# I'm gonna cheat



## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

I have been weighing the pros and cons. With the proper precautions, it really makes a lot of sense to me. I have a thread I started in Sex in
Marriage section. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/99977-very-frustrated-4.html#post3228026
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Cappadonna said:


> I have been weighing the pros and cons. With the proper precautions, it really makes a lot of sense to me. I have a thread I started in Sex in
> Marriage section.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/99977-very-frustrated-4.html#post3228026
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So would you like a medal now? Rubbing your proposed infidelity into the noses of a bunch of people whose loves were destroyed by a cheating spouse doesn't seem like a very kind thing to do...

Oh, and if you thought you couldn't afford a divorce before... Wait till your wife finds out you cheated on her. And then you end up in the middle of an angry divorce, instead of potentially amicable. You'll be in for a world of financial hurt.

C


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Actually it makes very little sense. Get a real and honest life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

What a fantastic role model for your children. You must be so proud of yourself.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

PBear said:


> So would you like a medal now? Rubbing your proposed infidelity into the noses of a bunch of people whose loves were destroyed by a cheating spouse doesn't seem like a very kind thing to do...
> 
> Oh, and if you thought you couldn't afford a divorce before... Wait till your wife finds out you cheated on her. And then you end up in the middle of an angry divorce, instead of potentially amicable. You'll be in for a world of financial hurt.
> 
> C


I'm very sorry if I am causing pain for anyone. I really see my situation as unique as my spouse has closed off the D option and also tefuses sex and subjects me to verbal abuse. Do I really have another option?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Before you post on this you NEED to read his other thread.

Trust me on this.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Before you post on this you NEED to read his other thread.
> 
> Trust me on this.


Just read it. He might as well get divorced as he's probably screwed anyway. Once he gets caught having an affair she'll probably wind up just divorcing him anyway and on top of that his kids will most likely side with her and lose respect for him. Going from what he's said of her in the other thread she doesn't sound like the type who would have any problem letting her kids know what he did.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I have been weighing the pros and cons. With the proper precautions, it really makes a lot of sense to me. I have a thread I started in Sex in
> Marriage section.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/99977-very-frustrated-4.html#post3228026
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Riiiight. You are so smart you can cheat without consequence?

*And so, your cheating is doomed to fail miserably.* Everyone will either hate you, pity you or hit on you.

Look, joking to one side, it is not worth it.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You have another option.... Divorce!

It's the manly thing to do. Cheating is cowardly. Your teaching your children it's okay to be a coward.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

You don't want to divorce because of financial harm. Yeah, banging another woman won't lead to divorce and even more financial harm. 

Great logic!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> You have another option.... Divorce!
> 
> It's the manly thing to do. Cheating is cowardly. Your teaching your children it's okay to be a coward.


D means living in a sh!thole basement aparment, neglecting and jeopordizing my canine family members, and failing to provide for my childrens college. How is that honorably or manly. 

Staying in faithful in marriage means humiliating masturbation and living with abusive comments.

Cheating without getting caught will give me sexual satisfaction, improved self esteem and well I suppose I need to just compartmentalize a bit.

Cheating with getting caught means D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Cheaters always think they're smart enough not to get caught. And yet, read the threads here. They aren't.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

She's already trying to make you out like the rat in the wood pile and it seems to me that she's just picking the fights at random just to make your life miserable so why would you want to give her more fuel for her fire? Just divorce her and be done with it. Having an affair would only add more misery to your life. Divorce isn't easy and if you ask any one who subscribes to this forum, they'll tell you the same so why compound things by stepping out of your marriage? It would be like pushing on a bruise. It hurts without pushing on it so why increase the pain. Believe me, there is no sex from any woman who is that good. Divorce and you'll still be able to have your dignity. Cheat and you run a big risk of losing your kids.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

BetrayedAgain7 said:


> So. You're here to seek approval to cheat?
> 
> Maybe a better way would be to grow a pair and create some boundaries. Then enforce them. You sound weak. You may very well be a "ninja" lol, but from where I sit you're just another wimpy guy looking for a way out instead of manning up.
> 
> Your wife has your b*lls in her purse. Why don't you reclaim them and show your kids what it is to be a real man?


My wife has a fat effemminate father and constantly tells me I should be more like him. When I act dominant or manly she immediately taunts me and tries to "knock me down a few pegs". Alpha behavior to her is abusive due to her upbringing with an effeminate dad. She threatens to have me arrested if I so much as raise my voice to her. I am not a sissy. I can kill most men my age with my bare hands. I'm not bragging and I'm not violent. I am a fun-loving well adjusted and I have lots of friends. Once during a fight, she said she hates me and have no friends. I pointed out to her that I do have a lot of friends and they like me. She proceeded to text my friends to "make them hate me" she's 47 years old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Dude, you don't need to cheat, you need to escape. Sounds like your wife may OJ you if you get caught. 

Are you in fear of her???.....run like hell. Your not in a marriage, your in a prison and cheating doesn't get you out of that disaster. What your proposing as your salvation is the equivalent to the house being on fire so you'll drive a car into it.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> My wife has a fat effemminate father and constantly tells me I should be more like him. When I act dominant or manly she immediately taunts me and tries to "knock me down a few pegs". Alpha behavior to her is abusive due to her upbringing with an effeminate dad. She threatens to have me arrested if I so much as raise my voice to her. I am not a sissy. I can kill most men my age with my bare hands. I'm not bragging and I'm not violent. I am a fun-loving well adjusted and I have lots of friends. Once during a fight, she said she hates me and have no friends. I pointed out to her that I do have a lot of friends and they like me. She proceeded to text my friends to "make them hate me" she's 47 years old.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then you still need to grow a pair and show your kids what a real man does when he is being overtly abused in this way.....he gets his ducks in a row and leaves! Check out dads.divorce forum to find out how to do this correctly. Your wife sounds like she is sick to be honest. BPD perhaps? Read the book: walking on eggshells. It may enlighten you.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

BetrayedAgain7 said:


> Then you still need to grow a pair and show your kids what a real man does when he is being overtly abused in this way.....he gets his ducks in a row and leaves! Check out dads.divorce forum to find out how to do this correctly. Your wife sounds like she is sick to be honest. BPD perhaps? Read the book: walking on eggshells. It may enlighten you.


D is imminent just it will take 3 to 5 years to "get my ducks in a row". I'm not waiting 3-5 years to have good sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I'm very sorry if I am causing pain for anyone. I really see my situation as unique as my spouse has closed off the D option and also tefuses sex and subjects me to verbal abuse. Do I really have another option?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How is it possible to close off divorce? You just file and that's that.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Suspecting said:


> How is it possible to close off divorce? You just file and that's that.


As I've stated before please read I have two sons 8 and 11 and three dogs who depend on me. D means my kids can't go to college and jeopardizing my canine family members. She will not get a jib or make divorce easy and threatens to tell the judge I am abusive and refuse custody. I will try to get my "ducks lined up" but I'm not waiting 5 years to have sex. And we can't afford a lawyer . Thats just even less collwge savings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

so your not going to get caught but your posting on the computer to everybody that your going to cheat and not get caught!

Irony.

If your going to cheat your off to a poor start.


Man up.and do the right thing. it will be the best decisions of your life.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> so your not going to get caught but your posting on the computer to everybody that your going to cheat and not get caught!
> 
> Irony.
> 
> ...


Ok then I guess my kids don't get to goto college then. And I'll just dropoff my dogs at the pound, sell the house and move to a ****ty basement apartment! No way. Not happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Ok then I guess my kids don't get to goto college then. And I'll just dropoff my dogs at the pound, sell the house and move to a ****ty basement apartment! No way. Not happening.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Kids can go to college. Mine are managing just fine. One is paying her way through community college. The other is at a university on scholarships. 

Next excuse?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Ok then I guess my kids don't get to goto college then. And I'll just dropoff my dogs at the pound, sell the house and move to a ****ty basement apartment! No way. Not happening.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop the excuses.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Okay than just go cheat you cheating cheater. 

My friend, have some effing self respect. Don't go down this road. Go see a lawyer and learn the truth about your situation. Quit jumping to uneducated conclusions about things. I don't think the reality is nearly as bad as your assumptions.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Can anyone suggest an option that doesn't involve the following:

1) depleting college savings
2) abandoning three dogs
3) me living in a sh!thole
4) sexually frustration
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm guessing you we're just looking for everyone to tell you that this is perfectly right and you are so justified in seeking an affair. That isn't gonna happen here.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

LostViking said:


> Okay than just go cheat you cheating cheater.
> 
> My friend, have some effing self respect. Don't go down this road. Go see a lawyer and learn the truth about your situation. Quit jumping to uneducated conclusions about things. I don't think the reality is nearly as bad as your assumptions.


I saw a lawyer and yes I know the options. I'm not making assumptions. I don't have $$$ for a divorce. She is an abusive SAHM. Simple but frustrating situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> I'm guessing you we're just looking for everyone to tell you that this is perfectly right and you are so justified in seeking an affair. That isn't gonna happen here.


No i'm asking for advice on avoidind four things stated in previous post
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Is this what you want to tell your kids?
That if they are unhappy in their marriage, then having an affair is perfectly acceptable? That ripping apart a family is perfectly acceptable?

And you don't think your wife won't find out? 
Here is a news flash: We, as guys, are forgetful. And stupid by accident. 
I would leave myself logged into my email all the time at home when I shouldn't. I barely ever locked my phone. I occasionally find receipts for crap I don't remember buying. Why, this morning was laundry day for me. I found a receipt for a dozen donuts. I don't even remember the last time I had donuts!

