# Disconnected father?



## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

I have been married 14 years. We have a 12 year old son. My mom got pregnant with me at 16, and I never knew my dad, so I knew that when I had kids, not only would I be married, but I would choose someone who would be a great father. I did my research. He and I knew each other for 6 years before dating. Dated for two years, then engaged for a year. He is VERY family oriented, they are very close. He also was great with other peoples' kids....so I really felt I'd done my homework and not only were we compatible, but he seemed to be everything I wanted in a father for my kids. Well, as it turned out, we were only able to have one. DH is just not "there." My son has told me a few times "I think dad hates me." They don't talk hardly at all, I've never heard DH tell his son he loves him, and I've had to force him to go to any events. I'm now to the point of going to music concerts, school functions and parent/teacher conferences alone. I think he went to a conference or two in kindergarten or first grade...but not since. I always ask. It breaks my heart that he has no interest in his son's life. And, it's greatly pushing me away from DH. I am to the point now where I would rather just have it be my son and I. And this is coming from someone who always longed to know my father, it affected me greatly. So to see this now, breaks my heart. I can't teach my son how to be a man. I'm trying. 

We don't sleep in the same bed, room , or even on the same floor anymore. We get along fine. There's just that distance. Although for about the past year, he has lost his temper a few times, usually *****ing about sex, and knowing exactly how long it was since we had it. I told him what our son thought, and that he needed to start making more of an effort to be a part of his life. I told him our son NEEDS him. I also told him I didn't understand why, and he couldn't tell me. I reminded him how close he and his dad are, and asked, doesn't he want that for his son too? Things haven't changed. He up and left last summer, packed a bag and left. I can't do that! I have responsibilities here....I can't just go off. If I ever DO go do something, for a day or a weekend, our son goes to my mom's. He doesn't want to be with his dad, and his dad doesn't want him around I'm sure. I have tried. There was ONE time he made an effort. About 4 years ago. He pulled our son out of school one afternoon with NO notice (I didn't even know!!!) and took him to an event that DH was interested in. My son was bored to tears. We both know that particular event wasn't up his alley. I was glad that he made the effort, but at the same time I was livid that he just showed up at school one day and said he wanted his son. Our son brought a planner home to be signed by a parent every night, and I used to often make DH sign it so the teacher didn't think I was alone. Now, I just don't care. There is nothing left in us.... he doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesn't kiss me hello or goodbye (not done that in years), and I think it's time to consider a change. 

Why? Because our son is to the point where I'm afraid he's going to learn this way of living, and grow up to treat his kids like he's being treated by his dad. I think no example at all is better than a bad one.

I can't afford to live on my own, but I am considering figuring that out. Hubby is secretive, he'll take a day off work and not tell me, yet leave at the same time he normally does. I find out later. Oftentimes when I walk by if he's on the computer, he closes out of what he was on. He also deletes the browsing history. I don't go through his wallet or his phone, which he leaves easily accessable, and I don't believe he is seeing anyone. I don't think he has it in him. I almost wish it was, as it would make what I feel in my heart a lot easier to just DO. 

I'm looking for thoughts. He will not do counseling. And I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face, and nothing with our son changes. 

I'm to the point I don't want to be married anymore. Or ever again.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

free2muse said:


