# Slap it out of me PLEASE!



## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

3 1/2 months into R. Things are going ok, haven't had any tears (close, but they didn't come) for over two weeks. 

I have this urge today, to FB message the OW - just to say, "Do you always play with women's husbands, or just mine?" 

I don't even want an answer (and I know she wouldn't answer me) I think I just want to remind her what trash she is. But on the other hand, I also don't want her to think that she has ANY bearing on my life at all - not giving her that power. 

I won't really do it....Just don't understand why today - out of the blue, I want to do this, it's immature of me to have such thoughts. But at the same time, I'm fighting myself so hard to stay away from the computer. *What is wrong with me!* 

Cmon, I need someone to slap this thought out of me now. (Figuratively of course!)


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

SLAP! 

I understand that wanting to lower your self to really dig into the OW. I actually did send a message to my H's ONS partner. I verbally chopped her down. I regret it now.
I would do everything you can not to message her and let the feeling pass. May be write it on paper and then toss it out, but put everything you are feeling towards her down and then let it go.
Don't give her any more power over your thoughts and life.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I think it's normal to want to say things like that but the sad truth is she may get sick pleasure from getting a rise out of you. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

I have a different perspective. I think that it is normal for you to be angry and to want to share that with her.

I also think it would be healthy to do so in the proper way without going down to her level. No freaking out or anything.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Hubbys fault, not hers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

It's very normal. You want someone who hurt you to pay. Sad truth is, as Yin Princess put it is that she may just be sh**ty enough to get pleasure out of it.

Block her from facebook, if she isn't blocked already and keep posting until the urge start to fade away.

Your reaction is normal and healthy, your decision is mature and thoughtful.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I sent the OM a text 3 months after DDay. I do know him vaguely, having met him a couple of times several years ago. I also spoke with him briefly 2 days after DDay (he rang me several times in response to a text I sent saying I know what he had done with my WW and he should leave her alone. He denied everything on the phone).

Bear in mind he is a known cheat and family wrecker and has several children by several women.

This is the text:

"Hi O. Every day that goes by I find more and more about what you did to my wife. I don't know everything - I doubt I ever will - but I do know an awful lot; including what you like (any hole is a goal it seems) and what you don't. Just wanted to thank you on behalf of me and our 2 lovely daughters for wrecking just one more family. Regards (me)"

I felt a lot better after sending it.

Bizarrely, he tried ringing me twice about 10 minutes later. I didn't pick up.

Make of that what you will.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

I understand that it's H's fault. I just want her to feel like the trash she is.

I actually did contact her a couple weeks after d-day. A few times. She only responded to one conversation with me, and I did get vulgar and nasty. Then another conversation with H (I started it, sending her a text pretending to be him....very immature, but I was in my SPAZZ days, and melting down). She responded to that one - was nice to him saying "I know you love her, go take care of her". 

So there really would be no point in me writing to her. Just feeling mean today I guess. I can't wait till there comes a day where I don't think about her or see her ugly face in my head. I don't know if that will ever happen.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So Sad Lady said:


> 3 1/2 months into R. Things are going ok, haven't had any tears (close, but they didn't come) for over two weeks.
> 
> I have this urge today, to FB message the OW - just to say, "Do you always play with women's husbands, or just mine?"
> 
> ...


It's not immature. It's perfectly understandable. But you should resist the urge, all the same.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

So Sad Lady said:


> (Figuratively of course!)


That's too bad. I'm sure you could find an OM to help with that.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Drover said:


> That's too bad. I'm sure you could find an OM to help with that.


:lol:
So wrong on so many levels, but that did make me laugh! LOL


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## VA_Joe (Sep 15, 2012)

I did text the OM my wife was having a cyber relationship with (her first boyfriend). I knew she was giving him only her side of story. I simply told him that while he may be under the impression that I don't care, let there be no mistake. I love XXXX and am committed to making this work. The flirty stuff stopped.

Of course, my wife was angry that I contacted him but I'm not giving up without a fight.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Write a long email to her. Put all the things in it that you want to say.
Then send it to yourself


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I just threatened the guy in fairly graphic fashion and said QQQQ a lot. I'm not done with him.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

So Sad, if it makes you feel better, go after her with guns a blazin. Just keep yourself out of trouble.


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

you are a beautiful woman. You don't need to be treated like that. I would file for the D


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So Sad Lady said:


> I understand that it's H's fault. I just want her to feel like the trash sheis. I actually did contact her a couple weeks after d-day. A few times. She only responded to one conversation with me, and I did get vulgar and nasty. Then another conversation with H (I started it, sending her a text pretending to be him....very immature, but I was in my SPAZZ days, and melting down). She responded to that one - was nice to him saying "I know you love her, go take care of her". So therereally would be no point in me writing to her. Just feeling mean today I guess. I can't wait till there comes a day where I don't think about her or see her ugly face in my head. I don't know if that will ever happen.


