# 180 and the kids



## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

My husband and I are seperated living in two houses, and we are trying to work things out but I have a question? How does the 180 work if you have kids that go back and forth?


Thanks


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I don't really talk to my ex unless it has to do with our son, my pregnancy or money. When I do talk to him, I'm friendly but not familiar. I don't ask him personal questions and I don't offer information about my life either. If he wants to talk about something personal, I switch the topic or cut the conversation short (politely).

I have no problem with him calling or coming by if it has to do with our son. Even when I give birth (sometime this week or next) he'll be in the delivery room. I'm keeping our relationship strictly business and although labor/delivery is a more intimate experience, it's his kid too so it is what it is.


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## boxhead201 (Jun 8, 2012)

I have 2 kids and I am currently 180ing my spouse. I moved out 3 months ago. I don't have a personal phone, e-mail address or FB because of OCD. The STBXW can only get a hold of me at work. I rarely ever call her - except for today when I wanted to see if the kids wanted to go swimming. When I do talk to her, I don't ask the STBXW any personal questions. I don't talk about what I am feeling at all. I just keep it business. If she starts to lecture, I just listen. I am in *alot* of pain now and will be for some time. But I don't talk about the pain. I don't talk about anything (she doesn't listen anyways). I am moving on with my life and that is how I display it to her. I am my own man now. When I do open my mouth, it's just about seeing the kids. Just business. It was hard at first, but it is easier now.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

It is difficult, but gets better over time. It is "strictly business" between my STBXH and me. He and I both keep it that way. I prefer emails to phone calls, and the topics are confined to our daughter, scheduling, the divorce procedure, and money.

It requires (email) contact with him on an almost daily basis, and laying eyes on him at least once a week. I'd love to be able to break all contact, but since that is not possible, this is the best way to go about it.

Neither of us offers any personal info. For example, he knows that I am going out of town for a weekend in November, and so our daughter will stay with him. But he doesn't need to know where I am going or who I will be visiting. 

The days of discussing our feelings, and displaying anger or sadness over the ending of our marriage, are long over. Those emotions still linger, but no longer warrant rehashing.

The main thing is not to "reach" for what he will not give. Keeping it strictly business protects your feelings. Good luck.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I have a question, does doing the 180 with kids include NOT telling my ex cute little things that the kids did? I always get stuck on that one.


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

I get stuck on that one, too, Left. That is one of the hardest things for me actually. I have caved and told him a few things, but for the most part, I feel that he left and when he did, he gave up that right as well. Maybe it's not fair of me but if I share all those things with him, then he's not really missing out on anything, is he? I'd like to see other opinions on that as well. My oldest child has started having anxiety attacks and is really having a hard time coping so I find myself feeling very angry at STBXH some days and maybe I'm just feeling spiteful but I don't feel he has the right to hear all those cute little things he walked away from!


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

StillRemains said:


> I get stuck on that one, too, Left. That is one of the hardest things for me actually. I have caved and told him a few things, but for the most part, I feel that he left and when he did, he gave up that right as well. Maybe it's not fair of me but if I share all those things with him, then he's not really missing out on anything, is he? I'd like to see other opinions on that as well. My oldest child has started having anxiety attacks and is really having a hard time coping so I find myself feeling very angry at STBXH some days and maybe I'm just feeling spiteful but I don't feel he has the right to hear all those cute little things he walked away from!


:iagree::iagree:That is EXACTLY how I feel too!


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## 36Separated (Aug 5, 2012)

I pick at least one of my 3 kids up each day, so see my wife at least twice a day, do i just speak about times for pick ups?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My STBXH moved out of state and sees the children less than once a month. This is his choice, he's not working. He's annoyed I don't give him a run down of their days by email. I've told him if he wants to know how their school is going, or what's happening with one of their friends, or sports, he should pick up the phone and call his kids-something he does not do. I've told him when one is sick and had to go to the MD, and when a high schooler was changing a class but that is it. I'm not depriving him of a portion of his children's lives, he is choosing it. He was uninvolved with us when he was here. It breaks my heart that the kids don't really have a father, but I refuse to enable him which is what that kind of communication would be. He has to make some effort with this kids and he doesn't. I realize everyone's situation isn't this severe and Kuddos to the parents who are trying to be a part of their children's lives.


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