# Found out my wife was cheating



## Kiloman76 (May 8, 2013)

So this pretty much sucks, about a month and a 1/2 ago I found a bunch of texts and naked photos of my wife from the waste up. All of them were very explicit and basically was phone sex. I confronted my wife and at first she wouldn't even respond, I'm pretty sure she was having a heart attack at this point. She owned up to it and said it was texting only, no physical contact. Right away she said she would end it with him and she left bed me and wanted to work it out. In her words "Please let me fix us". We have been working on our marriage for a little while now and things are definitely better than before, but I can't shake the feeling that she is not telling me everything and she seems to still be a little sneaky about what apps she puts on her phone and lately she has been using her an browser in private mode on her phone. It makes me think she's hiding by something, but when I ask she immediately tells me what she is doing. It's so weird, she's not doing my anything inappropriate and she's always willing to show me, but it seems like she just can't share everything with me. Keep be if like a rebellious teenager. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm no longer able to focus on our relationship but rather I'm focused on catching her in the act again. The problem is, it seems like she's either really good at hiding it, or she's not do my anything. How do I shift my focus to things that really deserve my attention like my children.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

To whom was she sending the pics?

If the guy is local, you'd better believe they've been banging.

What kind of phone does she use?

What sorts of messaging apps has she installed on her phone? Check her App Store downloads for a complete list, including anything that she may have installed and subsequently deleted.

What kind of phone do you use?


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## Kiloman76 (May 8, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> To whom was she sending the pics?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Who was it?

How long?

Is he married?

What do you know?

Spill everything.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Kiloman76 said:


> She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.


She's lying.

They've been banging.

She gives you his name or you file first thing Monday morning.

Anything less is a half measure and won't work.

Seriously, man, how in the **** are you supposed to deal with a threat if you don't fully understand it.

**** "just trusting her". It's time for some transparency.

Time to balls up.

ETA: Read a bit of your first thread a few minutes ago. You've likely been living a lie for a few years now.


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## Kiloman76 (May 8, 2013)

Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it. 


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Kiloman76 said:


> Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. *I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it. *
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


There is no such thing as privacy to cheat in a marriage. Cmon man!!!!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You need to demand she tell you who this guy is. If not, you file for D. 

With her working with the guy, I'm sorry to say but they have been banging like rabbits. Almost always, the woman send nude pics after they have already started having sex. It is sent as a way to hold the OM over until he can have her again. 

With the OM being much older than her, he would be so hungry for her, which feeds her ego. The amount of threads I've read of WWs that get totally wanton with men they admit were way less attractive than their BH would blow your mind. They are addicted to the attention. He tells her how hot she is and other corny lines, and she rewards him with porn level sex.

How has your sex life and affection levels been? Has she been cutting you off or giving you cold duty sex? Does she avoid making out with you?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Kiloman76 said:


> She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. *She won't tell me his name.* I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


She has an affair and won't tell you his name? WTH is wrong with this picture? You have zero respect for yourself. Get some!!!

You have his number look it up. There are ways to get that info. Then inform his wife without warning.

You don't need anymore proof. If they have contact the affair doesn't stop and its sexual.

Chester lie a lot in case you didn't know. The big problem is you have zero control over your life. She's cheating and you're worried you might make her mad.

I got news for you sport. Unless you can own and set boundaries for yourself you will continue to get walked on.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Kiloman76 said:


> She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. *She won't tell me his name.* I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


She has an affair and won't tell you his name? WTH is wrong with this picture? You have zero respect for yourself. Get some!!!

You have his number look it up. There are ways to get that info. Then inform his wife without warning.

You don't need anymore proof. If they have contact the affair doesn't stop and its sexual.

Chester lie a lot in case you didn't know. The big problem is you have zero control over your life. She's cheating and you're worried you might make her mad.

I got news for you sport. Unless you can own and set boundaries for yourself you will continue to get walked on. Quit being played for a fool.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Also with them working with each other, they don't have to communicate through the phone. They have company IM and email. Besides once an affair gets off the ground, it goes into auto-pilot mode, where they both know what time it is. There is less maintenance needed by OM. Your WW will do all the work for him.

