# What is it like to married for 20 years or more?



## Macro

I was going through my journal last night and read an entry about a day my husband and I spent together when we were still dating and had only been together for 2 years. I remembered how I felt at that time, like our relationship was the end-all be-all of relationships and like I could never love more than I did at that moment. Even so, that entry was dated 6 years ago, and I can say that our relationship then was nothing compared to what it is now. I can't even begin to imagine how much deeper our relationship will be in 10 or 20 years from now. Would someone care to enlighten me?


----------



## NWCooper

My husband and I will have been married 30 years in January. We were young when we got married (19 & 20), didn't have a clue what we were doing. But somehow we ended up growing up together and two kids later here we are.

My husband is my best friend and I mean that not in the cliched way, but in every way possible. He is always there for me. We still hold hands, he opens doors for me, we kiss and hug lots and talk and text with each other several times a day. There is nothing we don't tell each or or cannot discuss. He always has my back and I will always have his. He still makes my heart beat faster. We just KNOW each other and that is the best thing ever. We just had to go to the other side of the state for a few days work/vacation kind of thing and it was like a little mini 2nd honeymoon.

Of course there are times when I don't like him too much (everyone has those), but I always love him. I take the time to tell him I appreciate him and all he does. I call him "handsome" all the time and he compliments me regularly,he leaves me with no doubt he thinks I am beautiful.

I appreciate and am thankful every day for him and I let him know it.


----------



## MrsTitoFrito

I, too, would love to see these responses! MrTitoFrito and I have been together for almost 6 years and married for almost 2 years. We've together so much already. I'm excited for what our future will hold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JustPuzzled

Nearly 21 years here. A few bumps along the way, but the overall trend has always been "up".

It's hard to put into words - I will just go with "awesome".

We love each other's company and we make each other laugh. We both have our own friends and busy professional lives but our favourite times are spent together.

I am sometimes startled (and sort of panicked/exhilarated!) by occasional realizations of how much I love my wife.

Sorry for gettin' all mushy.


----------



## Coffee Amore

We've been together for 23 years. We really didn't have a clue what marriage was like when we got married. We didn't rush into it, but NOW we know each other thoroughly. Now I can tell you his reaction to anything and I'll correct 99% of the time. 

He is my best friend. I have other friends of course, but he understands me better than they all do. We're there for each other. I am also his best friend. There's no topic I can't discuss with him and vice versa. I get his opinion before I get the opinion of someone else. We do a lot of things together as a couple from exercising to date nights once a month. We also do things separately so we're not with each other all the time. 

He still looks like the young man I married. Actually he looks physically better since he lifts weights and exercises more often now. He says in his eyes, I still look the same. We have our share of heated disagreements and even loud arguments, but it's not constant and we resolve our disagreements in a way that doesn't leave one of us feeling like we compromised too much. It's a skill we learned over the years. Believe me, I didn't have that skill when I first got married. 

We've gone through a lot. I once looked through a list on a psychology website of the major stressors in a person's life. I could say we've experienced at least 3-4 of those things in our marriage. And we're still together.

I just can't imagine being married to anyone else. This marriage feels very right and perfect for me and I'm not one who believes in soul mates or destiny.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *Macro said*: I was going through my journal last night and read an entry about a day my husband and I spent together when we were still dating and had only been together for 2 years. *I remembered how I felt at that time, like our relationship was the end-all be-all of relationships and like I could never love more than I did at that moment*. Even so, that entry was dated 6 years ago, and I can say that our relationship then was nothing compared to what it is now. *I can't even begin to imagine how much deeper our relationship will be in 10 or 20 years from now*. Would someone care to enlighten me?


 Sounds like you & he are very much in love and have remained so after 6 yrs... "just keeps getting better"....like the words to this song.... Amazed by Lonestar 



> I don't know how you do what you do
> I'm so in love with you
> It just keeps getting better
> I wanna spend the rest of my life
> With you by my side
> Forever and ever
> Every little thing that you do
> Baby I'm amazed by you





> *JustPuzzled said: *I am sometimes startled (and sort of panicked/exhilarated!) by occasional realizations of how much I love my wife.
> 
> Sorry for gettin' all mushy.


