# How do you communicate?



## confused2301 (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi, I've posted before and appreciate this site and need some advice. 

I'm struggling to cope with my husband leaving me. He struggled for a long time with his decision as well, as he kept leaving and coming back, giving me false hope. He wasnt all to blame, everytime he came back I jumped right back into the swing of things thinking everything was going to be good again which I now realized wasnt the best approach. Live and learn. As of now he has been gone for a month and half and we just communicate over email regarding the dog and him wanting to move forward quickly (which I have told him over again I need some time to absorb the situation before I talk logistics of a separation agreement). 

His emails are pretty cut and dry as he has plans of moving on. I recently emailed him after taking some time to reflect on my part in the marital breakdown and apologized for not listening and not being more appreciative of him in the last year. He said he beleived it would not have made a difference and he "needs this". Note: he has said many times there is no OW although I dont deny there could be a possibility. 

My question is given the lack of warmth in his emails to me, how do I respond or initiate communication to him? Am I to be equally cold/cut and dry even though a reconciliation is all that I want? I am struggling with accepting his decision and looking for ANY glimmer of hope that he may have a change of heart. 

Any advice is appreciated.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, first off, let me say how sorry I am. What a horrible situation for you.

I think you should answer in kind, and perhaps even less warmly. Especially if you'd like to reconcile, you need to back way, way off. WAY OFF. Cold, dry, and if you see him in person? You are the happiest girl in the whole USA. You don't need him at all.

That's a) a good strategy if you want him back and b) a good strategy to keep your dignity if he ends up leaving for good.

JMHO, obvs. Good luck, and please do keep talking to us.


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## confused2301 (Jan 11, 2012)

Thank you for your advice. What doe JMHO mean?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, sorry...it means Just My Humble Opinion


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

confused,

He sounds pretty resolute to me. I am sorry to say. Have you implemented the 180? It will help prepare you for what life may bring next.

I don't know how long you can stave off what looks inevitable. Do the 180 and buy some time. If he's still insistent, I would give him the seperation and divorce he seeks. If you love something.........


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