# Why is he like this? Shes my daughter (blood)



## oregonwife (Aug 3, 2011)

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. He came into a ready made family. My three children at the time were 9,4 and 5. My oldest moved out when she was 15 because we could not control her, so my mother decided to keep her and see if she could help out. Needless to say my daughter did not graduate from high school. She dropped out in her senior year and had a baby July 26th. She moved to Texas to be with the boyfriend/father of the baby. I myself was a young mother ( now a young grandmother). My daughter has minupulated so many people and burned her bridges with everyone. Last week she and her boyfriend broke up and the guy threatened to kill her and the one week old baby. My husband and I called the police and got her help and into a shelter right away. The church in TX called me two days ago asking for help to get her back here. I paid for her ticket today because I do not want her and the baby living in a homeless shelter. No the other side of the story. My daughters biological father who never took care of her has filed to have her emancipated ( my daughter is cleary a reck and can not care for her self because she has emotional problems). I told my husband today that my daughter and granddaughter will be moving back in until my daughter gets back on her feet. I purchased my daughter a plane ticket to return home August 15th (one way ticket).I am also forcing my daughter to finish high school during this time, get counceling, and other resources. When I told my husband this he started to act distant and stopped talking to me ( giving me the silent treatment). He has voiced before that he does not want her back her. BUT THIS IS MY DAUGHTER and she needs help. HOW COLD HE BE SO SELFISH!?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Help your kid. Seriously. He's a grown man...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I don't think your H is being selfish. He knows what he's in for and probably isn't looking forward to it. Instead of labeling him maybe you could encourage him to talk about his feelings; this is his life and your daughter will most likely destroy your marriage.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

There are so many issues here.

The first that stands out to me is the way you framed the problems as being your daughters fault.

A child doesn't behave that way for no reason IMO. I think she needed structure guidance and unconditional love.

Firstly I think she has a new born baby, give her some time to adjust to motherhood, no new mother needs to be pushed into doing things they aren't ready for, and she needs time with her baby.

I would suggest that you let her know that within a certain time frame (not immediately with a new born) she needs to be doing some study, and I would suggest counseling for all of you. Your husband included.

Also your daughter is very young, and yes you should be there for her, but you do have to make house rules and stick to them. But be aware that she has to start making her own decisions if she is going to grow up and be a mum, and you don't want her to resent you. make the rules not about her but the whole family, like everyone must help with housework etc

Help her with the baby as much as possible, but do not take over, and try and give her a break like any new mum.

I wish you all the best.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

You have to understand that your daughter is not your husband's and he does not feel the same way you do about your daughter. You also have to understand that this is a lot of baggage for your husband to handle. If your daughter has put your through a lot, you should understand the remorse that your husband is feeling. Furthermore, did you talk to your husband first, before you made the executive decision to take your daughter back? Just put yourself in his shoe and maybe it will help you understand where he's at.
I believe in your husband's mind, this drama with your daughter is never going to end. There are a lot of assistance programs out there which will help your daughter be able to sustain herself without living with you, sacrificing your marriage in the process. Your daughter is a mother herself now and she needs to start pulling her stuff together.
I have a daughter too, and once she reached adulthood, all I could do is to guide her to self sustainability. Coddling and hovering over her is not going to do her any good.


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