# Frustrating...Husband doesn't enjoy anything!



## Lynn2002

Hello! I am very new to this board. 

I am so frustrated with my husband of nine years. We have two daughters and I like to plan fun outings. And EVERY time I plan something my husband says "no". I'll text him and say: Want to go the park - answer: No, Got free tickets to the baseball game, want to go - answer: No. Your sister invited us to a BBQ, want to go - answer: No. UGH!!!!

We do end up going, but it's an argument getting out the door but when we are there it's always fun. This father's day I planned to take the girls minature golfing - didn't tell my husband because I didn't want to hear the "No". I told him Sunday morning that at noonish we will be going somewhere. At noon he asked where and I told him I didn't want to tell him because he'll just say no...he said well if you tell me or not I'm going to say no. So I told him and he didn't seem happy. BUT after delaying our departure with cleaning, etc. we FINALLY got in the car and went. We had a nice time - it was a beautiful day.

Now his mom invited us to her cabin and what does he say: No. So I asked if he'd mind if I take the girls without him. He says fine. 

It's just so frustrating that I'm married to Mr. Negativity and not someone who enjoys life. How can I survive this life without getting depressed myself??? Any advise? Thanks.


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## Trenton

Have you spoken to him directly about why he always says no and then asked if he sincerely enjoys the time when he does go?

Maybe if he recognizes the pattern that he automatically does and sees that it's self defeating, he'll be empowered to change it.


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## RandomDude

Watch this here movie with him:

YouTube - ‪Yes Man - Trailer in iHD


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## CallaLily

Sounds like possible depression, or his mind is elsewhere.


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## Lynn2002

That's is a GREAt idea! I think I'll actually rent the movie and watch it with him! I love the line that said: You say No to life; therefore your not living. That is so true!!!

I have brought it up to him and he just doesn't care. We have gone to marriage counseling and she helped me see how to set things up - making sure that he isn't overwhelmed with planning and that I'm sensitive to not spending money (when he wants to save) etc. And I do all that and I'm just exhausted and get hurt when he doesn't appreciate it.


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## Lynn2002

@CallaLily - yes I believe it is depression...our couselor mentioned that and his mom says it too. But getting him to go to another counselor for possible medication is another obsticle. But perhaps I should pursue it!
My husband is a wonderful hands on dad and helps with household chores (we both work full time). He is great with day-to-day chores, duties but when it comes to doing something outside normal routine his answer is always no.


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## Boogsie

Sounds like your husband and my wife would be excellent together. They could stay in the house all the time and do nothing together.


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## Runs like Dog

My wife was born an 80 year old woman. When she really turns 80 she will be so happy.


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## Syrum

Runs like Dog said:


> My wife was born an 80 year old woman. When she really turns 80 she will be so happy.


:rofl:

That is so funny.

I think I am lucky in this regard, as I like to get out and do things, and my fiance seems to enjoy spending time with me, so is happy to get and do things with me too.

I like to spend some time at home, and some time out and about. I like camping, going on picnics, going for drives, going out dinner, going shopping, taking my son to parks etc. My fiance likes me to be happy so he participates happily.

I also like to go fishing with him and do things he likes as well, and if he was really tired and wanted to stay home sometimes too, that would be OK with me. 

However your husband really isn't putting the effort in required, especially when you have kids, and it shouldn't be that big of a deal to do things on the weekend together, he should want to spend time with you.

Have you tried saying if he happily comes and spends a day out with you guys that the next day you will all stay home and relax?


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## Lynn2002

I am planning to go up to his mom's cabin without him in a few weeks and it's going to be a big deal! I'm REALLY looking forward to going without him and not having ANY negativity. Hmmm...maybe this will be the first of many outtings without him. His lost.

As long as our house is clean, bills are paid (no huge credit card debt), and we have home cooked meals he is a happy camper. Anything outside that box is negativity. I really like the idea of watching "Yes Man" - because that is exactly my husband!! Saying No to everything, and thus not living!


