# someone come get this f'cking computer before I start sending emails



## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Having a bad day here (obviously). I can't even write it out to make sense. Let's just say I'm dangerously close to sending some emails without dignity.

I am so damn sad I can't take it sometimes. If it weren't 11pm and I didn't have two big glasses of wine I'd go run 10 miles or whatever it took to just keel over and not think about emails out of sheer exhaustion.

blech.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

staircase said:


> Having a bad day here (obviously). I can't even write it out to make sense. Let's just say I'm dangerously close to sending some emails without dignity.
> 
> I am so damn sad I can't take it sometimes. If it weren't 11pm and I didn't have two big glasses of wine I'd go run 10 miles or whatever it took to just keel over and not think about emails out of sheer exhaustion.
> 
> blech.



Don't do it! Type it - post here - SIT ON IT - let us pick it apart and stop you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Whoa stair, take a deep breath. What's up? I had an epiphany this evening concerning trust so pretty bad over here too. I hope you keep cool about the emails. You could do what I do with my emails sometimes at work when I'm pissed. I type it out saying all kinds of sh**t, get it all out, type it up and then save it. Dont send it. Then come back later when you are level headed, edit it, tone it down a bit (in my case at work, more professional) then send it. Works for me cause I can type some nasty sh**t when I'm pissed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Step away from the ledge! 
I was in the same spot a few days ago and understand how difficult it is. Thank God I posted mine here instead of clicking on that send button. I still have the urge to send one but now I just ask myself what could I possibly say now that hasn't already been said,would an email accomplish anything at this point? Only thing that would possibly make a difference is if H opened his mind and heart and that ain't happening... yet.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

staircase said:


> Having a bad day here (obviously). I can't even write it out to make sense. Let's just say I'm dangerously close to sending some emails without dignity.
> 
> I am so damn sad I can't take it sometimes. If it weren't 11pm and I didn't have two big glasses of wine I'd go run 10 miles or whatever it took to just keel over and not think about emails out of sheer exhaustion.
> 
> blech.


I find your humor on topic really cute. Does that help? Catchy title!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Heh that always helps.

I was successful in not sending emails. Go me.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

staircase said:


> Heh that always helps.
> 
> I was successful in not sending emails. Go me.



YAY!!!! :smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Step away from the computer!

Remember this rule: When about to explode, don't do anything for 48 hours. If at the end of the 48 hours, you still want to do it, go for it but don't lose your cool.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

omg 48 hours. I feel like a rock star if I can stop myself for 48 minutes when I'm in a mood.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

One way to avoid sending email is to delete the email address period. Unfortunately most people don't want to delete the address and therefore when the temptation arises, they most often falter!

If you can't (or won't) delete the email address, then change some of the characters in the email address (example: if the address is comcast.net ... type in comcast.jrk) so that when you send it, it either comes back undelivered or goes to somewhere in never, never land.

It's like wanting to quit smoking or drinking but you keep a package of smokes/liquor somewhere in your cabinet.

The temptation is ALWAYS there and in a moment of weakness, it's so easy to get to.

Wooshy or Strong willed ...? Which one are You?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

staircase said:


> omg 48 hours. I feel like a rock star if I can stop myself for 48 minutes when I'm in a mood.


Well you better start meditating in the interim 

I had a HOST of emails saved in my Drafts folder while in the divorce process. Sooo many of them ranting, some sad, some saying we could make it, some apologizing, some yelling at him, some crying, so many emails. I did not send any of them but one which I hand-delivered to him. The one that said I was done since I couldn't do it alone. 

I just deleted the rest of them last week. Very happy I didn't send them but they were interesting to read. The highs and lows.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I have a private blog that reads like the rantings of a lunatic. That's where most of my b'tching goes. It feels really good to bang out a giant wall of text filled with venom and hatred.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Staircase, excuse me, I didn't want to hijack your post but I have to vent and didnt want to start a new thread.

I'd like to title this single little post:

THAT F'CKN B****TCH!!!!!! 

