# Advise Please!!! u_U



## luna.chaos (Apr 20, 2010)

Both, my husband and i, are nineteen years old.
We have been married over a year now and we don't have any kids. I lost my virginity to him, but he didn't to me:scratchhead: When intimacy started, it was good, and it seemed like he couldn't get enough. . . when we got married, the flame (as in sex) was still burning hot and hard but after six months or so, it stopped. Now, we probably have sex once a week... and its pretty much as a "quicky" he is just concentrated on finishing himself and what about me? I knew that when a couple gets married sex dwindles. . but,really, this drastically ?? He works mon-fri 7am-5pm so i dont know if its cuz he's tired. I also sometimes think that maybe he is not attracted to me anymore, but i look the same as when we dated. my best friend has been coming around and he never misses a chance to compliment something about her (thing that he NEVER does to me) and always looks for a chance to talk to her (usually they both go outside and smoke a cigarrette) which is even more reason to believe he has lost interest. 
So i want to know what you guys think, is him not wanting to do it normal? or he just got bored of me so soon. . . as i said i lost my virginity to him so i dont know how to do "kinky" stuff, role playing, or anything like that... we have never tried it, we have talked about it and he says that he would love to, but we just never try it. What kind of things can i do to turn him on? what can we do to spice things a little bit? i just want any kind of advise. . . it would really be appreciated.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i am going to say because of your ages, he is immature and you may be also. its not being negative, just a fact. and since you were a virgin (good for you BTW). you do have alot to learn, and so does he. alot of self help info available to you to answer some of your questions, just keep an open mind and try some new stuff, it might blow him away


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

At 19 and no kids you may have jumped in a bit earlt. If you already fear he's eyeballing your friend keep an eye on them both. Your instincts may be right and like minds tend to gravitate towords each other. "Lets go out for a smoke." is a great way to gather some time away from the wife. Look out for yourself and don't think having a child will fix your marrige. Baybe you need to rethink the marrige all together. Don't let your spirit and your heart be destroyed.


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

Hey- so I know that you will be getting alot of the "too young" advice so I will go from a different standpoint- I got married to hubs when i was 18, with no kids at that time. I too lost my virginity to him, but he didnt with me. BEcause of that, in the beginning i didnt really know what i was doing and kinda nervous to take the steps of kinkying up our relationship. And we too at a point were only having sex maybe 2 times a week, n it was more cause we had to sort of thing.....

What helped us alot is just exploring eachothers fantasies. You dont have to go down and dirty right in the beginning, but maybe a sexy outfit or getting a toy would be a good place to start. Once hubs and I started opening up to eachother, and exploring things together as a couple- our communication, improved, we were happier, and our sex life has been amazing (at least 6 times a week now lol- and we both are loving every minute of it)- 

Anyways, i definitely know where youre coming from, and if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to p.m. me


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Too young to have to deal with that after 6 months. Something seems wrong. I would question hubby on the lack of action. He may agree but may be a temporary fix. At this point keep it light. Inquire and see where it goes. Marriage is work but, should not be this early. I am not sure that an offer to get "kinky" at this point is a good idea. If you have to get kinky now what will you need to do to keep him interested in 1,3, 5 10 + years. He may take you up on your offer and he may become temporarily interested as a novelty. At this point he should want to be with you and please you. Crap, have been with my wife for 10 years and married for 7 we have 2 kids and I regularly see to it that I give her a proper session with oral on her and whatever it takes so she is taken care of physically and I work f/t, have a small business I have been working on for 3 years and the roll of fatherhood very seriously (which takes about 10hours/week). If your hubby can’t handle servicing you now and you are not happy….you are in for a lifetime of dealing with what you got or being miserable so address this now head on. 

The attention he is paying to your friend I think should not be ignored as others have said but, be careful. Jealosy and insecurity is very unnatractive to most. I would treat this as unrelated issue. If they both smoke it may be just that. Even if there is some attraction/infatuation (not saying there is) it may have very little to do with his lack of interest. He is young and may not have alot of experience with handling a committed relationship so you may have to coach him if his behavior with your friend is inappropriate. Again, I would treat the two issues separately.


