# Children and Sex Life



## NewHubs

So the other night my wife and I were out to dinner with a friend she went to college and remained friends since graduation. She is married but her husband couldn't join us for dinner due to work obligations. During our conversation we asked her what is one of the toughest aspects about raising a child. My wife's friend jokingly replied "having quiet sex." Of course we all laughed but she did say it did put a slight damper on their sex life because in her words - "you have to bury your face in a pillow". My wife and I were howling because right now we do not have any kids so being a little extra vocal in the bedroom is a non issue for us. 

She proceeded to tell us how her 11 year old once heard them having sex. Of course she had the talk with her daughter prior to this happening so her daughter wasn't too bothered by it because she knew that her parents had sex often. My wife's friend told us that she really doesn't try to make sex a taboo subject in her house and that she is very open with her daughter about it. Her daughter knows that it's something a married couple share...at least that's how my wife's friend explained it to her.

So after this discussion it got me thinking. Do the parents out there hide sex from your kids? Another words, do you treat it as something taboo? Obviously it depends on how old they are but do they know you and your spouse have a healthy sex life? Also, did your kids ever hear a moan coming from the bedroom? How did you handle the situation?


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## larry.gray

No, we don't hide it and treat it as taboo.
Since our kids are 16, 12 and 8, the oldest two pretty much know what is going on. 

We do have a lock on our bedroom door because we got "caught" twice by our oldest. One time was 3 freaking AM when she got sick - who thinks you're going to get caught at 3 AM?


As for the sound: wife isn't too noisy, but I have heard the kids turn the TV or stereo up a few times on Saturday morning.


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## Dulciean

Hehe yep having children certainly does change my sex style at my place! My husband is not my children's biological dad, so thinking this might make the subject a bit touchy? My 13 year old daughter is aware ( through having heard us and my attempts at being open and honest about sexuality ) of what it is married couples do, my 10 year old son hasn't said much yet. Keeping quiet is very frustrating for me, and really puts a damper on things. I yearn for a sound proof bedroom!


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## Maricha75

Ummm no. We have three kids: 11, 6, & 4. At various times in their lives, each has co-slept with us. We still managed to conceive each of them. And now, we make time for each other, alone. I am not quiet at all. We don't hide it from them. But we shut the door. They know that when mom & dad are in the bedroom with the door shut, DO NOT DISTURB! LOL

So, on, we don't hide it. It's a fact of life. I'd rather they know mom and dad love being with each other.


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## NancyfromLA

Sex is not a taboo subject in our household at all. My husband and I have been very open with our kids regarding sex as long as it is within limits of what they are curious about knowing or learning. My daughter is 11 and my step-son is 12. My ex-husband and I did not have sex nearly as much as my husband and I do now so my daughter wasn't exposed to that aspect of our marriage when she was younger aside from walking in on her dad and I having sex once when she was 7. 

With my husband and I now, both of our kids are well aware of us having sex as we have already had the talks with them and tried to answer as many questions as they had and will have. I'm not as vocal as the louder screamers but I do moan from time to time and thanks to my curvy butt, there are plenty of skin-slapping sounds to go with our sessions haha. We have asked each of the kids if they can hear us and they both have said yes but they are not bothered by it at all because they understand that "that's what parents do" and they are just happy that we love each other.

And just like sex isn't a taboo thing in our home, nudity isn't either. We are not nudists by any means but if one of our kids happened to walk in on us changing or naked, we would not make a big deal out of it at all. It has happened with my step son a couple times now and it was not awkward at all. I believe there is a lot parents are able to do in their sex lives in their own homes but as long as it doesn't infringe on their children's comfort of living at home.


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## NewHubs

NancyfromLA said:


> With my husband and I now, both of our kids are well aware of us having sex as we have already had the talks with them and tried to answer as many questions as they had and will have. I'm not as vocal as the louder screamers but I do moan from time to time and thanks to my curvy butt, there are plenty of skin-slapping sounds to go with our sessions haha. We have asked each of the kids if they can hear us and they both have said yes but they are not bothered by it at all because they understand that "that's what parents do" and they are just happy that we love each other.


Well put Nancy! Glad your children are comfortable with sex and understand it's important in a marriage. Now I wonder if they can also hear the skin slapping sounds as well? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NancyfromLA

NewHubs said:


> Well put Nancy! Glad your children are comfortable with sex and understand it's important in a marriage. Now I wonder if they can also hear the skin slapping sounds as well? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, they can hear the skin-slapping too. It's usually loudest when their bedroom doors are open but when they're closed, it's not as loud but you can still hear it apparently.


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## totamm

I don't think it's healthy for young children to hear the sounds of their parents having sex.

There are steps that can be taken to avoid this problem.


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## anotherguy

I agree... little kids dont understand. Its not about 'hiding it' its about appropriate observations for little ones.

I remember hearing my parents going at it (How old was I... 5? I dont know.. young). Sounded like my mom was was being assaulted.. I was frigging horrified. Scared out of my pants that night.

'Oh...Oh!..Oh!...Uhh..Uhh...Uhhh!..." 

I think I asked her about it and she made up something about passing a kidney stone or something. 

---------

We dont hide it, the kids come in the morning and figure out we are 'naked' under the covers and they leave snickering. We also have become very (VERY) adept at having moderately quiet sex. Its actually very sexy, very sultry. Slow can be soooo good.

I dont think it has cramped our style one bit. Yeah, we maybe get a little more loud when we are away by ourselves (not that often) but we arent missing anything.

Our kids sleep like they are dead trees anyway. 

I say no worries. Just be reasonable. If you are doing anything... uhm.. complicated.... close the damn door.


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## NancyfromLA

totamm said:


> I don't think it's healthy for young children to hear the sounds of their parents having sex.
> 
> There are steps that can be taken to avoid this problem.





totamm said:


> I don't think it's healthy for young children to hear the sounds of their parents having sex.
> 
> There are steps that can be taken to avoid this problem.


