# Girlfriend's Ex-Husband Moved Into Her Basement



## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

I've been going out with a woman for over a year. We were each other's first LTR after our divorces. We fell in love within a few months, became "official", but went super slow and cautiously. I met her kids, met her family, her best friends, yet she was _very_ slow to present us publicly as an "item" (such as on Facebook). Last year she and I, along with her two kids and my two kids, used to do periodic activities (around once per month).

One thing I should explain is that my girlfriend is the sweetest, most compassionate woman I've ever met. _ANYONE_ who comes to her (either visitors/members of the church she works at, or outside of work) with personal problems (such as a struggling family, someone with health issues, a death in the family, or whatever) she'll take things personally and want to reach out and help them as much as she can. Now, she's never sacrificed money outside of a few bucks out of her wallet, but her heart breaks for all these people and my GF takes things _VERY_ personally. I love that about her that she thinks selflessly like that. 

Anyway, back to our story...She eventually got to the point where she started telling me I was the love of her life, she wanted to be with me forever, and so forth, even if moving in together or marriage might have been far off. I reciprocated those feelings and was really starting to feel like she was my best friend, my sweetheart and soulmate. We would text each ther several times a day, and she would always call me every night so that we could tell each other how our days went (a habit that lasted up until now). She and I met once or twice a week, as our busy schedules allowed us to.

Then at the beginning of this February, she allowed her ex-husband to move into her basement (he had previously lived several hours away, but his work had relocated him back to our geographic area). I hated the idea, but my GF said she was going to be diligent about getting him moved out ASAP, and she even went apartment-hunting with him.

What's the problem I have? Well, my GF would not let me visit her house while the ex was there in the evenings. I met her for lunch a few times at her home, but she was not ready for him to meet me if I were to come over. He was under depression, and she was very concerned about his feelings. I should also mention that my GF started taking online classes towards getting her master's degree around this time.

Well, before you know it, weeks had turned into months and I brought up the issue with not being able to visit her at her house back in April. She told me she was so busy juggling kids, her job and college that she didn't have much time to think about or deal with the ex problem. Besides, with another "built-in" babysitter in her ex, I imagine it helped her out quite a bit. 
The thing is, it not only _DRASTICALLY_ cut down on the amount of time I've been able to spend with my GF, but I've hardly been able to see her kids in the past 5 months. What's worse, is that my GF has all but banned me from coming up to her town (we live over 30 miles away) to see things like her daughter's sporting events or school functions. That's hurt.

My GF and took separate, out-of-town trips in the middle of May (for vastly different reasons), but once we both got back we started to seriously discuss the ex-husband problem. For me, it had gotten to the point where I felt it was _way beyond_ unfair to me. I was angry that she would not even think of having her ex leave the house for a few hours while I would be able to cook dinner or hang out with her and her kids (I even even presented different scenarios where me, my kids and her kids could all do something while she studied for her college classes).

Those discussions have turned into full-blown arguments, and even the aforementioned communication problems came back into the fights. She, with an attitude of almost reluctance, finally told me that she gave her ex until June 30th to move out, but not before the ex-husband gets to go on an out-of-town vacation. It's been an emotional roller coaster for us since the middle of April.

Anyway, to kind of close this post up (thanks for reading so far), my GF and I had a fight on the phone last Monday night about an unrelated issue, but like a lot of arguments go, a bunch of other topics were thrown in. She and I got off the phone with things unresolved, and we have not spoken or text messaged _AT ALL_ since then.

What should I do? Should I bother to even call her back, or should I forget about her? Should I wait for her? I feel like she clearly put me on the back burner of her life, and that she should make all the moves to resolve this. Thoughts?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

From personal experince getting sex is the easiest with the ex's.

Ditch her and move on, she's not loyal to you now she wont be loyal to you later on.


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## Liveagoodlife (Jun 8, 2012)

Lol, you must be very delusional and gullible if you believe nothing is going on between them in that house, I would bet he is not "living in the basement" at all, that is just what you have been told

She wants to keep you as a backup, or a "plan B" in case things don't work out again with her "ex" husband,

Does he even know about you? My guess would be no

Stop trying to make excuses for her, there is never a reason to live with an "ex" unless they are something more than an "ex"

I think you are kidding yourself and just don't want to believe the truth
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others. She's stringing you along. 

It takes a 12 to 18 months to find out if a person is a good long term relationship candidate. You can see why it takes that long. Our first impressions of a person can be very clouded. What you are seeing now is an aspect of her personality that she is not showing those good folks at Church and the needs ones who she bleeds for. She’s showing a selfish side that allows her to hurt someone who she claims to love. 

