# My wife talks in her sleep...



## married&stressed (May 23, 2013)

Hi, 

I am a totally newbie to all this, and its not something I would usually do.

My wife and I have been married for 8 months now and have been together for 4 years. Before we were married she went through a period of internet dating sites and the like. I have always known that for her those sites meant casual fun and nothing more. I have always been ok with this. She is an amazing person. I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship that she completely adores and they get along famously. Over the last two years she has developed a sleep talking problem. At first it was just talking, however it was always talking about ex partners (male & female) and ex casual flings including one night stands. Even though very this was all very difficult to live with I pushed through because I knew (thought I knew) that if it was reversed she would support me. For a long period of time and after seeing numerous doctors it would stop. It would always come back though and would seem to come back worse. I have detailed descriptions of what she has done with people and who they were. But still I stayed and supported her. For months before our wedding this didn't happen, however over the past month or so it has escalated to a new level. She hits me in her sleep, tried to strangle me and punches me asking me to leave because I am not a particular person. These violent out bursts along with the talking and masturbation have almost pushed me to breaking point. I feel like I am being blamed for this problem and it is taking a toll on my everyday life as well as the relationship I have with my son. I can't have him stay over at our house as I am unsure what she will scream out or do in the night.

Up until about a week ago I still believed I had a future with her, however there is one person she talks about that I can not get my head around at all. She had a long relationship with her female best friend. This friend has been overseas for the past 12 months and it has not been an issue. My wife has not talked about her in her sleep. However the best friend makes her way back to Australia last week and the talking starts again. They caught up for coffee today and I was told to stay away. Last night my wife explained in her sleep that they were going to get a hotel room and spend the day in bed together. I know she would never cheat on me. But I can't help wonder if our marriage is over. I find it really hard and as it progresses I find it hard to be around her and be around her with other people. I fell like I am lying to them all because they see us as some happy couple and we are not. I don't like that she is still friends with her ex and I have to listen to all the detail on the things they did together. 

I don't want to leave her as I still love her, I most likely always will. But I feel like I am getting to a point where I don't have the choice to stay anymore. That her problem is ruining both our lives....


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Have you considered* video recording an episode.

*preferably with her permission.


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## married&stressed (May 23, 2013)

Yes, I have recorded video and audio. She doesn't deny this happens.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wow! So your wife is coherently delivering monologues about past sexual experiences while she sleeps? Does she remember what she said upon waking? Has she ever talked about your sex life?

It sounds like you are now concerned she had spent the day in bed with her friend and has thus cheated on you? On the surface, I can see how that would be a logical conclusion to draw. But if she is aware that she monologues about past sexual experiences, that in itself would be a MAJOR inhibition to prevent her from having any sort of sexual encounter outside of marriage, she'd just rat herself out in her sleep. Doesn't that make sense?

Secondly, depending on what school of thought you belong to, dreams don't always represent what we think they do. Sometime a literal interpretation of reliving events is really just a reprocessing of the feelings associated with those events. But this may not apply to your wife since her brain isn't fully slumbering and part of her brain is still functioning lucidly.

I think you need to learn more about what is going on, neurologically, before you jump to any conclusions about what her dreams might indicate.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is why people should not hang out with exes. That is a big no no in my marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you sure that what she says in her sleep is real and not just dreams? Sometimes I dream about ex's. The dreams seem to be reliving things that bother me but they are all mixed up. Like sometimes there are more than one ex in a dream. They usually do not end well... as the problem in the relationship(s) come out in the dreams. I don't like these dreams cause I want to just forget all that crap.

Is she working through things in her dreams?

A lot of the men here say that they want to know everything that their fiance did with other men. Like they want a list of every partner their list had and every sexual thing they did with the ex. I'm not sure that's healthy. But that's what they say.

Do you do anything to wake her up when she starts this? It might be good to do to get her to just stop talking, hitting you and whatever else she does.

It sounds like she is working through things that she does not want to deal with when awake.

When she tries to kick you out of bed because you are not some other guy. Does she know who you are at that moment? Or is she back in a previous time while asleep and freaked up because she woke up and some guy she does not recognize is in bed with her?

Surely there is a way to get a person to stop doing this. Have you been to counseling with her about this?

Me? I'd be tempted to dump a glass of ice water on a person if nothing else worked.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

About the female who just moved back. She's an ex. Your wife needs to end all contact with her. She's at least emotionally cheating if not physically.


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## Whiner (May 22, 2013)

I talk in my sleep but it never makes sense. Did you say this is something she's had checked out with a doctor? There isn't a chance she's doing it on purpose is there? Anyway, despite the fact that dreams are dreams, it seems like you don't accept her "just for fun" dating relationships as being harmless anymore and you're not confident that her dream-talking is totally innocent. I think you should have a very direct talk explaining how you feel, your worries, and your boundaries. I have been married a long time and I think it would have been much better to stand up for myself and establish my idea of what was ok early on. Even if the sleep-talk is totally innocent, it clearly brings up some things that you do not like at all. Does she realize this? Is she really just fine (relationship-wise) except for this?


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

Watch "sleepwalk with me".

Then get her to a sleep specialist. She needs her own bedroom and she must have some interventions if she is becoming violent - so she doesn't hurt herself or others. 

What she is saying probably isn't completely true; but episodes can become more intense if she is stressed.


Watch the video. Today.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I had the same question as EleGirl. How do you know that what she is talking about are ACTUAL events from her past? My ex H has been in my dreams A LOT over the last couple of months (which, omg, make them stop!!) But I havent had any dreams about real life events. God, last night I had a dream with THREE ex's in it! GAH! I'm sorry that you have to hear dialogue of her dreams, and how scary that she has now gotten physical! Has she had a sleep evaluation done? I think she needs to get into a sleep study.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

a lil scary if you watch the movie Side Effects (2013) - IMDb


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