# The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections



## SimplyAmorous

*The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections*

I caught this thread >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/83034-when-marriage-just-too-perfect.html which ruffled some feathers here.....it puts the spotlight on & questions those who speak affectionately of our marriages/ spouses with adoration, a well spring of thankfulness & Praise... 

Let's talk about "Perfect" for a moment *>* 
*Meaning**:* Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind....Being without defect or blemish...faultless, flawless, impeccable.... do you know anyone like this in life ?? I don't ... 

For starters...I believe this to be TRUE >> 










Now here lies the amazing thing about ....when we find it...the imperfections start to bud in each of us...but yet... somehow we still love with a burning flame....it is what makes each of us unique....our weaknesses can even make us beautiful .....a Gratitude & connection grows.... and this happens....










This has been a Very inspiring song to many.... F'n Perfect - Pink ....the lyrics, the video, the "spirit" perfectly illustrates this message...that in our imperfections, bad decisions, wrong turns along the way, fighting our own demons... happiness CAN be found ... that WE are "enough"... 



















  







   

I FEEL the meaning of all of these quotes to a high degree in my own Marriage... and somehow wanted to convey this message - that this is Attainable... despite not one of us has "arrived".... 

Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ? 

And this >>


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## CharlieParker

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ?


We laugh about our numerous imperfections, it's actually very important for us. We are both very quirky.


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## Plan 9 from OS

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

We are imperfect people trying our best to make our union as special and "right" as we can make it. That's how my wife and I view our marriage. I have my share of faults and so does she. At the end of the day, we do what we can for each other because we are in love. I know love and acceptance of each others quirks go hand in hand. I also believe that love also is demonstrated when two people try to overcome their own faults for the sake of the other. It's all about living your life for the sake of the team - where team is you, your spouse and your kids if you have them. And it will come to pass that your team will shrink to just you and your spouse again once all of the kids are on their own starting their own families. 

I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread.


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## LovesHerMan

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

This reminds me of the Jars of Clay song::

Jars Of Clay - Faith Enough - YouTube

It's just enough to be strong in the broken places.


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## romantic_guy

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

Great post buy the way...as always. The one that describes us is "When two imperfect people refuse to give up on each other." We have certainly had our share of issues over almost 41 years of marriage, especially since we married so young. We just refused to give up. We are now reaping the benefit of the hard work. 

The vast majority of the time now, we make jokes about or simply overlook the annoyances. You have a choice: allow annoyances to drive you crazy, or choose to overlook them. I heard Dr. Gary Chapman tell the story about his wife who can't seem to close drawers or cabinets. It used to drive him crazy...until he came up with a solution. Every time he found an open cabinet...he closed it.

The other thing we learned over the years by reading some great books is how to meet the needs of the other. She needs affirmation, not criticism. I need physical touch...and sex. She gets her intimacy from talking, sharing, words of affirmation. I get my intimacy from time together and sex. She is the responder. I meet her need for intimacy then she meets mine.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



CharlieParker said:


> We laugh about our numerous imperfections, it's actually very important for us. We are both very quirky.


I love this Charlie Parker...we Do this too...... I make fun of how laid back he can be.... he makes fun of how Angry I can get in a moment... We laugh at ourselves when we get too MUSHY/ sappy - like if a love song comes on....he sometimes makes fun of my cooking, gets the kids involved...(I am not offended - as I know I can whip it up like a Chef - when I put enough effort into it)......they balance this with praise on me too. 

If I suggest WE work on some house project saying ..."Lets do _____ tonight"......he will start calling me "Mrs Let's" cause I need to get my butt up & help him instead of sitting there - my fingers glued to this keyboard .... 

When I got a little too bossy in the past (see, never said I was perfect!)... he would say "YES DEAR" ....he knew I HATED THAT, I would come over and pound on him (in a nice way).......he got his way too, so he could grab me! He hasn't said that one for a long time now. ...I guess I have been a sweet wife. 

