# Need advice on another affair



## scared99 (Jan 1, 2018)

Ok... I guess I got what was coming to me with my issues. One of my friends ( he's also my boss) is currently married to a great woman . Over the years he has cheated on her with countless females. He is now carrying on an affair with another woman for 3 years. Using alternate email addresses.. claiming he's going out of town for work and meeting her. His affair partner is also married and her husband doesn't have a clue. He loves bragging to me about this and pretty much i am the only one who knows. Before I just ignored him and thought what a scumbag but after going thru what I went thru I feel for his wife and think she should know. I am trying to find ways to out his affair without it getting back to me ( because he is also my boss at work) any thoughts ? I am not too concerned about our friendship... he's pretty much a sociopath with no regard for anyone else but am worried about my job.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

that is a tough one...how many other people know about the affair...does it flaunt it in the office? where he meets her is there any chance that the wife could go by there?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Can you get another job. Having a boss that is a sociopath is dangerous. Who knows how he would treat you if you became a hindrance to anything he might want. Who knows how he would treat the company he works for if he has no motivation not to do wrong.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Hire a PI or get a trusted friend to get pictures. Have it done at a time when you have an alibi. Then you send the photos to his wife and OW's H.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

Hey, I know this is going to sound terrible, but is there another team member who's a d_ck head you could pin it on? Perhaps maybe send some type of communication to his wife using another employees name?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If he's bragging to you at work about his affairs, then chances are pretty good you're not the only one he can't keep his mouth shut around and that plenty of people know he's a serial cheater. Which, if you want to out him to his wife, is a good thing. You should have some cover if you expose to her anonymously. After all, he can't shut up about it, so it could have been anyone who told her. 

Leave an anonymous note on her car, send her an anonymous email, send an anonymous letter. Even if you don't have actual evidence of his cheating, you may be able to include details that will give her a starting place for her own investigations if she wants to pursue them. Give her as much information as you have - the OW's name, employer, the length of time the affair has been going on, where and when they meet up, any instances when you know he was with the OW instead of on business trips, the email addresses they're using if you know them, or simply that they are using alternate email accounts. Also, tell her that this isn't his first affair, and give her any information you have regarding any of the other ones. 

After that, drop it entirely. Don't give any indications that you've done this. If anyone ever asks, deny it immediately. 

Oh, and if possible, find another job so you can out this sleezeball to HR on your way out the door. At the very least, you could say that you've been made very uncomfortable being exposed to this guy's bragging in the workplace about his immoral and dishonest lifestyle choices and are leaving for that reason. A lot of companies dislike losing good workers because of a problem employee such as your boss. And being a lying cheat is almost never a good thing in an employer's eyes.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Yeah, get another job. Tell his wife. Resolve your marriage issues. Has he met your wife? With his track record and her... well, the way she is....


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## scared99 (Jan 1, 2018)

I am the only one who knows all the details. I cannot get another job without taking a huuuuge hit. We were friends before we started working together and just recently he became my boss. He usually brags to me after he meets her. We all went to college together so I know his affair partner as well.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

So you've been friends for years with someone you've always known is a serial cheater? Dude. You need better friends.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

scared99 said:


> I am the only one who knows all the details. I cannot get another job without taking a huuuuge hit. We were friends before we started working together and just recently he became my boss. He usually brags to me after he meets her. We all went to college together so I know his affair partner as well.


Don't assume you are safe. You are tied to a sociopath. They don't have feelings that would cause them to feel anything about doing right or wrong. They don't just cheat, they lie, they steal. How much liability would you have if say for instance he were to steal from a client? Or say you know he is stealing from a client? Or what would happen to your job if she did find out they divorce and she gets 50% of the business forcing him to sell it? Would he pin something on you to avoid consequences? The money may be nice but if it were me I would be looking to find a way to get the salary somewhere else.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Is money really worth this? 

I learn more about people from the people they associate with so don't forget you are know by the friends (or business) you keep whether it accurately reflects you or not.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Is money really worth this?
> 
> I learn more about people from the people they associate with so don't forget you are know by the friends you keep whether it accurately reflects you or not, the stench of perception will linger.



Yes, it's called "guilty by association".:iagree:


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

scared99 said:


> I am the only one who knows all the details. I cannot get another job without taking a huuuuge hit. We were friends before we started working together and just recently he became my boss. He usually brags to me after he meets her. We all went to college together so I know his affair partner as well.


PM me I'll tell you how I handled an issue just like this.


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## scared99 (Jan 1, 2018)

I get it... I knew and didn't do anything. Trust me the thought always was in my mind but I never really was motivated enough to do it until it happened to me and once he got promoted ahead of me it killed any chance of my outing him... I know the right thing to do is tell his wife and want to. I thought about letting his affair partners husband know that maybe he should snoop around and hope it blows up that way.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

scared99 said:


> Ok... One of my friends ( *he's also my boss*) is currently married to a great woman . Over the years he has cheated on her with countless females. He is now carrying on an affair with another woman for 3 years. Using alternate email addresses.. claiming he's going out of town for work and meeting her. His affair partner is also married and her husband doesn't have a clue. *He loves bragging to me about this and pretty much i am the only one who knows.*
> 
> .....Before I just ignored him and thought what a scumbag but after going thru what I went thru I feel for his wife and think she should know. I am trying to find ways to out his affair without it getting back to me ( because he is also my boss at work) *any thoughts ?* I am not too concerned about our friendship... he's pretty much a sociopath with no regard for anyone else *but am worried about my job*.


In this day and age of sexual harassment and hostile work environment litigation, you should just be able to tell him that you feel uncomfortable when he discusses his affair with you. Tell him that you value his friendship and your job and working relationship, but that because you value marriage it really makes you uncomfortable knowing about what he is doing. He should be able to put together the clues. 

If he doesn't at least tell him that if you don't know about his affair or current weekly plans then if asked by his wife or someone you can't spill the beans, so to speak. 

Good luck.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Call his wife, and tell her. Let her know that your job is on the line, but you could not let this slide. Say that you would appreciate it if she hired a PI, and let him get the goods on her husband. That way, you only turned her in the right direction. Is there anything about this that can be transmitted to HR? That would be the best way out of this, if the AP works for the company, he could be on his way out. Even better, let her AP's husband in on it, let him end it. Once again, ask him for complete anonymity. That way, this ends, and with any luck, it cannot be traced back to you.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Would you say the workplace is a hostile environment, having to listen to your boss' constant brags? Maybe you are afraid to even ask him to stop telling you about it or else he will take it out on you? What do you think?

If I were going to take that tact, I would get an attorney to handle it.

If you are friends with his wife, then you could bring that up, too. How offensive that you have to be like an accomplice, and why should you have to remain silent.

It is a path you could explore.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

If this guy crashes and burns what happens to the business. I mean like sexual harassment suit, his wife finds out and divorces him, something like that.


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