# A beginner's guide to male dominance



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

So I found this blog on the internet called the Red Pill Room. It basically talks about man issues in what they call the manosphere. It's all about manning up, becoming more alpha, and dominant. It's a great source for any guy that wants to better their relationship. Below is one of the articles I found enlightening.


The Red Pill Room: Male Dominance: A Beginner's Guide

"There has been a recent stirring in the Manosphere about the subject of Male Dominance within a relationship, with outstanding contributions to the subject being penned by no less than a laconic Heartiste (Roissy), Badger, and The Private Man all in one day. I feel encouraged by this, as dominance within your relationship is one of the cornerstone's of Game, both Singe and Married varieties.


But this comment at the Chateaue caught my attention:


[email protected] about some examples of how to ramp up the dominance? I mean how do you actually dominate?


Well . . . okay.

I'm going to cover a few basics, a kind of Beginner's Guide to Male Dominance, because as the posts above reiterate, even the desire for dominance has been punished in men for the last 40 years even as women have silently begged for it in their failing relationships. Men, as TPM lays out for us, have grown up a lot like this:

1. A man is born into this world and into a female dominated household. His mother is either single or is the dominant adult in the family. 

2. His formative years are spent trying to appease mother and his always-female teachers. Masculine dominance is viewed by a feminized society as dangerous so through propaganda and/or drugs, the young fellow is controlled and forced into non-masculine behaviors and characteristics. There are no strong male figures in his life to balance this. 

3. Puberty hits, he treats the girls around him just as he treated his mother and his female teachers. He subordinates himself to them. There are still no strong male figures in his life to instruct him in the ways of girls. 

4. His adult sexual and romantic life is frustrating, confusing, and completely unfulfilled. Of course, if he discovers the Manosphere, he might learn the truth about women and turn things around. 

With so many guys not understanding that women want to be dominated, is it any wonder why 50 Shades of Gray is currently the most widely read book in the English language?


Oh, sure, the Alphas already know all this **** -- this is their bread and butter. But for the rest of you, here's a few handy tips about how to be more dominant in your relationship if the taste of the Red Pill is new and strange on your tongue.

1. Be physically dominant.

More than likely, you are taller than the woman you are with. Women are naturally attracted to taller men -- men taller than they are -- and height is the absolute #1 thing women find attractive. "Tall Dark and Handsome" starts with the "tall". If you are not taller than your woman, then you are going to have a harder time making this pay off. Not impossible, but certainly more challenging.

But height alone isn't enough -- too many tall Betas have a kind of "Beta slouch" that they develop as they try to make themselves less threatening and intimidating, under the mistaken Blue Pill idea that women are attracted to non-threatening, unintimidating men. Instead of slouching, stand up straight, as if a string was pulling you up to the sky from the top of your head. Yes, you won't be as "eye level" and "equal" as your woman . . . and her panties will dampen as a result. 

Next, keep your shoulders back. Imagine that you are walking in the dark, and you have two headlights on your nipples that have to be prominently displayed in order for you to move around. That shows off your chest, shoulders, and arms, all good zones for attracting and keeping female attention. Whatever you do, don't slouch.

Have a hard time figuring out what to do with your hands? Pick a spot and keep them there. Put them behind your back ("parade rest") to push out your manly chest. Put them in your pockets to demonstrate a casual demeanor even as you dominate the room. But don't use them to talk with. Quick and jerky hand gesticulations are not dominant. Slow, deliberate actions are. And eye contact...there are plenty of blogs that tell you how to handle that, depending on the situation. 

In addition, ensure that you are always being physically dominant in relation to her. Grab her hand to lead her through a crowd. Use her elbow to steer her gently at parties. Put a possessive hand on her arm, her shoulder, or (most Alpha) the back of her neck. Loom ominously over her shoulder. But always ensure that it's YOU who is controlling the action.


2. Be verbally dominant.

This is harder than not talking with your hands. It's mostly not talking. 

Women talk -- the entire Female Social Network is utterly dependent upon communication, and women have a hard time knowing what they feel until they actually tell someone about it. (I can relate, actually: sometimes I don't know how I feel about something until I write about it.) And even though you're a dude, you like to talk, too...just about different subjects than she does. 

The problem is that talking too much is too much Beta for most women. Women don't find a man who talks a lot appealing unless he's brimming with Charisma and knows how to entertain when he speaks. The reason that the "strong, silent type" creates such a condensation problem in panties is because of the silent, as much as the strong. Laconic men seem more serious to a woman, and when you think about our prehistoric forebears, there are good reasons for this. The "strong silent types" would have been superior hunters to the "chatty, whimsical type", and therefore better providers.

But it goes beyond this. When men associate together, their patterns of socialization and speech are very different from when there is a woman present, and even in mixed company their verbal patterns tend to be different than women. With a female audience the men are all subconsciously competing for attention and interest, and are therefore interested in Demonstrating High Value whether they realize it or not. Since women respond better to men who are well-respected, and therefore highly positioned within the Male Social Matrix, then a good DHV is...being a man of few, well-chosen words. The "talkative" guy in the group is almost always on the lower side of the Male Social Matrix, whereas the AMOG tends to be the one who commands respect and deference without speaking too much. 

