# I know, where they live...



## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

I'm in a rage, can't sleep. 6 months ago i told the OM if i ever catch him around wife wife till we are divorced..he'll end up in a body bag.
My wife and i are seperated but recently we started to communicate rly good again. But as it turned out, she hasen't been in our home for 6 months cause she's living with him..well for 6 months now.

I'm about to do something rly stupid, cause i know where they live. I've warned him 2 times and now i think it's time to give him the beating if his lifetime. I give a **** about my wife but the guy..well now it's rly personal.

I'm in a real rage right now, what should i do? Beat him up or forget that the guy keep's laughin at me?! And guess what..D day been today a year ago.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You're separated. Unless you're actively reconciling, what she does and with whom is none of your business any longer.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Do you really wish to spend years in prison? Think about it.


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## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

Times, it's not worth it. You could end up seriously injuring someone and going to jail. I always feel that Karma ends up giving people exactly what they deserve, even if you're not there to witness it.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Tell your WW that now that you know she has been living with that s**tag for the past 6 months she can f off.

Then go completely dark and never communicate with her again.

If you did not beat the h**l out of this POS at the beginning, I would not go out of my way to hunt him down now.

But I understand the thing between men on a personal level you are talking about.

I say if you ever run into this guy in public and he is c**ky or arrogant at all, through word, look, or deed towards you, then at that moment he needs to get the most basic and serious lesson of his life on why you do not f with another man's life.

Then you can send him home to your stupid ex a bloody mess.


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

Forget the guy, they are probably both laughing at you. I know my stbxw and OM both laughed at me when I called OM and told him I would beat his [email protected]@ next time I see him.

Keep in mind, You're wife lives with another man, show's where her loyalty lies.

I've been on the laughing end and it's no fun, in the end though neither one of them are worth jail time.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

While I think its sad he is still seeing her if you two are talking I think you should leave him alone. You can run him off but if she isn't happy with you there will just be another. Its her that is choosing to see him. 

If he swings the first punch, fine, but otherwise I would leave him alone. I wouldn't be trying to start one either or he can turn that against you. If you do and hurt him he might be the one that gets her sympathy.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

While I think its sad he is still seeing her if you two are talking I think you should leave him alone. You can run him off but if she isn't happy with you there will just be another. Its her that is choosing to see him. 

If he swings the first punch, fine, but otherwise I would leave him alone. I wouldn't be trying to start one either or he can turn that against you. If you do and hurt him he might be the one that gets her sympathy.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

What state op? Might be great evidence of an affair if it matters.

If it does not matter. Get a younger hotter girlfriend. SUCCESS is the best revenge. A felony record is a win for them!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The harshest punishment you can hand him is to let him fall into the pit he dug and let him have the cheating bat. Killing him gives him everlasting peace. He'll get over a beating in a few weeks. Being hooked up to her will be daily punishment that will only increase in severity. In a short time, the frustration, pain, and misery you are feeling, he will feel and it will probably be magnified. My ex cheated on me and left me and our kids for a neighbor "friend". A couple years later, he called me, crying his eyes out, blubbering about how she was cheating on him. He isn't taking anything that she isn't willfully and eagerly giving. If it wasn't him, it'd be some other guy. She's not worth spending a minute in the back seat of a patrol car and she's certainly not worth going to prison for.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

take the hint....SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!

sorry but someone had to say it.

the best revenge.....Is living well.

move ahead with your life and be happy she not in it. and in the end you will have the last laugh.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

She's been living with him for six months whilst still married? She doesn't sound like much of a prize. 

I'm sure he deserves everything you want to do to him, but... you're too good for this.

I'm truly sorry for what you're going through but neither of them are worth it. Embrace your freedom.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LostViking said:


> Drive by and knock on the door. If she comes to the door, spit in her face and turn around and walk away. Hopefully he will follow you and you can get him to take the first swing. Then beat him down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Do NOT do this. It is dangerous and might even prove fatal for you.*


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Thx to all of you for replying so quickly! Well, i live in the EU (Austria to be exact) and even if i would beat him up in self defence..i would get not away with it.
If i do it, i'll end up in jail for sure. Or (if he would survive) the Pos would shut his mouth in shame and tell no one.
This guy is like a rat, once i turn my back he's crawlin back out a his hole.
And he keeps dancing on my nose cause he knows that i can't do anything. I'm 1,88 m tall former military he 1,70 m big mouthed half Italian.
First time i told him to stay away from her, i didn't know it was him, second time i knew it's him and he agreed to stay away. Call me an idiot, please.
This is no longer about my wife, it's purly about him. I've developed serious anger issues. Workin out every second day help's but at times i'm like nitrolycerin. And today being 1st D day anniv. rly add's to it. If they wouldn't be a 2 hour drive away, i would have gone F u ck ushima on his arse.
I know that i need to stay away or i end up in jail but it's almost unbearable.
I wanna thank all you guys for the input so far, it rly helped me. Thx!