 Awe don't apologize for that... a man mushy for his wife... she has to appreciate that.. I know I sure do when my husband shows it !

What I FEEL for my husband NOW...after all of these years...(30 yrs + if we count dating).....it is a stronger force of appreciation, a deeper well of emotions... a wider grasp of what is right in front of me...than what I realized in my youth....even with all the newness & excitement of new Love. 

There is much Gratitude there, which spills over into all good things when expressed..it's catchy even! 

So many emotions attached to the memories along this walk we have shared....through every anticipated Joy/ celebration... each birth .. every tear ... through all the laughter ... our working side by side digging ditches, building play houses, changing transmissions....

Even our spats.......we are a strange couple, when we fight... we can't stay away from each other, we are utterly miserable until we come back together & humble our sorry a$$es... but it's so sweet ....and through some of these crazy conflicts...was born some of our funniest moments even.... which is kinda cool how we can turn them around....I was just telling a friend about one of them today, he about fell off his chair laughing....

But through it all....He was there...holding my hand....Nearly every movie we've watched together....When songs like this comes on the radio, I just want to turn it full blast and sing my heart out.....

Still the One - Orleans  ...and.... You're Still the One by Shania Twain 

This one ...getting older....I can't listen to it without tearing up... he knows it....he'll look at me, see it coming.. and say .... "Get a grip" with a big ...He loves it though. ...

 Remember When by Alan Jackson

The fireworks never have to stop...


----------



## Hope1964

My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary on Aug 2. I should get them to answer this question


----------



## Oldrandwisr

My grandmother lived to be 100, married for 70 yrs. 

She said a good marriage is constantly falling in and out of love. She said every time they fell back in love, which I assume is getting something "TAMish" sorted out, it's a new type of deeper, more secure love. 

She always told me, "never go to bed angry". Get it taken care of pronto!

They had all of the basic moral values in common and communicated well.


----------



## meson

We have been married 23 years and have known each other for 29. Our marriage is up and down but mostly up for the past five years. We are best friends and find lots to talk about. We know each others faults and compensate for them rather than nagging or berating about them. Recently our kids have been asking us grown up questions and all too frequently we say the exact same thing at the same time in response. We are mostly in sync but when we aren't we have conflicts that we have learned to resolve. We used to let resentments build up but have learned not to. The marriage is comfortable 98% of the time like a favorite shirt but it is not wearing thin yet. We are still learning new things about each other and life is still exciting.

It is worth it.


----------



## meson

My marriage has been long and good but not all long marriage are really good. My parents have been married for over 50 years and I would not want to be in a marriage like theirs. They live together but I wonder if there is really love. They constantly bicker and hold resentments and always assume the worst from the others behavior. 

They have fun times together doing certain things but otherwise live kind of separately. They are resigned to living together it seems to me. I have seen similar behavior in other long term marriages 50+ years as well as my own good experience. Just because you last does not mean its good. It's good if it still feeds your soul. It does for me but not my parents.


----------



## firefly789

Our 24th anniversary is coming up soon! I'd say you grow into a long marriage together and forge deeper bonds. The beginning was the more carefree honeymoon years. Then came the kids. You have to work together to raise them. You become parents and learn more about each other, even though you thought you knew everything there was to know already. You see each other in new roles and growing as an individual. You create deeper bonds as you talk out challenges (like having and ADD daughter) and figure out how to be the best parents possible.

Then, there's the supporting each other through the loss of a parent. This also forges deeper bonds and you deal with grief and loss together. Your relationship grows more as you face these changes.

There's the shared joys, losses, challenges, planning, work changes, setbacks, promotions, ups and downs, and rough patches. All the while facing it together and having each others back in tough times, and celebrating together in good times. You also get some of your rough edges smoothed out as you learn to be less selfish and make changes to yourself where needed. I think when a marriage works, there's nothing more meaningful and satisfying. To still be able to enjoy one anothers company and be friends as well as lovers after 20+ years is very special.

Our love is stronger, but less giddy than in the beginning. However, when we go out together or on a vacation by ourselves, I still feel like we are young honeymooners!


----------



## LonelyinLove

My DH asked me today, as we were walking into Lowes and holding hands, "how many couples married as long as us still couldn't keep their hands off each other"....

