# How to become less clingy (needy?)



## SeparationAnxiety (Mar 24, 2016)

We are in the process of separating. She's moving out in about a month (her choice).

I am being very clingy. I kiss her all the time (on the head/shoulder, cheek if she allows it) and tail her around the house. It's hard to stop, it seems that after she told me she is leaving me, my desire for her has multiplied a hundred-fold. Plus, those pheromones and her smell - impossible to resist. Although we sleep apart, we are in the same room and I can smell her smell at night and it really turns me on.

I am trying to figure out how to get some sort of a coping mechanism for the irresistible desire to love her in whatever ways she allows me. Sometimes she moves away when I try to kiss her (on wherever I can land one). Other times she allows it, just out of compassion it seems. I know being clingy is not doing good for me if I want to reconcile with her in the future. I am not really giving her space at the moment.

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

It boils down to impulse control. The answer is simple, but will require a bit of discomfort. 

1. Become aware of the impulse.
2. Analyze the impulse.
3. Make a conscious decision to not act on it.


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## SeparationAnxiety (Mar 24, 2016)

Relationship Teacher said:


> It boils down to impulse control. The answer is simple, but will require a bit of discomfort.
> 
> 1. Become aware of the impulse.
> 2. Analyze the impulse.
> 3. Make a conscious decision to not act on it.


I think I have been sub-consciously trying to do just that, but it's really really hard. At least I've got the texting her 20 times a day part under control, so there's that. It really helped too, because now she actually desires to call and chat with me.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Get out of the house. Workout like crazy. Get in the best shape ever. Eat very healthy. Only drink water. Time to concentrate 100% on making you a better person. Unless your obese, it should only take you 6 months to get in great shape, six packs and all. It's what I did after separating and I love the new me. It gives you confidence in all areas of your life and the ladies will notice.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Big fat rubber band on your wrist.

Clingy hits you

Snap it hard


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## SeparationAnxiety (Mar 24, 2016)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Big fat rubber band on your wrist.
> 
> Clingy hits you
> 
> Snap it hard


Man, best idea in this thread, yet.

"Honey why are you wearing that bracelet? Can I see it?" 

*SNAP* *SNAP* *SNAP*, "Uhm, no! Stay away!"


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## SeparationAnxiety (Mar 24, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Get out of the house. Workout like crazy. Get in the best shape ever. Eat very healthy. Only drink water. Time to concentrate 100% on making you a better person. Unless your obese, it should only take you 6 months to get in great shape, six packs and all. It's what I did after separating and I love the new me. It gives you confidence in all areas of your life and the ladies will notice.


What do you do if you are already there? Self-improvement workout wise only works if you are a pudgy middle aged average person. I've been lifting weights non-stop my entire adult life (i.e., several decades). I did lose some weight though as part of the stress of this ordeal, so I'm in even better shape in terms of Body Mass Index.

I am going to see if I can get some new better clothes to do something in the self-improvement department.

I do have to get out more, though, but there's so little time with kids wanting attention and all.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

SeparationAnxiety said:


> What do you do if you are already there? Self-improvement workout wise only works if you are a pudgy middle aged average person. I've been lifting weights non-stop my entire adult life (i.e., several decades). I did lose some weight though as part of the stress of this ordeal, so I'm in even better shape in terms of Body Mass Index.
> 
> I am going to see if I can get some new better clothes to do something in the self-improvement department.
> 
> I do have to get out more, though, but there's so little time with kids wanting attention and all.


Physical improvement is only one small part of overall self improvement. Clothing is another. Read some books, take some classes, pick up hobbies, in general expand your mind, travel, these are the things that really change you and help you grow.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

SeparationAnxiety said:


> I think I have been sub-consciously trying to do just that, but it's really really hard. At least I've got the texting her 20 times a day part under control, so there's that. It really helped too, because now she actually desires to call and chat with me.


Your subconscious is programmed, which is in the realm of your clingy behavior. The clingy behavior wins out. You have to force it into the conscious realm.

I often say that you have to empower your logical mind. Wake up. Act on that, not the impulses.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

SeparationAnxiety said:


> Man, best idea in this thread, yet.
> 
> "Honey why are you wearing that bracelet? Can I see it?"
> 
> *SNAP* *SNAP* *SNAP*, "Uhm, no! Stay away!"


LOL.... that's exactly the visual I had. I was actually being a bit silly when I posted it. Was just in that "mood." :wink2:

You SO made me laugh just now.


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