# Feeling inadequate/unworthy



## Un_Amor_Perdido (Mar 15, 2014)

I used to post pretty regularly but I stopped posting about a year ago.I started posting because of problems I created this site was very helpful in fixing them. So I'm back with not so much of problem this time. 

Recently I've been feeling inadequate for lack of a better word. I don't feel like I contribute enough if anything to my marriage and I don't really bring anything to the relationship. When I compare myself to him, my husband and all that he does for us (me and the kids) it makes what my feeling even that more apparent. Without him who know where we would be. It's staring make me question why is he even with me. I haven't told him and i don't really want to he’s already under a lot of pressure. I don't want to add to that. I haven't really talked to anyone about this either and i don't really want tell anyone i normal would talk to. That's kinda why i decided to post again.

Side note my husband hasn't done anything to make feel this way. He’s been really good to me even after everything I've done to him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Good to hear from you.

Sorry you're feeling the way you are.

Do you think it has anything to do with the affair?

Did you ever feel this way before?

Maybe you are just seeing how good your husband is in light of the trouble he endured?

It is ok to communicate with your husband.

Remember how you were scared to share with him what you had done?

It will be ok.

Just let him know how amazing he is and you don't feel you deserve him but are really glad he is yours.

You have pain to work through as well.

WS's that are remorseful have caused themselves much harm.

Is there any area in your relationship where something is needed from you and you don't provide?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Un_Amor_Perdido (Mar 15, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Good to hear from you.
> 
> Sorry you're feeling the way you are.
> 
> ...


I thought about. It could be playing some part in it but a huge part. I think for the most part the affair is kinda behind us. Sometimes it might come up but for the most part i think it bothers me more than him at this point. 

Sort of, I’ve felt like before but not quite like this. Lately I have been like I am more of a drain on him. I have been a SAHM for almost our entire relationship, I would go school too and still am. So for most of the marriage it's been him who as been responsible for providing for us and lately with my new tuition he’s really been under a lot of pressure. 

I know talking to him is the best way to go. I just don't want him worrying about something else. 

Honestly besides taking care of the home and kids. I don't provide it used to be enough but lately I don't feel like I'm doing a good job of that either. And I wish I could help him in so way and I have i tried getting a part time job over the summer but it didn't really help much


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

I haven't read (or don't remember) your previous posts, but I can glean a little from context... and I thought I'd chime in with a more positive comment for you, since it's the first thing I thought of:

I think everyone feels inadequate sometimes, and in healthy relationships in particular, it's easy to feel so grateful for your spouse that it's hard to look at it the other way and see why they're grateful for you. Your self-confidence is something you should nurture, and I know there are things that are great about you, and that there are positive things you bring to your relationship no matter what happened in the past. Try to identify those things, no matter how small, and love yourself for them. 

My husband is so good for me that it's frequently difficult for me to see what I do for him in our relationship. He's the steady one who keeps things running smoothly, and brings me back down to earth when I get carried away with some project or get my knickers in a knot over some injustice. And sometimes I have to think hard to remember that I take care of him too; that I'm the one who convinced him to get laser eye surgery (which he now says is the best thing he ever did for himself), and that I've suggested all the innovative approaches we've taken towards getting chores done around the house, and so many other things that have begun as some big project I took on. He may be my rock, but he really appreciates and values the progressive approach I take to everything in life. 

But in case you really can't think of anything: Thank your family regularly for the little things they do that make your life better. If your husband gives you a hug or grabs an extra coffee for you on the way home, or says he loves you, tell him how it makes you feel and thank him. Then at least you can share your appreciation for all he does for you, and feeling appreciated can in turn make him feel valued and happy.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
do you think he feels you are inadequate, or is that your internal feeling?


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