# Low sex drive woman trying to figure out how to become HSD



## juliet22 (Oct 15, 2014)

Where to start?!

I am 28, have a 22 month old son, been married 5 yrs and together 12 yrs. I was a virgin when I met my husband and not ready for sex. But I was looking for acceptance so I did it. I didn't have an orgasm for the 1st yr we were together. but even after I figured out I could orgasm our sex life never really got better. I give myself orgasms when we have sex because it takes a lot of work, and I do it better. I don't feel any simulation with penetration (rarely yes). I get horny for actual sex like twice a year. I do watch porn sometimes. I get more satisfaction from masterbation than sex. 

I have thought it might be psychological. I don't really like my body and never have. Although I have been very fit in the past. Now, semi-fit. Ido better with the lights off. I don't really feel comfortable being touched or looked at. Not that my husband tries that hard. Getting my crotch fondled randomly isn't my idea of romance. Neither of us are romantic people ,but maybe it's what I need. 

I have many girl friends with great sex drives. They want sex every day. I don't understand! Why can't I be that way? 

I'm sure there are details I've left out. If you have advice or experience, help me out! I'll answer any questions.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Sounds fairly normal to me.

This is concerning and probably merits exploration:


> I was a virgin when I met my husband and not ready for sex. But I was looking for acceptance so I did it.


The rest that you mention is very normal for many women I think, you do know what you need to do to get off so that is good. Sounds like hubby is pretty clueless, figure out what you need to get aroused and teach him cause what he is doing isn't it :smile2:


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

First things first. Do you know what turns you on? what makes you feel good? How to bring yourself to orgasm quickly and reliably? If not, then the path to a great sex life with your husband starts by you learning to have a great sex life with yourself. Get some books on female sexuality and learn what makes you tick. Then show your husband. You can't expect him to figure out what gets you going if you don't know either. That is just fumbling in the dark and while some men are good at the process, many are clueless. You got stuck with one of the clueless ones. So you need to show him what works. Which means you need to know what works.

This could be fun for both of you if you look at it that way. Good luck.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

Body hang ups bother me. First of all there is no one on earth that is perfect and doesn't have flaws or body image issues. Unfortunately our society puts to much emphasis on it. God made you the way you are and you should embrace who you are, I know easier said than done. I am a man and believe it or not men don't expect perfection. If they love you they love every little flaw too, that is what makes you unique and theirs. So don't hide yourself from your husband, that would make me feel self conscience about myself.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

how often do you have sex?

is it ever enjoyable to you once you get going?

do you send a message that you are uninterested even during the act? could your husband get the idea that you will not really engage no matter what so he has begun to dispense with the niceties?

what are you willing to do about your body issues? diet? workout? if not, how do you expect them to be resolved?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

juliet22 said:


> I give myself orgasms when we have sex because *it takes a lot of work, and I do it better*. I don't feel any simulation with penetration (rarely yes). I get horny for actual sex like twice a year. I do watch porn sometimes. I get more satisfaction from masterbation than sex.


It sounds as if your husband may be overstimulating you and trying to force an orgasm when he is the one trying to give you pleasure. Can't tell you how many of my wife's friends complain that their husbands grab their nipples way to soon and then jam their fingers into their wive's privates thinking they are giving them pleasure, when in actuality they are being too rough and annoying the crap out of their wives. 

*LESS IS MORE!*

Buy a jar of coconut oil and have your husband focus on being very gentle and focusing efforts away from your sensitive parts. As things heat up he can apply more pressure and finally give the right spots a little extra attention. This should allow you to orgasm almost completely relaxed by his hand if done correctly. 

If you want some stimulation during penetration, just place a very small bullet vibrator between the two of you. As he thrusts and applies pressure, this should provide ample stimulation for a very easy orgasm. 

Best Wishes, 
Badsanta


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## Wiredtired (Apr 16, 2015)

juliet22 said:


> Where to start?!
> 
> I am 28, have a 22 month old son, been married 5 yrs and together 12 yrs. I was a virgin when I met my husband and not ready for sex. But I was looking for acceptance so I did it. I didn't have an orgasm for the 1st yr we were together. but even after I figured out I could orgasm our sex life never really got better. I give myself orgasms when we have sex because it takes a lot of work, and I do it better. I don't feel any simulation with penetration (rarely yes). I get horny for actual sex like twice a year. I do watch porn sometimes. I get more satisfaction from masterbation than sex.
> 
> ...


