# ED



## search4answers (3 mo ago)

I was wondering if has issues with ED? I am married and my spouse and I have been struggling in this area. It is hard because as a woman, your spouse has to take medication to be with you and it still may not work. It is hard not to take it personally sometimes. And the side effects of the medication are not desirable so I feel guilty when he takes it. I would like to be able to say that that the other ways of stimulating each other is 100 percent satisfying but I would not be telling the truth.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It is difficult. 

I have ED, the onset of which started when I was around 33, which is pretty young. ED meds work most of the time, but not always. The side effects are a nuisance, but not life altering by any means. Put it this way: they are worth every bit of side effect to see my wife enjoy our sex life.

It was hard on her when it first came about. She assumed it was about her, when it wasn't. I wish I could make that insecure line of internal dialogue go away for her, but I imagine it is still there from time to time. 

I would look at it this way: if he is still motivated to take meds to make it happen, he still wants you. That in and of itself should be enough. 

Lastly, just know you aren't alone. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

There are quite a few causes for ED. If hubby is on meds, hopefully he has checked in with the urologist.

Do you know what the cause is? What meds is he taking?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I should also say that I understand how you feel. I am a very sexual man and my wife has physical problems so that she has not been able to have intercourse for over 25 years. I'm good with some other hot moves, but she recently had a stroke and then a fall which makes maneuvering into position extremely difficult so all is on hold.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Maybe he has ED because you moved out and are living with your mother.


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

I've been on ED medication for about 14 years. When I'm taking it my sex life is what I would consider normal and healthy. ED meds are not an on/off switch, so it's still possible to be unable to have sex at all or have problems if there are other psychological or environmental issues interfering with the mood.

I hope that you're being supportive and helpful. If he picks up on your taking it personally it could cause further performance anxiety on his part. 

If the meds are not working a lot, he should go in and try a different one or get the strength modified. 

What are the side effects that you are talking about? I haven't experienced any side effects yet. I've been taking the 1 a day cialis. 



Julie's Husband said:


> Do you know what the cause is?


I wish doctors cared about that. I've been to numerous ones, including urologists, and none of them try to root cause the situation. They just write a script and are wave their hands in the air saying there are all kinds of causes.


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

Diceplayer said:


> Maybe he has ED because you moved out and are living with your mother.


Good catch. It definitely seems like she could be a contributing factor here. He is tired when she wants to have sex which means he is avoiding sex with her probably because of performance anxiety.


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## hplove (Jan 19, 2021)

Sometimes ED is mental, stress could be a factor, or maybe foreplay needs to start in the morning.... Wink wink
Make him feel desired....


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I take ED meds. No side effects. My doses are quite low. 25mg Viagra or 5mg Cialis. And inject T. But am an old man.

My wife has always been supportive. I think OP n husband have issues ED meds cant solve


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Sorry. Wrong thread.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Hi, I've had ed now for about 7 years. Came on in my early 50s. Little bit at a time. Now I haven't had a full, or ysabke erection in 5 years? At first thought it was diabetes. Got that all under control, then blood pressure? Check got that. Tried the different meds. For awhile they did help, but even that stopped. Haven't had piv in 4 years at least. Wife knows I love her deeply, but kinda hard( pun intended) to believe when I cant seal the deal. I have all the desire just no response. Seeing a urologist finally post covid-19 to look into causes. Hope its simple like testosterone levels are low. Only good thing is my wife doesn't have much of a sex drive and never has. Bad thing is she's not into oral at all and fingers can only do so much. Eventually she's gonna want that full feeling again, then whst?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

[QUOTE="Loves Coffee, post: 20644563, member: 357091"


I wish doctors cared about that. I've been to numerous ones, including urologists, and none of them try to root cause the situation. They just write a script and are wave their hands in the air saying there are all kinds of causes.
[/QUOTE]

