# Breaking Through Resentment from the Past



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Anyone have thoughts on how to break through the resentment and anger by a h/w who was trying to communicate to the noncommunicative h/w for a while and when the noncommunicative h/w finally "gets it" the anger and resentment of "why did it take you so long to get it and I was giving 110% and you weren't" issues?

Just looking for ideas and thoughts. Thanks in advance.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

This is a very interesting thought for me. My wife falls unde the noncommunicative category and it can lead to a lot of anger and resentment. I know on my end that once she does start, I think I will just be happy that she is doing it now instead of continuing down the same path.

I really don't think that it will do much good to think that you were giving more at one point. I am sure that if you ask your partner they will say that they were giving their best. Everytime you feel angry now, just think about the positive things that are happening now.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Dancing, actually I'm not the angry one. I'm the idiot noncommunicative, stayed in my shell and withdrew for a while person. I'm trying to break through my wife's anger and resentment.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Feelingalone-

I wrote about something similar here: Are You Out Of Sync? I'm not happy with the articles style, but it may shed some light.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

MT,

Thanks for the article. That seems to be the situation and I don't want to get angry back but do feel "rejected" at times. She asked me for a variety of "changes" most of which related to my withdrawal due to various reasons I discused in other posts. But she doesn't let me do all of the changes with her like physical touch. I just keep trying. I guess that is all you can do with more return expectations.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

I meant no return expectations.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Feelingalone said:


> Dancing, actually I'm not the angry one. I'm the idiot noncommunicative, stayed in my shell and withdrew for a while person. I'm trying to break through my wife's anger and resentment.


IMO, *YOU* don't break through your wife's anger and resentment. The breakthrough must first occur with your wife. Sounds like she is viewing herself as the victim and rightfully so if you were the one that withdrew.

Your wife must find the love for you to first realize the past is the past and tomorrow is a new day and she can let go of the victim mentality. And hopefully the new day includes a changed person in yourself.

Remember, you can only change YOU. Work on yourself and let things happen naturally.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Feelingalone said:


> MT,
> 
> Thanks for the article. That seems to be the situation and I don't want to get angry back but do feel "rejected" at times. She asked me for a variety of "changes" most of which related to my withdrawal due to various reasons I discused in other posts. But she doesn't let me do all of the changes with her like physical touch. I just keep trying. I guess that is all you can do with more return expectations.


You have to just keep on going, longer than you thought was necessary - with the requested behaviour. She will eventually get it. Was there a time when she would have let you do the touching stuff? Did you ignore her for a long time?


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes MT, she needs it and craves it as it turns out and I ignored it or at least she thinks I did for a while (not totally just not as much as she needs). Physical touch and quality time are her two primary languages I discovered. I was giving love in a different way than that I guess. Amongst other things I was trying to be super dad after being super H and forgot that Super H needs to come first.



D8azed, I am working on myself I realize that is most important.

Just tough waiting and trying (just like the article MT)


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