# Thoughts on women asking men out.



## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi all, I have a quandary, I've met a man who I am interested in asking out. I met him at his place of employment, so as their customer I don't think he would ask me for my number. We chatted quite extensively the last time I was there, I know he's divorced, but I don't know if he's "single". I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of, "I enjoyed our conversation the last time I was in and saying if he'd ever want to grab a coffee or drink, I'd love to hear more". I'm very shy, quiet, reserved and this is far out of my comfort zone. I'd appreciate and thoughts or guidance on this. If it helps in the past I've been told I'm not hard on the eyes. 

Many thanks in advance.

ETA: yes I am female


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Go for it. Worst he can say is no. Never know if you don't try. It's 2016 not a big deal anymore.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

He may want to go out, but since you are a customer, he probably feels he cannot ask and put you in a uncomfortable position.

Ask!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Ask him out! I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman making the first move. I know a few marriages that started out with the woman asking the man out.

Still on the fence on women doing the proposing, though.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I would transition the relationship outside of business first, before asking him on a date. Friending him on Facebook for instance, and chatting socially for a few weeks. Then if that goes well, and you see some amount of interest on his part, then ask.

So next time you talk to him in the course of business, casually bring up Facebook, and ask if he'd be ok with a friend request. Then take it from there.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Never hurts to ask. Since men rarely get asked I have personally always found it very sexy, the confidence behind it


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Ask him out, you won't have a chance unless you try! My wife asked me out as did most of the women I've dated and I'm certainly glad they did.

Best of luck to you.

P.S. That said if you do ask, I encourage you to do it in person, in other words strike while the irons hot rather than wait too long. I wouldn't recommend wasting time building towards it on Facebook, have the courage to get to the point.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

I also say go for it. It's nice not to have all the pressure on us to make the first move once in a while.

And your "line" is a good one. Simple and honest, not cheesy or contrived.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Do it - and I agree with Personal, do it right away and in person. 

My cousin has a friend and I went out with them as a group about 15 years ago (me, my female cousin, and a few of her female friends). One of her friends and I seemed to hit it off, but me being like you (shy and reserved) I never followed up. Many years later, after I was married, my cousin told my mom how her friend really liked me. Looking back, I wish my cousin had either told me to call her friend or had her friend call me. FYI, this friend is still single - she's an attractive, classy woman, but I think was looking for a man with her religious/ethnic background (which I am). I would have loved to go out with her. 

Point of this rambling - do it now so that you don't have any regrets. I regret that I didn't ask out my cousins friend.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

BioFury said:


> I would transition the relationship outside of business first, before asking him on a date. Friending him on Facebook for instance, and chatting socially for a few weeks. Then if that goes well, and you see some amount of interest on his part, then ask.
> 
> So next time you talk to him in the course of business, casually bring up Facebook, and ask if he'd be ok with a friend request. Then take it from there.


This is a great idea, however I never add men I'm dating or anyone don't know well enough to have over for dinner, on my facebook. Ita pretty locked down and I really want to keep my personal life away from my kids until I know he's someone I can trust. I've met way too many creepers.

Thank you for the suggestion.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> Ask him out! I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman making the first move. I know a few marriages that started out with the woman asking the man out.
> 
> Still on the fence on women doing the proposing, though.


Lol, so true! Although my main issue is I'm old fashioned, so I can guarantee a marriage proposal is definitely out of my league.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Thanks everyone. I think I was more worried about coming off as too aggressive, hell even desperate. I guess I'll have to put on my big girl boots and just suck it up. Men have been doing this for centuries. I'm now so very thankful I have always tried to decline men with tack, actually being married was always a good excuse.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Definitely ask him out, just like you said. What's the worst that can happen?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

always_hopefull said:


> Thanks everyone. I think I was more worried about coming off as too aggressive, hell even desperate. I guess I'll have to put on my big girl boots and just suck it up. Men have been doing this for centuries. I'm now so very thankful I have always tried to decline men with tack, actually being married was always a good excuse.


My H's oldest and dearest friend was (and still is!) a catch. But he's a shy Jewish science nerd. He was way too shy and reserved to ask someone out very often, if at all.

He was stopping at a convenience store every evening after work and would chat with the clerk/manager. Just general hello's and how have you been's. One night, she wrote her number on the back of his receipt and put it in his bag with a smile.

He called for advice. Not ONCE did he mention her being aggressive or anything of the sort. He was much more worried about when to call her and what to say when he did! :grin2:

They're married now.


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

One more vote for asking him out. Just don't come across as desperate. Ask , if you are single , lets go _____


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Due to circumstances, my girlfriend did everything first in our relationship.

She was the one who first initiated the conversation about our attraction. She asked me out first. She was the first to initiate sex. She was the first to use the word "love". I even happened to meet her family before she met mine (I met her mom first; a few weeks later, I met the rest of her family. A few hours later she met most of mine.) Not once did I ever feel she was aggressive or turned off by it. Quite the opposite, I loved the fact that she was so into me that she initiated all of those things first.

Go for it!


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

always_hopefull said:


> Hi all, I have a quandary, I've met a man who I am interested in asking out. I met him at his place of employment, so as their customer I don't think he would ask me for my number. We chatted quite extensively the last time I was there, I know he's divorced, but I don't know if he's "single". I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of, "I enjoyed our conversation the last time I was in and saying if he'd ever want to grab a coffee or drink, I'd love to hear more". I'm very shy, quiet, reserved and this is far out of my comfort zone. I'd appreciate and thoughts or guidance on this. If it helps in the past I've been told I'm not hard on the eyes.
> 
> Many thanks in advance.
> 
> ETA: yes I am female


I worked in a sandwich shop. Generally when a woman liked you, it was pretty obvious, though I was always cautious about asking them out. One lady, I had no idea until she brought me a note asking me out (she was very shy). I said yes, mainly as she was very, very pretty.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

always_hopefull said:


> Thanks everyone. I think I was more worried about coming off as too aggressive, hell even desperate. I guess I'll have to put on my big girl boots and just suck it up. Men have been doing this for centuries. I'm now so very thankful I have always tried to decline men with tack, actually being married was always a good excuse.


Since you are his client you could also be a little more subtle and say something like:

"I have so much fun working with you, can I take you out to lunch..." or "I so appreciate all the xyz you've done for me! I'm going to be downtown tomorrow, can I buy you a drink after work?"

The advantage to that method is it's a little less risky because you're making it sound like a work thing. Of course the drawback is, it sounds like a work thing and he might not get the hint that you're interested in him.

I say ask him out the way you initially suggested, but if you can't work up the nerve, my method might be a good fall back plan.


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## Pinksapphire (Jun 18, 2016)

Ask him and I hope he says yes.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

Go for it. I would die to have a woman ask me out!


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