# evenings are the toughest.



## Wyoming (Jun 6, 2011)

For the past 2 days I have sent texts to my wife who has been gone for 4 days now, I haven't heard from her in two. she refuses to answer my calls texts or emails. I know I shouldn't even try but damn its tough at night.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You have to find something to fill your time or you'll go nuts. Start a journel, a hobby, maybe some self help books. I read "After the Afair" it all helped. 
You have to fill your time with something other then what your W is doing. And believe me drinking does not help. Ive tried and it just sucks you down to there level. You must raise above and be better then all that BS she is causing.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

It's really tough not to send those emails and texts, christ I know that full well. I try to remember how disgusted and annoyed I am when someone won't stop nagging me and then see how I feel when I think about being the source of that feeling.

It doesn't always help but it does stop me a lot.


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## Tom Thompson (Jun 7, 2011)

I am in the same boat. My wife said I was too needy because I am always reaching out, she said she wanted some space. She isn't here right now and we will be living in different places. I really have to fight the urge to send those messages, they are counter productive. I find I put my thoughts in an email and send those, but even they may not be healthy. I also agree that after the affair is a great book.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Believe me, it does get easier and easier really quick too, if you put yourself first. Concentrate on what the next phase will be, and what you will be doing in the next phase. Keep yourself busy and if you are so inclined...pray a lot. Almost 11 weeks under my belt and not even being bothered with trying to call, text or email the idiot ;o) Best wishes to you all, and you are in a good place. We all know what it is like, cause we have been where you are.


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## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

Tonight is the first night I am ok with giving my H space (as per his wish). I've been chasing him for 3 months since he said he needed time. We separated 4 months ago, but he didn't HALT everything right away. At first our separation was a "do-over", date, etc. because we married too soon. Our situation is difficult because we both have custody of our kids from previous marriages (which was a major issue in our marriage, the whole your kids, my kids thing). We were high school sweethearts who parted ways and found each other again after each were divorced. Thought love would conquer all...this is not exactly what we had planned. He's not seeing anyone. He says he just needs to time to breathe and regroup. Our marriage was VERY hard and exhausting. I was at first scared to give him space, but chasing him was not doing any good. So yesterday I decided no more. No more texts, emails, calls, no nothing until he initiates it. He needs to miss me before he'll come back. He says he thinks the "space" thing is just a phase and he'll come back because he believes in marriage and making it work. (His first wife cheated on him and left him repeatedly until he finally had to let her go.) Neither of us ever lied to or cheated on each other, just daily life, combined with raising 4 kids, two each from previous marriages, dealing with ex's, etc. all took it's toll in a major way. I can just cross my fingers and focus on me. Got my book The Divorce Remedy in the mail today so I'll fill my evenings with reading that!!


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## JupitersLament (May 30, 2011)

If you can't get any friends to come and visit, take up playing Guitar.

Or buy a PS3 or play WoW or something.


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## JupitersLament (May 30, 2011)

onceagain said:


> just daily life, combined with raising 4 kids, two each from previous marriages, dealing with ex's, etc. all took it's toll in a major way. I can just cross my fingers and focus on me.


Can you explain a bit about your experiences with this? I fear one day when I meet someone of what will happen with the way my EX is (violent, aggressive, stalking) and how that may affect future relationships.


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## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

JupitersLament - I have two kids, he has two kids; ages are 8, 14 (mine) 11 & 12 (his). My EX was very jealous and never wanted my husband to be involved in my son's boy scouts or discipline him, etc. That made my husband feel unimportant and like he didn't matter. His EW is a complete loser who cannot hold a job longer than 2 weeks. She has moved about 10 times over the past 3 years that I've been around. Has recently lost her DL due to a DUI, got her car repossessed and got evicted for non payment of rent. I did EVERYTHING for her kids but when mommy did the slightest thing for them it was so much better than what I did for them daily...atleast that's how I thought at the time. It was hard to know I was raising them but she was the Mommy and came first in their hearts although she neglected most of their needs if not all of them. Since our separation, my Husband has been helping her get back on track by not making her take visitations (he has custody) and he also watches her 3 year old (from her second marriage, which has ended as well) while she works weekends and goes to school. So he is basically now raising my step kids and her 3 year old on his own right now. His mentality is that if she can get it together that will in the end be better for him and his kids. His EX never paid a dime of child support and we were left to provide everything while my EH did pay his share of child support etc. The instability with the EW, having married before bonding with his kids, therefore becoming an overnight full time mother to two additional kids I did not know, having DOUBLE the housework, kid responsibilities, etc without DOUBLE the help was stressful, we fought over whose kid did what and how, etc. It was just SOOOO overwhelming. We are truly in love with each other but we lost each other thru the constant stress and arguments. Now he's on his own with the kids, doing what he wants his way and I think he finds it refreshing. He says he loves me and he does not want a divorce right now but he needs time away to regroup. I kicked him out btw because I never felt supported or helped enough. I would get so overwhelmed I would break down, we'd fight over the same things over and over and I'd say get out. Then we'd make up and I'd ask him not to leave. Then it would happen again and I'd say get out. Last time, he left. I KNOW this was the wrong way to do things. I am so sorry for kicking him out. I'm afraid he'll never trust that I won't do it again no matter how many times I tell him I was wrong. Right now we are in a holding pattern. I think I pushed him into a mid life crisis. He says it's a phase and he'll probably come back...but when is the question. We both feel like failures and know the kids can't be hurt again. STEP PARENTING SUCKS if you rush into it...especially if you deal with loser Ex's and your H has full custody. Make sure you BOND well with the kids before marrying anyone with kids!!!!!


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