What usually happens, is they hook up during lunch. If they're not going to a hotel, they'll go to an isolated part of a park and have sex in car or she'll give a blow job. Then they go back to work trying to be all incognito to keep co-workers in the dark.

You might be thinking no way. You don't know my wife, she would never do anything like have sex in a car. I bet you thought she would never send naked pics over the internet to a co-worker she's known for a few months either.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Well surprise!!! 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/73337-lost-lonely.html#post1707249


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## Kiloman76 (May 8, 2013)

jsmart said:


> You need to demand she tell you who this guy is. If not, you file for D.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> She has an affair and won't tell you his name? WTH is wrong with this picture? You have zero respect for yourself. Get some!!!
> 
> You have his number look it up. There are ways to get that info. Then inform his wife without warning.
> 
> ...


Just want to say you are doing God's work here man. I don't know where you find the strength, it gets really hard to post the same things over and over. 

OP you should listen to this man. We see a thread like this almost every week. You can't trust anything your wife says. It is almost always worse. It only stops when there is no contact and then not always. 

After you get there then you can decide whether you want to waste you life with someone who has no respect for you or your marriage or not. Until those things happen you should just assume that she is still cheating. They all do the same thing. I could right a post and predict your future 6 months right now because they all do the SAME thing. And depending on whether or not you choose to R I can predict the rest of your life, because basically everyone has the same results more or less. 

Here is the correct way to handle it as far as results would show. All these people ended up better off then the ones who were passive. Right now you are way too passive.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Kiloman76 said:


> I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



Well lets just jump to the chase, from the way you chose to deal with this which is exactly the same way you chose to deal with her issues before she cheated, you are in for a very hard rest of your life. I wish I could say different but she treats you terrible. No one should be willing to stay with someone who treats them so bad. Yet you stay, so basically it's on you at this point. Something i wrong with you that you need to address. 

As an outsider let me say your wife is just awful (to be nice). Her excuses are a joke. You would be better being alone. What are you teaching your kids by staying with such an awful person. What happened to you? Did you grow up in a broken home or something? Does she crap gold or something? Seriously why?

If you want to change your life start here.

Also this.

You can post here and we will try to encourage you like we do all the men like you but the truth is only you can help yourself.

One other thing, you say she could be lying but I don't thinks so. You have shown you have no ability to read your wife, AT ALL. Stop depending on an ability you don't have. Let me tell you, your wife is full of crap.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Kiloman76 said:


> *I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it.*
> 
> You aren't working through anything. She won't tell you who he is. All you are doing is rugs weeping and letting her have her way with no consequences.
> 
> ...


It's apparent your wife controls you and the marriage. You at this time have no backbone and are being played for a fool. I got news for you. Weakness is unnattractive and women will seak out stronger men. Mr Nice Guys get walked on. How are you liking it so far?

We're here to help but you have to get up and do it yourself. No one is going to fix this for you.

Read up. It's short and if you can apply it will help you to have a life you deserve. What you're going through no one deserves that.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

You only know the tip of the iceberg. The thing is with your lack of action you'll get more of this.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Kiloman76 said:


> I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


She is definitely lying and don't for a minute buy that line of nonsense about being ashamed to come to you for sex because she turned you down too much.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Kiloman76 said:


> *I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel.* But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. *I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to.* *Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues.* One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Without a confession that includes a timeline, and what they've done, how could you forgive her? You don't know what you're forgiving. 

She has to quit that job. Her working at country club, where this guy is a member, they can just pick it up when the smoke clears. 

I imagine he must be well off, confident, and high status. All those things are strong attractions to women. They may have had a sub/dom thing going. Getting a wife and mother to send naked pics through the internet requires some dominance. 

With you displaying so much weakness, this guy just has to come on to her in a bold fashion and she'll give in. Don't think just because she's no longer sexting that it's over. Women like to submit themselves to a powerful man. He won't have to give her much. Just servicing the guy will give her pleasure.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Talking which is all you're doing will get you nowhere. It's your actions that count.

