# My Wife Hates My Son



## marriedandalone (May 3, 2015)

I've been married to my wife for almost a year. A few months ago my 13 year old son moved in with us because his biological mom didn't want to deal with him (which I do not understand). My son is a good kid but a typical 13 year old with a bit of a smart mouth and little common sense (just like his dad at that age). My wife is an only child and spoiled out the yinyang. She's 41 and still gets a monthly allowance from her parents, you get the idea. My son has done little if nothing to upset her let alone give her reason to despise him as much as she does. My wife and I have had issues in the past (arguing) but have recently gotten to where we get along really well. Last night she told me she wants my son to move out of her house (yes it's HER house that I pay for). I told her sorry, if he goes I go (no brainer) and she seemed fine with that. I'm currently looking for a place to live. My question is; is this a jealousy thing with my wife? I ask her why she hates my son and all she can say is that "he's annoying" (what 13 year old isn't). I'm thinking that she is jealous, wants her "old" life back and now that she has a job (she hasn't worked in over a year while I put her through nursing school) wants to be independent. She's emotionally immature and has no real understanding of life. She's never lost a family member or had to suffer the regular hardships most of us do by the time we're 20. I'm hurt by this and saddened but I'm not about to betray my son for anybody especially a spoiled brat.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Marriedandalone, you simply do not provide enough information in your post for an outsider to answer your question of whether or not your wife is jealous of your son.

If YOU bought and pay for the house, it seems very weird that YOU are the one moving out.

With the little you have said so far, I have to admit that she sounds like she will be a great ex-wife. You won't have to keep in touch with her


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Not taking a side. But your first wife didn't want to deal with the son. Wife #2 isn't a fan. Are you being honest (with yourself) as far as his behavior?

That being said, she seems intolerant. Divorce her. She can go home to mom and dad. They will save on allowance money.

Question- why did you marry her? What was the appeal?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I have an older brother who had the same scenario as you. He married a woman who was 42 years old. She was never married before and had no children. When his son lived with them at age 14, she gradually pushed him out.

Unlike you, my brother was foolish. He sent his son to live with his maternal grandmother.  He elected to stay with his selfish, arrogant, and skanky wife. Today, his son is 36 years of age and a father himself. My brother's son has so much abandonment issues, even today. They do not have a good relationship.

Do not sacrifice yourself for a woman who is selfish. My foolish brother is still married to this woman, although he is unhappy. Move on and chose to be with your son. It is important for your son to be loved, especially at this age.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep not nearly enough info.

What did your ex say was the problem with your son? Please elaborate.

Surely your wife says more than just that he annoys her. What rae the problems. If that's all she said, go back and ask her for exact details. Then let us know what she said.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NotLikeYou said:


> Marriedandalone, you simply do not provide enough information in your post for an outsider to answer your question of whether or not your wife is jealous of your son.
> 
> If YOU bought and pay for the house, it seems very weird that YOU are the one moving out.
> 
> With the little you have said so far, I have to admit that she sounds like she will be a great ex-wife. You won't have to keep in touch with her


The OP says that the house belongs to his wife. She must have had it before they married. But he has been making the payments for the last year while she finished nursing school.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

So the bio mom didn't want to deal with the son any longer and the current wife has an issue with the son as well. 

That seems quite strange. What did the bio mother tell you as far as her issues were with your son? 

