# I'm a flip flopper



## papados (May 28, 2014)

Hi I'm new to the forums. I'm here because I'm in a down swing, when I think about divorce. Tomorrow I could be back in an upswing thinking about how I want to stay married. I've been on this cycle for about 1.5 years. 
We've been married 8 years. Two kids 7 and 5. My wife would say she's been unhappy since within the first year we got married. I guess I just get into the routine of life. Then life changes like moving to another state, kids, job changes, etc. I adjust to the new routine and back to the cycle. 
I do most things around the house. All the grocery shopping and cooking. Most of the laundry. All the dishes and trash. I take the kids to and from school. If a kid ha to stay home I am the one automatically taking off work. 
Im a great dad. I thought I was a caring husband. Every few months for the past however many years she tells me how unhappy she is. It used to make me so sad an speechless. 
No one would suspect anything is wrong. We look so awesome to everyone. I tried counseling alone before our first kid was born. Didn't go so well. It set goals that I never seemed to meet. Tried reading books. 
I get easily distracted or forget things. No matter what I try to do that is new it never becomes habit. 
Haven't had sex in almost 3 years. 
She had given up on me at some point. After feeling rejected for too long and over worked and under appreciated I gave up too. 
We coexist as roommates in the same house. I feel like she rather be doing anything other than spending time with me. 
I feel like she is broken. I broke her and can not fix her. I feel like I'm not marriage material maybe. I don't know. 
I'm tired of disappointing her but not motivated enough to do anything about it other than leave. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has she talked about specific things you could do to meet her needs?


Or did you just come up with ideas on your own?


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## papados (May 28, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Has she talked about specific things you could do to meet her needs?
> 
> 
> Or did you just come up with ideas on your own?


She has probably given me specifics at one point but eventually it became we've been together x years you should know by now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So you don't even remember if she told you. 

Apathy seems to rule your marriage. Divorce is probably your best option.

Does work outside the home?

You could tell her that either the two of you go to counseling and put 100% effort into fixing the marriage or you will be filing for divorce as you have no intent of living the rest of your life like this.

Just be ready to file for divorce if she just blows you off.


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## papados (May 28, 2014)

I know she has told me. I just can't date it or remember good details. 
Things like I don't make her feel like a priority or I don't try and get to know her. 
We both work from home
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

papados said:


> I know she has told me. I just can't date it or remember good details.
> Things like I don't make her feel like a priority or I don't try and get to know her.
> We both work from home


Ok, that is some pretty easy stuff to fix. If someone did not make me a priority and spend time with me, I wouldn't like them much either.

Let's start with the simple stuff.

How many hours a week do the two of you spend doing things together that you enjoy ... just the two of you?


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## papados (May 28, 2014)

So las
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## papados (May 28, 2014)

So last night I had a dream that I did something not great and was keeping it a secret from my wife. I was terrified she would find out an leave me. I was lying and denying. She eventually did find out and I felt so horrible. 
I take that as a sign that I do want to stay married. But... I don't think I'm likely to put forth any extraordinary efforts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

What do you mean by you forget a lot? What kind of things? Are you not organized well?


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Can you explain why there has been no sex for the past 3 years? Is she not interested or have you not been interested? Have the 2 of you discussed this? It seems pretty unusual to not have had sex for that long when the marriage is just in its 8th year.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

So she never emailed you anything that tells you what she wants from you?

You neglected your marriage.

Get some books. Most people want similar things. Get off your ass and solve this problem. And if she doesn't respond you will be better for your next relationship.


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