# What's the point, about to say screw it



## myNW (Mar 15, 2014)

I did absolutely nothing wrong but I'm going to get f&$!ed. I was a good husband, and she walked out on me. I'm a good dad and she's going to try and limit my time with my kids. I gave up a job I love and took a sh&$$y one to move closer to family in hopes it would save things...it didn't. 

I live in a basically empty rental when two years ago I was a proud home owner. I pay every bill we have and out the a$$ for daycare so I literally have no money. Found out today I'm going to have to give her over $700 a month in child support....where exactly is that supposed to come from?? She's trying to stick me with one day a week and every other weekend with the kids, when I have been a more committed parent than she has. Her parents are loaded and will pay for a lawyer, like I said I don't have sh&@for money (even though I work my a$$ off, she's already taking most of it and will take more) so I can't afford a lawyer. She lives rent free in a nice house her parents own and has almost no living expenses, meanwhile I live in the real world. 

This is what you get for being a good person and trying to do things the right [email protected]&$ it....I [email protected]&$ing give up.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

myNW said:


> I did absolutely nothing wrong but I'm going to get f&$!ed. I was a good husband, and she walked out on me. I'm a good dad and she's going to try and limit my time with my kids. I gave up a job I love and took a sh&$$y one to move closer to family in hopes it would save things...it didn't.
> 
> I live in a basically empty rental when two years ago I was a proud home owner. I pay every bill we have and out the a$$ for daycare so I literally have no money. Found out today I'm going to have to give her over $700 a month in child support....where exactly is that supposed to come from?? She's trying to stick me with one day a week and every other weekend with the kids, when I have been a more committed parent than she has. Her parents are loaded and will pay for a lawyer, like I said I don't have sh&@for money (even though I work my a$$ off, she's already taking most of it and will take more) so I can't afford a lawyer. She lives rent free in a nice house her parents own and has almost no living expenses, meanwhile I live in the real world.
> 
> This is what you get for being a good person and trying to do things the right [email protected]&$ it....I [email protected]&$ing give up.


Look for help here
A Voice for Men – Humanist Counter-Theory in the Age of Misandry
Try emailing Paul Elam.
Sorry man.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Don't give up, myNW! You've got way too many resources here at TAM who have been in your shoes and will offer you heartfelt advice and moral support! We know that you're a good man and a quality father, and will always continue to be! Always remember that God will absolutely never put on your shoulders more than you can bear!

You will continue to remain in my steadfast prayers!*


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Don't give up, myNW! You've got way too many resources here at TAM who have been in your shoes and will offer you heartfelt advice and moral support! We know that you're a good man and a quality father, and will always continue to be! Always remember that God will absolutely never put on your shoulders more than you can bear!
> 
> You will continue to remain in my steadfast prayers!*


Arb Paul is in Houston don't know what you can or can't do.


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## myNW (Mar 15, 2014)

Thanks Arbitrator. It sure feels like he's putting the world on my shoulders and it's testing me more than anything ever has. It's so frustrating because it just seems like it is all so easy for her. She can do anything she wants, get anything she wants and completely screw me in the process.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

myNW said:


> Thanks Arbitrator. It sure feels like he's putting the world on my shoulders and it's testing me more than anything ever has. It's so frustrating because it just seems like it is all so easy for her. She can do anything she wants, get anything she wants and completely screw me in the process.


*Sounds a whole lot like the way that my rich, skanky XW treated me! One thing that I found out was that wealthy deceptive women like her will unselfishly use their money to help destroy you! And you can take that to the bank!

What city are you situated in?*


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

There is only one way I know to get around this. You have to have your own business. Don't know if that's even possible. Otherwise, if at all possible, you can take a few classes and increase your income. She will get more, but you will too. You will always make enough to pay the child support, as long as you try. Businesses you work for talk with the county or state agency that sets support. They have all of that figured out. Don't get on anyone's bad side. Hang in there. You will make it. It's not easy. I'm sorry for you. Been there all my life.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear this.

It's amazing how people can be in the same situation, but with two entirely different results.

