# Wife over exaggerates to friends



## Franklin Tank (Oct 18, 2010)

Married 2 years. My wife i think has anger issues and is seeing a therapist for it. When she gets mad she tends to over exaggerate things for example (I said my 2yo daughter was annoying when she whines - I dont know anyone whos likes to hear someone whine --- and she interpreted it as me "hating my kids".) Im very intellectual and have taken psychology in college for a semester. Im not saying that im a genius but it is my belief that almost all if not all parents get to a stressed point with their children. Anyways she over exaggerates about 20 things like that per argument. more examples are (she said that since ive been back from being gone for 7 months all ive talked about was my favorite video game -- i mentioned it at most 4 times in 7 days) (she said i havent done anything with the kids -- ive changed about 35 - 40 diapers, I actualy dont mind it and will volunteer for it if it was a choice between the two of us.) so on and so forth. Her arguing these things to ME doesn't bother me because i know that once she calms down she will realize what she said was ridiculous BUT what really hurts me is that she tells her friends and if shes really mad she posts it on facebook or something like that. Then her friends look at me like im useless and that i hate my kids -- which i love unconditionally -- and that all i talk about all day is video games. What do i do in this situation.


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## Franklin Tank (Oct 18, 2010)

Oh yeah i forgot to state that she says these things to her friends only when shes mad never when shes calmed down. and when she does calm down it doesnt occur to her to do damage control with the people she has spoken too (aka vented to).


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## Meriter (Nov 10, 2009)

Franklin Tank said:


> Oh yeah i forgot to state that she says these things to her friends only when shes mad never when shes calmed down. and when she does calm down it doesnt occur to her to do damage control with the people she has spoken too (aka vented to).


I had a similar problem recently. My wife hangs out with 3 neighbor ladies and when they get together all they do is husband bash. 
She says it is normal, and that may be the case, but it is also very destructive to a relationship. What happens is things get exaggerated, as you said
and friends agree and egg her on. Then she comes home feeling overly empowered and more combative than normal. 
This is on top of the fact that your reputation is damaged with others. 
It's a dufficult habit for her to break, because husband bashing can be a right of passage among friends. It's easy to fall into and hard to stop. 

What I explained to my wife is this:
They are your friends and I'm not there- of course they will take your side of the argument.
Would you want me to tell people about all if our disagreements? I also explained to her how it made
Me uncomfortable being the bad guy to all of her friends since they only hear about the bad things.

It took alot of doing, but in the end she agreed with me and promised that next tine the bashing began, she would try to lead the
group by saying something nice about me instead of something negative.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

There's an old saying from my wife's country (Korea), "When three wives get together, the dishes will break at home."
10 to 1, she hears her friends' b***fests, feels a little like an interloper because her marriage is not as bad as theirs, and overexaggerates to "one-up" them.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

im a classic over-exaggerater. i use the phrases "never" and "all the time", all the time (haha). I think its because i want to be right and make things sound worse then they are, because i feel like things are worse then they are. If i state what is actually happening then it doesnt seem as bad as i think it is. I try to make my surroundings seem as bad as i feel. 

Odds are your wife is not happy; she's not happy with you or with herself. so she grabs one moment when something goes wrong and fuels all her negative energy into that moment. its pretty common.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

To a degree, I think it's just contagious. Like how when you're in the same room with someone who's in a bad mood long enough, you begin to be in a bad mood yourself. She hangs out with her friends, hears enough of their complaining that she begins to look at your marriage with the same distorted glasses her friends are wearing and then complains. The exaggeration is probably an attempt to one-up her friends. 

I used to complain about my first husband to anyone who would listen. He drove me absolutely insane and I didn't mind telling anyone and everyone about it. Of course, everyone took my side (it was the right side, but still.)

I've changed that in my relationship. We have problems, sure, but we don't air them to anyone and everyone. I come on here if I really need to talk to someone other than him. But for the most part, we can talk to each other and work it out. 

I think you need to tell her how you feel when she does this. Make clear that you don't want all your problems exposed to everyone else. If she doesn't get it, although I don't normally advocate being mean, perhaps a taste of her own medicine would help. Telling someone about some things she does might irritate her and then you can point out that's how you feel, and perhaps she'll then realize that she's wrong.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

this is a double edge sword i still talk bad about my h because some women are sneaky and its a game to take a good man you felt secure with i dont come home with that attitude its stupid i know and we talk about it and he understands its better this way i think he complets me and i just want to be up under him all the time and want to do what ever he is doing and he knows this the now to much talk of the truth and someone will take you up on your offer so best make the picture ulgy cuz guys do the same thing i have him repeatidly tell his fellow man dont get married we just dont want any body to get what we have between us again just dont bring it home and always talk
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ayan (Nov 26, 2011)

You should get her f.b password and delete the posts. lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I will never understand grown people who post their issues in a FB status.  It just blows my mind. How catty and spiteful...the ultimate gossiping tool. 

I don't know how to help your situation, other than to talk to her...but lord knows if she'd listen.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

I could have written your first two posts. My wife has very low self-esteem (admittedly) and I'm thinking more and more that she has narcissitic tendencies. So, if she can bash me (especially when I'm not around) she elevates her self-esteem (in a relative manner) PLUS the added benefit that she's correct (I ain't there to set the record straight) And I am not a saint by any stretch.

It's really a form of bullying (which is often a result of low self esteem). And like any bully, when they get called on it - especially in front of their audience (be that a playground or with the b!tch-friends) that behavior has a way of self-correcting.

Realized this is a really old thread.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

It has been my experience that issues within the relationship are to only be discussed between partners. Informing outside sources about the "bad" in your relationship can lead to very bad things (affairs, etc). She needs to understand this. Unfortunately there may not be enough relationship experience to realize this until it is too late.

Nip this in the bud now and start communicating better with each other.


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