# Experiences with mental health drugs? I might be getting closer to that reality.



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I will say this post will probably be a bit of a puke fest and I guess some honest confessions. I realize the go-to in these parts is to "get a therapist".... Had a few, and talking is not going to solve anything for me. I have a genius IQ, engineer, and the screws loose to prove it. I am analytical by my nature. An INTJ personality per the testing. Right now I am trying to determine why I am dizzy on the daily. Not like medically screwed, but my brain is scrambled. I am medically the post child for physical health in most accounts. I have learned though, that people's interest in 'you' relates mostly in how it affects 'them'. 

I realize now that my first "relationship" (12yrs together, never married, 2 kids, but was never my 'pick') was a rebounder that turned into something. I want to hate her but she is a decent human. Good mother, not vengeful, but we never really clicked and something in me always knew that!

My second relationship was a real eye opener. Someone that blew my mind with her loving ways, and the feelings I had were just something I never had in my life. Someone that 98% of guys were drool over and still not sure why she picked me. However, I later realized she had co-dependency among other issues. It took about 3mo to start to see 'something' but about 1yr to start seeing reality. We were together 3.5yrs and it ended in a complete sh*tstorm. Some that today, if her car was on fire, I would just keep driving. 

That was a few yrs ago and today, I have concluded that I am not fit for relationships. I don't trust, I don't have faith, I don't sugar coat things. I am an engineer after all that is focused on reality, which is humans cheat, cave into feelings, and I won't be caught vulnerable again. I won't sign up for more drama in my life, and that is all relationships are. 

As of today, I have realized I have lost most of my mental clarity, I have very little drive, I don't worry about sex because that just brings drama, and I go through life just trying to find enough clarity to pay bills and do what I can. I have realized that I used to have focus, drive, goals, etc, but the reality is with my health and genetics, I will have to wait a LONG time to leave. I have realized that I have to wait for "natural causes" or it will hurt my family members. I am literally hanging around for other people, which seems ridiculous! 

I no longer talk to my kids, I send a check, I no longer buy into the "god complex", I don't really interact with people, and I live in the middle of nowhere so I can avoid people at all costs. I cringe at having to make a grocery run and I plan that so I can get away as soon as possible. 

I think looking back to where I was many years ago, it is a reality check that people do not want to associate with others that have screws loose. I sometimes see my pics snuggling my kids, or whatev, and realize that is no longer me. I avoid my nieces/nephews because I don't want to feel any of it. 

I don't yet know what if any part of all of this is contributing to my mental "dizzy" but I can say with honesty that trying to crunch simple numbers today is a task. I have to write things down or try to remember. I just want the dizzy to stop. IDK about the other matters, but I used to have a vehicle that I took to car shows. I washed it 3x/week, and the interior was like brand new. IDK the last time I cleaned my truck last, and not sure I care. I mean no one will see it, and it should be stress lifted! I used to have a fescue yard that people talked about. I don't even know the last time I mowed now! 

But getting to the point....what med have people tried for this? I don't even know what I need and I will not waste 5 grand with a shrink just to try. I do have a PA that will happily get me whatever I want to try, but I don't know which screws are actually loose. I will say that weight gain of any sort will NOT work for me and I will walk away swiftly. That seems to be a trend with SSOIs. If there are any resources to tracking the issues, like web pages, I would read them. At this point, I just want to see if I can take the dizzy away. When I say dizzy, I mean "fog". Like I used to be able to do mental math, solve problems, etc. Today, I am doing good to calc the MPG on my truck. 

post before I delete.....lol


----------



## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Get an evaluation with a psychiatrist or a psych nurse. Tell them you need meds and it won’t cost more then one or two sessions. They will ask you a series of questions and then get you started on what they think works best. You’ll have to be patient because it can take 6 weeks to feel the full effects and sometimes it’s necessary to try something different. That’s why you want to start with a psychiatric specialist. Once you find the right meds then your regular doc can usually take over with the prescription.
Your symptoms are serious. It’s good you recognize you need help.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

bobsmith said:


> I will say this post will probably be a bit of a puke fest and I guess some honest confessions. I realize the go-to in these parts is to "get a therapist".... Had a few, and talking is not going to solve anything for me. I have a genius IQ, engineer, and the screws loose to prove it. I am analytical by my nature. An INTJ personality per the testing. Right now I am trying to determine why I am dizzy on the daily. Not like medically screwed, but my brain is scrambled. I am medically the post child for physical health in most accounts. I have learned though, that people's interest in 'you' relates mostly in how it affects 'them'.
> 
> I realize now that my first "relationship" (12yrs together, never married, 2 kids, but was never my 'pick') was a rebounder that turned into something. I want to hate her but she is a decent human. Good mother, not vengeful, but we never really clicked and something in me always knew that!
> 
> ...


There are several signs of depression in your post. Medication could be a great step, but remember, medication is not a cure. For some people it is a magic pill, but others need a combination of medication, therapy, diet, and/or lifestyle changes to feel better. For you, therapy will not work if you won't be vulnerable with the therapist. Showing up and emptying your wallet is not enough.

For medications, the best antidepressant is whatever works for YOU. There are plenty out there but not every med works for every person. The first two doctors seem to try are Zoloft and Lexapro. For me, Zoloft was a nightmare (suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, messed up thoughts/actions) and Lexapro worked okay but made me sick. I know other people who do amazing on one or both of those drugs. So other people's experiences are just that... their experiences.

You have to be willing to stick with the meds for at least 6 weeks and stick through the adjustment period. Your doctor may start you at a low dose and slowly increase it. They may also add on an additional med later on. They will also want to treat one problem at a time, so if you have depression and anxiety, doctors will usually start with one, get that under control, then tackle the other issue(s). It's a slow process so don't expect overnight results. You may find the first medication doesn't work for you, it happens. I've been on 4 different antidepressants this year.

If you're concerned about weight gain, you may want to ask about Wellbutrin. It is known to suppress your appetite, other antidepressants can increase your appetite. It's also better for your sex drive.


----------



## Doug Dimmadome (Oct 9, 2020)

Sounds like you're suffering from depression and nihilism (in a philosophical sense, not the cringe anarchist way). I would agree with @bobert . Wellbutrin being an NDRI will likely be the best option. SSRIs have too many sides, but I have seen Wellbutrin (bupropion) work wonders in a lot of family and myself. Being orderly myself, there is some underlying issue bothering you which is leading to your brain fog ("dizzy"). You mentioned the ex(s) and kids/family, though they do not really corollate with directly with any of your issues since a lot of that was in the past anyway. But speaking of them as much as you did makes me think that there is a lack of partnership which is bothering you, that you may be in denial of because of your past not-too-good experiences. This thought is keeping you from trying again or even attempting regular bonds/conversations with people. If you do have an issue with trying to form new bonds, it may just be healthy to attempt the previous ones you may have access to or can get access to i.e. instead of just writing the check. Explain your circumstance to the adult involved in your previous family and relay how it may be good for you to attempt to form a relationship with the kids. It isn't going to be easy, probably not going to be smooth sailing either. But considering you think you don't have much going on for yourself at this point; what do you have to lose.

That's just my take on it and not really advice. I am not a medical expert or anything in anyway. I do not mean to advise or criticize in a manner where you may feel the need to be defensive. Just offering my 2 cents based on what is written. But you would know your situation better than myself or anyone else here.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Unsure how to help either than the usual "go get professional help" line...

I'm INTJ too, apparently. Therapists are there to help you fix your own problems. In the end it's all on us. I came to the same conclusion in regards to being unsuited for relationships until I met my now partner. Like yourself, the women in my past were fine, it was me that was the issue. 

