# Did your LTR/Marriage start as a friendship? Or dating?



## Casual Observer

Curious how many of us began our journey with our partner as a friend vs the dating game? And what differences that might have made?

Differences being things like, when you start out as friends, there might not be any real chemistry for a while, and it might ramp up more slowly. Is that better, or worse? Also, as friends, you may know more about each other, and you might even have greater expectations for honesty about their history, because a primary subject of conversation will naturally be how you're dating life is going. Not something that would come up so honestly during dating, right?


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## minimalME

This thread suits me more than the other, so I'll post here.

Any male that might come into my life now will be treated as a friend.

The rest of it has become so dehumanizing to me, that I'm unwilling to participate in 'dating'.

So in my world, friendship is all that being offered. And if men are put off by that, it's totally fine!

The only standard I care about anymore is mine.

And it would take a long time for a friendship to become anything more serious.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

The few LTRs I've had, as well as my marriage, all started out as dating.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

minimalME said:


> This thread suits me more than the other, so I'll post here.
> 
> Any male that might come into my life now will be treated as a friend.
> 
> The rest of it has become so dehumanizing to me, that I'm unwilling to participate in 'dating'.
> 
> So in my world, friendship is all that being offered. And if men are put off by that, it's totally fine!
> 
> The only standard I care about anymore is mine.
> 
> And it would take a long time for a friendship to become anything more serious.


I got banned for asking this once before, but since you're just a regular poster rather than a moderator, I'm gonna' risk it again:

Why are you on a marriage site?

(to be clear, I'm not criticizing your position there; it just doesn't seem in line with the purpose of this site)


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## minimalME

Honestly, I don't remember why I initially came here. 

My year officially joining was 2012, and that was 2 years after my divorce. I don't know how much reading I did here before that. 

I stay because you're all my age (while most other online venues are much, much younger), and this is an active site, which offers me some semblance of social interaction.

And when I first joined, the social section was much, much more active - and fun. 



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Why are you on a marriage site?


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## notmyjamie

I've had 4 relationships in my life...2 started off with dating and 2 were friends first that morphed into dating and one of those led to marriage. 

Things definitely heated up much slower with the friends than with the dating guys but things became much more serious with the friends over time. Each of those relationships included a proposal and some serious relationship issues. Things did not get serious with the first man I dated. I never felt secure in that relationship. The man I'm dating now started off as a dating thing but he is quickly becoming one of my best friends. 

I think these differences have more to do with each individual man than how we started off.


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## Adelais

Friendship. He got a job where I was working, and we became friends. He was really a decent guy, from my experience of working with him in situatioins of pressure. It quickly turned into dating, as there was strong chemistry.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

minimalME said:


> Honestly, I don't remember why I initially came here.
> 
> My year officially joining was 2012, and that was 2 years after my divorce. I don't how much reading I did here before that.
> 
> I stay because you're all my age (while most other online venues are much, much younger), and this is an active site, which offers me some semblence of social interaction.
> 
> And when I first joined, the social section was much, much more active - and fun.


Thanks.

It is interesting how many of us are clustered around a certain age.

I do try to keep up my participation in the social section. Actually, have made a concerted attempt to avoid the politics section and replace that with the fun stuff! So far, so good.


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## Cynthia

My husband and I have been married for 35 years.
We met when I was 17 and he was 20.
I babysat for a family that lived behind us. My husband rented a room from them, which is how we met. Dh was in the Army and was a long way from home, so I befriended him. He would come over to our house to play pool or just hang out. We enjoyed each other and got to know each other for about eight months before we started dating. Eventually it turned into romance and the rest is history.



Casual Observer said:


> Curious how many of us began our journey with our partner as a friend vs the dating game? And what differences that might have made?
> 
> Differences being things like, when you start out as friends, there might not be any real chemistry for a while, and it might ramp up more slowly. Is that better, or worse? Also, as friends, you may know more about each other, and you might even have greater expectations for honesty about their history, because a primary subject of conversation will naturally be how you're dating life is going. Not something that would come up so honestly during dating, right?


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## Personal

My wife who was close to 26 at the time and I who was close to 25, met each other at work when she started in her first post BASc graduate role.

