# advice please



## Kristina1 (Dec 4, 2009)

HEy I just got a question for the moms that arent together with the dads of their kids anymore. If you were remarried and your husband didnt feel comfortable with baby daddy coming over to see his kid would you respect those boundaries or allow it to happen anyway. And this is when the baby is 2 in half not a newborn. MY husband has a 2 in half yr old with his X who he was very sneaky with for along time ( she ended up emailing me that they were still hooking up) I confronted him and he denied...this was about a year ago. Now were married and about to have a baby. Him and her werent getting along for alittle becus she started to be very spiteful once we got married 4 months ago. Well now they are getting along again and she told him he can come visit their son the other day at her house... he had alittle fever. So i told him I was not comfortable with him going to her house and feel that it crosses boundaries and he should respect my feelings. I feel there are boundaries in seperated families esp when ur remarried. Its not just about him anymore. What do you all think? The outcome of the hole fight he left anyway (thursday night) and hasnt come back home. Think he's staying at his moms house. I dont even know because he doesnt call or anything. This is his answer to everything... run and ignore.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Hey I know where you're coming from. I was just in this situation a little while ago. But the thing is is that is his child. And again I know its hard, esp. knowing that at one time they were "together". But after my separation I went to a counselor and spoke about these issues. My H had not one but three other woman with whom he had kids with but I only knew about the one.

The counselor explained that I knew about the one child, so in a sense no you have no right to give him grief when he wants to see his child, you knew about that child, and the other mother before he married you. So its on you.

However yes boundaries are needed but the thing is if you feel so compelled to place boundaries on him could it be that you don't trust him? And trust me! it just all ends in pain if you don;t. The fights continue and get worse bc a marriage without trust isn't a marriage.

Now I'm on the opposite end and I'll tell you what if my husband ever gets remarried and I find out that his new wife is keeping him from seeing my kids, oh I would be mad as hell.

I've been in your shoes, its hard, but you knew about it before you got married. However if you feel that there is something more going on with his ex, than yes you have a right to ask questions, and if he is being shady about it? Then I think that thats your ticket to move on.


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