# Jealous wife



## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm. 

Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women. 

Valerie and I became fast friends because we have common interests. We both love traveling and I’ve learned a lot at the firm working with her. She encourages me to try new things and because of her, I am working on my Masters degree. 

Valerie seems to consider me the mvp of the team. She is always mentioning me in meetings and speaks highly of me to her bosses. We go to lunch frequently. She is required to do reviews of our work every quarter, so we frequent a seafood restaurant about 1/2 mile from the office for those reviews. She treats me to lunch each time. 

The last time we went, I saw a friend of my wife’s who mentioned to my wife that I was there with a woman lunching alone. Naturally my wife got upset as I failed to
mention these lunches. I just thought of it as nothing to it. We also would go to Starbucks for a coffee periodically so it just didn’t click I was doing anything wrong.

I got pretty upset with my wife and we got into an ugly argument where divorce was threatened on my part. Since my time at my new job, I’d been talking to Valerie about my marital issues. I told Valerie I was tired of being held back by my wife and kid. I wanted to become a better version of myself. So, Valerie has a friend who is an attorney. She suggested that my wife was a pretty jealous woman to be complaining about our lunch time. She told me I was better than this, and I should think about my options. 

This got me thinking a lot. I love my wife, but we have no passion in our marriage. She is beautiful but she doesn’t build me up as a person. So I know it was wrong, but I callled Valeries friend the attorney to see what my options are.

The attorney told me I needed to start moving my valuables/keepsakes out of the house. So I got a locker to put stuff in. My wife has no idea. 

Last week, I had to travel for work with Valerie. We went to New York for 3 nights on the company dime. It was such a great getaway. We stayed in a nice hotel (separate rooms), ate every meal together, grabbed drinks in the lobby, and took a cab and rode around the city sightseeing. My wife knew of our trip, and wasn’t amused. I kept her in the loop with a few texts here and there as best I could.

Needless to say since I’ve returned, my marriage is hell. One accusation after another. My wife found out about my secret locker and hit the roof. She no longer trusts me. What am I doing wrong by just trying to be a better version of myself????


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

For the "secret locker" -- you realize that your wife is seeing this as a betrayal of trust and YOU positioning yourself to get a divorce -- ALL without any discussion with her.

First, you were 100% WRONG to confide about your marriage issues to a person of the opposite sex.
Second, why DIDN'T you originally tell your wife about these "review" lunches? That is NOTHING that should have been kept from her if you were being honest and "in" the marriage.
Third, how could you honestly expect your wife to NOT be pissed off about your trip with Valerie? You basically were dating her while you were there. 

NONE of the stuff you've done with Valerie (and kept from your wife) have ANYTHING to do with you being a "better version of myself". It's completely unfair to your wife. Going for your MBA is one thing and commendable -- going on a fun-filled weekend to NY with ANOTHER WOMAN is something completely different!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Bjones1969 said:


> *Valerie and I became fast friends* because we have common interests. We both love traveling
> 
> *We go to lunch frequently.* She is required to do reviews of our work every quarter, so we frequent a seafood restaurant about 1/2 mile from the office for those reviews. She treats me to lunch each time.
> 
> ...


Wow. Just wow. Either you are the most naïve man on earth or you're pulling our collective legs by posting ^^this.^^ How do you think affairs begin? So Valerie shares so many interests with you, she champions your work to the higher ups, you confide in her about your marital problems, and the two of you had a great time sightseeing in NYC. .

Gee, I dunno ... Sounds to me like Valerie is part of the package in your quest to be a "better version" of yourself.

Now you're claiming your wife is "jealous." More likely she's ready to lop off your head and hand it to you on a plate! Your friendship with another woman is completely inappropriate. Your wife's anger is completely understandable. 

You've lied to your wife by omission, since she had no clue you and your good buddy, Valerie, were lunching out frequently. You lied by commission by getting a locker in which to place your belongings on the advice of an attorney. And it appears, by doing so, that you are ready to pull the plug on your marriage without having a frank discussion with your wife about all of this.

Just divorce your wife. She deserves a man who isn't behaving this way. And I have the sneaky suspicion that you DO know you've stepped outside your marriage. I mean, c'mon, you are confiding in another woman about marital problems. Sorry, but I can't believe you are that dumb. Seriously.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.

I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Bjones1969 said:


> What am I doing wrong by just trying to be a better version of myself????


🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 

If you're married to someone like Bertha Boronda, I wish you luck.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


indeed, Valerie has a plan, as any go-getter would. And that plan has no respect for long-term partnership or marriage. When she gets what she wants, she’s going to be working on her next move because staying with one guy hasn’t worked out for her in the past and why change that now? She’ll be one step ahead of you all the way.

I mean really, she even suggested a friend who’s apparently a divorce attorney for you to talk to?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

OP..... it sounds like you came here to get validation before you cheat. If that is what you want, i suggest reddit. 

There nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. So far, all we know is that you hold high praise for your boss and nothing but disdain for your wife. You went from 0 to divorce in an instant. Have you tried sitting down with your wife and discussing your issues?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Of course Valerie is a go-getter.

She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a mentally disabled child. Probably has a lot of time too! Yay for you and for Valerie!

I’m sooo glad one person in this marriage is able to be carefree enough, and not caring for their special-needs child enough, to be able to be such a go-getter and better person. 😏

👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Bjones1969 said:


> We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.


You say that you are dedicated to learning, higher education etc.

So, before Valarie encouraged you to take your masters degree, what were these other higher levels of education you were dedicated to?

If you are able to do this now, whilst still married, and at home, then your family have not held you back, that is your own doing.

You seem to be in a bit of a fog at the moment, and not thinking clearly. Your wife is more rational than you.

Are you OK? And I don't mean this sarcastically. 
You seem to have changed character rather quickly, since changing jobs a year ago. There are signs here of a bit of an identity or midlife crisis.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

"Better yourself" huh? Is that what they call it these days?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


Who cares, you are dating another woman while married, no wonder your wife hit the roof. 99.9% of spouses would have. You should NOT be going out for meals with a woman, nor going sightseeing or sharing intimate details about your marriage. She is encouraging you to break up your marriage, how dare she. She is no friend of your marriage at all.
You need to find another job asap, appologise profusely to your wife for acting like a complete idiot and start working on your relationship with your wife.How dare you compare your wife to this boss, how dare you talk to her about private and intimate details of your marriage.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


Cheating does not make you a better person. You cheated, you know this. If you are unhappy you need to divorce your wife and then pursue other relationship. This would make you a better person.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

This is how affairs start.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Your wife is a content person. Not everyone had a type a personality. Of course she isn't holding you back. You are free to get ahead career wise if that is what makes you happy. She is free to work and care for a child with issues.
Your girlfriend, which she is btw, is presumably childless so has more time.
What sort of awful person tries to break up another's marriage?


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

I’m not having any affair. I didn’t cheat. Valerie is just a mentor and good influence on me. I used to work a mediocre job from home for years and it was uninspiring. I was pretty depressed with how my life was going. Plus my wife expected more out of me with
housework and helping our child. 

At my new job- I am finally free. I can go out with Val for a coffee if I want. We can go to lunch. We take walks during the day. I could do none of this whilst at home. Sometimes i feel bad for getting my s*** together since my wife doesn’t have a lot of time to better herself but I’m not sure she would anyway.

So Valerie is living with a man she’s dated for 20 years. He’s fine with our friendship. My wife is not. In fact- my wife is making my home life he**. She’s obsessed with watching me to see if I’m texting Valerie (I’m no fool- we text thru apps). It’s kind of flattering in a way to get this attention from two women, but my wife’s starting to annoy.

I told my wife I wouldn’t put up with her criticism much longer. We had a huge blowout and I told her I didn’t see our marriage as working out. She threatened to kick me out but I’m not leaving-I own the house too. She’s watching me like a hawk as far as Valerie is concerned and threatening to report us to HR.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not having any affair. I didn’t cheat. Valerie is just a mentor and good influence on me. I used to work a mediocre job from home for years and it was uninspiring. I was pretty depressed with how my life was going. Plus my wife expected more out of me with
> housework and helping our child.
> 
> At my new job- I am finally free. I can go out with Val for a coffee if I want. We can go to lunch. We take walks during the day. I could do none of this whilst at home. Sometimes i feel bad for getting my s*** together since my wife doesn’t have a lot of time to better herself but I’m not sure she would anyway.
> ...


Its irrelevant whether her partner cares about your relationship with Valerie. It's way over most people's sensible and wise boundaries. At the very least it's am emotional affair.
Going out for meals, coffee's, sightseeing together, discussing personal information about your wife, it's completely inappropriate for a married man. You are not free to act this way, you are married with a child who needs you.
You are sending secret messages to the OW, sorry that is cheating.

It was you who 'held your self back' not your wife. She doesn't have to be the same as you. She is content, that's a positive not a negative. Valerie is clearly a marriage wrecker. She should be encouraging you to work on your marriage not taking you out on dates, which is what they are, or offering you details of a lawyer.
As for your wife wanting you to help with your child and round the house more, yes, that's what a good dad and husband does.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not having any affair. I didn’t cheat. Valerie is just a mentor and good influence on me. I used to work a mediocre job from home for years and it was uninspiring. I was pretty depressed with how my life was going. Plus my wife expected more out of me with
> housework and helping our child.
> 
> At my new job- I am finally free. I can go out with Val for a coffee if I want. We can go to lunch. We take walks during the day. I could do none of this whilst at home. Sometimes i feel bad for getting my s*** together since my wife doesn’t have a lot of time to better herself but I’m not sure she would anyway.
> ...


You are having an EA with Valerie. You're no fool....you've taken it underground with hidden apps. Your wife doesn't have the time to better herself, and for this she's annoying you. Your daughter requires a lot of time, which you would rather use to further your career and date Valerie. Is Valerie's BF really ok with this? Have you met him? 

Give your wife and daughter proper spousal and child support in the divorce.


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## rescueengine (Apr 2, 2021)

It looks like you measure your work success by what you do with your manager, not what you accomplish for the company/team.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> This is how affairs start.


Start? 

It’s fully embedded and developed.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


You want to be a better version of yourself. How about you start with being a better husband and a better father. At the moment you are failing on both counts big time.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

From your words, it sounds like you despise your wife. Why don't you just divorce her so you can have all the affairs you want?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

“The denial, self-justification, history rewriting and DARVO is strong with this one.”

- Darth Vader


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

So it sounds like your wife has the majority share of caring for a child with special needs. You are darned lucky she does so and is able to hold down a job. If you continue goading her you will likely lose your relationship with your daughter, probably half your income and assets (including the house you're more concerned about than your daughter) and likely end up paying for care for your daughter at least part of the time. Or perhaps you forgot the partnership with your wife is allowing you to go gallavanting and basically dating this femme fatale because she is currently willing to take on the lion's share of childcare. Believe me, that will likely change now she is onto you and sees that you are s%$(ing all over your marriage. I wonder what a catch V will think you are with less than half the assets you have and a chunk of your income going into caring for your child. You need to wake up.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

FFS! Do your wife and daughter a favor and get a divorce. Then you can ride off into the sunset with your work wife. What a piece of work you are.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I stopped reading after I saw enough. 
You are in an Emotional Affair (EA) with this woman, not your wife. You just are in denial about that. 

Yes, you are already cheating. It is atrocious you threatened your WIFE with divorce. That was so misplaced and she should be reading you the riot act. 

This woman, I'm sure, is a great friend and work associate. Keep it there, no further. You're already over the line.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You need to stop with the cosy
dates and the secret messages. You need to get another job and cut off contact with the OW. You won't though because you care far more about yourself and the OW than you do about your wife and child. 
Comparing our spouse to others is a fools game and deadly for a marriage.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is a very interesting and downright educational case study of how many cheaters think and act. Assuming they haven't actually physically consumated their affair, this is a pretty good play-by-play on how affairs develop and progress. 

We usually hear from the BS's side here, but this is a great insight into the WS,, he just hasn't admitted it yet. 

This shows the growing respect, admiration for the AP and striving to get the AP's attention and approval. While at the same time showing not only growing detachment but actual resentment towards the BS. What was very telling was his statement that the BW was, and I quote, "holding me back." I always presumed this was more of a feature of WWs trying to exercise their hypergamy and an assumed better life with the OM but I guess guys do it too. 

I think it's also out of the handbook that the WS blame the BS for their consternation and suspicion and anger. In the mind of the WS, they are just trying to find peace and happiness and love in the world, but that nasty old BS just keeps getting more and more jealous and angry and butting into their business and making things difficult. If the BS would just butt out and stop wanting things from me and stop trying to get me to give her/him my attention and love, all would be well. 

