# New Member - Husband with baggage looking for helpful discussion



## MBenjamin (Nov 28, 2021)

Hi, I'm Matt and this is my first time to this site. I am currently going through a tough time with my partner of 19 years. She informed me a few days ago that she wanted a separation and both individual and couples counseling to try and work through our issues. We've had some issues over the years, with infidelity on her part, and borderline narcissistic behavior on mine but it was still a shock for me to hear her say those words. 

Mostly I'm here to listen to perspectives and if capable, provide some of my own. I've been reading through some posts on here and decided it was time to create an account. Thanks for providing what seems to be a good supporting outlet for people to discuss their marriage. 

Matt


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Welcome to TAM -- and sorry that you are here for those reasons!


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## CurlsAtx (12 mo ago)

It doesn’t look like anyone has responded..: did you have a question?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Good morning Matt ,

What is it that you hope to accomplish what is your end goal , clearly she wants to leave this marriage. Unfortunately you have no control over making someone stay in a marriage they don’t want to be in and to be honest it doesn’t sound like she was truly committed to you...Certainly at the time that she cheated she ended any official commitment to you in the marriage. I’m not sure how old you are where you are in your life but you can start over you can move on you can’t find happiness either by yourself or with another partner the important thing is to focus on the next chapter of your life .


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Hi Matt, if you read the threads here, many times a request for separation is so she can test drive the new guy. Since she cheated before, I would be very suspicious of her motives. I assume you want to stay together. If that is your goal, I think separation would work against this. You should consult a lawyer so you know what the divorce process and terms might look like.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Go to counseling and be honest there and hopefully you will bring the issues out into the open and the counselor will help you sort through them.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Go to counseling and be honest there and hopefully you will bring the issues out into the open and the counselor will help you sort through them.


The op has another thread, this was his intro thread.


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