# Unbelieveable Situation



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I am 44 and my wife is the same age. My separation is the result of a bizarre series of events in which I'd like to share. After being married for 9 years, my wife decided to leave, stating that she was stressed from the kids and she felt in the middle all the time ( her three kids, my step kids ). While traveling to visit her daughter, 19, who is in college and was depressed from just breaking up with her boyfriend, my wife decided to contact an old friend of mine who lives on the east coast, to discuss depression about her daughter with him...his sister suffered from this. While contacting him, the discussion turned sexual...she always had something for him which I noticed in past gatherings and such but thought it was just innocent flirting. Anyway, he decided to bash me and convince her to leave me, citing I wasn't worthy, she'd be happier without me, etc. He has known to break up couples in the past and garners a sick pleasure from doing so. 
When she returned, about a week went by where she was cold, discerning, aloof and distant...although these signs were prevalent before she left as well...constant texting, avoiding me, etc. Then, one morning after going out with friends, where she ignored me all night, she said she was leaving me. It was shortly after this that I checked her online phone bill and noticed numerous texts and calls to him, starting the day she went to visit her daughter. He persuaded her to leave me, and he brainwashed her into doing so...he's very persuasive and manipulative. I stayed in the house for two months before moving, which was hell. I caught her sexting to him one night, taking off her nightie, and I constantly asked her about their contact. I received answers from "none of your business" to "who cares" to denial...all out of sync with each other. They were still in contact. 
When I moved out, I later discovered she slept with him the night I moved out...she picked him up at the airport and they had sex in her car...he was in town to pick up his vehicle. This was planned, as she wanted me out a month earlier because of this night. 
The next eight months led to my wife engaging in wild threesome sex, sex with married men, and other women. She would tell me these episodes outright, even showing me videos of her having sex with strangers which were on her phone. It killed me. I asked her not to but she proceeded, and I was like a deer in the lights. She turned into a sex addict, all fronted from her and my ex friend sharing their sex stories and sending videos back and forth to each other. They had no intention of being together as a couple, just sex friends who got off on this stuff. He got her into this, as she was never like this before or had this type of character. Her niece told her she needed help but refused. She showed and told these stories to her friends, fooled around with guys at work, during work ( in a school )...she was out of control. She even told me she didn't use protection...and was getting checked for std's all the while. We kept in contact throughout our sep., and she used me for money and favours...I couldn't believe what she turned into, all under the influence of this idiot. 
After a year, this plagues my mind daily. We haven't spoken in a month. She accuses me of guilting her and manipulating her when I bring this up...she shuts down the conversation instantly.She was a different woman...uncaring, hurtful...and was hypnotized by this adventurous lifestyle. Her threesome stuff was with married couples which floored me. It was like she was proud of it...rubbing it in to me. I learned that she told someone I knew that I was a mistake and I should have stayed as a renter instead of a husband when I moved into her home after we met. I saw her through a series of crises with her kids and ex husband through the 9 years we were married. Her kids were also hard to deal with, as I was the stepdad and it wasn't easy. 
I believe her and my ex friend are still in contact. She slept with him at Christmas when he came home. I believe she is attempting a relationship with someone new now, but I don't know if this sex stuff has ceased.I am hurt and broken. I've seen 5 counsellors, and even though I'm getting better, I can't believe our healthy and happy marriage...which it was...turned into this mainly because of one backstabber. 
Any comments, questions, suggestions, feedback, or comparisons would be appreciated...thanks.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

first - paragraphs please. The wall of text is hard to read

second - why? why are you wasting any more time on this _woman_?

She says you're a mistake - fine - get a lawyer - get divorce - run. Run to the hills

what is there to consider?

Get. OUT. NOW


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So when will the divorce be finalized?


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

That is utterly horrible, but if she could be so easily manipulated, then she was already looking out the door. The "backstabber" just gave her that last little push that she was looking for.

Sadly, marriage can turn on you in a hurry, without warning. My ex and I had what I thought a magical marriage for 6 years and then early in year 7, she all of a sudden became interested in running the bars again, dancing with strange men, not wearing her wedding ring because it bothered her finger, cheating on me with a mutual friend, who had just cheated on his wife with another friend and they were now divorced.

All you can do is cut your losses and divorce her if you hadn't already done so. I'm about as pro marriage you can get, except for physical abuse and cheating, because to me, there is no coming back on either of those subjects. The trust and respect is gone, so it's better to build with someone else, then try and regain it with her, she's way off the wagon.
How are your kids doing with all of this?

