# Living in Limbo



## ktheuerkauf (Jan 2, 2017)

My husband and I are separated. We go back and forth with getting a divorce. Yesterday he wanted a divorce but now he wants to test to see if I can improve and we can get along. He said that one mess-up and we're over. What a mess-up means is me getting upset, argumentative, controlling, etc. He's very vague with this though, so I'm not sure what this exactly means. I am doing my best to work on this. Counseling, books, self-help, etc. I'm trying to control my thoughts and emotions and be positive. However, simply being in his presence is very, very difficult. I either want to cry or scream for a few reasons. He is very unresponsive and will not do anything with me. I asked him if he wanted to get coffee and take the dog for a walk with no expectation of talking and he declined both. I'm a nervous wreck and feel like I'm a ticking time bomb and very anxious and scared. When I feel this way, I withdraw or push my husband to talk to me, the latter which he abhors. I can't live like this and live in this limbo. I can't eat or sleep. What can I do to make this work between us when I'm so unclear of what he wants? How can I control my emotions and get through these anxious thoughts? I've been praying, running and going on lots of walks with my dog. But, I go back to work next week and I'm a teacher. I can hardly make it through the day!


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## Whatsright86 (Jun 24, 2017)

Have you asked him what he wants to do? Maybe try doing something he likes with him and see how he responds

Hope it works out for you


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

All I can say about reading the first part of this is that I don't understand why he's wasting your time in the first place. He's clearly wishy-washy about it and he's already setting it up for failure ("one mess up and we're done").

His lack of decision making is also really having a negative effect on you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ARE you normally controlling and argumentative? Do you raise your voice to him?


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

Yeah I think Toblerone is right he is wasting your time and keeping you in limbo and in turn keeping you on edge and not letting you enjoy life. Life is too short for this! If you want to work it out I would sit down with him and explain how you feel and you don't want or need to live your life like you are currently it is not fair to you. Plus you are a teacher and have enough stress in your life. Can I ask you if you guys are still having sex? It may be possible that he thinks he can treat you that way and have sex if you guys are. Please keep us or me updated.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

When you dated / married were the two of you the same way then? Why do you think he is that way? How much do you think his attitude shapes the way you react (controlling, screaming, etc)?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

turnera said:


> ARE you normally controlling and argumentative? Do you raise your voice to him?


This.

It would help to know what led to the separation in the first place. 

It's easy to understand the post-separation behavior, but were you exhibiting these things prior to separation?

Did he refuse to do things with you prior to the separation?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

There's more in her other thread. Perhaps have a moderator merge them. They lost their only child about 4 yrs ago and they are in an agreed in-house separation.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...0-confused-about-separation.html#post18888777


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I've seen this strategy before with a buddy that does it to control his wife as a form of emotional abuse. I don't know your situation but from your other thread I'd say just pull the plug already and divorce each other since you two are clearly not happy together and haven't been for a long time.


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