# What do I say?



## TDSC60

My daughter works with a woman who is getting married in two weeks and my daughter is in the wedding.

She told me that a week ago she went to the bathroom only to find the woman crying in a stall.

Turns out that on St Patrick's day a few of the office workers went out after work to hit the local festival and the woman woke the next morning in the bed of a coworker. She told my daughter she does not even remember going to his apartment with him.

I think the woman should tell her fiance. My daughter says she is feeling dirty and ashamed and scared and does not want her fiance to know. 

The problem is that the fiance works in the same office as the man she apparently went home with and I think he will eventually find out. The woman is 35 years old and has never married. She is terrified he will call off the wedding.

In my mind honesty is always best.

Suggestions????


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## TX-SC

Yes, she needs to tell. The future husband needs to know what he is getting into. If he finds out after marriage, then the marriage is a sham. He needs to know now.


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## TDSC60

TX-SC said:


> Yes, she needs to tell. The future husband needs to know what he is getting into. If he finds out after marriage, then the marriage is a sham. He needs to know now.


This is pretty much what I told my daughter. Alas she is friends with both the bride and groom and does not want to be the bad guy by spilling the beans.

She has told the woman that she needs to confess all to her intended before the wedding.


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## TX-SC

TDSC60 said:


> This is pretty much what I told my daughter. Alas she is friends with both the bride and groom and does not want to be the bad guy by spilling the beans.
> 
> She has told the woman that she needs to confess all to her intended before the wedding.


The daughter needs to tell her friend that if she (your daughter) will have to tell him since he is her friend. So, she would prefer not to be put in that position.


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## TDSC60

While I am telling my daughter all this, my wife is telling her to keep her mouth shut and not get involved.


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## VeryHurt

Oh my, what a mess!

I would tell my daughter to tell the bride to be that she must tell him before the wedding. 

I don't think your daughter should say a word to the groom.


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## 225985

Was the girl drugged? How did the coworker not know the woman would soon be marrying a guy in the same office?


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## ReidWright

she needs to get STD tested, and so does he.

Was she making out with the guy at the bar? where were this woman's coworker and friends when she was running off with this guy? I tend not to believe the 'I can't remember because I was drunk' stories....maybe it's true or maybe she's minimizing it.

the poor guy needs to know what happened. He might forgive her, but he needs to prevent this coworker dude from coming near her again.


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## TDSC60

blueinbr said:


> Was the girl drugged? How did the coworker not know the woman would soon be marrying a guy in the same office?


Drugs crossed my mind when my daughter said the woman did not even remember going home with the guy. Then I thought they both got totally wasted, inhibitions dissolved, and so on. I really don't know enough to say what actually happened other than the bride to be had sex with another man a few weeks before the wedding.

The guy she had sex with does know about the upcoming wedding and is "friends" with the groom to be as they all work in the same office.


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## TDSC60

Damn - I didn't even think about possible STDs.


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## lifeistooshort

I don't think it's you daughters place to tell the fiance. She does need to impress upon her friend that not only is it selfish and unfair to keep it from him, her friend is going to live in constant fear that he's going to find out.

And he likely will..... then it will be many times worse that he didn't hear it from her. He'll see a liar that can't be trusted. ...is that how she wants to live her married life? 

She should tell her friend that if she chooses not to tell him she can't in good conscience be in the wedding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame

She must tell. There is no alternative, in my opinion. He will find out and the lying will make it much worse. In the interim she will be an internal wreck having this ax ready to fall at any time.

She needs to be honest and take the consequences.


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## TX-SC

If this was just some guy at the office, then your daughter shouldn't tell, but you said the groom is a friend of hers. If I was the groom and found out AFTER the wedding that your daughter knew but didn't tell, I'd be some kind of pissed off. If he is indeed a friend then your daughter should make it clear that the bride needs to tell or she will. 

Friends don't treat each other that way.


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## *Deidre*

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't think it's you daughters place to tell the fiance. She does need to impress upon her friend that not only is it selfish and unfair to keep it from him, her friend is going to live in constant fear that he's going to find out.
> 
> And he likely will..... then it will be many times worse that he didn't hear it from her. He'll see a liar that can't be trusted. ...is that how she wants to live her married life?
> 
> She should tell her friend that if she chooses not to tell him she can't in good conscience be in the wedding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This.


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## 6301

Maybe it's just me and I could be wrong but how many times has it been posted that the man or woman woke up and couldn't remember what he or she did the night before. It makes for a great excuse for their behavior but no matter how you slice it, the deed has been done. 

Now if she was drugged then it's a different story. That's criminal and the guy should be jailed but no matter what happened the groom to be should be told. Yeah it will be messy but not anywhere near as messy if he finds out after their married and she the bride to be has to be the one to tell him. It's only fair and the right thing to do.


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## ThePheonix

Back in my much younger years I've been liquored up until I passed out. I remembered well what happened until the lights went out. Upon waking and swearing I'd never do that again, I could recall exactly how I got there. Don't buy the old, "I got so drunk I can't remember what happened". She my not have cared what happening, but she remembered it. 
Chances are she wanted a fling with this cat before she go married and now suffering from buyers remorse.

But than there is the chance she willingly or unwillingly got on drugs. If that's the case, it was likely date rape.


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## BlueWoman

I don't think it's the daughters place to tell anyone. Although, I do agree that the bride to be should tell her fiance, one because he has the right to know that his fiance might have been sexually assaulted. I also agree that she needs to get STD tested. The fact that she doesn't remember going home with him tells me she wasn't in a place to consent. 

I can get why she might not want to go to the police. It will be really hard to prove. But based on the details, this woman was raped. It's a sucky situation for her, and it may end up being a damned if you do and damned if you don't, for her. But she tell her fiancee. 

But I still stand by it's not your daughters business to out this woman's rape.


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## TaDor

The bride to be **MUST** come forward... she will also feel guilty about the situation as it was not done on purpose.

Getting black-out drunk DOES happen and people have sex and NOT remember it, DOES happen. I've been there. My wife has been black-out drunk and I didn't know it - yet we had sex, which is not something that I liked when I found out.

Now, its also possible that both of them were date-raped drugged, I've had that happen to me. Its a way of getting the man out of the way so they can take the drugged girl away. Friends have been drugged. Of course, they could simply have gotten too drunk. But at this point, its WHO KNOWS... there is no way to tell how her friend got into that position.

Since all these people work in the same company or office, there is a good chance that other co-workers saw them both leave together or made-out. They will whisper and eventually - the groom will find out.

I think the bride should start out. "I got black out drunk or drugged on St. Patties." Let groom respond. "I woke up in bed with someone else, I remember nothing. But I am ashamed and sick to my stomach at what happened. I don't want to start our marriage with lies." This co-worker, does he know what he did or fill shame?


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## TaDor

Oh, BTW: It is unknown and no way to prove that the co-worker drugged her... it could have been someone else.

Late last year, my wife got drugged in a bar, she doesn't remember me picking her up, carrying her to my car, getting into our home and her sitting on the floor in a messed up state. I show her some video of that situation. That ordeal took about 2 hours that she remembers nothing of. There was a guy at the bar that was talking to her and a co-worker about going to their house to drink and smoke - when I got there, I caught part of this conversion when I got her. I don't know if the guy was being a party-guy or a sexual predator. They were in no condition to say "no".

When you are date-rape drugged, any suggestion *SOUNDS GOOD*. I remember bits and pieces with no control of my actions, but for an hour - nothing, blank - before I passed out. A sign of being drugged is feeling like total crap, more so than a normal hang-over.


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## TDSC60

The fact that a group went out together, (men & women - all from the office) it seems logical that at least some of them know or suspect what happened and it just a matter of time until it leaks out. I have told my daughter this. I have also told her that if the bride-to-be is honest with her fiance now and begs forgiveness for a drunken one night stand, she has a chance at being forgiven. If the groom-to-be finds out after the wedding and realizes that instead of confessing and being remorseful, she hid the facts from him and allowed him to stand up in front of people who knew or suspected at the ceremony, he would immediately divorce.

I appreciate all the responses. One thing about TAM is that there are always several different views. I sometimes have that "light bulb moment" when reading posts here and think "That is so obvious I can't believe I didn't see it myself". So thanks to all for taking the time to help.

And 6301 - I don't believe for a moment that the woman does not remember anything from that night. She remembers - but just does not want to admit what she did. It is not impossible - but I don't think a man out with a group of friends would sink to using drugs.

I know my daughter will be in the wedding regardless of what happens next. For her to back out now would almost be the same as telling the fiance herself and she will not do that.

So I guess the group decision is that the future bride has to tell the fiance or suffer what could be dire consequences when it eventually leaks out latter.


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## BlueWoman

TaDor said:


> Oh, BTW: It is unknown and no way to prove that the co-worker drugged her... it could have been someone else.
> 
> Late last year, my wife got drugged in a bar, she doesn't remember me picking her up, carrying her to my car, getting into our home and her sitting on the floor in a messed up state. I show her some video of that situation. That ordeal took about 2 hours that she remembers nothing of. There was a guy at the bar that was talking to her and a co-worker about going to their house to drink and smoke - when I got there, I caught part of this conversion when I got her. I don't know if the guy was being a party-guy or a sexual predator. They were in no condition to say "no".
> 
> When you are date-rape drugged, any suggestion *SOUNDS GOOD*. I remember bits and pieces with no control of my actions, but for an hour - nothing, blank - before I passed out. A sign of being drugged is feeling like total crap, more so than a normal hang-over.



You actually bring up some good points. If they were both drugged, it's still a "rape" but the person responsible for the rape is the one who drugged them.


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## TDSC60

TaDor said:


> Oh, BTW: It is unknown and no way to prove that the co-worker drugged her... it could have been someone else.
> 
> Late last year, my wife got drugged in a bar, she doesn't remember me picking her up, carrying her to my car, getting into our home and her sitting on the floor in a messed up state. I show her some video of that situation. That ordeal took about 2 hours that she remembers nothing of. There was a guy at the bar that was talking to her and a co-worker about going to their house to drink and smoke - when I got there, I caught part of this conversion when I got her. I don't know if the guy was being a party-guy or a sexual predator. They were in no condition to say "no".
> 
> When you are date-rape drugged, any suggestion *SOUNDS GOOD*. I remember bits and pieces with no control of my actions, but for an hour - nothing, blank - before I passed out. A sign of being drugged is feeling like total crap, more so than a normal hang-over.


Thanks very much. I always appreciate first hand info from someone who has actual experience. Much better and more reliable than the "I heard this" second or third hand info.

And another light bulb moment - I never considered someone unknown could have drugged her.


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## TX-SC

You people saying she should not speak up... 

You seriously would let a friend get married if you knew his or her fiancée cheated? Wow, what a ****ty bunch of friends!


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## ConanHub

TDSC60 said:


> Drugs crossed my mind when my daughter said the woman did not even remember going home with the guy. Then I thought they both got totally wasted, inhibitions dissolved, and so on. I really don't know enough to say what actually happened other than the bride to be had sex with another man a few weeks before the wedding.
> 
> The guy she had sex with does know about the upcoming wedding and is "friends" with the groom to be as they all work in the same office.


Of course this needs confessed to.

High possibility of rape here as well.

People are so damn stupid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray

TDSC60 said:


> While I am telling my daughter all this, my wife is telling her to keep her mouth shut and not get involved.


I'd be side eyeing your wife there. She seems quick to make excuses for cheaters. I know if I ran this by my wife, she'd be all for ratting the woman out.


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## the guy

First of all your kid is not getting the full story.

Second... you can tell your kid what you want and she will or will not listen.

Third...advise your kid to stay away from these coworkers and she will never have to be in this position again.

It will be up to your kid to make the choice and listen to her dad with regards to spilling the beans or not, but at the end of the day she has to see that these people are not people at all but scum and she will be better off served to find new friends and not attend the wedding.

Lesson learned.....stop going out and drinking with coworkers.

Your kid will be best served...work is work and play is play....never shyt were you eat!

Your kid could learn a lot from this, so make sure it takes!

Again....never shyt were you eat! That is the lesson your kids needs to learn IMHO!


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## the guy

In addition...as sad as this is for the drunk chick and the betrayed boyfriend and most of all the POS rapist getting away with it (we all don't know the whole story) the fact remains that your daughter can learn a lesson about dynamics of coworker relationships and how they can phuck up the work enviorment for more the then two dumb @sses that scewed!


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## Decorum

Wow, what a situation. I know I would want to put the wedding on hold to sort this out. He deserves that.

I would love to see how she does on a poly.

Very often a person is well aware of what they are doing at the time, but lose recall as they process the alcohol by the next morning.

Then looking back they say "I dont even remember..."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

TDSC60 said:


> My daughter works with a woman who is getting married in two weeks and my daughter is in the wedding.
> 
> She told me that a week ago she went to the bathroom only to find the woman crying in a stall.
> 
> Turns out that on St Patrick's day a few of the office workers went out after work to hit the local festival and the woman woke the next morning in the bed of a coworker. She told my daughter she does not even remember going to his apartment with him.
> 
> I think the woman should tell her fiance. My daughter says she is feeling dirty and ashamed and scared and does not want her fiance to know.
> 
> The problem is that the fiance works in the same office as the man she apparently went home with and I think he will eventually find out. The woman is 35 years old and has never married. She is terrified he will call off the wedding.
> 
> In my mind honesty is always best.
> 
> Suggestions????


STD tests. Then she talks with co-worker about if they did anything then she is honest with her fiancé.

This is a mess.

BTW your daughter should have minimal involvement in this mess. Though she should encourage her to be honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

ConanHub said:


> Of course this needs confessed to.
> 
> High possibility of rape here as well.
> 
> People are so damn stupid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Date rape drug? Has co-worker done this before?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015

I would tell you daughter to tell the friend that she not only needs to tell the friend, but that she should call off the wedding.

Why? Any woman who would screw a guy right before a wedding does not really love or respect the guy she's marrying. She just wants the fancy wedding.

Marriage is doomed.

If that were my daughter I would tell her she needs to let the fiancé know. Either the friend tells him or your daughter tells him. But she's in the position to prevent a very bad marriage from going forward.


