# Sometime life sucks!!!



## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Not saying that I would but I could understand how some ppl can say F it!!!


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Dealing with your husband? OW? inner thoughts? All that and more?


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

sexuallyfustrated said:


> Not saying that I would but I could understand how some ppl can say F it!!!


((((((SF)))))) I can see how as well...
but think of it this way, any amount of pain you endure in your life is better than the blankness that possibly goes along with death.

I'd rather exist in pain than not exist at all.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Don't do that.
It's just a trick of the light.
Try doing a headstand (up against the wall if you need to) literally and you will get a better perspective. While you're there, if you feel the urge to laugh, don't miss the opportunity. Because now not only does life s*ck, but you're upside down. (It's hard to do the f*ck it thing in that position by the way.) Unless you succumb to apoplexy.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> Dealing with your husband? OW? inner thoughts? All that and more?


Good Morning Riverside, Last night was not a good one at all. Inner thought and dreams are eating me alive. The OW would never come near me so she is not a problem. I did learn last night that she quit last wk end. He blurted it out when I ask about the NC after he got defensive when I ask where he has been. He said he was going some place and it took longer. When I don't call or ask he tells me that I should have. So when I did he became defensive and start saying he is a grown man and dos not have to tell me everything. Do I think he is still involved with other woman. I'm not sure. I would say no because I think thats why she quit because she didn't want to be around him if he wouldn't leave me. However you never can tell and that part I'm not even going to try and figure out. 

Actually I'm waiting to see myself so I can just call it quits if it does then I don't hav to go through these mix emotions anymore.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well, no matter what you decide to do with your marriage, we are here for you.

::Hugs::


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> ((((((SF)))))) I can see how as well...
> but think of it this way, any amount of pain you endure in your life is better than the blankness that possibly goes along with death.
> 
> I'd rather exist in pain than not exist at all.


I know and I agree. To me thats the easy way and chicken way out I might add. My sister tried that last yr going through her deviorce and it really made me look at her as weak. Now I can understand her pain and she was not so weak but in alot of pain. 
:iagree: the pain is better than death because at least you live to give it another try. To do better and be better.
I always say everyday above ground is a good one.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wonder how many people contemplate suicide during a divorce. I know I definitely wondered WTF am I doing on this Earth anyway, my life is over... there has got to be a correlations, I bet.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Don't do that.
> It's just a trick of the light.
> Try doing a headstand (up against the wall if you need to) literally and you will get a better perspective. While you're there, if you feel the urge to laugh, don't miss the opportunity. Because now not only does life s*ck, but you're upside down. (It's hard to do the f*ck it thing in that position by the way.) Unless you succumb to apoplexy.


If nothing else Homemaker it was funny. I fell more times than I satyed up....lol my balance is not so hot. I actually look for reasons to laugh these days and smile. Even when at my lowest point I smile at someone else. When they smile back if just for that minute my world is a bit brighter.

My child saw me crying last night.........that was th worst part. He is a worrier. At 9 he worries and I don't like that. It broke my heart a little bit more when he looked at me and just grabbed me and hugged me and said I LOVE YOU, because I don't want my child to worry about me.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder how many people contemplate suicide during a divorce. I know I definitely wondered WTF am I doing on this Earth anyway, my life is over... there has got to be a correlations, I bet.


I'm starting to see that Jelly. It's so weird how the betrayal from a spouse and contemplation of divorce will send a person in to a tail spin like this. 
I'm not this person yet I'm here at this point in my life and it makes me feel weak.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My ex husband made several comments to me during our separation/divorce that he wondered what the point of life was/what was he doing here too. I guess we both had the same feelings.

But it's not worth it. I had a relative who was a suicide and the devastation it causes is MASSIVE.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> My ex husband made several comments to me during our separation/divorce that he wondered what the point of life was/what was he doing here too. I guess we both had the same feelings.
> 
> But it's not worth it. I had a relative who was a suicide and the devastation it causes is MASSIVE.


