# Question about guys saying "I love you"



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?

Please be honest!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I have known friends who throw the I love you around like its nothing just to get some tang!

I myself do not use those word without feeling love.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


Are you inferring sex? Like saying I love you just to get you to sleep with me? I haven't ever done that. When I say it I mean it and it takes me awhile to get there. With my GF it took me 3 months to say it...she said it first but we were on the same page. We were having sex long before that.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I have known friends who throw the I love you around like its nothing just to get some tang!
> 
> I myself do not use those word without feeling love.


And what happened to your friends AFTER they tossed around the words and "got some"?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Are you inferring sex? Like saying I love you just to get you to sleep with me? In haven't ever done that. When I say it I mean it and it takes me awhile to get there. With my GF it took me 3 months to say it...she said it first but we were on the same page. We were having sex long before that.


I'm going to with "yes" and "no" to sex. I would think that sex is a given in that situation. But I'm seeing how far guys actually go to get what they want...to manipulate a situation....like living together way too soon, a place to stay due to no where else to go or not where they want to stay (like at parent's house)....I dunno.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want?


You mean like "I love you! Can I have the rest of your fries?"


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


I said it once just to get a ham sammich...and it worked.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

southern wife said:


> I'm going to with "yes" and "no" to sex. I would think that sex is a given in that situation. But I'm seeing how far guys actually go to get what they want...to manipulate a situation....like living together way too soon, a place to stay due to no where else to go or not where they want to stay (like at parent's house)....I dunno.


Oh...women do the same thing. This isn't a gender thing...it's a people thing, and yes, people are capable of going to great lengths, to manipulate to get what they want.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Fries and a Ham Sammy :lol:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

southern wife said:


> I'm going to with "yes" and "no" to sex. I would think that sex is a given in that situation. But I'm seeing how far guys actually go to get what they want...to manipulate a situation....like living together way too soon, a place to stay due to no where else to go or not where they want to stay (like at parent's house)....I dunno.


Well that is going to be a different as snow flakes lol. I have known plenty of guys who play women to get sex and things, I haven't and wouldn't ever do that. I don't believe in manipulation inside relationships but many just don't feel that way.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> You mean like "I love you! Can I have the rest of your fries?"


Or do you mean like flash a little leg, or cleavage to get that free drink? Oh wait...that only works for women


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I've never done it unless I thought I did. Didnt really care how long we'd been together.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Never said it without being completely honest, and never would. I'm sure some turds would probably try it to get in some girls pants; mostly guys in their 20s. Hopefully not a sizable percentage.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


I've never used it as a weapon. So it mean that's how I feel.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

So in my youth, I never would have said "I love you". And, that would have been both truthful and in no way would I care to have been manipulative to that end. Not that I was innocent, I was a scoundrel but openly admitted and did not care, I would just admit it. 

However age and experience changes a person. My wife knows I love her not just by words but mostly through actions. I think the latter keeps the honey flowing if you know what I mean. Does that sound manipulative?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Can't remember the last time I said it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I love you Wom


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SW, I'm curious to know details ...did a new guy say this to you? Do tell!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I love you Wom



I like you AR. Well your post anyway!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I like you AR. Well your post anyway!



Close enough
I'll take it!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Close enough
> I'll take it!



Get a room you two


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I've never said it unless that is what I really felt at the time.

Remember though that it is possible to truly believe that you love someone when you are just feeling infatuation or even just lust. You aren't lying to them, you are lying to yourself.


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## Lancer (Sep 15, 2014)

I have only said it to my wife. I would never say I love you just to get my way. It is something I have to mean and be sincere about. I realize to others it may not be a big deal.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


Bleh, such words are so distasteful to use as they are, to hell with saying them to someone I don't even have feelings for

But hey tis just me, I prefer a more "teasy" approach


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I've had guys propose marriage to me on the first date. 2 of them, in fact, and both quite persistent about it, although really all they wanted was to get laid. Of course, they were gone, never to return, by the end of the evening

Now that's extreme. As for "I love you", I have to say, I've heard those words slung around so casually, I don't really believe them at all.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WE SAY.

