# Ladies I want your opinions please!



## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

Ok, I have to share my story because I feel like I am going insane (I am not really, but yes the hurt and pain is immense). The hurt, the pain, anxiety, loss, uselessness, etc has really come on strong.

Some quick background on me...I am a 29 year old male. The one thing I make no bones about is that I am all man and I am a true alpha male. However, I have felt pretty un-alpha like in my marriage for the past 2 months. I know the real reason for what is amplifying my despair right now and that is that I am at the lowest point in my life. I am unemployed (have been for the past 2 months) and my wife left me and threw me away like a piece of trash that never meant a damn thing to her. 

Anyway, let me get into this...first I am willing to make myself the villain here...I will come clean and admit my faults.

First, the worst thing that has ever happened in my marriage is that my wife caught me watching porn. I did it and I do not expect to be absolved from it. In essence, I have a reason, but there is no excuse. I F*cked up...period! My reasoning...our intimacy was seriously lacking as in we hadn't had sex for 3 months. I was patient with her because I knew sex was a hard thing for her, but she was mean and nasty to me and we had no sex life and so it lead to do what I did. 

Second, there was one time where I got physical with my wife. I did not hit her or strangle her as she says I tried to do. Out of frustration I said sarcastically without any intent I could ring her neck right now for what she said to me so I put my hands around her collarbone area...I never ever would even consider putting my hands around her throat or squeeze...none of that BS...You just don't do that...I am not an abuser like that. I love my mother dearly the reason I say that here is that if I ever was abusive to my wife I would not be able to talk to my mother because I would feel embarrassed because my mother raised me to be better than that.

Now I can see where she may have felt scared and frightened because I was angry at her because she really dug at me deep on an emotional level for no good reason. I am a big muscular guy and yes I have a bad temper, but I am not violent and usually my temper only comes out when I am defending someone I care about...I am fiercely loyal and protective over those I love and care about and I will back down from no one and if someone says something really wrong or hurtful things or just has terribly negative opinions for no real good reason I will breath blazing fire down upon them without hesitation. I do admit I have a terrible potty mouth and my anger sometimes will get the best of me and I usually end up saying some pretty rotten things in anger, but I will always apologize and own up to my actions or behavior. However, for me to get to that point it generally takes quite a bit or something that really hurts me. I am tough and blah blah blah, but I admit that yeah my feelings get hurt too and I do get offended. I am human, not a robot.

Third, when in anger...I have terrible tendency to name call. I get mad at myself for it and it is such a terrible cycle to break . I do consciously try to stop myself because I had to deal with name calling as a kid from my father (he had a reason for doing it though which I never understood until after he passed away...the reason was to get me to bring out my temper so I would take it out on him and not anyone else so I could learn to have some kind of control over it) my brothers, and some of my cousins, but again my anger gets the best of me sometimes.

Ok, now that I have gotten all that out of the way it is time for me to share how horrible of a wife I have. Perhaps you are thinking I am a terrible guy by now, but I would rather be open and honest and give someone all the information to digest so that a true opinion and conclusion can be formed. In essence, I am not asking for people to necessarily side with me I am putting out the info out here so that I can hopefully gain some insight and peace of mind and that means allowing my faults to be dissected as well.

My wife and I are headed for divorce and not a nice one either. To be honest she really crushed me and the sad thing is she threw me away like a piece of trash. Honestly, she really did leave me high and dry. I lost all faith and trust in her and I feel she may be telling things to people I am this monster or whatever as a means to justify her actions and behavior. 

Perhaps the worst of all is that with how she acted I think she cheated on me and has no remorse for it. I want to believe she didn't, but all the signs point to it that she did and has. She really left me when I needed her as my wife the most.

With her actions...she used me to the full extent and its like she used me just to get in over in the US. I hate to say that, but honestly it really does appear that way. I have tried to give her benefit of the doubt in my mind because I love her, but my friends and family feel the same way.

I am in complete ruin right now. I have been unemployed and trying to get a job is beyond hard. I just can't seem to get a chance. The real hard part is that I always worked my ass off to support the both of us, but my wife has only worked to support herself.


Just so I am clear...I am just speaking my peace. The best example of how badly I was used was that I let her use my car to go to work and thankfully my mother let me use her car while I had a temp job, but then we talked about getting her a car and this is where everything got off track (well as far as being recent). My wife pulled a terrible stunt on me. One day she calls me from work to ask me if it would be ok if my car sat down at this dealership so she could test out this car she was thinking of getting and she was going to be driving the car for a few days. Little did I know she already had the car and mine was left at the dealership. My car was put up for collateral pretty much. So in essence, if she would have damaged the car my car could have been taken from me and my car is the only valuable asset I have and it is not even worth that much, but it means a lot to me because it is the first car I ever bought and I worked hard for it. Now to top it off our situation hasn't been good because I have been without work so you would think she would understand that buying an expensive car was not the way to go, but of course not. She went ahead and did it. The car costs $15,000 or so. She was stuck on the idea of not accepting a cheaper used car. I was thinking we find something cheap that was in decent shape and then went from there so that we would not run into problems with bills. To be clear...she bought the car in another state and it is under her name and not mine so there responsibility on me.

Another issue having to deal with the car...she came home drunk one night well after midnight. She was driving my car and I have let her have free reign driving my car all over the place and stayed home so she could have the freedom to do her thing. Anyway, well that particular night I texted her and got no response so I called her 15 mins later and left a voicemail because I was worried because I had no idea where she was. She gets home 30 mins later or so. She *****es at me saying I was being possessive which is total crap and it turned into an argument. I told her sarcastically forgive me for giving a crap about my wife and worrying if she was ok. Do I not have a right as her husband to care where she was and that she was ok? I do not bother her all day when she is at work. So possessive I am not. I let her do her thing and give her plenty of freedom to be an individual. 

Now what makes this even worse is that she really mistreated my mother and she lived my mother's house with me and my mother. Rosie was always terrible about having to fork out any money to help support the household. Its like she thinks she can live for free. I mean she was fine with me spending all the money I had and using everything I had to make sure we got by. She did help a little bit and yes at times she offered to do things (generally her offering to help was food related and she wastes money on food like no one I have ever seen), but I always made it clear that I would go without or on the bare minimum so we could take care of what needed to be taken care of. The ironic truth is that as long as I am working and the bills get paid she is perfectly fine with my money being spent. I think the biggest problem between her and I is that she always thinks of herself first and she is beyond selfish. I always think of "us" and want to work as a team. She has always fought me tooth and nail when it comes to working as a team monetarily speaking. I find it disgusting that my two best friends have had to help take care of me because my wife wouldn't lift a finger to help, but she had no problem using me. I mean my best friend paid for my gas so I could come hang out with her and partner (yes my best friend is a lesbian, but we have been like brother and sister for 15 years)...that was a real low point for me even though I am thankful for having such a good friend. My other best friend because he is an awesome standup guy gave me $150 to buy food for me and my mother so that we would not go without good food knowing how bad my situation is. Rosie makes decent money, there is no reason for her to have done what she has done.

Now, what I am not saying is that she was completely terrible. She helped me with school monetarily when I needed it (granted that was pulling teeth). She did at least pay the cable, internet, and phone bill (all together on one bill) because I would always compromise with her that as long as she could do that then fine because asking money from her is like pulling teeth. And, she did support me while I was unable to work during my knee injury recovery (I blew out my ACL, MCL, and tore my meniscus). Anyway, we were a month behind on the cable, internet, and phone bill and she gave me $150 which means we are still a month behind so the next bill will still be $300. She never once offered to help with the power and light bill, water bill, sewer bill, etc. Perhaps the worst thing she could have said was that she was considering buying a new laptop instead of paying the bills.

Honestly, she couldn't have hurt me any worse than she has. She is ice cold when it comes to showing affection and that is hard for me to deal with. I will be honest that she is hell to live with and not just because of the lack of affection, but also because her constantly chastising me if I give her a compliment and telling me I am being condescending when I say I am proud of her. I think she has some real problems and needs real professional help. However, she will never seek the help and she won't listen because she thinks there is nothing wrong with her and that she just needs to be accepted for who she is. I overlooked her many flaws and put up with her because I loved her, but she really brought me down with her negativity (don't think there is a more negative person out there). Accepting someone for who they are is one thing, but when someone displays very abnormal behavior and doesn't care to get help for those issues there is a problem. Based on my education (I have a Master's Degree in Psychology) I think she is either bipolar or she has obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I also believe she is a narcissistic sociopath.

I mean she is no good. I hate to say that, but she used me to the fullest extent without having any kind of conscious remorse, she left me hung out to dry, and of course right before the holidays. Go figure! I think the part that bothers me so bad is that I am pretty damn sure she cheated on me and has been having an emotional and physical relationship with her boss. Her motivationals she writes everyday on her website have been basically broadcasting her infidelity and her lack of giving a damn about me. I mean she really turned out to be a real piece of sh*t. I would not say that out of bitterness, but rather it is just the truth. 

Now ladies...if you have read this far please read on because this is where I really need your opinions and some perspective.

The night before she left me high and dry she came home after 1am in the morning and she ate up all the goodies in the house...my mom's chocolate chip cookies, 3/4 of the apple banana bread that was left...she was even cheeky about it because she left half of the butt of the bread left over. The thing that pissed me off though is that she ate the two pieces of pizza that were for my mother...it was from our favorite pizza place. She never bothered to ask, she just always took, took, and took some more especially with food. 

Now the important points that are tormenting me are this...

Last friday morning is when she left. Well she wanted me to wake her up at 6am so I did. I woke her up giving her a massage and had my hands all over her body and she didn't shrug me off at all. Well I was rubbing her down for about 15 mins or so and then said I had to get up and go do the dishes so she whined and wiggled to signal to me she wanted me to stay so I did. I stayed in bed rubbing her down for 45 mins and placing sweet little kisses on her (I love to show affection). Then when she was ready to get up I went to bed. 3 hours later she left and she came down and woke me up with the most awkward good bye kiss I could get. 