Notice too how the disclaimer that the AP also has a partner dissolves the WS of any wrongdoing for their interaction and is used as evidence that no hanky panky can be taking place even though it is in plain sight. He is basically saying, "oh no, all of our trips away and private lunches and personal one-on-one time together isn't inappropriate, she has a BF." Many a WS use the AP's partner as their own cover. It's like saying, "The personal time, energy and resources I am putting into this other person and other relationship instead of into our marriage, home and family is ok because he/she has partner." This is basically like some other dude banging my wife, but telling his BW that it is ok because I exist. See the twisted reasoning there??

And he is showing a pantheon level of denial and self-justification. He working on becoming the gold medalist in the Mental Gymnastics Olympics. All WS's go through this phase, it's just a matter of degrees. For some like the OP it plays out over time as they develop their mental gymnastic skills. For others it's a matter of having another drink while that charming stud with is deep brown eyes and biceps bulging out from his shirt sleeves makes another flirty joke and nodding towards the parking lot while on a GNO. The time and circumstances may vary, but the stage is the same, there is always a stage of self-denial where one says to themself that they are just stepping outside the club for some with this handsome hunk to get some fresh air or inviting the work colleague back to his room to over some notes for tomorrow's presentation. 

I can go on and keep going point-by-point with almost every statement he makes but I'm sure you get the point. Read this all closely my friends and it will give you great insight into inner workings of an affair from inside perspective of the WS and more importantly how they view the BS's response to the developing affair. 

A lot of what he is saying to the BW and how he is treating her, is what we usually see from the BS's side here. Now you can see how the WS's annoyance and irritation grows and can become actual resentment and bitterness. And you can see the mental gymnastics and self-justification in action as it plays out in real time from the perspective of the WS.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> I love my wife, but ........ She is beautiful but she doesn’t build me up as a person.


Oh yeah, and what you have been and are doing is just soooooooooo much better.
You are just such a shining example.
A veritable pillar of your community.
And when you break wind the room is filled with the sweet aroma of freshly baked cinnamon rolls.
Have you ever considered a career as a motivational speaker?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rugswept said:


> I stopped reading after I saw enough.
> You are in an Emotional Affair (EA) with this woman, not your wife. You just are in denial about that.
> 
> Yes, you are already cheating. It is atrocious you threatened your WIFE with divorce. That was so misplaced and she should be reading you the riot act.
> ...


She needs to be a work colleague only. No meals out. No sharing personal information. No travelling together. No secret texts .


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Your excuses are so ridiculous. 

I'm sure your wife is caring for your child and the home to give you the time to "better yourself." 

People like you make me sick. I hope your wife finds a good lawyer and takes you to the cleaners.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> She needs to be a work colleague only. No meals out. No sharing personal information. No travelling together. No secret texts .


This is called shutting the barn door after the horse has got out. 

She is already a full fledged AP and they are already chest deep in an affair.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

rugswept said:


> It is atrocious you threatened your WIFE with divorce. That was so misplaced and she should be reading you the riot act.
> 
> .


This is actually a pretty common tactic of WS's when being questioned and confronted without proof. The WS believes he/she has a monkey branch either in grasp or close at hand so they feel very emboldened to use the nuclear option to get the BS back in line and off their back. 

This is where we often see the BS doing the Pick Me Dance here on TAM. They are getting cheated on but they are the ones being threatened with divorce and having to split assets and losing the house and paying child support on kids they only see part of the time. 

It's part of the shyt sandwich that gets shoved down the BS's throat. They are basically being told to shut up and get back to work and stay out of my business or I will be filing on you and trying to take you to the cleaners.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I can guarantee you that their coworkers already think they're humping like rabbits.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Bjones1969 said:


> I own the house too.


Your wife divorcing you, will probably fix that.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Excuse me but once again- no affair on my part. I pride myself in being a faithful husband. I’m doing nothing but trying to improve myself and there is nothing wrong with having friends at work while I do so. If Valerie was a man would you all be having issues with me then?

Valerie told me one night at dinner that her and her boyfriend have a non clingy relationship. He does his own thing and she does her own thing. He actually has a tendency to screw up their finances. During our dinner on our last trip, he called her and they had a little argument on the cellphone. When they hung up, she told me he forgot to pay the mortgage on a rental house they own. Her boyfriend is like this- not responsible with money. Spends too much. Lucky for Val she has family money (parents are well off). That’s when we discussed issues I have with my wife as well. I don’t see a thing wrong with two friends supporting each other over a nice dinner and glass of wine (paid for by our company which is a plus). We work hard so we like to splurge. 

So on our last trip, we were set to drive home on Friday morning. I told my wife we would be home in 4 hours. We ended up stopping by an outlet mall and shopping for a couple of hours. Then we stopped once more at a produce stand for some ice cream and produce. Of course my wife wouldn’t stop calling harassing me about when I’d be back. So I put my phone on airplane mode. This made my wife furious, and she started really harassing me about riding in the car with Valerie. It’s one thing after another and I’m tired of her jealousy.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rats flee a sinking ship.
You, buster, sunk it.
You shot a hole in the hull in the engine room.

I get it, you think you outgrew your wife.
Financial wise, career wise, you did.

Moral wise, you sunk to great depths.

You ain't wise, you are (all about you) selfish.

Valerie is your (lack of soul) mate.



_Nemesis-_


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Are you really that naive or stupid? 

You are talking to another woman about very private issues, you are prioritising this woman over your wife and family, you are going out for meals and coffee without telling your wife (keeping it secret by omission at the very least)

Of course your wife is upset because you, Sir, are an absolute 1st class sh*t.

The best thing your wife can do is divorce you. Just grow up.

unless of course, we are being the naive or stupid ones.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Harold Demure said:


> Are you really that naive or stupid?


I smell a rat... the OP can't be so stupid.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> If Valerie was a man would you all be having issues with me then?


Um, she has a vagina not a peter.

I know of very, very few wives that would tolerate this behavior of yours. 

Any that would, likely have a side BF, or a free life of their own.

What planet are you from?
It ain't Earth, and it ain't Mars.

It must be from one of the Moons of Saturn.
Yes.


_Are Dee-_


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

OP you’re right those hard 40-50 hour weeks must really add up. When you’re working that hard it’s nice to splurge and give yourself a little treat now and then!

I’m sure your dinner dates with your boss? are simply self-improvement sessions.

It’s just a coincidence your friend and coworker is a lady. 

After work I often go with my male friends for a nice ice cream and shopping trip. One time we even went to Bed Bath and Beyond and picked out nice little soaps and hand towels.

I’m not sure why your wife would be so upset!

😩


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Hey I’m baaack and… I couldn’t be more sure I’m a dude. Nice story though.

I have to disagree about the wives not putting up with this behavior. Actually, the wives of my colleagues are ok with them going out after work for a drink with our team. They are pretty chill about it. My wife on the other hand not so much. Well- she was at first but then as her green eyed monster reared it’s ugly head, it was no more socializing at work unless I want to hear a rant. I didn’t get married to have a leash on my neck, and I’ve told her I’m not sure our marriage will work out.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> After work I often go with my male friends for a nice ice cream and shopping trip. One time we even went to Bed Bath and Beyond and picked out nice little soaps and hand towels.
> 
> 
> 
> 😩


See my post #39. 

Do men even use the word shopping?? 

Ice cream?? A man may say he was wanting to lick her dripping cone, but would a man ever talk glowingly of stopping at "...an outlet mall and shopping for a couple hours.." ?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In Absentia said:


>


You just got the Post of the Day Award!!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Do men even use the word shopping??


I don’t. I don’t shop, I go to a store to buy something with intent.

However with that said I don’t have a wonderful female boss who I have dinner dates with that is interested in my self improvement.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> and I’ve told her I’m not sure our marriage will work out.


On that, I agree with you and think you've hit the nail on the head.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> I don’t. I don’t shop, I go to a store to buy something with intent.
> 
> However with that said I don’t have a wonderful female boss who I have dinner dates with that is interested in my self improvement.


regardless of genders, I don't think many bosses having private lunches and travels and shopping excusions and private time together etc are interested in their employee's self improvement either.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> On that, I agree with you and think you've hit the nail on the head.


As an old song said, all flowers in time bend towards the sun...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Bjones1969 said:


> Actually, the wives of my colleagues are ok with them going out after work for a drink with our team.


Going out with a team, sure. That is normal. That isn’t what you described in your post.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


Truthfully...you disgust me. 

Why did you even get married? I'm totally with your wife and you are breaking so many boundaries and just stomping on your marriage that it really has no chance to survive unless YOU change your actions. 

First issue. You are valuing work/career over a happy marriage. That's on you. No one made you take this job. Sure, make enough money to pay bills but when your marriage/family starts to suffer due to work then you've got issues. Why even marry if work is your number one priority? Just stay as a bachelor and sleep around and always be free and keep your time and options open.

First mistake. While it is fine to have friends at work....it is fine to have some opposite sex acquaintances and friends....they need to be at another level....in the circles of intimacy and closeness in your life they need to stay on the outside rings....not get into your close intimate areas. You sound like you are willfully getting really close to this woman. You can pal around.....fine but all the time with her, social time, going to lunches alone together.....traveling alone with her? You are the one playing with fire and straining the marriage here.....NOT the wife. 

Second mistake. Crapping on your wife's concern over this NEW friend you decided you needed to make after all of these years. Instead of empathizing with her and understanding a spouse, in a well defined long marriage may not see the need for you to make a female friend and get close with her. The key word is CLOSE. Female friend at work? Sure. You work well together? Sure. But you seem to be making her a CLOSE friend and willfully spending a bit too much personal, leisure time with her. You seem to be totally open to letting her in close to you....lots of your free time and personal time and let her close to your heart. You should hear your wife's concerns and be willing to keep this other woman at bay to a point. Work well together but not spend so much free time with her and to not make her a close acquaintance. 

Third mistake. You are talking about your wife and your marriage issues to this other woman. Are you crazy? Do I even have to tell you that is WAAAAAAAY out of bounds and you are WAAAAAAY over the line. Don't you already know that is wrong? Seriously? You don't already know that without being told????? Seriously? Talking about your marriage and about your wife (VERY PERSONAL STUFF) to another woman? That is insane. You must just want an affair or divorce. 

Fourth. You've started spending all of this personal time with a female coworker outside of work.....lunches and time out of the office. You are telling her private, intimate things and talking to her about your wife and marriage and your wife is very upset about it so what do you do? You travel out of town ALONE with this woman that is concerning your wife? Insane. Insane.

Fifth. This other woman is ACTIVELY GIVING YOUR LAWYERS AND EGGING YOU ON TO GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE AND TO RID YOURSELF OF THIS WIFE, KID ball and chain. She is now an active ENEMY to your marriage. 

Bottom line. This is all for work. A job. 

You are on an out of control express train to an affair and divorce and you are the 100% cause of it all. 

If you loved your wife and wanted a healthy marriage you'd minimize contact with this woman. Not spend any alone time with her outside of the office and, if push came to shove, transfer out of this department or change jobs if needed. 

Per your comments your life priorities are super career success, spending time with this woman and being free....not having the trouble of a wife and child to hold you back from all the selfish YOU stuff you want. It seems bachelorhood was the path you should have taken. You are going to hurt this woman and break her heart and make the kid live in a 2 home life because you are too selfish and you shouldn't have even married if you really didn't want the close bond with one woman and to make the marriage your first priority in life. 

You are the bad guy here. This divorce is going to be on you for all of this hyper ambition to be the top....rather than content with a good, stable job and your desire to hang out with this woman all the time and to share all the intimate details of your marriage and listen to all her "here is a good lawyer...don't let your wife hold you back" coaching she is giving and traveling alone and going out all the time with another woman. Well, it is for work so you justify it is healthy to spend this much social and alone time with another woman. 

Just disgusting.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> As an old song said, all flowers in time bend towards the sun...


I think a lot of people come here, not for advice or perspective or anything of insight on something they may be missing, but rather for someone to pat them on back and say, you go girl! 

People want to hear cheers for the hero and boo's for the villain. And they cast themselves as the hero and whoever else as the villain. 

I think the OP is not here looking for advice or perspective or help in remedying the situation, but rather for people to cheer how valiant the OP is working so hard and fostering such a good rapport with 'Valerie" and wipe away the tear and lend a shoulder to lean on because of how the BS is making things difficult in pursuing this new life with the AP. 

The OP wants us to say how unfair and not nice it is for the BS to not be supportive of this new life and new relationship and to give encourage to stand up to the BS and not let them hold the OP back from total fulfillment.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

I see nothing wrong with what I’ve done and doing. We are not cheating. I do admit that Valerie can be sexy and I do get the vibe that she’s into me and we could take it there. But I do have morals and know where to draw the line. I just don’t need to constantly explain myself to my wife- she should know who she married. 

I don’t particularly enjoy having a wife who has control over me. She should trust me. She has no trust. For my own health and happiness, I can’t remain in a marriage without trust.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I have to disagree about the wives not putting up with this behavior. Actually, the wives of my colleagues are ok with them going out after work for a drink with our team. They are pretty chill about it.


are the other employees having affairs at work though? 

Those other spouses may change their tune if their partners were doing what you are doing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I just don’t need to constantly explain myself to my wife- she should know who she married.


