# I've definitely reached my breaking point! Am I wrong? Please help!!!!



## mzejones (Mar 18, 2008)

So I've been married for 5 and a half months and unfortunately about 3 weeks ago I had to ask my husband to leave. Here's the issue, my husband is an insecure control freak! Since we've been married my husband has made it common practice to accuse me of cheating, lying and act obsessively jealous. He controls everything that I do from the clothes that I wear to who I associate with outside of our relationship. We've had physical altercations and I've always forgiven him but this last incident put the icing on the cake. Three weeks ago we were arguing about somthing petty before bed and all I wanted to do was talk. The conversation escalated into a yelling match and finally I looked at him and said "I can't take it anymore, I'm done". He then proceeded to get physical with me. During this argument someone heard us from outside and called the police. They came in and seen scratches on me and instantly took him to jail. I didn't press charges but it was a wake up call. When he was released from custody he packed up his things and moved out of my house.
Since this incident we have talked and he says he wants to be with me and that he loves me and so on and so forth. He says he wants to change so that we can be happy but I'm hesitant to take him back because I don't want to get back into the same situation that I left. I mean I love him and I want to spent the rest of my life with him but not at the sake of my happiness and well being. Should I could back? I don't know what to do I just know that I do love my husband I divorce is definitely a last resort. Please help!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Most people that abuse go through the same pattern. They abuse, they promise, then they abuse again. Everytime you forgive him, take him back and don't press charges he will become more abusive and controlling because you have already proven that he can get away with it.

Ask yourself if you want this for the rest of your life and to put any possible children through this or worse.

draconis


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I agree with Drac. It is unlikely that a person like this will change. Do you really want to risk bringing children into an environment like this one? As hard as it may be, I’d annul the marriage and move on. No one deserves to be treated like this.  My best to you.


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

I agree with the above. I'd definately keep him out of my house. He's done. Three strike rule there. He needs to seek counceling and get his life sorted out. He can not be in a relationship and without him getting help I can see the police ending up at your door over and over again. If you let him back in you could end up seriously injured or worse. It is a pattern and it will continue, he can not get help with out intervention, and without him wanting to not be controlling and abusive. For you, seek a professional that can help you sort through this too. I am sure you care about him but this is not a marriage that will have a happy ending.


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## mzejones (Mar 18, 2008)

I was expecting the responses that I got and this all makes sense to me. It's just that now I'm fighting a battle within myself because I want things to be ok between us. I miss him so much and I feel like giving in.


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## Andrea (Sep 11, 2007)

mzejones said:


> I was expecting the responses that I got and this all makes sense to me. It's just that now I'm fighting a battle within myself because I want things to be ok between us. I miss him so much and I feel like giving in.


You must stay strong and make a decision like when draconis asked "Ask yourself if you want this for the rest of your life and to put any possible children through this or worse." It is so much easier to give in and hope things get better.

All he may do is hurt you over and over again and become even more controlling. How much more are you going to take before you realize that if he has done this once, he will do it again?

Nobody deserves to be treated the way your husband treats you. You deserve much better than that.


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## mzejones (Mar 18, 2008)

Trying to be strong is the story of my life right now! I have a 2 year old already and I could sense that the situation wasn't healthy for her and no matter what I feel like I want I could never put her in a bad situation. So I'm going to try to hold on and be strong because in the end God will work it out for the best. Thanks!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

mzejones said:


> Since we've been married my husband has made it common practice to accuse me of cheating, lying and act obsessively jealous. He controls everything that I do from the clothes that I wear to who I associate with outside of our relationship.


This isn't the type of behavior that will go away when he says 'sorry'. It will most likely escalate as you have seen with the most recent altercation. Please stay strong and know that being on your own with your daughter will be much more healthy for you both vs. walking on eggshells with him there not knowing when he will blow up again. He will and it will take serious professional help on his end to change, but I certainly wouldn't put myself or daughter in harms way hoping it will happen. Best of luck to you.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> I’d annul the marriage and move on.


:iagree:
Especially if you have personal issues with divorce. This sounds like a very reasonable case for annulment as it has been such a short time and certainly doesn't fit the vows of a marriage union. Start fresh and hold out for a man that will love, honor and respect both you and your daughter


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

mzejones, please stay strong for your daughter. If she sees him abusive and controlling to you, it could make her believe that she should be treated that way as well. Just think of her finding a man that controls her and is abusive to her because you let him back into your life. Think of her finding a man just like daddy to give her black eyes and treat her cruelly. Keep that in mind every time you think of letting him back into your lives. God didn't say anything about staying in a marriage when it is abusive, if you need spiritual help talk to a pastor.


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