As for trust you can only trust your own instincts. It's never who you trust it's what you trust them to do. Reality is that humans cheat, cave into feelings, yes - and they are also scum, and many of which I would gladly throw into log splitters if I could, though garbage compactors would be more efficient. It's a reality I've accepted a long, long time ago. Also can't stand people and outside of work in public can't manage five minutes before getting worked up wanting to rip someone's spine out (strangely on this forum, I'm very nice). But there's so much more to life than these c-nts so I just cut them out as soon as I get home. Yet, without social interaction I go nuts, that's why I work in a field where I have to deal with people everyday - and my brain tolerates them because of $$$.

Perhaps your field doesn't really help with that...

I despised vulnerability, however I could not cut out my daughter no matter what. Guess she's my lifeline in which I held onto some measure of emotional health, and now with my partner I share my life with someone who I am completely transparent and vulnerability with, and even shares my violent fantasies while still maintaining public responsibility as to not become serial killers. However, not once in my life have I lost mental acuity - when sober at least, I never took psychoactive medication unless you count alcohol, tobacco and marijuana in the past. 

But there was always someone there to keep me sane, so maybe cutting out everyone isn't the best solution right now.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well, the only way I can explain the "fog" is maybe like spinning around for a while, then stopping, though there really is not spinning going on in my head. I guess what I keep mumbling to myself is "I don't know what screws my last ex took from me, but apparently I needed them"..... My brain went down a very dark road for a couple months with that deal, and I never recovered. That was 3 yrs ago. 

I can make it through an entire day, then look back on that day and realize all I accomplished was getting out of bed and making coffee. I really don't have any need to rush anything anymore, but i'd like this dizzy thing to go away. 

I moved to a remote area hoping it would revive my mental state and though it is very relaxing, if anything mentally, I got worse. 

I will look into the NDRI mentioned. Not saying I am certain to jump on meds, but seems like I need to try something. I was also considering herbal remedies but none of that is regulated so probably a good way to waste money.


----------



## Doug Dimmadome (Oct 9, 2020)

well if you got nothing else to do, you might find satisfaction in just googling the medication. I read as many studies possible before taking something to know what it does and how it does it. Turns out i actually enjoy that sort of research; especially if im putting that substance in my body. Yeah the herbal remedies is flushing down dollar bills. You got this though; good luck!


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Even if you don't have things that have to get done, you should still get out and do things. Go for a walk, find a new hobby or rediscover an old one, etc. Unwillingness to do that is a big sign of depression. Doing things like that will help you feel better. 

And yeah, skip the "herbal remedies". Therapy, medication, lifestyle changes and diet are what will help.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobsmith said:


> I moved to a remote area hoping it would revive my mental state and though it is very relaxing, if anything mentally, I got worse.


Yeah, as I mentioned don't think complete social isolation works. Even for INTJ.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Some people smoke a little herb now and then, helps. 
Many studies show that does indeed provide a little stress relief and tangential thinking, breaks a person out of a box for a while and that can lead to less stress overall. 

That's an individual choice, yes, no, all what you think re cannabis.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Some people smoke a little herb now and then, helps.
> Many studies show that does indeed provide a little stress relief and tangential thinking, breaks a person out of a box for a while and that can lead to less stress overall.
> 
> That's an individual choice, yes, no, all what you think re cannabis.


Hahaha, well if I was in a remote location and going mad, I definitely would be cropping an entire ecosystem:


----------



## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

I took depression meds during my divorce. The side effects are different for everyone. One will cause weight gain for one person and weight loss for another. So if you go on one, know you may have to try a few different ones before you find one that works for you. Wellbutrin and Prozac are probably the two most common. 

And when researching online, don't let the talk of depression meds/suicide scare you. I'm sure it happens, but IMO it's overblown. And don't feel bad...depression meds are one of the most commonly prescribed drugs.


----------



## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Hahaha, well if I was in a remote location and going mad, I definitely would be cropping an entire ecosystem:
> 
> View attachment 72078


How did you get in my basement???


