# Think wife may be cheating again!



## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

I found out my wife was cheating on me about a yr ago. I decided to give her a second chance after mc and ic. I'm really suspicious she may be up to it again. I can't figure out if I'm just paranoid now or if my suspicions are well placed. I really need to monitor her cell phone. I'm pretty sure she's messaging a particular guy but erases all messages before I could ever see them. I have good reason to suspect this. I've been looking at spy software to view deleted messages on her phone. Our deal now Is no locks on the phone and I can look anytime. But as I said I believe she is carefull to delete any private messages before I could see them. Anyone have experience with any of these programs. I've looked at flxispy and mspy so far. 

thx.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

What kind of phone the does she have? Have you checked the online call/text details?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Text the guy from her phone yourself and see what turns up


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Go online to your carriers website and look at usage. You should be able to see any numbers that have been texting. If you notice a particular number that is texting quite a bit, but her phone doesnt have a record of that number, well thats a huge red flag.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Trust your gut. It won't fail you.


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear. I would really like to see the messages she erases. I believe that would answer my question one way or the other. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

It's pretty bad when you have to parent a grown adult and educate them on proper use of a cell phone.

Is the guy local?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

It sounds like you did not set boundaries with her. No texting other men, period. Most of the time your gut reaction is right on the money.

Take her phone when she is a sleep and text him. It will pay off more then spyware. 

You are looking at the phone log how often is it? Call the guy and tell him to stay the f away from your wife. Go Alpha my friend


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

mahike said:


> It sounds like you did not set boundaries with her. No texting other men, period. Most of the time your gut reaction is right on the money.


Screw that. Tell her no texting anyone and shut the damn service off.

Texts are for teenagers.

Adults dial a number and talk to people like human beings.

If she's texting instead of talking she's hiding something.



> Take her phone when she is a sleep and text him. It will pay off more then spyware.


If he does not know the number or any secret systems they have in place (and many do) that is pointless and will just blow his cover wide open.



> You are looking at the phone log how often is it? Call the guy and tell him to stay the f away from your wife. Go Alpha my friend


Does that actually work? I don't know many men who would actually cower from a phone call... I know I wouldn't.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear. I would really like to see the messages she erases. I believe that would answer my question one way or the other. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


Is this the way you want to live? 

You don't need any smoking gun. She has already been caught cheating and you took her back. She is now acting suspiciously and feeding you BS excuses. If she truly had nothing to hide, why is she hiding something? A truly remorseful, reformed cheater (a rare animal) would go out of her way to act in ways to show you she has changed. She wouldn't be texting another man period. 

Again, is this the life you want?


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

just want some advice on good software to monitor her deleted texts. I know that will clear things up. If I'm off base I'm sure it'll become apparent before too long. If I'm on track it wont take long before it all becomes clear. I'm sure of it!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

zookeeper said:


> Is this the way you want to live?
> 
> You don't need any smoking gun. She has already been caught cheating and you took her back. She is now acting suspiciously and feeding you BS excuses. If she truly had nothing to hide, why is she hiding something? A truly remorseful, reformed cheater (a rare animal) would go out of her way to act in ways to show you she has changed. She wouldn't be texting another man period.
> 
> Again, is this the life you want?


:iagree:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> just want some advice on good software to monitor her deleted texts. I know that will clear things up. If I'm off base I'm sure it'll become apparent before too long. If I'm on track it wont take long before it all becomes clear. I'm sure of it!


rodphoto

I think you already know!

Trust your gut.

Just the fact she is erasing her messages tells you all you need to know.

Start making plans.

Reach out to weightlifter for help.

HM


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Well, you could do like I did with my WS from the start. I insisted that she not delete any of her texts; and if she did, I would know from reviewing the on-line detail, in combination with occasionally looking through her phone. She knows that if I find one she deleted, that I will assume the worst.

Two years later with finding no instances of deleted texts, has helped restore some trust; and now I only do this every few months or so.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

Would help if you said what kind of phone she has.


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

badmemory, she is pretty smart and after getting caught once she would be ultra carefull. She would find a way if she wanted to. I'm really not sure If I'm on base here. This infidelity has shaken my confidene and I feel as though I'm always suspicious.


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

an older iphone, 3-4 yrs old. I thing a 3g.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles had been reversed would she be so accepting and forgiving as you. It seems to me that she played you in the past and is playing you now.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You do not need any software. You know that she is texting another man. Set boundaries and tell her it is done. no more it ends now.

Calling this guy would send most AP's scurrying for cover. Do it in front of your wife. Tell the guy to stay out of your life. Tell your wife if this ever happens again their is the door.

Man up my friend


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

mahike said:


> You do not need any software. You know that she is texting another man. Set boundaries and tell her it is done. no more it ends now.
> 
> Calling this guy would send most AP's scurrying for cover. Do it in front of your wife. Tell the guy to stay out of your life. Tell your wife if this ever happens again their is the door.
> 
> Man up my friend


Exactly : 

a. she has a history of infidelity
b. she's texting another man 
c. she's deleting texts

You do not need software, you need a backbone.

