# I said goodbye now I regret it



## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

o on Saturday I said goodbye to my wife not because I wanted to or because she wanted me to, I did it because I love her and I did it because she is in love with two people and I'm just causing her pain and confusion. As I said goodbye she told me that I broke her heart and that she felt like she has lost me. She told me that she will love me forever. There is so much that has gone on it would be a short story to explain so this is the basics for those that want to know. My wife had an affair. I have forgiven and wanted to try and save the marriage but she was unsure. As time has gone on she has developed a relationship with the affair party but now is unhappy and wishing she had tried again with me but she has now caused many complications stopping her from choosing who she wants to be with and also there is a level of control stopping her from leaving the affair partner and just being on her own ( I have seen the proof of this so it's not just something she is saying). One of them is I am moving to Australia soon and the divorce we started is now almost complete. The Australia thing is always something we both wanted to do so that's not the issue it just complicates her choice because now there is a date that she needs to make a choice by. We have both said that we want to be together again but she is scared and confused that's why I said goodbye because that way she can make the choice she wants to without thinking I have influence it. But now I regret it, we was talking and now we are not and my time here is almost up I feel like I have stopped any sort of happiness we could have had and by that I mean just the conversations that we had made us both smile and brightened up our days now that is gone. I'm not really sure if I want advice but feel free to say what you think I just want to feel like I have told someone how I'm feeling. Thank you for reading this.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

You said goodbye because you decided to get out of an abusive relationship. Infidelity is abuse. You did ONE BILLION PERCENT the right thing, no matter how it hurts.

You should, and will, find someone worthy of all of the love that you have to give.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

While you didn't ask for it, my advice to you is for you to go to Australia and enjoy your new adventure without her. You shouldn't even look back. She has made her choice when she didn't choose you. But even more importantly is why would you want her to? Unless you are into living life as a cuckold or enjoy being paranoid, she has already shown you who she is, and the best predictor of the future is past actions. If you allow yourself, you will find someone much better for you, someone who will not cheat on you, someone who will not make you do the pick-me dance.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

You just escaped from being a doormat. Don't go back to it because you are feeling a bit lonely. Cut off all contact and be done with it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Unless you wanted to continue with three of you in your marriage, you had no choice but to end it. 

I know it's difficult but time will help. Focus on planning your new life. And if you're tempted to go back -- don't.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The story you describe sounds like this to me, without YOUR emotions clouding the facts:

Your wife got in an affair and openly flaunted it right in front of your face. You accepted it, and begged and pleaded for her to come back, which just drives them further away as they lose respect. 

Your wife DID make a choice. And whatever this "evidence" you've seen that she can't leave is nonsense. She could leave if she wanted to. You're not worth it to her. That's why the "confusion". She's not happy with him anymore, but plan B (you), isn't all that appealing either.

If you somehow got your wife back, she'd just cheat on you again and leave with another man.

For you to doubt your decision, is nothing but fear and "love" clouding your own good sense.

Your wife is a cheater.

Please. Divorce and never ever consider talking to her again. Never believe a word she says. Believe her actions. Her actions are: she chose another man over her own husband. Duck her.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

She made her choice.
It's not you.

It sucks but she's a grown arse woman and can make choices and deal with consequences on her own.

Go have a great life in Australia.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Saying "goodbye" beats the hell out of the perpetual "pick me" dance.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Where do all you guys come from? That is rhetorical question. You can do better.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

sokillme said:


> Where do all you guys come from? That is rhetorical question. You can do better.


Western males are in an existential crisis.

The guys here are just the tip of the iceberg.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ReturntoZero said:


> Western males are in an existential crisis.
> 
> The guys here are just the tip of the iceberg.


Not all of us.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Oh, the cheating wife that has learned her choice was not the wisest.

Ahhh. Poor muffin.

I don't know how bad the affair was (obviously bad enough that she blew up the marriage with a nuke from orbit).
I don't know if she went off the deep end with her *LOVE *of POSOM (obviously she was in something as she was willing to pick him over you)

I do know you have saved yourself misery, confusion, pain by leaving her.

She is an albatross. All she would do is bring you bad luck and suffering.

Move to Australia and live a good life without her.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Never regret loving yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable.


