# I love you, but I am not in love with you



## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

feel stuck. The one person I should look forward to spending time with and being intimate with and talking to is the last person I want to do any of these things with. He's a great guy and treats me like gold. But, I feel really lonely. Both of us have strong personalities and opposing views on EVERYTHING. Hence, I feel alone most of the time and frankly run out of things to talk to him about.

I have resentment built up about some things in the past. Yes, we have addressed these (my) issues and he has apologized and made amends. And I still have a hard time letting go of my internal anger and frustration and sadness.

I know none of us is perfect and I know I do things that turn him off. But our basic beings, our values and who we are are so different...I don't know if I would be friends w/ him if we were not together.

Bottom line is how do you get back to that loving feeling when you are full of resentment and in all honesty DON'T accept or like everything about your partner? I want to be w/ my best friend and he has never been that to me. I really envy couples who are best friends and it makes me sad. Like I have settled for something that is good, but not great...

How do you get back to liking your spouse and wanting to be with him/her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Does your spouse feel the same way? If you want you marriage to work it will take both of you. If you're both willing to put in the effort needed there are some books you can read to start.

His Needs, Her Needs
Five Love Languages
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (an old one but still has some useful tips)


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

He's in love w/ me. I am not in love w/ him. Not now anyway. I've read those books - all good. He wants to meet my needs. I don't know if I want him to try...I am so turned off by him now. How do I accept what I don't like about him. I don't have loving feelings anymore. I don't feel a connection w/ him anymore...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

why are you so resentful? is it something that affects your day to day lives? if not.. there's gotta be some way for you to get over it. is there some behavior that he's doing that you dont like? does he need to prove something to/for you in order to forgive him?

i say if forgiveness is within your capabilities then do whatever you can to get over it. if you need something from him TELL HIM. if you just dont care enough to work on it... then stop wasting yours and his time. 

good luck!


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I am a firm believer in the adage that love is a verb. It's not a feeling that you either have or you don't. You can make a choice to be positive, to focus on the good. When you feel a negative thought coming into your head, replace it with a positive one. When you think of something you don't like about your husband, don't dwell on it but instead think of something you DO like about him. Once resentment sets in, it's easy to forget that your spouse even HAS any positive qualities ..but I feel pretty confident that your husband has some. 

Overcoming resentment can be tough and takes work, but it is definitely worth it!

Good luck to you!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Honeysuckle resentment is hard to deal with, that's understandable but I would like to point something out. Even best friends fight and build resentment against one another. I myself am dealing with resentment toward my spouse about many things. Like someone said, once resentment sets in, its hard to see the positives about your spouse. If you truly want it to work then you will have to find a way to deal with that resentment and be able to let go of it and move past it. 

If counseling and books are not helping then try either the love dare... or... try taking some time away from your spouse to sort out your feelings and heal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

nandosbella said:


> why are you so resentful? is it something that affects your day to day lives? if not.. there's gotta be some way for you to get over it. is there some behavior that he's doing that you dont like? does he need to prove something to/for you in order to forgive him?
> 
> i say if forgiveness is within your capabilities then do whatever you can to get over it. if you need something from him TELL HIM. if you just dont care enough to work on it... then stop wasting yours and his time.
> 
> good luck!


It does affect our every day lives because I'm so wishy washy about staying with him. And that's not fair to him. I forgive and then I take it back. I think I dislike him on certain levels. I resent my friends who have seemingly ok marriages and seem to be with their best buddies. I, on the other hand, feel like I am with the person I would never even talk to in an alternate universe. 

The longer we are together, the more distant from him I feel. I resent that I am giving up everything to stay with someone I'm not sure about. He is fully committed and loves me. I'm just not sure I love him anymore.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

One thing I would like to add is, you could try journaling your thoughts and have your spouse do the same if he wants. Then you two can occasionally look over each others journals from time to time. This was suggested to me and its been pretty helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

livnlearn said:


> I am a firm believer in the adage that love is a verb. It's not a feeling that you either have or you don't. You can make a choice to be positive, to focus on the good. When you feel a negative thought coming into your head, replace it with a positive one. When you think of something you don't like about your husband, don't dwell on it but instead think of something you DO like about him. Once resentment sets in, it's easy to forget that your spouse even HAS any positive qualities ..but I feel pretty confident that your husband has some.
> 
> Overcoming resentment can be tough and takes work, but it is definitely worth it!
> 
> Good luck to you!


