# Describe your ideal wife



## mrsluvmyhub

Men, especially husbands, please describe for me YOUR ideal wife. I don't mean how she looks, I mean how she behaves and how she spends her time, etc.

I really want to be a better wife for my husband, but he doesn't give me any insight when I ask him how I can improve. (There is LOTS of room for improvement, I just don't know what is worth spending time improving.) I think because he is mostly focused on his work and being stressed with that at times, he doesn't really think about where I fall short. That is nice for me, but I want to improve!

We are married 12 years with 4 children 11 and under, 1 not at school yet. I'm a stay at home mum.


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## Personal

A wife who is confident in herself. To the point that she doesn't feel she has to improve herself, since she feels she falls short in various ways.

Instead of trying to fix yourself, perhaps you could instead spend some of your time finding other things that capture your imagination and interest.

At the end of the day, I think you should like being you.


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## arbitrator

*Ol' Arb's "perfect wife?" 

One of exuberance, altruism, confidence, and fearlessness!

She would have to be a most-loving, caring, woman with just a few other built-in caveats: specifically, be educated, articulate, God-loving, and who would never be afraid to ever put me or anybody else in our proper places if our dumba$$ sides ever were to remotely surface!

An "easy-on-the-eyes," "touchy-feely" lady who knows that the God-given gift of sex is to be simply and unselfishly used as an overt expression of the love found deep within her heart; never to be used as any kind of a bargaining chip to further her own causes or agenda!

One who is just as mutually and fiercely faithful to her mate as the day is long!

In pondering this, it sounds like that might possibly be just a tad too close to perfection and greatly makes me wonder if God has yet to create such a woman of that graceful magnitude!

Maybe He'll surprise me well before I'm finally called upon by Him to make that fateful appointment to kick that final "bucket" between the goalposts of life!*


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## Andy1001

arbitrator said:


> *Ol' Arb's "perfect wife?"
> 
> One of exuberance, altruism, confidence, and fearlessness!
> 
> She would have a most-loving, caring, woman with just a few built-in caveats: educated, articulate, God-loving, and who would never be afraid to ever put me in my place if my dumba$$ side ever were to surface!
> 
> An "easy-on-the-eyes," "touchy-feely" lady who knows that the God-given gift of sex is to be simply and unselfishly used as an overt expression of the love found deep within her heart; never to be used as any kind of a bargaining chip to further her own causes or agenda!
> 
> One who is just as mutually and fiercely faithful to her mate as the day is long!
> 
> In pondering this, it sounds like that might possibly be just a tad too close to perfection and greatly makes me wonder if God has yet to create such a woman of that graceful magnitude!
> 
> Maybe He'll surprise me well before I'm finally called upon by Him to make that fateful appointment to kick that final "bucket" between the goalposts of life!*


That silver tongue of yours is still working well Arb.God help the ladies at your church if you get your second wind.lol.


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## arbitrator

Andy1001 said:


> That silver tongue of yours is still working well Arb. God help the ladies at your church if you get your second wind.lol.


*Thanks for those most kind words, Andy!*


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## Andy1001

A man wants a wife who is beautiful and always looks her best.
He wants a wife that is a good cook and keeps the house spotless.
He wants a wife to give him beautiful children.
He wants a wife that loves having sex with him and is open to anything in the bedroom.
He wants a wife that earns lots of money and lets him control all the finances.
He wants a wife that is kind,emphatic and just "gets him".
Problem is that's five wives too many.


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## Ynot

Don't concern yourself with being the best wife you can be. Being a wife is just a role and one that will change throughout your life. OTOH you will always be you. Focus on being the best you, you can be. Learn new things, try new things, expand your boundaries and your knowledge.


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## Satya

Odo (my husband) says it's all about *attitude.*


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## ericthesane

A man would like a woman that:

Is a confidante; someone that he can share his fears, and dreams and desires and doubts with, freely, and who equally shares her own with understanding, with purpose and with the idea that I will fight FOR you, I will fight WITH you, but, I will not fight YOU. 

Is a friend: someone that he can share hobbies and passions with (albeit still giving room for their own interests), who he can laugh with and commiserate with, who can share a meal and the good conversation, and who realize that conversation is a two way street.

Is a lover: someone that with enthusiasm, frequency and energy makes him feel like a MAN, someone that welcome and CRAVE his advances.

A smart man will make sure that any one of them, never meet the other two.

A very lucky man will find all three of them in the same woman.


It is not really all THAT complicated, is it ?


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## Wolf1974

Faithful


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## Andy1001

If you can look at a photograph and say this is my best friend,and the most beautiful woman I know and the love of my life.
And there is only one person in the photo.


