# Fiance's Fantasy...not sure about it...



## sunflowr23 (Jun 15, 2012)

I'm getting married next month and I'm really excited, I have no real complaints. However, my fiance has these fantasies that he wants me to agree to. The first one is to have a threesome with another woman. He originally asked me this last year & I reluctantly agreed to it. I have reservations about that, but I didn't feel like discussing it at the time. While we were on the phone a few days ago, I jokingly ask him if we were going to be that couple who did double dates with other married couples, he then answers yes. Though he does mention that he wants to be a swinger, it caught me off guard. I said that I didn't want to because I wasn't into any of that then he says then why did I agree to have a threesome. This really has me thinking about our marriage & what he expects from it. I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of sharing my husband, but I don't want to seem like I'm not open to things sexually with him. I know he's going to bring it up again, what should I tell him? He's not pushing me to do, it's just something that he's always wanted to do. 
Note: We've been together for over a year & we haven't had sex yet. Seems a bit odd, but I chose to wait until we got married and he was fine with it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Threesome? No. Say No. You don't want it, don't talk yourself into it.

You're not even MARRIED and he wants a THREESOME!? Holy crap, i wouldn't even marry him.

You will resent him, he will pressure you and it will all collapse soon enough. DO NOT MARRY HIM.

You wanted to wait until marriage...and he was fine with that, but wants threesomes and to be a swinger. Are you sure he hasn't been having sex on the side?

This is all BAD news. bad bad bad.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, dear. You haven't even had sex yet and he's trying to push you into threesomes?

No. Not good.

Now, fantasies are one thing, but it sounds to me that your fiance is trying to push you into fulfilling some of his fantasies, which is quite another thing. 

Let me try to put this into perspective for you -- I am older than dirt, compared to you, I've had many sexual relationships, and my current husband and I have a wonderful sex life, and for me, having him bring up a threesome would be a BIG EFFING DEAL.

For you? At this point in your relationship? Much bigger deal.

I am not feeling good about this at all. And yes, I think that you should rethink a lot of things.

By the way, you said, "he's not pushing me to do [it]." Well, yes. Yes, he is.

Are you going through any premarital counseling, through your church or synagogue, or anything?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Wouldn't it be difficult for you to go from being chaste to the complete opposite?

Does he wants an open marriage? Are you okay with that?


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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

Um. NO. NO NO NO.

I really don't understand the concept behind an open "marriage." It's totally not my thing.

However, my prejudices aside, I find that the ONLY way this could even sorta work for any amount of time (doubt it will last a lifetime TBH) is if both parties want it EQUALLY. You don't want this. You feel pressured and pushed into this. This is WRONG! Do not marry this boy...cough...ahem....man.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Do you think a man who is asking for threesomes, is the kind of man who is honourable enough to wait until marriage for sex??

Refrain from talking yourself into an act which clearly disgusts you. When that threesome is over, you will feel very used.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I just can't get over this. I'm sorry. You haven't even said, "i do", which is a GOOD thing...because you need to say you don't. Honestly...you want sex to be sacred and wait for it until you are married and he's talking about threesomes. You don't value sex the same and it will effect, if not destroy, you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You'll still be paying off the wedding while you contemplate divorce.

I'm not trying to be rude, even if it comes across that way...but why are you so desperate to marry this man? He clearly doesn't respect you enough to keep sex sacred (he must know you think it's sacred since you're waiting for marriage), and he wants to swing! He wants to have sex with other women....that's what it comes down to. Are you ok with this? I wouldn't be. Hell to the no.


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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Do you think a man who is asking for threesomes, is the kind of man who is honourable enough to wait until marriage for sex??
> 
> Refrain from talking yourself into an act which clearly disgusts you. When that threesome is over, you will feel very used.


Yeah I totally missed that last sentence of the OP. My gut tells me he's already cheating on her. 

If you haven't had sex because you're waiting for marriage, why the hell would you agree to a threesome? You don't even fully understand sex without ever having it so how can you consent to an act that many sexually evolved people consider a really bad idea. 

You need to find the RIGHT man to marry and give yourself to....not just ANY MAN. Yikes.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. I'd bet that he is already sleeping with other people 

This is a horrible situation.  My advice is to call off the wedding. I've called one off...it sucks for a minute but hey, it saved my life.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I rarely if ever have the urge to call up a convoy of TAM posters to descend on someone in person and beat the crap out of them, but I sure do right now...