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## JustAGirl

RandomDude said:


> Watch this here movie with him:
> 
> YouTube - ‪Yes Man - Trailer in iHD


My H would even say "NO" to watching this movie!


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## sofie

Lynn2002 said:


> I am planning to go up to his mom's cabin without him in a few weeks and it's going to be a big deal! I'm REALLY looking forward to going without him and not having ANY negativity. Hmmm...maybe this will be the first of many outtings without him. His lost.
> 
> As long as our house is clean, bills are paid (no huge credit card debt), and we have home cooked meals he is a happy camper. Anything outside that box is negativity. I really like the idea of watching "Yes Man" - because that is exactly my husband!! Saying No to everything, and thus not living!


Is it that he doesn't like to do anything? Or does he play games with the children inside the house and likes to watch movies with you inside the house?. Just don't want to do things outside the house?
.


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## Lynn2002

@sofie - He would just rather stay home. 

Here is what I think is happening - when I say: I got free tickets to the baseball game want to go? He thinks "Why? We have to park downtown, pay $5.00 for a hot dog" answer: NO...instead of what I'm thinking: Nice night out!!!
Or - let's go minature golfing - He thinks "why? Girls can't golf. 
Or - let's go to your sister's for a BBQ - He thinks "why? what will I talk about with anyone, what food will they have there"
Seriously!! Why can't he just HAVE FUN!!


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## Mr. Nail

Depression, low testosterone, and jut plain workaholism. Reminds me a bit of my Dad. There was always a list of things that had to be done first. On the other had Dad did have a few recreational activities that he did like. 

I think that I do see something missing in your relationship. You like to plan fun activities, Great! but they seem to be family activities. There should be an equal number of couple activities. One book, influential to me, suggested a week vacation with the family, and a week vacation with your spouse. Now I can't afford that, but the proportion is right. Friday night is for us as a couple, Saturday afternoon is for the family. 

I can imagine you sitting there thinking, "Mr. Nail, you didn't listen. He just says 'no'". And, I'm afraid that he will but it is still important. 

Another thing. Going to his mom's without him, while breaking my mom's rule, will be a nice break for you, and hopefully a wake up for him. I would urge caution when dealing with someone with that many signs of depression. At least make regular scheduled phone calls. 

M N


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## Lynn2002

@Mr. Nail - thanks for your post. Actually going to the baseball game was a couple night out. And we did end up going and had a fun time. It was just getting him to go! 

What do you mean about making regular scheduled phone calls? I think I'm missing your point there.

I suppose all-in-all I just married a guy that likes routine, doesn't like spending money on things he thinks is nonesense. But man is that tough to live with!!


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## michzz

He could be introverted, a social avoider.

Was he always this way?


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## southbound

My x wife and i had this issue. Perhaps there is some underlying resentment about something on his part. How is your sex life? It could play a major issue. If he isn't sexually satisfied, perhaps it kills his desire to do other things with you. If sex is good, perhaps it's something else. Just a thought.


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## Mr. Nail

Lynn,

It's a safety thing. Because he seems depressed, you need to have something for him to expect and be responsible to be there for. So you call him at the same time each day. More than once a day. This keeps him from doing something foolish because he has to be there for you.

Does that make sense?

M N


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## RandomDude

Take the living piss outta him until he shapes up. But hell I dunno if that would work, that's what the missus does to me for certain issues though it doesn't work all the time - I still piss out the balcony on the 2nd floor while having a smoke with her complaining about having to 'check the weather' so to speak. So meh...


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## Justfedup

Start doing things without him...He probably won't change but at least your will still be living life and enjoying anytime out of the home with your kids while they are still at home. Your husband needs to account for his depression/low testosterone on his own...he's a big boy. Sorry if I sound short about this, but I am in the same boat. My husband lost his job and his mother in a three week span and I cannot get my husband to continue living life. I hate the weekends...they drag on forever. The most I can get my husband to do with me visiting the grocery store, TARGET or WALMART. We haven't been to dinner for MONTHS. The bottom line is that our husband are so self involved in their pity and their own nonsense that our feelings simply do not exist.


