# how do i cope with this pain? any help please?



## dhwolf (Jan 10, 2013)

hello and thanks for clicking on my thread first of all and if u can offer any advice i thank you in advance, im new here...ive been married since 2010 now around may 8th, im a couple of months away from my third year of marrige and we already have 2 kids maybe one more on the way. i remember the first time i had found out she had cheated on me i was at college and looking at her laptop when i noticed her chat log had some...disturbing thoughts...it turned out she had cyber sex with some random guy over the internet because i had gotten into a fight with her over some stupid thing she said. when i found out i was filled with rage pain sadness and well u know what one feels when he/she finds out, i had spoken to her after she got out of class and took me a couple of weeks to even speak to her calmly again...and all of this happened before we got married. After our marrige and our first kid she went at it again but this time with some ex-boyfriend of her's online thru that damn facebook, i found out and stopped it before it got any further, i dont know why but i forgave her again and tried to forget about it after a month or two...but then after about a year and a half sometime after our 2nd kid she went at it again but this time with two of her ex-boyfriends again at the same time...she said alot of sexual stuff on there and well it hurt so much to read that...i almost left her and i wanted to take the kids and get far away as possible but i dont know why i still forgave her after a while and continued our lives with our kids...sometimes i think im still here just for them, deep down i know and feel like i love her so much and i really dont want to go thru seperation but did i do the right thing? to this very day when i hear her cell phone ring or even vibrate i feel sick to my stomach thinking its another guy texting her again since she has done it many times before and she say's its nothing but usually sometimes it is something if u know what i mean. i really want to save my marrige but she has the tendancy to lie alot and hide things and even sometimes running away with our children, which has happened once or twice, she claims shes changing and wants to save our marrige but ive been dealing with depression anger and anxiety most of the time last year and its still haunting me today, i know im not a perfect husband and i have my moments we all do, but i have never lied or cheated on her once, i let her read everything nothing has a password she dosnt know of...but sometimes i dont know about her. i feel like im just a toy for her, all of my friends have left and i really aint very open to anybody at all...just typing this here is a challenge for me. my parents just argue and give me lectures and the only friend i have here only ignores my calls and never answers me so that just leaves me and my thoughts and worries to myself...and well she has a whole town of friends who she always talks to, but really all i want is a friend to say how i feel and want to express how i really feel. sometimes i feel like i made a huge mistake...did i? or am i doing the right thing to save the future of my two children who i love dearly, they deserve no BS (excuse my language if u know what that means lol) from me and my wifes problems. well long story hu? if u read thru it all thank you, i hope to get some responses.


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

Bless your heart. It sounds like she sees you as a push over and she does not respect you. She knows that you love her and that you are not going anywhere so she feels like she can do what ever she wants to. 

If I were you I would not put up with this behavior at all. I would call her out and ask her to leave. If she wants to text or party with men, tell her to go and leave the kids with you. After all, if she really loved you and the children she would not be doing this to you all. I believe that. 

If that does not snap her back to reality then nothing will. A least you will know. 

Good luck.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

DH: It would certainly seem that these patterns of hers was fastly ingrained into her well before you even knew her. Despite the family life and kids, she seems to be ardently displaying a longing for her single, carefree days, despite your stated love for her!

Time to do "the 180" and see if it will get her into counseling. If not, it's time to see your attorney to protect your marital rights and file for custody of your kids.

They and you both deserve something far better than this!

Sorry to see you here with us at TAM, but you've come to the right place!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I think you'd get more responses if you broke that all of text into paragraphs.


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## dhwolf (Jan 10, 2013)

Thanks d4life im pretty sure im going to get alot of positive help on here out.


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## dhwolf (Jan 10, 2013)

thats true arbitrator, thats almost what her life used to be before me lol, but im going to give it a shot and see what happens...you never know she might just do a 180 if she finally snaps...hopefully.


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## dhwolf (Jan 10, 2013)

lol true, Coffee Amore, i should but shes coming home in a little bit and well im not ready for her to read this yet, but ill edit it later but thanks for the tip.


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