# Trust issue



## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

I've always had a hard time trusting people. My husband and I have are having issues now because of this. A couple of years ago I found that my husband had been looking up a female co-worker very often on facebook. He claimed that it was nothing, that she was just a friend and he was curious about what she was up to. He never told me about her. He said he searched her online and didnt actually become facebook friends with her because he knew I would be insecure about her. They talked and texted occasionally on the phone but not super often. She was happily married. For me it seemed like my husband had a crush on her. He was also dealing with depression at the time. As silly as it sounds I still cringe when I hear or see her name. The other day I was feeling insecure and brought up the past. It angered him and in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends. I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Feelinglost2 said:


> I've always had a hard time trusting people. My husband and I have are having issues now because of this. A couple of years ago *I found that my husband had been looking up a female co-worker very often on facebook. He claimed that it was nothing, that she was just a friend and he was curious about what she was up to. He never told me about her. He said he searched her online and didnt actually become facebook friends with her because he knew I would be insecure about her. They talked and texted occasionally on the phone but not super often.* She was happily married. For me it seemed like my husband had a crush on her. He was also dealing with depression at the time. As silly as it sounds I still cringe when I hear or see her name. *The other day I was feeling insecure and brought up the past. It angered him and in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends.* I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.


It does sound like a crush. It also sounds like your H is defiant by nature--something I can understand. It's not good, or healthy.

Why do you have issues trusting people?
How did you bring it up? Can you describe the conversation, and how it went in some more detail?


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

I saw an old post she made on a mutual friends picture and for whatever reason all the bad feelings came racing back even though we had been doing really good fir the past year or so. I brought it up by showing it to him and asking him if he had searched her anymore. This made him angry and he said he just doesn't understand why I don't trust him. He is still adamant that they were just friends and that he was never attracted to her. He says I'm hurting him by not trusting him. I'm nit sure where my trust issues come from. My parents were married 50 years before my dad passed. No infedility. I'm trying to 
figure that out myself and get help for it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think you two need to be in MC (marriage counseling). You have some trust issues, but it doesn't mean there isn't some justification for it. Or maybe there isn't justification. Either way, his reaction is harmful to the marriage.

I would suggest some good relationship books, too. "His Needs, Her Needs" would be a good start for both of you. For you alone I suggest "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". I think it would give you some verbal tools which would improve your confidence in having conversations with him.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Here is something to think about: Why would you want to continue to be married to a man who would hurt you on purpose?


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

Also for him, remaining facebook friends with her and me being okay with it is a way for me to show that I trust him and believe him. Part of me wishes I could be okay with it and not cringe when I see her like or comment on his stuff. Wish I was strong enough and confident enough to not let it get to me.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

jld said:


> Here is something to think about: Why would you want to continue to be married to a man who would hurt you on purpose?


I agree. But on the same note that is what he says too. He says my mistrust is what caused this and that I have hurt him for years with my mistrust. He is right about my mistrust. I've never trusted him like I should.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

Thor said:


> I think you two need to be in MC (marriage counseling). You have some trust issues, but it doesn't mean there isn't some justification for it. Or maybe there isn't justification. Either way, his reaction is harmful to the marriage.
> 
> I would suggest some good relationship books, too. "His Needs, Her Needs" would be a good start for both of you. For you alone I suggest "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". I think it would give you some verbal tools which would improve your confidence in having conversations with him.


Thank you. I will definitely look into those books. And counseling is in my plans even if it is just for myself to begin with.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Feelinglost2 said:


> I've always had a hard time trusting people. My husband and I have are having issues now because of this. A couple of years ago I found that my husband had been looking up a female co-worker very often on facebook. He claimed that it was nothing, that she was just a friend and he was curious about what she was up to. He never told me about her. He said he searched her online and didnt actually become facebook friends with her because he knew I would be insecure about her. They talked and texted occasionally on the phone but not super often. She was happily married. For me it seemed like my husband had a crush on her. He was also dealing with depression at the time. As silly as it sounds I still cringe when I hear or see her name. The other day I was feeling insecure and brought up the past. It angered him and in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends. I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.


