# 6 months in



## lane14 (May 20, 2013)

I know this is really long but both my mom and dad have passed away and I m not sure who I can talk to about this so any advice would be helpful. 

ok well i know they say the first year of marriage is hard but what if that first year is also part of the first year of being together. We have only been married 6 months in a couple days and it will be a year being together on the 28th.

I expected us to get into fights and disagreements but when does it go from learning to live and work together to not being compatible. it just seems like everything i do is wrong and even thinking that i do everything is wrong is bad and wrong that he is just telling me how he sees it and thinks it should be but because he has "facts" to back his beliefs and opinions and i just have how i feel to back mine they mean nothing and don't stand for anything.

also that i am not intimate enough but when i try to intimate more often its that i am not passionate enough that i don't put enough passionate into it.

i think the biggest thing has been what we have been going about the past couple days we have been talking a lot about kids and how we would raise them once we find away to have them and according to him if i raised my kids the way i want to that its completely wrong and that they will turned out screwed up. I have spent the past 4 years taking classes about kids and child development and I'v read about the best ways and I'v seen how different people do it and believe that my kids raised the way i want would turn out pretty good i know not perfect that somethings will get screwed up but overall okay. but he believes everything i am being taught in college is just a form of brainwashing and all the research and info I've read and study is bs. 

he tells me all the time that he thinks that after my dad died in September I was scared and needed someone stable in my life and I clung to him and i beginning to think its true since it was in nov barley two months after that we got married. I don't know if I am over reacting to everything or if we really shouldn't have gotten married. I do truly care about my husband and don't want to hurt him and he tells me if i were to ever leave it would kill him. I just don't know if I should stick it out and see if things get better or get out before things get worse. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Marrying someone you've known for 6 months is like buying a house after seeing it as you drive by in a car. You have no idea what it's like on the inside. It may suit you, it may not. You may be able to compromise on its "quirks", you may not. 

Why were/are you in such a hurry? Please don't consider bringing children into the relationship until you have a long period of stability. Besides the fact that you'll have a lifelong tie to your partner and its unfair to the kids to put them through an unhappy relationship, they can add a LOT of stress to a relationship. Or as someone posted in another thread, they "amplify" whatever emotions already exist in the relationship, whether its happiness or frustration.

C


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## lane14 (May 20, 2013)

the reason we got married so quickly was partly because I was scared and in bad place emotionally. My father my last living parent had just died and shortly after my husband proposed and we planed to wait almost a year to get married but then my last living grandparent my granddad was going to have surgery right after thanksgiving and given his age I was scared of him not making it and it hurt to think I wouldn't one day have either my parents or my grandparents at my wedding one day so my husband talked me into moving up the date and doing it quickly so we could make sure he was there. 

and don't worry having kids isn't in the immediate future no matter what even if we were stable right now they were going be in 2 or 3 years if not longer since we will have to adopt.


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