You need to find the right one.
I found that with the first one I went to. I canned him.
I did some homework, and found one that somewhat specializes in ED situations.
My situation was somewhat intermittent. I used Cialis, maybe 20% of the times they are "Needed."
My issue is more BP induced, depending on what it is at a given point in time.
He recommended that I take L-Argenine, and CoQ-10, which has been very helpful.
He also recommended some kind of a heart MRI, in which he showed me the blockage that was influencing my situation.
I ended up being put on statins, which helped the situation even more.
I would say that I use Cialis about 10% of the time now, and that is really only when I can tell that my BP is off.
Age is a female dog. However, the right doctor can help.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

TinyTbone said:


> Hi, I've had ed now for about 7 years. Came on in my early 50s. Little bit at a time. Now I haven't had a full, or ysabke erection in 5 years? At first thought it was diabetes. Got that all under control, then blood pressure? Check got that. Tried the different meds. For awhile they did help, but even that stopped. Haven't had piv in 4 years at least. Wife knows I love her deeply, but kinda hard( pun intended) to believe when I cant seal the deal. I have all the desire just no response. Seeing a urologist finally post covid-19 to look into causes. Hope its simple like testosterone levels are low. Only good thing is my wife doesn't have much of a sex drive and never has. Bad thing is she's not into oral at all and fingers can only do so much. Eventually she's gonna want that full feeling again, then whst?


After that length of time you may also want to have your urologist check your penis for fibrous tissue. Without frequent erections the erectile tissue can be replaced with non erectile fibrous tissue.

I'm hoping your news from the urologist is good news.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Loves Coffee said:


> I wish doctors cared about that. I've been to numerous ones, including urologists, and none of them try to root cause the situation. They just write a script and are wave their hands in the air saying there are all kinds of causes.


I went through treatment for prostate cancer. Up front I told the urologist that maintaining sexual function is important. She just gave me a roll of the eyes like maybe sex is not an age appropriate activity for a 74 year old.

I had similar reactions from the radiation oncologists and my PCP. They really don't give a damn. In fact, they spend their time tinkering with our genitals, but seem uncomfortable about talking about what they are used for and how they are used.

I asked my urologist where a pressure point might be in the penis to prevent blood leakage and loss of erection. She told me that was above her pay grade and I needed a sex therapist. BS. I was asking a simple anatomical question she should be able to answer.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

You don’t mention age, but from your description I suspect your Testosterone is low. That was my problem, sometimes the PDE5 inhibitors had no effect. Don’t let the doctor try to tell you it is normal for your age.

No useable erection in 5 years? If wife isn’t complaining by now doubt she ever will.



TinyTbone said:


> Only good thing is my wife doesn't have much of a sex drive and never has.


If you solve this with T injections or whatever, you have no one to share it with. So what is the point? My wife would be thinking I was no longer attracted to her if I went two days without romancing her. When was having trouble, she would do her very best to get it going, but with low T sometimes it wouldnt happen.



TinyTbone said:


> Eventually she's gonna want that full feeling again, then whst?


If she isn’t complaining after five years, doubt you have any worries. She may actually be unhappy if you get things working again


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

search4answers said:


> I was wondering if has issues with ED? I am married and my spouse and I have been struggling in this area. It is hard because as a woman, y*our spouse has to take medication to be with you and it still may not work. It is hard not to take it personally sometimes.* And the side effects of the medication are not desirable so I feel guilty when he takes it. *I would like to be able to say that that the other ways of stimulating each other is 100 percent satisfying but I would not be telling the truth.*


One of the things I have been concerned about as my wife and I age, is retaining emotional connection. That may require us to redefine what sex is and to use sensual intimacy as more of an emotional bond than sexual intimacy.

There are lots of articles on sex and aging. Joan Price, has many podcasts. There are AARP articles on non-PIV sex and outercourse. The sex therapist gave my wife and me Sensate Focus exercises to build and integrate sensuality with our sex life.

So there are places to turn to advice and mentoring. Part of life is change. As we age, our bodies change. At some point we need to learn how to adjust and how to accept change. Most people have a fear of change. There is nothing wrong with working hard to slow down the normal aging process. However, there are some times we have to accept change. When I say that, I don't mean that we should expect to end life in a celibate or sexless relationship void of all emotional connection.