Now, think this through. 
You will have to keep your wife, your verbally abusive wife, in the dark, for 3 years. 
Now, could you probably get away with this for one year? Probably, yea. 
Two years? Doubtful. 
Three years? No. 

There are too many things that could happen. And when your wife finds out, how do you think she'll respond? I am actually scared to think about it from the way you describe her. She might snap and physically hurt you. Wouldn't be the first time. 

If you want good sex, trust me, it is worth the time to wait. 
If you really can't get over it, might I suggest ordering some toys or something. They'll be much safer and she can't get too upset over that.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Can anyone suggest an option that doesn't involve the following:
> 
> 1) depleting college savings
> 2) abandoning three dogs
> ...


If the accounts are set up as college trusts, they aren't your assets and likely safe. Seek an attorneys opinion on that. 

Why abandon the dogs? You can keep them. Or she can. 

There are great living accommodations in all price ranges. 

Divorce and you can fvck whoever you choose. 

You're just assuming you'll be financially screwed.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Cappadonna said:


> Can anyone suggest an option that doesn't involve the following:
> 
> 1) depleting college savings
> 2) abandoning three dogs
> ...


most likley 99% chance you get caught and guess what all that will happen anyways.

its an ugly world. some time life throws you a curve ball. but many and most overcome the adversity that comes your way. If your kids have to take out loans then so be it. if you have to sleep in an apartment then so be it . things will eventually get better and you will be motivated to better your situation. you might blossom without the stress of your wife around and you can run your life as you see fit. you might score a better job. any number of things could happen. try to have an open mind and you might be surprised.


or take a poor chance of not getting caught and ending up much worse off.

good luck


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

If things were truly that bad, you would find away to get out. People either find a way or they find excuses.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Honestly I don't care WTF you do. You're not the first to think this way by a long shot, and definitely won't be the last. My problem is this: I thought this was a forum for people like me trying to cope with the infidelity of their spouses, not selfish cheaters like you trying to cope with their own infidelity and looking for someone to validate their screwed up actions. Not going to happen here I'm sorry. I don't see how your post helps WS' s cope in anyway. Good luck, really. You're going to need it.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> If the accounts are set up as college trusts, they aren't your assets and likely safe. Seek an attorneys opinion on that.
> 
> Why abandon the dogs? You can keep them. Or she can.
> 
> ...


Sorry I checked it all out and the only affordable places around here that I will be able to afford are in drug infested gang infested neaighborhoods and we need a fairly lagre house to take care of the dogs. As far as college savings i need to continue to contribute to afford college. All that stops when I move out. She doesn't work. Cheapest apartment around here is about $1400 per month and don't allow pets let alone three dogs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Sorry I checked it all out and the only affordable places around here that I will be able to afford are in drug infested gang infested neaighborhoods and we need a fairly lagre house to take care of the dogs. As far as college savings i need to continue to contribute to afford college. All that stops when I move out. She doesn't work. Cheapest apartment around here is about $1400 per month and don't allow pets let alone three dogs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's all about choices. You choose the dirty path. It's gonna get even uglier WHEN she finds out. Chances are, that's what she's hoping you'll do so she can REALLY screw you. 

Take the initial financial hit and move the f on. Seriously, man the f up.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Also, kids are not guaranteed a free paid ride to college. Most of us have had to work for our way. It's not a bad thing to earn your own education and appreciate it a bit more.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

In your other post you stated that if you divorced she told you she would destroy you financially. So if you cheat, and you get caught thats whats gonna happen anyway. 

So If I were you, instead of worrying about cheating, you might want to worry more about finding a place to live. The marriage sounds unstable and unhealthy anyway, cheating will just add to the dysfunction its already in.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Re: I'm gonna cheat*



Cappadonna said:


> My wife has a fat effemminate father and constantly tells me I should be more like him. When I act dominant or manly she immediately taunts me and tries to "knock me down a few pegs". Alpha behavior to her is abusive due to her upbringing with an effeminate dad. She threatens to have me arrested if I so much as raise my voice to her. I am not a sissy. I can kill most men my age with my bare hands. I'm not bragging and I'm not violent. I am a fun-loving well adjusted and I have lots of friends. Once during a fight, she said she hates me and have no friends. I pointed out to her that I do have a lot of friends and they like me. She proceeded to text my friends to "make them hate me" she's 47 years old.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you can kill most men with your bare hands, but your wife can defeat you any time she wants? You're afraid she can take away your world in an instant. You're whipped and you know it. You cheat and you admit defeat. Go ahead let her make you a coward. 

Nice guy behavior again.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> D is imminent just it will take 3 to 5 years to "get my ducks in a row". I'm not waiting 3-5 years to have good sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're full of excuses aren't you?

Pathetic.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> So you can kill most men with your bare hands, but your wife can defeat you any time she wants? You're afraid she can take away your world in an instant. You're whipped and you know it. You cheat and you admit defeat. Go ahead let her make you a coward.
> 
> Nice guy behavior again.



Can you suggest an option that doesn't involve the following:

1) depleting college savings
2) abandoning three dogs
3) me living in a sh!thole
4) sexually frustration
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

If you're going to cheat, go ahead and cheat. But I really don't get what the point of you posting on this site is. You're not going to get any encouragement from anyone here. Especially seeing how this section is mostly filled with individuals who have been cheated on by their spouses. You might as well roll the dice, go ahead and cheat, and prepare to lie in the bed you make for yourself. But you're not going to get a slap on the back and a "Go get em tiger!" from any of us.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Do you not have any family that could help you until you get on your feet financially?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Do you think maybe she hopes you do cheat? That way you will be bad guy, and she can get More thru the divorce proceeding?


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## itom72 (Apr 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Cheapest apartment around here is about $1400 per month


You haven't looked hard enough, or are looking in the wrong places. I live in the greater Chicagoland area, and am renting a room in a house for $450 per month. There are three middle-aged men and a dog in the home, BTW.

Look, I read your other thread, so I know your situation. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

You're not being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the realm known as Cheatersville. You *want* to cheat - BADLY - and you're seeking justification from others, a chorus of people saying "Atta boy!", for your intended behavior.

You don't love your wife. You HATE her, and this is your way of getting back at her for her sh!tty behavior.

You should have followed through on your threat to leave her back in 2000. Instead, you doubled down, had two kids with her, and built a life with her that you've hated for a long time. You think sticking your d!ck in strange is going to help matters, but if she finds out, it'll make your current status look like a Sunday School picnic compared to the hell she'll unleash on you.

Cut your losses. Divorce NOW, and swallow the bitter pill. Understand that the next few years are going to be rough regardless, but that in three to five years' time, you'll be in a much better place than you are now.

Finally, so far as your children's college educations are concerned, let me assure you that determination and perseverance can more than make up for lack of funds or the "right" opportunities. Without giving away too much personal information here, let me just say that I went from attending a tiny, understaffed high school and taking my share of community college courses to getting a Ph.D. in a STEM discipline. If your kids want an education badly enough, they'll find a way to get it.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Jamison said:


> Do you not have any family that could help you until you get on your feet financially?


No family. A large percentage of "successful" divorces involve supporting family members. I live far from my family. I live in my wife's hometown.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

itom72 said:


> You haven't looked hard enough, or are looking in the wrong places. I live in the greater Chicagoland area, and am renting a room in a house for $450 per month. There are three middle-aged men and a dog in the home, BTW.
> 
> Look, I read your other thread, so I know your situation. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?
> 
> ...


Thank you for reading all of my posts I really appreciate your opinion. It will take some time to process. I don't 100% agree with all you said but I appreciate your educated reponse. Thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I'm hoping this is a troll because it's really uncool to come here bragging about cheating when people are hurting and trying to wrap their hearts and minds around healing. 

Most of us didn't have the "luxury" of a spouse who went to a message board and got some sense talked into them before they cheated. People here took their time to share experienced advice with you so you would be wise to digest it and take action on leaving her.


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## itom72 (Apr 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Thank you for reading all of my posts I really appreciate your opinion. It will take some time to process. I don't 100% agree with all you said but I appreciate your educated reponse. Thanks


You're welcome, and good luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> *I can kill most men my age with my bare hands. I'm not bragging and I'm not violent. I am a fun-loving well adjusted...*


That sentence is a non sequitur.

You tell us you can kill most men of your age with your bare hands. But you are not bragging. And even though you can kill most men your age with your bare hands, you are not violent. You are fun-loving and well adjusted. No. That doesn't sound right.

Your wife has messed with your mind so much that you can type stuff like that and not realise it is contradictory and questionable.

You need help (like counselling) to be able to sort your confusion out.


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

You want a solution that doesn't end up with you losing half your assets/paycheque, family, dogs, and living in a ****roach infested apartment?

Well, whatever you do, don't cheat on your wife with a single woman. If you end up breaking up, she will likely want revenge and tell your wife everything. Financial ruin ensues.

Don't cheat on your wife with a married woman, either. In 3-5 years she might have gotten her own 'ducks in a row', and when she's a single woman who you won't divorce your wife to be with (since she was just a wet hole to you), she might get nasty and spill the beans. Financial ruin ensues.