I constantly do loving things for him and tell him I love him. Part of me does, part of me doesn't...My brain has just latched onto the negative and I can't shake it. We have a good couple of days and then BOOM - I'm back to being an inch away from leaving him.

His Love Language is Touch and I HATE it when he touches me now. Used to love it. My Love Language is Talk and I run out of things to say to him. We agree on nothing and see the world in completely opposite ways. It has made me lonely and resentful. I just clam up to avoid arguing/disagreeing and feeling more crappy, which does NOT work. Hence, I feel stuck. He's a catch, but maybe not for my net...


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

How long have you felt this way? Has your husband ever fully met your needs? For short periods of time my husband would annoy me. I would tell him I love you but I really don't like you right now. Something would happen within the next couple of days that would have me thinking he's so sweet. Sometimes it's just a cycle you have to go through. We've been married 14 years.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

HS,
Break him down for us.

Traits
- smart (folks are flying him around on airplanes - so I will guess yes)
- ambitious (he goes on those planes to help people and GET THE MONEY) 
- generous with: time, money, kindness
- patient
- perceptive
- bad temper/poor emotional control (just asking) - answer could be - even keeled - very in control of his emotions
- emotionally needy - or not
- funny 
- interested in YOU - core YOU 
- talkative/quiet

Physical
- as tall as you want - or not
- as fit as you want - or not
- overall attractive - or not
- sharp dresser

Skills
- handyman around the house
- good conversationalist
- good with people/friends and family
- has learned what you love/hate - amplifies former, suppresses latter

Knowledge


How he meshes that together to treat you in a way that you really LIKE - and how he makes you miserable.

As for you - a lot has been written about males who live for the "chase". After they catch/bed you they lose interest. Yes - I was like this as a teenager. Grew out of it. 

Not so much has been written about the female equivalent. Not saying this is you. Just saying this is very common:
- Date/mate 
- Press for commitment 
- Get commitment 
- Rapidly start to lose desire 
- Man begins to start acting nicer - and in parallel more volatile/emotional: THIS IS A SLOW MO TRAIN WRECK. Both behaviors convey weakness to a woman. 
- By the wedding/honeymoon desire is low/gone - and commingled with moments of out right sexual aversion

When males are told to be more "sensitive" with women they don't understand what that REALLY means which is:
- be perceptive and empathetic 
it does NOT MEAN
- be easily hurt or highly emotional - unless the emotions are consistently very positive

>>>>>>>>.
The biggest red flag to me was when you posted resentment about the expectation of honeymoon sex. 

OUCH - the model is supposed to look like this: At the point of the wedding - in theory he hasn't done anything that would cause much resentment or you wouldn't be marrying him. What screwed up desire before the wedding?





honeysuckle rose said:


> Men, if you learned your wife felt this way, and has for some time, would you think it best if you part ways amicably?
> 
> I know we all say true love should be unconditional, but that's not reality. We all have conditions and expectations (realistic or not) that play into how we feel about our partner?
> 
> ...








honeysuckle rose said:


> feel stuck. The one person I should look forward to spending time with and being intimate with and talking to is the last person I want to do any of these things with. He's a great guy and treats me like gold. But, I feel really lonely. Both of us have strong personalities and opposing views on EVERYTHING. Hence, I feel alone most of the time and frankly run out of things to talk to him about.
> 
> I have resentment built up about some things in the past. Yes, we have addressed these (my) issues and he has apologized and made amends. And I still have a hard time letting go of my internal anger and frustration and sadness.
> 
> ...


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

livnlearn said:


> I am a firm believer in the adage that love is a verb. It's not a feeling that you either have or you don't. You can make a choice to be positive, to focus on the good. When you feel a negative thought coming into your head, replace it with a positive one. When you think of something you don't like about your husband, don't dwell on it but instead think of something you DO like about him. Once resentment sets in, it's easy to forget that your spouse even HAS any positive qualities ..but I feel pretty confident that your husband has some.
> 
> Overcoming resentment can be tough and takes work, but it is definitely worth it!
> 
> Good luck to you!


I disagree with you big time there. For me love most certainly is a feeling and we express that feeling in the loving things we do (verbs) for our partner. As a man, it’s that feeling of love that comes first, the actions second. Without that feeling of being in love, without that motivation I can’t see the point in living with the person.

I know that feeling of being in love because I had it inside me for over four decades for my wife. And once that feeling of being in love left me, once that loving feeling left me such that it was no longer there inside of me it was like I was truly empty inside. Like I’d lost half of me.



