# I Keep Falling For It. (part 2)



## rhonda1971

Good morning all!!

I had to sign in under a different username because some how I could not sign in under the other one.

Anyway, I'd like to freshen your memory, so here is my last post.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/222466-i-keep-falling.html

I did read all of the replies. however, I don't think that I was very clear. My husband has cheated on me more than once with the same woman. each time I would take him back, believing that things were going to change, but lo and behold, here comes the moods swings and he checks out. then soon enough, I'd find out that he was cheating again with this woman. I have gone through he!! with him and this woman. 

I had finally had a enough and we had been broken up for about 2 months and then we found our way back to one another. Well it didn't last long because he stayed out all night claiming that he had been apprehended by police for a few hours for questioning with something in connection with his son. I knew that was a lie but i let it go. Then, another week goes by and he stays out all night again. This time I didn't let it go. I went on and filed for divorce.

After finding out that I had done so, he really started to show his interest in me, showing me all the love that he could show me and just showering me with affection. He promised me that he and this woman was over and that he loved me and did not want a divorce. He wants to make it work between us. He said that he understands that he was the cause of all this because his affair with this woman. 

He asked me this morning what was on my mind and I told him. I told him that my biggest fear was him going back to this woman. He got so angry with me and said that he didn't think that I would every get over that, and i told him that i would if he helped my get over it. Not answering your phone and staying out all night doesn't help me get over it. He then said that he is being put under a lot of pressure because he knows that I have my finger on the button for divorce. He says that he knows if he messes up, that's it for us and he doesn't like being under that kind of pressure.

I did not like the sound of those words at all!! it sound like an f up is coming and I don't like this feeling.

what are your thoughts?

*Addition: there's more to his cheating but i'm trying to condense it as much as possible. I can assure that I have been nothing but good to this man.*


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## lenzi

rhonda1971 said:


> what are your thoughts?


Filing for divorce was the first thing you did right since you exchanged your vows.


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## SamuraiJack

unless you have children with this man, I suggest you get as far away from him as possible.
Serial cheaters rarely change their spots.


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## rhonda1971

I agree. 



SamuraiJack said:


> unless you have children with this man, I suggest you get as far away from him as possible.
> Serial cheaters rarely change their spots.


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## lovesmanis

Keep the pressure on. When he screws up, follow through. Does he do it because he knows he can get away with it?


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## clipclop2

Look, you know that you have a problem. You keep taking him back. Why is that?

He didn't love either you or the other woman. You have a lot in common with her. Does that make you fell good? He plays you both and you both take him back.

Divorce him. Get into therapy. Figure out why you would allow another person to treat you like this and do what you must to prevent it ever happening again.


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## rhonda1971

I intend to do just that!! I would love for things to work between us but if he keeps it up, I am gone!!

I believe he did think that he could keep getting away with it. But now he knows that i'm not playing. I hate to walk around with my guard up like this. but what else to do? you know?



lovesmanis said:


> Keep the pressure on. When he screws up, follow through. Does he do it because he knows he can get away with it?


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## clipclop2

He knows no such thing.


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## rhonda1971

truer words have never been spoken.



clipclop2 said:


> He knows no such thing.


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## Roselyn

This marriage is not good for you. You need to re-invent yourself and carve a happy life without this stressful scenario. He is in a long term relationship with another woman. I don't believe that he will end this relationship with her. He will continue to have this relationship with her and you. You deserve a better life, if not a peaceful one.


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## rhonda1971

you are so right!! i just keep learning that the hard way. i just posted again. i feel so ashamed 



Roselyn said:


> This marriage is not good for you. You need to re-invent yourself and carve a happy life without this stressful scenario. He is in a long term relationship with another woman. I don't believe that he will end this relationship with her. He will continue to have this relationship with her and you. You deserve a better life, if not a peaceful one.


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## clipclop2

Let's cast aside shame. It takes away your energy. You have better uses for that energy right now.

What happened?

What needs to be in place for you to accomplish a clean break? Let's formulate a plan.


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## rhonda1971

Hi clipclop2!

i posted again another thread telling what all happened. so you know that i started divorce proceedings right? there's a company that i used to have the papers drawn up for me.

the papers came in the mail and my husband was there when they came. so he started acting really strange. he was already being elusive to begin with. after all the trying and trying that he did to get back in the door, he acts this way.

i knew that he was feeling a certain way because he saw the papers. so finally last night he spoke on it and he was being really mean. basically trying to make me feel bad for starting the paperwork but it didn't work on me. he told me again, that he feels like he's under so much pressure because there is no room for error. i feel like this, if he's trying to make things work with me, why would he want to even think about messing up.

i ended up sleeping in another room because things got a little heated and i needed to rest because i was very tired. i wake up this morning and asked him if he needed my truck because he had been driving it all week and he said, "no, just leave" in a very angry voice. so i left. but to my surprise, he had left his brand new jacket in the driver's seat. i threw it in the back and a set of keys fell out. The keys had all these supermarket cards, drugstore cards and some other cards on them. i had a bad feeling about this. so tried looking up the numbers but all had to have an acct set up. so i set one up. 

1st step it asked for you to put in the first three letters of the acct holder's last name and the 13 digit store card number. i did that and wallah!! all of her info popped right up. first name, last name and address. all of which i had already.

he swore on everything and everybody that he is not involved with this woman. so why does he have her house keys with him?

i'm ashamed and hurt that i keep falling for the crap



clipclop2 said:


> Let's cast aside shame. It takes away your energy. You have better uses for that energy right now.
> 
> What happened?
> 
> What needs to be in place for you to accomplish a clean break? Let's formulate a plan.


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## lenzi

rhonda1971 said:


> i threw it in the back and a set of keys fell out. The keys had all these supermarket cards, drugstore cards and some other cards on them. i had a bad feeling about this. so tried looking up the numbers but all had to have an acct set up. so i set one up.
> 
> 1st step it asked for you to put in the first three letters of the acct holder's last name and the 13 digit store card number. i did that and wallah!! all of her info popped right up. first name, last name and address. all of which i had already.
> 
> he swore on everything and everybody that he is not involved with this woman. so why does he have her house keys with him?


Wow he's a piece of work. It's not just her house keys, he has her entire set of keys. That's really all you need to know.


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## rhonda1971

seriously!! and his nonchalant attitude towards this when i confronted him was so disgusting. i don't know what i was expecting him to say because there was nothing that he could say.

i just hate that i have to start this healing process all over again. that's the hard part. the easy part is, all i have to do now is go to the courts and file the paperwork.

clipcot2 and a very good point. the other woman and i have a lot in common. we both keep putting up with the bs. it's just good that i'm getting out now. she has been with him for 13 years.



lenzi said:


> Wow he's a piece of work. It's not just her house keys, he has her entire set of keys. That's really all you need to know.


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