# !! 23,married, in need of help!



## Jessicawoop (Feb 6, 2016)

Ok i am going to be completely honest in this post which is something i havn't done with anyone about my marriage.

My husband and i have 7 years between us. He is my brothers best friend i have have know him since i was a bout 14. A few weeks after my 17th we started seeing each other and have been together ever since. I live in the uk so its all legal, before anyone comments about that  so scroll on nearly 7 years. We have been married a year and a half.

He has lied to me a few times but not just little things... you guys are gonna think i am absolutely stupid for staying with him but heres a list of things he has done
1 come onto my sister and her friend when he was blind drunk
2 txting a girl saying he loves her ( i dont think it was seriously though, just a bit of a joke, But this was whilst he was working abroad and then asked me to stay out there with him, i dont know what he was doing with this girl whilst i wasnt there!
3 he emailed another girl years into our relationship saying that he should have kissed her or whatever. I cant remember exactly what it said
4 was working in singapore for a month, phoned me drunk on the day he was suppose to come back home and had lost his passport so i had to phone the embassy and sort things out for him, only to have him tell me a few days after he got home (after we had unprotected sex) that he thinks he had an STD and then tries to tell me nothing happend. I mean he hadn't seen a doctor or anything and he thought he had something, what if it was something you cant treat like hiv! 

I literally dont know what to do. I have told him how i feel about all this, usually when i am drunk and then feel guilty about it the next day and end up apologising to him. He was working away for our first wedding anniversary and ever since then i have felt so disconnected to him recently. I feel bitter towards him and we dont really spend much time together. I think its me pushing him away and distancing myself.

I have lost contact with all my friends who i could've spoke to about this and i feel too embaressed and ashamed to speak to my family about it. Can someone please just let me know what they think because i dont know what to do. Thanks for taking your time to read my essay! Haha. 

Jess


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Sorry for your troubles, Jessica. Do you have any children? If not, I think you need to separate. Both you and your H are very young and he is clearly too immature for a committed relationship. 
You would benefit from some time on your own to figure out who you are and to gain some confidence so that you don't settle for someone who treats you poorly.


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## Jessicawoop (Feb 6, 2016)

Hi, no children. He is my first relationship. I am not exaggerating then! I mean i am happy on the outside but inside i dont know if i am ?


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Jessicawoop said:


> Hi, no children. He is my first relationship. I am not exaggerating then! I mean i am happy on the outside but inside i dont know if i am ?


It sounds to me like you are starting to grow up and he is stuck being an impulsive teenager. He's cheated on you and lied and will continue to do so unless you show him you won't put up with it anymore. Tell him he has to stop and agree to marriage counseling or you and he are done.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

You married your first relationship. 

You should date more guys and get more experience than this one who is always drinking. Teenage romances don't usually survive adulthood.
There is no way to resolve relationship issues when one or both people are intoxicated. You get nowhere. You can also look at going to an Al Anon meeting.

You're faking on the outside, if you don't know how you feel on the inside - its not good.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Don't worry about the 7 year difference, thats not the problem.

Getting married to young.

Husband works offshore and doesn't spend enough time at home.

Texting other woman.

Hitting on other woman.

Having sex with other women ,,,, STD?



Come on Jess, ^^^^ look at this, this isn't healthy!

Get out before you have a kid. Date and look for someone who deserves you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jess he is an idiot.

He doesn't deserve you.

He needs time to find himself.

And he WILL Find himself in a police cell, a gutter, an STD clinic, etc.

Just don't be with him, 'k?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Jessicawoop said:


> He has lied to me a few times but not just little things... you guys are gonna think i am absolutely stupid for staying with him but heres a list of things he has done
> 
> 
> 1 come onto my sister and her friend when he was blind drunk


Didn't read anything further...this is something you just don't do EVER. You don't go after someone's sibling...what??

I'd separate, and probably move to divorce. No excuse under the sun to hit on someone's sibling. Being drunk isn't an excuse. 

Hope you look after yourself! Prayers for you & hugs.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Jessicawoop said:


> Hi, no children. He is my first relationship. I am not exaggerating then! I mean i am happy on the outside but inside i dont know if i am ?


He has zero regard for you. Not only does he betray your trust by cheating, he endangers your life by maybe giving you a std. 

Hit the road kind lady. You deserve better.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Jessicawoop said:


> Hi, no children. He is my first relationship. I am not exaggerating then! I mean i am happy on the outside but inside i dont know if i am ?


What do you mean by happy on the outside? You mean that you are a good actress and project a happy image to the outside world? Or that you are superficially happy?

Either way, you are either happy or you're not. If you don't know, then you are not. When you are, you know. 

Sorry you are going through this. Sounds like you married too young and perhaps it's time to correct that mistake. You have a lot of life ahead of you, investing more years into this guy is probably a losing proposition. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HIM! He is a liar, and that is not a man you want to father your children. 

Go ahead and talk with your family. You'll be surprised, they will be supportive. Many hold back voicing their displeasure at your spouse, because they want to respect your marriage. But once they realize you are unhappy, the have no problem helping you detach.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Jessica, you know that what he has done was not appropriate. You didn't need to date 10 guys to know that. What I think you didn't know is that just one, 1, of those things he did is worthy of breaking up or divorce.

