# Online dating recommendations



## RandomDude

So, I've recently decided to give online dating a shot, I've signed up on match, ******* and tinder so far. I was going to sign up for an offline dating agency (which costs ~$3K) for a year membership but decided against it, as I suspect their database would be very small due to price of admission into their 'club' being very high for the average person.

So here's what I found so far *Updated* :

*Match*
Immediately after making a profile, got winks and likes straight away, then the profiles disappeared after I subscribed and messaged them. After googling, turns out this is common - match scamming people into subscribing, and I feel like an idiot. Regardless I can't get a refund so that's over a hundred dollars down the drain already. So far, few matches, most profiles are offline, others are extremely materialistic/unrealistic/disgusting.

Spent - $130 AUD
Result - 0 dates, 1 conversation (1 email recieved, 2 sent), out of 50 'winks', out of 100 profiles (2% chance of initiating a conversation)

Impression - the site is designed to take advantage of vulnerable singles and con you out of money. STAY AWAY
*

********
Very good so far, alot of profiles and easy to chat and meet the ladies - who actually respond. Free to use.

Spent - $0 AUD
Result - 2 dates (good), 1 date cancelled (by me), 12 conversations, out of 25 profiles (50% chance of initiation a conversation)
Impression - Promising

*Tinder:*
Decent, only problem is the lack of options for filtering out the matches, you have to go left/right individually which will take time - and doesn't help if you are as picky as me. Still it can kill time while you are bored. Messaging is free, and girls message back.

Spent - $0 AUD
Result - 1 date (bad), 12 conversations, out of 16 matches - out of perhaps 50 that I swiped right to, (24% chance of initiation a conversation)

Impression - A real numbers game, but it works. Suggestion if you are a male, to swipe right to every photo and choose your matches from there, for me however - I just can't do that.

FINAL RESULTS: Through ******* I met two potentials. One I'm currently dating, and the other sitting in the backburner hehe, but hey, I recommend ******* compared to the 3 other options based on my experience - though limited. I'm focusing on continuing to see my date so I'm no longer looking much on the sites.

How about you guys?


----------



## Herschel

I used match a bit, before the current wife. Was ok. Tinder has really replaced it as the go to bang site. Honestly, as lame as it sounds, eharmony was the best. You know anyone putting the effort in is taking this more seriously (assuming that is what you want). I had 2 kids, and I didn't want to mess around. Met 3 women on there, dated one for a year, one for a couple months and married the third. Of course, here I am now, but that doesn't mean it wasn't worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ynot

HaHa! I always knew when my subscription was about to expire on Match because I suddenly get swamped with hot 29 year old women who favored me or winked at me.


----------



## 225985

My hot coworker does Tinder. She tells me she is swamped with guys. She does not want to carry on long conversations. If the guy does want want to meet her for coffee etc within a week of contact, she moves on.. She tells me that a lot of guys just want to keep chatting. Of course, she is a sex addict but that is another story.

Use the sites as a filter to meet them in person for a coffee date. BTW, I have been married for 23 years so I have no OLD skills. Just passing on other's comments.

Have you tried POF?


----------



## Wolf1974

I have also always had better luck with the free sites. POF and OK Cupid were my go to. I know for a fact that Match uses the bait and switch. When I was on years ago a friend of mine, a model, kept coming up as a match for me. She was in a realtionship at the time and took her profile down months before this. She had to call several times and then send a letter threatening legal action before they finally took it down. I have met real women on there but like Ynot said once that subscription is about to expire all of the sudden all these hot 20's somethings start coming out of the woodwork, and once you hit renew disappear just as fast.


----------



## Rowan

Maybe Match scams guys more than women? I never had any trouble at all with any of the bait-and-switch tactics I've heard about others being hit with on Match. However, I will say that I was very particular with both my search and my privacy settings, which limited the numbers of interactions I had but also seemed to result in better quality matches. I probably chatted with 15 or so guys for various lengths of time. Of those I ended up meeting maybe 6 and had second dates with 3. I dated one gentleman I met on Match for 3 months. I also met my current partner on Match and we've been together about 8 months. I didn't have any trouble cancelling my membership, nor have there been any apparent issues with taking my profile down.

I also had good experiences with eHarmony. I chatted with maybe 6-7 guys, met 4, second dates with 2, and ended up having a 4-month relationship with one of them. Much slower pace to eHarmony than other sites, and a smaller pool of potential matches. But I also found most of the men I chatted with to be interested in a relationship, whereas Match had a higher percentage of guys dating for fun or for easy sex. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it just wasn't what I was looking for.


