# Inheritance



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Hi guys, I'm new here. I've decided to shy away from topics that are going to upset me (long story) as to be honest, I'm quite fragile atm due to unrelated things. But money? I can always talk about money. I need some advice.

A little backstory. I'm 20 years old, going on 21 in a few months. 

My fiancé is also 20, though a few months younger than I am. 

I'd estimate that while we are both semi-dependent on our parents, we're both in the top 5%.

Without our parents? 

He's dirt broke and I'm dirt broke until I inherit. My grandmother isn't doing terribly well and we were never very close but she's leaving me a sizable amount of money. It's a long story...basically, everyone else is dead and she HATES my mother so I'm the next best thing. 

Well, I don't know what to do about this. I haven't yet told my fiancé about it but it's not as if he'd steal it from me. I want to use the money to get us a house and help us both finish graduate school.

I can't go to my parents about this, knowing them they'd try and convince me to sign it all over to them. They never have been trustworthy when it come to money, I was a minor the first time I inherited (a much smaller amount) and I haven't seen a dime of it. 

A few questions, please forgive them if they are stupid. 

When you get married, does your money automatically become shared unless you have a pre-nup? 

Should I put the money in a fund that only I can access? Won't that make him feel like I'm hiding things?

I love my fiancé but he's the epitome of spoiled. 

He can't cook, clean, do laundry...nothing. He's very, very intelligent but rather lacking in common sense. He spends money like it's water probably because he's always had so much.

I mean, I'm in the same boat as him but my parents ALWAYS made sure I had a job, learned how to manage things...they gave me what I needed and some of the things I wanted but nothing like him.

I didn't get a sports car for my 16th birthday, he did. The differences between our view of money are pretty solid, though we both like to live well. 

So I don't think he'll land us in the broke house but I am worried he'll take one look at that dollar sign and lose his natural born mind. God bless him 

Any advice?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The two biggest problems in marriage are money and sex. If you can't trust your spouse with money then you are probably marrying the wrong person.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

And they seem to have both of these problems.

I would suggest a pre-nup detailing who gets what money, and also the schedule and expectations for sex.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I wouldn't be marrying him any time soon to be honest

He's young, spoiled, can't do anything remotely practical and spends money like water. You sound relatively sensible. Nothing worse than living with someone who has no compunction about spending your money without giving anything back and I haven't even got a lot

Why don't you think you'll end up in the poor house? It's happened to people a lot richer than you....


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

"When you get married, does your money automatically become shared unless you have a pre-nup? "

I don't believe so. The norm, is that everything you earn after marriage is shared. But after a period of time, these things become fuzzy. It is best to have a pre-nup to ensure that 'your stuff' doesn't become marital property.


"Should I put the money in a fund that only I can access? Won't that make him feel like I'm hiding things?"

If you inherit money before you get married, a pre-nup should keep it safe from becoming marital property.

If you inherit money after you are married, it can become marital property if it isn't kept separate from marital funds. The advice is to keep it separate. You might want to talk to an attorney about this. I am not sure how you can buy a house with it and still have it separate. Maybe you need to form some kind of trust, that you own, and the trust would own the house. Best to talk to an attorney.

When I got married I was broke, when I inherited a few thousand dollars, I never even thought of protecting the inheritance by keeping it separate. Everything that we have is both of ours.

I think I would find it difficult to discuss a pre-nup with your partner. I grew up in a family where almost nobody is divorced. When I got married it really was with the idea that it was for life. But there are many people that get married thinking that if it doesn't work out, they can just get a divorce. 

Having a pre-nup is smart (because many marriages do end), but the idea of having one just seems backwards to me. If I needed a pre-nup, I wouldn't have gotten married.


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## Inception (Jan 16, 2013)

If you can't really trust him with money now thats not a good sign going into a marriage. 

That problem will only get that much bigger once you are married.


I think the most important thing a couple can talk about when they are dating is
how they handle money, its so much easier when both couples are on the same page when it comes to finances.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> The two biggest problems in marriage are money and sex. If you can't trust your spouse with money then you are probably marrying the wrong person.


I think he just needs to learn how to manage it, I feel he is capable but just young. Sadly, I have no idea how to teach him.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> "When you get married, does your money automatically become shared unless you have a pre-nup? "
> 
> I don't believe so. The norm, is that everything you earn after marriage is shared. But after a period of time, these things become fuzzy. It is best to have a pre-nup to ensure that 'your stuff' doesn't become marital property.
> 
> ...


I agree with you.

Divorce is not an option I keep in my "back pocket" so to speak. It doesn't even cross my mind. 

I'm going to speak to my grandmama's attorneys about money and see what they advise.

I doubt I'll get a pre-nup. Are there people you can hire to manage your money for you? I'm no good at this, I just learned how to pay a bill a few months ago.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Thoreau said:


> And they seem to have both of these problems.
> 
> I would suggest a pre-nup detailing who gets what money, and also the schedule and expectations for sex.


Pre-nup sounds rather extreme for my liking but perhaps a separate account that he has limited access to would work out.

As for sex, we're a bit young to be scheduling sex. It just sort of happens and just so you know, I have no intention of cutting him off.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Inception said:


> If you can't really trust him with money now thats not a good sign going into a marriage.
> 
> That problem will only get that much bigger once you are married.
> 
> ...


Is there a difference between simply being irresponsible and being uneducated?

Is anyone born knowing how to manage money? Serious question, how did all of you guys learn?

Is there a class or something?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Get a book on BUDGETING for COUPLES. Read it. Have him read it. OR read it together.

If he WON'T read it, I would advise you to forget about marrying him for AT LEAST 10 years. (I know, you're not going to listen to me, but I'm going to say it anyway. We all remember how 'smart' how 'right' how 'sure' we ALL were at 20yo. You're entitled to your turn!)

The reason I suggest NOT marrying him if he WON'T do the budget is because THAT is INDICATIVE of being UNWILLING to work proactively, together, in a mature manner on either solving a problem OR creating a meaningful life (not just 'letting life happen' to you willy-nilly).


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Get a book on BUDGETING for COUPLES. Read it. Have him read it. OR read it together.
> 
> If he WON'T read it, I would advise you to forget about marrying him for AT LEAST 10 years. (I know, you're not going to listen to me, but I'm going to say it anyway. We all remember how 'smart' how 'right' how 'sure' we ALL were at 20yo. You're entitled to your turn!)
> 
> ...


