# Here I am again



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

But this time Im done feeling sorry for myself........ I dont have all my ducks in a row but I need to get out not only for myself but my son. I went thru bank statements and found while money was so tight that he took $500. to a strip club I guess I should have seen it coming I was putting a blind eye to my life.

Well Im ready to take it back this is my life damn it and Im not going to allow you to run it. We will see but Im not sure were we are going to go but Im hopping some one will hear me and throw a life line. Wish me luck Im so scared but it's a good scared so that I look at everything with my eyes wide open. 

Cyber hugs guys I need them now more than you will ever know.


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## NeverSure (May 21, 2009)

All I can offer is a virtual hug. I know the pain and it feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest I know. I don't know much about your situation but from what I read above, you need to get out and make a better life for you and your son. Then again, as I said, i don't know much about your story. Maybe there's a lot more to it and it can be worked out through mutual effort and counselling. Three weeks ago, I left in the middle of the night with no intention of coming back...until he begged me to go to counselling with him and promised me that he would be completely transparent and work on being in the relationship with me. I felt I had to give it a shot (though at the time I didn't believe there was much hope because I was hurting so much) and now I am so glad I did. It really depends on what exactly has transpired and how much you both really want to be together. In any case, good luck!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Good luck, MyKidsMom! (((((***** HUG *****)))))


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## msadorable (Jun 1, 2009)

Just joined,,,,but HUGGS!!!!


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thanks guys I needed the hugs. I will write more soon but I did it I told him I would be gone before his daughter gets here on the 29th.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Keep it coming please I need the advice and the words .


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Hey, MKM...we all love you! We want only the best for your life! Hang in there and know we believe in you, too.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thanks a ton for the support........:smthumbup:Im scared but the good kind of scared???? I need my eyes wide open, cause they have been closed for way to long. 

Funny how he turned it all back on me, I say fine to that, that's ok if that's what get's you thru your day... Cause I know in my heart that I deserve so much more. I have so much to give, and I should be giving that to my son. Not to some one that would treat (not just me) but anyone like he has treated me.

Well enough about me, thank you so much for the hugs, thoughts. I just need to remember to stay strong now I have the momentum keep moving forward. 

And again you could keep the posts coming it's helping.


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

Wow I can't say a single post has ever brought a tear to my eye before but this one has. 

I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. Stay strong.

{HUG}


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

MKM, There is someone out there who will be lucky to have you. Stay strong.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thanks everyone. Today started early. My heart is broken, but Im still strong. I guess Im a glutten I checked his email last night, granted this was from 9/8/08 but he was trying to hook up with some **** gal off the internet. Not to mention the Adult friend frinders I caught him on or the other sex site, the new emails he does not remember passwords to???????? ya right.

The one thing is he sure knows how to fight and stick up for him self but would he do anything for his family NO. No fight all he can say is I can not believe you opened my mail after 15 years of being the only one to file anything in this house Ummmmmmmmm hello,. I guess I know what to do I just wish I had family I could go to...... Or a friends house but it is what it is I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving. 

I fell off my cloud while I tryed to close my eyes. I know Im going to have good days and bad, I have to keep telling myself I deserve much better.

Thanks for the posts I need them now more than anything else in the world I just need something to hold onto. I know none of you know me but I would like to think that I would be liked. I need to remember Im OKray:


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## NeverSure (May 21, 2009)

MKM, you sound like you have a darn good head on your shoulders and you seem to have a sense of your self worth. That in itself is a good start. I have no doubts that you are going to be ok and actually, I believe ridding yourself of all this turmoil will make you feel good sooner rather than later. I applaud you for doing what is right for you and your son. I left my first husband (my daughter's father) because he was very emotionally/verbally abusive, not to mention unfaithful. It took every ounce of courage I had to do it but I felt liberated when I did. I got myself an apartment and it was actually a very enjoyable/exciting time because my daughter (then 5) and I had our own place and we got to spend lots of time together and it was great! Best of luck to you! **HUGE HUGS**


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Oh ya so he said that he did not take $500. while our water was turned off he said 300 of that when to his friend, that he owed money to. And he only spent 100 while his son and I sat here with no water. Oh well spin the story to make you feel better I still had to borrow money to pay my water bill.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

To all that have posted THANK YOU so much. Im ok I know I am . I slep in the guest bedroom last night if you could call it sleep but I rested my body thats all I need at this point keep moving forward.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

MKM, you're welcome to my spare bedroom.  

