# Having a REALLY hard time.



## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

I just don't know what else to do, or where else to turn. I go to a psychiatrist once every 2 weeks. I go to a therpist (same guy I've been seeing for over a year) once a week - and it's just not getting any better.

I thought I was there, or almost there. I even have posts here telling and trying to prove that. That is what is so disappointing to me. I've been in complete dark - depression all weekend. I'm crying now, as I type this. All I want to do is keep taking these anxiety pills I was prescribed, and just sit here comatose until life gives me the break I feel I've yet to receive. I know, I sound selfish and like I'm having a pity party, but -- I'm afraid right now. I'm so scared of not knowing whats next. I thought I was just about off that roller coaster train, to find out this past week or so - no, I'm not anywhere near it.

I got involved, and fell in love with an alcoholic.. b/c I wasn't ready to be dating again (obviously, or I would've known the signs sooner) and it has been pure hell leaving this man. I know, I'm making the right decision for my son, alone... much less myself. But, it's so damn hard. It's pulled me right back down into this black pit. To the point, I'm totally wishing this divorce never happened. To the point, where I'm asking myself again - why is it so easy for the ex - to just up and start new/over... How can he do that to me, us? He's not w/ mistress anymore, he's onto #2, and has been with her 10 mos. So, in my mind... that means, he will be with her for life. And, I just don't get it. I don't see why or how he can do that. How did he get so lucky to find someone "good" for him, and I found an alcoholic who has completely destroyed me, and brought me back down to this depression level again?

Thank you for listening, and thank you for trying to help me. I'm so so very lost.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Is there anyone you can call to come be with you right now?


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## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

No, that is why I'm in such a bad place right now. My parents have their own issues (my dad recently dx w/ Cancer), my sister is out of town, my best friend who I trust is preparing for her first day on new job tomorrow. I don't want to interrupt any of them.

thankfully I see my therapist tomorrow but the problem is, how many times do I have to see him before I see a change. I've been going to him since August 2014, weekly.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

It sounds like maybe a combination of an anti-depressant and the therapy might be in order at this point. I know that's not going to help you get through TODAY, but have you tried anything aside from the anxiety medication?

Your ex husband is not a brand new/healed person with woman #2. He's still the same POS who took a mistress, so she's getting no prize. And she's also probably no prize herself, so don't fool yourself into thinking he got someone "good." And even if he did, he'll probably F it up. 

Why has it been pure hell leaving the alcoholic?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

First of all sorry for your troubles.

Your life is going to be what you make of it. YOU!!! Find some interests, upgrade your education, go to a gym, etc. find something that will improve you. 

Your ex is a womanizer. You are much better off without that in your life. You had no future there.
You probably rebounded to quickly with the last guy. If he's an alcoholic no big loss.

Concentrate on taking control of your own life.

Do you have children? Age? Time married? Etc 

You will get a lot of support and help. More details will help others help you.


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## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

I am on Lexapro and Klonopin, Lexapro for depression and anxiety, Klonopin for those days like today.

We were married 14+ years, my son just turned 14 a couple weeks ago. He's my only son. 

The alcoholic BF is probably who I am grieving over and I don't know why.. so in return, it's making me recall or remember my ex's loss, which was so painful, I don't want to end up there again.

This alcoholic guy, has sent me an email today telling me - he quit drinking, and he doesn't need a doctor or medicine or AA to stop. He will stop on his own. Of course, he said "I've not had one all day" - which tells me, he just started this process... and will likely fail it - but, my mind is telling me... Oh hell, he quit - now he will go back to what he was like, and I'm missing out. But, I need to stop being such a push over. Thats what it is. I'm sure someone who drinks like he did, can't just stop.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Lost40, I have been in your shoes. I do not wish it anyone and I feel very badly for you. First off, whether you realize it or not - you are making progress. I didn't see it at first either, but the fact that you don't want to bother anyone with your problems is actually the fist step in getting past it. I didn't want to be a bother or a burden on my friends and family after a while also. Being along with my thoughts I thought I would go completely nuts. Instead I started taking my fears and anxieties apart, trying to figure them out and finding out why I was still having them. In the process I came to realize that almost all of them came from a position of just wanting to be rescued (something you have expressed in your post). I finally read something that made absolute sense to me. You may not like what you are about to read, but it is the truth - nobody is coming to save you, you have to save yourself.
You have already taken the first step, keep on putting one foot in front of the other. You can and will make it through this.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

The trouble with doing the right and emotionally healthy thing, is that we suffer for it in the short term, and the real results come much later. 

I usually clean, bake, garden or go for a long walk, or work (making money is good 'revenge' and is an easy way to restore relative power since it makes you more independent)...if I get to feeling like that...i.e. being 'punished' for holding onto solid ground.

You'll encounter lots of times like this in life. Practice coping makes perfect.
See, the problems never go away, because there will always be people throwing monkey wrenches into your life. It's not realistic to always expect to steer clear of this. Therapy doesn't make problems go away, it (and Rx) helps you train your neural system to respond in a way that's less damaging and intrusive to your life. The discovery-action-recovery cycle becomes easier, sometimes so much so it's just a small blip on the radar screen.

Talking does help, but change the story...tell yourself how well you cope, how you do constructive things and take care of yourself when you're feeling stressed, and just start small doing one tiny thing of self-care. Your nails, organize your closet, mend an article of clothing, make a healthy lunch for tomorrow (when you open it you'll remember how much you cared to make it...) 

Self-trust is very valuable, or at least that's what I read on a tea bag today.

I agree entirely too with other poster. You have no way of knowing what's really going on in anyone else's private life. It may look nice from your perspective, but you just can't know.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lost40 said:


> No, that is why I'm in such a bad place right now. My parents have their own issues (my dad recently dx w/ Cancer), my sister is out of town, my best friend who I trust is preparing for her first day on new job tomorrow. I don't want to interrupt any of them.
> 
> thankfully I see my therapist tomorrow but the problem is, how many times do I have to see him before I see a change. I've been going to him since August 2014, weekly.


Since there is no one right now who can be with you, I'm going to suggest a book that I think will help pull you out of this. I could be the bridge that also helps your counseling work more for you. The work of therapy/counseling does not happen during the sessions. It happens between the sessions.

The book is Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy  by David D. Burns M.D. 

My suggestion is that you down load the books, start reading and doing to work it suggests.


.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

You are going through a hard time, so I hope you can handle what I am going to say. You need to stop relying on crutches. Therapists and medications and friends to lean on ... That shouldn't go on for years. Those are short term to get you through, but you need to find your inner strength. It's there, trust me. Until you trust in yourself to get you through, you will find yourself here again and again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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