# Minds made up....



## HNM4317 (Oct 13, 2012)

I have been married now coming on 5 years. I have two young boys. One is 3 1/2 and the other 2 1/2. Lately since our recent move, I've been having intense feelings of not wanting to be married any longer. My relationship with my spouse has been focused mostly around our jobs. We both work in the medical field and when I first met him, we were both employeed at a private ambulance company. I found him quiet intellegent. Not nessecarily attractive, but was able to over look it. He is a good guy in some respects he is not. He has never been violent to me or our children. But with in the last 3 months, I have began evaluating my situation and some major events that have happened in our relationship. When my oldest son was 6 months old, I found out that we were pregnant again. I was in Nursing School at the time. The pregnancy was unplanned and occured at terrible timing. When I told my spouse the pregnancy, he told me that he wanted me to have an abortion. I have deep values regarding the subject of abortion and am strongly against it. I was 29, with a child already, had a good job and what I thought a supportive husband. For the next 4 1/2 months, it was a complete nightmare. Comments about it when I felt ill, questions about giving the baby up for adoption, to me "knocking myself up due to him wanting a vasectomy". We all know it takes two to get pregnant and I was on contraceptives at the time. Aside from this insane request from someone who should love me, we have absolutely nothing in common. We never talked about the significant aspects of marriage that make it function. We never talked about parenting or raising a family. Even though our first child was planned, the rationale was because he was begining to feeling old. He has very little communication skills and when he tries, he is inappropriate to my female friends or the subject of topic is "work". I have tried many times to engage in conversation or talk about parenting with no prevail. With all these emotions had lead me to fall out of love. I have lost my love for him. I have told him about these feelings. I have told him that I want a separation. I have been trying to distance myself physically and since I have, I have not missed him. I have not been intimate with him in about 2 months and the physical attraction is gone. He wants to do counsiling and I know that nothing is going to change my mind. 

My question for you is, "What would you do in my situation?"


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Don't waste time with a man you no longer love.


----------



## HNM4317 (Oct 13, 2012)

Thank you for your opinions. We did got to MC after my youngest was born. We were able to express our feelings at the time and try to come to a middle ground. This worked for sometime along with the use of religion. Yet I feel and see in the home with the relationship with my children and spouse presents that it has not resolved. He disciplines our oldest harder than our youngest. Uses corporal punishment more with our oldest than the youngest and the oldest child was planned. There are other issues that I have been battling. He has tried selling my truck multiple times with out telling me, he had posted a listing for belongings left after our move and never told me so I filed a stolen property police report. I never knew till I found out a month later. Our communication is poor and always revolved around his work. We have spent very little time as a family i.e. vacations, day trips, etc. It is just recently that I have told him how I am feeling, so I have been around him for months and have had no feelings.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> Don't waste time with a man you no longer love.


Good advice


----------



## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Move on. Cut your loses now so to speak while you're both young. Life is too short to not be happy.The little one and the one soon to be born will be very resilient and will adapt. 

Raising children in an unhappy home would be worse for them than a happy home with two parents being sperated IMHO.

Good luck with whatever decision the both of you decide to make.


----------