If I give a hint of a pi$$y attitude or I might be ignoring him -maybe glued to TAM deep in typing out a post ..... He will say in a higher toned voice ''Loooovvveeee Yoouuuu!" right over me - to get his point across... 

But yeah... adore all of that..... He is very good for me as he doesn't FAN the flames... He Knows just how to temper me down...feed right into his arms even....


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



lovesherman said:


> This reminds me of the Jars of Clay song::
> 
> Jars Of Clay - Faith Enough - YouTube
> 
> It's just enough to be strong in the broken places.


 for sharing... I listened, and looked up the words >>>



> The ice is thin enough for walkin'
> The rope is worn enough to climb
> My throat is dry enough for talkin'
> The world is crumblin' but I know why
> The world is crumblin' but I know why
> 
> The storm is wild enough for sailing
> The bridge is weak enough to cross
> This body frail enough for fighting
> I'm home enough to know I'm lost
> Home enough to know I'm lost
> 
> It's just enough to be strong
> In the broken places, in the broken places
> It's just enough to be strong
> Should the world rely on faith tonight
> 
> The land unfit enough for planting
> Barren enough to conceive
> Poor enough to gain the treasure
> Enough a cynic to believe
> Enough a cynic to believe
> 
> Confused enough to know direction
> The sun eclipsed enough to shine
> Be still enough to finally tremble
> And see enough to know I'm blind
> And see enough to know I'm blind
> 
> Should the world rely on faith tonight




This is my personal favorite for sticking it out through whatever life hands us ..not necessarily a marital song, but could be!...
 Through the Barracades by Spandau Ballet


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## hambone

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



CharlieParker said:


> We laugh about our numerous imperfections, it's actually very important for us. We are both very quirky.


We do to... The good news is that between the two of us.. we have all the bases covered. We cover for each other. 

We have so much love and respect for each other. 

Never, not even once, has my wife embarrassed me in public.


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## Ikaika

*The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections*

I am so sorry that I was one to get sensitive about that post. But I am so glad there is a new awakening on this forum. Thank you SA. You are an inspiration.


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## Caribbean Man

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

My wife is slow and deliberate at times, I'm always in a hurry, multitasking , doing lots of stuff at the same time.
How it works for both of us is that she sometimes spot little details I might overlook, although I like details.
But sometimes in my haste, I overlook stuff.
Another thing is that she's good at remembering due dates, birthdays, anniversaries etc. I'm not.
She has my back.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



drerio said:


> I am so sorry that I was one to get sensitive about that post. But I am so glad there is a new awakening on this forum. Thank you SA. You are an inspiration.


It was surely *NOT* you Drerio.....going by her words here >>>



> *Rags said*: " I cringe when I hear people brag about how great their marriage is or how they are with their best friend all the time".


 A few of my responses were recently on her http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/81922-wedding-rings.html thread .....I was making a specific point to how a couple can be very much in love/ committed & still take their rings off - not thinking all that much of it ...that is doesn't = their marriage is on the rocks (but this depends on the couple of course- their personal views -like anything else)..... did I go a little over board in expressing this .....well... I was just BEING ME! 

Just went & looked at that thread again to see if I said anything about being best friends.... Mystery Solved.....I posted a pic of our Wedding napkins which speaks of ... 
"*this day I will marry MY FRIEND*"!

It was ME Drerio !! 

I am not sure how I feel about this.....if my posts sicken someone to this degree.... should *I *leave ? 

Ya know I've been posting 3 + yrs here ...I'll try to do a recap of where it wasn't all gushing.......

*1.* My very 1st thread was about how I wanted my husband to be MORE Dominant in BED...sharing my frustration when my hormones were acting up...

*2.* I did a thread explaining how I feel *"Repression"* stole from us...how we missed each other for many years...exploring / being more creative .... I was angry  ..a well of emotions...& felt compelled to speak on such things so others wouldn't make these mindless mistakes in their early marriages as I/we did ...though this doesn't seem to be a common problem at TAM... (more on a christian forum likely ...been there, done that...& got thrown off) .....I guess I am too immoral for them.

