# Opinions...



## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

If your husband (or wife) had a drawn out emotional affair with someone they called "just a friend", would you be comfortable with then having any friends of the opposite sex ? I am consumed with anger now when I see or hear my husband communicating with other women he calls friends. I'm not comfortable with any of them anymore. Am I alone here?


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

You are not alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are no were near alone, in fact many here at CWI have gotten burned by the "just friends" b*llsh*t.

You have every right to be angry just like you have every right to protect your marriage, and if your spouse doesn't want your protection then you have every right to stop tolorating it and find someone that values you and the protection you have to offer.

So set your boundries and if they are crossed then ask the spouse to leave and be confident that there is someone else out there that will respect you.

Sure its easier said then done, but until you let them go will they see what they are about to lose, then maybe you will start having a healthy marriage with respected boundries.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

You certainly aren't alone, and yes, my SO's interactions with the opposite sex tend to slightly set me on edge, now, after a couple of serious EAs and a lot of daydream-y nonsense on her part.

The Guy hits it right on the nose. It's all about boundaries.


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> If your husband (or wife) had a drawn out emotional affair with someone they called "just a friend", would you be comfortable with then having any friends of the opposite sex ? I am consumed with anger now when I see or hear my husband communicating with other women he calls friends. I'm not comfortable with any of them anymore. Am I alone here?


In our case we shut the whole opposite sex friends thing down after my wife's EA. She basically admitted that it had been a sham all along, and that every guy friend she ever had wanted more and most actively pushed for it. She just never told me until it all blew up in our faces. I don't want to say that such friendships are bad for everyone, but most of the time men don't hang around other women "as friends" unless there is some attraction there.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Shattered,

Your husband redefined his boundaries with his EA. He can't have female "just friends". It's now off the menu for him. If he argues with that, then he's a problem. Be careful.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

:iagree:
He lost that privlege when he had the A


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband isn't allowed to have opposite sex friends any more. And yes, I mean 'allowed'. He does have the choice, but he knows exactly what the consequences will be.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

No way


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> My husband isn't allowed to have opposite sex friends any more. And yes, I mean 'allowed'. He does have the choice, but he knows exactly what the consequences will be.


The same with my wife. She called me "controlling" at first. Told her to do what she thought was best for her and I had the right to do what was best for me.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

no. It's a "once broken, never the same" sort of thing.

In many healthy relationships people can handle their partners having opposite sex friend because of the trust and respect given and present. Once that trust and respect has been broken, the ability to support the situation is lost. Because of the deception usually involved, it is improbable that it ever can be fully regained.


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

He has always kept a lot of female friends and it never really bothered me. I think he thinks by me not wanting him to keep them as friends, that it's some kind of payback for what he did to me. I don't think he will ever understand.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> He has always kept a lot of female friends and it never really bothered me. I think he thinks by me not wanting him to keep them as friends, that it's some kind of payback for what he did to me. I don't think he will ever understand.


Shattered, he has to understand. He's gaslighting you. You have every right & he has no right when it comes to "no female social friends policy " for him.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Cheaters are wired very differently than nons. They have to admit they are powerless over their proclivites and stay away from the opposite sex.
We normal folks can have these friendships.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

ShatteredinAL said:


> He has always kept a lot of female friends and it never really bothered me. *I think he thinks by me not wanting him to keep them as friends, that it's some kind of payback for what he did to me*. I don't think he will ever understand.


Huh?????


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## Rainey Okay (May 9, 2012)

Understand this, any time my H talks or interacts with another woman I bristle. Doesn't matter if she is model pretty or plain (his AP was about as unattractive as I could imagine but hey I am a bit one-sided) He said he was Just Friends with this woman and I believed it. She seemed safe to me. 
We own a business together and we both interact with customers. H is a personable and charming man who makes a great first impression. I won't trust him for a very long time. Women who are friends? Ha! Not gonna happen. 
This is a consequence of his behavior. I am his only female friend right now. 
Peace


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