# Hurt and seeking God



## Shari79

Well here I go. I've been married for 3 years. 3 rocky years. We have a blended family with each of us bringing 2 children to our marriage. When I 1st met him he was great. He was an answer to my prayers. Things slowly began to change and now he says he is not happy and plans to eventually leave me.

For a little background. We both work and have good jobs. When I met my husband he worked a full time and had a part time business and money was great. After about a year he decided that he was tired of working both and decided to let his business go. I never complained .... I was on his side no matter what. He went to church every Sunday and was even one of the musicians (even more income). He decided to let that go as well. He has been to church once inthe past year. He has expensive taste and was spoiled as a child and believes that he should get whatever he wants and worry about the consequences later. This was never an issue until the extra income was gone. Now money is very tight and he is very unhappy.

About me..I vowed to never get married again but my husband was so great that I fell in love. In the beginning things were perfect. Slowly but surely things begin to happen, but I always forgave him and hung in there. Through the infidelity I prayed and forgave him. After reading the text messages and emails between him and other women, I cried,prayed and forgave him. I did all that I knew to do to be a good wife. My husband refuses to cook, clean, or do any household task. I do ALL the cooking, cleaning, childrens activities, school PTA... I also work full time and volunteer in our community. When I ask for help he tells me that his mom never had a problem with doing everything and he blows me off. 

Even when it comes down to sex I have never told him,NO. There has never ever been a day or time that he has asked for sex and I didn't say yes. 

I have cried and prayed. He refuses counseling and says that he is absolutely fine and if I have a problem I need to work it out on my own. I have begged for help around the house because it gets extremely overwhelming, but he just says that I'm the woman and I should be able to handle it. He says that our house is okay but not as clean as his mothers and for that he considers it to be nasty. (I clean daily and don't even go to sleep before all the dishes are done). I take care of his kids ( we have then50%) just as I do my own. I never use the term "step kids" and I treat them with love. He ignores my children but will hug and kiss all over his own. He doesn't discipline his kids but will yell at my son saying that he is just bad. 

I don't want a 2nd divorce. I have been praying and reading my bible, but I am so torn and confused. I think that he is trying to make me leave so that he won't have to look like the bad guy in public. I have never spoke to his family or my family about this. I cry daily as I pray and then smile around everyone else so that they don't know of our problems. 

There are days when he will not say 5 words to me unless we are in public. He has now began to exclude me from any public outings that he may attend. Our phone bill shows #s of other women that he calls 50+ times in a week. The last time we had sex was thanksgiving week. He is now at a point where he will not touch me at all. 

I know that God is faithful and can change any situation. I am standing and praying but I am not sure when enough is enough. I would have never tolerated any of this in my 1st marriage. It seems that I have lost who I am. I try to remain strong but I feel so weak and broken. I don't know whether to stay and trust God or to say the Hell with it and move on.
Thanks for hearing my story. Please give any helpful advice that you have.


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## Mr Blunt

> *Quote of Shari
> I know that God is faithful and can change any situation*



*IMO God is not going to take away your husband’s free will and make him reconcile himself back to God or you.* That is completely up to your husband and he is failing miserably.

According to your post your husband is no where near being the husband or person that God has made clear in His word. Furthermore, he has committed the one violation of marriage that the Bible clearly states is allowed for divorce. His adultery in the past (strong chance he is still committing adultery) and his failure to follow God’s plan for a husband is cause for real concern and action.

*Your husband is forcing you to suffer and is in desperate need of ACCOUTABILTY.* I would urge you to contact the elders of your church and tell them everything. They can pray for you and if your husband will responds at all to biblical accountability they need to confront him in love and sternness according to the Bible.

I would also recommend the book “Love Must Be Tough, HOPE for a marriage in crises” by James Dobson, PhD. Respect and accountability are two subjects that are addressed and your situation is also addressed in the book. 

You are being destroyed by his treatment of you and your son. The advice that I can add is that you must concentrate on you and your children and leave your husband to God. I would suggest that you make a plan so that you and your children will be OK if your husband breaks the marriage. *The plan may take months or years but MAKE A PLAN! You cannot trust your husband to help you and your children.*

Your post tells me that you are a good woman that may not see God’s position on changing your husband the way that I do. The reason that I say that God is not going to change your husband is that if he was going to change someone He would have changed the mind of Adam and Eve and kept them form sinning. If God would have forced them to not sin then God would not have had to see His son brutally butchered on the cross. *God gave mankind a fee will and will not force His will on mankind. He can but He won’t.*

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. 
Isaiah 41:10


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. 
Proverbs 3:5-6



Ps.34[17] When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears,
and delivers them out of all their troubles


Know that the And And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those that earnestly seek Him
Hebrews 11:6;


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## Shari79

Mr. Blunt.... Thank you. Your perspective has given me a much clearer point of view. Thank you and May God Bless You.


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## relationshipsguide_gal

Shari79, I feel for you. I admire you for being the tough woman that you are. You clearly value the meaning of Marriage. However your husband also needs to put effort on your relationship. Have you tried telling him everything you feel about him (calmly, non-threateningly)? If you haven't, maybe you can write it in a letter.. Open communication is one very important tool in a relationship. 

It's true that people don't know what they got till it's gone. I hope your husband comes to a realization and start changing his ways. If not then you just have to let him go.. It will hurt but I know that someday you'll be okay. God always has a great plan.. Also don't worry what some people might think if you leave him. The Truth will always reveal itself. Seek support from your friends and family dear. They care for you. All the best and God bless, Mae (relationshipsguide_gal)


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## Maneo

You have received good advice. Based on what you have shared, it honestly sounds dismal for future success in your marriage. I hope you are getting pastoral counseling. 

When you have some perspective of time and distance in this relationship should it fail, some consideration on the men you are attracted to and your attitudes and behaviors may be appropriate.


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## southernsurf

How old are you? Do you work and financially ok on your own?
You should move on based on what I read so far. 1 Kings 19: 11-14 in silence his word always comes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy

I might suggest a separation. 

He seems to have either fully back slidden or maybe his faith is not genuine.

But either way it seems you need some time alone to pray and clear your mind of what he is doing.


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