# I guess thats it....



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I have 2 other threads on here which I will try to link if I can figure out how. Basically though, my H cheated with a just turned 22 yr old and denied till he couldn't anymore. He has no remorse at all. Refuses to do a NC letter ststing that he doesn't understand why he has to when he didn't have to the last time he cheated. Doesn't want to go back to MC and blames the counselor for us having issues when we left everytime (he started the affair after we started counseling ). Will not give me what I need (physical touch) and says he "guesses he has to try harder" but never does. I know he was talking to her on text free and even though he has admitted alot, he will not admit that. He erased it from his phone and said he never used it but when I looked later, it was on again. I waited a week or two and I uninstalled it from his phone. Waited another week, ta da! It was there again. That's magic. According to him, his phone put it back on, not him. I'm not sure if I should be more insulted with the lies or that he thinks I am that stupid. Anyway, even though I shouldn't be, I have been trying to fill his love tank by doing acts of service. After the phone thing he said," I was feeling better about is but now I am not". I told him I wasn't feeling better at all because even though I have asked him to touch me, he still doesn't ao I still feel rejected daily. I pray constantly that God guides me and that I understand the message. I had a dream last night that he basically was going to drown and be taken away from me (shortened version) and I think it's time now for me to pull away and do what I have to for my kids. If finances weren't an issue, this would be easier but as it is, I'm scared. I just wish my husband would come back but I know I deserve better than this. Now let's just hope I can keep this resolve. Sorry for any misspellings, I'm on my phone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You definitely deserve better than this! I don't even know why you are bothering to try to "fill his love tank" at this point.

He is still cheating and doesn't even have the grace to pretend to be remorseful.

I'd do some planning and figure out how you can survive alone with your kids. Keep in mind that he will almost certainly be liable for child support, and perhaps some limited amount of spousal support if you have been a SAHM.

Please do keep posting and reading, you'll find a lot of good advice and support here.


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

Husband refuses to leave, he's caught and still lying and gaslighting, Oh my gosh! Did I go too far?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Did YOU go too far? I don't think so. What did YOU do?


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

Actually, my dad died a month ago and I had to meet with the lawyer about hisyou stuff and found out that he will have to pay child support for 3you kids and alimony since I have been a sahm. I want to go back to work and support us too. On top of this, my mom is on her death bed. Can you say stress?
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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

Sorry, those were supposed to be the tags 
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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"Refuses to do a NC letter ststing that he doesn't understand why he has to when he didn't have to the last time he cheated."

Yeah, this is when you went too far. You sent him a sign that he saw as that the cheating wasn't a big deal. So he continued.

Maybe it's lawyer time instead of counseling time.

EDITED: Glad to see you went to a lawyer. And sorry about the other stresses in your life.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

ImperfectMomma said:


> Actually, my dad died a month ago and I had to meet with the lawyer about hisyou stuff and found out that he will have to pay child support for 3you kids and alimony since I have been a sahm. I want to go back to work and support us too. On top of this, my mom is on her death bed. Can you say stress?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, my dear. I just wish I could give you a huge hug, and about $20,000. Parental death is hugely stressful, as you know, and my heart goes out to you.

Depending on how strong you feel, I think I'd start doing my planning for the divorce, but probably tough it out for a few more months until all the family tragedy has concluded. Do start saving wherever you can, even if it means padding the grocery budget.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

He might as well have a sign around his neck that says, "I love being married and dating on the side, and I have zero plans to quit because it's that good." When someone acts like this, you must ask what they get out of being married. You have your likely answer: he will take a hit if he gets divorced. This is just all about HIM. Keep on protecting yourself, the last thing you need, for example, is for him to be hiding money; that is common in your situation.

As painful as it is, I would start emotionally detaching (read the 180). It's about being the best YOU you know how to be, getting rest and exercise and eating right, because you need to be strong for what lies ahead, most likely without his sorry ass.
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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

My parents were both in the hospital in the same week (and Dad ended up passing away) and it was also the week I got proof of the affair. Talk about a terrible week! I just wish this wasn't so hard. Like so many others on here, I wish my best friend would come back and this horrible person that took his place would never be seen again. The only reason there was no NC letter last time is bc I hadn't found this site. The worst thing is that he works with both of these, well, there is a word for them and he is actually their supervisor. Sigh.
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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

If there is an A is it the WH/WW responsibility to save the marriage. The only responsibility you have it to take them back or not. While the choice is simple the situations are complicated. From what you have OP your husband has chosen to not pursue R. Therefore you are under no obligations(hell even if he was doing R) to take him back. 
It is time to get some D papers out and lay down the battle lines. You have been trying to be nice when you should be outraged. It is time for the 180 and it is time for you to find a new horizon to focus on. Yes you have history with this guy but do you have a future with him? And do you picture yourself happy in this future?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Start divorce procedings yesterday. Follow your lawyer's advice.
Start detaching. Implement a hard 180. --> The 180 degree rules
Stop begging, stop asking, stop reaching out, stop talking except for logistics, schedules and emergencies.
Move on. You deserves better. You already told him your conditions. He just doesn't give a Sh!t and is openly cheating on you, under your nose. He lost any boundaries he had left. He only doing what he needs to not be bothered with questions and demands.
He's not the man you knew. He changed.


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

You are right. I need to stop being nice. I get so angry with myself for doing it too. I feel like such a fool when I do but I also realize that it's my personality. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me that I can't hold onto my anger and hurt enough but I think maybe it's because there is so much going on in my lofe that if I were to do that, I would break. I feel like this is all such a simple fix....but not something I can do. I even planned a spontaneous trip to the beach as a family for father's day because that's what my kids wanted to do. Talk about setting yourself up for rejection and feeling like a fool. We were actually separated until my dad died and he came home to help with that, the vaca, etc but it is definitely time for him to move out and get his heqd on straight and time for me to find myself and take care of myself and our kids.
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