My heart goes out to you.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

After today it will be finalized...had to wait a year of separation...now the paperwork starts...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

woundedwarrior said:


> That is utterly horrible, but if she could be so easily manipulated, then she was already looking out the door. The "backstabber" just gave her that last little push that she was looking for.
> 
> Sadly, marriage can turn on you in a hurry, without warning. My ex and I had what I thought a magical marriage for 6 years and then early in year 7, she all of a sudden became interested in running the bars again, dancing with strange men, not wearing her wedding ring because it bothered her finger, cheating on me with a mutual friend, who had just cheated on his wife with another friend and they were now divorced.
> 
> ...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Get a lawyer, divorce her, get custody of your kids. get checked for STDs.

Whatever is going on with your wife, make it not your problem.

If you own your home, make sure to sell it.

Again, get a lawyer pronto.

Your wife has become unstable and it is not good for your kids to be around it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

deg20 said:


> After today it will be finalized...had to wait a year of separation...now the paperwork starts...


That's awesome. Kick her the f*ck out of your life -- immediately and forever -- and move on w/o her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

michzz said:


> Get a lawyer, divorce her, get custody of your kids. get checked for STDs.
> 
> Whatever is going on with your wife, make it not your problem.
> 
> ...


The good news is that they're _her_ kids!!!


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

deg20 said:


> After today it will be finalized...had to wait a year of separation...now the paperwork starts...


Had to wait a year even in the face of adultery! Unbelievable!

Just so you are clear, this breakup in your marriage was NOT because of this ex-friend of yours. Please understand that. The cause of your breakup is you STBXW! She is a broken person and you will substantially better off without her.

Stay strong and get the legal work done.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Your marriage was over before she started sleeping around. Forget about her and who she is sleeping with, move on and concentrate on your future. Find someone without children. Second marriages with children have a 70% divorce rate so odds are your marriage wouldn't have lasted anyway.


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## Borntohang (Sep 4, 2014)

Spidey senses going off!


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## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE (Mar 13, 2015)

Son been there years ago.
Get rid of her. You do not have to look, listen, or discuss her sexual escapades with her.
She is who she is and always was your ex friend just brought out that side of her.
Quit trying to understand why she did it. You will never know and that way lies madness and frustration.
The problem you face is that it was not just another man, but many and it is hard to reconcile this with your idea of what love and marriage should be. Rest assured you are okay and not everyone is like this woman. 
You will heal. I have been on my second marriage somewhere in the 30 year range. There are good women out there and you deserve to find the one for you. Rest easy my friend. You will heal.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE said:


> Son been there years ago.
> Get rid of her. You do not have to look, listen, or discuss her sexual escapades with her.
> She is who she is and always was your ex friend just brought out that side of her.
> Quit trying to understand why she did it. You will never know and that way lies madness and frustration.
> ...


I think that knowing she was always like this is a little more reassuring than thinking she turned into this, for some reason...don't know why...but thanks for that...
I still wake up and go to bed asking "Why"...couldn't she be normal...or easier to read...or grounded?...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I agree. It was truly over before it began...I should have seen it...took me home from a bar, then asked me if wanted to go home after sex. I said no, I'd like to spend the night...then I was hooked...6 months later, I'm living in her house...5 months after that, I'm married ( she proposed, half-heartedly..."well, ya wanna get married...why not, eh? )...only put me on the mortgage when she needed my income to refinance the home...told me I should have been a "renter", and then said I was a mistake...and on and on...


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yeah, sounds to me like this IS the real her. She's either always been like that, or she's never had the opportunity to.

I'm guessing from the age of you guys and the kids, that she was married with children relatively young (ie. mid-20's?) and perhaps with her first husband even earlier than that.

You're also not the only person this happens to, so take solace in that. Maybe the extremes she's gone to with you are beyond the norm. When my ex wife checked out, she had her fun while still married to me. See, in their minds, "checking out" means they have this new-found freedom that they can justify. They also tend to do things they wouldn't under normal circumstances, married or not, including making up for perceived "lost time". It's all a crock, imo. It's not much different than those who say "Oh, I was in my 20's and single, so it's okay!" or "It was just a phase, it doesn't count, and it's not who I really am". blah blah blah.

