# I tell him/ her everything....



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Its funny how people act shocked when I or gate say this. We get anything from accusations of the other being controlling to... "Well why would you do that? Its not his/her business...." Him and I are of the mind that it is our spouses business. After all we feel that there shouldnt be any secrets between life partners. I do wonder why people find it necessary to toss out things like being whipped or being controlled though. Considering we both do this of our own free will.... 

Then we are faced with people expecting us to act as if the other is not that important and we should make our spouse a last priority. This really bugs me because I can never do that so when people around me state that I should I ask why and all I get is.. "Well that is how its suppose to be..." 

I disagree with that. Does anyone else agree with that line of thinking? If so.. Why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I am with you Gaia. A solid marriage should be all in. When you share somethings with others, keeping your spouse out of it, this is when the marriage weakens.

The more a couple are on the same page, the stronger the marriage.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

On the "I tell him or her everything" I don't believe that works well for my marriage at all. I don't believe my husband needs to know EVERYTHING I'm thinking or doing. Its not about keeping secrets though it's about the wisdom to know when to use my lip breaks. LOL

I'm my first priority followed by my husband and then my kids. Those who don't agree with that are entitled to their own opinion but this works for me.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Im with you Gaia


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> On the "I tell him or her everything" I don't believe that works well for my marriage at all. I don't believe my husband needs to know EVERYTHING I'm thinking or doing. Its not about keeping secrets though it's about the wisdom to know when to use my lip breaks. LOL
> 
> I'm my first priority followed by my husband and then my kids. Those who don't agree with that are entitled to their own opinion but this works for me.


I agree here. Gaia, is there a direct linkage I'm not seeing?


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Gaia said:


> people find it necessary to toss out things like being whipped or being controlled though
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry for being dense but where exactly is the control here?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> On the "I tell him or her everything" I don't believe that works well for my marriage at all. I don't believe my husband needs to know EVERYTHING I'm thinking or doing. Its not about keeping secrets though it's about the wisdom to know when to use my lip breaks. LOL


I agree on thoughts and emotions, particularly as I am working through them. I have gotten angry before, only to work through that it was on me, so sharing that to early would have not worked well.

Actions I let her know, but more in a here was my day sort of thing.



> I'm my first priority followed by my husband and then my kids. Those who don't agree with that are entitled to their own opinion but this works for me.


As long as your husband knows, then I am glad that works for you two.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> As long as your husband knows, then I am glad that works for you two.


If I don't put myself and my needs first I become quite cranky and angry. By putting myself first I mean following the old expression put your oxygen mask on first. I make sure I work out, eat right, get plenty of rest, etc.

But yes my husband knows. He benefits from having a happy wife so he is all for me taking care of myself before attempting to take care of him. I can't give from an empty place.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I know what you're saying Gaia. People think you should keep things secret from Gate, but you don't. And because you don't, people assume he controls you or he is whipped. Yup! We get that, too lol. And I tell my friends that if you don't want him to know, don't tell me. When they tell me something, it is automatically assumed that my husband is the one person exempt from the "don't tell anyone" clause of secrets. We all agree that spouses are exempt from that. Anyway, people who don't have that kind of relationship, of the people around here anyway, are the ones who are shocked that we are so open. They can't comprehend such a relationship where a couple doesn't hide things from each other. That's just my experience though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok I was referring to things like.... 

"Hunny my co workers want to stop at this place before they bring me home.."

"Babe my mother called to bytch at me for not giving my brother money" 

When asked what I am doing ill tell him I am either posting, chatting with a friend, ect. Those sort of things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I know what you're saying Gaia. People think you should keep things secret from Gate, but you don't. And because you don't, people assume he controls you or he is whipped. Yup! We get that, too lol. And I tell my friends that if you don't want him to know, don't tell me. When they tell me something, it is automatically assumed that my husband is the one person exempt from the "don't tell anyone" clause of secrets. We all agree that spouses are exempt from that. Anyway, people who don't have that kind of relationship, of the people around here anyway, are the ones who are shocked that we are so open. They can't comprehend such a relationship where a couple doesn't hide things from each other. That's just my experience though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly! I mean I see the man everyday, we make love, fvck, argue, eat, fart around each other, ect so I see no reason not to be open with him. After all... He is the one I am closest too so he matters most to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ok I was referring to things like....
> 
> "Hunny my co workers want to stop at this place before they bring me home.."
> 
> ...


