# Suspicions



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

So here I sit. 1:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep. For the last week I have had suspicions. Nothing that I can prove of course, but they are there. I have looked at her text message logs on the cell phone provider and there are numbers that I do not recognize and lots of texts starting when she first wakes up, before she even texts me in the morning until she goes to bed. She never leaves her phone away from her except when it is plugged in when she goes to bed. Her computer and her emails has a different password, her reason being that she changed them because she thought one of the kids knew them. She started classes back in December, that is when she said she was not attracted to me or anyone for that matter. She has accounts that I know she has that I have no idea what money is in. I work out of town for a two weeks at a time every month and lately she has been treating me like crap when I come home. Nothing concrete but it all just sets my gut on fire. I just feel like she is setting it all up to just walk away from me. Our oldest turns 18 in Feb and the youngest of 3 is 10. We have been married 20 1/2 yrs. Am I just crazy, or is she stepping out? We went to therapy three times, she would not really talk at therapy and told me at the end of the third one that she did not like the therapist and it was a waste of our time.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You are not crazy set up voice activated recorders throught the house and 1 in her car. You will get some answers then.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I even went so far as to call one of the numbers that I did not recognize that she was texting a bunch. Turned out it was a girl that she is going to school with who has become a real close friend of hers. Got voicemail and hung up. Had planned to ask for somebody else if someone had picked up.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I cannot see her talking to the person in the house, one of our kids would overhear. Plus her telephone is not showing calls to the numbers just texts. The one time I was able to look at her texts, none of the people in her text logs matched with the times that the texts were coming in.

Something is up though, I just know it. She will not sit in the same room with me. But has no problem sitting in the living room to watch TV with our son.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> I cannot see her talking to the person in the house, one of our kids would overhear. Plus her telephone is not showing calls to the numbers just texts. The one time I was able to look at her texts, none of the people in her text logs matched with the times that the texts were coming in.


Put one in the car then.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> She never leaves her phone away from her except when it is plugged in when she goes to bed.


Protection of the phone is the number one sign of a cheater.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I know that a LOT of the texts are going on when she has to run to the store to get something or go into town to pick up our 12 yr old from church or something like that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Whether she's cheating or not, you have a whack of problems. She told you almost a year ago that she's no longer attracted to you. I'm guessing your sex life sucks as well, based on that. She's got money hidden away from you. She treats you like crap. And most importantly, she's refusing the only thing you've mentioned to try to fix the problems in your marriage.

So what are you hanging to your "marriage" for?

C


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Because I am an idiot who loves her.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

The voice-activated recorder is the number one way to get evidence of the cheating.

If all they do is text, it won't work.

Since you don't have a clue, you really don't have a basis to say that.

There are a lot of apps that will hide call and text usage - they will show as data usage, not as a call or text.

What you describe sounds like she deletes some texts and is using a cheater app to hide some.

I don't see how the voice-activated recorder can hurt. It might not help, but it can't hurt. Buy a couple, put one in her car, swap it out with the other one every day, and give it a week or two.

Sounds like she has close girlfriends at the school. She probably is confiding in them about the affair, or they are encouraging the affair.

The VAR in the car will give you the truth. You will either hear her in the car with her affair partner or one of her girlfriends, or you will hear her talking on the phone to her affair partner or one of her girlfriends.

If you are going to focus on any given phone number from her phone bill, it is typical for the cheaters to contact the affair partner first thing in the morning and then also be the last one they contact before bed every single day. Send a message like, "good morning sweetie, I love you, see you soon at school," in the morning, then "I love you, nite-nite, sleep tight, sweet dreams, I will be dreaming of you" before they go to bed at night.

Do not discount the chance that she could be involved with a woman. If not an affair, a "deep" friendship with a woman who is lesbian or bi.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> Because I am an idiot who loves her.


Are you allowing her to remain so distant from you because you fear if you push her to be closer to you and treat you like a husband, she will leave you?


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Are you allowing her to remain so distant from you because you fear if you push her to be closer to you and treat you like a husband, she will leave you?


Basically, yes. And I am afraid that I will lose my kids. She and my kids are my world. No friends... Just work and them.

