# annoyed...venting...ugh...



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

okay so, my MIL moved in about a week ago...and since she moved in, my son stopped sleepin in...he use to sleep in until around 9-9:30...but he quit doin that after she moved in...

She sleeps all day then shes up and down all night...shes up about every 2hrs for a cig... and it annoys the piss outta me.. the baby's room is connected to mine and my husbands room, then theres a small hallway where the bathroom is, then theres my MIL's room...i shut the doors to my son's room, and to our room, so theres no way she should be loud enough to be heard through them doors..

So the other day she comes into the living room and says "its cold outside, can i smoke in my room?" ........ *HELLO YOUR OXYGEN TANKS ARE IN THERE!!! *:wtf: I swear i dont understand this woman... where is her common sense??:scratchhead: Does she not have any??? Im afraid to leave her home alone... afraid ill come back and be missin half of my house.... ugh....


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## Ditajr (Nov 24, 2009)

Does your husband agree with you that how she is acting is absurd?


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

i wished... hes done said he would pick his momma over me...he says shes just pickin at me, but it gets old after a while, and shes done said she does it just to piss me off...

like yesterday, i changed the baby's diaper and layed it on the stand next to the couch until i went to the kitchen.. and she just wouldnt shut up about... "when you gonna throw that diaper away" "you need to go throw that diaper away" ... i mean i didnt even have a clean diaper on the baby yet and she started in on me... it just annoys me to the point im fed up with it... i just turn music on and tune her out... but most of the time that aint even good enough...

she got pissed at me sunday cause i wouldnt sit here and watch game shows or re-runs of christmas movies that shes seen a thousand times... i mean come on...shes got a tv... why does she wanna take over mine... 

im just waiting for her to try and take over raising my kid, thats when imma just explode... oh oh oh did i mention she lets him follow her to the bathroom.... she leaves the door open just enough so he can push it open, and when i yell for him to get outta there, she does nothing, doesnt tell him to leave or nothin... ugh... i need a vacation... WITHOUT HER!


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

@Amberlynn-Oh boy, I have been in this situation, only my MIL moved in in 2005 and is still with us! Thankfully I have learned to accept her flaws and I am FINALLY happy again(Took me 4 years to get to this point). I can relate to your pain, in the beginning it was awful, she would tell me how to do this, or that, or tell me I should cook this or that for her son. She smokes cigs in her room, this drove me insane at first but now we use scented candles in the living room etc
I would get so angry and give everyone in the house a major attitude problem, I resented my husband for letting her move in with us and run the house etc. I also started to hate my H for never giving her a certain time period to move out. My husband is a total mommas boy, I mean it gets to the point(even til this day) where momma is making breakfast for him(us if I am home) on a daily basis, Now I can finally look at it and laugh, I have fully accepted her and love her dearly. Sure she can be annoying at times. Unfortunatley if she is planning on staying with you for a long time, you are going to need to start accepting her-or you will start to resent your H badly, NOW dont get me wrong now, if she is doing certain things that are unacceptable you NEED to talk to her AND your husband about them. She needs to know what pushes your buttons and she needs to respect you. 
We have all finally learned how to coexist with each other, the household environment is MUCH nicer, less negativaty in the air. 
I definitley have my moments where she drives me insane but I usually just go to my room for a moment, give myself a pedicure, walk the dogs, just a "moment of fresh air" or "away from her" helps a lot. Thankfully we have been getting along great. I hope you can learn to coexist with her because if she aint goin anywhere for a while then she MUST respect you and you MUST accept her. I hope this helps, keep us updated


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Ive lived with her befor, but stayed gone most of the time, when our son was born, we were still living in her house, and she ,made the comment, ill raise him cause i didnt get to raise my 2 kids. Its not my fault she decided to be someones "DD" and stay out all night insteaded of being there for her kids. 

So just a few minutes ago, I come from taking a shower and here she is, changing clothes in front of my 2 year old... even I dont do that... I dont know how she was raised, but apparently it was different back in them days. 

If I say anything to her about her nagging ways, she runs to my husband, thus causes us to argue. Hes gonna take her side, regaurdless if it affects me. Hes the biggest titty baby Ive ever seen. We wont allow her to smoke in the house due to I dont want my son around and we dont want the house to smell like it. 