Your best bet when it comes to cheating is an elderly, preferably widowed, possibly blind, hopefully deaf old lady. She won't figure out you're married and use it to her own advantage. And she'll be glad for the company.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I have been weighing the pros and cons. With the proper precautions, it really makes a lot of sense to me. I have a thread I started in Sex in
> Marriage section.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/99977-very-frustrated-4.html#post3228026
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I read some, not all your post. It sounds a little like you could write a book titled "1,001 excuses not to get a much needed divorce". Her being 47 seems you must have married a much older dame which is usually a mistake.
At any rate, I went through pretty much what you're describing. You can have as many affairs as you possibly can but you will never have peace, contentment, and happiness until you get rid of her. Take your dogs and hit the road. Let the kids pay their own education like me and a scores of other have. (but I think there's more to it than you're revealing.)


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> That sentence is a non sequitur.
> 
> You tell us you can kill most men of your age with your bare hands. But you are not bragging. And even though you can kill most men your age with your bare hands, you are not violent. You are fun-loving and well adjusted. No. That doesn't sound right.
> 
> ...


Will Sonnett
no brag just fact - YouTube


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I have been weighing the pros and cons. With the proper precautions, it really makes a lot of sense to me.


Were you actually looking for advice?

It's not clear from your posts and threads.

I'll throw my hat into the ring and say that your reasons for not divorcing are not valid and cheating isn't going to get you the satisfaction you're looking for. 

Get out of the marriage at whatever cost and then move on with your life in a positive direction.

Otherwise you're just spinning your tires indefinitely.

No way to live.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I just don't get the line of reasoning ... well kids, I cheated on your mom so that you could go to college; you should be thanking me.

How about growing a pair and do the honorable thing? You can find a way and it is never as bad as you think. 

As far as the college thing goes there are such things as student loans and if you are going to be as crushed financially as you say you are, they will probably qualify. They don't start paying it back until they are done and by then the situation will be completely different. If you already have college savings then you can already help out; you don't need to pay for the whole thing the day they start school. You will find a way.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

I responded to your other topic "Frustrated". Just putting this out there and I do NOT condone secretive, affair behaviour but will say what about an "open marriage"? I know a few whom this has worked for and although not for me, it works for others.

Basically an "open marriage" is where both partners agree that they can engage in extramarital sexual relationships but it is not regarded as infidelity.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How do you propose to keep your affair hidden?


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> I responded to your other topic "Frustrated". Just putting this out there and I do NOT condone secretive, affair behaviour but will say what about an "open marriage"? I know a few whom this has worked for and although not for me, it works for others.
> 
> Basically an "open marriage" is where both partners agree that they can engage in extramarital sexual relationships but it is not regarded as infidelity.


Thanks! Good idea. She actually suggested it once. We went as far as setting up an extra bedroom. Then she got cold feet. Obviously jealous. I even agreed to date women out of town. She said it would be too much fun for me and she didn't think she could attract a decent guy due to her insecurites about her appearance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> Thanks! Good idea. She actually suggested it once. We went as far as setting up an extra bedroom. Then she got cold feet. Obviously jealous. I even agreed to date women out of town. She said it would be too much fun for me and she didn't think she could attract a decent guy due to her insecurites about her appearance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Go back to her again and ask if she would be OK with you going on a "date" with another woman? Be open and honest, its the "affair" behind her back thing that is bad!!! Also, go to a Swingers club!!! 

I was told by a married man who engages in this that men are not so picky in terms of looks when it comes to extramarital activities. So maybe your wife won't have as much as a hard time as she thinks. Same must go for women! 

_Note: As I said before, I do not condone secretive affair/cheating, but discussing something where both partners agree! _


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Go back to her again and ask if she would be OK with you going on a "date" with another woman? Be open and honest, its the "affair" behind her back thing that is bad!!! Also, go to a Swingers club!!!
> 
> I was told by a married man who engages in this that men are not so picky in terms of looks when it comes to extramarital activities. So maybe your wife won't have as much as a hard time as she thinks. Same must go for women!
> 
> _Note: As I said before, I do not condone secretive affair/cheating, but discussing something where both partners agree! _


No way to the swingers stuff!! I'm just recovering from the ripple effects of our fights last November and that involved the previous discussion on open marriage. I don't think she will change her stance. If you read more of my posts, you will see that she is always trying to "knock me down a few pegs" allowing me to date doesn't fit in with it all her insecurity issues and need to put me down and immasculate me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Oh boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

justdance4me said:


> Also, go to a Swingers club!!!



I think that's an excellent idea. Moreover, exposing her to other guys with different, new, and often better techniques may awaken her sleeping sexual desire and revitalize the marriage. It happened to a former coworker who got into swinging and said being with other experienced men caused her to appreciate the joy of sex and taught her husband to be a better lover.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I think that's an excellent idea. Moreover, exposing her to other guys with different, new, and often better techniques may awaken her sleeping sexual desire and revitalize the marriage. It happened to a former coworker who got into swinging and said being with other experienced men caused her to appreciate the joy of sex and taught her husband to be a better lover.


No way!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm workin' on my "date" now I'll let y'all how I make out. Peace out! MCF!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Mentioning your dogs' welfare in the same sentence with your kids' welfare, every time they come up, says a lot about you as a person.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I think that's an excellent idea. Moreover, exposing her to other guys with different, new, and often better techniques may awaken her sleeping sexual desire and revitalize the marriage. It happened to a former coworker who got into swinging and said being with other experienced men caused her to appreciate the joy of sex and taught her husband to be a better lover.


Exactly. You can have an "open marriage" with you just dating but if she wants to explore too would you allow her? 

Good luck with your "date" but let her know, thats the whole purpose of "open marriage"!!!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

OnTheRocks said:


> Mentioning your dogs' welfare in the same sentence with your kids' welfare, every time they come up, says a lot about you as a person.


Yes it means we treat our dogs as family!! Unlike some of the savages in our society. Kids will eventually fend for themselves. Dogs become more dependent as they age. You can explain things to kids and they may understand some day. MCF
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Exactly. You can have an "open marriage" with you just dating but if she wants to explore too would you allow her?
> 
> Good luck with your "date" but let her know, thats the whole purpose of "open marriage"!!!


She would be insanely jealous!! Would make her spin out of control if I told her. She is not comfortable with her body. She has a lot of sexual hangups and insecurities. She was a 26 year old virgin when we met (only had oral and that sort of thing before me). It would be extremely difficult for her to get comfortable with another guy. Thanks for the good wishes on my "date". Its probably gonna happen and wow I didn't realize how women are. Shocking! I need to have my buddy do a little "recon" before I do anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

No good is going to come from this. You can just see it. Your dvck is doing the thinking and you are going to throw your honor away for a piece of azz. When the chips are down and you have no one you still have your dignity and your honor. You have your vows you made, you integrity. At the end of the day I can look at myself and tho I may not be rich, handsome, muscled, kind, generous or loving I can say I have my honor, integrity and dignity. Somedays that may be all I have but in the end those are the only things no one can take from us.

Socrates said that a bad man cannot really hurt a good man. You know why? Because he believed that the essential part of you was your soul and the only person who could really hurt that was yourself. By inviting in vice and denying virtue. What you are about to do is to take away an essential part of yourself even if you don't realize the damage you will be doing to yourself it will still be there you will rape and violate your own virtue. You know what you are doing it wrong you even know that the reasons for not doing the right thing are shallow and superficial but you are choosing to instead close your eyes and voluntarily give up your integrity. Nothing good will come of this, how could it with that as a basis. I wish you the best and I hope you do find your way out of this.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Enjoy your dogs.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Never thought a cheater could be so... 

beta.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> Never thought a cheater could be so...
> 
> beta.


When I act alpha she calls the cops so I just ignore her. What's so beta about me anyway? I'm kinda neutral with her. Don't take too much crap from her. Do as I please. I just don't talk to her much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

It sounds like a typical case of wanting the cake and eating it too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> When I act alpha she calls the cops so I just ignore her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all, the fact that you're calling it "Acting alpha" is indicative that you're probably not. 

Second of all, the attributes attributed to being alpha are not an act, they're a way of life, not something to practice in the mirror. 

Third, being alpha doesn't mean being abusive or even belligerent. It means not caring what she thinks. It's aloof. Divorce her ass man. Don't cheat. Cheating is about as cowardly and omega as it can get. 

Fourth, if you sleep with some dude's wife, you'll get your ass kicked. I'm pegging you as an average weight guy. Buck eighty? 

I'm not saying your situation is not lamentable. I'm saying that cheating is not going to help you in any capacity, and it says a lot more about you than it would about your marriage, good or bad. It won't fix the marriage, it won't give you the escapism you crave, and it won't fix you as a person. It's a band-aid at best, and the band-aid you're looking at has dung on it. 

Just divorce her. She'll respect you, your family and friends will respect you, and you'll start to respect yourself.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> It sounds like a typical case of wanting the cake and eating it too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Yes I want the following:
Educated Children
Safety and security for kids and dogs
Roof over my head
Sex

is that too much to ask?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> Yes I want the following:
> Educated Children
> Safety and security for kids and dogs
> Roof over my head
> ...


If you're not going to acquire those things through honest means, yes. 

All I want is money. Is that too much to ask? 

So I can steal?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

This is becoming a waste of time.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> Yes I want the following:
> Educated Children
> Safety and security for kids and dogs
> Roof over my head
> ...


Sorry but you need to be a little selfish about what is best for you and after reading all of your posts, staying with your wife is not the answer. She seems psycho who needs help! If she calls the cops, tell them that she is being psychotic and it is impacting the kids, they will take her away and you will have your kids and dogs.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> First of all, the fact that you're calling it "Acting alpha" is indicative that you're probably not.
> 
> Second of all, the attributes attributed to being alpha are not an act, they're a way of life, not something to practice in the mirror.
> 
> ...


