# Dog is ruining our relationship.



## OwlAlwaysLuvU

I love my husband but I HATE our dog. I found this dog cold, alone and crying in the woods and brought it home to take it to the vet and find it a home. He fell in love with it and here we are 18 months later still with this dog.

He loves it to no end and I hate it no end. I know that sounds awful but I just do. I have spent thousands of dollars on training, repairing ruined items and he even destroyed my daughter's pictures of when she was born! I'll never be able to show her those EVER.

He loves that dog to no end. Spoils it rotten and I resent every second he spends with it. I can't explain how every time he tells that dog he loves it, or how good it is I want to scream. The dog is the ONLY thing we ever fight about. It messes up the house, it is unruly even though I've spent thousands on a trainer coming to our house. He just doesn't get it.

This dog stresses me so much I literally have chest pain. I'm at the end. I don't know what to do. I know that if I make him choose between me and the dog he'll choose me and resent me for making him get rid of something he loves so much. But if I keep dealing with the dog I'll be stressed and unhappy. I feel like I lose either way.

I don't know what to do anymore. This dog creates so much tension between us that is unnecessary. I guess I just needed to vent how I feel. He knows it but offers no solutions. I've always said "no animals on the furniture" and that was agreed upon, but when I'm not around my older son tells me the dog is on the couch. Yet another thing this dog has ruined, my 4k dollar couch smells of dog and is all scratched. I feel it like no matter what happens with this dog, I'm going to be the bad guy. We had such a great marriage before this dog came into our lives.

Any advice?


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## YinPrincess

If the dog is going to be a part of your life the inclusion of EVERYONE in it's training is imperative. I can't stress that enough. Your husband and child must also discipline and reinforce boundaries. Without this the dog will be confused and it's not it's fault that everyone has different rules. The "trainer" should have taught you that - otherwise you got ripped off big-time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justanaveragejoe

OwlAlwaysLuvU said:


> I love my husband but I HATE our dog. I found this dog cold, alone and crying in the woods and brought it home to take it to the vet and find it a home. He fell in love with it and here we are 18 months later still with this dog.
> 
> He loves it to no end and I hate it no end. I know that sounds awful but I just do. I have spent thousands of dollars on training, repairing ruined items and he even destroyed my daughter's pictures of when she was born! I'll never be able to show her those EVER.
> 
> He loves that dog to no end. Spoils it rotten and I resent every second he spends with it. I can't explain how every time he tells that dog he loves it, or how good it is I want to scream. The dog is the ONLY thing we ever fight about. It messes up the house, it is unruly even though I've spent thousands on a trainer coming to our house. He just doesn't get it.
> 
> This dog stresses me so much I literally have chest pain. I'm at the end. I don't know what to do. I know that if I make him choose between me and the dog he'll choose me and resent me for making him get rid of something he loves so much. But if I keep dealing with the dog I'll be stressed and unhappy. I feel like I lose either way.
> 
> I don't know what to do anymore. This dog creates so much tension between us that is unnecessary. I guess I just needed to vent how I feel. He knows it but offers no solutions. I've always said "no animals on the furniture" and that was agreed upon, but when I'm not around my older son tells me the dog is on the couch. Yet another thing this dog has ruined, my 4k dollar couch smells of dog and is all scratched. I feel it like no matter what happens with this dog, I'm going to be the bad guy. We had such a great marriage before this dog came into our lives.
> 
> Any advice?


The dog isn't the problem, your (and your husbands) lack of training and commitment are,

A trainer can only teach YOU how to train the dog, YOU need to put in the work,

Dont give the dog the opportunity to misbehave, that means he is supervised every minute you are at home, and crated when you are not,

That includes when he goes outside, somebody need to go out with him,

Yes its a lot of work, a dog is a big commitment and responsibility,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ares.

I guess the dog is not you're problem, the problem is why don't you lets this dog in your part of life, love the dog. Actually, you can go outside with the dog and your husband, and sometimes talk with him about how to take care the dog something like that. If your husband know you love the dog, he will really happy I guess


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## 827Aug

Apparently you guys had the wrong dog trainer. My 14 month old dog has always lived in the house and goes almost everywhere with me. No problems. Of course, there is always dog hair. But, then there's a vacuum cleaner for that. Perhaps that's some of the problem in your household. Perhaps your husband is not taking responsibility for the dog and cleaning up after it. Also, if chewing up things is a problem, try keeping "raw hides" around at all times. Teach the dog that those are the only acceptable things to gnaw on while in the house. 

It sounds as though commitment and consistency to make the dog a part of the family is lacking. That's something that every family member must be on-board with. The dog trainer's can't fix that.

