# 4 year anniversary of my wife affair is Saturday



## johnrod (Apr 26, 2017)

Does the feeling of wanting to hurt the other pile of trailer trash ever go away? He lives halfway across the country and I get these urges to get in the car and drive there, find him, and beat him to a pulp and maybe castrate him so he can't do this to anyone else. Affairs and destroying relationships is how this guy gets off. My own investigation of him has show him doing this to other women before my wife and at least 3 after. I have spoiled 1 of them for him and brought light too late on another. I have a fake facebook account and am able to see his recently added friends and since his MO is pretty much married/attached women who are overweight and have children. He starts by manipulating the women into believing that their relationship is hopeless and makes them feel sorry for him by constantly telling them how bad his life has been. Once he gets into their pants he will get them to leave their husband/boyfriend and then step into his role. Then when the woman and kids fall in love with him, he leaves and moves on to his next target. He gets off on this because that is what his dad did to him as a kid. I got lucky and got close enough to catching him with y wife that he got scared and moved on and my wife confessed. 
But when do the movies and the hurt and anger go away? I hate living like this. And my wife and I are R'd and as paranoid about her cheating again as I am, she has not gone near another guy outside of work related conversations. She has for the most part followed all of my rules for R too. I almost feel like I want to cheat on her but know that two wrongs don't make a right.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Maybe dumping the FB account and scrubbing the OM from you life will help you move on. For me, doing what you are doing is simply opening an old wound and allowing it to fester. Let yourself heal. Scrub the douche bag from you life. Dump the FB account.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

johnrod said:


> He starts by manipulating the women into believing that their relationship is hopeless and makes them feel sorry for him by constantly telling them how bad his life has been. Once he gets into their pants he will get them to leave their husband/boyfriend and then step into his role.


Wait.

_What?_

What the hell would some internet Lothario *want *with someone _else's_ fat wife whose stupid enough to fall for the lies of a douche bag she met online because she has ZERO self esteem? And why in HELL would he want to deal with some other's guy's kids that she drags along WITH her to this supposed happily ever after?

What would ANY guy *gain* from sticking himself with a fat married woman and her kids? I don't care if he was raised like that or not. That 'logic' doesn't make sense.

I think you're* clearly *misdirecting your anger at your wife's ex internet boyfriend rather than where it belongs - on HER shoulders.

You've managed to paint your wife as some kind of innocent 'victim' who was led by the nose - unknowingly - by some professional con man and she had NO control over what happened.

I think you'd better repaint *that *fairy tale picture you've created.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Wait.
> 
> _What?_
> 
> What the hell would some internet Lothario *want *with someone _else's_ fat wife whose stupid enough to fall for the lies of a douche bag she met online because she has ZERO self esteem? And why in HELL would he want to deal with some other's guy's kids that she drags along WITH her to this supposed happily ever after?


I know of one that does exactly that. He targets women who have low self-esteem. Beds them and has kids. He has 5 kids with three different women. These women all have the same in common. 

Some people do the strangest damn things. Once on Craig's list in my area a woman posted for screwing a pregnant woman inquire within. The men were beating down her door. Needless to say she was picked up by the cops.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's a well known scientific as well as a physiological fact that when people drawers summarily fall to the floor, that they don't usually need just a whole lot of help in letting gravity take over with the free fall!

Translation: Your W apparently had no real trouble in removing her "Fruit of the Looms," all for Lotharios benefit! Let's place the blame where blame is certainly due!

Lothario may well have primed the pump, but his "love interest" did absolutely nothing to keep it from coming to fruition!

 Nes't ce-pas? *


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## johnrod (Apr 26, 2017)

Some of you guys really need to re read my post.

#1 I am looking for help in getting over the hurt and anger that I still have 4 years later.

#2 This piece of crap gets off on hurting these women and kids. He DOES NOT want anything to do with the fat women or their kids but enjoys breaking up their relationships and getting sex. Then he moves into the daddy role and then leaving so he can hurt the kids too. He is a predator who needs to be stopped. 

#3 I never said that my wife wasn't to blame. I keep VERY close tabs on her and if I smell even the hint of another affair, she'll be gone.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

johnrod,

I think you'll find that most infidelity forums are pretty anti-retaliation against OM. It seems revenge is no longer PC nowadays.

I'm a big proponent of following your gut ... that little voice inside your head or that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach are huge clues and you'll know you've done the right thing (FOR YOU) when that voice quietens and your stomach eases. Be true to yourself and as long as you can look in the mirror and not want to cut your own throat while shaving, you've likely made the right choice.

Good Luck to you in whatever you choose to do to help yourself heal.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

It's very individual when the hurt and anger goes away. It was a relatively quick process for me because I divorced my wife, so I didn't have a constant reminder of her infidelity living in my home. I also saw a counselor and he helped with figuring out the underling reasons for my feelings which also sped up the healing process. My guess is there is something more that is triggering you that you aren't mindfully aware of yet. Figuring out what it is will help with addressing it. Maybe it could be that your kids are still hurting and it is still triggering you? Or you think your wife hasn't done something you want/need to get fully past it? I'm just guessing here, but are any of those in the right direction?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I understand hating the POSOM. I've been in R over 5 years and I hate that SOB as much as I did on Dday. But after a couple of years or so, I stopped obsessing about him because I realized that exposing him was all I could do. I also realized it wasn't helping me or my marriage.

Life is what it is. There are lots of POS's out there and he's just one of them. Get past it. Focus on your marriage. Be glad your wife is still demonstrating remorse after all this time in R. Many of them don't.

As for as trusting your wife, eventually if you stay in R long enough you'll need to stop obsessing about that also. I'm out of town 4 days a week and my wife is by herself during that time. The POSOM and his wife lives only 5 miles away from my home. But I've resigned myself to this way of thinking - if my wife is going to cheat again, she's just going to cheat. I don't think she will, but I always have to be open to that possibility. I'm confident I'll catch her if she does. It's not as much that I trust her, as it is being weary of worrying about trusting her.

