# Facing up to Reality



## perspective2 (Jun 4, 2014)

I have been unhappy with lack of sex for many years. Dh cries and promises the moon, says he can't tell when I am in the mood. Have told him let's just stick a date on the calendar and do it. Not very good when it does happen. I am overweight and working on it. He is morbidly obese. I'm just not going to get what I need physically or emotionally from him. It is best for the kids (we don't fight a lot and I won't be seeking a different relationship if I divorce) and even best for us in many ways to just stay together at this point.

I told him I wanted separate bedrooms because he snores. He does and I'm exhausted and the snoring sounds to me like laughter, like haha here I am sleeping like a log while you lay awake wishing you had a real marriage. I think I will feel less resentful if my roommate spouse and I sleep apart. He doesn't like the idea, should I just go ahead and do it? He said is there something more to it then the snoring. I can't have the conversation again, I'm done and have nothing new to say, sick of the empty promises. Can't remember the last time we had sex and it isn't good when we do have it, I feel like I am causing him too much 'work' and can't relax and their just isn't enough of him 'available' due to the fat blocking everything.

Now I am just trying to move and cope with what is and be happy as I can in spite of it. Feeling like separate bedrooms might help this.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'd actually suggest separate living quarters.

Your husband, morbidly obese, has chosen food over you, over sex, over his health, over everything. 

I know weight loss isn't easy, but is this what you want your kids to see and think of as normal? Are your kids overweight too?


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Can you both work on your health first, and then see if sex returns to the marriage? Being obese may kill the sexual desire, and being healthier will increase sex drive.

I keep myself extremely fit, and one of the benefits (curses) is having sexual desire all the time.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

perspective2 said:


> I have been unhappy with lack of sex for many years. Dh cries and promises the moon, says he can't tell when I am in the mood. Have told him let's just stick a date on the calendar and do it. Not very good when it does happen. I am overweight and working on it. He is morbidly obese. I'm just not going to get what I need physically or emotionally from him. It is best for the kids (we don't fight a lot and I won't be seeking a different relationship if I divorce) and even best for us in many ways to just stay together at this point.
> 
> I told him I wanted separate bedrooms because he snores. He does and I'm exhausted and the snoring sounds to me like laughter, like haha here I am sleeping like a log while you lay awake wishing you had a real marriage. I think I will feel less resentful if my roommate spouse and I sleep apart. He doesn't like the idea, should I just go ahead and do it? He said is there something more to it then the snoring. I can't have the conversation again, I'm done and have nothing new to say, sick of the empty promises. Can't remember the last time we had sex and it isn't good when we do have it, I feel like I am causing him too much 'work' and can't relax and their just isn't enough of him 'available' due to the fat blocking everything.
> 
> Now I am just trying to move and cope with what is and be happy as I can in spite of it. Feeling like separate bedrooms might help this.


How much is his weight over of being of a descent body size? 50lb? 100lb? More than 100lb?


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## Mummy3 (Jun 6, 2014)

I feel your pain


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