# What should I do



## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

I posted one yesterday that i thought it's too long nobody wants to read so I am making my story shorter.
I am married 18 yrs to husband, My h left me and my kids Aug 07 telling me that he wants to try living alone and just for 2 months that 2 months lasted 2 yrs, he lost his job for 8 months and I end up paying for his vehicle and help him get a job thru my contacts. I found out that he actually had an affair with AW and he was trying to come back last yr because she dumped him for another man. This woman is married with 2 adult kids and made my h and her h to be friends while they are having an affair but the h now divorced her. 17 months after my h left I went into relationship with nice and really good man. he takes care of me and my kids and when my h came back to me and kids he forced me to leave him. which i did, i thought I will give priority to my family and not to deny my kids of having a complete family.
But im wrong, im in love with my bf that i continued to talk to him. @ months after my h vame back he found out that im still talking to my ex and he got angry and turned the table accusing me that I am cheating on him. Now h is very upset and wouldnt even talk to me, he doesnt really stays at home because he works 3 hrs away from home and only comes home on the week ends. I reconciled with my bf and he's still very caring despite dumping him and choose my h. But now I had enough awith my h and just wanted to move on with my life.
Please advice me as I am so desperate to hear from u guys who had the same experience. I wouldn't have a bf if he didnt left me and who wanted another man in life? not me I am very focus and commited to my h until he did this. my story is very much the same as "discarded" in this forum


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## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

I'm sorry, I have never been married nor do I have children, but I will share my feelings, at least you know someone is here and read your concern.

It seems that your husband left/abandoned you and your kids to find out if what he had was what he wanted etc. he found out that she did not want him as much as he had hoped. Now it would appear that he is coming back to his safe place (for whatever reason; kids, missed you, the girl left him...). The problem is he was not thinking about the effects he would have on the home when he left. You have moved on/picked up the pieces and found someone that will help you re-establish a peaceful home. No man ever wants to see his "woman" being cared from by another man. He is not going to want that to survive, especially when the reason they left has now left them. 

Kids; not sure how old or how many, but they see and know more than adults give them credit for. If you and your husband are not satisfied/happy in each others company and/or the kids see that you are happier with someone else...even if they do not say anything, there will be a mental note of what is going on. You may want to speak with them about how all of this is affecting them and/or what they think about everything.

You should not feel bad, guilty, or whatever about finding someone that makes you happy and will cherish the person that you are and your kids. You thought you had found that in your husband; he chose to leave. Your husband had forgotten how special you were; his loss. I don't know how long in 18 years you guys were not happy, but I am sure there was some type of sign that something wasn't quite right. He chose the easy way out...something that made him feel better -with no regard to how you feel/kids.

Did you guys ever divorce, or just separated? Are you remarried? If so, it could become a problem if you go to get a divorce. Basically (possibly) the courts would see the fact that you let him come back as you basically absolving him of the issues of the past/total forgiveness...so they are going to see your actions more than his. Therefore you have issues of abandonment, alienation of affection, adultery. If you choose to divorce, speak with an attorney in your state to find out what the possible issues could be...it may be a lot cheaper and effective to go to counselling and try to work things out. But if that you do not feel that you can/want to, then don't because you will not be giving it 100% and it will just be a waste of money, time, energy etc.

I am saying all of this with the thought that you truly love your bf and it is not because he saved and accepted you after your separation (after 18 years of marriage; that is a long time to be married to lose it all-but it does happen).

Best of luck to you. I hope someone that can more relate to your story, will respond to you will more solid thoughts/advice.

Stay strong!


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Anna..you really need to leave your comfort zone and kick your husband the hell out!!!!!...you WERE in a place with your bf where you were adjusting..now you go back to the same old, same old and making your kids go through it with you...WAKE UP!!!!..


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

Imagine life with husband... imagine life with bf... which one makes you smile? Do not worry about the kids' happiness because kids can be happy with seperated parents.. sometimes happier! =D I am a product of divorce and my parents' divorce didnt change my outcome because I still got their love and support- just seperately =)
Your husband left you before and with that he left a permanent mark on your heart, I am sure. If your bf makes you happy you have every right to pursue happiness. As your children grow older they will understand! 
Life goes around one time so decisions like these will effect your journey so take lots of time to decide with a clear mind and always always follow your heart! =) good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

@ christmaslady, we are a happy family and I didn't see the separation coming I am totally shocked and could not believe ne lied to me by telling me that he wants to try to live on his own as he never done that in his entire life, our kids are 16 and 12 my daughter the oldest is really upst that he preferred to have my bf in her gr 6 graduation than my h, it is clear to me that he came back becuase he's out of work and dumped by OW. the bf on the other hand is really and he even suggested if i went him back off and give me time to fix thing and promised me he will wait, when i told him I will try to fix my marriage he is hurt but he said if that will make me happy then he will let me go but assured me he will be there if things doesnt work
the arrangement is difficult as i dont want to see him on the days that he is at hme so i go and stay with female friends


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

lovelieswithin, if i want to be taken care as every woman want...bf is the guy, but if want to be incharge with everything then live with h but i am really tired and just wanted to be a woman in the family 
as a lot people knows i have personality, yes i agree but deep inside i need someone to look after too. I have to be strong because my h doesnt really stand a the man in the family...i consider him as my oldest kid....imagine that, 18 yrs and 5 yrs of being bf/gf i think i had enough


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

th2daughters, thank you..yes that is exactly how i feel right now i feel hurt and crying and depressed again. i just wish this will be over my bf is very supportive and nice he is a good man who has been cheated 2x in his previous marriage and so he understands my feeling


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