# 2 years in review



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

2 yr anniversary.

Well, it’s been two years since I’ve been divorced. So, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on what's been going on in the last two years.

I moved out of the house in July of 2011. I remember all the planning that I went through in order to move. I saved income tax return money (had to split it with her before spending anything) and bought what I though I would need to live on my own. I got a few things from the house--stuff that my parents gave us. I used many sources to find stuff for less. I stored a bunch of stuff in a rental unit before moving out. I asked several people to help me move. 2 people came 

I got moved into the townhouse with their help and had my kids that first night I moved. I was up until late putting together their beds. It was a rough weekend.

(Oct. 2011-Oct. 2012) That first year was like a blur. I continued to work full time. I spent time with my kids every other weekend and once per week on Mondays (so ex-wife could do piano lessons). I didn't have a lot of spending money that first year and had to find a lot of free or cheap things to do (go to thrift store and find games for game night, etc). I remember how hard it was that first year to spend time and reconnect and then have to say goodbye after the weekends. I remember trying so hard not to cry in front of my kids when I dropped them off after having time with them. 

That first Christmas sucked as I did not have my kids. Nor did I have anyone to be with--my family is 2000 miles away. That first Christmas was very depressing.

I hated not being able to get what I wanted for them. I hated not being able to replace my car--had 250,0000 miles on it. Air conditioning was broke. It was hot that summer and I had to make sure my kids had cold water to drink whenever I went to get them.

I had all sorts of things to get used to; grocery shopping, planning meals, cooking, sending kids to bed, breaking up fights between them, etc. I had several complaints from the neighbor who complained my kids were too loud at night. I kept thinking I was going to lose my townhouse. I finally blew up at her during the fall (same month divorce was final-Oct. 2011). I yelled at her and she never complained again.


(Oct 2012-Oct 2013) Year two got better. Finances got better. I paid off a debt I owed to my ex per judges orders. I paid off my oldest daughter's orthodontist bill. I was finally able to replace the aging car I was driving around. I did not tell my kids I was replacing the car. I just showed up with the 2003 car I got. That was cool. We were able to take a vacation. This time, we left the house. Went to our hometown, the beach, amusement park, saw my sister, and ate out a lot. I had my kids at my house for Christmas. I got my kids for some additional time when my mom came to visit from out of state. I was able to lose weight. My waist size dropped from 35-32. I ran the Tough Mudder and the Warrior Dash. I got off my anti-depressant!

I found a second job. If I earn what I think I will earn, I will be able to save enough to buy a house next summer.

I don't have my kids for Christmas or Thanksgiving this year. I can say that despite this, this year has been a lot better.

Thanks for letting me share.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

I am glad it got better for you! I hope it continues to get better and better. It is amazing the devastation and destruction divorce brings. Good luck to you and your kids Mrlonelyhearts.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You did it.  The worst is over! Although I never understand one parent having both of those major holidays. The year I get Christmas he gets Thanksgiving - the whole weekend.

Sounds like you are doing great. Maybe this year for Christmas you can afford to go back home or have more friends to hang with. I have an assortment of single friends and friends of friends who gather for a big brunch with gift exchange complete with mimosas. Helps those years I don't have her because the day still feels festive. 

Thanks for checking in with your story. Those who are suffering right now can see that it gets better.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Good for you Mrlonelyhearts! When you first started this journey did you ever think that you just couldn't do it? Isn't it incredible to find this strength that you didn't know you had?

Thanks for sharing. We need to hear that things do improve regardless of how low you get.


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## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

KNIFE IN THE HEART said:


> Good for you Mrlonelyhearts! When you first started this journey did you ever think that you just couldn't do it? Isn't it incredible to find this strength that you didn't know you had?
> 
> Thanks for sharing. We need to hear that things do improve regardless of how low you get.


I thought the pain would never end! I thought at any given moment, the wheels would all come off and I would end up in jail, homeless, or some other kind of disaster.

The strength to keep going did not come from me. I am a Christian, so I found a lot of strength asking God for help. I also found a lot of support from my group from church.

I am grateful that so many of you found hope from what I've been through. Thanks EnjoliWoman, 2galsmom, and KNIFE IN THE HEART for letting me know that.


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