# In pain and sense of hopelessness due to upcoming separation



## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

My H told me that he thinks we need to live separately because we are unhappy. He is unhappy. We meet when we were 20 years old and have have three children (preteen, teen, 4year old). I have no family or friends relationships. My H and the boys have been my only friends for the last 15 years. The closest people outside of them are my coworkers but I could not talk to them. We have only a work relationship. My oldest is four and had him less than a year after finding out about an EA. We separated for a few days but appears never solved the problems. First he says my job is the priority for me and then he says we were so young when we met and had my first son so that is why we need a break. I always felt he was there for the children but not me. I am thankful he is a reliable dad but looking back not sure if he was in love with me. I was from an unstable home life and have no contact with my family but was naive in thinking this would be forever and never felt I needed any other people in my live but him and the boys. Financially I can not move out or purchase a car and emotionally I am drained. I can not concern at work and I am a manager at an association and not trying to let my office especially my department know I am an emotional reck. My organization is also having troubles. I have been there almost 15 ears and not sure my department will be around (merger sign) 

How do I breathe again? Stop crying? I regret a lot of choices I have made in the last 15 years but do not know where to go from here. Can you meet new people at 38 to become build relationships with? With no adult family, friends or associates it has been difficult today. I hate that I feel sorry for myself but I am not I don't know what to do next to feel better. I want the energy and strength to grow stonger to get through the day with less pain. I have been spending time with the boys today but what else immediately can I do to move on? I love my family unit (H & children & me)


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

When at the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on. You will come out of this a victor...the other choice is not too good. Protect your heart and your livlihood. He can just act as though the last 20 years were false and now nothing but a memory. I will pray for you and your situation.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

Don't worry you are not alone there so many of us that is going through same thing some are worse.
You have to look after yourself and make it your top priority get more rest and do a long walk to let the stress out.
You need take care of your mind body and heart so do the best not to neglect it.
When it comes to pain just let it all out,cry as much as you want,
stay here in TAM keep reading for some post here it will give a lot of encouragement.
Just take one day at a time.
And keep searching online information on how to deal with your situation.
You will survive this.
All the storms in life will pass it just takes time...


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## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

Thank you so much for the encouragement. 

My head tells me I will get through this one day but physically and emotionally I am hurting. I can't stop crying for a long period of time while feeling like I can't catch my breathe. 

Reading the posts are helpful to know I am not alone in my H's decision to live separately and the thought that there is a possibility we and/or I may be happier because of it. I know I will have to be here ALOT -reading and reply to other posts-(after time spent with boys and work) as just a beginning of dealing with this as positive as I can.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

38 is not old at all.

You meet new people by getting out of the house and going places and smiling at people and saying hi.


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## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

I know you are right. 

I attempt to be friendly but it is difficult for me to have small talk in person with strangers. I get so nervous if with a group of strangers just talking around a table (attended coworkers parties by myself and galas with husband) or even one on one. People have said I am sweet but have not built anything substantial.

Socially I feel like a child but right now I do need to get out of the house, force myself to look at the big picture, and learn to relate to people. I always struggled with this (even growing up; I have been so comfortable nd happy going to work, coming home, and being just with my family. is a new day in my life.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

The first important step for you to do is not to neglect your health and yourself you need a lot of strenght to get through this so you begin to start it from yourself by looking after it.
Exercise and eating healthy and plenty of rest will do a lot of wonders with the emotions that you are going through
Remember you need to be strong and by all means you have to take care of yourself...
And also pray and ask for assistance form the divine spirit/or if you are a religious person then to ask help from GOD and he will make things possible.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

It hurts like hell, but it does get better. You don't notice day by day, but you turn around after jumping a few hurdles, and you realise there is a life for you out there after all. 

I'm about seven weeks into a seperation leading to divorce, and when I think how I first was compared to how I am now, it's a lot different. 

Still hurts a bit, and some days are an emotional roller coaster. But somehow you keep going, and keep going, and you really do start to feel better. Or at least are able to manage the pain and the stress much better. 

Hang on in there, we're all here for you, and each other.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Keep your head up..It does get better it will just take some time..and there will be setbacks...but the more you deal with all of it the easier it is the next time it comes up..( I hope that makes sense )
I also have been just working coming home and being quite content with that....Some days I just go to the store and walk around and say hi to people or just smile...sometimes I get some nice smiles back other days not so much...Its baby steps 

You'll be fine in the long run so try not to over think things...I was worried about everything under the sun in the beginning and now I try not to do that and its much better....Meeting woman and people will happen ...
For now just find ways to stay healthy ...exercise,eat healthy, find things to distract you mind when you start to feel down..

I am going to be 41 in less than a month and yes you can meet new people...I look forward to that


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## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

I had a better day today. It is my son's fifth birthday. 

I was at work with my door closed and director out of the country this week so had more time to think about this at work, google chat with H and then focused on my sons when I got home. 

We went to ChuckECheeses as a family but felt the distance between my H and me. He was somewhere else tonight (emotionally) and I was angry but for tonight it is ok. I rather not talk about it. It is my son's day. The conversation will be brought up again soon (probably later this week if not tomorrow)...when and how will this separation happen. Going to gym tomorrow; first time since my youngest son was born. Maybe I will join a class and meet some new people. I can be hopeful in this area I guess.


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