# Starting to Sink In



## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

I had a previous post about my marriage that is falling apart. Discovered affair in 2015 that my wife had, which she admits was a huge mistake. She decided to have another one (don't know exact start date) but had sex in January and is now pregnant, despite doctors telling her she can't be pregnant. I didn't think my wife had much repentance about it but it appears to be sinking in. The shame and embarrassment of her decision will be an issue since now the pregnancy is public proof of what happened. I think getting pregnant was karma telling her to stop messing around and get focused again. The other guy is at least 10 years older than me and has other kids. She said he didn't want to be mixed up in affair either but he still did. I lost a lot of trust for my wife and she lost respect for me as a husband. It may sound strange but I hope this guy is a good guy and will take care of her. Her and I have our own son and he will be staying with her most of the time. The last thing I need is her to do deeper into depression.

What I had a hard time understanding is why she is so sad. She had one affair that she said was a huge mistake, but this one was more calculated since she was also planning to leave me as well this time. She said a lot of things that she never had to think about before (such as paying all of her own bills) is weighing on her. And I think the pregnancy is more of a cause of her sadness than actually leaving the marriage. She is sad that her marriage did not survive but I don't think she is sad about being apart from me in particular. She wanted more kids in the past but I didn't, and I know she didn't want kids this way. Should have made the guy wear a condom instead of relying on pills. But now I am concerned that her health issues will make this pregnancy difficult. She had issues with the first one too. 

My soul isn't crushed since the marriage has been dying for a long time. We met in college and our opposite personalities attracted each other, but didn't work well in marriage. I am not sure how opposites can enjoy a marriage. Being married to her taught me some good lessons and exposed me to more areas that life has to offer, but I also learned that I need someone more like myself to be in a successful marriage. I have my own issues to work on but with my wife it became apparent after a few years that we didn't have a friendship outside of being married with a child. I can't remember the last time my wife actually asked me to spend time with her on a date or to just go out as a couple. After the initial romance wore off, we had no strong friendship to build on and we share almost no common interests anymore 

Financially, the good thing is that the only fixed support she wants is for me to keep paying for her car, which is in my name. My attorney thinks I should just let her keep it as part of our settlement but I have some conditions that would allow me to take ownership back (such as her not maintaining insurance and maintenance, or letting other people drive without my permission......she let her last affair partner drive my car and I just found out about a speeding ticket her got in it 4 years after the fact).


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

knight185 said:


> I had a previous post about my marriage that is falling apart. Discovered affair in 2015 that my wife had, which she admits was a huge mistake. She decided to have another one (don't know exact start date) but had sex in January and is now pregnant, despite doctors telling her she can't be pregnant. I didn't think my wife had much repentance about it but it appears to be sinking in. The shame and embarrassment of her decision will be an issue since now the pregnancy is public proof of what happened. I think getting pregnant was karma telling her to stop messing around and get focused again. The other guy is at least 10 years older than me and has other kids. She said he didn't want to be mixed up in affair either but he still did. I lost a lot of trust for my wife and she lost respect for me as a husband. It may sound strange but I hope this guy is a good guy and will take care of her. Her and I have our own son and he will be staying with her most of the time. The last thing I need is her to do deeper into depression.
> 
> What I had a hard time understanding is why she is so sad. She had one affair that she said was a huge mistake, but this one was more calculated since she was also planning to leave me as well this time. She said a lot of things that she never had to think about before (such as paying all of her own bills) is weighing on her. And I think the pregnancy is more of a cause of her sadness than actually leaving the marriage. She is sad that her marriage did not survive but I don't think she is sad about being apart from me in particular. She wanted more kids in the past but I didn't, and I know she didn't want kids this way. Should have made the guy wear a condom instead of relying on pills. But now I am concerned that her health issues will make this pregnancy difficult. She had issues with the first one too.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear all this, I have a similar story having trust broken from the person who agreed to love you and be by your side is hugely painful!!!!!!

Be careful in the settlement my XW was very friendly and cooperative for some time then turned, the more people your STBXW speaks to the more ideas she will get, my X MIL even dropped out some conditions the day before signing when I had no time to review.

Try and speed it along as fast as possible and get out with your finances intact and start living the life you deserve, no one deserves to be cheated on and its not your fault she decided to jump in bed with someone else.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

I just flicked through some of your old posts, your STBXW sounds a lot like mine, it was not me, it was she did not like having responsibility of being a Wife and Mother. She found a guy with a lot of money who is fun and they go to expensive restaurants and planning an expensive holiday but once they live together(if he doesn't ditch her) and have a blended family she will experience the same again if not on a worse scale.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry you are going through this. I'm sure it's been a hard road.

What are you doing for yourself and for your child these days? That's where your focus needs to be.

Is she going after the OM for child support when the baby is born? I hope the courts are not going to hold you responsible for that child.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Why do people do this?

I accept and understand that people fall out of love.

Why not just get divorced and then have enjoy intimacy with others?

She ruined two families with her behavior. That is true, right? The other wife knows of POSOMs betrayal?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Stop feeling sorry for her skanky ass. Boo frickin hoo, this isnt how she wanted another baby, waah. She is reaping exactly what she has sown and I hope karma keeps running that bus over her. 

Why is she the one getting primary custody??


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Move warp speed on the divorce while she is still amicable. Being a single mom is going to change her financial outlook, so get everything done ASAP before she changes her mind. For her car, if you agree to pay the payments make sure to transfer it to her name. That will make her legally responsible for the insurance, upkeep, registration, etc. And if she gets in an accident you aren't on the hook.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> Move warp speed on the divorce while she is still amicable. Being a single mom is going to change her financial outlook, so get everything done ASAP before she changes her mind. For her car, if you agree to pay the payments make sure to transfer it to her name. That will make her legally responsible for the insurance, upkeep, registration, etc. And if she gets in an accident you aren't on the hook.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Like i Said happened to me get out fast with as much intact as possible.


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