# new here, need someone to talk to :(



## beautifuldisaster3687 (Aug 23, 2013)

Hello all. I am new here and am glad to have found this place. Sorry this is so long but i have no one to talk to and i am at my wits end. I have been married 2 months as of 2 days ago and i am already ready to jump ship. and its not because i dont have what it takes to be in a long lasting committed relationship. its because my husband is an *******.... let me explain

I am currently four months pregnant and my husband is just about the least supportive person on the planet. This pregnancy is a lot harder on me than my first one because i was involved in a major car accident in march of 2012 and my back is just in bad shape. I was quite surprised at the amount of pain i was in by 10 weeks of this pregnancy. It was so bad that it scared me and i decided to go to the hospital. I called my husband in a panic because i was scared and in pain and he was so apathetic about the situation. All he did was yell at me "WHAT THE **** DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?" i was so shocked after he asked me that. i couldnt get past the fact that he just didnt care. his sister ended up taking me to the hospital and when my husband called me i asked if he would go to the hospital with me. i really just wanted him to be there with me. (i wasnt ready for another baby yet so i felt the least he could do since i was bearing his second child was to be with me in my time of pain) It was the BIGGEST inconvenience for him to be with me in the hospital. He spent hours *****ing at me because i was gonna be late at the hospital and he needed to go to work tomorrow, etc etc

i ended up in tears and had hospital staff trying to comfort me but i asked them to hurry along with my discharge paperwork because my husband couldnt be bothered to wait. My husband arrived to pick me up and THEN got upset because i wasnt ready yet.

Eventually my sadness about the situation turned into anger and i told him i was leaving him as soon as possible. While i was trying to recover from a panic attack he went and grabbed ALL OF OUR MONEY and hid it from me as a statement that i wasnt going anywhere. which only made my panic attack so much worse...

I was beyond done with him at that point and i am still here a month later because i have nowhere to go. ALL of my friends and family and everyone i know live in houston tx and he has moved our son and myself out to arizona. mom isnt exactly down the street...

Well the past few days have been utter hell. The baby inside me is growing bigger and bigger everyday (thank god!) so he or she is pressing on my sciatic nerve causing me to be in SO MUCH PAIN by the end of the night. i guess he had some rough days at because when i proceeded to ask him to help me with his son because i was in pain he got irrationally upset. He says he is tired of hearing me go on and on about my back pain and he is sick of me constantly asking for help. Basically he is just sick of me. When he got out of the shower i asked him if he was working today and he didnt answer me. he flat out ignored me and i HATE that with a passion (last week he avoided and ignored me for 3 days, it was torture). I demanded to know if he was working or not because i wanted to know if he would be home to help with his son. He didnt answer me and tried to walk out of the door but i stood in front of it and was like "no! i need you to answer me!" for some reason in my head i thought that would make him stop and talk to me. NOPE!! instead he decides to try shoving me out of the way, IN FRONT OF OUR SON mind you. of course i dont want him to leave and not say anything so i am shoving back. and i had a flashback of when i was a little girl and my step dad shoved my mom in front of me while she was holding my little sister...

and i realize i need out ASAP!!!!! my mom is aware of my current situation and wasnt very happy to hear that he got into a shoving match with his pregnant wife. I will admit i have been more whiny than usual and probably shouldnt have been standing in front of the door but i cant be with someone who has the whole "i dont care who you are" mentality. he treats me the same as he does a complete stranger. i want out so bad i cant breathe. My mom is willing to come get me but she cant for another couple of weeks. I have tried and tried and tried to get through to him. sometimes he will snap out of it and apologize. but i have tried a number of different approaches to reach him including trying to explain the pain that i am feeling so he would better understand. the whole time i tried to explain he just kept telling me to shut up over and over again. the amount of times he told me to shut up yesterday was ridiculous. He makes me angry to the point where i am seriously fighting urges to throw things at him. i hate this feeling


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Hi Beautifuldisaster3687,

So sorry to hear what you are going through, it is really a difficult situation you're in. Your H is being very unsupportive and is taking his frustration out on you which has come at the worst time as you're pregnant and need him to support you.

