# Wife left after 16 years.



## Tom16 (Sep 27, 2012)

My wife moved out Sat. The whole story is on another thread "16 years of marriage gone?" I've been stumbling and bumbling around trying to figure out 180, NC, and just what in the heck happened here? I've tried to go NC, but we have two daughters 15 and 10. I work shift work. She works late often past 7 daily. The girls have soccer, cheer, b-ball, friends etc... Before she moved out it was difficult enough getting everyone where they needed to be on schedule. Now it's crazy. We are agreed in letting the girls go where they want, but they have to stick to the schedule that they decide. The exception is when I'm on nights, they have to go to their Mom's. I sent her a long letter today pouring out my guts. Told her that I was not giving up on the marriage, but I would give her space and freedom. The next week I'm on nights, so I should have NC for at least 3 days, who knows? I try to be civil and cordial when discussing scheduling. All I know is it hurts to see her and it hurts to not see her. I guess what I can do is go full e-mail/texting to keep NC. Wish me luck.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

No contact means not contacting her about marriage issues. Only contact about the kids. Did this blindside you or have things been rough for a while?


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## Tom16 (Sep 27, 2012)

Total blindside. I knew things weren't all sunshine and roses, so I sought affirmation and bam! She says she's unhappy, has been for probably the entire marriage. Loves me like a brother, not a husband. No spark between us. Says I am the perfect husband. Says there is no one else (I've checked as well as I can, can't find him). Went to one session of MC, she said it would not change her mind. I'm really having a hard time with all of it. I know all the stuff, let her go, 180, get on with my life etc...but it's very hard. I'm all twisted up inside. If it weren't for my girls I'd be insane. I gotta carry on for them.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

dmmit. another one. There's 8 breakups and divorces close to me and I don't know a LOT of people. I'm sorry that you're here Tom. 

I don't know what to tell you. I didn't read your backstory yet. I'm so sorry you're gonna have to go through this. 

My wife cheated on me with a 19 yr old boy (she's 28) and ever since then, she's flipped, telling me she doesn't love me like that etc.. she hasnt' been happy the whole marriage. Which I find b/s. She says when she "acted" happy and lovey with me, she said it was just to make me happy. I don't buy it. She swears there's no one else, and I KNOW it's over with the OM (he's ****ting around with many many other girls, 2 are 15) I know it's over, but I think she's going the route of "I just don't want to be married anymore" bit. 

I hope your situation turns out much better than mine's going. 

Good luck and try to keep yourself busy.


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## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

My husband left me in August after 17 years. I know the pain you are going through. I, too, was pretty shocked. He said that he is no longer in love with me and that he wants to be free to do whatever he wants. For the most part, the pain is getting better. I did have a pretty good crying spell two nights ago in bed because I felt so alone. Guess there will be those times, but they are less and less now. Thinking of you!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Hope you guys are doing ok today. I'm pretty much in the numb state now. I get down quite hard still, but I haven't cried at least in a while. I've been packing up my wife's fav. things around the house so I make sure they're taken care of. 

She came and gave me a hug.. CAME TO ME... and gave me a hug. Asked if my night was rough. I kinda grunted and said "ehh yeah"

She made small talk. I went and picked her up some things from the store and got her coffee. I ... feel ok... but .. I don't know. 

Anyways, I hope everyone has a great day today. I hope the pain eases up for you all today and hope life gives you something to smile about all day.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Tom,

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Read all the links.

I'll bet you see yourself in them.


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