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## Divinely Favored

Even if the groom could get past this, the wedding needs to be called off several months as it could take 6 months For all possible STDs to show up.


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## Palodyne

I doubt the coworker drugged her. It sounds to me like she got drunk and slept with the guy. I agree that your daughter is not getting the entire story. I have gotten black out drunk before, you remember things right up till your brain goes dark. So most likely they were flirting and getting touchy feely in the bar before her brain went dark, I'm sure she remembers that. But it's highly possible she might not remember doing the actual deed.

That being said, she had better come clean to her fiancé. Because I guarantee you, other coworkers saw them at the bar and saw them leave together. He is going to find out and it would be better coming from the bride than from the gossip mill. This does put your daughter in a bad spot. If she tells him, she betrays her friend the bride. If she remains silent, she betrays her friend the groom. 

I think all she can do here, is continue to encourage the bride to confess to the groom. If she will not, and continues with the wedding, your daughter should begin to distance herself from both of them. 

This should serve as a lesson to your daughter to keep work relationships strictly professional, so going forward with her career she never gets pulled into the drama of coworkers personal lives which can make the workplace uncomfortable for her.


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## 86857

Reverse roles. . . 
Ask daughter if it was she getting married, would she want a guy friend who was also a friend of the groom to tell her about her groom's ONS?
And if she found out later about ONS & her guy friend knew & watched her getting married? 

How about a gender reversal. If daughter found out the groom had a ONS, would she tell her gf? Maybe. The 'sisterhood'?

That old coconut “I don’t remember.” Which part? 
Flirting at the bar? agreeing to go with OM? leaving? getting into the car? the drive home? arriving home? heading for the bedroom? 
Or one minute you guys were 'just talking' at the bar and the next thing you woke up in the morning in OM/OW's bed? 

Date rape? Among colleagues out drinking & the rapist and/or drug-giver being one of the colleagues? 

Drugs? OP only said drunk. Daughter's gf said nothing about being on drugs.

Probably just plain vanilla betrayal. 
Maybe the bride is not 100% sure about the marriage? ONS is her subconsciousness's yelling at her?
Or, maybe she just has the cheater gene; if a situation presents itself they run with it rather than resisting it. 

Daughter, the bride, the groom, & OM all work together & it was a work night out? 
People aren't blind. What a mess and damn near impossible to keep the lid on it. 

If I were daughter I would tell the groom. It will be REALLY difficult. She will get yelled at. 
She won't be popular for a while as everyone will have their own ideas on whether she should/shouldn't have told. 

I was in a similar position once. I was friends with both and they were among a bunch of friends who hung out together. Everyone knew except BS. And OW was in the group of friends also!

After a while, I couldn't stand watching, so I spilt the beans to BS. BS didn't even talk to me for a few weeks - she was in denial. 
I was harshly judged by some in the group for 'sticking my nose in'. I would reply, "Would you like me to have told you if it was you?" This was usually greeted with silence or a mumbled, "I would." 
During the next few weeks, many told me privately I was 'brave' as they didn't have the courage to reveal it & were glad someone did. I wasn't brave. I just put myself in BS shoes. I would want to know. 
Also my conscience wouldn't let me be part of the deceit. These guys are getting married in a few weeks. OMG!

I knew I wasn't going to be popular for doing so, but I just took a deep breath and jumped off the cliff! 
PS My heart goes out to the groom.


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## TDSC60

My daughter is a very head strong independent person. I was actually surprised that she came to me for advice on this, so she has to be really conflicted about what to do. She will listen to what I say but she will make up her own mind about what, if anything, she needs to do. I do know she is encouraging the bride to confess ASAP.

The office employees about 15-20 people. There are only 4 females. The bride-to-be is my daughter's boss. The intended groom is a manager over another group in the same office. My kid knows him also, but not on the close personal level as with the bride. The AP also works there but I do not know the relationship he has or doesn't have with the others.

A couple of you guys have brought up the possibility of being drugged by some unknown person. I can see that happening. The area where the festival is held in near a university. There is a bar, a bar/grill, or restaurant every other store front. During the festival it is wall to wall college kids and local. I can imagine some idiot college kid thinking it would be funny as hell to walk around slipping a date rape drug into any unattended beer.

And possible STD never crossed my mind.

I hope to be able to talk to my daughter this afternoon. I'll update if she tells me any new info.

Thanks again for all the replies.


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## TDSC60

larry.gray said:


> I'd be side eyeing your wife there. She seems quick to make excuses for cheaters. I know if I ran this by my wife, she'd be all for ratting the woman out.


Yeah. Her attitude triggered some old suspicions about a couple of incidents that happened years ago when we were first married.

Both involved alcohol and her behavior when she got drunk. I am almost sure I never got the truth about one situation and it still bothers me today.

I could never prove anything, but one incident had me thinking divorce if I had one more piece of even circumstantial evidence. I was on guard for a long time after.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

The fiance either tells him before and risks that the marriage may get postponed/doesn't happen.

Or doesn't tell him and pretty much guarantees that the marriage will be over some time down the road when he finds out for him self(and he WILL find out, given the small/close office setting).

I don't think that the fiance even realizes yet, that while she's trying to get through her vows, her thoughts about the cheating will most likely keep popping in her head. Especially if anyone that was at the bar that night is at the wedding that day.

Hell of a way to start a marriage...


Also, if she was drugged, wouldn't she have woken up with more than a hangover, and a little drunk? She most likely would have been groggy, or hazy, from the lingering effects.

It sounds to me that it's more like a case of being blackout drunk.

If so, a blackout prone drinker that cheats 2 weeks before a wedding a good spouse does not make.


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## TaDor

Sorry folks, but yes- a person CAN get black out drunk after a drink or two and not recall a single thing. Many alcoholics have this problem... they can wake up the next day and only remember the first drink, the other 2 or 8 drinks are completely blank.

I had sex with a woman at a party 10 years ago, I don't remember her what-so-ever but two of my friends confirmed it. Apparently she was good looking - so that is good. 

I also agree, *NO* socializing with co-workers after hours. Its asking for so many possible problems.
@TDSC60 : thing is, she can only take her co-worker at her word. Your daughter can only help HER by giving her the info we are helping you with. I doubt that a co-worker drugged the friend, but its not impossible.  Hence, HIS reaction is a factor. And besides, drinking lowers inhibitions - everyone KNOWS this. This makes it easier for guys to talk to gals and gals to take off their panties.

Her friend may not know HOW it happened because of being drugged. Especially if she never thought of any sexual interests in this co-worker she slept with - before and after. I doubt she'd cry at work if she did this on purpose.

But those drugs only require a tiny amount of time to drop into a drink and the booze will hide its flavor.

I've been drugged twice. I didn't realize it at the time, only the next day when I'm able to reflect what has happened as I don't do drugs. I mean it, every little thought or suggestion can be amplified. Even those of us who have been betrayed, if you get DRUGGED with certain date-rape drugs and it depends on how much you ingest and someone told you to "have sex with XYZ" - you *WILL* do it.

One of the times I got drugged, that night I found out that 4-5 others also got hit. One was a friend as she had taken a sip from my drink, but her effects were minimal. That night, I went to the club sober and was drugged on my first drink when I usually last just fine with 4~5. My wallet, cards and money were stolen too.

Hence, why I and everyone else should always have their drinks COVERED!


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## larry.gray

TaDor said:


> Sorry folks, but yes- a person CAN get black out drunk after a drink or two and not recall a single thing. Many alcoholics have this problem... they can wake up the next day and only remember the first drink, the other 2 or 8 drinks are completely blank.


:iagree:

Alcohol affects different people different ways. Sometimes it does different things to the same person on different occasions. 

Just because you've never blacked out from alcohol, doesn't mean nobody ever does. I've known two alcoholics that can't remember a thing after they sober up. One got in a fight with the cops on a DUII stop, beat the crap out of one cop, and woke up in the hospital with no memory of the exchange. 



TaDor said:


> One of the times I got drugged, that night I found out that 4-5 others also got hit. One was a friend as she had taken a sip from my drink, but her effects were minimal. That night, I went to the club sober and was drugged on my first drink when I usually last just fine with 4~5. My wallet, cards and money were stolen too.
> 
> Hence, why I and everyone else should always have their drinks COVERED!


Long ago I worked at a nuclear power plant. They're very touchy about drug use, and we were peeing in the bottle all the time. One coworker was roofied at a bar. He woke up on his lawn. He immediately went to the hospital and then the police as he was very worried about a positive drug test. 

After that we all were warned to watch our drinks.


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## Marduk

One of three things happened.

The answer to EACH one is "if you don't tell your fiancee, I will."

Possability A: she was drugged. In this case, it was a crime, and her fiancee needs to step up and help her through this. They need to go to the police, report the guy, and get STD tested. They also need to tell EVERYONE that knows this guy about what happened, so other women can protect themselves.

Possability B: she got loaded, hooked up, and now regrets it. In this case, she needs to get STD tested, and she needs to tell her fiancee -- because he needs to know about his health risks by having sex with her, and he needs to know what kind of woman he is marrying. At that point, it's his choice. An uncomfortable moment now is nothing compared to finding out after years of being married and having kids that she had a ONS, or that she had more 'accidental' ONS.

Possability C: it was intentional, and she wanted one last fling or wasn't sure about the marriage. The STD stuff still holds, and she needs out of this marriage as much as her fiancee does.

TL;DR: "You need to tell your fiancee or I will."


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## Jponce06

Did they even have sex or she just woke up in his bed? There has been a total of 3 times I've taken female friends home who had too much I was smart enough to sleep on the couch while I gave them the bed. The next morning the age old question "did we...?"
Me: No! We did nothing. Don't worry (even I was gentlemanly enough to not bring up them trying to straddle me while they had their eyes closed and half asleep/wasted).

I'm assuming her being a woman would be able to tell if she did or didn't have sex that night.


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## larry.gray

TDSC60 said:


> The office employees about 15-20 people. There are only 4 females. The bride-to-be is my daughter's boss. The intended groom is a manager over another group in the same office. My kid knows him also, but not on the close personal level as with the bride. The AP also works there but I do not know the relationship he has or doesn't have with the others.


Talk about effed up office politics! 

By now a good portion of the office knows what happened. It WILL get back. 

This puts the company and the cheating bride to be in a tough position. It is impossible for your daughter to separate the fact that the woman is your daughter's boss. If she uses her position to force your daughter to shut up, that is sexual harassment. Nope, sexual harassment isn't just dirty old men slapping the secretary's butt.

Many companies would fire both the bride to be and the AP in this scenario of it got back to HR.


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## ThePheonix

Let's see if I can come up with a defense for this bride to be when (not if) her future hubby finds out. How about, " look baby, since I don't remember anything about it, its the same as if it never happened. "


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## VeryHurt

6301 said:


> Maybe it's just me and I could be wrong but how many times has it been posted that the man or woman woke up and couldn't remember what he or she did the night before. It makes for a great excuse for their behavior but no matter how you slice it, the deed has been done.
> 
> Now if she was drugged then it's a different story. That's criminal and the guy should be jailed but no matter what happened the groom to be should be told. Yeah it will be messy but not anywhere near as messy if he finds out after their married and she the bride to be has to be the one to tell him. It's only fair and the right thing to do.


Hi ~
No, it's NOT you. 
These stories are getting old.
35 years old and she doesn't know what she's done?
Are you kidding me!
How irresponsible!
Not Mommy material, that's for sure. 
Is she going to misplace her infant?


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## Decorum

ThePheonix said:


> Let's see if I can come up with a defense for this bride to be when (not if) her future hubby finds out. How about, " look baby, since I don't remember anything about it, its the same as if it never happened. "


Thats what people feel when they dont remember, like the have no culpability.

It is true a person can be in a near comatose and compliant state, but being "black out drunk" does not automatically mean so.

People often consume enough alcohol to guarantee that "THE NEXT MORNING" they will not remember what happened, be it little or muc alcohol, depending.

That in no way means they were not knowingly exercising their volition with lowered inhibitions to act on the desire in their heart. In that case they chose to cheat but do not remember it the following morning. Thats no excuse. 

Notice how people say "I didnt remember a thing the next morning", doesn't mean they are blamless. If they got pissed and killed someone but didnt remember the next morning would we hold them blameless?

They prosess the alcohol according to their own system, yes, but the loss of memory does not mean the absence of volition at the time, nor does it excuse their bad behavior. Some loss of memory my even occure while they are sleeping or passed out, well after their bad behavior.

Since they cannot remember they are not in a position to say how in control of their faculties they were at the time. Others may be able to appraise, "yes you were all over him" or, " you were clearly in a daze and he took advantage of you."



TaDor said:


> Sorry folks, but yes- a person CAN get black out drunk after a drink or two and not recall a single thing. Many alcoholics have this problem... they can wake up the next day and only remember the first drink, the other 2 or 8 drinks are completely blank.


TaDor you are arguing against a point no one is trying to make.


----------



## Buddy400

I never believed the stories about "blacking out" and not remembering anything....

Until it happened to me. Turns out that I was alive and kicking for a couple of hours of which I had no memory at all.

Not sure if that's what happened here, but it CAN happen.


----------



## Marduk

Buddy400 said:


> I never believed the stories about "blacking out" and not remembering anything....
> 
> Until it happened to me. Turns out that I was alive and kicking for a couple of hours of which I had no memory at all.
> 
> Not sure if that's what happened here, but it CAN happen.


I've woken up next to strange women many times in my teenage/early 20's years with ZERO recollection of what happened.

But I always assumed we had sex.

Yes, it does happen. In no way would I seek to say I wasn't accountible for having sex with them, though.


----------



## bigfoot

There are photographs of me that were taken when I was black out drunk. I did not realize I had consumed so much booze. I have only spotty recollection. I remember feeling drunk and I remember coming out of it and maybe some parts in between.

The woman I was with told me that we made out on the dance floor of the club and that is was very romantic. I don't recall making out. I don't recall dancing. I don't recall taking the photos. I don't recall the ride home. I mean there are HUGE gaps of stuff that required my participation and ability to exercise some self control (posing for photos, dancing, kissing, hailing a cab) and absolutely no memory at all. It can happen. 

