# Broken for the second time



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

I was a here few months back when my life just a disaster. Now I'm at that point again, been trying to work on the M but no success. Long story short my stbxw has a real close bond with her family and a lot of times they take advantage of her and I don't like it. Every time I say say something about it, I'm the bad guy. Her parents are elderly and they need help but there 5 other sibling who don't do s..t to help her. But every time the need something she comes running to the rescue. She says they won't help so she has no choice but to do it. Crap. I have 1 child from a previous relationship, I was told by her that she doesn't want to help me raise my child. Really, but finds it ok to let her nephew come and live with us so he can go to school. What a slap in the face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I was a here few months back when my life just a disaster. Now I'm at that point again, been trying to work on the M but no success. Long story short my stbxw has a real close bond with her family and a lot of times they take advantage of her and I don't like it. Every time I say say something about it, I'm the bad guy. Her parents are elderly and they need help but there 5 other sibling who don't do s..t to help her. But every time the need something she comes running to the rescue. She says they won't help so she has no choice but to do it. Crap. I have 1 child from a previous relationship, I was told by her that she doesn't want to help me raise my child. Really, but finds it ok to let her nephew come and live with us so he can go to school. What a slap in the face.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And?


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

So, what are you leaving out?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

How does her helping her family affect you? Money, time? 

Does your child live with you?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

indiecat said:


> How does her helping her family affect you? Money, time?
> 
> Does your child live with you?


Sorry I was rushing to work when I first starting writing this text and pretty much deleted the first half of my text. To answer your question, it affects me because my stbxw would constantly be stressed out and complain about it. If your W is not happy, how are you going to be happy? Indiecat let me ask you a question, if you had a son who wanted to live with you for a while because he was having problems with his mother, and you spoke to your spouse about it and he said I don't want to raise children. But then turns around and allows his nephew to come stay with you so he could go to school how would you feel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> If your W is not happy, how are you going to be happy?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If your W is not happy, that shouldn't end your happiness; it should make you a little sad. You can ask her what can you do to help her be happy, but you can't *make* her happy. Only she can.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Separate and start doing the 180. Your wife does not respect you.

Start the process of moving on. If she changes her tune, great. If not, you are headed for a happier future.

Good luck, I hated competing with in-laws.

Stretch


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Stretch said:


> Separate and start doing the 180. Your wife does not respect you.
> 
> Start the process of moving on. If she changes her tune, great. If not, you are headed for a happier future.
> 
> ...


I am also a veteran of that completely unwinnable war.

She's basically wired that way.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I am also a veteran of that completely unwinnable war.
> 
> She's basically wired that way.


Conrad I see you're still going strong on here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Separate and start doing the 180. Your wife does not respect you.
> 
> Start the process of moving on. If she changes her tune, great. If not, you are headed for a happier future.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the response. Was your war very similar ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Conrad I see you're still going strong on here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This place and the goodness of the people here turned my life around.

100% transformative.

Sorry you're back, but good to talk to you again.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> This place and the goodness of the people here turned my life around.
> 
> 100% transformative.
> 
> Sorry you're back, but good to talk to you again.


That makes 2 of us. This time around I'm stronger than previously, I'm not putting up with the bulls..., and you can take that to the bank,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Separate and start doing the 180. Your wife does not respect you.
> 
> Start the process of moving on. If she changes her tune, great. If not, you are headed for a happier future.
> 
> ...


I'd have to agree with this advice. As far as the in-laws go .... you will never win. Never. Boy, do I have some horror stories that involve my mother-in-law. Good luck.


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## DoktorFun (Feb 25, 2014)

Stretch said:


> Separate and start doing the 180. Your wife does not respect you.
> 
> *Start the process of moving on. If she changes her tune, great. If not, you are headed for a happier future.*
> 
> ...


True! :iagree:


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

ICLH said:


> I'd have to agree with this advice. As far as the in-laws go .... you will never win. Never. Boy, do I have some horror stories that involve my mother-in-law. Good luck.


At this point I'm going through an in house separation for now, and it's fine by me. I'm not going to dwell on why we can't fix the M. This time around it's completely about me and what makes me happy. Let face it at the end of the day the only one that can make you happy is yourself. I've learned from past mistakes, that trying to reason when you're in this situation never works. Total 180 at this point. Right now she is a total stranger to me and that's how it has to be in order to get through it, so be it. You what they say " If you're not with me, you're against me" .The first time I was on TAM I took a turn for the worst, and that was devastating to me and my children. I will never allow myself to ever get that low again. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I am curious to hear one of you in-law stories.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> At this point I'm going through an in house separation for now, and it's fine by me. I'm not going to dwell on why we can't fix the M. This time around it's completely about me and what makes me happy. Let face it at the end of the day the only one that can make you happy is yourself. I've learned from past mistakes, that trying to reason when you're in this situation never works. Total 180 at this point. Right now she is a total stranger to me and that's how it has to be in order to get through it, so be it. You what they say " If you're not with me, you're against me" .The first time I was on TAM I took a turn for the worst, and that was devastating to me and my children. I will never allow myself to ever get that low again. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I am curious to hear one of you in-law stories.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In house separation is driving me crazy. It feels like it would much easier if I wasn't there, need some advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> In house separation is driving me crazy. It feels like it would much easier if I wasn't there, need some advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's going on?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> What's going on?


My emotions are getting the best of me. Yesterday I got the, "we need to talk" so I said ok. The discussion went as follows, I don't want to be in this M anymore it's been seven years of struggle and I don't help with anything, you need to save your money because I want you out. This isn't going to work for me anymore. So I say, it all been my fault, what about your part in this? She says tell what I did wrong. I said for one , how about you stop bring up the past. A few years ago I made a decision to go back to school by doing I had to cut my work hours in half. My stbx had to carry the load and then she lost her job. We struggled, and she blames for it, I was in a dead end job with no room for growth and I wanted more for myself and my family. Trying to support a family of 4 on 30k a year, isn't going to work. Eventually I did finish school on time like I set out to do. But the market was bad and it took me almost a year to find job in my current field. Remind you I went out everyday looking for work. She says I should've taken what ever I could have gotten to help her. I said I was wrong for that. Now moving forward I thought we were past that. We were in reconciling our M and the she decides to allow one of family members to live with us, I thought it was bad time because we not 100%. But still she asked and I said ok. I was trying to make her happy and be supportive thinking it might bring us closer but it pushed us father apart. My entire M has been based off her family approval, and it hurts. I know I take 50% of the problems were having based off past decision that I made. How can we ever move forward if every decision you make is based on weather or not it suitable for your family. She doesn't understand where I'm coming from. She still blames me for everything. Every decision I made I thought was in the best interest for my family so I thought, I didn't set out to hurt anyone. I just feel so alone, I also feel like I'm being abandoned for the second time. First my mother now my W. I'm not perfect I know this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> My emotions are getting the best of me. Yesterday I got the, "we need to talk" so I said ok. The discussion went as follows, I don't want to be in this M anymore it's been seven years of struggle and I don't help with anything, you need to save your money because I want you out. This isn't going to work for me anymore. So I say, it all been my fault, what about your part in this? She says tell what I did wrong. I said for one , how about you stop bring up the past. A few years ago I made a decision to go back to school by doing I had to cut my work hours in half. My stbx had to carry the load and then she lost her job. We struggled, and she blames for it, I was in a dead end job with no room for growth and I wanted more for myself and my family. Trying to support a family of 4 on 30k a year, isn't going to work. Eventually I did finish school on time like I set out to do. But the market was bad and it took me almost a year to find job in my current field. Remind you I went out everyday looking for work. She says I should've taken what ever I could have gotten to help her. I said I was wrong for that. Now moving forward I thought we were past that. We were in reconciling our M and the she decides to allow one of family members to live with us, I thought it was bad time because we not 100%. But still she asked and I said ok. I was trying to make her happy and be supportive thinking it might bring us closer but it pushed us father apart. My entire M has been based off her family approval, and it hurts. I know I take 50% of the problems were having based off past decision that I made. How can we ever move forward if every decision you make is based on weather or not it suitable for your family. She doesn't understand where I'm coming from. She still blames me for everything. Every decision I made I thought was in the best interest for my family so I thought, I didn't set out to hurt anyone. I just feel so alone, I also feel like I'm being abandoned for the second time. First my mother now my W. I'm not perfect I know this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


These sorts of discussions lead nowhere.

Stop having them.

When you try to "convince" her of the rectitude of your position, emotionally, you are placing your value beneath hers.

It's a subtle form of approval seeking and she interprets that as weakness.

How is your job now?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> These sorts of discussions lead nowhere.
> 
> Stop having them.
> 
> ...


My job is fine, I'm doing what I set out to do. I've been there for the last six months.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> My job is fine, I'm doing what I set out to do. I've been there for the last six months.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just got back from IC, I really needed this session by the way. I was told that I need to detach emotionally from my stbxw and once I'm able to do that I'll be much better. He knows this a tough road to cross especially going through an in house separation but what choice do I have. he also said no more bringing up the past like Conrad said. He's encouraging me to focus on the now, and let go. We are both in different places in our lives and I must adjust accordingly. He recommended a book for me to read, and it's called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I went and brought the book, and I must say, I have read the first 40 pages and it's right on the money. The book focuses on living for today, not the past or future. It's also states that pain or suffering arises through desire or craving and to be free of pain we need to cut the bonds of desire. Deep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> It's also states that pain or suffering arises through desire or craving and to be free of pain we need to cut the bonds of desire. Deep.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like a great read. 

Do you wonder sometimes about the next big thing? Do you count the things you don't have instead of the things you do have?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Sounds like a great read.
> 
> Do you wonder sometimes about the next big thing? Do you count the things you don't have instead of the things you do have?


That's exactly what I've been doing. Big mistake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> That's exactly what I've been doing. Big mistake.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm thinking about going out tonight, so I can try and snap out of this funk. But really can't afford to because I have to move. Any recommendation would be appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> That's exactly what I've been doing. Big mistake.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I suffer from that once in awhile. I think sometimes we all do. I think it becomes a problem when we let it control us. It makes you lonely for things. Greener grass. When I get that way I try to remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for.

I'm grateful for Scrooge. I hope she's happy. We're better off without each other.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I suffer from that once in awhile. I think sometimes we all do. I think it becomes a problem when we let it control us. It makes you lonely for things. Greener grass. When I get that way I try to remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for.
> 
> I'm grateful for Scrooge. I hope she's happy. We're better off without each other.


I'm lost on that one. Do you guys stay in touch
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

BJJmom said:


> I know for me, in house separation would be super tough. Hell, right now, in the same town separation is killing me. I hope you can figure out what's right for you & stick with it. Seeing each other only makes it tougher. I'm only one week in though, hopefully that gets easier. Sorry I'm not much help, just know you're not alone.


Thanks, every reply is helpful, it gives me more insight on how to with the pain. I'm sorry for your situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I just got back from IC, I really needed this session by the way. I was told that I need to detach emotionally from my stbxw and once I'm able to do that I'll be much better. He knows this a tough road to cross especially going through an in house separation but what choice do I have. he also said no more bringing up the past like Conrad said. He's encouraging me to focus on the now, and let go. We are both in different places in our lives and I must adjust accordingly. He recommended a book for me to read, and it's called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I went and brought the book, and I must say, I have read the first 40 pages and it's right on the money. The book focuses on living for today, not the past or future. It's also states that pain or suffering arises through desire or craving and to be free of pain we need to cut the bonds of desire. Deep.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


After that, read this:

http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf

You'll find the truth under many dust jackets.

It's actually quite simple, but not always easy.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> After that, read this:
> 
> http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf
> 
> ...


Today my stbxw family is come over for dinner I know they don't want me here and don't want to feel alienated.should I just leave, if I do I like I'm being a coward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Today my stbxw family is come over for dinner I know they don't want me here and don't want to feel alienated.should I just leave, if I do I like I'm being a coward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Be busy.

Local sporting event?

Any excuse.

If it hurts to be there, don't be.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Be busy.
> 
> Local sporting event?
> 
> ...


Thanks brother appreciate the support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I'm lost on that one. Do you guys stay in touch
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ignore the Scrooge part. I was buzzed last night when I wrote it. Too many beers with the divorce support group.

No, we don't stay in touch. Good thing too. There's no point to that.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Ignore the Scrooge part. I was buzzed last night when I wrote it. Too many beers with the divorce support group.
> 
> No, we don't stay in touch. Good thing too. There's no point to that.


Do you think the reason why you feel so much pain when stbx wants a D is because of your ego? or the fact that no one likes rejection
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks brother appreciate the support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Observe the source of pain.

Tighten personal boundaries to eliminate it.

It's a formula for a healthy more powerful existence.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Do you think the reason why you feel so much pain when stbx wants a D is because of your ego? or the fact that no one likes rejection
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Everybody is different. For me both and the shock of the deception and lies. 

We were supposedly working things out in MC. She said at 7 am I love, at 6 pm its over. 

It gets better with time. I see now how she couldn't break me, and how I wouldn't submit to her terms. She did us both a favor by pulling the plug. I guess. It doesn't matter now. Just have to let go no matter why she did it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Pictureless said:


> Everybody is different. For me both and the shock of the deception and lies.
> 
> We were supposedly working things out in MC. She said at 7 am I love, at 6 pm its over.
> 
> It gets better with time. I see now how she couldn't break me, and how I wouldn't submit to her terms. She did us both a favor by pulling the plug. I guess. It doesn't matter now. Just have to let go no matter why she did it.


Conrad's Golden Rule:

People do that which they wish to do.

People do not do that which they do not wish to do.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Conrad's Golden Rule:
> 
> People do that which they wish to do.
> 
> People do not do that which they do not wish to do.


So left and came back and the family is there and everyone is having a good time and when I come in everything gets quite than it resumes to normal. How the hell do deal with something like that, I feel like punk because I care so much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> So left and came back and the family is there and everyone is having a good time and when I come in everything gets quite than it resumes to normal. How the hell do deal with something like that, I feel like punk because I care so much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't come back next time.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So left and came back and the family is there and everyone is having a good time and when I come in everything gets quite than it resumes to normal. How the hell do deal with something like that, I feel like punk because I care so much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm very angry, ah......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Don't come back next time.


You know what, you are so right. I believe a part of me doesn't want this to end, and I keep trying to hold on hoping that we can R. That doesn't look like it's ever going to happen. I really don't have anywhere to go. I have no family in my state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> You know what, you are so right. I believe a part of me doesn't want this to end, and I keep trying to hold on hoping that we can R. That doesn't look like it's ever going to happen. I really don't have anywhere to go. I have no family in my state.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


MeetUp groups, sporting events, movies, shows, restaurants.

There's plenty to do.

Don't bs yourself.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> MeetUp groups, sporting events, movies, shows, restaurants.
> 
> There's plenty to do.
> 
> Don't bs yourself.


That's true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> That's true.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Live your life.

Show her your masculine mettle.

First, show it to yourself.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Live your life.
> 
> Show her your masculine mettle.
> 
> First, show it to yourself.


Today was a bad day and I'll take that one on the chin. I will try and do better tomorrow for myself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today was a bad day and I'll take that one on the chin. I will try and do better tomorrow for myself
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have to add this before I sign off. All day no one has had any contact with me. Now when everyone is gone she comes and ask me if I want some food with a fu..... smile on her face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

What kind of support system do you have where you are?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

IronWine29 said:


> What kind of support system do you have where you are?


Just TAM, and my IC. My dad is drug user so that's out the window.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Just TAM, and my IC. My dad is drug user so that's out the window.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But I'm going to try meetup groups.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> But I'm going to try meetup groups.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fantastic... good man.

Stay the course.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I have to add this before I sign off. All day no one has had any contact with me. Now when everyone is gone she comes and ask me if I want some food with a fu..... smile on her face.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take the focus off her... but you know that


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks for the response. Was your war very similar ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it was mostly frustrating. I had a great relationship with my in-laws but I always felt like a mule, clearing snow while others watched, or visting my family always came second.

I used to have a joke that my mother in law wanted my wife and her brother to be married based on the picture of the two of them at the home entrance from my wedding day.

I am dealing with a similar situation with my GF which is really going to doom a pretty caring relationship.

When push comes to shove, we all have limits on looking the other way when it comes to a marriage.

Good luck, it's really a tragedy,
Stretch


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Stretch said:


> I think it was mostly frustrating. I had a great relationship with my in-laws but I always felt like a mule, clearing snow while others watched, or visting my family always came second.
> 
> I used to have a joke that my mother in law wanted my wife and her brother to be married based on the picture of the two of them at the home entrance from my wedding day.
> 
> ...


Thanks, my goal for this week is to focus on me and making myself happy. in actuality I know what needs to be done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks, my goal for this week is to focus on me and making myself happy. in actuality I know what needs to be done.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just saw a note on the fridge that said I left you money for gas and food today. I know you have to save money so you can move. 
Why? Not paying it any mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Just saw a note on the fridge that said I left you money for gas and food today. I know you have to save money so you can move.
> Why? Not paying it any mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ignore that crap.