Show her the door. Dont' ask her, show her the door.

If she heads to the door, you just dodged a bullet.

She will cheat on this guy too, turn her loose to do just that.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> badmemory, she is pretty smart and after getting caught once she would be ultra carefull. She would find a way if she wanted to. I'm really not sure If I'm on base here. This infidelity has shaken my confidene and I feel as though I'm always suspicious.


Why on earth do you need to actually catch her?

She is already cheating on you!

She's keeping secrets, she's deleting texts, she's talking to other men in secret.

That's cheating!

Tell her it stops now or don't hit your butt on the door on your way out.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. *She claims that she erases all her logged messages *to keep her phone clear. I would really like to see the messages she erases. I believe that would answer my question one way or the other. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


Tell her from now on, no more erasing texts. If she wants anything erased, she can let you do it. I told my wife this right off the bat. If she wanted to stay married to me, she wouldn't delete ANY MESSAGE of any kind. If she didn't want to stay married to me, go ahead and delete away. I told her any deleted message I would assume she had something to hide and I would be gone.

Why are you putting up with this from your wife who cheated on you?


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

OP is right. What if they are having a PA? If you confront, she might admit to an EA and promise to stop. Get the data then shock and awe. D if it's a PA. If you're ready to D for a PA, go ahead and confront now.

Shock and awe is a military doctrine based on the use of overwhelming power, *dominant battlefield awareness*, dominant maneuvers, and spectacular displays of force to paralyze an adversary's perception of the battlefield and destroy its will to fight.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> *a. She has a history of infidelity
> b. She's texting another man
> c. She's deleting texts*


*And this is helping your marriage how, rodphoto?*


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear. I would really like to see the messages she erases. I believe that would answer my question one way or the other. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


The fact that she is deleting texts to and from a GUY _after_ she's been caught cheating once already tells you all you need to know.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

rodphoto you are completely missing the point...

There is absolutely no reason why any married woman should carry on text conversations with a man she cheated with. That's a given. 

There is absolutely no reason why any married woman should carry on text conversations with ANY man other than her husband....PERIOD!


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Sorry, but all these posters saying "tell her no more or else!...." Really? Giving her ANOTHER chance? You know what that says to her? It says "I will continue to put up with you cheating". "I have no backbone, no boundaries, I will continue to let you treat me like **** on the bottom of your shoe". The fact she cheated at all in the first place should be grounds for you to show her the door. The fact that she continues to do so, and continues to deceive, lie and hide things from you, after you ALREADY gave her a second chance means you mean nothing at all to this "wife" of yours.

No more chances. Verify if you must (I don't see the relevance or need) and divorce her. Have some self respect. You deserve better than this, and you KNOW IT!


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> badmemory, she is pretty smart and after getting caught once she would be ultra carefull. She would find a way if she wanted to. I'm really not sure If I'm on base here. This infidelity has shaken my confidene and I feel as though I'm always suspicious.


Any cheating spouse can find a way to cheat if they're smart enough. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't make it as difficult for her as possible. Not so much for preventing it, but as for knowing about it as soon as possible. 

It's basically a three part strategy. One part is accepting *nothing* less than full transparency; two, is making her believe that you will leave if she doesn't demonstrate it; and three, is strategically timed covert surveillance - for as long as you have doubts.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I agree with the others in saying what more do you need. She should not be deleting anything after infidelity and never carrying on conversations with men. 

Here is a list, you can always find other reviews...

Cell Phone Monitoring Software Review 2014 | Best Mobile Phone Tracker | Text Message Monitoring - TopTenREVIEWS


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I've been an AT&T user for years. You can go to their website and see who is being texted from which phones on your account. An iPhone 3G or GS with 8 GB of memory "might" need texts delted once in a while, but our D24 has one and sends over 2000 a month. 

Look on the AT&T site (I'm guessing other cell carriers provide the same service) and see which numbers are being texted to. You can't read the texts there, but you can get the number. If you have the time, you can compare existing texts on the phone with ones that don't show up (ones listed on the AT&T site). There's your number. Call it. See who answers. If it's a guy, you have your answer. And you may be able to do a reverse phone number look-up online. Might cost you $5, big deal. You'll have his name, probably his address, and you can google his name from there to find out where he lives. Give him a visit. 

Or.... drop the D papers in your WW's lap and tell her to get the eff out. 

Either way, that way you'll know for sure what's what.


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## OlderAndWiser (Apr 17, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> *I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts.* :scratchhead: She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear. I would really like to see the messages she erases. I believe that would answer my question one way or the other. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


So why the h haven't you just told her that she is no longer to text this person? Your plan is to figure out a way to see the deleted texts. Why don't you tell her its him or you? 

I don't get it.....