Sunflower, you deserve better. You know that in your heart or you would not have posted here. Run far, run fast. If your daddy protests about losing his deposits, tell him just what you told us.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh I'd eat ALLLL the deposits if my daughter came to me with this story. I'd even pay MORE money to have that man NEVER talk to my daughter again.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

You need to RUN not walk away from him. Now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

lamaga said:


> I rarely if ever have the urge to call up a convoy of TAM posters to descend on someone in person and beat the crap out of them, but I sure do right now...
> 
> Sunflower, you deserve better. You know that in your heart or you would not have posted here. Run far, run fast. If your daddy protests about losing his deposits, tell him just what you told us.


I have an extra pair of brass knuckles AND a switchblade!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sunflowr23 (Jun 15, 2012)

Let me clear a few things up: Although I chose to wait until we got married to have sex, I am not a virgin. I came to a point in my life where I chose not to have any more casual sex with someone i wasn't married to. No, he's not pushing anything on me, I have never felt pressured by him & I refuse to be forced into something I don't want to do.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, Denial ain't just a river in Egypt...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don`t know if I`d go so far as to advise running.

I will adivise the OP to draw some hard boundaries as to what she is and isn`t ok with sexually and do it now.

sunflowr you guys sound young, what are your ages?

I`d like to chime in that I am of the opinion that waiting for marriage is asking for trouble and this is one of the reasons.

If you have no sex life with your fiancé how are you supposed to learn his limits, needs, desires?

You have a far better chance of running across a sexual problem before you`re committed legally and it becomes a majorly bad situation that can`t be resolved easily if at all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sunflowr23 said:


> Let me clear a few things up: Although I chose to wait until we got married to have sex, I am not a virgin. I came to a point in my life where I chose not to have any more casual sex with someone i wasn't married to. No, he's not pushing anything on me, I have never felt pressured by him & I refuse to be forced into something I don't want to do.


You have already agreed to a threesome. Do you want a threesome?

Will he go for a threesome with you, him and a guy?


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## sunflowr23 (Jun 15, 2012)

We are going to do premarital counseling, we both agreed to it. As far as our ages, I'm 23 and he is 30. I know, I shouldn't have said yes, but I honestly didn't think he'd seriously remember that. I was far too tired to talk about it the first time.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Tell him what you've told us. You don't want any outside parties involved in sex. Then let him decide what to do.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

sunflowr23 said:


> We are going to do premarital counseling, we both agreed to it. As far as our ages, I'm 23 and he is 30. I know, I shouldn't have said yes, but I honestly didn't think he'd seriously remember that. I was far too tired to talk about it the first time.


Sunflowr,

In the future know that anytime you agree to permit a second woman into a mans bed with you...he`s going to remember.


Not a problem though just tell him you won`t agree to it.
It`s a woman's prerogative isn`t it?

If you`re not going to have sex with him until marriage you should at the very least set boundaries for each other as to what you`re expectations are sexually.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you asked him outright if he has already been swinging, etc.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Everybody covered what I wanted to say...so Ill just say please be sure. Because fantasies this strong...this specific and this dangerous dont just evaporate in men. And no..women cant change their man. It doesnt happen.

So be sure what you're getting into.


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## sunflowr23 (Jun 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Have you asked him outright if he has already been swinging, etc.


Yes, I've already asked him & he said no he hasn't.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

sunflowr23 said:


> We are going to do premarital counseling, we both agreed to it.


That's good. I've done premarital counseling. But let me tell you that swinging doesn't come up.



sunflowr23 said:


> I know, I shouldn't have said yes, but I honestly didn't think he'd seriously remember that. I was far too tired to talk about it the first time.


That's crap. Do me a favor and say "no" out loud. How long did that take? One second? You could even double it and say "no way" in two seconds. You were too tired for that?

You need to have a frank discussion with your fiance about sex. If you want your sex life to be between the two of you, then you need to tell him that explicitly. Tell him you can put the wedding on hold if he needs to think about it. Neither one of you should feel like you're on a runaway train bound for marriage. This is a big deal that could absolutely put a big dent in your future.

Divorce is never fun. But divorce when you spent your engagement period ignoring red flags really sucks.


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

I can promise you he is having sex somewhere---if he is talking threesomes already? Sorry, but I guarantee it. I'm with the others--this has bad written all over it unless your actually cool with the idea.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

From what I have grown to understand, the dynamics of threesomes have a very strong possibility of introducing an element of jealousy to your relationship. 

