# Do feelings really change?



## username2 (Jun 16, 2011)

Can a person resolve that a marriage is over and be ready to walk away _then_ decide that it is worth saving? Or once one spouse is willing to accept that it is over, does that mean it is truly over?

When I decided to tell my first husband I wanted a divorce there was not one doubt in my mind. I did not want to be with him under any circumstance.

Now being on the other side I am left wondering if things change will his feelings change? We have been very back and forth which makes me feel like he's unsure and that there are a few smoldering coals left. Am I just kidding myself?

FYI- we have decided to give it 2 months to see what happens. It seems that he expects me to move out on Sept 1st and I expect him to decide that he wants to continue being together.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Feelings change all the time for all kinds of reasons. If you're on a back and forth ride with him, it can be because he's afraid to make the wrong choice and regret it or it could be because he doesn't really know what he wants so committing to one thing or the other isn't an option for him right now.

For me, once my mind is made up TRULY made up,I go with my choice and try not to look back. 

It would be a great day for me if when the marriage is dissolved,i could feel differently about saving it...turn around and H will be there a changed man with open arms waiting for me.
Doubt it will ever happen though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

username2 said:


> Can a person resolve that a marriage is over and be ready to walk away _then_ decide that it is worth saving? Or once one spouse is willing to accept that it is over, does that mean it is truly over?.


IMO, once one person is done, there is no more relationship to salvage. Most divorces are NOT mutual and it only takes ONE person to terminate the marriage.



username2 said:


> When I decided to tell my first husband I wanted a divorce there was not one doubt in my mind. I did not want to be with him under any circumstance.
> 
> Now being on the other side I am left wondering if things change will his feelings change?


Yeah. Life is funny that way--When the shoe is on the other foot.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

"Now being on the other side I am left wondering if things change will his feelings change? We have been very back and forth which makes me feel like he's unsure and that there are a few smoldering coals left. Am I just kidding myself?"

Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20. It is hard to sort out your true feelings while you are submerged in a relationship. Sometimes you have to step out of it and look back to really see what was going on. Hopefully if your spouse feels reconciliation is possible, then you can get back together and try again. Unfortunately, it'll take you convincing your spouse that you truly believe you have resolved your issues and that the marriage could work and be happy once more. 

Good luck!


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