# MIL problems!



## baddad (Jul 20, 2009)

I've been married to my wife for 7yrs and we have a 2yr old son. For the most part it has been a good marriage and she has been a good wife. Our problem is her mom is controlling and my wife will not oppose her.

When our son was born, MIL decided for the wife to quit her job and raise HER grandson and she would pay our house payment. I did not like this and opposed it but I did not get a vote! Now my wife is a stay at home mom, she does cook for me but she very rarely cleans the house and most of her time is spent on facebook or playing computer games. She does very little! When she gets tired, she gets mean to our son. MIL has actually complained to her about her temper with our son and when I agree with MIL, she procedes to tell me it is MY fault because I don't do enough! This simply is not true! Their opinion is I work my job(8-12hrs/day) than I come home and take over completely for my wife. If she was doing her share, I wouldn't have a problem with this.

Also, with the money situation. Since I am the only one working, if I want to purchase something," we don't have the money". However, if she wants something, Mom buys it for her. She has no incentive to improve our financial status. Wife told me she wasn't worried about HER finances because her mom would always see to it that she and my son would have a home.

I truely believe the inlaws are phasing me out because they know if we divorce they will have their grandson with them 24/7!

Right now I know that my wife is willing to sacrafice our marriage to do what her mom wants! My wife has had everthing given to her and she does not know how to give back. In 7yrs, she has not said that she loved me 10 times (no lie) without me saying it first and even than she mostly wont respond to it.

What do I do? How do I deal with the MIL? I have tried to move us away but the wife said I would be going by myself!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

ah, you know what to do! Dump her, get the kid and screw the in laws!

Gee, my nose is twitching.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Maybe you should try to get to know in laws and explain your feelings to them


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

So the in-laws are a problem, that is obvious.

And you said wifey doesn't do too much around the house.

What's the rest of your relationship like? Talk alot? Have fun together? Good Sex life? etc. etc. etc.


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## baddad (Jul 20, 2009)

I have tried to express my feelings but I get ignored! At the point I stand my ground, they say I am just jealous of them because my family is "poor".

The relationship with my wife outside of these episodes ranges from OK to very good. I do believe that she loves me but the way she was raised, she does not know how to show it. She has always been on the recieving end.

We don't talk alot about our problems because she will not express her feelings to me and if I express my feelings they blame my mom because "she is jealous". My parents have never tried to influence my family's decisions!

We don't have as much fun as what we should. When I want us to do something, she says we don't have the money to. But we have the money to go on her parents vacations. She uses money as a control mechanism!

As far as the sex life, it is good but could be alot better. She will never instigate any sexual contact. I do suspect that she was sexually abused!

I need her to show me more affection!! I am at the point that I am tired of trying. 

Thanks for the input!!


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Just because she doesnt initiate does not mean she was abused. Women (especially married ones) seem to rarely initiate it. Hehe talking about it is like beating a dead horse at this point.




John


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## baddad (Jul 20, 2009)

There are other factors that make me think that she may have been abused.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Has your wife always been like this? doing whatever her mom says?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

baddad said:


> I have tried to express my feelings but I get ignored! At the point I stand my ground, they say I am just jealous of them because my family is "poor".
> 
> The relationship with my wife outside of these episodes ranges from OK to very good. I do believe that she loves me but the way she was raised, she does not know how to show it. She has always been on the recieving end.
> 
> ...


Then you need to have good boundries with them as well as cooperation from your wife.
Some people use money to control others and some are easily controlled by it....
seems you need to re-think your game plan with your wife and in-laws as to make this situation work for you.
I admit your in a tough situation because your wife is being bribed, but its sure workable, all you have to do is re-think this and make it work for you.


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## humangirl (Jul 16, 2009)

Sounds like MIL didn't let her daughter grow up. I think it's nice of her to help out but what happens when MIL passes away. Your wife is going to have one rude awakening when she has to deal with everything on her own. A marriage is supposed to be 2 people not three.


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## Sixgunner (Mar 5, 2008)

Be a man, stand up to your wife and in laws, but be ready to accept the consequences.


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## SociopathicInLaws (Jul 25, 2009)

Sticky situation. While reading a book this realization it hit me like a ton of bricks! You CANNOT control anyone's actions, attitude, mindset, upbringing, etc... EXCEPT your OWN!

You can't control your wifes feelings. You need to find a way to change your own thoughts, actions, etc.. only then will that "rub off" on others that see this change! Try it! It works wonders.

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Visit my blog at My MIS-Adventures with my SOCIOPATH In-Laws.


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