Have you tried drinking a little before sex? Although it doesn't happen often, my wife does before sex, and it turns her into an animal. For most women, alcohol increases desire and sex drive.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

giddiot said:


> Body hang ups bother me. First of all there is no one on earth that is perfect and doesn't have flaws or body image issues. Unfortunately our society puts to much emphasis on it. God made you the way you are and you should embrace who you are, I know easier said than done. * I am a man and believe it or not men don't expect perfection. * If they love you they love every little flaw too, that is what makes you unique and theirs. So don't hide yourself from your husband, that would make me feel self conscience about myself.


I am a woman, and believe it or not, some do.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The path to orgasm is increasing arousal. The path to increasing arousal...is different for every woman. And this is where it gets complicated and damned annoying.

1. What you describe, not being able to orgasm with partnered sex is perfectly normal and extremely common for women. So stop thinking there is something wrong with you. You. Are. Normal!

2. To increase arousal there must be a build up of positive feelings and an ABSENCE of negative feelings and this is where many women get derailed. 

They forget to forget negative feelings and negative body image is a major lady boner killer. There are some things your husband can help with, such as complimenting you and avoiding saying negative things about your body. But the bulk of that work is unfortunately on your shoulders. There are web sites that show pictures on normal looking women. This is helpful because it allows a woman to recognize how the media has shaped her self image. You know that what you see in the media is airbrushed photo shopped and totally not normal looking women. So why do you hold yourself accountable to a standard that simply doesn't exist? Use positive self talk and when your husband compliments you smile, say thank you and DECIDE to believe him!

Stress and fatigue are other common impediments to building arousal. Obviously working on stress management and getting enough sleep, exercise and eating healthy will help.

3. The use of mental fantasy to increase arousal. There is nothing wrong with letting your dirty mind wander to where it wants to go during sex. You can pretend that instead of your cluttered bedroom with piles of laundry you're in a 4 poster bed in Tahiti! Let your mind go to sexy things that turn you on and keep your mind focused on what feels good.

4. Communicate with your husband about sex, what you want, what works for you, what doesn't work for you, and how to touch you. He cannot read your mind. I know this is hard for everyone, but think of it like this, if he is scratching your back and just missing the place that really itches do you stay silent and frustrated that he isn't hitting the right spot or do you say "higher, lower, to the right more, harder..." You know what feels good because you have the direct feedback loop so it's your job to communicate what you like and how to touch you.

5. Romance can be awkward especially when neither of you are very good at giving or receiving romantic words and gestures. But laughing together, sharing positive feelings you have for each other, expressing gratitude are vital to keeping that emotional bond strong. So if you and your H aren't doing these things DAILY, start today. Just as you need reassure he finds you desirable, he needs reassurance that you admire him, respect him and are grateful for the positive things he has brought to your life.

6. It is my opinion, but not fact, that as women learn to better communicate and have better sex, their sex drive will improve. You may not develope the kind of sex drive your husband has but by improving intimacy through honest and open communication you and your husband will be able to meet each other's needs in one form or another. You may not want sex as often but if you feel loved by him and loving toward him you will likely be happy to meet his need for physical intimacy through sexual release in other ways.

Lastly, do what BadSanta says with the coconut oil! Can't go wrong with that!


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

:allhail: Awesome balanced post AP !


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

The fact that you're falling out of love with your husband may have something to do with it...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...falling-out-love-my-husband.html#post10664882


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

juliet22 said:


> Where to start?!
> 
> I am 28, have a 22 month old son, been married 5 yrs and together 12 yrs. I was a virgin when I met my husband and *not ready for sex. But I was looking for acceptance so I did it. *I *didn't have an orgasm for the 1st yr we were together*. but even after I figured out I could orgasm *our sex life never really got better*. I give myself orgasms when we have sex because it takes a lot of work, and *I do it better*. I don't feel any simulation with penetration (rarely yes). *I get horny for actual sex like twice a year.* I do watch porn sometimes. I get *more satisfaction from masterbation than sex.
> *
> ...


That is a lot of emotional bagage you bring to bed with you. Since you and your H have been together for nearly 12 years, he probably knows you very very well.

