# Is it true ALL men cheat...or at least want to?



## 2hearts (Mar 7, 2014)

My husband of 15 years is very honest...at least I think he is! Prior to getting married he slept with many woman....when we first got married we were intimate daily for about the first 5 years...then after starting a family things started to change

I typically do it all! Work full time, do everything around the house, tend to the kids. He works a physically demanding job, "used" to make more money than me, and felt that it was up to me to do it all since he was the larger bread winner. Well needless to say I resent that he does nothing to help me out, and when I get to bed Im out majority of the time.

He claims that he doesn't think he can e with just me for the rest of his life....that all men cheat...and he resents that he's the only friggin man on earth that tries to do the right thing and that its killing him. Really he hates woman....had a terrible upbringing and looks as woman as objects (except me). He says he wants to be physical with other woman...not emotional that he just wants other woman. He claims its unnatural for men to be with one woman physically! He loves porn, fantasizes all the time, and flirts constantly!...makes me crazy!

So is it true? I figured out that he joined a sex site for locals a couple of weeks ago and he immediately deleted the account and told me it popped up on a porn site and he just wanted to see what it was about....

Three days ago I found a text he sent to my nephews wife....very vulgar. Basically saying he thought she was a tease and to let him know when she wanted to play....she responded back that although she felt some chemistry with him...she never would and that he should delete the text before someone got hurt....well that someone was me because his dumb a.. Didnt delete the deletes!

So is it true...do all men cheat or think about cheating...I need a mans perspective! Do you think he could be a sex addict without cheating! He's blankly honest about everything so I believe him when he says he hasn't cheated...yet.... Does it sound like I'm a fool! Just don't know what to do...therapy....divorce....we have kids so I want to stick it out...but am I destined for failure?


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## timedoesnothealall (Sep 15, 2013)

Your basic question is presented as an absolute: ALL MEN.
Based on that, I'd say that not ALL men would or do cheat.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

No, all men do not cheat. I don't and I have been married for 35 years. Do all men want to cheat? I don't know about everyone else but I don't. Are all men tempted? I'll go out on a limb and say yes. But being tempted and acting on it are two different things. Can a man be a sex addict and not cheat? Yes, it's possible, but not likely, especially with an attitude like your husband's. Sounds to me like your husband may be justifying an affair he's already in, so when you find out he can just say "see I told you so." And if he's not cheating, he's looking. 


/Warning Will Robinson, Warning!!!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Years ago I was on Active Duty in the Army. I led a conference and there were several hundred women. Many wives of deployed soldiers. One night most of us got pretty drunk. Two wives wanted me to walk them back to their room in the resort. I did. They were beautiful women. 10 years younger then me. I dropped them off at their room and went to my room on the second floor. They began to call me on my phone in my room. They described what they were doing to each other and wanted me to join them. I told them to go to sleep. They kept calling. Then they came up and called me from their cell phone and told me to look out my room door's peephole. They were both naked and doing sexual acts on each other and begged me to let them in.

I did not allow them in my room and I went to bed.

Did I want to? Sure. Did I? No. 

am I a saint? Nope. But I would not give in to this. My wife cheated on me several times. Does this make all wives' cheaters? No.

It has to do with boundaries. 

One night with two hotties would have been fun. But I for one would not have been able to live with myself.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

2hearts said:


> My husband of 15 years is very honest...at least I think he is! Prior to getting married he slept with many woman....when we first got married we were intimate daily for about the first 5 years...then after starting a family things started to change
> 
> I typically do it all! Work full time, do everything around the house, tend to the kids. He works a physically demanding job, "used" to make more money than me, and felt that it was up to me to do it all since he was the larger bread winner. Well needless to say I resent that he does nothing to help me out, and when I get to bed Im out majority of the time.


Now that you make more money, does he assume that it is up to him to do everything now? If he still assumes you should do it all, have you told him he is wrong and you need his help? (not while you are fighting, but in a calm collected and direct kind of way: "I need you to do X,Y and Z to help me around the house, and whenever possible I would like for you to be proactive in finding things to do that help so I dont end up telling you what to do all the time.")



2hearts said:


> He claims that he doesn't think he can e with just me for the rest of his life....that all men cheat...and he resents that he's the only friggin man on earth that tries to do the right thing and that its killing him. Really he hates woman....had a terrible upbringing and looks as woman as objects (except me).


If he claims he cant be with just you for the rest of his life, why did he agree to get married and took vows that made you believe otherwise?

Its killing him to live with a woman who will work cook and clean handle the kids and still tries to take cafe of his needs physically? Poor him, how on earth does he survive such torture?

Please dont kid yourself about his outlook on you being an object, the way you describe how he acts and what he thinks is right and wrong in terms of kids and housework makes me 100% certain that you are indeed included in that view. 




2hearts said:


> He says he wants to be physical with other woman...not emotional that he just wants other woman. He claims its unnatural for men to be with one woman physically! He loves porn, fantasizes all the time, and flirts constantly!...makes me crazy!


You need to establish some healthy marital boundaries and figure out a way to enforce them. I highly suggest you start seeing an individual counselor and begin working on boundaries.

Its not appropriate for a person in a committed relationship to be flirting with anyone other than their spouse. Porn and fantasy can be part of the sex-life if they are shared/directed at you an not simply a self serving tool for him to get off whenever he wants, but that takes an open communicative relationship and I dont think you guys are there yet. 



2hearts said:


> So is it true? I figured out that he joined a sex site for locals a couple of weeks ago and he immediately deleted the account and told me it popped up on a porn site and he just wanted to see what it was about....
> 
> Three days ago I found a text he sent to my nephews wife....very vulgar. Basically saying he thought she was a tease and to let him know when she wanted to play....she responded back that although she felt some chemistry with him...she never would and that he should delete the text before someone got hurt....well that someone was me because his dumb a.. Didnt delete the deletes!
> 
> So is it true...do all men cheat or think about cheating...I need a mans perspective! Do you think he could be a sex addict without cheating! He's blankly honest about everything so I believe him when he says he hasn't cheated...yet.... Does it sound like I'm a fool! Just don't know what to do...therapy....divorce....we have kids so I want to stick it out...but am I destined for failure?


I have never thought about cheating, nor do I think its normal for a man to constantly be thinking of having sex with someone other than his wife. 