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## Bremik

I would contend that the fact you are TRYING to be the best wife you can be means you are already one of the best. As long as your not being guilted by your husband to believe you need to be better then you are doing. If your are having a guilt trip put on you then please explain as this would change your reasoning for asking and most likely the answers you receive.

Companionship, trust, sex , happiness all "naturally" come together if both partners are equally invested and trying.


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## Thor

A wife who makes her husband feel special, loved, wanted, and respected.

I would recommend some of the excellent marriage relationship books. "5 Love Languages" first and foremost. "Getting the Love You Want", "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Hold Me Tight" would be some others.

Generally speaking, men want their wife to respect them and to desire them sexually. If he feels that from you he will probably be very happy. Also, men generally need what they call "domestic support", meaning a wife who is good with the house and kids. Men and women seem to naturally have different abilities and awareness of domestic things. This may be a need he isn't consciously aware of but if the home arena is well organized it probably helps him feel "at home" with you. You can certainly organize a to-do list for him so he does his share of the work, but he may need you to organize things rather than wait for him to see the carpet needs to be vacuumed.

Going back to "5 Love Languages", most men are high on Touch and Quality Time. I like the book but it isn't perfect or comprehensive, though it is a great start. Touch can be hugs, sex, holding hands, leaning against him on the couch watching tv, putting your hand on his shoulder if you walk up behind him while he's sitting at the table or using the computer, etc. Quality time is doing stuff with him. So when he goes to the hardware store to get some nails, just go with him! Don't run off in a different direction in the store to get a few things on your list, walk around the store with him to get all the things on both of your lists. Realize that (if he is a Quality Time person) just doing something with you is bonding for him. Walking the dog together. You see it as a chore and would do it alone or send him alone to do it, but if you go together it makes him feel loved.

As a quick editorial note, I think they got sex wrong in "5 Love Languages". Jmho, but sex is a separate category which entails any or all of the other 5. Words of Affirmation can be part of sex. Sex isn't just Touch.

If your husband likes to play a sport, go with him to a game and cheer him on. Or, go to the store with him when he buys a new piece of gear. Show interest when he explains something about it. This Quality Time is very similar to how women need someone to just listen sometimes. You don't want him to fix anything, you just want him to listen and hear you while you tell him about something. Same thing here, just show interest in that thing he is talking about because it will make him feel respected. That's your motivation for being interested. Not that you should feign interest sitting through hours of watching a cricket match every week (I picked the most boring sport I could think of, sorry friends from the UK!). The sport is still his thing, not yours, but he sees you respect his interest and knowledge of it.


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## uhtred

There is a huge variation in this. For me:

I want a wife who wants me but doesn't need me. Someone who is with me out of choice, not because she couldn't leave if she wanted to

I want a wife who loves and respects me, and who I can love and respect. 

I want a wife with a sense of adventure, interest in trying new things, going new places. 

I want a wife who is smart and interesting. 

I want a wife with an occupation that is meaningful.

I want a wife who greatly enjoys sex and is adventuresome in the bedroom.


I have all of those but the last.


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## jb02157

I think about this daily...since my wife is so far from ideal. She would have to be really into me, be my best friend, be a generally friendly person, enjoy being together, enjoy sex, want to do it more than once or twice a month and initiate half the time. She would have to have a successful career, not rely on me for money and want to build a future together with what we both earn. She would also have to be a Christian woman and conduct herself accordingly (not swearing and threatening me and the kids all the time). She would have to be a mother to her children and not their worst enemy. She would also have to keep a clean house.

I'll stop right there since I know this person doesn't exist.


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## jorgegene

there are lot's of great qualities in a wife and most of them are described above.

but the first thing that popped into my head (besides looks, which is obvious) is a Tom Petty cover of the song "she's a woman in love'.

in the song, Petty describes a woman who (at least used to be) 'lets the little things go'. 

I can tell you, many, many men appreciate a woman who doesn't nag, get after her man all the time, press him unduly and just let's 'the little things go'.


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## TaDor

Trick question. What works for me or other guys here doesn't mean it works for your husband.

Some guys want a strong woman as their wife. Some want a Slave or submissive (not bdsm) some want an equal.

To bad your husband isn't talking much... It's not healthy for the marriage.

Easy list for me and I gather typical guys.
Sex. Cooking and not nagging. 

If a woman can cook... Keep her.


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## TaDor

jb02157 said:


> I think about this daily...since my wife is so far from ideal. -- edit down --
> 
> I'll stop right there since I know this person doesn't exist.


Nobody is perfect. But I have little to complain about my wife. I wish she and I were not stressed. That she thinks she needs Breast enlargement (wants to go from A to C) and some minor crap that I can't think about at the moment.


