# What's the biggest mistake you see men make?



## DoF

I think by far it's thinking with their private part/penis. I've seen SO many men just be blinded thinking with their ****s.

2nd biggest mistake, thinking with heart. It's far better than thinking with the penis IMO but still rather dangerous.

So my best advice, think with your brain fellas. It's the only part of your body that should be used to make sound decisions.


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## okeydokie

Being too nice


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## ScarletBegonias

Being too nice to women who don't deserve it.


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## DoF

ScarletBegonias said:


> Being too nice to women who don't deserve it.


As if being too nice to women that deserve it is any better.....

:scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias

DoF said:


> As if being too nice to women that deserve it is any better.....
> 
> :scratchhead:


To me,if you have a great partner there is no such thing as being too nice to them.DH and I happen to be extremely nice to each other bc there's trust.We trust that our niceness won't be taken for granted or abused.


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## lifeistooshort

Choosing a life partner based on how hot she is or how good in bed she is. Then they b!tch and moan when she turns out to be a less than stellar person.
Well yeah, maybe if you evaluated what kind of person she really was you'd have seen that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man

Men being pissy , whiny and passive aggressive.

They always end up loosing.


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## jerry123

Letting a woman walk all over him. 


Sadly it's portrayed in the media and tv shows as the norm. 

I see it in commercials also. There was a fast food one that comes to mind. The wife was literally bashing her husband and making him look dumb. And he just sat there and took it. SMH
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF

lifeistooshort said:


> Choosing a life partner based on how hot she is or how good in bed she is. Then they b!tch and moan when she turns out to be a less than stellar person.
> Well yeah, maybe if you evaluated what kind of person she really was you'd have seen that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I call that "thinking with your ****"


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## unbelievable

Entering into partnerships in which they are guaranteed to lose at least 50% of their property in exchange for absolutely zero guaranteed, specified, or even implied performance of any description from their partner.


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## lifeistooshort

DoF said:


> I call that "thinking with your ****"


Fair enough  

"Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I'll show you someone that's tired of putting up with her sh!t"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiltshireman

Personally the biggest mistake I ever made was to ignore my father’s advice that if I was set on a military career to finish my education and then take officer entry.

I did it my way, joined at 16 1/2 straight from School and served 10 year enlisted. Whilst I did enjoy my time I came out without a pension and without higher educational qualifications to fall back on all though I did have my trade training as a medic (equivalent to civilian paramedic / EMT).

Still that is water long under the bridge so I live in the present and for the future. To do otherwise would be foolish.


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## Caribbean Man

DoF said:


> I call that "thinking with your ****"


I see quite a lot of it in real life and even here on TAM.
Lol, a man trying to impress a woman making himself look silly in the process.

I think the most pathetic display by far is when an much older , mature man tries to impress an eighteen yr old girl , or twenty something year old girl .
And they _still_, always end up loosing.

Men ought to know that they shouldn't be " doing things" to impress women.
It's either she's impressed with you or not.

But that too, is part of the " thinking with your di*k" syndrome.
Funny thing is , the aveage woman knows exactly when a guy's thinking with his di*k , and they laugh...


At him.


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## lifeistooshort

Caribbean Man said:


> I see quite a lot of it in real life and even here on TAM.
> Lol, a man trying to impress a woman making himself look silly in the process.
> 
> I think the most pathetic display by far is when an much older , mature man tries to impress an eighteen yr old girl , or twenty something year old girl .
> And they _still_, always end up loosing.


I find it disturbing that time and time again here on TAM, hurt men are advised to get someone younger and hotter, presumably to stroke his bruised ego and stick it to his ex. Nobody ever tells him to find a woman of character so that he might avoid going through the same thing again. Now if said woman of character happens to be younger and hotter so be it.....but just pick another one based on hotness and you give up your right to b!tch if she turns out to be one.

So many men seem to think that they can choose a partner based on shallow criteria, but if she turns out to be shallow they're huge victims. It's an unacknowledged double standard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy

1. Marrying a "good" woman in the expectation that she'll become highly sexual, instead of a woman you already know is a sexual person, who is also compatible. :scratchhead:

2. Marrying!


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## tornado

That's my take also. Men confuse lusting somebody with loving somebody. Alot of men fall in love the second they have sex with a female. Its not really love, wait a little while and it will pass.


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## DarkHoly

Listening to their wives.


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## Caribbean Man

DarkHoly said:


> Listening to their wives.


Huh?
Why do you say that?
Can you explain?

I always listen to my wife , but I guess that's after years of being with her.

Didn't start off that way though, but I learned from experience.

Most older men I know always tell me ; " _listen to your wife._"


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## DoF

unbelievable said:


> Entering into partnerships in which they are guaranteed to lose at least 50% of their property in exchange for absolutely zero guaranteed, specified, or even implied performance of any description from their partner.


This falls within "thinking with their penis (or heart)" as well


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## DoF

tornado said:


> That's my take also. Men confuse lusting somebody with loving somebody. Alot of men fall in love the second they have sex with a female. Its not really love, wait a little while and it will pass.


Better yet, don't sleep with people you hardly know and kick your feelings into overdrive (read: skip vital parts/foundations of a relationship).

hehe


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## 6301

Having to here that same old bull $h!t over and over again. "You got to be a man!" 

Doesn't matter what terrible thing happens in your life, "you gotta be a man" comes up and what that means is being denied to have or show too much emotion for fear of being called less of a man. 

Doesn't matter if it's a death. Be a man and suck it up and hold back the tears. Break a leg and you leg bone is sticking out through the skin. Rub dirt on it and get back in there. No time to feel pain.

Part of the problem is in a lot of cases, we bring it on ourselves because "you gotta be a man," and real men don't show emotion.

