# Private Conversation



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Ok here goes nothing
Sometimes I despair not understanding what threads attract comment and which don't so this is by way of my own conversation with myself. Feel free to join in but I'm not going to worrywart if no-one does. Maybe just venting will help me come to some decisions. Oh, and no it's not only going to be one very long post. I'll come back from time to time. There's only so long a person can talk to themselves without attracting the attention of the men in white coats!!
Me: Great, I'll be seeing him (other half, OH) tomorrow and we actually had a one-minute bit of physicality involving my left nipple last time he was here and I left him (or should I say he left) with the knowledge my nipples are still waiting.... 
Me: Yes but even if I were to go down the route of 'hey, sex can help cure stuff' so let's get it on tomorrow night, the other part of me will be thinking 'yes but he knows and feels the same that we maybe need to be a bit more healed emotionally before we can get to sex'.
Me: what about all the posts and threads suggesting lovemaking is a stress-reliever and a good way to re-establish a connection?
Me: OMG it's not enough to just want him - all the times he made me think that from him to me it was ok yet now I'm struggling with the reverse.
Me: Don't forget actually you were being unfair because he WASN't actually thinking of you JUST for sex, you know that now and have known it for a long time and it's taken way too long to not only acknowledge but apologise for the way it's made him feel, all the rejection because I thought all he wanted was sex.
Me: I hope it's not all too late. 
Me: I don't think so, every so often he tells me almost reassuring things, but I've a lot more repairing to do.
Me: I wonder how much actual relationship damage and day to day friction the folks have who DO post about 'make-up sex' and 'just do it, it'll make you both feel better not only about yourself but about yourselves as a couple' ?
ok time to do some mundane stuff. Back later!


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Talking to yourself is ok, as long as you're not answering yourself madimoff!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

If these are your thoughts you suffer from my affliction which is called OVERthinking. I think many women have it. Men however don't do this. Hopefully they will chime in and back me up.

Have a great day.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> If these are your thoughts you suffer from my affliction which is called OVERthinking. I think many women have it. Men however don't do this. Hopefully they will chime in and back me up.
> 
> Have a great day.


It won't surprise you any to hear my OH has said this sooooo many times! Myself I think that's a bit of a cop-out. Is the male brain so shallow (or arrogant?) as to think one only needs to consider for a moment, decide and move on?!!!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Look neither way is right or wrong I'm just saying men don't do this. The overthinking thing I mean. So yes they do just consider for a moment, decide and move on. It is there way and we have ours.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

madimoff said:


> It won't surprise you any to hear my OH has said this sooooo many times! Myself I think that's a bit of a cop-out. Is the male brain so shallow (or arrogant?) as to think one only needs to consider for a moment, decide and move on?!!!


Yes! Yes! Yes! This is EXACTLY how a guys brain is wired. And the term is WIRED! Physically different then yours. Once a decision is made...the problem is solved. End of issue. Let's move on! Feeling great! One more thing to take of the blackboard!

We don't over think anything! This is not arrogance. It's genetic! 

You should read a book called "for women only". It explains this concept about guys and how we think really well. It's a bit preachy at times, but still a good book.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> Yes! Yes! Yes! This is EXACTLY how a guys brain is wired. And the term is WIRED! Physically different then yours. Once a decision is made...the problem is solved. End of issue. Let's move on! Feeling great! One more thing to take of the blackboard!
> 
> We don't over think anything! This is not arrogance. It's genetic!
> 
> ...


I do know, usually in the aftermath of some row about me saying something which I then change, that I have to explain (again) that something I say may very well be a thought in progress. Open for tweaking/debate/negotiation etc. Obviously I do come to conclusions but they are almost never instantaneous. 
Maybe this is more key than you're saying. Maybe your little phrases '...the problem is solved. End of issue. Let's move on! Feeling great! One more thing to take of the blackboard!' sound familiar for a reason. 
problem is as a female brain is what inhabits my skull I consider it's unreasonable to be expected to form an orderly thought 'on demand'. My first post was, though not word for word because thoughts aren't like that, pretty accurate to the way I've found myself pondering loads and bucketloads of times. 
So who's to say it's overthinking? I consider SOMETIMES I overthink (see the book stop thinking start living, that's worth a read for sure!) But this kind of sequence I described is something almost ingrained emotional *core-to-my-being-and-without-it-I-wouldn't-feel-as-though-I'm-being-true-to-myself * in its significance. 
Who was it who said 'I think therefore I am?' probably a man. Otherwise maybe she'd have said 'I overthink therefore I am?'


