# Facebook Ruined My Night



## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

Actually, now that I consider it more clearly, the STBXH ruined my night. Facebook was just the vehicle.

I'm separated, working on trying to get away from what was a very unhealthy relationship. While I've never made any promises to work on our relationship till I felt quite secure and whole myself first, I never indicated future reconciliation was impossble. This was my first mistake. Because my definition of future and his are so very very different. And since it wasn't like 6 weeks later, my remarks were considered controlling.

I'm very much learning that there are only two ways a couple can separate especially after 15 years, badly and very badly. Right now, I'm feeling on the very badly spectrum of things.

Within a week of moving out, I had to unfriend him on facebook. This really upset him, but I explained why and I felt justified in my reasons. He was being snarky and immature about the breakup. I know he needed a place to vent. I didn't need to see those vents. It was, ultimately healthier for us as a couple if he had a place to blow off his frustration.

Couple that with this sudden 'flirtation' he developed with a very young girl, started while I was living with him after we started to separate. When I told him it upset me then, he was like I like to flirt, I've not done it for 15 years because of you so I'm going to start now. It was hard to witness and hear that, and still get the constant daily emails about how he wanted to fix us.

Fast forward to tonight. I'm on the phone with him when he called to talk to the kids and he mentions he pissed off a common 'friend' we had on facebook. Not a close friend to me, but it has me wondering all the same. I get a similar private message from her, apologizing for pissing him off. I'm intriged. I'm an idiot.

I follow her status link and BANG I'm on my husband's wall, seeing his updates and all the comments. Here's an edited version:
_STBXH Just got *****ed out by my wife for taking my kids for a ride on my motorcycle...oooo 1/4 mile topping out at an amazing 25mph on a private dirt road...Ive seen carny rides more dangerous than this. some people LOOK for things to have angst over...sigh
****ty Facebook Friend: Mail her a vibrator and tell her to go for a ride.......
STBXH: LMAO! Good one.
****ty Facebook Friend: But she might need safety equipment and training, I would say more but my thoughts were vulgar
STBXH: Hehehehehe..Dirty girl...
STBXH: Private message me! 
Faithful Frend of Mine: Without joint agreement on something like this I'd be put out too. 
Another Faithful Friend of MIne: Have you ever thought that the lack of respect for her feelings could have anything to do with living in separate houses? Just a thought.
****ty Facebook Friend: He is their dad, if he takes them swimming does he need permission for that too? I mean they could drown?
****ty Facebook Friend: Lol you should ride with me when I follow morons
****ty Facebook Friend: Musta been your wife I was following
STBXHL Your a bad girl..I like bad girls...​_
At this point, I'm shaking like a leaf. Not to mention 1. I didn't ***** at him. I called and politely asked him if he had his license yet and he said no. So I asked him to wait until he did before he took the kids out again. And it wasn't until LATER that I found out all this took place WITHOUT helmets. 

But that's neither here nor there. What does have me facepalming is I messaged ****ty Facebook Friend and asked her to stop bashing a complete stranger, and told her that STNXH and I have things we need to work out private and together and her public comments for all our shared friends and family are not helping. That was a total waste of my time, I'm thinking.

And it just gets worse from there. Now I'm realizing that I can see STBXH entire WALL. And since I've unfriended him, he's quite happy to post our marital issues ALL over for everyone to see, "Look at me! Look at me."

He keeps claiming he has a 'few' things he wants to return to me, Some things I forgot. He's been baiting me for weeks about how gentle he's being iwth my things and how he's treating them with honor and nobility and kindness and when HE"S READY he'll return them.

What that really means is he's gone through the house and picked out everything of 'ours' not necessarily 'mine' that he either doesn't want, or should have recycled/tossed/stopped hording years ago and packed it into dozens of boxes, which he intends to bring to my new house and leave for me to deal with. And again, my judgement lacking I sent him a private message:

_This isn't a noble gesture, this is you're F-U overture. Anything I left behind that you don't want, you're going to dump on my lawn. Fine, I'll pay the disposal fees. But know this. I'm so very very glad that we're getting divorced after this. You're so spiteful. You're so mean. You're love is toxic..._

I keep thinking that even though I needed to get away from him to become a healthier and happier person, there was a future for us where we were healthy people together. 

I felt guilt and obligation and duty to the man I was married to for 15 years. I was optimistic with counseling that someday we might eventually circle back to each other.

But I'm realizing. He's just unable to be mature. In his hurt, he's causing so much more damage than I could have ever done with a simple, I need some time apart. 

If we didn't have children, this would be so much easier. But we do have children, and so we have to be civil with each other. But right now, I just really really really want to punch him for being such a cold hearted ass.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

He wants attention....and he wants your attention. I would not feed into anymore of their lil games.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

SA, facebook just ruined my night too, stbx added her main new squeeze on there and he looks awesome, I wish I was dating him 

anyways, I'm hoping he realizes he's too good for her, or else he turns out to be a phony and big player who has no committment for my stbxw. They are getting serious by the sounds of it but I don't think either of them have faced the reality that their romance was borne out of her infidelity with me.


Argh. Gah.

Anyways it was good motivation to push through my workout, my muscles are fatigued, can barely type.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

OH man you have to get rid of this FB stuff! How would he react if he knew you were looking? Would he fix the problem for you and make his profile more private or does he like the fact you're reading it?

