# Women and the 180 questions....



## constantlywaiting (Aug 28, 2013)

I have been reading these forums for days and I have a question regarding the 180.

We have not discussed divorce recently, but the old behaviors of the past are still around. No affection, sex, he is an alcoholic, etc. I want to do the 180 and just distance myself from the relationship because I KNOW that these behaviors are not going to change.

Here is the question. As the wife do you still continue to cook supper and clean the house like normal? If you have not said to the spouse "I am considering divorce because of A,b and C, how do you not say the obligatory I love you in the morning and at night? I know that once I start with this he is going to question my about why and once I tell him the a's, b's and c's again it is going to blow up.

I don't want to fight. Been there done that, just want to distance myself the best that I can and then when I KNOW for sure that I am ready to leave, leave. I guess some of you would call me a WAW because he sits over in la la land and ignores all of the signs. But whatever.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't think anyone besides your husband (and his friends, who listen to his comments) would call you a WAW. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

constantlywaiting said:


> I have been reading these forums for days and I have a question regarding the 180.
> 
> We have not discussed divorce recently, but the old behaviors of the past are still around. No affection, sex, he is an alcoholic, etc. I want to do the 180 and just distance myself from the relationship because I KNOW that these behaviors are not going to change.
> 
> ...


Here's the thing. You are done with him. You don't want to work on it, or rather feel it is hopeless and simply wasted effort to try. It sounds like you have put work into it in the past so I don't think anyone will second guess you in that.

What you are doing is starting a process where you detach and destroy your emotions with your husband to prepare youself to leave him. Thats it-- you have already made the rational choice to end your marriage you just need to get your head fully around it. 

And I seem to detect a hint of hope or at least the need to feel like you tried everything and not just walk away. At least you "want to know for sure".

A lot of spouses have a change in heart--a sort of wake up-- once you have been served with divorce papers. Its like a bucket of cold water in the face and your husband may well respond in this way. Destroying all attachment and affection you have for him is a necessary step in coping with neglect and abuse. The problem is if you wait till then to start the divorce process, any 'come to jesus' moment he has will be too little too late.

So what I am saying is that the best thing you can do to save your marriage is to file for divorce as soon as possible. If your marriage really is over, the best thing you can do is file as soon as possible. File.

Edit:
To answer your direct question, If you are set on suffering in silence for a few extra months (like I did), I'd say you can keep doing the chores as long as the family workload is divided to your satisfaction. If not, set boundaries to fix that so you are not just being used. I don't get that vibe from you but that would be the only reason to stop doing them so long as you stay married.

Good Luck,


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I would tell you that your husbands alcoholism, like any destructive addiction, is worthy of divorcing over. I know that I would not subject myself on any woman and you should not have to subject yourself to his alcohol fueled madness. 

And no, don't cook for him. He's a big boy and he can cook for himself. You are not his slave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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