# Am I overreacting



## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

Good evening everyone,
So I have posted on here a few times in the past and each time I have received good advice. I am now in need of some advice. I am feeling some kind of way and I want to get some advice before I react. This is the situation, Sun I received a text from my husband saying to take our dining room table and chair set down to the basement and wipe the dining room walls and window sill and mop the floors. So I did it no issue there. On Mon he texts me saying he is on his way home from work and the delivery guys are on their way. I'm thinking like he did he buy a new dining room table and chair set. Yes he did and my issue is he didn't say a word to me about buying it or thinking about buying it nothing. I had no clue. Well when the delivery guys come and set it up, it's not something I would want. I really want to say something to him but I don't want to be petty so my question is am I overreacting because I feel like he should have discussed this with me before buying it and say something to him or should I just let it go


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I certainly wouldn't let it go. Purchasing new dining room furniture is a rather major purchase. Did you ask him why he did this without consulting you? I think that's what you need to do first. Did he dislike the old set? 

See, I have problems understanding disconnects like this in marriage. Is your husband a take-charge kinda guy? Does he make other decisions without consulting you? This may be a reach, but was he hoping to surprise you with this as a gift?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Punkin said:


> Good evening everyone,
> So I have posted on here a few times in the past and each time I have received good advice. I am now in need of some advice. I am feeling some kind of way and I want to get some advice before I react. This is the situation, Sun I received a text from my husband saying to take our dining room table and chair set down to the basement and wipe the dining room walls and window sill and mop the floors. So I did it no issue there. On Mon he texts me saying he is on his way home from work and the delivery guys are on their way. I'm thinking like he did he buy a new dining room table and chair set. Yes he did and my issue is he didn't say a word to me about buying it or thinking about buying it nothing. I had no clue. Well when the delivery guys come and set it up, it's not something I would want. I really want to say something to him but I don't want to be petty so my question is am I overreacting because I feel like he should have discussed this with me before buying it and say something to him or should I just let it go


I would have a problem with this but that's because we stopped buying major items like that without consulting a long time ago. Does he normally decorate the house? Was this a Christmas present? Any chance of returning it?

I mean if he meant well and it was on sale or something where it can't be returned I might not say anything.... But to be honest you two really need to have a conversation about what kind of surprises you like.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

You're not overreacting. Furnishing a whole room without any discussion is a bot disrespectful. Unless the old one was total junk falling apart and he had asked you about going out to get a new one together and you said no a bunch of times. Then I could see just saying screw it and buying on on his own.

Edit to add, If I did this my wife might stab me, or have me committed to a mental institution because she would assume I had gone insane.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Punkin said:


> Good evening everyone,
> So I have posted on here a few times in the past and each time I have received good advice. I am now in need of some advice. I am feeling some kind of way and I want to get some advice before I react. This is the situation, Sun I received a text from my husband saying to take our dining room table and chair set down to the basement and wipe the dining room walls and window sill and mop the floors. So I did it no issue there. On Mon he texts me saying he is on his way home from work and the delivery guys are on their way. I'm thinking like he did he buy a new dining room table and chair set. Yes he did and my issue is he didn't say a word to me about buying it or thinking about buying it nothing. I had no clue. Well when the delivery guys come and set it up, it's not something I would want. I really want to say something to him but I don't want to be petty so my question is am I overreacting because I feel like he should have discussed this with me before buying it and say something to him or should I just let it go


Something big like that should always be something you choose together. In my experience women are far better at things like furnishing the home anyway.
Has he done this sort of thing before? Can it be sent back?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I can’t even imagine doing this, so no, you’re not over reacting.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s wrong to do that, and why miss out on the fun of shopping for such things together?
I’d be somewhat upset too


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Furniture purchasing should be done together IMO. It is a major purchase. Some tastes differ from others as seen here.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

In most cases, married couples should have an equal voice in how money is spent. In my case, I create a budget every month and then my wife looks it over, makes some changes, and we come to agreement on it. Then we don't spend anything that is not on that budget. If we want to make a big purchase, (in our case, anything over $100) we discuss it first and come to an agreement before proceeding. You and your husband need to talk this out and agree on how you are going to deal with your finances. Money and money fights are one of the biggest contributors to divorce so don't take this issue lightly.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Punkin said:


