# Why does he masterbate



## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

So I am a big over thinker and son insecure women I am mature enough to admit this so when he told me he master a yes I got worried. First let me say when we first got together we had sex three or four times a day he couldn't keep his hands off me here we are 6 months later and I went have sex once a day usually in the morning before he goes to work. Some reason we got on the topic of masturbation and db me asked if he has masturbated since we got together he said I got very insecure and worried I asked why when I'm here and ready to go all the time any place I want him like crazy he said well it's when your not home and its only been a few times. I then asked is that why we only have sex once a day he said no its due to my ED and my labido ive been asking what's going on he always just said he was tired is it wrong of me to be worried this whole time I thought he didn't find me attractive any more. So I guess my question is if your a happy man and get srx whenever you want is it still normal to masterbate or is there another reason.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You think he finds you unattractive because you only have sex once a day.

Now I've read everything.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

babydean78 said:


> So I guess my question is if your a happy man and get srx whenever you want is it still normal to masterbate or is there another reason.


For me the answer is no. If I have sex on tap as much as I want then I do not masturbate.

However I think you’ll find it’s not uncommon even for people who have a lot of sex to masturbate between sessions.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

So I'm wondering why the going from sex three times a day to include in the morning


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


babydean78 said:



So I'm wondering why the going from sex three times a day to include in the morning

Click to expand...

*Because the thrill eventually wears off.

Too much of any good thing after a while is just .... *too* much.

I always use my brother as an example. He married a nympho - she was always ready for sex and had to have it. My brother thought he'd hit the jackpot...for the first couple of years. Then, the thrill of always having sex on tap started to wear off. It's like anything - I love pizza but if I'm eating it every single day and there's a never-ending supply of it, I'm eventually going to start getting tired of it. Well, my brother started getting tired of it and it got to the point where he dreaded going home after work because there she would be, waiting to crawl all over him when he walked through the door and all he wanted was dinner and to relax. He actually started finding reasons to avoid going home right away and started hanging out with the guys for a beer after work, stalling his arrival at home.

Don't get me wrong - he loved her, he just didn't want to be going at it like rabbits every single day anymore. Unless someone has a glandular or hormonal problem, who the hell WANTS to have sex 3 times a day -* every single day* - year after year after year after year after year, ad nauseum? Is that REALLY sustainable once you're an adult with professional and family responsibilities? Don't people have jobs and *other* goals in life aside from "needing" to get off 3 times a day? 

OP, maybe you need to get a job or something. You're way too obsessed with sex - it's like you think your *whole purpose in life* is pleasing this guy and if he masturbates, the sky will fall. Your boyfriend has likely gotten over the thrill of CONSTANT sex all the time which was likely to happen sooner or later. It is unrealistic to think you'd keep this pace up until one of you started collecting Social Security. 

Be realistic. You need to learn how to manage your expectations and you need to stop hounding the poor guy about masturbating or he's going to start finding reasons to avoid coming home after work just like my brother did.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Unfortunately I have to agree with @She'sStillGotIt three times a day is maybe slightly excessive. Twice is much more reasonable!


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> So I am a big over thinker and son insecure women I am mature enough to admit this so when he told me he master a yes I got worried. First let me say when we first got together we had sex three or four times a day he couldn't keep his hands off me here we are 6 months later and I went have sex once a day usually in the morning before he goes to work. Some reason we got on the topic of masturbation and db me asked if he has masturbated since we got together he said I got very insecure and worried I asked why when I'm here and ready to go all the time any place I want him like crazy he said well it's when your not home and its only been a few times. I then asked is that why we only have sex once a day he said no its due to my ED and my labido ive been asking what's going on he always just said he was tired is it wrong of me to be worried this whole time I thought he didn't find me attractive any more. So I guess my question is if your a happy man and get srx whenever you want is it still normal to masterbate or is there another reason.


Short answer to why a man masturbates: He's human.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Because the thrill eventually wears off.
> 
> Too much of any good thing after a while is just .... *too* much.
> 
> ...


Well first of all I have a full time job at a native american health clinic and I wasn't the one in the beginning wanting it all the time he was and I'm not obsessed with sex just because we had a lot doesn't mean I'm obsessed.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

And just because o like sex doesmt mean there is something wrong with me . I didn't get on this site forever people to make me feel like there is something wrong with me, so thank you


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You’ve only been married 6 months? That’s quick for the sex to go downhill. He’s probably lazy and prefers the quick release rather than having to put in the effort with you.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

babydean78 said:


> And just because o like sex doesmt mean there is something wrong with me . I didn't get on this site forever people to make me feel like there is something wrong with me, so thank you


There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have sex three times a day.