Hope you find a workable solution.


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## LastUnicorn

Be completely honest and tell him that the dog being inside is a deal breaker for you. That it is ruining your Zen, your furniture, your irreplaceable memorabilia. And the anxiety and hatred of what the dog has done is now having a real impact on your marriage and the home you both have together. The dog HAS to be removed from inside the house. No more indoor dogs, ever. 

If you aren't clear about this, you will have a lifetime of dogs in the house. Some will be OK, some will not, but your resentment over it will only intensify.


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## ankh

Tell the dog who speaks english that he must choose, between you, with two legs and the other dog with 4 legs, else he will be evicted, banished to the 'dog house'. When 2 legs goes off to work, take 4 legs to the city animal control office and claim he 'ran away.'


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## YinPrincess

That's messed up and pretty underhanded. I am sure a compromise can be had...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Honestly, getting a pet like a dog or cat should be taken seriously and decided as a couple.

If you were flat out against this, he should of never taken this dog in ever. Dogs are a huge responsibility and needs to be decided together, not alone. I'm sorry he did this to you.

It took me 10 years to convince my husband to get a dog. He was so against it in the beginning of our marriage, but he was right. I had small children to raise and adding a dog would be too much. Finally my youngest was 5-6 and my husband said I could get my dog if I took full responsibility, which I did. However, it turned out my dog is more loyal to my husband then me.LOL. A year later we added a second dog as a playmate for our golden. It was a smart move on our part. We rescued an Aussie that was already house trained and past that chewing stage. Now my husband, the non dog lover, loves his 2 dogs. I never saw that coming. He now takes them outside every night to play ball or go for a walk in the woods.

I would of never gotten a dog or any animal without my husbands approval. I'm a huge animal lover too, but my husband comes first. BTW, I love your avatar!


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## costa200

Get rid of the dog. No amount of training will ever make you love it and animals always do stupid stuff, even when trained. 

BTW i had a laugh with the dog lovers here asking you to bend over for the animal. Like someone can just "learn" to like an animal. 

Just find a good owner for it. Dogs have their needs, just like people do.


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## Cosmos

When you consulted a dog trainer, were both you and your H involved in that training? If the dog goes undisciplined and is spoiled by one of you, no amount of discipline by the other is going to be effective, as it will end up confused. It needs to sense a united front.

The dog should not be allowed in the house until it has been helped to overcome its destructive behaviour.


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## C3156

I can tell you from a male point of view that if you frame this as an ultimatum, he may get rid of the dog but he will resent you for it. Any discussion about the dog has to be from a point of view as how it affects your relationship. Be upfront and honest _without_ blame: how you feel, how the dog gets more attention than you, how you feel the dog affects things, etc.

Animals in general require a lot of maintenance and attention. It should be agreed upon between the couple as they are a big responsibility. Just like children, you have to be in agreement on how they are handled as well. I agree with other posters, sounds like everyone is not consistant in the training of the dog and it kind of does its own thing.

Once you dicuss how the dog affects your relationship, you need to have a second discussion on the consistant training and disipline, as well as, general rules about the dog. Everyone needs to be on board or the dog will continue to damage your home and cause problems.

I personnaly do not like dogs, so I know what you are going through. My stepson is in college and decided to get a dog. No big deal except that whenever he cannot watch the dog, he drops it off at our house. He makes no effort to find a sitter and my wife does not mind. This is a boundary that causes a lot of tension for us as she sees it as no big deal. $2k couch and $500 in carpet cleaning does not seem to be a problem.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

costa200 said:


> Get rid of the dog. No amount of training will ever make you love it and animals always do stupid stuff, even when trained.
> 
> BTW i had a laugh with the dog lovers here asking you to bend over for the animal. Like someone can just "learn" to like an animal.
> 
> Just find a good owner for it. Dogs have their needs, just like people do.


I agree. I think rehoming this dog is probably a very good idea. 

I'm a dog lover, but I would never take in a dog my husband was against. It's respect and I fully respect my husbands wishes. He let me have a dog because he's supportive of me and wants me to be happy. 

If you have a bad experience with a particular dog, it makes this situation all the worse. Not all dogs are like this, especially when they are older.


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## costa200

> I personnaly do not like dogs, so I know what you are going through. My stepson is in college and decided to get a dog. No big deal except that whenever he cannot watch the dog, he drops it off at our house. He makes no effort to find a sitter and my wife does not mind. This is a boundary that causes a lot of tension for us as she sees it as no big deal. $2k couch and $500 in carpet cleaning does not seem to be a problem.