IT MATTERS WHAT WE DO.

Love is defined by ACTION, not words. 

Most men will say ANYTHING to get what they want.....remember that.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

DoF said:


> IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WE SAY.
> 
> IT MATTERS WHAT WE DO.
> 
> ...



And the good ones say it something like this..."Hey southern wife, I'd really like this..." Direct, no hidden meanings, no covert contracts, no passive aggressiveness...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> And the good ones *(which is ver VERY few)* say it something like this..."Hey southern wife, I'd really like this..." Direct, no hidden meanings, no covert contracts, no passive aggressiveness...


Added my note to above......agreed


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

I have told my fiancée several times that I love her. I never made this kind of remark for personal gains, I express my feelings with full honesty. My fiancée is the only woman whom I have loved and she knows this.

My fiancée have been a patient observer. She is not among those who would put their guard down for a single "I love you" in a relationship and she have reacted sarcastically to my romantic remarks on few occasions but I consider these reactions as her way of testing me. As our relationship grew with passage of time, she eventually realized that my feelings for her are 100% genuine. Both of us are in love with each other. 



southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


Count me among those who really feel that way.

However, mature women tend to be patient, observe, and test a man before believing in him. A span of some months can be sufficient to test a mature and genuinely committed guy.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

Ok, to add my $.02 worth...
Told my boyfriend I loved him 1st. I won't lie, I was shaking in my boots. I haven't told a man I loved him since my daughter was a baby, and even then I'm not sure I new what love was. I was really young and Very nieve. Seems like I was the one to do most things 1st in the relationship, but he gladly followed along.  .....and has joined in. Love the fact that he's willing to at least try something new.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> SW, I'm curious to know details ...did a new guy say this to you? Do tell!


What I'm about to say here will change the dynamic of this thread....but here it goes:

I was contacted by a man on FB that I met and knew when I was 7 years old; he was 12. He played little league baseball with my brother and they were good friends at that time. 

Life moves along and they lose touch, so we didn't see him again. Until he contacted me through FB a few weeks after my separation back in May. Initially it was just conversation of getting to know each other, how has life been, what you been up to, where do you live now, etc. He saw my boat pic on FB and asked when I'd take him out of the lake. That kind of thing. I chatted with him, but put him off. Shortly after our initial contact, he went on vacation for a week, but still kept in touch. Meanwhile, I mentioned to my brother that this guy has contacted me, and my brother warned me not to get involved. 

Being the grown woman that I am, I finally met this guy for a beer one day after work to really just catch up on things/life face to face; this was several weeks after he returned from vacation. He contacted me on most days through FB and eventually we exchanged phone numbers.

He admits to being smitten when he first saw me. He was instantly attracted to me. He told me about his life and vice versa over a few beers. After our drinks, he walked me to my car and took me by surprise when he quickly kissed me on the lips. I was not expecting that at all. 

Anyway, at this point in time he was living an hour+ away, but he works 5 minutes from my house. He's been telling me that he's trying to move back to my area since we first started talking. When I asked him about his living situation, he told me that him and his ex-girlfriend broke up some time ago and that he had moved out of her house. He said he was living with a guy named 'Scott', and they were renting a house. Ok sounds good.

Some time went on, and we began to date. I held off sex for several weeks. He told me he didn't want to have sex with me; he wanted to make love to me....I kept holding off. One night, we were at my house, talking and things were heating up with kissing and being close and he told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too, and the rest is history. Since then, he's told me that he loves me every single day. Many times a day and during all phone conversations throughout the work days. He's even called me "love of his life".

Well, dating turned quickly into him being at my house all the time, staying over here and there, until my before my beach vacation trip at the beginning of Sept. He joined my daughter and I at the beach during the latter part of the week, when he had time off. Things were great.

When we returned from the beach, he continued to stay at my house. He has not been back to his house in a month....until... 

