# Wife dancing with another guy



## Trewavas

Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.

The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.

I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.

What do you think?


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## As'laDain

so, your wife got drunk and danced with a guy. you were present and stopped it because you didnt like what you saw. but, in the process, you caused a scene, that your wife likely now feels responsible for. 

your wife is probably not going to want to dance with anyone else, regardless of the song. not after how much her dancing with the guy seemed to blow things up. if you want to keep it from being a completely negative experience, try dancing with her yourself. the way the other guy was dancing with her. 

personally, i think you did fine, except maybe the threatening the other guy thing. but, i dont know the circumstances. if you told him to piss off and he ignored you, then well, he had it coming. but if you wanted to beat him for no other reason than because he danced with your willing wife, then you have some major jealousy issues. why not be mad at your wife for it instead?

apparently, in her mind at the time, you would be ok with her dancing like that with whoever would dance with her at the time. obviously she was wrong, which is why she said she will never dance with another guy. 

either keep being pissed at her or try to be an awesome and fun dance partner for her. or just add this to the list of things you two argue about. your choice.


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## chillymorn69

Tough one.

Obviously you didn't approve. And if she respects you and your marriage she should apologize and act accordingly.


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## jorgegene

Yah, I agree not cool. If this was a very isolated incident, then maybe, but if a pattern, watch out!

I like your reaction. She gets mad and defensive? So what. She needs too be told in no uncertain terms, not cool!


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## Married but Happy

Lots of dances are very sexy. We've learned tango, salsa, rumba, etc., and we'll dance with whoever else is at the party or club and wants to dance with us. Dance is a sensual art form, and can be very flirty in a ritualized sense, but does not mean it's sexual or has inappropriate intent. If there was no intentional touching beyond normal lead and follow techniques, and patterns that do involve some contact (wraps, etc.), then there is nothing wrong with this. Now, some people won't even let there partners dance with someone else, but this seems needlessly restrictive unless there is a prior reason to question their intentions.


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## sokillme

Go out one night and tell her you are going out dancing. Don't come back until late.


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## Adelais

Lesson: don't get drunk especially at a mixed party. You might do something you won't remember and will later regret. You will ruin your reputation, and send your marriage into a tailspin.

Your wife was drunk. She has never done this type of thing before, right? Of course you are upset by what she did. Next time get upset if you see her drinking too much, because you now know that with too much alcohol she looses all judgement and inhibition.


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## As'laDain

i dont get yall. i have gotten drunk in public with my wife several times just to find out what she has affinities for that she is too embarrassed to tell me. 

then again, im odd.


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## Marc878

Pretty disrespectful behavior before and after. The other woman who asked if that was your wife noticed it too as well as everyone else that was there. Her reaction is BS.

You acted appropriately. Never take that kind of **** from anyone.


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## Diana7

Any sort of sensual or sexual or flirty dancing needs to be with you own husband or wife. A married couple I know wanted to do something together so they started a salsa dancing class. They soon realised that they were being made to dance with lots of other people and said we want to dance together that's why we have come. Apparently it wasn't allowed to dance with you own spouse so they sadly left. Crazy. 

You threatening the OM wasn't a good idea though, she was just as responsible and maybe more so if he wasn't married and she is. Getting drunk is never a good idea. She doesn't sound as if she was THAT drunk though if she was able to dance with this man.

Hopefully she wont do it again, but she needs to stay away from alcohol.


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## Marc878

The other guy crossed a boundary with his wife in public in front of her husband. Only a doormat would have stood back and said/done nothing. He got what he deserved and his wife did too. 

Good lesson for both.

Alcohol is a BS excuse.


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## jsmart

People like to use being drunk as an excuse for poor behavior but the liquor is just lowering her inhibitions. Meaning she was doing what she would like to do but needed the liquid courage to embolden her.

What do you know about this guy she was dancing with? Could they have had prior contact or opportunities to "chat" her up and so doing, build up desire in her? You better make sure. Even if it was the first time they met, you better check that he didn't slip her his number or a "friend" didn't give her info to him.

As for making a scene, you showed her and douche dancer, that you will fight for what is yours. She fought you because she expected you to take this disrespect quietly. Don't cave in. Consistently, I've seen on this and other forums as well as real life, that bold men, who check their woman have a happier and more loyal wife. Nice guys that try to be understanding, caving into ridiculous demands or fearing being called controlling are betrayed.


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## WilliamM

I think you need to consider marriage counseling.

Yes, the dirty dancing was a bit much, but she was drunk. 

Touching? 

We do recognize in some social circles dancing in a way that allows any contact other than the hands is totally forbidden, and you are probably seeking advice from people who adhere to that paradigm.


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## As'laDain

Marc878 said:


> The other guy crossed a boundary with his wife in public in front of her husband. Only a doormat would have stood back and said/done nothing. He got what he deserved and his wife did too.
> 
> Good lesson for both.
> 
> Alcohol is a BS excuse.


im wondering if there is more to this story. from the way OP tells it, his wife just went up to some random guy she didn't know, while she was drunk, and danced with him because he put on a song that she really likes. 

that doesn't sound like ill intent to me. that sounds like drunken jubilee taken farther than he was comfortable with. as for the guy, we dont know how he reacted to OP telling him to get lost. if he was like "oh, my bad!" and bounced, then i dont see where he did anything wrong. its not like he sought HER out. if he tried to pull a **** measuring contest, then, well, he was asking to get his ass beat.


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## As'laDain

Diana7 said:


> Any sort of sensual or sexual or flirty dancing needs to be with you own husband or wife. A married couple I know wanted to do something together so they started a salsa dancing class. They soon realised that they were being made to dance with lots of other people and said we want to dance together that's why we have come. Apparently it wasn't allowed to dance with you own spouse so they sadly left. Crazy.
> 
> You threatening the OM wasn't a good idea though, she was just as responsible and maybe more so if he wasn't married and she is. Getting drunk is never a good idea. *She doesn't sound as if she was THAT drunk though if she was able to dance with this man.*
> 
> Hopefully she wont do it again, but she needs to stay away from alcohol.


say what? i have seen people get so drunk they dont remember the night at all, but were still able to dance their asses off.


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## Roselyn

OP, don't get drunk in public, you or your wife. You'll end up embarassed & humiliated. You need to discuss your situation with your wife honestly. She cannot hold her liquor in public & she behaves so foolishly. Make this your last humiliating situation. You could have hurt someone or got hurt yourself because of her drunken behavior. Make this experience your last.


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## BobSimmons

Don't take her salsa dancing...yikes.

All we have is the OP's words through extremely red tinted glasses, breasts barely/almost touching, she went down and he went down, perhaps he prefers she dances like a straight board arms pinned firmly to the side.

Again, never go to latin countries my friend because your head would explode.


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## GusPolinski

Trewavas said:


> Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
> My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
> The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
> Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.
> 
> The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.
> 
> I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.
> 
> What do you think?


I think that...

a) public intoxication is both 1) trashy and 2) a recipe for exactly this type of stupid adolescent bull****

and 

b) not being drunk in public means that issues like this aren’t even issues to begin with.


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## Satya

Maybe you two should commit to ceasing the alcohol consumption altogether. 

She won't feel the urge to do the human pretzel with a stranger and you won't feel nearly the urge to beat up a stranger. You could have been arrested.

Your wife needs to learn about boundaries.


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## manfromlamancha

You did not do anything wrong. If I had a nickel for everytime I saw a man's wife get drunk and flirty with another man on the dancefloor, I would be a millionaire. It would not be the first time a woman overstepped her boundaries and a husband stepped in and stopped it.

And you can bet your bottom dollar that had you not been there, the guy would have taken advantage of it. Had you not stepped up, you would have lost respect in everyone's eyes and especially in your wife's eyes leading to a permanent lowering of boundaries.

So you did fine.

It's what she did that is not - especially after you stopped it and also the next day. First of all she got drunk and crossed boundaries. That should be a red flag to her of all people and she really needs to acknowledge it just as much for herself as you. Why she isn't could be due to a number of reasons. Stubborn pride, unhappiness or dissatisfaction in her marriage/life - who knows. She needs to get to the bottom of this. This may be the first step on a slippery slope. For all you know this may not have been her first step. Does she go out without you much? She may be even more flirty at work parties or even at work or when out without you.

You need to follow up on this.


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## The Middleman

I would tell her that if that ever ****ing happens again, you are going to throw her ****ing ass out. I have never heard of such blatant disrespect to a spouse, short of an affair. Why don’t you play the video for her parents and ask their opinion?

Many years ago, a guy (old friend of my wife’s) danced with her at a wedding. A fast dance, no body contact, all is good. The next dance was a slow dance and they stayed on the dance floor. Nothing to be concerned about, but I didn’t like it. So, I got up and asked the guy if I can “cut in”. The tells me he’d like to finish the dance. I told him he’s not going to finish. He continued to dance and my wife knew exactly what was going to happen so she stopped dancing. The point of what I am trying to say is that: 


My wife knew I was pissed and had the common sense to respect my wishes (or was looking to avoid a public fist fight). This is the respect that your wife didn’t give you.
You never, for any reason, allow your spouse to get close to someone of the opposite sex, ever.


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## Cooper

It's entirely possible the guy dancing with her didn't even know she was married, your wife could have had fun and easily kept the guy at arms length. I think your wife showed poor judgement and the fault is her's.


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## SunCMars

You should have just moved in on him and started dancing with her yourself. Then again, I would have been pissed too.

As others have said, alcohol makes fools of us all. 
Neither you nor your wife can handle it.

