# Lurking for a year



## Shortdrive

I finally registered. I came here a year ago after my wife of two and a half years went to meet up with her last boy friend while I was gone for the day. We set some boundaries that I thought were understood and a year later we are fine.


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## jlg07

Welcome Shortdrive. When you said she "met up" with her boyfriend, was that a Physical affair, or an emotional one? What sort of consequences did she have due to this? I hope you didn't just rugsweep her affair.


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## arbitrator

*Welcome to the TAM Family, @Shortdrive ~

There's a plethora of great people here who will empathize with your case and offer you good, common-sense advise!

If you don't mind, could you please expound upon the crux of your situation a little more for us? *


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## Shortdrive

It was emotional as best I can tell. Although she said she left when he tried to kiss her. I do believe it was more than that when messaged her he came home with a problem. She said me too but I loved every second of what caused the problem. She has a friend who encouraged her in this. I told her that her friend was toxic and I don’t want them to communicate. She has done that. Also the old boyfriend is NC I monitor her phone and nothing. 
She was also having an emotional affair with someone on Messanger six states away. I sent him and his wife a message that he would quit sexing my wife. Never another word. 
I do continue to monitor all her social media as well as the phone bill.


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## arbitrator

*My RSXW had/still has toxic friends like that ~ who encouraged and helped facilitate her out-of-town extra-marital affairs with two other men!

Your wife doesn't have/own a concealed burner phone that you're aware of, does she?*


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## Shortdrive

No burner phone. We literally spend 24 hours a Day with each other. So I would know.


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## wilson

If you've been lurking a while, then hopefully you realize the reality of the situation. Rarely is this kind of behavior actually cured. It sounds like you are on a good path, but the danger is that she slips into old habits when you aren't on top of things. There's something different about her at a fundamental level if she thinks it is okay to visit an old boyfriend so soon after being married. Make sure you keep an eye on things, and be realistic about the future. If she continues to have slipups, then realize it will likely always be like that in the future. But hopefully it's something she got out of her system and will not do again.


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## arbitrator

Shortdrive said:


> No burner phone. We literally spend 24 hours a Day with each other. So I would know.


*That's good news! 

Have the two of you attempted marriage counseling together, or done individual counseling over this or any other problem?*


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## Shortdrive

Wilson i do understand.That is why I check things daily. I did have a brief chat with one of her son's. He said about every 3 years she gets the "itch". Her whole family is really happy she married me. I guess the 2 other marriages she had were bad and a succession of losers after that. Me i was widowed after 41 years and my wife drew me out of the darkness i was in. So her three boys liked the possibility of stable long marriage. Or as long as two retirees can have. 

Thanks for replying.


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## Shortdrive

arbitrator said:


> *That's good news!
> 
> Have the two of you attempted marriage counseling together, or done individual counseling over this or any other problem?*


We have not. We are retired and funds are rather tight. We do have close friends that could fit the need of we wanted.


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## happyhusband0005

Shortdrive said:


> Wilson i do understand.That is why I check things daily. I did have a brief chat with one of her son's. He said about every 3 years she gets the "itch". Her whole family is really happy she married me. I guess the 2 other marriages she had were bad and a succession of losers after that. Me i was widowed after 41 years and my wife drew me out of the darkness i was in. So her three boys liked the possibility of stable long marriage. Or as long as two retirees can have.
> 
> Thanks for replying.


From this I would say we have you who apparently knows what it takes to sustain a strong relationship, your wife not so much. Hopefully she accepts she has poor relationship instincts and tries to learn from you. 

Welcome


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## farsidejunky

Do you occasionally feel like her keeper rather than her husband?


Shortdrive said:


> Wilson i do understand.That is why I check things daily. I did have a brief chat with one of her son's. He said about every 3 years she gets the "itch". Her whole family is really happy she married me. I guess the 2 other marriages she had were bad and a succession of losers after that. Me i was widowed after 41 years and my wife drew me out of the darkness i was in. So her three boys liked the possibility of stable long marriage. Or as long as two retirees can have.
> 
> Thanks for replying.


Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator

Shortdrive said:


> We have not. We are retired and funds are rather tight. We do have close friends that could fit the need of we wanted.


*Or you could try a trusted church minister or psychologist, provided that you are mutually inclined to go that route!*


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## TAMAT

Shortdrive,

Your WW of only 2 years has had two affairs that you know about, she may be too old to change.

She sounds like a serial cheater and as I found our with OM3, 80 something years old, they just work harder at it the older they get.


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