But when you do talk, how you talk is very important. 

First, wait a moment before speaking -- don't interrupt, that's rude in the MSM (although it's a perfectly acceptable dominance skill in the FSM). Pausing a moment before you speak not only makes you look thoughtful and deliberate, it ensures that the other person (say, your wife) is done speaking. Looking thoughtful and deliberate is Alpha. Looking insistent and argumentative is Beta. 

Second, save interruptions of your wife's speaking only for situations when it is important for you to establish dominance. Let her have her say, and then make quite certain that she's done speaking...unless what she's saying is a direct **** Test, Hamsterbation, attack on your masculinity or other feminine wile. Then it's acceptable to interrupt her. Since she understands at a basic level that interrupting is acceptable for women but not men, the fact that you are doing it is a message in itself: I feel strongly enough about this to violate my own gender's customs and express my dominance over your train of thought.

Third, maintain eye contact with her while you speak and while she speaks, and don't let your gaze shift about aimlessly. That's a very intimidating move, one that is pure Alpha. It should make her uncomfortable enough so that she starts dropping her gaze automatically. (Mrs. Ironwood likes long car trips for just that reason -- she can discuss just about any aspect of our relationship without being subjected to the Eyes, since we're sitting side by side and someone is driving.) 

Fourth, speak slowly and quietly, so she has to lean in to hear you clearly. Keep your tone even, especially if the emotional content of the conversation has gotten too high. That establishes that you are In Control, not acting out of emotion but out of reason, and it puts your words in sharp contrast to her increasingly shrill tone in the case of an argument. It has been noted elsewhere how speaking quietly to a woman but using harsh words and even profanity if warranted is a strong Alpha move, while whining, interrupting, and raising your tone over hers unecessarily is pure Beta.

Fifth, be thoughtful of your word choice when speaking. Make sure to take the Alpha lead in speech by saying what you will do, and then inviting her along -- not proposing a potential course of mutual action. 

It's not "I dunno, where do you want to eat?", it's "I'm hungry for Mexican. Unless you object strenuously, let's eat at El Diablo's." 

It's not "Can I bring you a cup of coffee?" it's "I'm getting a cup of coffee, you want to come along?"

It's not "do you think we should paint the hallway this weekend?" it's "I'm going to paint the hallway this weekend. Stop by the paint store on your way home and pick out the color you want. Interior paint, water-based not oil based, and call me if you have any questions."

It's not "So...do you want to have sex tonight?" it's "I'm hornier than a three-balled tomcat...figure out which position you want to start off in and I'll get a running start on the foreplay."


See? You lead with your words. You don't ask permission, except in very specific circumstances. You tell her what you are doing, and then leave the decision to follow up to her. If she objects you can discuss it, but not having a plan, or leaving the planning to her, or being weak-willed in how you execute your plan, or even indecisive as you speak to her about your plan, all of that is Beta. Knowing what you are going to do and then communicating that clearly to her is Alpha.

3. Be socially dominant.

Men often forget that women see everything in terms of the Matrix -- we're so focused on our individual achievement that we often overlook opportunities for displaying dominance in social situations. But when she sees you in charge of a big non-profit event, or focused on getting the Cub Scout parade float organized, or being honored by your church for your outreach activities, or seeing you boss around the volunteers at this year's PTA auction, she gets a big shot of Happy Panties, because she reaps the benefits of your social dominance. Since she most likely doesn't see you at work, where you may or may not be able to demonstrate your dominance, your role in the community can play a big part in her up-rating your Sex Rank in her subconscious. 

If you want to be dominant, then you have to assert that dominance everywhere, not just at home. If doing so at work is difficult or impossible, then community organizations are the next best thing. 

Plus, this gives you a great opportunity to display Social Proof and attract a little Preselective attention. A couple of horny divorcees on the Decorating Committee overheard talking about how they wouldn't mind stealing you away if your wife isn't careful isn't going to hurt, either. Be charming, be lightly flirtatious, Game the hell out of them...but do it in a way that establishes your dominance over them in front of your wife.



4. Be visibly dominant.

This goes beyond your mannerisms and the amount of space you take up -- this has to do with your wardrobe and presentation. When you slob out for no better reason than you don't have any reason to dress up, you're coming across as pure Beta to her. When you make an effort - even when she's the only one you're going to impress - that's Alpha. That means paying attention to your facial hair, haircut, nails, shoes, belt, clothes, and accessories.

It also means walking out front. If you want to be seen as a leader...LEAD, for real. Walk slightly in front of her in most situations, offering your arm if appropriate (exception: at a restaurant when you are being led to the table by a hostess, it's proper to let your wife lead. At seat-yourself restaurants, you should lead). 

