# Back from the dead....



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I was on the brink of divorce. We laughed ourselves silly reading jokes which led to sex. That was 6 months ago and we finally and I mean finally connected. Or shall I say reconnected because we both love awful jokes. We did shots of vodka which we have never had and yeah, we ****ed. Like really ****ed. It was animalistic and awesome.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

well hello... glad you are back and glad you seem to be doing a lot better.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I was on the brink of divorce. We laughed ourselves silly reading jokes which led to sex. That was 6 months ago and we finally and I mean finally connected. Or shall I say reconnected because we both love awful jokes. *We did shots of vodka which we have never had and yeah, we ****ed.* Like really ****ed. It was animalistic and awesome.




vodka goggles?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Welcome back.

'Animals strike curious poses, they feel the heat...'

Has the reconnection continued since, over the last 6 months?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Nothing like make up sex....

....as long as major issues aren't being ignored of course hehe


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

All right, at the risk of having my head bitten off, I will ask.

TRBE, I am glad to hear things are going better right now. But what about the greater scheme of things?

I couldn't find the thread from six months ago but I recall that your H basically threw some selfish fit (on your anniversary, maybe?) after you made reservations, bought a new dress, reserved a car, etc. 18 months ago, he pulled some passive-aggressive move over concert tickets that left you in tears. After each of these episodes, you were DONE.

You and him seem to go through these periods where for a while, he is a great husband, a captain of industry, an alpha male that sexes you up well ... and then a period of time where he is a selfish jerk, an inconsiderate lout, and the worst husband imaginable.

So what has changed this time?

I really hope things stay better for you guys. Is that foolish hope?

Wishing you luck....


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Convection said:


> All right, at the risk of having my head bitten off, I will ask.
> 
> TRBE, I am glad to hear things are going better right now. But what about the greater scheme of things?
> 
> ...


It might be foolish hope. We both talked about everything and I think for the first time listened. We have also been doing extensive counseling, which has helped tremendously with our communication or lack there of. The way we interact with each other is totally different now. He is a better person, as am I. I do hope it stays that way. For now though, things are so much better and we are making long term plans for many things. I think we both realized neither has been fair to one another and our half assed attempts in the past was just that. Before throwing in the towel on almost 21 years of marriage, we could focus on each other for a solid 6 months and see how we feel. I hope he is in agreement, but both of us are much calmer, happier and actually want to be with each other. It's tough because a lot of old feelings creep in but I can chose to focus on the negatives or the positives. I am chosing the later.  Thank you for your well wishes.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Well, hot damn.

That's really great to hear TRBE.

I mean that you have been back for more than 24 hours and haven't got banned ...

Great news on the marriage front too ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Laughing at the banning comment .. Hey that's really wonderful to hear.. you 2 have really been through it --come Hell or high water, managing to get through your Prime years even (God help you with his attitude)...and somehow you have remained by his side...

Now that is Love...

When I'd read your posts, I'd just think...I'd want to kill that ______, don't know how you managed to hang on...really!! ..But you'd always maintain how you loved that man!...

Just great to hear it has turned around for you & he.. you sure carried the faith!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> Welcome back.
> 
> 'Animals strike curious poses, they feel the heat...'
> 
> Has the reconnection continued since, over the last 6 months?


Yes.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Well, hot damn.
> 
> That's really great to hear TREBE.
> 
> ...


I think I know what men feel like now. Having always been the higher drive person in the relationship, regular sex now makes me calm and happy. Oddly, my lower drive husband is now high drive. He said he was always high drive but needed closeness to want sex. When we fought and acted like we did, he had zero desire for sex.....which oddly is when I wanted it the most. Validation. You can imagine how awful that was to a relationship. 

Ha, ha, about your comment Deejo. Hopefully I won't get banned anymore. I plan to stay out of politics and religion (on here). Maybe if I say something ****headed in the future I get a pass after being gone for so long? 

Thank you all so much for your love and support. I know this isn't some magic fix for our relationship and yes, I understand the fallacy of sunk cost. I used to think it was why I stuck around, but not anymore. I love him. I am not dumb however to stick around if things don't show permanent change. So far, things are good. We are both working hard on that.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Well you two just go girl!!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Laughing at the banning comment .. Hey that's really wonderful to hear.. you 2 have really been through it --come Hell or high water, managing to get through your Prime years even (God help you with his attitude)...and somehow you have remained by his side...
> 
> Now that is Love...
> 
> ...


Here's what being a member of this board has taught me. For every single thing we write, our partner could write an equal thing about us. I have not been a saint. Far from it. I have been a complete and utter ***** to him. A liar who betrayed his trust many times. That's why I am always suspicious of the posts that paint one as perfect while the other is awful. Most times it balances out. I have tried to portray myself in a not so great light in many posts and have often mentioned the awful things I have done. He is no more terrible than I am. If he came to this forum, no doubt you all would side with him. You are only hearing my side. 

It might not work out but both of us are FINALLY all in. I love him and he loves me. That is all.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Here's what being a member of this board has taught me. *For every single thing we write, our partner could write an equal thing about us. I have not been a saint. Far from it. I have been a complete and utter ***** to him. A liar who betrayed his trust many times. That's why I am always suspicious of the posts that paint one as perfect while the other is awful.*


Yep.. it's always a case of





















..when someone is incapable or just doesn't see the significance of their own shortcomings to how their actions (or non actions) contributed to the breakdown...showing some humility here.. I specifically look for this in posts...and find those posters more believable... In reality.....I'd say less than 5% of the time is one really married to a Narcissist and they are as innocent as they paint themselves.. 

Sounds you have really *owned it* ..and this has been your salvation with him...(sorry religious word, just look at it as spiritual)....Good for you...and HIM!

You were always a very articulate poster here.. NOW you will have the most valuable feedback of experiencing the brink & what it takes on our ends to turn it around.. ...if you stick around here....

I doubt you will get banned any time soon.. when things are Good, Rocking at home..it just has a calming effect on our emotions...here too....so long as old triggers don't suck you in...



> Most times it balances out. I have tried to portray myself in a not so great light in many posts and have often mentioned the awful things I have done. He is no more terrible than I am. If he came to this forum, no doubt you all would side with him. You are only hearing my side.
> 
> It might not work out but both of us are FINALLY all in. I love him and he loves me. That is all.


 Finally ALL IN...love it !


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm really pleased for you. For what you're discovering ...together.

When my husband and I started working on ourselves (and the relationship), it took me time to recognise the part I played. I haven't shared a whole lot around that. What a lightbulb moment that is when it happens and when you can communicate and listen more effectively with one another. It sounds like you're both making good progress and I'm glad you came back to share an update.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Yep.. it's always a case of
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you for your very kind words! Yup, huge red flags when somebody talks about them being perfect while their partners are awful. I have said it before and I will say it again, water reaches its own level. That is more or less true in relationships as well. It is very rare that things are so one sided. We both have hurt each other. Over the years, I have tried to speak about what I have done and the hurt I have heaped on the relationship. Yes, he was a jerk on many levels and I contributed to that. Deejo wrote something a year or so ago about "Own your ****". It took me a while (despite saying I had) but I am now. People treat you how you treat them. It is hardly surprising that when I started treating him better, I got treated better and vice versa.


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