# Ex-Wife invited MY family over her house. Not cool



## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

So, my ex-wife decided to invite my family over her house for a get-together. 

A little backstory:

I left my wife over 2 years ago, have a life in girlfriend for nearly 2 years. Ex and I aren't on good terms. She was never close with my family

So, she asked me last week if I could send our son home early on Sunday as she had plans. I agreed as I want to be accommodating etc. After I agree she responds that MY family is coming over to hang out. Wait what???? Why on earth is she inviting my family over? She ended up having my brothers ex wife and my 2 nieces over along with my cousin and her 2 boys over. This really makes me mad because my wife was never really close with them. My brothers ex and her got close after we both left as they obviously had something in common and my cousin for whatever reason took their sides.

I reached out to my cousin and said I was upset about this esp. since she hasn't come over to my house to see me or my son in the past 2 years. My father passed away last year and she went to the Wake but not the funeral. Not cool either. I didn't bring that up but it obviously upset me. She replied saying I basically have no right to be upset with her going over there because they are "friends" and I need to get over it. I explained that I feel betrayed as she always took my exes side to everything and never stood by me. 

Everyone I've spoken about this has agreed that I have every right to be upset and that she should not have gone over there but wanted to see what people here thought.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I think you're ex wife is an adult, as are your brothers ex and your cousin. They are entitled to spend time with whomever they want. Let it go. You have a girlfriend and a new life. Why do you care what your ex or your cousin is doing with their free time?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

My mother stayed very close with much of my father's family after their divorce. My aunt (married to my father's brother) remained one of my mother's dearest friends until the day she died. This did not upset either my father or my uncle at all. But, my parent's divorce was very amicable. 

You say you and your girlfriend have been together for 2 years. Were you together before you and your wife split up? If so, your SIL and cousin are taking her side because you mistreated her and they are siding with her. If that's not the case then they must just like her and she invited them so they saw no reason to say no. Were you close to your cousin before this? I have some cousins I can barely recognize and others I'd be devastated if they chose me over my ex. She might also feel that by being nice to your ex she's being nice to your child and that neither of you has done something so wrong she needs to cut either of you out of her life.

If you weren't close to your cousin before this, don't expect to change her mind. If you were, she might get it eventually but if she blew off your Dad's funeral she's probably not worth getting upset about.

Condolences on the loss of your father. *hugs*


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I think your ex SIL's and cousin have every right to go see your ex. 
YOU also have every right to not interact with them any more for any reason.

THEY control their actions, YOU control your reactions.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

You have a right to be upset, but they have 
a right to go where they want. I would not 
let them know this upset you however. 
They may feel they have to chose sides.

You have a girlfriend and your son. Live your
life with them. If you decide not to see them
anymore then that is understandable. If you do
I would watch what I say and do. It may get back
to the ex.

Sorry to hear about your dad. Hurt like hell
when mine passed.Been many years still miss
him.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Talk2Me said:


> I explained that I feel betrayed as she always took my exes side to everything and never stood by me.


You need to learn who your friends are and who they aren't. The fact that you now expected any kind of loyalty from someone who never gave you any before leads me to believe that you think "blood" actually means something. It does not. You can see how the above quoted statement betrays some level of delusion on your part, can't you?

You can tell who someone is by their behavior, not by their birth certificate. Identify your real friends and cut the rest out. Don't worry about keeping score. One true friend is worth more than you can count.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Let me put your mind to rest - yes, your ex and your brother's ex are comparing your relative shortcomings. And, your cousin is giggling nonstop.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't think you have any basis to be upset. You splitting up with your ex doesn't make her an 'untouchable'. Your issues with your ex are your own, don't push them onto other people.

As for them being 'your family'. If you don't consider your ex wife as your family, then I don't believe you really consider your brother's ex wife to be your family either.

You obviously don't have a close relationship with your cousin, and it seems that has little to do with your ex wife either.

Right now your wife is facilitating a relationship between your child and his cousins and second cousins. Maybe start thinking less about your personal grievances with your ex, and trying to get backup from other people to continue this vendetta against the mother of your child, and start caring more about your child and how you can be a better example for him.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Talk2Me said:


> So, my ex-wife decided to invite my family over her house for a get-together.
> 
> A little backstory:
> 
> ...


Be upset. How does that help you?


