# Does your husband check the receipt?



## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

I'd been irritated at my husband, but today was the day I suddenly felt like screaming at him. 

I went to the supermarket to buy some foodstuffs, and I showed the receipt to him. He started to check every single item which I bought, and we collated each item with the receipt as usual, but this moment always makes me lose my self-respect... And then, he dropped the fractions and gave me money back. I know that I have to be thankful to him for supporting me because I don't work anymore since I got married with him. We just got married 6 months ago; nevertheless, I feel a lot of stress building up living with him. 

My stress is not accumulating only because of this issue. It's also his way of teasing that is the problem. According to him, most American husbands make fun of their wives, so he believes that he never hurt my feeling.... 

He thinks that it's really funny to say like these... "My wife spends all of my money for shopping." "I became poor because of my mean old wife." "I have to ship my wife to her father." ....etc. 

And also, he likes to speak ill of my bodily shape, but he always excuses that he just plays a joke on me because he doesn't have any evil feelings. But, ..he acts sardonic most of the time, so it's just like a verbal abuse for me because I've already asked him to stop, but he still continues.

Is his behavior normal as an American husband? Do I have to be accustomed to live like this?


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

oh hell no i hope he's not an average american male.

i'm an american male and i've never behaved the way your husband does.

he sounds cruel and controlling.

no he IS cruel and controlling.

your story is legion 

i don't understand why women just give in and put up with such abusive behaviour

why do you think it's ok for your hub to check your grocery receipt

why is that ever acceptable

and even if his behaviour were 'normal' which i have to believe please god it's not

why would it still be okay with you

he belittles you

insults you

tells you that's the way the world is

tells you thats what men do

do you think that's the way the world is

come on you know that's not true

please take what i said in the spirit it is intended

the spirit of compassion and helpfulness

and keep posting 

it could be the beginning of amazing change


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Oddly, our therapist suggested we save and review each other's receipts, because we are arguing about who is not saving money. This has helped me monitor my spending, but Hubby refused to cooperate. He disagrees on the reason we are saving receipts, he has never allowed me to see his receipts.

In your case, the marriage seems very new, and you two have not learned each other's quirks yet. I also hate when my husband jokes or teases, but he claims it is his personality. If one partner is laughing, and the other one is hurt, that is not being respectful or considerate of your spouse. Being American or from overseas is absoulutely no excuse for any behavior, let alone one that can really damage an equal marriage. 

Welcome to the forum, good luck.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

about the shopping. Maybe there is a reason he is doing this? your young ? and don't know how to shop ?
Some people don't and end up spending double for groceries because they don't shop seasonal produce and sales.
???
If this is not the case and he is trying to show you how to save big money and make better choices about food shopping...
he is just being petty and ridiculous/ controlling.


I shop well.... it is a skill. I use coupons and discounts, I do this with groceries and other types of shopping.
I went to buy some clothing at end of summer sales... spent 30 dollars and got 7 artilces of clothing, saving 300 dollars in the end, which the reciept reflects.
I like to show my husband the reciepts !!!! I get 75 dollar shoes for 4.99 because I know when tyo shop and use discounts and store coupons.
haha.

My suggestion to you is to find out why he does this...
is it to help or be critical?
Once you know ... for sure, then you can decide what to do about it but don't let your ego stand in the way because he may be trying to help. Make sure of his intent before reacting.

best wishes 
ps.. no its not normal for a husband to make fun of his wifes shape.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with the other posters. His behavior needs to improve or you may want to walk away. Next time let him do the shopping. Since he wants to scrutinize the receipts that closely, it would be easier on everyone for him to do the shopping.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

827Aug said:


> I agree with the other posters. His behavior needs to improve or you may want to walk away. Next time let him do the shopping. Since he wants to scrutinize the receipts that closely, it would be easier on everyone for him to do the shopping.


Thats a great idea and the best solution !!!!
:iagree:


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I take it that you are not from America, correct?

This not normal behavior. He is trying to justify his rude behavior. How well did you know this man before you married him?