It was like kissing a cold, dead fish. I could feel the tension and the nervousness. She did that and then said well your mother couldn't wait to get rid of me to me and acted rude and then said she would call me next week sometime (which is this week and of course as I expected I haven't heard anything and I am pretty sure I will not hear a word from her). Well that is the truth because my wife disrespected my mother to the fullest extent and made the relationship with my mother terribly negative. My mother tried to be loving and make her a part of the family for me, but my wife **** on my family.

I ask you ladies...what kind of woman does that? It doesn't make any sense.

I am a loving husband who would walk through fire and give my own life if I had to for my wife because that is love and that is the kind of person I am.

The other things I need to mention are this...

The reasons why I suspect she has cheated on me...

She started coming home late
She started dressing up all the time and she never really dressed up for me (yes a telling sign)

Now I am going to post up her daily motivationals in separate posts so you ladies can see how she has put our private life out on the internet even if you have to read between the lines.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

*Motivationals to read!*

This is the one that really hurt because she posted it up just three hours after she left me. Keep in mind this woman says that she is single when she is not...she is married to ME. This is the heart-wrenching violation I have had to endure. I will share the motivationals that stick out to me. You can give me your thoughts on each.


"To start a new chapter of our lives we need to have turned the page on the last one, left it BEHIND and moved ON. Whilst the events of chapters past have helped shaped us into what and where we are now - and may even have some role in what we will become and where we might go - they ARE done and should be LEFT in the past where they belong.

You canNOT move forward if you are holding ON to the past, if your mind is living in the past instead of the present, not focused on the future and where you are heading. DON’T let what happened in previous chapters of your life dictate what you do in and with your life NOW.

Sometimes it can be difficult, but don’t treat the people in your present as if they were the people from your past, because they are not. Yes, be cautious and learn from past mistakes and errors in judgement, but do not let what happened then close you off from the potential blessings that could be yours and cloud your mind and heart to what is or might be happening now, for not all circumstances are the same, and not everything plays out the way it did before.

Keep your mind and heart OPEN to what the next chapter of your life might bring. Stay close to HOPE and know what you want to see, but also keep a grasp of truth and accept that not all things are destined for us, knowing that they each have their time if they ARE meant to be.

Do NOT let the past hold you back and stop you from becoming EVERYTHING you are MEANT to be and possessing everything you are meant to have! Accept it, learn from it, and move FORWARD! Turn the page to a NEW chapter of your life and EMBRACE what is to come!"



"No one can be strong all of the time. No one never NOT experiences fear and even the strongest individual you know has felt fear at SOME point in their life – whether heart-clenching fear or barely the faint whisper of it. Part of what MAKES them strong is feeling the fear but surging FORWARD in spite of it, following the path they know in their heart is MEANT for them, having FAITH that every footstep will make a DIFFERENCE, each stride made with PURPOSE, even if they are not quite sure where the path they are treading will eventually lead.

Fear can bring out aspects of our character we might not have realized were there, surprised that such qualities we own. Good, bad, masks, real, fear fights an interesting battle in our hearts and minds, creating an environment to either blossom or fall. Having the courage to CONTINUE forward when everything seems against you, uncertain when the tunnel will filter light into the darkness is a mark of strength and courage. In that tunnel you find your soul, face yourself, your demons versus your angels, and discover your TRUE nature.

It’s ok to have weak moments. It’s ok to feel fear. It’s ok to be HUMAN. It’s NOT ok to let those moments and that fear CONTROL you and dictate what you feel you are able to do, because you ALWAYS have the POWER to make a different reality for yourself, if you have but the courage and determination to take that first step out into UNKNOWN territory and run towards the BRILLIANT future WAITING for you, the one who had FAITH and took the plunge, ignoring the voices of doubt and disillusion, knowing that God guards His precious.

Have faith in Him. Have faith in YOURSELF. Feel the fear and DO it anyway. FIND YOUR STERNGTH."

"I AM ENOUGH on my own. I do NOT need anything or anyone else to complete me. I KNOW who and what I am and I am OK with that. I am COMFORTABLE in my own skin and need no one’s reassurance to stay that way. I am my OWN person, independent and free-spirited, always have been and always will be. I know what I want and will not accept anything LESS than I DESERVE. I CHOOSE to follow a path I cut for myself, whether the world “approves” or not, no matter how “alone” I may be on it.

That said I can WELCOME the presence of another, understanding that life seeks to create bonds between souls that will only STRENGTHEN who they are, both as individuals and together, bringing together like-minded souls who ADD a depth and richness to the other’s life that they cannot give themselves. This does not mean I am incomplete alone, only that I accept there ARE some things I can never give or experience by isolating myself.

I CAN now allow another into my world because I KNOW WHO I AM. Not everyone will be allowed in, rare few indeed, but those few will always be treasured for the INVALUABLE GIFTS they are, the BLESSINGS I realize He is bestowing on me. We may be able to be complete on our own, but we were not meant to WALK alone, and I know that now. I am enough on my own, but with another I can become so much MORE, as can they, desiring and seeking to unfold each soul to its full and complete potential."

"Sometimes it takes drastic measures for us to become AWARE of our soul, to ACKNOWLEDGE it, the dreams and desires hidden there, away from not just the world but ourselves because we were not yet ready to accept them. It takes someone special, the most extreme of love and loss, to bring those dreams and desires to the surface, to cause us to turn and look INSIDE ourselves to see what else we keep locked away in the dark. It takes time and it is not easy, looking into your own soul, even if you know how dark it is, despite the light you can radiate in certain presence.

Those drastic measures may have rendered your soul in half, so invested was it, even if you at first did not know why, because for the first time someone else UNDERSTOOD you, SAW you, for who you truly ARE, not accepting that what the world saw was the reality. Someone was there for you, encouraging you, BELIEVING in you, parts of you that had lain dead a lifetime suddenly brimming with hope and the gentle spark of life. You experienced immeasurable joy, eyes bright and faith a guiding light, believing in the beautiful promises sent through time and space, and for the first time, allowed yourself to dream such a dream.

And then suddenly the world went dark and the dream came crashing down in darkness, leaving you lost and confused and full of despair so deep it ached in the deepest depths of your soul, and you cried inside, the tears a seeming never-ending avalanche that threatened to consume you, while outside you smiled and everyone thought your life was so charmed, the rare few who you had let glimpse your soul seeing the torture you lived in, the broken mess, and watched you almost plunge from life itself. In that dark you awakened ANOTHER part of your soul, where you made the truth transparent so that not even you could deny what it was, facing yourself head on as you grasped the full reality of the potential that could become.

From the dark rose a soul that had awakened and EMBRACED both the light and the dark nature of the beauty and the beast. From it stepped forth a WARRIOR determined never to let themselves be vulnerable again to such destruction, albeit more open in their soul than they had ever been, thanks to the touching of that other soul on theirs. It was a soul tempered by more than life itself, for the ultimate experience of the giving of one’s soul into the keeping of another, allowing themselves to fully trust one besides themselves, took far greater courage than would ever be known, and in the aftermath, not a risk that soul was ever willing or intended to take again.

But in the ashes of the dream you thought burnt forever, there must have been something left BEHIND, hidden away from even you, a desire that had been awakened from dormant sleep, and even in such despair still clung to the minute threads of hope that even just being alive it might somehow survive, although not yet sure why, since that soul had finally found in it the ability to let GO of the dream that it once held so precious and dear, knowing that sometimes dreams are not meant to be anything more, arguing against it because it believes no dream in our heart is given withOUT reason, but not understanding how it could possibly be fulfilled in the wake of all that had transpired.

And then the unexpected discovery of life in this soul, a light spread from the inside out, taking it unawares, but creating such an AWARENESS, identifying with surprise the cause and seeing the effect, not wanting to believe that such a thing was still possible, or even for it, but coming slowly to understand the seasons that had passed had only prepared it for what was to come. New life came with hope reignited in the soul that was more aware than ever of itself and of others, fully embracing the complexity and wonder, a heart thought forever closed slowly unfurling like a rosebud in the winter frost, to welcome the light of the dawn seeking to warm it.

A soul truly AWAKENED through love, loss, and pain, understanding where it has been, where it is now, and where it must go, no longer fighting the dreams and desires tugged from the depths where they hid for so long, allowing light to filter through the darkness and slowly push it away, accepting and embracing the change, knowing that anything is possible for the one who believes and holds tight to their faith, completely coming “into its own” as it BLOSSOMS before the world, is a wonderful and beautiful thing, one of life's miracles."

"Too often we take the people in our lives for granted, failing to see the blessings they are until they are gone from us, until we have “lost” them and realize what a hollow they create with their absence. Everyone is a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and no matter how short or long their stay in our sphere of life, they EVOLVE some aspect of it, of US - whether they make us more aware of who we are and what we are capable of, give us experiences that cause either tremendous pain or joy so that we learn the meaning of what it is to truly grieve or be happy, or simply teach us to appreciate life in ALL its facets of perfections and flaws and ACCEPT ourselves in it.

Sometimes we recognize too late the “angels” we have been given to guide us through or walk beside us in and on our journey of life. The awakening of such awareness as it is HAPPENING is not something everyone gets, but if you are lucky enough to have such a GIFT, especially as your life is intertwined with another, be grateful for it, thankful for what they ADD to your life, taking pleasure in and acknowledging the DIFFERENCE that would not be thus without their presence.

Angels come in many forms and guises, not always as you might expect and almost always impossible to forget. When your soul is OPEN you will know them, seeing with your HEART instead of through physical sight or analysis of logic and reasoning, and when you see you canNOT go back - only FORWARD.

Learn to be AWARE and realize how good life is, how WONDERFUL a place the world can be, how faith and hope can be RENEWED in a heart almost gone dark, and APPRECIATE the true value of every soul who touches your own."

