# Inappropriate social media photos?



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

Looking for both men's and women's perspectives on this topic. My wife and I have extremely opposite views on what is appropriate to post on social media (FB).

She sees no issue with posting what I think are very revealing photos because they are appropriate for the setting. Example: Full body shot in a tiny bikini if at a beach or at the pool with all but the few inches of her body that are covered on display for the whole world to see. 

Her response when I say I don't think it's entirely appropriate for FB is that she's at the beach and everyone wears a swimsuit at the beach. While I agree completely, I don't think all of her coworkers, my coworkers and family, etc. need to see every bit of her almost naked body. I have no problem with her wearing a bikini- and appreciate that she looks great in it in her mid 40's- but I just think a little modesty when it comes to revealing clothes or swimwear is not too much to ask when it comes to social media. 

I don't ever want to come across as jealous or controlling because that's not it at all- and I would not tell her what to do or wear- I just am more conservative when it comes to public appearance. I know from a guys perspective that if I routinely saw a female coworkers pictures like that on FB that I would view her differently- and I know how most every guy in the office would talk about her- and I respect my wife more than that. Her philosophy is: if they want to look then look- who cares- they're never going to get it- and that it's totally harmless. I love confidence, but I wish there was a little more modesty in certain situations.

Help! Thoughts? Thanks!


----------



## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

_I know from a guys perspective that if I routinely saw a female coworkers pictures like that on FB that I would view her differently- and I know how most every guy in the office would talk about her-_

That says more about you and your co workers than the woman wearing a bikni at the beach or pool (the horror). Why would you think that makes them any less of a co worker or the job they do in your eyes cause of these pics? 

That being said if this is something that bothers you i would def talk with your wife about this and why it bothers you. Maybe if she sees it from another angle as opposed to controlling than you guys can get that worked out.

But my advice as long as she is not posting anything that would seem inappropiate (and what you have mentioned its not) i would say be proud man you got a wife that is looking good.


----------



## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I think it's perfectly fine for her to post bathing suit pics of her at the beach. Kudos to her for still looking good in a bikini at her age. That's something to be damn proud of. If she feels comfortable doing this you should let her and support her. Good for her!


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Lila said:


> She's dressed appropriately for the venue she's visiting....the beach....and she wanted to share her experience with her friends on facebook. Why are you more worried about what other's think of you, than on being true to yourself and genuine. Are you embarrassed that your wife could care less about being part of the in-crowd?
> 
> Stop worrying about what other people think of you. To quote Dr. Seuss "_Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind._".



To me, it's a legitimate question to ask. My wife also has similar photos on her FB page (though all of them with her in a bikini include either myself or the kids, or all of us). And it's not like she's posing seductively or anything.

From my POV, I understand where OP is coming from. There are plenty of "likes" of these photos from men who are co-workers/friends. Which makes me uncomfortable. As it should. I imagine (though I AM projecting here) that she has likely received comments from said co-workers next time they see her at work. "Nice bikini!" etc. That's her prerogative, of course, not mine, however not very many men are totally comfortable with having other men view their wives as such. Or wives. Is it jealousy? A little bit. But it's more than that. It's wanting other people to respect our SO's and see them in a non-objectified light. Unless you're into that, in which case, knock yourself out.

Furthermore, and this has been posted about on TAM before, Facebook is generally not the place to befriend your co-workers, unless they're actually good friends outside of work as well. The reality is that most people who accept or send friend requests to/from co-workers on Facebook are merely that - co-workers. Just because you chit-chat with Joe from accounting or occasionally have a butt with Jane doesn't mean you should be opening up your personal life and photos and likes and dislikes and hobbies and musical tastes, and all of that to them.

I've mentioned this to my wife before, as in "You don't see most of these people outside of work. Why are you friends on Facebook?" And further, when Joe Blow has "liked" a photo of my wife (whether in a bikini or a nice dress, or any other generally "good" photo of her), I ask her who that is. I even find that I have to catch MYSELF from time to time, "liking" a photo of one of my female Facebook friends (all of whom are married, by the way, no single women on mine) as I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea - as in "that Mike guy seems to only like or comment on attractive photos of you..."

Facebook is tricky that way, and often people don't think twice about posting this or that, as they can't see any possible repercussions from it. Adding co-workers to the Facebook mix is even worse, imo. I may like my co-workers Joe or Jane from accounting and enjoy shooting the s*** with them at break or lunch time, and I may even hang out with them at out-of-work functions, but do I really want or need them to see my vacation photos, or my cousin's wedding, or pictures of my dogs? If somebody is in my life in a work-related-only capacity, then they are acquaintances, not friends. You spend time with friends, and do things with friends, and share things with friends, and have them over to your house for a bbq. Their husbands and wives are invited along. Those are the people who you should be comfortable sharing all this information and photos with, and vice versa.

At work, Joe Blow from accounting is a work buddy, and acquaintance. He doesn't need to see me, or my wife, or my kids on a beach in our bathing suits. (or photos of me drunk and passed out on New Years!)


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I say get back at her, post pics on Facebook of you in a thong 

On a serious note, I wouldn't have an issue with if my wife did so as long as she understands (and this goes for anything posted online) that once you post something it is out there indefinitely. 

I also personally would keep co workers out of your facebook group. Or I do know people who set up two facebook groups (so the coworkers could be friends with the second account so you can have more control over what they see)


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

She likes the attention


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Tom44 said:


> Looking for both men's and women's perspectives on this topic. My wife and I have extremely opposite views on what is appropriate to post on social media (FB).
> 
> She sees no issue with posting what I think are very revealing photos because they are appropriate for the setting. Example: Full body shot in a tiny bikini if at a beach or at the pool with all but the few inches of her body that are covered on display for the whole world to see.
> 
> ...


Maybe she could create a Friend group on her FB page for "Close Friends". Only put close friends in that group and non of the coworkers or family members you worry about. Then when she posts the photo make the post to that Close Friends group, that way the post is only visible to those that you want to see it.
Obviously anything that goes on the internet is pretty well public but it won't appear in their FB feeds automatically.

HTH


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I'm OK with people posting any pictures of themselves that they want on FB, as long as they really understand that anything they post can be seen by anyone. The security settings are almost useless.

I could see private messages with pictures being a problem, but a post the the whole world is just harmless exhibitionism.


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

Thank you all for the responses so far- definitely helps. I think Alexm said it better than I did. My issue is more with the not real "friends" that we both have. I'm FB friends with people I manage and it does make me uncomfortable knowing they've all seen that much of my wife's body. I don't think she's doing anything wrong- it's just a comfort level and modesty thing. She has pics of her and a girlfriend in sexy bikinis holding up beers by the pool - and there are strings of comments from guys (including several of her ex's) saying "nice cans" - I love seeing you holding your cans, etc. 

