# What do I believe?



## alwayshere (Apr 16, 2014)

I really need advice here. I am very confused and hurt and dont know which way to turn. 
My H has a job where he must contact a lady each week for business purposes. It should be no more than a 2 -3 min phone call per week. This has turned into longer calls and text messages. He says it is all innocent, they just "chit chat" sometimes, no big deal.
I know he can be a bit of a flirt and I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he should keep it strictly business. Recently there were a lot of text messages between them. He said she wanted to get together but he turned her down. He erased the messages so he could not prove this to me.
He says there is nothing between them and I am worried over nothing. (By the way, they have never met face to face - at least as far as I know).
Since this happened, he has been looking at her facebook page when I am not around. He doesnt know I know this yet. He has done this twice and spent about 45 min each time looking through her pictures. 
I believe there is more going on here or there soon will be. 
Any opinions???


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I wouldn't bet against you on this. So what are you going to do about it?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Abbey N (Aug 1, 2014)

I would go with your instinct. If you feel its not innocent, then its not. Its if everything is strictly professional between him and her, why is there a need for extended "chats"?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I agree with you... He should keep it strictly business. He should not feel that he needs to be chit chatting to her.... No big deal to him, but it is to you, so that should be enough for him to respect your wishes... you do not think its appropriate, so he should nip it in the bud.

Him going through her pictures..... Why would he feel the need to do this exactly?.....


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## HeartofHearts (Aug 25, 2014)

Smh. Can't anyone stay true to their vows anymore? It's so much easier to stay single if you want to live as you please!

Confront him, Dear. But even then, you can only hope you'll get the truth. Best wishes.


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## alwayshere (Apr 16, 2014)

I have confronted several times. He just says I am having crazy thoughts or letting my mind run wild and there is nothing going on and he has no interest in her but he has continued to text her and make calls when he doesnt need to for business. If there is no interest in her, then why all the time looking through her facebook pictures?
He has finally promised (after it all "blew up") that he will not text her anymore and will cut the calls short. I'm now wondering if he will just get another phone to talk to her. Maybe my mind is running wild. Am I crazy or is he cheating?


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## alwayshere (Apr 16, 2014)

maybe I should add that I have access to phone records where I can see every number he calls or texts. I can't see the content, just the numbers. That's why I am wondering about another phone.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

He's in the early stage of forming an EA, teetering on the brink of a big mistake, and you should be sounding alarm bells and doing everything to attack and address it. Which does NOT mean going nuclear. But it does mean not letting this go... I'd say use this opportunity to "re-claim" your relationship with him, and have him re-affirm to you in the process. 

Imagine this little foray into exploring or fantasizing about this OW blew up into a PA -- what would you wish you'd done at THIS stage to head it off? Do those things, all of them. Treat it like y ou're in a battle for your marriage, because you kind if are.

Draw hard and firm lines, without being controlling and b****y about it. Work WITH him, communicate, communicate, communicate about what is going on between you, how his actions are affecting your marriage and your questioning if his commitment, and how much you want to exorcise any bad karma that has entered your marriage. Make it safe to talk.
Maybe suggest MC now, early on here, to identify why he feels a need to "look around" (which he is clearly doing). Not in a nagging, whining way, but all in a positive, let's-be-sure-we-tend-to-this-marriage-at-this-critical-stage way. No sane man (who is not in an affair) could say that positive-karma, keep the marriage healthy activities aren't for them. You'll get a real good gauge for his mindset in the process just by how he reacts...

Then monitor, heavily. Get a VAR! Keylogger. And keep that gut on high alert.


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