# Weight gain affecting sex?



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

My wife has continued to gain weight after our last child. No easy way to say it but her belly is "affecting my angle of entry". Also, her vagina has gotten plumper which causes the dry parts of the labias to rub against my penis during sex causing friction burns. Of course you can't just say "You have a fat pus*y and it hurts me" because it would obviously be taken as an insensitive comment but who else is having this problem and how are you tackling it?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Had the problem, lost almost 40 pounds


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

Never thought about that problem, but how about lube for the friction issue?
I would say, don't insult her no matter what you do; she will probably never forget it! I know I wouldn't! I'd be like, oh my *****'s fat, eh?? Well, say goodbye to her!


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Lube it and try other positions. 

Is she concerned or making effort about her weight issue?


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

YupItsMe said:


> Is she concerned or making effort about her weight issue?


Not at all. She's a train wreck waiting to happen. Addicted to fast food and she's a type 2 diabetic who is now insulin dependent. AT 35!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Yes...mix it up a little, lube it up a little...and try not to gain any weight yourself, lest things become even more difficult.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

CandieGirl said:


> Yes...mix it up a little, lube it up a little...and try not to gain any weight yourself, lest things become even more difficult.


Tried to lube it, got in trouble for making her feel bad she wasn't wet enough for me anymore.

I work out 3 times a week. I'm a big strong fella.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

one_strange_otter said:


> Not at all. She's a train wreck waiting to happen. Addicted to fast food and she's a type 2 diabetic who is now insulin dependent. AT 35!


I would NEVER mention the sex part but you do have an approach available on the weight part. 

Tell her your concerned about her health and get her doc on board.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Wah...this is a difficult one. I'm the exerciser in our relationship...H doesn't want to do anything and I do worry about (additional) eventual health issues.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, I'll be honest - don't have this problem since both my H and I are trim. So I can't give you first-hand, personal experience.

But, weight is a tricky issue to bring up to a spouse. She won't lose weight unless she really wants to, and bringing it up with her may just engender bad feelings.

Therefore, I would instead look in to other positions that you could have sex in, and I would keep trying to use lube - I would phrase it that it's so you (not her) don't hurt.

I did a quick google on "sexual positions for overweight people" and there were quite a few hits. You can try some different positions and the use of 'props', such as pillows, to help create the best angle for you and your wife.

Here's one article that had some suggestions (and the actual title of the article itself is "Sexual Positions for Overweight People", so don't get put off by the link title shown below.)

fat people - AskMen

Best wishes.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I agree with Enchantment on this. People lose weight when they want to, not when they feel guilted, shamed, or pressured to do so. 

Your comments about your wife seem less than sensitive (her pu$$y is fat and she's a train wreck). Those don't strike me as the comments from a loving, supportive husband, but I hope Iam wrong about this.

People who are addicted to junk food are usually eating it to feel good. The question is - WHY is your wife feeling bad? So bad that she has to use food to feel better? So bad that her health is compromised? I would think that would be the most important issue.

In terms of what you can do, live a healthy lifestyle, eat healthy food and tell your wife that you do not want your children to eat fast food, ever. It is bad for them in so many ways.

So if you must say anything to your wife, sit down and talk to her about the family's eating habits. Tell her you want to make sure that the kids are eating fresh fruits, veggies, and lean meats. Don't make it about her, make it about the family being healthy. She may eventually think about becoming a healthier role model for your kids.

I would also encourage your wife to get some counseling. If she's not practicing self-care, that is often a sign of depression. But again, don't bring it up in the context of her weight. You could say that she seems stressed and unhappy and that you think she should talk to someone. 

I would never, ever tell her you think she is fat or unattractive. She will remember that for all time!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Input on these matters falls into 2 distinct camps, and it generally plays out the same, whenever this issue comes up ...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...e-she-getting-too-fat-sexually-desirable.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/17157-obesity-marriage.html


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Have you tried leading a healthier lifestyle yourself and then maybe helping her lose weight 'by stealth'? Once I started getting in shape and following a healthier diet (still with the odd guilt-free blow-out burger-a-thon now and again) my wife kinda just ended up eating healthier too, lost a bit of weight, felt good about herself, and then that kicked things off for her and she kept losing weight.
Agree that lube in the meantime will help!