These sorts of arrangements (I've been told) have caused many break-ups and should only be approached by participants who are very secure with the relationship they have with their partner. Being that you have hesitations about trying the experience to begin with, and that your current relationship is less than 2 years old... I would seriously suggest speaking to him about your reservations, and put this off until a time when you are: willing, and, when both of you are very secure in what you have together and have built a ton of trust together.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Your marriage is doomed. If you were my close friend, I'd tell you the same thing. In fact, I did tell a friend that! Her man had a very low sex drive and hers is high. She married him anyway and they are now divorcing. ...she wants more sex and he wants it MAYBE 2 times a year. 

You two are not compatible. Maybe in some things, but not in the bedroom. If my husband wanted to eff other women, he'd be out the door.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When there is sexual frustration, sexual sadness, sexual strife, it doesn't matter what else you are compatible with. THIS will take over. You can't go bowling with someone you know wants to screw other women...I promise you he will not let this fantasy go. Once you're married, he'll pressure you harder and harder. But that's just waht I've seen around these boards. It's a HUGE red flag that you are ignoring. Good luck.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I don't understand waiting until marriage if you are not a virgin.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I don't understand waiting until marriage if you are not a virgin.


I don`t understand waiting for marriage if you are a virgin.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

All I can suggest is stop agreeing to do things that you don't actually want to do. He's not going to forget, and when you turn him down after you're married, he'll have a ton of resentment about your "bait and switch". The same as if he agreed to have kids before you got married, and then he decided after he didn't want them.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

sunflowr23 said:


> I'm getting married next month and I'm really excited, I have no real complaints. However, my fiance has these fantasies that he wants me to agree to. The first one is to have a threesome with another woman. He originally asked me this last year & I reluctantly agreed to it. I have reservations about that, but I didn't feel like discussing it at the time. While we were on the phone a few days ago, I jokingly ask him if we were going to be that couple who did double dates with other married couples, he then answers yes. Though he does mention that he wants to be a swinger, it caught me off guard. I said that I didn't want to because I wasn't into any of that then he says then why did I agree to have a threesome. This really has me thinking about our marriage & what he expects from it. I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of sharing my husband, but I don't want to seem like I'm not open to things sexually with him. I know he's going to bring it up again, what should I tell him? He's not pushing me to do, it's just something that he's always wanted to do.
> Note: We've been together for over a year & we haven't had sex yet. Seems a bit odd, but I chose to wait until we got married and he was fine with it.


Run away. This is not the partner you are looking for.

He is talking about swinging and you have not had sex yet!?

So you feel you wish to be married before having sex but he is fine with sharing you with others ...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

sunflowr23 said:


> Let me clear a few things up: Although I chose to wait until we got married to have sex, I am not a virgin. *I came to a point in my life where I chose not to have any more casual sex with someone i wasn't married to.* No, he's not pushing anything on me, I have never felt pressured by him & I refuse to be forced into something I don't want to do.


But you agreed to have casual sex in a threesome!? :scratchhead:

Your husband wants you to have casual sex with some number of other men while he has sex with some number of other women.

Do you think your values just might not be compatible here?

NEVER agree to anything that you know you are against doing. If you find you did agree to something that you later feel you should not do you can change your mind. AT ANY TIME.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

If you want to almost guarantee a divorce, have a threesome. Threesomes are for the skanky girlfriend you meet before you find the woman of your dreams or porn stars...... not for married couples.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

sunflowr23 said:


> However, my fiance has these fantasies that he wants me to agree to. The first one is to have a threesome with another woman.... I know he's going to bring it up again, what should I tell him?


Against my better judgement I feel compelled to post on this one. Much like Iamega said this particular post just urges me to action.

Sunflower. Both myself and my wife are "sex positive". We are creative and we explore all manner of things. The idea of threesomes and much, much stranger stuff than that is pretty normal around here. Carol and I do not fit the mold here. TAM thinks of her as a "blow up doll" and me... god only knows what. I'm belaboring this point because I want you to see that if ANYONE was going to be positive about such an idea it'd probably be me. But I don't think that. What I think is that your fiancee is proposing a horrible idea and, bluntly, is being terribly insensitive among other things.

What I'm really worried about here is the old "try to change your spouse" trick. It never works. You don't marry a smoker with a promise of them stopping -- they won't. In that same vein, your fiancee is marrying a chaste woman and wanting a swinger? How silly is that? 