> I have been married 14 years. We have a 12 year old son. My mom got pregnant with me at 16, and I never knew my dad, so I knew that when I had kids, not only would I be married, but I would choose someone who would be a great father. I did my research. He and I knew each other for 6 years before dating. Dated for two years, then engaged for a year. He is VERY family oriented, they are very close. He also was great with other peoples' kids....so I really felt I'd done my homework and not only were we compatible, but he seemed to be everything I wanted in a father for my kids. Well, as it turned out, we were only able to have one. DH is just not "there." My son has told me a few times "I think dad hates me." They don't talk hardly at all, I've never heard DH tell his son he loves him, and I've had to force him to go to any events. I'm now to the point of going to music concerts, school functions and parent/teacher conferences alone. I think he went to a conference or two in kindergarten or first grade...but not since. I always ask. It breaks my heart that he has no interest in his son's life. And, it's greatly pushing me away from DH. I am to the point now where I would rather just have it be my son and I. And this is coming from someone who always longed to know my father, it affected me greatly. So to see this now, breaks my heart. I can't teach my son how to be a man. I'm trying.
> 
> We don't sleep in the same bed, room , or even on the same floor anymore. We get along fine. There's just that distance. Although for about the past year, he has lost his temper a few times, usually *****ing about sex, and knowing exactly how long it was since we had it. I told him what our son thought, and that he needed to start making more of an effort to be a part of his life. I told him our son NEEDS him. I also told him I didn't understand why, and he couldn't tell me. I reminded him how close he and his dad are, and asked, doesn't he want that for his son too? Things haven't changed. He up and left last summer, packed a bag and left. I can't do that! I have responsibilities here....I can't just go off. If I ever DO go do something, for a day or a weekend, our son goes to my mom's. He doesn't want to be with his dad, and his dad doesn't want him around I'm sure. I have tried. There was ONE time he made an effort. About 4 years ago. He pulled our son out of school one afternoon with NO notice (I didn't even know!!!) and took him to an event that DH was interested in. My son was bored to tears. We both know that particular event wasn't up his alley. I was glad that he made the effort, but at the same time I was livid that he just showed up at school one day and said he wanted his son. Our son brought a planner home to be signed by a parent every night, and I used to often make DH sign it so the teacher didn't think I was alone. Now, I just don't care. There is nothing left in us.... he doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesn't kiss me hello or goodbye (not done that in years), and I think it's time to consider a change.
> 
> ...



He has a girlfriend and probably has for a long time. Move on without him.
Sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

Hmmm...I really don't think so. He doesn't have time, and he also, I really don't think....has it in him. He's very shy. I appreciate the opinion...but I really don't believe he does. Never gets mysterious phone calls, he works his normal hours and not gone on the weekends...he won't put on a pair of non stained, non holey jeans to save his life. He doesn't shower or brush his teeth regularly. If he was seeing soemone, I think he'd do that. Or at least put deodorant on every day. TMI, I know. But there are various reasons I don't think that's it. I kinda wish it was.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

May I ask WHY you don't sleep in the same bed? Could your husband be feeling disconnected from his family, as a unit. Could he be depressed? Could there be a resentment that you, his wife, is constantly choosing his son over him, and he ends up resenting BOTH of you? How is your communication? Is it superficial? Is it meaningful?


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

I began sleeping downstairs because I have had surgeries, and the bed was just killing my back. So that's the way it started. He also snores and thrashes around at night at times, and I just got used to having my own space. He COULD be depressed. Sure. I know I am. When you have kids, well, really, the kids DO need to come first, but for awhile we made time for ourselves, but that sort of dwindled. I can't GET him to go anywhere. Heck, I scored tickets to a BIG NFL game, and offered them to he and our son, nope, he didn't want to go. I did. If I do things with my son alone, it's because he won't join us. Our communication stinks. Every single day, he comes home from work and I say hi and ask him how his day was. I usually just sort of get a grunt. He goes straight for the TV or computer, and I'll go sit near him and try to talk...nope, eyes straight on the TV, won't give me the time of day. I've even tried talking in bed. I loved that years ago when I could get him to. But now, oh my gosh, get him together with his family and he won't shut up. If I have a friend over, he won't shut up. Yet when it's just me, I can't get him to mutter more than a sentence. It's all a turn off for me. I can't get him to talk. But if we have company...oh boy....once you get him going, he doesn't stop.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why do you think he hides his stuff then? Porn addiction?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

Have you told him how you feel recently, using "I" language, so it doesn't come across accusatory and combative?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Do you ever find out where he goes when he takes the day off?


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

My husband was doing that, never tells me he loves me, stopped going to school functions and I found out he was cheating. I think yours is too. I would seriously look into that.

