# Deceived over and over again



## New_beginning (Jun 11, 2012)

Started when my wife started locking her phone, turning it off as i approached her and her storties about coming 'straight from work' didnt add up.

She also was very promiscuous when we met and told me that she has had affairs with other married men before (after I confronted her that I saw her instant messages)

I had the ability to see her instant messenger and what she typed. She was bragging on her personal facebook group ( a private group accessible by only invitees) how she was meeting this one, havign an affair with a married man, 'doing' this rich guy etc). It was so hurtful to see this. I literally had tears in my eyes.

I treated her well and was a good provider for her and my daughter. I paid for everything in the house. She was still working and God knows what she was doing with her money.

So she left and started her old habit, chatting with random men and actually meeting them and being physical with them. The conversation would turn very crude within 20 minutes and she would tell those totla strangers my daughters name and sometimes her address so they could come over. I fear for my daughter's security. She would even tell those guys my name and where I hang out and my description; for what reasons? I dont know and neither does anyone.

When I confronted her about that, she became very annoyed that I was spying on her and told me and i kid you not "they are harmless"; really you barely even know these guys and they know my daughter's anme and your adress and even where I hang out? Of course she replied oh it's a joke. Obviously she is ver detached from 'real life'.

But we are now going to 'joint counseling'; what would that solve, I fear nothing since she is still seeing other men. Not sure why she even agreed to go to joint counseling.

Im still very hurt about it but I am healing faster now, as if im having some closure that my marriage is over.

I'm sure there is a woman out there that would appreciate me and what I have to offer.

I worked two jobs and one of them as a Reservist in the guard to provide for my family; nice new house, car for her, I carry all the insurances. So I feel like an idiot for having been taken advantage of.

On to new things as I know I have a lot to offer. One day at a time. I will do anything to keep my daughter safe from her mom's immature and dangerous behavior


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Put it behind you. You know better now, you know your own worth -- now go forward and enjoy your life!


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

joint counselling??? what on earth do you want to stay with her for, really? 

being promiscuous before you met means nothing - both my H and I had played the field a lot before we met but I was 100% faithful to him because I believed in marriage. She obviously doesn't feel the same and you are absolutely right to be worried about your daughter frankly, very easy for predators to get access in this situation (not to worry you too much, but what does she know about any of these guys and what is she thinking giving them her address and details about your daughter?)

how could you ever even contemplate wanting her back after this?

see a lawyer tout de suite my friend


----------



## New_beginning (Jun 11, 2012)

I think the part of me that used to be there wanting her back has slowly eroded. I get that from some friends too 'How can you want her back after all the unsafe things she has been doing, never-mind the diseases she can spread?'

But im sure a lot of you have been there, you hold on to this thin line thinking tomorrow is going to be ok and you're just fooling yourself. Obviously she didnt appreciate the effort I as doing to save our marriage. 

What i forgot to mention is that she also is a heavy drinker. She can drink a whole box of wine by herself in about 3 hours. Yet she tells me she doesnt over drink. I fear for my daughter everytime she goes back to her mom. If something was to happen, she would be so drunk. If any of these perverts that she talks to happens to come over.

Yet she gets so upset and I quote (hot even joking) that I dont trust her and I think she is a bad mother. Well hello, look at what you're doing for pete's sake !!


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

LEAVE. NOW.

You know this. Your friends know this. Just do it.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

New_beginning said:


> I think the part of me that used to be there wanting her back has slowly eroded. I get that from some friends too 'How can you want her back after all the unsafe things she has been doing, never-mind the diseases she can spread?'
> 
> But im sure a lot of you have been there, you hold on to this thin line thinking tomorrow is going to be ok and you're just fooling yourself. Obviously she didnt appreciate the effort I as doing to save our marriage.
> 
> ...


my friend, this is what we call in England a 'safeguarding issue'
even I wouldn't do a box of wine on my own let alone in 3 hours - how old is your daughter?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Hire a shark lawyer and find where you wife has spent or stashed the money she's made all these years. It's half yours - you know she'll be coming after as much of yours as she can get - so you need to be proactive and go after her.