Say no?!


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## galian84

Hmm...this is a tough one for me because I do love dogs. But I have to agree, getting a dog or cat should definitely be a joint decision. He should have talked to you about it before he just brought it in. In this case, I can understand why it would be a source of stress for you.

Would you feel better if the dog had been trained properly? Or you just don't like dogs, period? 

If it is because the dog is not trained properly, I'd suggest you two make it a joint effort to train it and find a better trainer. A dog IS a big commitment and they are very needy (My mom has two...she spends a lot of her free time feeding them, grooming them, taking them out, etc). They are like babies, almost. 

If it's because you don't like dogs, period, then could you two find someone who will be willing to take it in? It deserves to be in a loving home.


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## EnjoliWoman

You brought the dog in to the home and taking it out is going to cause a ton of resentment on his side (and son's) just as you are resenting the dog and husband now.

I would suggest you tell your husband that you WANT to love the dog but because of the boundaries constantly being breeched you resent it and you need his help to be consistent and train the dog and maintain the boundaries you BOTH agreed to initially (not on furniture, etc.)

Any good dog book will tell you a dog is happier when it knows who the pack leader is and knows its place in the pack. So keeping it off furniture doesn't make a dog feel unloved; it's just part of knowing his place in the pack.

A crate sounds like a must for your guys. I used to think it was cruel until I learned more about responsible crate training and saw dogs that CHOOSE to lay in the crate above all other places.

Invest one more time. In your marriage, an agreement with emphasis on how important this is to you. Make sure he understands that he needs to be on board with this.

I don't like a dog-smelling sofa or bed myself and have purchased 'scat mats' (piercing audible sound when animal jumps up on it) to put on my sofas and bed when I'm not home because I rescued my dog at 5 years old and she had been allowed on furniture and it's been a hard habit to break.


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## CantePe

EnjoliWoman said:


> You brought the dog in to the home and taking it out is going to cause a ton of resentment on his side (and son's) just as you are resenting the dog and husband now.
> 
> I would suggest you tell your husband that you WANT to love the dog but because of the boundaries constantly being breeched you resent it and you need his help to be consistent and train the dog and maintain the boundaries you BOTH agreed to initially (not on furniture, etc.)
> 
> Any good dog book will tell you a dog is happier when it knows who the pack leader is and knows its place in the pack. So keeping it off furniture doesn't make a dog feel unloved; it's just part of knowing his place in the pack.
> 
> A crate sounds like a must for your guys. I used to think it was cruel until I learned more about responsible crate training and saw dogs that CHOOSE to lay in the crate above all other places.
> 
> Invest one more time. In your marriage, an agreement with emphasis on how important this is to you. Make sure he understands that he needs to be on board with this.
> 
> I don't like a dog-smelling sofa or bed myself and have purchased 'scat mats' (piercing audible sound when animal jumps up on it) to put on my sofas and bed when I'm not home because I rescued my dog at 5 years old and she had been allowed on furniture and it's been a hard habit to break.


Just to reiterate the responsible crate training. My Border Collie\Husky\Timber Wolf mix absolutely WILL choose his crate over all other places to sleep and lay in. It's his furry version of a man cave. His safety zone where he can go when he's had enough of the two cats, the other dog and the kids. He even closes his crate door himself!

Crate training is about a safety buffer or zone for the dog to go and feel safe and get alone time if they desire it.


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## Emerald

I would never own a dog - they are fine for other people, so I can understand your frustration. I'm sorry your husband isn't respectful of your feelings here.


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## OwlAlwaysLuvU

Thank you for all the responses.

A conversation ensued regarding this issue. Basically - I explained the strain this animal has put on me and our relationship. I don't hate the dog, I hate what it's behavior and my husband's enabling of the behavior has caused in the house. I told him how serious I am that the thought of us living apart (him with the dog) has crossed my mind because I just can't deal with this dog. I've committed to the what the trainer has said (which has made me "the bad guy" in his eyes). You can't watch the dog - he goes in the crate. He isn't allowed to jump on people, to get on the furniture etc... these are normal rules that many families have with their pets. His response "okay, I'll start being mean to him to make you happier". GRRRRRR Totally not the point. Then I hear "fine, we'll just give him away". Well truthfully that would make me happy, but I don't want him to resent me for "making" him get rid of a dog he loves. That's not my intention. I'm not a dog hater. I just believe this dog thinks he is on the same level as the humans in this house, and that's not his place. I also feel like our daughter and myself come second in his thoughts to this dog. Other people have made comments and it's extremely hurtful and embarrassing to feel like a dog is more important to your partner in life than you!