Obviously your spouse does know or is finding out real fast. That's why your spouse has an ax to grind.


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## chazmataz33 (Apr 18, 2021)

This is one time I sure hope the karma bus is already on the road and heading in his direction!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


Whoa sir! You appear to be the problem. Not your wife. Confiding in another woman about your marital issues. Quit trying to rationalize your actions. Your wife deserves better than you that’s for sure.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> This is how affairs start.


Start? Sounds like he's deep in the fog already.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> Hey I’m baaack and… I couldn’t be more sure I’m a dude. Nice story though.
> 
> I have to disagree about the wives not putting up with this behavior. Actually, the wives of my colleagues are ok with them going out after work for a drink with our team. They are pretty chill about it. My wife on the other hand not so much. Well- she was at first but then as her green eyed monster reared it’s ugly head, it was no more socializing at work unless I want to hear a rant. I didn’t get married to have a leash on my neck, and I’ve told her I’m not sure our marriage will work out.


Going for a drink with the team on occasions is v different from going out frequently alone with someone of the opposite sex. 
Come on now. 
Your wife being concerned about your very inappropriate relationship isn't having you on a leash. It's what any spouse would be doing with a partner who was acting the way you are. 
Btw you rarely mention your child. How nice it would be if you actually spent more time with the child and less drinking/eating out with other people.

Look up emotional affair, you are having one.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

chazmataz33 said:


> This is one time I sure hope the karma bus is already on the road and heading in his direction!


What the OP doesn't realise yet is that the OP is the one driving that kama bus.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> I see nothing wrong with what I’ve done and doing. We are not cheating. I do admit that Valerie can be sexy and I do get the vibe that she’s into me and we could take it there. But I do have morals and know where to draw the line. I just don’t need to constantly explain myself to my wife- she should know who she married.
> 
> I don’t particularly enjoy having a wife who has control over me. She should trust me. She has no trust. For my own health and happiness, I can’t remain in a marriage without trust.


No one would trust you the way you are acting.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

So, what do you expect from this forum, really?

How many posters agree with you? 

You are free to go and live in La-la land!!! Just divorce your controlling wife and your life will be awesome!!!  

If you are a big assertive boy, why the need of a group of complete strangers to support your delusional ideas?

Something tells me you are an insecure man looking for validation. 

You'll regret your actions later. Karma is a ... you know what.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Um, she has a vagina not a peter.
> 
> I know of very, very few wives that would tolerate this behavior of yours.
> 
> ...


I think you are aiming a billion miles too short.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I don’t particularly enjoy having a wife who has control over me. She should trust me. She has no trust. For my own health and happiness,


And bank robbers think the world would be perfectly happy and content if the banks would quit locking up all the money and the police would butt out and quit hassling them.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

LoL. Every post you write gives up a little more information that follows the typical cheating pattern. Now your boss says she is having difficulty with her BF and he isn't clingy (I'm guessing the next thing she says is that her and BF have an open relationship, right?). Then you just had to "admit" that your boss is sexy. 

Dude. Just save some integrity here. You clearly despise your wife. Get a divorce and then go after what you want.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> I think a lot of people come here, not for advice or perspective or anything of insight on something they may be missing, but rather for someone to pat them on back and say, you go girl!


I think a lot of people come here to yank our chain.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> I think a lot of people come here to yank our chain.


That too LOL


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

I'll try not to repeat the excellent advice you've already received.

1 - I suggest you read: "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. It's based on research of couples ('good' people) that experienced infidelity and identifies common behaviors that place a marriage at risk. However, the book offers much more than guidance - it goes into some of the nonconstructive and natural 'thinking' patterns that you'll recognize in yourself.

2 - Every spouse has a right to feel safe from infidelity, and every spouse has an obligation to avoid behavior that contributes to their spouse feeling unsafe. Without repeating your story and justification - you failed big time.
Consequently, your wife no longer trusts you. Your behavior destroyed her trust. Those rants etc are caused by you (she's not acting unreasonably).

btw: only you can take the steps necessary to rebuild her trust. And you no longer have the right to expect her to accept the words: "trust me". Why? because she's looking at your actions (not your words).

3 - I know you don't see yourself as a cheater because there's no sex. However, you admitted Valerie is 'into' you. Therefore, you're no longer 'just friends'. Valerie contaminated the relationship (even if one sided) and you're complicite in continuing what is now an inappropriate relationship.

4 - You are comparing your wife to Valerie. That's unfair. No spouse who you have shared the daily grind (including raised a special needs child) can compete - nor should they have to. It's like comparing a sexy new sports car to the old familiar family van. The spouse can't win.

5 - You haven't lived with her 24/7 and raised a child with Valerie. You do not know her. What you do know is that she criticizes her life partner to another man and is nurturing some special feelings for another man. She may be a supervisor/auditor (whatever you do) but she is not a prize life partner because she's not protecting her relationship or partner (read the book). 

And the time she spends with you should be spent with her partner (unless she's in an open relationship).

6 - You need help. The filter you're using to see/evaluate your wife and marriage is distorted. See a professional therapist.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> So on our last trip, we were set to drive home on Friday morning. I told my wife we would be home in 4 hours. We ended up stopping by an outlet mall and shopping for a couple of hours. Then we stopped once more at a produce stand for some ice cream and produce. Of course my wife wouldn’t stop calling harassing me about when I’d be back. So I put my phone on airplane mode. This made my wife furious, and she started really harassing me about riding in the car with Valerie. It’s one thing after another and I’m tired of her jealousy.



Edited to not break the rules.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

OP looking for justification for his behaviour, and not getting any. Sexy Valerie complaining about her loser BF, OP complaining about his jealous wife. You two should just get together, you're perfect for each other. You are similar and think the same way. 
Just divorce your wife first...her jealousy is justified, and you ARE cheating no matter how you view it. Doesn't matter if you ****ed Valerie or not.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> I see nothing wrong with what I’ve done and doing. We are not cheating. I do admit that Valerie can be sexy and I do get the vibe that she’s into me and we could take it there. But I do have morals and know where to draw the line. I just don’t need to constantly explain myself to my wife- she should know who she married.
> 
> I don’t particularly enjoy having a wife who has control over me. She should trust me. She has no trust. For my own health and happiness, I can’t remain in a marriage without trust.


The answer is simple. Divorce her and find happiness elsewhere. You may not be cheating as such, but you do seem to have an inappropriate emotional attachment and inappropriate discussions with your boss. I'm not surprised that your wife is jealous of this. You can't continue, so you need to make a choice.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Who do you love more? Your child or a woman who is helping you to blow his/hers life up? 
Your poor attitude to your wife seems to extend to the child. Still its all about YOU and what you want isn't it so why does your child matter. 🙄


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> I think a lot of people come here to yank our chain.


There was once a thread with a somewhat "out there" situation. I answered their question and gave an opinion/advice on their situation but while doing so I said something along the lines of "if this situation is real and not a troll post" or something like that. The freaking mods swooped in like vultures in like 5 minutes and banned me. 

I tell you. The mods here are the touchiest ones I've ever experienced. 

You just very, very vaguely hinted at the concept of a chain possibly being yanked. I wonder about that myself. We'll see if that was too traumatic for the mods to let rest. 
We'll see.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nope


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Well you sure have a high opinion of yourself. As others have said, you appear to be just another garden variety cheater. It appears that you are so deeply connected to your AP that she is now running your personal life. Your wife's reactions seem to be normal. Does your wife know that you have consulted a divorce attorney and that you are following the attorneys advice? Have you suggested she consult an attorney? If you want to save your marriage you need to seek IC and MC. You also need to break contact with your AP, but we can all see none of this is likely to happen. I feel so sorry for your wife and daughter. It is telling that you value your work status so much higher than the value you put on your role in the family. Please give your wife a fair divorce so she has the opportunity to find a quality life partner. I also doubt this will happen since you are already sneaking around setting yourself up for divorce.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Bjones1969 said:


> Hey I’m baaack and… I couldn’t be more sure I’m a dude. Nice story though.
> 
> I have to disagree about the wives not putting up with this behavior. Actually, the wives of my colleagues are ok with them going out after work for a drink with our team. They are pretty chill about it. My wife on the other hand not so much. Well- she was at first but then as her green eyed monster reared it’s ugly head, it was no more socializing at work unless I want to hear a rant. I didn’t get married to have a leash on my neck, and I’ve told her I’m not sure our marriage will work out.


Hi @Bjones1969, two questions if I may ask:

Imagen you're a SAHD (Stay at home dad) and your wife is the bread winner, would you be OK if your wife was doing what you are doing now? You know, going on trips with a male co-worker, going shopping with him, having dinners with him, lunch with him, ice cream with him, and secret App messaging?!


And If you're Valerie 's boyfriend/husband would you be OK with what she is doing with a co-worker (You)?


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

I'm sorry but your wife had every reason to be upset with how you were acting @Bjones1969 . If you were able to look at your relationship with your boss objectively you would see that you are acting like a couple just starting to date. I think if you were totally honest with yourself you knew from the beginning that you knew going out to lunches and coffee's with your boss was not right or you would have said something to your wife. I think you wife based on what you have said has a lot on her plate because it sounds like she is running her own business while caring for your child who has mental disability without much help from you as it sounds.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> There was once a thread with a somewhat "out there" situation. I answered their question and gave an opinion/advice on their situation but while doing so I said something along the lines of "if this situation is real and not a troll post" or something like that. The freaking mods swooped in like vultures in like 5 minutes and banned me.
> 
> I tell you. The mods here are the touchiest ones I've ever experienced.
> 
> ...


*MODERTOR WARNING:-* Why did that happen? 








Posting Guidelines - Forum Rules (2022)


Thank you for visiting Talk About Marriage. Talk About Marriage is a forum to discuss marriage and relationships. Here, we interpret the word "marriage" loosely, recognizing that many different people from different cultures view marriage differently. Please observe our posting guidelines...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com




*2. Do not call out suspected trolls on the open forum. If you believe a story is made up and/or a poster is a troll, do not call them out on the open forum.* *Instead report the thread to the moderators using the report button and explain that you think they are a troll. The moderators will make the determination and ban any user who is trolling the site.*

See? If you didn't break the rules, you'd not find the "freaking" mods swooping in on you like vultures, would you?

The mods here are pretty laid back. If you think the mods on TAM are touchy you haven't seen some of the mods I have seen on other sites.

However, openly calling out the moderators on any site will earn you a very well-deserved ban. So, @hinterdir, here is your ban.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

So, another big blowout with my wife tonight. I asked her if she wanted to work things out. She said she loves me and wants our family to stay together. I told her she would need to get some counseling for this uncontrollable jealousy. This isn’t the first time she’s been jealous. Right after we first got married she would get upset if I looked at another woman. I explained that is something I think is natural. We worked thru this issue, but it still bothers me and I feel worried she’s always watching to see if I’m looking at women.

Also, about 5 yrs ago when we were dealing with our child’s illness and not able to spend time nurturing the marriage, I admit I did some video chats on my phone. It was a huge issue for my wife (I do not consider that any more cheating than magazines because I don’t know the women i chatted with and won’t ever know them). We got over that too but I feel like she’s always thinking I’m doing stuff on my phone when I’m not.

So I feel my wife sort of pushed me into this freedom seeking attitude. I admit I seem cavalier and aloof, but I want a marriage with some breathing room. Im not a prisoner. My wife needs to realize she cannot keep me on a chain and it is normal to have opposite sex friends. Otherwise it seems like discrimination to me!


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> So, another big blowout with my wife tonight. I asked her if she wanted to work things out. She said she loves me and wants our family to stay together. I told her she would need to get some counseling for this uncontrollable jealousy. This isn’t the first time she’s been jealous. Right after we first got married she would get upset if I looked at another woman. I explained that is something I think is natural. We worked thru this issue, but it still bothers me and I feel worried she’s always watching to see if I’m looking at women.
> 
> Also, about 5 yrs ago when we were dealing with our child’s illness and not able to spend time nurturing the marriage, I admit I did some video chats on my phone. It was a huge issue for my wife (I do not consider that any more cheating than magazines because I don’t know the women i chatted with and won’t ever know them). We got over that too but I feel like she’s always thinking I’m doing stuff on my phone when I’m not.
> 
> So I feel my wife sort of pushed me into this freedom seeking attitude. I admit I seem cavalier and aloof, but I want a marriage with some breathing room. Im not a prisoner. My wife needs to realize she cannot keep me on a chain and it is normal to have opposite sex friends. Otherwise it seems like discrimination to me!


this is a constant trickle of information that is making you look worse and worse.

it’s like you are trying to rile Us up. If you are looking for validation of your actions, you won’t find that here. Every single post - you sound more and more like a cheater. I mean, your actions and thought pattern are definitely headed down that road.

I’m not going to defend your wife. I don’t know her. I don’t know your alls marriage. I can say this: I’d be paranoid for sure if my wife acted like you.