Sure, if you're marriage goes really well then given your post here I might see it as possible you get there at some point if that's how things happen to develop. That's kind of what happened to Carol and I. But that point is a long way off for you two. There is much bonding to be done between you two before it becomes feasible -- if it ever does... something I'd think of as possible but unlikely. The fact that he doesn't know that is more than a bit troubling.

I sympathize here. I really like your attitude of wanting to be sexually adventurous for your man. Good on you. _The world needs more fast women and slow men._ LOL.

*But you should say "No"*. 

If he doesn't accept a flat-out "no" from you gracefully you should review whether this is the right man for you. A couple's sexuality, when surrounded by love, nurturing, safety & security can grow in all sorts of unexpected directions. Carol and I are living proof of that. But that process takes time, safety, teamwork, empathy, and time... then some more time. 

Very seldom do I say things quite this bluntly, but _"I want my chaste wife to be a kinky swinger."_ is the thought process of a selfish child. Why isn't he just marrying a kinky/swinger/poly girl if that's what he wants?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I should add... My GF and I have also dipped our toes into the "alternative" lifestyle, with a threesome and visit to a sex club. But the only way this could possibly work is because our communication is great, especially on the sex stuff. And as an FYI, she's been the one to bring the fantasies up, and to make them real. But neither of us is "pushing" the other.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Anyone else thinking he's really not fine with it?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not fine with no sex? I'm sure he's gettin' it somewhere...so, he's ok.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Anyone else thinking he's really not fine with it?


I'm not thinking that nor do I see where, in her post, such a conclusion can be reached. I don't particularly see the value in reading in [theoretical] problems to Sunflower's situation. It seems to me that the problem she HAS presented has more than enough merit all on it's own. It doesn't need any help.

This is an excellent reminder of why lurking here is a more appropriate choice for me. But before I go back to doing so, one last good wish for you Sunflower.

Good luck with this. It's not an insurmountable problem and I, at least, do not think your fiance is the scum of the earth. Try to be a team with him. Try to explore the various viewpoints that have been presented in this thread WITH HIM. See how it shakes out. Teamwork in a marriage is a wonderful thing. Working this out with him now in a _*mutually*_ loving and nurturing way will be an excellent foundation for your marriage.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Rebuke noted, Jeff. And it was deserved.


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Not fine with no sex? I'm sure he's gettin' it somewhere...so, he's ok.


Yep!


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

Sunflowr23,

It's interesting to me to note that usually, if your spouse is asking for something that perhaps you're somewhat apprehensive about, more often than not, you may receive advise that would ask you to try to get over your hesitations and give this thing a try for their sake. But in this particular question there seems to be an overall agreement that perhaps you should reconsider... 

So, for what it's worth, take it from a guy who married his dream girl and loves her to this day (even if it took her 15 years to admit to being that "skanky girlfriend" some may have may had a threesome with long before I ever met her) that perhaps having a threesome _after_ you are married, might not be the best thing for a legally binding relationship. 

Best of luck to you. =)


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I don't understand waiting until marriage if you are not a virgin.


This was me and my now ex W. Neither of us were virgins, but my ex felt shame for her sexual history (she has been a man's AP one time and also felt some shame for what I now look at as normal healthy adult sexual relationships).

At the time it seemed good, seemed like we were saving off something important - she was the one maintaining this idea though, and I even told her that I would wait but that I would also have no qualms about premarital sex, that I was holding off until our wedding out of respect for her. Of course, we still fooled around, lots of oral, just no intercourse.

I don't know if this was just niceguy behavior from me (I'm sure that was part of it) or if it was a sh!t test from her, seeing just how much power she had over me. She loved the respect I afforded her at the beginning but by the end she came to lose her respect for me because I never imposed anything on her once, never had to enforce a boundary with her because mine were loose and until the end she was always within those boundaries.

Why am I saying this? Because i think it is possible to wait for marriage and still have a healthy relationship without sex, but it is much more challenging because the dynamic will change a lot once the relationship becomes sexual, as marriages are supposed to. It is brutally tough to understand your marital boundaries when you have little to base it on before the marriage.

As to the threesomes, before my marriage my now ex and I would have discussions, just as we would have discussions on any topic, on it but neither of us expressed a desire to pursue one, nor asked for one (I can't even comprehend actually asking for threesome before 1 on 1 has even happened??)


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Agreed, Lon!

And the whole waiting till marriage thing -- I try really hard to respect people's religious convictions, but...But! There is actually such a thing as sexual incompatibility, and it sure would be good to know about that before taking vows...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I don`t understand waiting for marriage if you are a virgin.


