# My Marriage is Depressing Me



## acbleu (May 22, 2015)

I've been with my husband 10 years married for 5. This is my 2nd marriage (married young) and I have 2 kids from that marriage. He has 1 from a previous relationship. When we first started dating there were signs of verbal aggression, selfishness, he at times was condescending, and would fight for attention when it came to my kids. But being fresh love and only seeing the good things I over looked it. Before we got married we lived together but then I moved out and bought my own house (his neighborhood was going down) for the better school system. 9 months later he proposed and told me my house was too small so we bought a bigger house.

Fast forward several years to 2013. At this time nothing is like the marriage I believe in. We have separate finances, we split everything 1/2 & 1/2 even the dinner bill, it has gotten to the point where if he does anything for me or my kids he constantly throws it up in our face so I told him don't do anthing for us. He only does things out of expectation and not love. So now he has nothing to hold over our heads. He keeps telling me how much better his life was and he should have stayed in his house (even though it was his idea....all of it). So you could imagine this made me feel great . I could easily say that I was just fine with me and my girls in my little house, how my finances were much better, how I had other options....but I actually care about peoples feelings and keep it to myself. 

Well my car broke down and I had to get it fixed. He convinced me to allow him to help me fix it. Bad idea. He kept telling me I needed a new car and that he would help me with the down payment. Nope, not after telling me I'm the reason you are broke. Even though I was paying all the bills at this point (and yes he was working). Talking to money with him or telling him I need his half always turns into an arguement so I rather just pay everything and struggle than argue. Anyway, I was blessed enough to be able to buy a new car (not brand new but new to me). He got mad cause I didn't take him with me and told me he was leaving me....over a car. First, I'm not taking from his money, the house money, we don't share our money, so it came from from my money. 

After that (shortly after) he got mad at me again. I went out with a girlfriend (I never go out...literally) and he got mad. So he was ready to leave again. At this point I'm feeling bad like I'm wrong so I do what I can to make him happy. Then he starts complaining about my kids and them not cleaning the way he wants. Now these girls get A's and B's (mostly A's), they never get in trouble, they play sports, perform throughout the community with a gospel dance group, very active in church, never sneaking boys in the house or having wild parties, so if this is their only infraction I can live with that. This is the only thing he can come up with so he tells me he doesn't like me kids he just tolerates them because he loves me. 10 years and you have not created a relationship with my kids yet I love his daughter to death and she doesn't always listen to me. 

So he tells me again we should just split up so at this point I say you're right. Apparently he was bluffing and agreed to go to counseling where I was made to look crazy. According to him just because he says he's leaving, if he doesn't leave that's what matters. Ok 

Now at this point my wall is up and I'm not taking any chances. A few months ago he got mad for who knows what. Yes I am not the happiest and it doesn't seem to matter to him as long as he's happy but I still try to do the normal things a wife is suppose to do. At least I try with a smile. Now he's telling me I should sleep in the other room and he's going to move out. I'm super confused now but after thinking it over I talk to him calmly and tell him he is right. I'm unhappy and depressed all the time, I can never seem to do anything right in his eyes so we should split. We discuss filing our taxes separately and getting separate car insurance. The next day he acts like he didn't just say he wanted to leave. Now I'm even more emotionally distant. I still move into the other room and when I tell you I had the best sleep...yes! Now he's mad because I gave him what he asked for and it's not working out the way he thought. 

He actually told my daughter, who has asthma, that her medical bills are the reason we are at odds. She called me crying saying she's sorry she's the reason we are breaking up. 

I'm still in the other room sleeping but everyday I just want to run away. I have moments and complete sadness and I don't want to do anything but sleep. I feel trapped and soooo unhappy. But he seems to be happy and now tries to force the happiness onto me but my heart has hardened. I can't get over him telling me he's leaving, saying he doesn't like my kids, blaming my child for our issues, saying I'm the reason for his downfall. I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to keep hurting. How can I escape??? Is marriage really about the other persons happiness despite your own?


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Nobody is happy and what you are describing is mental abuse on you and your children. He probably is also on the Psychopathy/Narcissism spectrum. He certainly seems manipulative and selfish.

End the marriage. You deserve a better life. Not sure if he does, but you certainly do.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, marriage is definitely not only about the other person's happiness. He was selfish before you married him and he still is. It takes two people to make a marriage work and you don't have that. And there's absolutely no excuse for what he said to your daughter. Time to move on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There is nothing there to save. And you're harming your kids by staying. They will BECOME one of the two of you if you stay - meek or abusive.


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