Consider it "live bait"

But, take the money.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Ignore that crap.
> 
> Consider it "live bait"
> 
> But, take the money.


Live bait?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Live bait?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wants to draw you in and fight.

Your job is to emotionally overpower her.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> She wants to draw you in and fight.
> 
> Your job is to emotionally overpower her.


So by giving me the money I'll want to engage in conversation about us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> So by giving me the money I'll want to engage in conversation about us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You'll overpower her with silence.

Think Good Will Hunting


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> You'll overpower her with silence.
> 
> Think Good Will Hunting


Got it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Got it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get busy living your life without regard for her.
***********************************
Mach put this in a CWI post... it's the best I've seen:

As everyone says you've got to be willing to burn the village to save it. It's harder to do when she has moved out, but it's definitely doable.

First expose to everyone in her family. Don't give her money for anything. 

Quit discussing the relationship. Go dark on everything but kids, until she's served. If she comes around, you can always stop it.

Change your hair. Grow it, cut it, dye it, just change it. Add or subtract facial hair.

Get another ride. Something a single guy would drive. Hot rod, chopper, sports car.

Get in the shape of your life; as in a defined six pack, and the broadest shoulders you can get.

Start dressing like a guy ten years younger with 3X the income.

Next time she sees you, and ever time thereafter, she needs to see the above changes. Just like her fake rack, this is a signal to her that you are moving onward and upward to younger and hotter. Start going out like you're dating the world. Have a baby sitter in a couple of nights per week. Got to a movie, go to the library, go feed the bears, just be going out.

She will not like this message. Provoking that is your best option. Unfortunately, she is probably too far gone and living on her own gives her too much time to sample strange. She can get addicted, due to the brain chemistry involved, to riding the cøck carousel really quick.

The outward improvements and the clouds of mystery pouring confusion on the ground may get her attention. She may possibly become intrigued, more likely not, but if this doesn't work, nothing else will either.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Get busy living your life without regard for her.
> ***********************************
> Mach put this in a CWI post... it's the best I've seen:
> 
> ...


We live together but I get what you're saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Get busy living your life without regard for her.
> ***********************************
> Mach put this in a CWI post... it's the best I've seen:
> 
> ...


How ironic, just had lunch and the fortune cookie said" USE YOUR INSTINCTS NOW"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> How ironic, just had lunch and the fortune cookie said" USE YOUR INSTINCTS NOW"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Time to get some new ones - and use them...


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Time to get some new ones - and use them...


Your the man!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

RSFWID said:


> Just saw a note on the fridge that said I left you money for gas and food today. I know you have to save money so you can move.
> Why? Not paying it any mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, so if SHE is the one who wants out of the marriage, WHY isnt SHE the one leaving?? :scratchhead:


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, so if SHE is the one who wants out of the marriage, WHY isnt SHE the one leaving?? :scratchhead:


Because when I got M, I gave up my apartment and moved into hers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Because when I got M, I gave up my apartment and moved into hers
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you on the lease?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Are you on the lease?


No, her family owns it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> No, her family owns it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's a shame.

Could have been fun to stand up there.

Never do that in the future.

A man's home is his castle.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> That's a shame.
> 
> Could have been fun to stand up there.
> 
> ...


I know, that wasn't the plan. We we're suppose to buy our own home. Lesson learned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I know, that wasn't the plan. We we're suppose to buy our own home. Lesson learned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just finished IC and I feel ok, not great but ok. He said there are a lot of issues that need to be clarified, and he doesn't like the fact that my W is holding a grudge for me cutting my hours at work to go to school. He said that he have up 150,000 a year salary to finish his doctorate and only made 26,000 that year during that time and his wife supported him because she new it was his dream and it would be better for there financial security in the future. He says he really feels I would be better off without her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Just finished IC and I feel ok, not great but ok. He said there are a lot of issues that need to be clarified, and he doesn't like the fact that my W is holding a grudge for me cutting my hours at work to go to school. He said that he have up 150,000 a year salary to finish his doctorate and only made 26,000 that year during that time and his wife supported him because she new it was his dream and it would be better for there financial security in the future. He says he really feels I would be better off without her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So I'm home now haven't made any contact all day, but it's killing me not to say something. I staying the course very tempted though, haven't had sex in 2 months. Frustrated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> So I'm home now haven't made any contact all day, but it's killing me not to say something. I staying the course very tempted though, haven't had sex in 2 months. Frustrated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tempted to initiate?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Tempted to initiate?


Yeah but I didn't
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yeah but I didn't
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Today I wake up start getting dress to go move my car because of alternate side street parking and the STBXW is up getting dress for work. She doesn't say a word to me and I'm fine that. I understand the situation, you're moving on. So as I'm trying to find parking, I stop in the local store to get some OJ and guess who walks in the store. So she says where did you come from? I replied from around the corner. Oh, Do you need some money? I say no, I'm fine. As she's walking off, she turns back and says are you ok, what's a matter? No I'm fine then I walk off. I'll see you tonight is her reply.

What is the point of all that if you don't want to be with me. Is there another factor that I'm missing, because I have not initiated any contact at all this week. Smh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Today I wake up start getting dress to go move my car because of alternate side street parking and the STBXW is up getting dress for work. She doesn't say a word to me and I'm fine that. I understand the situation, you're moving on. So as I'm trying to find parking, I stop in the local store to get some OJ and guess who walks in the store. So she says where did you come from? I replied from around the corner. Oh, Do you need some money? I say no, I'm fine. As she's walking off, she turns back and says are you ok, what's a matter? No I'm fine then I walk off. I'll see you tonight is her reply.
> 
> What is the point of all that if you don't want to be with me. Is there another factor that I'm missing, because I have not initiated any contact at all this week. Smh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keep not initiating a thing.

She's starting to miss you.

Implement a strong plan to get busy with hobbies, activities, and events that do not include her.

The cat's curiosity will increase.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Keep not initiating a thing.
> 
> She's starting to miss you.
> 
> ...


I'm going focus on my career right now and find ways to maximizes my potential. I don't ever want to be in a situation again where I have no where to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I'm going focus on my career right now and find ways to maximizes my potential. I don't ever want to be in a situation again where I have no where to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you sing?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Do you sing?


I wish lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I wish lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to go out at night.

Karaoke is a good option if you're a singer.

But, there are other methods.

Take a dance class. Women love men that can dance.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> You need to go out at night.
> 
> Karaoke is a good option if you're a singer.
> 
> ...


Good idea, I think going to go out tonight to the gentlemen club, and have a drink and relax
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Good idea, I think going to go out tonight to the gentlemen club, and have a drink and relax
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look your best, smell your best, whistle a happy tune on the way out the door.

And, most importantly, turn off your phone.

You arrive back when you're done having fun, and not a moment before.

If you work to find someone to talk to there, the opportunity will present itself.

And, she'll have some fun stories... promise.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Look your best, smell your best, whistle a happy tune on the way out the door.
> 
> And, most importantly, turn off your phone.
> 
> ...


Got it. I'm leaving now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Got it. I'm leaving now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So my stbxw calls me and leaves a message because I didn't answer, and ask me if I'm gong to pay the rent this week? 

What?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So my stbxw calls me and leaves a message because I didn't answer, and ask me if I'm gong to pay the rent this week?
> 
> What?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Should I pay it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

rsfwid said:


> should i pay it?
> _posted via mobile device_


nope.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> nope.


Tell me why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Because, she wants you OUT, so you need money to make that happen. Its HER apartment, she wants you gone, so let HER figure it out.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> You need to go out at night.
> 
> Karaoke is a good option if you're a singer.
> 
> ...


Sinatra
Gals love it.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Should I pay it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hell no.

"I'm not ok paying for a place where I won't be living"


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Hell no.
> 
> "I'm not ok paying for a place where I won't be living"


Agreed. That's crap. First you you're telling I need to save my money because you want me out, then you're asking me to pay the rent. WT?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Agreed. That's crap. First you you're telling I need to save my money because you want me out, then you're asking me to pay the rent. WT?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do not say any of that - that's what she wants... for you to drop into the weeds and fight for the victim chair.

"I'm not ok paying for a place where I won't be living"

And... SILENCE

Let her deal with the hornet's nest between her ears - rather than volunteering for her to dump it on you.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Do not say any of that - that's what she wants... for you to drop into the weeds and fight for the victim chair.
> 
> "I'm not ok paying for a place where I won't be living"
> 
> ...


I didn't respond. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction, she wants to engage in an argument. She can't cover 
the rent, you should have thought about that before you told me to get out. 
I just got hired for a second job. I want to speed up the process. I talk to my IC and he said she wants her cake and eat it too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I didn't respond. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction, she wants to engage in an argument. She can't cover
> the rent, you should have thought about that before you told me to get out.
> I just got hired for a second job. I want to speed up the process. I talk to my IC and he said she wants her cake and eat it too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just wait until your opportunity to drop this on her, "I'm not ok paying for a divorce I don't want"


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Just wait until your opportunity to drop this on her, "I'm not ok paying for a divorce I don't want"


Oh, that's without question. She really has me twisted. No more Mr Nice Guy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Oh, that's without question. She really has me twisted. No more Mr Nice Guy!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why is marriage so difficult? It seems like once you take that vow, all hell breaks loose. What happen to it being sacred, for better or worse. I was a whole lot happier when I was single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Why is marriage so difficult? It seems like once you take that vow, all hell breaks loose. What happen to it being sacred, for better or worse. I was a whole lot happier when I was single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My sister offered to give me 5k so I could move out ASAP. She doesn't want me here any longer but I declined, I couldn't accept that from her. She's a single mom of 3. Its not her problem,its mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Why is marriage so difficult? It seems like once you take that vow, all hell breaks loose. What happen to it being sacred, for better or worse. I was a whole lot happier when I was single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was sent to teach you.

This is your opportunity to learn.

Stay the course.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> She was sent to teach you.
> 
> This is your opportunity to learn.
> 
> Stay the course.


Woke up this morning feeling low, and lonely. But , I kept it to myself didn't initiate any contact. It seems you have your good days and bad days. Today feels like a bad day. I'm going to keep pushing for total independence. Just tired of feeling like crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

Keep your chin up. Think of one thing you can do today to make yourself feel better, even if its just walking the dog. Take the time to do it.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

IronWine29 said:


> Keep your chin up. Think of one thing you can do today to make yourself feel better, even if its just walking the dog. Take the time to do it.


Thanks IW. Every morning I get up and go move my car because parking over here sucks. As I'm coming back my stbxw is coming in the same direction, remind you I have breakfast in my hand as we'll. she says is that for me, I didn't reply. So she says don't forget I'm going to have dinner with my friend tonight and I'm going to buy some uniforms for work. So I replied you don't have to, I'm fine and I walk away. Why is she telling me this. When she comes home from work in the evening she doesn't say a word to me. But in the morning she' so friendly. WT?. Is she trying to make fool out of me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks IW. Every morning I get up and go move my car because parking over here sucks. As I'm coming back my stbxw is coming in the same direction, remind you I have breakfast in my hand as we'll. she says is that for me, I didn't reply. So she says don't forget I'm going to have dinner with my friend tonight and I'm going to buy some uniforms for work. So I replied you don't have to, I'm fine and I walk away. Why is she telling me this. When she comes home from work in the evening she doesn't say a word to me. But in the morning she' so friendly. WT?. Is she trying to make fool out of me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah , before I forget. She also said I'm not feeling well, I have my period. What and why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Oh yeah , before I forget. She also said I'm not feeling well, I have my period. What and why?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So today I'm going to get my car detailed be for I go to work. I also want to stop by BN a get a book, any recommendation? I looking for something that is really good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So today I'm going to get my car detailed be for I go to work. I also want to stop by BN a get a book, any recommendation? I looking for something that is really good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My IC guy recommended "Raising Resilient Children."

Keep up the 180! Don't let her draw you out.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

IronWine29 said:


> My IC guy recommended "Raising Resilient Children."
> 
> Keep up the 180! Don't let her draw you out.


Thanks for the support, and I'm staying strong. Sounds like an interesting book, I'll check it out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

IronWine29 said:


> My IC guy recommended "Raising Resilient Children."
> 
> Keep up the 180! Don't let her draw you out.


Toxic Parents is also a good read.

Also, to understand your wife, the "Dance of Anger" is good.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Toxic Parents is also a good read.
> 
> Also, to understand your wife, the "Dance of Anger" is good.


Ok will do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Oh yeah , before I forget. She also said I'm not feeling well, I have my period. What and why?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


classic excuse. PMS is real. My ex became a demon at that time of the month. But now that you're divorcing, her hormonal cycle is between her and the sanitary products makers. 

Just keep 180'ing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> classic excuse. PMS is real. My ex became a demon at that time of the month. But now that you're divorcing, her hormonal cycle is between her and the sanitary products makers.
> 
> Just keep 180'ing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just got a message, saying I ordered some new uniforms for you. My thing is why? If you want a D and want me out the house, why bother. Playing mind games and I'm not interested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Just got a message, saying I ordered some new uniforms for you. My thing is why? If you want a D and want me out the house, why bother. Playing mind games and I'm not interested.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, I wake up this am and see my stbx on her knees crying and praying. I didn't say anything, then she leaves and comes back. Tells me she going out and then ask me if I need money. I said no I'm fine and walked off. ????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So, I wake up this am and see my stbx on her knees crying and praying. I didn't say anything, then she leaves and comes back. Tells me she going out and then ask me if I need money. I said no I'm fine and walked off. ????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My thing is this, if deep down in Heart you don't want to save our M then leave me the hell alone. I'm not going to anyone's doormat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> My thing is this, if deep down in Heart you don't want to save our M then leave me the hell alone. I'm not going to anyone's doormat.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been contacted by an old friend who wants to go to dinner. We've been talking about my current situation and she invited me. I don't know if it's a good idea because I think I know where this headed. Don't get me wrong I want to go, because I'm tired of being miserable. Need some advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I've been contacted by an old friend who wants to go to dinner. We've been talking about my current situation and she invited me. I don't know if it's a good idea because I think I know where this headed. Don't get me wrong I want to go, because I'm tired of being miserable. Need some advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you want to go to dinner then go. Show you have options. 

If she wants "dessert" and you don't then pass. 

I would want dessert after the relationship is over but that's me.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I've been contacted by an old friend who wants to go to dinner. We've been talking about my current situation and she invited me. I don't know if it's a good idea because I think I know where this headed. Don't get me wrong I want to go, because I'm tired of being miserable. Need some advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What could it hurt?

Go dutch and have a good time.

No physical stuff.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> What could it hurt?
> 
> Go dutch and have a good time.
> 
> No physical stuff.


Today I slipped and now I feel like crap. Got into a conversation with my stbxw and started talk about our relationship. We tried to discuss what we were going to do moving forward. Some how the past was brought up because I told her I didn't believe in divorce and I don't. But in her mind we just don't mesh and I did a lot of bs to her. We went back in forth, I didn't want to but I wasn't going to let her run over me. I feel like my insides are coming out. I don't realize how much I don't want this to happen. Need some support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Today I slipped and now I feel like crap. Got into a conversation with my stbxw and started talk about our relationship. We tried to discuss what we were going to do moving forward. Some how the past was brought up because I told her I didn't believe in divorce and I don't. But in her mind we just don't mesh and I did a lot of bs to her. We went back in forth, I didn't want to but I wasn't going to let her run over me. I feel like my insides are coming out. I don't realize how much I don't want this to happen. Need some support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk less, do more.

Every one of those conversations you have pushes her further away.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Talk less, do more.
> 
> Every one of those conversations you have pushes her further away.


I know so stupid. She not going to change her mind about the D, she also said her family told her long time ago to get rid of me. She said she was defending me. WT? I was also told that we don't work no.more and she can't allow herself to be in happy anymore. I told her she was taking the easy way out, I actually hate her right now. My children ask to come over, her reply was she didn't feel comfortable with them being here since we're going through a divorce
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I know so stupid. She not going to change her mind about the D, she also said her family told her long time ago to get rid of me. She said she was defending me. WT? I was also told that we don't work no.more and she can't allow herself to be in happy anymore. I told her she was taking the easy way out, I actually hate her right now. My children ask to come over, her reply was she didn't feel comfortable with them being here since we're going through a divorce
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The hell with her.

Have your kids over if you wish.

Why in the world are you asking permission?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> The hell with her.
> 
> Have your kids over if you wish.
> 
> Why in the world are you asking permission?


:scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> The hell with her.
> 
> Have your kids over if you wish.
> 
> Why in the world are you asking permission?


