# Venting and Jealousy Toward My Husband's Lesbian Friend?



## missanimeotaku (Sep 23, 2011)

Hi, I'm new here, and something's been bothering me. My husband has a lesbian friend (which I have nothing against) who he has known for 8 years. She is very nice, and I like her as a person, but at the same time, there are certain things that bother me about her, too. I will admit, some of the feelings I have toward her are spurred from jealousy. I absolutely can't stand it when she and my husband are on facebook and they always add hearts to EVERYTHING they write to one another. Also, when we last saw her, my husband had called her pretty and beautiful numerous times throughout the visit, though he says he does it because she has horrible self-esteem, but I think it's not his job to boost it in that way (I know, I know, it must sound pretty awful of me, right?). Also, I guess some other things that irk me about her is that my husband used to have a crush on her and used to try to get her interested in men. He also said that one time she said if she had to go out with any of her male friends, she'd choose my husband. Also, during my bridal shower, she landed up taking most of the attention, same with the wedding AND on my wedding night (we landed up going to a karaoke bar with a group of our family and friends, including her, and she got stupid drunk and everyone had to take care of her and make sure she was okay). Now, I don't normally care whether I get attention or not, but I was pissed because that was supposed to be mine and my husbands day, and I wanted it to be about us, not her. I brought up how I felt to my husband, but he said that he isn't doing anything wrong and he won't change what he's doing. He doesn't seem to understand my point of view. I probably sound like a mega b*tch, and I'm sure that I may get some harsh replies on here, but I feel like I need to vent. Am I really wrong to feel the way I do about this whole thing though...?


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

If you know he had a crush on her, then of course you'll be bothered. Is she gay for real or what ? If she is, then why is your husband trying to get her interesed in men ?


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

I don't think you are wrong for feeling this way at all, and I do not think you are a b!tch for wanting your husband's attention. It sounds like he has a strong emotional connection to her. My feeling is, the connection should be with you and you alone, not another woman. I really don't think it matters that she is a lesbian. She is female and your husband is attracted to females. While I'm pretty sure that this wouldn't progress to a physical affair, an emotional one is still VERY damaging to a marriage. I'm really hoping you get some good advice on this forum.

Best wishes


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You are not a *****. This is an inappropriate relationship. It is an affair without the sex (which may not even be the case).

You doubt yourself becuase your husband has manipulated you into doubting yourself. But run this story by a bunch of strangers as you are doing and you will see that virtually everyone will say you are right to question this relationship.

Ultimately what you have to do is tell him that in order to stay married to you, he has to have no contact for life with her. But leave the choice up to him, so you don't get called "controlling".


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I wouldn't voluntarily spend a great deal of time and effort on a lesbian unless I had aspirations of converting her. He's already admitted he's sexually interested in her and she's hinted as much about him. Why would I spend hours waxing a car that would never run? A guy willfully spending huge amounts of time and energy on a non-relative woman is either gay, sexually interested, or lying. Now, I spend some time with single females from work, but that's about the job and it doesn't involve social outings or crushes or compliments. That's not what I consider voluntary time.


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## missanimeotaku (Sep 23, 2011)

Thank you, everyone, I'm glad that I'm not psycho. Lols. ^_^ Luckily, I don't think it'll ever escalate into anything physical, either, especially since they're only ever get to see each other about twice a year, since my husband is in the army and doesn't get to visit his home town very often. Also, they never are alone together since I'm always with them when they meet up. I also don't intend to make them stop being friends, honestly... As much as I hate the way they act toward each other, I don't know if I can make him stop being friends with her. They've been friends for so long, and I somehow would feel like it's wrong to just make him drop a friend he is close to. My husband had also told me I had nothing to worry about because he doesn't like her in that way anymore and because of the whole lesbian thing... But like, all I want is for them to realize that since he is now married, there are certain things they have to change when they talk to each other now because it's inappropriate. Maybe it's something they have to realize...?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

In my experience, many gay women are not 100% gay.

I would be a little concerned too.


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## missanimeotaku (Sep 23, 2011)

That's what I'm a bit worried about. She sometimes does some things that make me question if she really is 100% lesbian or not. My husband said she's mostly afraid of being with a guy because she's never been with one before.


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