# he flipped out after our son cried about him staying in NC.



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

My STBXH just went off on me this morning telling me how its my fault his kids are going to have a broken family. Then he went on to say how much ive ruined his life and how everythings my fault. I'm such a b*tch and a c*nt and how he will pay anything to get me out of his life, etc. He told me he hasnt loved me in a long time but has only dealt with me because of the kids. (why continue to have kids with me then?). I have done some bad things in the marriage. I have an emotional affair our first year of marriage, which he thinks was a PA. Then i nagged him all of the time.

This conversation was triggered by our 3 year old crying about him not moving back up to Maryland. He asked when his dad was moving back home or when we were gonna move to be with him. So of course i have to hear how crappy i am and how its all my fault. Ive done my share of things in the marriage. We have had more bad times than good times and honestly the only time he was ever nice to me was when he wanted sex. We had no relationship outside of our kids. We spent most of the marriage apart.

Im back to NC after this conversation. I pretty much told him he had every right to feel that way, i agreed with him.

Is he always going to hate me? Will he ever get over this and stop flipping out on me all of the time?


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

momtoboys said:


> My STBXH just went off on me this morning telling me how its my fault his kids are going to have a broken family. Then he went on to say how much ive ruined his life and how everythings my fault. I'm such a b*tch and a c*nt and how he will pay anything to get me out of his life, etc. He told me he hasnt loved me in a long time but has only dealt with me because of the kids. (why continue to have kids with me then?). I have done some bad things in the marriage. I have an emotional affair our first year of marriage, which he thinks was a PA. Then i nagged him all of the time.
> 
> This conversation was triggered by our 3 year old crying about him not moving back up to Maryland. He asked when his dad was moving back home or when we were gonna move to be with him. So of course i have to hear how crappy i am and how its all my fault. Ive done my share of things in the marriage. We have had more bad times than good times and honestly the only time he was ever nice to me was when he wanted sex. We had no relationship outside of our kids. We spent most of the marriage apart.
> 
> ...


He will stop flipping out on you when you stop giving him the opportunities to.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

i thought we were going to discuss meeting sunday and then it turned in to this whole rampage about how he hates me. Im considering not going sunday and letting a friend drive our oldest son down to see him. Im really just sick of his mental abuse.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Good choice, Mom. It is your responsibility to make your children available to you. It is not your responsibility to listen to his bile.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Mom....unfortunately I was a lot like you....took all the blame all the time....

I thought maybe I could change his mind this way, and a little I believed it was all my fault too....

It didn't change anything...he still divorced me and is still blaming me....

You have to learn to respect yourself before he is going to show respect for you !!!!

It takes two to tango.....


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Big mistake on your part was trying to have your child talk to him before he got a chance to cool down. This normal interaction can be seen as manipulation and just push him that much further away. He's just displacing his hurt feelings on you and avoiding responsibility for the damage his affair is causing himself. What have I told you all along? 

Avoid him ASAP! You cannot change his mind, but you can agree with him and take away his ammunition for the most part.... mostly take all the blame just to shut him up, but don't let him childishly call you names and get away with it. If he can't speak nicely then don't take his calls. 

If I were you I would go DARK for until Saturday and then try talking to him again. Just try as much as possible to emphasize with him and how "this has been stressful for you both...." and get him comfortable talking to you for FIVE MINUTES no more than that. If you can get him reasonably comfortable then there might be a chance for you to be civil and talk about this on Sunday. If not, well then.... have him served and wait for your court ordered mediation date. That's what four to six months? That's enough time for him to calm down and want to talk with you calmly.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

momtoboys said:


> i thought we were going to discuss meeting sunday and then it turned in to this whole rampage about how he hates me. Im considering not going sunday and letting a friend drive our oldest son down to see him. Im really just sick of his mental abuse.


Why would you go anyway after today? Seriously...teach him consequences for his behavior.

And next time, just hang up. Stop allowing him to abuse you. I hung up on my ex (who was similar) when we broke up and it was awesome. He called back 20 minutes later to apologize and I told him he couldn't talk to me like that anymore and if he did, i'd continue to hang up. he never did it again and he is a verbal abuser.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Why would you go anyway after today? Seriously...teach him consequences for his behavior.
> 
> And next time, just hang up. Stop allowing him to abuse you. I hung up on my ex (who was similar) when we broke up and it was awesome. He called back 20 minutes later to apologize and I told him he couldn't talk to me like that anymore and if he did, i'd continue to hang up. he never did it again and he is a verbal abuser.


My STBXH never apologizes ever. He has said out right messed up things to me and never feels bad.

Nsweet- im about to order surviving the affair in hopes that may help me understand.


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