Because ll her nephew is staying with us, and when my kids come he has to leave. So tell her in advance there coming . That way there no problems. I feel really low, this is crazy. I can't believe some of stuff I'm writing on here. I fell so pathetic. I feel like I'm going to explode.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Because ll her nephew is staying with us, and when my kids come he has to leave. So tell her in advance there coming . That way there no problems. I feel really low, this is crazy. I can't believe some of stuff I'm writing on here. I fell so pathetic. I feel like I'm going to explode.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm failing miserably right now. I guess I'm trying to hold on to something that is no longer. Seven years is a long time to just throw away. I didn't realize I was still hurting this much. Deep down in my heart I still want to save my M. After hearing from her that her family has been telling her for years to D me really hurt, I didn't think I was that bad of a husband. I know I've done some bad things. I think someone else is in the picture. I had a bad feeling today, so I told her I came to your job and you weren't there, did you go to work. She said yes, I said that's strange I called you and you didn't pick up. She said I left early. Oh really. I didn't go to her job I just said that. Then said I didn't call because all of her job call a we're forwarded to her cell phone. She told on herself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

tom67 said:


> :scratchhead::scratchhead:


I think this in house separation is breaking me. How do I fix this? I feel like I'm all over the place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Because ll her nephew is staying with us, and when my kids come he has to leave. So tell her in advance there coming . That way there no problems. I feel really low, this is crazy. I can't believe some of stuff I'm writing on here. I fell so pathetic. I feel like I'm going to explode.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who gives a crap?

Seriously?

Tell them they're welcome in your house.

Quit pvssyfooting around seeking her approval.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Who gives a crap?
> 
> Seriously?
> 
> ...


I decided that if this what she really wants, I'm going to give it to her. I'm at the court house as we speak, Filling for D. Last night took me back to a low point a I had a few months ago, it was a devastating event that hurt me and I know I haven't truly recovers from that. I want half of what ever I'm entitled to, Then we go from there. This process is having a negative effect on me. I take care of people for living and I almost made an medication error yesterday because I distracted by this non sense. I don't ever want to bring my personal issues into my professional life. I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, I've been in a state of denial for a long time thinking that everything is my fault, and it's not. I have strong feeling she' seeing someone else, I know she doesn't have guts to tell me. So she is going bring up things I did in the past to give her the excuse she needs. I have tears coming down my eyes not because I'm, but because I'm tired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I decided that if this what she really wants, I'm going to give it to her. I'm at the court house as we speak, Filling for D. Last night took me back to a low point a I had a few months ago, it was a devastating event that hurt me and I know I haven't truly recovers from that. I want half of what ever I'm entitled to, Then we go from there. This process is having a negative effect on me. I take care of people for living and I almost made an medication error yesterday because I distracted by this non sense. I don't ever want to bring my personal issues into my professional life. I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, I've been in a state of denial for a long time thinking that everything is my fault, and it's not. I have strong feeling she' seeing someone else, I know she doesn't have guts to tell me. So she is going bring up things I did in the past to give her the excuse she needs. I have tears coming down my eyes not because I'm, but because I'm tired.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Voice Activated Recorder under the seat of her car.

Get the information and crush the affair.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Voice Activated Recorder under the seat of her car.
> 
> Get the information and crush the affair.


I'm going to buy it when I leave to court. Enough is enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I'm going to buy it when I leave to court. Enough is enough.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why should we become addicted to another person? They say every addiction begins with pain and ends with pain. Do relationships cause pain and unhappiness ? Or do they bring out the pain and unhappiness you're already feeling. They say every addiction reaches a point where it doesn't work for you anymore, then you feel the pain more intensely then ever. Can You truly have a an whole relationship if you or your partner are not whole. Can you and your partner become whole together? The questions that I ask are because I'm searching my soul to find my true self. Do I want to be happy? Do we allow our partner to define our happiness?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Can You truly have a an whole relationship if you or your partner are not whole. Can you and your partner become whole together? The questions that I ask are because I'm searching my soul to find my true self. Do I want to be happy? Do we allow our partner to define our happiness?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As I've found out the hard way and too late, you cannot have a whole relationship if your partner is not happy. Unfortunately, some people deceive themselves while they are deceiving you. 

You can only make yourself happy. You can't fix your partner. If their behavior makes you unhappy you are loving the wrong person. 

If you are happy with yourself and your partner is happy with themself then the relationship should work as you both work together for the sake of each other. 

If you allow your partner to define your happiness you and the relationship is doomed. Your needs, wants and desires are just as important as your partner's. 

Take the red pill. Learn from this. Do better next time. Unlearn the feminine imperative. Get alpha and stay that way.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Why should we become addicted to another person? They say every addiction begins with pain and ends with pain. Do relationships cause pain and unhappiness ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you permit it.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> If you permit it.


Tonight I'm going on out for drinks with an old friend and I'm so excited. It's been at least 5 years since I've actually went out and had some fun. So i have my outfit fresh out the cleaners, and I brought some new shoes yesterday. Went to IC yesterday and she told me to go out and have a good time and don't think about my ex. I told her that my stbx told me that we would never have sex again. She laughed and said, we'll my friend she just gave you an open invitation to do what makes you happy. She said 2 1/2 months is ridiculous, and that if she were me she would not want to save this. She feel that I've been thrown under the bus because of her family. Also no man would want to live under those circumstances. My stbx called her for a referral a while back, so she wanted to know if she went, I said no. She said my stbx is full of sh.! and if she was really committed to preserving he M she would be in IC like me trying to become a better person like me. I was also told that if this was to ever work, we would have to remove ourselves from being smothered by her family. Her family should not come before our M and that's the bottom line.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Tonight I'm going on out for drinks with an old friend and I'm so excited. It's been at least 5 years since I've actually went out and had some fun. So i have my outfit fresh out the cleaners, and I brought some new shoes yesterday. Went to IC yesterday and she told me to go out and have a good time and don't think about my ex. I told her that my stbx told me that we would never have sex again. She laughed and said, we'll my friend she just gave you an open invitation to do what makes you happy. She said 2 1/2 months is ridiculous, and that if she were me she would not want to save this. She feel that I've been thrown under the bus because of her family. Also no man would want to live under those circumstances. My stbx called her for a referral a while back, so she wanted to know if she went, I said no. She said my stbx is full of sh.! and if she was really committed to preserving he M she would be in IC like me trying to become a better person like me. I was also told that if this was to ever work, we would have to remove ourselves from being smothered by her family. Her family should not come before our M and that's the bottom line.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does this feel like competition to you?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Does this feel like competition to you?


Absolutely
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Absolutely
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Counterproductive

This has nothing to do with her.

It needs to be all about you.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Counterproductive
> 
> This has nothing to do with her.
> 
> It needs to be all about you.


Sorry,I miss understood what you said. I thought you were asking me if I felt like I was in a competition with her family. I not competing with her, I'm just trying to move forward no matter how painful if might be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Sorry,I miss understood what you said. I thought you were asking me if I felt like I was in a competition with her family. I not competing with her, I'm just trying to move forward no matter how painful if might be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In your posts, practice this discipline.

Tell us how you are feeling and what you plan to do.

The less focus on her, the better.

You'll find that she is completely irrelevant to your growth as a person.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> In your posts, practice this discipline.
> 
> Tell us how you are feeling and what you plan to do.
> 
> ...


Ok, makes sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knowfiguy (Mar 13, 2014)

Hey RSF,

I've been finding the last few days, that the more I focus on the simple fact that SHE wanted something else, rather then all the details why, who, where, and when's. It seems to not get to me as much.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

knowfiguy said:


> Hey RSF,
> 
> I've been finding the last few days, that the more I focus on the simple fact that SHE wanted something else, rather then all the details why, who, where, and when's. It seems to not get to me as much.


What's up knowfiguy,
I can relate to that. I haven't be able you adjust accordingly because I emphasize on her too much. My heart doesn't want to let go, but my mind is telling me I need to. I know I do. But rather than focus on them. How are things going for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> What's up knowfiguy,
> I can relate to that. I haven't be able you adjust accordingly because I emphasize on her too much. My heart doesn't want to let go, but my mind is telling me I need to. I know I do. But rather than focus on them. How are things going for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't get through this alone. It's breaking my heart that I'm getting a D. So we had a discussion about where stand and she expresses to me that we don't work and she tired of feeling like she is alone. She feels I didn't give the support she needed. I didn't protect her. Pretty much the first 5 years of our marriage she carried the load. That is true. There are lot of things I did wrong and I have to honestly say I had a big part in this process. But is was not all me. This is karma coming back to bite me in the a.. for the messed up thing I did to her. I'm not feeling sorry for myself I'm just be honest with myself. I've officially lost the one person I thought truley loved me. I've never seen her act this way in my life I know she is truly hurt. So we agreed that I will be moving out between June and August. She prefers June but I said if it's not June I will it will be august. Honestly speaking I know heart won't allow to make it to June or August. I have too choices I can either move now and go stay with my mom, but the only problem is she a drug user and I don't want to be in that environmentor could stay here possibly until June or August. I have reality just kicked in and I'm broken beyond words can describe. I truly need some support at this moment. I really appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I can't get through this alone. It's breaking my heart that I'm getting a D. So we had a discussion about where stand and she expresses to me that we don't work and she tired of feeling like she is alone. She feels I didn't give the support she needed. I didn't protect her. Pretty much the first 5 years of our marriage she carried the load. That is true. There are lot of things I did wrong and I have to honestly say I had a big part in this process. But is was not all me. This is karma coming back to bite me in the a.. for the messed up thing I did to her. I'm not feeling sorry for myself I'm just be honest with myself. I've officially lost the one person I thought truley loved me. I've never seen her act this way in my life I know she is truly hurt. So we agreed that I will be moving out between June and August. She prefers June but I said if it's not June I will it will be august. Honestly speaking I know heart won't allow to make it to June or August. I have too choices I can either move now and go stay with my mom, but the only problem is she a drug user and I don't want to be in that environmentor could stay here possibly until June or August. I have reality just kicked in and I'm broken beyond words can describe. I truly need some support at this moment. I really appreciate it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For Christ's sake, why are you talking to her?

It weakens you every single time.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> For Christ's sake, why are you talking to her?
> 
> It weakens you every single time.


I know very stupid. It feels like I'm a gluten for punishment. I'm still holing on to something that is no longer. I messed up bad, trying to be cordial.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knowfiguy (Mar 13, 2014)

RSFWID said:


> I can't get through this alone. It's breaking my heart that I'm getting a D. So we had a discussion about where stand and she expresses to me that we don't work and she tired of feeling like she is alone. She feels I didn't give the support she needed. I didn't protect her. Pretty much the first 5 years of our marriage she carried the load. That is true. There are lot of things I did wrong and I have to honestly say I had a big part in this process. But is was not all me. This is karma coming back to bite me in the a.. for the messed up thing I did to her. I'm not feeling sorry for myself I'm just be honest with myself. I've officially lost the one person I thought truley loved me. I've never seen her act this way in my life I know she is truly hurt. So we agreed that I will be moving out between June and August. She prefers June but I said if it's not June I will it will be august. Honestly speaking I know heart won't allow to make it to June or August. I have too choices I can either move now and go stay with my mom, but the only problem is she a drug user and I don't want to be in that environmentor could stay here possibly until June or August. I have reality just kicked in and I'm broken beyond words can describe. I truly need some support at this moment. I really appreciate it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey rsf. I totally get it I've basically dont the same thing today. I'm only a few days in but it hit me like a sack of bricks when I came home tonight to a empty home. Same emotions. The person who I trusted my life to and my love is done. Ready to go somewhere else. I texted her telling how I felt emotionally. Which I shouldn't but I just had a complete moment of anger sadness lonelyness fear and felt overwhelmed. Just a few days ago she is the person I would of confided in.

Its so hard man. I feel your pain so I hope you can Come to some peace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

knowfiguy said:


> Hey rsf. I totally get it I've basically dont the same thing today. I'm only a few days in but it hit me like a sack of bricks when I came home tonight to a empty home. Same emotions. The person who I trusted my life to and my love is done. Ready to go somewhere else. I texted her telling how I felt emotionally. Which I shouldn't but I just had a complete moment of anger sadness lonelyness fear and felt overwhelmed. Just a few days ago she is the person I would of confided in.
> 
> Its so hard man. I feel your pain so I hope you can Come to some peace.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for the support and I have to thank Conrad who been on side from day one. I know he's trying to help me. I am weak when I speak to her because I still love her. I know that's not the approach I should be taking and I didn't engage her she came to me. I am angry hurt afraid in denial and everything else that comes with it. I don't want this I'm having a very hard time getting through this. I don't mean to set myself up. I want to be able to be cold and just move on. I know I'm doing everything but the right thing. Just can't understand why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

> I don't mean to set myself up.
> 
> I want to be able to be cold and just move on.
> 
> I know I'm doing everything but the right thing. Just can't understand why.


You set yourself up every time you try to talk to her.

You can't expect empathy from a woman.

She doesn't give a sh!t about what you want.

It's time YOU go after what you want. So go for it.

What was your mission BEFORE you met her?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> You set yourself up every time you try to talk to her.
> 
> You can't expect empathy from a woman.
> 
> ...


I don't know. I wanted to become a nurse I accomplished that. That was really my dream. I guess I've forgotten how to live for me. All I ever wanted to be was happy and live a normal life. I had a hard life growing up and I was never taught how to be happy. I've always dream about having a family of my own but that didn't workout to well. I don't know what I want at this point
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I don't know. I wanted to become a nurse I accomplished that. That was really my dream. I guess I've forgotten how to live for me. All I ever wanted to be was happy and live a normal life. I had a hard life growing up and I was never taught how to be happy. I've always dream about having a family of my own but that didn't workout to well. I don't know what I want at this point
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you've accomplished your career goals? You have no kids?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> So you've accomplished your career goals? You have no kids?


I have 2 children from a previous relationship
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I have 2 children from a previous relationship
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How old are you?

I wish I had your problems. You have a great job, make good money, and have children who love you.

Do you work in a hospital? The last time I was at the hospital I saw a ton of good looking nurses. Why don't you play doctor with one of them?

Don't be nice to them. Be yourself. Watch them as they gather in their herd in the break room, complaining about their lives. That's what the do. But they want a man. A real man, not someone to fix them or concerned about their feelings. They have those people in their lives, they're called girlfriends.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> How old are you?
> 
> I wish I had your problems. You have a great job, make good money, and have children who love you.
> 
> ...


I'm 37, and yes I do work in a hospital. It's funny you said that because they always do. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I'm 37, and yes I do work in a hospital. It's funny you said that because they always do. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're at a great age and you have a career and money. What's your problem? You loved your wife, it didn't work out, go spin some plates!

Work out, eat right, bank some money for a few months. Come summer time you could be dating TONS of good looking women aged 28-45 looking for a man with a job and his sh!t together.

I'll be competing against you. I'm a few years older, you're younger. You make more money, but I have no kids.

See? We have options. Our b!tch wives did not destroy us.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> You're at a great age and you have a career and money. What's your problem? You loved your wife, it didn't work out, go spin some plates!
> 
> Work out, eat right, bank some money for a few months. Come summer time you could be dating TONS of good looking women aged 28-45 looking for a man with a job and his sh!t together.
> 
> ...


Thank you I needed that this am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Thank you I needed that this am.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't thank me, look in the mirror and thank yourself. You went out and accomplished your career goals. Be happy about that.

Be happy that you have children.

Be happy that you make good money and have a career not a job.

Be happy that you are going through this at 37 instead of 47.

Be a good nurse but spend some time healing YOU first. Being a nurse doesn't mean you are on duty 24 hours a day trying to fix the world so others will be happy. YOU be happy.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Don't thank me, look in the mirror and thank yourself. You went out and accomplished your career goals. Be happy about that.
> 
> Be happy that you have children.
> 
> ...


Yes, I am blessed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yes, I am blessed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why is this women calling me? Don't worry I'm staying the course , didn't break today I didn't answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Why is this women calling me? Don't worry I'm staying the course , didn't break today I didn't answer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Anyone on here from Texas?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Anyone on here from Texas?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Check this one out, she text me and it says I she called to ask you if I want burgers for dinner. She joking right? Does this women no what it means to tell someone you want a D. Don't worry, today I'm on my A game.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Anyone on here from Texas?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I took my b!tch exwife there twice a few years back. The first time to Houston, the second time to Austin. The second trip sucked because she talked me into taking her punk, ungrateful kids with us. What was I thinking, allowing them to come to Austin with us? Who can go on a fun vacation in a night life city with two punks kids in tow????


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I took my b!tch exwife there twice a few years back. The first time to Houston, the second time to Austin. The second trip sucked because she talked me into taking her punk, ungrateful kids with us. What was I thinking, allowing them to come to Austin with us? Who can go on a fun vacation in a night life city with two punks kids in tow????


I wanted to go visit. I hear it's nice out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I wanted to go visit. I hear it's nice out there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's great down there! That was "our" dream anyway, to move down there after her punk, ungrateful, lazy kids turned 18. I guess I always knew that wouldn't happen....not with her.

So while my plans are going to be a little delayed, I'M still going through with the program without fat-as$ holding me back.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> It's great down there! That was "our" dream anyway, to move down there after her punk, ungrateful, lazy kids turned 18. I guess I always knew that wouldn't happen....not with her.
> 
> So while my plans are going to be a little delayed, I'M still going through with the program without fat-as$ holding me back.


