# Programmed to one woman



## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm a married guy, but my relationship is unorthodox at this point with my wife. We have a pseudo open marriage and things just work for us. We're honestly happy, and I'm not really interested in debating the rules of marriage or monogamy in this particular post.

What I've found however, is that I would be the world's worst one night stand candidate. Less a couple of short relationships when I was very young, my wife has really been my only serious relationship for my entire life.

Given the above, in the limited extra-marital experiences I've been in (we're talking one woman a year or so...I'm not in need to lay pipe left and right), I always have performance anxiety with a new girl. Eventually I get past the nerves and things are normal, but the complex is there and it pisses me off. I'd like to avoid popping a **** pill, though in my case I suppose what's the harm as I'm not looking to conquer the single world and run through many women.

I imagine the cause it some combination of nerves/anxiety/guilt/morals...but it's frustrating to say the least. I also think that maybe my body is just on auto pilot when it comes to what I've been used to for so many years. My wife turns me on...we're aggressive in bed, and I know I can get her off with ease. And with the wife, not only do I not have a problem getting it up, but normally I can't even go as long as I'd like to, so erection/cumming is not an issue.

It's just bizarre to me that one person can get you erect by simply touching your ****, and then another HOT girl can't get you going at all. 

And if you are wondering why I'd even be interested in other women when things sound great with the wife...I have a high ability to forgive someone. My wife basically was cheating on me for 15 years or so...not whoring around, but definitely living a bit of an open marriage. She doesn't mind me finding myself a bit, so it is what it is...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My guess is that your brain knows that what you're doing is wrong when you're with these other women, and tries to shut your body down. You have a built in moral compass which results in droopy penis when you try and put it somewhere it shouldn't be.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lovestruckout said:


> It's just bizarre to me that one person can get you erect by simply touching your ****, and then another HOT girl can't get you going at all.


It's because your d!ck (and heart) belong to your wife.



Your "problem" isn't surprising at all. It makes absolute sense.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Maybe your thing have a «decent» mind of its own and don't want to be stuck in anybody else.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ha! Oh look, it has its own little personality


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

performance anxiety of pleasing a new partner. You probably feel like you know how to please your wife so no worries there. A new partner means the possibility is there that you won't live up to her expectations. When I was dating I always came faster with a new lady. Doesn't matter how much sex I was having with other women.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

It does make sense. I have a feeling too that I'll grow tired of wandering and re-focus on my foundation eventually.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wouldn't doubt that at all


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Kobo said:


> performance anxiety of pleasing a new partner. You probably feel like you know how to please your wife so no worries there. A new partner means the possibility is there that you won't live up to her expectations. When I was dating I always came faster with a new lady. Doesn't matter how much sex I was having with other women.


Mine wouldn't mess up due to anxiety about pleasing them. It would mess up because it's not my wife or gf. So i worried about this.

I was usually a great first timer, up through the stratosphere mentally and in the lust realm and so was she and I could last and have control at a super high level because I was so excited.

I still prefer to have good sex with someone I know and we know how we do it, than a stranger.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lovestruckout said:


> It's just bizarre to me that one person can get you erect by simply touching your ****, and then another HOT girl can't get you going at all.


It's not really performance anxiety,
Its is Cognitive Dissonance.

"_..In modern psychology, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel "disequilibrium": frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.._"

Cognitive dissonance - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Once you get over that hurdle ,compartmentalization begins to occur.
From there , it's a long way back home.

It's always best to listen to your intuition / conscience.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

It's because you're a monogamous person. You would be content and happy to never have sex with someone else. The problem is, this obviously isn't how your wife wants to live so you've taken the "If you can't beat them, join them" attitude.

I know my d!ck is 100% attached to my heart and not just for blood. If I don't love my partner, I'm not getting fully erect, period. I've never been able to have a ONS, even though I had opportunities.

I feel for you. I couldn't live the way you are. I'd always feel I was compromising my heart of core beliefs. I wish you luck.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Is this post serious? Take a step back and read the words you typed particularly the last paragraph and then try to think why you're having this issue.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your penis is trying to tell you that the marriage your wife created is not right for you.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

lovestruckout said:


> I'm a married guy, but my relationship is unorthodox at this point with my wife. We have a pseudo open marriage and things just work for us. We're honestly happy


If you were happy, this post wouldn't exist.


lovestruckout said:


> What I've found however, is that I would be the world's worst one night stand candidate. Less a couple of short relationships when I was very young, my wife has really been my only serious relationship for my entire life..


