# Does this really happen? How often?



## ConanHub

So I was talking with Mrs. Conan about this subject because I honestly don't know if this really happens or if it does, how often?

Do men really ask women they are getting involved with about number of partners and penis size of previous partners?

Mrs. Conan has never had this happen and I have never asked a partner about their number or size of a previous partner.

If you are having a good time with someone and you both seem happy and satisfied, why would you ask questions like that?

This mindset seems very unhealthy even though I've tried to be sympathetic to the point of view.


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## personofinterest

There seem to be 2 groups of people who are really into this whole past history thing. The 1st group is the group of people who tend to be highly addicted to a particular marriage called Chama and they think that in order to have a successful marriage you must know the INS and outs of every single prior relationship and every single sex act blah blah blah. They call it historical honesty. The other group is the group of people who seem to have their ego tied to being the best or the biggest or the only. I do not understand either group. I do think there is pertaineth past information that should be discussed. Knowing whether someone has had sexual partners before is pertinent. Knowing why a marriage ended. Any kind of criminal background. But if you are so he in secure that you need to compare the size of your body parts to someone else, I'm thinking you are probably not mature enough to be married.


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## ConanHub

personofinterest said:


> There seem to be 2 groups of people who are really into this whole past history thing. The 1st group is the group of people who tend to be highly addicted to a particular marriage called Chama and they think that in order to have a successful marriage you must know the INS and outs of every single prior relationship and every single sex act blah blah blah. They call it historical honesty. The other group is the group of people who seem to have their ego tied to being the best or the biggest or the only. I do not understand either group. I do think there is pertaineth past information that should be discussed. Knowing whether someone has had sexual partners before is pertinent. Knowing why a marriage ended. Any kind of criminal background. But if you are so he in secure that you need to compare the size of your body parts to someone else, I'm thinking you are probably not mature enough to be married.


Have you ever had a man ask you about number or size of partners?

Mrs. Conan and I did eventually talk a bit about this stuff but it was years into our marriage and with friends and we were all laughing in a party atmosphere.


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## Faithful Wife

I’m pretty open about things and enjoy sharing some details sometimes. Mostly details about fun experiences. But sometimes details about past partner body parts.

Honestly though, I haven’t had any guy just come straight out and ask about a previous partners penis size. The closest I had to that was a guy who was on the small inside made a comment about his own size once and implied I must have had bigger ones at some point. I could see he was actually sort of breaking the ice, though. He had a devlish gleam in his eye. He wasn’t actually insecure (he knew I loved his ****) and he definitely wasn’t asking me to describe any other partners peen. He was basically just making sure I knew we could talk about his size realistically and it wasn’t an insecurity for him. Then I told him my old joke girls tell each other which is “no problem, that means it’s perfect for anal”.

I have been curious about the body types of exes of men I’ve been with. Specially about their boobs. I try not to ask that specifically but I will ask them to describe generally an exes body type. From this I make assumptions. I want to ask but I know it’s none of my business, but the curiosity gets me every time. This is mainly because I love boobs myself. I try to keep my mind out of his past but on this topic, I honestly cannot help myself from trying to ascertain what her boobs were like.


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## Faithful Wife

As for number of partners, no I’ve never been asked that directly. I have offered a general idea of the number at times when he has implied greater experience, because I wanted him to understand I had some catching up to do.

Most conversations involved more about what we are each into. Kinks, acts, etc. In discussions on preferences, sometimes past experiences with others comes up. Those are always the most interesting to me.


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## happyhusband0005

ConanHub said:


> So I was talking with Mrs. Conan about this subject because I honestly don't know if this really happens or if it does, how often?
> 
> Do men really ask women they are getting involved with about number of partners and penis size of previous partners?
> 
> Mrs. Conan has never had this happen and I have never asked a partner about their number or size of a previous partner.
> 
> If you are having a good time with someone and you both seem happy and satisfied, why would you ask questions like that?
> 
> This mindset seems very unhealthy even though I've tried to be sympathetic to the point of view.


I've always been of the opinion that there is no use to getting information about sexual pasts, unless there are some issues which stem form it. But really why would someone care. I think if a couple wants to discuss it thats fine. I think sometimes you might find something out you really didn't want to know.


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## CharlieParker

I didn’t ask but before marriage my wife did mention that she had a rather large “number” and wanted to be sure I was OK with that.


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## BluesPower

Yes there are people that are like this. 

Now I do like to know a lot about someone that I am going to be with. Sexually, I just need to know what they like. 

But is do like to know details about past relationships. What was good in the R, what was bad, and so on. 

I want to know about SA, or CSA, I have to know what I am dealing with. I want to know if any spouses were abusive. Stuff like that. Relationship stuff. 

Of course if we are just having sex, who cares? 

They can tell me what they want to or not. It all comes out at some point anyway. 

They can ask me anything they want and I am fine with it.... Except number of women. 

No woman or person know that and they never will. More than some less than some, but never the number. I am not sure I really know what that number actually is anyway but it does not matter. 

For my current GF, we are great together sexually and I don't really care about other for her. She is vocal about how much she loves our sex. 

And really she is my favorite lover ever, we are perfect together. I can honestly say that she is better than all the others, ever, even with her inexperience at the start of the relationship. 

OMG, she is delicious.


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## MJJEAN

ConanHub said:


> Do men really ask women they are getting involved with about number of partners and penis size of previous partners?


Yup. Definitely happens. 

DH and I had multiple talks about past partners and sexual acts we've experienced. Some were serious conversations, some casual and funny. 



ConanHub said:


> This mindset seems very unhealthy even though I've tried to be sympathetic to the point of view.


For us it was all about ascertaining long term sexual compatibility and getting to really know each other.

For example, we were young. Both 24. I had no desire to get into a relationship with someone who hadn't sown some serious oats. I wanted a man who'd more or less been there, done that, and had the experience to know what he wanted, and what he didn't, in a long term sexual relationship. Easiest way to know was to ask.


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## Faithful Wife

MJJEAN said:


> Yup. Definitely happens.
> 
> DH and I had multiple talks about past partners and sexual acts we've experienced. Some were serious conversations, some casual and funny.
> 
> 
> 
> For us it was all about ascertaining long term sexual compatibility and getting to really know each other.
> 
> For example, we were young. Both 24. I had no desire to get into a relationship with someone who hadn't sown some serious oats. I wanted a man who'd more or less been there, done that, and had the experience to know what he wanted, and what he didn't, in a long term sexual relationship. Easiest way to know was to ask.


Did he ask about previous lover’s size?


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## MJJEAN

Faithful Wife said:


> Did he ask about previous lover’s size?


Yup, but there was context to it. We were talking about our first sexual experiences. Mine was with a porn star sized guy who, tragically, had no idea what to do with his gift. That lead to another conversation about another well endowed partner who was excellent, but a complete douche of a person. Then he related a few experiences and so on.


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## ConanHub

MJJEAN said:


> Yup. Definitely happens.
> 
> DH and I had multiple talks about past partners and sexual acts we've experienced. Some were serious conversations, some casual and funny.
> 
> 
> 
> For us it was all about ascertaining long term sexual compatibility and getting to really know each other.
> 
> For example, we were young. Both 24. I had no desire to get into a relationship with someone who hadn't sown some serious oats. I wanted a man who'd more or less been there, done that, and had the experience to know what he wanted, and what he didn't, in a long term sexual relationship. Easiest way to know was to ask.


I actually get where you're coming from. Your conversation sounds different than what I have been hearing about however. You were just as interested and invested as him.


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## MAJDEATH

I asked my wife about her "number" at the point that I was considering marrying her, and she was honest. I didn't ask about their penis sizes because she had already told me I was number one:smile2:. Of course, she may have also told all of them they were number one too.


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## EllisRedding

I would have no desire whatsoever to discuss sex acts with others or intimate details about bodyparts (whether me asking someone or vice versa) . However, I would ask for a partner count for a variety of reasons.


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## Cooper

I have never asked a woman about the size of her past lovers penis. I honestly can't imagine why I would care. I have also never asked a woman if I was as good of a lover as her past lovers. Frankly if you can't tell if your pleasuring a woman or not you better focus on what's in front of you and not whats in her past.


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## oldtruck

No reason to start retro jealousy.


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## jorgegene

No, I never asked any woman about size.
Nor would I ever. Lack of class.
Nor about partners either. If they start the subject,
Then I may ask questions.

I never asked anybody about mine either.
I don't need to know except what they've told me
Voluntarily and I'm pretty secure with that.

Let them tell you, and they often do.
And if they don't, fine and dandy.

That the way ive played it.


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## Dusk

No, I've never been asked. I'm actually not even sure what my number is, and it's not anything high. Maybe 4 or 5? 

