# When to file



## Rachelb24 (Nov 12, 2018)

Hello,
After finding out my husband had an affair and trying for 6 months to forgive him and repair things, I realize I can never trust him and our marriage is completely broken and over. I want to keep things as calm and normal as possible thru the holidays for my kids. Was considering waiting till January to begin proceedings. But is it actually better to file now? Like for financial reasons, taxes etc?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Rachelb24 said:


> Was considering waiting till January to begin proceedings. But is it actually better to file now? Like for financial reasons, taxes etc?


If that's really the question, then you need to talk to a lawyer asap who can advise, not a message board.


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## Rachelb24 (Nov 12, 2018)

I know that. Was just curious if anyone here knew or was in my situation.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Taxes are only affected if you think it'll be final before the end of the year.

You file consistent with your status as of 12/31.

But yes.... you need legal advice.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Anything regarding financial, legal or tax advantages/disadvantages should be discussed with your attorney. 

Anything not involving financial, legal or tax issues, I doubt if when you file really matters in the end. There is no perfect time and there will always be some reason that makes it seem like now is not a good time, ie upcoming holidays, the holidays getting over, Valentines Day is coming up, March Madness office pool, Tax Day, Memorial Day, the dog is sick, your Aunt Beulah broke her hip, the car needs a new transmission etc etc etc. 

There will always be something.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Can you give some background on your marriage? It'll help with more relevant advice. Like, how long were you married, kids, what kind of assets do you have, salary imbalance, etc.

Depending on your state, the affair may or may not be relevant to the divorce. And alimony eligibility and the amounts will also be different in different states.

Divorce takes a while to process. It's doubtful it can be completed this year, which means you'll likely be married for part of 2019. One difference might be to file taxes together or separately, but the benefit of that would be the same regardless of if you filed or not.

One advantage of filing now is that financial shenanigans will be harder to get away with. If today he empties all the savings accounts, he can just say it was for some sort of legitimate purpose like building a pool for the marital home. But if he does it after you've filed, the judge will likely count that towards his 50/50 split of assets. So he takes the savings accounts and you get the house, or something like that.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Definitely consult a lawyer. When you file is determined by a lot of things, but most importantly: laws in your state, and how your H will react when you file. You want to make sure that you are as well protected as possible, and you want to make sure that you secure your half of the marital assets so he doesn't screw you over by draining the accounts. While it's true that he will have to give back half, you won't get it until all is said and done, and you'll only get it if he hasn't blown it all by that point. If he drains the accounts, the chance of you seeing that money again are pretty slim.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When file can be comfortably interchanged with fly, then....

File, go Thee over the wall.

Make sure you do not land on anybody after jumping the wall.
Mid-January is a popular time.
.............................................................

Yes, on waiting after the holidays.

Yes, talk to an attorney soon.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

It's hard to say how your taxes will be. You'd have to go to an accountant and compare the two situations and then do whatever is best for you. Plus, it depends how you file now (e.g. married filing jointly is different than married but not filing jointly).


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

One thing to also consider is that the beginning of the year is a popular time to file for divorce. Couples stay together through the holidays for various reasons and then file afterwards. So if you wait, it might be harder to find an attorney at that time. Even if you file next year, start looking for attorneys now since they may not be taking clients later.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As others have said, talk to an attorney. Filing at the start of the year might be a good idea. It's only a few weeks away. It might take that long to get your paperwork together and filed.

What have you done to plan for divorce?


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## Rachelb24 (Nov 12, 2018)

wilson said:


> Can you give some background on your marriage? It'll help with more relevant advice. Like, how long were you married, kids, what kind of assets do you have, salary imbalance, etc.
> 
> Depending on your state, the affair may or may not be relevant to the divorce. And alimony eligibility and the amounts will also be different in different states.
> 
> ...



Thanks for the feedback. I did see a lawyer for a consult before officially considering divorce, back in September. We have been married 18 years, have 3 kids and live in Illinois.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Rachelb24 said:


> Thanks for the feedback. I did see a lawyer for a consult before officially considering divorce, back in September. We have been married 18 years, have 3 kids and live in Illinois.


Based on that info, I'm assuming some of the kids are still in school. If so, would you be able to wait until summer to get the process started? I know that's a complicated question to consider, but it may be the least disruptive to their school work and would give them time to deal with the situation without having to worry about school responsibilities. To make it easier to wait, you might consider separating within the house, where you each have separate bedrooms. But you should balance the needs of your kids against your sanity and the household environment. If things are too toxic, it may be better for the kids overall to separate sooner.


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