# hmm. my husband I NEVER argue or fight.



## princess96 (Apr 26, 2016)

is that weird? we really never argue. or are we just perfect for each other?

sent from galaxy note 5


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

My wife and I made it about 17 years that way. I was SURE we were perfect together. Then, (very) long story short, I found out she hadn't loved me for At LEAST the previous 10 years or so. Possibly longer. "Never" has not been ruled out....

...sorry, what was the question again? Oh, yeah...

We didn't argue because she never gave a **** about anything. That's what I think anyway. It's a possibility. I don't know. We don't have serious discussions either.

I'm pretty sure I didn't help.


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

Ya, it is very weird and you should be worried.:frown2: Think of any relationship in real life, sibling, friend, parent-child, do you know any that thrives without any tensions? As long as you are in a relationship with a person, different from you, there must be tensions. Like MacoMcCoy said, there is really something wrong. The measure for being perfect for each other is not "never arguing or fighting" , but how you resolve the conflicts. In fact, in my own marriage, conflicts have brought us closer, and stronger. 
Good luck!


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

How long have you been married? Any kids?

As @Annette Tush said, the absence of conflict is not the measure of whether you are perfect for each other. That being said, i personally think it's great that you don't argue. Just make sure you sit down together and discuss where each of you are in the marriage, what are your strengths, your weaknesses, your goals. Are both of your needs being met? Anything either of you have been keeping inside, etc. Do this periodically. 

Hope you continue to have a peaceful marriage. And every marriage needs passion and excitement so make sure you do exciting things together and bring out that passion in the bedroom! Don't let anybody talk you into creating a problem where there is none, if that's truly the case.

And if /when you do have an argument don't freak out! 

Now Im going back to sleep! LOL


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## princess96 (Apr 26, 2016)

well i need to re word this a little, mowe do have little arguments but we never raise voices, call each other names and it always last like 5 minutes. and everything is back to normal, weve only been together for a little over a year and married since april 15th 

sent from galaxy note 5


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Been happily married for nearly 14 years, my W and I rarely ever fight (probably could count on 1 hand how many fights we have had, and they have been minor at best). 

Don't listen to anyone stating that there must be something wrong with your marriage just based on this.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Do either of you become resentful or angry over something the other has done? I know you can't speak for your husband, but on your part if you are, and you don't voice it for fear of starting an argument then that isn't good. 

It's better to talk about the source of your unhappiness or discomfort than swallow your feelings. That doesn't mean that you have to 'fight' but you do have to talk. Everyone with a conflict avoiding partner will tell you that it isn't healthy for the marriage.


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## chatabox (May 4, 2016)

I would think being only a year in into the relationship... And literally newlyweds, that your probably still in the lovey-dovey honeymoon period. The fights will probably come in the future. But it's not about the disagreements you have. It's about how you resolve it afterwards.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

princess96 said:


> well i need to re word this a little, mowe do have little arguments but we never raise voices, call each other names and it always last like 5 minutes. and everything is back to normal, weve only been together for a little over a year and married since april 15th


Please take a moment and read my Conflict thread.. to give you some idea how couples deal with conflict.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ead-4-types-5-1-ratio-marriage-conflicts.html (I will copy & paste the opening post below)

I agree with others.. that NEVER fighting is NO measure of a happy marriage.. been a # of divorces here -where the man would say this.. then WHAM... the wife suddenly wanted out of the marriage.. and he felt completely blindsided ...she suppressed her real emotions/ their differences that she knew wouldn't make a difference .. this caused resentment to seethe inside of her.. she put on an ACT to avoid conflict.. this is never never never healthy to do. 

However.. there are "*Validating Couples*" too...which can work just fine... 

In our marriage .. my husband is a cross between "*Validating*" and "*Conflict Avoiding*" I'd say.. now me.. I'm not conflict avoiding at all.. I need to talk about it, hash it out.. if I get too







.. I can steamroll... if anything I am more "Volatile" which may initially sound BAD or unhealthy.. not always so!.... It depends....we always have great make up sex and our bad fights are few & far between...we often laugh in the midst of them even.. 

If you read these conflict styles.. it will explain how this works... the main thing is *the resolving* -getting back to peace with each other.. finding that place where you both feel heard, understood and go forth together as a team... it speaks to a 5 to 1 ratio.. it's the "*Hostile fighting style*" that is NEVER healthy, which is full of blame shifting, insults, criticisms, contempt & defensiveness...that's a sure killer of a marriage.. 