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> Let me put your mind to rest - yes, your ex and your brother's ex are comparing your relative shortcomings. And, your cousin is giggling nonstop.


Exactly what is going on and you are helping them.
Don't give them anything else to talk about.
Rise above them and be 100% better than they are.

Remember this :
Sometimes a thick skin is needed when dealing with 
people who have thick heads.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

sa58 said:


> Exactly what is going on and you are helping them.
> Don't give them anything else to talk about.
> Rise above them and be 100% better than they are.
> 
> ...


Those sort of assumptions are unhelpful imo. No one here has a clue what they discussed. The subject of the exes might never have even come up. I regularly meet with my wasband's sister and the subject of him rarely comes up, and if it does, it's something relating to the kids and what's happening in their lives.

I find it better to think about life in this way: It's Not All About You


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

My ex wife will talk crap about me to anyone who will listen to her. She's a chronic complainer and loves drama. I also found out that this same cousin will NOT be going to my brothers wedding this summer in support of his ex wife. It's def. time to just dump my cousin at this point. We will not be inviting her to our wedding if we get married. I won't give her the satisfaction of saying no.

Someone said my ex did this for the kids. That's such a lame excuse. She did it to piss me off. She's insanely bitter and hates the fact that I'm happy. Oh well.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

TBH, you sound like the bitter, unhappy one in this scenario. Calling your cousin to complain that she went to visit your ex. Complaining to everyone you know that they spent time together, how dare they, etc. Assuming that all her actions are about you.

It's difficult to take a step back and reflect on your own actions, but everything you just described about her, actually seems to be describing you.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

AliceA said:


> TBH, you sound like the bitter, unhappy one in this scenario. Calling your cousin to complain that she went to visit your ex. Complaining to everyone you know that they spent time together, how dare they, etc. Assuming that all her actions are about you.
> 
> It's difficult to take a step back and reflect on your own actions, but everything you just described about her, actually seems to be describing you.


Where's the extra like button?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Talk2Me said:


> My ex wife will talk crap about me to anyone who will listen to her. She's a chronic complainer and loves drama. I also found out that this same cousin will NOT be going to my brothers wedding this summer in support of his ex wife. It's def. time to just dump my cousin at this point. We will not be inviting her to our wedding if we get married. I won't give her the satisfaction of saying no.
> 
> *Someone said my ex did this for the kids. That's such a lame excuse. She did it to piss me off. She's insanely bitter and hates the fact that I'm happy. Oh well.*


You would go a long way to improving your state of mind if you don't make everything about yourself. By attaching motive to her actions, you are letting the idea of her control your mind & emotions. You might suspect that's why she did it, but you actually have no idea.

We humans have an ability that other animals do not have, we can decide how to react to something. I suggest that you step back and look at this and consider that what she does in her own life has little to no impact on you. So you spending energy on it makes no sense. 

Let it go. Choose to not let her sit on your shoulder and drive you nuts.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

When I saw the title of your thread, I thought you meant parents and/or siblings. An ex-SIL and a cousin who's not even close to you? Don't give it another thought.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

If you were close to your cousin I could understand why you're upset.

If it were your parents or sibling, even worse.

But you're not close to the cousin, and an ex SIL, who cares. 

Don't lose any more sleep over it.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

You sure worry a lot more about how other people conduct their lives than I do.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Seriously? About 7-8 years ago, my sister and I cut two cousins out of my life. The only time I talk about them is when my mother addresses something about them. That's it. Who cares what they say or do? I don't.

You are an adult and venting is fine, my sister and I do it once in a long while, but you sound like this consumes you. She is your ex, do the same with your cousin.

Also, I am glad I have different friends. They wouldn't let this crap fly at all. You can be upset, but you have no right to complain to your cousin or tell either of them who they can and cannot see. Her child IS apart of your family so, the people you talked to are wrong. She should have her children around YOUR family and make an effort to be gracious with them. You just complained they weren't close and now you are complaining because she appears to be making an effort to change. 

In your rage, did you ever think she is doing this because she is attempting to fix something you do not like about her?

As to the funeral, you have no idea why she didn't go. I have gone to wakes and skipped funerals for a few reasons. Some of which involve not disrupting people's grief because we had issues. I went to my aunt's funeral, the mother of the cousins I disowned, it actually made things worse for a short time.

