# Finally giving up, I am sorry



## Alone again (3 mo ago)

I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Welcome to TAM, Strega - I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I think you firmly realize that you need to leave him and that he's not going to change, but as you mention, you're afraid. Please don't let fear keep you in a toxic relationship. Stay strong and know that you can do this. 🙏


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

You will be much happier alone, in time. You and I are contemporaries. I have been alone for a long time. My life is good, peaceful, has meaning. Nothing is worse than staying with a liar. Hopefully, you have a support system.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

10 years with a man who has cheated and wants his freedom? You have reason for hurt as I have no doubt you gave and were forgiving. Please understand this is not about you, cheaters live in a deceptive reality. Rarely do these types change, nor do they take responsibility for their own actions. A person who cheats has one foot in the door and one foot out the door and that is no way to live, especially for yourself. 

You are not alone! I turn 60, next month and just recently went through a breakup myself with a man who admitted to seeing other women himself. We have to go through a grieving time and that can be a wave of emotions. Don't fight your feelings, let yourself cry or be angry. If you have not done so, gather your support system around you. Find projects to help your focus....seeing the end result of your accomplishments will help boost your spirits. Check out the social groups available online and in your community.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Are you breaking up with him … or do you have in mind something else?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Being with an uncommitted partner for ten years while said partner continually cheats is an abusive relationship. Nobody deserves to be treated in that manner, and despite your age, I urge you to terminate this relationship.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Strega5515 said:


> I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone.


Sometimes when people say things like this, they are considering suicide. I hope that's not you. If it is, please talk to someone or call a helpline. I am the same age as you. It is still possible to be happy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


Be encouraged. You shouldn't allow yourself to be treated this way. It is abuse.

If I was 20 years older, I would give him an attitude "adjustment".😉


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Strega5515 said:


> Laurentium said:
> 
> 
> > Sometimes when people say things like this, they are considering suicide. I hope that's not you. If it is, please talk to someone or call a helpline. I am the same age as you. It is still possible to be happy.
> ...


I'm just waking up and missed this @Strega5515 .

Would you be willing to talk more with us?

I'll share a very unflattering morning hair picture if you do.😋


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Laurentium said:


> Sometimes when people say things like this, they are considering suicide. I hope that's not you. If it is, please talk to someone or call a helpline. I am the same age as you. It is still possible to be happy.


Sadly, that's how I read it as well.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Relationship betrayal is horrible.

Please don't cause harm to yourself.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


Some relationships are just not worth it. I hope you go on to make a nice life for yourself.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@EleGirl 
Can you post the suicide hotline number
OP no one is worth taking your own life over.
Move on from this cheating man and you will find your outlook is much brighter.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Strega first let me say I'm so glad you found this site.

That said, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It sucks when someone you love is the one making you hurt. 

You said that this guy has cheated on you. Multiple times. Strega, I know you're hurting, but listen to me, is it really worth ending your life over this worthless man?? 

You want the pain to go away? How about just getting rid of the source of your pain. Which is this man!!

Who says you have to be alone? There's so many things you can do to be around other people. 

Why don't you at least give yourself the opportunity to see what your life would look like getting rid of this guy and putting an end to the pain that he brings to your life?

Trust me things will get better with him out of your life. 

Do you have any family or good friends that you can talk to about this? That you're considering ending your life. 

I know you said that you don't like to be alone, but why does it have to be about having a man in your life? I bet you could make a long list of things that you enjoy doing? Places you like to go? Restaurants you enjoy? Music you enjoy? So many things to do and to experience that would make you happy. Or get out there and start doing new things. Why not put yourself first? Make your life about you and not being dependent on anyone else to make you happy.

Strega I'm sure there are numerous people on here who have been where you are right now. Feeling so down that they wanted to end their life. What they did to start feeling better about themselves. The steps they took to start feeling better.

Maybe what you need is a plan to separate yourself from this man. Specific things you can do. Numerous people on here have found themselves in infidelity and the pain and hurt that it brings. There's peace and joy out there.

You lost your husband. Did you ever think after that happened that you would find yourself in another relationship? Well you were. Unfortunately it didn't work out the way you thought it would but that doesn't mean that every relationship will be this way.

Take it one day at a time. 
Have the faith that things can and WILL get better. You just need to make some changes in your life that will start to make you happy. More importantly remove this man from your life and I promise you you'll start to move in the right direction.

Don't be a stranger here but please reach out and get help. You don't have to go through this alone strega.

God bless my friend and I will be praying for you.


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## sleeping_sandman (2 mo ago)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


Whoa, hold your horses, Girl!