He says he will try to change and train the dog but I don't feel better about it at all because I've heard it before.


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## YinPrincess

Husband needs time with the trainer. He needs to understand that it's not being "mean" to the dog... Dogs behave badly when they aren't sure of their "rank" in the pack, and trust me, your dog is confused and probably anxious. Even if he's at the bottom of the totem pole, he'll be happy because that's where he belongs. Dogs are pack animals and hierarchy is VERY important to them.

Best of luck!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug

Is it possible for your husband to take the dog to an obedience class? Your husband is in need of education as much as the dog. I took one of my dogs to a class once. It was a real trip! Oh, my gosh! It was hilarious to see what people were putting up with.


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## Emerald

OwlAlwaysLuvU said:


> "okay, I'll start being mean to him to make you happier"


Just ignore these statements from him. You know he's not going to be mean; he's just trying to get a rise out of you.


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## costa200

> "okay, I'll start being mean to him to make you happier".


Wait, exactly how big is this dog? Your husband doesn't seem to have a clue on what it takes to properly train a dog. Is this a powerful dog? Can he be a danger for people?

Untrained dogs with owners who haven't got a clue about training are the main causers of bite injuries.


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## Prodigal

OwlAlwaysLuvU said:


> His response "okay, I'll start being mean to him to make you happier". GRRRRRR Totally not the point. Then I hear "fine, we'll just give him away".


I had to jump into the fray and comment on this. What your husband is doing when he responds this way to you is called "stonewalling." It prevents any further attempts on your part to have a give-and-take conversation on an adult level.

This is a REAL hot-button issue for me, because my husband used to say similar things when his dog crapped all over the carpets, chewed up furniture, even hiked its leg on our leather sofa. 

Counter your husband's stonewalling by saying, "No, we are NOT going to give away the dog. You and I are going to a training session. We are not going to be mean to the dog or mistreat him in any way. We are just going to get him to know his place in our pack." If he starts in with more immature comments, then I think it's time to seriously look for the root of the problem ... because I think it goes beyond the dog.


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## OwlAlwaysLuvU

costa200 said:


> Wait, exactly how big is this dog? Your husband doesn't seem to have a clue on what it takes to properly train a dog. Is this a powerful dog? Can he be a danger for people?
> 
> Untrained dogs with owners who haven't got a clue about training are the main causers of bite injuries.


The dog is a 100lb rotty mix, who just the other day attempted to bite myself and my son because he didn't want to get out of the car. So you really hit the nail on the head with that comment. It has caused a huge shift in the house and I've put my foot down that either the dog goes to the "doggy boot camp" program for two weeks or he needs another home. I don't know what else to do. If he ever bit anyone that would not only be serious for the person who was bit, but the dog, and us potentially being sued.


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## YinPrincess

Biters are not good!!! What kind of biter to you think he is? Do you think he was scared? Or, (more likely) he thinks he is boss???

Training is a MUST. He MUST learn who is boss and where his place is.

My sister had a spoiled mutt that turned into a biter because he didn't always want to do what he was told. He even nipped her 9 month old daughter in the forehead once when she crawled too close. (Baby was fine - now a rambunctious 3 year old).

I have a "mouther" at home. He likes to use his mouth to touch you, but never bites. Pretty intimidating coming from a 90 lb dog, though! 

This needs to be addressed ASAP before the dog gets comfortable in being "boss". Do NOT retaliate or smack him - it could upset him even more.

So sorry this is turning out badly. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias

The dog can feel that you hate and resent it.It might not understand those words in the way we do but it still can feel something isn't right.

Keeping the dog is selfish.Rehome the poor thing and let it have a real family to love it unconditionally and devote time to uniform training that EVERY ONE WILL FOLLOW. 

This IS NOT the dog's fault. Just keep that in mind.


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## lilith23

chillymorn said:


> I never even seen or met the dog and I like it more than you already! LOL you sound controling and bi*chy ....


Controlling and bi*chy? I would also be upset, maybe too upset if my dog goes destroying important mementos and furniture (they are quite expensive for the average mortals...).


Now back to the main topic... Just as others said, everyone in the family needs to be consistent. Dogs are opportunists, they will do what they want to do if rules are not set and if they think they can do it. Also, how does a dog know if he's not really supposed to do certain things? They jump when greeting coz they want to reach the human "muzzle". They destroy stuffs coz they are bored. They poop inside coz they are not well trained to do it outside. And so on.