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

If you really want to get even with him... let him keep the lying cheating [email protected]

I cannot advise doing anything stupid. DO you really want her to use it against you in the divorce. Oh yeah, thats coming unless he kicks her out and you let her back.

Just curious, did you two have an agreement during your separation about dating, etc.? If you did, then I do not concur with married but happy's statement. 

If you can leverage her cheating to your benefit in the divorce, then by all means do it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Calm down, man. It's not worth.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

TimesOfChange said:


> Thx to all of you for replying so quickly! Well, i live in the EU (Austria to be exact) and even if i would beat him up in self defence..i would get not away with it.
> If i do it, i'll end up in jail for sure. Or (if he would survive) the Pos would shut his mouth in shame and tell no one.
> This guy is like a rat, once i turn my back he's crawlin back out a his hole.
> And he keeps dancing on my nose cause he knows that i can't do anything. I'm 1,88 m tall former military he 1,70 m big mouthed half Italian.
> ...


Listen I know its hard to deal with but people are strong they can survive bear attacks,concentration camps,cancer and a whole lot of adversity and you can and will survive this.

keep on truckin!


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## ceejay93 (Jun 29, 2013)

You said you're separated so start moving on! It's going to be hard and it's going to suck but anything other than ignoring both of them will end poorly for you! You'll end up in jail and they'll still be together.

Start ignoring her. You have no reason to communicate with her. Get a lawyer and have him communicate with her lawyer. She's served her purpose in your life and it's time to replace her. 

It doesn't matter how good the communication between the two of you is! She's a cheater. And remember, the OM didn't cheat on you, your wife did. So if anyone deserves an ass-whooping, it's the slvt you tried converting into a housewife (harsh but you need to accept it).

I'm really sorry you're going through this and I can't imagine how hurt you must be. The shame, emasculation, pity, anger, hurt, confusion, and love you feel for her must be dizzying. Many people on this forum have survived and you will too. 

Start working out now! Literally drop down and push out 100 push-ups then 100 body squats then 100 crunches. You'll be too tired to kick ass once you're done.

Stay strong. It gets better and eventually, someone will come into your life and do their best to help you along the path to healing.

p.s. Stop giving a fvck about your wife. She doesn't give any about you!


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Remind me never to marry and Aussie woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Right now, i realy needed some people to tell me what to do. I know the right answer..but it's, well you guys know what i wanna say.
And what add's up, i've quit smokin...again...48 hours ago.

Well what discribes how i feel right now is the Odysseus speech Odysseus Test of the Bow - YouTube


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

LostViking said:


> Remind me never to marry and Aussie woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Austria, not Australia.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

mask, gloves, need alibi. Then wait...


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Remind me never to marry and Aussie woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Austria not Australia and she's from Georgia (not the US staate). Best drunk 5 months of my life in that country.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Russian mail order bride?


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

aug said:


> mask, gloves, need alibi. Then wait...


Oh, i've had also that idea today..told my mother about it. My mother gave me some harsh word's after i told her. Thank god, that i have her.
I will try to work out now and later get some sleep. Sorry, for the drama but i rly needed some input right now and here it's 2 in the morning and everyone is sleeping.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Russian mail order bride?


Haha no :rofl: but damn i might have gotn a refund i she would have been lol


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

TimesOfChange said:


> Thx to all of you for replying so quickly! Well, i live in the EU (Austria to be exact) and even if i would beat him up in self defence..i would get not away with it.
> If i do it, i'll end up in jail for sure. Or (if he would survive) the Pos would shut his mouth in shame and tell no one.
> This guy is like a rat, once i turn my back he's crawlin back out a his hole.
> And he keeps dancing on my nose cause he knows that i can't do anything. I'm 1,88 m tall former military he 1,70 m big mouthed half Italian.
> ...