She is clearly not done with the relationship with her ex-husband. You are the backup guy. But the longer the ex stays there, the more you become the non-plan.

Move on. Thank goodness you found out about this side of her before you married her and had children with her.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

Thanks, folks. I was looking for blunt, honest and real opinions, and you did not disappoint.

To respond...Does her ex know about me? Yes. And their 12-year-old daughter knows that her mother and I are boyfriend/girlfriend, and we even all went on an out-of-town trip together (me, my GF, her kids) to see my GF's family back in April, and they're all fully aware of me. I figure the daughter would snitch and tell her dad, "mom's got a boyfriend!" if it were a big secret. 

Of course, that still doesn't mean nothing is going on between her and her ex...


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Liveagoodlife said:


> Lol, you must be very delusional and gullible if you believe nothing is going on between them in that house, I would bet he is not "living in the basement" at all, that is just what you have been told
> 
> She wants to keep you as a backup, or a "plan B" in case things don't work out again with her "ex" husband,
> 
> ...


:iagree: 

Looks like she is trying to get back together with the ex to see if it works out, and you are the 'backup' if things don't work out with the ex. 

Time to walk away...


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If she was "into you", as you say lovers/soulmates/best friends---and it was completely over with him----2 real simple questions

WHY ARE YOU BANNED FROM HER HOUSE? WHY IS SHE BATTLING WITH YOU ON EVERYTHING?

If she were as you say in love with you---YOU WOULD BE THERE, he would be GONE---It is the reverse---circumstantially, what conclusions, do you draw from what is actually going on

Your GF, is not what she seems to be----AND---lets say he leaves, and the 2 of you resume your relationship---what is gonna happen, the next time he needs help/wants to see her---are you going to again be banned

Do you really need this drama in your life---there over 6 billion people on this planet, a whole lot of them women, do you mean to tell me you cannot find, one, just one---that doesn't come with baggage, like this?????


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

RegularJoe36 said:


> Thanks, folks. I was looking for blunt, honest and real opinions, and you did not disappoint.
> 
> To respond...Does her ex know about me? Yes. And their 12-year-old daughter knows that her mother and I are boyfriend/girlfriend, and we even all went on an out-of-town trip together (me, my GF, her kids) to see my GF's family back in April, and they're all fully aware of me. I figure the daughter would snitch and tell her dad, "mom's got a boyfriend!" if it were a big secret.
> 
> Of course, that still doesn't mean nothing is going on between her and her ex...


I don't think it's a secret. They all know... the kicker is nobody cares about that but you at this point.

The ex won't respect your relationship, because to him, you are a non factor. How did that happen? Well it's your GF's fault. She let him move back in the house and keeps you at a distance... like you don't exist. And rather tell you what really is going on with her, she's hoping you'll get the strong message she's sending, and fade off into the sunset.

Cut her loose. She's still hooked on her ex... it's so obvious.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

"she was very concerned about his feelings."

Why wasn't she very concerned about YOUR feelings?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

The biggest flag is she wouldn't let you into the house as long as the ex was in. An she did it for months? She was concerned about his depression but not your feelings? Ok, Good luck. You don't have the full story here. It was most likely she was seeing the ex by the side. No wonder the fights. Usually happens when one partner is cheating on the other.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

RegularJoe36 said:


> I've been going out with a woman for over a year. We were each other's first LTR after our divorces. We fell in love within a few months, became "official", but went super slow and cautiously. I met her kids, met her family, her best friends, yet she was _very_ slow to present us publicly as an "item" (such as on Facebook). Last year she and I, along with her two kids and my two kids, used to do periodic activities (around once per month).
> 
> One thing I should explain is that my girlfriend is the sweetest, most compassionate woman I've ever met. _ANYONE_ who comes to her (either visitors/members of the church she works at, or outside of work) with personal problems (such as a struggling family, someone with health issues, a death in the family, or whatever) she'll take things personally and want to reach out and help them as much as she can. Now, she's never sacrificed money outside of a few bucks out of her wallet, but her heart breaks for all these people and my GF takes things _VERY_ personally. I love that about her that she thinks selflessly like that.
> 
> ...


Your girlfriend got back together with her ex-husband and she doesn't have the balls to tell you. That's your answser right there.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

She chose her Ex over you.