I would refer you to Dr. David Schnarch's book Intimacy and Desire as a way of keeping your intimacy with your partner and your sexual desire up there. Also his book the Cruicible, discusses how marriage is a constant state of pushing and pulling of two people as they emotionally grow at different rates.

Good luck. Explore different definitions of "sex" and different amounts of sensuality in your relationship with your H.


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> I went through treatment for prostate cancer. Up front I told the urologist that maintaining sexual function is important. She just gave me a roll of the eyes like maybe sex is not an age appropriate activity for a 74 year old.
> 
> I had similar reactions from the radiation oncologists and my PCP. They really don't give a damn. In fact, they spend their time tinkering with our genitals, but seem uncomfortable about talking about what they are used for and how they are used.
> 
> I asked my urologist where a pressure point might be in the penis to prevent blood leakage and loss of erection. She told me that was above her pay grade and I needed a sex therapist. BS. I was asking a simple anatomical question she should be able to answer.


Sounds like a really bad doctor and hospital. I agree that her answer was BS.


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

Your marriage doesn't sound healthy. Your husband seems to have "checked" out.

You're going through a lot, and he just seems disconnected.


Both of you are stressed, angry, and both seem to be checked out of this marriage.




Maybe your husband doesn't really have ed, or he has it because he's "drained" perhaps frequently.



Is he really "working" alot?

What is he truly doing when you're not in his presence?


It seems like it may just be the state of things between you two, and everything else he may be dealing with.


He's stressed, angry, disconnected, tired (if he works himself to exhaustion), perhaps you two bicker alot, you're probably putting pressure on him, and you're probably contributing to him not feeling good about himself, he's distant and "working" more so than normally etc...



Perhaps, his mind reverts back to the fights and everything and the mood is gone.




He is the only one who truly for certain know what's going on.



Honestly, you two should be having discussions and figure out what you both want to do about the marriage..



From your previous post,

He's checked out of this marriage

and you seem to be very near to doing so as well.



Figure out the plan to your marriage firstly.

Secondly, if you two want to work at it, actually do the work towards being in a healthy space and place.


Sex seems like the last thing you two should be concerned about.



Sex should only resume if you two are working towards a healthier relationship.


Sex won't fix or erase the problems in your relationship.



Also, why are you making this post , when your first post said that you want physical intimacy, but he is too "tired" (for whatever reasons).




I am confused by this post.

How did you get here???


Yesterday you just wrote about how you're fed up with your husband, how he is basically just "checked" out of the relationship, how you feel unwanted, unsupported, how you feel like he is a stranger, how all you want is just emotional support at this time from him.....





To asking about ed???

Is he telling you the reason that he doesn't want sex and can't perform is because of ed??


Are these only his words, not a diagnosis by a professional??



Tbh..

It sounds like perhaps he's either cheating, or the stress of life and the relationship makes him not want to....

Or both.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

search4answers said:


> I feel guilty when he takes it. I would like to be able to say that that the other ways of stimulating each other is 100 percent satisfying but I would not be telling the truth.


from reading your other posts and this it looks like commination is not good, both seem to be husband and wife in name only


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

The only thing I can add is this , I take 100mg Viagra and it does work for me. The only side effect I've had is a lingering headache sometimes after. If I take it and am not excited it doesn't do anything. Lots of people think if you take it an hour later your ready to tear up a wh0re house . Not true, desire is key with ED meds . 

If your husband doesn't have desire no ED meds will work 
Maybe that is where you should focus your research 🤔


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

Hey everyone, I just wanted to add one thing about ED meds. Basically my doctor modified my prescription and it caused the pharmacy to change how it filled. Long story short is that the generic of cialis was created by a manufacturer which is printed on the side of the bottle. The new script was from a different manufacturer and they didn't work at all. Like taking a sugar pill. The doctor said he's seen this before so worded the prescription in a way that the pharmacy had to fill it using the other original manufacturer that I've been using for a long time and things went back to normal.

