# Female Orgasm - Mental/Emotional component?



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Last night my wife and I were making love and she had a PIV orgasm that was pretty powerful. These are pretty rare for her to have, where normally I'll have to rub her in order for her to get an orgasm. Afterwards, I asked her what was different between this time and other times where she gets close but can't get one or even only get half way there. She told me that there wasn't anything I did differently and that I will always hit the same spots. I asked her if she could think of anything else and the only thing she could come up with was that she was in the right frame of mind (or something like that).

For the ladies - and guys who may have had similar discussions with their wives - how much of your orgasm is dependent upon the state of mind or emotions at the time?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. Conan has never had a piv O but she has come pretty damn close with me a few times.

With her, and many women I suspect, the emotions and frame of mind are probably 90% of what leads to the big O.

With me, I can't even perform unless my heart and mind are into it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Pretty much all of it.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

My wife never had them from PIV. She said it didn't do all that much for her. She was all about the clit, and that was ok.

Now, a couple years back we had a particularly um, raunchy, session where she was not treated very lady-like. I actually felt kinda bad during it. Up until that point we were always very loving and rather vanilla. Anyway, she had a very powerful orgasm from PIV. 

A couple months later and many PIV O's later I asked about the "PIV doesn't do much for me" comment. She just said she was wrong and it was all in her head. What she loves now she wasn't comfortable with then. For her now there are times where she just wants to be manhandled. She says it's a need. I don't really get it, but it's what she wants. 

That said, now that she's comfortable with that want/need, she can O from loving boring vanilla PIV sex too. 

So, I'd say it's mostly mental, but I can only give my impression of how she evolved over time.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

by far the most important sex organ...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I always believed that the brain is the biggest sex organ we have. I'd say that my wife is definitely one of those people who is more sensitive to stress. She can get things done under stress, but she's not one of those types who thrive under pressure. She's much more methodical and enjoys making a plan and having things unfold according to plan. 

While I knew that feelings of lust and passion are best fueled by working the brain, I thought the orgasm itself was more of a physical stimulation issue, where many women don't get one simply due to anatomy and trying to align things just right, while other women have anatomies that are more forgiving in that department to getting PIV O's. 

I used to take the lack of PIV orgasms more to heart and tried to find different ways, positions, etc to make it happen. Now, I try my best to let things unfold naturally, but I still think about it from time to time. Hopefully moving forward I'll find better ways to try to make the mood more relaxed.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

dubsey said:


> What she loves now she wasn't comfortable with then. For her now there are times where she just wants to be manhandled. She says it's a need. I don't really get it, but it's what she wants.
> 
> That said, now that she's comfortable with that want/need, she can O from loving boring vanilla PIV sex too.
> 
> So, I'd say it's mostly mental, but I can only give my impression of how she evolved over time.


My experience is that evolution is a good part mental. A "good girl" will have really difficulties admitting, even to themselves, what they really want and need. As they become comfortable and grow in confidence, they can get by that and let that out.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

At least 80%.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

For me the orgasm has 3 components.

60% emotional/mental. I must clear my mind of other thoughts and focus on the sense of touch. I also allow my fantasies to run wild during sex. Touch isn't just the sensation of nerve stimulation but the meaning behind it. Allowing my body to respond in an almost autonomous way frees my mind and body to respond. I completely let go of what my body wants to do and just let my body respond. Some women, and it used to be one of them, can't let go to allow their body to respond.

25% hormonal. Sometimes, for whatever reason, my hormones simply won't go there. It doesn't happen often but I can tell when there is this...glass ceiling that will prevent the hormonal response from reaching the peak. When that happens I tell my husband and we either just focus on his completion on we keep trying different things.

But there are times when it seems like the current hormonal mix could get me to orgasm with a single touch! Happened just a few days ago. I went off like a firecracker with very little effort over and over again. Afterward we both were scratching out heads wondering what was going on. It had been a bit since we'd last had sex but not too long. I hadn't been exceptionally horny, just regular for me. The mood and atmosphere wasn't anything special or different, just another night. It must have been the right mix of hormones.