My husband is the only person I've had really great sex with though, not that he's ever asked. He's pretty secure and also respectful of my privacy. He wouldn't think it was any of his business.


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## Laurentium

BluesPower said:


> But is do like to know details about past relationships. What was good in the R, what was bad, and so on.


Yeah, if and when I am getting serious with someone, I want to know their life story, and what relationships they've been in, and what they thought/understood about them. How they look at relationships. If they blame all their previous partners, obviously thats a big red flag. But no, not asking for measurements or positions.


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## arbitrator

*I don't give a rat's a$$ if my partner was busy banging Thumbelina, or Long Dong Silver ~ that's her business and I have absolutely no interest in knowing all of the gory details of her relationship partners physical anatomy, positions, or even how often they went at it!

Got far more other things to be concerned out!

The one dealbreaker for me would be if they ever cheated on a prior partner or spouse!*


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## uhtred

Never asked any woman I dated. One sort of made sure I knew she had had a number of other partners, and I had no objection to that. 

Don't really care about number of partners or how well endowed they were.


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## Wolf1974

I have asked both questions in every relationship I had except my x wife because I already knew the answers as we were high school sweethearts. As equally shocking as some find it to ask or be asked these questions I find it as shocking that you wouldn’t. This is your partner and someone you’re spending Your life with. If we can’t talk about sex that would just seem so odd to me.

Every women, other than x wife at time of our marriage, had multiple partners and each had at least one or more ****s bigger than mine. I don’t care about either of those things just that we can talk about everything. I guess everyone sees things different. Like I said the first time I ever heard people DONT discuss these things was here on TAM.


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## Wolf1974

arbitrator said:


> *I don't give a rat's a$$ if my partner was busy banging Thumbelina, or Long Dong Silver ~ that's her business and I have absolutely no interest in knowing all of the gory details of her relationship partners physical anatomy, positions, or even how often they went at it!
> 
> Got far more other things to be concerned out!
> 
> The one dealbreaker for me would be if they ever cheated on a prior partner or spouse!*




I am this way as well. Cheated and we are done


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## Andy1001

When I started dating my now wife we both had blood tests and they were clear.That’s all the information I needed.
She told me once that she had three previous partners,I hadn’t asked and I didn’t volunteer any details of my own count.


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## FalCod

Never had that discussion with my spouse of more than 25 years. Never even thought about it.


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## MJJEAN

ConanHub said:


> I actually get where you're coming from. Your conversation sounds different than what I have been hearing about however. You were just as interested and invested as him.


We'd just met, fell hard and ridiculously fast, and were deciding if we were going to commit to the rest of our lives or break it off before someone got hurt. 

I'd seen a few relationships end over lack of sexual experiences that one wanted to have and the other did not. For example, I knew a few who left relationships because they very much wanted to experience group sex and their partner was appalled by the very idea. I'd seen relationship end because one or both had met and committed young, never got to have other partners, and very much wanted to experience the single life on the prowl. I didn't want to hear "Hell, yes! Lets commit!" and then hear "I changed my mind. There are things I feel I need to do." years later.

Also, I really was head over heels and wanted to know every little detail about him and wanted to share every little detail about myself with him.

Additionally, most of my friends had been around since High School or even before. So had his. Seemed best to get everything out there to avoid surprises when a friend makes a joke about or reference to some exploit or other.


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## Andy1001

MJJEAN said:


> We'd just met, fell hard and ridiculously fast, and were deciding if we were going to commit to the rest of our lives or break it off before someone got hurt.
> 
> I'd seen a few relationships end over lack of sexual experiences that one wanted to have and the other did not. For example, I knew a few who left relationships because they very much wanted to experience group sex and their partner was appalled by the very idea. I'd seen relationship end because one or both had met and committed young, never got to have other partners, and very much wanted to experience the single life on the prowl. I didn't want to hear "Hell, yes! Lets commit!" and then hear "I changed my mind. There are things I feel I need to do." years later.
> 
> Also, I really was head over heels and wanted to know every little detail about him and wanted to share every little detail about myself with him.
> 
> Additionally, most of my friends had been around since High School or even before. So had his. Seemed best to get everything out there to avoid surprises when a friend makes a joke about or reference to some exploit or other.


The one piece of advice I would give anyone about getting married is to have a few years “on the prowl” as you say.I have seen a few marriages break up because one partner starts regretting setting down so young,in these cases it has always been the husband who started getting itchy feet but I know it works both ways.
By the way I thought your “tragic” comment about the guy with the big **** was hilarious.


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## Rowan

My ex-husband never had to ask because we were high school sweethearts and he knew I hadn't been with anyone prior to him. 

After my divorce, I only ever had a couple of men ask about numbers of prior partners. One of them did so before we even met in person for the first time. The way he asked, combined with a few other comments, led to me decline that initial face-to-face meeting and discontinue contact. I didn't feel we would have been compatible. The other asked after we'd been dating a while and prior to us becoming intimate, in a way that wasn't accusatory and was framed as part of a wider discussion about sex. He was clearly interested more in making sure we were compatible than in potentially persecuting me for the "wrong" answer. 

But none ever asked about sizes or positions or for any intimate details. Well, except one, who didn't so much ask as make a comment about his own size in a way that displayed a great deal of insecurity about it. I found that a bit of a turn off, but it wasn't repeated and our relationship ended shortly afterward for other reasons. I imagine, though, that if we'd continued seeing one another, the topic would eventually have come up again. 

My SO has never asked nor displayed the slightest interest in any details of my past sexual relationships, beyond wanting ensure I wasn't suffering from any sort of trauma due to past sexual experiences.


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## I shouldnthave

When we were young and just starting to date, my now husband asked my number. I told him truthfully, and asked his in response. 

I don’t have a problem with it, our numbers say something about our approach to sex etc, honestly I found it to be valuable information. 

As for size, he didn’t come out and ask that. But I was a little embarrassed by the fact that all I had were magnum condoms the first time he stayed over. 

As for a general “do men ask about penis size”....yeah I have been with a few conceded guys who have said something along the lines “have you ever had bigger?” - don’t ask questions that you do not want a truthful response to fellas!


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## EleGirl

I've never had any guy ask me about number of partners, or for basically a list of previous partners, or the size of other men's parts.

There have been discussions where we'd talk and some info would be shared by either of us, but it was limited. It was more about things like why a marriage ended.

I just see no purpose of bringing all that up. I really don't think that talking about the sex I had with other men, or that he had with other women, does anything to enhance a relationship. What matters is how we treat each other.

ETA:

TAM is the first time I have ever heard that some people do this. I never realized that there are people who want this sort of info. And after read so many threads by men who hold the info that their wife/SO tells them about the past as a way to emotionally blackmail her forever, I would probably walk away from any man who asked about all that. It'd figure that it was just his way to get ammo for later use.


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## Wolf1974

I shouldnthave said:


> When we were young and just starting to date, my now husband asked my number. I told him truthfully, and asked his in response.
> 
> I don’t have a problem with it, our numbers say something about our approach to sex etc, honestly I found it to be valuable information.
> 
> As for size, he didn’t come out and ask that. But I was a little embarrassed by the fact that all I had were magnum condoms the first time he stayed over.
> 
> As for a general “do men ask about penis size”....yeah I have been with a few conceded guys who have said something along the lines “have you ever had bigger?” - don’t ask questions that you do not want a truthful response to fellas!


Never really understood why anyone would get butthurt about size lol, Such a silly thing to me. Size doesn’t equal a great lover. The size of my **** isn’t something I can control. Being a confident and caring lover is so I focus on that. I always chuckle at the penis threads here for the same reason


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## BluesPower

Wolf1974 said:


> Never really understood why anyone would get butthurt about size lol, Such a silly thing to me. Size doesn’t equal a great lover. The size of my **** isn’t something I can control. Being a confident and caring lover is so I focus on that. I always chuckle at the penis threads here for the same reason


No doubt. I always laughed about that too. 

My equipment it not really big, slightly about average and maybe a little thicker. Never bothered me. 

If I ever was actually with a woman that was a genuine size queen, that is fine, we are just not compatible. 

Evidently I was doing something right all those years, based on all the ex's that STILL sniff around all the time. 

It is just funny...


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## MAJDEATH

I have asked some close female friends about their "number" and male part size came into the conversation. Nearly all said their biggest partners were not the best lovers. Something about "just because he brought a big tool, he thought he didn't have to do anything else."


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## personofinterest

> "just because he brought a big tool, he thought he didn't have to do anything else."


I wonder if this is the mindset of someone who gets upset about not being "the biggest"...


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## aine

We have talked about ex partners but not in that much detail, definitely not about 'girth' etc. Overall a non issue really.