For the destruction, it often means boredom and lack of mental stimulation, which only exercise by itself is not enough. Daily walks (2 or 3 times at least, 30mins to an hour each time) are not only for exercising but also mentally stimulating coz they get to smell lots of scents and discover the world. Also, inside home, the family can play fetch or tug with the dog. Also, give him puzzle toys like kongs (toys in which you can fill food inside and they try hard to take food out), raw hides, chew toys, real bones...
Supervise, and when you can't do it, put him inside a crate or some area of home that is safe. You can get a big crate if you are only concerned about restriction and not potty training, so that the dog is more comfortable in a bigger crate.

But in the over all, your husband must realize that with a rott mix, lack of training is a very bad thing and can put your dog as well as other people in danger. If he truly loves the dog, he must be firm with the rules. Not necessarily being mean with all the mean corrective training, but make sure the dog learns how to behave and listen, and what is not supposed to do.

You might be interested in going to some dog forum and expose your case, and tell them how you need your husband to realize the importance of being firm and consistent, so that your husband can read all that and get more serious.
And if you do so, please go to some positive or neutral forums, and not some Dog Whisperer or dominance based forum!


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## Naive Husband

Wow, it's not just me! Sorry, I don't mean for this to come across poorly, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. My scenario is different, I think worse, so hopefully I can bring some perspective to your situation. 
You brought the dog home to get care for it & to find a permanent home. I'd have done the same thing (though my wife would tell you otherwise). Sorry if this has been covered already, but why did you not take the dog in immediately? Did your husband fall in love with a strange dog in a hour? Regardless of the sequence of events, the dog stayed because you didn't have a strong objection to it, correct? In other words, he views it as you brought home a dog & followed that up with bringing in a trainer. During that time, he fell in love with the dog. That is tough. He obviously views this as a joint venture so to speak. However, the dog's behaviour along with the destroyed items in your house have led to your negative feelings...& that won't change. I've been in a similar siutation for 16 months. I have told my wife about the feelings I have about the dog she brought home & nothing changes. I can't imagine anyone in even a decent marriage would choose a pet over their mate. The dog needs to go, ASAP. If the resentment he has afterwards leads to a breakdown of your marriage, then there must be other issues. I'm sorry, I just can't picture explaining to friends & family that I left my wife because I had to get rid of my dog?! Please don't bash me animal lovers, I don't hate dogs at all. I had one before I was married with kids. But this situation demands the dog go; your marriage cannot survive with it there. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to further vent or discuss, I can relate more than you know. Take care.


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## LearningLifeQDay

Costa200 and some of the other posters have a very logical point: "Get rid of the dog. No amount of training will ever make you love it and animals always do stupid stuff, even when trained. 

BTW i had a laugh with the dog lovers here asking you to bend over for the animal. Like someone can just "learn" to like an animal. 

Just find a good owner for it. Dogs have their needs, just like people do." 
You don't have the 'dog gene' in you. I had the same situation when my spouse brought a dog into our lives. A dog has to be walked, fed, trained, doctored, given their 'time', pampered, adored, and given attention, talked to, taken on car rides, cleaned up after, forgiven when personal items are 'damaged'...Does this sound familiar? And then some people wonder why some people can't deal with animals...They require a huge amount of time and responsibility. But, the final deal breaker is you either love your pet or you don't.


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## Acorn

Granted I am not a pet lover, but if this dog is causing this much of a problem, I would think/hope the husband would love the dog enough and, more importantly, love you enough to find a new home for it.


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## OnTheRocks

I don't own pets now, but I've had dogs that I adored in the past, but it's still just a dog for chrissakes. Why put your marriage and home thru this? Your H sounds inexperienced with pets, and frankly immature with comments like "fine, I'll just be mean to him". 

The aggression though, especially that size and with children in the home, is completely unacceptable. My ex and I had two terriers that were pretty well trained and we both enjoyed, but the instant they showed any aggression towards children, they were gone without a second chance. My ex had to talk me out of killing one of them right there on the spot when it bit a friend's child on the face, unprovoked. I'm not sure I would even own a dangerous breed with a child in the house, and my favorite dog I ever had was a Rottie.


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## KittyKat

You have a heart. Otherwise, you would not have brought the dog home. And let me say as an animal foster, thank you!

Now, after reading everyone's posts, thanks for the laughs. As for you and this dog, this is what I would suggest.

Once again explain to your husband how you feel. Present the evidence of the items the dog has torn up. Suggest the dog live outside. Tell your hubby the two of you can go shopping at Lowe's or even online and pick out a suitable "house" for the dog. Even a doggy castle. And so the dog doesn't accidentally choke itself, put the house inside a fenced area (combine 2 of the 5'x6'x6' dog enclosures) so he will have plenty of room to run around. Then suggest that each day when the two of you get home from work, you BOTH go for a walk with the dog. This way the dog gets it's exercise and the two of you can have some hand holding time.

