# birth control



## VeryShyGirl (Feb 18, 2010)

I'm trying to decide what the best method of birth control is for my husband and I and I'd appreciate hearing about others experiences. For many years I was on the pill and we used condoms... great except when I stopped taking the pill (because I lost my health insurance) I realized the hormones had been messing with my body. The sex drive I thought I didn't have in me came to light; our sex life has been awesome since then and I don't want to give it up. We've been using just condoms.

Last night, for the first time in the 6 years we've been together the condom broke. I was totally freaked out. This morning ran out and got emergency contraception. But this episode got me thinking.

I have always been terrified at the idea of pregnancy, have been ever since I can remember. The thought of something growing inside me and then ripping its way out is too much for me to deal with. I don't want to give up my life; I like it how it is and have never wanted a child. Its one of my worst fears. I have often thought about adopting or being a foster parent when I'm older and my passion (or agility) for mountaineering subsides...

On the Walgreens website they say that out of 100 couples using condoms, 14 of them will become pregnant in one year. I found this shocking and its not a risk I'm willing to take I think. Anybody have real world experience to share?

I'm only 32 but tubal ligation is looking very attractive... I do worry though that one day I may change my mind... felt this way forever but when I look around it seems very abnormal. Any women here feel this way about pregnancy and children?

I see 3 unattractive options: go back on the pill or other hormone product and let my body get all messed up again, surgery that would be a final decision, or continue using condoms and then deal with going thru with an abortion if or when they fail (I don't like the idea at all but I think I would do it when the alternative is suicide, yes I am THAT freaked out at the idea of being pregnant).

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well, I hope others chime in but I think there is a small vein of "pathological fear" (phobia?) in that you fear pregnancy that much that you would be driven to suicide in the event of it.

Remember, reproduction is a natural body function. 

I am not anti-family planning nor am I pro-"au naturale" but I do think sometimes nature has it's "own wisdom" about it.

There's a reason why 40 year old women have a harder time getting knocked up - because they aren't supposed to be "very impregnable" and raising babies. . .so this idea of putting matters off indefinitely or never. . .really think about it.

Having a 3rd child "surprise" at 39 years old - fatigue was a real problem and a little depression knowing we will be approaching 60 by the time the last one is off at college when we see other people our age "Been there. Done that. Retirement is 5 years away."

Okahy. . .philosophical musing/fatalism aside. . .let me tell you what "failed" on us - pulling out. Very adolescent of me. . .but I don't know. . .I am sure what was going through my mind was, "Man, haven't had sex in awhile. should I pull out? I guess I should. . .I don't want to. . .oh crap. . ."

Baby. . .9 months later 

Perhaps this is a discussion you should be having with your OB/GYN vs. an internet forum of oversexed and undersexed yahoos.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Have you talked to your H about not wanting kids? how does he feel about it?

If you are that sure you dont want kids then i say go with the surgery. if you think birth control screws with your emotions wait until you have to deal with an abortion.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Is he willing to get a vasectomy?



VeryShyGirl said:


> I'm trying to decide what the best method of birth control is for my husband and I and I'd appreciate hearing about others experiences. For many years I was on the pill and we used condoms... great except when I stopped taking the pill (because I lost my health insurance) I realized the hormones had been messing with my body. The sex drive I thought I didn't have in me came to light; our sex life has been awesome since then and I don't want to give it up. We've been using just condoms.
> 
> Last night, for the first time in the 6 years we've been together the condom broke. I was totally freaked out. This morning ran out and got emergency contraception. But this episode got me thinking.
> 
> ...


----------



## Momof3kids (Nov 24, 2009)

Talk to your doc about possible options other than the pill. An IUD may be a good option for you. I will tell you that any birth control isn't 100% effective. I have two kiddos which were the result of the pill and the patch NOT working... Love them both and wouldn't change it - but the pill isn't always 100% for anybody...