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## Holdingontoit

I have never asked. I have a smaller number than any woman I have been with and a smaller penis than any of her other lovers so I don't want to hear either answer.
Some men would be proud that they are so amazing "in other ways" that a woman would prefer to be with them than to be with someone else.
As @Cooper says, I can't tell if I am pleasing a woman so I certainly don't want to hear that she has previously been with men who could and did.


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## AliceA

I have never been asked that stuff by a guy. I've asked people about their past relationships. Don't care about how many people they've had sex with though. The people I've dated seemed to be on the same page. Questions about previous partner's anatomy has very definitely NEVER come up with anyone. These sorts of questions would be a massive red flag to me and they wouldn't see me for the dust.


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## [email protected]

A lot of females don't like to talk about it.


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## ConanHub

[email protected] said:


> A lot of females don't like to talk about it.


I only talked with my wife about it as the subject came up many years into marriage.

Not something I even considered when I met and fell in love with her.


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## EllisRedding

The only time size has ever come up is with those pictures @ConanHub keeps sending me via PM ... :redcard::nono::rules::banned2:


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## personofinterest

ConanHub said:


> I only talked with my wife about it as the subject came up many years into marriage.
> 
> Not something I even considered when *I met and fell in love with her.*


That would be because you are in love with HER and not yourself


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## PigglyWiggly

EllisRedding said:


> The only time size has ever come up is with those pictures @ConanHub keeps sending me via PM ... :redcard::nono::rules::banned2:


link to pics?


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## MAJDEATH

[email protected] said:


> A lot of females don't like to talk about it.


Yes, it is the myth that they are reborn virgins every time they start a new relationship. If only we knew that they had been double-teamed in a bar parking lot by guys with huge peens.


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## personofinterest

MAJDEATH said:


> Yes, it is the myth that they are reborn virgins every time they start a new relationship. If only we knew that they had been double-teamed in a bar parking lot by guys with huge peens.



You need serious help


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## BarbedFenceRider

MAJDEATH said:


> Yes, it is the myth that they are reborn virgins every time they start a new relationship. If only we knew that they had been double-teamed in a bar parking lot by guys with huge peens.


I have to agree.... Nobody wants to be second best. Or the settlement after riding the c*ck carousel. It's like you are always buying the busted up used car. You always WANT a new car, but you will "settle" for the used one with obviously HIGH milage.


And for your Friday comedy added...





:grin2:


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## Faithful Wife

BarbedFenceRider said:


> I have to agree.... Nobody wants to be second best. Or the settlement after riding the c*ck carousel. It's like you are always buying the busted up used car. You always WANT a new car, but you will "settle" for the used one with obviously HIGH milage:


Similar to, you always WANT a huge ****, but you will “settle” for an average one. >


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## PigglyWiggly

MAJDEATH said:


> Yes, it is the myth that they are reborn virgins every time they start a new relationship. If only we knew that *they had been double-teamed in a bar parking lot by guys with huge peens*.


That sounds like a good time if I were into dudes.


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## BarbedFenceRider

Here is a good way to look at it....lol


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## Taxman

I say this with grave regularity: Thank god I am an old married man and do not have to contend with the current social graces. Good god, had I ever asked a lady that I was dating these questions, I would have expected a knee to the area where the feathers are the thinnest. I don't have a reasonable understanding of this. How does one work into the conversation: Would you mind giving me a survey of every previous lover, inclusive of vital statistics, I have low self-esteem and want to be certain I do not have negative comparisons.


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## Faithful Wife

Taxman said:


> I say this with grave regularity: Thank god I am an old married man and do not have to contend with the current social graces. Good god, had I ever asked a lady that I was dating these questions, I would have expected a knee to the area where the feathers are the thinnest. I don't have a reasonable understanding of this. How does one work into the conversation: Would you mind giving me a survey of every previous lover, inclusive of vital statistics, I have low self-esteem and want to be certain I do not have negative comparisons.


The ones who seem to be insecure, such as posts at TAM by guys who are insecure about a woman's past, those are not the same guys who have an open back and forth conversation like I would have. You can tell when discussing these things with someone if they are insecure or not, and why they are asking. I personally haven't had the insecure type or questions like that on a date, but I've heard the insecure questions here and there in my life at different times and know the difference.

When you are first meeting someone and aren't all invested in them yet, for me it is easy and fun to share stories (not graphic details) and I genuinely just want to know the person better by knowing at least the gist of their sexual history. 

These discussions don't go on regularly if you move into a relationship. They are just getting to know you types of things. It isn't like we would sit around and keep discussing it. By then we'd have our own groove on and be talking about that!

For me it is just a curiosity and a desire to know the other person. But if it tortured me, if I was jealous, if it made me picture my partner with past lovers and made me jealous, I would not ask. 

Some guys don't ask basically anything about the past, but I don't assume that is because they would be jealous, I just assume they aren't as curious as I am about those things. If they don't ask, I don't either because I understand it is not going to be an interesting conversation for them.


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## personofinterest

Taxman said:


> I say this with grave regularity: Thank god I am an old married man and do not have to contend with the current social graces. Good god, had I ever asked a lady that I was dating these questions, I would have expected a knee to the area where the feathers are the thinnest. I don't have a reasonable understanding of this. How does one work into the conversation: Would you mind giving me a survey of every previous lover, inclusive of vital statistics, I have low self-esteem and want to be certain I do not have negative comparisons.


Lol priceless


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## Faithful Wife

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Here is a good way to look at it....lol


Ok that was pretty funny...and I've been there. :grin2:


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## MAJDEATH

So why is it an indicator of insecurity to ask? Maybe they were just curious?


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## Faithful Wife

MAJDEATH said:


> So why is it an indicator of insecurity to ask? Maybe they were just curious?


You actually sometimes don't know if the question is honest curiosity or is a view into their insecurities. If it was insecurities, it will come up again later somehow. They will be brewing on it and eventually will say something that lets you know it has been bothering them.

Usually you can tell by the tone of their voice and the exact way they word the questions whether it is insecurity or curiosity. Did you watch the video above about interrogating the girlfriend? When a guy is actually insecure and that's why he's asking the questions, you can feel the interrogation vibe.

Men are interrogated too sometimes. Women may ask nosey questions, too. Women may be asking because they are curious or insecure.


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## ConanHub

EllisRedding said:


> The only time size has ever come up is with those pictures @ConanHub keeps sending me via PM ... :redcard::nono::rules::banned2:


You promised not to tell...:surprise:


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## EllisRedding

ConanHub said:


> You promised not to tell...:surprise:


When you see something that big, you tell ... :surprise:


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## BarbedFenceRider

Uh....TMI


Now all of us guys got to compete with Conan....Nice.


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## EllisRedding

PigglyWiggly said:


> link to pics?


Probably the only one I can show without getting banned...


__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content


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## ConanHub

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Here is a good way to look at it....lol
> 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-9FgVRjJac


That was creepy and funny.

I was actually creeped out by both!:surprise:


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## ConanHub

EllisRedding said:


> Probably the only one I can show without getting banned...
> 
> 
> __
> Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
> Show Content


You are so messed up!!!:laugh:>


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## Deejo

I've never really been able to get my head around this concern. I've seen a lot of those kinds of posts over the years.

It strikes me as generally corrosive.

If the question is coming from an insecure place, there really is no good outcome for anyone.

Sent from my SM-G935T using Tapatalk


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> When I started dating my now wife we both had blood tests and they were clear.That’s all the information I needed.
> 
> She told me once that she had three previous partners,I hadn’t asked and I didn’t volunteer any details of my own count.



Why did you do blood tests? Is that a requirement to date nowadays?  (sorry I’m out of touch)





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## red oak

I would always ask about any serious, past relationships.
What happened in those relationshipa. What led to the demise. How they coped after etc, because everything from a persons past is a part of who they are, and is the only way to fully understand their hopes, dreams and needs. Only way to know if they have honesty and integrity.


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## 269370

EllisRedding said:


> Probably the only one I can show without getting banned...



I’m so hungry for sausage right now. Is that weird?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## southbound

Wolf1974 said:


> I have asked both questions in every relationship I had except my x wife because I already knew the answers as we were high school sweethearts. As equally shocking as some find it to ask or be asked these questions I find it as shocking that you wouldn’t. This is your partner and someone you’re spending Your life with. If we can’t talk about sex that would just seem so odd to me.
> 
> Every women, other than x wife at time of our marriage, had multiple partners and each had at least one or more ****s bigger than mine. I don’t care about either of those things just that we can talk about everything. I guess everyone sees things different. Like I said the first time I ever heard people DONT discuss these things was here on TAM.


I’m with you. I’m not saying that one should address this ona first date, but how could two people have a lengthy relationship and never talk about this? 

I also want to know what led to her divorce. If she divorced him for a silly reason or if she cheated, I would gave second thoughts about being with her.