If he is checking your receipts to help you learn to shop more wisely, then I wouldn't worry about it. If he is doing it to control you, then don't allow it. Try shopping together, maybe that would help.

As for the jokes about you. That is not normal either. It is not normal to intenionally hurt your spouse's feelings.

Tell your husband that your heard it was normal for wives to point and laugh at their husband's penises.....see if he finds that funny.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I probably shouldn't have said that last thing, huh?


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

I agree with the above posts. The behaviour is not normal. My H and I go to the groceries together, but he has no problem with me going and spending for whatever it needs to be bought, he goes because he wants to go, I even send him with a list in hand all be himself when I am not in the mood. But then are accounts are joint and he has no saying. My H likes going shopping with the girls and me also, but not to control us, but to see what the kids are digging this days and give his opinion when they choose something that he feels is inappropriate. Like to do for time together not to control the spending, yes he might complain on how expensive the things are, but not because I am choosing them just because they are.

Like 827Aug said, Your H is just been controlling and it has to stop, next time ask him for the money ahead of time or just invite him to come with you, *or even better tell him that since he has so much faith on your shopping that from now on he can go and do it himself*, if he needs a list then make him one and send him on his way.

As for the way he insults you for you body, that is *verbal abuse*, do a research and you will see, he might not thingk so but it is, my H was doing the same thing until I actually acussed him of "Verbally abusing me", he actually stop on his tracks, analyze what I was saying and realized that it was right and believe or not he stopped, after he saw how much it was hurting my feelings and our marriage. If you H does not want to believe you then give him prove, you can print it from the internet and have him scrutinized the same way he does the receipts. Stand you ground and get the habits to drop or your life and marriage will be miserable, I am speaking from experience.

Good Luck


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

scarletblue said:


> I probably shouldn't have said that last thing, huh?


LOL...now thats not funny. But it would make it even. I swear, if you do that just ONE time...he'll remember it for the rest of his life. I've been trying to think of the gender specific opposite to that. But they just dont have the same bite. Wow, your boobs are tiny. or DAMN! Thats the biggest vagina I've ever seen! I dont think this is helping.


Anyway, to the OP : I dont know how or when you got married. It seems like you are from another country and married this guy and he brought you here. If this is the case, I can tell you this is not normal husband behaviour. People who treat others the way your husband treats you are trying to control you. Try to tell him in a non-accusing manner that when he does X or says Y, it really hurts your feelings. If he loves you, he'll stop. If he doesnt stop...then you have your answer.



John


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> LOL...now thats not funny. But it would make it even. I swear, if you do that just ONE time...he'll remember it for the rest of his life. I've been trying to think of the gender specific opposite to that. But they just dont have the same bite. Wow, your boobs are tiny. or DAMN! Thats the biggest vagina I've ever seen! I dont think this is helping.


:rofl:


I'm all for scarlet's suggestion.


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## aurorazz (Aug 11, 2009)

If I understand this right, this is the first time it happens after you have married for 6 months. I think you should not take this too personal. You are still very new in your married life. You are going experience a lot of issues of living a life together. Both of you will need to find a mutually agreeable arrangement together on different issues over and over again.

What does he do exactly when he "check" the receipt? Does he add up the total and reimburse you? Or does he scruntize every single item? Does he object to some purchases you made?

I have to disagree with most other response about this is not normal behavior. The normal practice of an average American male does not mean it is good. Perhaps an average American wouldn't care less about the spending and racking up credit card debt. You will then end up with a problem of different kind. You should find what works for you, not what other people are doing.

When you are married, he give up some of control of his finances. This is part of being married and I think both of you should understand. But where does the new line of control stand is different from couple to couple. This is a frequent source of conflict. If he want to be more involved in the budgeting and spending you may find him too controlling. If give he up most of the control he may resent about the wife spending all his money.

