# Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?



## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Hi, 

it's been quite a long time since I last posted here. After my separation three and half years ago life found it's course and became quite busy. With years passing the situation evolved in a way that I became pretty much the sole provider for my child who is now 9 years old. He visits his other home every other weekend but other than that, lives pretty much with me. Life has been good and last fall I felt that I'm starting to be ready for another relationship, so I started dating again. 

This january I started chatting with this really nice person. I wasn't going to ask her out, because I couldn't really get the feel for where the thing was going based on our messages, but she asked me out. When I met her, I got this "wow on the first sight" I've only gotten perhaps once in my life. So many little things in her just felt so good (her posture, openess, curious mind, positive attitude, politeness, shyness and yet brave eye contact). We started seeing each other and we've been seeing each other for month and a half now. My feelngs have grown deeper and she has feelings too. She sends me messages daily, tells me kind things, is initiative about spending time with me. 

But, she doesn't want to spend time on weekends together. I asked her about that and she said that she needs that time for herself to get over the stressful work week and to just be free. Before I asked, she never said directly no to my initiations about doing something fun on the weekends, but the at the last minute said that she'd rather see next week. Also, all the talks about what's happening between us and where this is going are initiated by me. She has been initiative about sleeping together and that might happen soon. I've told her that I'm not ready for sex and for me to be ready I need to feel secure and trust needs to build. Sleeping together sounds nice and manageable enough, I think. 

I've talked with my friends a lot and I think that it's fairly certain that I have stronger feelings for her than she for me. My main concern at the moment is that my fear of rejection kicks in and I sabotage a good thing by stopping it. The fear whispers in my ear that a dynamics like this can not work or become anything permanent and that she's not that into me in the end and doesn't want something as big as me. The calmer me tries to sooth my fears by saying that we are just getting to know each other and she actively communicates with me, tells me being with me makes her feel better every time, wants to sleep together. There are lots of positive signs and I should give this time and proceed by respecting both of our wants and needs. She wants to focus seeing each other on the weekdays for now, then go with that. And focus on keeping yourself active and happy while this uncertain and occationally tormenting situation lasts. 

If you read this far, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is this dynamics doomed for a short getting to know each other that ends up in heart break, or is there hope for something to grow from this? I know there are no answers, but feedback and experiences would be very much welcome.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Give it a bit more time and see how it goes.

The closer your relationship is, the more time she will want to spend with you....which will be those weekends that you want.

I personally would find something super fun or that she really likes to do and try to plan it with her for a few weekends later, this gives her time and something to look forward to.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Thank you, xMadame, for the feedback and reassurance. I actually did something like that and asked her if I could take her out on a proper date in a couple of weeks when a movie that she really wants to see comes out. It'd be a Saturday night and I suggested that I'd take her to the movie and to a restaurant and I she was excited about the idea. I think I'll give it some time now and then ask closer if the idea still sounds good and start making preparations and include her in planning them if that flows naturally.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Keep dating other people. Have you two had sex yet? Make out? How serious is this relationship?


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

GuyInColorado said:


> Keep dating other people. Have you two had sex yet? Make out? How serious is this relationship?


He answered all of that in his OP.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Honestly, I think the weekend thing is just weird. IF not a red flag, then a pink flag at least. 

If I were really into a man, I would want to spend lots of weekend time with him. 

Not to be pessimistic, but are you sure she doesn't have anyone else in the picture?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Edited: Duplicate post


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Hope Shimmers said:


> He answered all of that in his OP.


Indeed, thanks.

No sex and no commitment, keep on dating. She probably is in her sexual prime and wants sex. She sees you has low drive and doesn't want to get too involved. She's getting it from someone else on the weekends. That's how I see it from my phone.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Nope, doesn't sound doomed to me at all, since you're the guy in the relationship. I think it's very attractive to most women to be pursued by a man, not the other way around. The only thing I'd caution is that if she doesn't want to spend time with you on the weekends, it could be that she's still dating other people, which is within her right since you've only been dating her for a month and a half. Another thought is maybe she isn't ready to be around your child? Does she have children?

I'd say keep pursuing her since you're interested but make sure you have other interests in your life so you don't appear clingy or needy in any way. And make sure you're asking her on dates that don't include your child (I'm sure you're already doing this).