I think there must be something deeper that is bothering him and causing him to act this way. Do you know if he has problems outside of the home, maybe at work? Ofcourse it's not an excuse for the way he is treating you but it might help you better understand where all this anger is coming from. 

In my opinion, the best thing to do is give him space and get out of the house. I know you said you need to wait for your mum so in the meantime try to avoid having any confrontations with him as it will only make things worse. I wouldn't try trying to reason with him unless he is in a really good mood. Mmaybe if you both have some time apart and have your own space it will help your marriage. But tbh he really needs to realise how he is screwing things up and needs to apologise - that's the least he should be doing.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Wow that reads like a damn horror story. You need to stop trying to reach out which doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere and keep interactions with your husband as infrequent as possible until your mom can come to get you. That sounds like a very volatile situation which is compounded by the fact that you're in the middle of a difficult pregnancy. It's most likely just going to get worse once the baby is born.

Your husband sounds like an ******* and it doesn't appear that any attempts at reasoning with him, asking for help, or expecting any type of compassion is going to get you anywhere and is more likely to put you and your pregnancy at risk.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

How long have you two known eachother ? Was there fighting before the marriage? 

I'm going to guess this was not a planned pregnancy. Maybe he doesn't want another child and is taking it out on you. 
See a lawyer but don't throw in the towel yet. Find out what your options are and go to MC.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Four months pregnant and two months married? Is there a possibility that he felt he had to marry you because of the pregnancy? If that's the reason he's wearing a ring, he might be resentful about it. You mentioned this is your second pregnancy. Is he also the father of your first child? I'd resist the temptation to throw things, stand in his way to overcome his silence, or anything else likely to escalate this into a physical confrontation. You have more than a few bruises to worry about if things get out of hand. It could mean the life of your child (who didn't ask for any of this). Your guy is behaving as if his heart isn't in this thing and that's a little strange for someone who's only been married two months.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Your husband may have a serious personality disorder. How was the relationship before you got pregnant? I dont thing it started with pregnancy, you may seen other signs before. Leaving with such man could drive you insane please leave him. Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As you know, you need to get out of there.

It does not matter if he is having issues in his life outside the home, it does not excuse his lack of caring and even mistreatment of you.

I am confused. Whose son is the young boy? Is he both of yours son? Or is he your husband's son from a previous relationship?

Have you considered taking a bus to TX? It might not cost all that much. It would get you out of the house quicker.

Do you have any access to money right now?


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## beautifuldisaster3687 (Aug 23, 2013)

Thank you all for your responses! i was beginning to think i wasnt going to get responses. My husband and i have been together for four years. So it is a much longer story than what i have shared and he goes back and forth between being sweet and loving and being downright evil. We have a three yr old, as in he belongs to both of us. The only reason i came back this time was because he guilt tripped me by saying our son needs his dad. And seeing my little boy get so happy over seeing his dad on skype i figured he was right.

Everything in me told me not to get on that plane but i guess curiosity got the better of me and i wanted to see for myself if he had indeed changed THIS time (which would be like the 8th or 9th time by now) what can i say, i can be a real idiot sometimes. Not only did i come back but i got pregnant. He was super excited about it- which only shows me that he didnt learn a damn thing after our first kid. He must've left me 5 times after our first son was born. Not to mention kicking me out of our house when i was literally days from having our son, because he was "sick of hearing me *****".

Anyway after finding out i was pregnant, the hormones took over and i wanted to make my dream of having a family real so we got married a couple weeks later. he had been asking me and asking me and asking me and finally after the positive test i said ok. And now he acts as if i belong to him and keeps telling me i am not going anywhere. He laughs at me when i mention wanting to go home and threatens me saying if i leave i will never see my son again.

Today i woke up and thought i would go to the store because i am craving fruit like CRAZY. I tried using my phone and realized i forgot to pay the bill so i go to check our funds (because he doesnt believe in bank accounts, we have cash) and he has taken it all again. he was gracious enough to leave me $20 but thats not really enough for grocery shopping and paying my bill. So at the moment i dont have any money, i am just waiting this out. 

and despite everything that has happened in the past week, yesterday he had the nerve to ask me for sex. after being called a ****ty mom, a ****ty wife, crazy, retarded, and stupid, he is really so DUMB to think that i would be interested in having sex with him. then again i was dumb enough to take it this far. 

