# Filing Friday...im dead inside PLEASE HELP WITH RESPONSES



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

We are filing Friday. We are doing it together becuase as she said it speeds up the process then we are going to lunch. Life is with her as I know to love is over. Im in so much pain right now. I could sleep for days. I am staying off Facebook and going NC as of Friday with her. We have a house lease to maintain till June. Im in the house, we are splitting the finances till then. I am emailing our budget once a month to her nothing more. I heart is broken my feelings are pouring out like a fire hydrant. I feel dead inside. I have two boys to raise and work that is where my focus will be. She wants to stay in contact with the boys as long as they want so far she has seen them twice. I am no longer asking my boys to keep in touch with her if they want to or she reaches out then we will see. Im cutting all ties I can with her till I move out in June. Then we will see where the path goes. I want to stay friends she has agreed to FB friends at the least for now and nothing more. Im going dark and going 180 plan, I plan to say see you around as we depart on friday. I swung for the fence for a month to win her back and nothing worked. Its over, i will take it one day at a time and go from there. I have no hope for a reconcilation she does not see it in the cards. Ive lost the greatest woman in the world and the best mother who was legally a step to my kids. I was co dependent she was independent, I wanted so hard to be on her page but I was always in another book. She tried so hard to help and fix us for 9 years I just never thought she would leave. Will she did and im lost, im in a dark cave im in pain, i think about her all day long all night long. My only solidarity is when I sleep. So i sleep as much as i can. I work nights so my mind wonders. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and everything return to what it was but we get help and all is well. But that will not happen. She was my soulmate, my dream, my love. Now she is gone for good.We had great times but the bad weighed us down and sunk the ship. She wanted to leave a few years back but pumped all she had till the end, she even comforted me through the end. But after a month of begging, pleading,crying i just pushed her right over to the point of no return. All I see on Facebook is how happy she is which I im glad she is free. But it kills me inside to know what I did to her for 9 years. I reconciled all my photos on facebook last night and hid them to only where I can see them along with her and the kids. The book is closed and on the top shelf out of reach. Im a shell of a person everyday is just motions. Ive gone back to the gym as much as I can. I have lost 35 lbs in one month and drop at least one a day. I rarley smile, laugh I just am here. A pulse beats but I feel numb at times, sad, angry, depressed, accepted, shock. Im all over the place. I thought I was finally good today then bam. Right back to square one.We met up last friday to have a beer and she was awkard the whole time but we hugged at the end at that was the last I saw or heard of her minus some buissness items via text. I just want the pain to end. Every day a new pic is posted on FB smiles and all. Going out with friends every weekend and almost every night. Then low and behold Last night I was on Facebook and a mutal friend of ours has a male friend a few hours away and all of the sudden her last few pics and posts he liked. Ironically she is going to visit this friend in 2 weeks. I was furious.....

This was my final email to her yesterday with no response. ................................................................................................................................................



This letter I have been working on for a couple of weeks. I did not want to send it till the right time, I needed to be in a certain place to do it. The final stage im battiling is remorse for taking away your happiness and forcing a spirit change from you. In the times we met since we departed and pictures ive seen. You look so happy! I know its geniune and you look like the burden has been released that weighed you down for so long.I know an apologize is not neccessary by your side at this point. I also know you leaving was even a tougher decision and any pain you may have from that I wish to take it away. I dont blame you honestly I would have to. You stayed around longer than anyone would of and the boys and I can only be grateful for it. The joy, love, happiness, and life you bought to us is irrepaceable. There will be so many traits, and life priorities you taught us that will be forever engrained and utilized. I will be forever thankful for you and your love to me, the boys, our family. I have regret but im not utilizing that dark feeling, im cherishing the happy memories we created and utilizing those as one my tools in life. As my grandma says "your mind rules your body". There is so much belief and life value I learned being with you. You are a one of a kind, I would compare you to my Father as you know I hold him in the same regard. I strive to be like you both and one day I will be there, you will see it in person or over facebook or hear about it. I will only have you to thank for guiding me there and I will make the path. Even through the end you comforted me most people would have left with no care, not you instead you stood by my side one more time with no hesitation. Only a great human can do that. You being happy is making me find my happy place yeah not with you, but that Will make me stronger forever. You gave me the gift of life, It was there but you showed it to me. My final gift to you is a small token I wish I could do so much more but next week $25 will be put into savings for a pedicure one where on a long day you can soak feet and be taken care of with no bother. I will always love you and cherish my life I had with you with no regrets


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I'm sorry for your pain. I more than understand what loss like this feels like. The weight loss, the wanting to sleep all the time. I was there myself not too long ago. It's horrible.

