# Opinions wanted



## klemommy (Apr 10, 2017)

My husband and I have already decided to get a divorce. We have not officially filed yet though, mainly due to time issues(He works 60+ hours a week and I watch our 2 kids, work, and in college). Over the years our cars, house, medical bills, and kids have used any extra money we ever had. Finally, about a year ago, we managed to save up for our first ever family vacation. We decided on a cruise that is coming up this November. At the time that we booked the cruise we were still trying to work things out and didn't want to give up on our marriage yet. But now we have decided to split and don't know what to do with the vacation. On one hand, this would be our first(and only) family vacation together and would be a dream come true travel-wise. On the other hand, we would have to try to stay together until November while knowing we weren't staying together in the long run. Also, the money we would get back from canceling the cruise was going to go towards helping me move out on my own, because I earn a lot less money than my husband and couldn't afford our house. The logical part of my brain says I can go on a cruise later in life by myself with the kids, and to use the money now to move out. Conversely, the emotional part of me says I want to have the memories of at least one family vacation all together. Even though if tensions continue to grow between my husband and I it could ruin the whole cruise anyway. I need some opinions, I can't make a decision about this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

How old are your kids?

If the two of you are amicable, I'd suggest you draw straws and that parent go on the cruise.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

My only experiences going on cruises were negative ones, especially due to extra charges that keep finding their way onto your bill, tips that are expected that are automatically charged and charges from restaurants they said were included but turn out not to be. I remember my EA long time ago said that she went on a cruise with her H and they got billed $7K of just extra charges that she said took years to pay off. 

If it were me, I would cancel the trip and use the money to move out. If you guys are getting divorced anyway the cruise will just cause more aggravation.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

klemommy said:


> My husband and I have already decided to get a divorce. We have not officially filed yet though, mainly due to time issues(He works 60+ hours a week and I watch our 2 kids, work, and in college). Over the years our cars, house, medical bills, and kids have used any extra money we ever had. Finally, about a year ago, we managed to save up for our first ever family vacation. We decided on a cruise that is coming up this November. At the time that we booked the cruise we were still trying to work things out and didn't want to give up on our marriage yet. But now we have decided to split and don't know what to do with the vacation. On one hand, this would be our first(and only) family vacation together and would be a dream come true travel-wise. On the other hand, we would have to try to stay together until November while knowing we weren't staying together in the long run. Also, the money we would get back from canceling the cruise was going to go towards helping me move out on my own, because I earn a lot less money than my husband and couldn't afford our house. The logical part of my brain says I can go on a cruise later in life by myself with the kids, and to use the money now to move out. Conversely, the emotional part of me says I want to have the memories of at least one family vacation all together. Even though if tensions continue to grow between my husband and I it could ruin the whole cruise anyway. I need some opinions, I can't make a decision about this.


One big question is how are the two of you in front of the kids? Do you fight or argue often in front of them or do you try and stay as peaceful and normal in front of them? One thing I have learned and seen is when you put off a trip like this or some kind of big expenditure telling yourself that there's plenty of time to do it in the future and the money is better spent somewhere else right now, that reason will pop into your head every time there's a similar expenses.

As long as you and your husband aren't at each other's throats in front of the kids, I say go on the cruise. It's a big boat, if things get bad between you there are plenty of places to go to get away from him and relax by yourself or with your kids. Go on the cruise for you, no one else. If you decide to cancel it, it will show him that he got the best of you and is in someways still controlling what you do and when you do it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

AtMyEnd said:


> One big question is how are the two of you in front of the kids? Do you fight or argue often in front of them or do you try and stay as peaceful and normal in front of them? One thing I have learned and seen is when you put off a trip like this or some kind of big expenditure telling yourself that there's plenty of time to do it in the future and the money is better spent somewhere else right now, that reason will pop into your head every time there's a similar expenses.
> 
> As long as you and your husband aren't at each other's throats in front of the kids, I say go on the cruise. It's a big boat, if things get bad between you there are plenty of places to go to get away from him and relax by yourself or with your kids. Go on the cruise for you, no one else. If you decide to cancel it, it will show him that he got the best of you and is in someways still controlling what you do and when you do it.


It depends on the cruiseline and what type of cruise. Some use much smaller boats since they're less expensive to operate. Not sure how not going on the cruise makes him the winner here. Not going on the cruise will give the OP the money she needs to move out.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> It depends on the cruiseline and what type of cruise. Some use much smaller boats since they're less expensive to operate. Not sure how not going on the cruise makes him the winner here. Not going on the cruise will give the OP the money she needs to move out.


It's a divorce, unless the husband has some kind of proof that she caused the relationship to fail, whether they sell the house or the husband stays in it half the equity in the house is still hers. And by her not going on the cruise for the reason that if she does she won't have the money to move out, yes that makes him feel like the winner. It tells him that she still feels she needs him and can't or will have trouble being without him.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

I'd cancel and use the $ to move out....


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

klemommy said:


> Conversely, the emotional part of me says I want to have the memories of at least one family vacation all together. Even though if tensions continue to grow between my husband and I it could ruin the whole cruise anyway. I need some opinions, I can't make a decision about this.


If money is going to be tight, then you should not blow it on a trip that your kids will barely remember anyway. In your situation, the cruise will not be as idealistic as you may be imagining. I can imagine why you would be excited to experience a cruise, but wait and do it right.


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## klemommy (Apr 10, 2017)

Just to clarify some things. The kids are age 5 and 2. My husband and I are not at each other's throats and do not argue in front of the kids. We respect one another, but we acknowledge that we are not good as a couple. We have not owned our home long, so there is not much equity to be split anyway. And for some background, we both grew up in low income homes that did not have the finances for vacations, and this cruise was a very very big deal for us and something we will not be able to afford separately for a long time. Also, I have thoroughly researched all the expenses for our cruise and honestly have no idea how someone can "accidentally" run up thousands of dollars without at least a hint of what was happening. But, I obviously have no idea what kind of relationship we will have a few months from now when it is too late to cancel the trip. And just some extra info, it was my husband's idea to cancel the cruise to help me out with money, he has been extremely generous when it comes to helping adjust our family for our new, separate life.


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## GoingCrazyNow (Jun 28, 2017)

"Go on, take the money and run"


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