As for the morning thing, generally men’s testosterone peaks in the morning. I know if I could pick a time to have sex every day it would be 5:30am or so would be my number one, and then I’d probably want to go again at 8 or 8:30am.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Yeah sounds about right we get up for work at 5:30 and he is all over me.but when I come home or send him sexy pics from work he is just not into it. I'm starting to feel very unattractive or that there might be someone else I barely hear from all day and its only because I message him yet from the moment he is up here is on fb and messenger.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

babydean78 said:


> So I am a big over thinker and son insecure women I am mature enough to admit this so when he told me he master a yes I got worried. First let me say when we first got together we had sex three or four times a day he couldn't keep his hands off me here we are 6 months later and I went have sex once a day usually in the morning before he goes to work. Some reason we got on the topic of masturbation and db me asked if he has masturbated since we got together he said I got very insecure and worried I asked why when I'm here and ready to go all the time any place I want him like crazy he said well it's when your not home and its only been a few times. I then asked is that why we only have sex once a day he said no its due to my ED and my labido ive been asking what's going on he always just said he was tired is it wrong of me to be worried this whole time I thought he didn't find me attractive any more. So I guess my question is if your a happy man and get srx whenever you want is it still normal to masterbate or is there another reason.


What I want to know is, if you and your man are having sex 3 to 4 times a day, how does he find the time and energy to masturbate?


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

That was my question , hr laughed and asked why is it such a big deal well when we went from several times a day to once I noticed and it made me think he just isn't interested in me any more and when I said tjst he got mad and walked away


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Sex three times a day? Do neither of you work?


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

We both have full jobs , once in the morning,lunch time and when we would get home or twice after we got home


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

We both have full jobs , once in the morning,lunch time and when we would get home or twice after we got home


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

babydean78 said:


> Yeah sounds about right we get up for work at 5:30 and he is all over me.but when I come home or send him sexy pics from work he is just not into it. I'm starting to feel very unattractive or that there might be someone else I barely hear from all day and its only because I message him yet from the moment he is up here is on fb and messenger.





babydean78 said:


> That was my question , hr laughed and asked why is it such a big deal well when we went from several times a day to once I noticed and it made me think he just isn't interested in me any more and when I said tjst he got mad and walked away


Don't let any comments on here make you feel bad...just take what helps you and ignore the rest!

As for your situation, I think most guys masturbate because they can. They have a biological need to do that, so it's NOT any sign that he is losing his attraction or desire for you. He might also like the variety of orgasming with you and then without you the next time. In a loving relationship, that is NO problem and very normal!

Early in every relationship, there is a high excitement to be together and be sexual...but it's also very natural and healthy when things calm down, and that's what it sounds like is happening for both of you now. That's a great sign that you have more than just sexual attraction that connects you, so don't be threatened by it, embrace it and be happy!!!

And there are times that things could pick back up again too! Healthy, loving relationships change and grow with the people in them, so you need to be able to go with it and not be threatened when things change, as long as love is there.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Well lady, welcome to over analyze this!!! Hahahaha look, as a man I can tell you I have no idea why when me and my lady had sex several times a day, I'd still go after myself sometimes. Kinda just did? It's definitely not the lady. Just guys for some reason do that. Not all, but probably quite a few though your man is a lucky dude! Don't worry about it. Could be maybe he has fantasies about the 2 of you and just isn't emotionally comfortable in the relationship to share them yet? Heck get him to let ya "peek" when he does it, kinda make it part of your intimate life!


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

babydean78 said:


> Yeah sounds about right we get up for work at 5:30 and he is all over me.but when I come home or send him sexy pics from work he is just not into it. I'm starting to feel very unattractive or that there might be someone else I barely hear from all day and its only because I message him yet from the moment he is up here is on fb and messenger.


