# Clear conscience?



## frustrated001 (Nov 6, 2010)

Without getting in to too many details, I am looking for some advice, if possible.

My wife and I have been married for 9 years, three kids, home, two cars, etc. Marriage was rocky at times. I wasn't always great at being emotionally available, but was good provider and husband beyond that. Of course there is always more to the story but in the interest of time...

Wife got involved in an EA about a year ago - due to as she says her need for an emotional connection that I didn't provide. No surprise here but the guy was married, a lot older, and from her own submissions, has nothing going for him. Anyway, to make a long story short, she gave the no contact notice, mostly because I caught them together at a pub, six weeks ago, and had not contacted him in that time. Then yesterday a 'friend' of hers that works with the OM said he is always asking about her etc. and wants her to call him. So she calls him and breaks the NC. I find out because I get an 'anonymous' message saying "Talked to your wife last yesterday, we were going to meet up..." thats is. Obviously from the OM trying to be vindictive.

Rightfully I am pissed and can't stand being in the same room with her right now. I just can't understand how she could throw her family away for what will amount to nothing. It makes no sense.

Two questions:

1) She has admitted, and been diagnosed, with several mental health issues (borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety) and tells me she is not thinking clearly and her judgement is off. I want to believe her and hope that she will come through the other side of this a better and healthier person. I can see she is also still in the affair fog as the script is the same as all the other threads in here.

So, should I hold on to the little hope I may have, for the sake of my kids, and for my family or run? Given what I have posted here.

2) I feel like a bit emasculated by this whole thing and feel my self confidence has been shattered.

Does it make me a weak person to stay in this and try with all that I have to keep my family together?


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

frustrated001 said:


> Without getting in to too many details, I am looking for some advice, if possible.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for 9 years, three kids, home, two cars, etc. Marriage was rocky at times. I wasn't always great at being emotionally available, but was good provider and husband beyond that. Of course there is always more to the story but in the interest of time...
> 
> ...


You realize they probably slept together already, right? Her saying that you weren't meeting her needs is just an attempt to justify and Blameshift her affair onto you! All she wants is a little strange!

Inform his wife about what's going on, or had gone on. Do you have the number of the phone that OM used when he sent the text? If you do, I'd also inform the OM's wife about this.

Like I said, chances are, they've slept together already! Perhaps it was 6 months to a year ago, I have a feeling that your wife has been lying to you, and still is lying to you. 

I would contact a good Lawyer to find out what your rights and options are.


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

frustrated001 said:


> Without getting in to too many details, I am looking for some advice, if possible.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for 9 years, three kids, home, two cars, etc. Marriage was rocky at times. I wasn't always great at being emotionally available, but was good provider and husband beyond that. Of course there is always more to the story but in the interest of time...
> 
> ...


Also, have you talked with your wife about the message that you received from the OM?


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## frustrated001 (Nov 6, 2010)

Luckily, if I can even say that in this case, there was no physical contact, that I can be sure of. If there had been I would have been gone for sure.

I did talk to my wife about the message and she was surprised that the OM had done that. She even questioned if it came from him. I think it was a little eye opening for her.

From your response, it sounds like you are saying run for the hills.


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## frustrated001 (Nov 6, 2010)

The OM is seperated from his wife and I do not see how this would be helpful to tell her - although this did occur while that were still together.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

1) Run with an option for her to repent.

2) No it does not make you weak, but only if you give up on the boundries that you have established.

The information that you are telling us is coming from whom?

She lies.

You do not know for sure of the OM's relationship with his W (no one truely knows), so I still think getting her involved (letting her know) is the best option in making it more difficult in continuing there affair. 

People are strange especially with infidelity, face it any one could have sent you that tip; his 2nd or 3rd girl friend, wife, his adult kids, coworker, and even a friend of the both of yours that really doesn't want to get involved and can't think of a better way.

Bottom line you need to be confident and strong in showing her you will not tolorate her behavior and that you will move on with out her with no problem. See if she sees you as weak she will start to "cake eat". Plus its more attractive to her when your not cring and begging and pleading. 

Make no mistake I too was weak and ripped apart and wanted to just give up, but my wife never so the fragile person, just the a guy that demanded respect and honesty and know I could find that from any one... I didnt have to take the sh*t the women I loved was giving me. Shhhs don't tell anyone but I might have if she called my bluff.

Show strength in being confident and don't be afraid of giving some real consequences for her behavior, chicks respect that.

Good luck


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