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I agree with you. I think your wife is cheating again also.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

You probably already have your proof. Why delete the texts if there is nothing wrong with what she is saying with the guy. The real question for you is why put up with even this much if she has already done this before. She is going to continue to play with you as long as you let her. Cheaters are famous for blaming the BS and hiding there deceit. 

I played this game for years with my xW. I finally got to the point I did not care. Your going to be pushed to this point as well. Even if she is not trying to cheat you will be watching and driving yourself crazy but at this point in time It sure looks like she is. 

Clay


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If there were no consequences, your cheating wife has no reason to change. My ex cheater continued to cheat on every guy she crawled into the sack with after we split and cheated her way into being homeless.
In spite of this, I still wouldn't trust her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> Exactly :
> 
> a. she has a history of infidelity
> b. she's texting another man
> ...


Really? "_Show her the door?_" What if she refused to go? That would then weaken his position. 

And if he tries to use force to "show her the door" he gets himself taken to jail on charges of domestic abuse and violence and she then gets a court order barring him from his house!

OP: Get legal advice.

And do a search on Cheaterville for the name of the OM.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

OP wants to see the deleted texts. People keep posting "why do you want to see it? You have all you need." He obviously doesn't or he wouldn't be asking the question. He is entitled to get whatever evidence he wants. If I were him, I would want to see the texts as well. 

OP, once you see the deleted texts (if by some miracle she isn't cheating on you and you take her back) you should listen to the other posters advice about setting guidelines. Let her know that deleting ANY texts in the future should be an admission on her part that she is cheating on you again.


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## Alecto (Sep 16, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Tell her from now on, no more erasing texts. If she wants anything erased, she can let you do it. I told my wife this right off the bat. If she wanted to stay married to me, she wouldn't delete ANY MESSAGE of any kind. If she didn't want to stay married to me, go ahead and delete away. I told her any deleted message I would assume she had something to hide and I would be gone.
> 
> Why are you putting up with this from your wife who cheated on you?


This is the only workable attitude to have. There's no reason for her to be deleting texts. Clearing out the log sounds like a good cover-up story, but it's not the actions of a remorseful spouse working hard at a better marriage.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

She's already been caught cheating once and is now working on number 2 affair. She isn't a very smart woman by deleting the texts because that's where most people check first.

So if she isn't really that smart, what does that make you friend? Come on, nobody wants to see you used as a doormat. 

What you should do is text her and let her know that the divorce papers are in the mail and see if she trashes that text. Then go through with it.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

badmemory said:


> Well, you could do like I did with my WS from the start. I insisted that she not delete any of her texts; and if she did, I would know from reviewing the on-line detail, in combination with occasionally looking through her phone. She knows that if I find one she deleted, that I will assume the worst.
> 
> Two years later with finding no instances of deleted texts, has helped restore some trust; and now I only do this every few months or so.


Yep. :iagree:


/also no texting guys that I don't know and the ones I do know, as above, don't delete and keep them at a minimum.


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## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

Your instincts are telling you something is up and you found deleted texts, I would have already decided she's cheating.


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## littlesweetling (Feb 16, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear. I would really like to see the messages she erases. I believe that would answer my question one way or the other. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


That is the excuse my husband used when he was hiding things. He wanted to keep his phone cleaned off and computer email cleaned out. Not until he finally came clean did he quit deleting things... no deleting allowed! Lost the privilege when he broke my trust. You need to tell her no more deleting text or phone calls.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Tests don't slow down a phone. A 3g iphone in particular.


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

I thought there was some way iPhones backup to the computer and even deleted texts get saved in some sort of file in the computer. Several users have caught their spouses this way. Good old apple, always thinking for its customers.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> I found out my wife was cheating on me about a yr ago. I decided to give her a second chance after mc and ic. I'm really suspicious she may be up to it again. I can't figure out if I'm just paranoid now or if my suspicions are well placed. I really need to monitor her cell phone. I'm pretty sure she's messaging a particular guy but erases all messages before I could ever see them. I have good reason to suspect this. I've been looking at spy software to view deleted messages on her phone. Our deal now Is no locks on the phone and I can look anytime. But as I said I believe she is carefull to delete any private messages before I could see them. Anyone have experience with any of these programs. I've looked at flxispy and mspy so far.
> 
> thx.



You have already given her a second chance only 1 year ago. Now she is already playing games. This should be an IMMEDIATE DEAL BREAKER !

Forget finding the texts. She should NOT be texting men like this for ANY REASON ! PERIOD !

You simply say to her the following : "I gave you the gift of R, and this is what you did with it ! I want you out of my life."


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

hookares said:


> In spite of this, I still wouldn't trust her.


LOL.


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## Brokenman85 (Jul 24, 2013)

Divorce her. Do not waste any more of your life. You will be sorry if you don't do it now. I had a wife the same way. 

She cheated pre-marriage and she was "Soooo sorry" and "would never do it again". I dumped her for a week but took her back. 