Which explains your attachment to her.


lovestruckout said:


> Given the above, in the limited extra-marital experiences I've been in (we're talking one woman a year or so...I'm not in need to lay pipe left and right), I always have performance anxiety with a new girl. Eventually I get past the nerves and things are normal, but the complex is there and it pisses me off. I'd like to avoid popping a **** pill, though in my case I suppose what's the harm as I'm not looking to conquer the single world and run through many women.


If you were relaxed in this relationship, this wouldn't be an issue. It doesn't sound like you have the psychological process to be in this kind of relationship. 

How often does your wife use her side of the open marriage? Does it bother you?


lovestruckout said:


> I imagine the cause it some combination of nerves/anxiety/guilt/morals...but it's frustrating to say the least. I also think that maybe my body is just on auto pilot when it comes to what I've been used to for so many years. My wife turns me on...we're aggressive in bed, and I know I can get her off with ease. And with the wife, not only do I not have a problem getting it up, but normally I can't even go as long as I'd like to, so erection/cumming is not an issue.


You want your wife to want only you, and so these women don't fill that need. That's my guess.

You can take my opinion, i have a degree in armchair psychology. 


lovestruckout said:


> It's just bizarre to me that one person can get you erect by simply touching your ****, and then another HOT girl can't get you going at all.


Love goggles, a feeling of inadequacy topped with a cherry of "this isn't what I wanted when I got married." 


lovestruckout said:


> And if you are wondering why I'd even be interested in other women when things sound great with the wife...I have a high ability to forgive someone. My wife basically was cheating on me for 15 years or so...not whoring around, but definitely living a bit of an open marriage. She doesn't mind me finding myself a bit, so it is what it is...


If the marriage is still open, I'm going to guess instinctively you don't like the thought of being where many men have gone before. (a cuckold) "Hey, baby i'm going out with tom tonight. Be back tomorrow. Be a dear and pay the electric bill please?" 

Imo it takes a certain kind of emotional detachment in an open relationship. Otherwise someone is gonna run off with someone else, or get their feelings hurt. 

It sounds like you care too much. 

Just by saying "I have a high ability to forgive someone" makes it sound like you're a seriously repressed "nice guy".


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

awake1 said:


> If you were happy, this post wouldn't exist.
> 
> 
> Which explains your attachment to her.
> ...


Open relationship is not for everyone. I don't even call it a relationship. It would be better to be single for most people.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> It's not really performance anxiety,
> Its is Cognitive Dissonance.
> 
> "_..In modern psychology, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel "disequilibrium": frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.._"
> ...


I've never heard that term before today - indeed compartmentalization would begin...separating Love from sex... "it's just an Act"... you can do it with anyone. 

Another example


> *Cognitive Dissonance*>>
> 
> If you've ever told a lie and felt uncomfortable because you see yourself as scrupulously honest, then you've experienced cognitive dissonance. It occurs whenever your view of yourself clashes with your performance in any area....
> 
> you see yourself as smart but can't believe you made such dumb stock investments. Exactly how we choose to resolve the dissonance, and its discomfort, is a good reflection of our mental health. In fact, cognitive dissonance can be a great opportunity for growth.


The sheer sadness in this story is how your wife has hurt you like this...you married a woman who has betrayed you... and you let it go on for 15 yrs....now you are trying to even that score.....or get a little something out of a situation -you have "'accepted" by calling it forgiveness... 

But this has to hurt you to the core, you are trying to cover it up somehow, become numb to it... feeling if you just could get erect for someone else, and be like her... you have arrived somehow... you have conquered this awful thing..... but it's not an awful thing.... you have morals, you have convictions, you have valued boundaries... you are a one woman man... who unfortunately didn't marry a women who treasured that very thing. 

How do you feel about that? 

My husband would not be able to do this either... I think rather highly of him for being this sort of man. I wouldn't want one who could "compartmentalize".

As in anything in life...you could learn to do just that..if you want it bad enough...it's your life, but I agree with CM....it's a slippery Slope and one you won't come easily back to...is this what you really want?