All of this is fun and completely normal in the moment- my issue is the public nature of it. Maybe it is jealousy- but I just feel like it's more being uncomfortable knowing how many people have seen that much of her body. I was raised very modest and conservative in appearance and am introverted- she does like attention and is an extreme extrovert.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Tom44 said:


> Thank you all for the responses so far- definitely helps. I think Alexm said it better than I did. My issue is more with the not real "friends" that we both have. I'm FB friends with people I manage and it does make me uncomfortable knowing they've all seen that much of my wife's body. I don't think she's doing anything wrong- it's just a comfort level and modesty thing. She has pics of her and a girlfriend in sexy bikinis holding up beers by the pool - and there are *strings of comments from guys (including several of her ex's) saying "nice cans" - I love seeing you holding your cans, etc. *
> 
> All of this is fun and completely normal in the moment- my issue is the public nature of it. Maybe it is jealousy- but I just feel like it's more being uncomfortable knowing how many people have seen that much of her body. I was raised very modest and conservative in appearance and am introverted- she does like attention and is an extreme extrovert.


Yeah, nothing to see here. No ones ever had an issue with FB in any other TAM sections. (sarc)

While the appropriateness of a bikini in pool/beach setting can be thrown up as a stawman the bolded comments are out of line. If these "appropriate" pictures are generating this kind of response, from ex's no less, then I believe a discussion about boundaries is in order. 

~ Passio


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

You wear a bikini to the beach and people at the beach expect to see swim wear. Memorializing the event on FB brings your bikini into the workplace the classroom, the grocery store and your neighbor's house. When she has groups set up to limit access to her best girlfriends then OK. "several of her ex's" no no no......


----------



## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Not a good idea IMHO. I put up a pic of me shirtless in a kilt that drew the initial attention of the woman who became an EA to me. I also found out through the grapevine that several female employees here at work that I friended "shared" my pic amongst a few more female members here at work and I was the subject of "discussion" among them.

Needless to say, I have deactivated my account and have not been back in over 4 months.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

intheory said:


> This is one of the times that I feel like a moral dinosaur.
> 
> I don't think a married person should post racy pictures of themselves anywhere. If she's wearing a super-skimpy bikini, I agree: not too much between that and nakedness. There's a reason Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is so popular.
> 
> ...


Not a moral dinosaur...I agree with you Intheory.. My Husband would as well..skimpy bathing suit -coupled with the HOT body... will get LOTS of attention... oh Yeah!

One of our sons college room mates removed himself from FB because he was getting carried away ...well.. skimpy bathing suit pics of some of the girls he was counseling.. and that was a NO NO.. as he was a christian, he was convicted... it can be some real EYE candy.. I didn't think badly of him telling me this-it was me that asked, he was just being honest.. 

The point is.. people are LOOKING... drooling some of them...

I put many pics on FB.. I love people photography & I love to share... some probably think I am seeking attention.. (though I hope I am not looked upon in this light)... I have paused putting shots of all of us on the beach.. but I DID.. only because my swim suit is this type with some skirt...







...that's as far as I would go at my age.. ..

It really doesn't bother me what others DO...it's great we have this freedom of expression.... however I will get on my daughter if she would get carried away here.. because it can send the wrong message.. so I feel.. 

I want our daughter to find the type of guy who would frown on it - frankly.. that the HOT bod gets saved for HIS EYES ONLY....so yeah.. she better listen to Mom!


----------



## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

You need to clamp down on this issue.

40 yrs old and posting Bikini pics on Facebook and married- No way. There is a time and place for this. 20 and single..ok. When a woman hits 40, she should dress in more mature way. Do you have kids?

How is your wife Generally, was she always this free and liberal or was she the more conservative type? Is this a new thing, or was she always like this.

This is an issue of respect. The world can now see her and she's flaunting this behavior. Men are making comments about her breast. That alone should be an issue of shutting it down.

A wife should respect her husband and vice versa. It would be one thing if you didn't mind. But this makes you uncomfortable. Now she disregards your position. Now its up you to bring consequences on this type of behavior. If you remain passive, she'll steamroll you. You have to let her know sternly this is not acceptable.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Also have to chime in to think its a bit much for Facebook. While I don't mind my Gf in a bikini, tasteful, at the beach on Facebook with all my relatives, work colleagues, business associates not so much. Time and a place I think


----------



## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

Friends and family, fine. 

Ex's, WTF, no way......they shouldn't even be FB friends.

Work colleagues, does she think people from work will take her seriously after they see this type of thing? The first thing people who interact with her at work will think is "hey bikini bimbo made the meeting". I see crap like this and how people dress at work.....it angers me how unprofessional America has become.

IMO your wife is way past the boundaries of appropriateness. Ex's cat-calling bikini photo's? You have big problems in your marriage you need to address.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

intheory said:


> And you know, does anyone have to go any further than this at any age?
> 
> Is there any doubt that the woman in that picture is beautiful and has a great body. And the really intimate parts of her anatomy are fully covered. She's sexy and has dignity.


I hear you and understand your point. But you can be sexy and have dignity in a bikini as well. In Europe, you can be naked and sexy and have dignity and only creepy Americans will try to sneak pictures of you and create the type of atmosphere that causes people to feel the need to cover up.

In the end, they are just bodies, we all have one, we are all naked under our clothes. If we all walked around topless everywhere (as with some tribal people), no one would be gawking at our boobs all the time, the same way we don't gawk at a man's chest when he is topless.

But I don't want you to think I don't get your point, I really do, and am not shaming you or trying to change your mind...there is nothing wrong with your position.

But there's nothing wrong with mine either.

As for beaches, I love bikinis and will wear one as long as I look good in it.

As for FB, no way I would put a bikini pic on there because as the OP is saying, unless your hubby is your only friend on there, then what is the point other than "hey, look at me in a bikini?" 

I have shown myself off in a bikini plenty of times, when I was single, and showing it off was exactly what it was. It was fun. I enjoyed it. Not on FB, I'm talking actual photographs shown to specific people when I wanted to do so. I look damn good and have no issue with showing certain people (not saying they were all guys). But at the same time, I do think it is important to understand your own motivations and reasons. I understood my motivations were "HEY LOOK AT ME!" I'm a showgirl at heart and have no issues being seen in that light. But a lot of girls don't really realize they are just seeking attention (or they are in denial about it) and this does cause problems.

In this marriage...my husband definitely does not want bikini pics of me shown to anyone, and I've never shown or posted anything like that to anyone except a couple of close girlfriends. However, being on a beach WITH me in a hot bikini is fun for him. And there are hundreds of other hotter younger women on the same beaches. Do I care? No, I like looking at them, too.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I hear you and understand your point. But you can be sexy and have dignity in a bikini as well. In Europe, you can be naked and sexy and have dignity and only creepy Americans will try to sneak pictures of you and create the type of atmosphere that causes people to feel the need to cover up.
> 
> In the end, they are just bodies, we all have one, we are all naked under our clothes. If we all walked around topless everywhere (as with some tribal people), no one would be gawking at our boobs all the time, *the same way we don't gawk at a man's chest when he is topless*.
> 
> ...