If these were different circumstances, I would agree with you totamm but there are a couple things that have convinced me that there is no need to worry about our situation. 

First, yes, our children are young but they are not toddlers anymore. If they were in the 4-8 years range, I would be very skeptical about having sex freely in our home with my husband. They are pre-teens that are a lot smarter and more mature for their age. Their curiosity about the matter was a sign that they were ready to be exposed to *some* truths about our private matters but not all and certainly not the things I would deem inappropriate. 

I truly believe that if you stunt your child's curiosity for whatever matter at an earlier age, you will stunt the ability to communicate with them about more important things as they get older and my friend/co-worker and her children are a perfect example of that. Their curiosity doesn't mean you have to disclose *everything* about the subject but it certainly isn't healthy or right to pretend that it doesn't exist and to sweep it under the rug so to speak.

Secondly, our kids have not come to us to voice their concerns about their parent's love-making sounds. More than half the time, they don't even pay attention or hear anything. But nonetheless, we still asked them a handful of times if they were bothered and they said no and that we should stop asking. Now, maybe they're just at the age where they are comfortable with hearing those noises and not being bothered by it. In fact, I wouldn't doubt them coming to us around age 15 or 16 to tell us that the sounds are now weird and that we should be more quiet. In that case, you could best believe we'd do everything in our power to meet that request. Until then, I don't think there is a problem as long as they're happy and ok.


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## tacoma

totamm said:


> I don't think it's healthy for young children to hear the sounds of their parents having sex.


Why?



> There are steps that can be taken to avoid this problem.


What steps?


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## totamm

tacoma said:


> Why?


It's gross and disrespectful.

Go ahead and ask your teenage kids what they think about hearing their parents having sex. That's exactly what you're going to hear. 



tacoma said:


> What steps?


Better soundproofing and insulation, turn up the music, do it when the kids aren't around, etc.


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## NancyfromLA

totamm said:


> It's gross and disrespectful.
> 
> Go ahead and ask your teenage kids what they think about hearing their parents having sex. That's exactly what you're going to hear.
> 
> 
> 
> Better soundproofing and insulation, turn up the music, do it when the kids aren't around, etc.


Like I said, our children are ok with how things are at their age at this time. I am SURE they will prefer not to hear those sounds in a couple of years and at that point, my husband and I will do everything we can to avoid exposing our kids to that aspect of our lives. If our kids were younger and/or uncomfortable with the situation now, there would be no question that the circumstances of our situation would be completely different.

And we have a very huge bedroom with very wide and tall hollow walls so insulation is not an option. Although we did try music and that just annoyed both of the kids. I cant say that the music wasnt a mood killer either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm

NancyfromLA said:


> And we have a very huge bedroom with very wide and tall hollow walls so insulation is not an option.


You could easily add blown in insulation to the walls and then patch the holes.


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## NewHubs

totamm said:


> You could easily add blown in insulation to the walls and then patch the holes.


That sounds like too much work . I don't think I'd take it that far. As Nancy suggested a little moan won't scar them
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm

NewHubs said:


> That sounds like too much work . I don't think I'd take it that far. As Nancy suggested a little moan won't scar them


Sounds like more than a little moan.

I heard my dad doing my step mom when I was a teenager. We had an upstate cabin with thin walls. Woke up in the middle of the night thinking the cabin was being attacked by bears or something. 

Then I realized what I was listening to.

I can remember it as if it was only yesterday and it's not a pleasant thought or a visual that I would care to retain.


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## NancyfromLA

totamm said:


> Sounds like more than a little moan.
> 
> I heard my dad doing my step mom when I was a teenager. We had an upstate cabin with thin walls. Woke up in the middle of the night thinking the cabin was being attacked by bears or something.


I can assure you totamm, our noises don't resemble bear attacks at all ha. The kids would let us know if they had a problem with it but they don't so I don't see an issue of them being scarred for life or something.


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## totamm

I guess it's ok then.

It was worse for me because we were in the middle of the woods and I was fast asleep and not expecting that at all!


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## d4life

totamm said:


> You could easily add blown in insulation to the walls and then patch the holes.


We just turn the tv up. :rofl: 

I don't want my kids knowing whats going on in my room. It's none of their business at all. I never heard my parents when I was growing up, thank God, but years later my mom said they were very active. 

I just think its something that's private and does not need to be announced throughout the house. I find the thought of that very tacky really.


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## daffodilly

We turn the tv on and lock the door. 

I walked in on my parents once when I was a teen....I was repulsed. Sorry....I'm all for teaching that sex is normal and healthy but I REALLY didn't need the visual :rofl:

So out of consideration for the 13 year old, we try to muffle the sounds. But when she's out with friends it's no holds barred!


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## Bellavista

Get them good headphones. Works a treat. When their headphones break, they come and ask for more.


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## Wiltshireman

I find this a hard one to judge, my wife and I have 5 kids (g17, g16, b13, b8 & b2). 

Over the years we have been interrupted a few times by little kids who have woken in the night not feeling well and wanted our attention but thankfully being “lights off & under the covers” has save them from seeing anything that might have scared them. All but the youngest have had the sex ed talk form Mum &/ or Dad (we like to get in before the schools as only seem to cover the mechanics of it not the emotion) so they know the sort of things that go on in our bedroom. 

Our daughters told us it was "funny" and "a bit gross" when we told them that Mum was expecting their youngest brother.

We have always tried to be discrete when there are other people within earshot (the in-laws staying for the holidays). However I feel on balance that maintaining a happy marriage should come before the possible risk of upsetting the kid’s sensibilities. If you and / or your partner like to be really noisy then why not try and arrange a “date night” once in a while, have the grandparents or a family friend come over to have the kids overnight and treat yourselves to a night at a hotel. The time together will do you both the world of good (IMHO).


