# I know I've said it before...but it's time....



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

I'm sorry to those who have read my threads and said, "get out." But, it's hard, as many of you know. I know I should, but I also am afraid. I am 30 years old. No kids. Never been married before. I want to have kids and am afraid to try again and risk NEVER having children myself. But I just can't live in a marriage like this. It's a joke. I see so many people that have been married longer than us that are still happy, at least at times. We haven't been since day one, literally. We fought on our wedding night. He yelled at me for being upset at his mom trying to cause problems at our wedding. He has since stood up to her, but he is 37 years old and just now standing up to his mother.

Some of you know my story. And I don't want to get into it tonight. However, I broke my foot Monday night and, for the most part, he's been great. But, the first night, he said, "Wake me up if you need anything. I mean it.". I argued, but eventually gave in. So, I decided I didn't want to sleep in the chair that I wanted to go to bed. I woke him up. He helped me to bed. Said he had to pee. Then never came back before I was even in my bed. I called for him. 20 minutes later he showed up. Said he was asleep. Was pissed that i called. Asked why I can't take care of myself. Said he needs to sleep or he will get fired. I ended up crawling to my own bed.

The last 2 days, gave him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just really tired. He's been helpful. Helped me take a shower. Helped me get dressed. Get a few beers in him, he turns in to an ass. Stood at our front door and waited for me to get ther etongiht on crutches. AFter I make it up 6 steps, he finally offers help. I ask why he didn't before. He says he had to open the door. I"m so tired of him drinking and thinking he's a gentleman, but is really an ass.

Those of you who know his relationship with his kids. He says he tries. He told me tonight he's been texting his son daily. I know that is **** because I check his phone. He still lies. Ijust don't get it.

I"m done. I feel alone. I feel worthless. He makes me feel crazy. But, I truly have tried. I"m tired of fighting to make it all better and him telling me I'm the cause of it all. I just need someone to talk to.

C


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## rfAlaska (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm sorry that you're hurting. What you're going through is truly no fun at all and very scary (a crystal ball would make things so much easier). I got divorced at 30 (no kids involved at all, logistically simple) and the only regret that I have about the divorce is that I am still not 100% sure that I tried everything to make the marriage work. I tried a lot of things though and eventually gave up. In the end, it was the right decision for both of us.

From my perspective you have nothing to lose by moving on. You're young, the maturity of your posts indicates level-headedness in your thinking, you are gaining little or nothing from the relationship, and you only have about a year invested in the marriage .... What do you really have to lose at this point?

It sounds like you have a great job, but again, you're young, there are other great jobs out there. Beg or borrow a couple thousand dollars and move to a bigger city - single, no kids - expenses should be low. Flip burgers if you have to until you find something else. A job is not worth being personally miserable for.

Move out, see what happens, he might turn it around. If he does, set conditions and make them non-negotiables. If he doesn't, move on, seek what you want and never look back. Just be sure to give yourself adequate time to heal.

You're exactly right, getting out is anything but easy, it's difficult and terrifying. On the other hand, you are gaining little or nothing from the relationship as it exists so what are you losing relative to what you stand to gain? Fear not, take the leap and begin the process of moving on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

I recently read a book called "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay", and it really helped me sort through the pros and cons... It helped to open my eyes and get me to understand what I really feel like, if the marriage is worth staying in or not. Just a thought, it might help you come to a decision.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok so have you filed? 

Expect more of the same as long as you keep doing the same.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement! I was so frustrated when typing that and I know I was venting a lot! No I have not filed yet. It's a huge decision to make and we have just now been married a year. I'm really trying to do what's right. Sometimes I over think things but I'm just being careful. Now I've got 6 weeks on a broken foot and the last few days he has been very supportive. Doesn't make it all better but I am pretty dependent right now! Lol! Can't even drive a car for a while now. I'll look into that book. I am definitely a reader and books sometimes help me understand my thoughts more... Just like writing my thoughts down on here or in a notebook helps me sort through those.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## down_under (Aug 15, 2011)

Wow i have a broken ankle and have 5 weeks before i lose the cast. I am going through a speration at the moment which Only addas to the pain
I am relying on my family and friends to buy my food, walk the dog etc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

down_under said:


> Wow i have a broken ankle and have 5 weeks before i lose the cast. I am going through a speration at the moment which Only addas to the pain
> I am relying on my family and friends to buy my food, walk the dog etc
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's difficult, isn't it?!?! I don't have any family members close by so I am very reliant on my husband right now to get me to work and everything else. It's only been about 1.5 weeks and I have another complete month before I get to go back to the dr for more xrays to see if it has healed. I'm pretty helpless. I can't say I'd be divorcing him right now, but it does put another wrench in the pile. Our house has become a dump this last week. I can't do much on crutches and without using my foot. I know my husband works during the day, but he needs to pick up the slack at home too. When I work during the school year I still manage to clean up the kitchen at least more than it is being done now. Before we lived together, he lived with his dad. Everything was spotless. He told me he was a neat freak. Now I'm seeing that his dad was the neat freak. I brought it up today and he said it wasn't his dad, it was that he didn't make messes like this. He seems to blame it on me, but he leaves laundry all around the house, leaves food on plates all around the house, leaves things out when he cooks. I think he was just putting on a show for me when we were dating, just like it seems he did with many other things about himself.

I just realized today that in October it'll be an entire year since we've had sex. That's pretty sad. And, no matter how many times I fight with him about not sleeping on the couch, he still continues to sleep on the couch and tell me it's my fault he doesn't come to bed. So, I've just given up. At this time, with my broken foot, it's better I sleep alone. But, that's 5 weeks out of an entire year. In October, we'll only have been married 1 year and 3 months and haven't had sex since October 2010. Is that normal?? I think not. I've been much more sexual in other relationships, and it's lasted a long time. It's like I'm with a man who just doesn't care about sex at all. Just like he doesn't care about much of anything else.

I feel for you having to deal with your divorce and have a broken ankle. I hope things look up soon and it's great that you have good family and friends to help you out at this time!


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## down_under (Aug 15, 2011)

I am in a similar situation. I have a sister in the same city but the rest of my family are hundreds of miles away. Its hard living in an empty house, little things are hard as I cant carry anything. I still have another two weeks before I can put pressure on my ankle.
I feel trapped at home


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

It sucks, doesn't it? This weekend we have been fighting and now he's ignoring me as usual. I need to get a few things from town, but he won't take me. He said he doesn't want to go and he is too tired. But, I can't go by myself because of my broken foot. And I need to go up to work tomorrow and get a few things done before I'm back on Tuesday. Kind of hard when I have to rely on him for everything and he's mad and won't take me anywhere. So, I've been sitting around all day with the tv, a book, and my laptop. I feel trapped in this house as well. I feel trapped in my bedroom. Bad thing is, I felt this way before I broke my foot because we are always fighting and he is always upset about something and he is always ignoring me. And when that goes on, it's just better to shut myself in my bedroom and be alone. I hate living in the same house with someone who doesn't seem to care that I'm here.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Sorry to hear your story Rose...I don't understand the sex thing...My stbxw was like that...we would go weeks sometimes and.. then she would say it was weird since it had been so long ? WTF...I was up for it when ever we would get a chance ( no pun intended )
Just one of the many things that make me wonder why I even miss her ...:scratchhead:

Having to rely on someone who is unreliable sucks !!!
Im sorry you feel trapped...


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