# Split Custody - One Kid Here, One There



## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Hello TAM,

The exes parents moved out here and in with her a few months back. 5 people and 3 dogs in a 3 bd apartment. My youngest (16) daughter hasn't been happy lately, and talked about moving in with me. I think she's just frustrated - her mother would likely never talk to her again if she did it, so I don't think it's really going to happen. But it did make me think, so here's the question. Do any of you have an arrangement where each parent has one of the children? How does that work for you? 

DPR


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that normally it's a very bad idea. The relationship between siblings is very important. Split the kids and you most likely break their bond and the strong life-long relationship that can sustain them through a lot in life.

Now if your 16 year old wants a break from a crowded apartment, offering that from time to time might be a good idea.. like releasing steam from a pressure cooker.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I think that normally it's a very bad idea. The relationship between siblings is very important. Split the kids and you most likely break their bond and the strong life-long relationship that can sustain them through a lot in life.
> 
> Now if your 16 year old wants a break from a crowded apartment, offering that from time to time might be a good idea.. like releasing steam from a pressure cooker.


Ele, 

Her sis is a year older and will hopefully be heading off to college next fall as it is, but I certainly see your point. 

They come over here whenever they want to. But like I said, I think it was just frustration. I know it has to be a stressful situation there, knowing the ex and her parents. I think the episode with the volleyball tuition upset her. She says she and her dog get "yelled at" while her sis gets away with anything. She is the more independent one - looking for a job, for example. She'll be employed before her mother. I was very clear to not to bring it up as some kind of threat as well. I have heard stories for example of boys going with the dad and vice versa, and was just curious about this.

DPR


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If they were young I would question that approach, but they are late teens and the older one is on her way out anyway. If the 16 year old wants to move in with you I see no problem with it. 

Honestly if that is the direction she is leaning I think it would be better to do it sooner than later. Right now things are still on civil terms and things can be talked thru, but if you wait...well she is already feeling frustrated and cramped, I would hate to see her have an emotional blow up and move out then, that could result in a damaged relationship with that side of her family.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OK, I did not realize their ages. Then I see nothing wrong with one staying with you.

If she can come over to your place as much as she wants, then just let her do that for now. It's only 2 more years anyway.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I have some friends with on-going custody disputes and a few years ago one parent suggested that the youngest (at the time about seven) stay with her and the older (about 11 at the time) go with dad. The court shut that down straight away and refused to split the siblings, due to their age. Kind of makes you think if they had been older he would have been ok with the idea.

I would be concerned that the siblings wouldn't work out whatever issues they have if they split-up. On the other hand, there is such a thing as too much togetherness.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I think with older age it could be ok. I would never split up my 10 and 5 year old now. But I can see my 10 year wanting to live with me and not her mother. She already doesn't respect her so I can see it coming. So if my oldest lived with me full time and youngest lived with us or with her mom I would be ok with that.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Thanks everyone. The kids actually get along better now that they ever have, so that's a good thing. I've seen her the past couple of days, and she has calmed down, I think. I'll just keep an eye out and make sure they know my door is always open for them.

DPR


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

An update. This ended up happening this weekend, but with my oldest daughter (18), not the youngest. My ex had one of her screaming fits, and said to her, "if you're going to act like your brother, then you should just leave". So, she called me Saturday night, and we moved all her stuff in over the weekend with the help of her grandparents. Her mother was shocked, to say the least, that her bluff was finally called.

D and her sister go to the same school - one year apart, remember - and the youngest is taking her mom's side, so that part is rocky at the moment. I also have to file the motion on Child Support - it's a bit unusual. Because she is 18, the custody agreement is no longer in force. But she isn't emancipated until she graduates from high school, so Support is still in effect. I don't think it will be a problem.

DPR


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Wow. 

File that support motion. 

I hope the siblings reach their own peace summit. Any chance the youngest is actually jealous since she mentioned moving in with you earlier in the year?


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> Wow.
> 
> File that support motion.
> 
> I hope the siblings reach their own peace summit. Any chance the youngest is actually jealous since she mentioned moving in with you earlier in the year?


I don't think so, Pluto. The 16 year old was never really serious about it. She's too attached and too much (unfortunately, honestly) like her mother to have been. The details of this are probably too long to go into, but it the episode re-confirmed just how seriously screwed up my ex is.

DPR


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