Truth be told, I broke my leg, and lost loved ones and it really hurts. But then....................I'M A MAN! An old one but none the less, a man


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## arbitrator

*Of not rationally thinking with their gut instincts, whether it is either about their choice of a marriage partner, or whether it is not exercising that "gut instinct" when their spouse is either covertly or overtly being unfaithful to them!*


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## DoF

lifeistooshort said:


> I find it disturbing that time and time again here on TAM, hurt men are advised to get someone younger and hotter, presumably to stroke his bruised ego and stick it to his ex. Nobody ever tells him to find a woman of character so that he might avoid going through the same thing again. Now if said woman of character happens to be younger and hotter so be it.....but just pick another one based on hotness and you give up your right to b!tch if she turns out to be one.
> 
> So many men seem to think that they can choose a partner based on shallow criteria, but if she turns out to be shallow they're huge victims. It's an unacknowledged double standard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This falls into "judging the book by it's cover" and we all know that the prettier the book cover the more crap there is to find out behind the curtains (and ohhhh SO often it's a one ugly book).

This also falls into "thinking with your penis", no question about that.

Man simply get blindsided with their private parts.


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## StayInIt

Neglecting their health, both physical and mental. Men in my family tend to suffer through problems and get help too late. Pleas take care of yourself, guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF

6301 said:


> Having to here that same old bull $h!t over and over again. "You got to be a man!"
> 
> Doesn't matter what terrible thing happens in your life, "you gotta be a man" comes up and what that means is being denied to have or show too much emotion for fear of being called less of a man.
> 
> Doesn't matter if it's a death. Be a man and suck it up and hold back the tears. Break a leg and you leg bone is sticking out through the skin. Rub dirt on it and get back in there. No time to feel pain.
> 
> Part of the problem is in a lot of cases, we bring it on ourselves because "you gotta be a man," and real men don't show emotion.
> 
> Truth be told, I broke my leg, and lost loved ones and it really hurts. But then....................I'M A MAN! An old one but none the less, a man


I completely ignore this sort of crap.

I also find myself to be VERY emotional and open about it. I don't really give a **** who thinks I'm a man or not. 

I don't worry about things I don't control (other people's mind for example).

Man is defined by their WORD, not their emotion or how much they are willing to show.

As long as I know I'm a man, that's all that matters. What society paints of me is completely irrelevant and stupid.


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## tornado

*Re: Re: What's the biggest mistake you see men make?*



DoF said:


> This falls into "judging the book by it's cover" and we all know that the prettier the book cover the more crap there is to find out behind the curtains (and ohhhh SO often it's a one ugly book).
> 
> This also falls into "thinking with your penis", no question about that.
> 
> Man simply get blindsided with their private parts.


Every time you see a drop dead gorgeous woman just remember, somewhere there is a man that is tired of her sh!t.


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## ocotillo

Being afraid of going to the doctor.

--Sounds ridiculous, but I see so much of it


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## DoF

tornado said:


> Every time you see a drop dead gorgeous woman just remember, somewhere there is a man that is tired of her sh!t.




I like that


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## ReformedHubby

The biggest mistake I see is subtle verbal abuse of their spouse. Not an all out verbal assault, but little nit picks here and there over time. This is a good way to end up with a walkaway wife.


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## Wolf1974

jerry123 said:


> Letting a woman walk all over him.
> 
> 
> Sadly it's portrayed in the media and tv shows as the norm.
> 
> I see it in commercials also. There was a fast food one that comes to mind. The wife was literally bashing her husband and making him look dumb. And he just sat there and took it. SMH
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Truth


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## ntamph

ocotillo said:


> Being afraid of going to the doctor.
> 
> --Sounds ridiculous, but I see so much of it


Amen.


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## Runs like Dog

Worrying about someone else's artificial and arbitrary standards especially as they apply to that 'one big thing you fail at'.


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## Caribbean Man

Managing money badly.

Especially when we're young.

Somehow, overall , women seem to be better at managing theirs and their family's financial resources.

I know for sure it happened to me.


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## Mr The Other

Caribbean Man said:


> I see quite a lot of it in real life and even here on TAM.
> Lol, a man trying to impress a woman making himself look silly in the process.
> 
> I think the most pathetic display by far is when an much older , mature man tries to impress an eighteen yr old girl , or twenty something year old girl .
> And they _still_, always end up loosing.
> 
> Men ought to know that they shouldn't be " doing things" to impress women.
> It's either she's impressed with you or not.
> 
> But that too, is part of the " thinking with your di*k" syndrome.
> Funny thing is , the aveage woman knows exactly when a guy's thinking with his di*k , and they laugh...
> 
> 
> At him.


I think young women are generally impressed by older men, unless the man does something really undignified like desperately trying to impress a young girl.


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## Mr The Other

6301 said:


> Having to here that same old bull $h!t over and over again. "You got to be a man!"
> 
> ....


A very good point.


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## xakulax

My list 

1.Being too nice


2.Taking good things for granted


3.Poor grooming habits


4.Not knowing how to talk to a woman


5.Arrogance


6.Being too selfish


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## Catherine602

Feeling that their SAHM wife accrues debts because he supports the family. 

Unfortunately, a disconnect is almost guaranteed because the SAHM is unlikely to agree.


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## CharlotteMcdougall

Mr The Other said:


> I think young women are generally impressed by older men, unless the man does something really undignified like desperately trying to impress a young girl.


I've always preferred older men. I also have enough experience to know that there are certain pitfalls that come with dating and marrying an older partner.

The biggest mistake men make is not appreciating a good woman until it is too late. This is often illustrated with elaborate efforts to win women back.


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## BackwardFizz

Forgetting the power of a random kiss and that a hug without words can often cure a hundred woes.


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## Mr The Other

BackwardFizz said:


> Forgetting the power of a random kiss and that a hug without words can often cure a hundred woes.


Linked to the power of not talking. A nice one.


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## Chuck71

reliving mistakes / not learning from them


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## Caribbean Man

Chuck71 said:


> reliving mistakes / not learning from them


:iagree:

I think that is a common one that affects both genders , but since the thread is about mistakes men make , it is a quite applicable.