Why thank you mama bear, this is very good advice. :agree:

He has never said no to anything I've asked him, so hopefully this will be no different.

He's practical in many ways, we're both law students (I'm a year ahead of him) and so with any luck we'll both be dependably employed, which (I think) solves half the problem.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Which half of the problem does it solve? Trust me, if you don't know how to manage your money, having more money just means you have more to waste! It doesn't mean you'll be further ahead in 20 years. 

My thoughts... Talk to a lawyer about your options, INCLUDING a prenup. Even if the prenup is very limited in scope. But if you use the money to buy a house AFTER you're married, I suspect your run a strong possibility of not being able to protect it. If you buy it BEFORE you get married, you might be in better shape. In any case, it sounds like both of you could use some workshops and/or counselling to get a healthy start in your finances. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what to do. After all, you don't know how to practice law yet, so what did you do? You went to school! So do the same thing with your finances. Make it fun and something to do together. Make challenges and rewards for meeting those challenges. You have an incredible opportunity that many people could only dream of, so take advantage of it!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> I think he just needs to learn how to manage it, I feel he is capable but just young. Sadly, I have no idea how to teach him.


This isn't your job. It's his.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think you need to sit down with an attorney who has experience in these sorts of things, someone who can set up a trust for you so that you are not in any kind of position to be pressured to spend the money in ways that you know are unhealthy.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

PBear said:


> Which half of the problem does it solve? Trust me, if you don't know how to manage your money, having more money just means you have more to waste! It doesn't mean you'll be further ahead in 20 years.
> 
> My thoughts... Talk to a lawyer about your options, INCLUDING a prenup. Even if the prenup is very limited in scope. But if you use the money to buy a house AFTER you're married, I suspect your run a strong possibility of not being able to protect it. If you buy it BEFORE you get married, you might be in better shape. In any case, it sounds like both of you could use some workshops and/or counselling to get a healthy start in your finances. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what to do. After all, you don't know how to practice law yet, so what did you do? You went to school! So do the same thing with your finances. Make it fun and something to do together. Make challenges and rewards for meeting those challenges. You have an incredible opportunity that many people could only dream of, so take advantage of it!
> 
> ...



You are super, super smart! :smthumbup:

Thank you! I think that is a great idea. If I make it fun he'll feel less like I'm saying "Dear I love you but you're a ****ing spoiled idiot, so I'm taking all the money" 

He mentioned a baby and I was like....YOU ARE INSANE SIR, WE ARE UNEMPLOYED. I told him we're waiting until we're at least in our late 20's. 

Hah, I suppose I am the sensible one. Which is scary because I'm not all that sensible :roll eyes:

We're moving in together (not sure when) and in oder to focus on school, I don't insist he gets a job, it is more important we get stellar grades so we can get job offers in the next year or so.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> I agree with you.
> 
> Divorce is not an option I keep in my "back pocket" so to speak. It doesn't even cross my mind.
> 
> ...


I have a financial advisor. I don't pay him anything directly.

He made sure I have:

1) A will
2) Retirement Plan
3) Investments (for retirement)
4) Life Insurance

He used to sell me the investments and insurance. Their firm quit doing the investment stuff, so I now deal with someone else. I still have life insurance with him.

You need to find someone you trust that is doing what is best for you and not just what is best for him.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> I have a financial advisor. I don't pay him anything directly.
> 
> He made sure I have:
> 
> ...


It's times like these I wish I was still 18 and could call mama and daddy to come do this **** for me!

:rofl:

Good advice! Thank you. It just crossed my mind I don't actually have a will! And I've never paid taxes. Oh ****! I'm gonna have to pay taxes! Welcome to adulthood...


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

In your other thread you mention that your fiance's family doesn't like you. Thinks you are below him.

It might make them feel better if there is a pre-nup in that it will be obvious that you don't want him only for his money. If he has (or will have) a bunch more money than you, then there is less chance that he will care about a pre-nup. He might welcome it.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

michzz said:


> In California, an inheritence is not community property. if you keep it segregated from your joint assets, it remains just yours.
> 
> Bear in mind though, that your spouse may take offense at this.
> 
> ...



If he's going to get upset, I'd rather just let him share it.

He does spent a lot but I wonder if he'll be different when it's our money and not his parents. It's easy so spend a lot when it's not yours.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> In your other thread you mention that your fiance's family doesn't like you. Thinks you are below him.
> 
> It might make them feel better if there is a pre-nup in that it will be obvious that you don't want him only for his money. If he has (or will have) a bunch more money than you, then there is less chance that he will care about a pre-nup. He might welcome it.


I guess it makes logical sense for us to BOTH sign pre-nups as be both have our own money (or will have our own money)

But somehow the idea that you can share everything in marriage, have sex when you'd rather be painting the foyer, etc....but YET this is MY money and this is YOURs kind of bothers me. 

Doesn't seem very romantic. :scratchhead:


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> What you see is what you get. If he's a spender that won't just magically change because it isn't HIS money.
> 
> Experience: I married a spender.


Did it work out?


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## Inception (Jan 16, 2013)

LittleBird said:


> Is there a difference between simply being irresponsible and being uneducated?
> 
> Is anyone born knowing how to manage money? Serious question, how did all of you guys learn?
> 
> Is there a class or something?


 My parents were good with money so I guess they rubbed off on me at a young age, also working at a young age made me realize what it mean to earn a dollar and made me want to save that money. If given money kids like to spend it since they didn't work for it. 

Yeah I am sure there are some good books that would help you but from what I have noticed is that my friends that had parents thats spoiled them are not good with money so I think its mostly something you learn at a young age from your parents.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

Community property laws vary by state. In California, pre-maritally attained assets are not community property, nor is money inherited by one or another spouse. 

I was not aware of the inheritance law until my ex inherited some money, placed it into our joint account, and I "spent" it on an expensive renovation. She objected, and I shuffled around the money so she kept control of it. We were never argued about money, and this little misunderstanding could have been a real problem if I had a short temper. Apparently the law (in California) views inheritance money as being "earned" at birth, and therefore never becomes community property. 

