# Are self professed Cougars, mean girls all grown up?



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Hopefully I tread lightly enough not to get bashed for even posing this question, but I figured you ladies are the ones to ask. I will admit that my own paranoia and curiosity are why I am asking the question in the first place. 

What do you guys think of the term Cougar, and do you ever feel like you're missing out on anything? 

I am interested in this topic because where I live there are a lot of wealthy fairly good looking divorcees that seem to be having a lot of fun. I guess my question is are they really having as much fun as they say they are? 

My other concern is that I moved my wife to a new area because I bought for her what I thought would be her dream house. Unfortunately she does not fit in at all with the mom's and divorcee's in this neighborhood. She is every bit as good looking and in shape as they are, however I think after going to few play dates and book club meetings they don't see her as "cool" enough for lack of a better term. She now says when she goes to the bus stop for our kids that she feels like she is back in high school.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I know some self-professed Cougar Ladies, and no, they weren't the "mean girls" (I knew them when they were young, too). If anything the Cougars I know tend to be women who blossomed into great catches as they aged, whereas when they were younger they were not really ready for great relationships and sex.

The fact that a younger man (or men) are into them is not that big of a deal, men of their same age and older are into them, too. They just ended up with their cubs, but it might have been an older or same aged guy.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> What do you guys think of the term Cougar, and do you ever feel like you're missing out on anything?


I lump the term "cougar" with the term "MILF". I don't know anyone in my circle of friends who considers herself a cougar. They're not at home in sweat pants sitting on the couch eating chips either. There is one colleague at work who likes to think of herself as a cougar, but that's just my impression of her. She hasn't come out and said it. She is in fantastic shape, wears fitted but professional clothing. She likes the attention she gets from men at work. I know that much from watching her.

Being described as a cougar isn't something I aspire to. I don't feel I missed out on anything. I was never the get wasted drunk at bars, wear tight clothing and go nightclubbing until the wee hours of the morning kind of person even when I was single and could do it without feeling tired the next morning. I've dated enough to be comfortable with my choice for a husband and I'm happy with my life for the most part. I get more satisfaction from my family life and my professional life.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I know some self-professed Cougar Ladies, and no, they weren't the "mean girls" (I knew them when they were young, too). If anything the Cougars I know tend to be women who blossomed into great catches as they aged, whereas when they were younger they were not really ready for great relationships and sex.
> 
> The fact that a younger man (or men) are into them is not that big of a deal, men of their same age and older are into them, too. They just ended up with their cubs, but it might have been an older or same aged guy.


I am probably projecting my feelings about my neighbors onto the group as a whole. Just because I live in a neighborhood with pretentious snobs it doesn't necessarily mean that all women in this demographic are bad people. Thank you for your post.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No problem. I have trouble with pretentious snobs, too.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I've always thought of 'cougars' as older women who like much younger men regardless of their income levels. 

What you describe is just simple snobbery. 

Or is it just possible you guys are still just new to the area? How's about inviting folks over for a barbecue or some such thing?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

My WS dated a kid in his late 20s while she was in her early 40s. She's a hottie, and all he wanted was her bod, while all she wanted was to push a new relationship into the face of her OM who had just dumped her. 

Of course, she later cheated on the kid with OM and then I came along.... but I digress. 

I am 11 years her senior, so I guess she's not a true cougar; she was just pretty messed up there for quite a while. Not the same as the woman I met years ago, nor the same values as the woman I fell in love with. The youth of that kid was his downfall, since she told him there was something unresolved in her life. He went for it anyway.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I've always thought of 'cougars' as older women who like much younger men regardless of their income levels.
> 
> What you describe is just simple snobbery.
> 
> Or is it just possible you guys are still just new to the area? How's about inviting folks over for a barbecue or some such thing?


Yep, you're right I am definitely confusing the two. Sadly, I just think the wife and I will have to accept that we moved to bizarro land. We've been here almost a year at this point. Everyone dresses the same, and even has the same plastic surgeon. 

