# First hearing is tomorrow



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

We have the first hearing with the judge tomorrow. We had been working on a marital settlement agreement. We got everything agreed on except 4 points.

I agreed to joint legal custody but I want physical custody with visitation to him. Our son is special needs and I have him 5 days a week, take full responsiility for his special needs, appointments, therapy, meds, homework, school, etc. My EX picks him up on weekends and has none of these responsibilities, just the fun times.

Religious issues: We've never been to church in our lives but now he wants to start taking our son to "fringe religions". And probably the same church his pregnant OW goes to. I said I wasn't comfortable with that.

He wants me to agree to an end date for spousal support. I said I will not give up my right to collect spousal support (we're in CA, married 13 yrs, I was a SAHM for 9 yrs)

And lastly, contact with his crazy mother and pregnant OW. I asked for something in writing about how these situations will be handled - he flatly refused to put pen to paper.

So I guess tomorrow we go in and tell the judge we can't come to an agreement. What happens next? 

I had petitioned for attorney's fees since he warns 4 times what I do. I expect that will be awarded to me - so if he continues to not want to settle, I am going to hire an attorney and let HIM pay huge bills to fuel his ego.

What would you do in my situation?


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> What would you do in my situation?


I went through something similar last Friday, but first...

Are you talking about an actual trial hearing? Or a pre-trial meeting with the judge? Or is this just a status meeting?

Very different things happen at each, and there are very different next steps after each.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Pbartender said:


> I went through something similar last Friday, but first...
> 
> Are you talking about an actual trial hearing? Or a pre-trial meeting with the judge? Or is this just a status meeting?
> 
> Very different things happen at each, and there are very different next steps after each.


Very first hearing for Legal Separation. I guess its either a status meeting or pre-trial? I filed 6 weeks ago.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

brokenbythis said:


> Very first hearing for Legal Separation. I guess its either a status meeting or pre-trial? I filed 6 weeks ago.


Probably a status meeting to see where things stand.

It could be very difficult to get an agreement regarding the OW's access to your child. No one ever wants to see their child with the OW or the OM but reality is that's generally the case going forward. What he does on his own time with your child, assuming it's not life-threatening, will be up to him.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Openminded said:


> Probably a status meeting to see where things stand.
> 
> It could be very difficult to get an agreement regarding the OW's access to your child. No one ever wants to see their child with the OW or the OM but reality is that's generally the case going forward. What he does on his own time with your child, assuming it's not life-threatening, will be up to him.


I agree. I have no control over this. BUT we were advised by our family therapist that our son not just be thrust into the sitution ie; you are going to have a new sibling, due to his autism and the fact he already thinks daddy left because he's different. My ex wont even write in what the therapist and court mediator recommended. Which is our son gets therapy to prepare him and then he is told the situation then allowed access to the OW.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

UPDATE: Had our hearing this morning. Wow what an interesting experience.

First of all, we came to complete agreement late last night on all issues and finalized the Marital Settlement Agreement and child custody attachments.

I got sole physical custody with ex getting visitation and we share joint legal custody. We agreed no time limit on spousal support. We agreed he will pay my legal fees if any future need arises. We put limits on contact with his mentally ill mother but left out any reference to the OW. I don't care any more and its on him how he handles that situation.

We agreed in writing to see the family therapist once a month to discuss co-parenting issues. Agreed on everything else. I got everything I asked for financially.

So we turn up at court at 8.30 am. About 15 couples/cases waiting to be heard. We were all taken into the courtroom at the same time, then sworn in as a group.

Bailiff asks if there are any parties who have come to agreement on matters and do not need a full hearing. We said "we have". We were told we would be heard among the first. We're the 2nd case to be called. 

Went up to each respective PET/RESP table and the judge pulled our file, had a quick look. Then he read the stipulation we had prepared, didn't even look at the Marital Settlement Agreement (16 pages long). He then asked us "is this in line with the child custody mediator's recommendations?" We said no but we had come to complete agreement on everything anyway.

He said, ok I'll sign off on this now. He signed, shuffled some papers, and said "Final judgement for legal separation entered today".

The bailiff gave us each a copy of the paperwork and we were done. Whole thing took about 3 minutes. DONE. Amazing. 

We were tempted to hang around and watch the nasty cases fight it out just out of curiousity but we both decided just to go into work instead.

So I am now Legally Separated and it feels good, even if I was a little sad .. it's all over.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I'm very proud of you Broken. Glad that you pretty much got what you wanted in agreement too.


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