# A long twisted story.. advice please!



## mdcorbin (Oct 14, 2009)

Ok, this is a bit of a twisty tale..

I meet a lovely girl in school who is married. We begin talking and studying together.. she is unhappy in her marriage. She married very young to get away from a troubled home. her husband is a troll at best.. she leaves him. We begin dating and are very happy, move in together and life is great. I develop a strong addiction to an online video game haha, and gain about 75 pounds. We are still living together at this point, for about 3 years now, still finishing pharmacy school up. I begin to suspect she is cheating on me, but i find no proof. Flash forward, we graduate, I tell her i need some space and we move back to our home town separated. I begin to realize how much i love and miss her, she is working on a PhD in another city.. I start to call her and we have a few dates. She is not sure she wants to be back together i ignored he so much for 2 years while we were in school and in another city. I feel like i have to lure her back, albeit still weighing about 65 pounds too much! Well we start dating a little and having sex again, then i blow her off one day while she is moving to a new apartment. I make her mad, she doesnt return my calls for a few days and i spend the fourth of july with my old friends. I tell them I am in love with her and i want to get married. An old "friend" tells me no, i shouldnt, she is a bad person. then he unloads that they were sleeping together while we lived together, this friend is married during all of this! I am shocked, but not buying all of it. He tells me she is sleeping with one of our professors during this too! Next morning i go to confront her.. our professors car is at her apartment! They were sleeping together that night, while the friend told me about it! I confront her, we work things out, she admits to sleeping with each of the men (both married) once. We marry, she has our child, then I find out a year later she was lying to me, that she had been sleeping with the friend for about a year! 

Now I am married to her for 3 years almost, and she is faithful and a great wife.. but i cant shake the anger and pain from finding out that she lied to me about all of it! She says she lied so i would forgive her and marry her. She has accused me of cheating, escpecially when i lost all the weight, i am 32 and wearing my clothes from highscool/college again. 

I just dont know what to do, i am ok for a few weeks, then i feel anger, hurt, shame.. i want to lash out, ask her why she did it! will she do it again? our teacher?!?!?! my old friend!?!?! i mean what do i do? i cant stay married to her with all this hate, but, it was awhile ago, 2005.... I just dont know what to do and i need help. I love her, but, i just cant forget. 

I think she would not cheat again.. but, do i really? do i just want to think that?


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## hoping (Sep 28, 2009)

you need to let go of the past... it's hard, i know, but you need to do it, not for her, for you, you obviously love her, you obviously care for her... at least in some small way, right? and stressng over this is only going to hurt you more and more.

their are some questions that you don't need answered, some times you just have to shrug and move on. but, that being said, you should never forget, and i would be a bit wary of any thing that seems fishy, at least for a while. if she is faithfull for a long time and things seems to be going great then let go, or try to. and, if that is to hard to do then perhaps seek help, it is hard to let go of soem things and that is one of them, that is why people are their to help you....

sorry i can't offer any better advice. i may be completly wrong, perhaps soem one else here has some thing better to offer? i don't know. but i hope that what i said helps at least in a small way...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Her modus operandi is to lie to you and cheat with more than one man at a time.

What more do you need to know about her that would make you trust her?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Let me get this straight - you entice this women into moving in with you and promptly:
- Get addicted to a game and totally ignore her
- Become awfully fat - another strong message that she doesn't matter

You treated her like dirt for a long time and then played the game of I love you, I love you not. And yes eventually she cheated. And somehow you feel like the injured party. 

I don't think so. I think you treated her at least as badly as she you. 

You need to ask her for her forgiveness for what you did wrong. Go to church and pray that you will learn to forgive her for what she did to you. 

You sound very very self absorbed. 




mdcorbin said:


> Ok, this is a bit of a twisty tale..
> 
> I meet a lovely girl in school who is married. We begin talking and studying together.. she is unhappy in her marriage. She married very young to get away from a troubled home. her husband is a troll at best.. she leaves him. We begin dating and are very happy, move in together and life is great. I develop a strong addiction to an online video game haha, and gain about 75 pounds. We are still living together at this point, for about 3 years now, still finishing pharmacy school up. I begin to suspect she is cheating on me, but i find no proof. Flash forward, we graduate, I tell her i need some space and we move back to our home town separated. I begin to realize how much i love and miss her, she is working on a PhD in another city.. I start to call her and we have a few dates. She is not sure she wants to be back together i ignored he so much for 2 years while we were in school and in another city. I feel like i have to lure her back, albeit still weighing about 65 pounds too much! Well we start dating a little and having sex again, then i blow her off one day while she is moving to a new apartment. I make her mad, she doesnt return my calls for a few days and i spend the fourth of july with my old friends. I tell them I am in love with her and i want to get married. An old "friend" tells me no, i shouldnt, she is a bad person. then he unloads that they were sleeping together while we lived together, this friend is married during all of this! I am shocked, but not buying all of it. He tells me she is sleeping with one of our professors during this too! Next morning i go to confront her.. our professors car is at her apartment! They were sleeping together that night, while the friend told me about it! I confront her, we work things out, she admits to sleeping with each of the men (both married) once. We marry, she has our child, then I find out a year later she was lying to me, that she had been sleeping with the friend for about a year!
> 
> ...


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am kinda seeing the problem more as you. You call her first husband a troll, what do you call yourself when you put on 75 pounds and ignored her for a video game? Would you be upset if she told you she was still holding on to her feelings from when you did that? What are the chances of you falling back into your old habits??

I do not condone cheating at all, but it seems like you have done the same amount of damage to her that she has done to you. You are both gonna have to sit down and see if you can work through it, but don't be shocked if she still has some unresolved anger with what YOU did as well.


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