# Someone tell me it gets better please!



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Tonight starts my first weekend (Thurs - Sun) w/out my children. I'm sitting here in this empty house crying my eyes out. My wife didn't bat an eye at her first weekend without them last weekend. I've had one day here and there and gotten through it by staying busy or going to visit them at her house but I'm destroyed by the thought of being without them this long. 

They are my whole life and everything I have dedicated my life to. I've cried twice in the past 10 years. Once on the day she left me and today. This is so awful. I can't believe she has done this to our family and has no problem with it. I can't believe she gets to make this decision and I have no say.

It has been 1 hour and I feel like they are gone forever. I don't want to stay busy and try to forget about it anymore. I feel like this is the worst thing that could ever happen. 

I'm not homeless, I'm not hungry. I realize everything will be OK but I'm so desperately sad.


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## LaxUF (Feb 13, 2012)

I PROMISE the day will come when you treasure the time you have to yourself. You will feel incredibly guilty at first and maybe even for awhile but once you have yourself back you will be able enjoy it. More importantly it also comes with the added benefit of treasuring the time you have with them even more than you do now... you & your kids will spend more quality time together & will appreciate it more... 

THAT right there is where the good memory makin stuff is born. I LOVE my daddy for that... he made every second count and made darn sure I made mental notes by stopping to remind me often just how precious that exact moment in time was to him... did not matter what we were doing; what mattered was that we were making memories together... he didn't want me to forget that and it worked! 

He has been gone for almost 25 years & oh how I miss him... but I cherish the memories he gave me & they are still very much alive.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

LaxUF said:


> I PROMISE the day will come when you treasure the time you have to yourself. You will feel incredibly guilty at first and maybe even for awhile but once you have yourself back you will be able enjoy it. More importantly it also comes with the added benefit of treasuring the time you have with them even more than you do now... you & your kids will spend more quality time together & will appreciate it more...
> 
> THAT right there is where the good memory makin stuff is born. I LOVE my daddy for that... he made every second count and made darn sure I made mental notes by stopping to remind me often just how precious that exact moment in time was to him... did not matter what we were doing; what mattered was that we were making memories together... he didn't want me to forget that and it worked!
> 
> He has been gone for almost 25 years & oh how I miss him... but I cherish the memories he gave me & they are still very much alive.


@LaxUF
You have popped up on a couple of my posts with such clarity. Thank you for taking the time to do this. I am having a very dark night and needed this. 
There is absolutely no question that I will be treasuring my time with them like never before. I will remember what you said here and make sure they know I cherish every moment.

Both here and on the other post you have assured me that I will get myself back one day. Thank you for that. I have such doubts and fears about all of this and people like you taking the time to respond means a great deal to me. 

This is one of the hardest nights of my life.


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## LaxUF (Feb 13, 2012)

You are VERY welcome... Not gonna lie... I obtain a great deal of satisfaction when I am able to comfort & offer advice that resonates with another... (oh crap... my co-dependence roots are showing!)... LOL!

Here is an example of what my dad would do... I think I was about 10 years old... we were standing on the front steps loading the guns for target practice (no joke)... I was in the middle of gathering up more ammo & my gear, he grabs my hand away and says, "Stop. Look me in the eyes. I want you to remember this moment for the rest of your life." 

Honestly.... he used to annoy the snot out of me with that "mushy crap". I know I gave him countless "eye-rolls" & may have sassed him a number of times but he let it go right on by without a peep. He knew what he was doing & that my childish reaction meant nothing compared to what he had ingrained in my heart. 

That man was so freakin smart... and it's a gift that keeps on giving because now I can share those memories with my son & I teach him do the same thing with his memories of us.


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## OddFellow151 (Feb 16, 2012)

sd - I was in the same situation as you this past weekend. it was my second full weekend w-o my 9yr old son. i missed him intensely and my house felt very empty. I tried to structure Sat and Sun so most of the daytime was filled with activities to keep me occupied (working out, volunteering, working around the house, shopping, etc.) but the nights were the hardest part. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that your children are having quality time with their mom and that in the long run it is best for your kids to have a good relationship with both parents.
Look forward to the day you have them again and try to be the best dad you can be for them.
Also, it will get better as time goes on. It may only be the tiniest bit better than the weekend before but it will get better. Have faith in that and believe it. It will give you the strength to carry on.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

OddFellow151 said:


> sd - I was in the same situation as you this past weekend. it was my second full weekend w-o my 9yr old son. i missed him intensely and my house felt very empty. I tried to structure Sat and Sun so most of the daytime was filled with activities to keep me occupied (working out, volunteering, working around the house, shopping, etc.) but the nights were the hardest part. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that your children are having quality time with their mom and that in the long run it is best for your kids to have a good relationship with both parents.
> Look forward to the day you have them again and try to be the best dad you can be for them.
> Also, it will get better as time goes on. It may only be the tiniest bit better than the weekend before but it will get better. Have faith in that and believe it. It will give you the strength to carry on.


Thanks for this. I get them back tonight, Wed. night and then Fri, Sat, Sun so I've made it through the first stretch! I do think you are right about quality time with their mom. For all horrible things she has done recently, I do still believe that the kids are her priority in life (when she is with them). They are happy so I think they are doing well. Thanks again, helps so much to have someone who understands.


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## TwistedTulips (Nov 2, 2015)

My boys since they were babies have been gone just about every weekend to one of my immediate family members. I come from a big Irish Catholic family of two brothers and two sisters along with my grandma, aunt, parents, now bil, sil two, and two nieces. Along with my dad's brother and his daughters it is like a whole village is raising them..

Now at 7 and 10 yrs old they are gone to their great aunts every weekend. Also there to see their 94 yr old great grandma. They have a room they share and everything they could ask for..

Next year my oldest will be living with his great aunt to go to a private gifted middle school. His choice and I fully support him. A hour away from me. 

My aunt and I describe our relationship as us being divorced. We separate holidays, summer, their days off, and weekends. My boys love it and they are happy well adjusted.

Mind you I have full custody of both my boys. Oldest dad gave up all his parental rights when he was two years old and youngest I got full custody when he was barely a year old. Neither have seen their dad's since then. My family has helped raise them as their own. 

I'm also disabled due to what my youngest dad did to me.

Drove my second husband nuts that'd on weekends I wouldn't stay home to watch his kids but go out and do my hobbies. I do photography (sell also), water aerobics, herbalism (have my own business along with bath products), crafts, sewing, book club, and more. I told him they are yours not mine and I'm not taking you's with me on my relaxation time. Nope not happening at all. 

I don't bat a eye anymore when someone in my family wants to take them. My kids have voice and they have a brain to make a choice. 

Just keep busy and know they love you.


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

Holy thread resurrection Batman! Let's hope that sd212 has been doing ok over the past 3 years!


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Leftover Halloween zombie?


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