> Good evening everyone,
> So I have posted on here a few times in the past and each time I have received good advice. I am now in need of some advice. I am feeling some kind of way and I want to get some advice before I react. This is the situation, Sun I received a text from my husband saying to take our dining room table and chair set down to the basement and wipe the dining room walls and window sill and mop the floors. So I did it no issue there. On Mon he texts me saying he is on his way home from work and the delivery guys are on their way. I'm thinking like he did he buy a new dining room table and chair set. Yes he did and my issue is he didn't say a word to me about buying it or thinking about buying it nothing. I had no clue. Well when the delivery guys come and set it up, it's not something I would want. I really want to say something to him but I don't want to be petty so my question is am I overreacting because I feel like he should have discussed this with me before buying it and say something to him or should I just let it go


You should just calmly tell him that you wished he had talked to you about this first and together you picked it out because it doesn't suit you. if you like the old dining suit better just switch it out and let him do whatever with that one.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I would have an issue with this. Years ago, we talked about remodeling our bathroom. My husband is an all or nothing kinda guy so if he gets it stuck in his head to do something, he’ll just do it. He went out and bought a new sink, mirror, flooring, etc. without consulting me. I was NOT happy. Everything he picked was so dark. Our bathroom is small so putting dark floors, dark cabinets, etc. made the room look incredibly small. I hate it. He’s also done the same with our living room. We had taupe walls and I came home one day and he had painted all of the walls a dark grey.


Now, the basement is his ‘man room’ so I could care less how he decorates THAT. But a communal living area or communal furniture? I think that’s definitely a discussion that should be had. I’m currently redoing our entire living room because the paint color he chose was miserable and dark. BUT, we’re agreeing on everything we’re putting in there.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

_shrug_ My ex used to do that kind of stuff. She'd come home and announce that we had to move the furniture out of the living room because she'd acquired a new set. Or that the contractor would be there on Monday to put in a bathroom in the basement. Or I'd hear a chainsaw start as someone started taking out a tree from our back yard.

I'm relatively certain that she was OK with doing that stuff because she didn't really care for or respect me much. Disagreeing with her would just piss her off and she'd do it anyway. She has her own house to play with now and her bank can tell her no.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Was it a card table and folding chairs? I guess with 3 kids you have nothing else to do besides lug furniture to the basement, wash walls and floor. Your husband is inconsiderate and really needs to get over his unilateral thinking. I hope you didn't make over it like you were delighted.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

You absolutely should have been consulted. From a financial aspect and relationship aspect. I am sure that was a hefty purchase and you should have a say. 

You should use this situation as a jumping-off point to set some boundaries with financials. We discuss anything over $300-$400 depending on what it is. If the vacuum were to break tomorrow, I am not asking permission to buy a vacuum. I will buy what I need and be sensible. If I were to come home with $400 of nonsense then I would be in the doghouse. 

How dare he furnish the home without you though. That is a couple's activity.


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## jayschmoove (Dec 25, 2020)

If I may be so bold as to play devil's advocate here, would those who replied feel the same way if it were the wife who did this, as opposed to the husband? 

I'm not looking for trouble, just offering food for thought.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I know I would not feel differently. Me and my husband discuss these kind of decision. We don't even surprise each other at christmas with expensive gifts because we know there was probably a better way to spend the money. Such as let's say he bought me expensive jewelry. Great, romantic but he probably wouldn't have picked out what I would have wanted for the same money. 

Considering this is something both of them will use and see everyday it should have been discussed.

If he wanted to surprise her he could have said for Christmas I'm getting you a new table, let's go pick one out. That still would have been a surprise


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## jayschmoove (Dec 25, 2020)

Speaking as a man myself, I'll offer these perspectives:

Some men fancy themselves as king of the castle, lord of the manor who can unilaterally do anything they wish. 

Some men are relatively hapless in this area and think they may be doing their wives a favor by doing something like this.

i'm not defending either of these positions, as I don't particularly agree with either, but this is how some men think. Could your husband be one of these?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Maybe he got those off somebody's curb or somebody gave them to him. you should check receipts and see if he actually bought it or not. but I would just move it on out of there if you don't like it


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