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Thank you very much for the replies everyone, and different points of view. I should clarify that my gender is not male, though with her I seem to be the one with more initiative and I feel the want to open doors for her and all that. It just comes naturally around her. 

As for dating other people, I would not feel comfortable kissing someone or plan sleeping next to her and still date other people, so I ended all of my other dating things about two weeks ago, when this thing seemed to be heading to that direction. I was open to her about that and she should know where I stand. I am fairly certain that she is not seeing other people either, but I haven't asked directly. Though, after what we have talked about and what kind of intimacy we've shared, I would feel disappointed and lead on if she was still seeing other people at the time and it might be a deal breaker for me. 

As for sex, my drive is pretty high and so far I've been the one more initiative about even talking about sex. Though I have said out loud as well that I am not yet ready for sex, and that I need to get to know here better before I am. I told her that while building trust I want to get to know her and what she likes before getting sexually intimate. She is very shy when talking about it and I'm taking baby steps at the moment but going steadily forward. 

She doesn't have children and she has met my little one twice. Once at a public place and once at our home. They got along pretty naturally, harmonious is the word I'd use. They are very different (my child is an extrovert like me, she more of an introvert I think), but they seemed to coexist nicely in the same space and liked each other. So far I've kept my child mostly out of the picture. My main motivation for that is, that I do not want my child to get invested on anyone that doesn't stick around, I'm very protective about him in that way. But since she only wants to see on weekdays, on some weeks my child will be there, though I try to keep that at maximum to once a month for now. 

My best guess at this point (as for an explanation about the weekends) is that being able to keep weekends as she likes (slow mornings, doing just what she wants and as little she wants, spending many hours at a time on geeky stuff that interests her) is at the time very important to her and the idea of having another person there to mess that free time up makes her anxious. I could be totally off with this, but that's what I'd guess is the biggest thing at the moment


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Sounds like it's going along nicely, and if you are the more masculine energy in the (new) relationship then I still think it applies- being pursued is very attractive to most women. But, so is confidence, so I'd make sure you don't get too close too fast if she's not giving that back (yet). Because it has only been a month and a half and there is no commitment, she could still be seeing others (and in my mind, that is acceptable, even if you two are sharing intimate conversation). I'd say give it 3 months and have fun, enjoy what she's able to give. By then, you can let her know you're interested in a committed relationship with her. This seems to be a reasonable timeline (to me), given that you know she's likely someone you'd want to commit to. By then, she should likely know too. But I'd give it more time before pressuring her, while still keeping your child, friends, and other interests (doesn't have to mean dating others) a priority in your life until then- though I'm sure your child will always be a priority. I mean the other hobbies/interests should still be high on your list until you have more of a commitment, since it seems she's still making her hobbies/interests more of a priority for now.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

This girl of yours sounds A LOT like me. I love my geeky pursuits and like to spend a lot of time alone because my week is very crazy and stressful. I'm an introvert and my recharge/free time is super important to me. I've become very cautious about committing to things (and relationships). I guard my time like nobody's business. Those close to me make jokes about "the schedule" (I schedule all calls and visits).

My girlfriend is like you, extroverted and wanting to spend more time together and being patient when I'm like, "I'm exhausted and I have tons to do, nope." (There are weekends I don't see her.) That said, she's the only girl I've dated in the last 2 years that I've really become attached to. She tends to do things to make my life easier, which has the effect of taking some of the stress off of me and getting her more phone calls and visits.

So definitely give her some space and don't push, and if you've put it out there that you'd like to do something, then let her choose and come to you. She will appreciate you not being one more pressure/demand on her and if she really likes you, she'll come looking for you.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I guess I see it quite differently than most of the other responses so far.

To me, weekends are the time to spend time with and go do fun things with someone I'm dating and am interested in. In the general dating and relationship world, I can't imagine one person saying to the other that weekends are off limits for spending time together due to a need for alone time and it going over well. So you can only date on the weekdays after work??

Most of the world dates on the weekends...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I too find the no weekend dates thing odd...when I was dating and really into someone I wanted to spend lots of time with him...couldn't get enough of him (still can't get enough of my husband  )

There's plenty of ways to see your partner and still time for yourself...surely a Saturday night date isn't too much to ask?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Indeed, thanks.
> 
> No sex and no commitment, keep on dating. She probably is in her sexual prime and wants sex. She sees you has low drive and doesn't want to get too involved. She's getting it from someone else on the weekends. That's how I see it from my phone.


