# Sexless Marriage: Is Castration the answer?



## Windsurfer (Jan 21, 2012)

I will have been married to my beautiful wife for 20 years this year. We have 3 wonderful kids. The problem (for me) is that we have sex maybe 4-5 times per year.

I feel like I can't talk about it with her. When I sit down on the couch and just put my hand on her leg, a lot of times she blurts out 'I'm on my period, just to let you know' or 'I'm really tired - it's been a long day, so don't get any thoughts, sorry' or 'I feel so bloated' or something like that. I believe she is trying to nip it in the bud, and save me from getting really frustrated thinking I have a chance later on. We still cuddle, but she lays down the law most nights very quickly.

We've hardly ever had sex more than once or twice a month, and I think a lot of it has to do with her Catholic upbringing. She has never really been into anything but the missionary position, although she has let me try a few different positions occasionally. Lately it has been all missionary. She also likes it better when it gets over quickly. She seems to really enjoy it when we do have sex, but then we go a really long time between sessions. I don't need much of the exotic stuff, but boy I sure enjoy having any kind of sex with her.

So I am wondering about getting castrated. I am in my mid-forties and don't think we'll be having much sex the rest of our lives. I can't imagine being with anyone else, but it really is frustrating dealing with the desire/'horniness'. Would it make sense to get castrated and just give up on the sex? I know it probably sounds radical, but it is REALLY hard to talk about it with her, because it usually gets her mad and or feeling guilty and we don't get anywhere. If I had this operation, then she would not worry about me coming on to her hoping for sex and making her feel mad or guilty, and I would not have to deal so much with these desires. Any thoughts?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That sounds drastic--and permanent. At least try counseling first.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Try reconnecting with your wife emotionally. Figure out what it takes to meet her needs. For me is cuddling and holding hands. You may want to try therapy. Castration sounds a bit drastic and it's irreversible. 

If your wife is going through menopause, I've heard it decreases the sex drive. 

Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No, it's not the answer.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Windsurfer said:


> I will have been married to my beautiful wife for 20 years this year. We have 3 wonderful kids. The problem (for me) is that we have sex maybe 4-5 times per year.
> 
> I feel like I can't talk about it with her. When I sit down on the couch and just put my hand on her leg, a lot of times she blurts out 'I'm on my period, just to let you know' or 'I'm really tired - it's been a long day, so don't get any thoughts, sorry' or 'I feel so bloated' or something like that. I believe she is trying to nip it in the bud, and save me from getting really frustrated thinking I have a chance later on. We still cuddle, but she lays down the law most nights very quickly.
> 
> ...


 

H3LL NO!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You`re 40 and you want to castrate yourself to please your wife.

Dude you need to seriously man-up and start respecting yourself.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Show her this thread, and don't be intimidated by her defensiveness. Depriving someone of sex in a marriage is abusive in my book. Aside that, I don't think any doc would do it without first having you undergo counseling and perhaps, psychological testing...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> You`re 40 and you want to castrate yourself to please your wife.
> 
> Dude you need to seriously man-up and start respecting yourself.


:iagree:

Not only that, but testosterone (your lust hormone) is made in your adrenal glands as well as in your testes, so you may not eliminate all of your desire anyway - and you would set yourself up for some potentially larger health issues.

I think you should contemplate why you feel like it is okay to think this may be an answer to your dilemma. As a man, you were created to feel exactly the way you do - it should be something that you should be proud of. And if your wife cannot see that or understand that, that is HER problem, not yours.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Windsurfer said:


> Would it make sense to get castrated and just give up on the sex?


No.


Start here instead:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

I don't believe castration is the answer.

However, I wonder if 

"Are you f*cking insane?"

or

"Is this hyperbole to make a point?"

is actually the question...


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## Windsurfer (Jan 21, 2012)

Sawney Beane and Everyone Else,

Yeah it may have been some hyperbole, but boy is it frustrating. Those links from BigBadWolf definitely helped to know I am not alone. 

I can explain to her that it is the responsibility of each partner to provide sex to the other, but how good will that sex be? So now I have sex because I guilt trip her into it? That's pretty lame.

I'll keep bringing it up and see what happens. It just sucks.

Thanks to everyone for all the input.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Windsurfer said:


> So I am wondering about getting castrated. I am in my mid-forties and don't think we'll be having much sex the rest of our lives. I can't imagine being with anyone else, but it really is frustrating dealing with the desire/'horniness'. Would it make sense to get castrated and just give up on the sex?


No, no no and NO!

Male hormones do much more than stimulate libido. They regulate your moods, muscle mass, body fat, metabolism and energy levels. They provide the same type of health benefits to men that female hormones do for woman.

I can't even picture a doctor performing the procedure as purely elective surgery


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Windsurfer said:


> Sawney Beane and Everyone Else,
> 
> Yeah it may have been some hyperbole, but boy is it frustrating. Those links from BigBadWolf definitely helped to know I am not alone.


No, you are certainly NOT alone.



> I can explain to her that it is the responsibility of each partner to provide sex to the other, but how good will that sex be?


First tings first, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

You may say very rationally and eloquently that "sex is a responsibility", that "I need sex", and that "It's important to me to have sex." etc.

What she hears "whine whine whine boo hoo pleeasee pretty pleeeeeeeaaase let me put my wee wee into your girl-hole or i'm gonna pout and cry."



I'm serious.

If nothing else, you have GOT to understand that talking to a woman trying to discuss or negotiate sex is a HUGE turnoff to her, and kills any respect she may have for you.

And when there is no sexual attraction and there is no respect, there WILL BE NO SEX. 



> So now I have sex because I guilt trip her into it? That's pretty lame.


It is lame. ANd even if it ever worked once, it wouldn't work for long.



> I'll keep bringing it up and see what happens. It just sucks.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all the input.


No. 

Don't bring it up any more. At least for a good while.

How much better, instead of "bringing it up", that you instead DO THINGS.

Things that 1. Increase respect, and 2. increase sexual attractiveness.

It is far better to get your woman on fire, wet in the pants and wanting to rip off your clothes (and wanting you to rip off hers), and this is done by ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS (not words) that do #1 and #2 above.

Spend time with those links, in them are truths hard won by many men who have been right where you are.


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## Mr&MrsSmith (Jan 21, 2012)

You need to talk to her. Maybe there are things unsaid that are making her feel the way she is.


