# she wanted divorce, i agreed, now she wants to work it out?



## mountainman_oef (Oct 8, 2011)

My wife and I have been married for over 4 years and its been rocky the whole way. Some good times and bad times, mostly like a roller coaster that just never seams to stop. I have many of my own faults i know. But in the past when we have had an argument she has said its over, she leaving etc etc. and now i'm deployed and she found some emails from over a year ago when she was having one of those "I'm leaving" episodes and I talked to another chick. now i'll be perfectly honest, i met this chick in a chat room, i exchanged adult language and pictures. it was terrible of me and I totally feel like a piece of Sh!t as I should. So again, she says its over and I feel aweful. i agree, i have messed this up and she has every right to leave me but I beg her not to. She shoots everything i say down out of anger and tell her whole extended family and friends what I've done and even shows her dad the emails i exchanged. Now I'm thinking, ok, well, its really over. There is no way I can ever repair the damage that has been done and ever feel like i'm not going to be judged for the rest of my life. Meanwhile, i'm in Afghanistan while all this is happening and i cant deal with the stress. so i get pulled off mission and given some to chill out and think. i finally reconcile it in my head that its over, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Its not the path i wanted but its whats in front of me and I've got to drive and accept what I've done. This is my fault and just take responsibility and move on. 

Now she is saying she wants to fix it, her dad is messaging me saying the rest of the immediate family just wants me to fix things with her and they wont care what happenned. I am rather torn. I am in a leadership position and my mind needs to be here, on the mission. but now she wants to try and fix things? after turning me into this emtional wreck, i'm still trying to lead men and i was just starting to get a grip on things and now she wants to make things work. Demanding that i go to counseling when i get back. Part of me really wants to end it. i dont have time for this right now, peoples lives are literally on the line. I finally accepted the fact that she was leaving and I was starting to be able to get my sh!t together. part of me wants to make things work. I'm so confused.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

First of all, Thank You for your service!

Does your wife understand that the emails took place after she said she was done with you? While not really an excuse (it would have been better to wait until you at least were seperated) I think it does have some bearing here.

In the end, I think you need to decide if once you return from deployment if you want to try and fix this.

Honestly, it sounds as if your 4 years together have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride and I am sure that the seperation due to your career has played a part in all of this.

I think you need to decide first if you are planning on staying in the service after your deployment ends and if so, how will your marriage continue to fare?

Tough decisions

Please be safe


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

Thank you for your service. 

Toffer is right. Do you have kids? If so please consider working it out. You seem to have a mind that is in the right place for a reconciliation. BRAVO to you for that. Seriously. 

Finally, remember you do not have to give an answer. You don't have to even think about it. From what I understand you won't be divorced until you get back anyway. So just take the time to think about it.


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## mountainman_oef (Oct 8, 2011)

Well I guess we are going to try and work things out. Its seams unwise to make a decision right now to end it. What kind of a person would I be if I messed, she's willing to work it out and I say no. Btw there are no children and I plan on getting out when I get back. So maybe with the lifestyle change things wont be as hectic.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Good luck to you!

Whwn you get back, please hold off on the children until you know which way this marriage is going to go


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