I'm sorry to here that Jelly. Understood just the thought is poison. I guess my husband may be having all types of mix emotions. He says he hurts aswell for what he has done that he wishes it never happen. That he hates what its doing to me. That he thinks about it everyday and it stresses him out to but some times I wonder because when I ask questions about it he clams up.


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Please understand that there is a lot of rage in that despondancy. Anger is a powerfull motivator and if you can't or won't turn it on the one who has hurt you, you will turn it on yourself. Be sure your feelings are directed to the one who deserves them and in the proper proportion. When you are crying, ask yourself where are the tears coming from. Is it just self pity (which is ok, somethimes we need it) or frustration ( like a tantrum, which is also ok, go ahead and have one. Try tearing up a phone book)?
Or are you hurting yourself because you can't hurt him or her?


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

SF, have you read my blog post on healing from an affair at Improve My Marriage: Affairs: Healing from an Affair
I also share the experiences of one man from this forum whose wife had a 12 year affair, and what he did to heal their marriage.

So where are things at between you and your husband now?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'm glad you tried and got a laugh.
Now get your son to do it to and then look at each other upside down. It is the funniest thing.

It's good to feel whatever you're feeling...you have to know you can allow yourself to feel pain and still be safe. If pain becomes life threatening then you can't work your way through it. So do whatever it takes to make it not so...therapy, a friend, a walk, music, writing, tenderizing meat. My favorite was going down to our old garage and taking a shovel and hitting the walls and shouting. It's been a while since I did that, yesterday a bear walked through a front yard. I guess the wild animals started to feel safe again around here. :-o


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> My ex husband made several comments to me during our separation/divorce that he wondered what the point of life was/what was he doing here too. I guess we both had the same feelings.
> 
> But it's not worth it. I had a relative who was a suicide and the devastation it causes is MASSIVE.


I too can't find any joy in life, and the problem when you can't have joy is that you can't remember EVER feeling joy, the feeling goes away completely until you can get it back somehow. I am still waiting, not sure how long I've been waiting because not being able to remember past joy leaves no milestone to measure against. It is a very empty feeling and one I know nobody can endure for long. I will try a headstand when I get home, or maybe on my coffee break (will get some strong looks of consternation forsure).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lon, there is no magic pill but I can assure you, it DOES get better with time. Promise.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

If you have kids, surround yourself with them. Have fun with them. Take them to the river, a pool, whatever. It's 100 degrees here, so anything with water is good. Do something silly with them. Ask them what they want to do and do it. My kids' laughter is the best possible cure for those horrible thoughts and feelings that creep in from time to time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ It IS totally 100! This heatwave is insane. Seems to be happening everywhere too!


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

On suicide, our 9 yr old twins have a friend who went away 4/5 weekends ago with his brothers and mother. They came back to find their dad hanging from ladders over the attic opening. Their lives are changed forever in the negative - It's not worth it, it's not an option. As much as I've found several things difficult over the years, I won't allow myself to think of suicide as an option.


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## letstalk (Jul 12, 2011)