She then kissed a guy not even 6 months after our wedding. Again she was soooo sorry and it wouldn't happen again. 

Guess what? It did. About a year later I found her having an emotional affair via Text messaging. 

This time I kicked her out for 2 weeks and threatened divorce. She begged and begged me to take her back.

This time was different though according to her. "We could use this to make our marriage stronger than ever." LMAO...I believed her and took her back. BIG MISTAKE.

2 years later....I leave for work for 2 weeks and come home and she informs me she is leaving ME. She was having an affair the whole time I was gone and probably before as well.

She came up with some BS reasons for leaving me to protect her own a$$. I had to snoop around to find the truth.

See the pattern? Don't get sucked into this man. Cheaters are ALL the same. She will repeat this in the future. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She is a selfish, lying, manipulative POS, just like my EX. Run while you can. 

I know it hurts and you don't want to throw away the time you have invested. I thought the same thing. Sooner or later she might(probably) be gone and NOT by your choice. Leave now while YOU have the power.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Rod, unless her phone is a 10 year old Nokia, then she has no reason to clear texts. Or rather, no reason to delete texts at THAT kind of pace. I know with my older Android phones my text loads would start to impact the phone once I had 10,000ish or more texts on the device, but to say that all texts must be deleted within hours is either a boldface LIE or someone has given her some incredibly false information. 

As far as looking for "spy" software or apps that can "undelete" her texts, don't even worry about them. Here's the thing, if she is just completely fooled into believing that texts really can slow down a phone, to the point that they need deleted within hours, then she's just a fool and needs to be corrected. Of course, for that scenario to hold water, so too would the following need to be true:

A. She'd have to be deleting ALL of her texts, all the time, not just from this one guy.
B. You said she is very tech savvy, but apparently not savvy enough to disbelieve this ridiculous notion that dozens/hundreds/thousands of texts could substantially slow down a device.
C. A & B would have to be so incredibly true and important to her that she'd value some tiny perceived speed improvement in her phone over the commitment she made to you to be open and honest about her phone, considering the promise she made to not lock it and turn it over to you at any time because of her past misuse of the device.

So if you believe those things to be true, then don't worry about the spy software and what not. If you feel that she is BSing you, which we here know the odds are probably 99% that she is, then you still don't need to mess with those apps. They are too easy to screw up, fail, or tip off the user (your wife) that you are trying to snoop. Just go login to your carriers website and view/download the list of calls/texts she is sending/recieving. See exactly how much she is talking to this guy (or others) first. One thing you might pay extra attention to is if any of those messages include picture messages going either way. I HIGHLY doubt she is actually deleting EVERY SINGLE TEXT she receives from EVERYONE, EVERY single day. If not, then you'll see how her "delete texts to keep phone from slowing down" only applies when the texts are to/from other men.

You could go tell her that you've done the research and there is absolutely no harm in her leaving her texts on there. Unless she is sending/receiving 20,000 texts a day, there is no reason to delete with that kind of frequency. The trouble is, you'll just be tipping her off that you are very suspicious and she'll probably just go further underground. Having the phone records proves that she's communicating with other men at an inappropriate amount for a married woman, so that might help.


Unfortunately, deleting texts is one of the earliest and definitive signs of inappropriate behavior. It doesn't necessarily mean, "AFFAIR" but it almost always means that he/she has crossed a marital line of some kind. Start digging further, look for more evidence, consider a voice activated recorder in her car, and prepare your case.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

A phone plan typically has a record of the phone numbers of the texts sent and recieved.

Get that and you have your answer.

Your gut is telling you the truth.

My phone records hundreds of texts before it get full. So did my wife's phone. I also had access to our phone records. She got smarter and got a burner phone.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Hmm, I dunno. Have a phone I bought one year ago and it fills up the texts pretty quickly. I have to delete sometimes in the middle of a conversation. Maybe because I have pictures and they take up the minimal memory on the thing. When I had a 32GB iPhone, it never filled up.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

doubletrouble said:


> Hmm, I dunno. Have a phone I bought one year ago and it fills up the texts pretty quickly. I have to delete sometimes in the middle of a conversation. Maybe because I have pictures and they take up the minimal memory on the thing. When I had a 32GB iPhone, it never filled up.


Ok, I said "10 year old Nokia" earlier when what I really meant was "cheap, crappy dumbphone" regardless of how old it is. Basically any phone you can buy without a contract that costs less than $30 or $40. But with those phones, the memory used by texts cannot be used for other functions on the phone, so while the text memory might get filled up and require deletion from time to time, they can't slow down that phone any more than it already is for being a crappy phone.

So really in any case, deleting texts BECAUSE having too many texts slows down the phone is mostly a lie. You'd have to have tens of thousands for that to be an issue, and it would be a minor one. Deleting texts on a daily basis, especially if it's mostly just texts from one or two people, is about as big of a red flag as you can find.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Really? "_Show her the door?_" What if she refused to go? That would then weaken his position.