Yeah, women don't gawk at topless men


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Yeah, women don't gawk at topless men


Not the average man, no we don't. And even the hot ones, we don't gawk in the same manner that we would gawk at exposed breasts. C'mon, you knew what I meant.


----------



## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

Fitnessfan said:


> Reading about the inappropriate comments from ex's and so forth makes me rethink this situation. However, can't she just unfriend those people who are acting disrespectful? *How immature can you be to post "nice cans" to a married woman?* WTF is wrong with people?


I'm not saying the comments are appropriate, but what type of comments was a "married woman" hoping for when she posted a pic with beer and a tiny bikini?:scratchhead:
I'm just asking because I am sure she was not expecting comments about how blue the swimming pool looks.

On the comments from the ex's, I feel its inappropriate for an ex to comment on her photos full stop.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

intheory said:


> And you know, does anyone have to go any further than this at any age?
> 
> Is there any doubt that the woman in that picture is beautiful and has a great body. And the really intimate parts of her anatomy are fully covered. She's sexy and has dignity.
> 
> But I know we're out of step with the rest of the world on this one, SimplyAmorous.


I don't disagree with you, but I'm thinking most of the Europeans on TAM are laughing at this behind their computer screens! 

Nudity is fairly commonplace in much of Europe, especially on beaches. Although it's still sexualized, it doesn't generate the same TYPE of sexualization as it does over here in North America. People still look, but nobody gets offended. Europeans just don't see it in the same puritanical way we do.

And honestly, I think they have the right mindset about it. We all have breasts or penises, butts and vaginas. Because we were told to cover up and only save these body parts for private use (ie. going to the washroom or sex) they've taken on this mystique of inappropriateness.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> I don't disagree with you, but I'm thinking most of the Europeans on TAM are laughing at this behind their computer screens!
> 
> Nudity is fairly commonplace in much of Europe, especially on beaches. Although it's still sexualized, it doesn't generate the same TYPE of sexualization as it does over here in North America. People still look, but nobody gets offended. Europeans just don't see it in the same puritanical way we do.
> 
> And honestly, I think they have the right mindset about it. We all have breasts or penises, butts and vaginas. Because we were told to cover up and only save these body parts for private use (ie. going to the washroom or sex) they've taken on this mystique of inappropriateness.


And this is why when we see a topless man on a beach, we are accustomed to it and think nothing of it. We don't gawk at it.

If men were literally forbidden to remove their shirts at all, and it was actually illegal for them to do so in most cases, we WOULD gawk at any man who dared to take his shirt off in public. Not because his chest was or wasn't anything special, that part wouldn't matter. It would be because we are not conditioned to seeing men topless and we would be all aghast about it.

Us silly Muricans.

So the opposite applies to topless women. If we weren't conditioned to have to cover up our breasts everywhere and at all times, if instead it was normal and natural to go to the beach naked, even us Muricans wouldn't gawk, even if the ta tas were particularly excellent. It would simply be no big deal.

It is all societal conditioning.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The point is.. people are LOOKING... drooling some of them...


Not only that, but it takes one click to save a picture off the internet. And you better believe some people do. (mountainrunner just alluded to the fact that it happened to him).

I don't want to think about the possibility that some greasy dude has a picture of my wife saved on his computer for... personal use... ugh.

Not to mention the fact that there are websites (like Reddit) where people post pictures like this so others can see their boss, secretary, ef-gf/bf, mother-in-law, etc etc etc. in bikinis, nude, or compromising positions. How do I know this? I have a teenage step-son and I monitor his internet viewing...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

In this day and age when we're all just a click away from seeing literally millions of naked people, why would people bother to have to go see someone's secretary?

Ugh. So stupid.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> If we weren't conditioned to have to cover up our breasts everywhere and at all times, if instead it was normal and natural to go to the beach naked, even us Muricans wouldn't gawk, even if the ta tas were particularly excellent. It would simply be no big deal.
> 
> It is all societal conditioning.


Disagree with that last part. Europeans still like boobies! They're just much more used to seeing them, is all. And they also have places they can go to gawk at them, as it's still not socially acceptable to walk around in public areas topless.

While the gist of what you're saying is correct - conditioning - whether you actually see breasts more often than other cultures doesn't necessarily mean they've become de-sexualized.

Now even on European beaches where full nudity is acceptable and normal, there are still expectations of a certain sort of modesty. For example, it is not acceptable for a man to walk around with a full blown hard on, or for a woman to sunbathe with her legs 5 feet apart. Nor are any sexual acts acceptable in public, in full view of men, women and children.

So despite the ability to SEE breasts and (flaccid) penises, and vaginas which are not spread open for the world to see, there is still an element of "there's more to see here!" for everybody. Which is the conditioning you are speaking of, and the same as it is here.

When you get right down to it, many women tend to dress in ways that don't leave a whole to the imagination, and - even better - probably make their bodies even more desirable. My ex wife had push-up, padded bras and wore low-cut shirts, and her breasts looked fantastic - when she was clothed. Take everything off, and they were "hangers" and had loose skin (she lost a fair amount of weight, so anything less than surgery or push-up bras couldn't help). Talk about a bait and switch for any dude who thought he was going to get "porn boobs".


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The gawking is conditioned, not the enjoying of the breasts.


----------



## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> In this day and age when we're all just a click away from seeing literally millions of naked people, why would people bother to have to go see someone's secretary?
> 
> Ugh. So stupid.


It's not about seeing a naked pic. IMO people will check out the pic because its someone they know. If she's your boss will you still look at her the same way?


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

Thank you all again- this is extremely helpful and these are the debates I have in my head. 

To clarify/answer a few things so I'm not making her sound terrible. All of the jokes/comments about "nice cans" were while they were holding 24 oz beer cans- but it was the obvious play on words because they were holding them in front of their cleavage.

I really believe this is a boundary issue- and it's just not something she sees that way. She says stuff like: It's just a body, a bathing suit isn't sexual, I'm wearing what everyone else wears, there's no nudity, etc. She truly doesn't think other people look in any way (clearly she doesn't understand men's minds) and if some do look she just doesn't care. 

Yes, she has three teenage daughters - and has no issues posting the same types of pics of them. While they're young and single (obviously) - she doesn't think anyone would look at them sexually which is very naive. The 14 and 16 year olds look like they're in their 20's - and she has pics on FB that she asked some stranger on a beach to take of the 3 of they laying out in push up bikinis that make it look like they all have DD's. I worry that they think nothing of exposing themselves either- even if they are teenagers. The wife also has pics where her and her friends are pulling their tank tops up to show their new belly piercings where you can see that, her bra, etc.