Waking up in bed is too vague? Were they naked? Does she know for sure that she had sex? Was dude drunk? Could he get it up? Has she asked him what happened? If she was too incapacitated, most states call that rape. Just saying.


----------



## TDSC60

OK time for an update. This just keeps getting better and better or worse and worse depending on your point of view.

Daughter just called on her lunch break and I need to clarify some things that I did not know before. Turns out that the OM is not a regular to the local office but has been on extended assignment from Corporate to help the new office get started. Also turns out that the OM and bride-to-be are Ex BF/GF from years ago. Groom-to-be knows this.

Bride-to-be was not drugged. She was drunk, but now admits that she did this willingly at the time. But now is horrified and ashamed over her behavior. Daughter says she really has not eaten much since it happened, is depressed and looks like ****. I don't know if she is depressed because she has betrayed her fiance, or depressed about enjoying the sex with OM and now has doubts about the marriage, or depressed that her fantasy wedding could now go up in flames.

Also OM is ex-military and in counseling for anger management and admits to having problems with the breakup that still haunt him (yes - He talked to my daughter about it also).

And OM will attend the wedding - this weekend.

Daughter has told both they need to tell the fiance ASAP, but neither want to. My daughter is now scared that OM will get drunk before, or after the wedding and tell someone about him hooking up with the bride (his XGF) one last time.

Also OM and bride-to-be are in a Manager/Subordinate relationship now and they will both be fired from the company if knowledge of the one night stand gets to top management. Another reason they are hiding it.

My daughter has made up her mind that she is going to keep her mouth shut not only because of the wedding but she does not want to be the one to get them both fired.

It's like a train wreck that you see coming. You know it is going to be bad, but you just can't look away.

Edit: My daughter (31 yrs) says she has definitely made up her mind to never get married. She says the risks are not worth it with what she has seen.


----------



## TX-SC

Her poor husband-to-be is going into this blind. I have to say, I realize your daughter is in a bad situation, but she is wrong to not tell the groom. I hope I never have a friend like your daughter.


----------



## manfromlamancha

so is your daughter going to do the right thing and give them an ultimatum - tell the groom to be or else she will - well before the wedding!


----------



## Decorum

We all have been there. One time I enjoyed some good scotch at a budies house, copped a nice buzz when home and went to bed...not.

Found out in the morning I had passed out on the front lawn having thrown up on myself, was taken in, cleaned up and put to bed.

I still have a hard time believing it was true.

I worked with a guy who was an alky. He got "beer muscles" when he drank, became an obnoxious little ****, no memory the next morning.

He spent more money on lawyers to keep or regain his driving rights than I did on my first condo.

He finally went to jail for it.

But thats the point, not remembering does not equate to not responsible. Your actual perspicacity on any given blackout night is an open question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TaDor

ThePheonix said:


> Let's see if I can come up with a defense for this bride to be when (not if) her future hubby finds out. How about, " look baby, since I don't remember anything about it, its the same as if it never happened. "


Just want to point out, even thou I said the situation may really be an accident ONS due to stupid drinking or drugged, I am not saying she gets a get-out-of-jail free card. She shouldn't pretend it didn't happen.

And if it was an accidental ONS, she's got issues to work out with herself as its a form of NC sex.


----------



## alte Dame

Your daughter has to find a way to inform the groom. Period. Or you do. If she can't convince the bride to do it or do it herself, then you should tell him.

You know as well as the rest of us that when the BSTBH finds out, his self-esteem will be destroyed by knowing that others knew and watched him, the chump of the century, say his vows.

This is like social murder here, completely premeditated. We have responsibilities in society and to our fellow travelers. If you could push someone out of the way of a moving train, you would. You need to help this man.


----------



## bryanp

To paraphrase Edmund Burke:

All that is necessary for evil to triumph
is to have good men do nothing.

The fact that the Bride is allowing the OM
to attend the wedding says everything you need
to know about this woman. The groom must be informed
and not allow him to be humiliated is such an awful way.

The OM sounds like a player and the poor groom cannot even
protect himself against potential STD's as well.


----------



## Marduk

I hope she's not going to the wedding.

And I hope she's looking for another job. That place is all kinds of ****ed up.


----------



## TaDor

@marduk : good simple 3 points.

The wedding can be put on hold, either thou it sucks that its 2 weeks out. But this is something the groom needs to decide.


----------



## stephscarlett

TDSC60 said:


> She was drunk, but now admits that she did this willingly at the time.


ppl can't give consent when they're drunk.


----------



## Marduk

I'd anonymously message the groom. And feign innocence about it.

She's not likely to be the only one she told.


----------



## TDSC60

I am looking for a way to get the info to the groom. I agree that he needs to know if only so he can make an informed decision about his future.

My daughter may surprise me, but I doubt she will tell the groom as she is not that close a friend to him. She has been urging the bride to tell him before he finds out another way. And she has told the bride that he will eventually find out. Too many people saw them together at the festival before they disappeared together.


----------



## ReidWright

marduk said:


> I'd anonymously message the groom. And feign innocence about it.
> 
> She's not likely to be the only one she told.


hell, sounds like half of the office either saw it or knows the story...

this bride went out blackout level drinking with her ex BF? wtf?

what's preventing her from doing this again? a wedding band? really?

call the guy and give him an anonymous tip


----------



## samyeagar

TDSC60 said:


> OK time for an update. This just keeps getting better and better or worse and worse depending on your point of view.
> 
> Daughter just called on her lunch break and I need to clarify some things that I did not know before. Turns out that the OM is not a regular to the local office but has been on extended assignment from Corporate to help the new office get started. Also turns out that the OM and bride-to-be are Ex BF/GF from years ago. Groom-to-be knows this.
> 
> Bride-to-be was not drugged. She was drunk, but now admits that she did this willingly at the time. But now is horrified and ashamed over her behavior. Daughter says she really has not eaten much since it happened, is depressed and looks like ****. I don't know if she is depressed because she has betrayed her fiance, or depressed about enjoying the sex with OM and now has doubts about the marriage, or depressed that her fantasy wedding could now go up in flames.
> 
> Also OM is ex-military and in counseling for anger management and admits to having problems with the breakup that still haunt him (yes - He talked to my daughter about it also).
> 
> And OM will attend the wedding - this weekend.
> 
> Daughter has told both they need to tell the fiance ASAP, but neither want to. My daughter is now scared that OM will get drunk before, or after the wedding and tell someone about him hooking up with the bride (his XGF) one last time.
> 
> Also OM and bride-to-be are in a Manager/Subordinate relationship now and they will both be fired from the company if knowledge of the one night stand gets to top management. Another reason they are hiding it.
> 
> My daughter has made up her mind that she is going to keep her mouth shut *not only because of the wedding* but she does not want to be the one to get them both fired.
> 
> It's like a train wreck that you see coming. You know it is going to be bad, but you just can't look away.
> 
> Edit: My daughter (31 yrs) says she has definitely made up her mind to never get married. She says the risks are not worth it with what she has seen.


So is your daughter still planning on being in the wedding party knowing this?


----------



## TAMAT

The OM is ATTENDING THE WEDDING!

She has never detached emotionally from the OM, please do the groom the greatest favor you can and drop a dime, this stinks.

There is a good chance the bride hooked up with the OM periodically during her courtship with the groom, but perhaps gave OM up for 3 months or something to be fresh and clean for her wedding ceremony, and that's what she is upset about.

Tamat


----------



## TaDor

Okay, just got the update.

The bride has already screwed up royally... either she and the OM tell the betrayed groom ASAP and decide a course of action... and risk being fired now. Or when the future husband finds out - he goes ballistic and tells HR and both cheaters are fired anyway.

A week before the wedding? Its screwed up. Why WHY would she do something so stupid?! I guess when she was drunk, "Lets get one last F in with another man before I get married"?! Many women and men have done this just before they get married, which in anyone's book, is very much STILL cheating and likely they will cheat later.

Its like the "sex before marriage loop-hole" : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfRtkCGE40A (video has curse words)

This bride has severely created a total mess, with no way to win. If it was a month or more before the wedding, it gives them time and chance to see if the relationship can be saved. But less than 7 days before the most wonderful day in her life?

If she never tells him, she goes to the wedding feeling like a turd... with that worry forever that she'll be found out.

At best, SHE should quit her job - even if she never tells her "husband". If she tells him before or after the wedding - she SHOULD agree to QUIT the company to have a chance to repair her relationship. Sooner or later, she's going to get fired anyway.

She has pretty much doomed her marriage before it started with the path she is going... This is a sadly spectacular train wreck about to happen. And she screwed no matter what she does. Oh well. The person less likely hurt of course is.... the OM.


----------



## farsidejunky

stephscarlett said:


> ppl can't give consent when they're drunk.


And if they were both drunk, he has as much right to say he was forced as she does.

She admitted to consent. For the intent of this thread, that should be enough, no?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## TDSC60

TADOR - if HR finds out about this ONS then they are both going to be fired as bride and OM are now in a Manager/Supervisor relationship in the company. He is higher up in another office, but she is still an office Supervisor in his chain of command. I am not sure, but I am beginning to suspect that she may have broken up with him years ago so she could take a promotion (speculation). 

Drunk or not, if she can't keep her panties on around him she has no business getting married. I don't think I could get drunk enough to betray by wife.

I have learned that about 10-15 people from the company went to the festival as a sort of loose group of friends. The fiance was out of town on business. My daughter was there also (I did not know this until now) she says that they all kind of kept splitting up in smaller groups as a few would want to go to a different bar or restaurant for different things. Then the groups would run into each other walking from one place to the next. Sometime during all this, the two idiots disappeared. My daughter left early because she stays away from alcohol due to a DUI 5 years ago. 

I am doing my best to find a way to inform the groom. I know his first name, but not his last. Nor do I know the department he works in. 

I have been researching the company on-line and think I have found him (at least it is the only male listed with the correct first name). Now I have to go to the library and use a computer to create another email account so my finger prints are not all over the disclosure.


----------



## Be smart

This poor man deserves to know. Send him an e-mail or letter. 

This is not her first Affair I belive. She is only scared because some people saw them at the party. 

What is even worse he was her ex-boydriend and they are working together.

Also this poor guy have no idea what is going on and why two of them or more are laughing behind his back. I am really sad.

She is now switching between her stories. First she could not remember anything but another day she told more excuses.

I know she is your daughters boss but tell her to be careful around her. She is not a good woman my friend.


----------



## Hope1964

Your daughter needs to drop out of the wedding party NOW.


----------



## TDSC60

Hope1964 said:


> Your daughter needs to drop out of the wedding party NOW.


I agree - but that will not happen. This woman is her boss. My daughter still has to make her payments. So it becomes a matter of is doing the right thing and trying to protect someone else from heartbreak worth loosing her house because she cannot make the payments?

She has never really cared much what people think of her, and she has good character and morals. But how much should she be expected to loose for doing the right thing? Her job? Her house? Her car? Have to get food stamps. This is not a life or death situation.

Jobs are not that easy to come by around here.

Mercenary I know - but this is a concern.


----------



## harrybrown

If you find his email, let us know and we will find a way to email the poor groom to be.


Hope you do follow thru.

Thanks for helping the groom to know what is going on.


----------



## TDSC60

Just wrote him a letter (unsigned).

Mailing now.

I don't know if he will take it seriously or not. I will be interested to know if she admits the truth if confronted.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening
I'll give someone a pass on pretty much any drunken behavior that didn't directly harm someone if they swear off alcohol.


----------



## TX-SC

TDSC60 said:


> Just wrote him a letter (unsigned).
> 
> Mailing now.
> 
> I don't know if he will take it seriously or not. I will be interested to know if she admits the truth if confronted.


Keep us posted.


----------



## MattMatt

stephscarlett said:


> ppl can't give consent when they're drunk.


Well, depends on how drunk they are.

My bet is she was not as drunk as she claimed.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening
I am a strong believer in separating work and personal issues. I generally don't socialize much with work people for reasons like this. Now that she as agreed to go to the wedding, I think the daughter should go - then try to avoid socializing with people who's behavior she doesn't agree with in the future. 





TDSC60 said:


> I agree - but that will not happen. This woman is her boss. My daughter still has to make her payments. So it becomes a matter of is doing the right thing and trying to protect someone else from heartbreak worth loosing her house because she cannot make the payments?
> 
> She has never really cared much what people think of her, and she has good character and morals. But how much should she be expected to loose for doing the right thing? Her job? Her house? Her car? Have to get food stamps. This is not a life or death situation.
> 
> Jobs are not that easy to come by around here.
> 
> Mercenary I know - but this is a concern.


----------



## TaDor

Wow, so your daughters job is on the line because of the mess of one night from two idiots? At lease she can honestly say "I didn't tell the groom. Any number of people could have seen you two walk off kissing". Its also a matter who else this woman has told her story to.

Hope the email you sent, was vague enough that all he needs to do is ask his bride "honey, is there something you need to tell me about your night out with Tom, going off alone and why you've been acting kind of strange lately"?

For all we know, the groom ends up on this site in the next few weeks or few years. 

BTW: Having office affairs are dangerous for a reason. Some co-workers will support the cheaters, its dis-honesty... and having 3 people in the same company who ends up pulling in about a dozen or so to witness the carnage, geez!


----------



## 86857

TDSC60 said:


> Just wrote him a letter (unsigned).
> Mailing now.
> I don't know if he will take it seriously or not. I will be interested to know if she admits the truth if confronted.


