# my husband gives me low self essteem**long**



## boringwife (Jun 29, 2014)

On the forth of july my husband did something with our almost 9 month old daughter.

I did not witness it. I had our daughter in our pack n play and I went to the bathroom. He took her out of the pack n play and went outside. All of a sudden i heard a loud pop pop pop. By the sounds of it....it was not the kind that flew up in the air. It sounded like the little rectangle kind wrapped in the red paper. (the kind that u light and throw) He did this while holding our daughter.

After I got done in the bathroom I went outside and calmly but firmly asked him if he could give me the baby. He asked why. I just simply said...can u you please just give me the baby. He gave me a warning and said that "if i give her to you...there will be consequences." So, he gave the baby to me and I went inside. Then he came inside and we started fighting. I yelled at him telling him that you donet light off exploding fireworks while holding a baby. He yelled back at me telling me that he was careful and did it in a safe way and that he would not let anything bad happen to her. I yelled back at him telling him that it doesnt matter. You dont light explosive fireworks off while holding a baby. Then he yelled at me telling me that I ruined his holiday. He yelled at me telling me that I should have asked how he lit the firework off. 
Our whole fight ended up bring up a bunch of other crap. I made him feel like i dont trust him with our daughter. My husband also thinks that I'm stupid and he is so much better than me. He also called me bat **** crazy. I said a childish thing and told him that I was going to tell both of our daughter's grandmothers. (because my parents are from the baby boomer era and I believe they are smarter than us from generation x.) He has always had this pompous attitude towards me whenever we fight. I've posted the same story on a baby forum and all the moms said that I was NOT wrong for over reacting.
Any dads out there who feel I was over reacting....please share your thoughts and let me know.

Now, mind you...since having our daughter and I work part time in retail and he works full time m-f. So, I am home with our daughter most of the time. And when I work nights for 4 hours he takes over daddy duty. Since having our daughter....I have become a controlling mother and I end up micro managing my husband as far baby routine goes. My husband is the kind of person who needs everything written down for him. So, I write down her feeding and nap times for him. Then when I come from work I have him write down for me what time she was fed, when she napped, what time she was changed, and whether it was a pee or poop. I have him do this because I have app that helps me keep track of that stuff so that I can give the pediatrician accurate information pertaining to those things. I also like using the app because it helps me remember. Over this weekend he decided to quit telling me when the baby was fed, changed, or nap. It really pisses me off now. It makes my data inaccurate for the day.

4th of july he did not speak to me for the rest of the night. Then on saturday I went to work and I came home and I wanted to talk about the holiday. Because he was still giving me the silent treatment. We ended up fighting some more and I finally yelled and apologized to him for friday. I again threaten him to divorce me or something. I yelled at him telling him that I am trying to ease up and not be so controlling. That I am trying to not be so negative and show him some affection. I begged him to not leave the house because he did not want to be around a psycho. He ended up staying home with me but still not talking to me. I cried the whole night. I felt like ****. 

I still feel like **** because everything is always my fault and I'm always being the bigger person by apologizing even if i feel he was wrong. He never does anything like that for me. Im always yelling at him that he doesnt take my emotions or feelings into consideration. Everything is always about him.

Anyways....it's late for me. I just wanted to write about the fireworks incident and get some input from any first time dads out there.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

boringwife said:


> I have him do this because I have app that helps me keep track of that stuff so that I can give the pediatrician accurate information pertaining to those things.


Your baby is more than 9 months old. You can chill out a little. This tracking every pop and pee is seriously overdoing it unless the kid is not well.

I don't know these firecrackers. Where they the ones that need to be lit before being thrown or the ones that explode when thrown on something.

If its the former, I think its a stupid thing to do.
The latter is not a smart thing but not as bad as the former.

Maybe your constant nagging has made him want to rebel against _mummy_.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

I'm a helicopter mom and I kind of agree with your husband. I wouldn't want to keep up when the baby goes potty at this age either. Millions of children made it to adulthood without an app and that much data.


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## wanttofix (Jun 4, 2013)

This is the thing I hate about our generation. The dudes that have kids and don't change their ways. I think this is the other problem with our generation. Majority of them were latchkey kids and have no communication skills at all, including myself.

As far as related to this thread, no you were not over reacting, but your presentation was poor. I am curious if he looks at it like this. he is having fun with his kid, lighting fireworks. The woman comes out of the house and demands the child with no reason. Said woman has demand fulfilled and stomps into house. Man is pissed off because he was trying to have fun with child. Man is pissed off, stomps in house and has argument. 

I don't know about other men, but this is how simplistic I look at the world...


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

It sounds like a stupid guy-thing to do. I guess things got out of hand with respect to this issue during your argument. Sounds like there are deeper frustrations.

I would agree with posters who said to lighten up about the schedule/feeding, etc.

I know how you feel, however. I felt that I had to spell things out for my H when our child was a baby. I actually asked him to do as little as possible, perhaps because I'm a control-freak or because I thought that he may not have the right reflexes, or a bit of both. He must have changed her diaper once per year. 

Try to moderate your desire to micro-manage the way your H takes care of the baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds like he did something stupid and felt bad about it, and you went all momma crazy on him. I would definitely not like for my wife to ask me to hand over our baby like that, but you were there and I wasn't..... Maybe he deserved it. I can't see anyone thinking that a 9 month old would like loud firecrackers. 
All the data recording is pretty ludicrous though..... I wouldn't do it.... Just sayin...

