# reconciliation



## schmuck (Oct 9, 2010)

Things have been going well for the most part. We talk and try to get out in the open what all the issues are. I seem to have a hard time remembering examples of when she has not spoken the truth to me. She also says that its only about sexual thing that she has not been forthcoming. 
Went to the MC today and left totally unsatisfied. All we talked about was how we were feeling physically. I mean no **** we feel terrible, I have lost 15lbs and am hitting the gym hard. 
Also found out that the NC talk had lots of hugging and kissing. She says that was as far as it went, but what to believe. That is the question. She seems incredibly remorseful, but we have had sex 3 times in the last few days. Its great, but I am a little detatched. Anyone else going thru R?????
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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Nothing wrong with cautious optimism.

She hasn't let go. Not by a long shot. Simply be aware that a very common behavior is to assuage the betrayed spouse, with openness, affection and sex all in the effort to lend the appearance of progress.

The goal isn't fixing your marriage. It is getting you to trust her just enough and let your guard down ... that she can continue the affair.

What's your Threshold? Have you decided?


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## schmuck (Oct 9, 2010)

Yes well so far she says that she has not contacted the OM and I believe her. She also said that I am waiting for her to slip up. She told me again that she is full into the R. Its just a tough process. 
As far as my boundaries or limits, she knows that any slip and its over, period end of story. Thanks for your response.
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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I sincerely hope the two of you can recover what you lost.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

You have my best wishes on your reconciliation efforts, but you need to get to the point where you have a different handle, the one you use puts my Yiddische kopf on edge on your behalf.

Email the forum moderator, he can make changes quickly, your old posts will have your new handle.





schmuck said:


> Yes well so far she says that she has not contacted the OM and I believe her. She also said that I am waiting for her to slip up. She told me again that she is full into the R. Its just a tough process.
> As far as my boundaries or limits, she knows that any slip and its over, period end of story. Thanks for your response.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I hope it goes well for you. If there is ONE piece of advice I'll give you both is PLEASE, if you are serious about forging ahead and starting fresh, do not use the past as a club to beat each other up with. Rehashing over and over again about what was done or not done won't help! 

Once I had hopes that my husband and me would reconcile and start fresh..that it would all be good again. It's gotten better but with mixed results. I look back and see that the biggest problem is not letting of of what WAS so that we could make what IS better. 

Good luck!


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## schmuck (Oct 9, 2010)

Appreciate the advice. 
We continue to read and talk and go to counseling. Long road a head, but in the right direction. The sex has been really good. Normally after lots of talk. The MC says to not focus everyday on the A, but that is hard. We are sharing feelings whether they are positive or negative. Its really helped the process.
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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Can't tell you how much I appreciate reading positive updates. Don't get me wrong, we all want to cheer for the good ... but if it starts to get bad, let us know that too.

Best Wishes.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Nothing wrong with cautious optimism.
> 
> She hasn't let go. Not by a long shot. Simply be aware that a very common behavior is to assuage the betrayed spouse, with openness, affection and sex all in the effort to lend the appearance of progress.
> 
> ...


Jesus man, you make me feel like an optimist.

Some people have affairs to rekindle passion in their marriage, is my understanding, a sort of cry for help thing. Irresponsible, sure. I'd be wary but not open to the possibility that her intentions are pure. Anyone can change. Will they?


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## schmuck (Oct 9, 2010)

Well so far so good. My guess if it continues to be a healing process that my posts will be less. I wanted to share due to the fact that most of what we read is the negative. I have to say the make up sex has been wonderful. All the sharing brings you closer and is a natural segway to physical sharing. The thoughts of the the OM seem to be less and less. Still there, but not over powering. I continue to read books and try to learn as does she. This leads to more questions and answer sessions. Hope everyone out there gets better one way or another. I love her, but know that I am better and if I had to go alone, I could.
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