# Normal 13yr old girl?



## IamWoman (Mar 31, 2010)

Is it normal for a 13 year old to not be able clean the dishes properly? Even when she has been given many instructional sessions?

Is it normal for her to not have developed virtually any deductive reasoning skills?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It's normal for teens to 'tune out' instructions from parents....maybe that is what is happening here...especially if she is being yelled at....she may just be going through the motions to get the chore over with and not really paying attention to what she's doing.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

My 12 year old can't either  - when we point something she missed we get "that wasn't there when i put it up"...I guess the dirty dish fairies are visiting me again....I need to spray for those.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, it is not normal. 

It IS evidence of her refusal to accept your ability to 'command' her to do chores. My best friend in high school had a mother who had been married 7 times. My friend's younger sister intentionally did a CRAPPY job on the dishes, because she KNEW that their mother was too intent on her husband of the year, and that the mother would just tell my friend, the older daughter, to take over the younger daughter's chores, in addition to her own.

If you want your daughter to do chores, find out what motivates her. And if she doesn't have a 'fear of god' from you so that she feels she has to listen to you...time to learn it.

Back to the original question. How to get her to do a GOOD job? Make her continue to do it, over and over again, as many times as it takes her to get it right.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

What vastly improved my child's dish washing ability is when I had finally had enough of the half-*ss approach. I told her the next time I find a dish with stuff on it she was going to wash every dish in my kitchen - including the clean one's in the cabinets that I hadn't used in a long time. Well - the dishes were half-*ssed yet again and so she had to wash every single dish in the house - took her 3 days of after school between homework and bed but she did it and I haven't had any real problems since.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Common ailment in adolescents, it's called halfasseditis. Can spill over into schoolwork. Our kids all suffered this affliction in their early teens. The remedy is repeat the chore until its done right. With persistence they grow out of it.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

TNgirl232 said:


> What vastly improved my child's dish washing ability is when I had finally had enough of the half-*ss approach. I told her the next time I find a dish with stuff on it she was going to wash every dish in my kitchen - including the clean one's in the cabinets that I hadn't used in a long time. Well - the dishes were half-*ssed yet again and so she had to wash every single dish in the house - took her 3 days of after school between homework and bed but she did it and I haven't had any real problems since.


That may be the single best piece of advice I've read since I started looking around on this website!!!

:smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:iagree: That is freakin' awesome. 

My daughter isn't a problem but my son can be. I use a similar approach but usually link it to his being able to continue playing his computer games. That provides incentive. 

Don't yell or nag. Just state what you want done before you want it done. "By 3pm I would like you to do the dishes". Then if it isn't done you say "If I don't see you getting up and doing those dishes I'm pulling the plug on the computer" (or taking away the phone, Ipod, whatever). If it isn't done right then it has to be done again. State exactly what it is you expect. Try to be specific. 

You could try doing the dishes with her and showing her exactly how you want them done too.


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