From what you've said, your wife seems unreasonable...however, It's really hard to believe that two people have now said that your son needs to go, yet he is a wonderful child....I'm guessing he isn't so nice when you're not around.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

marriedandalone said:


> I've been married to my wife for almost a year. A few months ago my 13 year old son moved in with us because his biological mom didn't want to deal with him (which I do not understand). My son is a good kid but a typical 13 year old with a bit of a smart mouth and little common sense (just like his dad at that age). My wife is an only child and spoiled out the yinyang. She's 41 and still gets a monthly allowance from her parents, you get the idea. My son has done little if nothing to upset her let alone give her reason to despise him as much as she does. My wife and I have had issues in the past (arguing) but have recently gotten to where we get along really well. Last night she told me she wants my son to move out of her house (yes it's HER house that I pay for). I told her sorry, if he goes I go (no brainer) and she seemed fine with that. I'm currently looking for a place to live. My question is; is this a jealousy thing with my wife? I ask her why she hates my son and all she can say is that "he's annoying" (what 13 year old isn't). I'm thinking that she is jealous, wants her "old" life back and now that she has a job (she hasn't worked in over a year while I put her through nursing school) wants to be independent. She's emotionally immature and has no real understanding of life. She's never lost a family member or had to suffer the regular hardships most of us do by the time we're 20. I'm hurt by this and saddened but I'm not about to betray my son for anybody especially a spoiled brat.


Why did you marry her? You don't like your life. You have zero good to say about her.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Your primary responsibility is to your son. If your wife cannot handle that, she is a low life. The kid is 13. He didn't just suddenly appear. She knew you had a son.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would marry, let alone stay with someone who hates their children. 
If you stay with her, one day you may find yourself without her and your son not wanting to have anything to do with you either.
Kids and parents are a package deal. If someone is against my children, they are not welcome in my home. I have seriously cut off people who I felt were harming my children's psychological well-being and did not allow them in my home. That includes a close family member who I cut out of my life due to their behavior towards my children.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

We really need to know why your son's mother doesn't want to deal with him. It would provide a much better idea of what's going on. Not hard to imagine a stepmom not wanting to deal with him but his own mother too? Something more is going on besides him being annoying.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Is it so hard to understand that just like there are selfish men, that there are also selfish women? The basic facts are that a mother has thrown her child back at her ex-husband and that his newlywed wife hates his son. Both actions speak very loudly of both women's characters.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Hi OP, I'm a stepmum to a beautiful 10 year old girl, who has just been diagnosed with ASD. I mention that because we have dealt with melt downs, shocking behaviour and tantrums that can go for hours. I was actually the one who noted that something was different about her and pushed my husband to get her assessed. I'll also add that I am 42, and have no bio children. I met my husband when I was 37, so a woman's age isn't always necessarily related to tolerance of a childs behaviour 

My point is, that for your sons bio mum to reach her limit with him to the point of sending him to you to live, are you sure he is a "typical teenager" as you say? That's a pretty drastic action on his mum's part, it wouldn't happen for no reason.

How long have you and your wife been divorced? Could he be having a delayed reaction to that?

Have he and your new wife gotten along in the past? My girl and I have always had a good relationship...first as friends, then good friends and now it's evolved to a mother-daughter type relationship (without taking ANYTHING away from her mum).

Can you give us some more information?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dogbert said:


> Is it so hard to understand that just like there are selfish men, that there are also selfish women? The basic facts are that a mother has thrown her child back at her ex-husband and that his newlywed wife hates his son. Both actions speak very loudly of both women's characters.


Sure there are shellfish women. No one person here is saying that there are not.

The issue is however there is a chance here that the boy is a problem. 13 year old boys often behave very different towards their mother and step mother than they do when their father is around.

The OP has not given us much of any info about what the problems were/are. Instead he spends most of his post trashing his wife. 

Kids can be very manipulative. Here's an example of how it works sometimes.

I have a step son how came to live with me full time when he was 12. When he was with his mother he behaved. When he was with his father he behaved. When he was a alone with me he was a monster. Yes a monster. He did things like came at me with a pretty heavy weight chain trying to beat me with it. He had a mouth on him that would make a sailor cringe. I could fill a book with the horrific things he did when his mother and father were not there.

I'm not saying that this is what the OP's sons is doing. But there are some big missing pieces in the OP's story so far.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Dogbert said:


> Is it so hard to understand that just like there are selfish men, that there are also selfish women? The basic facts are that a mother has thrown her child back at her ex-husband and that his newlywed wife hates his son. Both actions speak very loudly of both women's characters.


