# She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..



## Blader (Dec 24, 2012)

Ik you heard it before but I have to talk about it.. My wife of a little over a year hurt me. First how she told me; a friend of hers was over for a few and it seemed fine but when she left my wife started heavily crying and couldn't say anything.. Then she told me. A few weeks ago after work she went to her bosses house for a girls night ( which Ik very well, I work for them too) another guy showed up. They all hung out and my wife was going to stay the night cause she had a few drinks. Her boss tells them both to stay upstairs. So they were talking and he ended up kissing her. She said they couldn't do that and then they ended up sleeping at opposite ends of the bed. It was hard but I was able to get past this.. Then she says there's more. a few days ago she was going to go to her bosses again but it got canceled.. She pretended it wasn't. The guy who works with her too asked if she wanted to go to his house to play a video game for a while. She did and he kissed her again.. She kissed back. Only this time a real "make out kiss" I'm afraid to ask how many.. But she then panicked and ran out and stayed the night at work.. 

This hurt so much but I forgave her.. And I can't stop thinking about them holding each others like we do.. The hole in my heart feels like it can't be filled. I'm going to move on. I want to. I love her. But how to I forget this and go back to normal? We got married young about 14 months ago. I feel like she was going threw a time full of what if questions and had to seek answers. This happens Ik that.. How can I fill this hole and go back to normal?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

*Re: She kissed*

please edit your post so we can see your problem.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Who the hell stops at kissing when they're alone? Anyone who believes that is naive at best.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

blader,if you think they slept at oppisite sides of the bed, especially when drinking ,i got a bridge to sell you...then she lies(again) about the party being canceled and cheats again....dude she's so wide open about her cheating it's unreal.


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## Blader (Dec 24, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blader said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is possible that she only kissed him. Deep intimate kissing. OK. But what about the next time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Her boss told them to sleep in the same bed and she was okay with that?
She was so okay that she went to his house a few days later to "play games" and make out with him. 

Don't y'all have PHONES?

If you buy this story of hers you're going to be living a life of regret for the next two or thre years - your marriage is shutting down.

She has to tell you the whole ugly truth. Her boss DID NOT tell them to sleep in the same bed!

She has to quit her job and not have ANY contact with anyone who was there that night ever again.


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## Blader (Dec 24, 2012)

I had to work at it to get it out of her.. I believe her. Sex has always been a very close kept thing with her and she would just give that out. We were together over a year before was even thought about.. When she told me I could hardly understand her and I could see how hard it was for her to tell me. I told her she has to promise me that she will love me until the end and that she will always come home to me and that she will be faithful. I was hoping to come here and find some help but I think this will make it worse.. This is my wife and my best friend.. Be gentle please. I'm praying that she told me everything because I want to love her..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

They had sex..Unless kissing is another euphemism for sex, they had sex. The faster you realize this the better for you..Adults don't stop at kissing especially when they planned the meetup secretly. Are you that naive ?

Let me tell you what will happen. Push for the truth. Then she will confess that they had oral but absolutely no sex. Then keep pushing and after a few days she will tell you they had sex, once but she pushed away after a few seconds..By this time, you will pissed off and find evidence on your own and realize they had been having sex regularly..


Your situation is the most common type in this type. The less denial you are in, the faster you will recover.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Balder, how old are you two?


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Blader said:


> I had to work at it to get it out of her.. I believe her.


Blader, I'm going to be as gentle as I can be - those rose-colored glasses you're wearing have got to go. 

That business with sleeping at opposite ends of the bed? Hoooeee. I'd have to reeeally want to believe someone to buy that one. But let's consider it for a moment: okay, maybe they were both completely trashed and passed out before they could 'seal the deal'. Maybe. Which doesn't make her less guilty, you understand. The desire was there, but the body couldn't make it happen.

But the deal where she meets the guy, gets cold feet and STAYS OVERNIGHT AT WORK??? NO WAY. It didn't happen. No woman runs to WORK and stays overnight after protecting her virtue. They would go home to their husband. 

I would demand a polygraph if I were you. I'll bet you'd get a very different story than the one she's fed you so far.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Blader said:


> This is my wife and my best friend..


Can you describe what a wife and best friend would do in this situation? Continue fvcking everyone in her office or find a new job and fix herself?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

committedwife said:


> I would demand a polygraph if I were you. I'll bet you'd get a very different story than the one she's fed you so far.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

This post makes me sad. He loves her so much that he is ignoring what his brain is telling really happened. He came here hoping we would tell him that it is possible that she did not have sex with the other man the 2 nights that she spent with him and did not come home. We all know that eventually he will acknowledge the obvious truth, but that because he does not want to accept what he knows to be true, it will be a long and painful process. With no children and only married a short time, accepting the reality of her cheating on him would require him to also acknowledge that staying in the marraige may not be the best thing for him to do. 

I can feel his hurt in his words. He did nothing wrong. He is a good person. Why is this happening to him he is asking himself. The world is just not fair sometimes. I wish him well. I am sorry that he has to be here. Very, very, sad.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Balder, how old are you two?


You say you've been married less than a year? Any kids? 

You might want to consider ending this marriage. The ink is barely dry on your marriage license and she's pulling this on you? 

