# What's Going On



## dadof3and7 (10 mo ago)

So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

I hope you took a picture of that email. DO NOT CONFRONT HER YET.

Mouth shut on this and eyes open.

If you confront without evidence, she will hide everything and you'll never know.

I'd get that guys email address written down also, you may need it.

Sorry to say, sounds like something nefarious is going on here.

ETA: you should monitor her email for his response....


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

dadof3and7 said:


> So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


It's questionable but I wouldn't automatically assume she is cheating. That wouldn't be my first thought at all, even as someone who was cheated on. 

I don't use my work email for any personal emails, and "personal" does not mean sexual. If it's not related to work, or is but it's something I shouldn't be sending, I use my personal email. 

Do you have access to her phone and personal email account? Anything there? Or does she hide her phone from you or have a passcode that you don't know?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I agree with other voices here, it doesn‘t sound damming and could be innocent. But, the fact that she tell him she will miss him hanging out would but the dog**** out of me too.

I would start looking at everything, including phone records, texting patterns.
Has her relationship with you changed ?
Has she mentioned this guy in conversations with you at all?
Does she have GNO or have unusual times of being away from you?

Any of those could be innocent, but looking further might show you a problem, if there is one.


----------



## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

I would investigate covertly.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

dadof3and7 said:


> . Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder *what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman*. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


some men actually PREFER older women. And some actually prefer seducing MARRIED older women. It is not uncommon.

Maybe he is that sort of guy, and her "extremely friendly" personality seemed like she was hitting on him.

Does she also dress somewhat sexy at work? Heels, short skirt, revealing blouse....That would help him to get the wrong idea also


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I can understand not using her work email for something that isn’t work related. There is nothing in the emails to suggest anything is going on.

What has you suspecting her?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ABHale said:


> I can understand not using her work email for something that isn’t work related. There is nothing in the emails to suggest anything is going on.
> 
> What has you suspecting her?


if this was an email about an employee finding a new job, for sure she should not use the work email.....you have to assume her company is monitoring those emails


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ABHale said:


> I can understand not using her work email for something that isn’t work related. There is nothing in the emails to suggest anything is going on.
> 
> What has you suspecting her?


To me… this is suspect:



dadof3and7 said:


> The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more".


He hangs out with her and she enjoys that. “It’s a shame” infers more than a casual connection. So if my wife has a connection with someone every school day and it seems she will miss their time together, I want to know more about that situation.

It may be nothing or it may be something.

But It’s ok to ask the question in my book. (Admittedly, mine is a book full of betrayal so I’m not the most trusting in the world)


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

dadof3and7 said:


> So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder *what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman.* I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


Read @Arkansas thread. His wife left him for a college age boy the age of her daughter. He also didn't figure out what was going on until she had transferred herself to the young kid. You know, a 2o something is going to have way more energy for efn than a husband twice their age. And he lives with her since the divorce. 

The answer to your question is NSA sex and a LOT of it. I'll bet that hour after school let out was busy, just not in the way you think. He was "hanging out" alright. So now she is planning how to continue the fun.

Instead of wondering, MAKE your wife prove she hasn't been doing the young guy since he became available. And MAKE her prove the hour after school wasn't for sex. Make her prove your suspicions are wrong. Have their been any changes? Like she doesn't have desire for you in awhile 'cuz she is too tired from 'work'?


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

dadof3and7 said:


> So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


I wouldn’t automatically assume she is cheating just by what you’ve said in your post.

You say your wife is friendly and it can be mistaken for being flirtatious. So, it could just be a case of that and nothing more. Or, perhaps she was flirting a little and maybe that’s all it was and nothing more.

To share some thoughts on a more personal level:

My sister’s husband often says that my sister’s friendliness is confused as flirting. Everyone else can see that she’s flirting, but her husband says she’s just friendly.

Her husband likely says this because this is what she has repeatedly told him when he’s questioned it over the years. Her husband might say “I can’t believe you flirted with that guy”, and she will say something like “I was just being friendly! You’re crazy!”

Without a doubt, she speaks flirtatiously and her facial expressions and body language also seem flirtatious.

Example:
Me, my husband and his friend were at my sister’s house and her husband was at work. The friend was going to price a renovation job for my sister. The renovation job was in a room upstairs and she took them to the room.

As my sister walked up the stairs, with the friend and my husband walking up the stairs behind her, she arched her back and dramatically swayed her butt side to side (she was wearing tight jeans so it was quite noticeable). My husband’s friend even looked back at my husband with a “WTF” look and I saw it all from downstairs.