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## larry.gray

Wiltshireman said:


> I find this a hard one to judge, my wife and I have 5 kids (g17, g16, b13, b8 & b2).


I saw that and couldn't resist the thread jack.

We're G16, G13, B8 and ?? on the way. How do you like the age spread?


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## Sweetmaya

When the kids were babies, we had music to drawn sound and baby monitors, also incredible grandparents for those loud crazy days...:smthumbup:

When they were were kids, we had quite sex and thank the Universe for sleep overs...

Now that they are teens... they know because my husband wont let me screw the headboard to the wall... :lol:. We show PG 13 affection in the house so the girls now that we are in love and that when we argue is not that serious.

Our daughters are very secure and they know how a man is supposed to treat them based on the example that they have lived, and they demand to be treated with dignity and respect. 

Don't make sex a Taboo, they are going to learn it right or wrong anyway...


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## Wiltshireman

larry.gray said:


> I saw that and couldn't resist the thread jack.
> 
> We're G16, G13, B8 and ?? on the way. How do you like the age spread?


As with most things, some good some bad.

My teenage daughters are fanastic at looking after their little brothers but get angry when they get "evil stares" from old ladies when they take the little one out in his push chair.

We have the experiance to make bringing up a baby a little easier, the down side is I will be 50 by the time my youngest starts school and 67 my the time he gradiates from Uni (if thats what he wants).

Choosing activities that appeal to all the family is hard, however you can always find some one who wants to share with you.

A new baby is always an expensive time, not as expensive after the first as you have lots of kit (prams / cots / toys) allready.

I with you and your family all the best.


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## larry.gray

My mom was 14 when her little brother was born. When she was 16, they moved to a new town. One of their busybody neighbors REFUSED to believe that my uncle wasn't her little boy. When mom got married and moved away, she was incredulous that she didn't take "her boy" with her and couldn't believe my dad was "fooled by the story."


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## Wiltshireman

larry.gray said:


> My mom was 14 when her little brother was born. When she was 16, they moved to a new town. One of their busybody neighbors REFUSED to believe that my uncle wasn't her little boy. When mom got married and moved away, she was incredulous that she didn't take "her boy" with her and couldn't believe my dad was "fooled by the story."


I found it was the "little old ladies" who had too much time on their hands who liked to spread rumors. 

One of my friends at school (MP) was a similar age when her youngest brother was born and she did a lot of the childcare for him as her mother was seriously ill (she had cancer during the pregnancy but had put so chemo until after the birth).At that time I had a Saturday job at one of the local grocery stores and MP would arrange to do the family shopping so that she finished it at the end of my shift and I could then help her home with the shopping. This gave the said old ladies two teenagers to spread rumors about.

When my mother found out she had a quiet word with our minister who made a point so mentioning MP's family situation and the strength the family where showing during his sermon. There were a few embarrassed old dears for tea in the church hall after service that day.


OP, sorry to have highjacked your thread agian.


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## StargateFan

I say ramp it up when they are teenagers. Good incentive to move out and not move back in.


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## Jeradsjunk

It's not taboo here either. If the door is shut, the kids stay away. It's great having a two story house. Kids can be downstairs and have no clue what's going on upstairs.


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## tacoma

totamm said:


> It's gross and disrespectful.


Really?

Someone overhearing what is going on in my bedroom is ME being disrespectful?
I can't buy that.



> Go ahead and ask your teenage kids what they think about hearing their parents having sex. That's exactly what you're going to hear.


So now I should gauge parts of my sex life according to the whims of people who don't even really know what sex is?
I can't buy that either.




> Better soundproofing and insulation, turn up the music, do it when the kids aren't around, etc.


LOL, I think I`ll stick with "normal".
Soundproofing your bedroom out of fear your kids might hear you having sex is an issue in itself.
One that needs counseling.


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## anja

I wouldn't let them watch, so I won't let them hear either. Just like I'd not want my parents to hear, or my siblings. Those sounds are for hubby and me only.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Annie 54

totamm said:


> It's gross and disrespectful.
> 
> Go ahead and ask your teenage kids what they think about hearing their parents having sex. That's exactly what you're going to hear.
> 
> 
> 
> Better soundproofing and insulation, turn up the music, do it when the kids aren't around, etc.


my kids are grown up except for one aged 13 the others are 31 25 26 and they all have partners .... when they all come and stay at Christmas .... we get to hear them and trust me that's worse ..... as far as them coming in or hearing us ... we have always had an open relationship with them all... talk to then in an age appropriate way through out there life using situation that come along .. Sex is a natural act that two adults share it's enjoyable dont forget that bit most parent tend to focus on the having babies bit and forget to let their children know we do it because it feels good.... it's what keeps love fresh new and exciting ... and it's part of the commitment and intimacy that makes for a happy marriage/partnership...


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## Cosmos

From the beginning of time children have been aware, at least on some level, that their parents have sex. I've never heard of anyone being traumatized by hearing passionate sounds coming from their parents' bedroom.

Far better for children to possibly hear the sounds of passion, than the fighting of frustrated, sex starved parents, IMO.


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## Annie 54

Cosmos said:


> From the beginning of time children have been aware, at least on some level, that their parents have sex. I've never heard of anyone being traumatized by hearing passionate sounds coming from their parents' bedroom.
> 
> Far better for children to possibly hear the sounds of passion, than the fighting of frustrated, sex starved parents, IMO.


Totally agree ....:smthumbup:


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## NewHubs

Cosmos said:


> I've never heard of anyone being traumatized by hearing passionate sounds coming from their parents' bedroom.


Yep...going back to my original post, my wife's friend 11 year old recently told my wife about how she can hear her parent's bed squeak from down the hall. I don't know how the conversation came up but her daughter wasn't bothered by it.