Sigh....oh well. I guess sometimes its better to stay where you're at.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It takes time to "fit in" when you are new.

Started volunteering at my kids school and the women there were like this. Very cliquish and yes kinda snobby. Very much like the real housewives. 

Took about a year and I was accepted into their group but by then I decided I didn't like them anymore and quit. Lol


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> It takes time to "fit in" when you are new.
> 
> Started volunteering at my kids school and the women there were like this. Very cliquish and yes kinda snobby. Very much like the real housewives.
> 
> Took about a year and I was accepted into their group but by then I decided I didn't like them anymore and quit. Lol


Good advice. Per my wife they are not as bad individually. Although they do tend to say really mean things about each other. That's why my wife feels awkward around them. One of them even made fun of another's autistic child. A low blow in my opinion.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Zanne said:


> My thought on cougars are that they are women reliving their youth and/or they fear getting older, not necessarily mean girls all grown up. Of course, if they are self professed, well then, they are pretty shallow women aren't they?


So, would the same judgment apply to men who date younger women? That's why I hate the fact that when women date younger men, there's a name for it (cougar) as if it's some sort of a predatory addiction with self-serving intentions. Yet no one thinks twice of a man with a younger woman.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I am probably projecting my feelings about my neighbors onto the group as a whole. Just because I live in a neighborhood with pretentious snobs it doesn't necessarily mean that all women in this demographic are bad people. Thank you for your post.


Good god are my neighbors pretentious. The woman who lives next to me has a child in my oldest daughters class. She will not allow her child to associate with my daughter ... we are beneath them. My daughter is amazing, has great friends, straight A student ... she is a good girl. Has nothing to do with who she is. The sneers and condescending remarks she gives me when we are attending a school event together makes my skin crawl. This is a woman who berated the teacher to tears when her son got in trouble at school. Apparently, the teacher was at fault, not her son ... right ... NOT in my house. Nobody talks to each other in this neighborhood beside the obligatory half wave. When I moved here I had a truck that had a dent in the side. Just prior to moving here, a 16 year old driver had backed her dad's car into the side of it. It was an older truck and I didn't think it was worth fixing ... I used it like a pickup truck is supposed to be used, not to look pretty. A few months after moving in, one of my neighbors came up to me, started talking and then told me he thought the dent looked pretty bad (it wasn't) and maybe it was time to buy a new truck. This wasn't one guy ribbing another guy ... he was serious. That same neighbor (the wife) called the police on us once because our cleaning lady (when we had one) was taking our dog out while we were vacationing and she let her cross just over the property line. So, instead of just talking to us ... she calls the police. Have no idea what people's problem is. 

That said, I don't know any of them to be cougars.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Good advice. Per my wife they are not as bad individually. Although they do tend to say really mean things about each other. That's why my wife feels awkward around them. One of them even made fun of another's autistic child. A low blow in my opinion.


Yeah, these are not cougars, these are snobby b!tches. This type of people makes my skin crawl, I couldnt live around them, at least, not on purpose. There are areas around here that I wouldnt live in even if I COULD afford it because I cannot deal with the whole Real Housewives mentality. (And SHAME on our country for making those awful shows popular! ) Cougars seek out younger men for meaningless sex...they are enjoying their sexuality and the chance to get a piece of hot young guy. (most of us prefer to just window shop! lol!)


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Good advice. Per my wife they are not as bad individually. Although they do tend to say really mean things about each other. That's why my wife feels awkward around them. *One of them even made fun of another's autistic child. A low blow in my opinion*.


:iagree: that is certainly an unacceptable low blow!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> So, would the same judgment apply to men who date younger women? That's why I hate the fact that when women date younger men, there's a name for it (cougar) as if it's some sort of a predatory addiction with self-serving intentions. Yet no one thinks twice of a man with a younger woman.


They call the older men "sugar daddies", as if all an older man has to offer is some cash...

I have no problem with age gap relationships.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

treyvion said:


> They call the older men "sugar daddies", as if all an older man has to offer is some cash...
> 
> I have no problem with age gap relationships.


