# I need urgent Advice and help please



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Met my wife back in 2014. I moved to the south coast to be with her and we married in 2017. I’ve had a few issues personally like wasting lots of money on cocaine. I kept it hidden from her. She kept wondering where my money was going and I made up garbage to cover my issues. Always been a ladies man but promised to never cheat on my wife and to this day I haven’t even thou she doubts this but I can’t prove to her i haven’t, just afew texts is all.

In feb 2018 we had our 2nd honeymoon in Melbourne to watch the F1 and visit family. I changed jobs whilst there and came back to the UK and started my new job. They unexpectedly fired me on day 4 out of nowhere saying it won’t work long term see you later. Well this is where things really started to change at home. I managed to secure other work but the money was vanishing still and this was causing me to lose yet another job as I was having days off sick to recover.

My wife’s money was running low as she was paying most if not all the bills and we couldn’t afford to stay in the nice home we rented. We had both decided to move to Australia as it was always my dream and my wife loved Australia so much now also.

We moved into her dads until we emigrated. I thought we moved there to save money to move, she now tells me we had to move there cos she couldn’t afford to live and pay bills anymore cos I never had any money. I managed to secure work in Brisbane and we moved in September 2019. But things were strained in our marriage due to being at father In laws and the money issues.

I organised a leaving party locally at a nice venue 2 days before we left. Problem is I invited a couple of mates that my wife had never met before.

I kicked off at a doorman outside a club later in the evening and my wife and I got separated. Stayed in touch by texts but it got so late I went home about 2/3am and my wife rolled in at like 630.

instantly I queried what had happened and was fed some bull **** that didn’t ring true to me. I had my doubts. On the 2nd leg of our flight I woke up and saw my wife sending a picture of herself to somebody, I asked who she said it was to her friends. I was thinking thats not true. Afew days into arriving I suspected the worst and tried to find out.

over the following weeks my wife became depressed and without telling me flew back to England whilst I was at work. This broke me and I started drinking heavily every night.

She came back afew weeks later and I found out the truth. She and 1 of my friends went to a hotel. They both denied it. He threatened me that if I come back to England I’m getting smashed up, had his mates message me abuse about how ugly my wife is and birds in Australia are better and much more went on. I got the truth off her phone and from her later in the year, I texted her friends from her phone telling them that she had cheated on me, they all said it was a lie and that my wife isn’t like that and I must have my wife’s phone!!!! Now none of them speak to me.

I admitted to my wife I was taking drugs regularly and that’s where the money was going. She seemed t accept my honesty well and I even told my mum which wasn’t easy. Things then progressed well In Australia, we bought a lovely dog.

Sadly we have had to return to the uk very recently and our dream is over.

had to move back into father in laws as we’ve little money right now and waiting for our container to arrive with all our belongings. Then a month ago she gives me a letter filing for divorce. I was obviously upset. I didn’t know things had got so bad and questioned if she had actually wanted to get married and why she did if this is how she behaves and that marriage vows mean nothing to her.

we have to live together still and although some things have been awkward with coming back we’re actually getting on ok. She has text my ex friend since returning and I don’t understand the fascination with the prick.

she says she is willing to try and work things out some days others she is distant and I don’t hear from her.

I found she has taken a mixture of tablets on afew occasions and haven’t been able to tell anybody except my doctor. She says she doesn’t love me and doesn’t believe I can change. But I’m actually doing those changes. I promised to never drink spirits again and that I will always be honest about things, we have regular sex still and cuddle in bed most nights.
But this is affecting me so much.

What really hurts is that I’ve been with so many women in my life and not a single 1 has ever cheated or let me down, yet the 1 I married and truly love has done

where do I go and what do I do

I don’t fell wanted and miss my wife so much. I know I took her for granted, left her feeling lonely and like I didn’t want her but I know I do. I love her from the bottom of my heart and simply want to prove that I can be the man I should’ve been and that I won’t ever make her feel awful and let her down again. I sort of blame myself for her cheating thru my previous behaviour and we had enormous pressure moving to the other side of the world and then back again.

I truly love her and I think she does love me deep down but hides her feelings for self preservation and not wanting to be let down by me again.

I never doubted or thought she would let me down and be possible of cheating because she genuinely loved and adored me. Everybody could see and knew it. I’m so lost and confused about everything. Pls give some advice


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that you have dated a lot of women not one of the has cheated on you. How long were you with each of these women? How much of their money did you use so you could blow your own money on drugs?


