# Husband has profile on ******************--is he cheating?



## newlywedJ (Jan 13, 2012)

My husband may be cheating or is thinking about cheating. I found that he has a profile on ash leyy maddison (i dont know why i it blocks out the actual spelling of it on here)...which is a dating site for married people to find affairs. I found out from email notifications in his other email account that he doesn't check often. 

What should i do? I don't see much activity on there yet. He's gotten messages from a couple girls but I don't see him sending any out. It looks like it's a recent account. Maybe he could have just been curious about the site? But he entered his actual information like birthday, weight, height.

Should I wait to see if something does happen on there or confront him about it now? We have only been married a few months. He used to be sort of a play boy in his younger years...well has been with many women, couple one night stands, but says he's never cheated. People have said he's changed a lot (for the better) since he's met me and I really trusted him. We have been together for 3 years before we got married and I thought he's the most honest guy. Maybe I am wrong and have failed. What should I do? 

Another thing...we are newlyweds and don't have sex as often as I think we should. It used to be 2-3 times a week when we were living apart. Now that we're married and living together, it's 2-3 times a month. Something must be wrong? He's also on the computer a lot playing video games but maybe it's not just video games. I couldn't find anything in his browsing history. Maybe he's gotten good at hiding most of the stuff now. I've caught him looking at hardcore porn long ago. 

I don't know what to do. Should I wait to gather more evidence of his intent of cheating or confront him now about why he has a profile? Please help.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what the heck else would he doing on there if he wasn't planning on cheating?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You should ask him about it. Why wait until he actually cheats? Maybe this will be the one thing you do that will stop him from going ahead with it. And keep your eye on him...people don't go to places like AM because they're 'curious'. They go there to fish around for other scumbags to cheat with.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Depends on what you want to do.If you want to wait and see what may or may not happen, then do not call him out on anything yet, lay low and see what happens. OR you can call him out on it now. Either way,the bottom line is, he must have been thinking about it to have signed up. So therefore its something that will need to be addressed. Also when I mean lay low and wait and see, I don't mean wait to something actually transpires, but you can get more of a feel to see what he is actually doing/going to do if you wait. Thats up to you though.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If he has a profile there, at the very least he is planning on cheating.


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

He was probably curious about the site or maybe he was/is planning to cheat either way i think you should confront him about it and let him know your feelings about the other stuff too. If he spends alot of time on the computer you need to be careful that he isnt talking to other women on there.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I think it would be a mistake to reveal your source of information right now.

Why don't you tell him you think something's up, he seems distant, bla bla bla. Try and get him to open up and commit to working on the marriage without revealing what you know.

That way, you can verify in the background that he's not still skeezing....

Also, it's keylogger time.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Before you confront him, think about installing a key logger on his computer, if you can. Almost guaranteed if you confront him with what you have know, he'll deny, blame shift, and try to brush it off as nothing.

Speaking as someone who used the adult dating sites to find an affair partner... It's a very slippery easy slope going from being curious about what's out there to meeting someone for sex. And it can happen very quickly, like in days. You need to stop it ASAP.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear's got good advice: get a keylogger. And also, today, print out what you found (keep it and then show it to him after you do a lil snooping).

I would seriously consider ending this marriage if he exhibits zero remorse or an unwillingness to own what he did and be remorseful/explain why he's doing that so early in the marriage.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

He might just be "playing around" I know it's hard for women to believe that, but it's more common than actually having a affair.

I know many guys who go on dating sites to just "see" what is out there. Regardless you should confront him and go from there or do a keylogger and wait and see.

Best of luck!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Or you could sign up with fake info and drop him a note and see how or if he responds.

Honestly, there is no good explanation for him sighing up there other than to check out if he could cheat. It's only purpose is to enable cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I am going to be totally honest, so that you know it is possible your husband created this account and hasn't cheated.

When I read your post, I thought, I think I have looked at that site. So I went there just now. There was a link for 'lost' login information. I clicked that link and it came up with an email address I could put in. I entered an email address and I received an email giving me my sign in and my password.

I don't remember signing into the website, but I must have. Must have needed to sign up in order to browse the website.

I can vaguely remember going to the website. Probably after seeing one of their commercials on tv. I might have been looking to see if my wife had a profile on there. Or looking to see if there are any women from my community I recognize. Or just snooping.

I can honestly say I have never communicated with anyone on that website. No emails to or from anyone. I just looked around and forgot about it.

I have been married for 23 years and have never cheated on my wife.


