# What is "Open Marrige?"



## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

I am in total vent mode this morning. I hope I don't come across as too harsh.

This is not intended as a slam on anyone in particular, but I seem to see the phrase "Open Marriage" used a lot any more. This is a term that makes me want to hurl. It shows how destructive our society has become regarding the marriage vows.

Marriage is an institution that is defined by its very exclusivity. If you are not maintaining an exclusive bond with only one person, you don't have a marriage. Or you have a marriage in name only.

Putting the modifier "Open" in front of the word "Marriage" totally destroys the meaning of the word marriage.

When someone wants an "open" marriage, they are saying they want permission to go have an affair from time to time and not face any consequences from it. The cheater will use this as an implied quid pro quo; "If you let me cheat whenever I want to, I'll let you do likewise."

There is no such thing as an Open Marriage! If you're married, you are either in a Marriage (no qualifier attached), or you are a cheater.


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## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

I agree with you hands down...i'm old school with marriage vows.once you pledged to god to honor the soul in front of you,i take those vows seriously..too many folks today marry just for the thrill & fog their in at that moment just to find out they have nothing in common..marriage should be vital to both parties.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

An open marriage is when two people commit to marriage but in reality don't commit to each other. It very rarely works long term and always leads to great pain and suffering on both sides. Open marriages should be confined to prostitutes and porn stars because their livelihood depends on giving to others what they should reserve for their spouse.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

You know, the lines are soo grey now people dont know boundries its not worth fighting for, just accept it and do whats best for you .And this thing we call "fog" for a WS, its' actually called true love. Just like the true love you had when u dated and married.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

If two consenting adults wish to live that way I will not judge. That said, most people just don't know what they're getting into if they do and the fantasy is almost always better than the reality. Plus the risk outweighs the reward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

open marriage is where the one who proposes it, is already to start an affair and are looking to get permission to cheat.

open marriage is where the BS won't do anything when it's shown to them that their spouse is cheating on them.

open marriage is where the marriage has died.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's when you orgasm with, on, in other people.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> open marriage is where the one who proposes it, is already to start an affair and are looking to get permission to cheat.
> 
> open marriage is where the BS won't do anything when it's shown to them that their spouse is cheating on them.
> 
> open marriage is where the marriage has died.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Open marriage is where the husband/wife who wants it, doesn't really want it for his/her wife/husband despite paying lip service.

Open marriage is where the husband/wife who proposes it often finds that it backfired on him/her when their initially reluctant husband/wife ends up falling in love with his/her lover and eventually leaving with him/her.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

morituri said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> Open marriage is where the spouse who wants it, doesn't really want it for his/her spouse despite paying lip service.
> 
> Open marriage is where the spouse who proposes it often finds that it backfired on him/her when their initially reluctant spouse ends up falling in love with his/her lover and eventually leaving with him/her.


How many times have we heard that one. Eh?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> How many times have we heard that one. Eh?


Sadly, more than I care to count.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I think it is partially cultural. It is important to remember the romantic idea of marriage is fairly new. Historically and in some places in the world today marriage is primarily about economics and which children are to be recognized and supported. When I was in Japan, it seemed fairly common that a husband would seek sex outside of marriage with his wife's knowledge. She may be completely uninterested in sex and happy she is not bothered. 


If there is little love or sex in the marriage, then what does it really matter? I find it depressing and not something I would want to be part of , but some people seem content to live that way.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Personally I find the phrase "open marriage" to be an oxymoron.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Personally I find the phrase "open marriage" to be an oxymoron.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Perhaps it should be termed "open relationship".
Now thatI'm single again, I place no barriers on whatever
the ladies that I date wish to do. I also make it patently clear that I expect none on my decisions, either.
Of course should I ever let early dementia cause me to marry, I would expect my spouse to remain monogamous as would I.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Personally I find the phrase "open marriage" to be an oxymoron.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah with the emphasis on moron.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

hurtnohio said:


> I am in total vent mode this morning. I hope I don't come across as too harsh.
> 
> This is not intended as a slam on anyone in particular, but I seem to see the phrase "Open Marriage" used a lot any more. This is a term that makes me want to hurl. It shows how destructive our society has become regarding the marriage vows.
> 
> ...


