# Want to get married in my late 40s



## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

I am one of those single, college-educated over 40-year-old women who are more likely to die in a terrorist attack than ever walk down the aisle. I am 47 years old single woman with masters degree, who have never been married. 

I hesitated to post this because in my previous post someone said he was curious about why I had never been married. More interestingly, my 46 year boyfriend has never been married either. Yeah, I know it sounds strange, but what can I say?

I have had a few long term relationships in the past, but nothing worked out for me to get married with them. Probably because I was an immigrant to this country and had no family or high shool friends, I have never felt any pressure. 

But anyway, my question here is if I can ever get married with my current biyfriend. I love him more than anything else. For the first time in my life I am really serious to get married with this man. I have been with him for a year and half and gotten to know all of his family members and friends. For the first time I came to realize I want to be with this man for the rest of my life. 

At my age I cannot have a baby, so you might wonder why I bother getting married. But I want to be recognized as his wife rather than girlfriend. I want all of my friends and my family that I committed myself to this man. I want to buy a house together with him and live with him for the rest of my life. 

But I am not sure if he ever proposes me. Before I started dating him, I said to him that I had never married because I didn't want to. I don't know why I said that, but I did. So he might think that I don't want to get married with him although he knows I love him very much. Also, I am not sure if he wants to get married. After all, in our late 40s what purpose there is to get married? 

I am hesitant to talk about marriage because I don't want to pressure him. But I want to get married with him. Do you have any suggestions or comments?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Not sure if I'm the best person to answer this but since no one else seems to want to answer it... I'll give it my bet shot..

Can you talk to him? If not, maybe he's not the guy for you.

You need to talk to him... Tell him you've been thinking about it... You love him very much.. and you would like to get married and buy a home...

See how he responds... If he proposes.. GREAT!

If not.. IMO, you need to tell him it's time to start dating other people. 

After all, if it's not leading to marriage.. you need to find someone else... someone who will marry you..

If the conversation did't spur him... losing him might.

Oh, and BTW..I'm serious about moving on. If you really want marry...and this guy isn't going to do it... move on and keep moving until you find Mr. Right.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Just bring it up and talk to him. What can it hurt?

If he says he never wants to be married, will you two break up so you can look for a husband? Or would you stay with him anyway?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Tell him that you've been thinking about marriage, and ask him to give it some thought. 

You should feel free to share your thoughts and feelings about marriage with him. Give him time to think about his feelings and what marriage means to him. If he's open to the idea, he'll think about it.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Im going to disagree. But I know I am younger (28) and feel really funny trying to give advice to someone who have live longer than me an experience more. But in the scheme of things one and a half years is not really that longer. Give him some time to bring it up, I say at least 2 and a half or 3 years. Let the relationship stand the test of time. 

Also, if he want to marry you (and prayerfully he does) it will be nothing like experience him telling you that he love you, want to spend the rest of his life with you, and ask you to be his wife. You will never forget that. Since you want to get married you might as well get the whole romantic package!

I hope he ask you!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> Im going to disagree. But I know I am younger (28) and feel really funny trying to give advice to someone who have live longer than me an experience more. But in the scheme of things one and a half years is not really that longer. Give him some time to bring it up, I say at least 2 and a half or 3 years. Let the relationship stand the test of time.
> 
> Also, if he want to marry you (and prayerfully he does) it will be nothing like experience him telling you that he love you, want to spend the rest of his life with you, and ask you to be his wife. You will never forget that. Since you want to get married you might as well get the whole romantic package!
> 
> I hope he ask you!


I've always heard that if a guy hasn't asked you to marry him in 18 months.. the odds are he isn't going to..

Unless she's willing to settle for being remaining a girlfriend... move on..

If you really want to be married and you dating someone who isn't going to marry you... move on... and keep moving until you meet the one.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

hambone said:


> I've always heard that if a guy hasn't asked you to marry him in 18 months.. the odds are he isn't going to..
> 
> Unless she's willing to settle for being remaining a girlfriend... move on..
> 
> If you really want to be married and you dating someone who isn't going to marry you... move on... and keep moving until you meet the one.