Last week he had a dr. appt. down in the area where he "lives". I asked him that night about getting his stuff from that house he'd been "living in" and offered to help him, his response was that "I'm in no hurry". Something in me snapped at that moment. What is going on here? The next morning, while he was in the bathroom, I checked his phone (I know - shame on me!) My gut was screaming at me that something was not right. And it wasn't. When he came out of the bathroom, he could tell something was wrong with me. I came up with some excuse and we went about the day to work. 

With my stomach in knots, I couldn't even sit at work all day. I told my boss my stomach hurt and left. I had the address he "lived" at an hour away, and I drove straight there. No one was there, but I looked through the glass of the front door. His ex-girlfriend has a daughter, and I saw the little girl's pictures on the foyer table. Uggghhh I knew it. While I was at work that morning, I googled her name (I saw it on his phone), and the house indeed belongs to her. His stuff is still at her house. He also has 2 large dogs that was going to find new homes for so he could move, and told me he had found a home for 1 of them, but there they were in the fence in the backyard. Both of them.

I drove back home and took notes of everything I wanted to say to him when he came to my house that evening. I felt awful and used. Used in the fact that now, while at my house, he was so close to work saving him a ton of money in gas. Another part of me says "but he tells you he loves you everyday, helps around the yard, buys groceries, etc." He's been with me for a month, with no going "home".

When he arrived at my house after work, I asked him the questions I had written down. I asked him what his address is. He named off the address to that house I drove to. I asked him who owned it. He said her name. I asked him why he lied about his living arrangement. He said he was afraid I wouldn't date him, and he wanted to just keep it simple until he could move, and then it would "just go away". 

I also noted from his phone, that he had texted a girl named "Rhonda" while he was down there at his dr. appt. She was in the same area code as that city. Rhonda had no last name, unlike most of this other contacts. He only said "hey" to her. She never did respond through text. I searched his FB friends and found no Rhonda in that area. I also noted that this ex-girlfriend was not on his friends list. Checking her FB page I came up empty handed except for the fact that some of his family members is still "friends" with her.

When I asked about Rhonda, he said "she's just a friend. Am I not allowed to have friends?" He was defensive in his tone. I never got any other answers about her.

For the past week, I've been consumed in detective mode. I know where the ex works and I have her office number. I actually tried to call her 2x yesterday just to get some answers. I got her voicemail both times. Is this a good idea? 

As of last night, I pulled the plug on friending him on FB. I can't stand to see when he's on there, thinking the worst: Who is he messaging with? What's he up to? Ugghhhhh All of my worst insecurities from my past has surfaced and I'm hating it.

No I did not kick him out of my house last week like I should have. In a rage of me going through his phone, he packed all his crap and put it in his truck. He came back in the house and I asked him not to leave this way. He sat on my sofa, shut down, but shaking his head once in a while. Eventually he spoke and said he was sorry, hated lying to me, and never wanted to hurt me. Then silence again. Sat there a long time. It got late, and we ended up staying the night together (no sex) in an effort to work through this mess that he's created. At this point, all I really want is his crap out of her house and be done with it. But he's dragging his feet all these months for some reason... :scratchhead: And that has me puzzled. What's the deal with them? I know it's over because he's been with ME non-stop.

He's used my computer a few times, and I actually installed a free keylogger on it a few days ago. But now with my pressing and pushing, I've pushed him away. I might not get any answers. Last night, we got into again, and he packed the last of his clothes and left. His Dad lives just down the road from me and that is where he's been staying since Monday (trust but verify...so I know at least that's the truth). Problem is....I don't trust. 

Whew this is long and sorry for that. I know the answers and what I should do, but I just want the truth out of all this!

ETA: He told me that after the breakup with her, he started staying in another bedroom separate from her (3 bedroom house). Knowing him the way I've gotten to know him, he doesn't like conflict and won't sleep with her if there's conflict. So I feel this part is true, but.......Who really knows other than them....


