# Ambivalent feelings about Vasectomy



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Well, I've been doing a lot of since I first posted here a few days ago. I've also been reading through some of the posts on sexual intimacy issues. I always knew that sex was important to a man, but all those posts help me realize just HOW important it is. So I've really been trying to strengthen us there. He came home from work the other day, and I approached him for a change. It took a bit of planning to entertain all the kids, but we had spontaneous sex. And he was SO thrilled. I noticed a mood change in him, that's for sure. 

Okay, so now I'm going to explore some things that I've never admitted to anyone. And here I am doing it on a public internet forum.  That's what's great about internet anonymity, right? 

Let me give some brief background here. My husband had a vasectomy after our fourth child. It was a decision that we both made, and I supported him on it. When I was pregnant with our fourth, I could hardly wait for him to have it done. I was SO looking forward to closing the door on our baby-making days and moving on to the next stage. He had it done when our youngest was two-weeks old.

Now fast forward 15 months, and I feel strangely ambivalent about the procedure. Let me make one thing clear: I DO NOT WANT any more kids. However, looking back, I guess I felt a little sad about it the night before he went in. But my emotions where everywhere since I just had had a baby, and I didn't say a word to DH. I think it's normal to feel a little sad when you close a chapter on your life. However, it seems like my feelings go a little deeper than that.

Basically, whenever I think about sex with my DH, I feel sad because it reminds me that he is no longer fertile and that we will NEVER ever have another child. I remind myself that I don't want another child anyway. But I still end up feeling sad and even distracted during sex. I think deep down it bothers me that he is sterile. I feel that he is somehow altered. And I feel guilty and sad even admitting this. I already KNOW that he still has all the same hormones and everything. And I have not noticed a change in his sex drive, or a change in his semen. 

I think the fact that I have NEVER had an orgasm enters into this. When we got married, we just started having kids and did not use birth control. We knew we wanted kids and we didn't mind having them close together. From a purely selfish standpoint, sex now seems pointless for ME. But I keep looking at it through his eyes and I see how much he gets out of it. So I love my husband and I want to make him happy. And he's thrilled about the vasectomy. Worry-free sex with no possibility of babies. What could be better? I just wish I felt the same way. 

I keep waiting for these feelings to pass. But it's been over a year now. I wish I would have gotten an IUD instead. At any rate, hopefully my ambivalent feelings will fade if I explore my own sexuality and figure out how to have the "Big O." It's just so frustrating to feel this way. I certainly did not see it coming when we scheduled the vasectomy together.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I think the fact that I have NEVER had an orgasm enters into this.


It doesn't just enter into it THIS is your whole problem. Of course you see no point to sex. Why would you if you've never enjoyed it?

This has nothing to do with his vasectomy but it's easier to blame that than to face what's really wrong.

I totally get it.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

I think when you find out how to have that O your sex life will improve more than it ever could if he was still fertile. I suggest reading up on the big O and research online too. Get your husband to go downtown and express what you like and dislike. Find some awesome toys and spend time exploring yourself until you get it. It will be easier to teach him when you figure if out for yourself too


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Mom, I'm glad you are reading here and open to some new thoughts! But this post made me very sad. Having an orgasm is a basic part of life, and you are missing out on a lot. But no one can fix that but you. There are plenty of resources for women who want to become orgasmic, but you have to be willing to try, and to do some experimentation. It's very unlikely that you have a physical problem -- more likely that you have a mental block or have just never spent enough time masturbating to get to know your body.

Yes, you can live your whole life without an orgasm, but it's kind of like living your whole life without the color green or without ever tasting strawberries...why would you, if you didn't have to?