Some men go through life and relationships making the same mistakes thinking the problem is with other people and not them. 
If you keep attracting negative people in your life then the problem isn't with them but you.
Change is the only constant in life.

" _When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps."_
~Confucius


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## Sandfly

Men take words at face value when it fits what they want to believe, and they are capable of ignoring a lot of clues.

There was some fellow here the other day saying that his wife was watching a lot of lesbian porn, but that this was OK, because lots of heterosexual women do that, it doesn't make them gay, right? Right? lol You could just imagine this fella trying to rationalise his wife's disturbing behaviour, and all she had to do was fling him a made-up statistic for him to run with it


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## struggle

Always trying to "fix" problems, when women are having emotional moments. Instead of just holding us and telling us it's going to be ok...
Sometimes listening is needed more than anything.

My dad drives me absolutely batty with that one lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BackwardFizz

Why is "silence" so powerful for men? I always seem to get the best results from my husband when I just keep quiet regardless of the situation. Just hard to do sometimes when emotions take over....I often kick myself later because I know especially when tensions are running high silence always wins and gets the better response.


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## BackwardFizz

I find that when I actually say this to my husband it works wonders and he almost sighs with relief. This is one of the things men do best....they "fix" things and most of the time communicate for a purpose....not just for the sake of communicating like most women do. But when I tell him, I don't need a quick-fix....just venting right now and need a hug....he seems to appreciate it.


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## hookares

I can only speak of my past experience.
My major problem was thinking that my ex wife valued me as much as I valued her.It took two decades to discover that that wasn't the case.


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## SimplyAmorous

I asked my Husband what HE feels is the biggest mistake men make (in regards to women, I think I added this).....

His answer >> They are not sensitive enough to the woman's feelings...



DoF said:


> I think by far it's thinking with their private part/penis. I've seen SO many men just be blinded thinking with their ****s.
> 
> *2nd biggest mistake, thinking with heart. It's far better than thinking with the penis IMO but still rather dangerous*.
> 
> So my best advice, think with your brain fellas. It's the only part of your body that should be used to make sound decisions.


My H wore his heart on his sleeve when we met, he was so obvious.. I'd see this huge grin in the hallways at school...but I was friendly / talkative ...to encourage him on... 

I felt very loved/ wanted in his life...I latched on.. It's really what won me over.....if I felt he just wanted my body ...or he was lacking in emotion.....feeling a little romance was foolish...I would have kept looking & probably found someone else..

Women are all different, depending on where they came from & what they deeply want....I came from a lousy family life & was seeking a GOOD guy... someone who really cared, I could trust with my heart.

He gave me everything I was looking for ....he was ALL in.. not like so many young men -who just want to party or get off...he had right intentions from the very beginning.

Some may say that is being too Nice ... too putting the woman on a pedestal.. all the things TAM warns men is "relationship suicide"...mine did those...and I loved him for it.

What do I feel men do wrong...overlooking character for Looks.....Not deeply listening to their women...we need to feel heard & understood...before you try to fix...not forgetting how important affection is to us, Some Romance, along with the sex. 



> *BackwardFizz said*: Forgetting the power of a random kiss and that a hug without words can often cure a hundred woes.


 I like this post...:smthumbup: we women notice *the little things*....we can be emotional, sensitive, so these gestures of the heart... it carries us through the day... some of this is Love languages...not forgetting what hers is..cause when she feels slighted.... this could play out in a myriad of ways .


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## jld

Putting their pride first and taking things personally. I see a lot of that on TAM. Instead of really listening to what someone might be saying, they take offense right away. 

So often what hurts our feelings has at least some truth to it. If we can be humble and listen to that truth, we can learn and grow.


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## Kahlil Gibran

lifeistooshort said:


> Choosing a life partner based on how hot she is or how good in bed she is. Then they b!tch and moan when she turns out to be a less than stellar person.
> Well yeah, maybe if you evaluated what kind of person she really was you'd have seen that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed.
Sadly, its the rare 18-25 year-old guy that has that much foresight. The ratio of “hot” women vs. sweet and caring is 10 times larger. Add to the mix everything seen in the media and encouraged by the peer group to get the “hot” girl and you got a formula for doom.


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## Racer

DarkHoly said:


> Listening to their wives.


Dark never expanded why... but I'm in that camp too.

Listening to their wives and trying to be the man she says she wants instead of continuing to grow and be the man you are. She should bring out the best in you, not 'mold you' into her idea of a fictional character based on fantasy.

Too many, wanting to be the best for her, loose themselves shooting for that ideal vision of what she says she wants. Good luck getting a wife to admit she is actually more attracted to man who challenges when he should challenge rather than rolls over every time to please her. A marriage needs equality, not servitude.


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## Racer

Oh, and lol.... 
Don't marry the first girl who screws your brains out.


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## arbitrator

*Trusting their partner, but failing to verify!*


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## Faithful Wife

Racer said:


> Dark never expanded why... but I'm in that camp too.
> 
> Listening to their wives and trying to be the man she says she wants instead of continuing to grow and be the man you are. She should bring out the best in you, not 'mold you' into her idea of a fictional character based on fantasy.
> 
> Too many, wanting to be the best for her, loose themselves shooting for that ideal vision of what she says she wants. Good luck getting a wife to admit she is actually more attracted to man who challenges when he should challenge rather than rolls over every time to please her. A marriage needs equality, not servitude.


What if your wife really does know you and really does know where you can/could grow? And what if you know the same about her, and you two can help be each other's guidance on how to become better spouses to each other, and even better people in general?

Then it would be different, right?


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## jld

Great post, FW. You are so wise.


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## ntamph

This applies to both genders:

Not being able to sit down and have a deep, productive conversation wherein you REALLY LISTEN to your partner and TRY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN to understand how, what and why they are feeling/thinking the way they are and then acting based on solid communication.


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## Anon Pink

Racer said:


> Oh, and lol....
> Don't marry the first girl who screws your brains out.