It once again begs the question.... Where do I belong [email protected]#$%^ 

*3. * I did a thread on *Resentment* explaining how I was blindsided to learn, when we opened up the sex dialog FINALLY ...that even those years he seemed so happy & I WAS...that my husband was slowly & silently building resentment towards me...wanting me to suffer as he was....when I was too into our kids & he wanted more ... 

*4*. I've done a thread asking if I WHINE too much ....openly sharing how I have caused my husband some grief in an area that I wanted MORE from him....I took some heat for that... those suggesting I have been playing it up... making our marriage sound better than it was all this time... no, not really... I was just trying to show... NO marriage is Perfect you see... and we all have little fights/ squabbles...a little conflict is as normal as the sun coming up ....but this is no way has to take away from a beautiful thing... 

So ya know... it wouldn't matter if one GUSHs or one vulnerably opens themselves up saying..."HEY, look at me, this is where I struggle" ....one thing in life is as certain as DEATH and TAXES...I think they forgot to add this to the mix.... the critics are on every corner. 

We all have our moments....can we be REAL about it - and still be greatly loved... I say YES! 

Dare I say I'm crazily deeply madly in love .....I am passionate about Marriage (this keeps me ticking here)....I am enthusiastic about "amorous" Intimacy...the role this plays in our overall happiness... It's just not a subject I have grown tired of ...as yet. 

I do so wish this upon all.


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## CharlieParker

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I am not sure how I feel about this.....if my posts sicken someone to this degree.... should *I *leave ?


You're not serious? Oh, wait you're replying to drerio 

I have learned from your posts, thank you. Now (as in today) I really should act on some of that knowledge.


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## Ikaika

*The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections*



CharlieParker said:


> You're not serious? Oh, wait you're replying to drerio
> 
> I have learned from your posts, thank you. Now (as in today) I really should act on some of that knowledge.


SA definitely belongs, but me?. Questionable. I am not very good at hiding behind an internet mask.


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## A Bit Much

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

This is an awesome thread!

I've been blessed by it for sure. Love has found my husband and I and we couldn't imagine life without the other. We are yin and yang. Built and fit for one another in every way. I look forward to every new day with him.

It's really an amazing thing to find that person that just 'gets' you and also understands what it's all about.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



CharlieParker said:


> You're not serious? Oh, wait you're replying to drerio
> 
> I have learned from your posts, thank you. Now (as in today) I really should act on some of that knowledge.





drerio said:


> SA definitely belongs, but me?. Questionable. I am not very good at hiding behind an internet mask.


Thank you guys.....you always seem to show up on my threads...no matter what the subject....It means a lot to me.  

But seriously...I often think about leaving here....was earlier today driving home from the kids swimming lessons...just quit cold turkey ! It's probably TIME.....it's been time... I've just been dragging my feet...

Problem is.... I know I don't have the will power to stay away... It's kinda like .....if it's in the house, I am going to get my hands on it... Likewise if the computer is there, it calls me...I have to check what is happening here.



> *A Bit Much said*: Love has found my husband and I and we couldn't imagine life without the other. *We are yin and yang. Built and fit for one another in every way.* I look forward to every new day with him.
> 
> It's really an amazing thing to find that person that just 'gets' you and also understands what it's all about.


:smthumbup: Yeah...it's the sweetest thing in the world, and works something like this >>


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



Threetimesalady said:


> However, being older I hesitate voicing my opinion...I dread the younger generation looking at me as some old woman sitting in a room speaking of life past...I am so far from this that it is a joke...I live in heaven and am surrounded with not only the love of my family, but a man who I would die for and who would die for me...Yet, in the back of my mind I keep remembering my thoughts when I was your age...How would I have reacted when I was in my late 40's to some old lady who spoke of passion and lust at this age in life?..


 Just wanted to say... I never rolled my eyes at my Grandmother when she shared her love story with me...I have such fond memories of sitting on her country porch... her in her Rocker, and me on the swing... we'd eat ice cream & talk for hours....

