# Post-Marriage Freakiness



## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Why do women cease doing freaky stuff when they marry us? In the beginning we are like two porn stars but after marriage they become catholic nuns.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not all women


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'm still married to a porn star.

I think it happens because the husbands allow and even aid it in numerous ways
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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

For me it was the opposite. I learned just about everything I know with my husband, even though he isn't the only person I've been with sexually. I was the "catholic nun" so to speak, and now, thanks to his gentle guidance, I feel a lot more liberated and less reserved with my sexuality... 

It is my guess that "life" could be a factor in things toning down sexually after marriage?
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

theone79 said:


> Why do women cease doing freaky stuff when they marry us? In the beginning we are like two porn stars but after marriage they become catholic nuns.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you assume that all women are like your wife? You chose her. Apparently that is what you wanted in a wife.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

In my relationship I find the emotional intimacy is matched fairly well by the physical.

After marriage *I* was the one that got comfortable... seeing as how my wife put on a ton of weight, I stopped trying. Sex went down hill for 1-2 years.

I have since, manned-up and started putting the moves on her, and she keeps me very very happy in the bedroom, and does everything a dirty wife should do to her husband.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

i'm not sure but there are more cases like this than not which leads me to believe there is something to it.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you assume that all women are like your wife? You chose her. Apparently that is what you wanted in a wife.


It ain't me assuming. I heard so many stories from married men but I thought something was just wrong with them. Now it happened to me and I'm like what the hell.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

theone79 said:


> It ain't me assuming. I heard so many stories from married men but I thought something was just wrong with them. Now it happened to me and I'm like what the hell.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How many hours a week do you spend with your wife doing things together... not cleaning house, not with kids, just the two of you?


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

sinnister said:


> i'm not sure but there are more cases like this than not which leads me to believe there is something to it.


Yea I just don't get it. It got me thinking she did all that just to impress me in the beginning. So I'm like damn, if we break up she might go all out for the next man to reel him in too.
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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you spend with your wife doing things together... not cleaning house, not with kids, just the two of you?


We do date nights every Friday with the two of us but we come home to the kids afterwards.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

theone79 said:


> We do date nights every Friday with the two of us but we come home to the kids afterwards.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So that's the only time the two of you spend alone together?


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> So that's the only time the two of you spend alone together?


Yep. I work, she work, and then it's us and the kids
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

theone79 said:


> Yep. I work, she work, and then it's us and the kids
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well that's a huge part of the problem. If the two of you do not spend enough time together you will not maintain the passion in your relationship. You are not courting her as you did when you dated, but you want her to be able to turn on the passion like a light switch. Women are not made that way. 

The rule of thumb is that it takes 15 hours of week of being together.. doing things like you would when you are dating to keep the passion alive... that means putting the kids to bed early and spending time together just about every day.. 2 hours a day average. 

So put the kids to bed early (best reason for early bed times for kids that there is). Turn on the romantic music low, sit and have tea or a glass of wine. Plan a special snack just for the two of you.

Talk to each other... there are some fun conversation starter books. THis one one thing we have done. One of you picks a question from the book or makes one up. Then the other person answers it. Then the questioner answers it. Then the you swap and person 2 asks the next question.. it's fun. you can learn a lot about each other this way.

One think my husband and I do is to sit and he reads a book to me. Then we discuss the book as we go along. Or play a game like checkers. There are fun sexy games to play as well.. they are like board games. Think of fun things to do. 

If you spend say 4 hours each day on Sat & Sun together, you can then do 1 hour each evening.


If you need get a baby sitter some days. Even a baby sitter to watch your kids while you and your wife have an in-home date.

What about going to a hotel after some of those weekly dates?

This is the kind of emotional intimacy that a woman needs.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

That sounds damn good. I appreciate that. Now if only she's down for it, it sounds like a plan.
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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Not all women


Yea u right. Not all
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

theone79 said:


> That sounds damn good. I appreciate that. Now if only she's down for it, it sounds like a plan.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One thing you can do together would be to read the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters" by Dr. Harley. Work the exercises together. 