Your wife acted foolishly. She put you on the spot. You over-reacted, for sure.
It's done, she got the message...hopefully.

She will not make the same mistake again...hopefully!

Note: I have seen this same sort of behavior before [from others] when we went dancing, years ago.


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## cashcratebob

Trewavas said:


> Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
> My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
> The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
> *Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them*. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.
> 
> The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.
> 
> I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.
> 
> What do you think?


Assuming your description is valid, your wife allowed herself to be touched inappropriately. That type of dance is essentially a tribute to sex. But I get the impression that dancing with other people is a norm in your relationship. Add alcohol to that norm, this is what you get. So you know, don't do that. Assuming the guy knew she was married, you got a valid reason to be angry at him. Still, I take the road that there isn't an issue if my wife doesn't create an issue so I would certainly be more mad at my wife. If he didn't know, you overreacted towards him. 

Dancing like that isn't just a dance; *in the moment* it is carnal and visceral. 

I would flip my lid if my wife did that, of course that type of action by her would be soooo far from the norm as to be surreal.


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## cashcratebob

The Middleman said:


> I would tell her that if that ever ****ing happens again, you are going to throw her ****ing ass out. I have never heard of such blatant disrespect to a spouse, short of an affair. Why don’t you play the video for her parents and ask their opinion?
> 
> Many years ago, a guy (old friend of my wife’s) danced with her at a wedding. A fast dance, no body contact, all is good. The next dance was a slow dance and they stayed on the dance floor. Nothing to be concerned about, but I didn’t like it.* So, I got up and asked the guy if I can “cut in”. The tells me he’d like to finish the dance.* I told him he’s not going to finish. He continued to dance and my wife knew exactly what was going to happen so she stopped dancing. The point of what I am trying to say is that:
> 
> 
> My wife knew I was pissed and had the common sense to respect my wishes (or was looking to avoid a public fist fight). This is the respect that your wife didn’t give you.
> You never, for any reason, allow your spouse to get close to someone of the opposite sex, ever.



0 to 100 MPH in an instant. Civil to barbaric in a moment. Someone's wedding is getting a good story if your wife doesn't intervene.


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## anchorwatch

Trewavas said:


> What do you think?


Don't drink.


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## Trewavas

Thanks all for your replies and opinions. I know the other guy and he knew she was (and is) my wife. My wife met him for the first time at this party. After their dance, I talked to another woman at the party and she said the dance wasn't that dirty, but when I asked her whether she would have danced with him like that she said no (meaning it was too much). So we have two women (both sober) at the party thinking the dance was too much. Her friend was at the party too and she thinks the same as my wife, it was just a dance.

Why do you think one of the guests picked up a phone and started to record the dance? It was because of the dance (he told me). I'm not much of a dancer, but then again my wife isn't either and neither of us have shown much interest in dancing. I don't remember saying no to her when she wanted to dance (probably several times in all our years together and she has also said no to me) and it hasn't bugged me if she danced normal with another man. In my opinion, if you are going to dance flirty (like some hot latin dance like this) with another person than your spouse you should talk to your spouse first and get his/her opinion.

I don't think drinking is good excuse for anything and neither of us is a heavy drinker. She occasionally goes out with her friends (I also go out occasionally with my friends) and comes home at normal time. I have always trusted her and never doubted her not being faithful. We both feel very bad, me because of this dance and that she thinks it was OK and she because she thinks I'm overreacting because she was "only dancing". I don't think she was going to do more with this guy than this dance, but I think she went too far.


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## MattMatt

Trewavas said:


> Thanks all for your replies and opinions. I know the other guy and he knew she was (and is) my wife. My wife met him for the first time at this party. After their dance, I talked to another woman at the party and she said the dance wasn't that dirty, but when I asked her whether she would have danced with him like that she said no (meaning it was too much). So we have two women (both sober) at the party thinking the dance was too much. Her friend was at the party too and she thinks the same as my wife, it was just a dance.
> 
> Why do you think one of the guests picked up a phone and started to record the dance? It was because of the dance (he told me). I'm not much of a dancer, but then again my wife isn't either and neither of us have shown much interest in dancing. I don't remember saying no to her when she wanted to dance (probably several times in all our years together and she has also said no to me) and it hasn't bugged me if she danced normal with another man. In my opinion, if you are going to dance flirty (like some hot latin dance like this) with another person than your spouse you should talk to your spouse first and get his/her opinion.
> 
> I don't think drinking is good excuse for anything and neither of us is a heavy drinker. She occasionally goes out with her friends (I also go out occasionally with my friends) and comes home at normal time. I have always trusted her and never doubted her not being faithful. We both feel very bad, me because of this dance and that she thinks it was OK and she because she thinks I'm overreacting because she was "only dancing". I don't think she was going to do more with this guy than this dance, but I think she went too far.


Lesson learned by both of you, hopefully?


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## Rowan

Hot Latin dances, as you describe what was going on OP, are usually...well, hot. In most Latin cultures, those dances, even with someone other than your spouse, aren't considered to be anything more than a dance. It's not generally construed as any more lewd than a staid waltz would be in an English ballroom. It's a dance. The end. But, to the non-Latin folks in the room, the dances might seem too much. Just as that staid waltz was once considered such an affront to English morals that an unmarried woman's reputation could be utterly and permanently ruined by performing it, even with her betrothed. 

Is this a cultural problem, OP? Is your wife Latina and you are not? 

In any case, you need to have a calm conversation. You and your wife both need to be very clear on what each of you finds acceptable when dancing with another partner. Is a hand on the back okay? Is a wrap prior to a twirl acceptable? How much distance is necessary between partners? Save the dances/moves that wouldn't be acceptable with other partners, for one another. After you've had this discussion, _then_ if your wife (or you) overstep the boundaries, it's a big problem.

Oh, and don't get so drunk in public that you nearly start a fist fight. There are other ways to handle such situations, most of which won't involve you making an utter ass of yourself, embarrassing your hosts, and possibly getting arrested.


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## dadstartingover

Tough one. What you did is called "mate guarding". Another way of saying "Be gone, other man... She is MINE!" Once in a blue moon women will see this is noble and tough. "Teehee... my man is looking out for me. Protecting me. I like that." In your case, you were interrupting her good time. 

You threw up a giant flag that bluntly stated you are threatened by the other dude. You felt weaker in his presence. If he were a 12-year-old boy doing that stuff, you would laugh it off. 

What you SHOULD have done was focus more of your ire on the wife. She put herself in that position. She had many opportunities to turn around and walk away from the situation. Sounds like she initiated it and had a blast. This is where you let them do their thing, let her have her fun, stand stoically, let her walk off the dance floor and then you say "Just curious... what part of you thought that was appropriate behavior for a married woman?" Then you let her know her know exactly where she went wrong and exactly why you won't be tolerating it.


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## manfromlamancha

Unlike many of the others here, I do not think you over reacted or did anything wrong. So there was no lesson for you to learn here other than to continue to stop this kind of behaviour in future. You did good.

She has a lot to learn though. And the first thing she has to determine is why she is resisting accepting that it was inappropriate behaviour. If the guy knew she was your wife, he should get a particular ass-kicking. And please do not blame alcohol. It only makes it easier to do what one wants to do and is thinking of.

He got horny - she got horny. And acted on it while believing they were protected (in the public eye) by the dance and alcohol. Pure and simple. Neither counted on you stepping up and stepping in. By the way, what did the POS say to you when you stepped in ? Was he aggressive ?


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## TAMAT

Trewavas,

Send the video of the dance to the guys wife or SO. 

You did the right thing by threatening the OM, it sets up a firm boundary. 

Do you ever dance with your W?

Tamat


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## cashcratebob

Rowan said:


> Hot Latin dances, as you describe what was going on OP, are usually...well, hot. In most Latin cultures, those dances, even with someone other than your spouse, aren't considered to be anything more than a dance. It's not generally construed as any more lewd than a staid waltz would be in an English ballroom. It's a dance. The end. But, to the non-Latin folks in the room, the dances might seem too much. Just as that staid waltz was once considered such an affront to English morals that an unmarried woman's reputation could be utterly and permanently ruined by performing it, even with her betrothed.
> 
> Is this a cultural problem, OP? Is your wife Latina and you are not?
> 
> In any case, you need to have a calm conversation. You and your wife both need to be very clear on what each of you finds acceptable when dancing with another partner. Is a hand on the back okay? Is a wrap prior to a twirl acceptable? How much distance is necessary between partners? Save the dances/moves that wouldn't be acceptable with other partners, for one another. After you've had this discussion, _then_ if your wife (or you) overstep the boundaries, it's a big problem.
> 
> Oh, and don't get so drunk in public that you nearly start a fist fight. There are other ways to handle such situations, most of which won't involve you making an utter ass of yourself, embarrassing your hosts, and possibly getting arrested.


Based on his initial description, I think it is safe to call the type of dance "booty" dancing...akin to high school dances when the chaperones aren't around; girl shoving her rear into other guys crotch and gyrating. But I could be wrong. Looking over the thread, the discussion came from other people regarding the sensuality of Latin dance. But maybe @Trewavas can clarify that. 

But there is a difference of boundaries problem for sure.


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## Rowan

cashcratebob said:


> Based on his initial description, I think it is safe to call the type of dance "booty" dancing...akin to high school dances when the chaperones aren't around; girl shoving her rear into other guys crotch and gyrating. But I could be wrong. Looking over the thread, the discussion came from other people regarding the sensuality of Latin dance. But maybe @Trewavas can clarify that.
> 
> But there is a difference of boundaries problem for sure.