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## Debbie Roxs (Dec 30, 2011)

I have never heard of castration as an answer for a problem like yours. First don't even think about it anymore. Instead ask yourself what can I do to be more loving to my wife. How about a long back rub without expecting sex in return. After a few of those romantic type evenings ask what you can do so she will want to have sex more often.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

Windsurfer said:


> If I had this operation, then she would not worry about me coming on to her hoping for sex and making her feel mad or guilty, and I would not have to deal so much with these desires. Any thoughts?


I'm not taking this literally, as some folks have. From my reading it appears to be a common thing that wives engage in 'castrating' behaviour (mine does) and since society blames the abused rather than the abuser, feminism blames the guy... of course you're feeling bad about yourself. The abused perpetuates the cycle through self-blame.

So you have to feel good about yourself, independent of her. Stop chasing her. Have a cigar, have a life and enjoy it. Whether or not you have a mistress is your business and neither right nor wrong... it's more common than you think, although if you talk about it you'll encounter society disapproving (the same society that thinks it's OK to bomb civilians to get cheap oil).


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## Windsurfer (Jan 21, 2012)

Thanks to everyone who participated in this thread. We had a long talk last night (til 1 in the morning) and we also had sex! She agrees that she does have a problem with low libido and that she really enjoys sex when we have it. We are going to try to spend more time together just the two of us (we have a crazy schedule with the kid's activities) and try to schedule sex more often.

She did bring up more back rubs, and try to just cuddle several times without having sex, as she thinks this will probably put her more in the mood. 

Surprisingly she did not get mad at me for bringing up all of this. I think I headed it off by starting with 'can we just talk without getting really emotional on either side?' I know it will not be fixed overnight, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

Thanks again to everyone who posted replies. I don't think I could ever bring myself to do something like castration - heck I can't even let a knife get near my stuff for the big 'V'. They are just too valuable to me.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I've read up on the Catholic sex thing and it's sad to see how that religion devalues sex as a way for a married couple to simply enjoy each other. Instead, it's procreation (sex must end in a man ejaculating in a women. Birth control is wrong. yada yada yada) with pleasure as the motivator, not as an end in itself. Then, some individual opinions even go further (good girl's don't, there would not be sex if not for original sin). Please do not underestimate how much this can impact a person's sexuality.

The first thing I would do is get yourselves to MC to reinforce what healthy relationships look like.

The second thing I would is stop going to RC church - yesterday. There's a chance your wife simply follows the doctrine blindly and cannot (or will not) apply some discernment.

If you look at the sex and religion forum, you will see that the Bible celebrates sexuality and does not prohibit any expressions of sexuality (so long as it is between a husband and a wife). Try to get some resources (books, a new church if you still worship) to undo the guilt mindset your wife appears to have.


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

Windsurfer said:


> So I am wondering about getting castrated.


No. Just don't.



Windsurfer said:


> We still cuddle, but she lays down the law most nights very quickly.


Lay down the law before her, then! When you approach her, tell her your intentions:
Perhaps start at a not-as-hot-spot: "Hi darling, you seem tired. May I give you a foot rub?" or perhaps offer to brush her hair (some women like this).
As she responds more positively to this, progress to:
"Hi sweetheart, _if_ you're feeling too tired to make love _tonight_, I'd like to give you a massage"
This is important: you're acknowledging her potential 'scapegoat' (feeling tired) and in saying 'tonight' you're making it obvious in a non-intimidating way that you'd like to get some at some point... BUT you're also giving her an option, so she retains some level of control.

Eventually, be bolder: "I'm going to take a bath... would you like to join me?"

You don't need to go up to her (especially if she is the more conservative sort of woman), smack her butt and tell her you want sex. But what you DO need is to be the one opening the doors by creating intimate situations, rather than let her barricade every chance with a 'I'm not up to it' excuse before you've even rung the doorbell.

BE proactive! Even if it means allowing actual intercourse to take a back seat for now (which, as you've said, would not make a huge change from the norm...), work on reclaiming that special intimacy which makes a woman want to have sex in the first place.

If you don't want to go the 'guilt trip' way of saying "it's part of her wifely duties", then you have to make her want it. It might be hard work, but make it fun (like courting/romancing!) and in the long term, if she wants it, you'll both enjoy it.

If you're creating these intimate situations more and more (some of the time hinting at sex, other times not), she'll have less of a mind to believe her own excuses and probably become more aware of turning you down when she does... a little bit 'guilt trippy' but not in a horrid way.



Windsurfer said:


> I think a lot of it has to do with her Catholic upbringing. She has never really been into anything but the missionary position...


Coaxing her out of this bubble might be difficult. Instead, step into her bubble, take her by the hand, and lead her out like a man.

As you ease her back into sex, try doing it in different locations (couch/sofa, a blanket on the floor, a table...) This can be just as exciting as a different position, and might help open her up.


Ultimately, whilst cuddling is great, it is not sufficient as the core of your relationship's intimacy. People hug their friends, their parents, siblings, heck - we even can sit cuddling our flippin' cats for ages. But what makes the intimacy of marriage special are the other things, like long massages, taking baths together and obviously sex.

If you want to get a little more quirky and have some cash to spend, make dinner reservations somewhere lovely and buy her a beautiful new dress to wear... only pick something with closures at the back (like a long zip or several clasps). Be there when she's dressing or undressing, and help her.

MAKE those opportunities to touch intimately and she WILL respond... I hope 


P.S. Just saw your last post haha... Good for you! I'm glad you guys have a good stream of communication. As for her low libido, whether its a combination of hormones, personality, stress, etc - increasing those intimate moments (especially those without the 'goal' of sex) will warm her up and hopefully make her want you more.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Again we read another post where a conversation takes place, you have sex and your wife then explains you have to "ear" the right to have sex. I.e. more back rubs, cuddling..... without the expectations of sex. Sorry will not work in the long run.

20 years and never too much sex and you think now a light will turn on? You made your bed and have been a wimp for all those years. I hate to say these words, but "Man Up". 

Sex should not be something that one spouse has to earn.

Could you imagine a male telling his SO that she should try cuddling more or giving him a back rub, doing the dishes and cleaning the house and then maybe, just maybe he'll have sex with her.

Now back to the OP. Sounds nasty, but do you know how to give your wife an orgasm? All you said is that it seems like she is into it. Were you virgins when you married? Of course this goes back to her RC upbringing.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Seems a bit drastic. I'd murder-suicide before that.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

tacoma said:


> You`re 40 and you want to castrate yourself to please your wife.
> 
> Dude you need to seriously man-up and start respecting yourself.