It's so funny you said that was mine also, to move out here and buy our dream home. Funny how life throws you curve balls. Do you ever miss her? And how long were You M
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Anyone on here from Texas?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wassup?


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> It's so funny you said that was mine also, to move out here and buy our dream home. Funny how life throws you curve balls. Do you ever miss her? And how long were You M
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course I miss her. It's like getting your arm blown off in a war; you're used to it being there but it's not. That will fade.

I miss who she used to be. The last year sucked. I know I got blue pill beta trying to save the marriage which only drove her more away. We were together 12 years. I am better off. So much good has already happened and will continue to happen. 

Time to hit the gym for ME. Lots of cute, fit, gym bunnies there. TTYL.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Of course I miss her. It's like getting your arm blown off in a war; you're used to it being there but it's not. That will fade.
> 
> I miss who she used to be. The last year sucked. I know I got blue pill beta trying to save the marriage which only drove her more away. We were together 12 years. I am better off. So much good has already happened and will continue to happen.
> 
> Time to hit the gym for ME. Lots of cute, fit, gym bunnies there. TTYL.


Ok lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Went to church this evening and it felt good. It was like my sanctuary. I also ran into my rev, who asked me how was the family. I replied everyone was fine, he said how about you. I said I'm ok, he said that's not what the expression on your face is saying. Come and talk to me, I explained my situation that I came to pray cnd ask for guidance. He prayed with and for me privately. He ask me to her to come see him, I replied I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want to add anymore fuel to the fire. He requested that I ask her to give him 1 hour of her time. Need some advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Went to church this evening and it felt good. It was like my sanctuary. I also ran into my rev, who asked me how was the family. I replied everyone was fine, he said how about you. I said I'm ok, he said that's not what the expression on your face is saying. Come and talk to me, I explained my situation that I came to pray cnd ask for guidance. He prayed with and for me privately. He ask me to her to come see him, I replied I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want to add anymore fuel to the fire. He requested that I ask her to give him 1 hour of her time. Need some advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you need advice about specifically?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> What do you need advice about specifically?


I don't know if I should ask her, I don't want look weak.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I don't know if I should ask her, I don't want look weak.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did he marry you two? Does he know you both well? Did you two go to his church together? Are you long time members?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Did he marry you two? Does he know you both well? Did you two go to his church together? Are you long time members?


He didn't marry us, but we are members who haven't been there in a while. He know us well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> He didn't marry us, but we are members who haven't been there in a while. He know us well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would think he would attempt to contact her whether you want him to or not. 

Does she still go to church there?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I would think he would attempt to contact her whether you want him to or not.
> 
> Does she still go to church there?


No, but he doesn't have her number. He wanted to come to our house. I said please don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> No, but he doesn't have her number. He wanted to come to our house. I said please don't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you honestly think it would help? If it's not in her heart it's probably not in her head.

Mine sat next to me in church every Sunday morning for the last six months. We went to bible study together every week. She accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior and became born again. Then she dumped me.

When people at the church and our pastor started asking her where I was, she just stopped going. They later told me she said we mutually agreed to split up. They all know me and that I would never agree to that.

I guess it's important to her to appear to be a good Christian wife who, in spite of all her troubles, she still manages to be faithful and attend every week.

Either that or she'd have to admit she's committing adultery, coveting, and divorcing without any scriptural basis.

Dude, if you're really a Christian and she says she is, what do you think her behavior says?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Do you honestly think it would help? If it's not in her heart it's probably not in her head.
> 
> Mine sat next to me in church every Sunday morning for the last six months. We went to bible study together every week. She accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior and became born again. Then she dumped me.
> 
> ...


I believe she might be willing to go, but I truly believe she adamant about this D. Here's the the thing, she's trying to be cordial with me so it's easier for her in the house. I know the game she's playing. Being cordial has nothing to do with me. She doesn't want a mess around her family. Her niece lives with us so she wants to keep the tension down so it's easier for her. Plus she wants to control the outcome. She know I don't want this. Her family doesn't like me and they have a big influence in her decision wether she admits or not. I am very angry at her. I don't want to give the opportunity to reject me again. I'm tired of that crap. It weakens me, but I don't want to let the rev down. He told me don't sign any papers until, because she thinks she want a D because in her mind the grass is greener on the other side. He also said, he has been married for 40 years and his situation is similar to mine his first 7 years, but didn't take the easy way out. He knows what it takes to preserve a M. The only question is would she be willing. What did he say, 33 years HAPPILY married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I believe she might be willing to go, but I truly believe she adamant about this D. Here's the the thing, she's trying to be cordial with me so it's easier for her in the house. I know the game she's playing. Being cordial has nothing to do with me. She doesn't want a mess around her family. Her niece lives with us so she wants to keep the tension down so it's easier for her. Plus she wants to control the outcome. She know I don't want this. Her family doesn't like me and they have a big influence in her decision wether she admits or not. I am very angry at her. I don't want to give the opportunity to reject me again. I'm tired of that crap. It weakens me, but I don't want to let the rev down. He told me don't sign any papers until, because she thinks she want a D because in her mind the grass is greener on the other side. He also said, he has been married for 40 years and his situation is similar to mine his first 7 years, but didn't take the easy way out. He knows what it takes to preserve a M. The only question is would she be willing. What did he say, 33 years HAPPILY married.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you think it will help, have him come by. If you're a Christian you should make every effort to save your marriage but do not beg, cry, plead, or bargain (but you already knew that).

When she sent me the divorce papers I simply asked is this what you really want? She said yes. I said Christians don't give up on each other, we have an awesome God and anything is possible. She said oh you conveniently use God as a reference. I was like....what??? It took about 3 seconds and then I realized she might be nuts, she might be in a fog, but she's not a Christian. Not right now. She's got bigger problems than abandoning me.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> If you think it will help, have him come by. If you're a Christian you should make every effort to save your marriage but do not beg, cry, plead, or bargain (but you already knew that).
> 
> When she sent me the divorce papers I simply asked is this what you really want? She said yes. I said Christians don't give up on each other, we have an awesome God and anything is possible. She said oh you conveniently use God as a reference. I was like....what??? It took about 3 seconds and then I realized she might be nuts, she might be in a fog, but she's not a Christian. Not right now. She's got bigger problems than abandoning me.


I kid you not, I said something of that sort when told her I don't believe in D. I just back in the house a few minutes ago and she asked me if I was hungry and told me I could sleep on my side of the bed but it doesn't mean she changed her mind. I didn't respond. What the he?? Is this. Can somebody tell me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I kid you not, I said something of that sort when told her I don't believe in D. I just back in the house a few minutes ago and she asked me if I was hungry and told me I could sleep on my side of the bed but it doesn't mean she changed her mind. I didn't respond. What the he?? Is this. Can somebody tell me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IDK but if you want to sleep in your bed go ahead. Why does she get to decide that?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> IDK but if you want to sleep in your bed go ahead. Why does she get to decide that?


She doesn't. I was doing it for me, I didn't want to feel like sh--. Did you meet any honeys in the gym?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

The fact that her parents have such a strong hold on her is really the fact at hand. The second one being that the other siblings stay away. Can you elaborate on the dynamics of her family?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> IDK but if you want to sleep in your bed go ahead. Why does she get to decide that?


So she agreed to meet with the rev so he can talk to her. I don't know where this going to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So she agreed to meet with the rev so he can talk to her. I don't know where this going to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you think by her agreeing to meet with him there is a chance I can save this M or this going to make her position stronger. Remember this was at his request not mines. I do appreciate his help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID,

Yours has an unhealthy attachment to her parents, mine has an unhealthy attachment to her kids. Triangulated relationships don't work.

Everyone deserves to be treated as #1 every once in a while. Husband and wife have to treat each other equally. 

You've been posting here for about a month now. How many pages on this thread? I know you want to save M and don't want a D, but what has changed?

Do yourself a favor, divorce her instead of waiting to get divorced by her. It will hurt less. Trust me. Just be thankful you're going through this at 37 not 47.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> RSFWID,
> 
> Yours has an unhealthy attachment to her parents, mine has an unhealthy attachment to her kids. Triangulated relationships don't work.
> 
> ...


Pictureless
I absolutely respect your honestly. I thank you for being straight forward,You have giving me solid advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Pictureless
> I absolutely respect your honestly. I thank you for being straight forward,You have giving me solid advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When did you realize there was nothing else you could do, it was time to go? How did you prepare yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> When did you realize there was nothing else you could do, it was time to go? How did you prepare yourself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I posted that last night. Read back a few posts. I made her pay for the D and she did. The whole speed of it signals POSOM but I have no proof other than gut. I regret not confirming and exposing but oh well, live and learn.

Like others have posted, you have good and bad days. This morning I wanted to go over there and snap his neck in front of her, but she's not worth the jail time. Instead I use my anger to diet and exercise.

Yup, she might be "winning" now but in the long run I will do better. The guy that she left me for must be a real winner to prey on 49 year old women struggling with their marriage. They deserve each other. Now she's three times divorced. Does he think he's different-that she won't do him like she did me? Does she really think it's going to last? That all three of her husband's were wrong but this guy is THE ONE? Good luck to them.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I posted that last night. Read back a few posts. I made her pay for the D and she did. The whole speed of it signals POSOM but I have no proof other than gut. I regret not confirming and exposing but oh well, live and learn.
> 
> Like others have posted, you have good and bad days. This morning I wanted to go over there and snap his neck in front of her, but she's not worth the jail time. Instead I use my anger to diet and exercise.
> 
> Yup, she might be "winning" now but in the long run I will do better. The guy that she left me for must be a real winner to prey on 49 year old women struggling with their marriage. They deserve each other. Now she's three times divorced. Does he think he's different-that she won't do him like she did me? Does she really think it's going to last? That all three of her husband's were wrong but this guy is THE ONE? Good luck to them.


No, please don't do that she is not worth it. I get the picture. Are you seeing someone now? And if so how is that working for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> No, please don't do that she is not worth it. I get the picture. Are you seeing someone now? And if so how is that working for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope, she is not worth it and our relationship is PERFECT right now!


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Nope, she is not worth it and our relationship is PERFECT right now!


Lol I hear that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knowfiguy (Mar 13, 2014)

Rsf when does the wife meet with the pastor?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

knowfiguy said:


> Rsf when does the wife meet with the pastor?


The meeting is set for tonight and he wants me there. I don't know what to think, or what's going to happen. I'm trying not to get angry or think negative, but I'm afraid that this might be completely the end. I've praying that some good comes out of this meeting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> The meeting is set for tonight and he wants me there. I don't know what to think, or what's going to happen. I'm trying not to get angry or think negative, but I'm afraid that this might be completely the end. I've praying that some good comes out of this meeting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Afraid and praying. Were you like that before you asked her out for the first date?

My point is you need to get yourself mentally where you were before you even met her. Life with her is supposed to add to your happiness, not define it.

There are worse things to worry and pray about besides your wife leaving you, especially the way she's behaving now.

You have options, try to remember that.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Afraid and praying. Were you like that before you asked her out for the first date?
> 
> My point is you need to get yourself mentally where you were before you even met her. Life with her is supposed to add to your happiness, not define it.
> 
> ...


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Pictureless said:
> 
> 
> > Afraid and praying. Were you like that before you asked her out for the first date?
> ...


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> RSFWID said:
> 
> 
> > I hear what you are saying and I respect that.
> ...


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Pictureless said:
> 
> 
> > We'll I did the best I could and I don't know where to go from here. We meet with the reverend and he said we took a vow, that should be honored no matter what. He said that we shouldn't quit, that every M problems and how you fix it, you simply put in the work. He said emotion causes irrational thinking and love is action. The definition of love is, the sustained direction of ones will towards another good. He do I know what kills love and I said no, his response " neglect ".
> ...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Pictureless said:
> 
> 
> > We'll I did the best I could and I don't know where to go from here. We meet with the reverend and he said we took a vow, that should be honored no matter what. He said that we shouldn't quit, that every M problems and how you fix it, you simply put in the work. He said emotion causes irrational thinking and love is action. The definition of love is, the sustained direction of ones will towards another good. He do I know what kills love and I said no, his response " neglect ".
> ...


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> RSFWID said:
> 
> 
> > It's not nearly that simple.
> ...


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> RSFWID said:
> 
> 
> > The Christian definition of love is in 1 Corinthians 13. Did he read it to you guys?
> ...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Pictureless said:
> 
> 
> > We read Ephesians 5 and he made us think back to what brought us together, and the characteristics that made us choose one another, he said we need to get back to that place.
> ...


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Conrad,

Why quote me in response to RSFWID's posts?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Pictureless said:


> Conrad,
> 
> Why quote me in response to RSFWID's posts?


Has something to do with how his phone is interfacing with the forum.


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Pictureless said:
> 
> 
> > We read Ephesians 5 and he made us think back to what brought us together, and the characteristics that made us choose one another, he said we need to get back to that place.
> ...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

See how you quoted yourself above.


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Conrad said:


> See how you quoted yourself above.


yeah its weird I don't know why this is happening


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Pictureless said:


> yeah its weird I don't know why this is happening


I already told you.


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I already told you.


Is there a thumbs down button here?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Is there a thumbs down button here?


Still no word or decision on what's going to happen. I'm waiting for her to approach me but It look like that's going to happen. I don't know if she's processing what we talked about or she just doesn't give a sh??. How long should I wait to get a response based off of last night?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Still no word or decision on what's going to happen. I'm waiting for her to approach me but It look like that's going to happen. I don't know if she's processing what we talked about or she just doesn't give a sh??. How long should I wait to get a response based off of last night?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know what you have to do. Be the strong, independent man that you are and were before you met her, which is probably what attracted her to you in the first place. 

She knows what's up. Now it's all on her. Act like you don't give a bleep what she does; don't be angry or unfriendly, but don't go out of your way to appease her. In fact mostly ignore her and do fun things without her. Don't reward her crap behavior with your attention. 

In other words, don't say but show her that her crap behavior can't control or destroy you. Act happy and normal. Go on with your life. And if it matters to you as a Christian, let her get and pay for a divorce you don't want. Don't fight it, just go along with it while being indifferent to it. Because you can't stop it if that's what she wants.

But you can control you. So might as well live well and be happy.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Pictureless said:


> You know what you have to do. Be the strong, independent man that you are and were before you met her, which is probably what attracted her to you in the first place.
> 
> She knows what's up. Now it's all on her. Act like you don't give a bleep what she does; don't be angry or unfriendly, but don't go out of your way to appease her. In fact mostly ignore her and do fun things without her. Don't reward her crap behavior with your attention.
> 
> ...


Rent Good Will Hunting and watch the counseling sessions between Williams and Damon.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> You know what you have to do. Be the strong, independent man that you are and were before you met her, which is probably what attracted her to you in the first place.
> 
> She knows what's up. Now it's all on her. Act like you don't give a bleep what she does; don't be angry or unfriendly, but don't go out of your way to appease her. In fact mostly ignore her and do fun things without her. Don't reward her crap behavior with your attention.
> 
> ...


For the most that's what I've been doing. She called me twice yesterday to see how I was doing while I was at work. I feel a lot mixed signals but when I at work all I do is focus on my pt so I didn't give it much thought. This morning she asked me if I wanted to sleep in the bed and I said no. The bed very uncomfortable to me and I was going to but a new one but this crap started. Buy really I want her to say, I want you to come to bed" that's what I want to hear. I picked a lot overtime for the next 2 weeks that way I can keep myself busy and continue to build my savings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> For the most that's what I've been doing. She called me twice yesterday to see how I was doing while I was at work. I feel a lot mixed signals but when I at work all I do is focus on my pt so I didn't give it much thought. This morning she asked me if I wanted to sleep in the bed and I said no. The bed very uncomfortable to me and I was going to but a new one but this crap started. Buy really I want her to say, I want you to come to bed" that's what I want to hear. I picked a lot overtime for the next 2 weeks that way I can keep myself busy and continue to build my savings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well today I'm at work and I'm just angry/ sad. I just can't seem to focus today, my mind is all over the place and praying for a better outcome. I'm trying to find joy with in myself but can't seem to find it today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Well today I'm at work and I'm just angry/ sad. I just can't seem to focus today, my mind is all over the place and praying for a better outcome. I'm trying to find joy with in myself but can't seem to find it today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How would you characterize your level of elevation?

10k?

35k?

50k?

In the weeds?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> How would you characterize your level of elevation?
> 
> 10k?
> 
> ...


Can you explain the dynamics behind your question? If had say probably 10k because I'm not fully there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Can you explain the dynamics behind your question? If had say probably 10k because I'm not fully there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In his book Awareness, DeMello speaks of observing your current emotions - not submitting to them.

"I feel the tug of sadness"... observe the sadness and it's source, and it quickly passes. That's a description of being @50k

"I'm devastated and can hardly function..." breathing heavy, panic, etc. That's in the weeds of codependence.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> In his book Awareness, DeMello speaks of observing your current emotions - not submitting to them.
> 
> "I feel the tug of sadness"... observe the sadness and it's source, and it quickly passes. That's a description of being @50k
> 
> "I'm devastated and can hardly function..." breathing heavy, panic, etc. That's in the weeds of codependence.


