# Husbands Best Friend in love with him



## Maggie77 (Apr 5, 2014)

A few months ago my husband's best friend told him that she was in love with him. She begged him to break up with me. He refused and then called me and told me what happened. We are now married(3 weeks now). He still want's to spend time with her kids. He has known them their entire lives and wants to keep in touch with them. The day after our wedding she sent him texts asking if he married me and if he really loved me. Today he announced that he was going to go and see the kids. I am not sure what to think about this. I feel wrong for asking him not to see the kids. But I also feel like him being anywhere near her is inappropriate.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Not a great start to your marriage.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

She'll be a force to weaken your marriage. Bit by bit she'll wear away at him. She'll be the perfect friend to him and always show her good side. Eventually, one day you and your husband will have a fight that's bigger than a simple argument. He'll go round to see her kids. She'll be there and ask him what's wrong and be very sympathetic when he rants. Next thing you know--well, I'm sure you can see where this story goes.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Well if those kids can't live without him, I guess their going to get accustom to seeing you too. Right?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Maggie77 said:


> The day after our wedding she sent him texts asking if he married me and if he really loved me.


If she was his "best friend" then wasn't she at the wedding?



> _Today he announced that he was going to go and see the kids. I am not sure what to think about this.I feel wrong for asking him not to see the kids. But I also feel like him being anywhere near her is inappropriate._


I wouldn't advise any ultimatums, like telling him he must stop seeing these kids. Why punish them? But I really think he should take a little break from them, to give this woman time to get her head straight and move on with her life.

However, Do you trust your husband? The fact that he told you about all this is a good sign; it means that he is trying to be honest with you and keep everything above board.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Well if those kids can't live without him, I guess their going to get accustom to seeing you too. Right?


:iagree::iagree::lol:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Maggie77 said:


> *The day after our wedding she sent him texts asking if he married me and if he really loved me.* Today he announced that he was going to go and see the kids. I am not sure what to think about this. I feel wrong for asking him not to see the kids.* But I also feel like him being anywhere near her is inappropriate.*


Of course him being around her is inappropriate,
She's trying to break up your marriage!

Why didn't she get with him_ before_ you all got married?
Why doesn't she go get her own man?

Lol, more than three billion men in the world and your husband is the_ only_ man she feels she's entitled too.
This woman would do anything to get with your husband, even his connection to her kids, because that's the type of person she is.
I would have thought that by now your husband would have recognized that?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

MSP said:


> . *Eventually, one day you and your husband will have a fight that's bigger than a simple argument. He'll go round to see her kids. She'll be there and ask him what's wrong and be very sympathetic when he rants. Next thing you know--well, I'm sure you can see where this story goes.*


:iagree:

Yup.

Basic soap opera script.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Somewhere in your vows is the phrase "Forsaking all others". The word "all" means everyone, including those kids. Because this other woman has made it clear she wants him, he needs to have strong boundaries around his marriage in order to keep him out.

Boundaries are like a castle wall. They define actions in both directions.

If you're the King of your castle, you normally have the gate open and some guards casually watching over who is coming in. Most of the bad guys are detected and kept out. Once in a while a cretin gets in and starts up trouble. Then, the King has that person trussed up, placed on the trebuche, and launched over the wall to the outside. This gets rid of the trouble maker and stands as a warning to others.

The wall, though, also defines outward movement. The King stays inside the walls much of the time. Sometimes he ventures out into the world, though he keeps an eye out for trouble. If he is inside his castle and sees trouble outside, he closes the gates and he does not venture out.

Your husband needs to close the castle gates to this woman. He needs to stop venturing out into the countryside where he knows trouble lurks. Even though those good kids are out there, so is this trouble making woman.

Your husband should be protecting your marriage (the castle) by having boundaries around his own behavior.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Agree with above that this has disaster written all over it. She already knows a lot about him and has inappropriate feelings. My guess is she will seek to undermine your marriage at any turn. I would talk to him about leaving her go permanently.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Get the book "Not Just Friends", and both of you should read it. No, it's not appropriate. If he wants to be in her life that much, he should have married her, not you. 

C


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

If you have not guessed by now you have to set boundary's and they DO have to be ultimatums or you he will not stop. You need to let him know what the consequences will be if he does not abide and follow through when he does not. I am glad he has been stand up for the kids but they are not his responsibility ......... you are. 

I fear for you but do not hesitate to make the hard decisions if he cannot abide by your boundary's.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If she really was his best friend and loved him as such she would clear out and explain to her kids, setting a good example in the process, that a married relationship trumps friendship hands down. You don't tread on someone else's family turf, especially not if the person is a friend!

Friendships sometimes have to end. This is a time when friends should part ways. Someone is not thinking in the friend zone any more, and she should take steps not to let it affect her married friend's life. 

I would do this for a friend if I ended up feeling that way about him under the circumstances, and would expect no less from anyone else. In fact, I ended a marriage over such "friends." She did not cease and desist after marriage, in fact she upped her game, and he did too. Cake eating is too easy under these circumstances.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You should be the most important person in his life, and while he's made you aware of the problem, he's not doing anything to resolve it. Telling you the woman is trying to break you up is not going to stop her succeeding; him not being around her will stop it. One day you and he are probably going to have children of your own (could be wrong on that), is he going to commit 100% to you and your children, or is this BF and her children always going to come first? To be honest, he's putting them first. Terrible start to any marriage, I really feel for you.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Maggie77 said:


> A few months ago my husband's best friend told him that she was in love with him. She begged him to break up with me. He refused and then called me and told me what happened. We are now married(3 weeks now). He still want's to spend time with her kids. He has known them their entire lives and wants to keep in touch with them. The day after our wedding she sent him texts asking if he married me and if he really loved me. Today he announced that he was going to go and see the kids. I am not sure what to think about this. I feel wrong for asking him not to see the kids. But I also feel like him being anywhere near her is inappropriate.


Assuming that these children have their own Father somewhere, the children don't need another Father figure in their lives so they don't "need" to spend time with your husband.

Given the circumstances that their Mother has declared her love for YOUR husband, I wouldn't stand for it AT ALL.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

I do wonder what the history is between them, how long do they know each other, has there been more between them, etc. Not that it matters on you standing up for your boundries, I just wonder what his reasons are to stay in touch with her this intense way.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

catfan said:


> I do wonder what the history is between them, how long do they know each other, has there been more between them, etc. Not that it matters on you standing up for your boundries, I just wonder what his reasons are to stay in touch with her this intense way.


I wondered the same.
I also wondered what is his intense connection to the kids, and it crossed my mind that chances are ,just maybe at least one of them might be his...


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