# Is he obnoxious or am I exagerating?



## staylor1 (Sep 21, 2008)

My husband does things that really piss me off. I am hispanic and was raised kind of in an old fashion way...respect your woman type of way. Sometimes all my husband talks about is sex...he isn't happy if we last a few days without having sex. He does things like, pull it out right in front of me and he thinks that it would turn me on. Whenever I bend over to pick something up, he either puts his hand back there or literaly down there. He did it outdoors on fishing pier once and I went off. sometimes when I bend over to pick something up he says outloud "oooh yeaaaahhh" in front of the kids. and it bothers me like hell!! He thinks kids don't understand. We come from different cultures. I am Hispanic and he is Caucasian. My mother is super conservative and that can drive me crazy too. But alot of his behavior pisses the hell out of me and I can't seem to get through to him. I have talked nicely to him and it doesn't seem to work. Explained to him how it makes me feel and he thinks something is wrong with me! is that true?? I can go on without having sex for weeks. By the end of the week for him he is moody! We could have more sex if we weren't in the situation we are in. We used to live have our own place, but fell into financial trouble and my mother needed help as well (my dad isn't around, hasn't been for long) she too needed plenty of help so that is what we are doing, lending eachother a helping hand. We aren't exactly ever alone to have sex. There is always someone in the house..very close by. We are crowded in a 2 bedroom apartment. sometimes he sneaks in a touch on my privates...and I hate it! I would rather us be alone if he does that but my mom sometimes is there with her back turned! he is driving me insane...sometimes I don't want him around because of it...Is there something wrong with me? are many men like this? My previous relationship was not like this at all. He had more respect in my own opinion.


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

He sounds like almost EVERY man I ever dated! LOL
He probably won't ever respond to you nicely telling him to stop, or by you "explaining" your feelings.
You probably have a couple of options:
1) Tell him firmly and loudly "Just cool it!" (And possibly have to push his arm away) Show him some fire in your eyes as if you mean it. Like he's gonna lose a body part if he's not careful.
2) Turn the tables on him. If you think it'll embarass him, manhandle HIM in front of his friends! (Something really rude, like going down the front of his pants) See how he likes it.
The other thing I'd suggest, is as much as possible, just try make light of it in your head, like you "just" have a horny little guy on your hands. 

(And remember at least he's hot for you still. LOL) I'd like my husband to manhandle me more!


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## staylor1 (Sep 21, 2008)

You are right!!! :smthumbup:

I have given him that look and pushed his arm away...he was so hurt I couldn't believe it. But I did it and I meant it...but it still didn't make a difference...He is a horny little thing...I should take advantage of that huh? :rofl: I must admit, if he ever stopped...I'd think something was definitely wrong...it would make wonder.....


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think you ought to give him numerous times when he _can_ do it. To say 'no!' to him all the time has to be unbearable and draining for you. You're probably constantly on guard all the time. If my h did that to me, I would tell him when he can do it. im talking about telling him from 2pm-4pm he can do it. i think you can come to some compromise about how often, and when he can do it. If you tell him no all the time and he feels rejected all the time, he will eventually go else where and find someone that doesnt make him feel rejected. 

when you both come to an agreement and he violates it, then there needs to be consequences. Or, the compromise needs to be reevaluated. ive set up consequences for my H's actions that after i enforced them decided it was wrong and so changed. its really just a learning process of when to enforce boundaries and when to compromise.


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

staylor1 said:


> I must admit, if he ever stopped...I'd think something was definitely wrong...it would make wonder.....


So if he actually listened to you then you would start to feel confused??? :scratchhead: 
Us men just can't win ...


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## staylor1 (Sep 21, 2008)

cheewagacheewaga said:


> So if he actually listened to you then you would start to feel confused??? :scratchhead:
> Us men just can't win ...


Us woman can be quite confusing huh?? :scratchhead:


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

VERY confusing, indeed! But going back to your situation, I like what ljtseng suggested in that he just needs to know when the right time to be playful is. If he can be playful during the right times, and be respectful of you during off-times, then it's a win-win situation, I think. But what do I know - I'm single.


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## bzyshopinbee (Sep 17, 2008)

I would definitely have an issue with this if it was happening in public, in front of the kids or any of my relatives..lol I personally, like to be touched by my husband throughout the day, but there is a time and a place for that. I agree with the above poster, in that you need to let him know when he can and CAN'T be so touchy feely. If he respects you, he will respect your feeling on this.