:iagree::iagree: Thank you.

Men who are too passive do not gain respect bricks!

I was raised Catholic too, but I realized how corrupt that religion was when I was 15.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Again we read another post where a conversation takes place, you have sex and your wife then explains you have to "ear" the right to have sex. I.e. more back rubs, cuddling..... without the expectations of sex. Sorry will not work in the long run.
> 
> 
> Sex should not be something that one spouse has to earn.
> ...


I find that line of reasoning hilarious too. 

I wonder about its acceptability in a different context. Like, let's say a spouse came on and said "My spouse doesn't treat me kindly enough/provide any affection at all/help with chores/talk to me about my day/refrain from verbally abusing me/etc."

And a response was:


"Have you considered having sex with him more often? Try having sex with him a few time, with no expectation of kindness/affection/chore help/emotional support/refraining from verbal abuse FIRST and then maybe he will open up more in those areas."

We would all rightly see how ridiculous this is.
It's the same dang thing!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Windsufer, it's obvious that YOU don't require any sort of medical procedure, merely because your parts are in working order.
Your wife needs to be forced to see a physician to discover why she doesn't wish to reciprocate.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> I've read up on the Catholic sex thing and it's sad to see how that religion devalues sex as a way for a married couple to simply enjoy each other. Instead, it's procreation (sex must end in a man ejaculating in a women. Birth control is wrong. yada yada yada) with pleasure as the motivator, not as an end in itself. Then, some individual opinions even go further (good girl's don't, there would not be sex if not for original sin). Please do not underestimate how much this can impact a person's sexuality.


DTO,

I am not a Catholic Apologist, but you didn't really research this very well.

The Catholic position is that *married* couples should be doing it like rabbits and yes, they have relaxed their position on the "Procreation-only" purpose of sex.

They understand sex to be a bonding activity to marriage and it keeping the marriage in a state of consummation.

However, you are correct though that used to be the doctrine of Catholicism - even in marriage, sex was only supposed to be engaged in for procreational purposes.

I confess I am not sure how "official" that doctrine was, but there was that sentiment out there.

Lately, the Church has gone on record that married couples aren't having sex enough. . .


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

To add. . .being somewhat of a student of this (and honestly not subscribing to any doctrine). . .you can have hours of discussion on what the purpose of "sex" should be.

You opine, "Well, just for the pursuit of pleasure itself is a good enough reason."

I may opine: "For health."

The OP may opine: "To please each other."

Pope John Paul did go on record that he beleived American society had become "oversexualized" to a large degree, that all of this focus on sex isn't healthy for a culture and the great import we seem to place on it. That is, in a worldwide context, we, as Americans, really seem hung up on it and other cultures are not.

Now, many Americans may dismiss this as the ramblings of sexually repressed homosexual men, but these men ARE smart, often speaking 6-10 languages allowing them a worldwide perspective.

It probably isn't the right thread for such a discussion, but it got brought up and apparently, the people with Catholic upbringings often have the MOST misunderstanding as it relates to sex and marriage.

If I was a priest, rabbi, minister, deacon, I know I'd be talking about sex probably at least 2x/month at my Sunday sermons and how my faithful flock isn't boinking enough.

You'd have to sell tickets. Forget passing the basket around


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> DTO,
> 
> I am not a Catholic Apologist, but you didn't really research this very well.
> 
> ...


I see what you are saying, but let me ask the following:

1) Does official Catholic doctrine still prohibit birth control (I do not consider NFP to be "birth control" in that it does not allow one to remain consistently sexual while avoiding pregnancy)?

2) Does official Catholic doctrine still consider sexual activity not ending in PIV ejaculation to be sinful?

As far as I know, it does. That is why I feel that Catholic doctrine devalues sex.

I get that Catholic doctrine acknowledges the "marital debt", and I can accept that Catholic clergy feel people don't have sex enough, but that does not mean sex is not considered a procreative activity. In fact, I believe the position taken is that sex not open to life inhibits the unitive purpose. So, we can both be right on this topic (that people should have sex more often and be open to life are not mutually exclusive).

From a practical perspective, this is the way I see sex for observant Catholics going down (no pun intended):

1. You start out as a new married couple having sex pretty much whenever she's not on her period (I've never met a woman who wanted sex during her period, even though it's technically allowed).

2. Statistically speaking, the woman will be pregnant within a year (assuming a reasonable sexual frequency). Nine months later a baby is born, then after some length of time sexual activity resumes.

3. Rinse and repeat steps 1 and 2 above.

4. After some years when the family reaches a certain size and the parents are "maxxed out", the couple (a) implements NFP and basically limits sex to the time between the end of a woman's period and a few days before ovulation (remember that sperm live for 3-5 days) OR (b) they stop being observant and choose to use artificial birth control. Hopefully guilt over doing so does not interfere with their sex lives.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> Pope John Paul did go on record that he beleived American society had become "oversexualized" to a large degree, that all of this focus on sex isn't healthy for a culture and the great import we seem to place on it.


I disagree that Americans are oversexualized and other cultures are not. It seems that other cultures are more okay with sex than we are (witness the lack of nudity on TV, unease over public breastfeeding). But, even if you are correct, you've just contradicted your earlier statement that the church feels we are not having sex enough.



Scannerguard said:


> Now, many Americans may dismiss this as the ramblings of sexually repressed homosexual men...


That may be overly harsh. I personally believe that celibacy (required of Catholic clergy) without wanting for sex is a gift that not every person has (1 COR 7: 7-9). I see a huge moral hazard when people without a sex drive tell the rest of us (the majority) that sex is no big deal, and proceed to place some pretty strict limitations on it (beyond the Biblical).



Scannerguard said:


> If I was a priest, rabbi, minister, deacon, I know I'd be talking about sex probably at least 2x/month at my Sunday sermons and how my faithful flock isn't boinking enough.
> 
> You'd have to sell tickets. Forget passing the basket around


I've heard that most churches are hesitant to be so open about this, so you just might have to sell tickets. Then again, many of those folks might be there to ask "I like sex but already have four kids and honestly cannot handle any more; what does the Church say about that?"


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

Its often said that one should not talk politics and religion at the dinner table 

That said, there are many good things associated with organized religion, but unfortunately, there are some old ways that need to be relegated to the dustbins of history.

