# I think Im starting to wear him out!



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Ive got a somewhat interesting question for everyone. In the past 6 months there has been an incredible peak in my sex drive. I think about it all the time and I want to do it all the time. I feel like one of my teenage sons. 

I am going to be 44 in June, H is 52. We have been having sex daily with a 1 day break here and there. This has been going on since late February. So basically having sex 5-6 days a week. H has been more than accommodating to my peak as of late. He has been having no issues whatsoever with getting it up and keeping it there. I am actually quite impressed by him as I thought because of his age he would lose interest and really slow down. Not the case. 

We usually go upstairs to bed together every night. Last night I went up and he wasnt ready to go yet, he wanted to finish laundry. I dont know when he came to bed as I was sleeping when he got there. But I do know that he definitely did not hold me when he did come to bed and he always does. So this morning I said to him, you didnt even hold me when you came to bed last night. He admitted to me that he was afraid to because he was so tired and didnt want to have sex. So he thought if he put his arm around me I would jump him! He was probably right. The poor guy. He is so afraid to reject me, doesnt want to make me feel bad. I really think I am starting to wear him out. 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to take my execessively high sex drive down a notch? This is crazy! If you told me I was going to be like this a year ago I would have never believed it. I really dont want to wear this man out. We have a fantastic sex life and I would like to keep it that way. I think I am just too much for him right now. And the thought of him starting to have performance issues would be devestating. 

I am also on the BC pill which in the past has actually lowered my drive. I am on my last pack and stopping at the request of my GYN. She wants to test my hormone levels as I have been having some issues.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A plan to lower his wife's sex drive??? You're kidding, right? That's like a plan to prevent him from being wealthy. Every guy should have such a "problem". You just keep doing what you're doing. They should analyze you, find out what you have and pass some around to all these LD wives. He's not going to die and if he does, he'll go with a grin on his face.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> A plan to lower his wife's sex drive??? You're kidding, right? That's like a plan to prevent him from being wealthy. Every guy should have such a "problem". You just keep doing what you're doing. They should analyze you, find out what you have and pass some around to all these LD wives. He's not going to die and if he does, he'll go with a grin on his face.


Thank you for your kind words! I may be making something out of nothing but I'm just afraid of "being too much to handle".


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Would he be willing to hold you or assist you while you use a toy on yourself? That way, he would not have to "perform" every time. Would you be willing to do that at times you know he's worn out? Threre is still intimacy in that act, even without intercourse.

Tamping down on your sex drive should be the last thing you want to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Convection said:


> Would he be willing to hold you or assist you while you use a toy on yourself? That way, he would not have to "perform" every time. Would you be willing to do that at times you know he's worn out? Threre is still intimacy in that act, even without intercourse.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree....dont try to tamper down your sex drive.

Get a toy or two....or better yet have him.get you a toy or two. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

I don't see why you can't keep it to an almost every day sex rate.

3-5 times a week and some weeks do more. Manage it like a HD husband.

We would be wise enough not to take it every single time...


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Buy a Sybian?


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

As Martin Lawrence would ask, "What the problem is?"


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Convection said:


> Would he be willing to hold you or assist you while you use a toy on yourself? That way, he would not have to "perform" every time. Would you be willing to do that at times you know he's worn out? Threre is still intimacy in that act, even without intercourse.
> 
> Tamping down on your sex drive should be the last thing you want to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He feels funny assisting me with a toy but has no problems using his fingers. I have no issues masterbating in front of him, done it many times. He thinks its hot. 

I read on another thread that vibrators can desensitize you so I'm thinking about cutting that back as I don't want to have any trouble hitting the big "O". I see where you are going with this though. Not a bad idea.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> Buy a Sybian?


Ok I give up, what's a Sybian?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think you need to make it safe for him to tell you no if he's too tired. 

I find it sad that he avoided you out of fear you wanted sex.