For sure, resentment enacted as a dislike and maybe even hatred for a partner can be so powerful and all consuming that it pushes love out and puts it in the dark such that it can’t blossom and grow. And the only way as far as I know to let love back in is to give it room by getting rid of the resentment by forgiving. In order to be a peaceful and contented person inside, forgiving must be done anyway. But if a person cannot forgive their partner then for sure they should with all the grace they can muster leave them, because else they’ll just make both their lives truly miserable.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

honeysuckle rose said:


> I constantly do loving things for him and tell him I love him. Part of me does, part of me doesn't...My brain has just latched onto the negative and I can't shake it. We have a good couple of days and then BOOM - I'm back to being an inch away from leaving him.
> 
> His Love Language is Touch and I HATE it when he touches me now. Used to love it. My Love Language is Talk and I run out of things to say to him. We agree on nothing and see the world in completely opposite ways. It has made me lonely and resentful. I just clam up to avoid arguing/disagreeing and feeling more crappy, which does NOT work. Hence, I feel stuck. He's a catch, but maybe not for my net...


If you cannot forgive him then do yourselves both a favour and leave him. It'll probably break his heart and he will get over it in time. But he deserves to be with a woman who loves him as much as you deserve to be with a man you love.


You only live once and without love in your life it sure isn't much fun.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You've got to let the resentment go.

Seriously. If you don't, you don't have a marriage and you will never "like" him as a person. And when you don't "like" someone as a person, you can't be "in love" the way you should be in a marriage.

Stop doin things that are detrimental to the marriage (fighting just for the sake of it, spiting eachother, not having s ex). 

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Because if you don't, you're on a bumpy road to a toxic marriage. 

I've been in this situation before and it just got worse over time.


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## Shocker (Jul 26, 2012)

honeysuckle rose said:


> I constantly do loving things for him and tell him I love him. Part of me does, part of me doesn't...My brain has just latched onto the negative and I can't shake it. We have a good couple of days and then BOOM - I'm back to being an inch away from leaving him.
> 
> His Love Language is Touch and I HATE it when he touches me now. Used to love it. My Love Language is Talk and I run out of things to say to him. We agree on nothing and see the world in completely opposite ways. It has made me lonely and resentful. I just clam up to avoid arguing/disagreeing and feeling more crappy, which does NOT work. Hence, I feel stuck. He's a catch, but maybe not for my net...


I personally (husband here) think it is horrible to say you love someone when you really don't. Tell him the truth. It'll hurt like hell but he deserves to be happy and not lied too. 

The worst thing in the world would be to think my wife loves me when she really doesn't.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

The mind works in strange ways. Make it a point to tell him you love him, several times throughout the day. Kiss him, like you did when you first met. Initially it will seem weird, but you begin to like it, even long for it. Lay in bed with him, naked, and gaze into his eyes for a little while each night...and don't have sex every time. Do nice things for him, like the things you used to do when you first met. Find other things to talk about such as the days events, but nothing where you have opposing views. Do this for 30 days straight and you will be in love again. Remember, you loved him at one point, you just gotta find it again.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Shocker said:


> I personally (husband here) think it is horrible to say you love someone when you really don't. Tell him the truth. It'll hurt like hell but he deserves to be happy and not lied too.
> 
> The worst thing in the world would be to think my wife loves me when she really doesn't.


I agree with this wholeheartedly. Do not pretend for his sake, that is evil. Except, if is uncertainty that may be temporary, you can explore your feelings before doing major damage.

His perspective may be that he likes to disagree with you, respects your opinions and viewpoints. But, if your conversations devolve into confrontations, then that shows disrespect on both parts. If you are not respecting eachother, maybe the best place to start is discussing why you cannot have open conversations. From here, maybe you can come up with a solution that shows mutual respect and admiration - or, come to the understanding that either or both of you does not understand and cannot respect the other's views, and that the relationship cannot preservere in that circumstance.


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## Shocker (Jul 26, 2012)

SprucHub said:


> I agree with this wholeheartedly. Do not pretend for his sake, that is evil. Except, if is uncertainty that may be temporary, you can explore your feelings before doing major damage.
> 
> His perspective may be that he likes to disagree with you, respects your opinions and viewpoints. But, if your conversations devolve into confrontations, then that shows disrespect on both parts. If you are not respecting eachother, maybe the best place to start is discussing why you cannot have open conversations. From here, maybe you can come up with a solution that shows mutual respect and admiration - or, come to the understanding that either or both of you does not understand and cannot respect the other's views, and that the relationship cannot preservere in that circumstance.


