# Husband called my son an ass



## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

My husband got scared because my 12 year old made a loud noise and he said "You're an ass!!!!" really loud and was angry. I told him in a calm non-emotional tone to not call my son an ass. Then my husband LITERALLY (well maybe not literally) exploded and threw his sandwich all over the keyboard, stormed out of the house and has been yelling at me for a good hour. He told me that he was joking (where I calmly told him that it didn't come across that way), he told me that I need to fix this and I was undermining him and knew exactly what I was doing. All while waving his finger at me. I told him to leave the house to calm down and he said I'm not leaving MY house. He's in a full on rage right now. I took the kids outside to play. But I'm sure all the neighbors got a nice earful of me getting lectured and yelled at. I don't know if I should leave right now with the kids, or stay outside. But he has "rage" all over his face.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Just another fun day with your so-called husband.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Just another fun day with your so-called husband.


I think he has a mental illness. And I'm not a psych by any means, but this can't be normal.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think you should leave him.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Me too. Does anyone see this getting BETTER in the future? I worry this will escalate to physical violence. 

He may indeed have a mental illness and possibly medication or therapy will help. But by far the biggest change will be to get him to go for help or even admit that he needs help. I would expect any discussion of this would make him angry and start yelling.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Is calling him an "ass"!specifically that big of a deal. Let's say he was acting like an ass, would it be ok then? I tell my kids we have implemented "no *******" rules. Can't be an ******* to each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Ah, the classic power struggle. Who will end up on top?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Katiemelanie said:


> My husband got scared because my 12 year old made a loud noise and he said *"You're an ass!!!!" really loud and was angry. I told him in a calm non-emotional tone to not call my son an ass. Then my husband LITERALLY (well maybe not literally) exploded and threw his sandwich all over the keyboard, stormed out of the house and has been yelling at me for a good hour. *He told me that he was joking (where I calmly told him that it didn't come across that way), he told me that I need to fix this and I was undermining him and knew exactly what I was doing. All while waving his finger at me. I told him to leave the house to calm down and he said I'm not leaving MY house. *He's in a full on rage right now. I took the kids outside to play. But I'm sure all the neighbors got a nice earful of me getting lectured and yelled at. I don't know if I should leave right now with the kids, or stay outside. But he has "rage" all over his face*.



You are complicit in his abuse of your children. It is one thing for you to allow his horrid treatment of you, but you have children that are seeing this. You are just as wrong as he is to continue to subject them to his anger. This damages and scars children for life, know that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Mental illness or not, why the hell are you subjecting your children to this??? So the neighbors got an earful. What about your kids? They have ears too.

And you wonder if you should leave after this latest incident? Uh, yeah, leave.

Frankly, I think you should be asking yourself why you would spend a New York minute listening to anyone scream/lecture you while shaking their finger in your face. 

Calm or not, I would have gathered some belongings, packed the car, and gone elsewhere.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What kind of loud noise did he make?

Was it genuinely scary? Done on purpose?

If I'd have done that to my dad, something would have been done. But it would not have involved me being called an ass! 

However, throwing food on keyboard, ranting for an hour? That's not normal.

But does your husband always react badly to loud noises? If so, it could be something like Dyspraxia.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Good God Katie, why are you with this man? He pushed your son. Are you waiting for the escalated violence against you or your son that will eventually come? No more excuses. It is not "stress" that is making him angry. It is all him.

If you are like any teacher I know, and I know MANY, that means your are smart, well educated and can command a classroom of students. Do not accept the "traditional" role that the man runs the house, especially an abusive man - and he is abusive by your words. You do not let your students run amok. Why would you accept that from your HUSBAND? 

