# Married for a year and issues are happening



## Giftedfox

Hello I am Giftedfox and would like to introduce myself as stated on the rules. I have been married before and this is my second marriage. However as of late more issues keeps coming up and for awhile I have been supportive. This time I may have to move on the other side of America for work and my wife wants to stay behind for her job, family, and friends. Because of this I felt like I can't go "there there, everything will work out" and told her the best way I was able about the issues and that they needed to be addressed properly. In the end she isn't talking to me and keeps ignoring me. This is why I have join the site for some insight on this issue. Hope you'll all have me.


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## DownByTheRiver

Did you let her know before she married you that you might have to move for work? If not, I'm afraid it's a stalemate.


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## Mr.Married

That’s a tough one to throw on a woman out of the blue. Have you spoken with her before about the possibility of this happening?


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## Diana7

Does she have children? Do you? I can fully understand her not wanting to suddenly move so very far away, especially after just one year of marriage. Especially if she has children. 
Do you have to go or can you ask to stay or look for another job?


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## Giftedfox

I was in the military when she married me. When we were dating I was flat in saying we may move in the future and she understood that. It didn't pop up in the blue of moving far away. We were also looking at other states nearby to move too but was postponed.


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## DownByTheRiver

I mean, she has a career too.


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## Giftedfox

I know she has a job herself here. We both have a son. I already told her that I'll go up there first and she can move up in half a year or when she is ready. This isn't something where I demand her to come with me.


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## Lance Mannion

Giftedfox said:


> I was in the military when she married me. When we were dating I was flat in saying we may move in the future and she understood that. It didn't pop up in the blue of moving far away. We were also looking at other states nearby to move too but was postponed.


I can't believe that there exists even a single woman in America who upon reaching adulthood doesn't know that being a military wife comes with the certainty of moving in the future, every woman knows this, so why did she marry you if she was unwilling to move? Well, she probably was willing to move back in those days but something has changed in the marriage such that she now values the stability of familiar surroundings more than the life she was building with you.


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## Diana7

Giftedfox said:


> I know she has a job herself here. We both have a son. I already told her that I'll go up there first and she can move up in half a year or when she is ready. This isn't something where I demand her to come with me.


Do you mean that you have a son and she has a son, or that you have a son together? How old?


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## farsidejunky

If you are in the military, and were since being with her, she had to know a move was inevitable. 

FYI, I am a retired Soldier. I met my ex wife in Georgia, married her in Washington, then we transferred to West Virginia. Two weeks in WV was all it took for her to go back to Seattle. A short while later, she had a boyfriend and we were getting a divorce. 

While I have tremendous sympathy for spouses of military folks, they have to accept the lifestyle. Period. Military members don't have the luxury of refusing assignments often, and it is never without consequences that will kill the military career. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## AmbitiousOvercomer

farsidejunky said:


> If you are in the military, and were since being with her, she had to know a move was inevitable.
> 
> FYI, I am a retired Soldier. I met my ex wife in Georgia, married her in Washington, then we transferred to West Virginia. Two weeks in WV was all it took for her to go back to Seattle. A short while later, she had a boyfriend and we were getting a divorce.
> 
> While I have tremendous sympathy for spouses of military folks, they have to accept the lifestyle. Period. Military members don't have the luxury of refusing assignments often, and it is never without consequences that will kill the military career.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Thank you for your service. I'm sorry there are women out there that are not strong enough to stand by their man, be honorable, and simply be honest.


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## Openminded

If your wife knew, I don’t get her reluctance. If she didn’t know, I do very much get it. It can be tough on everyone and I sympathize. I hope everything works out for you.


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## farsidejunky

AmbitiousOvercomer said:


> Thank you for your service. I'm sorry there are women out there that are not strong enough to stand by their man, be honorable, and simply be honest.


In fairness, I wasn't the best husband at that time, either. Perhaps it would have been different if I had, but likely not.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Giftedfox

We both have one son and he is almost one. 

I know cheating can happen, that is what happened in my first marriage when I was in South Korea. It is a terrible thing to go through. 

I managed to talk to my wife a little bit more and she finally calmed down enough to talk to me about what was wrong. Basically she is fine with moving but she feels bad that I have to move first with all the dogs and reptiles. She felt like she was being a bad mother when I asked her if our son comes with me to avoid her moving him with all the stuff at once (household goods will be helping her move). 

I just think everything was getting to her at once and she couldn't process it all. Right now it is hard since I will be moving right after some surgery on my wrist. Been a hard year.


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## DownByTheRiver

Might make her feel better if you put about $5,000 in an account for her to just use to go see her family when she wants to.


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