Good work TDSC60. You could be anyone who was there on the night. 
Did you tell your daughter you did this? Bride-to-be may tell your daughter when groom-to-be gets email & all hell breaks loose. Hope daughter maintains her, 'You must be honest & tell him' stance. 
Totally understand your daughter not wanting to lose her job. I wasn't going to lose mine when I spilt the beans or I wouldn't have. I was about to suggest she do anonymous email as there were many people there on the night - other posters beat me to it. 
Lots of discussion about if she was blackout drunk whether it could have/have not happened. Most mentioned 'alcoholic' which I take it she's not. Others said 'when I was 20', 'in college' etc. She's not 20, nor in college, but about to be married and maybe even be a Mum within a year. So when she's married/a Mum & goes out with her gfs might it happen then too?
Had it been a blackout, she needed to tell her future husband so he could go and confront OM. Cos it could have hardly happened if both were blackout drunk. One of them would have to have called the cab, got them home etc.
If she was drugged, same thing. She needed to tell her future husband so they could go to the cops. 
Anyway, it's academic. It was just plain vanilla betrayal. 9 times out of 10 the simple answer is the correct one. 
She's still carries a torch for her ex (OM) and couldn't resist him, even though it's 2 weeks out from her wedding. 
You said, "She's 35 and has never been married". 
My guess is her "getting married/having babies" clock was ticking and current groom-to-be was her chance. She's 'terrified he'll call off the wedding'. The wedding? Nothing about his devastation and what she has done to him. 
Doubt if OM will suggest a relationship to her, let alone marriage when/if this breaks. OM's gotta be one nasty piece of work doing this to another man. Being a big note manager from head office, he probably sweet talks lady employees on all his assignments. And this:


> I am not sure, but I am beginning to suspect that she may have broken up with him [OM] years ago so she could take a promotion (speculation).


Anyway TDSCO, again, well done. You've done all about you can do. . . as @alte Dame said. . . "for a fellow traveller".


----------



## TDSC60

The letter I wrote is an actual physical letter. Remember printing and envelopes and stamps? Delivered by those guys driving around in a truck with eagles on the side that say U.S. Mail. Too many ways to trace emails or electronic communication. It will be delivered Wednesday morning.

My daughter came over after work for a while. We think both have unresolved issues pertaining to the breakup years ago. This does not bode well for the marriage if it still takes place.

I did not mention the letter to her. She can legitimately say she has no idea how the groom found out.

If anything new happens I will update.

Edit: Actually, I think the trucks say "United States Postal Service" on the side, not "US Mail".


----------



## TX-SC

TDSC60 said:


> The letter I wrote is an actual physical letter. Remember printing and envelopes and stamps? Delivered by those guys driving around in a truck with eagles on the side that say U.S. Mail. Too many ways to trace emails or electronic communication. It will be delivered Wednesday morning.
> 
> My daughter came over after work for a while. We think both have unresolved issues pertaining to the breakup years ago. This does not bode well for the marriage if it still takes place.
> 
> I did not mention the letter to her. She can legitimately say she has no idea how the groom found out.
> 
> If anything new happens I will update.


Wow, totally rockin it old school with paper and stamps!!! I like your style. 

I hope you were specific enough to get his attention.


----------



## TDSC60

Very specific. First names, date, St Patrick's festival, where groom was at the time.


----------



## TaDor

If its basic un-labeled mail, will he open it or toss it? Or did you mail it express? I tend to throw out mysterious mail as spam. For $3 cash, USPS next day would make sure it caught his attention.


----------



## MAJDEATH

TaDor said:


> ThePheonix said:
> 
> 
> 
> Let's see if I can come up with a defense for this bride to be when (not if) her future hubby finds out. How about, " look baby, since I don't remember anything about it, its the same as if it never happened. "
> 
> 
> 
> Just want to point out, even thou I said the situation may really be an accident ONS due to stupid drinking or drugged, I am not saying she gets a get-out-of-jail free card. She shouldn't pretend it didn't happen.
> 
> And if it was an accidental ONS, she's got issues to work out with herself as its a form of NC sex.
Click to expand...

What the hell is an "accidental ONS"? And from the updated info we can rule out drug use. Sounds like she wanted to start the Bachelorette party early, and get one more F in before the wedding.

She needs to tell her fiancee that she made a mistake, but wanted to be honest. And she needs to find another job.


----------



## jim123

You should have waited as there will be more after the bachelorette party this weekend. She is a near lock to sleep with the stripper.


----------



## TaDor

What if there are two strippers!?


----------



## larry.gray

stephscarlett said:


> ppl can't give consent when they're drunk.


Is your position gender neutral? Would you give your husband a free pass if he pulled out the "I was pass out drunk" card?

Or is it only true that evel men take advantage of innocent drunk women?


----------



## Decorum

stephscarlett said:


> ppl can't give consent when they're drunk.





larry.gray said:


> Is your position gender neutral? Would you give your husband a free pass if he pulled out the "I was pass out drunk" card?
> 
> Or is it only true that evel men take advantage of innocent drunk women?


Exactly, and if I consent to kill your partner fo $10x when I am drunk, do the act and admit I did it freely afterwards, I still am not culpable because I was in no position to give concent?

Did you read the thread? Are you just preprogrammed to make certain statements with no critical thinking when certain topics arise?

Seems like people are succumbing to becoming human troll bots around certain issues anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## manfromlamancha

OK here are my observations:

This wedding should not be happening. The bride to be is of very loose morals and shouldn't be marrying.


The POSOM is a player and an abuser - he abuses his position of power (this probably makes him attractive to the loose-moralled bride to be). He needs to be taken down.


If your daughter's job is threatened by her boss (the bride to be) then she too is an abuser and needs to be taken down.


Your daughter needs to get proof and get the two of them fired! Not cower behind being afraid and doing the wrong thing.


Its good that you wrote the letter, you should have sent a copy to HR too.


----------



## metallicaluvr

you are my hero for going the extra mile to tell him.


----------



## WhyMe66

TDSC60 said:


> Drugs crossed my mind when my daughter said the woman did not even remember going home with the guy. Then I thought they both got totally wasted, inhibitions dissolved, and so on. I really don't know enough to say what actually happened other than the bride to be had sex with another man a few weeks before the wedding.
> 
> The guy she had sex with does know about the upcoming wedding and is "friends" with the groom to be as they all work in the same office.


That doesn't meet my standard for friendship... If she doesn't remember going home with him how does she remember having sex? And if she was drugged, and most date rape drugs are out of the system in 24-72 hours so no point testing for them now, then it was not consensual and she would do well to talk to a Sexual Assault counselor. As well as being tested for STDs. But either way-fling or assault-she needs to tell him. He at least needs to know about his 'bro.' I wouldn't trust this guy if he told me the sky was blue.


----------



## aine

TDSC60 said:


> I agree - but that will not happen. This woman is her boss. My daughter still has to make her payments. So it becomes a matter of is doing the right thing and trying to protect someone else from heartbreak worth loosing her house because she cannot make the payments?
> 
> She has never really cared much what people think of her, and she has good character and morals. But how much should she be expected to loose for doing the right thing? Her job? Her house? Her car? Have to get food stamps. This is not a life or death situation.
> 
> Jobs are not that easy to come by around here.
> 
> Mercenary I know - but this is a concern.



You are right, she hasn't done anything wrong and should not have to 'pay' for what others have done. Further if you do send the annoymous tip it may seem suspicious if your daughter left suddenly.


----------



## MAJDEATH

If your daughter plays this right, she could get them all fired, and receive 2 promotions for "protecting the company from immoral/unethical behavior by employees".


----------



## TDSC60

TaDor said:


> If its basic un-labeled mail, will he open it or toss it? Or did you mail it express? I tend to throw out mysterious mail as spam. For $3 cash, USPS next day would make sure it caught his attention.


Sent it by Priority Mail.


----------



## Thor

TDSC60 said:


> Damn - I didn't even think about possible STDs.


Some STDs take up to 6 months before a negative test is considered valid. HIV for sure, and I think HSV and maybe hepatitis. Anyhow, HIV is certainly a serious illness and he could catch it from her for the next 6 months even though she may test negative before the wedding.

The guy needs to know simply for his own health.


----------



## MAJDEATH

Did they use protection? She might have caught a disease and a baby.


----------



## TaDor

There has been a number to times my wife woke me up and had sex (very good sex too) with me - while she was drunk. Then not remember it at all. 

So there is still a chance, the sex was not on purpose - just stupid drunk... and the exBF took advantage of that. Who knows?!


----------



## Marduk

TaDor said:


> So there is still a chance, the sex was not on purpose - just stupid drunk... and the exBF took advantage of that. Who knows?!


I don't buy it.

I've had drunk sex lots of times. But here's the thing... I always went out looking for sex and then got drunk.

Only a few times did it ever happen accidentally with a friend, where I totally didn't mean for it to happen.

But here's the thing. Even then, they were hot, I was attracted to them, and I actually wanted to have sex with them. And I went out and got loaded with them knowing that was a possible outcome.

Even if she didn't 'mean' for it to happen, she was obviously open to it, and showed extremely poor judgement going out drinking with her ex before she got married.

And that seems to be this chick's norm. Who invites an ex to your wedding anyway?


----------



## TDSC60

Letter should be delivered today. No word yet.

I don't think the bride-to-be got into the mechanics of the act (who did what, if protection was used) with my daughter. So I really can't answer those types of questions.

It was basically - my daughter found her sobbing in the bathroom and asked if she was OK. Then all she said was "I ****ed up bad! I got drunk and had sex with XBF on St Patrick's day".


----------



## Marduk

TDSC60 said:


> Letter should be delivered today. No word yet.
> 
> I don't think the bride-to-be got into the mechanics of the act (who did what, if protection was used) with my daughter. So I really can't answer those types of questions.
> 
> It was basically - my daughter found her sobbing in the bathroom and asked if she was OK. Then all she said was "I ****ed up bad! I got drunk and had sex with XBF on St Patrick's day".


You outed your daughter?


----------



## happyman64

marduk said:


> You outed your daughter?


No. He said that a number of people from the office noticed those two had disappeared......

They all know they slept together. Especially if the fiancé was crying in the ladies room.

Typical selfish woman that worries about her self after the fact.

She should not get married making decisions like that.


----------



## TDSC60

marduk said:


> You outed your daughter?


Oh no. My daughter was not mentioned in the letter that was sent unsigned (anonymous). I even drove to the next town over to mail it so the postmark is not from the city we live in. Several people where in the office group that went to the St Patty Day festival and they all saw them together and noticed that they disappeared together. Also several have noticed the maybe-future-bride's behavior in the office since that day.

My daughter is not aware that I sent the letter and I don't intend to tell her. But I am sure I will hear if the shyte hits the fan today.


----------



## TX-SC

Let us know what happens. It sounds like the bride to be knew what she was doing.


----------



## TDSC60

TX-SC said:


> Let us know what happens. It sounds like the bride to be knew what she was doing.


No explosion so far. I really hope he got the letter.


----------



## TX-SC

TDSC60 said:


> No explosion so far. I really hope he got the letter.


You did what you could. Let's just hope it works. But even if it doesn't, you can at least say you tried.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> No explosion so far. I really hope he got the letter.


I'd probably send a letter a day -- each sent from a different neighboring town -- until the day of the wedding.

Along w/ another disguised as a wedding gift.

You know... _juuuuust_ to be sure.


----------



## bankshot1993

TDSC60 said:


> No explosion so far. I really hope he got the letter.


Are you sure the letter couldn't have been dismissed? You said you didn't out your daughter which means you wouldn't have included anything that was told to her in confidence. That means all you had left was that they maybe were flirting all night and were seen leaving together. That could be pretty easily explaind by her and written off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tobyboy

Might be a good idea to move this thread to private.....just in case!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Marduk

You sent the letter. You did your job, which is more than most would do.

Now it's the groom's job to either act on it or not.


----------



## TX-SC

Any word?


----------



## TDSC60

They are all traveling to the wedding location today. About 100 miles away. Just found out the wedding is tomorrow - April Fool's Day - somewhat ironic I think.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> They are all traveling to the wedding location today. About 100 miles away. Just found out the wedding is tomorrow - April Fool's Day - somewhat ironic I think.


Ha!


----------



## TX-SC

TDSC60 said:


> They are all traveling to the wedding location today. About 100 miles away. Just found out the wedding is tomorrow - April Fool's Day - somewhat ironic I think.


Oh well, you did your best.


----------



## TAMAT

TDS,

The groom can still get an annulment.

So you are not too late, be sure to put the number of local polygraph operator in the next letter.

Along with the address of the county STD clinic and DNA testing.

Tamat


----------



## Palodyne

Well, he will have some interesting reading material when he gets back from his honeymoon. I can't believe she is going through with the wedding without telling him. It's things like this that makes me glad I quit dating 25 years ago.

I agree with TAMAT, he can get an annulment.


----------



## MAJDEATH

Tell your daughter to object during that portion of the wedding ceremony.


----------



## Satya

Just a train wreck waiting to happen. So sad.


----------



## TDSC60

I have done everything I can do and remain anonymous.

The only hope for the groom is if he got the letter and is waiting for a critical moment to say "She screwed XBF a couple of weeks ago, so Hell NO, I do not take her as my wife".

Wedding is taking place in two hours. I expect a call tonight from daughter to let me know how it went down.


----------



## 86857

Groom may have the letter & is in denial. Denial easy for BS as truth is too hard. He may say letter is from someone who doesn't like bride, or him, or is from female who fancies him. 

If bride can't cover her distress with friends/colleagues. . . groom may pick up on it.
Or it will come out in office whispers. I think people will be unable to resist as it's so 'off'.
Or the bride will confess. 
And the ex, OM will be at the wedding. . . :slap: 
She could have asked him not to go but would look suspicious to groom I suppose. 

It's so sad. Possible R in the first week of marriage. I can't imagine there in my wedding dress, making my vows with OM among the guests. OM sure is a *&%#%&*. 

It's as nasty as it gets & I hope groom doesn't R if it comes out. 
I would NEVER be able to get over that. Wedding will forever be a complete farce . 
Kudos @TDSC60 for going to all that trouble & making it untraceable.


----------



## MAJDEATH

It could be worse I suppose. My former best friend brought a date to one of his weddings.


----------



## JohnA

Really a date? Didn't John Candy in that in mermaid? Geart story though but it faiis into the if such a story isn't true, such a story should be true category.


----------



## JohnA

At this point you might want to send a copy of to OM.


----------



## GusPolinski

JohnA said:


> Really a date? Didn't John Candy in that in mermaid? Geart story though but it faiis into the if such a story isn't true, such a story should be true category.


How dare you.

John Candy would _never_ do such a thing.

NEVER, I SAY!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

GusPolinski said:


> How dare you.
> 
> John Candy would _never_ do such a thing.
> 
> NEVER, I SAY!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me thinks the Candy doth protest too much!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Marduk

GusPolinski said:


> How dare you.
> 
> John Candy would _never_ do such a thing.
> 
> NEVER, I SAY!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JohnA

Yea, sorry Gus candy is guilty. What twenty years later and it still cracks me up. Things that crack us up are more valuable then gold. 