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> You say that you have dated a lot of women not one of the has cheated on you. How long were you with each of these women? How much of their money did you use so you could blow your own money on drugs?


Some for many years, 2 In particular I had children with


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you blow money on drugs when you were with those women and basically make it so that they had to pay the bills?


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Did you blow money on drugs when you were with those women and basically make it so that they had to pay the bills?


No I wasn’t into it back then. It happened much later in life


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> No I wasn’t into it back then. It happened much later in life


How old are you and your wife?

So you put your wife through something very bad that you did not put the other women through. What did you expect her to do, continue to let herself be used and mistreated? I don't mean to be rude here, but she most likely thinks there is no way she can ever trust you.

It sounds like your wife had an exit affair. People often do that on their way out of a marriage.

The best thing you could do right now is to work on yourself. Never touch any illegal drugs again. Take financial responsibly for yourself. Words and promises mean nothing. The only way you can prove to your wife that you have changed is for you to actually change and demonstrate it via your behavior. You need to do this for yourself first.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> How old are you and your wife?
> 
> So you put your wife through something very bad that you did not put the other women through. What did you expect her to do, continue to let herself be used and mistreated? I don't mean to be rude here, but she most likely thinks there is no way she can ever trust you.
> 
> ...


I’m 45 she is 42 
We had it all and an amazing life together but she has thrown it away by this fascination with my ex friend who will pay for what he has done and then lying and threatening me


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> I’m 45 she is 42
> We had it all and an amazing life together but she has thrown it away by this fascination with my ex friend who will pay for what he has done and then lying and threatening me


To be honest from what you have written your life together sounds a mess. In large part due to your illegal drug taking and the large amount of money you spent on them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> I’m 45 she is 42
> We had it all and an amazing life together but she has thrown it away by this fascination with my ex friend who will pay for what he has done and then lying and threatening me


How will your ex friend pay?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Once you got hooked on cocaine, surely you knew your life would spiral out of control.
No woman is going to stay with an addict.
Sorry, but you need to get cleaned up and move on. Your wife wants a divorce And you really can’t blame her, although the cheating.... that’s all on her. Once a woman cheats on you, might as well hang it up. Her feelings are gone.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Once you got hooked on cocaine, surely you knew your life would spiral out of control.
> No woman is going to stay with an addict.
> Sorry, but you need to get cleaned up and move on. Your wife wants a divorce And you really can’t blame her, although the cheating.... that’s all on her. Once a woman cheats on you, might as well hang it up. Her feelings are gone.


What and they won’t return? So am I just wasting my time trying?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> What and they won’t return? So am I just wasting my time trying?


Some relationships do recover after an affair. But it takes time and you have some serious changes that you have to make in yourself. You have to give her a reason to stay. Get the book Surviving an Affair Do what the book says to do.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> Once you got hooked on cocaine, surely you knew your life would spiral out of control.
> No woman is going to stay with an addict.


I don’t think drug addicts think that far ahead. Just like a high school kid doesn’t think “If I continue to get bad grades because I don’t study I probably won’t get a good job and I’ll have a marginal life.” They simply don’t go there it’s all about “right now”.

Some women stay with addicts. But they’re not the type you’d bring home to mom.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> I’m 45 she is 42
> *We had it all and an amazing life together but she has thrown it away* by this fascination with my ex friend who will pay for what he has done and then lying and threatening me


I can't believe you are seeing what happened in your relationship this way...you say you want to be the man you are supposed to be for her, but you haven't even begun to accept responsibility for the pain and chaos that YOU created for both of you.

From what you've written, you still have ALOT of work to do on yourself before you will be capable of being a good partner to her or anyone else.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> I can't believe you are seeing what happened in your relationship this way...you say you want to be the man you are supposed to be for her, but you haven't even begun to accept responsibility for the pain and chaos that YOU created for both of you.
> 
> From what you've written, you still have ALOT of work to do on yourself before you will be capable of being a good partner to her or anyone else.