----------



## tech-novelist

Online dating is fine for women as long as they don't mind getting hit on constantly, but is generally not a very good deal for men. 

That is because, just as in what we laughingly refer to as "real life", women are in much more demand than men for dating (i.e., sex).

Thus, women will be treated much better by the dating sites than men will be, because women are the rare commodity.


----------



## WreckTangle

I have not been all that impressed by online dating so far. Okay, it has only been maybe a month since I decided to start looking...but I can't even seem to get anyone to respond to me.

I'm 39. I'm in good shape. I'm decent enough looking. I have a lot of interests, but I can never get anyone to really respond to my messages.

I'm using Zoost, as it was highly rated...but I do see some of the bait and switch. You can always learn a little more if you're willing to pay a little more. They definitely play on the desire of their subscribers to meet someone.

I've looked at some of the other sites, but again, I'm struggling to stay committed to them.

I'm really not sure what to do. I'm ready to move on...at least slowly. I'd love to find someone to get to know.

I'm not sure if I'll renew my Zoost subscription. 

I'd obviously prefer to meet someone organically, but then the pool of available women I'm around on a daily basis is pretty small.

I don't want to get discouraged. I've really only made the decision that I wanted to consider dating about a month ago, but still...I kind of wish someone would have responded to me.

...and I totally get that these sites are definitely skewed in the favor of females. They're the hot commodity.

Any advice? Any better sites to consider that don't involve paying through the nose??


----------



## tech-novelist

WreckTangle said:


> I'd obviously prefer to meet someone *organically*, but then the pool of available women I'm around on a daily basis is pretty small.


I would go to Whole Foods and stand in the produce aisle looking lost.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Years ago I signed up for match for a few months. My very first match was the college roommate of a guy I dated in college! That was weird. We did meet for a casual date, though and it was fun to catch up. Probably met a few people from there. Unlike a man, I felt like my matches were real genuine people and not fakes. Still, just like any site, messages dwindle when you are no longer fresh meat. 

Signed up for eHarmony in October I think, and I accidentally paid for a whole year instead of one month. Got several matches at first, but none very close to me, and now, 6 months later, eHarmony might send me a match every 2 weeks. I met one person for one date. I would not recommend eHarmony unless you live in a major metropolitan area or don't mind long distance relationships. 

Signed up for OKC again about 6 weeks ago I guess and was bombarded with messages for a couple weeks. I still get messages from new people every day. It's a very active site. I think a very large number of people who are on OKC are probably also on POF and Tinder. I don't think I'll ever do Tinder. I can't go by looks alone. I have a first date tonight from OKC. I don't see this as being a love connection but he seems nice enough and he's been quite patient (without being pushy) with me finally saying yes to a date. I also went out with someone else a few times, but we recently decided to stop that because we want different things. Still friends, though.

So, I agree with RD, that OKC is probably the best right now. But I also question if I should just stop (yes, I probably should) because I'm not willing to put the time and energy into an actual relationship so I feel like I'm a game player/leading people on.


----------



## RandomDude

@WreckTangle

Zoosk is a paid site like Match, not surprised your results are similar to mine. I have 1 response on match and that's it, compared to many responses from other sites/apps. Seems free sites are the go, much larger pool of candidates because hey - it's free and not so scammy. The tinder app's drawback though is that it's tough to filter candidates.

I've been offline dating for years, however even though the pool of women in my city is very large, it's too random, and unlike online dating I can't input my standards and dealbreakers straight off the bat. So hence I decided to give online dating a shot.


----------



## joannacroc

I like Eater Dating a lot - it's based on the idea that you suggest a date, and allows you to apply certain filters. Since it's based on the date not the person, it does mean that even if you don't hit it off, you're able to at least do something you like - go to a restaurant you've been waiting to try, or go do something active. Met my boyfriend there. 

Generally, a woman's experience of online dating tends to be like a cross-section of Bye Felipe - lots of derogatory comments about your appearance or intelligence if you reject a guy, lots of pictures of penises, lots of requests for nude photos. It does kind of make you lose faith in the existence of romance. There's also the messaging to be considered - some folks seem to want to message FOREVER before meeting in person and I just don't like that at all. After 2 weeks if you are messaging someone and they haven't stated an intention to meet up, it just feels like a waste of time. I DO like that it takes some of the nerves out of the equation. I'm shy, I don't make eye contact with guys I don't know, and I don't wear particularly revealing clothing. Add all those together and without online dating, I probably wouldn't be dating, period.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

joannacroc said:


> I like Eater Dating a lot - it's based on the idea that you suggest a date, and allows you to apply certain filters. Since it's based on the date not the person, it does mean that even if you don't hit it off, you're able to at least do something you like - go to a restaurant you've been waiting to try, or go do something active. Met my boyfriend there.
> 
> Generally, a woman's experience of online dating tends to be like a cross-section of Bye Felipe - lots of derogatory comments about your appearance or intelligence if you reject a guy, lots of pictures of penises, lots of requests for nude photos. It does kind of make you lose faith in the existence of romance. There's also the messaging to be considered - some folks seem to want to message FOREVER before meeting in person and I just don't like that at all. After 2 weeks if you are messaging someone and they haven't stated an intention to meet up, it just feels like a waste of time. I DO like that it takes some of the nerves out of the equation. I'm shy, I don't make eye contact with guys I don't know, and I don't wear particularly revealing clothing. Add all those together and without online dating, I probably wouldn't be dating, period.


What is Bye Felipe?


----------



## RandomDude

Updated my findings, in summary so far:

Match - 2% chance of initiating a conversation
******* - 40% chance of initiating a conversation
Tinder - 24% chance of initiating a conversation

Seriously, how can people use match?!

EDIT: Ack.... remind me not to try to do math past midnight


----------



## joannacroc

SecondTime'Round said:


> What is Bye Felipe?



It's an instagram account on which women post screen shots of interactions with guys who are hostile when they are rejected or ignored on online dating. There's also a podcast. 

https://www.instagram.com/byefelipe/


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> There's also the messaging to be considered - some folks seem to want to message FOREVER before meeting in person and I just don't like that at all.


Errr, on Tinder recently I got burnt by asking out too quick. I basically went the usual steps -> Icebreak > Rapport > Invite Out... suddenly *accused of being a player* and *unmatched* lol

Guess 20 messages was too few for that one haha


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Seriously, how can people use match?!
> 
> EDIT: Ack.... remind me not to try to do math past midnight


Don't send winks on match, send a message. Personalize it. I would get 3 responses for every 10 messages I sent.


----------



## Rowan

joannacroc said:


> Generally, a woman's experience of online dating tends to be like a cross-section of Bye Felipe - lots of derogatory comments about your appearance or intelligence if you reject a guy, lots of pictures of penises, lots of requests for nude photos. It does kind of make you lose faith in the existence of romance.


This. 

My first week on Match, before I set privacy controls, I got several unsolicited pictures of penises, quite a few requests for pictures of my various unclothed body parts, several very angry men who couldn't believe I wouldn't go out with them, and one genuine budding stalker. 

Which is why I set my privacy settings on Match so that no one could see my profile unless I made contact with them first. If nothing else, it cut down on the sheer numbers of crazy folks who could contact me directly.


----------



## joannacroc

RandomDude said:


> Errr, on Tinder recently I got burnt by asking out too quick. I basically went the usual steps -> Icebreak > Rapport > Invite Out... suddenly *accused of being a player* and *unmatched* lol
> 
> Guess 20 messages was too few for that one haha


Oh no! I guess Tinder's reputation is that it's for hooking up, from what I understand? So it surprises me you got that kind of reaction. I did find it off-putting to receive messages that felt cut and pasted to me: hey hot stuff, how about a drink sometime etc. without an effort at finding something in common. But what you describe doesn't sound like that at all. *shrugs* Who knows. Women, men, people, really, vary and never seem to like the same thing so far be it for me to speak for all women.

I did feel ridiculous exchanging messages with one particular guy early on, who I really clicked with. We had a lot in common (or so it seemed) - talked about books for hours. Then he went off the app after I was unable to have a spontaneous drink with him. Realized after that, spending a long time messaging someone before you know if you have any real chemistry in person isn't a great use of anyone's time.


----------



## RandomDude

Acoa said:


> Don't send winks on match, send a message. Personalize it. I would get 3 responses for every 10 messages I sent.


Too late... looks like I've winked every single female on Match in my area that I actually would like to date (and who seems actually active), looks like winking is a no go ey? lol

Bah!

Oh well still have OKC and Tinder, burnt all my matches on match.com it seems... HA!


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> Oh no! I guess Tinder's reputation is that it's for hooking up, from what I understand? So it surprises me you got that kind of reaction. I did find it off-putting to receive messages that felt cut and pasted to me: hey hot stuff, how about a drink sometime etc. without an effort at finding something in common. But what you describe doesn't sound like that at all. *shrugs* Who knows. Women, men, people, really, vary and never seem to like the same thing so far be it for me to speak for all women.