Do it for you, and do it for your daughter.

Also demand primary custody from the divorce use the grounds that your wife is engaging in very risky behavior with these men, and she is putting your daughter at risk.


----------



## New_beginning (Jun 11, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> my friend, this is what we call in England a 'safeguarding issue'
> even I wouldn't do a box of wine on my own let alone in 3 hours - how old is your daughter?


She is 5. When her mom gets there on the week end, she would do even more drinking, forget the wine only, she also adds vodka etc. Yet she is upset that I dont trust her.


Oh when I always have told her in the past to tone down on the drinking (since she also become out of control and vulgar), I was being controlling; I mean seriously


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

And still you are wavering on what to do.

Let me put it to you this way, and I'm sorry this is harsh, but I need to get through to you -- let's just say that tomorrow your wife takes your daughter driving, while drunk, and there's a wreck and your daughter is killed.

Do you think your future self would look back on your today self and understand why you had not taken action by now?

Again, not meaning to be harsh, I know you are in a tough, painful position, but this is nothing to be fooling around with. This is BAD. And I think you should be taking action right away.

I hope you will. And I hope you will keep posting. Lots of good folk here who've seen it all.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

she adds vodka to wine? who gives a toss if she's upset or accuses you of being controlling - that's an alcoholic talking if ever I heard one
please get your daughter out of there, she's five years old and she's having to deal with her mother's drinking on her own


----------



## New_beginning (Jun 11, 2012)

I'm glad i found this forum, Its good to see people who can relate and seriously I was going insane. That affected my job a bit.

She doesn't add vodka to wine, she drinks wine and also mixed drinks with tequila and vodka.

An I was willing to forgive her for all these actions


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

do you have any concept of how lonely and frightening your daughter's life must be with her mum behaving this way? I'm not trying to guilt trip you but you have to take control of this situation


----------



## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

You MUST protect your daughter here

Her mother is unfit (from what you have described)

If you don't act , someone else may


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

This is a disaster. How did you have kids with this woman? Until her infidelity, you chose to close your eyes to all her faults, didn't you? Now you are seeing the true her.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Hire a shark lawyer and find where you wife has spent or stashed the money she's made all these years. It's half yours - you know she'll be coming after as much of yours as she can get - so you need to be proactive and go after her.
> 
> Do it for you, and do it for your daughter.
> 
> Also demand primary custody from the divorce use the grounds that your wife is engaging in very risky behavior with these men, and she is putting your daughter at risk.


Plus sell the car which she is using, sell other things under your name whcih she uses, cancel all other things which benefit her like yesterday.

Also keep records of everything she is doing in multiple copies, prefarably offsite.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Please file for divorce like yesterday. Hire a PI and work with the lawyer to get sole custody fro you entirely unfit wife. If you have copies of some of her conversations and the email with the pic of your daughter in it or releasing you and her whereabouts, I believe it might bolster you case.

Good luck. Get out of this as quickly as you can.


----------



## New_beginning (Jun 11, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> This is a disaster. How did you have kids with this woman? Until her infidelity, you chose to close your eyes to all her faults, didn't you? Now you are seeing the true her.


I suspected she was like this but you know live is blind and that's not an excuse I know. I take full blame for diving into this.

Of course she said she only recently started cheating since she was 'checked out' of the marriage. 

I'm no angel because I should have probably been a more attentive husband and all i was doing was mostly work to support my family since she barely worked. Its been 5 months since we have lived apart and it gets easier. Did i mention how messy she was?

Now I have the house clean and neat, do my dishes instead of the mountain of dishes. The kicker is that her cousin knew that she was having an affair with a married man and then told me that I was being unfair to her. That was before i told her that i knew what she was typing.