 WRONG!!!! This is not about him. It's about your wife! You think he kidnapped her? Put a gun to her head and forced her to move in to his house? Threatened her family? Come on man, your wife is the problem not him. SHE WOULD NOT BE THERE IF SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE! Kapeesh? Sorry for the Italian. Leave the guy alone and get your life back in order. He's not worth going to jail for and she isn't either. Cool your ass down and start thinking straight because from your threads, your not. Cool off please.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why not call a friend and go have fun? Duck them, you deserve better


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

They're both sh*t on your shoe. Wipe them off and move on. Not worth it, my friend.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

There's a good reason that I moved more than a thousand miles away from my former abode and it has to do with running into one of my ex's many studs after moving only 250 miles from there.
He made the mistake of pouting to me about how she was cheating on him after two months of being "with" her and getting mad when I pointed out that there had been at least three others before him after we split. The idiot got pissed at ME and tried to get physical. He's now walking with a limp and saving up for dentures.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

LostViking said:


> Drive by and knock on the door. If she comes to the door, spit in her face and turn around and walk away. Hopefully he will follow you and you can get him to take the first swing. Then beat him down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In the US, you can get arrested for assault for spitting in somebody's face. Might be the case in some other countries too. Oh yeah ... beat downs too, no matter who took the first swing.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Here is what I think you should do.

Write a simple letter. Explain the the woman lining at address XXX is married to a man in Austria, but the she is nothing but a cheating tramp who is shacking up with a short looser with "manhood" problems. Say, in case you should run into them, please spit in their face for you.

Then send it to every house/apartment in their building/street. Include their photos if you can.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and subscribe him to all the gay BSDM porn magazines you can,


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Does she know that you know?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Times

Go dark. Stay silent.

And never talk to her again.

Divorce her and go find a real woman.

There are plenty of them.

HM


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Do nothing either physically or even verbally violent! Say nothing! Gather any and all evidence that you have against them and let your attorney threaten to beat them over the head with it before a judge and jury!

I've never been there, but I greatly suspect that a prison, or even a county lockup, is not a very pleasant place to be!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

So putting yourself in prison while they're out enjoying themselves is the answer?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TimesOfChange said:


> Right now, i realy needed some people to tell me what to do.


If it were your brother, would you stop him if he was going to do hard time if he beat up, killed, injured, the man who took up with the gal who left him? Your mistake TOC is loving a woman more than she loves you. If it wasn't this guy, it would be another. And you don't know what story she told the guy. There are thousands of red blooded guys who would do what he did. Replace her and live free my man.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> Does she know that you know?


I've been back in town 3 days ago, waited in the car there but she never came home. I confronted her and when i saw in what mess our home is she confessed that she is with him.
I had the change that night to catch em at his place or at work. I decided to stay away.
Yesterday was just horrible, i had all this anger building up inside me, like a wave.
I've decided just not to contact her and to go silent, that town is from now on also from my Atlas.
But i still have 2 options A: finish them off at work verbaly (they still work together) prehaps get him fired.
B: tell her mother that she is still with the pos. They are orthodox christians and they really wouldn't find that funny.

But i think from now i'll just try not to think about it at all, i was a total mess yesterday. This is so embarrassing...


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## sang-froid (May 2, 2013)

She's stringing you along and feeding off the fact that she has two guys who want her. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop giving her the satisfaction and cut off contact. I know it's difficult to believe right now but you can work your way through this anger and become a stronger person on the other side of it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Never ever personally confront them. You always end up on the wrong side of the law.

Instead use written words of exposure to deal with them. Tell the truth to those they also lie too,

You say the work together - then expose them at work to both HR and coworkers.

And yes, expose her cheating to her family and friends.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

I've also notice some other strange things. They are almost 24/7 together, at the job or at home.
She's gave up all her freedom like she did with the guy before we married. She keeps payin and wasting money for our flat but lives with him, she cancelled her mobile number and got a new number under his account, the mobile is also from him.
This guy can track and tell with whom she's been talkin 24/7. She's fallen back into an old pattern.

I'm shocked, concerned and angry at the same time. She turned :scratchhead:. I pity her...