Same with your wayward wife. Her words mean nothing because she can't be trusted. 

People can have sex in the back of his car or a dark corner in 10 minutes or less.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Right now you have given all the power in this marriage, instead of playing the man card demand she tells the guy is and exposing him, instead of telling her to take a polygraph, instead of exposing her to her family, your just going to bury your head....fine good luck...until the next she will cheat and trust me this is not a one off thing. At least get your self check out for std and tell to do the same.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

In a lot of affairs the husband is cut off from sex in order not to cheat on her other man.

Most women can't love two men at once. I suspect this is where you are. Just about all affair sex is unprotected. Better set up some STD tests.

This is a very typical affair. She's no special snowflake just another cheating wife.

The only thing extraordinary in this is the the large amount of rug sweeping and blind eyes by you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If you really want a chance at coming out of this take the phone or text number and find a name. Then expose without any warning. Consequences will help put you in a stronger light.

Do a hard 180 with your wife and move her out of your bedroom. Take off your wedding band, etc.

Go consult with a lawyer, etc. start taking some action but do it for yourself. Trying to manipulate her will get you nothing.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

So she rediscovered her sex drive and shared it with another man. But coincidentally, the day you found out about it, it turns out that she's been wanting sex with you all along. She just never happened to mention it. Right.

She's treated you disrespectfully for years, each time testing to see just how much you'll take. And you always took it, which caused her disrespect you even more and lose sexual interest in you. 

She's indirectly asking you to assert yourself, lay down the law, and take control of the situation. File for divorce asap. You can stop the process at any point if she shows adequate remorse. Step 1 is her giving you all information about the other man. Buy a DNA testing kit and let her see you running the test on your kids. Yes, they're probably yours, but she needs to see the full ramifications of broken trust. 

But honestly, she sounds so messed up that you'd be better off with a different woman.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

First thing is that cheaters will never tell you the whole truth. It does them no good to throw fuel on the fire. She is going to tell you as little as possible and minimise the relationship. Second thing is that you will have to live being suspicious of her for a very long time. She may grow to resent that and feel it gives her license to keep on cheating if she is not doing so already. 

Always remember that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior which is why they say cheaters will always cheat again. The reason she cheated is still there and she only seems to know one fix for her problem. Many women cheat because they are taken for granted. Their husbands do not make them feel sex and desirable. Sex is routine and boring. With a new man they once again feel like hot sexy women. I just kissed my wife goodnight and pulled her blouse off and played with her while pressing against her to show her how she is affecting me. I was telling her how hot she is and how much she turns me on. I do this or similar every night. During the day if she is cleaning something at the sink, I will kiss the back of her neck and tell her that I love the way she smells and how horny she makes me. I am always telling her how sexy she looks in whatever she is wearing. She likes it. She giggles and feels like she did when we were first dating. 

We are married 44 years, my wife is 64 and she feels sexy and desirable. She has no need for someone else to make her feel this way. So think about this in your marriage, especially when children are involved and attention turns away from the two of you and goes to the children. Women want to recapture the passion and desire that existed during the courtship phase. The problem first appears once the romantic stage, the one after courtship, fades away. No more does your brain release feel good chemical when you merely think of each other. No more being blinded of each other's faults. It is a time when married couples have to figure out if they want to spend the rest of their lives together. With children that is more difficult because most want to stay together for the sake of the kids. Women who cheat like having a safety net at home. They have it all. A husband for all the relationships stuff and a lover for the fun and games. I have been on both sides of that coin several times and know a little about it.

