# My boyfriend and his old crush?



## Poppykate

Hi. 
So my boyfriend of 4 months has recently been visiting his university (he graduated last year) and I found out that he was talking to the same girl he was in love or say had a serious crush on. They would have been couple had the term not ended and he wasn't graduating. This is the same girl he was obsessed with and was crazy about. 

This was mutual feelings situation and they both were head over heels into each other. But things did not work out as they met when the term ended and he was returning back to his home country. 

However, he moved back to the same city and has been going to his old university for left over work and I found out that the girl still studies there and on every time he went, they ENCOUNTERED each other. EVERY SINGLE TIME. 

Though they didn't speak until yesterday. I also found out that he basically told him everything about his current life. Like where he works, what is he doing etc. 
And he also didn't mention that he had a girlfriend when the girl sked her if he was free this week. He just said he has things to do. 

Tell me why would a guy who hasn't seen this girl in over 8 months, whom he was in love with, clearly remember her and even talk in a friendly manner? This is no random girl. Those two even attempted to go out but couldn't. And she is extremely beautiful , at least in his eyes. 

A friend of mine, who still studies there saw them and its bothering me so much.This friend of mine knew he liked her as she had caught him staring at her multiple times and even saw them have their first conversation last year.

My boyfriend is short tempered so I don't want to bug him but this is unacceptable. This is no regular girl but a girl he fell for rather hard. Why even attempt to talk to her and tell her everything even if she asked him? 

Why couldn't he just ignore her like he was doing? My friend mentioned that out of all printers, he chose the ones situated BESIDE HER to scan his documents. And they also looked at each other multiple times before they started chatting. 

Why even remember her? 
She never friendzoned him. She liked him in return. My friend said she would catch them literally eye ****ing each other and my boyfriend did much more than her. 
As far as I know, his temper got the worst of him that time as he didnt like her response to something he asked her. That was the reason why they never got together. He got mad with her. And there was no time to make up as he was leaving 4 days later.
Otherwise had she said what he wanted to hear, they would be together. 

I dont understand.. i also know that they were never friends and have this strange relationship but when they spoke 2 days ago, my friend did say it felt like they have known each other for a long time. He was SHARING stuff about himself.

He could have told her off but he didnt and it bugs me. I know he is not in contact with her nor has photos of her but why is this happening? She should have been history , done and forgotten but remembering ? 

Am I rebound?


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## Spoons027

I won't lie. You are quite possibly being used by him in some form to try and get over her, although it's not working with his apparent feelings for this girl. 

You've only been dating for 4 months. Run.


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## [email protected]

You are rebound. Sorry. Anyway, his temper should be one big red flag. You are already afraid of him, aren't you?


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## Poppykate

Spoons027 said:


> I won't lie. You are quite possibly being used by him in some form to try and get over her, although it's not working with his apparent feelings for this girl.
> 
> You've only been dating for 4 months. Run.


Wait what do you mean by apparent feelings for this girl? But he was never in contact with her so what is still making him hold on to her?


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## Poppykate

[email protected] said:


> You are rebound. Sorry. Anyway, his temper should be one big red flag. You are already afraid of him, aren't you?


But why is still having feelings for her? I honestly thought he would keep avoiding her but just like last year when they were both alone, they started talking and he could have cut her short or just avoided her but instead he told her everything. Why would he do it? And at one point I am told she asked about his hair (it used to be long and now he chopped it) and he said ots all gone and does it look bad and she was like no it looks great etc. What kind of **** is this?


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## Satya

Unrequited love.
Let him go. Playing the "pick me dance" is no way to live. You should think better of yourself and stop pressing your expected value system on him.

He's showing you exactly who he really is, so believe him.


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## Poppykate

Whats going on here??


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## Poppykate

Satya said:


> Unrequited love.
> Let him go. Playing the "pick me dance" is no way to live. You should think better of yourself and stop pressing your expected value system on him.
> 
> He's showing you exactly who he really is, so believe him.


Unrequited??


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## Poppykate

Satya said:


> Unrequited love.
> Let him go. Playing the "pick me dance" is no way to live. You should think better of yourself and stop pressing your expected value system on him.
> 
> He's showing you exactly who he really is, so believe him.


So you mean he still likes or loves her? But how is it even possible? There werent in contact. He should have forgotten her face and stuff but.


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## tom72

Poppykate said:


> So you mean he still likes or loves her? But how is it even possible? There werent in contact. He should have forgotten her face and stuff but.


Some feelings just don't go away. Obviously has something for her

4 months in and your having this issue already. Run


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## Satya

Poppykate said:


> So you mean he still likes or loves her? But how is it even possible? There werent in contact. He should have forgotten her face and stuff but.


He wants what he can't have. Or couldn't have.

It's pretty common.


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## FalCod

You can do better. Leave him.


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## Married but Happy

Poppykate said:


> Whats going on here??


He can't forget her or let go of her, if there is any chance they can get back together. Just as you can't let go of him, apparently, when it's clear he's more into her than you. He may settle for you, for a while, but you'll always be second choice. Until he's completely let go of the past, he can't move cleanly into the future.


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## Pantone429c

Poppykate said:


> Wait what do you mean by apparent feelings for this girl? But he was never in contact with her so what is still making him hold on to her?




Memories of his past are keeping him from moving forward. It isn’t necessarily this girl but the feeling he experienced when he was with her....is it possible she was his first true love?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Poppykate

Is that the reason why he prefers talking to her when they are alone or when there aren't people who know him around? Both times they spoke 1 on 1 ..


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## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> So you mean he still likes or loves her? But how is it even possible? There werent in contact. He should have forgotten her face and stuff but.


Forgotten her? In a few months? That's not how things work.

I still remember my first LTR girlfriend with fondness and some love and we finished 37 years ago! And we haven't seen each other since that day.

He is not over her and you should consider your options. I'm sorry, but you should.

And he allowed his rage to mess up his relationship with her and you are fearful of his rages?

Oh, what a fun relationship you will have with Mr Angry. (Actually, you will not, so it's time to end this relationship now.)


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## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> So you mean he still likes or loves her? But how is it even possible? There werent in contact. He should have forgotten her face and stuff but.
> 
> 
> 
> Forgotten her? In a few months? That's not how things work.
> 
> I still remember my first LTR girlfriend with fondness and some love and we finished 37 years ago! And we haven't seen each other since that day.
> 
> He is not over her and you should consider your options. I'm sorry, but you should.
> 
> And he allowed his rage to mess up his relationship with her and you are fearful of his rages?
> 
> Oh, what a fun relationship you will have with Mr Angry. (Actually, you will not, so it's time to end this relationship now.)
Click to expand...

What makes u think he still likes her? He wasnt talking to her until 2 days ago


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## tom72

Poppykate said:


> What makes u think he still likes her? He wasnt talking to her until 2 days ago


Because he kept talking to her.... if he didn't, he would avoid her and would've moved on


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## Poppykate

tom72 said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> What makes u think he still likes her? He wasnt talking to her until 2 days ago
> 
> 
> 
> Because he kept talking to her.... if he didn't, he would avoid her and would've moved on
Click to expand...

But today is valentines and he didnt go to uni. So doesnt that mean he doesnt care much for her?


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## Poppykate

But he wasnt really talking to her until 2 days ago. I wonder how he suddenly changed his mind. They both were by themselves and talked? 
And why is he still remembering her? What happened between them was in June and now its February. Today was Valentines but he didnt go to his old uni so does that mean he doesnt care for her?

And how is he seeking her out? As per my information that was given to me, I found the hair thing very bothering.
He used to have long hair and now hes cut it and she asked him about it and he was like yeah its all gone and does it look bad and she most likely he looks great and they basically smiled and laughed. This is a red flag or am i overreacting?


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## BobSimmons

Frankly I find it quite bizarre that one asks questions and paints a picture which in no doubt casts aspersions on her boyfriend, then spends the rest of the post answering each suggestion with a question or rebuttal.

This guy (through your words) is emotionally cheating. You have said as much, quite clearly.

The title: My boyfriend and his old crush(?) <---- How come there's a question mark, by your own words this girl is the love of his life and vice versa.

By your own words too and according to the friend you know, they've been meeting...

So what exactly is the question you need answering?


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## Poppykate

BobSimmons said:


> Frankly I find it quite bizarre that one asks questions and paints a picture which in no doubt casts aspersions on her boyfriend, then spends the rest of the post answering each suggestion with a question or rebuttal.
> 
> This guy (through your words) is emotionally cheating. You have said as much, quite clearly.
> 
> The title: My boyfriend and his old crush(?) <---- How come there's a question mark, by your own words this girl is the love of his life and vice versa.
> 
> By your own words too and according to the friend you know, they've been meeting...
> 
> So what exactly is the question you need answering?


I just want to know things clearly. They kept having run ins with each other whenever he went to uni and they only spoke 2 days ago.

But why are u saying she is the love of his life? 

And if he loves her so much then why is he with me?


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## Steve1000

Poppykate said:


> Am I rebound?


Why would you ever want to continue a young relationship with a man who is short-tempered? Who cares about the other girl who he obviously still has the hots for. Let her have him!


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## Magnesium

Poppykate said:


> I just want to know things clearly. They kept having run ins with each other whenever he went to uni and they only spoke 2 days ago.
> 
> But why are u saying she is the love of his life?
> 
> And if he loves her so much then why is he with me?



If you want answers, you need to ask HIM!

This is craziness...


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## notmyrealname4

You know perfectly well that your boyfriend isn't all that into you.

Just re-read your original post. You answered all your own questions.


He is with you and not her, because he doesn't want to be alone and you'll do in the meantime. Until he finds something better. You are what is known as a "placekeeper".

You are competing, if you will, with both a real life woman; and the longings your boyfriend had for a relationship with her.

She is both a past love, and the one that got away.

You don't have that mystique.

Respect yourself and leave this guy. I mean, you're even afraid of voicing your concerns because you don't want to trigger his nasty temper.

And, just like BobSimmons, I notice that you complain about your boyfriends behavior, then shoot down every supporting post you get telling you that this is a bad situation.

Your call. But you'd be crazy to stay and accept being a weak second place.

Run. Run. Run.


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## ReformedHubby

BobSimmons said:


> Frankly I find it quite bizarre that one asks questions and paints a picture which in no doubt casts aspersions on her boyfriend, then spends the rest of the post answering each suggestion with a question or rebuttal.
> 
> This guy (through your words) is emotionally cheating. You have said as much, quite clearly.
> 
> The title: My boyfriend and his old crush(?) <---- How come there's a question mark, by your own words this girl is the love of his life and vice versa.
> 
> By your own words too and according to the friend you know, they've been meeting...
> 
> So what exactly is the question you need answering?


I am not so sure the guy is even emotionally cheating. I think this is a bad case of limerance. She is obsessing over him, so the thought of him having a connection or being interested in anyone else is terrifying. But...at the same time because she is infatuated with him she will defend him tooth and nail. OP, in every relationship I think its important to not only like the person you're with, but to also like who you are when you're with them. I think you should get out of this relationship. Its unhealthy for you. All the worrying will only make you miserable. Find someone to be with where you will feel at peace. I can imagine that the person you keep asking for info is seeing how unhealthy all of this is for you.


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## Poppykate

ReformedHubby said:


> BobSimmons said:
> 
> 
> 
> Frankly I find it quite bizarre that one asks questions and paints a picture which in no doubt casts aspersions on her boyfriend, then spends the rest of the post answering each suggestion with a question or rebuttal.
> 
> This guy (through your words) is emotionally cheating. You have said as much, quite clearly.
> 
> The title: My boyfriend and his old crush(?) <---- How come there's a question mark, by your own words this girl is the love of his life and vice versa.
> 
> By your own words too and according to the friend you know, they've been meeting...
> 
> So what exactly is the question you need answering?
> 
> 
> 
> I am not so sure the guy is even emotionally cheating. I think this is a bad case of limerance. She is obsessing over him, so the thought of him having a connection or being interested in anyone else is terrifying. But...at the same time because she is infatuated with him she will defend him tooth and nail. OP, in every relationship I think its important to not only like the person you're with, but to also like who you are when you're with them. I think you should get out of this relationship. Its unhealthy for you. All the worrying will only make you miserable. Find someone to be with where you will feel at peace. I can imagine that the person you keep asking for info is seeing how unhealthy all of this is for you.
Click to expand...

You contradict yourself. You say he is not cheating then ask me to leave him?


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## Poppykate

notmyrealname4 said:


> You know perfectly well that your boyfriend isn't all that into you.
> 
> Just re-read your original post. You answered all your own questions.
> 
> 
> He is with you and not her, because he doesn't want to be alone and you'll do in the meantime. Until he finds something better. You are what is known as a "placekeeper".
> 
> You are competing, if you will, with both a real life woman; and the longings your boyfriend had for a relationship with her.
> 
> She is both a past love, and the one that got away.
> 
> You don't have that mystique.
> 
> Respect yourself and leave this guy. I mean, you're even afraid of voicing your concerns because you don't want to trigger his nasty temper.
> 
> And, just like BobSimmons, I notice that you complain about your boyfriends behavior, then shoot down every supporting post you get telling you that this is a bad situation.
> 
> Your call. But you'd be crazy to stay and accept being a weak second place.
> 
> Run. Run. Run.


Wait what do you mean by I dont have that mystique? 

And by being with me, it didnt help him get over her?


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## ReformedHubby

Poppykate said:


> You contradict yourself. You say he is not cheating then ask me to leave him?


I don't see it as contradictory. I'm not asking you to leave because he is cheating. I am asking you to leave because you're making yourself miserable by obsessing and I don't see that changing.


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## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> What makes u think he still likes her? He wasnt talking to her until 2 days ago


Because I still 'like' my old girlfriend and I haven't seen her in nearly 40 years.


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## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> What makes u think he still likes her? He wasnt talking to her until 2 days ago
> 
> 
> 
> Because I still 'like' my old girlfriend and I haven't seen her in nearly 40 years.
Click to expand...

But how is it even possible? And in your case she was ur gf. This girl would be his gf but they couldnt get together. Circumstance and his attitude. So that is different right? Coz he only has memories of them being into each other but it ended badly as he shut her off and thats it. So why?


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## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> I just want to know things clearly. They kept having run ins with each other whenever he went to uni and they only spoke 2 days ago.
> 
> But why are u saying she is the love of his life?
> 
> And if he loves her so much then why is he with me?


Because he loves both of you, perhaps?


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## Poppykate

ReformedHubby said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> You contradict yourself. You say he is not cheating then ask me to leave him?
> 
> 
> 
> I don't see it as contradictory. I'm not asking you to leave because he is cheating. I am asking you to leave because you're making yourself miserable by obsessing and I don't see that changing.
Click to expand...

I need a ground or valid reason to leave that is why I'm repeatedly asking about him and this girl.


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## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> But how is it even possible? And in your case she was ur gf. This girl would be his gf but they couldnt get together. Circumstance and his attitude. So that is different right? Coz he only has memories of them being into each other but it ended badly as he shut her off and thats it. So why?


My then girlfriend dumped me for a woman. Which I suppose does count as ending badly.

But I still have some fond feelings for her, even all these years later.


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## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> I just want to know things clearly. They kept having run ins with each other whenever he went to uni and they only spoke 2 days ago.
> 
> But why are u saying she is the love of his life?
> 
> And if he loves her so much then why is he with me?
> 
> 
> 
> Because he loves both of you, perhaps?
Click to expand...

Is it possible to love someone but have feelings for an old flame? How does this even happen? U


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## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> But how is it even possible? And in your case she was ur gf. This girl would be his gf but they couldnt get together. Circumstance and his attitude. So that is different right? Coz he only has memories of them being into each other but it ended badly as he shut her off and thats it. So why?
> 
> 
> 
> My then girlfriend dumped me for a woman. Which I suppose does count as ending badly.
> 
> But I still have some fond feelings for her, even all these years later.
Click to expand...

I alreasy stated . These girls are ur girlfriends. This girl was not.


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## notmyrealname4

Poppykate said:


> Wait what do you mean by I dont have that mystique?
> 
> And by being with me, it didnt help him get over her?





Poppykate said:


> Is it possible to love someone but have feelings for an old flame? How does this even happen? U




He never really had a relationship with this other girl. So he never saw her day after day after day; like he does with you. Hankering after someone, but not getting them; creates a mystique. Distance always increases desire.

He didn't get over her by being with you. It sounds like he is much more attracted to her. She is fantastic. You are satisfactory, for now.

Yes, people keep feelings for old flames; and get with somebody else. It's sad, but true.

You want to try to be with someone who sees YOU as fantastic. Not just merely okay.

You want a guy who may still remember his old girlfriend; but she doesn't even come close to what he feels for you. That's the ideal at least.


