# Can women just be friends????



## Tommyboy (Mar 23, 2012)

I have a question for the ladies. 

Can women be friends with a guy/girl knowing the person likes them or has liked them in the past? If a woman has told a girl/guy that she is not interested in them, is it normal for you to still want to pursue/accept a purely platonic relationship with this other person?

I guess coming from a guy, if I liked a girl and she told me she only wants to be friends I would not want to be her friend. Do women feel the same way?

Help me understand.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've been married for 20 years so it's been a while since I've been in this situation. But yes I could do it easily. They pursued the friendship though not me. I would never do that to someone who claimed to like me romantically. It would have to be their idea.

Back when I was single I had several guy friends that were interested in me but I didn't feel the same way about them and we ended up good friends. One guy used to come over to my house after his dates to hang out with me. Another was like a brother to me. He used to write me daily after he joined the Air Force. These friendships all ended when THEY got married and their wives didn't approve. And I 100% supported that. I'd want the same thing.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Can women be friends with a guy knowing the person likes them or has liked them in the past?


I know that *I* could not; it would be TOO uncomfortable for me.


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## PrincessMarie (Feb 22, 2012)

No, because every male I speak to ends up asking for sex in the next week. I tried my damnedest to be friends with my husbands guy friends when he wanted us to hang out together and all they would do is try sexting me and one even in front of my husband asked if I wanted to go to his place, do drugs and screw.

It's just impossible to be friends with someone who is attracted to you. Even if they say they have it in check, they still think about it all the time and they've admitted that to me before. I think that's one of the reasons my husband hates me now, which isn't my fault. I already asked him if he wanted me to get smashed into the ground by the ugly tree and put on 100lbs so he could have 'better friends'. Putting on the 100lbs didn't help by the way so I'm taking it off again.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I believe there two kinds of guys who want purely platonic relationships with females....gays and liars.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H can be friends with any gay women or women he finds replusive...women he finds attractive or that find him attractive...lol...i don't think so


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## Tommyboy (Mar 23, 2012)

OK, I think I understand. My wife dosent feel like it is a problem I think. She looks at it like, Well i told you I am married and I am not interested. So if you choose to lead yourself on and I just want to be friends then oh well. My wife is a very friendly person and thinks once she tells someone how she feels, she can not control how they react.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Tommyboy said:


> OK, I think I understand. My wife dosent feel like it is a problem I think. She looks at it like, Well i told you I am married and I am not interested. So if you choose to lead yourself on and I just want to be friends then oh well. My wife is a very friendly person and thinks once she tells someone how she feels, she can not control how they react.


This is why couples need to talk and face life together and not act as free agents. Our spouses can see things in our relationships with others that we have tunnel vision over. It is called looking out for one another. That is a level of intimacy and trust many couples never acheive.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This seems to be a hot topic all over the board lately!

Tommy--I think they can be friends but the dynamic surely changes after one person confess they have "feelings." 

Two mature people can still be friends though. I would think though that the party that was rebuffed prob feels a little awkward though.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband have single friends, a couple of my gf's and a couple single guys. I've tried to matchmake them a couple times... almost worked, but fell apart. Darn!

They are friends with both of us..equally.. we are 1, united.... and they only come around when we are both here together, as it should be. Or they might go out with us on occasion to plays, concerts, etc. 

There have been a few occasions but it was special circumstances..where this guy friend was at my house while my husband was at work. He has never been disrespectful in a way that spoke to me - like I needed to "hide" anything from my husband...ever. 

If I found myself single, he'd likely jump at being more than friends with me...well accually he wouldn't cause he knows me.... It would never never happen. We enjoy "Debating" alot... many issues, religion, we have differing view points & enjoy sharpening each other's mind. At one time he wanted to be a Preacher.. but he never realized his dreams. We've been friends for over 20 long years... he is safe. 

He always tells us he considers me & my husband his best friends. And because of his debating skills, I do highly enjoy talking to him, even more than many of my gf's. It's never been an issue for us.