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## jb02157

TaDor said:


> Trick question. What works for me or other guys here doesn't mean it works for your husband.
> 
> Some guys want a strong woman as their wife. Some want a Slave or submissive (not bdsm) some want an equal.
> 
> To bad your husband isn't talking much... It's not healthy for the marriage.
> 
> Easy list for me and I gather typical guys.
> Sex. Cooking and not nagging.
> 
> If a woman can cook... Keep her.


My wife is a great cook but a disaster in every other category.


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## Andy1001

TaDor said:


> Trick question. What works for me or other guys here doesn't mean it works for your husband.
> 
> Some guys want a strong woman as their wife. Some want a Slave or submissive (not bdsm) some want an equal.
> 
> To bad your husband isn't talking much... It's not healthy for the marriage.
> 
> Easy list for me and I gather typical guys.
> Sex. Cooking and not nagging.
> 
> If a woman can cook... Keep her.


My partner can't cook.But everything else......
And I allready have a cook.


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## Thor

If I had to distill it down to something pithy, it would be a woman who makes me feel like I am #1 in her book for everything.


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## SunCMars

How can I add anything to these great posts.
To do so would be to repeat and echo. OK...I shall and add.

Yes, these.
A wife who is:

a] Friendly....with everyone. Is not a hater. 
b] Calm
c] Smart
d] Happy in her own skin
e] COMPATIBLE.....for me, loves to exercise, is not a couch potato....what? Run, bike, swim, walk, hike mountains, scuba dive, canoe/kayak, camping, skiing, cross country skiing. When she gets old, she does them slower, as do I.
f] Loves me for what and who I am. Enjoys sex and plenty of it, in safe, quiet places, unexpected. In a tent, in the woods while hiking. At night in the backyard while looking up at the stars.
g] 100% loyal...to me, our children. 
h] Fears God, but little else. Is not afraid to travel, to explore the world.
i] Has Faith...is optimistic....not foolishly so, of course.
j] Loves to travel...everywhere reasonable. From the Yukon to the Bahamas, to Israel, to Patagonia, to Aussie Land, Iceland, eastern Europe..whatever we can afford. Is not afraid to get wet, muddy and cold.
k] Is somewhat frugal. Is willing to stay in regular hotels 
l] A good money manager. At the same time willing to enjoy life.
m] Has a good outlook on life. Is thankful for being alive.
n] Is loyal in sickness and in health.

Naturally, I should be happy and obliged to be the person that she wants. It takes two.


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## Luvher4life

There is no such thing as "perfect" when it comes to human beings, let alone a spouse. We are ALL flawed, and will continuously fall short of whatever "perfect" may be.

As long as both spouses are fully invested in the other emotionally, physically, and spiritually, there will be fewer "flaws" that become problems. A "perfect" wife will do anything she can to please her husband, and most of the time without even being asked to. A "perfect" wife is a best friend, a confident', and someone who is extremely loyal to their husband even when they disagree. She is self-confident, but can be vulnerable, too. She will have fervor, zeal, passion, and be adventurous when it comes to anything that she knows pleases her husband. She never says no. She knows what she likes and is not afraid to ask. She has PASSION in everything she does whether it's sex, child rearing, cooking, housework, etc. She knows how to communicate with her husband both in verbal and nonverbal cues. She can be independent when she needs to be, can make the tough decisions when they are needed, and makes her husband feel wanted. She is God fearing, absolutely adores her husband, and her children. She is a positive role model and influence on those around her. She takes care of herself physically, yet is unafraid of letting her hair down. She knows that she is flawed and makes mistakes, and apologizes accordingly, and is not afraid to point out her husbands mistakes in a positive way so that he can do the same. She is happy, peaceful, and content, and instills the same in her husband.

There will always be things we can improve upon. It's a learning process, as well as a growing process. Your focus on being the "perfect" wife is admirable, and something all men "want", albeit unrealistic. Just the idea that you "want" to be perfect is ideal. That means you are willing to put in the effort, which in turn means you are a VERY good wife already, in my opinion.

My advise would be to keep on the path you are on, and improve on things that need work. To be honest, your "all in" qualities are what ALL men want. Even what you might see as flaws become admirable traits when you have a good attitude about it.


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## Steve1000

mrsluvmyhub said:


> Men, especially husbands, please describe for me YOUR ideal wife. I don't mean how she looks, I mean how she behaves and how she spends her time, etc.
> 
> I really want to be a better wife for my husband, but he doesn't give me any insight when I ask him how I can improve. (There is LOTS of room for improvement, I just don't know what is worth spending time improving.) I think because he is mostly focused on his work and being stressed with that at times, he doesn't really think about where I fall short. That is nice for me, but I want to improve!
> 
> We are married 12 years with 4 children 11 and under, 1 not at school yet. I'm a stay at home mum.