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And remember that depression drugs of today are no guarantee.

Not like mothers little helpers, valium, of yesteryear.

Unless you have a dr that hands out 15mg tabs by the hundreds.

I knew a guy about 25 yrs ago that had a script for 9 or 10 diazepam tabs a day, he took for years then stopped, but dr kept prescribing, he had bottles stored up.

Not promoting by any stretcg, just pointing out meds may not be the only answer, maybe part, maybe none.

Hang in there!!


----------



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

We have several similarities. INTJ engineer with limited relationship experience. I've had one relationship that ended officially two years ago. My breakup wasn't quite the dumpster fire that yours seems to have been but I definitely had the unmotivated, foggy thinking for a while. I'm a bit cynical but not to the level you are. There's likely a woman out there that would be happy with me and we could incorporate our lives into each other's but there's a very small chance that in this big world of ours that we'll actually cross paths. I wouldn't consider people in general untrustworthy or unfaithful but they are fallible.

My mental fog lasted most of the year following the separation. I did a lot of going through the motions. I was present in body but not in mind at work. Doing stuff with the kids was really the only thing that added color to life. At all. I think one thing that helped was that I never really allowed myself to be still. On my non-kid weekends I went on long runs, did yard work, and cleaned the house from sunup to sundown all the while listening to audio books. I didn't brood or think about things.

On the point of it all, I don't have a ton to add. I have kids so I'm going to make sure that they get as good of a start as I can get for them. I've got a couple non work goals that keep me motivated (fitness goals, reading goals, financial goals) but honestly I could take or leave work as a whole. In the big picture I know that none of it really matters but it keeps me busy and interested for now. In 6 years my youngest will be getting out of HS and I'm probably going to probably have a(nother) nihilistic crisis at that time unless there is someone else here that I care about by that time.

In the end my fog cleared for the most part. I can be productive at work and interested in family. For me it mostly just took time and consistent action. I probably _should_ have sought help but didn't. You're ahead of me in that way at least. Good luck.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

A success story!!

Good job!!!


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well I am quite an onion of sorts and my story is just too much to unpack here but basically I took a hard hit with the 1st ex because that was the realization that my kids would be a product of a broken home. Yes, most families are broken, but I had it in my head since my teens that I wouldn't walk that road. It was an immediate realization that seeing my kids only 50% of the time was as good as it would ever get. 

Then found my 2nd ex, someone that hit all the marks instantly, something no one has ever done in my life. I had bought an engagement ring and we planned for more kids. I watched her hop on a new dude, get married in months, crank off 2 kids, and build a new house in less than 3yrs. 

My life compass is now broken, and you just cannot buy back time wasted. I am now beyond having a "family" and it has lead to a feeling of "where am I even going? What am I doing?" The reality is I just don't care. I have a mirror by my kitchen table and when I sit and eat with my plastic fork and paper plate, I just see nothing. 

To me, it feels like PTSD, at least similar in symptoms. I keep on with these stupid online dating sites as something to do, but as is the case today, talking to yet another one and she is "sooo excited to meet me" and I will probably start ignoring her soon until she goes away because even the 'thought' of meeting someone new makes me nauseous with fear and anxiety. It's like I want to test the waters but realizing I am paralyzed. Hell, I am shaking just typing this. I don't want to do any of it again! I am insanely selective and I don't want anyone knowing my inner thoughts or behaviors. 

I avoid all large family gatherings because the same old questions come up and I just have to lie and provide the answers that are typical of chit chat. My close family accepts it. I go to wally 30min before they close so I can avoid people. I usually leave my place 1-2x/week just to get stuff. 

I think regarding meds, I have heard a lot of really bad symptoms and I am not even entirely sure what my issue really is. I would think I would need to go through quite a list with a psych just to figure out the right course. I tried Paxil many years ago for social anxiety and it snuck up so gradual, I never realized how radically it changed me! I recall driving down the road and emptying a pistol in the air for no reason at all! Obviously I am trying to weigh the good and bad here because it is not like I will have a subjective person around to evaluate me, and I would have to do that myself.