Then why do people always say wait awhile to really get to know them? Can you know somebody in a year and a half? I don't know, just asking


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> Then why do people always say wait awhile to really get to know them? Can you know somebody in a year and a half? I don't know, just asking


I had no intention of getting married when I met the love of my life.

I knew within a couple of weeks after meeting her that I wanted to marry her. I dated a lot and NO ONE had ever made me feel the way she made me feel. 

She is my best friend... I don't feel superior to her.. I don't feel inferior to her... I am totally comfortable talking to her. I can tell her ANYTHING (and I do)... We have no secrets. We use the same password for everything. 

Don't settle for less. 

I believe you can make someone like you.. you can't make them love you... That chemistry just has to be there. 

We don't have to work at our marriage. 

Does that help?


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

Thank all of you for your comments. Actually I am hoping that he will ask me, instead of me asking him because I don't want to push him to say it. (But he has never said he wasn't interested in marriage.) 

Marriage itself isn't my goal, so if he doesn't want to get married, be it. I will still be with him because I love him. 

But as some suggested above, I will probably ask him the question if he doesn't ask me for another year or so. I will wait for a little while though. At this age, I don't feel like I need to rush.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

I have 5 cousins that are over 50 and none of them have ever been married. It is not that they didn’t have an opportunity it is just they decided that they do not want to marry. One was in a very serious auto accident and is disabled so that may be a reason for one of them. The other four are normal and somewhat good looking. The female (age 51) has a masters degree and makes a salary in the six figures; travels all over the USA. Her brother (age 54) also makes in the six figures, however, he does have one child but never married.

I think I will ask them the same question that I am going to ask you.
*Why did you not want to marry for over 40 years?*

Blunt


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

Hahahaha, Mr. Blunt. It is not that I didn't want to marry. My past relationships didn't lead to marriage for the following reasons: I lost interest in two of them; other two lost interest in me. I have had other short term relationships as well. But I never regret anything. In fact, I am quite happy that I have never married because I met my current boyfriend. It took me 46 years to find him, which makes me think it will take another half century to find a man like him. I will stick to him.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Jackie1607 said:


> Thank all of you for your comments. Actually I am hoping that he will ask me, instead of me asking him because I don't want to push him to say it. (But he has never said he wasn't interested in marriage.)
> 
> Marriage itself isn't my goal, so if he doesn't want to get married, be it. I will still be with him because I love him.
> 
> But as some suggested above, I will probably ask him the question if he doesn't ask me for another year or so. I will wait for a little while though. At this age, I don't feel like I need to rush.


Telling him your dreams about a future together is not pushing. It's sharing your thoughts and feelings and hopes with the man you love. He might have zero idea that you want to get married since you told him you never wanted to marry before. 

If you're afraid to bring it up, or you can't bring yourself to mention it, that's not a good start for marriage. Being able to be open about who you are and what you want in your life is important - that's how you get to know each other. 

People who marry talk about it before a proposal. They talk about children and money and sex and living situations and fears and hopes for a life together. They are excited and happy about it, not hesitant to even bring it up.

Don't set up a situation where you are waiting for a year to even mention what you're thinking while he has no idea what you want.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Jackie1607 said:


> Hahahaha, Mr. Blunt. It is not that I didn't want to marry. My past relationships didn't lead to marriage for the following reasons: I lost interest in two of them; other two lost interest in me. I have had other short term relationships as well. But I never regret anything. In fact, I am quite happy that I have never married because I met my current boyfriend. It took me 46 years to find him, which makes me think it will take another half century to find a man like him. I will stick to him.


Have you asked him why he hasn't married in all this time?


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

You can mention that you have a change of heart on the marriage subject. Give him some hints. Say that you would have married if a man like him crossed your path. But that you're glad you waited, so that you could meet him. Tell him just what you wrote here.
If he's anywhere near your wave lenght on the matter, he will ask you. If not, and you still want him, marriage is in your hearts after all. A signature on a document won't mean he loves you more.
I'm glad you found the One, age is just a number!