There is no reason to lower your drive. Ya'll just need to learn to communicate.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I think you need to make it safe for him to tell you no if he's too tired.
> 
> I find it sad that he avoided you out of fear you wanted sex.
> 
> There is no reason to lower your drive. Ya'll just need to learn to communicate.


Your "problem" sounds like a dream come true for many of the males in this section on the forum.

Are you around the same size when you initially attracted him?

If you gained some weight, it might not be a bad idea to lose it and tighten up.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> I think you need to make it safe for him to tell you no if he's too tired.
> 
> I find it sad that he avoided you out of fear you wanted sex.
> 
> There is no reason to lower your drive. Ya'll just need to learn to communicate.


I did tell him once last week that it was ok to tell me if he was too tired. I am not afraid of rejection. I just often wonder if it is all too much for him? I am the one often initiating. We have been communicating excellent these days so there is no conversation off limits. 

I guess what I am wondering is if he is sometimes saying yes when he would rather say no. I dont want it to become a chore for him. As I said, he really is having 0 performance issues. I guess I just want to make sure Im not pushing for it too much. 

Although we communicate great I wonder if he would tell me the truth about this one?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

DaddyLongShanks said:


> Your "problem" sounds like a dream come true for many of the males in this section on the forum.
> 
> Are you around the same size when you initially attracted him?
> 
> If you gained some weight, it might not be a bad idea to lose it and tighten up.


What?

I was trying to help the OP. I'm happy with my sex life. 

Yes my drive is higher than his but we've worked it out.

Communication + testosterone for him = happy wife.

And I'm thin and fit thank you for asking.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> There is no reason to lower your drive. Ya'll just need to learn to communicate.


:iagree:

In addition to communicating,he has to learn to trust that you're able to follow through with what you've talked about.That you won't get angry at him for turning you down.

I always worry I'm wearing out SO


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DaddyLongShanks said:


> Are you around the same size when you initially attracted him?
> 
> If you gained some weight, it might not be a bad idea to lose it and tighten up.


:scratchhead:


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> :iagree:
> 
> In addition to communicating,he has to learn to trust that you're able to follow through with what you've talked about.That you won't get angry at him for turning you down.
> 
> I always worry I'm wearing out SO


Good point. I will definitely need to speak with him about this tonight and reassure him. 

I'm glad I'm not alone in worrying about this!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

LoriC said:


> Good point. I will definitely need to speak with him about this tonight and reassure him.
> 
> I'm glad I'm not alone in worrying about this!


nope,you're not alone  

Not saying that you do this,but I know I've done it to my SO in the past:
the scenario...we're in bed,I'm cuddled up to him and he's all warm and soft so of COURSE I have to get sexy with him.he kinda gives me that sweet smile of his and says in the most gentle way "sweetie I'm really tired,can we wait until tomorrow?"
I smile,kiss him and say "absolutely baby". Trying to convince myself AND him that it didn't sting at all to be turned down.But somehow he ends up feeling that "hurty" vibe from me then questions me about it until I admit I was a little sore about it.

It got better after I realized he really does want me all the time and if he isn't exhausted he won't turn me down.

Is your H maybe getting a hurt or rejected vibe? That's the only thing I can think of since you have let him know that it's reasonable for him to turn you down when he's tired so he has no reason to avoid you til you're asleep unless he gets that undertone of hurt somehow.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

LoriC said:


> Ok I give up, what's a Sybian?


Sybian - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

isn't the point of sex to wear someone out?


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> :scratchhead:


I wasn't bashing you. You mentioned that you are "wearing out" the husband as in you are the HD and he's not quite a full blown LD, but more of an LD where he can turn it down often.

I was just pointing out some things which may not be exactly obvious to people when they get into these situations.

As an HD wife, you need to be hanging around some of the LD wives in these sections so some of it can rub off on the LD wives.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wait what now? You want her to rub other women?


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

DaddyLongShanks said:


> Your "problem" sounds like a dream come true for many of the males in this section on the forum.
> 
> Are you around the same size when you initially attracted him?
> 
> If you gained some weight, it might not be a bad idea to lose it and tighten up.