Home







988lifeline.org




And now listen to me: Nobody is worth to throw your life away for. 
Do you have children? If yes, go to them. If not check out your local surroundings for meetings and such. There are people to help you.
You are 67 years old. With a good run you might have 20 years on your clock left. 
I don't know how it looks healthwise and moneywise. 
I only know that I have not seen my mother for the last year straight. Not that I didn't want to, but going to Egypt, err Israel, err Turkey, no Greece by now for the coming Winter is not feasable. 
She lives her best live.
She was griefstruck when my father passed away some years ago, but he told her to use his pension for her own good. And that is what she does. HEr grandkids have more Postcards from all around the globe than space at their closet doors. 

This man shows you no respect. And to be honest - how infidel can a man of age be? And for the charade. Blow it up in his face. His peers will shun him for it. 
And then move on. Suicide is no option. 
Then he wins. 
And, madam, you don't want a prick like him to win, do you? 
And the pain will go away, too if he goes.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Rubix Cubed said:


> @EleGirl
> Can you post the suicide hotline number
> OP no one is worth taking your own life over.
> Move on from this cheating man and you will find your outlook is much brighter.


I could have sworn the new suicide hotline number in the US is *988*

ETA the actual correct number. And someone posted in a link above. Sorry.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Works said:


> Sadly, that's how I read it as well.


I read it that she was going to finally end the relationship for good.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I read it that she was going to finally end the relationship for good.


I hope that's right


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


I am a 73 year old man. When my wife and I were working on reconciling our sex starved marriage, the Sex Therapist counseling us recommended an interesting book to my wife. It is called Still Sexy After All These Years.

It is a collection of interviews with a number of older women across the USA. These are women who don't have a traditional husband sex partner. Some are widowed, some are divorced, some have been abandoned or abandoned their man, some have husbands that are no longer capable of sexual intimacy, some are actively dating men or women. What the book is about is how these women have dealt with hardship and found meaning, sensuality and/or sexuality to their lives.

You might find some of the stories about what other women have done and focused on to be inspiring. I hope you do and you find hope and joy.

You have a lot of good years ahead of you, it you can embrace life and accept change.

Good luck, and God bless you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Strega5515 

You are in crisis and need to act quickly. It's not all that unusual for someone going through what you are going through to have thoughts of suicide.

The good thing is that there is something you can do about this.

Please see your doctor. They can prescribe antidepressants that can help you work through this depression and anxiety. They help to clear away the fog of depression so you can work on solving your issues. They do not numb you, they will help you cope and heal.

Also, here are some resources for you. They can be another outlet for you to talk through your pain and thoughts of suicide.

Here is a link and phone number to a suicide prevention lifeline and their phone number.

*Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK*

Please call them and talk to them.

You can post here too of course.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Works said:


> Sadly, that's how I read it as well.


Me too 

OP I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Please keep reaching out to us, we have a wonderful community here and will be there for you. Also reach out to your local community or friends/family. No one is worth hurting yourself over.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


Please come back and tell us what you meant by this. I think you meant that you were going to end the relationship and if that is the case good for you. 
The pain will stop when you are away from this guy. I hope you have some family and friends who can support you and life will be good again once you are away from the abuse and lies and cheating. Never stay with anyone out of fear of being alone.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I think she meant she was going to end the relationship for good.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> I think she meant she was going to end the relationship for good.


Yes. I read it several times and that's what I got from it. Well done to her if she is leaving him.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Strega5515 said:


> I am a 67-year-old widow. I have had one relationship since my husband's passing and it has lasted for 10 years, society believes we are married. There has been infidelity on his part on multiple occasions but I keep taking him back. The man is 74 years old! I do not want to be alone. He does not want me anymore, well he wants to continue the charade of marriage while living his own single life. I am at the end of my rope with ups and downs and I cannot handle this pain anymore. I am making steps to end it for good and I just need to tell someone. I am relieved, scared, and so ready for the pain to stop.


You said, there has been infidelity on your partner`s part on multiple occasions.
He is 74 years old, out of curiosity, how old are these women he`s been sleeping with? At 74 years old can he still manage to raise it? 
If they are young could they had been women of ill repute? 
If this were me and I`m in my late 60s, I`d rather be alone than with a person who has no respect for me.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

@Strega5515 

How are you doing?


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

gameopoly5 said:


> You said, there has been infidelity on your partner`s part on multiple occasions.
> He is 74 years old, out of curiosity, how old are these women he`s been sleeping with? At 74 years old can he still manage to raise it?
> If they are young could they had been women of ill repute?
> If this were me and I`m in my late 60s, I`d rather be alone than with a person who has no respect for me.


I have a coworker whose 80 yo FIL brags about sleeping with young women. He is giving them a lot of money, so that’s how he’s doing it.

If it were me, I’d tell him that if he wants an open relationship where they act like they are married, that’s fine. I’d date other guy(s) on the side and maintain the charade of a marriage. If he doesn’t like it being a 2 way street, then he can leave.


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