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## uncool (Dec 12, 2010)

Marriage takes tollerance and tons of patience. Is this what you have? If not then don't marry this poor dude. 
If so, tell him to poop or get off the pot. (so to speak) tell him your feelings. This way he'll know what you want. Because at this point he probably thinks you still don't want to get married. Don't leave him to read your mind. Guys don't just get it half the time... I know cause I'm a guy in his mid 40's

to help with your mama/baby syndrome... try babysitting somebodys toddler for a couple days... I'm being serious. It'll drive you crazy. If you marry him you can always adopt and have that dream fulfilled I guess. I know cause I was adopted and I have ancient parents.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

I agree with the posters who have recommended some patience. The topic of marriage will come up over time, as you have relatives or friends who get married. 

I think the 'if he doesn't ask you in 18 months he is never going to ask' is more of a young man stereotype, it happens more in the 25-35 yr range when women typically want to get married more than men (this is my experience anyways). After 35 or 40, or when kids are not part of the equation, its just not so urgent.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If he's got it good with you while being unmarried, he will not marry you. In what way would marriage improve his life?

If being married is important to you, it has to be a condition of continuing the relationship.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

If I were you, I'd bring it up casually in a conversation. Tell him that you've waited all these years for the right man(which is true) and the right man is him.

Good luck!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

A blunt conversation may be in order with him.


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## evenstar (Jul 26, 2013)

I would recommend being straight with him in a low-key way. Since you originally told him you never wanted to get married, even if he would like to marry you he won't ask, because he'll expect to get rejected.

Nothing wrong with telling him you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and never thought you would be in a place where being married would feel really good, until now, with him. 

Then see what he says.

He might be thrilled.

He might need time to process it.

I doubt he'll panic, if you have a good relationship.

One step at a time, this is a big change in thinking for both of you.

I totally get it, why you want to be married. I remarried last year at age 47, after 15 years of single life (divorced first H when I was 32). For the longest time I had NO interest in ever being married again. But being with new H felt so right that the commitment of marriage meant so much, all the right things about being husband and wife.


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## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

Have you talked about his desire to have children? Maybe that is a factor?


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

He says at his age he doesn't want a child, but before we started dating, he told me that he had never tried to avoid marriage or anything like that. The same as me; no relationships led to marriage for some reason. 

I will probably bring it up to him eventually. I don't think he will ever panic or reject. He may not say yes or no right away, but I'm sure he will think about it and give me a thoughtful answer.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

Yea, if you can't talk to him about it he defiantly wouldn't make a good husband for you.

I'll also tell you the same thing I told my now aunt a few years back. It's a modern world, women can propose too.


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

Many of you here suggested I talk about my feelings with him. But if I do, will he take it as proposal? Then my boyfriend, who is very masculine in mentality as well as physically, might feel it is emasculating?

I found a woman's opinion on wemen's proposal:

"No, of course a woman shouldn’t propose to a man. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if he hasn’t asked you to marry him, it isn’t because he’s never heard of marriage. It is because he doesn’t want to marry you. Also, you’re going to resent him for making you ask. It’s not romantic. If the time has come and he isn’t making a move, then it’s time for you to go." 

Ummmm, what do men feel if a woman propose him?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Jackie1607 said:


> Many of you here suggested I talk about my feelings with him. But if I do, will he take it as proposal? Then my boyfriend, who is very masculine in mentality as well as physically, might feel it is emasculating?
> 
> I found a woman's opinion on wemen's proposal:
> 
> ...


You don't want to be married to a man who doesn't want to be married to you. There's about a 100% chance it will end badly.

Let me let you in on something that seems to confuse a lot of women. I have frequently heard women say, "He's afraid of commitment." NO. What that means is that he doesn't want to be committed to YOU. When that guy finds a woman he truely hard down loves... he will marry them. I am living proof of that. I had absolutely no intention of getting married ever... Then, I met a woman just could not live without. 

If you want to be married and this guy hasn't asked you after 18 months. You need to move on...

And it just maybe that the guy... who up to now has been having his cake and eating it to... might decided he doesn't want to lose you...


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

That sucks. This month is our 18th month.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

IN a good relationship you can talk to your partner about anything, anything at all. 

In the past you told him that you are not interested in marriage. He will most likely honor that and not ask you unless you let him know that you have had a change of heart.

