# Could you have this conversation with your partner?



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

I see a lot of relationships on here with BAD communication.

People post and ask questions HERE because they cannot ask their partner the same question and that's just bad. 

A lot of it has to do with sex, and there's simply no conversation between partners because they're uptight or fearful or whatever and that's just a shame and it's a problem that can and often does lead to BIGGER problems down the line.

Anyway, I had this interesting exchange with my girlfriend of 5 years with whom I live. We talk about EVERYTHING.

I recently rebuilt my itunes Library and while doing so I went back through some old recorded CDs to pull songs off of them and found a few CDs that were unreadable. After reading about how CDs and DVDs cannot be trusted long term to hold data, I decided it would be best to copy my old porn DVD collection to my hard drive, and while doing so I cut out unwanted scenes to save space and "enhance my viewing experience". For the record I rarely jerk off- this was more of a data backup project.

So the other night, she's asleep next to me and I'm compiling DVD porn data on my laptop and she rolls over, her eyes open as she looks at my laptop screen and asks me what I'm doing, while also grabbing my penis to see if I'm hard and/or jerking off. I wasn't. This was a serious project!

I tell her I'm breaking up the individual movie scenes into separate clips so they each have their own icon in Windows File explorer so I can see what each scene is rather than searching through the movies to find a particular scene.

She says, well if you're jerking off that's a lot of clicking whereas if you've only got one hand available it's easier to have it as one long clip. We actually went back and forth for a few minutes debating the merits of individual clips versus one long movie for maximum jerk off efficiency. In the end I kept them as single clips but I appreciated her input even though I found it to be a bit controlling on her part.

Could you have this conversation with your spouse or SO?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, I could. It would be about other sensitive topics, though, as I don't have a porn collection.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

:scratchhead:


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

No, only because she thinks porn is bad and gives men unreasonable outlooks on sex.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

3 replies.

1- They can talk about pretty much anything, communication is good, although porn isn't an issue.
2- This poster doesn't get it.
3- No because they are not able to agree on pornography. I'll guess there are other sexual differences with this couple.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

caruso said:


> 3 replies.
> 
> 2- This poster doesn't get it.


I am a big tech geek and my W could care less, so that would be more the reason why we would not have the conversation you had lol.


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## sdrawkcab (Jun 16, 2016)

Just like almost any topic that has the potential for polar perspectives, it requires a lot of vulnerability to have an honest conversation (even with a significant other or a spouse).

Vulnerability can awaken shame and fear as well as open up the doors to belonging and acceptance. We all come with our experiences and perspectives. This topic could have a history that was unhealthy, therefore preventing understanding of an opposing view. 

It makes me think of the TedTalk by Brene Brown regarding vulnerability...very good


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I am a big tech geek and my W could care less, so that would be more the reason why we would not have the conversation you had lol.


Your response was a head scratching smiley which symbolizes confusion.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

caruso said:


> Your response was a head scratching smiley which symbolizes confusion.


Sorry, will do a better job next time at choosing a more appropriate emoji :grin2:


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

this conversation falls under the "don't ask don't tell " rule


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## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

My wife would be ticked off at me working in bed. We could (and do) easily talk about masturbation, both directions. But doing work (even personal work) in bed is a big no-no for us.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

NothingsOriginal said:


> My wife would be ticked off at me working in bed. We could (and do) easily talk about masturbation, both directions. But doing work (even personal work) in bed is a big no-no for us.


If your wife is asleep, and you're working on your laptop, she'd be angry with you.

Interesting.

How do you feel about that particular rule?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Curious, I don't quite follow the whole W grabbing you to see if you were hard. If you were hard, would she have reacted differently?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Probably would have been angry because he didn't initiate with her...even if he had no intention of touching himself, but was just erect. Probably even a bigger deal if he would find himself wanting her after looking at the porn and getting excited. She wants to be his exciter and not his toy. 

But, he would have a fifty-fifty chance of her telling him yes, if he initiated before doing his work with the porn. Then, if he did the work after she said no, she would believe he was doing it so he could satisfy himself. That could be a huge issue. 

My guess.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Curious, I don't quite follow the whole W grabbing you to see if you were hard. If you were hard, would she have reacted differently?


