# Lust for revenge



## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

Well it's been over a year since she betrayed me and left. It's taken everything I have to try to move on....to live. I find myself just as broken as I was a year ago, though I'm past the stage of wanting or loving her.

All I want now is revenge. It consumes me. Every waking minute of every day. 
I want her to suffer as I have. I know she's still with the guy she left me for and is happy... And I'm just not okay with that anymore.

I truly believe in accountability and I've had enough of letting her get away with this. The hatred I have in my heart for her grows daily at an astounding rate. It's eating away at my soul. I feel like I will not find peace until she pays for what she has done.

The thoughts have changed me. I'm thinking in ways I never thought I was capable of. I fantasize about crushing her world and every little bit of happiness she feels...and I would do so with a smile on my face. I truly hate the person she has become.

I'm sick of waiting on karma. If I myself have to be karma's sword, so be it. If I have to take matter in my own hands, so be it. I'm just tired of this. So tired...
#rant


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

First off, I reeeaaaaally hope that you don't have kids, at least w/ your ex.

Second, *please don't do anything that has the potential to land you in a jail cell*.

Are you currently separated or divorced?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Brokenman85, I've been where you are when my first marriage ended. Looks like you've fully reached the anger stage of the grieving process. This is completely normal.

The thing is don't let it consume you. I read your original post. You were in a band, having the time of your life. Find something to throw yourself into. Live life again. 

The first year is the hardest, I get it. I was a complete mess for a while and I was angry for a very long time. My biggest fantasy was that my XW would come crawling back on her knees begging for my forgiveness so I could laugh at her. It never happened, but that was my fantasy. I bet you have something similar.

Look at it this way: There are plenty of guys who have it hundreds of times worse than you. They invested many years into their marriage, money, and property, and children that tied them together....only to have their WW cheat and leave them. Some of these guys are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.

You're not even 30 yet, and in the prime of your life. *You had no children with her*. *Thank your lucky stars!!!* You have a lot going for you!

You WILL get past this, I can guarantee that. Time eventually heals all wounds. One day you will love again, and wonder what you ever saw in your POS serial cheating ex-wife. That is for sure. You will look back and wonder "What the frack was I thinking?". You will look at your children one day and your serial cheating ex-wife will be a distant memory.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What you are going though is a normal stage of grief.. anger.

Find a way to channel the anger. Physical outlets are the best. What sports do you like? Do you work out? You need to literally work out through the anger.

She is not worth you going to prison for, or worse.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

The best revenge you can take will be to create a happy productive life for yourself. 

Focus on yourself. Discover what makes you happy. Work on self improvement and develop your hobbies. 

Some day, years down the road you will discover a happiness that wouldn't have been possible if you were still with her.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Acoa said:


> The best revenge you can take will be to create a happy productive life for yourself.


I really would like to believe this, but I also know that there are people out there who for them this is just not enough.

If in the end your disire for revenge keep building up, please just don´t do anything illegal or stupid, is not worth destroying your life in a cruzade to detroy theirs.

what you can do is destroy their reputations making sure it does not get back to you, cheaterville, badboy report any sort of exposure site plage them with their information, and send the links from an anonymous mail and using a different IP that the one form your home, to everybody that they know, in their JOB, people from their church, associations they belong, send warning letters to their neighbors (you know, warning this man is a scum that chases married woman protect your family), pamphlets in windshields of placrs where they hang around, just remember if you are gonna do it, do it in a way it can not be tracked back to you, and is also important to just say facts and no suppositions or exagerations just in case it get back to you.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

The longer you let this eat at you, the worse it will get and no doubt lead to trouble.

Look. The fact is it's over and there's nothing you can do about it except make yourself better but until you let go of the anger and getting revenge, you'll stay in the rut your in and it will get deeper to the point where you can't get out.

I know how you feel and my anger I had towards my first wife at me up until friends told me what I told you and I hope that you'll listen and not make the same mistake of letting it consume you.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Lila said:


> It's been over a year since his ex left the marriage. As the OP stated, she's happy in her new relationship with the OM.


true but the fact remain that he is a man that sleeps with married women (even if generalization is a fallacy, the fact remain that just messing with one is enough to earn you a bad reputation), so so disclosing this information to people that probably believes that they are normal couple who meet after her divorce (which is probably the story that they say) could affect many social and laboral relationships, and even form a crack in their romatic relationship, and more if the form of disclosure is shocking and directed to shaming them.
:FIREdevil:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Why do you care if she is having a good time?

