# Wifes previous anal sex and my jealousy



## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

First time post here so I appologize if I don't know all the lingo quite yet. I found this messege board after googling a question about sex in marriage, and after reading multiple threads it really seemed like a mature environment that I could turn to for opinions on my sex life from both males and females.

A little backstory: I am 27 years old, my wife is 25 years old. We just had our first child 6 months ago. Pre-pregnancy we had sex 3-4 times a week and lately it has been once every two weeks to once a week. We have been married for three and a half years and dated for roughly 2 years prior to getting married.

The current issue I'm having anxiety over is the fact that my wife has tried anal sex in her last relationship but refuses to try it with me. I have never tried it. I read multiple topics over anal sex today on these forums and it brought the whole issue back into focus. I asked her about trying it a couple of years ago and she said she didn't want to try it. I didn't really care, but after I found out she has tried it before I find myself extremely jealous and almost feel like she loves him more, or cheated on because she was willing to try anal sex with someone else but not me. I'm not typically a jealous person. I don't care that she has male friends, and I trust that she would never cheat on me.

This one issue is making me sick to my stomach. I knew very well that both of us had our previous relationships and sexual encounters before meeting and I'm fine with that. I just can't bare to think that she was willing to try something with someone else that she will not do with me. Any advice on either:

A- getting her to try it
B- dealing with the fact that she was willing to with someone else

The only reason she has given me so far was that it hurt when she tried it previously.

Thanks,


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

So maybe because she just didn't like it? You got your answer.

I ate Brussels sprouts once for my soon-to-be ex, but I wouldn't eat them again for anyone else no matter how strong our love might be.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

She probably didn't like it so doesn't want to try it again. Also, if she gave birth vaginally, her pelvic floor could be kind of beat up which would make it even worse than before. You should try to let it go.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Covertx said:


> The only reason she has given me so far was that it hurt when she tried it previously.


So you think that the fact that it hurt her is not a good enough reason for her to not want to do it again? Really?

You want to try to talk her into doing something that she says hurts her enough that she does not want to do it again?

Do you even really care for this woman? Seems that if you did you would not be trying to do something to do that hurts you... all to fill your own curiosity.

Get over it....


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## serenity10 (Feb 3, 2012)

I agree obviously she didn't like it or didn't feel comfortable with it. She had a baby 6 months ago that is monopolizing all her time and when that baby sleeps no doubt she wants to also. Have you ever thought that she senses your frustration with the anal sex topic that she feels regular sex isn't good enough for you.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

You should tell her exactly what you just wrote.

Do it in an adult way, explain how you feel, and then listen carefuly to what she says.

Talk like adults, act like adults, and maybe she will see something that she can trust.

Think how much trust it would take for you to do what you are asking her to do.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> So you think that the fact that it hurt her is not a good enough reason for her to not want to do it again? Really?
> 
> You want to try to talk her into doing something that she says hurts her enough that she does not want to do it again?
> 
> ...


Wow, lighten up a little.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

serenity10 said:


> I agree obviously she didn't like it or didn't feel comfortable with it. She had a baby 6 months ago that is monopolizing all her time and when that baby sleeps no doubt she wants to also. Have you ever thought that she senses your frustration with the anal sex topic that she feels regular sex isn't good enough for you.


Today was the first time I have brought the issue up in years. Her current low sex drive has nothing to do with this issue. Like I've said we had a baby 6 months ago and her priorities are elsewhere. I have no problems with it. Of course I care about my wife. However I feel that she could at least make an attempt before writing it off all together. I was talking to a coworker that said she hated anal sex with her first husband, however tried it with her current boyfriend and loved it. She said although the men were of similar size that it didn't hurt with her current boyfriend because of his gentleness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Wow, lighten up a little.


What? She told him the problem. It's a serious issue.. it hurts. And he burshes it off as though it's nothing.

I have the same issue she does. I've tried it. Actually liked it until I ended up with a fissure that has not healed in 40 years... even with medical care. Some people can tolerate anal sex, others cannot. His pushing her to do something that she says hurts her is a bad sign about him


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What? She told him the problem. It's a serious issue.. it hurts. And he burshes it off as though it's nothing.
> 
> I have the same issue she does. I've tried it. Actually liked it until I ended up with a fissure that has not healed in 40 years... even with medical care. Some people can tolerate anal sex, others cannot. His pushing her to do something that she says hurts her is a bad sign about him


Your not wrong. I loathe people that try to force others into their will. It may very well be that I am just going to have to live with this resentment the rest of my life. I just know that anything she has asked of me sexually, I've at least come to a middle ground on. I've never denied her any of her sexual fantasies outright. Couple that with the jealousy and that's just the mood I'm in at the moment. If we started and she said it hurt before it happened I wouldn't mention anal again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Covertx said:


> Your not wrong. I loathe people that try to force others into their will. It may very well be that I am just going to have to live with this resentment the rest of my life. I just know that anything she has asked of me sexually, I've at least come to a middle ground on. I've never denied her any of her sexual fantasies outright. Couple that with the jealousy and that's just the mood I'm in at the moment. If we started and she said it hurt before it happened I wouldn't mention anal again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are going to have to trust her on this. She knows what she felt and how painful it was. If you hold this against her you are not being fair with her at all.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i agree with the others on this issue.

what do you consider middle ground on anal sex?
finger?
tongue?
have you made these offers to her as middle ground?

would you be happy with middle ground on this or if she consented to one of these, would you then push harder for straight up anal sex?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I can see both sides of this issue.

From your wife's side, she's tried it and it hurt. So why try it again? If you let a prior girlfriend bash you in the nuts with a ball peen hammer, once is probably your limit. If your wife then said she was jealous and she really wants a go with the hammer, you would probably decline. It wouldn't mean you don't love your wife.

From your side, you're territorial and another man has been somewhere you haven't. You're instinctually jealous and hurt. I get it.

So, you can either let it go for fear of physically hurting your wife, or you can tell her that it's just driving you nuts, and why. Go online and print out ten pages of clinical how-to for doing it right. Buy her some desensitizing cream to ease her potential discomfort. See what she says.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> I can see both sides of this issue.
> 
> From your wife's side, she's tried it and it hurt. So why try it again? If you let a prior girlfriend bash you in the nuts with a ball peen hammer, once is probably your limit. If your wife then said she was jealous and she really wants a go with the hammer, you would probably decline. It wouldn't mean you don't love your wife.
> 
> ...


Thank you! Your post helped bring things into perspective for me. I don't know how I'm going to proceed but this helped me think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## duckfeet (Jan 7, 2012)

Ok, time for some bluntness here. You say you have compromised on things she wanted to do, did any of those things hurt you or make you uncomfortable?? You didn't give in fully to what she wanted to do?? Then why should she?

Have you considered that maybe her previous experience with anal was a spur the moment thing, not something she planned on and really wanted to do? Have you ever considered that maybe she thought differently of the guy after the anal and she doesn't want to feel that way towards you?? 

Anal hurts. PERIOD. It can go wrong very easily, would you want to hurt your wife like that? Is your own personal gratification more important than your wife's well being?? 

Have you ever thought about the physical harm it can cause? Anal fissures, loss of anal tone, etc. 

Lastly ask yourself this, if your wife came up to you and said I want to stick a vibrator up your butt, would you be ok with it?? Or would your cheeks clench a bit? And then what if she just kept hanging on to it and resented you for it. 

You need a reality check on this one, your wife is saying she doesn't want to do it, don't force her or keep pushing the issue, otherwise she'll resent you for being such an insensitive ass.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

I read carefully what CovertX wrote, and there was no 'forcing', insisting, pressure, or anything else. He also got some negative reinforcement from some folks here... could it be that they found his desires distasteful, immoral? I read some 'baggage' in the answers.

I've got something similar going, my wife was so sensitive about her ex's feelings that she took 100% of the responsibility for birth control, even having abortions rather than make him wear condoms. They had a child which was the result of this policy. 

I put the child through college. The ex even skipped out on child support. But I have to wear condoms even though I dislike them... and bear 100% of the responsibility (in many areas). Of course I'm jealous... 

It's all quite complex. Even talking about it may be uncomfortable for her and might be counterproductive 

If I were in your position, I'd forget about entering her there for the time being, and rim her gently, lovingly, for a long time. Give her an orgasm with your hands whilst you do. Love her ass as you love her. Maybe you'll get somewhere, maybe not... but it's probably your best bet.

'Where the mind goes, the ass follows.'


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

duckfeet said:


> Ok, time for some bluntness here. You say you have compromised on things she wanted to do, did any of those things hurt you or make you uncomfortable?? You didn't give in fully to what she wanted to do?? Then why should she?
> 
> Have you considered that maybe her previous experience with anal was a spur the moment thing, not something she planned on and really wanted to do? Have you ever considered that maybe she thought differently of the guy after the anal and she doesn't want to feel that way towards you??
> 
> ...


She wanted me to slap her, choke her, bite and other bondage type acts and after some discussion I agreed to try it although I didn't follow through with the choking as hard as she wanted.

Again I don't want to hurt my wife, I honestly have never even heard of an anal fissure. I also do not want my wife to resent me or consider me an insensitive ass, however I am consumed with resentment for her right now and jealousy. Honestly if she asked to put a vibrator in my ass I would at least try it once, although I would at first be hesitant and I would be concerned it would make her question my manhood/sexuality. 

Maybe my reaction to my wife dismissing my desires isn't fair. It's how I feel though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## duckfeet (Jan 7, 2012)

I can totally understand where you are coming from, I guess I just don't agree with the resentment part. 

Anal sex is a VERY big deal to a LOT of women. To be done safely both partners really need to read about it and talk about it openly.
You can even inadvertently tear the colon and that can cause major issues. So it shouldn't be taken lightly at all.

Even if the man is gentle during it can still be really uncomfortable afterwards, for days. The anus has been stretched out and it loses some of its tone, and it takes a while for that tone to return. 

Maybe she just doesn't see it the way you see it. It sounds like you are upset because you feel like she doesn't love you enough to try it, but does she know that? Maybe just talked to her about it openly and lovingly and tell her that you feel that way, maybe she will agree to it to show her love for you. If there are any trust issues in your marriage fix those before hand because if you don't you will get nowhere. Anal takes a lot of trust, it also takes being able to communicate well and openly. If you can't talk openly about it now then I wouldn't even try it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Covertx said:


> She wanted me to slap her, choke her, bite and other bondage type acts and after some discussion I agreed to try it although I didn't follow through with the choking as hard as she wanted.
> 
> Again I don't want to hurt my wife, I honestly have never even heard of an anal fissure. I also do not want my wife to resent me or consider me an insensitive ass, however I am consumed with resentment for her right now and jealousy. Honestly if she asked to put a vibrator in my ass I would at least try it once, although I would at first be hesitant and I would be concerned it would make her question my manhood/sexuality.
> 
> ...


Well, maybe you should try the vibrator in your ass thing. You might learn what she is concerned about.

Have you ever thought that maybe you wanting to try anal on her might also make her question your manhood/sexuality?


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Covertx said:


> She wanted me to slap her, choke her, bite and other bondage type acts and after some discussion I agreed to try it although I didn't follow through with the choking as hard as she wanted.
> 
> Again I don't want to hurt my wife, I honestly have never even heard of an anal fissure. I also do not want my wife to resent me or consider me an insensitive ass, however I am consumed with resentment for her right now and jealousy. Honestly if she asked to put a vibrator in my ass I would at least try it once, although I would at first be hesitant and I would be concerned it would make her question my manhood/sexuality.
> 
> ...


Wow, unbelievable... It seems like you don't care that your wife said it hurts... All that matters is what you want regardless of the pain it could cause her.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

abandonedcompletely said:


> Wow, unbelievable... It seems like you don't care that your wife said it hurts... All that matters is what you want regardless of the pain it could cause her.


There must be some automatic translation service you're using to twist the op's words to mean what you want them to because that's not what I got out of that at all...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think if she has told you she doesn't like it and it hurts, you need to respect that.

Trying to convince her otherwise and acting jealous she had this experience previous to you and saying she gave a part of herself to someone else and how sad mad angry you are about it is ridiculous, IMO. She has a past, just as you do.

If you told her you didn't like something because it caused your HARM/HURT, how would you feel if she continued to get angry/upset and tried to convince you otherwise? 

How about respecting someone's feelings?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Covertx said:


> She wanted me to slap her, choke her, bite and other bondage type acts and after some discussion I agreed to try it although I didn't follow through with the choking as hard as she wanted.]


Irrelevant. Apples and oranges. Don't try to take other things she's wanted to do and compare it with someone else entirely of which she has told you *she does NOT want to do. *



Covertx said:


> Maybe my reaction to *my wife dismissing my desires *isn't fair. It's how I feel though.


There is so much I could say here..... your post comes across as incredibly selfish. MY desires. I don't care if it hurts HER. I am pissed off she did this with someone else. I am pissed off she says it's hurts despite me wanting to do this. Screw how she says it HURTS her--I just want to do it to fulfill MY desires.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I think the main issue here is not your wife's objections to anal sex or your resentment of that. I think it's your jealousy of your wife sharing an experience with somebody else that she won't share with you.

I'm going to address this from a slightly different perspective. Instead of obsessing over the anal sex, are there any other secret fantasies that you've had that she doesn't know about which you could pursue? Clearly, if she's done anal before and asked for rough sex from you, you're playing on a more experimental level than I am. 