We can all benefit from thoughtful reform and renewal. Scripture is good, tradition is good, but one must add reason. The via media makes for a good three legged stool.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

DTO,

First of all . . .a serious disclaimer - I am not a Catholic Apologist (yeah, they actually have sanctioned apologists to explain teh faith and doctrine and call them that). So you have to take what I say as a student of doctrine with a grain of salt and double check me as I have double checked your incorrect assumptions. I have listened to apologists with fascination though. . .

You posted a lot, but I will try to condense for easier reading and get to the chase, rather than be argumentative.

*1) Does official Catholic doctrine still prohibit birth control (I do not consider NFP to be "birth control" in that it does not allow one to remain consistently sexual while avoiding pregnancy)?*

Except for "natural planning", yes, Catholic doctrine believes it is a violation of natural law to engage in birth control, that forms of chemical alteration and physical mutilation/devices are not natural, therefore sinful(just giving their reasoning, please, once again, I am only trying to communicate, not necessarily defend or promote)

This of course is a seperate issue to what we were talking about - the view of sex as either procreational or recreational within marriage.

Also, beyond Catholicism, if you go to a family planning website, abstinence and natural family planning are listed as forms of birth control.

Just because you don't consider them serious ones, doesn't mean that other couples (practicing and non-practicing) don't.

*

2) Does official Catholic doctrine still consider sexual activity not ending in PIV ejaculation to be sinful? *

Catholic doctrine does consider the "spilling of seed" to be sinful or unnatural, again, another violation of natural law (you don't see other male mammals going around masturbating and spilling seed on their females).

The other stuff you posted was argumentative (even if a good argument here and there), but I think it's important to at least not promote myths that are out there.

Now let me challenge your postulate:

You pretty much postulate that because the Catholic Church doesn't permit birth control and doesn't permit extra-vaginal ejaculation as a matter of moral doctrine, that therefore, it devalues sex.

So, taking what you are saying a bit further to make a point. . . because it frowns upon/doesn't permit facials, it devalues sex?

Can you see how the Church/Pontiff may actually have a bonafide point that American society is a bit "oversexualized?"


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> That said, there are many good things associated with organized religion, but unfortunately, there are some old ways that need to be relegated to the dustbins of history.
> 
> We can all benefit from thoughtful reform and renewal. Scripture is good, tradition is good, but one must add reason. The via media makes for a good three legged stool.


Marriedinpei,

I don't disagree with you. . .I think part of the problem of the Catholic Church is the debating of "moral doctrine" is not done in the open and public enough so all of these myths just propagate. Moral doctrine is debated behind closed doors and then released to the flock, who must practice "obedience" rather than to question.

For instance, DTO took issue with the celibacy issue within the Church. Not the first to do so, and certainly won't be the last.

As far as I know, the Catholic Church's position on that is:

A. Sex is reserved for married couples who can raise children, the ultimate biological purpose of sex.

B. Priests are forbidden to marry because of their calling. Think about it this way. . .do you want to go hear a Priest preach from the pulpit on Sunday morning about marriage when you know he's married to a b***h that castrates him and clobbers him with a frying pan every night he comes home? A nag who complains every time he has to go out at night and give "last rites" and why aren't you spending enough time with Junior?

The nightmare a lot of us men (and women) live everyday?

No. . .it would be a disaster to let spouses meddle into the Priest's (or Priestess' - another issue) ministry.

So, I get it.. .why if you want to be a Priest, you have to give up women, wine and gambling. It's not to say you dno't have a libido . . .you just can't be married and have sex.

(as best you can. . .we are all sinners after all  )


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Windsurfer

Castrated! 

I am also in my mid 40's. Guess what I did? I complained. My situation was not as bad as yours. 

You have every right to complain. Ask her what the problem is. Let her know that you love her but you have expectations.

Tell her life does not end at 45. You love her, your attracted to her and a healthy sex life is very important to stay connected.

Let her know you are so upset you started asking about castration. If this alone does not upset her, then you have bigger problems.

It is very hard to get the conversation started. Do not back down. Tell her if she loves you and if she is commited to the marriage she needs to listen.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Two things. Firstly there are some people jealous of the stability of a lot of Catholic marriages. The religion recognises the fact that people sin and it offers a way to forgive this guilt in the sacrament of Confession, so smart Catholics sin a lot! 

Secondly I envy my father - he had two wives, two affairs and 14 children! That's what I call a good sex life!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I think the confusion lies in Puritinism vs. Catholicism.

Remember, our country was formed by a bunch of religious radicals, with nothing more than their hands, a few tools, and a strong work ethic. A few centuries later, these relgious radicals culimated their rise by the formation of Fox News and a Fox News creation: the Tea Party 

*Ba dump dump!*

Seriously, if someone has a repressed sexuality, it may because of Puritanism seeping into their religious doctrine (and it has, IMO seeped into Catholic doctrine too over the years, even if unofficially).

The Puritans taught that sex was dirty, even within the confines of marriage and that it was to be surpressed, downplayed and only engaged in for procreational purposes, that we need to seperate ourselves from the animals we are.

If the OP's wife has this view of sex, that's it's kind of dirty and a "odd thing to do" (humping), then I imagine she harbors a Puritanical/Protestant view of sexuality.

As you note. . .look at "Good Catholics" and the size of their families. I always tease, SA, with 5 kids, would have made a good Catholic


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Ok, I think I might not have been exactly clear on what I'm saying, so I'm going to have another shot at this.

Disclaimer: I seriously think that having sex just to have sex (that is, recreationally) is one of the benefits of marriage. I don't see the Catholic church as "anti-sex", but rather as "anti-recreational sex" precisely because of the viewpoint that the ultimate purpose to have sex is to procreate.



Scannerguard said:


> Except for "natural planning", yes, Catholic doctrine believes it is a violation of natural law to engage in birth control, that forms of chemical alteration and physical mutilation/devices are not natural, therefore sinful...
> 
> This of course is a separate issue to what we were talking about - the view of sex as either procreational or recreational within marriage. *Actually, no it's not separate. My take is that rules reflect attitudes. Telling your followers "it's okay to have sex but when it is open to life. Preventing pregnancy and having sex just for fun is not okay." is essentially the same as "sex is really about procreation." So, the underlying attitude can be described as "pleasure is incidental to sex, not the point of sex" and I have a serious problem with that.*
> 
> ...


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> DTO,
> ....you don't see other male mammals going around masturbating and spilling seed on their females.


Having been raised on a working ranch, I would be inclined to argue with an apologist on that one.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

DTO,

If you could seperate your point/counterpoints a bit with some spacing, it would help me follow. Thanks in advance.