I absorbed ALL of her life lessons... I wanted that sort of marriage/ family.....Maybe I am not the norm... and that was back in my early teens...at that time she was in her 70's !!! 

She didn't go on about Sex & all this flavorful stuff...honestly I wish she did !!! I can see me someday being JUST LIKE HER... just add the JUICY stuff ....so God help my Grandchildren! 

I feel we hurt ourselves IF we dismiss, or easily write off the lessons of those who have lived & loved before us... generations may come & go, but does *Passion* and *Love* really change ? 







> Originally Posted by *Threetimesalady* ...I believe when two people are perfectly mated both by personality and sexuality that they can raise heaven and hell and not be separated...Where one falters, the other stands strong...This is where the perfection comes in....
> 
> Life is learning...This is something that never stops...What I thought I knew six weeks ago is only a thimble full of what I know now...I have been humbled and will be grateful for every breath he takes for the rest of my life...I have found that with life and each happening comes a new maturity...It is at that time that you have to reach within yourself and find the perfection that has been there all along and has now allowed you to bring it forward...This is when you grow and learn the new you...You grasp this new meaning of the word called "love" and your days are never the same again...This is when you learn that life has nothing to do with you, but the person who completes you...And you remember this for all the remaining days of your life..


 ThreeTimesALady for sharing !


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## Lyris

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

Oh, I hope you don't go, SA. We need you!


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## Ikaika

*The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections*



Lyris said:


> Oh, I hope you don't go, SA. We need you!


If SA leaves, I'm leaving. She has a lot more usefulness around here than I do. Plus, she is better looking


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

I absolutely adore this song...it's so moving... all-encompassing... 

 All of me -by John Legend....the words made me think of this old thread of mine...


Notice the opening words *>>* "What would I do without your smart mouth?...Drawing me in, and you kicking me out"...

"you're crazy...and I'm out of my mind"....

"even when you're crying your beautiful too"...and 

"Love your curves and all your edges...All your perfect imperfections" ..

Yeah...there is beauty in those imperfections... this song captures that so well...


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## MSP

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


>


That's a great set of lyrics to sing to a woman. Thanks for posting them.

You'll never guess what the first song I sang and played to my now-wife was.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



MSP said:


> *That's a great set of lyrics to sing to a woman. Thanks for posting them.
> 
> You'll never guess what the first song I sang and played to my now-wife was. *


Oh I'll never guess....do tell MSP!....does this mean you are a guitarist or pianist too?.... I can't think of anything more sentimentally moving / emotionally rocking...over a man pouring his heart out like this...that's as good as it gets!! 

I guess John Legend sang this to his Bride on their wedding Day.. .was reading a little of those "song facts"... did your wife turn to a ball of mush before you...mascara running down her cheeks...

Bet your guests had some tears too....if the song was anything like this one!


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## meson

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> "Love your curves and all your edges...All your perfect imperfections" ..
> 
> Yeah...there is beauty in those imperfections... this song captures that so well...


:iagree:

This song really does capture the whole bit about marriage. I especially like the term edges he uses. It really give a great image of the contrasts within each of us. I can really identify with them with my wife. Overtime I have come to enjoy the "edges" much more than I expected. It is an essential part of her personality. Sort of like the yin/yang comment above.


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## MSP

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh I'll never guess....do tell MSP!....does this mean you are a guitarist or pianist too?.... I can't think of anything more sentimentally moving / emotionally rocking...over a man pouring his heart out like this...that's as good as it gets!!
> 
> I guess John Legend sang this to his Bride on their wedding Day.. .was reading a little of those "song facts"... did your wife turn to a ball of mush before you...mascara running down her cheeks...


I play a few instruments. 

I meant the first song I played to my wife, not something from the wedding day, though. And, yeah, it was this one:

Mac Davis - It's Hard To Be Humble (1980) - YouTube


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



MSP said:


> I play a few instruments.
> 
> I meant the first song I played to my wife, not something from the wedding day, though. And, yeah, it was this one:
> 
> Mac Davis - It's Hard To Be Humble (1980) - YouTube










...yeah not a wedding day Song!! Ok.. I see you in a whole new light now MSP... only certain characters could pull off a song like that.. 