I think you know what you are doing is wrong. I think you are trying to lie to yourself to justify your actions. I think it is only a short matter of time before you physically cheat.

I’m curious what the next piece of damning information we get. 😂


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

LATERILUS79 said:


> I’m curious what the next piece of damning information we get. 😂


And, the plot thickens!!!🤣🤣🤣


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

I'm not sure why the OP is here. He feels he hasn't done anything wrong so what's the point. 

Not that the OP cares but I will say to him that what he is doing is very wrong and disrespectful to your wife. No person should spend alone time with another person of the opposite sex. I don't care if its work related or not. I own a business and whenever I meet with a female employee, there is another person in the room. I will never meet one on one. Too much can go wrong and it could be costly. Your boss is foolish and not a good boss or representative for the company with her actions.

Secondly, you should never be talking to another person of the opposite sex about your marriage. If you have marriage issues get a councilor. You made a commitment to your wife when you got married which were your vows. You should honor them or if you don't love your wife then you should either work on that or divorce her before spending time with another woman. 

Lastly, if you have a handicap child that should be your focus not cavorting around the countryside with another woman.

You don't thing you are doing anything wrong, but I don't see how you are doing anything right!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not having any affair. I didn’t cheat. Valerie is just a mentor and good influence on me. I used to work a mediocre job from home for years and it was uninspiring. I was pretty depressed with how my life was going. Plus my wife expected more out of me with
> housework and helping our child.
> 
> At my new job- I am finally free. I can go out with Val for a coffee if I want. We can go to lunch. We take walks during the day. I could do none of this whilst at home. Sometimes i feel bad for getting my s*** together since my wife doesn’t have a lot of time to better herself but I’m not sure she would anyway.
> ...


No fool. But you just admitted to using secret communications methods to circumvent your wife from learning what you are up to.

Yeah. You are a cheater.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Of course you’re not cheating darling! Even Valerie doesn’t want to sleep with you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


You're kidding right? You don't seriously believe what you're doing is ok, do you????

Good Lord, where do I even start?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> No fool. But you just admitted to using secret communications methods to circumvent your wife from learning what you are up to.
> 
> Yeah. You are a cheater.


Oh he’s preening and trying very hard to impress Valerie, but Valerie’s not interested. Who’s going to touch a man complaining about his sick daughter and wife 😉

I’d love to hear the laughs Valerie and her boyf are having about this guy. Would be a hoot!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


Your wife runs an insurance business from home, while caring for your disabled daughter! Your audacity is absolutely breathtaking...holy cow!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not having any affair. I didn’t cheat. Valerie is just a mentor and good influence on me. I used to work a mediocre job from home for years and it was uninspiring. I was pretty depressed with how my life was going. Plus my wife expected more out of me with
> housework and helping our child.
> 
> At my new job- I am finally free. I can go out with Val for a coffee if I want. We can go to lunch. We take walks during the day. I could do none of this whilst at home. Sometimes i feel bad for getting my s*** together since my wife doesn’t have a lot of time to better herself but I’m not sure she would anyway.
> ...


I hope your wife kicks you to the kerb and takes you for everything she can get


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


That's kind of weird because you sound like a low life. 

You fooled me good that time (providing this is a real poster).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's pretty clear the more you reveal why your wife is jealous. She has every reason to be. 
Btw it's NOT normal(as you claim) to have close friends of the opposite sex who you date and share intimate details about your marriage with. 
I don't know any married people who do this.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)




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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This guy has better dates than I do abd I’m single. I’m jealous.😭
If this is real, I wish I were the judge in his divorce case. His wife would get what’s fair…. Everything.

improving oneself when you’re a husband. Nah dude. You don’t get it. When you get married and have a child together, there is no “one” that doesn’t include your wife and child. 
you can spin your inappropriate friebdship every whichaway all you want. It doesn’t matter. You’ve got no moral compass.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


Look, normally, I would be siding with the person having business lunches, but this woman is trying to aid you in your life plan up to and including divorce, so this is an emotional affair. Now, does this woman really intend to follow through by having a real relationship with you with sex and everything? Yet to be seen. But your wife doesn't know the half of it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm discussing the OP with the assumption that what he is saying here is true. If so, he's just an asshole. I think that succinctly sums it up.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

This may come to everyone’s surprise based on your judgement of me, but I actually am a Christian who reads my Bible. I have a Jesus sticker on my car. I pray often. The problem is that I do not consider my friendship as being wrong. I never had a lot of friends, and it just happens that Val is a woman. My wife tells me that I am her best friend, but I need more than friendship with my wife. 
I don’t discriminate against Val just because she’s a woman. I have had some of the best times of my life with Val. She is fun and I enjoy travelling with her. It’s difficult for my wife and I to travel because of our child. So I see no harm in taking advantage of the fact that my company pays for five star hotels and luxury dining. It just so happens that Val is in these trips (not my fault). We have a lot in common, and just because my wife can’t travel should I not enjoy myself sometimes? 

Back to the subject of friends- I do have one other friend who is a guy I’ve known 20 years. I see him once a month- but should we stop being friends too? 

My birthday was last week and Valerie bought me a keychain and a fifth of McCallan liquor (I’m a fan of the show mad men). My wife blew up and thought this gift from Val was too personal and she is still pissed about it. I just think my wife is a bit controlling. She throws it back in my face that I stopped her from having male friends. Yes I did- but it was because this old classmate of hers was hitting her up on Instagram and chatting with her so I had to shut it down. She’s calling what I’m doing a double standard. It’s not- I’m just friends with a coworker who enjoys travelling for work. Not a thing wrong with it.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> This may come to everyone’s surprise based on your judgement of me, but I actually am a Christian who reads my Bible. I have a Jesus sticker on my car. I pray often. The problem is that I do not consider my friendship as being wrong. I never had a lot of friends, and it just happens that Val is a woman. My wife tells me that I am her best friend, but I need more than friendship with my wife.
> I don’t discriminate against Val just because she’s a woman. I have had some of the best times of my life with Val. She is fun and I enjoy travelling with her. It’s difficult for my wife and I to travel because of our child. So I see no harm in taking advantage of the fact that my company pays for five star hotels and luxury dining. It just so happens that Val is in these trips (not my fault). We have a lot in common, and just because my wife can’t travel should I not enjoy myself sometimes?
> 
> Back to the subject of friends- I do have one other friend who is a guy I’ve known 20 years. I see him once a month- but should we stop being friends too?
> ...


Your wife sees it as a double standard, because in her mind she wasn't doing anything with her male friend, but you made her shut it down, because you wanted to guard the marriage from an interloper..
In your mind, you're not doing anything with your female best friend, but your wife is concerned that you might and you're not taking step to guard your marriage from interlopers.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Don’t Draper didn’t like it much when Betty got attention from Roger at dinner. 

But you’re not Don. Valerie’s not interested.

You’re Lane hitting on Joan.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


So when you divorce you are going to file for full custody of your mentally challenged daughter right?

this quest to be a better you isn't just you deciding to ditch your responsibilities cause they are no longer fun?

I'm sure Valerie will help you with that as well.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> This may come to everyone’s surprise based on your judgement of me, but I actually am a Christian who reads my Bible. I have a Jesus sticker on my car. I pray often. The problem is that I do not consider my friendship as being wrong. I never had a lot of friends, and it just happens that Val is a woman. My wife tells me that I am her best friend, but I need more than friendship with my wife.
> I don’t discriminate against Val just because she’s a woman. I have had some of the best times of my life with Val. She is fun and I enjoy travelling with her. It’s difficult for my wife and I to travel because of our child. So I see no harm in taking advantage of the fact that my company pays for five star hotels and luxury dining. It just so happens that Val is in these trips (not my fault). We have a lot in common, and just because my wife can’t travel should I not enjoy myself sometimes?
> 
> Back to the subject of friends- I do have one other friend who is a guy I’ve known 20 years. I see him once a month- but should we stop being friends too?
> ...


You can hide behind the Christian and bible all you want but you are still doing wrong. 

You should learn the Billy Graham rule. It would serve you better.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Having a Jesus bumper sticker on your car and reading the Bible doesn't make you a Christian any more than sleeping in your garage makes you a car. I know plenty of Christian men who most assuredly don't treat their wives the way you treat yours.

So you put the kibosh on your wife having a male friend because you deemed it inappropriate, but you feel your buddy Val is okay. 

Might want to reread chapter 23 of Matthew, where Jesus goes off on the pharisees for their hypocrisy. Seems hypocrites really engendered the wrath of Jesus. Just sayin' . .😉


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Yeah well I feel that my wife’s friend was flirty with her. He lives in Nevada and asked her to fly to Nevada to visit sometime and to go get coffee with him. He is nice looking and single. That’s when I put the stops on it. 

The difference is that Val is a colleague and we work together. We do different jobs on our team and it is necessary for our trips.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Anastasia6 said:


> You can hide behind the Christian and bible all you want but you are still doing wrong.
> 
> You should learn the Billy Graham rule. It would serve you better.


one does not need to be a Christian to benefit from the Billy Graham rule. It is the measure of any humble man who can admit his weaknesses despite his stature.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Ah yes, yet another "Christian" husband who mangles Ephesians 5:22-24.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bjones1969 I am not surprised that you are a Christian. Just because we are religious does not mean we are not capable of doing the wrong things, sometimes.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I was waiting for the religion spin...


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> This may come to everyone’s surprise based on your judgement of me, but I actually am a Christian who reads my Bible. I have a Jesus sticker on my car. I pray often. The problem is that I do not consider my friendship as being wrong. I never had a lot of friends, and it just happens that Val is a woman. My wife tells me that I am her best friend, but I need more than friendship with my wife.
> I don’t discriminate against Val just because she’s a woman. I have had some of the best times of my life with Val. She is fun and I enjoy travelling with her. It’s difficult for my wife and I to travel because of our child. So I see no harm in taking advantage of the fact that my company pays for five star hotels and luxury dining. It just so happens that Val is in these trips (not my fault). We have a lot in common, and just because my wife can’t travel should I not enjoy myself sometimes?
> 
> Back to the subject of friends- I do have one other friend who is a guy I’ve known 20 years. I see him once a month- but should we stop being friends too?
> ...


You might read your Bible but it's very apparent you're not comprehending any of it.

Also, I notice you're now calling your affair partner "Val". 

What sickens me is there's an innocent child who's about to have her world blown up and for what? Because her father places more importance on his work and his girlfriend.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> one does not need to be a Christian to benefit from the Billy Graham rule. It is the measure of any humble man who can admit his weaknesses despite his stature.


Billy Graham was a very very wise man. Clear boundaries with the opposite sex are so important.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> I was waiting for the religion spin...


Wow.
It so annoys me when people give Christianity a bad name in this way. We are Christians and NO WAY would we treat our spouses as the op treats his. NO WAY would we go or for meals or jaunts with someone of the opposite sex. NO WAY would we put a work colleague above each other or children. 

Op I recommend that you both go and talk to your pastor and his wife, or an older wiser married couple about this and get their input. You are not treating your wife as God wants you too. You are being very selfish and risking your marriage. You are putting your relationship with Valerie above your family. Do you honestly think you are loving your wife as Christ loves the church? That you are cherishing her?

Wise Christians like Billy Graham wouldn't spend time alone with others of the opposite sex. 

There is a good Christian book called, 'Hedges- loving your marriage enough to protect it.' It's written by Jerry B Jenkins. 
I recommend you swallow your pride and all your justifications and read it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> Ah yes, yet another "Christian" husband who mangles Ephesians 5:22-24.


The enemy loves nothing more than to destroy marriages, especially Christian ones.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> @Bjones1969 I am not surprised that you are a Christian. Just because we are religious does not mean we are not capable of doing the wrong things, sometimes.


Lets hope he realises that God is desperately trying to warn him of the dangers through all the answers he has had here.
It's not often that all those who reply to a poster all agree, this is one of those rare times. 

Sadly we can all see where this is is headed. It's a car crash waiting to happen.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> I have a Jesus sticker on my car.


 Lord, have mercy!

Your bases aren't covered, dude.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Lord, have mercy!
> 
> Your bases aren't covered, dude.


But we are still replying to this nonsense...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> But we are still replying to this nonsense...


We are trying to get through to him.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> But we are still replying to this nonsense...


Yes, *we* are. It's a slow morning.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Bjones1969 said:


> Yeah well I feel that my wife’s friend was flirty with her. He lives in Nevada and asked her to fly to Nevada to visit sometime and to go get coffee with him. He is nice looking and single. That’s when I put the stops on it.
> 
> The difference is that Val is a colleague and we work together. We do different jobs on our team and it is necessary for our trips.


So...you didn't want her meeting a male friend for coffee in Nevada but it is fine for you to meet a female friend, colleague and life-betterer for multiple meals and travel together? Do you not see your own hypocrisy?


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Val texted me last night and asked if I could go to Chicago for 1-2 nights this week. I told my wife who flipped out. She is asking if Val is going (I said no). I told her it’s my decision but I listened and told her I’d consider not going (not sure if I’m going to or not). 