Given time, you may reach that point also.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

johnrod said:


> Does the feeling of wanting to hurt the other pile of trailer trash ever go away? He lives halfway across the country and I get these urges to get in the car and drive there, find him, and beat him to a pulp and maybe castrate him so he can't do this to anyone else. Affairs and destroying relationships is how this guy gets off. My own investigation of him has show him doing this to other women before my wife and at least 3 after. I have spoiled 1 of them for him and brought light too late on another. I have a fake facebook account and am able to see his recently added friends and since his MO is pretty much married/attached women who are overweight and have children. He starts by manipulating the women into believing that their relationship is hopeless and makes them feel sorry for him by constantly telling them how bad his life has been. Once he gets into their pants he will get them to leave their husband/boyfriend and then step into his role. Then when the woman and kids fall in love with him, he leaves and moves on to his next target. He gets off on this because that is what his dad did to him as a kid. I got lucky and got close enough to catching him with y wife that he got scared and moved on and my wife confessed.
> But when do the movies and the hurt and anger go away? I hate living like this. And my wife and I are R'd and as paranoid about her cheating again as I am, she has not gone near another guy outside of work related conversations. She has for the most part followed all of my rules for R too. I almost feel like I want to cheat on her but know that two wrongs don't make a right.


I can understand where you are coming and most people can agree that he deserves everything you are proposing and more but at some point you have to forget he exists and stop letting him affect you even though that is going to be extremely hard, he is nothing but a sad POS don't allow him anymore time in your life. 

People like him always get what is coming to them eventually they are worthless scum who aren't worth anything to anyone.

Regarding cheating back if you don't want to be with your W then go ahead but if you do want to remain M probably best to focus on IC and see if you can learn to forgive and accept what happened and move past it.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

MyRevelation said:


> johnrod,
> 
> I think you'll find that most infidelity forums are pretty anti-retaliation against OM. It seems revenge is no longer PC nowadays.


If you've got any sense at all you won't retaliate in any physical form against some guy your wife wantingly and willingly laid down with. If she doesn't have the loyalty and respect for you to keep a wolf at bay, whose fault is that. Like I said in another thread, another name for a guy who goes after and beats up the OM is "the defendant." I don't know about the anger but time in jail and maybe paying the OM damages will most likely bring an end to the movies and the hurt.
Rather than obsessing on this cat, do yourself a big favor and start questioning why the women who is suppose to love, cherish, and reject all others was so open to being talked into anything detrimental to the marriage. Ask yourself if she meets the standard for the remaining two. (i.e. love and cherish)


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

Imagine if your spouse cheated with an in law. Interesting family reunion wouldn't you say? You have to forgive him and give him over to karma because the universe has a way of dealing with such people. Focus on your family. In case you're wondering my DH cheated with my sister in law. Both my brother and I forgave them but it's a bitter pill to swallow. Family gathering always don't include one of them. Thank God I haven't laid eyes on her for 5 years since D day.

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

johnrod said:


> Does the feeling of wanting to hurt the other pile of trailer trash ever go away? He lives halfway across the country and I get these urges to get in the car and drive there, find him, and beat him to a pulp and maybe castrate him so he can't do this to anyone else. Affairs and destroying relationships is how this guy gets off. My own investigation of him has show him doing this to other women before my wife and at least 3 after. I have spoiled 1 of them for him and brought light too late on another. I have a fake facebook account and am able to see his recently added friends and since his MO is pretty much married/attached women who are overweight and have children. He starts by manipulating the women into believing that their relationship is hopeless and makes them feel sorry for him by constantly telling them how bad his life has been. Once he gets into their pants he will get them to leave their husband/boyfriend and then step into his role. Then when the woman and kids fall in love with him, he leaves and moves on to his next target. He gets off on this because that is what his dad did to him as a kid. I got lucky and got close enough to catching him with y wife that he got scared and moved on and my wife confessed.
> But when do the movies and the hurt and anger go away? I hate living like this. And my wife and I are R'd and as paranoid about her cheating again as I am, she has not gone near another guy outside of work related conversations. She has for the most part followed all of my rules for R too. I almost feel like I want to cheat on her but know that two wrongs don't make a right.


If you are still regularly having mind movies after four years, something is still wrong. I suggest having a personal ceremony in which you officially stop checking out the fake Facebook account. Being able to look at his profile everyday is not good for you.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Maybe dumping the FB account and scrubbing the OM from you life will help you move on. For me, doing what you are doing is simply opening an old wound and allowing it to fester. Let yourself heal. Scrub the douche bag from you life. Dump the FB account.


John,

I will offer up the same advise again. Stop looking to do the OM harm physically, mentally and socially. Continued vengeance and being the protector of all females of the world from this guy does not one bit of good for you and moving on. 

Eradicate OM from FB and other avenues you have to get back at him.

Further, you have pin pointed the OM as the only reason your W did what she did. Your W was a willing participant. This is what others are pointing out to you. Spend your energies on your W and family instead of OM.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

badmemory said:


> As for as trusting your wife, eventually if you stay in R long enough you'll need to stop obsessing about that also. I'm out of town 4 days a week and my wife is by herself during that time. The POSOM and his wife lives only 5 miles away from my home. But I've resigned myself to this way of thinking - if my wife is going to cheat again, she's just going to cheat. I don't think she will, but I always have to be open to that possibility. I'm confident I'll catch her if she does. It's not as much that I trust her, as it is being weary of worrying about trusting her.
> 
> .


...or that you trust your ability to catch her if she does decide to cheat.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Wait.
> 
> _What?_
> 
> ...


Stop being surprised at the weirdest places where people find value. (wisdom I coined myself).


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> I know of one that does exactly that. He targets women who have low self-esteem. Beds them and has kids. He has 5 kids with three different women. These women all have the same in common.


Oh, I hear you on that. Lots of losers target women with low self esteem as they consider them easy 'marks.'

But the OP said that this guy supposedly gets these women to LEAVE their husbands and he takes over the 'daddy' role.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

johnrod said:


> #2 This piece of crap gets off on hurting these women and kids. He DOES NOT want anything to do with the fat women or their kids but enjoys breaking up their relationships and getting sex. Then he moves into the daddy role and then leaving so he can hurt the kids too. He is a predator who needs to be stopped.


I think we comprehended your post just fine.