Oh that had to be so much FUN for her ~ probably shaking her head up & down through the laughter!!


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## MSP

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> ...yeah not a wedding day Song!! Ok.. I see you in a whole new light now MSP... only certain characters could pull off a song like that..
> 
> Oh that had to be so much FUN for her ~ probably shaking her head up & down through the laughter!!


Oh, I'm a heck of a joker elsewhere, even online. I'm pretty serious on TAM. 

The really funny thing was that we were still getting to know each other and I sang it over the phone to her. And I put on the most over the top country twang ever, just for fun. But because I had never sung to her before, she wasn't sure if that was my real singing voice or not! She was so polite and kind, she didn't want to offend me by laughing. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, "Why isn't she laughing?" Lol!

By the way, this was the first song I ever played to her:

Tommy Emmanuel - Blue Moon - YouTube


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## GrannyMildew

*Re: Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperf*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I caught this thread >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/83034-when-marriage-just-too-perfect.html which ruffled some feathers here.....it puts the spotlight on & questions those who speak affectionately of our marriages/ spouses with adoration, a well spring of thankfulness & Praise...
> 
> Let's talk about "Perfect" for a moment *>*
> *Meaning**:* Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind....Being without defect or blemish...faultless, flawless, impeccable.... do you know anyone like this in life ?? I don't ...
> 
> For starters...I believe this to be TRUE >>
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Now here lies the amazing thing about ....when we find it...the imperfections start to bud in each of us...but yet... somehow we still love with a burning flame....it is what makes each of us unique....our weaknesses can even make us beautiful .....a Gratitude & connection grows.... and this happens....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This has been a Very inspiring song to many.... F'n Perfect - Pink ....the lyrics, the video, the "spirit" perfectly illustrates this message...that in our imperfections, bad decisions, wrong turns along the way, fighting our own demons... happiness CAN be found ... that WE are "enough"...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I FEEL the meaning of all of these quotes to a high degree in my own Marriage... and somehow wanted to convey this message - that this is Attainable... despite not one of us has "arrived"....
> 
> Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ?
> 
> And this >>










SimplyAmorous said:


> for sharing... I listened, and looked up the words >>>
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is my personal favorite for sticking it out through whatever life hands us ..not necessarily a marital song, but could be!...
> Through the Barracades by Spandau Ballet


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## heartsbeating

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

This was linked on a more recent thread.

Last week my boss asked how long my husband and I had been together. I told her and she was surprised, replying 'Wow, and you're still so sweet with one another!' I joked this off about somehow he's managed to put up with me for all this time. I told my husband what she'd said. He smiled but added that we have our 'moments' too. And of course we do. We had a big moment not so long ago. Much of what I've been learning went out the window. Although certain instincts of how I would have reacted in the past has changed. We needed a bit of space, let the emotions and thoughts calm. After a time, I walked up to him and just put my arms around him. He put his arms around me in response but said he wasn't at that place yet. I told him neither was I. He asked why I was hugging him and I told him it felt the right thing to do. The next morning he said we ought to talk again and to remember it's me and him against the world; not against each other. We were able to talk again from a calmer place and sorted it out. Those moments happen. 

Recently he said he wanted to feel more support from me. I was taken aback..! and expressed how I felt that I'd been showing a lot of support. He told me what he needed ...I told him I felt I had been doing that. He said not to shout at him. I didn't realize that I was and said it was really important that he knew how much faith I have in him! He raised his voice slightly and said, 'Listen f*cker, I BELIEVE IN YOU!' and we both started laughing. I then gently reminded him that I've got his back. He then gently thanked me and said that's all he needed to hear.


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## brooklynAnn

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

I once said to my husband if you would just pick up your socks, stop smoking and stop stealing the pillows, you would be the perfect husband. He looked at me, smiled and said, "Perfect would be so boring". 