Don't waste one more day on your immature, cheating husband. He doesn't understand commitment, but he wants to play the field. he is putting your health and life in danger (STD's) so don't have intimate relations with him again.

Divorce him, and do yourself a favor. You deserve better. Remain single for a while, don't date, while you learn how to value yourself and not take any nonsense from anyone.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Jessicawoop said:


> I literally dont know what to do. *I have told him how i feel about all this, *usually when i am drunk and then feel guilty about it the next day *and end up apologising to him.* He was working away for our first wedding anniversary and ever since then i have felt so disconnected to him recently. I feel bitter towards him and we dont really spend much time together. I think its me pushing him away and distancing myself.


What exactly do you apologize for?

Do you want children? If so, do not have them with him. Divorce and marry a man WORTHY OF YOU. 

Unprotected sex? Make sure that you do not get pregnant from him.

If you want to have a marriage without children that is worse than it is now, then stay with him and learn to accept his repeated cheating. 

I think you know what you need to do, but just need someone to tell you that you are making the right decision. Pick ANY of the replies to your post and you have your answer.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your H is a childish immature selfish brat. He is not fit to be married to anyone. The things he has done in your list are serious and I do not like the way you are trying to cover for him and minimise them. He may well grow up but there is no guarantee of that. He has been unfaithful to you
I suggest you sit him down and talk to him when you are both sober. Do not lose your cool, be unemotional and tell him exactly how these things have made you feel. See what his reaction is like, if he tries to fob you off (I suspect he will dismiss you as being overdramatic), tell him you are considering a separation as you will not be with someone who disrespects you so much. You are very young but MC might help you too.

How close are you to your brother (his best friend?). Brothers are usually protective of their sisters, it might be an advantage if you told your brother about all of this.

I suspect he will try and get out of every thing, if so, get yourself a lawyer and see what your options are. There are plenty of nice young men who will treat you better than this.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

My friend was in a very similar situation to yours.

She married too young. 23 realised her mistake by 25 but felt embarrassed to divorce so quickly and thought she should try harder. She eventually divorced him at 29 and has never been happier.

She regrets wasting her 20s with the wrong person.

Dont make that mistake. You are young, divorce this man then spend your 20s single getting to know yourself. 

Good luck


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Jessicawoop said:


> Ok i am going to be completely honest in this post which is something i havn't done with anyone about my marriage.
> 
> My husband and i have 7 years between us. He is my brothers best friend i have have know him since i was a bout 14. A few weeks after my 17th we started seeing each other and have been together ever since. I live in the uk so its all legal, before anyone comments about that  so scroll on nearly 7 years. We have been married a year and a half.
> 
> ...


If you have no children ...LEAVE

The guy isn't grown up enough to be married

You can stay and TRY to train him...that would be so silly as he's shoddy goods at the minute and not fit for purpose

Do you want to be checking on him every time hes away, what sort of life is that

You are still young get out now and find that guy who loves YOU

Look in a mirror and tell your self you deserve some one who loves you not some one who wants a home and mother to wash and cook for him


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Jessicawoop said:


> 1 come onto my sister and her friend when he was blind drunk


Indefensible on his part


> 2 txting a girl saying he loves her ( i dont think it was seriously though, just a bit of a joke, But this was whilst he was working abroad and then asked me to stay out there with him, i dont know what he was doing with this girl whilst i wasnt there!


He's cheating on you. It's not "a joke".


> 3 he emailed another girl years into our relationship saying that he should have kissed her or whatever. I cant remember exactly what it said


He was fishing to see he could cheat on you with her.


> 4 was working in singapore for a month, phoned me drunk on the day he was suppose to come back home and had lost his passport so i had to phone the embassy and sort things out for him, only to have him tell me a few days after he got home (after we had unprotected sex) that he thinks he had an STD and then tries to tell me nothing happend. I mean he hadn't seen a doctor or anything and he thought he had something, what if it was something you cant treat like hiv!


No explanation necessary. You need to get checked for STD's



> I have lost contact with all my friends who i could've spoke to about this and i feel too embaressed and ashamed to speak to my family about it.


Please, Jess talk to your family. That's what they're there for. My son will need advice or make bad choices in the future, that's life. I will there for him 24/7, till the day i die. You would understand this better if you were a parent. Precisely because you're not a parent, you need to get out of this marriage. I realise this is tough to read. But you know this already.

Your "husband" is happy to have unprotected sex with god knows whom and put your health at risk. This is the complete opposite of the kind of behaviour that defines good husbands.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'll agree. You two shouldn't have married. You both need to date other people. Him because he can't keep his hands off of other women and you because you need to experience some GOOD relationships to see why your standards are so low. 

Just move on.

If he really loves you, he'll shape up.

Oh, and try to stay away from the alcohol. It won't solve anything.

And please tell your parents. My daughter is 25 and tells me everything, and I would be heartbroken to know she was suffering like you and not asking for my help. Your mom wants to be there for you.


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