# Defend your husband or not?



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Question for the wives.

You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


Walk away. My husband is a really great guy, and everyone pretty much thinks this, so if someone were to say this to me, I can't say it wouldn't make me curious as to why she thinks it. lol

But, most likely, I'd walk away. I don't like scenes. 

Did this happen to/about you?


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

*wait*

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

*walk away and bring up with him later*


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?



If I do not know her I would say 'sorry'? and ask her to clarify her statement. Hear her out then tell her what I think or to get lost, whatever is appropriate. I am not going to defend my H if he has behaved badly.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Agree & amplify with a smile. 

"Yep, he's a total a-hole. You should see how he treats people he likes. I love MY a-hole!"

Walk over to him and give him a big kiss.

Most women do not like my husband's personality. They have called him an a-hole before. I just know his style. He's never personally rude, but he does call them out on inconsistencies without fear. He ruffles feathers. He is blunt like me.

So if you know your husband ...base the response on this. I know my husband is a good, generous man. He also has a spine and he is a bit old fashioned. I know how some women perceive him. More for me, I say. You can't make everyone happy.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Back in May an old friend said my DH was an arrogant sphincter. We had words and afterward i told her if I saw her again I'd kick the snot out of her. Haven't seen or heard from her since.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I would (and have) said that only one person knows me well enough to speak to me in that manner and you aren't him. Leave the husband out of it. The woman is actively disrespecting the wife.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Back in May an old friend said my DH was an arrogant sphincter. We had words and afterward i told her if I saw her again I'd kick the snot out of her. Haven't seen or heard from her since.


That's exactly what I would have said if the situation was reversed.
Well done!:grin2:


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I have always been with well liked men, popular and friendly. Far out my family still adore the ex. So given he scenario in the OP I would be so shocked that it would render me speechless. 

So OP what are the full details? It seems bizarre for someone to call another an arsehole without any cause.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


why do you ask? is there a story behind the question?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

. double post


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


Stir the pot.....

One spin at a time. 

Until the mush at the bottom dissolves into a thick gravy.
.................................................................................................

Very few ladies will take the reins here.....and agree with the Drama Queen.

Only the burned, the haters.......and even those would know. Know that arrows will descend on them. I know these things. Having arrows in every quarter of my ghostly being.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> I would (and have) said that only one person knows me well enough to speak to me in that manner and you aren't him. Leave the husband out of it. The woman is actively disrespecting the wife.


And this.....

From a women who piles on thick, the insults on a poor, medium sized Red Dog, with a long tail.... tale.

What hypocrisy!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Satya said:


> Agree & amplify with a smile.
> 
> "Yep, he's a total a-hole. You should see how he treats people he likes. I love MY a-hole!"
> 
> ...


Good one!

You showed my first post to be wrong with a dong. 

Dong....dong! Two bells, upside me' noggin.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Satya said:


> Agree & amplify with a smile.
> 
> "Yep, he's a total a-hole. You should see how he treats people he likes. I love MY a-hole!"
> 
> ...


 @Satya ,Sounds like your husband and myself have the same trait. I don't suffer fools or hypocrites well at all.
For those asking , yup it happened to my wife, she did nothing. It was basically one of my good friend's toxic girlfriend. Extremely drunk,she accused me of something with nothing but secondhand hearsay ,asked me about it, then interrupted me non stop and berated me while I tried to explain. I grew weary of the disrespect raised my hand in the 'Halt" fashion and stated "I'm done talking to you" and ended it right there. This same person loves to create drama and later went up to my wife and stated what was in the OP, along with a lot of gushing about my wife and derogatory stuff about me. Trying to stir up **** with me and my wife.
My wife is non confrontational and said nothing, which irked me. I was asking here to see if no response would be a normal response. It certainly wouldn't be from me if the roles were reversed. I'd handle it more like Satya said she would in her post.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Unless at some point he gives me a reason not to, I always defend my husband.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