My stbxw just threw in my face that I was upset (i wasnt, i was just making a point but as always, anything that doesnt see it her way is wrong) about the fact that she made a little more money than me. BS, started working on our finances and she changed the agreement of eliminating all most of our debt so she can keep money from the house sale to put down on another house. She wants to keep several of the loans going. I don't think she sees that we wont have enough money left over to live decently each mont. The thing that REALLY hurt though was that she actually said to me "if you want me to get ugly, I will" then sheproceeded to tell me that "if you would have taken care of your business before like your doing now you would not be having to worry about expenses now!" in the ugliest look and tone I have ever heard. By business she meant being more affectionate and taking better care of myself. I am f'ckn done with her. How condescending! I am so f'ckn hurt and angry. I don't think she has any idea, she's totally clueless at the things I could say to her that could be irrepairable ugly. Instead, like a dumba$$, I chose to be compassionate and respectful. Why, because I was raised that way, because I tend to remember that she is the mother of my children.

I can't believe I was on my knees at church every day last year praying for this woman to survive her illness; I guess she forgot that while she was being ugly and insensitive. She is so hateful! I don't know how somebody can be like that. No wonder people have been saying to me that it is the best thing that could happen have happened to me - divorce. 

I am so pissed at how stupid she thinks I am because I try to be a decent human being to her. Most people woild apologize once they find out the other person was right; she won't later she will just make an excuse to be right in any instance.

36 years. I don't deserve this. She had a smirk on her face when she THOUGHT I was upset about her income. Has the whole world gone mad?

Somebody, help me with my next step! I would welcome ideas. I'm tied down here financially and can't move out.

Sorry again stair. Thanks I needed that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Staircase, excuse me, I didn't want to hijack your post but I have to vent and didnt want to start a new thread.
> 
> I'd like to title this single little post:
> 
> ...


She wants to keep some 'profit' she can offset it with matching amount of debt. It's only fair!
$10,000 for down payment - sure but $10,000 worth of debt goes to your name only.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Golfergirl, im not following u. she will give me the other half of the profit, which i could use to put in my share of tbe debt and makes monthly payments on her portion. Problem is, the loans are in my name. And even if you put half down, your minimum payment wont go down. So i am afraid that i will have too much debt left to where i will be eating pbj sandwiches for 5 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Golfergirl, im not following u. she will give me the other half of the profit, which i could use to put in my share of tbe debt and makes monthly payments on her portion. Problem is, the loans are in my name. And even if you put half down, your minimum payment wont go down. So i am afraid that i will have too much debt left to where i will be eating pbj sandwiches for 5 years.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I'm confused. If you take profit from sale of house and pay of debt, you are left with 0? And she wants to leave some debt so she can have a chunk of cash to put on a house?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Yes but the debt won't be 0. Only my portion will be 0. That leaves the other half of the many loans for her to pay off. Would'nt care less about that if those loans were not in my name, but they are. So i am a little nervouse about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Yes but the debt won't be 0. Only my portion will be 0. That leaves the other half of the many loans for her to pay off. Would'nt care less about that if those loans were not in my name, but they are. So i am a little nervouse about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get it! I would be nervous too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

brighterlight said:


> Staircase, excuse me, I didn't want to hijack your post but I have to vent and didnt want to start a new thread.
> 
> I'd like to title this single little post:
> 
> ...


I forgot to clarify in my post that during our 36 yr union, I took on 90% of the incurred loan debt, she took on the other expenses like food and usual living expenses. The reason I am so upset about this is because even if she pays her 1/2 of the loans, I am still stuck with them on my credit report so my debt to income ratio looks bad. I have multiple student loans for the kids colleges (they all attended private universities), the cars, thrift 401K loans, etc. I am so pissed that she doesn't see that it will impact me if I want to buy a new home, etc. she will be debt free on her credit report. These are loans we both took on and agreed to pay down together and now she just doesn't get it and is being condescending at the same time. To her it looks like its fair because she is paying off 1/2 of the debt and installments on the remaining debt, to me I am getting the other 1/2 of whatever is left, which on the onset seems fair, but debt balance will be carried on my credit report. I would not have been so upset about this if we hadn't been talking for months about paying off all of the debt or at least 90% of it. I feel like this could go south if she drops another condescending/smart remark on me. She is answering my questions with such a callous tone and demeaner that I can feel the disgust for me radiating from her and it is starting of fester inside of me. I could pull out so many ugly examples of her past but I refuse to do it!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

That blows. We weren't married long enough to be saddled with that sort of crap. Well, the house was mine before the marriage now stbx has the strategic foreclosure on his record, too. 

