# Separated -Day 4 -is this normal?



## Isabellam (Aug 23, 2010)

hey guys, so it's been almost four days since my husband moved out for our 3 month trial separation. I do not think that it has really hit me yet. I have not really missed him and not sure if I will miss him. Maybe it is because I don't have the constant stress anymore of wondering when or how we were going to get out of this rut. 

To be honest, I am not very hopeful that we'll come back together in 3 months. As much as I romantice in my head the "good old days" - we have some serious issues to deal with. Anyway, I am sitting here feeling guilty for not missing him and wanting to talk to him. 

We have e-mailed several times over the last few days to deal w/ household logistics, but that's it. While he says I love you or thi sis hard, it is not like he is crying to come back home either. I guess it is all to new.
For those of you out there who have gone through a separation - has it helped? Did you come back together? or was it just the beginning of the official end?

Your thoughts?


----------



## Tangled (Nov 11, 2010)

Mine wasn't quite a seperation more of an abandonment and when I met up with him a week later he told me we were officially seperated, I cried well I had been crying already It hurt for a whole month its been getting better, I suppose if it was a mutual seperation then you won't feel as hurt or miss too much. everyone takes it different.


----------



## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

My first week I think I was fueled with more anger borderline hate, for her leaving a 24 yr relationship. sadly I was somewhat relieved she was gone at the time. Week 2 began the soul searching lots of thinking, reading relative books, this board and my perspective really changed. Learned alot about what really happened over time to get us to this point. It will likely hit you sooner or later but remember to make decisions that make you feel right..


----------



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I didn't get separated...I was informed we were going to get divorced....no in-between time, no "lets talk about this or work this out" it sux....but we are all learning to move onwards...slowly but surely.


----------



## Dolfna (Jun 21, 2013)

Your grieving, I forget where I read it. I too am on the extremely new side of separated. Fine at times a mess at others. It hurts he is ok.

I wouldn't worry about normal, cause you have never been thru this so it is how your normal is. I couldn't believe I broke down hearing someone else tell there spouse they loved them

I am also not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. My thoughts are with you


----------



## OnlyTime (Jun 22, 2013)

At least you had a 'mutual' agreement on a temp separation. Nothing worse than someone just walking out because they are set in their frame of mind while the other is left in an untapped mental zone. I read that separations very rarely lead to reconciliation, but you could be the very rare. As they say, it isn't over till it is officially over.


----------



## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

There is no "normal". You may never be upset or there will be different emotions or stages that you will go through. One minute I'm relieved, the next pissed off and then a hot mess. I hope that things stay amicable between you. It sounds like something you both want which is good.


----------



## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

My ex is still living under my roof. I supported her for four years, and finally asked her to go back to work to help us have a better life with vacations, etc like we always planned. Her response was to move 1700 miles away and see other people. That is her plan anyway. She hasn't left yet but has secured a job. She will be leaving within the next 2-6 weeks depending on whether or not she decides to spend part of the summer with a friend out of state.

I spent part of yesterday and part of today with her and I didn't fall apart, to be honest, I was able to see her with more clarity and less of the "relationship fog" I have been in recently, and I am horrified by her selfishness, her meanness and her total lack of regard for anyone or anything but herself. For example, we were together 10 years and for 6 of those years, my 2 cats were still living (they were old as dirt by then). She told me yesterday that during those years she was "waiting for the cats to die". Her reason: she didn't want to have to take allergy medication, and she was jealous of the time, attention and love I devoted to them. How could I have loved someone this monstrous? And how could I have been so blind to her cruelty??? Even with this I am going through the stages, I've cried today a couple of times. It's getting easier though. It's hard to un-love someone that you've devoted yourself to for so long.


----------

