# Unwinding the braid, and now I see



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Just get me out of here.
Ready to move on, this in-house limbo is hell.
The old "smile behind the sword".


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## crazietj (Jan 12, 2011)

I know how you feel. We started about almost 7 months ago for me...the first 2 months were Hell. Then everything seemed to start working out. Then all of a sudden, it was back to it was when it first started. I can't take the ups and down.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Oh Boy I am in the same club. It is hell, one day you feel strong and purposeful, the next a shell. Seeing the other person's face each day is no picnic either. Then feelings re-kindle, then they die, then once again up and down. I am going nuts but til the house sells, we sit in this prison together.

I am in a re-kindling day because we spoke honestly this morning to each other, well I did and of course I still love stbxh but it is getting easier. I am in 4th month, divorce court on 7/19.

Good luck to us all, it is a miserable situation.


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## Thorn407 (Jun 22, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> Oh Boy I am in the same club. It is hell, one day you feel strong and purposeful, the next a shell. *Seeing the other person's face each day is no picnic either. Then feelings re-kindle, then they die, then once again up and down. * I am going nuts but til the house sells, we sit in this prison together.
> 
> I am in a re-kindling day because we spoke honestly this morning to each other, well I did and of course I still love stbxh but it is getting easier. I am in 4th month, divorce court on 7/19.
> 
> Good luck to us all, it is a miserable situation.


I guess that's why she dropped off ther face of the earth. that and she knows I know whats she been doing.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I just want to start a life of normalcy for me again. 
I no longer want to see her constant facebooking/textmessaging.
I want my custody time of my daughter and therefore my wife cant keep planning weekend things to do to lure my kid away from me.
I cant wait to have that quality time with my kid WITHOUT the psycho around.
Plus, her freaking financial situation is sooooooooooo f'ed up. shes on her way down the spiral again, and I dont want to ride it this time.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Shoo: Anger is one of the grief steps. We seem to fluctuate between all of the stages.

I was able to discover something that had been bugging me a long time, my STBXH denies every other feeling but happy. I could never express our normal emotions because he couldn't deal with it. He even told me he never runs away but he has left a total of 6 weeks in the last 3 months. WTF? Are you on planet Earth?

Move on time, kill that pilot light of hope, move on. No choice and even if we had one, would we really want to go back to this "thing" that has taken over the spouse?

I got angry, then sad, then angry, then accepting like a frekin ping pong ball. But have you noticed the valleys aren't as deep? I have.
Thank GOD!

We, all, will get through this and better and better days are before us!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> I got angry, then sad, then angry, then accepting like a frekin ping pong ball. But have you noticed the valleys aren't as deep?
> 
> We, all, will get through this and better and better days are before us!


I find the valleys just as deep, they are just A LOT shorter. 
I don't get angry that she chose another man. Her life. Her **** up.

Cheating and staying cheating is the ONLY thing that is absolutely non negotiable. I now realize!

The only thing that would ever cause me to hit the big red button on the luuurve machine.. 

All systems going down .... 

Flywheels smoking
Rubber burning
Brakes screaming.
Motors in full reverse.

There is no override button now.

Mine was a 25 year old industrial level love, it takes a bit to wind down.. 

But halt it will.

Hope my industrial machine analogy wasn't going too far


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

If it werent for the happy days, the hopeful days, where I realize that I WILL be in a better place, in a happier state of mind, sometimes even as I scan through the newspaper ads looking at furniture and appliances, I think that the bad days (where sometimes I fluctuate on a hour by hour basis) would be more difficult. I have finally reached a point that I remember that I have good days, and it helps me tremendously when something triggers me. 
My stbxw is now going out all the time, and meeting her g/f at bars and restaurants, I guess for (in her words) Girl Time. Which amounts to a chance for her to garner support and a few pats on the back of solace and uplifting words. 
It will be her however, that must see that face in the mirror and never be able to truly deny how this all went down. 
No matter what story she relates to these people, no matter how convinced she becomes about where she thought "I" was, this was not by my own hand, and it was the affair she chose to have with another man that ended this, and tore apart our little girls family. 
Midlife crisis, depression, Xanax, disasterous $$ problems, concurrent MIL living with us for similar reasons, could all have been handled, but to accept the advances of another man was not something that she can attribute to "circumstance".


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Good lord you have your mother in law living there, too? There wouldn't be enough Xanax in the world for me.

I feel for you folks going through the in house separation. That has to be AWFUL.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Oh yeah. It certainly doubles the difficulty. Not only does she not want to "Get involved" (when I have tried to talk about things in the past when R was possible) she is currently to whom my stbxw runs and hides behind closed doors with when I dont appear to want to cut my own legs off and abide by my stbxw's dictations of how this should all go. 
PLUS, shes a great live-in child sitter for when my stbxw wants to go out and pretend shes 20 again.

This is the third time in our lives together that Ive invited this woman to come live with us, due to circumstances in her own life. First, for help for my wife when the child was first born, cesarean section recovery, second, when MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer and they had to move out of their rental home, and most recently, when she was evicted from her apartment. Apparently, the money issue relates to the apple not falling far from the tree in terms of my stbxw's handling of things.
The other night, my D9 had asked to spend the night with her friend of whom their older sister watches them during the summer for a few days a week. They have a pool, and this was my stbxw idea in lieu of "affording" real daycare.
Weekend after weekend has become a regular gathering for what once was all of us going over there to have a nice day at the pool, to now a congregation of my stbxw's "support circle" of anti-ex friends.
Needless to say, I declined to go this last time, but my stbxw was happy to take our D9, and of course the kid always looks forward to swimming. 
Sometimes it feels like she is being lured away from me with that.
But during the day, my kid decides she misses me and wants to come home instead of spending the night. Fact is, I missed her too and really didnt want her to spend the night over there, but realize that its probably going to be more and more of that and that I need to learn to let go some.
Just to have her miss "me" and want to come home instead really made my freakin day.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Why are all these STBXs out having a giant party? Everyone says that in their threads. I'm over here being pretty boring. I'm pretty sure my stbx is doing the same thing so good.


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