Married 21 years....just saying. 

#1 yes I'd tell my husband about unexpected, unplanned stops as a common courtesy to let him know I'll be late. No I don't tell him everywhere I go all the time. Not because I'm keeping secrets but because he really doesn't care. LOL

#2 My husband gets sick of hearing about family drama and he'd rather hear how hot I think he is. LOL So I pass on those type stories unless I can't deal with it on my own.

I do NOT share everything with my husband. I've seen that glazed look in his eyes enough to know what he finds interesting and what he doesn't.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm not married to my partner but I tell him EVERYTHING and he tells me EVERYTHING.

That's just the way it is.Neither person would tolerate less because that's not a relationship in our opinion.

If you are going to keep things to yourself,be single.It isn't about control or cracking the whip.

ugh gosh people are ridiculous sometimes with their petty judgments.Just because they're not in a healthy relationship where there are no secrets they feel the need to trample on people who are in a better place with their partner emotionally and most likely physically.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Gaia said:


> Its funny how people act shocked when I or gate say this. We get anything from accusations of the other being controlling to... "Well why would you do that? Its not his/her business...." Him and I are of the mind that it is our spouses business. After all we feel that there shouldnt be any secrets between life partners. I do wonder why people find it necessary to toss out things like being whipped or being controlled though. *Considering we both do this of our own free will.... *


 I call this a* giving/ willing Transparency *... for me & mine... we've been this way since our teens....yrs before we married.... We did get hung up on the sexual stuff (not talking openly) but outside of that issue (which was pretty damn important :banghead....we let it ALL spill.. opened it wide...nothing held back....

My husband has told me many times he loves this about me... the openness , the honesty, even if it's a little hard to take at times..he'd never trade it... And I prefer a man like that ...and who gives me this back in return, not under compulsion, but because ...well... we just enjoy BEING this way. 

One misconception I think many get is... this must mean that we are obsessive talkers... rattling on like the wind- sharing every blessed detail.... *NOT SO*.....

It just means we talk about the highlights... what I call the "Juicy stuff"...if it touched our







's ... we share it.... If we found something :rofl:, we share ...outrageous, maddening,  crazy, ridiculous... we share it. We like to bounce things off each other. Makes for some entertaining conversations -where otherwise we might be talking about rearranging the furniture. (BORING). 

One of my long winded threads was on this very issue >>  HERE 

I do feel though, that is takes 2 people who are like minded in this way ....Some are just geared more Private & would choose to







than to be this way....It's Ok... just marry someone who feels the same....being on the same page helps. 



> *Tall Average Guy said*: I agree on thoughts and emotions, particularly as I am working through them. I have gotten angry before, only to work through that it was on me, so sharing that to early would have not worked well.


My husband has never had to worry about this with me, I expect human nature to be what it is.... imperfect.. If I am angering him in some way, he knows I want him to bring that to me, actually I would be able to tell - by his demeanor... I am good for a little "digging" and he's told me that is good for him, he is more passive by nature, but loves the fact I care & want to know his inner thoughts... I know if I ask him a question, ANYTHING, I will get an "honest to a fault" answer -even if I may not like it. Wouldn't want it any other way. 



> *Gaia said:* Exactly! I mean I see the man everyday, we make love, fvck, argue, eat, fart around each other, ect so I see no reason not to be open with him. After all... He is the one I am closest too so he matters most to me.


 We're the same way but husband doesn't like the word Fvck... Couldn't help putting this on here >>


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Back when my marriage was seeing better days...yes, I told her everything like you. She didn't tell me everything but it wasn't because she was hiding things from me, she just doesn't think how her activities affect others. Like if she were going to be unusually late from work being stuck in heavy traffic, she wouldn't call me and let me know so I wouldn't worry.