My eyeballs and brain will occasionally glance at a woman while I'm out in public and do the basic male assessment of genetic viability, but the thought never really manifests beyond the "she fits within my basic idea of what a viable mate would look like and would be worthy of my penis" if the thought ever lingers beyond that moment, I normally nudge my wife and point out the person I'm looking at and say stuff like "I think shes cute" or "You'd look good in that dress." Flirting is very much off the table and off my radar.

As far a sex addiction goes, it is a very real disorder, and can be diagnosed by a professional. Even sex addicts can learn to live in monogamous relationships without crossing healthy marital boundaries. That requires counseling and work, but all things in life worth doing require work.

If you are looking for reasons to stay with this guy, please do not let your children, social standing, finances, or any other superficial thing be the reason. Only your own desire to improve the relationship and his unwavering commitment to do the same should be a reason to try and make it work.

Hope this helps give you some direction.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

2hearts said:


> My husband of 15 years is very honest...at least I think he is! Prior to getting married he slept with many women.


 OK, I'm going to rant here - I cannot bear to see a human being treated this way. 
Nothing unusual about him being with lots of women before marriage. Many men and *WOMEN* have lots of bf/gfs before they settle. 


> I typically do it all! Work full time, do everything around the house, tend to the kids. He works a physically demanding job, "used" to make more money than me, and felt that it was up to me to do it all since he was the larger bread winner. Well needless to say I resent that he does nothing to help me out, and when I get to bed Im out the majority of the time.


And so you should resent it. He's a chauvinist. What are you, the nanny and housekeeper as well as holding down a job? This is NOT the 1950s. 


> He claims that he doesn't think he can just be with me for the rest of his life....that all men cheat...and he resents that he's the only friggin man on earth that tries to do the right thing and that its killing him.


Are you kidding me? The only man on earth??? Then think about divorcing his sorry ass. You work and do all the caring of the kids and household stuff anyway. So your life wouldn't be much different except you wouldn't have to listen to his toxic nonsense. 
Sure men AND women will occasionally notice someone attractive. From there it all depends on whether they act on it. 


> Really he hates woman....had a terrible upbringing and looks as woman as objects (except me). He says he wants to be physical with other woman...not emotional that he just wants other woman. He claims its unnatural for men to be with one woman physically! He loves porn, fantasizes all the time, and flirts constantly!...makes me crazy!


He hates women? But just wants to have sex with them? What is he, an animal with just basic instincts? Because that's what he's declaring himself to be with those two statements. 
It would make anyone crazy. It is totally and utterly unacceptable. Do NOT make excuses for him because of his upbringing.


> So is it true?


The fact that you are asking the question shows that he has brainwashed you. If the world was as he says, we'd be living in a zoo. 


> Three days ago I found a text he sent to my nephews wife....very vulgar. Basically saying he thought she was a tease and to let him know when she wanted to play.


OP, this is so awful just to read. He is acting on it. What would he have done had she said yes? Your nephew's wife? Please, please, please tell your nephew. He deserves to know. 


> So is it true...do all men cheat or think about cheating...


I wasn't even going to answer that but consider all the betrayed *MALE* spouses on TAM who are devastated and wanted a faithful wife and have always been faithful. And all those married men around the world who must be living a tortured existence according to him. What he is saying is CRAP. 


> Just don't know what to do...therapy....divorce....we have kids so I want to stick it out...but am I destined for failure?


Imagine you stay and one day your kids are grown up and you tell them about all this. Do you know what they are likely to say? "Mom, you shouldn't have stayed for us and taken such abusive treatment." What would you say to your Mom had she stayed in such a situation?

Time to take action and shock him and STAND UP TO HIM. Get D papers, throw them on the table and tell him you will NOT put up with it any more. Also tell him that you will tell all your family and friends what he has been saying to get THEIR opinion on whether all 'men' are would-be cheaters their whole life long. 

You are in an abusive relationship with a chauvinistic and cruel bully. I think you should seek counselling for yourself to make you see that, to make you not doubt yourself and to make you stand up to him.

I hope you don't mind my replying even though I'm not a guy! I'm sure the TAM chaps on here will give you plenty of feedback.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

I have never cheated on any girl I have been with. I have been faithful in heart and mind, yet basically every serious relationship I have had, my girlfriend has cheated on me. Only one I am not sure about is my stbxw, but all the red flags are there, and as the dust is settling I am beginning to figure out who, how & when.

So no, not all men cheat. And indeed, from where I am standing, it is emphatically the other way around.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I did not cheat on my first wife or my second. I loved them both, just not very well, apparently. I loved them more than I could want to cheat. Maybe it was dedication to the commitment of marriage? I don't know. I just know, when I did have a chance, I immediately thought of them and could not bring myself to hurt them. Maybe I was mistaken about how important that would have been to them? I don't know that either, but I knew how I might feel and how I did feel. Even after being cheated on, I could not bring myself to do it when the opportunity arose. Love? I think that's what they call that?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

_So is it true...do all men cheat or think about cheating..._

No.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

No, not all men commit adultery. I haven't.

Could I? I'd like to think not, but who knows in the right (wrong?) circumstances?


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Nope. I never cheated on my ex. Had dozens of opportunities. Was pursued hard by a ton of chicks. 

But I never fvcked another woman. I loved my ex completely. 

Too bad she didn't feel or act the same eh. 


Before my wife tho. 

Um, yeah I was a complete and utter dog. I cheated on most of my girlfriends with multiple chicks. I was a real d!ck in those days. 


The key for a man is love and respect. 

If you truly are in love with your wife and respect her and respect what you have together. YOU WILL NEVER STRAY. 

Hence why I could never be married to her past her affair. A lot of the love and all the respect went out the window. Now she's just another ho on my rotation.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

absolute horse hockey! Never did, never wanted to.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Does all men think that honesty and integrity are just buzzwords? I don't believe so.

I've had opportunities, but passed the ultimative tests. But if you ask if I think about sex with other women than my wife? Yes, occassionally, but only for the thrill of the thought, a fantasy, and I wouldn't dream of betraying her. Should the thought become more real to me, I would talk with her about other ways to make that fantasy happen.

But it seems that it's quite modern to believe that everyone does it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

There are many statistics floating around but from what I see between 20 and 25% of men AND women cheat.