Yes, she's always been like this as far as I know- she was a party girl- and while she no says she's happily settled down with the love of her life- she still has the party girl past on FB - and still keeps posting the revealing pics- even if the content is mostly tame.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Lila said:


> She's dressed appropriately for the venue she's visiting....the beach....and she wanted to share her experience with her friends on facebook.


 Although "She's dressed appropriately for the venue she's visiting....the beach", she is not dressed appropriately for the venue of the people viewing the photos on facebook.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Tom44 said:


> Yes, she's always been like this as far as I know- she was a party girl


 If you knowingly married a "party girl", why are so surprised that she acts like a party girl?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ntsikzo said:


> It's not about seeing a naked pic. IMO people will check out the pic because its someone they know. If she's your boss will you still look at her the same way?


But if they are posted on reddit, people other than her boss or her employee or her co-worker are looking. Those are the people I'm saying "wtf, why? when there are millions of other naked bodies to look at..." :scratchhead:


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

Just to clarify- I didn't marry a party girl- I stated that poorly. She had some years of that after her divorce but was past it all and ready to settle down and be with me. I do tend to go back to that in my mind though with some of these picture issues. 

To me- she's a respectful loving and loyal wife, but when she posts what to her are harmless pics on the beach- I worry about people's perception, etc and all of the other issues brought up. I don't hold her past against her- and love her for who she is now.


----------



## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> But if they are posted on reddit, people other than her boss or her employee or her co-worker are looking. Those are the people I'm saying "wtf, why? when there are millions of other naked bodies to look at..." :scratchhead:


I get your point:iagree:


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> But if they are posted on reddit, people other than her boss or her employee or her co-worker are looking. Those are the people I'm saying "wtf, why? when there are millions of other naked bodies to look at..." :scratchhead:


 Because some guys always feel that they have a chance with a woman that they actually know, even if that woman is married. She may not be the very hottest girl that he has ever seen, but she is one of the hottest ones that will actually talk to him.


----------



## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Tom44 said:


> She truly doesn't think other people look in any way (clearly she doesn't understand men's minds) and if some do look she just doesn't care.
> 
> she doesn't think anyone would look at them sexually which is very naive.


If you believe that she doesn't know exactly the type of male attention she and her daughters are attracting, you are being very naive.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TRy said:


> Because some guys always feel that they have a chance with a woman that they actually know, even if that woman is married. She may not be the very hottest girl that he has ever seen, but she is one of the hottest ones that will actually talk to him.


I'm talking about the people who don't actually know the person in the photo.


----------



## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

TRy said:


> If you knowingly married a "party girl", why are so surprised that she acts like a party girl?


This is actually a good question. One could always say that you knew who she was when you married her and now you are trying to change her.

What does seem to be a problem OP is when you say you wife likes to exhibit your daughters too.
that I would definitely fight against.


----------



## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

I think she should post pics of herself in a skimpy bikini on facebook...

What is her name? I'd like to friend her and look at them!...

Just kidding. If you are uncomfortable with them, she should take them down and refrain from doing it again.


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

I do believe she is that naive with a lot of it. I used to often question the things she would let her daughters wear out in public- and she genuinely said she didn't notice they were see through, or too low cut, too tight, etc because she just didn't look at them that way. I asked her a while back why she wore thin almost sheer shirts with a bright white bra to work - or tight low cut shirts- and I really believe she somehow didn't realize they were see through or work inappropriate. I don't know how she doesn't realize some of this basic stuff- but if I point it out and she realizes it she will address it- but she doesn't see the issue with the FB pics- which is why I posted this in the first place.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

They are your daughters too, or your step-daughters?

How did you and your wife meet?


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

Step daughters which is why I stay out of that stuff. Honestly they don't dress much different than many other girls I see at school events- but they're definitely on the more revealing end. If it was dramatically bad I'd speak up- but she's their mom- and a woman- so it doesn't seem like my place. I try to explain how clothes and dressing provocatively effects men's perceptions- but I usually leave it at that. She doesn't agree or believe me. Clothes are just clothes- underwear can be outerwear- other people's opinions don't matter. We met decades ago and were friends for a long time while we were both married. Eventually we both ended up divorced- living in the same area- and the friendship quickly became more.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Some women really are that naive, even though they enjoy the attention. And other women really just don't give a flip if men sexualize them and it doesn't give them the type of rush men think it does. I don't know if your wife is one of these or maybe a combo, but what you are saying describes a woman who doesn't care how she is perceived, for whatever reason. 

I've had lots of friends over the years who dressed in various levels of fun girl to SOOOPER fun (along with outer underwear and the like). I also have friends who are burlesque dancers and some of them wear costume type clothing because they actually live the lifestyle of that look. And when I was young I dressed however I could get away with...I had modesty in some very limited and personal ways (like I'd never actually pull my top off in New Orleans if I ever went there even if all my girlfriends would have) but to see how I dressed one would conclude I don't care of others perceive me as a ho.

I don't really dress like that anymore, but I don't regret that I used to. I was cute as a bug, young, and loving life. I wasn't hurting anyone. I am not ashamed of any of the pictures of myself during that time, but some of them certainly make me laugh! (Some of the crazy inappropriately cute dresses I would wear to work, ha ha!)

I knew when other women or men looked at me sideways. Some of them also looked me in the eye and said "I don't know how you are getting away with that, but you are." I always told them it was because I am secretly a Show Girl and my sparkles are always showing.

So I knew girls like me, and I knew girls who really were straight up dressed like hookers, because they LOVED doing it, and I knew girls like your wife who looked really hot and were like "what, this? oh whatever..." Usually those girls were cool, kind of hip, not actually trying to make men gag. They just can't help they are hot and want to play with cool clothes.

I hope all of that just helps give perspective in women wearing inappropriate clothes and the thought processes.


----------



## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Some women really are that naive, even though they enjoy the attention. And other women really just don't give a flip if men sexualize them and it doesn't give them the type of rush men think it does. I don't know if your wife is one of these or maybe a combo, but what you are saying describes a woman who doesn't care how she is perceived, for whatever reason.
> 
> I've had lots of friends over the years who dressed in various levels of fun girl to SOOOPER fun (along with outer underwear and the like). I also have friends who are burlesque dancers and some of them wear costume type clothing because they actually live the lifestyle of that look. And when I was young I dressed however I could get away with...I had modesty in some very limited and personal ways (like I'd never actually pull my top off in New Orleans if I ever went there even if all my girlfriends would have) but to see how I dressed one would conclude I don't care of others perceive me as a ho.
> 
> ...