Kind of like joint checking accounts....I don't see how a marriage can ever have trust when people tell me they have separate checking accounts. We shared everything.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Married 21 years....just saying.
> 
> #1 yes I'd tell my husband about unexpected, unplanned stops as a common courtesy to let him know I'll be late. No I don't tell him everywhere I go all the time. Not because I'm keeping secrets but because he really doesn't care. LOL
> 
> ...


I get that. But what I am trying to say is that I dont get why others would toss out the... "Oh he is controlling.. Your whipped" crap when I choose to let him know if there are any unplanned changes. Yes family drama gets old and we let each other know if we dont want to hear it at that time or things similar like work or friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Yea.... not far behind you, Mavash, at 12½ years. Just saying 
My parents have been married 39 years. They tell each other everything as well. I don't think it's a matter of length of time together as much as it is personality types. It works for some but not all, whether short or long marriage... just saying 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I do NOT share everything with my husband. I've seen that glazed look in his eyes enough to know what he finds interesting and what he doesn't.


Yes, I don't share everything but at the same it do not hide anything from her, no secrets. I don't know maybe I'm arguing semantics.

Just sayin' 20.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I get that. But what I am trying to say is that I dont get why others would toss out the... "Oh he is controlling.. Your whipped" crap when I choose to let him know if there are any unplanned changes. Yes family drama gets old and we let each other know if we dont want to hear it at that time or things similar like work or friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For the record we do tell each other most everything. I'm just playing devils advocate. I'd probably tell him my mother called to b!tch at me but then I'd drop it quickly and move onto something more pleasant because I don't want to talk about it. LOL

Usually when people say things like that its just them projecting or their jealous. In our case it's jealousy. I've heard that my husband has gotten comments about being 'whipped' for wanting to come home to me instead of going out with the guys. Those guys only wish they had someone as great as me to come home to. 

Yes I'm being snarky but my husband knows he's got a good thing and he doesn't care what others say or think about him. He's happy with me and that's all that matters.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I get that. But what I am trying to say is that I dont get why others would toss out the... "Oh he is controlling.. Your whipped" crap when I choose to let him know if there are any unplanned changes.


OK, the linkage, I see now. They are just wrong, I don't get that either. I don't know maybe I don't hear that anymore, when I was younger it would bother me or make me think. Now whatever, I know I'm doing what is right.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> *Mavash said:* I do NOT share everything with my husband. I've seen that glazed look in his eyes enough to know what he finds interesting and what he doesn't.


Ditto.

This is where I am as well. And my husband also gets that look if I've overshared something he could care less about. Le sigh.

I was LOL at your hubs listening to hear how hot he is... mine will let me go on for a good hour about him, but I try to limit my compliments to 30 second bursts every few days. I even bat my lashes now for that added effect.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I don't think it's a matter of length of time together as much as it is personality types. It works for some but not all, whether short or long marriage... just saying


I don't know, I alluded to this in my previous post. I wasn't always good at it. I don't think i was good at "whole marriage thing" at first. Probably at immature. I had to learn. The whole share everything was a big part of that.

ETA: "he's got a good thing and he doesn't care what others say or think about him.", exactly, took me a wile not to care what others think and in fact correct let them know.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think I'm just at that point in my life where even I'm bored with sharing all these meaningless details about my life with anyone much less the love of my life. I'd rather sit there for an hour and tell him how hot he is. That's way more fun than discussing a conversation I had with my mother.

To Gaia I know that wasn't the point of your thread I get it. I'm just middle aged and so kinda over this whole share everything mentality. Again no secrets...that's not what I mean.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I've never cared if people called me jealous or controlling or overbearing. If you don't like it, you don't have to talk to me. No secrets, no opposite sex friends, no GNO's or BNO's and no separate vacations/trips (except for business). This has been the basics of our marriage from day one. So far, so good.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Why does being courteous have to mean controlling or being whipped? Whomever throws those adjectives around because you're kind enough to tell your SO where you are at a given time needs a lesson in manners.