If you're in a group, be toward the front of the group, not the rear. If you are in a casual cluster of other people then take a prominent position within the group where everyone can see you. And then quit worrying that everyone can see you. If your fly is down, let them assume that the Tiger is just too wild to keep in the cage, or something like that, and move on. Alphas don't fret.

5. Be situationally dominant.

Nothing can blow your accumulated Alpha street-cred with your bride like the dumb look on your face when you are confronted with a problem you can't handle. The opportunity to demonstrate your high value through a display of your competence in handling a challenging situation is high Alpha.

Of course no one is skilled and knowledgeable in everything, but if you have a specialty, then don't be afraid to assert your dominance through your knowledge and expertise. The classic example of this of course is bribing the host or hostess of a restaurant to get a better table. Of course this classic example has been lampooned so many times over the years I don't really encourage this unless you know what the hell you're doing.

An example: my brother Andy Ironwood never goes anywhere without a screwdriver in his pocket. The number of times that something mechanical has come up suddenly and unexpectedly, and he's whipped out that screwdriver and used it to great effect, establishes him as Alpha when it comes to his competence and preparedness. He is displaying situational dominance.

Another: A friend of mine was recently stuck at an airport on the other side of the country with his wife when their flight got cancelled. He stepped up and took control of the situation and handled it without troubling his wife or inviting her participation in the decision making process. Instead of standing there, a leaf on the winds of fate, he took command of the situation and established himself as Alpha by whipping out his credit card, making a few calls, and handling it. I'm hoping he got righteously laid for his situational dominance.

Another classic: changing a flat tire. Nothing dries panties more than you looking helpless in the face of a flat. Mrs. Ironwood and I were once on our way to a wedding, dressed formally, when we had a blowout. Thankfully, I was a Boy Scout and was prepared for the situation. I got out of the car, removed the tire-changing stuff from the trunk, and changed the tire so quickly that Mrs. I didn't even realize it (she was still on hold with AAA) until I put the car into gear and drove. Elapsed time: 7 minutes. Not quite NASCAR standards, but considering I was in a suit and it was raining, that doesn't suck (and righteously laying occurred as a result).

Being situationally dominant often requires you to think ahead and prepare for adversity and unknown challenges. My personal symbol of the importance of being situationally dominant is the pocket knife and LED flashlight I carry around all the time. It's not a screwdriver, but when something needs cuttin', whipping out a knife and hacking at it is Alpha. Asking another dude if they have a knife is Beta. Being able to see under the couch to establish the location of a precious child's toy is Alpha. Feeling around blindly and finally having to move the couch because you couldn't see is also Alpha (unless you are physically unable to move the couch, then it's Beta), but it's not nearly as Alpha as successfully retrieving the toy.

6. Be sexually dominant.

This is a hard one for most men new to the Red Pill, because they've been trained over the years to shy away from sexual dominance in a relationship (in a one-night-stand they're more willing to try). But establishing your dominance in the bedroom is vital. We're not talking whips-and-chains, BDSM stuff here (unless that's already part of your sex life), we're talking about how you approach initiating and having sex. And this is where **** gets real.

The key to the Red Pill is dominance, and the metric used to gauge success is sexual. Working on your Alpha all week and then going Beta in the boudoirs is what the experts call "failing to close", and it kills all your other Alpha stock. So don't fail to close. If you have created sufficient opportunity, and you have laid the Alpha groundwork, she should be willing to fall back with her legs spread at the slightest push. If she doesn't, and there isn't a compelling medical reason, you have a problem.

You see, as is becoming widely known in the Manosphere, female sexuality is responsive in nature. If you give out all the right Alpha displays and then make an aggressive close and she still fails to respond eagerly, there is something else going on, something you need to discover. It might just be a **** test, it might be a lack of interest, it might be a raging yeast infection...but part of being sexually dominant is not going to sleep sexually frustrated without a damn good reason. 

That doesn't mean you need to demand sex. That's domineering, not dominant. If you have to demand, you've already lost.

But it does mean that you clearly state and restate the expectation of sex to your wife, so that there is no chance of "missed communications" or "mixed signals". A simple kiss and "I can't wait to get into your pants tonight!" in the morning sets the stage. A text message at noon saying "Thinking about you...and your ladyparts" reaffirms it. Saying "I love you -- and tonight I'll love you until you can't walk straight" during your afternoon phone call clubs the message over the head and drags it back to its cave. And putting "Pleasure Husband 9:30-11:00 pm" on her Google calendar gives her no room for misunderstanding. 

Just make sure it's not the calendar her co-workers have access to. Don't ask why, but let me assure you that can be awkward.

And once you do get her there...screw her hard. One of the best pieces of advice from Roissy's essential 16 Commandments of Poon is **** Her Good. A less-than-stellar performance in the bedroom is going to undermine everything else Alpha you've done. It doesn't even matter as much that she achieves orgasm, as long as you're wildly enthusiastic about the fact that you are having sex with her. (Note "with her"). Call her name a few times, use some rough language, pull some hair, don't be afraid to manhandle her a little, but demonstrate to her that you are erotically and aggressively invested in the act, and she'll love it. Going Conan on her ass is pure Alpha.