I don't allow anyone to pick on anyone especially when the person being picked on isn't around. Trust me, I ain't scared of confrontation, but a lot of people are so I kind of feel obligated to confront. If my family or husband is involved there's absolutely no way in hell I'm responding in a polite manner.
I remember being in Coscto with my mom after she got hip surgery. She had a walker and was clearly recovering from something. We all know what a zoo Costco can be, but I like to think the mass population takes extra care with the elderly and the very young. Basically, don't go bashing my mother with your 6 foot cart repeatedly. I screamed and pushed the cart right back at this lady almost running her over. How do you like it? I remember being at BUlk Barn once and this old lady had mixed items in the same bag. She probably wanted to make her own concoction of sorts, but it made it very hard for the cashier to figure out what item to actually charge. The poor old lady was flustered and the woman behind her was screaming at her to just move aside and figure out how the store works before coming. I told this woman to shut up and if she doesn't have anything useful to say to attempt to solve the problem then again shut up! Another guy in line suggested charging the lady for the most expensive item since it was now impossible to figure out how to weight the individual items separately.

That being said, my husband would never defend me. I don't know if most men would shy away from conflict especially with someone they don't know that well, but he'd probably walk away.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rubix Cubed said:


> @Satya ,Sounds like your husband and myself have the same trait. I don't suffer fools or hypocrites well at all.
> For those asking , yup it happened to my wife, she did nothing. It was basically one of my good friend's toxic girlfriend. Extremely drunk,she accused me of something with nothing but secondhand hearsay ,asked me about it, then interrupted me non stop and berated me while I tried to explain. I grew weary of the disrespect raised my hand in the 'Halt" fashion and stated "I'm done talking to you" and ended it right there. This same person loves to create drama and later went up to my wife and stated what was in the OP, along with a lot of gushing about my wife and derogatory stuff about me. Trying to stir up **** with me and my wife.
> My wife is non confrontational and said nothing, which irked me. I was asking here to see if no response would be a normal response. It certainly wouldn't be from me if the roles were reversed. I'd handle it more like Satya said she would in her post.


In this scenario, I'd probably point out to her that she'd just made an ass of herself in front of everyone, laugh and walk away.

What you describe here does not deserve a response. It sounds like the women was clearly dunk and looking for a fight. There is no way your wife should have become involved in that fight.

Clearly you are able to defend yourself quite well.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> @Satya ,Sounds like your husband and myself have the same trait. I don't suffer fools or hypocrites well at all.
> For those asking , yup it happened to my wife, she did nothing. It was basically one of my good friend's toxic girlfriend. Extremely drunk,she accused me of something with nothing but secondhand hearsay ,asked me about it, then interrupted me non stop and berated me while I tried to explain. I grew weary of the disrespect raised my hand in the 'Halt" fashion and stated "I'm done talking to you" and ended it right there. This same person loves to create drama and later went up to my wife and stated what was in the OP, along with a lot of gushing about my wife and derogatory stuff about me. Trying to stir up **** with me and my wife.
> My wife is non confrontational and said nothing, which irked me. I was asking here to see if no response would be a normal response. It certainly wouldn't be from me if the roles were reversed. I'd handle it more like Satya said she would in her post.


I think it might only be necessary to defend yourself or your wife to defend you, if you both respect the person. Sounds like your friend's toxic gf has a reputation, so why stoop to her level? Walking away usually tells the person, ''I don't care what you're saying.'' That's just me, I guess everyone's different.

If you don't respect the person to begin with, who cares what she thinks?

Where was your ''good friend'' when this was going on? If anything, maybe that is the relationship you should question, considering your good friend is dating someone like this who thinks nothing of insulting you.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> In this scenario, I'd probably point out to her that she'd just made an ass of herself in front of everyone, laugh and walk away.
> 
> What you describe here does not deserve a response. It sounds like the women was clearly dunk and looking for a fight. There is no way your wife should have become involved in that fight.
> 
> Clearly you are able to defend yourself quite well.