When you are married with a family, the tables turn and perception does matter. Your entire post is from the days of being single. Way different and your spouse has an opinion that should matter. Food for thought.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No, I was married at the time.


----------



## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I would have to see said picture to give my honest opinion


----------



## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> No, I was married at the time.


And in that case it comes down to what you and your husband are comfortable with. 

I think FB is stupid personally and not OK to share my life with the world.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm 49 years old, in killer shape, and I would not post pics of myself in a bikini on FB.

1) I have a college age son. His grown male friends were kids whose DIAPERS I used to change! The whole "expose yourself on FB" concept is extremely creepy to me. The last thing I want is my SON's friends gawking at me. Yuck. I used to chase these kids around the baby pool when they were 2 years old .

2) I have professional male colleagues as FB friends. Again, the LAST thing I want is them knowing how I look underneath my clothes. Men gawk enough as it is when fully clothed  I don't need some creeper fantasizing about bikini shots of me or my daughter. 

Sorry FW, but how you dressed as a young lady isn't applicable to OP's 50ish MILF-wife 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

TRy said:


> Because some guys always feel that they have a chance with a woman that they actually know, even if that woman is married. She may not be the very hottest girl that he has ever seen, but she is one of the hottest ones that will actually talk to him.


Not to mention, that when one is already part of a social circle (small or wide) she has already been vetted to "okay" and / or "acceptable." Aka "social proofing."

I definitely noticed this in high school when hot guys would go to prom with so-so girls. They were just all part of the group.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Ntsikzo said:


> It's not about seeing a naked pic. IMO people will check out the pic because its someone they know. If she's your boss will you still look at her the same way?



That's the thing.

One of my wife's colleagues does competition level body building. She has a unique name and had the brilliant idea to pose many of those skimpy muscular bikini photos on FB... It does impact how others think.


----------



## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

Ntsikzo said:


> It's not about seeing a naked pic. IMO people will check out the pic because its someone they know. If she's your boss will you still look at her the same way?


Exactly! Once you lose your professionalism, the respect of your colleagues, you'll never get it back.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Their whole way of life is alien to me. I honestly don't relate. And, I'm sure that these folks have taboos. I doubt everything is okay. They are human beings and in order to hold their society together there has to be some kind of agreed upon sexual standards.


Even closer to home, there is the acceptance that hispanic women dress and behave in more alluring ways that mainstream women because they have more taboos and social habits /expectations that protect them.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Not the average man, no we don't. And even the hot ones, we don't gawk in the same manner that we would gawk at exposed breasts. C'mon, you knew what I meant.


I know what you meant, but not sure I agree entirely. Before my wife and I moved to our current house, we lived on a fairly busy street with lots of traffic. During the summer, when I would mow the lawn, if I was in my jeans and boots and no shirt on, I would regularly get comments from passing women. One in particular sticks out in my mind...a girl that looked to be about 15 or so rolled down her window and yelled "My mom thinks you're hot" and the presumed mom who was driving just smiled and shrugged and they drove off. The times I had a shirt on, no comments.

I think topless men, or at least some of them are looked at and appreciated sexually, just as women are, but the difference is that it is normal to see men, and with women, the gawking would be at least as much due to the simple shock factor of seeing a topless women, regardless of what she looked like.


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

intheory said:


> And you know, does anyone have to go any further than this at any age?
> 
> Is there any doubt that the woman in that picture is beautiful and has a great body. And the really intimate parts of her anatomy are fully covered. She's sexy and has dignity.
> 
> *But I know we're out of step with the rest of the world on this one, SimplyAmorous*.


Re bolded part. No you're not. But I think it's a very small minority. 

I am 29 years old and the only place I choose to wear a bikini is in our pool at home. And I don't wear one when we have people over. To me a bikini is no more than bra and panties (probably less in some cases) and I don't want anyone oogling me in bra and panties *or *a bikini. It doesn't matter whether it's at the beach or at the grocery store. 

Even if I did want to wear a bikini and post pictures of me in it, if it bothered my husband I wouldn't do it out of respect for him.


----------



## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

I think it is perfectly reasonable to set out your boundaries. Anybody who puts revealing photos up is either a) deliberately showing off for attention (nothing inherently wrong but often this masks sonething more worrying) or b) has a childs naivety that people won't react sexually to the naked adult human body.

Just a point on euro attitudes. There is more variation in europe than between the US and UK. Poland and Sweden as two examples separated by a bit of water. there is also very little european about the UK, culturally.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

jdawg2015 said:


> When you are married with a family, the tables turn and perception does matter. Your entire post is from the days of being single. Way different and your spouse has an opinion that should matter. Food for thought.


One's spouse has an opinion, and yes it should matter, but only to a certain point.

While I agree that posting semi-revealing photos on Facebook when you have co-workers who can view said photos is probably not the best thing to do, the actual posting of said photos is not really the issue, nor should it be.

Honestly, as a man, if I were completely comfortable with my body, I probably wouldn't think twice about taking my shirt off, or having photos on Facebook. As it is now, I am fine with my body as it is, however when I see photos of me on the beach or at the pool, I'm not too thrilled with how I look  I'm not the guy who mows the lawn shirtless, but I also don't think twice about doing so on a beach or at the pool, know what I mean? But we all know men and women who have the bodies to do so, and for the most part, I don't think they're doing so in order to get attention (most of the time).

I think it's actually a bit of a projection on behalf of many people. I would imagine that the majority of folks out there, whether they have "sexy" bodies or not, simply don't care about going shirtless on the beach or wearing a bikini or one-piece bathing suit. A small percentage will cover up and wear a tshirt or something even while swimming, and a small percentage will wear very revealing clothing because they like the attention. But the rest of us - the majority - don't think twice about wearing this or that to the beach, whether we look great or not.

The reality is that any woman who wears a bathing suit of any kind is automatically wearing more revealing clothes than they do on a day-to-day basis, whether it's a one-piece, a tankini, or a bikini. And any guy at the beach is probably shirtless, which is not how he goes around town at any other time. You can't escape wearing revealing clothing at the beach, period, man or woman. And the majority of people just don't think twice about it, which includes many people wearing bikinis or tight swim trunks or whatever. They're just at the beach, they're not on parade.

To me, this is about WHO can see these photos, NOT what the photos are of. OP's wife is wearing a bikini, on a beach, and she has the body and confidence to rock it. Honestly, good for her. That said, co-workers (subordinates or supervisors alike) probably shouldn't be seeing that side of her, as it DOES affect the perception of those who should be primarily seeing her in a professional light.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Sorry FW, but how you dressed as a young lady isn't applicable to OP's 50ish MILF-wife
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:scratchhead:

Not sure what you are getting at. I was explaining the thought process behind how some women dress...age doesn't really matter, SHE IS dressing that way now, so my explanation definitely DOES apply to her. Just because I dressed that way when younger and she still dresses that way now, doesn't mean my explanation isn't applicable. I was offering a glimpse into the mind of how women are thinking about it, sometimes they know they are drumming up male attention, sometimes they don't, sometimes they know but just don't care.

