# he left me 35wks pregnant w/ 22mon old, penniless.



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

My husband of almost 6 years left me 35 weeks pregnant while visiting with family before our overseas move, via text message. We have one toddler together. He refuses to speak to me on the phone, has locked me out of our accounts and refuses to provide spousal support only child support. He seems to be seeing someone else and has been extremely calculated, meanwhile I'm tending to myself (now 40 wks pregnant) and our child that has been in and out of doctors offices every other week. He hasn't asked about her only to say he expects to get unsupervised visitation and hasn't asked how the pregnancy is going at all. He'll be continuing on the overseas move without us in the next few days. I don't know how i'm going on day to day.. I know everything happens for a reason... 

The other day I nearly fell on the floor after seeing a doting father with his 2 children, pushing the double stroller at the park ... While I 40 wks pregnant am trying to run behind my toddler so she could enjoy herself and feel as though her world hasn't just but snatched from underneath her. I'm having some isolation issues... I'm finding myself resentful that my friend's lives haven't stopped, I haven't been embraced as I needed to be... reasonably I know their lives can't stop... they are mothers, wives, career woman etc. But....

I have nothing.. no money, no items, all our debt is in my name. I've had to borrow baby essentials from friends, stand on social services lines, have no representations or any clue when or how to obtain one with no money. I know I'm blessed to have my life, my child(ren), my youth, my faith. But occurrences like the park incident pull at the one divine strand that is hold me together. Does this really get better?? how do you continue to smile for your children when you are wailing inside?? How do you let go of all your old dreams and start new ones from scratch?? how do you know WHAT TO DO??


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

What a coward to leave you pregnant and via text.

First thing find an attorney, because of your financial situation you could find legal aid.

And yes things do get better, especially since this scumbag is out of your life. Do you have any relatives nearby to help you out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Trying to be strong I was were you are 4 months ago (almost). My husband left me with a 22 month old and a 4 week old for an 18 year old! If you click on my name you can see those posts. Like you I was devastated. I had an uterus infection after the birth and he just left me by myself... no family here, I live 'abroad'. I was out of work with no money. I know how you feel. Your whole world just shattered. Mine was a calculating SOB too, turned me against his family before he went. A month after, he introduced his new gf to his family at his intimate bday dinner. So again, I know where you are. The first 3 months were just living a nightmare. I smiled for my toddler like you do, but I felt cut up inside. I had the 'advantage' of 4 weeks over you. I hope, truly hope that you will have someone to help for the first 6 weeks or so after the baby is born. I don't know about your toddler, but my still wakes up, so between the two of them I was and am exhausted. I don't require much sleep now though, I guess due to depression or adrenaline or something. So I hope you have somebody to help. It's so hard. THe worst bit for me is that I am angry. Aside from the obvious cheating bull***** I am angry because I feel like that as*hole stole the most beautiful time of my life from me-my babies being small. My advice is to focus on the children during the day, and then fall to pieces when they fall asleep. Also, come up with a single mom routine. What worked for me especially with the hectic dinner/bathtime was feeding my boy at 5:30 while breastfeeding (if needed.. tricky but doable). Then bath the toddler first at like 6:30 and set them in front of the tv after for some cartoon time (we do what we gotta do), and bathe the baby next. Then take them both to the toddler's bed for a story or whatever, set the toddler off to sleep and then go put the baby to sleep. Then cry, smoke, swear, whatever you need to do. Going to the gym and that self care stuff I don't think actually applies to us at the moment, so read about getting better if you can. I have read a bunch of books already, and the one book I found godsent is "Rebuilding" When Your Relationship Ends, by Bruce Fisher. Really incredible. I first just read the whole thing and now I am reading section by section and working on the separate steps with my shrink. I don't know what the situation is where you live, but in australia you can get a mental health plan, where you can see a psychologist very cheaply. That's a good idea, because you will need someone to keep an eye on how you're doing. This is my 4th month, and even though I still feel like **** and want to kill that moron and wh*re who broke up my marriage (his student), I can function better now. I have a routine and I'm beginning to want to get over things. I still do plenty on internet stalking (Jellybeans will kill me for this), but that's how I found out he cheated (she's a teen and chronicles everything... just typed in her name and bam). This helps me to keep 15 yards ahead now that I know about the betrayal. But it is better, slightly. So it will get better for you.... but it's gonna get worst first just because of the exhaustion of the newborn. If you feel like poo just message me, if I can give you any support that will help me too. Good luck and I hope the birth goes smoothly. No matter how sad I get, I know that I have the babies and right there I win. Cuddles and kisses everyday + the happy hormones from breastfeeding... they will protect your mind for a while. Read up on them-same chemicals as you get post orgasm. Good stuff! Again good luck dear