What your ex did not have been cool, but it sure could have been prudent.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

With my Ex-SIL I could honestly care less if she goes to my ex wife's house. They have something in common and I know they love talking crap about my brother and I. I don't really care. Growing up my cousin and I were VERY VERY close. My mothers sister, her mom obviously, was around ALL the time. Every single holiday, several times per week, sleep overs etc etc etc. When my mother died 33 years ago that obviously changed. This cousin and I didn't see each other often but she was my closest cousin by far. As years go by and people change we drifted apart. We talk thru posts on FB often and comment on pictures etc and talk about old times but don't see each other much at all. Before I got divorced we would all get together several times a year and it was always a good time. When I left my ex she sent me a message and it was quite rude. Basically calling me out for leaving my ex which I never responded to.

It is what it is. I'm done worrying about it and I'm just going to move on.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Talk2Me said:


> With my Ex-SIL I could honestly care less if she goes to my ex wife's house. They have something in common and I know they love talking crap about my brother and I. I don't really care. Growing up my cousin and I were VERY VERY close. My mothers sister, her mom obviously, was around ALL the time. Every single holiday, several times per week, sleep overs etc etc etc. When my mother died 33 years ago that obviously changed. This cousin and I didn't see each other often but she was my closest cousin by far. As years go by and people change we drifted apart. We talk thru posts on FB often and comment on pictures etc and talk about old times but don't see each other much at all. Before I got divorced we would all get together several times a year and it was always a good time. When I left my ex she sent me a message and it was quite rude. Basically calling me out for leaving my ex which I never responded to.
> 
> It is what it is. I'm done worrying about it and I'm just going to move on.


Exactly what you need to do. Move on with your life, son and new girlfriend.
I would not respond to any of this either. Why ? They are going to do what 
they want to do anyways. You can't control that, but you can control your
life moving forward. Live a great life and be happy and don't let anyone or 
anything that you don't have control over change that. Live your life for you
not them. 

Take care


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> My ex wife will talk crap about me to anyone who will listen to her. She's a chronic complainer and loves drama. I also found out that this same cousin will NOT be going to my brothers wedding this summer in support of his ex wife. It's def. time to just dump my cousin at this point. We will not be inviting her to our wedding if we get married. I won't give her the satisfaction of saying no.
> 
> Someone said my ex did this for the kids. That's such a lame excuse. She did it to piss me off. She's insanely bitter and hates the fact that I'm happy. Oh well.



Why did you leave your ex wife? How soon after you left did you meet the girlfriend? 

.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> My ex wife will talk crap about me to anyone who will listen to her. She's a chronic complainer and loves drama. I also found out that this same cousin will NOT be going to my brothers wedding this summer in support of his ex wife. It's def. time to just dump my cousin at this point. We will not be inviting her to our wedding if we get married. I won't give her the satisfaction of saying no.
> 
> Someone said my ex did this for the kids. That's such a lame excuse. She did it to piss me off. She's insanely bitter and hates the fact that I'm happy. Oh well.


Wow you so need to let the past go and forgive. You clearly have a lot of bitterness and anger that needs to be dealt with before you marry again.
I think its you with the issues not your ex wife. 

Oh and BTW I am still in regular contact with my former in laws and my former SIL and her family. Its been 19 years since my marriage ended. Its not an issue and my now husband is happy to see them as well and gets on well with them. Why should they miss out on seeing their family just because we got divorced?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Talk2Me said:
> 
> 
> > My ex wife will talk crap about me to anyone who will listen to her. She's a chronic complainer and loves drama. I also found out that this same cousin will NOT be going to my brothers wedding this summer in support of his ex wife. It's def. time to just dump my cousin at this point. We will not be inviting her to our wedding if we get married. I won't give her the satisfaction of saying no.
> ...


He's full of dysfunction. Angry about his ex, entitled, determined to make his child girlfriend make up for her past with kinky fetishes.

There's not much here that's healthy.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Why did you leave your ex wife? How soon after you left did you meet the girlfriend?
> 
> .


She was a miserable person and didn't want to leave the house at all. She became a home-body. We went 4 years without going on a date and sex became nonexistent. I couldn't deal with it any longer so I left.

