# Still painfiul after all these years



## jenarnst (10 mo ago)

There is a long story behind my relationship and divorce. Its been 7 years since the paperwork was final on the divorce. 
I saw my ex for the first time, unintentionally, in November. Since that time I learned that his brother, with whom I was close, passed away in January. I also learned via the obituary thay my ex is remarried. 
This information all came in one day. To my surprise, my heart really hurts, about all of it. Its been a week and I am still distracted and teary about the fact that he is remarried and that I have not been in another relationship at all sonce our divorce. 
I know that is kind of general but I really needed to vent where people might have some thoughts to share.
Thank you in advance.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

What is it about him being remarried and you not that has you so angry? It sounds like there was some anger around this that may not have been dealt with 7 years ago. Something you may have pushed down back then. That must be so disheartening after so long, it’s a painful thing to happen after all this time, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. 😔 sometimes the passing of time helps, only to send a bad reminder again.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Who ended the relationship? Why did it end? Have you tried to date?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@jenarnst, when you originally got divorced, did you really work on your emotions about that? Did you work on getting past of it, or just pushed on and got on with your life? The fact that you have had NO relationships since may point to you not having really moved past getting divorced.

You MAY want to consider goint to a counselor to try and work out why you are feeling like this.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

I second the counseling. After my marriage ended I did trauma counseling every week for a year. It really really helped me to feel neutral about anything having to do with him.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

jenarnst said:


> There is a long story behind my relationship and divorce. Its been 7 years since the paperwork was final on the divorce.
> I saw my ex for the first time, unintentionally, in November. Since that time I learned that his brother, with whom I was close, passed away in January. I also learned via the obituary thay my ex is remarried.
> This information all came in one day. To my surprise, my heart really hurts, about all of it. Its been a week and I am still distracted and teary about the fact that he is remarried and that I have not been in another relationship at all sonce our divorce.
> I know that is kind of general but I really needed to vent where people might have some thoughts to share.
> Thank you in advance.


I can speak from experienced about being traumatized, although not your specific trauma.
I've learned to let the tears flow when they come, without resisting them and then carrying on when the tears stop.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

jenarnst said:


> There is a long story behind my relationship and divorce. Its been 7 years since the paperwork was final on the divorce.
> I saw my ex for the first time, unintentionally, in November. Since that time I learned that his brother, with whom I was close, passed away in January. I also learned via the obituary thay my ex is remarried.
> This information all came in one day. To my surprise, my heart really hurts, about all of it. Its been a week and I am still distracted and teary about the fact that he is remarried and that I have not been in another relationship at all sonce our divorce.
> I know that is kind of general but I really needed to vent where people might have some thoughts to share.
> Thank you in advance.


This happened to me. It’s still a wound that I don’t want to talk about.
In my case my now-wife was wonderfully supportive and encouraging and It helped tremendously.
Is there a close friend or relative that can walk this pain-journey with you?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Your situation illustrates an often misunderstood statement: "Time heals all things." The statement is not true. It's what you do with that time that heals...or not. Like others have said, it doesn't sound like you've used that time to take care of yourself. It's not too late.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sfort said:


> Your situation illustrates an often misunderstood statement: "Time heals all things." The statement is not true. It's what you do with that time that heals...or not. Like others have said, it doesn't sound like you've used that time to take care of yourself. It's not too late.


Such a very wise post. Like is said here, you have to be an active participant in your healing. Eventually you have to allow yourself to have the courage to have hope.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

OP, did you want the divorce?
I agree with others that maybe you should look in to counseling or even venting to a good friend. But if you choose venting to a friend, I would suggest that be a one time event and not continually venting over and over. Vent and decide what you are going to do with yourself to feel better.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Journalling your feelings and thoughts helps many people.


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