# Next; filing for divorce



## Shock (Jan 22, 2011)

My wife has made up her mind, she is filing in the next couple of weeks. We were talking and she is tired of the same old questions. She doesn't see how she has done that to me over the last 4 years. It's not pay back, it's human nature. She feels that she hasn't anything to offer me in our relationship. She doesn't even know that it was truly herself that she has given me for the last 20 years. She doesn't know who she is, and she doesn't want to be that scared little girl anymore. She doesn't want to feel insecure, clingy, or hopeless, and doesn't want to wounder what I'm doing when I'm not with her. She beats herself up, waiting for the next bomb in our relationship. There hasn't been any, except in her head. It all hurts way too much for me to here this.
I'm a shame to admits this, I'm starting to have a problem continuing the relationship with my adult kids, it causes too much pain being around them. I'm fighting this demon hard. I'm not taking it out on them, I'm very quiet about this. I just want to be left alone. I do have an appointment with a Psychologist next week to help me deal with these issues. I certainly don't want to punish my kids for something they have no control over. I told my kids that I just need some time to work things out, they are very understanding.
My W's decision has hurt everyone around us, her side of the family, my side, and our immediate family. Nobody understands what she is doing. Her only female friends have broken up relationships, not very good influences. I haven't told her this and do not wish to. I don't initiate conflict, and I do not argue or fight with her. I keep a level tone in my voice when we do communicate. Like I mention before, I truly want her to be happy, even if I have to sacrifice some of myself. 
I have a lot of work to do on myself, and I have already started by reading. I know that in time the pain will slowly diminish. I know that the world doesn't stop turning. I know that there is a lot of pain out there. I'm sorry for all of us. I also know that one day we all will find inner peace. 
It helps me to vent like this, and thank you for your support. It truly means a lot.

I don't want to come across like I'm blaming her, there is no blame, it is what it is.


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

It is probably ok to take some time to get yourself together, but try not to completely shut out the people who do love you. Perhaps she may still be able to sort out some of what is going on with her, and if you can try to get strong, there is a place you can come together. My husband will be surprised, I think, when he tells people what he is doing, they will be shocked and disappointed in him.


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## Shock (Jan 22, 2011)

Thanks hopemom for your kind words. I am doing lots of reading, and everyday I seem to be getting a little stronger. I know that time does heal all wounds, but the brain never forgets. 

All the best for you, and be strong. 
Thank you again.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Take care of yourself. Withdrawing from your kids could be an early sign of depression. I'm sorry you are going through this and glad you are getting help. But, try not to withdraw. Just do things with your adult children, like you have always done, and reach out more to them and friends. Isolating yourself at a time like this is likely to do more harm than good. 

Her explanation sounds fishy to me, I might add. But then, I don't know her. 

God bless.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

I just found this site today so I dont know your story but just wanted to say hang in there & this too shall pass. You need time to heal. I think your appt next week will be good, continue to do that. Don't shut yourself off completely from those who love you. 

I know words are pointless right now but the bad days will soon turn to good ones. You'll have more good days even though it doesnt seem like that now. 

I'm only 2 weeks into this whole separation gig. It is an awful place to be & its easy to shut yourself off from the pain.


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## Shock (Jan 22, 2011)

Thanks for your kind words sisters359 and Babyheart.

Take care


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Baby Heart and Sisters offer some good advise----please take care of yourself.


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