I plan to get ready for work here in a bit and on the way in, I’m going to ride by some apartments. I am considering moving into one so I can live in peace. The wife is making my life he**. I can’t stand her constant harassing me about Val. We argued last night a lot. Apparently she’s tracking my phone and has seen some texts which she deems not appropriate- nothing sexual in it. Val happens to use lot of smiley faces and emoticons-which my wife says isn’t professional. I told her if she looks at my phone again, we’d have to split. It’s my phone. I got pissed and left the house. Turned off my ringer and ignored her calls for a few hours while I cooled off.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Val texted me last night and asked if I could go to Chicago for 1-2 nights this week. I told my wife who flipped out. She is asking if Val is going (I said no). I told her it’s my decision but I listened and told her I’d consider not going (not sure if I’m going to or not).
> 
> I plan to get ready for work here in a bit and on the way in, I’m going to ride by some apartments. I am considering moving into one so I can live in peace. The wife is making my life he**. I can’t stand her constant harassing me about Val. We argued last night a lot. Apparently she’s tracking my phone and has seen some texts which she deems not appropriate- nothing sexual in it. Val happens to use lot of smiley faces and emoticons-which my wife says isn’t professional. I told her if she looks at my phone again, we’d have to split. It’s my phone. I got pissed and left the house. Turned off my ringer and ignored her calls for a few hours while I cooled off.


A mentor to help professionally develop you would not use a lot of emoticons and smiley faces. It's unprofessional to do so. Whether there is anything sexual or not going on, your relationship with Valerie has transitioned way beyond boss/colleague. At minimum it's a close friendship, and that friendship is now excluding your wife and child.

Everything you are writing indicates, no matter what reason, that you are done with your marriage. Every person here is disagreeing that your wife is being overly jealous, this is not something for her to get over. 

If you are done, own that decision. Tell your wife, take the apartment, and I hope to god you find some way to not abandon your child also.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

And you claim to be following God, wow. 
You clearly care nothing for your daughter either. 
You clearly haven't taken in a single word that the many TAM members have said to you. You clearly are not listening to God either. 
Good luck with the car crash.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarmiteC said:


> A mentor to help professionally develop you would not use a lot of emoticons and smiley faces. It's unprofessional to do so. Whether there is anything sexual or not going on, your relationship with Valerie has transitioned way beyond boss/colleague. At minimum it's a close friendship, and that friendship is now excluding your wife and child.
> 
> Everything you are writing indicates, no matter what reason, that you are done with your marriage. Every person here is disagreeing that your wife is being overly jealous, this is not something for her to get over.
> 
> If you are done, own that decision. Tell your wife, take the apartment, and I hope to god you find some way to not abandon your child also.


He cares more about 'Val' than he does his own child. Than he does his wife and God.

That says it all really. As selfish and self centered as can be.You do realise the enemy has blinded your eyes I hope. 

Your wife is acting how any spouse would if their partner was acting as you are.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> So...you didn't want her meeting a male friend for coffee in Nevada but it is fine for you to meet a female friend, colleague and life-betterer for multiple meals and travel together? Do you not see your own hypocrisy?


A total hypocrite. 

Maybe she will get back in touch with her friend.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I told her if she looks at my phone again, we’d have to split. It’s my phone. I got pissed and left the house. Turned off my ringer and ignored her calls for a few hours while I cooled off.


Says every cheater ever. 

You are so garden variety cheater.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Bjones1969 said:


> Val texted me last night and asked if I could go to Chicago for 1-2 nights this week. I told my wife who flipped out. She is asking if Val is going (I said no). I told her it’s my decision but I listened and told her I’d consider not going (not sure if I’m going to or not).
> 
> I plan to get ready for work here in a bit and on the way in, I’m going to ride by some apartments. I am considering moving into one so I can live in peace. The wife is making my life he**. I can’t stand her constant harassing me about Val. We argued last night a lot. Apparently she’s tracking my phone and has seen some texts which she deems not appropriate- nothing sexual in it. Val happens to use lot of smiley faces and emoticons-which my wife says isn’t professional. I told her if she looks at my phone again, we’d have to split. It’s my phone. I got pissed and left the house. Turned off my ringer and ignored her calls for a few hours while I cooled off.


Thank god. Do it. Get your wife out of the hell of your marriage.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

I looked at an apartment which would set me back a good $3k per month with all the utilities. I’ve decided she can just leave. If she can’t stop harassing me then she knows where the door is. You have to have trust. I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t trust me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. She either can trust me or not.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Bjones1969 said:


> I looked at an apartment which would set me back a good $3k per month with all the utilities. I’ve decided she can just leave. If she can’t stop harassing me then she knows where the door is. You have to have trust. I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t trust me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. She either can trust me or not.


You're unreal. She'll be lucky to be rid of you.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


You sound incredibly shallow and your priorities are a mess.

You marry someone because you love them and want to spend your life with them, not because they help your career. You are cheating on your wife right now whether you realize it or not.

Honestly, this all sounds fake. No one could possibly be this naive.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> I looked at an apartment which would set me back a good $3k per month with all the utilities. I’ve decided she can just leave. If she can’t stop harassing me then she knows where the door is. You have to have trust. I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t trust me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. She either can trust me or not.


no doubt! I know I definitely wouldn’t trust you the way you’ve been acting.

well, I was wondering what was going to be the next trickle of information that you let us know about that made you look worse…. And you didn’t disappoint.

your wife is correct. You are definitely rolling a double standard here. You prevent your wife from having male friends all the while you DEFINITELY have a friendship with your boss outside of work. No question. In fact, it is such a good friendship that she has provided you some of the best times of your life.

soooooo….. why can’t a male friend provide your wife with some of the best times of her life? Fair is fair. 😂


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> I looked at an apartment which would set me back a good $3k per month with all the utilities. I’ve decided she can just leave. If she can’t stop harassing me then she knows where the door is. You have to have trust. I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t trust me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. She either can trust me or not.


Why should she leave? Its not her who is abandoning their spouse and child.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> You sound incredibly shallow and your priorities are a mess.
> 
> You marry someone because you love them and want to spend your life with them, not because they help your career. You are cheating on your wife right now whether you realize it or not.
> 
> Honestly, this all sounds fake. No one could possibly be this naive.


Or this clueless.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

Why do we see these things?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> I looked at an apartment which would set me back a good $3k per month with all the utilities. I’ve decided she can just leave. If she can’t stop harassing me then she knows where the door is. You have to have trust. I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t trust me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. She either can trust me or not.


But the way you are acting, you are not trustworthy. YOU should NOT BE DATING your boss. You are married with a special needs child. Why don't you focus your energy on your CHILD instead of you?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

hinterdir said:


> I tell you. The mods here are the touchiest ones I've ever experienced.


No they aren't, they put up with TONS of crap, and give plenty of warnings!

We have alot of posting freedom on here!!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Bjones1969 said:


> So, another big blowout with my wife tonight. I asked her if she wanted to work things out. She said she loves me and wants our family to stay together. I told her she would need to get some counseling for this uncontrollable jealousy. This isn’t the first time she’s been jealous. Right after we first got married she would get upset if I looked at another woman. I explained that is something I think is natural. We worked thru this issue, but it still bothers me and I feel worried she’s always watching to see if I’m looking at women.
> 
> Also, about 5 yrs ago when we were dealing with our child’s illness and not able to spend time nurturing the marriage, I admit I did some video chats on my phone. It was a huge issue for my wife (I do not consider that any more cheating than magazines because I don’t know the women i chatted with and won’t ever know them). We got over that too but I feel like she’s always thinking I’m doing stuff on my phone when I’m not.
> 
> So I feel my wife sort of pushed me into this freedom seeking attitude. I admit I seem cavalier and aloof, but I want a marriage with some breathing room. Im not a prisoner. My wife needs to realize she cannot keep me on a chain and it is normal to have opposite sex friends. Otherwise it seems like discrimination to me!


Well, good luck with your totally self-centered attitude. NO ONE puts up with the things you are doing and saying for very long.

Please come back in the not-too-distant future when your wife has reconnected with that other guy you told her to stop messaging, and decides he's 10x better than you because he likes her the way she is and makes her feel great about herself. 

I want to say "Good for Her".

You could also have her sign up on here and post to us...I have a few things I'd like to tell her...


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## Yoni (Feb 7, 2021)

Just leave her alone you don't belong with her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones
As you say you are a Christian can you tell me where God says we can abandon our spouses and children? Thst we can put another person first before our spouse and child?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


I suspect OP is gone by now, but... This is yet another disgusting story of someone with no morals and not a care for anyone except themselves. When I read: "I told Valerie I was tired of being held back by my wife and kid." it became obvious that you are a narcissistic POS. You are upset that your mentally disabled child is holding you back, how sad for you 

You have already been cheating on your wife, this is an emotional affair and your lovely Valerie is torpedoing your marriage. Your wife has every right to be pissed.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Keep biting...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He knows he is in the wrong, he just wants the justify his cheating.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> Since my time at my new job, I’d been talking to Valerie about my marital issues. I told Valerie I was tired of being held back by my wife and kid. I wanted to become a better version of myself.


I'll make a man out of you.

Conan has a three round man training course and I guarantee results.

If you're interested in becoming a man instead of something obviously so lacking as to not even come up to boy level, PM me. I'll make it happen if you're in the continental U.S.

If not, give your wife an amicable divorce so you stop taking up space an actual man could fill.

Also, get fixed.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> I'll make a man out of you.
> 
> Conan has a three round man training course and I guarantee results.
> 
> ...


Haha very funny.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.M. or nothing.😉


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

I wanted to give an update and ask for thoughts on what has gone on the past couple of days. I asked Valerie to go to lunch a couple of days ago but she said she was too busy with a new project we are working on (which is unusual for her). At the end of the day, she normally walks with me to our cars (we park together) but she left at 4:50pm and slipped out before I knew she left.

I have texted her and she will say hold on but never replies back. Then today, our regional manager announced Val was leaving the company. Her last day is next Wednesday. I’m not sure what is going on here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Can you answer my question about where the Bible says you can abandon your family? 

Have you spoken to your pastor yet?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> I wanted to give an update and ask for thoughts on what has gone on the past couple of days. I asked Valerie to go to lunch a couple of days ago but she said she was too busy with a new project we are working on (which is unusual for her). At the end of the day, she normally walks with me to our cars (we park together) but she left at 4:50pm and slipped out before I knew she left.
> 
> I have texted her and she will say hold on but never replies back. Then today, our regional manager announced Val was leaving the company. Her last day is next Wednesday. I’m not sure what is going on here.


Hopefully she has realised that things have got far too inappropriate. Maybe others in the company have said something, people aren't stupid, they knew what was happening.

As for you, God has given you another chance to actually be a good committed husband and dad. Hopefully you will take this opportunity and do some deep thinking and reflection on how badly you have acted.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> I wanted to give an update and ask for thoughts on what has gone on the past couple of days. I asked Valerie to go to lunch a couple of days ago but she said she was too busy with a new project we are working on (which is unusual for her). At the end of the day, she normally walks with me to our cars (we park together) but she left at 4:50pm and slipped out before I knew she left.
> 
> I have texted her and she will say hold on but never replies back. Then today, our regional manager announced Val was leaving the company. Her last day is next Wednesday. I’m not sure what is going on here.


Her bf probably realized you were sniffing around and made her choose between him and you. If you had any sense, you'd choose your marriage and work on yourself.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TXTrini said:


> Her bf probably realized you were sniffing around and made her choose between him and you. If you had any sense, you'd choose your marriage and work on yourself.


Yes, while she said he was ok with it she may not actually have told him.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> I wanted to give an update and ask for thoughts on what has gone on the past couple of days. I asked Valerie to go to lunch a couple of days ago but she said she was too busy with a new project we are working on (which is unusual for her). At the end of the day, she normally walks with me to our cars (we park together) but she left at 4:50pm and slipped out before I knew she left.
> 
> I have texted her and she will say hold on but never replies back. Then today, our regional manager announced Val was leaving the company. Her last day is next Wednesday. I’m not sure what is going on here.


I'm hoping she realized you were a loser that was more than willing to cheat on your wife with her and decided to get away from you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'm hoping she realized you were a loser that was more than willing to cheat on your wife with her and decided to get away from you.


Sadly I doubt her actions were that admirable.
The fact that her exit is so rapid probably means she was pushed.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Sadly I doubt her actions were that admirable.
> The fact that her exit is so rapid probably means she was pushed.


Pushed by who? We weren’t doing anything that I wouldn’t do with male friends. So what if she inspired me. Before her I had little motivation to further my career or learning. I was stuck sitting on my sofa watching tv (before I took that job) because I was in between jobs and nobody was hiring. 

