# Does it ever get any easier? Feeling alone!



## sadgirl7 (Feb 18, 2014)

I got with the man I call my husband 6 years ago. During this disaster of a marriage, I have discovered many things about this man...he is both verbally and physically abusive. He is controlling, possessive, highly-temped, overly jealous, and often times very hard to be around. He drags me down a lot. I know what your advice to me will be, the same advice I would offer my mom, my sister..my best friend, anyone I ever cared about, even those I hardly know..leave him! "You deserve better girl...you've got to find you're own happiness...don't expect a man to change.." I did finally leave him... 5 months ago, however I have let him control me to the point where I don't know myself anymore. I fear being alone...I fear being "unwanted" or "undesired"... I feel as if I have shut everyone else in my life out, friends/family..to accommodate him and his needs, so much so that I feel as if he is the one that's really "there" for me. But things have gotten worse, if that's even possible. Now that we have split (but not technically split since we still spend almost every second of our free time together), I feel as if he stalks me... and I fear going anywhere, doing anything without his "permission". Why do I feel this way!?! I am a pretty successful, early30's woman with children of my own, and yet I feel as if I am not respected as a woman or valued the way a man should value his wife. We've tried counseling in the past, and started to attend church because I desperately want God's love to break thru these clouds that hover over me. I pray for the strength to live each day, but find it harder and harder to do so. I have read many of your posts, and feel as if I can relate to a lot of them... I know that I am a victim of domestic abuse..and that my wounds are deep..but I don't know how to break the ties..when I feel so alone. I cry more than most..as it's usually every other day, or at least a couple times a week because he always seems "angry" at me, as if I always disappoint him and anger him. Most people that know of the situation with us, HATE him...but the strange thing is that even with all the pain he causes me, I still love him but I don't think I like this kind of love. This isn't love. This is entrapment. I fear what you may say..as I say it to myself all the time...please be gentle, I need a friend!


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

sadgirl7, I am so sorry for your pain. I do know how you feel. You know that this is not a healthy relationship, but at the same time you feel as if you are walking on an unstable foundation, like sand. The ground keeps sinking and moving out from under you.

It will get easier, but only if you stop contact with him. You have to allow yourself the time to heal and that cannot even start until he is unable to continue his abuse. Please go to counseling. Find something that interests you that you can grow at. Spend more time with your children, family and friends.

Once you do this (and have no contact with him) the sun will start to shine and you will find your balance again.


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## CaptainLOTO (Nov 6, 2013)

I know this is the "Ladies Lounge" but I'll just say this...

The "feeling alone", and "not knowing who you are" are problems we (men and women) can all share in. 

For me, it's helped to just get out and be with other people. I've been hiking and doing activities with people from meetup dot com and that helps a lot. I'm not looking for anything but somehow just being with others that are doing something fun tends to help.


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## sadgirl7 (Feb 18, 2014)

"Justher", thank you for the sweet response! It really touched me! I find a lot of truth in your response, and with that a sense of reassurance and strength so thank you!

CaptainLOTO, I will try to take your advice. I know that I need to get out and get active and with that, I think I will find more joy in life! Thank you for caring enough to respond here, even if it is a "ladies lounge"...and for making me feel like I am not alone!


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