Other researchers claim in polls 70-75% of men and women claim they would cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught.

Your husband needs to get treatment for porn addiction.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Again, not all men cheat. Been married 17 years and haven't cheated on my wife. I'll never say never though because anyone can succumb to temptation if the situation occurs at the wrong time. I am not looking to cheat on my wife either. We're very happy with each other!

Your husband is an ass. You can do much better. FYI.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Whooie! 

No, all men don't cheat. 41 years with my wife, never lusted after another, and I don't pretend to be the perfect H. 

Your H is using that for as an excuse, to justify his selfish desires to himself. If there's something more he needs, it should be addressed with you and in MC/IC. Just going out to get laid isn't going to fix his problems, is only going to make more.

Stand your ground, do not take this bs. If there is something wrong with the marriage offer to work on it, but do not accept an open marriage. 

Here you might read these...

The Healing Heart: The 180

The-Divorce-Remedy-Program-Marriage

 Book Sample: Divorce Remedy


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I have never cheated. With my sexless ex, I had motive, opportunity, and desire, but still did not. Do I encounter women I'd like to have sex with? Sure, all the time. But, I don't.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Most men YES!! Most women I still say NO regardless of what this forum likes to portray.

We all pull from our experiences and in my world almost every divorce has been from the husband cheating. 

Secondly, follow the money!! Which gender supports billion dollar industries? Porn, sex, sex tapes, sex scandals, sex trafficking, prostitiutes, sugar babies, escorts, strip clubs, which gender supports this?

It's pretty clear which gender is in more need of sex, variety, and youth!


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Most men YES!! Most women I still say NO regardless of what this forum likes to portray.
> 
> We all pull from our experiences and in my world almost every divorce has been from the husband cheating.
> 
> ...


Sorry your so jaded.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Is it true ALL men cheat...or at least want to?

I know more woman who have cheated than men. In my experience woman are more likely. I only know of one serial cheater and that is a guy.
Men have more opportunities than woman but only consist of half of cheaters. If we take that as fact men are less likely to cheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Most men YES!! Most women I still say NO regardless of what this forum likes to portray.
> 
> We all pull from our experiences and in my world almost every divorce has been from the husband cheating.


In my experience, every single divorce I've seen except for 1 has been because of the wife cheating. Look at all the clubs where women go out to the meat market (clubs) to attract men on their GNOs.

And this is my second marriage, and second wife who cheated on me. See a pattern? 

Yet neither I, nor my brothers have ever cheated.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I have been told over and over that all men cheat. I refuse to believe it. Since coming to TAM, I have seen the anguish of the BHs. It is heartbreaking.

Your husband is a mess...and I do not believe for a moment that he is not already cheating.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I have never cheated and I have never wanted to even after 12 years of my wife's emotional disconnect. My self respect is my most treasured asset.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Most men YES!! Most women I still say NO regardless of what this forum likes to portray.
> 
> We all pull from our experiences and in my world almost every divorce has been from the husband cheating.
> 
> ...


I could only express your screen name, after I read this.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> In my experience, every single divorce I've seen except for 1 has been because of the wife cheating. Look at all the clubs where women go out to the meat market (clubs) to attract men on their GNOs.
> 
> And this is my second marriage, and second wife who cheated on me. See a pattern?
> 
> Yet neither I, nor my brothers have ever cheated.


 there is an anonymous survey out there somewhere that asks cheaters particular questions. It showed that women are much more likely to lie about cheating. I speculate the number of women that cheat is much higher than the survey portrays. I would assume around 60 to 65 percent of cheaters are women.

I blame on how girls are raised. Men are anti emotional in general. I believe fathers treat their daughters with distance when it comes to their emotions and what is going on in their head. This creates an anxiety in a long term relationships with men. Hence the reason that women don't like to speak their mind to their husbands because her husband has taken over the fatherly roll and she is just a teenager seeking a lover boy to escape from her father. Hence during the affair she acts like a teenage girl.

I have come to the conclusion due to the fact the women I know who have had affairs have terrible fathers.

I believe it also goes the same for men. But I have little experience with male cheaters to verify my suspicion.

What do you think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

No. Not all men cheat. And not all want to cheat. My dad was a truck driver for many years. He told stories of the "lot lizards" (the prostitutes haning around the truck stop parking lots). One time, a girl came knocking on his truck door and when he opened it, she mumbled something about keeping him company... or maybe it was the actual offer of sex. Like I said, she was mumbling, so he didn't quite catch what she said. But he knew enough that she was soliciting, and he told her, point blank, that he's happily married and has all he needs at home. That was the end of it.

Assuming we are specifically speaking about physical infidelity, I can say without a doubt that my husband has zero interest in cheating. Emotional...well, I can't say "never" because we both did that. But to have sex with someone else? Neither of us has interest in that. OP, your husband is full of it... you deserve better.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

richie33 said:


> Sorry your so jaded.


Please explain how and in what way? I would say argue with my point logically. I never said "All men cheat" the question was "Do all men cheat or want too" I said "Most do want to" which I think most people struggle with that at least once during their marriage, but more so men!

Your retort is Jaded, prove it? 

Money doesn't lie opinions vary! The money says MEN not women are the ones with the problem more times than not it is true . How many times do men say "Damnit, the wife is watching porn again with hot 21yr old college guys" hardly ever.

So, I believe many men don't cheat and won't cheat. There wouldn't be a 100 billion dollar sex industry if it wasn't for men!! That is a fact


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Please explain how and in what way? I would say argue with my point logically. I never said "All men cheat" the question was "Do all men cheat or want too" I said "Most do want to" which I think most people struggle with that at least once during their marriage, but more so men!
> 
> Your retort is Jaded, prove it?
> 
> ...


50 shades of grey
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> There wouldn't be a 100 billion dollar sex industry if it wasn't for men!! That is a fact


LOL... and women have no part in this? :rofl:


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Cloaked said:


> 50 shades of grey
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Confused?



anchorwatch said:


> LOL... and women have no part in this? :rofl:


What is :rofl: about that? Yes, they are the prize, the supply, the receiver of men's perversion.

Where is the sex industry that is supported by women? The huge porn, sex trade, male sex trafficking, male escorts (not gay), what about male rape does is that common? 