Hi all, have a question. I have been married for 32 years. We have 4 kids two still home. Great kids. My hus is a very good man whose family means everything to him. He or I never cheated. We had our rough times first few years of marraige I guess like everyone else. Here is the problem...I am feeling like I don't want to be married anymore. Through all our married life I have always done everyting, bills, house work, yard work, change lightbulbs, fix anything broken in house (he has no motivation)everything with the kids, their schooling, Dr. appts., his medications (he has health issues) activities, trips, games, movies. Whenever my son asks him to play ball most of the time he says no and I do it with him. I have grown accustom to it just being me and the kids. It occured to me that as long as he is at work and it's just me and the kids I am very happy, when he comes home my whole mood changes. He eats and goes to bed and I am happy again. I lOVE my alone time whether with the kids or by myself just not with him. Besides his depression, He does absolutely nothing wrong, he gives me and the kids everything we want (material) he is very nice it's just his whole life revolves around me. It's me. I thought it was just a faze I am going through but I have been thinking about it way too long now for it to be that. I am afraid to spend the next years on prozac or end up like my mother and father married for 55 years and she has always looked sad. I thought about marraige counselor but to be honest with you I don't even know if anything could be worked out. There is no one else in my life nor do I ever want there to be anymore. I am a very independent person in excellent health and always optimistic, but his depression, and health issues are wearing on me. He has taken several months off of work now for stress and I don't see me lasting another few weeks. I do know that if I ever told him I wanted a divorce it would kill him on the spot since he never would see that coming. I think my kids see it more than him..although I NEVER talk about these things with the younger ones. My older one 30, knows and has known my situation for years and although loves her dad, does support me and understands exactly how I am feeling. She also tells me she wished he was more of a dad to her when she was young.
Don't know what to do...........


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

letstalk said:


> Hi all, have a question. I have been married for 32 years. We have 4 kids two still home.
> 
> Don't know what to do...........


You need to start your own thread.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I know the feeling... I've never understood how someone could just end it all until this all happened. A few months back my wife went against my wishes and took a job that I didn't want her to take because we would never get to see each other and I wanted so bad to work on our relationship and I didn't understand how she could put that above our relationship when she knew that what I needed at the time was her by my side to work it out.

Needless to say I had a lot of lonely nights for a long time. I started to drink a bit more than usual and my thoughts would run wild all the time because all I had was my thoughts. I would have anxiety attacks quite frequently, sometimes multiple a day so I would take my Xanax. One night I was in a really bad place and couldn't see a reason to carry on. 

I sat there all alone in my dark empty house and put a pistol to my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt other people that really cared about me. I know what it's like to be the person that cares. My mom tried to kill herself multiple times when I was 18 and my sister tried to kill herself as well. I found a friend with a stomach full of pills and had to rush him to the hospital.

A friend of mine and my W killed himself at the beginning of July 2010. I see the way it has impacted every ones lives around us and I wonder how things would be if he had not commit suicide. After he died I befriend his best friend, who later on became one of the people my wife had an EA with.

I hate the way I am now. I hate myself. I hate my life. It's pretty sad when the only thing that’s really going good in life is your work life, but even that isn't going that great because my personal life has affected my work life.

I know people care about me, but sometimes I don't really feel like anyone does. But I could never put anyone through the pain I went through with my friends’ suicide and my other friend and families attempts.

When I start to feel down and the thought even crosses my mind, I think about things like who would find me, and the reaction from the person that did. I also think about the people that I know would be at my funeral. I put myself in the situation as if I was at my own funeral and it reminds me that there are a lot of people that care about me who would be devastated. It's impossible not to cry thinking about it.

To anyone that thinks about “ending it all”, I want you to know that people care about you. Your life is important to people in this world. I am grateful for you. I am grateful for your advice and the compassion and support that you have shown me as well as others on this forum. You have helped others in their time of need; you have brightened their lives and enlightened them. Thank you.

“I hope that the world turns and things get better. But I hope most of all that you understand that even though I will never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.” -V for Vendetta


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

grizabella said:


> Please understand that there is a lot of rage in that despondancy. Anger is a powerfull motivator and if you can't or won't turn it on the one who has hurt you, you will turn it on yourself. Be sure your feelings are directed to the one who deserves them and in the proper proportion. When you are crying, ask yourself where are the tears coming from. Is it just self pity (which is ok, somethimes we need it) or frustration ( like a tantrum, which is also ok, go ahead and have one. Try tearing up a phone book)?
> Or are you hurting yourself because you can't hurt him or her?