My response was "not nearly enough"...

We will be married 35 years in the fall.


----------



## committed4ever

LonelyinLove said:


> My DH asked me today, as we were walking into Lowes and holding hands, "how many couples married as long as us still couldn't keep their hands off each other"....
> 
> My response was "not nearly enough"...
> 
> We will be married 35 years in the fall.


I can't help it -- I'm too nos ... I mean inquisitive. 

Why, then, do you have that screen name "Lonelyinlove?"


----------



## committed4ever

What a inspiration you over 20's years couples are! We have been married 8 years and I do often wonder if we can sustain our level of happiness in our marriage and continue to get along as well as we do, because I see so many failed. 

I really appreciate your stories as encouragement. It's GREAT!


----------



## LonelyinLove

committed4ever said:


> I can't help it -- I'm too nos ... I mean inquisitive.
> 
> Why, then, do you have that screen name "Lonelyinlove?"


It's a Dan Fogelberg song title, my favorite.


----------



## romantic_guy

I love positive threads like this! I have told our story many times here, but we got married at 16 & 17; she was pregnant. Sure we have had our rough moments...plenty of them. It was actually around year 20 that things started to go from good to great. We are best friends and passionate lovers. Our 41st anniversary was in July, but we leave tomorrow for an entire week together at a resort in the Riviera Maya to celebrate. It is going to be so sexy and romantic!


----------



## anotherguy

romantic_guy said:


> ..Our 41st anniversary was in July, but we leave tomorrow for an entire week together at a resort in the Riviera Maya to celebrate. It is going to be so sexy and romantic!


:smthumbup:

Enjoy!


----------



## Pandakiss

We have been together 22 years. The thing we still do is act like the young kids we were when we got together. 

We touch and laugh and joke like kids. We still fight but we can talk about it later. Our communication is a lot better now. We hang out and go everywhere together. We talk nonstop. 

Body language is huge. We have this comfort and ease about us. We are, for lack of better words, BFF. We have outside "friends" but we blow them off just to hang out together. 

We have comfortable silences. He stil gets a smile when I see him at work, I still get butterflies when I hear his music as he pulls up to the house. 

There was a thread on tam recently about annoying qualities in our mates, and I really couldn't think of any of his, he has them, but he makes me want to be a better me, so I listed my annoying habits. 

We almost look like a couple who dosent talk any more, because if you see us, we both have a device in our hands, and we appear to be silent....but we look cozy and if you walk up to us, we are talking a mile a minute. 

Then we just start having (fun) debates, we meet a lot people and most are shocked at the fact we are married, with 4 kids, one of whom will be 18 soon. 

He does all the things I like, and very few of which I don't. We just have this together-ness.


----------



## anotherguy

I guess we had the opposite start to Romantic_Guy.

We were in our mid 20s, both in college. We dated for a while and wound up living together for about 5 years before getting married. Then we had about 10 years of that - getting our careers going, getting a house... finally warming up to the idea of kids.. so by the time we had our first we had been together 15 years and very well prepared financially and in a very stable relationship.

I sometimes wonder if we would have made it this far if we had been in similar circumstances as Romantic_guy - and it must be rewarding to have tyour relationship tempered by file like that... but at the same time I think we get a certain amount of satisfaction tinking that we didnt hurry things etc. 

So... 10 years after THAT.. now we have 2 young kids.. and have been together 25. Married 20. Things seem to have gotten easier after ...say 15 years even with little ones in the mix.

Could be we are just getting old and tired. ;-) But on the outside - it looks like patience anyway. I think we both have learned at this point what is important and what isnt in our relationship, and I think we both listen better and understand each other better. We laugh at each other and ourselves easier. I think there was some point where it just became so evident that we were in it for the 'long haul' that many of the little issues and conflicts seem to fade a little more into the background. We get along, we genuinely respect each other as individuals and the rest... sex, raising kids, sort of falls into place - easier.

Its not always sunshine and rainbows of course - but for the most part - yeah - it is. It really makes the rest of your life much easier - work, intra-family drama...money.. all of it when you really come to understand you can fully depend on your spouse fully. (did I just say 'fully' twice'?)

Gads - I feel like Im going to break my own arm patting myself on that back so much. Im not bragging though... it just looks that way when I write it down...