:lol::lol: My bad. I went back and fixed the typo later.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> I know.
> 
> How can these wait til marriage people not see that?


Well like I said, I had no issue waiting for intercourse, however their was plenty of satisfaction to be had still, there was still complete sexual compatibility between my ex and I.

At the very foundation of each of us though, I came to learn the hard way there probably wasn't ultimate compatibility, but if we'd gone all the way before marriage we still wouldn't have realized it.

So I don't have any regrets about not having intercourse before marriage, however I now wonder if my own sexual appetite and deep-seated perspective about sex really has ever been healthy or not...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> As a self proclaimed armchair expert in psycho-analysis with no formal training what so ever, I don't pick up on any unhealthy views in your postings.


trust me, they are there. I was raised in a very religious home where sex was taught to be shameful, I never ever saw my parents showing affection for each other, never once heard them, saw them or caught them having sex... and grew up completely bashful around girls, or anything sexual in nature, I mean I used to blush and change the channel when a barbie doll ad was on tv... that kind of upbringing really doesn't help when it comes to getting sex in life, or even being able to date. And of course when women on dating sites have a picture of themself in a really sexy dress but say they are christian it really baffles me, I can't get my mind around both those images simultaneously.



> As for having oral but no intercourse. What is the difference?
> 
> What is waiting to have intercourse mean?


P in P it makes a difference when it is one thing you are saving until the wedding night.


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

a couple things stand out to me . it is always a good thing when your partner trusts you enough to share their sexual desires with you . we should all be so trusting with our partner . 
when he asked you about the 3some you told him you would when you either did not want to or just wanted to deflect the conversation . which ever it was it was not the right thing to do . of course he expects it now , you told him you would . we all have sexual desires and it is in no way disrespectful to your partner if those are of the swinging variety . the best thing to do is before you get married sit down with him and have an honest discussion about this . after all you are both choosing to be with each other , shouldnt you both actually know who you are choosing to be with .


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

lamaga said:


> I rarely if ever have the urge to call up a convoy of TAM posters to descend on someone in person and beat the crap out of them, but I sure do right now...
> 
> Sunflower, you deserve better. You know that in your heart or you would not have posted here. Run far, run fast. If your daddy protests about losing his deposits, tell him just what you told us.


does she deserve better than to have a man who is honest with her about his sexual desires . if there is anyone in the world you should tell your sexual desires to isnt that person your partner ? it is never a bad thing to be honest with your partner about your sexual desires .


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

sunflowr23 said:


> We are going to do premarital counseling, we both agreed to it. As far as our ages, I'm 23 and he is 30. I know, I shouldn't have said yes, but I honestly didn't think he'd seriously remember that. I was far too tired to talk about it the first time.


you have what most do not have . a partner who trusts you enough to talk to you about his sexual desires . it is never a bad thing to trust your partner enough to talk to them . you definitely need to sit down with him before the wedding and have an honest talk about what your expectations are regarding sex. 
of course he would remember , he is a guy . do you really think a guy would not remember his girl saying she would have a fmf 3some with him ? dont panic trust your partner and trust your self and communicate honestly .


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Run away. This is not the partner you are looking for.
> 
> He is talking about swinging and you have not had sex yet!?
> 
> So you feel you wish to be married before having sex but he is fine with sharing you with others ...


how could you possibly say he isnt the partner she is looking for ? you know nothing about him other than this one sexual desire . im sure he is much , much more than just 1 sexual desire . isnt everyone ? they have not had sex with each other yet , but they have had sex . sharing your partner sexually is a completely different thing than sharing your partner personally , and emotionally . you can have sex with a complete stranger , but you could not possibly have the relationship you have with your partner with a complete stranger . they are two completely different things .


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> If you want to almost guarantee a divorce, have a threesome. Threesomes are for the skanky girlfriend you meet before you find the woman of your dreams or porn stars...... not for married couples.


that is one of the most degrading remarks about a woman and yourself i have ever seen . the skanky girlfriend ? what kind of guy are you that you have skanky girlfriends ? and what kind of guy are you that you find it ok to degrade a woman based on her sexual experiences ? i found the woman of my dreams . she is a woman who is loyal , selfless , loving , trusting , giving , and genuine . none of those traits has anything to do with her sexual experiences , or her sexual likes and dislikes . nor should they .


