# Sex Life After Prostatectomy



## jsa750k

At 55 , I let Urologist talk me into a prostatectomy as a cure for the cancer. Ever since,my drive isnt what it was,I dont feel turned on by my wife so much,actually not turned on at all,by lots of things like I used to get. We are still close,talk,hold each other in bed,... Sometimes she'll try and get it started with " c'mon,lets [email protected]#k",smiling,happy fun stuff like that. I dont know why I just cant get into it anymore. I have checked my t score and it says all normal. I dont know if its age coming to haunt me,body issues( my own) since the operation,I of course dont ejaculate and during oral or handjob could maybe leak a little pee, as well as my penis is now shorter and misshappen. Sorry for the mental pictures but thats whats going on. I'm really scared of her feeling ignored,although like I said,we always talk and hold in bed,on couch,hug... I'm sure its all me but,anyone else have a similar situation ?


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## morituri

Do you suffer from ED? If you do? Have you talked to your physician? If you don't? Are you at least trying to satisfy your wife when she wants intercourse?


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## code7600

I'm 64, and 4 weeks post prostate removal. I sure hope it gets better. still incontinent, and impotent. Doc says not to worry, it takes time. I still try to please my wife other ways.
Try readding the Intimacy & Impotence book (see amazon). ED can be coped with, I;m starting with viagra etc, then one can use vacuum device , injections, or at last an implant.
I've been cautioned that old ways of getting turned on - mental or visual won't work any more. Physical stim of your organ is probably needed.
good luck, you are travalling the road before I do. Oh - also look at ustoo.org, the PCAI wiki.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsa750k

No problem with getting it up,just the incontinence for awhile after the surgery, do your Kegels ! Dont use the injections if you do have ED. It will cause Peyronies,like what has happened in my case. There is another good book called " Saving Your Sex Life" I'm sorry I cant remember the author though. Anyway,I hope your Urol. has more knowledge of the sexual side effects of the surgery and cares more than mine did. Yes,I have always liked pleasing her with oral,I just dont have much desire anymore.After being so sexual during my life,to my penis looking different ... I dont know. I guess I should just not have the lights on anymore.She says I does'nt matter about any of this,why am I so anxious about it?


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## Lon

code7600 said:


> ...I've been cautioned that old ways of getting turned on - mental or visual won't work any more. Physical stim of your organ is probably needed.


I'm much younger than you guys and went through a separation earlier this year, divorce is soon, started dating again, but it has gotten sexual and realizing that mental or visual is not doing it for me... it also makes it especially hard to be "safe" because I just can't keep it up with a condom on. In fact I realize it has been this way even for the last year or so of the marriage, which happened to become pretty much sexless - seems like a chicken/egg thing, until I started with new sex life I just assumed it was all psychological, that I really wasn't attracted to my stbxw but my new lady friend is incredibly attractive and we are very comfortable with each other, but I'm realizing that I just can't keep it up without constant stim? I'm seeing the doctor to follow up on testosterone results, he said "normal" but I haven't discussed the numbers with him yet.

My general health is ok, was slipping for a couple years as things got bad but I've made improvements in the past year, been mindful of kegels more and realize that they seem weaker than they used to. I do feel like I'm aging too quick, have a lot less vigour (didn't have a whole lot to begin with) Any ideas on what other factors besides aging are going on?


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## jsa750k

Some guys on here rave about testosterone replacement. Mine was 600 something and DR said that was fine but they use blanket figures for their "normal" and "abnormal " parameters.I dont know,I dont have a lot of desire,but I have also been unemployed for awhile, no insurance,savings,etc... So anxiety is probably playing a part . But search the posts on here about it.


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## Runs like Dog

600 is quite high for a man at any age.


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## maggot brain

jsa do you regret having surgery? I had the same procedure about 5 months ago and I am happy to have hopefully cured the disease. My drive is pretty much the same, but my performance was less than it had been (not as erect, shorter duration). After a while I accepted my doc's recommendation for levitra. I used half a tab last night for a trial run. It went very well, great erection/duration. It was like old times for sure when I pissed my wife off by waking her up at 4am seeking round two.


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## code7600

This was for JSA... but I don't regret the surgery. Metastasized cancer
is too scary. I'm largely continent now, if I don't lift heavy objects.
Now 3 months post-op. Impotence is better too. Viagra 50mg
doesn't do it. 100mg, somewhat. However injections do work.
Not fun, but worth the pain to be functional again.
I did not try vacuum device. 'hinge' effect and cold penis were 
turnoffs.


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## maggot brain

Update: enjoying "drug-free" sex with sustained erections. I realize now that my drive has probably dropped off some. We have sex about 1-2 times a week now and it is pretty good. I last a long time. My doctor says exercise is probably the biggest factor.


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## Machiavelli

maggot brain said:


> Update: enjoying "drug-free" sex with sustained erections. I realize now that my drive has probably dropped off some. We have sex about 1-2 times a week now and it is pretty good. I last a long time. My doctor says exercise is probably the biggest factor.


I've been lurking a while, but registered just to comment on this post. I'm 4.5 years out from prostatectomy. The peyronies kicked in about 2 months before the cancer diagnosis, so it travels with prostate cancer and is not necessarily a result of the injections. My surgery was only unilaterally nerve sparing, so it took two years of work looking at porn, vacuuming, daily cialis (backed with levitra for special occasions), etc to get the first solid erection. At this point, I can get it up without the drugs usually, but its tough to keep them, sometimes. Also manual stimulation is required. Between the prostatectomy and the peyronies, length and girth are down about 1/3 from pre-cancer dimensions. That's probably the biggest downer. The days of dropping that thing out the fly and pounding the wife on demand are gone forever.

Concerning the OP's low drive, even at 600 T, this is mostly psychological. It's very tough on your self-image when your mighty machine has turned into a dead shrimp.


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## maggot brain

That's rough Mach, but at least treatment has led to improvement. You didn't mention your age, but hopefully medical breakthroughs in the coming years will help things. Imagine what it was like to have ED when Viagra hit the market.


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## Machiavelli

Mag,

I'm 55, got diagnosed right after hitting 51. You're right that we're lucky we live in a time of great medical advances. Hopefully, there will be a few more. One thing that I believe has helped keep the sex drive up is weight training.


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