# Road for recovery.... for me! Not necesarily for US but who know!



## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

Hello all... long time no speak! How are things?

for those who dont know, DD was 1st May this year.... I was in a state, hence my name! 3 children or dont think I would have hd the strength to carry on! I was a mess.... I am not now! For those who think the end is near..... you have to believe in yourself... it's hard, but somehow you find the strength! Everyone says this and you dont believe but search for my old post and see what a mess I was then!!!!! Please read on....

Right well I have to say my life is still ongoing but moving in the right direction. 90% of the time moving forward, a little issue but then very quickly back on track.

Is the affair an issue anymore ? Yes ish.... in the background though.
Does the wife blame me for everything... no
Has she seen a massive change in me.... yes
Does she think I am the issue anymore...she says not!

What I have noticed.... with the help of a personal coach i have realised that she doesnt have enough 'purpose' in her life so was trying to fulfil it with affair, drugs, alcohol etc. Only she can find purpose... kids... family etc are never going to be enough for anyone! You need to find a way to leave your legacy!

So where am I now.... well I am nearing xmas and it looks like we will still be together for this which if you asked me 6 months ago I would have be doubtful.

Will it last FOREVER? No one knows but my thought process is so so different.... take each day as it comes! If I worry too much about the future then I will never get the chance to enjoy the present! TODAY... my family are together and getting there slowly.... tomorrow... one week... one month who knows but enjoy each day as it comes.

Is my life perfect? lol.... Is anyones?

But what it is, is a journey that I learn how to live without being dependent on one person. If she is having a bad day.... that doesnt necessarily effect me! it;s not always about me.... she has demons herself.

Is she currently having an affair... I would bet the answer is NO. Will she ever again.... who knows! Does she show guilt, YES... does she hate herself.... you can definitely see she does but she doesnt yet know how to love herself yet.

She needs purpose.... something that rewards her soul (I dont believe in soul but you know what I mean!!!).

Will she find it??? That's her task.... mine is to work on myself and so far I am one million % in a better frame of mine!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sooo... you're not certain w/ respect to whether or not she's still involved w/ OM...?

Has she _explicitly_ stated that she's no longer involved w/ OM? Is she still working w/ him?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Sooo... you're not certain w/ respect to whether or not she's still involved w/ OM...?
> 
> Has she _explicitly_ stated that she's no longer involved w/ OM? Is she still working w/ him?


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/201322-6-weeks-ago-she-still-doesnt-know-what-she-wants-now-i-have-found-180-a-15.html


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/201322-6-weeks-ago-she-still-doesnt-know-what-she-wants-now-i-have-found-180-a-15.html


Oh I remember the thread. But that was something like 3-4 months ago.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

manindespair said:


> Is the affair an issue anymore ? Yes ish.... in the background though.
> Does the wife blame me for everything... no
> Has she seen a massive change in me.... yes
> Does she think I am the issue anymore...she says not!


Turning your back on a a burning house, not a good idea.

She may not have blame you for everything, but she succeeded in adhering some blame that you accepted as you own,

You changed for a reason, for her, and not yourself. 

Whatever issues she saw about you that you changed can easily be replaced by new ones. 

Your not as far as you'd like to acknowledge.


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