So I will take all the little imperfections and be happy. I would hate to have a boring husband or marriage.

I like this post. I have read it over quite a few times. It made me think of my marriage and all the things I have to be thankful for. Even, if at times there are bumps in the road and I get the smaller portion of the bed. I am over all happy and grateful for my blessings.

I have really learned a lot from the various articles and topics you have brought up SA. Makes me think. Glad you are doing it.

Enjoy your holiday, you crazy wacky people. :smile2:


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



heartsbeating said:


> We had a big moment not so long ago. Much of what I've been learning went out the window. Although certain instincts of how I would have reacted in the past has changed. We needed a bit of space, let the emotions and thoughts calm. After a time,* I walked up to him and just put my arms around him. He put his arms around me in response but said he wasn't at that place yet.* I told him neither was I. *He asked why I was hugging him and I told him it felt the right thing to do.* The next morning he said we ought to talk again and to remember it's me and him against the world; not against each other. We were able to talk again from a calmer place and sorted it out. Those moments happen.


 It seems many have a similar way.. they literally NEED some time & space before they can come back together.... 

It's like you tried to offer the olive branch but he wasn't ready to receive it just yet... it's not always easy to make that 1st move .... that had *to sting* just a little ?? 

We have our fights too... I may slam a door in a heated huff.... but I find I am just so miserable... I am marching right back up there, cracking the door back open..... or he is coming to me not wanting us to be mad at each other, he offers the olive branch too...

It's always a matter of...we just need to talk it out.. always vulnerability... then I own where I fell short...most times it's just the mundane annoyances of life - we let it get to us in a moment.. if we can redirect ourselves to what is REALLY & TRULY IMPORTANT...like smacking ourselves (or me) upside the head to how small these things REALLY are... it's like opening a window...and feeling the fresh air rush in... 

Generally, our fights are something terribly S T U P I D ... we've shared some with our close friends, and ya know.. it brings us more down to earth...those imperfections [email protected]#... 

My one GF looks my husband in the eye not long ago & says to him ..."well you know _____, it's when she stops fighting with you -you have to worry".. and he agreed with that... 



> Recently he said he wanted to feel more support from me. I was taken aback..! and expressed how I felt that I'd been showing a lot of support. He told me what he needed ...I told him I felt I had been doing that. He said not to shout at him. I didn't realize that I was and said it was really important that he knew how much faith I have in him! *He raised his voice slightly and said, 'Listen f*cker, I BELIEVE IN YOU!' and we both started laughing. I then gently reminded him that I've got his back. He then gently thanked me and said that's all he needed to hear*.


 I love that !  

It's great when in the midst of some intense emotions... it's E S C A L A T I N G ...we open our mouth.. and it's suddenly FUNNY AS HELL ..... then right in the middle of the fight.. we are laughing like crazy people (I fell off the bed once)....then we'll grab each other & speak some undying mush towards each other.. make up time!! 

Tonight our family watched >







together...that reaches to what's really important.. he did a lot of griping.. moaning about the things he gave up - traveling the world, the old house he lived in , too many kids, everything was falling apart after the $8,000 bank $$ was lost... he was going to end it all jumping off a bridge, he was worth more dead than alive...

George's wingless angel showing him what life / his town would have looked like without him there.. just a heartwarming movie to how we all make a difference.. even when we screw up badly.. George did a lot of screwing up in that movie ! 

I asked my husband what he got most out of the movie.. he answered ...how his wife stood beside him through it all....

It's A Wonderful Life - The Ending


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## jld

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

_"I asked my husband what he got most out of the movie.. he answered ...how his wife stood beside him through it all...."_

And he was thinking of you, SA. And feeling blessed.


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## heartsbeating

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> It seems many have a similar way.. they literally NEED some time & space before they can come back together....
> 
> It's like you tried to offer the olive branch but he wasn't ready to receive it just yet... it's not always easy to make that 1st move .... that had *to sting* just a little ??


