# Fallen out of love



## In limbo (Apr 4, 2010)

This is my first time posting. This year will be 21 years married - this is my second marriage - the first time I was young and it lasted only a year. We are good friends now but it took some growing up. Then I met a man who was the total opposite of me and married him. Whatever the reason or the rhyme, I don't feel any "love" for him anymore. I don't want to hug him, hold him, hold his hand or make love. I am tired of laying there hoping it would soon be over. But I want to hold hands with a man, hug him, kiss him and make love to him. I want to sit on the couch and watch a movie with him. I want to have that look with someone that you can't get enought of them. I am so hurting inside. I hate this situation. If finances were different I would leave. My husband keeps telling me he loves me and that I'm pretty but it doesn't do anything for me or make me feel differently. I know he wants to have sex or even some kind of contact but I just don't feel that way towards him. If finances were different I would leave right now but I can't. I guess what I want to know is is this what happens after 20 years? You just do it to satisfy the other and then go about your daily lives. Work, school, church, vacations, holidays, etc. and don't have that "loving" feeling. I guess I want that fairy tale ending. Please someone help me figure this out.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Honestly it sounds like your husband is the one about relationships , marriage , and happy endings. You seem to only be about yourself which doesn't make a marriage or relationship. I bet your unhappiness is from something within yourself and nothing to do with him. 

I don't think running away from a marriage you partly caused will bring you any happiness because you don't understand why you even feel the way you do. 

I think you owe it to him to search within yourself to why your really unhappy. Your post doesn't say you have tried to do anything to change your situation other then you want to run away. Running is easy and normally gets you no where in the end.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Careful thoughts - I'm not sure if wanting to be happy yourself really constitutes being selfish...

Me thinks you both need to reconnect. Women are better relationship barometers than guys. Guys may wish things were better but just figure they are OK and that is that way things are.

You may find your husband feels a bit the same way as you do. You may just need to listen to each other more, go out on date.s "You never take me out" is not maybe the best way to approach this  - maybe make a date and tell him you picked it out because you wanted to spend more time with him.

Going to counseling doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it means you want to make your situation better. I've certainly spent moneey on worse things


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How many hours each week do you spend together doing non-kid, non-work things? To stay in love, you have to act like you're in love - go on dates, talk to each other, share interests, do new things together...generally just 'feel good' together. If you aren't doing this, of course you will feel out of love.

It takes work. 

But just leaving this marriage won't fix that. You'll fall 'out of love' with the next guy, too, if you don't put some work into it.

Question: What has changed in the last 6 months? Are you taking a class? New job? New thing for the kids you're going to? What's changed?


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