# Moving-back-in drama!



## missb

Well, long story... me & my husband have been separated for the past 2 months. We've kept in close contact due to having a two year old, and me & my son have been staying with my aunt after my husband told me he wanted a divorce. Our main problems were I felt he didn't pay me enough attention, and he was oblivious to what responsibilities a family man has (still wanting to live the irresponsible man/boy life). My anger & emotions got way out of control and we were both miserable. I had been asking when he was going to divorce me & he kept saying he didn't know. A few weeks after I moved out, he moved all my stuff across the street to his dad's and moved 2 close buddies in. He says he was lonely and couldn't keep up the bills (his mom owns the place, the only bills are household utilities, etc.) Since then we talk occassionally, and take our son places on the weekend sometimes. 

I started to feel like he just wanted the best of both worlds, the family without the responsibility, so I told him I can't live in limbo like this and needed some straight answers. So last weekend we went out for coffee and had a very nice, mostly calm talk, in which I asked him if he wanted to give it another try. He kept saying he didn't know if things would work out, etc. I have truly been working on dealing with my issues- I've been working out, continuing counseling, getting new hobbies, & focusing on me the last 2 months. I said well if you don't want to try and don't think it can work, then I will have to deal with that, but please let me know now. He said he does want to try. I know he loves me & misses me & our son, he is just a very stubborn man and does not like to be pushed. He mentioned that his friends just moved in though, and while he would always choose family over friends, what was he supposed to do there? I told him we'll see how the next few weeks go and talk about it later. 

I told my aunt we were planning on working things out, but we wanted to take it slow, and she told me that she needs to know by the 1st of the year what my plans are. I haven't worn out my welcome but she said that I need to have a plan to either go back home or get an apartment (which I would never be able to afford on my own, I'd end up moving in with my mom, who I have a terrible relationship with.) I told him very casually that my aunt wants to know what my plans are by the 1st. He said okay, but looked upset.

I don't want to rush back into things, but I know we also need to move back in together before we will ever know if things are going to work. His friends were living with parents before they moved in, so it's not like they would be homeless if he gave them notice, probably just pissed off. I know this is going to be a major source of conflict for us in a few weeks, and it's stressing me out! I am also transferring to a university next fall, and I really need to know by March if this is reconciliation is going to work or not, or else I will miss out on the extra financial aid I will need if I'm going to end up being a single mom. I'd like to be already moved in by that time so I can see how things are going for us by then. I have a feeling he is going to ask me to move in with his friends still there, which I refuse to do. I don't think we have any chance of keeping things together with the added stress of his lazy friends living there. I question his commitment if he can't ask them to leave, and I don't want to reconcile anymore if he can't choose his family over not wanting to offend his friends. 

Any advice on how to handle this??


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