For example, if you're interested in anal sex, would you be willing to be on the receiving end of it with a strap on or some other toy? Or have you ever been interested in secret public sex, or something along those lines. If there is some activity the two of you could share together and be confident that she has and would not ever do with another man, maybe that could help you with your jealousy over the other man and make your relationship with her more intimate at the same time.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

It's so funny, a lot of the people posting here saying how dispicable you are for this feeling, are the same people that preach "...marriage is about being selfless and doing for your partner, regardless of..." I'm indifferent on the anal thing, but I just find the responses amusing. Just continue doing what your wife wants, maybe when she gets the selfless memo, she'll do it. 
Oh, and for the hurt part, how does she know it will hurt with him, experiences with different partners can produce different effects and results. try it once, if it still hurts, then its a none issue. Although, that ball peen hammer analogy would have been a hell no from the get go. hypocritical, ehhh, sure.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Irrelevant. Apples and oranges. Don't try to take other things she's wanted to do and compare it with someone else entirely of which she has told you *she does NOT want to do. *
> 
> 
> 
> There is so much I could say here..... your post comes across as incredibly selfish. MY desires. I don't care if it hurts HER. I am pissed off she did this with someone else. I am pissed off she says it's hurts despite me wanting to do this. Screw how she says it HURTS her--I just want to do it to fulfill MY desires.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I think the main issue here is not your wife's objections to anal sex or your resentment of that. I think it's your jealousy of your wife sharing an experience with somebody else that she won't share with you.
> 
> I'm going to address this from a slightly different perspective. Instead of obsessing over the anal sex, are there any other secret fantasies that you've had that she doesn't know about which you could pursue? Clearly, if she's done anal before and asked for rough sex from you, you're playing on a more experimental level than I am.
> 
> For example, if you're interested in anal sex, would you be willing to be on the receiving end of it with a strap on or some other toy? Or have you ever been interested in secret public sex, or something along those lines. If there is some activity the two of you could share together and be confident that she has and would not ever do with another man, maybe that could help you with your jealousy over the other man and make your relationship with her more intimate at the same time.


This is accurate. I care more about the jealousy then actually having anal sex. As far as substituting another sexual fantasy, I really don't see it that way. I don't really have any that I care strongly about. I would have enjoyed trying a threesome before we were married, and she even offered it when we were dating but I was afraid of what it would do to our relationship and declined it. Now I would feel like I'm asking her to let me cheat if I asked for a threesome. Overall in my mind, no sexual action will diminish this situation unfortunately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

mikeydread1982 said:


> It's so funny, a lot of the people posting here saying how dispicable you are for this feeling, are the same people that preach "...marriage is about being selfless and doing for your partner, regardless of..." I'm indifferent on the anal thing, but I just find the responses amusing. Just continue doing what your wife wants, maybe when she gets the selfless memo, she'll do it.
> Oh, and for the hurt part, how does she know it will hurt with him, experiences with different partners can produce different effects and results. try it once, if it still hurts, then its a none issue. Although, that ball peen hammer analogy would have been a hell no from the get go. hypocritical, ehhh, sure.


Agreed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Covertx said:


> I would have enjoyed trying a threesome before we were married, and she even offered it when we were dating but I was afraid of what it would do to our relationship and declined it.


So you were afraid of giving into that because you were worried how you'd feel about that but you are not concerned about your wife hurting? Ok.



Covertx said:


> . Overall in my mind, no sexual action will diminish this situation unfortunately.


Awsome, so why don't you just force her to do something she doesn't want to do that will hurt her. Who cares about her feelings? Or her feeling hurt? She shouldn't care if she feels pain because you want to do something.

Do you treat her this way in other parts of your marriage? Like, whatever you want goes, and if not, you resent her? If she disagrees with you on something, do you keep picking and picking and trying to convince until she gives in, to the detriment of her feelings? All so you can do what you want?

Just


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What? She told him the problem. It's a serious issue.. it hurts. And he burshes it off as though it's nothing.
> 
> I have the same issue she does. I've tried it. Actually liked it until I ended up with a fissure that has not healed in 40 years... even with medical care. Some people can tolerate anal sex, others cannot. His pushing her to do something that she says hurts her is a bad sign about him


His issue was the emotions that he felt. You attacked him for what you read as him being insensitive.

The guy asked a legitimate question, in the proper forum, on the proper website.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah he did. ask a legitimate question. And, as such, he is going to get all kinds of advice/opinions. 

I am with EleGirl. He sounds insensitive. He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> *It's so funny, a lot of the people posting here saying how dispicable you are for this feeling, are the same people that preach "...marriage is about being selfless and doing for your partner, regardless of..."* I'm indifferent on the anal thing, but I just find the responses amusing. Just continue doing what your wife wants, maybe when she gets the selfless memo, she'll do it.
> Oh, and for the hurt part, how does she know it will hurt with him, experiences with different partners can produce different effects and results. try it once, if it still hurts, then its a none issue. Although, that ball peen hammer analogy would have been a hell no from the get go. hypocritical, ehhh, sure.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

But he's a guy. And I'm beginning to see a double standard on this website when talking about ones feelings... 

The ladies were taking umbrage and read all kinds of aggressive behaviour into him... behaviour which was simply not there, if you actually read his writing carefully. 

I've been attacked as well in another thread. 

But if some guy attacked a lady for opening up about her own feelings, he'd be banned right quick I bet!




Mistys dad said:


> His issue was the emotions that he felt. You attacked him for what you read as him being insensitive.
> 
> The guy asked a legitimate question, in the proper forum, on the proper website.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Covertx said:


> This is accurate. *I care more about the jealousy then actually having anal sex*. As far as substituting another sexual fantasy, I really don't see it that way. I don't really have any that I care strongly about. I would have enjoyed trying a threesome before we were married, and she even offered it when we were dating but I was afraid of what it would do to our relationship and declined it. Now I would feel like I'm asking her to let me cheat if I asked for a threesome. Overall in my mind, no sexual action will diminish this situation unfortunately.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Covertx ~

I think Dr. Rockstar nailed it and you confirmed it. It's not so much the anal as it is your jealousy of her having an experience with a prior person that she doesn't want to have with you. I guess you could substitute any other sexual activity that she may have done with someone else, that isn't done with you.

So, you know who has the issue, right? Yah... you are going to have to try and wrangle those jealousies of yours in to control, otherwise they will poison your relationship (looks like it's already starting to happen by your own admission) and turn your wife away.

We have choices in how we react to situations, Covertx. We can let resentments fester and breed inside of us OR we can choose to forgive and let things go.

How do I say this? If your wife sees that you are jealous, and using this particular thing as a barometer of her love for you, then she could end up seeing you as a really weak person and be totally unattracted to that. A strong person overcomes their jealousies and insecurities, they try and overcome resentments and be more forgiving, they try and not use passive aggressive techniques to get their way.

Have you discussed this with your wife? My suggestion would be to be open with your wife, tell her that you feel resentful and upset that she was willing in the past to do things with others that she is unwilling to do with you, and you are struggling with how to move forward. She may surprise you and be willing to try it again at some point. Or she may let you know that it was the most horrible experience she ever had and she doesn't want that kind of memory with you. Listen to her carefully and respectfully.

Ultimately, though, YOU will need to get this jealousy and insecurity under control - it is a problem right now more with you and how you are handling things. If you can't wrangle it yourself, or by frank, open discussion with your wife, then consider getting some IC so that you can learn how/why to get these jealousies and resentments in control and gain a more balanced perspective.

Best wishes.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Zhopa said:


> But he's a guy. And I'm beginning to see a double standard on this website when talking about ones feelings...
> 
> The ladies were taking umbrage and read all kinds of aggressive behaviour into him... behaviour which was simply not there, if you actually read his writing carefully.
> 
> ...




Nope. If a woman came on here posting she wanted her husband to try X and her husband told her he won't do it because it HURTS him and she kept going on and on about how she resented him because he wouldn't try/do something that causes him bodily harm, I would give her the same advice and think she was pretty insensitive for not giving a fvck about his feelings.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah he did. ask a legitimate question. And, as such, he is going to get all kinds of advice/opinions.
> 
> I am with EleGirl. He sounds insensitive. He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants.


Where do you see anything about him not caring if he hurts her?

_"Of course I care about my wife"_
_"I loathe people that try to force others into their will."_
_"Again I don't want to hurt my wife,"_
_"I care more about the jealousy then actually having anal sex."_


Where do you see anything about him being insensitive?

_"Maybe my reaction to my wife dismissing my desires isn't fair. It's how I feel though"_.


The guy has some emotions he is trying to work through and he gets jumped on because of it.

It is not unusual for people to have doubts about what a loved one did with a former lover. His emotions are perfectly reasonable. 

He is asking how to talk to her about what he wants, and if that doesn't help, how to deal with what he is feeling about it.

Stop making him out to be an abuser.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

To each his or her own.
I tried this form of entertainment once with my ex and didn't find it appealing. She implied she didn't, either. Of course, since she was an accomplished liar, I have no way of knowing if she indulged in it with her many other partners during our "relationship".
I dated only one lady who was insistent on anal sex, but she was turned down and we only dated twice so it cost me next to nothing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> He is asking how to talk to her about what he wants, and if that doesn't help, how to deal with what he is feeling about it..


No. He specifically said he wanted advice on *HOW TO GET HER to partake in something she already told him hurts her.* In red below.



Mistys dad said:


> Stop making him out to be an abuser.


Oh please. Nobody said he was an ABUSER. Those are YOUR words. 



Covertx said:


> I asked her about trying it a couple of years ago and *she said she didn't want to try it*.* I didn't really care, but after I found out she has tried it before I find myself extremely jealous and almost feel like she loves him more, or cheated on because she was willing to try anal sex with someone else but not me*
> 
> *This one issue is making me sick to my stomach. *I knew very well that both of us had our previous relationships and sexual encounters before meeting and I'm fine with that. *I just can't bare to think that she was willing to try something with someone else that she will not do with me*
> 
> ...


Apparently that reason isn't GOOD enough for him. 



Covertx said:


> *Again I don't want to hurt my wife*, I honestly have never even heard of an anal fissure. *I also do not want my wife to resent me or consider me an insensitive ass, however I am consumed with resentment for her right now and jealousy. *
> 
> Maybe my reaction to my wife dismissing *my *desires isn't fair.





Covertx said:


> I would have enjoyed trying a threesome before we were married, and she even offered it when we were dating but* I was afraid of what it would do to our relationship and declined it*. Now I would feel like I'm asking her to let me cheat if I asked for a threesome. *Overall in my mind, no sexual action will diminish this situation unfortunately.*


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I would say, if it was something that was only mildly discomforting, eh maybe try talking to her about it. But even as someone who loves anal sex, when it is done wrong, it can be EXTREMELY painful. Plus add in the fact that she just had a baby 6 months ago, odds are she now has hemorrhoids which usually make anal sex more painful. 

I honestly wouldn't push it, because if you do, she will probably become resentful and eventually hate you, and leave you. Yes marriage is about compromise, but I don't think I'd ask my spouse to do something that hurt him, I wouldn't be able to enjoy it if I knew he was in pain.

Edit: Typos, grrr


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Yea, he is trying to deal with the emotions of what she did with a former boyfriend.

Where does it say he doesn't care if he hurts her?

The second post you highlight the "However", yet you didn't even read the context. It is "however, I still have these emotions". What is abusive about having those emotions?

Your third quote is also completely out of context. The point in that quote was about fulfilling other fantasies. You left this part out: 

*" As far as substituting another sexual fantasy, I really don't see it that way. I don't really have any that I care strongly about."*I would have enjoyed trying a threesome before we were married, and she even offered it when we were dating but I was afraid of what it would do to our relationship and declined it. Now I would feel like I'm asking her to let me cheat if I asked for a threesome. Overall in my mind, no sexual action will diminish this situation unfortunately.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Now comes the big red letters.

Here is his question:

Any advise on:

A: Getting her to try it?

Oh my God, he's asking for advise on how to approach his wife about sex in his marriage, in the "Sex in Marriage" forum, on the "Talk about marriage" website.

Quick. Release the hounds! Get him!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Where does it say he doesn't care if he hurts her?
> 
> The second post you highlight the "However", yet you didn't even read the context. It is "however, I still have these emotions". What is abusive about having those emotions?.


Why do you keep citing the word ABUSE? You have said it twice now. 

My quotes show a direct example of how he is saying the end point is that he's not down with her saying it hurts her. He wants to experience it despite how she feels about it. 

The bottom line is he wants her to do something she has told him this HURTS her. The mere fact he wants to try to convince her to partake in something he has already said causes her pain/harm/hurt means he does not care, ultimately, about how she feels since he's trying to find ways to work around it.

That is where the insensitivity is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Now comes the big red letters.
> 
> Here is his question:
> 
> ...


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Now comes the big red letters.
> 
> Here is his question:
> 
> ...



OMG, He's asking his wife to perform a sexual act which has caused her pain in the past. 

Sorry, I don't find him acting in a caring manner towards his wife. 

It's as if he doesn't care it has caused her pain, he wants what he wants. He wants her to please him at the expense of her having pain. I don't find that to be loving at all. 

It seems he (op) is more concerned about his ego than his wife's feelings.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

You said he doesn't care if he hurts his wife, he just wants what he wants.

That is the definition of abuse.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah he did. ask a legitimate question. And, as such, he is going to get all kinds of advice/opinions.
> 
> I am with EleGirl. He sounds insensitive. He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants.


How do you know it's going to hurt her. If you read my posts, we have never attempted anal sex. It's not as if we got close but it hurt her and now I'm demanding she continue trying it and to ignore the pain. She hasn't tried it with me. No one knows for a fact if it would hurt or not. I'm upset that she isn't willing to try.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> You said he doesn't care if he hurts his wife, he just wants what he wants.
> 
> That is the definition of abuse.


Then so be it... If he doesn't care that it would cause her pain, what is someone to make of it...especially his wife?


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

abandonedcompletely said:


> OMG, He's asking his wife to perform a sexual act which has caused her pain in the past.
> 
> Sorry, I don't find him acting in a caring manner towards his wife.
> 
> ...


He is asking how to approach his wife. He also stated that he does not want to force her. This is a forum about advise. There have been tons of other posts about exactly the same subject and there was advise given about how to approach in an open, communicative and gentle way.

He also stated that if it didn't happen, he wanted advise on how to deal with the emotions he was feeling. What is so wrong with that?


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Covertx said:


> How do you know it's going to hurt her. If you read my posts, we have never attempted anal sex. It's not as if we got close but it hurt her and now I'm demanding she continue trying it and to ignore the pain. She hasn't tried it with me. No one knows for a fact if it would hurt or not. I'm upset that she isn't willing to try.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She tried it once, though not with you... The fact is, it hurt her. What more do you need her to say??? If it hurts, it hurts... sheesh!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> You said he doesn't care if he hurts his wife, he just wants what he wants.
> 
> That is the definition of abuse.


Round and round you go. This is the third time you have brought up "ABUSE/abusive," now definining it in your own terms trying to say people are making him out to be "abusive/abuse" -- again, YOUR words.

Do not at all put words in my mouth.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

abandonedcompletely said:


> OMG, He's asking his wife to perform a sexual act which has caused her pain in the past.
> 
> Sorry, I don't find him acting in a caring manner towards his wife.
> 
> ...