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## Annie 54

Hay just to put a spin on it ...it worse hearing your children having sex when they stay with you for the holidays... I know it's natural but my partner and I get under the covers and laugh .... make comments ... turn the radio up and generally would rather not hear them.... Breakfast was interesting ... they said it was pay back for hearing us a children fair comment...... we laughed ...


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## justdance4me

I grew up in a rather large house, my bedroom and washroom were in the basement so I never heard mom and dad but they were open with my brother and I about sex, etc. Never a taboo subject in my house! However my brother on the other hand I could hear him and his flavor of the month constantly!! Mom and dad would work long hours, get home at 8pm and my brother and his gf no shame whatsoever! 

My parents were never bothered by my brother bringing new girls home and engaging in whatever!!!. But for me, I was teased and not given fair treatment when my bf and I (I had one boyfriend, the same boyfriend from the time I was 14-23) hung out alone in my house.


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## Annie 54

Why do we look at boys and girls partners in a different way ... it seems fine for boys to "fill their boots" so to speak but girls who have multiply partners are considered a slapper ......close friends of mine who only had boys too thought it fine for them to bring home a string of girls ... but my son who had sisters has always looked upon the opposite sex with a respect which I am thank full for ..... double standards or what......


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## treyvion

Annie 54 said:


> Why do we look at boys and girls partners in a different way ... it seems fine for boys to "fill their boots" so to speak but girls who have multiply partners are considered a slapper ......close friends of mine who only had boys too thought it fine for them to bring home a string of girls ... but my son who had sisters has always looked upon the opposite sex with a respect which I am thank full for ..... double standards or what......


I think its gross for boys or girls to do it. But they will.

I told my son, I know he's going to want to mess with girls, I'd prefer he find a girl he really likes, and treat her good.

But didn't want him playing all the games that they play with each other. You know all the mean games, cheating on games, trying to be with 5 girls at one time, all the bs hurting people...

Anyway a female who runs through alot of dudes is as loose as a guy who runs through alot of females. 

Higher risk for many problems. But they'll keep on doing it, and the trend now is for many of the females to want to have old guy viewpoints, which were pushing it to begin with by guys.


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## Annie 54

Multiply partners is always going to carry a risk .... think the main message we can give our children is to practise safe sex ... teach them to value their bodies and to use condoms ... I buy them for my boys and girls and they sit in a box in the bath room so ... dont have to ask they just go ready and I refill as needed no one knows who has used them so they get a degree of privacy ... might have a slightly different view from some parents as working for the teen pregnancy unit gives you an insight as to how hard it is to be a teen with a baby ...... open relationships with your children at an early age helps when you need to tackle the somewhat harder subject to contraception ......


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## SimplyAmorous

Me and my husband waited for intercourse for marriage...we have 5 sons, the 1st 3 are nothing like Players... very romantic, old fashioned, treats women right...our 2nd son met his GF at age 14.... they will be together 2 yrs in a few months...they don't have any drama like most teens......if they last, what a Love story it will be! 

We've taught our kids from a young age, regardless of what they see in school , with the loose attitudes towards sex... it is best to wait for one love if they can...while they are young, they have TIME on their side... they know our sexual story, we are very open with our children... 

They see the love & affection going forth between Dad & Mom... the bantering, flirting even... .they also know we have lots of Sex.... the last message children need today is ...marriages are sexless while all the singles are getting it on. 

When our bedroom door is shut, there is a 75% chance that is what is happening. They even know I post on a marriage forum and talk about all of these things...

The openness we have had through the years has given us a very close relationship with our teens, they know they can bring ANYTHING / EVERYTHING to us... we will not scold them but we will offer every view there is...the pros, the cons.....and encourage them to make the wisest choice for their futures...after all ...THEY have to live them..

We have given them a good foundation / sound reasoning for right living.... but it's up to them to maintain a life of honorable character in these areas. 

I believe everyone should be taught *Sexual integrity* ... if a boy uses a girl (has no emotion or care for a future together)...knowing SHE has feelings/hopes for him....he has HURT her, even CRUSHED her......he is not honorable...that is NOT OK behavior in our house. If the boy needs to get off, WHACK IT !

If our sons sleep with a woman he damn well better love her enough to put a ring on her finger and marry her...if a child results.... otherwise it is just not RIGHT. 

Far too many children are born without fathers today..foster care system a disgrace... society is a mess because we have embraced "Sex is JUST sex"..no emotion or attachment required...I believe this slices empathy ...desensitizes us all..... we learn to compartmentalize our feelings...why some feel this can be so easily blown to the wind once this habitual lifestyle has been lived for years...I will never understand....Sex is a very vulnerable act....OR SHOULD BE...

Lots of contraception mistakes out there....I don't think this is OK... and STD's... no amount of pleasure is worth screwing with a young woman's fertility..... some STD's can cause silent Pelvic Inflammatory Disease...and render a woman infertile ... Are we also teaching our girls this...even if a small risk, it is one none the less...she has the possibility to risk her future Motherhood....sleeping with the Hot studs...who could have banged ...well... 50 plus ...college these days..I'd hate to even hear the stats on that!


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## Annie 54

Okay so may be the fact that I bought condoms for my children is a concept that other parents may as I said find "distasteful" .... But yes I do understand the STI's as deal with the consequences each day one of my roles here in UK is to help with sexual health .... see the impact on the under 25's health every day.... May be I gave the wrong impression i am not saying to my children hay go out there and have sex with any one... my two oldest have partners now of 7 and 4 years and are settled and my son is in a relationship too . we have been together since 15 and 17 and are now in our fifties... but we as parents need to protect our children .... and yes i do agree their are many fatherless children but to be a young teen parent takes a part of your life when you are meant to be finding your way having fun not changing nappies and worrying about child support.... i do however come across many wonderful teen mum's who are very motivated and there support for each other in our programme makes me very humble ... if you had listened to the stories I have over the years believe me you would be teaching your children to value there bodies but if they choose to have sex be safe ... protect your body and your life once you have a child with some one you are linked for life like it or not....


