# Update on my saga



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I haven't posted here for a while and don't visit much anymore but thought I'd post an update for those that know my story. I'm back to square one.

Summary
Feb/2013 filed for divorce
Jul/2013 finally get a counter offer from her lawyer
Oct/2013 send them an counter offer
Dec/2013 my lawyer drops dead and leaves nothing for his clients
Jan/2014 her lawyer sends me a ridiculous offer to settle thinking I'm now desperate
Nov/2014 wife asks for my counter offer again (her lawyer had stopped working on the case until she paid her bill so it sat for 6 months)
Mar/2015 I think we're actually close to settling
Apr/2015 Her lawyer fires her for non-payment of bill
Apr/2015 I get a letter from the court that my divorce petition is being dropped due to inactivity

The good news is I'm still with my kids and when that happened in April I decided screw it, it's "me time" and started exercising and losing weight. Bought a motorcycle. Started doing enjoyable things alone.

I have a new plan. I'm not giving up. I want out SO badly.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

pistal said:


> Whats the new plan besides "not giving up?"


I told her I would let the divorce drop off the docket without trying to keep it on there. For now. IF she agreed to get a job, us get a home equity loan, do some much needed repairs to our home (new a/c, floors, etc.) and then list it for sale to downsize.

We're halfway through the fixing up and I'm going to ask her (this weekend probably) if I hand her a check for 70% of the proceeds on the house and we move into our own places would she do the divorce uncontested. I'll still have to pay alimony and child support but at least I'll be out without lawyers sucking me dry some more. I think when she sees she'll get enough money to keep her from having to get a job for a couple years she'll feel secure and take the offer.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

why does she need alimony can't she support herself.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

She hasn't worked in 17 years. She was supposed to go back to work when our youngest was in school full time but she "changed her mind" and still won't get a job. Florida is an alimony for life state. She'll get alimony. No doubt about that. Hopefully it will be "rehabilitative alimony" since she has a degree and could certainly work.

I just cut her off from my money this week. I'll give her a weekly allowance for gas and groceries. No more mister nice guy.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

BeachGuy said:


> She hasn't worked in 17 years. She was supposed to go back to work when our youngest was in school full time but she "changed her mind" and still won't get a job. Florida is an alimony for life state. She'll get alimony. No doubt about that. Hopefully it will be "rehabilitative alimony" since she has a degree and could certainly work.
> 
> I just cut her off from my money this week. I'll give her a weekly allowance for gas and groceries. No more mister nice guy.



"Your" money is the household money and she is entitled to it as long as you are married. Were you always so controlling with the money? If so it's no surprise your marriage failed, women don't want to be married to their "Dads" who give them an allowance.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Happilymarried25 said:


> "Your" money is the household money and she is entitled to it as long as you are married. Were you always so controlling with the money? If so it's no surprise your marriage failed, women don't want to be married to their "Dads" who give them an allowance.


You couldn't be more wrong. I was NEVER controlling with my money. We shared my income. And I can do whatever I want with money I earn. Show me a law that says it's "household" money while still married? You shouldn't make assumptions when you know nothing of my history.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Why are you still giving her any money at all?

I'm still confused as to why the court dropped the D petition simply because her attorney stopped representing her. 

In FL, do both sides need to be legally represented?

PS. HappilyMarried25 clearly has no clue regarding your story.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Happilymarried25 said:


> "Your" money is the household money and she is entitled to it..."


Lol.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Why are you still giving her any money at all?
> 
> I'm still confused as to why the court dropped the D petition simply because her attorney stopped representing her.
> 
> ...


I'm giving her money for gas and groceries. She carts our kids all over the place and does most of the food shopping.

The petition dropped due to inactivity. Just means I have to pay the $400 to re-file it when I'm ready to. And no neither side needs to be legally represented. My hope is to get her to agree to do it uncontested so we don't need lawyers or at the very least pay one just to do the paperwork.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

As I thought dangling 70% of the profits from selling the house in front of her worked. She agreed. One step closer.