It's actually not very clear from the OP's initial post. The fact that he appears wildly offended that his wife's bosom brushed the guy's chest leads me to think there wasn't much of anything more scandalous than that happening. One wouldn't generally complain of brief, and perhaps incidental, chest-to-chest contact if there were ass-to-crotch grinding going on. 

But I could be wrong about that. Different things bother different people.

Incidentally, I got the impression this was Latin dancing from one of the OP's later posts on this thread: 



Trewavas said:


> Thanks all for your replies and opinions. I know the other guy and he knew she was (and is) my wife. My wife met him for the first time at this party. After their dance, I talked to another woman at the party and she said the dance wasn't that dirty, but when I asked her whether she would have danced with him like that she said no (meaning it was too much). So we have two women (both sober) at the party thinking the dance was too much. Her friend was at the party too and she thinks the same as my wife, it was just a dance.
> 
> Why do you think one of the guests picked up a phone and started to record the dance? It was because of the dance (he told me). I'm not much of a dancer, but then again my wife isn't either and neither of us have shown much interest in dancing. I don't remember saying no to her when she wanted to dance (probably several times in all our years together and she has also said no to me) and it hasn't bugged me if she danced normal with another man. In my opinion, *if you are going to dance flirty (like some hot latin dance like this)* with another person than your spouse you should talk to your spouse first and get his/her opinion.
> 
> I don't think drinking is good excuse for anything and neither of us is a heavy drinker. She occasionally goes out with her friends (I also go out occasionally with my friends) and comes home at normal time. I have always trusted her and never doubted her not being faithful. We both feel very bad, me because of this dance and that she thinks it was OK and she because she thinks I'm overreacting because she was "only dancing". I don't think she was going to do more with this guy than this dance, but I think she went too far.


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## Yeswecan

I think the better question is why did your W decide to dance with the dope that put on a song that she likes? I can assure you any song that is played and my W wants to dance to it she will seek me out(and I suck at dancing). 

So, what in your W brain believed that this particular song put on the music player by OM made her go to the dance floor and dance with him? Not like there is some connection with the OM and the song from years ago. Makes no sense why your W would do that. 

As far as your reaction, I would have gone on the dance floor and moved in to dance with my W. Discussion later on what she was thinking would come later.


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## Chaparral

Did the part of the dance where he had his hands touching her boobs with her backside to him show up. Was she grinding on him?

I would never trust her going out with the girls to any clubs. But, I didn’t marry until my thirties. Experience taught me no woman can be trusted while drinking and clubbing with the girls. Experience with many friends has also shown me the same. One couple I know has stayed together after the wife started going out with the girls.

The other man’s d your wife knew exactly what they were doing. If your wife isn’t happy her man protects her honor and doesn’t feel ashamed of her behavior when even other women and some one videoing the hot scene things it was too erotic you have problems. 

Assuming she goes out with the girls again I would have her checked out.


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## drifting on

Tell your wife to reverse the roles, that you danced like that so hot that people found it hot enough to record. How would she feel? Would it be just a dance? What if your friend sided with you? Would she still like your friend who supported you? Would she question how you act without her when you’re out? Tell her the dance was inappropriate and won’t happen again. I would also go out and come home very late, if at all, and when she’s called you for four hours tell her you’ve just been having dancing. Then hang up and stay out an additional two hours. When you get home, tell her you danced as she did and there should be no problem.


----------



## cashcratebob

Rowan said:


> It's actually not very clear from the OP's initial post. The fact that he appears wildly offended that his wife's bosom brushed the guy's chest leads me to think there wasn't much of anything more scandalous than that happening. One wouldn't generally complain of brief, and perhaps incidental, chest-to-chest contact if there were ass-to-crotch grinding going on.
> 
> But I could be wrong about that. Different things bother different people.
> 
> Incidentally, I got the impression this was Latin dancing from one of the OP's later posts on this thread:


Good point about getting spun up about the boob touching. His initial post had the description that the guys' had wrapped around her, with his hand right below/just about touching her chest. When I hear about dancing between two adults at a party, my mind, with this type of description, immediately thinks just high school/college level crotch gyrating.

Remember that scene in Wayne's World two, when the Wayne's girlfriend dances with Christopher Walken's character? They were both fairly talented and she was just down to "work out" her skills. Maybe that was going on...If she is actually talented, than her reason to think it was just a dance is a little more valid IMO. 

I think it is mildly important at this point (the type of dancing). There is still an issue of boundaries between the two.


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## SunCMars

Some men do not want other men touching their wife.
I respect that.....a lot.


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## sokillme

This is a symptom of a larger problem. Your wife decided that it was entirely appropriate to have a sexualized dance with another man if front of friends and you. Her husband was there watching that. It shows her mindset is not in a good place. Certainly not a good place for a healthy marriage. You have to get to the bottom of it both of you. But that is very hard to do if she doesn't even acknowledge how disrespectful and just plain painful it is to you. Men need to be treated with respect by their wives if they are going to have a good marriage. What your wife did was essentially a big F-you to you and your marriage.


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## TAMAT

Trewavas,

I would question if she doesn't do this with other guys when she "goes out with the girls" particularly if she drinks, from your description it sounds like something she has done and enjoys.

You need to speak with the OMW.

Tamat


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## Middle of Everything

Wish we could see this dance. Would make it more clear to most of us as to whether it is "way to go OP!" or "dude chill out a bit"

That being said I lean towards the way to go! Like @SunCMars said some guys just do not like other guys touching their wives. I would include myself in this. Doctor? Ok thats required some times. Getting a massage? Its a woman right?

All this being said some people are clueless about how sexy and sexual some dances and even dance moves can be. They view them as simply dances or dance moves. Ask a dancer about a shimmy. Its simply a dance move. You see it as them shaking their tits in a provocative way.


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## Roselyn

OP, woman here 60 years old & 37 years married (first time for both of us). I re-read your post. In your post, you mentioned that your wife initiated the dance. She had the hots for this man. In her state of intoxication, her inhibitions were down and could care less about you and your marriage.

You also mentioned that she goes out with the girls and you with the boys. My guess is that she and her friends do exactly what she did in this dance floor. She's came out of the closet. Do not rugsweep this. Going out with women, especially single or divorce ones, can influence married women directly. They will develop the "pack mentality" of single women. Dirty dancing sends out a message that "I want to have sex with you". Your situation is so embarassing as many individuals in this party know both of you.

Your wife is not acknowledging to you that what she had done is disrespectful to you and your marriage. Now you need to give a consequence for that. No more girls night out, clubbing & getting drunk! Unfortunately, this rule can apply to you as well. My husband and I are married this long because we don't go out nor party without the other.


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## Trewavas

Thanks again for your replies. It is very good to get your views on this matter.

Like I said neither of us dance much and we don't have any Latin roots nor any dance roots. She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?
I also wonder why she didn't first try to dance with me, although the song is far from being my favorite.

She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).


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## Talker67

What does it mean...deep down?
Who knows. 
One thing was for certain, She was very horny that night at the party.
I view this as a wake up call for YOU to do a better job satisfying her sexually! That should have been YOU dirty dancing with her, and the host should have thrown you both out for lewd behavior! 0


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## EllisRedding

If this was a one time issue I wouldn't be too concerned about trusting her (unless you have other reasons for not trusting her?).

Now that being said, if I was in your situation and there was any sort of inappropriate touching going on, I would have gotten right in the middle without hesitation. I rather be that guy making a scene ready to kick the other guy's ass then be the husband laughed at for letting another guy grope his W in public.


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## BigDigg

Several thoughts here...

Since your wife was drinking and rushed to the floor for a specific song, I'm guessing it wasn't just excitement to show off her budding Salsa skills she's been taking classes for...probably just regular ole trashed dancing...

I spent the better part of my 20's hitting dance clubs with my girlfriend (then wife) and friends and their girlfriends/wives. I've never once seen any of them (the guys or the girls) act inappropriately like this, no matter how much they drank or what song was playing. Of course they are all really decent people with strong relationships and good marriages. I just can't see any scenario where an adult (30+) married person could act like this and it being considered appropriate. The fact that others noticed it and even took a video means it must have been pretty awkward. 

How did you approach the other guy and how did he respond? No excuse for another man to knowingly put his arms around a married woman. No excuse for your wife to accept that either. If the guy was anything other than sorry then he likely had it coming...

Many red flags here and would be very alert if I were you. If your wife acts like that in front of you then she's either acting out for attention or just doesn't care. Imagine how she'll behave without you. The fact that she doesn't seem embarrassed by this tells me a lot too...


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## Middle of Everything

EllisRedding said:


> I rather be that guy making a scene ready to kick the other guy's ass then be the husband laughed at for letting another guy grope his W in public.


Agree. AND, I know Im a guy but I think MOST women/wives want this. They either openly or deep down want their husband to "fight" for them. Not be the ***** that is afraid of another man.

Lastly OP I gotta ask your description of the dance is strange. How exactly does the guy have his arm around your wife under her breasts from behind WITHOUT her ass touching his crotch or somewhere on him. He have SUPER long arms? Your wife 90lbs with NO butt whatsoever?


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## 269370

Trewavas said:


> Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
> My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
> The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
> Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.
> 
> The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.
> 
> I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.
> 
> What do you think?


Do you have a youtube link to the video?


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## EllisRedding

Middle of Everything said:


> Agree. AND, I know Im a guy but I think MOST women/wives want this. They either openly or deep down want their husband to "fight" for them. Not be the ***** that is afraid of another man.