Do I think my sister has ever cheated on her husband? No. Do I think her behaviour is often inappropriate? Yes.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> As my sister walked up the stairs, with the friend and my husband walking up the stairs behind her, she arched her back and dramatically swayed her butt side to side (she was wearing tight jeans so it was quite noticeable). My husband’s friend even looked back at my husband with a “WTF” look and I saw it all from downstairs.


I always wondered, HOW do women learn to walk like that?
is there a school or something that all girls go to?


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

dadof3and7 said:


> So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


I don't see anything that sounds like cheating. I'm assuming that is what you are concerned with.

Not using work email for something that isn't work related makes perfect sense. And it sounds like they had a casual work relationship, again no big deal. If she said something like "I'll miss those wonderful lunches with you".

I'm assuming this 24 yo worked at the school, so he and your wife probably would have something to talk about. 

You talk mostly in the past tense here. How long ago was it that she worked at the school and wrote this email? Other than this email, are there any other things that have made you question her fidelity?


----------



## Arkansas (Jan 30, 2020)

dadof3and7 said:


> So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


my wife of 23 years was (to me and everyone around her ) ethical, moral, honest, trustworthy ,.,.,.,.,. I was 100.0% sure in her

she banged a guy 20/21 years old and for a course of 9 months I found out things that blew my mind

the kid? he's looking for sex, maybe a mental rush of stealing someone's wife .... most women in these cases? they get to feel like they're 23 again, wanted, desired, maybe they missed something when they were younger blah blah blah

my advice to you if you are at all worried and care ?

#1 put a GPS tracker on her vehicle - don't tell anyone, and see where she goes. If I'd have done that, I'd have caught mine much earlier
#2 get all her cell phone records. My ex was literally sending/recieving 300-400 a day from that kid. I never suspected it, because I trused

why do #1 and #2 ? because its information to help you find any truths out there you're not aware of and leverage in case there is for the upcoming divorce

if you're wrong, and you don't catch her in a lie and her cell phone records reveal nothing - they don't feel guilty, chalk it up to being paranoid, love your wife and understand being cautious in this world is absolutely warranted


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

A male coworker of mine just took another job.

We chat regularly about current events and politics as well as kids and partners.

Nothing going on and no interest. His wife and my bf are welcome to read out chats.

He said he'd miss our chats until I reminded him that you can chat outside your organization if you both have Teams.

A comment about stopping by one's office means nothing without more evidence.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

\


Talker67 said:


> I always wondered, HOW do women learn to walk like that?
> is there a school or something that all girls go to?


Well, my sister was purposely overdoing it. My hips sway naturally when I walk. I think all or most women's hips sway naturally when they walk? I don't think it's something that's learned, but maybe I'm wrong.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

dadof3and7 said:


> So my wife of many years left an email open so I saw it and read it. She was writing to a guy half her age, I am guessing he was 23 or 24. She worked in a school at the time this occurred. This guys father was a recruiter and a relative was looking for a job at the time. The guy had already given her his fathers email address and told her to have this person send a resume to his father. So my wife's message was "I don't want to use my work email for personal messages so here is my home email address." He was apparently leaving the job. The rest of her message was "its a shame that you won't be able to come down and hang out with me in the office any more". Her job required her to stay about an hour after school lets out. It is supposed to be a busy time of day with students in her office. Is it just me or would a reasonable man wonder what does a 23 year old guy get out of hanging out with a close to 50 year old woman. I have to say that she is a very attractive woman with a great body at her age. She has an extremely friendly personality that I can see can be mistaken for flirtatiousness. She never came home late or went out herself.


I'm an ex-teacher who mentored many young teachers. Mostly we would 'hang' out while I was solving their new teacher problems like parent x said this... student y did this today... My formal observation is next Tuesday and I don't know how to demonstrate critical questioning and student choice in the same lesson.

I most young teachers were female but there were two males I helped and there where times I was in their room or they mine for a couple hours. I will say though it wasn't like super regular and my husband always knew.

When I left my job I emailed and texted private emails and numbers as the school email is public record and can be opened 'legally' by other personnel even though they don't usually bother. It isn't very professional to use your school email for jobs and communications not having to do with the school.

