# Wife falling asleep during sex



## mic1708 (Dec 19, 2007)

Hi,
I need some advice. I don’t know whether this is my fault or both my wife and myself. We have been married for 12 years now, have three beautiful children and even talking about having a fourth. We have everything that we need in life and from the outside looking in everything looks perfect. 
My problem is sex, or my wife’s lack of interest in it to be exact .From my point of view everything else in life seems to come before getting intimate. There is no problem when we are making love but it’s getting there that is actually the problem. 
At weekends when the kids go to bed or in the evenings we will sit down and maybe watch TV for a while, but in no time at all she will be asleep on the couch. Every now and again she will wake up and say something but will soon go back to sleep. This will go on until I say “Let’s go to bed”, she will then wake up. I will go to bed but she will stay on. I don’t know if she goes back to sleep or if she now starts to watch TV. She will then come to bed about 0.5/1 hr later. As soon as her head hits the pillow she is asleep again. When I try to initiate sex, she is lifeless and just lies there asleep unless I persist for a long time. I could be rubbing her breasts or giving her oral and next thing she will fall asleep. I will feel very demined, have lost interest at this stage and will usually turn over and give up. She will then wake up get into the swing of things and everything is fine from thereon in. As I say when we get going we are fine, we have experimented and used toys etc, but it’s getting to this point that is the problem. Sometimes when she doesn’t wake up I will masturbate beside her but it just isn’t the same.This is not a new thing as it also used to happen before we got married. We have had several rows about this but only after I get mad after her falling asleep.
I have tried setting the mood with candles, romantic dinners, baths and even candlelit massages. These will work fine, but only the once, after that it’s back to normal. Should I need to set the mood every time I want to make love or should I be asking her in advance to make love that night in order to prevent this from happening?

Now I am no fool, I realise that my wife works hard at her job as well as looking after the house, preparing dinners, looking after the kids etc. I help her with all of the above as we probably split the chores 45/55. (She will admit this herself). I know that it is hard to keep all the balls in the air, I am under just as much pressure as I have a day job and also run my own business from the house in the evenings. I feel that our relationship is being left to the last and will suffer in the long run. I don’t want this problem to fester and get out of proportion and lead to worse things.

Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Some people need more sleep then other and comparing your needs to your wife isn't fair to her.

If the one shots work why not do them every time? Maybe that is what she lacks or wants from the marriage.

Communicate your concerns to her and see where she is at.

draconis


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## Jewel (Nov 5, 2007)

I think you need to talk to her, let her know that you have concerns. It's really not her fault, and not up to you to get mad at her, if you have not voiced what you want from her.


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I am a women that is going through this. I do the same thing as your wife. I don't fall asleep but it is like this big white elephant in the room at times. I can tell you want helps me is when my husband doesn't pressure me and actually when he brings it up it actually helps. I know it sounds weird but we then are not sitting their wondering if we are going to have it.


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## Tag (Dec 1, 2007)

I think you should just give her a hint or leave a note (just for her) that tonight you'll be having it. Inform her in advance. Maybe she's too tired to wait & see if you want to have it or not. If she's sure you do, she probably will wait.


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

Sleep is a precious thing to those of housewifes that do not seem to get enough of it. I agree with Tag, try setting up something special and let her know you "want" her. Maybe this way she can look forward to it and enjoy it more....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You can also try in the shower or standing in the bedroom, much harder to fall asleep that way.

draconis


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## mic1708 (Dec 19, 2007)

Thank you for all your replies, I really appreciate all your advice and it has given me a new way of thinking from another person’s point of view.


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## Liza (Jan 2, 2008)

You could also try dating her again, bring her chocolate, sweets, cards, whatever it is she loved during your courtship, treat her well from in the morning. I think these will help.


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## greenbaglady (Dec 11, 2007)

if you think that sex is on your mind one night could you maybe make her a cup of coffee that night or if she likes a little wine or mixed drink (my husband when he gives me the hint hes in the mood will hand me a high ball glass of jagermiester and pepsi  lol ) 
maybe that little *spike* will give her just enough energy to stay *UP* with you 
i know some people are against "planning" sex but maybe you could wait til friday night or saturday night when she has time to relax a little more during the day so she'll be up at night.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Hey I find nothing wrong with planning sex infact we often have too. The wife works and goes to college, I own my own store. We have four kids and they are never at a sitters, we take care of them. So needless to say time is a factor. Sometimes planning is the only way to get things done.

draconis


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

I'm going to have some of the same opinions as tater. If you're pressuring her into sex then she's just not going to be into it. Here's something you might want to try, instead of getting around to sex just b4 bedtime, why not plan it ahead? Try it a few hours b4 you're both ready to hit the sack. Or have you ever heard of 'afternoon delight'? The change of timing might be the shake-up you both need.


