# Hidden panties



## DaveinOC

Hello ladies, I am putting this up here, as I am too embarrassed to talk to my female friends/relatives about this. Your input would be highly appreciated.

Ever since intimacy in our 5 year marriage became non-existent and having caught my wife using adult material online, I grew suspicious that she may be fantasizing or getting her needs satisfied elsewhere. 

Naturally I became more aware of her belongings and started paying attention to what kind of underwear she wears to work/outing, etc.. I also started counting her worn underwear in the hamper. It is strange because right before the laundry I count maybe 3~4 in the basket but when it comes to folding (after she runs the cycle), I sometimes find 6~7 of her panties. I looked in her drawers and found some worn underwear stuffed at the bottom. I see normal level of discharge with no signs of foreign stains. I asked her why she does this but she says she just leaves them randomly anywhere inadvertently, before turning it around and get mad at me for snooping around. I just drop it but can't stop thinking about this.

I came up with 3 different possibilities:
1) her period started unexpectedly and she doesnt want me to see blood on it
2) she wants to hide underwear she had on while secretly masturbating (she denies masturbating in general), but this is puzzling because she could easily just take em off..
3) she doesn't want me to know that shes wearing different underwear when she goes out

At this point I feel like an insane paranoid husband but I want to know if other women on here would find this behavior understandable/normal. As a guy I can't really understand this cuz I never stuff my worn boxer back into the drawer.....

Thank you


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## FeministInPink

Uh, my dirty underwear always goes directly into the laundry.

Does she work out mid-day? Post-workout panties stank, I always put new ones on after working out, so on those days I will go through two pairs.

Alternately, if she's had a yeast infection, she might be changing panties more frequently.

It does sound a little odd, but I'm not sure if it's odd suspicious or just odd your wife has weird laundry habits and you've just never noticed before.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Is this really any way to live? What in the world are you getting out of this relationship that makes you stay?


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## DaveinOC

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Is this really any way to live? What in the world are you getting out of this relationship that makes you stay?


lol. I do wonder that sometimes, but there are certainly great aspect of our marriage, especially our 2 lovely kids. I know some things will be better if I walk out of this but there are definitely huge downside to doing so..


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## DaveinOC

FeministInPink said:


> Uh, my dirty underwear always goes directly into the laundry.
> 
> Does she work out mid-day? Post-workout panties stank, I always put new ones on after working out, so on those days I will go through two pairs.
> 
> Alternately, if she's had a yeast infection, she might be changing panties more frequently.
> 
> It does sound a little odd, but I'm not sure if it's odd suspicious or just odd your wife has weird laundry habits and you've just never noticed before.


thanks for your input! she doesn't work out. I am fairly certain she would put sweaty stuff into the laundry basket. If she had yeast infection, I am sure she would, but I am thinking she would put the worn one in the basket immediately instead of stuffing it elsewhere. Come to think of it, I can't be definitive that she recently started this. She may always have done this out of convenience or lack of care but I just never really noticed. hmm..


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## sandcastle

What is up with dirty underwear around here?

Some woman is checking boxer stains and now this?

If you are checking underwear- you need to GTFO.


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## TheDudeLebowski

DaveinOC said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> 
> Is this really any way to live? What in the world are you getting out of this relationship that makes you stay?
> 
> 
> 
> lol. I do wonder that sometimes, but there are certainly great aspect of our marriage, especially our 2 lovely kids. I know some things will be better if I walk out of this but there are definitely huge downside to doing so..
Click to expand...

Would you wish a relationship like your own on your kids?


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## SunCMars

An exercise in dirty laundry is it?
Have we stooped so low that even this topic is comment worthy?
..............................................................................................

OK, I have a few minutes before I begin my seven-miler....slow jog.
Down bumpy sidewalks, little snarling dogs the whole way...out and back.
..............................................................................................

The only note-worthy thing to find on those panties is semen.
Get a semen detection kit and check her panties out. 
Uh, before she washes them....good luck with that. She is no dummy, Methinks.

..............................................................................................

There !!!

Now you have some meat on this post's bones.


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## arbitrator

*I wouldn’t put a lot of faith in panty stains! The greater barometer of a wife’s infidelity is actually two-fold:

(1) If she’s donning provocative panties to work that you normally don’t see her in, then you might just be the one who’s cheated on!

