# I think i just ruined my marriage



## Married18 (Apr 13, 2018)

This is going to be a lengthy post and i appreciate anybody who takes the time to read and give me advice 

A couple of weeks ago me and my wife decided to spice up our sex life we both are 29 and been married for 2 years we have 2 little girls . Now our sex live was fine before this often and we both got great pleasure. We decided to bring other ppl n bed room it first started off with girls but i flirted with her having sex with other men she didn’t really agree but she likes when I’m turned on she said she will try it. We said that we can pick somebody she can have sex with them and either record or she tells me all about it later i didn’t want to be there . While we having sex w she would talk dirty to me about it and. I get really turned on and cum harder than usually . We met 2012 and I’ll say this i think the reason I’m into it because she told me she really liked. Big ****s. This was before we even met we was Casually texting. My **** isn’t big I’ll say maybe 5-6 inches but i can attest to the fact that her and other females have loved my sex. I think she is really beautiful i get turned on knowing she is . So i think me seeing her take a big one and loving it will get me off . But anyway we had talks about it and we decided the person has to be disposable. So if she regret it and. I regret it she can just block the person and that will be that . So here is when things get tricky yesterday we was talking bout it all day but our ground rules was we have for be 100% open and honest no making moves with out letting each other know she wants to have sex with females so we had the rules set. My phone died i got off work and she said she think she has found somebody i got extremely mad because she asked him and said i wanted to see it and honestly I’m very embarrassed by this i think something is wrong with me but i been doing sum reading and a lot of men are like this for many different reasons but anyway . I just wanted us to pick somebody and she **** them i didn’t want another guy knowing i wanted this so i was mad not only did she pick somebody with out consulting with me she added me in it.. we had a big big fallen out i really let her have it. So she said she is sorry she wanted to surprise me he is nothing but a follower on IG never met him n person i truly believe thst but i calmed down we had a long talk about it i forgave her. So i told her i just don’t wanna be left out loop .. any communication via anything has to go by me first and i think thst is fair . She explained how sorry is and she thought it was ok but ok she gets it. So this morning i come to find out she was texting him . In the mist of arguing last night i said just be with him leave me alone i know u got his number . She CLAIMS she thought she told me they text but i pulled up text messages and proved that to be wrong. I asked her to show me they text and she refused she said it was because it’s some stuff i might see. Thst i don’t like . I seen it about a hour later after yelling and the things were about her getting boob job i told her i don’t want her to get them to big and Idk how i will react . I think that’s not if his Buiness at all . He asked her how wet does she get and a couple other things but nothing to serious but more so on a personal level. Now b4 she showed me she admitted to thing about boobs she said i don’t want to show u because i said this i said is there anything else tell me now she said no 10 mins later will i said this 10 mins after oh this too. She knew everything she said the first time . I’m really upset because we had a big fallen out last night and u turn right around and text him today after me telling u i need to be n loop about everything and like i don’t get it. I’m agreeing for u to have sex with somebody at minimum just keep me in loop how is that so hard. If i can’t trust u in open marriage how can i trust u at all. Now she’s never seen guy or met up with him but i don’t think i will ever trust her again after lying like thst because it was no need to. What are your thoughts ?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sounds like you are very selfish and view her as a toy instead of a person. You want her to have sex with others, you want her to leave you out of the loop but you also want to control everything. You want you want you want.

So after doing lots of things you want your mad.

I think you have opened s can of worms that will lead to the end of your relationship. I don't really see a positive way out of this.


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## GuyFromDK (Feb 28, 2018)

You need to stop this immediately, or you will ruin your marriage. In order to make hotwifing work, your relationship must be strong, you must be able to communicate properly about it outside bed, you must have 100% transparency and you must trust each other without any need for questioning. 

You are not ready for this yet, you can't control your jealousy, and you made a big mistake when scolding her, the only thing you have achieved by that is to make her feel guilty. And she's mainly doing it because you pushed her into it in order to fulfill your fantasy, not because she wants to fulfill her fantasy. This is an bad foundation for hotwifing, it often leads to resentment and can make the wife lose respect for her husband.