Close scruntization on every single items is almost never a workable arrangement. Few people can stand this sort of micromanagement. One of the best way to handle this is to establish a clear budget. Let's say you do most of the shopping. Both of you should come up with a monthly budget, say $500. Every month he should hand you the cash and trust you to spend within the mean. Then he can have some control on the overall budget and you will have the freedom to do what you want without him overlooking your shoulder.


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## Catholic_RN (Aug 10, 2009)

lluvian9 said:


> I'd been irritated at my husband, but today was the day I suddenly felt like screaming at him.
> 
> I went to the supermarket to buy some foodstuffs, and I showed the receipt to him. He started to check every single item which I bought, and we collated each item with the reciept as usual, but this moment always makes me lose my self-respect... And then, he dropped the fractions and gave me money back. I know that I have to be thankful to him for supporting me because I don't work anymore since I got married with him. We just got married 6 months ago; nevertheless, I feel a lot of stress builing up living with him.
> 
> ...


My wife would kill me in my sleep if I said something like that. She is a stay at home mom and I do try to keep us on budget with groceries, try being the key word. If he is complaining about money tell him your going back to work. The one time I did she said she would get a job and I shut my mouth.


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## aurorazz (Aug 11, 2009)

Catholic_RN said:


> If he is complaining about money tell him your going back to work. The one time I did she said she would get a job and I shut my mouth.


I don't think simply shutting the other party up like this is a good idea. If he wants to know you should try the best find an acceptable way to accomodate this. If you just shut him up it will create resentment at best.


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

recent_cloud said:


> all comments


I felt better to read your words, and you saved my heavy feeling.

Thank you


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

Sensitive said:


> I also hate when my husband jokes or teases, but he claims it is his personality..


Did your husband stop teasing you after you accuse? 
My husband told me that teasing is his pesonality, so he needs time to fix it even though I hate to be teased all the time.

Thank you


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

The only American men who treat their wives that way are divorced American men. 

He is being cruel. That is called a "jerk" in American language.

Let me give you a "tip". There are SOME (you good guys on here, please do not think I am speaking you, if you are married to a non-American female) American males who look to foreign born women for marriage because they can't "handle" American women standing up for themselves as equal partners in a marriage. My brother in law is one such American male. He married a Korean woman and now he is finding his Korean wife is much more determined than he ever could believe.

LOL.


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

preso said:


> My suggestion to you is to find out why he does this... is it to help or be critical?


I don't know the exact reason why he does this to me..., but he is also strict with himself on money. 

P.S. We are not a young couple.

Thank you


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

827Aug said:


> I agree with the other posters. His behavior needs to improve or you may want to walk away. Next time let him do the shopping. Since he wants to scrutinize the receipts that closely, it would be easier on everyone for him to do the shopping.


I agree with you. 
Basically, it's his role to go to the supermarket to buy food.
He doesn't entrust me with shopping at grocery store.
Thank you


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

scarletblue said:


> Tell your husband that your heard it was normal for wives to point and laugh at their husband's penises.....see if he finds that funny.


I really want to say it in real. I've already laught at his pexxx in the dream:sleeping:, and he looked dumbfounded. 
He used to love to make fun of my boobs..., so I've been determined to get revenge.
Thank you


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

LaBella said:


> As for the way he insults you for you body, that is *verbal abuse*, do a research and you will see, he might not thingk so but it is, my H was doing the same thing until I actually acussed him of "Verbally abusing me", he actually stop on his tracks, analyze what I was saying and realized that it was right and believe or not he stopped, after he saw how much it was hurting my feelings and our marriage. If you H does not want to believe you then give him prove, you can print it from the internet and have him scrutinized the same way he does the receipts. Stand you ground and get the habits to drop or your life and marriage will be miserable, I am speaking from experience.Good Luck


:iagree:
I will try your advice. It seems likely to be quite effective!
I've been struggled with his bad habit for a long time. He becomes very annoying if once he starts to tease me.

He often makes fun of me even at the checkout counter when he finishes the payment.
"I became poor because my mean wife spent a lot."....he thinks that he's so cute to say it to the cashier woman.
I really don't know why he always jokes around; in fact, I am trying to be careful with money since I got married with him.
Contrary to my life before, I obviously lead a very frugal life right now even if he is NOT poor. 