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: 

God forbid this woman tell her she had an experience with something that caused her harm and pain and she states a boundary!


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

*He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants.*
Those are your words.

Split that hair a little more if you want.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> God forbid this woman tell her she had an experience with something that caused her harm and pain and she states a boundary!


And God forbid someone comes here and asks for advise.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Covertx said:


> How do you know it's going to hurt her. If you read my posts, we have never attempted anal sex. It's not as if we got close but it hurt her and now I'm demanding she continue trying it and to ignore the pain. She hasn't tried it with me. No one knows for a fact if it would hurt or not. I'm upset that she isn't willing to try.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And I get that you are upset she isn't willing to try it with you. You should also take into account WHY she won't try it with you.

The fact is, it's a boundary that she has stated. So either you respect her boundary or you don't.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> *He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants.*
> Those are your words.
> 
> Split that hair a little more if you want.


Where is the word ABUSE or ABUSIVE in my bolded post above? Once you find it, please copy/paste it for me so I can see. Because you continue insisting I've said he is abusive/an abuser when those words are nowhere in my posts. 

Split that hair a little more if you want. 



Mistys dad said:


> And God forbid someone comes here and asks for advise.


And God forbid someone responds to a post on an open forum.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

I want to thank those that have made suggestions, presented different views, or given advice on how I can deal with my feelings concerning my original topic. Many of these comments have made me come to the decision that I am just going to drop the issue and not bring it up any further. I will always hold resentment because of this issue and you can all tell me I'm wrong for doing so, but it's an emotion. I have always felt people have the right and the choice to do with their bodies as they see fit. I have no desire and would receive no gratification if my wife even came to me today and offered to have anal sex after her initial dismissal of my concerns. I hope that I'm able to move on and not let it affect our sex life, however I'm fearful that it will. I have less then no desire to ever try anything sexually that I'm not enthused about myself regardless of her desires. Maybe this will dissipate as time moves on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Where is the word ABUSE or ABUSIVE in my bolded post above? Once you find it, please copy/paste it for me so I can see. Because you continue insisting I've said he is abusive/an abuser when those words are nowhere in my posts.
> 
> Split that hair a little more if you want.


*He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants*

So you don't feel that somebody hurting their wife and not caring doesn't mean abuse? Even using caps lock on HURTing for emphasis.

OK?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Cover--you have a right to your feelings. So if I were you I would openly tell her how you FEEL w/o trying to convince her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Marriage is about communication. You could tell her how you feel cheated/upset she shared an experience w/ someone else and not you. There is nothing wrong with that. What's wrong is trying to convince her that her feelings on the subject about her feeling hurt are wrong. Just as if she tried to convince you that your emotions are wrong to feel upset she shared an experience with someone that wasn't you.

Basically, empathy is what you both need. 

You: I can understand why you wouldn't try to try it because it caused you hurt/harm/pain.

Her: I can understand why you feel slighted that we have never had that experience together.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> So you don't feel that somebody hurting their wife and not caring doesn't mean abuse?
> 
> OK?


Blah blah blah blah blah. You are throwing around the ABUSE and ABUSIVE terms and trying to put them in my mouth which I really don't appreciate. It's ridiculous.

I see you still haven't been able to find where I said he was being "abusive" or this was "abuse." Again, those are your words. Not mine. 

I am done with having this tit-for-tat with you.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> *He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants*
> 
> So you don't feel that somebody hurting their wife and not caring doesn't mean abuse? Even using caps lock on HURTing for emphasis.
> 
> OK?


Why are you all still talking about abuse? I've never forced my wife to do anything. Actually the fact that I feel like I would have to force the issue turns me off completely to it. Maybe it's my fault for not portraying an accurate picture in my OP but I wanted to clarify I am not an abusive person/husband/lover.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Cover--you have a right to your feelings. So if I were you I would openly tell her how you FEEL w/o trying to convince her to do something she doesn't want to do.
> 
> Marriage is about communication. You could tell her how you feel cheated/upset she shared an experience w/ someone else and not you. There is nothing wrong with that. What's wrong is trying to convince her that her feelings on the subject about her feeling hurt are wrong. Just as if she tried to convince you that you were wrong to feel upset she shared an experience with someone else did not cause you hurt.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Covertx said:


> Why are you all still talking about abuse? I've never forced my wife to do anything. Actually the fact that I feel like I would have to force the issue turns me off completely to it. Maybe it's my fault for not portraying an accurate picture in my OP but I wanted to clarify I am not an abusive person/husband/lover.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Please go back and read my posts.

You are misunderstanding what I wrote. The highlighted area is a quote from Jellybeans.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Covertx said:


> Why are you all still talking about abuse?



Thank you! 



Covertx said:


> I wanted to clarify I am not an abusive person/husband/lover.


and for the record, nobody here said you were "abusive."


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Blah blah blah blah blah. You are throwing around the ABUSE and ABUSIVE terms and trying to put them in my mouth which I really don't appreciate. It's ridiculous.
> 
> I see you still haven't been able to find where I said he was being "abusive" or this was "abuse." Again, those are your words. Not mine.
> 
> I am done with having this tit-for-tat with you.


I never said, that you said it.

Please stop putting words in my mouth.

Have a nice day playing with the tits and tats.


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## worldwide (Jul 14, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

Any woman that had anal sex with me when I was 22 years old was in for a horrible painful experience. I would hate to think that a wife is not trying it with her husband based on something that happened in my parent's basement 20 years ago (for example).

At the risk of sounding insensitive, why not try again and agree to stop at the first hint of pain? Nothing I have read from the OP indicates to me that he is the uncaring jerk some are making him out to be.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> You: I can understand why you wouldn't try to try it because it caused you hurt/harm/pain.
> 
> Her: I can understand why you feel slighted that we have never had that experience together.


I don't understand, I don't know that it would actually hurt her. I know that she knows that I feel slighted. I also know that she wasn't willing to do anything about it. So I'm not going to have that conversation with her. I feel no empathy, i only feel betrayal, jealousy, and resentment. I'm just going to drop it. Like I said, I don't even want to do it anymore because it would feel forced instead of my wife lovingly wanting to erase a concern I had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> Please go back and read my posts.
> 
> You are misunderstanding what I wrote. The highlighted area is a quote from Jellybeans.


I'm sorry. In my haste I posted "you", I revised this to "you all" shortly after.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Fellas, let's put this into terms they can understand. Let's just say, hypothetically, that your man tells you "Look honey, I won't be emotionally available or romantic with you because the last woman I was with, I did all those things, and she hurt me. I still expect you to do all the same things you would normally do, I just won't do that for you." 

Now step back gentlemen, and watch the sky fall.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> Fellas, let's put this into terms they can understand. Let's just say, hypothetically, that your man tells you "Look honey, I won't be emotionally available or romantic with you because the last woman I was with, I did all those things, and she hurt me. I still expect you to do all the same things you would normally do, I just won't do that for you."
> 
> Now step back gentlemen, and watch the sky fall.


The wolf pack will be along momentarily to rip you to shreds, please stand by.

(elevator music in the background)


:whip:


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> The wolf pack will be along momentarily to rip you to shreds, please stand by.
> 
> (elevator music in the background)
> 
> ...


:lol::lol::rofl::rofl::iagree::iagree:


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## Feta (Jun 15, 2011)

The idea that anyone would have a blanket policy that if something hurt you once, you should never try it again and shame on anyone for asking you to try, is absurd. All marriages would be doomed if husbands and wives took this advice. It's selfish and unproductive on the part of the person who was hurt. On the other hand, that does not mean you do the opposite and do whatever the hell you want, when you want. That too would be selfish and unproductive. Like everything in life there is middle ground and it's up to each couple to figure out what works for them and that could include painful anal sex to don't even look at my ass. 

To further prove my point, If one time I was doing the dishes, I dropped a sharp knife onto my foot, causing severe damage, would it be reasonable for me to say, I'm never doing the dishes again? Of course not! Yet that is what you guys are saying. I just don't see why it would be unreasonable for them to take it slow, with a mountain of lube and make sure no one gets hurt and stop and the first sign of pain. From everything the OP has said, I have not got the sense that once he starts he's not going to stop because he's got something to prove and damn her and her feeling.

It's hard to understand why people would be so harsh and yet think they are helping anyone! There's a time to be harsh and give it to someone and this is not it. If you can't evaluate those times, then maybe you should not be giving "advice" it just makes you seem petty and bitter. 

I wish you well, good luck.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I think there could be two other things to think about as well. First, the possibility that her last experience was done incorrectly. If her prior boyfriend didn't use lube, well then it would have hurt her. That doesn't mean that her husband, using lube, taking his time, and being gentle, wouldn't be pleasurable. Second, physical pain doesn't seem to be that big of a negative for her. She has asked her husband to choke, bite, and beat her while they're having sex. It does seem a little odd that she then states she wants to avoid pain with anal sex.

As a possible strategy, I would suggest a more insistent, less planned approach. Since his wife wants to be physically dominated, it may be possible that it turns her off for her husband to ask permission ahead of time for a certain act. Maybe, when they're mid-coitus, if he just takes charge and announces what he's about to do, as if she doesn't have much choice, she'll enjoy it more. Of course, if she balks, then he should stop. But she may just not want to be in charge of the decision.

As for the linguistics debate, of whether a man who wants to hurt his wife can be said to want to abuse her, or not, I say it's a distinction without a difference. Of course, if jellybean can define abuse so that hurting one's wife is excluded, I would be interested to hear it.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> I think there could be two other things to think about as well. First, the possibility that her last experience was done incorrectly. If her prior boyfriend didn't use lube, well then it would have hurt her. That doesn't mean that her husband, using lube, taking his time, and being gentle, wouldn't be pleasurable. *Second, physical pain doesn't seem to be that big of a negative for her. She has asked her husband to choke, bite, and beat her while they're having sex. It does seem a little odd that she then states she wants to avoid pain with anal sex.*As a possible strategy, I would suggest a more insistent, less planned approach. Since his wife wants to be physically dominated, it may be possible that it turns her off for her husband to ask permission ahead of time for a certain act. Maybe, when they're mid-coitus, if he just takes charge and announces what he's about to do, as if she doesn't have much choice, she'll enjoy it more. Of course, if she balks, then he should stop. But she may just not want to be in charge of the decision.
> 
> As for the linguistics debate, of whether a man who wants to hurt his wife can be said to want to abuse her, or not, I say it's a distinction without a difference. Of course, if jellybean can define abuse so that hurting one's wife is excluded, I would be interested to hear it.


I was going to say this, but that would make the argument too easy.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> Fellas, let's put this into terms they can understand. Let's just say, hypothetically, that your man tells you "Look honey, I won't be emotionally available or romantic with you because the last woman I was with, I did all those things, and she hurt me. I still expect you to do all the same things you would normally do, I just won't do that for you."
> 
> Now step back gentlemen, and watch the sky fall.


Holy crap.
Worst. Analogy. Ever.

This shouldn't be so difficult. She doesn't want to do it because she finds the act painful. Nobody should be required to endure physical pain for the sexual satisfaction of another, much less for the sake of another's insecurities (which is, after all, what we're really talking about here).
Why is this even a matter of debate? I understand the OP's frustration, but that's life. 

Curious ... If OP's wife had an urge to shove large dildos up his bum, should he be expected to submit similarly, his feelings be damned? That would be the selfless thing to do, after all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> Holy crap.
> Worst. Analogy. Ever.
> 
> This shouldn't be so difficult. She doesn't want to do it because she finds the act painful. Nobody should be required to endure physical pain for the sexual satisfaction of another, much less for the sake of another's insecurities (which is, after all, what we're really talking about here).
> ...



And you talk about my analogy? THE OP NEVER TRIED STUFF A DILDO UP HIS ARSE BEFORE. Obviously a curiousity existed for her to permit someone else to give it a go. $hit, even if she let him put the tip at the entrance then starts to writhe in pain just to get him off her back. Then, for all intent and purposes she tried in his eyes. Now if he came here saying they tried, it hurt, bada boom bada bing, then the name calling would be justified.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> As for the linguistics debate, of whether a man who wants to hurt his wife can be said to want to abuse her, or not, I say it's a distinction without a difference. Of course, if jellybean can define abuse so that hurting one's wife is excluded, I would be interested to hear it.


Hi PHT, it wasn't a matter of linguistics. It was a matter of a poster trying to put words in my mouth (or screen) that I never said.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Again with the false accusation.

I never said, that you said it.

Here is what you said.

_"He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants._


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Hi PHT, it wasn't a matter of linguistics. It was a matter of a poster trying to put words in my mouth (or screen) that I never said.


I think he was just using a synonym. If I say that I don't have any money, and then you say that I'm broke, I shouldn't indignantly claim that you're trying to put words in my mouth because I never said I was broke. They mean the same thing.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

JB, not caring about hurt implies abuse. So not because you didnt flat out say it, it was inferred.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

your bother rather young i will say. Anyhow your feelings of jealousy are perfectly normal and natural she is withholding a form of section and way you feel the two of you can bond better do to it being uncomfortable for her. To be honest vast majority of men would probably feel jealous and hurt to some degree if their wife was unwilling to try a sexual act she had done with a previous lover. All in all i am not sure how your wife has reacted in part to your hope and desires but i question if she would have feelings of jealousy if you were unwilling to try set say acts whether they be sexual or non sexual on her. 