Did you just want to try to slap me for some reason? Because what you said to me doesn't even make sense.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I know what you meant, but not sure I agree entirely. Before my wife and I moved to our current house, we lived on a fairly busy street with lots of traffic. During the summer, when I would mow the lawn, if I was in my jeans and boots and no shirt on, I would regularly get comments from passing women. One in particular sticks out in my mind...a girl that looked to be about 15 or so rolled down her window and yelled "My mom thinks you're hot" and the presumed mom who was driving just smiled and shrugged and they drove off. The times I had a shirt on, no comments.
> 
> I think topless men, or at least some of them are looked at and appreciated sexually, just as women are, but the difference is that it is normal to see men, and with women, the gawking would be at least as much due to the simple shock factor of seeing a topless women, regardless of what she looked like.


Yes as I said, we aren't going to gawk at the average man. No one said YOU were average.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

intheory said:


> And I definitely notice nice chests (and everything else) *on men who have the type of body that I am attracted to.* I don't want to be disingenuous, FW, I know there is a difference in how men's chests are viewed in our society. But, it's actually very weird to me that this is the case. You _bet_ women notice and appreciate. Should men wear sleeveless tank tops to the beach? You know honestly; that's not a bad idea in my mind. Of course the point is moot; never gonna happen.
> 
> (snip)
> 
> ...


Men's chests...don't read too much into what I said to samyeager...if you think I'm saying I don't notice a man with a good chest you got it wrong. I said that women don't gawk at *the average man's chest*, where as men would gawk at the average woman's breasts if they were exposed here in the US. Yes, we do check out those nice guy chests every chance we get.

I hope you don't believe that by having a different opinion I"m "playing dumb"?

And I've arrived at my values by what I've gradually learned by experience as well. How else would any of us do so? I kind of sense that you are implying that the values you arrived at are "better" than those I did or others who might see it like I do.

To be clear here, all I ever said about my own values was that I do wear a bikini on beaches (now) and have no issue doing so. I never said I would also post pics of myself on the internet. I did things like that when I was younger (but not the internet, and only to specific people who were friends, not just handing them around).


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

TRy said:


> Although "She's dressed appropriately for the venue she's visiting....the beach", she is not dressed appropriately for the venue of the people viewing the photos on facebook.


I have to say i agree with this. My husband would not be happy either if i was posting pictures of myself dressed in just my bikini of me being at the beach on facebook, I respect that.

He would have no problem however of me parading around a beach wearing one.


----------



## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Howdy Tom44:*

I have given countless presentations on the use of social media to clients in my industry and to spare the details let me share _The Two Categorical Truisms of Social Media _which I always drive home in what otherwise is probably a dull and boring legal and compliance seminar.

*The Two Categorical Truisms of Social Media*

Truism Number One

It is IMPOSSIBLE to separate your personal and professional presence in social media. Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and so on, and so on – I don’t care. If you make a representation that your name is attached to, there is no algorithmic filter to come in and say “Hey, Sarah or Bill was off duty this doesn’t count.” It ALWAYS counts ALL THE TIME. FOREVER.

Truism Number Two

When you post or do ANYTHING in social media do so knowing that amongst others the following will see:


God,
Your mother, and 
The plaintiff’s lawyer that is fixin’ to sue your arse.

And do so knowing that someday YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, and YOUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN may be nominated to the Supreme Court of the United States . . . . and will have to explain what you have said or done to the Senate Judiciary Committee . . . . and it will be carried across the country on the evening news and TMZ.

At the end, I “wrap up” with a twist on everybody’s favorite Law & Order ending:


You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say or do CAN AND WILL be used against you in a court of law
or worse . . . . THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION.

_Miranda v. Arizona_, 384 U.S. 436 (1966).


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> *Howdy Tom44:*
> 
> I have given countless presentations on the use of social media to clients in my industry and to spare the details let me share _The Two Categorical Truisms of Social Media _which I always drive home in what otherwise is probably a dull and boring legal and compliance seminar.
> 
> ...


My step daughter was at a party a couple years ago when she was a junior in high school. She and a friend posed for a picture holding wine coolers. The pic was posted to Instagram and was up for a grand total of five minutes before it was taken down. In that time, someone got a screen capture of it, sent it to the school principal, and she was suspended from extracuriculars for two weeks...including her Spanish Club's week long trip to Spain. She's lucky she didn't lose her student council presidency.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Speedo on FB. No sir.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Dang. As a Murican I've been Puritan shamed again. Those Euros have it right and we're just a bunch of repressed "phobes". 

It's interesting when I see a whole continent lumped into one basket of Puritan or enlightened. Nudity may be more common in Europe, but you're fooling only yourself if you think men and women there don't eagerly anticipate the arrival of summer. Several colleagues from Spain, France and the UK have made comments about looking forward to their beach holidays. Seeing and being seen is not the uber mature event that gets portrayed in these arguments.

And just to throw some more cold water on the topic. There are a whole lot more of my European colleagues that do not go to nude beaches. Their reasons are the same as us Puritans in 'Murica, because they're modest, uncomfortable, have children, their faith etc...

~ Passio


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

SpinDaddy said:


> *Howdy Tom44:*
> 
> I have given countless presentations on the use of social media to clients in my industry and to spare the details let me share _The Two Categorical Truisms of Social Media _which I always drive home in what otherwise is probably a dull and boring legal and compliance seminar.
> 
> ...


Bravo! Consider this 'liked' a gazillion times. Excellent post.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Idyit said:


> Dang. As a Murican I've been Puritan shamed again. Those Euros have it right and we're just a bunch of repressed "phobes".
> 
> It's interesting when I see a whole continent lumped into one basket of Puritan or enlightened. Nudity may be more common in Europe, but you're fooling only yourself if you think men and women there don't eagerly anticipate the arrival of summer. Several colleagues from Spain, France and the UK have made comments about looking forward to their beach holidays. Seeing and being seen is not the uber mature event that gets portrayed in these arguments.
> 
> ...


I don't think anybody here said quite what you're saying, at least in those exact words.

However, the comparison is apt. In certain European countries (not all!) nudity is much more common and acceptable than it is anywhere in North America. And yes, many Europeans DO gawk at nude men and women, and DO specifically go to certain beaches in order to do so.

The difference is that the people who live in these countries do not have the same mentality about being gawked AT as we do over here, especially when they are fully nude and sunbathing on a beach. You're going to get looked at, or even gawked at, and it's to be expected, therefore it's not shocking or even disturbing to the one who is sunbathing nude. It's a very different mentality.