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## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> I alreasy stated . These girls are ur girlfriends. This girl was not.


I don't think there is a difference, at least not in this context.

It is possible to love two people st the same time. Though not very good as it can cause all sorts of problems.


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## tom72

I think you should reread this thread from the start and look at the responses


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## Mommame2

Poppykate said:


> I need a ground or valid reason to leave that is why I'm repeatedly asking about him and this girl.




Leave him for the short temper. That's reason enough. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## BobSimmons

Poppykate said:


> I just want to know things clearly. They kept having run ins with each other whenever he went to uni and they only spoke 2 days ago.
> 
> But why are u saying she is the love of his life?
> 
> And if he loves her so much then why is he with me?


I dunno, why not ask him? 

No one here knows him, all you're doing is getting a bunch of strangers to speculate off the outline you gave.

I was being wry with the love of his life stuff but you sure made it sound like she is.


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## Poppykate

BobSimmons said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> I just want to know things clearly. They kept having run ins with each other whenever he went to uni and they only spoke 2 days ago.
> 
> But why are u saying she is the love of his life?
> 
> And if he loves her so much then why is he with me?
> 
> 
> 
> I dunno, why not ask him?
> 
> No one here knows him, all you're doing is getting a bunch of strangers to speculate off the outline you gave.
> 
> I was being wry with the love of his life stuff but you sure made it sound like she is.
Click to expand...

If I could I would but he wont tell me.


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## Poppykate

notmyrealname4 said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Wait what do you mean by I dont have that mystique?
> 
> And by being with me, it didnt help him get over her?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Is it possible to love someone but have feelings for an old flame? How does this even happen? U
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> He never really had a relationship with this other girl. So he never saw her day after day after day; like he does with you. Hankering after someone, but not getting them; creates a mystique. Distance always increases desire.
> 
> He didn't get over her by being with you. It sounds like he is much more attracted to her. She is fantastic. You are satisfactory, for now.
> 
> Yes, people keep feelings for old flames; and get with somebody else. It's sad, but true.
> 
> You want to try to be with someone who sees YOU as fantastic. Not just merely okay.
> 
> You want a guy who may still remember his old girlfriend; but she doesn't even come close to what he feels for you. That's the ideal at least.
Click to expand...

So him talking to her proves that he still likes her? Was he looking for opportunity talk to her alone coz thats what he did. When he was all by himself, he just kept watching her and talked?


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## Poppykate

He spoke to her when he was alone. Exactly like he did last year. He kept watching her and when she saw him, she also did then initiated the comvo.

Was he just looking for the perfect oppprtunity to catch her alone and hoping she would talk? As he had messed up his relationship with her?


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## tom72

Poppykate said:


> He spoke to her when he was alone. Exactly like he did last year. He kept watching her and when she saw him, she also did then initiated the comvo.
> 
> Was he just looking for the perfect oppprtunity to catch her alone and hoping she would talk? As he had messed up his relationship with her?


Look, pretty much every poster on this thread have said the same thing but you keep trying to ask the same question but with different wording.

If he was over her, he wouldn't of spoken to her. He would've been done and ignored.

If he won't talk to you about the issue now, what does that tell you about future problems?

People will stop posting here shortly as your just ignoring their advice. Yes you don't want to hear it and believe it's not true, but your hearing from people that have been in this situation

Imo, if his temper flares up while you ask the questions, his guilty. He shouldn't make you feel this way. Seems like a passive aggressive guy to me. I use to act the same when busted and wanted to get the attention off me


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## Poppykate

tom72 said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> He spoke to her when he was alone. Exactly like he did last year. He kept watching her and when she saw him, she also did then initiated the comvo.
> 
> Was he just looking for the perfect oppprtunity to catch her alone and hoping she would talk? As he had messed up his relationship with her?
> 
> 
> 
> Look, pretty much every poster on this thread have said the same thing but you keep trying to ask the same question but with different wording.
> 
> If he was over her, he wouldn't of spoken to her. He would've been done and ignored.
> 
> If he won't talk to you about the issue now, what does that tell you about future problems?
> 
> People will stop posting here shortly as your just ignoring their advice. Yes you don't want to hear it and believe it's not true, but your hearing from people that have been in this situation
> 
> Imo, if his temper flares up while you ask the questions, his guilty. He shouldn't make you feel this way. Seems like a passive aggressive guy to me. I use to act the same when busted and wanted to get the attention off me
Click to expand...


Well pls answer this as well. If he still likes her so much then why does he not go to his old uni alot? He only goes there when he has to and yeah shes there and they had run ins but he couldnt or wouldnt talk to her.

He also didnt go to see her on valentines day and he still hasnt got in personal contact with her. 
And maybe he only talked to her coz she initiated it and he was just being nice? Or it was solely coz he knew he destroyed his relationship with her and felt she wouldnt speak to him?

I know i sound ignorant but i truly want to know :/ pls understand.


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## Satya

Poppy, we don't really know the answers to any of your questions. We are only speculating.

YOU need to decide a point where you will stop asking questions, because you are going to drive yourself insane.

Do you have anxiety?


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## Poppykate

Satya said:


> Poppy, we don't really know the answers to any of your questions. We are only speculating.
> 
> YOU need to decide a point where you will stop asking questions, because you are going to drive yourself insane.
> 
> Do you have anxiety?


But at least u can tell me from experience about this situation


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## Satya

Poppykate said:


> But at least u can tell me from experience about this situation


Why don't you answer my question first.


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## Poppykate

Satya said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> But at least u can tell me from experience about this situation
> 
> 
> 
> Why don't you answer my question first.
Click to expand...

I already answered before. I am not anxious. I need to know thats it. About this girl and my bf.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

Round and round and round we go!


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## Poppykate

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Round and round and round we go!


Instead of being sarcastic, you could give productive responses.


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## Poppykate

Also you keep saying he likes her even now but when she asked him if hes free this week he didnt say hes free. He said he has things to do so if he was so interested in her why didnt he join her? He understood she was not angry at him so why decline? Or did he just want space and think over her and his old memories and decide for her and does that mean I will be booted if he goes in her favor?


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## Roselyn

Poppykate, why are you asking questions to people here? You need to ask your boyfriend these questions. Are you afraid of what he will tell you? You are seeking validation from the wrong individuals. You need to get straight answers from your boyfriend.


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## Satya

Roselyn said:


> Poppykate, why are you asking questions to people here? You need to ask your boyfriend these questions. Are you afraid of what he will tell you? You are seeking validation from the wrong individuals. You need to get straight answers from your boyfriend.


Agreed.
And you need to not accept his excuses of ignoring you or blowing you off.

He either needs to answer your questions or you need to be done with him, because if he can't answer or won't answer then you have THE answer to EVERYTHING.


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## Poppykate

Roselyn said:


> Poppykate, why are you asking questions to people here? You need to ask your boyfriend these questions. Are you afraid of what he will tell you? You are seeking validation from the wrong individuals. You need to get straight answers from your boyfriend.


Oh yes I should tell me my friend snooped on him and this girl and then proceeded to tell me everything. If this was something I saw I could confront. Both my friend and my position with him is extremely delicate. He would instantly assume we stalked or spied on him.

Is this something you all don't understand? And my question remains the same. 

You all keep saying he loves her ok so when she asked him if hes free this week he didnt say hes free. He said he has things to do so if he was so interested in her why didnt he join her? 

He understood she was not angry at him so why decline? Or did he just want space and think over her and his old memories and decide for her and does that mean I will be booted if he goes in her favor?


----------



## Roselyn

How old are you Poppykate? If you are a grown up, you need to ask your boyfriend what you are asking here without involving your friend. You said it: that you and your friend have become stalkers. You are not sure about how your boyfriend feels about you. 

As one poster have said: you asked the same questions over and over again to people who can't read your boyfriend's mind. You are angry because people here are not validating your belief that your boyfriend does not have feelings for this "university girl". English must not be your first language as you fail to understand what posters here are telling you. You are starting to insult people who took their valuable time to advise you.


----------



## Poppykate

Roselyn said:


> How old are you Poppykate? If you are a grown up, you need to ask your boyfriend what you are asking here without involving your friend. You said it: that you and your friend have become stalkers. You are not sure about how your boyfriend feels about you.
> 
> As one poster have said: you asked the same questions over and over again to people who can't read your boyfriend's mind. You are angry because people here are not validating your belief that your boyfriend does not have feelings for this "university girl". English must not be your first language as you fail to understand what posters here are telling you. You are starting to insult people who took their valuable time to advise you.


How am I insulting any of you here? You aren't even answering my questions? 

I cant ask him. I have this whole information FROM MY FRIEND.
I don't go to his university. Never been and never will. He went and my friend goes. How will I ever explain how I know what happened when I was NEVER there? Who else was there? My friend. He knows her. She saw them talk in the library and outside. She was the one holding his bike when he was fixing it. 

He will find out within seconds the moment I question him that my friend spied on him and told me and he will go into a rage on both of us. This IS common sense. 

I merely ask now that if you all think he likes her then why didnt he agree to meeting with her? Was it because he needs time or space? Was it because he needs to reflect? Why? Simple question.


----------



## GusPolinski

Geez.

Just dump him already.


----------



## Poppykate

GusPolinski said:


> Geez.
> 
> Just dump him already.


Pls elaborate on why I should.


----------



## Spoons027

I’ll answer it or try to, but like everyone else says I don’t know what goes on in his mind. It’s probably to avoid arousing suspicion for him to be suddenly going somewhere at a time you didn’t expect. He wants to keep you on standby in case things with her don’t pan out.

The main issue here seems to be the fact that you’re so focused on this one question to be the determining factor on whether he has feelings for her or not, when everything else pretty much says he is. He denied being free to meet, sure, but he didn’t say it was because he was already in a relationship. It was because he has “things to do.” Again, I’m speculating that this is to avoid being suspicious.

And in reply to answering my previous post, it’s longing, nostalgia, or fantasizing. He has some image of her built up in his head, that it seems like he can’t let go.


----------



## Blondilocks

Forget about the past girlfriend. Concentrate on the fact that you're hung up on a guy who goes into rages.


----------



## Tron

Poppykate said:


> Pls elaborate on why I should.


He is interested in another woman! 

So if he is dating others when given the opportunity, why shouldn't you?

There really is no such thing as having a female "friend" for a guy when he has slept with her. If he continues seeing her now, it is because he still "wants" her to some extent. When circumstances change, they will pick up where they left off. You are simply his stop-gap at the moment.

If you are ok with that, then continue pining for this guy. But know this, you are and will be cheated on by him, at least until he dumps you.


----------



## Tron

Blondilocks said:


> Forget about the past girlfriend. Concentrate on the fact that you're hung up on a guy who goes into rages.


And then there is this!!!!


----------



## Poppykate

Spoons027 said:


> I’ll answer it or try to, but like everyone else says I don’t know what goes on in his mind. It’s probably to avoid arousing suspicion for him to be suddenly going somewhere at a time you didn’t expect. He wants to keep you on standby in case things with her don’t pan out.
> 
> The main issue here seems to be the fact that you’re so focused on this one question to be the determining factor on whether he has feelings for her or not, when everything else pretty much says he is. He denied being free to meet, sure, but he didn’t say it was because he was already in a relationship. It was because he has “things to do.” Again, I’m speculating that this is to avoid being suspicious.
> 
> And in reply to answering my previous post, it’s longing, nostalgia, or fantasizing. He has some image of her built up in his head, that it seems like he can’t let go.


So why do u think he didnt tell her hes dating someone? Why didnt he say he has a gf? 
When she told him about his new hair , he still said does it look bad and she literally said it looks great. 

He mentioned he moved back here so why telling her all this? His job, his work, he was told her he was scanning his certificate and showed it to her tho I'm sure he didnt show her his grades as they weren't pretty good.

And when he was going he touched her on her arm and said it was nice seeing her again even tho he had been seeing her but was not talking until he got privacy. U all say this is love but what type of love is this? Only talking in private? 

He was also telling her how she cant cross picket line during a demonstration their uni is holding. And my friend also said they both looked very happy talking and he was looking at her a lot and making eye contact too. 
How can he even look at this girl when he had destroyed his relationship with her and is with me? Like giving mixed signals ?


----------



## M042

How old are you OP?


----------



## Poppykate

M042 said:


> How old are you OP?


Lol. 23. But its nice you keep glossing over the information I keep giving to ask about age and stuff.


----------



## Poppykate

Tron said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Pls elaborate on why I should.
> 
> 
> 
> He is interested in another woman!
> 
> So if he is dating others when given the opportunity, why shouldn't you?
> 
> There really is no such thing as having a female "friend" for a guy when he has slept with her. If he continues seeing her now, it is because he still "wants" her to some extent. When circumstances change, they will pick up where they left off. You are simply his stop-gap at the moment.
> 
> If you are ok with that, then continue pining for this guy. But know this, you are and will be cheated on by him, at least until he dumps you.
Click to expand...

Pls read the post again. They didnt date or sleep together. Do you even read or just comment anything? . They couldnt. They met way too late. He was already done with his university and when she initiated , he didnt like her response to something he asked and he messed up his relationship with her. Also he couldnt patch up with her as he left the country 4 days later. But then returned back and so did she. They started running into each other since November. And finally, they patched up 2 days ago. At least thats what I assume considering he wasnt speaking to her before he left and now he suddenly did when he saw her alone in a quiet setting.

Pls read my post and all my responses. Where on earth does it even say he slept with her?


----------



## Walloped

Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this.


----------



## Poppykate

Walloped said:


> Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this.


Had i known he had someone in his life whom he couldnt forget, i wouldnt get with him. Now i cannot even tell him as he will accuse us of spying .


----------



## Magnesium

I'm beginning to understand his alleged "rage problem." Sheesh


----------



## Spoons027

Maybe some part of him still longs for her. If not love, there’s a lot of unresolved feelings going on there. Maybe it’s not full on pining, but something still lingers.

Either way, OP, these are the kind of questions that will make your brain hurt, questions that only your boyfriend knows.


----------



## Poppykate

Spoons027 said:


> Maybe some part of him still longs for her. If not love, there’s a lot of unresolved feelings going on there. Maybe it’s not full on pining, but something still lingers.
> 
> Either way, OP, these are the kind of questions that will make your brain hurt, questions that only your boyfriend knows.


Unresolved feelings ? And did you just change your statement? Like earlier you were like yeah he likes her too much and now its maybe its not?


----------



## Poppykate

Magnesium said:


> I'm beginning to understand his alleged "rage problem." Sheesh


Either respond properly or this thread is not for sarcastic useless responses.


----------



## M042

How old is he?


----------



## Poppykate

M042 said:


> How old is he?


23. My age. She's older than him though. Shes 26.


----------



## Magnesium

deleted


----------



## Poppykate

Magnesium said:


> deleted[/QUOTE
> 
> Saw your comment. Calling people younger than you crazy shows how immature and miserable you are. And a bully too


----------



## GusPolinski

Poppykate said:


> Pls elaborate on why I should.


Please elaborate on why I should elaborate on why you should.

:lol: :rofl:

Seriously, though... you’re putting yourself through all this grief for a _boyfriend_ ...?

Why ...?


----------



## Poppykate

GusPolinski said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Pls elaborate on why I should.
> 
> 
> 
> Please elaborate on why I should elaborate on why you should.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously, thorough... you’re putting yourself through all this grief for a _boyfriend_ ...?
> 
> Why ...?
Click to expand...

As I want to know this whole connection btw them.


----------



## GusPolinski

Poppykate said:


> As I want to know this whole connection btw them.


Sounds like you need to talk to him.


----------



## Magnesium

:crying:




Poppykate said:


> Magnesium said:
> 
> 
> 
> deleted[/QUOTE
> 
> Saw your comment. Calling people younger than you crazy shows how immature and miserable you are. And a bully too
Click to expand...


----------



## Satya

@Poppykate, I am being very serious here.
You wrote in a previous post that you are afraid of what he'll say if he finds out that a friend of yours has been "spying" on him and reporting back to you.

First of all, it's not spying if what he's doing is in plain sight of your friend. It's an observation.
Secondly, if you're afraid of what he'll do or how he'll act when he finds out what you know, then I question why you want to be with a man who would get angry at you when you "call him out" on things that he's actually doing *in plain sight of your friend.*

You fear his reaction. We here are wondering why you want to be with a man who would make you afraid. To us, that makes zero sense.
We are also trying to understand why you must know every single detail and every possible reason for why he is doing what he is doing. That's the kind of behavior that a very anxious or obsessive person exhibits.

Many of us would not bother to seek the answers you seek when it is clear that by his actions alone, he is disrespecting you and the relationship.
Going further into analysis mode is a waste of your time. Let's say for the sake of argument that we gave you every answer to your questions. What are you going to do with those answers? Are you going to dump him *then*? Go *back *to him? Bury your feelings? What's your plan?