Anyway to begin with I didn't really speak to her at first. since I went away on an Army Reserve (I was ex Regular Army) promotion courses to become an infantry Platoon Sergeant. Then her father died of a heart attack (he was in his 70s), so she took time off to stay with her mother to help her.

That said when I met her, I thought she was pretty with classic movie star looks and I also thought I might see how I go with her.

She also thought I was really good looking though arrogant as well. So naturally she started talking to me, which she followed by asking me to lunch with her for about a week.

At the same time she'd just started into a sexual relationship with another guy. While I was casually dating one of my former sexual partners from a few years before.

Then when another woman from work started asking around if I was available. My wife asked me out on a proper date. Again at lunchtime, although she made it clear it was a romantic thing. So I said yes, which we followed with another date later that evening. Which led to sex on our third date, followed by her dumping the other guy.

I was also the only man she had ever asked out and I was also the only short man she had ever dated. I'm 5'3" while she is 5'7", all of her previous beaus were circa 6' and taller.

At the time ours was meant to be nothing more, than some sexual fun through winter. Since neither of us were looking for anything more, than a good roll in the hay together for a short while.

Then around the time when we were both considering whether to move on or not, we went on a date that changed our world. When she was hit by a speeding car, while crossing a road at a pedestrian crossing.

She wasn't the only one who was hit that night either, since there was an "old" married couple (we're now their age) that got hit as well. One suffered from brain damage and became a paraplegic, while the other became a quadriplegic.

While my wife got lucky in just having smashed knees, some memory loss, and needing some plastic surgery, to repair her broken nose/face. Of which she only has a tiny scar from those repairs. I was even luckier, since the car missed me in slow motion by a couple of fingertips width.

At the time while probably in a bit of shock, with my wife's blood all over some of my clothing and shoes. I did all that I could to render first aid to everyone and to divert traffic and control the scene, until the Ambulance and Police arrived. Although I still feel I didn't do enough for the other couple.

After that I had to look after my wife (helping her with showers and going to the toilet), till she was able to walk again. Since her very religious Catholic siblings who lived in the same city, couldn't even be bothered visiting her to see if she was okay.

After that we just kind of kept going together, since we continued to enjoy each others company, had lots of fun together and enjoyed the sex we shared.

Anyway 23+ years later, we are still happily together at 20+ years married. Still having lots of fun and sharing oodles of plentiful and great sex. While still supporting each other, through all the challenges we sometimes have to face.

...

On the other hand my ex-wife and I met at a party, when she was 16 and I was 17. She is also taller than me as well at a bit over 5'6". Anyway she asked a friend to ask me to talk to her, so I did. Which saw her telling me how beautiful I was and telling me I had an amazing smile and eyes. She was an incredible beauty herself. Anyway after a short while, we started kissing and a couple of hours later we were having sex through the night into dawn.

Naturally after that we started going out together, while having an incredibly rich sex life. Which eventually led to us getting married, when she got pregnant when I was 19 (since I didn't want her to get an abortion).

Of which it didn't last very long, since she cheated on me at a party close to our 1st wedding anniversary while I was away for work. Funnily enough if she didn't confess when I got home, I doubt I would ever have known what she did. Then aside from a half hearted go at dating/having sex with her for a couple of weeks, we divorced just over a year later.

...

The only time I've had sex with someone who was just friends (and we are still friends), was with one friend of mine. Who had just separated from her husband, who wanted to use me for sex to get back at him. Although I played along to a point, aside from that one night I chose to keep out of it.


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## CharlieParker

We started out as coworkers, then became friends, then slept together and then started dating. It won’t last.


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## Personal

@CharlieParker, it's funny how doing it wrong actually works well.


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## CharlieParker

minimalME said:


> Honestly, I don't remember why I initially came here.


But I know why you stayed! <insert dancing banana emoticon, please>.


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## Tilted 1

I dipped into her open car window, laid a kiss on her lips, and when l was done, looked her in the eyes and said (you belong to me). As he said she melted, and then sniffed my neck and said ( hummm) that's it the beginning.