There are not any issues with the attraction my husband has for me. That is not a problem at all. I have put weight on since we met more than 22 years ago, but if I decide to lose weight, it will be for me not him. That is not to say I don’t want to look good for him. I always do look good for him.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> nope,you're not alone
> 
> Not saying that you do this,but I know I've done it to my SO in the past:
> the scenario...we're in bed,I'm cuddled up to him and he's all warm and soft so of COURSE I have to get sexy with him.he kinda gives me that sweet smile of his and says in the most gentle way "sweetie I'm really tired,can we wait until tomorrow?"
> ...


Again my dear Scarlet you may be on to something. Didn't think of that either.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Whatever you do, don't lower your sex drive. You are the ideal woman.:smthumbup:

Do you have a sister?

As you get older, your sex drive will taper off so enjoy it. 

Your hubby could take a test booster and weight train. That would get his libido up.

You could buy toys for yourself and he could use them on you if he's too tired and can't perform some nights.

There's no such thing as too much sex.....


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Whatever you do, don't lower your sex drive. You are the ideal woman.:smthumbup:
> 
> Do you have a sister?
> 
> ...


I don't think I have the option of lowering it so don't worry Cuddlebug! 

I'm just trying to think proactively right now. Im trying to head off a potential problem. I love having sex with him which is why I don't want to wear him out!!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP I agree with the posters that said it is about communication. If he is coming to bed late then talk now and stop that from becoming a habit.

SO and I are both very HD but even so there are times when either is too tired. We have kind words we use to express this usually starting out with how much we want and love the other "I love you babe but am tired right now and need a little bit of sleep, tap me on the shoulder a bit later night".
This way it is not rejection, it is just putting it off for a couple of hours after some sleep.

A cycle of rejection can build without you even knowing it.

As for lowering your libido, don't think about doing that. Instead of trying to change who you are think about talking to your husband and both of you find some kind and loving words and ways to feel safe in the knowledge that you love each other and while right now might not be good for sex for either of you, it is simply a postponing not a rejection.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

my husband and I are great at communication too....except about sex. so just because you and your husband communicate well, doesn't mean that he isn't holding back what he's feeling. If my husband coaxed me more or was more receptive, less defensive on the topic, we'd have a lot more sex conversations.

I know what it's like to not want to offend a partner so silence or avoidance seems like the only alternative.

I guess what you need to do is have full communication disclosure.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

My wife has a single friend who is 42 and very attractive. She was telling my wife that her sex drive is through the roof and her 26 year old boyfriend can barley keep up! I guess I know why she is dating younger. I love my wife but he is one lucky dude!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

LC - what you describe is very common for women in their late 30's and in their 40's, sounds like a hormonal shift. Generally, when a woman of this age begins to see a dramatic increase in her sex drive, it is because of a shift in her hormonal balance towards testosterone.

My wife experienced a similar shift about 1.5 years ago. She was like an 18 year old boy, wanted it it all the time, at least daily. She would have to take an extra pair of panties to the office with her because her p*ssy was constantly wet.

She was pretty much up for anything sexual at any time, got very into me giving her oral and using her vibrator with and without me. On some occasions, she would have 20 or more orgasms in a session.

This lasted about 5-6 months, and I milked it for all it was worth, I didn't care if I was exhausted. If I didn't think I could get it up again soon enough, I'd pop a viagra.

I knew it couldn't last, but the good thing was it changed her attitude about sex permanently, she now appreciates how a man feels when he really needs to get off.

I would say keep the lines of communication open, and enjoy this time to the fullest extent possible while it lasts!


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

keeper63 said:


> LC - what you describe is very common for women in their late 30's and in their 40's, sounds like a hormonal shift. Generally, when a woman of this age begins to see a dramatic increase in her sex drive, it is because of a shift in her hormonal balance towards testosterone.
> 
> My wife experienced a similar shift about 1.5 years ago. She was like an 18 year old boy, wanted it it all the time, at least daily. She would have to take an extra pair of panties to the office with her because her p*ssy was constantly wet.
> 
> ...