Val took me under her wing and helped make me the man I am professionally- she was a great mentor. Now I always strive to learn and further my career. Like I’ve said before- my wife has a degree. She’s smart and could do the same. Yes she takes on the caregiver role for our child, but my wife could do more. She’s only earned one certification since college (Val has 6-7 of them).

When I read the Bible- one verse stands out at me- it’s better for me to live alone then with a quarrelsome wife. I told my wife that she makes my life hell and she does with her interrogations about other women.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Pushed by who? We weren’t doing anything that I wouldn’t do with male friends. So what if she inspired me. Before her I had little motivation to further my career or learning. I was stuck sitting on my sofa watching tv (before I took that job) because I was in between jobs and nobody was hiring.
> 
> Val took me under her wing and helped make me the man I am professionally- she was a great mentor. Now I always strive to learn and further my career. Like I’ve said before- my wife has a degree. She’s smart and could do the same. Yes she takes on the caregiver role for our child, but my wife could do more. She’s only earned one certification since college (Val has 6-7 of them).
> 
> When I read the Bible- one verse stands out at me- it’s better for me to live alone then with a quarrelsome wife. I told my wife that she makes my life hell and she does with her interrogations about other women.


You are a piece of work. Your wife has a college degree, is smart and the primary caregiver for your mentally disabled child, *but she could do more, she's only earned 1 certification?!?!? *And making up a certification competition between her and your wife? Again, what is wrong with you that you can't see how messed up that is? Also, consider this, was Val caring for a mentally disable daughter while she earned those certifications?

How is your wife quarrelsome? Is it because she didn't approved of you inappropriate relationship and infatuation with your "mentor"?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> Pushed by who? We weren’t doing anything that I wouldn’t do with male friends. So what if she inspired me. Before her I had little motivation to further my career or learning. I was stuck sitting on my sofa watching tv (before I took that job) because I was in between jobs and nobody was hiring.
> 
> Val took me under her wing and helped make me the man I am professionally- she was a great mentor. Now I always strive to learn and further my career. Like I’ve said before- my wife has a degree. She’s smart and could do the same. Yes she takes on the caregiver role for our child, but my wife could do more. She’s only earned one certification since college (Val has 6-7 of them).
> 
> When I read the Bible- one verse stands out at me- it’s better for me to live alone then with a quarrelsome wife. * I told my wife that she makes my life hell and she does with her interrogations about other women.*


You want your wife to turn a blind eye while you date coworkers. 

Think of what you're doing to her life. 

I hope your wife dumps her asshole husband and finds someone better.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> Pushed by who? We weren’t doing anything that I wouldn’t do with male friends. So what if she inspired me. Before her I had little motivation to further my career or learning. I was stuck sitting on my sofa watching tv (before I took that job) because I was in between jobs and nobody was hiring.
> 
> Val took me under her wing and helped make me the man I am professionally- she was a great mentor. Now I always strive to learn and further my career. Like I’ve said before- my wife has a degree. She’s smart and could do the same. Yes she takes on the caregiver role for our child, but my wife could do more. She’s only earned one certification since college (Val has 6-7 of them).
> 
> When I read the Bible- one verse stands out at me- it’s better for me to live alone then with a quarrelsome wife. I told my wife that she makes my life hell and she does with her interrogations about other women.


Except what male friends have you ever eaten lunch with like everyday. Walked them to their car. Waxed poetically about and decided to leave your wife for?

Val most likely is getting fired. Why who knows maybe they found your relationship inappropriate. More than likely it is something else entirely but when they leave quick and quiet without some big good bye lunch it's usually being fired.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Keep biting...


It's quite extraordinary.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> Pushed by who? We weren’t doing anything that I wouldn’t do with male friends. So what if she inspired me. Before her I had little motivation to further my career or learning. I was stuck sitting on my sofa watching tv (before I took that job) because I was in between jobs and nobody was hiring.
> 
> Val took me under her wing and helped make me the man I am professionally- she was a great mentor. Now I always strive to learn and further my career. Like I’ve said before- my wife has a degree. She’s smart and could do the same. Yes she takes on the caregiver role for our child, but my wife could do more. She’s only earned one certification since college (Val has 6-7 of them).
> 
> When I read the Bible- one verse stands out at me- it’s better for me to live alone then with a quarrelsome wife. I told my wife that she makes my life hell and she does with her interrogations about other women.


She is right to be suspicious, you were not being a decent husband. Any spouse would be unhappy with how you were acting. She doesn't trust you and it's clear why. So no, she isnt being quarrelsome, she is fighting for the marriage unlike you. 
She is being a great mum, she has to be when you clearly care so little about your child and would rather put someone else first. 

All if us here have said you are way out of order. Your bosses almost certainly believe the same. Or her partner has found out about the two of you and made sure she leaves.

Either way, you have been given another chance to do the right thing, if I were you I would take it because you will regret it if you don't.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> Pushed by who? We weren’t doing anything that I wouldn’t do with male friends. So what if she inspired me. Before her I had little motivation to further my career or learning. I was stuck sitting on my sofa watching tv (before I took that job) because I was in between jobs and nobody was hiring.
> 
> Val took me under her wing and helped make me the man I am professionally- she was a great mentor. Now I always strive to learn and further my career. Like I’ve said before- my wife has a degree. She’s smart and could do the same. Yes she takes on the caregiver role for our child, but my wife could do more. She’s only earned one certification since college (Val has 6-7 of them).
> 
> When I read the Bible- one verse stands out at me- it’s better for me to live alone then with a quarrelsome wife. I told my wife that she makes my life hell and she does with her interrogations about other women.


Listen, you spew all of this BS about how ambitious you are, and wanting to grow professionally etc etc etc. 

You think you're smart, but really you're a little boy who's CLUELESS on what really matters in life.

You sit here and compare your WIFE to some lady at work. It's VERY obvious you have NO IDEA who you are. You're a loss little child who's so insecure that your seek validation from others and in degrees and Labels and things that don't mean jack $h!t in life.

The most PATHETIC thing you've posted is comparing your wife to your emotional affair partner. Comparing how many degrees they have??? And that your wife should have more???

HELLO IDIOT YOUR WIFE IS TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILD!!!

She doesn't have the time to sit in a classroom to get "certifications" because she's doing something WAY more important.....raising her child and I say her child because it sure doesn't appear to be yours because in your pee brain mind what your wife is doing is wasting her time. I mean she's missing the mark because she doesn't have "6-7 certifications like Val"???

You put more value in a degree and certification than your own wife and child and you know what that makes you? A F'n LOSER!!!

I could go on but I've wasted enough time on you. Maybe your emotional affair partner hitting the eject button out of your life will wake you the F up but more than likely it won't.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

After our daughter went to bed earlier tonight, my wife jumped all over me. She has been tracking my phone and found out I was looking at apartments. She saw my location history which also showed the appt with the lawyer. She got pi$$ed off and called up my parents and my sister to tell them about me and Val. My sister agreed with my wife that it looks suspicious. My parents didn’t know what to think so I told them my wife is nutzo and she’s a jealous control freak when I’m just trying to do my job! My Dad even jokingly told my wife to give me some and this won’t happen. My wife didn’t take too kindly to this.

I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.

My wife received 3-4 hang up calls on her phone tonight. I’m wondering if it was Val or her husband. I did receive a text from Val tonight thru my IM app. She said she and I need to meet up to talk over the weekend and she would tell her husband she’s going to the grocery store. I will just start up a little argument with my wife so I can get out to meet up. I need to know why she’s leaving and how we can occasionally talk not to cause suspicion. 

My wife is threatening to take half of everything but once again I’m not leaving MY house. She’ll have to. I hope she doesn’t forget I’ll be coming for her secret stash of money she’s got in her PayPal acct from selling stuff online (she has $2k. That’s gonna be half mine if she’s trying to take my family land and assets.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Bjones1969 said:


> I can’t believe this


I'm not convinced either, yet don't let me stop you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> After our daughter went to bed earlier tonight, my wife jumped all over me. She has been tracking my phone and found out I was looking at apartments. She saw my location history which also showed the appt with the lawyer. She got pi$$ed off and called up my parents and my sister to tell them about me and Val. My sister agreed with my wife that it looks suspicious. My parents didn’t know what to think so I told them my wife is nutzo and she’s a jealous control freak when I’m just trying to do my job! My Dad even jokingly told my wife to give me some and this won’t happen. My wife didn’t take too kindly to this.
> 
> I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.
> 
> ...


You said Val wasn't married yet now she apparently is. That was a quick wedding.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Personal said:


> I'm not convinced either, yet don't let me stop you.


The story is getting a bit boring, though.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> You said Val wasn't married yet now she apparently is. That was a quick wedding.


Very quick!


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Bjones1969 said:


> After our daughter went to bed earlier tonight, my wife jumped all over me. She has been tracking my phone and found out I was looking at apartments. She saw my location history which also showed the appt with the lawyer. She got pi$$ed off and called up my parents and my sister to tell them about me and Val. My sister agreed with my wife that it looks suspicious. My parents didn’t know what to think so I told them my wife is nutzo and she’s a jealous control freak when I’m just trying to do my job! My Dad even jokingly told my wife to give me some and this won’t happen. My wife didn’t take too kindly to this.
> 
> I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.
> 
> ...


So may things about this post confirm the POS that you undoubtedly are. Painting your wife as nutzo, jealous, and control freak ...classic cheater move. Starting a fight just to leave the house and meet your girlfriend.....**** move. Wanting to take half of a paltry $2k out of spite is....petty.

You want to find a way to take your relationship with Val underground after she stops working with you?

Can you finally admit you are in an emotional affair with Val? 

Maybe her boyfriend, husband, whatever you decide he is, is the one who phoned HR, or gave her an ultimatum to leave her job. Either way, he would be justified in doing that, your wife is justified in being upset and exposing, and Val may have chosen her partner over you. 

I hope you end up with nothing other than half of $2k.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> So, another big blowout with my wife tonight. I asked her if she wanted to work things out. She said she loves me and wants our family to stay together. I told her she would need to get some counseling for this uncontrollable jealousy. This isn’t the first time she’s been jealous. Right after we first got married she would get upset if I looked at another woman. I explained that is something I think is natural. We worked thru this issue, but it still bothers me and I feel worried she’s always watching to see if I’m looking at women.
> 
> Also, about 5 yrs ago when we were dealing with our child’s illness and not able to spend time nurturing the marriage, I admit I did some video chats on my phone. It was a huge issue for my wife (I do not consider that any more cheating than magazines because I don’t know the women i chatted with and won’t ever know them). We got over that too but I feel like she’s always thinking I’m doing stuff on my phone when I’m not.
> 
> So I feel my wife sort of pushed me into this freedom seeking attitude. I admit I seem cavalier and aloof, but I want a marriage with some breathing room. Im not a prisoner. My wife needs to realize she cannot keep me on a chain and it is normal to have opposite sex friends. Otherwise it seems like discrimination to me!



Marriage is give and take. All you are doing is taking and never giving anything back. 

You are the problem in your marriage. Grow up and get counseling, find out what a healthy relationship is.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

She went NC with you and changed jobs.

That's classic behavior for someone who's life partner put their foot down. 

IMO her life partner believed she was cheating (or was about to). Your version of the facts don't really matter. Every partner has a right to feel safe. And your behaviors were both a big fail. 

Don't be surprised if she blames her partner and calls him crazy jealous. (Just like you label your wife).

Which also means she lied about him being ok with your 'dates' and trips.

You need therapy and you need to focus on rebuilding your wife's trust. Currently, you are abusing your wife (yes abusing her). At some point she will divorce you.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> After our daughter went to bed earlier tonight, my wife jumped all over me. She has been tracking my phone and found out I was looking at apartments. She saw my location history which also showed the appt with the lawyer. She got pi$$ed off and called up my parents and my sister to tell them about me and Val. My sister agreed with my wife that it looks suspicious. My parents didn’t know what to think so I told them my wife is nutzo and she’s a jealous control freak when I’m just trying to do my job! My Dad even jokingly told my wife to give me some and this won’t happen. My wife didn’t take too kindly to this.
> 
> I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.
> 
> ...


Well this gives me a little hope. You've now changed the story. First Val was living with her BF of 20 years. Now she is married. I can only hope that little slip means you've just been making all this up. If not you are truly among the scum of the earth. On the flipside, if this story is all true, then I applaud your wife and It would be awesome if she got your "mentor" fired. Hopefully your wife takes you to the cleaners so she can continue to take care of her child that you seem to have no care for.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Conan has a three round man training course…


What are you going to do after the first 5 seconds of round one file your nails?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> What are you going to do after the first 5 seconds of round one file your nails?


I wasn't going to put any weight into it until the third.😉


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Val calls Jim her “husband” because they’ve been together so long. They’re not offficually married. Val sent me an IM and told me we will grab lunch one day to discuss what went down.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> Val calls Jim her “husband” because they’ve been together so long. They’re not offficually married. Val sent me an IM and told me we will grab lunch one day to discuss what went down.


