# Saying I love you.



## Hammond_B3 (Oct 31, 2014)

Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. Not even in the throws of passion. There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it. She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. Your thoughts about this?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Did she used to say it then stopped? Or she's never been the one to say it? My husband stopped saying it to me. He always says it back to me but he stopped being the one to say it first. Once I noticed, I stopped to see how long it would be before he said it first. I held out for about 6 months, I think. Then once I told him that I wanted him to say it more, he started doing it but it's still not very often. I think if she used to say it but stopped, then that is a concern.

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hammond_B3 said:


> Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. Not even in the throws of passion. There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it. She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. Your thoughts about this?


Yep. Just like my marriage.

But did I allow the fact that my wife had a horrible childhood stop me from saying "I love you" every day at least once, maybe more?

No. I didn't.

If you love her, just tell her.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Some people don't think they have to say it every day to reaffirm the fact that they love you.
Personally I love hearing it but my H tends not to say it quite as much as me. He says that it's in his actions etc that show the love but it is nice to hear it.
Just tell her. IMO you never know what is going to happen...so never miss an opportunity to say it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Saying "I love you" to my spouse or romantic interest has never ever been a problem for me!

Conversely, if a woman who I develop serious feelings for cannot verbally express her reciprocal love and heartfelt feelings for me, then much like not submitting for sex, or kissing, or carrying on a civil conversation, that, in and of itself, is largely a "deal breaker!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Have you asked her? 



Hammond_B3 said:


> Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. Not even in the throws of passion. There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it. She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. Your thoughts about this?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I always tell my husband I love him, several times a day, lol. Sometimes I'll send him a text with nothing but a kiss, lol. He tells me he loves me often too, not as often as I tell him but still quite a lot  I'm a heart on the sleeve type person, if I feel it, I say it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hammond_B3 said:


> Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. * I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. *I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. Not even in the throws of passion. There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it. She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. *I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. *Your thoughts about this?


*My advice. Stop being needy and then subsequently passive aggressive when you do not get your way.*

Your wife is who she is. While she may not respond to your "I love yous," she hears them. Perhaps you are doing something at the time that makes her feel unloved and distant and you words may come across as empty, so be careful about that. Other than that just be yourself. 

Having said that, you need to find a playful way to defuse the topic. If you have access to her phone, update the autocorrect library on her phone to change a word that she will only text to you into "I love you!" So you text her:



> Do you love me baby?


and then she texts you back:



> Will you pick up a rotisserie chicken at Costco?


it will automatically correct her and text you:



> Will you pick up a rotisserie chicken at OMG I LOVE YOU BABY, OMG OMG OMG I LOVE YOU!!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST HUSBAND EVER!!!!


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Maybe she wants a metro-style man. I suggest shopping at Banana Republic, maybe go full trim, possibly Brazilian wax and maybe some colored contacts.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Try replacing "I love You" with "Ditto"


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Herschel said:


> Maybe she wants a metro-style man. I suggest shopping at Banana Republic, maybe go full trim, possibly Brazilian wax and maybe some colored contacts.



Don't forget the hair bun!!!


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

We used to say it all time to each other. Then when our marriage got worse she wouldn't say back to me of she did she would put qualifiers or exceptions in it. It seems as though she was taking it a bull**** little game, i.e. today I'm pissed that you did x so she'd say I love you sometimes.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hammond_B3 said:


> Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. Not even in the throws of passion. There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it. She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. Your thoughts about this?


I rarely say it, just once in a while. I definitely don't say it during sex! We are very affectionate with each other, though, and express it in other ways, too. My SO doesn't have a huge need to hear or say the words, either, but there is no question we love each other.

I also grew up in a family without daily "I love you's" but there also was no question that the love was there and very strong. 

So, just because she doesn't say it, doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

Conversely, just because people say it, doesn't mean they truly do love you, and doesn't mean their "I love you" translates to loving actions, either.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Hammond_B3 said:


> Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. Not even in the throws of passion. There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it. She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. Your thoughts about this?


Stop saying it


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

41362 said:


> Stop saying it


He has, but it strikes me as a little passive-aggressive to me. I should know; I've used tactics like that in the past to no good end UNLESS it's provoked questions from my wife and we could then sit down and have a constructive conversation about whatever it is.

Far better to have the conversation before considering lowering the emotional temperature. And I mean the RIGHT conversation:
"This bothers me, and here's my plan of action if it continues."