So my advice is to pull the plug, repair your relationship, learn to communicate properly and meanwhile keep it as a fantasy until she wants to do it because it's her fantasy too. Then maybe it will work - but it's a dangerous game for young couples, you haven't had time enough to build a solid foundation under your relationship. It's safer when you have been married for +10 years, but still risky.

I know what I'm talking about, my wife and I do it (married 31 years), and I know several other couples in the lifestyle.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Well done, you are on the road to destroying your marriage. If I understand correctly, you have already brought women into the marriage, now you want me (though she didn't like it at first), everything is on your terms and then you get angry if she contacts someone. 
You have absolutely no respect for your wife. Most women don't like the idea that their H doesn't mind them being with another man, it reduces their value and lowers self esteem. Your wife may well be thinking, she'll replace you with a man who actually gives a **** about her and wont want her to sleep with other men for his own personal gratification.

You created this mess, now suck it up.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

@Married18, you are WAY to insecure to have an open marriage.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Heaven help those two kids. I'm not going to say what I really want to say because it's against TOS. All I can say sir, is that you can take the 'I think' off of the title of this post. If you really want help, pick up the phone, call your employer and see what counseling services are covered under your health plan.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

You are right. You have destroyed your marriage. If you want to resolve the problems you have created, I recommend you apologize to your wife. Stop bringing other people into the relationship. It destabilizes your relationship. Find a therapist, not for marriage counseling, but for individual therapy and find out why you are acting this way, then fix it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your entire fantasy is about using your wife and her body as an object; an object that you want to control. It sounds to me like this is dawning on your wife and she's rebelling because of it.

I don't blame her. Most women want nothing to do with being pimped out by their husband. Yuk.

Did your children hear you and your wife arguing about her picking up men and sleeping with them for your hard on? Great way to raise children.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Pandora's box. 


Good luck with that.


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## biwing (Feb 2, 2017)

My wife and I were married for 10 years before even considering anything like this. Then discussed it for three years more before deciding on anything.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I say this from the bottom of my heart.
Get a ****ing life!


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I normally stay out of these threads, lest their tentacles, wrap around, entrap me.

I would never do this, these things.

Never do these things, nay, not let these things, these doings, these 'thoughts' run up my throat, dribble off my tongue. 

Spread to the keyboard, finding, forming in-excusable words.

Just by being present when these thoughts are bandied about, gives rise to an acquired, delivered sheen, a shiny damp epidermal surface, wiped off from the perused words, some glammed onto, gleaned from the air.

A cold sweat.

The thought of this hotwife-ing, the words, taking my normally well-cropped hair, making it go every which way, the folly-gulls, some become wavy, a few curled, not one aligned straight.

No, nope, not for me. And not for Thee.

It is a rare Thee.
A carefree, flighty Bee.
That can transverse, can randomly fly.
Joined at the hip and the lip to a random drone.

A she bumble, rumble bee that belongs tightly to no nest, you not knowing if it wuzz-her.
Going from honeypot to honeypot, hive to hive.
Licking, giving, receiving nectar from any random buzz-her.

Drop the fantasy. Leave it for the Wasps, not for your Honey Bee.

A Honey bee can only sting once, serve one nest, a Wasp many.


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## Married18 (Apr 13, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Your entire fantasy is about using your wife and her body as an object; an object that you want to control. It sounds to me like this is dawning on your wife and she's rebelling because of it.
> 
> I don't blame her. Most women want nothing to do with being pimped out by their husband. Yuk.
> 
> Did your children hear you and your wife arguing about her picking up men and sleeping with them for your hard on? Great way to raise children.


No we never bring our adult problems around our children ever they didn’t hear one bit of this


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I say this from the bottom of my heart.
> Get a ****ing life!


Yup. Just stop the bs dude.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Married18 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Your entire fantasy is about using your wife and her body as an object; an object that you want to control. It sounds to me like this is dawning on your wife and she's rebelling because of it.
> ...