This was at a grocery store pharmacy here in the USA, so it's even possible to get a bad refill when it's not supposed to happen.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jimi007 said:


> The only thing I can add is this , I take 100mg Viagra and it does work for me. The only side effect I've had is a lingering headache sometimes after. If I take it and am not excited it doesn't do anything. Lots of people think if you take it an hour later your ready to tear up a wh0re house . Not true, desire is key with ED meds .
> 
> If your husband doesn't have desire no ED meds will work
> Maybe that is where you should focus your research 🤔


Have you tried Cialis?
The reason that I mention this is that Viagra used to give me the worst headaches, to the point that it almost was counterproductive to take it.
Switched to Cialis. Although I take a small dose intermittently, absolutely no headaches at all.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> If your husband doesn't have desire no ED meds will work
> Maybe that is where you should focus your research


OP, the meds just *facilitate* an erection happening if a man is aroused. No arousal, no erection. So, if the interpersonal relationship is bad then the desire and arousal won't happen. An erection isn't going to happen either.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> OP, the meds just *facilitate* an erection happening if a man is aroused. No arousal, no erection. So, if the interpersonal relationship is bad then the desire and arousal won't happen. An erection isn't going to happen either.


Exactly 💯


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> Have you tried Cialis?
> The reason that I mention this is that Viagra used to give me the worst headaches, to the point that it almost was counterproductive to take it.
> Switched to Cialis. Although I take a small dose intermittently, absolutely no headaches at all.


I have not tried Cialis. I actually take the generic Viagra called Seldenifil. Viagra was like 600$ a bottle . The generic was 36$ for 30 pills.
It works for me , thanks for the suggestion 🙂


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> I have not tried Cialis. I actually take the generic Viagra called Seldenifil. Viagra was like 600$ a bottle . The generic was 36$ for 30 pills.
> It works for me , thanks for the suggestion 🙂


Cialis generic (taldinafil) 5Mg can be taken daily every day, with result same as taking 10mg as needed. So ready for action anytime. Side effects less than Sildenifil and cheaper. No headache, stuffy nose, upset stomach. Taldinaful 5Mg $10 for 30 at grocery store pharmacy.


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

TinyTbone said:


> Eventually she's gonna want that full feeling again, then whst?


Hopefully your doctor can help you find a solution for your ED. As for what to do if your wife wants PIV, I suggest a sttap-on that is similar to your size, and of good quality so it fits you well, and stays in place. Sex isn’t ust about penetration, but also the feel of your partners body weight, the scent of your partner, etc.

I realize that a strap-on just isn't the same as the real deal, but it can be a useful tool in maintaining intimacy, and satisfying your partner if they want more than fingers. She may not mention wanting toys because she doesn't want to offend you, so this may be something you will have to suggest. That is, if it's something you'd be interested in doing. Just remember, you're in control of the toy so any pleasure she feels is still because of you, and your actions.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Mystic Moon said:


> Hopefully your doctor can help you find a solution for your ED. As for what to do if your wife wants PIV, I suggest a sttap-on that is similar to your size, and of good quality so it fits you well, and stays in place. Sex isn’t ust about penetration, but also the feel of your partners body weight, the scent of your partner, etc.
> 
> I realize that a strap-on just isn't the same as the real deal, but it can be a useful tool in maintaining intimacy, and satisfying your partner if they want more than fingers. She may not mention wanting toys because she doesn't want to offend you, so this may be something you will have to suggest. That is, if it's something you'd be interested in doing. Just remember, you're in control of the toy so any pleasure she feels is still because of you, and your actions.


Dr. Richard Wassersug, researcher who does studies of men's sex, published an article by a gent who tried a strap on at the urging of a lesbian friend. The gent used the strap on and his partner used her fingers to stimulate his penis. This gave an illusion of having PIV with thrusts and physical sensation. He reports that he had multiple orgasms. Worth a try.

There is a new type of strap on available called the Non Med Erect designed by a gent with ED and his wife. There is yet another model that is available through MedAmour that I've not yet looked into.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> Only good thing is my wife doesn't have much of a sex drive and never has. Bad thing is she's not into oral at all and fingers can only do so much. Eventually she's gonna want that full feeling again, then whst?