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## SimplyAmorous

Annie 54 said:


> Okay so may be the fact that I bought condoms for my children is a concept that other parents may as I said find "distasteful" .... But yes I do understand the STI's as deal with the consequences each day one of my roles here in UK is to help with sexual health .... see the impact on the under 25's health every day.... May be I gave the wrong impression i am not saying to my children hay go out there and have sex with any one... my two oldest have partners now of 7 and 4 years and are settled and my son is in a relationship too . we have been together since 15 and 17 and are now in our fifties... but we as parents need to protect our children .... and yes i do agree their are many fatherless children but to be a young teen parent takes a part of your life when you are meant to be finding your way having fun not changing nappies and worrying about child support.... i do however come across many wonderful teen mum's who are very motivated and there support for each other in our programme makes me very humble ... if you had listened to the stories I have over the years believe me you would be teaching your children to value there bodies but if they choose to have sex be safe ... protect your body and your life once you have a child with some one you are linked for life like it or not....


I am not at all against handing out condoms..nor every teen to sit & listen to every sex education class the school has available...oh yes!! If the kid is going to DO IT , he/she better take advantage of them !! Not against it at all .. the majority of teens won't listen to sound advice...that is the reality.

I am not religious, I don't home school or anything like that... but far too many WILL DO IT ..and quicker than what they might have .....if they are not taught the ramifications beyond what can happen...*emotional* (this is not in these classes at all , is it?)... *financial*, and *health *wise... and understand sometimes restraint may be a better choice...how to handle those raging hormones and the maze of emotions along with it...could save many young people from a load of baggage with broken relationships.. 

My beliefs are older fashioned, it is what it is.. most people would disagree with me... that's fine....I expect it even. 

The more Romantic souls of our world would not like having a variety of sexual partners...or want their future partner to either if it can be helped.... many would prefer to hold out for that one very special person to share this beautiful experience....I see it as one of the most beautiful Gifts our creator has given us. (No matter your beliefs)...who doesn't love sex [email protected]#$%^&

Some things are worth waiting for... that's my position.

But because our world embraces casual sex so easily...much of this is because of contraception... as it defeats pregnancy....it is the norm NOW for our young people....we are taught to embrace our sexuality - but how much time do they spend talking about Masterbation or even pleasuring a partner this way ....not going all the way..if they are unsure of the relationship....when these lustful desires are raging .... sexual discipline can be a virtue sometimes. 

I tend to think there is something very sacred when the penis enters the vagina....maybe that is stupid to many...but it isn't TO ME....this will always carry the potential for "new life" --does anything in our world carry such weight...such awesomeness.....it's just not a small thing... I don't care how we try to dress it up...or downplay sex. 

When we are taught to embrace our sexuality, to sow our wild oats...*it's like peer pressure*... and we know how kids handle that! Is THIS what all our young people need? It's just a question....

For every parent....educator...they can make up their own minds.....

Nothing wrong with a variety of sexual views... but kids today who want to remain virgins get made fun of...I've seen it on this forum even....called prudes, what is wrong with them, must be fat and homely... I don't think this is cool.. the pendulum has swung completely in the other direction now... 

If you are interested in learning the 6 sexual lenses people look through --a book written by a College Professor teaching sexual ethics for 20 yrs....  Click HERE

I found it very enlightening and it's helped me see WHY people feel differently as they do, I have the book. Young people should be aware and careful to understand the lenses of each & every partner they sleep with... it does cause issues when one has different expectations/ beliefs over another...


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## treyvion

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am not at all against handing out condoms..nor every teen to sit & listen to every sex education class the school has available...oh yes!! If the kid is going to DO IT , he/she better take advantage of them !! Not against it at all .. the majority of teens won't listen to sound advice...that is the reality.
> 
> I am not religious, I don't home school or anything like that... but far too many WILL DO IT ..and quicker than what they might have .....if they are not taught the ramifications beyond what can happen...*emotional* (this is not in these classes at all - this can get into moral biases even)..... *financial*, and *health *wise... and understand sometimes restraint may be a better choice...how to handle those raging hormones and the maze of emotions along with it...could save many young people from a load of baggage with broken relationships..
> 
> My beliefs are older fashioned, it is what it is.. most people would disagree with me... that's fine....I expect it even.
> 
> The more Romantic souls of our world would not like having a variety of sexual partners...or want their future partner to either if it can be helped.... many would prefer to hold out for that one very special person to share this beautiful experience....and it IS one of the one beautiful Gifts our creator has given us. (No matter your beliefs)...who doesn't love sex [email protected]#$%^&
> 
> Some things are worth waiting for... that's my position.
> 
> But because our world embraces casual sex so easily...much of this is because of contraception... as it defeats pregnancy....it is the norm NOW for our young people....we are taught to embrace our sexuality - but how much time do they spend talking about Masterbation or even pleasuring a partner this way ....not going all the way..if they are unsure of the relationship....when these lustful desires are raging .... sexual discipline can be a virtue sometimes.
> 
> I tend to think there is something very sacred when the penis enters the vagina....maybe that is stupid to many...but it isn't TO ME....this will always carry the potential for a "new life" --does anything in life carry such weight...such awesomeness.....it's just not a small thing... I don't care how we try to dress it up...or downplay sex.
> 
> When we are taught to embrace our sexuality, to sow our wild oats...*it's like peer pressure*... and we know how kids handle that! Is THIS what all our young people need? It's just a question....
> 
> For every parent....educator...they can make up their own minds.....
> 
> Nothing wrong with a variety of sexual views... but kids today who want to remain virgins get made fun of...I've seen it on this forum even....called prudes, what is wrong with them, must be fat and homely... I don't think this is cool.. the pendulum has swung completely in the other direction now...
> 
> If you are interested in learning the 6 sexual lenses people look through --a book written by a College Professor teaching sexual ethics for 20 yrs....  Click HERE
> 
> I found it very enlightening and it's helped me see WHY people feel differently as they do, I have the book. Young people should be aware and careful to understand the lenses of each & every partner they sleep with... it does cause issues when one has different expectations/ beliefs over another...