But you've contradicted yourself here - one minute you say he wants 'nothing to do' with these overweight women and their kids, but the very next sentence says he 'moves into the daddy role.' 

And again, you're way too obsessed with this clown. I honestly don't believe your intentions are altruistic and you're out to 'save' overweight married women who *cheat *on their husbands due to low self esteem, then are stupid enough to leave their husband's and allow this dip**** to play 'daddy.' These kids already HAVE a daddy, so how _brokenhearted_ can they really BE if mommy's 'friend' suddenly stops hanging around and taking then out for ice cream? I'm thinking not very much.

You're not out to rescue women and children from this 'predator' as you call him. Any woman stupid enough to fall for this guy and waste her time on him has CHOSEN to do so. He didn't hold a gun to your wife's head and I doubt he held a gun to any of the other stupid women desperate enough to give him the time of day. It sounds more like you simply want revenge on him any way you can *get* it, and since you don't want to spend jail-time for rearranging his face for him, the next best thing is to paint him as a predator that you NEED to bring down in order to save all of womankind. Damn, at least call a spade a spade.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The only way you will be able to let it go and move on is by forgiveness.
Both the man and your wife were equally responsible but your anger is only directed towards him, so you seem to have forgiven her but not him. 
My husbands ex wife cheated on him after 23 years of marriage and then divorced him. He forgave her and let it go, and he was able to move on quite quickly because of that. We married soon after and he has never been bitter about it. 
I think that it must be very hard to remain with the one who cheated, the trust has been shattered and the intimacy gone, so I admire you for being able to.

In the end its your choice. Stop doing things that will bring it all up again, forgive them both and move on. You are only harming yourself by having this anger and hate in you.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

#1 IMO, a BS can't get rid of the pain & anger but rather has to file it away where we file away all the other cr*p that has happened to us throughout life - and learn to live with it - which is different from burying it. 
What happened happened.
I don't know if trust ever comes back which is why BS continue to monitor years later which is why there's a constant reminder, which it's why it's hard to heal. 
So perhaps just accept you will never trust her as you did before the A. . . but who knows, maybe you will in time.

#2 The women Bozo attracts are cheaters. They don't need your help. They'll probably cheat with someone else anyway. 
So forget him and them - he. . . and they are irrelevant to your life. 

#3 It was your wife who cheated. Yep. 
Personally, with no disrespect to posters who mentioned forgiveness, I don't believe in forgiveness and the philosophy about how we should forgive and all the good it will do us. 
Instead, I just accept that someone screwed me over, showed me who they really are and what they're capable of. I just got to know them a bit better. 
Why should I forgive them? They knew what they were doing. Some people are decent human beings, others not so much. That's life.
Then comes the decision on whether we cut them out or in the case of betrayal take them back.
So we have to consider whether they'll do it again. You decided she wouldn't and took her back. If you thought she would, presumably you wouldn't have taken her back. 

So maybe, take a deep breath. . . 
- cut the irrelevant Bozo and his future cheating women out of your life
- assume your wife won't cheat 
- stop monitoring which may improve the relationship because I'm sure spouses know they're being monitored
. . . and last but not least start enjoying life! Try it even for a month and see how it feels. 
If you can't get past this and get your joy back, you'll have to leave her. . . because how you're living now is no way to live.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

johnrod,

A few of the things which can keep you unrecovered.

Did you get the complete truth from your WW or is she still lying by omission, did she ever write out a timeline or take a polygraph. 

Did you get the people out of your life who knew about, condoned or supported your WW affair. 

Did you destroy whatever gifts OM had given your WW.

Did your WW give the OM something sexual she had never done or will not do for you, this can keep men unrecovered for years. Related to that is when your WW starts to have sex with you again, but is less enthusiastic than before. 

Did you expose the affair to your family and kids so that you have some support network and are not forced to keep her affair secret when you have done nothing wrong.

About the OM did you expose him professionally and to his family. I understand the need to take a roadtrip I've calculated the mileage too.

Tamat


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

This is why I push for divorce. I don't think anyone really gets over an affair. They push it to the dark corners of their mind but it's still there.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

johnrod said:


> Some of you guys really need to re read my post.
> 
> #1 I am looking for help in getting over the hurt and anger that I still have 4 years later.
> 
> ...


although OM played a part your wife is the main culprit. He only took what she was willingly giving.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I find that some BS seem to project all their anger at the AP so they don't have to deal with their anger at their WS. It's kind of like rug sweeping. Sure that's not you? After all your wife didn't have to "fall" for his manipulation, and he never made vows to you she did.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Yeah I get it. I haven't been cheated on, but someone who f'D with me, my w, my kids would remain on my **** list.

Since he's across country not much you can do though. If you want to take a road trip that's up to you.

I might make sure I turned over the work of f'ing with this guy to others, though, so I could move on

To do that I might seek out all the local clergy and have a sit down along with evidence and photos so they can protect their "flock". I might travel to the local school districts and have a chat with the superintendents who have responsibility for the kids.

I might find the local watering holes the cops use, chat with the guys, and give them a heads up (specifically saying I can't jeopardize my own family by acting but know they hate scumbags like this in their town)

So if you are that obsessed there are ways to deliver some perpetual vengeance and still let it go.

Btw I worked in technical sales and consulting - not formally sales but I essentially sold my own work. I learned to listen and find the win-win - find the other guys hot button and give them what they want. My examples above are about passing on your concerns to people in positions likely to share your distain for this. In all cases you might get laughed at or be told it's none of your business. But that's ok 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Oh, I hear you on that. Lots of losers target women with low self esteem as they consider them easy 'marks.'
> 
> But the OP said that this guy supposedly gets these women to LEAVE their husbands and he takes over the 'daddy' role.


