# Getting this off my chest...



## Schultz (Feb 18, 2011)

About 6 months before we got engaged, my wife and I were in a real rough patch. She travels a lot for work and it was hard to fix things when we hardly saw each other. It felt like neither of us wanted to give the other the satisfaction of leaving. She started extending a couple of trips over weekends and I got suspicious. She wanted my help copying some photos and some random guy was on there...I started asking questions and she tried to laugh them off and explained it away as a friend of a colleague, who lives in another country.

Then on the train one day, I was looking over her shoulder at a text message saying that she loved him and was desperate to make it work. I didn't know what to do, sat on it at first, then challenged her a week later and she just denied all knowledge. I convinced myself somehow that it was a misunderstanding. We turned things around over the next few months (we'd been seeing each other several years now) and got engaged. One drunken night I asked her if there was ever any more to it. She admitted that she had feelings for him but that they went out for one dinner and nothing happened. It didn't seem to tally but I accepted it and last year after a few hurdles we got married.

A couple of months afterwards she copied all her pictures onto a new computer. I was browsing them and was shocked to find photos of her and OM on a weekend away. I meant to do more digging but lost my cool and confronted her again. She kept lying and I had to trip her up over and over to get the truth out. She admitted going away and claimed she'd invited him to a girls weekend, that they shared a bed but didn't sleep together. This was difficult enough, but now paranoid I have recently done more detective work and found out that not only did he used to live two miles from us, but his 'relationship status' chimes in suspiciously well with events in our relationship and when they went away together. It starts to look like it was an ongoing affair. He now lives in another country and I know when she did a trip there for work she called him.

I now don't know what to do - I know if I question her she'll just lie unless I have proof. I can't find out any more without getting into dangerous territory. I just wish she could've been honest with me when I first questioned her and maybe we wouldn't be here now. Grateful for any advice, but really just needed to get this out. I can only talk to a couple of friends as I don't want to risk causing a storm with our social circle/families. We've only been married 6 months and it's not a great start.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Lie detector test, even is you have to use it as a bluff. Most spouses will usually spill the beans once confronted with this.

BTW, if you really believed her that they only slept in the same bed and nothing happened then I've got some great stuff I wanna sell to you.

I know you wanna believe your wife but all the evidence is hitting you in the face at 100 mph and she's throwing up a ton of bull that you're trying hard to swallow as the truth hoping it's not what you think it is.

If I had seen my wife text someone with I love you, that phone would have been flying out the window and probably my wife along with the phone (this was just a little humor thrown in)


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Even if they "just" slept in the same bed you have every right to ask her to go write a no contact letter and stick to it. Boundaries were crossed and this man does not need to be in her life.

You know it was more than that, but obviously she isn't feeling very truthful.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Dude

This is a brand new marriage, no kids, no hassles, unicorns and lollipop trees. This shouldn't be going on. She cheated on you before marriage, during and she will after. No kids, short marriage kick her to the curb. Seriously, this is an easy decision.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

This is very difficult and not straightforward.

Many girls will get horny for guys that make them feel wanted, pretty, listen to them or give them something that they aren't getting at home....similar to guys. Or they just want a raw sex...no different from guys.

I think that most of what is exposed in a cheating scenario is just the tip of the iceberg. A sexy text often means dirty sex. Meaningless sex that's "wasn't even very good" means "incredible sex where I gave him everything and I loved it". Let's face it...what would men say if they got caught cheating? They would bring it down to the lowest level that they could get away with. If they were caught texting a girl, they would say it's just flirting. Caught kissing and it was just one kiss that was a big mistake. Caught having sex and it was "one time" that was "not good". Very occasionally there is a misunderstanding and some rather innocuous act is assumed to be major cheating but usually it's the other way around. Women are no different.

I think that at this point you need to determine if she is a a hardcore cheater who will make your life miserable or if she is just a woman who likes c*ck, is discreet, and stays with you. Giving up a good woman who just likes c*ck and has made a couple of 'mistakes' is, itself, a mistake. Many women do this so if you dump her you might end up with another one.

