# Should one feel guilty at not being around family?



## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

I don't like some family members, they're judgmental, they ask too many invasive questions and I hate how they think I should think/behave just like they do.

I try my best not to hang out with family in consequence. Is it normal then not to hang out with them that much?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Normal? Who knows, but does that matter? If there are people in your life you feel are toxic and detrimental to your well being than eliminate them from your life, it shouldn't matter if they are related or not.


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I agree with cooper. no matter who they are, if they are toxic, they don't deserve to be in your life.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

If family there may be a few gatherings it is hard to avoid but otherwise what others have advised. Do you find it difficult to stay away? If so, why?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

No, you don't need to feel guilty about it. Family is not always easy to be around, and you don't have to subject yourself to it if you don't want to.

Unless you're an unemployed alcoholic or something, and they want you to get help. Then maybe you should listen to what they're saying.

Oh, and if there are family members who do love you and care for you and you feel the same, don't let your avoidance of the bad apples also mean that you avoid your loved ones. Avoiding Christmas at home, for example, might mean never seeing your favorite grandma or your adorable nieces and nephews...you would regret missing out on seeing them, and they would miss you, too.


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

No, you shouldn't feel guilty when they are toxic people. It's why a lot of couples decide to move away and strike it out on their own and create their own traditions for holidays and special occasions. Ideally, we would all live in a world where we couldn't bear to be away from family for long but we do not. We have to deal with people for how they are and if they aren't the greatest to be around, it's healthier to keep your distance.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Attempting to live by a long list of "shoulds" is a sure way to be miserable. Do what blows your hair back and buck the rest. It is your life. Avoid as much misery as possible.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Have you ever heard the expression, "Vive tu vida, no la mia."?

It means, "Live your life, not mine." I love this expression. 

When it comes right down to it, you are the only one living your life. You know your own truth. It is good to listen to others, but at the end of the day, you have to make your own decisions.

I made a decision to take a break from my family four years ago. My siblings are not healthy, and my mom had checked out mentally. I had brought up an issue that I felt was important for the family to look at, and there was stiff resistance.

I was not prepared for the firestorm that hit me. After days of not eating, not sleeping, and crying from the unkind responses of my siblings, my husband suggested I leave my family. He told me they do not respect me.

That just seemed so hard. I was so used to their dysfunction. Before I met my dh, it all seemed normal to me.

But it was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I am grateful to him.

He was just remarking a month or so ago on how peaceful our life is without the involvement of my family.

But I don't know if I could have done it without his support. And sometimes I miss them.

The way a woman who was beaten regularly misses her abusive husband.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Depends on the reason. I came to the USA for college and stayed. My field of study was totally useless in my birth country but quite promising in the USA. So I stayed. My parents visited me several times and they always told me to stay put... 

I have reconnected with many friends and relatives back there over Skype, Facebook, etc. I do miss them and they miss me but the stuff I do for a living is not popular in the backwaters of Europe. Only in Germany, and as much as I like the place - I visit there for work once a year - I can't see myself living there. 

Jld put it well... My life.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

My brother is an idiot. If I met him at a party, I wouldn't talk to him for more than 10 minutes. That's how long it would take for me to figure out what a jerk he is (he didn't make it to our mother's funeral - high caliber jerk). I haven't spoken to him in a few years.

No guilt whatsoever.


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