I don't mean to be harsh with you, but I hope that you will give some thought to making a change in this area of your life. All best.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> I think when you find out how to have that O your sex life will improve more than it ever could if he was still fertile. I suggest reading up on the big O and research online too. Get your husband to go downtown and express what you like and dislike. Find some awesome toys and spend time exploring yourself until you get it. It will be easier to teach him when you figure if out for yourself too


I admit that I haven't even tried masturbating. I come from a conservative background in some areas. I'm thinking about finally buying a vibrator.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Wow. I don't have any good advice for you, but I can just tell you about my experience from the other side. First, my GP tried to talk me out of it (5+ years ago). Kind of like what you're saying, he told me that some men lose their drive after the vas...b/c they know they're shooting blanks.

In my case, mid-40's, I still have the drive of a teen. The only thing that changed for me was the relief of not worrying about getting my W pregnant. Now I'm sitting here wondering if she's ever had the thoughts that you mentioned in your post. :scratchhead:

Agree with the others...the 'V' and your lack of 'O' aren't really related.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Wow. I don't have any good advice for you, but I can just tell you about my experience from the other side. First, my GP tried to talk me out of it (5+ years ago). Kind of like what you're saying, he told me that some men lose their drive after the vas...b/c they know they're shooting blanks.
> 
> In my case, mid-40's, I still have the drive of a teen. The only thing that changed for me was the relief of not worrying about getting my W pregnant. Now I'm sitting here wondering if she's ever had the thoughts that you mentioned in your post. :scratchhead:
> 
> Agree with the others...the 'V' and your lack of 'O' aren't really related.



Don't worry, I doubt your wife feels anything but relief and gratitude over your procedure. Most of my friends feel this way. I think I am the rare exception on this one. My own feelings surprise even me.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Yeah, thunderstruck, I don't think you should take this as any kind of indicator. This is more about Mom's lack of orgasms than it is about husband's fertility.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Mom, I'm glad you are reading here and open to some new thoughts! But this post made me very sad. Having an orgasm is a basic part of life, and you are missing out on a lot. But no one can fix that but you. There are plenty of resources for women who want to become orgasmic, but you have to be willing to try, and to do some experimentation. It's very unlikely that you have a physical problem -- more likely that you have a mental block or have just never spent enough time masturbating to get to know your body.
> 
> Yes, you can live your whole life without an orgasm, but it's kind of like living your whole life without the color green or without ever tasting strawberries...why would you, if you didn't have to?
> 
> I don't mean to be harsh with you, but I hope that you will give some thought to making a change in this area of your life. All best.


I don't think you're being harsh. I agree, it is sad. I'm so determined with so many other areas of my life. I got a Master's degree with little kids in toe, and I have a lot of drive in other areas. I don't know if this is because I was raised in a somewhat conservative family that believes masturbation is wrong. But this is one area of my life that I've never fully explored. And I'm only now really realizing it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I admit that I haven't even tried masturbating. I come from a conservative background in some areas. I'm thinking about finally buying a vibrator.


Don't do this. A vibrator is not the equivalent to a live man and you won't be able to recreate it in the bedroom. Therefore sex still won't be fun to you.

To learn how to O you need to learn to do it without batteries. Use your hand, a pillow, some other object but straight off I wouldn't go straight to the vibrator.

Add the vibrator later once you've mastered this on your own.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

So that's half the battle! I really applaud your openness -- sounds like you've been the good girl your whole life and now it's time for you.

Also I agree with Mavash re the vibrator. Actually, I don't much care for them. So just experiment and see what you like. Lube is a must.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I got hooked on a vibrator early in my teens. I had to retrain myself later to O without batteries so I could enjoy sex. I don't care for them either now.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Yeah, thunderstruck, I don't think you should take this as any kind of indicator. This is more about Mom's lack of orgasms than it is about husband's fertility.


You may be right lamaga but mom`s feelings about her husbands V are actually pretty common.

I`m at work right now so can`t get into it but I`ll post some links later this afternoon that might help her understand better.

I`m starting to think the whole "baby making" mindset is the cause of a lot of sexless couples because women have these feelings.

Mom seems to understand her husbands needs but I`m sure many don`t and it`s just so much better when the wife has comparable needs as her husband.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Get your husband to go downtown...


This. Shove his head south, and this problem may be quickly resolved. And...you'll both be smiling.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> This. Shove his head south, and this problem may be quickly resolved. And...you'll both be smiling.


