# How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy Step



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy Step*

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-ruin-your-marriage-encourage-infidelity.html

The above thread involved a discussion of respect in a marriage, notably the respect a wife should have for her husband. Well, the author Matt Walsh has come up with an equivalent article, instead focusing on the husband destroying the W. I imagine this may lead to a more "heated" discussion here since the topic is porn... 



> I wrote an article last week about a husband’s great need, and right, to be respected by his wife. The article went fairly viral, so I was inundated with hundreds of emails in response to it. To my surprise, and for a refreshing change of pace, most of them were not angry or vulgar. But one theme seemed to emerge from many of the messages I received: a lot women have trouble respecting their husbands because their husbands spend so much time watching porn.
> 
> I maintain, porn or no porn, that husbands should still be treated with respect in their homes. But that does not justify porn, nor does it mitigate the impact it has on a marriage. A man who laughs at the very idea that he may be hurting his wife by watching porn only proves the point. He has become so intensely self-involved that his wife's needs are a joke to him. Even when she tells him that she is hurt by it, still, he blows her off and returns to the naked people on the screen. In this way, porn is even more insidious than a traditional, in-person affair, because it not only robs the wife of the fidelity and honor she is owed, but it even robs her of the right to feel angry and forsaken by her husband's infidelity.
> 
> ...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

Wow, what a great article, and spot on. I could never respect a man who treated me that way. Also interesting that he says what a lady said to me, that to her it was far worse than if he had had an affair with one woman, then there was only one woman involved, not hundreds.
I have no idea why any men would want to treat his wife this way. Its damaging for her and the marriage and also for him. its also seeing women as merely objects for his own selfish lusts.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

Yeah but lots of guys don't care if their wives watch porn and lots of wives don't care if their husbands watch porn. Lots of couples watch it together. I think this is really a case by case basis. I also don't think the act of sex is the same as watching porn. Just don't. One is a totally intimate act with another person, porn by it's very nature is a solitary act. Even when two people watch it together they are in their own head. I get though for some women it feels like a betrayal and could absolutely destroy SOME women's self worth. I wouldn't call it cheating myself. 

Now this is not an argument for whether porn is a good or a bad thing in general, just for the premise of the article. I am also not saying it can't be bad for marriage, it give people unrealistic expectations and scientific studies show it causes problems with peoples sexuality as it ups the level of dopamine and stuff. It changes sexuality and sexual gratification into more of a drug. He would have a much more effective argument using those points.

What are they going to do with the sex bots and virtual reality porn who are not even real? Is it still cheating and adultery then when it's not even a real person? What is the difference with that and daydreaming in your mind? The world is changing that's for sure.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

I have talked to many women who were desperately upset by their husband's porn use. Yes a small number may be ok with it, or put up with it, but in my experience that isnt the norm. Its deeply damaging to her and the marriage, and they know its cheating.

For a man who looks at porn and doesn't want to stop, he will not admit to himself the damage he is doing and will try and justify it. 
He cant or wont try and see it from a wife's point of view.
I think the article is excellent, its written by a man who just gets it. He is able to see it from her side and incidently men like my husband would be very unhappy if their wives watched it as well. Its just as much cheating for her.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

I think there are several issues/points that get lumped in here. First, porn can be addictive. However, that doesn't mean someone who watches porn is addicted to it and cannot watch responsibly. Also, I think the author basically takes the stance that porn is evil/immoral, which for him is fine but doesn't mean the next person/couple views it the same. The fact that the author basically equates watching porn to actually going out and having a physical affair shows his convictions regarding. Where do you draw the line? Is masturbating solo frowned up unless you can guarantee that during the entire time only thoughts of your W enter your head (likewise if the W uses the Turbo Charged Diesel Generated Hitachi Super Magic Wand 47000, when/is it acceptable)?

I think the main issue, when your W doesn't want you to watch porn but you continue to do it anyhow, against her wishes. Going back to the other thread, you could argue that it is extremely disrespectful, hurtful, etc.... Where I think you hit more of a gray area, what if your W does not want you to watch porn, but she also frequently withholds sex or rejects you (she basically wants to have complete control over you sexually)?