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Because it's a total myth perpetrated by a patriarchal society that men can have sex with anyone at anytime and they don't need to be in love or have a relationship to do so. Some men can, but the vast majority cannot.

You do not have a problem but society makes you feel like you do. After all you are a guy and should be "spreading your seed" all over the place when given the chance and get a rock hard erection whenever a skirt walks by...right? You are not a heartless butthole and there is nothing wring with that! Men thrive on monogamy just as women do.

Edit: i don't mean to imply that men who want sex without attachment are heartless buttholes by the way


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

FemBot said:


> Because it's a total myth perpetrated by a patriarchal society that men can have sex with anyone at anytime and they don't need to be in love or have a relationship to do so. Some men can, but the vast majority cannot.
> 
> You do not have a problem but society makes you feel like you do. After all you are a guy and should be "spreading your seed" all over the place when given the chance and get a rock hard erection whenever a skirt walks by...right? You are not a heartless butthole and there is nothing wring with that! Men thrive on monogamy just as women do.


I usually stay away from statements that start with "perpetrated by a patriarchal society" or the opposite end of the spectrum where men blame "societal changes brought on by extreme feminism" because they tend to be over the top and on the outskirts of the bell curve....BUT..

This post is DEAD ON!!

Growing up, I always felt insecure about myself due to being told (friends, movies, magazines etc) that as a young man, I should be "putting notches on my belt" when in reality I have always ONLY wanted to find the right girl/woman (based on my age at the time) whom I could settle down with and have a tremendously fulfilling relationship, both emotionally and sexually. It took me until I was 30 to come to terms with the fact that...that's who I have always been AND I'm okay with that..even find pride in it. 

SO thank you Fembot...There are A LOT of men who want to find one woman they can spend their life with and not need to "spread their seed" LOL


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I thought cucks always had a hard time performing.

By the way, I like how you phrased it....that you have a "high ability to forgive".


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I thought cucks always had a hard time performing.
> 
> By the way, I like how you phrased it....that you have a "high ability to forgive".


Who identified themself as a "****"?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Who identified themself as a "****"?


The OP. He said that she has an open marriage on her side and that he was very forgiving of that. And when he has the rare chance to try it himself he can't really perform. I'm just reading between the lines.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> The OP. He said that she has an open marriage on her side and that he was very forgiving of that. And when he has the rare chance to try it himself he can't really perform. I'm just reading between the lines.


Cucks normally have that part of their masculinity which allows them to erect and penetrate knocked down or diminished, so it may be hard for them to perform.

The game that the female spouse runs in her mind, is that the cucked husband is quite marginalized compared to the average person on the street, let alone her affair partner bull. He's quite a few notches down from that bull.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

FemBot said:


> Because it's a total myth perpetrated by a patriarchal society that men can have sex with anyone at anytime and they don't need to be in love or have a relationship to do so. Some men can, but the vast majority cannot.
> 
> *You do not have a problem but society makes you feel like you do. After all you are a guy and should be "spreading your seed" all over the place when given the chance and get a rock hard erection whenever a skirt walks by...right? You are not a heartless butthole and there is nothing wring with that! Men thrive on monogamy just as women do.
> *
> Edit: i don't mean to imply that men who want sex without attachment are heartless buttholes by the way


I don't like the term " Patriarchal society" but I agree 100% with the rest of your post!

Sometimes people follow these social constructs mindlessly, and end up hopelessly lost.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

FemBot said:


> Because it's a total myth perpetrated by a patriarchal society that men can have sex with anyone at anytime and they don't need to be in love or have a relationship to do so. Some men can, but the vast majority cannot.


The OP's wife is cheating on him, he's trying to rationalize following suit, and you blame the patriarchy? 2+2<>5.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Growing up, I always felt insecure about myself due to being told (friends, movies, magazines etc) that as a young man, I should be "putting notches on my belt" when in reality I have always ONLY wanted to find the right girl/woman (based on my age at the time) whom I could settle down with and have a tremendously fulfilling relationship, both emotionally and sexually. It took me until I was 30 to come to terms with the fact that...that's who I have always been AND I'm okay with that..even find pride in it.