----------



## MrsLadyWriter

Hubby and I celebrated our 19th anniversary today. I had balloons sent to his office. His co-workers were floored! They thought he had gotten them to bring home to me!

I went to the grocery store to buy the fixin's for chicken cordon bleu, fresh string beans, potatoes au gratin. I got some strawberries and some milk and white chocolate. Got a bunch of them coated when he called to say be ready to go out when he got home. Had a nice dinner at a cozy Italian restaurant near us. So, I told him I'd make his anniversary meal for Wednesday night and coat some more strawberries.

After 19 years of marriage, some really wicked fights, lots of tears and even more hugs and hand-holding... I would have to say he's still my best friend. Lots of ups and lots of downs and TONS of inside jokes that are just for the two of us.

For us, it's the laughter that keeps us together. We can laugh at each other and at ourselves. We don't laugh at the same jokes sometimes, and we don't always like the same TV programs, but we have lots of fun together.

One of our running jokes is the "thanks for paying attention" line. For example, I am not a big fan of coconut, but if he goes to the store and buys me something with coconut in it I'll ask him why. He'll invariably say because you like coconut. And I'll say "19 years and you STILL don't remember I don't like coconut! Thanks for paying attention!" Or he'll say something but I didn't hear him because my attention was on something else and he'll have to repeat it and then say "thanks for paying attention". It's our cue to each other that we're not mad about what the other did but rather more amused about it.

19 years and I'm so looking forward to the next 19!

:woohoo:
:woohoo:
:woohoo:


----------



## InlandTXMM

I'm a month away from our 20th, and I can say it's been a journey of a thousand miles with my wife. We've been through successes and failures, hardship and good times.

We started out as basically kids (20 and 21), dated for 2 years and then married. We now we have kids getting close to the age we were when we first met. I now have had more of my life with her by my side, than I've had years without her.

It takes commitment to communicate, genuine concern for each other's well being and happiness, and the ability to be completely yourself with the other person.

I can say this, after reminiscing about our dating years and the early years of our marriage - 20 years makes me sincerely hope I live long enough for another 40 with her. I am overwhelmed at how deeply I love her. Every time I look at her, it takes my breath away. It's hard for me to see where I stop and she begins. It's a merging at the edges into one person.

Sounds sappy, but that's the way it feels at 20. I'd do it all again a hundred times over.


----------



## Philat

Macro said:


> I was going through my journal last night and read an entry about a day my husband and I spent together when we were still dating and had only been together for 2 years. I remembered how I felt at that time, like our relationship was the end-all be-all of relationships and like I could never love more than I did at that moment. Even so, that entry was dated 6 years ago, and I can say that our relationship then was nothing compared to what it is now. I can't even begin to imagine how much deeper our relationship will be in 10 or 20 years from now. Would someone care to enlighten me?


Married 37 years here, three adult children. I tell you, macro, it will ebb and flow, it will not be a continuous straight line leading to ever greater depth. It's not only the relationship that will change, the two of you will change as people and you have to keep in touch with each other's changing needs. You can't communicate too much. Check out this thread for some insight along these lines:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...99393-what-were-bumps-long-term-marriage.html

At the end of the day, you'll know you've done it right if, after 20 years, you can tell yourself truthfully that despite all the ups and downs you would do it all over again.


----------



## jay1365

Just past 20 here. Imagine 10 simultaneous root canals with no novacaine while someone pounds nails into your knee caps. I think that about sums it up.


----------



## hambone

Been married 21 years and I'd do it again in a heart beat.

We were older.. we were 35 when we got married.

My only regret is that we didn't meet earlier, so I could have married her sooner.

Our kids are 20 and 18 so we're about to be empty nesters. I have totally enjoyed every moment of raising our kids. 

I retired 12 years ago, so the wife and I spend a lot of time together. That said, I have never, not once, felt like we needed some time apart.

This was a 2nd marriage for both of us. I speak from experience... a bad marriage is hell. Absolutely miserable. A good marriage is wonderful. 

I love my wife. She's my best friend.


----------



## sammy3

This Jan. would have been 30 yrs. of a really pretty good run, but the past 2 yrs.have been anything but. When I look back, those 27 yrs. flew by, not like these past two.

