# I am lost in the woods



## Cadreyn (Jul 8, 2013)

I've have been married for almost six years now. My wife and I married young. I was 21 and she was 20. We knew that there would be difficulties about being so young. We have two sons and things seemed like they were going well this last year. 

Our relationship is unusual for most people. We have an open marriage. The first time she hooked up with another man it was a culture shock for me. We had some problems but I have adjusted. The logic was there but it took a couple of weeks for my emotions to catch up. 

Now I am not perfect, I am impulsive and excitable. Her biggest complaint right now is that she feels as though I don't listen to her and that I NEED her. And for two years of my marriage I was not taking care of my responsibilities. I was not really looking for a job kind of just sitting on my ass. Yes I know that I screwed up there. But over the last 18 months I have been working a dead end job while I try to do a career change. Been taking care of the house, kids, my wife and just trying to do. Started taking better care of myself, you know the works. 

A couple of weeks ago she told me that she loved me but was not in love with me. Ok that hurt but I thought that if we kept working on it maybe it would get better. Yesterday she told me that she didn't know if she even cared if we worked everything out. We are looking for a marriage counsler and are going to try to work things out.

But with two kids whom if we don't work I will not get to see them often. Not because of her but I will have to move and that will put a major distance between my children and I. And I still love her even after all of this. At this point I wonder if all the work I have done is even doing anything.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Stop the open marriage. Have you hooked up with someone else?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cadreyn (Jul 8, 2013)

The open marriage is not a problem. Yes I have also hooked up with a different women. My wife encouraged me and was happy for me. That aspect is merely physical and it does do some good things for us.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Cadreyn, "she loved me but was not in love with me" is bad news. It probably means she has another love interest but I really don't know in this case since you already have an open marriage.

My normal response would be to read 180. Maybe it makes since in your case?


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## Cadreyn (Jul 8, 2013)

180?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

On this site 180 is usually wrapped up with infidelity but I don't know how much that applies to you.

The original 180 list was introduced in a book called "divorce busters" and it was frames as a way to change what you're currently doing 180 degrees since what you're currently doing isn't actually working.
Save Your Marriage: Do a 180 - YouTube is one link.
180 List - No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group is a more specific list (maybe slightly altered for dealing with SO trying to stop affairs).


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## Cadreyn (Jul 8, 2013)

thanks. It has given me some food for thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

There was someone on the infidelity forum who talked about how open marriages can cause the breakdown of a marriage, even if it is something both parties want. Basically, when you have sex with someone, your body releases hormones that help you bond with that person. When you have sex with other people in an open marriage type situation - you become numb to that feeling you get from those hormones. I wish I could find the post - if I do I will post it.

You might want to re-consider the open marriage and maybe try to work on some bonding activities if you both want to work it out. Talk to her and see if she would be on board with it. What about a MC?


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## Cadreyn (Jul 8, 2013)

trying to find a mc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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