It's stupid for anyone to argue that MEN are equals in the cheating game or affair game. They always have been, and always will be, way way in the lead!! 

Show me in society where it is different and I will agree, unfortunately no one can because it's not there.

Women cheat and cheat alot, but not like men and not like the avarage man. Definitely don't think about sex as much as the average man and the market proves it!! The real world, $$$$, prove it.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Please explain how and in what way? I would say argue with my point logically. I never said "All men cheat" the question was "Do all men cheat or want too" I said "Most do want to" which I think most people struggle with that at least once during their marriage, but more so men!
> 
> Your retort is Jaded, prove it?
> 
> ...



Umm what??? Does this constitute an actual point of view or were you trying to be funny?

Please cite sources for the numbers you are throwing around. I'm especially interested to see the correlation between the money generated by the so called "sex industry" and men cheating. I'm also interested in seeing some numbers that support your claims about men being the sole consumers of adult entrainment.

Adult entertainment is dwarfed by the fashion and cosmetics industry, should I follow the money then and say that because women are the primary consumers of those industries they dont need sex and only care about clothes and lipstick?

Men and women both need sex. To say that one gender needs sex more than the other and because of that will always want/need to cheat only serves to marginalize and stereotype that gender.

Some men cheat, some women cheat, some men watch porn, and some women watch porn. Most people in committed relationships do not cheat, or dwell on cheating. It is certainly not the norm for either gender to obsess over cheating, and there have been plenty of responders in this thread to support that point.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Most men YES!! Most women I still say NO regardless of what this forum likes to portray.
> 
> We all pull from our experiences and in my world almost every divorce has been from the husband cheating.
> 
> ...


I have personally seen about 40 divorces of friends and colleagues. Every single one was from a wife that could not keep the wrong penis from between her legs. Women are every bit as degenerate as men.


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## Alecto (Sep 16, 2012)

Your husband is telling you that all men cheat or want to in order to try to make what he is doing sound reasonable. It's just him trying to justify why it's okay to come on to your nephew's wife (!) and sign up for affair sites behind your back.

You find yourself wanting to believe it because that would mean that you didn't really choose badly in your spouse, any man would eventually be like this. Believing it might make you feel better temporarily and might mean you could avoid the pain of divorce or being alone, or even the difficulty of attempting reconciliation or counseling, but in the end, you'll just regret putting up with it if his behavior and justification continues.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

2hearts said:


> My husband of 15 years is very honest...at least I think he is! Prior to getting married he slept with many woman....when we first got married we were intimate daily for about the first 5 years...then after starting a family things started to change
> 
> I typically do it all! Work full time, do everything around the house, tend to the kids. He works a physically demanding job, "used" to make more money than me, and felt that it was up to me to do it all since he was the larger bread winner. Well needless to say I resent that he does nothing to help me out, and when I get to bed Im out majority of the time.
> 
> ...


Not all men cheat, no.

But some types of men cheat. Sadly, your husband seems to be one of these. I'm sorry.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Paladin said:


> Now that you make more money, does he assume that it is up to him to do everything now? If he still assumes you should do it all, have you told him he is wrong and you need his help? (not while you are fighting, but in a calm collected and direct kind of way: "I need you to do X,Y and Z to help me around the house, and whenever possible I would like for you to be proactive in finding things to do that help so I dont end up telling you what to do all the time.")
> 
> 
> 
> ...


While glancing through this lengthy (and excellent) post, I thought Paladin was right...until I realized he did NOT call your husband a "self-serving tool"! 

So I'll fix that now: *2hearts, your husband is a self-serving TOOL!* and I mean that sincerely! 

*claps imaginery dust off hands*...another job done! :rofl:


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

No. I was married for 16 years and I never even came close to cheating. I not only never thought about it, I never put myself in any situation where it could happen.

Cheating isn't something a person is born to do, it's a conscious decision to do so.

The question to me is like asking if all women are b itches.

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 4


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> Is it true ALL men cheat...or at least want to?


 Yes, it is true. Ask any male cheater who gets caught or confesses.


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

Wouldn't that logic, or lack of it, apply to women as well phillybeffandswiss?

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 4


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Confused?


Are romance novels as bad for relationships as porn?
http://m.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/blogs/citykat/are-romance-novels-as-bad-for-relationships-as-porn-20120824-24rwh.html

That comment was to point out there two types of industries that appeal to the sexes. One is romance the other is porn. Both are destructive to relationships. Reason being they give an unrealistic expectation. A fantasy. If you're going to attack porn you need to also attack it's twin, romance media.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your H has you on the defensive with his expression of 'opinion.' What he is saying is really a threat, not an opinion. When you add his flirting, texting with other women, and activity on sex sites, he's very aggressively walking a cheating line.

I think you should respond with calm confidence. Tell him that you have a different idea about what married people should do; since you don't agree with his basic stance, you should just go your separate ways. See how he feels about being confronted with a threat to his cushy life.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Also tell him (calmly) that "*PEOPLE*" cheat and that it has nothing to do with gender. Tell him it's all about what kind of person they are. They are the kind of person no one wants to be married to!

Alte Dame is right. Keep your voice calm and in a low tone when you are talking to him. It is well known that people are taken much more seriously when they do that. He'll see you mean business and it will rattle him. When we shout and yell people just switch off and let us rant IMO.


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## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

"Are you kidding me? The only man on earth??? Then think about divorcing his sorry ass. You work and do all the caring of the kids and household stuff anyway. So your life wouldn't be much different except you wouldn't have to listen to his toxic nonsense. 
Sure men AND women will occasionally notice someone attractive. From there it all depends on whether they act on it. "

:iagree:


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Married almost 40 years and never cheated. 

I consider myself a good man. Who would ever do something like cheating to another person they are supposed to love and made vows? 

I have felt the pain from cheating and it bothers me. So there are some men who will not cheat. Tell your husband he has been terminated from speaking for all the males on the planet. He will have to get a new gig.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

nickgtg said:


> Wouldn't that logic, or lack of it, apply to women as well phillybeffandswiss?


No because that wasn't the purpose of her OP. I took it as her disbelief that her husband would actually use such a lame excuse. Yet, men have been labeled as cheating dogs, so she may have thought there was some truth in the statement. 