Do you care what others might think about you in terms of how or why she left you?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

August 2013:



Brokenman85 said:


> Love blinds us my friend. I should HATE my wife for what she has done to me. Somehow I just can't. Hopefully someday I can...


February 2014:



Brokenman85 said:


> Do I hate her? I feel like it might be getting to that point.


June 2014:



Brokenman85 said:


> I want her to suffer as I have. The hatred I have in my heart for her grows daily at an astounding rate.


This isn't going to end well.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Brokenman85,
I'm sure some mornings you wake up feeling peaceful and content at least at first. You're whole day can be that way but you've got to let go of your ex. There's no room to hate her if she just doesn't matter anymore.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Yeah, but sh!t happens in life. Let that go and move on. Whining about it and fantasizing about revenge just allows other people power over him. He could focus that energy in really productive ways.

Revenge won't do anything to get at the uynderlying issues of why he has such fantasies and why anger is so strong in the way it is. Are you in IC? IC can help you realize what anger is for you and how you tend to use it and how to get past it so you can work through the underlying stuff.

Let it go. Walk away from it. You're not the first and not the last man to have been cheated on. Man up and walk away from it. Get some hobbies. Get some friends. Get into the gym and get in shape. Get a new look. Look for a new job, whatever. 

Exposing this at this late date will make you look like a whiny little punk. Even if it didn't, you won't feel relief for more than a moment because the underlying stuff is all still there.



manticore said:


> true but the fact remain that he is a man that sleeps with married women (even if generalization is a fallacy, the fact remain that just messing with one is enough to earn you a bad reputation), so so disclosing this information to people that probably believes that they are normal couple who meet after her divorce (which is probably the story that they say) could affect many social and laboral relationships, and even form a crack in their romatic relationship, and more if the form of disclosure is shocking and directed to shaming them.
> :FIREdevil:


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Hey, I am just giving side options other than violence, if you people did not read his the opening post, he wants to do something to placate his desire of revenge, just telling him that he have to let go is not going to work, he had more than a year to let the feeling go and is still there, instead of saying how useless my advice is why don't you actually give something to the OP.

because obviously telling him that he have to resign and do nothing about it is not going to work, if that were the case then he would not be posting to begin with.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

manticore said:


> Hey, I am just giving side options other than violence, if you people did not read his the opening post, he wants to do something to placate his desire of revenge, just telling him that he have to let go is not going to work, he had more than a year to let the feeling go and is still there, instead of saying how useless my advice is why don't you actually give something to the OP.
> 
> because obviously telling him that he have to resign and do nothing about it is not going to work, if that were the case then he would not be posting to begin with.


I tend to agree. Brokenman85, you'd be surprised how therapeutic it is to think mean thoughts while exercising. A punching bag is probably the best but even with weights and cardio, you can push further when pushed by anger. And then it's gone (until tomorrow).


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

I too earn for the revenge that I seek. This has really knocked me to my knees and I want my wife to experience the pain and suffering emotionally that I have felt. All in the interest of butterflies in her gut/heart as a walk away spouse I have been beaten to smithereens. How can I enact my revenge.


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

Thankfully, I have no kids with her. If she would of had it her way, we would of had them years ago. She would of had no problem taking them away from me too. Her mother did that exact thing to her father when she was very young. 

She's an impulsive person and doesn't really think about the effect of her decisions long term(duh, I guess). I wanted to wait until she was finished with Nursing School to have kids(which I helped pay for mind you). 

As for exposing...I did that a long time ago. It did nothing. All it did was make me lose more hope in the world as people watched, did nothing, and accepted the travesties she afflicted upon me and my family. 

She was insanely close to my family...My mother, my nieces, my cousins, our cats. She really didn't even talk her own family that much really. Then she left us all one day.....Cold turkey. No arguments, no prior communication, nothing. She packed her things and was gone.

It wasn't enough to just leave my either. Oh no... She had to tell me things that absolutely destroyed my confidence, lied, manipulated, and tried to take half of my stuff(She moved into a furnished apartment because of me). She made me out to be a monster. She told this to anyone who would listen...and I sadly started to believe her. Not any longer though. I know who the real monster is.

