# Told the OM to get gone and stay gone!



## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Since the interaction with OMW was not exactly satisfactory I called OM this morning and let him know that I was aware of his recent phone call and told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to stay out of our lives for good. There will be no repeats of this.

He claimed he was just checking in because of a recent death in our family and wanted to make sure all of us were ok. I don't buy it, but I was very clear and my wife was clear that he is to stop. He said he has deleted all of her contact info, she has blocked him on yahoo and fb and cut off any and all channels that he used to communicate through.

With any luck, now we can put this behind us.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Dam fine move
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

How very kind of him to use a tragedy to try and weasel his way back in. Class act.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Good job!



StrugglingMan said:


> He claimed he was just checking in because of a recent death in our family and wanted to make sure all of us were ok.


Can I just say how much this type of thing always hacks me off?

"I just wanted to make sure he/she was ok in light of (insert convenient excuse to contact here)."

They try to play the innocent, when they know good and well that they've been told, "NEVER contact me again." as if "never" means "when you think you've found a loophole to make contacting me ok."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am glad you told him how you felt, SM. 

Re: the "death" excuse.. lame.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"*recent death*"


Yeah that would suck....


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Thanks. It felt good to just sit down and tell him flat out what I thought. It's a relief to be that straightforward and not hold back. I did it without anger, without threats, but with no single shred of doubt that it will not be tolerated.

I know you all will think I'm being too wimpy but I urged the OM to figure out his own life and marriage. To find his own happiness and leave us to find ours.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Damned excellent move!

Get anything else then get a lawyer to write a letter and then after that if he still persists get a restraining order. 

Good on ya mate!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't think you're "wimpy." I think it's awesome you told him to F off and mind his own marriage.

And the best part is his wife is prob having a little talk with him too this week. LOL.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I wouldn't use the term "wimpy," either.

Except maybe to apply to myself. I'd LOVE to tell the OM off that way, myself. But, since all three of us (me, W and OM) all work together, and I've been here the longest, I don't plan on being the one to lose my job over what they did. And that frakkin weasel would run straight to HR if I did tell him off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Well, like I said, I didn't get angry. Never raised my voice, never called him names (although I did imply strongly how cowardly I think he is) and dealt with him firmly but not threateningly. I let him know I was angry but I gave him nothing with which to say I was harassing him. 

I guess where I feel wimpy is that while I am telling him he has no place in our life together, I am also advising him to figure out his own stuff. To try to either fix his marriage or to get out if it's just not workable. I don't know why I feel any sort of compassion for this guy, but I do. Anyone else have this or am I even more of an oddball than I think?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I told my H I don't care if you guys thought you were soul mates or how long you have known and been friends with her brother and father and stepmother and that you scre*ed her sisters too. If you die before me there is no way any of the people involved are going to your funeral and I send no-contact/restraining orders if they try to contact me with any show of angst or concern or entitlement. And vice versa if any of them kick the bucket you are not contacting anyone, it just opens up a whole can of worms that you can't manage and have shown you cannot manage. 

Some other woman (his friend's wife!!!!!) on the fringes of the real OW's drama was stalking him and used an acquaintances upcoming death after many years with brain cancer, as an excuse....contact me I have news to tell you about K. Well, you just emailed him, so why not send him the news already? Duh! That's really sick, sick, sick, using some third party person's death as an excuse to get someone to call you. (It's one of the things explained in the stalking victim's handbook: they'll use it to make it look like you're heartless if you don't reply. I'm okay with being heartless, really!)

I told the OW point blank. You did not come to our wedding because it would have been awkward and inappropriate for you to be there. So, you also DO NOT BELONG IN OUR MARRIAGE, or in my H's life, since you have to hide the relationship from your H and my H had to hide the nature of the relationship from me. 

There is no reason to feel bad about that. It's your marriage. You should NEVER have to apologize for protecting it to the best of your ability.

We live in a small town and honestly, I haven't seen any of these people at all. I think they avoid me because now everyone knows what they did. And they know that I will absolutely vocalize appropriately if they cross boundaries. Plus, one of them has a police record now because she stalked my H and me through the kids' school bus assistant. Violating privacy laws, and had made the mistake in the past of stalking the school bus assistant's husband and dissing her behind her back so that she would not marry her H and he would be free to marry the crazy lady's daughter. 

These people are bullies. Of course you have to stand up to them. It's not about being less than nice to them, it's about being nice to yourself. If you saw a friend getting bullied wouldn't you put a stop to it? Well, you are your own best friend. If you don't stick up for your own marriage, nobody else is going to do it for you. It's your marriage and your right. Say what needs to be said and say it to get the message across: in writing, with a letter that needs a receipt that says the next step is a restraining order.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Well played, sir!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

StrugglingMan said:


> I don't know why I feel any sort of compassion for this guy, but I do. Anyone else have this or am I even more of an oddball than I think?


I wouldn't exactly call it "compassion," but another OM who was "only" an EA basically pretended he never got the NC letter and emailed my W as if nothing had changed. She told me. I replied to him and told him much the same thing you did: why don't you concentrate on your own relationship instead of continuing to insinuate yourself into ours?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Say...why don't you reply to his e-mails as if you were her? You can have LOADS of fun with this!


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

@Grayson - I hear what you're saying. That makes sense. I like f102's thought of answering the e-mails as her and give him what-for. That would definitely have its amusement value.

Telling the OM to get the f out of dodge has had great cathartic value for me. Feeling a big weight off my chest. 

Even better, wife feels the same way. She sent me a message today that my talking to him felt like closing the door finally on him and she is really excited to move forward as we work on R. Made me feel good.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Good job!


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"I know you all will think I'm being too wimpy." Nah... not wimpy... what's the phrase for it... "your too nice."


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

StrugglingMan said:


> @Grayson - I hear what you're saying. That makes sense. I like f102's thought of answering the e-mails as her and give him what-for. That would definitely have its amusement value.
> 
> Telling the OM to get the f out of dodge has had great cathartic value for me. Feeling a big weight off my chest.
> 
> Even better, wife feels the same way. She sent me a message today that my talking to him felt like closing the door finally on him and she is really excited to move forward as we work on R. Made me feel good.


I love the way your W talked to you after you took charge of things-You're her hero again!


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I credit you sire.
I'd love to ring the OM, but I know my temper would flair and I'd probably start eating the phone and screaming out like a caveman. Then before I know it, I'd be wearing a funny white jacket with the sleeves across my chest in my own padded cell and all the mashed banana I could eat.


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