# in the early stages



## someguy888 (May 15, 2010)

I hesitate on how much to post here as it may be identifiable by my wife but here goes. Let me also caveat this by saying I'm not really looking for the obvious answers here. I know what those are. I'm not looking for answers really but support.

I've been married for awhile, have kids and recently have discovered how unhappy I am in my marriage. I know, I know. It's not about emotion. But let's just say that I have decided that I deserve to be happy and with someone I actually want to be with. I feel that life is too short to live this way. I have my entire life ahead of me still is how I feel and do not want a bad decision that I made in my past as to who to marry affect me forever. I feel that I deserve better.

The problems in my marriage are so numerous, I never could really see them. I've suspected after only being married a few years that I made a mistake. I am so stubborn that I just kept on going on. I am just starting to talk about these problems with my wife but know deep down that there is no getting around some of them. In a way, I know its over. No affairs but problems such as irresponsibility, no nurturing and not resolving pretty much anything over the years (to name a few... and these aren't the biggest). My wife has actually never tried to talk to me about any of these problems in our marriage. Neither had I until recently.

It wasn't until I met an OW online through really just chance that I am aware of all of this. It has just been emails, no flirting. My wife found some of the emails and agrees there's nothing going on. Through really this other friendship, I was able to self-reflect and realize how miserable I was and my marriage was. I am going to therapy which has helped a lot. I guess I was able to discover how wonderful another relationship could be as simple as friendship and was able to see my marriage from another point of view (through the friendship)... although we never talked about my marriage. Let me establish that I had hints of these problems in the past but they never were this obvious until now. In my talk with my wife, she agreed about the severity of the issues.

I am committed to not having a physical affair with anyone for that matter. Although it's been a friendship with the OW, I have become emotionally involved. She hasn't. I've recently told her how I felt and asked how she felt. I haven't yet heard back but deep down I know it's just me that has made it into something more. I am broken-hearted yet glad that, through the whole thing, the light has been turned onto my marital problems. I am glad that I have discovered I deserve someone better.

I will work on things both with my wife together and through counseling yet I know how I feel deep down and how I want to end it. I actually feel happier now and have hope for the future. I actually don't want to be married. Don't know if I will ever want to be married again because I now know how hard it is. I feel for my kids. I want to co-parent them with my wife (if it comes to that) and never want to say move far away or not be there for them.

Thanks in advance for any support you can offer me during this time.


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