Ok now I know what you mean, when you say on 50k.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Ok now I know what you mean, when you say on 50k.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have a gut feeling there's someone else in the picture. I believe it's an EA, something in my gut tells me this might be the case. I thinks it was going on the first time, but I didn't mention it because I was in such a fragile mental state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I have a gut feeling there's someone else in the picture. I believe it's an EA, something in my gut tells me this might be the case. I thinks it was going on the first time, but I didn't mention it because I was in such a fragile mental state.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The others here will give you good advice on how to squash it. If it's a PA you need to expose it and decide if you want her back.

I wish I exposed but I didn't. To this day I have no proof but my gut tells me. Anyway it's too late for me, but not you.

Squash EA, expose PA. VAR her car, check phone records, emails, etc. If you need to know then investigate because she will never tell you the truth.

Lastly, if you suspect EA/PA you should start divorce on her. It might also snap her out of fog. Good luck.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Pictureless said:


> The others here will give you good advice on how to squash it. If it's a PA you need to expose it and decide if you want her back.
> 
> I wish I exposed but I didn't. To this day I have no proof but my gut tells me. Anyway it's too late for me, but not you.
> 
> ...


He needs to crush it no matter what.... EA or PA.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Ok now I know what you mean, when you say on 50k.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you read Awareness?

http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Have you read Awareness?
> 
> http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf


No I haven't but I will now. I don't have access to that stuff anymore, she doesn't let in her car anymore. None of that stuff is in my name. How do I get access?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> No I haven't but I will now. I don't have access to that stuff anymore, she doesn't let in her car anymore. None of that stuff is in my name. How do I get access?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't have a key to her car?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> You don't have a key to her car?


Not anymore
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Not anymore
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get one.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Get one.


I use to she took it back, I don't know where she hide the spear. I use to move everyday before I went to work but now she does it herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I use to she took it back, I don't know where she hide the spear. I use to move everyday before I went to work but now she does it herself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We'll she told me she doesn't love me, and that's it. She said she going to dinner with her ex's daughter and I know her ex will be there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> We'll she told me she doesn't love me, and that's it. She said she going to dinner with her ex's daughter and I know her ex will be there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's the fog. The longer she's in it the less likely she's coming back. At least expose EA/PA so everyone knows the truth about her.

And make her pay for the divorce.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> It's the fog. The longer she's in it the less likely she's coming back. At least expose EA/PA so everyone knows the truth about her.
> 
> And make her pay for the divorce.


I'm extremely piss.. off. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I'm extremely piss.. off. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I'm going to lose it today. I just scheduled an emergency session with IC
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Hey RSF,

I know what you're going through. It sucks but hopefully in time you'll realize a few things. 

You can't make other people love you. They either do or don't. 

A lot of younger women today believe the feminist crap they've been bombarded with from school, college, and the mass media. They do not even understand themselves. They believe the lies that marriage creates happiness and divorce solves their problems. 

A genuine Christian woman who believes doesn't walk away from her marriage for the reasons you've stated. 

If you've allowed yourself to get to the point that you "can't live without your spouse" then your relationship is unequal. Your needs, want, and desires are just as important as your spouse's. 

If you're in a relationship and your partner never truly puts you first sometimes then that's all you need to know about where you stand with them.

When women "suddenly" leave a LTR it's actually not very sudden for her, she's most likely been plotting an exit strategy for some time and has been waiting for the right time to implement Plan A.

Women don't normally leave the safety, comfort, and security of LTR's to become single unless there has been abuse or infidelity.

It's not you, it's her.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I'm extremely piss.. off. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was going to tell you to channel that anger in a positive direction, but I see you already have.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I was going to tell you to channel that anger in a positive direction, but I see you already have.


I'm feed up, after my session today I'm going back and move my stuff out I can not deal with this sh!! anymore. You were right all along. I've been trying to do everything in my power R. my heart literally can't take anymore. Guess you do have to give defiant people what they want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I'm feed up, after my session today I'm going back and move my stuff out I can not deal with this sh!! anymore. You were right all along. I've been trying to do everything in my power R. my heart literally can't take anymore. Guess you do have to give defiant people what they want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And let them manage their lives.

If you give them enough space, they sometimes miss you.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> And let them manage their lives.
> 
> If you give them enough space, they sometimes miss you.


I really doubt that. How dare her do that to me, such disrespect. I all ever wanted to was to to have a healthy M. I asked about the fact giving us another chance and us both making a solid effort to R. Her reply is she doesn't know if she can do that. She doesn't recognize that everything isn't all my fault. She has so much hate towards me that I don't even know who she is right now. But it's ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I really doubt that. How dare her do that to me, such disrespect. I all ever wanted to was to to have a healthy M. I asked about the fact giving us another chance and us both making a solid effort to R. Her reply is she doesn't know if she can do that. She doesn't recognize that everything isn't all my fault. She has so much hate towards me that I don't even know who she is right now. But it's ok.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like your focus is still on her.


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Sounds like your focus is still on her.


R,

Listen to Conrad. It's about you now.

Her message is in her actions. Don't bother talking about the relationship anymore.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> R,
> 
> Listen to Conrad. It's about you now.
> 
> Her message is in her actions. Don't bother talking about the relationship anymore.


Today is the day when reality it me. I've been in denial for the last month, and I'm going to speak from the heart. At this current moment I am weak because my marriage failed. I guess we are all on here because we thought we had something that was sacred, but to find out that's not the case. Does anyone on here truly believe that there marriage is not salvageable, or is it the fact that your partner is not willing to do work necessary to save it. I had a heart felt moment today my children saw me crying today didn't mean for it to happen but it did. They said dad why are you crying and I said, daddy's hurt today. Did we do something? I said of course not. They said dad don't cry, we know why your crying and it's ok, we will always love you dad and we're proud to have you as our dad. I said I love you guys. I felt so special and alive again, all this time I've been focused on this women and lost track of what's really important. They saved my life today because I was weak and I had thought about going back to that place I was a few months ago. Today I decided to become a better man and focus on living a productive life. I know that I haven't been the best husband and there areas in my life that need improvement. Guess what? I'm ready to do the work for me. Through the grace of god and the support from the wonderful people on here I know I can do it. So here to a new journey in my life, and it's called "Being the best I can be, for me". I want to thank send a special thanks to Conrad for being super supportive, and I want to thank Pictureless for also being in my corner. You guys are truly the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today is the day when reality it me. I've been in denial for the last month, and I'm going to speak from the heart. At this current moment I am weak because my marriage failed. I guess we are all on here because we thought we had something that was sacred, but to find out that's not the case. Does anyone on here truly believe that there marriage is not salvageable, or is it the fact that your partner is not willing to do work necessary to save it. I had a heart felt moment today my children saw me crying today didn't mean for it to happen but it did. They said dad why are you crying and I said, daddy's hurt today. Did we do something? I said of course not. They said dad don't cry, we know why your crying and it's ok, we will always love you dad and we're proud to have you as our dad. I said I love you guys. I felt so special and alive again, all this time I've been focused on this women and lost track of what's really important. They saved my life today because I was weak and I had thought about going back to that place I was a few months ago. Today I decided to become a better man and focus on living a productive life. I know that I haven't been the best husband and there areas in my life that need improvement. Guess what? I'm ready to do the work for me. Through the grace of god and the support from the wonderful people on here I know I can do it. So here to a new journey in my life, and it's called "Being the best I can be, for me". I want to thank send a special thanks to Conrad for being super supportive, and I want to thank Pictureless for also being in my corner. You guys are truly the best.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Today is her birthday I didn't say anything nor did I get her a gift. Am I wrong? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

knowfiguy said:


> Hey RSF,
> 
> I've been finding the last few days, that the more I focus on the simple fact that SHE wanted something else, rather then all the details why, who, where, and when's. It seems to not get to me as much.


Very helpful.



RSFWID said:


> Today is her birthday I didn't say anything nor did I get her a gift. Am I wrong?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I will chime in and say that you did fine not doing anything for her BD.

Objectively it only makes sense. 

Take care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today is her birthday I didn't say anything nor did I get her a gift. Am I wrong?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No gift, and you are not wrong.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> No gift, and you are not wrong.


Today I found out that I have mass in my neck so I have go for a biopsy. I'm really concerned about it , so I told her and her reply was don't worry you'll be fine. My first thought of mind was to keep it to myself but just in case something happens I wanted someone to know. I guess I was looking for a little empathy but that was asking to much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today I found out that I have mass in my neck so I have go for a biopsy. I'm really concerned about it , so I told her and her reply was don't worry you'll be fine. My first thought of mind was to keep it to myself but just in case something happens I wanted someone to know. I guess I was looking for a little empathy but that was asking to much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, the similarities between us is getting weird.

I had a biopsy recently and between that and the divorce I was feeling pretty low. Thankfully it came back negative.

I've turned into a food and exercise fanatic now. I'm down to 210 lbs and I cut down my smoking to about five cigarettes per day. I'm spending a small fortune eating fresh fruit and vegetables but it's so worth it. I allow myself one pig out junk food day per week.

Last night I got stood up again by some dating site wench. So I went out alone and got a greasy cheeseburger and fries. So good. Then I started browsing dating site again. Started chatting with a lass. We were going back and forth pretty good. Then she asked what I was doing and I said I was thinking about going to a movie. Then she disappeared. She responded today at around 5:15 pm est.

She asked what movie I saw? I wrote back: I saw a film called "The Dreamer." It's about this chubby chick with kids who thinks she's all that, but she doesn't find her "soulmate" because she plays games and thinks she's entitled to something better than a movie on a Friday night. 

Then I blocked her so I didn't have to read her b!tchy reply. Next!

Why am I telling you all this? Because you may not believe it now, but you'll soon see that around your wife's birthday, she gave you the greatest gift ever: your freedom.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Wow, the similarities between us is getting weird.
> 
> I had a biopsy recently and between that and the divorce I was feeling pretty low. Thankfully it came back negative.
> 
> ...


She let me know without doubt she doesn't love me anymore. Unbelievable that she sat and ate her food like is was nothing. Lord give the strength to through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

RSFWID said:


> Today I found out that I have mass in my neck so I have go for a biopsy. I'm really concerned about it , so I told her and her reply was don't worry you'll be fine. My first thought of mind was to keep it to myself but just in case something happens I wanted someone to know. I guess I was looking for a little empathy but that was asking to much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't mention it to her again. If she brings it up again, just very frankly say your fine, as if you are talking about a hang nail or paper cut. She is no longer your friend, buddy or pal. She is the mother of your children and should be shown a certain respect for their sake. Other than that, you should only talk to her about legal, financial or child care issues.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

VFW said:


> Don't mention it to her again. If she brings it up again, just very frankly say your fine, as if you are talking about a hang nail or paper cut. She is no longer your friend, buddy or pal. She is the mother of your children and should be shown a certain respect for their sake. Other than that, you should only talk to her about legal, financial or child care issues.


She is someone I no longer know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Today is her birthday I didn't say anything nor did I get her a gift. Am I wrong?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you'd have gotten her something, we'd have had your legs broken

Good man.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> If you'd have gotten her something, we'd have had your legs broken
> 
> Good man.


I would deserve it, f!!! Zher.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> She let me know without doubt she doesn't love me anymore. Unbelievable that she sat and ate her food like is was nothing. Lord give the strength to through this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We'll it is nothing to her. It seems totally cold and heartless and it is but she doesn't love you. It sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this. 

I'll say it again: at least you're going through this at 37, not 47.

You have a good job, you make good money, and you have a bright future. 

Keep posting here because I care about you. 

You will make it through this, I promise. Be thankful for all of your blessings, even during this heartache. I do every day.

What we do today shows the world who we are. OK, she left me. It's not the end of the world. She doesn't have that kind of control over me and my life. They think they can do better, ok, good luck.

Right now I'm routing for you, but I know you will be better off in the long run. And keep positive about your biopsy. I'm sure it will be nothing!


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> We'll it is nothing to her. It seems totally cold and heartless and it is but she doesn't love you. It sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this.
> 
> I'll say it again: at least you're going through this at 37, not 47.
> 
> ...


Thanks a lot friend. I know there are better days to come, and I am grateful for everything I have. I know im blessed to have people like you who are very supportive and I know time heals all. God has a plan for me. I don't what it is at current moment but I do know he has never stirred me wrong. 

If she chooses to be cold that's something she has to live with not me. I went to the casino today and won $1500 bucks, so I treated myself to a samsung galaxy 3 tab. This thing awesome! I figured I could take pictures with the kids, watch movies and download books to read, trying to go green.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks a lot friend. I know there are better days to come, and I am grateful for everything I have. I know im blessed to have people like you who are very supportive and I know time heals all. God has a plan for me. I don't what it is at current moment but I do know he has never stirred me wrong.
> 
> If she chooses to be cold that's something she has to live with not me. I went to the casino today and won $1500 bucks, so I treated myself to a samsung galaxy 3 tab. This thing awesome! I figured I could take pictures with the kids, watch movies and download books to read, trying to go green.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or you could take one of the hotties you met there out to dinner.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Or you could take one of the hotties you met there out to dinner.


Hey, you know, that's not a bad idea! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Or you could take one of the hotties you met there out to dinner.


Would you really take a chick out to dinner if you were in my shoes, and why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Would you really take a chick out to dinner if you were in my shoes, and why?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would - and I have.

Want to know why it works?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I would - and I have.
> 
> Want to know why it works?


Absolutely
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Absolutely
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Going out with women is fun - and it boosts your self-esteem.

They love to talk and it's great to go armed with your toolkit of insight from here and simply listen, question, and engage in dialogue.

You can observe what ignites the person you're with and see if you would - possibly - be interested in her in the future. Or, at least someone like her.

If she wants to talk about your situation, two words will handle it. "It's complicated" Like a cat with a ball of string, she'll want to know more, but you can be very discrete and steer the conversation back to something of mutual interest.

As our friend Mr. Calcite recently learned, talking about the "ex" or issues you have with the current woman interests no one.

Just put a boundary on physical stuff up front - and stick to it.

Many an attractive woman will engage with you without the pressure of it leading anywhere.

I had a 9-12 month long relationship with this stunning nurse I work with. We went out and listened to bands. We talked about her kids and my kids. We even watch the John Adams miniseries on DVD and also PBS' The Civil War.

It was fantastic.

Of course, I'm "no contact" with her now.

But, she was a friend for a season.

Didn't hurt that she was 35-36 and I was 50.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RFS,

I had this recommended to me when I was at the juncture you now are facing:

The Layguide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful Than You Ever Dreamed Possible No Matter What You Look Like or How Much You Make: Tony Clink: 9780806526027: Amazon.com: Books

No, I didn't use the principles here to bed down all the women I met.

BUT... it's extraordinarily helpful to help you learn about emotional communication and which parts of your current personality you merely need to emphasize to be interesting to women.

Of course, this book had to go (also) when my wife found it.



But, I remember what it said.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> RFS,
> 
> I had this recommended to me when I was at the juncture you now are facing:
> 
> ...


Interesting. Do you work in the health care field
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Interesting. Do you work in the health care field
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pharmacist


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Pharmacist


So your the one who screws up my med cart! I really don't know your story, were you able R?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> So your the one who screws up my med cart! I really don't know your story, were you able R?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In process.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> In process.


How long did it take, did she not trust you, did you move out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> How long did it take, did she not trust you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was a childhood abuse victim.

She's never trusted anyone.

We're about 50-60% of the way there.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> How long did it take, did she not trust you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Going a bit further.

I have done literally - everything - I advise others to do.

I've made all the mistakes.

And, I've lived to tell about them, analyze them, find the reasons behind them, and put meat on the bone of how to correct them.

BUT... she has to want you for it to work.

That's the X factor.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Going a bit further.
> 
> I have done literally - everything - I advise others to do.
> 
> ...


I Finally get that part, I guess the reason, I was in denial and part of me still is, I couldn't get how someone who was suppose to love you turn so cold and not want to find a way to save her M. Instead if doing what ever it takes, they hit me with the we don't fit. It finally hit me yesterday after I told her about my biopsy, the reaction she gave me, that she was no longer in love with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I Finally get that part, I guess the reason, I was in denial and part of me still is, I couldn't get how someone who was suppose to love you turn so cold and not want to find a way to save her M. Instead if doing what ever it takes, they hit me with the we don't fit. It finally hit me yesterday after I told her about my biopsy, the reaction she gave me, that she was no longer in love with me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They hit you with so many mixed signals, but I guess when they no longer want to have sex with you it's a big problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> They hit you with so many mixed signals, but I guess when they no longer want to have sex with you it's a big problem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's usually the dividing line.

I believe I gave you Mach's straight talk about how to look, dress, etc. going forward.

That's designed to be attractive to women - including her.

Not the main focus of the effort, but it has worked from time to time.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> It's usually the dividing line.
> 
> I believe I gave you Mach's straight talk about how to look, dress, etc. going forward.
> 
> ...