All these years later, I would still get butterflies in my stomach when I would greet him at the airport. Amazing... 

~sammy


----------



## heartsbeating

Pandakiss said:


> We have been together 22 years. The thing we still do is act like the young kids we were when we got together.
> 
> We touch and laugh and joke like kids. We still fight but we can talk about it later. Our communication is a lot better now. We hang out and go everywhere together. We talk nonstop.
> 
> Body language is huge. We have this comfort and ease about us. We are, for lack of better words, BFF. We have outside "friends" but we blow them off just to hang out together.
> 
> We have comfortable silences. He stil gets a smile when I see him at work, I still get butterflies when I hear his music as he pulls up to the house.
> 
> There was a thread on tam recently about annoying qualities in our mates, and I really couldn't think of any of his, he has them, but he makes me want to be a better me, so I listed my annoying habits.
> 
> We almost look like a couple who dosent talk any more, because if you see us, we both have a device in our hands, and we appear to be silent....but we look cozy and if you walk up to us, we are talking a mile a minute.
> 
> Then we just start having (fun) debates, we meet a lot people and most are shocked at the fact we are married, with 4 kids, one of whom will be 18 soon.
> 
> He does all the things I like, and very few of which I don't. We just have this together-ness.


What a beautiful post!


----------



## Wiltshireman

My wife and I have been married just over 19 years so I think I have a reasonable idea of what 20 years will be like.

As with most couples in long term relationships it is all about how you cope with the problems and challenges that life throws at you.

We have had financial worries (especially when our first child was born), medical problems (for my wife and a disabled child), and feelings of neglect / isolation (working long hours / away from home).

The things that have helped us get through these trials together are:
Shared long term goals and ambitions.
Talking honestly with each other,
The ability to prioritize and compromise,
Each putting the needs of others before your own wants,
The support for and of family and community.

I feel that these traits can help any relationship stand the test of time. On a personal level a shared faith in god (if not doctrine) has been a great help to us also. (I do understand that that would not be the case for all).


----------



## hambone

sammy3 said:


> This Jan. would have been 30 yrs. of a really pretty good run, but the past 2 yrs.have been anything but. When I look back, those 27 yrs. flew by, not like these past two.
> 
> All these years later, I would still get butterflies in my stomach when I would greet him at the airport. Amazing...
> 
> ~sammy


It's a cliche for Bill Clinton but, I do feel your pain.

For you, Sammy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGwDYBWEDSc


----------



## Curious_Guy

As young guy who joined TAM to see the destruction of infidelity ever since I witnessed a friend of mine who his mother cheated, I must say, I need to get out of the Coping With Infidelity section and spend time cruising around this section.

Gives me hope of having a good marriage, unlike the CWI section.


----------



## over20

We have been together for 26 years, 21 of them married. I love him more now than I did when I said my vows!!

Our relationship or course is different too, in a very good way. Being married this long feels so comforting. My husband is part of me, in my blood. I have so much life and memories wrapped up in him I adore him and feel so blessed!!


----------



## Rebfjecca

I should get them to answer this question


----------



## Blondilocks

We were married for 43 years when my husband passed earlier this year. With each year we got to know each other better and how to navigate around difficulties. 

Just when we thought we had this thing called marriage down pat, a little something called change would pop up. That's the fun part - learning about your 'new' partner and falling in love all over again.

If you're together long enough, you will have multiple spouses who are all rolled into the one you originally married. It was a hell of a ride!


----------



## Granny7

Blondilocks said:


> We were married for 43 years when my husband passed earlier this year. With each year we got to know each other better and how to navigate around difficulties.
> 
> Just when we thought we had this thing called marriage down pat, a little something called change would pop up. That's the fun part - learning about your 'new' partner and falling in love all over again.
> 
> If you're together long enough, you will have multiple spouses who are all rolled into the one you originally married. It was a hell of a ride!