No, there was no sting. I couldn't even suggest the intention was an olive branch. It was more an acknowledgement that we were both suffering in that moment and that it sucked for both of us. I wasn't ready to express any more in words. The body language of a hug was the best I could offer at that time - a willingness to embrace him and embrace the moment that we were both experiencing, regardless of how it felt. 

It really meant a lot to me when he lovingly said we needed to talk again... and when we did, the conversation occurred naturally, it wasn't forced or planned and it was from a more understanding place.



SimplyAmorous said:


> It's great when in the midst of some intense emotions... it's E S C A L A T I N G ...we open our mouth.. and it's suddenly FUNNY AS HELL ..... then right in the middle of the fight.. we are laughing like crazy people (I fell off the bed once)....then we'll grab each other & speak some undying mush towards each other.. make up time!!


Yes! Ha, falling off the bed... love that. He was mimicking me, being playfully demonstrative. It was funny to both of us. Afterwards he acknowledged the moment was more about him than me. I get it though. I've needed reassurance, validation, a boost... I'm sure most of us have. I had a bit of a down day this week. He's the one to see me for all that I am, and was the one to pick me up again. I'm grateful for all the moments.


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## Ikaika

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

Our imperfect perfect marriage is 21 years old today. What I have learned is that I'm not perfect and neither is my wife. We entered into this marriage with our faults and learned and continue to learn to deal with each other's "bumps" and "warts". I'm grateful that my wife continues to forgive my faults as I learn to do the same. This not always easy, but I would not trade it for anything. My greatest is my wife and my family, my sons along with my extended family, in-laws. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ikaika

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

"Greatest gift" TAM won't allow me to edit.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



heartsbeating said:


> No, there was no sting. I couldn't even suggest the intention was an olive branch. It was more an acknowledgement that we were both suffering in that moment and that it sucked for both of us. I wasn't ready to express any more in words. The body language of a hug was the best I could offer at that time - a willingness to embrace him and embrace the moment that we were both experiencing, regardless of how it felt.


 That's good- you both understood the gesture . 

I suggested this because I would feel it *a sting*... I'm wired a little different... I have a need to talk *NOW*.... I don't want space....

What calms me *is* >> TALKING IT OUT.. other wise I'll emotionally escalate within... then he'll risk a volatile explosion on his hands -let's say if he runs out of the house in a huff, goes for a drive... leaving me hanging, then shows up hours later (just as an example, my husband has never done this). 

If I tried to approach & he was so







he refused to talk to me, pushing me away, even in a small way.... I would feel it as abandonment, rejection to my olive branch. 

On the plus side.. I am more than willing to admit my sorry faults & weaknesses in the midst of a fight... but on the minus side ... I just need to express / to be heard...even if I'm heated / visibly upset. 

I generally go there at the "seed" stage when something is stirring within....which is very helpful...in this way resentment never grows.. ..and it avoids the more explosive type fights... 

Thankfully, my husband's never been one that needed space either -wouldn't matter at what point in a heated argument.. we just haggle it out.. till we find our peace. 

This helps too >>


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## farsidejunky

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



Ikaika said:


> Our imperfect perfect marriage is 21 years old today. What I have learned is that I'm not perfect and neither is my wife. We entered into this marriage with our faults and learned and continue to learn to deal with each other's "bumps" and "warts". I'm grateful that my wife continues to forgive my faults as I learn to do the same. This not always easy, but I would not trade it for anything. My greatest is my wife and my family, my sons along with my extended family, in-laws.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Congrats, brother.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I caught this thread >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/83034-when-marriage-just-too-perfect.html which ruffled some feathers here.....it puts the spotlight on & questions those who speak affectionately of our marriages/ spouses with adoration, a well spring of thankfulness & Praise...
> 
> Let's talk about "Perfect" for a moment *>*
> *Meaning**:* Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind....Being without defect or blemish...faultless, flawless, impeccable.... do you know anyone like this in life ?? I don't ...
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> For starters...I believe this to be TRUE >>
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> This has been a Very inspiring song to many.... F'n Perfect - Pink ....the lyrics, the video, the "spirit" perfectly illustrates this message...that in our imperfections, bad decisions, wrong turns along the way, fighting our own demons... happiness CAN be found ... that WE are "enough"...
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> I FEEL the meaning of all of these quotes to a high degree in my own Marriage... and somehow wanted to convey this message - that this is Attainable... despite not one of us has "arrived"....
> 
> Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ?
> 
> And this >>


