# Can marriage with little sex last long?



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I had an emotional affair started from stupid online chats for a long while. I'm not sure if that caused my current problem. My husband knew my emotional affair because I told my husband I had emotional affair and I was afraid that I had lost my sexual desire for him... I also cried... he didn't give me any pressure or unhappy face. Can you believe? zero anger, zero spying, zero further questioning me. He was a bit sad and that's all what he had... Anyway, my stupid emotional affair had ended itself. Yet, my sexual passion for my husband hasn't returned, and I've no idea where my sexual desire is... I don't fancy that stupid guy anymore although I used to fancy him. 
There're some up and down in my marriage but we've been hand in hand and very close to each other. How to find my passion back for my husband? He's been a very good husband but I just don't know what happened to me...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

You must have had an attraction to him at one point or you wouldn't have married him. What did you used to find attractive about him and how has he changed?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you themrs! You have just remindered me the past. Yes, we were hot and attracted to each other when we just met. Now we both became lazy to please each other.
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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

We used to party, drink and then have fun. If we go party, we will come home tired or drunk but we will fancy the bed to sleep.
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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

How about doing something that will make him want you back. Sometimes, we are so comfortable with each other looks and use to it..hence you said became lazy. What chat online, when you can pick up gym, make yourself look good where he notice you.

And Point blank tell him again and again third time, your leaving and still looks great! It's just my opinion.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thanks I know what you mean. My husband does notice me every now and then... The problem is I've no passion for him, I feel comfortable to stay "unnoticed," I don't mind having little sex, like once a month. I lost my desire for my husband. How to find it back? Any advice please?
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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

People have to justify everything they do. If you two don't have sex, you have to find or create a reason to explain to yourself why you don't. Similarly, if you make yourself get back into the habit of being intimate, you will soon both convince yourselves that you are being intimate because you seriously desire each other. Simply put, you may have to fake it till you can make it.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Thanks I know what you mean. My husband does notice me every now and then... The problem is I've no passion for him, I feel comfortable to stay "unnoticed," I don't mind having little sex, like once a month. I lost my desire for my husband. How to find it back? Any advice please?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk it out with your husband, let me tell you he is super hurt and if you don't try to get closer to him, he'll just be more resentful towards you....in physicology what seems to happen is that love may become hate when there is a situation that pushes one over the edge....and you having an online affair may perfectly end your marriage...so talk to your husband - make sure you have time and under close doors talk about everything why you felt the need to have this kind of affair online in the first place and why you have aparted from him....if he still loves you, he'll appriciate you reaching out to him....talk about your problems....sometimes it is difficult and don't run away from them even if things become very heated...keep sane and logic and keep at it.....those who are able to express all what they feel and those with better chances to be happy


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you very much! I appreciate your advice a lot! Do you think he would feel super hurt? I have to find out.
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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Guess what. I think my husband is a fine husband. He's fine with everything I offer already. So why I must work harder? He didn't mind it when I tried to find excuses not to get intimacy with him. We would just watch tv together until very sleepy.
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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Guess what. I think my husband is a fine husband. He's fine with everything I offer already. So why I must work harder? He didn't mind it when I tried to find excuses not to get intimacy with him. We would just watch tv together until very sleepy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hopefully it is not the case, correct me if i may be mistaken, but sometimes the fear of rejection will kill off any remaining desires, forcing him to accept the fact that it will be useless to keep hoping for it...


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

malmale said:


> hopefully it is not the case, correct me if i may be mistaken, but sometimes the fear of rejection will kill off any remaining desires, forcing him to accept the fact that it will be useless to keep hoping for it...