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## newlywedJ (Jan 13, 2012)

I know nothing about keyloggers. How/where can I get it? Can I install the keylogger secretly without him knowing? I am thinking about waiting to see if there's any further activity on his account since I can log in. I've also created a fake profile and messaged him but it looks like he would have to pay for credits in order to see the messages. But I don't understand why I get messages for free? I should lookout for when he actually logs in himself on the site but using my profile to see. 

I think it's a very recent account and he hasn't done much yet because the past few days I've expressed how mad I am about him playing video games on the computer so much and how we dont have much intimate time together. 

Also, he knew about the site long time ago and even mentioned to me about how wrong it is. I never guessed he would sign up for such a thing. Is it really just curiosity or he plans on doing something?

He also changed his passwords on his main email accounts recently because I recently confronted him about some messages from women from some site which appears to be spam. It was in his trash folder and was unread so I believed his case that it's simply just spam and he showed me how he had all these filters set to stop them. He's probably getting them from while back when he did visit dating sites before he met me. 

At least I still have the password to his other email that he doesnt check much that he used to sign up for AM.


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## newlywedJ (Jan 13, 2012)

SadSamIAm: I really hope that's the case. That he was just curious to see what kind of people use the site. But he didn't have to enter his actual information to sign up for it. But he has "Undecided" as his "Looking For" field which includes options: Short Term, Long Term, Whatever Excites Me, Anything Goes, Cyber Sex Chat. 

BUT he also has his greeting message as "Shhhhhhh"

I am so upset and trying to keep cool while I decide what to do. I found this out earlier this week and it's so hard to hold it in.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> what the heck else would he doing on there if he wasn't planning on cheating?


:iagree:

My husband went on dating websites just to 'see what's out there' and ended up getting scammed for thousands of dollars while trying to screw someone behind my back. If he hasn't cheated, that was his ultimate intention. No one in a committed relationship has ANY reason to be 'checking out' dating sites.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

newlywedJ said:


> ...it looks like he would have to pay for credits in order to see the messages. But I don't understand why I get messages for free?


Disclaimer to my wife if she is spying on me here: I read this in another thread. I have never been on this site.

Women get alerts free, men have to pay for them. Go figure.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

newlywedJ, you should sign up to AM with your own account and reach out to him and put him to the test. Send him fake pics and see if he'll meet you somewhere and then bust him 

Damn I'm cold...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Bottled Up said:


> newlywedJ, you should sign up to AM with your own account and reach out to him and put him to the test. Send him fake pics and see if he'll meet you somewhere and then bust him
> 
> Damn I'm cold...


I tried to lure my hubby by messaging him after I found out what he was up to. He didn't respond. But I would still do this.


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## RelationshipCoach (Nov 7, 2011)

You have a sign that he may be cheating. You don't have proof of him cheating. If you confront him, he'll deny and make an excuse. 

It's best that you talk about how he is feeling about the marriage and some of the concerns that you have about your sex life. If he continues to tell you that there is nothing wrong...keep an eye out for more cheating signs and use the keylogger and other ways to catch him. 

As a side note: 
You say that he isn't having sex as much and that could be because he has something going on that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about. People cheat to get away from something that bothers them, which could be the reason why you have found this sign. While you can't make him tell you what's wrong and you can't stop him from cheating if he is on that path, you can take care of yourself and catch him cheating so you can bring the situation to a crossroad - save the marriage or end it. 

~Relationship Coach


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## msL (Feb 20, 2012)

Hi i am new on here but I am going through the EXACT same thing, and I have been for YEARS as i have recently found out through my own snooping..when i first found out he had signed up for dating sites(mate1.com) i confronted him, he gave me a lame excuse and over the last 4-5 yrs it has continued with just more and more sights he has added to his "collection". Some are variation of the truth in his profiles, some are completely false, even lying about his age and where he lives. As far as I know he has never paid for any of them, has he ever hooked up with any of the women on these sights..who knows for sure. So, if anyone can give me some good advice as well i would appreciate it. My husband has also gone as far in replying to an add in the personals on craigslist via his phone, i confronted him, and of course I got a lame excuse that I did not believe and you have to be real stupid do have beleived it. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Take that craisgslist incedent of mine as something else you may want to investigate as well as the dating sites.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I think some take many guys intentions too far. Guys often have this compartmentalized video game world they live in.

Myself and guys at work all did Eharmony and Match.com as a joke to see who was the most compatible.

Ash ley Mad i son is a joke of a site anyway and it has been proven to be with fake profiles etc.

Most guys join that stuff to just see and toy with the idea with no intention of ever following through.

That doesnt make it right though!!


