# Starting a separation



## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

My husband and I has been together going on 15 years, every since we were 17/18 and married going on 2 years. I am now 32/him 33. Anyways.. i know I’m not the perfect person but I am always caring and willing to work things out. Things in my relationship has gotten worst. My husband is a narcissist and when i tell him he ones, he actually believe that’s a good thing and he actually thinks he’s the best man walking in life. He has cheated on me over the course of our relationship at least a known 7 times. When COVID happened, I changed positions that required me, like everybody else in the world, to work from home and still until this day. He always have some issue with me or it’s my fault that causing US, mainly HIM to be UNHAPPY. my husband will not grow up!! He can talk a good talk and walk a good walk but he thinks that’s all he need to make it in the world. Yes he well rounded by having only a High school educated. He always calls himself a good looking, well educated, black man with no kids, etc. I’m sick of hearing this $hit! But because I want more out of life and from him it’s a problem. We are now older and he doesn’t have a pot to piss in. Everything is in my name because he has no good credit, no savings, no credit accounts or credit cards and can’t offer me anything financially. We do at least split the bills 50/50 by me setting up an allotment directly from his check. Here’s where more issues comes in at from him that I’m tired of: the serial cheating, narcissistic ways, telling me he’s in a bad mood because im making him feel that war or b/c I don’t feed his soul enough intellectually and spiritually, he tells me I never set the mood, he tells me: I need more friends preferably married friends (which I got) but it’s a problem. He can go off and golf and hang with his buddies whenever he wants to but don’t let me go out for a while mainly with my sister or friends, it’s a problem because they get all my attention and focus and it’s taking away from him. He blamed me for changing jobs and being forced to work from home and that’s change his mood. Since this year, he’s unplugged the internet so I couldn’t work because he wanted my attention. He kicks and punches my things and claims that what he has to do in Order to get my attention.

I’m not going into full details because this is a long thread already but I am tired and have had enough MENTALLY WITH THIS MAN. he gets mad when I don’t compliment him and it’s so much more. I cut off sex with him for the last couple of months because I’ve turned disgusted with him and I’m no longer attracted to him. On top of everything else, he doesnt pick up behind himself and I’m sort of ocd and like clean and neat environments. He peeled an egg one day last week and left the peelings on the kitchen floor for days. But he believes he’s the best man that I will ever have.

The final straw of this relationship was on last week… He punched out my body mirror near my side of the bed where I was laying, after denying sex with him.

I applied for an apartment and is pretty much approved. The frustrating part is, it won’t be ready until mid-October.

again last night he wanted sex and still don’t understand the reason why it’s not happening. After me explaining the things in this thread plus more he doesn’t get it.

when i leave, both cars are coming with me, and all the utility bills will Be transferred over to the new place.I’m so stressed out and know I’ve tried a ton of times to save and stick this relationship out but he still don’t comprehend that.

I don’t have anyone to move in with temporarily either. This is the frustrating part also. 

thoughts??


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

onelife2live said:


> thoughts??


You should leave him one of the cars.
Taking both will be seen as vindictive.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He is a sick man that badly needs his _comeuppance_ medicine.

Some cover up their _inferiority_ complex, with that of a _superiority_ one.


Continue to separate, get your finances in order, go through with getting that apartment.

Nobody should have to endure this sort of abuse.

You have been a Saint, continue being one......alone.

Good Luck!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Sounds like this is long overdue. You couldn't figure him out in the first 13 years before marriage? I can't believe it went downhill in just the last 2-3 year since getting married. Why did you guys get married?


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> You should leave him one of the cars.
> Taking both will be seen as vindictive.


I’ve been telling him after a full year to work on getting one of the cars financed in his name. He has plenty of time and opportunities to do so. I even had to file bankruptcy and after bankruptcy due to his mess ups, I had to get him a car because he couldn’t.


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> He is a sick man that badly needs his _comeuppance_ medicine.
> 
> Some cover up their _inferiority_ complex, with that of a _superiority_ one.
> 
> ...


knowing that I give this relationship my ALL. This is something that didn’t happened overnight as he thinks. It’s been brewing and going on for years now.