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

TimesOfChange said:


> I've been back in town 3 days ago, waited in the car there but she never came home. I confronted her and when i saw in what mess our home is she confessed that she is with him.
> I had the change that night to catch em at his place or at work. I decided to stay away.
> Yesterday was just horrible, i had all this anger building up inside me, like a wave.
> I've decided just not to contact her and to go silent, that town is from now on also from my Atlas.
> ...


I had the exact same thoughts about my WW's POS. I do have the power to destroy him professionally (he works in the same small industry as I do). These thoughts gradually became less & less intense. There is a Buddhist expression: A man in peril may choose to stand at the edge of any river. In time, he will observe the body of his enemy floating face down with the gentle current. 

My friend, our universe has a way of making things right. Call it karma, destiny, comeuppance ... such repercussions are proverbial. Find the place within yourself to focus internally on you ... Leave the universe to take care of all things external. Stay strong, stand your ground and create the life others can only dream of. Kindest Regards-


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

TimesOfChange said:


> I'm in a rage, can't sleep. 6 months ago i told the OM if i ever catch him around wife wife till we are divorced..he'll end up in a body bag.
> My wife and i are seperated but recently we started to communicate rly good again. But as it turned out, she hasen't been in our home for 6 months cause she's living with him..well for 6 months now.
> 
> I'm about to do something rly stupid, cause i know where they live. I've warned him 2 times and now i think it's time to give him the beating if his lifetime. I give a **** about my wife but the guy..well now it's rly personal.
> ...



For me, time to man up and beat him down.

Period.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

When I found out my wife was cheating on me, I was living in another city during the week and came home on weekends. That night it was raining and it took me three hours to get home and she was not expecting me. We argued on the phone about what she did, who she was with, etc and she knew she was caught but did not expect me to come home.

I called some of her brothers and my firends that I served in combat with in Iraq. Fortunately I had three hours to talk. If I had being at my old location where I worked, I would have been 5 miles from where they were meeting. I would have killed them. I was in that dark of a state of mind. My friends and her family talked me out of doing something very bad.

I get how you are feeling. You have to let her go. He is part of the equation but your wife is the one who really did this to you. The OM is not the one to take the blame, your wife is. We often shift our hard feelings on the OM/OW instead of where the blame really is and that is your wife.

Since you were in the military, use that discipline to redirect your anger. When I was in combat I had to deal with some very difficult situations. I had my weapon with me at all times and lots of ammo. I was a Master Sergeant and on one occasion I got into a huge argument with a Captain, I threw him out of my office and cursed him to no end. Not once did I think to use my weapon on that SOB. I had better discipline then to go there. When my wife cheated, I lost all my military bearing and discipline and had I been close I would have more than likely gone evil on them. Like I said prior, fortunately I had several hours to talk to my friends and they talked me down. 

The problem is not the dude. It is your wife. She is the one who betrayed you. 

Don't let your rage and anger control you. In January 2012 I got drunk and busted into the meat plant where the XOM worked, not one soul was there and I was going to hurt him badly. I would be in jail today. 

Stay off the booze. Take it from one who went there big time.

Find another outlet for your anger.

Don't do anything hasty and avoid the he*l out of your wife. Stay away from her. 

Don't confront your wife or the OM. Right now your life is worth more then doing something stupid and something you will regret the rest of your life.

A friend of mine beat the livng crap out of an OM. He spent 7 years in prison, his life went to hel*. He finally got his life together and today is doing great. He will tell you that his former wife was not worth it. Not worth the jail time, not worth the pain and suffering he went through. 

Yea, we can be men. We can be the king alpha male. We can open up a big can of whoop as*, but you need stop thinking this way and take care of yourself.

In combat there were times we had to run. Folks can call you a coward, or that you have lost your manliness. WTH. We who have served in the military know what military bearing and military posture means. There are times you have to walk or run away from a fight. The risks outweigh the rewards. On every mission we had to do a risk assessment. What you want to do is all in the red, it is all risk and nothing will actually be gained, except some ego boost, but the cost will be too great.

Don't go there.


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

I think you should listen to Thorburn.
I'd also add it would be a different situation if your wife was with you, working through R and O/M won't go away. I hate to say it, but if she's living with O/M, it's time to move on and put those two in the past. Get the divorce and start fresh and put that anger somewhere else. 

