# DH ex a problem again...



## lost & confused (Nov 29, 2010)

This is going to be quite long. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. It has been a rocky marriage as we both have had affairs in the past (mine being back in 2001 his being Jan of this year with texting/calls not sure on physical). Well my husbands ex and him have a soon to be 17 year old daughter in which she now lives with us because she has been out of control back at home with the mother. My DH and the ex talk every single day and no its not always about their daughter. They start talking about old friends and she has now told him she is separated from her husband and is now dating whoever she wants. Ok so since this has been said my husband got mad at me because he ASSUMED I was mad about something that had to do with her and I wasnt. So he has slept on the couch for 2 weeks now and has not said a word to me. I have tried to speak to him and he ignores me like I dont exist. Come Thanksgiving my in-laws came down....he (DH) is on the phone once again with the ex and he tells her what we fight about or whats going on in our marriage (during this time I can hear her laughing about it). This has been an ongoing thing that I have spoken to him about before. To me this just seems like he has no respect for me what so ever. Since he has been sleeping on the couch I am now questioning if this is where I need to be seeing as how its the same process yet again. The ex seems to like starting drama within our household and when I tell my H about this he is freaking blinded and says Im being stupid! We have separated 3 times now. Whenever I try to leave he plays the guilt trip on me and uses our past infidelity and the kids to his advantage. Im so lost and confused on what to do. I dont think I can do this anymore. Im not getting any younger, but for some reason scared to leave.


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## Amberwaves (Nov 26, 2010)

Wow, he is playing some serious games with you. He is playing guilt games of your past infidelity to justify what he's doing, which is an emotional affair at the minimum it sounds like. That doesn't cut it. He is also showing your kids and his daughter some terrible adult behavior. 
I don't know how old your kids you two had together are? You mentioned them at the very end of your post. They are watching this terrible behavior of his disrespect for you and of his daughter for you as well. You deserve respect from him and also daughter whom you've graciously taken in.
Have you two done marital counseling at all? Is he willing? If he isn't, that is a clear, bright sign that you need to move on. You deserve respect and love after 13 years of marriage, no matter the mistakes. Those are in the past, and it can be hard to get over mistakes in the past, I know. My husband had an emotional affair for the first couple years of marriage, and was cold & distant. It hurt. But we worked on it, and it got better. Every marriage is different. 
Hope this helps, give a perspective, at least.


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