# Just Curious



## Honest (Mar 17, 2010)

My wife recently informed me of her desire to no longer be married. This came as quite a surprise to me as there have been no signs that she felt this way.

To keep this short I will very briefly describe the situation. We were high school sweethearts. Even though things did not work out for us as kids, we remained friends over the years and eventually lost touch as I spent several years traveling from one state to another. Just over 2 years ago, she contacted me via Facebook.com. It was a great and wonderful reunion. Our teen-aged romance was rekindled and all was right with the universe.

We dated for 2 months, decided to live together and a year later I proposed. Four months later we were married. I believe in my heart that I had at long last found my soul mate. During this brief time, we have been completely happy. We laugh a lot, go on dates, have a healthy sex life and arguments have been nothing more than infrequent disagreements that have been easily resolved.

I could not be more happy with any relationship I have ever had and truly believed that I would live the rest of my life with the most wonderful woman in the world. Last week, that woman told me that she "thought" she was ready to be married. She explained that while she does not want to lose me, she also can not remain faithful to me. She wants to no longer be married, but for us to continue dating which will allow her to see other people.

Now I understand there are people out there who are o.k. with sharing their partners if only for the reason of physical fulfillment. She feels that this should not bother me as she is only being "physical" with some one else and not being emotionally involved with some one else. I personally do not buy it. I do not want my life partner to be emotionally or physically involved with anyone other than me. 

Please understand that she is a great woman in every aspect. I love her deeply, trust her completely and do truly want to be as supportive and understanding as possible. But if she wants to see other people then I feel that we can no longer be together as I am not interested in that type of relationship.

I just have to know how other people feel about this issue. Should I not care if she wants to be with other men? Is that acceptable? She tells me that everyone cheats. She claims there are very few people out there who remain completely faithful to each other. I disagree. For as many people who cheat, there are just as many people who remain faithful to each other.

I am not naive or spineless. I just do not wish to end what is otherwise a fantastic relationship because I might have unrealistic expectations. 

Thanks in advance for any advice or opinions.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Your situation echos the sentiments of Peggy Vaughn in her book, Beyond Affairs.

Peggy is an expert on marriage, affairs, etc. To summarize, Peggy eventually decided that if her husband, Jim, decided to resume having affairs (he'd had many,) that for her own well-being, she would not be able to live with him, then.

Peggy also offers one-time professional consultation.


If she wishes to live this way and you do not, you will be miserable trying to tolerate it. Best of luck.

Lyn


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