Best of luck to you.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Since you were in the military, use that discipline to redirect your anger. When I was in combat I had to deal with some very difficult situations. I had my weapon with me at all times and lots of ammo. I was a Master Sergeant and on one occasion I got into a huge argument with a Captain, I threw him out of my office and cursed him to no end. Not once did I think to use my weapon on that SOB. I had better discipline then to go there. When my wife cheated, I lost all my military bearing and discipline and had I been close I would have more than likely gone evil on them. Like I said prior, fortunately I had several hours to talk to my friends and they talked me down.
> 
> The problem is not the dude. It is your wife. She is the one who betrayed you.
> 
> ...


I thank you for your words and indeed my military training helped me a lot, or i would be someplace else a long time a ago. And at times i'd rather be in combat than fightin 2 cowards, in combat i can at least fight back.
And it's also a total mystery to me why i focus all my anger on him. Yea he did a lot of things to me but she initiated it, she is the cause of all the mess. Prehaps i can't do anything to her because i loved her or because she's a woman, well i think it's both.
And the booze, been a fulltime alcoholic for 6 Months and dry since March. I don't wanna go back that way.... I just hope that this rehab will end soon.

semper fi


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

Good job staying away. Continue to stay away and go dark. 

Proceed with D and go dark on both of them. None of their business anymore what you think, who you see, what you do. Divorce, done.

As unbelievable stated above, leave and let them swim in their own p1ss. Cheaters cheat, "affairs" become nests of vipers, they will punish each other and do all the work for you.

Do not punish yourself for their crimes. Stay free, D, find someone better! You can do it and you deserve it.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

She is so not worth you going to jail over. I have wanted to give a beat down to the skanky trashy OW my WS has hooked up with, but she is not worth me going to jail over or losing my job.

Just try and ignore them, you may have the last laugh in the end once the karma bus rolls over them. 

Sorry it is happening to you, but great folks here with some great advice.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

What's her citizenship status? Georgia isn't in the Schengen area, can she be deported if not married to you?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> What's her citizenship status? Georgia isn't in the Schengen area, can she be deported if not married to you?


OOOOHHH evil thought. I like it.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> What's her citizenship status? Georgia isn't in the Schengen area, can she be deported if not married to you?


By now she has a permanent resident card, i and my family helped her to get it. Takin it away of her is almost impossible, i would need proof of marriage fraud.
I need no one to thank me every day for what i've done for them but spitting me in the face like that makes me wish i would have.
What i sowed the guy and her are reaping now.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

TimesOfChange said:


> I've been back in town 3 days ago, waited in the car there but she never came home. I confronted her and when i saw in what mess our home is she confessed that she is with him.
> I had the change that night to catch em at his place or at work. I decided to stay away.
> Yesterday was just horrible, i had all this anger building up inside me, like a wave.
> I've decided just not to contact her and to go silent, that town is from now on also from my Atlas.
> ...


Nothing to be embarrassed about - she's the wh*re, not you.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> For me, time to man up and beat him down.
> 
> Period.


That isn't being a man. It's being a fool, and as I understand this guy is a lot smaller and untrained - it is a cowardly thing too. Not much more than beating up a woman or adolescent. 

All of this revenge mongering is wrong-headed. *Timesofchange* you hate this guy because hate is the expression of hurt. To man-up would be to get your wounds healed instead of bleeding all over creation. This is a thing that takes inner strength and determination. You have not anywhere on this thread expressed a determination to beat the pain, which is where your energy needs to be directed.

*BrockLanders* and *Weightlifter* - immigration couldn't care less about one more broken marriage out of millions. Once married, her status is adjusted to permanent residency, and there's nothing anyone can do. She can apply for citizenship on her own without him, divorced. 

Places like VisaJourney - Your US Immigration Community have threads every single day on women who left the minute the green card arrived in the mail, and there's nothing a person can do unless they have a bullet-proof evidence record of fraud, like a husband back home.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> That isn't being a man. It's being a fool, and as I understand this guy is a lot smaller and untrained - it is a cowardly thing too. Not much more than beating up a woman or adolescent.
> 
> All of this revenge mongering is wrong-headed. *Timesofchange* you hate this guy because hate is the expression of hurt. To man-up would be to get your wounds healed instead of bleeding all over creation. This is a thing that takes inner strength and determination. You have not anywhere on this thread expressed a determination to beat the pain, which is where your energy needs to be directed.
> 
> ...