 They have only been seeing each other for 6 weeks, not everyone has sex straight away.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> They have only been seeing each other for 6 weeks, not everyone has sex straight away.


Fortunately in the Western world, the majority of us do have sex straight away.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Well you said the word introvert and that got my attention, because I am as well. You have to understand she has her routine and she needs her weekends to decompress, for her to give that up or change her routine it is going to take strong feelings on her part. Right now you are just a casual person of interest, not nearly as important as her weekend to herself time, but that can change. Don't take it as insulting, it's just how her brain is wired. If her emotions toward you grow stronger she will want more time with you, introverts love intimate relationships, would much rather be one on one than be in a crowd.

Your comments on sex may be a little off putting for her. Making a declaration that sex is off the table until you're sure of the relationship can be a bit scary for her. Introverts are sensitive, they crave intimacy but not at the cost of hurting another. Now she has to be careful, she knows when you are ready for sex that means you are all in, so right now she is measuring her emotions very carefully to see if there's a strong enough connection for her to commit or not.

Another thing to consider is you have a kid and she doesn't, that can easily make her feel like a third wheel.

Or I could just be rambling in stupidity and she actually has someone she's hooking up with on the weekends. Did you ask her if she is seeing anyone else?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Fortunately in the Western world, the majority of us do have sex straight away.


Fortunately there are still many who wait a while.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Thank you all so, so much for all the fantastic replies. I've gotten a lot of reassurance and a lot of new insight. This has been very helpful and I'm really glad I made this post.

Especially the answers opening what being an introverted person is like opened a lot of new thoughts for me. My whole family is full of super-extroverts, and I'm fairly extroverted too. I have very little experience of being closer to a more introverted person and I now realise I have to educate myself on this. Also I have a side that could be described as being autistic. It is very hard for me to read subtle messages and I benefit a lot from very open verbal communication. 

As for dating, we've talked about our dating past openly and she has given me the impression that she is not seeing other people at the moment. 

As for talking about sex: I can understand how the way I approached the issue can be off - putting. But, if she on her side is really into me, she'll hopefully understand that there are some things that she has to on her end be patient and understanding with as well. This is something that I think is related to my challenges in perceiving and interpreting subtle messages. I need to hear certain things said out loud with clear communication. 

Right now I'm in a place where sharing something as intimate as sex would make me very vulnerable and exposed, and I do not want to rush into it. She does know I have sexual feelings for her though, as do I know that she those feelings for me too. And it's getting stronger with time.

I know many people in the western world have sex pretty early in the relationship, I've done that too with some people, but it just doesn't usually feel good to me. That's just how I'm wired. Maybe there's some kind of shaky analogy between her relationship to weekends and mine to sex? I like to keep it to myself as long as I really am ready to let the other person close to me. Unless it's just casual friends with benefits thing, which are nice when I'm not seeing anyone (now those are of course off the table).


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

There's supposed to be a very good book on introverts called 'Quiet' (by Susan Cain). Sadly this introvert has yet to read it, but my extroverted girlfriend checked it out and started reading it.  Like you, she's not used to being close to an introvert. When we first talked about her being included in my "routine", she thought being scheduled was a bad thing. Not long after, she realized that she WANTED to be part of my regular routine because those things are my top priorities, lol. 

When we first started getting to know each other, I was more restrictive with my time and the phone calls. But once we started dating (and she showed she could respect my need for time), that allocation crept up. Now she gets multiple calls a week and gets to see me most weekends. (She gets to spend the night and has her own bathroom here with all of her things. I've dated two others before her that were never allowed those things, even when it was late.) So hang in there. She may allow/start to allow you "special" things that you won't immediately recognize as being special, but those will be a good indication of your progress with her.

It's awesome that you are holding off on sex! Stick with that and reserve it until you're in a more established place with her, especially if it makes you feel vulnerable. I would say the connection you're making - sex for you, weekends for her - may be something. My time and emotional energy are (for me) the most valuable things I can offer. (A lot of people don't realize that social interaction is draining for most introverts - no matter who it is or how fun the activity is.)

