# Loss of a child/children



## jerwings

Hello,....I just wanted to come here and post a statement , that perhaps may help other people. My wife and I have traveled a journey, that no parent ever wants to travel. We ( in our time together ) have lost all 3 of our children, to natural causes of death. ( can explain more later)...My point of coming here , is possibly helping someone else with a similar journey . I would be more than happy to comment . thank you !


----------



## DanF

I am so sorry for your loss. My wife and I lost our daughter a little over a year ago, so I can understand some of what you are feeling. I would love to talk more to you about this concerning the emotions you and your wife went through regarding the whole situation.
Kind of a note comparison, I guess, if you are willing.

Thanks so much for sharing.


----------



## jerwings

Hi Dan,
Our emotions as you can expect, have been up and down. We have strong faith that keeps us in check so to speak. We actuall have been through just about each kind of loss. Our 1st loss was our son Jason, who in 1987 was born sleeping. Our 2nd loss was a 12 week miscarriage. Our 3rd loss, our son Jerry, who was born in 1981 with special needs and passed away in 1996, at the age of 14 from pneaumonia. Our 4th and most recent loss, was our daughter Tiffany, who was born in 1991 with special needs, and passed away about a year and a half ago ( november 30 2009) from dialated cardiomyopathy, at the age of 18. Our faith and the love for our children and each other is what keeps us going.


----------



## 827Aug

I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine. Some of us don't realize how blessed we are until we are reminded. Thanks for reminding us.

Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalms 30:5). May you and your wife soon experience joy and God Bless both of you.


----------



## DanF

Jerwings, we had a daughter that was born with Rett Syndrome. She wasn't expected to live through puberty, but with a lot of help and hard work, she was with us until she was 24 years old.
My wife and I were devastated, of course, but less than a year earlier, we went through some marital problems and got ourselves straight. Without that, I doubt our marriage would have survived the loss of our daughter. We grieve, we cry, but mostly we remember happy times and laugh or smile when remembering our amazing little girl.
I have seen too many marriages break up after the loss of a child and swore that loosing my wife was not an option.
We are so in love now. We have each other to lean on and help each other through the rough days.
I know that without my wife, I'd be a basket case and she says the same thing about me.
All I can say to anyone that has to go through this is try to be positive, pray a lot and try to be the person that your son or daughter worshiped and things can be good again.


----------



## typewittyusernamehere

My first daughter passed away in 1999. She was four months old. My ex-husband divorced me last October, we have joint custody of our 5 year old daughter. The time away from her crushes me. A lot of people say, "now you have some free time one the weekends" & I want to punch them in the face. It has been a year since we have split custody, and it hasn't gotten any easier. I feel I was robbed of watching my first daughter grow up, and now I am being robbed of half of my second daughters life. Some weekends I can barely get out of bed, I miss her so much.


----------



## Dove83

My wife and I split up a month ago over small fights about everything and most was hormones and some not but yesterday she told me she had a miscarriage. I'm now dealing with that and her wanting a divorce. The pain is too much at times but I'm taking it a day at a time.


----------



## Mrs.G

DanF said:


> Jerwings, we had a daughter that was born with Rett Syndrome. She wasn't expected to live through puberty, but with a lot of help and hard work, she was with us until she was 24 years old.
> My wife and I were devastated, of course, but less than a year earlier, we went through some marital problems and got ourselves straight. Without that, I doubt our marriage would have survived the loss of our daughter. We grieve, we cry, but mostly we remember happy times and laugh or smile when remembering our amazing little girl.
> I have seen too many marriages break up after the loss of a child and swore that loosing my wife was not an option.
> We are so in love now. We have each other to lean on and help each other through the rough days.
> I know that without my wife, I'd be a basket case and she says the same thing about me.
> All I can say to anyone that has to go through this is try to be positive, pray a lot and try to be the person that your son or daughter worshiped and things can be good again.


I have worked extensively with disabled children and teenagers. A woman living to 24 with Rett's is amazing. Good that you and your wife grieved together and pulled each other through. Grief is a helpless keening for the loved one. 

