# Tying up for beginners....



## primavera

Hi everyone, I'm a long time lurker here, first time poster.

My BF has hinted that he would like it if I tied him up in the bedroom. I'd like to try, and I figure that if the fantasy for him is about handing over control then I need to be the one to initiate things... but I've never done anything like this before and I'm not sure where to start  Do I hint in advance that we're going to do it? Whip out a pair of handcuffs in the heat of the moment and hope for the best? :scratchhead: 

My BF is generally quite reticent about voicing his desires, and although he evidently likes this as an idea I think he's a little bit nervous too (reading between the lines I think it might be as new to him as it is to me) so I want to make it exciting for him without coming on too strong. I'm also a little on the shy side myself until I warm up, so I'm wondering if there is a subtle way for me to get the ball rolling (welcoming him home from work in full dominatrix costume ain't gonna happen unfortunately ) 

I'd really appreciate any suggestions and advice. I love my BF to bits and I really want to give him pleasure and make him happy.


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## the guy

Wait for your BF to something wrong, like forget to put the toilet seat down, then grap him and put his hands behind his back and escort him to the bed room.

The next time he does something small wrong do the same thing but this time tie him up.

Once he is tied tell him the safe words are "red" for stop and untie me and "yellow" for slow it down, not so rough but keep going.

Then the third time don't even wait for him to be bad, order him to the bed room.

The point here is take small step and most importantly have that "safe" word. 
Before you know it you will have him chained...hanging upside down in the cellar.

Play safe and have fun.


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## the guy

I must have missed the "costume" comment.lol 
I agree, don't invest in all that expensive leather until you get to that level....again take small steps.


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## Anon Pink

Once you get aroused and your inhibitions are lowered, then it is time to take over. Just pull away while smirking a dirty little smile and tell him to grab the head board. For the first time, I don't suggest you tie him. Just order him to hold that head board and don't let go. Then proceed to have your wicked way with him, tease him, don't let him orgasm. Keep it going as long as you can. Then hop on top of that bad boy and ride him into the sunset!

Next time, if he was good and kept a hold of the headboard, then you tie his hands down with one of his old ties. Always keep scissors by the bed when playing this way.


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## dubsey

I used one of my ties with my wife. had her grab on to one end, I wrapped it around her wrist, around the headboard, back around her wrist and just had her hold on to the other end and said "don't f'n let go". She didn't - it left her plenty of room to move around since she was holding both ends of the tie, plus she could have let go of it and she'd have been free in 2 seconds.


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## HappyGilmore

I will preface this, as many here know by now, with this disclaimer: I'm a fairly experienced kinkster woman, and am a dominant. So, I may have some recommendations for you.

Start light. Some recommend silk scarves. This only works if you are very safe with them--you tie them at his wrists so that they do not cut off circulation. Be able to slip at least a couple of your fingers between his skin and the silk--and it should be comfortable for him. Demand that he communicate with you, that he tell you if he has numbness or tingling to his fingers, or a certain position is hurting his shoulder...etc. Tie the scarves to the headboard with a quick-release knot, so that you can release him quickly if needs be: house fire, pain (not the good kind), or he just said his safe word and is for some reason not enjoying it (sometimes, restraining can flip some psychologic triggers that may be disturbing for some--and cathartic to others).

Or, you can get something like an under-the-bed restraint system, which have soft wrist/ankle cuffs and quick release safety hooks. They aren't too expensive--even fair quality ones are about $40. 

Make sure he has a safe word that does not include "no" or "please" or anything like that, because some people like to play with the "fun non-consent" thing--even some guys. The safe word my husband has is "red" (as in red=stop). 

Hope this helps. Always think towards safety.


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## primavera

Thanks for the advice everyone! That's really helpful (and not too hardcore/scary for a newbie like me ). I like the idea of starting gently with him holding on to the headboard or being able to release himself if he wants to, and if all goes well I might graduate to some soft underbed restraints. 

The guy, it's interesting that you link the idea of tying him up with him being 'punished' (even in a playful/pleasurable way) for doing something 'wrong'. Do you think there's a connection? I sometimes think maybe my BF likes the idea of my taking control because on some level he feels there's something wrong or bad or naughty about sexual pleasure, and if I'm in charge he can let himself enjoy it without feeling guilty.


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## Mr. Nail

There are a few women here who can give you more help but as a submissive personality, I'm willing to help you get the attitude right. You are right don't start by buying a bunch of leather. There are a few things I would recommend you buy. One is a sleep mask. No need to buy an expensive one it really doesn't matter how well it blocks light or how tight it fits. I usually recommend a nice fat soft bridle rope as the other starter item. Now a caution about ropes (actually two) don't tie knots unless you know what you are doing. there are plenty of good websites that can teach you if you are interested and have patience. Second small ropes leave marks that may still be visible tomorrow. if he has an important interview the next day you might consider using a different technique to relax him.

