# Dealing with anger



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I have been very good at dealing with my WW in a mature and responsible manner, due to my desire to keep the kids protected. I am generally very controlled, but find that little things (often completely unrelated) are now setting me off and I know I am overreacting because of anger from the affair. Working out seems to help somewhat and I'm exercising almost every day, but I was looking for other suggestions. Is there anything that really helped people deal with the anger or is it just a manner of time? Any book suggestions?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MEM says that anger is a cover for hurt or fear.

Are you in counseling, bp? You could safely talk about those possibilities there.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I've done some sessions with a MC, but the counselor said that he doesn't need to see us anymore since we aren't staying together. Any good book suggestions?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Well, for everyone everywhere, I recommend _7 Habits of Highly Effective People. _

Specifically for anger I have heard _The Dance of Anger _recommended. Have not read it myself.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

There is also the book Beyond Anger (for men).


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Plus, familiarizing yourself with the grief cycle which includes anger as a natural process would be beneficial.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Bananapeel said:


> I've done some sessions with a MC, but the counselor said that he doesn't need to see us anymore since we aren't staying together. Any good book suggestions?


I don't know about books but what helps me is walking into the gym and seeing all the hot women giving me hungry smiles.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

The most therapeutic action I took was remodeling my kitchen. Scrubbing the greasy film off the cabinet doors, smashing the chipped tile back splash with a hammer-it was all so decadent. Then, after it was completely wrecked I made it pretty again. I did it. I love my kitchen for lots of reasons now.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> I've done some sessions with a MC, but the counselor said that he doesn't need to see us anymore since we aren't staying together. Any good book suggestions?


You should probably look into getting some _individual_ counseling.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I don't know if this would work for a man, But I started writing down my feelings & things came out that I didn't even know was there until I read back over it. It also helped me to vent here on TAM. I'm still dealing with the anger..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Distance and time. I was going to suggest spending time away from her but if you are separate already then focusing on your goals, having some helps, can keep less focus on her.

It is also ok to be angry. Letting it out is good and healthy as long as it doesn't go volcanic.

It is really ok to express anger and disgust as long as you are in control.

Anger is a very natural and healthy response to vile and disgusting behavior.

You don't have to destroy your stbxww in front of your children but it is fine that they know you are angry and disgusted with her.

They obviously know you can't be too happy with her since you are divorcing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badaboom (Feb 19, 2015)

Bananapeel said:


> I've done some sessions with a MC, but the counselor said that he doesn't need to see us anymore since we aren't staying together. Any good book suggestions?


Our MC said the same thing, but we both stayed in IC. If you can (might be hard with children in the house to care for) exercise to complete exhaustion. I've gotten myself from practically sedentary to 8 miles running in the 3 months since DDay. I feel better about my body, and endorphins and all that. Pushing to exhaustion is so I can sleep. 

Do you spend time outside with your children? The sun is a magic drug. Maybe take them to the park, or just out in your yard, as much as you and they can stand.


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## T2shay (Jun 30, 2015)

You really sound like I use to be. Everything would be fine and perfect then during dinner I would drop a fork and the next thing you know, I was throwing the pots and pans and yelling and screaming. I was so angry inside but didn't know why. I went to the dr and they put me on Zolft and it helped but didn't fix my issue. After being on that for a few years and not really correcting my problems I started to do things myself. I got off the Zolft and started taking these natural remedies for my symptoms.
Anger-Soothe? - Homeopathic Medicine for Symptoms of Anger and MindSoothe? - Herbal Supplement to Support a Balanced Mood then I got a punching bag and started using that. I also do yoga on my wii and take frequent walks. My anger has been redirected and I hardly take those natural pills anymore, just when it is my time of the month. This has been a huge help for both me and my family.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Thanks for the book suggestions. I'll check them up. My STBXWW is still at home. Her lease starts in a few weeks so she'll be out soon and I'm sure that will help. I'll try to spend more time outside, workout harder, and if need be talk to a counselor. The book suggestion is my preference because I can read it at my leisure and not have to schedule another meeting, which has already been a pain between the lawyer, bank, accountant, MC, doctor, etc.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

Not dealing with your WW would help. Your workouts - if you aren't lifting, give that a try. Burns away all kinds of stress. Anger and stress release large amounts of cortisol into the body. That's the "fight or flight" hormone. Great if you're being attacked, but horrible on a constant basis. Lifting seems to burn up the cortisol for a lot of people in a way cardio does not. 

Some acceptance might help as well. Why wouldn't you be angry? So don't worry about being there. 

Positive thoughts will also help. "I deserve good things". Think of the new life you will build without her.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation overall. At least things are getting finalized for you.

Like it was mentioned, some IC might be useful to help you address the underlying anger issues due to all that you have been going through.

You might be 'stuffing down' the anger from all the **** that your WW has put you through and this is leaking into your everyday life.

I'm learning myself that you can't just put the hard emotions away and not expect them to come out somewhere.

Hope you get closure soon and everything works out for you.


Good luck.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What helped me dealing with my anger at my ex was realizing that by letting go of her, I was gaining the rest of the world without her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Honestly I think anger gets a bad wrap. Sometimes it can be a good thing, you have a right to be angry. Your world was destroyed by a cheating spouse. Use the anger productively to make sure you are getting your life in order, taking care of your responsibilities, making sure you don't get screwed in the divorce, getting ready to be single and maybe date again.

I was big time depressed when I found out about my WW. I doubt I could have gotten out of bed had it not been for the anger I had over her betrayal. Once that kicked in I used that fuel productively. 

Now all that being said once you move forward to a place you need to start letting the anger go. Over time it will consume you and you'll just start taking it out on people who don't deserve it. That's why counseling can help but for now you should be angry...


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