Your wife should be making an effort to not be secretive given the circumstances but if she is still cheating, she will continue to be guarded. My wife and I have full access to all electronic devices owned by both of us. There is nothing to hide so why act as if there is? One more interesting psychological tidbit. Some women become addicted to their new lover and will continue with them even after being caught and knowing the consequences if caught again. I had a married woman who wore no wedding ring, did not have any ring marks on her finger and never mentioned a husband, interested in me. We messed around a little but no intercourse. One night a man knocks on my car window when we were making out in the back seat of my car. It was her husband. I calmed him down and she wanted to go home with him. I asked her if she was OK and she said that she will explain and will also take care of her husband. She called me the next day to meet her in a motel. I asked about her husband and she said she promised him it was over and she has cheated and been caught before and knows that her husband is afraid of divorcing. I turned her down and she started stalking me. She showed up at places where I was. I came home to find roses on my door step. Late night calls to wish me goodnight, letters sent to my workplace where my secretary opened my mail and a nude picture of this woman fell out. On the back of that picture was a list of all the things she wanted to do to me. My secretary apologized but it was her job to screen my mail and could not fault her. I had to move to get away from her.

So you have to decide if you can live with knots in your stomach every time she is not with you or does things that look suspicious. You cannot just train yourself to think otherwise. She has lied and deceived you. She has broken a vow of monogamy. In my book there is little difference in phone sex with nude pictures and actually being together. The intent and deception is the same regardless. I cut loose an ex fiancee and a girlfriend who cheated. I could not live with someone who I was suspicious of all the time. Good think too because they both went on to cheat on their husbands. Many say that they stay married for the sake of the children but all you are doing is grasping at any reason not to go through a messy and expensive divorce. Half of today's kids come from divorced homes. It is not big deal anymore. The danger in staying together is that your children will grow up and develop their view of marriage and how to treat someone you love from their parents and staying together with a cheating mother and suspicious father will do more harm than good to your kids.. Think about it.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Kiloman, I know you feel like you are being beat up here, but most of the people here giving you advice have been exactly where you are now. They want to help you move forward as best as possible. 

The mere fact that she won't tell you the OMs name tells you she cares more about him than you. Sorry you are going thru this awful ordeal.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Kiloman76 said:


> Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it.


And yet you don't know his name.

Look man, a devious intent tends to inspire a certain level of ingenuity.

To paraphrase Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Ian Malcolm...

"Cheaters find a way."


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Thound said:


> Kiloman, I know you feel like you are being beat up here, but most of the people here giving you advice have been exactly where you are now. They want to help you move forward as best as possible.
> 
> *The mere fact that she won't tell you the OMs name tells you she cares more about him than you. Sorry you are* going thru this awful ordered l.


This. QFT


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

At least you have pretty much summed up the answer that she does indeed have a burner phone.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Kiloman76 said:


> I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Um, do you truly believe this?

For real?

For real for real?!?


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Kiloman76 said:


> She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it.


Why do you allow yourself to believe you have to "prove it?" You know the truth already. YOU KNOW IT. You said so several times before this thread hit the third page. She won't tell you his name! What does that tell you? 

This is a common behavior we see in so many betrayed spouses (myself included). So many times we KNOW our spouse is boinking another, yet we dilly dally around agonizing over polygraphs, gathering proof, and a zillion other things which is just dancing around the real issue. So many betrayed spouses ignore the elephant in the room so they can agonize over all the minutia and side shows of the betrayal. I propose you just skip all the crap and cut to the heart of the matter. 

Keep it simple as possible. 

1. Do you know if spouse in unfaithful. Yes, or no. No need to get bogged down in trivia. Is it yes or is it no? Face the truth. If you already know the truth, then why mess around gathering more proof? 

2. If yes, how will you respond? Divorce is almost always the correct answer. Divorce, or reconciliation? Answer the question. It's either one or the other? To choose the grey area in between is to sentence yourself to limbo hell. 

3. If it it's divorce then you better get a lawyer and have the papers served asap. Try to simplify and focus on the core issues instead of getting sucked into peripheral stuff that may be more irrelevant than you think. Good luck.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

What are you going to do with that bridge 🌉 you are buying from her?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Kiloman76 said:


> I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. *Our sex life has been not good for a long time*, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


I dunno, sounds like her sex life has been pretty great.

For as long as you accept her lies, you're settling for less than you deserve, and you'll never have any sort of meaningful reconciliation.