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## MJJEAN

Casual Observer said:


> Curious how many of us began our journey with our partner as a friend vs the dating game? And what differences that might have made?


I began my LTR's as dating. There was 1 exception for a LTR with a man I was friends with for over a year before we started seeing each other romantically. I'd have dated him immediately, the chemistry was intense, but he was dating my close friend when we met.



Casual Observer said:


> Differences being things like, when you start out as friends, there might not be any real chemistry for a while, and it might ramp up more slowly. Is that better, or worse?


For me, either there is chemistry or there isn't. Any "slow ramp up" chemistry that might result from a friendship is weaker and meh. 



Casual Observer said:


> Also, as friends, you may know more about each other, and you might even have greater expectations for honesty about their history, because a primary subject of conversation will naturally be how you're dating life is going. Not something that would come up so honestly during dating, right?


Openly and honestly discussing sex, dating, and relationship history is an important part of the getting to know each other and vetting process. Casual partners is one thing. It's not really mu business and I don't need to know. But in a potentially serious relationship I want the details exchanged so we can gauge compatibility and determine if there's any dealbreakers.


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## jlg07

Friends -- we worked together, I was just towards the end an LTR - another 6 months before over (ALSO from being friends at a different job), she had just ended an LTR a few months before.
We were friends for about 1.5 years before we started dating, and that was pretty much it......:smile2: 35 years (31 married) later...


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## badsanta

CharlieParker said:


> We started out as coworkers, then became friends, then slept together and then started dating. It won’t last.


Nice! 

My wife and I started out as friends, then slept together, then became coworkers, and a few decades later we are just now trying to date each other.


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## cp3o

My XW picked me up on a cross-country group ramble (we were 18). The rest of the group got home a couple of hours before us. 

My 2 LTR's have grown from friendships. The one of ten years whilst protecting our kids started with instant attraction (she and her husband were customers) which we limited to enjoying each others company (no touching) for six years until she discovered her husband's infidelity. She cried on my shoulder for two hours - and that was it until, six months later, it was me crying on hers. We both had young children; she and her spouse were building a business which not only made them wealthy but secured her kids' futures whilst I had a spouse who had exposed our pre-school kids to the slight, but very real, risk of abduction etc. in order to spend ten minutes in our marital bed with her best friend's husband. As the friendship became more sexual we sat at her kitchen table and decided that the friendship was too important to us, as an effective if temporary escape from the unhappiness with our marriages, to risk being forced either to stop seeing each other or to put our kids's futures at risk. We remained "kissing friends" (mainly but with a few carefully undetectable exceptions) for another ten years before circumstances separated us other than Xmas cards.

LTR two started as friendship with a woman who, with her husband, attended the same badminton club as I. Again, there was an instant mutual attraction but since both of us were married, albeit neither happily, nothing developed until after we both, three years(?) later and quite independently, told our spouses that the marriage was over and began the process of separation and divorce. We have been together weeks short of 25 years and will be together (jointly-owned house, dog, cars etc.) as long as we are both breathing.


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## Married but Happy

All of my long term relationships started as dating. None of my opposite sex friendships ever developed into dating.


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## Young at Heart

Married 48+ years,met her 3 years prior to our marriage.

We dated, then after 6 months she went to college in a different state. We tried a long distance relationship by writing each other frequent letters. Dated whenever she came back to town to visit parents. I dated other women, when she was away. When she transferred to the university I went to we started to get very serious about each other.


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## moon7

Me and my husband started as "friends" for 2 months (we met in university and he was recently transfered into mine) then we tried dating, even though on his part he was actually "courting" me the entire time and I didnt notice. I never took people in my classroom seriously back then.


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## EveningThoughts

Been together 27 years now.
Slightly knew him, as he was casually dating my friend, but hadn't spoken much. But I loved his smile and we always hugged when meeting.

One night we shared a taxi, ended up at mine, and the sexual chemistry and sex was intense.

He dropped my friend and started trying to date me. So I eventually went on a date and we hit it off so well, that we were living together a few months later. 

I've never had a friendship first relationship.


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## Diana7

Ours was dating, we met on line. First message was Monday, first phone call Thursday, first meeting Saturday. I knew by the Sunday that he was the man for me. He is my very best friend.