Find a way to tell him that he is so wonderful that your heart has changed. Don't propose but let him know. You could use a talk about "forever". That forever sounds good to you for the first time in your life.

If he asks, are you proposing? Response, no I'm not . But if you propose to me I will definitely say "yes". Keep it light and flirtatious.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

Don't kick him to the curb because he hasn't proposed yet. Last he knew you weren't interested in getting married. You should let him know that your interested in it.

Personally I don't think its a bad thing for a woman to propose, but I'm not saying you should. You should let him know you you changed your mind on marriage.

You also can't put a timeline on it. I know lots of people who dated for more than 18 months before getting married. My wife and I dated for 5 years before getting engaged and it was another year before we were married.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

captainstormy said:


> Don't kick him to the curb because he hasn't proposed yet. Last he knew you weren't interested in getting married. You should let him know that your interested in it.
> 
> Personally I don't think its a bad thing for a woman to propose, but I'm not saying you should. You should let him know you you changed your mind on marriage.
> 
> You also can't put a timeline on it. I know lots of people who dated for more than 18 months before getting married. My wife and I dated for 5 years before getting engaged and it was another year before we were married.


I'm curious... so, what were you doing those first 5 years. Were you dating in earnest? Or, just casually dating... good friends... 

What changed at the 5 year mark?


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

hambone said:


> I'm curious... so, what were you doing those first 5 years. Were you dating in earnest? Or, just casually dating... good friends...
> 
> What changed at the 5 year mark?


We both wanted to make sure we were truly compatible long term. My parents divorced when I was 1 and while her parents are still together, this is each of their second marriage.

This part won't be a problem for the OP since she's older, but being that we meet in our early 20's we wanted to make sure that we had time to know who we were individually before we made any lifelong commitments together. People change a whole lot between their early and late 20's. 

We have both seen so many people our own age get married and divorced repeatedly because they keep rushing into marriage. It actually takes two hands to count the number of people I know back home from high school (just 11 years ago for me) that have been divorced more than 3 times already.

Plus, we figured if we are truly going to be together the rest of our lives whats the rush?

ETA:

What really changed at the 5 year mark? It's hard to answer specifically. We were both finally in a spot in our life where we are comfortable. Between the two of us we often had something else big going on in our lives at the time that adding getting married into things seemed like an extra burden to plan and pay for. 

In the 5 years between when we officially started dating (knew each other for a year or two before then) and I proposed, we had a lot of serious life events together.
We each lost very very close family members
I finished college
I got laid off
I lived with her for a little while
She got laid off
She lived with me for a little while
She went back to college
She bounced around a couple of seasonal jobs for a while
Crazy family drama galore for both of us. (like Cops/Jerry Springer level drama)

We figured if we can go through all of that together in 5 years that we should be good for the rest of our lives.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

captainstormy said:


> We both wanted to make sure we were truly compatible long term. My parents divorced when I was 1 and while her parents are still together, this is each of their second marriage.
> 
> This part won't be a problem for the OP since she's older, but being that we meet in our early 20's we wanted to make sure that we had time to know who we were individually before we made any lifelong commitments together. People change a whole lot between their early and late 20's.
> 
> ...




When I met her... it was like thumper getting twitterpated.

Thumper gets a girlfriend! - YouTube

I KNEW she was the right one for me...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You are way overthinking this.

There is nothing wrong with finding someone you have such a connection with that you wan to marry them--at any age. 

And just because you don't have or don't want or will not have children does not mean you cannot get married. There are plenty of childless couples or couples who already have children w/ other people who marry and decide not to have anymore. 

Not everyone is the same. 

Talk to him about how you feel. Ask him where he sees the relationship going. Tell him what your thoughts are. And decide what is best as a couple.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> You are way overthinking this.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with finding someone you have such a connection with that you wan to marry them--at any age.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Discussing your relationship and your future is not the same as proposing. Most couples discuss the future long before a proposal.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I would just wait for the right opportunity to say that he is the first man you have ever known who you would be happy to stay with for life.

Then leave it to him for a while


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## Jackie1607 (Jan 22, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> You are way overthinking this.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with finding someone you have such a connection with that you wan to marry them--at any age.
> 
> ...


