# What is a successful marriage?



## heyyoo

So what defines a successful long term marriage anyway?


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## Forest

You still enjoy being with each other. Agree on sex and money, settle your disagreements quickly and civilly, and most importantly --keep your hands, lips, hearts, minds, and genitals off all others!

You're welcome, de nada, etc.


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## murphy5

you guys can have fun together, and do often. You can be apart too, but like it better when you are together. You get laid a lot each week, and do other romantic things. While you both lead different lives with different interests, there are some interests that overlap, you make sure you do some of those joint interest things together on the weekends.


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## Ikaika

As our vows suggest - one that can survive in the good & bad times, in sickness & in health and wealthy and poverty. My wife and I have been through them all and in the end it did not end our marriage, it did not make it perfect but it did make it personally stronger for both of us. 

It takes personal dedication on the part of both individuals to make it work. If only one wants to see it through but the other does not it may last but I question the success. You have to be part of the solution to make it successful, there is no bones about it. 

My humble opinion. Married for 20 years this coming December.


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## heyyoo

It has been over 20 years here and is ok. We could grind out another 20.
We have had good and bad times like everyone else.
We do ok financially, there are no real negatives to talk about; but if asked if I would do it all again I'd say no. 
In that, I'd say unsuccessful I guess.


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## Philat

Right as always, JA. In fact, I believe it is possible to have had a successful long-term marriage even if it ends in divorce.


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## Married but Happy

Some would say marriage is about duty, service, and commitment, and probably raising children. Traditionally, it has little or nothing to do with happiness.

That would describe my first marriage, which by the above standards was a success, even though we were both miserable.

Once our son was old enough, I ditched that travesty and moved on to seek a new version of marriage, in which mutual love, respect, and happiness were THE key components. Duty, service, and commitment are still present of course, but on equal terms with happiness. Failure of any of these would mean the relationship is no longer successful.

I'm happy to say this marriage is everything I had hoped marriage could be. Marriage is no longer necessary in modern society, so to make it worth the work and hard times, I think it has to fill the additional need of creating happiness.


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## SimplyAmorous

If I was miserable , I would not personally call it successful.. that would only be on paper...and this could be very cold and lonely.. I really need the heart, the affection & emotions of a living breathing soul next to me -united in our journey...

If /when we hit speed bumps, get ship wrecked...we still need that willing partner who cares about "US"......One can't do this alone, or carry all the weight, this will only breed resentment...... a couple has to believe in the vision before them... and struggle through the hard times together...

Oh there will be times where one takes on more of the load...in sickness, financial struggle...and where it may be our turn...but there is a thankfulness that this person is still there...by our side, wanting to hold our hand....while going through it.. 

Happiness can be found in the midst of the storms of life too..

..It's always a beautiful thing when a couple can look back and really LAUGH at some of the sh** they've trudged through together, but they'll still standing [email protected]#...

..It's like the spirit in this old classic...you just want to turn it up & sing your heart out.. smiling at each other... 

 Still the One -the Orleans


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## Adeline

there was a news story sometime in the last year or so about the longest married couple, something like 80 years married. They were asked what their secret was to a long, happy marriage. Their answer was something like "we never fell out of love at the same time." Wow. That really stuck with me.


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## SimplyAmorous

Adeline said:


> there was a news story sometime in the last year or so about the longest married couple, something like 80 years married. They were asked what their secret was to a long, happy marriage. Their answer was something like "we never fell out of love at the same time." Wow. That really stuck with me.


Couple stories like that here... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/85537-true-inspiration.html

I posted about a couple married 72 yrs..this was from 2011....