I'm not abusive or beligerent ever. She is abusive and beligerent I always am aloof and do as I please. BTW if you think weight has anything to do with self- defense or fighting skills you know very little about fighting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> I'm not abusive or beligerent ever. She is abusive and beligerent I always am aloof and do as I please. BTW if you think weight has anything to do with self- defense or fighting skills you know very little about fighting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice blanket statement. I'm not saying it's the end all be all.

But if *you* think weight *doesn't* have anything to do with it, it's you who knows nothing about fighting.

You're not aloof. You're letting this woman lead you around. You don't even have the balls to divorce her. Just be upfront and tell her either she's going to start working on herself and on your marriage, or you're done.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think either way you are going to end up divorced. You can either get your ducks in a row and be celibate for five years or go have an A and have your wife file. Are you in a no fault state?


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I think either way you are going to end up divorced. You can either get your ducks in a row and be celibate for five years or go have an A and have your wife file. Are you in a no fault state?


No fault state. Not getting caught. MCF
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> Nice blanket statement. I'm not saying it's the end all be all.
> 
> But if *you* think weight *doesn't* have anything to do with it, it's you who knows nothing about fighting.
> 
> You're not aloof. You're letting this woman lead you around. You don't even have the balls to divorce her. Just be upfront and tell her either she's going to start working on herself and on your marriage, or you're done.


I did work on my marriage. Went to IC. Then couples therapy. Thar was a big time beta move and massive failure! That ended, things got better immediately. Everything is fine now just lacikng sex. That is about to change soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> Yes I want the following:
> Educated Children
> Safety and security for kids and dogs
> Roof over my head
> ...


Well apparently you can't have those things with your wife. You stated she was verbally abusive and doesn't want to have sex with you, so maybe if you divorce her you could have those things some day with someone else.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> Well apparently you can't have those things with your wife. You stated she was verbally abusive and doesn't want to have sex with you, so maybe if you divorce her you could have those things some day with someone else.


I'm not leaving my children!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> No fault state. Not getting caught. MCF
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know what MCF means. But if she's insanely jealous and psycho she is going to be onto like white on rice.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> I'm not leaving my children!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What if you cheat, your wife finds out and then you might not have a choice? You may lose everything you are wanting to keep. Then what?


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

If shes not giving you sex, then my guess is she may already think you are getting it elsewhere or that it will be a matter of time before you do. Shes probably laying low getting her ducks in a row waiting for the day to expose any affair you may have. Then you will be left with nothing.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> No way!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahh so we get to the root of the issue. You want to spite your wife for not "putting out," but you are scared to see if she ISN'T sexually attracted to you.

Yes, I read both threads.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Ahh so we get to the root of the issue. You want to spite your wife for not "putting out," but you are scared to see if she ISN'T sexually attracted to you.
> 
> Yes, I read both threads.


Of course she isn't attracted to me mentally. I am however very physically attractive. No brag - just fact!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I'm not leaving my children!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your children are going to hate/resent you if you cheat and get caught!! They will understand (once older) if you leave your wife because she's psycho!!! 

This is getting messy and it hasn't even started!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Jamison said:


> If shes not giving you sex, then my guess is she may already think you are getting it elsewhere or that it will be a matter of time before you do. Shes probably laying low getting her ducks in a row waiting for the day to expose any affair you may have. Then you will be left with nothing.



He thinks he's one of the exceptions that won't get caught, cause he's so smart....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> He thinks he's one of the exceptions that won't get caught, cause he's so smart....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They always get caught, if not in the act then the pure guilt, anxiety and stress will be a sure fire way to ensure you do!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm curious. Why are you posting about this? And on a marriage site?


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

diwali123 said:


> In just curious. Why are you posting about this? And on a marriage site?


Who me or the OP?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

OP


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I'm curious. Why are you posting about this? And on a marriage site?


I am posting here to get you wonderful opinions on how to figure out a way out of my dilemma of being either sexually frutrated or flat broke unable to care for my family. Some people made good suggestions while others just said ohh do this don't do that but offering no solutions. Anyway I do appreciate all your comments. Thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Your children are going to hate/resent you if you cheat and get caught!! They will understand (once older) if you leave your wife because she's psycho!!!
> 
> This is getting messy and it hasn't even started!


I'm not leaving my children.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I am posting here to get you wonderful opinions on how to figure out a way out of my dilemma of being either sexually frutrated or flat broke unable to care for my family. Some people made good suggestions while others just said ohh do this don't do that but offering no solutions. Anyway I do appreciate all your comments. Thanks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i'd like to know how you would be flat broke if you left your wife? 

Tell her you need a break and you're leaving and taking the kids with you!!!, not sure where you live but in Canada couples can separate without getting a divorce and live like that for years and years. A divorce is only necessary if you want to marry again!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I am posting here to get you wonderful opinions on how to figure out a way out of my dilemma of being either sexually frutrated or flat broke unable to care for my family. Some people made good suggestions while others just said ohh do this don't do that but offering no solutions. Anyway I do appreciate all your comments. Thanks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Either way you are going to end up divorced. An affair is a temporary solution and just makes the D worse. 
We aren't going to help you hide it but most long timers here know in the end there is no way to hide it from a determined spouse. 

If you really want advice I would read "married man sex life", to learn how to be truly alpha and get your wife to be attracted to you.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> i'd like to know how you would be flat broke if you left your wife?
> 
> Tell her you need a break and you're leaving and taking the kids with you!!!, not sure where you live but in Canada couples can separate without getting a divorce and live like that for years and years. A divorce is only necessary if you want to marry again!


I have nowhere else to go. I have a house that I need to stay in and a job here. Where are you suggesting I go?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Cappadonna said:


> Of course she isn't attracted to me mentally. I am however very physically attractive. No brag - just fact!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes it is what is on the "inside" of a person that makes them most attractive. Perhaps you need to spend more time in IC and really work on that aspect of yourself. The person you are evolving into will not be "attractive" to a lot of good women. A cheating man/woman can not be trusted by anyone and that closes many doors. Be careful which path you choose.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I have nowhere else to go. I have a house that I need to stay in and a job here. Where are you suggesting I go?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, stay with a friend, co-worker, hotel...Even if its for a few days, it will give her a wake up call! 

Why do you NEED to stay in your house? It seems to me you are making up excuses to not leave. Like someone said earlier you can't have your cake and eat it too. 

You are in a verbal and emotional abusive relationship which may be even worse than physical abuse. No one deserves that and what values are you teaching your kids by staying at home, that its OK for someone to walk all over you and to abuse you? GET OUT NOW before it gets any worse? Your kids will appreciate it one day!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

827Aug said:


> Sometimes it is what is on the "inside" of a person that makes them most attractive. Perhaps you need to spend more time in IC and really work on that aspect of yourself. The person you are evolving into will not be "attractive" to a lot of good women. A cheating man/woman can not be trusted by anyone and that closes many doors. Be careful which path you choose.


IC made things worse. My wife demanded to know what I discussed, accused me of lying to my therapist, texted my therapist constantly complaining that I was lying to her etc... Huge disaster that created about 100 other sub-arguments on top of our other problems. The therapist got fed up with my wifes antics and told us to divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Well, stay with a friend, co-worker, hotel...Even if its for a few days, it will give her a wake up call!
> 
> Why do you NEED to stay in your house? It seems to me you are making up excuses to not leave. Like someone said earlier you can't have your cake and eat it too.
> 
> You are in a verbal and emotional abusive relationship which may be even worse than physical abuse. No one deserves that and what values are you teaching your kids by staying at home, that its OK for someone to walk all over you and to abuse you? GET OUT NOW before it gets any worse? Your kids will appreciate it one day!


I did that in October and November. She was convinced i was hiding out plotting to murder her. She went as far as accusing me of hiring Mexicans disguised as the neighbors landscapers to kill her. She went nuts called all my friends and family etc.. Things go rely bad when I leave for a couple days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> IC made things worse. My wife demanded to know what I discussed, accused me of lying to my therapist, texted my therapist constantly complaining that I was lying to her etc... Huge disaster that created about 100 other sub-arguments on top of our other problems. The therapist got fed up with my wifes antics and told us to divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Verbal and emotional abuse the therapist was smelling it a mile away and she/he was 100% right on, get out now for your sake and for your kids. If you love and want to be with your kids you will do what is right for YOU. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of children. 

There must be group homes etc for people who are in abusive relationships.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I did that in October and November. She was convinced i was hiding out plotting to murder her. She went as far as accusing me of hiring Mexicans disguised as the neighbors landscapers to kill her. She went nuts called all my friends and family etc.. Things go rely bad when I leave for a couple days.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG and you want to stay with this psycho? Pack up you and the kids or tell HER to leave.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Things must not be that bad. If they were and she's as abusive as he claims, then he would tell a lawyer prove his case in
Court that she's bat crap crazy and possibly he could get the kids, so he wouldn't have to leave them. This is about wanting side p*ss! 
And the validation to do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Well, stay with a friend, co-worker, hotel...Even if its for a few days, it will give her a wake up call!
> 
> Why do you NEED to stay in your house? It seems to me you are making up excuses to not leave. Like someone said earlier you can't have your cake and eat it too.
> 
> You are in a verbal and emotional abusive relationship which may be even worse than physical abuse. No one deserves that and what values are you teaching your kids by staying at home, that its OK for someone to walk all over you and to abuse you? GET OUT NOW before it gets any worse? Your kids will appreciate it one day!