Heh well, there's also another possibility, the thing is, she suspiciously knew more about me than I told her, and her last words were like "Are you single?" "Yes, y? Don't you believe me?" "No not really... *unmatch*"  

Piecing two and two together - I have a suspicion that she did that because she had a 'mutual friend' of mine who she might have turned to for 'background research', and the last time I associated with that circle, I was with ex-GF at the time. 

So it's entirely possible that he told her mistakenly that I'm taken and she unmatched me who knows (or he may even wanted her for himself so told her that I'm a player pffft) That's one problem with Tinder, it ties into your facebook.


----------



## Herschel

God I hate dating.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Tis' funny though, I had another Tinder match where I wasn't very interested in her, was wondering how she managed to get me to swipe right, but anyway... she asked me "what are you looking for on Tinder" and I replied "I have 3 girlfriends and looking for number 4", instant unmatch :rofl:

Offline though I get away with that line all the time


----------



## WreckTangle

RandomDude said:


> @WreckTangle
> 
> Zoosk is a paid site like Match, not surprised your results are similar to mine. I have 1 response on match and that's it, compared to many responses from other sites/apps. Seems free sites are the go, much larger pool of candidates because hey - it's free and not so scammy. The tinder app's drawback though is that it's tough to filter candidates.
> 
> I've been offline dating for years, however even though the pool of women in my city is very large, it's too random, and unlike online dating I can't input my standards and dealbreakers straight off the bat. So hence I decided to give online dating a shot.


I just pulled the plug on Zoosk. They only got me for a month. Maybe I quit too early, but I honestly wasn't getting anything from it. I will explore some of the free sites. I think online dating can work, but it takes effort and it takes finding the right site.


----------



## Wolf1974

With match you have to email and actually tell a little about yourself other than sending an email that just said" hey". Everyone is sending winks and every guy is sending the hey email. All my friends who are female had 50 emails a day. They aren't going through all those..... only those that stand out and have something to say.

What I did was I would craft a paragraph just explaining a bit about me. It was generic and was copied/pasted. Then I would read a woman's profile and find something to comment about, Maybe a pic they had or a location they traveled or book they liked to make the email genuinely personal. Only have a 1/2 dozen pictures and run them through women's eyes to make sure they are as good as you think they are. This was the formula I used and I always had dates no matter if it was match, POF, OK Cupid what have you. If you are a guy the name of the game is making yourself stand out. It's a numbers game.


----------



## WonkyNinja

When I separated I tried Zoosk, POF and ******* and later on did a short term subscription for Match as one of my friends used Match and she seemed to meet quite a few people from it.

Zoosk:

Almost a complete waste of time. I did message with one nice lady but by the time she was back in town I had met someone on OKC. One thing that pi55ed me off big time was that even as a subscribed member when they matched you with someone you had to pay extra for the contact details. I did get quite a few ladies contacting me however all of them were messages that a learning impaired 5th grader could have written better. I politely declined them, including one who wanted to meet so that she could convert me to her religion. I do remember seeing many profiles that stated "Looking for my one true love" which unless you're a Disney princess is a pretty unrealistic starting point.

POF:
I had no luck even matching with anyone of POF for some reason it seemed that there were a lot of matches but none ever replied.

*******:

This was by far and away the best for me. I had answered a load of questions and so the matching was a lot better. I'm a pro-choice, pro-gun control extremely liberal atheist living in the bible belt and the matching managed to filter out many of the people that I just wouldn't get on with. but surprisingly there were still quite a few left. There are thousands of questions and the vast majority are pretty irrelevant but you can select which ones are meaningful to you. You can also get a bit of a sense of who the person is by how they answer and comment to some of the dumber questions. I went on a few of dates, two of which became relationships, and I am still good friends with all of them despite not working out as a relationship. I widened my search radius to 500 miles and messaged the top match just for the fun of it. We ended up meeting and now we're married!!

Match:

For me a total waste of money. To be honest I met the person I'm now married to just after joining so I didn't try too hard but I do remember getting an email update of matches and the whole page of them were blonde all looking the same direction with exactly the same smile. I thought I had been sucked into The Stepford Wives. It seemed much more commercial than romantic.



I'd suggest at least trying the free ones before you go sinking loads of money into others. The main thing I would suggest is that you read the profile and then write a decent message to the ones that you match with. I never saw the point of sending a "wink" just like I never saw the point of a "poke" on Facebook. They both just show that you can't even be bothered spending the time to write "Hi" in a message.