Who says you can't embrace your sexuality without spreading it with a whole lot of people?


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## SimplyAmorous

treyvion said:


> Who says you can't embrace your sexuality without spreading it with a whole lot of people?


You are right ~ Absolutely - if I was giving that impression by my own personal boundaries... it was not meant to be taken that way.

I suppose if one googled .."Embracing one's sexuality" - many articles would pop up with various slants to them....and again...depending on the sexual lenses of the writer !

I found this one but didn't read many... it speaks of what you are saying....


> Embrace your sexuality | Metro
> 
> *So, you like sex. Shame on you, right? *
> Many women, from post-war baby boomers to the fresh-faced crop of Generation Y, still have problems dealing with—even acknowledging—their own sensuality and sexuality. We navigate a minefield of religious and societal sanctions, health hazards, and a global media that bombards us with sexual imagery while at the same time being capable of uttering the words Sex, Sin and whor** in the same sentence. What are we as women to do? We asked a few readers and friends about embracing our own sexuality, and here’s what they had to say:
> 
> *** **Sexuality doesn’t mean promiscuity*
> 
> Being sexual doesn’t mean sleeping around. It’s not the number of men you’ve slept with that make your sex life truly fulfilling, but the quality of the sex, and how you feel about yourself after, that count. A woman can be her truest sexual self within the confines of a monogamous relationship—as a matter of fact, that’s where most women find the sexual identity they were looking for. As one married male musician tells us, “Finding and embracing your sexual self doesn't necessarily mean shame or being a sl**, particularly if your explorations are within the bounds of a loving, responsible relationship.”
> 
> *Unshackle your mind*
> 
> Although religious and moral codes are invaluable to maintaining order, they’re still rooted in an age where a woman’s sexuality was taboo. Those of us who are strong in our faiths find ourselves conflicted: how do we remain true to what we believe while still finding personal, emotional and sexual fulfilment? Here, the choice is a personal one. But as we try to solve a dilemma that can erroneously be seen as a choice between body and soul, remember that many of the admonitions against what a woman thinks, feels and does are mired in an age when we were barely allowed to do any of the above.
> 
> Even our secular sisters feel the weight of social opinion. It’s especially galling because the condemnation for acting on our sexual feelings falls upon us, rather than on the broader backs of our brothers.“Men count their ‘conquests’ as notches on their belt, but women are considered ‘*****s’,” one banker observes. An article on sexuality suggested, perhaps tongue in cheek, that when women are asked how many people they’ve slept with, they halve their ‘number’, while men double theirs.
> 
> *Find a safe place*
> 
> We can’t express our sexuality if we feel pressured or threatened. In order to be truly fulfilled, we need to find a safe place... and that ‘place’ doesn’t necessarily mean a location. Safety has to do with being with someone you trust, who will open his mind wide enough to help you open yours.“Finding a safe place” also means making your life a maco-free zone. It’s a small country, and everyone knows somebody who knows somebody who did this, that and the other with somebody else. “Discreet” isn’t synonymous with “prudish”. Being sexual doesn’t mean getting drunk enough to whip off your top while a dozen cell phones upload your antics to the World Wide Web. Don’t feed the gossips. Better yet, get them out of your life. Who needs friends who spend more time getting their jollies over other people’s lives than living for themselves?
> 
> *Remember, you’re not alone*
> 
> The insurance agent in the grey suit patiently explaining your claim form to you was probably blindfolded and tied up last night. Your post-lady has an account at SexToysRUs.com. “The actions that society condemns in public, it commits behind closed doors,” one man suggests. We all like sex. We’re programmed to like sex. People are having more sex than you could possibly imagine, even those who act like butter won’t melt in their mouths.
> 
> *The key to enjoying our own sexuality is to remember that it’s not about what ‘people’ would think, but what we think. How great sex makes us feel, what a healing, bonding joy it is. Set the boundaries you feel comfortable with and play within them. And for the sake of love, don’t be too hard on yourself*. A friend adds, “You judge yourself way harder than society does.” Embracing our sexuality is a life-long journey towards self-discovery; get yourself a First Class ticket to ride.


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## justdance4me

SimplyAmorous said:


> Me and my husband waited for intercourse for marriage...we have 5 sons, the 1st 3 are nothing like Players... very romantic, old fashioned, treats women right...our 2nd son met his GF at age 14.... they will be together 2 yrs in a few months...they don't have any drama like most teens......if they last, what a Love story it will be!
> 
> We've taught our kids from a young age, regardless of what they see in school , with the loose attitudes towards sex... it is best to wait for one love if they can...while they are young, they have TIME on their side... they know our sexual story, we are very open with our children...
> 
> They see the love & affection going forth between Dad & Mom... the bantering, flirting even... .they also know we have lots of Sex.... the last message children need today is ...marriages are sexless while all the singles are getting it on.
> 
> When our bedroom door is shut, there is a 75% chance that is what is happening. They even know I post on a marriage forum and talk about all of these things...
> 
> The openness we have had through the years has given us a very close relationship with our teens, they know they can bring ANYTHING / EVERYTHING to us... we will not scold them but we will offer every view there is...the pros, the cons.....and encourage them to make the wisest choice for their futures...after all ...THEY have to live them..
> 
> We have given them a good foundation / sound reasoning for right living.... but it's up to them to maintain a life of honorable character in these areas.
> 
> I believe everyone should be taught *Sexual integrity* ... if a boy uses a girl (has no emotion or care for a future together)...knowing SHE has feelings/hopes for him....he has HURT her, even CRUSHED her......he is not honorable...that is NOT OK behavior in our house. If the boy needs to get off, WHACK IT !
> 
> If our sons sleep with a woman he damn well better love her enough to put a ring on her finger and marry her...if a child results.... otherwise it is just not RIGHT.
> 
> *Far too many children are born without fathers today*..foster care system a disgrace... society is a mess because we have embraced "Sex is JUST sex"..no emotion or attachment required...I believe this slices empathy ...desensitizes us all..... we learn to compartmentalize our feelings...why some feel this can be so easily blown to the wind once this habitual lifestyle has been lived for years...I will never understand....Sex is a very vulnerable act....OR SHOULD BE...
> 
> Lots of contraception mistakes out there....I don't think this is OK... and STD's... no amount of pleasure is worth screwing with a young woman's fertility..... some STD's can cause silent Pelvic Inflammatory Disease...and render a woman infertile ... Are we also teaching our girls this...even if a small risk, it is one none the less...she has the possibility to risk her future Motherhood....sleeping with the Hot studs...who could have banged ...well... 50 plus ...college these days..I'd hate to even hear the stats on that!


I am the Godmother to a baby who was conceived by artificial insemination. The mom (one of my best friends since I was 3) is not married but wanted a baby! She is a great mom and her now 3 year old is a pleasure! I don't see anything wrong with single moms ONLY if you have the financial and emotional capability to support a baby, which my friend does!

The poster who wrote about a box of condoms in her bathroom for her kids - great idea, I will let my mom know about that one. She is also a sex educator. 

My mom taught me that if I wanted to have sex for the first time, to go to her first, she will help me get "prepared". She did say it will be more pleasurable with someone you care deeply for and love, but never said to wait for marriage, just wait until you are married. She has always been open to myself and my brother. I lost my virginity when I was 15 to my boyfriend at the time, the same boyfriend I had until I was 23, when he passed away.


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## SimplyAmorous

justdance4me said:


> I am the Godmother to a baby who was conceived by artificial insemination. The mom (one of my best friends since I was 3) is not married but wanted a baby! She is a great mom and her now 3 year old is a pleasure! I don't see anything wrong with single moms ONLY if you have the financial and emotional capability to support a baby, which my friend does!
> 
> The poster who wrote about a box of condoms in her bathroom for her kids - great idea, I will let my mom know about that one. She is also a sex educator.
> 
> My mom taught me that if I wanted to have sex for the first time, to go to her first, she will help me get "prepared". She did say it will be more pleasurable with someone you care deeply for and love, but never said to wait for marriage, just wait until you are married. She has always been open to myself and my brother. I lost my virginity when I was 15 to my boyfriend at the time, the same boyfriend I had until I was 23, when he passed away.


So long as you know what works for you, live and let live... I am the type of person who would have regretted having sex with someone who wasn't my forever - that is just a part of who I am... I knew this at a very young age....I contemplated all of these things... so I lived accordingly.

Boys sex drives are raging much higher than girls in their late teens/ early 20's...(they have 10 X plus more testosterone over woman)...and they will say anything to get into a girls pants... so long as girls are aware of this, and have no illusions to wanting more ....it just seems many get their hearts ripped in 2....as they want to be Liked/ loved .......and much hurt goes forth.....I will surely talk to my own daughter about these things.. (along with available condoms). 

I don't like to see how cheap sex has been reduced to in society today either...Everywhere people are jumping in & out of bed with each other...

We have a good friend who drives bus for a College campus...works at night many times around the Football games, etc... He gets to see it all... he's had to stop couples from having sex ON THE BUS... drunken college students hooking up, one girl asked him to DO her. It's very disheartening.. This is what goes on.. That's our new world....there is no shame anymore . 

My own Mother slept around with a variety of men after her divorce from my Father... she has shared with me how those experiences affected her...she lost ALL EMOTION to the act...and never believed in Love again....her 2nd husband used to say of her -she could peel her clothes off like peeling a banana.... I never wanted to walk her path... so in this way...my upbringing has affected me as well....even though I would not allow that to touch my own life....I wanted a different story. 

We almost needed In vitro ourselves... was scheduled for it to conceive our 2nd child (after 6+ yrs of tying)...but got pregnant on that very cycle. Imagine our elation. 

Marriage is clearly dying in today's world...it really doesn't seem necessary any more....I guess I am just one of those who find that ...just a little sad.


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## justdance4me

@ SimplyAmorous I agree with you to a point. Everyone has their own beliefs and I respect that and love the fact that you cherish so many of the finer qualities of marriage.

Regarding the "On the bus" behaviour. I may get flacked here but I don't see anything wrong with casual sex, as long as both parties are doing it responsibly. I see sex as a "for pleasure" activity whether married or not. If I were single and not in a committed relationship and I was for almost 10 years (just dating nothing serious), I would of had no problems having sex with one of my "dates" if he was into it as well. 

What I would share with a husband or long term partner would be something different from casual sex. That is where "making love" would come in, emotional, pleasurable on a whole different level. Sort of like tantric sexuality, where two become one, spiritual etc. But thats my opinion on the matter.

My mom said couples are going to have sex no matter what - whether married, dating, long term etc. Its human nature! 