Not to be a buzz kill but for me learning how to O during oral was the hardest to master. Everyone is different though so maybe she'd get lucky doing this. For me I just couldn't relax enough for this to work. It took a while to be able to 'let go' during oral.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Not to be a buzz kill but for me learning how to O during oral was the hardest to master.


True, plus her H may not have a clue when he gets down there. I remember several fails during my early dating days, when I was still trying to figure out things.  

Practice, practice, practice...


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Yep...once again Mavash is right. I think Mom should experiment on her own in private for a while.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I met a young friend here last year. She's not here anymore so I can talk about her (I have a new user name so she wouldn't even know it was me anyway).  We email now. Anyway she was convinced she couldn't O without a vibe and I convinced her she could she just needed to yes practice, practice, practice.

I was smiling from ear to ear when I finally got a PM from her saying she'd done it. I was truly happy for her. And I'm happy to report her and her husband are having great sex these days. 

And she has about a 90% O rate too. Not too shabby huh?


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Don't do this. A vibrator is not the equivalent to a live man and you won't be able to recreate it in the bedroom. Therefore sex still won't be fun to you.
> 
> To learn how to O you need to learn to do it without batteries. Use your hand, a pillow, some other object but straight off I wouldn't go straight to the vibrator.
> 
> Add the vibrator later once you've mastered this on your own.


Thanks for the advice. I definitely want it to be something that I can enjoy WITH DH so I guess I'll try on my own first.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I met a young friend here last year. She's not here anymore so I can talk about her (I have a new user name so she wouldn't even know it was me anyway).  We email now. Anyway she was convinced she couldn't O without a vibe and I convinced her she could she just needed to yes practice, practice, practice.
> 
> I was smiling from ear to ear when I finally got a PM from her saying she'd done it. I was truly happy for her. And I'm happy to report her and her husband are having great sex these days.
> 
> And she has about a 90% O rate too. Not too shabby huh?


Wow. I hope this can be the case with me. At times sex has felt good, but honestly most of the time I'm just waiting until he climaxes. I feel a little more hopeful now. Hopefully my feelings about the V will fade if I can master teach myself (and show DH) how to climax.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

tacoma said:


> You may be right lamaga but mom`s feelings about her husbands V are actually pretty common.
> 
> I`m at work right now so can`t get into it but I`ll post some links later this afternoon that might help her understand better.
> 
> ...


Hmmmm... I've always felt pretty alone on this one. My best friend talked her reluctant DH into a vasectomy and she's never indicated that she had any negative feelings about it. Actually 3 of my closest friends' husbands have had vasectomies. With four kids, I feel like I'm ODD for feeling this way.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> It doesn't just enter into it THIS is your whole problem. Of course you see no point to sex. Why would you if you've never enjoyed it?
> 
> This has nothing to do with his vasectomy but it's easier to blame that than to face what's really wrong.
> 
> I totally get it.


This is where your new focus needs to be, to get off of sex to make babies, and to get into sex as enjoyment. Start to explore your own body to figure out how to orgasm, do research, and get there, and guide your husband on how he can help you get there. You will no longer be thinking about the vasectomy.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband is snipped and yes I was down about it for about 2 weeks but now it's great. No more birth control.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> Wow. I hope this can be the case with me. At times sex has felt good, but honestly most of the time I'm just waiting until he climaxes. I feel a little more hopeful now. Hopefully my feelings about the V will fade if I can master teach myself (and show DH) how to climax.


Once you learn how you'll likely be locked in your bedroom for about 2 weeks enjoying mind blowing orgasms. Once you get comfortable with your own sexuality it will be easy to translate that to enjoying it with your husband.