You need to keep in mind that women on OLD sites are getting inundated with dumb, offensive or "**** pic" messages so just make yours stand out. I may get flamed for this but ..... you don't need to try that hard. It seems that the rest of the male dating pool is so awful that even a half decent message with better than grade school grammar will stand out like a lifeboat in a sea of sewage!! I do feel sorry for many of the women in on line dating and what they have to put up with. In my experience women don't seem to have this need to open a conversation by sending a nude selfie to a stranger.


----------



## tech-novelist

WonkyNinja said:


> In my experience women don't seem to have this need to open a conversation by sending a nude selfie to a stranger.


Of course not, because as already explained on this thread, women are the hot commodity in dating, whether online or in real life.

Not that this excuses the retarded approach (**** pics, etc.) that a lot of men take, of course.


----------



## jb02157

I think alot of these are scams that are designed to extract money out of innocent people who want some companionship. I think the many posts your get from Match before you become a member should be counted as fraud. This is definitely a deceptive way to get people to join.


----------



## WonkyNinja

tech-novelist said:


> Of course not, because as already explained on this thread, women are the hot commodity in dating, whether online or in real life.
> 
> Not that this excuses the retarded approach (**** pics, etc.) that a lot of men take, of course.


I agree, although I meant it slightly tongue in cheek. I can't imagine how anyone could think that this will impress a woman.

A part of me wants to apply the logic that they wouldn't do it if it didn't work, but even so I still can't come round to believing that it does.


----------



## Betrayedone

tech-novelist said:


> Of course not, because as already explained on this thread, women are the hot commodity in dating, whether online or in real life.
> 
> Not that this excuses the retarded approach (**** pics, etc.) that a lot of men take, of course.


I don't necessarily agree that women are the hot commodity in the dating world.....Statistically at a certain age men are in shorter supply.....ESPECIALLY decent, normal, decent looking men with a job and an education. The women I hang around are educated, good looking women who are absolutely struggling to find someone for a relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

Betrayedone said:


> The women I hang around are educated, good looking women who are absolutely struggling to find someone for a relationship.


Ey? Then they should wink back!

As for not sending emails on match, I just got on match after Tinder, the wink for me is like "I'm interested" and if she winks back then I know she's interested so I'll bother sending a email. If not I can't be bothered  !

On ******* the "like" function is semi-broken due to the paywall so I went straight to messaging, and most of my initial messages are really generic, copy + paste questions, 1-2 sentences, anything to just kick off a conversation.

Hmmm... actually, think I'll go back to all the 52 winks I sent on match and email each of them the same way I did with ******* and see if there's any results!

Regardless I'm planning to pull the plug on the site soon too, but before I do, I'm going to have a few experiments!!!


----------



## WonkyNinja

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Then they should wink back!
> 
> As for not sending emails on match, I just got on match after Tinder, the wink for me is like "I'm interested" and if she winks back then I know she's interested so I'll bother sending a email. If not I can't be bothered  !


Maybe the educated good looking women that Betrayedone is talking about think "all he could bother to do was press a button" and can't be bothered doing the same back. Winking is probably seen in the same light as swiping right on Tinder, it really didn't take any effort. 

If you read their profiles and find out what interests them then send a message showing that you have done that and that you and she might get along because .............. then they may be bothered to answer back. If you can't be bothered taking the 5 minutes it takes to read a profile and write a quick email why should she bother replying?



> On ******* the "like" function is semi-broken due to the paywall so I went straight to messaging, and most of my initial messages are really generic, copy + paste questions, 1-2 sentences, anything to just kick off a conversation.


So they probably sound like generic copy + paste messages. Again why should she bother responding when you can't be bothered making any initial effort. Why don't you actually kick off a conversation?



> Hmmm... actually, think I'll go back to all the 52 winks I sent on match and email each of them the same way I did with ******* and see if there's any results!
> 
> Regardless I'm planning to pull the plug on the site soon too, but before I do, I'm going to have a few experiments!!!


Have you spent any time making your profile an attractive read? 

Don't forget that the women on OLD sites are there for the same reason that men are, the want to meet somebody. That doesn't include the fake profiles obviously, they are just there to get you to join!!


----------



## RandomDude

In real life, it takes 1-2 seconds to know a woman is interested in you - can tell from the eyes. Without this, I don't approach. Online, I can't tell! So I "wink" and see if they "wink" back 

As for my ******* messages, they may be copy and paste but I have 40% reply rate lol
So that's saying something!