You need to talk this out and explain were you are coming from tell her how it makes you feel and express that you would at lest like to try it and would like to make her feel comfortable and go slow. Anal sex can be pleasurable for a woman if done correctly if she is turned on you go slow and you both work at it and you use lube and have a good time it can be pleasurable. 

bet of luck


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

As a guy…OK I understand your position and why you feel the way you do to a point. 
My two cents:
If your wife had a baby she may be sleep deprived, post partum whatever …a lot of things. When you have newborn children sometimes us guys need to be a little understanding. This women just has your baby…..cut her slack on many fronts including in the sex department. If you get horny and she is not available……do what you did as a teenager.. You want to table a serious discussion about this till things settle somewhat. Otherwise you run the risk of seeming insensitive not that you are but we only have to go by your post and what you disclose. You will find the responses to somewhat follow gender lines like many issues. 
I really don’t think you should think she love you less than her ex. Sorry but, that is rubbish. It is more likely if you had met her she had this unpleasant experience you would have had that opportunity. Hopefully, you have not let onto the fact that you are jealous of this fact. Your pressure on her to do this since she did for her ex would not resonate well with me if I were a women. 
I dispel the notion that since she has done this and did not like it that you should somehow be forbidden to suggest it again or that the subject be closed forever. It could have been done improperly, without sufficient lubrication she could have been tense…any number of reasons she may have been uncomfortable with it. FWIW I dated a girl that loved it in the butt, it would take a little “work” and time to get it in (google how to do it) but, once I was there she could wake the neighbors if you know what I mean. 
After some time passes with the baby and all you may want to gingerly revisit the topic taking a different approach. There are allot of women who enjoy anal play. Perhaps you could first experiment with a butt plug and see if she likes it before you try inserting your Di#% in there which is likely to be longer and thicker. You may also want to encourage her to play with your backside. It has been said to be very pleasurable for a man. I have yet to do this myself because I have a homophobic issue with it. I am trying to get over it. I think when you drill down into these matters much of the “dislike” of thes things are somewhat psychosomatic and or self-fulfilling prophesies based on our own moral feelings toward certain acts (men and women) depending on upbringing. 

for now enjoy your newborn. This is a great time for you and your wife.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> And you talk about my analogy? THE OP NEVER TRIED STUFF A DILDO UP HIS ARSE BEFORE. Obviously a curiousity existed for her to permit someone else to give it a go. $hit, even if she let him put the tip at the entrance then starts to writhe in pain just to get him off her back. Then, for all intent and purposes she tried in his eyes. Now if he came here saying they tried, it hurt, bada boom bada bing, then the name calling would be justified.


Yep, she had a curiosity, tried it, found it to be painful and wishes not to try it again. 
Are you suggesting that because she tried one time with another guy she somehow owes her husband the same, whether she wants it or not?
She. Does. Not. Want. To.
Why, again, is this a matter of debate? Unless you believe a spouse should be expected to submit to unwanted and potentially painful sexual acts because their partner desires it (in which case you're ****ed in the head) then what's the point of this discussion.
She. Does. Not. Want. To. 

I'm not unsympathetic to OP, and I've never suggested he's a bad guy, much less abusive. But just because he has a hang up about her sexual past doesn't mean she must engage in something which she wishes not to engage, especially in light of the fact her reasoning is absolutely plausible and rational.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

Feta said:


> To further prove my point, If one time I was doing the dishes, I dropped a sharp knife onto my foot, causing severe damage, would it be reasonable for me to say, I'm never doing the dishes again? Of course not! Yet that is what you guys are saying


I sincerely apologize to mikeydread. Clearly he is not the author of the worst analogy ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

I read the OP and frankly have no need to read the 80 some responses.

I will say it in as simple terms as possible..... She said NO. You have a new baby and there are more important things to worry about then stcking your thing in her ass.

How immature to be so damn jealous. 

You people and the obsession with all things sex (and I too love sex as much as the next person).

Respect your wife's decision......


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

isla~mama said:


> She probably didn't like it so doesn't want to try it again. Also, if she gave birth vaginally, her pelvic floor could be kind of beat up which would make it even worse than before. You should try to let it go.


TS this could very likely be the case not only that but she just had a child so ive heard women's desire for sex is very low after having a child for about a year not only that but she might not being feeling as beautiful and is probably tired. Bring your concern to her and do it in adult manner do not try to come off with a hedonistic view and i truly hope for the sake of your marriage neither of you have a hedonistic view of the world let alone indulge in self righteous cause. We know a "me and my pleasure" point of view are all wrong when it becomes your primary concern. See what she has to say about your desire off the bat she is thinking of the pain it causes her understandable and off the bat you are thinking of "set" sexual encounter and sexual act that is rather personal and common in deep relationships your curiosity is rather normal.

Id do what some suggested talk it out and print out like 10 pages and buy some lube, desensitizing cream and put effort into it. Do not nag her about it and do not go "hey i really want anal" talk it out give and take is what a marriage is about you must understand the fact that it hurt her is of her concern so if you wanted any success you would need to show her that it can not hurt if done right.


This should not be something you have resentment about and this should not be something she refuses to hear or talk about as that is a root cause for a argument/failure/anger/jealousy. So talk it out best of luck.




EleGirl said:


> So you think that the fact that it hurt her is not a good enough reason for her to not want to do it again? Really?
> 
> You want to try to talk her into doing something that she says hurts her enough that she does not want to do it again?
> 
> ...


:rofl:

if only things were so simple as you seem to think. You seem almost angry at TS i sense an underlying tone of bitterness and uprooting feelings of resentment do try and keep your anger or rather discontent down. We are all adults here i will refrain form use of acrimony when its seemed fit as have most so to keep down your feelings of animosity towards this set topic being "anal sex" might actually help to solve the OP dilemma instead of your obvious boorishly wordings and tone.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

One thing is inherently obvious in this thread all the almost all the male posters are gung ho and sympathizing with TS and almost all the female posters are adamantly getting defensive some and angry and professing their beliefs which is fine onto TS some even going as far to question his "love" and devotion to his wife which is not in their place to do so. Than again its the internet and TS did bring about the set situation to life so we can all critic. 


I ask the female posters to try to think of a time they have ever encountered feelings of jealousy and not feeling as wanted or as desired and try to put aside their bias views and try to put themselves into TS shoes and see were he might be coming from.

I ask all the male posters to try put aside the horny thoughts of wanting anal and your bias feelings to wanting it a alot. Than think of a time they felt they were being coerced into something you did not feel comfortable doing heck maybe by a female and try to put yourself in TS wife shoes and maybe try and understand were she is coming from.



However do not give a answer that is so black and white saying things like you need to shut up about it or that she needs to obey you and try it at least once. All of that is garbage just talk it out that is the best route to go not some forum filled often with folks who are struggling with their own lives and do not know how to give and take and listen to others.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think the reason this has come up now may be that you are feeling left out while your wife is attending to the baby. It is not unusual for fathers to feel that their wife has withdrawn her love and her feelings that you are special.

Coupled with the abrupt drop in sexual frequency, you are bound to feel emotionally disconnected and needing reassurance that your wife still loves you. 

By some mental trick, you happened to remember the anal sex thing. She did it with a bf, you need to feel that you are tops in her life now. And the mind is off and rolling. Not too unusual. 

Instead of saying I feel left out like a girl, you ask for reassurance in the way men do. Does that sound at all reasonable? 

Your need for reassurance is legitimate. But are there others ways she can make you feel like the top dog in her life? Can you address the issue of sexual frequency now? Would she be ready for once a week? 

This is going to take some understanding of yourself and her to be able to get through this smoothly. 

The anal sex she had may have involved some element of coercion or manipulation.

That the man did not stop when she was in pain. Anyway, it may not be something that she can do to reassure you now.

When you are connecting on a more regular basis for a time, you can introduce anal caresses etc and be more successful Work your way up and give it plenty of time. 

If it feels good at every stage she will be wiling to try again. But it is up to you to introduce it slowly, confidently and for mutual pleasure. The very best to you and your family


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Desensitizing cream is the WORST thing you could use for anal sex. Unless you like a ripped anus. Pain is there for a reason, a torn sphincter would be bad.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> I sincerely apologize to mikeydread. Clearly he is not the author of the worst analogy ever.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Apology accepted. I actually didn't think mine was too bad.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Covertx said:


> However I feel that she could at least make an attempt before writing it off all together. _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds to me like she did attempt it before and SHE has written it off altogehter. Sorry, but you need to let this go. She obviously didn't like it enough to want to try it again. Franky, I don't blame her! Been there, done that.............NO THANKS! It's not very pleasant!


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Like I said earlier, she could at least fake it to shut him up. Just like how SOME guys fake being interested in what SOME women have to say. For "a piece" and quiet


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah he did. ask a legitimate question. And, as such, he is going to get all kinds of advice/opinions.
> 
> I am with EleGirl. He sounds insensitive. He doesn't care about her HURTing. He just wants to do what he wants.


All in the name of jealousy!!! WTF?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

covertx said:


> how do you know it's going to hurt her. If you read my posts, we have never attempted anal sex. It's not as if we got close but it hurt her and now i'm demanding she continue trying it and to ignore the pain. She hasn't tried it with me. No one knows for a fact if it would hurt or not. I'm upset that she isn't willing to try.
> _posted via mobile device_


dude, she's tried it before and has no interest in it again. Must have hurt then!!!


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

southern wife said:


> All in the name of jealousy!!! WTF?



Read the analogy I posted, although quickly discredited by one poster no idea why, but you say that now because a certain something was never done to/for/ with someone prior to you that you want now. It would cause jealousy. I'm leaving the wanting anal part out of it, as that is what is getting everyone caught up. If your man had loved and been hurt, and you start to date. He is charming and you fall for him, but he tells you that he can't love you because he's been hurt before. You'd be gone in a millisecond. And don't even lie.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I was always interested in trying anal while in my marriage, and my wife shut that idea down pretty quick. But she was open to some play in the area. Is she open to that? Fingers, small toys, etc... Might be a starting point. Could try a "variety pack" of butt plugs, and work up slowly.

But as far as pressing the issues... There's a big difference between a little discomfort and "OMG, I can't poop for a week". I have no idea (obviously) where your wife was on the spectrum. But in general, her body, her rules. How would you respond if she said she had a fetish of pegging you hard with a toy the size of your penis?

Your feelings are your feelings. You're entitled to them. But... Her feelings are her feelings, and she's just as entitled to them.

My advice to you is get over it. Tell yourself that you're just too damn big, and strut around the bedroom for awhile.

And as an FYI, I'm now with a partner that is open to anal (she volunteered that fact), so we've done it a couple times. It's a nice change, but if we never did it again, I wouldn't hold it against her. But I am glad I got to try it at least. 

C


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## Feta (Jun 15, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> I sincerely apologize to mikeydread. Clearly he is not the author of the worst analogy ever.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How is this a bad analogy? It is the exact same dynamic at work. In general, bad experiences happen all the time. You would be a fool to say, "I did not like that so I am never doing it again". If that was the case, you would never learn to ride a bike, eat vegetables and probably never have sex, as all of these things usually suck the first time. 

The example was extreme to point out the absurdity of the argument. Unfortunately, the argument gets blurred because people inject their own morals and lose objectivity. In the end, it boils down to if you trust each other, then you should be willing to try anything. Keeping in mind that trusting each other means a lot of things, including, reading the other person and making sure things stay in a healthy place, if it gets uncomfortable, that's fine, that's growing, If we all stayed comfortable, we would all still be living with our parents. 

As far as the OP's question goes, I just think it is unproductive and unfair that people would recommend he sucks it up because she said it hurts. As someone already pointed out, it's ok to slap and choke her...that's hot, but attempting anal sex makes him an insensitive jerk. Sorry but 1 + 1 does not equal 3.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I have not all the responses but I sense a pervasive problem that may be fueling this debate and the acrimony therein.

Sex Vs. mutually satisfying sex. One focuses on getting pleausre out of an avalable partner Vs. having having sex with a parttner that is loved and valued.

This does not mean that the poster should not approach the subject of anal sex or that his wife should shut him down sumarily.

If the conversation were something like this

OP: honey I remember you telling me that you had painful anal sex before. What happened to you? Were you injured, forced or did the bf not stop when you wanted?

Wife: tells him the cercumstances. But honey, this is a bad time to bring this up. With the baby, and my adjustment and fatigue, it is not something I want to remenber now. 

OP: It has been concerning me that you were treated badly. But I can see the timing is bad. 

Wife: thanks for being concerned, that is what I love about you. I want to get back to being a wife for you and not a mother 80% of the time.

OP: I understand that, it will happen but we need to get through this new experience. 

Wife: you have been patient amd understanding and I appreciate that.

OP: I love you and I care about what you are feeling most of all. 

Wife: I love you. 


They both have needs, that are equally pressing but not equaly met. Compassion and empathy on both their parts can get the through this period. There are sacrifices that are imnherent in having children. 

Not only that, they need to have a sense of partners on a journey. There will be times when one person is giving more to the relationship. 

But is they view their life together as a project they both are willingly perfecting, they will accept those momentary lapses with equanimity because they know their partner will be their for them when they need. 

Counting beans on a daily basis and getting angry frustrated and demanding when ones needs are not met due to circumstances, is immature.

In the latter case, The relationship is not a partnership but a business arrangement. The ledger needs to be balanced every 2 weeks. What a miserable way to live.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Feta said:


> How is this a bad analogy? It is the exact same dynamic at work. In general, bad experiences happen all the time. You would be a fool to say, "I did not like that so I am never doing it again". If that was the case, you would never learn to ride a bike, eat vegetables and probably never have sex, as all of these things usually suck the first time.
> 
> The example was extreme to point out the absurdity of the argument. Unfortunately, the argument gets blurred because people inject their own morals and lose objectivity. In the end, it boils down to if you trust each other, then you should be willing to try anything. Keeping in mind that trusting each other means a lot of things, including, reading the other person and making sure things stay in a healthy place, if it gets uncomfortable, that's fine, that's growing, If we all stayed comfortable, we would all still be living with our parents.
> 
> As far as the OP's question goes, I just think it is unproductive and unfair that people would recommend he sucks it up because she said it hurts. As someone already pointed out, it's ok to slap and choke her...that's hot, but attempting anal sex makes him an insensitive jerk. Sorry but 1 + 1 does not equal 3.


Everyone is entitled to make boundaries for their own bodies, seriously. Anal sex isn't for everyone, she tried it, it hurt her, she doesn't want to do it again. It's one thing to ask and have a person say "No" but it's unproductive and unfair to whine and coerce her into doing something she said hurt her.


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## Feta (Jun 15, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Everyone is entitled to make boundaries for their own bodies, seriously. Anal sex isn't for everyone, she tried it, it hurt her, she doesn't want to do it again. It's one thing to ask and have a person say "No" but it's unproductive and unfair to whine and coerce her into doing something she said hurt her.


I absolutely agree boundaries always have to be respected but I think it is fair and healthy to challenge them. Challenging versus whining and coercing can be a fine line but the OP does not seem to have crossed that line. 

My main point was not that he should get anal sex, that is for them to discuss and decide, my main point was he is not an insensitive jerk for wanting to challenger her on it. And in fact he should be praised for attempting to address an issue versus sweeping it under the rug, which would be sucking it up.