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## Runs like Dog

time of day thing? 3:30p-7p is my zombie time. naps and generally being in a zonked out daze.


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## Talulahmissy

Hello. I know this post is old but I'm wondering if things ever got any better for the original poster? I am in the exact same boat (even made him watch "yes man") with my boyfriend who I have lived with for several years. I am in the process of moving out now because of this and I'm sad to go. Did anything ever make your husband's problem better? Medication? Therapy? I have concluded that it's a control issue but who knows.


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## JohnA

Lynn,

First: You are prime bait for an affair. Guard yourself. How many women say "I mever thought I could" or "I am not that type -but'."

You don't want that on you. If it is depression he has to take the first step. Until then seek help to cope.

Not much help, but you can't help someone if your part of the problem,


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## Wolf1974

michzz said:


> He could be introverted, a social avoider.
> 
> *Was he always this way?*


This is an important question, maybe the most important one. Too many times here we hear from an upset spouse about something only to find out what is making them upset was always there. Was he like this before you married him? If yes then you kinda got what you paid for. Same would go for a guy who complains about lack of sex in marriage and ask him if it was like this before marriage...yep...then why did you marry someone you weren't compatible with? Is this new behavior?

OP. You say you come up with things and recognize his view on it being fun isn't the same as yours. For example tickets to a baseball game. That wouldn't sound fun to me either as I'm not into baseball. When you suggest something like that and he says no why not ask him to come up with something fun to do as an alternative. Maybe much of this is he just doesn't like some of the things you come up with? If his answer to that is always no and no alternative he would like to do, and he wasn't always this way , I would lean toward possible depression as well.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
How is the rest of your marriage? Is you sex life good (not just OK)? Sometimes other problems in marriage can leak into the rest of life.


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## FeministInPink

Zombie... Thread...


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## Uxdr

My husband is the same way. It's like pulling teeth to get him to go out. Then when we do go, if one little thing makes him upset or mad, the whole day is ruined. If he doesn't like anything on the menu, he won't eat. If he doesn't know or like anyone at a party, he'll stand in the corner or push me to leave. I try to set things up well in advance and give him warning, but sometimes even that doesn't help. It makes it very difficult to even go out and celebrate our anniversary.
So now to avoid all of this negativity and frustration, I just go without him. But the constant "oh where is your husband?" questions is starting to wear on me as well. I pick my battles now. And although I feel guilty to admit it, I enjoy some things more if he's not there.


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## Woodchuck

St. Louis...1966. Busch Stadium Concert.....*THE BEATLES*

Luke warm OK till the night of the concert. At her mothers home, 1 mile from the stadium.....

Naaaa...I don't wanna......Now it's just about sex...Naaaa...I don't wanna


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## Woodchuck

I was a big Beatles fan, No concert.....She is a Little Big Town fan......I introduced her to Phillip Sweet. and while he was at our home, he played the keyboard and sang for her.....


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## Woodchuck

Here is a post of mine on the same subject...

There is a little town a couple of hours from our home. It has a couple of B&B's and wonderful scenery....I ask my wife if she would like to drive over with me spend spend a day or two...Nuthin doin...

https://www.google.com/#q=Calico+rock+Arkansas+

Does this seem like a horrible place?


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## captainstormy

I doubt that your husband doesn't want to do anything. He probably just doesn't want to do the stuff you do.

My wife and I are the same. She always wants to go to things I don't like/enjoy to which I say no alot. From her point of view, it seems like I say no to everything. In reality, I'm saying no to the stuff that I don't enjoy.

Also,he may be the kind of person who doesn't need to always be out and about. Me, I'm good if I see my friends once or twice a month. My wife, likes to see hers almost daily.


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