# women from my past



## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

married 14 years together 20 I am 44 she is 42 next week

ok my wife and I have been having issues for about 4 months now: my "emotional affair" she called it talking to an ex on facebook about life ad my family, not hooking up or whatever over a year ago (we went to counseling for it but she still brings it up in the heat of battle) my insecurities about her being the only female working with 3 men in a small office:
my losing of 60 grand a year worth of work over the last 2 years and not being able to replace it yet.

her bra picture at a party that her friends "made" her do that was but now never happened, I am "crazy": her and a couple of the same friends on Zoosk the Facebook dating site but she don't know how it got on her page: her deleteing of work calls on her cell: her telling me she hasn't been happy in 3 years: and 

also (finally) her bringing up my first girlfriend (1983-85) in a recent arguement and how she constantly cheated on me, even with one of her friends how I kissed a girl when we (my wife and I) first started dating back in 1989, and then just the this morning, a mutual friend that just friended us on Facebook yesterday, my wife brings up in an early morning text frm work how I asked this girl for a sexual favor( I do not even remember if I did or not, if I did, sure it was jokingly), back in 1987 when this girl and I hung out a lot, just as friends, nothing ever happened.

How my wife found out, as if it was any of her business as we knew each other back then but at that point haven't been out together yet, is beyond me unless she was around as we all grew up in the same small town, or this girl told her, 22 some odd years ago.


my question is why would she constantly bring all this stuff up, when ALL of it happened before we were married, and 99.9% of it happened before us?

one last thing, I recently saw her ex. a college football player back in the day and he still looks the part, nice guy though. anyway saw him at a local supermarket he has been transferred to and my wife goes to all the time. Told my wife I saw him and her expression changed instantly and just said oh sh it, guess I have to go to the other store, 6 miles away to avoid him. Her idea, I told her that was dumb we can't afford at this time any wasted trips, just go to this store, no big deal, I trust you. She told me she would be pissed if one of my ex.'s worked somewhere I always went to since in her words, I am always into forgiving and forgetting and being friends with everyone, which for the most part is true. 

sorry for the run on, but why the hel! does she do this crap?

I asked her, her answer is always the same, "I don't know I am just a mean bi..h I guess, but I love you and want to b with you forever" :scratchhead:

ps- we have been getting along great the past two 6-8 weeks or so. I haven't completely gotten over my insecurity issues, but I don't make them an issue anymore, we have been exercsing together, bike rides/walks at least 4 times a week, and Black Friday went for two hours on a trail and acted on teenagers making out every chance we got. and probably will be getting along well when she gets home from work, but this little jab bugs me, I won't make an issue of it but do wonder why?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You both sound insecure and have to stop discussing past issues. if you are going to rehash past things, you will never move forward.


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## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

I may have some but no where near as bad as her as we discussed last night. By the end of the night I was a "***** with everyone but me" she said, and I told her, your right I was and you knew!

Asked her if she remembered when I told her it wasn't a good idea for us to go out and I was NOT looking for a long term relationship, she did and she also remembered saying she would wait and/or change me.

I changed. I reminded her that since we have been married, i have done NOTHING but be the best husband and father I could possibly be and have done nothing to ruin her trust. EXCEPT for what she perceives in her mond what is wrong for me to do but ok for her to do such as talk to old friends whom she feels I had a relationship with every one of them, if of course they were female and no its not true.

Thanks any way Chris we are there and trying to work on it, but she first needs to admit she does have a problem with insecurty and has led me dwn the same path. since lately I wonder why she is always so dam defensive


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I don't know if this helps, but I find that as I've aged, I've become more insecure - don't really know why, but I have. Maybe she's suffering from the same thing.

But she'll have to admit she's insecure to stop the behavior, you can't do it for her.

Try "taping her" during one of her jealous, insecure tirades (with a micro cassette recorder), hidden and play it back for her. Perhaps she doesn't realize what she sounds like.

We have longggg memories when it comes to our spouses, but very shortttt ones when it comes to us.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If he tapes her then the subject goes from her irrational outbursts to he taping her behind her back. She'll use it as justification for anything she may have done and will do in the future.


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