15% physical. All those other things can be going right but if the touch isn't right then an orgasm simply won't happen. But if my mind and hormones aren't in the right place it doesn't matter what kind of expert touch is happening, the orgasm won't happen.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> For me the orgasm has 3 components.
> 
> 60% emotional/mental. I must clear my mind of other thoughts and focus on the sense of touch. I also allow my fantasies to run wild during sex. Touch isn't just the sensation of nerve stimulation but the meaning behind it. Allowing my body to respond in an almost autonomous way frees my mind and body to respond. I completely let go of what my body wants to do and just let my body respond. Some women, and it used to be one of them, can't let go to allow their body to respond.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

Congratulations! 
In my case everything depend about what kind of day I had. When everything going great with no problem then I can enjoy sex to the max.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

bestwife said:


> Congratulations!
> In my case everything depend about what kind of day I had. When everything going great with no problem then I can enjoy sex to the max.


This is unfortunately true for a lot of women and it's one of the reasons why so many women have difficulty orgasming.

Life is NOT stress free. Life can throw you hardships and sorrows then what? No sex until life is proceeding along swimingly?

This is why women need to get better about de-stressing their minds in order to reconnect with their partners, which will then have an even better effect on stress! 

De-stress to have good sex which enables better stress coping = positive feedback loop.

No sex due to stress which creates disharmony and adds to stress = negative feedback loop.


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

Yeah, getting "there" is going to REQUIRE the right frame of mind.

That's different from saying, "It's 100% in the mind." No, it isn't. If it were, she could climax while giving you a BJ, not being touched at all, as long as she was thinking appropriately sexy thoughts while she did it. While those thoughts are required for climax, so is physical stimulation.

That said, I'm deeply uncomfortable with a subtext that even implies that a woman *should* be having PIV orgasms...if she just got in the "right" headspace. Even with the right frame of mind, those are much harder to achieve, and some women can't do it at all. It's just not where the nerve endings are. And putting pressure on a woman to climax when she isn't being sufficiently "handled" is more likely to get you a fake climax than a real one. 

Imagine that one night you were SO turned on that you came just from your wife squeezing your balls...with no contact on your stick. Now, imagine that this pleased your wife so much that she tried to recreate that experience every time, instead of letting you have what you greatly prefer - PIV sex...that she was always pushing you to try to come with the ball squeezing again. That she was disappointed if you didn't. 

I have heard that the female orgasm can feel like "sexual applause" to a man, and that this applause feels much better to you when it's the result of PIV sex. But I also think men need to be educated on female sexuality so there is less pressure on a wife to climax from the kinds of sexual stimulation that is preferred by a man. 

Stepping off my soapbox, and very sorry if I have offended anyone by making an incorrect assumption.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I am going to read the f*ck out of this thread later this evening.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

The most powerful orgasms come when you get the ball rolling early. I was taught as a young man to think of women's sexuality like an oven. You want it to go right you have got to preheat the oven. With my GF I will start before she even leaves for work caressing her, kissing her, rubbing her front and back. Then I leave and let her go to work. She, like men and women, get turned on hard core cause she knows we don't have time for it then so it's a total tease.

Throughout the day texts will come, When I want her hands and mouth where I am going to put my tounge and fingers, maybe I'm describing bounding her hands and a spanking who knows......She has told me that when I do things like this she is visibly red faced and her colleagues ask wtf I am texting lol. I tell her to show them but she is much more conservative than me.

Home then dinner, then kids to bed it's play time. If by this point she can't put down the day and be in the here and now we wouldn't be right for each other . 

Has never failed me yet. Yes it can be accomplished spur of the moment but she has told me when I build anticipation like that all day she is ready to burst when I just touch her. I feel the same way


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Faeleaf said:


> Imagine that one night you were SO turned on that you came just from your wife squeezing your balls...with no contact on your stick. *Now, imagine that this pleased your wife so much that she tried to recreate that experience every time, instead of letting you have what you greatly prefer - PIV sex...that she was always pushing you to try to come with the ball squeezing again.* That she was disappointed if you didn't.


No thank you!

But I'm also sure I wouldn't wait weeks/months/years/decades to tell her that isn't gonna work!