There are two elements to your posting. You'll get plenty of replies saying he's doing something wrong.

But you began with, IMO, the more important issue.

Trust.

Trust, like happiness, is not something the outside world does to you. It is an inner belief, built upon an expectation that the world is generally a good place, with a smattering of things worth avoiding thrown in.

Over the four-plus decades I've had of working with literally thousands of people in a career that took me around the world, I have observed some things about people who do and don't trust. 

People who have a hard time trusting others inadvertently become untrustworthy. An example will help. Let's say I have a hard time trusting people. And, let's say I saw an online advertisement for a piece of machinery that I've been looking for, and it's for sale by a private owner. I have corresponded with this person and we've arranged to meet in a public place (safe) so I can inspect the machine. But - I don't trust. I start telling myself "he's probably got some scheme to rip me off" or "he'll probably be a no-show" and my selfishness (people who struggle to trust others are always a bit more self-centered than those who trust) will lead me to decide to simply not go. I have convinced myself that the other guy isn't trustworthy so I don't notify him - he'll probably just apply some form of guilt trip to get me to go and I don't want that. So the actuality that occurs is that the guy that I didn't trust DOES show up, and I'm the no-show. To an outside observer, which of us was trustworthy?

My wife struggles to trust anybody or anything. I no longer accept social engagements for both of us because of her long-standing habit of backing out at the last moment. What I tell folks is that she's very busy, and she might come along, it depends on whether she gets a break in her work.

Trust, like love or intimacy, is properly approached in a step-wise fashion. years ago I saw a wonderful article called "stages of intimacy" and wish I could find it. The idea is that you 100% trust even a stranger - for things that are appropriate to do with a stranger. I would trust a stranger to give me directions if I encountered him/her on a street corner. When dating, I trust whoever I set up the date with to show up on time and be fiscally capable of handling the expense. I trust neither of those people with my stories of personal tragedy or struggle. 

There's emotional intimacy and other kinds. We hold off sex with a new love because most of us feel vulnerable in the act, and knowing the other person emotionally, mentally and spiritually gives us more confidence in this most intimate of settings. I may trust a cashier at a grocery store to count out change correctly, but I would not trust that person to manage my retirement accounts - for that function, I find a person who has a long track record, and a lot of licenses, and whose explanation of his/her methods is compatible with my views on how to manage money.

If you struggle to trust, then I think this is a very good element of your character to investigate. I don't know of any books on the topic - I've never struggle to trust, so I've not looked into it..the only reason I took any kind of a dive into the topic was how to handle my un-trusting wife.

I have been told, by some friends who claim they evolved from a position of non-trust to trusting, that once you make the transition, you become amazingly better at seeing people for who they really are. Thus, an unexpected benefit occurs - you become LESS gullible, as a trusting person - than you were as an untrusting person.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

DustyDog said:


> Feelinglost2 said:
> 
> 
> > I've always had a hard time trusting people. My husband and I have are having issues now because of this. A couple of years ago I found that my husband had been looking up a female co-worker very often on facebook. He claimed that it was nothing, that she was just a friend and he was curious about what she was up to. He never told me about her. He said he searched her online and didnt actually become facebook friends with her because he knew I would be insecure about her. They talked and texted occasionally on the phone but not super often. She was happily married. For me it seemed like my husband had a crush on her. He was also dealing with depression at the time. As silly as it sounds I still cringe when I hear or see her name. The other day I was feeling insecure and brought up the past. It angered him and in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends. I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.
> ...


DustyDog...thank you. I appreciate this reply. I don't want to be this untrusting person. I just am not sure how to make my insecurity with this woman go away. I want to stop thinking of her as someone my husband thinks more of than me.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My question is the very first time you discovered he had been looking up a female co-worker on facebook, how did you make that discovery?

I think you may have a lot of un-resolved issues from that discovery.

Personally I would expect my wife to have a problem with me looking up a female co-worker on facebook even once if I didn't speak with her about it, let alone more than once. The last time I did look up a female co-worker on facebook was in 2006, and my wife was sitting beside me. 

And if my wife had to discover that activity from some other source than from me telling her, that would create a source of mis-trust between us. It would, for sure.

