# How do i stop them????



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

i absolutley love my parents to bits, and they have supported me fantastically well since my seperation, but how do i stop them from interfearing?

i know they just care about me, but i really do not need them telling me what to do about it, all the time.

me and H are trying to work things out, we are taking it slow, because if we rush into it, we could end up right back here again, and neither of us want that.. but my parents cannot see that it is the best idea for us, and just keep wanting to know what he is doing, are we getting back together.... aaaarrrrgggghhh its driving me insane.

how can i tell them in a nice but firm way to butt out??


----------



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I've had some similar issues. I think that parents love us so much and they can't stand to see us in any kind of pain that they lose sight of the big picture. My H and I are currently not trying to work anything out, so my mother is sometimes overly harsh about me just getting over it and moving on. Most times she sees that this is a process and that it's not humanly possible to just erase 14 years of marriage, but other times - on the rare occasion - she gets annoyed and just wants it over with. Again, it's just a defense mechanism. If my son or daughter were hurting like this, I would probably have a hard time holding my tongue too. Just tell them that you appreciate all of their help, but that this is not something that is going to be fixed in a minute. That you understand they want this to be better, but that you are doing everything in your power to take things slow and see how you feel about a true reconciliation. Remember that your parents are still married, probably after many, many years. They have not experienced anything like this so it's hard for them to have to watch you go through it. good luck.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I have the same problems with my parents too now that I am divorced. They always want to know what I am doing, who I am seeing and they are petrified if anyone of their friends finds out that I am divorced. My mother has even gone that far that made up a story why son and I are back in Canada. They are not so much worried about gossip then that people will gloat at my unhappiness. I don't really give a damn what anyone thinks especially people I don't really depend on. I was not the one to break my marriage vows so I have nothing to hide. I don't go to broadcast that I am divorced but if people ask why I tell them why.

So in essence I have more problems from my own parents than from my ex H.


----------



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

*Blown away* - i totally agree.. and i guess if it was my kids (if i had any) i would wantto potect them too.. but sometimes they hurt me more than help me.. i know they dont mean to, but im very sensetive.

*notreadytoquit* - my whole family seem to love to gossip about my situation.. if my mam rings my SIL she always askes whats happening with me and hubby.. i refuse to talk to my SIL about it, because all she does is slag my hubby off, and really, i know he has hurt me alot, but no one other than me can disrespect him like that.. he doesnt talk about her like that.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Mom, Dad, I know you both love me and only want the best for me. You have to understand the raising me part of your job is for the most part finished, now your job is to offer support and guidance when I ask for it. I am an adult now, capable of making my own decisions and capable of being able to deal with the consequences, good or bad. Please let me grow and mature, at times I may ask you to hold my hand, but that doesn't mean I need you to make my decisions. And please be discreet when I talk with you, sometimes I need a sounding board but for me to speak freely I need to know my concerns and problems are kept between us. I love and need you in my life, please understand.


----------



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

*cooper* - that was brilliant.. thank you for that


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Glad I could help broken_angel. I never had to have that kind of talk with my parents, but that's a story for a different forum. 

Being an adult means you get to set the boundaries in your relationships, parents, friends and siblings alike. If talking directly to them is to hard write a letter and have them read it as you sit there. Sometimes it's easier to write the words so you can get everything said you need to say.


----------



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

i used to do that when i was younger, if i ever needed to say sorry, i would write them a note and leave it on mams pillow... so i know that works, i never thought to do that on this occassion, so again, thankyou. i guess my worry is that they will stop supporting me, and pull away, because i realy need them, just not for them to be judgemental with it.


----------



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

This is going too far now. I'm going to end up telling my mam and dad to get out of my life because I just cannot handle this anymore. They will not let up, they will not stop going on and on and on about my marriage. I have asked them to butt out, I have done it nicely, I have lost my temper about it, and they just do not listen to me. They will not stop. I'm at the end of my tether with it now, and ready to cut them off and not talk to them about anything anymore. It's putting more pressure on my already volatile marriage, and making a reconciliation difficult. What can I do now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Broken_Angel said:


> i absolutley love my parents to bits, and they have supported me fantastically well since my seperation, but how do i stop them from interfearing?
> 
> i know they just care about me, but i really do not need them telling me what to do about it, all the time.


If they are just talking to you, smile, nod and say thanks. Then do whatever it is you think is right.



> me and H are trying to work things out, we are taking it slow, because if we rush into it, we could end up right back here again, and neither of us want that.. but my parents cannot see that it is the best idea for us, and just keep wanting to know what he is doing, are we getting back together.... aaaarrrrgggghhh its driving me insane.


Smile and nod and say that you do not intend to discuss his actions with them. Thank them for their concern, and assure them that you appreciate it. Then keep mum.


> how can i tell them in a nice but firm way to butt out??


Good luck! Sounds like a stinky scene.


----------



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

They just will not listen. They keep saying its only because they love me and care for me, but if that's the case they would see that they are upsetting me more than anything else.. They are not helping me, just hurting me more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