"Intuition. Instinct. Whatever you want to call it, it is the same. It is your SOUL speaking to you. It is your DREAMS giving voice. It is your very CORE sensing and understanding the universe and the vastness of it, knowing that there is far MORE out there than it can ever fathom, possibilities ENDLESS, wonders so PROFOUND words alone can never describe them. Wonders like the beating of two hearts in sync, two souls touching each other through time and space, two people drawn together by something stronger than they can explain, beyond all logic and reason. Your soul is NOT fighting it. Your heart, although cautious, is slowly reaching out a trembling hand to touch that other soul and explore that which seeks you. Something in you unconsciously RESPONDS and it feels RIGHT. When you STOP fighting the feelings and dreams aroused by that touch, you find yourself strangely calm and at PEACE. Your SOUL knows what it wants, even if your heart does not yet fully understand what is happening. TRUST your soul, your intuition, your INSTINCT, because it will NOT lead you wrong."

"Life waits for no one. It casts opportunities your way and if you don’t take hold of them, it snatches them away just as quickly. Sometimes though, it does not give you anything and you have to CREATE those opportunities yourself. You have to be BOLD in going after what you want - if YOU don’t, no one else will do it for you.

Be bold. In your pursuit of life, your pursuit of dreams, your pursuit of passion. Don’t be afraid of what you want. If you’re not given the opportunity, don’t be discouraged; know that there is ALWAYS a way. BELIEVE it.

Be bold. If you want something, it’s up to YOU to MAKE it HAPPEN! Don’t wait until it MIGHT happen for you - take the first step; reach out; use everything you have at your disposal, to find a way to make your desires a reality.

Be bold. When you are bold, you will find things start to happen for you. You find support and encouragement, sources of advice and information, people who can and want to help you. Doors open where before there may have been none.

Be bold. You’ll be surprised at what can happen. The journey might be difficult, with many obstacles placed in your path, but when you are driven to succeed, those obstacles just give you strength.

Be bold. The world notices DOERS, those who have a burning desire to ACHIEVE their goals, and even if it might not agree, it applauds them and provides means to aid in their quest. It might take time, but when you accomplish what you want, it makes everything worth it."

"DREAMS EMPOWER THE SOUL, giving us the STRENGTH to SURVIVE even the harshest of circumstances, the most horrific of tragedies and the deepest despair, giving us HOPE for the FUTURE. Dreams empower the soul, because sometimes they are ALL we have, reminding us of what we DESIRE so DESPERATELY, giving us something to AIM for, even if conditions seem so very beyond the possible of the achievement of them at the time. Dreams empower the soul, for they make us BELIEVE, the faith in the hope in our hearts when we think of them a flame that BURNS FIERCELY in the recesses of even the darkest soul, because NO soul is without a dream, without something so precious that they cannot let go of it and would give anything to see it manifest. Dreams empower the soul, allowing us to see what we TRULY ARE in the spaces of echoes inside us, in the realms we might rarely dare to tread and search, seeking to PROTECT our HEART from that which could creep in and find them, bringing them to our consciousness, creating vulnerability we cannot bear to let anyone see or know of. Dreams empower the soul, providing us the COURAGE to be VULNERABLE to another, to be able to OPEN our HEART once it has been shattered and left scattered through time and space, to be WILLING to let someone else HELP us try to find the pieces and put us back together, to CREATE something NEW and BEAUTIFUL in its own way. Dreams empower the soul, so that we can FACE LIFE and live it WITHOUT FEAR of what may happen, EMBRACING what may come, knowing that things WILL happen and being ready for them, faith that they will only make us STRONGER and VALUE even more that we cherish, HOLDING TIGHT to those dreams, knowing that although they might only be a fantasy now, THEY ARE A FANTASY THAT WE CAN MAKE OUR REALITY."

"When you stop and allow the silence to surround you, that’s when you can hear it: The whispers in your soul that barely get a chance to be heard in the cacophony of the busy movement of the life you lead, sometimes because you do not want to know what those whispers are saying, scared to acknowledge that your heart DOES want what it has always denied to the world. But now you WANT rest; you want to stop, seeking silence, the arms of the one who causes your soul to relax and feel at PEACE, weary from constant movement and just wanting to be able to let down your guard without it provoking attack.

You often sleep in black, your dreams darkness, falling through the emptiness, endless loudness from never being able to turn your mind off. Sometimes now though, when you close your eyes, you can sink into the black, seeking the calm silence where your mind finds peace and not confusion, where thought does not have to be a millions strands all-over-the-place, and you find yourself WANTING that silence, seeking rest for your soul, to LISTEN to those whispers giving HOPE to your heart.

The whispers speak life into your soul, soft hope that had all but nearly gone from existence, renewing the determination of the strength deep down, desiring to follow the path your heart is leading you down, towards the other whispers you can hear. You’ve been a source of comfort and strength for everyone else as long as you can remember; now it is time to allow yourself to seek that peace and be strong for YOURSELF, so that you can experience the most complete joy that life has to offer, that can only be enjoyed if you EMBRACE it, instead of seeing it as just an illusion you think is beautiful and for everyone but you, accepting that it IS true for you too; if you allow it"

Sometimes you have to stop trying to CONTROL everything and just let it HAPPEN. Let go of the fear, the hesitation, the “what if”, everything holding you back from enjoying the moment and the blessings God is giving you. Your heart appreciates the newfound freedom you have found, the joy discovered in the most unlikely of places, the surprising smile glowing in your soul, so stop questioning it and just move WITH it.

There is no rhyme or reason to many things in our lives, yet there is always a purpose to the chaos, a method to the madness, a trigger to the happiness, and if we just ACCEPT that it is happening, eventually we will understand, even if it takes a lifetime to realize. Life OPENS up when YOU do, when you allow your soul to open up to the possibilities waiting out there for you, the dreams you never dared to dream.

Everything in its time, in HIS time, always perfect, just what you need when you need it, even if you don’t KNOW that you need it. Stop running and just LET it happen, allowing yourself room to learn and grow, UNFOLDING your heart and soul the way a bud slowly opens when it wakes to the world, cautiously at first, but then fully, embracing the seasons and what may come.

"Just when you finally muster the courage and WILLINGNESS to open your soul to another, the one who started as a reason but grew to become a lifetime and who you thought gone forever reappears and turns your world upside down, bringing joy and hope, but also immeasurable pain and confusion, because even though you made your peace with it and let go, how you felt never changed even as EVERYthing changed. It is NOT fair on you, nor on the one you have started to open your heart to, but no one ever said life was fair and we must play the hand we are dealt as the cards appear.

Life is a tangled web and we must simply try to live it as BEST we can, untangling the threads twining through, in and over and under our own. Every thread ADDS something to your life, whether through love or loss, colour or black and white, each giving you an experience you will never forget, even the smallest of impressions changing something in your soul. Sometimes that change is MORE than you ever realize until you are suddenly aware of it, and when you are, can become a change so noticeable to the world that its effect ripples through your thread in others’ lives.

You have a choice: The love that made your soul so happy for the first time in forever and changed you in ways you could never imagine, but then destroyed you so completely you wanted to die and never be able to feel again, almost fading from existence without hope. Or the sweet promise of the new bud blooming in your soul, offering the appreciation and care that your life has been missing since forever, making you feel and want to be alive again; the glimpse of true happiness seen once before no longer an illusion but something tangible, tugging at your heart right there in front of you.

Life is a test we are all given, choices we all have to make, and you have only just been able to make your peace with letting that first soul-soaring, heart-wrenching love go. It has taken time, but you have dared to risk opening your heart again, not wanting to let go of the dream that was hidden for so long now brought to light, even if you know that it is a seed that may never break through the surface of life. You have come so far, TOO far to go back, and you do NOT want to go back from the darkness you escaped from; only to move FORWARD with your life, stepping into the new.

Time has a way of deceiving us, thinking we have it when we do not, so we canNOT waste the time we are given when we have it. We cannot go back and expect it to be as it was because it never will be, for everything has changed, especially this soul that has been through so much, broken and battered, but stronger for it, knowing what it must do, the path it must take, the decision that will change everything from here on out. It has taken all that time, all that experience, love and loss, ecstasy and pain, but your soul HAS been OPENED and it must STAY that way, each thread a brilliant gleam or soft glow tangled with your own."

"That face. Those words. These actions. There is an entirely DIFFERENT world going on behind these eyes looking out at the rest of this world. A world most will never see or know of, because they concern themselves with only what APPEARS to be and never bother to look BENEATH the surface to what IS.

Never let what you SEE dictate what you KNOW. There is a soul behind those eyes that you can now see glimmer through that stayed hidden for so long. There is a heart mashed in there somewhere deep down that wants to have no fear but hesitates sometimes, because it remembers what hurt is like as if it were not a memory, even though it knows the people in the now are NOT those of the past. There is constant pain of body, pushed through DAILY, sometimes an accomplishment all itself, just being able to move and appear “normal” and “ok”.

Everyone has something you will likely NEVER know of, so before you assume or judge, ASK. You might be surprised by what you discover. You might be surprised by the person you find. Life is a miracle and we are ALL miracles in it. VALUE it and always seek the seed of a soul, not the bud that appears to close itself to the world.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

*Now to give the details of what kind of husband I am and what I suffered through...*

Sharing my thoughts to defend myself here. She has painted this picture of me being this horrible person and this monster. I am not that person. 

I gave this women everything I had. She gave me a half-hearted effort back in return and took all she could from me.

The things that caused me to react negatively toward her are this...