So is being able to go the distance. If she doesn't cum, for whatever reason, then the proper response post-coitus is "let's make out for ten minutes, and then I'm going to back over it until you're happy. Really happy. Like, 'ohmygod, why are you limping so badly and smiling so brightly?' happy." THAT'S hardcore Alpha.


There you go, a Beginner's Guide to male dominance in a relationship. Some of these things might not work for you, but some of them will. They can't help but work, as long as your woman isn't Bat**** Crazy or has an artificially depressed libido. But you have to do the work and really commit to accepting your own dominance. 


Remember: if she has to ask you to lead, you've already lost. You don't need her permission to lead, you need her acceptance of your leadership. And as long as you are utterly unambiguous about your expectations, she should be utterly happy to submit to it."


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Sometimes I feel really bad for men. I'm exhausted after reading all of that much less thinking about it all the time. Right now I'm glad I'm a woman, doesn't seem to have as many rules.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I think if a guy just starts thinking and living like that, it becomes automatic.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

*Adex, does this describe how you grew up?*



> 1. A man is born into this world and into a female dominated household. His mother is either single or is the dominant adult in the family.
> 
> 2. His formative years are spent trying to appease mother and his always-female teachers. Masculine dominance is viewed by a feminized society as dangerous so through propaganda and/or drugs, the young fellow is controlled and forced into non-masculine behaviors and characteristics. There are no strong male figures in his life to balance this.
> 
> ...


I am curious as to why I see so many posts from you about being Alpha and dominant.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

No it doesn't describe me. However, every man could use a little alpha. Those guys on that website just have it figured out, and it's a great help to those that might not.

Of course, those in the female social matrix may not understand these type of views. It's a given.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

The Red Pill Room: The Masculexicon

Definitions of the terms they use. I like a lot of them as they make sense. Below are my favorites.

""Attention *****"

A woman who receives an emotional charge (Dopamine) from being the center of attention, particularly male attention. Often these women strongly object to their mate's attention going anywhere but on her, and as a result they frequently manufacture one "crisis" after another to invite repeated attention-laden rescues. Attention *****s often attract White Knights into their dysfunctional webs.

Blue Pill

The subconscious pattern of behaviors, often informed by feminism, feminists, and mainstream society, that encourages men to forego traditionally and truly masculine behavior and attitudes in favor of those in which capitulation to female whimsy -- even when it is contrary his own interests -- is employed as a default. ALTERNATE: A determination to cling to an idealized and unrealistic set of ideals despite the fact that they are clearly dysfunctional and contra-survival.

Example: "Yeah, Rich is crashing and burning out yet another relationship because he won't stand up for himself. He's worried he'll offend his girlfriend or something. Instead she just dumps his ass in six months and looks for a dude with a spine who won't kiss her ass. Rich is a serious Blue Pill junkie." 

C/FO


The "Captain/First Officer" model of married dominance popularized by Athol Kay in Married Man Sex Life, a fundamental of Married Game. C/FO demonstrates a model in which the dominant party is not inherently domineering or self-serving, but who has assumed and enforced a leadership role in regards to his spouse.

DHV


"Display of High Value", an action or comment that demonstrates a person's mating credentials in a positive light. Driving a Maserati or having a C-cup are both Displays of High (Alpha) Value. Changing a baby or fixing a tire are Displays of High (Beta) Value.




****stand


A Beta male who emotionally and financially props up a single mother while she’s secretly waiting for an Alpha to appear and ride her home ... hard. 

"Entitlement Princess"

A woman who believes she deserves certain things just because she has girly parts.

Useage: "I just heard that Entitlement Princess over there actually say out loud 'I’m a woman therefore I deserve a gorgeous, successful, and confident man no matter what I have to offer in return.' No, Dude, she really said it!"

Indicator of Interest (IOI)


A verbal or non-verbal cue from a member of the opposite-sex indicating that they are sexually attracted to you. Common female IOIs include hair flipping, baring the neck, extended eye contact, smiling, blushing, lint-picking, laughing at your atrociously bad jokes, etc.

Oneitis


The fallacy that Fate, God, or capricious Fortune has created only one possible soulmate in all of humanity for you, and without her your existence is meaningless. Oneitis, left untreated, often results in increased Betacization.

Preselection


The effect on a female observer when an attractive female pays you attention. Women tend to become more interested and increase the Relative Sex Rank of an observed male when he gains social proof of his worthiness by the preselection of another female. Preselection is an excellent method of buffing your SR, whether you are in a relationship or not.

Red Pill
The conscious decision of an adult male to eschew the poor returns and disappointment that capitulating to feminine whims incurs in our society and instead cultivate truly masculine values and behaviors in an effort to improve himself, his life, his happiness, his family, and his society.

Sex Rank

The arbitrarily-assigned "score" of your attractiveness to members of the opposite sex, usually on a scale of 1-10. Sex Rank can be "buffed" by either gender in various ways. Women's SR is often dependent upon their outward appearance, beauty and fitness. A Man's SR is often dependent on his physicial presence, his confidence, and his income. 