For some, porn may be the actual problem in a relationship, but I would guess for many others porn is simply a symptom of larger issues.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

The destruction of marriage, of men and women.

Done so by little pixels, naked pixies on a screen.

The Age of Aquarius, the Age of The Electronic Storm.

Sweeping away tradition, sweeping away norms.

Incrementally, an electron, an elective at a time.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

We are Electro-Chemical beings.

And seemingly, poised to be re-programmed by ourselves...
But rather, by our Universe.

For the better or for the worse. Your' call, Mine, too.

Change is painful.
Never easy, never smooth in transition.
And 'Forever' is never promised to anything.
Anything at all.

The computer screen in your home, in your hand is your' now, new master.
A master with a plan, yet unrevealed, certainly feared, certainly fearsome.

Think carefully this...
We think we have free will, are our own Destineers..

Think again.
We are ever pawns, a speck of sand on a speck of rock in a Universe as large and broad as unending time allows.

You worry about your existence, your survival.
Worry is change unfolding.
Unfolding you and your thoughts.

And mine too.

SunCMars-


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

Sigh.

I was hoping for a counterpart to the other thread.

This will be a porn thread, which is important, but I was very interested in discussing ways men destroy their marriages by treating their wives in certain ways.

I see a lot of men missing it when it comes to making their women feel secure and cherished.

I will say that I have witnessed porn destroying marriages, relationships and sexuality in individuals not to mention what it does to the prostitutes involved in the production.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*



ConanHub said:


> Sigh.
> 
> I was hoping for a counterpart to the other thread.
> 
> ...


Agreed, I think porn is just an easy topic. Porn is also very easy to scapegoat as the problem/cause,when in many cases it is just a symptom.

I tried to look at the article above from a little different angle. It isn't porn per se, but the Husband's defiance of the W's request to not watch (and to dismiss her). I think this does tie back into the other thread though, as it shows a lack of respect towards the W in this case.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

I find it really interesting the way the two sexes are described as needing very different things, and being "destroyed" by different things. But, are the things that cause the harm really different? Isn't ignoring the fact that you're hurting your spouse, in favor of pursing something that you enjoy, a sign of disrespect? Do you dismiss the feelings of someone you respect? Do you call someone you actually respect "crazy" for being hurt, wanting time and attention from their partner, or feeling neglected when they are being neglected? Is it respectful to blow off spending time with someone you committed to spend time with? Is it respectful to ignore the opinions, feelings, needs, and hurt of someone you profess to love? 

I don't care if the issue is porn, alcohol or another addiction, or if he's just making it apparent that he'd rather do other stuff than spend time with his wife. If a man is blowing off his wife and her hurt, then he's not respecting her or their marriage. The core issue is respect, whether we're talking about men or women.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*



ConanHub said:


> Sigh.
> 
> I was hoping for a counterpart to the other thread.
> 
> ...


Some will say they are not all prostitutes.

While sometimes true, sometimes inexact, I say true, though it is a misnomer.

Some do it for money...
Some do it for lust...
Some do it for their husbands pleasure.
Some do it for their husbands pleasure, openly or secretly their own pleasure, in addition, sometimes not.

A price is paid for the act, the performance.
Pleasurable and profitable for someone and that someone is a variable equation.

Yes, it is a harbinger of change.
Damaging in the long term.

When porn becomes the norm, the old norm is not dying, is dead.

Intimate water is not poisonous in itself.
But taken in, in copious quantity can drown the imbiber.
Dilute his morals, wash away his resolve.

Sodom and Gomorrah revisited.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*



ConanHub said:


> Sigh.
> 
> I was hoping for a counterpart to the other thread.
> 
> ...


I too know of marriages that were destroyed by porn. I just don't have it in me to act that way towards my husband. I don't get how so many do.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*

I do not think it is the same league as having sex with someone but there are points on both sides of the coin that could go either way depending on the circumstances. I personally have never been a big porn user as always preferred the real thing and would rather have sex/contact with my significant other that masturbate alone, I do have friends however who will go weeks without sleeping with there wives and use porn and masturbate instead which is a huge problem!!! 