I know - but permanent residency isn't given out 123 - it usually takes a bit of time.

Not sure about the EU but the US will revoke a green card if they find someone guilty of a felony. Is she on the up and up?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You don't own her. I understand your upset.(I was cheated on by my ex h and he married one of the OW he cheated with). You need to get yourself therapy and find a way to deal with your anger. Exercise and running are great stress relievers. 

Hurting this OM or your stbxw will not solve anything, it only makes matters worse. Violence is NOT the answer. Get yourself under control right now! Be a man and move on. Get professional help if you need to. Your stbxw is not worth your time. Like I said before, you don't own her. What she does now is her own business.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> I know - but permanent residency isn't given out 123 - it usually takes a bit of time.
> 
> Not sure about the EU but the US will revoke a green card if they find someone guilty of a felony. Is she on the up and up?


Here it takes max 5 years, and without proof of fraud there is nothing i can do.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Oh there are so many things you can do... legally. I’m a sick monkey sort.

She’s still trying to make it work for you. Be the OM, seduce her, do the fantasy stuff you’ve always wanted to, brag about it. Let her become a booty call using false promises.
You got her cell phone and knows he’s watching? Start sending random text (not stalker enough though to get a restraining order filed) like it’s the middle of a conversation... “I enjoyed it too... hope we can do it again sometime soon.” Little bits of “evidence” for the OM to find and go crazy over. 
Try to engage her in conversations so her cellphone record has all these calls. When he ask her, you know she’ll keep it to the basics, but it doesn’t explain a couple hours of conversations.
If you meet, wear cologne and make sure to give her a big ole hug thus leaving your scent on her. She will dress up... they do that anyway. 

So many things to drive them nuts. You’ve been there, you know what works and eats away at a person and trust. Use it.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> I know - but permanent residency isn't given out 123 - it usually takes a bit of time.
> 
> Not sure about the EU but the US will revoke a green card if they find someone guilty of a felony. Is she on the up and up?


Give it up buddy. I've been on visajourney for six years, and this is a DAILY topic. He would have received an RFE - request for evidence - if there were any suspicions by immigration which is overwhelmed by caseloads and barely glances at files. 

He would have had an adjustment of status interview. He raised his right hand and swore under oath that the marriage was bona fide and entered into in good faith. There was a loooooong process with multiple rounds of paperwork, background checks, etc. before this. It is way, way too late. 

Why are you suddenly introducing a felony into this? She left him. That isn't a felony. 

This is all just wasted effort and destructive to his healing, to be spending resources trying to harm the other party.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> That isn't being a man. It's being a fool, and as I understand this guy is a lot smaller and untrained - it is a cowardly thing too. Not much more than beating up a woman or adolescent.
> 
> All of this revenge mongering is wrong-headed. *Timesofchange* you hate this guy because hate is the expression of hurt. To man-up would be to get your wounds healed instead of bleeding all over creation. This is a thing that takes inner strength and determination. You have not anywhere on this thread expressed a determination to beat the pain, which is where your energy needs to be directed.
> 
> ...


I've kept beating my pain for exactly 365 days. She promised me to stay away till we are divorced but for 6 months she is with that guy as if he is her husband. I was a fool to take her word. And this guy also agreed to stay away till she is a free woman, cause than i would not have cared any longer.
I'm getn disrespected again and again. This is not about possessing her or my lack of patience.
After all that happened i gave em the chance to walk away without any violence but they keep hurting my borders. We had an agreement it's been broken. I'm a man of principles and i was a fool to believe both of them. I try to walk away in peace but they keep hurting me.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

I think most of us, especially men at some point get to a "they need five knuckles to the forehead" stage. For some its brief, for others its long. 

All I can say is they claim a small victory each time you dwell on how they lied to you. 

Once she cheated, and chose the om over you, you no longer owed each other anything. 

