# Analyze This!



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

My H and I are separated because of horrible things he has done, and the lies that he just can't seem to stop telling. Anyway, we have gotten together several times in the last few months (in person, phone, texts, emails) and talked unlike we have ever talked before. It has been wonderful, but the pain is still unbearable sometimes. I have GREAT days where I feel great and confident, and then I have days where I am COMPLETELY OBSESSED with him, and this whole mess. The crying is not as much as it was weeks ago, and we are all starting to "settle in" a bit. Although our marriage has been rough for the entire 22 years, HE is the one who has initiated divorce, had the affairs, etc. We were supposed to have a "dinner meeting" last night (I initiated it) but ended up going to dinner AND a movie and had a fabulous time. Even talked some about the relationship. Seems we were both on our BEST behavior last night. Before we went out he seemed genuinely glad to be in our home again, and seemed excited for us to be going out. It was just so nice and refreshing. Why is it that I feel a "spark" and an inkling that this COULD work out someday, but when I talked to him about our evening, HE viewed it as "friends," and said he has been lonely, enjoyed getting out, and still plans to proceed with the divorce? (We will not file for months due to several variables) He said that anybody can have a great time having fun, but once we got back to the "nitty gritty" of life, all the fights and stuff would start right back up. I have this unstoppable desire to FIX and mend everything that went wrong in our marriage. I was AWFUL to this man and verbally and emotionally beat him down for years. I am not too proud to admit this, and want to change! I want to be that person he needed. I want his affairs, lies, hiding money, etc. to be done with, but more than that, I want to be a good wife to him and show him the love, and attention he deserved all these years. Why is he and "the relationship" looking so desirable right NOW? Why am I so interested? .....Intrigued? Why do I care ESPECIALLY after kicking him out TWICE, and telling him it was over? The marriage has been HORRIBLE for 22 years! Why can't I move on? Is it "You want what you can't have?" Is it simply that I am fighting for our marriage? Is it that I am romanticizing something that does not nor ever DID exist? Am I just a crazed moronic idiot, or is every marriage worth a shot? We never in all these years REALLY worked on this marriage. I am just not ready to give up. I welcome ALL thoughts/opinions. Thank all of you who read this long winded thread.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

I would like to add, that there were some VALID reasons why I was bitter and harsh for so many years as I suffered through various forms of abuse by him that affected my entire family.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I had similar experience with H. He did lie to me a lot ,than I find out and I get really bitter about it,can't get over it and it made me grouchy ..I get to a point to forgive and forget only to find out 2 weeks later about another lie and here we go again.It went on for a while.I would not talk to him for days,ignore him...did everything but looked for help from a counselor or someone with more experience in life...BIG mistake.After he left me I realized that what I was doing was nothing but pushing him away..I really though that I was doing great and this is what I was supposed to be doing. I really had no idea what marriage means !
I recognized my fault too late,I now know that he has a problem and we have to get through it together ..I realized that there are no perfect people and that he is perfect for ME.
He wanted a divorce ,he was really sure about it ...don't know what I have done BUT he changed his mind after 3 agonizing months. I'm getting a second chance now,for which i'm grateful to God and I'm so happy that I understand my mistakes so I can show him the new ME.
Will be looking for help from a MC once we get back together.

You're fighting for the marriage because I think deep down inside you know you didn't handle the situations really well...that it was not the right way.You said it yourself that you treated him badly. Have you seen MC,do you consider seeking help from MC?! It could help you figure things out! 22 years is a lot of years..it's worth fighting for...seems like you guys still have feelings for each other.


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