Just be patient with yourself. And keep practicing.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

One question I have... does your husband know you haven't had an orgasm in all this time? Or have you been faking all this time? When my husband and I first had sex, I told him immediately that I refused to fake an orgasm for one reason: why should I let him get his if I'm not getting mine? He has been appreciative of this in all the 13 years we have been together (12 married). I didn't start masturbating til about 2 or 3 years ago. He was a virgin...and yet, he knew what to do, how to get me off. I have only had an orgasm twice during actual intercourse. Both times were cowgirl position. Unfortunately, physical limitations preclude using that position right now... but I'm hopeful for the future! Anyway, try to get him to tease you...the clit, to be more specific. And, from now on.... DON'T FAKE! (If you have been).

There ARE times when it just doesn't happen for me. And, I tell my husband. I make sure he understands that I WANT the intimacy, but I don't have to orgasm every time. And he's fine with it. Sometimes, he plays AFTER he has his, and then I do. But the point is, be honest with your husband. If he's not hitting it right, TELL him. We all need direction, sometimes. Be vocal. Tell him if he's getting it or not.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> One question I have... does your husband know you haven't had an orgasm in all this time? Or have you been faking all this time? When my husband and I first had sex, I told him immediately that I refused to fake an orgasm for one reason: why should I let him get his if I'm not getting mine? He has been appreciative of this in all the 13 years we have been together (12 married). I didn't start masturbating til about 2 or 3 years ago. He was a virgin...and yet, he knew what to do, how to get me off. I have only had an orgasm twice during actual intercourse. Both times were cowgirl position. Unfortunately, physical limitations preclude using that position right now... but I'm hopeful for the future! Anyway, try to get him to tease you...the clit, to be more specific. And, from now on.... DON'T FAKE! (If you have been).
> 
> There ARE times when it just doesn't happen for me. And, I tell my husband. I make sure he understands that I WANT the intimacy, but I don't have to orgasm every time. And he's fine with it. Sometimes, he plays AFTER he has his, and then I do. But the point is, be honest with your husband. If he's not hitting it right, TELL him. We all need direction, sometimes. Be vocal. Tell him if he's getting it or not.


I used to fake it all the time. But I've stopped doing that now. I even admitted to DH that I don't think I've ever had an actual orgasm. He definitely wants to change that for me and he's tried some. It might feel good at first, but I haven't been able to "hold onto" that feeling.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Once you learn how you'll likely be locked in your bedroom for about 2 weeks enjoying mind blowing orgasms. Once you get comfortable with your own sexuality it will be easy to translate that to enjoying it with your husband.
> 
> Just be patient with yourself. And keep practicing.


Thanks! I hope so!


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife was never really had an O for 18 years. Unlike you... She was never excited to help me. What changed things was that I helped her orally first. The first time she had an O took 45 minutes of oral. No fingers at all. She guides me now all the time. She has never got herself off. 

I just wish she wasn't so conservative in that area. She keeps telling me that she doesn't want to feel like a porn star. So we keep sex PG. She has her O almost everytime now.

Relax a little. Allow youself to feel the pleasure. For the first time in 18 years, my W initiates sex.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

There's a lot of great advice in this thread. I just wanted to say how infinitely sad it makes me when I hear a woman say she's never had an orgasm. It's hard for most guys to understand. As a male, I've had orgasms (with my first girlfriend, Jergen's Lotion) on an almost daily basis since I was 14. And it's important to me to bring my wife to climax every time we have sex, so I don't understand how any man could accept his wife not having them.

Mom, if you grew up in a conservative household, and you haven't had a screaming O before, it sounds like you may still be fairly conservative culturally. You should learn how to bring yourself to O first, but you should let your husband in on it let him know that's what you're doing (how many threads have been started because someone caught their spouse masturbating and felt rejected by it?). 

Talking about it with him will also open both of you up to other possibilities you didn't know about. After nearly 10 years of marriage myself, I only really started talking to my wife about my fantasies several months ago. It turns out that she wanted to do many of the same things but was as afraid to talk to me about them as I was to ask her. If you both expand your horizons beyond making babies, it will open you up to possibilities that neither you nor hubby ever imagined.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

momtwo4 said:


> I think the fact that I have NEVER had an orgasm enters into this. When we got married, we just started having kids and did not use birth control. We knew we wanted kids and we didn't mind having them close together. From a purely selfish standpoint, sex now seems pointless for ME. *But I keep looking at it through his eyes and I see how much he gets out of it. So I love my husband and I want to make him happy. * And he's thrilled about the vasectomy. Worry-free sex with no possibility of babies. What could be better? I just wish I felt the same way.


