# My wife hate where we live!



## Ricel (Jan 2, 2013)

I have been married only for one year, but i have known my wife for 6 years. She is a lovely person when u get down to it but she has been unhappy for such a long time.

We live on a Caribbean island and 2 years ago, i moved 3 hrs drive from the capital city to the second city of our island. i did this for a good paying job and she was very much against it. She hates that it is a tourist city. Anyhow for a year and a half I drove back and forth every week to see her. After some time she found a job in the second city and is now living with me. She got, a better paying job, with a better portfolio, this job is a huge step forward for her as she was very much stuck in her last job. but says she hates it and hates the city and she wants nothing to do with the place. she misses her friends and family and miss the Capital. 

We have benefited by being able to afford living in a better house, and now being able to seriously save to buy a house back in the capital which is what i want but for now we have to work in the second city until we can realise that dream.

It is very hard for her as this is the first time she has ever left home, and is extremely attached to her mom and does not like being far from her, even tho i still drive us back and forth every weekend.

She misses her friends and family, yet she says if we were to move to Canada or the US she would be happy. I don't really get it, cuz we have very few frens and family over there. it puzzles me how she can be so unhappy about a 3 hr driving distance from them, but be ok with a 3 to 5 hr plane ride. I feel so lost.

When we were dating i lived in the capital city in my family home by myself, and she lived at home with her parents. She told me we had to rent somewhere else b4 she would move in. It was not financially possible at the time so i said we would have to live at the family home for a couple of years so we can afford to buy our own home some day, and she fought with me constantly about hating that house. After i got the job, she now says she missed the old house and wishes to go back there. This makes me angry as this is a total 180 of 4 years of bashing me about living at the family house.

The Capital has more stuff to do, but the second has a good array of activities. She say she does not want to have anything to do with this place and she has no interest in wanting to know anyone or making friends.

She tells me that i took the job because i was greedy and i am a money hog. I honesty took the job cuz i want us, and the family i want to start with her to be financially secure. In the capital we were struggling to make ends meet and we were both living at home.

She told me back then how she hated her job and felt stuck answering phones and not being taken seriously. Now she is a manager , gets double the pay, and has more responsibility which she said was her dream. Now she wishes to go back even if it mean going back to the crappy job. I know she is just being emotional about it all, but all i am asking for is time, for the effort that we are putting in to pay off.

Once i even told her i would quit and move back to the capital cuz i just could not take the bashing about the second city any more. The next day she asked me about how she hopes one day we can live in a nice house cuz she does not want to live in a crappy house. It made me so angry, cuz here i am working my butt off to do the very thing to buy a nice house, and she bashes me for it.

This weekend i asked her what dreams she wants for us and she said i have given up and anything for myself cuz u have ur dream job and i have a crappy job. I hate where my life is and i hate where we live. I don't care what happens anymore. I told her that i am unhappy that she feels this way and she said y do u care now, i told u not to take the job and u know that if i don't like something i will never try at it. i know myself i will never be happy, and u know this will lead to our divorce.
I am so depressed as there is no halfway point with her on this issue.
What am i to do.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

Wow Rice.. You are in a tough spot.. Seems like you are getting conflicting emotions from her and seems she is not going to happy with most anything... Atleast there seems to be a pattern of her unhappiness. Did she ask you to not take the job you have now? If so, What were her reasons?


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## Ricel (Jan 2, 2013)

Yes i took the job 2 years ago, and we lived apart for a year and a half. I honestly was very unhappy with my last job. i worked anywhere from 50 to 70 hrs a week and we did not get to spend much time together. The pay was not allowing us the opportunity to accomplish our dreams.
I now have a high ranking position for one of the largest caribbean owned companies in the world, and it allows us to aim at buying a house, and it has opened up a lot of avenues. She begged me not to take it, but her only reason was that she did not want to be far from her mom. However i saw that we were struggling financially and there was no other option for me. My employer said i had to move for the job. I know she is very attached to her mom so i drive 3 hr with her back and forth every weekend to see her family. Her mom admits to missing her too, but her mom also says it is for the best that i had to take this job, and that her daughter move down with me to make a better future for us. 
I will admit that i took the job even when she threatened to leave me. But i am doing it for us. I am able to save 40% of my salary and we are about 1 years away from home ownership. My plan is to work here for about 5 to 6 years then move back and start a small business.
It's this pattern of unhappiness that is affecting me, and i am trying to get her to make the best of it. I invite her to VIP parties that we would ordinarily not be invited too, but my position in the organisation has made this possible. B4 we moved she complain that our lives were so plain and that we were nobodies. Now that the situation has changed its a problem. It is important to note, i don't really care about status, and rank, i know it means nothing with out someone u love to share life with. i just want to make my wife happy but it seems no matter how our lives change things just become worse.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think she sounds like a person who will find reasons to be unhappy no matter what you do. This part of your post is the main reason I say this: 

"She misses her friends and family, yet she says if we were to move to Canada or the US she would be happy. I don't really get it, cuz we have very few frens and family over there. it puzzles me how she can be so unhappy about a 3 hr driving distance from them, but be ok with a 3 to 5 hr plane ride. I feel so lost." 

If it was *really* about her mom and friends being so important, she would not think this. But it is not about that. It is about her need to feel powerful by using criticism to hurt others.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

it does appear like she has opticrectialitis... = A crappy outlook on life..


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## Ricel (Jan 2, 2013)

When will it all end, my wife and i were doing find up until tonight. She had to get some forms from the bank, and that i told her what to get. today i picked them up for her and she took the advice of some customer care person and she ended up getting the wrong form. I admit i was annoyed by the fact that i told her what to get, and argued why she couldn't have done as i asked her. she took offence and started arguing with me. We argued for about 15 mins in the car driving back to the capital then drove in total silence for 1hr. she got mad again, and asked me to stop and she would get some one to pick her up in the middle of no where. i got mad again and shouted if she was crazy. We shouted until she took her bag and hit me in the face. I know i should not have done it but, i stopped the car, grabbed her arm and hit her in the shoulder. she hit me in the face and then ran off. We have never hit each other in anger for the 6 years we have been together. she eventually got back in the car but she blames me for provoking the fight in the first place so naturally she says it is my fault. She always finds me to blame for alot of what is wrong with our relationship.
I am still very angry so i dropped her at her mom and i am over a friends house.
Is a relationship done once ppl start to get physical.


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