Not trying to be a **** but being straight with you man. If you think you aren't bringing your kids into your issues because they don't hear about it out loud ... I'm guessing you haven't had kids for very long? What effects the parents indirectly affects the kids 95% of the time on just what they pick up in behavior and moods alone.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

zookeeper said:


> Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


:lol: :rofl:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Married18 said:


> This is going to be a lengthy post and i appreciate anybody who takes the time to read and give me advice
> 
> A couple of weeks ago me and my wife decided to spice up our sex life we both are 29 and been married for 2 years we have 2 little girls . Now our sex live was fine before this often and we both got great pleasure. We decided to bring other ppl n bed room it first started off with girls but i flirted with her having sex with other men she didn’t really agree but she likes when I’m turned on she said she will try it. We said that we can pick somebody she can have sex with them and either record or she tells me all about it later i didn’t want to be there . While we having sex w she would talk dirty to me about it and. I get really turned on and cum harder than usually . We met 2012 and I’ll say this i think the reason I’m into it because she told me she really liked. Big ****s. This was before we even met we was Casually texting. My **** isn’t big I’ll say maybe 5-6 inches but i can attest to the fact that her and other females have loved my sex. I think she is really beautiful i get turned on knowing she is . So i think me seeing her take a big one and loving it will get me off . But anyway we had talks about it and we decided the person has to be disposable. So if she regret it and. I regret it she can just block the person and that will be that . So here is when things get tricky yesterday we was talking bout it all day but our ground rules was we have for be 100% open and honest no making moves with out letting each other know she wants to have sex with females so we had the rules set. My phone died i got off work and she said she think she has found somebody i got extremely mad because she asked him and said i wanted to see it and honestly I’m very embarrassed by this i think something is wrong with me but i been doing sum reading and a lot of men are like this for many different reasons but anyway . I just wanted us to pick somebody and she **** them i didn’t want another guy knowing i wanted this so i was mad not only did she pick somebody with out consulting with me she added me in it.. we had a big big fallen out i really let her have it. So she said she is sorry she wanted to surprise me he is nothing but a follower on IG never met him n person i truly believe thst but i calmed down we had a long talk about it i forgave her. So i told her i just don’t wanna be left out loop .. any communication via anything has to go by me first and i think thst is fair . She explained how sorry is and she thought it was ok but ok she gets it. So this morning i come to find out she was texting him . In the mist of arguing last night i said just be with him leave me alone i know u got his number . She CLAIMS she thought she told me they text but i pulled up text messages and proved that to be wrong. I asked her to show me they text and she refused she said it was because it’s some stuff i might see. Thst i don’t like . I seen it about a hour later after yelling and the things were about her getting boob job i told her i don’t want her to get them to big and Idk how i will react . I think that’s not if his Buiness at all . He asked her how wet does she get and a couple other things but nothing to serious but more so on a personal level. Now b4 she showed me she admitted to thing about boobs she said i don’t want to show u because i said this i said is there anything else tell me now she said no 10 mins later will i said this 10 mins after oh this too. She knew everything she said the first time . I’m really upset because we had a big fallen out last night and u turn right around and text him today after me telling u i need to be n loop about everything and like i don’t get it. I’m agreeing for u to have sex with somebody at minimum just keep me in loop how is that so hard. If i can’t trust u in open marriage how can i trust u at all. Now she’s never seen guy or met up with him but i don’t think i will ever trust her again after lying like thst because it was no need to. What are your thoughts ?




- This is my 2 cents.


- When single and only dating, have as much sex with anyone you wish. Open dating relationship.


- When married and you even have two beautiful daughters, this all stops.


- You are to be faithful to each other, and that means physically and sexually.


- When you both are having sex with other people, while married to each other and you have two children, you have basically destroyed your marriage and vows.


- It's called adultery.


- You are to be the man and hubby and that means she is your life and your treat her right. Not sleep with other women or men.


- It's pandora's box. Once you open it, you can never close it and the damage is now done.


- In ending, if you truly love each other and respect what marriage is all about, stop sleeping with other people, or get divorced.


- And what would your parents think???


- Your kids when they're older???


- You're not setting a good role model.


- I also have some fantasies that I would never push on Mrs.CuddleBug.


- Another woman having sex with her and she's tied to the bed and can't get away.


- Or a guy 12+ inches long pounding her all the way doggy.


- You get the idea. Fantasies, yes. Would I actually go through with them, no.


- You can always view this and relief yourself privately.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

you already ruined your marriage. what husband wants to share his wife and bring other people in their bedroom/union? you pretty much handed her out like some meat at the deli. 

hopefully you learned your lesson and won't repeat this mistake in your next relationship/marriage.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> I say this from the bottom of my heart.
> Get a ****ing life!