When I used porn I never personally envisioned myself in the movie with the actress i generally just got excited by the content and imagined myself with a girl i knew(Usually significant other) not sure if that is how most guys are but its how I have always been. 

If it is something you both enjoy together then there is no disrespect but if one party is uncomfortable then it is something which should be worked on together to make everyone happy,.

When I was married i used to Masturbate twice a day(made me resentful) and if i had sex it was a bonus on top, currently i get so much sex i do not have the energy or the desire to watch porn or masturbate(just wanted to brag)


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*



EllisRedding said:


> Agreed, I think porn is just an easy topic. Porn is also very easy to scapegoat as the problem/cause,when in many cases it is just a symptom.
> 
> I tried to look at the article above from a little different angle. It isn't porn per se, but the Husband's defiance of the W's request to not watch (and to dismiss her). I think this does tie back into the other thread though, as it shows a lack of respect towards the W in this case.


This is true. If you marry someone who has issues with porn then downplay their feelings on it that’s just wrong. Me personally I wouldn’t marry a woman like that ever. I never had a partner who cared about porn, more than 1/2 like it themselves

I think the greater problem is one you see often on TAM with many subjects. I am going to marry my partner even though I know they have a problem with “xyz” and instead ignore the issue and hope things get better down the road. Sad people think this way


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Sigh.
> 
> I was hoping for a counterpart to the other thread.
> 
> ...


Well, I have some input on both at the same time.

My EX husband came out and admitted to me that porn had enabled him to continue to refuse to address the marriage problems (and subsequent lack of sex). He had porn to rely on- he was a huge daily user- and with that crutch, it wasn't imperitive that he work on fixing and having a good relationship with me that included a fulfilling sex life. Because he had porn. So yeah, he treated me a certain way. A way that I didn't matter all that much--and it also showed me how much porn can be a well received replacement for a sex life with a partner. And if it can be that much of a replacement and crutch, then it really IS more than just a "quick release looking at a screen that doesn't mean anything".

I do think that there is a difference between occasional use in the midst of a healthy and happy mutual sex life with your partner, and use that interferes with your relationship with your partner.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*



Diana7 said:


> I too know of marriages that were destroyed by porn. I just don't have it in me to act that way towards my husband. I don't get how so many do.


It is none of my business, no it is not.

But....

Do you:
Watch Soap Operas on the Telly?
Read romance novels, salacious stories on the web?
Watch reality shows such as Springer, Maury, or Kyle, or Shahs of Sunset, Housewives from LA, Atlanta, New Jersey, New York?

Do you view TAM?
This is soft porn. Harmless, informative, right?
Salacious, Yes, Madam...:laugh: :grin2:

Fear not, your secret is safe with me. 

If you lighten up a little, just a bit...
We can all breath easier, especially Lilith and SunCMars.


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## Aaronk78 (Jan 30, 2018)

In the same way as the How to Betray Husband, article... this points to a symptom and holds it up as the cause. I am sure there probably are guys out there who have porn addictions that hurt their sweet loving wives... just as there are guys whose eating habits... drinking habits... gaming habits... who do the same. I think anti-porn people are too quick to jump on the "its detrimental" bandwagon... just because its used as a replacement for normal sexual relations sometimes doesnt mean that its the cause, it may as another poster pointed out only be delaying the inevitable as men are given a release which allows them to ignore issues in their marriage which there may be no cure for.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

*Re: How To Betray Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, & Implode Your Marriage In One Easy S*



EllisRedding said:


> ......Where I think you hit more of a gray area, what if your W does not want you to watch porn, but she also frequently withholds sex or rejects you (she basically wants to have complete control over you sexually)?
> 
> For some, porn may be the actual problem in a relationship, but I would guess for many others porn is simply a symptom of larger issues.


:iagree:

Alternately some (not all) women have a lower sex drive than their H. In my experience, some are upset when their H needs more than they can comfortably give and that makes them feel like a failure, which leads to resentment toward both H's masturbation and Porn.

As you said the key is to address the root-cause problem, not the Porn symptom.


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