Related terms:
Objective Sex Rank (OSR): Your Sex Rank based only on your outward appearance and basic vital statistics -- how you would look to someone on paper or on a dating site who didn't know you. A good place to start is here.

Relative Sex Rank (RSR): Your Sex Rank (SR) in relation to that of your spouse. For instance, while a husband may only have an Objective Sex Rank of 5 (based on outward appearance, income, and overt charisma) to his more-attractive wife (SR:7) his Relative Sex Rank is three points higher due to her attraction to his humor, his affection, and the longevity of their union (+3=RSR8). In most successful Red Pill relationships, the male RSR is at least a point higher than the female RSR.

White Knight


A Blue Pill male who has accepted the idea that women are innately superior and deserve unwavering male protection regardless of their behavior or circumstances. Frequently this ideal will inspire a White Knight to attempt to socially redeem a woman of low SMP value. Due to the attraction White Knights have for damsels in distress, they frequently attract Attention *****s.





Wolf Alpha

An Alpha Male who focuses on personal family-building, seeking the highest quality female to be the mother of his children possible, and then maintaining a (often starkly monogamous) sexual and personal relationship with this woman for the purposes of domestic stability and long-term success of the offspring. Wolf Alphas are often seen as community leaders, Scoutmasters, and devoted family men. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between a Wolf Alpha and a married Beta from a distance, but personal experience will usually settle the matter. Wolf Alphas are often fanatically devoted to their families. They are highly desired by Wolf Alpha females and strong Beta females as fathers."


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Adex said:


> No it doesn't describe me. However, every man could use a little alpha. Those guys on that website just have it figured out, and it's a great help to those that might not.
> 
> *Of course, those in the female social matrix may not understand these type of views. It's a given*.


That is NOT a given. I'm a single mom raising a very strong, capable and confident man. My guess is that most here would term him Alpha. 

I asked the question as I am wondering why you have this need to strive to be Alpha. I'm wondering how it is that you need help being Alpha.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I've always had a mix of alpha and beta characteristics. However, I'd say I leaned a little on the beta in some relationships. As married, I've been using more confident and alpha characteristics and they work. I'm getting what I want and what makes me happy. Of course, when I'm more alpha my wife likes it so it works out. See the definitions below:

"Beta (GENERAL)

Less dominant modes of behavior, designed to project comfort and security as opposed to sexual attraction. Typically, behaviors designed to inspire the production of the hormone Oxytocin in women.


Beta Man
A male who often has a strong history as a provider, but who lacks the personal qualities and characteristics that women find most sexually appealing. Frequently known as "My Ex-Husband".


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Would you say that you leaned to the beta in some relationships because it's your natural personality or is it a model of behavior you grew up with?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"1. A man is born into this world and into a female dominated household. His mother is either single or is the dominant adult in the family. 

2. His formative years are spent trying to appease mother and his always-female teachers. Masculine dominance is viewed by a feminized society as dangerous so through propaganda and/or drugs, the young fellow is controlled and forced into non-masculine behaviors and characteristics. There are no strong male figures in his life to balance this. 

3. Puberty hits, he treats the girls around him just as he treated his mother and his female teachers. He subordinates himself to them. There are still no strong male figures in his life to instruct him in the ways of girls. 

4. His adult sexual and romantic life is frustrating, confusing, and completely unfulfilled. Of course, if he discovers the Manosphere, he might learn the truth about women and turn things around." (end quote)

(I'll finish the list for you...)

5. Instead of taking responsibility for his own actions and decisions, the man realizes he can easily blame women for everyone of his life's problems and issues.

6. At this point, he feels justified in hating women for "doing this to him", and since women can sense he hates them, women avoid him.

7. Since women avoid him due to his hatred of them, but since the man also still wants to have sex, the man then learns how to trick and coerce women into having sex with him.

8. One of two things happens next: 

8.1 The man either ACTUALLY mans up and takes responsibility for his own problems and decisions and understands that no woman is to blame for his own problems. If this occurs, the man may then spend time trying to understand the world in a different and new way and possibly really does begin to love himself so that he can love a woman. OR...

8.2 The man ends up a lonely old bachelor who has plenty of girlfriends but ultimately, he trusts and loves none of them, having still blamed women for every problem in his life.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Would you say that you leaned to the beta in some relationships because it's your natural personality or is it a model of behavior you grew up with?


I'd say it was kind of how I grew up and what you see in movies. It's how our current culture illustrates how a man should be, the demasculinization of the modern man. I thought my different girlfriends would be happier in the relationships at the time. Even with my wife, at the beginning I was too beta and she took advantage of it.

It's all wrong and I have changed many weak behaviors. My marriage is better as a result. I believe becoming more dominant can be learned. It just takes practice and the right attitude.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I love my husband so much more when I read this stuff!

He doesn't blame anyone else for his life's decisions. He doesn't see women as the "reason" he ever did anything that he now regrets. Those regrets, whatever they are, are all on him.

