# Scared to take the next step..



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

My husband and I separated December 2010.
He moved out into an apartment and I stayed in my home. My crazy,depressing story is written on this site. 
Anyways, we had decided that we would live apart and "see what happened". Well here I am almost a year later,I have my house, he has his. 
He has been working on himself and the issues that had become his demons. We are a much stronger couple now and communication is great. 
Everything has been going really good. My husband is making great progress...
We have a set schedule .. lol
He comes over Thursday evenings and stays till Sunday evening. 
So here is my dilemma... My husband is talking about when we should move back in together. It freaked me out. He is not ready for this to happen right away but he's thinking within a year. 
I am scared to think about it. 
I think I'm scared of the past repeating itself. I would love for us to live together again and I miss him when were apart BUT in some ways I like the arrangement. It's kinda weird I guess. 
I enjoy having free time to spend with my daughter and her friends. I like making plans with my friends and not feeling guilty that I'm out. 
I am so confused... I love this man with all my heart. I should want him to move back in, I should be happy. Am I putting up walls or distancing myself because he has hurt me? 
Is anyone else going through a similiar situation? Any advice is greatly appreciated.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

After our separation, my wife gave a little bit of effort to make things work. Looking back now, I know I wanted "the marriage" to work - the house, the kids - all that stuff. But there was definitely some damage that had been done.

I still loved her - but I really didn't like being with her.

As of now, we are headed for divorce. Even now - sometimes - I will tell her I love her - but its different now. There's too much damage done for things to ever be the same. And - if I'm honest with myself - which can be hard to do - I'm a happier person when she's not around.

So - I guess I can't explain it - but I can relate to you.


----------



## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

hmmmm
this is a strange one. if I hadn't followed your story from before I would think you were being selfish-----but I am guessing it is way more than that. Since you have some time I think you should start addressing what each of you wants, etc.. I would tell him any concerns you have, what you like about the "now" arrangement and how you can compromise moving forward. The goal was to be 100% back together, right? I think you are making great progress. Involve couseling if you need to in order to address certain concerns... Congrats!


----------



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

Thanks for the advice 

We have talked about starting counselling, individual at first then maybe some sessions together.

I have voiced my concerns and my feelings about the situation. He knows I am scared and he understands why. I told him we would have to take babysteps...make this a very slow gradual process for both of us. The end result is for us to be living together again, it may take longer or shorter than anticipated. 

Sometimes I think that we might be better off living seperately but I do miss him. Life is soo confusing!!


----------