(2) More importantly, if her grooming festivities, say down in her nether region, is not exactly what you normally see and fool around with in your bedroom, then chances are you’re being two-timed! Now if she stays shaved or waxed all of the time, then that’s going to be much more difficult to decipher!

Then those new provocative panties of hers would be your only clue!*


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## Evinrude58

Buying new sexy panties, or hiding panties is pretty much classic signs of cheating.

However, you're not getting sex.
Why. Other with who else is?
Just divorce and get yourself some sex.
Easy peasy


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## uhtred

I say that anyone who is actually checking their mate's dirty underwear is long past the right time to leave. 

This also sounds very familiar.....


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## Ursula

When I take my undies off, they go directly into the hamper for washing. Personally, I wouldn't want my SO to count my undies before and after laundry, but if you feel the need to do this, then maybe there's something more going on. Have you installed GPS on her phone? Checked your phone bills? I would start looking into other things quietly, and go from there. This may be no reason to worry, but it might be, too.


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## Mr. Nail

So about 28 years ago when we only had one child we went toa couples party where we played get to know you games. You know the silly games where you ask random questions. anyway this one guy asked who was wearing "clean" socks. Now since my job is Dirty, I was in fresh new everything. Nobody knew quite how to handle the question so we asked for more information. (this is where I learned the danger of TMI) Apparently this guy if he had worn his socks less than a day, would roll them back up and return them to the drawer, Then if he needed a matching pair of socks for the evening he could use the "dirty" socks from the drawer. 

Anyway this whole thread has me traveling down that very twisted memory lane. Thanks for the trip. 

In my opinion, more communication, and less snooping. More intimate conversation, less paranoia. If intimacy is non existent, start with nonsexual intimacy.


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## sandcastle

uhtred said:


> i say that anyone who is actually checking their mate's dirty underwear is long past the right time to leave.
> 
> This also sounds very familiar.....




this.


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## Deperatedwoman

Mr. Nail said:


> In my opinion, more communication, and less snooping. More intimate conversation, less paranoia. If intimacy is non existent, start with nonsexual intimacy.


This!! :wink2:


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## DaveinOC

Thanks all for your valuable input. I know how I will approach this.


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## sokillme

Mr. Nail said:


> In my opinion, more communication, and less snooping. More intimate conversation, less paranoia. If intimacy is non existent, start with nonsexual intimacy.


The problem with this is cheaters lie and gaslighting. If she is cheating she isn't going to have an epiphany and stop if they talk. She is just going to gaslight him. Yes it is way past time to have the come to Jesus talk but that is the point, it is past that now. He needs to do some investigation to see what he is dealing with. Which is most likely cheating.

OP before you do anything do some investigation. At least check your phone bill. If she is cheating she is just going to lie and cover her tracks better.


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## Tatsuhiko

Has she ever explained the lack of intimacy? Did you stop initiating, or did she start rejecting you? Sometimes women in an affair stay loyal to their boyfriend by shutting their husband out. I agree with those that say you should gather evidence before you confront. In addition to checking the phone bill, hide a VAR (voice-activated recorder) in her car if she drives places by herself. It will pick up any conversations she might have with a boyfriend, or confessions she makes to lady friends.


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## Blondilocks

4th possibility: she was getting the fresh undies out of the drawer and took off the soiled and donned the fresh and stuck the soiled in the drawer because she was too lazy or distracted to walk to the hamper. I'm sure that she would have promptly deposited them in the hamper if she knew her husband would be counting and inspecting and sniffing her used ones.


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## Bianca Stella

DaveinOC said:


> Hello ladies, I am putting this up here, as I am too embarrassed to talk to my female friends/relatives about this. Your input would be highly appreciated.
> 
> Ever since intimacy in our 5 year marriage became non-existent and having caught my wife using adult material online, I grew suspicious that she may be fantasizing or getting her needs satisfied elsewhere.
> 
> Naturally I became more aware of her belongings and started paying attention to what kind of underwear she wears to work/outing, etc.. I also started counting her worn underwear in the hamper. It is strange because right before the laundry I count maybe 3~4 in the basket but when it comes to folding (after she runs the cycle), I sometimes find 6~7 of her panties. I looked in her drawers and found some worn underwear stuffed at the bottom. I see normal level of discharge with no signs of foreign stains. I asked her why she does this but she says she just leaves them randomly anywhere inadvertently, before turning it around and get mad at me for snooping around. I just drop it but can't stop thinking about this.
> 
> I came up with 3 different possibilities:
> 1) her period started unexpectedly and she doesnt want me to see blood on it
> 2) she wants to hide underwear she had on while secretly masturbating (she denies masturbating in general), but this is puzzling because she could easily just take em off..
> 3) she doesn't want me to know that shes wearing different underwear when she goes out
> 
> At this point I feel like an insane paranoid husband but I want to know if other women on here would find this behavior understandable/normal. As a guy I can't really understand this cuz I never stuff my worn boxer back into the drawer.....
> 
> Thank you