----------



## ConanHub

Deejo said:


> I've never really been able to get my head around this concern. I've seen a lot of those kinds of posts over the years.
> 
> It strikes me as generally corrosive.
> 
> If the question is coming from an insecure place, there really is no good outcome for anyone.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935T using Tapatalk


This is in line with my thoughts in my OP.

I'm in favor of healthy discussion that both parties participate in with mutual interest.

My OP was about when it is weird, like on a first date or brought up awkwardly and definitely with a man making the woman feel at least a little uncomfortable.


----------



## ConanHub

I guess I don't ask total strangers to get into a relationship with me and even if I hit it off with a woman I didn't know, I would get to know her in good time and if she had character traits I found too unattractive, I wouldn't pursue the relationship very far.

If she was attractive enough to keep my attention, I guarantee her history wouldn't divert me. If she had an extremely colorful past, I would need informed so as to avoid any stupid situations that might arise but not much different than letting your SO know about an ex before meeting them or if you run into them casually.

Generally speaking however, I don't see this as being important in the average situation.

If she is impressive, she should be judged on her current merits. 

Mrs. Conan was quite promiscuous before meeting me, having been the OW twice, and was cheated on and cheated in retaliation in her two marriages before me.

She is the love of my life. I knew at first sight. We spent the first several months almost constantly in bed, 30+ times our first week.

27 years together, two sons, two grandchildren and she still gets my heart beating and drops her panties for me at the first hint I want her.

I have never laughed or loved better than with her.

Ignoring something wonderful in front of you because of a checklist doesn't seem wise in the organic world we actually live in.

My initial OP was wondering, If everything is wonderful and you both are happy and satisfied, why be overly concerned about number of partners and especially big dongs?

If the relationship and sex is good and satisfying to you both, why worry?


----------



## 269370

ConanHub said:


> I guess I don't ask total strangers to get into a relationship with me and even if I hit it off with a woman I didn't know, I would get to know her in good time and if she had character traits I found too unattractive, I wouldn't pursue the relationship very far.
> 
> 
> 
> If she was attractive enough to keep my attention, I guarantee her history wouldn't divert me. If she had an extremely colorful past, I would need informed so as to avoid any stupid situations that might arise but not much different than letting your SO know about an ex before meeting them or if you run into them casually.
> 
> 
> 
> Generally speaking however, I don't see this as being important in the average situation.
> 
> 
> 
> If she is impressive, she should be judged on her current merits.
> 
> 
> 
> Mrs. Conan was quite promiscuous before meeting me, having been the OW twice, and was cheated on and cheated in retaliation in her two marriages before me.
> 
> 
> 
> She is the love of my life. I knew at first sight. We spent the first several months almost constantly in bed, 30+ times our first week.
> 
> 
> 
> 27 years together, two sons, two grandchildren and she still gets my heart beating and drops her panties for me at the first hint I want her.
> 
> 
> 
> I have never laughed or loved better than with her.
> 
> 
> 
> Ignoring something wonderful in front of you because of a checklist doesn't seem wise in the organic world we actually live in.
> 
> 
> 
> My initial OP was wondering, If everything is wonderful and you both are happy and satisfied, why be overly concerned about number of partners and especially big dongs?
> 
> 
> 
> If the relationship and sex is good and satisfying to you both, why worry?



Probably precisely because everything is NOT ok. You start looking for a reason; like a big dong.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife

I thought it was a normal thing to be concerned with big dongs? I know I am.

:grin2:

Conan, you know you can’t leave yourself open like that on a penis thread. Heh!

If guys I have been with ever had this concern, they did not voice it to me. And little insecure flashes will always slip out about something like that eventually if someone is truly insecure. Most guys I’ve been with were jolly and happy about their ****. It’s like a friend or something.


----------



## CharlieParker

One time my wife did bring up an ex’s ****. We were getting off a plane. We were in the first row of business class but the FA’s held us back to allow first class come down the stairs and deplane first. She caught a guy’s eye, they exchanged brief greetings and he said he’d be at baggage claim, but we were connecting. I was a bit WTF, and deflated (we were merely in business with the ex in F). She could sense that and whispered in my ear “don’t worry, he had a tiny ****”.


----------



## jorgegene

As to the first question (how many partners), you will eventually discuss it after well into
The relationship and before marriage if there is. I won't bring it up though, she will. 
As to the later, (how big were they?) I was never interested. 
Still think it's silly to compare.


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## 269370

CharlieParker said:


> One time my wife did bring up an ex’s ****. We were getting off a plane. We were in the first row of business class but the FA’s held us back to allow first class come down the stairs and deplane first. She caught a guy’s eye, they exchanged brief greetings and he said he’d be at baggage claim, but we were connecting. I was a bit WTF, and deflated (we were merely in business with the ex in F). She could sense that and whispered in my ear “don’t worry, he had a tiny ****”.



Your wife is an angel. She must have read the ‘man’s manual to sooth all and any worries’.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7

I think its very important for me that I share such things with my husband. I think its odd that anyone would hide their past history unless they are ashamed about it. My husband is a very secure man, so has never asked anything about my first husbands penis size or details of what we did, but if he did of course I would tell him, why not? We don't hide things from each other.


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> I think its very important for me that I share such things with my husband. I think its odd that anyone would hide their past history unless they are ashamed about it. My husband is a very secure man, so has never asked anything about my first husbands penis size or details of what we did, but if he did of course I would tell him, why not? We don't hide things from each other.


I actually agree with the situation you are describing.

Seems healthy in that setting.

I'm actually talking about relationships that are very satisfying to both people until the guy starts prying nervously into her past with the outcome determining how the relationship develops or even ends regardless of how compatible they are, due to insecurities or some kind of morality checklist.


----------



## uhtred

Guys obsessing over it seems strange to me. Its just not something I've thought about much. There are some women who care a lot about size, which is fine if that is what they want, but its not that important to most. I think that for many women other physical attributes are more important. Sort of similar to how men feel about women's breast sizes. 







Faithful Wife said:


> I thought it was a normal thing to be concerned with big dongs? I know I am.
> 
> :grin2:
> 
> Conan, you know you can’t leave yourself open like that on a penis thread. Heh!
> 
> If guys I have been with ever had this concern, they did not voice it to me. And little insecure flashes will always slip out about something like that eventually if someone is truly insecure. Most guys I’ve been with were jolly and happy about their ****. It’s like a friend or something.


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> I actually agree with the situation you are describing.
> 
> Seems healthy in that setting.
> 
> I'm actually talking about relationships that are very satisfying to both people until the guy starts prying nervously into her past with the outcome determining how the relationship develops or even ends regardless of how compatible they are, due to insecurities or some kind of morality checklist.


Have never heard of a case like that in my real life. 

I think when we hear it at TAM, the wife may not realize the husband is obsessed about it. He probably just vents here.


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> Have never heard of a case like that in my real life.
> 
> I think when we hear it at TAM, the wife may not realize the husband is obsessed about it. He probably just vents here.


I suspected that this was the case IRL most of the time.

I got genuinely curious about how much this happens to women and was hoping for feedback from the ladies of TAM. Your research on this is valuable because you are curious about sex and relationship topics and actually talk to other women along with the advantage of being a woman as well.:wink2:


----------



## *Deidre*

My husband and I were friends before getting married last year. We are very open about things, but he's never asked me those types of questions. I think if my husband started asking me about the penis size of past bf's, i'd worry that I married an insecure guy.


----------



## MAJDEATH

ConanHub said:


> I guess I don't ask total strangers to get into a relationship with me and even if I hit it off with a woman I didn't know, I would get to know her in good time and if she had character traits I found too unattractive, I wouldn't pursue the relationship very far.
> 
> If she was attractive enough to keep my attention, I guarantee her history wouldn't divert me. If she had an extremely colorful past, I would need informed so as to avoid any stupid situations that might arise but not much different than letting your SO know about an ex before meeting them or if you run into them casually.
> 
> Generally speaking however, I don't see this as being important in the average situation.
> 
> If she is impressive, she should be judged on her current merits.
> 
> Mrs. Conan was quite promiscuous before meeting me, *having been the OW twice, and was cheated on and cheated in retaliation in her two marriages before me.*
> 
> She is the love of my life. I knew at first sight. We spent the first several months almost constantly in bed, 30+ times our first week.
> 
> 27 years together, two sons, two grandchildren and she still gets my heart beating and drops her panties for me at the first hint I want her.
> 
> I have never laughed or loved better than with her.
> 
> Ignoring something wonderful in front of you because of a checklist doesn't seem wise in the organic world we actually live in.
> 
> My initial OP was wondering, If everything is wonderful and you both are happy and satisfied, why be overly concerned about number of partners and especially big dongs?
> 
> If the relationship and sex is good and satisfying to you both, why worry?