Im surrounded by hypocrites and I feel so bad for putting my daughter in this situation. I always thought that i would be married for life like my parents.

I just need to find someone who appreciates a hard working man. I miss the human interaction.


----------



## New_beginning (Jun 11, 2012)

KanDo said:


> Please file for divorce like yesterday. Hire a PI and work with the lawyer to get sole custody fro you entirely unfit wife. If you have copies of some of her conversations and the email with the pic of your daughter in it or releasing you and her whereabouts, I believe it might bolster you case.
> 
> Good luck. Get out of this as quickly as you can.


I have have the instant messenger screenshot where she is sharing her pictures and showing clearly my daughter in the picture that she boldly advertise 'oh that's me and my daughter'


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

New_beginning said:


> I think the part of me that used to be there wanting her back has slowly eroded. I get that from some friends too 'How can you want her back after all the unsafe things she has been doing, never-mind the diseases she can spread?'


They are correct, even considering being in the same room with her is irrational. She is never going to change and one day you will look back at this point in your life and kick yourself for not leaving sooner. 

There's no hope in saving this nor should it be. Learn from this and don't get involved with anyother woman like this again.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Yo Bro,you mean your daughter is being shown, and you have not put child services on this woman. Lets just forget you, and the s**t. Neither of you are in the real world. She is exposing your daughter to PREDATORS AND YOU ARE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU TWO. You need to get your lawyer to set a hearing for a restraining order on her. You have the DAMN proof. And what will MC do as long as she is sc**ing around. She gets drunk, exposing your daughter to harm and you have not, REPEAT NOT done anything. Well do something !!! Like yesterday. I have a granddaughter 9, and if her mother and father acted this way. I'd take them fishing, and have a VERY LONG talk with them.


----------



## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

OP , please come back and tell us what you're doing about your daughter


----------



## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

This is a tough situation. On one hand, you are obviously and rightly upset with your wife's behavior. On the other hand, you must have known at least some of these things about her. Of course, now that she's cheated, she is unfit. Be careful here. I've seen this kind of thing backfire a million times. You need to get custody and everything you do now will matter greatly.

As for her behavior now, playing footloose and fancy free on the internet? Your baby is now five years old? Have your divorce attorney put a morality clause in the paperwork so she can't expose the child to anyone she is not in a serious relationship with. Maybe not anyone she does not intend to marry! Who knows? Ask them, they know how to do this.

Don't play around pointing fingers and assigning blame. Unfortunately, she is the mother of your child and you need to show her you are serious, you have to lay down the law and be the adult in this situation. Your best hope is that the paperwork goes through quickly.

Don't waste too much time. Good luck.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

New_beginning said:


> I have have the instant messenger screenshot where she is sharing her pictures and showing clearly my daughter in the picture that she boldly advertise 'oh that's me and my daughter'


Maybe you should contact child protective services if there is one where you live. 

If you do, they will not like what she is doing to the child and it may help you gain full custody.


----------



## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

You need to protect your daughter immediately. This is not a good situation.

I strongly suggest you go to Al-Anon. You are not alone, and you can gain great support there from people who have been thru the effects of alcohol on their friends and family.


----------



## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

You need to leave NOW, if not for anything else... for the sake of your daughter. Give yourself no excuses and call it quits once and for all.


----------



## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

I wanted to add that you should consider getting your daughter a VAR to carry around with her whenever she's with your insane wife. Not for spying, but for insurance. God forbid one of these predators she invites crosses a line with your daughter...

She may be too drunk to protect her. She may not even _care_.

I've read a particularly disgusting situation much like your own. Admittedly, the woman was a drug addict, but the story was sobering, regardless. The betrayed husband didn't know what was happening to his daughter until the little girl told him she was hurting from... well. Yeah.

Do *not* play around here, mate. Shaggy's got the right idea. Get yourself a shark of a lawyer, and end this, *now*.


----------