At this point, I've tried everything to move on. Self help books, New Job, Personal self reflection, New hobbies, New wardrobe, Working out, Eating healthy, Hanging out with friends, Dating....nothing is working. Nothing is making me happy. I can't rest until I know she pays.

Why do I care so much you ask? Because I loved her with everything I had.....unconditionally. I loved her through all the lying and cheating she did to me over the 9 years we were together. We built up dreams together. We planned our children and our future. Everything was planned out....and it was a dream come true for me.

Then she took it from me.....she took everything. She devastated me AND my family. No explanation, no trying to save it. Just up and gone in a flash. Threw me out like I was a piece of trash after everything I had done for her. Lied her a$$ off on why she was leaving. I had to find out on my own.

I just can't sit back and let someone get away with that without doing anything about it. I just can't. It's not right. I'm worrying myself..... I've lost myself. Every bit of progress I have made gets stuck on the fact I know she is happy and doesn't deserve to be. 

*I'm the one* with a good heart, *not her*. Why should I have to suffer while she is happy? Knowing that _I could_ take away her happiness anytime I want is a lot for me to handle. It's *all *I want to do at this point, but I would pay for it and so would my family. 

She really did a number on me. If I sound crazy, it's because I probably am now. Maybe I am the monster she claims me to be...but she created me.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Seriously, I'm sorry that your pain is eating you so much inside...I know it sucked having been so victimized, but do you really want to become a villain yourself? Don't join the Dark Side.


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

Lila said:


> Have you tried counseling with a professional therapist?


The one thing I haven't tried. I have talked countless hours with my mother over it. I have also came here for support. I simply can't afford professional counseling...but really, I already know what they are going to tell me. There is only so much someone can say to me.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Think "Count of Monte Cristo".

Find the OM's mom, seduce her, have funky videotaped sex with her, then disperse the video to OM and his friends and family.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Think "Count of Monte Cristo".
> 
> Find the OM's mom, seduce her, have funky videotaped sex with her, then disperse the video to OM and his friends and family.


He's hot today
Oh golly! I'm hot today! - YouTube


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

tom67 said:


> He's hot today
> Oh golly! I'm hot today! - YouTube


You could melt butta on me arse.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Brokenman85 said:


> As for exposing...I did that a long time ago. It did nothing. All it did was make me lose more hope in the world as people watched, did nothing, and accepted the *transvestites* she afflicted upon me and my family.


I realize that this is a typo, but it's insanely hilarious nonetheless.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Geez. I don't say this often, but... OP, I'm praying for you, sir. I earnestly do hope that you are able to find some measure of peace.

Please please PLEASE find a way to obtain some professional counseling.

Please.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> I realize that this is a typo, but it's insanely hilarious nonetheless.


Actually the whole sentence is funny. "Exposing" while "people are watching"...then she inflicted "transvestites" on him. That is pretty funny. Could make a play out of it. 

Read your sentence man...maybe it will make you laugh.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I dated a guy for two years who treated me very badly. 

His fiancé and the love of his life (at 20) dumped him almost at the alter. 

Unfortunately for me, I was his next girlfriend and coincidently had the same name as she did. 

I knew he was torn up over the loss of her and I thought it would pass. I took abuse for two years and then I broke up with him. 

He apologized and begged for me back but the damage was done and I moved on. 

I don't know how his life turned out but he and I could have had it pretty good if he had gotten over his anger, fear and rejection instead of taking it out on me. 

Seek some counseling and don't repeat the process. Don't ruin your future. If you ruin your future, she is still taking from you. 

Try to work out your anger and someday, when you least expect it, you may hear something has not worked out for her. Not everyone who runs around acting happy is really happy. 

Take care of you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> Not everyone who runs around acting happy is really happy.


QFT. Probably (at least) half of what is posted to Facebook and other social media outlets would seem to be a testament to this notion.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Brokenman85 said:


> Thankfully, I have no kids with her. If she would of had it her way, we would of had them years ago. She would of had no problem taking them away from me too. Her mother did that exact thing to her father when she was very young.


In many ways you are so very fortunate that you do not have kids with her.



Brokenman85 said:


> As for exposing...I did that a long time ago. It did nothing. All it did was make me lose more hope in the world as people watched, did nothing, and accepted the transvestites[sic] she afflicted upon me and my family.


That should tell you plenty, revenge isn't going to do it for you either. You may hope it does but it won't give you back what was ripped out.



