# my husband cant stop talking to a girl hes never met who lives 1,000 miles away



## FireOfTheRedhead (Jun 21, 2012)

I guess they had a stupid internet deal years before. They spoke once in awhile I guess between relationships, but it all started at 1am one night, I was 6 months pregnant wanting food, and my husband locks himself in the bathroom to talk to her for hours while she cried saying how she wants him and misses him, meanwhile our loner car breaks down on me driving myself home from getting food and he flips on me because I'm pissed that he put someone else before what shouldve been important. At the time I was unaware of the nature of their convo. Well something kept telling me I had to read it. I did. And then it all came down. I have at this point over 2,423 sexting messages, Facebook messages, hours of recorded convos between them, nude photos sent back and forth, emails, you name it. He's told her several times he loves her. And if I say one negative word about her, he defends her! He's never even met this girl. But he's dragged her every which way in our marriage. He lies about it all. Swears he won't talk to her, but sure enough, just a minute of snooping and I find it all. And he still expects me to trust him. We've been married for only a year and a half. And this is the tip of the iceberg. I don't want to give up just yet. But I don't think it'll ever change. And he says its my fault he runs to her every time we fight. Reality is, he gets pissed, says things in anger to her, she confirms them, so he gets his mind set on what he thinks is correct, specially with confirmation from his "best friend", and has now grown detached in almost every way possible. Is there any way to actually flip this? I've tried talking to her, letting her now she's wrecking a family. Not just lusting someones bf. But she's a total ***** and has respected nothing I've ever asked. I'm at my wits end. Help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Sounds like you have done all you can do on your end...except counceling. Have you looked into that? Confronting her and it still going on is insane. The first time you talk to an attorney it is free (1 hour in most cases) Take everything you have. Hell, print out you post. See what the attorney says. Get it all lined out and tell him ...this is what is going down. Wanna fix it? Make sure he knows it isnt a threat but that you are truly willing to go 1 of 2 directions. Im sure others will disagree with me...but this is SO unfair to you.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

My advice, difficult as it is, is to stop confrontation with him. The girl is an escape hatch and whilst there are issues at home he may choose the escape hatch over the issues. 

The focus should still be on you. You should still consinder where you are going with your relationship. What you want from life. If you have other options or plan B should you or he end it etc. I wouldn't be surprised if you know these already. The point is being prepared and with it you will feel strong and more optimistic. You will be able to manage (what is a horrid situation) without making it more horrid. 

This will help him to see that you are not a problem, or a fighter he needs to avoid. He will not have a story to report to his escape-hatch and she will not be able to tell him he is right. The chain starts to fall apart. If he is wise, he will see what he has is better than the imagined relationship (as it is really imaginary whilst it is distant) and he may start to open to communication rather than confrontation. Later you can choose to invest more time in him/the relationship or start to make yourself stronger for a new life.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

This isn't just the usual WS neglect, this is downright cruel. You're pregnant and hungry bearing his child and the bastard locks himself up in the bathroom? Get out of that house now, go stay with your parents or any other relatives, tomorrow supposing your water breaks, I don't think this one's going to take you to the hospital....just sayin


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

First off, you need to consider changing the title of your thread from:

my husband *cant* stop talking to a girl hes never met who lives 1,000 miles away

to:

my husband *won't* stop talking to a girl hes never met who lives 1,000 miles away

And therein lies the issue. Whether she lives down the street of 1,000 miles away, she still is the OW in your marriage. She still has your H's ear (or eyes on the page) and attention is taken away from your needs and your relationship in order for him to give HER that attention. You know it isn't right. He is oblivious. You know it has to stop. He doesn't know this.

So, how does he learn that this is inappropriate and must stop? You give him an ultimatum and be prepared to follow though. Either he ends it NOW with a NC letter or the marriage is over. You will not remain married when there is an OW involved with your H. He gets to decide whether he wants to continue with her, but in doing so, he will be without you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. He CAN stop, but he doesn't want to.

He's having a serious affair. 

Either she goes or you go.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Yea. He CAN stop, but he doesn't want to.
> 
> He's having a serious affair.
> 
> Either she goes or you go.


:iagree:

This is the exact same situation as HurtinginTN, his WW was having an serious EA with an OM she met online who she never even met before. She finally went to the OM, driving thru the night and a thousand miles away to meet him for the first time, even taking her family's van which was their only means of transportation.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

He failed the marriage test. Not a year married and already scaping from reality? He was not ready to be a husband and appears either to be a father. You deserved better. He's totally hooked up with this fantasy woman. It would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic.
This are the bare minimum conditions:
A NC letter.
Complete trnaparence in comunication devices so you can verify it.
Full disclosure.
IC for him.
MC later.
As he's totally doing the opposite you need to stop confronting him. Start detaching so you can think more clearly, not in that emotional state, and you will make more rational decisions.
Imnplement imediately the 180 -> The 180 degree rules, expose this affair to relevan people, people who could get your husband head straigh putting some pressure on him, as ther ILs. Talk to a lawyer, get your doks in row. Start moving on with your life. envision a future without him.

Take care of yourself. Eat and drink properly.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

So you're pregnant right now and he is putting you through this crap? That guy is a real class act.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

What an Idiot. I just watched a dateline where a woman posed being a hot blonde and was really a middle aged attention *****. She got this married guy all in love with her. Then she broke it off and tried to get some other guy. She gets rejected and gaslights the married guy into killing other dude. Then he finds out he did all of this for a middle aged attention ***** rather than an 22 year old hot blonde.
Purely online relationships are dangerous and 100% fantasy. Your H is obviously ignorant. Also don't be surprised if he has given her money. This type of scam is a favorite of Nigerians.
At this point you need to confront him. Cut all ties with this OW. Don't be nice about it. If he won't let her go then leave his sorry ass. If he can't even afford to keep his car running how is he going to be meeting this OW. I would open a second bank account and have any money you make go to that.


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## Mad as hell (Aug 23, 2012)

I think the more u telling him to stop communicating, is the more he is doing it, Let him know how you feel about it and leave it at that, maybe one day he will realise how important you are to him.

Sorry about this.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

badbane said:


> What an Idiot. I just watched a dateline where a woman posed being a hot blonde and was really a middle aged attention *****. She got this married guy all in love with her. Then she broke it off and tried to get some other guy. She gets rejected and gaslights the married guy into killing other dude. Then he finds out he did all of this for a middle aged attention ***** rather than an 22 year old hot blonde.
> Purely online relationships are dangerous and 100% fantasy. Your H is obviously ignorant. Also don't be surprised if he has given her money. This type of scam is a favorite of Nigerians.
> At this point you need to confront him. Cut all ties with this OW. Don't be nice about it. If he won't let her go then leave his sorry ass. If he can't even afford to keep his car running how is he going to be meeting this OW. I would open a second bank account and have any money you make go to that.


What happened to this online woman?

Anyway, OP hasn't been back in over 20 days. Another post and run.


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