You're totally right. So what would you suggest me to do?
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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> You're totally right. So what would you suggest me to do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


when was the last time u guys made love? well i am not pro in this, but i would say that what u described is what i am more or less feeling as of now. sometimes guys are just suckers when it comes us to not wanting to make u ladies mad, and too much rejection for something so dear to us aint something fun to go through all the time.

if i am ur hubby, i would love it if there is a chance to discuss about ur sexuality. maybe u can start of by asking whether he still finds u attractive n stuff. then u maybe u can proceed to ask if his love for u is still that strong and he still desires for u, y has he stopped initiating sex for so long..

u may be opening a can of worms, but i believe sometimes it is better late than never. good luck


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I will give it a try, I think he's gonna love it! Many thanks!
Now I've got an idea to turn him on. How about turn myself on? I'm not very horny whenever he comes near. Do I have to fake it all the time? I did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I will give it a try, I think he's gonna love it! Many thanks!
> Now I've got an idea to turn him on. How about turn myself on? I'm not very horny whenever he comes near. Do I have to fake it all the time? I did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


how wud u feel if he faked his feelings towards u? sex is sorta sacred or even the religion of men, fake it n get caught, u'll loose him forever

if u cant reach orgasm, then just say it, it may be hurting to ur hubby, but at least it gives him more drive n reason to find out if it is his skills that r lacking, or even he has not aroused u enuf...

y dun u try putting on the sexy lingerie, sit by the fire place sipping wine or just having a fun chat, see how he response towards u. very likely u will surprise him but due to too many prior rejections, he may not make the 1st move.

but hey, he's ur hubby for god's sake, u wont lose anything trying to turn him on or even taking the 1st step in saving ur marriage


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> Now I've got an idea to turn him on. How about turn myself on? I'm not very horny whenever he comes near. Do I have to fake it all the time? I did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I have a suggestion that is not the norm to help you regain that previous passion. Although this will take some time to do and hopefully you have the " Movie Maker" free software on your computer (I know this software came with my Dells). 

Gather & scan a bunch of pictures of just you & him, wedding photos, etc from when you met until now, drag them into this Movie Maker software, add one of you & his special love songs, or a song you personally feel (or want to feel) about him. 

I made one of these "movies" for my son's Grad party to play back for all the guests -with inspiraing Grad songs, etc. Because it is SO EASY TO DO, I then decided to make a special one for me & my husband. I literally stayed up all night to accomplish this one night & when I played this back --- WOW, these beautiful memories FLOODED me, I started balling, it was all good, it gave me this "Overwhelmng apprecaition" for what I have here RIGHT NOW in my life, what I have always had -that for awhile, I was taking for granted. 

I made one of these for a friend too, scanned all her Wedding pics & more, when she played it back for her husband , HE CRIED.

Very touching, and something very special to arouse the emotions of yesterday and spike the passion for today.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"So why I must work harder? He didn't mind it when I tried to find excuses not to get intimacy with him." 

Your goal is to increase your level of passion. I find it very hard to believe your husband didn't mind your rejection. Lots of people quietly suck down mountains of hurt every day. He's human, so rejection hurts him, just like it hurts you or anyone else. 
The reason you might want to "work harder" is that you aren't happy where you're at and unless you do something to change your situation, you won't be getting anything more out of life than you're getting right now. If you were completely thrilled with your marriage, you'd be off somewhere burning up the sheets and not hanging around a forum for wounded relationship warriors.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

SimplyAmorous. 

Thanks for your movie making idea. It's a very cute idea. 

I had a little problem here. 

My husband has been the one who enjoys collecting and keeping all our photos in order. He loves to take photo with his expensive camera. Using some photos, he also created many discs like movies, including those I look ugly.

He displays all our family photos on his Facebook, again, including those I looked silly and ugly and I hated to see them being displayed in public, yet, he never wanted to remove. 

Anyway, I guess he has viewed those wedding photos hundreds of time by himself pretty often.

Still, he would feel touched to see a loving moive that I create and it's very special for him. Guess the cute movie would be watched and appreciated only 1 time by him, then the disc would be forgotten somewhere in the studio together with my stuffs. 

He doesn't keep my stuffs, my discs and my movie creations are MY STUFFS in his opinion. 