Funny, I am about as laid back as possible, don't walk around talking like a tough guy or getting into fights (I prefer to let my sarcasm and MEMEs do the fighting lol). In the 20 yrs my W has known me, she has probably only seen me get real mad maybe once or twice. That being said, when it comes to my W and kids, I don't mess around. Maybe it is my caveman instincts???

Separately, thinking about the OPs situation. My W and I are not really dancers at all. If she just randomly went out on the dance floor with another guy, and this probably sounds counter intuitive, I would be more concerned then if this was a more normal occurrence since it would be so out of character.


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## Rubix Cubed

Trewavas said:


> She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, *it was just normal*, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, _she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago)_.


 If it's normal then she is comfortable with what she did. To normalize it she must have done it fairly regularly, which contradicts her later statement that she has never done it before. I'd wager this is EXACTLY how she carries on during her girls nights out. She considers it "normal" enough that she did it in front of you and a roomful of friends. That shows a lot of comfort in that situation, alcohol or not.
This may be semi-harmless or it may not, but either way, I think she is lying to you about frequency and gaslighting you with the "over-reaction" accusations. She is most certainly disrespecting the hell out of you and dismissing your feelings of the situation to her benefit.

To each his own, but I think you handled it fine. Now you need to have a serious talk with your wife about her and your boundaries and what the consequences will be of crossing said boundaries. Then if it does happen again you MUST stick to those consequences. These are not ultimatums such as "you better do this or else", they are more along the lines of "I can't control what you do, but I don't have to put up with it, and won't."


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## Yeswecan

Trewavas said:


> Thanks again for your replies. It is very good to get your views on this matter.
> 
> Like I said neither of us dance much and we don't have any Latin roots nor any dance roots. She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?
> I also wonder why she didn't first try to dance with me, although the song is far from being my favorite.
> 
> She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).


Heavily overreacting is immaterial. The fact you have a problem with this is reason enough. If your W has never danced like this with anyone in 19 years, why now? It is not normal as your W claims. 

Further, did your W answer why she did this and not seek you out to dance?

As a side note, you asked what could happen next with OM was behind your W. It would have gotten much much more closer. Guaranteed. 

PS: Your W put you in an embarrassing situation. Don't let your W nonsense of claiming you are overreacting fog up the situation at hand.


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## GusPolinski

Three things —

1. If your wife is OK with some random guy grabbing/almost grabbing her breasts under the guise of “only dancing” with you present, what is she OK with when you’re _not_ present?

2. Tell your wife that, from here on out, she’s to engage in “only dancing” with _only you_.

3. This entire thing sounds like a huge ****/fitness test to me. I’d say you passed.


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## Diana7

As'laDain said:


> say what? i have seen people get so drunk they dont remember the night at all, but were still able to dance their asses off.


Most who get very very drunk can barely stand.


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## Diana7

Trewavas said:


> Thanks again for your replies. It is very good to get your views on this matter.
> 
> Like I said neither of us dance much and we don't have any Latin roots nor any dance roots. She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?
> I also wonder why she didn't first try to dance with me, although the song is far from being my favorite.
> 
> She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).


I dont see it as overreacting to be upset about what your wife did, I wonder how she would have reacted if you had done this with another woman. 
There is no way that I would dance with another man like that.


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## toblerone

Talker67 said:


> What does it mean...deep down?
> Who knows.
> One thing was for certain, She was very horny that night at the party.
> I view this as a wake up call for YOU to do a better job satisfying her sexually! That should have been YOU dirty dancing with her, and the host should have thrown you both out for lewd behavior! 0


are you ****ing serious with this ****?


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## Voltaire2013

Take a dance class with your wife, then have your own dirty dancing party. You’ll both enjoy it, become closer and learn a skill. But I would stop acting so butt hurt even if I agree with your reaction. 

Cheers,
V(13)


Trewavas said:


> Thanks all for your replies and opinions. I know the other guy and he knew she was (and is) my wife. My wife met him for the first time at this party. After their dance, I talked to another woman at the party and she said the dance wasn't that dirty, but when I asked her whether she would have danced with him like that she said no (meaning it was too much). So we have two women (both sober) at the party thinking the dance was too much. Her friend was at the party too and she thinks the same as my wife, it was just a dance.
> 
> Why do you think one of the guests picked up a phone and started to record the dance? It was because of the dance (he told me). I'm not much of a dancer, but then again my wife isn't either and neither of us have shown much interest in dancing. I don't remember saying no to her when she wanted to dance (probably several times in all our years together and she has also said no to me) and it hasn't bugged me if she danced normal with another man. In my opinion, if you are going to dance flirty (like some hot latin dance like this) with another person than your spouse you should talk to your spouse first and get his/her opinion.
> 
> I don't think drinking is good excuse for anything and neither of us is a heavy drinker. She occasionally goes out with her friends (I also go out occasionally with my friends) and comes home at normal time. I have always trusted her and never doubted her not being faithful. We both feel very bad, me because of this dance and that she thinks it was OK and she because she thinks I'm overreacting because she was "only dancing". I don't think she was going to do more with this guy than this dance, but I think she went too far.


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## As'laDain

Diana7 said:


> Most who get very very drunk can barely stand.


ah. you have never spent time with the infantry.


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## 269370

Before our wedding, I took some ballroom dance classes with wife. What happened was that a bunch of sleazy middle aged men all wanted to dance with my wife (which the tutor allowed). I have to say, it turned me on a little.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## VermiciousKnid

Dancing is an intimate act. In many cultures, and species of animals, it's foreplay. What your wife did was very sexual and it was with another man. Nothing innocent about it at all.

Call me an a-hole but I might divorce my wife over something like that and she'd most assuredly divorce me if I did the same thing.


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## cashcratebob

VermiciousKnid said:


> Dancing is an intimate act. In many culture, and species of animals, it's foreplay. What your wife did was very sexual and it was with another man. Nothing innocent about it at all.
> 
> Call me an a-hole but I might divorce my wife over something like that and she's most assuredly divorce me if I did the same thing.


:iagree:issed:

EllisRedding said it would be out of the ordinary for his wife, I feel the same. It would totally blow me away. I'd be like, who is this woman??


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## manwithnoname

Trewavas said:


> Thanks again for your replies. It is very good to get your views on this matter.
> 
> Like I said neither of us dance much and we don't have any Latin roots nor any dance roots. She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?
> I also wonder why she didn't first try to dance with me, although the song is far from being my favorite.
> 
> *She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).*


Normal would mean it happens often. She was flirting. You were not over reacting. She has never danced like this with another guy since she met you, _*in front of you*_.

Girls nights out? Not anymore! Just think what might go on when you're not there, if this was done in your presence.


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## sokillme

Trewavas said:


> Thanks again for your replies. It is very good to get your views on this matter.
> 
> Like I said neither of us dance much and we don't have any Latin roots nor any dance roots. She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?
> I also wonder why she didn't first try to dance with me, although the song is far from being my favorite.
> 
> She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).


Dancing with a guy who is touching her breast is normal to her? You need to call her on that. On word comes to mind, Trifling.


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## RandomDude

The Middleman said:


> I would tell her that if that ever ****ing happens again, you are going to throw her ****ing ass out. I have never heard of such blatant disrespect to a spouse, short of an affair. Why don’t you play the video for her parents and ask their opinion?
> 
> Many years ago, a guy (old friend of my wife’s) danced with her at a wedding. A fast dance, no body contact, all is good. The next dance was a slow dance and they stayed on the dance floor. *Nothing to be concerned about, but I didn’t like it. So, I got up and asked the guy if I can “cut in”.* The tells me he’d like to finish the dance. I told him he’s not going to finish. He continued to dance and my wife knew exactly what was going to happen so she stopped dancing. The point of what I am trying to say is that:
> 
> 
> My wife knew I was pissed and had the common sense to respect my wishes (or was looking to avoid a public fist fight). This is the respect that your wife didn’t give you.
> You never, for any reason, allow your spouse to get close to someone of the opposite sex, ever.


Solution right here. Or just grab a beer and give it to the guy and while he takes the beer you take your wife's hand and continue the dance.

No scene, better that way, have the talk later.


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## bandit.45

You did okay. 

Your wife’s attitude, however, shows a lack of respect. Take the party money and spend it on some marriage counseling.


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## Taxman

Had this happen about 40 years ago, right around the time we were first married. One of her former BF's literally cut in, and was slow dancing stupidly with her. I attempted to cut back in, but was told to fvck off. The minute he said it, she tried to break away, but, he was drunk, and forceful. Next second, I take his hand off, and tell him that the dance is over. Still did not want to go, so my wife sticks her leg between his, and trips him. She steps over him, and we dance away.


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## ConanHub

Getting drunk and acting stupid is one thing.

Being belligerent about it afterwards and claiming she did no wrong is on another level altogether.

Mrs. C doesn't dance with any man but me, women are fine, but if she screwed up and went a little over the top dancing with another man, she would be mortified once she was made aware of it and be doing cartwheels to make it up to me.

I wouldn't have been super angry to begin with but I might have become slightly furious if she got an attitude about it like your wife has.

That is where I see the problem is.

Not with her drunken screw up but her attitude about it later.


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## Adelais

Trewavas said:


> I don't think drinking is good excuse for anything and neither of us is a heavy drinker.


I don't think drinking is an "excuse." Doing stupid things and distorted perception are just the result of having a higher than what one is used to blood alcohol content. That's why I'm always careful to never drink a little too much in public...I too could do something I'd later regret. You wife needs to recognize what happens to her judgement when she has too much alcohol in her system, or she is going to do something stupid again.