Whatever it takes for some. It is a game or conquest. What makes some people tick can never be determined.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Wanting revenge only prolongs the pain you feel about her cheating. As long as you feel a need to get back at her, whether you do so or not, you will be never ever able to let it go. This is the best advice I can give you, and what a Psychologist would recommend. You are keeping the memory of her cheat fresh. You even keep track of the anniversaries of her cheating. Either let it go or move out. As you are going now, your marriage is not going to be as good as it should me.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

OP,
There is one of two problems here:

1) The most likely problem is you have not recovered your marriage. Your wife has hurt you, but if she is not meeting your needs and you are not meeting hers, then your relationship is still floundering , and your anger and resentment will continue to take in air and breath life. What have you two done to recover your marriage? Have you taken concrete steps, or is the marriage limping along as it probably was when the affair started. I am not validating her infidelity or excusing her betrayal. But if you are focused on vengeance, that is symptomatic of a marriage still in crisis. There are couples that recover from affairs and go on to have marriages that are better than ever. But they act with intention--and with a plan--to address the problems and compensate for the betrayal. It doesn't look like this happened in your marriage.

2) The other problem is that you may be one to hold on to grudges, unwilling to go through a process of reconciliation where the wayward spouse acknowledges their betrayal, asks for forgiveness, and then atones for the transgression by taking steps to make the marriage better than it was before. Or perhaps she has not shown remorse. This would be a big problem, too. 

Forgiveness is a process. Both parties have to earnestly work towards it. But there is healing when it is done right. No one is perfect, but if two people make the effort forgiveness can happen, and so can reconciliation.

If true reconciliation is achieved, then most times the anger at the POSOM usually dissipates over time.


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## Kerf (Apr 22, 2017)

The OM is probably a scumbag and there are definitely some men out there that get off on "stealing" someone else's wife.But it's not like the OM put a gun to their head.Or hypnotized them.There's only so much you can do.You can't keep stalking the guy and saving the damsel.

As to your wife, why waste another 4 years or more?At this point you may never get over what she did.Is there love there left or do you just refuse to lose to the OM?


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

Rick Blaine said:


> OP,
> There is one of two problems here:
> 
> 1) The most likely problem is you have not recovered your marriage. Your wife has hurt you, but if she is not meeting your needs and you are not meeting hers, then your relationship is still floundering , and your anger and resentment will continue to take in air and breath life. What have you two done to recover your marriage? Have you taken concrete steps, or is the marriage limping along as it probably was when the affair started. I am not validating her infidelity or excusing her betrayal. But if you are focused on vengeance, that is symptomatic of a marriage still in crisis. There are couples that recover from affairs and go on to have marriages that are better than ever. But they act with intention--and with a plan--to address the problems and compensate for the betrayal. It doesn't look like this happened in your marriage.
> ...


It is truly odd to me that some people see holding a grudge as being a "problem". The culture in my area of the country expects and accepts holding a grudge against someone who's wronged you to be the norm.

I know ... I know ... many will be by to tell me that WW was just as culpable as OM and/or that OM didn't make vows with the BH, but when dealing with such a major "wrong" as infidelity, I had more than enough anger to spread around. Being pissed at OM, is in no way giving the WW a free pass and is probably beneficial is allowing the WW to see just how bad she screwed up by seeing the pure hatred her actions have caused. Those OM rants may not have been directed at WW, but she damn well got the message that she was the root cause, especially the parts where I questioned her judgment about falling for the BS from such a low life POS, and then started clicking off the bullet points of his obvious ****tyness that she had to disregard, or was blinded by, to do what she did.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

johnrod said:


> Some of you guys really need to re read my post.
> 
> #1 I am looking for help in getting over the hurt and anger that I still have 4 years later.
> 
> ...


I don't blame you for wanting to F up the other POS. It would not surprise me if he ended up in a dumpster someday.

I am sorry you went through this. I don't know the nature or length of your wife's affair but she is very lucky to have you


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

MyRevelation said:


> It is truly odd to me that some people see holding a grudge as being a "problem". The culture in my area of the country expects and accepts holding a grudge against someone who's wronged you to be the norm.
> 
> I know ... I know ... many will be by to tell me that WW was just as culpable as OM and/or that OM didn't make vows with the BH, but when dealing with such a major "wrong" as infidelity, I had more than enough anger to spread around. Being pissed at OM, is in no way giving the WW a free pass and is probably beneficial is allowing the WW to see just how bad she screwed up by seeing the pure hatred her actions have caused. Those OM rants may not have been directed at WW, but she damn well got the message that she was the root cause, especially the parts where I questioned her judgment about falling for the BS from such a low life POS, and then started clicking off the bullet points of his obvious ****tyness that she had to disregard, or was blinded by, to do what she did.


The problem for OP is that his grudge seems to have become a millstone around his neck. It's not healthy to carry that baggage. THAT is the problem for OP. My ex-wife cheated on me twice, and we divorced twice over it. I didn't stick around either time while she was carrying on her affairs. But I don't obsess over her or the POSOM anymore. Don't get me wrong. There was a time when I wanted to do this to both of the other men: 



 But the truth is, nothing I do to either of these OM will help me. I'll feel better in the short run punching one of them, but in the long run not so much. Sinking to their level would put me in a place I don't want to be. So I have learned to let it go, and there is great freedom in that. I don't wish for an ugly past to be the master I serve. I want to move forward, healed and happy, letting go of a past I could not fully control. I wish the same for OP. 

Both parties in the affair are equally culpable. And we cannot control either of them. But we can control our own destinies, and moving forward without holding on to bitterness, sadness, and resentment are our best options. We cannot recreate ourselves into better and happier people if we are holding on to something ugly in the past. It's time for healing and renewal.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i get it. it happened to me. and my wife was the worst offender.

this was years ago and i'm remarried now. but it still angers me. i ruminated for days how i was going to drive to
the next state and kick his ass. even now, after 6 six years i wouldn't mind doing it. 

so yeah, i get it.

and i don't think OP is really going to do this, I think he is venting and HE WOULD LIKE TO.

but, in the small chance that this becomes more than an urge and you load up your car and fill it with gas, consider a few things that can go really wrong.

1. this guy, as big a douche as he probably is, might not be a *****. he might know MMA, or street fighting, or he might have a gun.
the possibility of him having a gun crossed my mind while i fumed and planned my own revenge.
lot's of bad stuff could happen including somebody getting killed. wouldn't even take a gun. just a right cross that hits the mark, lays him down and he hits the back of
his head on the pavement................and coma and dies. manslaughter? 5-10?

2. you could be arrested and charged with whatever. screws up your life big time.