 how did you stay with no intimacy?? I am going thru something similar but with stains in my husbands boxers... this site is thr best thing that has ever happened to me lol. Something tells me she could be taking pics and sharing them with someone. It doesn?t have to be real or PA. Check phone bill, media, etc...


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## DaveinOC

Bianca Stella said:


> how did you stay with no intimacy?? I am going thru something similar but with stains in my husbands boxers... this site is thr best thing that has ever happened to me lol. Something tells me she could be taking pics and sharing them with someone. It doesn?t have to be real or PA. Check phone bill, media, etc...


Hey Bianca, I should clarify that it not completely non-existent but it would happen only 4~7 times a year in the past 2 years. At first I respected her desire to rest (full time night shift + taking care of 2 kids) whenever she can, and her body was still recovering from pregnancy, hormone imbalance, etc.. but it's gotten to a point it was extremely difficult to bear. I am more passive aggressive so I didn't really say anything and sulked internally. I agree that this site is a great outlet for relieving bottled up stress. That thought never occurred to me, but then she does have history of sending me stuff when we were dating. She has been pretty overprotective of her phone. I knew she was hiding something, but didn't think it would be pictures, but more like text with her guy co-workers that COULD seem a bit flirtatious depending on how I look at it.


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## Bianca Stella

DaveinOC said:


> Bianca Stella said:
> 
> 
> 
> how did you stay with no intimacy?? I am going thru something similar but with stains in my husbands boxers... this site is thr best thing that has ever happened to me lol. Something tells me she could be taking pics and sharing them with someone. It doesn?t have to be real or PA. Check phone bill, media, etc...
> 
> 
> 
> Hey Bianca, I should clarify that it not completely non-existent but it would happen only 4~7 times a year in the past 2 years. At first I respected her desire to rest (full time night shift + taking care of 2 kids) whenever she can, and her body was still recovering from pregnancy, hormone imbalance, etc.. but it's gotten to a point it was extremely difficult to bear. I am more passive aggressive so I didn't really say anything and sulked internally. I agree that this site is a great outlet for relieving bottled up stress. That thought never occurred to me, but then she does have history of sending me stuff when we were dating. She has been pretty overprotective of her phone. I knew she was hiding something, but didn't think it would be pictures, but more like text with her guy co-workers that COULD seem a bit flirtatious depending on how I look at it.
Click to expand...

What does your gut tell you? Intuitiveness in cases like this one can be reliable. If you feel it, keep digging and remain strong. I love the banters here, anonymity is a blessing! Who needs to pay $300 an hour to a therapist when you get all these helpers for free.  are you in the US?


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## DaveinOC

Bianca Stella said:


> What does your gut tell you? Intuitiveness in cases like this one can be reliable. If you feel it, keep digging and remain strong. I love the banters here, anonymity is a blessing! Who needs to pay $300 an hour to a therapist when you get all these helpers for free.  are you in the US?


Oh I hear you. It's liberating to be able to share your private issues without worrying. see the thing is, my sense of logic overpowers emotion 99% of the time. For this issue, I can logically say she is not doing anything, but my baseless hunch tells me there's somethin going on, which is so beyond frustrating. I think in a way I m more bothered that I don't know the truth 100% rather than possibility of her doing something shady. and yup, from OC cali here


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## EleGirl

DaveinOC said:


> Thanks all for your valuable input. I know how I will approach this.


So how will you approach this?


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## She'sStillGotIt

DaveinOC said:


> Ever since intimacy in our 5 year marriage became non-existent and having caught my wife using adult material online, I grew suspicious that she may be fantasizing or getting her needs satisfied elsewhere.


Well color me confused.