When you hear stuff like this Gaia, consider the source. Peel the layers back on their life a bit and you'll understand where these comments come from.


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

My husband is the only one I've ever been able to truly share everything with - he's the only person that hasn't gotten bored of me, or assumed I'd fail, or laughed at my embarrassing moments/secrets (okay he does, but not in a mean way). We're not over the novelty of that yet, so we love to share everything, even to a TMI degree. In 20 years, we might be different, because we'll already know everything about each other, but as long as we're both on the same page about our level of sharing/oversharing, it's fine by me. I'd hate to be in a TMI-stage when he's not lol.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok I should have titled the thread differently lol. No it wasnt meant to be... "Omg I burped and everyone gave me a funny look then my tummy growled and blah blah blah... "

What I meant by this thread was I like, want, enjoy letting my spouse know about things like unscheduled atops. I dont like people accusing me of "checking in to ok it with the boss" and I certainly dont like when people tell me I should act like he isnt important and I shouldnt give a damn about his thoughts, feelings, ect. 

I dont agree with that mentality and I hate when people harp on me for doing what I feel comfortable doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Ok I should have titled the thread differently lol. No it wasnt meant to be... "Omg I burped and everyone gave me a funny look then my tummy growled and blah blah blah... "
> 
> What I meant by this thread was I like, want, enjoy letting my spouse know about things like unscheduled atops. I dont like people accusing me of "checking in to ok it with the boss" and I certainly dont like when people tell me I should act like he isnt important and I shouldnt give a damn about his thoughts, feelings, ect.
> 
> ...


You shouldn't let it bother you Gaia. PEOPLE aren't in your relationship. It consists of you and him. That's it. What the two of you do is really your business.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> You shouldn't let it bother you Gaia. PEOPLE aren't in your relationship. It consists of you and him. That's it. What the two of you do is really your business.


This. There is no shortage of judgemental people out there. Had an aunt the other day lecture me on how I should deal with my sore throat. Huh? I'm 46 years old with 3 kids I think I can handle this. LOL

I just nodded my head then walked away with an attitude of 'whatever'.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok I have a major headache atm so going to log out for a bit but I did read everyones posts and appreciate all the input, opinions, ect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Said the above because the headache is making it hard to focus.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ok I should have titled the thread differently lol. No it wasnt meant to be... "Omg I burped and everyone gave me a funny look then my tummy growled and blah blah blah... "
> 
> What I meant by this thread was I like, want, enjoy letting my spouse know about things like unscheduled atops. I dont like people accusing me of "checking in to ok it with the boss" and I certainly dont like when people tell me I should act like he isnt important and I shouldnt give a damn about his thoughts, feelings, ect.
> 
> ...


I don't agree with the mentality either. But what you need to realize is that's THEIR problem, not yours. You also shouldn't let it affect you. Why is their opinion or better yet, their bad judgement so important to you?


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

We tend to be very open, however some girl talk he just doesn't care about but he's a good sport, lol. I have had a very dear friend come to me with a serious issue where she didn't want anyone to know. When my H asked me about her, I gave him a general version, but he understood and didn't feel as if I was maliciously keeping things from him. Even when I need to talk to someone concerning us, I tell him.

My husband has been on the receiving end of whipped jokes, and some of my girlfriends have said that my H and I can't make a move without each other knowing. But to us it's not about being controlling or whipped, some of it is just how we are, and some of it is just plain common courtesy for our marriage.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> No secrets, no GNO's or BNO's, and no separate vacations/trips (except for business). This has been the basics of our marriage from day one. So far, so good.


:iagree:

My husband and I tell each other everything. We have no secrets between one another, even if they are boring and mundane. We have boundaries that we have set up together(such as the quoted above and not spending one on one time with someone of the opposite sex) and they work well for us. Not everyone has to agree with how my marriage works, but my husband and I like the way it is. It works well for us.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I have NEVER told my SO everything. I'm of the opinion that what other people tell me in confidence is NOT his business. I have had friends/acquaintences confide in me:


they had a D&C
thought they were exposed to AIDS/HIV
been committed to a mental hospital for nervous breakdown
having an affair
thought they were pregnant

I don't believe any of these are HIS business. Some of the women he didn't know (work/business acquaintences) some he did know.