Thanks very much for this post. It is nice to hear from the other side of this. Believe me my H has said the same to me that he will enjoy this as long as it will last. He is by no means complaining. There have also been no performance issues either. He has never taken a Viagra in his life. However it is comforting to know that the blue pill is out there if needed ;-)

This morning he said to me he likes to skip a day every once in a while because Im a wild horn dog by the time I get it the next day and it is very passionate. So perhaps the H has a strategy here


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

he is aware that he doesn't have to "perform" every time, yes?

he could always just kiss you while you masturbate or something similar like that


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> he is aware that he doesn't have to "perform" every time, yes?
> 
> he could always just kiss you while you masturbate or something similar like that



He is aware, but feels bad saying no. 

And yes I have masturbated in front of him plenty of times, Im fine with that if we are not going to have sex.

I prefer those kisses are on the boobs, that really gets me off! :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LoriC said:


> Does anyone have any suggestions on how to take my execessively high sex drive down a notch? This is crazy! If you told me I was going to be like this a year ago I would have never believed it. I really dont want to wear this man out. We have a fantastic sex life and I would like to keep it that way. I think I am just too much for him right now. And the thought of him starting to have performance issues would be devestating.


I was where you WAS and I *couldn't* lower it....just thinking about pushing that down ...would case me to get irritated... like "THIS IS MY TIME...damn it....I want to enjoy it"....I was loving it....I just did my best to keep it interesting for him - to hold HIS allure/ make it worth HIS while....new novelty.....places... lingerie... flirting...oral oral & more oral .....I did buy 2 toys in trying to leave him alone... 

And God Bless him...he told me he didn't want me to use them & still come to him... He'd just take a slither of Viagra if we thought it was TOO much -after so many nights in a row...

I'd say your husband is in great shape at 52...never needing anything, mine was 45 at the time and yeah... he needed some help now & then.. though I did cause him some performance pressure ....we worked through this also.. He was a real trooper... 

I made it my goal , during that unrelenting phase to be at his beck & call, whenever he was ABLE... I was READY TO GO! I pretty much lived around his erections... many morning romps (men's BEST time) 

He didn't get tired of this..even got choked up the day he THOUGHT I was slowing down..did it the night before and wasn't sure I could go again in the am...... he didn't want it to stop...like Keeper63... wanted to ride it out as long as he could...said so long as he could get it up...he wanted to USE IT.

I wouldn't allow him to do any chores around the house.... I'd get up for every breakfast, treated him like a KING... anything to keep his energy levels UP -cause if a man is tired, there goes the !! (I had my motives!) We'd call it my "FIX" during that spell...



> *keeper63 said*: This lasted about 5-6 months, and I milked it for all it was worth, I didn't care if I was exhausted. If I didn't think I could get it up again soon enough, I'd pop a viagra.


 Lasted a full 8 months for me...just as you described your wife.... then calmed...(I kept a sex calander).... Like your wife, I'll never be the same again either. 

What a glorious RUSH that was. I'll forever have sympathy on young men & what TEST does to their brains..basically it's a Hi-jacking...

LoriC...all THIS and you are on birth control pills... if you stop those , this is liable to take an UPSURGE even higher.... If I had my way, I would have jumped him 3 times a day....I had to calm those expectations- and deal with "once a day".




> *LoriC said:* Thanks very much for this post. It is nice to hear from the other side of this. *Believe me my H has said the same to me that he will enjoy this as long as it will last. He is by no means complaining.* There have also been no performance issues either. He has never taken a Viagra in his life. However it is comforting to know that the blue pill is out there if needed ;-)
> 
> This morning he said to me he likes to skip a day every once in a while because Im a wild horn dog by the time I get it the next day and it is very passionate. So perhaps the H has a strategy here


Sounds like he has a great attitude ! :smthumbup:


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I was where you WAS and I *couldn't* lower it....just thinking about pushing that down ...would case me to get irritated... like "THIS IS MY TIME...damn it....I want to enjoy it"....I was loving it....I just did my best to keep it interesting for him - to hold HIS allure/ make it worth HIS while....new novelty.....places... lingerie... flirting...oral oral & more oral .....I did buy 2 toys in trying to leave him alone...
> 
> And God Bless him...he told me he didn't want me to use them & still come to him... He'd just take a slither of Viagra if we thought it was TOO much -after so many nights in a row...
> 
> ...


