# Infidelity and how it changes who they are to you



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

A post in another thread got me thinking about this.

Whether you are in R or D, how did your WS's cheating change how you see them as a person? I don't mean your anger or disgust so much...for me it's actually really, really tragic.

The hatred and triggers are diminishing for me (I am divorcing her), but so much, everything in fact, that she once was to me - is dead. I see absolutely nothing, but the person who destroyed us and our family. This hollow, empty, pathetic shell of a woman who I feel absolutely no love for whatsoever. It's almost like she's dehumanized to me. I care only in the capacity of her being the mother of my children - her well being still is important because she is my children's mother. But if it wasn't for that, I would literally not care at all if she evaporated from the earth, and with her every trace of her ever existing.

This is someone who I loved dearly, who I cherished, respected, defended, my best friend, my confidant, my ally...the closest person to me. How brutally tragic that now I see...nothing. I am empty. She's like a clay shell.

She is full of regret and in a great deal of pain. "I have chosen a very cold and lonely life for myself". She tells me all the time how much she still loves me...sends me pictures of her new tattoo ("Love conquers all" ), she told me today how much she misses "my beautiful heart...I'm so sorry...beautiful". And though this tears me up to write it, it's because my children sit here in front of me playing and I mourn the loss of my family. But that area of my heart, that was once so huge, so vast, so full, is totally dead and cavernous. 

How about you? Did you experience the death of that person in terms of who they were before? No? Are they the same? Temporarily dead? What do you feel about/for your WS now?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

michzz said:


> All of what you wrote, and more.
> 
> I wish I'd never met her.
> 
> I love my children with her and cannot see a world without them. But honestly, I screwed up in choosing such a vile creature for a wife.


There's the conundrum - my children are the most amazing thing in my world - my life. If it weren't for her - they wouldn't exist, and that's the goddamn paradox of it all.

I despise the fact I will alway have to be connected to her by that.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

It changed who I thought he was and knew him fairly well. Now I think all the time "I really don't have a clue how you think or who you really are". Any statement he makes, even about the most mundane things, makes me think it's manipulative. Overall, the trust on every level is shattered, not just the trust for fidelity.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Hi Healer

sorry for Thread Jack a Little, but I just read most of your threads today, and I was wondering why you have not opened a thread redacting your full story, I most likely get it all by Reading all your threads, you realease different parts in every post.

don't take me wrong, it is true that is always interesting to know how a user resolved all his/her situation, call it healthy or morbid curiosity, but is also true that other users learn from the differences in each case.

for example in your case I am really intriged about how you handled the 50K debt that your crazy ex got for her POSOM, or how you handled that b*stard coke dealer.

I think that a big thread in the section life after divorce redacting your story and at the same time going in your experiences after divorce (your XW manipulation, the fact about not being comfortable with new sexual partners, your crazy ex coping with the idea of you having new partners) will be beneficial for many users that all the time look for sitatuations that resembles their own and at the same time will attract more users when you want to discuss about a specific sitatuations (like Zillard or Gary).


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

It made me think the whole relationship was a lie even though we were together 10yrs.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I love my wife as much as I ever did.

However, I now am aware what she is capable of. And my trust is not 100%, of course.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As XW obviously had no respect for me when she cheated during our marriage, I have absolutely no respect for her or for her wealth, even after her abandonment and subsequent divorce!

If she truly wants something to fill that new void in her life, amongst other places on her person, then she can damn well afford to go buy her some!*


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I feel more for the person in front of me at the checkout line than I do for my stbxh. I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire. His vile behavior goes far beyond cheating to the point I don't see him as human. He is a shape shifter.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I see my H as more human now than I ever did before. He is not 100% the person I thought I knew. I have to get to know him all over again which I find a bit exciting yet sad. Trust....not ever going to be given to him blindly ever again.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I don't know who my EX wife is... The big thing is I don't care either.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Healer said:


> A post in another thread got me thinking about this.
> 
> Whether you are in R or D, how did your WS's cheating change how you see them as a person? I don't mean your anger or disgust so much...for me it's actually really, really tragic.
> 
> ...


Sounds right to me. I feel the same of my ex and I will never
look at her the same way. There's no other way of putting it,
but she killed off the woman that I loved more than anything and
I mourn the loss of her every day of my life.

To make matters worse, she has nothing else/left to say about it.
She's been able to put her A and our marriage behind her,
which only makes everything we experienced together that
much more painful to me. Like those 17 years meant nothing.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Healer said:


> There's the conundrum - my children are the most amazing thing in my world - my life. If it weren't for her - they wouldn't exist, and that's the goddamn paradox of it all.
> 
> I despise the fact I will alway have to be connected to her by that.


I know I hated to hear these words I'm about to say
to you, but what you feel is "normal".


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

My first wife cheated on me, left, and never looked back. My current fWW is now pretty much on the same level as the XW. I used to be so proud of her, that she had high boundaries. I had 100% trust in her, that she would never do to me what the XW did. 

Now she's forever off that pedestal that I had her on. I now know what she's capable of.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> My first wife cheated on me, left, and never looked back. My current fWW is now pretty much on the same level as the XW. I used to be so proud of her, that she had high boundaries. I had 100% trust in her, that she would never do to me what the XW did.
> 
> Now she's forever off that pedestal that I had her on. I now know what she's capable of.


*Lord: I'd greatly have to say that our individual situations seem to mirror each other!

I'm often to the point that I really wonder if I could ever fully trust any woman again. Do you ever find yourself rationalizing that way?*


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was very young when I married many years ago. I thought he was a good, moral person. I thought he would never cheat. I divorced him and we are friends again. But he stopped being the boy I married when he cheated for the first time.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

The cruel things he said and did after Dday to me, about me, to her, to family is hard to get over. For a time I thought of him as a monster, a psychopath, a narcissist... someone who reveled in my pain. It was hard not to demonize him when he was acting that way.

While I no longer see him as a monster, I have lost a tremendous amount of respect for WS. I am still cordial but the awe, admiration and esteem I had for him as my man and the father of my kids has been tarnished. I often see him as weak, as a child or as a wanking monkey. None of those images are a turn-on.