If YOU & YOUR SO are comfortable sharing everything, that's great, I make NO JUDGEMENT (no p-whipped, no controlled BS). Likewise, I appreciate people not making judgements because WE choose not to share everything WHEN IT PERTAINS TO PEOPLE OTHER THAN OURSELVES.

People confide in me because they believe me to be discreet, non-judgemental (despite my writings here at TAM), and helpful. I feel a duty to these people to keep their confidences.

...just my 2 cents


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

pb76no said:


> I don't agree with the mentality either. But what you need to realize is that's THEIR problem, not yours. You also shouldn't let it affect you. Why is their opinion or better yet, their bad judgement so important to you?


Yes it is thier problem but I am just one of those bytches who will not tolerate disrespect like that repeatedly. That and some of these people are blood relatives or in laws.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Thats great slowly and perfectly understandable. I tell my spouse things like what you mentioned because he would be my soundboard. He helps me through things like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

Yeah I definitely think behaviour like that is a 'them' thing, not a 'you' thing. I don't have many friends, but I certainly wouldn't keep any that expressed dissatisfaction with how often I talk to/text my husband to let him know if my plans change. Keeping him up to date is just plain sensible. It's safer (in case there's an accident or anything bad happens) and it gives peace of mind to both of us. 

And when people say whipped, or controlling, they have it all wrong too. Controlling behaviour isn't 'preferring to know where your wife is', it's needing to know where she is at all times, timing her, not allowing her to change her plans last-minute, not allowing her anywhere but a specific list of venues, i.e work, the grocery store, the pharmacy, etc.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I tell my wife everything and she tells me everything, lol. even the secrets her girlfriend tells her!
Sometimes we just lay in bed , lights out and we begin to talk.
When I leave home, I tell her exactly where I'm heading. If I make a detour I tell her.
People I meet, jokes and funny stuff, everything.
She doesn't ask, i just tell her.
I don't ask, she just talks.

I don't believe in hiding stuff from each other.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Married to a cop. He tells me everything about work and things nobody should know even technically me. I trust him and he trusts me. So yes I do share my girlfriends secrets with him but they know that. They know him too. He's not a gossiper. What I tell him stays with him. Its part of his training. He NEEDS to tell me about his work because otherwise it would destroy him. I don't tell anyone (not even friends) things he tells me in confidence.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Married to a cop. He tells me everything about work and things nobody should know even technically me. I trust him and he trusts me. So yes I do share my girlfriends secrets with him but they know that. They know him too. He's not a gossiper. What I tell him stays with him. Its part of his training. He NEEDS to tell me about his work because otherwise it would destroy him. I don't tell anyone (not even friends) things he tells me in confidence.


And that's what I mean... my girlfriends know he is, essentially, an extension of me... and his guy friends know the same about me. They also know that he is the only one I tell such things too (unless they allow me to tell others for whatever reason) and the same with my husband telling me things. I mean, when I say I tell him everything, it's not like I tell him each and every time I go to the bathroom, even in the middle of the night, etc.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I tell my husband everything that concerns him in some way and everything I think he'd be interested in. 

I don't tell him things other people tell me in confidence, unless they specifically say it's okay to do so.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Lyris said:


> I tell my husband everything that concerns him in some way and everything I think he'd be interested in.


Oh my, worms meet can. I will say I was thinking that too.

I will admit to hearing an occasional "Why didn't you tell me that sooner." Occasional, rare, but it does happen. Generally not a big a deal.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And that's what I mean... my girlfriends know he is, essentially, an extension of me... and his guy friends know the same about me. They also know that he is the only one I tell such things too (unless they allow me to tell others for whatever reason) and the same with my husband telling me things. I mean, when I say I tell him everything, it's not like I tell him each and every time I go to the bathroom, even in the middle of the night, etc.