I am here because my parents had a 10 day old boy that passed away in 1980. Jason would have been SEVERELY handicapped if he lived. My mother went into a dark depression and my father took her to a doctor. The doctor told them that having another baby would rid them of their pain. My father looked at his wife and said, "I've always wanted a girl."

Mrs.G was born two years later.


----------



## golfergirl

Mrs.G said:


> I have worked extensively with disabled children and teenagers. A woman living to 24 with Rett's is amazing. Good that you and your wife grieved together and pulled each other through. Grief is a helpless keening for the loved one.
> 
> I am here because my parents had a 10 day old boy that passed away in 1980. Jason would have been SEVERELY handicapped if he lived. My mother went into a dark depression and my father took her to a doctor. The doctor told them that having another baby would rid them of their pain. My father looked at his wife and said, "I've always wanted a girl."
> 
> Mrs.G was born two years later.


I lost a daughter at 26 weeks pregnant due to potter's syndrome in 2006. She lived 17 minutes. I still cry over her sometimes and always feel like one is missing. My heart goes out to people who have experienced so many losses!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## amIalone

My wife and I lost our daughter to SIDS last January. We have been having marital issues and I don't blame it on that, but I realize that it could be a big factor in it. There have also been two miscarriages as well since. She won't go to a therapist and after losing my daughter I feel if I lose her I won't have anything left.


----------



## golfergirl

amIalone said:


> My wife and I lost our daughter to SIDS last January. We have been having marital issues and I don't blame it on that, but I realize that it could be a big factor in it. There have also been two miscarriages as well since. She won't go to a therapist and after losing my daughter I feel if I lose her I won't have anything left.


I am so sorry! Can you go to grief counseling together? Our loss has bonded my H and I even closer because we are the only two people who know how we feel. Again, my heart breaks for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ManDup

I lost a 6 month old son to heart problems from down syndrome in the 90's. I look back now and see that it was a dark turning point in a marriage that eventually ended. Even if you feel like you got through it, you might still want to get counseling. I used to look at counseling as a kind of failure in itself, which is of course ridiculous.


----------



## Runs like Dog

1990. An infant. In an accident.


----------



## Advocado

I am sorry to learn of all of your losses. I am blessed to have 3 children following 2 miscarriages. 

I think your posts should remind us never to take our children for granted, which is all too easy to do.

Thanks for sharing.


----------



## Michelle S.

The loss of a child is one of the most difficult ones to face, specially more so if it was an infant loss or a miscarriage. If you are not comfortable with counseling I would reccommend participating in a support group. Ask your family doctor for any local support groups. Usually these groups meet at a nearby neonatal or regular hospital. I am starting one here in Orlando at Florida Hospital at the beginning of July. Best of luck.


----------



## AloneInACrowd

I am so touched that you are all sharing this here. And honestly so grateful for my healthy daughter. As people who have lost a child/children, is there anything an outsider can do to help? 

My (adult) brother-in-law died recently and my in-laws are a mess. They are wonderful people and as tragic as the death was, watching their pain, on-going devastation, and slow degradation is almost more so. 

Mom copes by being busy and a bit in denial (though she had a lot of trouble sleeping and was prescribed anti-depressants, so she's having some professional monitoring), Dad still cries all of the time and says things like 'I have nothing to live for.' 

This obviously hurts my husband (his other child) and especially watching his Mom take on the burden that has become his father. He has mentioned to his Mom that his Dad should get some grief counseling, but they aren't people who believe in getting help with emotional things. Is there anything I can do as an outsider to the situation? Or anything I can suggest my husband do? I know this is a little corny, but even a good book I could give them about how to find a way to grieve, cope, and keep living?


----------



## unknownuser

My husband and I lost our 18 year old son to an accidental over dose a little over 5 years ago. It has been rough for the entire family. We've all gone through some pretty deep depression. Luckily it eventually starts to get a little easier. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

