# Can't get wife to orgasm



## redryder (Jul 27, 2009)

Hi all,

I can't get my wife to orgasm. We've been married for 9 years, and I've never got her to orgasm through intercourse. We were both virgins before getting married.

I try to get plenty of foreplay in, and before penetration she is aroused and wet. I try to hold off my orgasm for as long as I can, but the most I can hold off is 90 minutes. 

I used to think the problem was me for not lasting long enough, but recently I read a survey that said average sexual intercourse was 15 mins! She says it doesn't bother her, but the problem bothers me. I know she can get orgasms from masturbation, so its not a physiological problem.


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## MissSwiss (Jul 27, 2009)

Wow 90 minutes... Not too bad :smthumbup: Oh but I do think the 15 minutes your reading about takes quickie 5 minuters into account too. I'd bet 30 min. is more the average..

OMG 9 years and no orgasm!!! Okay I'm not even sure what to say about that. Did you just find this out?

Okay you've addressed stamina but I don't think that's it all. There are many other factors that could be at play. I don't really think it's this either but I feel compelled to ask. Have you had an honest discussion with her on what she likes? Are you sure the foreplay your giving her is what she wants, is she really turned on? Have you ever played before and had her spell out what she likes for you (i.e. do you like this or this better, is this the right spot or lower etc...)? I would suggest allowing her to have some toys in bed with you, but it's probably not a good idea until she figures out how to orgasm with only you. You don't want her to get dependent on toys.

I can't speak for all women, I can only give you my 2 cents. It's don't think it's you at all, it's her. Sorry if this is TMI but after 9 years ya'll need some help! I have to actually try to orgasm. I can't just lay there during sex and it happens. But if I try I can orgasm w/in a few minutes and then multiple after. In fact I'm not satisfied and kinda disapointed unless I get 3 in everytime (more is better but 3 is minimum). But this is because I try for it and I do what gets me off. My husband helps and knows what I like, but ultimately it's up to me. I have to concentrate and really get into it to get mine. 

Your wife knows her own body and really I think it's up to her to get herself off. You can only do so much. She can orgasm masturbating so she _can_ do it and knows how to make herself orgasm. She should do this in bed and use you like she's masturbating. Sorry to say it like this but I have to be blunt. She needs to be a little more selfish in bed and get into positions that stimulate her and concentrate on herself. She needs to push pull and use you a little bit to find her sweet spot. Tell her to talk to you in bed and say exactly what she wants. If she wants you to move, not to move, slower, faster, you get the picture. Once she figures it out it will get easier. She also has to totally forget about her insecurities and have sex like she's masturbating. She can't think about what she looks like, feels like, what your thinking etc... She has to be totally focused like she is when she's masturbating. When she's playing by herself all she's thinking about is herself. If I had any advice I would tell her to be totally selfish for a while, stop thinking about you and what you want and do whatever she needs to do with you to get off. 

I would URGE you both to make her orgasming a priority. BOTH of you are seriously missing out.


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## mommyto3boys (Jul 13, 2009)

I have been married 20 years and have never orgasmed through intercourse. Although it doesn't bother me, it would be nice to have it happen but it just doesn't happen! This is a common thing for many, many women. Don't push her...I would be upset if my husband pushed me or was really disappointed by it or dwelled on it...because it just isn't happening!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I have the opposite problem, my wife is exrtremely orgasmic, she usually climaxes in 5 minutes. 

It seems you are very clitorial, have do you foreplay? play with her clit as much as possible, explore to what she likes and run with it.


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## kozzy (Jul 2, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> I have the opposite problem, my wife is exrtremely orgasmic, she usually climaxes in 5 minutes.QUOTE]
> 
> I have the same issue with my wife. While it's a nice problem to have, how do you deal with the "She's done/I'm just warming up" aspect of it?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Ameretto has solved that issue....

seems a little of that pupy makes her want it for a while longer...and more agressive. Took a while to figure it out. But it worked.

Otherwise 3 kids and weird schedules have let the quickie become the stable of our marriage.

so instead of length it has become how quick and sneaky can we be...


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

book a hotel for the weekend a good bottle of wine enjoy and explore each other !! 
if she can climax through masturbation then let her show you what hits her spot!! 
For women well me and my friends lol .. its about being totally relaxed that makes the differents and yeah sometimes the quickies are better  because they usally have a element of risk


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Interesting. 

Some women orgasm in less than five minutes through intercourse. I be suspicious she was faking it, either that or you have one hell of a foreplay technique, guys!  

Am with Mommyto3boys: Orgasm with intercourse is a rare thing in more than 60% of women. 