 The part that irked me was that I wasn't there to defend myself when the comment was made. This woman doesn't have the least problem with making an ass of herself, hence the drama queen attitude, and the fight she was looking for was with me most likely not my wife, but it really pissed me off she would try to cause problems with my marriage which is close to 3 decades, when she stayed married to my friend for one week, yes ONE week. Now I'll have to be around her some or I won't ever get to see my friend.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


Defend him always 100% and walk off.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Rubix Cubed said:


> [MENTION=40793]
> For those asking , yup it happened to my wife, she did nothing.


My wife is non-confrontational, but she tells me about things like this when they happen. I don't expect her defend me and when she does cool. if not and she would rather remain quiet cool. If she joins in, unless like the sarcasm in other posts, then we may have a problem. With drama queens, as you just stated, sometimes it is better just to keep your mouth shut. You talked and had to act like an ass to end the conversation.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

If this happened to me, I would assume she did something to him to deserve his ******* behavior. My husband is very low key and I would be surprised if he did anything just to be mean. He's a well like person. 

If she's drunk my first response would be that she was joking and laugh. If she's not, then I would ignore. I'm not going to take the bait and my husband would agree with the reaction. He wouldn't want to make an big scene.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

With strangers and acquaintances, there is no need to dignify the accusation with a response wherein you defend your spouse. A friend or a relative is a different story.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I think it might only be necessary to defend yourself or your wife to defend you, if you both respect the person. Sounds like your friend's toxic gf has a reputation, so why stoop to her level? Walking away usually tells the person, ''I don't care what you're saying.'' That's just me, I guess everyone's different.
> 
> If you don't respect the person to begin with, who cares what she thinks?
> 
> Where was your ''good friend'' when this was going on? If anything, maybe that is the relationship you should question, considering your good friend is dating someone like this who thinks nothing of insulting you.


 You nailed the respect thing. Enlightening post, made the bulb turn on .Thank you.
My buddy is a quintessential co-dependant doormat.He has a penchant for BSC drunks, and won't recognize that he deserves far better. I've tried to help him to the point it caused problems between us ( big surprise). I've recognized it for what it is and taken a step back.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> You talked and had to act like an ass to end the conversation.


 I tried to answer her question. My choices were to let her make a loud scene in a very public place or "act like an ass" and nip it in the bud. I chose the latter and would again.That wasn't the issue of my post.
I think the real underlying matter is she's looking for a beef with me because she knows that I recognize her using my friend and have advised him not to allow it. She is trying to cause strife for me so she continues her free ride. I guess it worked ,I gave up on my friend he's a lost cause as far as his 'picker' goes.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> With strangers and acquaintances, there is no need to dignify the accusation with a response wherein you defend your spouse. A friend or a relative is a different story.


 I would defend him whoever it was, and then walk away.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> I would defend him whoever it was, and then walk away.


It isn't about defending your husband. The point is that your husband doesn't need to be defended by you to someone who is nothing but a bug on the windshield of your/his life. Don't make them more important than they are - and them pumping their own ego by daring to insult your husband to your face is all that is about. Let them know where they stand - beneath your feet.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Rubix Cubed said:


> @Satya ,Sounds like your husband and myself have the same trait. I don't suffer fools or hypocrites well at all.
> For those asking , yup it happened to my wife, she did nothing. It was basically one of my good friend's toxic girlfriend. Extremely drunk,she accused me of something with nothing but secondhand hearsay ,asked me about it, then interrupted me non stop and berated me while I tried to explain. I grew weary of the disrespect raised my hand in the 'Halt" fashion and stated "I'm done talking to you" and ended it right there. This same person loves to create drama and later went up to my wife and stated what was in the OP, along with a lot of gushing about my wife and derogatory stuff about me. Trying to stir up **** with me and my wife.
> My wife is non confrontational and said nothing, which irked me. I was asking here to see if no response would be a normal response. It certainly wouldn't be from me if the roles were reversed. I'd handle it more like Satya said she would in her post.


A. Your wife is non-confrontational, so she normally avoids drama. This would explain her non-answer.

B. The woman was drunk and obnoxious. What would be the point of answering her? She probably wouldn't remember it the next day anyway. Answering is a waste of breath.

