# Sex when seperated



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Today when H came over he tired to do stuff with me  He came over and asked for a hug and then tried to kiss me and told me that he was *thinking* about me the other night. When I told him it was just not right to go there he asked me, 'don't you like it?' I told him I would not put myself there if he wasn't. That it was more then just f%$ing to me and I just couldn't. He then went on this mini rant about how I was the best blah blah blah. I then told him I can respect his decision to leave but I needed to know if he was just leaving to find out what he wanted to do or for good. He didn't really answer and then I told him that I needed to know(this has to do with daycare/job ect....I have been a SAHM  ) He then tried to kiss me again and told me it was hard to live with me sometimes. Then I asked if he saw himself ever coming back and he said right now no. 

I am not willing to give myself to him this way just to get off....I am sorry but it just seems wrong  We have always connected very deeply when it came to sex and the week before it was some of the best ever. 

Funny thing is today I felt better then I have.....I know there will be a lot of ups/downs. The last few days I have been blaming myself for everything that has happen but I am starting to realize WHAT he did to me the last weeks. He told me last night he was scared I was going to change and might of made a mistake leaving. 

Even in all of this mess I feel so good about the person I am becoming....I almost feel at peace. It makes me sort of sad that he thinks I was the only one that needed to change....


----------



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

.


----------



## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Hang in there! You just CAN'T make other people change that don't want to or that think the only reason they ever did anything left of perfect was because of you. 

All you can do is figure out what your role in the demise was and work hard to change it, if not for the current relationship...then for your future!

As per the sex after he moves out...well it is really up to you, whether you want to be the booty call or not.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

He left--why would you WANT to have sex with him? Ask him that. You need to look after yourself (as he needs to look after himself). If you are having sex only b/c you are afraid he will seek it elsewhere, then you are doing yourself a disservice. If he doesn't love you enough to stay with you, your feelings toward him will have changed--you see him differently, and not as your sexual partner. If he doesn't get it, so what? Not your problem. 

If, on the other hand, you just want sex and decide to go ahead with him (or someone else), that's fine too. The common thread is: do what feels right to YOU and not out of fear of "making a mistake" that will affect the marriage. He's made a choice and you are learning to live with it. Good for you!


----------



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I wont do a booty call or at least with him I wont I also know that after 11 years I CANT just have sex with him it means more. I am hurt that the last week(we did it every day) before he left he did what he did with me....it really confused things even more so he made love to me. 

If anything I went out on a high note LOL


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Is it wrong that I would? I told him to call me anytime he decided to come back to me. I told him that even if he just wanted sex I would be there for him. I miss him terribly, I dream about him and I fantasize about him. Is that weird? I wish he would call me at least for that, but sadly I dont think he will. Makes me sad I am not even good enough for that.


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I just read a good book:

Divorce and New Beginnings. ..you all can "amazon it" - i bought it used - it was published in 2000.

Anyway, they discuss this subject - apparently 25% of couples while divorcing still have sex (so it's not uncommon) and it's not recommended because the key chapter in the book is Chapter 10 - Completing Your Emotional Divorce

In that chapter she recommends 

A. dealing with anger (chapter 5)
B. severing all dealings with your spouse - changing your address, limiting communication, etc.
C. Writing a letter to your spouse saying goodbye to the old family, the old home and thanking them for enrichening your life, becuase it's rare a relationship didn't enrich you in some way
D. Maybe even have a "reverse" ritual where you give back your rings relieving them of their obligation to you and you to them.

Anyway, the risk of not completing your emotional divorce is, according to her (and she seemed very well researche PhD) is *that 25% of people 10 years later *are still pissed at their ex and really havne't moved on or carried it to their next marriage, which doesn't bode well.

Moral of the story - don't sleep with your ex. The fleeting orgasm isn't worth it.


----------



## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

When I was separated, I continued to have sex with my exnj. In my mind I thought it would help us in reconciling......I was wrong. In hindsight I should have cut all ties and filed for divorce the day she asked to separate, instead I wasted six months trying to save my marriage.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Why would you want to have sex with somebody who did all that he did to you? He walked out on you and your babies for somebody else. Why are you wanting him back in your bed? :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

yea I guess i think if we wants sex eventually he might change his mind about us. he hasn't asked me for sex, but I was for hoping he would for that reason.


----------

