# served on Valentine's day, please help



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

I was served w/divorce papers on valentines day along w/temp protective order attached alleging child abuse on my part. They have only heard his words, he brought up 2 things that occurred 2 years ago and were greatly altered. I did not abuse my kids. I had 30 min to gather some personal belongings and leave my home of 13 years. Husb said, before I had to leave, that he had lost control of me and if I didn't fight this we could remarry after the divorce and become a family again. He name of a couple of things that I can't bring up if I ever wanted to get back together after the divorce. He also said I would have to use his lawyers in order for this to happen. He served me with papers 6 years ago but no protective order attached then. He had tried to tell his lawyers that I abandoned them adn I had been gone for a month when I had only gone to my brothers for 2 days and returned home after that. This time he said he learned a trick from last time he served me, this protective order keeps me away and he can't ask me back. I haven't seen my kids for a week now, going crazy w/not being able to even talk to them. I have counsel, but being the one on defense is taking a toll on me. Also, once he found out I had an attorney he called me to say there would be no more communications (werent supposed to due to order) but we had been speaking and crying and still saying that we loved each other this whole time, speaking several times a day. The day he found out I had attorney he turned my phone off. Any advice from out there would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Go dark on him, and tell your lawyer to go nuclear on him. Oh, and find out if he is cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

After he turned phone off, it got dark quick. He went from "i love you, we can work this out" to "this is the last conversation we will be having" in a span of 2 hours. I probably wouldn't be able to find any cheating evidence now probably, he has shut down all contact and I can't go within 100 yards of him. Im just scared to death about the child abuse allegations and not having any contact w/my kids. He is alleging im abusive, but I am the one who is w/kids 80 percent of time with out him. he goes out of town alot during the week 2 or 3 days. If Im so bad why leave kids w/me? I dont like defense, would rather be carrying the ball.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

broken41 said:


> I was served w/divorce papers on valentines day along w/temp protective order attached alleging child abuse on my part. They have only heard his words, he brought up 2 things that occurred 2 years ago and were greatly altered. I did not abuse my kids. I had 30 min to gather some personal belongings and leave my home of 13 years


Your post is not clear so I’m going to ask some questions. Were you served in your home and made to leave your home by the police? Why did you only have 30 minutes to get your things and leave? This makes no sense. Who made you leave?

What were you accused of? What does this have to do with being served divorce papers?


broken41 said:


> Husb said, before I had to leave, that he had lost control of me


Lost control of you? What kind of control did he use to have over you that he has now lost?


broken41 said:


> and if I didn't fight this we could remarry after the divorce and become a family again.


What? Why is he divorcing you just so he can remarry you? I would not believe this line for a minute. What a crock.


broken41 said:


> He name of a couple of things that I can't bring up if I ever wanted to get back together after the divorce.


What are these things if you do not mind sharing? 


broken41 said:


> He also said I would have to use his lawyers in order for this to happen.


He is playing mind games on you. Do not use his attorney. He and his attorney will run over you and you will be left with nothing, not even your children. You can get an attorney. If you do not have money, the attorney fees will be paid out of community assets.



broken41 said:


> He served me with papers 6 years ago but no protective order attached then. He had tried to tell his lawyers that I abandoned them adn I had been gone for a month when I had only gone to my brothers for 2 days and returned home after that. This time he said he learned a trick from last time he served me, this protective order keeps me away and he can't ask me back.


Like I said he’s playing games. If he wanted a divorce he should leave, not kick you out.



broken41 said:


> I haven't seen my kids for a week now, going crazy w/not being able to even talk to them. I have counsel, but being the one on defense is taking a toll on me.


You need to get on your attorney’s case. Tell the attorney to get an emergency court hearing so that you can see your children and have them 50% of the time. And so that you can get spousal support, child support and a place to live. 
That should have been done days ago.



broken41 said:


> Also, once he found out I had an attorney he called me to say there would be no more communications (werent supposed to due to order) but we had been speaking and crying and still saying that we loved each other this whole time, speaking several times a day. The day he found out I had attorney he turned my phone off. Any advice from out there would be greatly appreciated.


Get an emergency court hearing like I said above.

Where are you living? What money do you have access to so that you can take care of yourself?

Do you have a job?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

broken41 said:


> After he turned phone off, it got dark quick. He went from "i love you, we can work this out" to "this is the last conversation we will be having" in a span of 2 hours. I probably wouldn't be able to find any cheating evidence now probably, he has shut down all contact and I can't go within 100 yards of him. Im just scared to death about the child abuse allegations and not having any contact w/my kids. He is alleging im abusive, but I am the one who is w/kids 80 percent of time with out him. he goes out of town alot during the week 2 or 3 days. If Im so bad why leave kids w/me? I dont like defense, would rather be carrying the ball.


If he travels as lot, who is taking care of the children now?

Are there any police reports to prove this abuse? Any police or social services investigation? 