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

southern wife said:


> ...snip...
> 
> ETA: He told me that after the breakup with her, he started staying in another bedroom separate from her (3 bedroom house). *Knowing him the way I've gotten to know him, he doesn't like conflict and won't sleep with her if there's conflict. So I feel this part is true, but.......Who really knows other than them....*


I am like this. If there is conflict, if things aren't right, I don't want, and won't have sex. That is a large part of why the final four years of my marriage was entirely sexless, even though my ex wife consistently came onto me. Even after we separated, she wanted sex with me. I didn't want to have sex with her, so I didn't.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Sorry to hear all this happening SW. I do t have good reference point to give you my take. I do send you Aloha.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Howdy Southern!

That’s a wild damn ride you’ve been on there.

Look, my thoughts are pretty simple but I am – as the song goes – "a simple kind of man”. This whole relationship was formed on the premise of a lie. Well actually, a whole bunch of damned lies. I just can’t see where it could get any better that where it started and that’s someplace I definitely wouldn’t want to be – ever.

Not to play “I told you so” but what did your brother have to say about the fellow?

I’d say it’s time for lover boy to spread his wings and fly away – you deserve better.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

"Meanwhile, I mentioned to my brother that this guy has contacted me, and my brother warned me not to get involved. "

It sounds like your brother knows this guy quite well. You are lucky that you discovered his true nature before you became too attached to him.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Well, I have a weakness in that I can usually find good things in even the worst people…mostly.
That said…take this for whatever it’s worth.

He doesn’t like conflict.
He drags his feet.
He’s probably not good at confrontation.

Sounds like his passive way of dealing with things is what you are going to get. I think you should GENTLY sit him down and discuss this rationally.
If you have a tendency to yell or raise your voice, don’t do that. I am betting that is one of his triggers.

Yes, he appears to be slightly guilty, but that may be exaggerated by his reaction to confrontation. 
There IS a chance that their relationship cooled off and they didn’t have strong feelings for her.

But you won’t really KNOW until you talk with him.
Calmly and quietly.

I have seen guys do this exact thing before and they honestly didn’t mean anything by it. True that is a very passive thing to do, but he is a little passive anyway so it should come as no surprise.
I suggest the talk so you can get to the bottom of what is going on before you do any more damage.

In the process of this you may want to examine your reaction to this.
You may reveal additional parts of yourself it would be good to know about.

PS. Just to be clear, Im not saying this is a 100% truth, but there is a snall chance its a comedy of errors. Thats why I suggest the talk. If nothing else it will validate and allow you to lay to rest some of your thoughts.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> Well, I have a weakness in that I can usually find good things in even the worst people…mostly.
> That said…take this for whatever it’s worth.
> 
> He doesn’t like conflict.
> ...


I have tried to get to the root of the matter by talking to him and asking questions. The harder I press and more I ask, the more he says I push him away.

And that's just it: I DO see goodness in him and in his heart.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> PS. Just to be clear, Im not saying this is a 100% truth, but there is a snall chance its a comedy of errors. Thats why I suggest the talk. If nothing else it will validate and allow you to lay to rest some of your thoughts.


Yes, he said that one lie led to many, if that is what you mean by "comedy of errors".


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

skype said:


> "Meanwhile, I mentioned to my brother that this guy has contacted me, and my brother warned me not to get involved. "
> 
> It sounds like your brother knows this guy quite well. You are lucky that you discovered his true nature before you became too attached to him.


He has been in some trouble in his past, but that's his past. I can look beyond that. I don't judge him for his past. AND he was upfront with me about it when we first met for a few beers. If I can handle that news, I can surely understand, if given the chance, a living arrangement, especially when he says he wants to move!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I can understand "separate bedrooms". Most marriages end like that. Mine sure did!

But the dragging his feet to get his stuff after all these months has me perplexed.

My separation and finding my own house to buy happened quicker than this!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sorry Southern Wife.. things sounded so good ...even if too fast...like a whirlwind Romance.. he even played patient for sex....