3. you'll feel like the king of the universe after you kick his ass for about 1.1/2 hours and then you'll probably regret it the rest of your life.

but, you know what? i get it. i really do.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

Rick Blaine said:


> But the truth is, nothing I do to either of these OM will help me.


That may well be YOUR "truth", but it damn sure ain't mine, and it's not universal.

OTOH though, I would like to have one of those 20 shot revolvers like Costner was using.


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## goingsolo12 (Mar 26, 2017)

@johnrod

We all agree that the person your wife had an affair with is a mentally deranged POS.
But think about it, your anger is misdirected my friend, now tell me is it possible to clap with one hand? you need two hands to clap right? The other hand here is your wife. Did you have any relationship with the POS prior to your wife's affair? No. Did you trust and love your wife and believed she would never do such a horrible thing to you? Yes. So who is to blame? who deserves your anger more? Its your wife, no matter how much of a player the POS was your wife was the one who decided to start an affair, he never held a gun to your wife's head, your wife made conscious choices and she is the one to blame, she deserves your anger.

Now hear me out. I think you have a lot of resentment towards your wife which you are directing at the POS, you are still angry with your wife and all of that anger needs an outlet, so you scour FB for the POS which is not at all healthy. I am not sure your wife did all the work to heal you, but believe me, you are not healed at all, you need help, get in to therapy now, you will never be happy this way, don't let the stupid decisions your wife made ruin your life.

All the best


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

johnrod said:


> Some of you guys really need to re read my post.
> 
> #1 I am looking for help in getting over the hurt and anger that I still have 4 years later.


I hate to say it, but time and positive interests help a lot. Therapy to reset your focus on other things would help too.

remaining angry and focusing on the unchangeable trigger of your anger only keeps you angry and hurt.



johnrod said:


> #2 This piece of crap gets off on hurting these women and kids. He DOES NOT want anything to do with the fat women or their kids but enjoys breaking up their relationships and getting sex. Then he moves into the daddy role and then leaving so he can hurt the kids too. He is a predator who needs to be stopped.


So what will you being the savior of all women do for you? Seriously, you are goal-oriented, but misguided. a cheating woman is an adult making decisions for herself to screw up. An opportunist? Of course.

Better for you to move onto fixing problems that you can actually do. Being a hero is just frustrating. And actually going and inflicting violence? Fraught with legal ramifications and risk to your person. 

Why bother.



johnrod said:


> #3 I never said that my wife wasn't to blame. I keep VERY close tabs on her and if I smell even the hint of another affair, she'll be gone.



Eventually all this mate-guarding behavior is going to grow tiresome for you and probably not worth taking for her too. somehow you need a better re-connection or just walk away from the marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MyRevelation said:


> It is truly odd to me that some people see holding a grudge as being a "problem". The culture in my area of the country expects and accepts holding a grudge against someone who's wronged you to be the norm.
> 
> I know ... I know ... many will be by to tell me that WW was just as culpable as OM and/or that OM didn't make vows with the BH, but when dealing with such a major "wrong" as infidelity, I had more than enough anger to spread around. Being pissed at OM, is in no way giving the WW a free pass and is probably beneficial is allowing the WW to see just how bad she screwed up by seeing the pure hatred her actions have caused. Those OM rants may not have been directed at WW, but she damn well got the message that she was the root cause, especially the parts where I questioned her judgment about falling for the BS from such a low life POS, and then started clicking off the bullet points of his obvious ****tyness that she had to disregard, or was blinded by, to do what she did.


Holding a grudge, unforgiveness, bitterness, internal anger, not letting go, ALL these things will ONLY harm the one with them. They will harm him mentally, emotionally and physically. Its like drinking poison and expecting the one who hurt you to die. 
I know people who have made that decision to forgive and let go of the most terrible things done to them, far worse than cheating. It changed their lives.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Johnrod
What is your present relationship like. Does she act like she was taken in by a sociopath? The usual timeframe for recovery is 2-5 years. You seem to be holding onto this. What happened, outside of the obvious? Did her affair wreck the marriage for good. We really do not know your whole story. One can infer from your statements that this POS took your wife and kids, then dumped the lot of them. Is that so? I find it difficult to completely understand where you are coming from, save and except for the anger, which is understandable. What in your present circumstances, other than frustration, is exacerbating the anger. PS, you are still massively angry with your WW. UMMM, just saying that referring to your wife and his other conquests as "fat" does show your "Freudian slip".


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## Finwe (Nov 5, 2015)

I had an awesome dog once. He was a shepherd/husky/rottweiler cross. Energetic, smart, and beautiful. Amazingly well-tempered. 

He mastered the art of ignoring belligerent or annoying dogs and people. He did not bark or get worked up, simply ignored them. 

If you really want to "get back" at him, ignore him and lead a successful and happy life.

Man, I miss that dog.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

johnrod said:


> But when do the movies and the hurt and anger go away? I hate living like this. And my wife and I are R'd and as paranoid about her cheating again as I am, she has not gone near another guy outside of work related conversations. She has for the most part followed all of my rules for R too. I almost feel like I want to cheat on her but know that two wrongs don't make a right.


Um, therapy might be a good place to start, and yes quit chasing the POSOM around, it aint worth it.....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Wait.
> 
> _What?_
> 
> ...


He has accepted and excused his wife's weakness and infidelity. Something YOU could not do. Me neither.

The other POSOM? 

He needs to be hurt. You cannot shame him...he has no shame. You cannot embarrass him. He has no shame.

He does feel pain. He does feel pain. He does feel pain.

I will not say anymore, evermore.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Finwe said:


> I had an awesome dog once. He was a shepherd/husky/rottweiler cross. Energetic, smart, and beautiful. Amazingly well-tempered.
> 
> He mastered the art of ignoring belligerent or annoying dogs and people. He did not bark or get worked up, simply ignored them.
> 
> ...


Good Dog.

My Red Dog would tear the throat out of anything that was a sure threat.
He was good with children and ladies.

In the end, he was torn to shreds. He always had my back. He held my goods in a sack.

Yea, he was a bad dog. But, I loved him.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By Johntod
> But when do the movies and the hurt and anger go away?