What I see is that you are both treating each other in a way that's causing resentment to build in you both. If you don't want to lose your marriage, you had better take the lack of happiness on both your parts really seriously. Read some of those books that some of these guys recommend, make an effort to be sweet to your husband and make him feel that you love him. Don't get depressed and push him away. It's not at all uncommon for women to get depressed after a baby and it seems to creep up on them. Get some help while there's still time. Men are some dim-witted people when it comes to emotional stuff. We need you to write things down about lots of stuff. That's one thing I think you're doing right. Take the not speaking to you thing as a sign that it really bothers him that you're upset---- because he still cares about you. You couldn't hurt his feelings if he didn't. 
Work on it!


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## MrsPotter (Mar 7, 2013)

Good morning....
first of all you were not wrong for protecting your child. Your approach could have been a lot more subliminal but in all you were better off having the baby in a safer position. I know its hard to hide mother instincts to protect her young....but H should have been much more careful. Secondly....change is slow but just try and work on yourself for yourself and families health. Screaming sucks but when it gets to that point of misunderstanding you two really have to figure out where your going to start and end. If the screaming and name calling and lack of respect persist it won't be good. 

Much respect Lioness.

I did not witness it. I had our daughter in our pack n play and I went to the bathroom. He took her out of the pack n play and went outside. All of a sudden i heard a loud pop pop pop. By the sounds of it....it was not the kind that flew up in the air. It sounded like the little rectangle kind wrapped in the red paper. (the kind that u light and throw) He did this while holding our daughter.

After I got done in the bathroom I went outside and calmly but firmly asked him if he could give me the baby. He asked why. I just simply said...can u you please just give me the baby. He gave me a warning and said that "if i give her to you...there will be consequences." So, he gave the baby to me and I went inside. Then he came inside and we started fighting. I yelled at him telling him that you donet light off exploding fireworks while holding a baby. He yelled back at me telling me that he was careful and did it in a safe way and that he would not let anything bad happen to her. I yelled back at him telling him that it doesnt matter. You dont light explosive fireworks off while holding a baby. Then he yelled at me telling me that I ruined his holiday. He yelled at me telling me that I should have asked how he lit the firework off. 
Our whole fight ended up bring up a bunch of other crap. I made him feel like i dont trust him with our daughter. My husband also thinks that I'm stupid and he is so much better than me. He also called me bat **** crazy. I said a childish thing and told him that I was going to tell both of our daughter's grandmothers. (because my parents are from the baby boomer era and I believe they are smarter than us from generation x.) He has always had this pompous attitude towards me whenever we fight. I've posted the same story on a baby forum and all the moms said that I was NOT wrong for over reacting.
Any dads out there who feel I was over reacting....please share your thoughts and let me know.

Now, mind you...since having our daughter and I work part time in retail and he works full time m-f. So, I am home with our daughter most of the time. And when I work nights for 4 hours he takes over daddy duty. Since having our daughter....I have become a controlling mother and I end up micro managing my husband as far baby routine goes. My husband is the kind of person who needs everything written down for him. So, I write down her feeding and nap times for him. Then when I come from work I have him write down for me what time she was fed, when she napped, what time she was changed, and whether it was a pee or poop. I have him do this because I have app that helps me keep track of that stuff so that I can give the pediatrician accurate information pertaining to those things. I also like using the app because it helps me remember. Over this weekend he decided to quit telling me when the baby was fed, changed, or nap. It really pisses me off now. It makes my data inaccurate for the day.

4th of july he did not speak to me for the rest of the night. Then on saturday I went to work and I came home and I wanted to talk about the holiday. Because he was still giving me the silent treatment. We ended up fighting some more and I finally yelled and apologized to him for friday. I again threaten him to divorce me or something. I yelled at him telling him that I am trying to ease up and not be so controlling. That I am trying to not be so negative and show him some affection. I begged him to not leave the house because he did not want to be around a psycho. He ended up staying home with me but still not talking to me. I cried the whole night. I felt like ****. 

I still feel like **** because everything is always my fault and I'm always being the bigger person by apologizing even if i feel he was wrong. He never does anything like that for me. Im always yelling at him that he doesnt take my emotions or feelings into consideration. Everything is always about him.

Anyways....it's late for me. I just wanted to write about the fireworks incident and get some input from any first time dads out there.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShameLessLover (Nov 5, 2013)

boringwife said:


> Then when I come from work I have him write down for me what time she was fed, when she napped, what time she was changed, and whether it was a pee or poop. I have him do this because I have app that helps me keep track of that stuff so that I can give the pediatrician accurate information pertaining to those things. I also like using the app because it helps me remember. Over this weekend he decided to quit telling me when the baby was fed, changed, or nap. It really pisses me off now. It makes my data inaccurate for the day.


I am a dad of 11 mo old baby. I work full time M-F and take care of the baby whenever I can. I will be pissed if I have to write down everything - when i did diaper chaneg or when did i fed her. It would be so frreakin stressfull to me. I think you are way more micromanaging - making your husband uncomfortable.

Well, I do agree that he should not have go on with fireworks with the baby. But it would have been handled in a better way. There was built up resentment which got blown away.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, are you ever a control freak! What he did was extremely DUMB, but you handled it badly. STOP tracking everything the baby does, that is just ridiculous and unnecessary. Let him parent. It may not be exactly how YOU would do it, but as long as the baby isnt being damaged in some way, it will be fine, and they get to bond, which is way more important than tracking every poopy diaper.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmmm. Speaking as a guy, I do think the firework thing was probably a pretty silly thing to do. Pretty sure I wouldn't have done that with a 9 month old in the vicinity. But if the fireworks weren't big enough to make her upset, they likely weren't big enough to be a huge safety issue. 

As far as the other stuff goes, though... Man, you would drive me absolutely crazy. I would have told you in no uncertain terms what you could do with your "data logging". And I can see how your treating him as an idiot is causing him to lash out at you, and is probably even contributing to more "playing incompetent" behavior in a passive/aggressive way of fighting back. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

What doctor needs dates and times a infant poops and pisses? You are too controlling? Possible post partum?


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