The fact that you even care to pose such a question shows that you are probably already a very good wife. Other people's answers are interesting, but the only answer that would be very helpful is your husband's. I could give you my list, but your husband very well might not find those traits to be good traits.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Isn't the real definition of the 'perfect wife' one who has wild passionate sex with you all night and then turns into a pizza and 6-pack at midnight?


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## Thound

My wife, but she loves me.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Isn't the real definition of the 'perfect wife' one who has wild passionate sex with you all night and then turns into a pizza and 6-pack at midnight?


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## 225985

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Isn't the real definition of the 'perfect wife' one who has wild passionate sex with you all night and then turns into a pizza and 6-pack at midnight?




You left out the chocolate chip cookies.


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## Max.HeadRoom

sally from nightmare before Christmas


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## harrybrown

loving, faithful,good boundaries.

like sex with me, and even sometimes initiates.

positive outlook. 



you have your hands full already with 4 kids.

He should be very happy.


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## Steve1000

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Isn't the real definition of the 'perfect wife' one who has wild passionate sex with you all night and then turns into a pizza and 6-pack at midnight?


They also must be able to reincarnate the next morning before breakfast.


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## Steve1000

TaDor said:


> Trick question. What works for me or other guys here doesn't mean it works for your husband.
> 
> Some guys want a strong woman as their wife. Some want a Slave or submissive (not bdsm) some want an equal.
> 
> To bad your husband isn't talking much... It's not healthy for the marriage.
> 
> Easy list for me and I gather typical guys.
> Sex. Cooking and not nagging.
> 
> If a woman can cook... Keep her.


Cooking is a nice bonus, but nothing vital for me.


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## lovelygirl

Andy1001 said:


> A man wants a wife who is beautiful and always looks her best.
> He wants a wife that is a good cook and keeps the house spotless.
> He wants a wife to give him beautiful children.
> He wants a wife that loves having sex with him and is open to anything in the bedroom.
> He wants a wife that earns lots of money and lets him control all the finances.
> He wants a wife that is kind,emphatic and just "gets him".
> Problem is that's five wives too many.


Andy, your list is surreal. Such wife hardly ever exists. I think OP wants to know your ideal wife WITHIN reality, not imagination. 

Also, if you want the wife just like the one on your list, then you MUST be just as good as her with all those characteristics or BETTER. If you have even 1 of those missing in you, then she won't even consider you.

Not trying to judge you, but I dislike it when men want a SUPERWOMAN to be everything and do everything... then the man? What does he do? He simply enjoys her? 

That's not how it works.


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## lovelygirl

TaDor said:


> Trick question. What works for me or other guys here doesn't mean it works for your husband.
> 
> Some guys want a strong woman as their wife. Some want a Slave or submissive (not bdsm) some want an equal.
> 
> To bad your husband isn't talking much... It's not healthy for the marriage.
> 
> Easy list for me and I gather typical guys.
> *Sex. Cooking and not nagging. *
> 
> If a woman can cook... Keep her.


Lol...it reminded me of the expression "Shut the f*ck up and get back in the kitchen..! "

See, I don't know but I find it offensive to expect a wife to know how to cook (although it's pretty normal) because it makes me feel like he expects me to be a servant in the house. I'd rather he not mention the cooking thing at all. 

But that's me. Nothing wrong with you.


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## lovelygirl

TaDor said:


> Nobody is perfect. But I have little to complain about my wife. I wish she and I were not stressed. That she thinks she needs Breast enlargement (wants to go from A to C) and some minor crap that I can't think about at the moment.


Is it a turn off for you when a woman says she wish she changed a physical feature? Does it make her appear like she's not confident? 
Or it depends on how much she complains about it and how she deals with it.


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## Andy1001

lovelygirl said:


> Andy, your list is surreal. Such wife hardly ever exists. I think OP wants to know your ideal wife WITHIN reality, not imagination.
> 
> Also, if you want the wife just like the one on your list, then you MUST be just as good as her with all those characteristics or BETTER. If you have even 1 of those missing in you, then she won't even consider you.
> 
> Not trying to judge you, but I dislike it when men want a SUPERWOMAN to be everything and do everything... then the man? What does he do? He simply enjoys her?
> 
> That's not how it works.


Ok.I will leave out the cooking and the money.I have a housekeeper and I make enough money.She gave me a beautiful baby two weeks ago so I will leave that out too.So there is my expectations cut by fifty percent.I think I'm being very reasonable.
On a completely different topic do you have a sense of humour at all.