My husband and I did that a few years ago. It was wonderful. We have let somethings slip. So we have talked about reading the books together again and working through them.... sort of a tuneup.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

theone79 said:


> Why do women cease doing freaky stuff when they marry us? In the beginning we are like two porn stars but after marriage they become catholic nuns.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Married Man Sex Life


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> One thing you can do together would be to read the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters" by Dr. Harley. Work the exercises together.
> 
> My husband and I did that a few years ago. It was wonderful. We have let somethings slip. So we have talked about reading the books together again and working through them.... sort of a tuneup.


HNHN is essential. Doing it together is important.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Married Man Sex Life


That is good advice for anyone. Anger is used the same say by both men and women. The tactic to distinguish it is the same.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you spend with your wife doing things together... not cleaning house, not with kids, just the two of you?


That's sooo important. Hubs and I retreat to the garage when the kids go to bed (by 8:30) to talk and hang out like teenagers. lol. After a couple of hours of conversation (not about work, kids or the house) we go to bed  and we get our freak on :smthumbup:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Put the kids to bed on date night before you get home. Seriously. If they are older, tell them to stay in their rooms occupied.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> HNHN is essential. Doing it together is important.


Worth a shot
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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

i feel bad for the guy whos wifes turn into saints after they are married.. sorta like false advertisement..my wife went the other way(thank god)and is a complete freak in bed.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> That's sooo important. Hubs and I retreat to the garage when the kids go to bed (by 8:30) to talk and hang out like teenagers. lol. After a couple of hours of conversation (not about work, kids or the house) we go to bed  and we get our freak on :smthumbup:


mmmmm. Nice. Lol
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## UnwantedWife (Dec 5, 2011)

Just the opposite over here.

See, I always thought that getting married was my golden ticket to a freaky sex life. Sure, I might have felt comfortable having public sex or doing crazy positions with a boyfriend...but it wasn't until I married my husband that I had someone who I *trusted* enough to let myself be tied up or wear a blind-fold or make a sex tape. I might have let a boyfriend pull my hair alittle, but it wasn't until I got married that I had someone I *trusted* enough to be choked and slapped during sex.

My husband on the other hand...he was awesome before we married, he used to come up with these crazy role plays that were so hot. But shortly after the wedding he got kinda lazy about sex. He might play along if I go through the trouble of setting something up but he prefers to stick to the same 2-3 positions and as little foreplay as possible.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Put the kids to bed on date night before you get home. Seriously. If they are older, tell them to stay in their rooms occupied.


lol
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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> If they are older, tell them to stay in their rooms occupied.


This is quite literally the *WORST* piece of advice I have _*ever*_ read on this site.(joke) 

Telling your kids to occupy themselves and be somewhere else? You've just given them all the evidence they need that you want to do something without being disturbed. And that they will annoy you ROYALLY if they do.:rofl:

So what are they going to do? 

This is the equivalent of having "kick me" written across the seat of your trousers!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

theone79 said:


> Why do women cease doing freaky stuff when they marry us? In the beginning we are like two porn stars but after marriage they become catholic nuns.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And... have you discussed this with your wife? And her response?

So often, before marriage there's a lot more time, attentiveness on both sides, crazy 'in love' hormones swimming around that make that freaky stuff possible. We often do crazy things when we are crazy in love, eh?

And I'm not bashing pre-marital sex, but what people have now before marriage, is what they used to have afterward in the 'honeymoon' phase. When people get to the honeymoon phase now, they've actually already gone through that crazy 'in love' hormone phase. 

After you've been together awhile (you don't even have to be married for it to happen), there often ends up being much less time, much less attentiveness from both sides, the hormones die down a bit, and you find that you have to put in a bit of effort in order to maintain.

Come on - you know that people get lazy!  It seems to be easier to complain about our spouse and their lack of iniative and inattention toward us, than it is for us to get up and really try to do something about our own inattentiveness.

From the sounds of it, perhaps there hasn't been enough attentiveness paid to your relationship (on both sides). All it takes is one of you to try and start the ball rolling again. I think you've got some good recommendations on some resources to look at that could help you get that started.