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## onehotmama (Apr 13, 2012)

In my experience, being just friends with someone who has feelings for you always creates drama. If they never express or try to act on those feelings it could work, since what you don't know doesn't hurt you. But I have had guy friends in the past that were relentless, despite repeated boundary setting on my part. I think in general, if you're married, you are better off having friends of the same sex unless they are a mutual friend between you and your spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Not I. That would just be uncomfortable and awkward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leveuvenoire (Apr 1, 2012)

NOPE!! Tried it. More than once it ALWAYS ends in drama. Its just not worth it.


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## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

My man and I have an agreement: No friends of the opposite gender, period. Coworker relationship is fine. Facebook friendship with old high school opposite genders is fine (NO EXES, though). We avoid situations where we'd be alone with a member of the opposite gender: no rides home, no lunch "dates", etc. 

Someone that has "feelings"--same category as EXES (unless children were involved)--no contact other than what might occur naturally. i.e. -high school reunion, bump into at Starbucks...NO exchange of phone numbers or email. No "we should get together sometime", no chit chat.


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## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

Oh, and FULL DISCLOSURE should contact occur naturally: 
HIM: I ran into "Scheming *****" at Walmart today.
ME: Really, what's she been up to?
HIM: Don't know, hid behind the coke machine til she walked past.
ME: I love you so much.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Depends on many things, such as,...

1. Decency & Dignity of the friend: If there are chances that other person would use the friendship to pursue and tap the potential for a possible future relationship then it is a bad idea to stay in touch. So this would depend on how dignified the other person is.

2. Intensity of feelings: If the other person had intense feelings it would again be a bad idea, since it could be like showing him/her false hopes in a way. Friendship if at all should be very 'formal' and far away from anything close to 'flirting'

3. Ambiguity of Relationship: Friendship should not be considered a partially open door by one person when the other person does not mean that. So the person who is not interested should make sure that is communicated properly.

I think it depends on both the people involved and the situation... and would probably work in some cases, although might not work in most cases.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I have no problem being platonically friendly with a man, whether or not I find him attractive. I keep that stuff to myself. Chances are, though, that if I like him or have a crush on him and he's taken, I'll keep my distance because of my own feelings. If a guy I had a crush on told me he didn't reciprocate those feelings, I would probably step back from a friendship with him as well, at least as long as that crush was active. 

This can be a tricky thing. I'm separated from my stbxh, but my heart is still attached, so I don't act on my feelings of attraction if I have them. I also keep my distance when my spoken-for male friends want to get together to talk anything other than shop and I only meet them in public places and make very clear that it's shop talk or whatever and not just hanging out. I think boundaries are extremely important.

There are a lot of skeezy women and men out there who think a boundary is just a challenge. Better to err on the side of safety if you value your partner, I say. No friendship should be more valuable than your committed partnership and if you know that attraction is part of the dynamic, then the friendship needs to be put on ice until that aspect is totally gone. Of course, I think ex-lovers are totally off-limits, too; slippery slope, there.

Most people are not honorable. I've learned that the hard way. I expect the same as I give, though, so if I don't want my man to be friends with a woman that's got the hots for him, I'm not going to allow myself to be friends with a man who has openly expressed interest in me, either. Respect and honor matter in this equation.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Tommyboy said:


> I have a question for the ladies.
> 
> Can women be friends with a guy/girl knowing the person likes them or has liked them in the past? If a woman has told a girl/guy that she is not interested in them, is it normal for you to still want to pursue/accept a purely platonic relationship with this other person?
> 
> ...


When I was single and even while married, I never met a guy who claimed to only want friendship that really meant it. 

It always eventually came out that they wanted a relationship. 

When I worked and was married, a lot of men I met claimed to want to be friends, but the truth eventually came out. 

I have four brothers, so I did really only want a friendship. I like guy type of things, like cars and shooting sports (without killing anything) I like kayaking and other things men like, so I tend to enjoy talking to men.