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## bandit.45

I dont see this as anything to end a marriage over, but you and your wife need to sit down and have a long, honest talk about the state of your relationship and the boundaries you will hold each other accountable for. 

Your wife has weak boundaries and if she keeps this up you are going to have more to worry about than just some naughty dancing.


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## chillymorn69

I would not be cool with my wife dancing with another man.

And if I seen it I would stop it if he protested he would be on the ****ing floor! And if she protested she would be out the ****ing door!

Thats how I roll. No excuses no worries about what others think I just don't care.


And by the way my wife knows this about me. Because I have comunicated that I will not put up with this type of ****!


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## Talker67

toblerone said:


> are you ****ing serious with this ****?


Why are you being a douche? YES i am serious. She is out of control horny, so the question is WHY? Not enough sex at home?


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## Archangel2

FWIW - If my wife saw me dancing with your wife that way, I would be singing soprano at church next Sunday!


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## bandit.45

Talker67 said:


> Why are you being a douche? YES i am serious. She is out of control horny, so the question is WHY? Not enough sex at home?


You’re making an assumption. Lets let OP fill us in on his sex life or lack thereof


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## chillymorn69

Talker67 said:


> Why are you being a douche? YES i am serious. She is out of control horny, so the question is WHY? Not enough sex at home?


So in your mind its ok when your wife is horney to start acting like this because the husband is at fault for not keeping he saitated 100% of the time.

Hmm

So does this logic apply in reverse? If the man is out of control horny he get a pass when he plays grab ass with the neibors wife?

If this is how you precieve a marriage to work then no thanks too much game playing foe me.

And no trust!

Never mind I didn't jump your bone before we came out because I horny but I'll dirty dance with this guy because your not meeting my needs.


Ulgy **** there!


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## Diana7

As'laDain said:


> ah. you have never spent time with the infantry.


No but I have done with drunk people.


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## Taxman

I don't see this as an extinction level event, however, it does speak volumes to a lack of enforcement or for that matter discussion of boundary issues. These are discussions before social events where you agree to avoid drunken entanglements, avoid over indulgence in alcohol, basic simple things that need to be agreed between spouses. Never leave anything unsaid. It is demonstrably unwise.


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## Adelais

Trewavas said:


> she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).


If she hasn't danced with another guy since she met you 19 years ago, how did she have the muscle memory to do the dirty dance? With no practice, she would have looked like a total dork. She has done this dance recently, if not with him, with someone else.

Your wife is dancing when she goes out with her friends.


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## Windwalker

First, my wife doesn't dance with other men.
Second, my wife doesn't dance with other men.
Third, if by some weird universe altering incident, she did, I'm breaking in.
Fourth, he gives me ****, and I'm breaking him.

NO MAN, touches my wife and does not answer for it. Call me a ****, I don't care. Just how I roll.


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## The Middleman

cashcratebob said:


> 0 to 100 MPH in an instant. Civil to barbaric in a moment. Someone's wedding is getting a good story if your wife doesn't intervene.


Well, don’t you think the ****head dancing with my wife (and the guy dancing with his wife) should have had the common sense to respect the wishes of the husband of the woman she was dancing with?

When I was in college, worked in a Catering Hall. I’ve seen weddings ruined for less.


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## TRy

Trewavas said:


> Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.





Trewavas said:


> I know the other guy and he knew she was (and is) my wife. My wife met him for the first time at this party.


 The guy did not put the song on at random. They had been flirting prior and she told him about the song, so he put it on for your wife.


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## cashcratebob

The Middleman said:


> Well, don’t you think the ****head dancing with my wife (and the guy dancing with his wife) should have had the common sense to respect the wishes of the husband of the woman she was dancing with?
> 
> When I was in college, worked in a Catering Hall. I’ve seen weddings ruined for less.


I was 100% in agreement with your actions my friend. Me in the same situation would have been close to the same response. A civil but firm request to cut in (0 MPH), his response, now I'm going 100 MPH instantly. Gonna get savage. Yes, he should have the common sense.


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## toblerone

Talker67 said:


> Why are you being a douche? YES i am serious. She is out of control horny, so the question is WHY? Not enough sex at home?


If she was so out of control horny, why wasn't she doing things with her husband? You know, the closest guy to her at the time.

You're essentially blaming the dude for his wife dancing with another guy.



TRy said:


> The guy did not put the song on at random. They had been flirting prior and she told him about the song, so he put it on for your wife.


Especially if she up and ran towards the dude to dance. They've been talking about something.


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## JayDee7

You did what I’d probably do, but I would have stopped the dance like two seconds into it. Why did you let it go on? My wife knows, without me saying, she cannot dance with any other males unless it’s a relative at a wedding or something. I know I cannot dance with any other female as well. It’s just respect. She disrespected you. What are the consequences? You got angry, she embarrassed you and disrespected you, but now what? You need to figure out what to do now.


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## The Middleman

cashcratebob said:


> I was 100% in agreement with your actions my friend. Me in the same situation would have been close to the same response. A civil but firm request to cut in (0 MPH), his response, now I'm going 100 MPH instantly. Gonna get savage. Yes, he should have the common sense.


Sorry, I think I misunderstood you.


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## 269370

It just sounds like she has no awareness to me. Or it was an awakened attempt at making you jealous? Dunno. 
It wouldn’t be a big deal for me. But my wife wouldn’t do something like this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rubix Cubed

inmyprime said:


> It just sounds like she has no awareness to me. Or it was an awakened attempt at making you jealous? Dunno.
> It wouldn’t be a big deal for me. But my wife wouldn’t do something like this.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 Yep, seems like a **** test to me. You can't win. You're a controlling asshat if you do something and a weak **** if you don't.


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## TAMAT

If she comes back from her girls night out wanting to have sex or unusually primed for it, you can guess something was going on. You said that she doesn't like dancing, but it may just be that she doesn't like dancing with you. It's similar to the men who post and say how the OM got a certain sex act from their Ws which their Ws claim to dislike. 

Tamat


----------



## BradWesley2

TRy said:


> The guy did not put the song on at random. They had been flirting prior and she told him about the song, so he put it on for your wife.


Project much? It appears your crystal ball is malfunctioning.

Sheesh.


----------



## The Middleman

Rubix Cubed said:


> Yep, seems like a **** test to me. You can't win. You're a controlling asshat if you do something and a weak **** if you don't.


You know what? I wear the controlling title like a badge of honor. My wife called me that when we had the ex-bf incident, and I sad “... and I’m proud of it”. I don’t react to that ****.


----------



## SunCMars

Rubix Cubed said:


> Yep, seems like a **** test to me. You can't win. You're a controlling asshat if you do something and a weak **** if you don't.


Yes, but which is the better position.

Bent over or standing tall.

Error on the side of protective.


----------



## just got it 55

Trewavas said:


> Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
> My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
> The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
> Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.
> 
> The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.
> 
> I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.
> 
> What do you think?


Sounds to me like this was planned

OP be on guard

55


----------



## ABHale

As'laDain said:


> im wondering if there is more to this story. from the way OP tells it, his wife just went up to some random guy she didn't know, while she was drunk, and danced with him because he put on a song that she really likes.
> 
> that doesn't sound like ill intent to me. that sounds like drunken jubilee taken farther than he was comfortable with. as for the guy, we dont know how he reacted to OP telling him to get lost. if he was like "oh, my bad!" and bounced, then i dont see where he did anything wrong. its not like he sought HER out. if he tried to pull a **** measuring contest, then, well, he was asking to get his ass beat.


The dance guy was going as far as the wife was allowing. She never stopped anything he did and actually went along with it. The guy she danced with isn’t the problem the wife is.


----------



## ABHale

Trewavas said:


> Thanks all for your replies and opinions. I know the other guy and he knew she was (and is) my wife.* My wife met him for the first time at this party. After their dance, I talked to another woman at the party and she said the dance wasn't that dirty, but when I asked her whether she would have danced with him like that she said no (meaning it was too much). So we have two women (both sober) at the party thinking the dance was too much. Her friend was at the party too and she thinks the same as my wife, it was just a dance.*
> 
> Why do you think one of the guests picked up a phone and started to record the dance? It was because of the dance (he told me). I'm not much of a dancer, but then again my wife isn't either and neither of us have shown much interest in dancing. I don't remember saying no to her when she wanted to dance (probably several times in all our years together and she has also said no to me) and it hasn't bugged me if she danced normal with another man. In my opinion, if you are going to dance flirty (like some hot latin dance like this) with another person than your spouse you should talk to your spouse first and get his/her opinion.
> 
> I don't think drinking is good excuse for anything and neither of us is a heavy drinker. She occasionally goes out with her friends (I also go out occasionally with my friends) and comes home at normal time. I have always trusted her and never doubted her not being faithful. We both feel very bad, me because of this dance and that she thinks it was OK and she because she thinks I'm overreacting because she was "only dancing". I don't think she was going to do more with this guy than this dance, but I think she went too far.[/QUOTE/]
> 
> Friends that take sides against the SO in a relationship are toxic.
> 
> What is she saying to your wife behind your back?
> 
> If they go out together, what are they doing if this type of interaction is ok with them both?
> 
> You have all the reason in the world not to trust your wife. It is obvious she has dance with other guys like this before. She isn’t just going to start doing this out of the blue. She felt comfortable enough to do it in front of you as well.
> 
> She didn’t see anything wrong with it because after doing it for so long she doesn’t see a problem with it.