O K the attitude part. Many girls get this wrong. I would avoid starting with punishment because it can lead to it. B****y is not sexy. and don't push abusive. The important part is Control. I would like it if she starts with the because I said so attitude. It also helps if you hint that this is a sexual experience right from the start. Jeans and a bra or is a fine outfit. Just walk into the room and say turn that game off now! (surprise is better than prearranged) If he protests pull the cord (send the message that you are in charge and you will get what you want). Any questions that start with why you answer with "because I said so". A sexy way to lead him to the play room is to grab the end of his belt, the symbology is obvious. Careful it is going to mess up his balance a bit. Put the sleep mask on him and pull his pants to his ankles. This will render him helpless, the pants make a good leg binding and not being able to see lets you decide what will happen next. You can give him safe words at this point. Lay him out on the bed hand him each end of the bridle rope. (it can be run under the bed or around the headboard if you have a sturdy one.) Tell him that if he lets go of the rope the game will be over. This is way safer than tying his wrists and is a good place to start. Also gives him an easy out if he forgets to use the safe word. Now what you do from here depends a lot on what you and he like. Some common starters are tickling, bites, pinches, or ice. Play as long as you want and as much as he wants, or almost as much as he wants. Make sure everyone gets a happy ending. 

well thanks for bringing up the topic. Have a safe fun event. Now I won't sleep tonight. (sweet torture)
MN


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## HappyGilmore

primavera said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone! That's really helpful (and not too hardcore/scary for a newbie like me ). I like the idea of starting gently with him holding on to the headboard or being able to release himself if he wants to, and if all goes well I might graduate to some soft underbed restraints.
> 
> The guy, it's interesting that you link the idea of tying him up with him being 'punished' (even in a playful/pleasurable way) for doing something 'wrong'. Do you think there's a connection? *I sometimes think maybe my BF likes the idea of my taking control because on some level he feels there's something wrong or bad or naughty about sexual pleasure, and if I'm in charge he can let himself enjoy it without feeling guilty.*


This here is exactly it.


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## HappyGilmore

Mr. Nail said:


> There are a few women here who can give you more help but as a submissive personality, I'm willing to help you get the attitude right. You are right don't start by buying a bunch of leather. There are a few things I would recommend you buy. One is a sleep mask. No need to buy an expensive one it really doesn't matter how well it blocks light or how tight it fits. I usually recommend a nice fat soft bridle rope as the other starter item. Now a caution about ropes (actually two) don't tie knots unless you know what you are doing. there are plenty of good websites that can teach you if you are interested and have patience. Second small ropes leave marks that may still be visible tomorrow. if he has an important interview the next day you might consider using a different technique to relax him.
> 
> *O K the attitude part. Many girls get this wrong. I would avoid starting with punishment because it can lead to it. B****y is not sexy. and don't push abusive. The important part is Control. I would like it if she starts with the because I said so attitude.* It also helps if you hint that this is a sexual experience right from the start. Jeans and a bra or is a fine outfit. Just walk into the room and say turn that game off now! (surprise is better than prearranged) If he protests pull the cord (send the message that you are in charge and you will get what you want). Any questions that start with why you answer with "because I said so". A sexy way to lead him to the play room is to grab the end of his belt, the symbology is obvious. Careful it is going to mess up his balance a bit. Put the sleep mask on him and pull his pants to his ankles. This will render him helpless, the pants make a good leg binding and not being able to see lets you decide what will happen next. You can give him safe words at this point. Lay him out on the bed hand him each end of the bridle rope. (it can be run under the bed or around the headboard if you have a sturdy one.) Tell him that if he lets go of the rope the game will be over. This is way safer than tying his wrists and is a good place to start. Also gives him an easy out if he forgets to use the safe word. Now what you do from here depends a lot on what you and he like. Some common starters are tickling, bites, pinches, or ice. Play as long as you want and as much as he wants, or almost as much as he wants. Make sure everyone gets a happy ending.
> 
> well thanks for bringing up the topic. Have a safe fun event. Now I won't sleep tonight. (sweet torture)
> MN


Mr. Nail, you are right: attitude is everything. Square your shoulders, hold your head up, make eye contact--and stare him down. It doesn't have to be mean. In fact, nothing I do when dominating my husband is degrading. I don't call him names or bark orders. I have a deeper, but softer voice, so it's not in me to yell. I just give him a little smile, and tell him what to do. And he responds with "yes, ma'am" and does it. 

B***hy is not good. Confident is sexy. Be feminine. You can be feminine and dominant at the same time: and for a lot male-submissives, that is irresistible.


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## Mr. Nail

HappyGilmore said:


> This here is exactly it.


Some of it.

There is also the I just had to make tough decisions and be bossy all day and now I want to let that all go.

There is also prove you will own me and possess me.

It's complicated, but I do like absolution punishment as well.

