# Unsupportive?



## klove (Jan 7, 2012)

My MIL told me tonight that I am not supportive of my husband of 5 years. I shut down, because I started to wonder if she was right. My husband and I have been having issues for a couple years. He thinks everything is fine; I know it isn't. I go to counseling for my own issues, but he won't come with me. Not supportive? I don't know if that is the right word - bitter? Maybe.
My husband is not a touchy-feely type of guy and that is fine, but he is not emotionally supportive of me at all. I try and have conversations, but the only response I get is.....silence. When I call him on it, he still has nothing to say. I thought being in a marriage, I deserve the emotional support.
So, back to MIL's comment about me not being supportive - could this be because I am so sick of the emotional support that he isn't giving me, so I lash out at him in her presence?
I don't know what else to do - I just feel like he and I are connecting anymore.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I'd be telling your MIL to butt out. Your marriage is none of her business.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

More likely he's a mama's boy and was raised NOT to be supportive, so she's going to side with him and expect you to be his maid/servant/cook/lover and keep your mouth shut.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you ask her to give you specific examples of how you are unsupportive?



> So, back to MIL's comment about me not being supportive - could this be because I am so sick of the emotional support that he isn't giving me, so I lash out at him in her presence?


That could be why.

Does your husband talk to her about your marriage? She might be echoing what he is telling her as well.

I'm assuming that she's not aware of everything that goes on between the two of you. So take what she said with a grain of salt.

Has your husband always ignored you? If not when did it start?

How's your sex life?

How much time do the two of you spend together, just the two of you, doing things you enjoy?


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## klove (Jan 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Did you ask her to give you specific examples of how you are unsupportive?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



He is an only child and his Mom is all he has left, so I know that that is part of it. She doesn't know all that goes on between us and I'm often tempted to tell her that.

My husband hasn't always ignored me - it started probably about 3 years ago. Sex life isn't the greatest, but that is because we are interested at different times (he is a morning person; I am a night person). We have a family, so doing things just the two of us is hard right now, because of that and alternating work schedules.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

klove said:


> He is an only child and his Mom is all he has left, so I know that that is part of it. She doesn't know all that goes on between us and I'm often tempted to tell her that.
> 
> My husband hasn't always ignored me - it started probably about 3 years ago. Sex life isn't the greatest, but that is because we are interested at different times (he is a morning person; I am a night person). We have a family, so doing things just the two of us is hard right now, because of that and alternating work schedules.


I figured that the sex life is not good and you spend little to no time together. Your marriage is vey broken. Unless you do something pretty quickly your marriage is going downhill.

Working different schedules kills marriages. Few survive it. Is there any way that you two can get the same work schedules.

Since you have diff work schedules, your relationship has to be the priority for non-work hours. Remember that the relationship between parents is THE most important one in a family. If that is not strong, then the children suffer from having a family with a weak foundation or a broken home.

Surely the two of you can compromise on having sex. Who is the one doing the most turning down the other for sex?

I think you would benefit from the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". Read them. Then ask him to read them and do the work with you.

You have a window of time now to improve and save your marriage. Do it before it's lost.

And about your MIL... just take it as a concerned MIL is can tell that there is something wrong in your marriage. She's siding with her son. That's normal.


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

klove said:


> My MIL told me tonight that I am not supportive of my husband ....


Never-ever discuss with your MIL your relationship with your husband. Other than extremaly rare excpetions, you two have completely different agendas and will never understand each other. 

I am a wife, a DIL, and a mother of a growing boy. In each one of those three roles, I have totally different takes on life:

as a wife, I want to be a partner - it's a two way street and we should support each other
as a DIL I USED TO (when I was much younger) want my MIL's support to set my husband straight
as a mother of a future man, I want him to find a woman who will replace ME - I realize that he will have to support her, too, but it's with my head. With my heart, I just want a woman who'd live him just like I do - unconditionally. I know it won't happen because mother and wife are completely different roles. But that's what any mother wants. So, do I. So does your MIL. You will never fully understand each other. Just listen to what she has to say, thank her for her advice, and then re-think if you really needed that advice.


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