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

Lon said:


> trust me, they are there. I was raised in a very religious home where sex was taught to be shameful, I never ever saw my parents showing affection for each other, never once heard them, saw them or caught them having sex... and grew up completely bashful around girls, or anything sexual in nature, I mean I used to blush and change the channel when a barbie doll ad was on tv... that kind of upbringing really doesn't help when it comes to getting sex in life, or even being able to date. And of course when women on dating sites have a picture of themself in a really sexy dress but say they are christian it really baffles me, I can't get my mind around both those images simultaneously.
> 
> 
> 
> P in P it makes a difference when it is one thing you are saving until the wedding night.


this should help you . christians have sex too . 99.9% of people have sex . it isnt bad , dirty , shameful , or wrong . religion has made it those things . seriously how can something 99.9% of the people on the planet do be wrong , bad , dirty , or shameful ? that just seems rediculous to me.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

sunflower,

I am a little late to this party but let me add (as I know others have done) that you shouldn't do anything that YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH!

I would not marry this man until these issues are cleared up! You can also ask him if he'd like a threesome with another man involved (what's good for the goose...)

Please don't do this! Your life will never be the same and a part of your soul and self-respect will die.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

stoney1215 said:


> this should help you . christians have sex too . 99.9% of people have sex . it isnt bad , dirty , shameful , or wrong . religion has made it those things . seriously how can something 99.9% of the people on the planet do be wrong , bad , dirty , or shameful ? that just seems rediculous to me.


Really? Wow I never knew. What I was saying is I don't understand how someone can call themselves Christian, attend a congregation, yet think its appropriate to have premarital sex, kinky sex such as threesomes, wear ****ty dresses, have any kind of promiscuity, heck even wear tattoos, drink to the point of drunkenness or get high on drugs. Those things are all "sins" and in Christianity sins are wrong, bad, dirty and shameful.

Now I agree I think some of it is ridiculous, which is why I refuse to associate with organized religion, however if you were listening to what I said I am trying to work around all the damage that was done to my psyche because of my pretentious upbringing, and also trying to reconcile in my mind the blatant hypocrisy of most of those who even call themselves christian.


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

Lon said:


> Really? Wow I never knew. What I was saying is I don't understand how someone can call themselves Christian, attend a congregation, yet think its appropriate to have premarital sex, kinky sex such as threesomes, wear ****ty dresses, have any kind of promiscuity, heck even wear tattoos, drink to the point of drunkenness or get high on drugs. Those things are all "sins" and in Christianity sins are wrong, bad, dirty and shameful.
> 
> Now I agree I think some of it is ridiculous, which is why I refuse to associate with organized religion, however if you were listening to what I said I am trying to work around all the damage that was done to my psyche because of my pretentious upbringing, and also trying to reconcile in my mind the blatant hypocrisy of most of those who even call themselves christian.


I agree with you about the hypocrisy . I think organized religion is a joke . all christians I know do not hold to the absurd letter of the bible . They instead follow a worship god go to church golden rule type of christianity . Much less hypocritical much less rediculous and much more fitting 2012 and not 12 . 2000 years should make a difference in anything . Especially the things we believe in .
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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'd _like _to say call his bluff by agreeing to the threesome, providing that next time it's with a man... However, that would be very bad advice, so I'm going to suggest that by marrying this man you're setting yourself up for a load of trouble. I would rethink the whole marriage scenario with a man like this, because he's already showing you that he doesn't want a monogamous relationship with you.


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Oh, dear. You haven't even had sex yet and he's trying to push you into threesomes?
> 
> No. Not good.
> 
> ...


I'm curious what would be a big deal ? That he trusts you enough to know he can talk honestly about his sexual interests ? That is definitely a big deal . Not everyone has that kind of trust in their marriage . Of course I am being sarcastic . I am sure the big deal would be the mention of another sexual partner . If your husband can not talk to you honestly about his sexual desires who would you rather him share them with ? Whether you would do it or not is up to you , but shouldn't your husband be able to talk openly and honestly with his wife about his sexual interests and vice versa ?
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

folks this looks like a drive by. They left 1.5hrs after the first post and haven't returned.


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know if I`d go so far as to advise running.
> 
> I will adivise the OP to draw some hard boundaries as to what she is and isn`t ok with sexually and do it now.
> 
> ...


The way you are supposed to learn about your partners sexual desires , limits , needs , and wants is by talking honestly about them with each other . 
Your partner is supposed to be able to his desires to you . It does not mean you have to fulfill them our that there is infidelity . It means that there us trust and communication . Talk to your partner and decide what you both are willing and not willing to do . I'm sure you can come up with a sex life that works for you both
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