# In- law issues...would like some feedback



## paul1 (Oct 22, 2010)

Ive been married for 7 years and we have an issue that is becoming a problem for me that I cant talk about with my wife.
my wife is a twin, her sister is still single. My wife does not seem to be able to live without almost daily contact with her sister. she tralks about her all the time, has intensive hobbies that she shares in common with her, and most of a problem to our marriage, will not consider any path in our life that will separate her from her sister.
I feel like im married to two women and I have a lot of resentment built up in me. I think my wife senses it but only wants the status quo to remain.
its like she wants her life to carry on the same as when she was single-her and her sister making plans and whatever and my dreams for the future are in the garbage. three is a crowd!
I feel like im the third wheel in my own marriage!
If I try to address the issue or talk about my dreams for the future(they dont include her sister)she gets very defensive and says she wont leave her sister.
I feel like ive been condemned to a life of babysitting her unmarried twin sister.did I get married for this? we dont have children and wont have any. we are free except I feel that my life now is what it will be in 20 years....
yes I know I need to talk it through with her. Im made to feel like the bad guy whenever I try.


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## WriterGuy (Oct 18, 2010)

Well, it definitely sounds like your wife is putting her sister before you. If her relationship with her twin is interfering with your plans for the future, then it's time for a serious discussion. She needs to know where you're coming from and that this behavior, on her part, is slightly irrational. 

There's obviously nothing wrong with being close to one's sibling, but that relationship shouldn't get in the way of a marriage running a normal and healthy course. Your the person your wife is supposed to be building a life and a family with . . . it's time for her to recognize that. As for your sister-in-law, you'd think she'd want to give you guys some space every now and then.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

If you have made your position clear, and I mean REALLY clear, there may be nothing you can do about it. Blood is indeed thicker than water.

Maybe you should start making plans to do things on your own. Tell your wife you got a ticket to a baseball game and go alone. Go out to dinner without her. Take up a hobby that gets you out of the house without her. 

if she doesn't react with a sense you aren't being there for her, she's in way too deep with her sister for you to do anything about it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Have you two been to counseling?


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

i believe that when two people get married, they forsake their childhood families and cleave to each other. not to say they aren't involved with their families, but this new family created by marriage should always come first. unfortunately, this ideal situation is not always the case. it sounds like your wife is not fulfilling her role as a wife. she is so consumed with being a sister that she defines herself by this role. i'm not a twin so i don't know what thats like, but i have a best friend who has a twin sister, and though they are very close she is just as close with her older sister and they all 3 have normal sisterly relationships. they are there for each other but lead separate lives. your wife should NEVER make a decision that involves the two of you only because she doesn't want to be far from her sister. if being away from family and siblings was so painful, then none of us could ever go off to college, live alone, travel, etc. it is ridiculous to make life decisions based on the mile distance from your family, unless the family is your husband and underage children. 

does your wife truly realize how much this bothers you? if you have told her only when you are angry, or sound critical, she will not truly hear you and only become defensive and paint you as the bad guy. no one wants to admit there is something wrong with them, its other people who just don't understand lol....go to her at a mutually calm time and and tell her that you love her very much and care for your sister-in-law, but you feel ignored and undermined when she only spends time with her sister and does not consider changes because it would take her away from her sister. Tell her that you appreciate their relationship, and am glad that she has such a wonderful and supporting sister, but you want that closeness with her too. Ask her to become as close to you as she is to her sister. Hopefully, since you will be saying this in a loving way and as the supportive husband, she will truly hear you and regret ignoring you. Then when she makes an effort to include you, don't flake unless you have a valid reason not to go. also, if she suggests including you in her hobbies with her sister, state that you want special time with her just the two of you (maybe say this with humor). as for your goals and dreams, remember that some people mature at a slower rate and give her a bit of time to create boundaries. perhaps in a years time she will feel just as close to you and will not feel as much a loss of friendship if you guys move away from her sister. 

best of luck


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Find your sister-in-law a man. She'll be so busy with him she'll give you two some space.


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