> Gordon and Norma Yeager married 72 yrs die an hour apart holding hands | Mail Online
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> They were married on the day she Graduated 1939
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> A short news story here >>
> Couple Married 72 Years Dies Together Holding Hands - Inspirational Videos I guess they held hands in the casket...they were old fashioned and just did everything together...
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> It said this about them >>
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> "Despite their closeness, Dennis admits at times his parents were 'total opposites'.
> He said: 'They just loved being together but of course they would get mad at each other.
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> 'My Dad was very sociable, he loved doing anything that involved being with people. My Mom was quieter but she would support my Dad in whatever he was doing. She would be there making sure everyone had something to eat, had a drink in their hand.
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> How it all ended....
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> Dennis said that his father would continuously say, '*I have to stick around. I can't go until she does because I have to stay here for her and she would say the same thing*.'
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> Last Wednesday while making a trip into town, the car Gordon Yeager was driving mistakenly pulled out in front of another.
> A police report said the oncoming driver tried to avoid the collision, but it wasn't able to stop in time.
> Rushing to the hospital, Dennis said he found his parents sharing a unit in the intensive care unit.
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> Never separated and holding hands they lay, though 'not really responsive,' he said.
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> That afternoon at 3:38pm, Gordon passed away, with his wife and family beside him. The anomaly began though for the family, when Gordon's heart monitor kept beeping.
> 'It was really strange. They were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going,' Dennis recalled.
> 'But we were like, he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heart beat?'
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> Dennis asked a nurse who checked, pointing out the couple's hands which were still locked together.
> 'Her heart was beating through him and picking it up,' Dennis said the nurse explained.
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> Exactly one hour later though, at 4:48pm, Norma died too.
> 'Neither one of them would've wanted to be without each other. I couldn't figure out how it was going to work,' said daughter Donna Sheets on what life would have been like for the other if only one had survived. 'We were very blessed, honestly, that they went this way.'
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> Dennis said: 'I don't believe there was a big secret to their marriage. Sometimes one or the other would get mad but they worked everything out.
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> 'In the end, they chose each other and that was it. They were committed.'
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> The couple held hands at their funeral Tuesday, sharing the same casket. Their family says after they are cremated, their ashes will be mixed together.
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> Click to expand...
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> I balled reading that story... a perfect ending to a wonderful life (though they had tragedy along the way.... loosing 2 sons in car crashes)... they had 2 surviving children, 14 grandchildren, 29 great-grandchildren & 1 great-great grandchild.
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> That 10 minute video that was put together of their life ...Oh my.....the song.. I need some kleenex!
Click to expand...


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## jld

SimplyAmorous said:


> ..It's like the spirit in this old classic...you just want to turn it up & sing your heart out.. smiling at each other...
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> Still the One -the Orleans


Great song, SA!

I love being married for a long time. 20 years last month for us. 

I love knowing we are each committed to the other. We each know all the bad things about each other, and love and accept each other anyway.

I think we really are best friends. We belong together.

Whatever happens, we will go through it together. I don't think anything could really separate us, though I have screamed and hollered the D word a few times.

One time I did that during an argument, saying, "If we ever get divorced, I get half of everything!"

Dh replied calmly, "You deserve all of it."

What to do then but go to him, put my arms around him, and tell him how sorry I was for being so mean? And to have him take me in his arms and tell me he knows I don't really mean it when I say those things, that it is just the frustration talking.

Dh never says that word. In his mind, it is unthinkable. I truly think his love is unconditional. Sure feels like that, anyway.


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## CuddleBug

Always making the time to take care of your spouses needs, whatever those main needs might be. If his is sex and physical attention, then she always makes the times and takes care of her man's needs out of love. And if hers is more emotional, attention and romance, then he must take care of her needs our of love. Both must do this and never deny each other because that over time leads to a bad marriage and many other issues.....sums it up, when you get married you are not your own anymore. You are to take care of your other halves needs as your own.

Finances. I do them because I like to do so and we pay the bills based on our income levels, being 50 / 50 on what we each make.

Everything is joint spousal. Credit cards, line of credit, bank accounts, etc.


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## johny1989

People who have successful marriages possess the following qualities [[I think]]: 

1. They got married for the RIGHT reasons in the first place. Also, they didn't rush it, nor did they drag their feet. 
2. They didn't expect marriage to change their relationship or fix any problems. 
3. They had realistic expectations of marriage and each others roles thereof. 
4. They communicate correctly. They don't expect the other to read their minds, and are clear with what they want. 
5. They argue fairly. They do not yell, belittle, name-call, manipulate, play mind games, insult, and the like. They do not dismiss each other's feelings. It is not their objective to "win" the fight - it is to come to a mutual understanding and compromise. 
6. They forgive. And they can admit they're wrong, even if they think they're right. 
7. They don't keep "score." 
8. They accept that nothing is ever perfect, and therefore don't expect it to be. 
9. They keep a sense of humor. 
10. They know that it takes more than love to keep the marriage together, and that it must be worked at every day.


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## scatty

When you would rather be with your spouse than anyone else. They try hard to meet your needs, and you do the same.


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## DoF

Companionship, compromise and commitment.


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