I really do not know what I would do if I lose them. But I am afraid of what I would do.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> I know that a LOT of the texts are going on when she has to run to the store to get something or go into town to pick up our 12 yr old from church or something like that.


You are up at 1:30 am sleepless anyway, so if you are going to be awake anyway, do some research.

Get the last three months of her phone bills. Cross out any phone number that you know is OK - like her mom, or you, or your son.

For the ones you don't know, log all phone numbers, dates, and times on a spreadsheet. Sort the spreadsheet by phone number, by date, and by time, and look for a pattern. Texting the same number, the same day, at the same time. This is assuming she's not using a cheater app to text.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> Basically, yes. And I am afraid that I will lose my kids. She and my kids are my world. No friends... Just work and them.
> 
> I really do not know what I would do if I lose them. But I am afraid of what I would do.


Well, you don't have to confront her if you are afraid of losing her, even if you find out she is cheating. But at least you will know. And maybe it will help you to do something about it.

The first step is getting to the truth. Then you can decide what you want to do about it.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> I know that a LOT of the texts are going on when she has to run to the store to get something or go into town to pick up our 12 yr old from church or something like that.


My guess is that just about none of these "run to the store" texts are to her mom, to you, to your son, or to other people familiar to you, but rather all to the strange numbers you don't know, making plans for meeting up with her friends and affair partner.

What kind of school - college? Does she spend a lot of time at the school each day? Does she do her homework at the school or at your house? Does she spend less time with the kids now than before, even when she is home?

It sounds like you have a roommate who you are not really friends with, and you both go your separate ways, and don't even really ask each other about what each of you are up to.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

So, I am supposed to leave to go out of town in a little over an hour. Do I ask her straight up if she is having an affair, knowing she will lie about it in the hope that it will scare her enough that she will not up the ante while I am out of town for the next two weeks (I am home on weekends, just not through the week)?


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

It is college. After 20 yrs, she decided that she wants more out of life than what we are living, so she is taking courses for a degree in something that has been her passion for the whole time we have been together. She has two days off from work for day classes and works the other 3. She has two nights a week of school, one is a "short" night where she is home by 8:30-9. The other she does not get home till almost 11 even though class is over about 9. She USUALLY gets off about noon but I was off last Monday and she never came home until after she picked up kids. She does spend less time with the kids because she is at school those two nights a week and spends the other nights at the table in the kitchen doing homework. All the times she has been late getting home she stayed to talk with so and so from school. And yes, the girl she has been texting so much is usually the person she stayed to talk to. Long after school has let out.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> So, I am supposed to leave to go out of town in a little over an hour. *Do I ask her straight up if she is having an affair,* knowing she will lie about it in the hope that it will scare her enough that she will not up the ante while I am out of town for the next two weeks (I am home on weekends, just not through the week)?



*NO.* Do NOT ASK HER, keep digging for hard evidence. Cheaters are liars by nature. Why would you ask a liar for the truth???

You are much better served by getting undeniable evidence first. Play the role of the clueless husband and follow the VAR advice you've been given.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Noooooo!!!! Do not confront. It'll only force it deeper under ground and make it harder for you to collect evidence.

Are you sure she's even taking a college course? Any chance that could be a cover for an affair?

She's following the "cheaters script" to a T by the way.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Also, start snooping around for a burner phone. Usually a pre-paid non-attributable cell phone used for contacting the affair partner. 

Using your personal phone as a means of communicating with the affair partner is amateur hour 101. But since your wife just "started college" she may not have figured this out yet.

Fortunately, you're here and we'll show you the ropes on how to bust a cheater.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Crushed and Broken,

If your gut tells you that something is wrong, then there is something REALLY wrong.

Dont let her suspect you that you are suspecting her. First advice.

Just act as if things are normal with you. Second advice.

You need to do James Bond work, any way. Third advice.

Fourth is: Check the phone records. Access her emails if possible. You will soon land in an answer.

Take care, dont get into anger.............


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## Growapair (Sep 19, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> Because I am an idiot who loves her.


Truer words has not been spoken in this thread 

Dont just assume if your wife cheats that it must be with the opposite sex! she already told you she's not attracted to you, is she attracted to this new female in her life? 

Just something to think about.


