# Is it possible to get her back after filing?



## Danny351

Separated 2 months today, I want reconciliation.
Hello

I have looked to this forum for the past few weeks to gauge how I am to deal with this.

I met my wife in 2003 at university. She was and is stunning and the woman of my dreams, the love of my life. 

After being friends until 2007 we started going out, then married in 2008 and have twins, one year old.

Her family never liked me, they actually didn't even attend the wedding. Her and I eloped and had a great wedding without them.

Since that time we reconciled with the family, but marriage issues always lead her back to them.

Strange issues as she would spend most days going over to her parents place for coffee and stay a few hours.

In 2010 we had a miscarriage. Massive issue for us, but in order to move on, we painted the home together, (well I did, she just watched of course) and we rebuilt. 

Shortly after, we were pregnant with twins. Since they were born both of us basically lead separate lives to a degree. I went into partnership with a colleage for a business and she relied on her parents a bit too much to help with the upbringing of the children.

After a short while, the marriage became strained, we separated for a week or so 2 times since the children were born. 

1. She said one morning, 'look I don't love you anymore' so I left, we reconciled a week later.

2. I went out a bit with my friends, she stayed at her parents and didn't come back for a week and a bit. I said that I could not live without her. She thought I was suicidal or something and came back. 

3. and current seperation. Unfortuntately I again went out with friends, came home at 8.30pm, so only out for a few hours. She said not to go to where I was going, a school reunion, but I went, she found out, then left.

Since the children were born I WAS NEVER ALLOWED to have the kids alone or take them anywhere. Once I was allowed to walk them to the shops and she called on my mobile phone about 17 times asking if they were ok. 

Now its been 8 weeks separated. After calling her to come back, She has taken 3/4 $ out of our account, she was taken her and the kids clothes, demanding that I draft up orders for the kids and property / divorce papers (we both are lawyers)

I did, gave her everything in the property (100%) and I was to see the kids 2 days per week. Thinking this was an awesome proposal, she called and yelled at me stating that I was taking her children from her. 

I remained calm and said, well I would rather you back, but this is reality, if you want it. I need to see the kids. 

She called my business partner constantly, asking how I am, what I am doing etc and I am trying to keep away to give her space.

She is hitting me where it hurts, I am a bit of a tightass, love to save my money, where I was proud of saving up as much as I had done. 

Her excuses were 'they may be trivial, but they mean a lot to me, the twins are hard to take care of, he cant care for them. He is always working, he works after hours some nights. We went out to buy a car, rather than buy an Audi or a BMW, he bought a Ford, he also lied to me about going to the reunion.

My side, she actually said 'if you don't buy this car, I will leave you.' As we had an older car, she wanted a new one, so we bought this one cash. Working after hours is necessary, I lied about the reunion as she constantly whinges at me for going to places and threatens to leave.

I also told her I wanted her back and will work towards it, but even now, at 8 weeks separated she is angry and hostile as ever. 

Im not sure if she is leaving me for good, or she is just teaching me a lesson. 

She knows how much I wanted to save the money, the one action that would kill me is to take it.

I sent her the divorce papers, she never signed them.

The home is still here, she has not called an agent. 

Some of her stuff is still there.

She is living at her parents still. 

I am the only guy she has been with as a partner and sexually. 

She is immensely paranoid. Always locks doors, always wants to check my phone and when there is no texts there from some people, she thinks I deleted them, has barred me of facebook. 

I have seen the kids 3 times at her cousins place for a 2 hours since we separated. 

I gave her 35 days no contact, sent an email outlining that I want her back, what I would do to make her happier. I called her and she still will not listen. 

Her best friend called me, she confided in her she had a breakdown. But still does not want me back. Her friend told her she is an idiot. 

I have not seen my kids in 6 weeks. 

I want her back, talked about seeing kids but she does not want me to see them.

She saw a lawyer, received a letter wanting me to see the kids supervised, like I'm some nut, I sent one back, nice enough saying look we would like weekend contact, here is a psych report saying I'm more than ok. 

She has not responded. 

I'm ready to file, I think she may even come back if I do, but dam, she just will not talk. Picks up the phone, talks over me, then hangs up.

I still want this to work. I've tried everything else, would filing in court and having her a rich dose of reality that I am not a bank, door mat, her security blanket anymore? 

Any ideas guys?


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## *LittleDeer*

Firstly what would she say if she could post her side here? Be honest.

Also have you behaved in a trustworthy manner? Have you chatted with other women, flirted? Chatted to women on Facebook etc? 

Long hours might be necessary, but you do need to have a family life balance. Perhaps she doesn't trust you with the children because you haven't spent hardly any time with them. Are you the type of man who looks after the children half heartedly so that you will not be trusted or asked to do it? Do you enjoy being with your children? What regular things do you do for and wit them?

If she wasn't getting much help from you and you weren't home much, having her parents help may have been necessary because looking after young children by yourself is exhausting and hard.

