# Ladies, must your brain be turned off to be multi-Orgasmic?



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I was reading an article on "super orgasms" for women and it was an interesting read. The truth about the super orgasm - and what happened when I tried to have one

But the thing that jumped out at me was the following


> The academics also suggested that in order to have these magical orgasms women needed to “turn their brain off, to be less engaged and to let go.” Though, no news on any research from the University on how we’re supposed to manage that…


The above quote sort of confirms my own personal experience with my wife. 

One of the things that my wife has told me is that she really can't have anything on her mind otherwise she will not have an orgasm. If she is worried about a work project, if she has something she needs to do in the morning that she has to remember, if she is stressed about anything or needs to remember to buy eggs at the grocery store, it will kill her ability to have an orgasm. She now keeps a pen and pad of paper next to the bed on the night stand, so anything that she has to remember, can be written down and then forgotten. 

Our pre-coital routine is for her to snuggle on my chest, and have me lovingly and gently (as if trying to relax her to the point of sleep) massage her back, head, neck and shoulders. Only when she is totally relaxed does the foreplay start. She says it helps her focus on us and sex. She also tells me not to talk or say anything while she is trying to clear her mind.

Nothing like 5 minutes of massaging her back only to have her stop; get up; and write something down than want to start all over again. :frown2:

The only thing worse is when she is so tired that she falls asleep and starts snoring on my chest. :scratchhead: Usually the next morning she will apologize and say lets have sex right after dinner before she gets too tired.

Some nights if my wife just can't clear her mind, she will roll off me, get on her back, pull me over toward and start serious foreplay. It is pretty clear on those nights that she just wants to give me the gift of her body and doesn't think she will have an orgasm and just wants to pleasure me. 

Alternately, if she can clear her mind, then it is one of those nights she wants lots of foreplay and wants as many orgasms as she can get. When she has had her fill of orgasms, it is like she has to immediately have me inside her and wants to jump my bones and hold me tightly against/inside her.

So my questions are (obviously wanting to encourage the latter alternative):

(1) Do some, a lot, most women need to turn their brain off or clear their mind of all thoughts other than the immediate moment and the immediate physical/emotional connection they feel with their spouse?

(2) If so, what technique do you ladies use to clear you mind of stress or all thoughts?

(3) Is there something that a husband can do to help you "turn your brain off" or help you put yourself in a position to be orgasmic, multi-orgasmic, or super orgasmic?

Thank you.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I'm the same as your wife, without the notebook. I need to be relaxed to orgasm, and I'm a one and done kind of a girl. Cortisol is a libido killer as well as inhibiting orgasms for many people. 

If I'm worried or preoccupied about something I just concentrate on pleasing Mr Giro. If I think I'm relaxed enough we start off with some sensual massage for both of us. I like the room fairly warm as well. Shivering just increases tension for me. I like when Mr Giro starts the path toward sex several hours ahead of time, light sexy touches, suggestive talking; that way I have time to try and resolve anything that is stressing me out as well as give myself time to start concentrating on sex positive thoughts. We can still do quickies, but they are for Mr Giro, they do nothing for me. Can't get my system up and running that fast.

Nothing my husband has ever done shuts off my brain. Only I'm capable of that. Sorry.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I agree with the article.

At least in my experience, when a woman loses control and doesn't care about appearances, control or even basic thought past animal instinct, she is capable of unreal orgasms and sexual ability.

One of the women that had the most powerful orgasm I have ever seen,(even in porn) was a belly dancer that was dumb as a box of rocks and totally lost herself once intercourse started.

Mrs. Conan acts like a developmentally disabled kid having a grand maul seizure when she lets go and really gets into the moment of shear fing and climaxes.

It is illogical, undignified, unrefined, uncivilized and utterly volcanic and amazingly satisfying!

I have dominant tendencies and she has mild sub tendencies so I can push the issue towards her brain shutting down.

Dom/sub can be pretty fantastic if you have it in you.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Hmmmmmm interesting. Maybe another explanation for "responsive desire"?

IOW if a w is engaged in sex she responds.... but by this explanation she is preoccupied UNTIL she engages, then "clears her mind" and engages.