If there is not independent 3rd party proof of abuse he ends up looking like a vindictive spouse trying to play games with divorce.

What state do you live in? How long have you been married. How old are your children?


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

ok, I was at home when served, 2 deputies showed up with papers and temp protective order-in texas they do that to keep peace in case of problem. I had 30 minutes because the cops wont hang around long, want u to get your stuff and get gone quick.
in protective order he alleges abuse to my 2 kids, 8 and 10 years old. he lists 2 incidents that occurred 2 years ago and were greatly altered to fit his needs. We all went out of town the weekend before I was served, had a litte getaway, like a normal family would do, i wouldn't think he would have wanted me around the kids if i was some abusive monster. No police reports, childrens services, school faculty have ever been called or came to my home for reports of abuse. married for 13 years.
He says he has lost control of me and can't get my attention that I need to make changes in my life and our business, he never mentioned going to counciling-he probably wouldn't have control of the sessions and they may see that he is a narcissicistic sociopath himself-then where would he be?
He has family that will watch them if he needs to go out of town while we are going thru this mess.
The 3 things he told me not to mention in order to run this smooth and by his numbers are, without being too specific,
one-not to do anything that would stimulate a close look at the business bookkeeping
two-not to do anything that would smudge his character
three-do not bring into this mess a friend of a relative
I have an attny that is not in his attnys firm. I looked up the one I used when he served me 7 years ago and went with him. That really pissed him off.
I am currently unemployed-I worked for him, when I was made to leave the house I took it as I was fired. I didn't receive paychecks, everything went back into the business.
I have almost no money, I am staying with good friends an hour away from my home and kids.
He wants the kids, house, business, cars, boat everything. He wants me to settle for a little payoff im sure and he gets primary custody of kids. That is why he had me made to leave.

I think I answered all your questions. Thank you for showing interest in my plight, I kinda feel like im danglin in the wind. No kids to break the silence is deafening.


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

I think back on all the times I asked him, out of the blue, "are you happy? I there anything I need to change?" He always said that he was happy, every time. I know why he didn't suggest MC or therapy, because of his wanting control of me and if you bring that kind of thing up in MC they might say that he is the one with a problem and he would absolutely flip out if any fault was actually put on him. I am going crazy not being able to see my kids. Hearing is next week to determine if protective order should be extended. My attorney needed the continuance to get his stuff together, I hired him the Thursday after valentines. When my husb called me that last time to admonish my getting an attorney not in his attorneys firm he also said that my attorney getting the continuance means another week without seeing the kids. That tore a big hole in my heart. He was loving and saying things like "we can work things out", "trust me", "we'll get through this and get remarried", then 2 hours later--BAM--after finding out I've got counsel not of his choosing, harsh words totally different tone of voice, no more "I love you and kids need you" stuff, no more contact since then. Sometimes when we would talk ( on phone only) I could hear my kids in the background and I would feel like I wasn't so far away just for those few minutes at a time. Now, nothing. I have more days to go before this hearing, I hope and pray I will get to see them then. 
Still here but slipping each day.


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

my attorney called and wanted more info from me ref my H being abusive to me and the kids and asked me to email them to him this morning. he is trying to get him to turn my phone back on and allow my parents to contact my kids since I can have no contact with them. My attorney is submitting a motion to the court today asking for these things. That was about 11:00 this morning. Im praying for good news. Anyone out there with any words of encouragement for me would be soooo
helpful. My H has the kids, his life hasn't changed. Mine is upside down.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is your attorney going to ask for interim spousal support for you? He should do that. 

What does your attorney say about ownership of the business? It's a community asset and thus you are 50% owner whether your name is on it or not. 

I think you are going to be ok about the restraining order. Since there is not record of any kind of abuse it's your word against his. assume that your attorney is asking that you be allowed to return to the family home and that if your husband wants to leave he can. Or that you get your children 50% of the time with your husband paying you both child and spousal support while the divorce is in process.

If you do not move back into the family home, then you should also ask for court permission to go to your home, unsupervised by your husband to get your things. When you do, get all of the financial records you can.


And the divorce could take a year or more to settle so you will have time to find a job.


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

Thank you for getting back with me, i needed to hear something positive. I'm in Texas so I don't know about spousal support works, we are battling this protective order at the moment. It's got more teeth than a restraining order. As far as financial records, I'm sure my H has seen that they are tucked away somewhere I can't get to them. I gave my attny the name of our accountant while we were together, and he can ask for the bank records to be subpoenad. I go on wednesday of next week for the hearing. I wish I had a clue as to what to expect.


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

I haven't spoken to my H in 5 days, since he found out I had an attorny. I broke down and called him yesterday, I was hoping to hear kids in background, no such luck there. I asked him if he was still wearing his ring, he said he was. I told him to tell the kids that I love them, he said "I don't know". I told him again to tell them ( I can't communicate with them via his BS court order). He said that I wasn't acting like a woman who loves them. Meaning I didn't have to get my own attorny, he wanted me to use one of his. I told him I couldn't just show up alone and battle these abuse allegations on my own. He just said "you didn't have to bring someone else in". He said he couldn't trust me! He is the one with the sweet words and card then less than 12 hours later im forced out of my home.