-Lack of intimacy
-chastising me for giving her a compliment
-rotten comments about other women (low self-esteem)
-Very sadistic negative comments about men
-Horrible comments about the United States (I am damn proud to be an American and I will never be ashamed for that).
-Telling me that if she ever got pregnant she would do everything she could to get rid of it. The hard part here is that she always flip-flopped. There would be days where she said she would be ok with having a family with me. She said to my 13 year old nephew that I was it and that she would never get married again. 
She acted though as she was obligated to come to the hospital with me during my doctor checkups for me instead of caring and just supporting me. She acted like a spoiled brat child at the clinic and really embarrassed me because she sat down in the chair tapping her feet and bouncing her leg and grinding her lips (in other words displaying ADHD behavior)
-This woman wrote down in her book every time we had sex, how much she had to eat, when she went to the bathroom, and had to always tell me about her periods in great detail and tell me about her bowel movements...no guy wants to hear that stuff unless there is a real problem there that could be cause for concern. She would write down how much water she would take in everyday. Every quote she heard from a tv show. I mean she literally wrote down everything.
-I could massage her for hours...kiss up and down her body (make real hints that I want sex and she would never give it to me, but I would never force the issue either...my moves were aggressive enough...I would never violate a woman).
-She wouldn't let me go down on her very often and I love to do it as a means to make sex more enjoyable and for comfortable pleasure for her (I am not a small guy in that area and I understand that so I am willing to make sure my woman is not in pain). She is a very petite woman...5'1" 105lbs. I am a giant man @ 6'4" 285lbs.
-I love to have wild, passionate sex with great kissing action...I love kissing and I love making love. However, she said to me kissing really does turn you on huh? Its like wow, you just now caught on (she said that about a year ago).

Now a big problem and this what completely F*cks me up. I am the only man she has had sex with or so I thought. Well on our honeymoon I had to be incredibly gentle and patient with her which was fine because I love her...I truly do despite what I may say out of anger now and I feel like an idiot for loving her like I do. 

She dealt with immense pain that first time and it took a long time before she could really enjoy sex with me. It was a chore at first because it was such a battle for me to make penetration. It hurt her and I knew that so I tried to be as gentle as I could. It took an hour and a half for me to go all the way in because she was in so much pain. I was not rough with her until out of frustration she told me to just jab it in. I did and it took about 10 mins after before we could really get going. 

I put up with that because I am a gentle man and I do love my wife. 

I never ever took advantage of her in a negative way sexually. I never forced sex, I never violated her or did anything without her consent. 

Some of the other problems I put up with...when she first came over here to the US I supported her. Once we got married and she was granted her conditional residency I was patient waiting for her to try to get a job. Well then I got frustrated because it didn't seem like she was trying. I felt she was completely comfortable with me working and she didn't have to do anything. Well then I blew my knee out so I was laid up for 6 months and I had to quit that job because I needed a lot more time for recovery and I believe it was my job that led to my injury. During that time it was rough because the tables were turned and she had to support me and she wasn't happy about having to do it either. Well it took me a while to get another job, but when I did we were both hired and the job took us down to texas.

This was the first time we got to be on our own together. We got to live in a hotel and it was just her and I. I was a fitness sales person and she was the personal trainer. We worked at 2 different clubs together in two different cities. We had fun together down there Until at the second facility she screwed up the job and it was because of her **** attitude. She put me in the roughest spot of all. My boss because he really liked me tried to keep her on in a different capacity so that there would be a secondary income. However, it is like my wife wanted me to quit and take her side and I defended my wife...she just doesn't understand that and I did what was best for the both of us...I stuck it out at the job even though I began to hate it because I had to support us. This is where she thinks I let her down and I wasn't there for her when she needed me the most which is total BS. Here is what happened. When we were down there we were staying in the Hampton Inn in a luxury suite...our boss had worked out the trade so it was a good deal. Well she got spoiled. 

She loved that room too much and when found out we were to going to have switch to a different hotel because our job was going to last longer she went me the first night and put up a fuss because she didn't like the holiday inn express (seriously how ungrateful) well we found out that the room we had was still checked in for us for another 30 days because it was a glitch in the system so she I took her back there. The bad part here is that I stayed in the other hotel because I had to so nothing would get said. I put my ass on the line for my wife and I took advantage of a situation just to appease this woman. Well me working 13-14 hour days I didn't really want to talk and she decided she wanted to say in that room. So she went through some crisis and says I wasn't there for her. Well to be honest it is her fault for that then because she wanted to be in that room and she never muttered a word about what was going on.

I may not be the most tidy guy, but my wife had the audacity to complain about me being messy when I was busting my ass to support the both of us. 

When we came back home after that trip things had changed for sure. Once back home I was the one who always made dinner, spoiled her and ordered out. I did all the dishes, I took out the trash (she couldn't even bring the trash bins back up to the house). She did the laundry and that was it. Moreover, the only things I may be lazy about...clothes (I don't always put them away...I leave things out for easy access (this became a habit once I married her (a sign of depression?) and I have never been good about getting rid of paperwork and mail. 

Now to add on here...I went back to texas to this job without my wife so again I could support her. I sent money back home to my mom for bills and money for my wife so she could get by with food and stuff. I called her nearly everyday. I missed some days because I would just be too zapped and emotionally drained from the all talking and work I had to do at work. 

So I was down in texas for 3 months without my wife. I went through hell for her. My first hotel trade was botched so I had to move 2 weeks in and it was during then I was forced to stay in 3 different hotels in 3 different nights because my boss screwed up (he did at least pay for those nights). Then I was forced to stay in the scumbag cheap motel for a week because that was all the money I could afford to give up...I had to pay out of my own pocket for a week. I was supposed to be reimbursed. I never was. 

After all that I came back home and I had quit that job. You would think my wife would have been happy to see me, but no...not at all. I missed her and of course I wanted sex...Well it has now been 4 months since I have been back home and in that span of 7 months we had sex 2 times. 

The thing that really got under my skin with her and sex...she would go workout and then would want me to have sex with her...its like I don't want to have sex with you when you are all sweaty and nasty. Its like really? Treat it like a chore. We always had to do it on her time and her conditions. 

Now the real horrible things that stung me deeply that she doesn't understand how bad it hurt me. Asking me hypothetical questions. Asking me if I would think she was sexy if I wasn't her husband or thought she was attractive, or beautiful, or want to have sex with her. Asking me stuff like that hurt. I mean I am her husband, why would I want to think like I am not her husband?

Well getting to the end here...once I came back home I was without work for 2 months. I then got a temp job, but it only lasted 2 months and I was let go. Once that happened everything has went off the rails. I have been without work since then. When I did have that job every friday night was our time and we spent time together on the weekend. The day I called in sick she was happy that she would get to cuddle with me and watch some shows. But without the job she all of a sudden never had time for me. She pretty much made excuses to not spend time with me. I have been trying to get a job and it is hard. I am young, have a year of supervisory experience and a Master's Degree in Psychology...you would think I would get my fair chance, but no.

Now, for the other betrayal I have had to deal with...a friend I used to very close with is her upper boss (part-owner) and whom she is supposedly staying with (with him and his fiance) quit being friends long ago because he was hurt I did not ask him to come to my wedding and other issues involved. My wife and I did not have a wedding. We just went to the courthouse and had my mom and brother as witnesses. The funny part to this is that he thought my wife didn't like him when we all hung out way back when. Well fast forward to when I came back from Texas. I found out she got a job as a personal trainer and I was happy for her. Well I swallowed my pride and called this guy and told him that all I wanted was for my wife to get a fair chance. I was trying to patch things up with him and then he made a comment that just put a hole in me...he said for the first time in my life I made $100,000 last year and uh yeah man I don't live a very practical life. That made me realize he wasn't a friend no more because he had to throw that in my face.

Now to be clear I don't suspect he is the one she is with. No, her direct boss is the one she is with.

This is where my true heart comes in. She is writing all these things in her motivationals knowing I read them and then she is all happy and she has this happy picture with her boss's kid (no pics of just her and him have surfaced, but reading the motivationals and seeing that pic of her and his kid with the caption of his name as the one who took the photograph drove a dagger in me). For two reasons, it was the realization that yes she has cheated on me and secondly...how can she be all happy and in the clouds and take this picture with a kid and act all family like when she couldn't be like that for me? I got all of the ****. She used me as her stepping stone. I know I deserve better than that and yet I love this woman. I mean she didn't even have the decency to tell me it is over and say she has been with another man. I was just supposed to deduce this all myself by reading her motivationals.

I knew she was going to be moving out so that isn't the shock...we had a discussion that she was going to stay with that ex buddy of mine through the winter so she would closer to work (30 mins away) because of the rough weather and she didn't want to drive in the night and deal with the drive late at night in nasty weather (hey that is all fine and everything once in a while, but to move in down there?) Now I truly believe she didn't move in with my ex buddy, but rather her boss and this guy she has been ****ing around on me with.

I mean isn't her place with her husband? Especially when truthfully I need her more than at any other time during my marriage? We are married....this isn't boyfriend-girlfriend ****. You don't just get to split up and break up with them. No there are consequences. There are vows dammit!!!! She mentions this whatever guy and his feelings and whatever is going isn't fair on him, but seriously what about me her husband? How is this fair to me? There has been no communication. I have tried to give her space and let her be an individual. I have not tried to control her. I just want her to be my damn wife ya know? I haven't talked to her since last friday. 

The bottom line here is that I actually did treat this woman like a queen. I was just not treated the same back in return. She ripped my heart out and then chewed me up and spit me out and threw me away like I never meant anything and I am this piece of garbage. No one deserves this....No ONE!!!!

Ok ladies and guys to...I am at your mercy here. Give me your thoughts. 

What do I do here? I mean I can't even file for divorce (I have no money) and to be honest with you...the thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach even though that is most likely going to be my end result. Marriage is a big deal to me. I know I made my mistakes, but what she has done to me there is no way my mistakes should have led to this. 

How can you be that selfish, self-absorbed, and heartless? How do you consciously use your husband for everything you can when really despite my flaws and mistakes I made. I truly did do whatever I could to be a good husband.

I mean the hard part for me is that I am left in this purgatory hell of what do I do? Yeah I love her even though I shouldn't...I can't deny that. It is not fair to me that she gets to be all happy and leave me with all this. I cannot date another woman (I never cheated on my wife and it was never even a consideration...the porn thing was honestly just a physical thing for a release and nothing more). 