So you married a former serial cheater and it worked out for the best. I'll have to remember that the next time some posters give me grief over my W and her former wayward ways. People can and do change.


----------



## Andy1001

inmyprime said:


> Why did you do blood tests? Is that a requirement to date nowadays?  (sorry I’m out of touch)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Up until then I had always used condoms while having sex so I was as certain as I could reasonably be that I had no STD’s.My then girlfriend had a two year old son at the time and the boys father turned out to be a lying cheating ******* so she wanted to be sure she had nothing to worry about either.
As I said earlier we were both clean.


----------



## ConanHub

MAJDEATH said:


> So you married a former serial cheater and it worked out for the best. I'll have to remember that the next time some posters give me grief over my W and her former wayward ways. People can and do change.


People can, and should, grow and change.

As long as she changed, why not be with her?

I grew up a lot as well. On paper, we looked like a match made in heck but we both liked what we had in each other and neither one of us got up to too much mischief after we started dating.

I think a lot of problems folks have with your story is just how much she kept misbehaving after you two were already committed. I understand you were part of that disastrous decision but the lion's share of the mess certainly rests on her shoulders.

Mrs. Conan has been a very good partner, especially regarding fidelity, during our relationship.


----------



## MAJDEATH

ConanHub said:


> MAJDEATH said:
> 
> 
> 
> So you married a former serial cheater and it worked out for the best. I'll have to remember that the next time some posters give me grief over my W and her former wayward ways. People can and do change.
> 
> 
> 
> People can, and should, grow and change.
> 
> As long as she changed, why not be with her?
> 
> I grew up a lot as well. On paper, we looked like a match made in heck but we both liked what we had in each other and neither one of us got up to too much mischief after we started dating.
> 
> I think a lot of problems folks have with your story is just how much she kept misbehaving after you two were already committed. I understand you were part of that disastrous decision but the lion's share of the mess certainly rests on her shoulders.
> 
> Mrs. Conan has been a very good partner, especially regarding fidelity, during our relationship.
Click to expand...

So if she had a misstep now would you kick her to the curb? Or, based on the circumstances, would you work thru it?


----------



## ConanHub

MAJDEATH said:


> So if she had a misstep now would you kick her to the curb? Or, based on the circumstances, would you work thru it?


If she had sex with someone else, we would call it quits. She knew my deal breakers up front and I don't share my bed.

If she screwed up and kissed someone during a party or similar circumstances and she was repentant, we would probably work through it.

I just don't have any room in my bed for anyone else. I don't like being defiled. Im not really jealous or insecure, just extremely exclusive and territorial.


----------



## jorgegene

uhtred said:


> Guys obsessing over it seems strange to me. Its just not something I've thought about much. There are some women who care a lot about size, which is fine if that is what they want, but its not that important to most. I think that for many women other physical attributes are more important. Sort of similar to how men feel about women's breast sizes.


I like this analogy and I think it's an good one.

What I mean is I've been with women of most breast sizes from pretty small to medium and
Huge. I've enjoyed them all. You like the woman, then you like her breasts. Or learn to. I know it's somewhat different in that breasts do not interact the way a penis does. But given that most women say it's not the size so much
As how it's used. So what's the problem?


----------



## Faithful Wife

MAJDEATH said:


> So if she had a misstep now would you kick her to the curb? Or, based on the circumstances, would you work thru it?


Maj.....you know it’s ok for you to just accept what has happened and still love her right? It seems you struggle to make her infidelity be normal somehow or blame-able on someone or something else. And you want to love and accept her but it tortures you. 

It’s ok to love someone who is flawed and has hurt you and may even hurt you again. If you can somehow stop being tortured by it. Counseling? Hypnosis?


----------



## MAJDEATH

personofinterest said:


> You need serious help


I don't know if you are/were married past or present. So how do you know something similar didn't occur with your spouse? Because they would have told you all about it right? Don't be naive. The numbers in recent reports would blow your mind.


----------



## MAJDEATH

Faithful Wife said:


> Maj.....you know it’s ok for you to just accept what has happened and still love her right? It seems you struggle to make her infidelity be normal somehow or blame-able on someone or something else. And you want to love and accept her but it tortures you.
> 
> It’s ok to love someone who is flawed and has hurt you and may even hurt you again. If you can somehow stop being tortured by it. *Counseling? Hypnosis?*


Booze? Blow? Hookers? j/k 

I go to weekly counseling.


----------



## Diana7

MAJDEATH said:


> So you married a former serial cheater and it worked out for the best. I'll have to remember that the next time some posters give me grief over my W and her former wayward ways. People can and do change.


Well maybe a few can, but most don't. Especially those whose morals are so low that they thought nothing of having an affair with another person's spouse. When you have low moral values and not much integrity, you rarely gain them later on.


----------



## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Well maybe a few can, but most don't. Especially those whose morals are so low that they thought nothing of having an affair with another person's spouse. When you have low moral values and not much integrity, you rarely gain them later on.



Hmmm...wouldn’t Jesus forgive, no matter what? Why wouldn’t you apply the same moral standards? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001

inmyprime said:


> Hmmm...wouldn’t Jesus forgive, no matter what? Why wouldn’t you apply the same moral standards?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse or being facetious but I look on it like this.
You can forgive anyone anything, but it doesn’t mean you forget and it certainly doesn’t mean you give them a chance to **** you over a second time.
Fool me once and all that Jazz...


----------



## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> ... and it certainly doesn’t mean you give them a chance to **** you over a second time.



But the very act of turning another cheek literally implies that that is what you are supposed to do.
And of course I’m facetious, don’t you know me? 
I just like hearing Diana’s calming words on morals and wisdom before bedtime, they make me calm and sleepy and make me wish I could believe in a world, that is full of morally non-corrupt people...  


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> Well maybe a few can, but most don't. Especially those whose morals are so low that they thought nothing of having an affair with another person's spouse. When you have low moral values and not much integrity, you rarely gain them later on.


Well according to the Bible, no one is good.

Remember Rahab? No one is better than anyone else according to our beliefs and everyone has the choice to repent.

You and I were both born wearing black hats. There was only one who was worthy of wearing a white hat.

I never cheated but I don't think I'm better than Mrs. Conan.

She didn't take her infidelity lightly either even though in both circumstances where she was the OW, she was very young and the man was in a position of power over her.

When husband one cheated on her, she was destroyed and let herself go down a bad path. When husband two tried to move his mistress into her home, she took her toddler and moved on, letting herself fall into the arms of other men until she met me, finalized her divorce and never looked back.

She has been a model wife, especially concerning fidelity, and has broken down more than once, weeping with remorse over her past.

I contend that none of us start with integrity and a moral code but it is taught and learned and chosen as we go through life.


----------



## Diana7

inmyprime said:


> Hmmm...wouldn’t Jesus forgive, no matter what? Why wouldn’t you apply the same moral standards?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


A prerequisite to being forgiven is that the person has really acknowledged that what they did was very wrong, and asked Him for forgiveness. 
Its not always wise to marry someone who has very different moral values to yourself. Also if you are married, forgiveness isn't the same as remaining with that person who may have cheated more than once.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Well according to the Bible, no one is good.
> 
> Remember Rahab? No one is better than anyone else according to our beliefs and everyone has the choice to repent.
> 
> You and I were both born wearing black hats. There was only one who was worthy of wearing a white hat.
> 
> I never cheated but I don't think I'm better than Mrs. Conan.
> 
> She didn't take her infidelity lightly either even though in both circumstances where she was the OW, she was very young and the man was in a position of power over her.
> 
> When husband one cheated on her, she was destroyed and let herself go down a bad path. When husband two tried to move his mistress into her home, she took her toddler and moved on, letting herself fall into the arms of other men until she met me, finalized her divorce and never looked back.
> 
> She has been a model wife, especially concerning fidelity, and has broken down more than once, weeping with remorse over her past.
> 
> I contend that none of us start with integrity and a moral code but it is taught and learned and chosen as we go through life.


Your wife is clearly remorseful, many aren't. Many think that doing what she did is ok.


----------



## Handy

* You and I were both born wearing black hats. There was only one who was worthy of wearing a white hat.*

=

You are bad and you don't do things the way I believe they should be done, so do them my way then you are good.

= Stick and carrot.


Back to do you ask or were you asked about past lovers. My take is people usually keep doing the same thing, even if it is wrong or destructive. Yes some people change but how many. I am happy to hear ConanHub W has has righted herself and ConanHub is happy.

I wouldn't ask about penis sizes but would want to know if my lover was happy with our sex life. But before having sex with her I would ask what was good and what was bad about previous relationships and what she did to cope or what she did to leave the miss-matched relationships. That would give me some idea of her ability to react to situations that change and life is full of changes for some people. Changes happened in my life which I got counseling. My DSM3 diagnosis was "difficulty adapting to major life changes."


