# Marriage in trouble because of husbands friend..please help.



## secretlyfoxy (Apr 13, 2010)

I have been with my husband for 10 years off and on. We have been married for 2 years. In the 10 years, we did have a major breakup and went our seperate ways for almost 3 years. He was in the military and just got out. This is the problem and Im very confused about what to do about it.

He has this friend that is constantly bumming money, his car, and just about anything he can get out of my husband. But for some reason, he considers him a good friend, even though the guy doesnt pay him back or anything. He literally owes my husband about 5 grand. Not only that, but for a while thats all my husband wanted to do, was go over there or want to spend the night. I confronted him about it and said that its not normal for married people to be spending the night at friends houses all the time. He said I didnt know what I was talking about. That it was a normal thing. Its so not a normal thing, right? I mean, so many people are telling him that him being this guys "friend" is showing how unintelligent he is.

Well one fight after another over this leads him to snap and move out. He told me he missed his single life and obviously wasnt ready to get married because he couldnt let his friend or his freedom go. That he missed doing what he wanted and not having anyone on his back basically. I was crushed. I felt...like his friend, who owes him so much and just keeps using him..was more important to him than his own wife, who cooked, cleaned, worked, and did everything for the family. 

Well 2 months goes by, after a few visits he comes back. Like wanting to come permantly back. Saying he missed me and things were going to be better and he wanted to work things out. I thought about it for a few days and decided I wanted my marriage to work. The very first day, I tell you, that he moved back in..his loser friend was knocking at my door!!! And has been coming over every other day wanting my husband to come over or stay with him. And hes went over there a couple of times!! Im to my breaking point, I feel like Im about to snap. I dont know what to do or make this joker go away so my marriage can have a chance. If he stays in the picture, I know we arent going to work. Please..any advice will help. Thank you.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Oh, man! Maybe he should go live with his friend and if he thinks he wants to be your husband, then he would have to prove it by going and getting the kinks worked out with a counselor. I don't think he has hit bottom, yet, but I do think you shouldn't let him push you around. Standing up for yourself and what your marriage should be should make an impact on his thinking. Putting up with it give him the message that it's okay. I would just tell him, if it were me, that this arrangement isn't working...he can;t have his cake and eat it to. Refuse to argue with him about it and don;t take his dismissals, personally. He is confused and has some growing up to do. You want to be married to someone who respects you. Feel free to tell him that you don't feel respected and...if he tries to argue with him, tell him you're not interested in quibbling over this stuff...make a choice.

Best!

Lyn


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Awfully sorry to suggest that he is going to friend's house because there is someone calling/meeting him there. Someone nearby perhaps or is living at the friend's house. The friend is just the decoy and the gopher. Your husband knows full well he is feeding you bull about spending the night away from home. He also knows the bull is just to snow you and keep you blinded from what is really going on. He knows the disagreement will keep your mind occupied on being upset over the disagreement so you can't figure him out. All his tactics worked........up until this response.

This is also why you cannot figure out why he thinks this guy is such a good friend. He is a great friend to keep your husband's secret, allow your husband to use his house (if that is actually where he goes), and to come get your husband whenever that woman wants him. Maybe they all plan it out in advance for the friend to come get him or call and ask him to come over. However it comes about, this is the reason he asks your husband for money. It is hush money. The guy feels it is the least your husband can do. It's also possible the friend is actually taking it to your husband's mistress. Either/both of these are the reason your husband does not expect any of the money to be paid back. He isn't actually loaning anyone any money. They just make you think some kind of loan situation is going on, but it isn't. Get the clue, sweetheart.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Yikes, Susan.

Ok, I guess mine won't be much better but ... are you sure they're just friends?


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

MsLady said:


> Yikes, Susan.
> 
> Ok, I guess mine won't be much better but ... are you sure they're just friends?


friends are friends
and pals are pals
but buddies sleep together


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Yikes, MsLady! I hadn't even thought of that angle. LOL
But so many unsuspecting men are on the down low.


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