My father used to say that!

My late brother was a prime example of this mistake! He shouldda listened to his father!


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## 45188

Thinking with their dong, for sure.


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## WyshIknew

Racer said:


> Oh, and lol....
> Don't marry the first girl who screws your brains out.


Damn.

I did.


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## Racer

Faithful Wife said:


> What if your wife really does know you and really does know where you can/could grow? And what if you know the same about her, and you two can help be each other's guidance on how to become better spouses to each other, and even better people in general?
> 
> Then it would be different, right?


Nope. The difference is whether it's your own version of yourself and your direction is the reason for that decision. 

So maybe I should rephrase. It's not so much "don't listen to your wife" as it is "don't stop listening to yourself". Your spouse should have some influence, but not be the decision maker about who you need to be. Your primary influence should be what you see when you look in the mirror... not how others see you.


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## SimplyAmorous

Racer said:


> Dark never expanded why... but I'm in that camp too.
> 
> Listening to their wives and trying to be the man she says she wants instead of continuing to grow and be the man you are. *She should bring out the best in you*, not 'mold you' into her idea of a fictional character based on fantasy.


 Yes, we should bring out the best in each other....I don't think either side should mold or BEND when Love & respect are being screwed with -by our attitudes.... Never should we be OK with this.... 

This needs called out on the table...to be dealt with.... otherwise...one can only keep such a charade up for so long...and resentment will overtake such a person...and rightly so...



> *ntamph said*: This applies to both genders:
> 
> Not being able to sit down and have a deep, productive conversation wherein you REALLY LISTEN to your partner and TRY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN to understand how, what and why they are feeling/thinking the way they are and then acting based on solid communication.


:iagree: 

Becoming more self aware...owning our own faults before the other..in that communication....carrying an interdependent mindset always in this .....that we are there to help each other in all things, *we are a TEAM*....we will halt before we'll blatantly go against what our partner is counting on or what we've promised, but do our all to bring harmony on the home front...



> *Racer said*: Too many, wanting to be the best for her, loose themselves shooting for that ideal vision of what she says she wants. Good luck getting a wife to admit she is actually more attracted to man who challenges when he should challenge rather than rolls over every time to please her. * A marriage needs equality, not servitude*.


 A woman needs to feel *Loved*, a man needs to feel *Respected*... so they say... I asked my husband this once and he felt they were the same thing.. I don't know.


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## Faithful Wife

Racer said:


> Nope. The difference is whether it's your own version of yourself and your direction is the reason for that decision.
> 
> So maybe I should rephrase. It's not so much "don't listen to your wife" as it is "don't stop listening to yourself". Your spouse should have some influence, but not be the decision maker about who you need to be. Your primary influence should be what you see when you look in the mirror... not how others see you.


Right. But if a man hadn't "lost himself" in that way, and if he already had a strong sense of himself and he wasn't prone to letting someone else define him...then he could/should be open to at LOT of influence from his wife, and she should from him as well. So if we look at it assuming two healthy people first, we don't need to also say "to thine own self be true"...it should be obvious.

What I am getting at is that sometimes, even a very healthy person can look in the mirror and see someone who doesn't need improvements...yet their spouse will see someone different.


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## Lyris

Murdering people. Oh and raping. And starting wars.


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## ConanHub

Cooking with beer on a gas grill?...... Or is that just me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF

ConanHub said:


> Cooking with beer on a gas grill?...... Or is that just me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LMAO, good one.

Heck, forget about beer. Cooking on gas grill = DIW

:scratchhead:


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## Catherine602

Deep frying the thanksgiving turkey on the deck.


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## Catherine602

Buying off-label bourbon instead of Jack Daniel Reserve. Makes the Lynchburg lemonade taste like day old pee. (not that I have ever had day old pee )


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## Mr The Other

Catherine602 said:


> Buying off-label bourbon instead of Jack Daniel's Reserve. Makes the Lynchburg lemonade taste like day old pee. (not that I have ever had day old pee )


There are Europeans on this board. Jack Daniel's Reserve is not a good thing.


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## TopsyTurvy5

Being too nice

Staying with a partner that doesn't make him happy/satisfy his needs

Staying with a partner that has to be treated like a princess, but treats him like crap. (Women on TAM are currently shaking their head and saying, "That's not me!"

Listening to other men try to tell them how "manly" they should be. 

Thinking that being alpha will get, keep, and sustain a relationship. Most of the time, that just isn't true. Sex? Maybe, but that is about it. 

Thinking that a sexual woman is one who lets them have sex with her. Stop treating sex as some prize you are incredibly grateful to receive. Trust me, there are plenty of women you can have sex with it. It really shouldn't be treated as a holy grail, while the woman treats it as a favor or chore. Self respect, it's a great thing.


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## Mr The Other

Wearing a tux to get married.

It is not just a convention, white men (just on account of being white rather than any USA cultural thing) look palid in bright light with a black and white suit of any description. Therefore, muted colours work far better.

Morning wear is simply better for the occasion, or an elegant business suit.

Sorry.


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## love=pain

Not sure there is enough band width for the biggest mistakes men can make just the few I care to share from my experience.

Look at her parent's relationship before you marry no matter how much she hates the things the have done to her or each other there is a good chance she will repeat that same behavior.
Don't believe that working hard to provide for your family will ever be all that is required nor will it guarantee a happy marriage or family.

Happiness is a drug maybe the most addictive drug there is and people will hurt your feelings, disrespect you and break your heart in order to get their fix (no matter how wrong their choice is), those people being your spouse and children-be the first to forgive and the last to leave.

Don't let stubbornness be a character flaw, used properly it can show your strength abuse it an your're just an a$$.

The words you say may cost more than you can ever repay, think twice speak once.


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## love=pain

Catherine602 said:


> Buying off-label bourbon instead of Jack Daniel's Reserve. Makes the Lynchburg lemonade taste like day old pee. (not that I have ever had day old pee )


While I do occasionally like a lemonade or jack and coke I try to stay true.