I’m making great progress since I’ve returned to England. My issues now are that I find it hard to trust her now we’re back where the cheating took place and I worry every time her phone goes off and when she is out: I’ve never been paranoid or thought negative of her and what she might be doing before. I had total trust in her. I have accepted responsibility for my actions, admitting to my mum and my wife was the start of that. I’m seeing a counsellor on my own and having regular sessions to help me which I hope will then help our relationship 
I’ve never cheated on her and I still can’t believe she did and then carried on texting the prick for months
And then has text the scumbag since she returned


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

LisaDiane said:


> I can't believe you are seeing what happened in your relationship this way...you say you want to be the man you are supposed to be for her, but you haven't even begun to accept responsibility for the pain and chaos that YOU created for both of you.
> 
> From what you've written, you still have ALOT of work to do on yourself before you will be capable of being a good partner to her or anyone else.


Girl…EVERYTHING is amazing when you’re on coke. lol 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Girl…EVERYTHING is amazing when you’re on coke. lol
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Not the next day and the lack of money and trying to hide things


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TBY1 said:


> I’m making great progress since I’ve returned to England. My issues now are that I find it hard to trust her now we’re back where the cheating took place and I worry every time her phone goes off and when she is out: I’ve never been paranoid or thought negative of her and what she might be doing before. I had total trust in her. I have accepted responsibility for my actions, admitting to my mum and my wife was the start of that. I’m seeing a counsellor on my own and having regular sessions to help me which I hope will then help our relationship
> I’ve never cheated on her and I still can’t believe she did and then carried on texting the prick for months
> And then has text the scumbag since she returned


Surely you realize that you really can’t fully “be responsible for your actions” and that is nothing but words to an extent. Have you gone back in time and redone the things you did that were wrong? No. So all the hurt and unfairness you’ve done still happened, and you’ve not changed it. Have you repaid, or considered repaying, your wife for all the joint funds that you wasted on cocaine? Have you taken her on all the dates and trips that you never took with her because you were high and didn’t feel like it? If course not, so really when you say you “take responsibility”. Meh, you haven’t and I realize you CAN’T. So it’s easy to say “I take responsibility” since it doesn’t really cost you jack to say it.

you say you don’t trust her... Do you think she has ANY trust in an addict? You realize you’ll always be one, hopefully you’re no longer using? So she knows there’s a chance you might start back again, just as you know she might start cheating again....

My point is not to bash you. You can’t change the past, but she can’t either. You need yo sit her down and really talk to one another and determine if you can ever trust her again. Determine if she still loves you (nobody wants to tell their spouse face to face they don’t live them until they’re completely dine with zero chance for reconciling). If she doesn’t, I would let her go. Once a woman stood loving you, I personally believe there is zero chance of that love returning. 

Your life isn’t over if she doesn’t want to reconcile and doesn’t love you anymore.

I would say you have a far greater chance of having a loving relationship with someone new than you would with your wife. There is just too much in your past as a couple to overcome, and since she filed for divorce, I’d say she is done.

It’s ok to move on. Lots of relationships end without nearly the problems you two have had. 
Its hurtful, but you probably know better than anyone if you were addicted to cocaine and stopped, that there’s often a lot of pain associated with healing and having a better life.

good luck.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Surely you realize that you really can’t fully “be responsible for your actions” and that is nothing but words to an extent. Have you gone back in time and redone the things you did that were wrong? No. So all the hurt and unfairness you’ve done still happened, and you’ve not changed it. Have you repaid, or considered repaying, your wife for all the joint funds that you wasted on cocaine? Have you taken her on all the dates and trips that you never took with her because you were high and didn’t feel like it? If course not, so really when you say you “take responsibility”. Meh, you haven’t and I realize you CAN’T. So it’s easy to say “I take responsibility” since it doesn’t really cost you jack to say it.
> 
> you say you don’t trust her... Do you think she has ANY trust in an addict? You realize you’ll always be one, hopefully you’re no longer using? So she knows there’s a chance you might start back again, just as you know she might start cheating again....
> 
> ...


Great reply. I’ve promised to pay her debts regardless of us being together or not. I feel that’s the least I can do. She paid about £6000 for me. 
last week she said she loved me as she was leaving and I said really and she replied a little. We’re getting on well and Infact we bought a new Mercedes for us last month and for her to get to work
We’ve decided to at least get a home together and help each other get back to some form of normality and even if we do split up we will live separately in the same home. On our own we won’t be able to get a home but together we can. Our dream was Australia and we’ve come back with very little money, far less than we went there with


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Based on that response, I tho k there’s a chance here. I think if she can forgive you for your massive errors, you should give her a chance at the same. Honestly, based in what you have done, I’d say she really has some strong feelings for you or you’d be out of her life. Be patient. This is going to take a long time of good behavior to heal from. Years.
I think you paying her back as you are doing is a really good step.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Based on that response, I tho k there’s a chance here. I think if she can forgive you for your massive errors, you should give her a chance at the same. Honestly, based in what you have done, I’d say she really has some strong feelings for you or you’d be out of her life. Be patient. This is going to take a long time of good behavior to heal from. Years.
> I think you paying her back as you are doing is a really good step.