Now to answer a couple other posters, oh hell no! Do not take this dog to a shelter. It will be killed within 72 hrs if it is not a "no kill shelter". Sorry folks but that's just the way it is. And the shelter will make you sign a paper stating you know your animal will be killed within a certain time frame.

I would never ever choose a partner over my animals. If you don't have a heart big enough to love animals, don't even bother with me. Take your unibomber ass on down the road to someone else.


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## lilith23

OnTheRocks said:


> I don't own pets now, but I've had dogs that I adored in the past, but it's still just a dog for chrissakes. Why put your marriage and home thru this? Your H sounds inexperienced with pets, and frankly immature with comments like "fine, I'll just be mean to him".
> 
> The aggression though, especially that size and with children in the home, is completely unacceptable. My ex and I had two terriers that were pretty well trained and we both enjoyed, but the instant they showed any aggression towards children, they were gone without a second chance. My ex had to talk me out of killing one of them right there on the spot when it bit a friend's child on the face, unprovoked. I'm not sure I would even own a dangerous breed with a child in the house, and my favorite dog I ever had was a Rottie.


While I agree that in this case, the dog might better get rehomed, since the family is not agreeing nor knowing how to deal with all these conflicts, and that family members should always be put before pets; I can't agree that dogs should be given up or even get to put to sleep just for the slightest display of aggression. I don't know what happened in your case with your dogs, but when owning a dog, people has to realize that they are not fluffly beings and they do have teeth and animal instincts. While well bred dogs will have better temperament and least likely to resort to aggression as instinctual response, dogs ARE capable of showing aggression for several reasons. And to fuss over such a natural thing, better not ever owning dogs at all. With this I don't mean that it's ok for them to get aggressive - what I want to say is that when you own a dog, you have to acknowledge the possibility of them ever showing aggression and then know how to deal with it (at least the basics), and not just abandon or kill every single dogs that came to growl or snap for one time.
Also, children often does things that do stress dogs, unless we supervise 100%, how can we be sure it's unprovoked? I'm not sure if this is your case, but I can say that this is what many inexperienced owners often says when they don't understand why a dog got aggressive.

Sorry for getting slgihtly off topic, it's just it annoys me how some people gets dogs and then don't know how to handle common dog issues that are just part of their natures. Of course kids' safety is more important, but then if people don't really know how to handle dogs' common behavior issues, they shouldn't get dogs or even allow them near children in the first place. A plush is lot safer in this case.


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## lilith23

And to the OP: the dog began to show aggression, and since you don't know how to handle it, and your husband still doesn't put his human family in priority, I agree with your decision that it's either you or the dog. Safety is always a priority, maybe at least what you can do is to rehome the dog. The problem is, if your husband is not taking it seriously (and he can't train the dog to behave too), continuing with the situation is very dangerous. Now it might just be simple aggression, but someday it could become full blown attack, since you don't know how to handle aggression.


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## Bella80

Well... me and my son bought a dog behind my husbands back.. it was wrong, but me and my son love dogs! My husband got mad at first... but saw how much we loved our dog and gave it a chance... it took a while but now he loves the dog more than me and my son... he put his bed in our room so he is not let alone at night while we sleep. Just give it a chance, try to forget how much you hate it.. and try making him a part of the family.. set rules in your household about the dog and give it a chance with a positive out look and see how it goes..


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## OnTheRocks

They both ended up biting children in the face, not drawing blood but leaving a good mark. Animals are unpredictable, and even a little dog can scar a kid for life. Not worth the risk. If humans are worth 10 pts, a good dog ranks around 3 in my book.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lilith23

OnTheRocks said:


> They both ended up biting children in the face, not drawing blood but leaving a good mark. Animals are unpredictable, and even a little dog can scar a kid for life. Not worth the risk. If humans are worth 10 pts, a good dog ranks around 3 in my book.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's true that dogs or other animals are unpredictable, that's why owners should keep things safe and keep the possibility in mind, but if someone can't even deal with such unpredictable yet common thing of dogs, it's better if they never owned dogs at all. A dog owner should keep in mind that dogs can bite for some reason, and for that they don't just give up every single dog that comes to bite or snap, but rather prevent such situations by supervision and management, and not allowing risky interactions with children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Soccerfan73

I'm sure I'll be blacklisted for saying this, but.....