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## Machjo (Feb 2, 2018)

...


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

OP. Please, how can you even think of asking for reconciliation? Asking for her to take you back? Are you for real? Where's is your self-respect and your pride as a man?

Please, ignore any nonsense advice about giving her a chance. Your done, you should had been done the moment she cheated on you. 

By now, you're not even plan B to her. Just leave, start your new life, and erase her, like she never existed. This is what you need to do. Do it.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Nosmoresmiles said:


> We have both said that we want to be together again but she is scared and confused that's why I said goodbye because that way she can make the choice she wants to without thinking I have influence it.


I promised myself that if my wife was ever in the situation of trying to decide between me and another man, that I would make the decision for her. It's not quite as complicated as you feel it is right now. If she wanted to be with you (her husband) then she would be with you. If she is scared it's because she isn't sure if the OM is still going to stay with her, while living with you provided a certain level of comfort. 

Don't ever become someone's backup plan.


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## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

Just a little more info on the story 

I did go NC for a long time as I said I used the time to work on myself I stopped with the pick me dance. During this time is when my wife has grown out of the childish state that she was in, and has finally started to admit to me and herself that what she done was wrong. I once said to her that she would have to show me that she is sorry and wanted to work on our problems before I would start to consider taking her back. She started to do this and at one point broke things off with the AP however as I said there is a reason that she keeps going back to him and is scared to leave him completely ( I have seen the messages and given her an advice line number on how to deal with them but its up to her I cant get to involved in that). she has admitted that there is feeling towards him as well however they are not the same feelings she had at the start of the affair she called it "love but not in the sense that she is in love with him because she wants to be more because she has to be" her words not mine. She said that she now regrets leaving and that she has made so many mistakes and that until she can right some of those wrongs the problems will just keep coming back. I have told her that when she says things sometimes I cant help but take them in a way that she doesn't mean for them to sound but its just the way it comes a cross. The only reason we really started to talk again was because I am leaving soon and had to get in contact with her to let her know some arrangements with some of our joint financial commitments that's when she started to realise she still had feelings for me and things progressed from there otherwise I believe she would have carried on "running away from what she has done". It was Friday when she confessed to me all her feelings when I had to meet her at the bank to close our account and that's when everything kicked off. The AP rang and straight away started to accuse her of cheating on him with me because he checked her phone and had seen that she had been calling me the night before. she explained the reasons for the calls but he is convinced there is more going on. This is when I started to think its time for me to walk away again the stuff I needed to sort had been done and even though I enjoyed the conversations with her it had started to cause her problems and confusion over her feelings. So like I said out of my love and feelings for her I said goodbye on the Saturday and as I said it I watched as she broke in front of me and sobbed "see I am a horrible person I should have sorted my life out when I told you I was going to. now I have lost you too. now I will never be able to come back because you have told me goodbye you must hate me so much this must of been how you felt when I left. I now know how much I broke you" I told her yes she did break me but I learnt to deal with it and no I don't hate you I never have. I told her she made a mistake and I forgave her for it the door was always open but she needed to walk through it on her own and by me saying goodbye she now knows that its all up to her I will not be here to pick her up any more. and as I walked away that's when she ran after me to tell me she will love me forever. I did tell her that I still loved her too but that my actions showed it and until hers could do the same then it would just go to show that I would always be the second choice and I would not stand to be that anymore. I do regret saying goodbye like I said I enjoyed talking to her but its best that I done it now and have time to finish sorting myself out before I leave than to continue and leave in a mess. I told her that if she ever really wants to make a mends then she would have to come and find me maybe one day I will get a message telling me that she is on her way to Australia to find me but im not holding my breath for that. I will continue to live my life with my new start and see where life takes me. I will continue to post on here on my bad days as your support is always brilliant. Thanks again for the read like I said its more just my thoughts and feelings this post.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