----------



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

bobsmith said:


> To me, it feels like PTSD, at least similar in symptoms.


You don't have to be in combat to have PTSD. You would definitely not be the first person that got it from relationship and life stress. Your reaction to your breakups sounds a lot like a traumatic event.



bobsmith said:


> I don't want to do any of it again!


In the weeks and months post-separation I had read nonstop about how to deal with divorces and breakups. One of the suggestions was to write your feelings down in a journal as a cathartic activity. I have several pages that could be summed up as this. NEVER AGAIN over and over or with variations of NEVER *_* (dating, caring, be generous with time or effort, etc). I _think_ it helped. A scream into the void.


----------



## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

When relationships end, it can be traumatic. You pour yourself into someone, plan your life with them in mind, trust them and open yourself up to them. When it ends and they are suddenly a stranger, it messes with you and can make you afraid of being hurt again. It sounds like you have been hurt to an extent that it makes you afraid to invest yourself in other people, even your kids, because you can't stand to be hurt again. Your trauma was people related so people are your trigger so you avoid them.

As far as your medication question, I would have some questions to help determine if medication is appropriate. How are you sleeping, eating, concentrating? What is your general mood, energy level, etc,? You can actually self diagnose depression and anxiety pretty easily. Google the PHQ-9 form and fill it out and score it and that should tell you how severe your depression is. Google the GAD-7 form, fill it out and score it and that can tell you how severe your anxiety is. As far as PTSD, are you having nightmares or flashbacks? You are definitely showing avoidance by staying away from people. 

Are you willing to try therapy? I would try that before going straight to medicine. Medicine doesn't really fix the problem, it just kind of covers it up. Honestly, I think you need someone to talk to and process through everything. I often see medicine causing as many problems as it helps. Are you getting out of the house, even it's not around other people. like going for a walk or just being outside? Do you work? How do you keep yourself busy?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I have met people who say taking drugs for their mental health was the best thing they ever did. But one size does not fit all. Even if two people had the same condition it's no guarantee the same drug would work the same way on both people. There are many psychotropic drugs and many combinations of them. 

The path to success is to be patient and realize that some drugs work fairly quickly and some take even a couple of months to build up in your system to start working properly. And also be patient about side effects but report them all to your prescribing physician and never stop taking or take less of any psychotropic drug yourself without your physician telling you to. 

Some people have side effects that go away fairly quickly, but it's imperative that you let your doctor know about any side effects and how the drug is making you feel and then let the doctor be the one to decide whether to change the dosage or change the medicine or add something to it. That process can take a long time sometimes, so you have to be patient and not just blow off all meds because the first one you tried didn't work. 

Good luck.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Violet28 said:


> As far as your medication question, I would have some questions to help determine if medication is appropriate. How are you sleeping, eating, concentrating? *what lead to my suicide issues was lack of sleep. Days without. These days I am able to sleep but I would not say deep good sleep. I could really go days without eating but I do force myself and I eat quality food. Meat/eggs/greens/nuts/yogurt/etc. Obviously concentration is an issue. If I am working out something complex, I forget things. Like a NASA engineer forgetting to carry a zero.... *What is your general mood, energy level, etc,? *I generally just fool people with my "fine" mood but mostly moot. Not bummed, not happy, just flat. Energy is I guess OK. I am healthy but I find that if I try to work out, I shake and have no where close to my normal strength. *You can actually self diagnose depression and anxiety pretty easily. Google the PHQ-9 form and fill it out and score it and that should tell you how severe your depression is. Google the GAD-7 form, fill it out and score it and that can tell you how severe your anxiety is. As far as PTSD, are you having nightmares or flashbacks? *Probably more than I want to admit. I don't think I can remember some of the stuff I do when I sleep but I remember having violent convulsions like someone shocking me with high voltage. Also, a couple women I slept with in the past mentioned I wake up crying in some sort of meltdown, but I can't remember the details. Usually I can remember something for a short time only. *You are definitely showing avoidance by staying away from people.
> 
> Are you willing to try therapy? I would try that before going straight to medicine. Medicine doesn't really fix the problem, it just kind of covers it up. Honestly, I think you need someone to talk to and process through everything. I often see medicine causing as many problems as it helps. Are you getting out of the house, even it's not around other people. like going for a walk or just being outside? *I used to work out a lot. Today I might go run 1x/week when stress gets to extremes that I can't handle it. *Do you work? *I don't think I have really "worked" like I used to for years. I do just enough to pay the bills. Work from home. *How do you keep yourself busy? *I don't. I paid one bill today and stepped outside for 10min. Other than that, just mindless crap on the inet. Just another day down.*


