# Is it worth exposing anymore?



## notinkansasanymore (May 4, 2012)

Hi.
First of all I want to thank all of you posters, because all your advise has been extremely helpful to me and my H during this confusing and painful times.
We have been a couple for over 20 years and I found out he was having a ciberaffair. This had been going on for a few years, but they had not consumated. He promised to break it off and said he loved me... the hole 9 yards. I believed him at the moment, but something did not seem right and started to get suspicious again. I had access to his email an FB accounts, the ones he used to contact the OW only, and it seemed like she was trying to contact with no response from him. We then had to travel to our hometown (where she lives) and he promised he had no more contact and would not attempt to meet with her. He had planned to stay there longer than me, and while I was still there and asked if there was something still going on (something didn't feel right) he was very angry and said no. He said he had no interest in that anymore and he offered to come home early with me. I of course said I trusted him and he could stay. The reason for him to stay were his parents. I wanted to show my trust and I thought it would not be positive for our relationship to make him abandon them when they needed him. STUPID!!! ...You guessed right, they made it real, they consumated the affair even after he looked at me in the eye and said he wouldn't.
A couple of months went by and I still had that bad feeling, checked his phone continuosly an one good day...there it was, a "male contact"with a number from our hometown with a little heart and a flower in "his" profile (in whatsapp). DD#2!!
I felt the way only you know. I was too upset to confront him so i had some wine (I don't drink), so I got drunk preatty fast and he asked what was going on. I was so drunk that all I kept saying was "don't lie to me anymore, it hurts too much, I know you're lying and I can't take it anymore" and things like that. 
He promised to finish it off the next day, and he did (Via email).
Very fast after that I learned a lot more, part of out "total disclosure agreement". I learned that he had not only had sex with her, but he had had a few other affairs through our marriage. It was so hard to hear, but he was answering all my questions and he said that it made him realise that he was the kind of person he despises. He has shown regret and remorse and answered all my questions and done a lot of self work to understand himself and to start to change. 
I did not expose at the begining because i was so confused, but I am very angry at both of them (and myself) The other women are all in the past, live somewhere else and somehow they don;t matter anymore. We have discussed each case very thoroughly and I'm convinced that they are not relevant anymore, except for the fact that he had these type of need and he needs to resolve that.
This last one is different because it lasted a long time, because they consumated even after DD#1, etc, etc, etc.
This leaves me with anger and resentment towards her and not much against the other ones.
I see him struggle and we both are going through the toughest time of our lives for what he did. I can se his pain and feel mine and I know how we're fighting to survive this.
I keep thinking of her, in her wonderful world. Her husband and children thinking she's all sweet and lovely and yes... I think of her laughing at me. 
Do you know that when she received my H's email breaking it off after DD#2 (& knowing that it was me who now had access to my H's FB account) she posted this as her status: "The best thing in life is to do what you're told not to do"...?
I know she's laughing, I know she was 50% responsible of this pain and suffering.
I want to expose, but at the same time I don't want to complicate things more. I panick thinking that she might react by hurting my child or me further. I want her husband to know the kind of person she really is. I think she might be a serial cheater, I'm not sure, but I think she should be punished too.
I know it's wrong i know hate just hurts myself, but I still think about all this.
Should I exposse? Is it worth it?
Please give me some feedback, you all always have such positive advise to give.
I'm very sorry we are all betrayal buddies 
Thank you for reading, love
Sil


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Expose it. The more you expose it the more likely it iwll never happen again between those two. What about STDs? Her husband has to know for his own health. I also say the hell with them. And do not tell your husband. Just do it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Expose it. And do it without any warning to him.

Btw, I think you'll find his remorse false this time too. He's been cheating for a very long time without any guilt. This time he got caught and is playing his part nicely, but really ? After all the charting and lies you think he suddenly is cured of being a cheating rat?

He is a serial cheater, expose him and her and dump this guy out of your life. You really can and do deserve better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Put them both on CheaterVille. She won't be so smug when her profile pops up every time her name is googled.


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## ilgitano (Apr 2, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Expose it. The more you expose it the more likely it iwll never happen again between those two. What about STDs? Her husband has to know for his own health. I also say the hell with them. And do not tell your husband. Just do it.


This. Asap


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

I think if you have access to the OWs personal phone and such that you should out the affair. 

I found out about my husbands affair because someone sent me an anonymous letter. I was grateful to know. I bet her hubby will be too.

Also, the person who sent me the letter sent her husband letters, too. But he did not believe them according to the rumor Mill. The OW is an amazing liar. Really good at fibbing. 

Still now she is really locked down by him because he is suspicious. No more free time without him anymore. Also he is insisting that they make love more often. No more girls vacations or girl's night out.:rofl: 

I heard from rumors that she is miserable. 

I found texts on my husband's phone in which she was saying that her husband's body disgusted her.

If she was truly disgusted by him and his body then she must be in hell with all this dating and love making and extra attention he is insisting on giving her. :rofl:

And, she can't say no otherwise he will be more suspicious.


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

I exposed to the OMW 16 months after the fact. I only waited that long because I couldn't find her and her info. But the other spouse always deserves to know the truth about their marriage so they can make future decisions based on truths.


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