The time for deciding between which two people ends with "I do". After that it's not confusion it's a choice, unless something other is agreed by both partners of course.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Oh this woman is good,she is really good.She is another one with a gold vagina.She cheats on you,refuses to give up here affair partner and YOU feel guilty....
WTF dude, will you please read your own threads this woman is bad news for anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with her,toxic doesn’t cover it she is radioactive. 
The sexiest women in the world are Australian.Need I say more.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Some of the posts here have made me think. The posts come from the POV that the AP destroyed their marriage and their AP is a piece of crap. In some cases that may be true. But what if the marriage had already blown up and the affair was a symptom of the larger issue. I am not excusing anyone that has an affair, most affairs do not happen in a vacuum. They are typically the result of some other need not being met. Even if that unmet need is simply to have some strange, it is still an unmet need. Wouldn't the more prudent course of action in all cases be to simply recognize there is an issue (which in many cases never get addressed or can be addressed within the context of that particular relationship) and move on with your life rather than advising someone to hold onto anger by blaming their SO for blowing up a marriage or being a POS? Aren't you just setting yourself up to future pain, by refusing to acknowledge and fix your own issues?


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Don't encourage her to come to Aus, there is a never ending array of divine, gorgeous men. Too tempting for a cheater.


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## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

Ynot I agree I have always said that it was as much my fault that it failed as was hers. I have always told her that there must have been something that I was doing wrong or not giving her that made her look elsewhere. She has responded to this and told me that it wasn't me, I was always there when she needed me and I gave up a lot for her. Those are her words, But I still reminded her that there must of been something and you know what she said, It all happened because someone new showed her some interest. It turns out that someone has always had a goal to land a married woman so what began as a game to him made her fall for it. Now im not sure if this is true but its all I know. What I will say is at no point have I ever placed the blame with just one party. I look at it like this.

I am to blame as I was not fulfilling something that she needed 
She was to blame as she was the one that let the affair move past the initial flirting stage
He is to blame because he knew she was married and he was in a relationship himself (12 Years I had this told to me by his ex partner) 

The portion of blame is irrelevant we are all at fault


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

OP, I vomited a little in my mouth reading this. You are very weak and women don't respect weak men. I don't know why you'd even leave the door open for her to come back, but if that was something you'd want to do you need to quit this spineless approach and stop putting her needs above your own. The only conversation you should have with her when she tries to manipulate your emotions should be something like "yeah, you screwed up...but, I'm not your counselor so you don't need to share it with me. Get your life in order and if at some point in the future you want to get involved with me again, just let me know. If you prove yourself worthy and it's something I'm interested in and if I'm single at the time, then I'll consider it." 

Oh, and you shouldn't be accepting any of the blame here. The affair is 100% her fault. If you didn't meet her needs she should have communicated it with you and tried to work with you to fix it. If it wasn't fixable she should have ended the relationship with you prior to starting one with someone else. That's the mature way to handle a relationship problem.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Nosmoresmiles said:


> Ynot I agree I have always said that it was as much my fault that it failed as was hers. I have always told her that there must have been something that I was doing wrong or not giving her that made her look elsewhere. She has responded to this and told me that it wasn't me, I was always there when she needed me and I gave up a lot for her. Those are her words, But I still reminded her that there must of been something and you know what she said, It all happened because someone new showed her some interest. It turns out that someone has always had a goal to land a married woman so what began as a game to him made her fall for it. Now im not sure if this is true but its all I know. What I will say is at no point have I ever placed the blame with just one party. I look at it like this.
> 
> I am to blame as I was not fulfilling something that she needed
> She was to blame as she was the one that let the affair move past the initial flirting stage
> ...


Yes, this is your experience and I totally believe you. But I was not speaking in absolutes. All I am saying is that those who are stating unequivocally that she is to blame are NOT doing the OP in favors. He needs to look within as well, if he wishes to never experience this again.


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## Rbjohnston (Jan 12, 2018)

Grow a set of balls. Go back to her and fight for her. If you are looking for sympathy because you stepped out of the picture, you are not going to get it from me. Kick the other guy in the balls and push him out of there. If after all the "fighting for" subsides and she say go away, then at least you can say you tried.

