# Need talking with wife and MC



## il101 (Oct 23, 2012)

Ok, I’m at the end of my rope with this. My wife and I haven't had sex in over two weeks. There has been a lot of tension between us lately. I feel like I can't start up the whole "let’s have sex tonight" because she then proceeds to get mad. I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall. During the day on Wednesday I was working close to her office and asked since we don't get to have date nights a lot would she like to have a date lunch. 45 minutes later she texted me that she had an online class at work and can't do it; fine whatever. she said maybe Thursday night we could have the kids eat in the living room while we eat in the kitchen to spend some alone time. On Wednesday night she went to bed about a half hour before me, when I got in bed I crawled behind her and laid there for a little while. I’m not sure if she was really sleeping, but when I proceeded to try and touch her she shook me off and groaned (frustrating). Well, last night at dinner time, the kids where off their rockers and they ended up eating with us; ok another bad day for us. I love my kids, but I also need alone time with my wife. After dinner and the kids were ready for bed, l my wife ended up falling asleep with our son in our bed. After the past two days of all the grief and aggravation between us, I said f*ck this and proceeded to sleep on the couch. Around 2 am, she came in the living room and asked if I was coming to bed, I told her no. After asking a couple of more times I just gave up and went to bed. I laid in bed for about and hour and half staring at the clock. My mind was racing with thoughts and I couldn’t turn them off. I don't know what time she fell asleep because she keep tossing and turning for a long time. I feel like I (we) need someone to talk to about this. I’m getting tired of always feeling like the bad guy in our house or I’m always the problem. I know that I’m not perfect. If I bring up all of these issue with my wife it comes down to fact that she will act like she’s right and I’m wrong or she will tell me to stop playing the victim and do something about it. Well, I am doing something this time. 

I’m not sure how many people on these boards have been to MC, but if you have, did it help or hinder your marriage? Also, I live in the western suburbs of Chicago, so if anyone knows an MC that has helped them please let me know. I love my wife and kids and don't want to leave them or have her leave me. I was raised with divorced parents and I know how hard that is for kids because I lived it. Any help or advice would be great.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

What is she resentful about? 
My h and I went to MC starting in the summer and it helped us a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Speak to the Mrs and let her know how you feel. Yes for the children the both of you really need to go see a MC. If she loves and cares for them as much as you do she will be more than willing to see a MC with you. Hang in there !! Hope everything works out !!!


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

My H and I and are going through MC right now. It has been AMAZING :smthumbup: for us. We are communicating more understanding what each other wants and I am so much happier now then I have ever been in our 14 year marriage. 

Before MC I felt like i lived with my BFF!! He would do everything for me for give me what ever I wanted. He bends over backwards and puts me before him.

BUT, what I really wanted was an emotional connection with him something we had not had in over 13 years. Now, dont get me wrong we still have had a few hiccups but its not something that we havent been able to get through successfully. I have also had the opportunity to go to the counselor by myself and that has been a huge help as well. If you cant afford a MC see if your company offers an Employee Assistance Program they offer confidential counseling for FREE!!!

I wish you as much LUCK and SUCCESS and my H and I have experienced with MC. If i had not gone to MC I would still be miserable and not sure how I would have ever been able to continue to stay in my marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> she will tell me to stop playing the victim and do something about it.


Why does she think you are 'playing the victim?'

What is this 'something' she thinks you should do?

Does she have problems she is taking out on you?

If so, what are they? Can you help her with them?

MC might help, but only if both sides agree that something is wrong and that not everything is the fault of the spouse.


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## DrDavidCOlsen (Oct 7, 2012)

The problem you are describing is very common. Couples with children can often have difficult finding time to maintain intimacy. Adding pressure will only make it worse. Talk as a couple about how to put some boundaries around marriage so as to find more time to be together as a couple (without the whole focus being on sex)
Talk more to your wife about her stress level and what she needs. Remember, the largest sex organ is the brain. If life is stressful, its tough, especially for women, to turn of the thoughts at night. 
And if she thinks your main need is sex, it will start to feel like one more job she has to do. A good marital therapist can be very helpful, as this is a very fixable problem. Make sure the MC is certified as a marital therapist, and it wouldn't hurt to find out if they are married. David Olsen, Ph.D, LCSW


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## il101 (Oct 23, 2012)

thanks everyone for the imput. i talked with my wife yesterday about some of our issues. i didn't bring up the MC yet because i thougt that we made some good strides. however, i will see how this goes for the next week or so. i think that us going to see an MC will probably be good in the long run so i will keep that one in my back pocket.

she said that one of her biggest hang ups is me getting frustrated with our kids because i have to ask them to do things multiple times. here is the thing, i love both of my kids and they are great!! but they both, my son more than my daughter, have a hard time listenting to my directions. so as a result i get frustrated and have to tell her to deal with it. as a result she says that i should take the time to talk and listen to them. i do listen to both of our kids and give solutions, but they sometimes just don't seem to listen to me. the funny thing about this is that i had to show my wife and have her abserve this. a couple of times she watched this, she now has my back and follows up with them making sure they do as told. i also told my wife that she is just as guilty as i am getting frustrated with our kids. she agreed.

hopefully we can both come to some kind of agreement on dealing with all of our issues. neither one of is perfect, i just stride to be good to all members of my family because i love them.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

when your kids don't listen, you tell your wife to deal with it. Not a good strategy. The kids know that this. This is also not fair to your wife. Don't make her the bad guy with kids when they don't listen to YOU. You need to be the disciplinarian too. I would be resentful if my H did this to me.


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## il101 (Oct 23, 2012)

shiksa - i know that i'm not perfect and i also know that this is not the best strategy, however sometimes i think that it is best to just walk away from a situation just getting worse. my wife and i have talked about this and we have developed a plan. i have also read some eye opening articles on how to deal with children that don't listen. i realize that this is not an instant fix, but i am optimistic on this approach and will see what happens.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Go to MC.


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