I mean how do you forgive a woman who has done something like this to you? I put in the work and I was a loving husband. I can't get it out of my head that she would cheat on me. Even the thought of another man having my wife just crushes me even though I don't know if she had sex with him because of how weird she is with sex. The emotional cheating I am 100% about. That hurts beyond belief, but I could forgive that, but the physical aspect...it makes me sick.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

I should add that I never threw her out, but yes I did threaten it. However, I couldn't do it because I can't be that heartless. All she really had over was ME. Hell her whole life over here is because of ME. I get no appreciation. No acknowledgement. No dedication. 

Am I wrong for handling things the way I have?

Am I a weak man? 

Do I try talking to her, or should I just stick to the let it all go and don't speak to her?

I mean this is what sucks, I am truly trapped and left with nothing. I am fortunate that I have a great family and I have the best friends in the world, but still I feel horrible for wearing them out with this pain that I am feeling. 

I do not know how to cope with this. I am a strong man, but this ripped me of my pride, my confidence, everything and I really do have to go about this alone and that just isn't fair. Marriage takes two and I left here in the dust to rot like this? No support from her. I will say this much...I will not be the type to seek any monetary support from her through divorce. Really I just want the pain and the hurt to go away because I have been stripped of everything.

Do any of you feel this marriage was a sham? Did she use me just to get into this country?

I need help. I need perspective. I need to be treated like a human being.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Mental note to self:

Never engage in serious relationships with self centered b!tches!


OP, this part here:



> First, the worst thing that has ever happened in my marriage is that my wife caught me watching porn. I did it and I do not expect to be absolved from it. In essence, I have a reason, but there is no excuse. I F*cked up...period! My reasoning...our intimacy was seriously lacking as in we hadn't had sex for 3 months.


Seriously? Your wife that refused sex for 3 months caught you watching porn and you feel guilty about that? You are genuinely a "nice guy".


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

*I am trying to empty it all out just it is out of my system...*

The floodgates are open and I have never felt or been so vulnerable.

Other things I thought about...she wrote these daily motivationals on my computer because she ruined both of her laptops. I busted my butt to fix her laptop and clean up her mess and no I didn't snoop around. I trusted her too much.

I feel like an idiot and wonder to myself...how could you write these motivationals on my computer? 

I mean I really did everything for her.

The real feelings of bitterness I have right now is that I feel like she has not enriched my life at all and I am not saying that out of spite. Other loving her she hasn't done **** for me. I enriched her life to the fullest. I protected her, stood up and defended her, taught her how to drive a manual car (my car), let her have the freedom to be independent, fixed her computers for her, taught her all about supplementation and gave her tips she didn't know about as a personal trainer. 

To anyone who reads my story...understand I am not trying to deceive or try to make people hate my wife or any of that nonsense. I just want to be heard and have my side of the story put out there. It is a terrible feeling when you feel that your wife has tried to make appear like something you are and blowing things out of proportion and really stretching things for as far as she can take them. I admit my wrongs and own up to them and I can be honest and say I know I am not a bad person. I could never be evil like this. It is not in my nature. 

I am not a religious person. I have never felt comfortable in church. However, do not take that the wrong way...I am very spiritual. I pray, I believe god is looking down upon me and I believe my god is watching over my father as he is watching down on me and trying to help me find a light to guide me through these dark times.

Really, I think the hardest part of all this is that I feel robbed of getting a fair chance in life with my wife because of unfortunate circumstances.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Mental note to self:
> 
> Never engage in serious relationships with self centered b!tches!
> 
> ...


I prefer to be. I learned from my ways of being an ******* and I still can be quite the mean SOB, but marriage means something to me. I mean when you say I do...it is something I take to heart. Through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer and until death do you part. 

BTW...thank you chiming in. It is welcome and please feel free to give me any criticism and opinions you feel are necessary.

Forgot to add something...I am a nice guy, but I am not that "nice guy" as you would think. She broke me down and I feel that the reason my emotions are all f*cked up is because I needed her for support monetarily. I mean these are needy times. I have to live with my mom. I stayed with my mom after my father passed away because she couldn't handle everything. I mean I hate to sound like I am a user here, but yeah I really need her help because its like my mother can't work anymore and she gets social security and I have to live like a loser and have my mother take care of me and worry about if I won't be out on the street. No bullsh*t. Its not that I am not trying to get a job. Hell I hate being unemployed. I am used to working 50-60 hours a week and busting my ass, but now I have nothing.

Cheers!


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

So have you thought out your next moves?


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> So have you thought out your next moves?


Been working through it. I mean this hitting me right before the holidays and not having a job makes thing quite rough. 

The part that really pisses me off is that it feels like I am really stuck and damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I needed to do this though. I have been broken. I am a strong willed, iron-fisted, stubborn, and driven man, but she broke me down. I mean I know what I appear to be right now. I appear to be the nice guy who got trampled all over. I am a good hearted and good natured guy, but at the end of the day I am still a very dominant male. I just let my own feelings cloud my judgment and bring me down. I accept the fact that I have to go through is and get my sh*t back together though. 

I guess in all of it I am just trying to seek out my own flaws because yeah I need to be done with this relationship, but I sure as hell want to improve myself and pick myself back up and come back with a vengeance. 

The one move I have been contemplating is calling immigration fraud services and of course divorce is where this has to go. For me the reason it is hard is because I don't think it is so much her, but I hate the idea of having a failed marriage. I am just one of those old fashioned believers that marriage is not something you trample upon. Vows are sacred. However, apparently my wife didn't get that memo. 

Cheers!


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Oh boy this is one complex situation. I hope Machiavelli will be online
Soon. He will know what to do/handle this situation.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> Oh boy this is one complex situation. I hope Machiavelli will be online
> Soon. He will know what to do/handle this situation.


Hey that is what I am really looking for. Guidance. Help. I am dealing with a woman who has no clue how serious marriage is. 

I do not want to be bitter and just want to get through my grieving process and move on with life. 

I have to really chalk it up as a very painful learning experience.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Alucard19 said:


> Hey that is what I am really looking for. Guidance. Help. I am dealing with a woman who has no clue how serious marriage is.
> 
> I do not want to be bitter and just want to get through my grieving process and move on with life.
> 
> I have to really chalk it up as a very painful learning experience.


I understand. Im just hope Mac will be around soon.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How long has you known your wife?


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

that_girl said:


> How long has you known your wife?


I have known her for 5 years. The one part I just started thinking about and making me realize how stupid of a man I am is that when we first started talking she was with someone else. She had told me she was roommates with the guy out of necessity because they had been together for a while and they were stuck together because of the lease and whatever, but that their relationship was over. I never would have went anywhere with her had I known their relationship wasn't really over. She lied to me about that and I was the other man. I feel horrible for that guy because I didn't really know. I would never engage in a relationship with a woman who was not single...period! My mother raised me right. 

In truth, I am an idiot and I fell hook, line, and sinker. I think I really just wanted it to be true and I enjoyed the thought of being in love. Man am I ever a sucker....*Gibbs smack to the back of the head (from the show NCIS if anyone catches that).

Cheers!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Alucard19 said:


> The one thing I make no bones about is that I am all man and I am a true alpha male. However, I have felt pretty un-alpha like in my marriage for the past 2 months.


Your posts/story and how you've been acting...all these scream Beta.

You were too weak to show her boundaries ever since you knew her the first time. And it starts with letting her share a room with another guy [even if you didn't know they were in a relationship at them]. An alpha male wouldn't have allowed this.

Let's not talk about dozens of situations where you could have handled things differently. 
Just when you needed your alphaness the most, you lost it.

But yeah, Machi is needed here.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Your posts/story and how you've been acting...all these scream Beta.
> 
> You were too weak to show her boundaries ever since you knew her the first time. And it starts with letting her share a room with another guy [even if you didn't know they were in a relationship at them]. An alpha male wouldn't have allowed this.
> 
> ...


Well...here is the story. I took her word for it. Unfortunately, this was an internet connection at first. She is from New Zealand. We met through being a part of the same supplement company. We were both brought on as reps. I feel like an idiot because looking back on it, I was foolish to get married to her because I didn't get to know her well enough in person before we got married (again...very foolish and I went against everyone on it and I am paying for it now). Even the most alpha of males and strongest of males can get had. 

Trust me I see the beta in my actions and it makes me sick. Hell even my friends asked me what the hell happened to me? 

So thanks for your criticism. It is appreciated. This is what I need to hear. I do not want people tip-toeing around what they think because they think my feelings need to be protected. That is BS. Honestly, I need and can take the criticism. The point of receiving criticism is to use it to make myself stronger and to apply it constructively to get back what made me who I am. I really lost myself and I really feel what the root cause of my self-destruction is the depression that set in not being able to get work. I am a fighter though and I am not giving up. I have to get my sh*t together and realize I was played as the fool and that it can happen to anyone.

Cheers!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

By now even you must realize you was used to get here.
Well what you do now is file for annulment bc of fraud.
What country is she from.

And no it's not revenge. It's the right thing to do.
Her actions say she didn't want to get too attached to you and the family, bc she KNEW she was leaving.
Now that she thinks it's safe to D you and be allowed to stay,,,,,, YEP she threw you away.
I don't care how you do it, but get the money and file marriage fraud against her.
You may even want to go to immigration to get it started.

I actually KNOW women who would accept payment from jamacians to marry so they could stay after the sugarcane season was over. Lots of them did it dude, so women from other countries do it to come here. 
The Russians or eastern europe girls along with the phillipines are good for it too.
Live and learn, but we have enough like her without importing more. Bust her butt, and send her back.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dissing my Mom would have seen her going back anyway.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

Yeah I do realize it. Hell there are a lot of things going on in my head right now. Divorce and Deport (whether she gets deported or not who knows, but I want to make sure I am not on the hook for her being here) are my plans of action.