To offer a complement to your disclaimer, I consider myself an "Intelligent Designer", not to be confused with a creationist. I hardly think the Bible is the Word of God, but rather a collection of ancient tribal law, an attempt at our first scientists trying to explain our world and document it, and an account of a ministry of a remarkable healer and political revolutionary, Jesus Christ.

In that. . .I may have to disquallify myself as a Christian at all, even if raised one (an old saying - you are never an ex-Catholic, only a recovering one  )

So. . .I couldn't be further away from you in your "evangelical view" and I do think it's wise of the Church to not be fundamentalist in the interpretation of the bible, but rather to basically sit around and decide what constitutes good Christian moral doctrine.

In that, I do agree with their creation of "Catholic Catechism" (a moral code to follow) that perhaps stems from the Bible, but overrides the Bible.

I think it's terrible to rely on the Bible as a "moral code."

I also disagree with this:



> As I hinted above, I see any sex act between a husband and wife as a morally-neutral personal choice.


That's called "Moral Relavism". . .if you and yoru wife want a threesome between you, her and a goat, then it's somehow moral if it's consentual. Moral relavism sprouted and took root in the 60's and still persists today and I do think a lot of our world's problems stem from this philosophy.

I am not exactly comfortable with that philosophy of morality. 

Now, I admit. . .the Catholic Church takes the opposite viewpoint - Moral Absolutism. . .which can be criticized too but you have to credit them that it's not all about you or me that just because 2 people consent, does not make it necessarily right.

I don't really have an issue with any of your points regarding birth control. . . I would like to see the Catholic Church evolve to the point it views "not having kids" as an act of love and responsibility but for now, I can only explain what their position is in present day and time.

There are many ways I don't personally consider myself to be Catholic but over the years have been able to appreciate their moral reasoning.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> * Because I got a vasectomy after having all the kids I could handle with the resources at hand, I am deemed a mortal sinner.


Again, not an official apologist and this is where my knowledge of Catholic doctrine breaks down. My guess is it would be "mortal sin" but I am not sure what remedies you have as a sinner.

Hey, no judgment, I'm divorced. I'm going to hell . I don't take communion when I do go to church and I am frankly unsure of my role as a parishioner, if I ever decided the need to engage in worship.

( I am joking. . .again, I am unsure how Catholic doctrine would examine the way I have lived my life. . .probably fallen from grace)



> * Doctrine says that I was that sure additional kids are not beneficial to my situation, I should give up sex.


Mmm. . .I think the philosophy of the doctrine would be that you should open your heart to the possibility of more kids.



> * A person who is not feeling well enough for intercourse but is considerate enough to want to please his or her spouse would be sinning by doing so.


I don't think this is true. You can just "go along" with sex if you and your spouse agree. I am not sure where you got this myth.

No offense, DTO. . .I think you have to separate out what you assume to be true and what you don't know.

I try to be honest when I don't know something. . .knowing what you don't know is a good thing.

Unfortunately, you can't trust Protestant Preachers on the subject (as they have an agenda). . .you need to directly ask a sanctioned apologist or Priest.; I used to frequent catholic dot com, when I was trying to decide if I was going to raise my kids of a faith or not. . .haven't been there in quite some time. They have apologists there to clear up misconceptions and confusion.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Not sure if this was said yet....

But if a woman came on the forum and said:

"I love my husband but we don't have the intimate conversation I long for. I've come to accept that it won't really change going forward. I don't want to leave but I just can't live with the desire anymore. I'm thinking about cutting off my ears so I won't have to worry about it anymore and we can just be happy. It's really hard to talk to him about this so I just want to get it over with."

Talking/affection for women = sex for guys

It's not healthy to be in a marriage where only one person's needs get met. It's important to you so she needs to make it important to her. If she doesn't like it, she needs to find out why and work towards fixing it (either by changing your relationship or getting medical help). The solution to meeting your needs isn't to eliminate your needs.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

COguy said:


> Not sure if this was said yet....
> 
> But if a woman came on the forum and said:
> 
> ...


And any women who married a man knowing he had no intention of talking/listening to her and then complains is the exact same as a male who had little sex prior to marriage and then expects the floodgates to open (of course not talking about those who abstain prior to marriage, which I think is a great mistake).

Can you imagine any man saying "I used to talk to my wife and share everything and all emotions prior to marriage, and then slowly cut her off and told her that all this talk and sharing emotions are not important now that we're married." 

Any woman heard that one???????


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I was unclear earlier, so I'll revise



Scannerguard said:


> That's called "Moral Relavism". . .if you and your wife want a threesome between you, her and a goat, then it's somehow moral if it's consentual. Moral relavism sprouted and took root in the 60's and still persists today and I do think a lot of our world's problems stem from this philosophy.


When I said "between a husband and wife", I meant strictly between them and done in private. Scripture specifically notes bestiality as forbidden. I add that activities likely to lead to serious harm should be excluded also.

So if I have sex with my wife and have somebody watch, or share a recording of the act, then it's wrong because I've violated the essential privacy of the act. But, if I get a BJ, use a toy, engage in role-playing, or engage in light bondage that is acceptable (AFAIK).

Also, I don't see my view as moral relativism; I see a set of values that have endured over time. Whereas, if people (Catholic leadership) put their spin on it and espouse different views over time (which often reflect current sensibilities) - that is moral relativism.



Scannerguard said:


> Mmm. . .I think the philosophy of the doctrine would be that you should open your heart to the possibility of more kids.


That is true. But, at the end of the day, the end result is still "more kids or less screwing".



Scannerguard said:


> I don't think this is true. You can just "go along" with sex if you and your spouse agree. I am not sure where you got this myth.


Again, I was unclear. What I meant was that I either one of us was truly not up to intercourse (surgery, injury, illness) but wanted to have some sort of physical intimacy we would be prohibited from doing so. Seems "anti-unitive" to me.

Hope that helps.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Can you imagine any man saying "I used to talk to my wife and share everything and all emotions prior to marriage, and then slowly cut her off and told her that all this talk and sharing emotions are not important now that we're married."
> 
> Any woman heard that one???????


Well not to be a douche but yes, some guys do do that. There's plenty of women who married a guy who used to spend long hours talking to them and being affectionate, and then once married they slowly stop. When the wives try to start a conversation they'll say things like, "I'm tired from work" "I just need to relax right now" "talk to your girlfriends" "you're too emotional" "I just need some free time", etc etc.