Don't think you are doing her any favors by walking away. You're just being a sap. You need to know for real whether she is worth keeping or kicking her to the curb.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> OP, I vomited a little in my mouth reading this. You are very weak and women don't respect weak men. I don't know why you'd even leave the door open for her to come back, but if that was something you'd want to do you need to quit this spineless approach and stop putting her needs above your own. The only conversation you should have with her when she tries to manipulate your emotions should be something like "yeah, you screwed up...but, I'm not your counselor so you don't need to share it with me. Get your life in order and if at some point in the future you want to get involved with me again, just let me know. If you prove yourself worthy and it's something I'm interested in and if I'm single at the time, then I'll consider it."
> 
> Oh, and you shouldn't be accepting any of the blame here. The affair is 100% her fault. If you didn't meet her needs she should have communicated it with you and tried to work with you to fix it. If it wasn't fixable she should have ended the relationship with you prior to starting one with someone else. That's the mature way to handle a relationship problem.


The affair may be 100% her fault. She should have communicated the unmet need, Those are both true. But, as you so eloquently noted in your first paragraph, there are things HE is guilty of. I am not blaming him. I am only suggesting that he would be miles ahead, if he took the time to understand his own role in how he has arrived here (which is far more involved than just the affair), rather than to simply say, "it is your fault so screw you". Because unless he fixes himself first, nothing will change. The OP will never recover until he understands the part he played.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

@Ynot - agreed. 

I know I spent a lot of time self reflecting, reading books, and even went to counseling after my XW's affair and improved myself substantially in the process. It actually ended up being a needed period of growth in my life. 

And maybe I should change my verbiage for something a little softer and more understanding in the future. That probably wasn't the nicest way for me to communicate that message to the OP.


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## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> OP, I vomited a little in my mouth reading this. You are very weak and women don't respect weak men.QUOTE]
> 
> I do not see myself as weak. During this I have put my life back on track, Taken a new job that has given me the opportunity to move and start again in a new place, found my independence again, still supported my friends and family when they have needed it but most of all I have not sunk to a level where I have felt the need to hate my wife for this. Everyone makes mistakes in life the difference is how you deal with them she has made some and she knows that, what I have chosen to do shows her that they can be forgiven that is all I never said that all she had to do it walk back in and everything will be ok again. No I said she needs to work on it then come back and we will see where it goes. As for the blame if you think that a relationship breaks down just because one person is at fault then you are mistaken. nobody in this world is perfect, yes there was communication issues there and that was one of the main reasons for the breakdown but that works both ways that's why I say there is a present no matter how small that is that I am at fault for.
> 
> ...


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

It's great you are getting your life back on track and that is an admirable way to proceed. As long as you aren't giving up a piece of yourself to accommodate justifying her affair, and it seems like you might be. A strong person usually has strong boundaries and isn't afraid to proceed with a life independent of their spouse, if/when their spouse makes choices and ceases to be the type of person that they'd trust/respect. I hope that is something you can do because it is the best chance of fixing your relationship issues. 

I also don't think hatred is good, and I know I don't hate my XW, nor did I when I found out about her affair. I also forgave, but forgiveness and continuing with the marriage are two separate issues. Forgiveness is more about the betrayed person being able to let go of anger so they can move in a positive direction in their life and not let the trauma take over. 

A question for you is why haven't your feelings changed for her after her affair. That is a loss of your relationship innocence and a major alteration in your understanding about your relationship and marriage. Also any major traumatic event in your life and it should trigger strong enough emotions that your relationship to her will never be the same as it was before. And that is true whether you forgive and reconcile or forgive and divorce.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> @Ynot - agreed.
> 
> I know I spent a lot of time self reflecting, reading books, and even went to counseling after my XW's affair and improved myself substantially in the process. It actually ended up being a needed period of growth in my life.
> 
> And maybe I should change my verbiage for something a little softer and more understanding in the future. That probably wasn't the nicest way for me to communicate that message to the OP.


Actually I think you pulled your punches a little haha! I remember taking a few 2x4's upside the head early on. I needed it.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

OP, I think the image of weakness comes from you the fact that you are even having second thoughts about your actions and reactions to your situation. We all have regrets. We all think about things that could have been done differently. But you can't undo what has been done.
Stop thinking about what might happen. Stop doing the pick me dance and get on with your life. She made her bed and continues to sleep in it. The fact that she can't make up her mind is all the information you should need to know that she is not for you. If at some point she changes her mind, well, at that point you can decide. Chances are very good you will decide it is too little too late and say no way.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You did EXACTLY the right thing.