Another thing that has come into play. The pain is always going to be there, but honestly I got to thinking and I went back over some of my own psychology papers I have written and perused back over some of my research and I really do think my wife is bipolar...which would explain a lot of her behavior. Regardless, even if she is bipolar she will not be absolved from her actions and behavior. My brother's ex-wife is bipolar and my wife's behavior is adding up pretty similar to hers. She may have bipolar disorder, but that may be the reason, but it sure as hell is not an excuse.

Now I think I understand why I was so damn confused and why this messed me up so much. I had to stop and remove my emotions from this ordeal and think about it objectively and put my educational background to good use. More than anything I am disappointed in myself for not using my head sooner and realizing that hey I have a Master's Degree in Psychology...a lot of good that is doing if I am not using and applying the knowledge I have (DUH). Cue the I have seen the light music....Hallelujah. 

Again I believe why I reacted like this is a combination of being blinded by love and dealing with my own depression of feeling useless because of being without a job (it is a hard pill to swallow not working and being able to support everything since that is what I am used to doing). I expected my wife to pick up the slack as I always had, but now I see that was an unrealistic expectation. 

I should slap my self (slap) for not thinking about things this way sooner. 

I needed a forum to vent this and get all this out and through all this talking I figured out quite a bit. I fell victim to letting my emotions take over (which is quite odd for me, but I am human...**** happens). I should have used my head from the beginning. 

BTW...I think it always bothered my wife that she could not break the bond that I have with my mother and my family in general. I keep my loved ones close to me and I am fiercely loyal and protective...my wife got put in her place when it came to my mother and I never chose a side. I did my best to keep the peace.

What a huge reality check this is for me. Its like hey, wake the F*ck up and get your sh*t in order. 

Note to self and advice to others...knowledge is power. Don't ever disregard your knowledge (education) and accept the fact you are human and that emotion will cloud your thinking and judgment. You just have to let mother nature takes its course and fight through your emotions but don't ever lose sight of the tools you yourself have at your disposal.

To everyone...thanks for putting up with my crap. It is appreciated.

Cheers!


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

BTW, one thing that can really mess with a man's emotions is thinking with his d*ck too much. I think I became too consumed thinking about the lack of sex and making that too much of a focal point of the problems. What I should have done is thought about it as a whole instead of focusing in on one big problem. In other words, always think about the big picture. 

Cheers!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Seems to me that you are better off without her. The love will pass and you can move on.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Seems to me that you are better off without her. The love will pass and you can move on.


Yes indeed. Talking to everyone and really evaluating everything I just have to own this mistake and accept it. How my family felt from the start and what many of my acquaintances really felt is that my marriage was a sham and that it was only a matter of time. So in essence, this woman did me a huge favor and woke me up. It lit a fire under my ass to back control of my life and get going. The woe is me feeling sorry for myself and feeling hopeless is done. I may be without work, but I have too much going for me. I am still young, I am well educated, I have a great family, and the best friends anyone could ask for. 

This has been tough, but at least now I have been able to put everything into perspective and have a rather quick turnaround. I am not running on anger or out for revenge. I am thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. Talking to the right friends helped me dig through all the emotional bull**** and really see this woman for what she is. I was duped and she is a gold digger and was out only to destroy me from the start. The good news is that I do not have any children with her. Thank you God! 

I have read some of the immigration marriage horror stories and now they make me laugh because its like damn....that is me. I was a sucker...there is no other way around it. 

Additionally, the funny thing about this is that I do not suffer from self-esteem issues or have I ever had any trouble getting women. I have had good relationships and I have been some attractive women. I know I am not the best looking guy, but hell I know I am not ugly or unattractive. 

I am laughing at myself because its like yeah I did deserve this...its like what the hell where did my balls go? 

The real game changer here for me was realizing I should have relied upon my education much sooner. Oh well, better late than never. 

Listening to my music Five Finger Death Punch now all of a sudden means more to me than just giving me that motivation to workout. Instead now the words in the music resonate within and give me that well deserved kick in the balls to remind me I am a MAN and I just have to be ME and do for ME. 

A song of power for anyone who has fallen prey to a situation of a spouse cheating or allowing themselves to be duped like me and being taken advantage of.

"Wicked Ways"


I should've seen this
From a mile away
I should've never let you get that deep inside
You're an actress
I can't believe a word
You'd say anything to get anywhere in life

Stumble back to where you came from
Wide awake and falling on your faith
You've got an evil wicked way
Of saying I love you, I'd love to
Tear away from everything you are
You've got an evil wicked way about you, I hate you!

Like a virus
That spread throughout my veins
You're incurable and such a waste of time
You're an angel
But only in your head,
You'd hurt anyone
To get anything in life
Slither back to where you came from

Wide awake and falling on your faith
You've got an evil wicked way
Of saying I love you, I'd love to
Tear away from everything you are
You've got an evil wicked way about you, I hate you!

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are? (so cold)
Who do you think you are? (so cold)
Who do you think you are? (so cold)

Wide awake and falling on your faith
You've got an evil wicked way
Of saying I love you, I'd love to
Tear away from everything you are
You've got an evil wicked way about you, I hate you!

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are? 

If you are not into hard rock perhaps you may not like it. If you are into hard rock...embrace this song and let it help guide you toward fighting back and pulling yourself up from the depths of despair.

I appreciate this site for giving me a forum to get all my thoughts and emotions out in the open so I could reflect on everything. Sometimes spoken word is just not enough. 

I appreciate all the responses as well. Thank you.

Cheers!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One of my nieces is getting married in a few weeks to a guy from Mexico.. he's illegal. 

It's clear why he wants to marry her. I'm so concerned that her story is going to end up a lot like yours. 

But when someone things they are in love they do not listen do they?

Some of life's lessons are hard and expensive.

Just think, if you had not lost your job she would still be using you.

Sometimes blessings come in the oddest forms.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> One of my nieces is getting married in a few weeks to a guy from Mexico.. he's illegal.
> 
> It's clear why he wants to marry her. I'm so concerned that her story is going to end up a lot like yours.
> 
> ...


When people are in love they are blind. It is rather unfortunate. Honestly, one thing I would do...try to talk to your niece and ask her if she really understand what she is getting herself into. I am stuck with a huge mess, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

The thing she needs to understand is that she will most likely be on the hook for this guy for 10 years as a sponsor. The best thing you can do for her is take that route. Additionally, the real rough part...once you take on an immigrant...expect it to be expensive. I know right now I have a long, hard road ahead of me and that it is going to cost me. I do believe I will be able to find the resources necessary to pull off getting out from underneath this mess though. I do have some good connections and a great support network to help me so I am fortunate.

My own idiocy really taught me a hard lesson. Now in truth all I want to do is help people and give them knowledge to help them really be able to understand all the different perspectives that have to be taken into account.

As weird as this is...this was a great forum for me to join. I have always wanted to help people and use my knowledge, experience and education. 

Now I feel like I can. If my story helps even just one person I have done my job.

Cheers!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Alucard19 said:


> BTW, one thing that can really mess with a man's emotions is thinking with his d*ck too much. I think I became too consumed thinking about the lack of sex and making that too much of a focal point of the problems. What I should have done is thought about it as a whole instead of focusing in on one big problem. In other words, always think about the big picture.
> 
> Cheers!


So, you're a typical guy. Nothing wrong with that, although that gets us into alot of trouble alot of the time


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Alucard19 said:


> When people are in love they are blind. It is rather unfortunate. Honestly, one thing I would do...try to talk to your niece and ask her if she really understand what she is getting herself into. I am stuck with a huge mess, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
> 
> The thing she needs to understand is that she will most likely be on the hook for this guy for 10 years as a sponsor. The best thing you can do for her is take that route. Additionally, the real rough part...once you take on an immigrant...expect it to be expensive. I know right now I have a long, hard road ahead of me and that it is going to cost me. I do believe I will be able to find the resources necessary to pull off getting out from underneath this mess though. I do have some good connections and a great support network to help me so I am fortunate.
> 
> ...


Other family members have tried to talk to her. She just cries to her daddy (my brother) and he jumps all over the family members. It's a lost cause. I'm upset about it but there is nothing I can do except turn him into immigration. By brother is afraid that if that happens she'll just follow him down to Mexico. Women are pretty stupid when in love as well.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Other family members have tried to talk to her. She just cries to her daddy (my brother) and he jumps all over the family members. It's a lost cause. I'm upset about it but there is nothing I can do except turn him into immigration. By brother is afraid that if that happens she'll just follow him down to Mexico. Women are pretty stupid when in love as well.


That is rather unfortunate. Hey we are all humans. Sh*t happens. Mistakes are not what define you. It is how you learn from them that define you.

Cheers!


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> So, you're a typical guy. Nothing wrong with that, although that gets us into alot of trouble alot of the time


Your damn right I am a typical guy in that sense. I love sex and have an insane sex drive. I am not making any bones about that, but yeah it certainly does tend to get us men into a lot of trouble. LOL.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

like how you are writing now.

you'll be fine my man


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Okay, so you watch porn because your spouse wont have sex with you........so? 
What WWs do is they feel guilty for having the affair - so they "trump up" ALL the mistakes their spouse ever made.
When it first happened to me I was so confused that my ex (who was normally so accepting and easygoing) started bringing up stuff that happened 25 years ago.....I know now why. 
This stuff about alpha male and 180 is 100% correct - I realize now I allowed her to gain control of relationship and my life and as a result, she lost respect for me. Women say they want "nice guys" but truth is they respect alpha males. 
My marriage is over but I have something more valuable - my self respect...truth is, the affair has little to do with you and more to do about her and her lack of character. If you have to work to get someone's respect - let them go. You will be working for a lifetime. Many others will give it to you because they are good people.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> Okay, so you watch porn because your spouse wont have sex with you........so?
> What WWs do is they feel guilty for having the affair - so they "trump up" ALL the mistakes their spouse ever made.
> When it first happened to me I was so confused that my ex (who was normally so accepting and easygoing) started bringing up stuff that happened 25 years ago.....I know now why.
> This stuff about alpha male and 180 is 100% correct - I realize now I allowed her to gain control of relationship and my life and as a result, she lost respect for me. Women say they want "nice guys" but truth is they respect alpha males.
> My marriage is over but I have something more valuable - my self respect...truth is, the affair has little to do with you and more to do about her and her lack of character. If you have to work to get someone's respect - let them go. You will be working for a lifetime. Many others will give it to you because they are good people.