You do not have to divorce him now. Just get out. He either gets the help he needs or you stay away.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Just looking at the titles of some if your other threads, as well as some of the posts in them... what is wrong with you? WHY are you still there??? He is abusive, yet... you stay. He has PUSHED your son... and you stayed. So... what will it take for you to leave? Serious question. What will it take? Will he have to put you, or one of the kids, in the hospital, in order for you to wake up? Or WORSE???? GET OUT OF THERE!!!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Katiemelanie said:


> My husband got scared because my 12 year old made a loud noise and he said "You're an ass!!!!" really loud and was angry. I told him in a calm non-emotional tone to not call my son an ass. Then my husband LITERALLY (well maybe not literally) exploded and threw his sandwich all over the keyboard, stormed out of the house and has been yelling at me for a good hour. He told me that he was joking (where I calmly told him that it didn't come across that way), he told me that I need to fix this and I was undermining him and knew exactly what I was doing. All while waving his finger at me. I told him to leave the house to calm down and he said I'm not leaving MY house. He's in a full on rage right now. I took the kids outside to play. But I'm sure all the neighbors got a nice earful of me getting lectured and yelled at. I don't know if I should leave right now with the kids, or stay outside. But he has "rage" all over his face.



Just from reading this, it seems your hubby got started and instinctively reacted to being scared. He called your 12 year old an ass.

Now, you could of calmly and privately told him, don't call my son an ass. I'm sure your hubby would make the effort from that point, right?

Then later he could apologize to your son and do some father son stuff.

But the way he's freaking out, something else causing that. Abusive guy? Mental issues?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

CuddleBug said:


> But the way he's freaking out, something else causing that. Abusive guy? Mental issues?


Yep. Many issues over many threads. If this was a one-off, it could be handled. Situtation is bad there.


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## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

You and your kids (and his kids too) deserve so much better. Is your kids' dad around? What if he finds out that your husband treats your kids this way?

It seems that your husband is incapable of feeling love and respect for anyone. He's not going to change so if you want to stay with him, better get used to this treatment. But it's unfair to your kids because they don't have any choice here. You do.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Melanie as I said in my post on one of your other threads, your husband is a douche.

If I were your ex, I would not allow our child to be around your husband, you would have to see him away from your home. If you wouldn't agree to that I would obtain full custody.

You HAVE NO RIGHT to subject your son to this. None. YOU chose this, your son did not. At the very least, if you REALLY love your son, send him to live with his father.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

After all these threads -- why are you still there?


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Katiemelanie said:


> My husband got scared because my 12 year old made a loud noise and he said "You're an ass!!!!" really loud and was angry. I told him in a calm non-emotional tone to not call my son an ass. Then my husband LITERALLY (well maybe not literally) exploded and threw his sandwich all over the keyboard, stormed out of the house and has been yelling at me for a good hour. He told me that he was joking (where I calmly told him that it didn't come across that way), he told me that I need to fix this and I was undermining him and knew exactly what I was doing. All while waving his finger at me. I told him to leave the house to calm down and he said I'm not leaving MY house. He's in a full on rage right now. I took the kids outside to play. But I'm sure all the neighbors got a nice earful of me getting lectured and yelled at. I don't know if I should leave right now with the kids, or stay outside. But he has "rage" all over his face.


Was your son being an ass?


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I'm looking for an apartment at this very moment. I need help. Because if I'm being "insensitive" please tell me. But it's 12 hours later and my husband is STILL fuming made saying that I disrespected him by telling him to not call my son an ass in front of my son. He told me I disrespected him by not pulling him aside first. Then he said that I called his children worse (which is far from the truth) and that I am always complaining about HIS children. I asked him to give me an example and he just listed their names. Then he said that I complained about his son needing an aid at the house (he's autistic and bipolar and violent) I said yes. Oh because you can't watch him?! 

I am a nice person and like to keep the peace, but I will not let this go. I said don't call the kids names. Period. And somehow I'm disrespecting him and "making" him angry. The truth is fully distorted.

I'm scared. and extremely angry. I emailed apartments tonight and as soon as I hear back I will take that as a sign to run far away. I asked him if he was taking his meds and he got upset. I asked him to turn the volume down on the radio and he got upset. I can't do anything right right now. And I know he will regret it because once I get it in my mind that I have tried everything...I will leave and never look back. I'm just so sad right now. And angry and myself for even trying so hard. 

**** HIM!


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