Instead, he sees women as a gift from God to himself. A companion and lover.

It is really too bad that some of you guys don't understand that women are not the reason you have failed at certain things in your life. But I can understand wanting to blame others....it requires a lot of maturity to accept responsibility for your own mistakes.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Adex said:


> I'd say it was kind of how I grew up and what you see in movies. It's how our current culture illustrates how a man should be, the demasculinization of the modern man. I thought my different girlfriends would be happier in the relationships at the time. Even with my wife, at the beginning I was too beta and she took advantage of it.
> 
> *It's all wrong and I have changed many weak behaviors*. My marriage is better as a result. *I believe becoming more dominant can be learned. It just takes practice and the right attitude*.


Do you just study ways to become more dominant? How are you improving your confidence? Is it just reading this material or are you actively working on accomplishing things in your life?


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Do you just study ways to become more dominant? How are you improving your confidence? Is it just reading this material or are you actively working on accomplishing things in your life?


Both. I study how and I actively practice it. Blogs such as from this thread help.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Adex said:


> Both. I study how and I actively practice it. Blogs such as from this thread help.


That's actually not what I meant. I gather you are reading this material and practicing what they are suggesting. I was asking if you are actively working on accomplishing things in your life. Such as do you have career goals and personal goals be they fitness, community indeavors, anything. Do you have a lot of things you have accomplished and are you continually striving to better yourself as a man, not a dominant man or alpha man. Just a better man.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> That's actually not what I meant. I gather you are reading this material and practicing what they are suggesting. I was asking if you are actively working on accomplishing things in your life. Such as do you have career goals and personal goals be they fitness, community indeavors, anything. Do you have a lot of things you have accomplished and are you continually striving to better yourself as a man, not a dominant man or alpha man. Just a better man.


Yes I have career goals and other goals. I've always strived for personal growth and development.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Adex said:


> The Red Pill Room: The Masculexicon
> 
> Definitions of the terms they use. I like a lot of them as they make sense. Below are my favorites.
> 
> ...


Entitled ****:
A seriously unattractive man (oh and I don't mean physically) who believes he deserves certain things just because he has manly parts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Adex said:


> Yes I have career goals and other goals. I've always strived for personal growth and development.


Thank you for answering my questions. I don't have any comments on the material above. I'm speechless at some of it and that has nothing to do with me being female. 

I would just give you this advice, which I know you may not accept as it is coming from a woman. 

I come from an entire family of very strong, confident men who are admired and respected. They have no need to seek out material to make them more masculine or confident, they simply are that way. They have no need to dominate the women in their lives, they are respected by the women in their lives and prefer respect to domination. 

They are all leaders and have a long list of accomplishments. I believe that this is where their confidence and leadership comes from- what they achieve in life and what they plan to achieve. Their lives are about striving to be the best men they can be. When you are a good man and one who achieves things worthy of respect, you do not need to dominate others.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

LOL...this stuff is silly. What's sillier is there is some guy out there laughing his alpha ass off that people actually buy his stuff. AND...he's making bank off of it.

Beginners guide to male dominance...that just makes me giggle.

Geesh. It's 2013, man.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

*Dig's Guide to Being a TRUE Alpha*​
1. Stop talking about being alpha. The more you talk about being alpha the less alpha you are.

2. Instead of puffing your chest up and making sounds like Tim "the Toolman" Taylor, understand that a real alpha male doesn't NEED to exert dominance. Because he's already dominant and secure in it.

3. A true alpha recognizes that the world lives on homeostasis and understands if one is not inherently alpha...his fakeness will spiral the wrong way.

4. The smallest dog barks the loudest.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

5) be who you are and someone will love you for who you are, confidence in yourself is the most important thing you can do


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

AR...please respond on my new thread - I would enjoy your input!


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Since there are a lot of generalizations here, I'm going to address the biggest flaw in this line of thinking. While I believe alpha & dominance "help" attract women, attracting them & maintaining a long-term, healthy relationship are different and require different skills. There are times when a woman wants or expects the man to take the lead and other times when they want or expect a partnership. The skill some men lack is the ability to recognize when to lead, when to follow and when to go hand-in-hand.

In business, it takes a certain personality type to start up a business. But many entrepreneurs fail at getting a business beyond a certain level or reach a plateau because their personality does not lend itself to delegation or shared responsibilities.

There is a huge distinction between leadership and dominance. Just as I think there is a difference between alpha and dominance. But many people erroneously think they are either interchangeable or one in the same.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I love my husband so much more when I read this stuff!
> 
> He doesn't blame anyone else for his life's decisions. He doesn't see women as the "reason" he ever did anything that he now regrets. Those regrets, whatever they are, are all on him.
> 
> ...


I don't think this is about assigning blame, it's more about discerning the dissonance between media perceptions of men versus biological imperatives.


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

pb76no said:


> There are times when a woman wants or expects the man to take the lead
> 
> .


This is only true of SOME women. Not all. Plenty of women just expect to be treated like normal human beings and have no expectations of being led at all.