He doesnt know it yet but he is in for a rude awakening. I told him one day he would come home and we wouldnt be there. he just laughs at me, says i am not going anywhere so to just get that out of my head... needless to say i cannot wait for my mom to get here because i guarantee he will start no drama around her. he is too scared. i just want to get home


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Do you think he has NPD? If he does, he will never change, you have to get out and move on, I dont see why you should continue living with him.


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## beautifuldisaster3687 (Aug 23, 2013)

I had to look up NPD. that may be it i dont know. about a month ago i got him to agree to see a dr but of course now he has changed his mind. I was finally able to go to the store but that turned out to be another disaster. i was trying to keep to myself thinking if i dont say anything he cant get mad and there wont be any fighting. Well he asked how my day was and i said it was fine how was yours, he went on to say it sucked as he does everyday. and then he asked me what was wrong (because i had my head rested on the window and my eyes closed. back was hurting and i was trying to breathe through it.) and i replied "well my back hurts" *explosion* he got mad and said if that was all i have to say to him everyday then what is the point, that i sound like a broken record, and that me saying i am in pain is old news to him...

I am super amazed myself at the rate it snowballed because i was literally saying as little as possible and i was doing my best to maintain my patience and not say anything hurtful. i just wanted to go to the store and get some comfort food (since i really want a cigarette but since i am preggo that is out of the question). well i barely got started, got some oranges, apples, bread and lunchmeat and he says we were leaving. My son was in the grocery cart and i was like "well son at least we got to hang out at the store for ten mins". my husband went and sat in the car and i went up to ask if he could get our son out of the cart and of course that was a pain in his ass. he did it but not without complaining. anyway the whole ride home was terrible too. at one point he called me "****balls crazy" and i was stunned because i hadnt even said anything remotely offensive and was speaking in a calm voice. he then lights a cigarette with me and our son in the car and i said "now you know i am a former smoker and i would really appreciate it if you didnt smoke a cigarette right in front of my face while i am pregnant and cant smoke." and he said and i quote "i dont give a ****." i got a real winner here. needless to say i am just tired from growing a baby and constantly fighting. It seems to be getting progressively worse. I think i know where he hid the money and everything in me wants to find it and get me and our son home while he is at work.


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## kezins (Aug 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear what you're going through. A real man doesn't get into a shoving match, especially with someone who is pregnant. I hope you cam find a way to stay safe. Guys willing to shove women often have it in them to go farther.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Find a lawyer and get started on the paperwork. Contact local or state legal services to find an attorney willing to take your case pro bono. Lawyers are typically required to perform a certain number of hours per year worth of pro bono work as a requirement by their state Bar association. I'm sure you could find a decent attorney. File for divorce along with an emergency custody request to get temporary full custody of your son and then go with your mom to get the heck out of there.

For starters, he probably won't change. IF it is possible for him to change, he sure won't change until you are gone and have filed for divorce. That's when you'll see him make a decision, either to let you go and go full-on *******, or realize that you cant' be fooled anymore and he needs to take the time to himself to wake himself up and change. Remember, you can drag the divorce proceedings out for a long time in most states to give him time, if you feel like it's worth it.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I wonder if you can get an annulment, since its only been two months. Just hang in and bide your time until your mom can come get you. DO NOT TELL HIM that she is coming for you! Start getting stuff together DISCRETELY so he doesnt notice. Then once your mom gets there, when he goes to work, GRAB YOUR STUFF, AND YOUR SON, AND LEAVE.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

beautifuldisaster3687 said:


> ...I think i know where he hid the money and everything in me wants to find it and get me and our son home while he is at work.


Why don't you do it?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

May I ask if you have a specific plan on getting away? If you don't feel comfortable putting all out in case he could find it online (you never know I guess) that's understandable. But have you made plans for your exit strategy??


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