# First time in MC.



## MAEPT10

What can I expect from our first visit in MC? What kind of things are we going to discuss, or will we even get into any issues during the first session? 

What kind of fall-out should I expect from my W after the session is over? What I mean is, do spouses close up even more after beginning MC or should I expect her to feel better about us starting to go to MC?

We are like so close to starting this, I just have to hear back about the appointment time and see if its good with my wife's schedule. I hope to be in a session by the end of the week.


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## Amplexor

All MCs will handle it differently as do spouses. From my own experience all I can tell you is don't expect miracles. MCs can help but are not the cure all in a troubled marriage. It was just a small part of our R.


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## MAEPT10

Angel5112 said:


> When my H and I first started our MC the counselor saw us seperately for the first two visits so he could "get a feel for what was going on in our relationship." He had us sign waivers that basically stated he could discuss what we said in our individual sessions with our spouse during their sessions and in our joint sessions. I really liked that and would recommend it to anyone.
> 
> I agree with amp though. MC was more of just an outlet for us to help us discuss things that were sensitive, like having a mediator. We didn't have scheduled weekly/monthly appointments. We went on an as needed basis.



Thanks this is very helpful information. I hope this can be a place where we can get things off our chests and have exactly that, a mediator there to help us along. I really am hoping to get out of it a sense of ability to communicate better, for both of us.

Is that a reasonable expectation?


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## MAEPT10

Angel5112 said:


> Not at all.


I'm confused, are you saying "not at all" to my question if my expectations are reasonable?


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## accept

It all depends on the MC. Remember that most should rather be called divorce counselors because that is what 'they are better' at, advising divorce. They are not cheap and do a lot of talking and time wasting. Very few offer to be a 'judge' which to me would have been most important. Only one of them really 'scared' my wife and that was the good one. Dont argue with them, they dont like that, even if youre right. Anyway good luck.


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## accept

*If you want validation and to be told “you’re right, you’re wrong”, call you parents or your best friend. I’m sure they would be willing to sit down and mediate. Plus it would save you a lot of money. *
Not everyone is so lucky. Perhaps I should explain it better.
A marriage has first to get on a 'workable' footing before all the talking. I was also not referring to the MC talking. It is not a matter of who is right or who is wrong. It is about the day to day carrying on. For example, many complain here the man doesnt do enough housework. So him carrying on doing nothing or not enough will never solve anything. So the MC has first to decide after hearing them both how much and what he should be doing. He may be wrong in the man's eyes but talking and explaining will take years and cost a lot and most likely never achieve anything. They both have to agree to follow what the MC says in this kind of thing.


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## MAEPT10

We go to our first MC session tomorrow afternoon. We are going to look at house together at lunch time, and then MC. I took the whole day off, we'll see what happens.


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