Nevertheless, it still worths. He's very predictable, I already know his reaction.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

malmale said:


> how wud u feel if he faked his feelings towards u? sex is sorta sacred or even the religion of men, fake it n get caught, u'll loose him forever
> 
> if u cant reach orgasm, then just say it, it may be hurting to ur hubby, but at least it gives him more drive n reason to find out if it is his skills that r lacking, or even he has not aroused u enuf...
> 
> ...


Yes, you are right! He's my hubby for God's sake and I won't lose anything trying to turn him on. Also, you had pointed out something very important here- He might not make his 1st move due to too many rejections. Very true. It took him a long while to get ready before making his 1st move.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> "So why I must work harder? He didn't mind it when I tried to find excuses not to get intimacy with him."
> 
> Your goal is to increase your level of passion. I find it very hard to believe your husband didn't mind your rejection. Lots of people quietly suck down mountains of hurt every day. He's human, so rejection hurts him, just like it hurts you or anyone else.
> The reason you might want to "work harder" is that you aren't happy where you're at and unless you do something to change your situation, you won't be getting anything more out of life than you're getting right now. If you were completely thrilled with your marriage, you'd be off somewhere burning up the sheets and not hanging around a forum for wounded relationship warriors.


I know I should work harder and I've been hanging around this forum to find someone who has same problem like me in the marriage, wondering to know if it's possible to fall back in love with my husband. 

I do love my husband very much, but it's more family love than passionate love. 

How do I increase my passion level? I can be a bit more playful and "acting" horny as it's my task to save my marriage; however, deep in our hearts, we both know we're not so connected to each other in bed as it might seem. That's why we have once a month for we should get laid at least once a month or we would have none. 

When sex has become a duty that a spouse should be responsible to offer, it's not very enjoyable for him and for me.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

friendly said:


> Yes, you are right! He's my hubby for God's sake and I won't lose anything trying to turn him on. Also, you had pointed out something very important here- He might not make his 1st move due to too many rejections. Very true. It took him a long while to get ready before making his 1st move.


glad to assist!:smthumbup:
take little steps, build back the confidance u 2 shared when u were courting or when u guys just got hitched. try to find that long lost sweet loving smile that both of u had just by looking at each other long long long time ago!

but once u have reached that level u both MUST work out ways to keep the relationship fresh or it will go downstream again!

but meantime, dun stress n pressure urself out, think positively and do have fun with the fire burning again!


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I thought my account "Friendly" was banned because of name calling-I "F U" someone in the forum. 

But suddenly now it's active again.  So I will use my old account "Friendly" but I'm not going to F anyone anymore. 

Sorry, it's just my nasty habbit when talking, I said a lot of f u and f that, including to my hubby. It's Adam Sandler's fault, he has been promoting F word and encouraging people to use it more often by saying it loudly and proudly, and I did.  and I got banned. LOL

Guess I have to changed the habbit as my teen girl also started to be a copy cat. Sometime she would shout out from her mouth, "What the F! "


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You could approach it in a number of ways. Sex doesn't always have to be about being head-over-heels in love or in lust. Sometimes it's just about fun. Sometimes it can more about caring and nurturing. If he's sort of a cold fish right now, you might view it as a friendly challenge. You know how to tease a guy and make him want you. You probably mastered the art in high school and few straight men can resist when a woman starts running this game on them. Don't view it as a chore or a duty. This is something you're doing primarily for you. You are the one who craves more passion. The best way for me to get what I want (sexually) is for me to just forget about me and concentrate on giving my wife pleasure. He's just a guy, the most simple of all organisms. What woman can't turn any one of us into a slobbering idiot? Seduce the hell out this guy and start curling his toes on a regular basis and your rewards will come back to you ten fold.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

friendly said:


> I thought my account "Friendly" was banned because of name calling-I "F U" someone in the forum.
> 
> But suddenly now it's active again.  So I will use my old account "Friendly" but I'm not going to F anyone anymore.
> 
> ...


