# Need Advice/Input from Mature (read: older) Men



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

I am reflecting on things after helping my parents celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary. A truly big occasion, especially since my wife had an EA and filed for divorce after 6 years. It soured my view and enthusiasm for a long-term committed relationship for some time.

I have moved on and I've found a good woman who I've been with for a couple of years. I can see a future with this girl, but I also see what fun it is to be single and do what I want.

I see my parents, who are clearly still in love, start to get older and the pains that go with that. I am not sure I want to do it. I know I will get older, slow down and not be able to do the things I enjoy now. That includes things with my partner. 

So my question(s) to the older, wiser and more experienced men on the forum: is it worth it? What have you found, after decades with a woman, keeps you there? Do you regret not going around and being on your own? What benefits are there to being with someone all the time when you're in your 60s, 70s and can't do a lot of the things with your partner that you used to?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Those are very thought provoking questions.

And there is no 'one size fits all' answer.

The aging process can be very difficult. When a spouse becomes unable to walk very well or other maladies it creates a strain on the other. 

Here is my best thought...

It depends on the love relationship two people have. People who have a deep and genuine love/friendship want to care for each other and just "be" together. The aging process really tells one where they truly stand in a relationship.

But going old "together" isn't for everybody. If you can't be totally committed to it, don't start down the path. I know several people aging that remain close friends instead, but never marry or live together.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

thatbpguy said:


> Those are very thought provoking questions.
> 
> And there is no 'one size fits all' answer.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your feedback, thatbpguy. My biggest concern, is not the maladies necessarily, but just the inability due to money, or unable to withstand long travel times for example, to do the things we enjoy. I have two kids, so I'd be able to see them and (hopefully) have grandchildren to enjoy.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Late fifties here with her 30 years now. May parents were together 64 years before dad passed. His last few years were a struggle with a number of ailments including Alzheimer's. Mom was his primary care giver through it all until the last few days of hospice. You don't know how comforting is was to my sibs and I that he had her there to care for him and not being in a for profit assisted living complex. It's the love and care by your mate that can't be imitated.

For my wife and I, we are deeply committed and as our nest empties, spend huge amounts of time together, with just us. 50 - 60 hours a week. We are in a combination of Phileo and Storge love at this point of our marriage.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3991-five-kinds-love.html

We are affectionate and have a healthy sex life but at 57 my drive is down quite a bit from just a few years ago. I can't imagine knocking around without her by my side. We share common interests in sports, cooking and home improvement. Hold similar political, moral and religious views and share a quirky sense of humor. We do all the same things we have in the past with the exception of my love of roller coasters and a heart condition I developed a few years ago. 

What probably most strikes me with your questions is how we react in crisis as we recently had to with our youngest. We circled the wagons for us all, set a plan and supported each other as a family and as a couple. At times when either of us was at an emotional breaking point the other sensed it, took control and supported the other. That's the kind of support mechanism that grows from a very long term relationship. Dealing with this crisis without it would have been extremely difficult on our own. 

No I don't regret spending the better part of my life with her nor feel like I've not fully "lived" by forfeiting the freedom of bachelorhood.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do what makes you comfortable. If you do NOT want to get married, then don't. If you do, go for it.

One size does not fit all.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

> At times when either of us was at an emotional breaking point the other sensed it, took control and supported the other. That's the kind of support mechanism that grows from a very long term relationship.


Thank you for your reply. The problem I have is my inability, despite my best efforts, to sense things. I didn't sense things with my ex until near the very end. By that point the ship has sailed. 

I am trying now and have made slight improvements, but still have difficulty. Maybe this is something I will never overcome.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I think it comes down to 1 thing.

Do you want to share your life with someone or not? 

OR do you want/love companionship?

If you don't really care for it, by all means don't get involved (why bother).

If it's something that you love and want in life (like me for example) then find the right partner.

Personally, I just don't see myself living by myself or on my own and being very happy. I crave and require companionship. It's important to me to have someone close to me that loves me and we enjoy each others company......partner in life.....


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