I often picture him sleeping with those women, I often picture him spanking it to the disgusting porn he was hiding from me (I was okay with porn before but he kept what he was really watching a secret). He trickle-truthed me about sleeping with other women after I had slept with him at the beginning of this summer. Which I felt betrayed by again because had I known he slept with them, I wouldn't have slept with him.


I just couldn't imagine being able to turn off the images when sober and it's been a lot of "hate-sex" or just using him to get my rocks off (which I've been fine with although I know it's dysfunctional) not intimate although he tries to make it that way by cuddling and kissing me afterwards and I just don't feel it.

I used to want to please him, I loved doing new things in the bedroom, I wanted to turn him on. Now I feel like there is nothing left to do that would be "new" or special or just for us if we did reconcile.

The lyrics in Adele's song, Forgive Me First Love 



> "So little to say but so much time,
> Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind....
> 
> "Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.
> ...


are very relatable to me because I feel less and less as time goes on and as things just keep getting swept under the rug.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

I'm just really disappointed now, and quite frankly, I think that is the worst of all the feelings I have had. 

Obviously there's the whole feeling of feeling like I have living with a stranger, the anger, lack of trust, etc. but now I can't look at him at him without... I don't quite know how to describe it, so I use the word disappointment. 

I hate the fact that he has shown he is weak (BIG turnoff). Too weak to stand strong in the face of temptation. Too weak to do what he knew was right. It damages the trust on a whole new level. One of the roles a man is supposed to play in his family is that of protector. Well, now I know that he is not the protector. Not only did he NOT guard the gate, he invited the strangers in, and entertained them too. 

It may sound simplistic, maybe even "old-fashioned", but to me, three key roles for a man to fulfill in his home are: Leader, Protector, Provider. He failed on all three.

You can't lead when you are always at the bars/clubs/out of town.
You can't protect when you are away from the place you are supposed to protect, and you also leave the gates wide open.
You can't provide when you are racking up credit card debts on your various addictions and sexual improprieties.

So at this point, I don't know what to do with him. Unfortunately, he is the father of my child, and that is a connection never to be severed. Beyond that... he is of no use to me. I know that sounds very harsh and cruel, and yes, I am still bitter a year out (haha), but it is how I feel. 

He has shown himself unreliable. He has shown himself selfish. He has shown himself to be weak in the face of temptation. 

I already have one child to raise, I don't need two.


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## confusedFather (Jul 15, 2012)

What changed most for me is how I see her morally. I think I kind of had her on a pedestal. Seeing her teach my sons how to be good men and good people, seeing her right me when I let emotion get the better of me, gave me a sense that she really could do no wrong. 

The way she spoke of cheaters before she became one made think I was safe. I thought she was like me; someone who would not cheat.

Now I know my perception of her was wrong and that changes my feelings deep down. I still love her and trust her but it's just not the same. It's really hard to explain. 

My emotions are dulled. That's the best way I can describe it. I hope this changes with time. We were in such a wonderful place as a couple on Dday. We had an incredible 4 day weekend trip about a month before dday. We both want to feel like that again.


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> My first wife cheated on me, left, and never looked back. My current fWW is now pretty much on the same level as the XW. I used to be so proud of her, that she had high boundaries. I had 100% trust in her, that she would never do to me what the XW did.
> 
> Now she's forever off that pedestal that I had her on. I now know what she's capable of.


I'm in the same situation. First wife cheated several times, we divorced after 16 years of marriage and 2 kids. I thought wife #2 would be different. She knew how devastated I was by my first marriage. It only took WW#2 3 years to cheat on me.
We're separated. WW wants to reconcile, she says, but the longer she is gone, the less I want to try to R. I like life without her and the crap she pulled. She is coming by later today to say hello. I'd rather just stay here with my kids by ourselves. The woman I fell in love with and with whom had planned such a nice future with is becoming more and more a distant memory.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

It's change my outlook greatly of my ex wife. I still think she's a great gal and a pretty solid catch, but I no longer trust her completely with my heart-hence the divorce. She pretty much just confirmed, what I basically already knew about women. They all want to cheat. They probably all will at some point. Especially the beautiful ones. 

But, she's a good mom and pretty remorseful so I've put her into the rotation lol. 

But yeah, it does change the outlook big time and perception of that person. How could it not, I mean it's an epic betrayal. I'd rather my ex-wife beat the **** outta me, or hit me with a car, or even ignore me for a awhile rather than cheat on me. It's the worst.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

I have to agree with the disappointment theme.

My last relationship was for seven years, and as the much more experienced and confident person, I had plenty of offers over those years.

I consciously chose her personality and 'goodness' every time.

The real disappointment is that her particular honesty turned out to be negotiable. 

By nature, I did this 180 thing long before I came to this website, because for me, disrespect is unforgiveable. I never responded to subsequent attempts to re-establish contact.

Still, I'm sad about it. I'm sick of being the only one in my world who does what is right, instead of what is easy. Sounds puffed up, but I've put my career on the line for workmates when I thought they were unfairly treated, and I've turned my back on family members who've demonstrated a lack of moral fibre. 

....But now it makes me wonder whether seeking honesty in a person is a fundamental mistake. 

"Changes who they are to you" is one thing. It's the change in my subconscious/natural reactions to all people which worries me more. It's pretty pointless to live in a world full of enemies.

Does anyone else understand that? Is there a cure, and ... does it need curing, or is it just 'enlightenment'.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> It's change my outlook greatly of my ex wife. I still think she's a great gal and a pretty solid catch, but I no longer trust her completely with my heart-hence the divorce. She pretty much just confirmed, what I basically already knew about women. They all want to cheat. They probably all will at some point. Especially the beautiful ones.
> 
> But, she's a good mom and pretty remorseful so I've put her into the rotation lol.
> 
> But yeah, it does change the outlook big time and perception of that person. How could it not, I mean it's an epic betrayal. I'd rather my ex-wife beat the **** outta me, or hit me with a car, or even ignore me for a awhile rather than cheat on me. It's the worst.