Went to the doctor today for biopsy, so I'm praying everything is alright. Got home the W and the nephew were home you would think the she would have asked me if I'm ok, nothing. Why am I so angry behind that? She reading a book on how to get past you old relationship to have a better new one. Wt!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Went to the doctor today for biopsy, so I'm praying everything is alright. Got home the W and the nephew were home you would think the she would have asked me if I'm ok, nothing. Why am I so angry behind that? She reading a book on how to get past you old relationship to have a better new one. Wt!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't care what she thinks.

Should you?

I care what you think.

Do you?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I don't care what she thinks.
> 
> Should you?
> 
> ...


No I shouldn't. I think she is straight up wrong. I guess my nature is to care for all, that why I'm in my current profession. If she was in my shoes I would've said listen, I'm sorry your going through this and I know we're not on good terms but I still got your back because I don't want to see anything happen to you. That's just right thing to do. Also the nerve of her to be sitting in my bed the one I paid for, reading a book on how to get ready for the next relationship how dare her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> No I shouldn't. I think she is straight up wrong. I guess my nature is to care for all, that why I'm in my current profession. If she was in my shoes I would've said listen, I'm sorry your going through this and I know we're not on good terms but I still got your back because I don't want to see anything happen to you. That's just right thing to do. Also the nerve of her to be sitting in my bed the one I paid for, reading a book on how to get ready for the next relationship how dare her!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok....

Now we're getting somewhere.

She does not give a shix.

Go ahead and get angry.

DO SOMETHING!

And, that does not mean reach out to her.

I have a karaoke party here in 2 weeks.

You in?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Ok....
> 
> Now we're getting somewhere.
> 
> ...


Yeah,where?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yeah,where?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't even know where to begin. I found out that, the mass I have in neck is a tumor. I'm still waiting for the results of my biopsy. I don't know how or what to feel. I have to schedule surgery but if the results come back positive then it's a whole different ball game. With all the turmoil in my life at this current moment, surgery is the last thing I need. 

I'm hurt, afraid and lonely, don't know where to turn. This is by far the most difficult time in my life..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Yeah,where?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Midwest. Where are you?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Midwest. Where are you?


NE
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> NE
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


MO isn't that far...


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> MO isn't that far...


I need your advice. Read my last post on the previous page
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I need your advice. Read my last post on the previous page
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


North East NY
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I don't even know where to begin. I found out that, the mass I have in neck is a tumor. I'm still waiting for the results of my biopsy. I don't know how or what to feel. I have to schedule surgery but if the results come back positive then it's a whole different ball game. With all the turmoil in my life at this current moment, surgery is the last thing I need.
> 
> I'm hurt, afraid and lonely, don't know where to turn. This is by far the most difficult time in my life..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm with you my friend. You have to be brave and strong.

No matter what happens you must face it with dignity and grace. You have to make friends with fear and the unknown because we all face it, no matter if things are going good or bad in our lives.

I'm praying for you. I hope this turns out to be nothing. At this point try not to worry too much about it until you get your results back. No amount of worry ever changes things beyond our control, so you might as well be at peace and enjoy the moment. And be thankful for all your blessings now.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I'm with you my friend. You have to be brave and strong.
> 
> No matter what happens you must face it with dignity and grace. You have to make friends with fear and the unknown because we all face it, no matter if things are going good or bad in our lives.
> 
> I'm praying for you. I hope this turns out to be nothing. At this point try not to worry too much about it until you get your results back. No amount of worry ever changes things beyond our control, so you might as well be at peace and enjoy the moment. And be thankful for all your blessings now.


Thanks for that, I got into argument with W. She asked me how I feel today and I snapped. Didn't mean too but I was angry and I told her I felt, I was said it didn't matter what we going through I would have not been so cold towards her if she was in my shoes. I should've kept my mouth shut. Stupid!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks for that, I got into argument with W. She asked me how I feel and I snapped. Didn't mean too but I was angry and I told her I felt
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's ok. I know I said some things to Scrooge I regret, and there are many things I regret not saying to her. Too late. None of it matters now.

PLEASE, forget her now. Focus on you and your health.

I'll talk to you tomorrow! Get some rest.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> It's ok. I know I said some things to Scrooge I regret, and there are many things I regret not saying to her. Too late. None of it matters now.
> 
> PLEASE, forget her now. Focus on you and your health.
> 
> I'll talk to you tomorrow! Get some rest.


Ok talk to you tomorrow. Thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I don't even know where to begin. I found out that, the mass I have in neck is a tumor. I'm still waiting for the results of my biopsy. I don't know how or what to feel. I have to schedule surgery but if the results come back positive then it's a whole different ball game. With all the turmoil in my life at this current moment, surgery is the last thing I need.
> 
> I'm hurt, afraid and lonely, don't know where to turn. This is by far the most difficult time in my life..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you speaking about this in counseling?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Are you speaking about this in counseling?


Yes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yes
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He told me these feelings are normal. It's ok to be afraid. But it doesn't change how I feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> He told me these feelings are normal. It's ok to be afraid. But it doesn't change how I feel.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I pretty much sealed the deal on my M because I snapped with anger. I tried to hold it in but I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to express I felt and I know pushed her further away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I think I pretty much sealed the deal on my M because I snapped with anger. I tried to hold it in but I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to express I felt and I know pushed her further away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No single instance "seals" anything.

Implement what we're talking about and consistently change the dynamic between you.

Your focus is STILL on her and her behavior.

And, if you look close enough, you'll realize you're looking for the quick fix.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> No single instance "seals" anything.
> 
> Implement what we're talking about and consistently change the dynamic between you.
> 
> ...


Never thought about it that way, quick fix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Never thought about it that way, quick fix.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's no magic button.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/74433-one-transaction-time.html


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> There's no magic button.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/74433-one-transaction-time.html


My labs are being retested so tomorrow I'll find out the official results. Really nerve recking, but at this point I'll take what I can get. Tomorrow I'm off I'm definitely going out, strip club here I come! It been 3 months ready to explode. Of I can't have, at least I can see it. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> My labs are being retested so tomorrow I'll find out the official results. Really nerve recking, but at this point I'll take what I can get. Tomorrow I'm off I'm definitely going out, strip club here I come! It been 3 months ready to explode. Of I can't have, at least I can see it. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Speaking of transactions, I'm certain you can do as you wish


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Speaking of transactions, I'm certain you can do as you wish


Absolutely, why not? I thought about our conversation on 50k and transaction. Yesterday when I said I was angry and flipped on the W. She said something to me, that stuck in my head all night. Now I'm not putting the focus on her, this time it's on me.

I asked why she was so cold while I'm going through this difficult time. Her response was because I'm still considering divorcing you, we just don't fit that's why. I had to process what she just said. In other words, I'm her bit?? and she can treat me pretty much how ever she wants. Bullsh!! You can can, I'm nobody's punk, I could be dying and because you're angry it's ok to treat me like shi! and I'm suppose to accept that, no me. I thought she knew me better than that, I guess not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Absolutely, why not? I thought about our conversation on 50k and transaction. Yesterday when I said I was angry and flipped on the W. She said something to me, that stuck in my head all night. Now I'm not putting the focus on her, this time it's on me.
> 
> I asked why she was so cold while I'm going through this difficult time. Her response was because I'm still considering divorcing you, we just don't fit that's why. I had to process what she just said. In other words, I'm her bit?? and she can treat me pretty much how ever she wants. Bullsh!! You can can, I'm nobody's punk, I could be dying and because you're angry it's ok to treat me like shi! and I'm suppose to accept that, no me. I thought she knew me better than that, I guess not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now we're talking.

You actually do love yourself way too much to accept this garbage.

I'm glad you are seeing it.

Turn this righteous anger into positive action.

It's the first step on the road towards health.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Now we're talking.
> 
> You actually do love yourself way too much to accept this garbage.
> 
> ...


I To say you don't treat people like that no matter the situation, I promised myself I won't tolerate that crap anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I To say you don't treat people like that no matter the situation, I promised myself I won't tolerate that crap anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keep that promise.

Stand tall.

Be the man you were born to be.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Keep that promise.
> 
> Stand tall.
> 
> Be the man you were born to be.


Today is sad day for me. I found out that my biopsy came back positive, devastating. I don't where to go from here, but I do know I'm going to fight for my life to the end. Now I know what mean when they say, " life is to short". So today starts a new journey in my life that is focused on me, my stress has taken a toll on my health. So what what I'm trying to say is, everyone is on here because they're hurt in some form or fashion. They want to save their M, question is at what cost. I want to see everyone on here happy and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, but remember You Come First. It doesn't matter what you did or why, all that matters is YOU deserve to be happy. 

Today I'm making a pledge to live life to the fullest, enjoy the little thing in life that bring me comfort, love my children and above all love thyself. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BaxJanson (Apr 4, 2013)

I like the sound of that. Personally, I would make a point of not spending another second worrying about your marriage. Your job right now is to be healthy, get in shape, take care of yourself, and be a great Dad to those kids of yours. She's shown that she's going to be a drag on your spirits and a distraction to your focus - so excise that tumor. I wouldn't worry about divorce, or reconcilliation, or any of it. You've got what it'll take to get through this.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

BaxJanson said:


> I like the sound of that. Personally, I would make a point of not spending another second worrying about your marriage. Your job right now is to be healthy, get in shape, take care of yourself, and be a great Dad to those kids of yours. She's shown that she's going to be a drag on your spirits and a distraction to your focus - so excise that tumor. I wouldn't worry about divorce, or reconcilliation, or any of it. You've got what it'll take to get through this.


Thanks Bax,

That's the plan, non of that nonsense matters at this point. I just want to live, That's all I care about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID,

I'm sorry to hear the news. I've said a prayer for you.

A positive result is not a death sentence. Don't give up. Fight this physically, medically, and spiritually. Right now.

It's all about you now. Put your health and welfare first.

Get a second opinion. Get educated. Get tough.

Reach out to family and friends and let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

I'm with you. I'll do my best to support you.

P.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> RSFWID,
> 
> I'm sorry to hear the news. I've said a prayer for you.
> 
> ...


Thanks man. 

I'm staying focused right now, I have to see an hematologist early next week. Then I'll take it from there. I quit smoking today, so that's the first step. What ever it is I want it out now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Thanks man.
> 
> I'm staying focused right now, I have to see an hematologist early next week. Then I'll take it from there. I quit smoking today, so that's the first step. What ever it is I want it out now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Quitting smoking has been the hardest, most challenging thing in my life. I struggle with it every day. I can't say I've completely quit, but I've cut down significantly. 

I feel worse about smoking than I do about being abandoned/rejected/replaced.

But I vow I'll never quit trying to quit. I have eight cigarettes left in my pack now, and a prescription for chantrix (probably spelled wrong). Let's quit together.

Whatever it is that you have might be treatable, curable, and have a high recovery rate with a favorable prognosis. Be positive my friend, nothing is ever over until it's over. 

We all face tough, grim news sometimes. The key is how we react and deal with what happens to us. When I was in the army in Iraq I chose honor, dignity, and grace over anxiety and fear. I try to do that now, but sometimes I forget. That's ok. I just start over again.

There's better things to do with our precious time than to worry about things we cannot control. Like tomorrow's, the how's, the why's of life. When I get like that, I try to remind myself to just get through today.

I don't know if I'll be alive by July, so I'm going to enjoy part of this nice morning NOW. I'm not going to be reckless because I have no guarantees, but I am going to enjoy myself now.

Please stay in touch.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Quitting smoking has been the hardest, most challenging thing in my life. I struggle with it every day. I can't say I've completely quit, but I've cut down significantly.
> 
> I feel worse about smoking than I do about being abandoned/rejected/replaced.
> 
> ...


What's up P,

I'm hanging in there. I didn't really sleep last night, I have so many thoughts running through my head. Im pretty much afraid, so many things happening at the same time it's unbearable. I haven't told my children yet I don't want them freaking out. 

When I gather the strength and I have a game plan on how to approach the situation,Then I'll let them know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> What's up P,
> 
> I'm hanging in there. I didn't really sleep last night, I have so many thoughts running through my head. Im pretty much afraid, so many things happening at the same time it's unbearable. I haven't told my children yet I don't want them freaking out.
> 
> ...


Had a session today with W at MC. My therapist thought it might be a good Idea to have us come in. It went horrible she has no remorse for my situation he thought me having cancer might possibly bring us together but it didn't. She wants out of this M and doesn't care about what's going on. In eyes I failed her and there's no turning back. This is a difficult time in my life wanted the support of my W. She told him she would go to my appointments with me and that's it. She does not want to save this M. Why is she being so cold towards me? I know I screwed up. But even after my diagnosis you can't find it in your heart to forgive me and try and fix it. I need support right now. I'm afraid lonely emotionally a wreck. How can she expect me not to want her support in a time like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Had a session today with W at MC. My therapist thought it might be a good Idea to have us come in. It went horrible she has no remorse for my situation he thought me having cancer might possibly bring us together but it didn't. She wants out of this M and doesn't care about what's going on. In eyes I failed her and there's no turning back. This is a difficult time in my life wanted the support of my W. She told him she would go to my appointments with me and that's it. She does not want to save this M. Why is she being so cold towards me? I know I screwed up. But even after my diagnosis you can't find it in your heart to forgive me and try and fix it. I need support right now. I'm afraid lonely emotionally a wreck. How can she expect me not to want her support in a time like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My friend, considering her recent behavior and your new medical concerns, why in the world did you go to MC with your W who clearly doesn't want to save M?

Every time you talk to her about your relationship you are giving her another opportunity to hurt and reject you.

Stop it.

Your M is the least of your concerns now.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> My friend, considering her recent behavior and your new medical concerns, why in the world did you go to MC with your W who clearly doesn't want to save M?
> 
> Every time you talk to her about your relationship you are giving her another opportunity to hurt and reject you.
> 
> ...


Your right I didn't want to he thought was a good idea
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Your right I didn't want to he thought was a good idea
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


After I found out the news and I started crying she came To console me, she said I will be there with you and we'll beat it. After that I called my and I was still crying and she answered the phone candy explained to him what happened. I thought she was going to stick by me out of love not pitty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> After I found out the news and I started crying she came To console me, she said I will be there with you and we'll beat it. After that I called my and I was still crying and she answered the phone candy explained to him what happened. I thought she was going to stick by me out of love not pitty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So what do I do now? I left and got a hotel room, took most of my stuff that I needed. I know I can't go back there because all it does is cause me pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So what do I do now? I left and got a hotel room, took most of my stuff that I needed. I know I can't go back there because all it does is cause me pain.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I got caught up in my emotions, and I let it get the best of me. Because of that I forgot what was important. Me. When people truly love you do they put there feelings to the side and support you when your in a time of need or do they hang on to there resentment for you and throw you to the curb. What do you do when you really love someone and are truly sorry for the hurt you cause them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I got caught up in my emotions, and I let it get the best of me. Because of that I forgot what was important. Me. When people truly love you do they put there feelings to the side and support you when your in a time of need or do they hang on to there resentment for you and throw you to the curb. What do you do when you really love someone and are truly sorry for the hurt you cause them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


R,

She doesn't love you. It's over. Let go. Focus on you're health now.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> R,
> 
> She doesn't love you. It's over. Let go. Focus on you're health now.


I know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But there's a part of me that always prays for the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> But there's a part of me that always prays for the best.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make your pain egocentric.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Make your pain egocentric.


We'll I haven't been home since yesterday, I paid for the hotel room thru Thursday. Got a call from the Reverend last night asked me to come to church this am, so I went. It was a good service, it funny today's subject was, Honor thy husband. W called me last night to ask me if I was ok, I'm thinking to myself are you kidding me. I've been praying and giving thanks for the things I do have, and asking God to continue to grant me his many blessings. I'm very much afraid to go through this surgery. I don't want to go through it alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> We'll I haven't been home since yesterday, I paid for the hotel room thru Thursday. Got a call from the Reverend last night asked me to come to church this am, so I went. It was a good service, it funny today's subject was, Honor thy husband. W called me last night to ask me if I was ok, I'm thinking to myself are you kidding me. I've been praying and giving thanks for the things I do have, and asking God to continue to grant me his many blessings. I'm very much afraid to go through this surgery. I don't want to go through it alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Forget all that. Listen. 

She wounded and wronged you. She did it, she meant to do it, she initiated the action. You can't change that. Accept it. It's over. Start moving on.

When you start to heal yourself, then you can start to forgive her. When you forgive her, you are free from her bondage. 

If you don't forgive her, she controls your past and your future.

Forgiving doesn't make things equal. Forgiving doesn't rug sweep. You forgive not for her but for YOU.

Forgiving doesn't mean reunion. Reunion requires a price; remorse and repentance. She owes you. If she can't pay that price move on.

BUT before all this you should be working on your medical issues FIRST!


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Forget all that. Listen.
> 
> She wounded and wronged you. She did it, she meant to do it, she initiated the action. You can't change that. Accept it. It's over. Start moving on.
> 
> ...


