# Okay heres the latest.....



## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

I guess Im starting a new thread. Wish I could stick to a thread like corpus or wren or ash. Anyway xmas came and went and I dont think I told the story but my h and family were here for dinner and he lost his cell phone and wanted to borrow one of the kids but ended up taking his moms. Well I guess he forgot I was paying that bill too so long story short I got what I was looking for the whole time which was cell phone records. I find it hard to believe he is getting any work done at all as much time as he spends on the phone with HER. It was bad. I looked at the logs on line. He was texting her while over here xmas day while I cooked and hosted his family. They are talking on the corporate 800 toll free number at least two hours a day. Now I know her name. I also am pretty sure shes married because there are no after hour calls and she makes all the calls. Texts are even but not after hours. Keep in mind he is by himself now so she can call him whenever. Anyway my question is what would any of you do now? Anything? Would you just say whew glad Im not with that a&& anymore? Would u start some shi+? I did have a friend call and ask for her today so they wouldnt know who was calling. Five minutes later my h texts me and says "are you calling someone at the corporate office". I just said "what"? then he text back nevermind. I need feedback.... Im pissed and I want to wreak havock but I want cheering or condemnation...Bring it...I need it either way. Thankyou.
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## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

I have to ask, what would be accomplished by confronting your H?
Keep it for yourself if you need to present it in court.

I've seen the tit for tat routine. Never really ever see anything good to come from it.

Rant and rave to us.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

How did you get so smart millmant. Seems like yesterday we were talking bout makes me feel like a stranger in my own house. Your right no purpose would be served but seriously if shes married dont you think her h should know? 
How are you doing?
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## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

noideato20 said:


> How did you get so smart militant. Seems like yesterday we were talking bout makes me feel like a stranger in my own house. Your right no purpose would be served but seriously if shes married dint you think her h should know?
> How are you doing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My profession, I have many clients and friends that have gone through the big ugly "D" plus I got to watch my baby sister do this. Most of them all have a common theme that I picked up on and realize some of the things done, nothing was ever really gained except for more hatred. 

Even if the other person is married, letting the other person's H know, well it might shut down this relationship, what's to stop your H from finding another one? Like I said earlier, the tit for tat routine, nobody ever really wins.

Myself, I'm holding out for the moment. But really haven't got down to the dirty stuff like the legal stuff. For the moment, I just want to get through the new year and start moving forward as much as it tears me emotionally apart. 

As I mentioned earlier, my sister and her new husband have gone through divorce. For me, it's been great sound board to get a female and male perspective with my situation. I may be an older dog, but always willing to learn a new trick.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

I hate it when people make sense. Again your right. I think for the most part Im hurting, rejected and probably want to strike out. I think I would be better served with a kick but not to the girls husband I know his pain is coming. I just need encouragement to have compassion and forgivness when all I can feel is hate and betrayal. Man this is hard. Not for the faint of heart.
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## marilee (Jul 24, 2009)

I totally disagree. 

Do you want to be an accomplice to the affair? By keeping the secret you are now part of the betrayal to the other spouse.

Her husband needs to be told - not as tit for tat or to punish her - but to be able to make an informed decision about his life, his marriage, his family, his health and his finances. 

How would you feel if you found out that the other betrayed spouse knew all along and never told you - kept it hidden from you? 

Every betrayed spouse has the right to know.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

marilee I see your point and also thankyou for posting on my other thread. I want to tell but im trying to make sure it wouldnt be just to ..... you know like misery loves company. I truly dont know what to do from here. Im not certain shes married but the call schedule leads me to believe she is. I dont know thats why im asking. but dont you feel like it would be mean spirited. also has this happened to you or someone you know
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## marilee (Jul 24, 2009)

Well, I don't think you should do it for revenge. I think you should do it because her husband deserves to know, poor man. 

My husband was having an emotional affair. I suspected but didn't have any solid proof. I'd known for months that something was going on but couldn't pin it down - and was starting to wonder if I was completely insane - that is precisely how my husband wanted me to feel, as though all of my questions and doubts were the product of an overly active imagination - as though everything I suspected was absolutely crazy. I was a complete emotional mess. 

Finally, FINALLY, the OW's husband contacted me on Facebook - he had a few emails he thought I would be interested in reading. He felt it would be disrespectful not to let me know what was going on - to let them continue to carry on behind my back. We were both owed the truth. I'm so grateful that he gave it to me. 

(My husband and I are separated, but are working on reconciliation. He is very remorseful and has cut off all contact with the woman, wants to go to counseling, etc., etc., - but I'm not sure I can trust him/forgive him.)


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi, 
so sorry about the new info, I know we always like to not think the worst and then when we realize it's true we get mad at them and ourselves. I wouldn't do anything even though I would want to. I would not want to be any part of hurting someone else(other woman's husband and maybe kids, who knows) That will have to be something your husband and his OW should be responsible for.
Now at least you know and any hope should vanish and it should be easier to set your mind at ease that you are moving in the right direction.
Just conduct yourself with class and integrity and hold your head up high.
vent here when you have your moments of anger. 
That's what I do and it is helping me.