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> Basically, yes. And I am afraid that I will lose my kids. She and my kids are my world. No friends... Just work and them.
> 
> I really do not know what I would do if I lose them. But I am afraid of what I would do.


I understand but please don't allow her to treat you like crap or live your life at her mercy. That's just delaying the inevitable. And yes, it's likely that she has been cheating on you. By what you described it's pretty obvious that she's planning her exit (the affair, stashing money, detaching from you). The marriage is over anyways, may as well keep your dignity.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

crushedandbroken said:


> Because I am an idiot who loves her.


You love her, but I suspect that she's not into you nearly as much. No matter where this ends up going, I think you should grab copies of "Married Man's Sex Life Primer" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to read. 

You'll get lots of advice on tracking down what's going on in your marriage. Confronting before you have a good understanding of the situation is a bad idea. I'd also suggest getting some legal advice before you confront, if it comes to that. Or at least do research on your own. You need to be informed of your rights, obligations, and options. And if you do end up having to confront, be decisive and firm. The odds of "nicing" her out of an affair (if she's having one) are slim. But a b1tch slap of reality can help.

Good luck. I think you'll need it. It's rarely pretty when one person is more heavily invested in a relationship than the other person.

C


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

In 2010 when my wife had her EA she used her regular phone and FB. It was very sexual in nature . I did not know it at the time but she changed her PW on her computer. One night she left her computer open and that is when I found out. I suspected something for over a month. 

Then a year later she had a PA with another guy. This time she bought a secret (burner phone).

Everytime I confronted she denied. Even with the proof.

I would suggest you get proof and hard undeniable proof. Typically even then cheaters will deny but with hard proof you will know for sure.

I suspect if you confront now she will deny, buy a different phone, etc. 

All the signs are there.

I know you don't want to lose your family. Many of us have been there. That is a typical first reaction. But you need to start working on you and realize that no matter what you do you may lose your wife or you may already have. 

What you don't want to do is beg, plead, look pitiful when you do confront. Many of us have done that as well. Please don't. You will regret that. 

1. Go see an attorney. Look at all your accounts and see who is the primary. Our cell phones were in my name and after I confronted my wife with hard proof, (I had a recording of her having sex in our car), on my attorney's advice I shut off her cell phone. She had a burner phone anyway (she denied having one). I also changed our bank account to me only having assess to the online account. I allowed her to keep her card assess to money but that was it. She also had a secret bank account. She was not planning on leaving me but was putting money away after I found out and she thought I was going to D her.

Get your accounts under control.

This does not mean your M is over but you have to get to the point that it is over. It may sound contradictory, but when my wife knew I was serious about D she confessed everything and repented. I was dead set on D and my wife was able to convince me not to do it. She is now sincere for the first time in years.

I hear what you want, to keep your family. You really do need to stop this kind of thinking. It will go against everything you are feeling. You can't change your wife. You can't. You can take control of yourself and those things that you can manage.

I have been here big time. My boys are grown, and I know having younger children complicate things but you will have to allow yourself to let your M go.

Vent here.

Put a GPS tracker on your wife's car and use VARs. 

Come up with a plan on how you will confront her when you get the evidence. 

Read up on how cheaters will respond. Keep in mind that you are not at fault. Do not take any blame for your wife's cheating.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Definitely pick up Married Mans Sex Life Primer and No More Mr Nice Guy. Will get you on the right path.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> Basically, yes. And I am afraid that I will lose my kids. She and my kids are my world. No friends... Just work and them.
> 
> I really do not know what I would do if I lose them. But I am afraid of what I would do.


 Your not going to lose your kids. I, along with other men have been divorced and have kids. As long as your kids know that you love them and will be there for them, you won't lose them. If you divorce your wife, that doesn't mean that your divorcing your children. A lot of men get hoodwinked into thinking that if the divorce that they will never see their kids again. 

Even if your not living under the same roof with them doesn't mean that you can't be a good father. I know this first hand. 

When my wife got divorced, she lived about a forty minuets away, and one night my EX called and said that my daughter was giving her a hard time and I was shocked because she isn't that type of a kid. I told my wife that I would handle it and she asked what I'm going to do about it. I told her not to worry and don't let the kid know that she called. The Ex agreed and I put my coat on, got in my truck and drove down to her house. Knocked on the door and when my kid answered she was surprised to see me and asked what I was doing there. 