Mixing anything with a good bourbon other than maybe an ice cube


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## DoF

Catherine602 said:


> Buying off-label bourbon instead of Jack Daniel's Reserve. Makes the Lynchburg lemonade taste like day old pee. (not that I have ever had day old pee )


Here is a new one.

Drinking/Alcoholism


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## ReformedHubby

Mr The Other said:


> There are Europeans on this board. Jack Daniel's Reserve is not a good thing.


LOL, you don't have to be European to feel that way.


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## ConanHub

Catherine602 said:


> Deep frying the thanksgiving turkey on the deck.


LOL! !!

You're giving me bad ideas! Fortunately, my wife will not let me near the Turkey on Thanksgiving. Gave me the laugh of the day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby

Overdoing it when wooing a young lady is another one.

You should of course be a gentleman and respectful, but what's with all the gifts and over the top romantic antics? Aren't you enough for her? 

I was at a bar the other day (yes I know a lot of my posts originate from bars, its part of the job). I saw a young man bring the hostess a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. She hugs him and goes nuts, the waitresses are all complimenting her on the shoes. I ask the bartender how long they've been together. The bartender says "they're not together, he just likes her, she sees him as more of a friend". I'm not saying gifts are bad, but if you start off that high where do you go from there?


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## jld

RH, I don't think they feel secure in themselves. Definitely, they don't think they by themselves are enough.


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## Caribbean Man

I know this one would ruffle some feathers , but I feel very strongly about it.

Being unable to cook or find their way around the kitchen.

One of the best things my mother ever taught me was how to cook ever since I was around 10 years old. From that day i developed a love affair with the kitchen, and still love it to this day.
Being unable to cook would make you helpless if your woman left you. Knowing how to cook makes you a great asset to any woman.
It's a win - win scenario.

It has helped me tremendously with ladies before I was married and definitely was one of the things that got my wife hooked.

Knowing your wines, how to pair them and so forth , also says a lot about a man when he takes a woman out to a fancy restaurant on a dinner date.

But_ cooking for her_ and inviting her to your place on a fancy dinner date , is the ultimate statement of eligibility if you are a bachelor.

It is never too late to learn how to cook and not hard to develop a signature dish of your own.


----------



## samyeagar

Caribbean Man said:


> I know this one would ruffle some feathers , but I feel very strongly about it.
> 
> Being unable to cook or find their way around the kitchen.
> 
> One of the best things my mother ever taught me was how to cook ever since I was around 10 years old. From that day i developed a love affair with the kitchen, and still love it to this day.
> Being unable to cook would make you helpless if your woman left you. Knowing how to cook makes you a great asset to any woman.
> It's a win - win scenario.
> 
> It has helped me tremendously with ladies before I was married and definitely was one of the things that got my wife hooked.
> 
> Knowing your wines, how to pair them and so forth , also says a lot about a man when he takes a woman out to a fancy restaurant on a dinner date.
> 
> But_ cooking for her_ and inviting her to your place on a fancy dinner date , is the ultimate statement of eligibility if you are a bachelor.
> 
> It is never too late to learn how to cook and not hard to develop a signature dish of your own.


Ahh yes...knowing how to cook...that's what helped me get into the pants of my now ex wife, and with my STBW, I do most of the cooking, but we are in the kitchen together most of the time. Great quality time together. She's often commented how hot she finds it when I am cooking.

I'm sure CM can relate to this, but there are several things that I regularly make for us that are high end restaurant quality, and yes, women love a man who can cook.


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## DoF

Caribbean Man said:


> I know this one would ruffle some feathers , but I feel very strongly about it.
> 
> Being unable to cook or find their way around the kitchen.
> 
> One of the best things my mother ever taught me was how to cook ever since I was around 10 years old. From that day i developed a love affair with the kitchen, and still love it to this day.
> Being unable to cook would make you helpless if your woman left you. Knowing how to cook makes you a great asset to any woman.
> It's a win - win scenario.
> 
> It has helped me tremendously with ladies before I was married and definitely was one of the things that got my wife hooked.
> 
> Knowing your wines, how to pair them and so forth , also says a lot about a man when he takes a woman out to a fancy restaurant on a dinner date.
> 
> But_ cooking for her_ and inviting her to your place on a fancy dinner date , is the ultimate statement of eligibility if you are a bachelor.
> 
> It is never too late to learn how to cook and not hard to develop a signature dish of your own.


This is great advice IMO.

I have recently (1 year ago) really gotten into cooking (Cast iron/charcoal grill mostly) and have really enjoyed it. My wife has also enjoyed the few extra days a week she doesn't have ALL the weight of cooking on her shoulders.

I just wish my parents taught me a bit more like your mom did. Even though I had to make meals for myself at a VERY young age, I was never really "taught" kind of left to do for myself.

But yeah, I really enjoy cooking now. 

:smthumbup:


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## tulsy

Caribbean Man said:


> I know this one would ruffle some feathers , but I feel very strongly about it.
> 
> Being unable to cook or find their way around the kitchen.
> ...


I couldn't agree more. :smthumbup:


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## struggle

Wearing socks with sandals
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WyshIknew

Racer said:


> Oh, and lol....
> Don't marry the first girl who screws your brains out.





WyshIknew said:


> Damn.
> 
> I did.


Except for me it wasn't a mistake!


----------



## Mr The Other

Caribbean Man said:


> I know this one would ruffle some feathers , but I feel very strongly about it.
> 
> Being unable to cook or find their way around the kitchen.
> 
> One of the best things my mother ever taught me was how to cook ever since I was around 10 years old. From that day i developed a love affair with the kitchen, and still love it to this day.
> Being unable to cook would make you helpless if your woman left you. Knowing how to cook makes you a great asset to any woman.
> It's a win - win scenario.
> 
> It has helped me tremendously with ladies before I was married and definitely was one of the things that got my wife hooked.
> 
> Knowing your wines, how to pair them and so forth , also says a lot about a man when he takes a woman out to a fancy restaurant on a dinner date.
> 
> But_ cooking for her_ and inviting her to your place on a fancy dinner date , is the ultimate statement of eligibility if you are a bachelor.
> 
> It is never too late to learn how to cook and not hard to develop a signature dish of your own.


