# Currently separated



## jeanruthhogan (Sep 19, 2014)

So I finally did it - I moved, at least temporarily, out of my home. We have been married for seven years. This was a second marriage for both of us - looking back I married him because him and his mom kept saying we should get married. Dumb...believe me, i know. We each have a kid from a previous marriage - who have now been siblings for seven years. In all this time he has never worked full-time - always crap jobs and always part-time. I pretty much raised my step-child, always went to school meetings even when he didn't go. He is not very well liked by many people and my parents and family can't stand him. For almost two years now he has not worked - and we are beyond broke. Can't pay basic utilities to the point they keep getting shut off. I work full-time but it just isn't enough. We don't spend frivolously, so it's not like we waste money. He always complains because we never have money - yet he contributes nothing. We have had to see a new stove and fridge my parents bought me, and our dining room table...to try to make ends meet. I leave for work and he 's sleeping, I get home and he's sitting...in the same place he sits when I go to bed. 

I've talked to him and he won't listen, he won't do anything. I'm at wits end and last week finally went to my parents house. Of everyone I've talked to no one is surprised I left and have said it was over - some have said I'm an idiot for staying this long. 

Is this bad that I'm calling it quits? I know that God hates divorce and all, and I know I'm breaking my marriage vows by quitting...but I don't know what else to do. My daughter has high functioning autism and he gives her problems sometimes - and even she is okay w/ moving out..

so confused
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In addition; I have contemplated this since we got married really. I knew from the moment I married him it was a mistake. Only thing that's prevented me is; a) church, b) kids. I never really wanted to marry him but went along w/ it and am suffering with it now. His step-dad told me 3-4 years ago I needed to get out of the marriage because he was just using me for money and a baby-sitter...so...


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

It sounds like you've done all you can. Good luck!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Don't let religion rule the decision here. God may hate it but you aren't going to hell for it. I'm pretty sure God would tell your H to get off his ass.

Has he been treated for depression? It's pretty obvious that's the biggest part of the problem, though I wouldn't recommend you reconciling even if he got better since you knew from day 1 it wasn't the right decision.

If he isn't working, he should be doing everything else he can - cooking, cleaning, etc. He hasn't done everything he could. No computer? Go to the library and use the computers there to apply for jobs online. They also have the local newspaper there - he can apply for all of the jobs listed there. He can apply at every fast food place, grocery store, convenience store, heck ANY store, for a job. He is simply not motivated.

He isn't asking you for help, he isn't following through, he isn't trying to make your lives better. Instead he let you and the kids suffer, including his own. 

Use this time to get back on your feet. Where is his child's mother? It sounds like his child lived with you primarily? If he's the only one I'd apply to become guardian or call social services. He needs help and the child shouldn't have to suffer living like that. It would be nice if you could care for both of them - at least you are familiar - vs. being jerked away from everything familiar.

Best of luck.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

jeanruthhogan said:


> So I finally did it - I moved, at least temporarily, out of my home. We have been married for seven years. This was a second marriage for both of us - looking back I married him because him and his mom kept saying we should get married. Dumb...believe me, i know. We each have a kid from a previous marriage - who have now been siblings for seven years. In all this time he has never worked full-time - always crap jobs and always part-time. I pretty much raised my step-child, always went to school meetings even when he didn't go. He is not very well liked by many people and my parents and family can't stand him. For almost two years now he has not worked - and we are beyond broke. Can't pay basic utilities to the point they keep getting shut off. I work full-time but it just isn't enough. We don't spend frivolously, so it's not like we waste money. He always complains because we never have money - yet he contributes nothing. We have had to see a new stove and fridge my parents bought me, and our dining room table...to try to make ends meet. I leave for work and he 's sleeping, I get home and he's sitting...in the same place he sits when I go to bed.
> 
> I've talked to him and he won't listen, he won't do anything. I'm at wits end and last week finally went to my parents house. Of everyone I've talked to no one is surprised I left and have said it was over - some have said I'm an idiot for staying this long.
> *
> ...


Nope! Not bad at all. Sounds like its been a long time coming. Life is too short to live in this kind of misery. Very sad that you have known this was a mistake from the get-go.


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