I'm separated. I pay all my own rent, my parents babysit my 2 year old daughter, and my husband has absolutely no responsibility aside from paying me $300 a month for our daughter's education savings and expenses. (That's an amount I asked from him, it's not due to an official court-backed child support arrangement, and it barely scratches the surface of my monthly expenses.) He pays no spousal support whatsoever...I do all the work of taking my daughter to my parents in the morning, picking her up in the evening, feeding her, bathing her, entertaining her. She sees her dad one or two nights on the weekend.

And maybe this is why he's so quick to kick us to the curb...I haven't put any pressure on him. Maybe if I take him to court and demand more child support, and show him some divorce papers, he'll wake up.


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## myNW (Mar 15, 2014)

Orange. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that the laws are very much in favor of the woman and I get that is because of situations like yours...husband/dad walks out, does nothing to help or support his kids and their mother. I understand fully that these situations take place. I just hate how when you have a man who is doing what he is supposed to do and even going above and beyond that a woman can completely put the screws to him and the courts will go along with it. 

Our society loves to bash "deadbeat" dads, and like I said there are men out there like that. But why is it that good, involved, responsible dads are punished???


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

myNW said:


> Orange. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that the laws are very much in favor of the woman and I get that is because of situations like yours...husband/dad walks out, does nothing to help or support his kids and their mother. I understand fully that these situations take place. I just hate how when you have a man who is doing what he is supposed to do and even going above and beyond that a woman can completely put the screws to him and the courts will go along with it.
> 
> Our society loves to bash "deadbeat" dads, and like I said there are men out there like that. But why is it that good, involved, responsible dads are punished???


I wish I had an answer for you - is there a way you can talk to a lawyer and hopefully make some changes in your favour? I really feel for you...to have no money left over at the end of the month is a horrible feeling. 

In my situation, I was the one who walked out of the house with my child, due to a very toxic living environment (we lived as a joint family with my in laws). Husband and his family did not honour my requests for separate living arrangements, we fought a lot, he told me to leave many times - so I finally did. I thought he'd eventually come to live with us, but he hasn't. I am truly feeling very abandoned and am intensely disappointed in him.

I'm just glad he has not tried to take my daughter away.  And my pride will not allow me to ask him for any spousal support, I want to prove to myself (and the world) that I can take care of myself. BUT, our daughter is a different story, her father must provide for her and I intend to file for divorce and demand proper child support. He has a 2000 square foot home and spends all of his money on his biological family, whereas I live in a rented condo and try to make ends meet.


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## Regretf (Oct 13, 2014)

myNW said:


> Orange. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that the laws are very much in favor of the woman and I get that is because of situations like yours...husband/dad walks out, does nothing to help or support his kids and their mother. I understand fully that these situations take place. I just hate how when you have a man who is doing what he is supposed to do and even going above and beyond that a woman can completely put the screws to him and the courts will go along with it.
> 
> Our society loves to bash "deadbeat" dads, and like I said there are men out there like that. But why is it that good, involved, responsible dads are punished???


I'm in the same boat as you brother. I have been giving money to my Wife for my son since she asked me to leave the house, more tan i should and paying for the house still while i crash at my brother's. I offer her a nice amount for CS and still wasn't enough, she wants more, and we are going to court in one month.

It saddens me that two people that loved each other will treat each other like that, but some women will take you down for everything that you have, i don't get how she wants to destroy me, i mean she's the one leaving me. I had to leave OUR condo, spend less time with my son, change my life because she wasn't "happy" and even more she wants me to pay her $800 for a three and a half year old son. Abusive.

I told her that a lot of men when they get divorced don't care if they see their kids and they start living the "single" life, not me, i have to fight for more time with my son.

You fight your battle my friend, fight for your kids, fight for time with them. At the end it will be worth it and they will learn the truth someday and be angry at their mom for her choice.


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## woosaa (Jul 9, 2013)

Hey brother,

Been and currently in the same boat as you. I love my daughter very much and same as you have always been an active father. Ex wife left me and didnt care much for our daughter. Also has her parents who enable her etc. Same sh*t similar to you.