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## HunyLuv (Apr 20, 2010)

Focus on the two of u, communicate with each other. Ask him if he's tired if he is see what if anything you can do to help him. Make sure he knows your interested in him, let him come home to u in his work shirt waiting for him etc...you may not be able to buy kinky stuff but its lil things that will get his attention.

As far as the BFF...ughh I hate to even go there...but ya'll are young and younger people tend to think stepn' out is or can be deemed okay because they are "young" and it was a one time thing...or we are just texting...or just smoking...etc...the list goes on. My main concern is him complementing HER in front of YOU...that is DISRESPECTFUL if he is not doing this to you also. You need to bring it to his attention that number one you notice it and number two you dont like it becuase you dont get the same from him and that you wouldnt treat him that way. I too think you may need to keep an eye on this situation, just because sometimes ur BFF will be that person to ur face, but will be sleeping with ur man behind ur back...it happens all the time, HOPEFULLY not in your case, but stand up for urself and ur marriage and see what is goin on...Good Luck, you two got married for a reason hold on to that and remind him of that and have FAITH!


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## i-like-tea (Feb 24, 2010)

I think it is normal and your age is proof that.
Some cauples start strongly and but the time it reduce and this not because he has getting bored. Also, his time work it could make him do sex a week.
As it is mentioned above you have to discuss with hime and find out why he did that.
All the best


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## gerrypony (Apr 14, 2010)

I am the wrong person to give you advice as I don't trust men or women very much, but I'd keep my eyes open if I were you. When they go out for a smoke, follow along with a drink ... they shouldn't mind if everything is clear. It is very important that you communicate your discomfort with the situation (i.e. smoking together), but do so without accusations, or he will get defensive. 

As for the sex, I also think that you don't have to get kinky at this stage to get his attention, although a bit of naughtiness (a mini vibrator, a lacy outfit, etc) will spice things up. Being tired after work can contribute to a decrease in libido, but it shouldn't make that much of a difference at his age. Does he exercise? Exercise gets the blood pumping EVERYWHERE, if you know what I mean.


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## luna.chaos (Apr 20, 2010)

Thanks everybody for helping me. We did have a long conversation and he confessed that he is not falling out of love with me or getting bored, he said that for the last weeks he's felt like he wasnt good enough for me cuz of little things i did like, everytime he tries to compliment me i roll my eyes and tell him hes a liar, when he wants to stay up n cuddle i want to sleep, and when it comes to sex he said " you dont let me know that you enjoy it, so i figured i wouldnt push you ".
About my bff, he said he was in no way attracted to her and that he was only doing all this flirting to make me jealous n in some way that would make me realize how much i love him and things would magically be the way they were before. Needless to say i think this is what we needed all along, a long honest talk. Today everything is as magical as the days when we were dating and i feel very confident and trust him more than ever. Our learned lesson: we can talk to each other about anything no matter how embarrasing we think they are, because thats ten times better than trying to make us guess wat each other want, because most often, that only leads to trouble. 
PEOPLE, yes we are only nineteen years old and a lot of people think we rushed into marriage.i dont blame them. maybe we did, but we are doin way better than all the couples we know thats our age (maybe because the only bond they have is kids) and before we got married we knew what we were getting into. it took me around six months to give him a "yes" and another year to plan our wedding, which was the **** .lol. we are young but i don't think we rushed. Once again Thanks for yalls advice, it really helped.
LOVE YALL!!, luna. chaos


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

I'm glad that you guys worked it out and I'm impressed that you even thought to come to a site like this for advice! You are young and with that comes immaturity, but I know plenty PLENTY of adults that are much older who couldn't ask for help or advice in a situation like this. You showed tremendous maturity in looking for help in a safe place and I think you guys will do fine as long as you continue to communicate well. I was married at 21, husband was 20 and we knew we wanted to get married after 4 months but waited a year  When you know you know and nobody can put a number on that. Don't ever hesitate to ask for advice from people who have been there!


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