# Asked him to take all his stuff



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I finally did it, I asked him to come to the house and take all the stuff that belongs to him out of the marital home. I have been wavering, wanting to be nice, maybe see him when he came her to do things or get stuff, but I need to make the break clean. He is in a small place, we have a BIG house, but that doesn't matter anymore. Under my bed are his high school mementos, in the garage there are all his tools. I just emptied his closet of the last of his clothes, the basement has skis and other things. Its enough and it has been long enough. I think its the wondering about why he comes around that needs to stop. Is it outrageous that he left all these things behind? Or just that I didn't make him take it? Go ahead, tell me I have been crazy, its just after 28 years, I still want it not to be over:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You will not be able to move on with your life until he gets his stuff out. Give him x number of days. If he does not do it, pack it all up and put it in a storage place. Then let him know where his stuff is.

Or just pack it and tell him it will be in the front yard on x day. If he does not show up you will hold a garage sale the next weekend and sell it all, donate the rest to charity and take the tax break since you had to do all the work to move it and dispose of it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell him he can either clear out or you will be happy to make a donation of his detritus to Goodwill on his behalf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

madaboutlove said:


> I finally did it, I asked him to come to the house and take all the stuff that belongs to him out of the marital home. I have been wavering, wanting to be nice, maybe see him when he came her to do things or get stuff, but I need to make the break clean. He is in a small place, we have a BIG house, but that doesn't matter anymore. Under my bed are his high school mementos, in the garage there are all his tools. I just emptied his closet of the last of his clothes, the basement has skis and other things. Its enough and it has been long enough. I think its the wondering about why he comes around that needs to stop. Is it outrageous that he left all these things behind? Or just that I didn't make him take it? Go ahead, tell me I have been crazy, its just after 28 years, I still want it not to be over:scratchhead:


You are not crazy. 28 years is a hell of a lot to get rid of on a Saturday afternoon yard sale! I'm just trying to move on after 18 years. It's do tough. Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself time to grieve and heal. My H still wants to spend time with me and I know he had the EA but he is hurting too. I know he is not proud of himself. The transition is difficult for everyone involved.

Just look after yourself and put steps in place to protect your heart from more harm. It's a difficult time.
Take care
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Thanks for the feedback. @Daisy, my STBXH wants to spend time with me if I can just pretend it doesn't matter that we are not husband and wife anymore. He would feel better about what happened if that were the case. I am just not ready to see him under any circumstances other than married right now, it's too painful. I am sure when it is all gone, I am also going to miss it! But letting him have a reason to keep coming over is not good for me anymore. Will be tough on my kids too, they use his tools, etc, but they will just have to get over it or go see him. I haven't set a date, just said its time, but if it goes too long, I will get firm. He even asked me if I wanted him to do the house, garage or shed first! I said it all goes. Your choice to leave, now go


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

For me it would be worth it to get a moving company to take all his stuff to a storage place, you can get 6 months storage pay it all up front, and then give him the key. Let him know how much it cost, if he wants to pay you great, if not, you're all set anyway. He can then have 6 months to make arrangements for his stuff, or he can visit it whenever he likes without you having to play random hostess.

IMO he has left the stuff there so he can 'stop by' to 'get something' if you have a 'visitor'. He's marking his territory and leaving behind an excuse to 'happen' to interfere, also making sure that if anyone comes along, they'll see that you haven't 'moved on' because his stuff is still there. 

That's why I'd think it was worth it for me to have his stuff out, even if I had to pay to have it gone.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Oh boy, I am not even close to thinking about having someone else in my life. I am trying not to spend any time figuring out what he is thinking, I am just trying to do what I need to do right now. Partly be kind but also to set some boundaries. This is my space now, he made that choice, and I just need it to be settled. Again, I would love it if he wanted to come here for me, but there is no evidence to support that, so better end it. HE is still getting mail here too.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

madaboutlove said:


> Thanks for the feedback. @Daisy, my STBXH wants to spend time with me if I can just pretend it doesn't matter that we are not husband and wife anymore. He would feel better about what happened if that were the case. I am just not ready to see him under any circumstances other than married right now, it's too painful. I am sure when it is all gone, I am also going to miss it! But letting him have a reason to keep coming over is not good for me anymore. Will be tough on my kids too, they use his tools, etc, but they will just have to get over it or go see him. I haven't set a date, just said its time, but if it goes too long, I will get firm. He even asked me if I wanted him to do the house, garage or shed first! I said it all goes. *Your choice to leave, now go*



You wrote with such strength here... keep feeling it!
(I know it's easier said than done).


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Every step along the way requires two steps forward and one back. I found myself keeping some things hidden so I wouldn't lose it all! Silly girl. Hey, I have been in love with him for almost 30 years. And I do like him (most of the time). But a pretend husband who comes to the house to act like he used to, then leaves me again just makes it too hard on me.


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## carol (Mar 8, 2011)

Good for you! He might have no where to put that stuff or he might not think it is a big deal to come and get what he needs when he needs it. Don't read more into it. Give him a time limit and tell him what you will do if he doesn't comply. Throw it out, give it away etc...Keep strong!

This might help: Divorce | Carol Ferguson



madaboutlove said:


> I finally did it, I asked him to come to the house and take all the stuff that belongs to him out of the marital home. I have been wavering, wanting to be nice, maybe see him when he came her to do things or get stuff, but I need to make the break clean. He is in a small place, we have a BIG house, but that doesn't matter anymore. Under my bed are his high school mementos, in the garage there are all his tools. I just emptied his closet of the last of his clothes, the basement has skis and other things. Its enough and it has been long enough. I think its the wondering about why he comes around that needs to stop. Is it outrageous that he left all these things behind? Or just that I didn't make him take it? Go ahead, tell me I have been crazy, its just after 28 years, I still want it not to be over:scratchhead:


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I can't seem to do it. Had another texting chat this weekend to say gt your stuff out. He came by, picked up a few things, but that is it. I need the closure of all of him moved out, put I am also panicked about the day it actually happens. Still, I know I have no choice in this, he left, he is not coming back and this needs to happen. April 1st seems a good deadline, that is the date he rented the apt. he is living in last year. He has had that apt for a year and still hasn't changed his mailing address. I don't get it, keep trying to get it, just keep wanting it all to make sense and I know it never will. Uggh


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