# Hubby says "if you get pregnant again, we will stop having sex."



## Teresa1991 (Jun 19, 2015)

Hello dear TAM members,

I feel so sad. I cried. 

Yesterday my period was supposed to start. We know we should wait six days to consider it missed. But it is how my husband thinks and believes that got me heartbroken. We have one child (7 months old) He says that he really does not want another baby. It slipped "go start jumping" as if I were pregnant and he wished for a miscarriage. But saying that hurt him and he immediately said that he did not mean that and doesn't wish that. And another time, he went and patted my womb area of the belly as if he wanted a miscarriage if I'm pregnant. But he denied it, he says he was just knocking like a form of kindness. Later, he told me "babe, if you get pregnant again, I really don't want to have sex. I will stop. I don't want another baby. A second baby will be stressful, and not to mention a third one which we can't afford." 

I'm a Stay at home mom. He earns 72k annually, we pay a 1,500 of rent and we are well. 

Personally, I don't wish to get pregnant, because it was during my first and only pregnancy when I had a huge belly that my hubby cheated on me for the first time by looking at pictures of immodestly (immoral) dressed (or undressed) women. He cried at that time asking for forgiveness and he confessed at that time that he wished I didn't have a belly. And so I got traumatized. 

We don't have sex during my fertile days, so I believe I'm not pregnant. 

Anyway, his words makes me feel ugly. Makes me hate myself. I've done self-harm (but I try to not make it so it can leave any scar). My self esteem and confidence has gone to the floor since I married hubby on December 2013.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

please don't have another baby with this guy. go see a therapist and get your mind straight. then if you ahole of a husband is still an ahole it might be time to move along!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Hmmm, getting pregnant usually requires 2 people. If he doesn't want kids, he should get snipped, or both of you look at BC options.

He should not be leaving all the responsibility for pregnancy with you. Kids are a blessing, not something to be making negative/nasty comments about.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
This is too much for an online forum. It sounds like you are not on the same page about getting pregnant. If you don't want to get pregnant you need to take precautions or not have sex. If you have sex without precautions, pregnancy is a likely result. 

This is a huge issue -children are something a couple has to agree on.


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## Teresa1991 (Jun 19, 2015)

Hi again, 

I just want to clarify that we are not being irresponsible. We conceived our son knowing I was fertile. And we are abstaining during my fertile days. This is not the reason why I went open with you, readers, regarding my situation. I simply want your testimonies, empathy or any hopeful and optimistic comments. 

Love,
Teresa


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Hey at least he is honest..

Doesn't mean he isn't a d!ck.. 

Condom, Pill, IUD, Surgery ? 

I mean sh!t happens, I am not gonna go with the line she isn't fertile during this time of month and take a chance going without some sort of protection..

Mind you 72k a year isn't much unless its take home, which is 6 grand a month.. Otherwise you are talking close to 4k a month take home.. Minus 1500 so now you are at 2500. Now take away car insurance, food, clothing, credit card bills, utilities.. Might not be much left depending on what state you live in.. I know in NYC you wouldn't have much left..

So he might be callous on how he is saying it, but he does make sense.. 

I had one boy and it took 4 years to get pregnant with another.. 3 miscarriages and a DNC.. I told her the last time was the last shot and that I didn't want her going through all of this anymore.. It was just too much for her and her body.. But we got lucky and had another boy.. But we knew 2 was our limit and we were fortunate that we had another boy because all we had was 2 bedrooms.. It saved us from moving.. So I went and got a vasectomy soon after my 2nd boy was born.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Really he cheated by looking at pictures? Lets get real, he hurt your feelings, he broke some trust but cheated? See if that feels the same way as finding him in bed with another woman. Plenty of people on this forum will co sign on " cheated" with you. I will not be one of them.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
If you both have agreed you don't want another child, you need to be a LOT more careful. Timing doesn't work that well.

If you both want another child then there should be no problem. 

If you are not in agreement, then his is actually right - you should stop engaging in any sexual activity that could get you pregnant until you are in complete agreement.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I'll put it this way, if your FIRST child is 7 months old, it is indeed a transitional time in your house as BOTH of you are learning to be parents and essentially change identities of being carefree individuals to now being responsible parents.

MANY ODD THINGS AND STUPID THINGS WILL BE SAID DURING THIS TRANSITION. 

My wife was once so stressed about getting pregnant that she told me to get a vasectomy, and I told her no way that if she ever left me it would be important to be able to start a family again. This was said after the first kid was born during this awkward period where life was a living hell. We are now very happy and have more than one kid. It is tough to adjust after the first kid, but eventually parents have to grow up too! 

Is it OK that he said that? No! It just means he does not want to let go of being a kid himself, and he will essentially have to grow up and be a dad now. 