So true. Women do not want a B*tch for a mate. They want a MAN who is not afraid to be a MAN. As men we have to take the lead. My actions and behavior may have screamed beta, but in reality...I am not the weak, broken down man I appeared to be. I just needed a place to get all this sh*t out. My pride gets in my way a lot of the time and it tends to bite me in the a$$ and I just wanted to have a public forum where I could get various opinions and see my own words and thoughts...giving your thoughts and words physical appearance gives you strength and helps you sort out the sh*t in your head. 

My wife is very troubled and she had an agenda from the start so I do not blame myself for a damn thing anymore. She has many issues and well her life is just about to crushed and turned upside down. She is going to get taught a valuable life lesson...actions and behaviors have serious consequences. Marriage is a serious thing and not something to be taken lightly. You can't just play the game of use, abuse, cheat, and leave and think that is the end of it. This isn't high school where you are boyfriend-girlfriend and you do the breakup get back together pattern and not have to worry about serious repercussions. No marriage is the real deal and there are legal ramifications involved.

Sometimes you just need to get your a$$ verbally handed to you to wake the hell up. Everyone needs to be called out from time to time and have some tough love thrown at them. The truth isn't supposed to always be little floating clouds and rainbows...the truth hurts and keeps you grounded to reality. If you are worried about getting your feelings hurt you will never grow. You just have to be man enough to handle the truth, deal with it, and use it to your advantage.


My brother said something to me that really made sense to me, which is that if I could handle my father's death like I did then this situation isn't sh*t. That is the truth. I am the youngest of 3 boys. My two brothers are 16 and 18 years older than me respectively, but they had a different biological father (my father was DAD to them). My brothers were crushed and could not handle the situation so I took the reigns and took care of business. 

My father passed away 8 years ago and I was the one to find him and realize he had passed away in his sleep (he died peacefully...fell asleep watching ESPN and never woke up because he congestive heart failure). He was only 58 years old. Realizing my father was gone wasn't the hard part. The hard part was walking down the hallway and waking my mom up to tell her that dad was gone. Truly an excruciating moment. I kept myself together and handled all of the business until my brother and my aunt took me to the bar and got me drunk so that I would breakdown and let my tears out and let the grieving process begin. I honestly don't really like alcohol, but sometimes it does serve a purpose for me...it softens me up. 

Anyway, my father's death was a blessing in disguise to though. My father was an alpha male type and he was having a hard time not being "The Man" anymore...he was a local legend in sports. My father was not meant to be an old man and he lived a full life and he lived it his way.

I have so much coming out of me now because I have been dealing with so much frustration for the longest time and it took this situation to let it all out. Even with the education I have I am human and have my own flaws and issues to deal with. 

So this situation of mine...I will come out on top and I will become stronger. 

Cheers!


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> like how you are writing now.
> 
> you'll be fine my man


Yes that I will. Perhaps the best thing for me has been learning to humble myself and letting my elders share their wisdom with me. 

No matter how smart you think you are or how educated you may be there is just no replacement for life experience. When someone has years of experience on you...you listen. I have listened and I am all the more wise for doing so now. 

So again...I thank you.

Cheers!


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I am not sure what you want ladies opinions on. I guess general? But your posts are so long and convoluted, they become difficult to read (I think mine were too when I 1st posted here). I guess though that getting your thoughts down, if only for yourself, is useful in itself.

As for my thoughts on what you have written, you may have your issues, and porn is not one of them, but she sounds totally selfish, rude, a user, take take take and no give.....just pure out for herself and all else can get to fu*k. 

My opinion is that you should thank your lucky stars she left you, and start improving your life now that she is gone. And if she comes to her senses, don't take her back. Don't even talk to her, don't entertain her. She is damaged goods.

Oh yeah, and she cheated.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

Remains said:


> I am not sure what you want ladies opinions on. I guess general? But your posts are so long and convoluted, they become difficult to read (I think mine were too when I 1st posted here). I guess though that getting your thoughts down, if only for yourself, is useful in itself.
> 
> As for my thoughts on what you have written, you may have your issues, and porn is not one of them, but she sounds totally selfish, rude, a user, take take take and no give.....just pure out for herself and all else can get to fu*k.
> 
> ...


Hey man I know I am a mess which is why I am here. Getting my thoughts out helps me and keeps me strong and keeps my mind busy. I am strong, but man I have been through hell in the past three years and it has taken a lot out of me. My mother flat out said that my life went down the tubes as soon as she came over because even my mother and brothers noticed just how bad things kept happening to me that were out of my control. She was a black cloud of despair. Truly a devil in disguise and here is the kicker...she talks all this holier than thou bullsh*t about God and faith, and whatever else. Hey I am sorry, but she is just one messed up broad and no amount praying is going to save her from the sh*t storm coming her way. 

She is going to get hers. Divorce and I am filing a complaint with USCIS about marriage immigration fraud. After evaluating everything it is pretty obvious that she never entered into the marriage faithfully (that part was what I was still researching). She always fought me over taking my last name and she never acknowledged me as her husband and did not contribute to the marriage. Additionally, our sex life was absolute garbage and she moved out (so in the eyes of the USCIS this is probably going to be a slam dunk case for me). 

I know her permanent residency status is still pending and has not been approved yet so I am going to do my best to get out from underneath this worthless woman.

What makes my case to USCIS even stronger is that I learned she borrowed money ($5000) to come over here and she never paid the guy back. It was the distributor over in Australia and New Zealand for the company we were working for. Now even if she doesn't get deported I will at least be able to be off the hook for her and she will forever have the USCIS to deal with as they do not take too kindly to immigrants who abuse US citizens by marrying them to get a green card.

Additionally, this is her pattern of behavior...be good for two years or so and then rinse, recycle, repeat. She screwed over the man she was with before me the same way no doubt.

So hell yeah this is a blessing and I free from the ball and chain and the black evil cloud of destruction and despair. This was God's way of helping me see the light...lol.

Cheers!


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

As for wanting women's opinions...it is my educational background in me and curiosity. I actually try to understand women (very stupid to think that is possible though). In essence, what my thought process was...I wanted to get an opinion from women to see if they could understand her way of thinking and so forth and to see if there was something I was missing at first. However, now, hell no man I am not missing a damn thing. Sh*t the truth is...I was just being an idiot and not accepting what I knew to be the truth. Damn emotions...

Now what really pisses me off...all this sh*t is out in the public and all these people have no clue just how evil she really is. The facebook sh*t just cracks me up...its like wow you have to be kidding me. How do you respect someone like this woman? The answer is...you don't. For saying all the bullsh*t she has about me...good lord what planet is she from? I mean when I see some of that crap I am thinking to myself...huh? Where is this coming from? I am not an abuser nor am I unreasonable, and honestly the only times I was ever verbally abusive was when she provoked me with her incredibly negative opinions about my family and the U.S. Sure I have my flaws like everyone else, but everyone I have talked to (even some of her acquaintances) said the same thing to me...how could she do that to you after all you did for her? Hey the answer is...it was her plan from the beginning. I was just too stupid and smitten to open my eyes. 

Now it is time to clean this mess up and put this b*tch through the ringer.

Cheers!


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

Another thing...

This ordeal has taught me some valuable lessons for sure. From now on...I will never ever give a foreign woman the time of day. 

I am sticking to women from my great country. God Bless the USA!!! However, with how crazy the situation I have dealt with is and how bad both of my brother's situations were and my cousins's situations its like why bother with women anymore though? 

Once I get back to work I am definitely going to go back to school to get my PhD and I have a plan to work on getting a CRA certificate. My loans have not gone default yet and I have been able to use forbearance to keep that from happening. So that works to my advantage. The only debt that I have is my medical bills from my knee injury which I haven't been able to put any money toward and honestly if my worthless soon to be ex would have been a wife and helped pay for things I would be out of debt and have only student loans to worry about.

Damn did I ever get duped (F*CK!!!!!). Hey at least I can laugh about all this though. I mean this is one of those stories that you couldn't dream up or make up in your wildest dreams. All there is to do is just laugh it off and shake your head like wow...its amazing just how bad some people can be.

Cheers!


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

Hi this is terrible, marriage is hard and when we make wrong choices in life we pay for that as long as we handle it. Of course, things can work it out but sometimes take too long. Man and woman aren't the same, husband and wife is so much different. 
Better for you is to look for a pastor, a church can help you. Talk to someone with experience in life which can lead you and teach the best in this situation.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

lfortender said:


> Hi this is terrible, marriage is hard and when we make wrong choices in life we pay for that as long as we handle it. Of course, things can work it out but sometimes take too long. Man and woman aren't the same, husband and wife is so much different.
> Better for you is to look for a pastor, a church can help you. Talk to someone with experience in life which can lead you and teach the best in this situation.


Yes I agree. That is what I am looking for honestly. I feel horrible for some of my thoughts. I am a good natured person and I hate having to dirty because when do things like this it eats away at your soul. 

It is a tug of war right now because I know my love was real and I was true to my vows. 

I mean I know what has to be done, but through looking at my options none of them are appealing. If I go through the immigration marriage fraud ordeal it will most likely be costly and it is something I think could be far harder and overwhelming that I am prepared for. I don't think you can prepare yourself for something like that though.

I have been searching for some legal advice. While I am truly pissed off and hurt that I was used and she took advantage of my good nature and played me for a fool I don't know if filing an immigration fraud complaint is the way to go despite knowing the truth that I was used for the purpose of her getting the green card. 

If go through with that process it definitely isn't something that you can prepare for. She sure as hell would fail many of the questions that would be asked...no doubt. 

I am starting to think the best option for me may be to file a no-fault divorce and just have myself removed as petitioner. The reason why is that I have no job and I do not have the resources necessary to strike her down like she deserves and like I want to. 

