# Bringing up marriage counseling, is there a right way?



## Member4455 (Jun 29, 2012)

My wife may or may not be depressed, but she is not happy. We have been together for 24 years and disagreements over how to raise our now adult children have brought things to a head. We are involved in family counseling, but I wonder if the real problem is between me and her. She has a very confrontational personality, and I am more laid back. she has a slew of defense mechanisms* to prevent me from telling her I disagree with her outlandish behaviors, angry outbursts and manipulation. I fear I have enabled this whole thing and I want to do something about it. If I bring up marriage counseling, I wonder how she will take it... is there a right way? I do love her and we were happy once upon a time.

*some examples "Oh, you think you are the perfect parent/husband" Passive aggressive... "maybe everyone would be happier if I left"... everyone thinks I am the blame for all my problems.. I am hurt you brought up something about me in counseling, it just highlights that you and the kids are against me" "I hate my life"


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I don't think there is any one right way. You simply calmly say that you think you need marriage counseling.

And if she answers with any of the responses you mentioned, simply do broken record, "I think we need marriage counseling. Yes, I see, but I think we need marriage counseling. No, I don't agree with you, but I think we need marriage counseling." Don't argue, don't get derailed or diverted. Just continue to calmly make your point.

It wouldn't hurt to bring it up in family counseling; your counselor there would probably support the idea.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Member4455 said:


> *some examples "Oh, you think you are the perfect parent/husband" Passive aggressive... "maybe everyone would be happier if I left"... everyone thinks I am the blame for all my problems.. I am hurt you brought up something about me in counseling, it just highlights that you and the kids are against me" "I hate my life"


In your case maybe "marriage education" or "marriage enrichment" might have a better ring than counseling. At the very least there are some communication problems here. Telling someone how they think is often classic projection where someone denies a characteristic in themselves and attributes it to their partner


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