# Husband wants divorce after only two months



## jboro4287 (May 25, 2016)

A brief history...my husband (41, twice divorced, 4 kids) and I (29, never married) were together for about 6 months before we got engaged. About two months after we were engaged he broke up with me. His reasoning was that he was tired of the petty fights we were having frequently. He had said I wasn't good at communicating and that I was argumentative. For three weeks I worked on showing him I could change and things could be better. He finally decided to take me back and work on things. 

Things were great. Three weeks after being back together we decided to elope. We love each other so much. We have what people wait their whole lives for. But our personalities are so much alike that we butt head sometimes over stupid, petty things, like one of us taking over the grill when the other one was doing it, or the tone we say something in. The other one takes it the wrong way and we end up arguing. The thing is, a petty argument that should be laughed about and be done and over with, usually ends into a days worth of arguing with us. 

Well we had another petty argument last weekend and now my husband wants to get a divorce. He says that I knew that he didn't want to argue when we got back together and now that we're having petty arguemtns again it's a deal breaker for him. 
I feel that since it's only been two months we should try harder. I know that I learn from things after we argue. I try harder. I reflect and realize what I could do different. I don't see petty arguments as a deal breaker. I look at them as something we can grow from and to make our relationship healthier so that we don't have these little arguments. He doesn't see them that way.

My husband thinks that since it's only been two months that it hasn't been that long and we can just cut ties and be done. That we should only really work harder at the marriage if we had more time under our belt. But since it's only been two months, it's no harm no foul. 

I look at marriage differently. I took my vows seriously and I feel that giving up after two months is just an excuse because you don't want to be married. Sure maybe if we were talking about infidelity or addiction or something with a more serious matter than divorce would be an option so soon. But divorcing because of petty arguments every week or two just means we need to look and evaluate what's causing them or how to avoid them. Because we have this once in a lifetime love and passion for each other. We're crazy about each other. We just can't seem to get along 100% of the time. And when we do have an argument we can't just laugh it off and get over it. 

I'm begging and pleading with my husband to not give up but I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss and I'm heartbroken. I feel like he didn't take his vows seriously and he's giving up too soon. I need some advice please.

Also, my husbands previous marriage was 15 years. Him and his ex NEVER argued according to him. Also, according to him, she was a doormat. She never gave an opinion and never fought him on anything. What he said went, all the time. So I think that could have something to do with the way he is about our relationship. He's not used to arguing over anything. So little petty arguments for him, signify trouble and the end of the marriage because he's not used to it. Maybe?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Would you give me a play-by-play of your last argument?

You're husband may very well be a quitter. He's been divorced twice, so unless infidelity was involved in both his previous marriages, he doesn't take his word seriously. Why did you expect him to honor his vows to you, when he didn't honor his vows to his two previous wives?

For the record, you are right, and he is wrong. At least about working on your marriage. But, during these petty arguments, are either of you yelling or insulting each other?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Maybe your "petty arguments" aren't as petty as you think. Arguments that drag on for days are a real grind, extremely wearing, and detrimental to emotional closeness. It's obviously taking a toll on him.

Without knowing more (like who escalates it most of the time) it's hard to offer advice. But, like your husband, if I was in a 2-month marriage and enduring days-long fights, I'd be inclined to want to get out of it too.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jboro4287 (May 25, 2016)

happy as a clam said:


> Maybe your "petty arguments" aren't as petty as you think. Arguments that drag on for days are a real grind, extremely wearing, and detrimental to emotional closeness. It's obviously taking a toll on him.
> 
> Without knowing more (like who escalates it most of the time) it's hard to offer advice. But, like your husband, if I was in a 2-month marriage and enduring days-long fights, I'd be inclined to want to get out of it too.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think we both escalate it sometimes. Like once he got mad because I had told him we needed to watch our money more closely and he thought I shouldn't say that because saying that seems like I know best and he doesn't. That hurt my feelings and I told him and he didn't care and we argued about that. Because he was sticking to his convictions and even though I kept saying that I didn't mean to come across that way, it didn't matter.

Our arguments don't last days on end. Most of the time they're resolved by the end of the night or after a couple hours of talking. But they're petty enough to where we should be able to tell each other we love each other and move on because they're just so dumb. 

He can't let it go sometimes and I guess neither can I.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

If he doesn't care whether he hurts your feelings, then you have bigger problems.

Are you high maintenance emotionally? Are you easily hurt?