Mystic Moon said:


> I realize that a strap-on just isn't the same as the real deal, but it can be a useful tool in maintaining intimacy, and satisfying your partner if they want more than fingers.


You realize he hasn't had an erection in five years, right? And his wife isn't complaining. Her eventually wanting a full feeling shouldn't be much of a worry. My suspicion is she is fine with things as they are, he said she had never had much drive anyway. Might be best to not wake the beast.

BTW, there is Tri-Mix which can work when PDE5 Inhibitors don't. When no drug works there are pumps hat some guys swear by. And there are implants.


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> You realize he hasn't had an erection in five years, right? And his wife isn't complaining. Her eventually wanting a full feeling shouldn't be much of a worry. My suspicion is she is fine with things as they are, he said she had never had much drive anyway. Might be best to not wake the beast.
> 
> BTW, there is Tri-Mix which can work when PDE5 Inhibitors don't. When no drug works there are pumps hat some guys swear by. And there are implants.


My response was directed at his commenting that his wife might want that full feeling again at some point. She may not now, but if she at some point she does, it could potentially be a problem, which he apparently has some concern about, or he would not have mentioned it. 

There are several options he could use, but if he hasn't opted for an implant or pump by now, is he really that likely to undergo surgery that can be costly, potentially ineffective, and isn't always covered by insurance? Somehow I doubt it.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Mystic Moon said:


> There are several options he could use, but if he hasn't opted for an implant or pump by now, is he really that likely to undergo surgery that can be costly, potentially ineffective, and isn't always covered by insurance? Somehow I doubt it.


The pumps are cheap. I have never used one but some guys swear by them. Just as "spontaneous" as a strap on. Yes the surgery is expensive, most likely not covered by insurance, and potentially causes major problems. It is kinda the end of the line so to speak, and was where I drew the line after my cancerous prostate was removed.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Rus47 said:


> It is kinda the end of the line so to speak, and was where I drew the line after my cancerous prostate was removed.


There are forums on Facebook and elsewhere where men have posted good results with implants and compare experiences. I feel sad for them, but the acceptance rate seems to be pretty high.

I get riled when I see the carnival barker approach doctors have to ED "cures". Especially that puffed up, arrogant Dr. Mulhall. Before hand they come on like they have wonderful solutions to ED, but I'm betting most playing happy about them have not personally experienced them.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

My friend had a massive heart attack and couldn't get it up due to meds / ED ect. 

Age 40

He finally got the implant. 

They removed one of his testicles, that's where the pump part was. 

It brought back his sex life and he was again pleasing his wife. 

He was also able to orgasm. 

Just a thought


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> You realize he hasn't had an erection in five years, right? And his wife isn't complaining. Her eventually wanting a full feeling shouldn't be much of a worry. My suspicion is she is fine with things as they are, he said she had never had much drive anyway. Might be best to not wake the beast.
> 
> BTW, there is Tri-Mix which can work when PDE5 Inhibitors don't. When no drug works there are pumps hat some guys swear by. And there are implants.


I've tried the pump, no real success. Now the meds your listing ill bring up to my urologist at my appointment in about a week. Also want my testosterone level.checked as it hasn't been dona also.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> The pumps are cheap. I have never used one but some guys swear by them. Just as "spontaneous" as a strap on. Yes the surgery is expensive, most likely not covered by insurance, and potentially causes major problems. It is kinda the end of the line so to speak, and was where I drew the line after my cancerous prostate was removed.


Yeah my wife and I tried the strap on. She doesn't like toys.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> Also want my testosterone level.checked as it hasn't been dona also.


I will say the PDE5 inhibitors sometimes wouldn't work for me because my T was normal for my age, mid 70s. It was low for a man wanting to perform well sexually. I could take a full Viagra dose and end up with a headache and limp d***. Wife working on it made no difference.,

Once I started injecting the erection problems disappeared. I also take a DHEA 25mg tablet daily. You need to have a urologist or endocrinologist who understands and can treat male sexual difficulties. Free T, Total T, Estrogen are all important.

Wish you luck. Work the problem!


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