One of my best friends has this. It mostly has to do with sex and not marriage. Me and my wife have talked about bringing others in the bedroom for excitement but we feel once you condone that behavior it is asking for trouble. My wife is the best lover I ever had. She's game for everything but that. Once it's allowed we were too worried one of us would be hurt. With a little effort sex with one partner can be everything you want. I'm so blessed to have her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> One of my best friends has this. It mostly has to do with sex and not marriage. Me and my wife have talked about bringing others in the bedroom for excitement but we feel once you condone that behavior it is asking for trouble. My wife is the best lover I ever had. She's game for everything but that. Once it's allowed we were too worried one of us would be hurt. With a little effort sex with one partner can be everything you want. I'm so blessed to have her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, California says that less then 1% of married people are in open marriages. Statistically most fail.

IMO, it is just a way to live recklessly and dangerously.

The few people I knew who did this all divorced.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> Personally I find the phrase "open marriage" to be an oxymoron.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In French it's called _Mariage Blanc_ though strictly speaking it's an unconsummated marriage. But the point is that the couple is technically, legally married but seek and have the normal activities and relationships of marriage outside that marriage.

You know it's funny in a way. In cultures where polygamy is legal and openly practiced, the idea of romantic love is alien. People don't marry for love or sex. In fact in cultures where polygamy is present, married men tend to seek sex and companionship of women outside of that polygamous relationship as well. Moreover in cultures where a man is more or less free to have a _goumada_ his legal marriage to his is not expected to be sexual or romantic either. 

Maybe Americans are the oddballs.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Maybe Americans are the oddballs.


Are you implying that only Americans believe in the traditional, monogamous, marriage?


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, California says that less then 1% of married people are in open marriages. Statistically most fail.
> 
> IMO, it is just a way to live recklessly and dangerously.
> 
> The few people I knew who did this all divorced.


Probably has alot to do with the fact that sex should be connected with love. Over the infidelity years our sex life went pretty lame. We still had sex but it just wasn't the fun it once was. 3 months pryor to D Day she suddenly started going the extra mile to please me again. Once I saw this I really went the extra mile for her. I really felt so much in my heart when she got like this with me. It had been so long since she was so much fun. I felt we were on the rise. Then the news came a few months later. The good news is the sex life is still on the rise. It never had to get lame. It was both our faults it did along with kids banging on the door every time we had a few minutes. Now we just tell them to go away.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Imagine if marriage could be revoked, just like a driver's license, when breaking the 'law'? I know it's not the same thing, but interesting to think of...the consequences I mean...

And please, don't anyone start jumping all over this, it's just a quick passing thought that drifted into my head....thought I'd share.

BTW - I think 'open' marriages are a farce. As far as porn stars and prostitutes, I don't understand why these people bother getting married in the first place? 

Just my .02.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

morituri said:


> Are you implying that only Americans believe in the traditional, monogamous, marriage?


I'm thinking Yanks are bit more Calvinist and prudish in nature than most. But they also seem to have absurdly romantic notions of what marriage is and when reality come slap their face they're astonished. Between the repression and the fairy tale you set yourselves up for failure and disappointment and you don't even know why. My own decidedly not American wife also has this almost childlike view of relationships which is both deeply repressed and hopelessly optimistically fairy tale-like.

Guess what? You little dog didn't go to live on a farm where he could roam free. He's dead. And so is the tooth fairy. And you don't get 9 hrs of foot rubs every day.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Well if one was married to a porn star than the excuse for no sex would be after having sex all day they were too tired to have sex. I can't possibly imagine how a man or woman could be married to someone living that life knowing what they did all day.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

ashamed74 said:


> Well if one was married to a porn start than the excuse for no sex would be after having sex all day they were too tired to have sex. I can't possibly imagine how a man or woman could be married to someone living that life knowing what they did all day.


Or a gynecologist. 

Seriously honey I CAN NOT look at another one today.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Over in another forum, I think its funny as hell. Because usually you see people start writing about their "open marriage", but there is always a problem. 

Either you lets someone bone your spouse, or you don't. Wipe or get off the pot.


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

I can just imagine another man coming over to take my wife out on a date, NOT!


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