That being said, after reading your post I can tell you that you are not helping yourself at all. You need to go dark, no contact. You need to implement 180 immediately. That is for your own sake. You need to protect yourself, you are still way too wrapped up in her.

Enough with Facebook. Delete her, block her. You cannot stay friends with her there, it's torture for you. What are you going to do, sit there and watch her life go on? Come on, you need to start your own life now and remaining friends with her there will prevent you from doing this. 

As for that email - stop sending them. Stop professing your love for her. It's doing nothing but hurting you. You need to begin to love and respect yourself more. You are putting her on a pedestal. Stop it. Think about you and your children now.

You really want her to take notice? Change the way you are handling yourself right now. She's not impressed with your professions of love to her. You are driving her right away. 

If you go dark, start taking care of yourself, put you and your kids first you may find a whole new you in there. You are co dependant, you have admitted that. You need to change that. You need to learn to be happy with yourself and realize you have your own value and self worth.

And really, sending her money for a pedicure? No, use that money on you and your kids to do something nice for yourselves.

How old are your boys?


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

13 and 12


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

They are at an age where they need you to be strong for them. Think of that. It's time for you to worry and focus on them and yourself. 

Take the focus off of her.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If I was in your shoes I would be thinking of all the reasons why it's best for her to go, and embracing the freedom that you will achieve once the divorce is finalised. Harden up mate!

I agree with smallsteps especially this:


> As for that email - stop sending them. Stop professing your love for her. It's doing nothing but hurting you. You need to begin to love and respect yourself more. You are putting her on a pedestal. Stop it. Think about you and your children now.
> 
> You really want her to take notice? Change the way you are handling yourself right now. She's not impressed with your professions of love to her. You are driving her right away.
> 
> ...


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> If I was in your shoes I would be thinking of all the reasons why it's best for her to go, and embracing the freedom that you will achieve once the divorce is finalised. Harden up mate!
> 
> I agree with smallsteps especially this:


Dad x 2
Do you get this advice? Do you see and understand that you sending this stuff to her and acting this way is pathetic? Because it is. 
You need to cut ties with her, rid yourself from her. I do not care how long she stuck around, truth is that your wife gave up on the marriage and unless you went outside of the marriage with another, were physically/emotionally abusive, or broke your vows to her, then she should have been standing there at the end when you finally came around to realize your mistakes.
She wasn't, she wants to be single and free, so leave her alone, and move on.


----------



## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

OP,
Dont do what you what you want to do!!!! No matter how much you are hurting right now. Listen to what these people are saying! These people have come before you. 

My hubs cheated on me, and even w that, the last thing I wanted, or needed, was a sufferring "victim" to take care of too!!! 

We all have been where you are, and all have done things that made our sitution even harder on ourseleves, and this clearly is what you are doing to yourself, as well, making yourself appear very,very unattractive to your stbxw.

~sammy


----------



## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

:-(


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

Well the 180 started last night. No calls text emails Facebook it's all shut down. I feel a small sense of relief thus far. I keep pumping in my head 180 180 180!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

DADX2 said:


> Well the 180 started last night. No calls text emails Facebook it's all shut down. I feel a small sense of relief thus far. I keep pumping in my head 180 180 180!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good, it really is for the best. It will help you to start to heal and get stronger. Focus on you and your children now. Do things to improve yourself. Read, join a gym, join a support group. 

