# My wife is leaving me for another woman



## Louk84

Hi. My wife and met 8 years ago, married for 4 years. Last year we bought our dream apartment together and planning our futures. 

We wanted to have kids also. Our relationship was great and was never boring. We have same passions in life.

Last week we went to the beach for the day. We were holding hands and apreciate the sea view with a beer. All was well. We came back home has a glass of wine, we cooked and we had sex.

The next day she just stopped talking to me. I felt like something was wrong as she did not kiss me as usual. So when i came back from work i ask her why are you so quite, what happens.she there is nothing. But still did not want to talk to be. 

Next morning i ask her again. What happen? She said i realise i do not want kids nor having a family. She looked so confused. I was shocked as well. I went to work and i wanted to speak to her when she comes back from work. 

She come in the flat. She sat down and says that there did not say everything she had to say this morning. Then she told me i have strong feeling for an ex work colleague with whom they went out for few drinks the previous week. She says when she left her at the pub, she was missing her. She says thats she does not know what is happening to her. She is very attracted to her.

She told me she loves me and she is aware she threw our dreams under the bus but the feeling is much stronger. I was completely loss, i felt my world just crumble in front of me in less than 2 minutes. I feel powerless, sad and i feel disapointed. 

I do not know how to deal with this. I told her that we need a break for me to clear myself and for her to find out her sexuality and her feelings. She agrees to leave for sometimes. I am devastated, lonely and very very sad.

She was my best friend as well. In my heart i want her to go and stay with the OW in the hope she will find out about her and about our marriage. 

I still hope that she will come back to me which i know it can sound stupid. But i love my wife very much. Any advise will be much appreciated.


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## farsidejunky

Do not fight for her. If she is questioning the marriage, she is already neck deep in an affair with this woman.

No kids. I would calmly sit her down and tell her that you love her too much to hold her back, and love yourself too much to share her with another, so the best course of action is divorce. 

Consult an attorney to understand what you will be facing financially.

Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt

Probably just as well you have not had children yet.

See a lawyer about protecting your rights and your finances.


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## SunCMars

farsidejunky said:


> Do not fight for her. If she is questioning the marriage, *she is already neck deep in an affair with this woman.
> *
> No kids. I would calmly sit her down and tell her that you love her too much to hold her back, and love yourself too much to share her with another, so the best course of action is divorce.
> 
> Consult an attorney to understand what you will be facing financially.
> 
> Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Yes, I agree....

They were already in an affair before the other women left.

It is more than neck deep, it is a total, head to toe, physical affair already.

When a woman leaves her husband for another man, it is one thing.
When a woman leaves her husband for another woman, it is two things.

You have two very high hurdles to overcome.

Let her go.

Not only is she disloyal to you, she is disloyal to (delete).





[THM]- The Typist I


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## NorseViking

Louk84 said:


> My wife and met 8 years ago, married for 4 years.
> Last year we bought our dream apartment together and planning our futures.
> 
> We wanted to have kids also.
> Our relationship was great and was never boring.
> We have same passions in life.
> 
> She said i realise i do not want kids nor having a family.
> She looked so confused.
> 
> Then she told me i have strong feeling for an ex work colleague
> with whom they went out for few drinks the previous week.
> She says when she left her at the pub, she was missing her.
> She says thats she does not know what is happening to her.
> She is very attracted to her.


OK...
Well, life is not easy and nor is relationships easy.
I would ask her if she could tell me honestly 
if as a hubby I did something wrong if I was you.
As to meet her needs, like emotional needs first.

Other for that.
Lawyer up and hit her with divorce papers fast.
They gives her a time frame to act on and will shock her into reality.
If she still is strong on divorce, she will leave you then.
Divide your assets and get as much as you can.
When dump her and go no contact with her.
Dating is tough, yes.
But, not impossible.
Be strong through it, women like strong men.
Maybe she will see you in a different light.
Who knows?


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## Diana7

This lady is cheating after less that 4 years of marriage. You have had a lucky escape.
No one leaves their spouse after one meeting, they have probably been seeing each other for many months or even years. Cheaters will always lie and minimise.


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## notmyjamie

I'm SO sorry!!! I have been there, done that, and got no tshirt for it. In my case, I caught my husband trolling for anonymous hookups with men online. He didn't even have the decency to let me go. Denied everything, said he found the site while helping someone at work with a computer issue (He works IT) and that he was confused and curious but only because he had been abused as a kid. So I stayed for another 13 years. Worse mistake of my life. Even now, after finding more and more evidence, he says it's just a curiosity. 

Don't be me. You're lucky enough that she is at least telling you the truth now so you can get out and rebuild your life now while you're young. I agree with the the advice that you should file and move on no matter how painful that may be. Believe me, it will be SO much worse if you stay and realize 15 years from now that your whole marriage was a lie. 

