# cant tell



## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

Something just happened today and i am not sure what to think. i feel like going up to him and demanding an answer but that nevers work, i know he will just not say anything at all. or lie. And i am going around in circles in my head as to what this means and what to do about it. 

okay a little background on the last couple of days. Yesterday my 15 yr old son dislocated his shoulder playing football at school with a group of kids. so i end up taking him to the ER at 7:00 pm. Our hospital really s*cks, they have sent a live man to the morgue twice in the last 3 years. so we ended up waiting until 1:00am to get the x-rays and didnt get home until 3:00 am. before i left, i told my husband i planned to make tattor tot cassorale for dinner and explained how to make it. simple really, he called a few times for the next step, which is completely fine with me. after dinner my cell died, so there was no way for me to call him but he already called to say they were going to bed. Everything went decently well. 

we got home and he was getting up for work. i got the feeling that he was upset but he didnt say anything except that he tried to call. i said yea, i know but my cell is dead. the boy went straight to bed, they gave him coden (?) i decided to stay up, smoke another cig and talk with david, wanting to share all the ER horrors for 8 hours. i was still in a good mood, just tired. he was walking around like he was mad. Didnt want to talk to me. i had to follow him around just to tell him what happened. it wasnt like he was walking around getting things to get ready, it was a everytime i walked into the room he was in, he would walk and stand in another one. he does this when he is mad and doesnt want to hear what i am saying. but at 3 in the morning i am not my quickest. i hadnt done anything for him to be mad about and i wasnt even yelling about staying in the Er for 8 hours, i was laughing and saying omg! you wouldnt believe. but even at 3 i tend to catch on, might be slowly but finally after having him walk out of the room yet again before i finished talking. i just went to bed a little unfullfilled for not being able to vent, and a little confused as to why he was acting like that. i was a little wondering WTF but to tired to worry for long. I just chalked it up to he wasnt in the mood to talk to me, and it was wierd. 

so i was asleep before his ride came (OMG! IS THAT THE CONNECTION) anyhow, i woke up at 7 got the other 2 ready for school. i was so tired there was no way i was driving, i was walking around like i was drunk. so i made sure they left to catch the bus that arrives at 730. i had my daughter call me to let me know they got to the school where they get the bus, i dont do this very often. after her call, i fell asleep. the youngest woke up around 9ish, but was content to watching tv in my bed while i slept. then i had to get up and actually do something. so after school the babies came home, my oldest took the 2 youngest to her house and i took a nap. my husband came home and woke me up wondering where all the kids were. so i told him, the oldest have the youngest, the 12 year old is at the library, and the 15 year old is asleep. and he left me alone for a while

now here is where it gets weird again. one time he went in the room, i woke up and i asked him what the name of the boat repair place was, he said hold on he has the name on the paper we still had for estimates on our boat repairs, told me the name and asked me why. I said because when i pasted by this afternoon to get the kids i saw a 250 motorbike there. (i have been casually looking for one. and he knows that) Now please understand this, when we pasted that place at 3 am, the motor bike was not out there, so that means they put it out sometime today. he goes to work at 4am and gets off at 4pm. the boat place is also on the complete other side of town for where he works. he would have to pass our house to get there. also, since his dwi, he gets rides to work and home for the past year. And for the past 8 months or so, he has been getting home later and later. he gets off at 4pm. he used to get home at 410 415, now it is after 5 sometimes. when i did ask him why he blew up saying he worked late, and has showed me his print out of his hours (they do that every 2 weeks) to verify. saying sh*t like he has to clean up his area now (he did before also) and something broke, but never i went for a coke (which wouldnt bother me) or i was just standing around talking. 

And right after i said, they have a bike set out in front, his next words were Oh yea, i know, i saw it.......
WTF!!! So still kind of half asleep, i immediately asked him how did you see it. BUSTED>>>>he was quiet for a little while 3 sec to a minute and says i saw it when past by with enrico. and quiet again. i mumbled whatever and clammed up myself. so he walked out of the bedroom. 

my mind is spinning. i have thought sometimes he was cheating on me. he lies about the stupidest things and some things just dont add up. but i used to think before last year that there was no way he could hide something like this from me. but then last year i found out that he hid a small loan from me for almost 2 years. so i now know he could hide this from me. so i dont know anymore. here i am thinking WTF, why does he go that way before he goes home? and who is he with and all these other things. so i get up and warm up something to eat. AND HE IS WANTING TO TALK, which is completely out of character. usually when he is sitting in front of the tv, he doesnt talk to anyone. especially me. (we are still not well from all the sh*t last year, see other posts) So he is asking me stupid questions too, like did you stop to see the bike? no david, did you? he says something about going to town and country, even though i didnt ask. and i am getting the feeling that he is trying to cover up something. because he doesnt voleenteer information like that. Usually it is like pulling teeth to get him to say anything. so i mumble again, whatever, and he yells (another out of character) What! What did you say! and i just start talking to the 12 year old who is on the other computer. and i start typing this....

now the oldest just dropped off the to youngest (which are his) and he was talking with them and playing wrestling and so forth. now he is giving them dinner. All without me saying a word, completely out of character. 

i dont know what to think.


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## racemom (Jan 26, 2009)

Is there anyway you can talk to his boss to see if he is really showing up and actually working? I wouldn't believe everything I saw on paper. I would definitely dig around on this one. I wouldn't have guessed another woman either, but do some digging and see what you find. It may give you the answer you need for moving on!


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## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

Men get defensive, angry and irritable often when they've done something wrong or when they're overwhelmed, from what I've experienced. He is hiding something, but its hard to figure out what.
He may have lost his job and is too embarassed to admit it to you? Or, there may be something else more serious going on.
Would he attend counceling? Have you tried writing him letters or emails? My husband is not good at communicating, however when we talk by IM or email he is able to express himself a LOT better.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

I think he is hiding something AND is overwhelmed.

no i know he hasnt lost his job. but i still have no clue what is going on. Not attending counselling, although he has been in and out of counselling all his life. Yes, i tried letters and email but they dont work. Yes my husband is not good at communicating, no matter what way i try to. 

thanks anyhow. looks like we are on the divorce road.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

My husband isn't a good communicator at all either! Grrr....how frustrating.

I say go with your gut. Something is off and you sense it. Snoop around.


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## SadTimes (Jun 30, 2009)

Something sounds off, but it could be anything-- not necessarily an affair, you know? Maybe you could look into it a little... check his cell phone bill, follow him, etc. It seems so distrustful to do that, but if he won't give you a straight answer, what else can you do?


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