# Pregnant and going thru divorce



## SEF31 (Aug 23, 2012)

Is anyone else going thru what im going thru??, Im currently 7mths pregnant with my JERK of a husbands baby. Well we were in the process of a divorce, but then i found out i was pregnant when i was 4mths, and my attorney advised me to hold the divorce until the baby's born. Anyways this JERK left me because I was just too fat to be with...mind you i was a little heavy, i was like 172 or so (well, ive gainded like 20lbs during this pregnancy). Also he is "Muslim" and he has always held it over my head that i need to "look" into his religion. Well thats kinda funny because he doesnt even practice Islam. All he does his Ramadan every year, but that is about it. And i know for a fact that he started cheating on me before we got seperated, he would lock his phone and text and talk secretly. I always thought that our marriage was good, not great, but we had a good relationship. I was happy, but he would just always bring my weight and religion up, i guess he thought i would change for him, and when i didnt i guess he thought he could just drop me and leave me and his 3yrs old daughter so he can find someone that better suits him. Anyways he seems to think that his rights as a father is to be there when the baby is born, to name the baby and for the baby to have his last name. I DONT want his ass there when i have this baby, i would rather have my family who have been there for me thru this difficult time, and i DONT want my baby girl to have his last name!!! In my heart i dont want to keep him from his baby when she is born, and since my 3yr old daughter has his last name already i feel that it doesnt look right that they have different last names, but have the same father. I just feel he has not been there for me through out my pregnancy and he doesnt deserve to be there in the hospital or have the honor to have his stupid last name!! Anyways THANKS to anyone for listening(spelling?) to my situation....hope maybe to hear with some feedback.


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## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

You legally can't be divorced in some states or all if the wife is pregnant. I'm not sure about the last name thing, you may want to ask your lawyer. After the baby is born there will be a child custody/visitation hearing and you'll have to go in front of the judge since its involving a child (to my knowledge). I looked up divorce while I was pregnant, what I should have done is leave him, move to my home state, live there 6 months and THEN file for divorce. You'll have to change midwives but it will be better for you in the long run if you are the better suited parent (in my case it was another state). But, I don't know your situation.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

SEF31 said:


> Is anyone else going thru what im going thru??, Im currently 7mths pregnant with my JERK of a husbands baby. Well we were in the process of a divorce, but then i found out i was pregnant when i was 4mths, and my attorney advised me to hold the divorce until the baby's born. Anyways this JERK left me because I was just too fat to be with...mind you i was a little heavy, i was like 172 or so (well, ive gainded like 20lbs during this pregnancy). Also he is "Muslim" and he has always held it over my head that i need to "look" into his religion. Well thats kinda funny because he doesnt even practice Islam. All he does his Ramadan every year, but that is about it. And i know for a fact that he started cheating on me before we got seperated, he would lock his phone and text and talk secretly. I always thought that our marriage was good, not great, but we had a good relationship. I was happy, but he would just always bring my weight and religion up, i guess he thought i would change for him, and when i didnt i guess he thought he could just drop me and leave me and his 3yrs old daughter so he can find someone that better suits him. Anyways he seems to think that his rights as a father is to be there when the baby is born, to name the baby and for the baby to have his last name. I DONT want his ass there when i have this baby, i would rather have my family who have been there for me thru this difficult time, and i DONT want my baby girl to have his last name!!! In my heart i dont want to keep him from his baby when she is born, and since my 3yr old daughter has his last name already i feel that it doesnt look right that they have different last names, but have the same father. I just feel he has not been there for me through out my pregnancy and he doesnt deserve to be there in the hospital or have the honor to have his stupid last name!! Anyways THANKS to anyone for listening(spelling?) to my situation....hope maybe to hear with some feedback.


Wow, welcome to my life... well sort of.

I am 37 weeks pregnant and just found out last week that my common-law husband (9 years together and have 8-year-old son) has been cheating on me since April online as well as is addicted to pornography (not just a casual user). I just kicked him out and we are currently separated and he's in denial and playing the victim. I think I can relate to your plight and know exactly how you feel.