Dump her & move on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Just curious through all of this time. Were you guys still dating? Were you continuing a sex life with her?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

She hasn’t given you a choice.

Break up with her ASAP and don’t even think about communicating with her until he is out of the house. Odds are that won’t happen since she is probably in a relationship with him again anyway.

Life is WAY too short to deal with this bullsh!t, get out now while you still have your sanity.

Back in the day I was dating this girl for about a month or two. She had an F buddy down in Austin that she used to visit but of course ended it when we hooked up. However she and her friends had plans to go down there for a play and stay for the weekend at his place which I thought was inappropriate. She didn’t think it was a big deal and fought me over it. I didn’t think she would fool around but that wasn’t the point. She said she would go anyway so I told her don’t call me when she got back (that was a hard thing to say but I had too much self-respect to back down).

We worked at the same place so I just avoided her area when she returned and 2 weeks later she called wanted to get lunch. She basically said she was sorry and begged me to take her back. We ended up together for 4 years (she ended up cheating but that’s another story). She never ask to go back down there again btw.

For your own dignity ‘s sake, you have to end things until she makes it right and even then, think twice before taking her back.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

Great respones, guys. I'm not making excuses for her, but just clarifying some things...

All of last year, both her ex-husband and my ex-wife would come and stay at our respective houses when it was their weekends to see the kids (my GF has custody of her two kids, and I have custody of my two boys). We both excepted the mutual arrangement with each other. I know I didn't sleep with my ex-wife when she was over, and I trusted my GF at the time not to sleep with her ex when he was there. My GF and I would often take advantage of these weekends to go out and do stuff together, weekend trips, etc.

Here's some answers to your replies.



jnj express said:


> If she was "into you", as you say lovers/soulmates/best friends---and it was completely over with him----2 real simple questions
> 
> WHY ARE YOU BANNED FROM HER HOUSE? WHY IS SHE BATTLING WITH YOU ON EVERYTHING?


Yes, it's absolute BS I cannot go to her house in the evenings. BUT....I have visited her at her house at lunchtime several times this past year (she lives 5 minutes form her work) either for a little hanky-panky or to have a regular lunch/talk.

The battling with me over everything has a lot to do with other unrelated issues, or issues not at the core of this problem. It's only "recently" (relatively speaking) that she and I have addressed this ex-husband issue head on, and all of the topics of arguement have bled together into one big mess.



jnj express said:


> Your GF, is not what she seems to be----AND---lets say he leaves, and the 2 of you resume your relationship---what is gonna happen, the next time he needs help/wants to see her---are you going to again be banned.
> 
> Do you really need this drama in your life---there over 6 billion people on this planet, a whole lot of them women, do you mean to tell me you cannot find, one, just one---that doesn't come with baggage, like this?????


If we were to hypothetically resume our relationship after he moves out, I would definitely draw a hard line in the sand and put my foot down, that NOTHING like this would ever happen again.

I already have a coffee date with another woman this week. I'm not looking for a quickie or a rebound from it, but I just want to see if anything can possibly come out of it. As much as I love my GF, I am willing to be strong and move on...



Entropy3000 said:


> Just curious through all of this time. Were you guys still dating? Were you continuing a sex life with her?


Yes, we were dating and having sex. We've gone on little weekend getaways this year (that her ex knew about) as well as the vacation trip out of town with her kids to see her extended family & friends. The thing that she and I could not do is meet at her house for dinner, to sit & watch movies, etc.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Reading your last response, it's like you're in fantasy land. You just don't get it. She doing her ex. Time to get a little self respect and dump her. Unless you're ok with having a "girlfriend" who ****s other guys.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

No one knows if she is "doing her ex". BUT...YOU should be the love of her life and included in EVERYTHING, and he should be relegated to the guy/friend/family who is staying in the basement till he gets on his feet. I can see that it would be awkward..... but that is the price the guy-in-the-basement pays for having a place to stay. 

YOU should be the main concern, and she should bend over backwards to make it ok with you, to the exclusion of him.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> No one knows if she is "doing her ex". BUT...YOU should be the love of her life and included in EVERYTHING, and he should be relegated to the guy/friend/family who is staying in the basement till he gets on his feet. I can see that it would be awkward..... but that is the price the guy-in-the-basement pays for having a place to stay.
> 
> *YOU should be the main concern, and she should bend over backwards to make it ok with you, to the exclusion of him.*


I agree. It does not matter whether she is having sex with her ex or not.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Reading your last response, it's like you're in fantasy land. You just don't get it. She doing her ex. Time to get a little self respect and dump her. Unless you're ok with having a "girlfriend" who ****s other guys.