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## Visual1 (Apr 16, 2013)

Sound like a lot of work. I think I am just going to be myself. if my wife give me sex, then that fine. I don't have to go through life trying to impress my wife.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

pb76no said:


> The skill some men lack is the ability to recognize when to lead, when to follow and when to go hand-in-hand.


I agree with this. They also, I'd suggest, fail to pick a partner where both parties are comfortable in each of the three states as needs dictate.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> This is only true of SOME women. Not all. Plenty of women just expect to be treated like normal human beings and have no expectations of being led at all.


Treating a woman like a normal human being and taking the lead are not mutually exclusive. And this whole thread is very general, so applying the thinking in any specific circumstance can be problematic or just plain wrong. I was careful in my language saying "a woman", not "all women".


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

pb76no said:


> Treating a woman like a normal human being and taking the lead are not mutually exclusive.


Normal, adult, human beings don't require leadership in interpersonal relationships. We only attempt to lead those we view as inferior to ourselves. Most women do not wish to be viewed as inferior to their male counterpart.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

LoftheL: If you view marriage as a team (and I believe both of us do), then every team needs a leader. There is no I in team, but there is a leader. This does not make one inferior to the other. It also does not mean that EVERY decision gets made by "the leader".

I think you would be hard pressed to find ANY (and I'm being absolute here) marriage where both people agree on everything. And there will be instances where you don't agree, but a decision or course of action must be taken. So what do you do then?

Dominance implies an air of superiority. Leadership does not.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

The horse is dead Adex,please stop beating it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

pb76no, I invite you to read the You Go Gabby thread...since we've spent 500 pages discussing that topic already...and several of us have given examples of our marriages that do not have a designated leader. In my case, it is better that we use the Policy of Joint Agreement for decisions than one of us being the designated leader.


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

I view marriage as a partnership of equals. No leader, no follower. Just two people headed in the same direction. Or, two sovereign nations joined in a commonwealth pact. I like that. Both are responsible for themselves, but have the same goals and values, and are ready to support and defend one another under attack. That is a much better analogy!!


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

I am not arguing your views are wrong. I'm stating my opinion, not fact. But I am choosing my words deliberately and not defining things as absolute.

At no time have I used the word designated. We subscribe to the policy of joint agreement too. What I'm saying is there will be instances where there is no joint agreement. A dictator is a leader, just not a good one. My W did not elect or designate me as leader and she would not tolerate a dictator. But she does *allow* me to lead and I, in turn, do not force her to follow. Again, no absolutes.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

> Normal, adult, human beings don't require leadership in interpersonal relationships. We only attempt to lead those we view as inferior to ourselves.


A follower is not an "inferior" person. They probably have gifts like empathy and intuition and the need to see much information before making decisions. The leader pushes boldly forward into the unknown without fear. Not inferior, just different, and relationships could be well served with both types...I know society is. Different strokes.


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## gardengirl (Apr 18, 2013)

Adex said:


> So I found this blog on the internet called the Red Pill Room. It basically talks about man issues in what they call the manosphere. It's all about manning up, becoming more alpha, and dominant. It's a great source for any guy that wants to better their relationship. Below is one of the articles I found enlightening.
> 
> 
> The Red Pill Room: Male Dominance: A Beginner's Guide
> ...


what ever happened to mutal respect? 

buddy, crap like this is going to cause you to need serious therapy, and stick you in a postion where you are going to be having to figure out how to work around the callouses on your right hand...


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Adex said:


> 1. A man is born into this world and into a female dominated household. His mother is either single or is the dominant adult in the family.


You'e lost me there as my father was the undeniable head of the household. 




> Remember: if she has to ask you to lead, you've already lost. You don't need her permission to lead, you need her acceptance of your leadership. And as long as you are utterly unambiguous about your expectations, she should be utterly happy to submit to it."


If this is the code you'll live your marriage to I can only feel pity. I always thought the aim was for an equal partnership; not to be fighting the gender war 24/7.

All this talk of dominance and the need to dominate comes from a place of fear. When I read this PUA/Manosphere writing I don't even get the feeling they even _like_ women. To me women are alluring, enchanting and inscrutable. To some, women seem to be something to tame. Sad really.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

pb76no said:


> LoftheL: If you view marriage as a team (and I believe both of us do), then every team needs a leader. There is no I in team, but there is a leader. This does not make one inferior to the other. It also does not mean that EVERY decision gets made by "the leader".
> 
> I think you would be hard pressed to find ANY (and I'm being absolute here) marriage where both people agree on everything. And there will be instances where you don't agree, but a decision or course of action must be taken. So what do you do then?
> 
> Dominance implies an air of superiority. Leadership does not.


This is a good point. People are getting caught up with the word dominant or alpha. These have negative connotations to some. However, being a leader inherently involves taking a dominant role and being more alpha.