Same with gate and I. Its not my friends that toss out the control or whipped crap. Sadly... Its mainly blood relatives or in laws.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Every friend me & my husband has knows us well enough to know, if they share something with one of us... it may be shared with the other. Our friends wouldn't care, we are just like that...one of my gf's has even asked me to Please ask my husband HIS opinion on her relationship woes and get back to her. 

Many things he couldn't care less (about my Gf's)... so I don't say anything, cause it would only BORE him to tears anyway..

I can trust him with my life/as he can me....anything we share stays & ENDS with our ears...period. Neither of us are Busy bodies... I never betrayed a trust of his / he has never betrayed a trust of mine...we are of a like mind ...as iron...on this. 

I don't judge other people for being different in this area... however....I wouldn't like being married to anyone who had the attitude of... "It's none of your business"... I don't view marriage through those eyes.... I see us "one in the same"... we share all.. or are able too...that is just how I strongly view emotional intimacy... 

I prefer the willing Open book type...because I am this way ....I enjoy that...it stands to reason why I'd  on another who would find that "Icky" ...TMI.... or something is wrong with me. That would be very hard to swallow.... I would find it rejecting and demeaning... 

I can't even think of a time where I was going out ...or him -where we left each other hanging....it's just the built in part of caring to keep each other informed...

If the roads are bad/icy...and one of us leaves...the other always calls to say "Hey, I made it...







"... so we can go about our day... knowing all is well in our world.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Every friend me & my husband has knows us well enough to know, if they share something with one of us... it may be shared with the other. Our friends wouldn't care, we are just like that...one of my gf's has even asked me to Please ask my husband HIS opinion on her relationship woes and get back to her.
> 
> Many things he couldn't care less (about my Gf's)... so I don't say anything, cause it would only BORE him to tears anyway..
> 
> I can trust him with my life/as he can me....anything we share stays & ENDS with our ears...period. Neither of us are Busy bodies... I never betrayed a trust of his / he has never betrayed a trust of mine...we are of a like mind ...as iron...on this.


This here is just like my wife and I.
My wife's girlfriends know that she tells me basically everything, and they sometimes tell her to ask my opinion on something.

Sometimes I'm bored to death with some of the stuff, but my wife likes talking with me and to me.
Sometimes I bore her with some philosophical rant, or money matters and she still listens, lol!
She knows when she tells me, that's the end of it. Later she might bring it up and I can't remember,[ she gets mad at this] But I think basically its a way of bonding. 
I don't like it when there's silence between us.
When I want to be quiet, I stay by myself.
When we are in each other's company,
WE TALK!


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## Creedence (Dec 2, 2012)

i think when you love someone it is just natural not to keep secrets or anything of that nature,but i do believe in not looking for a fight,like i have an opinion of my gfs dad that i keep to myself because it would hurt her but other then that she knows it all


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Same with gate and I. Its not my friends that toss out the control or whipped crap. Sadly... Its mainly blood relatives or in laws.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And the snarky comeback to that is: What difference does it make to you what *I* choose to say/do when it comes to my spouse? WE agree on this TOGETHER. Your displeasure is duly noted, and I have given it all the consideration it deserves. Now, if you have something constructive to say, I'm all ears. If you intend to belittle my relationship with my spouse, you know where the door is.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> *But I think basically its a way of bonding. *
> I don't like it when there's silence between us.
> When I want to be quiet, I stay by myself.
> When we are in each other's company,
> WE TALK!


A fabulous way of Bonding... we so ENJOY bouncing stuff off of each other.... People outside of our little bubble.... gotta admit with some







.... they keep US thoroughly entertained !!


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And that's what I mean... my girlfriends know he is, essentially, an extension of me... and his guy friends know the same about me. They also know that he is the only one I tell such things too (unless they allow me to tell others for whatever reason) and the same with my husband telling me things. I mean, when I say I tell him everything, it's not like I tell him each and every time I go to the bathroom, even in the middle of the night, etc.