In England, if you ask who cooks the woman will always say that she cooks and could not trust her husband in the kitchen. In reality, it is fairly evenly split, but still the idea that the man does the occasional big meal and makes a mess is repeated. 

When I moved to Belgium, I heard the women say the same thing. I therefore assumed that cooking duties were evenly split and women just said they did everything. In reality, what Belgian women said as actually true. I had no idea until the second tiem I cooked for a woman I was courting. The first mean was elaborate, the second was just meat in a sauce with potatoes and veg. She watched me cook and tidy as I went almost open mouthed.

An English woman would have thought nothing of it, in Belgium it seemed to be a big deal. She never knew she wanted to be the man in relationships, but that was part of her finding out. It did not end well.


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## Lyris

Growing a beard


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## Faithful Wife

The biggest mistake I see men and women make is getting married too young.


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## tainted

Trying to have a relationship while in the military.


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## Catherine602

Mr The Other said:


> There are Europeans on this board. Jack Daniel's Reserve is not a good thing.


Mr The Other - The only alcohol I can drink strait is unblended Irish whisky, the the elixir of the angels.


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## Catherine602

ConanHub said:


> LOL! !!
> 
> You're giving me bad ideas! Fortunately, my wife will not let me near the Turkey on Thanksgiving. Gave me the laugh of the day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It happened. The turkey was still frozen on the inside and as a result, the oil sputtered all over the deck, house and doors. 

No live humans or animals were singed. The grease fire was impressive but not significant enough to burn down the whole house. 

The turkey looked pretty good when it was done, considering the source. Not that anyone ate it. The thing caused too much property damage to be treated to a festive celebration.


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## Ikaika

Not being a father to your children. And, it could be this way even if you are present. Be part of your children's lives.


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## MSP

Lyris said:


> Growing a beard


That's an even bigger mistake for women.


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## Holland

Lyris said:


> Growing a beard


Facial hair is the biggest trend ATM (for men), I for one love a man with a sexy as hell mo and small beard.

Some men look great with facial hair, usually the ones with inbuilt style. An unkempt or man with no style can't get away with a beard IMHO


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## Omego

Holland said:


> Facial hair is the biggest trend ATM (for men), I for one love a man with a sexy as hell mo and small beard.
> 
> Some men look great with facial hair, usually the ones with inbuilt style. An unkempt or man with no style can't get away with a beard IMHO


:iagree: Italians master that shabby/chic beard look very, very well.


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## whitehawk

Letting themselves be pushed into marriage and kids.
Only to watch that same girl that wanted all that so disparately once upon a time, midlifing and trying to be 16 again as she packs her bags 20 yrs later.

Get married only when and if YOU want to get married fellas .


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## TopsyTurvy5

Lyris said:


> Growing a beard


Beards, and we are talking trimmed, neat beards, rock. I get tons of compliments from ladies since I grew a beard.


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## Caribbean Man

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Beards, and we are talking trimmed, neat beards, rock. I get tons of compliments from ladies since I grew a beard.


Beards are definitely in , especially manly , well groomed beards, with low haircuts.


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## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Letting themselves be pushed into marriage and kids.
> 
> Get married only when and if YOU want to get married fellas


Eh. Personal accountability goes a long way. Most people get married because it's a choice they make to do so, not because somebody makes them.


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## Jellybeans

*What's the biggest mistake you see men make?*

Soul patches.


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## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. Personal accountability goes a long way. Most people get married because it's a choice they make to do so, not because somebody makes them.



Haha , love ya JB but l'm afraid that's the female version. Spend 10yrs as a male in your 20s and you'll see the real side .
Emotional blackmail, pushing , afraid of the C word that's a biggie, needs to grow up, you name it. 
Alot of the married guys l knew wouldn't have done it if not for the bs and aren't where they want to be.
l resisted for years and only married who and when l wanted to myself .


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## whitehawk

PS , went through a lot of crap though to save it , you wouldn't believe it .


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## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> *What's the biggest mistake you see men make?*
> 
> 
> 
> Soul patches.



What is a soul patch?


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## gbrad

drerio said:


> What is a soul patch?


Not a good look.


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## Satya

My bf sports a well kept beard. Seems he's had it pretty much since he could grow one. I probably wouldn't recognize him without it, but I find it very sexy and it suits him. 

I still maintain though, that men with beards have something to hide... ;-) 

A mistake I often see: being afraid of the word no. 

There are many attentive men I have seen get absolutely whipped by dominant women. Sometimes that is the desired way in a relationship, sometimes not. When I see a man look deflated in front of his woman because she has exerted some kind of control and can't let him lead, I feel embarrassed for him, especially if it happens in front of a crowd.


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## Applejuice

Satya said:


> ..I still maintain though, that men with beards have something to hide... ;-)


I know you said that in jest but where did that theory hail from? I suppose the same logic could be applied to women's cosmetics.


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## Caribbean Man

Applejuice said:


> I know you said that in jest but where did that theory hail from? I suppose the same logic could be applied to women's cosmetics.


Looks like _everyone, male & female _ has something to hide...


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## I Notice The Details

I see many men today failing to give 100% effort to what is important to them!

When you go the "extra mile" and put in extra effort, you will really stand out because most other people don't do this. So many people today are lazy and just do enough to get by in life. Don't settle for this. Don't be average!

This can apply to keeping your body healthy, keeping your relationships strong, or becoming very successful at your chosen career. Push yourself to become better...even if you just improve one small thing each day...the effort will pay off.