I ignored all of the other comments, addressing your specific issue above, too use extreme sarcasm. The title was illogical, her husbands comment was illogical and I sarcastically pointed out how illogical it is to fully trust a liar.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Most men YES!! Most women I still say NO regardless of what this forum likes to portray.
> 
> We all pull from our experiences and in my world almost every divorce has been from the husband cheating.
> 
> ...


Christ almighty! :scratchhead:


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

All people cheat men and woman.

In my years on here though I have to say the balance of that is a real surprise to me these days 

With the opportunity that true equality and technology has brought cheating is global by both

Only personal but I do have to say imo from what I see that womens place in this is on the up and rising


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Umm what??? Does this constitute an actual point of view or were you trying to be funny?

No POV 

Please cite sources for the numbers you are throwing around. I'm especially interested to see the correlation between the money generated by the so called "sex industry" and men cheating. I'm also interested in seeing some numbers that support your claims about men being the sole consumers of adult entrainment.

Have reading comrpehension problems or are you just out of the loop? I never said SOLE consumers, but primarily a male driven industry. How can you even argue that? Show me the male staffed brothels anywhere, show me porn that caters to women, how about strip clubs on every corner that women flock too, you can argue details, but really it's pretty obvious what gender has the bigger problem! If you disagree you are just being argumentative for arguments sake.

adult entertainment is dwarfed by the fashion and cosmetics industry, should I follow the money then and say that because women are the primary consumers of those industries they dont need sex and only care about clothes and lipstick?

Men and women both need sex. To say that one gender needs sex more than the other and because of that will always want/need to cheat only serves to marginalize and stereotype that gender.

Yes, I am marginilizing and stereotyping men and I am a man! Our conversations are different, our desire to look, stare, wander, are different. Again follow the money, follow the buying and selling of women, rape cases, molestation cases, men are the primary offender in all of this behavior, not women, why is that? You can say give me the data? I'm a engineer and love datapoints as much as the next guy, but just use your head and look at the world G8 nations and 3rd world it's very obvious. Compare the genders men in any society trump women in all of those indicators.

Some men cheat, some women cheat, some men watch porn, and some women watch porn. Most people in committed relationships do not cheat, or dwell on cheating. It is certainly not the norm for either gender to obsess over cheating, and there have been plenty of responders in this thread to support that point.

You are on a marriage forum of course you will find very opinionated views especially from faithful men/women who don't want to be labelled and that's fine. Don't think TAM is accurate slice of the populus. Do most or many men think of cheating, want to cheat, or actually cheat at some point. I firmly believe YES! I see it constantly!! A group of men all 39-51 just got back from a business trip at work 9 guys and ALL married. What do you think they did? Strip clubs, lap dances, etc is that cheating? Many say NO, but did they tell their wives? "Hell NO!!" Who knows what happened when they went back to their hotels!! All were fairly drunk as the story goes. This is every business trip unless someone is really religious or in upper management they will usually just go back to the hotel after dinner.

I personally have been on at least 50 trips for work in the last 13 years with all types of engineers, managers, hourly, etc and I would say 95% of all the guys have ALWAYS WANTED to hit strip clubs and get drunk while AWAY ON BUSINESS. Most of the women are content with dinner and a good nights rest, but a few would party down and get crazy too. It's that women don't it's just men do ALOT more! 

The same goes for when clients come here and I host.....the guys want to crazy the women are much more relaxed and normal.



***We can argue this all day long. Is the fashion industry supported primarily by women.........that is a trick question, but is cosmetics? You bet it is!! You arguing that men aren't the primary reason for a sex industry is like me saying women aren't the primary reason for the make up industry......it's almost stupid to argue.***

****As for the guy who said I know 40 women who cheated!! Bullcrap, you are embellishing and probably just some bitter guy who has been hurt. I doubt you even know 40 divorced people let alone 40 wives that you know started affairs first.......unless you are just counting forum posts!!****

I'm done we agree to disagree  have a great weekend!!


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Umm what??? Does this constitute an actual point of view or were you trying to be funny?
> 
> I'm done we agree to disagree  have a great weekend!![/COLOR]


Are you okay ?

In this day and age woman cheat just as much as men if not more 

That's that 

There's little else to say, no matter who much spin or how much sarcasm you inject into your comments 

Both sexes cheat now a much as ever and due to increasing women's equality of the last 100 years and modern technology woman just as much as men 

Are your over a thousand other posts all like this ?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Headspin said:


> Are you okay ?
> 
> In this day and age woman cheat just as much as men if not more
> 
> ...


That's that........lol. So, you believe a Q/A session with resondents that get's extrapolated across whole countries as your evidence?

Women aren't even close, but we could agree on gaining  it doesn't matter it's just a talking a point in the end.

The money rarely lies in this world. You follow it!! That includes housing, stock market, industries, trends, fashions, and until women are pervs like most men it's highly unlikely they cheat, want to cheat, or think about cheating with the prevalence a man does.

You can believe all of the low sample size questionaires you want!! Love the UK btw

We agree to disagree you think it's the same and I don't........weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

Not all men cheat or want to cheat. Your husband is not "the only man on the planet who tries to do the right thing." Many men are committed to their partners, and love and respect them enough not to succumb to temptation.

Your husband wants to have sex with other women, and is using his over-generalization of other men as justification for that. I am left to wonder why you married this man in the first place, since you acknowledge that he sees women as objects, has a strong sense of entitlement to privileges he has not earned, and basically you seem to get no benefit from the relationship.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I'm a man and I have never will never cheat. That is not to say that I'm not vulnerable to infidelity. We all are. But I'm aware of this possibility and I actively guard against it by maintaining solid boundaries and constantly engaging my wife in our marriage. If our marriage ever got to the point where cheating became a possibility I would divorce before going down that road. My own code of honor would not tolerate betrayal in any form.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Don't take the bait.


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

I never really felt the desire to cheat. Not going to lie, I have considered a RA directly after Dday. But before that nope. I took pride in being a good husband. A big part of being a good husband to me was being faithful. I kept/keep all relationships with female friends superficial (then again most of my friendships are superficial) so no deep personal talk and nothing I wouldn't say in front of my wife. I had way better boundaries than my wife did, and I'm the one that had the bad reputation. 