My wife doesn't argue with me or abuse me if I simply stop enaging and just hangout. The issue is I f I ask her why she has low sex drive then she gets all pissed off and tells me theres nothing wrong with her I'm just a jerk etc..... I'm almost positive her sexual issues are that she is selfconscuous about her weight gain and has self-esteem issues amd rather than adress that she blames me being a jerk. I'm sure its not an alpha thing as she's completely delusional i don't think notmal logic applies here. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Verbal and emotional abuse the therapist was smelling it a mile away and she/he was 100% right on, get out now for your sake and for your kids. If you love and want to be with your kids you will do what is right for YOU. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of children.
> 
> There must be group homes etc for people who are in abusive relationships.


I'm not leaving my kids
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Cappadonna said:


> My wife doesn't argue with me or abuse me if I simply stop enaging and just hangout. The issue is I f I ask her why she has low sex drive then she gets all pissed off and tells me theres nothing wrong with her I'm just a jerk etc..... I'm almost positive her sexual issues are that she is selfconscuous about her weight gain and has self-esteem issues amd rather than adress that she blames me being a jerk. I'm sure its not an alpha thing as she's completely delusional i don't think notmal logic applies here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound just like my ex cheating spouse. He was perfect too and everything was my fault. You may want to look in the mirror and see what role you are playing in the disfunction.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

827Aug said:


> You sound just like my ex cheating spouse. He was perfect too and everything was my fault. You may want to look in the mirror and see what role you are playing in the disfunction.


Of course I'm not perfect. I went to IC and MC and tried to discuss things rationally. My attempts to discuss things always pissed her off and led to name-call, insult and totally lise focus on the original argument. I have kids and I'm not leaving my kids. I'm gonna 180 and cheat at the same time. I'll be cordial and friendly etc... If she gets her act together I'll consider giving up my other activities. I feel totally justified in my decision as the only suggestions I got on this forum involve things I already tried and failed or complete financial ruin. "man up" yeah easy to say when u r not faced with financial ruin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Who knows maybe she's cheating too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This can't end well.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Cappadonna said:


> Of course I'm not perfect. I went to IC and MC and tried to discuss things rationally. My attempts to discuss things always pissed her off and led to name-call, insult and totally lise focus on the original argument. I have kids and I'm not leaving my kids. I'm gonna 180 and cheat at the same time. I'll be cordial and friendly etc... If she gets her act together I'll consider giving up my other activities. I feel totally justified in my decision as the only suggestions I got on this forum involve things I already tried and failed or complete financial ruin. "man up" yeah easy to say when u r not faced with financial ruin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know all about financial ruin. My cheating spouse decided to spread the wealth with his concubines. My children and I now have nothing.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I'm very sorry if I am causing pain for anyone. I really see my situation as unique as my spouse has closed off the D option and also tefuses sex and subjects me to verbal abuse. Do I really have another option?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I cannot wait to hear about the lonely walrus of a woman you finally manage to attract and cheat with.

U go boy!

:rofl:


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> It would be extremely difficult for her to get comfortable with another guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you're misunderestimating your wife. There are a lot of guys who know how to deal with insecure women and can help her, and you, get beyond this. A lot of times husbands lack the knowledge, skill, and patients. You said yourself that she was a 26 year old virgin and has only been with you. If you haven't developed the skill to know how to "handle" a woman who is already insecure with her body, she can turn off to sex. 
Perhaps you should find a gentleman that has this skill set and can work with her so you can get beyond this. Think about your future years with her as a woman who desires sex.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I did that in October and November. She was convinced i was hiding out plotting to murder her. She went as far as accusing me of hiring Mexicans disguised as the neighbors landscapers to kill her. She went nuts called all my friends and family etc.. Things go rely bad when I leave for a couple days.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


... and so why do you think the judge would give your kids to your wife?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Mexicans?

:rofl:


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> Of course she isn't attracted to me mentally. I am however very physically attractive. No brag - just fact!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My point went so far over your head it is in orbit.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Staying in faithful in marriage means humiliating masturbation and living with abusive comments.
> 
> Cheating without getting caught will give me sexual satisfaction, improved self esteem and well I suppose I need to just compartmentalize a bit.


So when you magically transform from humiliated masturbator to someone with self-esteem (a self-esteem built entirely on having sex with a woman of questionable quality), no one will notice the change?


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> As I've stated before please read I have two sons 8 and 11 and three dogs who depend on me. D means my kids can't go to college and jeopardizing my canine family members. She will not get a jib or make divorce easy and threatens to tell the judge I am abusive and refuse custody. I will try to get my "ducks lined up" but I'm not waiting 5 years to have sex. And we can't afford a lawyer . Thats just even less collwge savings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So your wife apparently has you by the balls... Do you really think it's a good idea to give her a reason to yank them off?

Enjoy your Darwin Award.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

First I have to say I really feel for you... I could not/would not stay in a sexless/loveless marriage. It must be soul destroying. I'm sorry that this has been your marriage existence... marriage shouldn't ever be like this.

I believe one of reasons your wife acts the way she does...is because she can. The only consequence she has felt for withholding sex and being unloving and unkind has been your bending over backwards.....just a little more.

She is clearly the boss of everything in your marriage. She decides when and if there will be sex, if there will be a divorce, where you will sleep at night? Why is that ok with you?

If D is out of the question at least move out of the bedroom. Pull up your big boy pants and just do it...don't ask permission. 
You're just room mates anyway. 

It will have a BIG impact I reckon. It's a hugely symbolic act as well as a good practical one...can't be pleasant sleeping inches away from someone who acts repulsed by your touch. Let her know you won't bother her for sex anymore... (begging or even asking for sex with someone who doesn't want/lust/desire you HAS to be more humiliating than having a w*nk...surely)

That should equal the power balance somewhat... if you don't want what she has to offer...her value and place of power in the marriage decreases immensely. 

If she goes mad and starts ranting just walk away. Don't engage a raging mad person...it makes no sense. You need to be calm and unemotional. Let her know your open to discussion if she can be calm and pleasant, because discussion should be the goal here. 

Only YOU can allow her to abuse YOU.

And why the eff doesn't she work? Your kids are way too old to need a SAHM.... surely her getting a job needs to be part of your 3-5 year plan.

I'm not addressing the cheating part... because cheating on your FAMILY is just a scummy act. No-one like a cheater...not even the cheater himself usually.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

waiwera said:


> First I have to say I really feel for you... I could not/would not stay in a sexless/loveless marriage. It must be soul destroying. I'm sorry that this has been your marriage existence... marriage shouldn't ever be like this.
> 
> I believe one of reasons your wife acts the way she does...is because she can. The only consequence she has felt for withholding sex and being unloving and unkind has been your bending over backwards.....just a little more.
> 
> ...


Thank you!! You are the first person that actually "got" what I was trying to explain! Thanks I will re-read and think a lot about what you said. Oh and BTW my pitbull sleeps between us lololol!! Thanks again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Of course she isn't attracted to me mentally. I am however very physically attractive. No brag - just fact!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then you will find it very easy to cheat in Lakeview.

If instead you are trying to cheat with a woman (for free), you have to figure out how to come off very differently in person than you do on this thread.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Labcoat said:


> Then you will find it very easy to cheat in Lakeview.
> 
> If instead you are trying to cheat with a woman (for free), you have to figure out how to come off very differently in person than you do on this thread.


Sorry that was kind of a joke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I think you're misunderestimating your wife. There are a lot of guys who know how to deal with insecure women and can help her, and you, get beyond this. A lot of times husbands lack the knowledge, skill, and patients. You said yourself that she was a 26 year old virgin and has only been with you. If you haven't developed the skill to know how to "handle" a woman who is already insecure with her body, she can turn off to sex.
> Perhaps you should find a gentleman that has this skill set and can work with her so you can get beyond this. Think about your future years with her as a woman who desires sex.


Agreed 100% you and your wife need to see a *sex* therapist that specializes in helping couples with desire, pleasure, romance, orgasms, everything really. The therapist will help your wife feel sexy and will help you to please your wife.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Cap I have to ask you this. Of course its up to you whether you answer or not, but if you do, bear in mind I teach law (albeit I never practiced family law). Why do you think a divorce will result in financial ruin?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Uh there are other boards that cater to cheaters.

Just sayin.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

justdance4me said:


> Agreed 100% you and your wife need to see a *sex* therapist that specializes in helping couples with desire, pleasure, romance, orgasms, everything really. The therapist will help your wife feel sexy and will help you to please your wife.


Exactly. It won't get better without help.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Sorry that was kind of a joke.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


THAT was the joke?

I thought this whole thread was the joke. Hence the yuk yuks.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Cap I have to ask you this. Of course its up to you whether you answer or not, but if you do, bear in mind I teach law (albeit I never practiced family law). Why do you think a divorce will result in financial ruin?


My wife does not have a job. If I leave the house I will need to have about $2000 per month extra minimum. The math works out to about $300-$500 leftover per month.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Just as an FYI...

I did what you're considering. Cheated on my wife. I justified it at the time as trying to hold the marriage together till the kids were done school and out of the house. But it was purely selfish on my part.

I was very fortunate that I never got caught. But I only lasted about 3 weeks before I realized that a) an affair was a poor substitute for a truly intimate relationship, and b) it was only a matter of time before I got caught. As it was, I think she suspected, but never questioned me to find out for sure.

An affair might help you get your rocks off. But in the end, it will likely be very unsatisfying, because you'll still be coming home to the psycho wife every night. The affair doesn't fix that. And in fact, it will likely cause the chasm between you two to continue to grow.