I think you have it backwards. Putting notches on your belt isn't really what the traditional patriarchy taught. The traditional patriarchy taught that sex should be saved for marriage and marriage should be life long. It wasn't really until the feminist revolution of the 60s that free love and casual sex became virtues.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

FemBot said:


> Because it's a total myth perpetrated by a patriarchal society that men can have sex with anyone at anytime and they don't need to be in love or have a relationship to do so. Some men can, but the vast majority cannot.
> 
> You do not have a problem but society makes you feel like you do. After all you are a guy and should be "spreading your seed" all over the place when given the chance and get a rock hard erection whenever a skirt walks by...right? You are not a heartless butthole and there is nothing wring with that! Men thrive on monogamy just as women do.
> 
> Edit: i don't mean to imply that men who want sex without attachment are heartless buttholes by the way


The only reason guys can't have just sex with any moderately attractive female that walks by is because they have hangups. Social, cultural, conditioned. Stripped of those, a guy becomes naturally attractive initially but less approachable and less easy to connect to for the long term.

Classic movie examples, Clint Eastwood in Spaghetti Westerns, Bruce Willis in Die Hard. Extreme example. Superman. Yeah, really like Lois is ever going to be able to talk to him about her day fighting with the photocopier and have him interested. 

I believe a completely relaxed and confident man can have sex with almost any woman at any time without being in love or in a relationship. The reason you are right and that most men cannot is simply because so very few people are like that. Being totally relaxed and confident is far from normal.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> I think you have it backwards. Putting notches on your belt isn't really what the traditional patriarchy taught. The traditional patriarchy taught that sex should be saved for marriage and marriage should be life long. It wasn't really until the feminist revolution of the 60s that free love and casual sex became virtues.


I think you are speaking of Christianity not patriarchy. A patriarchal society keeps both men and women down by showing us messed up views on sexuality. Feminists tried to show women that sex was not dirty and to be "free" and open.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

GetTough said:


> The only reason guys can't have just sex with any moderately attractive female that walks by is because they have hangups. Social, cultural, conditioned. Stripped of those, a guy becomes naturally attractive initially but less approachable and less easy to connect to for the long term.
> 
> Classic movie examples, Clint Eastwood in Spaghetti Westerns, Bruce Willis in Die Hard. Extreme example. Superman. Yeah, really like Lois is ever going to be able to talk to him about her day fighting with the photocopier and have him interested.
> 
> I believe a completely relaxed and confident man can have sex with almost any woman at any time without being in love or in a relationship. The reason you are right and that most men cannot is simply because so very few people are like that. Being totally relaxed and confident is far from normal.


So the correct way is to not have lasting attachments, but "free" sex with many different people and not forming deep attachments?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> It's not really performance anxiety,
> Its is Cognitive Dissonance.
> 
> "_..In modern psychology, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel "disequilibrium": frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.._"
> ...



^This.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

FemBot said:


> I think you are speaking of Christianity not patriarchy. A patriarchal society keeps both men and women down by showing us messed up views on sexuality.


So, society was patriarchal for thousands of years, but the cabal of men in charge were at odds with the religion they espoused? I don't think so.



> Feminists tried to show women that sex was not dirty and to be "free" and open.


So, feminists want women to feel good about being promiscuous, but not men? And if men are promiscuous, that's a bad thing that the patriarchy is responsible for? I'll just say that I disagree.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> So, society was patriarchal for thousands of years, but the cabal of men in charge were at odds with the religion they espoused? I don't think so.





PHTlump said:


> So, feminists want women to feel good about being promiscuous, but not men? And if men are promiscuous, that's a bad thing that the patriarchy is responsible for? I'll just say that I disagree.


Good point. Full of double standards and hypocricies. I don't know how a promiscous male should be more desireable by a female, that means he screws alot of different people, and doesn't normally get attached.

The same in that I don't really respect it in a woman either.

I mean were promoting sleeping with so many people, but you wouldn't dare eat from the same plate from them or drink after them...

I believe the entire point of feminism promoting promiscuity in women, was so that they don't get attached to any male, for "empowerment" reasons alone.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> I believe the entire point of feminism promoting promiscuity in women, was so that they don't get attached to any male, for "empowerment" reasons alone.