I've been married 52 yrs. and the first 23 were not to bad. I loved my husband as much at the end of those 23 yrs. if not more, than the day I married him. I am not sure if I should even be posting on this topic, but unfortunately he had a 3 yr. affair over 25 yrs. ago and that changed me and our marriage totally. I eventually forgave him, but his behavior (not other woman) of cherishing me like I did him seemed to get lost along the way, no matter what I did. So 25 yrs. later, I question, why did I stay? I'm now 70 YuK and in a marriage that am scared to get out of at my age, but we have grown so far apart in these part 5 years. Now he's trying to make it work after over 25 yrs. of not treating me special and I don't even feel anything anymore. I want to know how he could betray the woman who loved him so much for 3 years and I can't get any answer that will let him back into my heart. So we are one of those marriages you are referring to, we just live together for now, but it's very strained and unhappy. Not sure if I can do it anymore. I so envy reading all these beautiful love letters and to all of you who wrote them, God Bless You. Never forget that special love, it doesn't come along very often and it's one that I also thought I would grow old with.


----------



## Granny7

Blondilocks said:


> We were married for 43 years when my husband passed earlier this year. With each year we got to know each other better and how to navigate around difficulties.
> 
> Just when we thought we had this thing called marriage down pat, a little something called change would pop up. That's the fun part - learning about your 'new' partner and falling in love all over again.
> 
> If you're together long enough, you will have multiple spouses who are all rolled into the one you originally married. It was a hell of a ride!


So sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like it was a fun marriage for the two of you.


----------



## BeachGuy

22 years for me. Unfortunately not going to make it past that. I had no idea how hard marriage could be. They should teach that in high school as a mandatory class. Along with compounding interest. Lol.

My parents will celebrate their 59th anniversary in a month. At one point they nearly divorced but survived the turmoil.


----------



## Blondilocks

Thought I was a thread killer for mentioning my husband had died.

Granny7, my heart goes out to you. Read up on the 180 and learn to live your life for you - forget about trying to let him into your heart. If he trys hard enough, he might make it in there all on his own.

My number 1 personal goal is to wring as much joy out of each & every day that I can manage. Number 2 is to live each day on my terms - forget about the little nagging voice wondering what the neighbors (or whoever) will think.

I sincerely hope you find some well-deserved happiness and peace at this point in your life.


----------



## over20

Blondilocks said:


> Thought I was a thread killer for mentioning my husband had died.
> 
> Granny7, my heart goes out to you. Read up on the 180 and learn to live your life for you - forget about trying to let him into your heart. If he trys hard enough, he might make it in there all on his own.
> 
> My number 1 personal goal is to wring as much joy out of each & every day that I can manage. Number 2 is to live each day on my terms - forget about the little nagging voice wondering what the neighbors (or whoever) will think.
> 
> I sincerely hope you find some well-deserved happiness and peace at this point in your life.


I am so sorry for your loss.ray: All of us on this thread will go through what you have sooner or later. That's what our vows hold us to. You are very wise, thank you for sharing with us. :thumbup:

Blessings during this holiday season


----------



## lenzi

LonelyinLove said:


> My DH asked me today, as we were walking into Lowes and holding hands, "how many couples married as long as us still couldn't keep their hands off each other"....
> 
> My response was "not nearly enough"...
> 
> We will be married 35 years in the fall.





committed4ever said:


> Why, then, do you have that screen name "Lonelyinlove?"


Nice catch. It tweaked my curiosity so I went back and looked at her posts. 



LonelyinLove said:


> Hubby isn't attracted anymore because of scars from numerous surgeries.
> 
> I don't know about the husband, but this wife gets real cranky and distant when the hubs is okay with reading his book and going straight to sleep...
> 
> And my frustration is how I found this site LOL!





LonelyinLove said:


> My DH has ED. I had heart surgery and now feel like a freak. I would have ED if I had to look at me too. I'm fairly pretty, smart and accomplished but remove the clothing and I look like a tic tac toe board.
> 
> I have no idea what to do about it either and he denies I turn him off. I do not believe him..
> I feel your pain, I really do.





LonelyinLove said:


> I am not fat, but my body shape is rounded. I have large breasts and wide hips and Ice Skater legs. The perfect body for having babies.
> 
> My husband LOVES my body.


He loves me, he loves me not..

The total contradictions are anyone's guess.

You read these boards long enough things start to make less and less sense.


----------



## yeah_right

I've been married over twenty years to a guy I love. We are in R over his stupid EA earlier this year. But because he is doing everything right to support R and has been a very good husband/friend/lover/father for over two decades, we are working very hard to make a better relationship than we had before.