----------



## ABHale

Trewavas said:


> Thanks again for your replies. It is very good to get your views on this matter.
> 
> Like I said neither of us dance much and we don't have any Latin roots nor any dance roots. She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?
> I also wonder why she didn't first try to dance with me, although the song is far from being my favorite.
> 
> *She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).*




i don’t believe this at all. After 19 years she just does it?

Did you ask if she has danced with anyone else like this? If not why did she say this?

It’s not over reacting if your wife is acting like a club ****. 

It’s not over reacting if this isn’t normal behavior.


----------



## Suspicious1

Where are you located?

My wife are Latino, both are parents were born in the hot Caribbean island. So i don't think its a big deal, when we use to go out dancing in a few occasions guys have asked my then gf for a dance, she would asked if it was okay I had no problem with it as long as it was respectful. Never thought about it, as I would dance with other ladies as well but mostly my female friends.

We both love to dance, especially with each other, its been years thou. Really miss it.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Rubix Cubed

SunCMars said:


> Yes, but which is the better position.
> 
> Bent over or standing tall.
> 
> Error on the side of protective.


 I'm with ya.
I'd err on the side that *I* could live with the decision, and I could never live with sitting idly by and doing nothing.


----------



## bandit.45

Suspicious1 said:


> Where are you located?
> 
> My wife are Latino, both are parents were born in the hot Caribbean island. So i don't think its a big deal, when we use to go out dancing in a few occasions guys have asked my then gf for a dance, she would asked if it was okay I had no problem with it as long as it was respectful. Never thought about it, as I would dance with other ladies as well but mostly my female friends.
> 
> We both love to dance, especially with each other, its been years thou. Really miss it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I doubt this was in a Latino country. Different context completely


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Suspicious1 said:


> Where are you located?
> 
> My wife are Latino, both are parents were born in the hot Caribbean island. So i don't think its a big deal, when we use to go out dancing in a few occasions guys have asked my then gf for a dance, she would asked if it was okay I had no problem with it as long as it was respectful. Never thought about it, as I would dance with other ladies as well but mostly my female friends.
> 
> We both love to dance, especially with each other, its been years thou. Really miss it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Twerking is universal, I guess.
It doesn't matter what country it happened in if the OP is uncomfortable with it, then that's the issue, not 'global lewdness of dance' standards. He doesn't like it and his wife doesn't seem to care and dismisses it.


----------



## CuddleBug

Trewavas said:


> Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
> My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
> The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
> Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.
> 
> The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.
> 
> I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.
> 
> What do you think?



- This is not cool of your wife at all!!!!!

- She is not to be flirting and dirty dancing with any other guy. You are her husband and she chose to marry you.

- This is a big no no.

- If Mrs.CuiddleBug and I went to a party and I get a little drunk and dirty danced and flirted with another woman......Mrs.CuddleBug......wait for it.......WOULD OF FREAKED OUT!!!!

- Why didn't your wife grab and dirty dance with you???

- And in front of you as well......

- Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it as well type of a woman.

- She doesn't sound like wife material, more like party girl material.

- It doesn't matter which country her family and herself are all from. This is single behavior......


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## Suspicious1

bandit.45 said:


> I doubt this was in a Latino country. Different context completely


I sorta figured it wasn't old San Juan.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## The Middleman

@Trewavas, how are things going?


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## Betrayedone

This thread has run amok......


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## ABHale

Trewavas I am not saying your wife is cheating on you. But there is something bigger going on here. 

Why would your friend dance with your wife like this to begin with?

Did it look like the two of them dance together before?

Are you sure this is the first time they met?

Can’t get pass the just introducing the two of them, then them being able to dance together like this. He just happens to put on her favorite song then she goes up to him while he is wanting for her. Then they do a very sexual dance together. This doesn’t make any sense at all. This sounds like they rehearsed the dance or this is a really good story.


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## Marc878

Just to be safe go online and check your phone bill.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Trewavas said:


> She says she didn't mean anything with this dance, it was just normal, and was totally not hitting on him. She says I'm heavily overreacting, but then again, she says she has never danced like this with another guy since she met me (almost 19 years ago).


I am afraid I am going to have to call bull**** on this quote. She did this because she wanted to, and the booze just gave her an excuse. You say she goes out with the girls.......I will bet you this has happened on some of her GNOs. 

There is only one word you need to describe this to your wife UNACCEPTABLE!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Now, the other guy was out of line. He new your wife was married, but yet groped her breasts. He disrespected you and your marriage. I, as would other men on this board, would have laid him out cold. Guys like him need to learn a lesson at times. In my 55 years, I have seen situations like this and I can remember several where the guy got punched out.


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## sandcastle

So- your wife was attempting to twerk-
And someone happened to record on phone.
Which you watched?

Ohhh- there was a breast glance or partial touch.



Is this for real?


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## sandcastle

Twerk away!!!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Taxman said:


> Had this happen about 40 years ago, right around the time we were first married. One of her former BF's literally cut in, and was slow dancing stupidly with her. I attempted to cut back in, but was told to fvck off. The minute he said it, she tried to break away, but, he was drunk, and forceful. Next second, I take his hand off, and tell him that the dance is over. Still did not want to go, so my wife sticks her leg between his, and trips him. She steps over him, and we dance away.


Love it. Back when I was in the Corps, my wife and I were off base in a club dancing, a drunken jerk grabbed my wife's ass, sort of taunted me, so I promptly laid his ass out cold. Problem solved.:surprise:


----------



## sandcastle

Lonely husband 42301 said:


> Love it. Back when I was in the Corps, my wife and I were off base in a club dancing, a drunken jerk grabbed my wife's ass, sort of taunted me, so I promptly laid his ass out cold. Problem solved.:surprise:


Guarantee - your wife was not twerkiin- if she was
That would be straight up embarrassing.

But- you laid that boy out.

Bully for you!


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## Sparta

That’s right that’s how some A*shole need to be dealt with... normal women responded with that with respect.


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## Rubix Cubed

Sparta said:


> That’s right that’s how some A*shole need to be dealt with... normal women responded with that with respect.


 Sounds like sandcastle likes dancing with other men's wives.


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## Married but Happy

Rubix Cubed said:


> Sounds like sandcastle likes dancing with other men's wives.


I like dancing with other men's wives and the single women. They like dancing with my wife. Dancing is a social activity. As long as there isn't rubbing, groping, or grinding, it's just innocent fun.


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## Rubix Cubed

Married but Happy said:


> I like dancing with other men's wives and the single women. They like dancing with my wife. Dancing is a social activity. As long as there isn't rubbing, groping, or grinding, *it's just innocent fun*.


"it's just innocent fun" as long as you know the husband is on the same page, if not then you deserve to have your **** knocked into the dirt. Rubbing, groping, or grinding is immaterial if the hubby isn't down with his wife dancing with others in the first place.


----------



## Married but Happy

Rubix Cubed said:


> "it's just innocent fun" as long as you know the husband is on the same page, if not then you deserve to have your **** knocked into the dirt. Rubbing, groping, or grinding is immaterial if the hubby isn't down with his wife dancing with others in the first place.


We careful not to hang out with those kind of narrow-minded ***holes. Problem solved.


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## Dyokemm

If this guy groped or touched OP’s W in a sexual or inappropriate way he deserved to get smacked.....no matter what his W’s intentions or behavior was....

If a man touches a M woman this way in front of her H......he is making a statement and directing an insult at the H in my opinion, and deserves to be put in his place in no uncertain terms.

Even if the tipsy W is telling the truth from her side that it was ‘only a dance’......doesn’t matter as far as what the OM did.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Married but Happy said:


> We careful not to hang out with those kind of narrow-minded ***holes. Problem solved.


We are careful to avoid *****s and scuzbags, so we should be all good.


----------



## TRy

Married but Happy said:


> We careful not to hang out with those kind of narrow-minded ***holes. Problem solved.


Funny, but you do realize that your statement that “We careful not to hang out with those kind of narrow-minded ***holes” is a very narrow-minded statement don’t you? Just saying.


----------



## thefam

Married but Happy said:


> We careful not to hang out with those kind of narrow-minded ***holes. Problem solved.


Why is a man an ******* because he doesn't want his wife to dance with another man?


----------



## manfromlamancha

All the so called "balanced modern thinking" individuals can say that this is acceptable all they want but we (especially the men here) all know this:


Intentions are never pure when you "dirty dance" (and I am not just talking about twerking but more the latin up close and personal type of dancing). That is still OK (as many Latins accept this in dancing - it is a form of sexual expression) as long as everyone is on the same page e.g. the woman knows nothing more is going to happen, the dance boy knows nothing more is going to happen, they do not touch each other in appropriately (they may come close to it though) and most of all, the boyfriend or husband is aware of all this.


Unless this was some salsa club, I doubt the scumbag went in to dance with your wife with pure intentions i.e. "enjoying the dance". He was definitely pushing boundaries to see how far he would get.


Here is the main crux of the matter here: your wife had poor boundaries. She needed to cut him off as soon as he started to push the boundaries beyond dirty dancing and on to dirty bumping or breast touching (by accident my a$$). She didn't she encouraged him so on he went (all protected by "we are just dancing" and "don't be such a neanderthal").


Your wife knows she did something inappropriate. My guess, is she was testing the waters and see if she could get away with it. It is highly likely that she has done this at clubs etc when you are not there (which is why she knows how to dance that way), she just wanted to see how far she could get with you being there. She definitely needs work on her boundaries.


Trewavas, you did the right thing my man. I have seen smaller men take on bigger [email protected] over this and have seen them take these [email protected] down. You will be more respected for this as you did not put up with the disrespect or bad beahaviour.