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## marilee (Jul 24, 2009)

Being a party to hiding the affair IS hurting the other spouse. 

If you know his wife is running around on him and you keep silent, you are a co-conspirator. 

That's JMHO. I realize that when we're in this situation sometimes we can only deal with our own lives and hurts, and can't handle having to tell the other spouse - I get that. 

But I don't buy the argument that it is somehow taking the high ground not to tell the other spouse. It's not.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Geez Im still confused. I dont have his number yet though I only have hers so I guess I will sit on the information for a while and see what happens. Today I got home and he was parked in my space and in the house. I didnt like it. He was in what is now my bedroom. I just looked at him. Thats not right hes not gonna have his apt and my house. There has to be boundries and I have to have my own private place. I understand the kids are here but he knew that would make me mad. Thats why I asked him to give me the housekey when he left. I dont mean to seem like a biatch but I had his family over here and everything for christmas. I just really dont feel like he belongs here any more.
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## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

marilee said:


> Well, I don't think you should do it for revenge. I think you should do it because her husband deserves to know, poor man.


marilee, well said. After I re read my post, I failed to mention doing it for revenge. Sometimes when I write, the thought is there, but the fingers type what they want.


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## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

noideato20 said:


> Geez Im still confused. I dont have his number yet though I only have hers so I guess I will sit on the information for a while and see what happens. Today I got home and he was parked in my space and in the house. I didnt like it. He was in what is now my bedroom. I just looked at him. Thats not right hes not gonna have his apt and my house. There has to be boundries and I have to have my own private place. I understand the kids are here but he knew that would make me mad. Thats why I asked him to give me the housekey when he left. I dont mean to seem like a biatch but I had his family over here and everything for christmas. I just really dont feel like he belongs here any more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 So where does he see the kids? At his apartment or a netural location? Has that been arranged?


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

The 17 yr old drives so he can see him whenever he usually goes by there to watch sports whatever. Now the 12 yr old he has been taking him to school still. He moved out a month ago today and he has not taken him to see his apt or come by to get him for anything. Funny to me how he has time to talk to her on the phone for as long as 92 minutes and text her here at the house on xmas day with family over here up to twenty times but he cant make time for the little one. He knows very well that I would have no problem with him taking him anytime to spend the night or anything. All he has to do is pick up the phone and say im coming to get him. I dont and never will have any problem with his parenting. The problem is that he is so wrapped up with this girl that thats all he can think about. He never did much with the kids anyway when he was here. He literally just worked then home then tv for six straight hours but if he cant see that he is going to have to make time for them than he really has lost his mind.
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## millmant (Dec 23, 2009)

noideato20 said:


> The 17 yr old drives so he can see him whenever he usually goes by there to watch sports whatever. Now the 12 yr old he has been taking him to school still. He moved out a month ago today and he has not taken him to see his apt or come by to get him for anything. Funny to me how he has time to talk to her on the phone for as long as 92 minutes and text her here at the house on xmas day with family over here up to twenty times but he cant make time for the little one. He knows very well that I would have no problem with him taking him anytime to spend the night or anything. All he has to do is pick up the phone and say im coming to get him. I dont and never will have any problem with his parenting. The problem is that he is so wrapped up with this girl that thats all he can think about. He never did much with the kids anyway when he was here. He literally just worked then home then tv for six straight hours but if he cant see that he is going to have to make time for them than he really has lost his mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Until he has the desire to spend more time with the kids, his priority will be that other girl. 

Maybe at the younger age, he doesn't have the ability like a mom does to relate to that age and it turns him off.

He probably doesn't want the kids at the apt just yet because he still hasn't or won't share his new space with the kids. Who knows as I'm only putting my thoughts.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Yeah I know he probably has his reasons. As you can tell I am still just angry because I dont understand that mentality of throwing everybody under the bus so you can chat with someone. I mean I have tried to read everything I can about it but this is not the same man I lived with for eighteen years. It just still continues to blow me away that he walked away from everything for something that doesnt even seem real. I mean if shes not even able to talk to him at night whats the point. I throw my hand up. Im still sticking with trying to carry on as usual for the kids but I think I am beginning to get to the point of not bending to him any longer. The point is he kind of thought life would go on as usual except for me and him. Things dont work like that in reality we not going steady in jr high. He changed everyones life just so he could live out his litle fantasy and be happy and scruue everybody else. I say grow up. Its like a said I will probably never understand it. I guess im at the hard part now which is accepting it and moving on. I think Im gonna need help with that one.
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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

I am just sick of this I was on my way home and then I just started bawling again Up and down up and down Im exhausted and have to stay hidden away so the kids wont see me cry.
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