I could see that as un-resolved, and a continuing issue that causes you to not trust him.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Feelinglost2 said:


> in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends. I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.


I guess I'd tell my husband that if he feels the need to punish me over me expressing an insecurity that we are done.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Feelinglost2 said:


> He says my mistrust is what caused this.


So, you are responsible for HIS actions? If you have that much power in his life then he needs IC. 
What he is doing is abusive.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

WilliamM said:


> My question is the very first time you discovered he had been looking up a female co-worker on facebook, how did you make that discovery?
> 
> I think you may have a lot of un-resolved issues from that discovery.
> 
> ...


Honestly it started with mistrust. He was dealing with depression and shutting me out. I felt like something was off. So I looked at his phone and checked his search history on facebook and he had literally looked her up almost 15 times in one month. Definitely not making excuses for him but he was very depressed, not himself, and it was like he was looking for attention.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

Feelinglost2 said:


> WilliamM said:
> 
> 
> > My question is the very first time you discovered he had been looking up a female co-worker on facebook, how did you make that discovery?
> ...


He still insists it was just curiosity to see what she was up to and that he didn't just friend her then because he knew I wouldn't approve. And he is probably right. I wouldn't have.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I think you two need to resolve that issue, his crush on her and your discovery before you can get past anything else.

It's very similar to discovering an affair, just at a lower grade because he only had a crush on her. But it does open a rift which must be healed. 

It could possibly even be called an emotional affair, although one might think the other party may need to reciprocate for it to rise to that. However, I do think you are feeling it as though it is, even if you don't want to acknowledge it.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I think what your husband is doing is malicious and 100% in the wrong. Our intuition on these things is rarely wrong, so I feel you were justified in your upset over him looking up his coworker so much. Unfortunately, you allowed yourself to throw it at him in a combative way (whether you intended that or not) so he went on the defensive. He made his point, he needs to unfriend her now and not be such an insensitive jackass about this in the future. 

My personal opinion is that he DOES/DID have an attraction to her or interest in her beyond what he is admitting to. Very rarely does any of us continually seek out the same person on social media otherwise.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

WilliamM said:


> I think you two need to resolve that issue, his crush on her and your discovery before you can get past anything else.
> 
> It's very similar to discovering an affair, just at a lower grade because he only had a crush on her. But it does open a rift which must be healed.
> 
> It could possibly even be called an emotional affair, although one might think the other party may need to reciprocate for it to rise to that. However, I do think you are feeling it as though it is, even if you don't want to acknowledge it.



You are right. I can admit it. It does feel like an affair even though it wasn't but to him that is silly. To him I made it much more than it was and he is just tired of discussing it. He wants it be done and has told me several times to stop bringing it up. It was 2 years ago so maybe he is right but adding her now on FB just opened that wound back up.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, I don't believe for a second anyone would peruse someone's profile multiple times out of curiosity alone. I suspect you don't think so either, even though you want to believe it could have been.

I think he had a crush on her.

Even if he didn't, you need to acknowledge that is how you feel. The worst thing you can do with jealousy is deny you feel jealous. Trying to say you shouldn't feel jealous doesn't make it go away.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Feelinglost2 said:


> I agree. But on the same note that is what he says too. He says my mistrust is what caused this and that I have hurt him for years with my mistrust. He is right about my mistrust. I've never trusted him like I should.


Sweetheart, he, same as anyone, will get the trust he has *earned.* No one is entitled to it.

I think he is very manipulative.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You will never get past it until you sort it out with counseling, with your husband. It is not something you can just forget. It is not something he can just tell you to forget.

Both of your feelings matter. He can't trivialize your feelings just because he doesn't want you to feel that way. He needs to acknowledge how you feel, and you two need to act on a guided program to get over this. His program of just continuing to deny and ignore will only cause this to continue to fester and cause problems for the rest of your lives.

And while this may objectively seem trivial compared to a real affair, it doesn't matter. It is what it feels like that matters. You must deal with the feelings. He must deal with the feelings.