If my ex wife's current husband knew about half of what she did while she was still with me (apart from HIM... ) I doubt he'd be very comfortable being married to her now. I could send him a nice short email, if I wanted to, showing him very strong evidence that she, while married to me AND planning to be with him also had her fun with at least 2 other men. As it stands right now, he's likely under the impression that he's some sort of victor, who stole away somebody else's wife. He probably sees past the fact that she's a cheater, because hey, she cheated with HIM. If it's even occurred to him, that is. Meanwhile, she was out having her fun not just behind MY back, but theoretically HIS, as well. And it's very likely she cheated on me even before he came along. So he's married a proven cheater. Sucks to be him.

Now you might feel the urge to blame this other guy for this, as I blamed OM for "stealing" my ex wife, but the reality is that it is HER, not him who did what she did to you. Like I said, I could probably seriously f*** up this guy's impression of my ex wife, or at least cause enough doubt in him that he spends his time being paranoid and untrusting. But I never bothered. She's his problem now. Let him figure it out for himself, if it ever gets to that. Maybe it won't and she'll be the perfect wife to him. Maybe HE'S an ass and will screw her over. Don't know, don't care.

So, OP, this is a harsh situation for you, and it's AWFUL to see somebody you loved and trusted show their real selves. I've been there. It's almost impossible to rectify in one's brain. This person that you let into your life 100% is able to not just walk away with no care at all for you, but also to rub it in afterwards. It's disheartening, to say the least.

But not everybody is like that. Your next step (after moving on from this, of course) is to learn that you need to be able to trust going forward. That this one horror-awful situation is unlikely to repeat itself. If you let this ruin relationships for you in the future, then this POS human being will always have that control over you as long as you live.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*I'm guessing from the age of you guys and the kids, that she was married with children relatively young (ie. mid-20's?) and perhaps with her first husband even earlier than that.*

She married her first husband at 19...he was 36...all her kids are from him...I guess that's a sign too...how early she married...after 12 yrs with him, she went 10 months single, then had a guy move in with his two kids, only to see him leave her a year later ( said her kids were too stressful )...after 10 months single again, she met me...I lasted 9 years, then she dumped me.

And yes, she gave me the "I've never lived my life" crap too...


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

So sorry.
There's not much to offer. She is a horrible person who did a horrible thing to you. And you are going to have to move on. 

We can give all the advice in the world, go out and exercise, find hobbies, improve your life, etc. And it's all a good idea. But none of it will actually make you feel better immediately. You are going to completely shift how you think about her and your marriage, and that's a complicated, painful, and long process. 

The only two things that I heard that made me feel better were 1) You are not alone. All through this board are people who were madly in love with their spouses and their spouses betrayed them. 
2)It will eventually get better. Unfortunately, there is no time limit or promise. But don't give up. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, because it does get better.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Your right it's an unbelievable situation.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Be thankful you are rid of her and embrace the opportunity to rebuild you life.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Put you on the mortgage????? So it is yall's house...NOT HER HOUSE! I'd say she owes you a chunk of change or we can sell the house for my cut.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need counselling to help you re-build yourself.

In which country are you?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

She can't be fixed. Move on.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I'm in Canada...Ontario

As for the house, I took 20,000.00 and walked...it was a good move as the market is terrible and it's been on the market for over a year...no movement. She priced it too high. She'll be lucky to get ten grand after all this. She's sinking financially but I'm clear of the money mess...

BTW, She said I was taking 20 grand...when I said how about 25, she looked at me with shark-wide eyes and yelled, "It's my ****ing house"...but she put me on the mortgage 8 years ago when she needed to refinance ( needed my income ), and that was the only reason, I see now.

In Ontario, you need to wait a year sep before you can file...my year just ended...divorce next.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

deg20 said:


> I'm in Canada...Ontario
> 
> As for the house, I took 20,000.00 and walked...it was a good move as the market is terrible and it's been on the market for over a year...no movement. She priced it too high. She'll be lucky to get ten grand after all this. She's sinking financially but I'm clear of the money mess...
> 
> ...


I'm in Ontario, too. My ex wife and I fudged our sep date to speed up the process. The two of you just have to agree on the date when doing so. It's easy enough to tell the lawyer/court that neither of you bothered getting around to changing the names on the bills or whatever. Also, she and I took her name off the mortgage within 6 months, and I refinanced the house. She got a few $$ in the process, which is why she was willing to do that.

