# New to site



## Captaintender

Hey there everyone. So little about myself. 41yr old father of 4 (19,16,12,&3) I’ve been with my wife for 21years and we’ve been married for 19 of them. I’m a firefighter and my wife is a middle school PE teacher and varsity cheer coach. Recently I began to suspect that there is something going on between my wife and one of her co-workers and I’m not sure what I should do. After researching everything I can about affairs and infidelity I stumbled across this site and after reading through some of the forum items I think I have come to the correct place for guidance on my situation. I love my wife and children with all of my heart and I’m extremely concerned with how I need to handle my situation that will be both good for my wife and I but more importantly our family. Looking forward to gaining whatever tools and advice I can get from everyone on this site. Thanks in advance


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## jonty30

Our pleasure.


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## manwithnoname

Captaintender said:


> Hey there everyone. So little about myself. 41yr old father of 4 (19,16,12,&3) I’ve been with my wife for 21years and we’ve been married for 19 of them. I’m a firefighter and my wife is a middle school PE teacher and varsity cheer coach. Recently I began to suspect that there is something going on between my wife and one of her co-workers and I’m not sure what I should do. After researching everything I can about affairs and infidelity I stumbled across this site and after reading through some of the forum items I think I have come to the correct place for guidance on my situation. I love my wife and children with all of my heart and I’m extremely concerned with how I need to handle my situation that will be both good for my wife and I but more importantly our family. Looking forward to gaining whatever tools and advice I can get from everyone on this site. Thanks in advance


If you've done some reading here, you already have some ideas on how to handle it. Before you do anything, provide more specific details and you will get great advice.


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## Diana7

What has made you suspect?


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## jonty30

Diana7 said:


> What has made you suspect?


I personally don't get affairs with somebody who has no vested interest in you and does not care whether they leave permanent damage, physically, emotionally or relationshipwise, to you. I could understand the possibility if there was a belief that the other person wanted to spend the rest of their life with you.


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## Captaintender

So to respond to everyone so far I just typed up a huge dissertation as to my suspicions and what I have done thus far in a thread under the dealing with infidelity forum. I apologize for the length of it because it is quite long but I wanted to get as much of the information out there for everyone to eliminate having to repeat it multiple times.


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## Captaintender

Diana7 said:


> What has made you suspect?


Texting and deleting of the messages and then the secrecy and protection of her phone


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## jonty30

Captaintender said:


> Texting and deleting of the messages and then the secrecy and protection of her phone


I can't blame you for your suspicions. There is only one reason for hiding texts, when she has dropped evidence in wanting to have an affair.


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## D0nnivain

I'd start by asking "casual" questions. If it's possible can you pop up at school to say hi or something?


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## jonty30

D0nnivain said:


> I'd start by asking "casual" questions. If it's possible can you pop up at school to say hi or something?


I wouldn't bother asking. If I knew their schedules, I'd try and show up. They'd likely be doing hanky panky in his office, since most coaches don't share offices.


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