This is the part that I like.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> There's a lot of great advice in this thread. I just wanted to say how infinitely sad it makes me when I hear a woman say she's never had an orgasm. It's hard for most guys to understand. As a male, I've had orgasms (with my first girlfriend, Jergen's Lotion) on an almost daily basis since I was 14. And it's important to me to bring my wife to climax every time we have sex, so I don't understand how any man could accept his wife not having them.
> 
> Mom, if you grew up in a conservative household, and you haven't had a screaming O before, it sounds like you may still be fairly conservative culturally. You should learn how to bring yourself to O first, but you should let your husband in on it let him know that's what you're doing (how many threads have been started because someone caught their spouse masturbating and felt rejected by it?).
> 
> Talking about it with him will also open both of you up to other possibilities you didn't know about. After nearly 10 years of marriage myself, I only really started talking to my wife about my fantasies several months ago. It turns out that she wanted to do many of the same things but was as afraid to talk to me about them as I was to ask her. If you both expand your horizons beyond making babies, it will open you up to possibilities that neither you nor hubby ever imagined.


I think it is definitely a cultural mindset. I didn't experiment much before marriage and then it was one pregnancy after another. I grew up with the mindset that masturbation is weird or "wrong"--esp. for a woman. For a man, he maybe shouldn't be doing it, but he is a GUY after all.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You just need some rewiring that's all. Masturbation is normal and healthy for both sexes. And I'm convinced it's the only way for most women to learn. Men have it easy as it's largely physical for women it's physical AND mental.

And you don't have to tell your husband what you are doing if you don't want to. I don't tell my husband of my extra without him activities. I've been married 20 years and I've yet to get 'caught'.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

This may be crass but I'm putting it out there anyway...

Go ahead and flick the bean while he's in there. You want to see him REALLY get excited? That'll do it. Not only will you climax, but he'll feel it right along with you!

Ok my PSA is done. Best of luck to you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I think it is definitely a cultural mindset. I didn't experiment much before marriage and then it was one pregnancy after another. I grew up with the mindset that masturbation is weird or "wrong"--esp. for a woman. For a man, he maybe shouldn't be doing it, but he is a GUY after all.


Hon, I know what you mean. I grew up in a very conservative family/church/mindset. I was always told that masturbation was wrong for guys... it was NEVER addressed about women. It never even occurred to me back then that women COULD. Weird, I know. But I learned, and I am confident you can too. So, you CAN overcome that mindset. It just takes time.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If you've been brought up conservative masturbating alone is tough enough much less doing it in front of your spouse. My husband has asked a couple of times if he can watch me do it and I just can't. Maybe one day I'll trust him enough to open up like that but I'm just not there yet. And that's okay.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

momtwo4 said:


> I think it is definitely a cultural mindset. I didn't experiment much before marriage and then it was one pregnancy after another. I grew up with the mindset that masturbation is weird or "wrong"--esp. for a woman. For a man, he maybe shouldn't be doing it, but he is a GUY after all.


Then yeah, you should definitely explore your sexuality as a couple. Doing it on your own is just going to make you feel more isolated and disconnected from the man you want to share your discoveries with.


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

I don't know why some people are so down about vibrators. You might want to go ahead and buy one. Have that orgasm. It will rock your world and then you will know that it's worth it!!!

For me, the trick to consistent orgasms is not to be a one trick pony. I touch myself during sex. Vigorously. Sometimes, we use the vibrator. Sometimes oral. If I do one thing too much, it becomes less effective. 

