# Sex life after seperation, question?



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I have a question I would like to ask you ladies. I really think you ladies are more qualified to answer this question then the males here. But you guys may add you input as well. 

I have recently separated from my husband. I may or may not be going back to him. That has yet to be determined. My question is a sexual one. I am looking to see if anyone else has done anything similar or had similar thoughts of this. 

During the time that my husband and I were married I never had an "O" during PIV. Now I know PIV only doesn't lead to "O"s usually. But even with clitoral stimulation once PIV begins.... ZIPPO, NOTHING. I do not know if that is because of my husbands lack of ability or my lack of ability. I do know how ever tht if I do not know what it is like to have an "O" through PIV then there is no way to explain to him how to do it. I don't even know what I am looking for to be able to tell him. 

Since I am now on my own (well me and the kids) I have considered buying a vibrator. I am LD as it is, but nothing like a great "O" to make a LD person into a HD person. Anyway I am not looking for that to happen. It seems odd to me that once PIV starts everything else stops. My husband can continue the clitoral stimulation or I can, but once we start going PIV something changes. The direction I suppose and then the feeling starts to die and it is gone. I just want to know more about what I need, and what sensations are OK. I need to know what I need in order to tell my next prospective lover weather it be my husband someday or a new mate someday. 

Any of you have similar experiences? I do not and have never felt comfortable doing this in front of my husband. So now that I am alone it might be a good time to learn some new tricks. I am leary of getting a vibrator because I do not want to gain a dependence on it. That has already happened with a different toy. Not a traditional vibrator but a clitoral simulator of sorts. With out it "O" will NOT be happening. I certainly don't want that to happen.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Ok. Male here. First response 

Yeah, baby. Do what you need to do to experiment. Find your groove. No ones going to judge you. And if you discover yourself. You'll be on a better position to tell your partner your needs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Check your PMs. I sent you some thing that I hope will help.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I have never used a vibrator, but I'm curious about it. I would never buy one now since I'm married and I think my husband wouldn't understand why I would need one since I have him. I would rather be with him than a vibrator. If I were alone I would seriously think about getting one.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I have purchased other toys to use in the bedroom to help along things in the bedroom. My husband didn't get jealous. He kinda liked the addition to the bedroom activities. With out that addition having and "O" was completely impossible. Though I did have performance anxiety with him around so it was not really gonna happen anyway. If was more for after the fact, to get my needs met after we were done. It only made him jealous when I used it with out him being present. In the past he has suggested I get a vibrator so he could watch em use it, which is different then why I wanted to get one, so I never did. I will have performance anxiety with that to I am sure. But alone, that may be a different story. I just want to learn what I need to experience and feel so that I can better give directions about what I need, since me having an "O" seem to be so important to him.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I have done some shopping around. I have found out things I didn't know. Did you know dildo's don't do anything. They are just the shape of what you need. Vibrators do stuff and require batteries. Very interesting. Just to be clear I am not trying to get this removed, or get banned. I really honestly want help figuring out what I need. Does anyone who uses either of these items have a preference. Why do YOU prefer what you do. Before I make a purchase I just kinda wanna know what others have found helpful.


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## James7936 (Nov 21, 2015)

Big Mama,

If you're open minded, then there is a method that your husband can do that will awaken your V, you will definitely experience the big "O". It just that your husband or another man if you decide not to rekindle your relationship with your husband has to be open for a change and try new sex method for this to happen. It would be preferred that I would share this information with your husband or the next man who will be intimate with you, so that you'll learn something new from your body. And no I'm not selling anything, its free information. Sometimes when a woman hears on how he's going to use a new sex method, women at times can put up resistance and don't want the man to try anything, its a lot better for her to go with the flow and let the man take charge.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

I know a few things about lack of O's and performance anxiety...

Look for a rabbit style vibrator. This will let you play around with PIV + stimulation. Experiment and see what feels good to you.

Take this time to get to know your body and its reactions. That performance anxiety is a real libido killer... you need some freedom to relax and explore. Once you become more comfortable with yourself, the O's will come easier and you'll start to learn some flexibility in how you have them.

I could never get there through PIV, or through almost anything else I didn't do myself. And because I felt anxious about that, it was harder for me to explore and learn inside my marriage. When we separated, I played by myself for a while and figured a few things out. Now that I'm sexually active again, I'm actually able to climax about half the time!

Buy a toy and learn to use it. Do it for yourself and for your own pleasure. And seriously... try a rabbit! (They're also called clitoral vibrators)


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Any fantasies? Sometimes tapping into those can improve your O experience a lot. Plus, once you know what you actually like, you'll be better equipped to explore orgasms with someone else.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

No. I really don't go there mentally. Just not something I have ever gotten into. But thinks for the suggestion.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I used to be kind of the same way. After some clitoral stimulation, if we then went PIV I had nothing happening. For me, I had to start fantasizing. Now, if we're say in the spooning position, we can have PIV and I can use the vibrator externally and get off that way. Fantasies are the only way I can come now. Otherwise I'm just laying there and nothings going anywhere fast.


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