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## Feta (Jun 15, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> I have not all the responses but I sense a pervasive problem that may be fueling this debate and the acrimony therein.
> 
> Sex Vs. mutually satisfying sex. One focuses on getting pleausre out of an avalable partner Vs. having having sex with a parttner that is loved and valued.
> 
> ...



This advice is spot on!


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

Haven't read all the posts, but here are my 2 cents...

First, I think it's a bad idea to ask/tell about previous sexual experiences, especially when one/both partners are too immature to handle the information.

Second, I don't think the OP is being fully honest w himself/us. If you believe your wife tried anal sex once and hated it due to pain there's not much to be truly jealous about. Maybe you're worried that she actually enjoyed it -- but if so, why would she deprive you? Or maybe you're insecure that this other guy's c**k was bigger than yours--his caused unacceptable pain, but yours wouldn't? I don't know, but something doesn't make sense.

Others have mentioned anal play w finger, etc. 
Great idea. Make that hole your friend, not your enemy!

But time for OP to grow up and move forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

SoCalHubby said:


> Haven't read all the posts, but here are my 2 cents...
> 
> First, I think it's a bad idea to ask/tell about previous sexual experiences, especially when one/both partners are too immature to handle the information.
> 
> ...


I'm actually friends with her ex. We've seen each others ****s and I'm not concerned at all with my size. I was concerned about my wife being willing to fulfill his fantasies however having no concern over my desires. If you look back at page 4, I've already stated I'm going to drop the issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

Maybe it wasn't just his fantasy. Maybe it was also your wife's fantasy. But sometimes the idea of something is a lot more fun than the actual experience.

I sometimes feel the urge to plow my wife's ass, and we've tried a few times, but there's just NO way it will fit, at least not without unacceptable pain.

As soon as it becomes apparent that it's causing substantial discomfort, I lose interest in that particular hole.

I have no idea whether my wife has ever had anal sex w someone before me, I've never asked and I don't really care to know.

I love to finger my wife's ass and this had become a common part of our sex play, but I just don't feel strongly about full on anal sex. I don't feel deprived.

I applaud the OP for letting this go. My only concern is holding onto resentment. This can have a toxic effect on a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Covertx said:


> but after I found out she has tried it before I find myself extremely jealous and almost feel like she loves him more, or cheated on because she was willing to try anal sex with someone else but not me. ,


This is the heart of the matter right here.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Covertx said:


> I don't understand, I don't know that it would actually hurt her. I know that she knows that I feel slighted. I also know that she wasn't willing to do anything about it. So I'm not going to have that conversation with her. I feel no empathy, i only feel betrayal, jealousy, and resentment. I'm just going to drop it. Like I said, I don't even want to do it anymore because it would feel forced instead of my wife lovingly wanting to erase a concern I had.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mmmm, I missed this one. This is worse than I thought. I withdraw my previous posts. You are too far gone to find them helpful. I think you need more help than nonprofessionals can give you. 

I think what you express here is going to hurt your marriage, you, your wife and your child since he/she depends on the emotional stability of the parents. 

One sex act erases empathy and evokes all of these negative feelings?

Your plan on punishing your wife, who gave birth to your child 6 months ago, because of feelings that you think she is responsible for fixing? 

Hostility and lack of empathy would not be an expected reaction from a loving mature man to her reticence to engage in sexual act that was painful. 

She probably expected sympathy not a negation of a whole relationship. Lack of empathy means you don't think she is worthy of caring and loving. 

Do you expect her to have sex with you if she feels you don't care or love her? Do you expect her to continue to love you now that you don't care about how she feels? 

How long do you think you will stay in the marriage? If she plied you with all the anal sex your wanted would you love her again? 

I hope you get the professional help you need.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Thanks for your sarcastic and wildly inaccurate concern Catherine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Covertx said:


> I'm actually friends with her ex. We've seen each others ****s and I'm not concerned at all with my size. I was concerned about my wife being willing to fulfill his fantasies however having no concern over my desires. If you look back at page 4, I've already stated I'm going to drop the issue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


---I think his wife shud go for anal with him..he seems sensitive ...but I doubt, she may have a wound from the previous episode, which she doesnt want to expose..that she is resisting it? talk to her gently and understand the real reason..dont get hyper with any element or tinge of jealousy..while talking to her about this.

if she does not have , she can go for it, and he should be careful and caring ,esp in the entry and subsequent process as well.

let it be one time and mutual..it would make things fine enough.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Covertx said:


> Thanks for your sarcastic and wildly inaccurate concern Catherine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My first two post were positive and meant to help. 

The last one was not positive but you may want to read and consider. I don't think it is to far off base. 

You are too angry in reaction to this solvable problem. Do you have anger problems? Have you had problems in your other relationships? Do you blame others for making you angry, hostile, resentful and retaliatory? 

If you feel that you need to blow up your marriage because of your feelings of deprivation, that's on you. 

I suggested a reasonable route you might take relative to the sex act. 

I cannot advise you what to do about the ease with which you blame your wife for your feelings. 

I don't think you want to solve it, you want to make your wife miserable and destabilize your child's life because you cant get anal sex. Why?


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

I give up..... The amount of freaks on this site just astounds me..... The preoccupation with sex in all forms and upset that their spouse doesn't want to try something???? 

Really now 100+ responses to an immature male who won't take no for an answer to having anal with his wife, who admitted to trying it and as truly turned off, hurt by it and hated it???? Now I see another email and him comparing **** sizes. Grow up.....


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> My first two post were positive and meant to help.
> 
> The last one was not positive but you may want to read and consider. I don't think it is to far off base.
> 
> ...



---We dont project a small issue ( as of now) to be a Big Problem ( or a potential one)..do we..?why take this to psycho-sexual levels..?

Pal, I advise you to talk to her and I too wish, she will talk on the issue with poise and understanding ...see whats really hurting, whether its the anal pain or emotional pain ,if any, from the previous one...if she does not have a problem, then you can consent her for an anal , even if she is more or less willing...that can do away with any future "issues"..moreoever, you can have a broad understanding mind, even if she is unwilling..just dismiss it.which might take a lil time and pressure.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Stryker said:


> ---We dont project a small issue ( as of now) to be a Big Problem ( or a potential one)..do we..?why take this to psycho-sexual levels..?
> 
> Pal, I advise you to talk to her and I too wish, she will talk on the issue with poise and understanding ...see whats really hurting, whether its the anal pain or emotional pain ,if any, from the previous one...if she does not have a problem, then you can consent her for an anal , even if she is more or less willing...that can do away with any future "issues"..moreoever, you can have a broad understanding mind, even if she is unwilling..just dismiss it.which might take a lil time and pressure.


What?!?! If she is more or less willing? Even if she is unwilling? He can consent her for anal? That sounds like a lot of bad stuff.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> What?!?! If she is more or less willing? Even if she is unwilling? He can consent her for anal? That sounds like a lot of bad stuff.


I think he was saying I should be able to ask her, if she consents then great, if not I will have to deal with it. I highly doubt he was encouraging anal rape.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Covertx said:


> I think he was saying I should be able to ask her, if she consents then great, if not I will have to deal with it. I highly doubt he was encouraging anal rape.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


haha..see this is why I was saying Women lack understanding, ...and are thus presumptive...

Pal, thats what I am telling you to do..that either make her consent or dismiss n deal with it, survive it , and it will take time and pressure on the latter case...


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> What?!?! If she is more or less willing? Even if she is unwilling? He can consent her for anal? That sounds like a lot of bad stuff.



That was funny on its misinterpretation..and liked the way it was called ..lot of bad stuff.. ,nevertheless understandable on its concern.but let me say, to interpret rightly, without prenotion,while reading.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Covertx said:


> I think he was saying I should be able to ask her, if she consents then great, if not I will have to deal with it. I highly doubt he was encouraging anal rape.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay, gotcha. I was confused, but that happens a lot to me.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Stryker said:


> ---We dont project a small issue ( as of now) to be a Big Problem ( or a potential one)..do we..?why take this to psycho-sexual levels..?.


We don't, do we. 

Well, he thinks it is a big problem he is resentful, withdrawing empathy and accusing the mother of his 6 month old child of betraying him? That sounds like a big problem to me. 

You think it is a psyco-sexual problem, that's interesting. 

I am not projecting pal. It has never occurred to me to behave so abominably towards anyone I love. 

________________________________________
The men with the most anger and dislike of women, seem to view their partners as conscripts to a union where the males sexual needs are sacrosanct. They seem like throwbacks to the last century. 

They "help" with the household chores. They don't feel that they should be expected to keep a place where they eat sleep and live along with their kids, clean and orderly. But they will give her a hand if she worships at his alter. 

They are "romantic" because their wives need it but they don't feel like they should be expected to show that kind of attention because it is silly. They will, if she worships at his alter. 

They work to support themselves their wives and their kids. But their wives are singled out because they should not be expected to support her unless she worships at his alter. 

I refused many things my husband wanted to try sexually in the beginning of our marriage. But my husband is a clever man. He waited until I trusted his love for me and not sex acts I could do for him. 

It was an invitation to a feast for both of us. If he felt that his needs were too valuable to be altered in any way, we would not still be married. 

I know I would have felt that I was stripped of my status as an autonomous, feeling person with experiences that shaped my taste, just like my husband. 

As experiences change, so do taste. That's what I was trying to convey to the OP. He can build trust and new good association of anal play and invite her for more adventures. 

Hostility and withdrawal of proper regard for his wife will not induce her to trust him. He will get back what he gives.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Most women hate anal (even the thought of) sex. Men see it on porn and think it looks great and easy. Its not. Many porn queens have lost their careers because of it and one in an interview said they have to wear depends at times.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> What? She told him the problem. It's a serious issue.. it hurts. And he burshes it off as though it's nothing.
> 
> I have the same issue she does. I've tried it. Actually liked it until I ended up with a fissure that has not healed in 40 years... even with medical care. Some people can tolerate anal sex, others cannot. His pushing her to do something that she says hurts her is a bad sign about him


Are you sure it's an anal fissure? They pretty much heal up in short order. :scratchhead:


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> We don't, do we. : GOOD, that you understand that..
> 
> Well, he thinks it is a big problem he is resentful, withdrawing empathy and accusing the mother of his 6 month old child of betraying him? That sounds like a big problem to me.
> 
> ...



----*Typical sayings of a Dear prejudiced Good Woman  with SUBJECTIVE REMARKS and CORRELATION, who thinks every Man views a Woman to be a Utility product...The Guy here is certainly seeming to be taking care, loving and adaptable on such issues and friendly even with the woman's ex..What women need to understand is, Sex and Love needs to go hand in hand in Marriage...have Consensus reached, without doubting on intentions,trust.The Ego of the woman restricts her to be a tyrant in sexual matters, which makes things worse than any better...Women shud try to understand the needs of Men in sexual matters , when they claim they love their Men..* *It shud not be Mechanical and with so many Conditions and Prejudises and Doubts on Trust and Intentions etc,There are Women who understands the Men they love ,truly to be in Synergy,Symbiosis and Mutuality*

Right Understandings..


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## duckfeet (Jan 7, 2012)

If this were my husband and a situation between us he would not get the anal, why? Because if this one issue would cause him to lose empathy and become resentful and feel betrayed then there is no way i could feel like i could trust him to perform anal. If this one issue ellicits all these feelings then this is probably a pattern, her reaction is based on your action. Did you handle it lovingly and maturely from the beginning? If not then you might have the answer to the problem right there


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Covertx said:


> I'm actually friends with her ex. We've seen each others ****s and I'm not concerned at all with my size. I was concerned about my wife being willing to fulfill his fantasies however having no concern over my desires. If you look back at page 4, I've already stated I'm going to drop the issue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand a little bit more now. At the risk of being too vulgar, "Your friend got to fvck your wife in the a$$ while you did not". Though entirely irrational, I can understand your jealousy and where you are coming from.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

chapparal said:


> Most women hate anal (even the thought of) sex. Men see it on porn and think it looks great and easy. Its not. Many porn queens have lost their careers because of it and one in an interview said they have to wear depends at times.


While I agree that porn can easily project false attitudes of women toward any type of sex, not just limited to anal, when anal sex is properly handled, it's not particularly risky.

The porn actresses who lose bowel control are likely using little or no lube, and putting things much larger than a penis in their rectum, like fists. If you slowly put a lubed penis in your anus, you're unlikely to seriously damage yourself. That's not to say you'll find it enjoyable, but you'll probably be fine in the morning.

There are many gay men who engage in anal sex on a daily, or near-daily, basis for decades with little effects.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Somebody take this thread out to the pasture and put a bullet in its head for god's sake!

Get it through your thick skull OP, your wife experimented with anal and did not enjoy it. She does not want you to do it. Doesn't matter that she tried it with your friend. He was just the guy who happened to be in line at that moment in time. If he had not done it, she would have done it with the next guy in the rotation, or eventually with you. 

Quit being a baby. Get a Kama Sutra book, take it home and tell her you're both going to try every position in there. Should take you a year or so. By that time you will have forgotten about it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Spud, Part of his resentment is that she won't even try or even consider trying.

OP, maybe she lost her bowel movement the last time and is scarred for life


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## TMWFYB (Feb 7, 2012)

or C)... That hole is for pooing out of!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Isn't it creepy that he talks to his friend what he did with his wife? 

Why is he talking about that type of thing with his friend? Some of my husbands old gf's still live in the neighborhood. I would not dream of talking to them about what he did with them.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Isn't it creepy that he talks to his friend what he did with his wife?
> 
> Why is he talking about that type of thing with his friend? Some of my husbands old gf's still live in the neighborhood. I would not dream of talking to them about what he did with them.


i think she talked to him about "trying it before" when he asked. He knew that his friend was the ex. Or something of that sort I would assume


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I had one boyfriend who ONLY wanted that. He was..Tiny. I didn't like it, but it made him happy, and that was fine by him. Then, my ex; porn addict, anal obsessed. I gave it a number of honest tries, to completion. With lube, slow, etc. Pain and resentment on my end. Finally, I drew the line. Which he resented, and added to the snowball that was headed for our marriage. 

Funny (not really,) when I think back over relationships I've had, how my needs have always come second for both parties. I'm not doing anal anymore. I'm not giving head, because I don't like it any more than you would. (Close your eyes and picture YOU on the receiving end of a money shot. Fun, huh?) And I'm not getting re-married, because I have learned that I really like having boundaries and not feeling guilted and coerced into doing things that hurt and make me feel degraded. 

