# Need Help With What To Do



## Jack1 (Aug 3, 2010)

This is a bit long and I'm sorry but I had to make it this way....

I have been with the same girl for a year. When we first met and into about our 3rd month everything was perfect. I hated to see her upset, we didnt argue, we actually talked. Well I started doing Lortabs, Cocaine and Marijuana. I started to become angry and not wanting to talk, not caring and most importantly not loving her the way she needed. About 9 months into our relationship I admitted I had been hiding my abuse on drugs from her. She gave me an ultimatum. She said its either me or the drugs. Of course I chose her. Now Ive been clean for over a month. I go to weekly drug counseling, I get tested when I go, and she is allowed to view the tests or speak to my counselor at anytime. Whats the problem?

Well, I still have an anger issue. The drug counseling is simply that, nothing to do with my actually emotional abuse. When I dont agree with something with her, I get upset and yell. If i had a bad day, or something mad me mad (even minute) I get upset with her. Recently she told me she can't do it anymore. She can't take me yelling and it has literally left me helpless and reaching out for more help. I made a counseling appointment but this time for depression and anger management because I truly believe my drug abuse was due to issues I've held down. He is coming here tomorrow for an hour session and wants to see me every week for at least 5-6 weeks but could be more depending on my recovery. 

Another problem I have is that we live together. My rent is paid until September 31st and I have no support from friends because I let them all go when I gave up drugs. They helped to supply it for the most part. My family is supportive to a point. My mother is an alcohol abuser and has abused drugs heavily in the past. For right now I have to live here for two months and its killing me to see her everyday although I have nowhere else to go until I can save to move. But I don't want to move, I've told her about my getting help and have asked her to just give me these two months to prove it to her I will seek the RIGHT treatment. I had to hit rock bottom to even understand what I was doing, and that was losing her. 
I dont know if I have lost her for sure but from what she says she just cant do it any longer. She said I had "promised her things would change" when I got help for drugs and it didnt help I was still angry. How do I deal with this situation? I dont want to lose her, she is everything to me and is the best person in my life. I know I can get this help for anger management and depression and try to show her but I was hoping there is something else I can do. I have been on the verge of suicide all day and crying my eyes out. She came in and hugged me today and made me food and tried to make me feel better. This was huge because the previous 3 days she would not speak to me, was angry, and refused to even budge and talk to me. She said I could text her if I need her today even though she is working really hard on stuff at work today. Is that a sign she is just worried about me? Or do you feel its that she will be willing to let me show her that I can and WILL change my ways. 
I also want to throw in that I have never been emotionally or physically abusive in a relationship in the past. I was abused from my ex (prior to her) but I have never acted this way to any girlfriend I have ever had, so I really KNOW I can change.


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