# Another Question about VARs



## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

I have read Weightlifter's "Standard Evidence" post. I bought two Sony VARs and am in the process of testing them out, using in my own car, etc., to get familiar with the device. 

Here's my question though: the VAR, even in "Voice Operated Recording" mode, seems to be constantly recording because of the background noise of the car itself. It picks up my own voice (I kept doing "testing, testing"), but when the car is on it is also just recording the engine and motion sounds.

Is this to be expected? So if/when I place it for real, I should just expect to get recording of driving as well as any conversations I may hear?

Thanks in advance to the experts on here for the advice.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

totalfive21 said:


> I have read Weightlifter's "Standard Evidence" post. I bought two Sony VARs and am in the process of testing them out, using in my own car, etc., to get familiar with the device.
> 
> Here's my question though: the VAR, even in "Voice Operated Recording" mode, seems to be constantly recording because of the background noise of the car itself. It picks up my own voice (I kept doing "testing, testing"), but when the car is on it is also just recording the engine and motion sounds.
> 
> ...


I cant answer that specific question but it is recommended to get long lasting lithium batteries.

Normally, if something is going on it takes almost no time to find out with a VAR if the cheater doesn't suspect they are being stalked. They love to talk as soon as they get in the car going to work, leaving work etc. Being in a car is SO private.

Secure it well so it doesn't roll out under their feet.

Why do you think your partner may be cheating? Do you have any idea with who?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Road noise can be a problem. They usually will turn a radio down to talk. The amount of recording time with long lasting battieries is usually plenty to get the evidence.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

totalfive21 said:


> I have read Weightlifter's "Standard Evidence" post. I bought two Sony VARs and am in the process of testing them out, using in my own car, etc., to get familiar with the device.
> 
> Here's my question though: the VAR, even in "Voice Operated Recording" mode, seems to be constantly recording because of the background noise of the car itself. It picks up my own voice (I kept doing "testing, testing"), but when the car is on it is also just recording the engine and motion sounds.
> 
> ...


More or less, yes. It may also pick up noises when no one is in the vehicle i.e. a loud truck driving by, someone parking next to your vehicle and shutting their door, the chirp of a car alarm, etc.

And yes, lithium batteries are a must. Save yourself some coin and buy rechargeable batteries.


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

It takes AAA batteries -- do lithium batteries come in that size? I didn't see any at Best Buy that said they were lithium, but maybe I'm not looking in the right place.


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> I cant answer that specific question but it is recommended to get long lasting lithium batteries.
> 
> Normally, if something is going on it takes almost no time to find out with a VAR if the cheater doesn't suspect they are being stalked. They love to talk as soon as they get in the car going to work, leaving work etc. Being in a car is SO private.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the advice. My husband had (at least) an EA 2.5 years ago. We are reconciled on the surface of things, but there was no heavy lifting or even any groveling on his part. He refused MC, so it has been rugswept. As recently as last September I saw that the OW had called his work phone at night. I know this because when a caller to his work phone reaches his voicemail, they system sends him an email (which I have access to). The same thing had happened with two phone calls on the same night in May 2014. When I confronted, my husband said they were just hang up calls. Otherwise there's no evidence of contact. 

Cell phone records show no contact. If they are talking on the phone in the car, it must be on a burner phone. I've hunted around for one (glove compartment, his briefcases, etc.) and there's no evidence.

He shows commitment toward me with words, affection, some dates. If I could forget/forgive this would all be behind us. But the fact that he did no heavylifting has left me resentful. He doesn't want to delve into it now if I bring it up. I guess part of the reason I want to try the VAR is to convince myself that he's clean.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

It sounds as if your gut is telling you he isn't clean, so proceed with the VAR. Weightlifter may have tips on enhancing the clarity of any recordings you do get. 

As a side note, it takes two to rugsweep, if you aren't OK with it I would push for MC and really dealing with it. Are you afraid to lose him?


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Voice activated(VOX) is a little misleading. It should more like sound activated, since the VAR will start at any sound detected. 
My advise is to find a place that's not near speakers or floorboard. 
If the car has a bench back seat, there might be a spece under cushion to slip it in with the microphone facing forward. Make sure the "button lock" is on(if applicable) before inserting. Also, some have had real good luck by placing inside the headrest or between headrest and seat. Either driver or passenger side.


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> It sounds as if your gut is telling you he isn't clean, so proceed with the VAR. Weightlifter may have tips on enhancing the clarity of any recordings you do get.
> 
> As a side note, it takes two to rugsweep, if you aren't OK with it I would push for MC and really dealing with it. Are you afraid to lose him?


Thanks for this. It's not that I'm afraid to lose him. I don't want to lose him for the wrong reason. Such as pushing for MC that I myself don't necessarily think will be helpful, and may even be harmful to some degree. I know it depends on the counselor. Part of me agrees with him that my inability to leave this transgression in the past is a problem too. That doesn't mean that he wasn't the one who caused it. 