I am not all that convinced by what you say this isn't true even (that he REALLY cares for you).. we all know had this guy told you the unabated truth you would have never given him the chance... I'm not saying lying is OK.. It isn't!... but could be his fear of you walking away was stronger than his moral compass at the time.... yet still...he would have been much better off just getting your #, getting his stuff together and contacting you after it was all over...

How your brother feels and why ...who is this mysterious Rhonda...and IF his GF even knows *about you*...would be my questions... I'd want answered..... he needs to come clean...and I'd gather every bit of information & history on him that you could get your hands on.. if It was me.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry Southern Wife.. things sounded so good ...even if too fast...like a whirlwind Romance.. he even played patient for sex....
> 
> I am not all that convinced by what you say this isn't true even (that he REALLY cares for you).. we all know had this guy told you the unabated truth you would have never given him the chance... I'm not saying lying is OK.. It isn't!... but could be his fear of you walking away was stronger than his moral compass at the time.... yet still...he would have been much better off just getting your #, getting his stuff together and contacting you after it was all over...
> 
> How your brother feels and why ...who is this mysterious Rhonda...and IF his GF even knows *about you*...would be my questions... I'd want answered..... he needs to come clean...and I'd gather every bit of information & history on him that you could get your hands on.. if It was me.


Should I even contact the X? I have tried to call her at work and the house. The house # just rings and rings, no answering machine. I've verified that it's a landline. Her office number rings a few times and goes to her voicemail.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


*Never, never, never, say those words to someone until they literally come out of your heart, much rather than your mouth or your appendage! And never ever say it back to them, provided that they say it to you first, unless you are totally committed in knowing that you indeed are loving them!

To do otherwise is only doing you both a gross disservice and dooming the relationship to sheer failure!*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southern wife said:


> Should I even contact the X? I have tried to call her at work and the house. The house # just rings and rings, no answering machine. I've verified that it's a landline. Her office number rings a few times and goes to her voicemail.


Personally if it was ME.. I'd sure be wanting to....but I'd be bracing for an angry hussy coming back at me - if she doesn't know.. (his practically living with you for a month though - she can't be clueless either).... Maybe she'll tell you to KEEP HIM and explain every reason why.. 

It could be terribly awkward.. but hey.. he's the one throwing "I love you's" around & all. Just be prepared to hear anything and I wouldn't give any personal info, I wouldn't even call from your regular phone or cell (what if she is half crazy & comes after you ?)... I'd try to use a pay phone ...something untraceable.. if that is even possible today...or I'd probably not do it..


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

southern wife said:


> Yes, he said that one lie led to many, if that is what you mean by "comedy of errors".


In a way. 
When you head is swimming in chemicals because you just met somebody you click with, its easy for people to tell themselves things that they would never endorse if they werent "under the influence".
Its the same effect as the affair fog, we'll call it "love fog"...

Me may have been dragging his feet because he didnt want to kill his buzz.
Just a theory..

I can tell you when I was infected with "Walking Disney" (divorce cured me of it...) I did a few things that I remember and still go "WTH? Were? You? Thinking?!"


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Never, never, never, say those words to someone until they literally come out of your heart, much rather than your mouth or your appendage! *


...or if you are a ventriloquist. :smthumbup:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Personally if it was ME.. I'd sure be wanting to....but I'd be bracing for an angry hussy coming back at me - if she doesn't know.. (his practically living with you for a month though - she can't be clueless either).... Maybe she'll tell you to KEEP HIM and explain every reason why..
> 
> It could be terribly awkward.. but hey.. he's the one throwing "I love you's" around & all. Just be prepared to hear anything and I wouldn't give any personal info, I wouldn't even call from your regular phone or cell (what if she is half crazy & comes after you ?)... I'd try to use a pay phone ...something untraceable.. if that is even possible today...or I'd probably not do it..


No I wouldn't call from my number(s).


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

An interesting and heart-wrenching turn of events has clearly answered this question.