Inasmuch as nothing is as permanent as one thinks, you may do well to contact an attorney to help set things up for you. You may be able to get by by visiting the Nolo Press web site and searching for self-help information. Nolo provided enough information for my ex and I to divorce inexpensively without an attorney, and for me to set up simple reciprocol wills for me and my wife. Of course, self-help usually only works well if the problem is simple and the parties are essentially in agreement.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> I guess it makes logical sense for us to BOTH sign pre-nups as be both have our own money (or will have our own money)
> 
> But somehow the idea that you can share everything in marriage, have sex when you'd rather be painting the foyer, etc....but YET this is MY money and this is YOURs kind of bothers me.
> 
> Doesn't seem very romantic. :scratchhead:


Much of real life is not that romantic, unfortunately.

Another thought is whether you want to make sure any of this gets down to children you may have. Without knowing the how much or what you may inherit, there may be things you want your future children to receive. Setting up a trust now can avoid issues later, particularly in the event of divorce or death.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

LB,

Pardon if this has already been said but I think you have identified that you are more responsible with money so I would suggest you take the advice of getting a financial planner who comes recommended from someone you trust.

Find out when Dave Ramsey is doing a seminar near you and you both enroll. He comes at you with a Christian slant but his strategies for money are sound, tried and true. You do not have to be rude to your guy. Just let him know that you both have to be on the same page about money before you get married or it will tear you apart down the road. Let him know if he cannot prove to be responsible with money your are going to be the one holding the strings.

My Mom did it in my family, my sister in law does it in her family and I do it in mine. Why? Because our spouse exhibit no self restraint when it comes to managing a dime.

Down the road when you can show him on paper what you have earned and saved he will get a clue quickly.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

RClawson said:


> LB,
> 
> Pardon if this has already been said but I think you have identified that you are more responsible with money so I would suggest you take the advice of getting a financial planner who comes recommended from someone you trust.
> 
> ...


Why thank you!


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## osprey (Jan 10, 2013)

little bird life is no different than law school if you want good grades you have to be prepared for class and do the hard work! If you are going to get married I would recommend you be honest with your bf. Neither of you know anything about managing money or living on a budget or even how to file taxes. So you have to learn. Luckily you both probably have access to good advisors so you should sit down with them as a couple and come up with a blueprint for your future together both financially and emotionaly. After you have a plan you should try to learn as much as you can about why your advisors gave you this advice - trust your advisors but always question them! Best wishes for a wonderful successful life together


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## Kelgirl (Dec 30, 2012)

If he spends money like water..you will have financial problems in your marriage.. believe me.. I am living with a man that spends like water.. has caused stressed and we almost loss our home.. home still in jeopardy of foreclosure. 

My advice is please keep your money separate.. and if at all possible, I would not tell him about it unless I absolutely had to..he will find all kinds of ways to spend that money. If I had to do it all over again, I doubt if I would have married him. However, we have been married for 28 years.. we are now more like roommates than husband and wife.

This is what I found out about inheritance..not sure about the laws in your State..but once you guys are married, once you mix the money with his money in a joint account then it becomes community property and if you would get divorced he would be entitled to maybe half.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I kept my inheritance separate. No pre-nup. Its in my name, but if we need money (like when my H was unemployed) I tap into it, but I make the checks out to myself, not him. This has given me security. I was a SAHM until my kids were in school, and I knew if something happened I was not screwed. I also think it gave me a sense that because I was not earning a wage I was not beholden to him, and wasn't afraid of voicing my opinion (since I was not working). I have been very careful with the money and use it when we need as a family.

Ask yourself if the roles were reversed, what would he do? My H had some savings when we married, and he kept them in his name.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Well coming from someone who went through hell in divorce court it is in your best interest as has been stated to have your inheritance put in an account that is only in your name-inheritance is non marital-comingle it in a joint account then it pretty much ceases to be yours.KEEP all your paperwork concerning this inheritance and subsequent bank statements god forbid you get divorced and your ex is as vindicative as mine you will have to prove every penny in the account is yours.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> I'm no good at this, I just learned how to pay a bill a few months ago.





> I've never paid taxes. Oh ****! I'm gonna have to pay taxes! Welcome to adulthood...


 Oh geez...And you want to get married? Why don't you wait and grow up a bit first? You are freakin' 20 years old! And you and your "fiancee" are still dependent on your parents! You shouldn't even be THINKING about getting married! 

Where the heck are your parents? What do THEY have to say about this? Your grandmother shouldn't be giving you any money just yet, until you can show that you can EARN some first. 


Here's a story for you:

My alcoholic 52 year old soon-to-be-ex husband of 24 years went through $100k of his inheritance in 2 years. Now he's broke. At the time he got the money we were separated and he kept it all for himself and where I live inheritance money isn't community property provided you don't co-mingle it. So I never saw a dime of it.

So now, because he is a drunk and a selfish jack-a*ss he's left my kids and me without a penny. I'm the sole provider for my kids and he has no life or health insurance and is living off credit cards. Oh yeah, and he has a $50k boat that isn't worth the loan that he took out to buy it. If you don't think that your lover boy will be any better than think again.

My advice to YOU, should you inherit this money, is to invest ALL through a reputable financial advisor that you can trust and don't even tell your boyfriend about it. DO NOT MARRY HIM. He sounds like a complete loser as a husband. 

If you don't listen to this we can look forward to your posts in the "Considering Divorce or Separation" section where you will go on and on about your immature loser of a husband who went through your inheritance money, no longer has sex with you and then ditched you for another woman. Oh, I'm sure you'll have a few kids by then..."


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> My advice to YOU, should you inherit this money, is to invest ALL through a reputable financial advisor that you can trust and don't even tell your boyfriend about it. DO NOT MARRY HIM. He sounds like a complete loser as a husband.
> 
> If you don't listen to this we can look forward to your posts in the "Considering Divorce or Separation" section where you will go on and on about your immature loser of a husband who went through your inheritance money, no longer has sex with you and then ditched you for another woman. Oh, I'm sure you'll have a few kids by then..."


This made me lol. Her fiance is loaded. Farts through a new pair of silk underwear everyday.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Oh geez...And you want to get married? Why don't you wait and grow up a bit first? You are freakin' 20 years old! And you and your "fiancee" are still dependent on your parents! You shouldn't even be THINKING about getting married!
> 
> Where the heck are your parents? What do THEY have to say about this? Your grandmother shouldn't be giving you any money just yet, until you can show that you can EARN some first.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this advice.