I think that younger people often have naive expectations of their partners. Many, many people stray at some point in their relationships. Now the task is to determine if you can live with what happened. From my casual observation, most men in their 20s can't stand the thought of their women with another man. in the 30's, men are hit with the realities that women are generally no more virtuous than men. and in their 40's, many men fantasize about their wives with other men and some act on this and share their wives. oh, the cycle of life!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Dump her she's a lying cheating skank. She has cuckolded you with another man. You have no kids. run Run RUN!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This is what I think you should do.
You need to get out now, and heres why.
Get this marriage anulled, the both of you should move out and seperate any finaces you have. The thing is I'm all for 2nd chances but do it unmarried. 
The both of you need to regroup, this thing started off wrong and needs to be restarted. I wouldn't be apposed to hanging out and continue dating. Just get some space you both need to rethink this whole marriage thing. Say, give it few years to see were things go.

My crystal ball tells me that you will stay with her and in a year you'll have a kid, she'll want it. She will start to go out with the girls, leaving you home to baby sit. you will let her b/c you don't want to be controlling.
In a few years she will stop coming home at night and you will want to give her space and let her and her girl friends blow off some
steam.
Then in 5 years your kids about 4 yrso and she stops coming home on weekend, for those weekend with the girls. It wont be long before she sneaks out in the middle of the night, while your a sleep to help out a girl friend.
See for me I thought My W was out with the girls, I believed she was uncapeable of cheating.
But for you, you know she has the capability of cheating. The gods have already warned you and you ignoered it. so you have no one to blame but your self... when so many years down the road you realize that you no longer want to share your wife.
In my opinion your wife wants the title of wife, the security the stability, a man that would make a good father (baby sitter). She also want to be single and not be controled and do as she pleases, like a grown women should.
Right now she wants the title of wife but doesn't understand the role as a spouse or the term of marriage.
Some years down the road you will be parenting your wife and be a member of the cheater police. Struggling to keep the family together while your wife justifies her behavior by blaming you for everything.

So I say again get out of this marriage your wife thinks she wants to be a spouse but truely doesn't under stand the role. A few years down the road she may have matured and sown her wild oats, and may be ready for the role you expect her to play right now. Or she may move on with some one else and then he can be the baby sister, parent, and policemen for this women.

Thats my $0.02


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

S you are already in dangerous territory - in for a penny in for a pound. Start digging and dam the torpedoes. NOW GET GOING do you want a real marriage or a false one where you are disrespected. Look on the infidelity section and follow the advice of Aftercare assiduously. Don't be afraid to loose her that means you will put up with anything. Prepare yourself that she may leave the new self assured and demanding respect you. She should quite her job as a condition to stay married to you. You are that valuable yes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

couple said:


> I think that at this point you need to determine if she is a a hardcore cheater who will make your life miserable or if she is just a woman who likes c*ck, is discreet, and stays with you. Giving up a good woman who just likes c*ck and has made a couple of 'mistakes' is, itself, a mistake. Many women do this so if you dump her you might end up with another one.


But you may just actually find someone who stays true to you and respects you. This woman you married? She does not. I'm kick her to the curb if I were you.



couple said:


> I think that younger people often have naive expectations of their partners. Many, many people stray at some point in their relationships. Now the task is to determine if you can live with what happened. From my casual observation, most men in their 20s can't stand the thought of their women with another man. in the 30's, men are hit with the realities that women are generally no more virtuous than men. and in their 40's, many men fantasize about their wives with other men and some act on this and share their wives. oh, the cycle of life!


I don't know what planet you live on, but it is a rare man and not one I want to be to share a wife with anyone.

Accepting of the intolerable is a fool's game.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Shared a bed, but didn't sleep together?
Hmmm, remember I puffed, but didn't inhale?
Is she trying to sell beachfront property in Wyoming?
She is a LIAR, plain and simple.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

F-102 said:


> Shared a bed, but didn't sleep together?
> Hmmm, remember I puffed, but didn't inhale?
> Is she trying to sell beachfront property in Wyoming?
> She is a LIAR, plain and simple.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

I try to respect people, so I will refrain from talking down here...


DUDE.

NO KIDS?

GET OUT NOW.

*stop reading.. pack your stuff and leave*

Why are you still reading... FLEEEEEEEE

dont think just go. now now now.

N O W


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