# help she thinks i cheated but i didn't



## jason73125 (Dec 1, 2013)

hello id really really like some advice. let me start by giving some background into this thing. I work for a mobile marketing company that has me traveling around the united states for as little as 3 days at a time to as long as 7 months. on my last tour which lasted 2.5 months I drove a highly visable and recognizeable 18 wheeler to different events around the country. I had 3 co workers with me of which only 1 of them is married and he is a very well known cheater. so during this tour naturally you put a bunch of mid 20s guys together there is going to be a lot of partying drinking and the sort. the money isn't the greatest but it pays the bills and most everyday I have people tell me how lucky I am to have the job I have and how do they get a job like mine. after all who doesn't want to get free tickets to major sporting events concerts clubs etc etc. well today my wife sends me a text while shes at work saying basically I know you cheated on me last time you were on the road don't try and deny it its in black and white in your phones text messages. heres the kicker yeah I texted those guys talking it all up blah blah blah I did this last night with so and so or whatever. truth be told is I didn't I never took her back to my hotel I never went to her house. yeah I may have talked to girls on the road and flirted a little bit but as far as kissing holding hands touching having sex that never happened. that was just guy talk. I can guarantee 90% of the "sex" that the guys claim to get on the road never happened. for 2 reasons 1 is in my line of work there are 1000 other people waiting and willing to take your job and don't care what they have to do to get it so you have to be careful what you do on the road and 2 because today I may be in vegas and tomorrow I can be in los angeles and at 2 in the morning knowing we are rolling out at 7 it just doesn't make sense that all the pieces will fall into place between the time we all go back to the hotel and the time we all meet back up for breakfast in the morning. so back to the point how can I convince her that I didn't do anything inappropriate and that it was just guy talk.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

The short answer is you can't.


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## jason73125 (Dec 1, 2013)

well then whats your advice do I say its been a heck of a run met some great people and seen and did things that most people never will and quit to become a beer delivery driver? or do I stick to the truth and keep what im doing. I know for the here and now I wont be on a major tour till feb when I go for 28 weeks. possibly a few trips here and there but nothing for more than a week.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

jason73125 said:


> well then whats your advice do I say its been a heck of a run met some great people and seen and did things that most people never will and quit to become a beer delivery driver? or do I stick to the truth and keep what im doing. I know for the here and now I wont be on a major tour till feb when I go for 28 weeks. possibly a few trips here and there but nothing for more than a week.


Grow up and stop the bull$h!t "guy talk." That's for high school [email protected]


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Tell her to set up a polygraph test. Tell her you'll even pay for it and prove that you didn't cheat. 

You better hope to God that she doesn't get a bug up her ass and go find a spare penis somewhere for revenge while your gone.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

With those texts in your phone, you can't prove her wrong. Why are you still saying you're having sex with people you aren't having sex with? I don't understand that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't understand it either. And you've put yourself in a HUGE hole. Offer the lie detector test and hope for the best. And then stop your high school behaviour.

C


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Tell her the truth. Tell her you were a fool, stupid acting like a high schooler, trying to impress your friends. Make sure you apologize for acting like a fool, and let her know (and do it) that it will never ever happen again..

Good luck to you


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think you're also missing something that will be gravely offensive to your wife, even if you convince her you didn't cheat on her. 

Let's say that you actually haven't cheated. In that case you have still made sure that your co-workers think you have. You've made it clear - by telling them you're sleeping around - that you do not respect your wife or your marriage. You are okay with having people think your wife is a trusting fool and that you're getting away with cheating on her. You're inviting others to think of her has an idiot and to laugh at her behind her back over your (supposedly not real) infidelity. 

If that's okay with you, then you aren't ready to be married.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I'd question how committed you are to your marriage if you keep a job that has you away for months at a time. Especially if it doesn't pay particularly well. Sounds to me that you do this because of a selfish desire to live the life of a young, single man. I don't know if you're young (though the boasting about fake conquests indicates you are) but you sure ain't single. If your wife and marriage mean more to you than living like a roadie, grow up, quit your job and find one that is compatible with a committed marriage. If not, be honest and set your wife free to find a man who will value her more than you do. 

It really doesn't matter if she believes you or not, being away for months at a time without even some decent money rolling in will most likely kill this marriage anyway.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I had to go out before and could not write more. For me, if I found texts like that and I knew there was opportunity, my husband could prostrate himself on the floor and beg me to believe him and I would not.