Well, to answer your question, I think it is physically impossible to blow through the money he's due to receive in time....if it's not, that'd be really, really scary. 

We both plan to have careers, not just blow through inheritance money. 


My parents (my mother) was cut out of my grandma's will a long time ago so I haven't actually broached the subject with her, knowing she'd probably try to get her hands on in somehow.

I inherited some money as a minor and I have never seen a penny of it. 

That's sort of why I'm flying blind because there aren't really any adults I can talk to (at least, not for free.) 

And as for why I'm 20 and engaged, I'm at a different place then most 20 year olds. I'm not on the beach for spring break, I'm halfway done with law school and already have some possible jobs lined up if I keep up this way. 

So my head is 20 but my life circumstance is more 28-30, if that makes any sense.

Oh and sorry about your selfish, jackass of a husband. What a nightmare.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> Thank you for this advice.


Thanks for listening to it. Now read on: 



> To answer your question, I think it is physically impossible to blow through the money he's due to receive in time....if it's not, that'd be really, really scary.
> 
> We both plan to have careers, not just blow through inheritance money.


Good, then forget you have the money. Put it into a safe, long term investment and pretend it's not there. Live off your earnings alone. I begged my H to do that and he didn't listen and NOW he's broke. 

Plus KEEP YOUR MONEY SEPARATE!!! NOW and FOREVER. NO, it's not "romantic" but MARRIAGE isn't romantic. It's a legal, binding contract and it means business. Dating and love is romantic...marriage isn't. 

If I hadn't had a separate savings account when my H emptied our joint checking account, bounced all our bills, including our rent and walked out on us two years ago my children and I wouldn't have been able to move into my 2 bedroom townhouse apartment. We would've been living in a homeless shelter. MY money is what saved us. 

Don't think your boyfriend would do that? Think again. My H was a responsible, hard working guy who was my best friend for 9 years before I married him. He changed. People can and often do change. 



> I inherited some money as a minor and I have never seen a penny of it.
> 
> That's sort of why I'm flying blind because there aren't really any adults I can talk to (at least, not for free.)


Until you start ACTING and THINKING like an adult and can earn a living and conduct your own financial affairs you shouldn't get a dime of that money. I don't care WHAT your age is. It seems that your parents and especially your boyfriend's parents have failed when it comes to instilling fiscal resonsibiltiy in their children. 

My kids get nothing for free. It's not because I'm mean or cheap. It's not about me at all. It's all about teaching THEM to thrive and survive in this world as functioning adults. Giving them allowance and expecting them to budget themselves, to save up for what they want and do is part of being an ADULT. It's MY reponsibility as a parent to teach them this. 

As a result, my kids have had an allowance since they were 13. They have to EARN it and that means doing chores and obeying the rules of the house. If they want something, they save for it. My daughter is 18, has worked steadily since she was 15, pays for her own college, pays for her clothes, her social life and is paying off a loan for a new car. I help her out with a few things but ONLY because she has demonstrated to me that she is a responsible, mature adult. 

My 15 year old son has to operate under the same conditions. Unfortunately my idiot husband spoiled him and now it's up to ME to undo the damage and it's not easy. I've made it clear that he gets nothing unless he earns it and he's going to have to function and make his way through the world on his own. 

Again, I don't do this out of spite or meaness because THAT is my job as a parent. When I read what you've written here first thing I thought was "bad parenting" Both your parents are doing you NO favors by supporting you. 

If you were my kid and I were supporting you, there would be no moving in together, no being supported by me. And absolutely NO talk of engagment or marriage. No more playing "house". All this talk of "inheritance money" would be just that..TALK. Until you could actually deal with it. 

Won't go through the money? Bah! Think of all the people who have won millions in the lottery and are broke just a few years later. You are JUST the type of people who would do that. You've NEVER paid a bill! You've never paid taxes! That means you've never held a real job or had to make a budget. You are 20 going on 13. 



> And as for why I'm 20 and engaged, I'm at a different place then most 20 year olds. I'm not on the beach for spring break, I'm halfway done with law school and already have some possible jobs lined up if I keep up this way.
> 
> So my head is 20 but my life circumstance is more 28-30, if that makes any sense.


Your head is 15, not 20. You are in school and you are playing "house" with your boyfriend. Being "Engaged" is stupid. Plain and simple. You SHOULD go out and have fun on the beach with your friends during break. What's wrong with having fun? You are only 20 once in your life. 

You know what's going to happen when you ARE 30 or 35? You are going to look back and wonder why you are stuck in a rut, with a job, maybe a kid or two. You will feel like you never lived life, that you never DID anything. Then you'll have what's called a "mid life crisis". 

Or perhaps your husband will do this? He'll never have done anything either because he got married too young. He'll probably be looking at having an affair or two. That's how it works. 

So go out and do stuff NOW. While you are still young. Why the rush to get married and settle down? Get that law degree and get a great job someplace and LIVE a little. Don't be in such a rush to clamp that ball and chain on your ankle! Don't be in such a rush to chop 10 years off your life. Why the rush? 

Why aren't your parents TELLING you this? My daughter is a freshman in college and has had a steady boyfriend for a year. Over Christmas break she did nothing but complain about him. My advice to her was to break up with him and move on if she is so miserable with her boyfriend..and I LIKE her boyfriend.

But that's not the point, 18 is too young to be feeling such things. She's in college and needs to focus on that and having fun because once that part of your life passes, you'll never get it back. 

Same with you! You are 20 years old and just starting out..don't fast forward into the next stage of life without experiencing the stage you are in NOW! 

Go and read all the posts in this forum by those in their late 30s-40s who rushed into marriage and WISHED they'd waited and LIVED LIFE beforehand and now truly regret it. And once you have kids then you are committed and no longer free. It's bad enough being trapped in a marriage but when you throw kids in the mix it's 10x as bad. 

You can quit a job. You can quit a marriage but you can't quit kids. Don't think it can or will happen to you? Think again. EVERYONE here had the same thoughts and dreams as you do now and look at their posts, their regrets and their situation.