I have doctors appointment on Tuesday, are you saying I should deny her the privilege of going with me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I have doctors appointment on Tuesday, are you saying I should deny her the privilege of going with me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you want to be around someone who doesn't love you?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Why do you want to be around someone who doesn't love you?


I absolutely do not. My position is this, I'm not going to ask her or beg anyone to love me. Now if she wanted to come because she cares than that's fine. But if you're coming out of pitty than no, I don't want you there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I absolutely do not. My position is this, I'm not going to ask her or beg anyone to love me. Now if she wanted to come because she cares than that's fine. But if you're coming out of pitty than no, I don't want you there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know how she feels. The sooner you part ways with her the better for you.

Please, forget the relationship stuff. Focus on you and your health.


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> You know how she feels. The sooner you part ways with her the better for you.
> 
> Please, forget the relationship stuff. Focus on you and your health.


You're right P.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I absolutely do not. My position is this, I'm not going to ask her or beg anyone to love me. Now if she wanted to come because she cares than that's fine. But if you're coming out of pitty than no, I don't want you there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Summon the sufficient backbone to forbid her from coming.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Summon the sufficient backbone to forbid her from coming.


Today is my appointment and I have to say, I'm very nervous. This has been a very difficult time the last few weeks, trying to keep it together. I really don't know what to expect or how to feel. Part of me wants to run for the hills and escape all the negativity.

The other part of me knows it's not practical at this current moment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Today is my appointment and I have to say, I'm very nervous. This has been a very difficult time the last few weeks, trying to keep it together. I really don't know what to expect or how to feel. Part of me wants to run for the hills and escape all the negativity.
> 
> The other part of me knows it's not practical at this current moment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FWIW, everyone here is waiting to hear from you today.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> FWIW, everyone here is waiting to hear from you today.


It's good to know someone cares, and I'm grateful for that.
Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> It's good to know someone cares, and I'm grateful for that.
> Thank you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just got back from my appointment, and it was surreal. Upon walking in, I look up and it says Cancer Center- man my heart dropped. I was so scared in my mind I was thinking am I going to make it. Then I thought you have you beat this. My doctor said we won't know with 100% certainty until we remove a portion of it and retest it. When that is done we'll know exactly what kind of tumor it is and what road we have to take. I have surgery in two weeks. Wow!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Just got back from my appointment, and it was surreal. Upon walking in, I look up and it says Cancer Center- man my heart dropped. I was so scared in my mind I was thinking am I going to make it. Then I thought you have you beat this. My doctor said we won't know with 100% certainty until we remove a portion of it and retest it. When that is done we'll know exactly what kind of tumor it is and what road we have to take. I have surgery in two weeks. Wow!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


R,

Knowledge is power!

True story: about a month ago I was getting dressed in the gym. I noticed a dark spot on my leg. I went to a walk in clinic and the doctor there didn't think it was anything. I thought well it has to be something.

So I went for a second opinion and it was diagnosed as skin cancer. I thought well that sucks.

Then I thought about it. Two providers, two diagnoses, I'm going for a third opinion. So I went to a third doctor who did a biopsy. It came back negative.

The 2nd one assured me it was cancer, he said he sees it all the time. Boy was he wrong!

Hang in there R. Keep positive and upbeat and stay focused on you! Keep fighting and fighting!


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> R,
> 
> Knowledge is power!
> 
> ...


Now that's something. Thanks for encouragement, I'm putting my best foot forward. I just to live happy and peaceful life. I don't think that's to much to ask for!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Now that's something. Thanks for encouragement, I'm putting my best foot forward. I just to live happy and peaceful life. I don't think that's to much to ask for!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Today was a fairly good day. I went the gym, read NMMNG and went to shoot some pool. I was focused on me. Also, I went to IC. Now I have question that pertains to my happiness. If your W tells she wants a D, your are suppose to take it for what it's worth. No begging, pleading or discussion about the M unless it's about R. You're not suppose to reward them for there actions. My question is this: if your aw wants a D, why is she still buying you clothes giving you money, calling to see where you are and getting upset when you're not doing what there use to you doing.

Is that guilt because they have a plan A?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today was a fairly good day. I went the gym, read NMMNG and went to shoot some pool. I was focused on me. Also, I went to IC. Now I have question that pertains to my happiness. If your W tells she wants a D, your are suppose to take it for what it's worth. No begging, pleading or discussion about the M unless it's about R. You're not suppose to reward them for there actions. My question is this: if your aw wants a D, why is she still buying you clothes giving you money, calling to see where you are and getting upset when you're not doing what there use to you doing.
> 
> Is that guilt because they have a plan A?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it guilt? I don't know. ..maybe. Does it matter?

Mine dumped me 5 days before Christmas. The very next day she texted me saying she wanted to meet up to give me my Christmas gifts. So we met, I took her gifts, I didn't give her anything, and when she tried to hook me in to cry/beg/plead for her and the relationship I didn't do it. 

She started crying and said sorry. I said this is what you want and walked away.

The demonization of me started in January when we negotiated the divorce terms. It was like all of a sudden I was a mass murderer with no redeeming qualities. She made all kinds of baseless accusations and crazy rationalizations. 

Was it guilt? Probably, but I'll never really know. I think they have to do it in their minds to minimize and blame you for their behaviors. You are a good person who deserves to be loved just as you are. You are not the things she says you are. 

It's going to take you a long time to let go of the BS that she hurled upon you. Don't believe it. Don't own it. Don't beat yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand that I haven't lost anything. You will get here too I promise.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Today was a fairly good day. I went the gym, read NMMNG and went to shoot some pool. I was focused on me. Also, I went to IC. Now I have question that pertains to my happiness. If your W tells she wants a D, your are suppose to take it for what it's worth. No begging, pleading or discussion about the M unless it's about R. You're not suppose to reward them for there actions. My question is this: if your aw wants a D, why is she still buying you clothes giving you money, calling to see where you are and getting upset when you're not doing what there use to you doing.
> 
> Is that guilt because they have a plan A?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


1) Wear the clothes you like
2) Take the money
3) Ignore the calls


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> 1) Wear the clothes you like
> 2) Take the money
> 3) Ignore the calls


I figured that much. Im trying to understand the behavior, and why would someone do that if there completely through with you. Have you gone through this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I figured that much. Im trying to understand the behavior, and why would someone do that if there completely through with you. Have you gone through this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


More times than I can count


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today was a fairly good day. I went the gym, read NMMNG and went to shoot some pool. I was focused on me. Also, I went to IC. Now I have question that pertains to my happiness. If your W tells she wants a D, your are suppose to take it for what it's worth. No begging, pleading or discussion about the M unless it's about R. You're not suppose to reward them for there actions. My question is this: if your aw wants a D, why is she still buying you clothes giving you money, calling to see where you are and getting upset when you're not doing what there use to you doing.
> 
> Is that guilt because they have a plan A?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My STBXW did the same thing.. When she moved out of MY house she came back with food, clothes and a coffiee pot ? asked her why and she said you need them ... still to this day not sure why she said or even did that... and i broke off all contact with her after...


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Sammy64 said:


> My STBXW did the same thing.. When she moved out of MY house she came back with food, clothes and a coffiee pot ? asked her why and she said you need them ... still to this day not sure why she said or even did that... and i broke off all contact with her after...


Does she still reach out to you? Are you guys any closer so settling your differences?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Does she still reach out to you? Are you guys any closer so settling your differences?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I woke up feeling real bitter tonight, I wonder what's that all about. Maybe because I had a conversation earlier with my W about my surgery. I told her I didn't want her there, I wanted people around me who had positive energy. I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble, and there's no escaping it, I haven't got laid in 4 months there's a lot of tension built up. Aww
What is a brother to do!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I woke up feeling real bitter tonight, I wonder what's that all about. Maybe because I had a conversation earlier with my W about my surgery. I told her I didn't want her there, I wanted people around me who had positive energy. I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble, and there's no escaping it, I haven't got laid in 4 months there's a lot of tension built up. Aww
> What is a brother to do!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, this am I go get some breakfast, as I'm coming back I see W walking to the train. She ask me I had money and say she not feeling good, so small talk then before she leaves she give me a kiss on the cheek. WT? Trying to comprehend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> So, this am I go get some breakfast, as I'm coming back I see W walking to the train. She ask me I had money and say she not feeling good, so small talk then before she leaves she give me a kiss on the cheek. WT? Trying to comprehend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Rewind to last night. I went out to play pool. I get a call so I answer 
W- where are you? 
M- I'm playing pool
W you never did that before
M we'll if you expect me to sit in the house and be miserable not going to happen.
W- who are you with?
M - myself
W- so you're playing pool by yourself.
M no response.
W- ok,then she gets quit.
End of call. Why is she worried about what I'm doing. Remember she want a D and she's not changing her mind. That what she told me and my therapist. I could've have went to third base last night if I wanted too but I chose not to out of respect for M
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> So, this am I go get some breakfast, as I'm coming back I see W walking to the train. She ask me I had money and say she not feeling good, so small talk then before she leaves she give me a kiss on the cheek. WT? Trying to comprehend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just stop.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Just stop.


I'm going to kill all the chit chat. That's what I should've said this AM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I'm going to kill all the chit chat. That's what I should've said this AM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I'm not ok with this conversation"


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> "I'm not ok with this conversation"


That's the right tone. What about her reaction to last night?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

She sees you moving on without her. Going it alone and doing things you haven't done before. 

What do you think her reaction was about?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Tron said:


> She sees you moving on without her. Going it alone and doing things you haven't done before.
> 
> What do you think her reaction was about?


Basically, keep going straight ahead.

Live your life with zest and show your masculine mettle and leadership.

If she wants to get on board, you won't have the guess about it.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Tron said:


> She sees you moving on without her. Going it alone and doing things you haven't done before.
> 
> What do you think her reaction was about?


I think she was upset she couldn't controlled the situation. Upset I stepped outside the box.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I think she was upset she couldn't controlled the situation. Upset I stepped outside the box.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stay there.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Stay there.


:iagree:


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Tron said:


> :iagree:


Today was a interesting, here's the low down. Was at work and a patients daughter, hit on me. She said you're cute are you married? I said it's complicated, then she said it's not that complicated, you're not wearing your wedding band. So I looked at her and smiled. As I was leaving the room I over heard her mother say he's a fine strong young man you better go get him. Made me blush lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You're in the medical profession, yourself?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> You're in the medical profession, yourself?


Yes, I'm a nurse
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yes, I'm a nurse
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Last night I decided to sleep in my bed because I'm tired of sleeping on the couch. This Am I wake up and my W is pretty much naked and starts getting dress in front of me. I had the urge to get up and grab her in the bed and you know the rest. Last month she wouldn't let me see any part of her body. It funny though because she still locks the bathroom door when she take a shower. That's something she never did in 7 years. I wish I didn't see that because my urge went from 7 to definitely a 10. smh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Last night I decided to sleep in my bed because I'm tired of sleeping on the couch. This Am I wake up and my W is pretty much naked and starts getting dress in front of me. I had the urge to get up and grab her in the bed and you know the rest. Last month she wouldn't let me see any part of her body. It funny though because she still locks the bathroom door when she take a shower. That's something she never did in 7 years. I wish I didn't see that because my urge went from 7 to definitely a 10. smh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I forget, do you guys own a house or rent?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I forget, do you guys own a house or rent?


Hey P,
We rent
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Hey P,
> We rent
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you happy with your current living arrangements?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Are you happy with your current living arrangements?


Not at this time. I mean who would be, considering the circumstances.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Not at this time. I mean who would be, considering the circumstances.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand. I would be unhappy too.

I apologize if you stated before; is she leaving? When? Is it unresolved? Is it a joint lease?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I understand. I would be unhappy too.
> 
> I apologize if you stated before; is she leaving? When? Is it unresolved? Is it a joint lease?


No, I'm the one who is suppose to leave. I moved into her apartment when we got M. In June, but my health situation happened so I don't know if that's going to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> No, I'm the one who is suppose to leave. I moved into her apartment when we got M. In June, but my health situation happened so I don't know if that's going to happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you have the resources available to leave and live somewhere safe?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Do you have the resources available to leave and live somewhere safe?


Yes I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yes I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's stopping you from going?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> What's stopping you from going?


I don't know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I don't know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have no idea why you are living with someone who said what she's said to you?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> You have no idea why you are living with someone who said what she's said to you?


Let me rephrase that. I have enough to go but that would deplete my savings. I'm having surgery to remove the tumor in 9 days. I don't how this going to affect my health. So afraid to make that transition until I know how this is going to turn out. 

If I have to be out for a few weeks depending on what else they see, I don't want to be flat broke and can't pay my rent because I'll. that will more problems for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Let me rephrase that. I have enough to go but that would deplete my savings. I'm having surgery to remove the tumor in 9 days. I don't how this going to affect my health. So afraid to make that transition until I know how this is going to turn out.
> 
> If I have to be out for a few weeks depending on what else they see, I don't want to be flat broke and can't pay my rent because I'll. that will more problems for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I got it. Yes, you need to keep some bank for an emergency. Hmmmm....is it possible to live with family or friends as soon as medically possible?


----------



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I got it. Yes, you need to keep some bank for an emergency. Hmmmm....is it possible to live with family or friends as soon as medically possible?


The problem is all my family live in the west coast I'm in NY. I have my mom here but living there would be put me at high risk for infection. If you get what I'm saying. Don't get me wrong I love my mom but not what she does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> The problem is all my family live in the west coast I'm in NY. I have my mom here but living there would be put me at high risk for infection. If you get what I'm saying. Don't get me wrong I love my mom but not what she does.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right, you have to live some place where you feel safe. Which would be worse for you, living with your Mom until you get settled, or living with your wife who is hurting you?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Right, you have to live some place where you feel safe. Which would be worse for you, living with your Mom until you get settled, or living with your wife who is hurting you?


I've been debating that for weeks now. Mom will cause me more stress because she is an addict. Every time is see her it tears me apart. I fought my entire life to get away from that environment, to go back is something I'm not willing to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I've been debating that for weeks now. Mom will cause me more stress because she is an addict. Every time is see her it tears me apart. I fought my entire life to get away from that environment, to go back is something I'm not willing to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know what you mean. Is there any way you could come up with the funds to finance a move? Maybe sell something, borrow from your retirement fund, redeem a bond? Anything? I just hate to see you living in an unhealthy environment.

Maybe try to find a roommate. Or place an ad. Ask your minister, maybe there is some kind of community resource he can direct you to. I know when I left Scrooge there were a few nights I slept in my car and in the locker room at work. Did some couch surfing between family members before getting settled. 

Some might argue she should leave since she wants out but it might not be worth the fight if her name alone is on the lease. Scrooge was quick to get on my health and life insurance but wasn't overly concerned with getting me on her lease. Lessons learned.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I know what you mean. Is there any way you could come up with the funds to finance a move? Maybe sell something, borrow from your retirement fund, redeem a bond? Anything? I just hate to see you living in an unhealthy environment.
> 
> Maybe try to find a roommate. Or place an ad. Ask your minister, maybe there is some kind of community resource he can direct you to. I know when I left Scrooge there were a few nights I slept in my car and in the locker room at work. Did some couch surfing between family members before getting settled.
> 
> Some might argue she should leave since she wants out but it might not be worth the fight if her name alone is on the lease. Scrooge was quick to get on my health and life insurance but wasn't overly concerned with getting me on her lease. Lessons learned.


I've definitely spent a few nights in my car. But for the most part I just want to focus on my health and go from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I've definitely spent a few nights in my car. But for the most part I just want to focus on my health and go from there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At what point do I completely start moving on. I do want us to R but I'm at a point where I'm tired of feeling like victim, can anyone relate. I've been personal changes to better myself, but when I come home at night I still feel empty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> At what point do I completely start moving on. I do want us to R but I'm at a point where I'm tired of feeling like victim, can anyone relate. I've been personal changes to better myself, but when I come home at night I still feel empty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are you doing to fill up your life?


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> At what point do I completely start moving on. I do want us to R but I'm at a point where I'm tired of feeling like victim, can anyone relate. I've been personal changes to better myself, but when I come home at night I still feel empty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I waited around a few weeks while looking here for answers before I got off my butt and started making changes.

I joined a gym, I still go 3 or 4 times a week. I've lost 30 lbs so far. Lots of eye candy anyway, but you never know.

I went back to grad school. Lots of interesting characters there and some cute ladies too, although they are probably too young for me. Still it's fun to get out and it provides distraction while I earn my degree, which will help me earn more down the road.

I joined a meet up group. I went a few times and had fun but it was mostly older women who were dumped by their husbands. 

I tried creating my own meet up group. Only three people joined and nobody attended any meet ups, so I gave up on it.

I go to bible study and church services every week. Lots of fun and people of all ages. 

I joined a couple dating sites. One is a joke, the other has been pretty good. That's how I met Smiles and we had one meet up so far. I asked her out for a real date and she said yes so we'll see how it goes. Hopefully it works out, if not...oh well.