I guess I want to know "where he sees [our] relationship going."


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I guess it depends...

Do you want to get married because you feel like you are missing out on something or because you know this is The One and no one else made you feel that way?

What will change in your relationship once you get married?

Do you have any reason to be insecure that this won't last forever without a piece of paper?

Is it for religious reasons?

Did you have a serious convo with him before or was this not getting married talk done in passing?

Odds are he would ask anyway- even if you said you didn't want to be married. But you can have a serious or non serious talk about this again.

I don't think that's pressuring a grown man at all.


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## aesky (Jun 20, 2013)

> I've always heard that if a guy hasn't asked you to marry him in 18 months.. the odds are he isn't going to..


That may be true but I know many cases in which it was not. We were together for around six or seven years - I dont' really remember, and one day she suggested we get married so I said "sure" and we did. 

I wasn't as romantic as I should have been but I loved her deeply and she felt the same. Unfortunately, she was able to express it better than I and after 20 years of my non-communication, she grew weary of carrying the burden alone. Now I'm so depressed I don't know where to turn, especially because I know that I brought on so much of my pain.

But that's not the point. The point is, there's no reason to think you won't get married just because you haven't yet.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

aesky said:


> That may be true but I know many cases in which it was not. We were together for around six or seven years - I dont' really remember, and one day she suggested we get married so I said "sure" and we did.
> 
> I wasn't as romantic as I should have been but I loved her deeply and she felt the same. Unfortunately, she was able to express it better than I and after 20 years of my non-communication, she grew weary of carrying the burden alone. Now I'm so depressed I don't know where to turn, especially because I know that I brought on so much of my pain.
> 
> But that's not the point. The point is, there's no reason to think you won't get married just because you haven't yet.


I tend to agree, I don't think it's the kind of thing you can put a time limit on. Not that I'm saying everyone should take 5+ years to get married but I don't think it's the kind of think you can say that if it hasn't happened by X months forget about it.

I know lots of people from my age on up to my grandparents age that dated for 2-5 years before getting married(not counting my wife and I). Off the top of my head a rough estimate of at least a dozen couples. Only one of them ended up getting divorced.

I also know at least the same amount of people who have gotten married after less than 2 years of dating. They defiantly have a higher rate of divorce. In the past 2 years I can name 3 people in this group who were on their first marriage that got divorced.

In the grand scheme of things, 18 months isn't really that long of a time to get to know someone. Not to mention the fact that just because you love someone doesn't necessarily mean you two can work out a happy life together.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

captainstormy said:


> I tend to agree, I don't think it's the kind of thing you can put a time limit on. Not that I'm saying everyone should take 5+ years to get married but I don't think it's the kind of think you can say that if it hasn't happened by X months forget about it.
> 
> I know lots of people from my age on up to my grandparents age that dated for 2-5 years before getting married(not counting my wife and I). Off the top of my head a rough estimate of at least a dozen couples. Only one of them ended up getting divorced.
> 
> ...



When I met my wife, I knew with in a matter of weeks after I met my wife that she was special.

If you've been dating someone 18 months... and you're not sure if you're in love... you are most assuredly NOT in love. 

If you marry that person... you are settling.


The really bad thing is that dating someone you're not sure about... takes you off the market. You aren't going to meet that special person while you're are tied up with Mr. or Mrs. OKay...

And another mistake a lot of people make is... they date someone a long time... and decide well, we're either got to break up or get married. And they get married. 

Are you kidding me? If you are that unsure... you need to break up and if breaking up was a mistake... get back together and go get married..

Far too many people settle.. They marry someone they aren't in love with...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You can know you are in love without knowing whether you are truly compatible, share the same values, share the same vision and dreams for the future, share the same ideas on how a household is to be run, how money is to be spent, how children would be raised, etc.

Love is not enough for a successful marriage. It's vital, but love alone is not enough. That's why some people take a lot longer to determine if they are right for each other. Everyone you fall in love with is not "the one".


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

norajane said:


> You can know you are in love without knowing whether you are truly compatible, share the same values, share the same vision and dreams for the future, share the same ideas on how a household is to be run, how money is to be spent, how children would be raised, etc.
> 
> Love is not enough for a successful marriage. It's vital, but love alone is not enough. That's why some people take a lot longer to determine if they are right for each other. Everyone you fall in love with is not "the one".