Don't be a fool. Hand the ring back to your boyfriend, hit the beach and the books and get your life in order and stop this silly talk of marriage. When you've been ON YOUR OWN and working in an actual job and you STILL want to be with this guy then think about it. 

But chances are you won't want to be wtih him because you do sound like you've got a lot more on the ball then he does. He sounds like an absolute child and that's his parents fault. They didn't instill the proper values in him when it comes to money and YOU will pay the price for that if you marry him. 



> Oh and sorry about your selfish, jackass of a husband. What a nightmare.


I am too, but I'm fixing that situation after 24 years. My nightmare will be your nightmare if you don't smarten up. And I waited until 26 to marry and had a business going and it still was a bad scene. There are no guarantees but don't start off with a bad situation because it will only get worse with time. 

You seem like a smart woman. Now start acting it.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Thoreau said:


> This made me lol. Her fiance is loaded. Farts through a new pair of silk underwear everyday.


Her fiancee is loaded?  I haven't followed her story but here she says he'd be broke if wasn't for his parents. That tells me he's not loaded but rather a spoiled rich kid and the LAST thing she should do is marry him. 

But going on a few vacations would be good, provided he's paying. 

You can HAVE FUN with someone like this but don't build a life with them. 

When my H got his inheritance he wouldn't give me a dime or even tell me how much he got. That said, I didn't say "no" when he paid for expensive dinners out or vacations at Lake George. I enjoyed his new boat too.

But the way he was spending the money I figured he either had millions (doubtful) or he was being a fool. Unfortunately it was the latter. I couldn't do anything about it because inheritance money isn't marital property here and he wouldn't listen to me plead and beg for him to start working and put it away so I figured, "Ok, might as well enjoy the benefits". 

So I got 2 summers hanging out on his boat and we had some good dinners and a few vacations. I personally don't think he even had a very good time pissing it away. Now it's gone and he's eating frozen pizza living off credit cards. And I'm filing for divorce. He can't even afford to do that much. 

Reality sucks, doesn't it?


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Thanks for listening to it. Now read on:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I just got whiplash from that smack in the face you gave me.



No worries, I appreciate it. My parents spoil me financially but they were never ones to sugar coat things. I learn best that way. 

You're totally right.

Way too young to get married.

I wanted to wait till 28, but he wants to be a senator by 35 and insists on the wife and three kids thing by 30 at the latest and I can't have 3 kids in two years....so....eh. 

As for the bills, I do pay them now- well...daddy pays for the rent....but I pay the other stuff. And I bought my books.

I will be paying taxes this year for the first time because I'm working now (well...modeling....taking pretty pictures for a few hundred bucks). 

When I get my inheritance, I plan on putting it into a separate trust. That is going to be growth money and emergency money. Not "I want a new car money." 

As for being single and having fun, I've been with this guy off and on since kindergarden (literally) and I'm not much interested in fun.

If he has an affair, I'll kill him because most of this is HIS idea. He wanted to move in together. Probably because it's very convenient to have someone cook, clean, do laundry and half his homework on the days when he was too busy with his X Box.

He has a lot of good qualities and he's so young, don't men get better with age?


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Her fiancee is loaded?  I haven't followed her story but here she says he'd be broke if wasn't for his parents. That tells me he's not loaded but rather a spoiled rich kid and the LAST thing she should do is marry him.
> 
> But going on a few vacations would be good, provided he's paying.
> 
> ...




I.

Am.

NEVER

Getting

Married

Find me a nunnery. Now.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> He has a lot of good qualities and he's so young, don't men get better with age?


My suggestion would be to not marry him until he has reached a level of maturity that you can live with.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> You're totally right.
> 
> Way too young to get married.
> 
> I wanted to wait till 28, but he wants to be a senator by 35 and insists on the wife and three kids thing by 30 at the latest and I can't have 3 kids in two years....so....eh.


:banghead: :slap: 

Are you fu*ckin serious? Do you realize how STUPID this sounds? Here's another smack.. :slap:

AGAIN, with playing "house". He's just wanting to play "White House". This isn't a reality show..this is LIFE. Tell him to grow a pair and grow UP and YOU do WHAT you want and need to do. Cut him loose already. 

Have you ever seen the movie "Legally Blonde"? If not, PLEASE watch it! It REALLY fits here and it starts out kinda goofy but it's very good and ends well. That's my homework assignment to YOU. 



> As for the bills, I do pay them now- well...daddy pays for the rent....but I pay the other stuff. And I bought my books.
> 
> I will be paying taxes this year for the first time because I'm working now (well...modeling....taking pretty pictures for a few hundred bucks).


That's a good start. When daddy stops paying the rent and you are supporting yourself completely for a few years on your own then you can think about grown up stuff like marriage and all that and hopefuly you'll get past that nonsense for now. Until that happens, you are still in school and play acting. 



> When I get my inheritance, I plan on putting it into a separate trust. That is going to be growth money and emergency money. Not "I want a new car money."


That's good but whomever is giving you this inheritance shouldn't be giving it to you anytime soon. If you are smart you'll tell Grandmama to put it in a trust until you are at least 30. Save you from yourself and that idiot boyfriend of yours who thinks he's going to be the next Jack Kennedy or something. 



> As for being single and having fun, I've been with this guy off and on since kindergarden (literally) and I'm not much interested in fun.


Oh..THAT'S a smart attitude. NOT. Being with with the SAME guy since you were 5 is really convincing me that you are doing the right thing. Recipe for disaster, that's what it is!

Why not date some real men and see how your boy toy compares? Not too well I'll bet. You have absolutely NOTHING to compare him to. You know NOTHING about anything and are ready to throw your life away. Amazing..



> If he has an affair, I'll kill him because most of this is HIS idea. He wanted to move in together. Probably because it's very convenient to have someone cook, clean, do laundry and half his homework on the days when he was too busy with his X Box.


:rofl: :lol: And your STUPID enough to sign on to that? Oh yes, please honey, make me be your sex slave and your maid and pay all the bills so that you can have more time to play Halo IV and Call of Duty: Black Ops. 

This guy's got his priorities straight. He and my 15 year old son would get along GREAT, except that my son would call him a noob and tell him to play on a real machine, like a gaming PC. He thinks consoles are for noobs and wanna-bes. 

