# Please help! I'm a new user to Forum



## michelle101

Hi, everyone! Can you tell me what should I do?
My husband having alcohol addiction problem. Not only that, he also like watching adult movie behind my back. He hide it from me all the time. He said he has a problem with sexual activity. He told me that he used to have a crazy sex life with his ex-girl friends before he married me. But now he can't do the same to me becuz he loves me so much that he can't disrespecting me. He and I rarely having sex(almost none in 2007). I want to talk with him about this but I'm scare and embarrase to ask him. What can I do to bring this subject up with him?


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## hurtandsad

I am new myself so I do understand that this is difficult. The situation that I have is similar. The only thing I can tell you is to definitely talk about it, but never do anything that you will be uncomfortable with or regret later. Sex is important in a relationship, but it shouldn't become something that you have to hide things over and carry around bad feelings over. I wish you the best of luck.


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## kajira

The one person we as women should not have reservations talking about sex to is our spouse. However, we have a fear of rejection and feelilng well stupid or silly. If he loves you as much as he says he does, perhaps he could show you how he likes to have fun in a way that is safe and non-threat like. You may have more in common than you know. Communication is going to be key.


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## draconis

Cummunication is always the path to resolution. Don't be scared if it is something you need to talk about then you should.

draconis


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## emate1209

Just like with Alcohol, pornography is an addiction and if the addiction is not resolved it will interfere with your sex life as you are no doubt experiencing now.

Here's a radical suggestion. Why not watch the pornography with him? That way you can strike up a natural conversation about what he likes and dislikes? At the same time you can share with him what you like and dislike.

After watching a few with him you now have something in common to talk about and hence you have created a channel to start talking about your sex lives.

My fear for you is that he may not be enjoying sex with you and he's using the excuse of pornography as a way of finding emotional and physical relief.

I agree with the other comments posted earlier that communication is key and you will have to find out why you haven't has sex for so long.

Please consider my radical suggestion to get the conversation going. 

Best of luck.

Cheers


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## gingerb

I think it's disrespectful for him to brag about his previous sex life especially when yours is hardly existant. I agree with the others. You should tell him how that makes you feel. If he isn't comfortable having sex with you (and vise versa) then you should talk about it. Maybe try new things to make it better for both of you. It's not disrespectful to have sex with your partner. I would watch the porn he's into to see what he likes . . . then you could play the part.


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## draconis

gingerb said:


> I think it's disrespectful for him to brag about his previous sex life especially when yours is hardly existant. I agree with the others. You should tell him how that makes you feel. If he isn't comfortable having sex with you (and vise versa) then you should talk about it. Maybe try new things to make it better for both of you. It's not disrespectful to have sex with your partner. I would watch the porn he's into to see what he likes . . . then you could play the part.


I agree here, if you feel comfortable doing it.

draconis


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## Green-Moo

Do you know what it is that he used to get up to with these ex partners that he won't consider doing with you? Sounds like he has a ***** or virgin mentality.

You said that he watches pron behind your back? Is that because you don't like him to watch it, or because he's embarrassed to watch it with you? Perhaps he thinks that you will think less of him if he admits what it is that he wants. I'd agree with the previous suggestion of suggesting you watch it together. It's a good 'opener' to a conversation about sex, and you might find that you both enjoy it.


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## Liza

I would prepare a nice dinner. Tell him there is something you would like to talk about, but don't know how to. I you can't say it, write it in a letter, you may be able to express yourself better that way.


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## DeniseK

I disagree with you watching porn with him. If it is an addiction then you will only be enabling him. He will think you are condoning his actions. I mean really. You wouldn't go out and drink with an alcoholic would you? If it is a problem with addiction, then you cant fix it. He has to want to get help. I don't mean to sound harsh....but sometimes things can not be fixed. My first husband was that way. He loved porn....and he did want me to watch with him....I did. And it didn't satisfy any of his problems...he began going out with other women....but still professed his love for me. He had an addiction...and morality deficency. Sure ...communicate...in a non threatening tone....and tell him what you can and can't live with. Then be strong enough to stand by your word. Best of luck.


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## ISSA

There is a lot of good advice already given. He sounds a lot like me. I would never want to disrespect my wife, and what I have recently found out is that she truly want to satisfy me as much as I her. Once your husband realizes that, I think things will liven up with you too. Don't prep him for anything or give him a choice. Just seduce him in the sexiest way you can think of.


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