# New to the forum



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Greetings. I've been reading on this site for several days now and have even ventured a few posts. I thought it was time to introduce myself to the other women here (and the men who visit here, too). 

I just turned 50 and right before my birthday, my husband decided we should "work on" the lack of sex in our marriage. This has really thrown me for a loop b/c although I initially agreed to try, I have been feeling since then that I don't want to. I'm not comfortable with that decision yet so I'm going to seek counseling. I guess I feel guilty about not wanting to try. 

The truth is, I've been thinking about leaving this marriage for a very, very long time. 16 years, in fact, out of the 21 we've been married. Usually I decide it's just not that bad, so I should stay, so I do. But now that he's finally coming around to messing with the status quo, I'm realizing how little I want or need from him and how much I'd prefer to be on my own. 

The crux of the problem is sexual and stems from his failure to listen to my requests for changes in his lovemaking. His answer always was, "If it works, I'm gonna stick with it." It wasn't working, yet he measured it all by whether or not I had orgasms on occasion, so he thought he was getting by. Nothing I said otherwise could change his thinking. 

Anyway, I've gone through several stages in a short time, from panic to anger to where I am now, willing to get counseling to help me be as comfortable as I can be with any decision I make. I hope I can find some good ideas here and offer some as well. Thanks.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Welcome to the site. It saddens me to hear you were unhappy for a large majority of the years you were marrried. It seems very common on this forum. I also feel I am living alone in my marriage, and seek my happiness from within, not from my husband.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Thank you for the welcome, Sensitive. May I ask why you stay married? I've made up my mind to leave unless I can, with counseling, find a good reason to stay. My children need to see both parents find real happiness, with or without a partner. That is not happening now and I do not want them to think, as I have for so long, that compromise in marriage means sacrificing happiness at a deep level. So I'm at peace with that part of my decision. I'm actively looking for reasons to stay, so I hope you don't mind me asking.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

well i hope you feel you can rant all you like.
be like the rest of us with issues.
i promise your not alone on this forum.


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