Can see hank looking at candy and saying " but you brought a date to one of your weddings". My brother knew a guy like that. On the occasion when he was asked why he was marring for the fourth time he respond ' going to keep doing it until it I get it right". Something very american in that response.


----------



## Hope1964

I'm off work in an hour and I keep checking back here because I REALLY want to hear about major drama going down at that ceremony before I sign off for the weekend.


----------



## GusPolinski

Hope1964 said:


> I'm off work in an hour and *I keep checking back here because I REALLY want to hear about major drama going down at that ceremony* before I sign off for the weekend.


Ditto.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor

Letter put in the mailbox Monday, the groom left for the wedding location on Thursday. There's a good chance he didn't open the letter yet. If mailed to his office, there will be a delay from arriving in the building to showing up on his desk. If it arrived in his office on Thursday he may have left opening it until after the wedding. He's a boss of some sort and may have a secretary or assistant who opened it and tossed it as a crank, or who may have known the bride and tossed it to protect her.

There are many scenarios where he hasn't read the letter.

Or maybe he did and dismissed it. That would be on him.


----------



## tom67

Thor said:


> Letter put in the mailbox Monday, the groom left for the wedding location on Thursday. There's a good chance he didn't open the letter yet. If mailed to his office, there will be a delay from arriving in the building to showing up on his desk. If it arrived in his office on Thursday he may have left opening it until after the wedding. He's a boss of some sort and may have a secretary or assistant who opened it and tossed it as a crank, or who may have known the bride and tossed it to protect her.
> 
> There are many scenarios where he hasn't read the letter.
> 
> Or maybe he did and dismissed it. That would be on him.


:iagree: 
Grab the popcorn... :surprise:


----------



## TDSC60

Evidently the wedding took place without any drama. Poor now-husband still has no clue or knows and doesn't care.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> Evidently the wedding took place without any drama. Poor now-husband still has no clue or knows and doesn't care.


That poor, stupid, naive bastard.

I give it 3 months max before she's back at it.

Hopefully the letter will find him soon.


----------



## Decorum

TD do you know if they are leaving for a honeymoon right away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

GusPolinski said:


> That poor, stupid, naive bastard.
> 
> I give it 3 months max before she's back at it.
> 
> Hopefully the letter will find him soon.


You can lead the simp, I mean horse to water...


----------



## Palodyne

I bet he hasn't found and read the letter yet. I can't in my wildest imagination, think a guy would get a letter about his brides infidelity, and just dismiss it and move forward. I bet he finds the letter when he gets home for the honeymoon and all hell breaks loose.


----------



## TDSC60

Decorum said:


> TD do you know if they are leaving for a honeymoon right away?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not sure.


----------



## TDSC60

Palodyne said:


> I bet he hasn't found and read the letter yet. I can't in my wildest imagination, think a guy would get a letter about his brides infidelity, and just dismiss it and move forward. I bet he finds the letter when he gets home for the honeymoon and all hell breaks loose.


Possible, I sent it Priority Mail with a tracking number so I could check on-line. It was delivered to his office Wednesday.

It may be sitting on his desk. Or he may have opened it just did not care. I don't understand people today. Maybe the wedding vows mean nothing to either one of them. Who knows?

I'll find out more when daughter returns Sunday.


----------



## MAJDEATH

I would be more mad if close family/friends knew and didn't tell me! Could've saved a bundle on the wedding.

I'm still pissed that my Dad saw OM leaving my house early one morning and didn't tell me for 12 yrs.


----------



## TDSC60

MAJDEATH said:


> I would be more mad if close family/friends knew and didn't tell me! Could've saved a bundle on the wedding.
> 
> I'm still pissed that my Dad saw OM leaving my house early one morning and didn't tell me for 12 yrs.


Why did he not tell you?


----------



## TDSC60

I just spoke to my daughter. She had called last night after the wedding just to say everything went OK. Today she told me that the bride-to-be was so stressed, ashamed, hating herself that she could not let the groom marry her without confessing to him and begging him to forgive her.

She told him what happened Wednesday night. She told him everything and swore she would spend the rest of her life making it up to him if he could forgive her.

I have to say that was unexpected and took some courage. 

Evidently the groom was shocked and pissed and mad as hell. He told her he needed to be alone for a while. He went out for a drive and came back 3 hours latter. Told her that he loves her and will marry her but that she just got her one and only hall pass.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> I just spoke to my daughter. She had called last night after the wedding just to say everything went OK. Today she told me that the bride-to-be was so stressed, ashamed, hating herself that she could not let the groom marry her without confessing to him and begging him to forgive her.
> 
> She told him what happened Wednesday night. She told him everything and swore she would spend the rest of her life making it up to him if he could forgive her.
> 
> *I have to say that was unexpected and took some courage.*
> 
> Evidently the groom was shocked and pissed and mad as hell. He told her he needed to be alone for a while. He went out for a drive and came back 3 hours latter. Told her that he loves her and will marry her but that she just got her one and only hall pass.


I'll agree w/ the part in bold. Still, it's bullsh*t that she waited until TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING to confess.

Either way... what a f*cking chump. Oh well. From here on out, it's on him.

BTW, did OM show up to the wedding after all?

Any talk of the chump's new bride getting a new job so that she doesn't work w/ OM anymore?

Can't help but wonder how the honeymoon is going...


----------



## TDSC60

Did not ask if OM attended the wedding.

As for a new job, OM works at company HQ a couple of States away. He was here because the local office is relatively new and just getting started. He was here to help with the start-up and will be leaving next week.

Daughter get home Sunday. I have lots of questions for her.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> Did not ask if OM attended the wedding.
> 
> *As for a new job, OM works at company HQ a couple of States away. He was here because the local office is relatively new and just getting started. He was here to help with the start-up and will be leaving next week.*
> 
> Daughter get home Sunday. I have lots of questions for her.


Shouldn't matter to anyone w/ even half a brain, IMO, as he's still in the chain of command, so to speak, to say nothing of the opportunities for clandestine communications via work-supplied phones, computers, etc.


----------



## 86857

Still thinking of the groom. It sucks so bad. 
In R from 2 days before the wedding. 
They'll never have a wedding day they can look back on with joy. Wedding anniversaries won't necessarily be something to celebrate & certainly not St Patrick's day which will be triggers for him. 

Bride only gave him 2 days notice as the less time he had to think of it the less chance there was of him cancelling it. 
Bride didn't want that sort of showdown. I guess the groom wouldn't either, or maybe he would if he'd had more time to reflect on it. 
It happened on March 17, so 2 weeks before the wedding. 

Anyway, it's good that she confessed. It's very rare in a WS, is that right? I don't recall reading about too many WS confessions on here. So she may be a 100% remorseful WS. 

Either way they have the hard road of R ahead. 
Such a shame.


----------



## 3putt

I'd let this go. If this guy is dumb enough to marry her after this then he pretty much deserves what he gets.

He needs to be b!tch slapped just for being an idiot.


----------



## Decorum

"Do you promise to ummm....u know."
"I will from this point on"

Maybe in hindsight, if someone is bound and determined to go through with marrying the bride in spite of her..ah hem "mistake", go through the ceremony but dont sign the license, wait (a year?), and go to a Justice of the Peace, Courthouse, or whatever and get er done if it makes sence.

What a crappy way to start a life together, maaaan!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Satya

I just don't understand how the groom could sincerely say vows after such an admission, mere days before the ceremony. Inside, he must know it's a joke. 

Either that or he spent his 3 hours getting "revenge" and feels things are even now. I hate to think.


----------



## 3putt

Decorum said:


> "Do you promise to ummm....u know."
> "I will from this point on"
> 
> Maybe in hindsight, if someone is bound and determined to go through with marrying the bride in spite of her..ah hem "mistake", go through the ceremony but dont sign the license, wait (a year?), and go to a Justice of the Peace, Courthouse, or whatever and get er done if it makes sence.
> 
> What a crappy way to start a life together, maaaan!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have to wonder what the look on their faces and thoughts running through both their minds were when she vowed to 'forsake all others'.

How do either of them do this with a straight face?


----------



## Decorum

He may have to wear a rain coat all week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

3putt said:


> I have to wonder what the look on their faces and thoughts running through both their minds were when she vowed to 'forsake all others'.
> 
> How do either of them do this with a straight face?


Does everyone know?
He has to wonder, he will once he gets the letter.

I am gonna leave it there and back away now, its sad and I feel a bout of sardonic gabbyitus comming on.

I am glad the truth came out, best wishes to everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski

Decorum said:


> He may have to wear a rain coat all week.


LOL... hadn't even thought of that.

Nothing says "I picked a gal with solid values" like wearing condoms on your honeymoon and getting STD tests as soon as you get back home.

I'll say it again --

What a chump.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3putt

GusPolinski said:


> LOL... hadn't even thought of that.
> 
> Nothing says "I picked a gal with solid values" like wearing condoms on your honeymoon and getting STD tests as soon as you get back home.
> 
> I'll say it again --
> 
> What a chump.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No sh!t. This is incredible.


----------



## Whip Morgan

Did your daughter witness this happening , or did the cheating woman just tell this story to your daughter?


----------



## larry.gray

No dude should be thinking about what was recently in their bride's mouth when the preacher says "you may now kiss the bride."


----------



## bandit.45

He's in shock. 

When the shock lessons the anger will set in. This will not be a pleasant honeymoon.


----------



## GusPolinski

Suddenly wondering whether she confessed to having cheated or having cheated w/ OM.

That would be one helluva detail to leave out.

Guess he'll find out for sure once he sees the letter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

When he finds the letter he is going to realize just how many people know about her ONS with the boss/exbf.

Then the BS is really going to be pissed off.......


----------



## TDSC60

Whip Morgan said:


> Did your daughter witness this happening , or did the cheating woman just tell this story to your daughter?


The woman told her what happened.
She could have lied......but why would she.


----------



## Whip Morgan

If she is concerned that your daughter would inform the BS of the truth, I can easily see why she'd lie and make this story up


----------



## TDSC60

Anything is possible.

If she has been so torn up and guilt ridden since sleeping with XBF, why wait until just before the wedding for a confession?

What man in his right mind would go through with a wedding to a woman who just told him that she had drunken sex with XBF two weeks ago? That is like say "You can't trust me not to f*ck an XBF behind your back, but let's get married anyway".

None of it makes sense to me.


----------



## Thor

Perhaps the letter was intercepted before he saw it and the bride to be found out. So she was forced to confess before he read the letter. Or maybe she is playing a high stakes game with your daughter and telling her she confessed so your daughter doesn't say anything to her hubby. If your daughter thinks he knows about it, she has no reason to tell him.

Somehow though this isn't going to end well.


----------



## alte Dame

I think he was probably in the standard shock, as bandit noted. You react by wanting to rope the WS back in, but then the new reality sets in. I think this marriage is doomed.


----------



## TDSC60

Daughter just got back.

She says both appeared happy and loving at the ceremony and the reception.

Fun fact: XBF was drunk from dawn until he passed out in the evening both days. But he kept his mouth shut. Daughter thinks that the bride and groom told him to go away and not to contact either of them again.

Husband and wife are honeymooning on one of the Caribbean Islands (Antiqua?).

I agree with all of you. This marriage is not one I care bet on for longevity. 

XBF definitely has unresolved issues with bride. Can he refrain from attempting contact with her in the future? I am betting he cannot. He will attempt to contact her in a couple of months or even a year from now.

Bride appears to have unresolved issues with XBF. Can she turn a blind eye and tell him to go away when he attempts contact in the future? Or will she think it is OK to be "just friends". Will she tell her husband when XBF reaches out to her? I don't know.

Like many have said, the groom is in shock and saw a chance to "win her back". When things settle down and he gets a chance to think rationally, will he regret this decision?

I will leave this thread open for a couple of weeks. At least until they return to work. Then if no more immediate drama, I will delete it.


----------



## TaDor

Why delete it? Its a good story and shows how to handle such a situation.... sending a letter, etc.


----------



## GusPolinski

Well...

I hope the wedding didn't cost very much.


----------



## 86857

TDSC60 said:


> Anything is possible.
> 
> If she has been so torn up and guilt ridden since sleeping with XBF, why wait until just before the wedding for a confession?
> 
> What man in his right mind would go through with a wedding to a woman who just told him that she had drunken sex with XBF two weeks ago? That is like say "You can't trust me not to f*ck an XBF behind your back, but let's get married anyway".
> 
> None of it makes sense to me.


A simple explanation TDSC60. . . cos the simple answer is usually the correct one. . . the groom just doesn't know yet. 
The fact that OM showed up tells me groom doesn't know. First thing groom would have said when bride told him re hookup with ex would surely be, 
"Well, that [email protected]&%#*% ain't coming to my wedding". 
Guy posters? Don't you think so? 

More complicated explanation, family pressure. 
The night before the Royal Wedding back in 1981, Princess Diana (who had found out about 'Horseface', as I call her, Camilla) said, 
"My face is on the tea towels so I have to go through with it." 
Admittedly, the whole world was watching but posters, y'all know about family pressure. Imagine telling Mama & Papa on both sides 2 days before, "Hey guys, wedding is cancelled."
The shame of it. . . guests having spent money on wedding gifts, new outfits for wedding, flights/long-distance drives to get there blah blah. Parents would be SO embarrassed. 

To save my parent's embarrassment, I'd have gone through with it & then got out of it ASAP. . . or like 99% of BS, hold out a faint hope for R as @alteDame pointed out:


alte Dame said:


> I think he was probably in the standard shock, as bandit noted. You react by wanting to rope the WS back in, but then the new reality sets in. I think this marriage is doomed.


Don't y'all remember the shock of D-Day? I sure do. Ain't possible to think rationally with a 'normal D-Day. . . but a D-Day just 2 days before the wedding???

I put 100% blame on bride for proceeding with the wedding. She should have called it off the day after she slept with OM. But WS rarely do the 'decent' thing. Nature of the beast.


