# Attention Addiction?



## aprilshowers82

Hi there,

I'm new to the forum; browsed around for years though. H and I have two young children and have been together about 12 years(married 7). Our relationship has never been ideal in anyway, lot's of verbal and emotional abuse(from him) for the first 5 or so years, and then from me for a couple of years following that. I've always suggested counseling, and he will commit for one or two sessions claiming that he likes the counselor, and then will suddenly stop, for any number of reasons(too expensive, doesn't like counselor,etc..) 

Nonetheless, the past year has been pretty bright between us, the brightest ever actually, and I thought we were doing OK. He finally consented to reading some self-help books with me, and we went through a good handful last Summer regarding boundaries and affairs and fighting fair. We made some agreements and I really thought had climbed a real mountain together, holding hands.

One of the agreements was that we would not talk to our opposite gendered FB friends in private without the other's knowledge. The year prior a girl who he grew up with and called his god-sister made contact and they literally talked on the phone and emailed every single day nearly. I thought nothing much of it until she sent me a FB message telling me to "tell my man that she is busy and doesn't have time to talk to him". This was a few weeks after we announced we were pregnant again. Go figure. Prior to that, this woman and I were on our way to becoming great friends, but I have heard nothing from her since then. My husband was also talking to another friend of his telling her that his marriage was not doing well. She told him that she was sorry, and that she didn't have a boyfriend, but wouldn't object-and then she sent him a wink. Needless to say, I was not pleased, hence the books on boundaries.

Well, this week, I find that my husband has reached out again on FB to this "god sister" of his. Nothing below board, but still, he didn't tell me about it. His reaction as that the agreement we made last year wasn't fair to him. That I am controlling for wanting to know what he and other women talk about, and that we should just delete our entire FB accounts. I'm not sure what else to do. Divorce is all that I can really think of because I just can't trust this man. 

My husband also finds it incredibly easy to friend women in our neighborhood. He will knock on their doors when their husbands aren't home and talk to them without me around. I get really uneasy around women my husband has befriended before they've befriended me because they seem to treat me in a way as though they believe I mistreat him. I let him know that I'd prefer he keep his neighborhood female contacts light and airy, and not discuss me at all unless it's positive.

So I'd like to know if anyone believes that this idea of "transparency" ever too much? Am I digging my own grave here?


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## 3Xnocharm

I think this is something that you are not going to win.  I had a bf that kept constantly contacting an ex gf that I specifically made it known that I had a problem with. It never stopped, we broke up. If you have gone through all this work, and it has continued, I see little hope that he will change. You are not being controlling, in my opinion.


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