# Loneliness



## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

I apologize if this subject has been talked about a lot in this area, but I'm really struggling and just need to connect with someone regarding my personal situation. 

I've been separated from my STBXH for over two years and while the break from his extreme moods, harsh and cutting comments, and unpredictable rages is relieving, the extreme loneliness I'm enduring is quite difficult. Weekends are especially rough when I'm not at work. My big weekend events are to go grocery shopping and wander Costco just so I can be around other people.

My teenage son lives with me but he has no interest in interacting with me. When he's home he's usually in his room with friends or watching t.v. and hanging out online. I do understand he does not want to hang around his mom at this age, so I don't have any harsh feelings toward him.

I don't have an interest in dating right now, and maybe not ever again. I've looked a lot at online sites but I don't want to deal with weeding through the BS that's out there. I would love to forge friendships but I'm not sure where to start at my age (early 50's). And honestly, the real issue is that even with friendships, I'm still faced with being alone most of the time and possibly for the rest of my life. And it's not really that I mind being alone so much as I miss the connection of having someone to talk to and someone who cares. Yeah, that's it... someone who cares.

And then I wonder.... what the hell? It all seems like a struggle and fight to have meaningful relationships that actually appear to be elusive and unattainable at this stage of the game. I see others with friends, mates and/or their families and I feel like life is punishing me for something or that I'm not worthy of having such a basic need fulfilled.

Crap, this loneliness stuff sucks.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

This stage in the game is still really early. I know quite a few people 50-55 recently divorced and out enjoying everything they can get out of life. It is definitely a personality issue. Socially driven people will meet other people easily. Being more of a wallflower isn't necessarily bad because at least you are making the choice of whether or not to meet other people. You've got another 20+ years to either be alone or find some people you can bond with. That's a really long time. I'm also quite Sure there is some guy out there looking just for a companion and would be pleased if it was you. My GF whom I met 4 months ago thought she would never feel this way again after her husband left a couple years ago. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

My dad and mom split in 1982. He is still by himself. He is lonely but has no ambition to find someone. I suppose in the early 80's there wasn't many ways to meet people. Don't be like my dad... he also lost most of his social interaction skills. He is 72 now.

These days it is completely different.

Meet-up is a great way to find a group of like minded people and do events you enjoy. It is not for dating but who knows.. you might meet someone at an event.

For dating sites I would avoid Plenty of Fish (POF.com). It is full of creeps and people with nasty agendas. I have gone on a few dates from there and none of them working out. I will say that I do have a friend that weeded through the crap and found an amazing lady that he did marry.

If you become serious about dating I would recommend Match.com. Answer all the questions truthfully and honestly and you get a great selection of people. And because they pay money for it.. they are serious about find someone. I also have a friend who met someone wonderful on match and she said it was worth every dime she put in.

E-harmony doesn't allow you to browse. It only give you matches to the questions you answer. That is not very good if you don't find anyone attractive that is in your list.

There is no reason to be lonely on weekends. 

If your son doesn't want to interact then leaving him home and hit the town at an event on meetup.com.

I get daily messages from that site with all sorts of events near where I live.

get out there an live


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Doing volunteer work is also a great way to meet all sorts of interesting people. I take a shift most Saturday afternoons at a nearby food pantry that serves needy families in our community. Bagging produce, stocking shelves, etc. It is fun, we listen to loud rock music and joke around. Plus you get out of your head and make a contribution to helping someone in need -- no better way to stay humble, grateful for all the positives in our lives.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Yeah , it's a huge thing for me right now to , my d lives with x , l'm stuck out on our 1 ac place alone. Can't get anyone in to share either really because l need the place free for when my d comes - w/es , holidays , some w/days.
l've got a tiny bit of extra money now so l wanna at least get out a bit more , maybe go play some pool or somem.
Getting a canoe to , big lake near here.
I really miss some female company -even though l still hate most of them right now  , but I wouldn't wanna go into any relationship stuff , haven't even sorted the old one out fully yet even if that's just a peace .
No guys round here l relate to much , it's a bit rural for me.
Totally sh1tting myself about the future though. Don't wanna be alone my whole life but no faith in marriage or the modern girl anymore. And then l always have been pretty wrestless too , 1/2 gypsy 
At the end of the day though , l feel as if my marriage failed then another one hasn't got a hope.
Add the 75% thing of 2nds failing anyway- not exactly inspiring !
My dads mate had a really special marriage but she died in his 40s. He never remarried , l always wondered why , like once he was over all that.
In a way l'd hate to end up like that.

