# Ladies, how important is sexual intercourse to you?



## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Also, would you be able to settle for great oral sex and passionate kssing?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It depends on the reason. 

I could settle for that if i'm in a good marriage and he had some difficulties. 

Why do you ask?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Perhaps a mixture of curiosity and male insecurity.

Now can I ask you, what is a good marriage to you with some difficulties?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

It's pretty important; the other things you mention are great, too, but don't leave me feeling complete. But that's just me.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

For me, it's very much a part of physical intimacy. If, however, there's a medical reason that makes it impossible, providing there's proper communication about it, and the rest of the relationship was good, it wouldn't be a big deal for me.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Why is that so? Considering that it is not so much a conduit to orgasm? Or is there an emotional aspect to intercourse that makes it important to women?


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

There is definitely an emotional aspect for women during intercourse. Its like the ultimate connection. Like others have said...if for medical reasons..it wouldnt be important to me...but for other reasons it would definitely be an issue if it was lacking.


I enjoy oral sex..but to me, nothing is better then penetration.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

chaos said:


> Why is that so? Considering that it is not so much a conduit to orgasm? Or is there an emotional aspect to intercourse that makes it important to women?


It can be very much a conduit to orgasm... But, yes, the emotional connection is very important.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

There's a huge emotional aspect to intercourse. It seals and cements the bond like nothing else. Yes, it's very important but as others have said if there were medical reasons I could accept it graciously, but if for another reason there would be a problem.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

Penetration is about the emotional connection as much as the physical. It's hugely mental for me--I crave the intimacy that only p-v intercourse can provide. Physically it's very nice, but I can get off in many ways without it.


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## clearskies (Jun 9, 2012)

I agree with the others. There is a feeling I get, both emotional and physical, that only comes with intercourse. I think when people say the marriage is good they (or at least me) mean that emotionally, spiritually, physically, and finacially and least 3/4 are being met.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

chaos said:


> From the looks of it, it would be better for a man to not become emotionally involve with any woman.


Why do you say that?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Because, speaking as a man, no man can't truly control his penis.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

chaos said:


> Because, speaking as a man, no man can't truly control his penis.


If you're talking about ED, OP, communication is key. ED is only a problem in a relationship when it is allowed to become one.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> If you're talking about ED, OP, communication is key. ED is only a problem in a relationship when it is allowed to become one.


You're right of ocurse, but if it is so important to women, why would any man want to then deny her satisfaction by being a detriment to having it?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

chaos said:


> You're right of ocurse, but if it is so important to women, why would any man want to then deny her satisfaction by being a detriment to having it?


Chaos, whilst important, there are many, many ways that a couple can feel this connection without intercourse, but communication is vitally important. Whilst a man will find ED highly embarrassing / humiliating, unless a woman is made aware of why penetrative sex isn't possible, she can feel rejected and undesirable - and this is where problems creep in.

The first thing that needs to be addressed is the ED itself, because often a trip to the doctor can help sort this out. If the ED, for some reason, cannot be sorted out, a loving partner will help find other ways of having a mutually rewarding and satisfying physical relationship with her partner.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

We have occasional ED issues. It's never been so serious that we haven't been able to have intercourse at all--usually it's just a delay until later. 

But if the problem got to the point that penetration wasn't ever possible, well, we'd just figure out another way to get that intimacy, because that's what committed couples do.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

It's very important to me. But again, if it was the case of medical that made it impossible to do, I would be okay with it as long as the guy was willing to address it with an MD or therapist and I wasn't being neglected by him ignoring that there is a problem, by looking at porn or just flat out not providing me with touch/oral/physical affection. 

I'd do whatever it took to please and make my partner feel loved if there was a problem with me and I was unable to have intercourse, I'd expect no less from him.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

chaos said:


> Also, would you be able to settle for great oral sex and passionate kssing?


intercourse is VERY important to me.However,if my man had limitations or had some sort of medical issue making it impossible, I'd be perfectly happy with all the other ways we make love without intercourse.I believe that's part of being in love;-)


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I wanted to add,my boyfriend and i had an actual discussion about this one night.He teases me and says i just love him bc i love his penis. lol So then it went from there...we discussed what would happen if his equipment didn't work even w/meds,then we discussed what would happen if his hands didn't work,rofl i think we got all the way to "what if i had no tongue" before we were laughing too hard to finish the conversation.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

No nookie, no wifey. Period.

Even if intercourse weren't possible, we are gonna have *some* kind of playtime or heads are gonna roll!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Obviously, things happen with age. And, as those things come up, we will adapt. Health problems, we have adapted. There is more to sex than just intercourse. If he was of the mind "I don't care what you feel" or "I have no desire to have sex in any for, ever again" with no discussion, no attempts to learn the reasons behind the statements, then, yes, I would be gone. But things happen. We get older. We get sick. We have equipment failures, etc. I would expect him to feel the same (regarding the "i don't care..." statements). My point is that the emotional connection to my husband is what makes the SEX special, not the other way around.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chaos said:


> Perhaps a mixture of curiosity and male insecurity.
> 
> Now can I ask you, what is a good marriage to you with some difficulties?


What i meant is that if the marriage is basically good then it's work keeping. And if my husband had medical reasons why he could not have intercourse then we'd find a way to make things for. 

For one thing there are toys.

But if he could not have intercouse, how satisfying would sex be to him?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

ED is ominous. It can mean a serious problem in the body.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

chaos said:


> ED is ominous. It can mean a serious problem in the body.


Chaos, I'm not trying to minimize the effects of ED, and it can be a symptom of something more serious but, in reality, is unlikely to be anything more serious than a flat tyre is on a car.

