# 39 years old ...almost 18 years married



## Cherrybomber (Apr 11, 2020)

Hi there! I am 39 yrs old and have been married for almost 18 years. We have two kids, and yes, I have gained weight since we first met. In the beginning my husband used to give me oral sex all the time! Even after a workout, he would still go down on me. Now, honestly I can’t remember the last time he’s gone down on me. I give him a BJ, or at least go down on him several times a week. But he just doesn’t. I know he’s mentioned how hard it is to breathe sometimes but for us ladies, we can sometimes have those issues while giving a BJ. Doesn’t mean we don’t. Question is, is there a big difference between giving oral to a skinny wife or one whose gained some weight over the years? I work out, but I’m still overweight yet. But I’m in the military I’m not that over weight. I don’t want to ask why he doesn’t anymore- scared to hear his answer I guess. What are the thoughts of the males here as to what I am doing wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't know that you are doing anything wrong.

Mrs. Conan's weight went up a lot when she quit smoking years ago.

I love giving oral and can't imagine sex without it but if a woman has too much extra, certain positions have to be done carefully.

Your husband should be able to go down on you without any problems with you on your back. You can even prop your hips up with a pillow for better access and/or be close to the edge of the bed with your legs over his arms/shoulders.

Now sitting in the queen position with your legs on either side of his head can be tricky for heavier ladies. You can still do this but you have to really be careful.

The best way is if you lean forward and support yourself on the wall or head board of your bed so your weight isn't directly above his head and you don't have to rely that much on leg strength to keep your weight off his head. This still gives him great access to your goodies and you don't have to worry about keeping your legs solid when you are getting close and orgasming.


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## Cherrybomber (Apr 11, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I don't know that you are doing anything wrong.
> 
> Mrs. Conan's weight went up a lot when she quit smoking years ago.
> 
> ...


I’m guessing it’s not about position but more about being sexually attracted to me. I mean I assume so - what else can I assume if my sexual satisfaction is no longer a concern. I guess it makes me feel very bad about myself when your own husband refuses to perform oral sex, but asks this morning , “do you want to suck the xxx out of my &[email protected]?”. 

Yup, I do... but should I when the favor is NEVER returned. I hate to even use the word favor, it’s not a favor I do it to make him happy and show affection. Lost for words... 🥺


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. 


Cherrybomber said:


> I’m guessing it’s not about position but more about being sexually attracted to me. I mean I assume so - what else can I assume if my sexual satisfaction is no longer a concern. I guess it makes me feel very bad about myself when your own husband refuses to perform oral sex, but asks this morning , “do you want to suck the xxx out of my &[email protected]?”.
> 
> Yup, I do... but should I when the favor is NEVER returned. I hate to even use the word favor, it’s not a favor I do it to make him happy and show affection. Lost for words... 🥺


Ok, you two need a little come to Jesus talk.

This needs to be addressed even if it is uncomfortable for both of you.

He is behaving selfishly and that will deteriorate your marriage while continuing to make you feel less sexy and it will start to impact your libido.

He needs to know how this is making you feel about yourself and him.

I'm for being healthy so if you're at a healthy weight and can't get thinner do to however your biology is at the moment, he needs to understand that this is it and adapt or your marriage might be the casualty.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

So are you asking and he is saying no? Or is it that he just stop doing it and there was no conversation about it? 

There is a big difference with the two.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Have you tried a pillow under your butt, as @ConanHub mentioned? Makes a huge difference, even if not overweight. But especially if one is a bit heavier. What happens if you talk "dirty?" As in, my pus** needs attention. 

Do you "O" through PIV sex or just oral? Have you tried anything different down there, perhaps some landscaping?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Cherrybomber said:


> Hi there! I am 39 yrs old and have been married for almost 18 years. We have two kids, and yes, I have gained weight since we first met. In the beginning my husband used to give me oral sex all the time! Even after a workout, he would still go down on me. Now, honestly I can’t remember the last time he’s gone down on me. I give him a BJ, or at least go down on him several times a week. But he just doesn’t. I know he’s mentioned how hard it is to breathe sometimes but for us ladies, we can sometimes have those issues while giving a BJ. Doesn’t mean we don’t. Question is, is there a big difference between giving oral to a skinny wife or one whose gained some weight over the years? I work out, but I’m still overweight yet. But I’m in the military I’m not that over weight. I don’t want to ask why he doesn’t anymore- scared to hear his answer I guess. What are the thoughts of the males here as to what I am doing wrong.