But - I'm with MEM. If your hubby's willing and doesn't want any kids - a vasectomy is the best way... It's outpatient. The recovery time is WAY faster than a tubal ligation, and the reported side effects are far less in a vasectomy. 

Also - talk with your hubby before you do anything. Make sure you are on the same page with kids... If not - you need to work that out first!


----------



## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

What about other forms of birth control? Female condoms, a diaphragm, isn’t there some kind of spray/foam thing too? None of those effect your hormones and if used with a regular condom it can be more effective than each used on their own.

Doesn’t IUD still mess with the hormone levels?

Personally, I’m on the pill. I know it messes with my hormones but it makes me feel safe and I just have to put a little work into my sex drive. I much prefer worrying about my drive than an “oops” if you know what I mean. 


As to your feeling about not wanting kids. I’m the same way… sometimes. I’m flaky on the subject (I know, not good) and have definitely had the “no way!” feeling before. You’re not alone in this, having children is a major life change and not one that should be entered into lightly. I agree with the others, if you and your H are positive that you will not want biological children he can get a vasectomy much easier than you can have your tubes tied.


----------



## losinglove (Dec 8, 2009)

I agree with MEM also. If your husband doesn't want any kids either, go with the vasectomy. A couple days having a bag of frozen peas on the groin and all is well.

You will still need to use some other form of BC for a few weeks until the "supply" is depleted.

If you think there is possibly a chance sometime down the road, you could also freeze some of his guys for later use.


----------



## Luvmybabe (Mar 6, 2010)

There is alot of different alternatives out now first you can get a IUD without hormones, I was on BC for 13 years got off of it and my sex drive got wonderful also my body felt so much better as far as a vasectomy my DH got one not to long ago and it wasnt bad at all he was scared to death of it but wanted it done, we used condoms for about a year then he got that done . Best thing is talk to your GYN.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

A vasectomy is definitely not the best solution and even less reliable than condoms. If you went 6 years before a condom broke, you might not get that long with a vasectomy. I don't know, maybe they are doing something different these day to have perfected the outcome for everyone to respond about it being the best thing. I know several couples who have a child after a vasectomy. Thought they were done having children and were very surprised. The biggest problem with that is no one knows all that many men who got a vasectomy, so how can I even begin to calculate that kind of failure rate? I have no idea. I haven't heard about any in 10 years or more, but it also hasn't been a topic of discussion for me in that long. During that time, doctor's recommendations never addressed the failure rate, or they downplayed it. So even then, I couldn't begin to understand why I knew so many failures....or surprise children. The fact is, if you don't know anyone who has had a vasectomy, then I don't think you should recommend it. If you do know someone for whom it failed, then I don't think you should recommend it because truly, you don't know all that many men who got one. So again, how you do calculate that kind of failure rate?

VeryShyGirl, it is insane the way you describe pregnancy and childbirth. Of course, you have a right to think of it however you wish, but it sounds awfully adolescent. Like that is what you felt when you first learned of it at 10/12 years old, then you never grew up. Obviously, you will consider having children at some point, just so long as you don't have to birth any. So, maybe consider counseling for your fear. Sounds a little neurotic and off the deep end. Or don't. Think however you like. No doubt Sigourney Weaver would agree with you.


----------



## losinglove (Dec 8, 2009)

8 guys that I know of on my street that have had a vasectomy and no surprise kids. Even the Dr that does the procedure suggests getting tested every year or two to make sure things have not reattached.

Every birth control method has a failure rate. Choose the one that is best for you.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WantsHappiness said:


> Doesn’t IUD still mess with the hormone levels?


Mirena IUD has hormones (good for up to 5 years) -but the Paragard is compleletly hormone -free (good for up to 12 yrs). I highly recommend Paragard -if you can find a Doc who will recommend this -since you never had kids. My Aunt got hers when childless, got it out many yrs later & had a child in her 40's. It can be done. Once inserted, it is like nothing. You will not feel it, never have to think about it -ever again. Fail rate is as low as getting your tubes tied. Without the surgery. Plus the added benefit if you change your mind years later. 