People that are cheating will start arguments or find fault with you to get you to leave them alone.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

free2muse said:


> I began sleeping downstairs because I have had surgeries, and the bed was just killing my back. So that's the way it started. He also snores and thrashes around at night at times, and I just got used to having my own space. He COULD be depressed. Sure. I know I am. When you have kids, well, really, the kids DO need to come first, but for awhile we made time for ourselves, but that sort of dwindled. I can't GET him to go anywhere. Heck, I scored tickets to a BIG NFL game, and offered them to he and our son, nope, he didn't want to go. I did. If I do things with my son alone, it's because he won't join us. Our communication stinks. Every single day, he comes home from work and I say hi and ask him how his day was. I usually just sort of get a grunt. He goes straight for the TV or computer, and I'll go sit near him and try to talk...nope, eyes straight on the TV, won't give me the time of day. I've even tried talking in bed. I loved that years ago when I could get him to. But now, oh my gosh, get him together with his family and he won't shut up. If I have a friend over, he won't shut up. Yet when it's just me, I can't get him to mutter more than a sentence. It's all a turn off for me. I can't get him to talk. But if we have company...oh boy....once you get him going, he doesn't stop.


Sorry but you are wrong. Your husband should come before the children/child. If both parents are in a healthy loving relationship the kids are going to be fine. I imagine your husband has built up resentment toward you and is jealous of his son getting all the love and affection.

If you keep alienating your husband you will get your wish on raising your son alone. You had better start giving your husband the love he deserves as a husband.

I think if you start making your husband your priority he will come around to being a father if the damage isn't already done.

Good luck.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

free2muse said:


> When you have kids, well, really, the kids DO need to come first...


I strongly disagree. The marriage is the foundation and stability on which a family is based. Keep the foundation strong and the house won't fall down.

I put my husband one step higher on the emotional ladder...I love the little person, and would die for her - but my husband is the reason she is here.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Thound said:


> Sorry but you are wrong. Your husband should come before the children/child. If both parents are in a healthy loving relationship the kids are going to be fine. I imagine your husband has built up *resentment* toward you and is jealous of his son getting all the love and affection.
> 
> If you keep alienating your husband you will get your wish on raising your son alone. You had better start giving your husband the love he deserves as a husband.
> 
> ...




I also agree with this. You have to put your relationship ahead of the pack. I know this first hand except in my marriage my x wife put herself first, then job, kids, house, dog then me......not exaggerating. I am a believer in vows and commitment so cheating was never on my radar, but resentment, you bet. 

Maybe he hasn't cheated but you need to let him know that he is the highest priority or eventually he may find someone who will


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> in my marriage my x wife put herself first, then job, kids, house, dog then me......


 So sad, and so wrong


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

I'm rather surprised and feeling a little attacked. You'd have to be here to know the situation. I have been trying for YEARS to get him to do things. Just he and I. My son spent most weekends with his grandparents for YEARS, because, well, they're grandparents. Leaving just hubby and I. I am not a hovering mother. I have raised my son to be self sufficient, independent, not "needy." 

I am far from ignoring my husband. There were things we used to do, I have tried to get him to do again. Nope. I begged him to take a weekend trip with me to a beautiful place. Nope, he'd been there before we met. Didn't need to go again. We're not talking an expensive trip, just a couple days, 4 hour drive away.

How the heck can you be close, physically close, to someone when they dont' shower, or brush their teeth, or use deodorant? I will admit this was an issue when we were dating, but I actually told him years ago that that bothered me. Things got better for awhile, and he was at least brushing his teeth at night... he works in a very physical job where he gets sweaty. He'll wear the same clothes all week. They can stand up by themselves. Even before our son came along, that started happening again. And it came to a point that he knew he wasn't getting sex out of me unless he showered and brushed his teeth. Why? Because his breath was so horrible there was just no way. 

I'm not the one who shut myself off from him. I still don't believe he's seeing someone else, but I could be fooling myself. 

I continue to try to initiate conversation. I try to initiate doing something together. The only thing I can get him to do is go out to eat. But even then, not a lot of talking goes on. We don't have "dates," because he doesn't want to. In his defense, he works a very physical job, so he's beat a the end of the day. But we have, and have had, a LOT of time, full weekends especially, without our son. And he pretty much sits in front of the TV, and I dust him off once in awhile.