I knew my current g/f while I was still married but started seeing her about a month later.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> He's full of dysfunction. Angry about his ex, entitled, determined to make his child girlfriend make up for her past with kinky fetishes.
> 
> There's not much here that's healthy.


Where do you come up with this crap? I could care less about my ex, my child g/f? Really dude? Full of dysfunction how? Get a life.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I am now curious. You were in a sexless marriage and are now dating a woman you met during this time period? Did the rude text have anything to do with divorce and your friend.......at the time?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> She was a miserable person and didn't want to leave the house at all. She became a home-body. We went 4 years without going on a date and sex became nonexistent. I couldn't deal with it any longer so I left.
> 
> I knew my current g/f while I was still married but started seeing her about a month later.


So basically you left your wife and family for another(much younger) woman. No wonder your wife is isn't happy. Nor would I be. Nor would I condone or support a family member of mine who abandoned his family and started dating another women. In fact I would cut them off.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> Where do you come up with this crap? I could care less about my ex, my child g/f? Really dude? Full of dysfunction how? Get a life.


Its clear to anyone here that you still have bitterness and resentment towards her. You jumped into a new relationship before you had even properly separated, before you were in any way over your ex and had given yourself any time or space to sort yourself out. You were still married when you shacked up with her. 
I am not surprised that some of your family support her, its you who left her for a much younger woman.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Talk2Me said:


> She was a miserable person and didn't want to leave the house at all. She became a home-body. We went 4 years without going on a date and sex became nonexistent. I couldn't deal with it any longer so I left.
> 
> I knew my current g/f while I was still married but started seeing her about a month later.


So you are basically a cheater. I'm not surprised


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Its clear to anyone here that you still have bitterness and resentment towards her. You jumped into a new relationship before you had even properly separated, before you were in any way over your ex and had given yourself any time or space to sort yourself out. You were still married when you shacked up with her.
> I am not surprised that some of your family support her, its you who left her for a much younger woman.


That's where you are wrong. I was over my ex at least a year before I decided to leave. I stayed in hopes things would get better. I went to marriage counseling ALONE because she wouldn't go. I would come home and say "hey, let's try this....." her response: "what did you get that from your crazy doctor?" I was done. My family knew I was done but I was afraid to leave so I stayed years longer than I should have. I've never looked back.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> So you are basically a cheater. I'm not surprised


I'm basically a cheater???? You're kidding right? I left, got legally separated and started seeing someone else. Nothing wrong here.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> So basically you left your wife and family for another(much younger) woman. No wonder your wife is isn't happy. Nor would I be. Nor would I condone or support a family member of mine who abandoned his family and started dating another women. In fact I would cut them off.


Women get so mad when men leave their partners and end up with a much prettier and younger woman. It's pure bitterness because I think they feel the same is going to happen to them. Middle aged women hate younger women esp. ones that are successful and beautiful. Jealousy is a bad quality.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Talk2Me said:


> Women get so mad when men leave their partners and end up with a much prettier and younger woman. It's pure bitterness because I think they feel the same is going to happen to them. Middle aged women hate younger women esp. ones that are successful and beautiful. Jealousy is a bad quality.


LOL you got it all figured out, stud lolololol

You have way more issues than you chose to be aware of.

Look, you are no longer close to this cousin, childhood notwithstanding. It's an EX SIL.

Let it go. It's not your circus or monkeys.

Just enjoy your oh so fabulous life and let them be.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Talk2Me said:


> Women get so mad when men leave their partners and end up with a much prettier and younger woman. It's pure bitterness because I think they feel the same is going to happen to them. ,*Middle aged women hate younger women esp. ones that are successful and beautiful. Jealousy is a bad quality.*


I don't know where you're basing your ideas but the truth is most women don't hate younger, prettier women. It's a life stage. Why should I be jealous of a life stage? 

Now am I distrustful or negative when I see a young woman dating an older guy? Yes. In my experience, most young women who enter into large age gap relationships either have daddy issues or are gold diggers. The ones that don't fall under either category experience seemingly high failure rates within these age gap relationships. 

It's not bitterness. It's just train wreck spotting at it's finest. But you know, you do you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> Women get so mad when men leave their partners and end up with a much prettier and younger woman. It's pure bitterness because I think they feel the same is going to happen to them. Middle aged women hate younger women esp. ones that are successful and beautiful. Jealousy is a bad quality.