We have been through health scares, family annoyances, job changes, body changes, raising kids, etc. We can both fart in front of each other. Sex is plentiful. I can visualize us terrorizing the nursing home together some day, poking people in the butt with our canes. He is my best buddy and we can truly be ourselves with each other. I think we have given our kids a good example to strive for when looking for their own life partners.

With that said, we were damaged this year by the EA. So much so that I almost left him. And if anything like that happens again, I will leave without hesitation. But I don't think I would ever marry again. It probably wouldn't be nearly as fun as the last two decades have been.


----------



## Welshtyke

Just gone past 36 years together 35 of them married. We have just recommitted our love for each other, especially now the kids have grown up, now we have "our time" back. We are giggling and laughing together like we were just twenty again. It really does take your breath away. When you take stock and look back and see what you have achieved say to yourself could I have done all this without this wonderful person by my side. In my case NO. There is only ONE person in our marriage and that is US.


----------



## OhGeesh

I have not complaints, but would never get married again I know that much.


----------



## Aoife

Well, I've been with my husband for 15 years. We have been married for 3 years, but we've been living together since 1998, so I guess that counts as a 15-year-old marriage.

To be honest, we never suspected we would last this long. We kind of took it one day at a time, and days became weeks, weeks became months and months became years, and now it's 2013 and here we are. Still together. It's a lot of fun because we've been together through so many things, so now, on top of being best friends, we also feel like accomplices. And yet, even though we know each other so well, the relationship has never turned dull. We make each other laugh like no one else can and the sex has gotten so much better over the years (though it was always great from the beginning).

We still take it one day at a time, but I have the feeling we'll be together for a long, long time!


----------



## Granny7

over20 said:


> I am so sorry for your loss.ray: All of us on this thread will go through what you have sooner or later. That's what our vows hold us to. You are very wise, thank you for sharing with us. :thumbup:
> 
> Blessings during this holiday season


Blondilocks,
I've already extended my sympathy for your loss and I know it will be hard through the holidays. I so wish that I my marriage had been like yours. I loved my husband so much and his A has killed that special love. My heart aches for what was lost by his stupidity. How he could have spoiled what was so special is beyond me. I thought he loved me as much as I loved him. I can't get that feeling back again. I did forgive him 25 yrs. ago, but now the whole A has come back to haunt me as my mind is going crazy with the thoughts of him being in bed with her. According to the best lie detector test available they didn't have sex or anything like it. It was something that he said his mind wouldn't let him go past in the A. I can't even stand the thought that he lied to me for 3 yrs. and we were living together while he was cheating on me. How can that be love and respect for your partner? I'll never understand and it's 25 yrs. ago. I guess you never get totally over it and have the specialness of the purity of when you got married. 
I just want to give up and drive off somewhere and be alone, where their is no more pain and I don't have to look at his face again, as he's not the person that I married.
Granny7


----------



## jld

In May we will be married 20 years. We lived together for a year before marrying, so I get confused sometimes and feel like we have already been married 20 years, lol.

I really like having been with the same person for a long time. We moved in together when I was 23 and he was 26, and we have matured together. We have a history together. That feels comforting to me.

I like that we both knew each other's parents and extended family dynamics before people started to die or break off from the family. It just helps us understand each other and our backgrounds better.

He speaks English really well and I speak French well, so we are each okay in each other's native countries and talking to each other's families. That is helpful.

We have 5 children together, and I know we are both really grateful for them. We have been stretched by them.

The hardest thing we have gone through is our son's cancer. We have a high chance of losing him in the next few years, and we know it. We are really going to need each other then.

Dh is such a comfort to me. I think losing him would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. His love and commitment is the foundation of our marriage. He truly is the best thing that ever happened to me.


----------



## spanz

yeah you are not going to be all goo goo eyed about each other 20 years from now. BUT if things are going well, you will still be getting laid a lot (maybe 3 times a week) cuddling a lot, have some shared interests and hobbies, but have some things you do apart from each other. the important thing is to keep the relationship growing....doing new things, experiencing new adventures, learning new sex moves...when you stop growing, THEN the marriage is in trouble.