Yeah, we know there are selfish women. 

But TWO women have rejected this kid. We are curious as to why.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

staarz21 said:


> Yeah, we know there are selfish women.
> 
> But TWO women have rejected this kid. We are curious as to why.


Perhaps also because the father has a lousy partner picker.

The kid has, for all practical purposes, become a motherless child, so should the OP throw him out as well and complete the parental abandonment started by his mother?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dogbert said:


> Perhaps also because the father has a lousy partner picker.
> 
> The kid has, for all practical purposes, become a motherless child, so should the OP throw him out as well and complete the parental abandonment started by his mother?


Those who are asking questions are trying to clarify as the situation could go either way from what the OP said: two selfish women or a 13 year old boy who is acting out and his father does not recognize it.

The solution is different depending on which one it is. 

No one has suggested throwing him out.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

The kid's parents are divorced, he's at a vulnerable age, his biological mother basically abandoned him, and he can tell that his new stepmom hates him. I feel beyond sorry for this child. I'm absolutely certain he can be a bit of a handful given those circumstances, whether the OP is being fully candid about that or not. His behavior isn't the point, or even a question. 

If things are that tumultuous in "your wife's" house - then yes, get out of there and save your child. Get him in counseling and into a healthy home environment where he'll actually have a chance.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Your wife knew that you had a son and on any given and should know you come as a package deal. If she can't understand that then move on. 

I was a 13 year old boy once. Long time ago 1961 when I hit the magic 13 but just because he's 13 doesn't give him the right to fire off his mouth. Your the dad and when he does, smart mouth part of your job being a dad is judge, jury and executioner. Time for you to let him know that bad attitude and smart mouthing ain't cutting it. Curb it now befroe it gets worse.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I think before laying down the law on a 13 year old there first has to be a warm, loving, safe relationship, so respect and honor have already been developed. Yes, it is right to set boundaries and teach him how to be respectful, but that starts by being a good, solid person he trust and relies on. Hopefully you are that kind of father. If not, there is no time to start like the present.
If a parent doesn't have their kids back, who does? We are our children's support system and should be dedicated to their well-being. Anyone who gets in the way of that should get out of the way or be put out of the way.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

The fact that your wife gives no real reason other than "he's annoying" is pretty clear evidence that she is looking to pick a fight. She wants out, and he is her scapegoat.

You need to focus on your son and on why YOU are drawn to women who are utterly selfish. Find a therapist to help you work on this. I don't know what behaviors or personality traits such women share in the "getting to know you" stage (abusers come on VERY hard, sweeping their next victim off her feet and so she has NO idea he is rushing her b/c he cannot maintain his good behavior for long, for example--so the rushing into love thing is a red flag for women who know this), but a good therapist will help you figure it out and let you know what to look for so you don't make the same mistake a 3rd time. 

Good luck.


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## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

How was your relationship before your son came "HOME"?????????


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

We're not going to know anything until OP comes back and clarifies the situation.

50/50 he comes back. I give it a 10% chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

intheory said:


> 41 and getting an allowance. Wow. I guess I'm both astonished and jealous.
> 
> Don't nurses (ideally) have to be both down-to-earth and compassionate with others. Wonder how her career will pan out.
> 
> ...


No kidding. If the OP is honest in his assessment of his new wife, then he certainly picked another "winner".

Am I the only one that can't help but think about the timing of the dumping of the boy by his mother? It almost coincides with the OP's marriage to his new wife. It seems that the XW had no problem with the kid's smart mouth that is until her XH remarried.