----------



## MJJEAN

ConanHub said:


> I'm actually talking about relationships that are very satisfying to both people until the guy starts prying nervously into her past with the outcome determining how the relationship develops or even ends *regardless of how compatible they are*, due to insecurities or *some kind of morality checklist.*


I'm still catching up as I've been away for a while doing real life crud, so pardon if this has already been mentioned.

I got stuck on "some kind of morality checklist". I think that speaks to compatibility. Moral beliefs are a thing and not having moral beliefs in common, backed by actions because words are wind, can and should be a dealbreaker while considering whether or not to begin or continue a relationship.


----------



## ConanHub

MJJEAN said:


> I'm still catching up as I've been away for a while doing real life crud, so pardon if this has already been mentioned.
> 
> I got stuck on "some kind of morality checklist". I think that speaks to compatibility. Moral beliefs are a thing and not having moral beliefs in common, backed by actions because words are wind, can and should be a dealbreaker while considering whether or not to begin or continue a relationship.


I've been empathetic with the men, it is almost always men, who get bent after already getting in a relationship with a woman, having sex with her multiple times and then finding out she had a "big" partner list and/or a hung ex lover or two. 

I am now, however, expressing my POV and I honestly do not get guys like that.

I keep running it through and my thoughts are. "So you have been dating, enjoying and f'ng this woman and both of you seem great with each other and then you start asking her partner count and/or size of past partners?"

These guys blow my noodle because they got romantic and bedded her and then pulled out their "list" to see about compatibility?

I'd be tempted to "educate" men like that with some free self defense lessons if he did that to a friend or relative.


----------



## EllisRedding

ConanHub said:


> I've been empathetic with the men, it is almost always men, who get bent after already getting in a relationship with a woman, having sex with her multiple times and then finding out she had a "big" partner list and/or a hung ex lover or two.
> 
> I am now, however, expressing my POV and I honestly do not get guys like that.
> 
> I keep running it through and my thoughts are. "So you have been dating, enjoying and f'ng this woman and both of you seem great with each other and then you start asking her partner count and/or size of past partners?"
> 
> These guys blow my noodle because they got romantic and bedded her and then pulled out their "list" to see about compatibility?
> 
> I'd be tempted to "educate" men like that with some free self defense lessons if he did that to a friend or relative.


See, I think it can be broken down into several parts. First, if someone waits until after they have had sex to then whip out the morality checklist, at least be honest about it. You were in it first and foremost to get laid, that was your priority. I am sure some of these people would not want to admit this as it would clearly contradict their "morality checklist".

On the other side of it though, and this is just purely my opinion, there are aspects of a potential partners past I would want to know before things got hot & heavy. For me, it would be if there is a history of sexual assault, infidelity, and extensiveness of sexual history (i.e. ballpark partner count). Out of these, infidelity would be an automatic dealbreaker (I know this is not something that applies to every single person who has ever cheated, I do believe in general the saying "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater"), but the others would definitely give me pause. I would however have zero interest in discussing actual intimate details about past partners (whether it by my past partners or theirs, body shape/size or other details).


----------



## MJJEAN

ConanHub said:


> I've been empathetic with the men, it is almost always men, who get bent after already getting in a relationship with a woman, having sex with her multiple times and then finding out she had a "big" partner list and/or a hung ex lover or two.
> 
> I am now, however, expressing my POV and I honestly do not get guys like that.


It's definitely not always men. I've known women who discover things about their partners past and end the relationship because of what they discovered. For example, I know a woman who'd been happily dating a man she later found out had engaged in group sex during his early 20's. He'd never mentioned it. For him, it was youthful experimentation. She never asked, so he didn't tell. Once it was discovered, she was entirely grossed out, lost respect for him, lost sexual attraction to him, and ended the relationship.

I have other, similar, male and female examples.

I've also been disqualified for relationships because of my partner count and the fact that I was a wayward in my first marriage. Honestly, I didn't mind. I figured if the object of my interest and I didn't see eye to eye on matters sexual, well, best to amicably move on rather than waste each others time.




ConanHub said:


> I keep running it through and my thoughts are. "So you have been dating, enjoying and f'ng this woman and both of you seem great with each other and then you start asking her partner count and/or size of past partners?"
> 
> These guys blow my noodle because they got romantic and bedded her and then pulled out their "list" to see about compatibility?
> 
> I'd be tempted to "educate" men like that with some free self defense lessons if he did that to a friend or relative.


This is something I see from the other guy's POV. 

For me, dating and having sex are the initial stages of getting to know someone. After the companionship and sex are judged to be satisfactory it becomes time to determine overall compatibility. Political beliefs, life goals, morals and religion, etc.

So, say I meet a guy. Guy and I enjoy each others company and the sex is good. At that point, I'm going to start asking questions to determine the nature of our relationship. Is he actually not what/who I thought he was and how do I feel about that? Is he someone I can see myself with long term? Is he someone I am going to enjoy on a more casual basis? 

If it turns out his answers change my view of him or things he's done/believes are active turn-offs, then it's over.

I'm kind of the opposite of what we're talking about here. We seem to be discussing people who are willing to leave a relationship over a partner count that is too high. I, on the other hand, would end a fledgling relationship over a partner count that is too low. I'm just turned off by virgins or near virgins. The idea of teaching a grown ass man how to, uhhh, eff is just icky to me. I'm a high libido woman, but I'd rather read a good book than be some pathetic sods sex instructor. I prefer a man who has had _at least_ 5 previous partners and who has had a mix of ONS and longer term sexual relationships. I like my men experienced enough to keep up.


----------



## ConanHub

MJJEAN said:


> It's definitely not always men. I've known women who discover things about their partners past and end the relationship because of what they discovered. For example, I know a woman who'd been happily dating a man she later found out had engaged in group sex during his early 20's. He'd never mentioned it. For him, it was youthful experimentation. She never asked, so he didn't tell. Once it was discovered, she was entirely grossed out, lost respect for him, lost sexual attraction to him, and ended the relationship.
> 
> I have other, similar, male and female examples.
> 
> I've also been disqualified for relationships because of my partner count and the fact that I was a wayward in my first marriage. Honestly, I didn't mind. I figured if the object of my interest and I didn't see eye to eye on matters sexual, well, best to amicably move on rather than waste each others time.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is something I see from the other guy's POV.
> 
> For me, dating and having sex are the initial stages of getting to know someone. After the companionship and sex are judged to be satisfactory it becomes time to determine overall compatibility. Political beliefs, life goals, morals and religion, etc.
> 
> So, say I meet a guy. Guy and I enjoy each others company and the sex is good. At that point, I'm going to start asking questions to determine the nature of our relationship. Is he actually not what/who I thought he was and how do I feel about that? Is he someone I can see myself with long term? Is he someone I am going to enjoy on a more casual basis?
> 
> If it turns out his answers change my view of him or things he's done/believes are active turn-offs, then it's over.
> 
> I'm kind of the opposite of what we're talking about here. We seem to be discussing people who are willing to leave a relationship over a partner count that is too high. I, on the other hand, would end a fledgling relationship over a partner count that is too low. I'm just turned off by virgins or near virgins. The idea of teaching a grown ass man how to, uhhh, eff is just icky to me. I'm a high libido woman, but I'd rather read a good book than be some pathetic sods sex instructor. I prefer a man who has had _at least_ 5 previous partners and who has had a mix of ONS and longer term sexual relationships. I like my men experienced enough to keep up.


You are actually talking about situations, some, that don't apply.

If you started dating a guy and he was curling your toes just from looking at you or touching you lightly, everything else was acceptable and then you find out you were his first and you left him, I would not compute that.

Virgins do sometimes knock it out of the park the first time.

I'm equally baffled at your friend who left group sex man.

I guess I think if you start f'ng someone, you probably should have brought up deal breakers before going too far, especially marrying them.

I'm not saying someone's rules should not apply to their own lives. I'm simply puzzled about people who are satisfied until they find out about a few partners over the limit.

I get needing honesty and definitely to know if you run into an ex, or if your partner had a very colorful past like a 500 partner count, someone who had been intimate with most of your social group or an ex porn star/prostitute.

I'm for transparency in discussing deal breakers and future goals.

I also think it isn't being totally up front of someone to romance and bed them, knowing that if the don't pass the partner/big penis list, they will be discarded.

People with those restrictions don't come across as having any integrity if they are having sex first.

I have no problems with people who are having casual sex with no promises or strings attached.

I'm just picturing some of the posters I have seen on TAM who get bent after having a great relationship only to discover a marginal detail about their partner's past.

I'm also not referring to the people, mostly women in these posts as it is men who are griping, who lied on purpose to land someone.


