# Emotionally frustrated about husband's lusting behavior



## blueberry2009 (Apr 2, 2011)

I've been married for almost 9 years, through all that my husband was a drug addict, I discovered his addiction later on our relationship due to the fact I was naive to that topic.To make the story short, he also has a so called "Neck Fetish" which I never gave much attention to that, but from time to time, it bothers me because he wants to be kissing my neck and all that make me feel unconfortable. Early this year I decided to separate from him because I was getting tired with the drug issue, we were supposed to be apart from each other for about a year, but it did not happened, after two months of separation we got back after he said he went to a program for a month and he was ok. Well, after we got back he's been cleaned for about 10 months. The thing is that our relationship has not been great, the marriage is falling apart due to the fact that he left the drug now, his new addiction or fetish how he calls it, it's the neck thing. 

I thank God he gave up the drugs, and now he is trying, but I just see he is having this neck fetish things as an addiction, I have found pics of women necks online, he goes to this websites where he buys token to talk to women online. He talks to them and promise them to send them money in exchange of their pics, I have found texts where he asked women friends for pics, just recently he joined this dating site, I confronted him already so many many times, all he does is blame it on me, because he says I don't let him enjoy my neck and have affection anymore, so he just go an finds it somewhere else, he says he never been with nobody else while married, but at this point I see he lies. He has changed his profile, usernames, passwords, and joined an online group related to that fascination.


I ran the computer history and find all the transaction he does, he spends almost $200+ in that thing weekly, it's really killing me, we argue a lot because I'm to the point where I don't want to tell him why I'm mad, if he knows what he's doing... our marriage gotten to the point where there is no respect. he said it is not an addiction, he enjoys the neck and I don't let him kiss mine, so. I feel very disgusted just to think about that. Does anyone thing he has replaced the drug addiction with this fetish now, he buys videos and clips about models and women just doing stuff with their necks, oh even I found where he was advertising himself to kiss somebody neck. Then he tells me I'm playing with his feeling, everytime I tell him I want to be on my own or want a divorce. We gotten to the point where I really want him to leave because everytime I see him on his laptop, I'm sure he is doing his business. Spending money where he can use the money for more important things, he calls women that are not even local and tell them he will send them money for a pic of them by western union....I don't know what to do! need some advice. thank you.

we had separated two times already and somehow I feel trapped. at this point I feel like I need to be alone. we just recently got back and he promised to stop that, but now since he has a laptop plus desktop, he is sneaking out buying woman pics, videos of women kissing and some horrible things to our marriage. I got mad tonight because he came asking me for money when he kept telling me he is saving his money, but on this past two days he has spent close to 300 dollars talking to women online. then he asked me for money to buy a domain, I did give him what he asked, then I discovered he is trying to setup a website about his fetish. he gets loud and swear, curse, calls me names because he says he has been doing good, and he has not been to those web sites, that im accusing him. Im afraid that since I know he is lying who knows if he has been kissing women inreal life. 

I had let him kiss my neck and see if that would make him stop, and he doesn't. The worst is when I'm sleeping he wakes me up cause he wants to be all over my neck and that really has pushed me away. I have denied him that for the simple fact that I'm a woman a wife, and feel betrayed and disrespected. I don't like the fact that he's been subscribing to websites and wasting money on that and chatting with naked women online, promises after promises broken, all he does is to change passwords so i don't find it. The other bad thing he does is that he asks girl friends to text him pics about that, or asking to allow him to kiss their necks. 
I already know I want out, it just everytime we separate some happen, the last time we separated he got laid off from his job, and called me to tell me he needed to come back because he is not going to leave on the street. He was staying at a motel at that point, so he did not want to spend another week there, so Ifelt kind of guilty and took him back, I told him to stop disrepecting me by looking at thosethings, but honestly, I don't think it is just the neck, he is also into women kissing...lesbian porno. I think so that, but the neck is the strong fetish, this is not just a recent habit,,this is old, years. I just never put atttention to that, I was much focus on him with his drug addiction, but now drug no longer there, this addiction which I'm gonna call it addiction since he is doing it nightly and when I'm at work, it is really making me just go away. Thank God no kids, we have none. If I allow him to continue this, and let him be with me, he is not stopping, he denies it and want me to show him where do I get what I say. He verbally abuses me calling me B.... and I'm at to the point where I see no hope. I know I can do it on my own, no doubt about it. I'm confused, and he makes me feel like I should continue on this marriage, I'm living in a lie.


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## committed4life (Apr 2, 2011)

I think you should get counseling from a spirtual pastor


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I had to look that one up. Neck fetish. Seems to get combined with restraint, choking and breath play sometimes. That's pretty far out there.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

I am confused. Are you talking about neck fetish as in asphyxia (strangling, choking) or is it like a foot fetish (looking at, kissing, caressing, licking and such)?