I don't have a problem with them either except ....

I was at the zoo with my kids on Memorial Day. I was walking toward an exhibit and a woman turned and started walking towards me. I noticed that she was very attractive but perhaps my age if not a little older. I'm 45 years old. She looked older but I look relatively young for my age. Anyway, she was with someone I thought was her son. Baby faced kid who looked like he could have just gotten out of high school. Then I noticed them holding hands. Wasn't quite sure what to make of it so when they passed, I turned around and watched them as they walked. Sure enough, he slid his hand around her waist resting it on her ass!! That just seemed ... unnatural  It was really none of my business and I normally don't have a problem with age gap relationships ... but this was weird.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've dont think of cougars as grownup mean girls. My definition is cougars are older, divorced women that want to date younger men. MILFs are just hot moms, married or not, and can be any age.

RH, here are the my thoughts:

Does your wife work? When we moved into our neighborhood it was brand new development. I worked full time so I wasn't home during the day when all the SAHMs were getting to know one another. We didn't have kids at the time either so I guess that was a strike against me too. 

Is your wife an older mom? As an older mom of a 7 year old I'm finding it harder to "fit in" with the other moms at school. Most of them are 10, 15, even 20 years younger than me, (I'm 48). I didn't have this problem with my older kids, who are 15 and 18 now. 

Or it could be opposite. She's younger than them and they are intimidated by that.

Or they could just by beyotches.

Besides volunteering at school, we've met some really nice parents from our kids soccer teams.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I don't have a problem with them either except ....
> 
> I was at the zoo with my kids on Memorial Day. I was walking toward an exhibit and a woman turned and started walking towards me. I noticed that she was very attractive but perhaps my age if not a little older. I'm 45 years old. She looked older but I look relatively young for my age. Anyway, she was with someone I thought was her son. Baby faced kid who looked like he could have just gotten out of high school. Then I noticed them holding hands. Wasn't quite sure what to make of it so when they passed, I turned around and watched them as they walked. Sure enough, he slid his hand around her waist resting it on her ass!! That just seemed ... unnatural  It was really none of my business and I normally don't have a problem with age gap relationships ... but this was weird.


lol


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I've dont think of cougars as grownup mean girls. My definition is cougars are older, divorced women that want to date younger men. MILFs are just hot moms, married or not, and can be any age.
> 
> RH, here are the my thoughts:
> 
> ...


Hmmmmm.....you might be on to something. Even though we have three kids my wife is younger than all of them, and to be honest she could probably pass for early/mid 20s. To put it nicely these women probably got too much sun in their youth. Hence the work and botox stuff they are into.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> So, would the same judgment apply to men who date younger women? That's why I hate the fact that when women date younger men, there's a name for it (cougar) as if it's some sort of a predatory addiction with self-serving intentions. Yet no one thinks twice of a man with a younger woman.


The same judgment definitely applies, although I'd agree that there is no name for it. Who doesn't laugh at the old guy with the orange spray tan and yellow sports car (I swear this is an epidemic in my area) that chases younger women. I am an equal rights kind of guy. I think women can do whatever men can do. Including the boneheaded stuff we do like chasing after our youth with younger mates. My only question is why would they want to? A post divorce fling or two isn't bad I suppose, but I don't see it as viable long term option for men or women.

While I am thread jacking myself, has anyone noticed that older people both men and women tend to date unattractive young people just because they're young. Meaning their new mate is younger but their older ex spouse was actually much more attractive.


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## Garro (May 16, 2013)

Wow at all the misconception about cougars. First off there's a difference between a "cougar" which is a woman that does "prey" on younger men, and then there are women that just happen to be older and fall in love with a younger man.

I know such a couple; the guy is 25 and the woman is 41. Both do real well for themselves and are engaged! Been dating for 2 years now. 

They really love each other and they don't "use" each other.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I think this has less to do with the fact that they are "cougars" - and more about the fact that their joy in life is tearing other people down and being snotty. I'd feel like it was high school too, as it kind of sounds like a bad scene out of Heathers.


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