I think you're asking the wrong questions, but that's just me. You may as well ask us how long a piece of string is. No one here can give you a definite answer. The best answer comes from the source ... him. If it's not possible to go to the source because you're afraid of him, then again, I question why you want to be in a relationship that makes you afraid to confront a person who has done you wrong?


----------



## Rowan

OP, you have your friend engaged in stalking, you're insisting on answers to an ever-shifting set of questions from people who cannot possibly know the answers, are openly hostile to those who try to point that fact out to you, and seem to be wound VERY tightly around the axel about every single action, thought and look between your boyfriend and this other woman. And all over a guy you've only been dating for 4 months. 

You're displaying disordered thinking that is either a product of emotional immaturity or emotional instability. Either way, you would be best served to try and get the answers you seek from your boyfriend. Or to simply break up with him. Because it's clear you don't trust him, he is hung up on his old crush, you two cannot effectively communicate, he has rage issues. But mostly because no one on earth is worth this level of angst and drama. Oh, and a good therapist could help you with the obsessiveness and instability.


----------



## Poppykate

Rowan said:


> OP, you have your friend engaged in stalking, you're insisting on answers to an ever-shifting set of questions from people who cannot possibly know the answers, are openly hostile to those who try to point that fact out to you, and seem to be wound VERY tightly around the axel about every single action, thought and look between your boyfriend and this other woman. And all over a guy you've only been dating for 4 months.
> 
> You're displaying disordered thinking that is either a product of emotional immaturity or emotional instability. Either way, you would be best served to try and get the answers you seek from your boyfriend. Or to simply break up with him. Because it's clear you don't trust him, he is hung up on his old crush, you two cannot effectively communicate, he has rage issues. But mostly because no one on earth is worth this level of angst and drama. Oh, and a good therapist could help you with the obsessiveness and instability.


Can you point out where it seems hes really hung up on her?


----------



## GusPolinski




----------



## Suspicious1

Poppykate said:


> How am I insulting any of you here? You aren't even answering my questions?
> 
> I cant ask him. I have this whole information FROM MY FRIEND.
> I don't go to his university. Never been and never will. He went and my friend goes. How will I ever explain how I know what happened when I was NEVER there? Who else was there? My friend. He knows her. She saw them talk in the library and outside. She was the one holding his bike when he was fixing it.
> 
> He will find out within seconds the moment I question him that my friend spied on him and told me and he will go into a rage on both of us. This IS common sense.
> 
> I merely ask now that if you all think he likes her then why didnt he agree to meeting with her? Was it because he needs time or space? Was it because he needs to reflect? Why? Simple question.


Okay, I'm a male who have been in serious from 18 to 28ish, before that I had a year or two gf during my 20's I never fooled around.
I could have, but did not mainly because I had a neurotic gf/wife and I respected our relationship.

Perhaps he likes her company yet does not want to cross that line.
Perhaps he waiting on you to dump him, and it's tge reason he's angry?

I'm with most people here reassess the relationship as it's only been 4 months ans go separate ways. 

It's too early to be going through all this and you're too young for tbis drama.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Poppykate

Suspicious1 said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> How am I insulting any of you here? You aren't even answering my questions?
> 
> I cant ask him. I have this whole information FROM MY FRIEND.
> I don't go to his university. Never been and never will. He went and my friend goes. How will I ever explain how I know what happened when I was NEVER there? Who else was there? My friend. He knows her. She saw them talk in the library and outside. She was the one holding his bike when he was fixing it.
> 
> He will find out within seconds the moment I question him that my friend spied on him and told me and he will go into a rage on both of us. This IS common sense.
> 
> I merely ask now that if you all think he likes her then why didnt he agree to meeting with her? Was it because he needs time or space? Was it because he needs to reflect? Why? Simple question.
> 
> 
> 
> Okay, I'm a male who have been in serious from 18 to 28ish, before that I had a year or two gf during my 20's I never fooled around.
> I could have, but did not mainly because I had a neurotic gf/wife and I respected our relationship.
> 
> Perhaps he likes her company yet does not want to cross that line.
> Perhaps he waiting on you to dump him, and it's tge reason he's angry?
> 
> I'm with most people here reassess the relationship as it's only been 4 months ans go separate ways.
> 
> It's too early to be going through all this and you're too young for tbis drama.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Hes only spoken to her twice. First time he messed their relationship and this time. So he hasnt even hung out much to enjoy her company.


----------



## Poppykate

Satya said:


> @Poppykate, I am being very serious here.
> You wrote in a previous post that you are afraid of what he'll say if he finds out that a friend of yours has been "spying" on him and reporting back to you.
> 
> First of all, it's not spying if what he's doing is in plain sight of your friend. It's an observation.
> Secondly, if you're afraid of what he'll do or how he'll act when he finds out what you know, then I question why you want to be with a man who would get angry at you when you "call him out" on things that he's actually doing *in plain sight of your friend.*
> 
> You fear his reaction. We here are wondering why you want to be with a man who would make you afraid. To us, that makes zero sense.
> We are also trying to understand why you must know every single detail and every possible reason for why he is doing what he is doing. That's the kind of behavior that a very anxious or obsessive person exhibits.
> 
> Many of us would not bother to seek the answers you seek when it is clear that by his actions alone, he is disrespecting you and the relationship.
> Going further into analysis mode is a waste of your time. Let's say for the sake of argument that we gave you every answer to your questions. What are you going to do with those answers? Are you going to dump him *then*? Go *back *to him? Bury your feelings? What's your plan?
> 
> I think you're asking the wrong questions, but that's just me. You may as well ask us how long a piece of string is. No one here can give you a definite answer. The best answer comes from the source ... him. If it's not possible to go to the source because you're afraid of him, then again, I question why you want to be in a relationship that makes you afraid to confront a person who has done you wrong?


It is spying as she overheard this. She wasnt standing in front of them in the library. She said she was just passing when she saw them. And neither of them saw her.
Yeah the bike fixing thing he saw she was there but the library one, he didnt see her.


----------



## ReformedHubby

Poppykate said:


> Can you point out where it seems hes really hung up on her?


I don't actually think he is hung up on her at all, but its obvious you are very hung up on him. If he was aware of your level of obsessing over this I don't even think he'd be mad. I really do think he'd be frightened or disturbed by it, most people would be. Given that you guys have only been together four months he is much more likely to see your behavior as a red flag and run for the hills. Your behavior isn't normal at all, and because you are in an infidelity forum way too many posters are focusing on the guy.


----------



## Spoons027

My statement hasn't changed. Me and plenty others think he does like her, but you're trying to find answers from us that only he knows. Personally, yes, some part of him definitely still longs and lingers for her. But like I said before, we don't know how he thinks.


----------



## Poppykate

ReformedHubby said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Can you point out where it seems hes really hung up on her?
> 
> 
> 
> I don't actually think he is hung up on her at all, but its obvious you are very hung up on him. If he was aware of your level of obsessing over this I don't even think he'd be mad. I really do think he'd be frightened or disturbed by it, most people would be. Given that you guys have only been together four months he is much more likely to see your behavior as a red flag and run for the hills. Your behavior isn't normal at all, and because you are in an infidelity forum way too many posters are focusing on the guy.
Click to expand...

Oh now he's now not hung up her at all? Then why he spoke to her and told her about himself? 

And I shouldnt be hung up on him when he's actually my boyfriend? 

Good one. You dont have any response so you keep calling people obsessed, crazy etc huh?


----------



## Spoons027

OP, what do you really want from us? You're asking questions that we can only answer hypothetically, but we're not your boyfriend. You've only been dating the guy for 4 months, but you're so hooked up on analyzing his every interaction or thought in regards to this other woman that it's concerning.


----------



## Poppykate

Spoons027 said:


> OP, what do you really want from us? You're asking questions that we can only answer hypothetically, but we're not your boyfriend. You've only been dating the guy for 4 months, but you're so hooked up on analyzing his every interaction or thought in regards to this other woman that it's concerning.


Well last time I'm asking. Do u really think he still has feelings for this girl? That the love which was 8 months ago still persists?


----------



## Blondilocks

Poppykate said:


> Well last time I'm asking. Do u really think he still has feelings for this girl? That the love which was 8 months ago still persists?


Yes and yes. Now, please, stop arguing with everyone including yourself.


----------



## Poppykate

Blondilocks said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well last time I'm asking. Do u really think he still has feelings for this girl? That the love which was 8 months ago still persists?
> 
> 
> 
> Yes and yes. Now, please, stop arguing with everyone including yourself.
Click to expand...

Can u explain why you said yes tho? I wont ask after this.


----------



## Blondilocks

Poppykate said:


> Can u explain why you said yes tho? I wont ask after this.


Yes, but I won't.


----------



## Poppykate

Blondilocks said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Can u explain why you said yes tho? I wont ask after this.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, but I won't.
Click to expand...

Why not? I am not going to ask anything after u explain.


----------



## GusPolinski

Poppykate said:


> Why not? I am not going to ask anything after u explain.


Because it won’t matter.

You’re going to pick apart or dismiss anything that isn’t exactly what you want to hear and then ask the same questions all over again.

In the meantine, people with _actual_ relationships are facing _actual_ issues.


----------



## Blondilocks

GusPolinski said:


> Because it won’t matter.
> 
> You’re going to pick apart or dismiss anything that isn’t exactly what you want to hear and then ask the same questions all over again.
> 
> In the meantine, people with _actual_ relationships are facing _actual_ issues.


Bingo!


----------



## Poppykate

GusPolinski said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why not? I am not going to ask anything after u explain.
> 
> 
> 
> Because it won’t matter.
> 
> You’re going to pick apart or dismiss anything that isn’t exactly what you want to hear and then ask the same questions all over again.
> 
> 
> 
> In the meantine, people with _actual_ relationships are facing _actual_ issues.
Click to expand...


Lol but do u have a response to why he didnt back to visit her again after his chat? Since u all are such believers of him being in love with her?


----------



## Poppykate

GusPolinski said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why not? I am not going to ask anything after u explain.
> 
> 
> 
> Because it won’t matter.
> 
> You’re going to pick apart or dismiss anything that isn’t exactly what you want to hear and then ask the same questions all over again.
> 
> In the meantine, people with _actual_ relationships are facing _actual_ issues.
Click to expand...

Funny how you think our relationship isnt real. He even wears the wristabands i gave him and u think our relationship isnt actual? Now u mean his relationship with her is more real than ours?


----------



## Nucking Futs




----------



## Suspicious1

Poppykate said:


> Hes only spoken to her twice. First time he messed their relationship and this time. So he hasnt even hung out much to enjoy her company.


So what's the problem then, you said it yourself. 


QUOTE=Poppykate;19077162] he hasnt even hung out much to enjoy her company.[/QUOTE]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Poppykate

Suspicious1 said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hes only spoken to her twice. First time he messed their relationship and this time. So he hasnt even hung out much to enjoy her company.
> 
> 
> 
> So what's the problem then, you said it yourself.
> 
> 
> QUOTE=Poppykate;19077162] he hasnt even hung out much to enjoy her company.
Click to expand...

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

Problem is why speak to an ex crush? Why speak to her alone ? Why still remembering her?


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Poppykate said:


> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Problem is why speak to an ex crush? Why speak to her alone ? Why still remembering her?[/QUOTE]

Because he's seeing if there is a chance of a relationship with her. If he can get in her pants and stay in your pants he's getting twice as much as he gets in a relationship with you alone. Guys generally don't forget a woman that they are interested in or even just having sex with. It's odd that you think he would forget. So those are the answers to those 3 questions. Please do not respond by flip-flopping back and forth and making me defend them and then asking again.

You are very close to losing help from anyone here due to your overly defensive responses and your extremely troubling obsession/co-dependency with this guy. You have received numerous answers with the details you have given. You have gotten everything an anonymous forum with limited info can give you, the rest is up to you. You REALLY need to get some psychiatric help for yourself in how to deal with this behavior of yours or it will ruin every relationship you ever have. 

p.s. What country/region are you from?


----------



## Poppykate

Rubix Cubed said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
> 
> 
> 
> Problem is why speak to an ex crush? Why speak to her alone ? Why still remembering her?
Click to expand...

 Because he's seeing if there is a chance of a relationship with her. If he can get in her pants and stay in your pants he's getting twice as much as he gets in a relationship with you alone. Guys generally don't forget a woman that they are interested in or even just having sex with. It's odd that you think he would forget. So those are the answers to those 3 questions. Please do not respond by flip-flopping back and forth and making me defend them and then asking again.

You are very close to losing help from anyone here due to your overly defensive responses and your extremely troubling obsession/co-dependency with this guy. You have received numerous answers with the details you have given. You have gotten everything an anonymous forum with limited info can give you, the rest is up to you. You REALLY need to get some psychiatric help for yourself in how to deal with this behavior of yours or it will ruin every relationship you ever have. 

p.s. What country/region are you from?[/QUOTE]

If he wanted to get into her pants he wouldnt mess up his relationship with her.

I'm from UK


----------



## Suspicious1

This thread reminds me.of an old but goodie Twilight zone episode!









Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## tom72

Poppykate said:


> Because he's seeing if there is a chance of a relationship with her. If he can get in her pants and stay in your pants he's getting twice as much as he gets in a relationship with you alone. Guys generally don't forget a woman that they are interested in or even just having sex with. It's odd that you think he would forget. So those are the answers to those 3 questions. Please do not respond by flip-flopping back and forth and making me defend them and then asking again.
> 
> You are very close to losing help from anyone here due to your overly defensive responses and your extremely troubling obsession/co-dependency with this guy. You have received numerous answers with the details you have given. You have gotten everything an anonymous forum with limited info can give you, the rest is up to you. You REALLY need to get some psychiatric help for yourself in how to deal with this behavior of yours or it will ruin every relationship you ever have.
> 
> p.s. What country/region are you from?


If he wanted to get into her pants he wouldnt mess up his relationship with her.

I'm from UK[/QUOTE]

See, your doing it again. Making excuses.

Re-read what you just said and keep reading it until you shake your head at yourself.

Wakeup


----------



## Poppykate

tom72 said:


> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> Because he's seeing if there is a chance of a relationship with her. If he can get in her pants and stay in your pants he's getting twice as much as he gets in a relationship with you alone. Guys generally don't forget a woman that they are interested in or even just having sex with. It's odd that you think he would forget. So those are the answers to those 3 questions. Please do not respond by flip-flopping back and forth and making me defend them and then asking again.
> 
> You are very close to losing help from anyone here due to your overly defensive responses and your extremely troubling obsession/co-dependency with this guy. You have received numerous answers with the details you have given. You have gotten everything an anonymous forum with limited info can give you, the rest is up to you. You REALLY need to get some psychiatric help for yourself in how to deal with this behavior of yours or it will ruin every relationship you ever have.
> 
> p.s. What country/region are you from?
> 
> 
> 
> If he wanted to get into her pants he wouldnt mess up his relationship with her.
> 
> I'm from UK
Click to expand...

See, your doing it again. Making excuses.

Re-read what you just said and keep reading it until you shake your head at yourself.

Wakeup[/QUOTE]

I am not making excuses. I am just asking a simple Q. He hasnt gone there since they talked so doesnt it prove he doesnt like her? Otherwise he would go everyday and ask her out wouldnt he?


----------



## tom72

Poppykate said:


> See, your doing it again. Making excuses.
> 
> Re-read what you just said and keep reading it until you shake your head at yourself.
> 
> Wakeup


I am not making excuses. I am just asking a simple Q. He hasnt gone there since they talked so doesnt it prove he doesnt like her? Otherwise he would go everyday and ask her out wouldnt he?[/QUOTE]No, slowly but will gradually see her more

Looking at your new thread, he admitted he still has feelings for her


----------



## Poppykate

Satya said:


> @Poppykate, I am being very serious here.
> You wrote in a previous post that you are afraid of what he'll say if he finds out that a friend of yours has been "spying" on him and reporting back to you.
> 
> First of all, it's not spying if what he's doing is in plain sight of your friend. It's an observation.
> Secondly, if you're afraid of what he'll do or how he'll act when he finds out what you know, then I question why you want to be with a man who would get angry at you when you "call him out" on things that he's actually doing *in plain sight of your friend.*
> 
> You fear his reaction. We here are wondering why you want to be with a man who would make you afraid. To us, that makes zero sense.
> We are also trying to understand why you must know every single detail and every possible reason for why he is doing what he is doing. That's the kind of behavior that a very anxious or obsessive person exhibits.
> 
> Many of us would not bother to seek the answers you seek when it is clear that by his actions alone, he is disrespecting you and the relationship.
> Going further into analysis mode is a waste of your time. Let's say for the sake of argument that we gave you every answer to your questions. What are you going to do with those answers? Are you going to dump him *then*? Go *back *to him? Bury your feelings? What's your plan?
> 
> I think you're asking the wrong questions, but that's just me. You may as well ask us how long a piece of string is. No one here can give you a definite answer. The best answer comes from the source ... him. If it's not possible to go to the source because you're afraid of him, then again, I question why you want to be in a relationship that makes you afraid to confront a person who has done you wrong?