Just trying to sweep it away by saying it was trivial is the worst possible action.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

By the way, as an aside: I think searching his phone was okay to do. My wife never has any reason to look at mine, but she grabs mine and looks through it from time to time. I have no secrets from my girl, and never will. I am proud to share everything with her.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

WilliamM said:


> By the way, as an aside: I think searching his phone was okay to do. My wife never has any reason to look at mine, but she grabs mine and looks through it from time to time. I have no secrets from my girl, and never will. I am proud to share everything with her.


Sounds like you are a great husband who has a wonderful wife. Thank you for all of your help. I greatly appreciate it. Hoping I can figure this all out and get rid of this empty feeling.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Feelinglost2 said:


> The other day I was feeling insecure and brought up the past. It angered him and in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends. I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.


My advice is to kick your husbands ass to next week!! Holy frack what a complete and utter JERK!!!!!!! 

First off, NO guy just looks at another womans facebook for no reason. He has the hots for her, be assured of that. Secondly, any husband whose response to his wife feeling insecure is to MAKE IT WORSE is a despicable person. DESPICABLE. 

He should be doing every damned thing he can think of to HELP you. not trying to make it sound like his desire to screw around is YOUR falut.

I am SO mad on your behalf right now. If your husband was in front of me right now I would drop kick him in the nuts.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

WilliamM said:


> I think you two need to resolve that issue, his crush on her and your discovery before you can get past anything else.
> 
> It's very similar to discovering an affair, just at a lower grade because he only had a crush on her. But it does open a rift which must be healed.
> 
> It could possibly even be called an emotional affair, although one might think the other party may need to reciprocate for it to rise to that. However, I do think you are feeling it as though it is, even if you don't want to acknowledge it.


I'd bet my house that her husband has screwed around on her and gone FAR beyond 'just a crush'. Any guy who acts like him is looking for it.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> WilliamM said:
> 
> 
> > I think you two need to resolve that issue, his crush on her and your discovery before you can get past anything else.
> ...



I felt that maybe he did at first. This started over 2 years ago. But I haven't found any evidence of cheating. I even reached out to her back then and she said she thought of him as a work friend. I felt she was being sincere. She doesn't know that he was looking her up. I didn't tell her. Maybe I should have. She was newly married at the time and seemed happy and they now have a child. I think this was one-sided. Although I appreciate all of the different views and help.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Feelinglost2 said:


> You are right. I can admit it. It does feel like an affair even though it wasn't but to him that is silly. To him I made it much more than it was and he is just tired of discussing it. He wants it be done and has told me several times to stop bringing it up. It was 2 years ago so maybe he is right but adding her now on FB just opened that wound back up.


I agree his original actions sound like he had a crush on her. Taking actions on his feelings for her were wrong. As humans, we are not in control of whom we become attracted to, but we are in control of how we react. We all have emotional or sexual attractions to other people we are not married to. But we can choose to remove ourselves from the situation and thus let the feelings pass.

But when we act on those attractions it becomes disloyal to our marriage. He was disloyal to you and the marriage by looking up this woman many times on FB. There is no indication she reciprocated or that there was anything more than him having this crush, so this wasn't an affair but it was a disloyalty. He made a mistake choosing to look at her on FB like that. He was wrong to do that.

Now maybe you are and maybe you aren't overly sensitive regarding trust. You are justified in not wanting him to have any contact with this woman. Him friending her to spite you was a very harmful and wrong thing to do.

Frankly, his blame shifting onto you is a big red flag. It is cheater-speak, and we see it here all the time. So is the "Just Friends" line he gave you. It is very destructive to you being able to trust him or feel emotional intimacy with him. This is something a marriage therapist would work on.

On this specific issue with his actions and this woman, I think you are in the right. Trust your gut! Also, you have the right to feel about it any way you do. Your feelings are yours.

Idk if you're generally too suspicious. That's something to pursue in MC. But in this particular event I think you are well within normal.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Feelinglost2 said:


> I felt that maybe he did at first. This started over 2 years ago. But I haven't found any evidence of cheating. I even reached out to her back then and she said she thought of him as a work friend. I felt she was being sincere. She doesn't know that he was looking her up. I didn't tell her. Maybe I should have. She was newly married at the time and seemed happy and they now have a child. I think this was one-sided. Although I appreciate all of the different views and help.