Ok, so men's peak testosterone levels are in the early part of the day and women's are in the afternoons. At least that's what the drs say. So just get him rested, fed and bathed then start playing and let it happen.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Yeah he won't let me even though I would love to watch him, I've asked to watch me masterbate and the join in but he won't. I'm worried what happened is I held back little then about a month after he moved in I opened up and let my freak side out a bit and I feel like things changed he is all talk and do do, and he hasn't done a lot of things I want or let me give him a BH while he is driving he won't let me get weird about it I love him so much and all think about is getting home just get a kiss and feel his hand just rub my leg while we are watching TV or whatever but he says I'm not an emotional kind if guy I'm sorry. He told me I need yo not be so fragile


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

So I get it. It's hard to be patient when you're not getting it. It's you, but not you? He's a bit lost what to think probably because he got what he and so many men fantasize about! A hot woman!!! Now he's got it and not sure what to do and it is intimidating to his manliness! Relax and slow down a bit with him. Work with his mind and heart some. He'll come around or he won't.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

babydean78 said:


> That was my question , hr laughed and asked why is it such a big deal well when we went from several times a day to once I noticed and it made me think he just isn't interested in me any more and when I said tjst he got mad and walked away


Several times a day is or was the normal?


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Several times a day was normal for us and we messaged SLM day he moved in and it all stopped


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> So I guess my question is if your a happy man and get srx whenever you want is it still normal to masterbate or is there another reason.


What is “normal” is person specific. The only times for me were when wife wasnt available. Ill or recovering from childbirth or I was away on business trip. 

You mentioned ED. Is that what he has? Has your high drive gotten him afraid he cant keep with you?


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

He does have ED and he takes stuff to help and yes he has said he is worried about that, and that I wear him out. I have been very understanding about it all I've backed off let him be the one that initial having sex but it seems like he just isn't interested and if I come on to him he says I'm tired.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

SCDad01 said:


> Sex three times a day? Do neither of you work?


It doesnt have to take hours out of a person’s day. Maybe 15-45 minutes per encounter? A quicky can be 5 minutes. So at most, 2-3 three hours out of a day. Lotta people watch the damned tube more time than that!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> He does have ED and he takes stuff to help and yes he has said he is worried about that, and that I wear him out. I have been very understanding about it all I've backed off let him be the one that initial having sex but it seems like he just isn't interested and if I come on to him he says I'm tired.


This is going to seem crazy, but doing himself he only has himself to please. Doing you he has to perform. I don’t buy him being toi tired cuz if he was then he wouldn’t be doing himself. The need to perform is causing some anxiety imo.

Would he let you take total control? Would you be willing to do that? Tell him to just relax and enjoy. What would happen if you undressed him, worked to arouse him, and took the superior position?

BTW, him not wanting you to do him while is driving is understandable. I drew line on that when wife n I dating, was afraid of having a wreck. There was a “joke” about that back in the day


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

He has let me take control but I could feel his body tense and almost like he was embarrassed and I was very soft and loving and made it all about him and he just looked away and said I can't meaning he couldn't get an erection, it was really hard not to think it was me but after just laying on his chest he became aroused. I'm just trying to understand all this and ED and do feel bad because I have a high freaky sex drive


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

He maybe doesn't know how to handle an enthusiastic female. Do you know his history before you? Are you GF/BF or married? 

My only partner ever is ny wife. And she responds but has never been aggressive sexually. I can imagine that might be a little scary to an inexperienced.

Like someone else wrote, many men think an aggressive woman would be heavenly, if they actually encountered one they wouldn’t know how to handle it.

Before he moved in with you, he controlled when an how often he had to perform. Now he moved in and he is maybe wondering “how many times is she expecting it today?” So performance anxiety ED. If he is under forty he shouldn't be needing ED meds.

BTW, a lot of men have refractory times as long as 24 hours. So for them PIV 3 times a day is a physical impossibility. Now if you are ok with oral and toys, he should have no problem either.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

He just got divorced about a year ago and he said it was very basically and then was not at all he dated a girl before and he said the sex was good but he had to take his him pills. He doesn't always have to take them with me that's why I get worried its me,I'm trying to be very supportive. I'm open to toys he isn't sure never been with anyone who used one and he is awesome at oral and I love returning the favor in fact I'm ok with just giving him a bj and falling asleep together but he said after he started having issues in his marriage and ed and the pulls he can't ejaculate from a bj which is a blow to my ego , and I know selfish of me to think that but I'm still a loss


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> He just got divorced about a year ago and he said it was very basically and then was not at all he dated a girl before and he said the sex was good but he had to take his him pills. He doesn't always have to take them with me that's why I get worried its me,I'm trying to be very supportive. I'm open to toys he isn't sure never been with anyone who used one and he is awesome at oral and I love returning the favor in fact I'm ok with just giving him a bj and falling asleep together but he said after he started having issues in his marriage and ed and the pulls he can't ejaculate from a bj which is a blow to my ego , and I know selfish of me to think that but I'm still a loss


Ok, so his needing pills isnt you. He needed them before you. So you going to have to train him about toys. If he good at going down on you, seems all is good. He can satisfy you when he isnt ready for penetration. Just mix things up. Sounds like you can teach him a thing or three.