Recently she has phoned me on her lunch and when I get home from work she asks how my day or evening was. I’ve taken on a 2nd job also 3 evenings a week to try and get as much money incoming as I can 
I don’t want to lose her, marrying her made me happier than I could ever imagine. She is gorgeous to me and I want to make the wrongs right, just miss her fussing over me like she used to, I knew she loved me and would do anything for me 
I hate the feeling of not being or feeling wanted and that hurts so much


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> I’m making great progress since I’ve returned to England. My issues now are that I find it hard to trust her now we’re back where the cheating took place and I worry every time her phone goes off and when she is out: I’ve never been paranoid or thought negative of her and what she might be doing before. I had total trust in her. I have accepted responsibility for my actions, admitting to my mum and my wife was the start of that. I’m seeing a counsellor on my own and having regular sessions to help me which I hope will then help our relationship
> I’ve never cheated on her and I still can’t believe she did and then carried on texting the prick for months
> And then has text the scumbag since she returned


This is encouraging!

But you need to realize that even though she betrayed you, you also betrayed her in a very devastating way, it's just that your "affair partner" was cocaine. She has all the same fears and mistrust in you that you have in her, for good reason. 

If you are both wanting to save your relationship, are you going to counseling? I think that is VERY important if you want to have the best chance to reconnect and rebuild trust, for BOTH of you.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> just miss her fussing over me like she used to, I knew she loved me and would do anything for me


Amen, brother.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> This is encouraging!
> 
> But you need to realize that even though she betrayed you, you also betrayed her in a very devastating way, it's just that your "affair partner" was cocaine. She has all the same fears and mistrust in you that you have in her, for good reason.
> 
> If you are both wanting to save your relationship, are you going to counseling? I think that is VERY important if you want to have the best chance to reconnect and rebuild trust, for BOTH of you.


I’m already having counselling sessions for my own issues and it’s not to do with my wife. I want to not have negative thoughts and try not to get low moods. If I act and behave better I hope she can see that progress and even if she doesn’t I’m doing that for me. The last few years have been a roller coaster of emotions very high to very very low. I want to be more positive in every aspect


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Sfort said:


> Amen, brother.


Of course you feel that way - we ALL want that. 

But loving and caring for a partner in that way is a GIFT given from a place of trust and care from our hearts, and evidence of the emotional bond we feel. If the receiving partner takes advantage or ignores the generosity of their partner, or worse (in the OP's case), actively harms that trust and that bond, they don't deserve that gift.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> I’m already having counselling sessions for my own issues and it’s not to do with my wife. I want to not have negative thoughts and try not to get low moods. If I act and behave better I hope she can see that progress and even if she doesn’t I’m doing that for me. The last few years have been a roller coaster of emotions very high to very very low. I want to be more positive in every aspect


Have you looked into the book I suggested? The idea is to get you to the place you want to be where you can move beyond this hurt and the two of you can build a better relationship.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Have you looked into the book I suggested? The idea is to get you to the place you want to be where you can move beyond this hurt and the two of you can build a better relationship.


I did look it up. I will purchase it when I have some spare income. Thanks


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> Great reply. I’ve promised to pay her debts regardless of us being together or not. I feel that’s the least I can do. She paid about £6000 for me.
> last week she said she loved me as she was leaving and I said really and she replied a little. We’re getting on well and Infact we bought a new Mercedes for us last month and for her to get to work
> We’ve decided to at least get a home together and help each other get back to some form of normality and even if we do split up we will live separately in the same home. On our own we won’t be able to get a home but together we can. Our dream was Australia and we’ve come back with very little money, far less than we went there with


You have come back with very little money yet you have bought a new Mercedes?????


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> You have come back with very little money yet you have bought a new Mercedes?????