She would have either said "If you want sex why not ask me for it" or she would have just helped herself.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Wait...

You use _Windows_...?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Wait...
> 
> You use _Windows_...?


Yes I use Windows, along with about 1.5 BILLION other people who represent 90% of the world's computer users. 

Now as we were saying...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

caruso said:


> Yes I use Windows, along with about 1.5 BILLION other people who represent 90% of the world's computer users.
> 
> Now as we were saying...


My sincerest condolences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

caruso said:


> Could you have this conversation with your spouse or SO?


My wife would not be unhappy if I told her those things. She would just not be interested, as she has no interest to talk about sex.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> My sincerest condolences.


I use Windows 10 pro on over a dozen pc's between work and home.

Fast, stable, easy to use, with no significant issues other than some reconfiguring following Microsoft's sometimes aggressive updates. My sentiment is echoed by all but a select few such as yourself, who feel the need to express sympathy when in fact I could not be any happier with the operating system. 

Sounds to me like you just don't understand it.

Perhaps spend a bit more time on it.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> My wife would not be unhappy if I told her those things. She would just not be interested, as she has no interest to talk about sex.





GusPolinski said:


> My sincerest condolences


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

caruso said:


> I use Windows 10 oro on over a dozen pc's between work and home.
> 
> Fast, stable, easy to use, with no significant issues other than some reconfiguring following Microsoft's sometimes aggressive updates. My sentiment is echoed by all but a select few such as yourself, who feel the need to express sympathy when in fact I could not be any happier with the operating system.
> 
> Sounds to me like you just don't understand it.


Actually, I understand it a bit too well.



caruso said:


> IPerhaps spend a bit more time on it.


I'm good, thanks. :smthumbup:

But hey, porn!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Actually, I understand it a bit too well.


How does it feel to be smarter than 90% of the world's population who were somehow tricked into using an inferior operating system?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

caruso said:


> How does it feel to be smarter than 90% of the world's population who were somehow tricked into using an inferior operating system?


Right now?

Feels like Wednesday.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

caruso said:


> I decided it would be best to copy my old porn DVD collection to my hard drive, and while doing so I cut out unwanted scenes to save space and "enhance my viewing experience". For the record I *rarely jerk off- this was more of a data backup project.*


I love this quote.

All I can think of- of course you rarely jerk off, says the guy who not only is converting his porn collection to digital files, he's cutting out unwanted scenes to save space and enhance his viewing experience

Oh,[/sarcasm on] a data back up project -I'm sure that's all it was [/sarcasm off]

I had to chuckle at this.

I could have this conversation with my SO.
She would have a few valid question - with all the free porn, why do you still have porn DVD's and why waste your time making all these custom files?


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

snerg said:


> She would have a few valid question - with all the free porn, why do you still have porn DVD's and why waste your time making all these custom files?


It's all about sentimental value.


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## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

caruso said:


> If your wife is asleep, and you're working on your laptop, she'd be angry with you.
> 
> Interesting.
> 
> How do you feel about that particular rule?


I helped make the rule, so I am totally fine with it.

Both of us have had issues with sleeping over the years, so at some point around the time laptops were invented we agreed that they were not allowed in the bedroom.(along with TV's, Cell phones, or video games). It also was an example to our tech-savvy kids, as we allowed them to have none of those things in their rooms with the door closed either. 
We have the luxury of having a small home-office space, which is the appropriate spot for that activity.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Sure we can have that sort of conversation. We can easily talk about sex and porn is no issue for us. I've woken up to him watching porn. I usually just lend him "a hand" (or a mouth).


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Celes said:


> Sure we can have that sort of conversation. We can easily talk about sex and porn is no issue for us. I've woken up to him watching porn. I usually just lend him "a hand" (or a mouth).


How's your sex life (aside from you blowing him or jerking him off while he's watching other people get it on).


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

caruso said:


> How's your sex life (aside from you blowing him or jerking him off while he's watching other people get it on).


Pretty damn good. We are both HD. Know each other's turn ons etc. We did have a hiccup a few weeks back (H was a big ol grump and that wasn't hot), but we worked things out.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

caruso said:


> 3- No because they are not able to agree on pornography. I'll guess there are other sexual differences with this couple.


You would be correct. I have two threads describing this.


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