I'm turning it on myself because I can't him. I did a few times when I first found out but I can't do that i can't lash out and hit him because I don't want it done to me and what will that show my kids. I use to drink alot when I was younger to keep from thining, to keep my self from lashing out. It bottles (no oun intened) things up so I don't have to deal with it untill I am ready. So because of his health and not to stress him I really try not to bring things up or when I do I try to be low key and calm about it. I really try to bury my emotions(like I alwys do) an when i do allow them to come out and I felt I'm met with distain I burts.

So to keep from thinking when I am suppose to be sleeping ( i don't rest well anymore) to keep from dreaming (bad dreams are comes more often that not) to keep from bothering him with my pain. I have started to drink at drink after the kids are asleep so that I can sleep. Not to mush just to sleep. Last night however was not like that at all I drank until 5:30 this morning ( i stop because there was nothing else to drink. Then i went to bed and got up and 7 to get the kids ready for camp.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My dad committed suicide when I was 17. I had advised him before doing that why not go for broke, become a hermit like you always wanted to, never mind about the job and the house my mom had 1/2 equity in. Anyway, the whole experience left me suicide proof. Now when I get pushed up against the wall, I think, hey, if I'm at this point I have nothing to lose, so I think I will try doing what I want to do anyway that makes me happy. This can't be life if it feels so wrong. I'll do what feels right and it will be the opposite. You know what, it usually is! Once you decide on a change the barriers that look solid become a bit hazy. I guess what I'm saying is that it is possible to walk through walls. I guess going for broke in life is kind of the same as choosing death, not literally, but in throwing away everything you have that you don't need in the 'life' that you're living. 

Lon be sure to separate the coffe from the headstand. You could ask a colleague to steady your feet. Or ask someone if they know how to dance, turn on some music, and learn a few moves. (There is a dance thread someone started...)


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> SF, have you read my blog post on healing from an affair at Improve My Marriage: Affairs: Healing from an Affair
> I also share the experiences of one man from this forum whose wife had a 12 year affair, and what he did to heal their marriage.
> 
> So where are things at between you and your husband now?


Actually it's rather strange Riverside. The reason I say that is because after we do through these things ( I woun't even call it a argument because for the most part I was doing all the talking. We don't talk for a day or so, won't kiss each other good bye as we go about or days or when he comes hm from wk. We walk past each other like rm mates when these things happens. I would not allow him to go to sleep at first. It was only when talking about his doctor visit and all and he say he doesn't even know why I go to then with him after all he has put me through he doesn't know why I'm still here that I thought for sure that i was gone when I first found out 3yrs ago. And that i really don't have to go to the appointments with him. That brought me to tears. I just stood there and looks at him for a while and then cut off the lights and left the room and start cleaning and washing clothes (mind you it was 2:00 in the moring:scratchhead.
After I left the laundry rm i went back to my rm and he wasn't there I found him on the front porch. Just sitting. I left him there. After a while I went out and motion for him to come in and told him to get some sleep. 
When I went to bed this morning (remember it was 5:30) I can tell he really wasn't sleeping. He got up went to use the restroom. Get some water and ck on the kids. when he got back in the bed I did something I never do when I am upset I MEANT NEVER in 18yrs. I reached for him. I place my hand on his waist. He turned to me and place his fingers in mind and kept kising my forehead. His breathing was rather fast but he wasn't crying. We went to sleep like that and he even kissed me before he left for wk and called before they got really busy asking me if I had eaten. Saying I drank to much and needed food. That fe knows I will go with out eating and it was not good and that it was far to hot for that. When were upset with one another WE NEVER CALL THE ENTIRE DAY. We just see each other at the eand o the day and are mostly quite unless it's dealing with the kids. I don't know what to make of it really.
he says things like don't go crazy over this or your going to drives your self crazy if you don't stop tripping or stressing over this. It's not worth it. I told him NOT LIKELY.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm glad you tried and got a laugh.
> Now get your son to do it to and then look at each other upside down. It is the funniest thing.
> 
> It's good to feel whatever you're feeling...you have to know you can allow yourself to feel pain and still be safe. If pain becomes life threatening then you can't work your way through it. So do whatever it takes to make it not so...therapy, a friend, a walk, music, writing, tenderizing meat. My favorite was going down to our old garage and taking a shovel and hitting the walls and shouting. It's been a while since I did that, yesterday a bear walked through a front yard. I guess the wild animals started to feel safe again around here. :-o


