# My husband thinks I spend too much money.



## cmaylow20 (Aug 20, 2010)

I am a wife of almost twenty one years with three teenage daughters. We both work and make a modest living. My husband has changed jobs a few times over the past five years, but each time has gone down in pay. With three teenage daughters it is not easy on the paychecks. I am doing all that I can to keep us floating and hardly ever indulge in anything for myself. It is always for my family. Lately, actually for many years, money has become a big issue with him and he seems to think that I spend it without thinking. He keeps telling me that he does not spend any money. He is right about that. I spend money on groceries that he eats, bills that he benefits from, and other encidentals that go on in life. (Dr. visits, insurance, etc.) we do not have much left over at the end of the month. Truth is that I have to think about every dime I spend. He does not realize that when I take the girls to get school clothes, we always hit the clearance racks. I hang my laundry to save on electricity. I collect cans and bottles to help out. I feel like I am doing all the work and only getting put down because we don't have much left. Any advice? I feel like a sinking ship in my own home.....


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm guessing your husband is at least in his 40s. The economy is scary right now. I'm 49 and have held my current job for the past 16 years. I'm even worried. I can only imagine how I'd feel if I were your husband and had job changes and reductions in salary recently. He probably is just scared to death. He can't really complain at work so he's venting to you. 
Maybe if you two went over the budget together. Maybe he'd see that you were also concerned and that you were being as careful as possible with the money. He might see that things were going to be ok. 
Being a good provider is a really huge deal for a guy. He's making less money now and probably feeling pretty apprehensive about his ability to take care of you and the girls. 
His argument that you spend more money than he does is a little silly because wives typically make most of the household spending decisions. If he's included in that process, it will be "we" spend money instead of "you" spend money. I've raised my family on a cop's salary and even in great times it's tough. I'm frugal to the point of being cheap, but in my mind, it's just my way of making sure my family is taken care of. Try not to let it insult you. A lot of guys don't take care of their family, even if they have lots of money. Sounds like your's has managed to do so, despite several set-backs.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Yeah, I agree with Unbelievable about sitting down together and going over the budget. Maybe once he knows where the money is going he will be able to understand more. Are you open to him making suggestions on the budget? Such as dialing down any extras,etc??


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

In today's economy, everyone's worried about money. People are taking drastic measures to save money or keep a job. I recently, after being out of work for so long and finding that my boyfriend's current salary just isn't enough, went to work as a Guide on ChaCha.com and reluctantly opened my own photography business (because it was something I could do with relatively little initial investment, and practically no overhead). I would freak out every time we had to spend money on anything, because our finances are so tight right now. 

With having lost 3 jobs and had salary reductions, I am sure a large part of his complaints are not based so much on you spending too much, but just based on simple worry over what might happen if he loses this job, or if you lose yours, or if you have an unexpected major expense or any of the other countless money worries that couples all over the country are facing right now. I wouldn't take it personally.

I agree with the idea of sitting down with him and the budget so that he can see everything that you guys have to pay, and what income you have coming in. Explain to him how you handle the back to school shopping, have him go grocery shopping with you so he can see the prices. Include him so that not only does he not have the ability to say "you" spend, but also so that he can see just where the money goes. When someone doesn't realize just where the money's going and how expensive things are, they see it as just a huge outflow of money with no real return. By showing him where it goes, he'll realize it's necessary.


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