When you build yourself up (mind, body, emotions, spirit) enough so that you know that you can live with her or without her, the hurt and anger will start to significantly go away ... Accept the fact that you have been shyt on and decide that you are not going to let the OM or your wife ruin your emotions but instead decide that you are going to win at life. When you build yourself up you will need to forgive; my forgive definition for you right now is to forgive so that you no longer are consumed by hurt and hate and revenge; nothing more right now. *Why forgive? Because it WILL BENEFIT YOU!!!*

Your wife and the OM hurt you to the bone; as a BS myself I get that. However, you have to stop thinking about how wrong you were done and stop looking for justice and revenge. There is no justice when you have been betrayed; your goal is not justice and revenge but* for you to get a lot better and to get better you need to do what is right for YOU even if you do not want to right now.*

You will never trust your wife 100% or admire her like you once did. Instead you learn to trust yourself and admire yourself. You can use family, friends, and faith to supplement your building yourself up so you do not have depend on your wife as much.

You are going to have to change directions even if you do not want to. Your vengeance and hate will harm you most of all so DO NOT FEED that monster anymore. *Your decisions and action will make you better or bitter and that is your reality right now. You get to chose which one you will become.*

When you get stronger you can do a better job at R if that is what you want. Your wife seems remorseful and has proven that for 4 years.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MyRevelation said:


> It is truly odd to me that some people see holding a grudge as being a "problem". The culture in my area of the country expects and accepts holding a grudge against someone who's wronged you to be the norm.
> 
> I know ... I know ... many will be by to tell me that WW was just as culpable as OM and/or that OM didn't make vows with the BH, but when dealing with such a major "wrong" as infidelity, I had more than enough anger to spread around. Being pissed at OM, is in no way giving the WW a free pass and is probably beneficial is allowing the WW to see just how bad she screwed up by seeing the pure hatred her actions have caused. Those OM rants may not have been directed at WW, but she damn well got the message that she was the root cause, especially the parts where I questioned her judgment about falling for the BS from such a low life POS, and then started clicking off the bullet points of his obvious ****tyness that she had to disregard, or was blinded by, to do what she did.


I think most people understand it but many of us wonder if it is healthy or good for you. I personally believe holding on to such intense anger for long periods of time is the type of thing that can cause cancer. Stress is definitely a factor in health. I am not saying not to see this guy for the **** he is. Maybe even not punching him in his face next time you meet him. But obsessing about him, to me is just not conducive to moving on with your life. It's kind of keeping you stuck. 

The other thing is the disconnect of hating and wanting to destroy the guy who did this to you and yet living the rest of your life with the person who had a much greater responsibly to you and did this to you. I don't really understand how that works without rug sweeping. I understand moving forward, but how can you move forward with one person and not the other. Seems schizophrenic and again not conducive for healing.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I think most people understand it but many of us wonder if it is healthy or good for you. I personally believe holding on to such intense anger for long periods of time is the type of thing that can cause cancer. Stress is definitely a factor in health. I am not saying not to see this guy for the **** he is. Maybe even not punching him in his face next time you meet him. But obsessing about him, to me is just not conducive to moving on with your life. It's kind of keeping you stuck.
> 
> The other thing is the disconnect of hating and wanting to destroy the guy who did this to you and yet living the rest of your life with the person who had a much greater responsibly to you and did this to you. I don't really understand how that works without rug sweeping. I understand moving forward, but how can you move forward with one person and not the other. Seems schizophrenic and again not conducive for healing.


We've already plowed this ground. My response to your continued baiting isn't going to change just because you don't like my position and keep trying to make an issue out of it.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Still waiting to hear from OP how his marriage has "recovered" from the affair. A marriage can recover if both spouses put in the work and the wayward spouse is remorseful and willing to atone for the mistake. We don't get a picture from OP of what has transpired in terms of the recovery of the marriage, and that is important to the issue he presents: not being able to let go of his anger towards the POSOM. Some here have mentioned that he can never trust her again. But here's the thing: one should never fully trust their spouse any. We are all wired to have an affair, and that is why it so important that couples establish clear boundaries and to operate in complete transparency.

I hope that OP will share how recovery is going.


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## johnrod (Apr 26, 2017)

Well, our marriage is happier and stronger than it ever has been. My wife wrote me a timeline when she confessed in Sept of 2013. She has followed all of my requirements with a lapse in judgement or two.
Like she works in a big retail store and there was a pop vendor that I just didn't like the looks of and I told her to stay away from him. Well, the next day I went in to see her on her lunch (she calls or texts every time she goes on lunch and when she gets off) and she was talking to him. She told me that he stopped her to chat and since she has to work with him, she didn't want to be rude. It was believable because I was texting her literally a minute before and I actually saw her walking alone in the store.
But I still had a mini meltdown and it was like the day it happened again in my mind. And then when I brought up the timeline because I have always questioned it in my mind. She had told me that she had she had sex with him one time and then gave him 2 blowjobs after at later dates. When I brought it up she said, "I never said that I gave him the blowjobs after they had sex" which has caused me to question everything she said even more and think that maybe more happened. She maintains that it was the worst mistake of her life and she has worked hard to block it all out of her mind so it makes it hard for her to remember it all. Which I don’t really believe either. She now says that she is pretty sure that the blowjobs happened before the sex but she can’t remember.
She does say that when he was gone for a few weeks and then we went to our hometown for Memorial day weekend that it felt like we had started over and she was disgusted by what she had done and never wanted to see him again. It was like she came out of the fog and saw what she had done and how she was hurting her family. But yet it really bothers me that I don’t know 100% if I know the whole story or not. 
But like I said before, she has followed all of my rules (passwords, open communication, accountability, knowing where she is at all times, ect) and things have really never been better. She also maintains that it is not my fault at all and that the blame is all hers. Sex has been great and a lot of it. Like 3-5 times per week. And I am very confident that she isn’t and hasn’t done anything since because I can account for her time and whereabouts.
But yet I have anger for him because he treated her like a cheap sex toy after wooing her and making her think that I was a dirtbag and he was her friend who she could confide in. I told her how he was on many occasions but she would tell me that “he said that you would say things like that” and that she was really confused by everything. Plus, I hadn’t been the best husband for the first 10-12 years of our marriage. I worked all of the time and spent too much time with my hobbies, so she felt ignored and unloved.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

johnrod said:


> Well, our marriage is happier and stronger than it ever has been. My wife wrote me a timeline when she confessed in Sept of 2013. She has followed all of my requirements with a lapse in judgement or two.
> Like she works in a big retail store and there was a pop vendor that I just didn't like the looks of and I told her to stay away from him. Well, the next day I went in to see her on her lunch (she calls or texts every time she goes on lunch and when she gets off) and she was talking to him. She told me that he stopped her to chat and since she has to work with him, she didn't want to be rude. It was believable because I was texting her literally a minute before and I actually saw her walking alone in the store.
> But I still had a mini meltdown and it was like the day it happened again in my mind. And then when I brought up the timeline because I have always questioned it in my mind. She had told me that she had she had sex with him one time and then gave him 2 blowjobs after at later dates. When I brought it up she said, "I never said that I gave him the blowjobs after they had sex" which has caused me to question everything she said even more and think that maybe more happened. She maintains that it was the worst mistake of her life and she has worked hard to block it all out of her mind so it makes it hard for her to remember it all. Which I don’t really believe either. She now says that she is pretty sure that the blowjobs happened before the sex but she can’t remember.
> She does say that when he was gone for a few weeks and then we went to our hometown for Memorial day weekend that it felt like we had started over and she was disgusted by what she had done and never wanted to see him again. It was like she came out of the fog and saw what she had done and how she was hurting her family. But yet it really bothers me that I don’t know 100% if I know the whole story or not.
> ...


Why in the world would you want to live like this?

Checking up on her all the time is not a relationship with a lover/wife it's raising a wayward child. 

No you didn't get the whole story, it keeps changing by what you have said. Schedule a lie detector test and take her to it. 

1. Is the time line you gave John true?

2. Did you only have sex with OM once?

3. If you could get away with it, will you cheat again?

4. Is this the only time you have had sex with another sense you have been with John?

This I think would clear up some of your questions.


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## johnrod (Apr 26, 2017)

It's getting better with her and I am letting go more and more, I will say that. But she complies with it without complaint. I actually would say no to going on trips by myself because I couldn't be there to catch her if she did something again. But I went overseas by myself (with a group of people we know) earlier this year. So I am getting better on that end.
But my hatred of him just will not go away. The fact that he got off scott free just burns me to no end. It's like if he got into a bad accident or died, I would feel like he got his and I think that I would feel better. I know better than that and that it's wrong, but it's like my emotions overtake my mind.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MyRevelation said:


> We've already plowed this ground. My response to your continued baiting isn't going to change just because you don't like my position and keep trying to make an issue out of it.


I am sorry that you feel like I am baiting you. That was not my intention. We can agree to disagree on this.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Rick Blaine said:


> Some here have mentioned that he can never trust her again. But here's the thing: one should never fully trust their spouse any.


There is a difference between knowing it's possible that you are wrong about your spouse and they may cheat, and knowing they have cheated ON YOU I might add. I also don't agree that we are all wired to cheat. Some us are wired to bond, maybe even too easily. We may all be wired to lust, but that doesn't equate to having the disposition to act on it.

I completely agree on the boundaries though.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

johnrod said:


> Well, our marriage is happier and stronger than it ever has been. My wife wrote me a timeline when she confessed in Sept of 2013. She has followed all of my requirements with a lapse in judgement or two.
> Like she works in a big retail store and there was a pop vendor that I just didn't like the looks of and I told her to stay away from him. Well, the next day I went in to see her on her lunch (she calls or texts every time she goes on lunch and when she gets off) and she was talking to him. She told me that he stopped her to chat and since she has to work with him, she didn't want to be rude. It was believable because I was texting her literally a minute before and I actually saw her walking alone in the store.
> But I still had a mini meltdown and it was like the day it happened again in my mind. And then when I brought up the timeline because I have always questioned it in my mind. She had told me that she had she had sex with him one time and then gave him 2 blowjobs after at later dates. When I brought it up she said, "I never said that I gave him the blowjobs after they had sex" which has caused me to question everything she said even more and think that maybe more happened. She maintains that it was the worst mistake of her life and she has worked hard to block it all out of her mind so it makes it hard for her to remember it all. Which I don’t really believe either. She now says that she is pretty sure that the blowjobs happened before the sex but she can’t remember.
> She does say that when he was gone for a few weeks and then we went to our hometown for Memorial day weekend that it felt like we had started over and she was disgusted by what she had done and never wanted to see him again. It was like she came out of the fog and saw what she had done and how she was hurting her family. But yet it really bothers me that I don’t know 100% if I know the whole story or not.
> ...


Interesting how she uses confusion as an excuse. Is anyone really confused enough to let someone have sex with them when they are married. Personally I think your issue is exactly what I said. You have not really dealt with how badly she betrayed you. I suggest you really work on this. On how you feel deep down inside about who your wife is and what she had done to you. How it changed you. I also suggest you tell her this stuff. Stop trying to protect her from that. You need to heal, she did this to you. She was not a child, she made a willful choice and chose that other man over you at least for a time. If you want to get over your anger then you need to accept it. This is what she did and who she is or at least she was. 

Just my two cents.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

johnrod said:


> It's getting better with her and I am letting go more and more, I will say that. But she complies with it without complaint. I actually would say no to going on trips by myself because I couldn't be there to catch her if she did something again. But I went overseas by myself (with a group of people we know) earlier this year. So I am getting better on that end.
> But my hatred of him just will not go away. The fact that he got off scott free just burns me to no end. It's like if he got into a bad accident or died, I would feel like he got his and I think that I would feel better. I know better than that and that it's wrong, but it's like my emotions overtake my mind.


Your overall hatred for him will most likely never go away but you need to stop tracking the clown, following him on Facebook etc. The only way to start controlling the emotions is to put him in the past. Yeah he got off Scott free and this is part of the crap sandwich most bs have to learn to swallow. Even if you had divorced he was going to get off without any consequences. It's not fair but this is fact. 