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## stav (Feb 5, 2008)

With everything the two of you have to contend with, I'm amazed you found the time!

If your wife is not a night person, why not try early in the morning before you both get up for the morning routine? Have an afternoon off, when the kids are at school and surprise her.


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

Don't try having sex standing up, she will be worried about falling down, waking the kids, and won't enjoy it.

I know that if I had 3 kids and another pregnancy was possible, I wouldn't have too much sex drive. Being already tired and remembering pregnancy, giving birth, and infants would push sex WAAAYY down the list of priorities!

LOL


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Try waking up a litle early that maybe the ticket as someone else suggested.

draconis


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## sheepdog98 (Oct 19, 2008)

I think you have been given some good possible solutions, such as scheduling, getting up early, etc, and maybe those will work out for you. But if she's already tired and falling asleep its going to be very difficult to get up early; and with your busy homelife, work, etc scheduling is going to be a problem as well. I'm going to be a naysayer here and maybe cause a problem. I once had a girlfriend and I experienced the same problem, we both worked, but there were no kids, thus not exactly the same as yours. WE broke up over this issue - she claimed that she just needed more sleep than I did. What you described as saying let's go to bed and then she stays up for another half hour to hour would probably be enough time to have a nice romp in the hay and then fall asleep. Now I don't know your situation exactly, but from my interpretation of what you described, I think your wife's behavior is just "rude and inconsiderate" I use those words specifically because they are take from another "women's" blog, and that was the overwhelming sentiment when a guy fell asleep after getting the woman started, i.e. the shoe was on the other foot.


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

Stick it in the other end. She'll wake up!


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## sleepywife (Feb 28, 2010)

here we go again i started writing but don't know if posted because what I wrote disappeared.

I am a wife who sometimes "falls asleep during sex". I don't know why it happens or how. Lately it had not happened and all of a sudden today I walk upstairs find masterbating so i join in to have sex with my partner. while i am doing oral on them or actively participating in i seemed fine, wasn't even sleepy, then we began to use a toy on my other half and bam i fell asleep. that is not the case all the time. however, now my partner is mad once more and thinks I have no passion for them that I can fall asleep during sex.
all i hear is "no body falls asleep during sex"!!! now i see that some people do. however, what do i do to resolve this.
I don't want my marriage or my partner to suffer because of whats happening to me....someone please help.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

well if the sex is not boring you perhaps you might have some sort of sleep disorder?


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## frustratedhubby2010 (May 24, 2010)

My wife falls asleep during sex. We will be hard at it and she will be fast asleep and snoring. It has been occurring more frequently in the last three years and I am at the end of my rope. I have started considering divorce but I can't leave my kids. I have spoken to my wife and she has no idea what to do about it. She does not work and we have two kids (10 and 6). I find it hard to deal with since all she has to do is adjust her schedule or cancel some volunteer things. 

Any advise from anyone would be greatly appreciated.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

We agree around dinner time whether or not we are connecting that night. She can nap, do anything she wants as long as sometime between 10 pm and midnight she is awake and ready to play. 

And of course she is also allowed to decline, but we do have a house rule and she is good about it. If I ask and she wants the night off she can either say yes, or say lets connect tomorrow night - and the next night she follows through. 

If you conceive a 4th child before resolving this - you are just going to make the whole thing worse. And by doing that, you are also signalling to her that you really are ok with the situation.








mic1708 said:


> Hi,
> I need some advice. I don’t know whether this is my fault or both my wife and myself. We have been married for 12 years now, have three beautiful children and even talking about having a fourth. We have everything that we need in life and from the outside looking in everything looks perfect.
> My problem is sex, or my wife’s lack of interest in it to be exact .From my point of view everything else in life seems to come before getting intimate. There is no problem when we are making love but it’s getting there that is actually the problem.
> At weekends when the kids go to bed or in the evenings we will sit down and maybe watch TV for a while, but in no time at all she will be asleep on the couch. Every now and again she will wake up and say something but will soon go back to sleep. This will go on until I say “Let’s go to bed”, she will then wake up. I will go to bed but she will stay on. I don’t know if she goes back to sleep or if she now starts to watch TV. She will then come to bed about 0.5/1 hr later. As soon as her head hits the pillow she is asleep again. When I try to initiate sex, she is lifeless and just lies there asleep unless I persist for a long time. I could be rubbing her breasts or giving her oral and next thing she will fall asleep. I will feel very demined, have lost interest at this stage and will usually turn over and give up. She will then wake up get into the swing of things and everything is fine from thereon in. As I say when we get going we are fine, we have experimented and used toys etc, but it’s getting to this point that is the problem. Sometimes when she doesn’t wake up I will masturbate beside her but it just isn’t the same.This is not a new thing as it also used to happen before we got married. We have had several rows about this but only after I get mad after her falling asleep.
> ...