So yes, in any group of people or relationship, there is a "leader." Others can say, oh no we have a "partnership", we always make decisions together. In reality, that's not true. One person usually takes the leading role and makes more decisions. If you ask your friends or outsiders, they will tell you it's you or your spouse that seems to "lead" more, to "dominate" more, to have the "power", or is more "alpha."

All the words in quotes basically point to the same thing. To believe in complete equality is nonsense. In an ideal world, communism which believes in equality for everyone sounds great, but in reality it doesn't exist. There are leaders and there are the followers in society and in your relationship. It's just your decision what you want to be.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It's funny how bent out of shape some of you get after reading some of this stuff. It envokes strong reactions but cmon....

There's nothing in there that is puke worthy. There's actually some VERY useful stuff in there with just the right amount of fiction to keep it interesting.

***Retracted***

I was wrong...imagine that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"There's nothing in there that is puke worthy."

If you don't think a man blaming women for his own poor choices is puke worthy, I'm not sure what is.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> "There's nothing in there that is puke worthy."
> 
> If you don't think a man blaming women for his own poor choices is puke worthy, I'm not sure what is.


If you can point out where it says that, I'll definitely retract my previous post.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Copied from the first post on this thread:

1. A man is born into this world and into a female dominated household. His mother is either single or is the dominant adult in the family. 

2. His formative years are spent trying to appease mother and his always-female teachers. Masculine dominance is viewed by a feminized society as dangerous so through propaganda and/or drugs, the young fellow is controlled and forced into non-masculine behaviors and characteristics. There are no strong male figures in his life to balance this. 

3. Puberty hits, he treats the girls around him just as he treated his mother and his female teachers. He subordinates himself to them. There are still no strong male figures in his life to instruct him in the ways of girls. 

4. His adult sexual and romantic life is frustrating, confusing, and completely unfulfilled. Of course, if he discovers the Manosphere, he might learn the truth about women and turn things around.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

So IOW, first blame your mommy.

Then blame Mrs. Krabapple.

Then blame your wife.

Then blame "feminists".


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> *Dig's Guide to Being a TRUE Alpha*​
> 1. Stop talking about being alpha. The more you talk about being alpha the less alpha you are.
> 
> 2. Instead of puffing your chest up and making sounds like Tim "the Toolman" Taylor, understand that a real alpha male doesn't NEED to exert dominance. Because he's already dominant and secure in it.
> ...


Quoted for truth.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

While the OP was incredibly long, what I did read had some golden nuggets that I thought were well put. However there was also a lot of crud that I, particularly, didn't find enlightening or helpful. 

Firstly, I'm all for a man or woman bettering themselves. I believe we should all strive to be the best we can be at whatever we aspire to. Having healthy, happy relationships is something I aspire to, so naturally I do my best to be the best wife I can be, the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend, etc. I'm certainly not perfect, but I strive to better myself in those areas I'm weakest. If a man wants to be more Alpha, I think he should pursue that. 

However, and this came up in the PUA thread, there is a massive difference between trying to better oneself, and pretending to be who/what you're not. Gaining confidence, for instance, is absolutely something I think we all should strive for. And, to an extent, I think a man becoming more Alpha _can_ be helpful in some circumstances. But focusing on it this much is bordering on obsession, imo. And there is nothing more unattractive than a man who is obsessed with his image. It reeks of insecurity, rather than confidence and is one of the most unattractive qualities a man can have imo. 

If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. But trying to only be an Alpha man, and hating all things Beta is really missing the entire point. There are certain Beta qualities I find absolutely endearing. And there are certain Alpha qualities I find repulsive. 

_My_ panties don't get moist for a man who seeks to dominate the relationship.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Then blame Mrs. Krabapple.
> 
> .


As if I didn't love you enough, you make a Simpsons reference. :rofl:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> So IOW, first blame your mommy.
> 
> Then blame Mrs. Krabapple.
> 
> ...


Ohhh now I see where you're coming from. I read that completely different. I read that western society has allowed a male dominated paradigm to shift a little too far to the female side resulting in men who act a lot less like the men their grandfathers were.

I agree with that. I don't really read any direct blame going on in your quote. I see (very weak) explanations as to why this generations men act like they do.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"I see (very weak) explanations as to why this generations men act like they do."


And each "explanation" is attached to a woman in these men's lives.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> "I see (very weak) explanations as to why this generations men act like they do."
> 
> 
> And each "explanation" is attached to a woman in these men's lives.


Quite right. I didn't clue-in. Post retracted.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Save us the trouble and post these in the ladies' lounge from now on.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Quite right. I didn't clue-in. Post retracted.


Come on man. You reek of beta right now. You posted your ideas which were pretty much correct which were why people knock the article so much, and then you retract because some women tell you you're wrong.

Disappointing to say the least. But hey, the women put you in your place lol. :smthumbup:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Adex said:


> Disappointing to say the least. But hey, the women put you in your place lol. :smthumbup:












Enough, take a week off Adex!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes, Adex....shaming another guy is such a totally alpha thing to do. 

You can blame me and every other woman in the world for your own problems all you want! More power to us apparently, since we clearly rule you, per your own admission.


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