if only u would change from mere mentioning it and instead putting the F word into action, ur hubby wud be f*ing high rite now! LOL


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

_*THE TRUTH- AND THE TRUTH ON TRUE LOVE
By:Cynthriaa*_

Well, this a real dumb thing to be​Asking someone this- I for one do not use the word "Sex" though. I have been married to my husband for
17 years now- We made love all the time when we were dating and also a year into our marriage. After a year has past things begun to change for him. (No, nothing on my part changed) he stopped calling me his little pet names, he stopped making love with me everyday, even sometime it would have been two time a day. He would go down to about once a week- sometime it would even be once a month. Then it was whenever he was in the mood. As the years went on... I was really beginning to hurt and think to myself that I have done something wrong, that he does not like making love with me, that I just am not any good. These are things that went on inside of my head. I do not know what it was back then but when this part happen- where he stopped making love with me for a year and half- that was very hard on me. It was due to meds he was taking and made it where he just did not want it whatsoever...​
Anyway- he also stopped going down on me​Which was something he has always done (Back when we were dating and a year or two into the marriage)
I would always give him some of the best Blow jobs there was. He would get off within matter of seconds the longest would be five minutes... I act like it did not bother me that he did not act on his part
But it did hurt and it still does. I then stopped doing for him as well, I stopped for the longest time. I now have been doing it once again for him. Even though our love making just picked back up after waiting the year and half, It has now been six months into it. He is picking up somewhat- we have now made love 18 times within the six months- YES IT SUCKS ON THE DATES... But it is better than it was...​
I had a talk with him yesterday​About him doing the four play with me- all he said was "I will play with you" I was his first he
Has ever had- his first on everything. (He was also 31 when we started dating) So, I guess that could be why, things are the way they are though. Also there is a side of him you all do not know- and that would make it different... Now as you would say "Sex" is not everything in a marriage and being together with someone. Yes, it is a big part of it- but no, you would not really lose your marriage over it- or I would have left mine. If you have true love within your heart- this question would not have been asked...​Also if there was true love within you- you would not have cheated.


When two people are truly in love with each other​You, would not have another person that would enter your heart- it just is not possible for this to even happen; I am going to tell you why, it is not possible. When you are committed to the person you are with; what is it that you are giving that person? You are giving that person your heart and your soul now- for this to happen now- you are giving you whole heart to that person. You, sure would not just give half of the heart to the person and save the other part for another So, now if you were to ever hear someone say- or if you are to say "I love you- but I am not in love with you... 

I love this person"​​You are not loving nether of them then. You, cannot love two people at once- what it is, is where you are having strong affection between the two (Which will feel like love) but it really isn't... Love, is something that comes from your heart- and for that to happen it is the whole heart not just part of it... Also when you are to commit to a person, you are not to cheat on them; and being married that also goes the same way- but even more to not cheating on that person. If you are going to marry someone; then you are to put that person into your heart. You are to show that person all the love you can for them- you will let them know just how much you truly love them; how much you are in love with them. 

If you are not for sure​That person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with- then do not marry the person. If you are not able to keep with the one person and not cheat- why, go through a marriage then? Being married with someone is something very special and it is something that God, brings to us. Just like he is the one who gave us our hearts that beat- and we are the ones who, gives our hearts to the ones we love- so, why is there really so many people out here who would cheat on the ones they are with?


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> People have to justify everything they do. If you two don't have sex, you have to find or create a reason to explain to yourself why you don't. Similarly, if you make yourself get back into the habit of being intimate, you will soon both convince yourselves that you are being intimate because you seriously desire each other. Simply put, you may have to fake it till you can make it.