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Sounds like this is long overdue. You couldn't figure him out in the first 13 years before marriage? I can't believe it went downhill in just the last 2-3 year since getting married. Why did you guys get married?


Heat of the moment and we just did it at the courthouse. No vows, blessings or anything. I’ve talked about us seeking a counseling numerous of times before and he did not budge. All of a sudden he wanted to go but change his mind, since I’m so serious about leaving now.


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> He is a sick man that badly needs his _comeuppance_ medicine.
> 
> Some cover up their _inferiority_ complex, with that of a _superiority_ one.
> 
> ...


But in his own eyes and what he tells me. He states “I’m just a simple man and don’t require much.” But yet these are all the things that are happening from A-Z but he doesn’t see anything wrong with that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

onelife2live said:


> But in his own eyes and what he tells me. He states “I’m just a simple man and don’t require much.” But yet these are all the things that are happening from A-Z but he doesn’t see anything wrong with that.


_"There are none so blind, than those who will-not see". _carved out from Scripture.


It is easier to deny one's failings, then to admit of them, which would necessitate self-reflection and self-correction.

Many in life are surface dwellers, surface swimmers. 
Let him be that unaware whirling beetle in his shallow water pond..

Find yourself free, find yourself a new companion.
Take your time, you need to heal, first.

Heal and then hail your new life.


_
Are Dee-_


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> _"There are none so blind, than those who will-not see". _carved out from Scripture.
> 
> 
> It is easier to deny one's failings, then to admit of them, which would necessitate self-reflection and self-correction.
> ...


Absolutely!!!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Serial cheater never change. It doesn't look like he is offering you anything. You could literaly take a bum off the street and maybe have a better partner.

You maybe surprised in the divorce how things go because he'll be entitled to 1/2 which may mean one of the cars but if they are both running balances that will be problematic. Sell a car use any proceeds to pay down the other car.


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## onelife2live (Aug 12, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Serial cheater never change. It doesn't look like he is offering you anything. You could literaly take a bum off the street and maybe have a better partner.
> 
> You maybe surprised in the divorce how things go because he'll be entitled to 1/2 which may mean one of the cars but if they are both running balances that will be problematic. Sell a car use any proceeds to pay down the other car.


We rent and the only thing I own aka finance is both vehicles, but the vehicle he is driving has about $6k equity in it, that could be sold for average retail price. I have my own individual savings with nothing to much in it but other then that, that’s it. I even had to pay for my own wedding ring.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You’ve lasted 14 years, 11 months, 3 weeks and a few odd days longer than I would have with someone like that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s fortunate that you’ve put up with him. Most women wouldn’t. Go and don’t look back.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Openminded said:


> He’s fortunate that you’ve put up with him. Most women wouldn’t. Go and don’t look back.


Actually from the OP it appears the guy is high SMV and any number of women would want him, even though he's broke. I suspect she'd be replaced with another woman almost immediately.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Actually from the OP it appears the guy is high SMV and any number of women would want him, even though he's broke. I suspect she'd be replaced with another woman almost immediately.


Doesn't really matter if she'd be replaced. It's a matter of what's good for her. This relationship isn't good for her. Emotionally or finacially. Why would she stay so some other loser doesn't 'snap' him up. 

Op it is better to be alone that with this smuck. FYI there are plenty of men who can offer you this or better.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> It's a matter of what's good for her. This relationship isn't good for her. Emotionally or finacially.


I agree, I don't know why women choose bad boys either.
But it's a choice many women seem to make in preference to a nice guy that will treat them well.
This forum is full of nice guys that are cheated on and mistreated by their wives.
Me included, I was a nice guy for 30 years ....... but since then I've learned not to be at all nice.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> I agree, I don't know why women choose bad boys either.
> But it's a choice many women seem to make in preference to a nice guy that will treat them well.
> This forum is full of nice guys that are cheated on and mistreated by their wives.
> Me included, I was a nice guy for 30 years ....... but since then I've learned not to be at all nice.


You are a 'nice guy' by every definition of the term.


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