I have no idea what he looks up online. Although I know a somewhat recent arguement we had was that he ordered a HUGE $4000 flatscreen TV (that price included a stand) On credit. We CAN'T afford it! I had to be the bad guy and stop that. He did it without my knowledge or input. He has expensive taste, but doesn't get paid what he wants to spend. But he had a lot of debt when we married. HIs brother is the type to max out a CC, then when he gets enough paid off to buy something else to max it out, he does. It took bankruptcy a couple years ago for him to finally realize that was not a good plan anymore. I was always afraid my hubby would have the same mentality. I know he wanted to. 

As far as what he does online, i do see him looking at new vehicle websites once in awhile, just browsing. But browsing gets him into trouble! Once, years ago, (more than a decade I'd say), it was in the internet history that he was looking up "bestiality." I was horrified and wanted to question him on that....but didn't. 

I never have alienated him. I think when you have a young child who cannot fend for themselves, yeah, you need to be there for the needs of that child. But we took turns doing that. Now, at 12, he's self sufficient and if we're talking, he can wait, and he knows that. Plenty of times my son would be home for hours from school before hubby would get home, and as soon as hubby would come home, my son would start asking me questions about this or that...and I'd tell him, right in front of DH, that "I have not seen your dad all day, give us time to talk."

Anyway....I could write a book here, but I won't. Apparently I'm the one with the problem.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Sorry if you feel attacked. I wasnt attacking you. The only reason I say put the spouse first is my wife and I always put the kids first and when they moved on we had drifted apart. Now the is a void in our lives. We are now like Room mates.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

It's clearly time to move on. I understand that it is so confusing to you why he wouldn't be there for you, and most especially your son when he has such a close relationship with his family. But he is clearly sending you the message that he will not be the things you and your son deserve.

I was in a similar situation years ago. Our son was younger when I decided to leave my ex, but I was worried my son would grow to be like his father. And his father had very little interest in being one. So I got the hell out of there and found a real man who is now a great father to my son.

You cannot change this man. No words you say will have effect. You need to think about what's best for your son now. Can you get help from the state to move out, and help you get on your feet?

You and your son deserve better. You will never find the good ones out there if you're too preoccupied with the bad. I really really hope things turn out good for you, and I'm so sorry you're hurting.


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

Thanks. There is SO much more to this story....I really could go on forever. I guess one thing that's important to mention is that he had always said he wanted a whole "football team" worth of kids. I could not provide that for him due to health problems I knew nothing about. Our one was a miracle child. So I do wonder if he's bitter, because this is "all he gets." Seems stupid, but even during one of our arguments last summer, I told him I suspected that could be an issue, and that having to have a hysterectomy so young killed me, but there was nothing I could do about it, and we were lucky to have the one we have. I told him (in frustration and hurt) that if he wanted his whole "football team," he was welcome to go find someone and do just that. I just didn't want to add more information that could identify me, so had hoped to keep that part out. But...he does dislike the thought of an "only child," and I had even considered fostering or adoption...but to him, that wouldn't be the same. We can't afford to adopt anyway. But, there is another piece to the story. I ended up having two major surgeries the year our son was born, and he had no choice but to help out. When I was pregnant we would play with each other back and forth....my brown eyes or his blue, and kept playfully saying we'd be fighting over who got to hold the baby. Well, our son ended up being extremely colicky his first 4 months or so...we got little sleep, and at that time were nearly at each other's throats. (by the way, he has my brown eyes, and is the spittin image of me, so I hear ALL THE TIME. I wonder if the fact that no one has ever said he looks like DH weighs on him also. 

I can tell you honestly right now, I'm sure if we ever did decide to separate, he would be fighting for the dog, not his son. I may decide to delete this if I'm able to...it's a lot more information than I wanted to give out.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Sounds like your first step is being able to afford living on your own. What's your job situation like now?

