# Worried about seeing him.....



## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

My husband left in May, well he didn't just leave - I told him to get out after 3 months of false reconciliation. 
I have seen him quite a few times since then, but the last time was about a month ago. Since then I have been doing pretty well I think, I do still obsess about what he did to me & the kids, but I have not cried for ages. Until the day before yesterday when he called me. 
He want's to come down and discuss the financial settlement. I do too as I want to keep things moving along and we really need to keep costs down, so if we can agree on something it will be worth it. But since breaking down when I was talking to him, I am now dreading seeing him face to face. I think the reason I got so upset was because I was suddenly overwhelmed by the sadness of it all. Coming to terms with closing the door on the last 20 years is so hard. I want to be strong, because when he sees or hears me upset he sees it as a sign that I still love and want him, and I most certainly do not!! 
Why am I feeling sad again when I have been going so well, I feel like I have taken a huge step backwards.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

MOOSEY said:


> My husband left in May, well he didn't just leave - I told him to get out after 3 months of false reconciliation.
> I have seen him quite a few times since then, but the last time was about a month ago. Since then I have been doing pretty well I think, I do still obsess about what he did to me & the kids, but I have not cried for ages. Until the day before yesterday when he called me.
> He want's to come down and discuss the financial settlement. I do too as I want to keep things moving along and we really need to keep costs down, so if we can agree on something it will be worth it. But since breaking down when I was talking to him, I am now dreading seeing him face to face. I think the reason I got so upset was because I was suddenly overwhelmed by the sadness of it all. Coming to terms with closing the door on the last 20 years is so hard. I want to be strong, because when he sees or hears me upset he sees it as a sign that I still love and want him, and I most certainly do not!!
> Why am I feeling sad again when I have been going so well, I feel like I have taken a huge step backwards.


 

I know it's hard. If you're not quite ready then say so. Don't be forced to make decisions under duress on your own. 

That being said, if you do not still love him or want him who cares what he thinks? His opinion is none of your business. He's going to think what he thinks regardless.

Make your decision based on what you want not what anyone else thinks or wants.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

I don't feel that I'm being forced to make decisions, I pretty much know what I want. 
But I think I'm still sad at the situation I find myself in, I think I'm still mad at him for taking away the future I thought we were going to have. 
I know what I want to say to him but I know I have a huge problem doing so, I've always been too emotional and I hate it. I just know I'm gonna end up crying and I don't want to go 'back to that'. Thought I'd done with the tears. Maybe that's wishful thinking.


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## somethingnewmaybe (May 12, 2013)

The tears will end. You'll still be mad. You'll still know that he's bad for you. You'll still hate that you cared more than he did.... but you'll move on.

Mine took away a future that we never really had anyway it was just an illusion. Focus on yourself and the enlightenment you're experiencing. Then, when you're done with it, drop it and go be happy.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Thank you. 
I know he's a sh*t and I am better without him, I feel quite good at the moment. Seeing him face to face is ok when we don't mention 'things'. Now we have to discuss finances I'm not going to cope very well. 
He wants to come home and insists he 'knows' I still love him. Wtf arrogant arse****. I need lessons on how to be more assertive, never been very good at it. I'm pretty pathetic tbh, I cry way too easily and I don't know how to change.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

He's coming found in an hour :O


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> He's coming found in an hour :O


Stay strong. Be all business. If he starts talking about anything other than finances, tell him you aren't comfortable discussing that subject and ask him to stop. If he doesn't, show him the door.

He will respect you taking a stand.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Thanks WantWifeBack I will try and do that.
In the past I have asked him to stop when he starts with his sorry's and his attempt at puppy eyes. Though he says he can't help it and so he doesn't stop at all!!
I will see what happens, but 'respect me?' - Sadly I'm not sure he is capable of that.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> Thanks WantWifeBack I will try and do that.
> In the past I have asked him to stop when he starts with his sorry's and his attempt at puppy eyes. Though he says he can't help it and so he doesn't stop at all!!
> I will see what happens, but 'respect me?' - Sadly I'm not sure he is capable of that.


Everyone is capable of respect, the trick is earning it .

Good luck!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Moosey,
Of course your sad at the demise of a long-term marriage. Mine lasted 28 years. I NEVER want him back, but the thought of ending that relationship and facing the changes in our lives I never dreamed of confronting is a daunting task. Don't me hard on yourself. You have earned the right to mourn. We all have. But the tears will ease up, and that nasty feeling in the pit of your stomach will fade away. You will keep breathing and the kids will continue on. Maybe one day your STBX will realize how his actions have impacted those he said he loved once. But my STBX hasn't, and I've given up thinking he ever will.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

He eventually came round, 4 hours later than was planned, but stayed about 10 minutes. Said he didn't have time to stay and he will arrange another time to come and discuss financial arrangements. 
I tried to give him some things to think about, like different ways to split things but he wasn't listening. He just kept telling me that he knows he f***ed up and he won't do it again. He tried to tell me about his dream he had and how sad he was when he woke up and realised it was just a dream - my turn not to listen to him!! I told him to stop it or I would ask him to leave. He stopped that story, but started another :scratchhead:
But, I didn't cry like I thought I would - yey. I just broke him off every time he started to talk about 'us'.
He said he was moving out of his flat next week and going back to his sisters, but I think he's moving in with OW. He's still lying now even though he has no reason to any more because I simply do not care what he does.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> He eventually came round, 4 hours later than was planned, but stayed about 10 minutes. Said he didn't have time to stay and he will arrange another time to come and discuss financial arrangements.
> I tried to give him some things to think about, like different ways to split things but he wasn't listening. He just kept telling me that he knows he f***ed up and he won't do it again. He tried to tell me about his dream he had and how sad he was when he woke up and realised it was just a dream - my turn not to listen to him!! I told him to stop it or I would ask him to leave. He stopped that story, but started another :scratchhead:
> But, I didn't cry like I thought I would - yey. I just broke him off every time he started to talk about 'us'.
> He said he was moving out of his flat next week and going back to his sisters, but I think he's moving in with OW. He's still lying now even though he has no reason to any more because I simply do not care what he does.


Good for you MOOSEY  Proud of you!

I'd wager that he turned up late to make you feel like you aren't that important to him - reverse psychology. He doesn't want you, suddenly you start wanting him. Or at least, that's how he's hoping it'll work.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Thanks WantWifeBack, I'm kind of proud of myself


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> Thanks WantWifeBack, I'm kind of proud of myself


Damn right, you should be.


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