Have you been clear in expressing how you communicate/work best? It may be that if she's an indirect person, you two would have to work on that together. But it would have to be done gently. Best to avoid starting out statements with "you need to" or "you have to". May be too early for this yet. Just take your time.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Thank you soulpotato very much for the book tip. It's available at my local library and I made a reservation right away! Today has been a real eye opener. I've read a few articles about dating and introvert and girl, have I done some things wrong (like talking way too much, which escalates veeerrry easily when I'm nervous)! Well, the good thought of the day is that she must really be interested in me to still be around. Also, today is the third day this week we're seeing (out of her initiative) so I'm feeling like a high priority on her list at the moment. ^_^

Communication is one thing that we definitely need to work on. The reason why I originally thought that I wouldn't have asked her out, was because I did not understand a big portion of her communication. And in the past six weeks there has been some heartache that could've been avoided with better and more direct communication. We've talked about relationship-related stuff on two days this week, I'm going to give it a rest today and just enjoy the sun and the warmth and her presence and maybe next week or the week after that I'll talk to her about communication a bit more. What flows naturally. 

I do know that the most important thing for me is that whatever grows between us, grows because both want it out of their free will and that there's no pressure involved. If she doesn't want to see me on weekends, then there'd be absolutely no point in seeing on weekends because I wouldn't want to be close to her if she did not want my closeness. This just has been so very baffling because this is unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life and I'm in an very unfamiliar territory. And to be brutally honest, I've never felt this terrible about falling for someone. I've had so much heart ache and anxiousness in the past weeks that it's just ridiculous, probably a lot to do with my neuroatypical side and being out of the comfort zone of my daily routines. The early phase of dating and falling for someone, definitely not my thing. But I've endured through it all so far without letting my fears or insecure thoughts wreck anything so "yay me, for that much."  

Thank you once again, soulpotato!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am an introvert, but I cant see how that would lead to not spending just 3 or 4 hours at the weekend with someone who I was dating. I would have thought that seeing someone in the evening after a full days work with other people would be far more draining. 
I have to wonder what she has on at the weekends that stops her from seeing you.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

She had to be the one to ask you out. I think that she's already seeing someone else and you are just the plan B for now. And...of course if you push the subject about weekends she'll end it. Dating more might fix all of this the better you know each other and then again she never think of you as a plan A candidate. Of coarse you'll never know the answer unless you keep seeing her...but do know that you can be pretty sure that she's seeing someone besides you.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Thank you again for the replies. The curiosity got the better of me and I asked directly today is she dating other people at the moment. She said no. Other than that I kept everything very light and I think we had a good time.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Rainbow_Dazed said:


> Thank you again for the replies. The curiosity got the better of me and I asked directly today is she dating other people at the moment. She said no. Other than that I kept everything very light and I think we had a good time.


Of course she'll say no, do you expect her to come out and admit it?


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

@Rainbow_Dazed If she is taking the initiative to see you, especially multiple times a week, that certainly says something! 

Silences/pauses in conversation are okay. It gives her a chance to think and respond to what you've said, and to share from her side. 

Just remember, so long as you two understand each other and the arrangement works for both of you, that's all that matters. Not anyone else's understanding or interpretation, you know? Naturally not all introverts are the same. Though there are commonalities, some are more or less introverted than others or more drained by one situation over another. 

You sound like you're starting from a good place. And I'm with you - I hate the early phases of dating & falling in love! It's so nerve-wracking and terrifying!

I hope you'll keep us updated!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

bang her like a screen door. start living your life without her and then she will be like dog **** on your shoe.


I say this in jest ........but not really


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

EDIT: This reply was to jb02157 

Well yes, I do. I have been very transparent and honest with her and I expect the same from the people I date. I would never be with someone who lies to me. It is in my nature to expect the best from people and so far I've been lucky enough to have very few disappointments in my life with trusting people. And my insticts strongly tell me that she is also open and honest to me.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

An update: 

We saw three times last week and the weekend was again more quiet than the weekdays, as before. I kept myself busy and had a very nice weekend. Saw lots of friends, went out clubbing and danced my ass off. All good things. 

We had talked about going for a lunch on Monday, and on Sunday evening I suggested a place for the lunch. She then told me that she’d love to go there, but tomorrow is not good. The reason why was an very understandable one, but last week we talked about lunch on Monday and I felt let down for the last second cancellation of our plans. Mostly the thing that hurt me was that again I was unsure of her feelings toward me and of her level of interest in me, and I had really hard time reading her.