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## blueberry2009 (Apr 2, 2011)

*my husband lusting/fetish addiction*

Thanks all who replied to my post, it's been a nightmare these past days, he's been spending money tipping those ladies online, the other night I walked to the kitchen and i see him in a weird move, and when i looked he was masturbating himself watching those things online, and he asked me aloud "what" well since you don't give it to me, I just went and locked myself in the room. I really at this point I want divorce, my feelings go up and down 'cause I feel he won't make it without me, but that's a lie. I deserve respect. he been getting videos from those women about kissing each other necks, he said he is not into asphyxia (strangling, choking), he just love that part of the women, which as for me being his wife make me unconfortable because he lies too much about not being online and spending money, I get to know and confront him when I get the non sufficient funds notice or I track him online.


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## cindysue77 (Jul 23, 2011)

Wow, it was nice to hear that there is someone out there who is dealing with the same frustration as I am. No fetishes but his addiction is talking to women online. He has also told me that he would stop yet, continues to do it. I am at the point now that I just don't even remember what having trust in my husband is. I know, I know men are different from women, like I haven't been trying to use that as an excuse to somehow make his behavior ok. However, a lie is a lie, no matter what sex you are. Have started counseling, fingers crossed. I wish you all the best. Walking away from a relationship is very scary, it is like uncharted territory. Be strong and do what is right for you. That is all any of us can do. That or say to heck with it and go look for a wife


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Freaking leave!! He sounds like a complete tool to be blunt and this addiction crap won't be going away....9/10 it just moves from one thing to another.

You deserve better and being a woman you'll find it!!


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Sorry... Sticking up for fellow fetish guy...
I agree only with one thing....

LEAVE!!!
But wait... Not because he's a tool, but because you dont care enough about him... I feel bad for him because he lust for you... And all you do is turn him away... If you can't be honest about your overall feelings for him (because the fetish is not the real issue) you're just gon string him along, making it worse...

Put on your big girl panties, and leave... If you truly desired him, you'd want him to touch you, kiss you and enjoy you...
My wife don't mind my fetish (hell she gets perks) but we want eachother, and be damned if somebody else will enjoy it...
You in so many words and actions showed him...
You're sick, you need help, you're disturbing...
So now he feels, he wants you and it... So he'll have you, and get it from someone else.... And if you knew he was an addict, you knew he'd just repeat what he did through it... 

Now if you even care, you'd talk to him, make him feel comfortable so you can get comfortable with his idea... Like any addiction, help him manage and control it... Let him get a taste, play it up, but let him know "it's all yours, if you control the porn and not go outside looking for it... If you're not willing, DON'T play him up the villain to justify why you're not attracted to him....


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## roamingmind (Jul 20, 2011)

WadeWilson,

OP is not the reason for the husband's behaviors .

Her husband obviously has addiction problems; characters like this never get satisfied; no matter how much attention his wife is pouring on him, he will still do the same and will still blame on her. 

I am all for a second chance; but OP has alread did... LEAVE, for your own sanity.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

It wouldn't matter if she let him mess around with her neck 23 hours a day, he would still go and look for other people for that 1 other hour per day. That's how addictions work. Starts off small but then gets bigger and bigger until your whole life is based on that one addiction - doesn't matter if its drugs or sex or... necks! WadeWilson, you have obviously not had an addiction before, as your response is totally wrong.

I agree with the others - leave. For some people, the only thing that will get them out of the addiction is tough love. Some people have to lose it all and get that "reality-smack-in-the-face" before they will realise that hey - this addiction really is bad and it is ruining my life. If he gets some sort of treatment and approaches you in the future and can PROVE that he is relationship material, then good. But this may or may not happen. So you might as well look after yourself in the mean time, and move on with your life.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

souds like your done with him.

you have been more than patient with him and all his problems.hold your head up high and know you gave your all and move on with your life and don't look back.

good luck.


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## tmbirdy (Jul 26, 2011)

*Re: my husband lusting/fetish addiction*



blueberry2009 said:


> Thanks all who replied to my post, it's been a nightmare these past days, he's been spending money tipping those ladies online, the other night I walked to the kitchen and i see him in a weird move, and when i looked he was masturbating himself watching those things online, and he asked me aloud "what" well since you don't give it to me, I just went and locked myself in the room. I really at this point I want divorce, my feelings go up and down 'cause I feel he won't make it without me, but that's a lie. I deserve respect. he been getting videos from those women about kissing each other necks, he said he is not into asphyxia (strangling, choking), he just love that part of the women, which as for me being his wife make me unconfortable because he lies too much about not being online and spending money, I get to know and confront him when I get the non sufficient funds notice or I track him online.


Geez, I think you are spending a lot of effort having to monitor his activities. If I were you, I would LEAVE as others have mentioned. Life is too short and it sounds like you are not living yours because you are too busy babysitting his. Sorry if that sounds mean. It's not directed at you, but him.


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