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## lovelygirl

Andy1001 said:


> Ok.I will leave out the cooking and the money.I have a housekeeper and I make enough money.She gave me a beautiful baby two weeks ago so I will leave that out too.So there is my expectations cut by fifty percent.I think I'm being very reasonable.
> *On a completely different topic do you have a sense of humour at all.*


Yes I do. 

Just not with you.


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## Buddy400

mrsluvmyhub said:


> Men, especially husbands, please describe for me YOUR ideal wife. I don't mean how she looks, I mean how she behaves and how she spends her time, etc.
> 
> I really want to be a better wife for my husband, but he doesn't give me any insight when I ask him how I can improve. (There is LOTS of room for improvement, I just don't know what is worth spending time improving.) I think because he is mostly focused on his work and being stressed with that at times, he doesn't really think about where I fall short. That is nice for me, but I want to improve!
> 
> We are married 12 years with 4 children 11 and under, 1 not at school yet. I'm a stay at home mum.


Based on your comments elsewhere, you ARE (or have become) the perfect wife; at least as far as sex goes (and that' generally a man's greatest need).

Toss in a words of admiration and always being on his side when in the presence of others if you want to go for the trifecta.


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## Andy1001

lovelygirl said:


> Yes I do.
> 
> Just not with you.


Well why did you not realise the list was a joke.Nobody else took it seriously and I posted it before 6am.Im not trying to be a smart ass,I thought you were jerking my chain and was trying to play along.If I offended you I apologise.


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## Haiku

I'm not sure if being well adjusted or not is something we're born with or it's what we become as a result of the company we keep. 

A person content with themself and reasonably well adjusted is probably less filled with the inner argument that leads to conflict. 

I'm of the thought that my best shot to find such a person is to be as well adjusted as I can be first. If not, I could bring the worst out in her or the worst in myself. I don't feel it means we must have perfect pasts but rather a profound understanding of how we got to where we are.


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## Thundarr

mrsluvmyhub,
it's a combination of obvious cliches mixed with little things. Some of the obvious are honestly, trust, security, safety, etc. I need her to be trusting of me as well and just as I understand she's not perfect, she understands that I am not either. I want her to have a kind heart; not just to me but to others around her. The want her to be humble and confident at the same time which is a hard thing to be. I want to be someone I respect and admire. This happens naturally from me seeing her try to be a good mom, good daughter, good wife, and good person. I want her to need me; not because she's emotionally weak but instead because she's emotionally plugged in.

Here's one example of my wife that has made me respect and trust her. When she says she will do something then she does it and I mean the thousands of little things that don't always seem important. In noticing this about her, she's taught me to do the same. So she makes me a better me.


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## TaDor

lovelygirl said:


> TaDor said:
> 
> 
> 
> Nobody is perfect. But I have little to complain about my wife. I wish she and I were not stressed. That she thinks she needs Breast enlargement (wants to go from A to C) and some minor crap that I c..an't think about at the moment.
> 
> 
> 
> Is it a turn off for you when a woman says she wish she changed a physical feature? Does it make her appear like she's not confident?
> Or it depends on how much she complains about it and how she deals with it.
Click to expand...

Both. Like most people, the breasts are an important aspect of being a woman. Both men and women care about size.

To me, I'm not concerned about size but look and feel... And I prefer natural. I've had my fun with perfect fake D cups on a few women. They look and feel strange. There are more shallow guys who live for fake breasts... Bigger is better.

I'm the first man who made her the most comfortable about how she feels about her body... But still wants bigger.

The other post I made about sex and cooking. Is both semi serious and tounge in cheek. It's a lot more complicated than that. A perfect hot chick that cooks but is snotty and rude wouldn't be GF material to me... At most a ONS. And I've dumped possible ONS because I thought they were snotty. Some guys just care about looks... And will marry it. Orange thing.


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## uhtred

I think it depends. In a traditional marriage there are expectations on both the husband and wife. Expecting the wife to know how to cook doesn't seem any more unreasonable than expecting the husband to know how to do plumbing and carpentry. 

I don't personally like /want a traditional marriage, but its OK for those who do. 

I do want my wife to have a set of skills / talents and she does. I have my own and it would not be a good marriage for either if there was a huge imbalance in what each could contribute. 




lovelygirl said:


> Lol...it reminded me of the expression "Shut the f*ck up and get back in the kitchen..! "
> 
> See, I don't know but I find it offensive to expect a wife to know how to cook (although it's pretty normal) because it makes me feel like he expects me to be a servant in the house. I'd rather he not mention the cooking thing at all.
> 
> But that's me. Nothing wrong with you.


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## Married but Happy

In addition to the obvious physical attraction requirement, my ideal wife is *easy* to get along with. Meaning we have compatible values, attitudes, beliefs, and goals. We share enough interests that it's easy to find things to do together or discuss that we both enjoy, so it's easy to be together. She is warm, kind, compassionate, intelligent, creative, adventurous, responsible, and rational. Sex is easy, too, because we are attracted to each other, mutually want to please each other, and have a comparable libido.