See, that saddens me. It's a bleak outlook. Sex is like eating, there's more than one reason to do it - one because it tastes good, two because it's keeps you healthy and happy. Maybe number three is that there is a connection you can't achieve through talking.

If what you're saying is really true, then the 'healthy and happy' aspect of it seems impossible. In which case, I'd rather not 'eat' at all. I'd rather press the nuclear button and wipe everyone out, than live in such a bleak world, to be frank!


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I no longer have thoughts of her as being perfect or a foundation of my emotional security and sense of self worth.

Once I let go of that, and see the good and bad in her, the strength and weakness, she's still special to me, and the good outweighs the bad. By miles. 

Far and away my best and most trusted friend. But not trusted totally.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Wow, some really profound, and painfully poignant things to read here. Thank you all for sharing, and keep them coming.

I'm so sorry for all the pain here.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I don't give a fvck that my Ex is the mother of my kids.. She is a piece of sh1t and should die a horrible death.. 

I would try to fake crocodile tears for my kids sake maybe.. But honestly I would just be indifferent and be there for my kids.. 

I know it sound bravado and such but honestly, that is how I am.. My issues are different from many here as my wife abandoned my kids partially as well. To me her cutting out my oldest has become the last straw for me.. She is isn't even fit to be a mother.. 

I do believe that she is okay with the seeing the youngest because he doesn't understand and does not pose a threat to this OM.. If he did I am sure he would have her cut him out as well. 

I've learned to not take sh1t in a relationship but if anything I am a bit too strong now with it. 

I think now if I had to deal with this again it would be much easier and I would be much stronger.. I just hope I never have to deal with this again, only for my kids sake.. 

I'm more in control and won't give that up ever again..

I am closer with my kids today then I have ever been.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> I don't give a fvck that my Ex is the mother of my kids.. She is a piece of sh1t and should die a horrible death..
> 
> I would try to fake crocodile tears for my kids sake maybe.. But honestly I would just be indifferent and be there for my kids..
> 
> ...


I feel for you. You're wife is a true POS. But out of your ordeal came you being a tougher, stronger and better man. But also, most importantly a great dad who has an incredibly bond with his children. Women like your wife, I just don't get. To just cast aside her own children. Yuck, what a lonely, vile, disgusting creature she is. When you make the great trip to paradise or heaven or whatever, you will be surrounded by friends and love ones and your children. When she goes, she'll more than likely be alone. Such a shallow existence. 

I wish the best for you and your children. Good luck.


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## berries (Nov 4, 2013)

All women want to cheat? WTF? I have never had any desire to cheat and not to toot my own horn but I have never been considered anything less than a looker.

So no, not all women want to cheat. Even the beautiful ones.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

Less than a year since D-Day, I'm still relatively early in the R process; he still has a long way to go to earn back my trust, which of course will never be as complete as it was before (I was totally sure he'd never cheat on me - HA!). 

There's a saying in journalism that goes something like even if your mother tells you something, check it out - so I think one sad lesson from all this is you really can't trust anybody 100%. I did, I shouldn't have, and my hurt was the greater for having done so. Never again.

I'm still dealing with the trauma and the grief. That colors everything. I hope time and counseling and work - more on his part but some on mine - will help with that.

Because of the affair - as well as some "financial infidelity" that started even before that (excessive spending on himself, and hiding some of it) - I don't have confidence that he "has my back." The partnership, the tight team that I thought we had is something that I'm not very sure about anymore - this goes back to the "attachment injury" concept that appears to be a core part of the model our MC is using. I don't think of "us" as a glued together unit, solid and strong - it's shaky still, in my mind, held together by tape and strings. I can see counseling taking us in a direction that will slowly get us to a place where we can be a more solid "us" but now, we're a work in progress. Because of my pain, I often wish it could go faster, but I try to be patient.

He's working hard, but he can never NOT have cheated on me. We both love each other, which helps a lot, but it doesn't change the facts or mean that there doesn't have to be a lot of hard work. 

I hope I will come to see him some day as a flawed man who loves me and who is really basically a good person who's done more than his share of good in the world, who has some mental health issues that weren't being adequately treated at the time of his affair and who made some bad choices and behaved badly for a period of time, and who is someone who will truly be there for me in the long run.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Another element to the tragedy is how you take this new outlook on your WS and place it on new relationships...if you can call them that (speaking for myself here). I have dated since, and am seeing one gal in particular more and more. My outlook on relationships, trust, women in general (sad and unfair, I know) is so damaged...I am so closed off - there's a HUGE wall up around me. I can't fathom ever opening myself up again. That coldness and apathy I have towards my stbxw carries over to other potential relationships. I don't want it to be that way, but it is. I can't even fathom letting myself love again. It's like she killed that part of me off. I hope it comes back someday. Or do I? I just can't imagine leaving myself that exposed ever again.


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## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

It's back and forth for me. Somedays she's the vile evil woman that did evil and vindictive things to me with no regard to our family. Other days she's the woman I've grown up with, bought a house with, started a family with. 

The days I think I want R come less and less. I have to constantly remind myself what she did to our family and that I need to respect myself. 

Unfortunately no matter how I feel about her she will always be the mother of my child. I have to show respect towards her for the sake of our son.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

berries said:


> All women want to cheat? WTF? I have never had any desire to cheat and not to toot my own horn but I have never been considered anything less than a looker.
> 
> So no, not all women want to cheat. Even the beautiful ones.


Not sure what this was a reply to, but my two cents...

I don't see either gender as more or less likely to cheat than the other. 

Some people are more or less likely to cheat than others. I suspect everyone has a breaking point. It's a question of how easily it is reached. But the real trouble is you often don't realise where the breaking point is until you have reached it and broken.

I believe my wife is a decent woman and very unlikely to cheat...but the fact is she did. I know she has learned from it. I hope it's enough.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hope one day you can find that chick that you can be open with and have a sense off security and have a healthy and happy relationship with.
We all deserve good things!
I pray that in time you can come to terms with the fact that not all woman are POS.