That being said. I keep your eyes and ears open. Talk to your wife. Not necessarily about the email but school, her life, your marriage what have you. Has she recently pulled away? Do you notice any changes? Other than the email is there any other reason to be suspicious?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> \
> 
> Well, my sister was purposely overdoing it. My hips sway naturally when I walk. I think all or most women's hips sway naturally when they walk? I don't think it's something that's learned, but maybe I'm wrong.


i know, i know. it is a super secret thing, you you can not reveal about the classes you went too. i get it.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> i know, i know. it is a super secret thing, you you can not reveal about the classes you went too. i get it.


Well, I guess I can't pull the wool over your eyes! LOL.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds like she was fishing to me. I think I’d go into detective mode. What she said was way fishy sounding to me.

The stupidest thing imaginable would be to ask her about it. You could pay some hunky young guy to bait her up, but that is kinda rough to me. This sounds like a hard one to catch without setting her up.

Why are you worried OP? I suspect there’s
History you aren’t telling. 99.9%of the time, the gut feeling us spot on. Why? I think it’s because the subconscious is collecting not consciously gathered data and trying to warn the conscious mind. Regardless, the old gut feeling is pretty accurate.

Also, your wife is 50. How old are you?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you worried OP? I suspect there’s
> History you aren’t telling. 99.9%of the time, the gut feeling us spot on. Why?


This is an excellent point.

In a normal, healthy, undamaged relationship, this discovery wouldn’t have set off an alarm at all. Sure it’s odd, but it’s insignificant if the rest of your world is rosy. You’re suspicious for a reason OP. What’s the backstory here?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

She probably enjoyed the attention of a younger man. Cheating? I don't think so. The email is not an email of a cheating person, more of an infatuated person.


----------



## Arkansas (Jan 30, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> She probably enjoyed the attention of a younger man. Cheating? I don't think so. The email is not an email of a cheating person, more of an infatuated person.


enjoying attention and infatuation of someone 20 years younger leads to this, leads to that, and before you know it she's banging a kid, marriage destroyed, his family hates it, her family hates it but she'll claim its a beautiful/wonderful/magical/once in a lifetime thing

it happens, often, as crazy/illogical/unreasonable as it might be

Satan loves, loves, LOVES situations like she's in to work with


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

so_sweet said:


> \
> 
> Well, my sister was purposely overdoing it. My hips sway naturally when I walk. I think all or most women's hips sway naturally when they walk? I don't think it's something that's learned, but maybe I'm wrong.


No. It's not learned. It's a natural movement as a woman walks due to the various differences from a male pelvis.

A woman's pelvic bone is wider and shorter (to accommodate reproductive organs/pregnancy). 
As a result of the wider pelvis, there are differences in the structure of the hip joint such as greater acetabular anteversion and greater Q-angle; Which causes the hip to rotate and moves up and swings out as the female walks, causing the sway. There are other smaller differences, but definitely that's the gig of it.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

so_sweet said:


> \
> 
> Well, my sister was purposely overdoing it. My hips sway naturally when I walk. I think all or most women's hips sway naturally when they walk? I don't think it's something that's learned, but maybe I'm wrong.


Some women have it naturally perfect. Some have it perfect and know how to swing it better even. All women have tried it and most are successful. Love it.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Arkansas said:


> enjoying attention and infatuation of someone 20 years younger leads to this, leads to that, and before you know it she's banging a kid, marriage destroyed, his family hates it, her family hates it but she'll claim its a beautiful/wonderful/magical/once in a lifetime thing
> 
> it happens, often, as crazy/illogical/unreasonable as it might be
> 
> Satan loves, loves, LOVES situations like she's in to work with


Possibly... I know what happened to you... I took part in your thread... still, to me it's an infatuation. That said, it can easily turn into something else, I agree.


----------



## Arkansas (Jan 30, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> Possibly... I know what happened to you... I took part in your thread... still, to me it's an infatuation. That said, it can easily turn into something else, I agree.


anytime a person is doing something they're hiding from everyone - its not a good thing they're doing

find out is my advice - better to know now than later. Better to be paranoid and wrong than to be blindsided


----------



## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> No. It's not learned. It's a natural movement as a woman walks due to the various differences from a male pelvis.
> 
> A woman's pelvic bone is wider and shorter (to accommodate reproductive organs/pregnancy).
> As a result of the wider pelvis, there are differences in the structure of the hip joint such as greater acetabular anteversion and greater Q-angle; Which causes the hip to rotate and moves up and swings out as the female walks, causing the sway. There are other smaller differences, but definitely that's the gig of it.


Apparently there is also solid evidence that a woman's hips swing more when she is at the most fertile part of her cycle.


----------

