# Family won't accept new boyfriend



## rach750 (Oct 14, 2010)

Let me start by saying that I am 30. I just ended a long term relationship of 8 years to be with someone else. I have known him for two years and have had strong feelings for him for a long time. I was engaged to my ex but just couldn't go through with the marriage because of this other guy. The switch was very fast, one week living with my ex, the next week I moved in with my new boyfriend. The problem is that it has been 6 months already and my family will not accept my new boyfriend. They blame me for all the problems in my previous relationship and they want me to go back to him. I am very happy now, my new boyfriend treats me great, we never fight, everything is good, we want to get married one day. My family does not like him, mainly because he has been married twice before and has kids, (he is 36) he also doesn't make nearly as much money as my ex did. I have never been married and i do not have any children. I can not even talk to my parents about him, they end the conversation immediately. They won't even give him a chance. I expected some resistance at first but I never thought that after 6 months they would still disapprove. Its almost like they would rather see me miserable with my ex than happy in my new relationship. This has destroyed the relationship I had with my parents. I feel like I need to choose between my boyfriend or my family. I feel like I have tried everything to get them to understand. I don't know what to do anymore.

Help!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

My parents are more open, but not by much. There were several years between my ex and my boyfriend, though, and my parents absolutely hated my ex. 

It's hard to tell you the best way to handle this though. On one hand, not discussing your boyfriend with them anymore is one solution. But it doesn't really solve anything, and it leads to other issues. 

But talking to them about him leaves you where you are now. Which is no good. And to cut off ties with them is probably not something you want. 

Have you tried sitting down with them and simply explaining to them how unhappy you were with your ex, how happy you are now, and how they are making you feel? 

You also need to keep in mind that the suddenness of the change might be part of this too. They are probably worried that you made an impulsive decision, or that this guy somehow forced or enticed you to leave your ex, that he is using you or who knows what other worries they might have. 

Lastly, consider the possibility that they see something you don't. Perhaps there is something about him that isn't so great, and you're still in the honeymoon stage and not seeing it.


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

it sounds like you were pretty unfair to your fiancee..? is that possible? you were with him 8 yrs, engaged, then the next week you suddenly move in w/ other man?

in all honesty, it sounds like your unaware of how badly you treated him- have you considered this?

your own personal happiness is not the only thing to look at in other words. It must have been devastating to him, if its the way I am understanding your post


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I guess what's done is done and you have to live with that.

Part of that is your parent's displeasure and the only thing you can do is to have a good relationship with your current boyfriend.

When my brother-in-law divorced his wife for a younger woman, no one really liked her but she turned out to be a good match for him and a good partner and was accepted for this.


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## rach750 (Oct 14, 2010)

Unfortunately I live out of state so sitting down with my parents isn't really an option right now. They knew about issues with my ex and that I wasn't exactly ready to get married. My parents have been together since they were teenagers. They believe any relationship problem can be fixed with counseling. I did try to explain to them for about a year that I was unhappy in my relationship, I guess I was looking for support or the ok or even the advise on what to do. But all that was said was go see a counselor. Yes I'm sure this move was a big shock to them it did happen very fast. But they did know that I had feelings for this other person for a long time. They were against him from the very start. Even when we were just friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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