# Trying to Find Strength



## GrantMeSerenity (9 mo ago)

Hello. I'm in my early 40's and my husband of 16 years has essentially faded out of my life (we don't have kids). I'm heartbroken and trying to find the strength to get through this.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

GrantMeSerenity said:


> Hello. I'm in my early 40's and my husband of 16 years has essentially faded out of my life (we don't have kids). I'm heartbroken and trying to find the strength to get through this.


Please give us more information. We'll try to help. How have things been the last five years, for example?


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

GrantMeSerenity said:


> Hello. I'm in my early 40's and my husband of 16 years has essentially faded out of my life (we don't have kids). I'm heartbroken and trying to find the strength to get through this.


You need to define what 'faded out of my life' means. We need more information to help you.


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## GrantMeSerenity (9 mo ago)

He was always very affectionate, texting me all throughout the day, always wanting to touch physically. About a year ago, he just changed. Stopped texting me, stopped saying "I love you," stopped cuddling. He just checked out. Wanted to do everything by himself, even avoiding his friends. In the fall, he got an apartment near the big city because it was closer for his work (which it was) but he said he would still come on weekends, etc. After the holidays, he stopped coming home. No we are barely speaking. He has been unfaithful in the past, so yes, I fully realize that could be going on again. He has talked about going through a mid life crises. He has said that he sees me as a good friend but doesn't feel romantic towards me. He feels like we don't share enough interests together. He's also said that he's spent his whole life making other people happy (his parents are a real piece of work and he's an only child) and he doesn't want to compromise anymore. He says he knows he's emotionally immature, selfish and lack empathy.

Neither of us have officially filed anything yet, but it's over and I'm still coming to terms with it. My heart and head are in a constant battle.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Sorry that you find yourself in such predicament. It must be hard.

Now, time to also face reality and be ready fo it, or at least start preparing for it.
First order of business for you should be retaining a lawyer to draw your divorce papers, and have him served ASAP. If that doesn't shake, and shock him, then you have your answer. DIVORCE, and go on with your life, the sooner the better.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Listen to your head in this.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

He got an apartment away from you. That's more than fading out. That's running away without filing. 

Have you ever been to this bachelor pad? Do you have keys? Can you come & go as you please? How often do you stay there? If it's not your apartment too, it's his love nest.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

I’m in the same shoes. Let your head win! 10% of me wants them back (my heart) and 90% my head is saying run! It’s a roller coaster of emotions! Each day you will get stronger! It will be hard for a while, but you can do it. I’ve played this is my fight song on repeat and it lifts me up. Journaling has been a god send. Anytime I’m going to cry I head to my journal. Counseling has helped too.


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## GrantMeSerenity (9 mo ago)

Thank you everyone. I need to hear the no nonsense. Today was a better day. I finally decided that if he isn't going to care about me or our relationship, then why should I? So I'm working to slog through the grief. It's over. I know that.


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## GrantMeSerenity (9 mo ago)

I should add that I have a great support network where I am and that is helping tremendously.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It sounds like you’re going in the right direction, and it probably does feel like a grieving process. It’s easy for me to read these stories and say “leave ASAP,” but I’m not in your shoes, emotionally invested. I think you need to accept that he has moved on without you, and you truly deserve to be treated better.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

GrantMeSerenity said:


> About a year ago, he just changed. Stopped texting me, stopped saying "I love you," stopped cuddling. He just checked out. Wanted to do everything by himself, even avoiding his friends. In the fall, he got an apartment near the big city because it was closer for his work (which it was) but he said he would still come on weekends, etc. After the holidays, he stopped coming home. No we are barely speaking. He has been unfaithful in the past, so yes, I fully realize that could be going on again. He has talked about going through a mid life crises.
> 
> 
> He has said that he sees me as a good friend but doesn't feel romantic towards me. He feels like we don't share enough interests together. He's also said that he's spent his whole life making other people happy (his parents are a real piece of work and he's an only child) and he doesn't want to compromise anymore. He says he knows he's emotionally immature, selfish and lack empathy.


He sounds like a cheating wife.


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