In any case, the OP needs to contact an attorney and request to have the court grant him physical custody of his son and to request any child support payments paid to his XW, during the months that he has been the primary caregiver of his son, to be repaid back to him. If his XW wants to wash her hands of her son, then she should be nailed to pay child support payments until the boy turns 18.





sisters359 said:


> The fact that your wife gives no real reason other than "he's annoying" is pretty clear evidence that she is looking to pick a fight. She wants out, and he is her scapegoat.
> 
> You need to focus on your son and on why YOU are drawn to women who are utterly selfish. Find a therapist to help you work on this. I don't know what behaviors or personality traits such women share in the "getting to know you" stage (abusers come on VERY hard, sweeping their next victim off her feet and so she has NO idea he is rushing her b/c he cannot maintain his good behavior for long, for example--so the rushing into love thing is a red flag for women who know this), but a good therapist will help you figure it out and let you know what to look for so you don't make the same mistake a 3rd time.
> 
> Good luck.


You nailed it.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Just take your child out of her house!

If she wants to file for D, don't bother contesting it.

She's a nurse, she will be OK.

Meanwhile, you can take some parenting classes, learn how to lead your son. In five years, who knows what this boy will be, but if you don't get him out of that house, she will make him into a monster if he already isn't one now.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> We're not going to know anything until OP comes back and clarifies the situation.
> 
> 50/50 he comes back. I give it a 10% chance.


:iagree:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Can't say I'm overwhelmed by the love you two have for each other. Why did you get married? 

While I don't agree with what she's doing, if your version of events and your son is accurate, I do have to wonder if she had much of a say in suddenly having a teenager living with her. She's not going to love him, or even like him necessarily, just because you impregnated his mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm wondering...

How much time did you spend with your son per week while he lived with your ex-wife?

How much time do you spend with your son per week now (just you two doing things together)?

How much time do you spend with your wife (just you two doing things together) before and after your son moved in?

It's interesting that you gloss over the reasons your first wife does not want to deal with your son, yet your current wife is expected to step up. Your son is obviously part of your life, so your current wife should be accepting of this. However, keep in mind that her lifestyle is changing almost immediately by your son moving into the house. You cannot expect her to just be happy about this. It may take time for her to adjust or she may never adjust, this is just a possibility.

It would help to know the specific reasons why your ex-wife does no longer want to be the custodial parent.

Current wife may be spoiled, but if you truly feel that way, plus mention her emotional immaturity (and these things grate on you as they clearly do), it doesn't leave much good to say about her.


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## ech99 (Feb 20, 2012)

Hi OP...I also am 42, married a wonderful man with a 13 year old son. Have a 13 year old son of my own. I have to say my husbands son is annoying as Heck. My husband does not see it at all. Maybe you do not see what other people see. Blow it off as "being 13". Give your wife some space. Maybe she is spoiled, but I think she may have a point here. I don't think its jealously. I think maybe he is really annoying to her. Maybe he does not respect her when you are not around. There could be a lot of things you don't realize that are going on.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

ALWAYS choose your child over a new H/W. Always.

In your case, I would get an awesome apartment near my sons school (unless its not a great school in which case talk to him about moving), pack our bags and move us out.

Sell your house and do all else to wind down your short, bad mistake of a marriage.

Love your son. You will be ever so glad you did decades from now.

Best,
Sapi


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Agree totally with placing the welfare of your son first!

Both his mother and your W seem to be the immature ones here! Much like me, you don't seem to have a lot of luck in picking out wives! 

Regarding your W, given her circumstances, I would have divorced her yesterday! Just continue to let her live off of her parents allowance!*


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Nothing since May 3rd.

It would be nice if newbies could at least post that they are reading the comments.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

breeze said:


> Can't say I'm overwhelmed by the love you two have for each other. Why did you get married?
> 
> While I don't agree with what she's doing, if your version of events and your son is accurate, I do have to wonder if she had much of a say in suddenly having a teenager living with her. She's not going to love him, or even like him necessarily, just because you impregnated his mother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Um....if you marry someone who has children, there is always a chance that the children will end up living with you full time. Serious illness, death, other tragic events. Ring a bell?

You don't get to have a choice when you marry a person with kids,.


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