# Confused...Divorce or Separate?



## Missy101 (Jul 21, 2008)

I am really confused and going through some things. I have recently been leaving home and going back to my home town hoping that I could gather myself. And it helps a little. I've been wanting to be by myself and having the urges of wanting to be independent. I've been married for 2 years now and feel that a lot of the problems my husband and I are having is due to me marrying young ( at 23), not experiencing life and not knowing what the word "marriage" really entailed. My husband is 10 years older than me and he has experienced life and knows what he wants and it just feels like I am bringing him down with my ups and downs and non responsible tactics.

I guess what I am asking is *should I consider a separation *to find myself and go to a marriage counsel while experiencing independence for once. *Or should I consider a divorce* to find myself and go to a marriage counsel while experiencing independence for once and spare my husband the agony. 

This is the best I could describe my feelings right now. I hope someone understands and could give me some sound advice. 

Missy


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Missy

I believer the first step would be for you to attend counseling on your own to help you understand your own feelings. This seems to be an issue with you and not you husband. The counselor should be able to help you identify your needs for independence. Then you can decide on going as a couple. Separation or divorce are not the answers at this time. Take some time to get counseling first to get a grasp on the situation. Good luck.


----------



## wannabefree? (Jul 24, 2008)

Hey, 
I know how you feel. I'm going through much of the same as you are. 

My husband is a wonderful guy, but I think I got into the relationship too young, and didn't experience all of the things I wanted to for myself. Now I am feeling an insatiable need to be independent, but also feeling that I'm 'stuck' in a marriage.

Before throwing in the hat, I'm going to try counseling and to see if there is any room for freedom within the confines of marriage. Maybe you should try that too.


----------



## darkhunter39 (Jul 24, 2008)

You are not alone in the way you feel. I am in a similar circumstance but I have been married for 18 and half years and was younger when I got married. I am sorry to say that I have been through this once already with my husband and thought that things were okay and looking up, but recently I have been feeling those dreaded feelings again and keep wondering why.


----------



## envision (Jul 23, 2008)

I'm in my own mess at the moment but would still like to try giving some advice, in the past, I have felt a need to get away from whatever situation I was in. I thought that leaving one situation and going to another (whether it be living independently, leaving a relationship, or living in a different state) would "cure" how I felt but it never did. Instead of "curing me" it only intensified the extreme dislike I had for my life. It wasn't so much the people or places, it was how I felt about me (my dislike for myself also lead me to people and places I had no right going to). You may need to find something that makes you feel better about yourself and also allows you more freedom (maybe work towards a goal such as going back to school or a new job). If you work towards or achieve your goals and still feel you need your independence than maybe you just married the wrong person or marriage may not be what you want. 
Also, counseling would be very helpful to figure out what really bothers you. When you say you didn't know what marriage entailed, is your husband making demands that aren't normally made or does he just want to spend time together cause if he is saying that you can't go to the grocery store or hang out with your friends, that's a whole different story.


----------



## Mrs. Negestie (Jul 15, 2008)

I think Separtion with professional help and seeking counsel is the better way to go because you dont want to be divorced and still together or remarried.


----------