I calmly explained to my daughter that Mom said you were giving her a hard time and if your giving Mom a hard time, then your giving me a hard time and I could be here in a drop of a hat if needed. The kid got the message and all is well. 

Don't worry about losing your kids. They know who their father is.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You know her schedule which is good. Sounds like prime time is Monday and the night of her late night class.

Could be a guy in that class.

Are you sure she really has two night classes?

Can you track her phone with a find my phone app?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You won't lose your kids; you're gone half of each month anyway; just make sure if you divorce that they stay with you on the weeks you're home.

You do, however, need to get out and make friends. It's not healthy to have no friends. And it's not attractive, either.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Growapair said:


> Truer words has not been spoken in this thread
> 
> Dont just assume if your wife cheats that it must be with the opposite sex! she already told you she's not attracted to you, is she attracted to this new female in her life?
> 
> Just something to think about.


My thought as well


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> You know her schedule which is good. Sounds like prime time is Monday and the night of her late night class.
> 
> Could be a guy in that class.
> 
> ...


He's gone two weeks of the month. That entire time is "prime time". 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

So what course of study is your wife pursuing?? Just curious. She already stated she is not attracted to you any more, password protecting phone and computer etc!! Just trying to figure what career path she is aiming at when she finally pulls the plug on your marriage====because its obvious that is why she is going to college for in the first place!!!:redcard:


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Just because you love someone does not mean that you can not divorce someone that does not love you.

From what you have written, she is on the way out the door. She does not care about you one bit. If you were on fire, she would not put you out. I am not trying to be an A## here, it's just so many wives do this!

You do not have to cling to this person, you can start a new and happy life, there are other women out there for you. I know were you are coming from, my ex walked away from me too, but I have learned that there more happy days out there IF you don't hold on to the sadness. Good luck David


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> She has accounts that I know she has that I have no idea what money is in.


What? Wait wait wait wait What? You need to go over all of your finances or pay someone to help you figure it out.



> Because I am an idiot who loves her.


You better learn to lover yourself, before she disappears and leaves you with all of the debt and no kids. Don't get into a battle for your kids once they are out of the house. That crap is much harder than having something in place now.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Turnera has a point.

Go make some new friends. 

Let her start wondering who you are with or what you are doing.

Join a gym.

And start tracking where the money is going.

That is total BS that she is pulling.

She will never respect you until you respect yourself.

It is time for you to grow a new pair and then start using them.

HM


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Well, against advice, I asked her what the crap was going on. It was not face to face, it was by email as I was at the airport before she got up. She claims that she is not having an affair (I know that all of you do not believe her) but that she had mentally withdrawn from the marriage and had been convicted about it at church on Sunday(same day that I posted originally). She claims that she wants to work on the marriage. I really did not talk to her over the week (some of the things that she said hurt more than if she had said she was having an affair such as telling me that she only needed God and did not need me but that is another story). I peaked at her texts while she was in the shower this AM and saw a text from Sunday to a friend back home where she told her that wife wants to save marriage. This was before my email so I know it was not for my benefit. So that is a good thing. But I could not peak at the texts to the girl she has been texting, there was one that was unread and she would have known that I had looked. I am pretty sure that there is something there though as I looked at her phone usage this last week. The day of my email and then next day, there were only her texts to me. But come Wednesday there were several texts to this girl, who is in her Wednesday night class, and then when she got home, she spent 31 minutes on the phone with her from 11:19 to 11:50 at night. My wife does not even spend that long on the phone with her mother! And then my wife takes the next day off work because of a "headache". And I actually felt sorry for her!!!!! Oh, and the kicker of it all, my wife was on the phone this evening (turns out it was her mother) and my daughter asked me if it was one of her "shushing" calls. Seems that certain people that my wife talks to she goes into another room because "she cannot hear the other person" while kids are talking. (Somehow I think it has more to do with her not wanting the kids to hear what SHE is saying). I am officially an idiot. As soon as I can get my hands on her phone, I will be reading those emails.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to put VARs in the room she goes to for those private calls!


