# What would you do???



## NCC-1701 (Mar 6, 2013)

Hello,

Let's assume for a moment, you've been married a few years, no mutual kids, she/he has a dependency problem and everything that goes along with that: infidelity (at least one that was admitted to), the money, the lying, the craziness, taking off for days or as long as a week or so every few months, sometimes going 2 or 3 months between episodes, sometimes as long as 6 to 9 months.

Now after the latest episode she continues to insist that she's not a lair or a cheater. Just suppose you have a recording of a telephone conversation (several), in which her involvement is more that causal. It's not definitive I believe because after all these years of all these drug deals those involved never talk about what they're really talking about, for lack of a better phrase, it's drug speak. So no one comes out and says 'Oh Baby you were great, I want you again.' or anything along those lines, but under the circumstances, it's close enough for me.

For example, this is one call after she was gone 6 days:"You're gonna go somewhere with me Saturday. [Almost a command]" "And it's not gonna be in no hot trailer." "I'll have the money then too." "I'm just letting you know a head a time cause I know how you get and seeing if you want to." In between all those statements he says "Yeah, we can do that." each time with a little more excitement.

Here's what I get out of that: "You're gonna come with me on Saturday. We're gonna go get a motel room cause I don't want to be in no hot trailer (like the last time) and I'll have the money by then. We're gonna smoke crack or have sex, or both. I assume doing whatever they did last time.

In a previous call she sounds genuinely disappointed when he says he's gonna try and work it out [with his ol' lady] cause he has too much to lose. She says "that's not what you said last night. [they were together - not a phone conversation]" She talks about not being sure if she want's to try to work it out but she knows she doesn't have to, and tells him "you don't know what you want, you ain't gonna work it out, you ain't gonna do right." He says "what do you mean I ain't gonna do right? I'm a good person. You found that out last night." She says "Oh, how did I find that out?" He says "I poured my heart out to you." They both get a big laugh over that and then she says "Yeah, well it's different today." followed by another big laugh from them both.

There are so many things wrong with all of this I don't know where to start.

If your first question is 'why are you still with this woman?' well, love I guess. I was hoping that the drug problem would get worked out and fade away. I have a soft spot for that because I've had that problem in the past but I got a handle on it over 30 years ago. I figured if I could anyone could. And yes, I'm getting tired of waiting.

So, to make it simple, you would

A) Run, don't walk away from this and never look back.

B) Confront her with the conversations and ask for an explanation.

C) Let it go and help her keep working on the drugs, the real cause of all this. She has gotten much, much better over the years but obviously not there yet.

D) Have myself committed for putting up with this for so long, on and off for 4 years.

Thanks for your input.
K.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I'm assuming you are not very bright for putting up with this for so long. Change is needed on your behalf. The more you tolerate this foul behavour the worse it will become.

Personally if it were me i would run far and never look back.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Sports Fan said:


> I'm assuming you are not very bright for putting up with this for so long.


DING DING DING!!!

Yes, we have a winner!


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

A) Run, don't walk away from this and never look back.

This is your only solution as you have presented them!

B) Confront her with the conversations and ask for an explanation.

What explanation do you think you would get and what sort of resolution would come out of it? 

C) Let it go and help her keep working on the drugs, the real cause of all this. She has gotten much, much better over the years but obviously not there yet.

She isn’t working on stopping drugs, what you have done has not worked. Either she does drugs and have a problem or she doesn’t. How has she gotten better? Only doing a couple times week instead of everyday? That isn’t a solution and its an excuse and pure denial on your part. 

D) Have myself committed for putting up with this for so long, on and off for 4 years.

You should consider counseling for yourself because what you are doing for her isn’t out of love and as long as you keep telling yourself that she will continue. 
The question is valid, why have you put up with it so long, what is it in you that has let this go on? You know burying your head in the sand will never get her to stop. You know “helping” her has done nothing truly to get her to stop. She choses her lifestyle over you constantly but you hang around


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

Cheating and drugs? She's radioactive. Get away.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I feel like I am not the person to judge someone for their drug use...but.....

I would run. 

Here is what I would do:
180 (ignore her, and forget her) 
Divorce

Then she'll either come crawling back to you, or she'll go down the tube with the AP. 
OR she comes back, you can try and get her some real help. 
If she doesn't...well.....

You can only help someone that wants your help.


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## Miss Honey (Sep 26, 2014)

You just have to ask yourself one question NCC-1701....What would Kirk do?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I don't get why you're even asking this question. It's a no-brainer.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Miss Honey said:


> You just have to ask yourself one question NCC-1701....What would Kirk do?


Kirk would already have been banging the next sexy female alien of course.


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

personaly i would confront and then run.
just tell her that she can go on with what she is doing... but you need to move on. simple. fast. easy.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> Kirk would already have been banging the next sexy female alien of course.


Forget the woman, he blew up the Enterprise to ensure the enemy did not win. He did what he had to do, take a page from Tiberius and start the countdown.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Miss Honey said:


> You just have to ask yourself one question NCC-1701....What would Kirk do?


I knew I recognized that number


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## stunned (May 6, 2013)

You don't have kids together. You haven't been together too awfully long. She's a drug addict and a serial cheater who has to scrape up money for drugs and hotel rooms for her affair partner. RUN LIKE HELL. And on the way out, tell the OM's wife. Then come back here in 6 months bearing gifts for all of us for saving you from more abuse.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

From some of the people I have worked with, I can pretty much guarantee she is trading sex for drugs. Get tested for std's and run.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

convert said:


> I knew I recognized that number


How could you not!!!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Other.

Leave then call the local constabulary that the OM has drugs.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

weightlifter said:


> Other.
> 
> Leave then call the local constabulary that the OM has drugs.
> 
> Revenge is a dish best served cold.


That's right!!! You Kahn do it!


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Why the F do you even need a poll? It's a no brainer.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

DayOne said:


> Why the F do you even need a poll? It's a no brainer.


We have had more than one poster pick the work on it more choice...


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

Miss Honey said:


> What would Kirk do?


Mr. Sulu, Take us out of orbit, ahead warp factor 9.

Mr. Scott, I need more power.

Mr. Spock, Prepare Photon Torpedoes.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Kobayashi Maru my friend. Set the self-destruct sequence and beam the hell out of there. Your wife is basically a crack wh0re. What more do you need to know? You have all the proof you need. Forget about her and go fall in love with something a little less destructive like "crocheting", "painting by numbers", or perhaps even "glass blowing" if you're feeling adventurous.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Beam down to your local planet and pick up some testosterone and a good book to snuggle up with. 

Say, Married Man Sex Life Primer. 

Then light speed outa there.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Dude.

Self respect.

Get some.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> Dude.
> 
> Self respect.
> 
> Get some.


Oye vey!!!:scratchhead:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> Dude.
> 
> Self respect.
> 
> Get some.


It's not necessarily a lack of self-respect.

Has anyone ever found themselves at the bottom of an old fashioned helter skelter without starting at the top?

No, of course not!

You always start at the top and slide down to the bottom.

Captain Kirk, stand up, dust yourself down and think what to do next.

Climb up the stairs and slide again?:scratchhead:

Or take a look round the rest of the funfair and see if there's anything else that tickles your fancy? (As we say in Britain!)


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Or take a look round the rest of the funfair and see if there's anything else that tickles your fancy? (As we say in Britain!)


We swap the C for another N over here.


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