# Confused Husband



## Jungles21 (Sep 12, 2012)

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 10 years. Early in the new year I came home from work to a letter to say he wanted some space and time apart for a month. During this time it’s been very up and down and all I’ve heard from him it that he’s not happy but not unhappy either and he doesn’t know what he wants, is confused, doesn't love me as he should love me. I thought this was because he was going through the bereavement process (death of this father) but it turns out he was involved in an affair which started around the time he told me he wasn’t completely happy (I only found out about it since our marriage ended, I see all the signs now but thought at the the time he was depressed as it was only 6 months after his dad passed away). I don’t know how long this went on for or whether it even ended but he’s also been meeting up with other women too. 

He moved into rented accommodation, and since he was so adamant he didn’t want to be with me anymore I asked for a divorce, which he said he has no intention of doing (despite the fact that during this crisis period he told me he never wanted to get married and I bullied him into it). 

I cut contact completely 3 months ago, for myself in order to move on. Now the divorce is going through he’s emailed me saying that he’s not sure if we tried again whether it would work (is that a round about way of asking for another chance?!), how he misses me and our life together etc etc, asks how I am finding things but is still confused. He wants to meet up to talk, however we spent the first few months of this year which didn't seem to change anything. After all this time I can’t understand how he is still confused. I've spent 4 months with no contact, coming to terms with the marriage ending, I'd started thinking that maybe I'm better off, but should I hear him out? Any ideas what I should do?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jungles21 said:


> I’ve been with my husband for nearly 10 years. Early in the new year I came home from work to a letter to say he wanted some space and time apart for a month. During this time it’s been very up and down and all I’ve heard from him it that he’s not happy but not unhappy either and he doesn’t know what he wants, is confused, doesn't love me as he should love me. I thought this was because he was going through the bereavement process (death of this father) but it turns out he was involved in an affair which started around the time he told me he wasn’t completely happy (I only found out about it since our marriage ended, I see all the signs now but thought at the the time he was depressed as it was only 6 months after his dad passed away). I don’t know how long this went on for or whether it even ended but he’s also been meeting up with other women too.
> 
> He moved into rented accommodation, and since he was so adamant he didn’t want to be with me anymore I asked for a divorce, which he said he has no intention of doing (despite the fact that during this crisis period he told me he never wanted to get married and I bullied him into it).
> 
> I cut contact completely 3 months ago, for myself in order to move on. Now the divorce is going through he’s emailed me saying that he’s not sure if we tried again whether it would work (is that a round about way of asking for another chance?!), how he misses me and our life together etc etc, asks how I am finding things but is still confused. He wants to meet up to talk, however we spent the first few months of this year which didn't seem to change anything. After all this time I can’t understand how he is still confused. I've spent 4 months with no contact, coming to terms with the marriage ending, I'd started thinking that maybe I'm better off, but should I hear him out? Any ideas what I should do?


Do nothing. Full steam ahead. 

Things may not be so pleasant with the OW (other woman) and he's trying to see if you are willing to be his back-up plan. He is suddenly afraid of his future as a single man. Your "past" is comfortable to him. Since he is the one who initiated everything thus far, and you have moved on, keep on moving on.


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