Also- you CAN teach your son how to be a man. Single Mother's do it all the time. Part of that is teaching him what behaviors are unacceptable. By leaving you could be teaching him more about being a man than staying with a father who he thinks hates him.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

I know it can seem strange to get out feelings in a public place when you've been holding them in for so long privately. But here you are safe and no one knows who you really are. So I hope you're able to feel okay about posting enough to at least get out all your feelings. That helps.

I feel like you are doing another thing I did with my ex; Living on the good memories. My ex cried when my son was born. He did little sweet things here and there that a good father would do. But in the end, things changed. His words were so contradictory to his actions it almost drove me insane. How could he say one thing and then do something completely the opposite?

So anyway, point is I feel I can understand a little of the pain you have. I realize I don't know your entire situation, but I am almost 100% certain you would be better off moving on. He is not emotionally fulfilling you or your son, and you deserve better (and you WILL find better if you decide to go find it).

I hope you keep posting.  We're here to listen!


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I normally don't like the ultimatum of "do x or divorce" but it seems to be needed for your situation. In your case, I strongly suggest marriage counseling AND have him see his doctor about depression. 

When I'm depressed, I don't want to get out of bed, it's a struggle to get me showered and out the door for work. By the time I trudge home, I'm ready to fall into bed and hope I don't wake up in the morning. There is a major disconnect within myself, during these times. Your husband may be suffering from something similar. 

And if he isn't willing to try, then divorce. I cannot imagine living with that situation. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hope your husband gets some help.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

MysticSoul said:


> I normally don't like the ultimatum of "do x or divorce" but it seems to be needed for your situation. In your case, I strongly suggest marriage counseling AND have him see his doctor about depression.
> 
> When I'm depressed, I don't want to get out of bed, it's a struggle to get me showered and out the door for work. By the time I trudge home, I'm ready to fall into bed and hope I don't wake up in the morning. There is a major disconnect within myself, during these times. Your husband may be suffering from something similar.
> 
> And if he isn't willing to try, then divorce. I cannot imagine living with that situation. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hope your husband gets some help.


When your depressed do you think a divorce would cheer you up? Im not trying to be snarky just curious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

Thound said:


> When your depressed do you think a divorce would cheer you up? Im not trying to be snarky just curious.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No it wouldn't. But if I refused to even communicate my needs to my husband, depressed or not, my husband deserves better than that. 

My husband has held my hand and let me lean on him during my MANY depressions. But I'm ALWAYS willing to talk about the problems. To let him know where I am. What is going through my mind. OP's husband isn't. If he is depressed, I wonder if he even knows he is. And if he isn't willing to see a doctor about his possible depression, and try to work on their marriage, then the OPs options come down to "live like this forever, or divorce."

It's interesting that so many people are ok with divorcing a LD partner unless they fulfill their partners sexual needs, but it's NOT ok to divorce when a spouse refuses to look after their own needs, let alone their spouses needs. 

Double standard, it seems. 

I'm not trying to be snarky either. It's just interesting to me, the dichotomy.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

MysticSoul said:


> No it wouldn't. But if I refused to even communicate my needs to my husband, depressed or not, my husband deserves better than that.
> 
> My husband has held my hand and let me lean on him during my MANY depressions. But I'm ALWAYS willing to talk about the problems. To let him know where I am. What is going through my mind. OP's husband isn't. If he is depressed, I wonder if he even knows he is. And if he isn't willing to see a doctor about his possible depression, and try to work on their marriage, then the OPs options come down to "live like this forever, or divorce."
> 
> ...


I think its great that you talk to your husband about whats going on and how you feel

Thats why I asked you the question. My wife sits in her castle and I try to find out whats going on and I gst nothing. I want jer to lean on me
I want to help her, but Im left to wonded what the problem is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

THound, sounds like we're kind of in the same boat. Opposite sides...but same thing. My hubby doesn't "Believe" in depression. He knows I'm on meds for it, he doesn't agree with it. He also will NOT go to counseling. Well, perhaps if I told him it's counseling, or time to leave. I've not gone that far....I still don't think he'd do it with that ultimatum. And, really, it does no good to force someone into that who doesn't want to do it. If he did, I can see him sitting there, arms crossed, clamming up.