My out look on Mrs the-guy hasn't really changed. In my case I was not a nice man and what I did was criminal...
So my perspective isn't no were near yours or many others here, In my case there was a huge grace in forgiveness for me and for my old lady. If anything I look at her and see that she has more strenght now in the commitment she has for me.

But one thing I'm sure off...that with time you will change and in time you will enjoy and have a healthy relationship with a wonderful woman.

I just think people can change and in your case I hope that this funk your in is just temporary and you meet someone you can be truly happy with.

I'm guessing any women you meet now isn't seeing the person you want to be, but in time you will come to a place of peace and trust that will nurture a great relationship that will make you comfortable and happy.

Good luck brother and never let your STBXW define you.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Healer said:


> Another element to the tragedy is how you take this new outlook on your WS and place it on new relationships...if you can call them that (speaking for myself here). I have dated since, and am seeing one gal in particular more and more. My outlook on relationships, trust, women in general (sad and unfair, I know) is so damaged...I am so closed off - there's a HUGE wall up around me. I can't fathom ever opening myself up again. That coldness and apathy I have towards my stbxw carries over to other potential relationships. I don't want it to be that way, but it is. I can't even fathom letting myself love again. It's like she killed that part of me off. I hope it comes back someday. Or do I? I just can't imagine leaving myself that exposed ever again.


23 years out.

It comes back in a sense. Not as it was before. I can be emotionally vulnerable, but I will not be emotionally dependent. Hopefully the distinction makes sense.

By the way, the truth of this transformed my view of relationships, and is part of how I can reconcile. My wife betrayed me, and I don't see any way to be sure that a future partner can't. So I move from looking for someone who will not betray to looking for someone who is unlikely to, while recognising the risk. Then I manage the risk.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Damaged Goods.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> She will be the new first piece of birthday cake for someone else. Not sure if that even makes sense.


Interesting way to think about it, but I still see it more as the same cake, but the old red icing has been scraped off and fresh white icing applied. Doesn't change the fact the dye in the old icing has already soaked into the crust of the cake. The cake might be new to the next person, but the question that has to be asked is if the fresh icing will ever turn pink.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I will never be the same man I was when I met her. She will never be the same woman.


X2

Im not sure what was lost on D-Day but that part of me has never returned.

Not sure if it was a loss of innocence or just being naive.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

the guy said:


> I hope one day you can find that chick that you can be open with and have a sense off security and have a healthy and happy relationship with.
> We all deserve good things!
> I pray that in time you can come to terms with the fact that not all woman are POS.
> 
> ...


Thanks Guy - I hope you're right.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

My stbxw keeps texting me saying how hard she is working, only doing good things, living a good life, that she now "is the woman I always needed her to be". That may be, but it's just. too. late.

She talks a lot about what an "empty, cold life" she has made for herself by doing what she did - throwing it all away. I can see it all over her face. She sees now that she DID have a good life - a good husband. I'll never understand how she could have thrown that all away - how could she not see this would happen? She knew the second she spread for posom that she killed us. She preemptively left me because she knew I would find out and that would be the end of it - even though I initially thought I wanted to R. She knew better.

But that's what self destructive people do - they destroy the good things on purpose. My dad is like that too. And like my stbxw, I have removed him from my life.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have you been able to verify from other close to her if this is in fact true...or does she just look like sh!t in hopes of winning you back.

My point is actions speak loader then words so what is the general consensus with regard to her working on her self?

Not that it matter a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker, but what I'm curious is she a party girl or staying home and really working on her self.

Maybe she looks like crap she she is out all night?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Healer said:


> Whether you are in R or D, how did your WS's cheating change how you see them as a person?


A saw her almost immediately as an untrustworthy wench. To have given so much of myself and do anything for her, only to have her do this to me, well when I found out the hurt, mixed with anger, took over and all I could see was "cheating b***h" stamped on her forehead.

I knew the only way I'd be at peace was to divorce her.



> The hatred and triggers are diminishing for me (I am divorcing her), but so much, everything in fact, that she once was to me - is dead.


Exactly. If I had stayed, I'm sure the anger and triggers would diminish for me in time. But I don't want a life of even 1 small trigger every year or so. No thanks.

After I filed for divorce and asked her to move out, once she did, it got better, then when the divorce was final a short 4 months after, no more triggers. Doesn't mean that her cheating didn't enter my mind, but it was no longer a trigger as I could laugh at her over it rather than be hurt by it.




> This is someone who I loved dearly, who I cherished, respected, defended, my best friend, my confidant, my ally...the closest person to me. How brutally tragic that now I see...nothing. I am empty. She's like a clay shell.



Been there done that my brother.

But you know, some here will say, although maybe not in this thread, that you can say all you want that you cherished her and loved her dearly, but SOMETHING you must have done or not done caused her to go cheat.

A lot here that have cheated won't buy that you were all those things to her. 



> How about you? Did you experience the death of that person in terms of who they were before?


Absolutely


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

My wife and I were very close...we were best friends...we had an awkward sex life (she suffered abuse) and for a while it was non-existant, then she became a porn actress in our bedroom, and 2 weeks later was D day...we also had finance related stress due to her over spending and accumulating debt...

but despite that, we were close...we were great together as parents, had a LOT in common, did a lot of social things together, I would go in the man cave to play guitar or record, shed come down with me and read/listen...just to hang out...we were best friends and life partners

then D day

and now, I still care about her, and I am MORE sexually attracted to her than I ever was before (therapy please)...but I dont see her as a life partner any more...I am Han Solo and decided I didnt need Chewabacca anymore, I can just have a droid co-pilot...

When I make decisions about my future, immediate or down the road, she no longer factors in...without even purposely disregarding her, she no longer immeidately is a part of it...

