# GF wants me to move out but stay together.



## Rogers

I've been with my GF for two years and we've been living together for one year in a rented apartment. She's 47 I'm 43. 
We've had a few problems lately to the point that she said it was over. I started to improve on my faults to the point that she was happy for the changes. 
Anyway after a few weeks of her sleeping in the spare bed she started sleeping in our bed again and even though she says we're still not together and she needs time and space, were spending time with each other, going away, having sex again and all of that. She cuddles me on the couch and will show affection to me even in public. 

Our lease on the apartment is due to finish in October and the RE agent said the owner wants to move his family back into the house so we have to get out. But my GF has said that we shouldn't live together and that I should find somewhere else to live. She doesn't want to split up just would rather live apart. She said maybe in 3 months we might decide to live together again but for now doesn't want to. 
I'm devastated as I want us to live together. I don't want to have to go back to mums house. 
So just looking for some advice in what to do here. I've got five weeks before the lease ends so would like to try and make her come around without pressuring her as she told the counsellor we are seeing that me putting pressure on her is pushing her further away. 

Would doing the 180 work in this case and if so can someone give me advice on how best to implement it in this situation e.g. Not actually splitting up. 
Thanks heaps
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald

I think she wants a time-out from your relationship & you can't change her mind even with the 180.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.


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## Holland

TBH it doesn't sound like a healthy situation, don't move back in together.

At your age why would you move back home? Do you work, have other friends you could move in with?
Have you ever lived alone?

Why does she say you 2 are no longer together but she still sleeps with you?

It all sounds a bit dysfunctional. Maybe get yourself together and later try living together again.


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## Rogers

Holland said:


> TBH it doesn't sound like a healthy situation, don't move back in together.
> 
> At your age why would you move back home? Do you work, have other friends you could move in with?
> Have you ever lived alone?
> 
> Why does she say you 2 are no longer together but she still sleeps with you?
> 
> It all sounds a bit dysfunctional. Maybe get yourself together and later try living together again.



I lived on my own for 2 years before we moved in together but I would have to go back to mums for a few months to get some money together to rent a place. 
I really don't know why she says we're not together but acts like we are. We sit at night eating dinner and cuddle on the couch watching tv and do everything that a couple does even went away for 3 days last weekend. I think she just likes to say we're not together as a way out if things don't keep improving between us, which they have so far hence why she now sleeps back in our bed and is having sex with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bahbahsheep

She needs a breather for many reasons:

Maybe 
1) she thinks that you are actually a **** but she doesn't want to offend you by directly pointing it out so she is using this opportunity to stay away from you.

2) she thinks there are better things in life outside of what is happening between you and her and she wants to experience it without your presence.


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## Jonesey

bahbahsheep said:


> She needs a breather for many reasons:
> 
> *Maybe
> 1) she thinks that you are actually a **** but she doesn't want to offend you by directly pointing it out so she is using this opportunity to stay away from you.*
> 
> This one is the most likely.Because we all love to have sex,cuddle go on vacation with a-holes:slap:
> 
> 
> *2) she thinks there are better things in life outside of what is happening between you and her and she wants to experience it without your presence.*


*
*Option 2, Now you are on to something


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## costa200

She has you as backup plan in case she fails to find a better guy. At the moment you're cramping her style in that search. Some months apart its just what she needs...


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## Innosenses

Here is the best advice! You should go alone with the plans of getting your own place, bc she wants to see how independent you are on your own! I have the same situation and all I wish I would have saw my husband taking care of him self b4, bc he would do some small things different. Moving back with mom is not going to prove your independence, but will only set you back as far as growth as the strong man she wants you to be. Maybe if you save up for the place and seriously try to save she will move together, but just wants to see how self sufficient you are!


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## F-102

She seems to have serious commitment issues. She seems like one of those "on again/off again" types. Do you want to spend more time with someone who will only think of you when it's convenient for her?

But I agree with the others, too. She may be looking out the window and seeing greener pastures out there, and your presence in her life is an inconvenient truth.


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## chillymorn

just keep her as a f buddy . get your own place and start playing the field.


sounds like the best of both worlds.

shes checked out of the relationship anyways.


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## NextTimeAround

****We've had a few problems lately to the point that she said it was over. I started to improve on my faults to the point that she was happy for the changes. ****

you don't say what she was unhappy about. I would say though, given the fact that I have been on both sides of this equation, when a partner repeatedly complains about something and the other partner first ignores the complaint; then makes only superficial of short term changes, then the relationship is doomed. That person is merely biding their time until it's convenient for them to move on.

In a relationship I had a few years ago, I complained repeatedly about 2 issues of great concern to me.

One of them was the fact that my bf at the time refused to go down on me as well as refused to give any digital stimulation to my vagina at all. (FTR, yes i did go down on him and without his asking me to do so.) When I withheld sex from him, then he would do things exactly as I liked for him to.

So it was constant cat and mouse. Not healthy in a relationship.

If you want a relationship to go the distance, you need to ask yourself how much do you want to be with this person versus how much do you want to comply with whatever they are repeatedly asking you to do. 

At some point, your gf checked out AND before you FINALLY made the changes.


