# I am very afraid of my husband-anyone who knows about steroids advice please!



## Trooper

I have posted before about my husband's erratic behavior and his steroid use, but I think it's worse and don't know what to do. 

I won't go into all the details, but Tuesday at 1:30 he texted me that he loved me. By 2:30 on Wednesday he was blowing up at me and screaming. At 3:30 he said he was sorry, hugged me and said we would get through it. He then took a nap and when he woke up around 5:00 he blew up bad. I was scared. He was screaming at me at the top of his lungs, calling me a Mother F***** and saying F this and F that. He was beet red and towering over me. He is 6'4" and played college football and lifts constantly and takes sterioids and for the first time I was really scared. His face contorted and he was so red and so loud, I had never seen anything like it. 

If anyone knows anything about steroids, is that the cause? This is what he takes:

1. Tev-Tropin (injected 1.5 ius 3 days on and one off)
2. Cyanocobal Amin - not sur of dose
3. CMP Stanozolol (50Mg/ML INJ - use 1 cc intramuscularly 3 times per week)
4. Omnitrope (Inject 1.5 units subcutaneously every day, M-F)
5. CMP Testosterone 20% cream - apply 2 grams to skin every day
6. Testosterone 200 Mg/ML cream - apply 2 ML topically every day. 

I don't know what any of this stuff is, but he's gotten much worse as he keeps taking more and more crap. 

Should I fear for my physical safety? 

Thanks for any help.


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## COGypsy

There are a LOT of things to be afraid of if your husband is using anabolic steroids. The effects on his overall health, behavior and the potential for future drug use are tremendous.

Research from the National Institute on Drug Abuse in one of the fact sheet reports (NIDA Research Report on Steroid Use states generally about behavioral effects: 

Case reports and small studies indicate that *anabolic steroids, when used in high doses, increase irritability and aggression. **Some steroid abusers report that they have committed aggressive acts, such as physical fighting or armed robbery, theft, vandalism, or burglary. Abusers who have committed aggressive acts or property crimes generally report that they engage in these behaviors more often when they take steroids than when they are drug free.* A recent study suggests that the mood and behavioral effects seen during anabolic-androgenic steroid abuse may result from secondary hormonal changes.

Scientists have attempted to test the association between anabolic steroids and aggression by administering high steroid doses or placebo for days or weeks to human volunteers and then asking the people to report on their behavioral symptoms. To date, four such studies have been conducted. In three, high steroid doses did produce greater feelings of irritability and aggression than did placebo, although the effects appear to be highly variable across individuals. In one study, the drugs did not have that effect. One possible explanation, according to the researchers, is that some but not all anabolic steroids increase irritability and aggression. Recent animal studies show an increase in aggression after steroid administration.

In a few controlled studies, aggression or adverse, overt behaviors resulting from the administration of anabolic steroid use have been reported by a minority of volunteers.

In summary, the extent to which steroid abuse contributes to violence and behavioral disorders is unknown. As with the health complications of steroid abuse, the prevalence of extreme cases of violence and behavioral disorders seems to be low, but it may be underreported or underrecognized.

Research also indicates that some users might turn to other drugs to alleviate some of the negative effects of anabolic steroids. For example, a study of 227 men admitted in 1999 to a private treatment center for addiction to heroin or other opioids found that 9.3 percent had abused anabolic steroids before trying any other illicit drug. Of these 9.3 percent, 86 percent first used opioids to counteract insomnia and irritability resulting from anabolic steroids.

***********************
So yeah---I'd be concerned about my safety around him....if for no other reason than he's clearly showing that he's less and less able to make healthy, rational choices and remain in control of himself.


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## Trooper

He keeps telling me there is no proof it causes violence, but he has actually been pulled over for road rage in the past, more than once. He was always very controlling and had a somewhat short temper, but I have never seen it like this. However, he will cite studies like one you mentioned that show no evidence of any connection and he tells me I am nuts. He says I have mental issues, not him, but I have never seen mood swings like this. I mean, how can you wake up pissed off when you went to sleep happy?


