# Our DOG is hurting our relationship :(



## Sandiego (Apr 4, 2012)

Me and my wife have a dog. We got him 6 months ago. He is a large pitbull and very aggressive with other dogs. Other than that he is a good dog.

The wife has an overly empathetic connection to animals and definitely treats them better than people. Since getting the dog we no longer sleep in the same bed together. She sleeps with him. I'm allergic to his fur, he sheds EVERYWHERE, he snores extremely loud, and bleeds all over the bedding from a growth on his face that he scratches. I am to say the least disgusted by the fact that she even sleeps in the bed with him and I consider it very unsanitary. We have tried to kick him out and sleep together again but somehow she will always go back to sleeping with the dog. Fair to say I resent the dog and possibly her for this. This is one issue.

We are now moving cross-country to California in two months and it is nearly impossible to find an apartment within our price range that allows large dogs, let alone pitbull breeds. I have spent hours upon hours searching. Added to this we will both be out of the house at least 10 hours a day, and will have to leave the dog home alone all day. (I work from home now, so he has company). The dog has separation anxiety and really no matter I find it cruel to leave an animal home for 10+ hours 5 days a week. No way for a dog to live. We will have to contain him too either in an empty room or a cage! 

I think we should give up the dog for our relationship, the money/apartment situation and the dogs quality of life. I passively brought up what life would be like for us and for him and she shut down, got very upset, we couldnt even discuss it really. Since then I have not brought it up again but I think about it frequently. 

How can we resolve this? Do you see any compromise I could suggest? Am I just being selfish? PLEASE HELP. Any feedback greatly appreciated!!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

1. DEMAND your wife to stop sleeping with the dog and get back to bed

2. Don't resent the dog. He's just an innocent animal with no self-will. He's completely at your mercy. He's not destroying your marriage. Your wife is.

3. You should give up the dog. Your marriage is in a fragile state and the dog is serving as a catalyst to its demise. Either your wife needs to understand where to draw the line or the dog goes. Nothing in between will work.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> Hmm.... Didn't the dog... Um.... Break the leash when you were walking him..... And.....ummmm...... Run away? Far, far, far away?


:rofl:
I would never do this! I was amused though


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Serious look at the ugh road block in front of you when you move to CA.
I may be wrong but from what I hear in the news, a bitbull is biting and or arracking somekid all the time.

My point here is San Diego has a very low tolorence for pits, ca fo that matter. It may hold some wieght by finding some stats that validate what I'm saying, in return may give you the ammunition to place this dog at a rescue.
I hear in SanDiego they won't even try to place them at the county shelter.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Now as far as your marriage goes, folks and dogs will only continue to do thing towards us if we let them, so stand up and kick that dog out of the bed. Your spouse will then have the choice to sleep on the floor with the dog or sleep in the bed with you. Even at this point she can choice to sleep somewere else, but again it will be her choice were she wants to sleep,not your.

Its funny how both dogs and human respect us when we command it.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

synthetic said:


> 1. DEMAND your wife to stop sleeping with the dog and get back to bed
> 
> 2. Don't resent the dog. He's just an innocent animal with no self-will. He's completely at your mercy. He's not destroying your marriage. Your wife is.
> 
> 3. You should give up the dog. Your marriage is in a fragile state and the dog is serving as a catalyst to its demise. Either your wife needs to understand where to draw the line or the dog goes. Nothing in between will work.


This, that is messed up.  You aren't being selfish, your wife is not behaving appropriately. It's bad enough when mothers demand to have children sleep in bed with them to avoid intimacy, but a dog? >.> Come on.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Sandiego said:


> Me and my wife have a dog. We got him 6 months ago. He is a large pitbull and very aggressive with other dogs. Other than that he is a good dog.
> 
> The wife has an overly empathetic connection to animals and definitely treats them better than people. Since getting the dog we no longer sleep in the same bed together. She sleeps with him. I'm allergic to his fur, he sheds EVERYWHERE, he snores extremely loud, and bleeds all over the bedding from a growth on his face that he scratches. I am to say the least disgusted by the fact that she even sleeps in the bed with him and I consider it very unsanitary. We have tried to kick him out and sleep together again but somehow she will always go back to sleeping with the dog. Fair to say I resent the dog and possibly her for this. This is one issue.
> 
> ...


There are so many things going on in this thread!

1) Don't overlook aggression in dogs. Work with an animal behavioural therapist if you can.

2) If you are moving and can't walk him everyday, look into employing someone who can (dog walker) or even a centre you can drop him into some days to get him exercised and socialised. Leaving him alone all day he may become bored and destructive, and it can lead to people aggression from the feeling of being caged all day (nerves). It is no lifestyle for a dog.

3) If you choose to foster him to someone else, do your best to know where he is going. Dogs get passed around and need stability to progress socially. Make sure any new potential owner is aware of any issues ie dog aggression.