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## moto164 (Aug 4, 2013)

You need to start listening to the advice so you can see if she is up to something.


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## Rosie 1 (Oct 6, 2013)

Hi Crushedandbroken,

Thanks for your post on my thread. It looks like we are in similar sorts of situations.

If you can, I would buy the VAR as everyone is suggesting. Look how quickly it helped me.

I just read through this thread and I wondered like another poster did, if perhaps your wife's AP might not be another female. The fact that she said she is not attracted to your or 'anybody' and that she seems to talk to this other female all the time on the phone and is hiding the conversations from your children. Have you ever suspected your wife of having any bisexual tendencies?

I hope I am not upsetting you suggesting this! I hope we are both wrong about our spouses and that it's all nothing. 

Please put a VAR in her car if you can't get anything off the phone. It helped me.

I feel your pain and am sorry. It's a horrible place to be. I am in the same space. 

Rosie.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Rosie 1 said:


> ...I hope I am not upsetting you suggesting this!...


No, you are not upsetting me suggesting it. I have suggested it to myself several times in my 20 yrs with her. To make a long back story even longer, she has always been LD. She has always been very close with her best friends, to the point that I have been jealous of them! And on more than one occasion after going out with her best friend for the night, she has come home, woke me up and jumped my bones. I have told her before that it bothered me and she blew it off as being more relaxed because of having a few hours out and that let her inhibitions down. But I will not lie and say I had not thought it. And she has had several friends over the years who we "found out" later were lesbians. So, yeah, it is very possible. But why will she not just admit it. Why all the games?


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I have my plan to see the texts from this week. The only time she does not have her phone on her (outside of taking a shower) is when we go to church. (Maybe she is so ashamed of what she is taking that she compartmentalizes by not bringing it in church like that "hides" it from God). So after service starts, I will excuse myself to the bathroom and go to the car and read the texts.

I cannot believe I am planning to lie to my wife and spy on her. I cannot tell you how much I hate this!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Here

Amazon.com: sony voice recorder icd-px333


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## Rosie 1 (Oct 6, 2013)

Well I think it's something to consider. I think she wouldn't tell you as it's likely she is ashamed, embarrassed or scared etc. She is scared to lose you perhaps. She might not be attracted to you but she wants to stay in the security of the marriage? Pure speculation.
Have you had any luck with her phone?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> I have my plan to see the texts from this week.


How?


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

The rest of the paragraph tells how. Now it is true that she may have deleted any incriminating ones, but I know when they talked so if a bunch of texts are missing, then I plan on getting a sim reader.


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## Micfhelle (Oct 13, 2013)

You are not crazy set up voice activated recorders throught the house and 1 in her car. You will get some answers then.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

crushedandbroken said:


> I have my plan to see the texts from this week. The only time she does not have her phone on her (outside of taking a shower) is when we go to church. (Maybe she is so ashamed of what she is taking that she compartmentalizes by not bringing it in church like that "hides" it from God). So after service starts, I will excuse myself to the bathroom and go to the car and read the texts.
> 
> I cannot believe I am planning to lie to my wife and spy on her. I cannot tell you how much I hate this!


The whole thing sucks, trust me....from your 1st gut feeling , investigating, confronting...all the way up to trying to keep the family together after its all out.

Been there and its no joy ride.

So let me give you the best advice I had ever gotten....CHICKS DIG CONFIDENT GUYS......


What I'm telling you is never beg for your marriage never let your old lady see you cry.

As hard as it is when you do confront you have to make her think twice in what she about to lose...make her second guess what she is giving away..

With a smile on your face your chick has 2 choices and as far as your concernered you will be a good man and a good father cuz you diserve good things.

With or with out her you will not let her betrayal define you and you can let her go...why...cuz you diserve good things!


If for one second she thinks you will share her to save the family she will continue.

Your confidence no matter how much you have to fake it will mean everything right now.

You are a bad @ss father and a good man who won't take sh1t....this additude will serve you well.

Again chicks dig confident men!

Respect is commanded and that is something you have to take to the bank.

If your old lady smells weakness she will never ever have anything to doubt about you and her affair will continue.

Something tells me she thinks she has your number and you won't leave the marriage...prove her wrong.