Still, I have avoided being alone with them, since married. I always ensured that other female coworkers were included, if we went to lunch together during work hours and I never met them after work or outside of work time.


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> I had a boy who I was best friends with all through high school. I knew he had a crush on me, but I wasn't interested that way and he was content to pretend that he wasn't interested either. Well long story short, when we were about 20 he told me that he loved me, but not directly. I kind of ignored it and hoped it would go away (immature, I know, but he was the closest friends I had and I thought of him more like a brother) because I was selfish and wanted to keep our friendship. A few years after I married he finally told me that it wasn't a healthy relationship for him and that while he still wanted to keep me on facebook so he could see how my life and my kids were doing from time to time, he didn't want to keep regular contact with me any longer. It was painful and I fought it a little, but I now understand why he had to do it. I really have grown to respect him for making the decision he did.
> 
> So no, I don't think you can be friends with someone who you have romantic feelings for. At least not friends who stay in contact.


:iagree:
I honor that type of special "friend" who knows when it's right to let go.

After I agreed to marry my husband, I found myself in the awkward position of having to say adios to a bunch of guys I had known on a variety of levels of dating and friendship. I thought highly of many of them and had known some from waaay back in the past. As I say, in various ways....

The more I thought over the prospect of telling them "I'm getting married," and not WANTING to, the more I realized how questionable those relationships must really be--simply because I had to debate whether, or how soon, to tell them! and how icky that seemed.

The sheer discomfort made me realize how two-faced I was being. Not wanting to totally let go of some would-be or former lovers? why not? What was I trying to hide? Was I really ready to get married if I wasn't willing to do that?

Each phone call was incredibly painful. The degree of pain made me realize how full of crap I really was. I am grateful to the ones who said, "Congratulations, and given the way we have felt about each other, or seemed to, it would not be appropriate to stay in touch. I've enjoyed knowing you." Whew! Real gentlemen! No wonder I esteemed them so highly!

Yet their true friendship was in knowing that the most respectful thing they could do would be to honor my new commitment by ending the friendship--making it only a fond memory.

I occasionally exchange very bland Christmas cards with a couple of them. And on rough days with my husband I think, sometimes, "What if so-and-so were still in my cellphone...." Yeah, it's a slippery slope.

Married is married. If you're not ready to "forsake all others," don't get married. And if you're already married.... don't be stupid.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Tommyboy said:


> I have a question for the ladies.
> 
> Can women be friends with a guy/girl knowing the person likes them or has liked them in the past? If a woman has told a girl/guy that she is not interested in them, is it normal for you to still want to pursue/accept a purely platonic relationship with this other person?
> 
> ...


Typically speaking if a girl say's she just wants to be friends than she is not interested.

Typically speaking if a guy say's he just wants to be friends he is not interested in the girl.

Usually long term close friendships between male and female has both parties liking each other physically and having an emotional connection. Usually people make close friends with members of the opposite sex that they really like or find attractive.Allot of people end up dating, and many even end up marrying each other after they had just been friends. I know plenty of people who were "just friends" and later got together. But it was always those really deep close friendships. I have dated plenty of girls i was friends with and i have had relationships with girls who liked me first than i liked them nothing happened we remained friends than dated later. I was friends with my wife first but quickly moved past that and we started dating.


Close friendships between male & females TYPICALLY leads to a Relationship at some point. The reason being is both obviously find each other physically attractive and have a emotional connection. Typically more so the male females more physically attracted to the female than vice versa but the female is more emotionally attached to her long term male friend. Male Female friendships that are deep and long often end up in a relationship at some point the thoughts in the back of the head of "what if we dated" hits both of the people and eventually they cant resit any longer.

Male Female close relationships will majority of the time= future relationship


Men and women can be friends. BUT! In my opinion its best to not keep opposite sex friends once you become married as it will only lead to trouble.


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