# Regret, resentment etc.



## atbab (Aug 22, 2011)

I have experienced an emotional roller coaster over the past 5weeks. About the time my wife gave me an ultimatum to see a marriage councellor or a lawyer.
We have been married for 14.5 years and looking back there were very few good years if any. The choices I saw myself as having were to call it a day or work on sorting the marriage out. If unfixable then decide to leave. I chose the latter.

In the past I had not been honest and open with my wife and bottled everything up when upset or angry. There were also other woman, that provided emotional support or physical. Physical was normally from prostitutes bar 2 instances where they were one night stands.

These are all things I have come clean about and told my wife. Could have left sleeping dogs lie but felt I needed to get it all out and start being honest about the past, present and future. I still want to try keep the relationship alive but my wife has up and down moments. I do not profess to understand the pain she is going through and the hurt she must feel. Over the past few weeks she has repeatedly stated she wanders what life would have been like for her had she left me earlier when she knew something was wrong (14 years ago). And that she regrets not making that decision. I do feel guilty and am trying to make things right. She does not want to make a decision about staying or going to I continue to try win her back.

I suppose I am just wondering how do you know when to let go. I had this great plan 4 weeks ago but am starting to doubt myself. The signals I am getting from my wife are also all over the place. There are times she will kiss me and start initiating sex but then something goes off in her head and she just stops. We talk about it but I don't really get any answers other than she was fantacising about something but was not going to plan so she lost interest. She won't let me kiss her but she kisses me when she is in the mood, normally leads to her taking her cloths off. 

Are there any wives that have experienced a cheating husband that can provide some insight to what they would have wanted from the spouse to assist with the healing.
We are going to councelling but seem to talk about the same stuff we talk about at home. I know it will be a slow healing process but I am not getting clear messages from my wife. I am holding on to the fact that it means she is wanting to try.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

affairrecover.com
check them out...


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## marianne47 (Oct 18, 2011)

she is in a very sad and lonely place at the moment.i feel the same way.its been 3 weeks since d day.even though it was a one night stand that he came clean with after 22 years,i knew something happened then but i was in denial and he told me lies all these years,(he gave me crabs thats how i found out)my emotions are all over the place,when im not with him i want to be with him,when i see him i want to kill him,i have had sex with him in the last 2 weekends and i dont kno why maybe im trying to compete with her,but its been so long ago he does not remember the sex!!he was drunk,and then i feel like my throat has been cut ,i cant breathe!!give her time ,dont rush her with presents she might think you are buying her off,i got flowers and my heart sank instead of feeling happy that he loves me.hold her,caress her,make time for her,im really upset but i still dont kno what im going to do because i feel my marriage has been one big lie,good luck to u,i cant believe im giving advice to a cheater and cant deal with my own marriage at the moment!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good for you for telling your wife that you cheated. I commend you. It's not an easy thing to do and because of the fact you had sex with other women, including prostitutes, she absolutely has a right to know so she can get tested for STDs and her health. 

She will be all over the place for a long time. You have shattered the world as she knew it. If you want to make it work, you are going to have to be patient with her, be accountable, transparent, open, honest and listen to her. Apologize and empathize with her. Ask her what she needs of you and see it through.


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