My profile is very simple, but I don't put EVERYTHING on there, its mostly humor 

Also not in the habit of writing essays to random women on the net, I prefer TWO WAY conversation!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

WonkyNinja said:


> I agree, although I meant it slightly tongue in cheek. I can't imagine how anyone could think that this will impress a woman.
> 
> A part of me wants to apply the logic that they wouldn't do it if it didn't work, but even so I still can't come round to believing that it does.


They don't do it with the goal of attracting a woman for relationship or sex.

They do it with the goal of titillating themselves at the thought of the woman's reaction upon seeing it.

So it works every time they click send...


----------



## tech-novelist

Betrayedone said:


> I don't necessarily agree that women are the hot commodity in the dating world.....Statistically at a certain age men are in shorter supply.....ESPECIALLY decent, normal, decent looking men with a job and an education. The women I hang around are educated, good looking women who are absolutely struggling to find someone for a relationship.


Right, after a certain age this is true. But before that age, they are the hot commodity.


----------



## joannacroc

WonkyNinja said:


> Maybe the educated good looking women that Betrayedone is talking about think "all he could bother to do was press a button" and can't be bothered doing the same back. Winking is probably seen in the same light as swiping right on Tinder, it really didn't take any effort.
> 
> *If you read their profiles and find out what interests them then send a message showing that you have done that and that you and she might get along because .............. then they may be bothered to answer back. If you can't be bothered taking the 5 minutes it takes to read a profile and write a quick email why should she bother replying?
> 
> 
> 
> So they probably sound like generic copy + paste messages. Again why should she bother responding when you can't be bothered making any initial effort. Why don't you actually kick off a conversation?*
> 
> 
> 
> Have you spent any time making your profile an attractive read?
> 
> Don't forget that the women on OLD sites are there for the same reason that men are, the want to meet somebody. That doesn't include the fake profiles obviously, they are just there to get you to join!!


I have to agree with this, and it was one of the things I disliked so much about OLD. Before I met BF, I was online dating and the messages were just SO generic. A lot of "hey" etc. which is kind of boring and not indicative of them taking the time to read my profile. Or a lot of "I looked at your profile and we have a lot in common" which really isn't fooling anyone.

It's pretty easy. OLD actually takes a lot of the guesswork out of hitting on a woman because you have clues as to her interests already, and know what to mention when you kick off a conversation.

What about their profile made you want to get in touch? If it's just that they're hot, then try and look a little deeper and at least see if you'd have something to discuss - any shared interests or values? Does it look like some of the shots were abroad? Ask her about her trip. It takes literally about 1 minute to properly read someone's profile and see what's important to them. Have you experimented, say, instead of sending winks to 40 random women, focus on messaging, say, 20, with an actual effort at finding something about their profile you can say something about? There are plenty of beautiful women out there, right? So I have to assume there is something about the women you pick to wink at or swipe or whatever that adds a level of interest?


----------



## RandomDude

Well... so far my generic openers have been getting my dates!

Anyway I normally start them off with open ended questions about their profile/interests, but 1-2 lines at most, if she responds then yay, we have a 'conversation', dont get the essay-writing stuff, 'tis just not me.


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Well... so far my generic openers have been getting my dates!
> 
> Anyway I normally start them off with open ended questions about their profile/interests, but 1-2 lines at most, if she responds then yay, we have a 'conversation', dont get the essay-writing stuff, 'tis just not me.


1 or 2 lines is fine, as long as they are about why you found her interesting. A essay would probably seem desperate (or indicate future stalker material) 

If you are asking about stuff on their profile, I'd say you got it right.


----------



## huebnem

I'm not allowed to use dating websites or apps...

When I did, ******* wasn't bad...but too many catfish in that pool and most messaging ended in a cold, dead end or I found out they were just not interested in much and had fluffed their profiles...


----------



## SurpriseMyself

WreckTangle said:


> I have not been all that impressed by online dating so far. Okay, it has only been maybe a month since I decided to start looking...but I can't even seem to get anyone to respond to me.
> 
> I'm 39. I'm in good shape. I'm decent enough looking. I have a lot of interests, but I can never get anyone to really respond to my messages.
> 
> I'm using Zoost, as it was highly rated...but I do see some of the bait and switch. You can always learn a little more if you're willing to pay a little more. They definitely play on the desire of their subscribers to meet someone.
> 
> I've looked at some of the other sites, but again, I'm struggling to stay committed to them.
> 
> I'm really not sure what to do. I'm ready to move on...at least slowly. I'd love to find someone to get to know.
> 
> I'm not sure if I'll renew my Zoost subscription.
> 
> I'd obviously prefer to meet someone organically, but then the pool of available women I'm around on a daily basis is pretty small.
> 
> I don't want to get discouraged. I've really only made the decision that I wanted to consider dating about a month ago, but still...I kind of wish someone would have responded to me.
> 
> ...and I totally get that these sites are definitely skewed in the favor of females. They're the hot commodity.
> 
> Any advice? Any better sites to consider that don't involve paying through the nose??