And if your wife is the way you say she is, she WILL find out. And she will likely make your life even more of a living hell than you think it is now. The kids will end up being dragged through a miserable divorce experience. Any money you thought you were saving for their education will be eaten up by lawyer fees. And at the end of the day, you will have lost your moral high-ground, and will still end up in a one-bedroom apartment without your kids or dogs.

C


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Agreed 100% you and your wife need to see a *sex* therapist that specializes in helping couples with desire, pleasure, romance, orgasms, everything really. The therapist will help your wife feel sexy and will help you to please your wife.


Ok good idea however my wife totally flipped when I suggested that. She said "how dare I suggest there was something wrong" with her. She wont have sex wirh me because she thinks I'm a jerk but I'm atrractive, affectionate, loving, hardworking etc.... WTF! what is she looking for? I'm trying everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Ok just a few points.

You can't divorce because your dog's depend on you? Lol That has to be a first. I'm an animal love but c'mon friend.

You are concerned about your children but you are going to commit infidelity? I want you to think about that for a minute. When you cheat you cheat on them too.

Your wife had closed off divorce? Friend, you have a lot more problems than sex if you let another control you to that extent. And make no mistake. You are ALLOWING her to control you.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

bfree said:


> Ok just a few points.
> 
> You can't divorce because your dog's depend on you? Lol That has to be a first. I'm an animal love but c'mon friend.
> 
> ...


I don't allow her to control me. The law allows her to control me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Considering you're the only one working, if you get the right attorney, you can sue for full custody, hence no child support.
Your wife would then need to get a job to pay for her expenses, because you can also petition the court to not have to pay her any spousal support since she is fully capable of supporting her own household.
You keep the dogs, the house & the kids, she moves out to her own misery & you're finally free.

Don't have an affair, sure your wife sounds worth divorcing, but you still took your own vows, don't be THAT guy. 
Besides, what if you meet a woman & fall in love with her, how is it fair to her that you're still married?
Then your current wife finds out & won't divorce you just to spite you, talk about a screwed up situation.
And yet it happens all the time.
Do the right thing, lawyer up with someone who specializes in fighting for father's rights & get a divorce.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> Considering you're the only one working, if you get the right attorney, you can sue for full custody, hence no child support.
> Your wife would then need to get a job to pay for her expenses, because you can also petition the court to not have to pay her any spousal support since she is fully capable of supporting her own household.
> You keep the dogs, the house & the kids, she moves out to her own misery & you're finally free.
> 
> ...


Agreed!!!! I cannot stress this enough Cap, lawyer up with someone who specializes in father's rights there are a multitude out there. You won't have to live with a women who treats you like a jerk.

It will be better off for you, your kids, your sanity! You keep having excuse after excuse of not to lawyer up, to me it demonstrate you have not done any research whatsoever on the subject. Knowledge is power my friend!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Agreed!!!! I cannot stress this enough Cap, lawyer up with someone who specializes in father's rights there are a multitude out there. You won't have to live with a women who treats you like a jerk.
> 
> It will be better off for you, your kids, your sanity! You keep having excuse after excuse of not to lawyer up, to me it demonstrate you have not done any research whatsoever on the subject. Knowledge is power my friend!


Do you know any free lawyers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

What state are you a resident? It sounds like you believe in a divorce you would have to keep her in a style which she is accustom. How many kids and what age? Do you own your own home? What would you do if she divorced you? I think you could get out with at worst, temporary alimony which is tax deductible and child support where you could claim the kids. 
(this is my opinion based on the information as I understand it. Accordingly it is not legal advice and should not be construed as as such. Consult an attorney if you need legal advice regarding your particular situation)


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

IMO, OP is not looking for solutions, just someone to agree with him.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> What state are you a resident? It sounds like you believe in a divorce you would have to keep her in a style which she is accustom. How many kids and what age? Do you own your own home? What would you do if she divorced you? I think you could get out with at worst, temporary alimony which is tax deductible and child support where you could claim the kids.
> (this is my opinion based on the information as I understand it. Accordingly it is not legal advice and should not be construed as as such. Consult an attorney if you need legal advice regarding your particular situation)


Two boys 8, and 11. Owe $40k on $400k house but we have three dogs as well and really neec a decent house for them. Wife has no job or real earning potential. The math is simple. Me moving out will cost an extra $2500 per month minimum. Cheapest decent apartment is $1800per month. $1400 for a really bad studio. All other options are in drug infested high crime meighborhoods. I have no family here. I live in my wife's territory.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> IMO, OP is not looking for solutions, just someone to agree with him.


QFT


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> QFT


MCF!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I read this thread and the other one! I see a lot of fear and co dependency! I don't know to many men, or people
For that matter,that if their spouse was as psycho as you make your wife out to be, who would stay in this mess! 
When people really want out, they would find a way. I think you want the comfort of your lifestyle at home, with some
Strange on the side. I doubt it will work that way for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Do you know any free lawyers?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry to be blunt but you are so full of excuses it's sad. And you know what they say about excuses. They're like azzholes, everyone has one and they always stink. Why don't you use your head and stop talking out of your excuse. Sure, you're dealing with a lousy situation. You have a pile of fuel soaked rags that need cleaning up. And what's your solution? To apply a match?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> Two boys 8, and 11. Owe $40k on $400k house but we have three dogs as well and really neec a decent house for them. Wife has no job or real earning potential. The math is simple. Me moving out will cost an extra $2500 per month minimum. Cheapest decent apartment is $1800per month. $1400 for a really bad studio. All other options are in drug infested high crime meighborhoods. I have no family here. I live in my wife's territory.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your financial situation isn't any worse than most people that go through a divorce. Are you upside down on the house by $40K or you have $360K in equity in your house. There are ways to get out of the house if you are upside down ... and if you have the latter situation, you have no worries. Your kids are 8 and 11, what are you worried about? You seem more worried about giving them a full ride to college than the state of their mental health. They can go to college even if they have to pay for some of it on their own. If your wife is as batsh!t crazy as you say then you have a shot at full custody. You seem more worried about living in your current standard of living than their mental health. It's just crap, get over it. In most places you can rent a house as cheaply as a nice apartment and yes, you can find a house to rent that allows dogs. So you have to adjust to a lower standard of living than what you are used to. Your kids will adjust too. File for divorce. You don't have to move out right away and absorb that expense. Work out the details later. 


Take a few steps back so that you can start moving forward.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Let me ask a silly question.

YOU are getting none right?

Are you sure she is getting none?

LOL wouldnt that be irony?


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Originally Posted *by Cappadonna *
> Two boys 8, and 11. Owe $40k on $400k house but we have three dogs as well and really neec a decent house for them. Wife has no job or real earning potential. The math is simple. Me moving out will cost an extra $2500 per month minimum. Cheapest decent apartment is $1800per month. $1400 for a really bad studio. All other options are in drug infested high crime meighborhoods. I have no family here. I live in my wife's territory.



So far I se you only have four choices

1	Help your wife get better about sex
2	Masturbate for the rest of your life
3	Cheat and stayed married
4	Divorce


I for one pity you because you have 4 bad choices. My pity will not get you a cup of coffee so here is what I think:

From your posts you are convinced that your wife is not going to get better about the sex.

I do not know any man that is going to masturbate for 20-30 years without eventually cheating.

Cheating and staying married/open marriage could be an option except that your children will eventually find out and you will have your relationship with your children damaged.

Divorce is probably the lest worst option. Yes you will take a financial hit. Yes your lifestyle will be lowered but you can make it. *Many of men have made it on less than you make*. In addition, if you divorce now you can rebuild for your retirement for the next 10-20 years. If you wait too many years you will not be able to rebuild your retirement. That could be a HUGE consideration.

One last thought.
You could just up and leave your spouse for a few weeks or months. No talks just leave. *Leave a note for your wife that you may consider coming back after she has worked with a sex therapist for a month or two*. I do not want to hear your lame excuse about “I will not leave my children”. I am not suggesting you *leave tour children forever just for a short time to see if your wife will be jolted out of her weakness and selfishness*. Besides all the other options that you have involve ‘…leaving your children” so you are going to leave your children in some way no matter what you do unless your wife gets help. You can cheat and stay married but your children will find out and they will leave you to some degree emotionally.

*If you have a better plan then let us here it!.*


Blunt


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

@ Mr Blunt great post and great advice, I couldn't agree more about leaving for a short period of time. A person needs to help his or her self before they can care for children - emotionally and physically! 

@ Cap, if you continue doing what you are doing you WILL ruin your childrens lives and they will leave you. No one wants a dead beat dad.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Thanks for all the opinions. I'm off to meet a lady for an exercise session. We are goin to meet at a park and workout a bit with kettlebells and do some cardio etc... Maybe grab a coffee after. She suggested we do something else but i insisted we just meet and do something normal like exercise together. Its not officially cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

My divorce cost me everything of material value.
However, it was worth it because I no longer have my cheating ex wife.
Her? She no longer has ANYTHING.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Since you are gonna probably cheat regardless of what people have said, after you have a few times
Come back and let us know how it was. I bet it will be all rainbows and unicorns!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

trey69 said:


> Since you are gonna probably cheat regardless of what people have said, after you have a few times
> Come back and let us know how it was. I bet it will be all rainbows and unicorns!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did have a nice workout this morning with a wonderful lady friend. It was fun. I find her absolutely adorable and she's in a similar situation. We had a nice workout and some laughs. Not sure if I'm ready to take it any further. But it was nice to spend time with a beautiful woman who actually treated me nice and complimented me. At least I have a fun workout partner. If it goes any further I will not continue to post as it would probably be in poor taste considering the audeiance and their feelings. Again thank you all for your comments and taking time to read my drama.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I did have a nice workout this morning with a wonderful lady friend. It was fun. I find her absolutely adorable and she's in a similar situation. We had a nice workout and some laughs. Not sure if I'm ready to take it any further. But it was nice to spend time with a beautiful woman who actually treated me nice and complimented me. At least I have a fun workout partner. If it goes any further I will not continue to post as it would probably be in poor taste considering the audeiance and their feelings. Again thank you all for your comments and taking time to read my drama.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your experience with your workout partner suggests to me all the more reason to leave your current situation if you are not happy. Please in situations like this you have to put yourself first because no good can come of it when you don't - your kids will suffer especially. 