How about just going with the flow and stop stressing about how every little thing is him not into you anymore. If you are less anxious, he will be less anxious.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Because almost EVERYONE masturbates. It's normal and natural and it's HIS OWN BODY. If you're going to start dictating to him what he can and cannot do BY HIMSELF with HIS OWN BODY then get ready for a divorce because that's abuse.
Most abuse stems from insecurity or shame.
You seem like incredibly hard work. Your insecurity is YOUR problem, try not to make it his.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Ok, so his needing pills isnt you. He needed them before you. So you going to have to train him about toys. If he good at going down on you, seems all is good. He can satisfy you when he isnt ready for penetration. Just mix things up. Sounds like you can teach him a thing or three.
> 
> How about just going with the flow and stop stressing about how every little thing is him not into you anymore. If you are less anxious, he will be less anxious.


I am an extremely over thinner and I feel bad because I know its not fair to him, just my last relationship if 11 years he cheated he couldn't get it up started getting testosterone injection worked slippery the walked out on me when I seen the texts from a girl we work with she made it very clear to me he now has no problem getting it up so I do get anxiety and worried. But thank you for your advice I'm gonna try and relax and just go with it.


DamianDamian said:


> Because almost EVERYONE masturbates. It's normal and natural and it's HIS OWN BODY. If you're going to start dictating to him what he can and cannot do BY HIMSELF with HIS OWN BODY then get ready for a divorce because that's abuse.
> Most abuse stems from insecurity or shame.
> You seem like incredibly hard work. Your insecurity is YOUR problem, try not to make it his.


Omg just stop you don't even know the whole story or me I have never told him what he can and can't do I'm not that kind if women do back the hell off


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It’s possible that the two of you aren’t completely compatible in that area. Can you continue if you aren’t?


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

We ate compatable i just need to educate my self with ED our sex and love making us off the hook


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> testosterone injection worked slippery the walked out on me when I seen the texts from a girl we work with she made it very clear to me


just on a side note don't mind what that other girl is saying , she more than likely is making that up


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Who knows but we a work together so yes i have some issues but we all do.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> It doesnt have to take hours out of a person’s day. Maybe 15-45 minutes per encounter? A quicky can be 5 minutes. So at most, 2-3 three hours out of a day. Lotta people watch the damned tube more time than that!


yeah but it does seem like all they did is work and F. Maybe something else is going on


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Thank you its not like we are having sex for hours at a time


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

babydean78 said:


> Thank you its not like we are having sex for hours at a time


Did you used to?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

wmn1 said:


> yeah but it does seem like all they did is work and F. Maybe something else is going on


What else is there (lol)? Can't think of a better way to spend time than romance. Better than watching TV or playing video games. Some people spend 8 hours a day on those activities. 

Besides, my impression is they are BF/GF, young, she hasn't gotten bored with him (yet). Sounds like he has the necessary skill set to keep the fires burning. He just needs to catch up with her libido, sounds like she has the skill set to facilitate "training" him properly.

So efn is kinda their favorite hobby, not a thing wrong with that IMO.

It is refreshing to read a thread by an enthusiastic female, as contrasted by males with long time wives who lambast their husbands for wanting intimacy. If OP can bury her insecurities, their relationship can only get better IMO.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Not for hours no but three times a day yes in the morning for work for about and hour the a quickly sat lunch the about an hour after we got home from or when we went to bed


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> Not for hours no but three times a day yes in the morning for work for about and hour the a quickly sat lunch the about an hour after we got home from or when we went to bed


Sounds like a good schedule to me, and nothing at all "unusual" IMO. We are very old married couple with similar schedule. Retired and don't have to go to work, home with one another 24x7. So....


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I am assuming you are a young couple. My first husband and I would have sex several times a day and weekends before kids came along were spent in bed having sex. When kids came into the picture it cut down on the frequency but we were still plenty active. He viewed porn but it did not stop anything between us. However, I do think he got bored with time and he wanted to add a partner which I refused to do. At that oint he started cheating. It wasn't that we had stopped having sex, I think he wanted a variety.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> What else is there (lol)? Can't think of a better way to spend time than romance. Better than watching TV or playing video games. Some people spend 8 hours a day on those activities.
> 
> Besides, my impression is they are BF/GF, young, she hasn't gotten bored with him (yet). Sounds like he has the necessary skill set to keep the fires burning. He just needs to catch up with her libido, sounds like she has the skill set to facilitate "training" him properly.
> 
> ...


