# Wife could have gone to jail. Ammo for divorce?



## 5280 (Dec 10, 2015)

Married 15 years. Rocky marriage last 5. Two kids 10 and 6. We decided to split a few months ago. But Valentines day sealed the deal. I called when leaving work and my daughter answers my wife's phone crying and hysterical. Turns out she got drunk and drove the kids home (along with 3 other neighbor kids). They begged her to pull over but she didn't. Ran off the road a couple times. Almost hit another car. Somehow made it to our driveway and stopped at the gate entrance (we live on horse property down a dirt country road). Four of the kids jump out. My youngest is in the back crying. The other kids eventually tell him to jump as she starts driving down the driveway and he does. They all run to the house. She had already pulled up and passed out at the wheel. They didn't call 911 because they were too scared but couldn't get past her phone password to call anyone else. So luckily when I called they answered. I didn't call 911 because I immediately thought the kids would get taken away. So I called the neighbors (the parents of the other 3 kids) to go take care of her. They live about 3 miles away and this is actually where she drove from. (in hindsight I realize they were all drinking together more than likely) They pulled her out of the car and carried her in the house. Kids were a mess. Crying. Wife takes a few hours to come to. We talk for a couple hours about what happened. She cant remember anything. Big mess. I check her phone for any info that could help me figure out why/what and see unrelated stuff proving an affair both emotional and physical. So at this point I am done. 


We want to go to a mediator and do this amicably. I still care about her and want to remain friends. But she wants the house and hasn't worked in 10 years. She is looking for a job but not much opportunity in the country. I have no idea how she thinks she can keep the house and pay for all her animals and get a loan to pay me for half (house is paid off). I don't make much money anymore as I changed careers. If things get messy during mediation do I bring up the drinking and driving card? The kids are traumatized by that. She wants to sweep that under the rug (of course she does). I want the kids 4 days at least. I originally said 5 and for her to have them 2 days. She said she will fight me over that. I think she is going to be in for a dose of reality if she goes that route...… or is it too late to do anything about it since I never called the cops. It'll be he said/ she said? The kids word any good? My 6 yr old expresses extreme hatred for her which I understand but makes me sad. He's in therapy. I did record conversations with my wife that night and the following day about the situation. I haven't listened to them because I don't want to relive that memory. But I believe it would be admissible in court if needed?


She has said she will never drink again although I'm pretty sure that's a lie (she has lied during our whole marriage). So far she has stuck to that (unless she's drinking when she goes to see her boyfriend every weekend).

Anyways, I'm hoping to split amicably but if it does get messy and she wants to play hardball do I have an upper hand? Can kids choose who they live with or for how much time?

THanks!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Honestly..... Shame on you...you are playing with your children's lives what is it going take to call 911 and have her arrested. One of their deaths?...grow up and tell her that if you ever catch her drinking and driving you will have her arrested. Get this through your head she will not stop.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MAKE SURE you get a lawyer invovled, especially with child endangerment. You can probably use this episode as leverage for more child custody, but not sure since you didn't call 911.
Start documenting EVERYTHING - when you take care of them, when she comes home drunk (with kids or not), etc..
She is NOT your partner in this -- she is now just your kids mother.

Also, if you have the EA/PA POSOM, make sure you expose this to his gf/wife. Also, expose her cheating to your friends/family/etc. to keep her from re-writing your marital history and making YOU to look like the bad guy.

I hope you made copies of those texts and sent them someplace offsite....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Um, if you know that your wife is driving drunk with your kids in the car... you too can be arrested for contributing to their harm. 

Since you did not call 911 that night, it will most likely be impossible to use that one incident against her. If it ever happens again, call 911.

What other things has she done that her children are afraid of her?

Get a lawyer and find out what you need to do to protect your children.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

To begin FYI:
The standard evidence gathering post... takes a long time to load…..

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Good grief. Not calling 911 was about as dumb a thing as I've heard in a long time. Don't make the same mistake again.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Get a lawyer and file asap.
I got a law firm that only handles men in divorce cases. PM me if you want to know who I used. They are nationwide.
Turned out to be the best thing I could have done.
Get your kids away from her.


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## 5280 (Dec 10, 2015)

I know I made a big mistake not calling 911. It was a split decision and I made the wrong choice. Thanks for the brutal honesty.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Wow, what a nightmare. Unless this drunken episode is beyond shocking and 180 degrees out of character for her, the "drinking and driving thing" is not a CARD, it is a THREAT to the safety of your children. 

You should go for full custody and yes use the drinking/driving episode no matter how painful it is. Of course since it was not reported that may be difficult. But what if she does this again while the children are in her care and is not so lucky? You need to put the safety of the children ahead of what may or may not happen to your wife.

At this age I would NOT give the children a choice. That is not fair to them. A judge may want to talk to them or have them evaluated privately by a professional who may take what they want into consideration, but you cannot openly ask children to pick between their parents.

It sounds like YOU are the only adult here and maybe you have a pretty conflict avoidant personality, but you need to man up and grow a pair for the sake of your children.

As for the house, that's up to you. If you let her have it she'll probably lose it. If you get custody of the kids and want to be in that house, then buy her out if you can. If neither of you can afford that you may have to put the house up for sale as part of the divorce.