MN


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## HappyGilmore

Mr. Nail said:


> Some of it.
> 
> There is also the I just had to make tough decisions and be bossy all day and now I want to let that all go.
> 
> There is also prove you will own me and possess me.
> 
> It's complicated, but I do like absolution punishment as well.
> 
> MN


Okay, and that too.  

My husband runs his own business (big game guide). But he likes to cut loose with me and just let go of control. 

And I do not mind obliging that. Not at all. 

(criminitly, all this talk, and he has to work late and I have a nasty cold)


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## richardsharpe

Good afternoon primavera

First the practical stuff: Scarves, clothesline, ties all work. Be very careful not to cut off circulation. Always have a serrated knife or scissors nearby to cut him free. 

Have a safeword. Tell him when you time him up "just say "red" if you want me to stop". 

Don't worry about costumes - though a single bit of "kinky" can help. Wearing normal lingerie (black if possible) - and get a riding crop. (you don't need to use it, but the visual effect is nice). 

Then when you are expecting to be intimate anyway, have things ready, when he comes into the bedroom, let me see what you are wearing / carrying and "order" him to lie down on the bed.


First time keep things mild. I'd suggest "making" him do things you know he already likes to do. When he is tied up, start teasing him - minor stuff at first, then get him really worked up and desperate. Then straddle his face and insist that he give you oral (if he normally likes doing that). Maybe light smacks with the riding crop - judge his reaction. Pretend you are doing all of this for your pleasure (and of course enjoy as much as you can), but really the focus is on him. Finally let the poor guy out of his misery by riding him, oral or hands, whatever he likes.

Judging from his reactions you can see what sort of thing he likes.


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## Almostrecovered

being an Eagle scout comes in handy


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## SamuraiJack

The most important part is putting them away before anyone sees them...especially children.


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## primavera

SamuraiJack said:


> The most important part is putting them away before anyone sees them...especially children.


Luckily no danger of that SamuraiJack - neither of us has children and there's no-one else likely to wander in at the wrong moment


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## primavera

Thanks again for the replies and advice everyone - I have lots of ideas now! I should be seeing my BF tomorrow night, so if the mood is right and I'm feeling assertive I'll try some of them out... 

I'll definitely start out with baby steps, for me as much as for him, so we can gradually find out what we actually like and how far we want to go. I'm excited about the idea of being in control and teasing him though, so that seems a very good place to start


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## GettingIt_2

HappyGilmore said:


> Always think towards safety.


I read that as, "Always _kink_ towards safety." Made me do a double take!


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## HappyGilmore

GettingIt said:


> I read that as, "Always _kink_ towards safety." Made me do a double take!


:lol:
Could be used interchangeably. Think safety. Kink safely. :smthumbup:


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## Voltaire2013

HappyGilmore said:


> :lol:
> Could be used interchangeably. Think safety. Kink safely. :smthumbup:


The wifey can never tell me what she really likes so instead of being pissy I took a shotgun approach, the tied up thing is a definite yes. I googled a lot, bought some rope and practiced this:
The French Bowline Arm Shackle by Two Knotty Boys.avi - YouTube a lot. Half the turn on for her was the time it took. It's not all that hard. The posters, 2 knotty boys have lots more, that are more complicated. This serves the purpose for me. The teasing and barely sexual contact whilst restrained builds to bigger things. Just wish she could tell me what she's into directly but that's for another thread.

Enjoy,
V(13)


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## HappyGilmore

Voltaire2013 said:


> The wifey can never tell me what she really likes so instead of being pissy I took a shotgun approach, the tied up thing is a definite yes. I googled a lot, bought some rope and practiced this:
> The French Bowline Arm Shackle by Two Knotty Boys.avi - YouTube a lot. Half the turn on for her was the time it took. It's not all that hard. The posters, 2 knotty boys have lots more, that are more complicated. This serves the purpose for me. The teasing and barely sexual contact whilst restrained builds to bigger things. Just wish she could tell me what she's into directly but that's for another thread.
> 
> Enjoy,
> V(13)


Might I refer you to the "women and rough sex" thread here: 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/214265-women-rough-sex.html

There are lively discussions about women and sexual inhibitions, a bit of a talk about kink, a lighthearted sparing match between a maledom and a femdom, and some good insights into the wide variations in female sexuality. It's not all about "rough sex," per se. 

(and for the purposes of the discussion: HappyGilmore=chick.  )


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## Quant

HappyGilmore said:


> Might I refer you to the "women and rough sex" thread here:
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/214265-women-rough-sex.html
> 
> There are lively discussions about women and sexual inhibitions, a bit of a talk about kink, a lighthearted sparing match between a maledom and a femdom, and some good insights into the wide variations in female sexuality. It's not all about "rough sex," per se.
> 
> (and for the purposes of the discussion: HappyGilmore=chick.  )


I'm the metro sexual maledom.


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## HappyGilmore

Quant said:


> I'm the metro sexual maledom.


With such a sharp and snazzy suit! I will most certainly encourage this kind of cut when my husband needs to get a suit and tie.

OP, please let us know if you have any questions, and let us know how things are going.


