# Feeling Overwhelmed, Lacking time to work on myself



## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

A little background:
Been divorced since feb 2012. Wife of only 1 1/2 year had an EA, tried to reconcile and I just wasn't happy with the outcome. I found that I could forgive the EA but I couldn't get passed the lies and deceit.

I've since made plenty of changes in my life such as exercising, joining a softball team, being more conscience of what I eat, establishing career goals, taking on a new position at work, cooking for myself, taking care of upkeep with the house. I'm greatful I've found the drive to do all these things but I've put myself in a position where its hard to keep up with everything and at times I find myself overwhelmed trying to determine which should take priority.

Do I stay later at work to get up to speed in the new position faster? Do I go to the gym 4 times a week to get in shape faster? Do I spend my freetime finishing up some projects in the house? Do I put off all of the above and just relax by going out with friends or stay at home and watch a movie/sports?

I also can't seem to find the time to work on myself as a person mentally. I still have days where I'm feeling down about having to restart my entire life. I don't really miss her at all (just miss joking with her), I'm gradually getting to the point where I'm comfortable being alone, but what I definitely still miss is not having to worry about restarting my life. I wish I could take a year off from work, or just snap my fingers and be physically & mentally fit.

I guess I miss being oblivious to being unhappy with myself. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel in a lot of cases but most of the time I take no comfort in the fact that there is a light. I have a hard time focusing on getting there eventually, and spend more time focusing on how do I get there as fast as possible.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey man!
Relax!
The good thing is, all this is on your own time line.
Shooooooot.... Ive been living on the pre-determined schedule of a wife for the last ten years, attempting to make her happy, and that didnt end up working out..lol.
So i am trying to figure out whats going to make me happy. Youve done a hell of a lot more than I have since divorcing. mine was official aug.31 of 2011, and Im just freakin getting past the pissy and depressed (consistently) stages. I still have my days, and post them freely here unfortunately... 
But my point is, to enjoy the space, theres no rush, no expectation from anyone to get to any particular "place" in mindset. 
With the emotional aspects after a divorce, some folks, namely myself, have to get all that out otherwise it builds and comes out at inopportune times. 

I know what you mean about the "restarting your entire life" feeling. I took a sense of accomplishment and position as a married man with family. It wasnt pride, but a sense of having reached a respectable stage in my life. Once that was gone, the sense of failure was hard to dismiss even if it wasnt my fault. 

If youve only been divorced for a couple of months, please just give yourself some room to center. It is what brings clarity during these times that can be confusing.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I vote for relaxing with friends. You have just endured a huge trauma, and you don't need to be cluttering up your mind with staying overtime at work or pushing yourself too hard at the gym. Clarity will come with being relaxed and calm. Be good to yourself.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Do what you feel. Push yourself a little bit now and then to get some things done. But don't be too hard on yourself on those days when you don't want to do a damn thing.


----------



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Shooooooot.... Ive been living on the pre-determined schedule of a wife for the last ten years, attempting to make her happy, and that didnt end up working out..lol.


I hear that. So much more free time not having to worry about trying to make someone happy who really wanted to be miserable.



Santofimio said:


> I also can't seem to find the time to work on myself as a person mentally.


Come on. You gotta make time for this one. Coming here and posting and reading is a good start. Get some books from the library. Read up on some web sites. Read something inspirational once per day. Nothing has to be so intense that it takes all your time.


----------



## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Thank you guys for your replies. I try to take things one day at a time but it sucks when most days are filled with unavoidable obligations like work, house chores, yard work, etc. 

I thought I would feel better after the Divorce, and I did for a little but I'm back to being slightly depressed. Although I'm the one who filed, I wished I didn't feel like I had no other choice. I haven't embraced the "Freedom" yet cause I didn't want it that much to begin with. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