WOW Homemaker you scared away bears :lol: now that was some loud shouting. I usually listen to music or write poerty (especially write) when I am going through things exspecially heart ache. I have been thinking of trying to publish them. If i could ever bring myself to allow others to read. I use them as a outlet. They are my personal feelings. I go to spoke word although I have only gotten up once. I don't like speaking in front of ppl. I would if I HAD to but public speaking scaress me.

I'm going to do that with him when he gets home he is a worrier like his mom he'll get a kick out of it. 
Thanks.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

So SF, is it time to buckle down and start healing the relationship?


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I thought of suicide a few times and the last time I eyed this truck but then thought I might hurt that driver and then I eyed the canal but then said Nah I am going to get through this and I am.

Lots of sharing, IC, group therapy, 12 step program and self help books up the ying yang...I can't wait until it turns around.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

SF, have you looked into Toastmasters?
It is a safe place to learn public speaking.
You can start talking about things that you are passionate about.
Even if it is something simple like Poutines (I'll let you wiki it.)
You don't have to do all the club involvement but if you join a good group and do the first 10 speeches you will have found your voice and that's a very good thing. You already have a lot to say you just have to expire. See, you really do have to expire, but not in the way you were thinking. Just your breath, then you can breath in again. Simple. Only make words when you expire. Then your pain can get out. I'm sure people will read what you write. But be sure to put your name on it so that it belongs to you.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Forsaken, that was alot to take in. I see that my feeling are me feeling sorry for myself and it makes me feel unworthy now when I gear your story. i know that was not your intentions but it did help to future bring me out of my funk. I feel your pain and its gut wrencking. It allows me to see past myself and know that what I and going through pales in comparrison. All I can think of now if how can I help you with what your going through. 
My husband told me to pray last night and I said why should I pray to God when he place my in this situation. I feel shame and I pray to him forgiveness. I didn't mean it and I said it out of a very bad place which is not me I always try to think before I speak in anger.
I thank you for you story. I thank you for your words. I thank you for for your love and I thank you for you. i am learning to lean on the good ppl here. I am gaining alot and I just hope that I can give as much as I get.

THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Also I just want to say what I said to my mom and my sister when I visited them in the hospital when I was 18 and 19. I told them the moment they conceived a child they lost the right to take away their own life because it doesn't belong to them anymore, it belongs to the child because the child needs it and it's the childs right to have it.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Forsaken said:


> Also I just want to say what I said to my mom and my sister when I visited them in the hospital when I was 18 and 19. I told them the moment they conceived a child they lost the right to take away their own life because it doesn't belong to them anymore, it belongs to the child because the child needs it and it's the childs right to have it.


:iagree::iagree:


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

My mom was a product of suicide ... not a great way to be raised, as my moon didn't know how to be a parent, from a young age. She never ever spoke about it ,and it wasn't until she pasted away this year, at 90 did I learn more. 

When my son was around 2 or 3, he started to speak of reincarnation . I never spoke to him about it. He was born on Budda birthday as well . I didn't know that at the time. His name means leader and too, his birthday sign. I never knew these things at the time either. 

One day he as a young child he turned to me and said, "Mom, you know, if you commit suicide, you never go to heaven." I looked at him and said, "Really?" His response to me was, "Yeah, it's because it's murder, you murder yourself,and if you murder, you don't go to heaven ." Blew me away..... 


