# I don't know what to think



## kristen11 (Jun 15, 2011)

A month ago my husband filed for divorce even though I'm pregnant and due in August because he "is not in love" with me anymore. I have been working on the 180 and have not asked him to work on things nor have I called him except to tell him about my OB doctor appointments. Well, last Saturday he asked me to dinner with him and his best friends. When he came to the house he could not keep his eyes off me nor could he stop from looking me in the eyes. I could see the old him (the guy that was in love with me) but did not want to read into it. After dinner he asked for a hug and I did not give him a full hug because I'm still hurting. Today after I picked up a table and chairs from his Grandparents for my baby shower that is this weekend he asked me to dinner, this time just him and I. Later, after I came home he texted me saying how it was nice to have dinner with me and how things are working. 

Things are working? I feel deep down like we are on the right path but I do not want to let my guard down. Should I take it he may be rethinking about our situation and wants to work it out? When I look into his eyes (which is only briefly because I don't think I can handle looking longer) I see the old him, the man who loved me and cares about me. I am taking this one day at a time and trying not to hope too much that things are working out because I don't want to be hurt again.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Things don't seem completely lost and with a baby coming, you could proceed VERY cautiously. My husband has broken up with me twice then come back twice. The third is landing me in divorce court. Just be sure he's actually working towards something because in retrospect, mine never was. Just foot in the door syndrome.

Best of luck!


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

seems like the 180 idea is working for you. Keep up with the taking care of yourself, respond if he asks for something that you are comfortable with. Remember that this is the man who told his pregnant wife he wants a divorce. you need to progress very slowly. See what he is willing to do to work on this marriage


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Your situation sounds hopeful to me also. Just keep doing what you are doing. It seems to be working.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I think he is serching for a way back. Be vigilant about what is going to happen between the two of you. Being pregnant is a very special time and he should be there to share it with you, and it sounds like that is what he wants.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

It does sound hopeful that he is attempting to return, but I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do and would urge caution. He needs to prove himself just like he did when you first met him. Appropriate questions from you would be:

Why did you say that you did not love me?

What has changed in 30 days time for you to suddenly decide you love me enough to come back?

Why should I take you back?

Even if you do decide you want to take him back, I'd do so slowly so he can *think* long and hard about what he did and why he better be sure that this time it is forever.


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## kristen11 (Jun 15, 2011)

BigToe said:


> It does sound hopeful that he is attempting to return, but I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do and would urge caution. He needs to prove himself just like he did when you first met him. Appropriate questions from you would be:
> 
> Why did you say that you did not love me?
> 
> ...


I've actually thought about those questions last night. But I realze also I need to take things slow and I'm not going to push him to do anything.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Absolutely take it slow and make you and the baby the very first priority now. I'm glad that it seems like he is trying to find a way back, but I would be extremely cautious. He not only said he didn't love you anymore, but he took the step of filing for divorce. He went pretty far to end this relationship so a couple of dinners, texts and conversations should not be enough to convince you that he's really back in love. IMHO, I would insist that he attend IC and MC appointments to figure out what happened and why he felt the need to flip flop like this. Both of you need to get to the cause and understand what really happened or else there is no telling when he won't rip the rug out from under you again.


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