My relationship is the same and my friends all know this. Anything that is told to me, many times will be talked about with my husband, but it does end there. I completely trust my husband and know he wouldn't gossip with the information he hears from me. What we talk about stays between us. I see no reason to keep anything from him and we always update each other on going places, especially if it's late at night, the roads are bad, etc. We started this when we were dating and continue it today.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

gaia---

it happens because people are assh0les. there is always someone will to give out unsolicited advice about your relationship. it will always be someone judging you and what you are doing. it sucks. i've been there. 

i just stopped acting like it was a big deal, and turned the tables on them...when i would get, "why you gotta check in HIM..!!", i just shrug, "dont you?", of course the answer was something stupid and in no way positive, so i just said, "oh, sad" or "to bad" even "im sorry" followed with a faux pout of pitty.

keep indifference with it, most of the time the drama queens only like to feed on drama....keep drama out if it, and they will stop being b!tches about it.

i still think of the time my husband and i went to visit his mother, and he popped next door to see his aunt, and we said bye, and his mom and i talked for a while.

when he came back, i got a big smile, and waved like a fool, he did too, [ike we havent seen each other in a day], his mother had this look on her face like "ugg" and said "who are you waving at...?" i said bob*, and she looked said, "you just saw him..".

i said not for 20 minutes, she said its been more like 10....so, then we made faces at each other [my husband and i]. when her husband came home, she waved at him and said hiiiiii, he just stared blankly at her, almost waved, but snacked his hand down, and slammed the bedroom door.

she looked crushed. we ran out of there so fast....., but the moral of the story is, she was unhappy, and didnt know what happy looks like...so they tear down anything that dosent match up with their marriage, or LTR, or co-habitation.

but i really do understand where you are coming from, and how it makes you feel. how i got through it......well....its slightly easy to do, but hard to undo...i just had it in my mind, that i knew more than other people, i had a baby young, lived with my baby daddy for a while before we were 18, dated for 4/5 years before we had a baby.

i was on a whole different level then most other folks, i might have been 22/23, but i had a decade with one person, we had a child together, we were married, and after a while, maybe i just stopped telling anyone anything. if i was asked how long we had been together, i just say, a while, and leave it at that. if i have to "check in", i just do it, and its so second nature to do so, fvck them if they dont "approve".

and if i have to see what my better half is doing, because someone wants me to go, and they catch a attitude???? fvck you, im not going anywhere with you, and i will automatically put these folks into the "toxic" category, and limit my conversations to 1. weather, 2. high prices, 3. weather.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> G,
> We all know what QUALITY people your relatives and inlaws are.... I fact, I think I stepped on one yesterday in the yard, left by the neighbors dog....
> 
> Anyway, don't let that kind of persons opinion affect you. If you don't look up to someone, or can't respect them, their opinion about ANYTHING in your life is useless.


Thanks for this human.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And the snarky comeback to that is: What difference does it make to you what *I* choose to say/do when it comes to my spouse? WE agree on this TOGETHER. Your displeasure is duly noted, and I have given it all the consideration it deserves. Now, if you have something constructive to say, I'm all ears. If you intend to belittle my relationship with my spouse, you know where the door is.


Lol thanks maricha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Panda, im working on not letting that crap bug me but it still does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Simply, caribbean and everyone else... I really loved your stories and POV's so thanks for sharing all. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I never used to believe in transparency before seperation. However now I can see how powerful it can truly be, however I see it as more of a goal then a possible accomplishment for me. Some white-lies are needed, such as bday surprises etc. Also, to be able to vent on a forum without my wife reading about my angry thoughts is good, cause I type sh-t here that I would not say to her nor truly mean it. Like how stupid she was recently... everyone makes embarrassing mistakes.

Last year when my wife came to understand that about me and this forum she told me that she no longer wanted to see my vomit - and rather discuss our problems when I can think straight. So maybe 99% is ideal... or perhaps 95%? 