What i agree 100% with you on is "Marriage is clearly dying in today's world...". I read an extensive article in the National Post a year ago about how Adultery is no longer a man's game, increasing amounts of women are committing adultery. What I question is whether humans are really supposed to be monogamous anyways? I should have studied sociology/anthropology instead of fine arts. :scratchhead:


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## SimplyAmorous

justdance4me said:


> What i agree 100% with you on is "Marriage is clearly dying in today's world...". I read an extensive article in the National Post a year ago about how Adultery is no longer a man's game, increasing amounts of women are committing adultery. *What I question is whether humans are really supposed to be monogamous anyways? I should have studied sociology/anthropology instead of fine arts*. :scratchhead:


I have read some about this... Scientists have come upon some very interesting discoveries... much can be learned from the Prairie Vole..and "Vasopressin" (hailed as the "Monogamy" gene)...

Genetic Factors/ Physiological & Enviormental Factors & how to Lower the risk here >>


> Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Will Your Man Cheat?
> 
> *Genetic Factors*:
> 
> A shorter version of the vasopressin receptor gene: Scientists discovered that in prairie voles and humans, monogamous males have a long version of the vasopressin receptor gene " the gene that's been dubbed the "cheater gene" " and males who are promiscuous or stay bachelors have a shorter version.
> 
> A low number of Oxytocin receptors: Oxytocin is a chemical that causes you to trust other people and form strong bonds. Men with a low number of Oxytocin receptors are less likely to form strong bonds and committed relationships and are at a higher risk of cheating..


Endless Google articles on this...Here is one that explains a lot ..
"The monogamy gene"?



> *justdance4me said*: Regarding the "On the bus" behaviour. I may get flacked here but I don't see anything wrong with casual sex, as long as both parties are doing it responsibly. I see sex as a "for pleasure" activity whether married or not. If I were single and not in a committed relationship and I was for almost 10 years (just dating nothing serious), I would of had no problems having sex with one of my "dates" if he was into it as well.


 You would get less Flack for that - over my views because you are more in the majority of today... I am the one going against the wind... I too feel sex is natural.. of course...I remember how I felt as a teen who wanted felt up the skirt ! 

It just gets murky when a Romantic who feels Sex (going all the way, needing birth control/ his entering)...should be reserved for someone they deeply love, want to spend their life with, emotionally entangled, wanting to know them body & soul ....these feelings are very strong if this is their mindset... these people should NOT get together with those who don't hold these same views/ or lenses...as feelings get very hurt...

I don't see it as an insecurity as much as I see it *about Values*, what the sex act represents and means to us personally..... and many would argue with me on THAT.... 
. 
This doesn't however mean we can't enjoy other physical pleasures along the way.. everyone has their personal lines drawn in the sand...just know what they are... hold them... and don't get attached to someone who would belittle that..on either side of this coin.... cause this can Crush a person...



> My mom said couples are going to have sex no matter what - whether married, dating, long term etc. Its human nature!


 I'd say ALL kids are going to experiment but not ALL will go all the way...the majority ...I am going to say YES....because it is now acceptable, even EXPECTED. 

But really.... a young person's beliefs (if they honor them- some actually do - I know a # of them)...their upbringing, their hormones, their emotions, this all plays a part in where they draw their personal lines in the sexual...also discipline if they care to wait for that someone very very special. 

It's just not so cut & dried... 

And really... I have to wonder where Parents hold their line with their kids today.. is it the common "well they are just going to do it, can't stop nature - so here is the condoms"....do you care about the age, or just about the protection...do you keep your daughters from being alone with a boy...I mean.... even a walk in the backyard (if you live in the country that is) could lead to sex...or has the age been so lowered that even 14 yrs olds are doing it. I know the boys sure want too! 

Does anyone here have any strong feelings on AGE... appropriateness...of engaging in the sex act....and if you feel strongly...not until age ____ what you do to safeguard this ?


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## justdance4me

@SimplyAmorous

I wouldn't want my 14 y/o daughter having sex! I had sex for the first time at 15 with a boy who was 17. I thought it was weird at first.

I think prom is seen as a good point for kids to have sex for the first time, but who knows.

I cannot see my 16 year old step daughter having sex any time soon. She has no bf and her dad (my Fiance) is so intimidating I would be scared if I were her bf!! His 14 and 12 year old sons (my soon to be step sons) are too busy with video games to even chat with girls let alone have sex with one!


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## larry.gray

SimplyAmorous said:


> Does anyone here have any strong feelings on AGE... appropriateness...of engaging in the sex act....and if you feel strongly...not until age ____ what you do to safeguard this ?


As far as 'safeguards' there is little that I can really do unless I police my daughters 24 hours a day. My oldest is also 17, in under 1 year I have no say on what she does. At this moment she's house sitting for my in-laws. She's got a driver's license. She'd be quite able to get away with a whole lot in their house right now.

It's far more about talking to her growing up, and setting her up to make smart choices.


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## SimplyAmorous

> *larry.gray said*: *It's far more about talking to her growing up, and setting her up to make smart choices*.


 Yes...this is the best any of us can do...

We allow our 16 yr old and his GF to get off alone (not monitoring every move they make)... because of the many & in-depth back & forth conversations we've had....and his assuring feedback as well....unless he is lying through his teeth and taking his GF for a ride (I highly doubt this)....

I feel we have done a thorough job in preparing him....with every sexual scenario, the pros, the cons, the meaning, the weight it all carries...and how to deal with his RAGING male hormones. 

He told me one day....HER mother told her she doesn't care what she does when she is 17....and here I am telling him .....he'd better keep it in his pants at least till age 18....and he's there telling us he really wants to wait till marriage, like I should know better MOM!..... had the whole purity ring for a time...(I think it broke)...Hope that doesn't mean [email protected]#$ 

He really believes (as does she) that is something to strive for... but can they really pull it off..... will they last....So often College changes things... we'll see.... I guess time will unravel that story.


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## TCSRedhead

We were practical. The oldest came to us prior to having sex, we took her to get b/c and condoms. The youngest went on the pill prior to sex as well. 

It's not realistic to think that ALL people will wait for marriage. I didn't want lack of knowledge and preparation to end up in becoming a parent like I did.


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