Anyone who has befriended me within the last 8 weeks, knows I am struggling with my current events. I came so close to wanting to end my life as early as last week, as I had really hit a very low point. I went somewhere where I shouldn't have, thinking I was strong enough to with stand it. I was so wrong, but I hung in there, and you know, yesterday, I found myself thinking, "I am worth much more than ending my life! My life mean more to me than the hurt I am feeling " It isn't the affair, its more about how bad I feel about myself, no not even that , it the reality of how your own soul searching can make you feel so aware. When you are brave enough to look at yourself and answer bravely the questions to yourself, what one feels ,i what you think you feel, And how you answer to yourself, is the hardest part. 

Two things I learned this week, but, haven't been able to put to practice yet,it is, "Go where the light is the brightest", .... and "Everything has cracks, it is what lets the light in ! "

I struggle everyday trying to figure it all out, as well as I do admit ,that I do ask, ask "Why me? What is the purpose? I real do want to know, Why? Why was I of the lucky one to be "honor" by infidelity!"

~sammy 

The soul searching is a b**ch !

~sammy


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Go visit this if you haven't already http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23016-inspiration.html , I can't even tell you how many times I've read this whole thing.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> So SF, is it time to buckle down and start healing the relationship?


:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:
In my soul Riverside, yes that it is time. I feel that I won't give it a honest try and that nothing he says I would ever completely belive again because when he had 200% of my trust he misused it. I understand that I must try to at least get past those issues in order to get to my next before we can get to our next step. Yet in my mind I keep thinking something is not right ( and I am still not certain it's not just my mind) in this. In my heart......well that one is easy. It's broken. Shattered. My faith in him, in men being faithful untill death d you part have been completely shattered. If anything I have heard all men are dogs, they all cheat. My sister thought I was bonker when I use to say that I din't believe that. That not all men where that ay because he would not. She said oh he cheats you just have yet to catch it. And by the time you find out about it there is always soooo much more to it and when you really find out everything it will kill you. 
In a way Riverside it has. My heart say protect me all cost. My mind says You can't trust him while your asleep his texting her. My soul says it's tried and I need to see where it goes. Heal from this and what will be will be.
WHICH ONE DO I LISTEN TO......I would never admit this to anyone else EVER but I'm afraid. Afraid that if I choose the wrong one......................It will change who I become. My goal through all of this that I kept telling myself was that I know i was going to certain things about me. But I wanted to become a better person because of it and not a bitter one. It's a fight that I have been fighting hard to win. I don't want anything to happen that would change that. I don't even like me when I'm anger.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

And I can't have a negative outlook on men. I just can't. I have sons and I don't want that to effect things with them. I refuse to allow that to happen.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> SF, have you looked into Toastmasters?
> It is a safe place to learn public speaking.
> You can start talking about things that you are passionate about.
> Even if it is something simple like Poutines (I'll let you wiki it.)
> You don't have to do all the club involvement but if you join a good group and do the first 10 speeches you will have found your voice and that's a very good thing. You already have a lot to say you just have to expire. See, you really do have to expire, but not in the way you were thinking. Just your breath, then you can breath in again. Simple. Only make words when you expire. Then your pain can get out. I'm sure people will read what you write. But be sure to put your name on it so that it belongs to you.


Toastmasters huh. Sounds worth trying. I'm a outspoke person when it is time to speak. For the most part you would never know I was around. Some ppl talk talk talk. They're always talking. Being loud for no reason trying to be notice. They talk yet they have nothing to say. I try to refrain from idol chatter untill I have something to say. I am a introvert. Most ppl see me as weird (heck my own family thinks I am) but I'm not, I just don't have a problem with spending time alone. I'm quiet comfortable and confident in myself to do so and think nothing of it.

I will give it a try. I try to read my work into a recorder but I don't like the sound of my voice. 
Thank you for the suggestion.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> I thought of suicide a few times and the last time I eyed this truck but then thought I might hurt that driver and then I eyed the canal but then said Nah I am going to get through this and I am.
> 
> Lots of sharing, IC, group therapy, 12 step program and self help books up the ying yang...I can't wait until it turns around.