----------



## Dannie1348

We been married 46 this June guess I'm just easy lol not really we still act like teenagers in heat so why change now .


----------



## CharlieParker

41, 55 and 46, it's good to feel young at 21.


----------



## over20

21 years and counting......I wish DH and I could live another 100 yrs....


----------



## over20

Dannie1348 said:


> We been married 46 this June guess I'm just easy lol not really we still act like teenagers in heat so why change now .


That's how DH and I feel....we know we are getting older but don't feel it.....I think it might be a good thing....:smthumbup:


----------



## Betrayedone

It can be the greatest experience of your life unequalled by anything or it can be an empty hell...........it's quite that simple. I still seek the former.........


----------



## the2ofus

meson said:


> ...........Just because you last does not mean its good. It's good if it still feeds your soul. It does for me but not my parents.





MrsLadyWriter said:


> After 19 years of marriage, some really wicked fights, lots of tears and even more hugs and hand-holding... I would have to say he's still my best friend. Lots of ups and lots of downs and TONS of inside jokes that are just for the two of us.
> 
> For us, it's the laughter that keeps us together. We can laugh at each other and at ourselves. We don't laugh at the same jokes sometimes, and we don't always like the same TV programs, but we have lots of fun together.
> 
> One of our running jokes is the "thanks for paying attention" line. For example, I am not a big fan of coconut, but if he goes to the store and buys me something with coconut in it I'll ask him why. He'll invariably say because you like coconut. And I'll say "19 years and you STILL don't remember I don't like coconut! Thanks for paying attention!" Or he'll say something but I didn't hear him because my attention was on something else and he'll have to repeat it and then say "thanks for paying attention". It's our cue to each other that we're not mad about what the other did but rather more amused about it.


Great way of dealing with irritations. Usually our fights come when we forget to laugh the silly little irritating things off. 



Philat said:


> Married 37 years here, three adult children. I tell you, macro, it will ebb and flow, it will not be a continuous straight line leading to ever greater depth. It's not only the relationship that will change, the two of you will change as people and you have to keep in touch with each other's changing needs. You can't communicate too much. Check out this thread for some insight along these lines:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...99393-what-were-bumps-long-term-marriage.html
> 
> At the end of the day, you'll know you've done it right if, after 20 years, you can tell yourself truthfully that despite all the ups and downs you would do it all over again.


We often laugh when people say they are gonna learn everything about each other so they will know if they are a good fit, as if those things won't change. For instance our sex drives have went back and forth with age and hormones with me often being the hd, being perfectly matched at the start would have meant nothing. What's made the ups and down work is a man who wants to see me smile and vice versa. Knowing that the two of you are committed to working together to make this a great marriage not letting every little irritation kill it is what's gonna make it great.



Blondilocks said:


> We were married for 43 years when my husband passed earlier this year. With each year we got to know each other better and how to navigate around difficulties.
> 
> Just when we thought we had this thing called marriage down pat, a little something called change would pop up. That's the fun part - learning about your 'new' partner and falling in love all over again.
> 
> If you're together long enough, you will have multiple spouses who are all rolled into the one you originally married. It was a hell of a ride!


Sorry for your loss! 

I totally agree about the multiple spouses thing. 17.5 years and I've already seen that one. The core person is still the same but so much else changes. Makes everday new.



over20 said:


> 21 years and counting......I wish DH and I could live another 100 yrs....


We often say the same thing.

Not quite 20 for us but as we ebb that way I can defintely say I am so glad I said yes when he asked me to marry him almost 18 years ago.


----------



## 66impala

Ive been married to my high school sweetheart for 24yrs. We basically grew up together, which wasnt easy for either one of us sometimes. There has been times were one of us has been ready to throw in the towel for good. That being said I think my wife is a beautiful person, she really does light up a room when she walks into it.

What has helped me is to always try and improve a little bit. I read marriage self help books, watched videos on marriage, come to this site to see what works and doesnt. I listen more intently, and try to lower expectations of outcomes. I always joke with friends that our relationship is like the story of the Princess and the Frog, My wife is the princess and she keeps kissing the frog hoping I will turn into prince charming. 

I am a very lucky man, I just hope my wife fells the same way about me. Most of the time she does.


----------