Best wishes.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

after 35 years I'm still married to a porn star!


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> This is quite literally the *WORST* piece of advice I have _*ever*_ read on this site.(joke)
> 
> Telling your kids to occupy themselves and be somewhere else? You've just given them all the evidence they need that you want to do something without being disturbed. And that they will annoy you ROYALLY if they do.:rofl:
> 
> ...


Damn lol
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> This is quite literally the *WORST* piece of advice I have _*ever*_ read on this site.(joke)
> 
> Telling your kids to occupy themselves and be somewhere else? You've just given them all the evidence they need that you want to do something without being disturbed. And that they will annoy you ROYALLY if they do.:rofl:
> 
> ...


Well, i assume date NIGHT means they go out at night so when they get home, the kids should be in bed. NOT hanging out with the parents.

Our kids don't disturb us when we say we need some time alone. Guess we're just lucky.


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> And... have you discussed this with your wife? And her response?
> 
> So often, before marriage there's a lot more time, attentiveness on both sides, crazy 'in love' hormones swimming around that make that freaky stuff possible. We often do crazy things when we are crazy in love, eh?
> 
> ...


Yes I asked and all I get is the "you-thinking-with-the-wrong-head" speech instead of answering my damn question.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

theone79 said:


> Yes I asked and all I get is the "you-thinking-with-the-wrong-head" speech instead of answering my damn question.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, her comment made sense. Women don't and won't get freaky without connection and trust.

She was just commenting that maybe you've been ignoring the emotional side of love/sex and that could be where the key to your wife's freakiness lies


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Yup. If she thinks you're thinking with the "wrong head" then she clearly feels your motivation is purely sexual, and her motivation may be emotional in nature.
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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Because the endorphine ****tail that is a biological fact of new love wore off after the honeymoon period of 6 to 36 months of new love, then the slow burn of confusion and then resentment set in over several more uears and has now taken firm root. 

Now you need to graduate to meeting each others needs first by understanding them and then by committing to their consistent execution. 

That is to say you need to pursue your wife with the same intensity you did when you couldnt wait to see her each day. 

If she is receptive then she will get your freak on. 

True story. Ive done it after reading Calle Zorro free articles only and about 30 books on marraige and communicating woth the opposite sex and within a few weeks of hot pursuit of my wife along with rekindling the warm inner glow, she got freaky again asking me if I had a bucket we could sit on to (use your imaginination) and then there was the whipped cream, anal, more BJs etc. 

When I get busy with work it slows down until I get back after it. 

She is like an engine that needs the gasoline of pursuit, affection and attention. 

Good luck


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> She is like an engine that needs the gasoline of pursuit, affection and attention.


Well said! :iagree:
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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Well, her comment made sense. Women don't and won't get freaky without connection and trust.
> 
> She was just commenting that maybe you've been ignoring the emotional side of love/sex and that could be where the key to your wife's freakiness lies


I understand the emotional connection too but a relationship will have arguments but when we are good, she don't have to hold back
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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> Because the endorphine ****tail that is a biological fact of new love wore off after the honeymoon period of 6 to 36 months of new love, then the slow burn of confusion and then resentment set in over several more uears and has now taken firm root.
> 
> Now you need to graduate to meeting each others needs first by understanding them and then by committing to their consistent execution.
> Thanks man. Good advice
> ...


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Well, i assume date NIGHT means they go out at night so when they get home, the kids should be in bed. NOT hanging out with the parents.
> 
> Our kids don't disturb us when we say we need some time alone. Guess we're just lucky.


one of our boys is a high school freshman that stay up on weekends. I try to fuss too much cause I used to be like that at his age
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ah, well, just stay out later then!  Go make out in your car!!


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## theone79 (Nov 15, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> And... have you discussed this with your wife? And her response?
> 
> So often, before marriage there's a lot more time, attentiveness on both sides, crazy 'in love' hormones swimming around that make that freaky stuff possible. We often do crazy things when we are crazy in love, eh?
> 
> ...


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