So, I did the only thing I knew to do in this situation and wrote her a long letter in which to sum it up briefly I told her exactly how I feel about her and that it’d be important for me to hear how she feels about me and what she thinks about us and the future. I told her what my most intimate hopes for the future are and asked do we have matching hopes and dreams for the future. And does she want to get to know me in hopes of figuring out if these hopes and dreams can happen between us or is her interest in me something different. And, I asked her that could we please in the future plan the times we see more carefully. That as a creature of structure, plans that change in the last minute are rough for me. 

This morning she replied in her brief way that yes, the feelings are mutual and she wants the same kinds of things in her future. And that absolutely we can plan our meetings more carefully in the future. 

It was nerve wrecking to send her that long message. I was absolutely unsure was the timing good for such an intimate, open letter, or was it too much too soon. But I’m relieved that I did it. Even more than I anticipated. It was very comforting the read her words and to know with certainty that her motivations are similar to mine. She’s still an absolute mystery to me, but now my heart is (for the time being atleast) more at peace with letting time to do it’s thing. And what I even less anticipated, after that short reply and those few words, my mind is much more ready go towards her in a more intimate level as well. Still, not in any hurry, but a step forward for me to dare go towards her a bit more.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Hi,

thought I'd post an update. Things have been progressing well and with each passing week I understand her more. I have now come to know that yes, she's quite an introvert. She has few people in her life and needs a lot of time to charge her batteries. The more I understand, the more I see how much of her energy she is focusing towards me at the moment and it makes me feel very much wanted in her life. It is also more clear to me that she has a strong motivation to move towards me and to get to know each other. She also has said that with time she's understanding me more and more. Silly of me not to think that this goes both ways. Somewhere in the future when we have known for a longer time, I have to ask her what things was she baffled about in me when we started seeing each other. ^_^

The slow pace in which things progress has done surprisingly good things for me as well. I've had much time to think about my feelings, my past relationships and hurts and to read about things I have had less understanding about than I before thought (I feel quite silly about how little I have understood about introverted people before, nor about how high my own energy level apparently is, ). I've also been socially more active than in a long, long time. Seen a lot of friends, and had many, good moments. Mainly to keep myself busy. It has done a lot of good for me too. 

We have shared some intimate things,and she has told me things that I feel are private things and I feel that a deeper level of trust is building with time. My feelings for her are deepening and are still freaking me out. I haven't thought about another human being this much ever before, nor been so focused on getting to know just the person she is, or being so concerned about her well being and happiness. She's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and last thing I think of before falling asleep. These feelings are on this level new to me, and I am still uncomfortable with how uncontrollable they are, and still uncertain are my feelings on a healthy level. It's so hard to tell, because I haven't felt anything like this before. My friends keep telling me that everything sounds normal and like symptoms of falling for someone. Still lots of stuff process through, obviously. 

Good thing is that the weather is getting warmer and my more active period of doing sports has started so I have a place where to channel all of my extra energy. At the moment I'm still deliberately keeping myself extra busy, doing my best to release as much of the energy within me into positive things as possible, while waiting for time to do it's thing. What feels very nice is that I've been able to enjoy the time we spend together more each passing week and feel much less anxiety and fear than before, though those two sill are a part of my life at the moment. So far, so good.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

@Rainbow_Dazed Glad to hear everything is going well!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

No weekends. That's odd to me. I hope she isn't married, and lying to you. I've never ever everrrr heard of anyone who is single refusing to date/see someone on the weekend, just keepin' it real. lol

I know many introverts, and they're not refusing to see people they're dating on the weekends. I think there's something more to that (maybe not marriage, but something seems off about that to me), and I'm not saying to start this off with distrust, but it's only been two months (?), you honestly don't know her.  It takes time to really know someone, so guard your heart, don't give it away too easily.

Maybe I read too many stories on TAM. lol I hope I'm wrong, but that just seems off to me.

Do your dates mainly happen during the day? Do you ever stay out late with her during the weekdays?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Bizarre relationship... have you seen her naked yet? Ha. Keep dating other girls, you two aren't exclusive if you haven't touched home yet. Are you even past 1st base? 

You two will have the most boring sex life if you stay together forever. Trust me and others that have been there.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Hi, thank you again for the comments. 

It is comforting to hear that many of you who replied are confused/hesitant about all this. It makes me more at ease with my own hesitant feelings. At the moment I'm at a good place with all of this, I think things are progressing in a comfortable way and at an comfortable pace. I have been open and clear about the things I want in the future and that with time I want to progress towards those things, and I know she wants that too. For the time being this arrangement is working. 

