# Why Don’t Men Think About Their Children When They Leave For Another Woman?



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

I think this article could apply to both sexes:

Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch Â» Why Don’t Men Think About Their Children When They Leave Their Family For Another Woman?

From the article:
_
"*Men Aren’t Often Thinking Rationally When They Are Having An Affair:* You know the phrase “I wasn’t in my right mind?” Well, I believe that this is applicable during an affair. In order to betray your spouse and yourself, you will often have to act outside of your normal, rational self. Because if you weren’t able to do this, it would be very difficult to carry out your cheating. In a sense, you have to turn off your regular rational thinking and your regular emotions. And this is one way that they are able to leave those who are most important to them. They just aren’t having their normal thought processes. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it may offer some insight as to why they are not acting as they normally would.

*They Know That They Can’t Look Into The Eyes Of Their Family Every Day And Continue To Do What They Are Doing*: Often, cheating husbands live with a high degree of guilt. Every time they have to come home and see the faces of their children, every time they have to look into the trusting eyes of their spouse, they feel pain and guilt. Many of the cheaters who comment on my blog explain how trying and difficult it is to live this sort of double life. So it becomes clear that he can no longer live in this way. For whatever reason, he isn’t ready or willing to end the affair, so he will take the cowardly route out and move away from his family so that he no longer has to feel guilt every time he has to look at them."_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

The topic about children being affected when one of the spouses betrays the family is one that needs to be discussed from time to time IMO.

*When a betrayal happens and there are children in the household their emotions are damaged.* I used the term one time on this forum that when a person betrays the family then the children’s emotions are molested. That got a very strong response from a few posters. That is a true statement but I guess that truth cuts deep with some people and they want to tone it down.

I think that people in marriages with children need to know that betrayal can cause great damage to children. *The reason I think this is important is that it may stop some people before they betray.* When one betrays they can counter with saying that heir spouse was negligent, abusive, and selfish and that is often the case. Of course the situation where the spouse that is being abused tries everything and the other spouse will not change then getting a divorce first is the best of the bad choices left. Some even say that infidelity was terrible but it did jolt the marriage enough that both partners took their damage and made some areas much better. I have actually seen that happen. 

You cannot get away from the fact that betrayal will damage innocent children. I know this is not a pleasant subject to talk about but it is real and I hope that before anyone goes through with betrayal they will take into consideration that fact. When you read some stories on this forum you can almost see why the spouse would cheat in the case of one spouse really being a complete selfish abuser. *However, when you have children involved it does not matter how bad the other spouse is you should take into consideration the innocent children before taking any actions.*

I am not saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship I am saying that you take into consideration the children then take actions to get the relationship better or divorce. I think that even divorce is less damaging than cheating. Also, when the damage to the children has already occurred you can repair that damage if you take the right actions for a long enough time.

*Considering that innocent children will be damaged is one way to help prevent betrayal.* That is why I think that mentioning this truth from time to time may help.


Blunt


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

First point - self-centred attitude
Second point - happy to live with the guilt as long as they don't have to face it

Both points - cowardice abounds


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

*Re: Why Don’t Women Think About Their Children When They Leave For Another Woman?*

I had to change the thread title in my response, because of those people I known personally with children who have suffered through infidelity, it's more than 2 to 1 women doing the cheating. 

And generally the women have wrapped themselves in the flag of motherhood (especially in family court!) about how they are the only ones who really know how to take care of their children, which puts an ugly taste on those quotes. If they know so much raising children and their needs (by virtue of their gender alone apparently) and how infidelity hurts them, then why do they do it? why?

Sadly, the majority of cheating women I've seen have moved mountains to remain unaccountable for their actions (and blame their husbands as much as possible for their decisions) while almost none of the men did that.

My personal observations may be skewed because the majority of the men that I am thinking of are professional/higher earner types that usually allowed their wives to be SAHMs. 

From what I knew, often these were situations where the ladies looked down on their husbands for not providing "more" and then resenting them for working a lot to bring home the extra bacon they were wanting. Couple that with motherhood and homemaking not being the wonderland of ease, fulfillment and success that they had somehow though it would be (media, tv, etc) and the desire to "trade up" or "step out" to get that something more they felt they "deserved" kicked in.

So yeah, truthseeker got it with the first line.