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## ConanHub

I Notice The Details said:


> I see many men today failing to give 100% effort to what is important to them!
> 
> When you go the "extra mile" and put in extra effort, you will really stand out because most other people don't do this. So many people today are lazy and just do enough to get by in life. Don't settle for this. Don't be average!
> 
> This can apply to keeping your body healthy, keeping your relationships strong, or becoming very successful at your chosen career. Push yourself to become better...even if you just improve one small thing each day...the effort will pay off.


Love this reminder. Sometimes I let life get me down and I don't try as hard as I should at a given task.

Great comment and advise.:smthumbup:


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## Satya

*Re: Re: What's the biggest mistake you see men make?*



Applejuice said:


> I know you said that in jest but where did that theory hail from? I suppose the same logic could be applied to women's cosmetics.


I heard it once and at the time I thought it was just a silly joke... 

Until I realized that all the men I've known with a full, proper beard are extremely quiet about their personal lives unless they feel very comfortable with the present company. It's also harder to read facial expressions, which I know my bf abuses on purpose to trick me into hamstering over things I say to him. The Muppet.


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## SurpriseMyself

Being afraid to grow. If you do what you've always done and go where you've always gone, you'll just get more of what you already had in the places you've already been. That's as true of going inside himself as it is trying something adventurous and new.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuclearnightmare

Not insisting on clear communication from their wives....


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## bkaydezz

I have the, do not think before you speak syndrome.

My feelings just sort of pour out of me and then I look like, well what does stupid look like? Ah! I am trying not to say much. I just don't think it even does much good. 

Also, I have become more selfish. I just get fed up real quick. No patience I guess.


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## Marduk

#1 Letting themselves go. My god, put on pair of well fitting jeans and a decent t-shirt or something and you're already doing better than 90% of the guys I see. Hitting the gym a few times a week, eating right... and the wonderful clarity that brings to your mind.

#2 For me -- and YMMV -- I found I needed to think less and act more. This included just blurting stuff out.

I tend to overthink and as a consequence ended up walking on eggshells with my wife. No more. I say what I think and I think what I say. She knows where I stand on everything that matters to me, even if we disagree.

I just find the things we disagree on don't matter much to me, or usually for her for that matter. But we know where each other stands.


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## Marduk

ebp123 said:


> Being afraid to grow. If you do what you've always done and go where you've always gone, you'll just get more of what you already had in the places you've already been. That's as true of going inside himself as it is trying something adventurous and new.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh my god yes and this.

Why is it that many wives seem to think it's their job to grow as human beings and many husbands think it's their job to be the steady as a rock straight and narrow unchanging face of a mountain?

We have to change and grow too. Even if it scares our wives.


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## bkaydezz

(I feel like a moron right now) I did not read the title right. I am not a man :rofl:

Sorry guys :/


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## I Notice The Details

bkaydezz said:


> (I feel like a moron right now) I did not read the title right. I am not a man :rofl:
> 
> Sorry guys :/


Hi BKAYDEZZ...you can still give us your opinion on the question. 

It is for everyone to answer. :smthumbup:


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## bkaydezz

I Notice The Details said:


> Hi BKAYDEZZ...you can still give us your opinion on the question.
> 
> It is for everyone to answer. :smthumbup:


But...It says MAN!?
:scratchhead:

Thank you though! 
Christian Bale....


----------



## ChargingCharlie

tornado said:


> That's my take also. Men confuse lusting somebody with loving somebody. Alot of men fall in love the second they have sex with a female. Its not really love, wait a little while and it will pass.


:iagree: Wife and I got physical right away, and looking back, I would not have done this as it really clouded my judgement. Now I realize that I'm married to an insecure, asexual, immature woman in her late 40's that I really couldn't care two hoots about most of the time and look forward to the times when she's not around. Weird thing is, it took having kids to make me realize this.


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## Jellybeans

ChargingCharlie said:


> Now I realize that I'm married to an insecure, asexual, immature woman in her late 40's that I really couldn't care two hoots about most of the time and look forward to the times when she's not around.


Well that sounds romantic.


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## sinnister

Jellybeans said:


> Well that sounds romantic.


:rofl:


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Jellybeans said:


> Well that sounds romantic.


Just speaking the truth. She just got home and I'm like "Crap!". Now it will proceed to non-stop stress, nagging, her complaining about how tired she is, etc., and yes, I do bite back at her when she does this, not that it helps.


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## jld

Charlie, how about doing the 180?


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## Jayg14

lifeistooshort said:


> I find it disturbing that time and time again here on TAM, hurt men are advised to get someone younger and hotter, presumably to stroke his bruised ego and stick it to his ex. Nobody ever tells him to find a woman of character so that he might avoid going through the same thing again. Now if said woman of character happens to be younger and hotter so be it.....but just pick another one based on hotness and you give up your right to b!tch if she turns out to be one.
> 
> So many men seem to think that they can choose a partner based on shallow criteria, but if she turns out to be shallow they're huge victims. It's an unacknowledged double standard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is so true. I found a high quality woman of character. She isn't Helen of Troy but she is beautiful inside and out. AND she's had a thing for me since college! We have the type of relationship I pictured in my mind, the one that my parents today (and have had for 39 years). A woman of character is key. Now, there is nothing wrong with a few romps in the sack with younger and hotter women, but if you want to be in a relationship, a woman of character is key.


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## RandomDude

DoF said:


> I think by far it's thinking with their private part/penis. I've seen SO many men just be blinded thinking with their ****s.
> 
> 2nd biggest mistake, thinking with heart. It's far better than thinking with the penis IMO but still rather dangerous.
> 
> So my best advice, think with your brain fellas. It's the only part of your body that should be used to make sound decisions.


I disagree for some folks, like myself - who tend to think too much!


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## NoWhere

Noticed a lot of women saying being too nice. Can people explain this. Being nice and being a nice guy who's passive aggressive are two different things. Seems this is the type of stuff that fuels the 'women like to be treated badly' myth. What is the opposite of being nice you hope your man is?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

There's nothing wrong with being nice and there's no such thing as being too nice to a partner who returns that same niceness and deserves it,IMO.