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

"If my h did that to me, I would tell him when he can do it."

"If you tell him no all the time and he feels rejected all the time, he will eventually go else where and find someone that doesnt make him feel rejected."

I agree with this too 

Just keep being firm as to when you don't want it, but tell him when he CAN have it too


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

never ever ever tell a guy to stop wanting you. because someday they will and you wish they hadn't.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Let me try and guess what the husband's post would look like if it was him...

"I am so frustrated!!! After a series of financial difficulties, we've had to move into a 2br apartment with her mother and our kids, and we almost NEVER have any alone time!!! It is so hard to make love, but I'm so attracted to my beautiful wife I just lose my self control and end up touching her when I probably shouldn't. She can go weeks and weeks without it, and just doesn't care that I desire her more often than that. Eventually, its just not goign to be worth it, and I'm afraid i'll end up leaving her or cheating".

Adding on what snix11 said (and her story is quite the flip side of yours), you should absolutely be careful about too much rejection. My gf used to reject me constantly (even though it was all about her and nothing I was doing wrong) and I got very very close to ending it over that. I felt so worthless and unwanted. 

I would occasionally grope her too because I realized that a quick grope was about all the sex I was going to get. I realize it didn't help anything, but I'm explaining to you how I was thinking. Really, when you feel like you have nothing to lose, the game changes.

I like the idea of setting a boundary. Maybe you guys could get a hotel room one night and have a magical evening, or just find a way to sneak into the car and drive somewhere you can be alone. This will become a BIG problem for both of you.

Don't try doing the same thing to him. If you grope him (esp. in public) he will probably be so turned on, he'll nag the living hell out of you to go further that you'll pretty much have to give in to avoid either the constant pressure, or the days of pouting. He'll accuse you of being a tease and manipulating him.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

snix11 said:


> never ever ever tell a guy to stop wanting you. because someday they will and you wish they hadn't.



great advice, cause when we stop paying attention the question then becomes "why has he stopped paying attention to me"

it can be difficult to figure out:scratchhead:


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

staylor1 said:


> My husband does things that really piss me off. I am hispanic and was raised kind of in an old fashion way...respect your woman type of way. Sometimes all my husband talks about is sex...he isn't happy if we last a few days without having sex. He does things like, pull it out right in front of me and he thinks that it would turn me on. Whenever I bend over to pick something up, he either puts his hand back there or literaly down there. He did it outdoors on fishing pier once and I went off. sometimes when I bend over to pick something up he says outloud "oooh yeaaaahhh" in front of the kids. and it bothers me like hell!! He thinks kids don't understand. We come from different cultures. I am Hispanic and he is Caucasian. My mother is super conservative and that can drive me crazy too. But alot of his behavior pisses the hell out of me and I can't seem to get through to him. I have talked nicely to him and it doesn't seem to work. Explained to him how it makes me feel and he thinks something is wrong with me! is that true?? I can go on without having sex for weeks. By the end of the week for him he is moody! We could have more sex if we weren't in the situation we are in. We used to live have our own place, but fell into financial trouble and my mother needed help as well (my dad isn't around, hasn't been for long) she too needed plenty of help so that is what we are doing, lending eachother a helping hand. We aren't exactly ever alone to have sex. There is always someone in the house..very close by. We are crowded in a 2 bedroom apartment. sometimes he sneaks in a touch on my privates...and I hate it! I would rather us be alone if he does that but my mom sometimes is there with her back turned! he is driving me insane...sometimes I don't want him around because of it...Is there something wrong with me? are many men like this? My previous relationship was not like this at all. He had more respect in my own opinion.


Men can act a little silly when horny as hell, hun. Did I say a little? :rofl: Your husband isn't the only man that has shown his joy stick to his wife or gf, hun. I think there is a time and a place for everything. I don't think the kids should see anything or hear sex talk coming from you both, but on the hand, they love to know their parents love each other. Holding hands, a kiss (not passionate long kisses), and hugs in front of them, they will like, and they feel like they are in a happy loving/caring family.


