# Back after a week vacation, really depressed about life



## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

When I was married I hated my job but I put up with it because I was supporting my family. 

Now my family is no longer and I get my kids every other week. Its hard to see the point anymore. 

Coming home from a vacation is always hard but this time its really difficult. I cannot find the motivation to continue in a job that I hate any longer. However money is more of an issue now and I feel more trapped than before.

I feel I am at a breaking point. I want and need to enjoy my life more and sometimes I really do. But today I am so very low it hurts.

I've been looking for another job for months but I don't think it will help. The grass is not greener elsewhere. I need a complete and life shattering change to make me feel useful again. 

I don't know why im posting today. I just need to type this out and get it off my mind. 

So when am I the happiest? I am happy when I am with my kids. I am happy when I am having fun with GF. I am happy when I am planning something for us to do. However the times I am unhappy seem to outweigh the times when I am not.

I know I am not alone and I am sure there are others in this same situation. I am in no way unique. 

So what can I do? I am lost right now. I want to change things and I have tried but I keep falling back into the same rut.

Oh yeah its Monday too


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Get out in the sunshine and do some moderate exercise every single day. Eat and sleep well. Try to focus on what's good in your life. Hope you feel better soon.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

without knowing your particulars, it's hard to advise.
why are you trapped?

i once had a contract job with a boss that was a horses @ss.
the money was good and the job itself was real good, but it wasn't worth it because he was
an arrogant, insufferable so and so. i dreaded even walking into work in the morning.
he pressured me into becoming an employee, but i kept saying no, so eventually he replaced me.
let me tell you.........it was worth it. even though i struggled for the next few months.

money isn't worth a crappy job.

career change?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Was your GF with you on the vacation?


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Career change might be in order.

But if the only thing you enjoy now is your GF and your kids, I am not sure how you make a career or financially support yourself with that.

You must have some other interests somewhere? Otherwise you might need some IC to help you get out of the co-dependent rut you seem to be in. Are you feeling depressed?


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> Get out in the sunshine and do some moderate exercise every single day. Eat and sleep well. Try to focus on what's good in your life. Hope you feel better soon.


I do and it does make me feel better. But I keep coming right back around to I hate my job.

Im searching for something right now... I just don't know what it is that will make me happy


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I do and it does make me feel better. But I keep coming right back around to I hate my job.
> 
> Im searching for something right now... I just don't know what it is that will make me happy


Did you like your job before the divorce?


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

jorgegene said:


> without knowing your particulars, it's hard to advise.
> why are you trapped?
> 
> i once had a contract job with a boss that was a horses @ss.
> ...



Sounds like my situation. Slowly my job has become insufferable. Yes my boss is also a giant pain in tha A$$. 

I would love to change careers. Not sure what to do though. I am trying to figure that out.

Your right money is not worth this. I would settle for mowing grass with forest gump right now.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Was your GF with you on the vacation?


Yes she was


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Tron said:


> Career change might be in order.
> 
> But if the only thing you enjoy now is your GF and your kids, I am not sure how you make a career or financially support yourself with that.
> 
> You must have some other interests somewhere? Otherwise you might need some IC to help you get out of the co-dependent rut you seem to be in. Are you feeling depressed?



Yes I do feel depressed. It starts from the drive into work and all Through out the day while watching the clock.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Did you like your job before the divorce?


No I didn't but I had my family and that is what I worked for. them! 

Now my family is not the same and I have started to wonder why I do this. Life is too short to be this unhappy for 8 hours a day.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Yes she was


It is normal to feel a low after a vacation. You had fun. With GF. It is over and now back to reality.

What are you doing for your depression? It sounds like you have depression, not just being depressed. There is a difference.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You dislike your boss but do you dislike the job duties/field you are in?

Why don't you go to a life coach or a career counselor? There are quite a few aptitude tests you could take and figure out what you could do that you would enjoy more. 

Meanwhile apply for other jobs - maybe even contact a recruiter to help you look for the right job for you. 

Taking action to make a step forward will get you dreaming and thinking positively again!


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

While we are all allowed self satisfaction and trying to enjoy what we can in our lives, sometimes it also helps to take inventory of those who have it a lot worse. 

I have no idea what you do, but read some stories of not just some of the most awful jobs in the US, but other countries as well. I know it's hard, and it isn't a cure, but sometimes a little perspective takes the edge off just a bit.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It seems that you are already applying for other jobs. If someone could wave a "magic wand"...what would your job and living situation look like?


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> It is normal to feel a low after a vacation. You had fun. With GF. It is over and now back to reality.
> 
> What are you doing for your depression? It sounds like you have depression, not just being depressed. There is a difference.


No meds. I cant stand them. Im not sure what to do. 

I hate to go back to doc they just throw drugs at me.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Herschel said:


> While we are all allowed self satisfaction and trying to enjoy what we can in our lives, sometimes it also helps to take inventory of those who have it a lot worse.
> 
> I have no idea what you do, but read some stories of not just some of the most awful jobs in the US, but other countries as well. I know it's hard, and it isn't a cure, but sometimes a little perspective takes the edge off just a bit.