I think if your wife is "fine" with the way she comes, and if it isn't with intercourse, then leave her alone. 

Pressure often keeps women from having an orgasm. Peer-pressure is even worse.
Reading in magazines about how one should or should not "be" when it comes to something as individual and personal as an orgasm is depressing to some if one is not "pop" off the top orgasmic as some women claim to be.

It is rather like some women who claim "Oh, childbirth is not that painful". Well, honey, you must have a vagina nine miles wide then (just kidding....to those of you who can do childbirth "natural")

Back to subject: 

As far as coming early on in intercourse (or at all), if I did that he would never get any further. Orgasm makes me so sensitive afterwards I don't even want to be touched down there, let alone keep going on with intercourse.

And more than ONE orgasm? I would die. It is THAT big an experience...nope, one is quite enough! I could not take two or three....yikes.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yea I thought my wife was lying or faking early on in our relationship.

I wouldn't say it is like that everytime, but 75% she is, othertimes she is simply just pleasing me or letting me have my way.

Have of it is the foreplay or the flirting before hand, it can be a day long thing where I have teased her all day long until she practically can't take it anymore.

What can I say she is very orgasmic.

I've driven her to orgasm by kissing her back and neck sensually...did it for so long and so erotic she drove herself nuts, begging me to go in her, but I refused, I purposely drove her wild...having so much fun doing so.

I admit I am a very lucky man that she is orgasmic very easily and she has a high libido.

but I have inspected every inch her body often and often switch it up from quickie, to romantic, to erotic, to S&M...it is never the same or boring.

My goal has always been to get her off, not me.


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## mommyto3boys (Jul 13, 2009)

Hey Sandy, yes I have read that and although it seems to be common, I just wish I could!

It seems that women just aren't built for direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse (like me) which is what I need for it to happen....bummer. Direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse doesn't even work for me....but I can orgasm other ways.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I have only recently been able to have more then one climax durring intercourse ans usally the first is within 5/10 minutes ..then i do find i have to work through a stimulation overload for a few minutes and then im able to enjoy again


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

90 minutes of "look ma, no hands!" intercourse is not the right approach.

I'm thinking you ought to find a way to give her a reach around while you have intercourse. You know, touch the bits with your fingers.

Spooning is a good way for this.

Plus, if she is shy about you seeing her reaction, it gives her a little head space.

enjoy.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

We solved this years ago by buying her an egg vibe. She sits on top of me for a G spot org then lets the egg work her clitoris. We then expanded that to doggy, I angle downward to hit g spot while she works egg vibe, then when i'm on top I angle upward while she uses egg vibe. We then expanded to anal while she puts dildo vibe inside. I think we have about 3 egg vibes now which are the highest rated and powerful. (Space Explorer) I also buy the highest rated 9v batteries. (Duracell pro cell) my point is though, try some new things.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I usually have my first orgasm within 5-10 minutes of intercourse, or foreplay, if penetration has not occured yet. Often, I have 4 or more orgasms during our session, and NO I am NOT faking it. My H and I are very in tune to each others bodies; he told me last night he can feel it building in my body long before it happens. We have also discovered some neat things that my body can do, mainly from oral stimulation, though it did happen last night from just intercourse. Before my H, it wasn't this easy, we just really mesh well sexually. 
Change up the routine. What you've been doing isn't working, so try some of Martino's suggestions. Explore and you may hit on something that will have her climbing the walls!


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Have you checked out her "equipment"... I know that there are woman that have a really high clitoris. High enough that it is EXTREMELY difficult for it to be stimulated during intercourse. 

So it could be a part physical, part mental. After so long of not being able to orgasm during sex, she just thinks that she can't.... then she can't.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Usually my wife will O within 5 or so minutes of sex (her on top is best position for her. If she's having problems climaxing we grab a little egg vibrator and slide it in between us so it's on her clit while she grinds me. Try some vibrators for clitoral stimulation while you have sex (or before or after  Hopefully she would be up for it?


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## hitched4ever (Aug 3, 2009)

michzz said:


> 90 minutes of "look ma, no hands!" intercourse is not the right approach.


Bingo! 
Although its commendable for you to make a concerted effort to get your wife off with penile/vaginal intercourse, for many women that alone isnt going to get the job done.

She should be rubbing her clit and/or 'helping' too. Find a position where this works for her. Toys are fine too. There is no wrong way to have sex. Just relax and find what is mutually exciting to both of you.

And not to be a jerk, its not your 'job' to 'make' her cum, its hers....while you lovingly do the things she likes and desires.


