# quotes I here that I dont get...



## Skuba (Aug 29, 2010)

Whomever said, its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all, is full of it. People keep telling me this since my wife walked out on me, thinking is going to make me feel better. Heres what I think and you can tell me if im wrong. I think the person who made up that quote either didnt really, truely love, or was the person who left. When you lose your love of your life, you lose everything. Your heart, your soul, whole beaing is gone, empty. Everything youve believed in, given up, hoped for and worked for so hard, is gone, and you cant get that back. You can hope it comes back but its not always up to you. You think holding on to hope will help the pain, but it only gets worse, every day is harder than the last. I sit and stare at photos of what looked and felt like mutual happiness, but realize it wasnt real. You then wonder what is REAL. Is this a dream? The worst nightmare you can imagine and cant wake up from? No, its real. The time we spent together was the best of my life. Seeing that smile and hearing that laugh was all I lived for. And right now I have nothing but this tiny thread of hope that I cling to for dear life. So, is it better to have loved and loss? Not for both people. If I get this taken away from me, without at least a chance, I would much rather have never loved, truely whole heartedly loved at all, if it ment I wouldnt feel this tremendous pain. No question about it. I will never give my heart away again. Mostly because my wife took it with her and threw it away. 
And how about this one... If you love someone, set them free. My mother told me this trying to help me. I believe it should be, If you love someone, never let go, ever!. You hold on for dear life. Life is too short to give up on what you believe in. If you love someone, really love someone, you do whatever it takes to make them know that you love them. And you do not let them go. Its never too late to work on things. You just need to take a leap of faith to find that something you couldnt live without. Its never gone. You may have lost track of it somewhere along the way, but its still there, just waiting for you to find it and take it back, and never let it go again. People can only learn from there mistakes, if they know they made one. And you cant do it alone. Otherwise, wheres the motivation. It takes two to tango... Theres a much better quote. Nobody, I mean nobody said love and marriage was supposed to be easy. Its something to work on and manage and never give up on, especially when you feel it slipping away. You find it, you take it back, you share it, and it gets stronger because you know you cant let it go again. Theres no giving up, especially when you havent tried. I dont mean tried on your own, but tried together. So now... If you love someone, set them free... I dont think so, Its the easy way out. The cowardly way out. Anyway, thats how I feel. Just tired of people telling me these things to make me feel better. But I guess I at least I have people trying right? Any comments? Please, tell me Im wrong.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I feel exactly like you do. My husband has an affair and filed for divorce without even giving our marriage a chance. I still don't even know the "real" reasons we are getting divorced. Not even an honest conversation to say: Hey this was wrong, this I did not like. Just some vague excuses and I think that is what hurts the most the betrayed spouse. So no you are not nuts thinking the way you think. Right now I could not even imagine going on a date let alone getting into a relationship. I would have taken a bullet for this man if I had to.....


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

You know which one I'm hearing a lot of lately? "Plenty more fish in the sea." I don't want any other fish. I've gone off fish. No more fish for me. I'm strictly non-fishing now. These ridiculous little sayings do nothing more than trivialise this pain. My Mum (love her to bits) were talking about relationships and I mentioned my ex before H and she said "Please don't go back to HIM!" I almost hung up the phone on her. It felt as though she was telling me I was desperate, or useless without a man and worse still, she doubts my judgement. 

I am drawing the line at taking advice from people who have not been through divorce. They do not know how this feels. It's like having a loved one die. You can't imagine the searing pain destroying your soul every waking moment until you've actually been there. The shock. The feeling of being totally lost and the terrible, awful longing for it not to be so. The grief of divorce is exactly like the grief of death, the only difference being it isn't very often someone dies just to get away from you, or just because you're the one who wants to get away from them. I've heard divorce is harder to deal with than death, and after experiencing a bit too much death myself, I can personally vouch for that. 

I'm learning that my stbxh is feeling similar feelings, and tonight he made a big error and accidently texted me a message intended for his friend, bagging me out. I was so angry and went for a drive. I understand that he is angry and upset at me because I broke up with him. And I'm angry and upset at him because he ignored all the signs that this was looming, and worse still, did absolutely nothing about acknowledging or helping to fix any of our problems.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

This poem was written in memory of his collegue and friend, so in that context I believe he was referring to the positive influence and memories his friend added to his own life.

I do believe shifting this to a romantic relationship doesn't really cut it. There's a lot to lose when things go South, financially, emotionally and otherwise.


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