You care nothing for your wife, your child or God. 
God has given you a chance to put things right and start acting like a decent husband and father. So far you are ignoring Him. If you throw this all away you will regret it because you won't get another one. It's a warning. 

You should not be meeting up with her, you have ignored all that we have said and are heading for a big big fall. 

I am really glad Valerie has had to leave the job, she deserves it for being a home wrecker.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

You were dating Valerie. You have feelings for her you won’t admit to. And you stopped following your marriage vows months or even years ago.

it’s obvious Valeries partner figured this out and demanded she leave the job.

I feel sorry for your wife. You have absolutely no empathy for what you have put her thru. You vowed to Love Honor Cherish and Protect and have been doing none of those things.

You let this relationship go too far both in reality and in your mind and your heart.
I suggest you get the book “Not Just Friends” and read it cover to cover.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> After our daughter went to bed earlier tonight, my wife jumped all over me. She has been tracking my phone and found out I was looking at apartments. She saw my location history which also showed the appt with the lawyer. She got pi$$ed off and called up my parents and my sister to tell them about me and Val. My sister agreed with my wife that it looks suspicious. My parents didn’t know what to think so I told them my wife is nutzo and she’s a jealous control freak when I’m just trying to do my job! My Dad even jokingly told my wife to give me some and this won’t happen. My wife didn’t take too kindly to this.
> 
> I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.
> 
> ...


I don't think any judge would be interested in your wifes $2k savings account and having to share it with you. Their bigger concern is going to be the substantial alimony you will pay, the substantial child support you will pay and to make sure she gets her share of all the family assets. I hope she takes you for everything because she deserves it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> ...
> 
> *I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong*. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.
> 
> My wife received 3-4 hang up calls on her phone tonight. I’m wondering if it was Val or her husband. I did receive a text from Val tonight thru my IM app. She said she and I need to meet up to talk over the weekend and *she would tell her husband she’s going to the grocery store. I will just start up a little argument with my wife so I can get out to meet up. I need to know why she’s leaving and how we can occasionally talk not to cause suspicion. *


Do you really not see the contradictions in what you are saying? Your family thinks you did something wrong, because you are actively doing something wrong. If everything you were doing were all okay, then why are you and her lying to your spouses? And why don't you want to raise suspicion? Suspicion about what if aren't doing anything wrong?


I'll wager that the little meetup turns into sex. Any takers?


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

I think you've gotta be in the top 10 of the worst, scum sucking, troglodyte, cheating dogs I've read about on here. I hope like hell your wife finally sees you for what you truly are and laces up her b*_tch boots and kicks your disgusting, lying, disloyal, rotten a*_ to the curb and cleans your clock in divorce court, so your left with having to eat ramen noodles in a ****ty hovel apartment for the rest of your days because that's all you'll be able to afford after paying her alimony and child support.

And I hope your just dessert will be seeing her reconnect with her old classmate, or some other decent and loyal man and moving on and living a fabulous life with someone who loves her and treats her right and will be a great stepdad to your child, and husband to her. 

If you're lucky, maybe Val will take pity on that hangdog look you're gonna have and keep you on (as her secret sidepiece) because she's knows she can easily control and train you like the good puppy you are by tossing you a few ego kibbles now and then. Apparently you love those treats because you eat that s**t up then sit up and beg for more! Good boy!! Hope those bones she tosses you are worth it..


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

NorthernGuard said:


> I think you've gotta be in the top 10 of the worst, scum sucking, troglodyte, cheating dogs I've read about on here. I hope like hell your wife finally sees you for what you truly are and laces up her b*_tch boots and kicks your disgusting, lying, disloyal, rotten a*_ to the curb and cleans your clock in divorce court, so your left with having to eat ramen noodles in a ****ty hovel apartment for the rest of your days because that's all you'll be able to afford after paying her alimony and child support.
> 
> And I hope your just dessert will be seeing her reconnect with her old classmate, or some other decent and loyal man and moving on and living a fabulous life with someone who loves her and treats her right and will be a great stepdad to your child, and husband to her.
> 
> If you're lucky, maybe Val will take pity on that hangdog look you're gonna have and keep you on (as her secret sidepiece) because she's knows she can easily control and train you like the good puppy you are by tossing you a few ego kibbles now and then. Apparently you love those treats because you eat that s**t up then sit up and beg for more! Good boy!! Hope those bones she tosses you are worth it..


My wife can’t do crap. I’ve been keeping notes of her being jealous. All the he** she’s been putting me thru. She’s insecure and can’t handle the norms of society where coworkers can be friends. Val and her husband aren’t like this. They give each other space. When I found out how clingy my wife is by comparison- I’ve changed my outlook on life. I’ve set limits of what I will or will not tolerate. I will not be woken up in my sleep by my wife who looks at my phone and finds a text from Val that she deems is weird. My wife has been given these rules and if she wants to be with me that’s how it will be. We have been together a long time and I just thought this was normal but my wife won’t give me freedom to have friends. She wants to spend all her free time with me, but I want to experience life (hobbies, travel, etc). Just because she won’t get a sitter and travel should I be held back? She hates that I travel for work. We originally agreed to get jobs with no travel, so this job just started requiring more travel. I won’t be able to stop now especially if the company is paying. Val is leaving but I’m sure we will see each other at conferences, etc in the future and can hang out platonically.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Bjones1969 said:


> I looked at an apartment which would set me back a good $3k per month with all the utilities. I’ve decided she can just leave. If she can’t stop harassing me then she knows where the door is. You have to have trust. I don’t want to be married to someone who can’t trust me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. She either can trust me or not.


She probably TRUSTS you to not get this close to another woman.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Bjones1969 said:


> Then today, our regional manager announced Val was leaving the company. Her last day is next Wednesday.


Fantastic update! Glad to hear it.

Now we just need your long suffering wife to wake up and kick you to the kerb.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

Please point your wife to this forum so we can help her through these trying times.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Bjones1969 said:


> My wife is threatening to take half of everything but once again I’m not leaving MY house. She’ll have to. I hope she doesn’t forget I’ll be coming for her secret stash of money she’s got in her PayPal acct from selling stuff online (she has $2k. That’s gonna be half mine if she’s trying to take my family land and assets.


^^THIS^^ is hilarious! The courts don't care about her "fortune" of 2k. How old are you anyway - like 12???? Nope, Sorry, Delusional Slime Boy. Your wife will be the custodial parent. You will be paying child support. Your wife will get an equitable amount of your earnings and assets acquired during the course of the marriage if you live in an equity state. However, if you live in a community property state, it will be split 50/50, whether you like it or not.

The only things that aren't handled as marital property/assets are gifts and inheritances. So go ahead and leave her and be ready to pay. Yes, I think men often get the shaft in divorce settlements. But in your case, it will be richly deserved.



Bjones1969 said:


> My wife can’t do crap. I’ve been keeping notes of her being jealous. All the he** she’s been putting me thru.


OOOOOHHHHHHH ... and the judge and attorneys will be so scared when you show them your "notes." LOL!!!!! Seriously? The courts don't give a crap about jealous spouses, adulterous spouses, or anything else. They're overloaded with cases as it is.

People reading this .... if you don't find this absolutely hilarious, then I don't know what else to say. THIS is a perfect example of a delusional dilettante.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Bjones
> As you say you are a Christian can you tell me where God says we can abandon our spouses and children? Thst we can put another person first before our spouse and child?


I would never abandon children, but if your spouse has checked out all but in name, that's a different situation.


Prodigal said:


> ^^THIS^^ is hilarious! The courts don't care about her "fortune" of 2k. How old are you anyway - like 12???? Nope, Sorry, Delusional Slime Boy. Your wife will be the custodial parent. You will be paying child support. Your wife will get an equitable amount of your earnings and assets acquired during the course of the marriage if you live in an equity state. However, if you live in a community property state, it will be split 50/50, whether you like it or not.
> 
> The only things that aren't handled as marital property/assets are gifts and inheritances. So go ahead and leave her and be ready to pay. Yes, I think men often get the shaft in divorce settlements. But in your case, it will be richly deserved.
> 
> ...


she also may lay claim for alimony, since her willingness to stay home allowed him to work on increasing his ability to earn an income.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

jonty30 said:


> she also may lay claim for alimony,


Not unless the marriage is considered one of "longevity" which means it must be of 10 years length or more. Today's courts grant spousal support, which is given, as a rule, for half the duration of a marriage of less than 10 years.. However, in marriages of 20 years or more, the court will generally grant one spouse permanent spousal support for life. That occurs in both equity and community property states.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> Not unless the marriage is considered one of "longevity" which means it must be of 10 years length or more. Today's courts grant spousal support, which is given, as a rule, for half the duration of a marriage of less than 10 years.. However, in marriages of 20 years or more, the court will generally grant one spouse permanent spousal support for life. That occurs in both equity and community property states.


At least she will get something out of it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> I would never abandon children, but if your spouse has checked out all but in name, that's a different situation.
> 
> 
> she also may lay claim for alimony, since her willingness to stay home allowed him to work on increasing his ability to earn an income.


His wife hasn't checked out, it's he who acts badly by being in an emotional affair.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> His wife hasn't checked out, it's he who acts badly by being in an emotional affair.


I meant him, when I said checked out. He has mostly checked out, because he loves Val. 

He's a fool.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> ^^THIS^^ is hilarious! The courts don't care about her "fortune" of 2k. How old are you anyway - like 12???? Nope, Sorry, Delusional Slime Boy. Your wife will be the custodial parent. You will be paying child support. Your wife will get an equitable amount of your earnings and assets acquired during the course of the marriage if you live in an equity state. However, if you live in a community property state, it will be split 50/50, whether you like it or not.
> 
> The only things that aren't handled as marital property/assets are gifts and inheritances. So go ahead and leave her and be ready to pay. Yes, I think men often get the shaft in divorce settlements. But in your case, it will be richly deserved.
> 
> ...


It's hilarious in that a grown man is behaving like a 2 year old who can't get his way.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> I meant him, when I said checked out. He has mostly checked out, because he loves Val.
> 
> He's a fool.


Absolutely. I hope his wife sees sense.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bjones1969 said:


> My wife can’t do crap. I’ve been keeping notes of her being jealous. All the he** she’s been putting me thru. She’s insecure and can’t handle the norms of society where coworkers can be friends. Val and her husband aren’t like this. They give each other space. When I found out how clingy my wife is by comparison- I’ve changed my outlook on life. I’ve set limits of what I will or will not tolerate. I will not be woken up in my sleep by my wife who looks at my phone and finds a text from Val that she deems is weird. My wife has been given these rules and if she wants to be with me that’s how it will be. We have been together a long time and I just thought this was normal but my wife won’t give me freedom to have friends. She wants to spend all her free time with me, but I want to experience life (hobbies, travel, etc). Just because she won’t get a sitter and travel should I be held back? She hates that I travel for work. We originally agreed to get jobs with no travel, so this job just started requiring more travel. I won’t be able to stop now especially if the company is paying. Val is leaving but I’m sure we will see each other at conferences, etc in the future and can hang out platonically.


Val hasn't got a husband nor children, she has a live in boyfriend. Plus you have no idea what her partner thinks. He probably has no idea about her EA. 

Are you going to listen to God or not? He has given you this opportunity to do things right.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is interesting.... Should a wife be upset at this… | Talk About Marriage


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> This is interesting.... Should a wife be upset at this… | Talk About Marriage


Thank you for posting this, Ele. Coincidence? I like to think not.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> My wife can’t do crap. I’ve been keeping notes of her being jealous. All the he** she’s been putting me thru. She’s insecure and can’t handle the norms of society where coworkers can be friends. Val and her husband aren’t like this. They give each other space. When I found out how clingy my wife is by comparison- I’ve changed my outlook on life. I’ve set limits of what I will or will not tolerate. I will not be woken up in my sleep by my wife who looks at my phone and finds a text from Val that she deems is weird. My wife has been given these rules and if she wants to be with me that’s how it will be. We have been together a long time and I just thought this was normal but my wife won’t give me freedom to have friends. She wants to spend all her free time with me, but I want to experience life (hobbies, travel, etc). Just because she won’t get a sitter and travel should I be held back? She hates that I travel for work. We originally agreed to get jobs with no travel, so this job just started requiring more travel. I won’t be able to stop now especially if the company is paying. Val is leaving but I’m sure we will see each other at conferences, etc in the future and can hang out platonically.


You're delusional and so full of s**t your eyes must be brown! If you're so confidant in the righteousness of your position why don't you put your money where your mouth is and show this thread to your wife and invite her to join TAM so we can hear her perspective of your affair with Val. Yah, didn't think so. As the old saying goes: If you lay down with dogs you're gonna get fleas. Your wife needs to deflea herself. Go crawl on your belly back into the doghouse where you belong..