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## Diana7

EveningThoughts said:


> Been together 27 years now.
> Slightly knew him, as he was casually dating my friend, but hadn't spoken much. But I loved his smile and we always hugged when meeting.
> 
> One night we shared a taxi, ended up at mine, and the sexual chemistry and sex was intense.
> 
> He dropped my friend and started trying to date me. So I eventually went on a date and we hit it off so well, that we were living together a few months later.
> 
> I've never had a friendship first relationship.


Presumably you lost your friend?


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## dadstartingover

From what I can tell, based on my admittedly biased group of readers recovering from divorce/infidelity, the "we were best buddies first" scenario is super common and doesn't seem to end well for many. If you look at the relationship from a romantic/sexual point of view (because otherwise, it's just a friendship) you want the relationship to start at a super hot and heavy level of mutual attraction. Visceral, raw attraction that lasts for years. Why? Because invariably, with the eventual comfort and familiarity of marriage/kids, that level of passion dwindles and it takes real WORK to keep it going at a healthy level. 

If you start off as buddies with no real oomph there, then you run the risk of one or both of the partners "waking up" later and realizing how important that oomph is to their feeling of well being. This is usually brought about by boundaries coming down and contact with somebody outside of marriage. Once one of the spouses feels that super-duper oomph (strong sexual attraction) with another person... watch out.


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## jlg07

Well ok, to clarify, there WAS a strong attraction there. When my wife first saw me, I was walking away down the hall and she asked the woman I just spoke with "Who is THAT?" The woman replied "he's practically married", but she loved my walk and thought it was sexy. She was always attracted to me.
For ME, she had VERY short hair (which I'm not a huge fan of), but a GREAT figure and a beautiful face! Once her hair started growing out, the attraction ALSO started growing even more, esp. since I knew my other relationship was pretty much over except for the singing. The more I got to know her, the more the attraction grew until....

I sent her an email saying that she was keeping me up at night -- and she asked ME out for drinks (she had never asked any other guy out ever).

Just because we started as friends does NOT mean there is no "oomph"...


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## EveningThoughts

Diana7 said:


> Presumably you lost your friend?


It was a bit awkward at first, but no we stayed friends. 
She was only seeing my now husband casually, so more bruised ego than broken heart.
We both got invited to her wedding a few years later.
But we did lose contact eventually.


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## Mybabysgotit

Met my wife around 6 PM one night while camping with friends (My buddy was dating her friend) We slept together that night. We both chalked it up to a one night stand, but I unfortunately gave her a disease. So a few days later, I had the antidote so I had to see her to give it to her. We then slept together that night and the rest is history. Been married for 14 years now. That disease I had for about 6 months (most miserable time of my life) eventually found me happiness....oh life's paradox are funny like that!


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## Tilted 1

Diana7 said:


> Ours was dating, we met on line. First message was Monday, first phone call Thursday, first meeting Saturday. I knew by the Sunday that he was the man for me. He is my very best friend.


I also like when people go after what they want!


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## Affaircare

I have had four LTR:

BF #1 in HS - friend. We went to the same church youth group and played baseball together. In HS, he was tall and cute, and I had a bit of a crush on him, but had known him for about 3-4 years already so I knew him as a guy and as a friend. We had a LOT in common. So he said, "Hey you know how everyone dates in HS and there's all this drama? Want to just go together and do all that stuff together so we don't have to try to be BF/GF?" I said "Sure sounds like fun." We went to dances and prom and football games together, and yeah we made out like HS kids do, but he was my friend first, and a cute athletic guys second. REALLY liked him!

ExH (#2) - date. He was the security guard at my apartment complex after college. He was tall and cute, and he asked me out. We dated for while, slept together, he moved in, and he told me he didn't want to get married but I didn't listen and stuck with him anyway. Two years later we got married, and we divorced when he cheated on me. 