My W is very much responsive desire. Never feels desire or sexy... until in bed and she goes down on me - her favorite thing. So by this model, she's preoccupied until she's fully engaged - literally - and then she is 100% focused on the act and gets fully aroused.

Interesting....

Basically several different people trying to explain how women operate - which women themselves can't even answer 


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Basically this sound a lot the female version of ED for some men. Fortunately most men are able to compartmentalize and still function. I know if my body only responded if I was not worried or preoccupied by something, we would never have sex.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Basically several different people trying to explain how women operate - which women themselves can't even answer


Here is the real TruthHurts...we make a pact to never actually tell you, and in fact, to say different things and spread propaganda all the time just to keep you guessing. Why? Because we are sadistic in nature when it comes to making you all want us, and keep wanting us, and keep wanting us. >

How would you keep wanting us if you had the real handbook? We must forever remain a mystery so that you will forever pursue the thrill of having us.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

(the above post was sarcasm...with just a tinge of a poetic type of "truth" about mars and venus energy)


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Young at Heart said:


> So my questions are (obviously wanting to encourage the latter alternative):
> 
> (1) Do some, a lot, most women need to turn their brain off or clear their mind of all thoughts other than the immediate moment and the immediate physical/emotional connection they feel with their spouse?
> 
> ...


1. I think HD women, like HD men, are less likely to need to turn their brain off in order to have sex. Like HD men, many HD women actually want to have sex when they are stressed or anxious, because they can focus on the yummy sex and forget the rest of the world. LD people seem to be more likely to be the opposite and sex will interfere with their good time.

2. I don't really need to clear my mind. If the circumstances are right for sex and I'm in a happy sexual relationship, then I will want sex. I think this is mostly true of HD men as well.

3. Yes there are lots of ways he can enhance my experience. This part is very individual to each woman, I believe. An HD man may have his favorite things he would love his partner to do to destress his body before sex, even if he didn't "need" that in order to get aroused. It would just enhance his arousal. Massage is great, sensual touching, laying together and just breathing in and out while entwined, passionate kissing while caressing each other, stroking each other's hair. These things (in moderation) are wonderful destressors for me. But I'd be ready to go without them, too (again, if the circumstances and the right relationship are present). For me there are certain circumstances that will just make it impossible for me to have sex. Little kids about to bound into the bedroom was one of them. Thank god those days are over!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

See I got something totally different out of the article. I was so happy to read about another woman similar to me.



> I’ve spent most of my adult life writing about and researching sex. I own more sex toys than your average branch of Ann Summers, and watching documentaries about the composition of the vulva is how I spend my free time. But no. *I’m a one-and-done kind of woman*


I liked the fact that she included biological reasons for why _ some _ women are multi orgasmic and therefore, why some, no matter what they do, will never be 



> Is being able to have a super orgasm a super power that can be acquired, or a birth right?
> 
> The jury is still out on that one. Some researchers think it’s a natural ability: Dr Gerulf Rieger, who ran a study into the super orgasm at the University of Essex, did register specific differences between women who had single orgasms and those who are multi-orgasmic. He found that the latter had a higher than average blood flow to their genitals, and that medically speaking were ‘twice as aroused’ as the average women.


I really appreciated how she didn't make it seem like there was something 'wrong' with women like me. That's rare. Most of the information out there says, 'if you just relaxed and were more vulnerable, you'd be multi orgasmic too'. It's nice to see someone explain that's not true. 


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Hmmmmmm interesting. Maybe another explanation for "responsive desire"?
> 
> IOW if a w is engaged in sex she responds.... but by this explanation she is preoccupied UNTIL she engages, then "clears her mind" and engages.
> 
> ...


I personally don't think there is a single explanation for responsive desire. I think that it may be a bunch of different reasons.

My quest to learn more is based on the woman I have been married to for the past 46 years. I want to make this relationship as good as possible. 

My wife is capable of multiple orgasms and enjoys sex, but just not as frequently as I do. She has lots of self-image issues and inhibitions. One of the most profound discussions happened one night when I started foreplay with her and she stopped me and told me, "Don't touch me there, if you touch me there I will want to have sex with you and I don't want to have sex tonight." I was kind of stunned that she knew if aroused she would want and enjoy sex, but she didn't want to have sex. I have just always thought of it as being really LD and not responsive desire as if she doesn't have sex for a couple weeks, she really wants to have sex, will initiate and really get into it.