----------



## Whip Morgan

I don't believe the story that this woman told your daughter about coming clean, but stranger things have happened. TDS, I commend your efforts to help this poor bastard. You've done what you could, hopefully he'll get the letter.


----------



## SunCMars

TDSC60 said:


> I just spoke to my daughter. She had called last night after the wedding just to say everything went OK. Today she told me that the bride-to-be was so stressed, ashamed, hating herself that she could not let the groom marry her without confessing to him and begging him to forgive her.
> 
> She told him what happened Wednesday night. She told him everything and swore she would spend the rest of her life making it up to him if he could forgive her.
> 
> I have to say that was unexpected and took some courage.
> 
> Evidently the groom was shocked and pissed and mad as hell. He told her he needed to be alone for a while. He went out for a drive and came back 3 hours latter. Told her that he loves her and will marry her but that she just got her one and only hall pass.


Some people will call the groom a stupid naive bastard.


I agree with all but the bastard part. That epithet is earmarked for the new WW and the co-worker POS-OM.

I give this marriage a year at most. 

The groom went ahead with the marriage because he had no time or opportunity to jump off the nearest skyscraper. He put every one else's feelings ahead of his own. A Noble Heart.

His honeymoon will be a bitter and somber "Lunar Eclipse".

The bright future with this women was laid waste by the selfish action 
of said sad bride. 

She did this. That self inflicted shot to her loins will scar over, bringing a barren outcome to this laid-open wound of a union.


----------



## TDSC60

GusPolinski said:


> Well...
> 
> I hope the wedding didn't cost very much.


More than $50,000 is what daughter has told me.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> More than $50,000 is what daughter has told me.


Ugh.

That's one expensive letdown.


----------



## TDSC60

Yeah. I could get a new Dodge Ram pick up with that.


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> Yeah. I could get a new Dodge Ram pick up with that.


And a Chevy to tow it.

:lol: :rofl:


----------



## TDSC60

GusPolinski said:


> And a Chevy to tow it.
> 
> :lol: :rofl:


I take it you're a bowtie man?


----------



## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> I take it you're a bowtie man?


Got 2 Silverados in the driveway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## farsidejunky

GusPolinski said:


> And a Chevy to tow it.
> 
> :rofl:


Touche...










Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## GusPolinski

farsidejunky said:


> Touche...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


Ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

farsidejunky said:


> Touche...


2015 Ford F-150 vs. 2015 Chevrolet Silverado 1500, 2015 Ram 1500, 2014 Toyota Tundra Comparison Tests - Page 4 - Car and Driver

"Our scoring has the Silverado finishing behind the F-150. The Chevy is good enough that something as simple as a styling preference or the need for your business to use magnetized signs on the truck’s doors could sway a purchase without regrets. This is a truck that’s easy to embrace. It knows what it wants to be."


Gus must need door magnets!









_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Marduk

TDSC60 said:


> I just spoke to my daughter. She had called last night after the wedding just to say everything went OK. Today she told me that the bride-to-be was so stressed, ashamed, hating herself that she could not let the groom marry her without confessing to him and begging him to forgive her.
> 
> She told him what happened Wednesday night. She told him everything and swore she would spend the rest of her life making it up to him if he could forgive her.
> 
> I have to say that was unexpected and took some courage.
> 
> Evidently the groom was shocked and pissed and mad as hell. He told her he needed to be alone for a while. He went out for a drive and came back 3 hours latter. Told her that he loves her and will marry her but that she just got her one and only hall pass.


Well, at least she had the ovaries to tell him.

But to get off that easy?

6 months before she does it again.

Or he was cheating on her as well and got his "get out of jail free card."

Or is just a sucker.


----------



## GusPolinski

Decorum said:


> 2015 Ford F-150 vs. 2015 Chevrolet Silverado 1500, 2015 Ram 1500, 2014 Toyota Tundra Comparison Tests - Page 4 - Car and Driver
> 
> "Our scoring has the Silverado finishing behind the F-150. The Chevy is good enough that something as simple as a styling preference or the need for your business to use magnetized signs on the truck’s doors could sway a purchase without regrets. This is a truck that’s easy to embrace. It knows what it wants to be."
> 
> 
> Gus must need door magnets!


Ha!

What's funny about that last comment is that Mrs. Gus actually has a couple of door magnets on her truck.

Anyway, my last truck was an F-150. I loved, Loved, LOVED it. And, if I'm being honest, I still have a thing for Fords. Hell, my F-150 had a few things that I wish my Silverado had. It's mostly trivial stuff, though.

My first truck was a Mazda B2000, which was basically a re-branded Ford Ranger. To this day, the Ranger is my absolutely favorite truck of all time, and I was sad when Ford stopped making them. 

I wound up -- very hesitantly -- going w/ Chevy once my best friend bought one for himself. His father is a sales manager at a Chevy dealership in their hometown, and they just sold me on it. This was after Chevrolet took TARP bailout funds and started revamping everything. I don't know that MSRP came down much, but the dealer incentives certainly got better. I wound up getting a pretty good deal on both of our trucks. My buddy's father also threw in a few extras at no charge.

My BIL was a die-hard Dodge guy and wound up buying a brand new Ford F-150 FX2 last year. It's VERY nice, but he's had nothing but trouble w/ it, and the dealer has been jerking him around on warranty repairs. Eventually they're going to wind up having to replace it. I guess he just got a lemon.


----------



## Fitnessfan

I highly doubt she told him. There is no way the OM would have been at wedding and I doubt wedding would have even occurred. She just said that to avoid the daughter telling him herself.


----------



## Clay2013

TDSC60 said:


> Yeah. I could get a new Dodge Ram pick up with that.


nah 2014 Corvette Stingray  

They are going for about that on Cars.com these days  

They are a lot more fun and they wont cheat on you. Win/Win in my opinion. 

C


----------



## TDSC60

marduk said:


> Well, at least she had the ovaries to tell him.
> 
> But to get off that easy?
> 
> 6 months before she does it again.
> 
> Or he was cheating on her as well and got his "get out of jail free card."
> 
> Or is just a sucker.


So many options to choose from.

Obviously no one was a fly on the wall when she told him about the XBF. So all we have to go on is what she told my daughter.

This from my daughter. Things she saw first hand;

1. Groom did seem to disappear for several hours the night bride claims she confessed and bride was going nuts. Crying and texting and calling him the whole time.

2. OM (XBF) was at the wedding but kept his distance during the reception. He made good use of the open bar.

3. Bride and groom both seemed happy and content at the wedding and reception.

Whatever happened between the bride and groom (and I am pretty sure something did happen) they seem to have moved on.

But I would place a substantial amount of money on this not being the end of drama with XBF. He seems a little nuts and the bride (drunk or not) gave him enough to feed his obsession with her.

Also, the bride's obsession with the XBF is probably not over. Could be on the back burner for a while - but not done.

Have to wait and see.


----------



## Marduk

She didn't tell him the whole story. 

I guarantee it was "I only kissed him."

Otherwise, he would have gone ballistic at the wedding and reception if the guy was there.

He's going to come home and read your letter and put 2 and 2 together. 

And then hopefully annul this thing. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## workindad

I agree with the above. No way she told him the truth and he would have tolerated POSOM at the wedding. 

She is either lying about telling him anything and hoping to stop anyone else from possibly outing her or she minimized the heck out of it.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

TDSC60 said:


> The woman told her what happened.
> She could have lied......but why would she.


 You've been here longer than me, you know it is about the simplest of reasons. 
Tell a lie to get what you want and deal with the ramifications later if at all. She told your daughter this to shut her up and keep the wedding on track. 

Of course OM will most likely contact her. She gave it up right before the wedding, marriage means little to them.


----------



## Decorum

GusPolinski said:


> Ha!
> 
> What's funny about that last comment is that Mrs. Gus actually has a couple of door magnets on her truck.
> 
> Anyway, my last truck was an F-150. I loved, Loved, LOVED it. And, if I'm being honest, I still have a thing for Fords. Hell, my F-150 had a few things that I wish my Silverado had. It's mostly trivial stuff, though.
> 
> My first truck was a Mazda B2000, which was basically a re-branded Ford Ranger. To this day, the Ranger is my absolutely favorite truck of all time, and I was sad when Ford stopped making them.
> 
> I wound up -- very hesitantly -- going w/ Chevy once my best friend bought one for himself. His father is a sales manager at a Chevy dealership in their hometown, and they just sold me on it. This was after Chevrolet took TARP bailout funds and started revamping everything. I don't know that MSRP came down much, but the dealer incentives certainly got better. I wound up getting a pretty good deal on both of our trucks. My buddy's father also threw in a few extras at no charge.
> 
> My BIL was a die-hard Dodge guy and wound up buying a brand new Ford F-150 FX2 last year. It's VERY nice, but he's had nothing but trouble w/ it, and the dealer has been jerking him around on warranty repairs. Eventually they're going to wind up having to replace it. I guess he just got a lemon.



Yeah the Mazda/Ranger was very nice. It just got to the point where the price/performance of the Ranger/F150 were so close that they felt they were competing with each other. I always argued that people with small garages like the Ranger ha ha.

Sorry to hear about your friend, it's hit or miss with dealerships, and the truck, thats disappointing too, tell him to buy a truck built on a Wednesday.

Seriously if he gets no satisfaction let me know, he can probably call a corporate number for help, if they dont follow through after the 3 tries.


Ford didnt take the Govmoney, but were leveraged to the Blue Oval, but they have really truned it around.


Truly the trucks you bought are awesome vehicles.

So drive with pride brother!

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix

TDSC60 said:


> Also, the bride's obsession with the XBF is probably not over. Could be on the back burner for a while - but not done.
> 
> Have to wait and see.


Ya, that's true. I hope it works out for him, et cetera. But back to the trucks. I've own three over my nearly fifty years and still have all three; a 70 Chevy C-10 stepside (now doing an off frame restoration), a 94 GMC Z-71, (on frame restoration by summers end but its damn near cherry) and 2007 GMC 2500HD Duramax that don't need nothing but a load hooked behind it.


----------



## SunCMars

TDSC60 said:


> So many options to choose from.
> 
> Obviously no one was a fly on the wall when she told him about the XBF. So all we have to go on is what she told my daughter.
> 
> This from my daughter. Things she saw first hand;
> 
> 1. Groom did seem to disappear for several hours the night bride claims she confessed and bride was going nuts. Crying and texting and calling him the whole time.
> 
> 2. OM (XBF) was at the wedding but kept his distance during the reception. He made good use of the open bar.
> 
> 3. Bride and groom both seemed happy and content at the wedding and reception.
> 
> Whatever happened between the bride and groom (and I am pretty sure something did happen) they seem to have moved on.
> 
> But I would place a substantial amount of money on this not being the end of drama with XBF. He seems a little nuts and the bride (drunk or not) gave him enough to feed his obsession with her.
> 
> Also, the bride's obsession with the XBF is probably not over. Could be on the back burner for a while - but not done.
> 
> Have to wait and see.


As a condition for continuing on with the wedding and marrying the CHEAT-TESS, the Groom BH should have insisted that the POSOM was not a the wedding. 

The White Dressed bride with Black Undergarments should have asked him not to be there. 

POSOM himself should have left the wedding.

Woulda, shoulda, coulda.

Nope, not with this bunch of social miss-fits. 

Jerry Springer, here they come.


----------



## misslonelyheart

I've been kind of following this thread for a while now. All I can say is that I hope for the sake of everyone involved that the bride doesn't get pregnant on the honeymoon. It would make it that much harder for the groom to walk away if he decides that's what he wants to do.

Had a friend in college who got married about a year after graduation. Found out about 2 weeks after the honeymoon that her new husband had screwed one of her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding. She was all set to leave him then found out she was pregnant. They are still together 5 years later and he's been cheating the whole time. She refuses to leave because of the kid. Sad.

By the way guys, seriously? My Subaru Baja beats all your pansy-*** trucks into the dirt when it comes to off-roading. HA!


----------



## Decorum

ThePheonix said:


> Ya, that's true. I hope it works out for him, et cetera. But back to the trucks. I've own three over my nearly fifty years and still have all three; a 70 Chevy C-10 stepside (now doing an off frame restoration), a 94 GMC Z-71, (on frame restoration by summers end but its damn near cherry) and 2007 GMC 2500HD Duramax that don't need nothing but a load hooked behind it.


Just cant let them go eh?

Seriously thats so cool. People use to take the back end of those c10's and make trailers out of them ha ha, but its a beautiful sight to see one in good condition.

And the z71 thats what pickups looked like before they got all sculped and boing boing, dont sit on it please.

In cherry condition it would definitely turn my head. Very nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski

misslonelyheart said:


> I've been kind of following this thread for a while now. All I can say is that I hope for the sake of everyone involved that the bride doesn't get pregnant on the honeymoon. It would make it that much harder for the groom to walk away if he decides that's what he wants to do.


For sure.



misslonelyheart said:


> Had a friend in college who got married about a year after graduation. Found out about 2 weeks after the honeymoon that her new husband had screwed one of her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding. She was all set to leave him then found out she was pregnant. They are still together 5 years later and he's been cheating the whole time. She refuses to leave because of the kid. Sad.


That poor woman.



misslonelyheart said:


> By the way guys, seriously? My Subaru Baja beats all your pansy-*** trucks into the dirt when it comes to off-roading. HA!


Those things are awesome!

I remember watching "My Name Is Earl" and cracking up at the vehicles that Earl, Joy, and (later) Randy drove: a Chevy El Camino, a Subaru BRAT, and a Ford Ranchero, respectively.

That was a great show.

Vehicles - My Name Is Earl Wiki - Wikia


----------



## GusPolinski

Decorum said:


> Yeah the Mazda/Ranger was very nice. It just got to the point where the price/performance of the Ranger/F150 were so close that they felt they were competing with each other. (btw just betwen you and me I have been an employee of FMC for over 20 yrs.). I always argued that people with small garages like the Ranger ha ha.


For me the love affair started when I was a kid. My Dad had a green Ranger that he called "our truck".



Decorum said:


> Ford got more out of that relationships than Mazda did, thats "foour shore".


Of that I have no doubt.