Show her the door. If she refuses to leave, then he at least knows he has a freeloader in his home and can deal with it.



MattMatt said:


> And if he tries to use force to "show her the door" he gets himself taken to jail on charges of domestic abuse and violence and she then gets a court order barring him from his house!


No one is suggesting he get aggressive. "show her" means just that, show her the door. No one said "throw her out the door."



> And do a search on Cheaterville for the name of the OM.


What's the point in that again?

So he is on CV.. so what? Write him a fan mail letter? lol


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

cdbaker said:


> Ok, I said "10 year old Nokia" earlier when what I really meant was "cheap, crappy dumbphone" regardless of how old it is. Basically any phone you can buy without a contract that costs less than $30 or $40. But with those phones, the memory used by texts cannot be used for other functions on the phone, so while the text memory might get filled up and require deletion from time to time, they can't slow down that phone any more than it already is for being a crappy phone.
> 
> So really in any case, deleting texts BECAUSE having too many texts slows down the phone is mostly a lie. You'd have to have tens of thousands for that to be an issue, and it would be a minor one. Deleting texts on a daily basis, especially if it's mostly just texts from one or two people, is about as big of a red flag as you can find.


Let me clarify. I bought a Pantech at the AT&T store. It's on a contract with AT&T, and it's a POS phone, yes. I bought it that way because I didn't want a smart phone. It has internet but I don't use it. I only wanted to make calls and texts. But... it has a camera and ours has been out of service so we use that now too. 

I haven't read yet what OPs spouse has been using. Like I said about the iPhone, it was impossible to stop. You could text till the cows came home (assuming the cows have iPhones) and it wouldn't fill up.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

This has probably been mentioned before, but if an iPhone user texts another iPhone user they show up as iMessages and do not count as texts and do not show up on your billing statement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Ugh. Respectfully, Peeps, perhaps he wants proof cause he wants to be sure before divorcing and launching her for distance.

OP. Look up the history of user refuse to be played. He mentions certain programs for phones in many posts.

Look up syncing her phone to itunes.

There was a recent thread where someone went thru it step by step with pics. Where was that post.

In this forum there is an evidence gathering thread. Your answer is likely there.

Have youl looked for a burner phone?
Done VARS? If you go that route i can be of great assistance there.
Keylogged the comp?
Have you looked for apps like words with friends or snapchat?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Found it. Thread. Wifes texts while she is on the road. Poster. philly13.
Step by step.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/145866-wifes-texts-while-she-road-8.html

Good Memory WL.

OP. If i did this right the above is a link to the thread by phillyguy13. Look for a post by lordmayhem page 7 or 8 I think.

I think this is what you want.

Good luck
WD


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> I found out my wife was cheating on me about a yr ago. I decided to give her a second chance after mc and ic. I'm really suspicious she may be up to it again.


So tell me .... why in the name of god do you want to stay with someone who is hell bent on humiliating you?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hey that's me! I will say I had a lot of trouble with finding the files on the computer. I tried my own phone on my own laptop.  Couldn't find the files. I do have to admit I'm not the most tech savvy person ( though much more so over the past 6 weeks) 

We have the newest iPhones. We both rarely connect our phones to our computers. We both back up to our iCloud accounts. There are programs this can access your iCloud accounts but that just gives you your phone records -- which I can get through Verizon -- and undeleted imessages, which I can get over her phone anyway.

Long story short, I came up empty on both my laptop as I tested it and on her laptop when she wasn't home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> Show her the door. If she refuses to leave, then he at least knows he has a freeloader in his home and can deal with it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You can add extra details on to his Cheaterville listing. TAM member Chris put his wife's lover on there. And someone who knows the POSOM was able to add more details.

Now every time people search for the award-winning local hero, guess what? They learn he's also a POSOM, too!

And as they say, forewarned is forearmed.

The more data OP collects, the better.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> This has probably been mentioned before, but if an iPhone user texts another iPhone user they show up as iMessages and do not count as texts and do not show up on your billing statement.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I could certainly be wrong, but I didn't think that is how imessage works. I thought you actually have to be using the imessage app for them to be sent/received as imessages. If you (or she) are using the text mate app, then they will be texts regardless of whether you or the recipient have an iphone or not.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Ugh. Respectfully, Peeps, perhaps he wants proof cause he wants to be sure before divorcing and launching her for distance.


:iagree: the evidence would be for the OP, for closure purposes. Give the guy a break.


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## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

cdbaker said:


> Rod, unless her phone is a 10 year old Nokia, then she has no reason to clear texts. Or rather, no reason to delete texts at THAT kind of pace. I know with my older Android phones my text loads would start to impact the phone once I had 10,000ish or more texts on the device, but to say that all texts must be deleted within hours is either a boldface LIE or someone has given her some incredibly false information.
> 
> As far as looking for "spy" software or apps that can "undelete" her texts, don't even worry about them. Here's the thing, if she is just completely fooled into believing that texts really can slow down a phone, to the point that they need deleted within hours, then she's just a fool and needs to be corrected. Of course, for that scenario to hold water, so too would the following need to be true:
> 
> ...