> Long before I ran across Gottman & his conflict styles (just today googling)....I've been in this habit, when a young person comes to me...My Niece for example... all excited "Oh I met the love of my life, he (or she) is so perfect"... the sun, stars & Moon set on them, so wrapped up in the dopamine rush... I pause...and I say ..."Gotta ask you something ....Have you had a good FIGHT yet?"... they look at me with a strange look.. but yeah... I think it speaks much about a couple...how they handle conflict...if they are determined to resolve and move on together...how vital it is to marital happiness & harmony.
> 
> I enjoyed this article & this thread is based on it...
> 
> ...


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## princess96 (Apr 26, 2016)

yes we are newlyweds, but we arent in the lovey dovey honeymoon period, lol we dont care about that lol, but really tho, we never really cared for that crap much. vermisciousknid, we really dont get angry..we had an "argument" about money once. and it ended like this, writing down what we need to save for lol

sent from galaxy note 5


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

@princess96 If you and H want some lessons on how to argue or fight, my wife of 23 yrs and I can surely help with that. :smile2: j/k

Go with what works for you. If you don't fight, great. But if the arguing and fighting eventually comes, do not think your marriage is over. Just see that as a natural evolution. You can fight, but make sure at the end of the day that the issue gets resolved. Do not harbor resentment. That certainly will kill your marriage.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Do either of you become resentful or angry over something the other has done? I know you can't speak for your husband, but on your part if you are, and you don't voice it for fear of starting an argument then that isn't good.
> 
> It's better to talk about the source of your unhappiness or discomfort than swallow your feelings. That doesn't mean that you have to 'fight' but you do have to talk. Everyone with a conflict avoiding partner will tell you that it isn't healthy for the marriage.


This happens to me - for example, wife has no concept of money, as she feels that since she works she can buy what she wants plus can give her PITA sibling money. I mention that we need to watch our spending as we kids and my business could go south any day - her reply is that she works and makes money, so she can spend how she likes. I make a comment about her friend's spouse (who nobody likes, especially my wife), and she goes off on me saying I hate her friends (her friend is wonderful). I don't even bother saying anything anymore as I feel like I'm talking to a teenage girl.


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

princess96 said:


> well i need to re word this a little, mowe do have little arguments but we never raise voices, call each other names and it always last like 5 minutes. and everything is back to normal, weve only been together for a little over a year and married since april 15th
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5


 Now this puts things into perspective! I was getting worried...:grin2: This sounds normal to me, provided your needs are being met! And great job, because usually the first year is the most difficult


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

My parents always told me that "when you're in a relationship, if you always fight, there's something wrong and if you never fight, there's something wrong." 

Sounds logical to me and they're approaching their 50 year anniversary.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

LadybugMomma said:


> My parents always told me that "when you're in a relationship, if you always fight, there's something wrong and if you never fight, there's something wrong."
> 
> Sounds logical to me and they're approaching their 50 year anniversary.


I think the issue is what people consider fighting as I am sure everyone has a different idea of what that is.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

princess96 said:


> yes we are newlyweds, but we arent in the lovey dovey honeymoon period, lol we dont care about that lol, but really tho, we never really cared for that crap much. vermisciousknid, we really dont get angry..we had an "argument" about money once. and it ended like this, writing down what we need to save for lol
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5


The arguments will come. Learn to argue fairly for that day it arrives.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> I think the issue is what people consider fighting as I am sure everyone has a different idea of what that is.


Agreed.

My brother and his wife would bicker and shout at each other when they were over for a visit, and they didn't bat an eye over it. For my wife and I, that would be equivalent to World War 3, and we've not had a single moment like that in almost 17 years together. If fighting is raised voices and angry accusations, then we're still waiting for our first.

I think the problem comes when people seek to describe the perceived health of a marriage by using sweeping terms, all related to how often the couple comes into conflict. These truisms get trotted out, when Gottman's work pretty clearly shows that there's no correlation between the amount of conflict and divorce, and that is has much more to do with how we treat each other when we disagree rather than how often.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I think the issue is what people consider fighting as I am sure everyone has a different idea of what that is.




I agree with this. 

I'm soft spoken and rarely raise my voice. I don't get the point of yelling and cursing. You can state your point without raising your voice. 

For me a fight and an argument is disagreeing on something. Every time my ex would yell, I'd leave and go home. 

I think a lot of people define fighting and arguing as raising their voices/cursing etc...


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Yes, it is weird but my best friend's parents never fought. Ever. They mildly disagreed. His name is boxpin... And he posted here in another thread. 

I am envious.


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