Dear Hubby (#3) - friend. I met Dear Hubby online on a forum. His exW had cheated, my exH had cheated, and we more or less were just learning how to deal with all that. I knew of his existence but didn't talk to him for probably a year, yet I thought he was one of the most intelligent men I'd ever met. He had a username that intrigued me and the first time I did speak to him, I asked him what his username meant. After that, we talked online and on the phone for probably 6 months and then finally met in person. He wasn't a knock out, physically, but I seriously loved his mind and in short time I felt attracted to HIM (the person) and we married I think it was 1 1/2 years after first meeting. 

Beloved Hubby (#4) - friend. I met EB here on this forum. I know of his existence for two years, and I did occasionally talk to him out in public here. At that time, I was hoping to help him see his W's possible point of view, and my Dear Hubby was alive, so I didn't really think about EB that much at all, other than to note that he was very consistent and thoughtful--a lone kind voice, when some here on TAM were more hurt and resentful. Then, my Dear Hubby died and his wife asked for divorce. The first thing I wrote to him, personally, was that I do not say this lightly but your posts have helped people and I thought he should know that. We agreed to be friends and help each other through our individual tragedies, and we did. And along the way I started to know more and more of him and like him more and more. 

So for me, all the LTRs that lasted and were a good match started as friendships. As I began to know the person more and more deeply, I loved them more and was more and more physically attracted to them. Now EB is a very handsome man--VERY--so never an issue there, yet I don't see just his gorgeous bod when I see him -- I see the inner, beautiful person he is. I don't know if I'd see that inner, beautiful person if I wasn't his friend also.


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## SunnyT

Friends!

We met in a chat room on a site similar to this. We had a group or "regulars" that chatted often, so were friends for about a year before we ever met. Long distance relationship for a year after meeting....then I relocated to his place....and it's been happily ever after. 13 years and counting! 

I think, meeting online, in a chat atmosphere was really helpful. We all talked about everything under the sun. Personal stuff, comedy, tragedies, kid stuff, stbx stuff, legal stuff, FOO stuff, sex stuff, etc.... I think we all opened up an awful lot more in that chat room that we would on dates. Well, I did anyway.


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## heartsbeating

Flirtation and non-dates that turned into dating.

He was scanning radio stations; heard my voice on-air. My friend took the incoming calls from listeners, however, he called and asked to speak with me. Before passing the phone across, she told me his accent was hot and we jokingly fought over his call. Him and I briefly chatted, and he called again the next couple of weeks. We were a bit flirtatious, mutually attracted by voice, personality and music. We arranged to meet casually at a bar. It wasn't a date but I remember feeling intrigued, nervous and excited. We hadn't thought to describe our appearance to one another... upon meeting at the bar, he didn't run the other way ha ha. We'd only exchanged smiles and hello, when he next saw me being escorted outside towards a cop car. _I made a lasting impression_. I was warned for being underage, and too embarrassed to look his way. 

After our very brief encounter, he asked for (and I gave him) my personal phone number. We arranged to meet at another club. Again it wasn't a date, no set plan. A guy I'd dated a few months before had gotten in touch and asked to meet later that same night - different place, a set plan, my intention was to be there; never made it to meet other guy, technically I stood him up (sorry!). Batman and I danced and kissed all night. The next day, he invited me to lunch the following week. The date continued beyond lunch. He needed to run errands and asked if I was cool to keep hanging out. We chatted, listened to music, collected his dry-cleaning. He then invited me to continue the date with a movie and dinner. We were smitten fairly quickly, moved in together within a year.


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## TheDudeLebowski

First saw my wife in 10th grade English class. I'm sitting with my buddy Matt and theres this picture on the wall of an asian woman. Well, he made a joke about how it looks like Katie. We're both laughing, she's pissed. But I thought she was attractive. Typical HS kids, you have no ability to laugh at yourself or jokes about yourself. You just get mad. 

So this hot asian chick hated my guts for a solid 6 months. I dated around. Dated this really hot girl from another school. She even skipped a few days to have lunch with me. Yeah, I was a decent looking dude with that "no game" game. Women don't even recognize this game. It's the "oh, he's being sweet but he has no game so I want to f*** him" game. They dont even know it's happening to them. Next thing you know you got their number. Like I don't know what I'm doing. :wink2: sorry to give away our secrets fellas :laugh:

Anyway, I dated around. Then one night I'm out with Matt and Kirk and we go to a Powerman 5000 concert. Katie is there. I'm 16 so of course I'm blasted. I hit on her all night. In front of this kid named Ryan who I knew and liked well enough. Turns out after the concert Matt and Kirk are roasting me for hitting on this dude's girl in front of him all night. He never said anything and I didn't know. I'm not privy to all the dating gossip, because I don't care.