I have been to her place multiple times and have stayed for the night a few times. She has been to my place too but not for the night. I expect that'll happen in the near future though. As I wrote before, we have shared some intimate things, physical too. For me it is important to verify verbally a lot of things to know where we are and based on the information I have gotten it is my understanding that she is happy with how things have progressed and if anything would like to move faster than we are moving in certain areas. Which is good. I am still not ready to move forward on some fronts, but with each passing week I am feeling more secure with her and more ready to share even more intimacy with her.

We're still quite much strangers to each other and yes, it does take a long time to truly get to know someone. We’re currently in a place where I’m learning new bigger things of her. So far the things I’ve learned have all made me even more interested in her. The slow pace at the moment gives lots of time to think about the things I learn of her and that has been good for now. I feel it’s a positive sign that she wants to share more of herself with me as time goes by. I interpert that means she feels some level of secureness with me and trust. 

My life has with years become quite stoic and maybe to many, boring. It’s heavy with routines, and in many ways very simple (work, parenting, personal hobbies, occational nights out with friends, rinse and repeat, year after year). To me, it’s a very pleasing way to exist. I guess out of the two, there’s less of my life to learn as far as comes to my daily life and of the core needs I have at this point in my life. Though naturally there’s at the same time very much in my life to take in and things I am very protective about (most important being my child), so it’s not only her who has areas in which she wants to guard for the time being. 

As for boring sex life – I guess that’s quite an subjective experience. In my stoic way of life it’s likely that sexual things become with time in some ways stoic as well. Time will tell if that is something she finds pleasing. I’ve been in different kinds of relationships and have come to learn that sex is an essential part of life, and if incorporated into an amorous relationship in a way that sexual things are only shared within that relationship, it needs to work very well. In this I need more time to get to know her and her thoughts, though what I know so far is very promising. It seems we both think sexuality to be an important part of life and something that is an very important part of a relationship.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I agree with the "calmer you!"

It may take a little longer here than six weeks as her feelings for you have to brought into consideration as well!

Regarding successful romantic relationships, I think that you would agree that "Rome was not built in a day!"

I really think that all she wants is just to get to know you even better with more openness!*


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

@Rainbow_Dazed 

I have weekends that I don't see my girlfriend (like this one coming up) and I'm not seeing anyone else. I just don't have enough time and energy for myself and struggle to get everything done. Granted this may not be the case with your girlfriend, but not wanting to see you on weekends doesn't mean she's up to something bad. If several months pass and she still never wants to see you on weekends, then you can start asking more questions. 

It may be that trust is going to be an issue in this relationship, especially with other people questioning your girlfriend's nonconformity to the dating norm in ways that imply she must be up to no good if she's not with you on weekends. It's not going to do anything but make you worry more. You can't control what she does, even if you were to spend every weekend with her.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

@soulpotato

I assume something in my response made you think that this weekend thing is making trust harder for me to build? That is not the case. With each passing week that I have come to know her more, I understand better what her needs are and know that she truly needs a lot of her own time to recharge. That is something I want to learn to live with if this thing grows into something deeper. 

I have absolutely no reason to distrust her and she has been nothing but open to me. It's the opposite - with time I find myself feeling more secure with her and trust deepening. It was just relieving to read other people's thoughts, because it made me be more understanding of my own initial reactions. I'm currently much more at ease with everything and am very happy that I struggled through the initial hardships I had with understanding what's happening. The book you recommended helped immensely. 

For me having hard time to build enough trust for another person to share a deeper level intimacy lie in totally different reasons which I have shared with her and she has been understanding.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

@Rainbow_Dazed To me it sounded like a combination of the no-weekends deal and the subsequent feedback on that might be making you feel more leery/concerned. (Not saying you should never be concerned or ignore your own instincts if anything comes up or the situation starts to really trouble you, just...yeah.  ) But I'm glad that that's not the case and that you are still feeling good about the whole thing.

I'm glad the book helped, and I very much understand having difficulty in trusting others. I'm glad that your girlfriend is reaching towards you and continuing to deepen the relationship from her side as well.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Glad to hear you have been to her place lol Then, maybe she just wants to take it slow, which isn't a bad thing, really. Hope things work out for you.


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