If this happened to me, I'd hear the person out to understand what the problem was. If she was telling me, it would be likely she'd be telling others as well and I'd like to know what is being said about my husband. It would depend on what the issue was, but I don't tend to have any kind of serious conversation with a drunk person - ever, so any response I gave would be designed to shut her down quickly and calmly.

Since she was drunk, I'd take it with a grain of salt. People say ridiculous things when they are drunk and they cannot be trusted to even believe what they are saying. I know I've said some crazy things when I was drunk and was shocked later when told what I'd said. One of many good reasons to avoid drunkenness.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> You nailed the respect thing. Enlightening post, made the bulb turn on .Thank you.
> My buddy is a quintessential co-dependant doormat.He has a penchant for BSC drunks, and won't recognize that he deserves far better. I've tried to help him to the point it caused problems between us ( big surprise). I've recognized it for what it is and taken a step back.


YW 

I feel bad for your friend but only he can change things.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> She might be attracted to your husband.


In my best Allstate commercial voice: "Yeah, well I am the husband, so ..."
And you may be right, although I seriously doubt it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


Pretty sure I can tell you what Mrs. Gus' response would be...

"He can be, but mostly only to *****es."


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> It isn't about defending your husband. The point is that your husband doesn't need to be defended by you to someone who is nothing but a bug on the windshield of your/his life. Don't make them more important than they are - and them pumping their own ego by daring to insult your husband to your face is all that is about. Let them know where they stand - beneath your feet.


We are all different, I am the sort of person who will defend him and then leave it.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

There is no point arguing with a drunk person, in fact it can be a foolish move. 

This has clearly upset you, not so much the accusation of being an arse but your wife not defending you. You are letting the drunk woman win which isn't good.
You wife did nothing wrong, if fact she told you what had happened so she has defended you by keeping you informed. She was smart enough to keep out of trouble which you should be proud of. She showed she is not a loud mouth which is a positive trait.

Can't say it would impress me if MrH got into an argument with a drunk to defend me. I would be more impressed if he removed himself and me from the situation.

Don't let some drunk (and as you say drama queen) put doubts into your marriage. That would make you an uber arsehole, means you are giving more energy into a random, irrelevant woman than you wife.

Is there any chance you are attracted to said drama queen? Why does she have any power over you?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> Is there any chance you are attracted to said drama queen? Why does she have any power over you?


 Absolutely not, she's low class gutter trash. The only power she holds over me is the manipulation and using of my friend which bothers me, at least it used to until this incident. As stated before ,I now realize it's his life to screw up as he sees fit. Not my circus ,not my monkeys.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Absolutely not, she's low class gutter trash. The only power she holds over me is the manipulation and using of my friend which bothers me, at least it used to until this incident. As stated before ,it's his life to screw up as he sees fit. I now realize not my circus ,not my monkeys.


Yes not your monkeys or circus and don't let it irk you to the point of questioning your wife's loyalty to you. You said you have been married for 3 decades, well done  keep it strong and be greatful your wife is not like your mates GF. 

Wishing you another 3 decades of happiness.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I tried to answer her question. My choices were to let her make a loud scene in a very public place or "act like an ass" and nip it in the bud. I chose the latter and would again.That wasn't the issue of my post.
> I think the real underlying matter is she's looking for a beef with me because she knows that I recognize her using my friend and have advised him not to allow it. She is trying to cause strife for me so she continues her free ride. I guess it worked ,I gave up on my friend he's a lost cause as far as his 'picker' goes.


I answered the issue of your post. I said it depends on the person and your wife may not be someone who can handle it the way you do. If you missed my point, I wouldn't worry about the wife defending you or not. If you have to cut your friend loose it will suck, but you'll be happier without all of the drama. Yes, even if you come back and say she agreed, I wouldn't let something this small, by a drama queen affect the marriage.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I answered the issue of your post. I said it depends on the person and your wife may not be someone who can handle it the way you do. If you missed my point, I wouldn't worry about the wife defending you or not. If you have to cut your friend loose it will suck, but you'll be happier without all of the drama. Yes, even if you come back and say she agreed, I wouldn't let something this small, by a drama queen affect the marriage.