Keep posting here and/or start keeping a journal for when you have an urge to contact her. Do your best to keep with the 180
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

We are meeting at court Friday. The original plan was to file and grab lunch( my idea she agreed). Well I confirmed the time to meet today and said lets just file and call it a day...I pulled out if lunch, I have nothing to say if I went. 180 motivated
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Dad ~

I feel your pain and please post here for comfort.
I agree with the rest......you are torturing yourself looking on Facebook. No contact is the way to go.
Good Luck.
Be strong for your sons.
VH


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Keep up the good work DADX2 
you are not alone, we all here for you.

If it makes you feel any better, I have been holding off on file because of the holidays (I found out I can do it myself so I don't have to save money to pay a lawyer). 
November Thanksgiving= cant ruin that for him (lame me)
December Christmas and his birthday= cant do that to him (lame me)

I may get very angry and file anyway. Don't know yet

But Stay strong!!


----------



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

DADX2 said:


> We are meeting at court Friday. The original plan was to file and grab lunch( my idea she agreed). Well I confirmed the time to meet today and said lets just file and call it a day...I pulled out if lunch, I have nothing to say if I went. 180 motivated
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well done, keep it up.


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

The only thing I did wrong was smother her and was insecure. Girls nights etc was usually always a fight, I was cheated on my first marriage so I drug into my second and held on everytime I thought she was slipping. She asked for me to changes several times it would last only temp. She blames herself for not taking20s a firmer stance with me. RIght before we split she uttered the words mid life crisis she lost a ton of weight in 09 went back to school this year. I think a light went off in her head between the inconsistent changes and her mid life crisis. We met in her our early 20s and when she hit 30 I noticed some small crisis going on. Every bday since 30 was im not 30 im not 31 im not 32. Also she started talking to a co worker while I was at work I confronted her about it she said it was friendly because it was better to have a conversation with someone with no drama. So there is the short of why she left. Like I said I think she is dating or will be soon so whatever.


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Dad x 2
> Do you get this advice? Do you see and understand that you sending this stuff to her and acting this way is pathetic? Because it is.
> You need to cut ties with her, rid yourself from her. I do not care how long she stuck around, truth is that your wife gave up on the marriage and unless you went outside of the marriage with another, were physically/emotionally abusive, or broke your vows to her, then she should have been standing there at the end when you finally came around to realize your mistakes.
> She wasn't, she wants to be single and free, so leave her alone, and move on.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The only thing I did wrong was smother her and was insecure. Girls nights etc was usually always a fight, I was cheated on my first marriage so I drug into my second and held on everytime I thought she was slipping. She asked for me to change several times it would last only temp. She blames herself for not taking20s a firmer stance with me. RIght before she spilt a few days in a conversation she uttered the words mid life crisis she lost a ton of weight in 09 went back to school this year. I think a light went off in her head between the inconsistent changes and her mid life crisis. We met in her our early 20s and when she hit 30 I noticed some small crisis going on. Every bday since 30 was im not 30 im not 31 im not 32.So there is the short of why she left. Like I said I think she is dating or will be soon so whatever. My last post on FB was ..It's not who I am underneath... but what I *do*... that defines me. So I when I resurface I can back up my words once and for all and be who I set out to be for me.


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

When I texted her about confirming court I said I'll meet you file and no lunch like we agreed on. I said" I met you last Friday to bury the hatchet end it on a good note before we filed .Instead during this meet you decided to tell me I was manuplitave and their was motive behind meeting you. I said that pissed me off but I'm over it so until you see me in a different light talk or hang out only when necessary" which after Friday there is no reason till I move out in June to get the house ready to end the lease at which our financial ties will be cut for good. I said "I don't harbor hard feelings to you this is what's best."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

We need to follow each other's advice and let our stbxs go.
Let them go and move on. It is not healthy for us, it is not healthy for them either.

Wish them good riddance, good luck, and move on.

Time to be strong, time to do what was set in stone.
Yeah it hurts a lot, I know, I understand, but it will get better.


----------



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> We need to follow each other's advice and let our stbxs go.
> Let them go and move on. It is not healthy for us, it is not healthy for them either.
> 
> Wish them good riddance, good luck, and move on.
> ...


Im in time to turn cold be strong and go dark


----------

