# Depressed coz of my husbands behaviour



## crabapple23 (Mar 19, 2013)

I've been married 10 yrs.My husband has from the past few yrs been using a lot of abusive language against me when we have arguments.I'm hurt not just becoz of his words but that it happens 

in front of my 6 yr old son.He addresses me as "it"(as if I am a thing). eg: "IT cant even understand basic things" or "That one doesnt not know how to behave".He even tells my son things 

like....."Dont ever become like u'r mom.Dont be stubborn like her".My son just keeps quite for everything.He has witnessed a lot of such things over and over again.
It hurts me that he shows disrespect to me in front of my son.
My husband finds everythign I do incorrect and stupid.He corrects me about everything and wants me to listen to him.If i dont listen to him...he calls me stubborn.He over and over tells my son 

as to what a stubborn mother he has.

And my husband never ever apologizes for anything coz he does not feel guilty.I have spoken to him many times about how this hurts me...but he only justifies saying ...he would not react this 

way...if i just listen to him.Everything happened since I didnt listen to him and there is nothing wrong in it....I am just stubborn.
He will never go to a marriage counseller.I have tried to take him...but he does not agree.

After these arguments, for days we dont talk to each other...but when he wants to have sex...he comes over me....and i forget things and forgive him...and then its like nothing happened.
I would be glad to forgive him if he felt sorry for what he did.But he has taken it for granted that I will get ok in few days.He does not want sex often too.He comes to me just once a 

week...sometimes even skips that.I'm an attractive 30 yr old.But looks like he doesnt like me.

Sometimes during heated arguments...he even tells me "Get out of this place.Just getout of my life and my house".Again all this in front of my 6 yr old.

Please advice what I need to do.I do not want to divorce him. Just that he may change and feel bad about what hez been doing to me.
This totally effects me.I go into depression for days when this happens and cant concentrate even at work.


----------



## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

crabapple23 said:


> I've been married 10 yrs.My husband has from the past few yrs been using a lot of abusive language against me when we have arguments.I'm hurt not just becoz of his words but that it happens
> 
> in front of my 6 yr old son.He addresses me as "it"(as if I am a thing). eg: "IT cant even understand basic things" or "That one doesnt not know how to behave".He even tells my son things
> 
> ...


Did you cheat on him and hurt him and he's been retaliating like this since?

Either way, you need to seek outside professional help. Discuss with the husband that there is a problem, that he should not be talking to his wife like that in front of his child. Does he want his son to treat his wife like that?

He's using it to tear you down. I know it hurts. Let him know there is a problem, and that you would like to get some help. 

If the husband does not want to get the help you have your answer. I wouldn't give it more than a year of him not caring.


----------



## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

By the way on the sex. I've been through the same cycle. An extremely abusive spouse, sex that masks the pain and then repeat it again the next day.

Some people are just abusive, and his ego may realize you are intelligent and attractive and it attacks that part about you so it can feel better about itself.

In my situation it got to a point that the abuse outweighed the sex, and I knew it was time to go.

Abusive people get worse, the more they abuse you. It's because their "norm" is now tormenting you and to take this away causes them actual pain and discomfort.

Good luck and take good care of yourself. I'd be in the gym and around supportive friends and family members.


----------



## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

This is emotional abuse.Sorry,you need to leave and go to
someone you can trust.If this continues eventually it
might turn to physical abuse.

You don't have a healthy relationship if this is happening.
Is your husband controlling and has low self esteem issues?


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I understand you don't want to divorce him, because Im sure you're hoping things will change and he will see the light. Well the question is, how long do you hold out, in hopes he sees the light? 

Then you need to ask yourself if you hang on a little longer and he is still hurting you, then you need to ask what your pay off is for staying in an unhealthy situation where your child is leaning that their dads behavior towards his mother is ok, and that his mothers staying is ok. If thats the message you want to send to your child then I guess you stay. 

My suggestion, you can suggest MC to him, but I have a feeling that wont be much of an option for him. He is in the power zone right now of being able to talk to you like a dog. Just remember, what you allow is what will continue.


----------



## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

trey69 said:


> I understand you don't want to divorce him, because Im sure you're hoping things will change and he will see the light. Well the question is, how long do you hold out, in hopes he sees the light?
> 
> Then you need to ask yourself if you hang on a little longer and he is still hurting you, then you need to ask what your pay off is for staying in an unhealthy situation where your child is leaning that their dads behavior towards his mother is ok, and that his mothers staying is ok. If thats the message you want to send to your child then I guess you stay.
> 
> My suggestion, you can suggest MC to him, but I have a feeling that wont be much of an option for him. He is in the power zone right now of being able to talk to you like a dog. Just remember, what you allow is what will continue.


Your right, "Power Zone". I never thought of terming it like this, but I did realize a tormenter or abuser does not want to let go of the abuse, it feels like they are losing something and is uncomfortable for them.

It would take a man to really realize he loves his wife and to be shamed at his behavior to release it. I think he loves being in this "Power Zone" much more.


----------