I'm sorry to say, I don't have much in terms of advice but I feel for you and your baby. Just as I do for me and mine. If you want to talk, PM me. Maybe we can lean on each other for support. I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

SEF31 said:


> I DONT want his ass there when i have this baby, i would rather have my family who have been there for me thru this difficult time, and i DONT want my baby girl to have his last name!!! In my heart i dont want to keep him from his baby when she is born, and since my 3yr old daughter has his last name already i feel that it doesnt look right that they have different last names, but have the same father. I just feel he has not been there for me through out my pregnancy and he doesnt deserve to be there in the hospital or have the honor to have his stupid last name!!


I can't relate to the weight/name calling but the different faiths, yes and these feelings you have, yes and yes. Unfortunately, my @sshat of a husband is the only family I really have though.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I have been left twice now and pregnant, how did it happen well he got cancer the second time and i believed his lies that he had changed, wrong wrong and wrong again.

Our marriage was a farce, he put alot of pressure on me to marry him using tears and guilt from having cancer, saying he wanted to be with us and our 2 1/2 year old daughter and marriage was the only way he could legally get into the uk.

Well even though he was on chemo and said he was infertile managed to get me pregnant whilst we were visiting him in the states, i was very ill with hyperemesis and was put on a drip in hospital, this is when he pounced with pressure and guilt, i needed help getting home, he said he'd help, two doctors signed i needed help, first he said he could then he didn't have enough money, so i had to get my insurance to pay for his ticket.

so i am seriously ill, really weak because i also have serious thyroid/adrenal issues in pregnancy and can become bed ridden without the hyperemesis, i got out of the marriage once but he rearranged, i was totally isolated and needed to get home for medical treatment, it was a 6 hour round trip to the register office in California, i could barely stand for the marriage, i got married in jeans and a t-shirt and no ring, when they got to the bit where they say to kiss i just wanted to throwup, no i never kissed him. 

My insurance paid his ticket by this time i had a bleed as well, well they gave me nausea meds, did he help on the flight with our 2 1/2 year old, no he didn't i was up walking 7 hours with her, why he said he couldn't because he was to fat because he'd put on a 100lbs on chemo that made him over 400lbs and 5' 7" and it was *difficult* for him.

Well he stayed a week then returned home leaving me with everything to do, i was hospitalized as i got low blood sugar and had 4+ keytones, i'd lost 3 stones in weight and was seriously ill, and he had stuff to sort, can you believe that.

Oh and all the while he was carrying on with the parts lady that was 10 years older than him (she looks like his mom no she really does) in his company. She asked him to move in. He told me it was wrong what he had been doing then carried on.

I had been totally isolated told it was wrong to even speak to other men as it was not healthy and men and women can't be friends.

The funniest thing ever though was we were talking whilst driving recently as he has visited the children, said i was never married from the and he thumped his chest, suggesting the heart, that man has no heart, because i know no one would put pressure to marry like that and make them suffer as he has done if they loved me.

Ladies just look now to the freedom, i'm never looking back.

peace.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

:2gunsfiring_v1:SEF, I don't have time for a proper response right now but a similar situation occurred to me, except my baby was 4 weeks old. The one point I wanted to make is that I'm sure you can say no to him in the delivery room... after all it is your privates on display and he has no right to invade your privacy.
My second point is that you should breast feed if you can. As long as you do, he can only take the baby for like an hour or two at a time. You need to bond with the baby. Screw him. I'm sorry you're going through this. What a ****.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

@ cloud.... wow, what a terrible thing to have to go through. I am glad you are away from him now. 

I think for me, the isolation is one of the worst parts in this. While not to another country, I moved across the province to be with my STBX all those years ago - away from the only family that really gives a crap and on faith that he was a good guy/would be faithful to me. When you have kids, you end up stuck pretty much wherever you have them unless the ex agrees to move too (will never happen) or is abusive. 

So I feel double betrayed for being out here alone while he gets to be surrounded and supported emotionally by his loved ones and I'm by myself trying to pick up the pieces while keeping a strong face in front of our son...


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