With that said I did check out other women. I mean I'm not blind. But finding another woman sexually attractive in no way means I want to cheat.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

.....I never cheated ...nor ever had the desire to do so ....even as a teen (where 'cheating' would have been more or less along the lines of dating another girl behind the back of your 'steady') . In fact as I look back to my teen years ...I had quite a bit of animosity toward guys that would do that. 

.....maybe it's that I was never a big 'ladies man' .... but, I always felt blessed that any girl would date me ...be near me ...etc. So, I suppose I felt like, "why invest so much of yourself in another ...just to screw it up ..and then to hurt someone else"?

....do I notice other women? Yup .. all the time. I'm married ...I'm not dead. But ...I've never had the desire to go further than just 'noticing'.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> That's that........lol. So, you believe a Q/A session with resondents that get's extrapolated across whole countries as your evidence?
> 
> Women aren't even close, but we could agree on gaining  it doesn't matter it's just a talking a point in the end.
> 
> ...


:scratchhead: Well okay if you say so ...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Oh Geesh in the main (no offense, OG - I respect your opinions but often don't agree).

I think TAM is not representative either of the willingness of wives to cheat or the desire of men to stay faithful.

I don't believe at all that all men cheat & the jury is out on whether ALL want to, but I think those are different questions than whether married men have ever had the desire to have sex with other women. Actual cheating/desire to cheat is a different question from admitting sexual thoughts and desires. If you read 'at least want to' as having the desire for sex with a different woman, then I think I am with Oh Geesh.

This being said, though, there is interesting research on the actual percentage of cheating wives that actually looks at the DNA of children in a marriage. A surprisingly (!) high percentage of children are not the biological children of the husband. Some of this may be related to samples. Some may be that a woman is pregnant and then ropes in a providing husband. Some of it is undoubtedly extramarital sex. In any case, it definitely appears that cheating by women is more on the quiet than the obvious prostitute-strip club-porn-fake business trip stuff that we openly see in society re male infidelity.

I also agree that cheating by women is on the rise. I think it has been since the birth control pill hit the scene.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

2hearts said:


> My husband of 15 years is very honest...at least I think he is....
> 
> I typically do it all! Work full time, do everything around the house, tend to the kids. He works a physically demanding job, "used" to make more money than me, and felt that it was up to me to do it all since he was the larger bread winner....
> 
> ...


Know you were looking for the male perspective, but I just had to quote all the red flags in your original post. WOW.

Please get Shirley Glass' book NOT Just Friends which explains about appropriate boundaries - you'll learn how your husband does not have a clue about them and does not respect marital boundaries OR you, for that matter! It also mentions how many affairs occur in cases where the the unfaithful spouse is in a situation of being the "overbenefited" spouse - that is, where the betrayed spouse does most of the work, and the unfaithful one gets to kick back and relax whenever he's at home. Warning! That's your situation!

One definition of cheating is: would you do it in front of your spouse. He's already done some things behind your back, so by that definition, he's already a cheater. And even though he SAYS he hasn't crossed the line physically - do you really think most cheaters announce the day when they've done that to their spouses?? Sorry to say, that day may already have come and gone. And if it hasn't yet, he's obviously looking forward to it. And he won't tell you when it arrives!!

I'm very sorry for what you're going through and I don't think the question you asked is really the issue. (And of course, the answer is no.) The issue is what are you going to do now that you know that what he's doing and saying is outrageous and disrespectful, and may indicate that he's about to cheat on you, if he hasn't already?


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## Tess112 (Mar 9, 2014)

Based on my personal experiences, most relationships I've seen self destruct are because the woman is usually cheating.

But to answer your question, no. Not all men cheat, and not all women cheat. I've never cheated on my guy.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> I never thought I'd say this, but *I agree with Oh Geesh in the main* (no offense, OG - I respect your opinions but often don't agree).
> 
> I think TAM is not representative either of the willingness of wives to cheat or the desire of men to stay faithful.
> 
> ...


Yes, indeed this was a surprise to me. It makes me question if I understood the premises correct. 

Could one of you clarify then? What you and OG are saying is, that almost all men and very few women occasionally are thinking about having their needs met by another person than their spouse? 

And this claim is founded on the claim that the sex industry by large outnumbers romantic, soft erotic literature, male stripping and similar activities?


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Have reading comrpehension problems or are you just out of the loop? I never said SOLE consumers, but primarily a male driven industry. How can you even argue that? Show me the male staffed brothels anywhere, show me porn that caters to women, how about strip clubs on every corner that women flock too, you can argue details, but really it's pretty obvious what gender has the bigger problem! If you disagree you are just being argumentative for arguments sake.


Not sure what "comrpehension" is, but if you meant reading comprehension, then no, I don't have any problems with it. Most standardized testing puts me somewhere in the top 95%; having a published author and poet for a father also helps. 

The only problem I have is dealing with clueless attention starved agitators in a charitable fashion.

Having said that, and keeping in mind that you did not bother to actually support your straw-man arguments with anything resembling facts--even after being asked directly to do so--I'll entertain your blather by taking you seriously. 

By the way, asking why women are not equally represented by the sex service and adult entertainment industries in a patriarchal society that forced them to fight for basic rights like voting and equal pay really speaks volumes about your general understanding of the world around you.

As for the "male-staffed brothels," here's an example of male prostitutes catering to women: 



> Kit Kat Guest Ranch (NV) "The owner of the Kit Kat Guest Ranch in Mound House says she has hired four men from California to work as independent contractors just as the women do at her bordello just east of Carson City.
> 
> Caramella said she expected there would be "haters," but said she's doing something legal that will satisfy a demand.
> 
> "It's just that I'm doing what I want to do and it's legal and I'm going to provide a service to women that has always been provided to men," she said.