Got your point , and my wife handled it the same as it sounds your wife would.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I can't imagine ever expecting my wife to defend me in any way. I'm a big boy and can take care of myself. 

And then only if necessary- this person/incident warrants zero of your, or your wife's attention or energy, ergo no response or"defense" necessary


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

Given the update, I think it's a good thing your wife remained silent.
Anything said to defend you is likely to have been twisted by this woman in order to paint you in a bad light even more.

A guy I grew up with went out with a girl similar for over two years. She would badmouth his friends to their partners (male or female) and when the partner defended his friends, she would twist it to make it sound like they were brainwashed and domestically abused. It was horrid.

By being irked at your wife, you are letting this "gutter trash" win. Don't do that.

Apologise to your wife for being upset, as she may feel she ought not to tell you things in future and that's not good. You need to know what this woman is saying.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I don't allow anyone to pick on anyone especially when the person being picked on isn't around.


Kudos to that!

I know a few people just like that. They like to make derogatory comments, and even threats, out of earshot, but haven't got the balls to say it to their face.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

LaReine said:


> Given the update, I think it's a good thing your wife remained silent.
> Anything said to defend you is likely to have been twisted by this woman in order to paint you in a bad light even more.
> 
> A guy I grew up with went out with a girl similar for over two years. She would badmouth his friends to their partners (male or female) and when the partner defended his friends, she would twist it to make it sound like they were brainwashed and domestically abused. It was horrid.
> ...


Apology to wife already done, actually after I read @*Deidre* 's post. I doubt there will be much if any communication between my wife and her any longer. My wife stated she's over her drama and doesn't want to attend any events where she will be present . I'm just counting down the time until my friend comes to his senses and sends her packing back to her bat**** cave, it's taken awhile with others in his past.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Apology to wife already done, actually after I read @*Deidre* 's post. I doubt there will be much if any communication between my wife and her any longer. My wife stated she's over her drama and doesn't want to attend any events where she will be present . I'm just counting down the time until my friend comes to his senses and sends her packing back to her bat**** cave, it's taken awhile with others in his past.


Great to hear! Your friend probably knows what to do, but it's doing it (breaking up with her) that's the hard part. If he attracts these types as you say, then he has a lot of work to do on himself, and only he can do it. Proud of you for apologizing!


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

I would say: (as I did to the man who raised me since I was 14 when he said the same thing)

"How ****ing dare you?? My husband sacrificed EVERYTHING he knew to come and build a life with me. He shouldn't have to hear this from anyone! You're not my father or my anything! **** you forever!"

And that's how I lost my first, oldest guardian. I don't regret it. Anyone who insults my husband is not on my side.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> I have always been with well liked men, popular and friendly. Far out my family still adore the ex. So given he scenario in the OP *I would be so shocked that it would render me speechless.
> *
> So OP what are the full details? It seems bizarre for someone to call another an arsehole without any cause.


The bolded would be my reaction also. Most people, male and female, instantly like my hubby. So a remark like that would DEFINITELY catch me off guard.

And after thinking about it, because I would be shocked my first reaction would probably be "*** you!" Don't judge me...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?




At a work party, a coworkers female friend was interested in me. She was always looking at me, sat in my chair, showing her legs and feet, giving me the tongue and fingering me to come hither.....coworkers saw all this and were more surprised and amused than angry. I went back to sit down and she was again in my chair. Asked me if I wanted to go and party? I said I am taken and its not a good idea. I said this quietly and discretely. She then tells me, your wife doesn't have to know.....lets go somewhere.......at that point I thought, this is my breaking point. Wild sex with a young hottie and most of the coworkers would say go for it because they were at the party with their wives just sitting there, or get out of there fast. I decided to get out of there fast after the party was over and the real party started. This young hottie was looking for me afterwards is what I was told. Afterwards, when I got home, I told Mrs.CuddleBug and instead of her saying, I can totally trust you, she got mad at me this even happened and wouldn't let up for weeks. I learned don't tell the wife everything!!!!