I have been in what I thought was love several times. When I meet my future wife... it was different. It was over powering. No one has ever made me feel like she did. And she made me feel so special. 

I would work 12 hours... go over to her house and make go go eyes with her... Just look in to her eyes, stroke her face, her hair, kiss her and that was as far as it went... I'd leave her house at 5 or 6 am... go home sleep for an hour or two.. take a shower and go to work and work another 12 hour shift... go back and do it again. She consumed my every thought. 

I'd been in love before. This was different. This was wayyyyyy beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. 

Those people that are dating beyond 18 months and are unsure at that point. They really need to break up and date other people and find that special person that makes them feel like my wife made me feel.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

hambone said:


> I've always heard that if a guy hasn't asked you to marry him in 18 months.. the odds are he isn't going to..


My oldest nephew dated his g'f for EIGHT years before getting married to her. Granted they were early 20s when they started dating. But they got married last August and just had their 1st baby a few weeks ago. 

I recommend NEVER mentioning marriage to man; let it be HIS idea.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

hambone said:


> Those people that are dating beyond 18 months and are unsure at that point. They really need to break up and date other people and find that special person that makes them feel like my wife made me feel.


I suppose you and I are probably never going to agree on this viewpoint.

I knew i wanted to marry my wife for a long time before I actually proposed but there were a whole lot more questions and issues to work out for both of us aside from just love.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

hambone said:


> I have been in what I thought was love several times. When I meet my future wife... it was different. It was over powering. No one has ever made me feel like she did. And she made me feel so special.
> 
> I would work 12 hours... go over to her house and make go go eyes with her... Just look in to her eyes, stroke her face, her hair, kiss her and that was as far as it went... I'd leave her house at 5 or 6 am... go home sleep for an hour or two.. take a shower and go to work and work another 12 hour shift... go back and do it again. She consumed my every thought.
> 
> ...


That overpowering love feeling is exactly what tends to fade somewhat at the 18 month-2 year mark as the brain chemicals start to wear off. That's the PERFECT time to take a more objective look at the relationship, compatibility, goals, etc., when you are not blinded by the awesome in-live feelings. That's the time to assess whether you've developed the kind of love that is about giving, that you are comfortable with how disagreements are handled, and that your long term and short term goals are compatible.

A lot of people who marry in that early in-love stage live to regret it later when they find out their spouse has different views on key issues.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

captainstormy said:


> I suppose you and I are probably never going to agree on this viewpoint.
> 
> I knew i wanted to marry my wife for a long time before I actually proposed but there were a whole lot more questions and issues to work out for both of us aside from just love.


Lets be clear. I'm not saying it can't happen... I'm saying that the odds are pretty much stacked against it happening. But, after 18 months... it's time to force the issue. 

IMO, If you are on the fence after 18 months, still having doubts about that person being the right person... especially if I'm a female... and I WANT to be married... That guy has had enough time... time to cut our losses and move on. 

Now, if he truly loves you but just haven't had the courage to ask you to marry him... the thought of losing you will prompt him to ask you...

On the other hand, if he let's you go... he was never going to ask you any way. Better to move on than waste more time waiting on him...


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

It sounds as if you are saying that marriage itself was not a goal for you. But this person is special to you, and because of that you are now interested in marriage for the first time. 

What a wonderful thing to tell him!

And if it scares him away.... there's your answer. 

With my husband, I knew that if I did not marry him, I would not marry anybody. Staying single was perfectly fine! But there was something about him....kind of what you're saying. We had been seeing each other for a year and a half. I was 47 when we married. Oh, and he got down on his knees to propose. (And I said "no." I wasn't quite ready! Six months later, he tried again and I said yes.)

If we had not married, i would have stopped seeing him exclusively. At that age I did not feel I had time to give away for free. I intended to see other men, but not with marriage in mind. He was the only one who rang that bell for me. 

Ask yourself: If you stick with him for another two or five years without becoming engaged, are you okay with possibly being single again in your fifties? 

If so..... no rush, no pressure. Lucky you.


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