Bonus points: athletic; has done martial arts; is agnostic/atheist/Buddhist or not religious; likes to travel; employed; self-motivated; into self-improvement/personal growth.

I don't care if she can cook; I don't care about a meticulous housekeeper as long as she's clean, and not a slob; I don't care if she has advanced education (but it would be nice).


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## Mr.Fisty

Emma Watson except with red hair. A possible android that I can program all the traits I want. For example, high maintenance, super critical, but as long as they are sexy, I can live with it just because in terms of attraction they are far above me. I like the challenge to see how low my self-esteem can sink.


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## uhtred

Actually I left out the most important: Happy. 

To a large extent if the person I love is happy, I'm happy.


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## mrsluvmyhub

Thank you men for sharing your thoughts! This has given me a lot of things to think about and I am very challenged by some of the traits. I'll definitely be reading through them again a few times. A lot of great ideas to digest. ie. how I can get envolved with his hobbies - computer games (playing and watching YouTube of other people playing) and gardening.

Need to revisit the 5 Love Languages book again as it has been many years. I think hubby was Physical Touch and Acts of Service (definitely not Quality Time, lol).

I cook his dinner (for the whole family) but not any other meals. I have noticed that he is slightly frustrated every work day morning looking for something to take for lunch (that's instant for him to grab and go). I know he would appreciate it (but not express it) if I made his lunch every day. I could do it, as I make the kids' lunch every evening. Need to get over my attitude of not wanting to make his lunch. Not sure why I feel that way though!! Maybe just because it's another thing on my long list of things to be done. I think it will really bless him if I do it regularly. Need to fix my attitude on that!

Perhaps I should make a shortlist of some of the qualities that you all have suggested and ask hubby to priorotise them, to find out which things matter to him the most. I think that will be easier for him than being put on the spot having to think things up.


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## mrsluvmyhub

Oh and before anyone suggests that he should make his own lunch... well he is capabale of doing that (cooking or making a sandwich) and he sometimes does. But most of the time he doesn't do it. He wants something to grab and go. He often ends up buying lunch, when he can't find something easy at home.


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## manwithnoname

To sum it up, you can't get more ideal than wanting to be an ideal wife for your husband. You would just have to make the necessary adjustments.


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## Married but Happy

mrsluvmyhub said:


> Oh and before anyone suggests that he should make his own lunch... well he is capabale of doing that (cooking or making a sandwich) and he sometimes does. But most of the time he doesn't do it. He wants something to grab and go. He often ends up buying lunch, when he can't find something easy at home.


If he has a refrigerator and microwave available at work, frozen dinners can work well for grab and go. This is what I often do - grab a drink, a snack and a frozen entrée and I'm out the door. Even canned soup or stew can work. There are some reasonably healthy choices, but of course not like home-made. We used to cook together on weekends to have stuff to take for lunch for at least a few days, but weekend time is precious so we don't do that as often now.


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## Thor

mrsluvmyhub said:


> Oh and before anyone suggests that he should make his own lunch... well he is capabale of doing that (cooking or making a sandwich) and he sometimes does. But most of the time he doesn't do it. He wants something to grab and go. He often ends up buying lunch, when he can't find something easy at home.


If Acts of Service is one of his top LL, making his lunch may be a valuable use of your time. And perhaps there is some tradeoff where you could stop doing something else to unburden yourself some.

If Quality Time is not high on his list, you spending time watching gaming with him is probably not a valuable use of your time.


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## uhtred

I think the most important thing is to learn what matters to him. Its so easy to fall into the trap of doing things for your partner that *you* care about but they may not. 

It can be tricky. My wife is an excellent cook and I thank her for making dinner. The thing is, dinner really isn't important to me so while I appreciate her effort and skill, I try to find a way to let her know that I don't want her to work so hard at it because it means a lot less to me than other things she might do.



mrsluvmyhub said:


> Thank you men for sharing your thoughts! This has given me a lot of things to think about and I am very challenged by some of the traits. I'll definitely be reading through them again a few times. A lot of great ideas to digest. ie. how I can get envolved with his hobbies - computer games (playing and watching YouTube of other people playing) and gardening.
> 
> Need to revisit the 5 Love Languages book again as it has been many years. I think hubby was Physical Touch and Acts of Service (definitely not Quality Time, lol).
> 
> I cook his dinner (for the whole family) but not any other meals. I have noticed that he is slightly frustrated every work day morning looking for something to take for lunch (that's instant for him to grab and go). I know he would appreciate it (but not express it) if I made his lunch every day. I could do it, as I make the kids' lunch every evening. Need to get over my attitude of not wanting to make his lunch. Not sure why I feel that way though!! Maybe just because it's another thing on my long list of things to be done. I think it will really bless him if I do it regularly. Need to fix my attitude on that!
> 
> Perhaps I should make a shortlist of some of the qualities that you all have suggested and ask hubby to priorotise them, to find out which things matter to him the most. I think that will be easier for him than being put on the spot having to think things up.