My point is that there are probably others he's done this with. This is the only one you've found so it's the only one he's admitted anything about. And he's only admitting what you already know. Ever hear of the iceberg rule? Cheaters only admit to what's above the surface, which is always 10% or less of what's actually there. BELIEVE it - they ALL do it.

Cheaters LIE. Every last one lies. Any man who acts like your husband deserves nothing less than his clothes in garbage bags on the curb. I know you'd like to think your husband is the exception to all the rules, but he isn't, and his behaviour only proves it.

I notice you aren't commenting on my other post.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Here is something to think about: Why would you want to continue to be married to a man who would hurt you on purpose?


Exactly.

When you first brought it to his attention, he should have gone NC on social media..

He ignored your fears.

Then, he took your fears and "angrily" rubbed them in you face. He purposely befriended her on Face Book.

This is direct "in your Face" ....Bucking proper respect. 
Spouses should be happy if the other person guards your marriage against predators.

It shows they care.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

You can't trust someone who stalks crushes on the sly, OP.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> My advice is to kick your husbands ass to next week!! Holy frack what a complete and utter JERK!!!!!!!
> 
> First off, NO guy just looks at another womans facebook for no reason. He has the hots for her, be assured of that. Secondly, any husband whose response to his wife feeling insecure is to MAKE IT WORSE is a despicable person. DESPICABLE.
> 
> ...


BooWap!

I will never visit your house in Canada.

Not even with an oversize Kevlar Jock Cup.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

SunCMars said:


> BooWap!
> 
> I will never visit your house in Canada.
> 
> Not even with an oversize Kevlar Jock Cup.


You'd be fine - you aren't a lying cheating bastard.


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## Feelinglost2 (May 8, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> Feelinglost2 said:
> 
> 
> > The other day I was feeling insecure and brought up the past. It angered him and in order to hurt me he sent her a friend request and they are now facebook friends. I feel really stupid but when I see her like or comment on his posts my heart sinks. I need help figuring out how to get passed this. He is not willing to unfriend her and feels that I should trust him and be ok with their friendship. Please give any advice that you can offer. I feel lost.
> ...


Trying to read all these and think and figure things out. I agree he should be helping me with my insecurities. I guess I should add that back when that happened he deleted his facebook for almost 2 years to prove to me that it was nothing. I have brought it up several times over the 2 year span and sometimes he did try to reassure me. Then about 2 months ago he opened a FB account again. He did talk to me before doing it and we agreed that he would be careful about who he friended ,etc. He gave me the password. I did log in twice and there was nothing out of the norm. But when I brought it up the other day he blew up....said it hurt that I still didn't trust him after all this time....that is when he friended her and changed his password. Then texted me to tell me he had done so. I am not making excuses for him but also trying to be very honest. I don't think it is fair for me to sound like I'm perfect either.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Feelinglost2 said:


> Trying to read all these and think and figure things out. I agree he should be helping me with my insecurities. I guess I should add that back when that happened he deleted his facebook for almost 2 years to prove to me that it was nothing. I have brought it up several times over the 2 year span and sometimes he did try to reassure me. Then about 2 months ago he opened a FB account again. He did talk to me before doing it and we agreed that he would be careful about who he friended ,etc. He gave me the password. I did log in twice and there was nothing out of the norm. But when I brought it up the other day he blew up....said it hurt that I still didn't trust him after all this time....that is when he friended her and changed his password. Then texted me to tell me he had done so. I am not making excuses for him but also trying to be very honest. I don't think it is fair for me to sound like I'm perfect either.


I think you probably need some individual counseling for your insecurities. He probably needs the same for his depression, and to address this spiteful / defiant attitude.

Marital counseling may help, but unless you both can resolve your personal issues, it'll likely just creep back up. Maybe a marital counselor could help you both address your issues together, I don't know.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

The problem may lie in his attitude. While he deleted his FaceBook page at that time, you had to discover the actions on your own, for instance. He may have deleted his page, but may have done so with anger on his face, for instance. Often times reality is in a look, a glance.