Oh yeah...You are doing great having yourself at high school love affair. Too bad you are one year away from being a legal adult and you are looking at a WORLD OF SH*T if you marry this dork. 

Have I done a good job of communicating my absolute disgust and disbelief over your thought process and priorities? I'm just SO glad you aren't my daughter. Maybe you'd like to meet her. She'd set you straight. She'd also be laughing her as*s off at you. 



> He has a lot of good qualities and he's so young, don't men get better with age?


*NO THEY DO NOT!!*. They get WORSE. Like cheap wine that turns to vinegar. They go from being cute boy toys who play games on their console to being fat, lazy, balding a-holes who have affairs, and spend their weekends drinking and watching football with their buddies. He'll come home and expect you to lay in bed with your legs open and get his jollies off. Then he'll roll over and go to sleep.He'll do a great job of ignoring you while he goes about the very important business of wrecking you and your kids lives.

Don't you READ the other posts on this forum? If you don't then I suggest you START DOING SO because that will be YOUR future if you don't WISE UP. 

20 years from now when you've lost that girlish modeling figure and have two snot nosed kids running around he will find some girl 20 years younger than you and step out on you. Then YOU will be miserable and look back on your miserable, lonely life and wonder where it all went wrong. 

So it's time to get out on your own and start LIVING your life and stop pretending you are in an episode of "The Brady Bunch" . Start meeting and dating REAL men and stop talking stupid stalk. 

It will go wrong starting NOW if you go and do these asinine things you are talking about.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> My suggestion would be to not marry him until he has reached a level of maturity that you can live with.


As a guy, I can't express enough how much I agree with this. Yes, he will likely change as he gets older. The real question is whether he changes for better or worse. You've got a 50/50 chance on that... 

As far as why he wanted you to move in... Why did you want to move in with him? And honestly, I think the two of you are too young and immature to be considering marriage. But I really do hope it works out for you.

C


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :banghead: :slap:
> 
> Are you fu*ckin serious? Do you realize how STUPID this sounds? Here's another smack.. :slap:
> 
> ...




Um.....I....I do assure you I'm not a total dolt...

Ironically, I *am* Legally Blonde. I even go to her law school! 

I'm a lot like that character. People look at me and assume I'm an idiot but I'm actually really smart, if a bit naive. 

My fiancé is sort of like Warner....oh God....you're right....

But he's not "playing" White House since he's practically from the Republican equivalent of the Kennedy clan. 

I have no interest in being broke.

Financial dependence= bad idea. 

Geez.....maybe you should've been my mother.

My mother likes my fiancé (well, not him...but she likes his money and his social standing)....but she's not naive. She advised me to be prepared for getting dumped on my ass.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> Um.....I....I do assure you I'm not a total dolt...
> 
> Ironically, I *am* Legally Blonde. I even go to her law school!
> 
> ...


Your mother should be telling YOU to dump his a*ss. She isn't looking out for you AT ALL. Some mother she is. If you were my daugther you'd be singing a different tune than the one you are singing here.  My daughter is very independent and plans to study abroad, travel and live life to the fullest and have fun.

To her, life is an opportunity, a thing that has limitless options and she is by NO means ready to settle down with anyone or anywhere. She hasn't even declared a major yet and IMO that's a good thing. You should always keep your options open. Don't close yourself down to anything before you have to. 

She's dated seriously but she knows when it's time to part ways. She's all about experiencing life to the fullest, not just counting down the days to slipping on a wedding band and calling it quits. 

But it didn't happen by accident. I instilled that in her not only by talking to and demanding of her but by being a role model as well. I'm wondering what your parents have done for you. Your mother likes your boyfriend due to his wealth and social standing. Great parenting there Mom! Not. :slap:

My daughter has been dating her current boyfriend for a year. He's a great guy and I like him very much. But if she started talking marriage I'd slap her silly. She's 18 and doesn't want to settle for him or anyone else right now. She knows the score and what life has to offer. She's talked about breaking it off from him not because of him but because of the way SHE feels about restricting herself to one person so soon in life. If her boyfriend acted like your boyfriend she'd laugh right in his face. 

And he's a lot more mature than your boyfriend. He works hard at school and has a job. His parents aren't poor by any means but he's expected to pull his own weight. That's what good parenting IS. You are there for your kids but you have to push them along for them to realize their full potential.

Otherwise they turn into immature boy toys who assume they will be senator one day because daddy is in the right country club. They look for a hot young Harvard law student to marry so they can sit and play X-box all day. 

Your boyfriend's family hasn't done much good by him and if he was part of the Kennedy clan he'd be in a much better position. The Kennedy's were all about NOT being self centered and were all about beign selfless and serving your country. Your boyfriend doesn't strike me as that way at all. He seems very immature and demanding of you and you seem willing to be his doormat

You are a HARVARD law student and you desire to throw that away marrying a mere child? You are smart, but aren't acting or thinking smart. 

Maybe you are "legally blonde" but you are the blonde at the beginning of the movie..not the end. You need to watch and absorb the moral of that movie. There's an important lesson there that you need to absorb and hopefully emulate. Remember the ending? What if she HAD married the man she originally had wanted? Hmmmm.....

And the man she wound up with? Didn't he strike you as being a REAL MAN, a man that was worthy of HER? 

You need to find someone who is worthy of YOU. You need to start putting yourself on a pedestal because the guy you are seeing sure isn't doing it. 

I mean, come on..3 kids by 30 so he can be a senator at 35? It's all about HIM, isnt it? What is that Harvard Law Degree going to do for you? Make for some fancy wallpaper? Why even bother if you are going to throw your life away like that? 

Good luck and go have FUN and then graduate with that law degree and kick some butt..and kick that boyfriend's butt right out of your life. You can do a lot better.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In most, if not all states, inheritance is separate property whether you inherited it before or after marriage.

The best way to protect the inheritance is to put it in an account, under your name only that is only for that money. Never, ever deposit money from any other source into that account. This way you have a clean audit trail as to where the money came from and where it went.

Additionally if you invest any of the money from the inheritance, pay for the investment only with money from the inheritance. Do not use mixed money to make investments. Make the investments in your name only. Again the goal is a very clean audit trail.

The minute you put your husband’s name on an account holding your inheritance money, it becomes community property. If you put someone other than a husband’s name on the account it’s at least 50% their money and depending how the account is set up they would have the right to remove all of the money and do anything they choose with it.

