# Marriage is a mess & wife is lying to me.



## Alexander1 (Apr 25, 2013)

Good Morning!

First of all, many thanks for reading my message, your comments and advice would be much appreciated!

I will try to keep it as short as possible:

Im 38 years old and have been married for almost 6 years. Im English, my wife Mexican and we have a near 3 year old boy who is the apple of my eye. We live in Monterrey, Mexico.

Even before the marriage, i had serious questions over whether it was the right decision. At the time, i was in love with my now wife but she has a teenage daughter who was intent on making things difficult for us despite my best intentions to make a happy home. As far as violence, slamming the car door on my hand, very discreetly saying rude things to me when no-one was around.... it was difficult. Anyway, i managed to ride the storm as (i believe) i am a very loyal person, i believe in the virtues of marriage and am prepared to work hard at it, but a tense atmosphere in the house is not nice after a day at work.

Anyway, she (the teenage daughter) has now left the house and is living elsewhere and seems to be happy enough.

Early in the marriage, it was obvious we had some serious cultural problems. First up, my wife doesnt speak English and my Spanish was "ok" but not great (love conquers all right??) We have a big difference in educational background, up-bringing expectations of responsibilities in a marriage. To this day, my wife has made no effort to learn or speak English.

I (think) im romantic, i like attention to detail, flowers, gifts, vacations etc and im very ambitous with my job so that we can progress as a family and live well.

This is where the buck stops: My wife is zero romantic, zero details etc. Many times i have actually had to ask her "do you love me?" as i dont feel or see anything whatsoever.

Example: On my birthday, we went to the Mall. i was hoping that i would recieve something nice, doesnt need to anything expensive, just something that she had thought about and bought with love. So, we leave the Mall, nothing... on the highway, we pass a book store, my wife asks to stop. She goes in and comes out 2 minutes later with a book on Salmon Fishing and says "happy birthday" lol this was at 11pm having spent the whole day in the Mall. (i dont like salmon fishing)

Like i say, zero details, i dont see or feel any of her love.

Now, i have only just found out today, that her brother was deported from the USA to Mexico following a 7 year jail sentence for sexually violating a 14 year old girl. She never mentioned it and as you can imagine, this has come of something of a shock (to say the least) and so i have caught her lying red handed.

Next up, on a day-to-day basis i work long hours, from 5am to 8pm and when i get in, sometimes there is not even a sandwich prepared for me. We have a maid and a nanny so there isnt any excuse that there is no time to do anything. Im not an old fashioned husband who expects his wife to be at home in the kitchen all day, but i dont think its unfair that there might be a nice meal to come home to...???

So, to cut a long story short, i had reservations before the marriage, but went ahead with it. I (believe) my wife wants for nothing and is living a very good life-style, certainly one she has not lived before and is giving virtually nothing in return.

My main issue is we have a 3 year old boy who, ofcourse, i love more than the world. Im scared if i divorce, he will be influenced by my wife and her families level of expectation / morals / education and that i cant protect him or help him develop as well. ok, this is a horrible thing to say regarding my wife, but she comes from a very, very poor back-ground.

Finally, im sick to death of dragging my wife along. She doesnt show any motivation to be better or that as a family we progress and leaves literally everything to me. 

Example: right now, i am considering buying a property. Its going to cost every cent i have, plus my parents are going to loan the difference. On Tuesday, i was running around like a head-less chicken gathering the paper-work as well as working and i was missing the marriage certificate. I asked "do you have it" to which she said "yes, will get it later" i asked her if it was possible she could do it now (the cupboard was 2 metres from where she was sitting) and she said "nooooo i will do it later" Anyway, i had to leave as i had a meeting and she got angry with me that i was obsessing over the certificate. I explained i wanted to do it today as 1: very motivated to get in done and excited for the project and 2: the next 3 days are busy at work and i dont have time. Still nothing.

Throw on top of this the fact that my father (who is here on vacation) gave us half (over $150,000) and she did not even say "thanks"

Anyway, it feels SO de-motivating to be with someone like that.

So, to conclude: after 6 years of the above, im really sick of it. Am tired, drained and i dont really love my wife anymore. But i am worried about my son and that he will be ok. We have tried counselling etc and she isnt interested.

What do i do??? Its one of those things, where its not "so bad" in that its not violent, abusive or anything too off the wall.... its just love-less and obviously a few lies thrown in for good measure.


The only bit im missing, as my friends tell me, is to get some pants and tell her i want a divorce but i want to make sure i have explored every avenue and got several opinions first.... it feels like i have tried everything and have got nothing left to give.

Many, many thanks in advance for your comments and i am extremely grateful for all your advice!!

Take care,


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Sorry,it sounds like she married you for what you can give her.
If she has never showed signs that she has loved you,she
probably dosen't.

You sound like your a nice guy and shes using you.

Would she change if you she knew you who divorce her?

You know the answers and only you can change it.

Your friends have already told you what to do.

She gives and does nothing and has it made as you have said
so if she won't change,I would divorce her.

Good Luck


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Was she different when dating? Also, her not telling you about her brother is a bit deal. That could help you with keeping custody of your son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
I will add that in Mexican culture they teach us to have food ready for our husbands when the come back from work as a way of thanking them for providing. I live in the US and work too but still do it .
So you have a nanny and maid, what does she do? I think you can cut the maid or the nanny or both. I think she's taking advantage of you. Read no more mr nice guy https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf 

Good luck


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

ouch, sorry your here and going thru this. I have to be honest, my first instinct is she was marrying "up" for a lifestyle. This is not a trait i'd want my wife to have, and the foundation my marriage was to be built on. Now theres really not enough information for anyone to really give you good advice.......just gut feelings at this point.

With that being said thou NO WAY IM BUYING PROPERTY right now, the situation is way to cloudy. Your not even sure what/why/when is going on, and you need some of those answers before you "entitle" this woman any further imho. I'd seek a bilingual marriage counselor, maybe even have you do a solo meeting first, before I invested anymore time/money/emotions into what looks like at first glance a marriage for money/security. Good luck, hope it works out for you.


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