Sorry brother I have been here to long to know you can never nice your why out of this!


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Ok so maybe she has this girls name on her phone and its actually a guy, she just labeled it as the girl. This is done often. 

My wife tends to be very jealous and the one realtor we use is an attractive female I just put her name in my phone as a guys name to avoid the inevitable hassle when the name is on my recent calls list. No worries with texts because they are all business.

Also, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ONE TOXIC FRIEND. MALE OR FEMALE.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

dogman said:


> Ok so maybe she has this girls name on her phone and its actually a guy, she just labeled it as the girl. This is done often.
> 
> My wife tends to be very jealous and the one realtor we use is an attractive female I just put her name in my phone as a guys name to avoid the inevitable hassle when the name is on my recent calls list. No worries with texts because they are all business.
> 
> Also, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ONE TOXIC FRIEND. MALE OR FEMALE.


Ya thats SOP for cheaters.

Just like sleeping with the cell under the pillow...you know so they can hear the alarm!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

@ dogman quit hidding chicks phone numbers...even if its all business...

It raises your sex rank when your old lady thinks other women are after you even when there not.

Maybe your wife will stay on top of her game when she thinks there is compitition....its when our chicks think there is no compitition we get into trouble.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

no. It is definitely a girl. Called the number from a borrowed cell phone last week, went to voicemail. Was the girl it said it was in her phone.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

So, got a look at her text messages. All of them were there from the last week.

And the answer is....

2+2=3

No evidence of an EA. Looked back at messages for the last 6 months. The ones from this week the girl was encouraging her to work on our relationship.

And texts to friends back home were basically the same.

That is the good news, the bad is that she said that her head knew I was a great guy and that she should fight for our marriage but that her heart just was not into it and does not know how to make her heart love me again.

:/


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

crushedandbroken said:


> So, got a look at her text messages. All of them were there from the last week.
> 
> And the answer is....
> 
> ...


So why not sit her down and as her why she no longer loves you after 20 years???

Communicate with her.

And never settle for the old "I do not know why?"

or the 

"I love you but I am not in love with you..."

Be strong. Have faith.

HM


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## Rosie 1 (Oct 6, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> So, got a look at her text messages. All of them were there from the last week.
> 
> And the answer is....
> 
> ...



Hi Crushed,

I am really sorry to read this update, THOUGH I am hoping that your W has not been unfaithful to you.

In the texts you saw, was there any mention of WHY this is all coming up now? Has there been some sort of event in your life which would cause your wife to suddenly start addressing this with friends?

I would think if there was an AP, he would feature in their conversations? Not sure how many you saw. 

Do you feel comfortable talking to your wife about this at this point or are you wanting to get more information first?

I am really so very sorry though as I am sure you are very deeply hurt by her words. It is good news she wants to work at this as you say. 

Please share any updates. Sorry for your pain. I can commiserate. 

Rosie


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

crushedandbroken said:


> That is the good news, the bad is that she said that her head knew I was a great guy and that she should fight for our marriage but that her heart just was not into it and does not know how to make her heart love me again.:/


You may as well break yourself into the idea that you're history Dawg. My observation, after many years of dealing with women, is that once their romantic interest is gone, it never comes back. She spoke volumes when she said, "her head knew I was a great guy and that she should fight for our marriage but that her heart just was not into it and does not know how to make her heart love me again." You know one of the most common phrases women use related to their romantic interest? "he's a nice guy but....." You're like a jumbo jet that looses a wing 1,000 feet above the runway. There ain't no recovering.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> The voice-activated recorder is the number one way to get evidence of the cheating.
> 
> If all they do is text, it won't work.
> 
> ...


*Agreeing totally with Will here! The VAR is the No. 1 way to ferret out any evidence, so do as he says!

If an EA or even a PA is going on however, you can bet your sweet backside that they're doing a hell of a lot more than just texting. Access to her email or FB, provided she uses it, would help considerably. The VAR would speak volumes if there is something happening.

And if all fails and there is still some equivocation on your part, just hire a PI to follow her. If she's indeed up to "hanky-panky," they'll get the goods on her in a hurry!

And the good news is that it's all admissable in court!*


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