Brokenman85 said:


> She was insanely close to my family...My mother, my nieces, my cousins, our cats. She really didn't even talk her own family that much really. Then she left us all one day.....Cold turkey. No arguments, no prior communication, nothing. She packed her things and was gone.


It happened and it hurts, you can't go back to before, you recover and gain nothing by gripping the past so tightly that you won't let go.

I hope you let go, as it's the only way you will have a chance at happiness.



Brokenman85 said:


> It wasn't enough to just leave my either. Oh no... She had to tell me things that absolutely destroyed my confidence, lied, manipulated, and tried to take half of my stuff(She moved into a furnished apartment because of me). She made me out to be a monster. She told this to anyone who would listen...and I sadly started to believe her. Not any longer though. I know who the real monster is.


It's great you know who the real monster is, she lied manipulated and destroyed, it's what cheaters do. Although you can't feel it, you should be grateful she revealed herself to you. So that you can move on to something better.



Brokenman85 said:


> At this point, I've tried everything to move on. Self help books, New Job, Personal self reflection, New hobbies, New wardrobe, Working out, Eating healthy, Hanging out with friends, Dating....nothing is working. Nothing is making me happy. I can't rest until I know she pays.


Why bother with revenge, you'll still feel empty and may well suffer more for it. Not to mention revenge may hurt the innocent without you even realising it.



Brokenman85 said:


> Why do I care so much you ask? Because I loved her with everything I had.....unconditionally. I loved her through all the lying and cheating she did to me over the 9 years we were together. We built up dreams together. We planned our children and our future. Everything was planned out....and it was a dream come true for me.


Yet it wen't badly, none of us are guaranteed a great life. Your love was misplaced it happens. There is no point in expending more emotion on someone who you mean nothing too. You are still choosing to waste your life, love and emotion on someone who couldn't care less about you.



Brokenman85 said:


> I just can't sit back and let someone get away with that without doing anything about it. I just can't. It's not right. I'm worrying myself..... I've lost myself. Every bit of progress I have made gets stuck on the fact I know she is happy and doesn't deserve to be.


Of course you can if you want to, there's absolutely no reason for you to care what she does. Although it's not right, what she did to you. She has just as much right to a happy life as you do. You and her are over, so you have no right to deny or grant her happiness. How selfish are you?



Brokenman85 said:


> *I'm the one* with a good heart, *not her*. Why should I have to suffer while she is happy? Knowing that _I could_ take away her happiness anytime I want is a lot for me to handle. It's *all *I want to do at this point, but I would pay for it and so would my family.


At the end of the day now that you are over she owes you nothing.



Brokenman85 said:


> She really did a number on me. If I sound crazy, it's because I probably am now. Maybe I am the monster she claims me to be...but she created me.


Then get over yourself, pick yourself up let your sense of entitlement go and get on with your life.

Unless you are a puppet there's no way she created you, take responsibility for yourself. You are capable of your own self determination and control your own actions.

For your own sake please let it pass.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Brokenman85 said:


> Well it's been over a year since she betrayed me and left. It's taken everything I have to try to move on....to live. I find myself just as broken as I was a year ago, *though I'm past the stage of wanting or loving her*.
> 
> All I want now is revenge. It consumes me. Every waking minute of every day.
> I want her to suffer as I have. I know she's still with the guy she left me for and is happy... And I'm just not okay with that anymore.


I don't believe you are past the stage of loving or wanting her.

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is apathy.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Your employer may offer an Employee Assistance Program, or EAP. It is free and confidential therapy. Your employer will never know you went. Your sessions with the therapist are totally free, and completely confidential. Depending where you live the number of free sessions may vary. Anywhere from 3 per year to unlimited per year.

Many therapists will offer a sliding payment scale based on your income. The EAP therapist might offer you reduced fee sessions after your EAP runs out.


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> I realize that this is a typo, but it's insanely hilarious nonetheless.


HAHAHA, that is great. I laughed for like 5 minutes straight. That has to be the best non intentional auto correct mistake I have ever done personally.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

I have been at this stage for a very long time .. it isn't an easy stage. My anger isn't as high as yours but my EX also went straight to the OW#2 and no one that he associates with knows that they were together before he stopped trying to reconcile. It is one of hardest parts of a divorce, outside of raising kids together. It isn't easy to sit back and watch the one that you loved and who destroyed everything inside of you, walk away and be happy with someone else while you are left without yourself worth and are unhappy.

