# wanting to be more intimate



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I dont know if its because im now a stay at home mum or if its just my age lol !! but im finding myself wanting to be more intimate with my husband.I just now need to learn how to tell him that i want more sex ...why do i find this so hard ... any ideas
We have been married for 18 years and ive never been able to initiate sex ( i know that must sound crazy) but im getting frustrated at myself.
its like a mental block .


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

i know what i have to say ...it just when i come to say it i cant ha ha !!! i know it sounds crazy ..


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I know he would be totally blown away if i could do that i know i have to try.. i was brave once and wrote it on a letter for him ...i chickened out at the last minute ..


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

Put on your best duds, give him a big hug and say. "I'm feeling really hormonal." with a pouty sigh. Then lean in and whisper in his ear "Are you feeling hormonal too?". If that doesn't work then , he's either gay, stressed out at work, has a medical condition, addicted to internet porn, or he's having an affair.

When he goes for it, do something to impress and condition him that your having sex. Ring a bell, hang knickers on the doorknob, draw the blinds, light a candle and set it on the dresser, put on that one album at low volume. Repeat this the next few times and soon it will be as simple as lighting a candle or the sound of drawing the blinds that will trigger his pavlovian response to initiate. 

You can even condition him for different kinds of sex. You can use the candle for slow and tender, ring the bell when you want to exchange favors, or hang the knickers when you want him to be adventurous and have his way with you. The first few times you will have to show him how you want it, but after that it will be instinctive.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> I know he would be totally blown away if i could do that i know i have to try.. i was brave once and wrote it on a letter for him ...i chickened out at the last minute ..


Does it make you uncomfortable to ask or are you afraid of rejection?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> i know what i have to say ...it just when i come to say it i cant ha ha !!! i know it sounds crazy ..


On the humorous side, I would recommend just tapping him on the shoulder and when you have his attention gesture by doing fist pumps and hip thrusts. This nonverbal communication is universal and your husband should be able to easily determine motive, intent, and next steps.

On the serious side, I would echo Amp's question. Take a look at yourself, or even better, enter the discussion with your husband that you have difficulty or are uncomfortable with expressing desire or sexuality. Being able to talk about the issue instead of the sex, may lead to a resolution of both.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Thanks guys .. i dont think its fear of being rejected ,hes always saying that he would like me to take control sometimes .. i think its me feeling uncomfortable in how to do that or knowing what to say with out feeling stupid ..


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I have a few friends round and they think it would be a good idea to video myself telling my husband that i want to be more intimate and telling him just to push play !! not to sure could that work ?
we do have a fantastic love life i just want to be able to initiate sex i always leave it for him to start .


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Why tell him at all HD? Just get naked and walk around the house...he will get the idea.  Do lots of bending over...etc....play around...he will come running.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> I have a feeling if you were to do a survey among the men on this board alone, probably 99% (we have to factor in the divorced and homosexual males ) of them would be ecstatic to hear their wives say what you just said. You could probably say, "Hun, I'd like more sex." He'd say, "Let's Go!":woohoo:


I must be married to the 1%. I usually want it more..he is usually too tired...too stressed, etc. I am always chasing him.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

humpty dumpty-
Can you articulate what your main fear is? What's stopping you. Tell us the worst thing that could happen. Go into detail.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Its so hard to put into words, im usally really confident it just when it comes to saying things like im really horney lets go upstairs i can think it type it but i cant say it !!
the worst thing that could happen.. well i suppose it would be no thanks !!
The thing is i know he would be over the moon if i could say something like that to his face ..you know ive been in bed and been so crazy for him and ive let him go to sleep !! that s just not right is it?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

mind you thinking back there was one time where i did get dressed up nice undies etc stockings the works to surprise him to find that he had gone to sleep !!! should of woke him up lol.
I dont know he has said he likes it when ive had a drink because i relax more.. maybe i just need to take the plunge and go for it ..


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

He did have a affair 6 years ago and i suppose deep down that still plays on my mind, He has never really talked to me about why he had the affair apart from it was offered and he had was a little drunk.. 
i dont know maybe i need to go to some some sort of counselling .


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> He did have a affair 6 years ago and i suppose deep down that still plays on my mind, He has never really talked to me about why he had the affair apart from it was offered and he had was a little drunk..
> i dont know maybe i need to go to some some sort of counselling .


