in an attempt to get rid of him. Although he's the most loving devoted father on the planet - he was ALL about our daughter - I still kept an eye on him just in case, for awhile, just so I could rule out her allegations.


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## DoF

Thanks to our media and general society......I'm honestly not very surprised by this at all.

I'm willing to bet the kids your daughter goes to school with already have unlimited access to phones and internet at home........TV/Radio.

You don't have to go far to see how out of control our society is.


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