# dealing with his ex



## keeper (Oct 5, 2009)

My husband and I love each other like crazy. He is my best friend and we get along really well. So what's the delima? He can't get rid of his ex wife, and it is ruining my trust and a lot of other stuff.

She used to call him, and email him at home. In the begining he responded a few times. What was talked about I don't know. We changed our numbers. She found out I had his email password, and could read her sent messages, so she began emailing him at work. Periodically he would recieve, and read emails from her starting drama about me. She called me controlling and mental at one time, however he never corrected her. I became angry and told him he needed to tell her not to email him anymore. He didn't want to, but he did it to make me happy. She flipped out and responded very hateful towards him and attacked me verbally. 

Two months later, a week after our baby was born, she emailed him nicely asking to send her a copy of their divorce decree. He imediatly responded saying, "No problem!..." Then he managed to find it, and come to her aid. He never told me, I found out about it weeks later.

Two months after that, she sends him an email at work....a loong love letter telling him how much she misses him, how she's devistated about their divorce three years ago, and that he knows in his heart how much she loves him and she wishes I would let him talk to her. He reads the whole thing. And tells me about it. He decides not to respond. He decides not to block her either. 

Three weeks later I fond an old checkbook of hers in my nightstand drawer. Their marriage licence in his shorts drawer. And stuffed away in a closet is their wedding CD, some school papers of hers and other "papers". Theese are things that somehow survived two years, and three moves. I put everything together and on the kitchen counter and said nothing. A fight came later that evening after I pulled his divorce decree out of his work bag. 

So now, a few months later, a woman aproached me worried about her children. Said her ex husband has a crazy new girlfriend (guess who? yep, my hubby's ex wife.) and she needs to know what I have to say about this woman. So, I tell her what I know.

THe next day, my husband gets an email from his ex wife's sister. Accusing me of logging into her facebook, and telling the girl "secret" information. She throws out accusations against me, legal threats with no ground. My husband took three days to respond. And I made him respond. When I asked him to correct her and stick up for me he got mad. 

Now I am begging him to block her... but he wont look into it and pretends he doesnt know how, even though i told and showed him how a few times....

So, any thoughts on his side? I'd love to know what to do, civally.
I was thinking about why he would be so nice to her, why he wouldn't "tell her off" and then ignore her in the first place. I have allready had the "I want her out of our life" conversation with him, and he has stated the same. He told me he does not want her to contact him anymore. But when she does, he reads her emails word for word. This girl is crazy, I can't begin to tell you ladies half the things she has done for attention. I'm talking mental teenage personality living like a twisted soap opera. She's nuts. 

What do you suppose is up with my husband? We get along so well in everything else in our marriage and home is beautiful. 

Should I ask the men what they think too?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Yes, ask the men.

He must enjoy the drama and like the fact that she's still in love with him. He wants to indulge in that feeling, even if it at your expense.

Or, he feels that if he blocks her it will set her off worse. But how will she know if her emails go straight into the garbage? She won't. He just won't respond to her. The thing is, she may request something he feels he needs to respond to.

My advice : Get your lawyer to write her a polite letter requesting that all contact go through her lawyer to him. That way if she wants to say something, she has to spend money to do it. It ought to cut way back on the nonsense.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Well, I don't know your whole situation but I would be upset if my wife did that with an ex (if she had an ex). I guess my question to you would be - did they have children? Becuase short of wanting to keep in touch in case of the children needing something; there would be absolutely no reason whatsoever to want contact. So as a man on here, I guess I am saying that if I had children by an ex; then I would be a little hesitant to cut off contact. But then again, that would be the only content I would want in an email from her. If there are no children between them, you should have a calm but serious conversation with your H and ask him to tell you explicitly why he feels that he needs to continue contact with her. Put him on the spot to justify why he won't block her.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It sounds to me like your husband is doing his best to avoid any drama with his ex. He knows what she is like and probably doesn't want any major confrontation with her at this point.

I think the more you search through his things and get in arguments about her, the drama will continue. I'd probably react the same way he does...I don't think he enjoys the drama but I think your reacting to her is creating unnecessary drama within your marriage.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

I agree with Swedish- it does sound like he is trying to avoid the drama. You should probably just be the better person and try to stay out of her issues- that will just cause more drama if you are talking about her to other people- let her move on... the faster she moves on the faster she will get out of your life. If she isn't very mature- him being mean to her could set her off and make her want to make even more of a mess with you two. He does need to stop contact if they don't have kids, but if I were you... I would try and stay out of the drama too and trust him until he gives you a reason not to.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear that she is being a drama momma. I agree with the others, trying to avoid drama probably seems like a really good idea to your hubby, but I definately understand how awkward and annoying that must be to you. I hope that she can move forward and leave you two alone honey.


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## Mavia (Sep 28, 2009)

Wow Dobo is really amazing! Yes, ask the attorney to draft and send a letter and ask your husband to have NO contact with her. She can get copies of the Divorce Decree through the court house. There should be no reason whatsoever for any communication at all between the two of them or with her. If she is completely ignored long enough, perhaps she'll finally give up.


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## l3arista (Oct 8, 2009)

After reading that I feel confused, maybe your husband does to. On the one hand you tell him not to contact her, then you tell him to make contact to correct and stick up for you.
How about no contact whatsoever, no matter what! 

Although I get the underlying feeling there is a child in the mix. Then that changes everything.


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