What I'm trying to say is that, for those folks who strip down nude on a beach where it is legal and acceptable, they are obviously and clearly comfortable with being nude and the likelihood is that you're going to get some looks (or that your wife is going to get some looks). There is FAR less body shame than we experience over here in NA (and to be fair, other countries and continents as well).

I was on vacation in the Caribbean a couple of years ago, and was on a boat excursion out to some island, and a good 1/2 of the people on this boat (probably about 40 or 50 or so) were Germans (or possibly Austrians or Swiss. German speaking, anyway). These people openly changed into and out of bathing suits in full view of everybody on the boat. Completely nude. Men, women and children. 5 years old, 15 years old, adults, senior citizens. All of them. I would like to unsee a lot of what I saw that day. (not all of it, just most!)

And THAT is the difference. No body shame, and a complete and utter non-issue.

The women that were younger (and legal age) who were changing and fully nude, I'm certain were very aware that other men were looking, or could look, but that didn't stop them. Whereas we NA's will only change like this when we're sure somebody can't see us, or behind a towel or something.


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

All of the responses / opinions / views / different angles on this are fascinating. Thank you!
It seemed like a simple question of how do other guys/husbands feel about those pictures- and what do women think about or consider when posting them- but this has gone far more in depth!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> I was on vacation in the Caribbean a couple of years ago, and was on a boat excursion out to some island, and a good 1/2 of the people on this boat (probably about 40 or 50 or so) were Germans (or possibly Austrians or Swiss. German speaking, anyway). These people openly changed into and out of bathing suits in full view of everybody on the boat. Completely nude. Men, women and children. 5 years old, 15 years old, adults, senior citizens. All of them. I would like to unsee a lot of what I saw that day. (not all of it, just most!)
> 
> And THAT is the difference. No body shame, and a complete and utter non-issue.


It kind of depends on where you live in NA. Where I'm at, there are a lot of hippies who are at ease with nudity and don't bother covering up at times. We also have some legally nude beaches. There are some places where people do change out in the open. We also have a number of nude optional co-ed spas and bath houses and natural hot springs. If you are out hiking, it isn't that unusual to see people skinny dipping.

Also during Pride Week, there's what they call the **** March and a lot of chicks go topless for that, because technically it is not illegal to be topless in our city and they are making a statement.

We also have the Naked Bike parade every year, like lots of cities do. In our city, people tend to take it to the extreme.

And we have the highest per capita number of strips clubs in the country.

Nudity is just more relaxed here than in other parts of the country.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

alexm said:


> I would like to unsee a lot of what I saw that day. (not all of it, just most!)


I get what you're saying Alex and FW. And agree that the level of comfort with nudity is different. 

Your story of the German tourists made me laugh Alex. It reminded me of a couple of incidents. In high school we would mostly go to New Smyrna. On a whim we went to Canaveral Ntl Seashore. If you head south there's an unofficial nude area. Our curiosity lead us there but we didn't stick around. What we were hoping for did not materialize and were wishing for the powers to un-see. 

The other was much like your German tourist incident only in the middle of the "vacation capital of the world". Three youngish females at the pool just dropped all their clothes and changed into bikinis. I sat 10 feet away a gob smacked 19 year old. Maybe a good illustration of the difference in culture. 

~ Passio


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Idyit said:


> Your story of the German tourists made me laugh Alex.


It makes us laugh to this day, and whenever we hear German, or a German accent, we smirk to each other!

FWIW, it didn't bother or shock us in the slightest. It was hilarious, from start to finish. As we are Canadian (and I don't want to start a war here!) I think we identify a little bit more with Central and Western European cultures and ways of thinking than we do with the US.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Her body, her facebook, her choice.


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

It is absolutely her body, Facebook and choice. However, I would encourage everyone, male and female, young and old, to be very, very careful with what they post on social media. As was mentioned earlier, there are legitimate business and legal concerns. I have also had friends have their photos lifted and used in fake accounts for scamming purpose.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...on/260674-dealing-truth-about-wifes-past.html

Tom, is this your other thread in the Considering Divorce section? The same woman who had group sex with a married man and his friends? Then portrayed it as a stable long-term relationship to allay your fears of moving too fast with her?!?

Yup, nothing to see here. It's her body, her Facebook and her choice. Sorry man but you've got way more problems than a bikini shot.

~ Passio


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

...oh dear....


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I work in the legal field. One of the things we do immediately upon submission of a resume is to scour social media, especially FB. I can't tell you how many were rejected out of hand merely due to FB.

Another thing to consider when posting for all the world to see, privacy settings be damned.


----------



## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Tom44 said:


> She truly doesn't think other people look in any way (clearly she doesn't understand men's minds) and if some do look she just doesn't care.


And so the natural and obvious solution to the problem of men's thoughts is to control the way women dress and behave....

...Because why exactly?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

always...of course you know, I agree with the absurdity of controlling women so men won't have certain thoughts (lame), but really you should read the OP's other thread.


----------



## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

These attention seeking facebook posts are usually a symptom of a much larger problem. Possible daddy issues and self esteem issues with a sexual rollercoaster of a past. Plus you say you have step daughters that it's being passed down to. Yikes!! I'm afraid for the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> I work in the legal field. One of the things we do immediately upon submission of a resume is to scour social media, especially FB. I can't tell you how many were rejected out of hand merely due to FB.
> 
> Another thing to consider when posting for all the world to see, privacy settings be damned.


Ditto!


----------



## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> always...of course you know, I agree with the absurdity of controlling women so men won't have certain thoughts (lame), but really you should read the OP's other thread.


Yes, I posted that before I realized there was another thread and so much more to the story.

I also absolutely agree with all the cautions about images on the web. Be aware.


----------



## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

Shoto1984 said:


> You wear a bikini to the beach and people at the beach expect to see swim wear. Memorializing the event on FB brings your bikini into the workplace the classroom, the grocery store and your neighbor's house. When she has groups set up to limit access to her best girlfriends then OK. "several of her ex's" no no no......


:iagree: There is a time and place for everything. 

The beach is a time and place for a bikini

FB is neither the time or place for bikini pictures even if they are at the beach because of where these pictures are viewed and who is or can view them. 

I am quite surprised by the answers that missed that concept or dismiss it as ridged, misguided or irrelevant taking a stance of personal freedom. 

And yes she likely enjoys the attention. 

That also says something about her if it is true


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

another shot said:


> :iagree: There is a time and place for everything.
> 
> The beach is a time and place for a bikini
> 
> ...


yes, especially since the woman in question here likes group sex. She's getting cheap advertising via Facebook.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> I work in the legal field. One of the things we do immediately upon submission of a resume is to scour social media, especially FB. I can't tell you how many were rejected out of hand merely due to FB.
> 
> Another thing to consider when posting for all the world to see, privacy settings be damned.