She doesn’t love you, and she’s certainly not _in love_ with you — she was just trying to save face.

You didn’t break her heart — you busted the ego bubble she’s been living in since realizing she had two guys vying for her.

Put her in your rearview and never look back.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Nosmoresmiles said:


> The portion of blame is irrelevant we are all at fault


This is ridiculous.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> This is ridiculous.


Completely ridiculous.

Smiles - get on that Quantas flight and delete this manipulative person from your life.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Every makes mistakes and. Get that, but in her case she continues to do so...how in hell can you not see that...I am sorry but with others here your weak...you doing the right thing but your being weak in doing so. She is not your problem your weakness is.


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## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

So I had some time to read what you guys have written and this is why I love this place I get a full spectrum of replies. No one here is just saying something they think I want to hear and that's what I need. Today is a better day for me and I see why some of you think I am weak. I still stand by the fact that I'm not but I can see that I have weak moments. As I look at what I said yesterday I can see that the regret I felt wasn't so much regret but more me hurting at the fact that I have now moved a step closer to finishing this chapter of my life. A lot of you have said things about my situation that I agree with, like the fact that she has made her choice, I know this and I have told her that by staying where she is she has made the choice even if she felt she had not. This was one of the reasons I decided to say goodbye after all if I'm not worth the hassle of her changing the situation now then I'm not going to wait around just in case it changes later. Me saying goodbye was a strong moment but I can see that the regret I felt made me look weak but I also take strength from the fact that I never caved and tried to tell her I was sorry for saying goodbye and I haven't tried to change my choice to say it. Some of you don't see that when I say we are all to blame I don't mean that the blame is equal I just mean that I had a part to play in the breakdown of the marriage. I agree that the affair is 100% her fault but I will not lie to myself and say that I did everything I could in the marriage when at times I could have done more. I feel that by understanding this it will help me not repeat the same mistakes in any future relationships that I have 

But to sum up today is a better day and The regret I felt when I said goodbye has gone.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Where do all you guys come from? That is rhetorical question. You can do better.


I can't believe you didn't have a hard time with this for even a second. You must be some kind of superman who could just flip a switch when it happened to you. Most normal people need time to grieve and sort it out.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

You have been getting the emotional crap beaten out of you by a manipulative, bad person. Once you have some distance between you the healing will begin.

You will find someone who deserves you one day. There is zero doubt about that.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @nomoresmiles ~ once an unfortunate, life-altering decision is made, it's only human nature that there's going to be some kind of "second thoughts" about your ultimate decision!

Infidelity is abuse, and as such, your STBXW "lost you" when she made the self-serving decision to cross that line!

Move on with your plans and allow yourself adequate time to grieve the loss of this marriage.

It is not your fault ~ she made the unfortunate decision to lose you by succumbing to her adulterous whims!!

March steadily forward, my friend, and do not choose to look back!*


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Nosmoresmiles, do you suppose her vocalization of regret is correlated with the fact that you have made moves to separate the finances?


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## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

No all of the finances was sorted with agreements in place on what needed to be done. I only made contact as I wanted to settle my half of all outstanding balances before I move otherwise the original agreement would have stayed in place. She had no financial benefits from me we had no mortgage and no kids to sort out it was just some bills that came out of our joint account that we agreed to pay half of each. My half is now settled and the bank has had that payment now anything else left to pay is what she originally agreed to if that makes sense


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Nosmoresmiles said:


> No all of the finances was sorted with agreements in place on what needed to be done. I only made contact as I wanted to settle my half of all outstanding balances before I move otherwise the original agreement would have stayed in place. She had no financial benefits from me we had no mortgage and no kids to sort out it was just some bills that came out of our joint account that we agreed to pay half of each. My half is now settled and the bank has had that payment now anything else left to pay is what she originally agreed to if that makes sense


Get lost in Australia. No need for her to follow you there later or meanwhile harass you with her regrets and the let's be friends nonsense. 

She cheated, she made her choice loud and clear. Now show her all the one way exit doors.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ghost Rider said:


> I can't believe you didn't have a hard time with this for even a second. You must be some kind of superman who could just flip a switch when it happened to you. Most normal people need time to grieve and sort it out.