If she had a thing for hairless men, would you let her wax you stem to stern? Just a question. I know no one I've dated or married would do anything uncomfortable or that they found distasteful for me. But, the worst thing I ever asked a man to do was buy me tampons. 

Hope you can find a way not to be angry about this. Hope she can give it a try for you once some time, maybe. You guys plan to be together a while? Then I guess you have time, right? It doesn't have to be this week?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> I had one boyfriend who ONLY wanted that. He was..Tiny. I didn't like it, but it made him happy, and that was fine by him. Then, my ex; porn addict, anal obsessed. I gave it a number of honest tries, to completion. With lube, slow, etc. Pain and resentment on my end. Finally, I drew the line. Which he resented, and added to the snowball that was headed for our marriage.
> 
> Funny (not really,) when I think back over relationships I've had, how my needs have always come second for both parties. I'm not doing anal anymore. I'm not giving head, because I don't like it any more than you would. (Close your eyes and picture YOU on the receiving end of a money shot. Fun, huh?) And I'm not getting re-married, because I have learned that I really like having boundaries and not feeling guilted and coerced into doing things that hurt and make me feel degraded.
> 
> ...


I just want to say, that I totally love your post.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Funny (not really,) when I think back over relationships I've had, how my needs have always come second for both parties. I'm not doing anal anymore. I'm not giving head, because I don't like it any more than you would. (Close your eyes and picture YOU on the receiving end of a money shot. Fun, huh?) And I'm not getting re-married, because I have learned that I really like having boundaries and not feeling guilted and coerced into doing things that hurt and make me feel degraded.
> 
> If she had a thing for hairless men, would you let her wax you stem to stern? Just a question. I know no one I've dated or married would do anything uncomfortable or that they found distasteful for me. But, the worst thing I ever asked a man to do was buy me tampons.
> 
> Hope you can find a way not to be angry about this. Hope she can give it a try for you once some time, maybe. You guys plan to be together a while? Then I guess you have time, right? It doesn't have to be this week?


1. No I can't picture myself taking a money shot lol, but I don't mind giving oral sex to my wife. I'm just not into penises.

2. Yes I would get a body wax from head to toe if she requested it, although I'd much prefer to just go ahead and do lazer hair removal. Actually I do quite a bit of manscaping already, but I understand that was not your point. 

3. Of course we plan on being together for a long time. One fight does not a marriage end. 

I would hate to think that my wife or any of my past lovers would have your attitude almost of regret for trying sexual fantasys I had. I certainly would never want to degrade someone. I view my wifes sexual requests almost as a new goal that she is going to let me help her complete. I've never turned her down for anything. I want her to be happy, experience everything that she wants to do sexually (without breaking our vows). I would hope that she would have the same outlook on my sexual requests and not feel burdened, or that she is playing second fiddle to my wants.

She brought the anal sex issue up again last night. What she didn't tell me in our first conversation was that she has some things going on back there extending from her pregnancy. I explained my points, and that she didn't know it would hurt for sure because she has never tried it with me. My feelings about her trying it with someone else, the resentment over her dismissing my interest immediatly when I'm always willing to try hers, etc. Overall I'm not sure if I convinced her to try it eventually, but its something I think we can talk about later.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Isn't it creepy that he talks to his friend what he did with his wife?
> 
> Why is he talking about that type of thing with his friend? Some of my husbands old gf's still live in the neighborhood. I would not dream of talking to them about what he did with them.


Creepy? You paint such a beautiful picture of me Catherine. 

My friend was dating my wife when I met her. I have no problems with this, neither does he. He was part of my wedding party. Its not like he was some dude down the street. My wife knew/knows many of the girls I had past sexual relationships with. My wife and I were friends long before we started dating, so we knew a lot of each others past sex lives. I don't view this as creepy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Covetx
It does not sound like an absolute refusal. She is concerned about pain. That means that when the time is right you can plan on just caressing and work your way up. Concentrate on her pleasure as well as your own. 

I think it is bad to look at sex as acts that one is obliged to do just because you tried it before. If you focus on things you both do for each other, you will probably get what you want.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> I just want to say, that I totally love your post.


You would love the post of a person who obviously has a problem picking idiots. She needs to evaluate her picking skills. What man is insecure enough to do anything, except the money shot. If your guy is open to that, you have bigger problems.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> You would love the post of a person who obviously has a problem picking idiots. She needs to evaluate her picking skills. What man is insecure enough to do anything, except the money shot. If your guy is open to that, you have bigger problems.


What?


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> What?


I agree with this.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Ok, wow.

well Covertx, I'm female, and here's my advice/rambling.

When I got with my stbx/ex (not planning on being together again, just haven't filed) I would not have wanted to do anything anal. I'd tried it before, wasn't that grand. (didn't really hurt either, the guy tiny) I was also a bit terrified of the repercussions of the size difference. 

So, what my stbx did, was talk with one of his friends who is insane about his sex and has done everything under the sun.

So, I'm going to explain to you, even though it is a little exposing for me, what my stbx went about doing over a period of time to warm me up to the idea without it being a matter of "hey, I really want to stick it in your butt" (not that you've phrased it that way, but you get the idea)

he started by orally messing around and gauging how much I enjoyed that. Then, he went to using a finger or two. (after a while of the oral being ok) then give it a little time, and he just ended up going ahead with the full on anal sex in the middle of us already having sex.

We never strictly did anal, it was always after a warm up of regular vaginal/oral while he continuously stimulated me anally. 
you kind of absolutely have to work at it before penetration or else it is going to hurt her and potentially cause damage.

hope that helps. Its a more fair way to see if she'll enjoy anal without pushing her too far, and of course, you can stop any time she tells you no.

ps, if you're not up to licking it, you shouldn't ask her to let you stick it..just my opinion.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Covertx said:


> 1. No I can't picture myself taking a money shot lol, but I don't mind giving oral sex to my wife. I'm just not into penises.
> 
> 2. Yes I would get a body wax from head to toe if she requested it, although I'd much prefer to just go ahead and do lazer hair removal. Actually I do quite a bit of manscaping already, but I understand that was not your point.
> 
> ...


Wow, I'm glad you two talked about it. It doesn't sound like she's opposed to ever doing it again and it sounds like she wasn't aware of your feelings on it (feeling dismissed, etc)

Have you done any reading on anal sex? This book has gotten really good reviews, maybe you could pick it up? The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. I haven't read it myself, but I know a lot of men and women who have.

I hope you two can come to an agreement and you have a long and healthy marriage. Good Luck!


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Covertx 


GOOD THAT SHE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND ......


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

CLucas976 said:


> Ok, wow.
> 
> well Covertx, I'm female, and here's my advice/rambling.
> 
> ...



I appreciate the advice. I was mostly just planning to use a ton of lube, message, and use 1-2 fingers to get ready, and then let her pull me into her as slowly or quickly as she wanted and to stop everything if she so desired. I like the idea of trying it as just part of one of our regular sexual encounters, instead of making it an anal only encounter. A little research sounds like a good plan though.

However I can't say I had planned to toss her salad. Is that even hygenally safe? Honestly my wife has never been a big fan of even vaginal oral, so I doubt she would be interested in this. But I guess I should be prepaired if she does.


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Its wrong to say, or an ignorant lie of women themselves that women do not generally like anal..

Even the shy,quiet,religious, crazy,wild,h or l drives etc etc,desire,love, crave,like or fantasize the process as natural as it can be or by stimulated desires.....


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Covertx said:


> I appreciate the advice. I was mostly just planning to use a ton of lube, message, and use 1-2 fingers to get ready, and then let her pull me into her as slowly or quickly as she wanted and to stop everything if she so desired. I like the idea of trying it as just part of one of our regular sexual encounters, instead of making it an anal only encounter. A little research sounds like a good plan though.
> 
> However I can't say I had planned to toss her salad. Is that even hygenally safe? Honestly my wife has never been a big fan of even vaginal oral, so I doubt she would be interested in this. But I guess I should be prepaired if she does.


I tried so hard to not use the term "Salad tossing" lol.

my response to that question though, is does she wash? my ex never ended up with any anal related nasties in his mouth or on his man parts and this is six years of play, our only bad experience was caused by a mint. (I really don't need to explain that) 

just make sure she's showered, and had her daily poop, I guess.


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## Covertx (Feb 3, 2012)

CLucas976 said:


> I tried so hard to not use the term "Salad tossing" lol.
> 
> my response to that question though, is does she wash? my ex never ended up with any anal related nasties in his mouth or on his man parts and this is six years of play, our only bad experience was caused by a mint. (I really don't need to explain that)
> 
> just make sure she's showered, and had her daily poop, I guess.


I'm sorry for my vocabulary lol. Like I said in my OP, I'm new here. Still learning whats acceptable and whats frowned upon. I've been trying not to use any slang, but in this case I felt like the slang was less dirty then actually describing the act. 

Anyway, I obviously have no experience with anal in any fashion, so the advice is appreciated. I have no issues with oral sex, so as long as things are clean I guess I should have no issues with this act either. Like I said I'm pretty open to most things. Thanks for at least bringing it up and making me think about it. 

I now feel under-prepaired. Need to pick up that book the other poster suggested to get myself more acquanted. I've never felt the need to read a "how to" on a sexual subject before. Being receptive and doing what came naturally to me has always done me well in the past. I guess its time to evolve.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Covertx said:


> I'm sorry for my vocabulary lol. Like I said in my OP, I'm new here. Still learning whats acceptable and whats frowned upon. I've been trying not to use any slang, but in this case I felt like the slang was less dirty then actually describing the act.
> 
> Anyway, I obviously have no experience with anal in any fashion, so the advice is appreciated. I have no issues with oral sex, so as long as things are clean I guess I should have no issues with this act either. Like I said I'm pretty open to most things. Thanks for at least bringing it up and making me think about it.
> 
> I now feel under-prepaired. Need to pick up that book the other poster suggested to get myself more acquanted. I've never felt the need to read a "how to" on a sexual subject before. Being receptive and doing what came naturally to me has always done me well in the past. I guess its time to evolve.


I'd suggest your wife read it as well. Even though she's had "experience" it wasn't pleasant, she should take some time to explore and read up on it. That way, when the time comes, you'll both be prepared and knowledgeable.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Keep in mind too, each person is different. 

I was never the chick in the porno that could take anal from all directions, there was only one position where I could maintain relaxed enough for it to not hurt, so she's going to have to be more open to it to find that angle I would think, but by that point she should be anyways.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Way to much talk about the dooky shoot going one here.. Additionally I find it amusing to consider what a big elephant in the room your wifes butt hole has become. Seriously let it go... I mean if you go the route of resentment what are you going to say when it eventually eats you up, you start acting out and end up separated? I left her cause she would not let me violate her stink hole..seriously..

To put it in perspective there was once a lady years ago I was in my 20's she was mid 30's that was going down on me.. in the process she decided to be cute or heighten the experience or for some other dumb reason she stuck her finger in my ass.. I did not approve, nearly jumped out of my skin, issued a WTF!! and left.. years later I was telling the story to another G/F who said well some guys like it and she had done it b4 and would like to try with me.. I was like fuzuk off, not gonna happen.. it started out small but ended up becoming an elephant in the room. We would have sex she would giggle playing around and say I'm gonna get you this time and I would tell her an if you do I'm gonna sock you in the eye.. Long story short, I started to think of her as weird and things deteriorated from there.. Just let it go..


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Covertx said:


> Creepy? You paint such a beautiful picture of me Catherine.
> 
> My friend was dating my wife when I met her. I have no problems with this, neither does he. He was part of my wedding party. Its not like he was some dude down the street. My wife knew/knows many of the girls I had past sexual relationships with. My wife and I were friends long before we started dating, so we knew a lot of each others past sex lives. I don't view this as creepy.


It seems odd to me that you resent your wife, but not your friend. You are jealous that she had anal sex with your friend, you resent that she won't with you, are agonizing over the thought that a guy went there with her, yet you have no issues with the guy who did so.

Why is your resentment and lack of empathy all on your wife? 

I tried anal once, NEVER again and I don't care who asks for it or why. Hounding me for it would just lead to resentment on my part and an eventual destruction of the relationship if he cannot respect my need to preserve my ass from pain.


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

Covertx said:


> First time post here so I appologize if I don't know all the lingo quite yet. I found this messege board after googling a question about sex in marriage, and after reading multiple threads it really seemed like a mature environment that I could turn to for opinions on my sex life from both males and females.
> 
> A little backstory: I am 27 years old, my wife is 25 years old. We just had our first child 6 months ago. Pre-pregnancy we had sex 3-4 times a week and lately it has been once every two weeks to once a week. We have been married for three and a half years and dated for roughly 2 years prior to getting married.
> 
> ...


REALLY ? Are you serious ? Give up man ! getting her to try it, aint gonna make her like it or enjoyable to you or her.


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## Oregondaddy (Feb 10, 2012)

Look, first off, having a baby is tough enough, really. Especially the first one, for my wife, it turned her sex drive to zero, but that is how nature works. So now you are dumping the anal sex thing on her? Are you nuts? Give it a while, don't harp about it. Maybe one day down the road in a fun moment she may want to try it again, her giving it to you because you mope around about it will GUARANTEE it will be a one time event. And so what if she tried it with a boyfriend, she married you right? had your baby right? What is the big deal? I don't care what my wife did before with her boyfriends, she married me, not them, had my kids, not thiers, and has made a great spouse. The past is just that.. the past..


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

WOW! Some women are vicious on here! Look, I understand where the dude is coming from. But some of you are like, " It hurts! Stop being a selfish bastard and get over it!" Well, not getting anal sex isn't the real issue here it's that the OP felt rejected. Look, it does sting a little bit knowing that your wife tried something with someone else, probably someone that could have treated her like dirt. Could have verbally abused her, cheated on her...whatever. If it was a perfect relationship then the OP wouldn't be in the picture. She felt COMFORTABLE enough to try it with the douche bag, but he might be thinking," we in a loving and commited relationship and I'm the one that gets rejected." Selfish way if thinking and it happens. We are all selfish by nature.

I think that maybe he was looking for more of a way to handle the rejection more than trying to scheme to get his wife to give up the ass! Don't get me wrong, if someone knew a way to get anal, I don't think he would dismiss it. But, the way I took it was as if he was asking is it WRONG of me to feel rejected? Is it WRONG of me to feel jealous? 

So, cut the guy some slack....