Good, it's the least I can do after the jerking around he's given me.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> That blows. We weren't married long enough to be saddled with that sort of crap. Well, the house was mine before the marriage now stbx has the strategic foreclosure on his record, too.
> 
> Good, it's the least I can do after the jerking around he's given me.


Yip; at least he can take that forclosure with him. :rofl: Sorry, stair, I know it ain't funny. I wish I could leave my stbx something like that but she will probably come out smelling like a rose - except for the possible loss of a close relationship with her children; I don't want that but it seems likely if she keeps pushing the finance issue too far. I am hurting too.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

BL I hear your pain... stand your ground youve shown tons of integrity on these forums and so I know you have it in real life. My stbxw is so bad with money, some of her friends were trying to convince her that she should get the house (these are the people she's taking her advice from? even she was intelligent to realize she couldn't make the payments... her friends just live in fairytale land where there isn't such things as mortgage payments).

Anyways, yeah I'm saddled with the house, can't afford it myself (just afforded it, had literally a 12 cent surplus on our monthly budget before savings, before she left with her $400 contribution to the finances - half of which is government benefits) so now its move or get a room-mate. Would be a good time to sell I guess... maybe would help letting go of the life I thought we wanted to work towards...


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon, I can relate! I wish I could have kept the house, just have too much debt to pay off. I am not sure I could have stayed in there though with a constant reminder of us. Not that all things were bad in there, we raised our children in that house so it is bittersweet for me. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how my new life will be; not sure yet if I will like it or not. I really need to get myself grounded and get some traction - you know crawl before you walk type of thing. The story is yet to be written but it would be PART II. Good luck to you with the house. Maybe in your case, a roommate wouldn't be such a bad idea if it enables you to keep the house.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I'm trying desperately to get rid of the house we were in. I can't take it anymore. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. 

Ok, I need to be talked off the ledge. I want to send an email begging him to come back. I miss him so much and it's so sad to be without him. I'm writing all this here so I don't actually write it to him. He doesn't love me: he's got a girlfriend. But life is so hard and unhappy, when I'm awake or asleep.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Just think of what his response would be. Don't give up all of your power to a situation where you know you can't win. Write to us all day, and know in a time to be determined everything will come together like it is supposed to, and you will be smelling like a rose. Just give yourself time to heal.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I CAVED LAST NIGHT. Oh god, so mad at myself. had a brief AIM conversation before I was like wtf am I doing. DAMMIT.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

staircase said:


> I CAVED LAST NIGHT. Oh god, so mad at myself. had a brief AIM conversation before I was like wtf am I doing. DAMMIT.


Uh oh.....


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

It's ok, I feel back on track. phew.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

So after I wrote the above thinking, "Ok, I can do this," I drop the kids with the ex and out of nowhere I start BAWLING. Sigh......so he says "I want to talk". I babble something about "What for? The papers are signed. Are you coming back?" He says "Maybe." WTF???? MAYBE??!! Then he tells me about the girlfriend, "She's too young. I don't think it's going to work out." Really. What clued you in Einstein, the fact that you're TWICE HER AGE???? I'm just tired. Tired of feeling this way, tired of the roller coaster, tired of him jerking me around. I think the 180 worked, though I was doing it for ME not HIM because I was feeling so badly about myself. I reinforced that I'm moving to a town 80 miles away if I get a job I've applied for, regardless of what he is doing. He said something about being upset with me posting about his affair on facebook (which I did, and can't find in me to be sorry about really since he is being such an ass) and that I need to be nicer to HIM. Again, REALLY???? No...REALLY? You had the affair, you broke up our family and broke my heart, and I need to be nicer to YOU? Ok, now I'm po'd. As far as I'm concerned, he can EARN his niceness from me. I told him there was a lot of forgiveness that would have to happen on both sides. (because I have 'fault' in the lousy marriage, too). Left it there. Ugh.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Good lord WS, what a load of poo from him. If you are so embarrassed about how an affair reflects on you, I dunno, maybe DON'T HAVE ONE??