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## primavera

HappyGilmore said:


> OP, please let us know if you have any questions, and let us know how things are going.


Happy, there's not much to tell I'm afraid...

I got all psyched up for last night - everything thought out, bedroom ready, sexy black lingerie under my dress - but somehow my self-confidence ebbed away and I couldn't make it happen. I even took the lingerie off before coming to bed.  I was so frustrated and disappointed in myself.

I think maybe I had my heart set so much on giving him some kind of out-of-this-world sexual experience that I put myself under too much pressure (I am a perfectionist and I tend to overthink and overplan everything...) I haven't given up and I will try again another night but perhaps I need to relax and try and go with the flow a bit more


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## HappyGilmore

primavera said:


> Happy, there's not much to tell I'm afraid...
> 
> I got all psyched up for last night - everything thought out, bedroom ready, sexy black lingerie under my dress - but somehow my self-confidence ebbed away and I couldn't make it happen. I even took the lingerie off before coming to bed.  I was so frustrated and disappointed in myself.
> 
> I think maybe I had my heart set so much on giving him some kind of out-of-this-world sexual experience that I put myself under too much pressure (I am a perfectionist and I tend to overthink and overplan everything...) I haven't given up and I will try again another night but perhaps I need to relax and try and go with the flow a bit more


Don't beat yourself up over it, Primavera. Even the best planned BDSM scenes don't go completely according to plan, ever. Just, as you said, relax. There is also some merit to positive visualization.

Remember that time when you were at the top of your game? Think of a specific situation in which you were confident and successful. It could be something you did at work, or when you took a test in college and got an A, or met a personal best when running, or climbed to the top of a mountain. Remember the feelings you had. Visualize it, and allow yourself to feel those feelings over and over again. Especially do this before you are ready to go to bed with your man. You'll find yourself relaxed, but feeling confident and energized.


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## primavera

HappyGilmore said:


> Don't beat yourself up over it, Primavera. Even the best planned BDSM scenes don't go completely according to plan, ever. Just, as you said, relax. There is also some merit to positive visualization.
> 
> Remember that time when you were at the top of your game? Think of a specific situation in which you were confident and successful. It could be something you did at work, or when you took a test in college and got an A, or met a personal best when running, or climbed to the top of a mountain. Remember the feelings you had. Visualize it, and allow yourself to feel those feelings over and over again. Especially do this before you are ready to go to bed with your man. You'll find yourself relaxed, but feeling confident and energized.


Thank you. I'll try!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr. Nail

It is better that you didn't tell him that you almost did it. You really are very smart about this. Don't give up.
MN
oh ps did you want recommendations on books etc?


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## primavera

Mr. Nail said:


> It is better that you didn't tell him that you almost did it. You really are very smart about this.


Maybe not so smart. I told him I had plans for him that didn't come off, but not what they were. (I know, really stupid... I didn't intend to, but I had a glass too many of wine and he could tell I was beating myself up over something and was worried about me.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## primavera

[QUOTE
oh ps did you want recommendations on books etc?[/QUOTE]

Thanks for offering, Mr Nail; I think it might be enough for me just stick with this forum for now though. I knew when I first asked for advice that there must be whole books, websites etc on the BDSM lifestyle out there, but asking the folks on here seemed a more manageable way to start - just tentatively dipping a toe in the water.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe

Good morning primavera
I know its really difficult to put your self out and take the risk of rejection. 

In this case though it sounds like he's hinted that its something he would like, so I think there is almost no chance of rejection and a very big chance that you will give him an incredible thrill.


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## heartsbeating

If you have a bath and a bathrobe, why not start there? Have a bath to help you relax for a start, once you're out of the tub, and with your bathrobe on, kiss him and either hold his hands above his head, or whisper for him to do this... then remove the belt to your bathrobe and tie his hands with it. The rest is up to you. Play with teasing visuals of what's occurring beneath your bathrobe, the touches you allow, the touches you initiate. Whatever happens, whatever approach you take, be sure to keep a sense of humor nearby. Sometimes things can become goofy (or maybe that's just my husband and I lol) but it always helps to be able to have a laugh and not take it too seriously.


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## Mr. Nail

So, another weekend has come and gone, did you manage to get your whole foot in the water?
MN


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## primavera

Mr. Nail said:


> So, another weekend has come and gone, did you manage to get your whole foot in the water?
> MN


Not yet I'm afraid - we had a lovely weekend but no tying up was involved. I do really appreciate all the advice but I am still gathering my courage to try (I realise how lame that sounds). I hope I'll eventually be able to report back here with something positive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr. Nail