However nowadays though -> if she really wants to know I do print out my threads though mostly she already knows my feelings about it and I discuss/prepare her for it so she comes to a state of understanding before she reads my words as to avoid a shock. And if I really prod her about whatever surprise she has in store for me I can guess I can get it but that's just no fun so 

The whole saying that I had when she wanted me to be more transparent that "You can read between the lines all you want but you're still not going to get anything. It's my secret and that's it" is gone. Seperation has taught us that transparency is the only way we are going to be able to fix our marriage, at least temporary cause it's like brain surgery. It is a struggle however.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol I dont do that.... I cant tell any sort of lie to gate. If I have a suprise I just dont say anything about it. If I do and try to lie.. He always busts me because I start laughing. Everything I vented about here... I already told him first but I vent here because often times it has seemed as if he didnt understand or didnt care. 

Hell if his breath stinks I tell him. If I think he is being an ass I tell him. Sometimes though I do have issues with being brutally honest. We work through it though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, if I fart in the elevator... I don't exactly go:
...

lol

Besides sometimes it's cute when my wife white-lies even when we both know the truth and she even knows that I know the truth but she denies and we have fun with it lol - just a little game really


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol I love that movie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh yeah, definitely one of his best lol xD


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Gaia said:


> Hell if his breath stinks I tell him. If I think he is being an ass I tell him. Sometimes though I do have issues with being brutally honest. We work through it though.


I even tell my kids when they stink - we all have "toilet humor" in our house.... Did you see my Humor thread here Gaia 








What is your HUMOR Style ? . 










People who are "too proper" in their words & conduct would not care for our brood at all.... Of course we would act respectable around such people (so they wouldn't know how vulgar & sick we are in reality)....but for those who REALLY know us (close friends)...and when we get alone.... all of that goes out the window.... We enjoy ourselves...and wouldn't have it any other way. 

He tells me when I'm being a Bi*ch, once he told me I need Valium after I had an attitude with a cashier who screwed up my coupons... I just started laughing wildly & kissed him ....I knew he was right !!


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

It depends for me. There are things that she can do nothing about so I keep them to myself.

They aren't secrets, just mundane work worries and or some little thing that is bothering me I know I have to work out on my own. 

When I do talk of such things with her I feel like a whiner or complainer. I don't want to be either so......


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Originally posted by Mavash:
> He NEEDS to tell me about his work because otherwise it would destroy him.


Mavash:

PLEASE give your H, the cop, a BIG HUG from me....some anonymous woman on the internet who APPRECIATES what he does for all of us! ***HUG***


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Mavash:
> 
> PLEASE give your H, the cop, a BIG HUG from me....some anonymous woman on the internet who APPRECIATES what he does for all of us! ***HUG***


I will. Thank you. 

He will appreciate that. He mostly gets complaints. Lol


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Well, tell him YOU come here to TAM and give him TONS of compliments (and we're appreciative FOR you....and just a smidge jealous, as well!)


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Well, tell him YOU come here to TAM and give him TONS of compliments (and we're appreciative FOR you....and just a smidge jealous, as well!)


Jealous? Of what?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

you and hubby....

mine was a TOTALLY selfish azz who NEVER compromised on ANYTHING

I'm still lookin for someone to bang like a screen door.......


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Married to a cop. He tells me everything about work and things nobody should know even technically me. I trust him and he trusts me. So yes I do share my girlfriends secrets with him but they know that. They know him too. He's not a gossiper. What I tell him stays with him. Its part of his training. He NEEDS to tell me about his work because otherwise it would destroy him. I don't tell anyone (not even friends) things he tells me in confidence.


Same here.

And my husband has to share too. I know about EVERYTHING that goes on at his department, stuff that I shouldn't know, but I'm glad he trusts me to tell me too. He also has the trust of his fellow officers, and I would say he has NO enemies there. He's a really good guy.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> you and hubby....
> 
> mine was a TOTALLY selfish azz who NEVER compromised on ANYTHING
> 
> I'm still lookin for someone to bang like a screen door.......


Lol that's what I thought but I'm a little slow sometimes.

Btw it took me 21 years to get here. I was the selfish ass who needed 4 years of therapy to learn how to compromise. Lol


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