This is exactly what I thought. Who has a smartphone and yet feels the need to delete SOME text messages everyday? Someone who hides something, that's who. I have not clear all of messages for a year and my smartphone works just fine.Then again, I don't have time for daily hundred texts either. 

OP, you don't really believe your wife's bullsh*t do you? You KNOW why she is deleting messages, particularly from that guy. If your wife really just needs to delete ALL of her messages from time to time because she texts too much, ask yourself...what kind of a grown up texts like a teenager?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

rodphoto said:


> I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. *She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear*. I would really like to see the messages she erases. *I believe that would answer my question one way or the other*. I don't see any other way right now. So I'm willing to resort to cell phone monitoring software. I'm just looking for anyone who has had experience using such software and some recommendations.


This is complete bullsh!t on her part, and I agree with everyone else. It's quite obvious that she's taken the affair underground and refuses to be transparent. With that said, it seems you need even further proof before you have the will to act, so I will post the various programs that you can use to access the backup file. This backup file is created every time you sync an iPhone to iTunes on the computer. Since she has an iPhone 3 or 3GS, this is very easy.

*Decipher TextMessage*

How to save / export SMS messages to your computer. Windows or Mac. Decipher TextMessage.










Decipher TextMessage is probably the best since it can recover even iMessages.

*iPhone Backup Extractor*

iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac










*MobileSyncBrowser
for Mac + PC*

MobileSyncBrowser | View and Recover your iPhone data










You can try these programs, HOWEVER, if she's using a texting APP (example: tiger text, etc), then these programs will not be able to recover those because they use data only, and they will not show up on the phone bill and they are not stored on the phone.


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

Thx to all who helped with what i was asking for, finding evidence. Everone else.... i hear what your saying but its not helping. Im a pretty resourcefull and confident guy..... ill find out if she is up to something... if she is it would be game over!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Sounds like she is playing games with you. Children do this not adults. Tell her flat out stop what you're doing or I will just assume you're at it again and I will walk. For me after the infidelity I would've left, I want to foster a relationship not waste my time on this. Life is too short. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

She is lying.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

How did you get away with marrying a child?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Backup her iphone into itunes, set the backup to local computer disk. Look for the MobileSync directory. Search the web for where the directory should be on your type of the computer.

See LordMayhem (post 63 above) for instruction to extract the deleted texts. Or, search the web on how to extract the texts.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

If it is iPhone, you need to jailbreak them to install spyware.

And an above poster was right, cdbaker I think. Spyware is quite easy to find, particularly if there is virus security. Spyware shows up as a threat.

However, if seeing the texts is all you need and you don't care if you get caught because by then you will have evidence, go for it! Many good spy software offer a free week. 

I used mobile spy. It was pretty good, though I didn't set the gps settings correctly and it drained his battery and data. He was very suspicious. Also, the sending a secret text to receive gps coordinates didn't work and he just received the text. Asked me WTF it was. I played dumb but he isn't stupid. 

Ask if you need more detailed info.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> Thx to all who helped with what i was asking for, finding evidence. Everone else.... i hear what your saying but its not helping. Im a pretty resourcefull and confident guy..... ill find out if she is up to something... if she is it would be game over!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You should add the requirement to *not delete any texts* for your reconciliation. That way you can verify every text sent on the phone against the logs. Seems the most logical and easiest option to me. If she does not agree to this, you know what that means.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP. Good luck. If you need tech help. Ive done it for others here.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

CouldItBeSo said:


> You should add the requirement to *not delete any texts* for your reconciliation. That way you can verify every text sent on the phone against the logs. Seems the most logical and easiest option to me. If she does not agree to this, you know what that means.


I think he already had this as a requirement.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

You know the truth, why wait. Time to step up and defend yourself and your marriage. 

If she loves you, she will show you. 

She expects you to be weak again.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> I think he already had this as a requirement.


If that's true, then he should be filing right now.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> I think he already had this as a requirement.


Which leads to the question, "What's he going to do if he finds out she indeed is back at her old shenanigans?" If he's a paper tiger, she has nothing to fear.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

rodphoto said:


> Thx to all who helped with what i was asking for, finding evidence. Everone else.... i hear what your saying but its not helping. Im a pretty resourcefull and confident guy..... ill find out if she is up to something... if she is it would be game over!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What does that mean exactly? Did you find anything in the back up files or not? She continues to delete texts - this already shows she doesn't want to be transparent. People have called you on this, how is this not helping?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> What does that mean exactly? Did you find anything in the back up files or not? She continues to delete texts - this already shows she doesn't want to be transparent. People have called you on this, how is this not helping?