One is not more wrong then the other. Refusing to meet the needs of your spouse is wrong no matter if that need is communication, affection, helping around the house, or sex. Both sexes are guilty of the same thing probably in equal terms.

The solution the OP is proposing is just as ridiculous as removing your ears so you don't have to communicate, chopping off your hands so you don't have to hold them in public, breaking your back so you don't have to help around the house. Chopping off your sack is just as ridiculous. It's like cutting off your nose when you have the flu, it solves a symptom but not the problem.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Again, I was unclear. What I meant was that I either one of us was truly not up to intercourse (surgery, injury, illness) but wanted to have some sort of physical intimacy we would be prohibited from doing so. Seems "anti-unitive" to me.
> 
> Hope that helps.


DTO,

Ohhhhhh.. . I had to read this like 5x before I got it. . .you mean, if you had an illness and couldn't engage in intercourse. . .could you get a blowjob as alternative?

The answer is "no", not according to Catholic doctrine as it is a sin to spill the seed (which probably has tribal law basis in history).

Now. . .they would say you could engage in any other forms of intimacy though - cuddling, kissing, caressing. . .and would encourage it, but no. . . "oral sex" does not equal "sex" in Catholic doctrine. 

Interestingly enough, there is no prohibition against bringing the woman to orgasm through oral stimulation as it is considered preparing her body for the "seed." 

I will have to say. . .experiencing different forms of sex. . .the spiritual side. . .there is nothing like cumming inside a woman from a spiritual standpoint and I am not sure that I feel all that "unitive" after a BJ. Whether most men agree with you or me, I am not sure. 

Don't get me wrong - I have had some very intense, body wracking, delicious orgasms with oral . . .that being said, from a spiritual standpoint, there is nothing like an intercourse orgasm.

I would feel more "unitive" with a vanilla, rather blahzay intercourse O vs. a body wracking, earth shattering oral O.

Just me.

Now interestingly enough, I imagine it's different for women. . .they feel the intimacy and unity of oral performed upon them, followed up by a male release into them. It's a theory of mine of this is why many women can only O with oral. . .the sexual experience was designed to go this way - 58.5 minute of oral on the woman, 1.5 of intercourse with the man  ha ha.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

BTW, DTO,

NOt trying to proseltyze. . .just trying to educate and share my understanding.

I like the Archie Bunker line:

IRENE (Edith's Catholic Friend to Archie): Are you trying to accuse me of proselytizing? 
ARCHIE: What? 
ARCHIE: No! 
MIKE: Arch, irene means that she's not trying to convert ma.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SG,
So let me give you my view of this since I married a catholic. Before we got engaged I told her the following and have stuck with it hard and fast ever since:
1. I would support (with very specific exceptions) her religion. Part of that is going to church with her close to every week.
2. She could raise the kids catholic and I would support that with one exception.
3. The church could never/would never come into our bedroom. 
a. That meant we would practice barrier contraception
b. I would get a vasectomy when we completed our family. She didn't need to "support" that, just needed to know I was going to do it and if that wasn't acceptable we shouldn't marry.
c. The kids would hear first hand from me that artificial bc was perfectly ok

From a practical standpoint intercourse is painful to her. She is willing to do it for me - but I sure as heck am not willing to take her up on that - ever. Since the pain seems chronic - I am guessing that PIV is now history for us. 

Had I not set our original ground rules we would now have to be CELIBATE for all practical purposes. We are both healthy and not yet 50. That is so far from acceptable that I find it astonishing in the modern world anyone would contemplate suggesting it. Luckily she appears to have no desire to live together "as brother and sister".....





Scannerguard said:


> DTO,
> 
> Ohhhhhh.. . I had to read this like 5x before I got it. . .you mean, if you had an illness and couldn't engage in intercourse. . .could you get a blowjob as alternative?
> 
> ...


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

MEM,

I am honestly not sure how the Catholic Church would counsel her or counsel you both if you both wanted to adhere to the faith.

I'd hate to even venture a guess because you may think what I say is somehow researched and sanctioned.

I have a guess, but honestly, it's nothing more than a guess.


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## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

The church has done more to destroy healthy sex lives between couples than every other sexual trauma added together, the fact is they are wrong on everything about sex, no where in the bible is sex ever mentioned as dirty or a sin, within the bounds of a committed relationship, the seed spilling is not even in the scriptures apart from in the old testament when judahs son would not get his brothers widow pregnant, and therefore was unwilling to keep his brothers line going so he was killed for it, it had nothing to do with blowjobs or hand jobs or any other bedroom activity, get the church out of your lives or find a new wife free from catholic slave doctrine.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:
Very true.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Oh I sure agree with that one. Regardless of the religion, they're sects of some sort. 

Keep the sects out of sex.


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## Ride265 (Oct 7, 2014)

As a 43 year old male, genetically there must be an anomaly as I enjoy sex as much as when I was 20 years old. Moreso, my stamina is excellent, I can go nearly indefinitely, if I do get off I easily bounce back, and long story short, I have a strong sex drive. After marriage, kids, life, etc., sex with my wife is not only boring if way too infrequent. In seminary college I learned that withholding sex is homogeneous with cheating, and for it to be considered "withholding" the term equals how long can a person "fast". Technically a person can live for 60-90 days without food, unlike water. I SERIOUSLY consider castration for the following:
1.) Wife is on a cycle with various drive, so I wait and wait and wait till it's a good "time", her hormonal peak, otherwise
2.) Sex is too vanilla, as she's just doing me a "favor"... a "chore" for her and a bore to/for me.

On the one hand, I could have an affair, afford a mistress, replace her with a 25 year old Ukrainian trophy girl, or settle to be with a woman that is a good mother, most of the time, and be around my son that means the world to me. To just "settle", sincerely I believe it'd be easier if the nuts were gone and my desire for sex no longer existed and to put that effort / energy into making more money and spending more time with my son before he leaves the nest.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Thoughts?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Castration really is a bit drastic I think....but it is very sad that you are contemplating it (are you really?).

I accept that we men can sometimes be ba$tards but on the whole we are very loving animals - we're like dogs; if you look after us, tickle our tummies (ie have sex with us) we will do anything for you. We will bring you hot water bottles when on your period, massage your back, take you out for romantic dinners etc.

If you do not have regular sex - make love - with us regularly we take it as a personal rejection. Sex is how we show you we love you, its how we bond..its what we need.

Deny us it and we clam up, become resentful and bitter towards you. I just wish woman would understand how important it is to us.