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

To be blunt - losing weight should be part of marital responsibility and this goes for both parties in any marriage. You can't stack on the pounds and expect it not to affect your relationship in some way.
Quite frankly this happens more with women since political correctness has more or less given a free pass (justifiably so due to the pressures women face in the looks department alone) to women being called out on this. Hence alot of men no sacking up to tell their significant other about their weight issues for fear of "hurting her feelings". I believe there are ways to communicate this without "hurting feelings".
Now I'm very active (soccer, mountian biking, boxing, running to name a few) so I don't have this problem but my SBTX isn't, whereas she makes up for it with whatever the new workout fad is (jillian Michaels, South Beach, Atkins (until he dropped dead), Zumba - the new craze etc). So I guess my active life rubs off on her a bit. 
My point here is that if you want her taking the initiative you have to lead by example. If she sees you getting active then she might see your activities as encouragement to either join you or get left behind. If she does good, if she doesn't well.....start counting the clock until she accuses you of looking good for the OW while she sits home watching Oprah and eating scooby snacks 

A


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I brought up the weight issue with my wife when even her doctor told her she needed to start losing weight. I joined a gym and got in great shape and asked her to join me on the journey. She refused.

It hurt me a lot more to know that my concerns about her health and overall lifestyle were not important, rather than her actual weight or angle of entry or any other such issue.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Acorn - I'm sorry to hear that. In your case it sounds like you're pouring water into a basket. I sometimes wished women understood where men are coming from. All that time they spend with their friends talking about men and you'd think they'd "get it" LOL. THe few women who get it can attest to having the strongest relationships wiht their men. Not to absolve us men but lets call a spade a spade here, men have it a bit easier in the fitness department than women do.
If she's not on board with you then I'm willing to bet money it may soon turn into resentment. Seen this happen time and time again. She's not interested yet when you do it she starts giving you a hard time about it after a while. Just brace yourself Acorn....


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

aston said:


> Acorn - I'm sorry to hear that. In your case it sounds like you're pouring water into a basket. I sometimes wished women understood where men are coming from. All that time they spend with their friends talking about men and you'd think they'd "get it" LOL. THe few women who get it can attest to having the strongest relationships wiht their men. Not to absolve us men but lets call a spade a spade here, men have it a bit easier in the fitness department than women do.
> If she's not on board with you then I'm willing to bet money it may soon turn into resentment. Seen this happen time and time again. She's not interested yet when you do it she starts giving you a hard time about it after a while. Just brace yourself Acorn....


Thanks...we are not doing well in our marriage but this is hardly the driving issue.

I think it doesn't matter what the issue is, whether it be weight or time spent together or help around the house - whatever it is, it should be taken seriously by the other spouse when it is brought up. It is a matter of respect, IMO.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

absolutely a matter of respect, unfortunately the rampant political correctness and disinformation of today has defined respect as being subservient or emasculated. She can call you all sorts of names etc but you're not allowed to return the favor (non violence that is...jsut to clear that up).
I think you are responsible for your life (and your children if you have any). Never spend your life living someone elses life or living your life based on someone else's planned outcomes. Do what fulfils YOU. Marriage is an undertaking but being married is no reason to be miserable.


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## HazelEyedGirl (Nov 4, 2011)

I am over weight. I would love to be able to exercise with my hubby, but he is physically unable. (his opinion, not mine nor his doctor's) I realize I could exercise without him for myself, but I have fears of doing so. I'm afraid I will like myself more to the point I will fully resent him and his disabilities. I'm afraid he will become jealous of me and my NON-disability and then become more depressed. 

I believe that if both of us exercised more, our sex life 'might' be like it was from the beginning, if not better.

Needless to say, I can somewhat relate to the Acorn. It's very difficult to make a very sensitive and stubborn person to understand the importance of not only doing something for their own benefit, but for the other people that love and care for them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Just to update, about 2 weeks ago we were getting in bed and she was talking about having sex but asked about if I had hurt myself. I guess it was the way she said it like I was doing something wrong so in a nutshell it came out that I thought she had gained enough weight that i was rubbing on things that were dry and that was causing the problem with my "injuries". She did not take it well. Next day she sent a text saying she would wait until she lost weight if I wanted her to. I didn't get that she was joking and it got worse. now she says it's her diabetes thats causing the moisture issues but even with lube she's afraid she will hurt me again so we haven't touched each other in over two weeks now.


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## danjensv (Nov 1, 2011)

I disagree with many of the posters on here. You can tell her that her weight is becoming a problem without being an ass. If she is becoming unattractive, or sex is becoming difficult, you have every right to tell her, gently and lovingly. You don't have a right to demand she do anything, but you can help her understand her choices are affecting you and your relationship.

Honestly, she sounds really overweight if you're having problems like that. I've dated bigger women and my DW was hovering at 200 (now 125) after our second kid, not to mention I struggle with my weight and I've never had issues like you mention.

If she's really out of control, it is you're duty as her husband, friend and lover to try and intervene. She won't do it unless she decides she wants to, that's true, but you should be trying to help her see that she needs to. Tough situation and I wish you luck.


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