# Unsure



## moonsun (Apr 14, 2012)

I have been married for four years now. We are financially stable, i have kids from a previous marriage and we have good careers. We are frugal, however my husband has many hobbies that i encourage him to have. We have no kids together and he does not want any which is fine with me. I always believed that we had a good relationship, we do a lot of things together... The other day he was awake while i was asleep. Later in the day he complained to me that he is doubting our marriage, I asked him what brought this on and he stated that the living room was a mess. (my husband has never thrown out the garbage in the house, my kids and i do all the cleaning, however to my husbands defense my kids are messy, but my home is not one that guest cannot come home to). As much as it hurt me I told him to leave because I do not want him to be in a marriage which he is unhappy in. I grabbed my keys and told him i was going to leave the house for a few hours so he has time to pack his things. I had to immediately return because i had forgotten my wallet, as soon as he saw me he said that he was sorry that he was wrong. After arguments and tears later we decided to work it out. But now I feel like he is only staying with me because he is scared to be alone, I don't know if he does love me? Im scared and confused.


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

i hear you! I have no idea why is it hard for some men to be straight out and say whatever they're feeling so we can either move on or keep on fighting! ask him to be completely honest cus you need to know what to do next for your kids well being! men tend to be afraid to be alone, and that's even when they don't have the kids! lol!!! haha! anyways,,, hope he opens out to you as to what he wants so you'll know what to do =)


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sometimes it's hard for men to say what they mean because some women read more into what we say then what we say!

Just sayin!


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

?????....what if the woman is able to hear you out and try to understand your feelings? no fighting just comprehensive talking...why is it still hard?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm a little unclear on why both of you are so ready to put your entire marriage on the line at the drop of a hat (or messy living room). :scratchhead:

Isn't the point of marriage that you promise to work through problems that come up because you are committed to being together? I believe that means the FIRST resort isn't running away, packing bags, kicking each other out or deciding to end the marriage after one comment. It doesn't mean that one mention of some doubt or dissatisfaction is a sign you should give up and divorce. Commitment also means staying together when you're unhappy because you believe you can work on things and make them better. Unhappy is a symptom, not a death sentence.

Don't assume he isn't leaving because he's afraid to be alone. 
Assume he isn't leaving because he loves you, is committed to your marriage, and wants to be with you even though things might have started coming between you.

Then start talking about what has been happening in your marriage lately, talk about what issues you each have with your relationship, talk about what you would like to do to change things, make a plan. 

Don't use "it's over!" as your first response to a bump in the road.


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