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## Mrs.Sav

lovelygirl said:


> Lol...it reminded me of the expression "Shut the f*ck up and get back in the kitchen..! "
> 
> See, I don't know but I find it offensive to expect a wife to know how to cook (although it's pretty normal) because it makes me feel like he expects me to be a servant in the house. I'd rather he not mention the cooking thing at all.
> 
> But that's me. Nothing wrong with you.


And here I was thinking I was the only one who thought a man who asks or expects it of his woman was offensive. It's the equivalent of also asking "do you do laundry/fold clothes?" 

True story: I went on a (first and LAST) date with a handsome man close to 50 years old. He asked if I knew how to cook, I told him no. His reply: "then what good are you? hahaa" I immediately figured out why he was still single. It also gave me a little insight into his mentality and I was also appalled that he actually thought it was funny. Needless to say, I was not amused.


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## Andy1001

Mrs.Sav said:


> And here I was thinking I was the only one who thought a man who asks or expects it of his woman was offensive. It's the equivalent of also asking "do you do laundry/fold clothes?"
> 
> True story: I went on a (first and LAST) date with a handsome man close to 50 years old. He asked if I knew how to cook, I told him no. His reply: "then what good are you? hahaa" I immediately figured out why he was still single. It also gave me a little insight into his mentality and I was also appalled that he actually thought it was funny. Needless to say, I was not amused.


The correct answer was "I don't know,I've never tried".


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## lovelygirl

Mrs.Sav said:


> And here I was thinking I was the only one who thought a man who asks or expects it of his woman was offensive. It's the equivalent of also asking "do you do laundry/fold clothes?"
> 
> True story: I went on a (first and LAST) date with a handsome man close to 50 years old. He asked if I knew how to cook, I told him no. His reply: "then what good are you? hahaa" I immediately figured out why he was still single. It also gave me a little insight into his mentality and I was also appalled that he actually thought it was funny. Needless to say, I was not amused.


Yeah, he made you feel like your place was in the kitchen. 

It'd also be equivalent if you asked him "Do you earn a lot of money? Are you a good provider?"
How would this make him feel?


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## lovelygirl

mrsluvmyhub said:


> Thank you men for sharing your thoughts! This has given me a lot of things to think about and I am very challenged by some of the traits. I'll definitely be reading through them again a few times. A lot of great ideas to digest. ie. *how I can get envolved with his hobbies - computer games (playing and watching YouTube of other people playing) and gardening.
> *


It's good to engage in hobbies, but do you have some of your own? 
Trying to seek his attention and engaging in his hobbies might suffocate him.
He'd be happier if you did things for your own pleasure as well.


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## Mrs.Sav

Andy1001 said:


> The correct answer was "I don't know,I've never tried".


Sorry, but i didn't know that there was a "correct" answer to a question like that.


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## Celtic

At 15 my ideal wife liked the exact same things as I did (video games and comic books). She didn't talk to other guys because she was too in love with me, she didn't have any friends so she would spend all her time with me. She also had huge boobs.

At 23 my ideal wife was wise enough to see through 'The Man' and would rebel against the system. She would sometimes speak to other guys if she really had to but would always remind them how much she was committed to me, she didn't bother with any friends because we'd spend all our time backpacking around the globe. She too had huge boobs.

At 28 my ideal wife had a good career and was perfectly free from any vices or what I considered negative habits. She would always agree with me, especially in front of other men, and would shower me with praise in front of her family and friends. She would be the perfect mother and be extremely filthy in the bedroom...what with her having huge boobs and all.

At 36 my ideal wife can hold an intelligent conversation, can laugh at our mistakes but is willing to work with me on our marriage and takes pride in our family (whatever shape or form it takes) and what we have accomplished. She has boobs.


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## Andy1001

Mrs.Sav said:


> Sorry, but i didn't know that there was a "correct" answer to a question like that.


By giving the answer I suggested it threw his ridiculous question back in his face,his reply would have been funny to hear.


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## SadSamIAm

I think it is common for people to describe their ideal wife based on what is going on with their current situation that isn't ideal.

If you are short money and your wife doesn't work, then your ideal wife would be one that contributes financially. In my case, we have plenty of money. I don't care that my wife doesn't work. I don't think of money when thinking of an Ideal wife because of our situation.

