# How do I heal from this?



## BmK13 (Aug 10, 2020)

Marriage has been tough for me ....
Sooo since finding out that my husband hasn’t really been true to me while we were in the dating stages through marriage. I honestly feel like a fool. I mean everything seemed good with us, I had no reason to feel like he had interest in his ex’s or any other woman for the 2 years we dated before finally getting married. To me it was a typical relationship, we had our fair share of arguments and lots of good times. We loved each other very much... it wasn’t until after we got married and he returned from basic training that things seemed off.. I didn’t know what it was, something just felt uneasy. It was like my intuition was in full force but I had no proof of anything wrong. I got pregnant a few months before he deployed to Afghanistan.. before he left I did some digging and got all the passwords from all his social media accounts/ emails... 

crazy thing is as soon as he left he started some **** ****.. or should I say continued.. it wasn’t even a week of him being deployed and he tried to “sneak” change his relationship status on Facebook so that no one would see he was married to me.. after that was hidden he began to initiate contact with females in Messenger, including an ex... he got a Snapchat and said he needed it to “record memories, all the other guys had one” hmm.. somehow I hacked that 🤷🏽‍♀️ and found out that he was talking to some females. One from our hometown who knew he was married, but insisted on entertaining his ego.. the other one I asked how he got in contact with her, and she shared with me some screenshots of messages on this POF (plenty of fish) dating app..... whew 😥, this guy had the nerve to say “you’re so beautiful I’d eat your ass” to this girl... on top of that in his emails he had pof messages dating back to 2015 when we first started dating... I didn’t know what POF was so seeing all this stuff was making me so upset.. at this point I’m disgusted with his whole existence, I’m beginning to regret being pregnant by him! I’m furious, I message him back to back trying to get a response from him... he ignored me for too long so I contacted someone he worked with and told him I needed my husband to contact me ASAP because he had a pof! The dude sent the message to my husband then my husband replied to me with “I want a divorce!” ... all because I found out what he was doing wrong, I told him to have a good time on deployment and blocked him .. somehow he figured out how to get in contact with me again.. he apologized, said he wouldn’t do it again.. me being stupid forgave him.. All that happened in a week of him being gone.. then the next week I found out some more ********. He had another Facebook page, I hack into that. I see in his activity log there’s nothing but his ex’s name in the search history numerous times. I see he got an instagram account through his email where he was just following nothing but women that are naked and his ex, his Direct messages show how thirsty he was trying to get back at her and all those other women... ugh! I’m defeated at this point, I feel like I’ve been fooled, he doesn’t love me. He’s stuck on the past... he’s stupid!


I bring all that ******** up to him again and he says he is so sorry, he didn’t mean to hurt me blah blah blah 😒... he’s over his ex he don’t look at her like I think he does etc.. whatever .. skip the rest I forgive Again 🤦🏽‍♀️

The rest of the deployment goes by he missed the birth of our 1st child.. he comes back home.. we go back to visit our hometown. One night i go to my grandmas house to drop something off while he stays at the hotel with our baby. Because of what he’s done behind my back I check his search history on my phone through his google account and see that he has looked up his ex’s Instagram account. So, we were supposed to “do it” when I got back 🥴 but I was pissed about my findings.. so when I got back to the hotel I’m looking all mad, and he’s wondering what’s wrong... I ask him why did he look up his ex and told him not to lie to me... This little head mf tells me “ I was beating off to get ready for you and I just looked her up but it got weird so I stopped” ........… WHAT IN THE ACTUAL ****?! I was disgusted, I wanted no parts of him. He was **** to me in every way... our marriage hasn’t been right since..


Idk I’m in a weird situation, we’ve been together 5 years total married for 3. All this stuff came to the light after we married in 2018 and I got pregnant.. I have been this man’s number one supporter in everything he has done, I have put myself on last in so many ways because I believed he loved me.. so all this makes me think his love was fake, everything we’ve been through has been a lie. How can someone love someone if they’re not fully invested in only loving that one person? Especially if they’re stuck on someone in their past?