Visit this site, you may find it helpful. Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

Feel free to PM me if you need more support as well. I wish someone had offered me that 14 years ago. 

*hugs*


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## zookeeper

...just drop off the key, Lee...and get yourself free.


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## notmyjamie

NorseViking said:


> OK...
> Well, life is not easy and nor is relationships easy.
> I would ask her if she could tell me honestly
> if as a hubby I did something wrong if I was you.
> As to meet her needs, like emotional needs first.


Seriously??? Are you insinuating that she has become a homosexual because of something HE did wrong??? There are SO many things wrong with that I can't even count them. 

OP, please, please, please, don't even think for ONE minute that your wife is coming out because of you. She's coming out because of herself. End.of.story.


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## Marc878

Let her go. You can waste a lot of time/life you'll never get back jumping through hoops trying to fix something you can't fix.

This didn't just happen. She probably been neck deep in an affair for quite some time.

Don't go off on a fools errand. You made a mistake marrying her don't compound it.


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## Andy1001

If you’re serious about wanting your wife back even though she is cheating on you then you are in for a rough ride. 
You now know that your wife is open to pursuing a relationship with someone she is attracted to. On this occasion it’s a woman,next time it may be a man.
When people reconcile after an affair there are usually certain safeguards put in place to avoid a recurrence, you will have twice the problem because your wife is bisexual.
Frankly I think you should file for divorce because you will never be able to trust your wife again.


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## NorseViking

notmyjamie said:


> Seriously??? Are you insinuating that she has become a homosexual because of something HE did wrong??? There are SO many things wrong with that I can't even count them.
> 
> OP, please, please, please, don't even think for ONE minute that your wife is coming out because of you. She's coming out because of herself. End.of.story.


If a woman can not get her needs met in a relationship,
she will often go on the outside of marriage to get them met.
Gender is irrelevant sometimes.
It is when opportunity is there.


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## notmyjamie

NorseViking said:


> notmyjamie said:
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously??? Are you insinuating that she has become a homosexual because of something HE did wrong??? There are SO many things wrong with that I can't even count them.
> 
> OP, please, please, please, don't even think for ONE minute that your wife is coming out because of you. She's coming out because of herself. End.of.story.
> 
> 
> 
> If a woman can not get her needs met,
> she will often go on the outside of marriage.
> Gender is irrelevant.
Click to expand...

As someone who has left her gay husband I can assure you that gender is NOT irrelevant. If you haven’t lived it you have NO idea.


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## SunCMars

Gay wife, or gay husband equals a gray life, where the sight unseen is the real, clearly living reality.

Yep.





[THM]- The Typist I


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## Betrayedone

zookeeper said:


> ...just drop off the key, Lee...and get yourself free.


..........Paul Simon


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## phillybeffandswiss

NorseViking said:


> OK...
> Well, life is not easy and nor is relationships easy.
> I would ask her if she could tell me honestly
> if as a hubby I did something wrong if I was you.
> As to meet her needs, like emotional needs first.


Nope. You don't ask a liar for honesty.


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## SunCMars

...


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## Lostinthought61

i bet you would not have told her that if the other person was a guy...there is no difference here cheating is cheating she made her bed and now you need to move on. Stop acting like plan b, and file.


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## red oak

SunCMars said:


> Maybe...
> 
> She is also coming out because Hollywood and every publication under the Sun says it is all good and natural.
> 
> Society, incrementally, pushes people into these difficult corners.
> 
> There are a whole lot of people who are not 'naturally' gay.
> 
> But, they are very impressionable. They can be led to believe in anything.
> 
> For example, they can be led to believe in open borders, letting felons and terrorists vote, legalizing harmful drugs, letting homeless people live anywhere they wish, giving out free healthcare and free tuition and killing babies after they are born alive.
> Uh, yes. The world is full of foolish people.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [THM]-


Agree.

I know I probably shouldn't say this anywhere because very few believe it, but it is the truth.
There is an underground movement using a combination of skills to attack marriage through women.
Watched a documentary on a situation in Switzerland couple years ago.
Much like the thread where the man's wife got him arrested:

It starts with someone seeing a "professional " of some kind on a totally unrelated Matt and suddenly realizes she is abused by her husband. ( his situation follows same pattern of documentary I watched. )

If they can get them into the women's shelter and finished all the material and films they were given, to a T everyone of them interviewed said they always considered themselves straight but came to the realization through the materials they had always been lesbian and could never see themselves being with a man again.

The books and the films helped them to realize it they said.

What happened to OP here is getting more prevalent world wide. 

:frown2:

OP. Really not much you can do but move on.


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## jsmart

More than likely this has been an affair for a while that recently was taken to another level.

For her to be cheating on such a short marriage, you know she is not wife material. Personally, I would file D ASAP and thank your lucky stars that you don't have any kids. 

PS: Please get that she's my best friend non-sense out of your head. Best friends don't betray you like she has.


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