As a woman on an online dating site, I'll simply say that the first exchanges matter. If you just say, "hi" it doesn't usually go anywhere. How do you start off?


----------



## BetrayedDad

RandomDude said:


> Errr, on Tinder recently I got burnt by asking out too quick. I basically went the usual steps -> Icebreak > Rapport > Invite Out... suddenly *accused of being a player* and *unmatched* lol
> 
> Guess 20 messages was too few for that one haha


I found 3-4 days of slow texting back and forth the optimal time for date asking.

Too soon, within 1-2 days, and you scare them off. If you wait too long, 4-7 days, you will probably get ignored.

More than a week and you get friend zoned as a pen pal. Gotta treat them like a little bunny. 

You don't want to scare the bunny away with any sudden movements and you don't wait too long or the bunny will hop away.


----------



## jb02157

I've always thought these sites were sort of a scam. I get e-mails that someone is interested in me when I haven't even joined the site.


----------



## BetrayedDad

@RandomDude 

I thought you were a Meetup.com guy anyway?

You used to rave about it. What happened?


----------



## RandomDude

It's just like offline dating, it's just too random. After my last offline girlfriend, I decided to give online dating a shot as online dating at least lets you filter out dealbreakers/preferences.


----------



## MRR

SurpriseMyself said:


> As a woman on an online dating site, I'll simply say that the first exchanges matter. If you just say, "hi" it doesn't usually go anywhere. How do you start off?


ok, so what do you want to see? like RD, I do not like to spend 20 minutes concocting a first message to have it ignored. How should the first exchange go? I know you cannot speak for all women, and I will tell you that MANY women do not have anything in their profile to build off.


----------



## Ynot

I think we all have different expectations depending on who we are. So if you are looking for your knight in shining armor a well thought out opener, full of references to your profile might catch your eye more than a simple Hello would. OTOH if you are ust looking to meet other people, perhaps the simple hello will generate more interest than some creeper trying to suck you in by referencing your profile. 

Besides that, I find the more specific the profile, the more PIA. Most profiles are fairly generic " I can dress up or stay home" Yeah that tells me so much! So if I like the pics and they match the profile (not a 250lb woman claiming to be "thin and athletic" for instance) I usually just say Hi or Hello. If they are interested they will look at my profile and usually respond back equally simple.


----------



## MRR

Ynot said:


> I think we all have different expectations depending on who we are. So if you are looking for your knight in shining armor a well thought out opener, full of references to your profile might catch your eye more than a simple Hello would. OTOH if you are ust looking to meet other people, perhaps the simple hello will generate more interest than some creeper trying to suck you in by referencing your profile.
> 
> Besides that, I find the more specific the profile, the more PIA. Most profiles are fairly generic " I can dress up or stay home" Yeah that tells me so much! So if I like the pics and they match the profile (not a 250lb woman claiming to be "thin and athletic" for instance) I usually just say Hi or Hello. If they are interested they will look at my profile and usually respond back equally simple.


She just said that as a woman, hi or hello is not going to go very far. 

I have found that typically is true, however I also have found that spending a ton of time trying to find something interesting to 'open' with can be a waste. 

Everyone is going to be different, yes. That is why they call it a numbers game, and when we are online we have no idea how many other people the woman may have reached out to as well before she reached her maximum capacity for engagement.


----------



## RandomDude

Reminds me of Tinder and a humorous article I read earlier:

"Because men are so liberal with their matching, women open up Tinder and get a match nearly every time they swipe right. This motivates them to be even more selective than they might otherwise be, lest they become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of matches. *So the behavior of men reinforces the behavior of women and vice versa … bingo, we have an equilibrium.*"

Yes, Men Always Swipe Right: The Game Theory Of Tinder


----------



## Ynot

MRR said:


> She just said that as a woman, hi or hello is not going to go very far.
> 
> I have found that typically is true, however I also have found that spending a ton of time trying to find something interesting to 'open' with can be a waste.
> 
> Everyone is going to be different, yes. That is why they call it a numbers game, and when we are online we have no idea how many other people the woman may have reached out to as well before she reached her maximum capacity for engagement.