Over the past 2.5 years, I have almost defined myself by this incident. We had marital problems after our son (now 9) was born, with my husband being hypercritical of my parenting and eroding my self esteem. Just as we were getting over those darker times, as our child can now communicate his needs, this EA (at least that, as far as I know) occurred. Right after the two D-days on my part (a month apart), I was weak and wanted to preserve the relationship at all costs. He was the one who was waffling. He finally "chose" me and I felt so relieved. A couple of months later it dawned on me how eff-ed up that was. I became pissed. And when I brought it up, in his view I was perpetuating the problem.

2.5 years later, part of me wishes I had left him then over this. From an outside observer's view, I had grounds to leave him then. But now? I know one could say that the fact I live in a hyper-vigilant mode is grounds enough. Solid evidence, even just of communication with the OW, would be grounds enough now.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

It is often said that women have a more difficult time dealing with an EA than a PA without an emotional component. For me that was true until I found out I was being lied to and what I thought was an EA was both an EA and PA. Then I was practically homicidal. 

For me even though my STBX wanted R, it was a no brainer. I don't want to spend the rest of my days wondering if "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. I was of the "burn me once" school... I also had a really hard time believing that two adults that have physical access to each other could really carry on "just an EA" that is just me and in my situation it turned out to be exactly the case, though all evidence supported his assertion that it was an EA. If it were not for one piece of paper I found by rifling through his briefcase and day-timer I would still be in the dark. Even the VAR recordings supported the EA story. 

I would really have a hard time being in R with someone who seems to lack remorse and wants to rugsweep the situation. It just seems like there were no lessons learned. And you are still not OK with things, it just is not the basis for a healthy relationship. 

You are justified in using a VAR and any other method of snooping you think may yield results. Who is/was the OW? How was contact ended?


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> It is often said that women have a more difficult time dealing with an EA than a PA without an emotional component. For me that was true until I found out I was being lied to and what I thought was an EA was both an EA and PA. Then I was practically homicidal.
> 
> For me even though my STBX wanted R, it was a no brainer. I don't want to spend the rest of my days wondering if "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. I was of the "burn me once" school... I also had a really hard time believing that two adults that have physical access to each other could really carry on "just an EA" that is just me and in my situation it turned out to be exactly the case, though all evidence supported his assertion that it was an EA. If it were not for one piece of paper I found by rifling through his briefcase and day-timer I would still be in the dark. Even the VAR recordings supported the EA story.
> 
> ...


Thanks Kristin. Clearly you understand where I'm coming from. The OW was a single lawyer that my husband, also a lawyer, used to run into at court. She laid the flattery on real thick with him ("Your wife is one lucky woman..." and "Are you happily married?"). His marital boundaries were real murky, however, if that's all it took for him to let it evolve into a relationship of sorts.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I do get exactly where you are coming from. My situation was similar, a young employee of my STBX who is a VP at a Fortune 100 Co., she worked for him on a project and he mentioned her once or twice. I met both her and her fiancé (who was gorgeous BTW), she lived 2.5 hours drive away, different office location. So when the EA came to light I was really bothered, more than I expected. What I uncovered was heavy flattery on her side and him lapping it up. 

What I failed to take into account after VAR recordings pretty much supported his claim that it was "only an EA" and he only grudgingly defined it as such, was that the physical aspect of the affair was not something they talked about on the phone. So I heard intimate conversation and lots of affectionate type talk but nothing overtly sexual. There were just a few red flags that wouldn't let my gut rest, and they proved to be right on the money, it was a PA and it was like pulling teeth to get him to admit it.

I think people who want to rugsweep what they have done fail to learn anything about the harm they have done to the person they are supposed to love and cherish. Not a great indicator that they have changed at all.

Sorry you are in this situation. I didn't have kids, and there were plenty of assets so that wasn't an issue. It was an easy choice in that respect.

Have you read "Not Just Friends"?


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

I haven't read "Not Just Friends" but I get the point of it. Kristin, what was the piece of evidence that let you know it was a PA, even if the VAR recordings were turning up with nothing overtly sexual?

In my case, if the VAR recordings show ANY contact with that OW, any kind of contact, then it's over. I'm not confident I will get anything on the VAR, however, unless it's on a burner phone that's stashed somewhere I haven't found (or at work?). To answer the question about how contact was ended -- after my second D-day (hearing a voicemail on his phone that she wasn't able to come meet him that day and that she would text him), he reportedly called her to say "it's best if we have no more contact."

After that time, (2 months later), I do know that my husband referred a client to the OW in an email (I found it in the deleted email file). And then the phone calls the OW made to my husband that I saw from the voicemail alerts on his email (the ones I referred to earlier, which supposedly were just hang up calls according to my husband).


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

totalfive21 said:


> I haven't read "Not Just Friends" but I get the point of it. Kristin, what was the piece of evidence that let you know it was a PA, even if the VAR recordings were turning up with nothing overtly sexual?
> 
> In my case, if the VAR recordings show ANY contact with that OW, any kind of contact, then it's over. I'm not confident I will get anything on the VAR, however, unless it's on a burner phone that's stashed somewhere I haven't found (or at work?). To answer the question about how contact was ended -- after my second D-day (hearing a voicemail on his phone that she wasn't able to come meet him that day and that she would text him), he reportedly called her to say "it's best if we have no more contact."
> 
> After that time, (2 months later), I do know that my husband referred a client to the OW in an email (I found it in the deleted email file). And then the phone calls the OW made to my husband that I saw from the voicemail alerts on his email (the ones I referred to earlier, which supposedly were just hang up calls according to my husband).