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## IrishGirlVA

I think this post was meant for me to respond to. I lived with my bf for 3 months and decided to move back out recently. We just weren't getting along and I felt that space was needed for both of us to work on our issues and figure out why we weren't getting along. When I told him I didn't want to end the relationship, I meant it. I still want him physically and I still want to talk to him. I haven't seen him since I moved out (almost 2 weeks ago) because we need this time apart to reconnect. It sounds crazy but that is what needs to be done. And it may or may not work out. Time will tell. And if it doesn't then I'll be sad but will move on. 

In your case, just ask yourself --- why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? At the end of the day she may be doing you a great favor. Perhaps this time away you'll be able to evaluate your relationship and really look at what it is you want. It's hard to do that when you are still living together and still being intimate. If it makes you uncomfortable being physical with her then do the 180. But don't do the 180 if your sole purpose of doing it is to punish her. Sort of like the, "I'll show her" mentality. It won't work. 

I say move in with your mother for a few months, look for apartments and save money. After a few months you should both know if 1) you get back together or 2) you go your separate ways. But it's important to really keep your eyes open after you stop living together. She could just be saying she wants to stay together to keep the peace for the next 5 weeks. You'll know what she really wants after you move apart. And remember, she is not the one who makes the final decision if you two stay together or not. If you are not happy with the situation then you have every opportunity to move on yourself. 

Good luck!


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## Rogers

My main problems she complained about were that I often raised my voice but it was usually after she had started on me over something petty. Shes very moody and Im convinced shes going through Peri menopause. She would start on me over petty crap and i would defend myself and it would turn into an argument. Then I would raise my voice and she would have a knack of turning it all around so the argument was about me raising my voice, not about the petty thing she had a go at me for in the first place.
But Ive learnt to control this. Some of the other issues were just about us not getting anywhere financially and me quitting smoking which I did.

Its hard to know what she wants, one minute she is nice as pie to me the next shes very moody. This morning she got up and was in a mood and I have no idea what I did to her. 
Shes going out tonight and I asked her where she was going and she got all nasty and cracked it with me saying why do I have to ask so many questions. (No before anyone says it shes not cheating, hasn't found someone else etc, I know this for fact) She's going out with a girlfriend for dinner and a movie.

Then i dropped her off at the hairdressers and said I would come in so if they werent going to do it straight away we could do some shopping. She insisted that I didnt come in with her and cracked it with me when I did. I kept asking what her problem was but she just said go away. I have no idea why she didn't want me in there as I always go in with her and often get my hair cut too there. 
I could only guess that she had told them last time she had split up with me as I wasn't there so didn't want them seeing me.

She said I smother her too much and she needs some space so for the next day I didnt kiss her or show her any affection and she had a go at me saying I only show her affection when it suits me. I told her that she was the one who told me to stop smothering her. See I cant win I give her what she wants and she's still not happy.

I do agree that she's either just being nice to me until I help her move out etc etc or she doesn't want to hurt me by saying its over now, so step one is move out separately then step two is just to stop seeing me. I doubt her story that she just needs space and time to figure things out but you never know I suppose.

Im currently reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and must admit that book describes me to a T.


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## Rogers

Oh and I don't need to move into mums house now and can rent my own place. Mum is just going to lend me the bond until I get mine back from this house were in now and can pay her back with it.


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## Lifeisnotsogood2

Why would you have to move to mums house. Are you unemployed. If yes, that's probably why she wants out. She doesn't want to have to take care of you.


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## costa200

> See I cant win I give her what she wants and she's still not happy.


You're not giving her what she wants. You're giving her what she *SAYS* she wants. Yeah, i know, women can be complicated...

It seems like she is totally sure she can play you like a violin. Come here, go there, come here again, no, go away... Sit... Roll over...

Are you getting it? Have you stop to think if she is really all that that you must annul yourself to please her? Women like men they can control. Until they get them. Then they lose interest.


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## F-102

She said the "S" word, she wanted "space".

Uh oh....


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## Rogers

Okay but how do I stop doing this. In any situation where she's wanted something that I wasnt willing to give and Ive told her no we've ended up in a fight where she wouldn't talk to me for days and days. 

I agree that shes probably bored as she has a lot of control over me. But at first I would fight it and she would end up fighting with me and I got sick of not talking to her for days and days so I suppose I eventually gave in with a lot of things just to keep the peace.
She even told our counsellor that she is the dominant one out of us. Thats why i was considering doing the 180 not to get payback just to make sure that she doesnt get her own way anymore. At least for the next 10 weeks until we have to finally move out of our house.

And BTW Im not unemployed, I have a good job with company car.


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## NextTimeAround

costa200 said:


> You're not giving her what she wants. You're giving her what she *SAYS* she wants. Yeah, i know, women can be complicated...
> *
> It seems like she is totally sure she can play you like a violin. Come here, go there, come here again, no, go away... Sit... Roll over...*
> 
> Are you getting it? Have you stop to think if she is really all that that you must annul yourself to please her? Women like men they can control. Until they get them. Then they lose interest.


that is something else to think about. some people just like to complain when their complaints have no merit. For example, my mother is always complaining about how I dress (I'm in my 50s).


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