# Please tell me I can do this, I can be strong, and I don't need him



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

as you know from my other posts, I was a mess the past couple of days. So finally, I had the best night's sleep I have had since this happened last night. Me and the girls are at a friend's house where it is warm and there is power. 

Oddly, he has been contacting me more often suddenly- he has been out of the house for a week today. Oh his contact is under the guise of are you guys ok? But it started to piss me off because honestly, if you GAVE a **** if we were ok, you'd have stayed and worked on the marriage as I offered right?? You would have thought about what long term cheating would DO do your family, and you would be remorseful and trying to do the right thing. 

He is still being a cake eater isn't he? He has his sex and his obligation free girlfriend, and he is trying to still have the feeling he has a family? Well, news f%%^g flash... he doesn't-- he screwed THAT up. 

So this morning, he texted me to tell me condo still has no power... yesterday I would have thanked him, today, I read it and put down my phone.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Lisa, you are seeing him now for what he is and what he needs. He needs you to show that you need him and will not hold him accountable for his actions. If you continue to do that you are feeding the animal that you dislike and he is using you for that emotional rub of being the strong family man who is there for his daughters when he is really not.

Hope you have a good day and stay strong.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

rrrbbbttt said:


> Lisa, you are seeing him now for what he is and what he needs. He needs you to show that you need him and will not hold him accountable for his actions. If you continue to do that you are feeding the animal that you dislike and he is using you for that emotional rub of being the strong family man who is there for his daughters when he is really not.
> 
> Hope you have a good day and stay strong.


And he has still been using our joint checking account to buy things... so today, the account will be closed. I had to leave a little money in there because I had some bills coming out... but not anymore... on my list today is going to the bank and taking care of that problem.


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## FML2011 (Sep 21, 2011)

You can do this. The first week for me was the hardest, but day by day, it got a little easier. Also, the more I exposed him and his actions to family and friends - the easier it became. It was like with every person I told, a little more weight came off my shoulders. It's been 3 weeks today that I asked him to leave and I'm feeling so much stronger.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

This forum is so helpful too. I am going black on him... see how he likes not being able to eat cake.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

You can do this. You can be strong. You don't need him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You don't need him, you can do this. But you need heat. Can you get it?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> You don't need him, you can do this. But you need heat. Can you get it?


We stayed with a friend last night. There is still no heat or power in my condo. So, I am taking my youngest for skating practice, then we are buying kitty supplies (we are buying a ragdoll kitten... buttface never let us have any pets) and then I am going to the bank to cut off the last of my money to him. If there is still no heat, we will come back here, long drive but what can I do?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oooh!!! We had a ragdoll!! She was an awesome cat


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Oooh!!! We had a ragdoll!! She was an awesome cat


And I figured, when I finally have to let him take the girls overnight (which I am fighting right now since he lives with OW), I will have something warm and fuzzy to keep me company. I love kitties.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Considered shelter cat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Considered shelter cat?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have, and the last two shelter cats I had (pre-marriage) had health problems etc. And I am doing something (an indulgence) that never would have been allowed in the marriage to make ME feel good


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Cool, enjoy the kitty
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

you can do this! you will be okay!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi lisa ~

Hang in there! You ARE strong. You DON"T need him. Everything you need is in YOU! It always has been, even when you were with him, and it always will be, even without him. 

_“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."_

Here's your anthem. Remember this song?

I Will Survive - YouTube

_“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.”_

Thinking of you and praying for you and your girls everyday.

God Bless.


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## UnwarrantedParanoia (Sep 1, 2011)

Yes, listening to songs is a great help.

Lisa, Every day you WILL be stronger! Listen to Sara Evan's " A little bit stronger" over and over until you no longer cry with its lyrics. It helped me realize that with or without him, I would be okay.

"And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking, that you could ever change."

"I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself I'll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."


Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger - YouTube


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I remember one of the first posts I read from you. It was a while ago. Maybe stressing over feeling like the decision to sell the house, and what to do, was one that you were making alone in so many ways. Doing the research, comparing, dealing with his harsh replies every time you asked a question. And then, handling the job and your children's busy schedule mostly alone. Then came the move. Almost alone, or AA. How about the homework with the kids - AA

Of course you can do this. You already have been to a large degree. And it sounds like you'll do it well.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Halien said:


> I remember one of the first posts I read from you. It was a while ago. Maybe stressing over feeling like the decision to sell the house, and what to do, was one that you were making alone in so many ways. Doing the research, comparing, dealing with his harsh replies every time you asked a question. And then, handling the job and your children's busy schedule mostly alone. Then came the move. Almost alone, or AA. How about the homework with the kids - AA
> 
> Of course you can do this. You already have been to a large degree. And it sounds like you'll do it well.


But somehow, even though he is a complete asshat, I felt like he was there... maybe I am just so used to having someone, I don't know.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

You can do this. You pretty much have been doing this by yourself even with him in the house. Just think of it as one less LOUD unappreciative mouth to feed.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

It sounds like you are indeed being strong and following your logic instead of your feelings. You can definitely get through this!!


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