# I feel i is hopeless.



## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

I have been married to my husband for around 18 years now when we got together everything was good.I was married once before had a daughter her father never really tried to be in her life and she started calling him dad.I thought it was good everyone needs someone to call dad they had been always close eventually him and I had 2 children of our own.
I was the stay at home mother who cooked cleaned had a hot dinner waiting for him after work and a spotless house except for a few toys here and there the kids played with.I enjoyed every min of it and loved it very much.
A few years went by I started seeing a different side of him.To look in his eyes at times was dark and kind of scary.I learned to avoid him when I would see it.Not that he ever hit me or anything but his moods would just change.I always thought there was something he was keeping from me hiding I never asked him I chose to just stay out of it.
The first time I seen a dramatic change in his behavior was when he would tell me he was going for milk the gas station he would go to would be 5 blocks away but on Sundays it would take him 4 to 6 hours to get it.When he would come back I would ask him were he had been he would say getting milk.I never believed him there was no way it should have taken him even a half hour .I just told myself he needed time with his friends and was too scared to say anything.I needed to believe it cause the other option I had I didn't like.
A few years later we decided to get a computer I thought would be ok I loved playing games on them.We got our computer he would be on it well into the night at first it didn't bother me until he would find every excuse to not be with me.I would beg him to come to bed he would have any excuse not to leave the comp at times I would walk downstairs in the middle of the night to get a drink of water .He would be at the comp yelling at me to get out.
Once I pretended to be asleep on the couch the computer was facing opposite direction of me.I could see the screen and he was on it.I could read some of what he was writing.I seen the words she is sound asleep she can't see what is going on.
I am thinking what is he up too?Soon they had turned their cam on and he turned his on.I could see her on cam with a friend or lover whatever it was dunno It was pretty gross .
Soon it was all about the computer I would go downstairs and he would be pulling his pants up as fast as he could.Then I started noticing my worst fears.Letters to men conversations accidently left open.I needed to know what was going on so I hacked into his yahoo.I was shocked about what I had seen I confronted him about being gay he said he just enjoyed talking to them and it was nothing more.
I am not dumb why would you talk sex with someone if you were not interested?I tried to kick him out my youngest was crying I could not do that too her.We decided to work on our marriage.It worked out for awhile.
Soon though he would change again he would become very disrespectful towards me .He would make very imberrissing sexual jokes about me to other people it was not funny in any way it was very degrading and intentionaly hurtful just hearing it would make me want to vomit.I would talk to him tell him how bad what he said was hurting me and how sometimes it would make me cry.He didn't care and would say I was being over sensitive.I can joke with the best of them but these weren't jokes.
Last year I was attacked I won't go into detail I don't think this is the place to do it but it has takin a lot from me emotionally physically mentally.I do not dare go to him for comfort or support he looks at me with so much hate any healing I have done I had to do without any support from him.
For awhile now we have been sleeping in separate rooms.I just cannot stand to be around him judging me.He told me once that I probably deserved what had happened to me.
His attitude towards me has gotten to be cruel he tries to tear me down any chance he gets.He told me a few months ago he was bi but he still wants to stay married .I think he is using me to hide the fact he is.
The truth is I have always been a stay at home mother always took care of everyone .I have no skills with jobs.I would love to leave if I could start getting my life back on track.I need to learn how, do not know where to start.Heck at this point I would even go into housing something to help me get on my feet till I knew how to do it all myself.I am sorry this letter is so long and I cannot write worth a darn thanks for takin the time to read it.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Sound like you got married to a fraud. You have two choices: accept it or divorce him. I understand your concerns about being on your own. If you choose to divorce, a good attorney will go a long way to see you get the support you are due. Remember it is always darkest before the dawn. I wish you the best.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You husband is being emotionally and verbally abusive. Call a women's shelter near you and ask about skills assessment and help with job placement. It sounds as if your kids are at least school aged, right? Lots of times schools will hire people for help, so also check with the guidance counselor in your child's schools. Go to your church and ask about help finding a job or help getting some skills upgraded to find a job.

I know this is scary, thinking about leaving the hell you know for the unknown. But many women find that once they've started networking, as I've described above, their fear becomes much less. Once you take a few steps looking into your options, taking a few steps more won't be so scary.

You do not deserve to be treated like this. I think your husband is on the D-low and he's purposely scaring you to keep you down so you won't out him. But you have so much more on him than you realize. Fella is into men so he puts his woman down so she won't let his secret out...old news. Don't let him do that to you!


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

Thank you both for taking the time to read my thread Aanon Thanks for the helpful suggestions I will look into it I am ready to move on start over get a fresh start take care of my children.
I am actually getting kind of excited thinking about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Snickers,

How old are you? 
How old are your children?

Have you looked into divorce laws in your state?

In many states, since you are in a long-term marriage you would get spousal support… at least rehabilitative support for several years, if not very long term support. You would also most likely get 50% of all assets. You could ask for a court order allowing you to stay in your house until your children are all 18. Then it could be sold and you & your husband split the equity 50/50.

Have you considered going back to school to get some kind of skills training or degree? Depending on your income level, you might qualify for federal and state financial aid. There are also scholarships and grants for displaces homemakers.

So what kind of things would you like to do as a career or job?


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

Hi Elegirl sorry took me so long to reply been battling pneumonia I will be looking into all that real soon.I told him last night after Christmas I want a divorce I am going to start putting back money to live on for awhile but I will check into everything. Thanks for your helpful comment I have an 21 year old girl who is mentally challenged by my first marriage she will always need her parents to help her she basically lives with her dad now but she stays with me for long periods of time.With my second husband whom I am married to now we have 2 .One is in college the second is only 11.


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