When I see her in person, I go from feeling very very sad for what SHE did to HER life, to feeling VERY VERY angre AT her for what SHE did to her FAMILY...and what SHE did to her HUSBAND

She betrayed me on so many unforgivable levels that nothing she does will EVER make up for it...all the intimacy that developed is gone...sure we can still SCREW...and unfortunately we have once since D day, but thats it...

But that is NOTHING, not even remotely close to the betrayal she unfolded on my son and young daughter...when my daughter is upset because of our current situation, doesnt wamt to leave ME to go stay with her, then days later she doesnt want to leave HER to go to ME...it infuriates me...luckily I am not a violent person...

My daughter had a very scary tantrum last night, when my wife came to get her...she was inconsolable and wanted mommy to stay there with US...she took off ALL her clothes and TIED herself, by her waist, to her bed frame...and was hitting us when we tried to untie her...I ended up letting my stbx handle it by herself...horrible


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Healer said:


> There's the conundrum - my children are the most amazing thing in my world - my life. If it weren't for her - they wouldn't exist, and that's the goddamn paradox of it all.


I hate it when people use this to say, "but she is the mother of your children, you shouldn't disrespect her in any way"

BS I say. The fact she mothered my kids doesn't win her any awards other than I have my kids.

And some will say, "wishing you never met her is wishing your children away"

Wrong. Here it is. If I had known then what I know now I would have dumped her flat. However I wouldn't wish to go back in time and do it differently because I would then be wishing my kids away.

But if I had known she was a cheating skank before marrying her, then I'd have told her pack her shyte.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> My daughter had a very scary tantrum last night, when my wife came to get her...she was inconsolable and wanted mommy to stay there with US...she took off ALL her clothes and TIED herself, by her waist, to her bed frame...and was hitting us when we tried to untie her...I ended up letting my stbx handle it by herself...horrible


That's the **** that breaks my heart and makes me really angry. Sorry to hear about it. That WS's cause the little ones pain - makes me fume with hatred.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

vellocet said:


> I hate it when people use this to say, "but she is the mother of your children, you shouldn't disrespect her in any way"
> 
> BS I say. The fact she mothered my kids doesn't win her any awards other than I have my kids.
> 
> ...


Yup - it's a paradox.

My stbxw really struggles with the fact that I've detached from her. She still craves that connection and tries to get it many ways. She knows I don't want to see her or talk to her and it drives her nuts. I know it's hard for her. If it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't have any contact at all. She still sends me pix of the kids when they're with her - I like to see the pix but I don't respond and I never send her pix. We just came back from California (the kids and I) and she texted me "I really hoped you'd send some pictures to me". She's lost that privilege. I don't care to share my life or my life with the kids with her. Another tragic component of her betrayal.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Healer said:


> Yup - it's a paradox.
> 
> My stbxw really struggles with the fact that I've detached from her. She still craves that connection and tries to get it many ways. She knows I don't want to see her or talk to her and it drives her nuts. I know it's hard for her. If it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't have any contact at all. She still sends me pix of the kids when they're with her - I like to see the pix but I don't respond and I never send her pix. We just came back from California (the kids and I) and she texted me "I really hoped you'd send some pictures to me". She's lost that privilege. I don't care to share my life or my life with the kids with her. Another tragic component of her betrayal.


I went back and dug this up from one of your threads. Your STBXW is a piece of work: 




> She was, since the day I met her, insecure, jealous, low self-esteem and constantly accusing me of cheating, even though she KNEW I wasn't. She was batsh*t crazy, ultra paranoid, and nothing I could do would stop her from acting that way. I stopped living my life, stopped making music, stopped having friends or associating with colleagues - all to try and appease her fears and paranoia. It did nothing. I constantly told her how beautiful she was, how proud I was of her, what a great mom she was, how funny and and sexy she was, that she could do anything she put her mind to...it meant nothing. She resented my career and success, hated that I had friends, hated when I would spend time with my family. She has a personality disorder. There was not a damn thing I could have done to stop her from cheating. She was in therapy for a while before she did. Her therapist saw this coming. She said "you are going to drive him away - cause him to cheat". She was wrong on that part - I never cheated. But she did, ultimately, drive me away.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I no longer saw her as my partner my spouse 

She simply became my ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

LostViking said:


> I went back and dug this up from one of your threads. Your STBXW is a piece of work:


Don't I know it brother. I've said it before: I never would have left her (save the cheating). I would've endured the emotional abuse, losing my balls and any semblance of a social life or even a sense of self - because I took that vow. And I could NEVER have done that to my children. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself, knowing I robbed them of their family and their security. When she cheated and left, she made the decision for me. Then I agreed to reconcile and she was thrilled - terrified I'd leave - but so happy I was willing. Then I ended it, took back control.

She did what I was unwilling to do, and now I am free of her. And for that, I am grateful.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The only fortunate thing about my D with my skanky XW is that I didn't have kids with her, thank God. Although I'm too damn old for that crap anyway.

Well, her own kids are really something to be absolutely proud of, with their drug possession records and incarceration history and all! 

Just gives "Mama" something to be awfully proud of! She can spend her lavish fortune habitually bailing them out of the Graybar Hilton!*


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> I have to agree with the disappointment theme.
> 
> My last relationship was for seven years, and as the much more experienced and confident person, I had plenty of offers over those years.
> 
> ...


It's enlightenment.. if you spend your time being good, and doing the right thing, while you're doing that, someone is banging your wife and stealing your things. The world is full of disappointment.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

russell28 said:


> It's enlightenment.. if you spend your time being good, and doing the right thing, while you're doing that, someone is banging your wife and stealing your things. The world is full of disappointment.


*You hit the proverbial nail on the head, Russ! I know, all too well, how it is that you feel. 

Ben there ~ done that!*


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

russell28 said:


> It's enlightenment.. if you spend your time being good, and doing the right thing, while you're doing that, someone is banging your wife and stealing your things. The world is full of disappointment.


Seems that way. Thanks for answering my fundamental question too, by the way.

I can't help being er... good to people, but I have modified my behaviour in the past 3 years, to:

Try to do your best for people, but if they are ungrateful, then dish out consequences. Reward or punishment, like the pavlovian dogs they are!