My attorny filed a counter suit that my H attny would have received yesterday I believe. It's asking for everything my H attorney asked for as far as the kids and property. In it it also asks for additional money if any experts, accoutants, auditors, computer professionals ets. have to be retained. So my H knows one of his "conditions" had been mentioned that he didn't want known. One that would keep us from ever becoming a family again.

Mine is asking for support due to my not having the marital income to keep me above water. I am also listing physical abuse to me by him in the counter suit. The hearing is next week. I just want my kids back so badly, haven't seen them in 11 days. No nothing, its killing me.


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

I got an email from my credit card co. ref my wanting to get copies of past statements. Only, I didn't request these. I called them and they said they assumed it was me and the requested items were going to be mailed to my H address. I also found out that he has racked up $12,000 in charges on this card in the last 30 days, and he never used it before. This is a card I had before we married and I added him on afterward. He just carried it around and didn't use it. I'm not worried about his getting my statements, he already has the originals from each monthly mailing anyway. I told my attny about this and he said he may be requesting them because he was served with papers by my attny demanding all statements, returns, receipts etc. And that the 12 grand worth of charges on his part we will try to get him to pay that himself. Funny thing, he was at Victorias secret 2 times 3 days after he served me with papers. What do ya'll think of that?:scratchhead:


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

I am unable to get near our kids, home, work, school etc. Court order. I don't know exactly how to go about collecting evidence without accessability. My attny has demanded his phone records in his motion for discovery, maybe that will turn up something useful. hoping so anyway, He can have all the girlfriends he wants, I just want our kids with me, not with his sociapathic ass. i have a court date this week ref the order keeping me away, I'm praying to the man upstairs that someone will see thru his BS


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

I hear ya, loud and clear. My friends are his friends, but I do have 4 big brothers, maybe I should do some recruiting. I wish I knew then what I know now, just kinda stuck my head in the sand thinking all was good.
Thanks for replies. It's comforting to know someone is out there listening (or reading).


----------



## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

broken41 said:


> I got an email from my credit card co. ref my wanting to get copies of past statements. Only, I didn't request these. I called them and they said they assumed it was me and the requested items were going to be mailed to my H address. I also found out that he has racked up $12,000 in charges on this card in the last 30 days, and he never used it before. This is a card I had before we married and I added him on afterward. He just carried it around and didn't use it. I'm not worried about his getting my statements, he already has the originals from each monthly mailing anyway. I told my attny about this and he said he may be requesting them because he was served with papers by my attny demanding all statements, returns, receipts etc. And that the 12 grand worth of charges on his part we will try to get him to pay that himself. Funny thing, he was at Victorias secret 2 times 3 days after he served me with papers. What do ya'll think of that?:scratchhead:


Obviously he's cheating. Valentine's is cheater-confrontation day, historically, so he served you in order to be with his gf and take her to Victoria's Secret on your dime. This scumbag has failed to be the person you knew, and he's been at it for some time. Look into how cheaters act and read widely here.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Broken41.

He`s not ****ing around.

I`d go dark, shore up my finances and have my lawyer as nasty as he can be about that protective order.

Those couple of things he didn`t want you to bring up might be worth bringing up now(Through your lawyer).

If your husband is bluffing then you`ll come out ahead in the end.

Stay dark.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He might be running up charges on the cc you control to prevent you from having that credit to use yourself and to hurt your credit rating. For instance as a way to stop you from paying a lawyer.

He is also looking at your cc to find out where you are staying, eating, buying etc. he is using it as a way to track you and control you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## broken41 (Feb 21, 2012)

you guys are great for hanging in there w/me. I got news.......
went to court today started at 8 am went to 6 pm. A long ass day. I am 1-2 hrs away from the home I was kicked out of, so it was an early trip for me and my witnesses. He offered up a deal, he'd drop protective order if I would agree to his visit schedule. I wanted to bring our kids w/me to where i am staying, its outside the county where the kids home is. He blew up and we went into court... all day long. In the end, the judge spoke to the kids and told my H lawyer that is was obvious that they were severely coached. Judge did not issue protective order. I have some temp spousal support coming along with funds for my attorney. The kids are staying at the family home, but I will start looking for a place in same city as my kids. My H lied about so much stuff while on the stand it was pitiful. But it didn't pan out for him. I looked at his face a couple of times, he looked pale. I almost felt sorry for him...almost. I'm sure he was panicking about the money he has to squeeze out. So it was a good day, i may actually sleep for more than 3 hours. Oh, he has to pay the cc bill he has run up and has been told not to use it by his attny. Yeah, i do think he has a 
'ho on the line, i'm just not sure which one he is tapping off of. Could be one of 5-7 women he has had on a string for a while


----------