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

This jerk gives cowards a bad name. He's is more like the pale green slimy stuff cowards get on the bottom of their shoes after they walk through toxic waste.
1) Legal aid: desertion isn't looked on too kindly by most courts. And if they find him, judges will not hesitate to jail him for nonsupport. 
2)Then go to Social services and get all the aid for dependents you can. Call the creditors and tell them he deserted you, you are trying to get some aid, they will work with you as much as possible.
3) Know you are not alone. You are a strong woman and you and your children will make it through this.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

real prince you got there. ....


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Trying to be strong I was were you are 4 months ago (almost). My husband left me with a 22 month old and a 4 week old for an 18 year old! If you click on my name you can see those posts. Like you I was devastated. I had an uterus infection after the birth and he just left me by myself... no family here, I live 'abroad'. I was out of work with no money. I know how you feel. Your whole world just shattered. Mine was a calculating SOB too, turned me against his family before he went. A month after, he introduced his new gf to his family at his intimate bday dinner. So again, I know where you are. The first 3 months were just living a nightmare. I smiled for my toddler like you do, but I felt cut up inside. I had the 'advantage' of 4 weeks over you. I hope, truly hope that you will have someone to help for the first 6 weeks or so after the baby is born. I don't know about your toddler, but my still wakes up, so between the two of them I was and am exhausted. I don't require much sleep now though, I guess due to depression or adrenaline or something. So I hope you have somebody to help. It's so hard. THe worst bit for me is that I am angry. Aside from the obvious cheating bull***** I am angry because I feel like that as*hole stole the most beautiful time of my life from me-my babies being small. My advice is to focus on the children during the day, and then fall to pieces when they fall asleep. Also, come up with a single mom routine. What worked for me especially with the hectic dinner/bathtime was feeding my boy at 5:30 while breastfeeding (if needed.. tricky but doable). Then bath the toddler first at like 6:30 and set them in front of the tv after for some cartoon time (we do what we gotta do), and bathe the baby next. Then take them both to the toddler's bed for a story or whatever, set the toddler off to sleep and then go put the baby to sleep. Then cry, smoke, swear, whatever you need to do. Going to the gym and that self care stuff I don't think actually applies to us at the moment, so read about getting better if you can. I have read a bunch of books already, and the one book I found godsent is "Rebuilding" When Your Relationship Ends, by Bruce Fisher. Really incredible. I first just read the whole thing and now I am reading section by section and working on the separate steps with my shrink. I don't know what the situation is where you live, but in australia you can get a mental health plan, where you can see a psychologist very cheaply. That's a good idea, because you will need someone to keep an eye on how you're doing. This is my 4th month, and even though I still feel like **** and want to kill that moron and wh*re who broke up my marriage (his student), I can function better now. I have a routine and I'm beginning to want to get over things. I still do plenty on internet stalking (Jellybeans will kill me for this), but that's how I found out he cheated (she's a teen and chronicles everything... just typed in her name and bam). This helps me to keep 15 yards ahead now that I know about the betrayal. But it is better, slightly. So it will get better for you.... but it's gonna get worst first just because of the exhaustion of the newborn. If you feel like poo just message me, if I can give you any support that will help me too. Good luck and I hope the birth goes smoothly. No matter how sad I get, I know that I have the babies and right there I win. Cuddles and kisses everyday + the happy hormones from breastfeeding... they will protect your mind for a while. Read up on them-same chemicals as you get post orgasm. Good stuff! Again good luck dear


What a sick ba#$ard he is. 18 yo...


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Call a women's shelter and get a referral to a legal aid lawyer FAST. You need a court order ASAP to support you and your kids. I am so sorry you are going throught this at 9 mths pregnant. What a low-life he is. If I knew him I would kick him in the teeth and nuts.


----------



## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Get a lawyer hopefully some of the debt can be proven its his. Also you have a right to freeze accounts as well. If he owns something valuable talk to attorney if you can put a lien. He is sick.


