# Reasonable ???



## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

If a spouse is unhappy about affection but only mentions it like twice a year but other than that acts happy on a daily basis.. wouldnt that be considered a lack of communication? how qould the other person really know how serious the other person is? 

yes know this spouse wants a seperation..


please give me some opinions.. obviously i have fault in this also but doesnt she to a degree??


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## takczynie (May 4, 2011)

My opinion, shouldn't have to ask for affection. When you love your husband/wife, if should come naturally.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

socal04 said:


> If a spouse is unhappy about affection but only mentions it like twice a year but other than that acts happy on a daily basis.. wouldnt that be considered a lack of communication? how qould the other person really know how serious the other person is?
> 
> yes know this spouse wants a seperation..
> 
> ...


If she asked and you didn't give her what she asked than she did communicate but you were not listening. When she ask for something, take it seriously even if it is not important to you. 

If you come at this as her fault you are unlikely to fix it. What did she need to do to get you to hear her? She asked and acted happy hoping to make herself appealing to you waiting for a hug. She asked again same result. THat's communication. So why is she at fault.

She made a request and you did not take her seriously and this is the consequence. She should not have to ask 100 times and act mad for you to give her a little hug. 

There is always a chance to reconcile but you have to acknowledged that your did not listen to her and that you regret that and want to change to meet her needs.


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

i was raised with no affection ... and there was some affection just not enough for her.. none of this was done on purpose.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

socal04 said:


> i was raised with no affection ... and there was some affection just not enough for her.. none of this was done on purpose.


That's all right, it difficult to give something you are not accustomed to giving that's why I mentioned to take her request seriously even if you think you don't know how.

If your spouse needs more affection and it is not something you are accustomed to do, let her know that you will have to work on it with her. The more you practice, the easier and more natural it will become. 

Do you want to be with your wife? Then you will have to learn to be affectionate with her. Tell her you felt that you did not know how to be affectionate so you avoided doing it. Tell her you want her and you are willing to do what it takes to make her happy.


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

a month ago i had an epiphany and really ramped up my affection/attentiveness... she says she mad cause why wasnt i doing this before.. i told her im sorry but im committed to stepping up my game and meeting her needs in this way.. .. then she says she needs time and wants an in house separation... so we sleep in diff rooms.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

socal04 said:


> a month ago i had an epiphany and really ramped up my affection/attentiveness... she says she mad cause why wasnt i doing this before.. i told her im sorry but im committed to stepping up my game and meeting her needs in this way.. .. then she says she needs time and wants an in house separation... so we sleep in diff rooms.


This is very positive. She is still there. Don't act desperate or beg her or try to smother her. Keep working on changes and be consistent. No matter what, don't revert back to the old you. 

Make yourself irresistible to her. Improve your looks, make little changes and act pleasant to her but don't crowd her. Invite her back by your actions and attitude. Let her see the guy she married and why she fell in love.

It is so common for a spouse to say why did you before ... but is is a useless question. 

What she means is, you could have changes when she asked you the first time but you chose to let it go and make her unhappy. She is asking why did you make the change to avoid hurting her. 

There is no answer, epiphanies happen all the time. Tell her you did not have your eyes open enough but now you do and you want to take it slow and see if you can reconnect. Start small, spending time together doing something pleasant. Avoid taling about the relationship.


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

thx


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