Doesn’t everyone?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sounds like you do some really impulsive spending, and that would worry me. You can't blame your wife for what she did given all that you'd hidden from her. I mean, honestly. Any chance of reconciliation will begin with you forgetting about what she did. One is no worse than the other. The coke, the jobs, and I doubt those two were unconnected. And it sounds like you're trying to live like you're rich (just like a cokehead) when you're not, so she may have actually believed you were well off when, in fact, you were stone broke, so she has every reason to have lost faith in you. You say you're not drinking and, I assume, coking, but everyone knows it's not usually quite that sudden and simple. I do hope you've taken steps to keep yourself from getting into it again.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

This story is making less sense with each post by the Op. He can’t afford to buy a book but he can buy a brand new Mercedes. Yeah ok I can’t wait for the next installment


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> I’m 45 she is 42
> We had it all and an amazing life together but she has thrown it away by this fascination with my ex friend who will pay for what he has done and then lying and threatening me


You did not have it all. And it seems to me it was you who destroyed trust in the marriage first. Financial infidelity is just as serious as sexual infidelity, if not more, as it’s usually more lies over a longer span of time. You both have been acting a mess. You need to resolve your large personal issues, and maybe she will be willing to stay. At the least, you would be a happier/healthier individual and a better partner for someone else down the line.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Skookaroo said:


> At the least, you would be a happier/healthier individual and a better partner for someone else down the line.


I don’t want to be a better partner for anybody else I want to be that man now with my wife and for her to see this


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> This story is making less sense with each post by the Op. He can’t afford to buy a book but he can buy a brand new Mercedes. Yeah ok I can’t wait for the next installment


I never said I can’t afford the book I just need to hold on as I’ve other important items I need my money for just now, Ie my sons school uniforms I’ve promised their mother I will help towards and I need a new tool box for my tools when they arrive in afew weeks as I sold my tool box in Australia, also got storage unit to pay for and next month my 2 sons have birthdays 
We also sold our car in Australia and used that money towards our new car which we paid for together and the remaining finance we had to take out 
Quite simple really


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

It isn't quite simple when you think of the cost of a brand new Mercedes. Why spend that sort of money on a luxury automobile when there are tons of less expensive cars that will get you where you need to go, when you can't afford to buy other important items such as your son's uniform?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Edit: changed mind after reading more. Just too screwed up to even know what good advice here will be.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> And then has text the scumbag since she returned


Well this is the way you need to look at it....she's a scumbag too. Do yourself a favor. Get your life in order. Seek help if you are still doing drugs, and for god's sake....get rid of the ditch pig cheater.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

I’m so lost just now.
She says tonight she doesn’t love me since Christmas when my drinking become excessive due to pressure on me to get PR and my nan passing away. Not I’m using that as an excuse at all but I found it difficult and with what happened in my marriage when we left I was a mess. But I’ve come back and I won’t be drinking like that again. And I’ve kept my word. Im on a knife edge thou as she says she doubts me and I won’t keep it up so she backs off and doesn’t now want sex, but she is quite happy to ask me for a cuddle in bed every night and of course I can’t refuse


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

TBY1 said:


> my drinking become excessive due to pressure on me to get PR and my nan passing away. Not I’m using that as an excuse


That's the classic definition of an excuse, you probably said the same thing to her. Why say it if it isn't to try to justify the behavior that precedes it? You aren't the least bit accountable for your actions and continued bad decisions so there's a poor likelihood that you're ever going to change them. Not everybody drinks excessively when they face common life stressors, although that's how you cope. If it's not alcohol it's heavy drugs.

She doesn't want meaningless excuses and promises that you'll change, she wants RESULTS and so far you've come up short.

If you're going to fix this it's going to take time and effort and any apparent change has to be present for a while- as in months or longer- to believe it's really there.

Whether she sticks around long enough or whether you're truly capable of giving up the horrendous behaviors and poor decisions remains to be seen. You don't even see anything wrong with buying a brand new Mercedes when you can't afford to buy clothes for your child.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> That's the classic definition of an excuse, you probably said the same thing to her. Why say it if it isn't to try to justify the behavior that precedes it? You aren't the least bit accountable for your actions and continued bad decisions so there's a poor likelihood that you're ever going to change them. Not everybody drinks excessively when they face common life stressors, although that's how you cope. If it's not alcohol it's heavy drugs.
> 
> She doesn't want meaningless excuses and promises that you'll change, she wants RESULTS and so far you've come up short.
> 
> ...


We bought the car not I, I walk to work she has to drive to work


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

TBY1 said:


> We bought the car not I.


You both make poor decisions. Perhaps she'd respect you more if you said "Let's get a less expensive vehicle so I can get my son the clothes he needs".


