# Well, I wrote my husband a letter!



## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

I gave it to him when he got home from work tonight. I handed it to him and i went to go lay down with our son to get him to go to bed. I was almost midnight.

I came out to the living room about a half hour later and nothing. He didn't say a word about what I had written. A half hour went by he got up and said he was going to bed. He comes out 5 minutes later and jumps my ass about what I had written.

He then puts everything on me. Everything that is going on is apparently my fault. I did not criticize him at all. I started off by telling him how much I love him. Telling him how i felt about things and that something needs to be done about what is going on with in our marriage. 

He got defensive and started yelling at me. The only needs he seems to care about are his own and no one else's. I have spent all night in the living room crying my eyes out and he is in bed asleep with out a care in the world.

I was hoping for a much better outcome of this. Open a door way for us to talk about the way things are going with us. And work on it. I didn't expect anything to happen over night, but this is not what i wanted at all. He also said that i am a coward for not talking to him directly. How CAN I when he is a complete and utter ******* about this entire thing and will not listen to what i have to say what so ever. My needs in any way shape or form it doesn't seem to compute.

He also said that if i left him he would fight me for custody of our baby. I have no money to fight him. I am a stay at home mom. I have nothing. I am so upset right now. 

I am so lost, I dont know what to do. He obviously doesn't give a ****.

On a side note. I think he may be having an affair. He has been different since around the time our son was born. Odd behavior. Unlike him. He has never ever in the entire time we have been together been so cold toward me.


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## breathe (Feb 2, 2011)

Exactly how long has he been different/cold?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm not so sure that he doesn't give a s***.

His over the top defensive reaction is proof of that.

Instead of addressing your concerns he went on the attack?

I would call that pretty cowardly.

He might come around to addressing whatever it is that was in the letter, but he seems the type to not do so.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

ladyybyrd said:


> I gave it to him when he got home from work tonight. I handed it to him and i went to go lay down with our son to get him to go to bed. I was almost midnight.
> 
> I came out to the living room about a half hour later and nothing. He didn't say a word about what I had written. A half hour went by he got up and said he was going to bed. He comes out 5 minutes later and jumps my ass about what I had written.
> 
> ...


It is never a good idea for a woman to become completely dependent on a man. Men are controlling by nature and money is power. He knows that you have nowhere to go and no cash of your own, so he treats you like garbage. Very sad and abusive.

Get a job, even if it is only part time and minimum wage. He will respect you more, once he sees that you are trying to look after yourself.

He might be cold, because he is jealous of the baby. Have the two of you stopped having sex?


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## Wild1 (Dec 29, 2010)

ladyybyrd said:


> On a side note. I think he may be having an affair.




Wo wo - wait. A side note? OMG that's not a side note --- that's the whole enchilada. See the other forum on infidelity if you like.

If you even_ think _he is having an affair, then whether or not he is does not matter, you will be affected the same way, the only difference being how fast the smack in the face will come.

Strongly recommend speaking to a licensed professional for yourself & for your marriage and then for a lawyer so you know your rights and are not scared about what he may do (even if you do not file for anything, this service is generally free). This is about you - not him. Once you make it all about him (threatening to get the kids, you being a stay at home mom, etc) you have already lost no matter what you do. AND you'll be miserable doing it.

By the way, what state do you live in? I know for a fact that in at least 30 states, not only would you get the kids and get child support, unless you were a drunk, child abuser or something worse, but he would pay you alimony for all the work you have done at home - and HE would have to pay for your lawyer. Ask one, you'll see. 

DO NOT let him do this to you. If you do, then you have no one to blame but yourself - you have to take a stand at some point, life is waaaaay to short for that kind of stupidity. No need to threaten, but your task IS to make him aware of the current situation and that it's not only in his hands only.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

He's using the threat of taking the child as a way to keep you right there with him. I have no advice I am sure you have done the things that I would suggest. It's sad that some men just don't get it. When there is a divorce no one wins, everyone looses. Some would rather go thru the hell of divorce than work on a few problem areas.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

He took what I had written the wrong way. Not the way i intended it to be interrupted. He thought what I was saying was either you put out or get out. This was not the message i was trying to give him. He thought i wanted another man, Which if that were that case i would have gone through with an affair, i didn't. He always blows everything out of proportion, which is understandable, every one takes everything differently. One word can mean something totally different to another person.

We talked about it this morning, he brought it up, because i was not talking to him after what was said last night. He asked what he needed to change. According to him everything was fine. I guess if it were me I would have been a little upset also. I guess i really can't blame him for that.

About the affair - i am not sure if this is what is truly going on, I could be blowing this aspect out of proportion, because of the situation.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Ladybird....I suspect his reaction was simply knee jerk. His whole persona...the whole Alpha Male macho thing has been 'attacked'. I would probably have reacted the same way initially....but once I have calmed down and actually digested what you wrote then...

I know things might be really sh!t for you at the moment...but hang on in there a bit longer...let him calm down and actually understand what it is you are trying to tell him... Jezza


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