I know of ONE couple where the vasectomy failed -talk about a shock!! But this is soooo very very rare. The pill fails way more -I know of 4 moms who had that happen, usually when they took antibiotics !


----------



## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

I am on the same boat as you OP, been using condoms, but for us we've had lapse of judgement on those nights where we've had a cpl to drink and decide to get wild. Because of that I am getting on the Mirena. It's abit more expensive (anywhere from 300-500 depending) if you dont have insurance, but its good for 5 yrs, which if u add it up, if a good deal. I would suggest going on their website though and reading the possible side affects, because there are quite a few. If its something that the good outweighs the bad then it could be for you....

And on another note- I was absolutely TERRIFIED of having a child. I KNEW i wouldnt be albe to push one of those suckers out of me (LOL) and never wanted to try...... BUT I did get pregnant- had a c-section (hahah i was right about the pushing, knew it all along) And honestly the fear was worse for me than the pregnancy and birth- and SO WORTH IT!!! Hahahah im not trying to talking you into a kid LOL- just thought i'd say it cause ur OP couldve been me 3 yrs ago exactly _


----------



## VeryShyGirl (Feb 18, 2010)

Scannerguard & Susan 2010 - Yes, I realize that my fear of pregnancy and childbirth is over the top and somewhat childish but I guess I never outgrew those feelings. I have no idea why but I am fully aware that it is not normal. This latest episode prompted me to do a lot of thinking. I still do not want to get pregnant but I think my fear has subsided a bit, maybe to a more realistic level. It really helped that my H was soooo concerned and loving after the condom broke and I freaked out. I think he could help me through it if I got pregnant. 

Blanca - good point. After thinking some more I decided abortion probably wouldn't be an option, I'd feel too bad about killing part of him...

A vasectomy sounds very appealing and he mentioned that maybe it was the answer but its not something I want him to do until he's older. What if I change my mind and we want to have a baby someday? We haven't talked much about kids. He was pretty surprised at my reaction to the condom breaking and had no idea I was that scared of pregnancy. We need to talk more though, I'm not sure if not having kids would disappoint him or not... kinda scared to ask. Plus if I die tomorrow (you never know) I'd hate for him not to have kids with somebody else down the road; he's only 30.

WantsHappiness & SweetiepieMI - its very encouraging to hear that others have (or had) the same fears. Sometimes I feel like the only one; every other female I meet seems to look forward to having babies. At this point I'd still freak out if I got pregnant but going through with it knowing it'd end in a c-section is something I could probably deal with. Thanks.

Thanks to everyone for the help. I am going to go to my doc and see what she thinks. IUD sounds appealing...


----------



## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

I think that if you feel that you may at any point want to have a child, then tubal ligation or a vasectomy shouldn't be an option. Those are to be considered permanent forms of sterilization so don't think they can be reversable or have part of you hoping that you might have an oops in there. For people who have had kids after having a vasectomy, usually they didn't wait long enough afterwards to count on it, or it grew back. I know one guy had it done twice and it grew back both times! (the doctor wasn't an idiot, the pathology report both times reported he did in fact snip the correct tubes). 

Anyway, I think you should really think about your fears of pregnancy and having kids. I didn't want kids for a long time and we had an oops 10 months into our marriage. I love her more than anything and while I do wish she would have come at a later time, I'm ok with it now. It took me until I was 7 months pregnant before I could really believe I could do it. It wasn't easy emotionally at all, but it's great now. My H is all ready begging for another child- our daughter is 15 months old- and I'm not sold on the idea yet. We have used natural family planning since she was born and done well with it. I was on BC when I got pregnant with her. There are many options and you should explore all of them and really think through everything you want NOW and what you WILL want in the future.


----------