Source: http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/20120806nevada-men-back-menu-brothel.html#ixzz2vVYxLRed

Here's some information about the recent proliferation of female- friendly porn:


> ...the fact is, pornography has changed a lot in recent years with one of the fastest growing market being porn aimed at couples.
> 
> An increasing number of women directors have entered the fray and brought a female perspective to what has traditionally been a male-dominated industry.
> 
> ...


source: Female-friendly porn | Metro

In regard to women flocking to strip clubs (BTW, you're kidding right? Just in case you were not, the following is just in Hollywood, CA, which yielded something like 100+ matches): 

Male strip club Hollywood Hills West, Los Angeles, CA 



OhGeesh said:


> Yes, I am marginilizing and stereotyping men and I am a man! Our conversations are different, our desire to look, stare, wander, are different. Again follow the money, follow the buying and selling of women, rape cases, molestation cases, men are the primary offender in all of this behavior, not women, why is that? You can say give me the data? I'm a engineer and love datapoints as much as the next guy, but just use your head and look at the world G8 nations and 3rd world it's very obvious. Compare the genders men in any society trump women in all of those indicators.


Its infuriating that you are aware of these things, and yet still somehow lack the understanding that continuing the stereotypes and marginalization of either gender falls neatly in line with the inequality you point out in this statement. 

Men have, and continue to subjugate women for personal gain in a systematic manner. I never asked you to provide the data to support that claim; its painfully obvious to anyone with eyes or a brain. However, pointing out the fact that men behave in this manner, more so in the 3rd world as you put it, and somehow equating that point with your views on monogamy, infidelity, and what is normal for each gender, completely misses the point and is exactly the reason I asked you to cite your sources.



OhGeesh said:


> You are on a marriage forum of course you will find very opinionated views especially from faithful men/women who don't want to be labelled and that's fine. Don't think TAM is accurate slice of the populus. Do most or many men think of cheating, want to cheat, or actually cheat at some point. *I firmly believe YES!* I see it constantly!! A group of men all 39-51 just got back from a business trip at work 9 guys and ALL married. What do you think they did? Strip clubs, lap dances, etc is that cheating? Many say NO, but did they tell their wives? "Hell NO!!" Who knows what happened when they went back to their hotels!! All were fairly drunk as the story goes. This is every business trip unless someone is really religious or in upper management they will usually just go back to the hotel after dinner.
> 
> I personally have been on at least 50 trips for work in the last 13 years with all types of engineers, managers, hourly, etc and I would say 95% of all the guys have ALWAYS WANTED to hit strip clubs and get drunk while AWAY ON BUSINESS. Most of the women are content with dinner and a good nights rest, but a few would party down and get crazy too. It's that women don't it's just men do ALOT more!
> 
> The same goes for when clients come here and I host.....the guys want to crazy the women are much more relaxed and normal.


You talk about TAM not representing the general demographics of society, and while I disagree with you on this point, primarily because infidelity occurs across all socioeconomic backgrounds and genders, even if I was to agree, the point would apply in the inverse to your argument because females are underrepresented in engineering, and not all men or even most men are engineers (and whatever else your coworkers do). 

You also make assumptions about what your co-workers share or do not share with their spouses, as well as what their particular marital boundaries happen to be. Also, a person can go to a strip club, night club, or bar without automatically hooking up with a stripper etc., so I don't see how infidelity and a desire to have drinks/fun on the company tab are equal. 

Right, on to supporting my point. Here is a quick abstract of a scholarly paper dealing with humans transitioning from promiscuity to strong pair-bonding. This directly challenges your assertion that it is natural for men to cheat. 


> A crucial step in recent theories of human origins is the emergence of strong pair-bonding between males and females accompanied by a dramatic reduction in the male-to-male conﬂict over mating and an increased investment in offspring. How such a transition from promiscuity to pair-bonding could be achieved is puzzling. Many species would, indeed, be much better off evolutionarily if the effort spent on male competition over mating was redirected to increasing female fertility or survivorship of offspring. Males, however, are locked in a “social dilemma,” where shifting one’s effort from “appropriation” to “production” would give an advan- tage to free-riding competitors and therefore, should not happen. Here, I ﬁrst consider simple models for four prominent scenarios of the human transition to pair-bonding: communal care, mate guarding, food for mating, and mate provisioning. I show that the transition is not feasible under biologically relevant conditions in any of these models. Then, I show that the transition can happen if one accounts for male heterogeneity, assortative pair formation, and evolution of female choice and faithfulness. This process is started when low-ranked males begin using an alternative strat- egy of female provisioning. At the end, except for the top-ranked individuals, males invest exclusively in provisioning females who have evolved very high ﬁdelity to their mates. My results point to the crucial importance of female choice and emphasize the need for incorporating between-individual variation in theoretical and empirical studies of social dilemmas and behaviors.


source: Human origins and the transition from promiscuity to pair-bonding

The entire paper is a good read, and shouldn't take long to absorb. 




OhGeesh said:


> ***We can argue this all day long. Is the fashion industry supported primarily by women.........that is a trick question, but is cosmetics? You bet it is!! You arguing that men aren't the primary reason for a sex industry is like me saying women aren't the primary reason for the make up industry......it's almost stupid to argue.***
> 
> ****As for the guy who said I know 40 women who cheated!! Bullcrap, you are embellishing and probably just some bitter guy who has been hurt. I doubt you even know 40 divorced people let alone 40 wives that you know started affairs first.......unless you are just counting forum posts!!****
> 
> I'm done we agree to disagree  have a great weekend!!


Yet you are perfectly fine stating that the 9 guys you've gone on business trips with fairly represent males as a whole, while making assumptions about what their marital boundaries are and how much they share with their spouses.

Anyhow, anyone who closes with "agree to disagree <insert dismissive and marginalizing comments here>" is really not interested in actual debate, and I'm getting hay fever from all the straw. Since the old adage about opinions and everyone having "one" certainly applies here, I will wish you a good weekend too.


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Oh Geesh in the main (no offense, OG - I respect your opinions but often don't agree).
> 
> I think TAM is not representative either of the willingness of wives to cheat or the desire of men to stay faithful.
> 
> ...


I've read somewhere that an estimated 1 out of 25 husbands are unknowingly raising another mans child.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

cpacan said:


> Could one of you clarify then? What you and OG are saying is, that almost all men and very few women occasionally are thinking about having their needs met by another person than their spouse?


Not quite. Sorry about my obtuse articulation.

I do believe, if pretty much all of the men I know are telling me the truth, that 'almost all men...occasionally are thinking about having their needs met by another person than their spouse.'

From my own experience, women 'dream' of the same thing from time to time, but it is not in the same way that men do. (This would be another thread, I think.)