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## personofinterest

> I also think it isn't being totally up front of someone to romance and bed them, knowing that if the don't pass the partner/big penis list, they will be discarded.
> 
> People with those restrictions don't come across as having any integrity if they are having sex first.


I agree


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## BluesPower

MJJEAN said:


> It's definitely not always men. I've known women who discover things about their partners past and end the relationship because of what they discovered. For example, I know a woman who'd been happily dating a man she later found out had engaged in group sex during his early 20's. He'd never mentioned it. For him, it was youthful experimentation. She never asked, so he didn't tell. Once it was discovered, she was entirely grossed out, lost respect for him, lost sexual attraction to him, and ended the relationship.
> 
> I have other, similar, male and female examples.
> 
> I've also been disqualified for relationships because of my partner count and the fact that I was a wayward in my first marriage. Honestly, I didn't mind. I figured if the object of my interest and I didn't see eye to eye on matters sexual, well, best to amicably move on rather than waste each others time.
> 
> This is something I see from the other guy's POV.
> 
> For me, dating and having sex are the initial stages of getting to know someone. After the companionship and sex are judged to be satisfactory it becomes time to determine overall compatibility. Political beliefs, life goals, morals and religion, etc.
> 
> So, say I meet a guy. Guy and I enjoy each others company and the sex is good. At that point, I'm going to start asking questions to determine the nature of our relationship. Is he actually not what/who I thought he was and how do I feel about that? Is he someone I can see myself with long term? Is he someone I am going to enjoy on a more casual basis?
> 
> If it turns out his answers change my view of him or things he's done/believes are active turn-offs, then it's over.
> 
> I'm kind of the opposite of what we're talking about here. We seem to be discussing people who are willing to leave a relationship over a partner count that is too high. I, on the other hand, would end a fledgling relationship over a partner count that is too low. I'm just turned off by virgins or near virgins. The idea of teaching a grown ass man how to, uhhh, eff is just icky to me. I'm a high libido woman, but I'd rather read a good book than be some pathetic sods sex instructor. I prefer a man who has had _at least_ 5 previous partners and who has had a mix of ONS and longer term sexual relationships. I like my men experienced enough to keep up.


A lot of this works both ways. 

Even my current GF would rather I had not slept around as much as I have. SHE DOES NOT know my number, and I don't even really know if I know what that number is, I'm 54 years old, you know I have been around. 

On the other had, she does not seem to mind my experience in the BR. 

Oh, and ladies, don't ask, "Where did you learn that?". FFS I don't know???


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## EllisRedding

ConanHub said:


> I'm equally baffled at your friend who left group sex man.


I was thinking about this, could be a couple of things actually that could make sense:

- Group sex possibly indicated to this friend that her man had been with other men, which I could understand where that could be a turn off
- It could also indicate that it is something that may still be of interest to the man and may come up down the road


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## ConanHub

EllisRedding said:


> I was thinking about this, could be a couple of things actually that could make sense:
> 
> - Group sex possibly indicated to this friend that her man had been with other men, which I could understand where that could be a turn off
> - It could also indicate that it is something that may still be of interest to the man and may come up down the road


That is fair.


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## MJJEAN

ConanHub said:


> You are actually talking about situations, some, that don't apply.
> 
> If you started dating a guy and he was curling your toes just from looking at you or touching you lightly, everything else was acceptable and then you find out you were his first and you left him, I would not compute that.
> 
> Virgins do sometimes knock it out of the park the first time.
> 
> I'm equally baffled at your friend who left group sex man.


I've actually had my toes curled by a virgin and left because I later found out he was a virgin. The attraction was there, the sex was decent, but I am simply uncomfortable with inexperience on many levels. Frankly, inexperienced men creep me out. Not logical, but more instinctive, I guess. Logically, I don't want to start anything remotely serious with someone who hasn't had the life and sexual experience to know exactly what they want and how they want it. I also don't want to run the risk of getting emotionally involved only to have the relationship end because the inexperienced man would like to go out there and experience what he missed out on. Seen that happen with both women and men way too often. Some just end the relationship, others cheat, all of it could be avoided by simply not getting involved with an inexperienced partner.

The friend who left Group Sex Man did so because she finds group sex to be disgusting. She finds group sex to be physically, morally, and spiritually "gross". She is so turned off by people who "would do that" that she literally lost any and all sexual attraction toward him. No point staying in a romantic relationship with someone who has become sexually unappealing. She's a HLF and a kinkster, but her kinks do not involve multiple partners simultaneously. 





ConanHub said:


> I guess I think if you start f'ng someone, you probably should have brought up deal breakers before going too far, especially marrying them.
> 
> I also think it isn't being totally up front of someone to romance and bed them, knowing that if the don't pass the partner/big penis list, they will be discarded.


This is the nature of dating and non-marital adult relationships. Pretty standard stuff, in my experience. You date, you learn about each other, you may become exclusive, you decide if you're truly compatible, and you move on if not. Anyone dating should understand that the relationship can be terminated and they discarded for any reason at any time.



ConanHub said:


> I'm simply puzzled about people who are satisfied until they find out about a few partners over the limit.
> 
> People with those restrictions don't come across as having any integrity if they are having sex first.
> 
> I'm just picturing some of the posters I have seen on TAM who get bent after having a great relationship only to discover a marginal detail about their partner's past.
> 
> I'm also not referring to the people, mostly women in these posts as it is men who are griping, who lied on purpose to land someone.


Picture this. You're a man thinking of settling down. You're seeking a woman of similar values and experiences. You believe sex belongs only within the confines of marriage or a very committed long term marriage like relationship. You've had sex with 2 women, both of whom you were committed to and in love with at the time. 

You think you've found your future mate. You develop this image of her over the 6 months you've dated. You think she is like you in terms of how she sees sex and sexuality because you've seen no indication otherwise and didn't outright ask. You're committed to her, so you start having sex. Then you find out in the course of conversation that she's been with 30 men and did all kinds of things with them that you find distasteful. Your view of this woman shifts. She isn't who you thought she was and she isn't someone you'd consider a good match. If you'd known these things from the beginning, you'd never have gotten into a relationship with her. You feel like the whole relationship has been a lie.

Happens all the time, and not just regarding sexuality, to both men and women.

A marginal detail to you is someone else's dealbreaker.

It's really all about how one views their partner and whether or not they find them appealing after they discover new information and their view is changed.






BluesPower said:


> Oh, and ladies, don't ask, "Where did you learn that?". FFS I don't know???


:rofl:

I snorted coffee of this one. Holy crap, that's hilarious. If I tried to wade through the mists of time to remember where I learned a particular trick, I'd give myself an aneurysm.


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## EllisRedding

ConanHub said:


> That is fair.


For me it is very simple, don't be a hypocrite. If you are going to hold someone to a certain standard, you better be able to apply that standard to yourself.


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## MAJDEATH

ConanHub said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well maybe a few can, but most don't. Especially those whose morals are so low that they thought nothing of having an affair with another person's spouse. When you have low moral values and not much integrity, you rarely gain them later on.
> 
> 
> 
> Well according to the Bible, no one is good.
> 
> Remember Rahab? No one is better than anyone else according to our beliefs and everyone has the choice to repent.
> 
> You and I were both born wearing black hats. There was only one who was worthy of wearing a white hat.
> 
> I never cheated but I don't think I'm better than Mrs. Conan.
> 
> She didn't take her infidelity lightly either even though in both circumstances where she was the OW, she was very young and the man was in a position of power over her.
> 
> When husband one cheated on her, she was destroyed and let herself go down a bad path. When husband two tried to move his mistress into her home, she took her toddler and moved on, letting herself fall into the arms of other men until she met me, finalized her divorce and never looked back.
> 
> She has been a model wife, especially concerning fidelity, and has broken down more than once, weeping with remorse over her past.
> 
> I contend that none of us start with integrity and a moral code but it is taught and learned and chosen as we go through life.
Click to expand...

I'm surprised you haven't received the same criticism that I have regarding our W's previous behavior - the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" routine. I always thought it should be like after going thru drug rehab: they may relapse to some degree at some point, as long as they keep working/trying to be sober.


