# Pregnancy, Travelling and In-laws



## Berry (Apr 24, 2012)

I apologize if this is long winded...

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2. We are expecting our first child in September. This was a planned pregnancy and we are thrilled.

My problem is mostly with my in-laws and my husband's relationship with his father. When I married my husband I did not see it as marrying his whole family. Yes, they are part of the picture, but I do not see his family as close kin to me. I especially mistrust his father. He is a selfish man with control issues and he sees himself as the patriarch of the family and acts accordingly. I do not fall in line with this, but my husband happily does what his father asks.

Since I have very few nice things to say about his father, I try to stay out of it. His father and his family (he started a second family with his second wife) live in California. We see them once a year or so when they come across the country to impose on his adult children on the East Coast.

Here is my problem- I agreed to travel out to California for 4 days with my husband during my second trimester. Without my consent or approval, this trip has ballooned into a whirlwind of insanity. Instead of four days in April or May, we are now spending a full week in mid-June after my requested cut off date for air travel. We are also delivering my sister-in-laws 6 and 4 year old daughters to Grandpa's house for the summer. 

I literally lost it when I was informed that were doing these things. I was against it from the start. It became a major fight between myself and my husband. He says I'm being selfish, uptight, unwilling to support family, etc. I see it as myself as pregnant, on a plane with two small children to look after. It's already been established that since they are girls, I would be expected to take care of them. I also see myself spending a whole week in a house with FIVE children all 6 years and under (my father-in-law has three small children of his own with his second wife- she's my age...) while 6 months pregnant. 

I have depression, an anxiety disorder and migraines that I no longer take medication for because of this pregnancy. I still suffer from bouts of morning sickness, my migraines and tension headaches make me sick as well and now I have extreme insomnia. I sleep maybe 3 hours in 24 right now. I'm almost 5 months pregnant and still losing weight.

I honest to God cannot handle this trip. I've been trying to find ways to cope with it but no one is willing to help me. I've asked for travel plans ( Father-in-law made our reservations even though we paid for the tickets), I've asked for information regarding our plans, our sleeping arrangements, etc.

I tried to make it easier on my sanity by asking to stay in a hotel so I could at least have a chance at sleep- the answer was no from my husband. I don't even know if we will have a real bed and room to ourselves. I have a sinking feeling we will be on a futon with one of our young nieces. 

I've asked that we not be the ones to transport the little girls on a 10 hour trip when I'm a bad flyer and pregnant and sick etc- the answer was no from my husband.

I've asked that we rent a car while we are there and do some couple stuff since this trip is replacing our summer vacation since we're going in June instead of earlier- the answer was maybe. Which means that any car trips will involve small children. We were supposed to spend a long weekend at the beach as a last hurrah before having a baby, apparently that's not happening anymore and it breaks my heart.

Basically, this trip is ruining my health and my sanity. I cannot handle the stress and no one seems to understand or care which is obvious by the fact that no one is willing to even entertain my ideas.

I tried so hard to make this work and I got nothing. They think of me as spoiled, demanding and selfish and that's totally fine with me. My family is very VERY different from my husband's family. I have no problem with them not liking me, they never really did anyway. But I'm worried about how it will affect my marriage if I back out...

Honestly, I'm going to talk to my OB about it and see if maybe they can write a note. That feels so incredibly silly but I don't know what else to try. 

I've tried sitting my husband down and explaining it to him and he doesn't want to hear it. It turns into him screaming at me and me crying. Every time. I'm not even sure a doctor's note would help but it's all I've got. 

I will do anything to make this go away. I am so tired and overwhelmed and anxious and I'm only going to be worse by the time June rolls around.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

While I feel for your plight the thing that jumped out at me was it's only once a year, you will only be 6 months pregnant and it's just a few more days than you originally agreed to.

What I'm getting at is I think this anger is about something other than this particular trip.


----------