Do not give her anything beyond what she's already taken. She doesn't even deserve your anger.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

If this is why your marriage is breaking up you could sue him, at least you can in the state that I live in. Next time my husband has an affair and she knows he's married I will sue her and kick him out.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What is stopping you from a non violent exposure at their work place ?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

TimesOfChange said:


> I've kept beating my pain for exactly 365 days. She promised me to stay away till we are divorced but for 6 months she is with that guy as if he is her husband. I was a fool to take her word. And this guy also agreed to stay away till she is a free woman, cause than i would not have cared any longer.
> I'm getn disrespected again and again. This is not about possessing her or my lack of patience.
> After all that happened i gave em the chance to walk away without any violence but they keep hurting my borders. We had an agreement it's been broken. I'm a man of principles and i was a fool to believe both of them. I try to walk away in peace but they keep hurting me.


Well I think we learned something here, and it is about possession. You tried to extract a promise that makes no sense out of an infidel: a pledge of her fidelity, even though she alteady cheated and you are divorcing. :scratchhead:

It doesn't make her actions right, my God no - but making that agreement and having those expectations is not only ill-advised... but it sounds like you threatened violence in order to extract that promise. So it makes any violence premeditated and works against you in court. You can't take an "agreement" made under duress as valid to begin with. 

The judge isn't going to say "well, he warned you..." The judge is going to add the prior threat of violence to the seriousness of the charge.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you want to hurt this guy go after his job!
Its time to go nuke this affair and expose this to every one.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Public humiliation of them by telling the truth.

Btw, try reporting her to the government as fraudulently marrying you then leaving, they might just kick her out.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

TimesOfChange said:


> I've kept beating my pain for exactly 365 days. She promised me to stay away till we are divorced but for 6 months she is with that guy as if he is her husband. I was a fool to take her word. And this guy also agreed to stay away till she is a free woman, cause than i would not have cared any longer.
> I'm getn disrespected again and again. This is not about possessing her or my lack of patience.
> After all that happened i gave em the chance to walk away without any violence but they keep hurting my borders. We had an agreement it's been broken. I'm a man of principles and i was a fool to believe both of them. I try to walk away in peace but they keep hurting me.


She cheated then promised to stay away from the OM. And the OM said he would stay away. Why in the world would you want that? It should had been no surpise to you that they lied. Cheaters lie. 

Your code of honor is not theirs. They are scum.

And get rid of this disrespecting mentality. She disrespected you big time. And now they are hurting your borders.

They violated your values, your rules, your way of thinking. 

Brother they don't have your values, or think the same way you do.

They disrespected you and now you are thinking of revenging your honor. Stupid thinking. I lived in those cultures that think this way my friend. We have this mentality in the city I live in right now. Kids will kill someone because of the way they looked at them, they will say, he disrespected me. WTH. 

I get it. They are hurting you only because you are allowing them to hurt you. They are living their lives. She is gone. Move on. Don't expect them to honor anything you want or how you expect things to go. They don't care.

Leave her alone.

I gave this advice to several of the Veterans I counsel when they were going through similar situations. None of them listened. They just got wrapped up in the drama. One tried to kill himself. He is now doing well. It is hard to disengage. We hear you loud and clear. 

Leave her alone and leave him alone.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

An update to the story...
Talked to the OM on the phone today. I told him every thing i ever wanted to and in the end i told him that i forgive him.

That freed me and i showed him greatness he never had and never will have in his life.

It has been a blow greater than any punch..cause now for the rest of his life he knows that he is just scum and that he never ever will be a man as i am.

Every idiot can hit someone, to forgive it takes greatness.
Checkmate.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

TimesOfChange said:


> An update to the story...
> Talked to the OM on the phone today. I told him every thing i ever wanted to and in the end i told him that i forgive him.
> 
> That freed me and i showed him greatness he never had and never will have in his life.
> ...


In May I basically did the same thing with the XOM. I left a message on is phone, talked to his pastor and the owner of the meatplant where he works. I threatened to hire street people and have an anti-adultery rally outside the church and business if the XOM did not confess to his wife and call me by 7 P.M. that day. I was serious. As I was getting in my truck at 7 P.M. to head down to the XOM's house, my phone rang and it was the XOM. I forgave him and then he stayed in contact with me for a few days asking me to help him win his wife back. I did. His M is on the mend and so is mine. My wife cried as I talked to the XOM, she said that I showed him so much grace and she said I can't believe you handled it this way after all we did to hurt you.