Best advice i can give is let it go. I mean this in a sense that you only worry about your child. Be there for your child with the time you have. When you do not have your child live for you, without your ex in mind.

Regardless you and your ex will be sharing your child from this point forward. Start showing your ex now that she does not phase you. You are the rock for your child and whatever your ex throws at you does not make you budge.

Right now im in the military, pay over 1000 a month to include spousal for a 3 yr marriage. It is what it is. Took me a while to swallow this but i did. 

Turn your mindset around, no need to stress about a pos ex. Start killing her with kindness during the little interaction you have. And trust, she will feel stupid for her attempts to bring you down.


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## Regretf (Oct 13, 2014)

woosaa said:


> Hey brother,
> 
> Been and currently in the same boat as you. I love my daughter very much and same as you have always been an active father. Ex wife left me and didnt care much for our daughter. Also has her parents who enable her etc. Same sh*t similar to you.
> 
> ...


Great post man. It makes a lot of sense to me right now also.

cheers


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

myNW said:


> I did absolutely nothing wrong but I'm going to get f&$!ed. I was a good husband, and she walked out on me. I'm a good dad and she's going to try and limit my time with my kids. I gave up a job I love and took a sh&$$y one to move closer to family in hopes it would save things...it didn't.
> 
> I live in a basically empty rental when two years ago I was a proud home owner. I pay every bill we have and out the a$$ for daycare so I literally have no money. Found out today I'm going to have to give her over $700 a month in child support....where exactly is that supposed to come from?? She's trying to stick me with one day a week and every other weekend with the kids, when I have been a more committed parent than she has. Her parents are loaded and will pay for a lawyer, like I said I don't have sh&@for money (even though I work my a$$ off, she's already taking most of it and will take more) so I can't afford a lawyer. She lives rent free in a nice house her parents own and has almost no living expenses, meanwhile I live in the real world.
> 
> This is what you get for being a good person and trying to do things the right [email protected]&$ it....I [email protected]&$ing give up.


I know. It sucks for us fathers out there. And not sure of your situation, but she could have even cheated on you and still you will be the one to get the shaft.

I'll tell you one thing, don't EVER let her think that you are her personal baby sitter. I know, like me, you would want your kids as much as you can get. But you are not at her beck and call, or there for her convenience. Part of being a custodial parent is that she wanted it...she got it. She doesn't get to tell you what to do any longer.

So you just have to live the best you can for yourself and your kids. You can't control what some POS does to you. The law is on her side. Nothing you can really do about it. You are not alone.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

vellocet said:


> I know. It sucks for us fathers out there. And not sure of your situation, but she could have even cheated on you and still you will be the one to get the shaft.
> 
> I'll tell you one thing, don't EVER let her think that you are her personal baby sitter. I know, like me, you would want your kids as much as you can get. But you are not at her beck and call, or there for her convenience. Part of being a custodial parent is that she wanted it...she got it. She doesn't get to tell you what to do any longer.
> 
> So you just have to live the best you can for yourself and your kids. *You can't control what some POS does to you. The law is on her side. Nothing you can really do about it. You are not alone*.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

myNW said:


> I pay every bill we have and out the a$$ for daycare so I literally have no money. Found out today I'm going to have to give her over $700 a month in child support....where exactly is that supposed to come from??


Where, first, if you are not in the house, stop paying for it. Calculate what your spousal support payment will be and pay that amount. If you currently hold the insurance pay that, pay for 50% of the kids daycare, unless you are able to watch them during that time, then watch them and tell her you won't pay for someone to watch them when you should be. 

Then, drag out the court appearances while you save up for a lawyer. Ask for full financial disclosures on both sides, show up to the first court appearance and tell the judge you haven't been able to retain a lawyer yet, but would like one. He will likely agree to push it another 30 days, which gives you another month to save.

Judges tend to decide child custody based on the status quo, which right now your STBX is controlling. Start living how you want it to be so that is the status quo. If she refuses to let you see the kids, call the police. Unless she has a court order she cannot deny you the right to visit with your kids.


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