If you buy a home with strictly your inheritance before or after marriage, and you put the home in your name only, it’s your separate property. Here you have a very clear audit trail.

Let’s say that you live in this home with a boyfriend and he pays half the mortgage payment. You still have 100% ownership of the home because you are not married to him (unless your state honors ideas like palimony).

Now let’s say you own this home and you are married. You and your husband use community income to pay for the mortgage payments. Community income is usually everything you earn from your jobs, joint investments, and joint property during marriage. So now you have converted the home from your sole property to community property and your husband now has a right to 50% of the equity. You have just gifted him half of the inheritance you put into the home. In this case there is a small chance, if you have a very good attorney that since there is a clean audit trail from your inheritance account to the purchase of the home that you might be able to get credit for your initial investment in the home as separate property. But you would have to be very careful on how you did this. 

Even if you buy the home outright and no community income goes into the purchase of the home, eventually community income might go into maintenance, etc. So you still can have a conversion of the home to community property. Maybe the fix here is to always pay for the maintenance out of your inheritance.

One thing you could do with a prenup is to get an agreement that your equity in the home at the time of marriage is your sole property. And then that the two of you share 50/50 any equity growth that occurs after marriage. 

As you can see this gets very complicated very quickly. You need to see an attorney who specializes in this area of law. Planning for it even before you get the inheritance would be wise so that when you get the $$ you do the right thing with it from day one.

You say that both of you are well off. Why are you going to use your inheritance to buy a home that will be your marital home? I am not sure this is wise. Having each of you put down an equal amount is really the wisest way to do it in marriage. That way you both have an investment in the home. Even if you have to start out with a smaller home I think that this would create a much more balanced marriage. As much as people hate to admit it power struggles happen all the time in marriages and money is often the basis of these power struggles.

Today, where both spouses have equal rights and their own separate money from prior earnings and inheritance before marriage, prenups are very common. I would not be surprised if your bf asks you for one if he is coming into a lot of $$. You should think very carefully about protecting your inheritance even though you love and trust your bf. I know and have heard of so many people whose spouses wiped out their entire inheritance (of millions) or walked away with a huge hunk of it in divorce.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> In most, if not all states, inheritance is separate property whether you inherited it before or after marriage.
> 
> The best way to protect the inheritance is to put it in an account, under your name only, that is only for that money. Never, ever deposit money from any other source into that account. This way you have a clean audit trail as to where the money came from and where it went.
> 
> ...


:allhail:

You're brilliant.

Thank you for this.

To answer your question, I was going to use that money to get us a bigger place. 

We currently live in an apartment that my father pays for (my dad never intended for there to be two people living here, it was just supposed to be mine) He has his own apartment paid for by his parents, where he goes when he fight or what not. 

But mostly we live at my place because it's slightly nicer, there is literally nothing but a bed and a few chairs at his place (most of his stuff is at my place.) 

So I was going to use that inheritance to get us a house next year. I was planning on investing the rest of it in a savings account/emergency fund in my name only.

Or at least part of it.

I'm really not ready for all of this money.

Oh and fiancé hates the idea of a pre-nup...but his parents are all over his ass about making sure we get one. He has ungodly amounts of money dating back a really long time.

I really don't want it. Even if we did (knock on wood) divorce later, I wouldn't want that. It's HIS money. 

Why would anyone be so vindictive?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What % of your inheritance do you expect to use as a down payment on the house? 

Will the monthly payments come out of your earned income or out of the inheritance?


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> What % of your inheritance do you expect to use as a down payment on the house?
> 
> Will the monthly payments come out of your earned income or out of the inheritance?


There is a beautiful 3 bedroom downtown on the water, it's about 500,000 dollars which is about my budget for a starter home. 

That's probably 20% of my inheritance. My late grandfather was part of an old feudal family and he was notoriously cheap, he never spent more than he had to so he amassed quite a bit. Add into that my grandmother's family money (she's even cheaper, if that's possible...they literally lived in a 2 bedroom house and never touched the majority of the money they collected) and I'm in a very good position to be so young.

That being said, I never intended to live off of it. I want to live of our joint incomes.

BUT there's no way I'll be able to afford the mortgage or bills on that place straight out....the goal is after a year, to be no longer using the inheritance money.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> Oh and fiancé hates the idea of a pre-nup...but his parents are all over his ass about making sure we get one. He has ungodly amounts of money dating back a really long time.
> 
> I really don't want it. Even if we did (knock on wood) divorce later, I wouldn't want that. It's HIS money.
> 
> Why would anyone be so vindictive?


His parents aren't stupid. You should take a clue from them. They know how vindicative people can get because they are probably capable of it. They are protecting themselves and their son and assuming the worst..Because they live in the real world. You should join them. 

Shame, you got a lot going for you and you still have these childish romantic ideas.  Hopefully that will change sooner than later. 

At least do what Ele advised and keep whatever money YOU have YOURS. DO NOT SHARE IT. 

You can be sure that this supposed fiancee of yours sure as heck won't. Mommy and Daddy won't let him. Don't be fooled. 

I am curious..if you are 20 how is it that you are already in law school. Last time I checked you needed a four year degree to get in law school and that means you already should've attended undergrad...20 seems too young to be already graduated. :scratchhead:


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> His parents aren't stupid. You should take a clue from them. They know how vindicative people can get because they are probably capable of it. They are protecting themselves and their son and assuming the worst..Because they live in the real world. You should join them.
> 
> Shame, you got a lot going for you and you still have these childish romantic ideas.  Hopefully that will change sooner than later.
> 
> ...


I am more than happy to explain this ma'am.

I never had a summer off- starting from 11. I finished everything way sooner than I should have. I started college classes in middle school, got high school class credit and graduated at 15 going on 16.

I graduated college at 18 and went straight to law school. I was able to do this because by the time I entered college I was halfway done, credit wise. 

Many things I am but stupid isn't one thank God or I'd really be in trouble.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> There is a beautiful 3 bedroom downtown on the water, it's about 500,000 dollars which is about my budget for a starter home.
> 
> That's probably 20% of my inheritance. My late grandfather was part of an old feudal family and he was notoriously cheap, he never spent more than he had to so he amassed quite a bit. Add into that my grandmother's family money (she's even cheaper, if that's possible...they literally lived in a 2 bedroom house and never touched the majority of the money they collected) and I'm in a very good position to be so young.
> 
> ...


