# Husband addicted to COD MW3 and becomes very aggressive



## herecomestrouble

Hey everyone,
I'm new here. I am at my wits end. My husband has been addicted to Call of Duty for a few years now, most recently, MW3. He works all day - actually has a good paying job. But as soon as he gets home, he's right on the game. For HOURS at a time. Sometimes he gets home at 6 p.m. and he's on all night (yup 12 hours or more). then he'll either miss work the next day, OR he'll drink energy drinks to stay awake. He is not young (52 years old) and just recently found out he has high blood pressure. Hmmm Wonder why?

When he is playing MW3 he becomes VERY aggressive - shouting and swearing LOUDLY. You'd think someone was having a fist fight outside the window it's so loud. I listen to this nearly every night when I'm trying to sleep. If I ask him to stop, he yells at me and gets mean. He has never hit me, but I fear he will lose it and hit me one day.

About this time last year, he had somewhat of a breakdown. He totally lost it and smashed our 48" LCD TV to smithereens in the middle of the night. He wrote me a letter saying he was sorry for smashing the TV but that he was so angry. Angry with his boss, angry about life, but not angry at me or our kids (11yrs and 13 yrs). He talked about having "dark" thoughts and punishing himself. I immediately, that same day, dragged him in to his doctor's office. Doc put him on anti-depressants which lasted only about 3 months then he came off them. Didn't like being on meds. Doctor also had him stay off work for a month and told him no Playstation. . He's slowly been becoming more and more angry and aggressive since he's been gaming again. I just can't stand it anymore. I cry myself to sleep, or just plain can't sleep half the time. He spends almost NO TIME with us. I am upset that my kids have to live through this. 

What can I do? I can't exactly call the cops because he's swearing and yelling. I don't want to leave. I don't see why my kids should have to go live somewhere else. I don't think I want to stay with him. He just keeps going back to this behaviour. I can't make it on my own. He's been the only one working for about 15 years. I gave my job up when he had our first daughter. I know he'd have to give me money, but it's not enough to get by. We live in Canada and the taxes are so high here, as well as food prices and utility prices. Has anyone been through this? Will it get better? HELP.......


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## EleGirl

I can relate to what you are going through. My husband.. (well he’s my ex now, our divorce was final yesterday) is a lot like yours in that he plays computer games all day. He gets annoyed if anything interrupts him. He does not yell usually like your husband does but it’s not fun.
My exh also has not worked a job in many years so he’s on the computer playing from the moment he wakes in the morning until the middle of the night.
IT’s an addiction and your husband will not address it until something catastrophic happens. 
I suggest addressing this in phases. 
1)	Get a voice activated recorder (VAR) and record what he sounds like. Play it back to him. Let me hear what he sounds like. That might wake him up. Write him a letter and tell him exactly how you feel about this. Do it in a letter so that he cannot just yell at you, etc. Be sure to tell him not only the problem but the solution you want. He has to go back to the doc, he has to stop the game playing, he has to be a husband and father and do all that is expected in those roles. 
One of his major issues could be just that he is sleep deprived. That alone can drive a person nuts.
2)	If the above does not work, remove whatever equipment he uses to play the game. While he is at work take it and store it somewhere else. I know one woman who took the computer outside and smashed with garden tools. If it’s a computer that you need for other things, remove all game software and password lock the computer. He would need to ask you to use the computer. You log in on (do not tell him the password). If he stays on too long or plays games turn off the computer.. plug it into a power strip with an on/off switch. When my kids were in high school we was a circuit for the computers running through the house… I would just go turn the circuit off. 

Get him to a doctor about his depression, his anger, his lack of sleep. And tell him that if he wants to stay he will work with your to save the marriage , or he can leave.

3)	File for divorce if nothing else works. You will get child support and probably spousal support. Plus you can go to school and get federal financial aid to get an education so you can start yoru new career.


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## Nsweet

EleGirl, Did your H ever change or is he still addicted?


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## EleGirl

Nsweet said:


> EleGirl, Did your H ever change or is he still addicted?


He's still playing the games. I did not do the things that I suggested in the above thread. I know I should have. I have read of people who did that. And a friend of mine did it.. she destroyed he computer. 

I'm not a nagger, or the kind of person to tell others how to live. So I did not do this with him. I'm sorry that I did not. I should have taken his computer from him years ago.

Of course he's a web developer so he needs his computer, right?


We are divorced now.. he's still here in the house. But he needs to leave now.


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## Nsweet

So it appears we have video game addict and spouse that is enabling him in this whole codependency cycle. Despite all your efforts every attempt seem to push him further into his unhealthy coping mechanism, and he is too blinded by his addiction to see that he is hurting this marriage. Your love is actually keeping him in his addiction because no matter how much you nag, scream, or cry he will get his way and play his video games. And really there is more here than just a video game addiction. The caffeine, sleep withdraw, and violent games all point to an adrenalin junkie and burnout if he's getting that violent and depressed.

Well, this really is a tough situation where you have to admit that you love him enough to leave him, because he is not going to find the motivation to change or improve any time soon. I understand you are not in a situation to divorce and I am not going to advise you too just yet, it's not the only option we have here. 

There is the 180 and avoidance of being around him when he is fulfilling his need. This may require you to sleep in another room or move out altogether and spend your nights with a friend until he starts wondering "what's bothering you" lately. I would tend to think that if you put up with it in the same house and shared the same bed he would only keep up the same behavior. 

You could try an intervention though this tends to pi$$ off the addict and cause them to get defensive about their actions not hurting anyone. It may work depending on how you go about it but these don't always so well. 

And as a last resort before divorce I would reccomend that you get involved in his game with him. Join him for just one night an watch him play and act a fool. He may try to bully you out of this but you just stand up to him. I doubt he will scream and act out as much if the woman he loves is silently watching and judging him. And if he feels insecure at this time it's because he is covering his insecurities with his addiction.


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## endlessgrief

My husband is an alcoholic and a gaming addict, he does it every night from midnight till about 5 a.m. Which means he waits until I go to bed. He says he loves to play the games because it gets his mind off his troubles (work, economy, not enough money, being in debt, etc.). I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't for all the rum. That being said, I think doing a 180 on your husband may not work because I don't think he even knows you are there now, he may not even notice a difference. Which is painful in and of itself.

His aggressive behavior concerns me though. If you break his computer, he may go nuts and hit you. He sounds like he is not in reality and may do something he would never have done before this addiction. As the spouse, that is no way to spend a marriage. You must be horribly lonely, neglect hurts like hell doesn't it? This man doesn't sound like anything is going to change him. 

This is where you really gotta start thinking of you and your kids. I know money is an issue, but in reality, you are a single mother. He may be in the house, but he is not being a husband nor father. So you can parent without him. In fact, parenting without him may be a good idea. What kind of message is he sending the kids with his yelling and playing games all the time?

You have some huge decisions to make and I know that is scary. Do everything you can to build your confidence and slowly emotionally disengage from your husband (the 180). Even if he doesn't notice, the 180 helps YOU untangle from all the hurt and pain. I am doing it right now. It does help. 

It breaks my heart that I cannot give you any advice that will help you immediately. These things take time and lots of patience. Keep coming back here, I find that venting and reading other's posts helps me a great deal, I don't feel so alone. You are not alone either, we are here for you.


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