Well now I caught her attention, because I'm so sexy and all. So of course like a rat, I was gonna steal this woman away. She is supposed to be mine. That guy did nothing while i was hitting on his girl in front of his face. Complete puss of a kid. Maybe better looking than me? Pretty boy pushover. Well anyway, we start chatting. Turns out PM3K (powerman 5000) was doing a show in Oklahoma city. Being the master of words I was, I talked her into coming with me out of town to see them. So we both lie to our parents about spending the night at friend's houses and off we went. Took her car. I'm a baller like that. 

We get there, the concert is sold out. Cant get tickets. So we ended up going to the movies and watched 6th Sense. Then we went to a restaurant called Austin's and shared fajitas and a raspberry cheesecake. I do and have done a lot of drugs folks. I remember all of this trip like it was yesterday. That's what this means to me. Anyways, we have nowhere to stay that night. So I figured we would park in a hotel parking lot. Lots of cars. They aren't moving. We will blend in. Well security comes and knocked on the window at about 1:30am asking what we were doing there. Me being the fast talking swindler I've always been quickly made up a story and he bought it, like they always do 0 . He then took time and showed me where the ice machine and vending machines were. He gave us some water bottles and said we were fine to sleep there in the car for the night. 

It was freezing cold. I gave her back seat and stayed in the front waking up every hour or so to run the car and heater to keep us warm. We didn't have blankets or anything obviously. This was all winging it from the beginning of the trip. Finally around 3am I climbed into the back. Had to try and make a move. We shared our first kiss (she just cheated on ryan :surprise and she went to sleep on my shoulder cuddled up to stay warm. 

Next day we are driving home and I mean, the deal was already done. She was mine at that point. Ryan who? On the ride between Amarillo and Lubbock, she hops over on top of me while I'm driving and I precede to nearly wreck the car for 40 miles down the interstate as we are making out and I'm trying to drive while she's straddling me in the driver's seat. Uhhhh, can you say FREAKING HOT! 

The rest is history. officially "asked her out" (steady) on 3/21/00.


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## Wolf1974

Dating. Met online with the intent of a long term commitment. We are getting married next year


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## Openminded

Teenage friendship. And it should have remained only that. After our divorce decades later we discovered we were much better as friends than spouses.


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## Hiner112

Casual Observer said:


> Curious how many of us began our journey with our partner as a friend vs the dating game? And what differences that might have made?
> 
> Differences being things like, when you start out as friends, there might not be any real chemistry for a while, and it might ramp up more slowly. Is that better, or worse? Also, as friends, you may know more about each other, and you might even have greater expectations for honesty about their history, because a primary subject of conversation will naturally be how you're dating life is going. Not something that would come up so honestly during dating, right?


I was with my (soon to be) ex for 20+ years and was setup on a blind date by a mutual friend. Ironically, your comment about a natural subject of conversation being how the dating life is going was what brought us together, sort of. My ex was complaining to her friend (who I was tutoring in math) that she'd been dumped just before Christmas because her boyfriend had graduated high school the year before and wanted to date "a college girl". The mutual friend knew that I'd been on a couple dates a couple years ago when I was a senior and that's basically it.

The first date was a double date with the matchmaker, her boyfriend, and us. She managed to call me stupid, probably gay, and look horrified that her sister had borrowed her car and I'd have to give her a ride home. The matchmaker tricked her into a second date (she didn't want one) by telling my ex that she'd already talked to me and told me that she wanted to go on another date (she hadn't). From my perspective it seemed like she had a change of heart and asked me out on a second date. This was much less of a disaster (we spent our Christmas money at the mall and had lunch at my parent's house) so she agreed to go to a New Year's Eve party a couple days later. After the party she went back to my place and she had her first ever orgasm > and she was more or less hooked for the next 10 years. The next 10 years not so much but that is a story for another time.