Decorum said:


> So my wife (and our 4 kids) have always driven fords, shrug.
> 
> I'm currently drivine the platinum version of the Transit Connect, this is out of deference to my wife's need to easly store her walker when she borrows my car (*she has MS* and can usually be seen at Kroger drivining in her E-150 ha ha. She is unstoppable.)


Really? So does Mrs. Gus.

And she's tough as nails.



Decorum said:


> Well I made peace with driving the Transit until one of my nieces said it looks like a toaster, now when I'm in it I feel like a piece of white bread waiting for someone to push the slider down
> 
> Sorry to hear about your friend, it's hit or miss with dealerships, and the truck, thats disappointing too, tell him to buy a truck built on a Wednesday.
> 
> Seriously if he gets no satisfaction let me know, he can probably call a corporate number for help, if they dont follow through after the 3 tries.
> 
> Truly the trucks you bought are awesome vehicles.
> 
> Ford didnt take the Govmoney, but were leveraged to the Blue Oval, but they have really truned it around.
> 
> I have always been a free market guy, but after the derivatives scandal and wall street buyouts, I think we have to focus on our country and especially our local economics.
> 
> So drive with pride brother!


You know... at this point it should be good enough for most that I'm still driving American.

That said, I've been thinking of making the switch over to something a bit more fuel-efficient and well... _Japanese_ for some time now. (I WAS looking very closely at the VW Passat TDI prior to last year's emissions scandal, but oh well...) Honestly, there's no reason that we need TWO trucks.

Still... I'd miss that V8.


----------



## Divinely Favored

I miss my ole '71 F100. Had a 302 boss and a 4speed W/ compound that came out of a 2.5 ton dump truck that could pull a trailer house.


----------



## larry.gray

All of this little truck talk cracks me up. I've got a F350 crew cab dually. It's cargo capacity is more than a 1/2 ton truck's weight fully loaded.


----------



## GusPolinski

larry.gray said:


> All of this little truck talk cracks me up. I've got a F350 crew cab dually. It's cargo capacity is more than a 1/2 ton truck's weight fully loaded.


LOL... enjoy summer fuel prices.

Thought I had it bad.


----------



## larry.gray

GusPolinski said:


> LOL... enjoy summer fuel prices.
> 
> Thought I had it bad.


I'm loving it right now. I paid a max of $4.80 per gallon a few years ago. Almost $200 for a fill-up. Diesel is back to below regular here. I've paid as low as $1.40 for B20.

I mix driving between the pickup and a Escape hybrid. The truck gets 15ish MPG, the Escape gets 33. They average out OK.


----------



## TX-SC

Well, I'm about to drop 50k on an F150 Lariat. My 2003 Tundra (which I bought new) has 270,000 miles and I'm not sure when it's going to finally start having issues. I'd like to get 300,000 miles out of it before trading. I drove the Chevy and the F150 and liked the Ford better. I'll check out the Tundra too, but I'm leaning to the Ford. I don't like Chrysler products so Dodge is out.


----------



## ThePheonix

I bought diesel this morning 10 cents cheaper than reg gas. I haven't seen diesel lower than even premium gas in ages.


----------



## TDSC60

Honestly I am looking at Dodge Rams at the moment but the last two trucks I owned were A Chevy and a GMC (which is a Chevy on steroids). If I can find a good deal, I'll go with another GMC.


----------



## Graywolf2

marduk said:


> She didn't tell him the whole story.
> 
> I guarantee it was "I only kissed him."
> 
> Otherwise, he would have gone ballistic at the wedding and reception if the guy was there.
> 
> He's going to come home and read your letter and put 2 and 2 together.
> 
> And then hopefully annul this thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with the first part. The OM *might* be at the wedding if he had sex with the bride years ago or kissed the bride two weeks ago. But not if he had sex with the bride two weeks ago. 

The bride felt guilty and was smart. She told as much of the truth as she could. She and the OM disappeared from the others but only kissed. From the groom's point of view his bride is crying over just a drunken kiss and she came clean before they were married. She has character.

He forgave her because she came clean, looked so torn up about just a drunken kiss and there was a $50000 wedding on the line.

What does the letter say? That they disappeared for a period or that she admitted to having sex and woke up with the guy?


----------



## tech-novelist

GusPolinski said:


> My BIL was a die-hard Dodge guy and wound up buying a brand new Ford F-150 FX2 last year. It's VERY nice, but he's had nothing but trouble w/ it, and the dealer has been jerking him around on warranty repairs. Eventually they're going to wind up having to replace it. * I guess he just got a lemon.*


I'm not sure about that. Ford has had a bad reputation for reliability for decades.


----------



## Satya

I hope they have a prenup.


----------



## GusPolinski

tech-novelist said:


> I'm not sure about that. Ford has had a bad reputation for reliability for decades.


Never heard that myself. I never had any problems w/ my F-150 before the odometer turned past 100K.

It's like anything, really. I bought a Western Digital 4 TB external drive a couple of weeks ago from the Best Buy down the road from my office. While there, I saw a couple shopping for external drives as well. They seemed to be having trouble coming to a decision, so I recommend the same drive that I'd selected, pointing out that, out of a few thousand reviews (on Amazon), it had a near-perfect rating and rated higher than any other external drive at that price point. The woman commented that she'd experienced a lot of trouble w/ WD drives, having had at least a couple completely fail on her, at which point I mentioned that that hasn't been my experience at all.

Still, I've heard that about WD drives from more than one person. In all fairness, though, it probably has a lot to do w/ the fact that they're a leader -- if not THE leader -- in the market.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix

TDSC60 said:


> Honestly I am looking at Dodge Rams at the moment but the last two trucks I owned were A Chevy and a GMC (which is a Chevy on steroids). If I can find a good deal, I'll go with another GMC.


All indications are that Dodge is a good truck. In the diesels, you won't beat the Cummins (Dodge) for the engine nor will you beat the Allison transmission in the GMC. I think the fuel mileage is a little better in the Dodge. If I was going with a half ton, I'd take a serious look at the new Dodge diesel (mileage in the low 30's) but with a gasser, I'd have to go with GMC.


----------



## tech-novelist

GusPolinski said:


> Never heard that myself. I never had any problems w/ my F-150 before the odometer turned past 100K.
> 
> It's like anything, really. I bought a Western Digital 4 TB external drive a couple of weeks ago from the Best Buy down the road from my office. While there, I saw a couple shopping for external drives as well. They seemed to be having trouble coming to a decision, so I recommend the same drive that I'd selected, pointing out that, out of a few thousand reviews (on Amazon), it had a near-perfect rating and rated higher than any other external drive at that price point. The woman commented that she'd experienced a lot of trouble w/ WD drives, having had at least a couple completely fail on her, at which point I mentioned that that hasn't been my experience at all.
> 
> Still, I've heard that about WD drives from more than one person. In all fairness, though, it probably has a lot to do w/ the fact that they're a leader -- if not THE leader -- in the market.


I have had terrible experiences with WD drives, and avoid them like the plague whenever possible (which it usually is). I bought one a couple of years ago because it was the only brand that had a 1 TB capacity and would fit in a 7 mm high slot. It died shortly after the warranty ran out, and I replaced it with an HGST, which is now owned by WD but maybe still has better reliability.


----------



## misslonelyheart

The problem is most likely not the Western Digital brand. ALL the drive manufacturers have had issues with the 1 TB and up hard drives. It would seem that the greater the drive capacity, the poorer the drive stability and performance. Double that if it's an SSD HD rather than a standard HD. SSD HDs have a very limited life span.

I put myself through college in part working for a PC refurbisher and we frequently noticed that the larger drives couldn't be reused whereas something like an 80 gig drive could be reused multiple times.


----------



## GusPolinski

Well, it makes sense -- more discs, heads, etc, means a greater chance of failure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 86857

Graywolf2 said:


> The bride felt guilty and was smart. She told as much of the truth as she could. She and the OM disappeared from the others but only kissed. From the groom's point of view his bride is crying over just a drunken kiss and she came clean before they were married. She has character.
> 
> He forgave her because she came clean, looked so torn up about just a drunken kiss and there was a $50000 wedding on the line.
> 
> What does the letter say? That they disappeared for a period or that she admitted to having sex and woke up with the guy?


Exactly @Graywolf2. All BS want to think it was 'just a kiss', like two 13 year old kids. 
Will be interesting when, rather IF, he gets the letter when they get back from the honeymoon. 

Amazing how often I've heard 'the bride slept with the best man' or 'the groom slept with one of the bridesmaids' shortly before the wedding. It's not an urban myth. I know of 2 cases myself. And another case where bride divorced groom and married the best man a couple of years later. 
You are all cracking me up with the car talk as well. Can't find any TDSCO posts with all the car noise, sorry TRUCK noise LOL. >


----------



## Marduk

********** said:


> Exactly @Graywolf2. All BS want to think it was 'just a kiss', like two 13 year old kids.
> Will be interesting when, rather IF, he gets the letter when they get back from the honeymoon.
> 
> Amazing how often I've heard 'the bride slept with the best man' or 'the groom slept with one of the bridesmaids' shortly before the wedding. It's not an urban myth. I know of 2 cases myself. And another case where bride divorced groom and married the best man a couple of years later.
> You are all cracking me up with the car talk as well. Can't find any TDSCO posts with all the car noise, sorry TRUCK noise LOL. >


My ex wife's sister hit on me on our wedding night. 

My ex didn't believe me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix

********** said:


> Amazing how often I've heard 'the bride slept with the best man' or 'the groom slept with one of the bridesmaids' shortly before the wedding.


Me thinks a lot of these folks, getting cold feet before the wedding, are just too chicken to pull the plug on the deal because of the time and money that's gone into it. People have been know to take a bad hit just to save face.


----------



## G.J.

I have 16 externals running constantly and other than 1 of them they have performed flawlesly for the last few years

Toshiba +western d. Ranging from 1TB to 4TB
https://www.backblaze.com/blog/hard-drive-reliability-stats-for-q2-2015/

So could recommend above


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Ever since the flood a few years back in Malaysia, all the major spindle/head/platter drive manufacturers have seemed to take a dip in drive quality. Including who I always thought the best was, Western Digital.

I've been having problems with some of my WD HD's as of late. I'm finally going to take the plunge and start using SSD's instead.

I can get a top brand of SSD at 240Gig for around $50 each. I plan on stripping them together to make a 2, then 3 and finally 4 disk J0 array.

If it works well, I can see me never buying a spindled HD ever again.

Which only makes sense seeing as I actually test thousands of them a month where I work.:smile2:



G.J. said:


> I have 16 externals running constantly and other than 1 of them they have performed flawlesly for the last few years
> 
> Toshiba +western d. Ranging from 1TB to 4TB
> https://www.backblaze.com/blog/hard-drive-reliability-stats-for-q2-2015/
> 
> So could recommend above


----------



## G.J.

I just test what i use which ive posted


----------



## G.J.

SSDs are changing with the new hookup so will be interesting to see how they pan out over the next couple of years


----------



## bankshot1993

did this turn into a tech forum?


----------



## larry.gray

tech-novelist said:


> I'm not sure about that. Ford has had a bad reputation for reliability for decades.


That's not the luck I've had. 

I've owned a F-150 that crapped out at 235K. It had very little done to it beyond regular maintenance. Something went wrong with the fuel injection, but at that point I no longer cared what was wrong and it went to the scrap yard.

My F-350 has 240K, but being a diesel I don't expect the engine to give out anytime soon. It is the old 7.3L and it isn't rare to have them klick over 1 million miles. The only expensive thing I consider at risk is that the transmission is likely to crap soon.

I also have an Escape with 210K on it. It's had a little more put in it - I do service myself and it's pushing $1K in parts so far beyond normal service items. It's a hybrid and they're known for going a really long time. 

I've had good luck with Dodge Caravans too. I'm no fan of them, but my wife likes them. Her first one did 245K before blowing a head gasket. Just like my F-150, I called it quits and it went to the junkyard. The current one is at 120K. 

Yeah, we drive a lot.... I just shudder to think what the fuel bill is if you add it up over the years.


----------



## GusPolinski

larry.gray said:


> That's not the luck I've had.
> 
> I've owned a F-150 that crapped out at 235K. It had very little done to it beyond regular maintenance. Something went wrong with the fuel injection, but at that point I no longer cared what was wrong and it went to the scrap yard.
> 
> My F-350 has 240K, but being a diesel I don't expect the engine to give out anytime soon. It is the old 7.3L and it isn't rare to have them klick over 1 million miles. The only expensive thing I consider at risk is that the transmission is likely to crap soon.
> 
> I also have an Escape with 210K on it. It's had a little more put in it - I do service myself and it's pushing $1K in parts so far beyond normal service items. It's a hybrid and they're known for going a really long time.
> 
> I've had good luck with Dodge Caravans too. I'm no fan of them, but my wife likes them. Her first one did 245K before blowing a head gasket. Just like my F-150, I called it quits and it went to the junkyard. The current one is at 120K.
> 
> Yeah, we drive a lot.... I just shudder to think what the fuel bill is if you add it up over the years.


My uncle owns a construction business and has a small fleet (6 or 7) of F-350s. He drives the oldest one as his personal vehicle. It's _at least_ 20-25 years old and still kicking.


----------



## tech-novelist

G.J. said:


> I have 16 externals running constantly and other than 1 of them they have performed flawlesly for the last few years
> 
> Toshiba +western d. Ranging from 1TB to 4TB
> https://www.backblaze.com/blog/hard-drive-reliability-stats-for-q2-2015/
> 
> So could recommend above


I bought 5 WD Raid Edition drives. Within 2 years, 8 of them had to be replaced. (No, this is not a typo. 3 of the replacements failed as well.)

I'm pretty sure that the only other drive failure I've had on a drive less than 5 years old was a 7 mm WD.

Toshibas seem to be okay, but I have mostly HGST, and they have been very reliable. I also have a couple of Seagates that I bought just so I wouldn't be dependent on one manufacturer, although they also don't have very good reliability according to backblaze.

As is often the case, whatever brand you investigate, some people hate it and others love it.


