# It's not even been a month



## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

It's not even been a month since we decided to split. A month ago I still had a husband. I felt like a zombie for the first 2 weeks. Now I don't miss him anymore, I like being at home and not expecting him. Whenever I see him, I feel like he's just some guy, I'm not even angry anymore.

Is this normal? Is this a stage in the grieving process? Is it normal to feel guilty because I don't feel broken anymore? I feel it's too soon to feel so good.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Well, everyone is diffeent for sure.

Do not feel guilty for anything. Guilt means you are dwelling on things in a way that will not help you at all. Reflect and learn from what went wrong, deal with any of your own issues. Accept your faults in all of this, work on correcting them, and move on. What were the circumstances of the seperation?

Do not be surprised when trigger moments happen. They probably will. Try to prepare yourself emotionally for them, and remember to just breathe and go day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. 

Remember that you have a ton of support here, and we will help you any time you need us.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Dustball said:


> It's not even been a month since we decided to split. A month ago I still had a husband. I felt like a zombie for the first 2 weeks. Now I don't miss him anymore, I like being at home and not expecting him. Whenever I see him, I feel like he's just some guy, I'm not even angry anymore.
> 
> Is this normal? Is this a stage in the grieving process? Is it normal to feel guilty because I don't feel broken anymore? I feel it's too soon to feel so good.


maybe not normal to some but EXACTLY the same as me

I cried like a baby for three weeks

and then I stopped, and realised 'hey this isn't so bad after all'. I actually enjoyed not having him at home bringing the mood down. Whenever I see him now i'm the same as you - he's just 'some guy'

I also felt guilty at being over him so quickly at first but we all heal at different paces - I have a tendency to emotionally detach once I know something's dead in the water, sounds to me like you have the same thing. It's no bad thing believe me, it's protected me over the years

People talk about 'triggers' all the time - but I can listen to the song we had our first dance to at our wedding without it affecting me one bit

Cold? Perhaps, but you can't make yourself feel something you don't. Made me think that perhaps there wasn't much there in the first place....

x


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Those feelings and fond memories never really go away. You just choose not to let yourself hurt anymore.


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## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

Thank you so much for your replies. Turns out I was wrong. I haven't been able to unwind, I have repressed so many things. The other day I had a trigger, and although I have yet to understand the size of the monster dwelling inside of me, at least I caught a glimpse of the two bright eyes in the darkness. It's there all right.

Thanks again, and the best of luck to you all.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

It's okay to have trigger moments, hours...it is part of healing..eventually, they will get fewer, farther apart...you can't expect to not experience pain when you give your heart to someone and it doesn't work out...you will be fine, eventually!


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## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

Thank you so much. I know it's for the best. As Dr. Phil says, the only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for 4 years is being in a bad relationship for 4 years and 1 day.

Blessings, this site and you guys are heaven sent.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Dustball, I did a little dance. Honestly, it depends on the person -- if you were living in a hellish situation, then it's only human to feel relief when it ends.


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## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

Whaddayaknow, I'm not made of stone after all.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

the first month was the hardest. i flt like i couldn't do anything without him. i was so codependant it was pathetic. now i feel stronger, more in control of my life but i still get sad, angry, bitter. like others have said take it one day or even one hour at a time. i still hope to reconcile so the days i feel like i don't care anymore scare me, but it's really an up and down process. slowly the really days days and moments become more spread out as you start to heal.


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## Lynn79 (May 25, 2012)

I can relate to the zombie thing. I felt like a floating head for two weeks, like I was just going through the motions. 

Then I moved to a different town and got an apt. It was exciting and scary at the same time. I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. He'd always said I can't do anything, but here I was doing it. My business took off and I'm starting to feel like I'm okay. 

I do have triggers too. I had a dream about my stbeh the other night and it made me sad, like I'd thrown all the good away, but my IC said it was part of the process. You have to have the sweet with the bitter sometimes. You can't push the good away too or you have lost all those years.


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