# Husband turned down oral sex.



## Janet1964 (Apr 9, 2020)

My husband and I have been together for over 11 years , and for the first time he turned down oral sex. I love giving it to him and he seemed to really enjoy it in the past. He has been working a lot and stressed and I thought maybe I could relieve some of his stress but he turned it down and said he was tired , rolled over and went to sleep. Could I be losing him and his interest in me? I’m a very sexual lady and I feel as though he is becoming distant. What do I do?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

One time is not a valid measure, of you state of marriage. Bit maybe it is just as his says, be open and endearing and forunate he still works. Give this some time tomorrow is another day.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Janet1964 said:


> My husband and I have been together for over 11 years , and for the first time he turned down oral sex. I love giving it to him and he seemed to really enjoy it in the past. He has been working a lot and stressed and I thought maybe I could relieve some of his stress but he turned it down and said he was tired , rolled over and went to sleep. Could I be losing him and his interest in me? I’m a very sexual lady and I feel as though he is becoming distant. What do I do?


Hi 

First things first, hope you’re taking care of yourself and hubby in this Pandemic situation.

Now, about your core query...

It’s quite normal for him to react that way may be because you do not so anything different. Even though you satisfy him but its a human tendency that why not try something different ?
I totally understand he’s stressed out and you would want to be his streas releiver. So think of some positions to make him feel better. Not necessary you should have sex in bed... right ? I hope you got me now.

More on your reply. Untill then, take care 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Janet1964 said:


> My husband and I have been together for over 11 years , and for the first time he turned down oral sex. I love giving it to him and he seemed to really enjoy it in the past. He has been working a lot and stressed and I thought maybe I could relieve some of his stress but he turned it down and said he was tired , rolled over and went to sleep. Could I be losing him and his interest in me? I’m a very sexual lady and I feel as though he is becoming distant. What do I do?


I agree with Tilted-1, one time does not a problem make.

Is there something else going on in your relationship that is a problem?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Apparently he does not know how to treat stress. 
OR! it could be that his effective way to treat stress is different than others. 
While his disinterest could be a sign of emotional disconnection (or a host of other things) let's pick the low hanging fruit first. Stress at work is a classic performance inhibitor among men. He was probably not "up" for it, and a bit embarrassed to have to explain that. 
It is a good idea to continue to keep an eye on this.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Once isn't a worry. If turns down repetitively there may be an issue.

Presently believing there's no issue, how about starting with new variations, like starting a good hand job, and see where that leads you both.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Why, aside from turning down the bj, do you think he's becoming distant? 

I understand that you feel hurt and rejected, but turning down a bj once really isn't a big deal. Being stressed and/or tired IS a valid reason for not wanting it. 

If I'm stressed, sex is totally off the table. It doesn't matter what my wife does, sex isn't going to happen and I have zero interest. It's not a stress reliever for everyone. And if it was for him in the past, maybe he _was_ just too tired. Maybe he hadn't showered recently, maybe he just had the ****s and didn't want you down there, maybe he masturbated recently and isn't someone who can or wants to go again, etc. Don't jump to the reason being about you.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

He was tired.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Welcome! First, your H is foolish to turn down a BJ. Second, he may have been tired. Third, ask your H why he turned down of all things...a BJ!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Try again in a couple day’s and see what happens.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Janet1964 said:


> My husband and I have been together for over 11 years , and for the first time he turned down oral sex. I love giving it to him and he seemed to really enjoy it in the past. He has been working a lot and stressed and I thought maybe I could relieve some of his stress but he turned it down and said he was tired , rolled over and went to sleep. Could I be losing him and his interest in me? I’m a very sexual lady and I feel as though he is becoming distant. What do I do?


lets not jump to worse case scenario, first what did he say to your offer? could he be tired? perhaps he felt unclean ?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Spicy said:


> He was tired.


This. Next time, you might say something like "What can I do to help?" or something to that effect and let him respond.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Tdbo said:


> This. Next time, you might say something like "What can I do to help?" or something to that effect and let him respond.


So he can say, "let me sleep".


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Welcome! First, your H is foolish to turn down a BJ.


Why is he foolish to turn it down?

Over many years I have sometimes turned down sex including oral sex. Which has always been fine, since it has never been in short supply.


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## jimmyrich (Apr 10, 2020)

Janet1964 said:


> Could I be losing him and his interest in me? I’m a very sexual lady and I feel as though he is becoming distant. What do I do?