Your right it does help to share. I'm not really the sharing type. You see family and friend (even my older sisters, aunts and sometimes my own mother) come to me to talk. For a listening ear. And if I can give good sound adive that would help them in anyway then I do. If I can't I at least give them a place to vent. For me that is a part of being human, everyone needs that. But if I do it I see it as a sign of weakness for myself. How can I help others if I can't handle my own things. So I keep my stuff to myself and try to wk on it. It I can't I turn it over to God. And I have not done that at all but I do need to. 
This forum helps. The website I think is Gods way of sending me help. I can't and won't tak about it with anyone outside of this site except my husband and since he won't really talk about it I find some peace in the fact that i have a entire community of ppl here to help me and guide me. For that I am grateful and blessed.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Sexuallyfustrated, 

This site and people have been a godsend to us all. What a horrible club to be in, huh ? 

~sammy


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

sammy3 said:


> Sexuallyfustrated,
> 
> This site and people have been a godsend to us all. What a horrible club to be in, huh ?
> 
> ~sammy


I think it's a blessing in a way. I am looking at it this way. When I first found out about his A. I went in to a different mode. I would still take care of the kids, house, and what else that I had to do. But when night fell so did I. I broke down. I cried. I drank to sleep or to keep from thinking through the night. I talked a little with family but for the most part I kept things to myself. If I wasn't trying to hurt him because he would try and come between me and my self loathing. The I stop and thought all this is doing is distroying me. My body. So I stop and went to the interent for something, anything that can help me. I wrote my poetry and visited sites and I found TAM. And I don't always post but just readin others stories and how they handle them has helped me. A godsend is correct!! Yes a horrible club to be in but think of the alternative. Drunk, jail, or in some ppls case dead. 
Sometimes life sucks, but I have found that as long as at the end of the day I still have my life the he hasn't broken me. I'm still standing and the nxt day is another day for trial and error. To be and do better.

TAM RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

ANd so do you frustrated. To all who have feeling of ending it. for god sakes, your family and friends sake and your own sake see a doctor and get some help! I too came cloe, I immediately went to a doctor and got BOTH anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety call xanax. The results were near immediate and I went back in couple of weeks to adjust dosing and let the dr know when it wasn't helping. It helped me level off and move away from the edge of the cliff. I spent the hours ride into and from work work crying the whole way - not a good way to drive. The xanax at those times helped dramatically. You are no less a man or woman to get help. IC MUST go with it. You have been severely traumatized. PTSD is common and can be extremely severe - read up on it and learn what it's symptoms are how it's treated. I'll bet most of you see your problems listed. GET HELP PLEASE!


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## RestlessInGeorgia (Dec 3, 2008)

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder how many people contemplate suicide during a divorce. I know I definitely wondered WTF am I doing on this Earth anyway, my life is over... there has got to be a correlations, I bet.



I think the reason for this is best described when we are married to begin with. Two become one. A divorce is very much a death because half of you is being torn away. Most people, I think, wonder how they can continue living as half a person. When we're not in the situation, it's easy to say we would never contemplate suicide because we know that all things heal with time. I think those that succumb to suicide are just lost in their own hopelessness and can't see past their own pain and anguish. It's really heart breaking when you sit and think about it. Divorce in and of itself is heartbreaking. I know there are extenuating circumstances, such as affairs, but people are just too quick to drop the old and usher in the new.


