# Why do they blame us?



## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

Do the people who walk away from us validate their action by accusing us of being the one who ruined the marriage/relationship? Is this what they do? 

I don't get it how he is saying that everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - is my fault. He said I was the cause of why he's forced to leave me and file a divorce. He didn't explain about the many women and cheating in the past many years though. Still a coward denying he was cheating.


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## occ2195 (Nov 6, 2011)

I can not comment on that part but i know its hell to go through when they walk out on you. I cannot stop crying yet


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

It's blameshifting and re-writing your history together. My stbxh said similar things, I basically forced him to sleep with all these women, I never had sex with him blah blah. It's what cheaters do best.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

'Cause then they've justified their crummy behavior to themselves. It's funny what you'll do to ensure that you can look at yourself in the mirror everyday.


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

Suemolly said:


> Do the people who walk away from us validate their action by accusing us of being the one who ruined the marriage/relationship? Is this what they do?
> 
> I don't get it how he is saying that everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - is my fault. He said I was the cause of why he's forced to leave me and file a divorce. He didn't explain about the many women and cheating in the past many years though. Still a coward denying he was cheating.


It's the easy option.

Take responsibility for my actions - No
Blame someone else - Yes

= Coward

Take care


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Mine actually tried to tell me that I drove him into a relationship with other woman 4+ years ago because I removed my 'married' status from FB 6 months ago...lol. He's not even bothering to do the math...or even listen to the crap pouring out of his mouth and it flows out.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's because he can't say, "I'm a weak coward and instead of talking to you about what's bothering me, I'm just going to leave. And it's your fault because you can't read my mind."

Sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

As a cheater, I can say that I only blamed myself. And I always will. My wife was 100% the victim. I'm 100% the a-hole cheater. I didn't leave her, but I was about to for no valid reason.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Set me FREE said:


> Mine actually tried to tell me that I drove him into a relationship with other woman 4+ years ago because I removed my 'married' status from FB 6 months ago...lol. He's not even bothering to do the math...or even listen to the crap pouring out of his mouth and it flows out.


OH the crap they spew! He told all his gf's that I was divorcing him because "she couldn't get over her jealousy"


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

There is no girlfriend involved with my STBX but I am being given all the blame. Takes no responsibility for his role, I guess it does make it easier.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

OutOfTheBlue said:


> It's the easy option.
> 
> Take responsibility for my actions - No
> Blame someone else - Yes
> ...


:iagree:

Well said...


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Suemolly said:


> Do the people who walk away from us validate their action by accusing us of being the one who ruined the marriage/relationship? Is this what they do?
> 
> I don't get it how he is saying that everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - is my fault. He said I was the cause of why he's forced to leave me and file a divorce. He didn't explain about the many women and cheating in the past many years though. Still a coward denying he was cheating.


My Walk Away Wife has not once in the last 9 months of coldness ever admitted her faults in any of this. Her loss of feeling towards me has made her put the blame on me. She has hardly tried to work on the marriage, even when promising to do so. 

From what I have learned it is actions that make feelings, but she barely made an effort to do simple loving actions that would lead to loving feelings. Her lack of happiness and feelings are my fault according to her, and her reason to leave. So sad.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Because they have to justify their actions to themselves, no matter how wrong they are, and most of all, they have to justify their actions to their disapproving family and friends. They must convince THEM that they made the right decision.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Because they have to justify their actions to themselves, no matter how wrong they are, and most of all, they have to justify their actions to their disapproving family and friends. They must convince THEM that they made the right decision.


So true. The sad part is knowing that some of her family seems to know she is struggling with something internal that is not of my doing. Major changes in apperance, weight, dress, etc. As far as I can tell none of them have advised her to look at herself.


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## lpsscc (Oct 31, 2011)

I always wonder the percent of these people that wake up down the line and think, "humm maybe it was just me?"


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

lpsscc said:


> I always wonder the percent of these people that wake up down the line and think, "humm maybe it was just me?"


I suspect that they knew it all along-they just don't have the guts to admit it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"It's not you it's me"

"Damn straight you're a soul sucking death bot."


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Another sad thing is even after time has passed their view gets more and more distorted. I'm three years post divorce from a cheating, lying wife and I have never caused one bit of drama during or since our divorce. Just yesterday I was looking at FB and for some reason she decided to take a shot at me, she had posted a message to my son and made the comment "and your dad said I couldn't multi task, he never gave me any credit" 

She walks out on her kids and our life to be with her sperm stick and after three years still is trying to deflect blame, what an ass. 

In reality they know they did wrong but are to ashamed to admit it so they try to shed the blame on us.


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