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes. I get it. I also read the sister book "for men only". Maybe get your SO to read this book.

It compares your thoughts to being similar to having a bunch of windows open but minimized on a computer. You open one up, process it a bit, then minimize it for a while when you work on another window. You rarely close a window, but they are always there in your mind, and you are aware they are still open..and they continue to use up your brain time, even when they are minimized.

That's how YOUR wired! Not strange, or freaky. Just how it works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Men overthink a lot. Have you seen some of our threads .


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Kobo said:


> Men overthink a lot. Have you seen some of our threads .


:lol:

(actually, maybe someone should think about this........???)


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> If these are your thoughts you suffer from my affliction which is called OVERthinking. I think many women have it. Men however don't do this. Hopefully they will chime in and back me up.
> 
> Have a great day.


We don't... unless forced to


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> Look neither way is right or wrong I'm just saying men don't do this. The overthinking thing I mean. So yes they do just consider for a moment, decide and move on. It is there way and we have ours.


And - sometimes we're wrong.

But, then we get to be the hero and "fix it".

If we're allowed to.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Reading the OP makes me want to ask, Hi there, can I help you with something?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Conrad said:


> And - sometimes we're wrong.
> 
> But, then we get to be the hero and "fix it".
> 
> If we're allowed to.


Exactly but I like to play out all the various scenarios, evaluate risks, think it through, because I don't like to "fix it". I personally prefer to get it right the first time. 

Thanks for yet another insight on men btw. Play the hero. Never looked at it that way but it's true.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> Exactly but I like to play out all the various scenarios, evaluate risks, think it through, because I don't like to "fix it". I personally prefer to get it right the first time.
> 
> Thanks for yet another insight on men btw. Play the hero. Never looked at it that way but it's true.


Magnolia - I think you're wrong there, sorry. Fixing it if you follow 'received wisdom' about men isn't playing the hero, it's what they're hardwired to do. Hero is a convenient title!

oh, and Nader - nah, doing just fine talking to myself (and anyone else who'll listen....... responding is optional)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My first thought when I read your post was you were overthinking the whole thing. Look, if you feel the feeling go with it. I think you're stuck in the have to absolutely love and adore the guy to do the act with him. He's your OH, just go for it. In 60 years you'll slap yourself on the back for not missing the opportunity while you had it. If you are not feeling the lovey dovey then take the opportunity to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do. Maybe you'll even get away with slapping him a bit (ask first!) So what if he gets enjoyment out of you doing it with him, that's his problem. If YOU feel like it and he's willing, don't give it a second thought. A committed relationship doesn't need to be perfect all the time. It's only make-up sex if you think it's make-up sex. It can be take-a-break-from-thinking sex.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> (SNIP) It's only make-up sex if you think it's make-up sex. It can be take-a-break-from-thinking sex.


How very well put! Will think on it! (first thoughts being brilliant thought, but instantly 'counter-thought' how could I be so shallow as to not remember the last seemingly _don't think I can ever live with you fulltime_ things he said.....)
.... actually, literally dashing for a plane right now so as they say, 'I'll be back'......


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

madi, I am so with you. I over-think absolutely everything and in doing so create a whole lot of unnecessary drama. Everyone in my life and now, since I also have an inability to shut the f up, everyone on the boards know it.

Embrace it and have more over-think conversations with yourself about yourself at least you'll know what you're thinking.

I don't know why men don't have this tendency as often but it's a huge freaking relief at times to be around it. They see things as they are as we see things as they could be in any variety of ways.


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