# Hired a kick ass lawyer, now scared



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

And am now having even worse panic attacks. 

The last one was lame and just shuffled papers around and charged me for it. I think in some dysfunctional way I was ok with that.

Now that I have one that will get the separation going I am suddenly even more anxious and depressed. 

I don't know why, h's been so cruel, estranged me from the kids, been very spiteful in every way.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Happy for you! I know it must be hard for you if you are like me and dont like confrontations. Hope everything goes ok.

(English is my 2nd language, at first I thought kick ass lawyer meant a not good lawyer  ) 

(((hugs)))


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Good for you in getting a kickass lawyer!!!

I think you are panicking because you are not a confrontational person. What you are about to do goes against your nature. Let your attorney do the ass kicking. You get to just be yourself.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Scorched earth is the only way to go. Leave only severed heads on poles as a warning to the others. A fair fight is one where I win and your mamma cries. 

Just my thoughts on it.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

I've had anxiety attacks before. I have not had them for about a year till this past week I had some bad anxiety, not attacks, but not good. 

They are about fear usually. Anxiety/panic attacks usually have to do with our fears. For me, they can be about fear of losing things that are important to me...my marriage...they can also be about fear of myself. At one point, there was an OM and my wife had an EA. UPon discovering it I had a panic attack 18 months ago. The combination fo fear of losing her coupled with the hurt and betrayal...I wanted to hurt the OM. I started panicking. Fear was overwhelming. 

I had one about 9 months ago or so when I saw the OM once in a library. I tensed up and got into fight or flight mode unconsciously. I stared him down and he left. But as he was leaving images went though my mind...I didn't hurt him, but I wanted to. I am a pretty strong guy and know my capabilities. Anyway...the fight or flight mode...no release. I had no way to release all the bdily tension and it took me down fro three days. Bed ridden. Right after he left the tension in my body was at its height and I started breathing heavy and trying t call people...just fear...

I used to take an anti-dpressant for the anxiety but it is pretty much under control. This past week when I had some I used the tools I learned in therapy of looking what I am afraid of and trying to focus on that, trying to focus on why I am afraid, what it means, and what I can do to keep steady and not immobilized. It worked pretty well. I wish I had not had the new round, but it did not last long.

Anyhow, I've said too much. In any case, I certainly understand the anxiety. It is about fear. There are some coping mechanisms, but you need to start writing down what you are afraid of, what underlies the fear, the needs and such that you have that are affected, and begin to think about how holding on to whatever it is you are holding on to is harming you...Are you in therapy?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You hired him. You have to pay him. He works for you. Or her, as the case may be. 

You give the orders. He/she cannot do anything without your approval. You are in charge. Embrace the feelings of being in charge, and delegate as needed.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

They are only as aggressive as you want them to be. The way your mess has gone and as manipulative and hurtful as your stbx has been for so long you should just sit back take off the lawyers leash and let him run wild. As much as your stbx has stonewalled the whole divorce just let the lawyer do his/her thing, hard fast and painful for your ex. 

Your anxiety will go away once you start to see some results.


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