Separation agreement was done ~4 months after d-day, and this is when we "backdated" it all. We were able to shave about 9 months off the divorce process that way.

Doesn't matter for you now, anyway, year's up!


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

You did things smart!...I was too unraveled to even get my bearings, but good for you...

Only now...like yesterday, I'm feeling better and accepting that she was a monster and toxic. The whole 9 years was a waste...I don't even have kids of my own, and would have liked to. She was tied when I met her. Now at 44, I doubt I will...she robbed me of a family, in which I decided to embrace hers as mine....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

deg20 said:


> I'm in Canada...Ontario
> 
> As for the house, I took 20,000.00 and walked...it was a good move as the market is terrible and it's been on the market for over a year...no movement. She priced it too high. She'll be lucky to get ten grand after all this. She's sinking financially but I'm clear of the money mess...
> 
> ...



You are right. Divorce is your best option.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

deg20 said:


> I am 44 and my wife is the same age. My separation is the result of a bizarre series of events in which I'd like to share. After being married for 9 years, my wife decided to leave, stating that she was stressed from the kids and she felt in the middle all the time ( her three kids, my step kids ). While traveling to visit her daughter, 19, who is in college and was depressed from just breaking up with her boyfriend, my wife decided to contact an old friend of mine who lives on the east coast, to discuss depression about her daughter with him...his sister suffered from this. While contacting him, the discussion turned sexual...she always had something for him which I noticed in past gatherings and such but thought it was just innocent flirting. Anyway, he decided to bash me and convince her to leave me, citing I wasn't worthy, she'd be happier without me, etc. He has known to break up couples in the past and garners a sick pleasure from doing so.
> When she returned, about a week went by where she was cold, discerning, aloof and distant...although these signs were prevalent before she left as well...constant texting, avoiding me, etc. Then, one morning after going out with friends, where she ignored me all night, she said she was leaving me. It was shortly after this that I checked her online phone bill and noticed numerous texts and calls to him, starting the day she went to visit her daughter. He persuaded her to leave me, and he brainwashed her into doing so...he's very persuasive and manipulative. I stayed in the house for two months before moving, which was hell. I caught her sexting to him one night, taking off her nightie, and I constantly asked her about their contact. I received answers from "none of your business" to "who cares" to denial...all out of sync with each other. They were still in contact.
> When I moved out, I later discovered she slept with him the night I moved out...she picked him up at the airport and they had sex in her car...he was in town to pick up his vehicle. This was planned, as she wanted me out a month earlier because of this night.
> The next eight months led to my wife engaging in wild threesome sex, sex with married men, and other women. She would tell me these episodes outright, even showing me videos of her having sex with strangers which were on her phone. It killed me. I asked her not to but she proceeded, and I was like a deer in the lights. She turned into a sex addict, all fronted from her and my ex friend sharing their sex stories and sending videos back and forth to each other. They had no intention of being together as a couple, just sex friends who got off on this stuff. He got her into this, as she was never like this before or had this type of character. Her niece told her she needed help but refused. She showed and told these stories to her friends, fooled around with guys at work, during work ( in a school )...she was out of control. She even told me she didn't use protection...and was getting checked for std's all the while. We kept in contact throughout our sep., and she used me for money and favours...I couldn't believe what she turned into, all under the influence of this idiot.
> ...



Do everything in your power to emotionally detach from this woman, she is like poison to you. RUN as fast as you can. There are many more worthy women out there, she is not for you. The longer you keep the emotional strings attached to her, the longer you will suffer. Cut all contact (except through lawyer) and begin to heal.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> Put you on the mortgage????? So it is yall's house...NOT HER HOUSE! I'd say she owes you a chunk of change or we can sell the house for my cut.


So you've been used. Many men have. So get as much as you can from the divorce. You earned it.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

deg20 said:


> I agree. It was truly over before it began...I should have seen it...took me home from a bar, then asked me if wanted to go home after sex. I said no, I'd like to spend the night...then I was hooked...6 months later, I'm living in her house...5 months after that, I'm married ( she proposed, half-heartedly..."well, ya wanna get married...why not, eh? )...only put me on the mortgage when she needed my income to refinance the home...told me I should have been a "renter", and then said I was a mistake...and on and on...


 Look friend.Sorry to say but if there's blame to be had then look in the mirror. 

Just what you wrote above should have told you the type of person she was and you just totally ignored all the signs and jumped in head first. The signs were there and you know they were so whose fault is that.