If something like that happened to Mrs.CuddleBug, I wouldn't expect her to come over and tell me. I know she can deal with this on her own.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

"come to think of it, that's what his parole officer said to the judge about my husband..."


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm pretty sure all I would have said in that situation is a quiet, "You're drunk and being rude" and then turned and walked away. 

OP, I think how people would think to respond to that sort of situation is partly a product of their personality, but also partly cultural. I grew up in a culture where one of the most offensive things anyone could possibly do is create an unpleasant scene in public. And anyone participating in that scene only proves that they're just as classless as the one who started it. A slightly biting remark and then walking away would be the only culturally correct response. Thus, I would have left the drama queen alone with her drink and exited the situation with as much dignity as possible, allowing her to continue making a spectacle of herself without involving me. 

But, I do understand that people raised in different cultures from my own would react to that situation in very different ways. And that their responses would be equally as valid and correct. My SO, for instance, might consider my dignified removal of myself from the situation, and thus failure to loudly defend him, to be disrespectful. It's just one of the cultural differences between us that we have to navigate as we go along.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> It isn't about defending your husband. The point is that your husband doesn't need to be defended by you to someone who is nothing but a bug on the windshield of your/his life. Don't make them more important than they are - and them pumping their own ego by daring to insult your husband to your face is all that is about. Let them know where they stand - *a passing wind*.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Absolutely not, she's low class gutter trash. The only power she holds over me is the manipulation and using of my friend which bothers me, at least it used to until this incident. As stated before ,I now realize it's his life to screw up as he sees fit. Not my circus ,not my monkeys.


There will be a time when dodging the thrown poop from those monkeys isn't necessary... insults are a spectator sport best viewed from outside the hurl radius. :grin2:

Never forget, hurt people hurt people.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Satya said:


> Agree & amplify with a smile.
> 
> "Yep, he's a total a-hole. You should see how he treats people he likes. I love MY a-hole!"
> 
> ...


And this is why you're fabulous.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

While I know the calm, mature, don't-buy-into-the-drama stuff is the wise response... (and perhaps that's a different way of appreciating your wife's response) in reality, it would depend on the moment. If I liked the woman saying it, recognized she was drunk, possibly going through something, and/or being an idiot, I'd likely suggest she drink some water and wouldn't bite. 

However I know I have a feisty streak that raises it's head sometimes. And I know I can be fiercely defensive of my husband. I've handled scenarios with family that haven't been the most productive or authentic. 'Authentic' in that my emotions got in the way of communicating what it was really about. My husband doesn't/hasn't needed me to defend him however it's part of my personality that does emerge. I'm still learning how best to harness it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> Walk away. My husband is a really great guy, and everyone pretty much thinks this, so if someone were to say this to me, I can't say it wouldn't make me curious as to why she thinks it. lol
> 
> But, most likely, I'd walk away. I don't like scenes.
> 
> Did this happen to/about you?


*As his W, she should preeminently know her husband far better than some random, bad-mouthing floozie at some party whom she had never met before!

Given that, my question would have to be "exactly who would ever want to consider developing a friendship or engaging in matters of trust with a person like that?"*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Question for the wives.
> 
> You're at a party and a lush, drama queen type woman comes up to you and tells you how much she likes you ,but thinks your husband is an ******* (_sphincter_). Do you defend your husband , maintain silence, or agree with her?


The reply would be: "And you'll be his last bowel movement, huh, honey? And to think I thought that smell you have with you was just your bad breath."


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> There is no point arguing with a drunk person, in fact it can be a foolish move.


:iagree:



Satya said:


> Agree & amplify with a smile.
> 
> "Yep, he's a total a-hole. You should see how he treats people he likes. I love MY a-hole!"


:rofl:

Shout from the roof top "I love my *******!!".


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> And this is why you're fabulous.












And you as well, dear!


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