# what to do ..please help...which way to go



## chutki (Jul 13, 2012)

*Need advices...urgent !! what to do ...which way to go*

its been almost 11 months since me and husband got separated with each other...
all this time had whiled away just thinking abt him...he moved on to some other place for work...and didnt wish to be in contact with me...somehow when i tried contacting him...we used to end up having an argument..so i started following 180 with few adjustments...i was just wondering when ll all these things settle...but somehow my husband was back to my place...said he came to settle things either for a divorce or for reconcilation...

i like to be with him...but when i think about my past experience with him and future i am very much worried and if i again end up with a broken heart...i am wondering if its better to continue this separation to divorce or should i try to give another chance to my marriage...coz he himself came saying he would wish to settle things either for good or bad...
i am really worried if i can be happy with him or not...even with a divorce tag life would be tough...i am not knowing which way to go...how to put up things and decide which is good for me...
he said "he wants to settle things...if its for good...we ll be together...if things didnt work he ll be left with no option except divorce and lets dont drag our relation more".....these are the words said by him....has he really changed coz he himself came to put some efforts to settle for some decision...

please help or suggest me what to do ..how can i know which is good for me...


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

In the back of your mind think, if he came back would he have no problem walking away again?


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## chutki (Jul 13, 2012)

he said he wont walk away again...
but i dont know he can be good for few days but ll change again...apart from being with him i am worried about staying with my mother in law...she also stays with him...i dont like her for the way she treated me and told all non sense about me to my husband..though i am able to forgive my husband i am not able to digest the point of being together with her again....
same time i dont know if i am overthinking or thinking negatively..
i dont know how to tackle this situation...should i say yes to him or not...the min he came back to sort i am feeling like not wanting him anymore...when he wasnt there for the last few months i always used to think about him and miss him...when he is back i am not feeling like going back...or i guess i am worried about my future with him...he came back but he isnt that changed...still he blames every thing as only my fault and failure...i am not knowing what to do


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you set up a home that is not with his mother? Then you can make a choice without having to worry about her.

I agree with you that taking him back is risky. What has he promised to do to make you feel safe now? You have no reason to believe that he will stay and not run off again. Just because he says it does not meant that he will live by what he said. When he married you he made promises that he has not kept. 
Don’t move in with him. Make him have to move in with you. And let him know that you have boundaries. If he crosses the boundaries then the marriage is over…

If he leaves again, if he hits you, yells at you, does no put his income into a joint account for support, etc. 

What are the things that you need to feel secure?


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## chutki (Jul 13, 2012)

Thanks for the replies.
There is no option of leaving his mom out.He ll either leave me rather than leaving her.I mean both his mom and dad stays with him.If i agree to be with him ,i need to stay with them too.I really dont want to see her again,but same time i feel why should i leave my husband just coz i am not able to tolerate her?
We havent yet had a talk on how we are going to be in future nor anything is discussed.He just called me by himself and said he wanted to settle things.If all ends well then he is fine to be with me.If this time also if our discussion fails,then he said he would apply for divorce.
I am not knowing how to tackle this situation.How to talk and handle.The next day i called him back just to say hi i was feeling like i am talking to some stranger..all sort of feelings rushed in ...i felt bad that i am talking to my husband as if he is some stranger or with no freeness in the talks..i really felt so bad ... 
Before deciding to be with him or before deciding to take divorce i was thinking to we both should talk more and more such that i ll get an idea if i can be with him or not,can know if he has changed any a bit....then thinking of going to some therapist with him.I want to see how all these things go.I even dont know if he agrees to all of this..
Can anyone suggest how should i talk to him..?the option which i mentioned above of talking to him more and more...Will it benefit in any way..?
Please suggest


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