I see this kind of delaying tactic a lot when I'm trying to talk my wife into something she is not so sure about. I'm a bit tossed up about how to approach it here. On the one hand if you don't want to do it, then no one should make you. Even by begging, suggesting, wheedling, or other kind methods of persuasion. On the other hand if you really do want to try it, supporting you in your decision could feel a lot like the above mentioned forms of pushy persuasion. I have to admit that part of the reason we told you not to tell him in advance is to prevent him from pushing you to be dominant. Kind of an oxymoron that spoils the mood anyway. Essentially we were acting as your secret keeper. Anyway I certainly don't think it is appropriate for me to be telling you how to run your own marital sex life. I guess the most I should say is that you should stop thinking of courage and start thinking of fun. Because sex is the Fun game that adults get to play. This tying up is really just a new twist in the game. So have some fun! Usually we end up laughing at some point when we do this.
MN


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## primavera

Mr. Nail said:


> I see this kind of delaying tactic a lot when I'm trying to talk my wife into something she is not so sure about. I'm a bit tossed up about how to approach it here. On the one hand if you don't want to do it, then no one should make you. Even by begging, suggesting, wheedling, or other kind methods of persuasion. On the other hand if you really do want to try it, supporting you in your decision could feel a lot like the above mentioned forms of pushy persuasion. I have to admit that part of the reason we told you not to tell him in advance is to prevent him from pushing you to be dominant. Kind of an oxymoron that spoils the mood anyway. Essentially we were acting as your secret keeper. Anyway I certainly don't think it is appropriate for me to be telling you how to run your own marital sex life. I guess the most I should say is that you should stop thinking of courage and start thinking of fun. Because sex is the Fun game that adults get to play. This tying up is really just a new twist in the game. So have some fun! Usually we end up laughing at some point when we do this.
> MN


Mr Nail, thank you for your insights - they're really valuable. I assumed that the reason for not telling him in advance was to do with the fact that if it was a surprise and entirely initiated by me then it would make the experience more pleasurable for him (which I guess it would), but the idea of not pushing me to be dominant makes perfect sense too.

When I talk about 'courage' (which I realise is a rather over-dramatic choice of word), what I'm really thinking about - as richardsharpe sensed - is facing my fear of rejection. If I was 100% sure my BF would be thrilled then I wouldn't be worried, but I'm nervous about the possibility of choosing the wrong moment, being rebuffed, and feeling I've made a complete fool of myself. 

My BF isn't someone who's particularly sexually driven. He isn't LD to the extent of some of the spouses I've read about on TAM, but enough that my confidence took a knock at the beginning our our relationship (it was what first brought me to TAM as a lurker - I was looking for insights as it just wasn't something I'd encountered before). Our sex life is actually getting better all the time as our trust and openness grows (and we do laugh about/during it as well), and his hinting about being tied up is a sort of breakthrough - the fact that he is harbouring desires and has the confidence to voice them to me means a great deal. That's why I so much want to make it happen for him (and hopefully I would enjoy it too, of course), but also why it feels quite 'loaded'. If I tried to make his fantasy happen and he knocked me back - however sweetly and gently - it might be quite crushing  Still, if I don't take the leap and try, how will I ever know?


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## primavera

I suppose the other thing is, I can completely see that a confident mindset/attitude is crucial to being convincingly dominant, but that's tricky to assume if you're not feeling that confident...


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## dubsey

start with the blindfold before you pull anything else out. he won't pick up on any lack of confidence or concern in your eyes. You can just keep studying him as you go along and choose your path based on his reactions.


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## Thor

primavera said:


> I suppose the other thing is, I can completely see that a confident mindset/attitude is crucial to being convincingly dominant, but that's tricky to assume if you're not feeling that confident...


Act as if you're confident. That is, picture someone such as an actress or someone you know in real life who is confident. Take on that attitude. Borrow it from them and pretend, as if you are an actress in a movie or play.

Here's some wisdom from Joe Walsh's song "Lucky That Way":



> I'll let you all in on a little secret
> If I could share with you a thing or two
> If you just act like you know what you're doing
> Everybody thinks that you do


Joe Walsh "Lucky That Way" Guitar Center Sessions on DIRECTV - YouTube


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## Mr. Nail

I see how the lower drive situation is confusing your initiative. I totally understand the fear of rejection that comes less sex interest. The interesting thing is He had to risk the same kind of rejection to ask you for this. The oh you're a weirdo rejection. One thing to note at this point is that if you like it when he brings up ideas then don't tell him that he is obviously defective to ask for or think of such a thing. That will shut him down quickly. 

OK so you are on equal footing. He is afraid you will think this kink is too much. You are afraid that you won't be enough, or will mess it up, or giggle uncontrollably when you see him all helpless. But, this is not, or should not be, crushing rejection. What it is, and should be, is a first time. Yep, you're a virgin dominant. You get a free pass to make any mistakes (except safety mistakes), And because he wants this, he accepts this and agrees to give you helpful feedback.

Your reply brings up one more thing. You say he has low drive. Is it possible that he has reactive drive? Reactive drive is when once you start things he gets interested. If he is reactive then this is going to work well because this really is an extended foreplay session. Extended foreplay is great for reactive desire.