I don't think feminism is promoting promiscuity to avoid male attachment. I think its more about showing men we are your equals in everything. Meaning they are proud to adopt the boneheaded things men do in an effort to say "if its good for you its good for us too". Sad, really.

Look around you. I think the female midlife crisis is just as prevalent as the male one these days. Of course females who abandon their families for meaningless hook ups are just as disgusting as the males who do it.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I don't think feminism is promoting promiscuity to avoid male attachment. I think its more about showing men we are your equals in everything. Meaning they are proud to adopt the boneheaded things men do in an effort to say "if its good for you its good for us too". Sad, really.
> 
> Look around you. I think the female midlife crisis is just as prevalent as the male one these days. Of course females who abandon their families for meaningless hook ups are just as disgusting as the males who do it.


It is stupid. But many men will screw anything they can, even if it's "attached", so those guys promote the direction as well. It's disgusting and dangerous. It was this way when men were doing it too...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

lovestruckout said:


> I'm a married guy, but my relationship is unorthodox at this point with my wife. * We have a pseudo open marriage and things just work for us.* We're honestly happy, and I'm not really interested in debating the rules of marriage or monogamy in this particular post.


That's cool, monogamy (legal or practical) is not for everyone. So, does that bold text above mean that you both have permission to play outside the marriage, or just you?



lovestruckout said:


> What I've found however, is that I would be the world's worst one night stand candidate. Less a couple of short relationships when I was very young, my wife has really been my only serious relationship for my entire life.


It sounds like your wife has had more sex partners since you've been married than you've had in your life. There are two possible explanations for this, you were raised in Church and took it seriously or else you have low testosterone.



lovestruckout said:


> Given the above, in the limited extra-marital experiences I've been in (we're talking one woman a year or so...I'm not in need to lay pipe left and right),


Wait a minute, in your other threads you indicated you were what the Catholics would call "chaste" and your wife was, uh, unchaste. Now you're claiming you've been nailing some strange all along? Did I misunderstand that somewhere?



lovestruckout said:


> I always have performance anxiety with a new girl.


This is free testosterone. YOu're on the low end, most likely. The problem with new girls shouldn't be getting hard, it should be getting too hot and cooking off.



lovestruckout said:


> Eventually I get past the nerves and things are normal, but the complex is there and it pisses me off. I'd like to avoid popping a **** pill, though in my case I suppose what's the harm as I'm not looking to conquer the single world and run through many women.


Why not run through many women, when you have permission and it doesn't conflict with your values. It would definitely make you more attractive to your wife if you were running up a big body count. Most likely you just need to get you testosterone up. It should rise naturally if you can get you body fat % down around 10% or so. You should also do heavy leg presses or squats, if you prefer. These have been proved to raise testosterone and HGH. You're in your 30s right?



lovestruckout said:


> I imagine the cause it some combination of nerves/anxiety/guilt/morals...but it's frustrating to say the least.


This should not be happening. *If your sexual behavior is in conflict with your religious beliefs, you need to get rid of one or the other.* If you have T of around 700 or so and are at ease with yourself and comfortable in your own skin, you should be good to go.




lovestruckout said:


> I also think that maybe my body is just on auto pilot when it comes to what I've been used to for so many years. My wife turns me on...we're aggressive in bed, and I know I can get her off with ease. And with the wife, not only do I not have a problem getting it up, but* normally I can't even go as long as I'd like to,* so erection/cumming is not an issue.


Premature ejaculation is usually a symptom of not enough sex. Get it every day for a couple of weeks 2X daily and that problem will solve. Research into hunter gatherer tribes indicate they interrupt sleep for sex 2 or 3 times nightly.




lovestruckout said:


> It's just bizarre to me that one person can get you erect by simply touching your ****, and then another HOT girl can't get you going at all.


All in your head or your free testosterone levels.



lovestruckout said:


> And if you are wondering why I'd even be interested in other women when things sound great with the wife...I have a high ability to forgive someone. My wife basically was cheating on me for 15 years or so...not whoring around, but definitely living a bit of an open marriage. She doesn't mind me finding myself a bit, so it is what it is...