In my case, I am in a nearly sexless marriage. My ideal wife would desire me and want to have sex two or three times a week. This is very important to me. But if my wife was having sex with me every day, I might feel that sex isn't that important in an ideal wife. I would be wanting something else, that I am not receiving.

People want what they don't have and take for granted what they do have.


My ideal wife would be sexual, affectionate and fun to be around. (all things my current wife is not)


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## mrsluvmyhub

Hubby and I have more traditional roles. I'm a stay at home mum (work 6 hrs now a week though) and he works full time. I don't love cooking, but it would be dumb for me to ask him to do it! I'm at home, he gets home at 7pm. Kids go to bed at 7:30 and 8:30 for the eldest. A few years ago I convinced him to cook dinner on Saturdays. I'm happy for the break and he seems to enjoy it.

If I am working full time when the kids are older then I would hope we share the cooking more equally. But for now it makes sense for me to do it. I don't think we ever discussed who should cook dinner because it's obvious.


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## Marc878

Let's see.

5'3"
Curly brown hair
Grey eyes
In shape
Size 5 1/2 - 6 feet
Shapely legs
Dresses well
Can spoil her but she's not spoiled
Good sense of humor
Happy personality

Got it!!!!


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## VladDracul

arbitrator said:


> *Ol' Arb's "perfect wife?"
> 
> One of exuberance, altruism, confidence, and fearlessness!
> 
> She would have to be a most-loving, caring, woman with just a few other built-in caveats: specifically, be educated, articulate, God-loving, and who would never be afraid to ever put me or anybody else in our proper places if our dumba$$ sides ever were to remotely surface!
> 
> An "easy-on-the-eyes," "touchy-feely" lady who knows that the God-given gift of sex is to be simply and unselfishly used as an overt expression of the love found deep within her heart; never to be used as any kind of a bargaining chip to further her own causes or agenda!
> 
> One who is just as mutually and fiercely faithful to her mate as the day is long!
> 
> In pondering this, it sounds like that might possibly be just a tad too close to perfection and greatly makes me wonder if God has yet to create such a woman of that graceful magnitude!
> 
> Maybe He'll surprise me well before I'm finally called upon by Him to make that fateful appointment to kick that final "bucket" between the goalposts of life!*


Damn Arb, I didn't know you've met my wife. But she can talk the horns off a billy goat.


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## MrRight

This is easy.

white
size 6/8
girl from my own culture
easygoing - easy to please
balanced temper
smily plus laughs a lot at my humour
educated to degree level
likes opera/classical music
good talker and listener
centre politics
non smoker/non drinker
no health food fads, organic food etc
likes long country walks
sexually well experienced

I think that's it. Shouldnt be hard.
I said "girl from my own culture". I say this because I married someone out of my culture and there are so many gaps, misunderstandings etc. We are miles apart in many ways and always will be.


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## hylton7

my ideal wife would treat me with love and respect.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

It's hard to specify. What may be perfect today will not be perfect tomorrow. We all evolve throughout our lifetimes (at least we should). Hopefully we grow together rather than apart. 

Which leads me to the best answer I can give to this question: The perfect wife is one who is fully committed to mutual growth, learning and exploration. This doesn't mean she's willing to do _all _the adapting--the perfect wife has a well developed sense of self and is able to balance that with the melding into a single union. 

If I had drawn up criteria for the perfect wife 30 years ago when I got engaged, I doubt it would have been a strong resemblance to who my wife is now, but she is more perfect to me now than ever. The qualities that immediately come to mind are rock solid, sensible and down to earth without losing that marvelously feminine romanticism, completely faithful, good mother, good with money, and able to strike the perfect balance between helping me grow into a better person and also giving me the space to be me (that last one is a toughie for most). 

If you can do that _and_ express a compatible level of interest in intimate activities, then you will have achieved perfection.


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## Jayg14

ericthesane said:


> A man would like a woman that:
> 
> Is a confidante; someone that he can share his fears, and dreams and desires and doubts with, freely, and who equally shares her own with understanding, with purpose and with the idea that I will fight FOR you, I will fight WITH you, but, I will not fight YOU.
> 
> Is a friend: someone that he can share hobbies and passions with (albeit still giving room for their own interests), who he can laugh with and commiserate with, who can share a meal and the good conversation, and who realize that conversation is a two way street.
> 
> Is a lover: someone that with enthusiasm, frequency and energy makes him feel like a MAN, someone that welcome and CRAVE his advances.
> 
> A smart man will make sure that any one of them, never meet the other two.
> 
> A very lucky man will find all three of them in the same woman.
> 
> 
> It is not really all THAT complicated, is it ?


This, 100%.


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