Sigh-LordM you can lead a horse to water...
I hope he sees the light so to speak.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> I found out my wife was cheating on me about a yr ago. I decided to give her a second chance after mc and ic. I'm really suspicious she may be up to it again.


I'd trust your gut. Its probably right. And its obvious your wife isn't doing anything to assure you she isn't. My question is, why do you even want to bother with her? You shouldn't have to put up with her still being in contact with the OM.

Tell me, is the other man married? Have you seriously thought of divorcing her? I can tell you from my experience, divorcing a cheating woman is the best thing I could have done. Don't have to worry about someone who becomes insignificant to me.

And I'm having more fun out there in the dating world. Its awesome. Just think about it seriously.


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

FYI! Want to search deleted messages on your wifes iphone? Go on spotlight search! Punch in common cheating words. Anything sexual. I just did and bingo! Shes busted again and my marriage is over! I have 3 young kids and i cant believe she has done it again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Rod photo it am sorry for your situation. However now you know the truth and have a goal. 

See lawyer ASAP and get the ball rolling 
Get checked for stds to take care of yourself
Do a 180 and do it for you. 
Remove this toxic spouse from your life. 
Protect yourself and your kids. 
Stay active workout and make sure you eat right. It does help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry to hear it. What is your plan?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

SAVE YOUR EVIDENCE OFFSITE AND TWO PLACES! get a flash drive and a safe deposit box for one of them.

NOW!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Have you confronted her?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> SAVE YOUR EVIDENCE OFFSITE AND TWO PLACES! get a flash drive and a safe deposit box for one of them.
> 
> NOW!


This asap^^^
Plus I'm so sorry this happened.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OKay rodphoto,

You ignored the advice about confronting her immediately and it paid off. Well done. You've got your smoking gun.

I hope this will give you some closure and you can now act decisively. Sounds like it will be D and no looking back. I don't blame you. Not too many WS's deserve a third chance.

When you have a minute, I'd love to know the details. They might come in handy for me or others down the road.

Keep posting for advice and stay strong.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

badmemory said:


> OKay rodphoto,
> 
> You ignored the advice about confronting her immediately and it paid off. Well done. You've got your smoking gun.
> 
> ...


She would have shot him down on day 1. Now, he has the evidence. Get a pic of the OM and paperclip it to a folder with your proof. Hitting a WW with a folder and a pic of the OM seems to have a stronger effect on making the WW confess. Not perfect but increases your odds.

You could do this before or after the divorce papers. Before the papers may let you get a confession if you want it to connect the dots.

Sorry you are here.
At least you can walk away head held high. It was NOT you!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Generically who is the OM?
When did it pick up again?
Sorry but if you would be willing, I would like to ask some logistical questions like that of you. It helps me coach people better. Basically I am the head of the CIA here.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

rodphoto said:


> FYI! Want to search deleted messages on your wifes iphone? Go on spotlight search! Punch in common cheating words. Anything sexual. I just did and bingo! Shes busted again and my marriage is over! I have 3 young kids and i cant believe she has done it again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 The minute that you told us that "I know she has been texting this guy and she admits to erasing the texts. She claims that she erases all her logged messages to keep her phone clear." we all knew that she was cheating again. Logic tells us that there is no reason to be deleting text messages to conserve space on an iPhone. Text messages take up so little space relative to the memory of any iPhone, that deleting text message to supposedly keep it clear does not make any sense, yet cheaters persist in repeating this common lie. Cheater refuse to allow you to use logic when combating their lies.

I am very sorry that you are here. Good luck and be well. This will pass and your life will be better.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> FYI! Want to search deleted messages on your wifes iphone? Go on spotlight search! Punch in common cheating words. Anything sexual. I just did and bingo! Shes busted again and my marriage is over! I have 3 young kids and i cant believe she has done it again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Am so sorry to hear it, rod. Crushing news.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Get more solid proof.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Man that is tough Rod. Sorry you are going through this.

Hang in there, think things through before acting, and if you are unsure of something make sure you fly it by us here before taking action. 

Let us know some detals once you get your head together.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Talk about following the script by the numbers.

The cheater pretends to be remorseful, waits for the dust to settle, then takes the affair underground.

This is why you need complete transparency. In this case, the cheater was erasing her texts, claiming to need to clear the memory. That was a huge red flag that she was not being transparent. This is also why you should not proceed to R right away. No matter how remorseful you think they are, they must prove they are remorseful over a period of time until you feel secure again. This is the biggest mistake I see by BSs here. They proceed to try and R right away when their WS has not yet proven that they are worthy of R and the BS has not used all the tools at their disposal to verify NC.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Yes before you confront get more solid Info:

Guys full name 
address
if he is married or GF
and more
try and get the old text messages


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

Already confronted. The deleted texts were pretty graphic and damning. There was no denying. She confessed and gave me all the details i asked for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

rodphoto said:


> Already confronted. The deleted texts were pretty graphic and damning. There was no denying. She confessed and gave me all the details i asked for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's sad but you got closure.
UGH


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

was if full on PA?