You all kept saying he likes her but hes still not with her. He was just being nice to her,


----------



## sandcastle

Poppy-
You just keep being Plan Z.

Are you dating Renaldo?

Brad?

The more you post the more desperate you sound.


----------



## Poppykate

sandcastle said:


> Poppy-
> You just keep being Plan Z.
> 
> Are you dating Renaldo?
> 
> Brad?
> 
> The more you post the more desperate you sound.


U still think he likes her?


----------



## sandcastle

Poppykate said:


> U still think he likes her?


How about this-

You are his second hand ho.
He is banging every ***** in heat but you make him dinner.

He adores you.


----------



## Poppykate

sandcastle said:


> How about this-
> 
> You are his second hand ho.
> He is banging every ***** in heat but you make him dinner.
> 
> He adores you.


Pls give a serious response about why you think he likes her when hes not even seeing her?


----------



## sandcastle

Poppykate said:


> Pls give a serious response about why you think he likes her when hes not even seeing her?


Poppy-
Have you ever heard of cybersex?
Skype sex?
Sex in a hotel that you don't know about?

Why are we talking about this?
You already know .


----------



## FieryHairedLady

You have been with this guy for just 5 months. Dump him now and move on.


----------



## Poppykate

sandcastle said:


> Poppy-
> Have you ever heard of cybersex?
> Skype sex?
> Sex in a hotel that you don't know about?
> 
> Why are we talking about this?
> You already know .


Nothing like that is happening. They dont even have each others no


----------



## Poppykate

*Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

I posted before about my boyfriend and his old crush. We broke up but then he got together with me.

However, things are not the exact same. I ve been visitinghis university and I have noticed a few things that bother me. 
Apparently, he won't communicate with his old flame in front of us but I caught both of them staring at each other. 

The worst part was while we were sitting outside and she was inside the building, my boyfriend was constantly looking at the college entrance buildings. He would look at it every 5 minutes.
Later on, while we were leaving, she was coming and my boyfriend was staring at her and trying to make eye contact but she was on her phone and ignored him.

This didnt go down well with him. He was rather quiet after that and a week later, when he saw her, he did the exact same thing to her. She saw him and he quickly pretended to be on his phone.

He also didnt hold the door for her as she was coming but held the door for others and ignored her completely except once I saw him look at her and she looked back.

As we were leaving on our bikes, I saw she was coming and instead of leaving instantly, he didnt. I sped off until I saw he wasnt following me and when I looked back, I saw that he had stopped and pretended to check his wheels and she was standing next to him.

Neither of them said anything and he followed me. And yesterday, she saw my boyfriend sitting in the cafe and she opted to go from the other entrance which was not close to him.
Today, I saw that they were both looking at each other while he was printing in the library. Neither of them said anything but she was looking at him and I am sure my boyfriend noticed it as his eyes were moving towards her direction. And he again, did the exact same thing. He chose to go by the entrance which was not near her.

I dont understand. Why does her actions affect him so much? Does he really want her that bad and I am still his back up?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> I dont understand. Why does her actions affect him so much? *Does he really want her that bad and I am still his back up?*


Yep.


----------



## Steve2.0

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

Follow your gut instincts.. not the voice in your head.

I would drop him like a hot potato


----------



## Andy1001

You are the consolation prize. Plan B in other words. 
Never be plan B.


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

He is still hung up on her. And probably will be for some time.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



3Xnocharm said:


> Yep.


But how are you sure? He cant even talk to her! And these tensions!


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> He is still hung up on her. And probably will be for some time.


But why? And its almost 1 year of being hung up?


----------



## SentHereForAReason

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But how are you sure? He cant even talk to her! And these tensions!


He can't talk to her most likely because she doesn't want to talk to him. Seems like this might be a one-side attraction at this point.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Steve2.0 said:


> Follow your gut instincts.. not the voice in your head.
> 
> I would drop him like a hot potato


But why? Pls elaborate


----------



## minimalME

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But how are you sure? He cant even talk to her! And these tensions!


It doesn't matter. Trying to sort out the motives of someone else is a waste of time.

You're investing energy in someone, yet it's not reciprocal. His mind is elsewhere. That's the bottom line.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



stillfightingforus said:


> He can't talk to her most likely because she doesn't want to talk to him. Seems like this might be a one-side attraction at this point.


She stares at him too and she even stopped by to talk but neither of them said anything.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



minimalME said:


> It doesn't matter. Trying to sort out the motives of someone else is a waste of time.
> 
> You're investing energy in someone, yet it's not reciprocal. His mind is elsewhere. That's the bottom line.


Since 1 year?


----------



## SentHereForAReason

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

PK, you want elaboration and reasons. The Vets here are going to tell you how this is going to play out but to be fair, none of us can predict the future exactly so I am going to tackle this from another angle.

Forget what you think is happening and what might happen for a second. Think about what is bothering you. Have a frank talk with him about your concerns and let him know how you feel.

2 THINGS;
- if he overreacts and gets upset or angry for you bringing this up, then that says it all right there;
- if he acts understanding and wants to prove to you that his heart is still not for her, then let him prove it but hold yourself to seeing how it goes and and if he falls right back into old habits, that is your answer going this route.


----------



## SunCMars

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

You are the cruel lure, the pretty bait.
He wants her, she wants him.

She wants him badly. It is killing her seeing him with you.

Take a shower.
Wash her dirty eyes and thoughts off of you.
Wash off her evil eye, her bad JuJu.

You are his Voodoo Doll. 
By getting you to be by his side, for her to see.
And then he sticking you with that ever-so-slender knife...

Stick you and SHE flinches.

You, my pretty Dear are a tool. A means to get the other girl jealous, a means to get her to climb off her high horse.
To jump off, to jump his bones.

To drive her insane, to drive her into his arms.

They are dancing together. 
You are not part of the dance. 

Watch their feet, their eyes. 

They follow each others lead.

You are the odd lady out in this dance, having no partner. 

You seem, you seem an interim ploy.
To him, to her, a means to their end, a toy.

A flower, with a pretty face, a pretty body.
Not to his liking, it seems.

You are his tool.
You are his hook, the pretty bait.

Get off their hook.
Get hooked by a fisherman who loves your look, your taste, your worth.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



stillfightingforus said:


> PK, you want elaboration and reasons. The Vets here are going to tell you how this is going to play out but to be fair, none of us can predict the future exactly so I am going to tackle this from another angle.
> 
> Forget what you think is happening and what might happen for a second. Think about what is bothering you. Have a frank talk with him about your concerns and let him know how you feel.
> 
> 2 THINGS;
> - if he overreacts and gets upset or angry for you bringing this up, then that says it all right there;
> - if he acts understanding and wants to prove to you that his heart is still not for her, then let him prove it but hold yourself to seeing how it goes and and if he falls right back into old habits, that is your answer going this route.


How is it going to play out?

I did talk to him and the first time we broke up he admitted he likes her but when we got back, he said its not going anywhere so hes trying to get over


----------



## SentHereForAReason

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> How is it going to play out?
> 
> I did talk to him and the first time we broke up he admitted he likes her but when we got back, he said its not going anywhere so hes trying to get over


From what I gather, the vets think it will play out that he will not get over her, at least not anytime soon. 

You get over someone by seeing that they weren't right for your or you start seeing the faults in them that eventually make you wonder why you were ever attracted to them OR you find someone that makes you happy and you forget about that person. Doesn't sound like any of this stuff is happening and what makes it worse is the constant passing by and close proximity so I think even if he wanted to get over her, this is making it harder.

To deserve you as a GF, he needs to prove it. Just set a time for how long you want to live like this and then if it's not changed by then, move on!


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



stillfightingforus said:


> From what I gather, the vets think it will play out that he will not get over her, at least not anytime soon.
> 
> You get over someone by seeing that they weren't right for your or you start seeing the faults in them that eventually make you wonder why you were ever attracted to them OR you find someone that makes you happy and you forget about that person. Doesn't sound like any of this stuff is happening and what makes it worse is the constant passing by and close proximity so I think even if he wanted to get over her, this is making it harder.
> 
> To deserve you as a GF, he needs to prove it. Just set a time for how long you want to live like this and then if it's not changed by then, move on!


They never had a relationship but they really wanted to be with each other. Do you think if she attempts to finidh the tension between them they will get together? Because for some reason, my gut feeling keeps saying this development is pointing towards that?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



stillfightingforus said:


> From what I gather, the vets think it will play out that he will not get over her, at least not anytime soon.
> 
> You get over someone by seeing that they weren't right for your or you start seeing the faults in them that eventually make you wonder why you were ever attracted to them OR you find someone that makes you happy and you forget about that person. Doesn't sound like any of this stuff is happening and what makes it worse is the constant passing by and close proximity so I think even if he wanted to get over her, this is making it harder.
> 
> To deserve you as a GF, he needs to prove it. Just set a time for how long you want to live like this and then if it's not changed by then, move on!


He sees her every 3-4 weeks. So theres a lot of gap but they dont seem to get over each other. They never did as its 1 year of them meeting


----------



## SentHereForAReason

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

You guys should still be in the 'honeymoon' stage of your relationship. After you really lay out it out for him, he is either going to get with the program or he is not. If not, like the others have said, you don't want to be Plan B, the side chick in his mind, etc.


----------



## Thor

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But how are you sure? He cant even talk to her! And these tensions!


Whatever it is, he is somehow messed up about her. And that is causing great distress to you in your relationship with him.

You can't control him or his feelings. You can't "fix" him or your relationship with him. All you can do is decide if you are happy in your relationship with him today. If so, stay and stop complaining. If not, move on.

It sounds like you're doing a typical female thing of seeing the good in him and thinking you can change the bad stuff to make him into what you want. The bad stuff in this case is he is still hung up on this other girl. It is always a bad plan to think you can change somebody into being a good partner!

If he isn't making you feel all wonderful all the time to be around him, leave. Be happy just being with yourself. You don't NEED to have a boyfriend. Just do the things you enjoy doing. You don't need all this drama in your life. Guaranteed 100% you will find someone you really enjoy being with before long.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

First off, I'm sorry that you're having to witness all of this. Secondly, and I'm sorry to say this, but yes, it appears that you're not option #1 for him. It sounds like they have something going on on the side, and are trying to hide it (and not doing a very good job) I would have a talk with him, and during that talk, I would tell him that I no longer wanted to see him.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Since 1 year?


Something tells me that it hasn't been 1 year. I think they still might have something going on between them.


----------



## Steve2.0

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

Because you are young and you deserve to have fun.. Why would you want to be with someone who is CLEARLY thinking about the other girl more than you. It almost seems like he is creating scenarios to interact with her... 

Plus, who the hell wants to live like that... constantly with a boy/girlfriend who has an EX they bump into multiple times a day that they are clearly into

Follow your gut instincts... something drove you to write this post... you are either looking for the "get away from him" or "nothing to worry about" answers... but the fact that you posted this at all should mean that he isn't worth your time or energy.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Thor said:


> Whatever it is, he is somehow messed up about her. And that is causing great distress to you in your relationship with him.
> 
> You can't control him or his feelings. You can't "fix" him or your relationship with him. All you can do is decide if you are happy in your relationship with him today. If so, stay and stop complaining. If not, move on.
> 
> It sounds like you're doing a typical female thing of seeing the good in him and thinking you can change the bad stuff to make him into what you want. The bad stuff in this case is he is still hung up on this other girl. It is always a bad plan to think you can change somebody into being a good partner!
> 
> If he isn't making you feel all wonderful all the time to be around him, leave. Be happy just being with yourself. You don't NEED to have a boyfriend. Just do the things you enjoy doing. You don't need all this drama in your life. Guaranteed 100% you will find someone you really enjoy being with before long.


What do you mean about messed up?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Something tells me that it hasn't been 1 year. I think they still might have something going on between them.


They met in june last year for the first time and he admitted it was attraction at first sight for both of them which is still ongoing


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Steve2.0 said:


> Because you are young and you deserve to have fun.. Why would you want to be with someone who is CLEARLY thinking about the other girl more than you. It almost seems like he is creating scenarios to interact with her...
> 
> Plus, who the hell wants to live like that... constantly with a boy/girlfriend who has an EX they bump into multiple times a day that they are clearly into
> 
> Follow your gut instincts... something drove you to write this post... you are either looking for the "get away from him" or "nothing to worry about" answers... but the fact that you posted this at all should mean that he isn't worth your time or energy.


Wait how are you sure hes still into her?


----------



## personofinterest

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

Didn't you basically post this same thing a couple of months ago? The answers are the same. And we cannot read his mind.

If you don't like the answers, that is understandable, but did you just come to argue?


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> They met in june last year for the first time and he admitted it was attraction at first sight for both of them which is still ongoing


This should tell you something.



Poppykate said:


> Wait how are you sure hes still into her?


See your above quote; this is how we all know he's still into her (you just told us).


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But why? And its almost 1 year of being hung up?


I had a very brief relationship with a woman when I was in my mid 20s. She was much older than me.

Over 20 years later I met her by chance in the street. By this time I was happily married and had been for many years.

When I met her, I became tongue tied, started to tremble a bit and my palms started to sweat.

I must admit I would never have expected such a strong reaction to her.


----------



## Thor

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> What do you mean about messed up?


I'm trying to be generic because it doesn't matter exactly what it is. Is she the one that got away? Is he madly in love with her? Does he not really know her but is strongly attracted to her sexually? Did she tell him she wasn't interested a while ago and he sees that as a challenge he has to meet? Does he have some kind of irrational stalker sort of thing going on in his head? 

There are a lot of ways someone can be messed up about somebody else. But it doesn't matter what exactly it is inside his head. What matters is how he is behaving. Clearly he has some kind of thing for this other girl, and he behaves badly in your relationship. He is not "all in" in your relationship. That's the part that matters.

Why be with someone who isn't "all-in"?

Why be in a relationship that isn't fun and uplifting?


----------



## moon7

Poppykate said:


> Wait how are you sure hes still into her?


Because of the way they act. People here cant explain "his whys", only explain what his actions means because most people here has seen it happen before.


----------



## Steve2.0

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Wait how are you sure hes still into her?


I didnt say that... but judge someone by their actions.

I do not let someone I don't care about take up my personal time/effort/space. Your boyfriend seems to be doing things consciously to create these scenarios. If I didnt care about someone I wouldnt be waiting for them, looking in their direction constantly, or trying to get close to them.... period


----------



## Openminded

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

Nothing has changed. 

If you don't want to be part of that then you need to get out and stay out.


----------



## happyhusband0005

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But why? Pls elaborate


Poppy, I don't think you have provided enough info, for me at least, I need to know more about how he is with you when she's no where in sight. Is he engaged? Is he affectionate? Is he interested in your life?

If she was the one to end it he might still be recovering from that, yes even after a year. That doesn't mean he doesn't have real feelings for you. But it sounds like he is very fragile and if she decided she wanted him back tomorrow he would probably go. He clearly wasn't emotionally prepared to be getting into a new relationship when you got together. 

Have you talked to him about this?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



happyhusband0005 said:


> Poppy, I don't think you have provided enough info, for me at least, I need to know more about how he is with you when she's no where in sight. Is he engaged? Is he affectionate? Is he interested in your life?
> 
> If she was the one to end it he might still be recovering from that, yes even after a year. That doesn't mean he doesn't have real feelings for you. But it sounds like he is very fragile and if she decided she wanted him back tomorrow he would probably go. He clearly wasn't emotionally prepared to be getting into a new relationship when you got together.
> 
> Have you talked to him about this?



She never ended it. He told me life got in the way as he was leaving and had graduated. They met 1 month just before he left. 
And ever since they met each other, that instant they got attracted.

He's okay but its nothing special. I ve seen the deep eye contact they give each other and I dont get those from him. Its not like he looks at me. But he HAS to look at her even once. He never does this with me


----------



## personofinterest

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> She never ended it. He told me life got in the way as he was leaving and had graduated. They met 1 month just before he left.
> And ever since they met each other, that instant they got attracted.
> 
> He's okay but its nothing special. I ve seen the deep eye contact they give each other and I dont get those from him. Its not like he looks at me. But he HAS to look at her even once. He never does this with me


How old are you?