Were you better at initiating before the affair?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Hes the only person i have slepted with and ive kinda learnt from him .before his affair id be really happy to tell him that i needed him right now or even give him that look , but i seem to struggle now.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

So have we hit the true reason now, or do we need to dig deeper?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I think deep down id really like to know what he got from her that he wasnt getting from me , he has been so reluctant to talk about it apart from saying it was a big mistake, ok i can forgive and i have we all do things at times that we regret ..i cant forget because it still plays on my mind 6 years later .. 

Reading back i guess im worried that he enjoyed being with her more then he does with me ,so i hold back to stop myself from getting hurt..

My heads a mess i really dont know .
thanks for your imput


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> My heads a mess i really dont know .
> thanks for your imput


But if it's just in your head that's good right?

Is it time to let go and move on, possibly via a heart to heart with him? If you can't share your biggest fears with him, then you will not be experiencing the true heights of intimacy.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Thanks Mark Its in my head yes , I guess that im scared that if i did share my fears with him i wouldnt like the answers.
The children are out this afternoon so i guess its a good time to brave it out.. just how do you start these sort of conversations ?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Thanks mommy22
I know he chose me and we have a great love life /sex life !! all initiated by my husband, Its like ive built a barrier to keep myself from any rejection ..I know im safe if he initates but if i do ... its leaving myself open for rejection. i guess id reallt like to know what he got from her ,but i know he wont share that with me and i know i have to move on ..
gonna have to tread carefully this afternoon and talk because i want to be able to initiate at times with out thinking affair !!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

:FIREdevil::woohoo::ezpi_wink1:

THANKS GUYS


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Hello to you all i just wanted to say a big thankyou for you all for helping my wife its so good to have her back properly just thank my lucky stars that carol ( humpty) choose to forgive me and to all men thinking of having a affair look very closely to what you have !!

A very happy husband


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Now all i need to find out about is this semen retention thing is it worth trying ?


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Humpty's Hubby...

"Now all i need to find out about is this semen retention thing is it worth trying ?"

I was just going to tell you how the semen retention has improved things for my Hubby and I.

Well, our story is a bit different, but I'll give you a short run down.

We used to have a pretty good sex life, it took a dive, really it stopped altogether while I was preggers with our son. Well, after I had him, it never got back to normal. He is now 22 months old. To make matters even harder, my Hubby has very low Testosterone , was hovering at last check (it's been a while, we should get him tested again) around 290... normal is a range between 450-800... so you see why we were having an issue! 

He could though, still get normal erections, if we had sex, it is just that he never had the drive to do it, understandably. Plus, he's got a high stress job, and we've got young kids. So, all in all, it was a nightmare of a situation for sex.

Well, I told Mark Twain about all this, and he suggested the retention. My hubby agreed to try it, and it's done wonders for us! Hubby's drive is up a bit, and he actually says he thinks about sex during the day, while he's at work and such, which he had all but stopped doing.

We just have sex, and instead of him finishing, he holds back , and doesn't allow himself to cum. We do this for days, and he doesn't finish,,, then when he either can't take it anymore, or wants that feeling, he finally lets himself cum, and he says it is even more intense than a normal ejaculation, which are already fairly intense.

We usually go at it, and if he gets close , I jump off, we wait a few minutes, and then we resume ... also oral sex works great with this technique. He is able to have great control over when he cums. It's mind boggling that he can control himself to that level, and it makes the finality of it, when he finally does cum days later, all the more rewarding, and intense. 

The last time he came, he was on the verge of hyperventalating,, in fact, every time he's cum since we started doing this (not many times, as we most of the time use the retention method) he's gone nuts, trying not to scream so the kids don't hear us.

He also said, that he's awakened with more morning wood than he used to, and that he has started getting spontaneous erections, this happened once or twice at work, Haha.... thankfully he was in his office, with no one else around! ;-)

Anyway, our sex life isn't perfect, but it's Definitely improved a lot, and we are planning on going to the docs, to see if his T levels are any better. He says he feels better all around. It's not healthy for a man to not have sex, or ejaculations. Well, in that regard, it's not healthy for women either. 

Anyway, give it a try, can't hurt anything! ;-) let us know how it goes , if you and humpty try it! 

Take care,  Marina72


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Thanks for your input marina, certainly sounds worth a go . We have a good love life and sex life i do think they are different i love making love to my wife but i also love having sex with her .And always looking to try new things thanks


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

WOW !! WOW !! WOW !! WOW !! WOW !! WOW !!  WELL WORTH THE TRY !! we have always had a ok ish sex life but the last week as been totally awesome  

I actually feel a lot closer to my husband and he has this grin on his face as if to say wait till later


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