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## Jamison

Trooper said:


> He keeps telling me there is no proof it causes violence, but he has actually been pulled over for road rage in the past, more than once. He was always very controlling and had a somewhat short temper, but I have never seen it like this. However, he will cite studies like one you mentioned that show no evidence of any connection and he tells me I am nuts. He says I have mental issues, not him, but I have never seen mood swings like this. I mean, how can you wake up pissed off when you went to sleep happy?


Of course he is going to defend something he likes or enjoys doing, he is getting something from it. 

He can say all day long they don't cause this or that, but the truth is MOST any kind of things like that can cause anything. Different things effect people differently. For example, I had a friend who couldn't take a certain kind of sleeping pill, it made him do off the wall things and his behavior was very altered, I on the other hand could take the same kind of sleeping pill and it not effect me. IF its not those things he is taking thats causing him to act like that, then maybe he has some kind of Psychological issues going on. Bipolar, BPD, something is going on. Or maybe he doing/taking other kinds of things you know nothing of. Bottom line, his behavior seems unacceptable and dangerous. He also has to be careful what he mixes as well. One thing might be ok, but could counteract with another thing and then set him off. He is playing with fire no matter what he might be doing.


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## COGypsy

Actually, if you look at the second paragraph, it states that in 3 of the 4 studies where they were specifically looking for a relationship between aggression/irritability and steroids, they found it. It was at high doses and to varying degrees in each individual, but there. 
Based on this synopsis, I'd say the reports where the link is inconclusive, or low were in studies looking at other effects of steroid use, where behavioral effects may have been a noted side effect, a trend in the data, or an anecdotal report.

You could look at it this way, whether he's a juicer or an abuser, he's clearly a threat to your physical and emotional health. How much do the semantics of how and why really matter when it comes down to the real question: 

What are you going to do to keep yourself safe and healthy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal

I believe it absolutely can cause agression/irritability. I'm married to an officer and steroid use is a problem sometimes within the department (not my dh). They fire officers if they are caught using them in a nano second. 

Regardless of the source he sounds scary and yes you need to make plans to be safe.


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## 827Aug

I'd say you've got a mess on your hands. With that combination, I'm honestly not surprised at his irrational behavior. We've all heard of "roid rage", haven't we? That's what you've got.

Items #1 & #4 are intended for children human growth hormone deficiency. Who knows what effect that will have on an adult human.

Item #2 is a prescription strength vitamin B-12 supplement.

Item #3 is the anabolic steroid. I have seen horses on steroids like this one back in the day before it was banned from the show ring. It really bulked a halter horse up and they had a nasty disposition. It's interesting Law and Order (SVU) had an episode dealing with this subject--specifically a teenage boy got into dad's stash.

Items #5 & #6 are testosterone 

I find it interesting that he is taking an anabolic steroid and the testosterone. Over time an anabolic steroid actually causes decreased testosterone production. 

Your local pharmacist could be very helpful on this subject matter--and could take the dosage levels into account. And probably also provide you with more detailed reading material.


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## CallaLily

Until he can get off of this stuff and get some kind of help, this is the way things will probably continue for you. 

You need to think about whats best for you. This isn't a healthy situation right now. Your best bet too, isn't to try to talk him into or out of things either, it may just fuel his anger. Do not get into some kind of conversation with him on whether what he is taking is harmful or not, he is gonna defend what it is he likes, and thats what he is doing. Its no different than someone who is a drug addict or alcoholic.


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## Therealbrighteyes

If he doesn't think Roid Rage exists, he needs to read the transcripts of the Barry Bonds trial where he threatened his mistress saying he was going to cut out her breast implants because "he" paid for them. He also threatened her life repeatedly.