I know its a minority...but to those of us who are married to the 'minority' life can seem very bleak at times.

To the wives of the men who are considering castration over having an affair etc I say SHAME ON YOU.

To the men considering castration over an affair I say 'Is she worth losing your balls over? Go have an affair if you can't leave'.

NO woman is worth losing your balls over.


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

Ride265, my thought is you should start your own thread and tell us your story. You may find some here (like me) have fully recovered from a sexless marriage and we may be able to offer help.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

:iagree::iagree:

Just realised this is a very old thread!
However my above post still stands!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

What is 'bigbadwolf'? I think I'll look it up.

Wonder what ever happened to this guy. was 2 years ago.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I'm living in a sexless marriage in my fifties (although we've been together less than three years, the minute we got married my husband stopped having sex with me unless I absolutely insist). This has led to a virtually sexless marriage (about 10 times a year). It's been driving me insane on a daily basis and I'm getting to the point where it eats away at me all day every day. I did think of going to the doctor and requesting a hysterectomy or pills to suppress my sex drive - this is what I start thinking about when I reach a really low point and look at a barren and bleak future. However, in between those times, I manage to bounce back to my old self a little and thin Hell, no! Why should I go without sex for the rest of my life, why should I become old before my time just because that's how my husband feels. I've now decided that the best course for the future is to carry on taking care of myself, carry on looking good and look at having sex with some nice young men in their twenties. Not sure how I'm going to achieve that, but I'm putting my sexless marriage behind me - if he won't give it to me, I will find a man who will.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Windsurfer said:


> I will have been married to my beautiful wife for 20 years this year. We have 3 wonderful kids. The problem (for me) is that we have sex maybe 4-5 times per year.
> 
> I feel like I can't talk about it with her. When I sit down on the couch and just put my hand on her leg, a lot of times she blurts out 'I'm on my period, just to let you know' or 'I'm really tired - it's been a long day, so don't get any thoughts, sorry' or 'I feel so bloated' or something like that. I believe she is trying to nip it in the bud, and save me from getting really frustrated thinking I have a chance later on. We still cuddle, but she lays down the law most nights very quickly.
> 
> ...


You can chemically "castrate" yourself in a manner that's reversible if things change. A low dose of an SSRI Antidepressant like Paxil will kill your sex drive and your ability to orgasm/ejaculate. If you aren't depressed it won't have any other effect on you except the sexual side effects. If things change just stop taking the drug and your sexual functioning will return within a couple of weeks. Simple and much less drastic than physical castration.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Mr B said:


> You can chemically "castrate" yourself in a manner that's reversible if things change. A low dose of an SSRI Antidepressant like Paxil will kill your sex drive and your ability to orgasm/ejaculate. If you aren't depressed it won't have any other effect on you except the sexual side effects. If things change just stop taking the drug and your sexual functioning will return within a couple of weeks. Simple and much less drastic than physical castration.


Mr. B 

were you actually on this therapy or are you speaking second hand? did it work for you?

If so, there a number of poor dudes (and dudesess?) with stubborn spouses on here that might try this.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

personally, I was on prozac for a couple years back in 2003-2004 and it didn't suppress my sex drive at all, but did suppress ejaculation.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

jorgegene said:


> Mr. B
> 
> were you actually on this therapy or are you speaking second hand? did it work for you?
> 
> If so, there a number of poor dudes (and dudesess?) with stubborn spouses on here that might try this.


Different dosages effect different people differently. I said "low dose" as a start but if it doesn't work just slowly increase the dose until it does. Believe me Doctors give this stuff out like candy. Just tell him or her you're depressed and out will come the 'scrip pad. Doctors hate depressed patients because it's a hard thing to "cure" and takes up a lot of the Doc's "valuable" time. A few pills and they hope the patient will be out of their hair. This is even true with Psychiatrists. Because so few people go into that part of medicine any more even the specialists now use antidepressants instead of any kind of time consuming talk therapy unless you are really rich and can afford 4 or 500 bucks a week.

Paxil and Prozac are the two best in killing sex drive. It's funny because usually depressed people hate these drugs because of the sexual side effects so it's strange to hear about someone who actually wants those side effects. if I was in your situation I'd go find a buddy with benefits or masturbate to porn but that's just me. I haven't had regular sex with anyone for more than 20 years so I can sympathize.


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## nella_bmar (Oct 7, 2017)

Lots of opinions and answers saying of course not, you shouldn't because it's not going to fix anything. Well, you seem to me think that it will fix one big thing, your happyness.. 

Marriage to someone who doesn't want sex is not the problem, you want to be with her, just not sexually. without a libido, you wont be nagging her, and you will not feel the needs as sharply. I am wondering, have you thought of castration before the marriage? 

Castration it'self as a new kind of commitment, expensive with having to take medication every day.

other options are:
chemical castration - expensive commitment too,
salt-peter: no morning wood, limp but still in thoughts.. not near as expensive
chastity belt: still have libido, but she'll know you want her to choose when your ready.
penectomy: initially expensive, still libido but not able to have "regular" sex. 

I've chosen chastity belt. she knows I want sex, I know she doesn't. if I'm wrong and she does, well, she knows what I need. her permission. I only wear it occasionally. I dont need it when I'm working or when we are about town. but when I'm in my "porn mind" it's good to put it on. even if she's not there. it helps me to know I can't fool around without going through the work of taking it off. I still get erections, but i can't coddle myself. or fap.

I'm partial to the cb-6000s (s is for small) which I fit in snuggly when soft. it imprints on the flesh when I'm excited, but that doesn't happen often while wearing it.

I've gone from what some might term a chronic masturbator to a man able to focus on his tasks. 

other pluses, if she asks you to wear it and you consent, you are communicating!
if you wear it when alone with possible cheat scenario, its a big blocker.
wearing it isn't usually uncomfortable, and keeps you aware and unaltered.
humiliation with it causes some behavior modifications (sitting to go to the bathroom),
waiting till your more private to ask about certain .. sexual things..
public showers, pools, sauna's.. wearing clothes that might show it..
again, I've not worn it out in public much for these reasons.. and that 
we don't expect to sneak off and snog in public anyway.

I've been contemplating castration from a young man, I thought my frustration would never end. but I couldn't do it, permanent damage and the unknown kept me from cutting it off, chastity belt has made my life easier.

I must say when my one friend found out, well, he' not a friend anymore.. so, theres that too..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hahaha!

Maybe these folks should have castrated themselves before reproducing.

Pathetic examples of humanity. Where has strength disappeared to?