:iagree:​You are very right on what you have told this person- with their posting. And yes, sometimes you do have to fake it- but on my part my husband would know if I were faking. When I get ready to cum and when I do- My whole body just goes crazy and there is not anyway I would be able to fake that and make my body do what it does when I do cum. What you did tell this person was a wise thing though


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I should save my marriage. When it's time to have sex, we're like 2 slothes on the tree. I'm wondering how to fall back in love if it's only me thinking about it. Nothing is gonna change...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sloths in trees have sex. Nobody makes porno movies about them, but whatever they do works for their purposes. Your husband isn't dead, so he likes pleasurable sensations, too. Half of the world's population don't even get to pick their own spouses. They don't fall in love, they have to manufacture it from scratch and their marriages tend to last longer than our's. You might as well be romancing your husband. Did you have some other plans for the next 20+ years of your life?


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I should save my marriage. When it's time to have sex, we're like 2 slothes on the tree. I'm wondering how to fall back in love if it's only me thinking about it. Nothing is gonna change...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well, it is never gonna be easy, but try to change ur mindset, and u still start to see changes! when u think about all the negativity, u tend to forget and oversee all the little things that matter


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank very much for all your comments. I will give it a try when timing is right, but surely not tonight. My mindset is not ready, and I don't want to act horny because I'm not. My husband seems not going to care also. As usual, he would watch TV, his favorite programs until he's sleepy when I would read threads and comments from my handphone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

take ur time, no pressure


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Hi BlueEyedBeauty, when I read your posts, they brought me tears. You're totally right about love. I can't cut love into half and share them with 2 different men.
All my passionate love has buried with my past affair. What I have for my husband is family love. Do you have a brother? You love your brother and you do your best to help but you wouldn't feel like to have sex with him. That's exactly how I love my husband. I know your thoughts can go very deep and you probably understand what I mean. I'm thinking about go back to dig my passion where I buried it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Hi BlueEyedBeauty, when I read your posts, they brought me tears. You're totally right about love. I can't cut love into half and share them with 2 different men.
> All my passionate love has buried with my past affair. What I have for my husband is family love. Do you have a brother? You love your brother and you do your best to help but you wouldn't feel like to have sex with him. That's exactly how I love my husband. I know your thoughts can go very deep and you probably understand what I mean. I'm thinking about go back to dig my passion where I buried it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you, MsLonely-

I have always done my part that I could on helping the ones in need... Yes, I have brother- I really do not talk with my family all that much. They all wrote me off- my folks thinks more of the two then me... My brother also raped me for four years as well & no I did not like him doing that- I do see what you are saying though


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I'm terribly sorry for your family situation! It's a painful memory of what your brother did to you...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Thank very much for all your comments. I will give it a try when timing is right, but surely not tonight. My mindset is not ready, and I don't want to act horny because I'm not. My husband seems not going to care also. As usual, he would watch TV, his favorite programs until he's sleepy when I would read threads and comments from my handphone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


any hot plans this weekend?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

So far nothing happened as expected, but I "did" it myself without my husband's help everyday!! I felt confused.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

friendly said:


> So far nothing happened as expected, but I "did" it myself without my husband's help everyday!! I felt confused.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


what's stopping u from doing it with him around? say he's lying on the bed reading a book, u on the other hand start to finger urself, let him notice how hot it is to see u getting sl**ty n notty!


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

As Nike says, "just do it". Doing it, and enjoying it, will bring back the desires. For me, what brought back the desire in overdrive, was when we ended up in a rear entry position because we were in a semi-public place. Damn, he gave me tingles and goosebumps with every thrust. How can I not want that again?

Make it pleasurable, and you will want more!


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi

sharing

The more you do it the more you will want it. The more you schedule it the more it will happen and the feelings etc will come back as well. schedule it meaning planning for it that week-still planning it for the following week even if it doesn't happne that week but it must happen or yes it will die. sex is vital to the relationship-

Women need nonsexual affection through out the day either by phone conversation with teh spouse or something-nonsexual foreplay leads to sexual foreplay

judith


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Do you know that many men are able to f*** senselessly without actually in love with that woman? That's why they're not bored with whxxxs and prons in a meaningless and purposeless manner.