----------



## naiveonedave

Too nice - doing way more than your share of the lifting.
Nice - doing your share or just a little more than your share on average.
Not nice enough- not doing your share ever.


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## Tall Average Guy

Faithful Wife said:


> What I am getting at is that sometimes, even a very healthy person can look in the mirror and see someone who doesn't need improvements...yet their spouse will see someone different.


If the spouse see him that way, why does she stick around?


----------



## over20

NoWhere said:


> Noticed a lot of women saying being too nice. Can people explain this. Being nice and being a nice guy who's passive aggressive are two different things. Seems this is the type of stuff that fuels the 'women like to be treated badly' myth. What is the opposite of being nice you hope your man is?


Good point. IMO, it's relevant to being a "Gentle Giant." A very honorable man is kind and helps the less fortunate and serves. He also knows how to be very masculine by NOT letting people walk all over him by being a strong LEADER confident in his convictions. This is my hubs to a T.


----------



## kilgore

biggest mistake - sending SO nude pics taken in a chilly room. LOL


----------



## over20

BackwardFizz said:


> Why is "silence" so powerful for men? I always seem to get the best results from my husband when I just keep quiet regardless of the situation. Just hard to do sometimes when emotions take over....I often kick myself later because I know especially when tensions are running high silence always wins and gets the better response.


I agree. I have come to admire and respect that in my hubs...a sign he is "thinking and solving"....I actually find it sexy...


----------



## NoWhere

naiveonedave said:


> Too nice - doing way more than your share of the lifting.
> Nice - doing your share or just a little more than your share on average.
> Not nice enough- not doing your share ever.


 See I'm too busy to weigh am I doing too much for the one I love. "nice Guys' are passive aggressive in the sense they do nice things expecting something in return and grow angry when that reward never comes to pass. As far as my girlfriend she can do housework and other nice stuff for me and I'm always grateful. I do lots of things for her and around the house because I just do. The whole too nice thing seems juvenile to me. As if one party is constantly evaluating the other. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone like that. Life's too short for such trivial drama. Just my opinion.


----------



## I Notice The Details

I do worry about the very young men right now who are so obsessed with their phones. I see my 13 year old son so engrossed with communicating on his "electronic device" every day. Yes, there is a place for that, but it should be kept in balance.

I am trying my best, as his Dad, to make sure he can verbally communicate well with everyone, and offer people more than electronic text message responses. 

Life is still about making connections with people. Just my opinion.


----------



## Wolf1974

ScarletBegonias said:


> There's nothing wrong with being nice and there's no such thing as being too nice to a partner who returns that same niceness and deserves it,IMO.


I agree. I hate the way NICE GUY gets lampooned on here. I am a nice guy but I refuse to be a doormat and not stand up for myself. *Doormat* and *nice guy* get interchanged on here but hey are no where near the same thing. I have also been a doormat in a relationship to try and hold on to her. It's disastrous. So be nice but don't forget you have a backbone and your needs and wants are relevant and important as well


----------



## chillymorn

getting married without a prenuptial agreement. following instead of leading


----------



## richie33

Staying too long in a bad marriage.


----------



## movealong

Allowing themselves to be changed by the women they love. A lot of men will change according to what their SO asks of them. This is a mistake. She married you as is and you should be true to yourself. That does not mean 'not' making positive changes when called for, but trying to please a woman is akin to herding cats...it's just not possible.

Be the best man you can be and if she wants you to change, really examine what she is asking of you. If it is a positive change for _you_, do it. If it is not a positive thing for you, or you are just doing it to please her, then don't.

To thine own self be true.


----------



## Zouz

expecting from a woman what she can not give .
and taking love as a granted homework.


----------



## Wiltshireman

The biggest relationship mistake I see made (by both genders) is to mistake LUST for LOVE and WANT for NEED.


----------



## convert

Not listening to their wife, we hear them but we sometimes do not listen to them

and/or we hear and we want to fix the problem but all they want sometimes is for us to just listen to them


----------



## Sunburn

#1 Marrying too young
#2 Not using birth control
#3 Not getting a secondary education


----------



## DoF

Sunburn said:


> #1 Marrying too young
> #2 Not using birth control
> #3 Not getting a secondary education


I've made ALL of these mistakes and turned out JUST fine and had a successful marriage AND career.

So no, I wouldn't say that's the BIGGEST mistake men make....not at all.

Believe it or not, those 3 actually SAVED my life. If my daughter wasn't born, based on where most of my friends ended up.....I would either be in jail, dead or an addict.

Her birth changed my priorities and my life, forced me to straiten my **** out PRONTO.


----------



## Sunburn

DoF said:


> I've made ALL of these mistakes and turned out JUST fine and had a successful marriage AND career.
> 
> So no, I wouldn't say that's the BIGGEST mistake men make....not at all.
> 
> Believe it or not, those 3 actually SAVED my life. If my daughter wasn't born, based on where most of my friends ended up.....I would either be in jail, dead or an addict.
> 
> Her birth changed my priorities and my life, forced me to straiten my **** out PRONTO.


Results may vary. Obviously you had other issues.

From what I have seen those 3 things usually impede a young man.


----------



## DoF

Sunburn said:


> Results may vary. Obviously you had other issues.
> 
> From what I have seen those 3 things usually impede a young man.


I could be an exception to the rule, but those 3 things MADE me a man.

:scratchhead:


----------



## Marduk

Wiltshireman said:


> The biggest relationship mistake I see made (by both genders) is to mistake LUST for LOVE and WANT for NEED.


Funny. I dropped lust in favour of love, and it nearly cost me 2 marriages.

Now that I've prioritized lust, there's a lot more love...

Funny how that works.


----------



## treyvion

marduk said:


> Funny. I dropped lust in favour of love, and it nearly cost me 2 marriages.
> 
> Now that I've prioritized lust, there's a lot more love...
> 
> Funny how that works.


Agree.


----------