The om in my situation is a serial cheater, my divorce was the 6th that I know of he was involved in. He's been beat up, cars vandalized and his house trashed several times by bs out for revenge. These kinds of people don't care what happens to them, they aren't going to stop. The only way to move forward to to put him in the rear view mirror and render him irrelevant. Your going to have to make a conscious effort to do it in the beginning but eventually the rage you feel towards him will become less, it won't control you. It doesn't happen overnight but you must quit fueling it by checking up on facebook, things like that.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

A good friend once told me "Continuing to dwell on a person that caused pain in your life is like letting someone live in your head, without paying rent."


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

johnrod said:


> It's getting better with her and I am letting go more and more, I will say that. But she complies with it without complaint. I actually would say no to going on trips by myself because I couldn't be there to catch her if she did something again. But I went overseas by myself (with a group of people we know) earlier this year. So I am getting better on that end.
> But my hatred of him just will not go away. The fact that he got off scott free just burns me to no end. It's like if he got into a bad accident or died, I would feel like he got his and I think that I would feel better. I know better than that and that it's wrong, but it's like my emotions overtake my mind.


As long as you keep feeding these emotions they will not go away. Its like a fire, keep putting on more logs and it will burn brighter, stop putting logs on and it will go out. Dont dwell on him, don't stalk him online. 
I also think that you must accept that your wife was just as guilty as him, in fact more so because she was the married one. You are deflecting all the anger and blame onto him which is what many betrayed spouses do, making excuses for their poor deceived spouses who couldn't help themselves, and had to have sex more than once with them because they were 'taken advantage of'. Its all nonsense. 

If you want to carry on in bitterness and anger and make yourself ill, then do nothing. If you want to be free then forgive them both and move on. 
I know a lady who forgave her father who had molested her for many years. She said it changed her life. The choice is yours. Many have forgiven far far worse things.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

johnrod said:


> It's getting better with her and I am letting go more and more, I will say that. But she complies with it without complaint. I actually would say no to going on trips by myself because I couldn't be there to catch her if she did something again. But I went overseas by myself (with a group of people we know) earlier this year. So I am getting better on that end.
> But my hatred of him just will not go away. *The fact that he got off scott free just burns me to no end.* It's like if he got into a bad accident or died, I would feel like he got his and I think that I would feel better. I know better than that and that it's wrong, but it's like my emotions overtake my mind.


It bothers me too.

There is no justice................ if no one cares to hand deliver it.

Just Sayin'


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> As long as you keep feeding these emotions they will not go away. Its like a fire, keep putting on more logs and it will burn brighter, stop putting logs on and it will go out. Dont dwell on him, don't stalk him online.
> I also think that you must accept that your wife was just as guilty as him, in fact more so because she was the married one. You are deflecting all the anger and blame onto him which is what many betrayed spouses do, making excuses for their poor deceived spouses who couldn't help themselves, and had to have sex more than once with them because they were 'taken advantage of'. Its all nonsense.
> 
> If you want to carry on in bitterness and anger and make yourself ill, then do nothing. If you want to be free then forgive them both and move on.
> I know a lady who forgave her father who had molested her for many years. She said it changed her life. The choice is yours. Many have forgiven far far worse things.


You are a wonderful Lady and Wife. You are.

But this thinking will not stop the Huns at the Gate.

Leave revenge to men. Keep the home fires burning.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

It does not seem to me that you have healed in the least bit. At least not in a healthy way. That could be the cause of your anger. I am positive that it is.

First, you have your wife on a leash like she is some kid with ADD. She follows your "rules". You sir, have a hostage. You wrote:_ But like I said before, she has followed all of my rules (passwords, open communication, accountability, knowing where she is at all times, ect) and things have really never been better. She also maintains that it is not my fault at all and that the blame is all hers. Sex has been great and a lot of it. Like 3-5 times per week. And I am very confident that she isn’t and hasn’t done anything since because I can account for her time and whereabouts._ Seriously?! 

Then, you don't trust her even a little bit, as if her panties will hit the floor given any opportunity. Again, you wrote the following: _Like she works in a big retail store and there was a pop vendor that I just didn't like the looks of and I told her to stay away from him. Well, the next day I went in to see her on her lunch (she calls or texts every time she goes on lunch and when she gets off) and she was talking to him. She told me that he stopped her to chat and since she has to work with him, she didn't want to be rude. It was believable because I was texting her literally a minute before and I actually saw her walking alone in the store._ I really can't say that there is anything healthy about that at all. 

I think your anger is not just that the other guy got away with sex and 2 blow jobs, its that you can't control him. You suggest that she cheated because you were into work and hobbies so that you neglected her and that he took advantage of her. I just gotta say, "NO". She cheated because she wanted to cheat.

If you are happy, then I guess that is all that matters, but then again, you were previously happy working all the time and enjoying your hobbies and neglecting her. That did not work out well. I don't forsee this working that well either. Your anger with the OM is justified. I get not feeling that you got your pound of flesh from him. I really do. Still, you are not married to him. You guys need some counseling. I hope that you get it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

sokillme said:


> The other thing is the disconnect of hating and wanting to destroy the guy who did this to you and yet living the rest of your life with the person who had a much greater responsibly to you and did this to you. I don't really understand how that works without rug sweeping. I understand moving forward, but *how can you move forward with one person and not the other. Seems schizophrenic and again not conducive for healing.*


Schizophrenic?

Works for me! >
.............................................................................................................
So "Kill Me", why should BS fall on 'his' sword. Let AP fall on his screw driver.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MAJDEATH said:


> A good friend once told me "Continuing to dwell on a person that caused pain in your life is like letting someone live in your head, without paying rent."


Exactly...

Now is the time to collect the rent.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

johnrod said:


> *But yet I have anger for him because he treated her like a cheap sex toy *after wooing her and making her think that I was a dirtbag and he was her friend who she could confide in. I told her how he was on many occasions but she would tell me that “he said that you would say things like that” and that she was really confused by everything. Plus, I hadn’t been the best husband for the first 10-12 years of our marriage. I worked all of the time and spent too much time with my hobbies, so she felt ignored and unloved.


She allowed him to treat her that way. He took what was given freely.


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