When a man loves a woman madly, he eventually needs to feel his d... inside her in a hurry. That's what I'm waiting for. I need a real thing. Yes, if I flirt and beg for a F like hell, he wouldn't hesitate to give me a senseless F. In that case, I rather do it myself.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> As Nike says, "just do it". Doing it, and enjoying it, will bring back the desires. For me, what brought back the desire in overdrive, was when we ended up in a rear entry position because we were in a semi-public place. Damn, he gave me tingles and goosebumps with every thrust. How can I not want that again?
> 
> Make it pleasurable, and you will want more!


I would love that thrust, too! When my husband is not yet in that mood and desire due to stressful work, I'll wait.

He has proposed a short holiday away from home, finding a desent place and hotel. Just he and me. So my daughter won't come to knock the door when we're about to kiss and my dog won't bark at the door when we need some peace and privacy.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Interestingly enough, I have discovered that there are marriages that flourish just fine without regular sexual intimacy.

Someone I know told me "that's not why we're together and married, it's never been #1 (sex)." So, apparently some people just enjoy each other's company, have similar interests, goals, likes and dislikes and love each other for those reasons and sex just isn't at the top of the list.

Now for me...issues with no sex. But, would I stay married to my husband if there was little sex due to issues beyond his (or my) control - if I truly loved him - then yes--I'm living that now. But - the little sex is NOT HIS FAULT, so I had to weigh out if I loved him enough to stand beside him and help to try and work this out or not - the answer was easy for me - YES.

Do I get frustrated - yes; do I get pissed off that this had to happen to us - yes; do I wish things were like they used to be - yes; but you play the hand you're dealt. 

So I guess it depends on what you want/need out of the marriage and how high up on the list sex is. 

It's pretty high up on mine, but everyone's not me!


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Ms Lonely

see responses below yours

I had an emotional affair started from stupid online chats for a long while. I'm not sure if that caused my current problem. My husband knew my emotional affair because I told my husband I had emotional affair and I was afraid that I had lost my sexual desire for him... I also cried... he didn't give me any pressure or unhappy face. Can you believe? 


There're some up and down in my marriage but we've been hand in hand and very close to each other. How to find my passion back for my husband? He's been a very good husband but I just don't know what happened to me...

Judith: Do you date once a week even to just get to know each other or talk about crucial things? Do you start off with nonsexual affection at all during the day at the end of the day etc... Do you start with that before sexual touch? 

Does he do things for you throughout the day like call you and talk to you etc? It takes time for the desire to rebuild. But it can happen. Have you talked through all the issues with a counselor etc. It is vital that nonsexual touch be happening vs none at all

Men dont realize that women need the convo and the nonsexual touch etc to feel close and have sex etc. 

If you work -you need the transition time to switch from work to sexy lady. In time the desire will return. 

I can recommend some books that talk about this..

Judith


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Some of my passion has come back for my husband. We used to get intimacy once a month. My target for now is once a week. I'm still 50% far from my target.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Some of my passion has come back for my husband. We used to get intimacy once a month. My target for now is once a week. I'm still 50% far from my target.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


try to spice things up so that it will not feel like a rutine


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Lacking of spicy ideas. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Lacking of spicy ideas.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hmmm, when was the last time u had a bubble bath together?


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

HI Ms lonely

Sometimes after have the crucial convo to work things out. It is very important that -the attempt is made-sometimes like ice cream-you may not want some but then after you have some you are glad you had some. Sometimes we need to make the will to do it and then the feelings will follow. Sometimes we can't wait on the feelings

Also YOu may just need both of you to start over from fresh and besides the dating -at least pursue nonsexual affection wihtout it pursuing sex. The key is for both ofyou to find the touch that works all over again. to even feel good that you can feel anything in the sexual areas. 

Remember you both may be experience shame etc and be awkward at talking about it. Sex is hard to talk about -maybe writing about it would be better. 