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> She never ended it. *He told me life got in the way as he was leaving and had graduated.* They met 1 month just before he left. And ever since they met each other, that instant they got attracted.
> 
> He's okay but its nothing special. I ve seen the deep eye contact they give each other and I dont get those from him. Its not like he looks at me. But he HAS to look at her even once. He never does this with me


Your first paragraph doesn't jive with what's going on. He graduated and left, but is still in the same school as the other girl? If he left, then how come he's still around her? Did he transfer schools, and she transferred with him? I don't get it.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Your first paragraph doesn't jive with what's going on. He graduated and left, but is still in the same school as the other girl? If he left, then how come he's still around her? Did he transfer schools, and she transferred with him? I don't get it.


He still has friends there and was a very good and popular student hence he keeps visiting the uni


----------



## happyhusband0005

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> She never ended it. He told me life got in the way as he was leaving and had graduated. They met 1 month just before he left.
> And ever since they met each other, that instant they got attracted.
> 
> He's okay but its nothing special. I ve seen the deep eye contact they give each other and I dont get those from him. Its not like he looks at me. But he HAS to look at her even once. He never does this with me


He's OK but nothing special and he's very infatuated with another girl. Time to move on. He's very immature and he is not emotionally available right now.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



happyhusband0005 said:


> He's OK but nothing special and he's very infatuated with another girl. Time to move on. He's very immature and he is not emotionally available right now.


But how did he get emotionally attached to her so quickly? They werent even in touch


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But how did he get emotionally attached to her so quickly? They werent even in touch


If he's interested in a relationship with you, perhaps he should stop visiting the University. You're also not a student there, from my understanding. Have you guys considered finding somewhere else to hang out?


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But how did he get emotionally attached to her so quickly? They werent even in touch


No one here can read his mind, so that can't be answered. All signs point to him and her still being attached and attracted to one another. Out of the 3 of you, the other girl is the only one actually attending the Uni, so why you and your BF continue to hang out there instead of a new place with new memories, is beyond me. Regardless, do you want to be in a stable, steady relationship, or do you always want to be second guessing and feeling like Option #2? I've been where you are, and felt as you do, and it's not fun to constantly second guess and over-analyze. I'm SO grateful that I got out of the relationship that caused me to feel like that, and I moved on. It hurt at the time, but short term pain for long term happiness is a small price to pay.


----------



## happyhusband0005

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But how did he get emotionally attached to her so quickly? They werent even in touch


He saw her and he was physically attracted to her. This physical attraction turned into a infatuation, that built into him fantasizing about her, now he has a fantasy of her in his mind where she is the perfect beautiful girl of his dreams IN HIS MIND. 

There is something about all this that just seems unhealthy. Either he has an unhealthy obsession with a girl he doesn't know, which is creepy and stalkerish, or he is so immature he is to scared to breakup with you to pursue her for real. 

If they weren't even in touch how does he know she felt the instant attraction also? By saying that you are implying they were together in some way. 

Maybe you guys should all just have a threeway so they can get it out of their system and you can live happily ever after.


----------



## ReformedHubby

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

I think I remember you posting about this before. All I can say is my views on it are still the same. I honestly don't think the guy is doing anything wrong per se, so I don't really understand the posts saying that he is horrible person. It sounds like he is being fairly transparent with you. I do have one question for you OP. If he really isn't that special to you why do you even care? It sounds like he is also your plan B, and there is nothing wrong with that as long as both of you are on the same page. Not everyone we date is "the one", nothing at all wrong with enjoying each other's company as long as everyone is honest about how they truly feel, sounds like he told you that he really did like her. You have the info you need, its up to you to decide if you're ok with sticking around.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



happyhusband0005 said:


> He saw her and he was physically attracted to her. This physical attraction turned into a infatuation, that built into him fantasizing about her, now he has a fantasy of her in his mind where she is the perfect beautiful girl of his dreams IN HIS MIND.
> 
> There is something about all this that just seems unhealthy. Either he has an unhealthy obsession with a girl he doesn't know, which is creepy and stalkerish, or he is so immature he is to scared to breakup with you to pursue her for real.
> 
> If they weren't even in touch how does he know she felt the instant attraction also? By saying that you are implying they were together in some way.
> 
> Maybe you guys should all just have a threeway so they can get it out of their system and you can live happily ever after.


He mentioned she reciprocated all of his moves and she was the initiating the talks and even now she stares at him


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> No one here can read his mind, so that can't be answered. All signs point to him and her still being attached and attracted to one another. Out of the 3 of you, the other girl is the only one actually attending the Uni, so why you and your BF continue to hang out there instead of a new place with new memories, is beyond me. Regardless, do you want to be in a stable, steady relationship, or do you always want to be second guessing and feeling like Option #2? I've been where you are, and felt as you do, and it's not fun to constantly second guess and over-analyze. I'm SO grateful that I got out of the relationship that caused me to feel like that, and I moved on. It hurt at the time, but short term pain for long term happiness is a small price to pay.


But wont this misunderstanding or tension between them ruin it?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

Oh my god, why do you keep asking these questions?? You are the one who came here and asked for opinions. We are giving you what we think based on our experience, having been alive more than 15 years.....


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But wont this misunderstanding or tension between them ruin it?


Out of all the questions I asked you in my post, and you come back with this? Again? We've given you our opinions and thoughts, you do with them whatever you want. Much luck to the three of you!


----------



## Magnesium

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

This isn't the first rodeo here with Poppykate. Nothing has changed - with her or her situation.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Out of all the questions I asked you in my post, and you come back with this? Again? We've given you our opinions and thoughts, you do with them whatever you want. Much luck to the three of you!


But you didnt give an opinion on the tensions between them?


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

Hey guys, there was a thread (My boyfriend and his old crush; Coping with Infidelity) discussing this exact same topic on February 14th, and it has 119 posts, AND another thread (Need help. Boyfriend and his ex?; General Relationship Discussion) started on February 15th with 14 posts discussing the same issue. Add that to the current 50-ish posts on this thread, and methinks that the OP just likes the attention and drama at this point, especially if she hasn't figured things out with this much information/thoughts from others.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Hey guys, there was a thread (My boyfriend and his old crush; Coping with Infidelity) discussing this exact same topic on February 14th, and it has 119 posts, AND another thread (Need help. Boyfriend and his ex?; General Relationship Discussion) started on February 15th with 14 posts discussing the same issue. Add that to the current 50-ish posts on this thread, and methinks that the OP just likes the attention and drama at this point, especially if she hasn't figured things out with this much information/thoughts from others.


I already mentioned that I posted about this before. You dont have a reply so stop diverting


----------



## personofinterest

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But wont this misunderstanding or tension between them ruin it?


Oh my gosh...again I ask...How old are You?

What is your point in badgering people who have never met you or your boyfriend?


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> But you didnt give an opinion on the tensions between them?


Oh boy, in a nutshell (again).

She likes him
He likes her
He likes her more than he likes you
He's currently dating you
Hence, tensions. 
Stress tensions from wanting something he can't have
Sexual tensions are probably building up too, again from wanting something he can't have

I'm not diverting, by the way (regarding my other post), I'm pointing out that there have been like 180+ posts regarding this, and it still isn't resolved. If you want to be with him, talk to him about what bothers you. If you're on the fence, just cut him loose so you can both find someone that you each would rather be with.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Oh boy, in a nutshell (again).
> 
> She likes him
> He likes her
> He likes her more than he likes you
> He's currently dating you
> Hence, tensions.
> Stress tensions from wanting something he can't have
> Sexual tensions are probably building up too, again from wanting something he can't have
> 
> I'm not diverting, by the way (regarding my other post), I'm pointing out that there have been like 180+ posts regarding this, and it still isn't resolved. If you want to be with him, talk to him about what bothers you. If you're on the fence, just cut him loose so you can both find someone that you each would rather be with.


Okay. But sexual tension? Do you actually think if they talk things over they will do it?!

Their tensions are due to ignoring etc.


----------



## personofinterest

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Okay. But sexual tension? Do you actually think if they talk things over they will do it?!
> 
> Their tensions are due to ignoring etc.


Are you on the spectrum? My youngest is, and he is just like this about some things.

Look, no one here has a crystal ball. Regardless of what might happen, he is disrespecting you. You either choose to put up with it or you bail.

Do you badger him like this?


----------



## Prodigal

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

*how old are you?*


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Okay. But sexual tension? Do you actually think if they talk things over they will do it?!
> 
> Their tensions are due to ignoring etc.


Yes. Have you ever been really attracted to someone to the point where you fantasize about them? Have you ever pleasured yourself while thinking about that certain someone? Also, if you already know for certain what their tensions are due to (ignoring, etc.), then why are you asking us? I'm out, and don't know what else to tell you. It's really hard to help a person who refuses to see what's directly in front of them and won't help themselves. Best of luck to you.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



personofinterest said:


> *Are you on the spectrum?* My youngest is, and he is just like this about some things.
> 
> Look, no one here has a crystal ball. Regardless of what might happen, he is disrespecting you. You either choose to put up with it or you bail.
> 
> Do you badger him like this?


I was actually wondering the same thing. And I'd also love to know how old OP is, but I'm thinking very young, and this is her first relationship/crush.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> I was actually wondering the same thing. And I'd also love to know how old OP is, but I'm thinking very young, and this is her first relationship/crush.


Bullies. 

I'm 25 btw so keep bullying


----------



## minimalME

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

This has to be a joke.


----------



## Prodigal

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Bullies.
> 
> I'm 25 btw so keep bullying


We're not bullying; we're trying to help you and have been for 3 threads now. The way you approach this and all of the replies so far makes you appear as a younger teenager. There's also nothing wrong with being on the spectrum; brilliant people are the spectrum. They just tend to have a harder time with things like you're dealing with. This is your first relationship? Nothing wrong with that either; I started dating at 21.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Prodigal said:


> If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions.


If you dont like the question dont answer


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> We're not bullying; we're trying to help you and have been for 3 threads now. The way you approach this and all of the replies so far makes you appear as a younger teenager. There's also nothing wrong with being on the spectrum; brilliant people are the spectrum. They just tend to have a harder time with things like you're dealing with. This is your first relationship? Nothing wrong with that either; I started dating at 21.


My newest thread has more details. So far you havent given any concrete answer as to why you think he likes her when they are having such communication issues.


----------



## personofinterest

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> My newest thread has more details. So far you havent given any concrete answer as to why you think he likes her when they are having such communication issues.


He would not be spending this much energy on her if there wasn't attraction of some kind there.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



personofinterest said:


> He would not be spending this much energy on her if there wasn't attraction of some kind there.


Okay but what kind of attraction is this when he makes no effort to see her or even talk to her? Is this even an attraction that he only goes there when he has to meet up with friends and he never talks to her. Unless its only himself.

So that is why I'm so skeptical


----------



## personofinterest

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Okay but what kind of attraction is this when he makes no effort to see her or even talk to her? Is this even an attraction that he only goes there when he has to meet up with friends and he never talks to her. Unless its only himself.
> 
> So that is why I'm so skeptical


Sorry, I'm out. This is above my pay grade.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Okay but what kind of attraction is this when he makes no effort to see her or even talk to her? Is this even an attraction that he only goes there when he has to meet up with friends and he never talks to her. Unless its only himself.
> 
> So that is why I'm so skeptical


From what you've posted, he makes LOADS of effort to see her because he keeps going back to the school that he no longer attends.



Poppykate said:


> My newest thread has more details. So far you havent given any concrete answer as to why you think he likes her when they are having such communication issues.


I think it's fairly obvious. They don't seem to be the ones having communication issues; that seems to be between you and him. They may not talk a lot because they don't want to make their attraction obvious, but it's there. You've gotten a lot of advice here, and I'm not sure how much you can be helped unless you open your eyes and your mind to see what's going on.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



personofinterest said:


> Sorry, I'm out. This is above my pay grade.


Ditto. Holy cow.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> From what you've posted, he makes LOADS of effort to see her because he keeps going back to the school that he no longer attends.
> 
> 
> 
> I think it's fairly obvious. They don't seem to be the ones having communication issues; that seems to be between you and him. They may not talk a lot because they don't want to make their attraction obvious, but it's there. You've gotten a lot of advice here, and I'm not sure how much you can be helped unless you open your eyes and your mind to see what's going on.


I already told you he has many friends who still study there and he goes to see them. He is politically active there and still remains involved. He never talks to her around them so no talking terms there.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



personofinterest said:


> Sorry, I'm out. This is above my pay grade.


Sure. No answer so what to expect lol


----------



## Spoons027

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

What answer do you want?

What answer are you expecting?

We gave you answers and opinions.

But we do not know the inside of your boyfriend's mind.

You ask the same questions over and over for three threads, somehow thinking that if you ask enough, we'll magically have The Answer to all your problems.

Either you're in serious denial.

Or you're messing with us.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Spoons027 said:


> What answer do you want?
> 
> What answer are you expecting?
> 
> We gave you answers and opinions.
> 
> But we do not know the inside of your boyfriend's mind.
> 
> You ask the same questions over and over for three threads, somehow thinking that if you ask enough, we'll magically have The Answer to all your problems.
> 
> Either you're in serious denial.
> 
> Or you're messing with us.


I just want honest opinions on this situation


----------



## happyhusband0005

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

What is her relationship status?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



happyhusband0005 said:


> What is her relationship status?


Shes single


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



happyhusband0005 said:


> What is her relationship status?





Poppykate said:


> Shes single


Hey Poppy, you're actually single too. I read your post "Boyfriend has dumped me.?" on the Coping with Infidelity board on Feb. 18, 2018!


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Hey Poppy, you're actually single too. I read your post "Boyfriend has dumped me.?" on the Coping with Infidelity board on Feb. 18, 2018!


So you dont read posts? In my post I wrote we GOT BACK TOGETHER smh


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> So you dont read posts? In my post I wrote we GOT BACK TOGETHER smh


Ah sorry, my bad. Honestly, I'm finding it hard to make heads or tails out of your posts smh.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Ah sorry, my bad. Honestly, I'm finding it hard to make heads or tails out of your posts smh.


That's why I dont take your replies seriously. You all dont even read properly but act like you all know so much.


----------



## happyhusband0005

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Tragic joke. How old are YOU?


41


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> That's why I dont take your replies seriously. You all dont even read properly but act like you all know so much.


Grow up. In 215-ish replies over THREE threads, you've gotten _fantastic_ advice, all of which you've responded to with question upon question upon question. You are the one who doesn't read or see what's right in front of her. You are also 25, and fairly immature (I'm positive I'm not the only one who thinks this). I'm 40, and have way more life experience than you my dear. There are lots of people posting great words to you who are older than me, and have way more life experience than both you and I combined. Hear the words. Take out of the replies what you want to, then go live your life and be happy with your decisions. But for God's sake, do something (ANYTHING) to help yourself!


----------



## happyhusband0005

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

You have to understand Poppy, You're coming off as a 13 year old not a 25 year old. At his point all I can offer you is ask him if he wants to be with her more than you. If he says yes tell him to go get her, if he says no and you believe him let it go, if you can't or if you don't believe him, end the relationship. All of your questions have been answered to the best of our ability given the info provided.

My guess is when he broke up with you, he pursued her and she rebuffed him, no that he's back with you there's tension between them. You don't need to be in communication with someone to be attracted to them. I don't know anyone who kept hanging around their college campus going to the library etc. after graduating even if their friends were still there. Meet them off campus. The whole situation is bizarre, You responses and explanation are unclear and this is really a situation that should be dealt with by you directly with him and no one else. Or you could go talk to her. But your obviously not hearing what you want here.


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

@Poppykate, please check your PMs.


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

*Moderator Notice:-*

It appears that there are some people who do not like reading @Poppykate's threads or her posts.

Either step away from the threads or use the ignore function. It really isn't rocket science.

There are some posts that have tried to goad @Poppykate. That is *not* appropriate and action will be taken.

@Poppykate, if you have problems with some posts, you also have the ignore option, or you can report posts that you feel cross the line.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> *Moderator Notice:-*
> 
> It appears that there are some people who do not like reading @Poppykate's threads or her posts.
> 
> Either step away from the threads or use the ignore function. It really isn't rocket science.
> 
> There are some posts that have tried to goad @Poppykate. That is *not* appropriate and action will be taken.
> 
> @Poppykate, if you have problems with some posts, you also have the ignore option, or you can report posts that you feel cross the line.



Thank you so much Matt :smile :smile2::smile2:


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



happyhusband0005 said:


> You have to understand Poppy, You're coming off as a 13 year old not a 25 year old. At his point all I can offer you is ask him if he wants to be with her more than you. If he says yes tell him to go get her, if he says no and you believe him let it go, if you can't or if you don't believe him, end the relationship. All of your questions have been answered to the best of our ability given the info provided.
> 
> My guess is when he broke up with you, he pursued her and she rebuffed him, no that he's back with you there's tension between them. You don't need to be in communication with someone to be attracted to them. I don't know anyone who kept hanging around their college campus going to the library etc. after graduating even if their friends were still there. Meet them off campus. The whole situation is bizarre, You responses and explanation are unclear and this is really a situation that should be dealt with by you directly with him and no one else. Or you could go talk to her. But your obviously not hearing what you want here.