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

GTdad said:


> He has, but it strikes me as a little passive-aggressive to me. I should know; I've used tactics like that in the past to no good end UNLESS it's provoked questions from my wife and we could then sit down and have a constructive conversation about whatever it is.
> 
> Far better to have the conversation before considering lowering the emotional temperature. And I mean the RIGHT conversation:
> "This bothers me, and here's my plan of action if it continues."


I just re-read his post. Sorry I missed that.

Funny. It wasn't meant to be a passive aggressive ploy when I quit saying it. I really thought that we could have the conversation when she noticed.... that was a year, or so, ago.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

41362 said:


> I just re-read his post. Sorry I missed that.
> 
> Funny. It wasn't meant to be a passive aggressive ploy when I quit saying it. I really thought that we could have the conversation when she noticed.... that was a year, or so, ago.


After I read your post I went back to look at your story and recalled that I was one of the guys rooting for you. Very inspiring story, and I'm sorry things aren't working out. I hope you'll keep up the physical improvements with or without her.

Give some thought to a new thread. I'd like to see what's going on, and it's even possible we may be able to help.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

GTdad said:


> After I read your post I went back to look at your story and recalled that I was one of the guys rooting for you. Very inspiring story, and I'm sorry things aren't working out. I hope you'll keep up the physical improvements with or without her.
> 
> Give some thought to a new thread. I'd like to see what's going on, and it's even possible we may be able to help.


Thanks, GT. I'm keeping up. Been down a couple times, but I'm not stopping. This is who I am now. I've thought about a new thread, or an updated thread, but..... I really don't even know where to start. We shall see.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Hammond_B3 said:


> Hey folks I really am a masculine man and not like today's metro sexual male, so this is going to sound weird. My wife never, ever says "I love you" except in response to me saying it to her and then it's just like a standard response. I'm the type of person that needs affirmation, so I really need to hear this. I've talked her about it and she says "I'm sorry", but still she does not say it. * Not even in the throws of passion. *There was not a lot of affection in her household growing up, so I'm hoping that's it.  She hugs and kisses me and we have a decent sexual relationship, but she just does not say it. I have stopped saying it to her and haven't said it in months. Your thoughts about this?


Just a question.. so there IS throws of passion...can you tell us how your wife shows her love, through actions/ gifts, etc? ... even if not so much in "I love you's"..

I mean, I can understand your feeling this way.. I wouldn't like it either...just trying to get a picture of what daily life is like.. does she seek time with you.. show affection, or are these things also lacking along with the "I love you's" ?



frusdil said:


> I always tell my husband I love him, several times a day, lol. Sometimes I'll send him a text with nothing but a kiss, lol. He tells me he loves me often too, not as often as I tell him but still quite a lot  I'm a heart on the sleeve type person, if I feel it, I say it.


I'm a "







on my sleeve" type too.... I am very affectionate & expressive when I feel loved & cared for....it just wants to come out...it makes me feel good to validate & put words to how I am feeling.. this has never been difficult for me.... it would be harder to not go there... and be silent somehow.. 

..but at the same time.. being a "heart on the sleeve" type...this can go the other way too...If I get MAD....looks can kill... and he'll be on the receiving end of this..







...thankfully we just don't have many fights...the good far outweighs the bad.. so I'm not too difficult to live with ...

We've always been very liberal with our







's... He said it 1st early on...and it's flowed between us ever since that time. 

I do think people throw around the word "Love" far too easily today.. when actions speak anything BUT....when one feels it with anothers care, time, attention, affection...it's like the icing on the cake when they also say it, like a confirmation of what already IS.. the meaning is almost "melting"... 

Why some struggle with the words, if they FEEL it.... it's an interesting question..

When I was growing up.. my family DIDN'T speak freely like this.. I think my husband showed me a better way.. he rubbed off on me...that's not a bad thing.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I noticed that I was the one always saying I love you first. So, I did a little experiment. I stop saying it and I could only do it for 3 days. I asked my H before we fell asleep, how come you didn't tell me you love me in three days? He said, "I didn't?", that how much he noticed it. So, the next day we had a discussion but it's back to me saying it first. That's ok, I know he loves me. 

We are huggers and kissers in our house, so even the words aren't there, we know the emotions are. 

Just say it. It does not matter who says it first. Most times during sex we don't say it, unless it was one of those sweet long loving. But only after when we are cuddling do we say it to each other. 

Some people are just that way. Don't try to hold it against her. You continue to say it first. Because it seems like you need to hear it more than she does. So, be the one who say it. It does not mean anything less just because you say it first.


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