I just posted this to share my story, I feel it has mentally messed me up and idk how to go about letting it go? Or what’s the next steps to heal from this bs...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I would recommend individual counselling for you. Also, if he is still in the military check if you can access counselling and other services as an army spouse.

Also, seek out a divorce lawyer.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

BkM, when you get my age you'll realize there are some that cannot remain faithful. Its a flaw they have that even if they want, they cannot walk away from the temptation. It makes no sense but they spend an inordinate amount of time and hurt an inordinate amount of people trying to fill a hole in their life by stuffing it with sex partners. Like drugs, the mating ritual can make someone feel like a super being and can cause pray to walk directly into the predators sight. Don't blame yourself. I've said many times that sex is the one area of life most subject to neurotic an psychotic behavior. If he can't control it, there nothing much you can do.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Divorce the cheating piece of ****.

Contact his CO, tell him what is going on. You maybe entitled to half of his military retirement if he stays in for 20. Get a lawyer familiar with a military divorce.

Take him to the cleaners.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

BmK13 said:


> Marriage has been tough for me ....
> Sooo since finding out that my husband hasn’t really been true to me while we were in the dating stages through marriage. I honestly feel like a fool. I mean everything seemed good with us, I had no reason to feel like he had interest in his ex’s or any other woman for the 2 years we dated before finally getting married. To me it was a typical relationship, we had our fair share of arguments and lots of good times. We loved each other very much... it wasn’t until after we got married and he returned from basic training that things seemed off.. I didn’t know what it was, something just felt uneasy. It was like my intuition was in full force but I had no proof of anything wrong. I got pregnant a few months before he deployed to Afghanistan.. before he left I did some digging and got all the passwords from all his social media accounts/ emails...
> 
> crazy thing is as soon as he left he started some *** .. or should I say continued.. it wasn’t even a week of him being deployed and he tried to “sneak” change his relationship status on Facebook so that no one would see he was married to me.. after that was hidden he began to initiate contact with females in Messenger, including an ex... he got a Snapchat and said he needed it to “record memories, all the other guys had one” hmm.. somehow I hacked that 🤷🏽‍♀️ and found out that he was talking to some females. One from our hometown who knew he was married, but insisted on entertaining his ego.. the other one I asked how he got in contact with her, and she shared with me some screenshots of messages on this POF (plenty of fish) dating app..... whew 😥, this guy had the nerve to say “you’re so beautiful I’d eat your ass” to this girl... on top of that in his emails he had pof messages dating back to 2015 when we first started dating... I didn’t know what POF was so seeing all this stuff was making me so upset.. at this point I’m disgusted with his whole existence, I’m beginning to regret being pregnant by him! I’m furious, I message him back to back trying to get a response from him... he ignored me for too long so I contacted someone he worked with and told him I needed my husband to contact me ASAP because he had a pof! The dude sent the message to my husband then my husband replied to me with “I want a divorce!” ... all because I found out what he was doing wrong, I told him to have a good time on deployment and blocked him .. somehow he figured out how to get in contact with me again.. he apologized, said he wouldn’t do it again.. me being stupid forgave him.. All that happened in a week of him being gone.. then the next week I found out some more ***. He had another Facebook page, I hack into that. I see in his activity log there’s nothing but his ex’s name in the search history numerous times. I see he got an instagram account through his email where he was just following nothing but women that are naked and his ex, his Direct messages show how thirsty he was trying to get back at her and all those other women... ugh! I’m defeated at this point, I feel like I’ve been fooled, he doesn’t love me. He’s stuck on the past... he’s stupid!
> ...


You WH is messed up and doesn't care for you the way a married man should. It is time to become strong and build yourself up through counselling. Then go see a lawyer and see what the next steps are. He will not change, he is a serial cheater. he may say sorry but he does not mean it. The more times you let him away with this the more times he will continue to do it, why live your life like this. See what child custody arrangements should be. You are young, worth so much more than this man can give you, end it and live your life. Do some more growing up and meet a decent man who will treat you right. You don't need this WH or any many in your life to have a good life. Live alone and do the best for your son for now.
Whatever you do, do not sleep with him or get pregnant with him!


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