# EX is using the state's incompetence to delay child support



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

My divorce was final on June 18th. I learned in early July that the state needed some information from me regarding child support which I provided. I am the primary custodial parent so my wife is paying me CS. Pretty rare, eh?
Apparently, my EX also needed to provide info and that didn't occur until the end of July (I learned of this when I spoke with CS services). The state told me it will take some time for information to be gathered from the court house, etc. She couldn't give me a time frame which was frustrating. So about 10 days ago I email my EX stating that I am concerned that it make take longer than I financially would like and that she could do a direct deposit pay to my back account from hers in the meantime(which she was doing before the divorce was settled). However, she doesn't trust me that I would be honest that I received payment from her even though there are methods she could use that shows a receipt and she's aware of this.
So then I tell her I have an affidavit form that is able to keep records of CS payments made by her and a section I could have signed by a notary to send to the state CS agency if she makes payments to me for July & August. .
She emailed me tonight saying this:
*****,
_I have decided to go ahead and just make the child support payments directly to the state. It is my responsibility to the state and if they dont get my payments on time i owe them interest. I think the affidavit will just be more of a headache in the long run because it is MY responsibility to get it filled out and then I have to turn it in to the state. I appreciate you trying to figure things out. Let me know if you dont hear anything from the state by Sept 15th._
****ing brilliant. Maybe I'm wrong, but am I interpreting this as admitting the affidavit is an inconvenience to her? Headache in the long run? Wow.
She is responsible for payments, but doesn't want to take responsibility for being on-time? Where's the integrity? 
As for her argument about her responsibility and it being a "headache", I interpreted the affidavit form that it was my responsibility. Why would the state send it to me if it was intended for her??

But I'm also mad at my state's CS agency for really dragging their feet on this one because it gives my EX an excuse not to pay for the last two months.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

And yes, I'm calling my attorney in the morning.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

The state is bad about it. Its probably for the better that she make the payments thru the state, for official record, but then again, after the very first two payments I made, I got a letter saying I didnt make them. I had to call the State Attorney Generals office to make sure they had the records straight, and some lady told me that oh yeah, that was a mistake you can disregard it.

something with as much gravity and negative effects if you DO miss payments would seem to require a higher degree of record keeping by the state...

Hang in there man. She has to pay interest to the state and that will get old fast. She could opt to have it automatically deducted from her payroll which I found to be easy and convenient.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

P.S. how did you handle the community property aspect of your retirement plans? If this is too personal, you dont have to answer.

My ex had a lot more stashed away than I did, and I was entitled to half of what the difference was, which included an entirely different retirement plan in addition to the standard 401k at her job. 
It would have paid off a lot of my credit debt, and made things so much better.
But I had to weigh what mattered to her in order to make the arrangment I wanted seem palatable; which was to see my kid more than every other weekend and one day a week.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Is it possible she blew the money and doesn't have it ? Or is she just being the selfish person she always is?


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> P.S. how did you handle the community property aspect of your retirement plans? If this is too personal, you dont have to answer.
> 
> My ex had a lot more stashed away than I did, and I was entitled to half of what the difference was, which included an entirely different retirement plan in addition to the standard 401k at her job.
> It would have paid off a lot of my credit debt, and made things so much better.
> But I had to weigh what mattered to her in order to make the arrangment I wanted seem palatable; which was to see my kid more than every other weekend and one day a week.


Not personal at all. We kept our own retirement( mine was bigger so I was lucky) and split 50/50 with what we had in a money market account. She had to pay 50% of credit card debt also.
We kept our vehicles which was nice because she still owes on hers where I'm done with mine. As for the house, since it was refinanced recently and is only 5 years old, if we sold it, it would not have made a profit. So I fought to keep the house which the kids and I have remained in. She signed a quick claim deed which technically doesn't keep her out of the woods if I default on the loan, but when I do sell the house (I have till my son turns 18; that's 12 years from now) I will be able to keep any profit. I'm not much of a financial expert, but I believe she lost out financially.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Is it possible she blew the money and doesn't have it ? Or is she just being the selfish person she always is?