Also, I mentally put myself in the game hours before hand. I start thinking about it and get myself primed for it. Anticipation lessens the need for lengthy foreplay for me.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Then yeah, you should definitely explore your sexuality as a couple. Doing it on your own is just going to make you feel more isolated and disconnected from the man you want to share your discoveries with.


Not necessarily true. She needs to discover her sexuality on her own before she can enjoy it as a couple. Unless she can connect to herself there is no way she can connect to him. No pun intended but she must first love herself before she can love him. KWIM?


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Not necessarily true. She needs to discover her sexuality on her own before she can enjoy it as a couple. Unless she can connect to herself there is no way she can connect to him. No pun intended but she must first love herself before she can love him. KWIM?


I see what you're saying but I disagree. How many threads have we seen here where someone catches their spouse (husband) doing something (masturbation/porn) and are more hurt that the spouse couldn't come to them about it than they are about the behavior itself.

I'm not advocating that Mom should bring a foot-long crystal dildo to bed and tell her husband to take a video so she can post it to YouTube. But I am saying that if she decides to explore her sexuality on her own, I guarantee that we'll see DadTwo4 here in a couple months asking, "Why didn't she just tell me?"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Not necessarily true. She needs to discover her sexuality on her own before she can enjoy it as a couple. Unless she can connect to herself there is no way she can connect to him. No pun intended but she must first love herself before she can love him. KWIM?


And, on the flip side, that's not necessarily true either. I never learned about masturbation until YEARS after we married. And I have to say, our sex life back then was wonderful...it's really a personal choice. Some need to take care of themselves first. Some don't. But, I will agree she DOES need to either learn for herself, or just make time to let the two of them explore. And keep going til it happens! 

As for vibrators...the bigger ones do nothing for me. The only toys I have ever been able to use effectively are bullets or other clit stimulators. And that is an option as well... If he is open to using any during sex... get some for sure!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Keep in mind I'm coming from a place where I figured this out well before I had sex with anyone. I have no idea how this would work while married. I just know for me I wouldn't be comfortable sharing that with my husband at first. But that's just me.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Just want to take the no chance of babies thing out of this thread. Stop using that as an excuse here. If you really wanted to get pregnant, it is possible to aspirate sperm from the teste and get pregnant. I have a friend who had a vasectomy when married to his first wife and wanted another child with wife # 2 he has a very cute little boy! So stop thinking of you husband as importantly changed. He isn't,


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I see what you're saying but I disagree. How many threads have we seen here where someone catches their spouse (husband) doing something (masturbation/porn) and are more hurt that the spouse couldn't come to them about it than they are about the behavior itself.
> 
> I'm not advocating that Mom should bring a foot-long crystal dildo to bed and tell her husband to take a video so she can post it to YouTube. But I am saying that if she decides to explore her sexuality on her own, I guarantee that we'll see DadTwo4 here in a couple months asking, "Why didn't she just tell me?"


LOL! Love your reference to DadTwo4. I know that you are very right that my DH very much wants to be a part of giving me pleasure. But I don't know if I could actually masturbate in front of him at this point. I'm still at the point of wrapping my head around actually doing it myself for myself. DH has tried before, but it seems to be too much of a turn on for HIM and after a while he just moves to intercourse and enjoys his own orgasm.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Keep in mind I'm coming from a place where I figured this out well before I had sex with anyone. I have no idea how this would work while married. I just know for me I wouldn't be comfortable sharing that with my husband at first. But that's just me.


I think I'm with you on this. I don't know if I could relax enough to enjoy myself. I know he would enjoy it though.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

KanDo said:


> it is possible to aspirate sperm from the teste and get pregnant. ,


Uh, no, Kando, that is _physically impossible_, so please to not be spreading misinformation. Jeez.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

MomTwo, just wanted to say -- first, go you, and secondly, you just survived an entire day of people discussing your masturbatory history right here in the open on the web.

I think you can do it, don't you???