So you think he goes to the college on purpose? Just to see her?

I did feel it was bizzare that he meets all his friends hes in touch with on campus


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

He is infatuated, perhaps?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> He is infatuated, perhaps?


It seems like it but 1 year is too long for infatuation? On top of it that had no contact throughout.


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> It seems like it but 1 year is too long for infatuation? On top of it that had no contact throughout.


Perhaps not. It's quite possible. 

Is there anything about her that would engender such a powerful infatuation?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> Perhaps not. It's quite possible.
> 
> Is there anything about her that would engender such a powerful infatuation?


Well she looks good but i doubt looks would be the reason to hold onto someone


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*

He admitted feeling a really strong connection with her


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> He admitted feeling a really strong connection with her


Was she his first 'proper' girlfriend?

What really strong connection is it? 

Is he an obsessive? Is he a stalker? Could he become a stalker?

What is his connection with you? Loving? Strong?

Does he love you? If he does, does he love you enough?


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Well she looks good but i doubt looks would be the reason to hold onto someone


So... her personality, then?

AS for looks, from my own experiences I know I could have become obsessive about a female colleague of mine because she was a carbon copy of a previous girlfriend of mine. They were so alike they could have been twins.

But I was able to keep an emotional distance, so didn't get into the pickle your boyfriend seems to be getting himself into.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> Was she his first 'proper' girlfriend?
> 
> What really strong connection is it?
> 
> Is he an obsessive? Is he a stalker? Could he become a stalker?
> 
> What is his connection with you? Loving? Strong?
> 
> Does he love you? If he does, does he love you enough?


They never dated but he admitted they fell for each other since they saw each other 
Life got in the way and they werent able to get together.

I dont know. He visits his uni frequently but they dont have interactions as he wont talk to her in front of people. 

He has never said he loves me though.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> So... her personality, then?
> 
> AS for looks, from my own experiences I know I could have become obsessive about a female colleague of mine because she was a carbon copy of a previous girlfriend of mine. They were so alike they could have been twins.
> 
> But I was able to keep an emotional distance, so didn't get into the pickle your boyfriend seems to be getting himself into.


Do you think hes emotionally attached to her?


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> They never dated but he admitted they fell for each other since they saw each other
> Life got in the way and they werent able to get together.
> 
> I dont know. He visits his uni frequently but they dont have interactions as he wont talk to her in front of people.
> 
> He has never said he loves me though.


Are you a student at the same university?

She could be the one who got away.

He might be emotionally attached (imprinted?) to her.

He has never said he loves you?

That's not good, to be honest.

Does he have any problems such as being on the Autistic Spectrum?


----------



## MattMatt

*Moderator Notification:-*

In order to provide continuity and to avoid confusion both threads have been merged here.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> Are you a student at the same university?
> 
> She could be the one who got away.
> 
> He might be emotionally attached (imprinted?) to her.
> 
> He has never said he loves you?
> 
> That's not good, to be honest.
> 
> Does he have any problems such as being on the Autistic Spectrum?


No I went to another one. My friend goes to this 

Well both got away from each other

And no hes not autistic


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> No I went to another one. My friend goes to this
> 
> Well both got away from each other
> 
> And no hes not autistic


The reason I asked about the autism is because I know from my own experiences that someone on the ASD spectrum can get fixations on another person and might not be able to tell you that they love you. Even though they do.

This isn't good enough for you, is it?

You deserve better and you deserve more. :smthumbup:

Have you and he thought of relationship counselling? Would that be an option?


----------



## Rubix Cubed

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> They never dated but he admitted they fell for each other since they saw each other
> Life got in the way and they werent able to get together.
> 
> I dont know. He visits his uni frequently but they dont have interactions as he wont talk to her in front of people.
> 
> He has never said he loves me though.


 I think he's obsessed with her. Obsession has no time limit so don't think it will just wear off.
I also think you are obsessed with him and he's just along for the ride. If he has never said he loves you, but told you he had a connection to this OW then I'd venture that you have been friendzoned without being told. My advice would be to break up with him, you have every reason to do so, and see how much trouble he goes to get you back.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> The reason I asked about the autism is because I know from my own experiences that someone on the ASD spectrum can get fixations on another person and might not be able to tell you that they love you. Even though they do.
> 
> This isn't good enough for you, is it?
> 
> You deserve better and you deserve more. :smthumbup:
> 
> Have you and he thought of relationship counselling? Would that be an option?


He wont go. He refuses to discuss anything.


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Rubix Cubed said:


> I think he's obsessed with her. Obsession has no time limit so don't think it will just wear off.
> I also think you are obsessed with him and he's just along for the ride. If he has never said he loves you, but told you he had a connection to this OW then I'd venture that you have been friendzoned without being told. My advice would be to break up with him, you have every reason to do so, and see how much trouble he goes to get you back.


Obsessed with her for so long?


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> He wont go. He refuses to discuss anything.


Then it is possible that counselling might be of benefit to you as an individual.


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> Obsessed with her for so long?


An obsessionion can last for years.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> *Moderator Notice:-*
> 
> It appears that there are some people who do not like reading @Poppykate's threads or her posts.
> 
> Either step away from the threads or use the ignore function. It really isn't rocket science.
> 
> There are some posts that have tried to goad @Poppykate. That is *not* appropriate and action will be taken.
> 
> @Poppykate, if you have problems with some posts, you also have the ignore option, or you can report posts that you feel cross the line.


Hey @MattMatt, I just have a curious question for you: why is it that people here are allowed to speak their minds/thoughts to some, but not to others? Poppy had gotten some really good advice on this particular thread yesterday, and there was also some good advice on her other threads. Frustrations arose yesterday out of some, yes, including myself. It was more to do with not being "heard" though, and the constant repetitive questions back to us, which could easily be answered by reading the many posts already there. Personally, I've been on the receiving end of some backlash like this here, and no one (i.e., Moderators) has ever stood up for me and told people to cut it out. I'm guessing that this has also been the case for many others here. So, why do some people get special treatment in this regard, especially when (in my opinion), it really isn't warranted? I apologize for my questions, I don't mean any meanness by them, and maybe they'll get me banned, but I need to ask anyways because I just don't feel that it's right. I was going to PM you with this, but feel that it needed to be voiced a bit more than that.


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> So you think he goes to the college on purpose? Just to see her?
> 
> I did feel it was bizzare that he meets all his friends hes in touch with on campus


IMHO, he goes to campus to meet his friends, but that to me is an excuse to "see" her. It's very weird that he keeps going back to his former Uni; I don't know of anyone who has done that. Most kids are happy to graduate and start their careers.



Poppykate said:


> They never dated but he admitted they fell for each other since they saw each other
> Life got in the way and they werent able to get together.
> 
> I dont know. He visits his uni frequently but *they dont have interactions as he wont talk to her in front of people. *
> 
> He has never said he loves me though.


As to the bolded, do they not have interactions at all, or just not in front of people? Your last sentence is also a red flag to me. 



Poppykate said:


> He wont go. He refuses to discuss anything.


This is a huge red flag. Communication is everything in a relationship, and when it breaks down, so does the relationship. This is what happened to my marriage, well partly anyways (we had a lot of issues). Have you thought about individual therapy? Often, talking to someone outside of the situation is a great help, and helps you to see different things in a different light.


----------



## Dawghoused

I think 8 months is not a long time to forget a person. Especially a crush. You should talk with your boyfriend clearly. Don't be afraid if he is short-tempered, as a girlfriend, you have right know that.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> IMHO, he goes to campus to meet his friends, but that to me is an excuse to "see" her. It's very weird that he keeps going back to his former Uni; I don't know of anyone who has done that. Most kids are happy to graduate and start their careers.
> 
> 
> 
> As to the bolded, do they not have interactions at all, or just not in front of people? Your last sentence is also a red flag to me.
> 
> 
> 
> This is a huge red flag. Communication is everything in a relationship, and when it breaks down, so does the relationship. This is what happened to my marriage, well partly anyways (we had a lot of issues). Have you thought about individual therapy? Often, talking to someone outside of the situation is a great help, and helps you to see different things in a different light.



Well he still goes. We webt today as he was joining the protest . He met his friends and once again I saw him looking a few times towards the entrance.
However she was coming while he was leaving on his bike and he flat out ignored her and cycled away.


----------



## Andy1001

Poppykate said:


> Well he still goes. We webt today as he was joining the protest . He met his friends and once again I saw him looking a few times towards the entrance.
> However she was coming while he was leaving on his bike and he flat out ignored her and cycled away.


Other than heartache,worry,feeling insecure and feeling second best can you tell me exactly what YOU are getting from this relationship.
Because as far as I can see you’re not getting much in the way of positivity.


----------



## Poppykate

Andy1001 said:


> Other than heartache,worry,feeling insecure and feeling second best can you tell me exactly what YOU are getting from this relationship.
> Because as far as I can see you’re not getting much in the way of positivity.


I get it. I am at a point where I am considering splitting as he has again mirrored her action. She didnt come to talk to him yesterday and he acted like he didnt see her when he did and she was going to say something.


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> Hey @MattMatt, I just have a curious question for you: why is it that people here are allowed to speak their minds/thoughts to some, but not to others? Poppy had gotten some really good advice on this particular thread yesterday, and there was also some good advice on her other threads. Frustrations arose yesterday out of some, yes, including myself. It was more to do with not being "heard" though, and the constant repetitive questions back to us, which could easily be answered by reading the many posts already there. Personally, I've been on the receiving end of some backlash like this here, and no one (i.e., Moderators) has ever stood up for me and told people to cut it out. I'm guessing that this has also been the case for many others here. So, why do some people get special treatment in this regard, especially when (in my opinion), it really isn't warranted? I apologize for my questions, I don't mean any meanness by them, and maybe they'll get me banned, but I need to ask anyways because I just don't feel that it's right. I was going to PM you with this, but feel that it needed to be voiced a bit more than that.


A PM would have been a better idea to be honest.


----------



## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> Well he still goes. We webt today as he was joining the protest . He met his friends and once again I saw him looking a few times towards the entrance.
> However she was coming while he was leaving on his bike and he flat out ignored her and cycled away.


Oh, dear. Now I have an image etched into my mind of him leaping onto his Raleigh Chopper bike and peddling away furiously! 

Oh. You are almost certainly too young to remember what a Raleigh Chopper bike is 

You'll have to Google it! 

Speaking of choppers, time you gave him the chop really, isn't it?


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> A PM would have been a better idea to be honest.


 @MattMatt, I still say that it needed to be voiced, as I'm sure I wasn't the only person thinking this. Would you please be able to PM me a reply to my questions then, when you get a free few minutes? Thanks!


----------



## lucy999

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Poppykate said:


> I just want honest opinions on this situation


 my honest opinion is that he is not into you. He is into her. How do you know they don't talk unless they see each other at University? Are you with him 24/7?


----------



## Poppykate

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



lucy999 said:


> my honest opinion is that he is not into you. He is into her. How do you know they don't talk unless they see each other at University? Are you with him 24/7?


Because he never talks to her. And after she ignored him 2 days ago, he had sex with me.


----------



## personofinterest

I hope the fact that this thread is 24 pages means that the half a dozen threads you have started about the same topic have all been merged now. That said, I know you don't understand everything about this situation, and you really want us to convince you. But the bottom line is this… he is into this other girl. You know it, I know it, and she knows it. Don't ask me how I know or argue with me. You know this is true. The only thing you have control over is what you are going to do about it. If you are actually 25, be an adult woman and deal with this period


----------



## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> I hope the fact that this thread is 24 pages means that the half a dozen threads you have started about the same topic have all been merged now. That said, I know you don't understand everything about this situation, and you really want us to convince you. But the bottom line is this… he is into this other girl. You know it, I know it, and she knows it. Don't ask me how I know or argue with me. You know this is true. The only thing you have control over is what you are going to do about it. If you are actually 25, be an adult woman and deal with this period


If hes into this girl then why did he sleep with me? Especially after she didnt talk to him , he slept with me


----------



## personofinterest

What are you going to do about it besides revel in the online drama of talking about it? You're an adult. What's it gonna be?


----------



## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> What are you going to do about it besides revel in the online drama of talking about it? You're an adult. What's it gonna be?


I'm just asking you a question. You said he's totally into her but then when he gets ignored by her he sleeps with me and then ignores her so how can he be into her?


----------



## personofinterest

I have never met you, your boyfriend, or her. So 1 of 2 things is going on. Number one, he is in to her and she is probably going to him, and they are tap dancing around it either trying to behave or trying to hide it. Number 2, you are a drama driven person who is making something out of nothing and needs to keep it going by asking a bunch of strangers continual questions peering it I'm not sure which it is, but either way nothing will change unless you take definitive action. Honestly, I am leaning toward number to. I don't know that your boyfriend is doing anything weird or that this girl is doing anything weird. I just think you may need to seek some help for something within you that makes you addicted to all this drama.


----------



## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> I have never met you, your boyfriend, or her. So 1 of 2 things is going on. Number one, he is in to her and she is probably going to him, and they are tap dancing around it either trying to behave or trying to hide it. Number 2, you are a drama driven person who is making something out of nothing and needs to keep it going by asking a bunch of strangers continual questions peering it I'm not sure which it is, but either way nothing will change unless you take definitive action. Honestly, I am leaning toward number to. I don't know that your boyfriend is doing anything weird or that this girl is doing anything weird. I just think you may need to seek some help for something within you that makes you addicted to all this drama.


Lmao stop okay. Now that you heard that he slept with me and ignored her, you took back your words and are now claiming that I am drama driven.

Just admit it your responses were wrong and he loves me not her. He didnt even change his clothes after we had sex and wore the same outfit to work before we had sex . So you WERE wrong.


----------



## personofinterest

O bless my heart I feel like a 9th grader again. If that's true why the heck have you post it for 24 pages?


----------



## personofinterest

The main reason I changed my opinion is because no normal person who was actually a 25 year old would have won about this for this long without doing something about it. So I figure you just like to be the center of attention, and online will do.


----------



## personofinterest

You have argued with every single person who has posted, and almost every one of us has said the same thing. What is more likely, that I whole group of people are all wrong, or that you are?


----------



## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> You have argued with every single person who has posted, and almost every one of us has said the same thing. What is more likely, that I whole group of people are all wrong, or that you are?


I didnt argue. I asked questions. Now I asked you a question but you didnt have an answer so now you are taking jabs at me. 
If you truly think he likes her then why the heck did he sleep with me and ignore her?


----------



## lucy999

Poppykate said:


> If hes into this girl then why did he sleep with me? Especially after she didnt talk to him , he slept with me


Because sex.


----------



## Prodigal

Poppykate said:


> If hes into this girl then why did he sleep with me?


So he could have sexual intercourse.


----------



## Poppykate

Prodigal said:


> So he could have sexual intercourse.


So u say he loves her but hes having sex with me?


----------



## Prodigal

Poppykate said:


> So u say he loves her but hes having sex with me?


No, I'm saying he had sex with you because he wanted to have sex. 

I think you should ask yourself why you are having sex with a guy you don't trust. You seem to be suspicious of his eye contact with this other girl, so I conclude you don't think he is being totally open with you.

I'm sorry we cannot answer the questions you pose. I suggest you either ask him directly so he can, hopefully, address your concerns, or confide in (and pose questions) to a mutual friend. By that, I mean if you know people who are friendly with you and your boyfriend - and you can trust them - ask them what they think is going on.

We don't know your boyfriend. So we cannot answer your questions.


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> I didnt argue. I asked questions. Now I asked you a question but you didnt have an answer so now you are taking jabs at me.
> If you truly think he likes her then why the heck did he sleep with me and ignore her?


I think he's a boy who enjoys sex, like most other boys. A lot of boys his age would probably hump drywall, so having a living, breathing, willing girl who will have sex with him is a bonus. Honestly, I don't think he loves either of you girls, I think he thinks you're just convenient at the moment. Out of the 2 girls, I'd say he likes her a little more, even if he is having sex with you. Personally, with the way you've described his actions, I'd bet money that he's also slept with her. I also think that you've gotten LOADS (like pages and pages) of really solid advice here, and I think it's now time for you to take this offline, and approach your boyfriend about your concerns (I.e., do something about your issue). I also think that you may want to look into talking to a therapist about this, and your other issues, and maybe try to figure out who you are and what you need and want out of life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with talking to someone in real life, like a therapist. I did that before asking my husband for a divorce because I wanted to cover all my bases and make sure my thinking was on point. It really does help, and I think you might learn some really cool things about yourself!

