# so broken I CAN'T BREATH.......



## mamifelger30 (Sep 16, 2013)

As I write tears flowing chest tight anxiety high putting my thought right now.... I wrote a post back about my husband and I reconciling. Well today he tells me that he's being Mr honest mind you he was never honest during his affairs. Now that I'm no longer convienant to him he wants to tell me that the past four days were to see if we could have a wonderful beginning but he realized he doesn't feel it. He just physically attracted to me. That reason he was doing all that was to calm me down. Aka NOT go hard I'm court or about money. I WAS ENRAGED N SO HURT. I said Papi why do you play with my emotions like this. I did everything you dislike about me try to show you for ju and my family I can do anything. He's like I've felt like this long time... I said what did I do.... He's like you have no mind of your own you believe everyone else ... You argue with me to much. I said you give me reasons not to trust you.... And my actions are reactions to your actions. He's like that's it. I was like huh so you're mad at me because I stand up for myself. Would like more respect love etc. He's like you want me kids you tell, you I love you when I told you baby steps. I'm like we been together for five years I've been there for you . Had your back always honest with you... Never abandoned you. You have done all that to me. And each every time you betrayed me I forgave you. He even acted like me...emotional crying begging for kisses n love but now when I do it it's unacceptable.  what I also don't get is after five years I still live him. AND HE'S DONE SO MUCH EMOTIONAL DAMAGE TO ME. I'M TRYING to figure out what I have done to this man besides calling him out on his trufeness too hate me so much and.not love me anymore at all.z after everything he can just discard me n.kids. Then tell me I give a **** about kids not you. He says I hurt him with my words and fact I went to his command with our issues. How I made him look in front of his soldiers. Why did my stupid as s say okay okay I'll fix whatever you want me to. Smh we have reversed roles. And I'm, apologizing for his mistakes. I.said why did you lead me on? How can you not want our family? I give you everything still not enough. Good sex cook clean support you emotionally massages but then I realized what I'm doing is what he wants.me to do believe him n his.lies regardless n take disrespect. I feel so worthless.... I DON'T feel bad for calling him out on his abuse or going to his command. He got in trouble they think he's a douch bag for not puttinh his family first. I feel so distraught feel robbed of everything. I made him feel worth it.... Always. I made him feel loved. I wasn't perfect but I was willing to change for our family. Specialty his KIDS. I feel guilty trying to search on how I.May of hurt him or did something for him stop loving me. Hurts so bad..... I feel like death. He seemed so happy n content on our road to recovery. I asked why aren't you coming home he says your getting your hopes up.... That's when I lost it..... He's like I can't live like this next four years.....you bring up past allot.... Fyi this is man with addictions horrible ones I've tolerated.... His broken promises his selfishness but he can't live like.what now...... And I bring past because I've caught him looking at his ex's n talking to them on cpu. So I'm like lost n more hurt n feel lost!! I HATE HIM with my whole soul because he took my.power m now I'm feeling guilty guilty stupid


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Do you qualify for marriage counseling? Or individual counseling? It would be a big help to sort through these things with a professional.


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## mamifelger30 (Sep 16, 2013)

[I'm going through counseling.... But I was changing doing what I was SUPPOSTO And boom he dull says he doesn't love meQUOTE=indiecat;8143713]Do you qualify for marriage counseling? Or individual counseling? It would be a big help to sort through these things with a professional.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Mami-- I feel your pain. My husband cheated, led me on for a few years actually and walked out two days before Christmas. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let them go. I FORGOT what it was like to be talked to like a human. I have been dating. I literally had forgotten what it was like for a man to treat me with respect and be interested in me. And now I have that back. I can only thank my husband for walking out and letting me see the light.

Would it have been nice if it all worked out and we were one big happy family? Sure. But it is so much nicer not having to want better, but be able to get better treatment and a better partner.


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

DawnD said:


> Mami-- I feel your pain. My husband cheated, led me on for a few years actually and walked out two days before Christmas. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let them go. I FORGOT what it was like to be talked to like a human. I have been dating. I literally had forgotten what it was like for a man to treat me with respect and be interested in me. And now I have that back. I can only thank my husband for walking out and letting me see the light.
> 
> Would it have been nice if it all worked out and we were one big happy family? Sure. But it is so much nicer not having to want better, but be able to get better treatment and a better partner.



We all have similar Stories my wife left two days before Valentines day!

Its horrible, plus the person shes with does not even celebrate it because its considered a Christian Holiday, but he feigned celebrating it to see her that week.

Anyway, check the questions I left you on your other thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/183098-why-he-doing-me.html#post8153681

These might help you figure all this out and see if its worth even fighting any more.

As I told you, you should have no problem meeting someone new and better, that deserves you!


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