Honestly this is why I wouldn't marry someone who isn't a dog lover. If given an ultimatum I would be tempted to pick the dog.


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## lilith23

The problem isn't exactly the dog, but rather the husband not caring enough for training the dog nor cared about the stress his family has to put up with. I'm a dog lover too, but I don't agree with how someone can not care even when the dog already has shown aggression to his family members. If he's not really being a good dog owner nor a good family member, then it's indeed better to force him to give up, no one should put up with such.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joanie

I totally feel for you! I have two dogs. A three year old rottie and a 7 year old westie. Had them both since they were little pups. I love them both dearly, but will admit they are a heck of a lot of work! I have a a new home and every item in it is new. I was a bit stressed out at first when we moved with the thought of the rottie wreaking havoc. A new home can sometimes cause a dog to regress a bit. I actually had to start using the crate again with the rottie. I felt badly at first but like others have said, she likes it and goes to it on her own. We don't allow the dogs on the furniture and we both STICK to that rule. Funny though. when our kids dog sit while we are gone I notice dog hair all over the sofa. The kids don't enforce the "off the furniture rule" and yet the dogs NEVER jump up on the furniture when we are home. It's tough...a ton of work and and I often think when these two girls are gone...no more pets for me. I do love em...but seriously, they are a huge responsibilty. I watch these dogs like hawks when they are in the house. 

The biting would scare me. As I said, I have a rottie and had her socialize with other dogs and people since she was 8 weeks old. She had never nipped at anyone and I think I would be terrified of her if she ever did. She is gentle as a lamb but I do know if someone ever tried to hurt me she would probably give up her life to protect me. 

Be sure to have tons of chew toys and rawhides for her. My rottie actually chewed the entire windowsill off on my old house in less than an hour. No way will that happen now.....(1) she is crated when I am not home (2) plenty of chew toys for her when she is bored and needs to gnaw on something. She has never damaged anything in this new house but I will tell you why.........because WE (together) are on top of it. Both dog parents have to be equally dilligent in this. 

I really do feel your pain. I love my dogs but also love the home and all the things in it that I worked so hard for. Nothing more upsetting than to have to replace something expensive because a dog ruined it. You two have to work together to be strict with the training. Like others have said...if one owner says one thing and the other something else the dog will be nothing but confused. It's really isn't the dogs fault...dogs will be dogs. It's the two of you not agreeing on the limits. If my mate let my dog ruin the house and not set boundaries my dogs would be gone too. Maybe that makes me b1tchy too! LOL...


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## OnTheRocks

lilith23 said:


> It's true that dogs or other animals are unpredictable, that's why owners should keep things safe and keep the possibility in mind, but if someone can't even deal with such unpredictable yet common thing of dogs, it's better if they never owned dogs at all. A dog owner should keep in mind that dogs can bite for some reason, and for that they don't just give up every single dog that comes to bite or snap, but rather prevent such situations by supervision and management, and not allowing risky interactions with children.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The smug tone here makes it difficult to respond politely, but I will simply say that any dog that lunges out from under a table, bites a child less than 1" from the eye, that was simply walking across a room, in my presence, does not have a bright future.


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## lilith23

OnTheRocks said:


> The smug tone here makes it difficult to respond politely, but I will simply say that any dog that lunges out from under a table, bites a child less than 1" from the eye, that was simply walking across a room, in my presence, does not have a bright future.


I'm sorry if it offended you, although I find it hard to not comment on your posts. I can't comment on what happened in your case, I just want to be clear that what I was commenting about was not exactly what happened on your case, but rather coz your posts promoted the idea that any dog that just snapped or bit for the first time for whatever reason should be given up or even put to sleep. Again, dogs has teeth. When we get an irrational animal with teeth, we have to be conscious that they can use it for some reason, whether it's territorial, defense, resource guarding and so on. Our dogs might behave well in general, but we still have to be careful when they meet someone unfamiliar. They don't see things like "oh it's a child so it's ok", if they are territorial or feel insecure, they might bite anyways. Being the owner, one must be careful specially when it comes to allowing our dogs near children for the first times.
Also, most of the time, the first small signs of aggressions like biting/snapping once can be dealt with simple training/corrections or avoided by enough socialization.

Again, I'm sorry if I offended you. But there's no easier way to disagree with the "any dog that just snapped or bit for the first time for whatever reason should be given up or even put to sleep". This idea just doesn't make sense for anyone who gets a dog.