Shes a chain smoker, smokes a pack a day, and when she smokes, she coughs and turns every shade of blue and purple that there is, she doesnt care that it affects us, or that its puttin her in worse shape with ever puff she takes. 

When she got to where she couldnt breath, I was the only one that was willing to take her to the DR, and she quit smoking cause we took her cigs away from her, but when her mom got sick, she used that as an excuse to go back to smoking, and now she looks for every excuse in the book to smoke, none of her siblings try to help her stop, they enable her. It was pournin down rain tuesday night and yesterday, and I begged her not to go out onto the pourch to smoke, didnt want her draggin in water onto the carpet, but it wasnt good enough "ive GOT to have this cig." .... I wish the dang things were out lawed...

Im gonna do my best to over look her nagging ways and just get along with her for the sake of my husband, but Im not sure how much I can take. I love her to death, and Ill do anything for her, and she knows that, but I dont understand why she annoys me and nags me like she does, knowin all its gonna do is piss me off... She knows Ive got an attitude problem and a smart mouth, so why she nit picks at me is beyond me... ugh...


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

aw I hope it all works out Amberlynn bc I know what you are feeling, I resented my H for YEARS bc of his MIL, gained a bunch of weight due to stress I am struggling to get off-its SO HARD but I somehow survived the harder years with her around. Now since I have ignored what bothers me about her, I feel much happier having her around and she is much happier too bc she feels less negative attitude from me. I know its hard but just try and deal with as much as you can, I know what u mean bout the ciggy problem, I dont smoke and she smokes a pack of Newports daily UGH the smell alone drives me crazy. 
I hope it gets better honey because if you let it continue to bother you -you will resent your H and you do not want to have resentment issues bc this can create a whole bunch of other probs with the H, good luck!


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Wow, all of this and she's not even been there a month. Fun!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> Wow, all of this and she's not even been there a month. Fun!


oh i know... just wait, everytime she annoys me, ill post it... rather post it and vent then take it out on her and my hubby... what really gets me is she will sit here and watch me go around in circles cleaning, pickin up toys and what not, and after ive done vaccumed the living room, she go out and smoke a cig and track back on the carpet...makes me feel like i clean for nothin... 

and OMG she goes through more toilet paper then any one person should go through... my husband picks at her about it, he swears she eats it lol... :rofl: but we will never know..


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## sargegonewild (Dec 21, 2009)

Hell,...4 words for you,.....
Your house, your rules,...she dont like? Tough


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

This may all be crap, so you think about it for a few days before you do anything I'm suggesting here.

You have to speak in terms of your _husband_'s interests. So far, it may be that you just sound selfish: it's you vs. Mom. He picks her. You have to recast the dispute as Mom vs herself. Then he can't fight with you, because you're not involved.

Think about her like you would someone mentally retarded, or maybe as a large child. If she runs to your husband about something you've done, and he comes to yell at you, _do not_ fight back or criticize her. Instead, put on a motherly tone and say "Dear, you know it's not good for her to do such-and-so. That's a bad habit, and if we don't help her who will?" If the complaint is about you not watching TV with her, that can be spun to his interest: "First, I don't like to encourage so much TV, and second, there's dishes and laundry and dinner, and you didn't marry me to sit on my butt all day letting the house turn into a pigsty."

See how it works? He can't fight with you if your stated reason is that something is bad for her. He can't fight with you if you're looking out for the house he lives in. If your 3-year-old was crying because she wanted to play in the road and you wouldn't let her, and she ran to Daddy and said Mommy was being mean, you wouldn't fight with him. You'd say "Did she tell you I was being mean because I stopped her from playing in traffic?" And he'd have to agree that playing in traffic is not good for children. You can do the same with your mother-in-law. She's clearly incompetent (maybe not from senility but just from being an addict) if she wants to smoke in a room with oxygen tanks.

You have to think of her as being _sick_, which isn't her fault. Someone who's got a bad fever and says nonsense isn't responsible for what they're saying. They don't need to be punished, or opposed, they need to be taken care of because they can't take care of themselves. If you think and talk about her that way, and you see her as needing help, he'll come to see you as being on his side, and see his mother as being her own worst enemy. Don't say "She's so stupid she wanted to smoke next to oxygen tanks!" Say "After she tried to smoke next to the oxygen tanks I've been a little worried. I haven't known her very well for very long, so I don't know if she's always been absent-minded or if she's getting forgetful as she gets older. Has she often had spells where she does things like that?"


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