# Emotional Infidelity



## Munesh (Sep 10, 2015)

Hello,

We have been married for over 20 years and our married life has been okay with the usual ups and downs that exist in any marriage. We have 3 kids. Our biggest issue has been the mistrust/insecurity that my wife has towards me with other women even though I have never cheated on her. She falsely accuses/assumes I have affairs with women, whether with lady colleagues at work, ladies in her family, ladies at Church, etc. If some lady greets me, she gets suspicious. I understand these are signs of jealousy spouse syndrome. However, the reason for my writing is that for the last 5 years, she has been pretty secretive and possessive with her cell phone and usually shops for a couple of hours 4-5 times a week before coming home. Three weeks ago, with a change in cell phone provider, I had access to her cell phone records and noticed over 110 text messages over 2 days between her and a guy that we both had met some 3 years ago at a Church but we hardly knew him. He was trying to make a conversation with her when I walked back into the room at a Church. There was also a 15 minute phone call I discovered three weeks ago. I only had access to her cell phone for a week as she switched back to her old phone provider after a week. Interestingly, her jealous/mistrust behavior has decreased the last few months.

While not being 100% sure, I am pretty sure that they don’t meet in person but converse over cell phone texts and calls. I understand this is labeled as emotional infidelity or affair. I have some ideas of my own but want to get your input as to how I should approach her, what to say, etc. I definitely want this behavior to stop if we continue to stay married. How would I know or trust if it stopped or not going forward after I talk to her? I am thinking of asking her to share her access to her cell phone with me. How about if she refuses to? She has been possessive of her cell phone the last few years and has kept her separate phone account. What options do I have? Thank you for your advice.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Maybe put a VAR in her car. You are smart not to confront her. Don't let on that your suspicious, and play it cool for now.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Munesh said:


> Hello,
> 
> the last 5 years, she has been pretty secretive and possessive with her cell phone and usually shops for a couple of hours 4-5 times a week before coming home. *
> 
> ...


*
Read and action what people will shortly tell you to do.....above all say nothing and act as if theres nothing wrong*


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I would save anything you got off her old phone and hide it for when the times comes to talk to her.


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## ODAT (Sep 5, 2015)

Munesh said:


> Hello,
> 
> We have been married for over 20 years and our married life has been okay with the usual ups and downs that exist in any marriage. We have 3 kids. Our biggest issue has been the mistrust/insecurity that my wife has towards me with other women even though I have never cheated on her. She falsely accuses/assumes I have affairs with women, whether with lady colleagues at work, ladies in her family, ladies at Church, etc. If some lady greets me, she gets suspicious. I understand these are signs of jealousy spouse syndrome. However, the reason for my writing is that for the last 5 years, she has been pretty secretive and possessive with her cell phone and usually shops for a couple of hours 4-5 times a week before coming home. Three weeks ago, with a change in cell phone provider, I had access to her cell phone records and noticed over 110 text messages over 2 days between her and a guy that we both had met some 3 years ago at a Church but we hardly knew him. He was trying to make a conversation with her when I walked back into the room at a Church. There was also a 15 minute phone call I discovered three weeks ago. I only had access to her cell phone for a week as she switched back to her old phone provider after a week. Interestingly, her jealous/mistrust behavior has decreased the last few months.
> 
> While not being 100% sure, I am pretty sure that they don’t meet in person but converse over cell phone texts and calls. I understand this is labeled as emotional infidelity or affair. I have some ideas of my own but want to get your input as to how I should approach her, what to say, etc. I definitely want this behavior to stop if we continue to stay married. How would I know or trust if it stopped or not going forward after I talk to her? I am thinking of asking her to share her access to her cell phone with me. How about if she refuses to? She has been possessive of her cell phone the last few years and has kept her separate phone account. What options do I have? Thank you for your advice.


Take if from me, you need more evidence than you have to get a confession. I was in the same boat with similar lack of a smoking gun and confronted my wife and all it did was drive it underground. Be smart and don't change who you are all of a sudden or she will notice. Install a sms tracker on her phone before you give it back to her. Be creative but don't tip your hand until you have enough that she can't lie her way out of. Even when she does "confess" don't believe any of it.  It's very hard to do and took me 3 months before I realized my wife is no different from a crack head who would sell there soul for another dose. Get your evidence and ducks in a row before you try to take the crack pipe away.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

It's too early to assume this is an EA only. The longer they've been communicating, the greater the chance for a PA. As other posters have suggested, you need to play it cool for now and start covert surveillance. 

Just as today's electronic communications make it easier for a cheater to cheat; it also makes it easier for them to be caught. There are a couple of experts on cell phones and VAR's on this board that can help you. But here's some of your options:

-Look through and continue to track her cell phone records.
-Hide a VAR and/or GPS in her car.
-Put spyware on her cell phone.
-If she uses her home computer a lot, install a key logger on it. Also track her browsing history.
-Try to get to her cell phone when she is in the shower or late at night. Even if she erases texts, deleted text messages can most often be recovered.

Just a few of the things that you can do.

You have every reason to be suspicious.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Munish,

Do not let on what you are doing or know to anyone! If they find out you know, the OM and your WW will come up with a story to make you look like the bad guy or the crazy jealous guy. Do not let them go into damage control mode first. Gather your evidence and put it in a safe place.

One symptom of an affair is that the wayward spouse starts to think the innocent spouse is cheating.

Did your sex life slow down or come to a stop? This is another indicator of an affair.

Does your W dress sexy or nicely when going out "shopping".

I think there is a category of OM who use churches as hunting grounds, since the women they find there are even more likely to be discrete and their guilt will keep them silent. Both churches my W and I went to had men who displayed inappropriate behavior towards my W.

Find out everything you can about the OM is he married or separated does he have a girl friend, family, work and facebook/linkedin contacts. When you kill this with exposure you want it to be complete, quick and devastating. 

Tamat


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What you describe is a common theme here. Prepare yourself for this to be a lot worse than your thinking. Much,much worse. 

Get the Sony voice activated recorder that costs about sixty dollars. Two is great. One for your house and one for under the seat of her car with heavy duty Velcro holding it in place.

Set the one up in your house on a day you can leave then tell her you're going to be gone several hours.

GPS will tell you where she is going. Find my phone is another option but you have to know how to turn it on with out her getting a message from her provider.

Has your sex life changed? Has she changed her grooming habits like shaving, more make up, sexier clothing? They often start wearing sexy underwear that you never see. Check her underwear drawer for items you've never seen.

The shopping trips are a common excuse here too. 

Its unbelievable how many wayward spouses accuse their spouse of cheating.

If you can afford a PI it will save a lot of time.

Children?

SAY NOTHING ABOUT YOUR SUSPIION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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