The girls love me but hey that still doesn't mean the right ones gonna does it ? Or that I'd even find her . And then you have the 75% thing.
Friends and stuff , well the last 6yrs have been that hard and in a new area that l didn't fit into anyway , never bothered and now this so- not lookin good right now.
l'm really feeling the loneliness through the wk lately , l even work at home - alone - l'm doomed


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## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

Thanks everyone, for your replies and wonderful suggestions. Yes, I've been to Meetups, and yes I still peruse the Meetup site for possibilities. And while I have not volunteered at a food panty or similar establishment, I will consider it. 

Really though, what I'm missing is the feeling of being connected to or with someone. I'm not looking for someone to take away my "issues," but having a connection or feeling that someone is in my corner and on my side would be satisfying. This can be met through a friendship; it doesn't need to be fulfilled by a lover. Not having that connection is deeply lonely for me.

Honestly, I don't mind being physically alone most of the time, but weekends tend to be especially rough. So, I know I need to get out of the house and do stuff, but it's hard for me to go out alone. I feel like the crazy lady dancing by herself on the dance floor. Then again, she's probably happy as hell, so maybe it's not too bad being her.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I am pretty new to this "being alone" thing. My X moved out about a month and a half. I do get the kids half the time, but the other half is very quiet. 

I tend to get out alot, I ride a bike, walk in stores, give myself projects. It helps. 

In many ways I too am like you, I want the connection of someone in my life, but I am not emotionally ready for that. So I am in some sort of limbo.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Garry2012 said:


> I am pretty new to this "being alone" thing. My X moved out about a month and a half. I do get the kids half the time, but the other half is very quiet.
> 
> I tend to get out alot, I ride a bike, walk in stores, give myself projects. It helps.
> 
> In many ways I too am like you, I want the connection of someone in my life, but I am not emotionally ready for that. So I am in some sort of limbo.


Yep, same here  It is a big adjustment, for sure -- even having lived apart for over a year, now that my divorce was just finalized, the reality of it sinks in: I am really single again, and making a new start. It's not what I wanted, but you have to roll with what life throws your way. I just focus on making each day the best it can be, appreciating what have, and planning activities to re-invigorate my social life. 

I'm not going to put any pressure on myself to start dating, unless or until I feel ready. Right now, I don't think I am in a position to form a new emotional bond or be intimate with anyone. But that doesn't stop me from being social! 

Cheers,- A12


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm old hat at the alone vs. lonely thing. I seem to have a trend going. Twice a year around the beginning of summer and the start of the holiday season I get lonely. The rest of the time I'm fine with alone. About every 3 years I seem to actually have what seems to be a good candidate for a serious relationship. Somehow I've avoided having anyone special in my life during the holidays. It sort of sux. 

I've attended holiday parties from Halloween through New Years alone. One year I asked a male friend to be my date for a Christmas party - that stunk - he didn't even tell me I looked nice when he picked me up and he had never even seen me in a dress much less ****tail attire. Those times, looking around the room at couples of all ages are rough. Then I pull myself out of my pity party and focus on other things or else I buy another match.com membership LOL

It's been this way for 10 years.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

There are plenty of sites that are used for social activities. I have a friend that goes hiking that's arranged by one of these sites. He didn't do it to date but to have something to do. He ends up dating a lot of women that go hiking with him. Hiking doesn't have to be your thing. Plenty of sites that arrange all sorts of social activities with groups of people. Great way to meet others just to socialize.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Join a running or cycling club. There are people of all ages through the 70's and 80's, and everyone is very welcoming. As an added benefit you get lots of physical activity, and few of the people there are hard core athletes. Most are normal people trying to get a little exercise doing something they like and socializing with others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I have to admit...i do talk to myself ALOT more lol. oh well....haha


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

The 75% failure rate for second marriages is a myth. The failure rate in reality is not too much higher than for first marriages. And if the second marriage can last 5 years it has a very high success rate!


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

A myth you reckon , well at least that's something if any of us do decide to go there again.
On the other hand , as l was just sayin in another thread , by God it is nice just worrying about myself for once.
'The free times got real potential too , l'm almost enjoying coming back to do what l want for a change a lot of the time these days.
There's still lonely times for sure but l imagine once l have a life going again , l could get to like some of this .


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