# I've had enough of this mess! bio father must go!!!!



## back2whoiwas (Oct 22, 2012)

I have a beautiful 3 yr. old son who keeps me as busy as if I were to have had two children. His father (my husband in the legal meaning of it all) spoils him by letting him do and get whatever our son wants. I have sought to plead with my husband on tihis matter, still no change. I have sought spiritual intervention--nothing. He makes reference to my spanking my son to discipline him as "hitting him." Actually he, father/hubby has made all this possible. He even used to want my son to come to him and not to me saying that I only provide the milk for him (when he was breastfed before being weaned). I seriously feel that, unless my husband changes, that my son could end up in the legal system or worse. I would rather that husband LEAVE before any such thing should happen!!!! But I'm not going to let my son go to HELL!!!! I'm really angry concerning this


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

There are plent of kids who turn out bad after being rasied by good parents and plenty of kids who turn out good after being rasied by bad parents. You really have no way of knowing how your son will turn out.

Parent's have to accept and compromse and awful lot in order to raise a chld together.

The best thing for a child is to be raised in an intact home... And you seem to have little respect for your husband. To me that is the most glaring problem from what you have posted.


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## back2whoiwas (Oct 22, 2012)

@ Hicks: I read your reply and eryour input dear sister/brother. I can't help but agree with you on the fact that a child must be raised in an intact home. Yes, that is true. Under normal circumstances. At the same time I disagree with you on the same issue when it comes down to one of the parents, my husband in this case, who doesn't seem to want to be on the same page when it comes to rearing our child. Children can also turn out well from a broken home, too. I'm a prime example. And, yes, I do not have much respect for my husband. How can I? He goes what my convictions are in raising my son. And undoes everything I'm trying to teach him. It's not about MY WAY, but it has a lot to do with his lack of understanding in raising children.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Respectfully, I think keeping an intact home just for the kids is not a good idea.

Kids are smart. They notice things. When mommy and daddy always fights, or mommy seems to get mad at daddy all the time. Or when daddy says mean things to mommy. It affects them. ESPECIALLY when they are young and forming their ideas about life and love and the world.

You two sound like you have very different parenting styles (putting it lightly). It also sounds like he wants his son to be "his" child because he's a boy. You two really need to talk about that and set down some ground rules, at a time when one or the other of you isn't disciplining him. Present a united front to your child, even if you don't agree, because otherwise they learn that they can divide you and that's no good.

I would recommend (if you are interested) MC for the two of you; you need to re-establish your respect for your husband, and he needs to for you as well. Him saying that you are just a vessel for milk is NOT acceptable and is a horrible way to think of his wife and the mother of his child. I also think that a "baby boot camp" or a parenting class might not be a bad idea. It's not saying you are bad parents, but rather you're looking at other methods to parent.

This is if you want to stay with him, of course. It sounds like you may be leaning towards separation, in which case my advice isn't very helpful  Good luck!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Have you tried marriage counseling with H? There may be compromises to be made. It sounds like you think your way is the only way.... just as H does. 

OTOH... if there is no mutual respect, regarding the child or just in general.... then why bother with being married? Why sit around wishing H would leave?

If you feel that strongly, then YOU leave. You will still share the child, H will still have fatherly input....It makes me wonder if it's better for the child to be divided between single parent homes or to live with both parents in a disrespectful atmosphere. I'm leaning toward the first.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I can see why you are loosing respect for your husband. Not only the way he parents but the way he belittles you. This isn't just a parenting problem, you have a marriage problem and you do need to seek counseling.

Ask your husband,
Why is he trying to one-up you? Is he so insecure that he is willing to sacrifice your marriage for total dominance of the child's love? Does he not think that the child can love both of you? Does he think the child won't love him if he is a dad instead of a friend?

As you contemplate leaving keep in mind that even though you and your child won't be living with his dad any more, your child will be with him for visitations and you won't be there. Any influence your husband will have at those times will be without you there to regulate things. If he is trying to turn the child against you now, I hate to think what he will be capable of when he has the child on his own.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

People have different views on spanking. I think the two of you should talk, exchange ideas and try to reach some agreement. Do note that requires some flexibility from you also.


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