# help I need advice



## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

I have been married 22 years this year, he drives me insane. He is registered disabled and mostly sits at home watching tv and has been doing this for about ten years. He has not real interests apart from sticking his nose into everyone else's business, tries to take me everywhere in the car. when i play rounders, he takes me and waits in the car. I find him very boring,because he has no interests.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

babsbabs7171 said:


> I have been married 22 years this year, he drives me insane. He is registered disabled and mostly sits at home watching tv and has been doing this for about ten years. He has not real interests apart from sticking his nose into everyone else's business, tries to take me everywhere in the car. when i play rounders, he takes me and waits in the car. I find him very boring,because he has no interests.


So what advise do you need? So far you're just venting.


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## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

yes this is probably just a VENT!!! its got to come out somewhere.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why is he registered disabled?

What illness had he got?

Does he need counselling?

How does he feel about being disabled?

How do you feel about him being disabled?

'Do you have any children?

In which country do you live?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsman (Aug 6, 2016)

What is playing rounders?


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

kingsman said:


> What is playing rounders?


It's like baseball with slight variations. Originally from Ireland. So it's an Irish version of baseball/softball.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

Do you have a job?


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## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

ok im 45, four children youngest one is 15. I feel awful but hes had chronic lung disease practically all his life and depression. I am half way through a masters and also working part time, I paint, draw write and have loads of interests. I feel so lonely and long to have someone who I can feel affection for and them for me. I couldnt leave him as Ive got no where to go and hes literally go nobody, no family, friends. I just dont know what to do, Im in the UK.


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## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

im 45, hes 44, we have four children, two at uni and 15 and 16 year old at home.


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## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

hi wIm in the UK
I work part time and also doing a part time masters at uni
have four children youngest one 15,
He had chronic lung disease, hes 25 stone, very negative person, always depressed. he wont do the counselling thing. he never stuck at a job even before he got ill. \the whole 22 years ive been married to him have always been hard and financially difficult. I feel like hes a real burden, but could never get away. 




I feel incredibly lonely with him, but i have nowhere to go, no money and as hes disabled I dont feel i could leave.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

KillerClown said:


> So what advise do you need? So far you're just venting.


Not the Hyper Variety........yet....to beget....no regret?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Encourage him to see a doctor about his depression. Weight loss would help with the lung problem. 350 lbs is a lot to lug around. At least he's getting out of the house when he's driving you around and it makes him feel useful.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Deleted


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Let me be the first to say this.

You are a Saint.

You have paid your dues.

The last child will be out of the house in a few years [I presume].

You owe this man something.....but not much. 

His physical disability has NOT earned him a permanent maid, house keeper and abuse-receptacle. You are these things.

You walk the earth one time. Walk away.....start over. 

He will survive....and may learn something about the bitter root that [he sucks] on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lung disease is often treated with steroids and in the UK Doctors continue to keep people on high steroid doses for years and years, way beyond the guidelines for repeat prescriptions in the BPC.

And what do steroids do? Ramp your weight up.

And this causes more problems with breathing which worsens the condition.

And this causes depression.

He needs treatment for depression, the weight problems and, if possible, he needs to be weaned off the steroids.

It's not easy for the spouse of someone who is disabled.

I hope these links may be of some help to you:-
https://www.caring.com/questions/caring-for-disabled-husband
http://www.psi.org.uk/publications/archivepdfs/Disability and social/BALDWIN.pdf
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
https://www.blf.org.uk/


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## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

yes thanks for the good advice, but that is his decision and he has done nothing about it so far. I m just being driven mad by the fact that he is such a boring person with or without his disability. unfortunately I have nowhere to go. he uses his disability car as a weapon, so if i anger him or upset him in any way, he wont let me use the car and then I'm stuck, even when I have to take the kids places. he leaves his rubbish everywhere, he is negative about everything, he argues all the time with my 15 year old who has ADHD, there is nothing good about this marriage and I so want out, but he can be really nasty and has in the past gone to relatives of mine and acted like he is the victim in everything. he brings our marital problems into conversations with the kids and relatives. If I left he would totally act like the victim and he would make sure everybody knew everything.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to see a Solicitor as soon as you can to check out your legal position.

Dreadfully sorry your husband is how he is.


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## babsbabs7171 (Aug 4, 2016)

yes but is there a pill to stop someone being so boring? Ive suggested all those things. he will only do what he wants to do.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

ok so you want to divorce this guy you've been married to for 22 years and have 4 kids with... because he's boring?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> ok so you want to divorce this guy you've been married to for 22 years and have 4 kids with... because he's boring?


And lazy, manipulative, argumentative, doesn't get on with his own kid, cruel, devious, divisive and so forth.

If he was just boring I think Babs would not be so done with him.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I have heard of several drugs that you take to make him seem more interesting. But the answer to your question is Hobby. I like outdoor hobbies, but he could even take up stamp collecting and be more interesting.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Once you get your degree, get out. This sounds miserable.


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