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## Trooper

Thanks everyone. 827Aug thanks especially for breaking it down for me. I see a therapist, mainly for how to deal with this situation. It was originally supposed to be for marriage counseling but he wouldn't go because he said the therapist and I would "gang up" on him. I think he is very paranoid. From what I have told her she also says he could be bipolar, but of course can't confirm as he won't see her, but Jamison I think you hit the nail on the head. Personally I think he is bipolar and between that and the steroids, human growth hormone, testosterone, etc. he is a mess. He just added the B-12 withing the last month and I have noticed he is much worse. Not sure if it's from that but I guess it doesn't really matter. 

I have decided to start shopping for a good divorce attorney; he has been this way for several years now and it's just getting worse. I had hoped for a very long time that he would get help but it's clear he won't and I have become his emotional punching bag and don't want to become his physical one too. 

Thanks everyone.


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## Trooper

Brennan - just saw your post - that is truly scary. 

I think it helps me realize I need to leave, but it is truly sad that someone could fix this situation but won't. 

He also keeps a baseball bat under the bed, supposedly for intruders, but I guess that has really started to scare me.


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## sisters359

First, do not second-guess yourself. You are afraid of your husband. Trust yourself--you have good reason. 

Please make sure you and your children are safe. Both his behavior and his words are abusive--he screams, calls names, and then tells you it is YOU that has the problem. Yes, you do have a problem: him. 

You need to be very careful, given how enraged and unpredictable he has been lately. I agree that you should NOT try to have any further conversations but should consider simply leaving with the kids to a safe place (preferably, not the home of anyone he knows you know; it could put all of you in danger) get further advice from an attorney. Be honest. Do not try to protect him--if he is under the care of a physician, the doctor should know what you are seeing. If not, then he is engaged in illegal behavior and your futures are at stake financially. If he commits a crime (not out of the question, since he's been pulled over already for road rage), you could lose everything.

It is time to move past being afraid of him and take action. If he does not come to his senses and stop the steroid use AND get help (he may be emotionally unstable without the steroids and you just tolerated it), then you know he is either too mentally ill or too selfish to be a good partner. It is NOT your fault that you are scared of him. Do not let him convince you that YOU are the problem here. Screaming at someone is not normal, getting pulled over for road rage is not normal. A lot of how he behaves is not normal. Remember that and do the right thing for yourself and your kids.


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## Trooper

I guess I am actually scared he may get worse if I file for divorce. I know it will be very nasty. 

As I posted on the men's clubhouse, he once drove home at 10:00 in the morning, pulled in the driveway like a maniac, ran in the house and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so bad (we had a huge argument the night before). He told me to clean out my car to get ready to turn it in and that we would lose the house. He was screaming and red in the face and shaking and I just started to cry. He said it was all my fault because I stressed him out and he couldn't keep working. He then ran out of the house and left and I cried and called a friend and my brother and was so upset. I didn't know where I would go, I had just lost my job 6 months earlier (this happened a little over a year ago). Finally about 2-3 hours later I called him crying my eyes out and asked him what we were going to do and why he would quit a great job and he told me "oh I didn't really quit, I just did that to show you what could happen if you keep stressing me out." 

I guess I don't need to say more. Sounds stupid, but I didn't realize that was emotional abuse.


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## CrystalPalace

This sounds like an extraordinarily emotionally abusive relationship. I'm surprised that your therapist lets it continue. Might I suggest you seek another therapist?


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## Therealbrighteyes

Trooper said:


> I guess I am actually scared he may get worse if I file for divorce. I know it will be very nasty.
> 
> As I posted on the men's clubhouse, he once drove home at 10:00 in the morning, pulled in the driveway like a maniac, ran in the house and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so bad (we had a huge argument the night before). He told me to clean out my car to get ready to turn it in and that we would lose the house. He was screaming and red in the face and shaking and I just started to cry. He said it was all my fault because I stressed him out and he couldn't keep working. He then ran out of the house and left and I cried and called a friend and my brother and was so upset. I didn't know where I would go, I had just lost my job 6 months earlier (this happened a little over a year ago). Finally about 2-3 hours later I called him crying my eyes out and asked him what we were going to do and why he would quit a great job and he told me "oh I didn't really quit, I just did that to show you what could happen if you keep stressing me out."
> 
> I guess I don't need to say more. Sounds stupid, but I didn't realize that was emotional abuse.