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

The betrayal I experienced changed my view of life forever, and in ways that I would not have thought possible.

My exWW became a grey soul and a broken person. I feel pity for her. Much the same as a person on the streets begging. Her life is going ok, with the possibility of marrying a much older man that has money. Funny, she had several decent boyfriends over the past two years, but dumped them for the dude with less personality, looks, etc. My son was disappointed in it. 

I really don't care as long as my sons are treated decently, and I believe this guy has a good heart. I feel sympathy for him and am worried that she is using him. I have only seen one picture of him on her FB page. She obviously is not "in love" the way you would expect.

My view of women including my new wife of about 14 months is different. I will never think of women as something above men again. It seems it was a wake-up call to me that I am not special in any sense. Just another guy that had a cheating wife. Just a guy that had a "best" friend that preferred his ego over my relationship. Stuff sucks.

Today is a new day. A new me, and a new family. Love my new wife dearly. She is capable of screwing up, just like my exWW did. I do like the odds of starting over with a person that has been through hell. It seems they are polished when they have had to go through tough times. Less entitlement and more gratitude for me. 

I feel that a new person is easier to love because there is no resentment. My decision to D was, in part, to allow both of us a chance to start fresh and heal.

My hope is that those who hurt can find peace. For me a D became the only path that offered it.


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

I still trigger. My life is MUCH better than it ever was before. But I still trigger every now and then. But I try to laugh it off.

I no longer trust 100%, at all. It's hard for me to open myself up to people, and have an only a few "friends". But I have only 4 real friends: My parents, my husband, and my mother in law.

I'm not even friends with my son. He wants nothing to do with me even though I was not the one that cheated.

This is really depressing me.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Lovemytruck said:


> My view of women including my new wife of about 14 months is different. I will never think of women as something above men again. It seems it was a wake-up call to me that I am not special in any sense.


"I'm not special in any sense" - Wrong!

Just like Malcolm X used to say about the 'house' ***** and the 'field' *****. 

Stay with me here....

The house ***** used to care more for the master than the master cared for himself. If there was a fire he'd say 'whadda we gonna do boss?" - 'we' because he thought he had a special position in the master's eyes, thought his master was his protecting angel etc etc.

The field ***** was in the field because he wasn't trusted enough by the master. He toiled the same, lived in worse conditions, ate worse food than the house *****. But the field ***** knew the master was just a man, and a man who was exploiting him, using him. Any chance he got, the cotton-picking ***** would run away, or if he could, he'd light the fire himself. Naturally, he got the harsh words and the whip, but as Robert burns says, because he wasn't under any illusions, "a man's a man, for a' that" (= all the more so).

Right this is the bit where I stop havering (talking nonsense) and get to the point.

You have realised that 'woman' is mortal, just as you are. If she tries to exploit you, you have the will and desire to escape. If she treats you as a real person, you'll stay, and there'll be harmony.

You are special, son: you've brushed away the cobwebs from your eyes and joined the ranks of the Field ******!

BEFORE you became a real-world dweller was when you were nothing special! 

NOW, you know what respect should look like and you can insist on getting it!


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Anonymous Person said:


> I still trigger. My life is MUCH better than it ever was before. But I still trigger every now and then. But I try to laugh it off.
> 
> I no longer trust 100%, at all. It's hard for me to open myself up to people, and have an only a few "friends". But I have only 4 real friends: My parents, my husband, and my mother in law.
> 
> ...


Why does he not want anything to do with you? How old is he?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> "I'm not special in any sense" - Wrong!
> 
> Just like Malcolm X used to say about the 'house' ***** and the 'field' *****.
> 
> ...


Interesting analogy!


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Everything about our marriage prior to dday is dead. The woman i fell in love with and married is dead. This woman here now is just someone who looks exactly like her. I look at her as an empty shell, the same person on the outside, but completely hollow on the inside.

I still love her, but I cant bring myself to tell her "I love you". I hate her, am disgusted by her, I want to make her suffer. The next minute I miss her and want to love her. Its a vicious cycle.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

I miss what could have been most. 

I got married at 20, so it was almost like I grew up with STBXW. 

She was my wife, friend and more. 

It made me realize you can't trust anyone too much. You have to live for yourself. 

It opened the door for me to make great strides in my personal life. 

I refuse to let her take my future like she had my past. 

I've learned a lot from the experience, and I feel it's made me a better person. 

To me, she's a selfish person, untrustworthy, even unworthy of my devotion. I wish her no ill will. She was always selfish, but I thought she was also loyal. 

I think she feels bad, but like any addict can't help herself. 

If she doesn't wake up, I think the road in front of her is a rocky one.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

awake1 said:


> I miss what could have been most.
> 
> I got married at 20, so it was almost like I grew up with STBXW.
> 
> ...


Great post.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

the guy said:


> Have you been able to verify from other close to her if this is in fact true...or does she just look like sh!t in hopes of winning you back.
> 
> My point is actions speak loader then words so what is the general consensus with regard to her working on her self?
> 
> ...


She is a complete and total liar. She is still living the bar life 100% - she's actually going backwards in terms of growing up and "bettering" herself. She spends all her time at the bar she works at - whether it's actually working or socializing. Her friends are barfly scum. My coworker just called me over to his desk because he looked her up on Facebook - he wanted me to see her profile pic. It's below. Thug life! YUCK!!! Is that how a 36 year old mother of 2 presents herself? I honestly wouldn't care but she is the mother of my children!

My friend brought it up to me today that "she never has them for a full day - she never gets them out of bed, spends the day and puts them to bed - she's basically just daycare right before and right after school". I have them Tues-Sun. She never has them on the weekend. I worry so much about them and the life that she has them in. 

What do you see when you look at this picture?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

skanky, that is the first Word that comes to mind.

are you fighting custody?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

manticore said:


> skanky, that is the first Word that comes to mind.
> 
> are you fighting custody?


Yeah that's accurate. I'm really hoping I don't have to go there. Everyone around me sure thinks I should. It would get real ugly and would be brutal on my kids. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but if it does, yes, I will.