* @SimplyAmorous' post has said it all as she has hit the ball clean out of the ball yard over into the next county! This is truly what love should be all about! She is so tuned in as to what love is all about as her impassioned writing is a sheer testament to us all!

I can only hope and pray that after having endured two materialistic and loveless marriages within the span of my lifetime, that I can finally find reciprocal love under these very same precepts!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



brooklynAnn said:


> *I once said to my husband if you would just pick up your socks, stop smoking and stop stealing the pillows, you would be the perfect husband. He looked at me, smiled and said, "Perfect would be so boring".
> 
> So I will take all the little imperfections and be happy. I would hate to have a boring husband or marriage.*


 I think when we think Perfect... we think less "edgy"... less things to laugh about , make fun of... that sort of thing... 

I enjoy watching the Hallmark Channel.. always a love story.. it's always 2 HOT looking singles - no dysfunctions meeting up sometime in late 20's to mid life.. with some fairy tale story..I've been saying the last few movies ...how I ENJOY them.. but jeez...talk about how it just doesn't work out that "perfectly" in real life.. a lot more scars , bruises, less hotness, did I mention "baggage" gets brought in.. unloaded.. 

I have a theory that.. none of us are perfectly "balanced"...at least not in every department.. ya know.. emotionally, Alpha / beta traits, there are clean freaks & those who'd be content living in a garbage can, from the super friendly to the recluse personality, etc etc..... which gives us plenty of quirks (not to mention annoyances) !...but it also gives us our passionate people, that could border on the obsessive.. but some of those are genius even! 

For instance.. I THINK TOO MUCH....it causes me to Worry more than I should, I over-analyze..... (that's a minus) but there is a plus side...I am an meticulous planner/ organizer..rarely do I forget something, I'm never late, I got it covered...it keeps the chaos down... 

Husband.. one of my gripes is...he could talk a little more & be more assertive in the bedroom.. (his minuses) but when it comes to affection/ a feeling of romance...he'd be tipping the scales...so somehow it overrides the minuses for me, when you take in the whole package.... 

With his quiet nature...so long as he engages with me, he wants to BE THERE...I don't mind being the conversation starter ...after all.. that comes EASY for me.



> I like this post. I have read it over quite a few times. It made me think of my marriage and all the things I have to be thankful for. *Even, if at times there are bumps in the road and I get the smaller portion of the bed. * I am over all happy and grateful for my blessings.


 You are sleeping together.. there's a plus !

Just think of this >>











> *I have really learned a lot from the various articles and topics you have brought up SA. Makes me think. Glad you are doing it.
> 
> Enjoy your holiday, you crazy wacky people*. :smile2:










@brooklynAnn ....there have been many "almost" threads ...had them half written out... then got side tracked, never finished... 

Back to you ...


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## heartsbeating

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*



SimplyAmorous said:


> That's good- you both understood the gesture .
> 
> I suggested this because I would feel it *a sting*... I'm wired a little different... I have a need to talk *NOW*.... I don't want space....


In general we talk things out... in this instance there was the need for space for both of us. We were far more effective when able to have time and talk again from a more understanding place. That was effective for us. 

I think we're all wired a little differently. At times we might share and relate with particular wiring. Our dynamics as couples are going to be different too. 

It's what makes TAM interesting :smile2:


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## heartsbeating

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

Happy anniversary Ikaika!


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## jld

*Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti*

Lol, I love the picture of all the kids in the bed. I don't think we have ever had more than two kids sleep with us at a time, but that was plenty.


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