Prior to the rise of of the women's movement in the 1840s, with the exception of some of the Puritans and some other Christian sects, monogamy for males was only a legal, not practical, expectation, so you are actually doing what is the norm for men throughout history. Of course, doing it with someone else's wife is adultery and can, theoretically, still get you killed if that someone else is high T. You didn't take any action against your OMs, so this is another indicator that you might want to get those levels checked.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> That's cool, monogamy (legal or practical) is not for everyone. So, does that bold text above mean that you both have permission to play outside the marriage, or just you?
> 
> 
> 
> It sounds like your wife has had more sex partners since you've been married than you've had in your life. There are two possible explanations for this, you were raised in Church and took it seriously or else you have low testosterone.


She found her ****, probably instituted affairs once she had this constant provider of affirmation and support.



Machiavelli said:


> Wait a minute, in your other threads you indicated you were what the Catholics would call "chaste" and your wife was, uh, unchaste. Now you're claiming you've been nailing some strange all along? Did I misunderstand that somewhere?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Get the body fat down, get rid of self defeating thoughts, keep your stress down, and have sex... That would keep the test up very high naturally.




Machiavelli said:


> This should not be happening. *If your sexual behavior is in conflict with your religious beliefs, you need to get rid of one or the other.* If you have T of around 700 or so and are at ease with yourself and comfortable in your own skin, you should be good to go.


700 is a great test-o level!





Machiavelli said:


> Premature ejaculation is usually a symptom of not enough sex. Get it every day for a couple of weeks 2X daily and that problem will solve. Research into hunter gatherer tribes indicate they interrupt sleep for sex 2 or 3 times nightly.


Lack of sex or lack of sexual confidence. Lack of sexual confidence could result from having sex with a lady who has cucked you, and literally is begrudgingly feeding the **** a scrap after the bull has had his fill.



Machiavelli said:


> All in your head or your free testosterone levels.
> 
> 
> 
> Prior to the rise of of the women's movement in the 1840s, with the exception of some of the Puritans and some other Christian sects, monogamy for males was only a legal, not practical, expectation, so you are actually doing what is the norm for men throughout history. Of course, doing it with someone else's wife is adultery and can, theoretically, still get you killed if that someone else is high T. You didn't take any action against your OMs, so this is another indicator that you might want to get those levels checked.


Some of those who may consider murder, may have pondered it long enough - and decide it's better to let the OM have her and move on with his life. It's not worth going to jail or having consequences over someone who thinks lowly enough of you to spread her legs for another male.

Machiavelli seems to promote personal responsibility within males, and being a good example of what a man is supposed to be.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

AlphaProvider said:


> So the correct way is to not have lasting attachments, but "free" sex with many different people and not forming deep attachments?


If by correct, you mean politically correct, then just marry and be faithful. The fact that people who marry do not remain married or faithful, by quite a majority proves to me that the politically correct way is not the natural way.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

GetTough said:


> If by correct, you mean politically correct, then just marry and be faithful. The fact that people who marry do not remain married or faithful, by quite a majority proves to me that the politically correct way is not the natural way.


Were animals, but were intelligent.

I didn't say "get married" - but if you profess to be of "christian" and other faiths, many of them do say that.

I said, if you are having sex - it shouldn't be with everyone! People won't even shake peoples hands but they will sleep with them!

Will you eat out of the same plate or drink from the same cup as everyone you sleep with? Most people a big NO.

Most of our society is not "natural", it's all structured and man made.

Are there costs and dangers to having a large amount of sexual partners? Plenty!

Can the need be met through monogomy or a much shorter list and consistent sexual partners, YES.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Some of those who may consider murder, may have pondered it long enough - and decide it's better to let the OM have her and move on with his life. It's not worth going to jail or having consequences over someone who thinks lowly enough of you to spread her legs for another male.


Quite correct. And there are other options, such as the one the OP has probably had provided for him by his wife; i.e. open marriage. The problem here is that the WW has been in a one sided open marriage all along, so its imposition is going to be for whose benefit (assuming it's open for both and not just BH)? A very low rank female can get action in about 10 minutes from multiple higher ranked males for casual sex. However, it's work for 90% of guys to get laid once a week, casually. This is why married frequency, as infrequent as that is for most guys, is still better than their frequency as single men. Hence, round bald engineers paying $$ thousands to learn game in order to score with 4s.