Sometimes you just need to physically get away from it all, too. Not just in the other room. 

Hang in there, girl. We're here for each other.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

thanks for the offer dcrim :smthumbup: You Rock.... I need to stop the hurt today I guess Im weepy cause my son is still asleep and I can be just me not his mom that has to pull it together. 

You would think after 15 years I would have been kicked long enough. 

This too shall pass.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, keep posting so we know how you're doing!


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thanks Dcrim if we were closer. I have made a few phone calls about rooms for rent 1 said no after thinking about it. 3 have not called back. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

I got 2 great emails from him today. I should post them so you all could read between the lines. Oh ya I had a moment I have been a Big old B im hurt mad and very very angry and Im not going to take it anymore.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

First email So I snooped and found a little more but if you check the dates out you will see that this was about 8 months ago, ok after everything I would go 8 months with out checking his email stupid girl checking up is for the bids.

Ok so this is what he wrote to me:

So I’m trying figure out what is really going on with us right now. First off you need to know that I do love you with all my heart and losing you is the last thing in the world I want to happen. I feel like you want out though and that you have wanted out for a long time. Yes I have done some stupid **** in the past but I have never cheated on you and never would. I thought things were going pretty good the past couple months till your sister showed up then you seemed to be a different person, things just didn’t feel right and then you go digging to find some thing. Wether it’s to give you a opening to leave or what I don’t know. Remember when you told me about S-sister in law finding out that B-brother in law was looking at porn sites and I said it’s just porn? I have been thinking about that ever since that day and why. Well you know you are my best friend, my lover and my fantasy woman and it seems some of that was lost when we had little joe. You have it very rough because you have to be a mother now and still try to be all those things I want you to be. We never have any me and you time any more or date night stuff I guess. What have we had maybe 3 nights in 3 years? Really? How can we get back to us like that? Don’t get me wrong please because I don’t regret having little joe in the least. I love him to death and you have done a great job with him but what about us? I have been asking about us for a long time, just me and you!! When do we get back to that? I guess we don’t now but you get what I’m saying. I’m still just in awe that you want to throw it all away because I went to a strip club. I understand the past crap but it still makes me wonder whats going on. Do you remember were I was when I found out you were single? I guess I didn’t think it was that big of deal but again I thought wrong. I don’t really know what else to say because I’m sitting here thinking about going home to a empty house and that has me pretty pissed off. I’m not trying to blame you for all this, I think we both screwed up (me more than any thing) 



I miss YOU, my friend and lover and I wish I had that back



(This is from Me)


Im not sure what to say Im just so mad. And it is not just the strip club I can deal with that if I was told. Please see below email. Write back soon

(From Joe-to girl 9/8/08,) 

Hi Kat,
I got your message and sent you one back on AM. So NY huuh? Glad to hear from and look forward to chating with you more. As for me, other than whats in my profile I'm a pretty active person that enjoys boating and motorcycles. I race motocross so that keeps in pretty good shape (I'm no body builder) look forward to hearing from you.

Joe


(From: katie. the girl from the internet) 

thats nice to know yyou have a fit body...hope we can chat.....do you have yahoo messenger or msn? email me back!



Second email


What am I suppose to say. That was the web cams thing and like I told you before I never did get on it and that was a year ago. 

I dont know what to tell you other than it's not fair to you. I completely understand you being mad, I would be to. I guess I was trying to fill a void and the online stuff was easy and "safe" so to speak. You like I said earlier, I miss you, I miss us. We cant get back to us if is there is no us..

Ugggggggggggggggg


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