I did that, pretended to be my husband online after I found his accounts and passwords. Boy did I learn a lot about what was going on. He was carrying on with more than one woman. After I got as much info out of them as i was gonna get, I got all of the emails, texts, etc that he had sent to each of them and sent the package to all of them. Was it childish? I don't even care. It sure felt good to let them know that they really meant very little to him.. .he even sent the same poems and 'love letters' to more than one woman.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> I sent the OM a text 3 months after DDay. I do know him vaguely, having met him a couple of times several years ago. I also spoke with him briefly 2 days after DDay (he rang me several times in response to a text I sent saying I know what he had done with my WW and he should leave her alone. He denied everything on the phone).
> 
> Bear in mind he is a known cheat and family wrecker and has several children by several women.
> 
> ...


I think you should talk to him. It's possible your wife was the aggressor and he wants you to know. 

The OW in my STBEH's case was the aggressor and had told my STBEH of several prior affairs.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

So Sad Lady said:


> 3 1/2 months into R. Things are going ok, haven't had any tears (close, but they didn't come) for over two weeks.
> 
> I have this urge today, to FB message the OW - just to say, "Do you always play with women's husbands, or just mine?"
> 
> ...


It's a normal feeling, but don't give her any power. 

If your husband dropped her when you found out as mine did, she is already humiliated enough. 

Mine was planning to leave her husband for mine, although she lied and used easy, no strings sex as the lure. 

She was the aggressor and targeted my spouse specifically, according to the emails I saw.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Oh and my message to the OW ended up getting my H and her into an email fight........it was kind of funny but then again it got them into contact too, not so funny. Might want to consider that as a side effect to any contact you make with her.
I often think of things to say to H's ONS and EA partner even after all these years have passed. Even though I am coming to terms with it all. I think that there will forever be a loathing for these trashy women in side me and I will always want to tell them just how low they are.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Trust me, SS,; she's not worth your time or consideration. Don't let her know that she still has the ability to get under your skin.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Well someone didn't slap me hard enough. 

I did it. But I did it the right way. Wasn't mean or aggressive, but pretty much asked her if she habitually sends naked pix to other women's husbands, or if it was just mine. 

She responded. Won't go into details but we actually had a conversation (via FB). She wasn't spiteful or mad or mean or hateful. She apologized for her part. She didn't throw accusations out there against my H. She didn't slam him, she didn't say anything about him, really. More about her part of it, and how she got caught up in it. 

She also answered a lot of my questions, even though she didn't know she was answering them, which was good. 

I guess I'm glad I did it. I know its a no-no normally. And things could've been way different if I just sent another message slamming her. 

The funny thing about how it ended was she said, "You've been married a long time. Don't let it end without a fight. I didn't try hard enough to save mine and have regretted it for the past 8 years." 

Uh. K. She's part of the reason it's in trouble in the first place! But, in reality, it's my H that broke his vows, and broke my heart. If it wouldn't have been with her, it'd of been someone else. 

For sure.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> It's a normal feeling, but don't give her any power.
> 
> If your husband dropped her when you found out as mine did, she is already humiliated enough.
> 
> ...


I know I shouldn't have done it - it could've given her power like you said. But I couldn't help it. I wrote it out, and hit send. Silly emotional rollercoaster. 

The good thing is that my H broke things off with her before I found out. So, she can't even blame me or say he chose me as a result of an ultimatum. She is very humiliated, as I found out yesterday and I do get a little bit of satisfaction from that. I ALMOST felt a little sorry for her, because my H did play her. But she knew he was married and she played back. So in the end, she deserves whatever she's feeling.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

So Sad Lady said:


> The funny thing about how it ended was she said, "You've been married a long time. Don't let it end without a fight. I didn't try hard enough to save mine and have regretted it for the past 8 years."
> 
> Uh. K. She's part of the reason it's in trouble in the first place!


This kills me. Gee, thanks for the marital advice. My wife fell for a guy whose story was "I'm just a nice guy whose wife left him and is now going through divorce. Come out to the beach and I'll tell you about how hard it is to go through divorce, my war stories of dating after divorce, and how you should work on your marriage and avoid this at all cost." 



So Sad Lady said:


> But, in reality, it's my H that broke his vows, and broke my heart. If it wouldn't have been with her, it'd of been someone else.


Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way, it's hard to believe that anyone who has been through the dissolution of their own marriage can willing play a part in the demise of another.


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