# In a separation - 3 months



## kar (Oct 19, 2012)

My wife (or kind of my ex) she broke up with me and said she didnt want to be married anymore after an affair. But now says she changed her mind - wants a seperation - to live apart while she discovers who she is and would like to also go to therapy during that time. Also uses words like IF we get back together. Any advice of how to handle this? I've been pretty adamant to show I dont want to break up and stay together. Is there any chance or reason why someone would want to go to therapy if they dont see a chance? Would anyone waste their time like that? There has been a lot of back n forth and I am scared to hope if there is not any....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sounds like her and her new boyfriend are fighting and your wife isn't sure if it will work out between the two of them so she is using you fron plan B.

I could be wrong, but at any rate I do agree with you that it is a waste of time.

Maybe the boyfriend totaly found some one else and bailed on your wife all together...but that still makes you plan B.

Have you talked to the boyfriend to find out what really happened? I mean is this a break up or just a fight between the two of them?

If she wants to get back with you now, what makes you think she goes back to her boyfriend later? 


I think your wife is a big risk, she had her chance and choose the boyfriend over you. You my friend should have moved on back then, but it appears your cake eating wife has you by the short hairs.

At the end of the day why does your wife want you to take her back when she hasn't given you any real commitment? Again a chance you are taking in going thru the emotional torture you already went thru!

Enough already, find a girl that doesn't have the word "if" in her vocabulary.

You diserve good things and your wife seems to not provide you with good things. 

If it was me I wouldn't take the risk, I'd find someone else that was just a little pit more commited to you.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

is she still with her affair partner?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing ....whats the therapy for?

To address her issues with her lack of boundries or her intitlement issues? 

What kind of consequences has she had to face since the affair was confronted?

All these question point back to her cheating again years down the road.


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## kar (Oct 19, 2012)

yes it isnt working with other person..... i know it sounds weird but i really believe in my wife even in spite of everything. the therapy was supposed to be to see if we could get back together. Can anyone recommend a good marriage saving book that doesnt involve kids. Most of the good ones I saw are laiden with information about children and I dont want that focused on since its not an issue. Also does anyone have any advice on rules for separation - should it be structured?


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

It should deffinately be structured. What are you trying to achieve from it. What are the R plans, etc...


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## Highway run (Oct 22, 2012)

If you love her, cannot see yourself, your life & future w/o her then I would give it all you got. True love only comes around once and if you think you've got it with her then go for it.


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## kar (Oct 19, 2012)

jdlash said:


> It should deffinately be structured. What are you trying to achieve from it. What are the R plans, etc...


I want to achieve (from therapy) understanding and the ability to move forward. From the book I want structured exercises we can do for building trust and helpful advice about (positive stuff) about sticking it out and working thru the bad times etc.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

kar said:


> I want to achieve (from therapy) understanding and the ability to move forward. From the book I want structured exercises we can do for building trust and helpful advice about (positive stuff) about sticking it out and working thru the bad times etc.


I would say if she wants to move back in fine but a separation you are just plan b imo.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

"Discover who she is" - are often code words for "find another posOM"



kar said:


> My wife (or kind of my ex) she broke up with me and said she didnt want to be married anymore after an affair. But now says she changed her mind - wants a seperation - to live apart while she discovers who she is and would like to also go to therapy during that time. Also uses words like IF we get back together. Any advice of how to handle this? I've been pretty adamant to show I dont want to break up and stay together. Is there any chance or reason why someone would want to go to therapy if they dont see a chance? Would anyone waste their time like that? There has been a lot of back n forth and I am scared to hope if there is not any....


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