Did you really cheat and you are asking us for ways to convince your wife you did not? 

if you didn't cheat and you were just pretending so that you could be the big man who attracts the chicks, then I have no sympathy for you. Grow up and act like a real man, not some trailer trash Jerry Springer wannabe loser.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

A marriage takes work, it takes effort to maintain a connection. It's hard enough when you live together, but it is way harder when you take a job that takes you away from home. You've blown away any trust she had in you. If you wouldn't say or do something with her standing right there, then you shouldn't say or do it even when she isn't there. You need to tell her the truth, and stick with it. Lies are what put you into this situation in the first place.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

What is the point in the whole fake cheating? If you co-workers think your less of a man because your not out there cheating on your wife when your on the road then why surround yourself in a destructive work place. If upper management ever need to promote from within they will generally skip over those types of people because of their lifestyle brings extra risk and if upper management is a female well your defiantly not getting the job then. We have guys in the company I work for who do the "what happens on tour, STAYS on tour" and every single one of them get a basic bonus and always seem to just miss out on promotions and when we get gifts they get the crap like a $20 bottle of wine while everyone else gets the 2 free nights away so they can take their family's or partners and also they don't get invited to the company dinners and lunches because if someone was to let slip they cheated/hooked up while away then its just a mess and with clients there its not a good reputation for us. I'm not saying you have to be captain no fun, get blind drunk with everyone else be the single guys wing man if you want just remember to respect your wife because if you cant show respect for her (the one who is ment to be one of if not the most important person in your whole life) then who do you truly respect.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

You're in a tight spot. On the one hand, you didn't do the crime, but your actions say otherwise. What they say is "I don't respect you as my wife" to the people around you. That my friend is as unforgivable as the deed itself. 

You can't have your cake a and eat it too. Tell your wife "I made a mistake, no matter what I did, I disrespected you". Trying to convince her otherwise is fruitless. Tell her you will do whatever it takes to win back her trust. If she asks you to quit your job, then do it. 

If she's that important to you then do what it takes. If she's not, give her the respect she deserves and divorce her. Then you can go be a frat boy and behave like one without disrespecting her. 

I can tell you, as a career guy. No one gets ahead cause they run with the rest of the flock.


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## MyTurn (Oct 27, 2013)

OP this is a mess(major!!!!) that you made on your own.First of all
you admited you cheated to your friends-coworkers.Now (after you got caught) you are a liar (it never happend ,just guy talk ) and have no respect for your wife.I truly dont know wich is worse!
Try the lie detector to prove the cheating part and good luck with the rest.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think you have to take several actions here if there is to be any chance of saving your marriage. Your job right now is not to convince her you did not cheat, it is to recover your marriage from a severe trauma. Stop trying to convince her about the texts, it is a red herring.

1) Tell your wife you did not cheat. Tell her you love her and you value your marriage to her. Tell her you are sorry to the core of your being that you lied to the others about cheating on her. Tell her you understand how she is not able to trust you or believe you right now.

2) Make an appointment for individual therapy. Your employer may offer EAP (employee assistance program) which is free and completely confidential therapy. Your employer will never know you went. Tell your wife you realize you have issues which led you to do these things, and you are going to therapy to figure out what they are and to grow beyond them.

3) Ask her to join you in marriage therapy. This should be with a different therapist than your individual therapy. Your individual therapist can refer you to a good marriage therapists, or you can find referrals from someone you know who has a marriage therapist they like.

4) Start looking for another job asap. Tell your wife you are doing so. Make it a strong priority and have some verifiable actions and deadlines.

5) Ask your wife for her forgiveness for your stupidity. No, she won't forgive you yet. But she needs to have you ask her to forgive you.

6) Tell her you will do a polygraph test at any time. A good polygrapher is pretty accurate, a bad one is not. I would suggest she set up the appointment at a time you do not know about. This way you will not be prepared when it happens, which makes the validity better. She should seek out a highly qualified polygrapher who works with local law enforcement, or who otherwise has top notch credentials.

7) Ask her what she needs from you right now. Really listen to her answer and then abide by it.

8) Though you did not have sex with other women, you did lie badly. And that is an infidelity. It is in many ways as bad as or worse than having sex with another woman. All the betrayed spouses here will tell you it is the lies and deceptions of the affair which are the biggest destroyers of the marriage, not the sex itself. You betrayed your wife. I suggest you buy some books on overcoming infidelity and work through them with your wife. The book I have read and like is "After the Affair" by Janis Spring. There are other good ones out there too.


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