I am sorry I know your head is spinning right now.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Was it the same guy as before?
Is the pos married?
After you take care what needs to be done go scorched earth on his @ss.


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## rodphoto (Jan 8, 2013)

Different guy this time. A co worker. He's not married. Btw im not familiar with all these terms. What is PA?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Physical Affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Physical Affair (PA) versus Emotional Affair (EA)


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

rodphoto said:


> Different guy this time. A co worker. He's not married. Btw im not familiar with all these terms. What is PA?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So now there's OM2. 

Seems kinda useless having the link to the newbie thread in my signature, because some don't bother to click on it.

A = Affair
AP = Affair Partner
BH = Betrayed Husband
BNO = Boys Night Out
BW = Betrayed Wife
BS = Betrayed Spouse
DDay = Discovery Day
DW = Disloyal Wife
DH = Disloyal Husband
DS = Disloyal Spouse
D = Divorce
EA = Emotional Affair
fWW = Former Wayward Wife
fWH = Former Wayward Husband
fWS = Former Wayward Spouse
GNO = Girls Night Out
IC = Individual Counselling
ILYBINILWY = I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You
KISA = Knight In Shining Armor
LS = Loyal Spouse
MC = Marriage Counselling
OM = Other Man
ONS = One Night Stand
OW = Other Woman
OMW = Other Man’s Wife
OSF = Opposite Sex Friend
OWH = Other Woman’s Husband
PA = Physical Affair
R = Reconciliation
RA = Revenge Affair
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad
STBXH = Soon To Be Ex Husband
STBXW = Soon To Be Ex Wife
TF = Toxic Friend(s)
TT = Trickle Truth
VAR = Voice Activated Recorder
WW = Wayward Wife
WH = Wayward Husband
WS = Wayward Spouse


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

I've always wondered if there is a difference or need for DW and WW. Essentially the same thing?


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Sorry to hear that this has happened again, I guess you have solid proof of just what she thinks of you, your marriage and your family.

No one here can tell you what to do every situation is different but you should be commended for trying to R the first time, she made this decision after you gave her one more chance and you told her what the consequences would be if it happened again.

She may have been able to say the first instance of cheating was because of your marriage issues that both of you were responsible for but this is all her and her alone. 

Who can she blame now?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior.

She will cheat again. I hope you find a good attorney to help you with your divorce.

She does not seem to respect you or she is extremely selfish. 

Sorry you are going thru this again. I hope you do not have to have this experience again in your life. 

Did you have her sign an agreement that if she cheated again, that you got custody, and did not have to pay alimony?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> Different guy this time. A co worker. He's not married. Btw im not familiar with all these terms. What is PA?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


expose them at their work


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

*Re: Re: Think wife may be cheating again!*



CASE_Sensitive said:


> I've always wondered if there is a difference or need for DW and WW. Essentially the same thing?


OT: when I first got here, some members were still using DW/DH. I noticed that acronym was being used in other forums as well.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

manticore said:


> expose them at their work


At least put him on cheaterville and send the link to his superiors.

Expose to close friends and family where you deem it appropiate so she can't spin some bs plus you will need some support.
I hope you exposed the first fling.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

So... what are you gonna do?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

manticore said:


> expose them at their work


Bad idea if he is divorcing. Getting her fired may up his alimony.

Now exposure to everyone else, especially her family.... INCOMING!


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

When you expose, make sure to do it a way that does not make you look crazy. People will understand you are hurt and angry, but select your words carefully. Maintain your integrity. Share the dirty details only with those you are comfortable with. This is not a time to punish your wife with vile words to her peers, even though she deserves it. Come out on top.

I disagree a bit with weightlifter. Personally, I would get her fired. That's the punishment I would exact, but that's just me looking at all of things in hindsight. Alimony payments are complicated things and can change over time. I think the more you take a "don't F with me" stance, the happier you will be. In the end, money is money. Money can't buy you self respect or justice. 

Search deep within yourself. You know who you are, be stronger than you feel right now.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

rodphoto said:


> FYI! Want to search deleted messages on your wifes iphone? Go on spotlight search! Punch in common cheating words. Anything sexual. I just did and bingo! Shes busted again and my marriage is over! I have 3 young kids and i cant believe she has done it again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very sorry.. I know its painful regardless. 

The cheating spouse just have zero clue or understanding how painful and damaging this is to their partner.. 

I hope you can move swiftly through this and move on with your life.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Hey we agree on everything but the work part. 

Let the OP decide, maybe find out from a lawyer. Problem with lawyers tho is they do the legal part and the easy part.

IE the often say dont expose at all.

I guess I would
expose to family
ask lawyer about expose at work and dollar amounts
do what lawyer says.
That way the family is exposed before the lawyer says dont.

Fun is fun but not at a thousand a month.


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