# need opinions on if I should leave.



## sweetstrummer90 (Apr 6, 2016)

My husband is 29 and I am 25. We have a 2.5 year old son and a 1 year old son together. Since I met him 4 years ago, he said he had 2 years of schooling left and he was going to be a mechanical engineer. We got pregnant 6 months into dating and immediately got married. I've been divorced before at age 21. 
Fast forward to now. He's been in school for 4 years since and he still has 2 more to go because he always has an excuse for why he's slacking. Since we married, he's done nothing but made false promises. I reached a breaking point recently when he told me his new job promised a min. of 40k this year and he would yell at me for saying I wasn't getting any money from him, only to find out that at the end of the year he hadn't kept track and made 15k. Now, he's staying with the company, but it's based on how many hours he puts in. If he works 40 hours a week, he will make 40k this year. already on his second paycheck, he made $400 less for leaving early to go to blues games/coming home early just from having a bad day. I honestly think he's dillusional and believes he can fulfill all of his promises but I literally can't remember one promise in 4 years other than staying married that he's made to me and kept. I work part time as a hairstylist and make 50k, I take care of the kids, pay all of the bills, and control all responsible areas of our life because I can't hold him responsible. He put me on his car loan because he has bad credit, and missed the first 3 payments. He recently finished his court case with an ex gf and owed 6k that he couldn't pay, so in order to keep him from getting a felony, i gave him money from my inheritance. i also gave his lawyer 5k last year and I gave him 2k for dental work last month. he's done nothing but suck me and the kids dry financially and keeps me around with false promises and lies. Now, he's saying he wants to wait 4 months to go to counseling (which we've already done) and try and make it work. I'm not willing to do this anymore because he doesn't see the error in his ways. He says i immasculate him. I know I do, but I can't help it because i honestly can't stand the man. his lies and false promises have led me to be unable to feel romantically towards him. I love him as my childrens dad, but last night when I came home to talk about the divorce, he taught my 2 year old to say "mommy's a bad *****" to me, and continued to fight with our son in front of us and wouldn't stop. He tried taking him out to a hotel with him and our son heard and saw everything. after last night, I can't find a part of me that believes he will change or get better. If I leave now, he won't agree to work things out and it'll become a battle in court. if i wait 4 months, he says he will agree. I'm supposed to write down agreements for our divorce, have him sign it, and if at the end of 4 months i still want to leave, he will grant them to me. THe problem is, i don't believe that a paper and signature from him will hold up in a divorce and he is NOT a man of his word. 
what's keeping me thinking about trying it is he's the father of my boys and he loves me. I'm also ashamed of saying i've been divorced twice at 25. His good qualities are that he's patient with me, he helps me out a lot with the kids and around the house, our families get along really well, he's never cheated or hit me...should I stay?


----------



## M0M_SDG (Apr 7, 2015)

Why 4 months? What is his reason to wait? What will change by then?


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Want is going to happen in 4 months that would change everything? Is he getting a raise? I would advise staying with your marriage and give him a chance to start his career. The market is tough out there and we can't always predict what opportunities will be available to us. It's not fun to be the one who has to be the provider because it seems that you are always the one called on for all money needs but in a marriage you have to be willing to do that.


----------



## sweetstrummer90 (Apr 6, 2016)

He offered 6 months of counseling but settled on 4. He says things getting better takes time, but it's progressively gotten worse over 4 years so I can't trust or believe him that he will change. If he understood the problems and recognized them I'd feel differently, but every convo we have he justifies everything and manipulates it to make it sound ok to him, even when it's clearly not. He won't admit to anything so I can't break through. Our counselor agreed with me and told him he needs to step up he's almost 30 and is slacking and he still denies it


----------



## M0M_SDG (Apr 7, 2015)

We are in such similar scenarios, My husband is in complete denial of all the problems we have and brushes them under the rug. I can no longer go on like this. We just started counseling too. I say see how counseling goes and maybe it will help you move forward whatever that will be. Don't give it a time frame just see how far you go and what type of progress you get out of it and if its not working then make your moves whatever time that may be.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He's a married man with children to support and has a job that will work him 40 hours a week. Far as I'm concerned, he's got no excuse. 4 years of it getting progressively worse? I'd file and tell Peter Pan to pound sand.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You have yourself a parasite. It's not going to get better. He is always going to beg for time to make things right. Or to give him time to change. Good luck, not going to happen.

You have also trained him very well. Because you constantly bail him out of his problems. So nice having a sugar mama.

This is what I would do if you want to give him the additional 4 months. Get divorce paper ready with all the demand you want and have him sign and notarize it. Tell him if things does not change then in 4 months you will file. Until then you will hold off from filing.

Good luck. You know what you have to do.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

sweetstrummer90 said:


> he's done nothing but suck me and the kids dry financially and keeps me around with false promises and lies.
> 
> he's never cheated or hit me...should I stay?


Sure he has never hit you. You are his ATM that pays his car note, his lawyer, his child support and dental work.

You did not go into any details, but you do not know he has not cheated. You just did not catch him cheating. You can NEVER be sure someone never cheated. He has an ex, right? He sucks you dry, right? Do you really think he cares how you would feel if he cheated?

You have two sons, right? Well imagine you had a daughter and she was your age. She just confided in you her story just as you told and asked you, her mom, should she stay. What advice would you have given her?


----------



## sweetstrummer90 (Apr 6, 2016)

Thanks for your input guys. I agree with what you said, especially the person who posted about giving 4 months to get things in order and the person who said he's not going to change. Also no, I wouldn't want my daughter to stay. Leaving isn't easy but I want what's best for my children.


----------



## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

No, I wouldn't stay with someone who taught my kid to tell me "mommy's a bad *****." I also wouldn't stay with someone that wants to do counseling in 4 months, but not now when it is needed. There's nothing wrong with being divorced twice at 25. Look after yourself and your kids, that's the most important thing right now.


----------

