# contact?



## lost and depressed (Aug 30, 2011)

havent talked to my wife in any way for6 days. do i just leave it alone and keep the silence or should i email or call. i really have nothing pertinent to say to her i just want to know how shes feeling after this no talking thing she asked for. i guess i should just leave it alone but its hard and i see it in peoples face when they look at me that they just feel sorry for me. i thought for sure i would get even a hello how are you but nothing instead. im tired and broken and broke too. everything reminds me of her and of us and it seems to get worse each day. bleh lost and sad for now.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I think you have your answer. The more you try to approach her, the more she backs away. Your best bet is to begin moving on with your life. I read your original post. It seems like you are too dependant on her, like you cannot function unless you have her in your life. You are going to need to figure out how to live on your own and not be so dependant when you are in a relationship. This will help you whether you and your stay separated or eventually get back together.


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## lost_&_trying (Apr 4, 2011)

MFT is right. You have to learn how to live, cope, manage, enjoy and understand life on your own. There's no getting around that. You said it's been six days without any contact. I'm going through the same, but am over 4 months without contact, 5.5 since her leaving. I've walked backwards through every level of h*ell imaginable, but came to a point where I had to either come out stronger or wallow in it for the rest of my life. You have to find something to grasp onto to help pull you through, otherwise you fail yourself by not learning from it. It's a long process (unbearable at times) but know that not having contact with her will be a good thing. As hard as that is to accept, believe it. From my perspective, I realized I couldn't do anything about what she decided...and instead of becoming bitter or resentful, I took the initiative and was able to transform my life from the inside out. Whether she'll ever get to see that or not, it doesn't matter. Because I made those changes for myself and won't even think of going back to the way I used to be...whether it's with her or not. 

What you must do is accept what happened, accept your role in it, learn from it and use it all to reform your life in a genuinely positive way. Stay away from contacting her for the time being and look at yourself instead. Maybe she will too if given the space.


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