R, none of this helps me get over the fact that I was rejected and replaced. That hurts a lot, but it will pass in time.

So I could sit at home and mope, or I can try to move on.

One day I'll be completely healed. Can't wait. Hopefully by this summer.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I waited around a few weeks while looking here for answers before I got off my butt and started making changes.
> 
> I joined a gym, I still go 3 or 4 times a week. I've lost 30 lbs so far. Lots of eye candy anyway, but you never know.
> 
> ...


I know you will. You're doing a good job. Some days when your home it feels normal then other days back to square 1. She still calls me to see how I'm doing offers me money, then gets upset when I go out. Some days she'll get naked in front of me, others she closes the door. I was invited to a birthday party by her brother, she gave me the message. 

My surgery is next week, and I feel so empty. I don't want to go into surgery feeling like crap, feeling alone. You're suppose to go into surgery feeling positive surrounded by your love ones, not by someone who's' acting like they really care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I know you will. You're doing a good job. Some days when your home it feels normal then other days back to square 1. She still calls me to see how I'm doing offers me money, then gets upset when I go out. Some days she'll get naked in front of me, others she closes the door. I was invited to a birthday party by her brother, she gave me the message.
> 
> My surgery is next week, and I feel so empty. I don't want to go into surgery feeling like crap, feeling alone. You're suppose to go into surgery feeling positive surrounded by your love ones, not by someone who's' acting like they really care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why are you letting her jack you around?

Tighter boundaries are needed.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Why are you letting her jack you around?
> 
> Tighter boundaries are needed.


This time it's not so much her, its me. I'm tired of all the sh!! I don't care about what she wants anymore. I'm searching for my own happiness. I know the games she playing, it's for her well being not mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> This time it's not so much her, its me. I'm tired of all the sh!! I don't care about what she wants anymore. I'm searching for my own happiness. I know the games she playing, it's for her well being not mine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From the sound of your posts, you're recording her every move.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> From the sound of your posts, you're recording her every move.


We're in the same house and I am observing what she does not what's she says. No good?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> We're in the same house and I am observing what she does not what's she says. No good?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm worried about the emotional impact of her activity on you.

Keep talking to us and set your mind on detaching from her.

Every move you make needs to feed that goal.

Your powers of observation are increasing, but they need to shift from her actions onto your response.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I'm worried about the emotional impact of her activity on you.
> 
> Keep talking to us and set your mind on detaching from her.
> 
> ...


Ok I get it. I've been positioning myself to where I'm not codependent, I'm making small strides to rid myself of the notion that's it's all my fault. I am truly sorry for the mistakes on my part, but that's it. 
My confidence is coming back and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Am I all the way there no, no by a long shot. I know if I stay the course, and stay true to myself, I'll be ok no matter what. 

Here's the thing, what do you when you hit that wall and you don't want to fight for your M anymore. When you've lost all hope, and you're no longer willing to do whatever it takes to save your M?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Ok I get it. I've been positioning myself to where I'm not codependent, I'm making small strides to rid myself of the notion that's it's all my fault. I am truly sorry for the mistakes on my part, but that's it.
> My confidence is coming back and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Am I all the way there no, no by a long shot. I know if I stay the course, and stay true to myself, I'll be ok no matter what.
> 
> Here's the thing, what do you when you hit that wall and you don't want to fight for your M anymore. When you've lost all hope, and you're no longer willing to do whatever it takes to save your M?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First put the focus back on you. Stop worrying and reacting to her. Focus on you and your health. 

If I were in your situation, I would be trying my best to find a new safe place to live. The sooner she is out of your life the better. I know. ..we talked about your circumstances but do something. Being around her is not helpful. 

Give yourself time to grieve. The breakdown of the marriage was 50/50. The divorce is all on her. If she wants it make her pay the court fees! 

Ask yourself, what do I want now? When you're ready, you'll go after it.

No TAM after 11 pm. Get rest. The mental games with her takes a toll on your body.

My new friend Smiles is a nurse. She's smart and hot. You're already a nurse. You could be dating so many pretty and talented ladies if you want. And you will when you're ready.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> Ok I get it. I've been positioning myself to where I'm not codependent, I'm making small strides to rid myself of the notion that's it's all my fault. I am truly sorry for the mistakes on my part, but that's it.
> My confidence is coming back and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Am I all the way there no, no by a long shot. I know if I stay the course, and stay true to myself, I'll be ok no matter what.
> 
> Here's the thing, what do you when you hit that wall and you don't want to fight for your M anymore. When you've lost all hope, and you're no longer willing to do whatever it takes to save your M?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That last sentence betrays you.

The focus is still on "whatever it takes to save the M"

Realize, you may have to burn the village in order to save it.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> First put the focus back on you. Stop worrying and reacting to her. Focus on you and your health.
> 
> If I were in your situation, I would be trying my best to find a new safe place to live. The sooner she is out of your life the better. I know. ..we talked about your circumstances but do something. Being around her is not helpful.
> 
> ...


She's a nurse? I like her already lol. I definitely get what you're saying, that's the biggest challenge I'm facing in regards to letting go completely. I feel like if I start communicating with someone else I'm betraying my M, but the other part is saying" what do you have to lose.

I've been invited to A birthday party by her brother, but I respectfully declined. I know it's not in my best interest to go, I'll spend that time and hang out with my kids. Conrad, I got you on that, will change it up.. I appreciate the support, if you guys see me slipping please continue to let me know. I definitely want come out of this a much better person.

P, find out what area she works in. I work in orthopedics/ telemetry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> She's a nurse? I like her already lol. I definitely get what you're saying, that's the biggest challenge I'm facing in regards to letting go completely. I feel like if I start communicating with someone else I'm betraying my M, but the other part is saying" what do you have to lose.
> 
> I've been invited to A birthday party by her brother, but I respectfully declined. I know it's not in my best interest to go, I'll spend that time and hang out with my kids. Conrad, I got you on that, will change it up.. I appreciate the support, if you guys see me slipping please continue to let me know. I definitely want come out of this a much better person.
> 
> ...


I think she works in oncology. I never honestly cared what people do for work as long as they are honest and kind. Hope she feels this way too. Time will tell. 

Anyway, you're STILL thinking about the M. Stop it. 

You are in a foxhole alone surrounded by the enemy who is closing in. Time to call in a broken arrow and duck. You tracking?


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I think she works in oncology. I never honestly cared what people do for work as long as they are honest and kind. Hope she feels this way too. Time will tell.
> 
> Anyway, you're STILL thinking about the M. Stop it.
> 
> You are in a foxhole alone surrounded by the enemy who is closing in. Time to call in a broken arrow and duck. You tracking?


I'm at work, this is crazy. So a coworker I've seen a few time here there come to my floor to borrow some N/S 0.9%. Long story short, we get to chatting about the job and the shift, the usual stuff. After about a good 10 min of conversing, she tells me a few people on her floor are going to the diner when they get off.

I was like, that sounds like fun have a good time. Her reply is " what are you doing after work? 
I replied, I'm going home, she says " which one, yours or mine" then walks off turns around and smiles before she gets on the elevator.

Total shock on my face, but I did smile back. I guess the gym is paying off because she is smoking HOT! 
I have to say she did make me feel alive again during that moment. 

How do you respond to an invitation like that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

RSFWID said:


> I'm at work, this is crazy. So a coworker I've seen a few time here there come to my floor to borrow some N/S 0.9%. Long story short, we get to chatting about the job and the shift, the usual stuff. After about a good 10 min of conversing, she tells me a few people on her floor are going to the diner when they get off.
> 
> I was like, that sounds like fun have a good time. Her reply is " what are you doing after work?
> I replied, I'm going home, she says " which one, yours or mine" then walks off turns around and smiles before she gets on the elevator.
> ...


You are going right?:toast::banghead:


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I'm at work, this is crazy. So a coworker I've seen a few time here there come to my floor to borrow some N/S 0.9%. Long story short, we get to chatting about the job and the shift, the usual stuff. After about a good 10 min of conversing, she tells me a few people on her floor are going to the diner when they get off.
> 
> I was like, that sounds like fun have a good time. Her reply is " what are you doing after work?
> I replied, I'm going home, she says " which one, yours or mine" then walks off turns around and smiles before she gets on the elevator.
> ...


Well, I'm new to dating again so I'm rusty too. So ask questions here and we will both learn.

Here's my advice: if you want to go, go. Do what you want when you want when you feel like it. If there is something you don't want to do, don't do it.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

tom67 said:


> You are going right?:toast::banghead:


I swear 90% of want to go and live for the moment. I mean just go all out, I clearly know what she wants to do. I have 1 hour to make up my mind. I'm thinking what do I have to lose? Would you and why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

what do I have to lose? 

NOTHING DO IT!

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax (original version) - YouTube


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

tom67 said:


> what do I have to lose?
> 
> NOTHING DO IT!
> 
> Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax (original version) - YouTube


I didn't go not ready. But I get home from work and the W get up to use the bathroom as she walks past me, she pats me on the back. What the fu?k does that mean?/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

She was interested. 10 minutes and you had a date and a hookup I would say you will will be fine when you are ready.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

RSFWID said:


> I didn't go not ready. But I get home from work and the W get up to use the bathroom as she walks past me, she pats me on the back. What the fu?k does that mean?/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It doesn't mean anything.

And, you shouldn't spend even one minute reading anything into it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> It doesn't mean anything.
> 
> And, you shouldn't spend even one minute reading anything into it.


Sigh
50'000 ft bro


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> It doesn't mean anything.
> 
> And, you shouldn't spend even one minute reading anything into it.


Sorry guys feel asleep was tired. You're right it doesn't mean anything, at least not to me. As nurse I tend to always be in critical thing mode and sometimes I over analyze the situation. I ll tell you this, last night was definitely fun. I woke up with her my head, wearing a black lace thong feeding me breakfast. Lol! 

What are the odds of that? At this point I would say 95%. I wasn't ready to give her what she wanted, and I know it's probably just what the doctor ordered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I didn't go not ready. But I get home from work and the W get up to use the bathroom as she walks past me, she pats me on the back. What the fu?k does that mean?/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's as significant as a fart. If she has something to say will use her mouth and speak it.

Otherwise stay the course and FOCUS ON YOU. Even with nurse "Hi I'm Randi, your place or mine?"

Enjoy the now and be mindful and aware. Don't be reckless, but don't be fearful and overly cautious. Do what you want.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Sorry guys feel asleep was tired. You're right it doesn't mean anything, at least not to me. As nurse I tend to always be in critical thing mode and sometimes I over analyze the situation. I ll tell you this, last night was definitely fun. I woke up with her my head, wearing a black lace thong feeding me breakfast. Lol!
> 
> What are the odds of that? At this point I would say 95%. I wasn't ready to give her what she wanted, and I know it's probably just what the doctor ordered.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have an old friend, who just got in some trouble and needs my help. He called me and asked if I could bail him out with his money. As I'm on the phone talking W gets up and hears my conversation. he's living a different life style from me and I don't want no part of that life anymore. I've been telling him for years to cut the crap and get a job. Now I'm conflicted. Need some advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I have an old friend, who just got in some trouble and needs my help. He called me and asked if I could bail him out with his money. As I'm on the phone talking W gets up and hears my conversation. he's living a different life style from me and I don't want no part of that life anymore. I've been telling him for years to cut the crap and get a job. Now I'm conflicted. Need some advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A "nice guy" drops everything for other people. Got to keep up the image.

A true friend is there for his friends when needed. Hell or high water.

Is this dude your friend?

As for the wfe hearing-why do you notice things like that? Who gives a bleep about her! 

It's about you and your health right now.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> A "nice guy" drops everything for other people. Got to keep up the image.
> 
> A true friend is there for his friends when needed. Hell or high water.
> 
> ...


We been friends for 30 years, but I keep telling him to get away from that nonsense he doesn't listen. The problem is he ask me to go to bail bondsman to help get him out. Say I do that and something happens and for what ever reason he doesn't make it to court. I'm responsible for the 10k he owes on his bond. I don't want that responsibility. As far as her she knows him and doesn't like him very much but that's her problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> We been friends for 30 years, but I keep telling him to get away from that nonsense he doesn't listen. The problem is he ask me to go to bail bondsman to help get him out. Say I do that and something happens and for what ever reason he doesn't make it to court. I'm responsible for the 10k he owes on his bond. I don't want that responsibility. As far as her she knows him and doesn't like him very much but that's her problem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you don't want to do it then don't. If he's your friend he will understand.

I have a friend who doesn't return tools I loan him. So I don't loan him tools anymore. It make him mad, but it makes me mad when he doesn't return the tools I lend him. 

I can't control him, but I can control me. To avoid my anger I don't loan him my tools because he doesn't give them back right away.

We're still pals, but I don't loan him my tools.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> If you don't want to do it then don't. If he's your friend he will understand.
> 
> I have a friend who doesn't return tools I loan him. So I don't loan him tools anymore. It make him mad, but it makes me mad when he doesn't return the tools I lend him.
> 
> ...


That's the thing I can not sacrifice my well being for someone else. That's tremendous amount of money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> That's the thing I can not sacrifice my well being for someone else. That's tremendous amount of money.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've taken the last 2 days to clear my head and get ready. Tomorrow is my surgery and I have some anxiety but for the most part I'm ready. I'll be under for a few hours but I know everything will be fine.

I would appreciate if my my supporters would say a prayer for me, and let's beat this thing. Thanks for all the support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> I've taken the last 2 days to clear my head and get ready. Tomorrow is my surgery and I have some anxiety but for the most part I'm ready. I'll be under for a few hours but I know everything will be fine.
> 
> I would appreciate if my my supporters would say a prayer for me, and let's beat this thing. Thanks for all the support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks P, 
Surgery went well, I home. They were able to get 80% of the mass out. They're going to retest, so right now just waiting on pathology report. Just had to let my supporters know I'm ok. Thanks over 20. Time to eat because I'm hungry as hec didn't eat since Monday evening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID,

Glad to hear the procedure went well. I thinking and praying for you.

Relax. Rest. Let them take care of you.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> RSFWID,
> 
> Glad to hear the procedure went well. I thinking and praying for you.
> 
> Relax. Rest. Let them take care of you.


Yes my brother, I spending time to heal and count my blessings. I said a prayer for you, hoping that everything work out with you and smiles. Good luck I want to see you happy brother. Stay the course and be true to yourself, the rest will fall in place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Yes my brother, I spending time to heal and count my blessings. I said a prayer for you, hoping that everything work out with you and smiles. Good luck I want to see you happy brother. Stay the course and be true to yourself, the rest will fall in place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you, but right now it's about YOU. Rest, heal, and be well. 

Neither of us can control tomorrow, so why worry about it. I try to remember this. So enjoy the now.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Thank you, but right now it's about YOU. Rest, heal, and be well.
> 
> Neither of us can control tomorrow, so why worry about it. I try to remember this. So enjoy the now.


Today I'm feeling better, still weak but I can eat and move. My progress is coming along, just giving an update. 
Staying positive and continuing with my prayers!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> Today I'm feeling better, still weak but I can eat and move. My progress is coming along, just giving an update.
> Staying positive and continuing with my prayers!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We'll things were some what getting better until BS. So my W ex's daughter invited her to his surprise birthday party. 
Now she told me about the invite, and I asked me if I wanted to go.

She knows I don't care for him, nothing personal, but what's in the past is in the past. I told her I wasn't comfortable with going so there for I will not be going. I told her if she wanted to go she could. I wanted to see if she was really serious about making our M work. Last night she tells me she going. I said have fun and left.

What's wrong with this picture?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> We'll things were some what getting better until BS. So my W ex's daughter invited her to his surprise birthday party.
> Now she told me about the invite, and I asked me if I wanted to go.
> 
> She knows I don't care for him, nothing personal, but what's in the past is in the past. I told her I wasn't comfortable with going so there for I will not be going. I told her if she wanted to go she could. I wanted to see if she was really serious about making our M work. Last night she tells me she going. I said have fun and left.
> ...


Hi, hope you're recovering well from the procedure. 

What's wrong with the picture? Like a photograph, if you don't like how it looks, don't look at it and put it away.

Make a better picture to look at.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Hi, hope you're recovering well from the procedure.
> 
> What's wrong with the picture? Like a photograph, if you don't like how it looks, don't look at it and put it away.
> 
> Make a better picture to look at.


What's up P,
So far I'm healing pretty well, just taking it one day at a time.
W pisse! me off when she told me she was going to her ex's birthday party. I think it's disrespectful, especially knowing I don't care for him.

Why now! After 7 years of M, now you want to start going to his birthday parties. I don't like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

RSFWID said:


> What's up P,
> So far I'm healing pretty well, just taking it one day at a time.
> W pisse! me off when she told me she was going to her ex's birthday party. I think it's disrespectful, especially knowing I don't care for him.
> 
> ...


Hey R.

Tell her have a nice time. You have to stop caring about someone who doesn't want you. (It's tough I know...I still struggle and hurt)

It's been a bit since you checked in. What have you been doing to detach from her?


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