# Katscoots



## katscoots (May 20, 2019)

Hello, I am new to this forum. I’ve been married almost 21 years and I would say we’ve had a very good relationship. I’ve been looking for advice and finally took the leap to join a forum. My husband and I are both in law enforcement and in fairly high level positions within our organization. High stress jobs. All in all, he treats me well and is a kind, giving man. However, over the last 5 years he has really increased his drinking. He’s gone from a beer now and then and only in social situations to what is now a nightly occurrence. He’s gone from beer to hard ciders and now just straight up whiskey. About a year ago, he was drinking nearly nightly and to the point of slurring his words and obvious impairment. I confronted him about it at that time. He has since not shown the signs of obvious impairment routinely, but he has continued to drink pretty much every single day. A few weeks ago, we were vacationing and he was drinking a lot, for lunch, after dinner and on into the night. I confronted him again and now he is hiding it. I don’t see him buy it, pour it...etc but I know he is still drinking. I am having a very hard time with it. It repulses me and I in turn and short with him. He will mix it with the flavored waters he drinks. I can tell because the color of the water changes and I can smell it on his breath. I caught him about to reach into the cabinet where he keeps his whiskey when I walked in the door last weekend and he looked like a kid with their hand on a candy jar. I blew it off because I just couldn’t bring myself to confront him. I can't seem to bring myself to confront him again. I keep thinking that since he’s not a mean drinker that the problem is mine, not his. I am fairly sure he thinks I have no clue that he’s hiding it. We’re close to retirement (in the next 5 years) and I can’t see myself living this way for 20 more years. Is it a problem or am I the problem? I definitely feel like he’s not the same man I married and I’ve told him that.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

No, the problem is NOT you, its the drinking, for sure. How have you approached him when you confronted him before? Maybe you need to come at it from the angle that something must me seriously stressing/hurting/bothering him for him to be drinking the way he is, and you are concerned about getting to the bottom of it. Focus a bit more on what his issue is, rather than the actual drinking. For the moment, at least. But if he isnt forthcoming about what is going on, then you need to come up with some boundaries and make sure you stick to them, you dont want to be enabling him. He is the only one who can help him in the long run, but you can make it clear that you wont be a part of it if he wants to keep doing what he is doing. 

Maybe go check out an Al-Anon meeting... useful for you, maybe that would be eye opening for him if he knows about it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

was there something that happen 5 years ago when you saw him escalate his drinking? examples; maybe he received more responsibilities, maybe confronted an issue in his personal life....someone just doesn't decide to start drinking more for no reason...we are creatures of habits and will stay on that course unless undue circumstances force us to change our pattern? the other thought is that he may have been drinking more longer than 5 years it's just that you may not have noticed it before.


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## katscoots (May 20, 2019)

So we moved about 5 years ago and he took on about the most unthankful job there is in our organization. But he’s moved on since then. He had been traveling a lot for work and seemed to befriend some guys that enjoy their whiskey and cigars. He was gone for 10 months straight. I’ve had a few miscarriages over the years and hadn’t considered that it’s affected him. He hasn’t ever indicted that. I did ask him when I confronted him last year why? Was it me? Was he depressed? He said it wasn’t me and that he didn’t have an answer. He’s never been one to share his deep feelings on-a regular basis. The hiding it is what really gets me right now. That indicates a problem to me and makes me very angry.


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