----------



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

I was in the same position as you. my stbxh kicked me out of our house when i was 8 months pregnant. Didnt call much for our 3 year old, was not involved in the pregnancy at all and wasnt even there for the birth. He acted annoyed when i called to tell him i was going to the hospital to have our son. He came up to visit (military, he was/is at his duty station) 6 hours away. He came up to meet our brand new son and when he left we ended up working things out after we had our son but didnt last long. He left me again. He paid my cell and my car insurance, no child support though. Then he took me name off the bank account, and his car insurance and now he pays me 200 a month (he is suppose to pay 800!) but we havent gone to court yet. 


goodluck hun, you gotta be strong because you are pregnant and you have a toddler. Honestly i wasnt as upset after i had my son having a newborn kept me busy. Id talk to a lawyer and get what you deserve out of him. I was married for 5 years and i know im entitled to alimony from what a lawyer told me.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Lawyer lawyer lawyer. Now. Also, "overseas move" makes me think that he may be military. In which case call his CO now, and consult your local FRG. Hey, CO's can make things happen that civilian courts never can. USE THIS.


----------



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

Thanks to all that replied... A few hours after posting this blog I went in to labor.. almost didn't make it to the hospital. I was alone since my mother had to tend to the toddler but it went QUICK. Too quick to get my epidural! OUCHHHHHH, lol. Nevertheless I had a beautiful baby girl who has been a beacon of hope and strength for me.

Update:
After leaving the hospital my mother insisted I stop at the post office because I'd been receiving certified mail notices. Of course as you all can imagine the coward tried to serve me divorce papers via certified mail. I tried calling some attorney's one advised me that wasn't "legal" so I have not technically been served.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

First off, congratulations on your beautiful daughter! This is what matters, and she will be in your life long after this idiot is a vague memory.

You cannot serve someone by certified mail. Has to be in person.


----------



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Lawyer lawyer lawyer. Now. Also, "overseas move" makes me think that he may be military. In which case call his CO now, and consult your local FRG. Hey, CO's can make things happen that civilian courts never can. USE THIS.



You are correct. Because he's been in limbo (out processed from last base, not checked in to the gaining one yet). Everyone's hands have been tied. He recently reported in and I've been told the rules of engagement will now change.


----------



## fromblisstothis (May 17, 2012)

This breaks my heart … call his MOTHER AND FATHER and ask them if they are proud that they raised a Son that would EVER abandon his children – their GRANDCHILDREN!! This makes me so heartsick…I am very sorry you are going through this.


----------



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

fromblisstothis said:


> This breaks my heart … call his MOTHER AND FATHER and ask them if they are proud that they raised a Son that would EVER abandon his children – their GRANDCHILDREN!! This makes me so heartsick…I am very sorry you are going through this.


Oh his mother and sister have never liked me. According to them I'm "strong willed." exactly their words. His mother's phone number is on the "divorce papers" as his point of contact. She was aware of my due date and situation. She never called or checked in. However, according to our cell phone records <yes the genius was still using the cell phone on my account and left a huge paper trail for me to follow  > He's been in constant communications with her. To know I did my part, I emailed her 3 pics of her grandchildren. Now she's full of questions pertaining to them.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Yeah for another beautiful girl in the world!
Contact his commanding officer. He/she needs to know about this behavior and treatment and they will "suggest" he behave.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Congrats on the baby!!


----------



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl! Hold on tight as the hormones make you vulnerable to postnatal depression. I had the same situation with my ex, he took his new 'gf' to dinner with his parents a month after he left, when my baby was 8 weeks old. Bastard. I too am strong willed so f*ck these bastards. You hold on and it must get better. It's been going on 4 months so far for me, and it feels a little better. Not as raw anymore. Finances are my biggest source of anxiety now, and let me tell you, nothing cures love like an ******* not providing for his children. We'll get through this. Keep me updated  best of luck