I mean there is no easy way to handle my situation. It really gets under my skin that I am left having to swallow all of this and possibly take the "nice guy" high road option which is the no fault divorce and removing myself as petitioner. 

I mean I can deal with all the emotional stuff and I can get myself back together. That is not where I am lost. Where I am lost is how to go about doing what I have to do with the legal aspect of things.

Does anyone have any advice on any good free legal advice I can seek out? I have searched but it is such a mess on the internet. Additionally, I sent a message to a lawyer and I am still waiting to see about a response. The problem for me is that I truly am screwed at the moment and hell no it is not fair, but then again...life isn't fair. 

I have come to grips with everything, but I need some help with someone who is more knowledgeable than me dealing with these kind of things. I have been doing research, but half the time I can't find anything decent that relates to the US. I keep coming up with Canada stuff. As far as locally...getting free legal advice isn't that easy. 


I hate being in a predicament where I do not have the power to take control and go about things the way I want to. Its like my power of choice is being taken from me because of sh*tty circumstances and not having the necessary money to handle my business. Very frustrating. 

Anyway, yes if anyone has any good advice on who to speak to about my legal options available to me or websites I can search for the info necessary it would be much appreciated. I just want to get this sh*t done and put it behind me, but I need a little help. 

I know there are some of you who have been cheated on and went through the process of divorce...how did you handle it? Any of you have a similar situation where there were no assets to divide and no children?

Any of you make the stupid mistake I did and marry a foreigner? How did you handle it? 

Cheers!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I would say go directly to immigration and lay out your case to them. It will not cost anything and they may be able to help with legal issues. 

Annulment might be an option if immigration rules in your favor.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> I would say go directly to immigration and lay out your case to them. It will not cost anything and they may be able to help with legal issues.
> 
> Annulment might be an option if immigration rules in your favor.


See the problem here for me is the money issue. I am pinned down in a corner because I have no resources. Hell I am barely going to get by with food. Right now I have friends and my brother and my mother footing the bill and it makes me sick, but of course I appreciate it as I have done the same for them and would do it again without hesitation.

What I need to know is if I need a lawyer or what do I need to do. I mean I just want to go the cheapest route because I cannot afford a high expense. 

I am stuck because not only do I have to worry about the immigration aspect of this I also have to figure out the divorce aspect. Could I still file a no-fault divorce if I turn her into immigration? Does anyone know or can anyone help me?

Cheers!


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

*She had the balls to email me.*

Just wanted to check in and see how things were going re the job front - did you get a call back from that place you wanted r FritoLay? And to let you know that I no longer have a phone - it dropped for the time that broke it the other day LOL. Anyways, hope you had a good Thanksgiving.

Unbelieveable. The first I hear from her in a week and I get that lame email. What a joke. Its like she thinks I am stupid or something. This is a game to her and she doesn't understand that she hasn't fooled me. I am not falling for this sh*t everyone. 

See everyone, this is why I wanted to put everything out there. For one, I did not want to make a stupid foolish mistake. For two, I wanted to see if I would have an overwhelming response that was in line with my thinking. 

Now to ask a question...what I gather from this email are two things...First, she is starting to feel guilt. Second, she is telling me any evidence that could be on her phone is gone and that she has bought a new cell phone (a big expensive upgrade most likely to make herself feel superior).

Third, this b*tch is going down...period! A lame email? No phone call? She sits in her office and everyone has a cell phone so the fact she made that comment is just hilarious. She is purposely avoiding confrontation because she is nervous and I think the icing her out for a week is starting to shake that bullsh*t foundation she think she has built up. 

So after I have posted all those motivationals up and explained my story and then you see this email. Could I be wrong? The main reason I ask is that if this were a past girlfriend who was an American I wouldn't be second guessing one bit. However, my wife is just plain flat out weird and not normal

This is why I was asking for women's opinions in particular because I figure a woman will know a woman better and be able to put her self in my wife's shoes and let me know if I am just being a paranoid, insecure, and immature jacka$$. Now by all means...I don't think this is the case, but because this situation has some serious ramifications I have to do my due diligence. I am basically trying to cover all my bases. Now understand my reasoning...I am asking so that I know if my case will be an actual fraud or not. I believe it to be, but I do not want to go through the hassle of dealing with immigration if there is the possibility my case is just viewed as the marriage didn't work out.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

*My male opinion*

You say you're a big strong guy, ok, good.


Walk on to a construction site and do labor work if you have to.
Consider serving your country, Coast Guard, Marines, whatever.
Delete all your social media accounts, you're wasting your time there.
Move away from your mother. Let me put this another way; it is not healthy for you to live with your mother when your nearly a third of a century old.

It's time to grow up my friend, life will be as hard or as easy as you make it, sitting at home with your mom and whining about being duped by an immigrant, and stressing over what people are saying about you online doesn't paint a pretty picture of a man.

In your heart you know the truth about who you are; ask yourself this simple question:
*If I was a woman, would I like me?*​If the answer is no, then ask yourself what it is about yourself that you don't think you would like if you were a women.

*In your heart you know the answer to this already.*

Be what you think you would need to be for you to want to commit to you if you were a woman.

T


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Alucard19 said:


> See the problem here for me is the money issue. I am pinned down in a corner because I have no resources. Hell I am barely going to get by with food. Right now I have friends and my brother and my mother footing the bill and it makes me sick, but of course I appreciate it as I have done the same for them and would do it again without hesitation.
> 
> What I need to know is if I need a lawyer or what do I need to do. I mean I just want to go the cheapest route because I cannot afford a high expense.
> 
> ...


The cheapest route to gather your options is to contact immigration and tell them the story that your wife has deserted you and moved out. Do it now!! It will not cost anything to do this. They will let you know what your options are.

Don't sit around trying to figure out what could happen - just contact them. 

As for the lawyer. You will probably need to at least consult one to get the info on your rights according to where you live. But that is a little further down the road.

Immigration is the first step in your situation. If their investigation shows that she used you to get to this country, then they will have her immigration status revoked and she would be forced to leave. At that point, any legal issues concerning divorce or annulment are a lot less complicated.

Immigration now!!!!! You do not need a lawyer to do that. At this point you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking action with immigration.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

*Re: My male opinion*



Tony55 said:


> You say you're a big strong guy, ok, good.
> 
> 
> Walk on to a construction site and do labor work if you have to.
> ...


Thank you Tony. I appreciate the words, it is the kind of words I need said to me...a reality check if you will. Trust me I want to be on my own...the plan was to get through winter and then move out in the spring. Hell my brother was about to move back home because of his messed up custody battle with his ex wife. My whole family is in shambles. This home has served as home base for everyone for 28 years. I lived in various places as have my brothers, but yet we have found hard times and had to come back home.

I have been stuck here simply because of monetary reasons. My credit is shot to hell because of medical bills. However, I have been working on some things so its not like I am not doing anything about my situation. I may be limited, but I can still make things happen and get going.

Thanks again.

Cheers!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You want a female perspective & I can give one, not because I am like your W, but because I've seen her type & it has nothing to do with whether she's American or not.

She's got the emotional upper hand with you. She knows it & because she's also self-absorbed & not particularly kind-hearted, she uses it to her advantage when she needs to. When she doesn't need to use it, she ignores you.

What you should do is go dark on her & concentrate on getting your own act together. Do this just for yourself, since your W is definitely not a healthy avenue for your future. I personally think the advice to go to immigration is great advice. (And why, if she denigrates Americans, does she want to live in the US?)

(Messages like the one you got are her way of assuring herself that she's still in control. They are not because she's concerned about you as a human being. She doesn't hear from you for a while, so she sends out a feeler to see if you still jump. When you do, she's satisfied that things are still just the way she wants them. If you don't react, you begin to shake up her universe & she may start to show some interest. This interest will only last until she's sure she has you back in your place.)


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Alucard19 said:


> I am sticking to women from my great country. God Bless the USA!!!
> Cheers!


I had to laugh at this. Pretty immature. But that's your choice.

You don't get to choose women by the country but by their character and personality. 
For a guy who studied psychology you should at least know this.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Alucard19 said:


> See the problem here for me is the money issue. I am pinned down in a corner because I have no resources. Hell I am barely going to get by with food. Right now I have friends and my brother and my mother footing the bill and it makes me sick, but of course I appreciate it as I have done the same for them and would do it again without hesitation.
> 
> What I need to know is if I need a lawyer or what do I need to do. I mean I just want to go the cheapest route because I cannot afford a high expense.
> 
> ...


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> I had to laugh at this. Pretty immature. But that's your choice.
> 
> You don't get to choose women by the country but by their character and personality.
> For a guy who studied psychology you should at least know this.


Sarcasm and the intent was to get a laugh . Have to fun some with this. Then again...sometimes it is hard to get the full feeling of words on the internet.

Cheers!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Alucard19 said:


> Then again...sometimes it is hard to get the full feeling of words on the internet.
> 
> Cheers!


Agreed.


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## Alucard19 (Nov 17, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Agreed.


Just wanted to mention...I love your signature. I made plenty of my own mistakes, but the one thing I would never do is physically or emotionally cheat. As the signature says...there is the temptation of course, but what separates the men from the boys is the decision to choose not to do it.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

That's not guilt dude, that's feeling you out.
By now you know our feelings, so lets stop the bull there.

Go to immigration and lay out your case, its free. Go online to your state website and look up D proceeding. Immigration should be able to guide you on the D.

As for her, stay dark !! She is just sending out feelers to see if you will bite. Then she can start a dialog to see what moves you making.
DO NOT THINK FOR A MINUTE SHE IS NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOU CONTACTING IMMIGRATION !!!
THAT is ALL she is thinking of !!!! 
Do you think she is so stupid she have not thought of it??
That's why you stay dark.

As for living with mom, nothing wrong with that.
There was a trend a while back when the economy was really bad that so many 30 something moved back home, it was a joke.
And, that's what families are for.


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