----------



## G.J.

tech-novelist said:


> I bought 5 WD Raid Edition drives. Within 2 years, 8 of them had to be replaced. (No, this is not a typo. 3 of the replacements failed as well.)
> 
> I'm pretty sure that the only other drive failure I've had on a drive less than 5 years old was a 7 mm WD.
> 
> Toshibas seem to be okay, but I have mostly HGST, and they have been very reliable. I also have a couple of Seagates that I bought just so I wouldn't be dependent on one manufacturer, although they also don't have very good reliability according to backblaze.
> 
> As is often the case, whatever brand you investigate, some people hate it and others love it.


That's tough on the raids :frown2:...
Mind you they warranty a lot of them for 2-5 years depending on type so I do hope it was under the 2 for you
Warranty Policy | WD Support

I've always wanted to see stats on the batches' they produce as I've always had an inclination it happened in runs in production 

Juts a theory.....


----------



## eric1

G.J. said:


> That's tough on the raids :frown2:...
> Mind you they warranty a lot of them for 2-5 years depending on type so I do hope it was under the 2 for you
> Warranty Policy | WD Support
> 
> I've always wanted to see stats on the batches' they produce as I've always had an inclination it happened in runs in production
> 
> Juts a theory.....


It's not just a theory, you're absolutely right. For those inclined you can get information on particular batches of drives. 

I have one client who buys WD Black 2TBs ONLY. They're historically reliable but there have been two batches with over a 50% failure rate in one year. 

All of these things get made in a handful of common facilities


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

bankshot1993 said:


> did this turn into a tech forum?


Tech, or truck. It depends on what you're following.:smile2:


----------



## tech-novelist

G.J. said:


> That's tough on the raids :frown2:...
> Mind you they warranty a lot of them for 2-5 years depending on type so I do hope it was under the 2 for you
> Warranty Policy | WD Support
> 
> I've always wanted to see stats on the batches' they produce as I've always had an inclination it happened in runs in production
> 
> Juts a theory.....


Yes, I had 3 replacements but they failed as well.

Fortunately I didn't lose any data, but it was a close call.

Ever since that, I've eschewed RAID 5 or any other parity RAID type in favor of RAID 1. Yes, it costs more, but I won't lose my data, and I can take drives from a failed enclosure and get at my data.

Unfortunately my Synology RAID box doesn't have a way to create an online back up of a LUN (LUNs being the only way to do Windows deduplication on a drive outside the physical server), so I have had to build a Ubuntu box just to serve up a RAID 1 LUN to Windows Server 2012 R2 installs on my machines. I back my machines up to this LUN, then do an "instant backup" by pulling one of the drives from the RAID 1, putting it in my media safe, and replacing it with another drive on which the RAID 1 is rebuilt.


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## tech-novelist

eric1 said:


> It's not just a theory, you're absolutely right. For those inclined you can get information on particular batches of drives.
> 
> I have one client who buys WD Black 2TBs ONLY. They're historically reliable but there have been two batches with over a 50% failure rate in one year.
> 
> All of these things get made in a handful of common facilities


I bought a couple of HGST 4 TB drives (Amazon.com: Hitachi 0F22146 3.5IN 25.4MM 4000GB 64MB COOLSPIN SATA MEGA-B 512E: Computers & Accessories) after seeing them having extremely low failure rates on Backblaze (https://www.backblaze.com/blog/hard-drive-reliability-stats-for-q2-2015/)


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## tech-novelist

bankshot1993 said:


> did this turn into a tech forum?


Well, disk failure could be considered a type of infidelity. >


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## G.J.

:rofl::lol:


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## Thor

I keep checking back to see if there's any news from OP. Wasting my time.


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## workindad

GusPolinski said:


> Ha!
> 
> 
> 
> My first truck was a Mazda B2000, which was basically a re-branded Ford Ranger. * To this day, the Ranger is my absolutely favorite truck of all time, and I was sad when Ford stopped making them*.
> 
> .


I had a Ford Ranger STX many many moons ago. It was an absolute gem. Hopefully the new Ford Ranger will be as good or better than the old one was when Ford finally releases it.

I like having a truck and prefer the smaller sized trucks.

OP- I'm assuming there won't be any more updates relative to the unlucky SOB who just married a cheater until after they get back from the honeymoon. 

Hopefully he's not a major door mat schmuck who just looked the other way. If he is, he can expect a lifetime of this behavior from his wife as he just enabled her to continue cheating in the future.

Still, I can't imagine anyone knowingly going through with the marriage unless the cheater minimized and lied their butt off.


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## GusPolinski

tech-novelist said:


> Well, disk failure could be considered a type of infidelity. >


In a meeting a few years back, one of my co-workers, intending to say "hard DISK", instead said... 

Well, you get it.

She was pretty embarrassed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam

Serious techie thread jack... All of you are reported!

:lol:

(jk)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60

Thor said:


> I keep checking back to see if there's any news from OP. Wasting my time.


They are still away on the honeymoon, so nothing new.


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## JohnA

@Thor, I usually check their individual page to see when they last where here. I noticed that Florida Rosbiff was hiere for a month after he dropped posting. I also look to see if they started posting on other threads.


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## G.J.

TDSC60 said:


> They are still away on the honeymoon, so nothing new.


Imagine if you caught an S.T.D. on your honeymoon 

.


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## 86857

GusPolinski said:


> In a meeting a few years back, one of my co-workers, intending to say "hard DISK", instead said...
> 
> Well, you get it.
> 
> She was pretty embarrassed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## 86857

Any developments @TDSC60?


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## TDSC60

They are supposed to return to work next week. Nothing yet.


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## bankshot1993

guessing that she got a free ride on this one it looks like. what a way to start a marriage, trust broken, cheated on and in reconciliation. talk about an uphill battle. who gonna start the pool, I'll take 18 months.


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## TDSC60

Update:

Happy couple is back from honeymoon and appear to be happy together. XBF has now returned to his primary job in another State. 

I hope this is the end off it, but I have my doubts. I think XBF still has unresolved issues with his breakup. It is only a matter of time until he reaches out to try and establish some type of connection with her. Her now-husband has been clear to her that she is not to communicate in anyway with the POS.

I'm sure I'll hear if any drama develops. So bye for now.


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## TDSC60

Update for those who care.

Daughter told me yesterday that the happy couple are now officially separated. Two years of engagement, $30,000 on a wedding, and a 6 month marriage down the drain because the bride-to-be could not stay out of XBF bed. At least the BS realized he was better off without her. Now the real fireworks starts as they all work in the same office.


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## RWB

TDSC60 said:


> Update for those who care.
> 
> Daughter told me yesterday that the happy couple are now officially separated.* Two years of engagement, $30,000 on a wedding, and a 6 month marriage down the drain because the bride-to-be could not stay out of XBF bed. *At least the BS realized he was better off without her.


If I even considered buying a 2 year old truck, forking over $30,000 regardless how it looked... I would definitely have a vehicle history CARFAX run. 6 months down the road it's a costly mistake to find out the Rear End is shot to hell. A lemon is just that and rarely is the first problem a One and Done. Better to cut your losses early and move on to a dependable model.


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## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> Update for those who care.
> 
> Daughter told me yesterday that the happy couple are now officially separated. Two years of engagement, $30,000 on a wedding, and a 6 month marriage down the drain because the bride-to-be could not stay out of XBF bed. At least the BS realized he was better off without her. Now the real fireworks starts as they all work in the same office.


So did she cheat again?

Either way, he's better off w/o her. Too bad he didn't realize that before he actually married her.

Can you imagine how pissed her parents are going to be? Assuming, of course, that they sprung for a significant chunk of the wedding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul

I read the beginning post. She wasn't crying in the restroom because she was getting married and banged the other guy. She was crying because she was getting married and it may encumber her banging the other guy(s).


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## TDSC60

GusPolinski said:


> So did she cheat again?
> 
> Either way, he's better off w/o her. Too bad he didn't realize that before he actually married her.
> 
> Can you imagine how pissed her parents are going to be? Assuming, of course, that they spring for a significant chunk of the wedding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My daughter did not tell me if she cheated again or not. 

Total supposition here, but I think her cheating a few of weeks before the wedding, then waiting until two days before the wedding to confess was just too much for the groom to handle. He thought he could get past it, but couldn't.

Edit: Her parents have passed so the bride and groom split the costs of the wedding.


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## rockon

Well, an annulment is cheaper than a divorce.


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## VladDracul

It would have been better if they took the 30 large, driven down the highway at 70 mph, threw half out the window and split what was left. At least they'd each be seventy five dollars richer.


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## becareful2

rockon said:


> Well, an annulment is cheaper than a divorce.


I hear it's not as easy getting an annulment unless there is deception.


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## rockon

becareful2 said:


> I hear it's not as easy getting an annulment unless there is deception.


I found this helpful.

State Annulment Laws - FindLaw

Some states are semi easy, some states-forget it! I don't recall if the OP said what state they are in.


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## Satya

Well I think many of us knew what the outcome would eventually be. 

The groom probably felt pressured to forgive before the wedding and saw all the effort involved, and made a decision based on prior investment. Then, he may have realized that future investment was just too costly and/or undeserved and ended it. 

Regardless of what really happened, it's a lesson.. Maybe a bit of a costly one, but an important one.


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## MJJEAN

Very much enjoyed reading about the trucks and the drives  Also, I am a fan of Dodge Caravans as well. The one I have currently is at 105k with only a few minor problems related to the AC lines and the EGR valve, which is an easy fix...unless you strip the bolt on the bottom that you can't see and need a pro to drill it out for you...

My friends D and P married. D's grandmother paid out 26k for the wedding, which is a LOT in our general area. Most weddings are about half that. The marriage lasted less than a year because D couldn't keep it in his pants. His grandmother was FURIOUS.


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## TDSC60

Satya said:


> Well I think many of us knew what the outcome would eventually be.
> 
> The groom probably felt pressured to forgive before the wedding and saw all the effort involved, and made a decision based on prior investment. Then, he may have realized that future investment was just too costly and/or undeserved and ended it.
> 
> Regardless of what really happened, it's a lesson.. Maybe a bit of a costly one, but an important one.


This whole thing was/is so screwed up.

No doubt the groom felt obligated to go through with the wedding. The wedding was in a coastal city 100 miles away. All people attending had hotel rooms for a couple of days and everyone was already there when she finally confessed. The f*cked up part is that the OM was also a friend of the groom and was an usher at the wedding. Had she confessed right after it happened I don't think there would have been a wedding.

I think the guy finally realized he could not forgive what she did. Both are in their early 30s and it was the first marriage for both.


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## TaDor

TDSC60 said:


> Update for those who care.
> 
> Daughter told me yesterday that the happy couple are now officially separated. Two years of engagement, $30,000 on a wedding, and a 6 month marriage down the drain because the bride-to-be could not stay out of XBF bed. At least the BS realized he was better off without her. Now the real fireworks starts as they all work in the same office.


Wow, 6 months exactly since your last post.

Hell, we ALL screwed up - should have done a Deadpool on when separation would happen. $30K!? Geez, you can be he won't be getting married again anytime soon.

Guess we can bet on how long before someone (likely wife) leaves the company.


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## bandit.45

Poor groom. Damn, that's going to leave a scar.


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## drifter777

TDSC60 said:


> Update for those who care.
> 
> Daughter told me yesterday that the happy couple are now officially separated. Two years of engagement, $30,000 on a wedding, and a 6 month marriage down the drain because the bride-to-be could not stay out of XBF bed. At least the BS realized he was better off without her. Now the real fireworks starts as they all work in the same office.


Thank you updating this story. I didn't think he would be able to live with this and since they didn't have kids yet - well, why stay with a cheater? This will leave a mark but think of how much agony he avoided by ending it now rather than trying to tough his way through it while they pop out a couple kids. I cannot fathom why a woman would throw all of this away just for a roll in the hay. She must have wanted to sabotage this thing on some level.


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## MJJEAN

At leas she didn't trap him by getting pregnant on the honeymoon "accidentally".


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## TDSC60

In this State you have to be separated for 1 year before divorce can be final.

I am off to a conference in Florida next week. I'll update with any new developments.


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## TDSC60

It has been a while since I last posted on this thread but that woman keeps trashing her life more and more.

She went on a trip to her home town to visit with relatives a few weeks ago and now has told my daughter that she hooked up with an old XBF on the trip. Now she is pregnant and the father-to-be wants nothing to do with the child. It amazes me how, not only is she so self destructive, she keeps pulling other people into her circle of drama. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.


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## Lostinthought61

please tell me that her husband has been told even if it's anonymously. something like whose your daddy....might not be you.


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## Satya

Never underestimate a woman's ability to crash 'n burn spectacularly when the snowball's been gaining momentum.
I was there once... in a much milder fashion, but can still look back on that time cerebrally as the worst goof time of my life.


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## syhoybenden

They're just separated? If so someone should tell the husband asap so he can pull the divorce trigger before he's on the hook for child support.


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## GusPolinski

TDSC60 said:


> It has been a while since I last posted on this thread but that woman keeps trashing her life more and more.
> 
> She went on a trip to her home town to visit with relatives a few weeks ago and now has told my daughter that she hooked up with an old XBF on the trip. Now she is pregnant and the father-to-be wants nothing to do with the child. It amazes me how, not only is she so self destructive, she keeps pulling other people into her circle of drama. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.


Might be time for someone to clue in the BH.


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## TX-SC

Aren't they already divorced?


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## GusPolinski

TX-SC said:


> Aren't they already divorced?


They were separated as of October of last year.

OP also mentioned a one-year divorce requirement, so probably not.


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## Be smart

This Woman will destroy her Life. 

Tell your Daughter to ignore her in the future. She is not a good Friend.


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## Marc878

TDSC60 said:


> It has been a while since I last posted on this thread but that woman keeps trashing her life more and more.
> 
> She went on a trip to her home town to visit with relatives a few weeks ago and now has told my daughter that she hooked up with an old XBF on the trip. Now she is pregnant and the father-to-be wants nothing to do with the child. It amazes me how, not only is she so self destructive, she keeps pulling other people into her circle of drama. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.


Funny how all cheaters have latex allergies.


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## TDSC60

The actual marriage lasted less than 1 year. I am not sure if the state divorce laws enforce the one year separated rule in that case. They could already be divorced.


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## syhoybenden

Well let's all cross our fingers and toes for him and hope that that's the case.


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