Nothing wrong with being a little selfish and doing what is best for you!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Your experience with your workout partner suggests to me all the more reason to leave your current situation if you are not happy. Please in situations like this you have to put yourself first because no good can come of it when you don't - your kids will suffer especially.
> 
> Nothing wrong with being a little selfish and doing what is best for you!


One thing I realized is I'm less interested in the sexual thing and i feel so much better just having a friendly workout and fun conversation. I think i actually had more emotiinal needs than sexual needs. Either way i think i'm gonna proceed with caution and take time with my decision. I'm gonna attempt some discussions with my wife to try to make her realize how i feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude seriously.

If you arent getting any...

It is unusual for her to be getting none.

Do your due diligance.

Btw. You sound like you are fairly high income...

Sometimes guys like you get your choice of several locations as in states...

Now in some states, yes not many, zero sex is marital abandonment, and it will affect alimony. You sound like a fairly smart guy, do a little research... Your escape may be far easier and far closer than you ever dreamed, perhaps taking a year but not selling your soul. Turning your loss from crushing to annoying and bad, but takable.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

So you're going to cheat....okay...

I'm going to go make myself a sandwich.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Ha! Here it is 11-12 pages later with all the suggestions, and he was gonna cheat anyway!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> Ha! Here it is 11-12 pages later with all the suggestions, and he was gonna cheat anyway!


I didn't cheat. Exercise is not cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Read Not Just Friends and see if you feel the same way.

Does your wife know about this friend and your exercise with her?


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Read Not Just Friends and see if you feel the same way.
> 
> Does your wife know about this friend and your exercise with her?


My wife doesn't know about my workout partner. She would certainly be jealous. My "friend" is absolutely gorgeous, adorable, funny, and she thinks my wife is crazy for not wanting to have sex with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> My wife doesn't know about my workout partner. She would certainly be jealous. My "friend" is absolutely gorgeous, adorable, funny, and she thinks my wife is crazy for not wanting to have sex with me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Secrecy plus discussing sex is already an emotional affair.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Cap,

Quit playing the games, get the biggest ahole attorney in town, file and call her bluff.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

RClawson said:


> Cap,
> 
> Quit playing the games, get the biggest ahole attorney in town, file and call her bluff.


Thanks but I just had a "talk" with her. I basically told her that I am not willing to live in a sexless marriage. She got exremely offended because I asked her "since u r not having sex with me, are you masturbating or do you just have a low drive". She went nuts!! She considers asking her if she masturbates is a form of sexual assault and threatened to have me arrested and thrown out of my house.

In the meantime I am reading texts from my friend that she just can't stop thinking about me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> In the meantime I am reading texts from my friend that she just can't stop thinking about me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Didn't just you told you were going to refrain of posting given "the audience"?

Do you want to cheat, go ahead. Just stop flaunting it here.

GRRRR


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> Thanks but I just had a "talk" with her. I basically told her that I am not willing to live in a sexless marriage. She got exremely offended because I asked her "since u r not having sex with me, are you masturbating or do you just have a low drive". She went nuts!! *She considers asking her if she masturbates is a form of sexual assault and threatened to have me arrested and thrown out of my house.*
> 
> In the meantime I am reading texts from my friend that she just can't stop thinking about me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What cop is going to arrest you for having a conversation with your wife? And, so what if the cops come, they can see first hand how mental she is and take her away to a treatment facility...

The way you are describing your wife suggests to me she's psychotic and needs help! Unless you are exaggerating how mental she is. 

The above scenario, you handled the wrong way. Your situation is nothing to joke about. You should have sat her down and asked her why she is no longer interested in sex, hear her side of the story and then say if she isn't willing to work on it, I have no choice but to leave.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

We had a thread like this last year. The guy was upset, girl wasn't putting out and she was a dirty dog LD woman. Then, as the thread continued, we find out he had a friend, was emotionally distant and he actually crossed a line with the "friend." When she left, because he "sort of" cheated, he was upset and was trying to win her back.

This is one of those rare threads where I'd love if the wife found the thread. I'd like to hear her version.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> I didn't cheat. Exercise is not cheating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't say you WERE cheating right now this very minute. I'm saying that going back over this thread, regardless of what people have told you or suggested you're going to anyway. You seem adamant about it. And meeting up privately with a "exercise" buddy without your wife knowing is deceitful anyway, so yeah you're on your way.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Cappadonna said:


> If it goes any further I will not continue to post as it would probably be in poor taste considering the audeiance and their feelings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And it wasn't in poor taste to talk about how you were going to cheat anyway to begin with, when there are people here who are hurting from people like you who do cheat? Gotcha!


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

trey69 said:


> And it wasn't in poor taste to talk about how you were going to cheat anyway to begin with, when there are people here who are hurting from people like you who do cheat? Gotcha!


I was just thinking some people deserve to be cheated on. But anyway thanks to the nice people on this forum, I may just keep my friendship just that and continue to exercise thats all. I really needed to hear some opinions and its helping me decide what to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I was just thinking some people deserve to be cheated on. But anyway thanks to the nice people on this forum, I may just keep my friendship just that and continue to exercise thats all. I really needed to hear some opinions and its helping me decide what to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No one DESERVES to be cheated on. What a sh1tty thing to throw out there.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> I was just thinking some people deserve to be cheated on. But anyway thanks to the nice people on this forum, I may just keep my friendship just that and continue to exercise thats all. I really needed to hear some opinions and its helping me decide what to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some people deserve to have their kids hate them and get beat up by the OWH, have all their stuff taken away and he publicly humiliated. 

You keep saying that your you think your wife is ashamed of how she looks. Over and over. You seem extremely full of yourself and like she should be lucky to be with you. Did you ever think your attitude changed when you got in shape and she doesn't like your ego and self absorption? 
And trust me as a large woman there are PLENTY of hot men who can show your wife a great time and appreciate her for who she is.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Some people deserve to have their kids hate them and get beat up by the OWH, have all their stuff taken away and he publicly humiliated.
> 
> You keep saying that your you think your wife is ashamed of how she looks. Over and over. You seem extremely full of yourself and like she should be lucky to be with you. Did you ever think your attitude changed when you got in shape and she doesn't like your ego and self absorption?
> And trust me as a large woman there are PLENTY of hot men who can show your wife a great time and appreciate her for who she is.


I still find my wife attractive. I just can't figure her out. I mean if I had a beautiful wife who wanted to have sex all the time I would give it to her. I can't figure her out. When we do have sex it is very awesome. We just dont do it much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You sound like you think being verbally abusive is alpha. Because of she truly is as crazy as you say you would be gone by now.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

diwali, I think he is scared of his wife. If she's as psycho as he says he would have already been gone! 
Perhaps he is scared if HE leaves she will come after him, and I don't mean financially! If she's really psycho
Imagine what she might do if she ever found out if he cheated!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> You sound like you think being verbally abusive is alpha. Because of she truly is as crazy as you say you would be gone by now.


I'm not verbally abusive. I tell her she is beautiful all the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Ok cappa if you really want honest help then tell us exactly what happened one of the times she called the police. In detail.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> I was just thinking some people deserve to be cheated on.


 Sure, if you think your own personal morals suck. You haven't yet, so you have morals that suggest it is wrong. So, if you really felt this way, your thread would be titled "I Cheated on my abusive wife."

We both know you don't remotely feel this way. You are the classic example of why sometimes same sex friends can't exist. You've suffered this long and if it wasn't available I doubt you'd be looking at this option.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Ok cappa if you really want honest help then tell us exactly what happened one of the times she called the police. In detail.


I came home from martial arts training las summer at 10pm. There was a baseball game on and it was a good close game. She was watching some ridiculous reality TV show. I grabbed a beer wand watched like 5 minutes of the show and up and said i had enough of this crap I'm putting the game on. I walked towards the TV. She got up and said I was trying to ruin her quiet evening alone and he proceeeded to say i was drunk (on 1 beer) then she hit me on the head with the TV remote. She then stormed out of the house drive away in her car and texted me saying she fears for her life and that I better leave before the cops show up. I then called the cops to tell them not to rush because there is nothing going on and wverything is under control in case they had a real emergency to attend to.. They said she never called but now that I called they had to come over to check is out. She came home as I was waiting for the police outside. She went to bed and when the police showed up I told them everything except the smashed remote on my head because i didnt want them to arrest her. I assured them that i would wait till she was sound asleep them go in and sleep on the sofa and if she acted up again, i would just get a hotel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Everybody knows that cheating is ultimately bad for everyone. Telling this man how much of a cheater he is not going to do a lot of good. This man is not going to stay in his marriage under the current circumstances and none of you would either. *How about some potential solutions?*

From the posts that the OP has made it seems clear to me that he has a woman that is in desperate ended of professional help for sex and other things. *None of you would stand for the way this wife is treating him if it were you*.