Stop feeling sorry for her. You don't need to be nasty to let consequences occur. If she has a problem, being bailed out may be part of it. She's having an affair. Losing her home is a natural consequence of that. 



5280 said:


> Married 15 years. Rocky marriage last 5. Two kids 10 and 6. We decided to split a few months ago. But Valentines day sealed the deal. I called when leaving work and my daughter answers my wife's phone crying and hysterical. Turns out she got drunk and drove the kids home (along with 3 other neighbor kids). They begged her to pull over but she didn't. Ran off the road a couple times. Almost hit another car. Somehow made it to our driveway and stopped at the gate entrance (we live on horse property down a dirt country road). Four of the kids jump out. My youngest is in the back crying. The other kids eventually tell him to jump as she starts driving down the driveway and he does. They all run to the house. She had already pulled up and passed out at the wheel. They didn't call 911 because they were too scared but couldn't get past her phone password to call anyone else. So luckily when I called they answered. I didn't call 911 because I immediately thought the kids would get taken away. So I called the neighbors (the parents of the other 3 kids) to go take care of her. They live about 3 miles away and this is actually where she drove from. (in hindsight I realize they were all drinking together more than likely) They pulled her out of the car and carried her in the house. Kids were a mess. Crying. Wife takes a few hours to come to. We talk for a couple hours about what happened. She cant remember anything. Big mess. I check her phone for any info that could help me figure out why/what and see unrelated stuff proving an affair both emotional and physical. So at this point I am done.
> 
> 
> We want to go to a mediator and do this amicably. I still care about her and want to remain friends. But she wants the house and hasn't worked in 10 years. She is looking for a job but not much opportunity in the country. I have no idea how she thinks she can keep the house and pay for all her animals and get a loan to pay me for half (house is paid off). I don't make much money anymore as I changed careers. If things get messy during mediation do I bring up the drinking and driving card? The kids are traumatized by that. She wants to sweep that under the rug (of course she does). I want the kids 4 days at least. I originally said 5 and for her to have them 2 days. She said she will fight me over that. I think she is going to be in for a dose of reality if she goes that route...… or is it too late to do anything about it since I never called the cops. It'll be he said/ she said? The kids word any good? My 6 yr old expresses extreme hatred for her which I understand but makes me sad. He's in therapy. I did record conversations with my wife that night and the following day about the situation. I haven't listened to them because I don't want to relive that memory. But I believe it would be admissible in court if needed?
> ...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Too bad you didnt call 911, but nothing you can do about that now. Did you document that night, besides the voice recording, did anyone get a pic of her passed out at the wheel? Does she have a drinking problem, or was this an isolated incident? I think you will have an upper hand regarding custody, she sounds irresponsible, and it sounds also like your kids would prefer to stay with you. 

She is having an affair, so she has given up her right to be with you and all the benefits that may provide. She will need to give up her animals, and probably the house... no job, no house. Too bad so sad. You need to try and get her to move out. Did you save the proof you found? Please retain an attorney ASAP.


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## Copycat (Feb 28, 2019)

I might be wrong, but it seems that you have committed a crime by not calling 911. And you still have a chance to call your local police department and report your wife to authorities so that she will never ever have a chance to kill anyone. Jesus Christ! 

If I would be a parent of other kids who were in your wife's car. What do you think I would do to your wife and you having figured this incident out?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@5280 You DO realise she will do this again and next time she might not be so lucky?

Call Crimestoppers in your area and put in an anonymous report about her drunk driving.

And make sure she gets rehab.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

That's scary. What happens when you're divorced and she drives with them while drunk on her days to have custody? You know that's likely, right? Your oldest has a few years yet (depending on your state) to ask the judge to live full-time with you but your youngest has many years to go before that's a possibility -- assuming driving drunk isn't brought up. Maybe if you tell the judge what she did it might make a difference in custody but it might not. An attorney could better address that.


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## irish925 (May 3, 2018)

Unfortunately, its going to happen again. Just hope the kids will be safe, next time call 9-1-1. IMHO, you can't do jack **** w/ it now...he said, she said crap...


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

irish925 said:


> Unfortunately, its going to happen again. Just hope the kids will be safe, next time call 9-1-1. IMHO, you can't do jack **** w/ it now...he said, she said crap...



Well, it may not necessarily by "he said/she said". If the neighbors/parents of the other kids that were endangered are willing to testify to what they saw, it becomes "she said/he said + third party outraged parents of endangered kids said". I think that the image of angry parents, irate over the danger posed to their kids, would be persuasive.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Well, it may not necessarily by "he said/she said". If the neighbors/parents of the other kids that were endangered are willing to testify to what they saw, it becomes "she said/he said + third party outraged parents of endangered kids said". I think that the image of angry parents, irate over the danger posed to their kids, would be persuasive.


Yea, but from what the OP said, his wife got drunk at the house of the other parents. Then then those parents allows their kids to get in the car with OP's drunk wife driving.

The other parents are not exactly innocent in all this.


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## habc (Aug 24, 2013)

Yes Wolfman 1968 is right Honestly, she would have needed to to caught then. Kids can say anything and it only goes so far. Does she have prior convictions? and history is huge !!! I have same kind of thing going on but im being blamed , never did anything wrong. I just have DSS involved suddenly and its crap. Any history reported is good. I have none so it it obscure


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