Personally, I wouldn't be happy with someone like him, because I know I'm worth way more than that. I'd break things off with him. If you DO decide to stay with him, do it with conviction, give it 100%, and be happy. I know you said that you don't read my posts and you think I know nothing, but I hope you got to the end of this.


----------



## Ursula

02-15-2018, 11:21 AM


Poppykate said:


> Lol. 23. But its nice you keep glossing over the information I keep giving to ask about age and stuff.


05-16-2018, 12:26 PM


Poppykate said:


> Bullies. I'm 25 btw so keep bullying


Hey @Poppykate, curious question, but how can a person age 2 years in only 3 months?


----------



## MattMatt

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



Ursula said:


> @MattMatt, I still say that it needed to be voiced, as I'm sure I wasn't the only person thinking this. Would you please be able to PM me a reply to my questions then, when you get a free few minutes? Thanks!


The question you raised is being looked at by the moderation team. It will be answered in due course.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> I think he's a boy who enjoys sex, like most other boys. A lot of boys his age would probably hump drywall, so having a living, breathing, willing girl who will have sex with him is a bonus. Honestly, I don't think he loves either of you girls, I think he thinks you're just convenient at the moment. Out of the 2 girls, I'd say he likes her a little more, even if he is having sex with you. Personally, with the way you've described his actions, I'd bet money that he's also slept with her. I also think that you've gotten LOADS (like pages and pages) of really solid advice here, and I think it's now time for you to take this offline, and approach your boyfriend about your concerns (I.e., do something about your issue). I also think that you may want to look into talking to a therapist about this, and your other issues, and maybe try to figure out who you are and what you need and want out of life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with talking to someone in real life, like a therapist. I did that before asking my husband for a divorce because I wanted to cover all my bases and make sure my thinking was on point. It really does help, and I think you might learn some really cool things about yourself!
> 
> Personally, I wouldn't be happy with someone like him, because I know I'm worth way more than that. I'd break things off with him. If you DO decide to stay with him, do it with conviction, give it 100%, and be happy. I know you said that you don't read my posts and you think I know nothing, but I hope you got to the end of this.


Lol stop now. Now he doesnt like either of us and earlier it was no he only likes her. Haha when you got wrong then changed the stance. Great


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> 02-15-2018, 11:21 AM
> 
> 
> 05-16-2018, 12:26 PM
> 
> 
> Hey @Poppykate, curious question, but how can a person age 2 years in only 3 months?


Why typos cant happen?


----------



## manwithnoname

Op, just concentrate on your studies, all this is going to affect that.

And I guarantee he's thinking about her when having sex with you.


----------



## Poppykate

manwithnoname said:


> Op, just concentrate on your studies, all this is going to affect that.
> 
> And I guarantee he's thinking about her when having sex with you.


How so? -_-


----------



## thefam

If I read this right he has never had a relationship with this other girl. So I think you should just forget about her just forget about the eye contact and all that stuff and concentrate on your relationship with him. Does he treat you well? Do you do things together? Does he meet your needs? If there are things regarding the two of you that our concerns then speak to him about it. But just forget about the other girl. If you see him making eye contact with her again Ask him right then and there why he does that.


----------



## Ursula

*Re: Why is my boyfriend so bothered by her?*



MattMatt said:


> The question you raised is being looked at by the moderation team. It will be answered in due course.


Thank-you, @MattMatt!


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Lol stop now. Now he doesnt like either of us and earlier it was no he only likes her. Haha when you got wrong then changed the stance. Great


OH sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to tell you, and just hope that you find solace soon.


----------



## personofinterest

Poppykate said:


> Ursula said:
> 
> 
> 
> 02-15-2018, 11:21 AM
> 
> 
> 05-16-2018, 12:26 PM
> 
> 
> Hey @Poppykate, curious question, but how can a person age 2 years in only 3 months?
> 
> 
> 
> Why typos cant happen?
Click to expand...

 From a behavioral perspective, there is almost zero chance someone would mistype their age....unless they are making it up.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> OH sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to tell you, and just hope that you find solace soon.


What solace? We bumped into her again, this time near the park of his old uni as he was heading there and they both saw each other and looked at each other but he didnt stop for her so


----------



## DustyDog

He's spending time with someone he said he had a crush on.

He's short-tempered.

And...you didn't write anything that suggested the two of you are well-suited.

I'd move on....


----------



## personofinterest

10th grade is rough. It's the year you turn 16 and can drive, but you're still not legally an adult. Especially when you're still in high school and the boy you like is in college, it can be tough.


----------



## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> 10th grade is rough. It's the year you turn 16 and can drive, but you're still not legally an adult. Especially when you're still in high school and the boy you like is in college, it can be tough.


Such a sad soul. No job other than bullying lol


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> What solace? We bumped into her again, this time near the park of his old uni as he was heading there and they both saw each other and looked at each other but he didnt stop for her so


Mental solace, hon. You won't get any solace from bumping into the other girl unless you and he stop hanging out at the school he no longer attends. It's all about choices at this point.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Mental solace, hon. You won't get any solace from bumping into the other girl unless you and he stop hanging out at the school he no longer attends. It's all about choices at this point.


Why do you think he goes there so often? He doesnt talk to her but will most definitely run into her. 

He earlier went 1 time a month. In January he never went. But since Feb, hes been regular. Shes the only girl he knows who hes not in contact with. Hes in contact with all of his friends male or female.


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Why do you think he goes there so often? He doesnt talk to her but will most definitely run into her.
> 
> He earlier went 1 time a month. In January he never went. But since Feb, hes been regular. Shes the only girl he knows who hes not in contact with. Hes in contact with all of his friends male or female.


Why do YOU think he goes there so often? Why do you think he goes there so regular since Feb? How can he know her but not be in contact with her? That great that he's in contact with his male and female friends!


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Why do YOU think he goes there so often? Why do you think he goes there so regular since Feb? How can he know her but not be in contact with her? That great that he's in contact with his male and female friends!


I honestly believe he goes to meet his friends and coz he still is attached to his university.
He knows her but he never asked for her number and neither did she. When they spoke for 1st time , he went back to his home country after 6 days. Then they talked after 7 months in February and since then hes been going frequently.


----------



## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> I honestly believe he goes to meet his friends and coz he still is attached to his university.
> He knows her but he never asked for her number and neither did she. When they spoke for 1st time , he went back to his home country after 6 days. Then they talked after 7 months in February and since then hes been going frequently.


What is his home country?


----------



## MattMatt

personofinterest said:


> 10th grade is rough. It's the year you turn 16 and can drive, but you're still not legally an adult. Especially when you're still in high school and the boy you like is in college, it can be tough.


The location of these events is London and they are University age students, so early to mid 20s.


----------



## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> What is his home country?


Israel


----------



## Poppykate

So yesterday, he left very early to his old uni to meet this guy and check over some documents.

My friend was there too and she said that his old crush was sitting and studying in the common area and when he entered, my boyfriend did something he has never done before.

He saw her and she saw him too and this time he was the first one to say hi to her. 
He has never said anything on his own to her before and he said this time.

My friend said she smiled and said hi too but i guess she had exams and he had this meeting so nothing went further as he went downstairs but she did say he whistled along as he left.

It is weird how he said hi as he has never done it. Does he feel guilty of ignoring her and since she wasnt coming to talk to him , he said hello to ease the tension?

I asked him if he thinks of her and he said no and even went on to say its none of my business 

but if he doesnt then why did he say hi when he never uttered a word before? Is he trying to save his relationship with her as he still hopes to be with her?
Its strange how he keeps getting back at her for everything she does and then his anger or irritation fades so quickly?


----------



## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> Israel


Are they linked by any cultural considerations such as religious affiliations?


----------



## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> Are they linked by any cultural considerations such as religious affiliations?


No. He's a liberal jew. But can you pls look at the above comment and shed some light on it. Its the latest development


----------



## MattMatt

Poppykate said:


> No. He's a liberal jew. But can you pls look at the above comment and shed some light on it. Its the latest development


He might have screwed up the courage to speak with her?

Is she also a Jew?


----------



## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> He might have screwed up the courage to speak with her?
> 
> Is she also a Jew?


No she isnt. But why he said hello after ignoring her so much?


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> So yesterday, he left very early to his old uni to meet this guy and check over some documents.
> 
> My friend was there too and she said that his old crush was sitting and studying in the common area and when he entered, my boyfriend did something he has never done before.
> 
> He saw her and she saw him too and this time he was the first one to say hi to her.
> He has never said anything on his own to her before and he said this time.
> 
> My friend said she smiled and said hi too but i guess she had exams and he had this meeting so nothing went further as he went downstairs but she did say he whistled along as he left.
> 
> It is weird how he said hi as he has never done it. Does he feel guilty of ignoring her and since she wasnt coming to talk to him , he said hello to ease the tension?
> 
> I asked him if he thinks of her and he said no and even went on to say its none of my business
> 
> but if he doesnt then why did he say hi when he never uttered a word before? Is he trying to save his relationship with her as he still hopes to be with her?
> Its strange how he keeps getting back at her for everything she does and then his anger or irritation fades so quickly?


Do you know if your BF work at the Uni? 

Did your BF see your friend sitting in the common area? Reason I ask is that you've said in past msgs that he _has_ spoken to her when he's alone, but not in front of people. So, it makes a difference if he saw your friend there. Then that would be different.

You say in this post that he's never uttered a word to her before, but if so, how do you think they've had a relationship in the past? I've never had a relationship with anyone that I haven't actually spoken to, so I don't understand. My former SIL dated someone in her head for about a year (he was her childhood crush), but she has psychotic episodes, is bipolar, has schizo-affective disorder, depression and anxiety.

I don't know if he felt guilty, have you asked if he feels guilty?
I don't know if he wanted to ease tension or if there even is tension. have you asked him about this? 

I'm not sure if he thinks of her, but telling you it's none of your business makes me think he thinks of her because if someone has nothing to hide, they hide nothing. 

I don't understand your last sentence, I'm sorry. To me, they just keep crossing paths, which isn't bad unless she's doing something like flashing him or something.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Do you know if your BF work at the Uni?
> 
> Did your BF see your friend sitting in the common area? Reason I ask is that you've said in past msgs that he _has_ spoken to her when he's alone, but not in front of people. So, it makes a difference if he saw your friend there. Then that would be different.
> 
> You say in this post that he's never uttered a word to her before, but if so, how do you think they've had a relationship in the past? I've never had a relationship with anyone that I haven't actually spoken to, so I don't understand. My former SIL dated someone in her head for about a year (he was her childhood crush), but she has psychotic episodes, is bipolar, has schizo-affective disorder, depression and anxiety.
> 
> I don't know if he felt guilty, have you asked if he feels guilty?
> I don't know if he wanted to ease tension or if there even is tension. have you asked him about this?
> 
> I'm not sure if he thinks of her, but telling you it's none of your business makes me think he thinks of her because if someone has nothing to hide, they hide nothing.
> 
> I don't understand your last sentence, I'm sorry. To me, they just keep crossing paths, which isn't bad unless she's doing something like flashing him or something.




He saw her sitting there and no he didnt see my friend as he kept looking at this girl who turned to look right at the same time.

I mean he has never initiated a convo himself. He would stare at her and she would come to him and talk. Thats how he talked to her. 
I already mentioned that. 

He had been ignoring her and last week i wrote that he kept looking at her which is probably coz he wants to talk but she didnt come and kept looking only.
Then he got mad at her and ignored her but since saturday after he saw her by the street, he seemed much more mellowed down 

And yeah this is the first time my BF has said something to her. Earlier she would do the approaching. This time he said hello and she gave him a big smile and said hi as he walked on whistling.

Apparently she had exams as my friend and her were in the same hall but my bf has never said a word on his own unless she does. 

My friend did say hes making himself look approachable to her as she wasnt going up to him out of anger/hesitancy etc

Funny how he gets angry at me for every reason and doesnt make up but his anger or irritation towards her lasts only a few hours and he's gets soft towards her. Even my friend said that the way he said hello was so much softer as hes quite loud


----------



## MattMatt

He sounds a bit weird to be honest.

You really could do better, you know?


----------



## Poppykate

MattMatt said:


> He sounds a bit weird to be honest.
> 
> You really could do better, you know?


What do you mean by weird?


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> I mean he has never initiated a convo himself. He would stare at her and she would come to him and talk. Thats how he talked to her.
> I already mentioned that.
> 
> Funny how he gets angry at me for every reason and doesnt make up but his anger or irritation towards her lasts only a few hours and he's gets soft towards her. Even my friend said that the way he said hello was so much softer as hes quite loud


First para: sorry, I don't remember that or you mentioning that, I just remember him talking to her when he's alone.

Second para: for this reason and this reason alone, I would break up with him. Sounds like he has an anger problem and sounds like he holds onto anger towards you more than to her. do you really want to be in a relationship with a boy like this? I'm sorry if you need this clarified further; I really cannot, it's just how I feel given the bits and pieces of info given.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> First para: sorry, I don't remember that or you mentioning that, I just remember him talking to her when he's alone.
> 
> Second para: for this reason and this reason alone, I would break up with him. Sounds like he has an anger problem and sounds like he holds onto anger towards you more than to her. do you really want to be in a relationship with a boy like this? I'm sorry if you need this clarified further; I really cannot, it's just how I feel given the bits and pieces of info given.


But why with me? He essentially has 0 contact with her yet for 1 year now he's been doing this with her and his anger subsides that quickly. And hes with me but he doesnt feel the need to make up at all.
And yeah he does have anger issues. He is hot tempered and prone to irritability as well.


----------



## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> But why with me? He essentially has 0 contact with her yet for 1 year now he's been doing this with her and his anger subsides that quickly. And hes with me but he doesnt feel the need to make up at all.
> And yeah he does have anger issues. He is hot tempered and prone to irritability as well.


Honestly? I really have no idea. This is something that you would have to ask him because only he knows the answer to it. I can only speculate. And, my guesses are: Maybe he's mad at you. Maybe he's scared to talk to you because he's scared of all the questions that you'll ask. Maybe he doesn't have the answers to those questions and honestly doesn't know what to tell you to make you stop. Maybe she's just easier to be around. Maybe he's just an angry person. Maybe in time (if they date), she'll make him angry too, or find ways to set him off. 

"Why me?" is a question that a lot of people ask themselves, especially girls/women, I find. I've asked myself that A LOT lately, too. Why couldn't my husband find the time to help make our marriage work. Why was everything else always more of a priority than "us". Why did I marry him in the first place. Then, when I started dating again: why did that one man ghost me…What did I do wrong…Why me…Why can't I find someone I click with. Even with my current partner (who is absolutely wonderful, by the way): Out of all the women online and in his life, why did he choose me? He obviously sees something there that I don't or can't, and that's okay. He's steady and stable, holds my hand when going to sleep, tells me I'm beautiful daily, and is genuinely excited to spend time together, and that's all I need. Someday, you'll also find something like that with someone, but I don't think this guy's it.


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## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Honestly? I really have no idea. This is something that you would have to ask him because only he knows the answer to it. I can only speculate. And, my guesses are: Maybe he's mad at you. Maybe he's scared to talk to you because he's scared of all the questions that you'll ask. Maybe he doesn't have the answers to those questions and honestly doesn't know what to tell you to make you stop. Maybe she's just easier to be around. Maybe he's just an angry person. Maybe in time (if they date), she'll make him angry too, or find ways to set him off.
> 
> "Why me?" is a question that a lot of people ask themselves, especially girls/women, I find. I've asked myself that A LOT lately, too. Why couldn't my husband find the time to help make our marriage work. Why was everything else always more of a priority than "us". Why did I marry him in the first place. Then, when I started dating again: why did that one man ghost me…What did I do wrong…Why me…Why can't I find someone I click with. Even with my current partner (who is absolutely wonderful, by the way): Out of all the women online and in his life, why did he choose me? He obviously sees something there that I don't or can't, and that's okay. He's steady and stable, holds my hand when going to sleep, tells me I'm beautiful daily, and is genuinely excited to spend time together, and that's all I need. Someday, you'll also find something like that with someone, but I don't think this guy's it.


Does he actually love her or what? Because it is difficult to believe that he gives her a pass so often but i never receive one. and still haunts that university frequently. Now that she smiled at him she will approach him as he made himself look accessible


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## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Does he actually love her or what? Because it is difficult to believe that he gives her a pass so often but i never receive one. and still haunts that university frequently. Now that she smiled at him she will approach him as he made himself look accessible


Only he can answer that question. What kind of a pass does he give her that you also want? Like a library pass or a pass to go out somewhere? Just ask him for one. He probably goes to the Uni so much because she's there, and if she's approached him more than once, you can rest assured that she'll do it again.


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## 3leafclover

As a rule, I lurk and read ocassionally but don't post anymore, but it's almost painful watching this go on and on... 