My ex-bf was a juicer. Total psycho. First comes the emotional abuse, the torture and the making it all your fault. Next comes physical assault. Him telling you that he didn't really quit his job but it was a "warning" of sorts to you if you press the issue is him ratcheting up his game plan. Mark my words and listen carefully, next will come him hitting you and saying you pissed him off so it is okay. Get out and get out now. Just leave. Go to your brother or your parents or your friend, anybody. 
I used to think by former bf was that way because of roids, turns out he was just an a$$hole who was worse when on drugs. I doubt your husband is any different. They never change, they only change you.

Wanted to add, file an RO against him. He is erratic and terrifying. You have the legal right to protect yourself. If you don't know how to go about doing this or cannot afford an attorney, contact Legal Aid. There is one in every major city. They can help you get out.


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## Trooper

Thanks - I do think he has serious mental issues that are made worse by the steroids. I do notice that whenever he does something horrible to me he later apologizes and then comes the "but" - but you stressed me out so bad, but you pushed me to the point of breaking, but your behavior was wrong, but you didn't get ready fast enough, but you didn't buy what I wanted...etc. The excuses never end. He is always sorry, but then goes on to explain how his anger was still all my fault. 

Last night he called me on his way home from work like nothing happened and asked what I was doing and if I wanted to go out for dinner! No apology, no mention of his blowing up and terrifying me the night before - I mean it's just totally baffling to me. I guess there is no way to figure it out. 

My therapist does think I should leave, but I have been the one resisting and holding out hoping it would get better. When things get really bad he will then try to improve and things will be better for a few weeks or a month so I then get my hopes up, but then it all falls apart again. I have just been too reluctant to leave, with my unrealistic hope.


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## COGypsy

Trooper said:


> He just added the B-12 withing the last month and I have noticed he is much worse. Not sure if it's from that but I guess it doesn't really matter.
> 
> I have decided to start shopping for a good divorce attorney; he has been this way for several years now and it's just getting worse. I had hoped for a very long time that he would get help but it's clear he won't and I have become his emotional punching bag and don't want to become his physical one too.
> 
> Thanks everyone.


He may seem worse with the B12 because it often acts as a stimulant--it's a main ingredient in all of the Red Bull/Rock Star/Monster energy drinks. I can tell you from experience as well--I've been taking the bioavailable form of B-12 for the last month as part of my medication regimen for some depression I've had and I thought I'd up my dose after about 3 weeks and see if that was any more effective, so I took two pills one morning instead of one. It sucked. Sucked. Within half an hour I was nauseated, I could feel my eyeballs, couldn't sit still, had an elevated heart rate every time I moved--I mean like walked to the restroom moved....it was crazy. And I'm not at all sensitive to stimulants, I'm one of those people that drinks regular coffee with dessert and is fine for bed, you know? It was amazing how that stuff wired me. And not in a good way! And that was 1600 mcg of B-12 folate as 5-MTHF, not an injectable or anything...

So that could definitely be a factor in escalating his behaviors...

Another thing that I would say is that in my opinion, whether his problem is drug addiction, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder or just chronic a$$hole disease--I frankly believe it doesn't mean poop. The fact is, he's not willing to address it. That may be sad and unfortunate, but what you have to think about is you at this point.

I think you're on the right track with finding a good divorce attorney, but I would have one other suggestion for you as well. It sounds like leaving this relationship could be extremely high risk for you. I would contact the domestic violence agency in your area and get their advice on the best way to handle this process, safety planning, etc. If you don't know how to find them or contact them, PM me and I'll help you find one.

Good luck with all of this, I know it's a hard decision to make and a really frightening situation to be in.


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## wanttobehappy56

He'll admit to being wrong, and then add a "but" to it. That's not an apology, that's the blame game, and it never works. Love yourself more than this, respect yourself more than this. HE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON.