This woman has got to change or it is all over! Let me review a few posts below:




> *by Cappadonna*
> Staying in faithful in marriage means humiliating masturbation and living with abusive comments
> 
> She threatens to have me arrested if I so much as raise my voice to her
> ...


Posters, when your spouse totally rejects you, puts you down, and abuses you sexually, and treats you wanting sex like you have an infection, don’t think that your moralizing is going to stop the inevitable.




Cappadonna


You are severely wounded and you desperately need to try to save your marriage. I gave you a plan that could jolt your wife out of her defensive cocoon. I am going to repeat my advice and add a little in italics

You could just up and leave your spouse for a few weeks or months. No talks just leave. *Leave a note for your wife that you may consider coming back after she has worked with a sex therapist (and a professional that can deal with her other issues) for a month or two.*

Cappadonna you are good man that is desperate. I know you are a good man because of what you posted below



> I still find my wife attractive. I just can't figure her out. I mean if I had a beautiful wife who wanted to have sex all the time I would give it to her. I can't figure her out. When we do have sex it is very awesome. We just dont do it much.


That takes a LOT of man to say that. Many would have bailed already.




Capadonna
Please consider taking the drastic action that I have proposed above. *I know it is hard but there is a chance that your marriage can be repaired so that you do not cheat, divorce, or do some other undesirable thing.*

Give it all you got, 100%, and if she will not change then Divorce and find another woman.



Blunt


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

She sounds like a lunatic. But at the same time, if she was watching a show, why would you have the right to just decide her show is stupid and change the channel? 
That's not alpha, that's rude. 
Her reaction sounds like she is either creating drama and over exaggerating everything to throw you off and create chaos, or she is truly mentally ill.
If she is truly delusional, then counseling alone is not going to help her.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Everybody knows that cheating is ultimately bad for everyone. Telling this man how much of a cheater he is not going to do a lot of good. This man is not going to stay in his marriage under the current circumstances and none of you would either. *How about some potential solutions?*
> 
> From the posts that the OP has made it seems clear to me that he has a woman that is in desperate ended of professional help for sex and other things. *None of you would stand for the way this wife is treating him if it were you*.
> 
> ...


Blunt. Thanks! Best advice so far. And thanks for taking the time to read, think, and make a great suggestion. I think I will stop posting for a while and maybe give some updates after a couple days. Thanks everyone for advice and sorry if i offended anyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

They both need help. Her, if shes in fact as crazy as he claims and him for staying. If shes crazy like he says, then he must be staying out of fear for what she may do if he were to leave. If its fear say its fear, not because of the kids. If shes really crazy and has done the things you say, then you need to prove that in a court of law, then guess what? You will probably get your kids and other things you want as well, but I have a feeling though that thought wont be tried. 

Also, if shes abusive like hitting you with the remote, or even verbally/mentally, seek help at a domestic violence shelter. They take men in to, not just women.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude have you at least talkedto a lawyer. To get a heads up?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

So you called the police and told them to take their time responding to your wife's threatened 911 call? :slap:


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

bfree said:


> So you called the police and told them to take their time responding to your wife's threatened 911 call? :slap:


She left the house then lied to me that the police were on the way after she assaulted me with a TV remote. I would have felt bad if the police came to my house and failed to respond to a more urgent call so I let them know everything was cool at my house. They were like "thanks brother! but she never called"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

bfree said:


> So you called the police and told them to take their time responding to your wife's threatened 911 call? :slap:


I had a WTF moment too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> I'm very sorry if I am causing pain for anyone. I really see my situation as unique as my spouse has closed off the D option and also tefuses sex and subjects me to verbal abuse. Do I really have another option?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She closed off the D option? Really? On your other thread I read that she threatened to destroy you financially. And you buckled.


Sounds like you don't want a divorce and want to pin her with that one.

Go see an attorney and find out your rights. Then set about getting yourself in a financial position where she cannot take you to the cleaners.

What state do you live in? This dictates a lot of what can and cannot be done.

Does she work outside the home? If not cut down the amount of your earnings that she can spend. then let her go get a job for the things she wants beyond the necessities.. food, house payment, utilities. After that she has to earn a living. That way she able to support herself in a divorce.

Keep in mind that if you cheat she will most likely find out. Then she will most likely file for divorce and try to take you to the cleaners.

So you better be prepared.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> She closed off the D option? Really? On your other thread I read that she threatened to destroy you financially. And you buckled.
> 
> 
> Sounds like you don't want a divorce and want to pin her with that one.
> ...


The lawyer laughed when he saw my salary and the fact that she doesn't work. He basically showed me the numbers = i can barely afford a basement apartment between a brothel and a meth lab. He said its either sleepless nights in the basement or just go back home and "play the game".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You have 360k in your house. You can't sell it and split the equity?


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cappadonna said:


> The lawyer laughed when he saw my salary and the fact that she doesn't work. He basically showed me the numbers = i can barely afford a basement apartment between a brothel and a meth lab. He said its either sleepless nights in the basement or just go back home and "play the game".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you heard of a 2nd opinion? I don't believe a lawyer would say that for one second. Where was that poster who said he taught law?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

So much of what you say just doesn't sound real.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Cappadonna said:


> The lawyer laughed when he saw my salary and the fact that she doesn't work. He basically showed me the numbers = i can barely afford a basement apartment between a brothel and a meth lab. He said its either sleepless nights in the basement or just go back home and "play the game".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've never heard a lawyer say anything like that. Maybe you should contact someone with a real law degree and not a sidewalk shyster?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Not to mention no lawyer is going to turn away business. Sounds shady.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> You have 360k in your house. You can't sell it and split the equity?


Why would we sell? We would just need to buy another house. She can't afford another house and neither could I if I need to support her in another house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You would each have 180k to live on. That will get you both nice rentals for a while. 
I think you are either a troll or just not telling the whole truth. So much of your story makes no sense.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Not to mention no lawyer is going to turn away business. Sounds shady.


Lawyer was very very cool and didn't want to see me get screwed. He wouldn't even take my money for the visit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> You would each have 180k to live on. That will get you both nice rentals for a while.
> I think you are either a troll or just not telling the whole truth. So much of your story makes no sense.


1) I'm not gonna piss away all the equity on my house on rentals.
2) My mortgage payments are $1200 which is less than the $4k to $5k per month combined rent for barely acceptable living arrangments. Cheapest decent place is $1800 per month for a 1 bedroom that doesn't allow dogs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Cap, I am sorry to say but you are messed up royally. I don't understand why you won't leave if you are unhappy, why you won't put yourself first. Your wife is no good for you or your kids. 

You said your wife physically hit you, hell man or woman if that happened to me I would be outta there in a heartbeat. I DO NOT deserve (NO ONE DOES) to be hit under any circumstance. And as I said before EMOTIONAL and VERBAL abuse is often worse. What the hell is that teaching your kids? You and your wife are setting a bad example for them by not doing anything to rectify your situation. 

Obviously you are not going to take any of my advice so I will quit with this thread. Good luck living in misery.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> 1) I'm not gonna piss away all the equity on my house on rentals.
> 2) My mortgage payments are $1200 which is less than the $4k to $5k per month combined rent for barely acceptable living arrangments. Cheapest decent place is $1800 per month for a 1 bedroom that doesn't allow dogs.


Do you live in California? This sounds about right for that area.

Do you have a basement? Make an apartment in the basement and start living there.

See more than one attorney. Find one who will work with and not just send you packing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cappadonna said:


> 1) I'm not gonna piss away all the equity on my house on rentals.
> 2) My mortgage payments are $1200 which is less than the $4k to $5k per month combined rent for barely acceptable living arrangments. Cheapest decent place is $1800 per month for a 1 bedroom that doesn't allow dogs.


Then I guess you better not cheat and need to find a way to make your marriage work.


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## Cappadonna (Nov 13, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Cap, I am sorry to say but you are messed up royally. I don't understand why you won't leave if you are unhappy, why you won't put yourself first. Your wife is no good for you or your kids.
> 
> You said your wife physically hit you, hell man or woman if that happened to me I would be outta there in a heartbeat. I DO NOT deserve (NO ONE DOES) to be hit under any circumstance. And as I said before EMOTIONAL and VERBAL abuse is often worse. What the hell is that teaching your kids? You and your wife are setting a bad example for them by not doing anything to rectify your situation.
> 
> Obviously you are not going to take any of my advice so I will quit with this thread. Good luck living in misery.


My kids don't see us fighting. I'm not living in misery I'm actually thrilled about my new "friend". Today for example I met my "friend" to work out, played with my kids on and off all day, had a brief argument with my wife, played with my kids some more, now I'm on my way to an animal rescue to care for the abandoned dogs for an hour or so then I'm going home to eat a nice dinner with my family and watch the ball game. Later tonight I'll respond to my "training partners" texts. She sent me a few very very nice pics. Mmm awesome pics! She's gorgeous and starting to really like me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

I'm honestly not sure about the validity of this person, but he sure wasn't acting like he was going to be a positive member of the community. Closing the thread.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Cappadonna said:


> My kids don't see us fighting. I'm not living in misery I'm actually thrilled about my new "friend". Today for example I met my "friend" to work out, played with my kids on and off all day, had a brief argument with my wife, played with my kids some more, now I'm on my way to an animal rescue to care for the abandoned dogs for an hour or so then I'm going home to eat a nice dinner with my family and watch the ball game. Later tonight I'll respond to my "training partners" texts. She sent me a few very very nice pics. Mmm awesome pics! She's gorgeous and starting to really like me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It seems you are not here for advice. All the betrayed spouses on this forum can do without "rubbing salt in an open wound". At this point it is baiting and this thread is closed.


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