Ever since she left, I've been able to keep my debt and savings in check. It was in shambles ever since she started her affairs. So it's possible she has blown much of her $$. But the kids who have been staying with her this summer have reported they spend much of their time at home. Many of the promises of the YMCA horseback rides and activities paid for by my EX turned out to be broken promises. So maybe she's spent it on herself? I have no clue. But is she selfish? ABSOULTELY!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shooboomafoo said:


> The state is bad about it. Its probably for the better that she make the payments thru the state, for official record, but then again, after the very first two payments I made, I got a letter saying I didnt make them. I had to call the State Attorney Generals office to make sure they had the records straight, and some lady told me that oh yeah, that was a mistake you can disregard it.
> 
> something with as much gravity and negative effects if you DO miss payments would seem to require a higher degree of record keeping by the state...
> 
> Hang in there man. She has to pay interest to the state and that will get old fast. She could opt to have it automatically deducted from her payroll which I found to be easy and convenient.


For everyone making payments, send them registered mail, return receipt requested.

A green receipt comes back to you in the mail, hand-signed by the slugs who received the letter.

Solves many problems.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm just wondering if my EX has a valid argument or if she's taking advantage of the system's slow process. I really don't want to wait till September 15th to re-address the issue. And because she hasn't paid child support for July and now A Course, I'm probably limited to what I can do.
ugust, will she owe interest? Or because the state's CS agency dragged their feet, she's exempt? Curious.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> I'm just wondering if my EX has a valid argument or if she's taking advantage of the system's slow process. I really don't want to wait till September 15th to re-address the issue. And because she hasn't paid child support for July and now A Course, I'm probably limited to what I can do.
> ugust, will she owe interest? Or because the state's CS agency dragged their feet, she's exempt? Curious.


Ask yourself this... has there ever been a time that she doesn't take advantage of things?

what I mean is I have been reading your posts for a very long time and frankly your ex has never had a valid argument, everytime it has been her delaying avoiding and playing you, the kids, her dad, and now the state system.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I guess I'm looking for some sort of validation...which is part of my problem. I need to grow into a person who doesn't always need reassurances and does what I feel is right. Some friggin integrity.
I spoke with the CS agency just a few minutes ago and they said that I am the one who fills out the affidavit and send it to the agency, not her. Either her divorced friends fed her misinformation that she is responsible for the affidavit or that she's making up lies and excuses. LOL. It's pretty obvious isn't it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Houstondad said:


> I guess I'm looking for some sort of validation...which is part of my problem. I need to grow into a person who doesn't always need reassurances and does what I feel is right. Some friggin integrity.
> I spoke with the CS agency just a few minutes ago and they said that I am the one who fills out the affidavit and send it to the agency, not her. Either her divorced friends fed her misinformation that she is responsible for the affidavit or that she's making up lies and excuses. LOL. It's pretty obvious isn't it.


She's never done anything like that before.... right?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think it's awfully interesting that child support is her "responsibility to the state" and not to...you know...her kids. But that's hardly surprising.

As far as the payments go though, just because SHE doesn't want to discuss it until September doesn't mean you can't be the squeaky wheel with the state system to try and get things moving. I'd also ask your attorney or whoever you're dealing with at the state whether she's responsible for back payments once they get all of this set up. I find it very hard to believe that they just forgive the debt for the time between the court order and enforcement....but that does assume a bit of logic on the part of the state, lol.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm working on getting things moving. I spoke with the district clerk where my D case was handled. She said they sent the paperwork to the CS agency back on June 20th. She asked if I didn't mind that she herself call to find out what's the hold up. I gave her my blessings to call. Waiting on a call back, but I'm hopeful.
And yes, my EX is not thinking about the kids. She thinks the payments goes into my pocket or something. Totally clueless.


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