# Update and Advice



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Hi all. It has been a long time since I have posted here. Things have been pretty good, especially compared to the state of things several years ago. Long story short, we had a sexless marriage for about 11 years. There were times where we did not have sex for over a year and times when it was only a couple times a year. 

After a lot of soul searching and good advice from this forum, things improved. It was largely due to me communicating that I was no longer willing to be in a sexless relationship. I told her I loved her vary much but I was committed to having a healthy sex life with or without her. 

Fast forward to today and life is great. I am able to spend less time working and more time with the wife and kids as well as spending time on the things I am passionate about (being active). That said, the sex has slowed down again. I would say it is about once or twice a month (when she is oviolating). That does not work for me. I have mentioned it every once and a while. The last time we spoke about it she did explain a few things that were making her less interested in sex: the main theme was I was not giving her enough attention or listening well. I agree I need to work on that - even though it is somewhat ironic given I am actually spending more time with her the past two years - just likely not the kind of quality time she needs. 

Another thing I noticed is that when she gets on a regular exercise schedule the sex picks up. She has not had the time for that and I thing the drop in sex is somewhat correlated. She is still sexy as hell and really does not need the exercise to look any better. She may need more affirmation that I think she is sexy - I don’t tell her enough. 

Anyway, I always appreciate the advice you all have. 

Thanks!


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Try spending at least 16 hours together alone each week. Spend the time meeting each others most important emotional needs. You might benefit from reading the two books in my signature.


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