----------



## Married but Happy

thefam said:


> Why is a man an ******* because he doesn't want his wife to dance with another man?


He's an ***hole because he'd resort to violence in an innocent situation. As I said. we avoid hanging out with people with that attitude. It's fine if he doesn't want his wife to dance with other men, as long as he makes that clear in a reasonable way first. I can and do respect that. I do think the _unreasonable_ responses are often due to archaic notions of ownership, misplaced jealousy, and insecurity (probably performance anxiety if he can't dance). If a "man" can only express his attitude through violence and not simply make his preferences known civilly, he's not much of a man.


----------



## EllisRedding

Married but Happy said:


> He's an ***hole because he'd resort to violence in an innocent situation. As I said. we avoid hanging out with people with that attitude. It's fine if he doesn't want his wife to dance with other men, as long as he makes that clear in a reasonable way first. I can and do respect that. I do think the _unreasonable_ responses are often due to archaic notions of ownership, misplaced jealousy, and insecurity (probably performance anxiety if he can't dance). If a "man" can only express his attitude through violence and not simply make his preferences known civilly, he's not much of a man.


Without being there, how do we know it was an innocent situation? That is up to interpretation. Also, just b/c a man may resort to violence does not in any way imply that his is only way of expressing his attitude as it is very much dependent on the situation.

Just not enough information and the OP went ghost so...


----------



## Married but Happy

EllisRedding said:


> Without being there, how do we know it was an innocent situation? That is up to interpretation. Also, just b/c a man may resort to violence does not in any way imply that his is only way of expressing his attitude as it is very much dependent on the situation.
> 
> Just not enough information and the OP went ghost so...


I am speaking in general, not to the OP. And to the posters who imply they would resort to violence - perhaps that's hyperbole (I certainly hope so). And it sounds like in the OP's case and some of the others, it's the wife who took things too far, not their dance partner, who is blameless.


----------



## EllisRedding

Married but Happy said:


> I am speaking in general, not to the OP. And to the posters who imply they would resort to violence - perhaps that's hyperbole (I certainly hope so). And it sounds like in the OP's case and some of the others, it's the wife who took things too far, not their dance partner, who is blameless.


I think in part though, it is a matter of perspective. IIRC you are in an open marriage, correct? I personally have zero issues with, but you may share a different perspective on what is inappropriate touching vs someone who doesn't believe in an open marriage. Now, I am not saying that violence in any situation is justified, just what may be considered inappropriate and what may be deemed the appropriate response. 

I believe as far as the OP, didn't the partner know him and his W? If so, he is not blameless. It is not like it was some random guy who had some random girl come up to him to dance.

Although I am not allowed to say, I question the merits of this thread...


----------



## Married but Happy

EllisRedding said:


> I think in part though, it is a matter of perspective. IIRC you are in an open marriage, correct? I personally have zero issues with, but you may share a different perspective on what is inappropriate touching vs someone who doesn't believe in an open marriage. Now, I am not saying that violence in any situation is justified, just what may be considered inappropriate and what may be deemed the appropriate response.
> 
> I believe as far as the OP, didn't the partner know him and his W? If so, he is not blameless. It is not like it was some random guy who had some random girl come up to him to dance.
> 
> Although I am not allowed to say, I question the merits of this thread...


Having an open marriage has *no* bearing on what is appropriate dancing behavior in public with anyone who is not explicitly also in a non-traditional relationship (even then, there are public standards of behavior in most venues). My perspective isn't any different because of that, and since most of the places we'd be dancing are public, the prevailing standards apply. Understand, too, that I would not ask a stranger to dance without at least getting to know them and who they're with to ensure that misunderstandings don't occur. Actually, I only dance with people in our social group or from the dance studio where we've taken lessons. However, if a woman approaches me and asks me to dance, then it's reasonable to assume that she is free to do so, but I certainly won't be acting inappropriately with her. That's not to say she might not be inappropriate, but I won't encourage it - I am always a gentleman in public.

A swinger club has different but even more stringent rules that everyone in attendance knows and understands. These environments are all about making the women feel safe to express erotic behavior if they wish. Almost anything goes, if the _woman_ initiates or accepts a request to dance. No absolutely means no, however, for any activity, and any transgression or rude behavior by any man will get him thrown out.

You say the man new the OP and his wife. I still say he has no blame. He accepted a dance request from her. He did not touch her, if the original post is correct. She was over the top in her behavior, which was still within the bounds of most public dancing. If there is any fault, it is hers. OP said he isn't much of a dancer. His wife probably just wanted to have fun with someone who does know how to dance. If OP hadn't intervened and made a scene, all would probably have been well, and OP might even have gotten laid. Instead he got an argument and an ongoing problem. His jealousy and passiveness did not serve him well, IMO.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Innocent dance partner my a$$! From the dance halls and clubs of Puerto Rico, Cuba, the pseudo latin joints of Miami, through to the other Latin countries, we all know that the dance is a form of sexual expression. That is not up for debate. The men accept this and the women too.

This man moved on a woman to "dance" sexually. When he started touching her breasts etc he crossed a boundary - intentionally. Her husband put an end to it. As simple as that.

She crossed a boundary too. And he is dealing with her too. As simple as that too.


----------



## toblerone

I had more to say but the OP seems to be long gone.


----------



## EllisRedding

Married but Happy said:


> *Having an open marriage has no bearing on what is appropriate dancing behavior in public with anyone who is not explicitly also in a non-traditional relationship (even then, there are public standards of behavior in most venues). My perspective isn't any different because of that, and since most of the places we'd be dancing are public, the prevailing standards apply. *Understand, too, that I would not ask a stranger to dance without at least getting to know them and who they're with to ensure that misunderstandings don't occur. Actually, I only dance with people in our social group or from the dance studio where we've taken lessons. However, if a woman approaches me and asks me to dance, then it's reasonable to assume that she is free to do so, but I certainly won't be acting inappropriately with her. That's not to say she might not be inappropriate, but I won't encourage it - I am always a gentleman in public.
> 
> A swinger club has different but even more stringent rules that everyone in attendance knows and understands. These environments are all about making the women feel safe to express erotic behavior if they wish. Almost anything goes, if the _woman_ initiates or accepts a request to dance. No absolutely means no, however, for any activity, and any transgression or rude behavior by any man will get him thrown out.
> 
> You say the man new the OP and his wife. I still say he has no blame. He accepted a dance request from her. He did not touch her, if the original post is correct. She was over the top in her behavior, which was still within the bounds of most public dancing. If there is any fault, it is hers. OP said he isn't much of a dancer. His wife probably just wanted to have fun with someone who does know how to dance. *If OP hadn't intervened and made a scene, all would probably have been well, and OP might even have gotten laid.* Instead he got an argument and an ongoing problem. His jealousy and passiveness did not serve him well, IMO.


We can agree to disagree on the bolded. I was going off of your original post which called the behavior innocent (once again, matter of perspective). I think the last bolded statement clearly shows a different perspective. He could have possibly gotten laid if he had just let his wife act inappropriately with another guy in public (once again, we don't know how far it would have gone had he not intervened)??? 

If I was in the other man's situation, and the W of someone I knew started dancing me to the point where it was getting anywhere near borderline inappropriate, I would back off, very simple. There is no indication that the man did such a thing until the OP intervened. Doesn't seem very gentlemanly to me... Blameless, nope.


----------



## Married but Happy

Well, Ellis, we weren't there, and have only the OP's (probably biased, and distorted if he was also drunk). Besides, how far can things go on the dance floor in public? I don't know if the guy she was dancing with was a gentleman or not, but apparently he did not touch her. The dance would have ended soon, and OP and wife would go home. I think he could have handled it better.


----------



## toblerone

Married but Happy said:


> Besides, how far can things go on the dance floor in public?


All the way.


----------



## EllisRedding

Married but Happy said:


> Besides, how far can things go on the dance floor in public?


Things can easily get to the inappropriate stage on a public dance floor, this is not a stretch at all.


----------



## Married but Happy

EllisRedding said:


> Things can easily get to the inappropriate stage on a public dance floor, this is not a stretch at all.


If things actually become inappropriate, there is plenty of time to intervene. I don't think things got anywhere near that bad - but, I wasn't there so can't know for sure. Just my opinion. And depends on where you draw the line, which is different for different people. Personally, I don't think I'd get bent over some mildly flirty behavior she probably won't even remember tomorrow.


----------



## MyRevelation

Married but Happy said:


> If things actually become inappropriate, there is plenty of time to intervene. I don't think things got anywhere near that bad - but, I wasn't there so can't know for sure. Just my opinion. And depends on where you draw the line, which is different for different people. Personally, I don't think I'd get bent over some mildly flirty behavior she probably won't even remember tomorrow.


I've been reading through this exchange, and at this point, you're just being obtuse.

It was so bad that another woman approached OP with her concerns, and another got out their cell phone and started videoing the dance. OP has a lot worse situation on his hands than even he first thought, which is likely why he hasn't returned.

Seems to me that you have an alternative lifestyle and as such want to normalize questionable behaviors. Most of us simply choose to NOT share our W's with others, even on the dance floor.


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## Rubix Cubed

Married but Happy said:


> If things actually become inappropriate, there is plenty of time to intervene. I don't think things got anywhere near that bad - but, I wasn't there so can't know for sure. Just my opinion. *And depends on where you draw the line, which is different for different people.* Personally, I don't think I'd get bent over some mildly flirty behavior she probably won't even remember tomorrow.


 You sure caved on that one quick. From "*******s" to "different for different people" in 5 posts.