I'm glad you already know that note wasn't your best move. It's really hard to contain that urge, trust me I know all too well.

and blah, let that stupid girl have him. She can learn her lesson down the line, long after you've moved on with your life.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

SA, that s***ty FB friend sounds infantile and full of disease. Blech. Gross! 

Your stbxh is being very immature and looking for whatever attention he can get. Im seriously hoping your kids don't have FB! 

This is one of the reasons why I never signed up for FB and never will.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Well let's not go crazy cd-I LOVE facebook! I just make sure I don't put anything on there that I don't want my kid to see-or my boss or my parents, etc.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

My stbx started posting things on facebook long before I left, actually. He also took it upon himself to carry on to EVERYONE we both associated/worked with about what a horrible person I am often resulting in me walking in to a questioning at work about why i was so awful to him.

All the way through this I have forced myself to "Take the high road" not feed into it etc (not that i didn't slip up and rip into him a time or two) My friends kept telling me to get back at him, stop letting him get away with it etc.

Fast forward to now, and all that childish behavior from him and the lack of the same from me, HE looks like an idiot. All of those coworkers he tried to turn against me, not so much. the only people who believe him are his family, and his lesser intelligent friends.

Keep your head up, and do not feed into the games. He just wants to hurt you. stbx spent so much time telling me how much he wanted to fix it, how much he loves me, and in the same instance was telling everyone else how he was just using me and bragging about not wanting anything to do with me, his family hating me, and seeing other girls.

Its a game, the only way to win, is to not play. and screw facebook, now I just look at it and laugh


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

SC, haha sorry not bashing FB it's just not for me. 

CLucas: you win!


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

facebook can be a problem with people that want to escape and not deal with important issues such as getting the marriage back on tract. Too much work.

I do not have a FB account but when I did look at stbxh I was blocked "not being a friend". He has iced me out since this thing blew up. Although, we live in the same house, til it sells, he has managed to cut me right out from the beginning. I have no idea what is going on in that pointy little head. I just know he is in complete denial of his feelings because he can't hide the look in his eyes.

What a waste! Someone that can't admit they're confused because their heart is saying one thing and their brain is saying another.


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## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

I got a lot of support from my real friends regarding the ****ty *****'s behavior that night. My favorite was that misery loves company and how miserable she must be to want to inflict it on complete strangers.

I didn't sleep well that night and took yesterday off. STBXH and I communicated via email most of the day (Yes, I broke down and took the filter off )

He was very apologetic abuot his behavior. He deleted the post and all the comments and posted an apology. 

It was a very confusing and emotional day, but I'll have to update later as I'm at work now.


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## Need2bme (Jul 2, 2011)

OMG Facebook is the devil when it comes to venting. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that bs. I too have a 'spouse' that uses the facebook venue to exploit all his mental distortions. When he was having his affair all of his posts were about how confused he was having been married to me for 17 yrs at the time but been brought back to life by his co-worker he'd been banging in the office or the base hotel next to their office. Anyways I blocked him & it's much easier on my heart mnid not having to see his outbursts...you should consider doing the same...hugs!!!!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I can't believe some of the garbage that people post on FB. Seriously, that is not the place for it.

While this person may have commented on the BS he wrote, I am sure there are many people who looked at it and shook their head in disgust. B*tching on FB about serious private matters is really childish IMO.

I haven't said ONE word about my separation on FB. It is nobody's business.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I realized again the other day that before I unfriended her and blocked her that early on in her affairs she got rid of most of my photos from her FB - she even had an album about "the years have flown by" that was all of our relationship and family, she kept the album just deleted all the ones of me... from my own album for pity's sake. Actually she didn't get rid of ALL the photos of me, she just so happened to have kept every BAD photo of me, ones where I don't look good, am doing something stupid or just look unhappy, maybe its to verify to her new men how unfortunate she was to be stuck with such a horrible person as me?? I gotta just stop thinking.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

DelinquentGurl said:


> I haven't said ONE word about my separation on FB. It is nobody's business.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me neither, and I typically broadcast my life on Facebook. My friends know what I'm dealing with. No need to gripe about every stupid thing stbx did or said. Anyone close to me has probably heard it anyway. Peripheral friends don't need to know.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Lon said:


> I realized again the other day that before I unfriended her and blocked her that early on in her affairs she got rid of most of my photos from her FB - she even had an album about "the years have flown by" that was all of our relationship and family, she kept the album just deleted all the ones of me... from my own album for pity's sake. Actually she didn't get rid of ALL the photos of me, she just so happened to have kept every BAD photo of me, ones where I don't look good, am doing something stupid or just look unhappy, maybe its to verify to her new men how unfortunate she was to be stuck with such a horrible person as me?? I gotta just stop thinking.


ouch. you know you're not horrible though.

This is just something I wouldn't be able to handle. Even years down the road if FB is still up and running I still wouldn't want to sign up because I'd probably get on there and "friend" somebody who has pictures of my stbx or something and I'd just lose it after trying to move on with my life. 
I dunno.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Oh lord I would never stop laughing if one of my friends had pictures of stbx on facebook. It's a long, boring explanation so I will spare you all, but I am still laughing.


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