# need a pep talk



## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Well most of you know my story already if not heres a quick recap.
I'm 26 , wife 23, married 3 years been together 6, have two small children 4 & 19 months. Always had a good relationship, she told me how much she loved me all the time and wrote me messages (about how lucky she was and couldn't wait to spend many more years with me) this message came 2 weeks before she decided she didn't love me anymore lol. I didn't spend as much quality time with wife and kids as i should have. Anyway, everything seems good then all of a sudden she finds out shes preg., has a miscarriage a week later and then just totally changes, starts being mean and cold to me. Says she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work it out. We separate and i find out that the reason shes been so bitter to me was she was talking to this guy 4 houses over. She thinks she so in love with this guy and hes the greatest (usual fantasy affair stuff).

Anyway I don't think she knows i know as much as i do, but today is the big day, confrontation time.

I need a pep talk about laying down some boundries and telling her to lose this guy or else (i have my lawyer lined up for a meeting friday). I need to make her feel stupid about what she did, even if it doesn't get me anywhere with her. I want to make her know I made my mistakes and manned up but she is ruining our family.

ANY SUGGESTIONS. I know i need to be demanding and maybe in her face but i don't want to scare her to think i'm gonna hit her or anything.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Hold off and give her the lawyer docs when you confront.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Talk needs to be tonight. Finance company called me and said if they don't receive payment by friday they are going to start legal action against us (she hasn't been paying note, i didn't know). If she agrees to leave him alone or admit her mistake, i can save the house by barrowing so of the money from relative, but i'm not gonna save it if shes not remorseful or admit her wrongs and leave this guy alone. Shes a mother and a so called wife,, she needs to act like one and leave her fantasy world alone.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tigercat said:


> Well most of you know my story already if not heres a quick recap.
> I'm 26 , wife 23, married 3 years been together 6, have two small children 4 & 19 months. Always had a good relationship, she told me how much she loved me all the time and wrote me messages (about how lucky she was and couldn't wait to spend many more years with me) this message came 2 weeks before she decided she didn't love me anymore lol. I didn't spend as much quality time with wife and kids as i should have. Anyway, everything seems good then all of a sudden she finds out shes preg., has a miscarriage a week later and then just totally changes, starts being mean and cold to me. Says she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work it out. We separate and i find out that the reason shes been so bitter to me was she was talking to this guy 4 houses over. She thinks she so in love with this guy and hes the greatest (usual fantasy affair stuff).
> 
> Anyway I don't think she knows i know as much as i do, but today is the big day, confrontation time.
> ...


The baby may not have been yours.

I have no idea why anyone would separate and not divorce. Seems like just an open marriage for someone.

I would not have moved out. That is called isolation. meaning her 

I am not sure what the or else is. You already left. She wants this other guy.

Boundaries. Total NC with this guy and for that matter no close male friends period. She can't deal with it. 

I would move the family away from this guy.

There is no point in saying you made any mistakes other than not standing up for yourself sooner. Stop blaming yourself. She owns her affair. Putting blame on yourself does not make you appear any more attractive to her. This was probably going on much longer than you realize. Again, the baby may not have been yours.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The lost kid may not have been yours. 

Have her parents or family present when you confront her, but do not get your hopes up. She has left the marriage, and isn't going to admit her cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

Wow, I thought you already confronted your W. I must have misread your posts before. Well, keep your composure and tell her that you know about the affair, and present the evidences. If your evidence is weak, she will deny, deny, and deny. 

So, make sure you get your paperwork in order before confronting her. Also, keep your mind detached and open to all the possibilities of how she may react. Anywhere from tearful apology to admission of her loving him to having slept with him to demanding D to even physically attacking you for no reason.

Keep your calm. Pray before confronting her. I will keep you in my pray.


----------