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## RestlessInGeorgia (Dec 3, 2008)

sammy3 said:


> Sexuallyfustrated,
> 
> This site and people have been a godsend to us all. What a horrible club to be in, huh ?
> 
> ~sammy


:iagree:

Such a horrible club to be in, but most all of the people on here are very caring and helpful. I know I would have a hard time making it through without all of you that have helped and comforted me. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I know that sounds very bad and I'm ashamed that I feel that way. I'm even more sorrowful that you all had to suffer affairs in your lives. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone seemingly good hearted people such as yourselves.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

RestlessInGeorgia;381306It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I know that sounds very bad and I'm ashamed that I feel that way. I'm even more sorrowful that you all had to suffer affairs in your lives. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy said:


> You shouldn't feel bad or ashamed to feel that way. I believe that is the best part of this site. Knowing others have been and are going through the same things you are facing does give comfort. It's like you think "If they can make it, so can I." It certainly helps at those totally despondent times discussed in this thread.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

How are doing hurting? Haven't heard from you lately!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Hanging in there. One day at a time.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> You shouldn't feel bad or ashamed to feel that way. I believe that is the best part of this site. Knowing others have been and are going through the same things you are facing does give comfort. It's like you think "If they can make it, so can I." It certainly helps at those totally despondent times discussed in this thread.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
And thats exactly how I feel now. I read Jar's post from start to finish. I went threw so many emotions just reading about what this man went threw so I could only imagine what he felt. But at the end even though it didn't end the way he wanted it to, my gosh. He's still standing and stronger than he was when he first joined. They way he was treated was outrageous and in the end because he choose to endure and get threw the pain and live and keep pushing and keep living he is a better person and a stronger on. I gotta believe that can be me. I'm so looking forward to it.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> ANd so do you frustrated. To all who have feeling of ending it. for god sakes, your family and friends sake and your own sake see a doctor and get some help! I too came cloe, I immediately went to a doctor and got BOTH anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety call xanax. The results were near immediate and I went back in couple of weeks to adjust dosing and let the dr know when it wasn't helping. It helped me level off and move away from the edge of the cliff. I spent the hours ride into and from work work crying the whole way - not a good way to drive. The xanax at those times helped dramatically. You are no less a man or woman to get help. IC MUST go with it. You have been severely traumatized. PTSD is common and can be extremely severe - read up on it and learn what it's symptoms are how it's treated. I'll bet most of you see your problems listed. GET HELP PLEASE!


I took xanax before I knew what was going on. I just felt the changing and I start having problems with my breathing. It hurt to breath. I felt like I couldn't breath when all I was doing was breathing. My doctor said it was panic attacks and prescribed xanax. I told him I wasn't crazy and he laughed at me. My doctors (OBGYN as well) always laughs at me. I speak my mind. Rspectful but I'm always serious and they find it funny that I'm that serious and straight forward and truthful but real with everything I say. Most times I think they think something is wrong with me (shrug). Now that I know what it was when I told my doctor after asking for a STD test he stop what he was doing and turn to me slowly and ask WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR THAT ( he has been my doctor since I was 16). I told him and he just looked at me kind of sad and shook his head and said: WOMEN SURE GO THROUGH ALOT. Then he turn around again and said: And that was the reason you where having panic attacks and din't know it but your body did and when back to writing. I think he was kind of upset. Go figure.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

I'm totally honest with my doctor. He treats both my wife and I. That came to be 20 years ago when she went off the edge with post partum depression - right before this all started with the affairs. I had made an appointment to talk to him about her behavior after my son was born because she couldn't take of my 2 year daughter or my newborn son. SHe moved out and didn't want to see them! He refused to talk to me saying I wasn't his patient and he couldn't talk to me about her. I walked out his office back to the front desk and told them to transfer my records from my doctor in the same building to him that I wanted him as my physician and make me another appointment. I walked into to his office the next day. He was shocked when I said, I'm now your patient and need your help. We have had a great relationship since.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

BY the way, that honesty helped dramatically when I discovered everything. He talked to me and helped me get on the right meds and followed me and adjusted them till I was getting right and stable.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

I have not used them since 08 when i got them. I used them to sleep at night. Now when i can't sleep which has been a regular thing now I just write. It helps. My poetry has helped me alot. Mostly about heart break so I guess to some it would be considered sad but to me it's just real.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

For now that is.....guess untill I map him and find that his is over there....lol


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