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## pinkslippers (Dec 16, 2013)

Before the affair, my husband was my rock. He was my knight in shinning armor and I would have jumped in front of a moving bus to save him from being hit. He was my heart, soul, life, breath, everything. Now he's a puny man-child who is a lying narcissist. I feel like I can't depend on him to take care of me in any way, shape, or form. I can't believe a thing he says. If he said it was sunny outside, I'd have to go and look for myself-that's how much I don't believe him. It totally sucks, too, because we are really good friends, and I want to enjoy his company, but I just can't act married.

What's more is the way HIS affair changed me. I used to be fun and loving life and happy and carefree and passionate and inspired. Now I rely on anti-depressants to help me not fly off the deep end. I'm different. I have changed into a cynical, jaded person who has NO emotions. I hate that about myself more than I hate what I see in him now.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

pinkslippers said:


> Before the affair, my husband was my rock. He was my knight in shinning armor and I would have jumped in front of a moving bus to save him from being hit. He was my heart, soul, life, breath, everything. Now he's a puny man-child who is a lying narcissist. I feel like I can't depend on him to take care of me in any way, shape, or form. I can't believe a thing he says. If he said it was sunny outside, I'd have to go and look for myself-that's how much I don't believe him. It totally sucks, too, because we are really good friends, and I want to enjoy his company, but I just can't act married.
> 
> What's more is the way HIS affair changed me. I used to be fun and loving life and happy and carefree and passionate and inspired. Now I rely on anti-depressants to help me not fly off the deep end. I'm different. I have changed into a cynical, jaded
> 
> person who has NO emotions. I hate that about myself more than I hate what I see in him now.



Did I write this? 

~ sammy?


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Through R we are working very hard to BOTH be better spouses and I think we're doing a great job. He is also doing extremely well at the heavy lifting required to save the marriage. I love him and adore him.

With that being said, I no longer trust him. He knows this. And as much as I love him, I no longer NEED him. He also knows this. Not sure if that makes sense...but what I'm trying to say is that if he effs up again, I'm gone. And I will be just fine. He knows this too.

Before his EA, I could never imagine being fine without him in my life. Now he is just an enhancement to my life and no longer a necessity. What a waste!


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Healer said:


> What do you see when you look at this picture?


I am physically repulsed. 

I thought it was a sad little wannabe gangster boy... And yet it's a woman apparently.

Please hold onto all these photos for when she suddenly realises that judges are uneasy about giving custody to try-hard crack*****s. 

She'll turn up to court in a fancy suit, and you don't want anyone to be fooled by that.

Seeing the size of her ego, she'll have no doubt made videos of herself bigging it up about her gangsta lifestyle and how much booze she can pack away in one night....

It would be golddust to get a hold of that.

You have my sympathy.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> I am physically repulsed.
> 
> I thought it was a sad little wannabe gangster boy... And yet it's a woman apparently.
> 
> ...


I cannot believe I married that. Of course she wasn't like that when I did - a little tomboyish maybe, but she has consistently been in a downward spiral for the last few years. THAT is the mother of my children. She sickens me. The upswing is that I won't be married to that for much longer.

That picture represents everything I despise about that type of person. She's a try-hard thug. And also a cokehead - not just booze.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Healer said:


> I cannot believe I married that. Of she wasn't like that when I did - a little tomboyish maybe, but she has consistently been in a downward spiral for the last few years. THAT is the mother of my children. She sickens me. The upswing is that I won't be married to that for much longer.
> 
> That picture represents everything I despise about that type of person. She's a try-hard thug. And also a cokehead - not just booze.


Man... words fail me.

She is everything I would never want in a woman.

Please nail that sucka with some paaaaaiiiiin :smthumbup:


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## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

Healer said:


> I cannot believe I married that. Of she wasn't like that when I did - a little tomboyish maybe, but she has consistently been in a downward spiral for the last few years. THAT is the mother of my children. She sickens me. The upswing is that I won't be married to that for much longer.
> 
> That picture represents everything I despise about that type of person. She's a try-hard thug. And also a cokehead - not just booze.


She looks like a thug out teenager. 

So she is also a cokehead? Please fight for full custody. It's not just about her affair anymore. I would not want that around my kids.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Im no where near the person I was. I am someone who has no idea what path to take, where my new road will lead, nor what the remaining years my life will look like. 

I know I am extremely lonely now, no longer have any joy,(not to say he brought me all the joy, but surly my lifestyle did) I have very few friends left, and no family to speak of. I have to depend on myself to take care of only me now, travel alone, eat alone, shop alone, sleep alone, go to the movies alone, maintain all the "guy stuff" stuff, as well do everything alone. 

I thought it was a life long dream to have a long term marriage, boy was I a fool. I will never recommend anyone to strive for such a thing, only a fools dream. 

I look at him, and I think, sadly, you'll never be to me what we once were, and he just cant understand why? 

~ sammy


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Healer said:


> I cannot believe I married that. Of course she wasn't like that when I did - a little tomboyish maybe, but she has consistently been in a downward spiral for the last few years. THAT is the mother of my children. She sickens me. The upswing is that I won't be married to that for much longer.
> 
> That picture represents everything I despise about that type of person. She's a try-hard thug. And also a cokehead - not just booze.


My God healer, wow I feel for ya bro. She looks like a complete moron and tool. Nothing screams class on a woman like a straight bill hat, gansta lean, flipping off the camera like you think your Jay-z or The Game or something, and (my personal fav of any woman) a wraparound arm tattoo of daisy's and flower. So, so class. Such a classy gal. 

Is she black or white? Cause if it's the latter. Then... Yeah. 

She looks like a character I use to perform as when I was a male "exotic" dancer. Of course I was 22 years old, a tool, single, and a MAN. 