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## costa200

OwlAlwaysLuvU said:


> The dog is a 100lb rotty mix, who* just the other day attempted to bite myself and my son because he didn't want to get out of the car.* So you really hit the nail on the head with that comment. It has caused a huge shift in the house and I've put my foot down that either the dog goes to the "doggy boot camp" program for two weeks or he needs another home. I don't know what else to do. If he ever bit anyone that would not only be serious for the person who was bit, but the dog, and us potentially being sued.


That is totally unacceptable. Dogs are hierarchical animals. To be trained they have to recognize their position in it. They are at the bottom. Bellow every single family member. This dog isn't properly socialized. 

And hiring trainers is useless unless the trainer explains everyone how to act around the dog. 

If the dog is on the way you make him move. If he is on a place you want to sit he moves. He must never show signs of aggression without immediate action on your part. He must allow you to move his food around without question. When you walk him outside he follows, he doesn't pull the chain. When you stop he stops.

If you fail to do the above then your dog doesn't recognize you as the leader. This is the problem. Rotties are powerful dogs who require confident owners who know what they are doing. Not a starter dog. 

Your husband doesn't know what he is doing and this is an accident waiting to happen. The probability of incidents with neighbors and guests are pretty big.

Here, this site has lots of useful info, including breed indications for the welfare of dogs, and owners:

Dog Breed Info Center®, DBI


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I have 2 dogs that fear bite towards strangers. It's a very huge risk and liability to keep my two dogs. If I wasn't able to control them, they'd be either off to a rescue home or shelter. I tried a behavior specialist and it improved somewhat. I bought our dogs muzzles and use them when company is over, even if they are put away they wear a muzzle. I don't need an accident where one was let loose on accident. 

I keep my dogs because the whole family loves them. If one person hated our dogs in the family they'd go. We all need to work as a team to keep strangers to the dogs safe. There are very strict rules with our dogs. I never expected this. Their behavior is improving as they age. We've had them for about 4 years now.

Not any 2 dogs are alike. They all have different personalities and not every dog fits in every home. That's why the shelters give you a two week trial when bringing a dog home.

I love dogs, cats, all animals. We have a lot of pets ourselves. I would never keep a dog my husband was against. I would never under any circumstances keep an animal that's a possible danger to my child. My children come first. 

I could never handle a dog like a rottie or rottie mix. They actually scare me.


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## CantePe

I need more info on the bite incident. What happened before, during and after.

Every detail before I can deem if it was fear based or aggression based.

I had a coyote mix that was a fear biter. Notice "HAD". He bit my yougest girl in the face. I live with that guilt every day with the physical scars on her face as a constant reminder of it. He nearly took her eye right in front of me at my feet.

I only had him for about 6 months. A friend asked me to take him in but did't tell me up front the abuse history of the dog. Turns out he is terrified of small children due to the previous owner's children throwing rocks at him while chained up in the backyard.

He was also food aggressive with other dogs because of that same owner abusively starving him consistantly. I had him fully trained out of food aggression at the time of the bite incident so it was obvious he knew his place and who alpha was.

My girl tripped over him crawling into my bed and he tore into her face right at my feet.

Again, I live with that every day. It is my fault, my doing that he was in my house, my fault I didn't insist on more history like I should have. As much as I am an avid animal lover, some animals don't belong in a house hold. Especially when the whole house hold can't thrive in a healthy manner together.

It comes down to being able to recognize that the dynamics of the dog - human relationship just isn't healthy for all involved. That there is a time and place where you have to care enough to let that animal go to someone who can provide a better dynamic suitable to that particular animal.


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## CarpetUsedtobeClean

It's interesting to read the comments from the self-righteous types who - when bumping into each other in the park - proudly discuss every measly achievement of their dog in a Top Trumps fashion; the self-proclaimed 'experts' from sheer experience. To say that it's for 'lack of training' or the fault of the human in this case, and many others, is simply unfair.

Some people just aren't meant to have dogs. I am one of these people. Some dogs just aren't capable of being trained - especially if they have been stray or rescued.

My newly-married wife and I adopted a rescued White Alsatian a little over a year and a half ago. The strain it has put on our marriage with the destruction of property and relentless slurries of excrement has let to a chronic level of stress within me personally and our relationship as a consequence.

If you're the kind of person who values your space, freedom, cleanliness and spontaneity... don't get a dog.

If you're the kind of masochist who enjoys crap holidays, ruined cars, poo-matted carpets, less money, less time and a generally mundane life... buy a dog.

Don't have a go at the lady - it's hard enough already. If the dog is making her unhappy, it needs to go. I'm facing a very similar decision at the moment and, I'm afraid, between stress/dog and marriage/freedom, the dog doesn't come close.


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## EleGirl

Zombie thread from 2012. I'm closing it.


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