Perhaps you could be the type of man who has great values and morals and that she can trust implicitly. Don't be a doormat but don't be a azz hole either. You need to have a good balance. Put your marriage and family first but do what you feel is right.

And maybe you are too tight with money. It's great to save and you absolutely should, but you also need to allow for some fun too, so you can both enjoy yourself.

As a parent you need to step up and do what needs to be done without being asked and just be there and be a good father.

Also how much time did you put into one on one time with your wife? Did you do nice things for her and take the time to listen to her every day?


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## 827Aug

I'm wondering if she is experiencing some mental problems. The paranoia, severe anxiety over leaving the children with you, erratic behavior, and someone indicating she had a breakdown are all flags. The fact that she told you to either buy a new car or she would leave isn't good either. It's bad that her love for you is conditional.

I wouldn't worry about filing. It doesn't sound as though you have a stable relationship. At least by filing you could get visitation/custody of your children. That's more important than worrying about getting your wife back.


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## Danny351

*LittleDeer* said:


> Firstly what would she say if she could post her side here? Be honest.
> 
> Also have you behaved in a trustworthy manner? Have you chatted with other women, flirted? Chatted to women on Facebook etc?
> 
> *No never at all.*
> 
> Long hours might be necessary, but you do need to have a family life balance. Perhaps she doesn't trust you with the children because you haven't spent hardly any time with them. Are you the type of man who looks after the children half heartedly so that you will not be trusted or asked to do it? Do you enjoy being with your children? What regular things do you do for and wit them?
> 
> *I spend as much time with them as I can actually. I do all regular things, mostly in the evening when she comes back from her family inisiting on spending time with them rather than I *
> 
> If she wasn't getting much help from you and you weren't home much, having her parents help may have been necessary because looking after young children by yourself is exhausting and hard.
> 
> Perhaps you could be the type of man who has great values and morals and that she can trust implicitly. Don't be a doormat but don't be a azz hole either. You need to have a good balance. Put your marriage and family first but do what you feel is right.
> 
> And maybe you are too tight with money. It's great to save and you absolutely should, but you also need to allow for some fun too, so you can both enjoy yourself.
> 
> *The thing is I do blow all my money on them. I spend nothing on myself*
> 
> As a parent you need to step up and do what needs to be done without being asked and just be there and be a good father.
> 
> Also how much time did you put into one on one time with your wife? Did you do nice things for her and take the time to listen to her every day?


*I screamed out to take her out all the time, she never wanted to go, but if I went somewhere with someone else, family or friends, she would scream at me and demand that I took her out, not them*


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## BrockLanders

Umm, is this the husband of the wife with the lawyer husband that we all thought was nuts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stedfin

Danny351 said:


> In 2010 we had a miscarriage.
> 
> Shortly after, we were pregnant with twins.


What do you mean "we had a misscarriage" and "we were pregnant"?

Typically that's the woman's issue.



Danny351 said:


> She said one morning, 'look I don't love you anymore' so I left, we reconciled a week later.
> 
> Since the children were born I WAS NEVER ALLOWED to have the kids alone or take them anywhere. Once I was allowed to walk them to the shops


You let her push you around too much. She says she doesn't love you and tells you to leave, so out you go. She changes her mind a week later so you come home. Now she wants out again, and you can't jump fast enough.

Stop being so freaking weak. Women don't go for that. 

Besides, in this case you're allowing her to keep your children from you. What father does this? Go see your kids for crying out loud! She can't keep them from you. Go over there and demand to see them and go take them for ice cream or something. 



Danny351 said:


> I'm ready to file


You sent her divorce papers. That means you already filed.


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## tacoma

BrockLanders said:


> Umm, is this the husband of the wife with the lawyer husband that we all thought was nuts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's something familiar about this story.

:scratchhead:


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## BrockLanders

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/70550-give-him-2nd-chance.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stedfin

Just read the other thread.

I don't care to speculate on whether or not a story is real, it's a waste of time for the most part. 

Seems to me like nothing more than two people who have no trust or respect for one another.

Or more accurately one person who doesn't trust or respect the other, and one who has no respect for himmself so he does whatever the other person tells him to do.


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## BrockLanders

One would think a lawyer wouldn't be so helpless in a situation like this where his spouse took money, withheld kids, etc. These are simple problems that a lawyer could resolve, yet he presents himself as helpless. This is clearly a troll.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

You need to file for divorce and ask for an emergency hearing so that you can get 2-3 days a week with your children. 

Sending her divorce papers who sign is not filing for divorce. Right now she thinks she has all the power. You have to do what is necessary to see your children.

Is your wife the woman on that other thread? If she is, I doubt that there is any hope for your marriage. She sounds like a very cruel person.


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## Danny351

I do feel helpless, but the documents will be sent to court next week. 

Just something tells me that if I take her power away, she will capitulate. 

I am not sure if it is my wife, if it is, I'm screwed!


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