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## MAJDEATH

EllisRedding said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> 
> I've been empathetic with the men, it is almost always men, who get bent after already getting in a relationship with a woman, having sex with her multiple times and then finding out she had a "big" partner list and/or a hung ex lover or two.
> 
> I am now, however, expressing my POV and I honestly do not get guys like that.
> 
> I keep running it through and my thoughts are. "So you have been dating, enjoying and f'ng this woman and both of you seem great with each other and then you start asking her partner count and/or size of past partners?"
> 
> These guys blow my noodle because they got romantic and bedded her and then pulled out their "list" to see about compatibility?
> 
> I'd be tempted to "educate" men like that with some free self defense lessons if he did that to a friend or relative.
> 
> 
> 
> See, I think it can be broken down into several parts. First, if someone waits until after they have had sex to then whip out the morality checklist, at least be honest about it. You were in it first and foremost to get laid, that was your priority. I am sure some of these people would not want to admit this as it would clearly contradict their "morality checklist".
> 
> On the other side of it though, and this is just purely my opinion, there are aspects of a potential partners past I would want to know before things got hot & heavy. For me, it would be if there is a history of sexual assault, infidelity, and extensiveness of sexual history (i.e. ballpark partner count). Out of these, infidelity would be an automatic dealbreaker (I know this is not something that applies to every single person who has ever cheated, I do believe in general the saying "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater"), but the others would definitely give me pause. I would however have zero interest in discussing actual intimate details about past partners (whether it by my past partners or theirs, body shape/size or other details).
Click to expand...

I don't think they're gonna tell you about infidelity, sexual assaults, number of partners.


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## MAJDEATH

EllisRedding said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> 
> That is fair.
> 
> 
> 
> For me it is very simple, don't be a hypocrite. If you are going to hold someone to a certain standard, you better be able to apply that standard to yourself.
Click to expand...

No, I think many times a double standard is what is needed. Lots of ladies want an experienced man in the BR who knows how to please her, but they want to think that he didn't learn that from the girl down the street. That is what makes my W and I unique.

According to her, she was much more experienced than I when we met as teenagers (17 partners vs 1). But she had never seen a penis up close. All of her romps were the lights out, many clothes still on, hurried types of encounters. So we learned a lot about each other. I even bough her a book about sexuality and later she had her first O with me.


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## EllisRedding

MAJDEATH said:


> No, I think many times a double standard is what is needed. Lots of ladies want an experienced man in the BR who knows how to please her, but they want to think that he didn't learn that from the girl down the street. That is what makes my W and I unique.
> 
> According to her, she was much more experienced than I when we met as teenagers (17 partners vs 1). But she had never seen a penis up close. All of her romps were the lights out, many clothes still on, hurried types of encounters. So we learned a lot about each other. I even bough her a book about sexuality and later she had her first O with me.


Not sure I follow how that relates to my comment TBH, is the issue the man banging a girl literally down the street lol?

I am talking about a situation where for example a guy brags about his sexual conquests but then gets upset/offended by a female who has similar conquests. I don't see how applying a double standard is in any way good for a relationship


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## personofinterest

EllisRedding said:


> Not sure I follow how that relates to my comment TBH, is the issue the man banging a girl literally down the street lol?
> 
> I am talking about a situation where for example a guy brags about his sexual conquests but then gets upset/offended by a female who has similar conquests. I don't see how applying a double standard is in any way good for a relationship


It's not if you are normal and healthy.


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## Andy1001

EllisRedding said:


> Not sure I follow how that relates to my comment TBH, is the issue the man banging a girl literally down the street lol?
> 
> I am talking about a situation where for example a guy brags about his sexual conquests but then gets upset/offended by a female who has similar conquests. I don't see how applying a double standard is in any way good for a relationship


It’s the rule of three.
A guy overstates his number of sexual conquests by three to appear very sexually experienced.
A woman understates her number by a similar margin so as to appear chaste.
Both are lying but his imaginary girlfriends aren’t going to suddenly appear and contradict him whereas her saying she had five previous partners and then a friend letting slip that on a two week vacation she slept with a different guy every night is going to really make her look bad.
It’s like the old lock and key adage with regards to sex,inherently unfair to the woman.
My opinion? Don’t ask,don’t tell.


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## 269370

ConanHub said:


> and both of you seem great with each other



You keep getting this part wrong.
A couple that has no issues is not going to dwell on this stuff. A relationship already in trouble: different story.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rubix Cubed

EllisRedding said:


> For me it is very simple, don't be a hypocrite. If you are going to hold someone to a certain standard, you better be able to apply that standard to yourself.


QFT! 
In my opinion, this should be applied to every facet of one's life. In my book, there are only a few things worse than a hypocrite.


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## sokillme

Never asked about size, absolutely don't care. I grew up around women my whole life so I have always been able to talk to them and feel comfortable. I have asked friends over some beer what they think and I have almost always gotten the standard answer that it has to be big enough but not too big. Too big was more a novelty but not a long term type of thing. I am in that just right range and I figure I can do the rest. I am sure there are guys who are bigger and guys who are smaller. If I am not a good lover it's on me, besides most women can't even orgasm from intercourse which means that part isn't even the most important. I also think emotion and lust really is more important then anything else when it comes to sex. Most women don't work like us guys do it's a mistake to think of them like us. 

One caveat would be I wouldn't want to be with a size queen. If I was a small chested women I wouldn't want to be with a guy who was into large boobs either. Better to be with someone who is attracted to your type. 

As far as sex partners my count is low. I wanted my sexuality to be something special that I shared with a small few. I needed to be in love to be that intimate. If I had married the first girl I had sex with I would have been fine with that. That being said you can see why someone having the same feelings about this was important to me. I wanted someone who felt that sex was more then a coffee date, like some seem to treat it. Or a pickup basketball game. I can see how that may hold some appeal but not for me. So that was kind of where I was at. To this day I have never really talked to my wife about her past boyfriends. I just don't care as long as they don't interfere with our current relationship. I wanted my wife to have the same philosophy about sex, that was enough. 

I guess I just don't worry about this stuff. I am confident I am good enough for someone, if not my wife then someone else. Besides sex is like dancing. Practice, practice, practice.


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## Betrayedone

personofinterest said:


> You need serious help


FU...


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## personofinterest

Betrayedone said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> You need serious help
> 
> 
> 
> FU...
Click to expand...

I rest my case


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## jorgegene

sokillme said:


> Never asked about size, absolutely don't care. I grew up around women my whole life so I have always been able to talk to them and feel comfortable. I have asked friends over some beer what they think and I have almost always gotten the standard answer that it has to be big enough but not too big. Too big was more a novelty but not a long term type of thing. I am in that just right range and I figure I can do the rest. I am sure there are guys who are bigger and guys who are smaller. If I am not a good lover it's on me, besides most women can't even orgasm from intercourse which means that part isn't even the most important. I also think emotion and lust really is more important then anything else when it comes to sex. Most women don't work like us guys do it's a mistake to think of them like us.
> 
> One caveat would be I wouldn't want to be with a size queen. If I was a small chested women I wouldn't want to be with a guy who was into large boobs either. Better to be with someone who is attracted to your type.
> 
> As far as sex partners my count is low. I wanted my sexuality to be something special that I shared with a small few. I needed to be in love to be that intimate. If I had married the first girl I had sex with I would have been fine with that. That being said you can see why someone having the same feelings about this was important to me. I wanted someone who felt that sex was more then a coffee date, like some seem to treat it. Or a pickup basketball game. I can see how that may hold some appeal but not for me. So that was kind of where I was at. To this day I have never really talked to my wife about her past boyfriends. I just don't care as long as they don't interfere with our current relationship. I wanted my wife to have the same philosophy about sex, that was enough.
> 
> I guess I just don't worry about this stuff. I am confident I am good enough for someone, if not my wife then someone else. Besides sex is like dancing. Practice, practice, practice.


yes, besides, no matter how much experience you bring to bear, every woman is different, likes different things.

you are going to have to re-learn, adjust anyways. and if you are a somewhat natural lover, then you learn what pleases her, whether she's your first, second or thirteenth..

like you ,i have been married 5.5 years to current wife and never once asked her about number of partners. i have a pretty good idea, but i don't care. we work. that's it.


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## musicftw07

I've never asked my girlfriend the number of partners she's had, nor has she shared. Vice versa is also true. There is some information we've voluntarily shared with each other at the person's discretion, but it was never prompted.

I don't really care about the number of people she's slept with. Don't need to know. What's important to me is fidelity, passion, chemistry, and ensuring both of us always have a good time.

As for penis size... I don't understand why a guy would ask that question. (Outside of a situation involving a WW. I could understand a guy asking his cheating wife because that's a pretty big extenuating circumstance.) Do you give her orgasms? Is she responsive sexually? Does she seem to be as into you as you are into her? Great! So go with it and have fun.


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## ConanHub

MAJDEATH said:


> I'm surprised you haven't received the same criticism that I have regarding our W's previous behavior - the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" routine. I always thought it should be like after going thru drug rehab: they may relapse to some degree at some point, as long as they keep working/trying to be sober.


I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater.

Mrs. C also never cheated on me.

She has treated me mostly good and never betrayed me romantically or physically.

I believe people can change. I sincerely hope your Mrs. has.

You have also suffered from the harm your wife has done to you, which is pretty extensive, while I have not been harmed like you have.


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