and haha be nicer to him. Sure, this is all about you buddy. I am irked for you WS.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

My life is a soap opera, but the characters are a lot less attractive and the cars are cheap. :sleeping: 

The ex apologized today for the MESS he's caused. At least he admitted it. So even though the divorce papers are about to be final, he's saying he wants to work on rebuilding the relationship. Sigh. I said I'm still on track for getting a new job and moving, but if he'd like to work on it, I'm open, but it's going to be SLOW going. He suggested we date, I said that was a good idea. He wants a year to get his life together. Well, ok. Meanwhile, I'll live mine, and we'll see if the two intersect. That's all I can do, you know? The fact is: I have kids, and I still have feelings for him that are not ALL murderous. 

I need someone to tape my mouth shut, not take away my computer


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

yeah, I can see wanting to work on things if he is willing to put in the amount of work he's going to need to put forth.

I think it's good that you're going on with your life and not putting that all on hold.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Yes but the debt won't be 0. Only my portion will be 0. That leaves the other half of the many loans for her to pay off. Would'nt care less about that if those loans were not in my name, but they are. So i am a little nervouse about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So where's the problem? If your portion is meant to be 0 but her half becomes your debt problem on your credit record, can't the lawyer or credit company record this information in a favourable light to your advantage?

It's time folks got together to rid ourselves of these stupid debt credit companies that control our lives and where the information relied upon is often suspect and dodgy since many of these organisations don't even have a decent quality control audit system. So many mistakes and then premium rate lines to foreign lands like the Far East to sort. 

Rubbish data in, rubbish data out. Can't you get that aspect of your agreement sorted. You 0, she got half and you act as guarantor to her half! What kind of deal is that? 

Maybe a set amount needs to be taken from her benefits to ensure you don't get lumbered with her not paying anything, yet you carry all the burden of your record being affected. 

There has to be some way out of this, surely?


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I have had no contact with my husband for 10 days. We are separated and I confronted with more evidence of affair, that evening. Told him I no longer wanted to be friendly, he was a liar, and had hurt me so much, lied so much etc etc. Got out the car, said this is the end of 20 years. Ring my daughter on her mobile as it makes me sick to hear you calling.

Told him I was gonna tell the whole family now as I had kept secrets about him for so long to protect the family. 

I know I must not contact him, but I can't help but be hurt that , he never asks my daughter how I am, or has not txt me. I suppose I made it very clear he was unwanted, and to be honest although I still love what I thought was him, I could not really ever be with him again. Know he does not want to be with me. I have had 3 better days since Monday which was awful. *But i feel he must really hate me not to even wonder how I am, am I really such an awful person*

It is helping me having no contact, but my daughter says he looksvery sad when he comes in the house once a week when I am at work and she spends time with him. Most people on this site seem to get some contact, even close to divorce. I know it often confuses the issue, but I just feel so hurt at present. Why???


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lazarus said:


> So where's the problem? If your portion is meant to be 0 but her half becomes your debt problem on your credit record, can't the lawyer or credit company record this information in a favourable light to your advantage?
> 
> It's time folks got together to rid ourselves of these stupid debt credit companies that control our lives and where the information relied upon is often suspect and dodgy since many of these organisations don't even have a decent quality control audit system. So many mistakes and then premium rate lines to foreign lands like the Far East to sort.
> 
> ...


I hope there is a way put other than. Clearing all debt. I dunno. And yes the credit companies are a joke. I honestly think they are all on the take since creditors can jack up your interest rate in some cases based on that info. Its a vicious cycle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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