This seems to be about a loss of good and friendly communication which can and will get worse unless one or both of you begins restoring the love & friendship that MAY have been there in the beginning. There isn't room here to go into all the communication skills and relationship techniques partners can use to re-charge their union so I'd say google: "relationship skills" to get started restoring the love and joy that seems to be slipping away now. Most couples would do what works if only they knew what to do so get some books or google that link and begin LEARNING HOW. good luck


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Personal said:


> So he can say, "let me sleep".


Then he has agency in the decision.
Also, she will know he doesn't want head at that time.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Personal said:


> Why is he foolish to turn it down?
> 
> Over many years I have sometimes turned down sex including oral sex. Which has always been fine, since it has never been in short supply.


Because BJ's are great. Second, it just may send one to a site just like this asking questions as to why her H said not to a BJ. We are not all alike. If my W is offering a BJ I'm accepting.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I'm not sure this is helpful since your interest and attitude are so very different than my ex's.

I have turned down BJs in the past but it was never something my ex was interested in enough to be competent doing. It was generally a 50/50 shot whether it was going to be enjoyable or just hurt. I would generally suggest another activity that I might enjoy more (IE almost anything) and if I was _really_ tired suggesting going to sleep.


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## Cherrybomber (Apr 11, 2020)

Janet1964 said:


> My husband and I have been together for over 11 years , and for the first time he turned down oral sex. I love giving it to him and he seemed to really enjoy it in the past. He has been working a lot and stressed and I thought maybe I could relieve some of his stress but he turned it down and said he was tired , rolled over and went to sleep. Could I be losing him and his interest in me? I’m a very sexual lady and I feel as though he is becoming distant. What do I do?


Hi there. I am not sure, I agree with some of the other posts, this could be just as simple as it is... He was tired and maybe just too stressed. There are dozens of possibilities here, but if this is not becoming a trend, I would not overthink it. 

It’s a little outside the norm for men to turn down oral sex, yes... but in 18 years of marriage my husband has. Let us know how it goes.


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## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

Hiner112 said:


> I'm not sure this is helpful since your interest and attitude are so very different than my ex's.
> 
> I have turned down BJs in the past but it was never something my ex was interested in enough to be competent doing. It was generally a 50/50 shot whether it was going to be enjoyable or just hurt. I would generally suggest another activity that I might enjoy more (IE almost anything) and if I was _really_ tired suggesting going to sleep.


Did you tell her it hurt? Or was not pleasant....?? Just curious how that conversation went?


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## Cherrybomber (Apr 11, 2020)

Marriednatlanta said:


> Did you tell her it hurt? Or was not pleasant....?? Just curious how that conversation went?


Yikes! I am so very sorry! I’m also curious as to whether you two spoke about it. I want to know what makes my husband feel good and I’m sure visa versa (when he does it) but I would want to know if he does not like what I am going or he loves it -


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## Butterfly1227 (Apr 15, 2020)

I was in a similar situation recently with my own husband. He was tired and turned down sex and other activities, said he was tired. After we talked and I gave him time to rest, we were back with our regular routine. I am sure he is just tired, especially now if he is still working. Give him time to rest and you will be fine.


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## 343663 (Apr 22, 2020)

I guess im different in my opinion here. As a husband i love when my wife offers to go down (rare these days), but still.love the initiative. While yes, stress could have played a factor in his decison to turn down a bj, which isnt unheard of. Things are indeed stressful right now. But if you've pleased him in the past with your skills, and he's now turned you down, id be cautious. Lack of interest could cascade. I wouldn't turn down a bj if my wife offered ... not that she offers, but still. He may not want the sexual relief, offer a masaage as an alternative too. Of he turns down all physical thungs, move onto verbal. If he turns that down, then there's an issue. But i still believe this to be a sign of possible issues. 

Sorry, have to play devils advocate.


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## DeEva (Apr 28, 2020)

Cherrybomber said:


> Hi there. I am not sure, I agree with some of the other posts, this could be just as simple as it is... He was tired and maybe just too stressed. There are dozens of possibilities here, but if this is not becoming a trend, I would not overthink it.
> 
> It’s a little outside the norm for men to turn down oral sex, yes... but in 18 years of marriage my husband has. Let us know how it goes.


I agree with you


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> Welcome! First, your H is foolish to turn down a BJ. Second, he may have been tired. Third, ask your H why he turned down of all things...a BJ!


To the point as always! 

This. One time does not a pattern make.

I do get the impression you really think something else is going on. Are there other troubles in the M?


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

I think its hard for anyone to interpret your situation since everyone is different and all of us will have other dynamics and preferences. That being said, definitely give it some time and try again and don’t let this one experience discourage you from trying to serve and help your husband. Now if this becomes a pattern— then maybe there is something else going on.


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