That means that he knows you don't get horny often, that you don't think much of him as a lover, that you have negative self image issues and sex with him. 

Assume for a moment he fully understands your feelings toward sex with him. Do you think that he would want to have sex with you? 

Now the good news your asking how you can become HD is the right road to take. I would recommend that you work on transforming yourself in both your eyes and the eyse of your husband. In MW Davis book Divorce Busting, she talked about "Getting a Life" to become a more interesting and facinating person, someone you H will both want to be with and want to pursue. 

My suggestiong is to start with a good exercise program and work on regaining your basic fitness. You can do things with your small child, like taking him out in a jogging stroller, of finding a gym with daycare. You can also attach your son to a bike either in a special child seat with helmet or trailer. After you get more fit you will have more energy.

Next I would suggest you do some things that you will find sexy, but that your husband will drop his jaw about. Most places have lessons in pole dancing, belly dancing, stripping for your husband, etc. Or if that is too much for you take up a nude figure drawing class and draw pictures of nude men and nude women and show them to your H. Maybe ask him to pose for you. Drawing naked people will teach you that all bodies are not perfect. Most nude magazine photos are highly air-brushed and photo-shopped. 

Alternately, you could take a massage class. After you have the basics down you could ask him if you could practice your masage technique on him. During one of the massages, you could ask him if he would like a happy ending? (sexual release). Tell him that you don't do this to all your customers, just the ones you are married to and find sexy. If he say yes, tell him it will be an extra $50, but you will make sure he get's his money's worth of pleasure. You want to shock him into thinking you are a different person.

You said you wanted to become HD and I assume by that you really mean that you want to improve the sex life between you and your H. That is wise as it will help prevent an affair. The real trick will be for you to become your husband's HD wife in his eyes. That won't happen if you don't do something that makes him wonder who is this fascinating woman that he finds himself now married to. It also won't happen if you don't push your own comfort zone and stretch your boundaries.

Good luck to you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

T&T said:


> The fact that you're falling out of love with your husband may have something to do with it...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...falling-out-love-my-husband.html#post10664882


Good catch, has a lot to do with it!

Juliet, your marriage has been rocky for a while. You have a constant low level of discontent for some very valid reasons. This discontent leads to disconnect. It's very hard to want to have sex and be intimate with a man you feel such disconnect about.

When/ if you come back to this thread I hope you will talk some about what conversations you've had with your husband over the last few months regarding your discontent and what you want from him. What do you say and how does he respond?

If he still playing video games all night? Do you still feel isolated and like the only adult in the house? Has he picked up any slack in terms of keeping up with home and parenting? Do you guys spend any alone time together at all, away from the TV?

All those things I wrote to you above will work better if you and your husband are working together to improve your marriage but they won't work if you're not working together.


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## juliet22 (Oct 15, 2014)

Yeah we did have a long talk right after I posted that. There were lots of issues to be discussed. Midway into our discussion it turns out my husband almost cheated on me in vegas. Got all the way into some girls room, made out, and then backed out. It stemmed from our issues with intimacy. He doesn't feel loved if we dont have sex. I just don't know how to express myself sexually. I can't learn from porn and I'm a very private person. We do have sex about twice a week. Sometimes I feel up to it. Body stats im 5'3 147 pounds. I used to be 127 pounds and still never felt sexy or comfortable doing sexy things like lingerie. My husband has gotten better about being present and doing thinga around the house, so I've contacted a sex therapist to work on my side.

For the record, I've always been like this, even when I was madly in love with my husband.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Years ago Kinsey did an honest to god statistical study and determined that women orgasm in about 4 minutes if they did it themselves, alone, vs 17 if they were with a male partner. So your data falls in line with that. Maybe you're entirely normal.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

juliet22 said:


> Yeah we did have a long talk right after I posted that. There were lots of issues to be discussed. Midway into our discussion it turns out my husband almost cheated on me in vegas. Got all the way into some girls room, made out, and then backed out. It stemmed from our issues with intimacy. He doesn't feel loved if we dont have sex. I just don't know how to express myself sexually. I can't learn from porn and I'm a very private person. We do have sex about twice a week. Sometimes I feel up to it. Body stats im 5'3 147 pounds. I used to be 127 pounds and still never felt sexy or comfortable doing sexy things like lingerie. My husband has gotten better about being present and doing thinga around the house, so I've contacted a sex therapist to work on my side.
> 
> For the record, I've always been like this, even when I was madly in love with my husband.


