# What do y'all think



## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

Me and my wife been married 15 years she a fling 6 months before we got married now I find out they are texting and she got pregnant and had miscarriage with him when that happened would you confront her or let it go thanks


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

They are texting now and she JUST got pregnant....or that happened 15 years ago?


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## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

She got pregnant by him while we were engaged I didn't know I knew they had sex now they are texting I got a app where I can see her text they are suppose meet when he comes in to town in 2 weeks I do love her we got 2 kids should I confront her or catch them in act


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Jmf said:


> She got pregnant by him while we were engaged I didn't know I knew they had sex now they are texting I got a app where I can see her text they are suppose meet when he comes in to town in 2 weeks I do love her we got 2 kids should I confront her or catch them in act


Find out if he is married. let his wife know about the texts. 

After you have done that....let her know that you know and fill out the divorce paperwork. That will tell the tail.


Note: Make sure there isn't some elephant in the room....you aren't crack addicted or a cheater yourself...you don't abuse her...etc..


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I would not comfort her, but I would sure try to catch her meeting up with him.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Sorry you're here, does she know you're reading her texts? If not don't tell her.

The fact you put an app on her phone puts you way ahead of many others when they come on this site.

You haven't mentioned whats in the texts. I suspect it's not good especially since she cheated during your engagement with him.

You're going to get some very good advice shortly that might be difficult to hear but we know how you feel right now. It sucks.

Sounds like an EA at a minimum knowing the back history. Why are they getting together? Did she tell you they will be seeing each other or did you discover this with the app on the phone?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Lostme said:


> I would not comfort her, but I would sure try to catch her meeting up with him.


He has copies of the text. 

he should have the divorce papers drawn up (doesn't have to file them)...if she is just in the text stage...early phases of her EA...that might just scare the beegessus out of her enough to wake up


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## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

That's what I'm thinking there no elephant she stay at home mom I work a lot but that's cause she drives a rangerover and big house I found out about her being pregnant by him from her text to him I guess if you give enough rope she will hang herself I kind of feel like it's my fault sometimes cause I work a lot and spend a lot time with kids cause she never want to go with us anywhere


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Jmf said:


> That's what I'm thinking there no elephant she stay at home mom I work a lot but that's cause she drives a rangerover and big house I found out about her being pregnant by him from her text to him I guess if you give enough rope she will hang herself *I kind of feel like it's my fault sometimes cause I work a lot and spend a lot time with kids cause she never want to go with us anywhere*


Separate Issues. This has nothing to do with her attempting to hook up with an old Boyfriend.

Get that out of your head right now.


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## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

Sorry knew to all this what is a ea no she don't have clue I'm reading her text sometimes it's hard not to say something. She tells me she hated her life a lot though since they have been texting she has been real nice she also leaves in the night when she thinks I'm asleep says she just ran to Wal mart then I check and she has been on phone with him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

Learned about via her text she has never mentioned to me anything in text the talk about how good it was back then and how she never has never felt that good and how they wish to do it again and now they are sending pics
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*So as you related, she got pregnant while you were engaged!

What then was the result of that pregnancy?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

EA = emotional affair but in your case it's with a twist. The fact she cheated or you during your engagement is almost like a PA (physical affair) because she got pregnant and miscarried. 

I'm not trying to stir the pot but I wonder if she really did miscarry or thats what she told him. She was engaged to you at the time. How was she going to explain her pregnancy to you? 

btw ,,, it's not your fault. She's the one texting.


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## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

Miscarriage I am just now finding out about it if I would knew I don't know if I would have married her and to make matters worse I have worked for her dads company 20 years so I guess I will have to find new job also
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Stay Calm. 

Draw up the papers. It is doubtful that she would want (or would her father) want you not working...that would be bad for CS and alimony. 

Draw up the papers...what she is doing in the text is called re-writing histopry. She no doubt is conflicted -that means YOU have to be the bad guy. 

Let this go at your peril. Once the light of day is cast on this little tete-a-tete...her mood will change


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Before you do anything, I'd retain a lawyer. Then, I'd confront her. I'm not big on the whole 'follow them, hide in the bushes, and catch 'em' methodology. I would just confront her...say you know this to be true, say why...and watch her reaction.

I would then ask to separate. That's my advice. Sorry you are going through this stress and sadness.


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## Jmf (Feb 9, 2016)

Is it normal to go from mad as hell to just wanting to cry to blaming yourself I just feel weird
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Jmf said:


> Is it normal to go from mad as hell to just wanting to cry to blaming yourself I just feel weird
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. You are experiencing a betrayal akin to the death of a loved one. 

You are experiencing the death of the wife you thought you had. The end of the life you thought you had. 

It's ok. It's normal. You can fix all of this...or at least most of it. By being you, taking care of you and being strong


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