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Crossbar, I think where women were getting upset was where he said he was getting resentful, with the implication of he was resentful of her pain. Which he cleared up a little.
> 
> Also though, the person she tried it with is apparently a friend, so not a total wastoid but as was said before it takes just one bad experience with anal to be like "no, forget you, never again" even with the nicest person ever. Especially ESPECIALLY after being pregnant with all the pressure that ends up down there. I think all us harsh women were just trying to emphasize that it has little to do with a particular partner than sometimes you just don't ever want to deal with that pain again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Which I do get, but women also state that there's no greater pain than that of a woman giving birth. So, if it is that intense and so unpleasant, why would woman subjugate themselves to it more than once?

I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything. I'm just trying to understand. So, don't blast me too bad.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

Dude , I have to ask, did you ever google, gaping *******???? That is what your wife is trying to avoid!!!!!


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

okay, gapping asses not good....episiotomy is okay...got it..


LOL! sorry, couldn't resist....I'll shut-up now.....


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

crossbar said:


> okay, gapping asses not good....episiotomy is okay...got it..
> 
> 
> LOL! sorry, couldn't resist....I'll shut-up now.....


sorry, your fine, I have tried it with my husband hmmm about 7 times, just cant' get his **** up there without enough lube and rythym...I wish I culd do this for both of us, like on our anniv, valentines day, etc...I do have a plug we use instead...does that count??:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

crossbar said:


> Which I do get, but women also state that there's no greater pain than that of a woman giving birth. So, if it is that intense and so unpleasant, why would woman subjugate themselves to it more than once?
> 
> I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything. I'm just trying to understand. So, don't blast me too bad.


I have a hard time understanding why you think that enduring the pain of childbirth more than once has something to do with enduring the pain of anal sex. 

Having children is a natural joyful experience for men and women. The pain for the woman is well worth the final outcome. Another precious soul is brought into the world.

What does the experience of painful anal sex bring? What is the reward? Another route to orgasm for her loving husband. 

This is just me but, my advice is - never say that to any woman in your life. She probably would not agree that having two or more children makes her a masochist and her husband a sadist. Just sayin'


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> What does the experience of painful anal sex bring? What is the reward? Another route to orgasm for her loving husband.


So, are you saying that NO women enjoys it? If this is the case then why does this thread even exist? Should be universally accepted that absolutely no women enjoys anal sex? Again, I only posted that post as a curiosity, not as a "dig" on women. But I thought it was a curious question.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

crossbar said:


> So, are you saying that NO women enjoys it? If this is the case then why does this thread even exist? Should be universally accepted that absolutely no women enjoys anal sex? Again, I only posted that post as a curiosity, not as a "dig" on women. But I thought it was a curious question.


You might not have meant this to be a diversion to avoid addressing my question but this non-answer has all of the elements of one. You interjected the pain of anal sex and birthing pain, not me.

I was just interested to hear how you arrived at an association of the two. I wondered if this is a common view. Women endure pain giving birth so why would anal sex scare them if their loving husband got a charge out of it. 

Most men cannot endure the thought of their wives in pain even in labor. They may not find anal sex arousing with their wives because it is associated with pain for her. 

I don't think they would even be able to juxtapose the pain of labor and a painful sex act.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You might not have meant this to be a diversion to avoid addressing my question but this non-answer has all of the elements of one. You interjected the pain of anal sex and birthing pain, not me.
> 
> I was just interested to hear how you arrived at an association of the two. I wondered if this is a common view. Women endure pain giving birth so why would anal sex scare them if their loving husband got a charge out of it.
> 
> ...


Well, okay....you stated that child birth is an enjoyable experience for both mother and father. I'm a man and I can tell you...not so much. The EXACTUAL birth was amazing but the hours and hours of labor pain, and moodiness, and anger (yes...anger) was NOT an enjoyable experience.

So, when my wife proposed to have a second child, I SHOULD have said, "HELL NO! You were a right pain in the ass for your whole pregnancy and I'd rather not endure that again." That's where the association lays.

But if my wife came on here and started a thread subject " I want another child but my husband refuses" I would probably be blamed for being a selfish bastard for not given into my wife's maternal needs.

Thus, it raises the question on how woman are able to endure the pain (just focus on the PAIN statement) of child birthing and WANTING to repeat the process and anal sex is too unbearable to endure? That's perplexing! And don't get me wrong! Hat's off to women that can give birth because if men could give birth, this world would be a hellva lot less populated!!!


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

Women don't expect childbirth to be pleasant...its a sacrifice for the benefit of bringing a new life into the world. Our expectations for sexual intercourse are different...can you grasp that? I'm not against anal sex but I would resent my dh if I knew _*that the only reason *_he wanted to try anal was because he knew I tried it with someone else. The OP wasn't interested in anal prior to his wife telling him about it. So it's not about the act it's about his ego. So she's really just an object in a pissing contest between him and his friend. I would also really resent the well you've suffered through child birth so my [email protected] in your a** shouldn't phase you in the least. Who cares if it hurts you my ego is going to make me resent you if you don't do this. 







crossbar said:


> Well, okay....you stated that child birth is an enjoyable experience for both mother and father. I'm a man and I can tell you...not so much. The EXACTUAL birth was amazing but the hours and hours of labor pain, and moodiness, and anger (yes...anger) was NOT an enjoyable experience.
> 
> So, when my wife proposed to have a second child, I SHOULD have said, "HELL NO! You were a right pain in the ass for your whole pregnancy and I'd rather not endure that again." That's where the association lays.
> 
> ...


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## cam44 (Feb 10, 2012)

Having anal sex somehow seems to require even more trust and be at a somehow more intimate level than regular vaginal sex ... is it the fact that she was trusting and close enough with another guy to go ahead with it and not with you that bothers you? 
From my limited experience I think that women physically really do enjoy anal, and if not full anal sex then some touching/some pressure when you go down on her, or while you're having regular sex ... but it happened over a long period of time.
Just talking about having full anal sex without having played around many times with just fingers, etc. seems like you're getting way ahead of yourself. If you are gentle with her, and play with her alot, she might really like it and ask for more ... and if not you're out of luck.
I used to make circles gently with a finger or thumb or press on her anus a bit while I was giving her oral and she told me it really felt great and helped her finish faster ... then one night I was pressing on her with a finger while giving her oral and I heard her gasp -- 'do it' (like push it in) and I was like ... ok cool, she's into this ...


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

I goota say, I still don't get the attraction of the poop shoot.

I can't get past what comes out.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

That's the feminism talking... the Guy Bashing. 

Feminists have to bash us because they're unwilling to bash the real abusers: their bosses, the corporations that pollute their environment, their congressmen that make sure the polluters & bosses don't have to pay (their congressmen & bosses get all the anal they want, rest assured).



Covertx said:


> Why are you all still talking about abuse? I've never forced my wife to do anything. Actually the fact that I feel like I would have to force the issue turns me off completely to it. Maybe it's my fault for not portraying an accurate picture in my OP but I wanted to clarify I am not an abusive person/husband/lover.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I think the mods need to step in here. I have to say as a woman some of the posts I am reading here from the guys are making me feel distinctly uncomfortable. 

I'm all for understanding but let's have it for both sides. The OP is, rightly or wrongly, upset that his W won't participate in said activity. The W has said no and explained her reasons, that she has done it before and it was painful. The OP has also alluded to the fact that his W has some "stuff going on back there" (I am assuming he means she has piles?) which are probably a result of pregnancy and birth.

I honestly can't see the benefit of forcing the issue. Saying she "owes it" and making out like it's her wifely duty is not constructive at all. It's possible that she may never want to do it in which case the OP needs to respect and accept that. Or she may later down the line decide she does want to as it's important to him. Either is her right and her choice. And there is nothing wrong with either of those.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Not wanting to do anal has nothing to do with guy bashing and nothing to do with feminism, but everything to do simply with a matter of personal preference/choice and comfort - and respecting that choice.

Anal sex is simply not a preference for everyone. Anal sex is not comfortable for everyone. No one person, not even your spouse, owes you anything in regard to something that they may find distressing, distasteful, or painful. It is something that they must willingly give to you, and not something that you can just take.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Okay, I think that we are missing the main focus of the real issue here and it's how the OP can deal with the rejection. Okay, it's been firmly established that anal sex is painful and doesn't want to be explored by some women. Got it. No one is suggesting the he rape his wife and no one is suggesting that he finds it somewhere else. And no one is suggesting that he guilt his wife into it. It's the rejection that needs to be addressed.

The rejection is no different than of the OP's wife has always dreamed of laying out in a hammock, tied between two palm tree's, on the beach in the Bahamas. She's has ALWAYS wanted to do that. However, when she asks her husband if they can go to the Bahamas for their next vacation and he says that he took his Ex girlfriend to the Bahamas and he didn't like it so he doesn't want to go back. Well, the sky blue crystal clear waters, warm Bahamian Sun and pink sandy beaches is maybe just what she needs to relax, be lazy and decompress and she WANTS to experience it. However, her man doesn't want to go there because he went there with his Ex. Been there and done that.

Now, I know that the Bahamas and anal sex are apples and oranges, but the SENSE OF REJECTION is still the same. What can the OP do to feel better about the rejection of something that he's always wanted to try but will never have the opportunity to do?


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

The OP didn't always want to try it. He clearly stated that he asked once years ago, she said no, and he didn't care about it or ask again. He only started to care about it once he found out that she had done it with someone else. So its not something he always wanted...it's about jealousy and evening up the score. He can get anal if he has enough game to do it. There are many excellent tips in this thread that he can follow. I just think he should keep his true motivation to himself unless he wants her to resent him. Telling someone they owe you something and dismissing their concerns relating to the pain is not a turn on. So unless he wants her to do it out of obligation he should slowly seduce her and make it seem like he truly wants to have this sexual experience because it's something that he feels will be pleasurable for the both of them.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Ayla said:


> The OP didn't always want to try it. He clearly stated that he asked once years ago, she said no, and he didn't care about it or ask again .


 But, that shows me he DID want it. He was curious about it to ask years ago. Therefore, that kind of shows me that there was interest to try it so long ago. He dropped it and respected her wishes He must have asked again only to find out that she shared that part of herself with someone else. Thus, the feelings of rejection, feeling of not being good enough to share that with his wife ( don't try to understand the male ego, it's very Fragile and makes us think this way) come into play. So, there will be a sexual experience that he will NEVER get to experience in his lifetime that she has. How should he cope with that?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You cope with it the same way that you cope with anything else that is disappointing that life throws your way. 

You learn to let things go and move on...you learn to appreciate the wonderful things that you do have... you learn to work toward things that could be within your reach.

Most people have heard of the serenity prayer... that's what you have to learn to do in life. It's called growing up and maturing. 

_God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference._


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

cam44 said:


> He didn't ask her to donate a kidney. He just wanted something she already gave up to dufus. If she looked at it from his perspective maybe she would be willing to share some of herself ... I mean it was ok to share it out of wedlock, but now not with her husband ... no wonder he feels resentful.


Why don't you go and read his last post. Sounds like she's got some issues going on from pregnancy and child birth. Sounds like they will eventually get around to talking about it again. Sounds like they both understand each other a little better. I hope they can work it out and compromise on something. 

So it'd be okay for him to just do as you suggested and "haha, I got you!!" and his wife be angry and resentful towards him, because he didn't respect her body and her boundaries. Great idea! I think the OP is wise enough to not do that. I'm sure he loves and respects his wife.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

cam44 said:


> He didn't ask her to donate a kidney. He just wanted something she already gave up to dufus. If she looked at it from his perspective maybe she would be willing to share some of herself ... I mean it was ok to share it out of wedlock, but now not with her husband ... no wonder he feels resentful.



She did it and it hurt, so she doesn't want to do it again. What is so difficult to understand about that?

It's all about respect. If the OP truly respects his wife and cherishes her, I don't think he'd be dealing with resentment over this issue. It's more about his ego than respecting his wife.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

abandonedcompletely said:


> She did it and it hurt, so she doesn't want to do it again. What is so difficult to understand about that?
> 
> It's all about respect. If the OP truly respects his wife and cherishes her, I don't think he'd be dealing with resentment over this issue. It's more about his ego than respecting his wife.


I think he respects his wife, he's just having a hard time understanding why she was able to do it with someone else but not him. You have to understand that news like that does sting and he is not that other person.

I think we can agree that we've had Mind Blowing sex!!!!! Some good sex, sex that was okay. Then some God aweful sex. So, the anal sex between her and the friend could have been some God aweful sex where he wasn't aware that he was hurting her and jerking like a robot and completely disconnected with her feelings. I mean there is a difference between sex with a person that you have a deep connection with and love completely than to someone you met in a bar. Who's to say if she had anal sex with her husband might be enjoyable to her. Who's to say that she wouldn't enjoy it because he would be aware of her feelings, being tender, taking things slowly and listening to her give direction. 

Second time might be a charm!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

crossbar said:


> I think he respects his wife, he's just having a hard time understanding why she was able to do it with someone else but not him. You have to understand that news like that does sting and he is not that other person.
> 
> I think we can agree that we've had Mind Blowing sex!!!!! Some good sex, sex that was okay. Then some God aweful sex. So, the anal sex between her and the friend could have been some God aweful sex where he wasn't aware that he was hurting her and jerking like a robot and completely disconnected with her feelings. I mean there is a difference between sex with a person that you have a deep connection with and love completely than to someone you met in a bar. Who's to say if she had anal sex with her husband might be enjoyable to her. Who's to say that she wouldn't enjoy it because he would be aware of her feelings, being tender, taking things slowly and listening to her give direction.
> 
> Second time might be a charm!


I did plenty of things with an abusive ex many moons ago. Things I thought were acceptable when my self esteem was less than zero and I allowed another to abuse me. Now, 20 years later, if you tried to get me to do those things under the "you did it with him" meme, the door couldn't hit your ass fast enough and a smart man wouldn't cross those boundaries.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I did plenty of things with an abusive ex many moons ago. Things I thought were acceptable when my self esteem was less than zero and I allowed another to abuse me. Now, 20 years later, if you tried to get me to do those things under the "you did it with him" meme, the door couldn't hit your ass fast enough and a smart man wouldn't cross those boundaries.


But, it still doesn't change the fact that a man will ask regardless. I'm sorry that you had an abusive relationship a while back. But, not all guys are like that. And it's *********s like your Ex that give nice guys a bad name.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

crossbar said:


> But, it still doesn't change the fact that a man will ask regardless. I'm sorry that you had an abusive relationship a while back. But, not all guys are like that. And it's *********s like your Ex that give nice guys a bad name.