Ah I see you are trying to deflect. Not surprised at that. 
I get mad when people abandon their spouses and children period. I think its disgusting behaviour. No I don't think it will happen to me because my husband has character and integrity and high moral values unlike you. No I don't hate younger women, I know many lovely young women who have character and wouldn't ever shack up with another woman's husband (unlike your girlfriend). 

You are the one with bitterness and hate, its oozes out of your posts. You need to let go of the past and stop worrying about what you wife does and doesn't do. Why does it still affect you so much?

I also agree with another poster who says that most young women with a much older man have daddy issues. Nearly all of such relationships that I have known of have fitted this description, and not many last long term, especially with a man who has already abandoned one family.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> I'm basically a cheater???? You're kidding right? I left, got legally separated and started seeing someone else. Nothing wrong here.


You were married, and left her for another women. Yes you are a cheater.


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> Women get so mad when men leave their partners and end up with a much prettier and younger woman. It's pure bitterness because I think they feel the same is going to happen to them. * Middle aged women hate younger women esp. ones that are successful and beautiful. Jealousy is a bad quality*.


I don't think that's true (I've not experienced that from middle aged women anyway and diffidently seen any hate thrown at your girlfriend on this thread).

Since you started dating your girlfriend (who you knew while married) almost immediately after separating from your wife is there a possibility your cousin believes you started a relationship with your girlfriend before separating from your wife?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Sometimes people cling to what they have no more and that would be my guess here. Rather than cutting ties completely she is trying to rekindle. I would just leave it alone and let it find its own way.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

Worrying about them only creates drama for you. Who cares what they talk about? Assume they are taking crap and let them go.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

Were you interested in your girlfriend before you left your wife?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You still didn't answer my question, did the rude text have to do with how you treated your ex. It is highly suspicious you are now dating a friend you met during your marriage.

It is why people are saying you are a cheater.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> You still didn't answer my question, did the rude text have to do with how you treated your ex. It is highly suspicious you are now dating a friend you met during your marriage.
> 
> It is why people are saying you are a cheater.


Interesting that people will be in a marriage for many years and suddenly leave once a new interest comes along. I never
believe these lies that are said by so many that 'nothing happened till we separated' .Yeh right.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Talk2Me said:


> Women get so mad when men leave their partners and end up with a much prettier and younger woman. It's pure bitterness because I think they feel the same is going to happen to them. Middle aged women hate younger women esp. ones that are successful and beautiful.


Interesting. You blame all women, speak for all men, bring up "much prettier," throw in ageism, add "beautiful" and then speak to how all women feel. Yet, you ex-wife is miserable. 



> Jealousy is a bad quality.


Ironic. With this new info, it is funny how your original posts now sounds like jealousy over her relationship with your cousin.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Interesting that people will be in a marriage for many years and suddenly leave once a new interest comes along. I never
> believe these lies that are said by so many that 'nothing happened till we separated' .Yeh right.


The timing is just weird. I am not saying he cheated and it wasn't a sexless marriage, but I do know some sexless marriages are tied to bad behavior.

You check out, you aren't owed sex. 
You put your emotions somewhere else, you aren't owed sex.
You deal in gender bias, you aren't owed sex.

I mean that's a pretty specific gender biased reaction. I am not bothered by the defense, I'd be pissed as well, but the drop into the gender biased cheater handbook is strange as hell.

We have too many threads with a cheater saying, "my wife's mad because my <insert various excuses friend/assistant/coworker/manager/secretary/accountant> is younger and hotter. Followed by "she's just jealous."


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Talk2Me said:


> My ex wife will talk crap about me to anyone who will listen to her. She's a chronic complainer and loves drama. I also found out that this same cousin will NOT be going to my brothers wedding this summer in support of his ex wife. It's def. time to just dump my cousin at this point. We will not be inviting her to our wedding if we get married. I won't give her the satisfaction of saying no.
> 
> Someone said my ex did this for the kids. That's such a lame excuse. She did it to piss me off. She's insanely bitter and hates the fact that I'm happy. Oh well.


Shoot, just to throw out another perspective. 

Be the bigger person. Invite her. Hell, invite your ex-wife.

Let the cousin be the one who says no. You'll always know you did "the bigger thing" when necessary.


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