Yep, she said "as a woman" (IE for herself), hi or hello is not going to go very far. She doesn't speak for all woman, nor do you and I speak for all men. We are all different. If you want to spend an hour thinking of some wordy well thought out response which may or may not elicit a reply and/or lead to possibly more - have at it. As for me I am going to keep it simple. I can't read anyone's mind but my own. So I am not going to waste my time.


----------



## BetrayedDad

MRR said:


> I will tell you that MANY women do not have anything in their profile to build off.


Pro Tip: I think the hi or hello really cliché too. When I was on tinder there basically is no profile. You get one paragraph and a few photos. So I always opened with a comment on a photo instead of a typical "hi'" everyone else is doing.

Examples: 

Posing with a dog - "What's your dog's breed, he's cute!"

On a beach - "Where did you on vacation? That beach looks amazing!"

At the grill - "So anything good on the grill?" 

It's practically impossible not to find anything in a photo to comment on unless they all look like mug shots and even then you can be like, "So, why were you get arrested?" haha!

Even if the convo doesn't go anywhere, it's an icebreaker and women love talking about themselves so I had a REALLY good rate of return just by glancing at a few photos and doing that. Down to earth goes a long way.

Hope that helps!


----------



## MRR

BetrayedDad said:


> Pro Tip: I think the hi or hello really cliché too. When I was on tinder there basically is no profile. You get one paragraph and a few photos. So I always opened with a comment on a photo instead of a typical "hi'" everyone else is doing.
> 
> Examples:
> 
> Posing with a dog - "What's your dog's breed, he's cute!"
> 
> On a beach - "Where did you on vacation? That beach looks amazing!"
> 
> At the grill - "So anything good on the grill?"
> 
> It's practically impossible not to find anything in a photo to comment on unless they all look like mug shots and even then you can be like, "So, why were you get arrested?" haha!
> 
> Even if the convo doesn't go anywhere, it's an icebreaker and women love talking about themselves so I had a REALLY good rate of return just by glancing at a few photos and doing that. Down to earth goes a long way.
> 
> Hope that helps!


good call


----------



## Mr The Other

RandomDude said:


> So, I've recently decided to give online dating a shot, I've signed up on match, ******* and tinder so far. I was going to sign up for an offline dating agency (which costs ~$3K) for a year membership but decided against it, as I suspect their database would be very small due to price of admission into their 'club' being very high for the average person.
> 
> So here's what I found so far *Updated* :
> 
> *Match*
> Immediately after making a profile, got winks and likes straight away, then the profiles disappeared after I subscribed and messaged them. After googling, turns out this is common - match scamming people into subscribing, and I feel like an idiot. Regardless I can't get a refund so that's over a hundred dollars down the drain already. So far, few matches, most profiles are offline, others are extremely materialistic/unrealistic/disgusting.
> 
> Spent - $130 AUD
> Result - 0 dates, 1 conversation (1 email recieved, 2 sent), out of 50 'winks', out of 100 profiles (2% chance of initiating a conversation)
> 
> Impression - the site is designed to take advantage of vulnerable singles and con you out of money. STAY AWAY
> *
> 
> ********
> Very good so far, alot of profiles and easy to chat and meet the ladies - who actually respond. Free to use.
> 
> Spent - $0 AUD
> Result - 2 dates (good), 1 date cancelled (by me), 12 conversations, out of 25 profiles (50% chance of initiation a conversation)
> Impression - Promising
> 
> *Tinder:*
> Decent, only problem is the lack of options for filtering out the matches, you have to go left/right individually which will take time - and doesn't help if you are as picky as me. Still it can kill time while you are bored. Messaging is free, and girls message back.
> 
> Spent - $0 AUD
> Result - 1 date (bad), 12 conversations, out of 16 matches - out of perhaps 50 that I swiped right to, (24% chance of initiation a conversation)
> 
> Impression - A real numbers game, but it works. Suggestion if you are a male, to swipe right to every photo and choose your matches from there, for me however - I just can't do that.
> 
> FINAL RESULTS: Through ******* I met two potentials. One I'm currently dating, and the other sitting in the backburner hehe, but hey, I recommend ******* compared to the 3 other options based on my experience - though limited. I'm focusing on continuing to see my date so I'm no longer looking much on the sites.
> 
> How about you guys?


I have pretty much given up on ******* and stick to Tinder and Bumble. 

This is odd, as on the two I use, I have only photos. I am English, have a PhD, am very well traveled, some of which is evident on OKC and yet I find it a waste of time. It also means that with Tinder and Bumble, if they are interested in the photos, I am unlikely to disappoint in person.


----------