So your marriage is in crises and part of the problem is sex. Your husband needs to feel your love through sex. A woman inhibited about her body is not a sex partner who can express love through sex. Therefore, your husband doesn't really feel loved. Therefore he disconnects from you. You feel that disconnect and respond by becoming more inhibited, more irritated and less loving toward him. This is a snowball rolling down the hill and it has to be stopped.

I'm glad you're seeking therapy. This should be very helpful.

One of the things that helped me when I was working on my body image problems is reality checks.

Reality check: at age 35-37 ish, I had two sets of neighbors, both couples seemed very happy and content with each other and I could see how the husbands showed love and admiration to their wives. One couple was in their mid 60's, the other couple were in their late 80's. Neither of those wives had beaten back time. The both had the soft bellies common to senior women, they both had wrinkled skin and they both had grey hair. Not what you picture when you think sexy. But both women made jokes about sex, one more that the other. Both women took care of themselves, did their hair, wore make up and perfume dressed nicely. And both women demonstrated affection toward their husband. I realized their husbands found THEM sexy! I remembered what my father had said many years prior "husbands always see the woman they kissed at the alter, they never see the years in their wives." I realized he was right! Here I was totally in shape (at the time) but with obvious signs I'd been pregnant and I thought I was too flawed to be sexy. WTF! That didn't make sense!

Reality check: at about 22 years into our marriage I was putting together a photo album that would span years 15-22. I saw the younger me through older eye and realized how goddamn hot I was!!! Then I remembered how convinced I was that my body was ugly and unattractive. How wrong I was, my body was HOT! So if my perception was totally wrong then, might it also be totally wrong now? YES it was totally wrong.

I still struggle a bit here and there, but I always remind myself my perception is flawed, not my body!

You mention lingerie. Start with pretty nightgowns. Throw away the ugly old tee shirts and short and wear pretty night gowns. When you feel pretty you are pretty. Once your comfortable with pretty nightgowns, start buying sexier night gowns, shorter with more lace and silk or satin material. Wearing silk and satin to bed FEELS sensual and looks sexy. Never wear old old tee shirts to be unless your sick and need the warmth. Try sleeping naked too. After sex, don't get dressed again but sleep naked. Work up to it and you'll feel easier about it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I remembered what my father had said many years prior "husbands always see the woman they kissed at the alter, they never see the years in their wives."


:allhail:


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I remembered what my father had said many years prior "husbands always see the woman they kissed at the alter, they never see the years in their wives." I realized he was right!


this is generally right but if you let the connection wane too much your husband will eventually lose his wife goggles.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Still have my "wife goggles", menopause is putting it to the test though - LOL. 

I gave up on buying her sexy things to wear at night at least 10 years ago, they just sat in the drawer. On the other hand, there are these super stretchy logo'd t-shirt things I get at the college bookstore. So thin they are basically see through which means they provide no warm, which is just what she needs these days . I think my eyes practically separate from my head when I see her in with no bra.:bounce:

Nothing wrong with the right t-shirt>


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

juliet22 said:


> *Yeah we did have a long talk right after I posted that.* There were lots of issues to be discussed. Midway into our discussion it *turns out my husband almost cheated on me in vegas. Got all the way into some girls room, made out, and then backed out. *It stemmed from our issues with intimacy. *He doesn't feel loved if we dont have sex*. I just *don't know how to express myself sexually.* I can't learn from porn and I'm a very private person. We do have sex about twice a week. Sometimes I feel up to it. Body stats im 5'3 147 pounds. I used to be 127 pounds and still *never felt sexy or comfortable doing sexy things like lingerie*. My husband has gotten better about being present and doing thinga around the house, so *I've contacted a sex therapist to work on my side*.
> 
> For the record, I've always been like this, even when I was madly in love with my husband.


You are so lucky, smart and fortunate. Your husband's need for sex to feel connected to his wife is very common. That is the way most men are. 

Your husband's love for you dodged an affair. You are fortunate indeed that he didn't cheat on you. 

You know that you need to "affair proof" your marriage and you have a solid example of why.

