# Wavering



## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Ok so I was 100% sure of what I wanted to do even if I wasnt sure I could get up the courage to do it. I was away for work and came home and we had a talk about things. I know in my heart that I dont love my wife but now I see her making an effort and going to counseling. She is being very nice but I have been through all this many many times (minus the counseling). I know she thinks things will work out and be ok but I just dont have anything left for her (havent for over a year now). It feels like to little to late. She is a nice person and if she got over her other issues who be someone I wouldnt mind living with but I want love, dont want to settle. Ugh this is so hard, seeing her feeling like she is getting better and me knowing I dont care anymore. I feel like a jerk knowing how I feel and what she is hoping.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I felt this way with my older daughter's father. Well, he wasn't a nice person, but I felt it was a little too late for the effort he put in the day I said I was moving out.

Those feelings never came back either. I left and that was that. 

I hope you can get this sorted and get on with your life one way or the other


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Thanks, yeah 2 years ago she had an EA (there were many other issues prior which returned after). I wanted to leave but didnt have th courage and did what I thought would make everyone else happy. She is acting like the perfect wife right now (I know it wont last) but even if she kept it up forever That connection/feeling is long gone. You cant make someone fall in love (or back in love). I think its either there or not.


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

I certainly hope you are wrong about your last post. My wife just told me last week that she no longer loves me and has felt this way for about a year but never told me. We started counseling yesterday and she agreed to go again. I really hope that she will fall in love with me again. I know I cannot make her, but I hope she will again.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

jhult said:


> I certainly hope you are wrong about your last post. My wife just told me last week that she no longer loves me and has felt this way for about a year but never told me. We started counseling yesterday and she agreed to go again. I really hope that she will fall in love with me again. I know I cannot make her, but I hope she will again.


That was my story 9 months ago. She told me she wanted a divorce and I had no clue she was out of love with me. We (mostly I) tried to repair things, but she never fully tried and claimed her feeling of Love is gone. She left yesterday.

After 17 years you would think there would have been a stronger devotion to the relationship and connection with me. I think it may also be a mid-life thing with all the changes she showed over the past 2 years.

I hope your story goes different!


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

This is me said:


> That was my story 9 months ago. She told me she wanted a divorce and I had no clue she was out of love with me. We (mostly I) tried to repair things, but she never fully tried and claimed her feeling of Love is gone. She left yesterday.
> 
> After 17 years you would think there would have been a stronger devotion to the relationship and connection with me. I think it may also be a mid-life thing with all the changes she showed over the past 2 years.
> 
> I hope your story goes different!


I have thought about the mid-life thing as well. My wife has been through alot and still has issues. We are very good friends, but I don't think she realizes that I will not be her friend anymore if we divorce. I will not bad mouth her, but I will not be her friend. Do you have any kids involved? I know that if we break-up, my son will be devastated. My daughter is only two, so I dn't know how this will affect her.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I am in NC with my wife for the last 5 months because of the emotional turmoil I was going through due to her adultery. Early on, she told me we should try to do family things for our daughter and could remains friends. That is NOT an option with me anymore. Husband, lover, and friend. All of them or none of them. I feel a lot better now and will continue I'm sure. If she were to ever want me to again be her husband, wife, and friend, I would strongly consider it given that she is remorseful for all that she's done. But its all or nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

I told my wife something similar yesterday. I told her that I am not a roommate. I am a husband, father and friend. She says that I am her best friend, and tells people the same. With that, I hope there is still more out there for us. She has had women's health issues since our daughter was born two years ago. I really think that with it always bothering her and needing a hysterectomy, she started blocking out some of the romantic feelings to help her deal. Our sex life never changed, and has always been great, until now. I still know in my heart that we are supposed to be together.


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Hope it all works out, every situation is different. The affair was just the final issue for me. Tried for 2 years but that on top of the other issues. If some of the other issues were not there I might have had more strength but to have the affair happen then nothing else change (though she was sorry for that) just crushed what I was holding onto.


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

I so want to sit down with her and tell her that I need her to dig deep and fight for this as much as me. We had a nice night out shopping and dinner. She talks to me but is still really cold towards me. I want her to know that her being cold does not help us. I also do not want to try and push things too fast. I would give anything right now for a kiss.


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

I am trying not to overreact or be too dramatic right now. I did send her some flowers today and on the card I just thanked her for trying. Still no touching, kissing, etc... going on. I am just not sure if she will realize what she would be missing if we are still living together.


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