# Separation/looming divorce because of job and incompatibilities? Looking for advice.



## Banksy (Aug 29, 2013)

Hoping to get some points of view from people on this one. Sorry for the novel, in advance!! LOL! I'm almost 29, I've been married for 2 1/2 years and with my husband for almost 4 1/2, no children, and live in Los Angeles. My husband is from here and I grew up in Virginia but have been here for almost 9 years chasing the music dream, but ended up a massage therapist. My husband and I have had issues from day one but I figured we could resolve them somehow down the road. Before we got married, I explained to him I absolutely needed a partner who had the need to grow and learn about life in a spiritual way (not religious) because it is a core value of mine. He told me he was a spiritual person at heart (this was three years ago) but just hadnt made time for it and i believed him and gave him space. Fast forward three years (and many many books given to him to learn, that went unread), And I've realized this is not a core value of his. He finally admits it (sort of). Our sex life is absolutely horrid (i have no desire or passion for it with him) and Its been like that since before we got married. I begged him for counseling a year ago and he refused. Recently, I went back to Virginia and got offered a position to own a spa and talked to other therapists there that said work was plenty available and I could make a good living there (i already got another job interview with another company that pays great, as well) I felt like I should move back there. Los angeles is incredibly expensive and I have been having trouble finding steady work that pays and the stress of the city and lack of jobs has been unbelievable to the point that I no longer feel I have any option but to move somewhere cheaper. Unfortunately, my husband is refusing to move and wants to be around his mom and dad (he has no siblings, I have some in Virginia)and have a family out here eventually. He loves his job, as well. Its his dream job and I would never want to take him from that, but I cannot live in a place where I am struggling to pay my bills (he doesnt make enough to support me fully) and stressed because of the traffic, mean people, etc. I also want to raise a family around their cousins on my side and live in a place where it costs less to live and wont always be so expensive. So the question is, should we separate? Divorce? I love my husband, hes my best friend, but with all of the issues and geographical problems we have, I don't know what to do. If I felt I could handle the stress of the city and could see myself raising a family here, I think it would be easier to mend the problems, but I just dont think I could do that. The stress had made me a basket case over the last few years and I dont want to do that to myself any longer. I feel so selfish, but I'm absolutely miserable in this city. I'm planning on doing a 6 week trial run in Va to see how it goes, but I'm afraid I still won't have an answer by that time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much!


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