Replies above.


----------



## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

bobsmith said:


> I have ......... the screws loose to prove it.


No ****.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Take a summer (or winter, now) long trip somewhere and put yourself in a different environment for a period.

Harder during covid, but not impossible.


----------



## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

bobsmith said:


> Replies above.


With those answers and severity of the symptoms, I think you would benefit from taking an antidepressant. It sounds like you have almost every symptom of depression. I would try an antidepressant for several months and see if things improve before trying any anti-anxiety meds, though. Those can be addictive and I have seen patients begin to rely on the anti-anxiety meds way more than antidepressants.

You did not answer if you are willing to see a therapist or not? There is alot of telehealth going on right now and you could see a therapist through the computer if you don't want to go to an office. My feeling is that teletherapy is less effective than in person, but you have to work with what's available. You say that talking to a therapist isn't helpful for you but here's the thing, you need to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a therapist but you still to need to talk about this to someone, a friend, a family member, someone! Connection with others is one our needs, it doesn't have to be alot of people but you need someone to talk to. The isolation is not good for you. 

As far as what meds will work best, that is simply a matter of trial and error. With your anxiety, I might stay away from Prozac and Wellbutrin as I feel those affect people kind of like 'uppers' and you don't need it amping up your anxiety. Zoloft is pretty common, Effexor seems to be a pretty calming medication. Eventually your fog will begin to clear and some of your motivation and energy will return. These are just feelings that you are going through right now and remember that feelings can change. 

You said your life compass is broken, I think a lot of people can relate to that. Several times you thought you were a certain path then boom you took a wrong turn and hit what seems to be a dead end. Suddenly you cant see the forest for the trees. Life can fall apart and it's ok to take a break from people for a while but eventually you have to start living again.


----------



## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

kukuriga said:


> I have had experience in this treatment, if you can call it that. I was in a terrible depression last year that consumed me and I felt terrible, my mental health was very much affected. That's why I turned to weedsmart.net for a drug that I have heard a lot about, my friends and acquaintances in social networks told their stories when they were helped by cannabis, mushrooms or kratom. I saw how their lives were changing so much, which is why I tried it too. Now I can safely tell you that this tool is really effective in combating these problems.


Wow.. it took weedsmart.net to be turned on to weed?

I thought that that was why we had high school.

I hope the OP is doing ok.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I’m not sure any med can fix this line of thinking. 

Symptoms, yes, meds are great for the those.

See a professional and see what they have to say.

I assume you’re functioning ok in life, eating, sleeping ok?

Sorry for your kids that you don’t see them, maybe it’s for the best though, I hope they’ll be ok when they’re married and having kids. Don’t really know the background.

Quiet seriously though, because a therapist will ask, any behavioural issues when you were younger? What was the family dynamic at home and where/how did you fit in as a member of the family unit.

Look, thoughts and feelings aren’t forever, you won’t always be like this, but if it’s weighing you down, see someone. That’s the responsible thing to do.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Wow, is that a scammer that refreshed this thread? No weed for me. Never been into drugs other than alcohol.


----------

