# Question



## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

I already posted this in the General relationship section but no one has answered yet...I want some opinions please...

Situation:

Husband left Wife of 2 years for the ex girlfriend that he cared about before the wife. Wife left him in order for him to go and explore his feelings and move on. Wife and Husband had a "happy" relationship and were very comfortable with each other but the Husband wanted to see if there were better things out there, specially with his ex (who is giving him a chance).

Question:

How many of you think that when a husband leaves a "happy" relationship for an ex, or another woman, he will want to go back to Wife. and if he does go back to Wife, how long do you think it would take?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Wow. I would suggest that no one should be waiting for such a guy. They should move on with their life and not be Plan B.

There are some marriage counselors who suggest people wait upwards of 18 months for the affair to run its course. I think this is absurd.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> I already posted this in the General relationship section but no one has answered yet...I want some opinions please...
> 
> Situation:
> 
> ...


I think entropy answered your timeline question. 

Dr. Joyce brothers wrote a book about 40 years ago that claimed among her large clientele and based on questionaires sent to other psychiatrists, men who leave a happy marriage for an affair or to get some space, usually want to come back to their old wife and life in about two years. 

There are exceptions of course, but it seems to be par for the course if the marriage was happy and the man just wanted the excitement of a new relationship. 

What happens is the sexual thrill of the new romance wears off in two years and the man starts to see the new woman for who she is. 

A woman who would even consider dating a married man or taking one who left his wife for her, has to be a bit dim and somewhat unstable in some respect as well as narcissistic

I agree with entropy, run from this guy. He is selfish, self absorbed and is putting his feelings and thrill before everything else. 

Let this fish off the hook, permanently and cast your line in cleaner waters.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Dear God, why would you want him? Would you want to live in a constant bidding war -- insecure in the knowledge that all it takes for him to "explore" and abandon you is his purported "happiness"?!

UhOH, the Happiness Indicator is low today.... better up my game to keep him!

How would you ever feel safe with such a person? 

Because look, for him to come back from the ex-girlfriend, he'd have to do the SAME TO HER. Hey, I'm not "happy" -- I want bolt back to my wife. 

If he's gone for good -- let him go. If he's giving you some sort of hope, some indication that all is not well with the ex (and current) GF? LET HIM GO -- he is a cake eater! 

He is not a prize. And I would truly question if you were happy with him, or if he wasn't dazzling you with some fake, projection of himself. Because the real him walked out on you to go "explore" things with another woman.

And you appear to be allowing this? And haven't divorced him?

I know it hurts, but value yourself more than to be his fall back plan.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

The answer to both questions, WHO CARES! Such a jack ass doesn't deserve a second thought, nevermind a second chance!


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Most affairs end 6 months to 2 years.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

the funny thing is that I had already given him a second chance because he chose me over her. Then on his birthday he woke up with a horrible mood and when I asked him what was wrong, he plainly said "the thing that I wanna do the most I cant do it because Im tied down"...I immediately told him that it was time for a divorce. I moved out that same day and immediately initiated the NC rule. I don't want this guy back but it hurts so much after what I thought was a great relationship.

My reasons for the break up...simply that I was no ones second option and that I can do way better than him.

By a "happy" marriage I mean comfortable yes because I was indeed unhappy. I knew that he wasnt the person that I wanted to spend my whole life with but I do love him.

By the way, he KNEW that if he did it a second time, it was over for him and I. He knows that I will never go back no matter how hard he tried, that when I said enough, it was enough. So he knows he doesnt have me as an option at all.

She's an ex because as he told me, he used to always play her and he never tried to make it work so now he wants to make it work. idiot I tell you.

And ladies and gents...you couldnt have said it better. I'm hurting though because what if they really do try it and it works out...urgh i will be devastated to know that they were each others "ones"...makes me sick.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Don't wait for a man (or a woman). Move on with your life. Concentrate on yourself, and be happy. 

If a man leaves his family for the AP (his ex in this case), I think its grounds for an automatic file of divorce. He is showing no remorse being with her. If a woman takes him back, I would think that she would soon start to doubt his sincerity. 

So, my advice. Concentrate on yourself. Pick up hobbies that you haven't tried in awhile. Improve yourself so you have even more to bring to the next relationship. Do not take him back. You wouldn't be able to be sure that he would stay since he already left once.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> I already posted this in the General relationship section but no one has answered yet...I want some opinions please...
> 
> Situation:
> 
> ...


Answer :
He.l to the naw!  A married man should not be keeping up with the location of his ex gf anyway. It sound like he has kept the friendship with his ex. Nor should a married woman. You get married and it should be limitations. Why would you want to be his second choice :scratchhead: . He married you and you're suppose to be the first and only choice. That ex gf is a nasty h.e for getting with a married man. You don't give him a pass to cheat on you . The ex gf must have low self esteem or she just nasty . So he and his ex might not work out. She is his ex gf for a reason. Yall could not have been that happy . The husband wants to cheat on you. You can do better. Don't let him make you his doormat. He having his cake and eatting it too. You need to let her have him period... Don't give him a pass let him have the divorce and you move on. You are to special to be waiting on a dog.

IMHO ..When married if you walk out you stay out!!!!!


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

Well Done Mrsgarcia for not letting him make you his second choice. Look after yourself, and move on. There are plenty of good men out there.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> I already posted this in the General relationship section but no one has answered yet...I want some opinions please...
> 
> Situation:
> 
> ...


If my husband ever left to explore his feelings with another woman....that would be it. I am not willing to be a second choice. I would never be able to stop thinking that I was not enough. It is hard enough to move beyond the affair after him chosing me. I doubt I would have been able to handle him chosing her.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

In case you are wondering, cheaters have a *3 in 100* chance of staying together in a long term relationship. So it looks like the odds are that he would want to come back. I hope he doesn't know where you are or what your number is by then.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Is what you are describing a healthy relationship?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

I kept the same phone number and Im in the process of getting a new place.  ALL by myself. 

I know I wasnt in a healthy relationship. He had too many bad flaws such as his horrible temper and lack of communication. But I know i'll get over it, theres too many people in the world to be obsessing about one that did ME wrong.

To be honest, I dont care if they stay together or not because regardless, I will never take him back. And I mean NEVER! The love that I had for him he destroyed it completely and all I have for him is a terrible bitterness that I hope goes away soon.


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