This. The first thing I do when I get a resume for a possible candidate is scour the web to see what I can dig up, and depending on what I find it undoubtedly has an impact when it comes time to decide who to interview. Every once in a while I will do a google search of my name (or user name I use on various forums) to see what shows up on Google Image. You would be surprised what stuff you thought was private shows up.


----------



## Jeffyboy (Apr 7, 2015)

If she's posting body shots that show a bit, then that attracts men who like to give her compliments, and soon a dialogue starts, then it's the "lets meet for coffee!" and before you know it...be very wary. I truly believe social media is one of the biggest reasons for breaking up marriages these days. Too easy for an old high school flame to look you up and want to meet to catch up.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Tom: From your previous thread, you described your wife as married when you had a relationship with her, engaged in group sex, had an affair with a married man, several hook-ups, and on and on... She is in her 40s. 

I know of a woman who is in her late 50s, works out, has nips and tucks here and there, and married. She posts beach scenes in her bikini and very proud of her physique. She is also pursuing an aging known rock star. She proudly posts pictures in her twitter account with pictures with this rock star inside his apartment, in the pool with him, and rock concerts. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that she is not just a fan. I feel sorry for her husband.

Your wife's behavior is narcissistic and is definitely calling attention to troll for men. You need to see a marriage counselor to address your situation.


----------



## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

My wife has posted FB pics of herself in a bikini but with our two little boys in the picture as well !??! I often tease her that it's probably her most " liked " picture she's shared ........... she always reminds me how adorable and cute our little ones are  ?????


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Tom, for what its worth (and I do understand all the points of view on this thread so far), I agree with you.

There are bikinis and there are bikinis. If the bikini that she is wearing is very revealing then I do agree that having it seen by all is inappropriate. She could actually choose which group of friends and family could see it if she wanted to (and maybe thats a compromise).

However here are a few of my beliefs:


People who have revealing pictures of themselves are very very rarely naive about what others think when they see these pics. They enjoy the attention they get (mild exhibitionism).


I don't think that your wife is any different. She probably knows what men will think and say when she posts such pics including the ones with the beer cans and probably enjoys it.


Encouraging her daughters to do the same is not good (but thats my opinion and on this, I am sure opinions wil vary).


I believe you are right to call her out on it - however as you know, it is her body and her right to do with it what she pleases (but maybe not within the confines of a relationship or marriage). You probably need to discuss this with her and as I said earlier, maybe compromise.

Good luck!


----------



## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> Tom, for what its worth (and I do understand all the points of view on this thread so far), I agree with you.
> 
> There are bikinis and there are bikinis. If the bikini that she is wearing is very revealing then I do agree that having it seen by all is inappropriate. She could actually choose which group of friends and family could see it if she wanted to (and maybe thats a compromise).
> 
> ...


She's posting pictures in her bathing suit because she likes the male attention. That is the only reason why she's is posting these pictures. I understand that mindset. If you as her husband don't want men looking at her sexually then you should ask her to pull the pictures down. It's that simple. Nobody NEEDS to have their picture posted on the internet.


----------



## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Idyit said:


> She likes the attention


Exhibitionism is one trait of a narcissist... what other NPD traits does she exhibit?


----------



## Tom44 (Apr 9, 2015)

Thank you all for the past and recent comments- very helpful. I don't think she's a narcissist- maybe a little- but more naive. We did have a productive talk about boundaries and she took the most revealing photos down. She is upset about it though- and does not see why it's a big deal in any way to have those pics public. She sees absolutely no difference between being in a bikini on a public beach, and having a bikini pic on FB that is open to the public. Hopefully she'll at least understand my position:


----------



## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

Tom44 said:


> Thank you all for the past and recent comments- very helpful. I don't think she's a narcissist- maybe a little- but more naive. We did have a productive talk about boundaries and she took the most revealing photos down. She is upset about it though- and does not see why it's a big deal in any way to have those pics public. She sees absolutely no difference between being in a bikini on a public beach, and having a bikini pic on FB that is open to the public. Hopefully she'll at least understand my position:


Tell her because when she was on the beach she was with you in public having a nice time. Bathing suit shots on Facebook can be used as porn. 

I have a hard time believing that she doesn't know this.


----------



## Muse1976 (Apr 25, 2015)

Brigit said:


> Tell her because when she was on the beach she was with you in public having a nice time. Bathing suit shots on Facebook can be used as porn.
> 
> I have a hard time believing that she doesn't know this.


:iagree:

Good post. I can't stand FB.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Tom44 said:


> Thank you all for the past and recent comments- very helpful. I don't think she's a narcissist- maybe a little- but more naive. We did have a productive talk about boundaries and she took the most revealing photos down. She is upset about it though- and does not see why it's a big deal in any way to have those pics public. She sees absolutely no difference between being in a bikini on a public beach, and having a bikini pic on FB that is open to the public. Hopefully she'll at least understand my position:


Here's my take...

Want to see my wife in a swimsuit? _Come to the beach when she's wearing it._ Anything that she wouldn't wear to work, to church, to dinner, or to a family gathering shouldn't be readily available for all the f*cking world to see. Period.

Now... if she has things that she wants to share w/ select friends? That's exactly the reason for which FB "group" functionality was created.

That said, what she chooses to post and share is exactly that -- her choice. Conversely, I get to choose how I feel about or respond to whatever improprieties may inadvertently occur. Thankfully, we're (now) on pretty much the same page w/ respect to what should and shouldn't be shared via social media.

And oh... about your wife's exes chiming in w/ the inappropriate commentary...? Your wife should've curbstomped that, and HARD. The comments should've been deleted, and notices should've been sent... again, by her. Additionally, any continued disrespect should be/should've been met w/ unfriendings and blockings.

Sorry, but I've got ZERO patience for that kind of bullsh*t.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Brigit said:


> Tell her because when she was on the beach she was with you in public having a nice time. Bathing suit shots on Facebook can be used as porn.
> 
> *I have a hard time believing that she doesn't know this.*


This!


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Also I do believe that she is a bit of a narcissist/exhibitionist and enjoys the attention and is trying to guilt you into thinking that you are in the wrong here.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> Also I do believe that she is a bit of a narcissist/exhibitionist and enjoys the attention and is trying to guilt you into thinking that you are in the wrong here.


:iagree::iagree:
Like what Gus and others have said pics are one thing but exes leaving comments I draw the line there I mean come on if it was the other way around she would be pissed.


----------



## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

''There is no difference between wearing a bikini on the beach and a bikini picture on facebook''. Now that is an ignorant statement. A picture can travel all over with a proper amount of shares. Also, anybody and I mean ANYBODY can click 'save image' and later post that very picture to a porn site, dating profile, any site basically. I cant help to think she loves the attention and likes to play naive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

