# I am in pieces on the inside



## Aero (May 10, 2010)

I am divorced know 2 and a half month now. My ex had an affair since May 2014 with a girl almost 20 years younger then himself. He told her we were divorced and she lived with him for 6 weeks and in that 6weeks they got engaged. When I found out about it he said they were not engaged but they were. So they ended the affair because of the lies he told her and he wanted to come back to me and our two kids (now 19 and 15). He came back and made us believed that he is back and twee weeks back at his work he works abroad he wants to divorce. So they are back together and engaged again. And he told her I am bipolar and it is not true, he told her I am a stupid cow and how a shamed he is because of my poor childhood and that I am average and he felt embarest for being married to me for 22 years. He hurt me very much and I just can't let go. When he gets one month off after 3 months of working he will go to her and spent time with her and he didn't came to see his children for 6 months. He only came to see them because he had to be here for our divorced in court. I didn't want to divorced him but he said if I don't sign the papers he will make my life hell untill I am dead. so he got what he wanted. He told me he can not be here for our daughter birthday because he doesn't have any vacation days left and he had to work all through Christmas. So two days before Christmas we heard he is on his way toe her and they travelled trough Europe for 2 weeks. Now my sons birthday is coming up and he can not be here. I just feel like she is more important than my kids. So yesterday I asked him about it and he said that it is all because of me that he doesn't come to see the children. Everything is all ways my fauld according to him. How can he just turn his back on his children. My dad died the week just before our court day for the divorced and he didn't even called me the day my dad died. He just wasn't here for me when I really needed him. But all of these years I was there for him without that he had to asked me. For him this relationship with thee OW is very important to him because it's still a very young relationship so he has to work on the relationship. He is doing stuff for her that he had never done for me. He is never here for the children and they need and miss there dad. This is very difficult for me and I know it sounds crazy but I miss him so much and I feel I want my husband and the father of my kids back. He isn't the man I knew. This isn't my husband (I know he isn't anymore) that I know. I can not understand what is happening and he said he doesn't love me anymore but we were fine and so close to each other. I just can't let go and my heart is broken in to pieces. How do I go on. I am so alone, I have no parents anymore and my husband just left me. I told him yesterday that I still love him and miss him so much and I wish that he would came back. But there are no feeling from his side. He got what he wanted and that's all that matters to him. He doesn't know what is going on in my childrens life, he just don't care. If he phones them it's just like 'Hello, how are you' that's that. This OW his more important than his one kids. And he will tell my daughter that her kids and his new kids are going to play together some time...... I mean what the hell. He only calls me when he wants me to do stuff for him other than that I don't hear from him. I just know I can not go on like this and I don't know what to do. I can not just push a button and all my feelings are gone that I still feel for him. But it seems that it was no problem for him.:crying:


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Focus on taking care of yourself and your kids. I have no good words of wisdom in how to deal with the pain, that is something that unfortunately has to be worked thru. 

Are you a member of a church? 

Does your employer have any benefit providing a couple of free counseling sessions.

You are facing the hardest time now, it will slowly get better.


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## Aero (May 10, 2010)

I went for counselling but it is just not helping. They did told me that I was in a verbal abused relationship. And they tried to help me to see that and to let me see that I am worth so much more than all this stuff my husband did to me. But I still just can't let go. And it hurts like hell. Some times I feel I just could die of all this hurt in side of me. My ex is having a ball with this new girlfriend and I am the one that is left with my childrens hearts that are in pieces and with all the responsibilities. As long as he can keep her happy and give her everything she wants he doesn't care about us.


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## Aero (May 10, 2010)

Angela I really don't know how this advise of yours are going to help me. I already know that he told a lot of lies about me to this OW to let me look bad.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Aero said:


> I went for counselling but it is just not helping. They did told me that I was in a verbal abused relationship. And they tried to help me to see that and to let me see that I am worth so much more than all this stuff my husband did to me. But I still just can't let go. And it hurts like hell. Some times I feel I just could die of all this hurt in side of me. My ex is having a ball with this new girlfriend and I am the one that is left with my childrens hearts that are in pieces and with all the responsibilities. As long as he can keep her happy and give her everything she wants he doesn't care about us.


Your kids will see what kind of a man their father is, even without you saying anything. I understand you want to protect their feelings, but don't hide things from them.

Abusive relationships take time to get past. A year from now you will be stronger and looking forward to a better life without him.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Aero said:


> I went for counselling but it is just not helping. They did told me that I was in a verbal abused relationship. And they tried to help me to see that and to let me see that I am worth so much more than all this stuff my husband did to me. But I still just can't let go. And it hurts like hell. Some times I feel I just could die of all this hurt in side of me. My ex is having a ball with this new girlfriend and I am the one that is left with my childrens hearts that are in pieces and with all the responsibilities. As long as he can keep her happy and give her everything she wants he doesn't care about us.


Pain is temporary, even though it feels permanent. Knowing and focusing on this will help. 

You need to come to the realization that only you can make yourself happy. This is a fact, which also means that your happiness can begin at the moment you invest faith in new beliefs and realize your beauty and qualities.

You are durable, despite having all the weight on your shoulders. That is pretty remarkable. 

Relationship Teacher


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

fyi: NOT THE SPELL CASTERS HERE!!!! ugh


I am so sorry this has happened. I understand the surreal experience of thinking you know someone, after all of these years, and finding out how cruel and heartless they are....

I would recommend look at the book or website of Michelle Weiner-Davis and the Last Resort Technique (google it). Even though you are divorced, it has some very good information on getting yourself back. 

As you have figured out, the begging, pleading, and "I love yous" only run them away. There is no guarantee but at least it feels proactive and seeks to build your self confidence back.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Aero, please ignore the people asking you to click on links or whatever. That doesn't usually happen here, but they are trolls. Just ignore.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'd encourage you to continue on with counseling, because it will help. You have to try to shift your focus away from expecting him to care about you. He's shown that he doesn't, but that doesn't mean you're not worthy of care. You are, but in this season of your life you will have to be the one to provide that care to yourself. Continually hashing out all of the ways he's wronged you and how awful he is will not help, although it is normal. 

The only advice I can give is that with time and distance from him, it will get easier to detach. A year ago I was an emotional MESS. I'm so much better now. I have not seen my ex since June, and there's no reason for me to. We have teenagers but when he drops them off or vice versa, there's no reason to see him. I interact with him as little as possible via text and email. I know it is cliche, but time does heal.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I know this must be incredibly painful after so many years
What your WH has done says so much more about his character than yours, your kids are not stupid. His OW will discover who he really is in due time, karma will bite her in the a$$ but but by then you will not care.
You have to:
- take care of yourself now, keep at the counselling, slowly but surely you will feel better
- do not contact him, beg him, tell him you miss him, nothing
- do the 180 and go no contact, do not do things for him at all, 
- ensure you have a lawyer and proceed with D, ensure he pays for all the things he must pay for
- do not help him in any way, now you do things for him and he has her too, a perfect little set up
- he is no longer entitled to your time, effort, patience, anything
laslty, your kids are already big, they are not stupid! Tell them exactly what has happened, it is not your job to make him look better in front of his kids, the kids know you love them very much, they already know what a douche bag your WH is. I knew at the age of 7 that my father was a ********* when I only saw him once or twice a year and when he brought expensive toys but barely spoke to me for 3 minutes. Your children are entitled to know the truth, if not they have already made up their own truth. it is not your job to repair the relationship between his kids and him, he has done the damage, let him deal with it.

You are only responsible for your behaviour and how you react, nothing more or less.


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