# Good Marriage or Good Friends Bad Marriage?



## ChaseM

I will try to make this short so I don't bore anyone, this is my first time here and would like other peoples advice. I am a 30 year old male and have been married 6 years. It has been an up and down marriage. I had an affair 2 years ago and was ready for a divorce but she wouldn't let us go. The affair ended and I was still ready to go but she convinced me to give it another try and that she would not be so demanding and overbearing. Since then it's been good and bad. We get along good but I see her more as a friend than a marriage partner. I do not show her affection such as hugs and kisses unless she takes them and I have not told her i loved her in over 2 years. I know she loves me very much and I doubt I could ever find anyone that would love me more but I just can't return the love in the ways I feel I should. As I said we get along fine but I just don't have the loving feelings for and I am wondering if I am wasting both our time. I guess at this point I have 3 choices try to love her, just keep going on the way we are, or try a seperation. FYI-I have tried the Mort Fertel book and also the Divorce Busting book and just can't find the love. Please give any input that you can. Thanks. 
I could go into more detail about many things, if you want more information about anything just ask and I will post. Just wanted to keep it shortish for now.


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## BitterSweetSymphony

If you are sure you have no love for this woman then let her find the love she needs.


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## flipflopchic

What caused the affair? That seems to be the turning point. The affair was broken off but do you still see this person at all?


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## MarkTwain

flipflopchic said:


> What caused the affair? That seems to be the turning point. The affair was broken off but do you still see this person at all?


Yes, please go into as much detail as you can around this. Why don't show her affection. Was it like that before the affair?


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## ChaseM

We were having problems prior to the affair and the person was someone who I have always liked from High School. We ran into each other in Las Vegas and it started from there. The reason I don't think it is the affair that caused this is because I was feeling like this before the affair and now 2 years later I still feel the same. I did not show her much affection even before affair. I do not see this person anymore or talk to her. I'm not sure why I don't show her affection, I guess it's because I really don't like hugging or kissing her. We have discussed my not showing her affection and she still wants to be with me, I'm honestly not sure why because she is a person who needs that. I have attempted a couple times to try a seperation but something always comes up, she will suggest staying in the spare room then in a week we're back to the same as it was. 
Thanks for the comments, let me know what else you would like to know and I will go into further detail.


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## MarkTwain

ChaseM-

I understand there are no cuddles or hugging.
How often do you guys have sex?


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## ChaseM

Sex is about once a month.


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## Sprite

If you do not feel like you love her like you should...you can not MAKE yourself love her. By doing so would only prolong the exsistance you have with her now.

Does she love you? or does she need someone to love and you happen to be there?


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## MarkTwain

ChaseM said:


> Sex is about once a month.


Who would like it more often, you or her?


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## Kiwi

Hi, im about to try the Mort Fortel course, what did you think? my way is living away at the moment, do you think he can help????? very desperate as i love her very much and dont want to lose her as she is my life!!!! - thanks


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## ChaseM

MarkTwain said:


> Who would like it more often, you or her?


I would like it more often.


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## ChaseM

Kiwi said:


> Hi, im about to try the Mort Fortel course, what did you think? my way is living away at the moment, do you think he can help????? very desperate as i love her very much and dont want to lose her as she is my life!!!! - thanks


Kiwi, if you love her and don't want to lose her I would definitely try the course. It didn't work for me but when you are to a point you need to try anything you can. I hope it works for you.


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## ChaseM

Sprite said:


> If you do not feel like you love her like you should...you can not MAKE yourself love her. By doing so would only prolong the exsistance you have with her now.
> 
> Does she love you? or does she need someone to love and you happen to be there?


That is a good question, I am pretty positive that she loves me and not just convenient that I am here. I also agree that you can't MAKE yourself love someone but some of the courses I have read and listened to seem to think that you can so I guess I was wondering if it was just me that can't MAKE myself love someone.


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## sunflower

Ya I dont think that you should be in something that you ARE NOT IN. you know what I mean its not fair to you or her.


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## Momto9

You had an affair only 2 years into the marriage? That is such a fast decline that I'm wondering what attracted you to your wife that you wanted to marry her, but basically left her so quickly.


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## MarkTwain

ChaseM said:


> I would like it more often.


So I don't understand. You say you want more sex, but you don't show her affection. Can you expand on that? What exactly do you want?


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## honey28

Your feelings can change, but only if you want them to. The way we think about things dictates many of our feelings and behaviors. Try to find the things that made you fall in love with your wife and focus on them. Be open and honest with her, tell her what you find attractive, what turns you on/off, what your interests are, etc...It is very hard to be attracted to someone when you feel like you cannot be yourself. Talk to her, tell her how you really feel and decide in your head and heart if you want this marriage or not.


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