I don't have much advice for you but I do now enough about myself to know that getting revenge would be short lived. It won't do anything to help you move on, like you imagine that it will. In fact, it will make things worse. I know it is hard to sit back and watch and wait for karma and it might not ever be something that you will see. 

I am trying to better my life. It isn't easy and most days, I fail but I have come to the conclusion that if I keep trying to be a better person, then in the end, it will help me a great deal more than to go and seek revenge.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Having sent your rant that started this thread and having seen all the responses, what are you thinking now Brokenman?


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

The thought is the same. I've calmed down a bit, but I still feel the anger. Although I may day dream about doing things that would land me in jail... I ultimately won't do that. It's not worth it. There are legal ways for revenge though. I already plan to put her on cheaterville, but that's not enough. I need more. Any ideas?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Brokenman85 said:


> I already plan to put her on cheaterville, but that's not enough. I need more. Any ideas?


Get a hobby.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Personal said:


> Here's some ideas; abseiling, caving, gliding, cycling, joining a nude drawing group that meets in a pub, fishing, golf, plastic modelling or even dating (since sex can be quite a fun distraction).


I cannot recommend or condone abseiling.

Mainly because I have no clue what it is. 

I would however be interested in meeting with a group that does nude drawings in a pub, as long as I am the only male member of that group.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Brokenman85 said:


> The one thing I haven't tried. I have talked countless hours with my mother over it. I have also came here for support. I simply can't afford professional counseling...but really, I already know what they are going to tell me. There is only so much someone can say to me.



You have probably heard this before, but:

You know now she is a monster. You should be GLAD you are rid of her with no children, no child support, and at such a young age that you have your whole life ahead of you.

As you both age, SHE will lose her value faster than you. (The old saying, men age like fine wine, women age like milk). Your "street value" will go up as your career improves, hers can only go down as she ages.

Just keep thinking of how GOOD it is to be rid of her. Knowing what you know now, would you really want to stay married to such a selfish backstabber? You've flushed out her true colors! Rejoice at your freedom!

This isn't consolation...this is celebration!


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## Little Lion (Jun 30, 2014)

The more anger you have the more your ex wins. You seem to have friends here and I agree with them to get some counceling if you can.


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

Wolfman1968 said:


> You have probably heard this before, but:
> 
> You know now she is a monster. You should be GLAD you are rid of her with no children, no child support, and at such a young age that you have your whole life ahead of you.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your post. I needed to hear this today. I know I am ultimately better off... Just doesn't feel that way right now. It's been almost 14 months and I've haven't felt happiness for a single minute... Sigh.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Brokenman85 said:


> Thank you for your post. I needed to hear this today. I know I am ultimately better off... Just doesn't feel that way right now. It's been almost 14 months and I've haven't felt happiness for a single minute... Sigh.



You feel bad because your illusions were shattered and you have to rebuild. That's a lot of work. And you feel cheated.

But marriage only gets rougher as you age, and problems (and children) come up. She would never have stuck with you and supported you. She's a backstabbing traitor and it's good that you've discovered it NOW. Think of it as an expensive lesson that could have been much, much, MUCH worse, especially if you would have had children.

Rejoice that you smoked her true nature out now, instead of when you really depended on her.


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## Kitten77 (May 9, 2011)

I know exactly where you're coming from OP. LOL! 

Some people don't get it and I understand that, being a grown up and all that... not everyone deals with stress the same way.

I had my own thoughts of revenge. If you've ever seen the movie Office Space, the scene in the field with a crappy fax/copier and a baseball bat? Well it went something like that. It was a symbolic revenge, nothing he'd ever know about - it was for me. I don't need him thinking I'm a psycho on top of everything else.

That x box didn't stand a chance. Was it sort of violent? Yes. Did anyone get hurt? No. To be honest it felt damn good! It was ultimately harmless (he wasn't coming back for it) and better than therapy. The aggression was out and gone for good.


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

Kitten77 said:


> I know exactly where you're coming from OP. LOL!
> 
> Some people don't get it and I understand that, being a grown up and all that... not everyone deals with stress the same way.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry to hear you are in the same place as me Kitten, but it's nice to have it affirmed that my extreme emotions are normal. My anger has subsided in the last couple of weeks, although it is still very much there. Some days I'm sad, some days I'm angry. It's all part of the ride I guess. I'm just hoping to be at least content sometime soon. It may be awhile though...


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