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## LaQueso (Dec 30, 2012)

I am trying to figure this one out thanks. I have 5 small children and it seems my husband has just upped and left me hanging. I was a SAHM and actually liked it.I did notice in the 3 months before I found out why he was being so weird that head started picking fights with me and our kids and just being so cranky and now I think it was his guilt. Too bad he is still taking the coward's road and even hiding behind the POSOW's skirts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> The topic about children being affected when one of the spouses betrays the family is one that needs to be discussed from time to time IMO.


I agree. 

Often it's the kids who suffer most and through the pain the betrayed spouse sometimes fails to fully grasp what they are going though.

Also, kids hide the pain better than spouses. I think it is important to have them, if at all possible, to sit with a therapist a few times to make sure they have coping skills to deal with it all.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

*Re: Why Don’t Women Think About Their Children When They Leave For Another Woman?*



Anubis said:


> I had to change the thread title in my response, because of those people I known personally with children who have suffered through infidelity, it's more than 2 to 1 women doing the cheating.
> 
> And generally the women have wrapped themselves in the flag of motherhood (especially in family court!) about how they are the only ones who really know how to take care of their children, which puts an ugly taste on those quotes. If they know so much raising children and their needs (by virtue of their gender alone apparently) and how infidelity hurts them, then why do they do it? why?
> 
> ...


I disagree about the "women do it more get away with it" I think people who betray generally follow the same pattern regardless of their gender. If you are a betrayed husband you see a repeating pattern with the cheating wives because that's the group you identify with. I'm a betrayed wife and I see tons of men who haven't given one thought to the impact their infidelity has had on their children.
Wouldn't it be nice if this article prevented infidelity in the future. Not very likely though. As the article pointed out folks who cheat are not thinking and someone who was willing to consider the implications of their future actions, most likely wouldn't need an article to remind them that their actions have consequences.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Though the title of the article is a bunch of Bullsh1t and just there to get a rise out of men. As you can see the comments section is closed. I wonder why ?

But beyond the title I agree with the article. My STBXW pretty much abandoned my kids.. She does see 1 of them because she dragged him along during her affair to see this other man. He is 8 years old and just doesn't understand yet, but he will eventually. But my oldest 13 year old wants nothing to do with her and I'm fvcking glad to be honest.. 

What apology she failed to tell me she will eventually, when she grows a pair ( if she ever does ) have to tell my son.. But as times goes by it just gets worse and worse for her.. But that isn't my issue, that is her issue. As long as I fix things between me and my son(s) that is all that matters to me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Not really trying to be crass here, but in the simplest of phrases:

*"Because a hard appendage hath no conscience!"*


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think I'll wait for the prequel article... "Why Don't Women Think About Their Children When They Unilaterally Decide To Shut Down Their Sex Life". In my experience, that article should have come out a couple of years before the one about cheating. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

PBear said:


> I think I'll wait for the prequel article... "Why Don't Women Think About Their Children When They Unilaterally Decide To Shut Down Their Sex Life". In my experience, that article should have come out a couple of years before the one about cheating.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*And lest we should never forget that women tend to cheat just as much as men do!*


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> *And lest we should never forget that women tend to cheat just as much as men do!*


That's true, for sure. My SO went without sex for 2 years in her marriage, and then she cheated on her spouse as well. And yes, I realize that some people will think we both deserve each other, being two cheaters...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Both Sexes can be guilty of this I know since I raised My 22 yoa by myself since she was 3 yoa ~ Momma my ex just wanted to live the party Lifestyle -very selfish


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Because, their blood is no longer in their brain.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

The one I can't wrap my head around is those who leave their children (and make no effort to see them) for another woman who has kids of her own.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> The one I can't wrap my head around is those who leave their children (and make no effort to see them) for another woman who has kids of her own.


The other kids are incidental in many cases. They left their own kids because they were leaving the old mother; they are with the new kids because of the new mother. Some men, or some people rather, just don't connect well with kids (if at all). And if they're cheaters, they're likely more inclined to be about pleasing #1 anyway. If they do have a conscience, as mentioned in OP, they may be avoiding reminders of what an awful person they've become.

Women do leave their kids behind too - my own story of infidelity is connected to such an incident. I hate the tactic of inflammation vs education in articles. Even if men were more likely to abandon, while women are more likely to leave and take the kids with them to continue care, this is not always an ideal situation for kids either. The mother, for the same types of selfish reasons, may be leaving a loving and caring father and a safe home for a far worse situation.


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