I suggest you read the book "The Millionaire Next Door". For someone like you who is inheriting some wealth I think it has a message that you need to hear.

After that read "The Automatic Millionaire". There is another book, "Smart Couples Finish Rich" that is the same basic concepts but for couples. Yes I know you will have money and he will be filthy rich. But there is a reason that your grandparents have a lot of money.. most people blow though their very large inheritances far too quickly.


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## johndivney (Jan 27, 2013)

I would suggest putting ALL the money in a house, decide how much your mortgage payment will be based on what you can both afford, the money will either get you a modest house and a low payment so you can enjoy having spending money, or you will have a very nice house and a big payment that you will both have to work hard to maintain and keep.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> I never had a summer off- starting from 11. I finished everything way sooner than I should have. I started college classes in middle school, got high school class credit and graduated at 15 going on 16.
> 
> I graduated college at 18 and went straight to law school. I was able to do this because by the time I entered college I was halfway done, credit wise.
> 
> Many things I am but stupid isn't one thank God or I'd really be in trouble.


Wow..quite the opposite. You sound like an incredibly motivated and hard working young woman. :smthumbup: Your parent have a lot to be proud of!

Please don't sell yourself short. Go out and experience life before settling down. Finish law school, live and work on your own. Be your own women before becoming an appendage to someone else. You are too gifted, intelligent and able to be home having babies at 22 years old. 

Please do this, for yourself. You've worked too hard and have too much on the ball not to. 

Keep that money where it is until you are 30. Get settled, grow, mature some and find yourself before touching it. PLEASE do this. You are too smart not to and you owe it to yourself. 

I say this because I'm really impressed with you. 

And I'm not easily impressed.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Wow..quite the opposite. You sound like an incredibly motivated and hard working young woman. :smthumbup: Your parent have a lot to be proud of!
> 
> Please don't sell yourself short. Go out and experience life before settling down. Finish law school, live and work on your own. Be your own women before becoming an appendage to someone else. You are too gifted, intelligent and able to be home having babies at 22 years old.
> 
> ...


My dad told me if he'd spent all this money on me just for me to end up on my back popping out kids he'd be pretty pissed off.



Thank you Mama Bear. You are indeed very wise and I shall think hard on your advice.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

johndivney said:


> I would suggest putting ALL the money in a house, decide how much your mortgage payment will be based on what you can both afford, the money will either get you a modest house and a low payment so you can enjoy having spending money, or you will have a very nice house and a big payment that you will both have to work hard to maintain and keep.


A house is not the investment it used to be. I would NOT put ALL your money into anything, especially a house. Speak with a good financial advisor and work up a safe and solid investment plan. A house could be part of it but not ALL of it. 

Many people have gotten burned recently pouring all their investments into a house. 

Do your homework on this one. I still think you should put ALL of it in a long term safe investment and sit on it awhile.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LittleBird said:


> My dad told me if he'd spent all this money on me just for me to end up on my back popping out kids he'd be pretty pissed off..


:iagree:I agree with him. I'm big on having people pay for their own college for this reason. Because it's then YOUR investment and you will treasure it more than if someone else pays for it. 

My daughter is keenly aware of this and can't understand why others blow off their classes at college. My answer is "Because they aren't paying for it." Even if I HAD the money to put her through school I would STILL have her pay for it. I think it's an important life lesson to actually put yourself through college, to buy your own car and support yourself. It build character and gives you life skills. 

She pays for every credit herself and her education is a precious commodity and an invesment in her future so she never misses classes..ever. And she's determined not to waste her education either by majoring in something that won't be able to earn her a living. She spoke once about sociology and I told her to stick that degree in the trash can because she'll be working for me with it.

Now she's looking at business administration and hotel and restaurant managment. She's taken a course in bartending and has been waitressing for 3 years. She loves the food service industry and wants to be able to travel and work in different places. 

Keep in mind what I've said. You got a long road ahead of you. Don't take any shortcuts. Enjoy the ride.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree:I agree with him. I'm big on having people pay for their own college for this reason. Because it's then YOUR investment and you will treasure it more than if someone else pays for it.
> 
> My daughter is keenly aware of this and can't understand why others blow off their classes at college. My answer is "Because they aren't paying for it." Even if I HAD the money to put her through school I would STILL have her pay for it. I think it's an important life lesson to actually put yourself through college, to buy your own car and support yourself. It build character and gives you life skills.
> 
> ...


If you have the time, please go read my thread entitled "Attachment Disorder."

And then please come adopt me.

:biggrinangelA:


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

If you're already planning to buy his education and the house you two will live in, you're already giving him half the money. If you're looking to 'shelter' it until then, a pre-nup stating that all inheritances and retirement plans are each your own. Shouldn't be hard to convince as your family is leaving the money for you, and even though they may also love him, it is a gift for YOU.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Hi Littlebird,

Here in Massachusetts an inheritance, whrther before or during the marriage, is considered marital property subject to divorce proceedings. This doesn't mean itgets divided equally, but some of it can be allocated to your husband.

In fact, divorce settlements/alimony can be affected even if you are scheduled, but not yet have received, an inheritance.

As others said, best that you wait things out until you are absolutely sure he's the right guy for you.

BTW - $500K for a house downtown on the water? I work down here and that's a steal! Just look for a lot of water in the basement


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

Keep the amount of money you inherit a secret. Don't disclose the full amount. If you ever get married to him, get a prenuptial agreement. You seem like a smart woman. You must protect what is yours. I am not saying your partner is a bad person, but you never know what his real intentions are, as you can see from people on this website on other forums. Get a good financial planner. Tie the money up in investments in your name, and your name alone.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

ItsGonnabeAlright said:


> Keep the amount of money you inherit a secret. Don't disclose the full amount. If you ever get married to him, get a prenuptial agreement. You seem like a smart woman. You must protect what is yours. I am not saying your partner is a bad person, but you never know what his real intentions are, as you can see from people on this website on other forums. Get a good financial planner. Tie the money up in investments in your name, and your name alone.


He knows I am in the will but he doesn't know for how much


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