# Selfish husband in the bedroom....



## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

good morning all,im a newbie to the site

So despite trying to address the problem with my husband it just isnt sinking in!!he is so selfish and often finishes before me and he hates performing oral sex even though i have told him i am desperate and have stopped giving him oral sex!!then the other night he was really rude to me whilst on top i was taking my time trying to not rush things he told me to get off because 'i didnt kno what i was doing.'he then tried to laugh it off and said he didnt mean it and was just joking but then why say it??i felt really hurt and started crying he didnt even comfort me.he never shows affection really apart from when he wants something.i am fed up and sexually frustrated please help...what should i do??ive tried talking till im blue in the face.


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

This sounds like a respect issue. What goes on outside of the bedroom?


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

thanks for your reply.well we have two beautiful children who mean the absolute world to both of us and dont get me wrong he is a great dad,and another positive is he is incredibly hard working for his family.but he never wants to do anything as in go out anywhere,if we do have the occasional date night its me who plans everthing,childcare resturant etc.he never takes an interest in how my day has been.Plus i had a pretty rough time as a child my mum was an alcoholic and died when i was 6 sometimes i just want to talk about it and have a shoulder to cry on but he isnt really there for me emotionally.he just doesnt seem to share my passions or dreams i feel like we are drifting apart...


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## saveferris (Aug 27, 2012)

I would seek professional help for your relationship. Ask him if he will go see someone with you and monitor his reaction. Then you will know if he is serious about the relationship.


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

I honestly dont think he would be up for it,everytime i try to discuss stuff with him he either see there is no problem and doesnt want to see from my perspective or he just ignores me!!!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I think the only hope you have for your marraige is to get into therapy/counseling. If your husband repeatedly refuses to go, then you should go by yourself for individual counseling, it sounds like you have a lot of childhood baggage.

In any event, if he won't go to counseling with you, I would begin to make potential plans for a life without him. Individual counseling may help you with this change.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

He treats you the way he does in the bedroom because he can. Nothing has changed because you are allowing his behavior to continue. Its time to step up to the plate and let him know your wants and needs are important, and if he doesn't feel they are, then you will need to make a decision if this is the man you want to keep laying down with.


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

thanks guys i know the time has come to 'do or die.' I am a strong person but i often am too nice and get taken for granted i think this is what has happened here,Trey69 many thanks for your insight i really think you have hit the nail on the head.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

katie,

Even if he won't go to counciling you should go to IC

It sounds like you have a lot of bagge from your childhood that you could use some help with

In the long run, it will make you a better person


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think hes just a poor lover and is embarrassed about not being able to please you. 

he dosn't realise that theres more to sex that intercourse. 

so he don't like to lick the box why can't he use his hands? 

I would say listen babe I not satisfyed with our sex life because you don't care about what I like sexually. when you want to have a mutually satisfying sex life we can start having sex again. we can make this an exciting adventure or you can stay in your selfish prudish attitude and masterbate.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Definitely get into some IC for yourself to help with the past issues. BUT also this main issue right now is whats going on with your husband and how he is treating you. Part of the problem might be he sees you as weak or passive so there fore he feels he can say or do whatever he wants. Thats unacceptable. Maybe during IC you can also learn to be more assertive and stand your ground on things.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Icky comment he made to you. Not cool. I hope you called him on it. That is not ok. 

Tell him you want him to go down on you and that you both of you to be equally satisfied.


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

maybe counselling would be benificial to me for sure,i do have unresolved issues from my childhood and i never really had a 'normal' family that i could learn what a good marriage etc is.he does use his hands chillymorn when he can be bothered and its usually in a rush and more about turning him on then me!!from how hes acting it makes me feel really unloved and unappriated....


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Katie, has he always acted like this? Or is this something new?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

saveferris said:


> I would seek professional help for your relationship. Ask him if he will go see someone with you and monitor his reaction. Then you will know if he is serious about the relationship.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

To be fair he always has been lacking of affection ive told him i want more as in more cuddles & kisses etc,he usually tries for a while then either forgets or doesnt bother anymore.as for the sex...it was always me making the effort trying to spice things up he has given me oral 2 times in our whole 4 year relationship/marriage.ive never had any complaints before regarding this!!i thought most men enjoyed it!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop "making the effort/trying to spice things up." Let him initiate and let him know it's not acceptable for him to talk to you like that.

Also--if you knew he wasn't into giving oral, then I'm not sure why you expected him to change now.
Not all men enjoy it. I personally would not want to be in a committed relationship with one of them but that's cause I'm all for it.


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

i hear you jellybeans!!yer i suppose i should have thought about his anti oral ways before i married him but i stupidly thought things would change.i wont be bothering anymore...i think we need counselling to sort it out the question is if he will be up for it...


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Sounds like he is being completely selfish. No need to put up with that. You have to have a heart to heart talk with him or try counseling as others have suggested. This WILL NOT get better as time goes by.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Yes he needs to get help with whatever issues he has. Definetely not appreciating what he has. My wife is not physically perfect.. overweight, not that great at riding. I never tell her this though. its mean. I love her tremendously and our sex is great because we are mentally engaged in it together.

I dont get why a sexual man would not want to do oral on his woman. Ive always been very sexual and kinky I guess and its my favorite thing to do in bed. I rather give it to her than get it! No lie.

With all this said I have good news. There was a time when I was not that into sex with my wife. IT was a bit boring... but it changed because 1. we slowed down on frequency and it made me crave it. somtimes this helps. 2. She went out of town for a few months to work and this space really made me realize how lucky we both are to have each other and how good our sex is. When she came back I couldnt control myself. lol. For us, space worked.


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## katieaudain (Aug 29, 2012)

thanks happy hubby,your comments have been really helpful.well hes actually leaving the U.K in a few weeks to go and see his brother so im hoping the space will do us good and will make him realise his selfish ways,he feels really bad for the comment he made and said he didnt mean it he thinks im beautiful,amazing etc but like i said was still really hurtful.Ive never been to counselling and am not great at speaking about my feelings what should i expect if we do go???


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