All of the above info to me would indicate the chances of it being just an EA are highly unlikely, sorry. Are you going on his word alone? Your second D-day after hearing the VM that she couldn't meet him. They are adults meeting up in person, to me that leans towards PA. But you have to be the judge of that.

Also for NC, you relying only on his word that he told her it was best not to speak anymore yet she continues to contact him, not a great sign. The affair is probably underground or on pause but it hasn't been properly shut down or even dealt with.

As for my situation, it was different than yours. My then H was acting different and my gut told me to spy. I looked at our online phone records and then put a VAR in his car. Their conversations were never about hooking up or sex, just lots of very familiar and very friendly talking, and lots of her flattering him and talking about work, her asking for his help or advice...After I confronted him, he shut it down. I saw the e-mail he sent her. But, during my investigating during a time that hadn't even been on my radar (there was zero contact according to his cell records) very early in his affair there was an overnight "business trip" and I found the receipt in his day-timer. When I looked at it closely it was near where she lived, but not the same town and he paid for the room in cash. He tried to explain that away but you can't. There was no reason for him to pay for the room cash. He was caught and had to come clean on that. The rest took a while to get most of the details out. 

If it were not for that receipt, he would have lied forever. 

In your case, you just need evidence that they are still talking. If they are it should come to light eventually. What kind of phone does he have? Each time you catch him and confront you remind him to be more careful (a mistake I made). One example for you is the e-mail notification of a message left. I started keeping notes on everything every day while I was in 007 mode. Living like that is h3ll and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Sorry you are here, I hope you get resolution.

Again, if you post the kind of phone there could be App on his phone he is using to hide calls or texting.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Yes vars pick up all noise. Turning sensitivity down results in losing real data.
Be sure to use the 44k bit rate. They are much clearer than 8k bit. I've had people send me 8k bit files for clean up and I was able to do relatively little with them.
I've cleaned up ten hour files with 2 hours of a ww talking and 8 hours of the damn rock crusher she parked next to. It's a trade that has to be made.

And yes. Lithium batteries are your friend. We've had 25 hours of recording over four days with them.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Just slightly off your specific post, what I do at times I feel uneasy is to just leave my tablet laying around (in its usual place) with an app I downloaded (Smart Voice Recorder). Picks up voices all over our small house. Once I even left it in a bookcase and it picked up great.


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

No update yet on placing the VAR (I'm waiting for lithium batteries to arrive in the mail), but I do have a question for the experts about "blocked numbers". I saw on my husband's iPhone that he had about 5 numbers that are blocked from receiving calls, texts, or face time. I looked the numbers up online through reverse phone searches and didn't come up with much -- maybe some random numbers out of state that haven't been used for awhile it seems. I also checked the cell phone logs for these and there was zero evidence of him calling the numbers or receiving calls on them. 

What could it mean if there are blocked numbers on his phone? Could that be an OW's burner phone number perhaps?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

totalfive21 said:


> No update yet on placing the VAR (I'm waiting for lithium batteries to arrive in the mail), but I do have a question for the experts about "blocked numbers". I saw on my husband's iPhone that he had about 5 numbers that are blocked from receiving calls, texts, or face time. I looked the numbers up online through reverse phone searches and didn't come up with much -- maybe some random numbers out of state that haven't been used for awhile it seems. I also checked the cell phone logs for these and there was zero evidence of him calling the numbers or receiving calls on them.
> 
> What could it mean if there are blocked numbers on his phone? Could that be an OW's burner phone number perhaps?


Eh... hard to say. To be clear, when you say that you checked the cell phone logs for any evidence that he'd called or received calls from these numbers, do you mean that you checked the logs on the cell phone itself (these can be deleted) or that you'd checked call logs from your cellular service provider?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

totalfive21 said:


> No update yet on placing the VAR (I'm waiting for lithium batteries to arrive in the mail), but I do have a question for the experts about "blocked numbers". I saw on my husband's iPhone that he had about 5 numbers that are blocked from receiving calls, texts, or face time. I looked the numbers up online through reverse phone searches and didn't come up with much -- maybe some random numbers out of state that haven't been used for awhile it seems. I also checked the cell phone logs for these and there was zero evidence of him calling the numbers or receiving calls on them.
> 
> What could it mean if there are blocked numbers on his phone? Could that be an OW's burner phone number perhaps?


I would think the greater possibility would be telemarketers, insurance salesmen, or bill collectors; but usually those numbers can be googled and found on a complaint forum.

The only other possibility that comes to mind would be "former" OW's or husbands of former OW's.


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Eh... hard to say. To be clear, when you say that you checked the cell phone logs for any evidence that he'd called or received calls from these numbers, do you mean that you checked the logs on the cell phone itself (these can be deleted) or that you'd checked call logs from your cellular service provider?


I checked the call logs from the cellular service provider.


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