Good luck.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> My God healer, wow I feel for ya bro. She looks like a complete moron and tool. Nothing screams class on a woman like a straight bill hate, gansta lean, flipping of the camera like you think your Jay-z or The Game or something, and (my personal fav of any woman) a wraparound arm tattoo of daisy's and flower. So, so class. Such a classy gal.
> 
> Is she black or white? Cause if it's the latter. Then... Yeah.
> 
> ...


He'll need more than just luck with that one


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> He'll need more than just luck with that one


Well, I hear they're developing a new spray on repellent for Dumb, cheating, coke head, scum, "gangsta" cheating slvts. But I have no idea when it's going to become available to the general public.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> Well, I hear they're developing a new spray on repellent for Dumb, cheating, coke head, scum, "gangsta" cheating slvts. But I have no idea when it's going to become available to the general public.


aaaah.... You mean flamethrowers? Just the thing


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

Who they are. That I don't know. I do know for certain that I have lost any and all respect for who she is now. I respect the mailman more than my wife.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Healer said:


> I cannot believe I married that. Of course she wasn't like that when I did - a little tomboyish maybe, but she has consistently been in a downward spiral for the last few years. THAT is the mother of my children. She sickens me. The upswing is that I won't be married to that for much longer.
> 
> That picture represents everything I despise about that type of person. She's a try-hard thug. And also a cokehead - not just booze.


my God, and she was lookimg reconcilation with that aptitude, you are right, man have you foward that image to her parents, if she acts like a stupid kid, she needs a good spank as such.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> My God healer, wow I feel for ya bro. She looks like a complete moron and tool. Nothing screams class on a woman like a straight bill hat, gansta lean, flipping off the camera like you think your Jay-z or The Game or something, and (my personal fav of any woman) a wraparound arm tattoo of daisy's and flower. So, so class. Such a classy gal.
> 
> Is she black or white? Cause if it's the latter. Then... Yeah.
> 
> ...


She's as white as they come. How does a person get dumber and more immature with age? I don't get it...

She's the ****ing poster child for regression.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

manticore said:


> my God, and she was lookimg reconcilation with that aptitude, you are right, man have you foward that image to her parents, if she acts like a stupid kid, she needs a good spank as such.


Sadly, her parents are white trash idiots as well. Her mom is into witchcraft, doesn't celebrate the holidays but does "solstice" instead. The kids were allowed a mini xmas tree at the stbxw's house, but NO Christmas balls - because they symbolize Christmas. :scratchhead: 

I guess I should've known better than to marry into this. I was young and stupid. When I asked my folks if they were surprised by her cheating, they paused and said "No". A blind fool, I was. Everyone saw it but me.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Healer said:


> Sadly, her parents are white trash idiots as well. Her mom is into witchcraft, doesn't celebrate the holidays but does "solstice" instead. The kids were allowed a mini xmas tree at the stbxw's house, but NO Christmas balls - because they symbolize Christmas. :scratchhead:
> 
> I guess I should've known better than to marry into this. I was young and stupid. When I asked my folks if they were surprised by her cheating, they paused and said "No". A blind fool, I was. Everyone saw it but me.


Okay you will find someone better.

This is not your fault focus on you and the kids I think you are doing well considering.
If she is a coke head have a female friend be your PI and hang out at the bar so when she goes to the bathroom and sees her snorting you can use that to get primary custody.
Just my 2 cents.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

Healer said:


> She is a complete and total liar. She is still living the bar life 100% - she's actually going backwards in terms of growing up and "bettering" herself. She spends all her time at the bar she works at - whether it's actually working or socializing. Her friends are barfly scum. My coworker just called me over to his desk because he looked her up on Facebook - he wanted me to see her profile pic. It's below. Thug life! YUCK!!! Is that how a 36 year old mother of 2 presents herself? I honestly wouldn't care but she is the mother of my children!



We want to like a person so bad we ignore their faults to the point that it's detrimental to ourselves. 

Most people who've been cheated on have this problem. I think for most of us, if we stood back and looked objectively, we could see how likely they all were to cheat. 

Sometimes it's a shock to us, but generally, I think we all had the idea deep down it was probably going to happen.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

awake1 said:


> We want to like a person so bad we ignore their faults to the point that it's detrimental to ourselves.
> 
> Most people who've been cheated on have this problem. I think for most of us, if we stood back and looked objectively, we could see how likely they all were to cheat.
> 
> Sometimes it's a shock to us, but generally, I think we all had the idea deep down it was probably going to happen.


Looking at it now, any idiot could see she was going to cheat (constant cheating accusations from her - like for 15 years, super low self esteem, immature, chronic spender, daddy issues, a lifetime waitress, working nights, socializing at her place of work - the bar, low intellect...). Red flags jammed up my arse all over the place. But I did not see it at the time. Astonishing.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Time to stop or better yet, quit, feeling sorry for her. Time to do this for your children. Fight for them, man. They deserve a decent life. She can have supervised visits until she proves she's trustworthy.


I don't feel sorry for her - I loathe her. She barely has the kids. After school until I get there to pick them up from work and for an hour in the morning. Sunday and Monday evenings. That's it.

She's glorified after school care. She used to have them Tuesday nights as well, but no longer. As time passes she's with them less and less, and that's dandy with me.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Healer, there is NO reason why you shouldn't have full custody of your kids.

Is SHE fighting for them? Hardly.
It's clear you're the only adult in this situation, so be the adult and do what's best for them.

If everything you've said about her is true, the coke snorting,
then you've got to fight for them. Alcohol and weed is one thing,
but the cops don't mess around with cocaine.

All it takes is for her to get pulled over with your kids in the car
and she's toast. If I were you, I wouldn't hesitate to find a way
to get them away from her until she wakes the eff up.

On the image you posted... not surprised.
What you see is her in her comfort zone. That's how she's choosing
to show herself to the world now. Let that be on her.

It repulses you? Good, because you deserve a helluva lot better.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> Well, I hear they're developing a new spray on repellent for Dumb, cheating, coke head, scum, "gangsta" cheating slvts. But I have no idea when it's going to become available to the general public.



But what if they're hot, have big boobs, want lots of sex and are good in bed? That seems to make men overlook an awful lot 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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