# Need help, boyfriend flirts with his own cousins



## sam423

Been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1.5 years. About 4 years ago, he met a girl at community college one year younger and flirted with her for about a week, until they exchanged last names and realized they were cousins (his dad has never been in his life, so he never grew up with this cousin and didn't know her until he met her by accident). Through her, he met her younger sister, who is currently 19. Not looking for a lecture on this, but I read through his phone in the mornings when he is still asleep (we only see each other on weekends). It's a habit I'm trying to move away from, but he has violated my trust multiple times and at the moment I find it's something I can't help but do. Younger cousin, 19, is very innocent and nice. For the first year or so of our relationship he was closer with her, and I've spent a significant amount of time with her. Found texts from him to her once where he said he was bored at home watching TV and he asked her to come cuddle/said his bed would be warmer if she was in it. 

But the texts between him and the older cousin are a bit more bothersome. He has talked to her in detail about some parts of our sex life, and she gives fairly graphic responses. She calls him things like "sexy" and "boo" and he calls her "babe" etc. She one time said she was bored so he said "we could get naked and start the revolution" (a line from a movie that he often says to me jokingly before sex). I've only ever met her once, very briefly, but she is much more outgoing/sexually forward than her younger sister.

I know I can't bring any of this up with him because I've wrongfully found the information, but it disturbs me deeply! I largely believe that he doesn't even realize that it's "over the line" and not really normal to talk to a cousin that way, but in my opinion, it's blatant flirting. I've had dreams of him cheating on me with the older cousin, and I get tense and upset whenever he mentions her/sees her (not to his knowledge). There are times when he'll mention to me that he's been talking with her, but then over the weekend he has deleted the text thread between them (but has left all his other text threads). There was also one occurrence where I saw texts on a Saturday morning, and Sunday morning the texts were gone, but none of the others were. I am 100% certain he doesn't know I go through his phone.

Even if it doesn't mean anything romantically or sexually, it, at the very least, makes it feel like it means nothing when he flirts with me, because he obviously says the same things to other people. I once found out that he called one of his female friends "the most beautiful girl in the world" and his justification was always that "that's how he would talk to his cousins".

I know it's wrong that I go through his private things, but in the meantime, what do I do about this cousin business? It's beginning to eat away at me and makes me slightly uncomfortable around him. Am I overreacting?


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## Dark Nova

You are jot over reacting. Your boyfriend's relationship with both of his cousins is definitely crossing a line. He is using sexually suggestive language with both of them. And don't buy into his "that's how you talk to cousins" bull****.
Would you feel comfortable asking your male cousins to come over and get naked? 
His behavior is not just disrespectful to you, it is crossing into some seriously immoral territory.
And don't feel guilty for going through his phone. If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't be bothered.
I would suggest looking at the "Coping with Infidelity" thread as members there deal with things like this and may be able to give you an idea of how to proceed.
I am so sorry your boyfriend doesn't see how special you are and sabotages your relationship like this.


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## HopeFloats59

sam423 said:


> Been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1.5 years. About 4 years ago, he met a girl at community college one year younger and flirted with her for about a week, until they exchanged last names and realized they were cousins (his dad has never been in his life, so he never grew up with this cousin and didn't know her until he met her by accident). Through her, he met her younger sister, who is currently 19. Not looking for a lecture on this, but I read through his phone in the mornings when he is still asleep (we only see each other on weekends). It's a habit I'm trying to move away from, but he has violated my trust multiple times and at the moment I find it's something I can't help but do. Younger cousin, 19, is very innocent and nice. For the first year or so of our relationship he was closer with her, and I've spent a significant amount of time with her. Found texts from him to her once where he said he was bored at home watching TV and he asked her to come cuddle/said his bed would be warmer if she was in it.
> 
> But the texts between him and the older cousin are a bit more bothersome. He has talked to her in detail about some parts of our sex life, and she gives fairly graphic responses. She calls him things like "sexy" and "boo" and he calls her "babe" etc. She one time said she was bored so he said "we could get naked and start the revolution" (a line from a movie that he often says to me jokingly before sex). I've only ever met her once, very briefly, but she is much more outgoing/sexually forward than her younger sister.
> 
> I know I can't bring any of this up with him because I've wrongfully found the information, but it disturbs me deeply! I largely believe that he doesn't even realize that it's "over the line" and not really normal to talk to a cousin that way, but in my opinion, it's blatant flirting. I've had dreams of him cheating on me with the older cousin, and I get tense and upset whenever he mentions her/sees her (not to his knowledge). There are times when he'll mention to me that he's been talking with her, but then over the weekend he has deleted the text thread between them (but has left all his other text threads). There was also one occurrence where I saw texts on a Saturday morning, and Sunday morning the texts were gone, but none of the others were. I am 100% certain he doesn't know I go through his phone.
> 
> Even if it doesn't mean anything romantically or sexually, it, at the very least, makes it feel like it means nothing when he flirts with me, because he obviously says the same things to other people. I once found out that he called one of his female friends "the most beautiful girl in the world" and his justification was always that "that's how he would talk to his cousins".
> 
> I know it's wrong that I go through his private things, but in the meantime, what do I do about this cousin business? It's beginning to eat away at me and makes me slightly uncomfortable around him. Am I overreacting?


I don't think you're overreacting either. Let's say this girl or these sisters were not his cousins and he was saying this stuff to them. It would be for sure crossing the line. It seems to me that he's just using the excuse that they're "just cousins" to carry out inappropriate conduct with other women. The fact that they are blood-related cousins is disturbing to me. I actually have a distant cousin (we're cousins through marriage, his mom is my dad's younger brother's wife's younger sister lol). I met him only a few years ago, and we've gotten really close. That said, we've NEVER talked like that. We do talk about our relationships, but we don't flirt with each other. He's like a sister to me. There have been a few times his friends who didn't know we're cousins have asked him if he's interested in me, and his response is, "Ew, she's my cousin". We've already grown close like family, but that's what makes the line even clearer that we DON'T flirt. 

If your bf really viewed these girls as his close relatives, I don't think he would be acting this way. Cousins or not, his behavior is sketchy.


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## Chelle D

Drop him like a hot potato. 

You're young enough to take the time to find the right guy for you.. That will respect you, your relationship & will give you his best & his ALL. When you are the WHOLE of that man's love life, and he is the whole of yours... then You've got the right fish in the sea. That one will be the keeper.

This guy's not. Throw him back in with the other piranhas.


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## Shaggy

Drop him, especially of he is from West Virginia!

The issue at other heart is him flirting. It doesn't even matter that they are cousins.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

It's a bf, not a husband. You have been with him for 1.5 years and don't trust him. GET OUT. This will save you TONS of worry and trauma over the next 10 years if you stay with him.

Count your losses and trade up!


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