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

She very well may have a sleep disorder and may want to get checked out. If this was happening before kids and marriage it's possible there are medical issues. Or she just could be really tired and be one of those people that require more sleep. 

You have a couple of options. First as others have suggested, try a different time of day. Obviously she's exhausted at the end of the day so maybe you have to commit to having sex another time. Try the morning if she's a morning person or find a way to get it in during the day, right after work if needed. There are ways and times. But a lot of it depends on her willingness. Why don't you ask her straight out that since the evenings seem to be a bad time and she's overly tired what time would she propose having sex where she wouldn't be falling asleep. since you've been together 12 years I expect you've had sex in the middle of the day here and there. How do those experiences compare to the evening encounters?

Obviously this isn't ideal for you but I will say at least she hasn't just cut you off. If my wife was that tired she wouldn't let me touch her sexually, it just wouldn't happen.

And if you have a 4th child this will get worse, not better.


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## prodetailer (Sep 23, 2010)

:scratchhead:

I have been married for 19 years and with my wife for 24 years. I love her, she loves me. When we have sex it is off the chain! But during the last few months she has beenfalling asleep while I am trying to initiate sex or even worst when I am giving her oral. For me it is psychologically devasting! Yesterday we went to a show, dinner afterwards, got our juices flowing and we get in the bed and her head hits the pillow and 1 minute later she is snoring. I got up got dressed and walked out. She awoke and said she does not know why she does this. I think this will ultimately do in our marriage. As a man I can't take the embarrassment of her falling asleep right before or during sex. I would rather she have an affair and then come home and give it to me good then to literally fall asleep in my face. Frustrated in Georgia.


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## frustratedhubby2010 (May 24, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frustratedhubby2010 (May 24, 2010)

Dude. That is totally me. She has fallen asleep during intercourse. It.has driven me into affairs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

LOL 

Take a vocation and see what happens?


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

My H won't have sex when he is really tired. He just needs sleep, so his busy work schedule does leave less time for sex than I'd like. I notice he does want more sex when he is rested. 

But I notice no matter how tired he is, if I get him going, he will wake up and want to get something going. However, there is less energy in it, less creativity, less hardness to the erection, etc, so I really prefer him when well rested.

I try to get him in the middle of the day, esp on the weekend.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I've fallen asleep during sex many times. It is quite embarrassing, but what can you do? lol. Just wake her up and keep going. She might be a little embarrassed but these things happen.  If you are tired and lying down, these things happen!


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Falling asleep is preventable, but it will take preparation on your part.

Make sure you are communicating your interest during the intercourse, let your woman know by your sounds and activity how much you are desiring her and how incredible is the act of being physical with her. Yes, be loud and primal, do not need to behave gentlemanly.

Put her on the top, give her something to do to keep busy for you.

In a few hours beforehand, get her caffeine in her system. Avoid much alcohol. A little alcohol is common for many couples but beware as this is depresant and will induce sleep and decrease performance (for both of you).

In the broad sense, you need to make this exciting and exploratory for both of you. 

As I am one to abhor "planning for sex", in contrast I am all for planning for intimacy. 

Make sure not just the sex act is going on, but for example, get each other naked and touch and massage each other, and even share secrets during this time. In this way, sex is not just about sex, but about connecting. Make sure she is getting her fulfillment in areas of emotion and touch and inquiry and even contentment in silence just being together. 

Explore these ways to find out what can keep both your interest in the intimate time, and you may find for both of you are looking forward to turning off the tv and internet and all these others things to make this evening time before bed the highlight of your day. 

I wish you well.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"As soon as her head hits the pillow she is asleep again. When I try to initiate sex, she is lifeless and just lies there asleep unless I persist for a long time. I could be rubbing her breasts or giving her oral and next thing she will fall asleep."

Your wife falls asleep on the couch, falls asleep as soon as she hits the pillow, and you believe that's a great time to have sex with her?
She's obviously exhausted. She's lying there motionless, but you're rubbing her breast and going down on her? All this and then you're surprised that she falls asleep during it? Maybe I'm just reading your post wrong, but this sounds a little creepy to me. You feel "demined" because a person who is obviously exhausted, unresponsive and has shown no interest in sex doesn't respond when you perform sex acts on them? Do you think maybe she feels a little demeaned, too? If she were unresponsive due to intoxication or illness rather than just fatigue, the conduct you described would be legally considered rape in many states.


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## aisgill (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi, am new here and dont really know where to write this post. 
I am a lesbian and am in a very serious loving relationship with my girlfriend of 10 months, everything is going great expect for the fact she tends to fall asleep while we are making love,:sleeping: does anybody have any ideas for me on how to prevent this? :scratchhead:


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## aisgill (Mar 19, 2012)

Thanks Ladyfrog, I realised it when i had posted it


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