*God Love him, he really does. Im feeling better about all this thanks to all my TAM friends. I am kind of feeling silly for being afraid to "break" him. *


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LoriC said:


> *Totally agree with the morning time, funny you mention this! When I wake up, if he is hard I cannot resist! I tell him, "you cant let a hard penis go to waste" This cracks him up*


 I was the same....I'd describe myself as the Little girl in the candy store..nothing thrilled me more...I had it BAD.... sounds ridiculous...but it's something I took for granted for so many years....seemed he was ALWAYS up... It's like I finally found my sexual self & I was going to live that to the hilt..and take him along. 

This is a cruel joke God plays on the sexes -our "Primes" being 20 yrs apart...  



> *
> God Love him, he really does. Im feeling better about all this thanks to all my TAM friends. I am kind of feeling silly for being afraid to "break" him. *


 Yeah...from all you have shared /in other posts as well...and in this thread too.....he sounds like my husband -- but even in better Testosterone health - lucky you. 

I had my husband tested at age 45 , we learned his levels were on the lower side of Normal....the Encron told us his #'s were normal for a man in his 60's [email protected]#$% --this darn comment of hers played on my mind for months.....questioning his desire.. bla bla bla... until I read , for some men, these #'s are OK for them, they might have been lower all of their lives... 

In Jan he had another Test (routine Physical) and here 4 yrs later, he had a higher # than he did for all 9 tests years back... I was pretty excited about that. Seemed all that romping even Upped his levels a little... I don't know... Nice thought...

Think of it this way too...you are doing this for his health....

Use it or lose it: Yes, it's true


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Just emailed the article to my H ;-) 

Thanks


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## mdill (Jan 18, 2012)

LoriC said:


> Ive got a somewhat interesting question for everyone. In the past 6 months there has been an incredible peak in my sex drive. I think about it all the time and I want to do it all the time. I feel like one of my teenage sons.
> 
> I am going to be 44 in June, H is 52. We have been having sex daily with a 1 day break here and there. This has been going on since late February. So basically having sex 5-6 days a week. H has been more than accommodating to my peak as of late. He has been having no issues whatsoever with getting it up and keeping it there. I am actually quite impressed by him as I thought because of his age he would lose interest and really slow down. Not the case.
> 
> ...


Lori, from a guys perspective you have to be kidding..right? You sound like my DW when she was in her 40's...she wanted me daily. I was in my early 50's and historically HD, but daily and sometimes 2X a day was a challenge. But the thought that my DW wanted me was such a turn on, how could I not respond. However, I did suggest we make our time together a priority and plan it for late afternoon/early evening. I have more energy at that time. So it helps. Fast forward 10+ years, we still look forward to our "happy hours" daily (almost daily at this point do to schedules and some health issues). Please talk to your DW about this. If he is like me, he is so turned on by his DW's desire he will find a way to respond. He will not want you to step down your desire and drive!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

LoriC one thing Mr H did was to write me a beautiful letter that I keep in the bedside table. basically saying that if I was reading it then it meant that although he loves and desires me, he is just too tired at that time, he needed to sleep and then when energised again I would get his full attention. It has helped me incredibly as I have a issue from the past with rejection. He is in his 50"s, me in my mid 40's, both HD but I can always go one more round. I don't want to feel like I am wearing him out so I leave him to sleep in the knowledge that he loves me and wants me. 

Whatever you have to do, just do it. You guys sound solid, never let a small issue become a big one.


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