Lucky for you that you got out of that mess with your skin and I hope next time you start thinking with your big head instead of your little one.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Just what you wrote above should have told you the type of person she was and you just totally ignored all the signs and jumped in head first. The signs were there and you know they were so whose fault is that.
*

Yes...the signs were there and I was in love, and she gave me just enough to keep me hooked...looking back, I don't believe she truly loved me...at all...I should have walked like the guy before me...no heartfelt sentiments or deep chats in 9 years...and never an "I love you" while looking in my eyes...always while looking away...these things I remember...I hate to say it, but you're right.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

deg20 said:


> You did things smart!...I was too unraveled to even get my bearings, but good for you...
> 
> Only now...like yesterday, I'm feeling better and accepting that she was a monster and toxic. The whole 9 years was a waste...I don't even have kids of my own, and would have liked to. She was tied when I met her. Now at 44, I doubt I will...she robbed me of a family, in which I decided to embrace hers as mine....


I could swear you were married to my ex wife, but the time frames aren't adding up.

Look, it wasn't a waste. It took me a while to get past that mindset, too, but in the end, nothing's a waste. It's cliche, but it's a learning experience.

I didn't have kids either. Got fixed because my ex wife didn't want (or even like) kids. All fine in the end, anyway, as my current wife came with two of her own and no desire for any more.

No matter how you look at it, you win in the end. You got some good years out of it (even if hindsight is 20/20) and you knew what it was like to love somebody. She's clearly not happy (and perhaps not even sane) and it's unlikely she ever WILL be happy. Let her be someone else's problem (or her own problem).

I have GREAT memories of my ex wife, but the s*** overshadowed it all for a little while after. But I'm at the point now where I have fond memories of trips, new experiences, adventures, whatever. Things she and I did together. And I don't remember them wistfully, like she's some lost love of mine, because she's not.

It's almost as though she had died, to be honest. When somebody close to you dies, it's tough to get on with your life, but you eventually do. You can even be angry that they're gone. But in the end, you start to bring back old memories, good memories, and you move on with your life.

The irony about your situation is that she went out in a blaze of insanity, which actually makes it easier on you. You'll see this eventually, I promise.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

How is she "forcing" you to watch these videos mate? Especially when you told her not to?

I don't understand....


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

She didn't force...she held the phone in my face and it was playing. Yes, I should have been strong and told her to get out, but I'll be honest,...I was so dumbstruck that I watched and was in disbelief...only a couple of times, but it was like a car accident...I just couldn't believe my eyes and that she was actually doing this...also, I tried to be strong and show her I didn't care...tried to seem like I didn't care and was unaffected...but the aftermath...what it did to my subconscious is what took the toll. Just the fact that she ATTEMPTED to disclose this was hurtful, no?

...and when she began to relay these stories verbally, I did cut her off with "stop"...just the fact that she was willing to tell/show me was damaging in itself...I was weak...I admit it...

and my city isn't that large...I heard many things from many others...

I take the blame for succumbing...


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)




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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Why are you still in contact with her?

Its very common for divorced women with kids to marry to provide a father figure, security for their children then dump the substitute father. I've seen this many times.

She's showing you the pictures etc. to make sure you get the message that she totally done with you.

How does your step kids treat you now? How old are they?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Sandie said:


>


:iagree:


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Why are you still in contact with her?
*

...been a month of no contact at all. i should have never texted/talked/seen her...that's the reason, and my mistake, for the state I'm in...I admit...I was weak, and not myself...

I don't speak to my stepdaughter anymore...20...never accepted me,...jealous I spent time with her mom, and has issues from her first dad, and truly turned when her mom left me...

19 year old stuck up for me until mom told him I didn't want him to move back home. He had drug/booze issues, and I told her he'd have to get help first since he was a detriment to our marriage. He turned on me and his mom, since his mom refused him to come home 3 months later as well

I Still see the 16 yr old boy. We're pretty close. I practically raised him and he's a good kid. The other two played back- and- forth with mom/dad the whole time I was married to her.


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

I can't believe so many here are buying this story


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Your not supposed to call troll or you will get in trouble !


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Sandie said:


> Your not supposed to call troll or you will get in trouble !


You need to knock this off, Sandie. You're saying the same thing in another thread from the same poster, as well.

Yes, I should be PM'ing this, and yes, this is a threadjack, and I'll suffer the consequences if need be.