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## YummyPB (Jun 25, 2009)

I can't understand women that don't work. I've been working full time for 28 years and have a 9 year old to take care of. Did you say alimony for life??? That's just stupid. I'm starting the separation process and once he finds his own place, I will have to get a 2nd job, refinance my car for a longer term and then still not have anything left! We just built our house a year ago, so I'm stuck with that payment. I'm not gaining anything whatsoever by him wanting out.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

BeachGuy said:


> You couldn't be more wrong. I was NEVER controlling with my money. We shared my income. And I can do whatever I want with money I earn. Show me a law that says it's "household" money while still married? You shouldn't make assumptions when you know nothing of my history.


I don't know your history but I'm familiar with divorce laws in Florida. In most cases where one spouse completely stops supporting the lower income earning spouse, the courts will determine back alimony to be paid. Expenses such as mortgage, utilities, car loans, and outstanding joint credit card debt, and child support payments should be continued until a separation agreement is in place. Do you have one of those already in place?


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Lila said:


> I don't know your history but I'm familiar with divorce laws in Florida. In most cases where one spouse completely stops supporting the lower income earning spouse, the courts will determine back alimony to be paid. Expenses such as mortgage, utilities, car loans, and outstanding joint credit card debt, and child support payments should be continued until a separation agreement is in place. Do you have one of those already in place?


That's called abandonment and yes, if I moved out and stopped supporting her then that's exactly what it would be. I'm not doing that. I'm still providing her a roof over here head, food, clothing...everything she needs. I'm just putting her on an allowance so she doesn't have free access to my entire paycheck.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

BeachGuy said:


> I just cut her off from my money this week. I'll give her a weekly allowance for gas and groceries. No more mister nice guy.



Just cut her off? Finally? I can't imagine why the whole thing is taking so long. Motorcycle? Not a good idea. Still married so you just added to the marital asset column.

From the time you file you should separate income to independent accounts. Then pay the generally expected household bills as you had done prior based on status quo. Reduce all luxuries to a minimum. Reduce cable to the most basic. Allow cell phones to come off the family plan as the lines come due for renewal. Reduce high speed internet to the minimum. Install lockable covers or secure controls for thermostat functions and set temperatures to a humane and comfortable level while not allowing the heat to jump to 80 in winter months or the AC to jump to 68 in the summer months. Make grocery purchases yourself. Generic brands and necessities. No bulk purchases unless it's a significant benefit. (Helps with health and weight loss also). Fill her tank as needed. 

The idea is to provide necessity, not comfort. A comfortable person has no reason to change their situation.


PS Though - Motorcycles are some awesome greatness! Wheels down, excitement up! Safe and happy riding! Make a riding friend, by them a bell, and hope to get one in return. Keep the nasty gremlins off your ride and let them make potholes.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Malpheous said:


> Just cut her off? Finally? I can't imagine why the whole thing is taking so long. Motorcycle? Not a good idea. Still married so you just added to the marital asset column.
> 
> From the time you file you should separate income to independent accounts. Then pay the generally expected household bills as you had done prior based on status quo. Reduce all luxuries to a minimum. Reduce cable to the most basic. Allow cell phones to come off the family plan as the lines come due for renewal. Reduce high speed internet to the minimum. Install lockable covers or secure controls for thermostat functions and set temperatures to a humane and comfortable level while not allowing the heat to jump to 80 in winter months or the AC to jump to 68 in the summer months. Make grocery purchases yourself. Generic brands and necessities. No bulk purchases unless it's a significant benefit. (Helps with health and weight loss also). Fill her tank as needed.
> 
> ...


Today is payday and the first one that my check goes to my personal account and she gets an allowance. Right now our finances are a tad messy but I plan to fix that this month now that I have total control.

I had a bike before and sold it before filing. During the process you aren't allowed to make any major purchases or take out new credit. My divorce petition dropped off the docket this spring so I was free to do whatever I want again. That's when I bought the bike. It wasn't a ton of money. $4K. I'll never sell it or if I do I'll trade it. I love riding. Still waiting on someone to send me a riding bell.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

Beach guy Florida is no longer a alimony for life state, last year or early this year the governor of you state nixed the lifetime alimony thing. (Saw it on the news)


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

terrence4159 said:


> Beach guy Florida is no longer a alimony for life state, last year or early this year the governor of you state nixed the lifetime alimony thing. (Saw it on the news)


** April 30th, 2015 – In a surprise twist the alimony bill appears at a dead end for 2015. The legislative session ends on May 1st and with it any chance of reviving the bill.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Two weeks this Friday since the new paycheck thing. She has $10 in her account and asked me for more money last weekend to which I said no. Still won't get a job.