Now as to responsive desire, one of several more interesting theories is based on the following article.
How Arousal Overrides Disgust During Sex: Study | The Huffington Post

It studied how arousal overcame disgust. As David Schnarch likes to point out in his books a lot of sex involves doing things that people wouldn't normally do, exchanging saliva, or other more intimate bodily fluids or enjoying interesting noises, smells, tastes that we would not do with anyone else, ever. Schnarch likes to say that it is a process of self-soothing to allow one to do the deed enough times until the fear of doing it is gone and it becomes part of who you are.

For all the one and done ladies out there, you are fine as you arel. I am a kind of one and done (or snuggle) guy and it could be nice to be more similarly paired with someone. Still I love the woman I am married to, I just want to better understand her as I can so I can make her as happy as I can.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Maybe it depends how much of the conscious brain is directed at preoccupations, inhibitions, toxic shame, religious _thou-shalt-nots_ and other such thought patterns. 

I've been with women who seemed to need to unpack & examine every last negative emotion, self-doubt and stressful daily experience before they could begin a sexual encounter, and who needed further unwinding--or great distraction and provocation--before they could set aside passivity & modesty in favor of being more unhinged. In some cases this process went well beyond dispelling the stresses of the day to overcoming societal taboos, body-image insecurities, etc, Definitely made me wish for a "Brain: OFF" switch. 

I've also been with women who didn't have these kinds of hangups (to my knowledge) and could very readily shift right into "animal mode"...sometimes it was hard to keep up with them! They didn't need to shift mental gears in any apparent sense. 

I can also sorta see a third category where there's no shame or sex=bad thinking _per se_, but still a tendency toward preoccupation and a massively parallel "multitasking" mental architecture that crowds out sexual arousal with thoughts of domestic or work obligations and makes it difficult to focus. I've had to explain that her mundane summary of what a co-worker said or musings on the dinner menu don't contribute to my staying focused on what we're doing. 

Are these things essential elements of LD vs HD, or responsive vs. spontaneous? I don't know. I tend to see them more as influencing whether and how readily sex of _any_ kind will happen, rather than some indicator of "multi-orgasmic" capacity. That distinction seems more hard-wired to me.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

For a long time in my marriage and with other boyfriends, I thought I was enjoying sex but not really having an orgasm. I thought that was the way it was with most women but I was wondering why people was so engrossed with the sexual act as it was ok so I can take it or leave it. So, I went on an exploration of self discovery. I bought a book on female sexuality and it encouraged masturbation as a means of discovering what one finds pleasurable and that's how I had my very first orgasm. I think women gets so many mixed up stories about female sexuality that we really don't know what we want or need. What I really like about the book I read is that it stated that I was responsible for my own pleasure and I had to communicate this to my partner and not to mention getting over the embarrassment of how your body might look being contorted in all of these different sexual positions.

Many times I've has sex with partners and have been unable to orgasm. As I've gotten older, I have embraced my sexual right to reach an orgasm as not being selfish and as my rightful desire. I tried to explain this to my husband who couldn't understand why I needed to get "off" every time we had sex and I ended a sexual encounter with him without him coming and had him changing his tune.
It is so important that women find out what they find pleasurable and to get rid of the shame and embarrassment surrounding our sexuality. 


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

maritalloneliness said:


> ....I bought a book on female sexuality and it encouraged masturbation as a means of discovering what one finds pleasurable and that's how I had my very first orgasm. I think women gets so many mixed up stories about female sexuality that we really don't know what we want or need. What I really like about the book I read is that it stated that I was responsible for my own pleasure and I had to communicate this to my partner and not to mention getting over the embarrassment of how your body might look being contorted in all of these different sexual positions....
> 
> .....It is so important that women find out what they find pleasurable and to get rid of the shame and embarrassment surrounding our sexuality.


Could I ask what the title of the book was? Thanks.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

I find this very interesting, but not applicable to me. I think it's another case of one size doesn't fit all.

I am a CSA survivor... and for years I was not able to have any orgasm at all since I associated some of build up sensations with the abuse I suffered. I did extensive therapy to work through the abuse, followed by sex therapy to help me embrace my sexuality.

