# Hello



## Texasred

Don't know where to start I'm an almost 40 year old man married for 12 years now years and have allowed my self to stay with my wife who for the past 7 years has been a serial cheater( mostly e.a but atleast one physical). I have a laundry list of reasons why thatI dont want to dive into on my first post here. But ready to end thia viscous cycle and move on her look for advice and support.


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## EleGirl

Hi, 

Is there something that has happened recently is prompting you to leave her after all these years of putting up with her crap? Or have you just had enough?


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## Zodiac

Welcome man. There are good people here! We all try and help out! I'm new as well.


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## Texasred

EleGirl said:


> Hi,
> 
> Is there something that has happened recently is prompting you to leave her after all these years of putting up with her crap? Or have you just had enough?


A bit of both i caught her in an ea about 2 years ago i told her i was sick of it and didnt want to live like this anymore asked for a divorce. She begged me not to go through with said things would be diffrent as i was packing my bags I agreed to stay if we went to counseling and I had acess to all her inline accounts and phone. She agreed things went good seemed like I made the right decision then i let my guard down.

Checked her phone one day just out of curiosity and a gut feeling phones sexting messages with a customer from her job including him asking her to met him at hotel. She said she realised she shouldn't be doing it and called it off and blocked his number.

I how ever know that at least part of that is a lie becuase blocking a number on the pho e we both have qould of deleted the text messages. So I am left qeustioning how far it went thia time and ita bringing up all the other timea in my head and I just tired of it and have had enough.


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## aine

Texasred, sorry you are here, sounds like you have reached the end of the road. It is difficult to live in a marriage where the trust is obliterated over and over again. It is time to put yourself first.
Do you guys have any kids?
What have her excuses been for this behaviour? This is not your fault. If there is an issue in the marriage, there are other ways to deal with them, she chose the easy way out.
Does she work?

You have to consult a lawyer first to see what your options are.
In your state what are the laws?
How is the financial situation for you both?


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## SunCMars

It is obvious she needs 'extra' attention from men.

That is why the 'extra' gets conjoined with 'marital'.

She enjoys extramarital relationships.

Extra cannot be properly joined up with monogamous.

Why do her needs hurt yours?
Because you have allowed it.


She needs to be freed up. 

Divorce her.

Let her do this multi-man romancing properly.
Uh, more properly.

She will likely break more hearts while single. 
It likely is all about her needs.

But, then again, after divorcing her, that will not be your problem.


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## MaiChi

Hello. 
My take on marriage has always been to end the current relationship before starting the next. I really do not understand people who try to run several relationships at once. A lot of people who cheat, cannot cheat just the once. I do not believe it a reasonable thing to forgive one who has cheated. It is not possible to cheat by mistake or incidentally. Everyone who cheats does so knowing exactly that they are cheating and still going ahead with it. Why then forgive such a person unless you are OK with the fact of their cheating and the fact that they will cheat again soon?

If you are OK with it, then you should not complain when they do what you are expecting them to do. I think cheating comes from disrespect of self and spouse. It is not lack of sex at all because we know that in a lot of cases, both men and women increase their sexual demands t home once they start cheating. This proves that they can have as much sex as they need at home if they say so. 

So speaking for myself, Once a spouse cheats, he/she has to go. There is nothing to negotiate or discuss. If I cheated on my husband, I would not accept his forgiveness. I know in my mind that he would be wrong to try to forgive me. So it has to be divorce. 

It is a sad situation you are in but its ether you accept her cheating or you let her go. There is no middle ground.


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