My point is, if you know something was traumatizing in the past, why push for it in a current relationship and for selfish reasons such as "you did it with so and so". The OP's wife had a horrific experience. Mind movies etc., I can imagine. Why put her in a position to relive all of that? It sounds horrible. 
Ex was a bastard. You want to know who would be worse though? If my husband, the man who pledged love and honor, wanted me to relive that. This OP really needs to think what he is asking. Really, really think.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> My point is, if you know something was traumatizing in the past, why push for it in a current relationship and for selfish reasons such as "you did it with so and so". The OP's wife had a horrific experience. Mind movies etc., I can imagine. Why put her in a position to relive all of that? It sounds horrible.
> Ex was a bastard. You want to know who would be worse though? If my husband, the man who pledged love and honor, wanted me to relive that. This OP really needs to think what he is asking. Really, really think.


And my point is, is that the OP is having a hard time coming to terms that she was willing to fullfill her Ex's fantasy's and not his. Having a hard time with the rejection from his wife. That there is no middle ground. And I read through the thread again and I must have miss the post where he said that she had mind movies over the event. It was just something that she didn't enjoy with the other guy.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

crossbar said:


> And my point is, is that the OP is having a hard time coming to terms that she was willing to fullfill her Ex's fantasy's and not his. Having a hard time with the rejection from his wife. That there is no middle ground. And I read through the thread again and I must have miss the post where he said that she had mind movies over the event. It was just something that she didn't enjoy with the other guy.


She tried something with her ex, it hurt her, she didn't like it and she doesn't want to do it again. I don't see what is complicated here. She isn't "rejecting him". She is saying this is my boundary and I won't cross it. 
I didn't say she was currently having mind movies, I said that if he continues to force the issue and she gives in, I am pretty sure she will go back to that experience with the ex. 
I guess everything we did with our exes should be fair game with our current partners, right? My ex was in to kinky stuff that would make my current husband run screaming away. Apparently I should pressure him and sulk because "my ex let me do it". Right? 
Honestly, this is not going to end well if pursued. Mark my words.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> She tried something with her ex, it hurt her, she didn't like it and she doesn't want to do it again. I don't see what is complicated here. She isn't "rejecting him". She is saying this is my boundary and I won't cross it.
> I didn't say she was currently having mind movies, I said that if he continues to force the issue and she gives in, I am pretty sure she will go back to that experience with the ex.
> I guess everything we did with our exes should be fair game with our current partners, right? My ex was in to kinky stuff that would make my current husband run screaming away. Apparently I should pressure him and sulk because "my ex let me do it". Right?
> Honestly, this is not going to end well if pursued. Mark my words.


Okay, so your advice to the OP's feelings of rejection is "get over it!"


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

crossbar said:


> Okay, so your advice to the OP's feelings of rejection is "get over it!"


Not at all. More like, search deeply within yourself to figure out why you are so insecure that you would ask of your beloved to do what has hurt her, solely and only because she did it with someone else. Why would you continue to press the issue knowing that she had issues from it. Why is this a "rejection" to you rather what it really is...a trautic event from the past that she doesn't want to relive. 

I think a lot of soul searching is necessary here, certainly not "get over it".


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Okay, so your advice to the OP's feelings of rejection is "get over it!"


Yep. That's exactly what I'd recommend.
What's the alternative? Build up resentment and disdain in and otherwise happy marriage - one that now includes kids - over this? Beg, plead and harass until his wife finds him so repugnant and obsessive she wants no sex at all?
I'm not unsympathetic to the guy, but at the end of the day she does not want that particular sex act. Deal with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

crossbar said:


> And my point is, is that the OP is having a hard time coming to terms that she was willing to fullfill her Ex's fantasy's and not his. Having a hard time with the rejection from his wife.


 It wasn't a big deal to him until he found out someone else had been there. That tells me this is not a fantasy, rather an obsession with his own ego.

If my husband required me to do everything with him that I have done with someone else, I wouldn't be married to him. There is such a thing as caring enough about your spouse to respect their boundaries. Anal sex HURTS me. I freaking hate it, and I have had the most gentle and considerate lover try. I bleed for days. I will not do it. If my husband walked in a demanded it ( since some men think they are entitled to it) he would be walking out the door with a suitcase. 

If you can't live without tapping my stink, you aren't tapping my pink.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Wow, the Pooper thread is still alive? 13 pages of opinions no less.. Buy a goat and put lipstick on it.. problem solved...


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Covertx said:


> How do you know it's going to hurt her. If you read my posts, we have never attempted anal sex. It's not as if we got close but it hurt her and now I'm demanding she continue trying it and to ignore the pain. She hasn't tried it with me. No one knows for a fact if it would hurt or not. I'm upset that she isn't willing to try.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have not seen this asked yet, but have thought it and your posts reinforces my suspicion...

Do you believe your wife when she says that anal sex hurt? If the answer is "no", you need to seriously consider whether you have good reason to doubt her. If she has a habit of lying and you think this is the same, you need to be honest with her.

If you don't doubt her, you need to listen to her. As opposed to the great BJ controversy (which is really largely about ick factor and personal biases), anal sex carries real risk of physical harm and infection (for you and her) in addition to the pain.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This is an astounding thread.

To think that one woman's rectum has fomented so much controversy.

I for one recommend that the OP take several pics of the orifice in question, and post links to said pics for we posters to peruse at our liesure. Only then can we objectively provide informed opinions as to whether he should try to put it to her or not.


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## cam44 (Feb 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> This is an astounding thread.
> 
> To think that one woman's rectum has fomented so much controversy.
> 
> I for one recommend that the OP take several pics of the orifice in question, and post links to said pics for we posters to peruse at our liesure. Only then can we objectively provide informed opinions as to whether he should try to put it to her or not.


:rofl:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Who owns her bum, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in her mind to suffer
The poking of her offices,
Or to take arms against a self-centered mans request 
And by opposing end it. To live in peace - and argue ,
No more; and by a peace to say she ends
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks 
Of the misfortune of having a husband 
so blinded by his jealousy 

This is not about anal sex this is about control, propriety, empathy and compassion towards his wife., His sense of sexual rejection seems to trump the impropriety of bringing up a painful experience so soon after she has had his child. Then he plans of retaliation, against his own wife the mother of his 6 months old child is rather frightening. That is a normal reaction of a responsible, decent man?

He sounds like a 2 year- old having a tantrum. Poor wife.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Chances are the OP probably showed this thread to his wife. She probably said, "Holy Christmas! Okay! We can try as soon as my backside is better so these people can shut up about my ass!"


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## cam44 (Feb 10, 2012)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Not at all. More like, search deeply within yourself to figure out why you are so insecure that you would ask of your beloved to do what has hurt her, solely and only because she did it with someone else. Why would you continue to press the issue knowing that she had issues from it. Why is this a "rejection" to you rather what it really is...a trautic event from the past that she doesn't want to relive.
> 
> I think a lot of soul searching is necessary here, certainly not "get over it".


you seriously need some therapy of your own.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

I would not ask my wife to do anything that I would not be willing to do. Don't know if anyone has suggested this yet or not. But the OP should stick a big chubby up his rectum and see how he likes it. If he enjoys 5-10 minutes of this, then he should be able to ask his wife to do the same.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I Know said:


> I would not ask my wife to do anything that I would not be willing to do. Don't know if anyone has suggested this yet or not. But the OP should stick a big chubby up his rectum and see how he likes it. If he enjoys 5-10 minutes of this, then he should be able to ask his wife to do the same.


Dont forget the lube and go slow. Expect some discomfort but do it anyway as an act of love for your wife.

You should be willing to make sacrifices for each other. if being poked in the but is not your thing, just remember you are doing it to make your wife more comfortable. This is part of the give and take of sex. Good luck!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bandit said:


> Wow, the Pooper thread is still alive? 13 pages of opinions no less.. Buy a goat and put lipstick on it.. problem solved...


:rofl:


The guy is being anal!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Who owns her bum, that is the question:
> Whether 'tis nobler in her mind to suffer
> The poking of her offices,
> Or to take arms against a self-centered mans request
> ...


:iagree:


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## CherryBomb (Feb 24, 2012)

I literally just signed up for this website yesterday and haven't even posted about my own issues yet (or introduced myself!), but I feel strongly compelled to respond to your post for this reason: I am a woman who has had anal sex experience with a previous partner and will not do it with my boyfriend of five years. I feel like my perspective may be more helpful than mere speculation.

I had anal sex three times with the boyfriend I had before my current boyfriend. I'll just call the ex "Ex" and my boyfriend "BF", for anonymity's sake. It was horrible each time, and I once bled for three days afterward. Ex didn't care that it was painful. He didn't care that sex should be pleasurable for both parties. He just enjoyed "putting me in my place" and getting away with breaking the taboo for his own pleasure. I was a weaker person then, and I thought I had to be self-sacrificing to be a good girlfriend. The relationship was physically and emotionally abusive.

Fast forward- I have been with my BF five years. We are a deeply committed, monogamous couple. We have played many games involving role-play, public sex, bondage, toys, spanking, etc. He has expressed jealousy over the fact that I let Ex have anal sex with me and not him. I explained to him that I have grown as a person. I am strong enough now to not allow things to be done to me that make me feel hurt and humiliated just to feel like a "good girlfriend". I told him that he never has to fear that I am faking things for him- that everything I enjoy, I trully enjoy. He can trust in my desire for him and in the pleasure I tell him he brings me. I never want to equate him with the uncaring Ex who just wanted to "stick it to me".

And, because he understands and doesn't push, I never will. He came to understand that our relationship runs deeper than that one; that we have a respect and honesty and understanding that trump a few painful sessions of some jerk humping away while I cry. The way I view the Ex is something BF now understands he should never be jealous of. If he pushed for anal sex, I would feel disrespected and unloved. I would pull away from him. BF no longer feels jealous and his desire for anal sex is gone- he was never that interested in the act itself (he thinks it's a little gross, ha ha) as much as "breaking the taboo" and being even with Ex. But he is far above Ex to me, and he knows that now.

Your wife said it hurt. Try to remember that you are feeling jealous over a man who hurt her. You don't want to be that man in her mind. You want to be the better one, the one that brings her pleasure and makes her feel happy and respected and understood. If you can do that for her, there is nothing to be jealous over. Try to curb your resentment: perhaps she too has grown as a person and wants a deeper, more honest relationship with you than the one in her past.

(Sorry for the length. This just hits close to home for me.)


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Thanks Cherry Bomb....


You zoomed in on the stupidest thread ever posted on this site, one that should have been killed and buried weeks ago, and resurrected it so more stupid people could keep posting stupid comments on it.

*What is so special about this woman's a*shole?* :scratchhead:


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks Cherry Bomb....
> 
> 
> You zoomed in on the stupidest thread ever posted on this site, one that should have been killed and buried weeks ago, and resurrected it so more stupid people could keep posting stupid comments on it.
> ...


Instead of trying to b***h out other members, why don't you simply STOP READING THE THREAD. It really is that easy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks Cherry Bomb....
> 
> 
> You zoomed in on the stupidest thread ever posted on this site, one that should have been killed and buried weeks ago, and resurrected it so more stupid people could keep posting stupid comments on it.
> ...


It is obviously a sore spot for many women and seems to be a major point of departure based on who is getting poked. 

I have to concur with Dawn. If you don't have a pony in this race why are you reading and posting? To stay with the Shakespearian theme "Methinks thou doest protest too much". 

You seem to fall into the category of the very people, who you say are posting stupid comments, don't you think? 

Although rhetorical, I will answer your question - it isn't her azzhole. That is what you are missing.

Don't drink and post.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I haven't read all the posts. Forgive me

But regarding the OP, she doesn't like it.

And now, especially after a baby, she could have hemorroids or whatever.

But she tried anal, didn't like it. You aren't missing much, seriously.

And this is why people shouldn't talk about their past sexlives with their new mates. it's enough just to prove you're clean. But...don't ask, don't tell. Honestly, people like to torture themselves.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> You seem to fall into the category of the very people, who you say are posting stupid comments, don't you think?


My my. Testy aren't ya?

Weeks ago I read this stupid thread about halfway through before I got naseaus listening to the girly-man OP whine about how his buddy got to his wife's poop shoot before he did. 

I thought this ridiculous thread was dead weeks ago. Then this morning I smelled a stench... like a big swollen dead animal carcas festering in the sun. Came by to check it out and saw that the thread had been dug up and some of the buffalo were still standing around sniffing at it. 

I'll say no more. Bye bye herd.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

crossbar said:


> Which I do get, but women also state that there's no greater pain than that of a woman giving birth. So, if it is that intense and so unpleasant, why would woman subjugate themselves to it more than once?
> 
> I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything. I'm just trying to understand. So, don't blast me too bad.


W.O.W.
Okay. I'm going to teach you a tad of physiology, since you skipped that day in sex ed. When a woman gives birth, horomones (oxytocin) are released which (proven, not making this up,) reduce the memory of the pain of labor (so that they WILL do it again.) Look it up. Doesn't work this way for the other, though. 

And about the episiotomy.. yeah. no fun. But do this--open your mouth. (pretend that's your vajayjay.) Now close your mouth crooked like this :-S If your doc sews you up a little "off" (not uncommon, and coming from experience,) that's how it heals. Makes sex painful--even in the RIGHT places. Women have all kinds of "issues" with healing after childbirth. Friend of mine had a nurse spread things out a little to forcefully to give her a catheter (the area swells and you can't pee...) and split her just behind that lovely little button you guys like so much.. like a paper cut that keeps REOPENING every time you hit it wrong, YEARS later. (Things they don't tell you before you get pregnant, and probably wouldn't stop you anyways.)


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

FrankKissel said:


> Yep. That's exactly what I'd recommend.
> What's the alternative? Build up resentment and disdain in and otherwise happy marriage - one that now includes kids - over this? Beg, plead and harass until his wife finds him so repugnant and obsessive she wants no sex at all?
> I'm not unsympathetic to the guy, but at the end of the day she does not want that particular sex act. Deal with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


THANK you . You restore my faith in men.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Dude it must've hurt her the first time and she doesn't want to go through agonizing pain again. Is that so bad?

Besides, how can you get any pleasure if the woman you love is wincing in pain?


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