# Mid-Life Crisis regrets?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I don't recall the poster, but a while back, someone posted about having issues in her marriage that she contributed to a "mid-life crisis." 

That got me to wondering, has anyone here made major changes in their life, such as divorce, due to a mid-life crisis and later regretted it? Some may not like the term, mid-life crisis, but I assume everyone knows what I mean. 

I wonder if anyone ever snaps out of it, so to speak? If someone reaches that point to where they think their spouse and life are terrible, even though nothing bad is really going on and makes major changes, are they always happy with those changes when they are 60, 70, and 80 years old, or do they snap out of it and think they made a mistake?

Have you known anyone or yourself experienced regrets after a mid-life?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I don't think this is exactly what you mean, but I am 44, and sometimes I think about going back to work.

I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 20 years. We are homeschooling our four younger ones still at home. We want them to have the same opportunities our daughter had, like flexibility and control over their schooling. That would not be possible if I were to go back to work.

So while I often feel a bit bored, and lonely, I try to keep my eyes on the goal. But it really does require, at least for me, thinking long term, and not just about what might be interesting and stimulating for me right now.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

jld said:


> I don't think this is exactly what you mean, but I am 44, and sometimes I think about going back to work.
> 
> I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 20 years. We are homeschooling our four younger ones still at home. We want them to have the same opportunities our daughter had, like flexibility and control over their schooling. That would not be possible if I were to go back to work.
> 
> So while I often feel a bit bored, and lonely, I try to keep my eyes on the goal. But it really does require, at least for me, thinking long term, and not just about what might be interesting and stimulating for me right now.


Not quite, but I appreciate you sharing.

I'm sure we all get bored and make decisions we regret in life. I'm talking about a phase some seem to go through where they start examining their life, even though it seems good, and decide they could be happier if they made big changes in their life. This often leads to divorce because their current spouse just doesn't butter their toast like they want.

People often feel they start acting different in pursuit of this happiness, as if something has snapped within them making their usual logic to be off. It is often described in men as being 45 or 50 and buying a fancy sports car and getting a divorce to be with a much younger woman.

This period is usually filled with actions that seem illogical to those around them. I'm just wondering if this phase passes and then they regret some of their actions.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I had the reverse of a mid-life crisis. A beautiful, intelligent, funny 23yo cover girl convinced herself that I was the man of her dreams,,, and tried to convince me. I chickened out!

I don't regret it. It was the right thing to do,,, but I have a small cluster of brain cells that'll be calling me a fool till the day I die. My one opportunity and I passed on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> I had the reverse of a mid-life crisis. A beautiful, intelligent, funny 23yo cover girl convinced herself that I was the man of her dreams,,, and tried to convince me. I chickened out!
> 
> I don't regret it. It was the right thing to do,,, but I have a small cluster of brain cells that'll be calling me a fool till the day I die. My one opportunity and I passed on it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ignore that cluster of "brain" cells. Be grateful you did the right thing.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

jld said:


> Ignore that cluster of "brain" cells. Be grateful you did the right thing.


lol - I can,, 98% of the time. The devil is in the minutiae.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

"Flee from the devil, and he will flee from you." 

And good job again on doing the right thing! :smthumbup:


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

Everyone regrets their midlife crisis, because the passage of time dims the bad memories, and people tend to focus on the good memories instead, creating a sense of nostalgia.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

After my divorce I wanted to just go and live on the Oregon coast. Leave the world behind. I had a standing offer with the State Employment Dept as a vet rep in Newport and I was ready to go. Find a little apartment, walk the beaches... 

Then I met a lost puppy dog who had been badly abused by her husband and was living in a dank basement apt and was unable to afford heat above 58 degrees. She made $10/hr and had 2 kids. We became the closest of friends ad I put the beach off forever to marry her.

Regrets?

Yes and no. I think I did the right thing for her and the kids and I am content.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Methuselah said:


> Everyone reghrets their midlife crisis, because the passage of time dims the bad memories, and people tend to focus on the good memories instead, creating a sense of nostalgia.


Hmm, I'm growing my hair out as part of my mid life crisis. Am I going regret it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hmm, I'm growing my hair out as part of my mid life crisis. Am I going regret it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Learn to braid.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I am 43 and my midlife crisis is getting out of debt while travelling the U.S. with my wife, soon, while living out of hotels.

I might regret it later but doubt it.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I always wonder if my husband missed having a mid life crisis because he completely changed his career at the age of 39. He was miserable in his old job and absolutely loves his current job. I've come to think that job dissatisfaction is probably the #1 triggers for a mid life crisis.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Learn to braid.


I can make a mean braid. When I was in the army I could knock out my own french braids pretty darn quickly, and they were good


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I always wonder if my husband missed having a mid life crisis because he completely changed his career at the age of 39. He was miserable in his old job and absolutely loves his current job. I've come to think that job dissatisfaction is probably the #1 triggers for a mid life crisis.