Honestly I am going to stop writing this reply. very soon. There is another condition that could masquerade as low drive and also lead him to ask for a tie up session. I think you should probably try a gentle session before we get into this. But in the back of my mind I cant help but wonder if he might be a true masochist. 
MN


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## Mr. Nail

This one Amazon.com: BXT Sleeping Eye Mask Eye Shade Blindfold Shade Cover for Travel Sleep (Pink): Health & Personal Care


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## richardsharpe

Good evening Primavera

You are hereby commanded to tie him up tonight and have your way with him. An irresistible demonic voice that you cannot resist has told you do do so. You are completely free of blame if it doesn't work out because you were possessed by demons: :FIREdevil:


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## primavera

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Primavera
> 
> You are hereby commanded to tie him up tonight and have your way with him. An irresistible demonic voice that you cannot resist has told you do do so. You are completely free of blame if it doesn't work out because you were possessed by demons: :FIREdevil:


:lol:
Alas he's nowhere within reach tonight!
However, I have just been online and ordered this:
Tracey Cox Supersex Beginner's Soft Bondage Kit | Bedroom Bondage Kits | Lovehoney
So next time he stays over I and the demons should be ready for him :smthumbup:


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## heartsbeating

Mark Twain — 'If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.'



Not that your guy is a frog. And this isn't about swallowing... the point is, the more you consider it, the scarier it will become. Keep it loose. Be ready to laugh at yourself in the process. Have fun with it.


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## CardReader

Did you see this game on lovehoney?  Tie & Tease Sex Game for Couples

That could be a fun way to get into it if you're feeling nervous. I'm considering getting this myself to get Mr. CR an easy, stress - free intro.


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## murphy5

that will do it. Buy some soft cotton clothes line would do also. A blindfold is good. Also any wooden cooking spoon would work form a little punishment. As i am sure you noticed online, there are a ton of "toys" you can buy, and methods to use. jump right in and try it out


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## Mr. Nail

Oh well!


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## primavera

Well, after many near misses and staring at the frog way too long, I _finally_ succeeded in getting my BF blindfolded and tied up! I had fastened some wrist restraints under the bed frame in advance, which made it much easier just to get them out when the moment was right.

It was all pretty gentle stuff for starters. The wrist straps were a little too long (I hadn't really been able to test them out in advance) so he wasn't as restrained as he might have been and could actually move about quite a lot, and I didn't use the ankle straps at all this first time. I focussed on lots of touching: kisses, licks, little pinches, little bites; I also experimented with a feather duster, which he really enjoyed but in a relaxing rather than an arousing way which wasn't really the intention! I straddled his face and it felt amazing being able to 'make' him pleasure me at will, though as he didn't have much choice in the matter I had some residual guilt about effectively 'forcing' myself on him 

Afterwards he said he really appreciated that I had taken his hints and gone to the trouble of getting in the restraints and the blindfold and the feather duster etc... in fact I think he was quite touched. I hope Mr Nail's right though and I get a free pass as a first-timer - I may have been physically in control, but verbally I didn't have the dom attitude down at all. If his fantasy is about all that as much as the physical restraint then I have work to do!

Thanks everyone for all the advice and encouragement and getting me this far


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## heartsbeating

Ribbit!


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## Redheadguy

Sounds fun!


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## murphy5

By all means, choose a SAFE WORD that you can pronounce!! Unlike this:

Club Vandersexxx - YouTube


:rofl:


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## richardsharpe

Good evening primavera
Don't feel guilt I bet he LOVED it. 
Ask him to be sure, but being "forced" to pleasure a partner is a very common fantasy for men. I would LOVE to have my wife do this to me but she is too shy.

Make sure he has a safe word (or action if his mouth is busy ), then go for it. 

Just be sure to find out what parts of this he enjoyed and what he didn't. 

Now that you have satisfied some of his fantasies, tell him what you would like him to do for you.

have fun .:smthumbup:




primavera said:


> snip
> I straddled his face and it felt amazing being able to 'make' him pleasure me at will, though as he didn't have much choice in the matter I had some residual guilt about effectively 'forcing' myself on him


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## Mr. Nail

Good Job, I really thought you had abandoned the idea. Face straddling is actually kid of advanced in my book. Not in a bad way, just make sure he is breathing.

MN


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## Redheadguy

Mr. Nail said:


> Good Job, I really thought you had abandoned the idea. Face straddling is actually kid of advanced in my book. Not in a bad way, just make sure he is breathing.
> 
> MN


We have tried it a few times. She is a bit shy and was really concerned about suffocating me. It took me dragging her the last few inches into position and holding her down on me to show that everything was ok, and that I could still easily free myself if needed.

I quite liked it, she enjoyed somewhat, but said that her fears of hurting me prevented her from enjoying it more. I think we need to work on some mechanics changes to ease that.


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## ILuvTheDesserts

My wife enjoys this very much but unfortunately I'm lousy in tying knots no matter how hard I try ?? 

How I now wish I did join the Boy Scouts decades ago  !?