You didn't make him do or say anything, he choose to act this way, and you choose to take responsibility for what HE DID. That is insanity, pure and simple. Take the advice of the board, get out, don't tell him why, don't tell him where you go. If he is going to change his behavior, HE HAS TO DO IT WITHOUT YOU. 

In fact, you telling him to change, is probably the worst thing you can do to help him or yourself.


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## Jellybeans

Trooper said:


> I guess I am actually scared he may get worse if I file for divorce. I know it will be very nasty.
> 
> As I posted on the men's clubhouse, he once drove home at 10:00 in the morning, pulled in the driveway like a maniac, ran in the house and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so bad (we had a huge argument the night before). He told me to clean out my car to get ready to turn it in and that we would lose the house. He was screaming and red in the face and shaking and I just started to cry. He said it was all my fault because I stressed him out and he couldn't keep working. He then ran out of the house and left and I cried and called a friend and my brother and was so upset. I didn't know where I would go, I had just lost my job 6 months earlier (this happened a little over a year ago). Finally about 2-3 hours later I called him crying my eyes out and asked him what we were going to do and why he would quit a great job and he told me* "oh I didn't really quit, I just did that to show you what could happen if you keep stressing me out." *I guess I don't need to say more. Sounds stupid, but I didn't realize that was emotional abuse.


TOTALLY emotionally abusive. Roid rage is no joke. Be careful with this one. Get out. It's not ok he treats you like this.


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## Jellybeans

wanttobehappy56 said:


> He'll admit to being wrong, and then add a "but" to it. *That's not an apology, that's the blame game, and it never works. * Love yourself more than this, respect yourself more than this. HE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON.
> 
> *You didn't make him do or say anything, he choose to act this way, and you choose to take responsibility for what HE DID. *


This is my ex-husband to a T. 

They never ever accept fault for what they've done. They are totally blameless and have to deflect "you made me do this" ... "I only did that because you..." "I wouldn't have done that if you just would have..." It's classic abusive BS lines. It's everyone's fault BUT their's. It's sick.


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## Trooper

I just saw my therapist today and she also emphasized the need to keep 911 on my speed dial, have a safe place to go to (I do) and to be aware of his moods at all times since, as she said, I know them pretty well and can see when a blow up is coming. 

I guess I have known for a while that he does have issues, and he is blaming me for everything. He never does accept that anything was his fault or his responsibility, it is always me or someone at work or someone in his family. As I think about it I don't think he has taken responsibility for anything he's done in at least the last 4 or 5 years. He also routinely pisses off everyone where he works and as a result has to leave every job after 2-3 years before they fire him. 

I just don't know why I put up with it for so long. I don't know why I never saw it for what it was, emotional abuse. My therapist said he is a master manipulator and it has obviously worked on me very well. I just feel like I spent so long trying and hoping and think what a waste of time it all was. And in the process I sometimes feel like I have lost my sense of what is normal. People like him take so much from you.


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## Trooper

CoGypsy - thanks for sharing the B-12 information. I swear he's much worse since he started it but didn't think it could do anything like that. He always got up early but now he's up by 5 or 5:30 even on weekends and had begun telling me I am lazy, I sleep too much, etc. so now he just has one more thing to complain about and he is always hyper, but this is worse. I can't even stand being around him sometimes and when he starts screaming it's worse than it used to be. 

I just had no idea that B-12 could do this. He can actually stay up for 30 or more hours and I find that very disturbing.


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## COGypsy

Trooper said:


> CoGypsy - thanks for sharing the B-12 information. I swear he's much worse since he started it but didn't think it could do anything like that. He always got up early but now he's up by 5 or 5:30 even on weekends and had begun telling me I am lazy, I sleep too much, etc. so now he just has one more thing to complain about and he is always hyper, but this is worse. I can't even stand being around him sometimes and when he starts screaming it's worse than it used to be.
> 
> I just had no idea that B-12 could do this. He can actually stay up for 30 or more hours and I find that very disturbing.