In your thread about passing gas in marriage, you *clearly* state that you and your wife actually make sure that you've both 'emptied your bowels' 6 hours before your planned sex romp. I wasn't sure how one can 'control' that it must happen at least 6 hours before and wanted to ask how one insures the timing of that, but decided I'm *much* better off not knowing.

Anyway, then you claim in *this *thread that intimacy is non-existent but in the other thread, it's not.

I'm confused.

ETA: Aww crap, I didn't see your reply to Bianca until after I'd posted this. No need to reply. LOL.


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## Herschel

TheDude brought it with 2 simple posts. 

Why and how long? Eventually you are going to leave, sonwhy wait and why teach your kids to accept being miserable...ayayayayay


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## SunCMars

You have been looking in your' hamper for a solution to discover the [source of] dark spots in your' marriage.

This, to date, has hampered your' journey.

That journey to resolution, to more love, more sex, more trust. with this lady, your' wife.
...............................................................................................................

Ditch the panties raid.
Raid her comms, discover her cons.

A healthy women wanting no sex is an anomaly.

It means: 
She wants no sex, or no sex with you.
I bet on the latter.
The former does not compute, just not suit, the mind and equipment given to women by our Creator.

Women are created to pull love from men, to create life in the trade.
It is their charter and only a few can negate the document.
For the ink dries rock hard, there is no solvent, only flames to erase the intent, the desire and the MAN DATE. 

She is NOT 'up' to something...
Nay, it is 'down'.
It is rolling away. This marriage of yours'. This bond has been loosened, if not broken.

Snoop and set yourself apprised, not surprised.


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## SunCMars

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well color me confused.
> 
> In your thread about passing gas in marriage, you *clearly* state that you and your wife actually make sure that you've both 'emptied your bowels' 6 hours before your planned sex romp. I wasn't sure how one can 'control' that it must happen at least 6 hours before and wanted to ask how one insures the timing of that, but decided I'm *much* better off not knowing.
> 
> Anyway, then you claim in *this *thread that intimacy is non-existent but in the other thread, it's not.
> 
> I'm confused.
> 
> ETA: Aww crap, I didn't see your reply to Bianca until after I'd posted this. No need to reply. LOL.


Yeah,

I do this.
Not read every post "to the final end" before pulling the pin on mine.

Luckily, we can go in later and edit our 'fire from the hip' posts.

That is cheating. And cheating on TAM is a capital offense.


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## DaveinOC

ok, so today, I've decided to just have a heartfelt convo with my wife about this and instead of having accusatory tone, I explained to her I am genuinely concerned because I don't want things worsening in our marriage.

She asked me if i noticed if all those underwear are lace ones, which I did notice but didn't think too much of.. she 
"confessed" that she is not 'hiding' them, but gathering them in a spot to handwash them all at once because (putting them through the machine rips holes easily) and hang them on our towel rack while I am not home because undies hanging in our bathroom is not a sight she particularly wanted me to see.... 

Before anyone says shes is bull****ting me, I honestly believe her. She is not known to be a good liar and her response was almost immediate as I questioned her. 

I feel stupid and relieved.


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## manwithnoname

DaveinOC said:


> ok, so today, I've decided to just have a heartfelt convo with my wife about this and instead of having accusatory tone, I explained to her I am genuinely concerned because I don't want things worsening in our marriage.
> 
> She asked me if i noticed if all those underwear are lace ones, which I did notice but didn't think too much of.. she
> "confessed" that she is not 'hiding' them, but gathering them in a spot to handwash them all at once because (putting them through the machine rips holes easily) and hang them on our towel rack while I am not home because undies hanging in our bathroom is not a sight she particularly wanted me to see....
> 
> Before anyone says shes is bull****ting me, I honestly believe her. She is not known to be a good liar and *her response was almost immediate as I questioned her. *
> 
> I feel stupid and relieved.




Your first post indicated she was pissed that you were snooping....she's had time to prepare a plausible explanation.


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## SunCMars

Ursula said:


> When I take my undies off, they go directly into the hamper for washing. Personally, I wouldn't want my SO to count my undies before and after laundry, but if you feel the need to do this, then maybe there's something more going on.* Have you installed GPS on her phone? *Checked your phone bills? I would start looking into other things quietly, and go from there. This may be no reason to worry, but it might be, too.


I hear that they have miniaturized GPS devices.
Maybe you should sew them into her panties. 