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## meson

Mrs. meson and I were friends for four years before we started dating. In fact I was engaged to someone else when I met her at a house I was staying at while I looked for housing when I entered grad school. She was also seeing someone else as well. Within six months I was dumped and her boyfriend cheated on her so she broke it off a year later. I didn't date for years and we got to know each other in social situations. Thus when we actually started dating it went super fast. It was only a few months and we committed. 

Helen Fisher a noted relationship/love researcher has found that the trend is now to become friends first. Dating is less common. It's more about having fun with groups and making friends of which some of them may grow into deeper relationships. Quite frankly, I think this leads to stronger and deeper relationships. Dating is too shallow to really learn about anyone and then the neurochemicals hit and blind you to the realities of the mismatch between you. That's what happed with my first relationship. It's much better to know someone is compatible before the chemicals overwhelm your senses.


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## Tomara

Started as a on-line date 4+ years ago. I was his first date when he signed up, and I was his last on-line date. On the 28 th of this month we will be getting married. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## I shouldnthave

Dating.

I have had a number of male friends but never wanted to get involved with them romantically.

All of my boyfriends came about through dating.

My husband? I honestly thought it was going to be a one night stand. That was just over 19 years ago.


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## arbitrator

*Dating here!

Two very toxic blind dates ~ didn't actually know it at the time!

Sad thing is that they both went very well, but God, how time would absolutely fail to bear that out!*


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## suburbanmom

We were friends first but there was always a strong attraction there. We were in a small, intense graduate program together in which it would have been an absolute s**t show to date and then break up. After about a year of hanging out (and flirting, a lot) in group settings, while both casually dating other people, he walked me home one evening, told me he was into me and wanted to give it a go (not his exact words) and everything moved very fast from there. 😉 Fast forward 18 years and we're still crazy about each other.

So, we were friends first but mostly because circumstances made dating right away a really bad idea. If the attraction hadn't been there the whole time, I don't know that it could have grown to that level. So much of it was just a visceral reaction, which was then much strengthened by getting to know each other.


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## guilty and regretful

My husband and I met end of sophomore year of high school and had a lot of mutual friends. We attended the same youth group and went to MANY after school and church activities together. We were acquaintances at first and then started to seek each other out at these events and get togethers. I classified us a friends for about 2 weeks before we started dating Junior year. He's told me that he wanted to date me the moment he met me (awe sappy) 
We've obviously had our problems (see the New Here thread I started if you're nosy) But things are going good. We've been married 13 years.


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## alte Dame

Mine started with the classic disconnect between men and women - I thought we were friends and he was trying to sleep with me. Lol.

I was in graduate school and he was a new assistant professor that had been installed in the apartment across the hall by my landlady. She had just sold him a house and was putting him up while he waited to close on the sale. I had a boyfriend who was there every night and my stbh used to knock on the door with a pack of Marlboros and a bottle of scotch. He really knew me, that's for sure.

We were 'just friends' for a year. He told me that he was just waiting for me to shed the boyfriend, who was, in his words, a 'speed bump.' 

I was clueless and fell hopelessly once we really started dating.


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## StillSearching

The dating game is always on.
Friends....that's just too funny....
The things we convince ourselves of.


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## Manny1400

Mine started out as dating


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## 67yearsyoung

My LTR started with a blind date 35 years ago. We are very happily married. That said, I know several people who started out as friends and later got together in a LTR. My own mother-in-law was friends with her third husband as a young girl. Years later, after both had lost their spouses, they kindled a romantic interest and got married. I think the basis of a solid LTR is friendship. Ideally, husband and wife should be best friends. When the hot initial attraction phase wanes, friendship can continue to deepen and grow. So starting out as friends can be a good basis for an LTR, IMO.


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## EleGirl

I would agree with that.

The challenge is to keep the friendship going through all the ups and downs and treat each other with respect, always.


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## JustTheWife

Mine started out as just friends. We were in a church group in college. There were a lot of guys that I very quickly became sexual with and never even got to know - ONS, etc so this was very different. We had no idea that we'd end up dating and then marrying. No idea at all during most of the time we were friends.