AlphaProvider said:


> Machiavelli seems to promote personal responsibility within males, and being a good example of what a man is supposed to be.


A man needs to consider his options with self awareness within the constraints of his belief system, his emotional and sexual needs, and his capabilities. He also needs to consider provision and guidance for his children.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

To be fair ive seen A LOT of desperate 4s that go home alone. It seems the 8-10s and 1-4s have the hardest time getting hit on. 

If the woman has a much higher attractiveness relative to the husband its basically a one sidee open marriage.

In fact id wager that if all the men ive seen, most are so timid they dont compete. Many single socially awkward men end up married to porn and video games. I think its the 80/20 rule
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

awake1 said:


> To be fair ive seen A LOT of desperate 4s that go home alone. It seems the 8-10s and 1-4s have the hardest time getting hit on.
> 
> If the woman has a much higher attractiveness relative to the husband its basically a one sidee open marriage.
> 
> ...


More so everyday.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> More so everyday.


(Sorry to change the topic in the thread, but I feel it's worth being said.) 
A shame. I think this is why, maybe it seems there's less available men. They simply check out. "nah i'm not going out tonight, i've got a raid on world of wastecraft" 

The socializing is not face to face, so I think after a time many escape into their own little world. 

When they find themselves eventually with someone looking for "beta bucks", they put to practice all the erroneous things they've heard over the years, dooming their relationship. (Or consigning themselves to misery)

Then they figure it's not worth the effort, and try to fill that physical need of intimacy with women on a screen.

But it's like alcoholism. Once you down that bottle, or get that special sword of doom, or watch 4 hours of the latest XXX movie: The problems are still there. Fleeting escape is no solution when permanent antidotes exist. 

By and large these men aren't shackled to the fate of the matrix. They can change themselves, their situation and their life. 

It takes work and effort in a world where instant solutions are the ideal. Unfortunately, like it's always been: If you want to be better, whatever that is, you gotta knuckle up and put the work in. 

(end off topic post)


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> So, society was patriarchal for thousands of years, but the cabal of men in charge were at odds with the religion they espoused? I don't think so.
> 
> 
> So, feminists want women to feel good about being promiscuous, but not men? And if men are promiscuous, that's a bad thing that the patriarchy is responsible for? I'll just say that I disagree.


It's very difficult to have this conversation on a forum! Feminism supports patriarchy by denying femininity. Aligning women with patriarchal values is what it has accomplished. Essentially telling women to deny their femininity to adopt masculine traits, promiscuity being a highly valued symbol of power in the 'fake' masculine aka patriarchy. Not all patriarchal systems are Christian. 

Anyway lots to say but so little time


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

awake1 said:


> (Sorry to change the topic in the thread, but I feel it's worth being said.)
> A shame. I think this is why, maybe it seems there's less available men. They simply check out. "nah i'm not going out tonight, i've got a raid on world of wastecraft"
> 
> The socializing is not face to face, so I think after a time many escape into their own little world.
> ...


Ha,

"Knuckle up" and "put the work in". Sounds like the operation some BH need to do on OM.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

So much discussion, most of which is pretty helpful stuff...

To shed a little more light, yes, I WAS a **** I will admit that. It was more from manipulation than anything else, I'm a good looking guy that "everyone just loves" - (wifes words), so attracting girls was never a problem. I can get whatever number I want, let's just leave it at that. As to why I didn't kick this women to the curb, yup, children are in the picture. I moved out a few years ago, dated my landlord (that's a funny story for another time), and certainly could have gone on my way, but I love my kids too much and realized (for now) that things could be good enough between WW and me that I can go back to the house and unite to enjoy raising the kids together. And again it works (actually last night after a date with WW we decided to be like HS kids and screwed in the parking lot of a grocery store).

I'm different now. She broke me, and in a good way (for me). I don't put up with with sh!t, whether it from her or any other facet of life. And yes, I'm not the type to shoot another guy in the face upon discovery of the affair...that just ruins my life too.

I will get my T levels checked next time I'm getting blood work done, but don't really think I have any issues other than the ones in my brain. I had limited sexual experiences when young (matured late, had bad skin, blah blah blah), married young, and between my rooted morals and connection to this one woman, I think that is really why it's hard for me to 'rise up' to the challenge of a new woman for the 1st time. Limited experiences outside of my comfort zone that I need to work through.