After that recovery I became multi-orgasmic. But, I find if my brain is turned off (blank or too relaxed) then I have more trouble reaching climax ... and definitely not capable of having multiples.

For me, the brain is the most powerful sex organ... if I my partner makes me feel sexy, I can go all night. Pillow talk, dirty talk, sharing fantasies... these things make me feel more connected to him and stimulate my brain which ultimately leads me to orgasm moreso than how I am touched. 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Here is the real TruthHurts...we make a pact to never actually tell you, and in fact, to say different things and spread propaganda all the time just to keep you guessing. Why? Because we are sadistic in nature when it comes to making you all want us, and keep wanting us, and keep wanting us. >
> 
> How would you keep wanting us if you had the real handbook? We must forever remain a mystery so that you will forever pursue the thrill of having us.


Be careful!

Need I remind you that revealing "these" secrets will invoke the wrath of the Red Queen.

Soon, King Brian will magically appear.

I hope you don't mind being tiny. I hope you don't mind flying in Ireland's Wee Woodlands.

I hope you do not mind having little "O's" with your little, little a-hem!

Just sayin.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife reaches orgasm in under 3 minutes most times and can keep having them one after the other for as long as she can physically take it. Her record is 17. From my observation point she has an orgasm, comes down from it a little and then has her next over and over again. She does sometimes say she cannot take anymore so that suggests that she does regain use of her brain at some point during her orgasms. I have been blessed with a wife who is the premature ejactulator in the family. I have always had to try to rush my orgasm to have a simultaneous orgasm with her. At the age of 64 she can only take three in a row. Not only do her toes curl but all her muscles cramp up and it becomes pleasure mixed with pain. She does go away to la la land during her orgasms and it seems that she has to find somewhere to come down and talk to tell me she cannot take anymore. 

I figured that I would give you my view of it over 47 years of sex. Answers from women would not be helpful if it is true that their brains are turned off since they will not be thinking at the time and be able to explain it. I do know that my wife and a few other of my sex partners over the decades have not been able to tell how many times they orgasmed so perhaps the powerful chemicals that produce an orgasm keep saturating their brains.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife said she does not turn off her brain.

She thinks very sexy thinks. That's when she really gets going.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@Young at Heart

I learned how to orgasm because I wanted to orgasm. I wanted it. So I worked out a way to get it.

I personally think that if I could figure it out, anyone can. I don't think there is anything unique about me that I can orgasm quickly and easily.

I've had to get over, get through, get past, and get on board. Before I learned how to do that, I didn't ever want sex, couldn't ever let go of the millions of things on my mind and resented that my husband could!

If your wife wants to get there, she will. Otherwise, she's happy to make you happy and that's her version of getting there...and there is nothing at all wrong with that.

I wish I knew why some people have really dirty minds and other people don't. I learned, and embraced, the fact that I have a very dirty mind and always have. When I stopped repressing and denying it, my filthy imagination started being a perk instead of a shame.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

This isn't the question you asked but I'm chiming in nonetheless... nurturing style massage, for me, either helps bring clarity and/or any concerns to the forefront of my mind. And simultaneously makes me physically deeply relaxed and often tired. The action of massage itself can bring emotions to the surface. For all it's wonderful benefits, I can't say massage helps me to become more present or calm the mind when it's racing.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

heartsbeating said:


> This isn't the question you asked but I'm chiming in nonetheless... nurturing style massage, for me, either helps bring clarity and/or any concerns to the forefront of my mind. And simultaneously makes me physically deeply relaxed and often tired. The action of massage itself can bring emotions to the surface. For all it's wonderful benefits, I can't say massage helps me to become more present or calm the mind when it's racing.


Actually that was quite helpful as a nurturing neck/shoulder/back massage while she has her head on my chest is part of the ritual we use to relax her to the point of starting more serious foreplay aimed at sex. I have often been confused when she either falls asleep or she doesn't want more serious foreplay to follow. Sometimes when she doesn't want more serious foreplay she will pull me onto her and give me the gift of her body and take pleasure in pleasing me. 

You post is an interesting explanation of what might be happening on those nights were her actions confuse me.

thanks.


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