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## Maneo

ILuvTheDesserts said:


> My wife enjoys this very much but unfortunately I'm lousy in tying knots no matter how hard I try ??
> 
> 
> 
> How I now wish I did join the Boy Scouts decades ago  !?



So invest in some cuffs to use on her wrists and ankles. You can get them soft and with Velcro fasteners so no abrasions and easy on-off.


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## Mr. Nail

Yes cuffs and Velcro all very easy and safe and not that much more expensive than good ropes. Now if you really are interested in rope work search you Tube for two Knotty guys. There is also a Japanese art but the rules are too strict for me. Anyway I practice more practical knots myself as I am the one who wants to be restrained. I'm working on a custom set of leg restraints that my wife can handle without having to learn knots. Seriously Deserts, look into those videos, you gal will appreciate being your practice model.

MN


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## southbound

Mr. Nail said:


> O K the attitude part. Many girls get this wrong. I would avoid starting with punishment because it can lead to it. B****y is not sexy. and don't push abusive. The important part is Control. I would like it if she starts with the because I said so attitude. It also helps if you hint that this is a sexual experience right from the start. Jeans and a bra or is a fine outfit. Just walk into the room and say turn that game off now! (surprise is better than prearranged) If he protests pull the cord (send the message that you are in charge and you will get what you want). Any questions that start with why you answer with "because I said so". A sexy way to lead him to the play room is to grab the end of his belt, the symbology is obvious. Careful it is going to mess up his balance a bit. Put the sleep mask on him and pull his pants to his ankles. This will render him helpless, the pants make a good leg binding and not being able to see lets you decide what will happen next. You can give him safe words at this point.


I agree. I suppose everybody has different desires, maybe some guys want whips and chains and rough stuff, but I think it's a lot about the woman simply being in control. She could have a Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island personality as long as she let you know that she was in control, like it or not.

A lot of people talk safe words, my x wife and I didn't even have a safe word; there was really nothing going on that could get out of hand. It could simply be a hand job, but he knows you are in control, and if you decide to continue stimulation after the happy ending, you will.


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## ILuvTheDesserts

Maneo said:


> So invest in some cuffs to use on her wrists and ankles. You can get them soft and with Velcro fasteners so no abrasions and easy on-off.


Thank you ! Great advise !! 

Dunno though since she has this thing for them thick ropes and to be tied. I've tried my old neckties but she says it's just not the same  ???


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## Maneo

ILuvTheDesserts said:


> Thank you ! Great advise !!
> 
> 
> 
> Dunno though since she has this thing for them thick ropes and to be tied. I've tried my old neckties but she says it's just not the same  ???



Ahh, if she wants the thick ropes it sounds like she is going more for the ascetics of bondage than the practical aspects. 

You can get thick ropes that are soft but they are difficult to tie tightly. If the two of you are into symbolic bondage, large soft ropes are the way to go. If you want true restraint with no easy escape, you'll need to be more resourceful if she likes thick ropes.


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## ILuvTheDesserts

Maneo said:


> Ahh, if she wants the thick ropes it sounds like she is going more for the ascetics of bondage than the practical aspects.
> 
> You can get thick ropes that are soft but they are difficult to tie tightly. If the two of you are into symbolic bondage, large soft ropes are the way to go. If you want true restraint with no easy escape, you'll need to be more resourceful if she likes thick ropes.


Thank you again for the advise. She enjoys the thicker ones it seems as if because it would really provide her no way to get out and is absolutely vulnerable in them.

She gets intrigued by the BDSM retraints as well but for now we'll need to stick with the more conservative use of neckties and scarves I guess !!??


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## Mr. Nail

Desserts, 
Depending on your budget, you can provide this fantasy without learning to tie more than the six basic knots. Heck you could get by with 2. the easiest way would be to buy 4 lead ropes in soft poly rope. They are 10 feet long and 5/8" in diameter and come with a bolt snap on the end. You will also need a cuff set ankles and wrists. 
This is the type of rope I bought as our first rope. It is good for not leaving marks, but with the cuffs that won't apply. The leads can be had for $10 US each. A cheap set of cuffs for under $20 US. If you want the real and nice stuff Check Ebay and Etsy for handmade leather stuff under $100 US.

The knots you would need are for securing the rope to the bed You could use two half hitches, or for adjust-ability a Taut line hitch. Both of these knots are easy to learn and since you are not tying to the person they are safe. 

MN


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## Mr. Nail

Thinking of changing my name to Mr. Knot just for this thread.

MK


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## Runs like Dog

It's not about hardware, honey. It's about power. It's about control, and domination. It's about getting him to beg you to force your will on him. And then refusing to stop once you get him off and he begs you to stop.


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## Runs like Dog

primavera said:


> Maybe not so smart. I told him I had plans for him that didn't come off, but not what they were. (I know, really stupid... I didn't intend to, but I had a glass too many of wine and he could tell I was beating myself up over something and was worried about me.)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



A dominant is never wrong and never apologizes. That's kind of the point.