What I am trying to say is that wanting to have sex and wanting to cheat are different things. The second brings with it all of the questions of solidarity with the spouse that the first does not in the same way.

I don't believe that all men 'at least want to cheat.'


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Paladin said:


> Not sure what "comrpehension" is, but if you meant reading comprehension, then no, I don't have any problems with it. Most standardized testing puts me somewhere in the top 95%; having a published author and poet for a father also helps.
> 
> The only problem I have is dealing with clueless attention starved agitators in a charitable fashion.
> 
> ...


Well done - you've been arsed where I couldn't! :smthumbup:

Expect some inarticulate ramblings with some mildly accusatory cadential barbs thrown at you for a reply 

I checked out all his other threads and realized it was a complete waste of time


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Not quite. Sorry about my obtuse articulation.
> 
> I do believe, if pretty much all of the men I know are telling me the truth, that 'almost all men...occasionally are thinking about having their needs met by another person than their spouse.'
> 
> ...


But in a sense you are relating wanting to cheat with thoughts about cheating, very different

I like most of the human race see many woman / men every day I can visualize myself having horny sex with. 
Do I want to roll with that and cheat on my wife / partner? Of course not. 

I accept I am an animal, I am attracted to others and we all will be, _But do I ACT on it_? As humans we have the higher process, the conscious decision making, the choice. If I have cheating 'in my blood' I can see myself under certain circumstances doing it. If I do not then I will not, will never

I don't believe men 'want' to cheat as part of their gene makeup. We always look to have partners to pro create - it's just whether we *choose* to do something about it


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Anyone think this debate is helping this woman with her dilemma?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I hate it when you hear people saying all men cheat, or want to cheat because its so Untrue..... there are decent men out there, I should no i am married to one.

I think your husband says this because hes trying to justify cheating to himself, Of course if and when he does it, because i am afraid to say your husband sounds like hes thinking of doing it.

This brought back a memory for me. After i broke up with my 3 older boys dad and before i met my husband who i am with now i was seeing this bloke for a bit, I remember he said to me, Being with the same person is like waking up and having the same breakfast every morning i never gave him that opportunity to cheat on me after he said that i finished it with him, as i knew this man was definitely capable of it.

Now i am with my hubby 2 more children hes the love of my life, I would never cheat on him, and i know for a fact he would not cheat on me.

He knows the consequences if he does as we have discussed it.

There are some good ones out there who will stay faithful, Nobody deserves to be second best.


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## owl6118 (Jan 30, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> Anyone think this debate is helping this woman with her dilemma?


If you follow her ongoing thread in Considering D I think she has info she needed and has moved on in her journey. 

Her husband is a real piece of work, though. 

It's often said that if one is going to cheat one should be honorable enough to just leave the marriage first. There might need to be some qualifiers added: that should read, leave the marriage first WITHOUT systematically grinding your spouse's self esteem and identity into the dust, and WITHOUT attributing your deep flaws to every other married man on the planet.


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## Tasty (Mar 3, 2014)

Men may sometimes imagine what it would be like with another woman. I guess this is what you could call temptation. 

But not all men surrender to this desire with their hands in the air. Many of us stand strong against infidelity because it is wrong and would hurt our wives and marriages.

Also, every discerning man would know when the storms of temptation are gathering and excuse himself...somehow. This is the stage where the strong and weak are decided.

A man who hangs around certain women (whether online or physical) is preparing the ground for the inevitable.

All men are tempted but not all fall.

Your man is rolling away and you are not helping matters. It appears your home is not very comfortable for him because he is not getting what he wants. There seems to be some arguments going on regularly over domestic responsibilities.

All these deviations are reversible if you decide to talk things over and CHANGE!


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

To me it is more about the individual than the sex of that person, men or women can both be unfaithful, as to the percentages of what sex cheats more well that seems to be in dispute.

Personally I find many women attractive and yeah I certainly could see the appeal of sleeping with them but I am committed to my marriage so I would not. 

I guess my basic thought is this- Men see many women they would like to have sex with it is in their animal nature to procreate with as many females as possible (don't think women are wired that way) it is each person's ethics, boundaries, commitment, conscience that keeps them from doing it(well mine anyhow).


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

If your going to cheat or think you have it in you to cheat or do not want to have sex with just one woman for the rest of your life, then its simple, just do not get married. Stay single then you can sleep around with whoever you want, and you wont end up blowing someones world apart.

People say its easier said than done, some people say they have a reason to cheat, there partner was not doing this and that etc etc.... but if they feel this way then there is a divorce.

You may get some person saying they stay because of the kids, but i believe its kinder for the children in the long run anyway...... to split up

Nobody has to cheat, they're just selfish plain and simple..... My ex was, he still is.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

OG wrote*:
You are on a marriage forum of course you will find very opinionated views especially from faithful men/women who don't want to be labelled and that's fine. Don't think TAM is accurate slice of the populus. Do most or many men think of cheating, want to cheat, or actually cheat at some point. I firmly believe YES! I see it constantly!! A group of men all 39-51 just got back from a business trip at work 9 guys and ALL married. What do you think they did? Strip clubs, lap dances, etc is that cheating? Many say NO, but did they tell their wives? "Hell NO!!" Who knows what happened when they went back to their hotels!! All were fairly drunk as the story goes. This is every business trip unless someone is really religious or in upper management they will usually just go back to the hotel after dinner.

I personally have been on at least 50 trips for work in the last 13 years with all types of engineers, managers, hourly, etc and I would say 95% of all the guys have ALWAYS WANTED to hit strip clubs and get drunk while AWAY ON BUSINESS. Most of the women are content with dinner and a good nights rest, but a few would party down and get crazy too. It's that women don't it's just men do ALOT more! 

The same goes for when clients come here and I host.....the guys want to crazy the women are much more relaxed and normal.*

Ironically when I was on Active Duty I saw more married women hitting the clubs "going crazy" then men. I had my share of hanging out with scumbags in the service, who were men, but my experience showed the opposite. My primary mission was dealing with families who were left home when mainly men deployed. I can't tell you the number of times I had to deal with a cheating, partying wife, which had a definite impact on the deployed soldier. When I was in Iraq, it was typical that more women cheated on their husbands then the other way around. That was my world and I had to deal with many of these issues.

I guess if you hang with scumbags more then not, your views will be skewed.


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