Oh, and she'll keep cheating.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kiloman76 said:


> Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


By investigating her phone etc you are basically protecting what is yours. A fox has got into the hen house, are you going to protect the hen house or let the fox do what he likes just because you feel guilty? Man up!
She has lost the privilege of privacy when she decided to step outside the marriage, you have every right to do all in your power to find out exactly what she is up to , with whom, when, where, etc? This is your life too we are talking about!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kiloman, your wife has treated you badly for years, you posted in 2013 about her. 
Please go see a lawyer, get the divorce papers and just walk up to her and say , these get filed if you don't spill your guts right now. Line up a polygraph too. Go and get tested for STDs, make her get tested for STDs. 

Be a man and stand up to her and show her you are taking no more of her BS, otherwise it is the door for her. Insist on a timeline, the name of the guy, (let his wife know too), a no contact letter, a letter to the golf club explaining that their staff members are fraternizing with club members (that should keep them busy) she must get a new job too.
You have the power, exercise it!

Finally, I suspect you will not do anything, you seem like a beta male and she has you whipped


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I just read your first thread back from 2013 and nothing is changed. Only now you know for sure she is cheating with some rich dude.

Now you need to restart your life and enjoy your time with kids and maybe find some nice woman who will bang you till you cant walk .

Ohh,make sure to expose them. Your wife and him made a hell of your life for so long and now it is your turn for some revenge. 

I also belive this is not the first time your wife cheated on you. 

Stay strong.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Dude don't be me!
Get out now! Or your life will be full of endless pain and questioning.
Expose. Expose. Expose.
you are "At the Mountains of Madness"


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

I will go out on a limb and say this is not her first, just the first you caught


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Kiloman76 said:


> I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. *Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it.* I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. *One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. * She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


OK, first part -- showing your kids that in a marriage it's ok to get walked on and cheated on DOES NOT HELP THEM AT ALL.

The second part is complete BS. She's ashamed to come to you but not ashamed to send nude pics/bang another guy! Seriously, you believe that logic???

She isn't giving you the truth about any of this -- she needs to come 100% clean or there is NO POINT in this and you really need to consider D. Very sorry that you are in this position, but you need to do what is best for YOU and your kids, NOT HER.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Don't consider divorce. Do it. 

ARE YOU HAPPY? Well ok you ever be happy with a serial cheater?

Your sex life is not that great, based on your own words. What then, is so damned attractive about her that you can't give her up in spite of her lying, cheating, manipulative, trashy(nude pics and sleeping with married men) ways????????

I have experienced a few women in 44 years. I'll bet you will be astonished when you find a woman that is so much better in bed than your wife. You'll wonder how you tolerated her. When she thinks of your feelings and tries to make YOUR life better, you will probably have a "Fred Sanford".

Dude, your life with this woman just isn't that great. You can have a better life with a better woman. And as much as your wife likes to play, you'll get your kids PLENTY!!!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm only surprised that reading you first post from several years ago no doubt me at that time seemed to give you a heads up about her cheating then. 

The question is who was she banging then, the same guy or a different one (ones)? 

Reread what you have written. Not one person here believes anything she says. Not only that, neither do you.

If you don't have it in you to dump her, at least find a friend with benefits. Your the only one not getting any.

How are you doing with your illness? What condition are you in?

Good luck to you and your kids? Protect yourself and them from the karma bus heading your wife's way.

Divide up your joint accounts and change you insurance policys to only go to your kids through some other route than your (cough) wife.


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## jetpilot37 (Jan 12, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> First thing is that cheaters will never tell you the whole truth. It does them no good to throw fuel on the fire. She is going to tell you as little as possible and minimise the relationship. Second thing is that you will have to live being suspicious of her for a very long time. She may grow to resent that and feel it gives her license to keep on cheating if she is not doing so already.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




As someone who recently went through all of this BS with my ***** of a wife, this is one of the best post I've read on here explaining the BIG picture. Just my two cents worth. Good stuff. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

I've read a number of posts about "demanding to know the guy's name, or else". 

Knowing the guy's name helps things little. Sure, you might be able to get the guy in trouble with his wife or significant other, but damaging him doesn't erase the fact that your wife chose, of her own volition, to cheat on you. Furthermore, making divorce conditional on her giving you this information is another mistake. Just do it. File for the divorce.