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> That's the classic definition of an excuse, you probably said the same thing to her. Why say it if it isn't to try to justify the behavior that precedes it? You aren't the least bit accountable for your actions and continued bad decisions so there's a poor likelihood that you're ever going to change them. Not everybody drinks excessively when they face common life stressors, although that's how you cope. If it's not alcohol it's heavy drugs.
> 
> She doesn't want meaningless excuses and promises that you'll change, she wants RESULTS and so far you've come up short.
> 
> ...


I was simply explaining this evening on here why she started having doubts and backing off due to my drinking. I nearly died on Christmas Day morning on the Gold Coast when I went surfing after drinking a couple of bottles of JD during the previous night and early hours. I’m not proud of this at all. I only brought it up to highlight what she mentioned earlier


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> You both make poor decisions. Perhaps she'd respect you more if you said "Let's get a less expensive vehicle so I can get my son the clothes he needs".


The vehicle allows me to visit my children when their mum allows it now I’m back in the uk. It has no issue at all on my children from my previous partner as I have always kept up payments and help whenever needed


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

TBY1 said:


> The vehicle allows me to visit my children when their mum allows it now I’m back in the uk. It has no issue at all on my children from my previous partner as I have always kept up payments and help whenever needed


Yes vehicles allow the occupants to go from place to place, that's fairly common knowledge. A used Chevy Malibu will do the same thing at a fraction of the cost of a brand new Mercedes. Responsible people who don't have much money who can't afford self help books and clothing for their children will buy a Chevy Malibu (or equivalent) not a top of the line luxury automobile. It's rather incredible that an internet stranger has to explain to you that your patterns of spending on luxury items when you can't afford the basics is reckless and irresponsible- and it's even more concerning that you continue to defend, validate and justify it.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> Yes vehicles allow the occupants to go from place to place, that's fairly common knowledge. A used Chevy Malibu will do the same thing at a fraction of the cost of a brand new Mercedes. Responsible people who don't have much money who can't afford self help books and clothing for their children will buy a Chevy Malibu (or equivalent) not a top of the line luxury automobile. It's rather incredible that an internet stranger has to explain to you that your patterns of spending on luxury items when you can't afford the basics is reckless and irresponsible- and it's even more concerning that you continue to defend, validate and justify it.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

This isn’t about a car please I’m trying to get help and guidance on making life better and getting my wife’s affections back.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

TBY1 said:


> This isn’t about a car please I’m trying to get help and guidance on making life better and getting my wife’s affections back.


Agreed its not about a car, the car is only a symptom of greater problems that you fail to acknowledge.


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> This isn’t about a car please I’m trying to get help and guidance on making life better and getting my wife’s affections back.


You gotta stop focusing on the wife’s affections and start focusing on being a healthy, functioning adult because it is clear that you have a pattern of making very poor choices. Focus on being a contributing, honest, thoughtful, respectable man and her affections just might come back. 

As a woman who has an addict ex similar to you, I can tell you, it’s not pleasant for someone to live and die for my affection. I wanted a man who acted like a man because that’s what HE wanted for himself. Not someone who would lie to me to get affection and constantly disappoint me with poor decisions because he was so wounded by my lack of affection.

You live in a topsy turvy world where any bad thing that happens to you causes you to be reckless. Take accountability for your actions and make a commitment to change. I think you need a therapist’s guiding hand.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> This isn’t about a car please I’m trying to get help and guidance on making life better and getting my wife’s affections back.


The way I see it, there is NO WAY your life is going to be better with her in it. She cannot be trusted, you'll always be looking over your shoulder, figuratively speaking, and you will have those mind movies of what she did to drive you crazy.

You want to make life better, first, get some help on the drugs/alcohol thing. Check yourself in somewhere if possible.

Once you are out, take the steps to eradicate this woman from your life. Once you do that you can focus on a healthy relationship, if that's what you want (it wasn't for me though). Make sure you take great care in vetting your next love interest so that you can be fairly positive she isn't like your current wife.

If you choose to stay with her, I wish you god speed. But speaking from experience, no good, IMO, will come from staying with this wretched woman.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> I did look it up. I will purchase it when I have some spare income. Thanks


Wait a sec, you can afford a Mercedes car, but you need to wait for some spare income to afford a book? That makes no sense.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Ursula said:


> Wait a sec, you can afford a Mercedes car, but you need to wait for some spare income to afford a book? That makes no sense.


Read  


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