He tried to a new one, but he's not about that life.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

anastasia6 said:


> Sounds like you are very selfish and view her as a toy instead of a person. You want her to have sex with others, you want her to leave you out of the loop but you also want to control everything. You want you want you want.
> 
> So after doing lots of things you want your mad.
> 
> I think you have opened s can of worms that will lead to the end of your relationship. I don't really see a positive way out of this.


Did I miss read something?

His wife wanted to have sex with other girls. 

He wanted her to have sex with another guy. 

They had ground rules that he followed with the other girls. 

His wife isn’t following the ground rules for her to be with the other guy.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Ok who can actually say that the other girls weren’t his wife’s idea?

He said they decided together on that one. 

He wanted her to be with another guy so she could experience a guy with a bigger one. Also he gets off on it while they talk about during sex. 

Here is where it went sideways. They were supposed to pick the guy together. 

Then she comes out and says I found someone. First rule broken. 

It was supposed to be a stranger so no attachment problems and they can just turn their back to the guy. 

She picked someone that is following her on instagram and they have been talking and getting close to one another. Another rule broken. 

How can anyone say that he is using his wife. They started this together by what he has posted. He has nevered said who brought up spicing things up first. 

But this is what I find strange. This has only been going on for a few weeks. His wife didn’t at first want to be with other guys to I have someone picked out. That is just way to quick I do believe.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Married18, if your wife brought up the idea of spicing things up first, then I believe she has been wanting to sleep with this OM before things ever started. 

She used the lets bring a girl in to bed and have fun. In the meantime it has been used as pillow talk about another guy with her. 

Then you get her to “agree” to being with another guy. But wait, she has already picked the guy out with in two weeks. 

Something isn’t right here.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I'm the same way about my wife as Joey from "Friends" is about food.

"JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!" 

"MANWITHNONAME DOESN'T SHARE HIS WIFE!"


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

ABHale said:


> Ok who can actually say that the other girls weren’t his wife’s idea?
> 
> He said they decided together on that one.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything but the last paragraph. If I wanted to find someone, it would not take me a few weeks.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> I agree with everything but the last paragraph. If I wanted to find someone, it would not take me a few weeks.


I understand but she went from not wanting another guy too texting back and forth in a week. This has only been going on for two weeks. 

I am sure most of us know who we can spark up with. That is the biggest problem here. It was supposed to be someone they picked together. 

I really believe she has planned this out completely to have sex with Instagram man.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Some woman on affair forum looking to hook-up, said she had 50 replies in the first day. Her problem was eliminating men she wasn't interested in. She then corresponded with a few men until she narrowed it down to a few, which she said she met in person before deciding the one she liked the best. So 2 weeks isn't that unusual for a woman looking for a FB. Men say it takes months of looking for a female FB because of so many bots, scammers, fakes, and gay men contacting them.

I don't share my sex partners. Food, well there is a lot of that at the store, so no big deal.


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## Married18 (Apr 13, 2018)

ABHale said:


> Ok who can actually say that the other girls weren’t his wife’s idea?
> 
> He said they decided together on that one.
> 
> ...


Honestly they were both my ideas and she said if they turned me on she is willing to do them but i agree i think something isn’t right


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Yep they were both your idea. Which communicates to your wife that she isn't enough for you and that you are willing to share her. You can flip to suspicion and blame her that she didn't get the opening of the relationship right. But previous posters are correct. IF you ever wanted to open your marriage you'd have to be more confident, less controlling, and in a more stable one before adding a third party.

It leaves you mad because she isn't hooking up with other big ****s the 'right' way for YOU to come harder.

Good luck to you man.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Somebody call the meat wagon (waaaambulence), because there are sure to be injuries in this train wreck.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I don't know what to say. That sounds so messed up I can't imagine you two ever working out. I can't relate at all. If my wife ever did anything sexual with any other person I'd be sick and I'd divorce instantly, non-negotiable. I can't imagine actually telling my wife to have sex with other guys. Your Universe is so far away from mine that I can't even comprehend the likes of you. Anyway you sound upset and jealous about this so maybe it isn't a good thing for your marriage.


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