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

He is already twice divorced and ready to get a third, is this someone you want to spend your life with? Maybe you took your vows seriously but it does not seem he did. Once you have been through one divorce it is easier and easier to get the second, then the third. You are in the honeymoon phase with him and you don't have children together, things are about as good at this point as they will ever be. How will he handle it in the future when you disagree over something big that is not a petty argument? The best advice i ever got from someone was 'listen to what he is saying, he's saying he wants to go, so let him go' and your husband is saying he wants to go. All you can do is let him go, you can't rationalize or argue him into wanting to stay. Judging by his last wife being a doormat, you trying to talk him into staying will only repel him further.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

BioFury said:


> Would you give me a play-by-play of your last argument?
> 
> You're husband may very well be a quitter. He's been divorced twice, so unless infidelity was involved in both his previous marriages, he doesn't take his word seriously. Why did you expect him to honor his vows to you, when he didn't honor his vows to his two previous wives?
> 
> For the record, you are right, and he is wrong. At least about working on your marriage. But, during these petty arguments, are either of you yelling or insulting each other?


I have been divorced 3 times. Not because Im a quitter but because I made poor choices in who i married and ended up in verbally and emotionally abusive marriages. I take my word VERY seriously but will not stay where I am mistreated. ( I ended 2 of the 3) I am not defending the OP's husband, just pointing out not to be judgey of those who have had more than one marriage...some of us have very broken pickers, its seems! 

jboro, you would be wise to let him go...if he is giving up after only two months, you cannot trust him with your future. Do you want to be with someone who constantly throws out divorce every time you argue or things get tough?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Your husband doesn't want a wife he wants another doormat like his last wife. There is nothing wrong with arguing as long as it doesn't last for days and there is no name calling/physical confrontations involved. Stick to the topic. He will probably go on to marry many more times. I would never marry someone who has been married twice before. That would be a red flag for me. I agree with you that you both should stay married instead of bailing after one argument but your husband is a quitter so I'm not sure you are going to be able to change his mind about staying in the marriage. If every couple got a divorce after one argument then there would be a 100% divorce rate.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Easy come, easy go.

You jumped in too fast, now jump out fast and learn how to take it slow.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

With your husband, it's his way or the highway. He wants his way all of the time. He doesn't want input from his wife because he is smarter than her. What a drag. Find someone closer to your age and who isn't an arrogant jerk.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

jboro4287 said:


> A brief history...my husband (41, twice divorced, 4 kids)


There's a reason he's on his 3rd divorce. It's probably got nothing to do with you.



jboro4287 said:


> He finally decided to take me back and work on things.


He "decided to take you back". You may not realize it but that is really, really bad. It puts him on a pedestal, justifies anything and everything he says and does and makes you look like you're always wrong and he can therefore crap all over you, literally and figuratively. 



jboro4287 said:


> Three weeks after being back together we decided to elope.


In a later post, you said you take your vows seriously. I find it surprising since you obviously don't take the concept of marriage seriously.



jboro4287 said:


> I feel that since it's only been two months we should try harder. I look at marriage differently. I took my vows seriously and I feel that giving up after two months is just an excuse because you don't want to be married.


It doesn't MATTER what you think or want. I'm pretty sure that everyone that has a cancer diagnosis doesn't want to have cancer, but it's not up to them, it's up to those mutated cells growing in their body.



jboro4287 said:


> But divorcing because of petty arguments every week or two just means we need to look and evaluate what's causing them or how to avoid them.


No, it means you really don't understand the problems you have with this person you hardly even know.



jboro4287 said:


> I'm begging and pleading with my husband to not give up


That will help as much as begging and pleading with the cancer cells. In fact it will work against you, because again, it makes him look right and justified and superior and makes you appear as wrong and weak and sniveling and unattractive.

Look you love the guy, you're crazy about him, you said so. So if you really love him so much give him what he wants, put his needs ahead of yours. His need is to be divorced. So don't be selfish and let him go.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he sounds like a bully.

I'd cut my losses but don't be surprised if when you say ok your right lets just divorce he changes his mind.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he 41 your 29 .

your in your prime and hes on the down hill side of prime. your prospects look brighter than his. In my opinion


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Tell us what it is that you love about him that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with him.


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## jboro4287 (May 25, 2016)

We have so much in common, he's a great provider, he's sweet and caring and takes good care of me. He doesn't let me go without anything. And the sex is amazing and passionate. And at the end of the day we're friends. 

But just like any friends, we butt head sometimes. I'm just hurt that after two months of marriage he's ready to call it quits. I asked him tonight if he can even remember what any of the petty arguments we had were about and he said no, not really. He's just so hard to get a long with sometimes and if he doesn't like my tone or the way something is said it starts an argument. 

He just says that these little arguments, even when he starts them, take a toll on him. But he tells me how much he loves me and that he misses me. He left me a voicemail crying saying how hard this is on him too and that he just needs some time to figure things out. But he feels like he's doing me a favor by letting me go. He doesn't think we can ever fully get along how he wants us to. He never wants to have an argument. And I feel like I'm compromising myself and my beliefs if I just sit back and not say something if I don't agree. I just want my marriage to work and I just know that he rarely ever changes his mind and I feel like he's still going to want a divorce in a few days. 

I feel stupid for letting him have the upper hand in this and just sitting here waiting for him to let me come back home.


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