# Needy vs vulnerable?



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

How do you differentiate between the two? Responses from both men and woman are welcomed.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Vulnerability is inherent. Everyone has a vulnerability. Showing that vulnerability springs from trust in your partner. It can be used against you, or your partner may act to strengthen you against that vulnerability.

Neediness is not necessarily inherent, and springs from insecurity. It sucks energy from a relationship.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Neediness is not necessarily inherent, and springs from insecurity. It sucks energy from a relationship.


Ain't that the truth


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Vulnerability is about giving. Being vulnerable is all about giving of yourself, opening yourself up, exposing yourself; it is the highest form of sharing. Being vulnerable requires a good deal of strength. Vulnerability opens up a relationship, facilitates two-way, balanced communion; it is foundational and enhances sustainability in a relationship.

Neediness is about taking. Being needy is all about expecting others to provide for your needs/wants/desires, to cover for your insecurities, to compensate for your weaknesses. Being needy demonstrates a significant lack of strength. Being needy only facilitates a one-way flow of emotion and energy; it erodes foundations and is not sustainable in a healthy relationship.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I understand the term "needy" where someone constantly needs things done for them, and its a bad thing. 

I don't really understand vulnerable and I'm not sure everyone means the same thing when they use that word.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

uhtred said:


> I understand the term "needy" where someone constantly needs things done for them, and its a bad thing.
> 
> I don't really understand vulnerable and I'm not sure everyone means the same thing when they use that word.


An example of vulnerability would be trusting a fear or potentially embarrassing bit of information to someone--basically anything that gives them some form of potential power over you, vs neediness would be expecting them to do something about it.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

In a TAM context, I'd say a needy person is an "incomplete" person whose needs aren't totally met but who doesn't try to meet them in a healthy way with a job, hobbies, an array of friends -- instead leeching onto someone as a way of life.

A vulnerable person could have the same amount of needs but perhaps was put there suddenly by a wayward spouse, divorce, etc. It's more of a temporary situation where they're left raw but with time, they'll become complete again.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> How do you differentiate between the two? Responses from both men and woman are welcomed.


Vulnerability is about the willingness to open yourself to others first regardless of if you will be hurt by it. (e.g. I'll go meet the new neighbors and welcome them to the neighborhood.)

Neediness is about manipulating others to be vulnerable on your behalf. (e.g. I want to go meet the new neighbors, but I will ask my partner to go meet them first and tell me if they are nice people or not.)


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Vulnerable = being open, honest, transparent

Needy = clingy, demanding


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