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## HappyGilmore

Runs like Dog said:


> It's not about hardware, honey. It's about power. It's about control, and domination. It's about getting him to beg you to force your will on him. And then refusing to stop once you get him off and he begs you to stop.


Oh behave...

You are absolutely correct about this. It's about presence. But that can be developed, OP. Remember what I said about thinking about those situations that make you feel accomplished, confident, on top of the world? Capture that feeling. Then walk into that bedroom with your shoulders squared, lock eyes with him and either say, or imply with your behavior "you're mine."

And don't worry...I had the young domina jitters at first, too. Just remember, you are both learning and exploring this together. 

And also remember to just have fun!


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## Maneo

ILuvTheDesserts said:


> Thank you again for the advise. She enjoys the thicker ones it seems as if because it would really provide her no way to get out and is absolutely vulnerable in them.
> 
> 
> 
> She gets intrigued by the BDSM retraints as well but for now we'll need to stick with the more conservative use of neckties and scarves I guess !!??



You have a wife who wants to give you control with tight and secure bondage with no possibility of escape. Imagine the fun you will have! And it seems clear she wants you to do things to her that she will try to escape her restraints. My wife and I engage in this sort of play. No matter how much she squirms and twists and pulls on her bonds she is helpless to stop what I am doing to her to make her so crazy. 
Enjoy.


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## ILuvTheDesserts

*Re: Re: Tying up for beginners....*



Maneo said:


> You have a wife who wants to give you control with tight and secure bondage with no possibility of escape. Imagine the fun you will have! And it seems clear she wants you to do things to her that she will try to escape her restraints. My wife and I engage in this sort of play. No matter how much she squirms and twists and pulls on her bonds she is helpless to stop what I am doing to her to make her so crazy.
> Enjoy.


She shared this fantasy of hers about a year ago and I was honestly dumbfounded since we've been together 14 plus years , married 10 and I never had a clue !?!

We do t have an opportunity to play this way often and comfortably with 2 young ones but when we have our children with our in laws we almost always take out some kind of rope , tie or scarf 

She does enjoy very much having this helpless and being controlled completely kind of feeling so I'm also trying my best to fall into the proper " Dom " persona ...... for her obvious pleasure of course !?!??!


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## primavera

HappyGilmore said:


> And don't worry...I had the young domina jitters at first, too. Just remember, you are both learning and exploring this together.
> 
> And also remember to just have fun!


Thank you Happy, I really appreciate the understanding and encouragement 
I'm embarrassed to admit I haven't tried anything similar since that one time (mainly because I fear I wasn't much good) and we haven't had a real conversation about how we both felt it went, so I don't really know how if he wants more of the same, or something different, or what... I realise that communication is important and I need to find a way of initiating that conversation, though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

primavera said:


> Well, after many near misses and staring at the frog way too long, I _finally_ succeeded in getting my BF blindfolded and tied up! I had fastened some wrist restraints under the bed frame in advance, which made it much easier just to get them out when the moment was right.
> 
> It was all pretty gentle stuff for starters. The wrist straps were a little too long (I hadn't really been able to test them out in advance) so he wasn't as restrained as he might have been and could actually move about quite a lot, and I didn't use the ankle straps at all this first time. I focussed on lots of touching: kisses, licks, little pinches, little bites; I also experimented with a feather duster, which he really enjoyed but in a relaxing rather than an arousing way which wasn't really the intention! I straddled his face and it felt amazing being able to 'make' him pleasure me at will, though as he didn't have much choice in the matter I had some residual guilt about effectively 'forcing' myself on him
> 
> Afterwards he said he really appreciated that I had taken his hints and gone to the trouble of getting in the restraints and the blindfold and the feather duster etc... in fact I think he was quite touched. I hope Mr Nail's right though and I get a free pass as a first-timer - I may have been physically in control, but verbally I didn't have the dom attitude down at all. If his fantasy is about all that as much as the physical restraint then I have work to do!
> 
> Thanks everyone for all the advice and encouragement and getting me this far


You're doing fine, baby steps into anything new when it comes to sex. Now all you need are some willy torture tools and pull them out when he's tied up 

Kidding... that's how you get restraints BANNED! Heh hell brings back memories - ex had a serious issue with sexual boundaries - which was sad - wasted potential considering her prowess


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## richardsharpe

Good evening primavera
Just go for it - ASK HIM.
From your earlier post it sounded like he enjoyed it. If would be sad if you both missed out on something you both could enjoy because you didn't want to ask....





primavera said:


> Thank you Happy, I really appreciate the understanding and encouragement
> I'm embarrassed to admit I haven't tried anything similar since that one time (mainly because I fear I wasn't much good) and we haven't had a real conversation about how we both felt it went, so I don't really know how if he wants more of the same, or something different, or what... I realise that communication is important and I need to find a way of initiating that conversation, though...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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