# EA/sex addiction/attention addiction & bipolar disorder?



## [email protected] (Feb 16, 2013)

I originally posted this in "coping with infedility" but I think it might go better here... My husband has had several EAs and one PA that I know of.. He is a compulsive liar. We have been separated several times since the initial discovery of his PA, early feb. (which has ended), sometimes we are separated for a few days, more recently for a month... because we've been really on edge, tense and getting on eachother's nerves... He has grown increasingly aggresive and hostile (never hit me, but yells, punches walls, slams doors and gets this crazy look in his eyes)..

so when things get too bad, I kick him out and tell him to go to his mom's house... it seems that everytime we're separated he is using the opportunity to go out to bars and clubs with his buddies, go out drinking, make online dating profiles in which he claims he's "single," (most recently on "plenty of fish.com") reply to "casual encounter" ads on craigslist, looking for attention or sex, download/watch massive amounts of porn, etc... he gives these women he talks to online his phone number so they can text... he doesn't discriminate, they could be 35, or 16... on the other side of the world, barely speak any english, or 30 minutes away from where we live..

When I confront him about all this, at first he becomes defensive.. then he says he "doesn't know why he does it, but he knows he has a problem.. it's like an addiction, he gets an adrenaline rush from it.. he can't be a alone, he needs constant attention, etc..." I am pregnant with our first child, and despite knowing this, it doesn't really seem to make a difference to him... last night we had a heart-to-heart where he swore to me that if I gave us "one last chance" he would really work on his issues... and commit to getting better.. for the sake of our "little family" but I feel like every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie..

He has been diagnosed by 2 psychiatrists with Bipolar II..They said it seemed like his bipolar disorder was spiraling out of control and that he might need to go back on medication to regulate his mood swings/manic episodes, that this might explain his sudden changes in mood, irritability, impulsive behavior etc.. and that he might also have a sex addiction. Right around the time of the PA he started smoking and drinking heavily (something he didn't do before, it seemed like he was just picking up all the bad habits at once..)

Has anybody dealt with compulsive/destructive behavior like this from a spouse? Is it really an "addiction" or is that just a cop-out? He's supposed to start on mood-stabilizers on friday, I don't know whether to wait or just file for divorce.. There's much more to our story, you can check it out in the first thread I posted:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/139970-ive-made-mess-things-new-post.html

but this is pretty much the gist of what's going on right now.. he's staying in our guesthouse for the time being.. i don't feel right around him, I can't cuddle with him or even hold his hand.. and I told him not to pressure me or push me into doing anything.. I feel like he's always lying and hiding things from me... and like he has this crazy look in his eyes.. like I don't even know him.. I can feel that he really is unstable, and that the mood stabilizers might help him with his rage/anger but I don't know if they will do anything about his compulsive lying and cheating..

Last night we were arguing about his dating profile on "plenty of fish" he got angry because I told him I didn't feel like he was telling me the "whole truth" (about a woman he met on there).. It got to the point where he came up to me and gave me this crazy look, grit his teeth and said "I swear to God.. I HAVE NEVER come this close to hitting you in my life!!"

I guessI must be crazy for sticking around..


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