Thanks for the brutally honest answer. That's exactly what I was what I was looking for on here.

I did say this: "I already have a coffee date with another woman this week. I'm not looking for a quickie or a rebound from it, but I just want to see if anything can possibly come out of it. As much as I love my GF, I am willing to be strong and move on..."



SunnyT said:


> No one knows if she is "doing her ex". BUT...YOU should be the love of her life and included in EVERYTHING, and he should be relegated to the guy/friend/family who is staying in the basement till he gets on his feet. I can see that it would be awkward..... but that is the price the guy-in-the-basement pays for having a place to stay.
> 
> YOU should be the main concern, and she should bend over backwards to make it ok with you, to the exclusion of him.


You're right. And this is the very crux of the problem. The motivation behind it - whether it be her and her ex sleeping with each other and possibly getting back together, or if she legitimately let things slip on by - I may not never know.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

She's defensive about it when you bring it up, as if you shouldn't have an opinion and/or it's none of your business. If you're supposed to be in a committed relationship, it very much is your business and you should know what's going on and have your questions answered.

She can protect his feelings but not yours? Something is rotten in Denmark.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't thi nk she was ready to get into a relationship with anyone when she got with you. It's very clear she has unresolved feelings about her divorce/marriage/ex. The fact she wouldn't introduce you to her family/friends or in public declare you were an "item" is a huge red flag indicating she wasn't sold on your relationship. Which is fine, because after a divorce, everything is so crazy. Thsoe feelings for the previous relationship just don't go away. 

Who wanted the divorce? Her or him?

Nonetheless: What do you want? Figure that out and go from there. If he does move out on 6/30 as she said, will everything be better or are there other issues? What if he doesn't move out by then? What then? Will you be happy being the part-time boyfriend who can only come over when he's out of the house?

What do YOU want?


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think she was ready to get into a relationship with anyone when she got with you. It's very clear she has unresolved feelings about her divorce/marriage/ex. The fact she wouldn't introduce you to her family/friends or in public declare you were an "item" is a huge red flag indicating she wasn't sold on your relationship. Which is fine, because after a divorce, everything is so crazy. Thsoe feelings for the previous relationship just don't go away.
> 
> Who wanted the divorce? Her or him?
> 
> ...


To clarify, she DID introduce me to family/friends. It was "publicly", as on Facebook or putting up a photo of us at work, that she was resistant on.

She was the one who filed for divorce.

What do I want? In a perfect world, it would be for her to fully admit to me what she's done, and do actions to rectify the problem IMMEDIATELY. Not just be satisfied with the June 30th deadline, but I would be to be able to tell her, "I'm coming over for dinner tonight." And she would tell her ex, "hey Bob, you're going to have to leave for a few hours. My boyfriend's coming over tonight." Or even have him stay in the basement...

But it's not a perfect world, so the reality exists that there might be ulterior motives...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If she did still fully feel the way about you that she said she did - she would have found a way to make it work with you way before now. BECAUSE SHE WOULD WANT TO AND WOULD BE MOTIVATED TO.

Instead, she's put you on a slow simmer back burner with rules on where you can be with her, how often, and when.

Instead of giving her EX boundaries at the house - because he was imposing on her kindness - she gave you boundaries and let him and his feelings be the priority - NOT YOURS.

She's just being a coward at this point and not honest with you about where you stand in her desires and priorities. Obviously she's a mom with kids, they come first. But not your not even #2 or #3. You are down the list where buddies and people you routinely see around are located.

Time to pull the plug and move on.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

RegularJoe36 said:


> We've gone on little weekend getaways this year (that her ex knew about) as well as the vacation trip out of town with her kids to see her extended family & friends. The thing that she and I could not do is meet at her house for dinner, to sit & watch movies, etc.


The ex doesn't care what she does with you because at the end of the day she always comes home to him. 

Luckly she is only a gf and you don't have kids with her. You should officially call it off (so it looks like you are standing up for yourself) and just say you are not happy with your situation and you think it’s best if you guys part ways. Her actions after you do that will tell you tons. 

If she cared one bit about you she will try to stop you or at least empathize with you. If she goes dark then she is banging her ex. Regardless you can’t maintain the status quo and there’s really nothing short of cutting ties that would wake her up to the situation.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

If the ex is so depressed that she needs to protect him from you, then he should seek hospitilization, not be protected from you.