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## Divinely Favored

Me and Wife were sick of opposite sex. Around the same time we were praying that God does the matching as we were both done. I was a 24 yr old 6'05" Park Ranger at a lake in Tx close to the Ok line. 
Worked the 3p-midnight shift. Was going to DQ to eat and turned wrong direction and started driving to Okla. Realized finally i was going wrong way so decided to stop at other restaurant. She was there with a friend. I was smitten by this 27yr old 5'03" blue eyed brunette.
Went outside and got in my vehicle and faked working on reports until she left so i could see her vehicle to run her tag to find out her name...and if it was in mans name i knew she was taken.
2 weeks later i saw her lost in the park looking for her mom and dads camp location. I pulled up and asked if i could be of assistance and asked her if her name was xxxx. 
I took her to her parents camp site and she came to my truck and asked how i knew her name. I pointed at her tag. Those Daisy Dukes were killin me!
Came back around 10:45 pm and they were still talking in camp. Got out to chat and she left after a bit. I stayed there until almost midnight with her mom telling me her daughters life story. Had a STBXH waiting for finalization. I left that shift hoping to see her again.
Her dad that night told her mom "That boy is going to be your next son in law" They both worked with my dad.

Her mom called her and said "That was rude of you last night, that guy stopped to talk to you". She called my parents house as their phone was in book. Date set, went out and at end of night i kissed her hand. Perfect gentleman. She thought i did not like her as i did not try anything. She was kind of offended and confused when she told her friend about it. She was supprised when i called for 2nd date. I did not want a ONS, i wanted eternity with her. Started dating 9/96, married 5/97.


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## TX-SC

My wife and I dated first then got married. We did not know each other prior to marriage. We have been together 26 years and will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in May. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Mr.Married

I met my wife when we were 13. We always dated and were never around each other as friends.
On the first week she and I were “going out” I saw her father in the gas station. I walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around I said “I’m going to marry your daughter.”11 years later I did just that.


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## minimalME

This is so sweet! 🥺



Mr.Married said:


> I met my wife when we were 13. We always dated and were never around each other as friends.
> One the first week she and I were “going out” I saw her father in the gas station. I walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around I said “I’m going to marry your daughter.”11 years later I did just that.


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## MattMatt

A workplace affair. We are still together 31 years later.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Dancing, hot sex. Then more hot sex. Repeat. Couple vacation travels together. Married her.


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## anchorwatch

Never friends! We actually had an antagonistic and captious relationship prior to agreeing to a date, in the early '70s. We are still at it, lol. Dating, not arguing.


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## Lance Mannion

dadstartingover said:


> Visceral, raw attraction that lasts for years. Why? Because invariably, with the eventual comfort and familiarity of marriage/kids, that level of passion dwindles and it takes real WORK to keep it going at a healthy level.
> 
> If you start off as buddies with no real oomph there, then you run the risk of one or both of the partners "waking up" later and realizing how important that oomph is to their feeling of well being.


This is too binary of a model for me. Where are the ebbs and flows? I loved my woman before we dated, dating began and the infatuation hit like a freight train, it waned after a few years, then waxed back to high intensity, then waned a bit, then plateaued, then waxed, then waned. My wife maintained an unrequited love for me for years before we began, kept it up during our infatuation phase and went through the very same cycle I just described, obviously with different peaks and troughs, which makes life interesting (frustrating) for us both.

I don't get this steady-state view that so many people refer to. Different milestones in life bring varying intensity, sometimes the intensity shifts without cause, sometimes I get hit with missing her when I'm on a trip and that ramp-up opens a gusher of feelings and desire and that state maintains for a long time after I'm back near her.


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## MattMatt

minimalME said:


> Honestly, I don't remember why I initially came here.
> 
> My year officially joining was 2012, and that was 2 years after my divorce. I don't know how much reading I did here before that.
> 
> I stay because you're all my age (while most other online venues are much, much younger), and this is an active site, which offers me some semblance of social interaction.
> 
> And when I first joined, the social section was much, much more active - and fun.


We'll have to liven the social section up.


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## aine

students working part time job, began dating, hot sex and the rest is history...


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## jlg07

.


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