I do try to do this and I am blessed. But I think I have felt this way for so long that just isn't doing it anymore. Its not about money anymore, although I have to have it. 

I am working a plan to downsize my expenses and try to find something I enjoy no matter what the pay is. But its hard. I don't know if I am being realistic or just depressed.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Corpuswife said:


> It seems that you are already applying for other jobs. If someone could wave a "magic wand"...what would your job and living situation look like?


I have asked my self this question and I don't know exactly what would make me happy.

All I can do is generalize. I know I want something where I work with positive people. I want something where I look forward to going to work. I need less stress and something out side of a cubicle.

I know I ask alot


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

OP, have you read What Color is Your Parachute? I've been unhappy in my job for some time now, and I want to make a career change, not just get a new job in the same field, and this book has been very highly recommended to me by several people. I just recently bought a copy and am going to start reading in the next couple of days.

There will always be things about your job--any job!--that you won't like, but it should never be so much that is makes you miserable day in and day out.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> OP, have you read What Color is Your Parachute? I've been unhappy in my job for some time now, and I want to make a career change, not just get a new job in the same field, and this book has been very highly recommended to me by several people. I just recently bought a copy and am going to start reading in the next couple of days.
> 
> There will always be things about your job--any job!--that you won't like, but it should never be so much that is makes you miserable day in and day out.



I will give it a look.

Yes I agree. The grass is not always greener and all jobs have bad sides. But this has gone beyond that. 

The very sound of the elevator dinging this morning brought a giant wave of "I hate this place" .

It has gone beyond just the work sucks attitude. I actually dread the thought of stepping foot in this place.

I got to change before my life is drained from me


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> No meds. I cant stand them. Im not sure what to do.
> 
> I hate to go back to doc they just throw drugs at me.


Zoloft or Welbutrin. Or be depressed. Your choice.

WHEN YOU GO to the doctor, make sure you get a med that does not affect your -cough - cough - most valuable asset. Your GF won't like that.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Zoloft or Welbutrin. Or be depressed. Your choice.
> 
> WHEN YOU GO to the doctor, make sure you get a med that does not affect your -cough - cough - most valuable asset. Your GF won't like that.



That was one problem... they did. I tried Zoloft and Lexapro.

I hated it. Your right though maybe I need to try again.

Tom


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I've been there. I was late every day and dreaded going in. But I needed a job and benefits because I was going to leave my husband. I was layed off two weeks after I left my ex, two months before Christmas with a young child. BUT four really rough months ended in a job I LOVE. That door slammed shut at a most inconvenient time but it sure made me find something else and turned out to be the best thing that ever happened - when the window opened, it opened wide. I wish that for you.

Cut out everything that isn't necessary. Hunker down for a tough stretch. But doing what you enjoy will make all of those sacrifices worth while and eventually the earnings will increase. You can always get a PT job to fill in the budgetary holes.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've been there. I was late every day and dreaded going in. But I needed a job and benefits because I was going to leave my husband. I was layed off two weeks after I left my ex, two months before Christmas with a young child. BUT four really rough months ended in a job I LOVE. That door slammed shut at a most inconvenient time but it sure made me find something else and turned out to be the best thing that ever happened - when the window opened, it opened wide. I wish that for you.
> 
> Cut out everything that isn't necessary. Hunker down for a tough stretch. But doing what you enjoy will make all of those sacrifices worth while and eventually the earnings will increase. You can always get a PT job to fill in the budgetary holes.



I work in IT. I make about 110k a year. Good money. I do not have a degree but have 25 years experience.

My bills are pretty much house/ car / SS / CS electricity cell phones etc

I have cut out all the un necessary stuff. Don't even have cable or sat any more.

I am working on paying car off
I plan on selling my house in about 5 years and will clear a good hunk of money. That money will buy another house out right with no payment.

But until then I guess I need to suffer in this job or one like it.

Im telling you greeter at walmart sounds awesome!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> That was one problem... they did. I tried Zoloft and Lexapro.
> 
> I hated it. Your right though maybe I need to try again.
> 
> Tom


Don't do it! Drugs won't solve your problem. They will only mask it. Deal with it head on and solve the problem. it is the only way to truly get better. Even if you have depression, which you may, you have identified all sorts of reason why you may be so. Don't take the easy way out. Do what is right and solve the problem, which in this case sounds like your job situation. Zoloft won't make the people you work with positive, no matter how much you take.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

This will probably be over simplifying things but are you by change a type A personality? Reason I ask is because I am and have often felt depressed after something I have planned for awhile (chirstmas, vacation or whatever) and then it finishes and back to the "real world" you go. I figured out years ago that after the event is over If don't immediately have anything to plan or look forward to that depressed me. I mean I like my job but don't love it anymore with all that has happened in the last couple of years. My life is about travel and my kids. 