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Tonight, more arguing. I pulled in the driveway after taking a drive for an hour or so. My wife was pulling in the trash bins from the curb back up our driveway. I rolled down the window to speak to her and she ignored me (this is the childishness I put up with). Then she asked me where I had been. I had accidentally left my phone on airplane mode and didn’t see her call. She asked if I enjoyed my errands. This pissed me off because I know what she is implying and we discussed this. I told her that she needs to quit with the accusations if this is going to work out. I also told her we wouldn’t be having sex this weekend if she won’t stop arguing. It really annoys me. I’ve done nothing wrong. She has no proof of anything and this look is not good for her (makes her look crazy). Our daughter overheard our arguing and my wife is starting to tell her that I have a special relationship with Val. My daughter is too young to understand, and is being used as a pawn. I told her mommy is having some issues and needs some mental help. This seemed to stop her curiousity so she could get ready for bed. I was also getting ready for bed and my wife was banging on the walls. She was hanging up curtain rods in her spare room. She angrily said she’s tired of waiting on me to hang them. To be fair she only asked me twice and both times I was working. No patience whatsoever. Just a nag.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

^^^^ @Bjones1969 if you used paragraphs, you might generate even more apoplexy.


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## Bjones1969 (Oct 23, 2021)

Also forgot to mention my wife is recording me, storing our texts, keeping a journal of her own. Earlier today, she made me a cake for my elderly mother. I took the cake and visited Mother in the afternoon. After I left, I was driving back home. My wife called to see where I was (of course). She asked me how Mother liked the cake. I told her fine. She then quizzed me on how she liked the decorations on the cake and this and that. This was over the top level interrogation. I angrily said “did you stand on one leg when you cooked it???” because I was tired of the questions which im sure were to ensure I really went to my Mothers and not Vals. So my wife wrote this entry in her journal. Who knows why. Sheesh.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Also forgot to mention my wife is recording me, storing our texts, keeping a journal of her own. Earlier today, she made me a cake for my elderly mother. I took the cake and visited Mother in the afternoon. After I left, I was driving back home. My wife called to see where I was (of course). She asked me how Mother liked the cake. I told her fine. She then quizzed me on how she liked the decorations on the cake and this and that. This was over the top level interrogation. I angrily said “did you stand on one leg when you cooked it???” because I was tired of the questions which im sure were to ensure I really went to my Mothers and not Vals. So my wife wrote this entry in her journal. Who knows why. Sheesh.


Sounds to me like your clever wife is doing some of the textbook things one does when getting their ducks in a row and preparing to file for divorce from a cheating, lying, gaslighting spouse. Good for her! Hope she blindsides your a** with divorce papers and a shark of an attorney!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The bit where you said there would be no sex this weekend unless this stopped actually made me laugh. Childish or what 😅

Your wife doesn't trust you, not surprisingly, she has no reason to. 
Now you are telling your daughter her mum has mental problems? Wow, you are just dispicable. What a terrible husband and father you are. 

As I said before, unless you have a massive change of heart you are heading for a massive fall. Don't say you weren't warned. 

I hope your wife sees sense and ends this farce of a marriage and finds a good man who will treat her and the child with love and respect.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Bjones1969 said:


> My wife can’t do crap. I’ve been keeping notes of her being jealous. All the he** she’s been putting me thru. She’s insecure and can’t handle the norms of society where coworkers can be friends. Val and her husband aren’t like this. They give each other space. When I found out how clingy my wife is by comparison- I’ve changed my outlook on life. I’ve set limits of what I will or will not tolerate. I will not be woken up in my sleep by my wife who looks at my phone and finds a text from Val that she deems is weird. My wife has been given these rules and if she wants to be with me that’s how it will be. We have been together a long time and I just thought this was normal but my wife won’t give me freedom to have friends. She wants to spend all her free time with me, but I want to experience life (hobbies, travel, etc). Just because she won’t get a sitter and travel should I be held back? She hates that I travel for work. We originally agreed to get jobs with no travel, so this job just started requiring more travel. I won’t be able to stop now especially if the company is paying. Val is leaving but I’m sure we will see each other at conferences, etc in the future and can hang out platonically.


Yes, I'd divorce my wife if she took a job with travel. 
This lady should divorce you. 
You aren't a man. You're an entitled, selfish boy.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> No they aren't, they put up with TONS of crap, and give plenty of warnings!
> 
> We have alot of posting freedom on here!!


I don't know what you are talking about. 
I've been parts of LOTS of message boards.....LOTS.

This is the ONLY one I've been banned on. You'd think I go around cussing people out.....nothing of the sort....you get banned for everything. 

I post a lot on sports message boards.....trust me.....this is kid gloves and paper tissue walls and eggshells on this site.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I find it awfully odd that the OP *continually* ignores everything people are asking him or saying to him and instead, simply posts yet another 'entry' into the thread detailing his latest little drama.

Is this a diary or journal and he doesn't realize it requires interaction with other posters?

Or is he outlining in print how 'horrible' his wife is for legal purposes, perhaps?

Or is someone just bored? That's my guess due to this ridiculous statement to a mentally handicapped child, *"I told her mommy is having some issues and needs some mental help."*

Whatever it may be, I'm just going to sit back with my popcorn and watch the show.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

People keep biting... he keeps writing...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> People keep biting... he keeps writing...


I think he would post his nonsense regardless. He more or less ignores all the advise he is given.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> I think he would post his nonsense regardless. He more or less ignores all the advise he is given.


He is ignoring the advice, because that's not the reason he is posting...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> He is ignoring the advice, because that's not the reason he is posting...


I like to give posters the benefit of the doubt.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

Seems more like a school essay project.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

I have doubt about this story, tbh I don't believe it, I think @Bjones1969 is bored and having fun, he seems to enjoy the attention


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Kaliber said:


> I have doubt about this story, tbh I don't believe it, I think @Bjones1969 is bored and having fun, he seems to enjoy the attention


We seem to have a proliferation of that sort since a certain poster set up shop with her own freak show.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

TXTrini said:


> We seem to have a proliferation of that sort since a certain poster set up shop with her own freak show.


If you’re referring to @Cici1990, I think they’re quite different because while she clearly enjoys attention, I believe she also is sincere about wanting to not so much change but explore who she is vs what she can be.


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Been married to my wife 15 years. We have one daughter (with mental disability). Met my wife in college and married at age 30. My wife and I are not able to spend a lot of quality time together. My parents are elderly and demand a lot of my time. Our daughter keeps us busy as well. My wife runs an insurance business from home and I work for an accounting firm.
> 
> Speaking of my job, I started working there a year ago. My team lead, Valerie, is a woman, and I also work with a group of about 10 people both men and women.
> 
> ...


Fake story .


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not a dumb naive guy. I just want to succeed in life. My wife has done nothing to further her education or career. She just plays catch up every day instead of being ahead of the ball. Valerie is a go-getter. She’s the first one at work in the morning and she & I are the last ones to leave. We are dedicated to learning, higher education, our careers. We are so similar in this regard. I feel that my family has weighed me down from my true potential.
> 
> I never felt this way about my wife before- we used to have more in common. I guess being at work 40-50 hrs per week with influential people makes me want to be better.


Fake story


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Casual Observer said:


> indeed, Valerie has a plan, as any go-getter would. And that plan has no respect for long-term partnership or marriage. When she gets what she wants, she’s going to be working on her next move because staying with one guy hasn’t worked out for her in the past and why change that now? She’ll be one step ahead of you all the way.
> 
> I mean really, she even suggested a friend who’s apparently a divorce attorney for you to talk to?


Omgg you said ittttt mate !!! 100% agree I just wana add, this man is an absolute twat


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> I’m not having any affair. I didn’t cheat. Valerie is just a mentor and good influence on me. I used to work a mediocre job from home for years and it was uninspiring. I was pretty depressed with how my life was going. Plus my wife expected more out of me with
> housework and helping our child.
> 
> At my new job- I am finally free. I can go out with Val for a coffee if I want. We can go to lunch. We take walks during the day. I could do none of this whilst at home. Sometimes i feel bad for getting my s*** together since my wife doesn’t have a lot of time to better herself but I’m not sure she would anyway.
> ...


Fake story


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Excuse me but once again- no affair on my part. I pride myself in being a faithful husband. I’m doing nothing but trying to improve myself and there is nothing wrong with having friends at work while I do so. If Valerie was a man would you all be having issues with me then?
> 
> Valerie told me one night at dinner that her and her boyfriend have a non clingy relationship. He does his own thing and she does her own thing. He actually has a tendency to screw up their finances. During our dinner on our last trip, he pcalled her and they had a little argument on the cellphone. When they hung up, she told me he forgot to pay the mortgage on a rental house they own. Her boyfriend is like this- not responsible with money. Spends too much. Lucky for Val she has family money (parents are well off). That’s when we discussed issues I have with my wife as well. I don’t see a thing wrong with two friends supporting each other over a nice dinner and glass of wine (paid for by our company which is a plus). We work hard so we like to splurge.
> 
> So on our last trip, we were set to drive home on Friday morning. I told my wife we would be home in 4 hours. We ended up stopping by an outlet mall and shopping for a couple of hours. Then we stopped once more at a produce stand for some ice cream and produce. Of course my wife wouldn’t stop calling harassing me about when I’d be back. So I put my phone on airplane mode. This made my wife furious, and she started really harassing me about riding in the car with Valerie. It’s one thing after another and I’m tired of her jealousy.


wow the more I read the more I wana punch you fake


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> Hey I’m baaack and… I couldn’t be more sure I’m a dude. Nice story though.
> 
> I have to disagree about the wives not putting up with this behavior. Actually, the wives of my colleagues are ok with them going out after work for a drink with our team. They are pretty chill about it. My wife on the other hand not so much. Well- she was at first but then as her green eyed monster reared it’s ugly head, it was no more socializing at work unless I want to hear a rant. I didn’t get married to have a leash on my neck, and I’ve told her I’m not sure our marriage will work out.


 You sounds like a little child, starting to think your posts are all fake and made up


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Hopefully she has realised that things have got far too inappropriate. Maybe others in the company have said something, people aren't stupid, they knew what was happening.
> 
> As for you, God has given you another chance to actually be a good committed husband and dad. Hopefully you will take this opportunity and do some deep thinking and reflection on how badly you have acted.


Don’t waste your breath love , this man is playing withh us all, his messages don’t sound genuine. Think he just come here to mess us all around lol. I don’t believe his story. Lol


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

Bjones1969 said:


> After our daughter went to bed earlier tonight, my wife jumped all over me. She has been tracking my phone and found out I was looking at apartments. She saw my location history which also showed the appt with the lawyer. She got pi$$ed off and called up my parents and my sister to tell them about me and Val. My sister agreed with my wife that it looks suspicious. My parents didn’t know what to think so I told them my wife is nutzo and she’s a jealous control freak when I’m just trying to do my job! My Dad even jokingly told my wife to give me some and this won’t happen. My wife didn’t take too kindly to this.
> 
> I can’t believe this B had the nerve to tell my family and now they think I’m doing something wrong. My wife also saw where I was parking my car in other lots at work (different from the one I pay monthly for). Do you think my wife called HR? That would be shooting her own self in the foot I think But I don’t know. It’s strange Val left at the same time.
> 
> ...


It says 1969 on your username, you are not 52, you sound like your in your 20s, you can’t even put a sentence together lol. Uneducated fool


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Just want to point out to anybody who considers this story fake ... report it to the mods. FYI: I have reported this poster. I am sure it will be handled appropriately


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Well thankfully this OP is now banned. This just couldn't have been real.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Well thankfully this OP is now banned. This just couldn't have been real.


I don't want to blow my own trumpet  but I said it on page 2...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> I don't want to blow my own trumpet  but I said it on page 2...


Well, blow me down! So you did. And, on pages 6, 7 & 10.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> I don't want to blow my own trumpet  but I said it on page 2...


🎺


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, blow me down! So you did. And, on pages 6, 7 & 10.


Yes, I did... I don't know, it was just weird, also the fact he wasn't interested in the replies at all... just kept telling his silly story...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Yes, I did... I don't know, it was just weird, also the fact he wasn't interested in the replies at all... just kept telling his silly story...


To be fair we get other posters here who do the same thing.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> To be fair we get other posters here who do the same thing.


Not really like that, with no interactions whatsoever? He wasn't interested in other people's opinions and he made a few mistakes, like the fact that Val was married... you don't get this stuff wrong if it's real.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

His alter ego was also banned.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> His alter ego was also banned.


which was?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> which was?





EleGirl said:


> This is interesting.... Should a wife be upset at this… | Talk About Marriage


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I was following that, but he was clever enough to change some details... I guess if you want to be a proper troll...  but it turns out he wasn't clever enough...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In Absentia said:


> I was following that, but he was clever enough to change some details... I guess if you want to be a proper troll...  but it turns out he wasn't clever enough...


There weren't just these 2 accounts. Several were banned.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> If you’re referring to @Cici1990, I think they’re quite different because while she clearly enjoys attention, I believe she also is sincere about wanting to not so much change but explore who she is vs what she can be.


I can't say I'm convinced, but it's her life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This thread is now closed.


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