Read the whole thread again as if the OP is the "crush" on campus and not the gf, and it all makes a lot more sense: the third person omniscient point of view (e.g. the friend just always happens to be around); the fixation on every little sign that could mean he might secretly be crushing on her, too; the downplaying of his relationship with the gf ("nothing special") and exaggeration of every small encounter he has with the girl on campus. I believe that OP may be obsessing over a guy who has a girlfriend and is trying to garner validation from strangers. This may be why she badgers for more and more detailed responses from people who say they think the boyfriend is in love with the campus girl. Those responses are likely feeding her obsession. 

Of course, I could be wrong. I doubt it, though, and this thread is eerily similar to one from years ago. Poppykate, members here can help you more if you post from your own real perspective if this is the case.


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## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Only he can answer that question. What kind of a pass does he give her that you also want? Like a library pass or a pass to go out somewhere? Just ask him for one. He probably goes to the Uni so much because she's there, and if she's approached him more than once, you can rest assured that she'll do it again.


By pass i mean overlooking and getting nice to her again. He is holds anger for me for days and makes no effort to make up but for her, he gets normal within a few hours. That is why he decides to act soft around her.

Yes she is the one who does the approaching. This was the first time ge said hello which my friend suspected that he made himself look unavailable or rude to her which is why she was hesitating to come to him.

But today the girl gave him a huge smile and said hi too so my bf at least got the message that shes normal as well and now he will probably expect her to come to him 

Why is he doing ?


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## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Why is he doing ?


I honestly don't know; you will need to ask him if you truly do want answers. I'm really sorry, I don't know what else to tell you. You can keep beating this dead horse for another few weeks, but unless and until you sit him down and talk to him, you're not going to get answers. Good luck to you!


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## Poppykate

Well here is another update. He was there at the uni briefly and he saw her and unlike last time when he didnt hold the door for her, this time he held the door and left it open as she was coming.

My friend and another friend are working on a political project and he has joined in too. So she saw his attitude towards her and how it has suddenly changed. What is going on with him and his recent changes?


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## Rubix Cubed

*DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*

*DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*

*DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*

*DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*

Is that clear enough?


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## custommultirotor

She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it.


Poppykate said:


> I didnt argue. I asked questions. Now I asked you a question but you didnt have an answer so now you are taking jabs at me.
> If you truly think he likes her then why the heck did he sleep with me and ignore her?


Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest

custommultirotor said:


> She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it.
> 
> 
> Poppykate said:
> 
> 
> 
> I didnt argue. I asked questions. Now I asked you a question but you didnt have an answer so now you are taking jabs at me.
> If you truly think he likes her then why the heck did he sleep with me and ignore her?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

LOL


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## Poppykate

Rubix Cubed said:


> *DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*
> 
> *DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*
> 
> *DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*
> 
> *DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!*
> 
> Is that clear enough?


I'm on the verge of it but do u think hes doing this to get her back?


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## Poppykate

custommultirotor said:


> She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


Such a grumpy and sad soul who judges other people. Must be a failure lol


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## Rubix Cubed

Poppykate said:


> I'm on the verge of it but do u think hes doing this to get her back?


 Yes.


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## Poppykate

Rubix Cubed said:


> Yes.


Well ots pretty strange that he ignores her and then acts warmer towards her all of a sudden? He's already hinted today that he's not sure about us


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## personofinterest

Nevermind. Lol


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## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> Nevermind. Lol


Bullying is all u know right lol 😂


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## Poppykate

3leafclover said:


> As a rule, I lurk and read ocassionally but don't post anymore, but it's almost painful watching this go on and on...
> 
> Read the whole thread again as if the OP is the "crush" on campus and not the gf, and it all makes a lot more sense: the third person omniscient point of view (e.g. the friend just always happens to be around); the fixation on every little sign that could mean he might secretly be crushing on her, too; the downplaying of his relationship with the gf ("nothing special") and exaggeration of every small encounter he has with the girl on campus. I believe that OP may be obsessing over a guy who has a girlfriend and is trying to garner validation from strangers. This may be why she badgers for more and more detailed responses from people who say they think the boyfriend is in love with the campus girl. Those responses are likely feeding her obsession.
> 
> Of course, I could be wrong. I doubt it, though, and this thread is eerily similar to one from years ago. Poppykate, members here can help you more if you post from your own real perspective if this is the case.


Lmao ���������� this is hilarious. You people have no responses so you assume, accuse and bully omfg. Pls stop.
You must be really thick to understand that I keep downplaying every opinion which says he likes her. 

And did you bully another user years ago too? So its a pattern.. i know you people have failed marriages and nobody likes you but dont think everyone is a failure like you guys though.


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## Poppykate

custommultirotor said:


> She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


And you, you are reported for harassment Mr Failure


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## personofinterest

Poppykate said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> Nevermind. Lol
> 
> 
> 
> Bullying is all u know right lol 😂
Click to expand...

Sweetie, you dont know me. I'm not the one who has spent 30 pages obsessing about why my **** of boyfriend is ignoring another girl. I kissed my awesome hubby goodbye before we left for our jobs this mirning.

I dont know why your bf is acting weird, but you deserve better than a guy who won't make you his one and only.


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## DustyDog

Poppykate said:


> By pass i mean overlooking and getting nice to her again. He is holds anger for me for days and makes no effort to make up but for her, he gets normal within a few hours. That is why he decides to act soft around her.
> 
> Yes she is the one who does the approaching. This was the first time ge said hello which my friend suspected that he made himself look unavailable or rude to her which is why she was hesitating to come to him.
> 
> But today the girl gave him a huge smile and said hi too so my bf at least got the message that shes normal as well and now he will probably expect her to come to him
> 
> Why is he doing ?


My dear, communications is the backbone of the relationship. Knowing who to ask is the key. If you want to know why your boyfriend is doing certain things, you ask him, not anonymous strangers on the internet.

The act of going to the internet and discussing with third parties, things that really ought to be discussed between the two of you, will seem to him as manipulative and sneaky. If this really is the way you want to pursue a relationship, then you're going to end up with a whole lot of trust issues, that are not his fault.

Please re-think your approach.


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## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Such a grumpy and sad soul who judges other people. Must be a failure lol


You know, @Poppykate, you've accused numerous people of being bullies here (myself included). So then why do you feel the need to call people failures? Don't you think that maybe that might be bullying as well?


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## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Lmao ���������� this is hilarious. You people have no responses so you assume, accuse and bully omfg. *Pls stop.*
> You must be really thick to understand that I keep downplaying every opinion which says he likes her.
> 
> *And did you bully another user years ago too?* So its a pattern.. *i know you people have failed marriages and nobody likes you but dont think everyone is a failure like you guys though*.


First bold, yes, please, stop. Do something about your BF problem IRL now. It's been a good couple weeks of this back and forth.

Second bold, you just accused @3leafclover of bullying another user/poster years ago. I have no idea if this is true or not, as I just joined this site in December 2016, so I'm still fairly new to this. But, this tells me that you've been around for a good long while, not only since February 2018 like your join date states. Are you an old poster with a new alternative personality?

Third bold, do you consider your response to be bullying too? You stated in that sentence that no one likes us (the posters), and insulted the failed marriages of the people on the board, as well as calling pretty much everyone here a failure. You have absolutely no grounds to do that. You don't know us, any of us. You don't know the hell some of us have been through, and while some of us are still unfortunately stuck there for various reasons, some of us have come through it all. I feel confident stating that many of us are better, stronger, more determined, level-headed and open-hearted people from what we've been through. So, for someone to come in and call us all failures is ludicrous and is hurtful. I am NOT a failure, and shame on you for saying this.


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## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> You know, @Poppykate, you've accused numerous people of being bullies here (myself included). So then why do you feel the need to call people failures? Don't you think that maybe that might be bullying as well?


The first person who called me a failure is a bully. I'm defending myself


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## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> First bold, yes, please, stop. Do something about your BF problem IRL now. It's been a good couple weeks of this back and forth.
> 
> Second bold, you just accused @3leafclover of bullying another user/poster years ago. I have no idea if this is true or not, as I just joined this site in December 2016, so I'm still fairly new to this. But, this tells me that you've been around for a good long while, not only since February 2018 like your join date states. Are you an old poster with a new alternative personality?
> 
> Third bold, do you consider your response to be bullying too? You stated in that sentence that no one likes us (the posters), and insulted the failed marriages of the people on the board, as well as calling pretty much everyone here a failure. You have absolutely no grounds to do that. You don't know us, any of us. You don't know the hell some of us have been through, and while some of us are still unfortunately stuck there for various reasons, some of us have come through it all. I feel confident stating that many of us are better, stronger, more determined, level-headed and open-hearted people from what we've been through. So, for someone to come in and call us all failures is ludicrous and is hurtful. I am NOT a failure, and shame on you for saying this.


You are such silly person. First you accuse me of being an old poster and then instead of telling others who first called me a failure, you are attacking me for defending myself.

What a horrible community is this. Cant you read that the other person called be a failure first? If you call me a failure then I should just sit and listen to accusations right? Wow

I didnt know that its dictatorship here. Others can accuse but I cant.


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## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> You are such silly person. First you accuse me of being an old poster and then instead of telling others who first called me a failure, you are attacking me for defending myself.
> 
> What a horrible community is this. Cant you read that the other person called be a failure first? If you call me a failure then I should just sit and listen to accusations right? Wow
> 
> I didnt know that its dictatorship here. Others can accuse but I cant.


Who called you a failure? Please quote their post here.


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## personofinterest

No one did. This is not a 25 year old woman. This is either a board high schooler are a previously band member making noise. And I know that I'm gonna get a sanction for this period but I'm sick of it. She needs to graduate from middle school or own up to who she is and why she's back under another username. Enough already


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## Ursula

personofinterest said:


> No one did. This is not a 25 year old woman. This is either a board high schooler are a previously band member making noise. And I know that I'm gonna get a sanction for this period but I'm sick of it. She needs to graduate from middle school or own up to who she is and why she's back under another username. Enough already


I agree. Since @MattMatt's reply to my in-depth question, I've been being nice and advocating for this poster, but since she lumped us all together as no one liking any of us and all of us here being failures with failed marriages, I'm beyond hurt. I'm not even mad, I could just cry. With that one little remard from Poppy, it brought back a rush of feelings of "I'm used goods", "who's going to want me after this". Yeah, I have a failed marriage, half of which was my own fault, but I've worked my butt off to come back a better, stronger person, and instead of only _taking_ advice from others here, I'm now trying to offer help to those in need. Then, someone comes in a steamrolls. And the sad thing? She probably doesn't have a clue as to the impact of her words on some.


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## Poppykate

custommultirotor said:


> She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> No one did. This is not a 25 year old woman. This is either a board high schooler are a previously band member making noise. And I know that I'm gonna get a sanction for this period but I'm sick of it. She needs to graduate from middle school or own up to who she is and why she's back under another username. Enough already


Liar. I just quoted a member who said it and you quoted saying LOL.. Too bad you got caught.

Ooh back with another username? Just get out of this thread. Aged more than 30 yet picking on younger people. Disgusting


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## Poppykate

personofinterest said:


> LOL


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> I agree. Since @MattMatt's reply to my in-depth question, I've been being nice and advocating for this poster, but since she lumped us all together as no one liking any of us and all of us here being failures with failed marriages, I'm beyond hurt. I'm not even mad, I could just cry. With that one little remard from Poppy, it brought back a rush of feelings of "I'm used goods", "who's going to want me after this". Yeah, I have a failed marriage, half of which was my own fault, but I've worked my butt off to come back a better, stronger person, and instead of only _taking_ advice from others here, I'm now trying to offer help to those in need. Then, someone comes in a steamrolls. And the sad thing? She probably doesn't have a clue as to the impact of her words on some.


Instead of agreeing to this poster who basically quoted the post calling my life a failure as LOL, learn TO READ instead of listening to a liar. I just quotedthat posters comment.


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## Ursula

Quote:
Originally Posted by custommultirotor View Post
She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk



Poppykate said:


> Instead of agreeing to this poster who basically quoted the post calling my life a failure as LOL, *learn TO READ* instead of listening to a liar. I just quotedthat posters comment.


There's the quote, and the person @custommultirotor made a comment about failures in someone's life, they didn't call anyone a failure. Everyone has failures in life, nothing is perfect and peachy, we ALL go through failures. That's what makes us strong humans, going through the tough times. Please see bold above. And BTW, thanks for the apology.


----------



## ReformedHubby

3leafclover said:


> As a rule, I lurk and read ocassionally but don't post anymore, but it's almost painful watching this go on and on...
> 
> Read the whole thread again as if the OP is the "crush" on campus and not the gf, and it all makes a lot more sense: the third person omniscient point of view (e.g. the friend just always happens to be around); the fixation on every little sign that could mean he might secretly be crushing on her, too; the downplaying of his relationship with the gf ("nothing special") and exaggeration of every small encounter he has with the girl on campus. I believe that OP may be obsessing over a guy who has a girlfriend and is trying to garner validation from strangers. This may be why she badgers for more and more detailed responses from people who say they think the boyfriend is in love with the campus girl. Those responses are likely feeding her obsession.
> 
> Of course, I could be wrong. I doubt it, though, and this thread is eerily similar to one from years ago. Poppykate, members here can help you more if you post from your own real perspective if this is the case.


Ding, Ding, Ding! Winner, winner chicken dinner. Not sure why anyone took this poster seriously. Does anyone think that any third party would keep providing such an excruciatingly level of detail when literally nothing is going on?


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## Ursula

ReformedHubby said:


> Ding, Ding, Ding! Winner, winner chicken dinner. Not sure why anyone took this poster seriously. Does anyone think that any third party would keep providing such an excruciatingly level of detail when literally nothing is going on?


Winner, winner chicken dinner -- I couldn't agree more. He/she is just so vicious and hurtful and unapologetic, but I've since reported him/her. I'm done being insulted, and am taking my power back. He/she can't touch me anymore because they no longer hold that power.


----------



## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Winner, winner chicken dinner -- I couldn't agree more. He/she is just so vicious and hurtful and unapologetic, but I've since reported him/her. I'm done being insulted, and am taking my power back. He/she can't touch me anymore because they no longer hold that power.


Bullies 😂😂😂😂😂


----------



## Poppykate

ReformedHubby said:


> Ding, Ding, Ding! Winner, winner chicken dinner. Not sure why anyone took this poster seriously. Does anyone think that any third party would keep providing such an excruciatingly level of detail when literally nothing is going on?


Ding Ding Ding! Keep making assumptions! Crazies 😂


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## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by custommultirotor View Post
> She has the habit of taking jabs at people she doesn't know. That says a lot about her character. Must be from failures in her own life, and she lashes out at others due to that. Sad really. Pray for people like this. They surely need it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk
> 
> 
> 
> There's the quote, and the person @custommultirotor made a comment about failures in someone's life, they didn't call anyone a failure. Everyone has failures in life, nothing is perfect and peachy, we ALL go through failures. That's what makes us strong humans, going through the tough times. Please see bold above. And BTW, thanks for the apology.



He said failures from my own life. Cant you read you bully? Or you and your group of 40 year olds decide to tear apart people while acting victim? Your comprehension skills are incredibly poor and nope I didnt apologize to a vicious group like you people. 
Get a life other than abusing people 20 years younger than you.


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## Poppykate

@MattMatt Is this the kind of people who allow on this site? These people are viciously attacking me and my posts. Laughing at my posts and calling my life a failure and you are not doing anything about it. All I needed was true advice and help but these people have ganged up and are making offensive remarks from calling me a third poster to even assuming my gender to he. Could you please explain why this kind of vicious behaviour is tolerated?


----------



## Poppykate

ReformedHubby said:


> Ding, Ding, Ding! Winner, winner chicken dinner. Not sure why anyone took this poster seriously. Does anyone think that any third party would keep providing such an excruciatingly level of detail when literally nothing is going on?


Btw thanks for admitting theres nothing going on. Thats what I wanted to hear.&#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834; Literally admitted what I was wanting to hear and what I kept saying throughout. Thank you! &#55357;&#56855; @Ursula thanks &#55357;&#56834;


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## Ursula

Poppykate said:


> Btw thanks for admitting theres nothing going on. Thats what I wanted to hear.�������� Literally admitted what I was wanting to hear and what I kept saying throughout. Thank you! �� @Ursula thanks ��


Huh? That was a post by @ReformedHubby that I quoted; please go back and read again. Thanks!


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## Poppykate

Ursula said:


> Huh? That was a post by @ReformedHubby that I quoted; please go back and read again. Thanks!


You really dont understand dont you? You agreed with him too so I added you too. Thanks for proving me right though. At least you guys admitted he doesnt like her so technically I was right all along 😂


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## Ursula

Never mind. Post deleted!


----------