A visit to the doctor is your first port of call, OP.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

chaos said:


> Also, would you be able to settle for great oral sex and passionate kssing?


I have to be honest. I do not want, need or crave sex anymore ever. I know it's important for him & the relationship. I love him & care about him. But if he had to become non-sexual for a medical reason, I would be relieved. 

Last night, I knew he wanted some sort of sexual interaction. We performed oral on each other & he was happy. It always smoothes things out when we have sex & makes him happy, which is why I rarely turn him down. I don't feel closer to him emotionally to be honest. But he feels loved & closer to me, so that's a good thing.

Physical touch is not my primary love language, but its his. I know this & try to do things to make him happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

clearskies said:


> I agree with the others. There is a feeling I get, both emotional and physical, that only comes with intercourse. I think when people say the marriage is good they (or at least me) mean that emotionally, spiritually, physically, and finacially and least 3/4 are being met.


I agree with the emotional connection & being connected in other ways. I wish I had that the way I used to. Perhaps I will in the future. I just don't feel it now. He feels connected to me, so that's good. I am under so much stress from so many sources right now, I just want to be left alone. Sex is not relaxing or something I look forward to. It's a another job right now. But he doesnt know that. I don't punish or berate or deny him for his need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clearskies (Jun 9, 2012)

honeysuckle rose said:


> I agree with the emotional connection & being connected in other ways. I wish I had that the way I used to. Perhaps I will in the future. I just don't feel it now. He feels connected to me, so that's good. I am under so much stress from so many sources right now, I just want to be left alone. Sex is not relaxing or something I look forward to. It's a another job right now. But he doesnt know that. I don't punish or berate or deny him for his need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honey I am sorry to hear you are going through that. Maybe look at why you are feeling the way you do. Physical touch is not my primary language, gifts are, and being broke hasn't helped!! So I wonder when you say it's a job is it that you are not feeling supported in other areas of your marriage. Sex is meant to bring you closer. If you are not feeling it, then maybe your feelings toward him have changed? If you don't feel like his lover, it's harder to connect sexually as such. I would also caution that he may know you are not into it, and may be like one of the men on this board who "gets it when they can" not when they want.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Good sexual intercourse is EXTREMELY important to me. And unless my husband got paralyzed from the waist down or something to that effect, then just oral and passionate kissing would in NO way cut it. Not even if it was amazing oral.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

chaos said:


> Also, would you be able to settle for great oral sex and passionate kssing?


I'd settle for that as a way to mix it up, but not in the long term.

I need to feel my husband inside me in order nurture our connection. Orgasms from penetration are ten times more powerful than clitoral orgasms for me.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Somewhere below shoes and somewhere above a colonoscopy?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

It is very important to me.. I am a walking hormone.. What can I say. I could have sex more then once a day and have the big finish each and every time and still want sex the next day!

I love oral but (there is always a but, isn't there) I have never achieved an orgasm by oral.

I can not live with out sex!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> Chaos, whilst important, there are many, many ways that a couple can feel this connection without intercourse, *but communication is vitally important. Whilst a man will find ED highly embarrassing / humiliating, unless a woman is made aware of why penetrative sex isn't possible, she can feel rejected and undesirable - and this is where problems creep in.*
> 
> This is what happened in my case. My husband never told me this was having issues in that department. I thought it was me and he no longer wanted me. He avoided sex at all costs. This was really hurtful, that he couldn't tell me.. I felt like total **** about myself, because i wasn't good enough for him anymore (he did do other things too, but i won't get into that.)
> 
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Ladybird said*: It is very important to me.. I am a walking hormone.. What can I say. I could have sex more then once a day and have the big finish each and every time and still want sex the next day!
> 
> I love oral but (there is always a but, isn't there) I have never achieved an orgasm by oral.
> 
> I can not live with out sex!





> *Firstyeardown said*: I'd settle for that as a way to mix it up, but not in the long term.
> 
> I need to feel my husband inside me in order nurture our connection. Orgasms from penetration are ten times more powerful than clitoral orgasms for me.


I feel like both of these ladies here... I LOVE my orgasms and oral just doesn't "do it" for me.... I need to feel him inside...this is his ultimate as well, giving us that nirvana feeling of "oneness".......nothing turns me on more so. 

I do thank God we live in the day of Viagra & "stiff nights" ! 

I've told my husband... if it stops working...if insurance didn't cover, we'd mortgage the house to get him a "pump" -cause yeah, it means THAT much. 

I feel I would get very depressed if something happened to him & we couldn't have penetrative sex. It just means the earth, sky and the moon to me, brings me the greatest pleasure & Joy. I pray such a day never comes. 

Women who can only orgasm through oral.. would have a much easier time with this... I'm just not one of those women. 

I would look upon this as a very deep LOSS.... I would likely have to go through all of the stages of grief to come to terms with it.... I don't feel it would be easy by any means. He has also told me, he would be very very depressed if that happened also. 

Thankfully they have books for couples who are in this situation to still have a vibrant & emotionally fullfilling sex life -without intercourse, here is one of them -written by 2 sex therapists. 

 Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse : Marty Klein, Riki Robbins: Books



> In this book, two of America's leading sex and gender experts show readers how to make sex more enjoyable by breaking away from the repetitive mechanics of intercourse. The book describes a path toward more a varied, playful, and intimate sexuality, debunking myths such as "impotence," "frigidity," and "foreplay;" indeed, the book shatters the myth that intercourse equals sex itself.
> 
> "*Let Me Count The Ways*":
> 
> ...


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## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

Vitally important. I need it. I love it!


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