If this thread is not on the up-and-up, it is not your place to be calling this out in public. Report it, or contact a mod, or better yet, let the mods handle this for themselves.

The reality of this situation is that sometimes some unbelievable things happen to people and they are real, and they come here looking for help or answers.

If this is a real post, then you are hurting the OP, not helping the forum. If this is a real post, then you are basically telling the OP - a guy who may very well actually be in a very dark place right now - that his situation is so ridiculous it can't possibly be true.

If this is not a real post (not for you to decide), then so what? It will get ferreted out by the fine folks who have authority to do so. In the meantime, any bit of advice given here might benefit somebody else.

Regardless of your thoughts and feelings towards OP and his post(s), there is no need to reply to something if it doesn't interest you and you can't be of help. That is what this place is for, helping others. No matter how unbelievable somebody's story is, there is always a very real chance that it is legit, and by suggesting - to anyone - that their situation isn't real, you run the risk of causing some serious harm to somebody who is looking for help.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Where did I ever say I didn't believe this story is real?????


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sounds like you're going to beat cancer. Congratulations.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> Why are you still in contact with her?
> 
> Its very common for divorced women with kids to marry to provide a father figure, security for their children then dump the substitute father. I've seen this many times.
> 
> ...


I have no trouble believing this, because something almost exactly like this scenario, although minus the pictures, happened to my brother. What a witch his ex-wife was...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

This is no fabrication and no lie. I came on here to post this because I needed help and feedback...every post I wrote is 100% true, and my counselors call it a "complicated grieve" because it's been so traumatic to me.

I don't care who doesn't believe me, but I can tell you that what has happened to me in the last year should NEVER happen to anyone...


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

In two separate threads by the same poster, you've chimed in immediately after somebody essentially said his posts weren't believable. Your tone in both replies implied you don't, either.

Just saying.




sandie said:


> where did i ever say i didn't believe this story is real?????


------



jambri said:


> i can't believe so many here are buying this story





sandie said:


> your not supposed to call troll or you will get in trouble !


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thepheonix said:


> that is amazing and hard to believe... The janitor has an office?





sandie said:


> of course a janitor has an office!
> 
> It's that room with all the mop buckets that smells like chlorine!


---


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> Why are you still in contact with her?
> 
> *Its very common for divorced women with kids to marry to provide a father figure, security for their children then dump the substitute father. *I've seen this many times.
> 
> ...


Why a childless never been married 35 year old man would get seriously involved with a divorcee with kids is beyond me. 

Now OP is 44 and still childless after spending 9 years in what appears to be a loveless marriage. He needs to work on himself. 

Start a male action plan on becoming a whole man. Strong and independent. It should take him about 9 months, a month for each year married, to get her out of his system, if he's truly working on himself.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

jsmart said:


> Why a childless never been married 35 year old man would get seriously involved with a divorcee with kids is beyond me.
> 
> Now OP is 44 and still childless after spending 9 years in what appears to be a loveless marriage. He needs to work on himself.
> 
> Start a male action plan on becoming a whole man. Strong and independent. It should take him about 9 months, a month for each year married, to get her out of his system, if he's truly working on himself.


I wanted a family. If she wasn't tied, I probably would have had my own kid/kids with her...luckily I didn't.

She was a people pleaser, took me in to her home, and seemed proud of me...but the negatives outweigh the positives, which I see now. I was blinded by a new love, an attractive woman, and a new family, that despite it's horrendous dysfunction, offered me a role to play as dad and husband...

But It was always me vs. them. I received barely no support from her when trying to discipline the kids, or tell them not to tell their mom to eff-off, or follow some rules in the house. She let most of this slide, and when she left, she said, "I don't want to be in the middle anymore"...but she never discussed issues at all, or rarely, during the marriage...she shut me down when I brought them up with statements like,"don't stress me out" or "stop guilting me"...

Yes, there were times in the last three months where I said to myself, out loud, that I should leave, but I stayed hoping it was just a hump we could get over...maybe I would have felt empowered in deciding to leave...I don't know...but you and other posters are correct...I should have left early on...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

deg20 said:


> *I wanted a family. If she wasn't tied, I probably would have had my own kid/kids with her...luckily I didn't.*
> 
> She was a people pleaser, took me in to her home, and seemed proud of me...but the negatives outweigh the positives, which I see now. I was blinded by a new love, an attractive woman, and a new family, that despite it's horrendous dysfunction, offered me a role to play as dad and husband...
> 
> ...