4) Your wife can love the dog and not sleep with him. Put your foot down. Tell her to research about dogs as pets. What happens further down the track if you decide for whatever reason ie a new baby you want the dog out of the room? It will be a challenge if he has become territorial so don't set yourself up for a fall. A dog is an animal first, a pet second. Treat him with the respect of an animal. In order to maintain being the leader of the pack, you need to establish dominance. Tell her he needs to sleep on the floor. It is your house and your bed, is this so difficult? You have a voice too.

Whatever happens in your situation, I implore you to think of the dog as well as yourself. He did not ask to be moved on, so do the right thing by him if you need to do this and if you do take him with you work with him and don't overlook what he requires too.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How is your relationship with your wife other than this? Sex life now and before the dog? And she is your wife, right? Just asking cause this thread is tagged with "girlfriend".

My initial thought is that your SO is using the dog to passively resist you. To create a barrier to intimacy, to prevent you guys from moving, to push you away.

As far as the sleeping arrangements go, get two large dog beds. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I LOVE my dogs (cat, lizards, and fish )

You described having a pitbull with dog aggression and separation anxiety. all other things aside, sleeping with the dog as she is doing is not only going to make his anxiety worse, it's also putting you below him in his mind on the totem pole. my dog has SA, and it was absolute hell bringing her back to manageable when we first got her, she didn't start sleeping in my bed for at least a year, and even now she waits until she's told to get onto the bed. 

She needs to know she's making it worse, not better, and if she wants her dog to be better, she needs to sleep with you in your bed, and doggie needs a crate or a doggie bed of his own. (I dont mean a crate to scream at him and throw him in when he's bad either, I mean a "Safe place" it will help with the SA too)

A breed like that is nothing to play with, society has such a negative eye towards them, everyone is just waiting for the dog to have a bad expression so they can scream murderer at it and have it PTS. (actually the most common biters are jack russels and dacshunds and chihuahuas bully breeds just do more damage)

I think your head is in the right place in re-homing him before your move, and i don't advocate re-homes often. It sounds like there is more than the dog that is the actual problem between you and your wife, and instead of trying to fix it, she's filling what's missing with the dogs affection. 

I agree on working with a behaviorist/trainer for the dog, but I also suggest you and the wife sit down and work together or with a counselor so she can figure out WHY the dog is taking priority over you, her husband.

I do love my animals, and my stbx and I have had some NASTY fights over them, their training, health issues, and treatment, but your wife is pushing it too far, and it really sounds like more is going on in this case, than just the dog.

Like was said, the dog is just an animal at your mercy because you chose to bring him home (you or your wife, you get my drift) 

as far as the trainer, pick one that goes for positive re-enforcement, and not negative man handling/punishment values. Also be wearing of ceasar millian quick fix style trainers, (considering the SA) they don't re-direct the negative energy into a good behavior, and with your dogs nerves, that energy needs to be funneled somewhere positive.


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## MickeyD (Feb 19, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> Hmm.... Didn't the dog... Um.... Break the leash when you were walking him..... And.....ummmm...... Run away? Far, far, far away?


If I caught my wife getting rid of our dog without my permission (particularly through deceptive means), our marriage would be over right then and there. I would start the divorce process the very same day.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

CA is not accepting of pits in any respectable neighborhood, as you'll soon find out. The pits I have seen here are near where i work (in south central los angeles) and they ....are scary.

We had some on our street, thank god they moved. Stupid owners didn't train them so they were unruly. One of the dogs charged my daughter while she was walking our Lab....and our lab had that pit in submission. :smthumbup: My daughter was FREAKED. Just train your dog, please!

In any case, take charge of this situation. If she won't listen, then you know her choice...but make her see how serious you are.

And see if there's a clinic that will help that growth on his face. That's nasty and sad for the dog.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Animal person here! Even all of that is too much for me.

Why has the growth not been surgically removed from the dog's face? Honestly your wife needs to face reality. The dog needs to be re-homed--that's just not the right pet for you.

A relative brought a dog home from the shelter a couple of years ago. He was some mixed breed collie and looked harmless. But, he was aggressive towards other dogs. Katie could not take the dog out without it becoming a big ordeal. Finally, her dog went for another dog one day. When she tried to restrain her dog, it turned on her. That's going to be a big mess with a pit bull. Don't think I would want that responsibility.

As far as finding a place to live in CA with a pit bull--good luck. It has to do with insurance and liability. Most landlords can't get liability policies when certain dog breeds are on the property. Or it's very expensive.

Also, there are some breeds which aren't suited for apartment living--and the pit bull is one of them. They need a large FENCED in yard and plenty of fresh air.

My dog sleeps with me and it's not a problem. But, then I'm single and the dog is very clean. She's also very well behaved. I don't hear a peep out of her until morning (even then it's only after I have spoken to her first).

I think it comes down to your wife choosing you or the dog. Hope you win!


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

So to recap, you're wife thinks your dog is more important and special and worthy of love & attention than you are.

How do you feel about being prioritized lower than a pet?


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