I changed my career completely at 35 and I love what I'm doing now. I don't think it was mid life, but I was unhappy with what I had been doing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I always wonder if my husband missed having a mid life crisis because he completely changed his career at the age of 39. He was miserable in his old job and absolutely loves his current job. I've come to think that job dissatisfaction is probably the #1 triggers for a mid life crisis.


I think your onto something there. I waited till my youngest left the nest. I am more excited and hopeful than I have been in years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I always wonder if my husband missed having a mid life crisis because he completely changed his career at the age of 39. He was miserable in his old job and absolutely loves his current job. I've come to think that job dissatisfaction is probably the #1 triggers for a mid life crisis.


Followed closely by marriage dissatisfaction


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I have had a hell of a time with midlife and it shows no signs of easing - even though I have a wonderful marriage and can work as much or as little as I choose. 

This article came across my social media last week. I found it interesting.

The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis - The Atlantic


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hmm, I'm growing my hair out as part of my mid life crisis. Am I going regret it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


fantastic - me too - that and I have picked up my Taylor again with a few mouth harps!


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hmm, I'm growing my hair out as part of my mid life crisis. Am I going regret it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm growing my hair out too. Unfortunately it's growing out of my ears, and I regret it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hmm, I'm growing my hair out as part of my mid life crisis. Am I going regret it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



No. I look half way between Einstein and Frank Zappa at 55 and haven't regretted it yet. 

Just use good quality shampoo and conditioner


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> No. I look half way between Einstein and Frank Zappa at 55 and haven't regretted it yet.
> 
> Just use good quality shampoo and conditioner



Of course! I'm snooty when it comes to personal care products. 

Fortunately I come from a family of people with great hair and lots of it. It's thick and wavy, strawberry blond, the family men never lose it, and everyone grays very late. Hubby wanted me grow it because he thinks it's great


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

southbound said:


> I don't recall the poster, but a while back, someone posted about having issues in her marriage that she contributed to a "mid-life crisis."
> 
> That got me to wondering, has anyone here made major changes in their life, such as divorce, due to a mid-life crisis and later regretted it? Some may not like the term, mid-life crisis, but I assume everyone knows what I mean.
> 
> ...



Southbound, no offence, a blunt question.

So your wife left you. Since there is nothing wrong with you or your former marriage, it must be a mlc, right?

So the real question may be, when is she gonna snap out of it, regret her leaving and come back to you?

IMHO, mlc is merely a container concept, used as an excuse by people for selfish and other bad behaviour. Sure, they may regret those later.

But by then, in most cases, so much water has passed under the bridge that reconciliation is not an option any more. For the few who do reconcile, see the recon section


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Of the 2 women I personally know that left their husbands in mid life... one went through a wild spell where she wanted to go dancing, listening to Bands...I guess this was her way of recapturing her youth in a sense... 

So she has said...she tried to bring her Husband, he pushed her aside, telling her he did all that back then...he'd rather stay home with the kids..... the divide began... she was having fun with single friends out & about while he stayed home.. one thing led to another, she got involved with a drummer... that didn't last.. 13 yrs later.. they are still both single.. 

She is a relative on H's side...not one to really go into all the details.. but in no way does she seem to regret her decision... no love lost between those 2, she speaks of him in a derogatory way to this day...which leads me to believe their was MORE behind the scenes for those in the 1st 19 yrs together... Sometimes we assume a couple is happy... anyone can put on a good show when around others... but it's not always the case... they may drive home alone stone faced and not even be talking..and that be their norm. 

Then another friend ...she has been VERY open with her issues with her husband to me.. we have taken walks together with our kids & she's spilled the whole story.. problems FOR YEARS , sadness, crying alone in her room..... He was too busy with his stuff.. ... he didn't want to do anything with the family, he was controlling ...he barked at her about money (I never got the impression she was a wildly impulsive spender -but I don't really know here)

Then he acted like "WOW, what is wrong with her?" once she packed her things and was gone..... and in that case, I also heard the son's side (as he is a pretty open kid who hung with our boys) --he felt his MOm was NUTS.. I even had the dad trying to tell me SHE WAS crazy one day , when picking up the son... so Boy oh boy..... everyone sees things from their own perspective!! 

But which parent is always there for this son ... MOM.. even yrs later, he let her know that she was right on some things, as his dad wasn't around, and it did hurt.. 

Having heard the Mothers point of view and knowing her as the happy cheerful person she is-finding that AGAIN once she left him.. ...then finding a new man who she gets along wonderfully with... I don't think she is crazy...and had I been in HER shoes, I would have wanted away from her Husband also, hearing her side of the dilemma - how HE pulled away after his parents died.. with her trying for years to get him more "involved".. emotionally he checked out of that marriage... not something easy to live with...she felt she was alone anyway. 

Here is a story where the WIFE felt she made a mistake.. this can happen too... at least this woman can acknowledge she royally screwed up here...pretty sad.. 

I left the love of my life because I thought I could do better. Now I'm childless and alone at 42 | Daily Mail Online


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