# To Fight or Not to Fight......



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I'm so torn about how to deal with all this. Its been three weeks, H said he wants otu of the marriage, just wants no responsibilities, wants to live alone. Keeps pushing forward with dividing out accounts, asking what we are doing with the house...he seems so head strong to want to leave. There are days I'm crying about everything, then there are days I wake up and I'm OK...which is a relief.

We r still in the same house, different rooms, first two weeks i was ignored, which killed me. Then every now and then he will strike up conversation, talks to me in the mornings before work, asks how work is. Its hard for me to have him in the house when he is so adamant about leaving me. I asked him to leave because I cant bare this, asked him to find a friends sofa. The next day he sat down to talk to me whiel I was making dinner and he said he was sorry for the way he acted over the weekend "long story" but that he respects me and doesnt want to hrt me more than I am. THen he said if it is ok with me that he would rather stay in the house until we resolve all our financial issues. 

Does he realize that would take months?!?!?!? Since then he has been more talkative, says hi all the time... I can't read him. Im so confused and find little hope in us because of his actions and what he said, but every no and then I can't help but think.....what if? When am i supposed to just give up? I love that man, and I am afraid of letting go because I don't have a real reason or a "why" for him wanting to leave me other than he missed out on life and wants to live alone??? (selfish reason if you ask me)

I'm so torn: We have therapy tomorrow and I feel like asking that....i'm scared he will say, I still want this, I wont change my mind.

Advice?


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## WhoAmI? (Apr 19, 2010)

I just wanted to weigh in on your situation.

You can click on my name to read some of my story.

I think it's good that you are going to see somebody together. I would say that you will probably get a better idea of his real intentions after these meetings.

If it becomes clear to you that he intends to leave, I would get separated from him as soon as possible. It is very difficult to even think of beginning to heal and move on if you are still seeing each other every day.

I had the physical separation forced on me abruptly, and at the time it was VERY painful, but in hindsight (nearly 9 months later) it was beneficial. It's like ripping a band-aid off quickly versus slowly peeling it off.

I truly am sorry for your situation. All I can say is hang in there, stay busy, pray, cry, spend time with people you love, look into new hobbies, read at pubs and coffee shops, and don't give up on yourself. 

It's a roller-coaster ride, but I can say that 9 months into this I have made enormous progress over where I was at the beginning. Now there are more good days than bad. God bless you.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Shelly, my situation is quite similar in that my husband of 5 years says he wants a separation to give himself 'space' and time to clear his head and think on his own. For the first week after he said that, even though we had problems in the relationship i was so stunned and shocked, we were both in the same house and I tried to persuade him to change his mind and stay and do marriage counseling. He said he wouldn't change his mind and was actively looking for a flat to rent...it was emotionally too much for me, I was in tears all the time and couldn't deal with it....eventually for my sanity I went to stay with relatives which is where I am now. He is still in the house and searching for his own place to rent. Unfortunately, his family are all in another country so he can't crash there. I can't imagine how you are feeling being in the same house as him and watching him just carry on.....I think you should tell him it's not fair on you and he needs to move asap, it must be torture for you to have to see him all the time. Keep strong, just tell him you can't cope being around him all the time, if he doesn't listen, could you go to stay at a friend or relative for a while, just to get out of the situation for your sanity?


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