All I can say is that God just filled me with forgiveness because on my own I wanted to kill him and just may have.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> In May I basically did the same thing with the XOM. I left a message on is phone, talked to his pastor and the owner of the meatplant where he works. I threatened to hire street people and have an anti-adultery rally outside the church and business if the XOM did not confess to his wife and call me by 7 P.M. that day. I was serious. As I was getting in my truck at 7 P.M. to head down to the XOM's house, my phone rang and it was the XOM. I forgave him and then he stayed in contact with me for a few days asking me to help him win his wife back. I did. His M is on the mend and so is mine. My wife cried as I talked to the XOM, she said that I showed him so much grace and she said I can't believe you handled it this way after all we did to hurt you.
> 
> All I can say is that God just filled me with forgiveness because on my own I wanted to kill him and just may have.


Amen to that. I haven been just so fed up with all this hatred...There is enough pain and suffering in this world and if everyone could just forgive, it would be a better place. 
Something that also initiated this is..my sister died a week ago, the funeral was today. I realised that all my hatred only kept hurting one person, me.
As for the OM, he was speechless. 
I feel free now and i also hope that my sister is free now and in a better world.

Semper Fi


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Times I know it is hard. The crosshairs of your anger belong on your Ex wife. The OM could be anyone.... anyone really when it comes to a cheater like your wife. The OM is irrelevant because if she was going to cheat she would have found someone else if the current OM disappeared. IT is easier to point the blame at the OM because it hurts so damn much to think that the person you thought was your rock, your home, is nothing more that a selfish uncaring fool. That you wasted years of your life working to create a home and a life just to have her disappear. Right now you should do everything you can to focus on you and your life. Show her that you didn't need her and that your life is going to move on and be awesome now that she isn't holding you back anymore. Find a girlfriend, start a new hobby, do something productive and make this a big a positive as you can. Eventually you will find someone who will love you, respect you, and be loyal to you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

TimesOfChange said:


> Amen to that. I haven been just so fed up with all this hatred...There is enough pain and suffering in this world and if everyone could just forgive, it would be a better place.
> Something that also initiated this is..my sister died a week ago, the funeral was today. I realised that all my hatred only kept hurting one person, me.
> As for the OM, he was speechless.
> I feel free now and i also hope that my sister is free now and in a better world.
> ...


Sorry for your loss. My youngest sister died a month after I arrived in Iraq, it just suc*s. At least we had a good goodbye as we knew we would never see each other again as she was in the last stage of cancer. 

Forgiveness is always a better way to deal with hurt. 

Move on Marine.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Sorry for your loss. My youngest sister died a month after I arrived in Iraq, it just suc*s. At least we had a good goodbye as we knew we would never see each other again as she was in the last stage of cancer.
> 
> Forgiveness is always a better way to deal with hurt.
> 
> Move on Marine.


I'm sorry to hear that. My sister was also very sick but it wasn't her body..it was her mind. She committed suicide, a bullet to the heart. An hour ago i returned from the town she lived in, returning with the few things she had with her. The cops showed me the sight where it happened and the rifle. I sat there, looking at the last thing she saw. There are goodbye letters for my 2 brothers, my other sister and me. I'm so afraid to open my letter....
I'm sorry for derailing this thread but i needed to get this off my chest.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

TimesOfChange said:


> I'm sorry to hear that. My sister was also very sick but it wasn't her body..it was her mind. She committed suicide, a bullet to the heart. An hour ago i returned from the town she lived in, returning with the few things she had with her. The cops showed me the sight where it happened and the rifle. I sat there, looking at the last thing she saw. There are goodbye letters for my 2 brothers, my other sister and me. I'm so afraid to open my letter....
> I'm sorry for derailing this thread but i needed to get this off my chest.


Sorry again for your loss. I have dealt with several families where suicide was involved. I sometimes was the one who had to notify the family. 

Read the letter when you are able. Might be good to have someone there with you. 

Life is just so complicated at times. You are dealing with one crisis and then another one comes along. 

Might sound trite but try to run or take some long walks. It will help release some of the stress chemicals that are building up in your body.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TimesOfChange said:


> An update to the story...
> Talked to the OM on the phone today. I told him every thing i ever wanted to and in the end i told him that i forgive him.
> 
> That freed me and i showed him greatness he never had and never will have in his life.
> ...


*You're the man, TOC! You're the Man that God created you to be! There is so much more power in forgiveness than there ever was in blatant hostility!

Game, Set, and Match!*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

So now that the OM knows you know, have you heard anything from your STBXW? He must have told her you called him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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