# Brother is emotionally compromised and not thinking clearly



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

He and W are in early 50s. Married 15 years. She filed for D and wants a separate apartment and him to pay her 5K a month in a nesting arrangement where the 4 kids stay in the family home.

The rub is that he is extremely emotionally compromised. W has an active boyfriend. No sex for 2 years. She has a master's degree but does not work. She is unhappy in the current status of being SAHM.

All he can do is think about getting back to the way things were (with her happy), and she is dangling that in front of him to get him to agree to untenable D terms. She would get half of a sizeable 401K, nice apartment, car, health insurance, and spend time at the home with the kids a few days a week (during the day when he is not there). She would go to her home every night with the BF. And did I mention the 5K a month spending money?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I don't understand how one can use the "getting back to how things were" to get a better D settlement. 

Getting back to how things were and going through a divorce are direct opposites.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

He also is not allowed to know where she is and what she is doing. He is not allowed to be at the family home when she is there. And can't know about her finances or spending. She complains that she needs her own identity/independence and he is controlling.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I don't understand how one can use the "getting back to how things were" to get a better D settlement.
> 
> Getting back to how things were and going through a divorce are direct opposites.


It's the "don't you want to make me happy"? Hell I'd be happy with that arrangement. I was gonna say it's like being roommates but at least roommates have to pay their own share of the costs.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

So it's not about getting back to how things were, but rather him being so twitterpated he'd do whatever he can for her, even as she'd destroying him. 

What you're saying, if I understand correctly, is that he's so "emotionally compromised" that he want's to her happiness is his only concern of which he has none whatsoever for himself other than he believes his happiness is predicated on her happiness?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> So it's not about getting back to how things were, but rather him being so twitterpated he'd do whatever he can for her, even as she'd destroying him.
> 
> What you're saying, if I understand correctly, is that he's so "emotionally compromised" that he want's to her happiness is his only concern of which he has none whatsoever for himself other than he believes his happiness is predicated on her happiness?


Yes, that's right. But somehow the goalpost keeps moving. 2 years ago it was you're too fat, you need to lose weight. So he drops from 250 lbs down to 180 lbs in about a year. Then she says he's too skinny, and needs to add muscle.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Just tell him to get to a SHARK lawyer, protect his own finances (separate the finances NOW if he hasn't already), protect his kids and make sure THEY know that Mommy caused the divorce by having a boyfriend.

He WILL NOT get back to where he was (why would he want to), she is manipulating him.
Have him get MAD -- pissed off, ape-****-- over this and use that to get himself detached from her ASAP.

Ask him WHY he wants her happy when all she did was **** him over? She has cheated, lied, manipulated, is using the kids against him -- and WHY does he want THAT happy?

Seriously, he needs to find his mad and anger and start the process of dumping this parasite.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

The latest was a trip to Europe to visit her father. First it was all 6 of them were going for a week. Then just she was going - for a month. And she did not have to tell him where she was staying or what she was doing. But she needs 3K Euros.

Am I right that a woman will never respect a man that doesn't respect himself? Every phone call I have with him is "what do you think about what she said or did". Who cares, it's time to worry about yourself and the kids while she is in fantasy world.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hs he had legal advise? She sounds like a very greedy, entitled, lazy, selfish person.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Yes, thank God he found a shark lawyer. But I don't think he is following all of her advice.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Tell him to listen to the experts (his lawyer). This is WAR and he needs to understand that. She is trying to crush him, and he should NOT be willing to do ANYTHING she wants after what she did.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Tell him to start some counseling so he can see that he's worth much more than the **** she doles out. She's got it made and he will regret it when he comes out of his fog. 

Hell, tell him to come tell his story here so he can hear from people here how things are going to turn out for him. Unfortunately, until he's ready to make that break, there isn't much you can do for him.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maybe you should send him here.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Tell him to post here.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I don't think he will post here. Lawyer is starting to have an effect on him. He is a process guy at work, so seeing the long term plan with the numbers for how they will live until retirement is an eye-opener. She keeps asking for more money - in addition to having a house and an apartment to live in. She keeps trying to justify not having to work, but the numbers don't work. 

They just bought a new house and are moving in. He says she seems conflicted and wants to personalize the house, without getting too attached to it. And she has retained counsel. I assume her family is funding the lawyer costs.


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