# Stepsons and wrestling



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

My Stepsons are 14 and 8, we have them every other weekend and my dh goes to see them once during the week. 
When he sees them and the weather is nice they usually have dinner, go to a park and play cards, do home work abs talk in the van. 
The boys usually end up play fighting and wrestling and always hurt each other. 
When they are here it's the same thing. I'm so beyond sick of it. Even asking then to get ready for bed, they go in their room and immediately start play wrestling. 
I have never had boys, I guess this is normal and they are trying to connect? 
Is it wrong to try to get them to stop completely? 
It drives both of us nuts because it always ends in pain or a fight.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is pretty standard sibling behaviour. take a few deep breaths and let them get on with it. Play fighting is normal. 

I step in if things go beyond a certain point but apart from that kids need to learn by doing. If we micro manage them they will end up weak and without the skills to work things out for themselves.

The other thing is that this is your husbands area to deal with not yours. He should be the one asking them to get ready for bed and dealing with the play fighting if it gets out of control.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's normal. However, adults have a responsibility to monitor the LEVEL of play, just like you'd do with dogs.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

First off it is normal. I'm a twin and we wrestled constantly. But you do have a point. You and your husband should decide what exactly the rule are and then HE needs to implement them. Step parent should not have to be the bad guy.

So if you and hubby agree to how it should be then he has to step up or he's not doing his job. Very simple. Just make sure the rules allow for them to be boys but at the same time is something they have to respect.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Thanks. It's just so weird to me that the older one still wants to do that. 
I think he needs to put limits on it, like if they are supposed to be getting ready for bed it's off limits.
Maybe we'll get some mats to put in the basement for them.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Thanks. It's just so weird to me that the older one still wants to do that.
> I think he needs to put limits on it, like if they are supposed to be getting ready for bed it's off limits.
> Maybe we'll get some mats to put in the basement for them.


I bought two huge wrestling mats from the local high school for $300 and covered my whole garage for my youngest son. He was into MMA but it worked out nice for me and my brother to do P90x as well. They would have costed $3,000 or more new.

But it's not weird for boys to like wrestling a lot into their teenage years. At least if it is, my brother and I were weird and my sons at 24, 23, and 21 are weird now.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If the 8 year old gets hurt there'll be a problem.
The age difference even if they are equally sized, is too much.
One clearly has an advantage. 
They should be wrestling under supervision, not in a bedroom where stuff can fall and shatter, heads can get banged against furniture. 
I advise to have a talk with the 14 year old and explain legal consequences if 8 year old gets hurt. It's a huge liability, and as a legally responsible adult, you're the one who is responsible. 

Document and abate.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is very normal behavior. I'm from a family of 8... both the girls and the boys used to do this. 

What you can do it to manage it. 

Since the both like this kind of activity, why not put them in martial arts classes. The classes will teach them discipline and control. How to wrestle/"fight" and not hurt each other. How to not let it go on to the point where they hurt each other and end up angry.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

They are both in wrestling. They weigh almost the same, the older one is tall and skinny, younger is husky. 
I think they like to use their moves on each other. Usually they are laughing like crazy while this is going on. 
I am afraid of them getting hurt. I also think that the younger one wants his brother's attention more and older bro isn't into playing with him as much as he used to be. 
So he resorts to getting physical with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> They are both in wrestling. They weigh almost the same, the older one is tall and skinny, younger is husky.
> 
> I think they like to use their moves on each other. Usually they are laughing like crazy while this is going on.
> 
> ...


The things taught in martial arts are very different than what it taught in wrestling. That's if you find a very good martial arts instructor.

You might be right that a lot of this is the younger one looking for attention from his older brother. 

Could you encourage other activities that they both do together to fill that need for attention and bonding. Maybe things like a family game night? Family hiking? etc


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That IS how boys have fun, testing themselves like that. If you sense younger one wants to have more time with older one, why don't you come up with some other things you guys can do as a family? Picnics, camping, go karts, etc.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

We do all kinds of things like that. It's just they used to be like psychic twins and now that testosterone has come into the picture they don't have as much in common. 
We were watching This is 40, and the little girl says to the older one "you're not as much fun since your body changed."
I think it's the same thing with them.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

All three kids like to hide and scare each other, lock each other in the basement. We threatened to take the lock off because they wouldn't stop.
They are something.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Sounds like perfectly normal behaviour to me. My brothers and I were always wrestleing / scaring each other as we grew up. I would like to tell you they will grow out of it but I was arm wrestleing one off my brothers when I saw him at Christmas and we are both in our 40's now.

Just get your husband to lay down a few ground rules (not after 8pm / not on the furnature).


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Wrestling is fine. Wrestling in the house is not fine. I had three boys and they'd wrestled and play fight constantly. But I also had a rule (No wrestling in the house).

Tell your husband to set the rule and then do his job. You should only need to remind them on occasion but but he's supposed to be the one to step up and enforce it. Maybe he's passive or in the cool dad zone but that has to change if you don't want them destroying the walls, furniture, etc or jabbing a bed post somewhere unpleasant.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Ours are 6 and 7 and they wrestle all of the time. It is my SO's favorite thing to watch them. He says it's like two kittens rolling around with each other. At 30 he is usually involved in it too. He starts wrestling with them and then they try to "save" each other from him. It's cute but I just close my eyes and cringe sometimes.

When I was a teen I babysat for this woman who had three boys and they were always beating the crap out of each other. I hated it and told my mom to tell her I was busy if she ever called again. I think I lasted 3 or 4 nights with those kids before quitting. Now I have three boys and that is my life I guess lol.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

it's all normal. look at how puppies play. it's no different. my brothers and I used to beat the snot out of each other. we'd get hurt sometimes (stitches from a head to the edge of the dresser comes to mind), no big deal.

It's what boys do.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Soifon said:


> Ours are 6 and 7 and they wrestle all of the time. It is my SO's favorite thing to watch them. He says it's like two kittens rolling around with each other. At 30 he is usually involved in it too. He starts wrestling with them and then they try to "save" each other from him. It's cute but I just close my eyes and cringe sometimes.


Oh yea when they're young it it fun. It's when they are teenagers that it sounds like the house is falling down.


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