# I'm at my wits end



## Steveo (Apr 8, 2009)

I need to give some background to the situation. My wife is English and I am Australian. 5 years ago we moved to Australia from England mainly because I could not go on with the rat race in London and I got really depressed. Right now the position is reversed and my wife wants to divorce so that she can return with our 2 boys aged 9 & 7. I am in a well paid job here and it would be silly to throw it all in. She looks after the boys.

At first I thought it was just a stage where she was missing family and friends. We go back regularly and last trip was 9 months ago where she stayed a month and I was there for 2 weeks due to work commitments. This is leading to something...

I honestly thought that she was missing family... until I discovered some emails and love letters with someone she met once whilst over there. I am devastated! I now believe that are other motives for her wanting to go back. I have confronted her about these emails and she insists that it is only flirting. I am finding hard to cope with this. I do believe her when she says that she hasn't slept with him (due to the geographical distance) I am about to lose my kids, my house (which can be replaced) and my wife. Since there has not been any adultery, do I try to persuade her to change her mind and stay? Am I flogging a dead horse? I do a lot around the house and with the kids and am not a lazy person. I have a great relationship with the kids.


----------



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

You both need to sit down and talk maybe with counselling .Have you told her how heartbroken you and the children would be to have such a distants between you with out trying to work things out first .
does she still have contact from the person via email? tell her you want to fight to keep your marriage together and will do all that it takes x


----------



## amigo21 (Apr 2, 2009)

You have said u have a great relationship with the kids, how about with your wife?

u have a very good job, in your own place, do u spend enough time with her? she is here just for your sake. if she is missing her family, may be u shud spend more time with her and try to make her feel more at home and talk to her.

find out what she has in her mind. may be she just needs company - somebody who can spend some time with her, talk to her and make her feel nice...


----------



## Steveo (Apr 8, 2009)

As a quick reply. We used to have a great relationship. My wife blames me for "making her leave England" to come to what I considered a much better place to raise the kids and it has been a great move.

My days used to consist of getting up early and preparing myself for work and I do my own ironing. Making my and the kids lunches. Making her a cup of tea as she woke up and essentially getting the kids out of bed. I would then battle through peak hour traffic to get to work an hour later, do my job and battle traffic again to get home. When I get back we have about 5 mins together before she goes off to do her adult things (dance class). I then clear up dinner and get the kids prepared for bed and maybe do some reading with them. By the time she gets back I am tired and we may sit together having a drink or watching TV for a few minutes before going to bed. Weekends are precious and we do things with the kids such as I'll take them to golf lessons while she potters around the house having more "me time". We had a great social life and she is not short of friends. She does agree that it's like being on holidays and I've tried to do all I can to make life easy for her. I can see that she may be bored as she is highly intelligent and have suggested that she gets a full time job rather than working 10 hours a week.

I don't consider myself as a bad husband but we are both busy people and I suppose we don't make enough time for each other. I think we have drifted apart and not fulfilling each others (or our own) needs. I do work hard only so that we can have this fantastic lifestyle and she looks after the kids. 

With regards to the emails, I believe she is still in contact and has assured me that nothing is or will be going on. There is a seed of doubt there as the content was fairly explicit. Her remark is that it is only flirting but the line has been crossed and currently don't feel I can trust her. She also says that she has lots in common with this other man and that they are only friends. She knows how heartboken I am about this awful mess.


----------

