# Wife's Flash Backs Of Abuse I Need Some Advice



## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

Wife was abused as a child. We have been reading a lot of books and relearning touch. We hit some set backs from time to time. She just told me to night her abuser would tell her "he abused her because she looked beautiful or because what was wearing turned him on". This has affects our marriage because I can't tell her she looks beautiful today, I like that dress or you look sexy.. This is really affecting our marriage because if we go out to dinner or date I can't compliment her in any way. I also get angry with the abuser because I feel like he has robbed our marriage from a lot of happiness. This has set us back so many times. Any advice on getting past this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you find a way to complement her that does not use the words the abuser used?

Like tell her she's a star, or she's your moon and stars. Change the language.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Has she had therapy to help deal with it?

For some people, they find in time that its possible to see that the compliments from you aren't the same at all as the manipulations from the abuser. They are from different people , with different meanings. 

Long term she needs to learn to take back control and not let what her abuser did bleed over into her interactions with you.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I would think she needs cognitive behavioural therapy so those words no longer have that strong connection to abuse.


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