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## gabejoel (Jul 8, 2009)

Most women dont get off through intercourse alone...like 80% dont.It used to bother my hubby too in the beginning, but now he gets me off with mouth or hand...and because we have changed and grown i now can have uterine orgasm's.She is not rare ,pretty common, but you should ask her to show you what she does.


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## woe_is_me (Aug 12, 2009)

gabejoel said:


> Most women dont get off through intercourse alone...like 80% dont.It used to bother my hubby too in the beginning, but now he gets me off with mouth or hand...and because we have changed and grown i now can have uterine orgasm's.She is not rare ,pretty common, but you should ask her to show you what she does.


i'm the same way. i dont remember ever really having an orgasm with intercourse. it doesnt make sex any less fun for me though. i still love sex and i love how i know my husband is getting pleasure. if i want an orgasm i have other means.


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## hopeful? (Aug 13, 2009)

i know i rarely go from intercourse. fortunately i have a hubby who loves goin down and getting me one before hand so i have no complaints. it's just really hard for some women that way. i know when he was stressin about it i never could. I never even had one until i was 21 so, while it's shocking that she hasn't, it's not unheard of either. just relax and explore


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

I dunno why, or how and as a man .. how could I be an expert?
I can say that my ex-wife only came once or twice via intercourse but my GF gets off in like 5 mins when she's on top.
For the ex we found that her sitting on my face being able to tighten her grip around my head with her thighs was amazing for her. Fo me it was excrusciating at times cause she developed pretty good thigh muscels. haha
Im assuming you've tried all the positions however.

I personally would not get too hung up on exactly "HOW" you get her there as long as you can. It would only be a problem if you can't altogether. Why would it matter?
Find out exactly what gives her the best orgasm, (oral, different positions or oral, etc) and make her cum. Then continue about yer 90 minutes and enjoy.


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

As far as I know, some women just can't get off through intercourse alone.

It was a bit of an issue with my wife for a while, until she finally told me about it (she had been faking and she was my first so how would I know?). Once she got that mental block off her chest, we went upstairs and after a little oral warmup for her, we went for it and bam Orgasm.

So it could be a mental block, or it could be that she needs some manual assistance. See if shes willing to let you manually stimulate her, or have her stimulate herself during intercourse.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Yeah I've always heard that only about 75% of women orgasm through intercourse. If she hasn't got there after 90 minutes it ain't gonna happen by itself. Try the egg vibrator (or other vibrator) while having sex, it could be a whole new experience for her!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> I was reading an an article the other week and it said that 70% of women don't reach orgasm through intercourse alone and need an additional form of stimulation to achieve an O, and who knows what the real figure actually is as I imagine a lot of women may say that they do when they don't through fear of feeling like a failure.


Why is it so important if she orgasms via intercourse? 
Not saying you wont find the way, but if you dont, just work on the ways that she can and perfect them!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> Cos it feels:FIREdevil:


argh...


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Star said:


> Cos it feels:FIREdevil:


:iagree: 

I know I want to cum while having intercourse. Even though there are other ways to get me there they just doesn't compare...


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

Also, by the time 90 minutes rolls around, I would think she would likely be pretty sore and that would make an O all but impossible.


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## XMR (Oct 7, 2010)

I have been married for 13 years and the wife and i use to be very sexualy active now its once a week or a month or maybe a few months im 33 and she is 42 she says she has no drive and that sex does nothing for her she clames she has never got off from no guy even me , i have tried or whole marrage to get her to orgasm but i have failed at every attempt i feel if she gets the BIG O then the sex drive will kick back in . i feel sex with my wife is a connection of heart and soul she thinks its just a get off for me , i use sex to become closer to my wife maybe i am wronge how can i pleasur my wife sexualy and emotionaly and get her the Big O ?


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

i dont think this is new, coz i read somewhere that some ladies will not achieve orgasm through intercourse. take my wife for instance, u can spend ours penetrating her and she wont feel the slightest urge to orgasm, but give her a good licking the most i will need is just 10 minutes for the 1st O


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

XMR, does she like you to just massage or caress her in a non-sexual way? Do you guys talk, take walks or any activity together, do nice things for each other? Does each of you feel loved and respected by the other?


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

redryder 

Hi

She will learn it. Women learn it- it is not instinctive for them. SHe may not be interested after intercourse has started. Some women just want the closeness not necessarily the O. IT is good that you want to give it to her but remember she may not want it after the fact. 

Guys are instinctive when it comes to orgasm. 

she needs to learn her body and her feelings sexual an otherwise and then she can learn it to find it

Judith


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