I will add that I see no real way that your going to turn things around unless you come completely clean on this. No sugar and spice. Copy and paste your original posts into a document and hand it to him. At worst, stop staying with him for convenience. I'm sure he has some issues with this relationship of his own. Wasting time otherwise for everyone.


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## Nod (Jul 2, 2012)

Well Anthol says that phrase usually means another man. I tend to think there is since she can't stand to be touched by him now. I think she had rationalized why it's ok to pursue her new beau, & now trying to get confirmation from strangers on a forum.

Every post of hers talks about how she may not love him, & why. She had a moral dilemma because he loves her so much.

You've made up your mind, so just grow a pair (metaphorically) & leave your husband before starting your affair with the OM.


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## Shocker (Jul 26, 2012)

Nod said:


> Well Anthol says that phrase usually means another man. I tend to think there is since she can't stand to be touched by him now. I think she had rationalized why it's ok to pursue her new beau, & now trying to get confirmation from strangers on a forum.
> 
> Every post of hers talks about how she may not love him, & why. She had a moral dilemma because he loves her so much.
> 
> You've made up your mind, so just grow a pair (metaphorically) & leave your husband before starting your affair with the OM.


What he said.

Keep in mind that cheating on a spouse will probably hurt as much as someone close to them dying. It hurts horribly.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

It doesn't mean another person every time. I'll agree most of the time. The OP is asking for ways to fall back in love with her husband. That doesn't sound like another man to me. Marriages go through ups and downs. If you can make it through the downs you get to enjoy the ups.

I agree with lifeisnotsogood. Sometimes pretending at first can lead to the old feelings coming back. There's a saying in customer service: Put a smile on your face when you talk to customers even if you don't feel it. They can hear it.


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## Nod (Jul 2, 2012)

That is a rues to get confirmation. If you notice, every suggestion is rebutted with why that doesn't work. 

I think she is here to get confirmation that is ok to cheat. If that is the case, you won't find anyone here to back you.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Hopefull363 said:


> It doesn't mean another person every time


95% is the industry standard. This includes having someone picked out even if not directly involved


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

I have felt like she explains a few times in my marriage. Thankfully I always love him though. There have been times I felt stuck and lonely while I'm married. I just keep going. Thankfully I do love him so the feelings always come back. I've never even thought to fool around. I don't see anywhere in the OP's post where she mentions anybody else. I just see a lot of assumptions from other posters.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Resentment is poison and the cure is forgiveness. 

Something to consider is the Mid Life Crisis. How old does not seem to matter but likely if we are in our 40's or there about, that is when the mental mind melt and fog hits.

Many stupid and damaging decisions are made by the sufferer looking for greener pastures and thinking their unhappiness can be cured by leaving that spouse who must be the reason. When the reality is they are just an easy target during the foggy period.

No one can self diagnose, and will deny, but read the midlife for dummies link below. One of the lines.....ILYBNILY!!!


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Nod said:


> Well Anthol says that phrase usually means another man. I tend to think there is since she can't stand to be touched by him now. I think she had rationalized why it's ok to pursue her new beau, & now trying to get confirmation from strangers on a forum.
> 
> Every post of hers talks about how she may not love him, & why. She had a moral dilemma because he loves her so much.
> 
> You've made up your mind, so just grow a pair (metaphorically) & leave your husband before starting your affair with the OM.


I don't think it's fair to make these assumptions, Nod. Just because Anthol(?) says this is usually the case doesn't necessarily make it true (in THIS case anyway). 

I can completely relate to what she is going through (resentments, dislike, aversion to him/his touch) and had the same feelings towards my stbxh. There was not another man nor is there now. I simply fell out of love and was unable to get over the resentments. Sometimes there really are no "evil" subplots going on! If she comes back, maybe she will get into it further.

honeysuckle - I would just recommend talking to him in as_ kind_ of a tone as you can muster. Maybe talk to a counselor before doing so and find out the best way to talk to him about this because there is no doubt that this will hurt like hell. As far as how you get those good feelings back well, I am obviously not good at it myself so I will stop here. I wish you luck though!


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

Nod said:


> That is a rues to get confirmation. If you notice, every suggestion is rebutted with why that doesn't work.
> 
> I think she is here to get confirmation that is ok to cheat. If that is the case, you won't find anyone here to back you.