And you don't have to remind me that part of this situation is all kinds of F'ed up, I know it is. But if you are honest with yourself...and many people don't have the balls to truly be honest with themselves, I know that I wouldn't be any happier as a divorced middle aged guy that could slay almost any girl he wants (or date them), at the cost of financial hardship, typical split family relationship with kids, and the other opportunity costs that come with a divorce, esp. when young kids are in the picture.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Were animals, but were intelligent.
> 
> I didn't say "get married" - but if you profess to be of "christian" and other faiths, many of them do say that.
> 
> ...


Excellent ^^^stuff.
Its a whole bunch of useless social constructs.
Its pity so many people are fooled by it , whilst it destroys the lives of even those who actively defends it.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

awake1 said:


> (Sorry to change the topic in the thread, but I feel it's worth being said.)
> A shame. I think this is why, maybe it seems there's less available men. They simply check out. "nah i'm not going out tonight, i've got a raid on world of wastecraft"
> 
> The socializing is not face to face, so I think after a time many escape into their own little world.
> ...


No one can do your push-ups for you.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

FemBot said:


> I think you are speaking of Christianity not patriarchy. A patriarchal society keeps both men and women down by showing us messed up views on sexuality. Feminists tried to show women that sex was not dirty and to be "free" and open.


Pour gasoline around freely, allow fumes to spread...light match...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

lovestruckout said:


> So much discussion, most of which is pretty helpful stuff...
> 
> To shed a little more light, yes, I WAS a **** I will admit that. It was more from manipulation than anything else, I'm a good looking guy that "everyone just loves" - (wifes words), so attracting girls was never a problem. I can get whatever number I want, let's just leave it at that. As to why I didn't kick this women to the curb, yup, children are in the picture. I moved out a few years ago, dated my landlord (that's a funny story for another time), and certainly could have gone on my way, but I love my kids too much and realized (for now) that things could be good enough between WW and me that I can go back to the house and unite to enjoy raising the kids together. And again it works (actually last night after a date with WW we decided to be like HS kids and screwed in the parking lot of a grocery store).
> 
> ...


Huh...why not imagine a Plan C...where you find ANOTHER woman and actually (gasp) marry and have sex and support your kids together and (double gasp) BOTH be monogamous. You don't NEED to be a Lothario. You can find a much happier life for your penis...and your head...

Staying in a frankly uncomfortable and emasculating position isn't doing you any favors. And what you are describing isn't an 'open' anything. She is cheating...and you are doing cost benefit analysis to reconcile yourself to this fact.

Good luck. I personally would change the game.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

My wife would blame the other women and literally kill her then probably me shes also way too good looking to cheat on. Also shes sweet and almost too loving for me to do that to her.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

JCD said:


> Huh...why not imagine a Plan C...where you find ANOTHER woman and actually (gasp) marry and have sex and support your kids together and (double gasp) BOTH be monogamous. You don't NEED to be a Lothario. You can find a much happier life for your penis...and your head...
> 
> Staying in a frankly uncomfortable and emasculating position isn't doing you any favors. And what you are describing isn't an 'open' anything. She is cheating...and you are doing cost benefit analysis to reconcile yourself to this fact.
> 
> Good luck. I personally would change the game.


In a perfect world you are absolutely right. Let's come back to the reality of a few things A) when it comes to kids this is a woman's world, B) leaving to find new love, although awesome in theory, is never simple when you have toddlers in the picture C) living in an apartment near the kids is also far from desirable when you reside in an area with the average home price is roughly $750K...and I can't afford two houses for that dollar amount, D) when you know you are the parent that can better prepare your children for the real world I feel like the more time you are with the kids, the more valuable for them, E) I don't want to imagine the male replacement that would be in the picture if I were to completely leave wife.

I can go on. It's not emasculating nor uncomfortable. The way I describe it in words I can understand people would interpret it this way, but I hold all the chips in this relationship at this point. I don't hold it over my wife's head either. I, like many men in similar but different situations like this, am willing to accept a decently happy life in order for my kids to have a great life. Yes I am putting them ahead of me. I had kids young so my options are fruitful if I were to decide to move on down the road. But now is not the time, at least for me.


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