A 35 never married childless man could should have been looking at late 20s or early 30s childless never married woman. That ship has sailed. 

Now you're 44 divorced man. With many woman blowing up their marriages, men are being forced back on the market. If you get your finances in order, get in good shape, up your style, and develop a more exciting lifestyle with positive hobbies that you develop good friendships with A much better woman can come into your life.

Now is the time to focus on improving yourself. You need to excise her from your heart & mind. It is over.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

She has left such a scar on my psyche that it feels I'll never recover. It's not just one event...it's layers of things that happened...I'm trying to be strong...looking at all I lost such as a family, home, lifestyle...it's quite disheartening...but I'm trying to overcome it one day at a time.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Okay Deg20, we can all agree you got screwed off royally from her, you wimped out when you should manned up...it happens...that was yesterday, i get your are still hurting and will be for some time, but you do today, is what counts...are you in therapy, are you financial free from her, is there any reason other then the 16 year old to even talk to her now? have you changed your will, insurance papers to remove her completely from it....this is when you need to man up for yourself. don't let her define who you are.....don't let her sick twisted behavior make you the victim. Take steps (albeit baby steps) everyday to make you one step closer to being whole....you get to define your presents and your future not her, not the memories.


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## cgiles (Dec 10, 2014)

deg20 said:


> She has left such a scar on my psyche that it feels I'll never recover. It's not just one event...it's layers of things that happened...I'm trying to be strong...looking at all I lost such as a family, home, lifestyle...it's quite disheartening...but I'm trying to overcome it one day at a time.


You need to find a therapist specialized in PTSD.

Good you been a month nocontact, did you gave a look to the 180lists ? 

The 180 | AFFAIRCARE

It could be a good tool as you will need to be in touch with her for the divorce.

I advice you to read "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover, it will help you in your recovery. 
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

And "when I say no, I feel guilty" by Manuel J smith, it's a good addon to no more mr nice guy.

you can find it on Library Genesis


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

X is right dawg. You need to quit babying yourself because a woman done you wrong. Youre like a bunch of other guys who blame themselves because the damsel in distress they thought they could rescue, and end up a hero in her eyes, revealed her true nature and cashiered them like a string of others who thought their abilities as white knight could provided a happily ever after scenario. 
All you went through has nothing to do with your ability to control the situation. This chick is (and was) emotionally unhealthy before she ran it you. She doesn't have the wherewithal to help herself and you were a stopping off place.
Here's a clue for the future. It sounds old fashion in this day and age. When a girl is willing to start bedding you the first time you meet her, she's probably going to be more than you can handle in long term and you'll end up road kill. Take my word for it. 
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to stay completely out of the toxic environment associated with this girl.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

deg20 said:


> She has left such a scar on my psyche that it feels I'll never recover. It's not just one event...it's layers of things that happened...I'm trying to be strong...looking at all I lost such as a family, home, lifestyle...it's quite disheartening...but I'm trying to overcome it one day at a time.


You literally copy and pasted this answer in another forum..


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

alexm said:


> In two separate threads by the same poster, you've chimed in immediately after somebody essentially said his posts weren't believable. Your tone in both replies implied you don't, either.
> 
> Just saying.


Well stop saying!


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## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

deg20 said:


> This is no fabrication and no lie. I came on here to post this because I needed help and feedback...every post I wrote is 100% true, and my counselors call it a "complicated grieve" because it's been so traumatic to me.
> 
> I don't care who doesn't believe me, but I can tell you that what has happened to me in the last year should NEVER happen to anyone...


You do understand why people are sceptic, no? The whole story reads like an adventure from this superhero right here:


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

technovelist said:


> I have no trouble believing this, because something almost exactly like this scenario, although minus the pictures, happened to my brother. What a witch his ex-wife was...


If she's a witch she should post on the other thread about witches!


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Be thankful the kids are her kids and that the Divorce is soon. After divorce let her sleep in the bed she made with no further assistance, or favours by you.

In other words consider her dead to you and move on with life.


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## Colonel Angus (Apr 11, 2015)

Truth is stranger than fiction and people have endured more than they should have from an abusive spouse. With that said, you have an obligation to yourself to leave and file for divorce.





If I overstayed my welcome, just tap me on the head.


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## cgiles (Dec 10, 2014)

Colonel Angus said:


> Truth is stranger than fiction


"Life has more imagination than us."


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