Congratulations on going to a sex therapist. That is what saved my marriage. My only suggestion is that you might also want to bring your husband to your sex therapist sessions. 

The sex therapist that my wife and I went to gave us exercises (Sensate focus, visualization, massage, sex instructional videos to watch and discuss) and reading assignments for us to do together. While some of the issues may reside with you, your husband also needs help with changing the way he interacts with you and a sex therapist can help.

The other aspect in a marriage that a good sex therapist can help with is being a referee in negotiations between you and your husband. Ours was fantastic and she made sure that each of us understood our own self-interest in conducting a win-win negotiation and in visualizing a happy marriage.

Good luck. You seem to be on the right trail.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I believe your efforts are misguided. To me it's little different than people who think they can pray the gay away. People are creatures with invariant behaviors, interests, passions, you can't reprogram the hardware


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## SillySeamstress (Jul 21, 2015)

I think after having a baby, lack of sex drive is pretty common. My kids are 5 & 7 and I'm still struggling to get that mojo back. So, if you've always had a low libido, then I would expect this even more. 

What really helps me is to read romance novels. Not erotica, but some steamy scenes are nice. It's not so much that it puts me in the mood, although sometimes it does, but it just reminds me what romance is all about and puts me in the mood to have romantic (not sexual) times with my hubbers. 

Men need sex to feel loved. For me, I need to feel that it's ME he wants and not my vagina. I'm very familiar with the random crotch fondling. I also feel that whenever my husband kisses me or puts his arms around me, he's hoping the outcome will be sex. This makes it so I don't want him to touch me. 

When we do have sex, I enjoy it. But the hard part is relaxing and becoming aroused so that I actually want to. I don't think there's any easy fix for anyone in this situation. Try a romance novel and give yourself some quiet time away from the kids. Less stress = more desire to have sex.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

SillySeamstress said:


> I also feel that whenever my husband kisses me or puts his arms around me, he's hoping the outcome will be sex. This makes it so I don't want him to touch me.


This is because if its been more than a day or two he is, hoping the outcome will be sex that is...

It's a feature not a bug. Appreciate the fact that it is YOU he wants to put his arms around. Is the alternative better? Really?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@SillySeamstress, you're right it is very common for moms with young kids to have a difficult time getting their sex drive back. Do you sometime feel so "touched out" you just want to lay down and not feel anyone touching you at all? Like if you don't get some personal space time you're gonna explode?

I felt the way you say, like he wanted sex and I happened to be the closest vagina. I think a possible help for this might be much more nonsexual touching. 

I really feel bad for younger men with young kids. Their sex drive is very strong yet their wives sex drive are at their lowest point. Mother Nature has dyslexia!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

juliet22 said:


> Where to start?!
> 
> I am 28, have a 22 month old son, been married 5 yrs and together 12 yrs. I was a virgin when I met my husband and not ready for sex. But I was looking for acceptance so I did it. I didn't have an orgasm for the 1st yr we were together. but even after I figured out I could orgasm our sex life never really got better. I give myself orgasms when we have sex because it takes a lot of work, and I do it better. I don't feel any simulation with penetration (rarely yes). I get horny for actual sex like twice a year. I do watch porn sometimes. I get more satisfaction from masterbation than sex.
> 
> ...


Fairly simple to diagnose (imo) but moderately difficult to "fix" :

Going by what you've written, it's apparent that you DO have a sex drive, it's just not fully developed yet. For one, you watch porn, even if it's occasionally. This indicates a level of desire that truly LD people generally don't have. Even if it's once a month, or twice a year, it's still there - the desire to be sexual (even if it's just on your own). So you have an interest in sex and sexuality. It just needs to blossom.

So why is it not fully developed yet? As you say, you have had one partner, and you were not ready for sex when you started having it. So you're relatively inexperienced (which is fine, btw!), and your first experience with sex, you were not mentally "in the game".

Couple that with body image issues (VERY common, don't worry!) and you're behind the 8-ball a little bit.

So I have two suggestions, or pieces of advice:

One, masturbate as often as you can. Ideally not daily, but make a point of it a few times a week at least. Get to know your body, what feels good, what you like, etc. Try different methods, use toys (maybe stay away from vibrators, though? Although awesome, there's nothing your husband can do to replicate those sensations). Use your fingers, a dildo, or some other (safe) object that replicates a penis. Do it in different positions that are possible with a partner (ie. ride that thing!). There are dildos that have a suction cup base, so you can affix them to the wall, the floor, or the shower, so you don't have to tire your arms out.