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## Sabine (Sep 25, 2008)

You said that your mother sleep in the same bed with you two???
In the same bedroom??
So you ahve to be doing it in the same bed where oyur mum sleep too!! WOW!
You have to make a deal with your mum of days when she will be out and you and your husband will be home in the afternoon, and make love then when both of you are completely alone.
I think that the problem is htat oyur husband is not bothered by the presence - so close - of you rmum there while you are very much conscious of it and you simply cant have sex thinking that your mum can hear it and i understand that.
You have to have a talk with your mum the 3 of you or just you and your mum about it.
I am sure he is just trying to get you excited cause he want to have sex.. but its not possible, at least for you.
maybe he is obsessed by it because it is forbidden.


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## lostmymind (Oct 2, 2008)

I can understand how that could become annoying (although, like Freeshias, I would love more playfulness). Do you think that if he were more discreet about it that you would be okay with it? Husbands and wives are often not in sync in terms of sexuality and it seems that he is more sexually expressive than you are..nothing wrong with either side-just differences. I will say that I would not worry too much about him praising you in front of the kids (although all-out crotch grabbing may not be advisable). It is actually very good for children to see loving interaction between parents. Have you ever tried to "hit on" him in more of a romantic way- a close hug and slow kiss? Maybe by showing him that you are attracted to him will quell some of his "out there" behavior. Just my two cents....literally what it is worth!


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## trafficgal (Oct 6, 2008)

I have a healthy appetite for sex my thing is this. Grab my butt or anything else and it's disrespectful. I don't think my h likes when I grab him like that in fact I did it to him and he told me "it's annoying, I've learned my lesson" (even though I wasn't teaching him a lesson I was getting him back). I think my h might not know how to go about creating intimacy. That seems to be my job. In his little way he is trying to have some sexual interaction with me and that's my cue. I on the other hand I would whisper in his ear can we make love (at the restaurant, walking down the street, etc...) because that's exciting to him and the anticipation is great. Your husband needs to adopt more sexy ways to get your attention then groping you. And you should create time together to get you freak on. Ask your mom to leave for awhile so you can have time together. Otherwise she will have to listen to the TV at top sound


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

trafficgal-
It's a pity you stopped your hubby grabbing your butt because that was one of the ways he was using to initiate sex. Once you trained him not to do that, he probably felt rejected, and tried initiating less and less. I understand that you feel it cheapened you, but I beg you to think again. Sex although it is profound and spiritual is also deeply earthy and dare I say it, ANIMAL. 

If you smack his wrist for expressing his animal nature, you psychologically castrate him, and you lose a part of him in the process. Also, I'm betting that early on in your relationship, him grabbing your butt was welcomed perhaps more than it is now.


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## trafficgal (Oct 6, 2008)

MTwain - If my h felt rejected from that than good I don't want to send mixed signals. And in the beginning he most certainly did not do that - yeah right I wouldn't put up with it and he wouldn't feel comfortable to do that. I am an alpha female and he has an appreciation for that in me. He does not want some push over  - and if something makes me uncomfortable he really wants to know - if he finds out I don't like something later and that I was just "letting him have his way" he doesn't like it. He wants me to be turned on not irritated. That's called learning your lover - and i want the same for him so I put myself out there for him all the time. It's called mutual respect and reciprocation - muah! But if you really don't like something don't let it continue is my thing. If you don't try and create some time for sex though you probably will have issues in your relationship. (to stay on topic)


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

trafficgal-

I like alpha females 

But is there any truth to my castration theory, in the case of your hubby? Does he initiate as much as he used to?


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## trafficgal (Oct 6, 2008)

Well we aren't into making a baby so we have a calendar I maintain that when we can have sex we know and then it's open market. LOL - all he needs to know is if I am on my cycle or not. You have to both feel comfortable with yourself and then you can be open in the relationship. But if you do something the other doesn't like than keep doing it because you feel like that - I think it's mean and that might be part of the attraction to you, if it's the case be real with yourself no one is going to like abuse... unless they do  if you need that than your wife or hubby should known that about you before marriage. if a woman don't like to make love you should try and disarm her like a rabid dog - maybe they don't know how tender and sweet love making can be. Once they have their sea legs they might end up rocking your world. That's my story! Another thing is a man is stronger than a lady so if you really appeal to the womans tender side you can get great results - to make her feel the more powerful one. Obviously it takes a lot of work and ongoing work but if you want that woman for yours truly you will do the work and reap the benefits. Trust me I am all WOMAN


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

trafficgal said:


> Well we aren't into making a baby so we have a calendar I maintain that when we can have sex we know and then it's open market.


Sounds cool. We used that method for a while...


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