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

michzz said:


> No thank you!
> 
> But I'm also sure I wouldn't wait weeks/months/years/decades to tell her that isn't gonna work!


Dan Savage once said that if a man required being hit in the head with a hammer in order to achieve orgasm, then on his very first night with a new lady, he'd lay out a lovely selection of hammers and ask her to select the one she liked the best. Whereas women, who are conditioned to please men and not speak up for what they want, just resort to fake orgasms, never wanting to hurt the man's feelings by admitting that the sex they are having doesn't actually do it for her.

Chalk it up to conditioning or the differences between the sexes, or whatever. This is just one of the ways men and women tend to be different.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Faeleaf said:


> Imagine that one night you were SO turned on that you came just from your wife squeezing your balls...with no contact on your stick. *Now, imagine that this pleased your wife so much that she tried to recreate that experience every time, instead of letting you have what you greatly prefer - PIV sex...that she was always pushing you to try to come with the ball squeezing again.* That she was disappointed if you didn't.





michzz said:


> No thank you!
> 
> But I'm also sure I wouldn't wait weeks/months/years/decades to tell her that isn't gonna work!





Faeleaf said:


> Chalk it up to conditioning or the differences between the sexes, or whatever. This is just one of the ways men and women tend to be different.


I see your point, but it is a puzzle because there is much evidence that SOME women have more ways to get off than a typical man does.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

michzz said:


> I see your point, but it is a puzzle because there is much evidence that SOME women have more ways to get off than a typical man does.


 Umm yeah, sorry about that Chief! 

No, not really.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

michzz said:


> I see your point, but it is a puzzle because there is much evidence that SOME women have more ways to get off than a typical man does.


Great point! :smthumbup: Sometimes a certain angle or position works better or both


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Faeleaf said:


> Yeah, getting "there" is going to REQUIRE the right frame of mind.
> 
> That's different from saying, "It's 100% in the mind." No, it isn't. *If it were, she could climax while giving you a BJ, not being touched at all, as long as she was thinking appropriately sexy thoughts while she did it*. While those thoughts are required for climax, so is physical stimulation.


My wife has. I know she's not alone on this, as well.

That said, every single person is clearly different, and I like how you phrased the first sentence. Right frame of mind is required, but certainly, other things will come into play that work for various individuals.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Lila said:


> I must have a genetic mutation because considering how openly sexual I am with my husband, getting man-handled during sex is an automatic turn-off for me.
> 
> Seduction starts in my mind. If done right, all it takes is a whispered word and a well placed digit to make me climax.


Just want to be clear - manhandling <> hitting. She just likes to be pinned to a wall or get pounded kinda roughly or whatever. 

At any rate, I hear ya. I don't really get it either. I've asked and she doesn't know why she enjoys it. If I were to make a guess, I'd say it coincides with how she's developed in her professional life, and as her responsibility increased and she's been in charge of more and more things, including other people, I think she likes the feeling of knowing she's not in charge from time to time - but that's just a guess on my part.

Personally, I don't get anything from it.

Well, that's not true, what I get from it is the complete and utter satisfaction of the joyous sounds she makes. I like that A LOT, and if she likes it, I'm willing to do it.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

In my experience, it's a combo of both Physical and Mental/ emotional. The emotional component is also dependent person to person. The physical part just enhances the emotions which can lead to a massive eruption of multiple waves of pleasure in ladies. I have given both oral and penis in vagina orgasms and from the feedback given to me, the penis in vagina orgasm is the most fulfilling for ladies, as otherwise it is not as fulfilling vs clitoral stimulation. I have seen that even nipple stimulation lead to arousal leading to an orgasm without even touching of the clitoris but in the end, all that really fulfilled the ladies is the penis in vagina. And as for those ladies who never had the penis in vagina orgasm, maybe it's because of their men, as as per my personal experience, at least 20 mins of an hard erect penis is required for continual penetration plus kissing/licking/sucking of nipples simultaneously is usually the key to a vaginal orgasm having a penis inside.

And yes size does matter especially thickness vs length, as all have ladies report a more filling sensation being more fulfilling instead.


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