# My husband wants to leave me, what should I do?



## Elizabeth1974

Well, my husband has agreed to three sessions with a marriage counselor. However, he has agreed due to me pleading with him to give us a small chance and then I will agree to a divorce if he still feels there is no hope. He even yelled at me “Three sessions and that is it, I have had it with this marriage. I can’t take any more.”

My husband and me had a dispute last week which led to me saying, I am walking away from this argument and I left him in the room alone. He then, begining last Tuesday, started sleeping on the couch. He recently told me he wants a divorce,, this was last Saturday. Since then has now begun to not eat my food, stays sleeping on the couch and doesn't talk to me. He has taken our wedding pictures off of facebook and has stopped wearing his wedding ring. Have I completely lost him? A couple of days ago I got him to agree to see my therapist for 3 couples sessions and after that he will decide if there is no hope on his side. I started a therapist to help start the process of therapy together. I want to save my marriage.
He wants to divorce me but has said fine (by me harrassing him) to go to 3 sessions with my therapist. Today I pushed the issue a little further and he said he will give it until August 1, 2010, because he states he doesn't want to be an evil guy and I am such a "pain in the A%s." We have had arguments in the past that were bad (not physical) and they have gotten better. That is my belief that they have gotten better and two weeks ago he even said we are making progress. Today was our first session with my theraist as a couple. He started the session by saying "I don't fell we work, I have no energy to work this out either and this is how I feel." He utilized session to talk about our arguments and how I always get the last word and walk away which is the majority of why he wants to leave. He states that I walk away from him in an argument before he finishes what he has to say.
Should I ignore him and give him space, and wait for him to approach me whenever? I have been trying to connect with him for the past week and he has been busy telling me to get the F*%#k away we are over and done.


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## MEM2020

Are his complaints valid? 
What do you two typically fight about?
Are you willing to change? 
Is the physical part of your marriage still good?




Elizabeth1974 said:


> Well, my husband has agreed to three sessions with a marriage counselor. However, he has agreed due to me pleading with him to give us a small chance and then I will agree to a divorce if he still feels there is no hope. He even yelled at me “Three sessions and that is it, I have had it with this marriage. I can’t take any more.”
> 
> My husband and me had a dispute last week which led to me saying, I am walking away from this argument and I left him in the room alone. He then, begining last Tuesday, started sleeping on the couch. He recently told me he wants a divorce,, this was last Saturday. Since then has now begun to not eat my food, stays sleeping on the couch and doesn't talk to me. He has taken our wedding pictures off of facebook and has stopped wearing his wedding ring. Have I completely lost him? A couple of days ago I got him to agree to see my therapist for 3 couples sessions and after that he will decide if there is no hope on his side. I started a therapist to help start the process of therapy together. I want to save my marriage.
> He wants to divorce me but has said fine (by me harrassing him) to go to 3 sessions with my therapist. Today I pushed the issue a little further and he said he will give it until August 1, 2010, because he states he doesn't want to be an evil guy. We have had arguments in the past that were bad (not physical) and they have gotten better. That is my belief that they have gotten better and two weeks ago he even said we are making progress. Today was our first session with my theraist as a couple. He started the session by saying "I don't fell we work, I have no energy to work this out either is how I feel." He utilized session to talk about our arguments and how I always get the last word and walk away which is the majority of whoy he wants to leave. He states that I walk away from him in an argument before he finishes what he has to say.
> Should I ignore him and give him space, and wait for him to approach me whenever? I have been trying to connect with him for the past week and he has been busy telling me to get the F*%#k away we are over and done.


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## Elizabeth1974

Are arguments have improved for the better. However, he states that the problem is I always have the last word in an argument and then walk away "vindictively" as he states. He keeps saying that he is done with the marriage and feels "we don't work." However, he hasn't left the house and with me persisting he has agreed to sessions until August 1st. He still won't wear his wedding ring or watch, eat my food, continues to sleep on the sofa and won't talk to me.

Are his complaints valid? Somewhat, but I believe they are over exaggerated. For example, in session he stated that I compulsively leave the scene of an argument right after I have the last say...he states that is 80% of what has caused him to want to leave this marriage. The other 20% is I nag him about house keeping.

What do you two typically fight about? The same as above.

Are you willing to change? Of course, but he states he is done...even though he is attending sessions with me until August 1st.

Is the physical part of your marriage still good? Non-existent


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## turnera

How old are you?


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## Elizabeth1974

I am 36 years old and he is 35 years old. He is still sleeping on the couch. Tomorrow he is going on his buisness trip that will last for one week. He is still not wearing his wedding ring and has recently asked me to not attend 3 family graduation parties that are coming up and including his birthday party. I am beyond hurt. We live together but we communicate more through text messaging. Yesterday, he text me " I am still here and at the same time I have to evaluate my feelings and I have to think how I am going to feel in the long term." I asked him if/when we can try to reconcile before he potentially decides to leave the marriage. He text me "Open wounds need to heal before I can try that." What does this mean? Just 5 days ago he said he wanted out of the marriage and was willing to move out.


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## turnera

Tell him "They are MY family graduation parties, too, so I will attend if I want to."

Big secret: when a spouse wants you to NOT do something, that is often EXACTLY what you should do.

Have you checked yet to see if he is having an affair?


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## Elizabeth1974

I checked wallets and phone. Nothing. He seemed like he wanted the space. I think I should respect it for now since he is adament in leaving August 2010, if his feelings don't change about our marriage.


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## turnera

I'm pretty sure he has at least noticed someone else, and that has got him thinking he's got better options (sorry). You may want to dig into that a little deeper. Check computer, ask friends, etc.

But, barring that, if he wants space, it's because he is not getting his needs met by you and/or you are Love Busting him so much it doesn't matter if you DO meet his needs. 

There are some questionnaires at marriagebuilders.com that you can ask him to fill out - Love Busters and Emotional Needs. If he won't, try to fill them out FOR him, to get a better idea of what's going on in his mind. If you can figure out how to stop LBing him, and how to meet his top 5 ENs, you have a chance of changing his mind.

If he feels like life is passing him by, or he's having a midlife crisis, whatever, see how YOU can help him achieve the things he wants to achieve.


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## hopelesslife

You never said WHAT YOU TWO ARGUEING ABOUT???????This is the key point. Are there too many differences between you and him? Were you always the one who got the last word and then walked away when you had an arguement. if so, I could understand how your husband feel like. all ppl are different. for some ppl walking away and giving them space is good solution to cool them down; while for others,being there and listening to them venting,or even argueing with them ,might be a better solution than walking away. What you husband said is just like when he was so angry during an arguement,you got the last word and walked away. That made him feel like he had no one to listen to him.

I also kinds feel like he might have an affiar. But even if he is having an affair. it shouldn't be a strong reason that makes you believe it is why he wants a divorce. if he really has an affiar,try to find out why he has an affair? Is there something you did made him feel not attracted to you any more, or is the affair itself made him distracted from you.


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