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Windsurfer said:


> I will have been married to my beautiful wife for 20 years this year. We have 3 wonderful kids. The problem (for me) is that we have sex maybe 4-5 times per year.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Castration is an insane idea. You need to seek professional help. Seriously! Do like the US Navy did to their troops
Salt peter do a little research, go talk to a Dr about chemically reducing your testosterone levels. But bear in mind at some point she will meet a man who turns her on and leave you.......that is a fact! So don't commit sexual suicide for this woman you are currently connected to


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Voluntary removing your nuts is... well... nuts!
Wouldn't keeping your nuts and finding a better woman be a far better option?


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## sissyphus (Feb 1, 2012)

Windsurfer said:


> I will have been married to my beautiful wife for 20 years this year. We have 3 wonderful kids. The problem (for me) is that we have sex maybe 4-5 times per year.
> 
> I feel like I can't talk about it with her. When I sit down on the couch and just put my hand on her leg, a lot of times she blurts out 'I'm on my period, just to let you know' or 'I'm really tired - it's been a long day, so don't get any thoughts, sorry' or 'I feel so bloated' or something like that. I believe she is trying to nip it in the bud, and save me from getting really frustrated thinking I have a chance later on. We still cuddle, but she lays down the law most nights very quickly.
> 
> ...


 Castrated? That seems to be on the extreme side, unless your into self mutilation. I know that a lot of people are into masturbation. you can use that to get off. you say that you love her, but what's her take on you? does she still love you? I recently saw something on Youtube where they have these "Love dolls" which are getting very life like. maybe you can get one, and see what your wife's reaction to that would be. If you don't want to use either option, you might want to speak to your doctor to see if they have any medication that would suppress your libido. but be careful. some of those meds. might have undesirable side affects. good luck


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You guys - the OP posted this back in 2012 and I doubt he's coming back.

I'm not sure where he got the idea for castration because from the sounds of it, his wife already TOOK his gonads *years* ago and they're likely hanging from her rear-view mirror.


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## sissyphus (Feb 1, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You guys - the OP posted this back in 2012 and I doubt he's coming back.
> 
> I'm not sure where he got the idea for castration because from the sounds of it, his wife already TOOK his gonads *years* ago and they're likely hanging from her rear-view mirror.


Now you tell me. I had check the recent posts category, and it came up. that's why I posted. oh well, like they say " better late than never"


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Windsurfer said:


> So I am wondering about getting castrated... Any thoughts?


Yeah, my thought is you're out of your ****ing mind.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

827Aug said:


> That sounds drastic--and permanent. At least try counseling first.


or find a woman who actually WANTS to have sex with you....


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Windsurfer said:


> I will have been married to my beautiful wife for 20 years this year. We have 3 wonderful kids. The problem (for me) is that we have sex maybe 4-5 times per year.
> 
> I feel like I can't talk about it with her. When I sit down on the couch and just put my hand on her leg, a lot of times she blurts out 'I'm on my period, just to let you know' or 'I'm really tired - it's been a long day, so don't get any thoughts, sorry' or 'I feel so bloated' or something like that. I believe she is trying to nip it in the bud, and save me from getting really frustrated thinking I have a chance later on. We still cuddle, but she lays down the law most nights very quickly.
> 
> ...




First of all, I feel for yah.


She sounds like my wife, similar, LD.


Her faith has to do with her soul and not your sex life. At least, that's the way it should be. She might be using that to cover her just being LD and not into sex much.


Also, having three kids will change her hormones, have unwanted weight gain and she might be scared getting pregnant again and not feel sexy either.


Getting castrated for a supposed loving wife who is probably LD and not budging for you? Are you serious? Talk about bending over and taking it up the butt.


You don't get castrated for any woman!!!!


Did she get her tubes tied??? Of course not. Why should you get castrated?


A loving wife is supposed to take care of her man's needs as her own and not what she only wants.......this is only what she wants.


Many women today are just as horny as men and adventurous.


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## nella_bmar (Oct 7, 2017)

Update on my sexless marriage: I'm single, been 2 months now, should have been 3 yrs ago, but I was guilty about her depression (we had a stillborn). been using chastity past 3 yrs, from cb6000s to holy trainer (I call perfectly numb) to panty girdle - haven't had an erection yet in that.

I'm taking a year off relationships, but keeping the chastity. Though the last month was onanism month..

Last year, I did the Locktober with only 8 "failures", hope to improve that.. 

May have gone a lil overboard since the break up, my bathroom is totally pink, and my re-decorating.. well.. we still lived in boxes from moving 3 yrs ago, and I finally put up a photo collage.. added a plant.. still lots more to do tho.

Bought a 4-foot unicorn, my new bed buddy..

ok, castration still not the answer for me, but I'd be quite happy with a permanent vasectomy.. though if I really could get what I want, I'd donate one testicle to a FtM if it's hormone production could help (I'm b+), and have the other surgically netted inside my body, keeping the hormones (it need cool for sperm only I read..). 

Without any dangling testies, chastity lock cages usually wont work (NOT ready for a frenum ring), but found the panty girdle great with no real erections able to be produced.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Wow, dude!


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## sissyphus (Feb 1, 2012)

I just received an alert about this post, and I'm now finding out that this post was from 2012 and the op now is separated and has a pink bathroom and a unicorn for a bedmate? talk about some weird sh*t!!!


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

D is the answer, and the sooner the better!


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## newmarriageguy (Dec 16, 2016)

Don’t do it, I’m not sure if she’ll castrate herself for you


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

sissyphus said:


> I just received an alert about this post, and I'm now finding out that this post was from 2012 and the op now is separated and has a pink bathroom and a unicorn for a bedmate? talk about some weird sh*t!!!


Yes, but he hasn't been castrated (yet), which I guess is a positive development... :laugh:


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

there are men with castration fantasies. They often involve their wife, possibly with the help of her GFs or a nurse, doing the castration. 

And of course, transgenders post op have been castrated too. 

Not sure the purpose of getting castrated but not getting the full Transgender operation. You would end up somewhere in between sexes...and never really be able to have sex again.

I mean, at least dress up in a pink tu tu and start servicing other guys, or something!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

How ****ed up is this thread? Get help man!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

tacoma said:


> You`re 40 and you want to castrate yourself to please your wife.
> 
> Dude you need to seriously man-up and start respecting yourself.


Seriously!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zombie thread from 2012.

But I do wonder if the guy ever did get castrated or found any solution at all.


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