Totally wrong. I don't need permission to cheat. I want suggestions from ppl who have felt this & fixed it. I will go back to the Fake It Til You Make It well and try again. I stay bcuz I care about him & want the way I used to feel about him back.

I don't need his money & we don't have kids. So, why would I be angst ridden or care if I was a cheating witch?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

This is me said:


> Resentment is poison and the cure is forgiveness.
> 
> Something to consider is the Mid Life Crisis. How old does not seem to matter but likely if we are in our 40's or there about, that is when the mental mind melt and fog hits.
> 
> ...


I think we have a winner bcuz I feel just like a midlife dummy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

honeysuckle rose said:


> I will go back to the Fake It Til You Make It well and try again. I stay bcuz I care about him & want the way I used to feel about him back._Posted via Mobile Device_


I would really recommend against this appraoch. It seems to be doing you and your relationship far more harm than good. 

I think you need to start being more honest with him. If you are faking it, he is likely doing things thinking that they are working. Not much incentive for him to change.

Have you gone to IC and you and your husband to MC?


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## Nod (Jul 2, 2012)

If it is 95% chance of rain, you carry am umbrella. So that is why i made the assumption. If I am incorrect then I'm sorry, but the trend around here is that means someone else...


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I would really recommend against this appraoch. It seems to be doing you and your relationship far more harm than good.
> 
> I think you need to start being more honest with him. If you are faking it, he is likely doing things thinking that they are working. Not much incentive for him to change.
> 
> Have you gone to IC and you and your husband to MC?


It is an exceedingly deceitful approach. Most especially if it is due to midlife change.

We experience midlife change for exceedingly deep and profound reasons. It’s mostly to do with kind of shaking ourselves up, understanding where we’ve been in our life, where we are right now and looking right into the future. Not quite our End Game Planning phase, but most certainly the phase that leads up to it.




To cover all that up with faking it till you make it is so very wrong not only for the individual but for the spouse as well. If you truly want to stay together then it is far better to both sit down and review exactly where you are right now in your life, what your baseline is wrt careers, finances, “life satisfaction”, goals, dreams etc. etc. And when all that is done and documented to look right into the future say until you are of retirement age.

What do you want to do with the rest of your life? What is your bucket list? What are the top three things you’ll regret not doing while you are on your death bed reviewing your whole life.

Don’t ever fake your life because if you do you sure will regret it. Get right down to the hard tacks and see if there are any non negotiables the things that you want to do in the future that your partner doesn’t. Because for sure sacrificing the rest of your life “just” because your partner loves you is not the way to go.

You’re already resentful. If you are silly enough to sacrifice the future you want to stay with him the resentment you feel now is nothing compared to the resentment you’d feel as an eighty year old. And if he ever wakes up, discovers that you have sacrificed for him and maybe even prevented him from doing what he wants to do with his life, he too will be massively resentful of you, his love for you may well turn to a hatred of you.

Don’t be like my wife who stayed with me even though she no longer loved me and for the last few years of our marriage made it some form of living nightmare because she was half in and half out and not totally committed to making it work.

Be right up front, open and honest with your H. Don’t ever fake love for him. It is the very least he deserves from you because then he can make his choices on the truth, not some delusions that you build around him.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

It is deceitful, but an earnest attempt at recapturing what I've lost. However, I fear it is gone, never to return.

My resentment has a lot to do with exes and his porn proclivities. Let's not even discuss our oil and water approach to living.

I have become someone I don't want to become and never wanted to be in this relationship -- a snoop. But, every time I do, I find more lies or deceit or stupid crap. 

Just last month we had a discussion (and I never shout and scream at him -- I won't give him the satisfaction) about why photos of an ex in clothed, but provocative positions were on his phone, as well as porn pics that resemble his exes (actually ALL of his exes, as he has a very strong draw to a particular type, which looks NOTHING like me).

After this 'heartfelt' talk and his tears, he said he was done w/ this ex because she causes trouble for us, as she's always trying to weasel her way into our business (his words) and calls him at crazy hours for bullsh!t. 

Well, I do a little FB searching bcuz I'm bored and he is friends w/ her (which I never had a problem w/ him maintaining friendships w/ exes or anybody -- even his friends I can't stand). But, what I notice is his comment about how glowingly beautiful she is. WTF? You tell me you're done w/ her and then this -- only a couple of weeks after we've had this idiotic talk? AND the kicker? He posted this comment while he was out of town at the client's for two weeks.

