# I was wrong, I cant lose her!



## JustAGuy! (Sep 6, 2011)

Last week, i opened up to my wife about something that happend in our past. It was stupid that i did, but i couldnt hold on to it anymore and wish i hadnt. Basically 2 years ago, before me and her were married, i made a mistake with sleeping with this chick while i was drunk. I tried to forget about it, tried to hide it, but it has steadily haunted me until i finally just bust out and open up to her. Were married now, so i figured this was a good thing, be honest and it will be okay. WRONG, WRONG by far....my wife wants to leave me now, makes me feel horrible (which i do) every day, and wants to take my son as well. Let me give you some more back ground. 

4 years ago, she was married, fell in love with me, yes i know it was wrong, stupid, i should have known better, but it happend. Her husband then, actually cheated on her a few times....she was done with him. but I fell in love just as hard, we both deployed together (military) and got even closer, closer to where this was the girl i always wanted. Only problem was that she could divorce, couldnt let go of splitting her daughter up. SHe got pregnant, my first kid right!! well she couldnt have it, wanted an abortion because she didnt want her husband to find out. I pleaded but she went through with it.....that killed me a little inside. Time moves on and i continue to see her, she still wont divorce him, claims its just paper and it doesnt mean anything, yet every time she leaves me she goes back home to him, every night....we fight, go back and forth for a little over a year. she finally gets the divorce....the for the next year we fight, i run, she cries, i tell her i have so much anger i cant do this, she cries and pleads with me to stay, i always come back cause i do love her. eventually after attempt and attempt we stick it out and she gets pregnant again. she says she wants to have this one (she had a few miscarriages during these past few years as well) so i end up having to deploy myself, without her, i tell her i love her and things will be great.... this is when i made the mistake of sleeping with this stupid girl....i regret it and wish i could take it all back.....well my son is born, i didnt get to see it cause i was over there.....me and her fight while im out there, and i finally come home. she finds out about this girl, and the girl blabs everything to her, and shes furious...wants to leave, but we stick it out i denied having sex with her....we go up and down and back and forth some more, she wants marriage but im scared, we have been threw so much how will it last.....i keep pushing it off and we fight about it. One day we finally get married. she got orders to another place and i couldnt stand the fact of not having her in my life, so we tied the not. Now almost a year later, here we are. I admited to the past, and she wants to leave. I HATE WHO I WAS, HATE HOW I WAS, and cannot live without this girl. It has been hell but we finally got it right, we finally married, finally made it trhough it all......but she wants out, wasnt a divorce and is disgusted with me.....i plead, i beg, i promise, i do everything in my power for her to stay and she says she has so much anger and hurt that its killing her..........how do i get this to work, how do i get her to stay?? ive forgivien her for alot in the past, and i only ask why she cant forgive me?? what do i do if anything to get this to work. I cannot have her leave because i love her tooo much! please any advice on what to do!!

Undestand there has been so many ups and downs, and through it all, i love her more today than ever, and cannot fathom how life would be without her........i also dont want her to try just to run over me and run around on me...its so hard, stuipd misaktes in our past always come and haunt us...ive changed so much from who i was, young dumb running around, now a father, husband, family and i love who i am now....i cant lose this


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have either of you considered counseling/therapy to address all the stuff going on in your past and present relationships? Cause it seems you two have a big ball of mess sitting in the room with you, and you're just trying to "move on" without dealing with the actual issues.

Just my $0.02 worth, based on what you've said... But I think some from of professional intervention is required. Unfortunately, if she's not willing to re-invest herself in your marriage, you're in a bad spot.

C
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she is done wit the marriage, ther eis nothing you can do but concede.

Plead your case to her and ask her to go to counselling with you, be transparent and openly apologetic/transparent.

Ultimately though, the ball is in her court.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

So, you were the other man in her marriage? She was telling you she was 'done' with that marriage yet wouldn't get a divorce. do you think she was telling him the same thing she was telling you? 

I wonder if the marriage was over in her husbands eyes? Wonder if he was as sorry as you are now for what he had done? Curious if what he did was as bad the the version she wrote for you, the 'other man'. Was he ready to lose his family?, so after you picked up the scraps of another man's broken family... you cheated on her? 

and now you have two different children with broken families, the 2 constants in these failed families... You and infidelity.

Reap your whirlwind.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You were instrumental in destroying her first marriage, she knows that were willing to cheat with her while she was married, you proved this by cheating on her, yet you say you want to remain with her. The choice is no longer yours, all you have done is show her what a lie she has lived.

Give it time, she may choose to come back to you she may not. This is not an MC issue this is a fundamental issue of who you both are as people and what values you have chosen to hold onto in life. Did you ever apologise to her first husband for screwing his wife and making her pregnant, did you apologise to his and her parents ? What I am pointing out to you is a lack of honesty , no amount of support and guidance can help you be honest and I am guessing she is now experiencing the betrayal second time round if she is to believed the first time when she says her husband cheated on her.

Step back and give her space, she will have to decide what she wants.
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