# LD or not really?



## Qur (May 17, 2014)

I’ve been on the site reading various post for about two months now. Really good stuff. I’ve particularly found interest in the whole LD and HD, and I wanted to share my experience.

Having what appears to be an LD partner myself, I realized that she just does not have an attachment to the act itself, rather, to the emotional feelings about me and the relationship. Not only that, but she needs my foreplay outside the bedroom (flirting, play fighting/ biting, sexting, cooking dinner instead of her, etc) as well as inside the bedroom to order to increase her desire and interest for sex. If those two factors are properly linked together, I usually get the encounter I sought after. I say usually because it does not always lead to something that night, rather, the next night (and maybe one more night at mostray. For her, sometimes foreplay has to be extended via cuddling the night I actually want some in order for her to really want it say, tomorrow. There is an art of sorts to get her to get her hot and ready and if didn’t address her “extreme” arousal needs, I’m sure our sex life would be very frustrating to me (I think she could go forever without it really). Monday mornings are a freebie (no build up needed) for me since she knows I need my ‘start of the work week’ fix. She must not want me to quit my job.

So, my question is, are most of the people who are labeled LD really just partners that have greater arousal needs that may or may not be properly attended to? The rolling theme here seems to be that these LDs were usually into it (high frequency) early on in the relationship and nowadays could care less. I could easily see my gf becoming a classic LD if she was stressed, unhappy with me and us, or "dry" from my lack of playful, flirty, "fill in the blank"____ behavior.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I think there is some validity to your theory.

The theory might be restated to be something like:

Every one has a sex drive. some peoples are more or less than others, however everyone has some measure of sex drive.

However, many people are low drive for different reasons.

1. not with the right partner
2. abuse issues, past or present.
3. shame.
4. not feeling good about themselves for many different reasons.
5. fear of sex.
6. not able to perform (men).

I'm sure there are others.

the above issues must be overcome either with loving understanding partner, or therapy, or both.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Qur, I think your wife has a particular kind of LD. Most truly LD women would not respond to what you have been doing successfully. Certainly, my ex did not - yes, I tried this, and many other things over the years. After I divorced her, she eventually did find someone else, but from what little she's said about him, it works for them because he is LD too.


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## Qur (May 17, 2014)

Married but Happy,

Was your EW that way from the beginning of the relationship?


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