# I feel like he hates me!!!



## Jessy (Jan 25, 2010)

My husband and I have had a rocky relationship and marriage and I can't figure why I made the decisions I have made lately. My husband and I have been married just about a year now and I can't really say that we are happily married. My biggest suspicion is that he married me for his citizenship but I can't prove it. I also have an unwaivering suspicion that he is emotionally involved with his ex-fiance. I continue to find text messages, emails and calls on his phone from her. But when a very dear male friend of mine calls from time to time he blows up in a raging fit. I have caught him so many lies I can't begin to count. When we have arguments, he yells at me like he is in a raging fit and the things he says are so disprectful and hurtful I can't physical or mentally recover right away! Then he wonders why I am moping around the house crying. He has suggested several times when we get into arguments that he wants a divorce or annullment. He has threatned to leave and go back to the other state where the ex-lives and ofcourse I am in our current state with no friends or family. I am not the person I was 2 years ago. When I attempt to talk to him, it's like he's looking through me. 3 weeks ago we had a huge fall out again over her. While sitting watching TV she called and I knew it was her because he has her saved as an icon on his phone and her nickname. I asked him why is she calling, he replied back to me that he has told her not to call, but she continues to do so. He called her back on speakerphone in my presence and asked her not to call him because she was causing tension in his marriage and her reply was "Why did you have to lie?" He immediately got angry and he said she said is that the one you said you paid her to marry you for your paperwork? I didn't hear her say that but he says she did and then she calle his mother, Because when he called him mom she said " Oh yes, She just called me and was apologetic. Later that night I checked is cell phone and her text to him was "I hope your wife finds out the truth. LIAR" He replied back to her saying "Thx psycho" and she later replied "Ur welcome coward". This to me looks like high school or lover's spat. You want to know what really got me is that a few days later he seemed depressed, almost as if he was mourning the lost of their relationship. I have no doubt that they are backing talking and I feel as if he keeps other things from me. I use to be so confident and independent, but I'm not working and I fear that I have hit rock bottom in my finances and my personal relationships!! I belive he is a good man, he's a hard worker and for the most part I have no other reason to not trust him, I just can't get past this issue and when he fails to communicate with me I feel like I have no where to turn. Part of me just want's to run back to my home state and cut my losses!!!!! Please help me look at this rationally


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

They're having an affair. He has no respect for you. He thinks you're dumb and a woman, and he can do whatever he wants. Prove him wrong. Set boundaries; when he raises his voice, leave the room. When he leaves you alone at home, go out yourself and have dinner with friends. When he tries to keep you from meeting a friend (but not a male friend!), tell him that you have equal rights to him and you will see your friends.

That said, it is your responsibility to make sure he is being treated fairly and well as your husband.

Then again, it's also your responsibility to snoop to see if they are cheating on you, and EXPOSE the affair to her family and his family, to stop it.


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## Jessy (Jan 25, 2010)

Thanks Turnera. I think you are right. He keeps picking fights with me over the silliest things. I really think he wants out!!


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Go back to your home state and cut your losses. On the way, contact immigration and tell them you are sure he fooled you into marrying him for citizenship. I'm guessing a marriage has to last a certain number of years for citizenship to become permanent?

Either way, leave. You don't need his ****. No kids. You're young. Plenty of time to start over.

Good luck to you.


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

It is possible that he is having an affair and wants out. I have heard of men who want out, but do not have the backbone to do it themselves, so they act abusive until the wife puts in the divorce papers. The good news is, the process can be pretty painless since it is what both parties want.

The jealousy however is out of place with either an affair or wanting out. If he is possessive and controlling, he likely has feelings for you. Unfortunately, he does not seem like a good husband, so you probably still need to bail on the marriage. Expect a painful separation in this case, as he will fight you.

The option to fix the marriage is always open, but honestly he needs so much work its probably easier just to find someone less messed up.

Good luck.


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