# brother in law not working



## mistfuzz (Sep 22, 2009)

Not sure if I can explain my problem but, I NEED HELP. Me and my wife been married for the past 23 years. My family never had reunions not even on funerals. If he or she died to bad, I don't get to see them next year. Sad but true. My wife's family gather even to cheer up the kids that flunk a class or were not promoted to the next level. Anyway, she has one brother that stopped working around 1996 ( I know it was 1994 when he stop). Both my father in law and my monther in law are over 70. He makes his living out of his and hers retirament, which is about $900.00 for both ( not sure ). He ask them for money to pay insurance on his truck, gas, cigarrets, etc. He had depend on them for so long that he don't know how to pay the bills, send a letter, take direcctions, fillout a application, etc. The money he gets for the truck insurance, he takes it to the insurance office in person. He brings junk to the house the nobody likes or wants. One day my mohter in law ask him to go get cheese. He got ARTIFICIAL CHEESE that tasted baaad. His always trying to save a dime. Anyway, my inlaws were unable to pay the mortage this past July. I call the bank ask them how much was left and paid total amount ( it wasn't that much). All of my wifes brothers and sisters don't see the problem. They said he can't go to work because he takes care of them. MY WIFE IS GETTING PAID BY THE STATE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM 5 days a week. I know you will not believe me on this but, is true. He has been wearing the same underware for the past 12 to 15 years, he only have 2 or 3 pairs. When he hang them outside on the clothline they are HUGHE. At one point they were white, somehow the turn pink. His sandles are nothing but DUCT TAPE. Around the house he looks like a homless. He wears my father in laws' shirt that he got for Xmas of B-day. Everyone that is married to someone in this family, inluding my self can see it but, not my wife and her brothers and sisters. Me and my wife had arguments in the past bout him. You can't take a coke to my inlaws' house because he will get 1/2 for him. You can't take them to a restaurant because before you know it, he is on the back seat asking to which restaurant WE ARE GOING. I don't go around the bushes. I always tell them ( my inlaws) I will take you anywhere you want to go, not him.
I got to the end of my rope. Any suggestions or comments will be appreciated. I't has to bee a way to solve this problem. Is there a therapy group or some kind of phsyco-tehrapy so they can see this.
Thank you


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## 20yrs (Sep 18, 2009)

sounds like he just needs extra care - maybe a tad bit mentally handicapped and if so, there are programs that he could get involved with that would help him with work and also with finances.

The family seems to just have accepted him as he is.... could it be that he is simply an embarrassment to you?

I don't know - that was just some thoughts that came to me....:scratchhead:


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## mistfuzz (Sep 22, 2009)

You may be right. I may not like it but, is sounds right. If anyone out in the world,knows of a group that can help with this situtation or, why not? May be help me to accept the fact that he is like that and am wrong.

Thank you


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Mistfuzz, I can completely relate to your situation. I have a brother that is a lot like what you described. He has two college degrees, but has never worked a day in his life and he is in his upper fifties. He lived off our parents for years, then our mother, until he no longer had that option. It is completely maddening to me! He now lives with our co-dependant sister. He does little, other than drink alcohol all day. He claims that he is ill, however, he hasn't been to a doctor since he was fourteen or fifteen years old. Sister is an enabler and apparently falls for it, "hook, line and sinker." 

I feel little, other than disgust for the both of my dysfunctional siblings.


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