What you are doing wrong is assuming that you are doing something wrong. This is his issue. But it affects you. Both of my wives are are the larger size, one more so than the other. And yes there can be issues breathing if you don't do thing right. But there are ways around it. He just has to find out what works for him.

The big question is why did this suddenly become an issue? you need to sit down at some point when there is not tension and not right before or after sexy fun time, and discuss it. Make sure he understands that you are not getting your needs met. And be willing to listen and consider if he brings up needs of his not getting met.

Also, thank you for your service, from a Navy vet.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Cherrybomber said:


> Hi there! I am 39 yrs old and have been married for almost 18 years. We have two kids, and yes, I have gained weight since we first met. In the beginning my husband used to give me oral sex all the time! Even after a workout, he would still go down on me. Now, honestly I can’t remember the last time he’s gone down on me. I give him a BJ, or at least go down on him several times a week. But he just doesn’t. I know he’s mentioned how hard it is to breathe sometimes but for us ladies, we can sometimes have those issues while giving a BJ. Doesn’t mean we don’t. Question is, is there a big difference between giving oral to a skinny wife or one whose gained some weight over the years? I work out, but I’m still overweight yet. But I’m in the military I’m not that over weight. I don’t want to ask why he doesn’t anymore- scared to hear his answer I guess. What are the thoughts of the males here as to what I am doing wrong.


Surely a different position than you used to do would ensure he can breath as much as he likes. Personally I do not think it is your weight. I think he just sees it as he gets what he wants whether he returns the favour or not and so opts for not. I think you need to ask him directly to go down on you. "I feel like I need........." then when he has done a good job of it Sing abou how good that performance was. Sing it over the next few weeks and ask for a repeat when he is himself highly charged. 

I might even tell you why not if he does not want to do it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You wont know until you ask. It could be
1. he is no longer attracted to you.
2. He is no longer attracted to you because of weight issues
3. He is just a selfish lover and doesn't want to put in the effort


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## Kissfreak1973 (Apr 21, 2020)

Cherrybomber said:


> Hi there! I am 39 yrs old and have been married for almost 18 years. We have two kids, and yes, I have gained weight since we first met. In the beginning my husband used to give me oral sex all the time! Even after a workout, he would still go down on me. Now, honestly I can’t remember the last time he’s gone down on me. I give him a BJ, or at least go down on him several times a week. But he just doesn’t. I know he’s mentioned how hard it is to breathe sometimes but for us ladies, we can sometimes have those issues while giving a BJ. Doesn’t mean we don’t. Question is, is there a big difference between giving oral to a skinny wife or one whose gained some weight over the years? I work out, but I’m still overweight yet. But I’m in the military I’m not that over weight. I don’t want to ask why he doesn’t anymore- scared to hear his answer I guess. What are the thoughts of the males here as to what I am doing wrong.


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## Kissfreak1973 (Apr 21, 2020)

There is no difference in skinny or overweight women 
My wife is overweight and that is my favorite thing to do to her is eat her out


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## 343663 (Apr 22, 2020)

If you desire a good licking, and he isn't doing it, then i agree that a convo needs had. And until it happens maybe consider not going down on him. It is a give and take matter after all. 
My situation is a little different, as my wife is willing to go down, but doesn't want the favor returned, despite my eagerness to do it. 
So, i can't really say if this tactic will work. But just know that there's plenty of hungry tongues out there that would be willing to do the job.


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

Tell him what you want, tell him how much it means to you, ask him if there is anything you can do to make it more appealing for him. Just be honest, ask for what you want and work together towards finding a solution.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Given that I have never been down on a woman, I can't address the breathing / weight question... but I agree with the need for a come to Jesus moment. What's this really about with him? And yes, it's him. Because if it's position related, he could still be willing and suggest different positions. The 'willing' part is what is in question. When he wants you to go down, why not a mutual session (69)? ...again, comes back to where his mind is at, given this has been part of his repertoire with you in the past.


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