I Rather Eat Choc

maybe both ofyou come to an agreement about what you both need for sex at this time. in what you want to try to see what happens and have an agreement on what u want and he wants in sex. then after a few months reevaluate. 

YOU do need to talk to him about the affair and inform him as to why you did it-clear the air communication is key especially for a woman

Sometimes men have a hard time talking about it-sometimes talking anonymously is what helps. Do you think he would come on here adn talk-? 

Sometimes it takes a third party to show things two people may not be seeing. I did that with a friend of mine. she requested it. That is why counseling is suggested but since men especially have a hard time with talking about it-maybe talking to somone on here would help open the door to what is missing and that both are afraid to say

Thoughts? Is shame on both parts keeping you from talking? 

Judith

Judith


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

I Rather Eat Choc than Have Sex is about a woman who didn't want it and didn't realize the value of it till after the fact. But her and her spouse almost divorce for not have it


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

jmsclayton said:


> HI Ms lonely
> 
> Sometimes after have the crucial convo to work things out. It is very important that -the attempt is made-sometimes like ice cream-you may not want some but then after you have some you are glad you had some. Sometimes we need to make the will to do it and then the feelings will follow. Sometimes we can't wait on the feelings
> 
> ...


Hi Judith, thank you very much for your insights. I did tell my husband the truth of my EA since it happened. He never wanted to know or asked for more details information about my EA. For him, internet affair is sort of stupid illusion. 

My husand knows I'm in this forum and he's not very interested in any relationship & marriage topics. 

Acutally, at this moment, I'm quite happy with him. My marriage is smooth and peaceful. We have improve our sexual life as well, I mean, at least from once a month to twice a month. It's a 100 % growth. Love making is also hotter than before.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

HI mslonely

Hi Judith, thank you very much for your insights. I did tell my husband the truth of my EA since it happened. He never wanted to know or asked for more details information about my EA. For him, internet affair is sort of stupid illusion.

Judith: Good

My husand knows I'm in this forum and he's not very interested in any relationship & marriage topics.

Judith; See below

Acutally, at this moment, I'm quite happy with him. My marriage is smooth and peaceful. We have improve our sexual life as well, I mean, at least from once a month to twice a month. It's a 100 % growth. Love making is also hotter than before.

Jduith; good-it will be back to what you wanted like the first place

What I was trying to say above was that -If your husband is still reluctant to talk to a therapist. I care about marriages and want them to survive or any partnership. I thought that through the Private messageing system on here he could talk to me and you and me-or him and me to help him process as to why he is reluctant to see one. My friend had me do teh same with her spouse and her. even with him privately

Confidentiality. Or yahoo IM... Thoughts? 

Offer is there

Judith


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

malmale said:


> hopefully it is not the case, correct me if i may be mistaken, but sometimes the fear of rejection will kill off any remaining desires, forcing him to accept the fact that it will be useless to keep hoping for it...


Yes, I agree. Often i accept my wife's lack of desire because I know she is not interested, I accept it and we get along. If I go a week without I start to get in a very bad mood, I literally hurt down there. If I don't relieve myself I will act like a lunatic. Sex is a Misdemeanor. The more you mis it the meanor you get.
How, some men can go months with no sex of any kind is mind blowing to me. Thats just not my make up. My wife's limit is usually a month before she has to have it. And usually it is during her menstrual cycle which really turns me off, all the blood during sex. I just can't do it unless it's been a long time. But she gets offended when i dont plow into it blood and all. Not sure how other men feel about that but lots of blood everywhere is a turn off.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm afraid this is a problem with me, too. By the time she's willing to do anything, I'm so pissed off at her for all the rejection that I'd almost just rather not.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

buy something sexy, wear it, and get your man.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> I'm afraid this is a problem with me, too. By the time she's willing to do anything, I'm so pissed off at her for all the rejection that I'd almost just rather not.


i sincrely hope ur not gonna sulk ur whole life being with her, eh?


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