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

KanDo said:


> Just want to take the no chance of babies thing out of this thread. Stop using that as an excuse here. If you really wanted to get pregnant, it is possible to aspirate sperm from the teste and get pregnant. I have a friend who had a vasectomy when married to his first wife and wanted another child with wife # 2 he has a very cute little boy! So stop thinking of you husband as importantly changed. He isn't,


I agree that we could still get pregnant somehow if we really wanted to.I guess it has just been a mental thing for me. I didn't realize how much our sex was "baby-making sex" until after the vasectomy. Now I'm realizing just how out-of-sync in the bed we really were/are.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

lamaga said:


> MomTwo, just wanted to say -- first, go you, and secondly, you just survived an entire day of people discussing your masturbatory history right here in the open on the web.
> 
> I think you can do it, don't you???


I know, right?? LOL I am so behind (housewise) with everything right now! I'm willing to try. I still feel pretty young, and I don't want to go through a lifetime of (in my mind) obligatory sex.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Uh, no, Kando, that is _physically impossible_, so please to not be spreading misinformation. Jeez.


After reading your comment, I did a search to see who was correct, before commenting. Where did you get your information that sperm cannot be removed from the testes to be used in fertilization? Every fertility site I checked out on here has that, as well as aspirating from the epididymis. Sometimes they snip a small piece of the testicle for the sperm. It's not enough for conventional IUI or IVF, but it can be done for ICSI. So, yes, it is physically possibly to aspirate sperm from the testes.

Sorry for hijacking there, momtwo4


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

I'm reviving this thread because Athol Kay posted a blog yesterday on this issue, and I find a very uncanny similarity between momtwo4 here and the woman Julia in Athol's post here.

Athol admits there's no scientific evidence behind the issue, but I'm curious as to what momtwo4 thinks after she reads it and if she finds any correlation to her own feelings on the vasectomy issue.

Also momtwo4, regarding the "Big O"... it seems that the most successful way for my wife to orgasm is through P-in-V intercourse when she rides me cowgirl position (her on top facing me, if you're not familiar w/ "cowgirl" as a term). The secret for her however is not going up and down on my shaft, but rather staying down so my shaft is fully penetrated inside her, and moving forward and backwards so her clitoris gets friction from my pubic bone area while my shaft simultaneously stimulates her insides. 

If you haven't tried a method like this you should explore it... and it may take some trial and error so don't get discouraged if it doesn't work at first. This method used to have like a 70% success rate for my wife but lately in the past 3 months or so it seems to be working 100% of the time for her!


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Bottled Up said:


> I'm reviving this thread because Athol Kay posted a blog yesterday on this issue, and I find a very uncanny similarity between momtwo4 here and the woman Julia in Athol's post here.
> 
> Athol admits there's no scientific evidence behind the issue, but I'm curious as to what momtwo4 thinks after she reads it and if she finds any correlation to her own feelings on the vasectomy issue.
> 
> ...


I can relate to the woman in the article. Honestly, I am still bothered by the vasectomy if I think about it too much. If I had it to do over again, I might insist that my husband not go through with the big "V" and I would get an IUD instead. However, he really wanted it done, and at the time I only thought it was fair since we are done having children. I've thought about it a lot, and sterilization is such a personal issue for many people. 

For me, our fertility as a couple was tied to our sexuality, and I think this is why I have struggled with it so much. When we have sex, I do sometimes dwell on the fact that he is "shooting blanks" and it is honestly a turn-off to me. However, I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that I could tell the difference between a man who has had a vasectomy and one who has not (as the woman in the article seems to imply). At the same time, I didn't realize how much my sexual feelings toward my husband were tied into his ability to father a child until after he had the vasectomy. 

For us, what's done is done. I try not to dwell on the issue too much, and instead concentrate on the amazing virile man that my husband is. The vasectomy is really what spurred me to examine my own feelings surrounding sex, so I think I've grown in many ways. I do feel strongly that something as permanent as a vasectomy should be a joint decision in a marriage. A wife should not pressure her husband to get snipped if he doesn't want to. And a husband should not insist on getting snipped if his wife has uneasy feelings about it. It really can have lasting ramifications if both are not 100% on board.


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