Anyway....so what I have done is to immediately plan and go from one thing to another. For example we took a cruise over spring break. On the drive home I was reading a book about Ireland which is where I am going a year from now. I have found this really helps me and thought it might help you. Again apologize if I am over simplifying the problem.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Your worth in this world is not based on the job you hold. And it sounds like you are seeking a need to validate your life with a job. A job is what you do, it is NOT who you are. I honestly do not believe that your depression will magically disappear with a new person signing your paycheck.

So what does make up your life. Could it be the people you love, like your kids, your extended family, your friends. Or the efforts you make to give back to the world, however you choose to do that. Coaching, music, gardening, volunteering?

I've known some folks who respond well to medication, one friend who uses acupuncture for depression, several who have found real help with mindfulness meditation. Explore different treatments to help you find the balance you lack. Divorce is much bigger than many people realize and it can literally throw your whole world off kilter.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> This will probably be over simplifying things but are you by change a type A personality? Reason I ask is because I am and have often felt depressed after something I have planned for awhile (chirstmas, vacation or whatever) and then it finishes and back to the "real world" you go. I figured out years ago that after the event is over If don't immediately have anything to plan or look forward to that depressed me. I mean I like my job but don't love it anymore with all that has happened in the last couple of years. My life is about travel and my kids.
> 
> Anyway....so what I have done is to immediately plan and go from one thing to another. For example we took a cruise over spring break. On the drive home I was reading a book about Ireland which is where I am going a year from now. I have found this really helps me and thought it might help you. Again apologize if I am over simplifying the problem.


No that is exactly me. I plan something and once it is over and back to normal I have nothing to look forward to. I want to start planning something else but have not taken the time to do so.

This is exactly how I am


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Pluto2 said:


> Your worth in this world is not based on the job you hold. And it sounds like you are seeking a need to validate your life with a job. A job is what you do, it is NOT who you are. I honestly do not believe that your depression will magically disappear with a new person signing your paycheck.
> 
> So what does make up your life. Could it be the people you love, like your kids, your extended family, your friends. Or the efforts you make to give back to the world, however you choose to do that. Coaching, music, gardening, volunteering?
> 
> I've known some folks who respond well to medication, one friend who uses acupuncture for depression, several who have found real help with mindfulness meditation. Explore different treatments to help you find the balance you lack. Divorce is much bigger than many people realize and it can literally throw your whole world off kilter.


I agree it is not what makes me worth something but It is what is making me so unhappy now. Well it always has but now I don't feel its worth putting up with anymore.

Im just a lost person right now with no goals or direction.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> No that is exactly me. I plan something and once it is over and back to normal I have nothing to look forward to. I want to start planning something else but have not taken the time to do so.
> 
> This is exactly how I am


This will require major changes in you. I think, and obviously this is my professional opinion, that one of the worst things anyone can do is wish their life away. When you plan a trip, or something fun, and you "can't wait". All that can't waiting does for you is make you miserable during the time you aren't doing whatever it is you are going to do, and make you even more miserable when you are done. 

The issue lays within being able to enjoy the every day. Many, many people have a problem with this. Enjoying the life they are living rather than a part of their life they are anticipating. I don't think there are any specific answers like, get a hobby or watch a sport or anything. I think it is more of a mental destruction/reconstruction people need to go through. Sort of, when you wake up, it should be like you woke up for the first time ever and may never wake up again. Life is meant to be enjoyed, that is the ONLY point to life. Nothing else.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Herschel said:


> This will require major changes in you. I think, and obviously this is my professional opinion, that one of the worst things anyone can do is wish their life away. When you plan a trip, or something fun, and you "can't wait". All that can't waiting does for you is make you miserable during the time you aren't doing whatever it is you are going to do, and make you even more miserable when you are done.
> 
> The issue lays within being able to enjoy the every day. Many, many people have a problem with this. Enjoying the life they are living rather than a part of their life they are anticipating. I don't think there are any specific answers like, get a hobby or watch a sport or anything. I think it is more of a mental destruction/reconstruction people need to go through. Sort of, when you wake up, it should be like you woke up for the first time ever and may never wake up again. Life is meant to be enjoyed, that is the ONLY point to life. Nothing else.


I completely understand this. And I know this is true. I am doing that everyday. I watch the clock at work and wish my life away. 

I cant do that any longer. I have to find a way to make myself happy.

Just now sure where to start.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I completely understand this. And I know this is true. I am doing that everyday. I watch the clock at work and wish my life away.
> 
> I cant do that any longer. I have to find a way to make myself happy.
> 
> Just now sure where to start.


This is your start. Acknowledging you need a change is the first step. Making the change is the second. Maybe you need to do something crazy, like walk the appalachian trail. Maybe something simple like starting to take a karate class. Something for you to not just look forward to, but to enjoy and to continue to enjoy.


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