# Do I stay or leave?



## kea123 (Jun 2, 2015)

I have been married for 33 years this year. I am 53 and my husband 60. I work fulltime and enjoy my work, he is a house husband and a bit of a recluse! He has never been as sociable as me, I love seeing family and friends but he was an only child so its all my family! We have friends we see but its always the same thing, we go to their house and have supper or they come to ours.

I have been going through the menopause over the last wee while and to be honest I am now feeling that I want a bit more excitement. He is not keen to go on holiday or away anywhere, quite happy at home! I would love to travel. 

I love going to my work cause there is plenty chat and laughs whereas at home I come in, get tea, which is made for me then sit in front of telly, he either sits and drinks and watches what he wants or goes away to his bed and I am left alone.

So, do I stay, its not that bad, when I feel OK I don't mind that much but I have felt quite anxious and depressed going through menopause and so if I leave and end up alone, will I feel worse!

I do feel like just running away but I know if I go he won't have me back, he has always said that.

Its a huge step and I don't know if I could cope myself.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

kea, there are many step you can take now to improve things. You sound a bit like my own mom and dad- my dad was perfectly content to sit and watch TV during all his waking hours. My mom wanted to travel, go out, enjoy thing out of the house.

She ended up building up her own interests. She joined a singing group, and has performed with them for over 20 years now. She went out with her (female only) group of friends to theater, shopping, day trips. She was able to get Dad to go on a few holidays (as long as the place had a TV.) 

My dad died several years ago. It took some time, but now my mom is doing great! She has retired and is finally getting to do the traveling that she's dreamed about her whole life. She just got back from a tour of the UK. 

You've been married a long time, and if things are tolerable I would encourage you to build your own life first, before completely dismantling what you have now.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sargon said:


> Well, if he has always said he won't take you back if you leave, then these problems have been going on for quite a while, not just since the menopause kicked in.
> 
> You're unhappy but unwilling to risk what you have. Maybe take a closer look at what you'd be giving up. *Doesn't sound like all that much.*


You gleaned that from the little she wrote? How do you come to that conclusion?



> Some might say, "Well you gave your vows to this man and he gave you 33 years of his life, and you say nothing about him being difficult to live with, and he's done nothing wrong, so why not consider all of that as well as his feelings" but it's obvious that you have no regard for what it might do to him and hey that's ok, just realize that you're being selfish and your lack of consideration for a man that you've spent 33 years with is somewhat appalling.


Count me as one who would say it. 

Alright since we are all making assumptions...I'll make some of my own: Okay so he's boring. Well you know what? He didn't just become boring when he retired. He's probably always been boring. She married the same man she is living with now. 

So she waits 33 years to decide she doesn't want to be married to a boring guy? Really? 

Kea, get into some marriage coaching or counseling. Demand it from him. Do everything you can to save your marriage. Don't just throw it away because you are bored. That's not a good reason. You would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You will regret it years from now when you get too old and frail to go gallivanting and all you want is a companion at home to hold hands with, watch TV and talk about your kids. 

Sounds to me like you have a good, steady, dependable, boring guy. Okay, so he's not a social butterfly. But you know what? 85% of most men above 45 are the same as him. Many men generally become less social as they get older...a lot of it is biology.


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## quiesedba (Apr 19, 2015)

he's cheating on you with the tv.... cant you see that.... divorce him.... then out him to all the cable subscribers.... do a 180 and get out of this terrible marriage... your 53 and menopause momma... you'll have no problem finding another guy


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Watch a movie called Shirley Valentine. The answer you seek is very clearly in it. Its a British movie with Pauline Collins.


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