Basically, have sex, but on your own. Preferably without porn, too. If you require visual stimulation while masturbating, then maybe a picture of Channing Tatum will do  The idea is to replicate sex as closely as possibly, in order to learn what stimulates and excites you best. Watching porn or using a vibrator doesn't accomplish this, as neither are related to sex with your partner.

The second thing is body image. It's a toughie, for sure. But if your husband is having sex with you, then he's attracted to you. He's the only one that matters in this equation. (well, apart from you, of course). FWIW, most people (not just women) have body image issues to varying degrees, but the reality is that we all have different bodies, and none of us really look like what we see in magazines (or porn).

I'd suggest that if you continue to watch porn occasionally, find some that has more natural looking men and women of different shapes and sizes. I'm sure there's plenty of non-professional porn out there that has people that more closely resemble you and me then Ken and Barbie. If you're watching only professionally made porn, then you're going to see men and women who don't look like the majority of us, which will go to your head, if it hasn't already.

And remember, being sexy isn't what you LOOK like, it's how you act. Those who rely solely on their bodies to be attractive don't often have much else to offer in that regard. Attitude is everything in this game.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SillySeamstress said:


> But the hard part is relaxing and becoming aroused so that I actually want to. I don't think there's any easy fix for anyone in this situation. Try a romance novel and give yourself some quiet time away from the kids. Less stress = more desire to have sex.


There actually is, believe it or not.

Human sexuality follows these steps:

excitement/arousal
stimulation
plateau
orgasm
resolution

In many people, the first two are reversed, meaning that arousal comes after stimulation. My wife follows that model to a "T". Many low desire people actually fit this model, as well. In other words, once they get going, the going gets good.

It's the getting going part that's difficult for some people to wrap their brains around. For my wife, she knows the first two are backwards in her brain, therefore she has to make a concerted mental effort to say "yes", knowing that once there's stimulation, the rest will follow as normal. Up until we're naked and I'm stimulating her in one way or another, she's not sexually aroused, period. There's no anticipation built up throughout the day, no thoughts of sex, or what might happen "later on", or sexual thoughts popping in her head. In other words, no desire for sex. Until we're having sex. Then it's game on.

The trick is not falling into the mindset that you're never in the mood, therefore it's not going to happen, but rather knowing that you'll get in the mood WHEN it starts to happen. This leads to people, like my wife, who require me to initiate 100% of the time. Otherwise, unless she's stimulated, she's simply not in the mood, period.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

giddiot said:


> Body hang ups bother me. First of all there is no one on earth that is perfect and doesn't have flaws or body image issues. Unfortunately our society puts to much emphasis on it. God made you the way you are and you should embrace who you are, I know easier said than done. I am a man and believe it or not men don't expect perfection. If they love you they love every little flaw too, that is what makes you unique and theirs. So don't hide yourself from your husband, that would make me feel self conscience about myself.


I have had my wife listen to the song "Perfect Imperfections" more than once. I tell her that it says best how I feel about her. Every woman is unique, that what help make you special to your husband. 

Here is a link to a book that helped my wife quite a bit.

Official Site for Shannon Ethridge Ministries The Sexually Confident Wife - Official Site for Shannon Ethridge Ministries

Also a link to a website where another blogger discusses body image issues.

Let There Be Light: Out of the Zone - The Forgiven Wife


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You can't make yourself or anyone else horny when they can't or don't want to be any more than you can change their eye color. Low drive is low drive. period. You can put up a front and grit your teeth and do your 'wifely duty' but that's it. If you don't accept yourself how do you expect anyone else to respect you?


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

Hi Juliet22 it sounds like a combination of physical and psych issues (and maybe just a little hormonal thrown in from the baby 22 mos ago but u should be mostly recovered from that) You probably need to look inside of urself about ur history and feeling towards sex and you need to learn about your body and what works for it. Then maybe you can teach ur husband what u like when u find out. And since you were a virgin how do you know ur NOt a romantic person? I recommend slow learning about urself. Good luck


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