She very well may be too bleeding heart to put her foot down like that, but if she's serious about you then she owes that to you. So take charge and tell her that's what she should do if she's serious about you - that it's not right for him to come between your relationship.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

OP - are you sure she's actually divorced and wasn't just separated? This really stinks to me, and the fact that you're not even allowed to visit her town really raises suspicion...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW - I bet the EX does care about you. He knows he can't ban her from seeing you, but he is quite likely playing every game he can to keep you away.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Everybody already said everything I wanted to say except...it's only been a year since you guys got together? Moving a bit fast don't you think?

You're a better judge of your situation than internet faceless opinions, but introducing your kids to this woman and her family was premature. She doesn't seem like she was ready.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Everybody already said everything I wanted to say except...it's only been a year since you guys got together? Moving a bit fast don't you think?
> 
> You're a better judge of your situation than internet faceless opinions, but introducing your kids to this woman and her family was premature. She doesn't seem like she was ready.


It's been about 15 months. You seriously think that introducing someone to your kids and family within 15 months is premature? That's one opinion I have to strongly disagree with.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

WillK said:


> She very well may be too bleeding heart to put her foot down like that, but if she's serious about you then she owes that to you. So take charge and tell her that's what she should do if she's serious about you - that it's not right for him to come between your relationship.


And that's exactly what I did do last month - put my foot down. That's when she gave her ex the June deadline. 

But to me, it still felt like a half-assed solution, where it was like, "well, what are we gonna do in the meantime? How come you're not asking him to leave the house for a couple of hours (or even stay in the basement) so that I can come over every once in a while?" That was one of one of the subjects of the arguments, and why she and I haven't spoken in over a week.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Personally, IF my ex were staying in my basement and I had a boyfriend....I would pretend as if the ex were just some neighbor, or even non-existant. He SHOULD be a non-issue. 

AND... if it were awkward for her to have you over to her house, then she should be GOING OUT OF HER WAY to visit you at YOUR house, your town, etc.... SHE is the one who threw a wrench into the relationship. Maybe bleeding heart... but either way, she should be making it up to you. Even giving the ex the June deadline, she should be doing everything she can to make YOU ok with it in the meantime.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> Personally, IF my ex were staying in my basement and I had a boyfriend....I would pretend as if the ex were just some neighbor, or even non-existant. He SHOULD be a non-issue.
> 
> AND... if it were awkward for her to have you over to her house, then she should be GOING OUT OF HER WAY to visit you at YOUR house, your town, etc.... SHE is the one who threw a wrench into the relationship. Maybe bleeding heart... but either way, she should be making it up to you. Even giving the ex the June deadline, she should be doing everything she can to make YOU ok with it in the meantime.


Yes, I totally agree - she should be!

Not making excuses for her, but it would be far easier for me to visit her because of her kids and her college classes, plus the fact that financially I'm in a better place and can afford to get gasoline more often.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*Not making excuses for her, but it would be far easier for me to visit her because of her kids and her college classes, plus the fact that financially I'm in a better place and can afford to get gasoline more often. *

That IS making excuses for her. You could fill up her tank, her ex can watch the kids, and she can work around the college classes. 

It sounds like she "is just not that into you".... or she would really be trying to at least meet you half way and not screw up a good relationship like this.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Sorry happen to agree with everyone else here. If I were you I would move on. Tell her if she wants to start over give you a call after the ex moves and not before. If she does call you and you resume make sure nothing is hidden. If she hides you in any way, say Adios.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the balls in her court.

tell her when shes ready to have a relationship to give you a call and then start dating again.

don't wait around for her to give him the boot. sounds like she is keeping her options open for getting back together and your plan B


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> the balls in her court.
> 
> tell her when shes ready to have a relationship to give you a call and then start dating again.
> 
> don't wait around for her to give him the boot. sounds like she is keeping her options open for getting back together and your plan B





Hopefull363 said:


> Sorry happen to agree with everyone else here. If I were you I would move on. Tell her if she wants to start over give you a call after the ex moves and not before. If she does call you and you resume make sure nothing is hidden. If she hides you in any way, say Adios.


Chillymorn and Hopefull363, let's say she's NOT screwing her ex-husband or trying to get back with him.....should *I* be the one to break the silence (in my Original Post, I stated she and I had a fight and haven't contacted each other in a week) just to tell her, "give me a call after he moves out" or wait for her to make that move? I did not explain all the specifics of the last talk/fight we had to try to keep the post below novel-length, and I did perhaps hurt her feelings with something I said, so therefore she might not think I want to see her anymore.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If she doesn't have the decency to kick her ex out by herself then she is far from a keeper material. Just my .02


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

RJ, you are one thick dude. Why are you wasting time on this woman? Yeah we know you love her, problem is you love her more than she loves you, or you would not be #10 on her priority list. 