Give it some time! For better or for worse, but hopefully this gets better for you soon!

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

More information is needed. Where do you live (or what cultural background is influencing your actions and decisions) and what - if any - religious principles are you following that preclude birth control?


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

I see from your past posts that you are Catholic and believe that sex is strictly for procreation, that masturbation is morally wrong, and that it is wrong for a man to ejaculate anywhere other than in his wife's vagina. I don't want to bash your religious beliefs, but with those restrictions and your husband's strong feelings in not ever wanting another child, what can anyone offer you? Your sex life is done then, right? That is sad since I am guessing you are maybe 25 years old? 

It is sad that such strong beliefs about sex are leading to major marital issues and all in the name of your religion. My parents had similar beliefs and I was raised Catholic (my husband too with 12 years of Catholic school). After 7 kids within the first 9 years of marriage, my parents sex life was over by the age of 34. They then had another 45 years of a sexless, loveless, horrible marriage. But hey, they stuck to those restrictive rules of the Catholic Church! I am so happy to say that that brainwashing did not get ingrained in me or my husband from his similar upbringing and that we saw no problem with using birth control to allow us to have as much sex as we wanted, when we wanted to build true intimacy of a loving marriage. We have 4 children because we wanted to have lots not because we believed sex was only for procreation. Those 4 were planned and arose from the only 4 times we didn't use birth control! Yeh, high fertility runs in the family. I cannot imagine skipping the fertile times if the month as NFP requires. Those are the times of highest desire for a women when the best, most intimate sex occurs! 

Good luck in your marriage! Hope your beliefs don't destroy it. There is a reason that more than 80% of practicing Catholics completely ignore the church teachings that birth control is wrong and go ahead and use birth control.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

bad santa is very right about this.

if we made a list of all the stupid or even insensitive stuff we said over a course of lets say 3 years we would probably all look like @ss holes

if we don't balance out the stupid stuff with the 100 things we say right, then were look like jerks.

the question is do we do it seldom and if we regret it do we apologize?

maybe this guy just in a real bad mood, his boss chewed him out, who knows just blurted this out. maybe he doesn't mean it.
he should apologize. and even if they are catholic, and they said their vows in the church, they promised to be open to life, so he needs to accept that.
nobody put a gun to his head and said 'get married'. and oh, by the way, denying sex is not part of the catholic church teaching, so he doesn't have that out either!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Teresa1991 said:


> Personally, I don't wish to get pregnant, because it was during my first and only pregnancy when I had a huge belly that my hubby cheated on me for the first time by looking at pictures of immodestly (immoral) dressed (or undressed) women. He cried at that time asking for forgiveness and he confessed at that time that he wished I didn't have a belly. And so I got traumatized.


Your husband looked at pictures of women dressed immodestly and you consider that cheating? Okay clearly you're not from a western culture, or you are in some restrictive oppressive cult.

Your husband cried..cried? Really? He cried asking for forgiveness for looking at pictures? 

This is what he should have been asking forgiveness about, saying your pregnant body turned him off. 



> We don't have sex during my fertile days, so I believe I'm not pregnant.
> 
> Anyway, his words makes me feel ugly. Makes me hate myself. I've done self-harm (but I try to not make it so it can leave any scar). My self esteem and confidence has gone to the floor since I married hubby on December 2013.



And you've done "self harm" because of his words about being turned off by a pregnant body? Does he say other mean things to you? 

What region of the world are you located?


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Good grief, looking at nudie pics isn't cheating...if it were every time I saw a Krispy Kreme commercial I'd blow my diet.

You have a small baby...they are needy, noisy, nasty (at times) and very good at causing stress.

I have 4...and after each one I vowed to NEVER have another one.

Then they get cute and sweet and smart and start feeding themselves and one day they graduate and leave home.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Teresa1991 said:


> Hi again,
> 
> I just want to clarify that we are not being irresponsible. We conceived our son knowing I was fertile. And we are abstaining during my fertile days. This is not the reason why I went open with you, readers, regarding my situation. I simply want your testimonies, empathy or any hopeful and optimistic comments.
> 
> ...


your husbands actions during your pregnancy were beyond selfish ....He has many of the traits of a narcissist and I am using a great deal if restraint not to get banned.....A MAN takes care of and nurtures a woman carrying his child.....While she was pregnant, my wife was absolutely stunning, and sexy.....We had very frequent sex right to the night her water broke......Please make sure you do not become pregnant by this child, until he has his head fixed or probably better yet...Find an actual life partner and leave him far in the past...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Call his bluff.



Next time he wants some sex, tell him to go grab a Playboy and some hand lotion, because he's not getting any sex from you until he gets his attitude squared around. 

You are the gatekeeper. It is the power you hold in the relationship. Don't be afraid to use it.


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