It was the worst time in my life. But I was pissed and there was no way I was going let someone treat me that way. Most of our conversations afterwords devolved into me screaming. I could not allow myself to be a consolation prize, just couldn't do it. Loyalty is just a big part of me wanting to be friends with someone even be around them. 

That's the thing, it changed my opinion of her, so was immediately less attractive. Character is a big part of my want to be with someone. Plus again no one treats me like that.

What good is a spouse who has no loyalty that are like a junk bond when it comes to love. There is not real worth there.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

sokillme said:


> It was the worst time in my life. But I was pissed and there was no way I was going let someone treat me that way. Most of our conversations afterwords devolved into me screaming. I could not allow myself to be a consolation prize, just couldn't do it. Loyalty is just a big part of me wanting to be friends with someone even be around them.
> 
> That's the thing, it changed my opinion of her, so was immediately less attractive. Character is a big part of my want to be with someone. Plus again no one treats me like that.
> 
> What good is a spouse who has no loyalty that are like a junk bond when it comes to love. There is not real worth there.


You can make something on a junk bond. A disloyal spouse is actually a depreciating asset, bail on it fast as it is worth less and less and costs you more and more over time!


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

She isn't in some existential crisis.

She's cake-eating.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> You can make something on a junk bond. A disloyal spouse is actually a depreciating asset, bail on it fast as it is worth less and less and costs you more and more over time!


So true.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

ButtPunch said:


> She isn't in some existential crisis.
> 
> She's cake-eating.


Existential and Cake Eating ? Hmm. There is food for thought.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

eric1 said:


> You have been getting the emotional crap beaten out of you by a manipulative, bad person. Once you have some distance between you the healing will begin.
> 
> You will find someone who deserves you one day. There is zero doubt about that.


Not to rain on the parade, as I believe the OP is well rid of this toxic person....

HOWEVER....

If we don't fix our own issues, we end up with someone similar - or worse.

I testify from experience. Only when I had landed the "love of my life" did I realize how completely screwed up I WAS.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

ButtPunch said:


> She isn't in some existential crisis.
> 
> She's cake-eating.


.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

NoMoSmiles... you're caught in the paradox of realizing who she really is and who you thought she

was. She may very well have been a wonderful person... but those days have passed. She is showing you

who she really is. You are leaving her with no children and no debt.... VERY few people can say that.

She wants you around so she can use you as an option, NOT a priority. Notice her reaction when the AP

starts to back away...... she reaches out for you. If you deduce it down, it's just a chess game.

Your W is very unhealthy. A healthy female will take compliments and say thank you. If the said

person persists with these, she knows how to shut that down. If he doesn't get the hint, she will

threaten to contact HR / proper authorities. 99.9% of the time, those guys vanish.

I have a feeling your W is at least moderately attractive.... but she can not react in a healthy way when

a guy tells her she has a nice ass. 

You may have posted this before on another thread.... if so, just let me know. What was your childhood

like growing up? What was her childhood like? What was you and her's dating history like before the 

two of you met?

Having strong boundaries is healthy..... I've had to say goodbye to quite a few females in my life.

But when they are crossed... you must enforce them. If you do not... that is the path to being a doormat.

I've had heartache over enforcing my boundaries.... but NEVER regretted doing it.

Consider Australia a.... re-set of your life. New you, new job, new life. 

Does she know exactly where you will be moving in Australia?


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## itskaren (Dec 28, 2011)

MrsHolland said:


> Don't encourage her to come to Aus, there is a never ending array of divine, gorgeous men. Too tempting for a cheater.



Can you find me one then please? 😊


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## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

Ghost Rider said:


> I can't believe you didn't have a hard time with this for even a second. You must be some kind of superman who could just flip a switch when it happened to you. Most normal people need time to grieve and sort it out.


I have posted my story earlier, but for me it happened just like that. A switch flipped, and I did NOT want to be her at all, see her, talk to her, or anything. Pretending to play nice through the separation agreement period was awful. I did grieve and hurt, but there was no regret about dumping the BS or wishing she was back. Not even for a second. The regret was all about the years wasted on her. I don't claim to be a superman, but apparently that is the way my brain is wired.


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