Why did you and your first wife divorce if I may ask?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

She is not taking your feelings into consideration. You are not her priority, her ex is. My advice from above still stands. You should be the first to tell her you are moving on. What she is expecting you to tolerate is totally unreasonable.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> RJ, you are one thick dude. Why are you wasting time on thois loser? Yeah we know you love her, problem is you love her more than she loves you, or you would not be #10 on her priority list.
> 
> Why did you and your first wife divorce if I may ask?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit, I appreciate yours and everyone else's opinions. I'm not "poo-pooing" your advice at all, I'm just trying to scope out every available option so that I can make the most informed decision possible. I've feared what the vast majority of you had said, and I came on this forum to get an unbiased opinion.

I filed divorce from my first wife after 12 years of marriage. She was (and still is) bi-polar/manic depressant /suicidal. I could not take being with her any longer.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Joe, let her make the first move; don't be needy, don't be clingy.

She needs to justify why she fits into YOUR life, at this point.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Should not have said loser. I went back and changed it. 

Sounds like with your experience dealing with the ex-wife you developed a huge capacity for understanding and patience. 

You don't need to be that way anymore brother, especially with a woman who does not have mental illness and who should know better how to treat somebody. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bubba233 (Jun 14, 2012)

I think everything was said here. I think you have been way too patient and nice. The ball is in her court. You took a lot of bs from her and save your dignity, do not call her again. It is extremely disrespectful to you to let the ex hubby live in her house and you be locked out of it. You should not have agreed to it from day 1. Sorry pal, I feel your pain, but there is one way out with dignity... do not call her. If she calls and wants to talk, dictate your terms and be firm about them. You are a man, you have your needs and feelings that should be respected. Next to her kids, NOBODY in this world should have priority but you.


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## RegularJoe36 (Jun 11, 2012)

Here's an update on the situation.

My GF and I both exchanged text messages this morning, agreed to meet at a restaurant during lunch to talk (and not knowing exactly what to expect), and at lunch things immediately took a nosedive into old arguments. We parted ways and we each went back to work.

When I got home I wrote her a breakup e-mail and sent it off to her. I told her many things, and among them I told her that she "is not relationship material".

I got a call from her a couple of hours later (after she had read the email), and she was half regretful, crying & upset and half viciously argumentative. While she threw out a few nuggets of ways she was going to change/sacrifices she was going to make for the relationship, I did not fall for that because she could have easily brought those bits of info up earlier. It was too little, too late. Then after an hour's worth of ridiculous circular arguments about old issues, we got off the phone.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am not to have to worry about her anymore. I went into the living room, hugged my boys, breathed a huge sigh of relief, and laughed and hung out with them until bedtime.


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## bubba233 (Jun 14, 2012)

Congrats! moving on


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good for you brother! You sidestepped a tiger trap. This woman was playing you and stringing you along....blatantly.

Don't be surprised if six months or a year down the road, when she remembers why she broke up with her ex in the first place and kicks him to the curb, she'll be fishing for you with sweet e-mails and texts telling you how much she misses you and...boo hoo, what a mistake she made by letting you slip away.

Vomit.....


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Good for you, man!


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

RegularJoe36 said:


> Here's an update on the situation.
> 
> My GF and I both exchanged text messages this morning, agreed to meet at a restaurant during lunch to talk (and not knowing exactly what to expect), and at lunch things immediately took a nosedive into old arguments. We parted ways and we each went back to work.
> 
> ...


I think you did the right thing!! NO NEED to put with that nonsense!! If she wants the ex to stay, then she is the one shwoing her true colors and I wouldnt waste another minute or dollar! Been there, done that!! Good job!! :smthumbup:


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

RegularJoe36 said:


> Here's an update on the situation.
> 
> My GF and I both exchanged text messages this morning, agreed to meet at a restaurant during lunch to talk (and not knowing exactly what to expect), and at lunch things immediately took a nosedive into old arguments. We parted ways and we each went back to work.
> 
> ...


Good, move on!! But don't drag yourself into personal insults. Calling her "not relationship material" was cruel and uncalled for IMO. Obviously, you were angry from the last discussion you two had, Dignified silence is better in the long run. 

Good luck


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