I think I'm done.


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## Nod (Jul 2, 2012)

I think that is a bit harsh. To be done over a comment on Facebook. Is he sleeping with her? Maybe she makes him feel good about himself. Men need their ego stroked every once in awhile. If he has a wife that constantly nags at him, he finds it elsewhere. 

If you are always going to hold onto your resentment, then yes you should leave him.

Best of luck.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If you have no children, it will make the split easier. My ex "loved" the things I could give her and she"loved" the roof I provided to keep her pretty face out of the weather along with the car I bought her so she could visit "her friends".
But she wasn't "in love with me" and was cheating before the first year was out and was already pregnant with "our" first child compliments of some unnamed guy.
Not all relationships are successful.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

Nod said:


> I think that is a bit harsh. To be done over a comment on Facebook. Is he sleeping with her? Maybe she makes him feel good about himself. Men need their ego stroked every once in awhile. If he has a wife that constantly nags at him, he finds it elsewhere.
> 
> If you are always going to hold onto your resentment, then yes you should leave him.
> 
> Best of luck.


May I ask you a question? If you wife never turns you down for sex on a regular basis, does loving things for you & still TRIES to be actively engaged in the relationship, would you keep photos of exes (scantily clad ones [that was the first find years ago]) on your phone? Would you keep porn on your phone that LOOKED like your exes (and they all look alike)? Would you, after telling ME, YOU were done having contact with this one woman because she causes trouble in our relationship, then post a comment on her FB page about how beautiful she looks? Why are you still in contact w/ this woman, if she tried in the past to undermine your primary relationship?

How would your wife feel if you tell her one thing and do another w/ regards to an ex? They aren't sleeping together. But, today I find out FOR THE FIRST TIME he agreed not to meet her and/or her new boyfriend because the FB friendship was a compromise on staying friends. WTF? Why is her friendship so important to you? You should be more worried about your wife leaving you, I would think.

It feels like de ja vu all over again. I am not happy about leaving him. I think we are Tango Uniform. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 5x, I'm a damn fool.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

hookares said:


> If you have no children, it will make the split easier. My ex "loved" the things I could give her and she"loved" the roof I provided to keep her pretty face out of the weather along with the car I bought her so she could visit "her friends".
> But she wasn't "in love with me" and was cheating before the first year was out and was already pregnant with "our" first child compliments of some unnamed guy.
> Not all relationships are successful.


I am so sorry hookares. That is foul on her part. I hope you now have someone new, who loves you...


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

honeysuckle rose said:


> It is deceitful, but an earnest attempt at recapturing what I've lost. However, I fear it is gone, never to return.
> 
> My resentment has a lot to do with exes and his porn proclivities. Let's not even discuss our oil and water approach to living.
> 
> ...


It’s easy to see why you are resentful and why you can’t forgive the guy. He’s wounded you but not only that he keeps doing things to keep your wounds open.

Forgiveness is easier given for something in the past and if the person who wounded you is sorry and remorseful. But that’s not the case with your H.

It’s like you’d have to forgive him for something he’s done not only yesterday and today, but also for things he’ll do tomorrow and the next day. That is your wounds aren’t going to close while you are still with him.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Honeysuckle rose,

After reading your other thread and your comments here it's easy to see why your done. How can you be in love with someone you can't trust. You've talked to him, he says he'll stop. He doesn't. How long can you deal with someone discounting your feelings before you fall out of love.

My suggestion to you is to go to marriage counseling. There maybe you can determine if your marital problems are fixable with a neutral third party. If they are not, then work on an exit plan. Move on with your life and find someone who values your love.


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## Nod (Jul 2, 2012)

I guess you are correct if he promised. It sounds like an attraction issue. I know for me, I have no desire to look at porn, as I am completely attracted to my wife. I would never turn down sex either.

My issue is she hasn't been attracted to me in years. We are working on that. Well more like I am for her. Gym, weight loss, nice clothes etc. I am not a bad looking guy, but my wife has blossomed into an 8, and i am a 6 on my best day. With another 80lbs of weight loss, I'll be an 8 as well.

Anyhow, I do think it's time for you to move on. Work on yourself, & find someone who is going to love & respect you.


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## srtjm (Jul 11, 2012)

What attracted you to him in th begin. Baseball player and other athletes hit a slump, and they always say they had to get back to the basics to overcome it.


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