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## Rubix Cubed

myrevelation said:


> i've been reading through this exchange, and at this point, you're just being obtuse.
> 
> It was so bad that another woman approached op with her concerns, and another got out their cell phone and started videoing the dance. Op has a lot worse situation on his hands than even he first thought, which is likely why he hasn't returned.
> 
> Seems to me that you have an alternative lifestyle and as such want to normalize questionable behaviors. Most of us simply choose to not share our w's with others, even on the dance floor.


 Bravo!


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## Middle of Everything

EllisRedding said:


> Things can easily get to the inappropriate stage on a public dance floor, this is not a stretch at all.


Like putting your hands down a woman's panties? Not a dancer at all myself, but something I did myself with my future wife in my younger days while seriously buzzed.


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## EllisRedding

Middle of Everything said:


> Like putting your hands down a woman's panties? Not a dancer at all myself, but something I did myself with my future wife in my younger days while seriously buzzed.


Yeah, hands down panties might qualify as such lol. Even something as simple as grinding with the dance partner would be crossing the line (assuming the persons are in relationships with someone else). Of course this is solely my opinion of what I find inappropriate when in a relationship. Throw in some alcohol, and lines can get crossed very easily.


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## bandit.45

EllisRedding said:


> Yeah, hands down panties might qualify as such lol. Even something as simple as grinding with the dance partner would be crossing the line (assuming the persons are in relationships with someone else). Of course this is solely my opinion of what I find inappropriate when in a relationship. Throw in some alcohol, and lines can get crossed very easily.


You see men and women all over each other in dance clubs... and they don't even try to be all that discreet about it. I was in a nightclub in San Diego once, way back in the late 80s, and saw a chick going down on a guy in a booth right there near the entrance of the club. The bouncers didn't even care. And this was back in the '80s when people were a little more discreet, not much more...but a little...

I have been to clubs in Scottsdale, AZ and seen rich middle aged cougars, with their wedding rings on, throwing themselves at younger men, dirty dancing on the floor, and getting so drunk they literally had to be carried out to their waiting Ubers by the bouncers. A.S.U. fratboys know these clubs and frequent them regularly, knowing they can get an easy piece of wealthy, married tail any time they like. Like picking low-hanging fruit off a tree.


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## Nucking Futs

Married but Happy said:


> If things actually become inappropriate, there is plenty of time to intervene. I don't think things got anywhere near that bad - but, I wasn't there so can't know for sure. Just my opinion. And depends on where you draw the line, which is different for different people. *Personally, I don't think I'd get bent over some mildly flirty behavior she probably won't even remember tomorrow.*


Yeah, but you don't get bent over other men ****ing your wife either.


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## RandomDude

Nucking Futs said:


> Yeah, but you don't get bent over other men ****ing your wife either.


:rofl: Lol brutal!

Be nice! 

Still, I'm not fond of creating scenes, just approach the guy dancing with your wife and take his leave. Smooth, no drama, asserts your dominance without creating a scene.

Then have a calm chat with her later about boundaries without the topic of "omg you whacked him!" hovering over your heads.


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## Evinrude58

If you gotta tell your wife not to dirty dance with other men right in front of you........

you have bigger problems than dancing.


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## TRy

RandomDude said:


> Still, I'm not fond of creating scenes, just approach the guy dancing with your wife and take his leave. Smooth, no drama, asserts your dominance without creating a scene.
> 
> Then have a calm chat with her later about boundaries without the topic of "omg you whacked him!" hovering over your heads.


The OP did try to "just approach the guy dancing with" his wife and asked to cut in, to which the other man (knowing the the OP was her husband) said "No" he wanted to finish the dance with her, as he then turned his back on the OP and tried to continue to dancing with the OP's wife. Fortunately the OP would have none of this, and the wife knew to end the dancing with the other man, but instead of dancing with OP she got into an argument with him. Bottom line is that the OP did the right thing not backing down, even if the other man and the wife made it turn into a scene.


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## Evinrude58

RandomDude said:


> :rofl: Lol brutal!
> 
> Be nice!
> 
> Still, I'm not fond of creating scenes, just approach the guy dancing with your wife and take his leave. Smooth, no drama, asserts your dominance without creating a scene.
> 
> Then have a calm chat with her later about boundaries without the topic of "omg you whacked him!" hovering over your heads.


It wasn't "brutal". The guy was a swinger at one time or another. Nuckingfuts was just pointing out that it takes quite a bit to rile the aforementioned poster, compared to guys who aren't into sharing their wives with other men sexually.

Otherwise, yeah, I can see how you'd think that was pretty brutal, heh heh.


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## SoFlaGuy

Late to the party but I would have stepped in too, at the first hint of lines getting crossed. I would try to be discrete but if he was being rude I would have to match it, just so he was clear.
My wife and I were out at a club, listening to a band and some stranger came and asked me if he could dance with my wife, I don't know him and he appeared to be mildly buzzed so I nicely turned him away to avoid any stupidity. At least he was respectful enough to ask first though.


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## TRy

Married but Happy said:


> You say the man new the OP and his wife. I still say he has no blame. He accepted a dance request from her.


So you believe that the other man "has no blame", even though the other man said no to the OP when the OP asked to cut in, as the other man then turned his back on the OP and tried to continue dancing with the OP's wife? I beg to differ. If the OP had not manned up, the other man would have gladly publicly rubbed dirty dancing with the OP's wife in the OP's face.


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## RandomDude

TRy said:


> The OP did try to "just approach the guy dancing with" his wife and asked to cut in, to which the other man (knowing the the OP was her husband) said "No" he wanted to finish the dance with her, as he then turned his back on the OP and tried to continue to dancing with the OP's wife. Fortunately the OP would have none of this, and the wife knew to end the dancing with the other man, but instead of dancing with OP she got into an argument with him. Bottom line is that the OP did the right thing not backing down, even if the other man and the wife made it turn into a scene.


Oh... didn't read that part, my bad.

Well if that's the case, with the *guy saying no to backing off my wife*, then yeah, guess I would grab him and throw him out the window. No other response acceptable.

As for the wife, with no apology and accountability for her actions... after the above? Then yeah, dealbreaker material.


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## EllisRedding

Just re read the 3 posts from the OP, I don't see anywhere where the other man said no and proceeded to attempt to dance with his W. The one thing the OP said, which is why he jumped in:



> She didn't touch him with her rear end, but I stopped the dance when he was behind her and putting his arm around her, grabbing her just below her breasts slightly touching them. What would be his next move? I think he intended to drag her towards him. Is there really any chance she didn't realize what was happening?


So, I fail to see anything appropriate or innocent in a man going behind someone else's wife, putting his arm around her right under her boobs, unless maybe his plan was to go around the dance floor with her like they were a train lol


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## RandomDude

Now I'm confused


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## EllisRedding

RandomDude said:


> Now I'm confused


Lol, OP only made 3 posts so not a whole lot to go on. From what I can tell:

- OPs wife, liquored up, went out to dance floor to dance with other guy that they both knew
- OPs W did not ask OP to dance first
- Dancing got "dirty", she went down, he went down, possible slight breast contact
- One female partygoer commented to the OP which implied the dancing was rather inappropriate, and another took out a phone to record
- Other man went behind W, put arm around her just under boobs, at which OP jumped in, threatened OM with fistacuffs
- OP and W had big argument
- Due to the trauma from the dance incident, the OP can no longer masturbate to old videos of Soul Train
- OP signed up for TAM


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## RandomDude

EllisRedding said:


> Lol, OP only made 3 posts so not a whole lot to go on. From what I can tell:
> 
> - OPs wife, liquored up, went out to dance floor to dance with other guy that they both knew
> - OPs W did not ask OP to dance first
> - Dancing got "dirty", she went down, he went down, possible slight breast contact
> - One female partygoer commented to the OP which implied the dancing was rather inappropriate, and another took out a phone to record
> - Other man went behind W, put arm around her just under boobs, at which OP jumped in, threatened OM with fistacuffs
> - OP and W had big argument
> - Due to the trauma from the dance incident, the OP can no longer masturbate to old videos of Soul Train
> - OP signed up for TAM


Lol

Thread is 10 pages, I wondered if we missed something.

If that's the case, then I take back my "throw him out the window" advice, and instead again, suggest my smooth, friendly, drama-free approach.


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## TRy

RandomDude said:


> Now I'm confused


I'm now also confused as I am sure that I read it.

*@OP:* Did you post that the other man would not let you cut in and then change it fast enough that it does not show an edit, or delete a post that said it?


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## chillymorn69

Bunch of *****s.

Buddy thats my wife should be enough to stop the dancing!

If he doesn't then I stop him if she protests then shes out the door.

Thats my boundry !

Period. If she thinks its unreasonable then time to move on were not compatible any longer.


I don't care if I make a scene . Matter of fact its good to make a scene somtimes. So when we break up everybody knows why!


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## lucy999

EllisRedding said:


> - Due to the trauma from the dance incident, the OP can no longer masturbate to old videos of Soul Train


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Rubix Cubed

TRy said:


> I'm now also confused as I am sure that I read it.
> 
> *@OP:* Did you post that the other man would not let you cut in and then change it fast enough that it does not show an edit, or delete a post that said it?


IIRC that was another poster in this thread relating a story to the OP.


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## TRy

Rubix Cubed said:


> IIRC that was another poster in this thread relating a story to the OP.


Thanks for clearing that up. I knew that I read it in this thread, and such a similar story.


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## toblerone

I think OP is long gone, but someone can try paging him and see what shakes out.

At this point I think we're all just talking with each other.


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