Thanks for y'alls input!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

southern wife said:


> An interesting and heart-wrenching turn of events has clearly answered this question.
> 
> *Thanks for y'alls input!*


I think we need to hear this thank you with our ears. Catch my drift 

Mahalo


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

southern wife said:


> An interesting and heart-wrenching turn of events has clearly answered this question.
> 
> Thanks for y'alls input!


Heart-wrenching? 

Are you okay, SW?


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

*Re: Re: Question about guys saying "I love you"*



southern wife said:


> In a new relationship, would/do you guys (or guys in general) say "I love you" to get something(s) you want? Or do you REALLY feel that way?
> 
> Please be honest!


I mean what I say. That phrase isn't frivolous and it is from the heart when I say it to my wife.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

I'm not in a new relationship, having recently celebrated 11 years of not messing up enough for my wife to divorce me. I don't say I love you to her because I want something. I don't even say it because I want to say it. I say it because she needs to hear it.


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## newbees (Oct 16, 2014)

Honestly, that's the way to express your feeling to your love ones for saying I love you. I'm always saying it, not just because I need something to her, but to let her know how much the love that I can give to her.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Heart-wrenching?
> 
> Are you okay, SW?


I'm ok, hb. Just :slap: over what has transpired in my life the past few months/weeks/days!!!!!!!

The guy in my story above started out, and never stopped, lying to me.............nor to his ex that he was living with. I contacted her and let her now everything. He told her that he was staying at his Dad's house (5 min. from my house) for the past few months. I told her he's been at my house non-stop since before my vacation. 

I'm not going to bore y'all with the time-line details and lies, but WOW what a player. I didn't see it coming although the red flags were burying me. :wtf: Funny how you think you know someone's heart, but you really don't. Remember we knew each other when we were kids. For some reason, I thought he would NOT do anything like this to me. He was best friends with my brother back then. 

He still has some stuff in her house and she wants it out; I'm hoping she'll stick to her guns. As of this morning, she said that he is asking for another chance with her. He's been using her for MONEY for YEARS!!!! He's never paid rent at her house; she's paid for ALL of their expensive vacations every year. She IS the doormat type, but she's shocked over everything I told her about my relationship with him.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm so sorry to hear SW. 

Aloha


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

What a lousy deal, SW. I'm very sorry.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

That's horrific, SW. Just be glad that you dodged that bullet. You're right, it takes awhile to get to know someone's true nature. A snake in the grass!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm really sorry to hear you went through this, SW.


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## Tommy509 (Feb 11, 2011)

My GF said it after three or four months together right after a really awkward lunch where we were fighting a bit. I think it was a response to the distance created by the lunch and trying to move past it. I suggested that to her later, and she said she had been feeling it for a while and was planning to say it anyway. I replied the same at the time, even though I'm not sure I was feeling it. I do now, of course, but in the moment is was a bit misplaced and had nothing to do with nookie. Caught me off guard.

I'm not sure anyone really knows or can specifically define what love is or feels like, so I'm not sure how much meaning to place on those exchanges. Lots of people think it's something magical, but my pastor says it's a decision. I tend to fall in the middle. There has to be some sort of chemistry, but you ultimately decide to love someone and commit to them and over time share experiences that have a binding effect. I shared 26 years with my Ex and still love her in that I care what happens to her and that she's happy, but I know I couldn't live with her any more. That's what makes divorce so hard.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

southern wife said:


> I'm ok, hb. Just :slap: over what has transpired in my life the past few months/weeks/days!!!!!!!
> 
> The guy in my story above started out, and never stopped, lying to me.............nor to his ex that he was living with. I contacted her and let her now everything. He told her that he was staying at his Dad's house (5 min. from my house) for the past few months. I told her he's been at my house non-stop since before my vacation.
> 
> ...


Watch, she will stay with him.

ANyways, I hope you learned some valuable lessons from all this.

Trust NO ONE, let men prove their love WITH ACTION (not words). Take their words with "grain of salt".

And TIME, TIME is your friend. Most players will run away in a week....some weeks....and some months.....but TIME is what protects you the most.


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