----------



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Trying to be strong I was were you are 4 months ago (almost). My husband left me with a 22 month old and a 4 week old for an 18 year old! If you click on my name you can see those posts. Like you I was devastated. I had an uterus infection after the birth and he just left me by myself... no family here, I live 'abroad'. I was out of work with no money. I know how you feel. Your whole world just shattered. Mine was a calculating SOB too, turned me against his family before he went. A month after, he introduced his new gf to his family at his intimate bday dinner. So again, I know where you are. The first 3 months were just living a nightmare. I smiled for my toddler like you do, but I felt cut up inside. I had the 'advantage' of 4 weeks over you. I hope, truly hope that you will have someone to help for the first 6 weeks or so after the baby is born. I don't know about your toddler, but my still wakes up, so between the two of them I was and am exhausted. I don't require much sleep now though, I guess due to depression or adrenaline or something. So I hope you have somebody to help. It's so hard. THe worst bit for me is that I am angry. Aside from the obvious cheating bull***** I am angry because I feel like that as*hole stole the most beautiful time of my life from me-my babies being small. My advice is to focus on the children during the day, and then fall to pieces when they fall asleep. Also, come up with a single mom routine. What worked for me especially with the hectic dinner/bathtime was feeding my boy at 5:30 while breastfeeding (if needed.. tricky but doable). Then bath the toddler first at like 6:30 and set them in front of the tv after for some cartoon time (we do what we gotta do), and bathe the baby next. Then take them both to the toddler's bed for a story or whatever, set the toddler off to sleep and then go put the baby to sleep. Then cry, smoke, swear, whatever you need to do. Going to the gym and that self care stuff I don't think actually applies to us at the moment, so read about getting better if you can. I have read a bunch of books already, and the one book I found godsent is "Rebuilding" When Your Relationship Ends, by Bruce Fisher. Really incredible. I first just read the whole thing and now I am reading section by section and working on the separate steps with my shrink. I don't know what the situation is where you live, but in australia you can get a mental health plan, where you can see a psychologist very cheaply. That's a good idea, because you will need someone to keep an eye on how you're doing. This is my 4th month, and even though I still feel like **** and want to kill that moron and wh*re who broke up my marriage (his student), I can function better now. I have a routine and I'm beginning to want to get over things. I still do plenty on internet stalking (Jellybeans will kill me for this), but that's how I found out he cheated (she's a teen and chronicles everything... just typed in her name and bam). This helps me to keep 15 yards ahead now that I know about the betrayal. But it is better, slightly. So it will get better for you.... but it's gonna get worst first just because of the exhaustion of the newborn. If you feel like poo just message me, if I can give you any support that will help me too. Good luck and I hope the birth goes smoothly. No matter how sad I get, I know that I have the babies and right there I win. Cuddles and kisses everyday + the happy hormones from breastfeeding... they will protect your mind for a while. Read up on them-same chemicals as you get post orgasm. Good stuff! Again good luck dear


Im with my mom in her small apartment. its been an adjustment for her to say the least. i know there's no where else she'd have me be right now.. but health isn't on her side.. mid 60s, she's a breast cancer survivor, diabetes, high blood pressure, bad back. i know this hasn't been easy on her, she helps the most she can. 

and of course i'm a breast feeder as well... like i honestly have that "luxury" especially with a toddler and sleep is a thing of the past. my 22 month old still wakes through the night too. so i FEEL your pain.

last night i slept btwn my 2 girls and had a moment of peace and hope. we were all together... yes not in our own space or what have you but something about the togetherness warmed me. and the fact i got 4 straight hrs of sleep helped too!!


----------



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> Yeah for another beautiful girl in the world!
> Contact his commanding officer. He/she needs to know about this behavior and treatment and they will "suggest" he behave.


Oh I have.. I suppose today he finally reported in and he was confronted. So he sent me a "nice" email telling me how I talked about being civil.. meanwhile I went behind his back and contacted his old command and gaining command... what was I trying to do? scare him or have them form an opinion about him... etc etc. He was actually pissed at me and confronted me about seeking help from them. I have to say that his email helped me more than anything... I saw that he is a conscious-less, soul-less being. And him leaving is really a blessing. Thank God my children... at least for now.. aren't learning their morals and values from him.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

trying2bstrong said:


> Oh I have.. I suppose today he finally reported in and he was confronted. So he sent me a "nice" email telling me how I talked about being civil.. meanwhile I went behind his back and contacted his old command and gaining command... what was I trying to do? scare him or have them form an opinion about him... etc etc. He was actually pissed at me and confronted me about seeking help from them. I have to say that his email helped me more than anything... I saw that he is a conscious-less, soul-less being. And him leaving is really a blessing. Thank God my children... at least for now.. aren't learning their morals and values from him.


Way to go. You stay strong for those kids. You are NOT going behind his back, you are providing for your family. And if he doesn't like the opinion they form of him from HIS actions, tell him he can behave accordingly. You go girl!


----------