That way, you will always know where they are. Where they have been.

Bum, bummer, but not who has been in them.


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## Openminded

I'm a female and I don't buy that story. Why would hanging up underwear to dry be a sight she doesn't want you to see? Might remind you that you want more sex than you're getting maybe? 

Nope, not buying it.


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## She'sStillGotIt

> I asked her why she does this but she says she just leaves them randomly anywhere inadvertently, before turning it around and get mad at me for snooping around.


So...her FIRST story is that she leaves them 'randomly' anywhere she puts them.

Remember THAT story? And after that first story, she gave you hell for spying on her underwear.

But wait - the story COMPLETELY changes after she's had a day or two to formulate a better, more realistic sounding pile of bull-crap because the story completely *changes *to _this_ happy horse****: 


> ...she "confessed" that she is not 'hiding' them, but gathering them in a spot to handwash them all at once because (putting them through the machine rips holes easily) and hang them on our towel rack while I am not home because undies hanging in our bathroom is not a sight she particularly wanted me to see....


Good lord. She can really lead you around by the nose, can't she? You're SO eager to believe this steaming pile of manure because the alternative - facing the fact that she's wearing lacy underwear for someone OTHER than you - is too much to handle. 

So you don't wonder why her story has so drastically *CHANGED* from the first time you asked her? That didn't ring a bell for you? And you honestly believe that utter *nonsense *she gave you about not wanting you to see underwear drying in your bathroom so this has been a whole secret operation SOLELY to protect *you* from from the trauma of seeing her underwear? Seriously?????? 

No wonder she's been getting away with what she's been doing. You're so ready to believe any of the garbage she feeds you.



> I feel stupid....


Well you should - for believing this pile of dung.


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## 269370

DaveinOC said:


> ok, so today, I've decided to just have a heartfelt convo with my wife about this and instead of having accusatory tone, I explained to her I am genuinely concerned because I don't want things worsening in our marriage.
> 
> She asked me if i noticed if all those underwear are lace ones, which I did notice but didn't think too much of.. she
> "confessed" that she is not 'hiding' them, but gathering them in a spot to handwash them all at once because (putting them through the machine rips holes easily) and hang them on our towel rack while I am not home because undies hanging in our bathroom is not a sight she particularly wanted me to see....
> 
> Before anyone says shes is bull****ting me, I honestly believe her. She is not known to be a good liar and her response was almost immediate as I questioned her.
> 
> I feel stupid and relieved.


This site is great in some respects, in other respects it can be counter-productive...I think the majority of people here have been cheated on or had some sort of a trust issue so naturally, anything remotely suspicious (even if it doesn't sound suspicious to a regular person), will become extrapolated. Sometimes it works wonders (if cheating is actually happening) but sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. And dirty panties, could just be dirty panties that need to be handwashed later...
I would keep your eyes open, read a couple of threads on CWI but generally, unless you have a strong reason not to believe your wife (you need more evidence material than this). The other 'flag' is 'using adult material online'. It is not really a flag though. Many people do this, even in healthy relationships. You could monitor her browsing activities but I wouldn't do it unless you have strong reasons to suspect something. And like I say you will lose any naivety about this subject straight away if you do a bit of reading on CWI...


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## JustTheWife

I hope nobody finds this too gross (it is pretty gross!). But I thought this was a funny thread because when I was still living at home I would come home after "being naughty" with a guy and I would take off my panties and put in a ball at the back of my panty drawer. I would then sneak all the accumulated suspiciously dirty ones into the washing machine after it was already running or just to throw in at the bottom if it was already loaded but not yet started. If I was not able to sneak it in and I was running low, sometimes I'd have to wash them by hand and hang to dry in the back of my closet.

I'm a neat freak so I hated to put dirty panties back in my drawer but I was paranoid about getting caught with this evidence and it was a big pain. So this was my "system".

Sorry for the gross post but I had to say something. There are a million other explanations so I wouldn't worry but I just thought it was funny and I wonder if anyone else used to do this.


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## UnicornCupcake

I could be a weirdo, but I bring clean panties and carry them in a Ziplock bag, lol. Especially if i'm having an all day event and get sweaty and just want to wear something fresh. I've defintiely left them in some random ass places and they've fallen out. The est was when my purse got checked before a concert and the security pulled em out. Ha. I think the issue here is more about your non existent intamcy


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