The fact he so readily looked up the same person two years later is odd, I think. I don't even remember the name of the co-worker I looked up on FaceBook back in 2006, when I was working in development at some super high-tech company. The reason I did that time was because the co-worker had propositioned me at work. I wanted Mary to see the cute babe who was coming onto me. 

The important thing is I told Mary about it right away, and included Mary in everything that was happening. That's so important. 

That co-worker was a twenty something intern. A month later she got busted having sex with some other engineer, somebody who said yes, and she got terminated from the intern program. Of course the guy wasn't even reprimanded.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

By the way, none of us are perfect. I know I am far from perfect. I just try to keep Mary fooled. She says I do a good job of it, though!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WilliamM said:


> The problem may lie in his attitude. While he deleted his FaceBook page at that time, you had to discover the actions on your own, for instance. He may have deleted his page, but may have done so with anger on his face, for instance. Often times reality is in a look, a glance.
> 
> The fact he so readily looked up the same person two years later is odd, I think. I don't even remember the name of the co-worker I looked up on FaceBook back in 2006, when I was working in development at some super high-tech company. The reason I did that time was because the co-worker had propositioned me at work. I wanted Mary to see the cute babe who was coming onto me.
> 
> ...


Wow.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

jld said:


> Wow.


And you would think with it being a very high tech company, all shiny new stuff like, in a western state, that they would at least try to be somewhat fair. But they said it was because she was an intern, and had nothing to do with her sex. The intern was terminated, the senior engineer was okay.

He said he was verbally warned about public indecency because he was caught, but since it was only verbal it doesn't go into any records, so it's like nothing.

It was just the old boys network.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WilliamM said:


> And you would think with it being a very high tech company, all shiny new stuff like, in a western state, that they would at least try to be somewhat fair. But they said it was because she was an intern, and had nothing to do with her sex. The intern was terminated, the senior engineer was okay.
> 
> He said he was verbally warned about public indecency because he was caught, but since it was only verbal it doesn't go into any records, so it's like nothing.
> 
> It was just the old boys network.


Sad.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

We have fun thread-jacking!

I think the company over-reacted. But that company has always had a policy of pruning out people all the time, so it was no surprise. I just think firing someone over having sex in their car is a bit much. I thought a gorgeous twenty something propositioning me kept me interested in getting to work on time every day, for sure. I was 52 years old at that time. 

I've never done it in a parking lot, though, only along the side of spooky dark roads. OOOOOOhhhhhh!

FaceBook, the bane of modern society. I don't even have a FaceBook page. My wife set up a fake FaceBook page a while ago so she could look at some relative's page, and she had trouble getting permission from the system to have a page. The fake names she tried kept getting denied. I had to laugh at the names she was trying, though. 

FaceBook, what's it good for? Absolutely NUTHIN!

Isn't there a song like that?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Feelinglost2 said:


> Trying to read all these and think and figure things out. I agree he should be helping me with my insecurities. I guess I should add that back when that happened he deleted his facebook for almost 2 years to prove to me that it was nothing. I have brought it up several times over the 2 year span and sometimes he did try to reassure me. Then about 2 months ago he opened a FB account again. He did talk to me before doing it and we agreed that he would be careful about who he friended ,etc. He gave me the password. I did log in twice and there was nothing out of the norm. But when I brought it up the other day he blew up....said it hurt that I still didn't trust him after all this time....that is when he friended her and changed his password. Then texted me to tell me he had done so. I am not making excuses for him but also trying to be very honest. I don't think it is fair for me to sound like I'm perfect either.


You aren't making yourself out to be perfect - why do you think that?? If anything you sound defeated, unsure, downtrodden and desperate. And it's your husband who is making you this way - your HUSBAND. The guy who's supposed to cherish you and love you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It makes me SO mad that people treat other people the way your husband is treating you. SO mad. :FIREdevil::FIREdevil::FIREdevil:


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## WhiplashWish (Mar 20, 2017)

Yeah, "punishing" you, OP, by friending someone is a **** move - and he's just using your behavior as an excuse to do what he wanted to do in the first place. He needs to undo what he's done and work on things *with* you, not to spite you.


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