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

pommyprincess said:


> OMG, I just joined talkaboutmarriage because my OH is doing the exact same thing on the exact same site! Wanted to know what to do in this situation.
> 
> We have been in a long distance marriage (different countries) for the last 6 months because of work commitments but we should be back together for good in a couple of months time. But now I have found out that he's using that site. He's got a profile etc but I don't think he's contacted anyone. But what I do know is that he registered on that site after the move. I'm just in shock!
> 
> ...



I think you should start your own thread to ask for advice so people can direct their advice at you and not the OP.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You could put keylogger software on his computer and see what he's up to. It might be the best and quickest way to find out what is going on.

I would not discuss what you have found with him yet because you don't have anything concrete yet except that he signed up no a site. You don't have proof of what he's doing.

What I have found is that if he's a member of one such site, he's probably a member of more than one. You just happened to find that one.

I'd be in a fact finding mode right now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What you should do is start your own thread. I will bet you $100 he tells you he never met anyone of that site/that it wasn't serious......ya right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep I also check it out...........curious I guess. after 5 mins realised that craigs list is free. just joking!


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

pommyprincess said:


> Thanks but keylogger is a no go as he's in another country! So, I really don't know what I can do from here. I had access to one of his email accounts and he asked me to log in to his account to reply to an email as his internet is not working over there.


Don't wait..don't stall. You confront him and you do it now. You tell him to cut the crap, get his info off the site and be a good husband. Don't wait and see what happens..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

It is keylogger time, plain and simple. He has given you MORE than enough reason to be justifiably suspicious. This isn't lunch with a female coworker. This isn't him "acting suspicious". He IS SUSPICIOUS by going to this site that has but one purpose. His purpose MAY be different, but the sites is not.

You can go the direct confrontation route, but if you can't believe him, this will eat at you. And the relationship. 

Maybe it's harmless, and he's curious or looking for validation by seeing if the opposite sex is "into" him. I could see that. What I could not see, at least for myself, is joining a PAY FOR site to fulfil that curiosity. That steps his behavior up a notch from "reasonable suspicion" to "probable cause" to strongly suspect something is going on. Protect yourself. 

There is software you can load into the computer online. Takes a few minutes. It runs silently in the background on the computer. You can then check in from a remote computer, never having to touch his computer again.

Let it run for a while and confirm he is or is not cheating (or on the verge of it), and then GET RID OF IT if he's innocent. But the issue of the account should be addressed at some point. 

It sucks not to be able to trust someone, and I suspect with what you've already found, you'll still have some major doubts no matter what he says. So settle it, and move on one way or the other.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I hate men.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

My husband may be cheating or is thinking about cheating. I found that he has a profile on ash leyy maddison (i dont know why i it blocks out the actual spelling of it on here)...which is a dating site for married people to find affairs.

looks like it's a recent account. 

We have only been married a few months. He used to be sort of a play boy in his younger years...well has been with many women, couple one night stands, but says he's never cheated.

We have been together for 3 years before we got married and I thought he's the most honest guy.

Another thing...we are newlyweds and don't have sex as often as I think we should. It used to be 2-3 times a week when we were living apart. Now that we're married and living together, it's 2-3 times a month.

I've caught him looking at hardcore porn long ago. 

he knew about the site long time ago and even mentioned to me about how wrong it is. 

He also changed his passwords on his main email accounts recently because I recently confronted him about some messages from women


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

He also changed his passwords on his main email accounts recently because I recently confronted him about some messages from women

My husband may be cheating or is thinking about cheating. I found that he has a profile on ash leyy maddison (i dont know why i it blocks out the actual spelling of it on here)...which is a dating site for married people to find affairs.

We have only been married a few months. He used to be sort of a play boy in his younger years...well has been with many women, couple one night stands, but says he's never cheated.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You should start your own thread, Slowly


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I wouldn't turn myself into an emotional wreck by sitting back and just wondering about this. You're a newlywed, your physical intimacy has decreased and your husband has recently registered on a dating site. I'm sorry for your pain, OP, but I'd confront outright.


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## joeschmo (May 2, 2012)

I have not read all the comments on this post but have been looking at quite a few on this forum that are similar and I hope I am not alone on this and wish someone would tell me that I am WRONG!!! if you are making fake profiles installing keylogger's and spying on your spouse. YOU ARE WRONG. if you do not trust your spouse then just confront him/her and stand by your arguement, if you have jealousy issues go get professional help. if your spouse is going to cheating websites...do I really need to spell it out? so to all the people who encourage these devious tactics, grow a set and grow up.


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