I'm not sure that B-12 is quite _that_ stimulating--it sounds like he does have a lot of issues going on. But like I said, there's just not a lot of point in armchair quarterbacking it all--the important thing to do is to make a plan for you to leave and leave safely and frankly--to do it soon. If he's not sleeping for days at a time, then he can become even more unpredictable and in some cases to the point of clinical psychosis. 

I think it really is just time to make your exit---there's not anything that you can do to change him and your safety is paramount, particularly in light of his escalating behavior.


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## Trooper

I guess what I realize the most, and didn't get for years, is that I cannot will him to change. Only he can decide to change. I have no power over him, only over me. I have decided to file for divorce. I know it may get even worse, but I have discussed it with my therapist and will talk to an attorney next week so I am setting up my plan before he knows about it so that I stay safe. 

Thanks everyone for your advice. It is just so sad because despite all this horrible behavior I remember what he used to be like and I know that he has the capacity to be a good person. Unfortunately, he has chosen another path.


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## wanttobehappy56

Trooper said:


> *It is just so sad because despite all this horrible behavior I remember what he used to be like and I know that he has the capacity to be a good person. Unfortunately, he has chosen another path*.


Yep, that's the hard part. I'm going through the same type of feelings over my wife right now. I know she is a better person than what she has portrayed over the last month, but she has to go out on her own now, and figure out what she wants.


It scares me leaving her by herself, and her child, fearing she'll just make her life worse by repeating her past behaviors. But that's her life, I have to live my own.

Can't save the ones who don't want to be saved.


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## Trooper

Wanttobehappy - how do you deal with the sadness? We now live in the same house and don't speak to each other or stay in the same room. 

He didn't speak to me all day yesterday and then called me on his way home from work like nothing happened and asked me if I wanted to go out to eat! That's his typical way of dealing with his blowups - pretend like nothing happened the day before and not deal with the elephant in the room. I broke from the typical pattern by saying no I did not want to go out and he's said nothing to me since and I don't have anything to say to him. Is it better to just keep silent? 

I am afraid if I talk to him at all it will end in a power struggle, like we used to do. Me trying to show him how he treated me badly and him telling me how it was actually my fault. He never understands or sees the affect on me, it's always my fault and all about how I did something awful to him. Then we start screaming again and then I eventually back down. Over and over. So is it best to just keep silent? 

It is just so lonely being in the same house with someone you love but can't live with. I just don't know how to deal with this situation.


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## Cadmus

I have some knowledge of the compounds listed. It's possible he's not using them all concurrently, more like 1 of the HGH, and 1 of the test creams with the Stanzolol. 

Roid Rage is actually a sort of a misnomer. What taking test does is just increase what might already be a personality trait. So yes I would be careful. I didn't see anywhere listed a compound to help regulate his hormones back to normal when he stops taking them. I wouldn't expect him to take any of those things for more than 12 weeks at max, 8 if he's smart... that being relative.

If he's "on cycle" he will definitely exhibit more acute behaviors like you are describing if that is in anyway an accurate description of his normal actions. Unregulated hormones coupled with mental issues is a volatile concoction.


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## Jellybeans

Trooper said:


> He didn't speak to me all day yesterday and then called me on his way home from work like nothing happened and asked me if I wanted to go out to eat! That's his typical way of dealing with his blowups - pretend like nothing happened the day before and not deal with the elephant in the room. I broke from the typical pattern by saying no I did not want to go out and he's said nothing to me since and I don't have anything to say to him. * Is it better to just keep silent?*


Living your life in silence so as not to upset your verbally abusive angry husband isn't a healthy way to go.


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## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Living your life in silence so as not to upset your verbally abusive angry husband isn't a healthy way to go.


No, but if you're biding your time to get things arranged for an exit, it's a much safer way--


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## turnera

Have you read this book? Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men

It's kind of like the bible for women in abusive situations. Please read it this week.


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