# Tell me when you knew it was hopeless.



## Gwendo74 (Jun 26, 2011)

Hey--i have been on here a bit, but not very often. i need some unbiased advice. 
My husband and i have recently separated. i could tell the whole story of how it got that far, but i think it's more important to point out the problems.

When problems arise, i agressively tackle them and he shuts down. My aggressiveness/energy/emotion freaks him out

We are overextended financially and at risk of foreclosing on our home. I (admittedly impulsively) take drastic measures to prevent that. He pretends it doesn't exist.

Fundamentally, I'm a doer and a passionate person (my energy for arguing can sometimes be taken personally and intimidating to people)
He is not assertive and content to "follow the rules" and minimize conflict. Yet he is brilliant, talented and comfortable with routine.


Biggest asset: i love and am attracted to him. Best sex i've ever had. love his company. 

Biggest problem: does not pay bills, work, or plan childcare for kids so i can work. avoids any serious communication. sloppy and doesn't help with chores. Medical problems due to being overweight, my healthcare covers some but not all.


that's the snapshot. 
He's been affectionate, sweet and admiring recently. But still in my heart i feel like I've been too hurt by him to just ignore what's happened and give into what "feels good". Meanwhile, he's such a "nice guy", nobody understands and i look like I'm just trying to cut him out. He is excellent at opting out of conflict, so when someone makes a decision like--let's get divorced--it looks like he was a blindsighted babe in the woods.

Thanks for listening.
Thoughts/anyone feel the same way?


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