Thank you so much:flowerkitty:


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Anyway, to the OP : I dont know how or when you got married. It seems like you are from another country and married this guy and he brought you here. If this is the case, I can tell you this is not normal husband behaviour. People who treat others the way your husband treats you are trying to control you. Try to tell him in a non-accusing manner that when he does X or says Y, it really hurts your feelings. If he loves you, he'll stop. If he doesnt stop...then you have your answer. John


I feel much better with hearing it. I was wondering whether I always take his jokes wrong or not...
Thank you


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

aurorazz said:


> I think you should not take this too personal. You are still very new in your married life. You are going experience a lot of issues of living a life together. Both of you will need to find a mutually agreeable arrangement together on different issues over and over again..


You are right. We have a lot of things to work together. Actually, I learned something from my husband. 
He likes to be tight-fisted and I am just the opposite. I hate for cheapskate in my entire life, but now I am thinking that it's also necessary to be strict on money in this bad economy.
I hope that he would understand my view of point. 
Thank you


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

Catholic_RN said:


> My wife would kill me in my sleep if I said something like that. She is a stay at home mom and I do try to keep us on budget with groceries, try being the key word. If he is complaining about money tell him your going back to work. The one time I did she said she would get a job and I shut my mouth.


Thank you:smthumbup:


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## lluvian9 (Aug 14, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> The only American men who treat their wives that way are divorced American men.
> 
> He is being cruel. That is called a "jerk" in American language.
> 
> Let me give you a "tip". There are SOME (you good guys on here, please do not think I am speaking you, if you are married to a non-American female) American males who look to foreign born women for marriage because they can't "handle" American women standing up for themselves as equal partners in a marriage. My brother in law is one such American male. He married a Korean woman and now he is finding his Korean wife is much more determined than he ever could believe.LOL.


I thought about it. Some of my friends also warned me before I decided to get married.
Why can't that kind of guys "handle" American women?

Thank you

Thank you everyone! Good night! :catfly:


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

lluvian9 said:


> :iagree:
> I will try your advice. It seems likely to be quite effective!
> I've been struggled with his bad habit for a long time. He becomes very annoying if once he starts to tease me.
> 
> ...


You might have been frugal before the marriage, but he knew that of you, and he married you anyways. You H sounds a lot like mine (and mine is not American but Hispanic), they married us thinking that we can change to what THEIR EXPECTATIONS of us are, not for who we are. Stand your ground tell him that when he married you he knew who and what you are, and that he has to accept you for YOU, not who he wants you to be. He married YOU, not what he THOUGHT you could become after he tries to mold you to his way of doing things. A leopard cannot change his spots.

Seriously, tell him, you cannot and will not change your personality jsut because he does not want you to have it, he married you the way you are not the way he wants you to be. Also tell him very honestly that his jokes are not funny, they are hurting your feelings and self esteem and that is call abuse, see if he chagnes his tune.

Good luck


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## valium (Sep 22, 2008)

My H and I have had a bad time, in the past he has checked receipts but will not do the shopping, recently started checking my mobile phone and sorting the mileage gage on my car so he knew how many miles I had done! This has all now stopped as two weeks ago I told him I was not wanting him there any longer and would be happy just me and the kids. One of his concerns was money in general but I have not got that among others things sorted out with him and told him if he goes back to his old ways I will not be with him any more and he can either leave or I will find somewhere for me and the kids.

Do not let him do this to you now and it will only get worse.

I work full time as well but my H always spent a lot more on himself than the rest of us - not good enough.

It may be an idea for you to work even part time and have a bit of life for yourself. If he does not like the idea what about sorting out a budget for you to include the basic shopping but he cannot question you on what you do with it. He H was always moaning there was nothing in the fridge a few says after doing the big shopping, now there is always something in the fridge and my shopping is a bit cheaper as I watch more what I am buying.

It starts with innocent things but just be carefull.


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