Whenever there's cheating in a marriage, I think divorce makes the most sense, even if there are kids. Consider that your relationship has been damaged beyond repair, in that now, you can't trust your wife. How could you ever trust her again?

Once a cheater, always a cheater. This problems gets bigger, the longer you let this marriage remain intact.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

You can reconcile if you want, you are in charge. However, here are a couple of things to think about. First for you to be able to forgive someone, they have to confess their transgression. If she is being less than honest or half truths, this goes to show that she is not truly contrite. Also you need to have access to all passwords to media and devices. Secondly, I get the impression that the answers that she is giving appears to be rewriting history to meet the situation. The statement of not coming to you for sex, since she had turned you down previously, doesn't make sense, except as a way to excuse her behavior. It seems she wants to sweep this under the rug and move on with life. If you don't get the answers you need, it will come back to bite you in the end. Please go slow and take what she tells you with a grain of salt.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Kiloman76 said:


> He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name.


 The fact that she will not tell you his names speaks volumes about her wanting to keep the door open to cheating with him again.



Kiloman76 said:


> I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it.





Kiloman76 said:


> I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns.


 You do not need to prove that they had sex, or to get her to admit it, as you know enough already to know for a fact that she has lied, cheated (sending nude photos is cheating), and has gone to a hotel with the other man (OM) that she refuses to explain. The truth is there is only a 3% chance that the spouse will ever catch a cheater in the act of having sex, and only a 7% chance that the cheater will ever admit to it even when confronted with evidence (the 7% includes the 3% caught in the act). It is a fools errand to try to gather enough evidence to get the cheater to admit that they had sex, and the cheater knows this when they send you on this errand. But guess what, you do not have to do this errand if you do not want to. You have more proof than the vast majority of betrayed spouses ever will, so act on it already.



Kiloman76 said:


> One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is.


 She was "too ashamed to come" to you for sex because she had been tuning you down for so long, but was not to ashamed to break her marriage vows? This is the worst excuse for cheating that I have ever heard, and you believe this? BTW in saying that she turned you down for sex for so long to explain why she got if from the other man, isn't she admitting that she got sex from the OM?


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Kiloman76 said:


> .... *She certainly could be lying,* but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess....
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



Sorry, had to jump and just quote this. Your wife IS LYING for sure. 

Good luck.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

A lot of posters have said it or similar, but I just had to chime in with the following, and I really mean well.

1. You are already losing. You have said the words that easily deceived co-dependent BH's say. Just read threads across this board and any other. You said that you feel like you are invading her privacy for looking at her phone and therefore you feel bad. Your wife is cheating on you and you feel bad for checking the very device that she used to do it. Unless you change your mindset, your life is going to be more miserable than you can imagine.

2. She is lying to your face and all you can muster is, "she won't admit it" and "she can't explain the GPS". Seriously? The burden of proof is on her, and she is never going to prove it because she is lying to you. Own that and then let her know that you know and are convinced and that further denials are just insulting.

3. "for the sake of the kids".... Well, you just threw up the white flag. Stop hiding behind your kids. just own it and say, "I can't leave, let her go, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep her while she lies and cheats on me". Be honest with yourself. It is okay. Lots of BH's and BW's have done as you are doing. While it leads to more pain than you can imagine, and believe me, its worse than what you already have experienced. Why? Because now you know. Because now you hope and get it dashed. Because, now you look in the mirror every day and know that you are willing to take it over and over again no matter how much it hurts, and that is soul killing.

OTOH: FAke it till you make it. Even if you don't have the strength to follow thru: Tell her that her lies and her presence are no longer appreciated. That she can go and be with OM. That she can go and be alone. But no matter what, she can go. You will get over her. You guys will figure out how to co-parent your kids, like other divorced parent's have done, do, and will do. Let her know that lies, protecting the OM, sleeping with him, and all other forms of nastiness mean that you are going to cut her out of your life, except for matters concerning the kids. Then put her stuff in garbage bags and toss it into the living room and tell her that the bedroom is reserved for you, cause you are keeping the house and the kids.


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