I agree my insecurities are an issue in our relationship I worry about other stuff , so as soon as he gets to work at 5:45 am he is on fb and messenger all day and anytime we aren't in the bedroom its fb and messenger and he is very private with his phone and won't say who he is talking to phone is always face down. I feel I'm reading more into it due to my ex cheated on me and I found out by phone bill.am I reading more into it?


AVR1962 said:


> I am assuming you are a young couple. My first husband and I would have sex several times a day and weekends before kids came along were spent in bed having sex. When kids came into the picture it cut down on the frequency but we were still plenty active. He viewed porn but it did not stop anything between us. However, I do think he got bored with time and he wanted to add a partner which I refused to do. At that oint he started cheating. It wasn't that we had stopped having sex, I think he wanted a variety.


In 43 years is 47 weeks still have sex everyday and my kids are grown and we still have sex when his kids come to visit and I'm the more experienced and open one I am will to watch porn with him he doesn't want another person with us in the bedroom I asked although I would want to share him but he doesn't want to be with someone else us what he says, I'm realizing its not so much about the masturbation I think I need to learn and understand more about ED and exactly what it affects besides the obvious.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

babydean78 said:


> I agree my insecurities are an issue in our relationship I worry about other stuff , so as soon as he gets to work at 5:45 am he is on fb and messenger all day and anytime we aren't in the bedroom its fb and messenger and he is very private with his phone and won't say who he is talking to phone is always face down. I feel I'm reading more into it due to my ex cheated on me and I found out by phone bill.am I reading more into it?
> 
> In 43 years is 47 weeks still have sex everyday and my kids are grown and we still have sex when his kids come to visit and I'm the more experienced and open one I am will to watch porn with him he doesn't want another person with us in the bedroom I asked although I would want to share him but he doesn't want to be with someone else us what he says, I'm realizing its not so much about the masturbation I think I need to learn and understand more about ED and exactly what it affects besides the obvious.


Many reasons for ED including meds, blocked arteries, smoking, weight issues, porn addiction


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

He does take stuff for high blood pressure and water pills he isn't over weight like I said I need to do research so I I can understand more. I love him with all of me and realize that I was being insecure. I am very understanding of his ED and I was dumb to worry about the masturbation he said its not very often and we still have amazing sex once a day I was dumb to complain.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> He does take stuff for high blood pressure and water pills


Both of these have ED as side effect. Some BP meds are worse tgan others. If he tells his doctor that he needs to avoid ED the doctor can try a different med.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

babydean78 said:


> so as soon as he gets to work at 5:45 am he is on fb and messenger all day and anytime we aren't in the bedroom its fb and messenger and he is very private with his phone and won't say who he is talking to phone is always face down.


I gather you are NOT married? If correct, his business is his.

If you ARE this phone guarding is IMO not appropriate. IMO A married couple are ONE. IMO No secrets. (Others here on TAM will disagree, I have an antique view about marriage).

Because people with nothing to hide hide nothing. Wife n I have three smart phones, two tablets, two computers. We use them interchangeably. Hide nothing from one another.


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## babydean78 (4 mo ago)

We live together and his kids are very involved with as I am the so it is my business and I don't guard his phone we have department phone bills do back off. If you live together and you both have kids involved then it is each others business


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

People masturbate because they want to. Men and women are humans who masturbate. Sometimes people prefer masturbating, and solo sex regardless of having a partner or not.


Some people last longer performing sexually by masturbating.


Change is inevitable. People change. Maybe he just doesn't want sex all the time anymore. Not everyone wants to or can remain as sexually active as they once were. 

Sex because "old news" and the novelty wears off eventually. Sex often lessens and for some people it becomes "chore like" as we age. 

As we age, some people lose interest in sex . .....


Or perhaps sex with the same person (if they are truly faithful and committed) 


One person will never be enough for alot of people. .



Either he's just not as interested in sex as he once was, or he's cheating and is absolutely depleted and exhausted by the time he gets to you.




Also, maybe it would be beneficial to work on your self esteem issues and insecurities in therapy.


No matter if he was plowing you 5 times a day, he can't make you feel what you don't about yourself


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