Hey, I can live like this. It's not like we fight or hate each other. We rarely fight....but when we do, it's because he's let things fester for too long. 

I guess my biggest concern/question is....will this help my son grow up to be just like his dad with his own kids? I don't want that, and would forever feel guilty. There is nothing like seeing a man who's bonded and involved in their kids' lives. I notice it in public all the time. Breaks my heart just seeing a man with his kid(s) in the grocery store. Hubby won't go grocery shopping with me. 

In order to afford to live where I am, on my income alone, I would need to find a different job. So, really, I just find it helpful to talk about it....get other people's thoughts, and I appreciate that.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

free2muse said:


> I guess my biggest concern/question is....will this help my son grow up to be just like his dad with his own kids? I don't want that, and would forever feel guilty. There is nothing like seeing a man who's bonded and involved in their kids' lives. I notice it in public all the time. Breaks my heart just seeing a man with his kid(s) in the grocery store. Hubby won't go grocery shopping with me.


Bottom Line - your son will be fine. 

I grew up in a MESSED up house/family. My dad walked out on my mom when I was 4 years old, then finalized the divorce when I was 5. Stopped communications until I was 16 years old. I only had 10 years with him before he died, and even during that time he wasn't all "let me spend time with you. Let's talk about deep topics, or adult ideas. He talked DOWN to me when I was in college, and had very different views than I do. But that isn't going to change the way I will raise my children (when i have some) or the way I treat my husband or other family members. My mom was abusive. All that taught me was what NOT to do with my children. 

IMHO, if you raise your son to be a good man, he will be a good man, regardless of how little he spent with his dad.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I think your son will be fine either way other than resenting his father. My dad worked all the time while I was growing up. He never came to my little league games. When I got in high school and started playing football he rarely came to my games. When he did go he would always criticize the coaches, and yet I loved and respected my father because I knew he loved me even though he never said so. It wasn't until I was a grown man that I would tell him I loved him and he would sincerely tell me he love me too. I miss him terribly.


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

I need to get rid of the guilt. I know in my heart and soul it's not ME doing this. But....I chose it. I couldn't have been any more off than I am....


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Hang in there and think things thru. Make sure if you do leave you have a solid workable plan.
. Now for the big question. Do you love your husband? Im not talking about attraction or gushy love. Do you love him as he is? Another question. Is your depression and or medication clouding your feelings for him?
I truly wished I had some rock solid advice for you, but I cant figure out what I want to do in my own situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

I can't answer that. I honestly don't know. Did I at one time? Yes. Do I care for him a great deal, and wish nothing bad to ever happen to him? Absolutely. I guess I could answer, I love him, but I am not IN love with him. I only got on the depression medication about a year ago. My feelings have gone on much longer than that.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

free2muse said:


> I can't answer that. I honestly don't know. Did I at one time? Yes. Do I care for him a great deal, and wish nothing bad to ever happen to him? Absolutely. I guess I could answer, I love him, but I am not IN love with him. I only got on the depression medication about a year ago. My feelings have gone on much longer than that.


I guess the only thing to do is calmly tell heim how you feel and let the chips fall where the may. BUT first have a good plan.


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## free2muse (Mar 8, 2014)

Thound, good advice. Thanks. This is something that I will take 2014 to assess, see if things can improve, and go from there. This has been several years in the making, not something I'm just jumping into thinking about now. But, I see things gradually fading farther and farther away. But yes, I need a plan. I don't have to worry about losing the house, he has no claim to it. But it's a matter of still affording it myself. Can I do that now? No. I have worked around our son his whole life. Stayed home with him until he started school, and even then, I've always worked around his schedule.... hubby is usually gone by 6am, and back around 6pm (that can vary), so he cannot be here for getting him to/from school. I refuse to let him be a latch key kid. So, I work part time right now. I may consider, for now, a second job, full time night shift....as long as I was home by the time DH leaves at 6am. It's just a tough spot to be in. I never knew my dad, so was SO important to have a good one for my own kids.


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