My plans are progressing. Got a few more home repairs to do before putting it on the market. Most likely will do it in the spring for prime buyers season. One last Christmas as a "family". I love my house at Christmas but not the rest of the year. Lol.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

BeachGuy said:


> She has $10 in her account and asked me for more money last weekend to which I said no.


Perfect! Stay strong on this one... She'll be forced to find a job.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Won't she just get a credit card and run up debt, which you'll inherit half of if you divorce?
Just curious,
JBJ


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Won't she just get a credit card and run up debt, which you'll inherit half of if you divorce?
> Just curious,
> JBJ


If they are legally separated, I do not believe he is responsible for any debt she incurs from this point forward.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> Won't she just get a credit card and run up debt, which you'll inherit half of if you divorce?
> Just curious,
> JBJ


We have one credit card and it's not joint. My name only.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Well today is a banner day for me. She agreed to finally get this over with uncontested. My plan worked (or is working).

I continue to have things repaired in our home to prepare it for selling in the spring. Only have a couple things left but one is new carpet ($5,600!!!!) so that'll be an ordeal. I asked her Friday if she would be willing to do the divorce uncontested since she and I both had spent a year and a half talking to lawyers and were pretty close to agreement on the terms of the divorce and as I said, she just told me yes today. I can't begin to tell you how happy this makes me. I've been wanting to divorce this woman for 5 years. I feel like I could cry right now. Lol. I picked up the divorce packet at the courthouse last week and will get started on it today. I also told her there's no reason we can't get the divorce done now instead of waiting until the house sells. That way when it sells she takes her money and I take mine and we're done. I know that's why she's agreeing. She'll get a check for $60K which in her mind means she won't have to work or worry about money for awhile. And I told her I'd give her 50% of my income and she can call it whatever she wants; child support, alimony, get the hell out of my life money, whatever. But not a penny more because I knew if it went to a judge that's all she'd get. I've been told by several lawyers the court will only award half. At least where I live.

To be continued....


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Just make sure you put a time limit on what you will give her. 50% of your income after the children are gone would hurt.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am not sure that this new plan is such a great idea, So she agrees to the divorce on the promise of getting $60k when the house sells. But what if you don't sell for that much? What if her share is less than that or for that matter the whole proceeds is less than that much. Or what if she decided to get greedy and hold out for a bigger payday? What if she doesn't agree to an offer. I assume as part owner of the house she will still have to sign off on any offers.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

farsidejunky said:


> Just make sure you put a time limit on what you will give her. 50% of your income after the children are gone would hurt.


No doubt. Child support will be based on FL guidelines and part of that 50% and will end as each child turns 18. My oldest will be 18 in a year and a half and the other in 5 years.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Ynot said:


> I am not sure that this new plan is such a great idea, So she agrees to the divorce on the promise of getting $60k when the house sells. But what if you don't sell for that much? What if her share is less than that or for that matter the whole proceeds is less than that much. Or what if she decided to get greedy and hold out for a bigger payday? What if she doesn't agree to an offer. I assume as part owner of the house she will still have to sign off on any offers.


She agreed to 70% of the proceeds. I had my house appraised this year and have experience in real estate. I came within $2,000 of the banks appraisal with my own. So I have a good idea of what it should sell for in my area. I keep up with real estate sales here.

Not sure how she could get greedy. We're doing the divorce before we sell the house. After the closing we go to the bank and split the check up.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

BeachGuy said:


> She agreed to 70% of the proceeds. I had my house appraised this year and have experience in real estate. I came within $2,000 of the banks appraisal with my own. So I have a good idea of what it should sell for in my area. I keep up with real estate sales here.
> 
> Not sure how she could get greedy. We're doing the divorce before we sell the house. After the closing we go to the bank and split the check up.


I am an appraiser myself and while we try to be accurate nobody really knows what the house will sell for until it sells. Just beware that this new plan could still backfire despite whatever due diligence you may have done. Remember from what you described you are dealing with a loose cannon here.


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