# In limbo



## Guest (Apr 15, 2021)

N/a


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Unravel things to get mental and emotional clarity. It appears that you married the wrong guy.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You keep saying he us controlling and self centered.

I see him trying not to break, and to be bowled over by you.

Men are meant to be partners, not obediant robots.

On buying things on his own?

Why ask, when you will just say no? He feels the need to be a man, not your garden tool.

He is not innocent in all this strife, I'm sure.

When angry, logic takes a back seat.

You need to stay single for a long while.

I suggest anti-anxiety meds.

There comes a point in a man's life were sex will no longer hold him, or have value. You are likely a very attractive woman (my guess).


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Zenzen said:


> .... In heated moments I would become physical or break things.. I have no excuse for my toxic behavior but I believe it all stemmed from him not wanting to attend church anymore and wasn’t important to him how we would be spiritually fed together....


So....you wouldn't have hit him if he'd just done what you wanted? Look what he made you do? 

Yeah, you deserved to have the cops called on you.

The first thing you need to do, OP, is get into therapy _for yourself_. You need to reach a point in your emotional growth that you really understand and internalize that what you said above is **********. Your toxic behavior did NOT stem from him not wanting to attend church. Your toxic behavior stemmed from _*you*_ feeling that it's okay to respond to disappointment by hitting your partner and breaking things. Something inside you feels it's okay to use abusive tactics to try to get your way. And, that same impulse is now prompting you to dismiss your own abusiveness by blame shifting responsibility for it to your partner - which is, itself, a form of emotional abuse. You are not a safe partner for anyone. And your husband really should separate from you unless and until you get into some really intensive therapy and sort yourself out in a _major_ way. In this situation, divorce is probably what's best for him.

It's also probably what's best for you, in the long run. Maybe you need to spend a lot of time on your own, learning to be a functional adult who can move through life without abusing those around you and with more self-control and better decision-making skills. Marrying someone after knowing them for a few months is almost always going to end badly. Particularly if you both turn out to have very different values, personalities, ideas about life, and are both emotionally unhealthy. It would seem you and your husband both have some personal work and some growing up to do. But you can't fixt him, only yourself. Fix yourself, become emotionally healthy yourself. Then you'll be in a much better place to find an equally emotionally healthy partner with whom to behave in emotionally healthy ways within a relationship. But that should be years from now when you've gotten yourself under control and can function in a non-violent way with a partner.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Let me get this straight. You were upset that he stopped going to church with you so your solution was to throw out all Biblical morals and act abusively and in an evil manner by repeatedly striking him? What ever happened to honoring your husband? Why isn't he the head of the household and free to make financial decisions assuming the needs of the household were still getting met?

You accuse him of being controlling and yet you have a serious problem with control yourself. You fly off the handle at the earliest sign of disrespect and without examples of what your husband said, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that disrespect can mean everything from something mean to not responding in the exact way that you liked. You're so quick to anger we really have no way of knowing but even if he was disrespectful, he didn't deserve you hitting him.

The violence needs to end. It needs to be over for good. He shares ZERO responsibility in your choice to not keep your hands to yourself. You need serious psychological help for your failure to control your temper before marriage counseling should be on the table. If you refuse to accept responsibility and refuse to work on this with a professional, the kindest thing you can do is grant this man a divorce so that he can stop being abused.


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2021)

Thank you


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> You keep saying he us controlling and self centered.
> 
> I see him trying not to break, and to be bowled over by you.
> 
> ...


sex has never really been a big thing in our relationship. We connected on a deeper level. I think it’s more of just communication not me saying no. I appreciate your response 


nekonamida said:


> Let me get this straight. You were upset that he stopped going to church with you so your solution was to throw out all Biblical morals and act abusively and in an evil manner by repeatedly striking him? What ever happened to honoring your husband? Why isn't he the head of the household and free to make financial decisions assuming the needs of the household were still getting met?
> 
> You accuse him of being controlling and yet you have a serious problem with control yourself. You fly off the handle at the earliest sign of disrespect and without examples of what your husband said, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that disrespect can mean everything from something mean to not responding in the exact way that you liked. You're so quick to anger we really have no way of knowing but even if he was disrespectful, he didn't deserve you hitting him.
> 
> The violence needs to end. It needs to be over for good. He shares ZERO responsibility in your choice to not keep your hands to yourself. You need serious psychological help for your failure to control your temper before marriage counseling should be on the table. If you refuse to accept responsibility and refuse to work on this with a professional, the kindest thing you can do is grant this man a divorce so that he can stop being abused.


Right. I said I had no reason for hitting him, I went to therapy myself. We’ve had heated arguments since we’ve been separated and I don’t resort to abuse. It’s been the other way around. If anything, I would just leave to cool off.


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2021)

Rowan said:


> So....you wouldn't have hit him if he'd just done what you wanted? Look what he made you do?
> 
> Yeah, you deserved to have the cops called on you.
> 
> ...


Yep, like I said there was no reason for my abusive behavior just because of my disappointments. That’s why I’ve went to therapy. Probably need more, but I know I’ve recognized to the point where in recent heated moments, I don’t resort to abuse. I either let everything cool down or take a drive/walk. Your response is something I’ve heard in the past. So thank you.


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