If you truly want to save the marriage, you need to set the recovery bar HIGH. Tell your WW what it will take to keep you in the marriage. At minimum, I would suggest:

- She shares all passwords
- NO Facebook
- Take - and PASS - a polygraph
- Quit the job. And none of this "Okay, I'll look for another job" business. QUIT IMMEDIATELY.
- Her cellphone is to be given to you on your request. You keep the phone records. 
- No more parties or other social outings without you. 

Sounds like you've got a serial cheater in the makings, though. I'd cut my losses and end the marriage if I were you. Find a woman who truly understands the meaning of "faithful".


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Married for just a year. DUMP HER.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Blader said:


> So they were talking and he ended up kissing her. She said they couldn't do that and then they ended up sleeping at opposite ends of the bed.


If she actually had this moment of morality then she would have also realized that there was a danger in being around this person....so she wouldn't have then went to his home where it would be just the two of them. It is so past obvious she slept with him I don't know how you possibly believe her.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Dude, she cheated and in the first year of the M when you should still be in the honeymoon stage.

Your M is over, I know you don’t want to hear that and it’s NOT your fault, your W is simply not ready for a long term commitment and this is how she is reacting to it. If you try to work it out she WILL cheat again, it’s just a matter of time. 

She has only been married to you for a year and yet desires other men and has even acted on it. She is not marriage material and you can't fix her.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Are you OK with her over night stays away from home?

I do not believe that she got drunk and slept in the same bed and nothing happened but a couple of kisses. Then she lies about where she is going on another night and ends up at his house.

She has no boundaries and will eventually cross the line to a full sexual affair if she has not already done so. 

You have to define some boundaries. Like no drinking without you. No over night stays away from home. No parties at the bosses house that you do not attend.

Or get out now if she thinks the way she is behaving is OK in a marriage.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

committedwife said:


> Blader, I'm going to be as gentle as I can be - those rose-colored glasses you're wearing have got to go.
> 
> That business with sleeping at opposite ends of the bed? Hoooeee. I'd have to reeeally want to believe someone to buy that one. But let's consider it for a moment: okay, maybe they were both completely trashed and passed out before they could 'seal the deal'. Maybe. *Which doesn't make her less guilty, you understand. The desire was there, but the body couldn't make it happen.*
> 
> ...


This.



Soifon said:


> If she actually had this moment of morality then she would have also realized that there was a danger in being around this person....so she wouldn't have then went to his home where it would be just the two of them. It is so past obvious she slept with him I don't know how you possibly believe her.


And this.

I know this is hard to belive, but there are a LOT of facinating men out there who aren't you...and your wife seems curious. I know...how could she not see how wonderful you are?

But it happens. So going into deep denial is not your friend.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Look the bottom line is your wife had an inappropriate encounter with another man while drunk and even slept in the same bed. He kissed her and she evidently did not push him away or tell him "No way, I'm married". She stayed the night with him. She sent him a message that she is open to his advances, just not ready to take it further.

Then this same man invites her over to his house for "video games". He asked her out on a date and she accepted and lied to you about where she was going. Message? She is open to his advances. She planned to stay the night with him at his house and chickened out (or so she says).

You are rationalizing excuses for her behavior. I know you don't want to believe she will not have sex with him (probably already has). But even without the sex, she has still gotten physical with another man. You hope she is confused and will snap out of it. That is a long shot.

When a woman will cheat on her husband in the first few years of marriage odds are she will not hesitate to do so latter in the marriage. 

It is not worth the chance. Divorce.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Get rid of her. She is lying to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

AT LEAST ask her what they talked about in bed. They didn't just kiss "good night".

Chances are they talked about "what if". She probably complained about things you do/don't do. This is why he felt comforable asking for the date and why she felt comfortable telling you a lie about going out with friends. I even doubt there was a party that got cancelled. 

Ask a lot of questions. 

You come across as a gentle, well mannered young man. She sees that in you. 
But HIM? He's a "stud" in her eyes. Someone who takes what he wants. That makes a lot of women curious and more than a little hot. 

It isn't your fault. She is who she is.


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## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

Personally. I would walk away, and make it meaningful.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I think the chances you're getting anywhere near the real truth is nil. I think she wants to confess and is gauging how you accept the 'kissing' lies. 

I think it's time to sit her down and tell her that you either get the whole truth, right now, or she leaves. If she hems and haws, show her the door. I realize how painful that can be, but for you to allow her to lie like this vindicates her and this will happen again. And again. And again until you finally have enough of it.

Or, you can continue to believe what appears to be an obvious lie.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If you want to stay with her she has to go for a polygraph test though I don't know why you would.


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## Vaya Con Dios (Aug 20, 2012)

MysticMouse said:


> Personally. I would walk away, and make it meaningful.


Yeah me too...I'd go round to his house and show him what 'meaningful' actually is ...then dump her ass.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Betrayed spouse fog. 

Ah well, he has to think there was no sex because if there was he wouldn't be able it sweep it under the rug as easily. 

Hes actually buying the load of crap she sold him, his marriage is doomed.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If you feel that you "must" be married, cancel your contract with her and see if you can find a woman who will be more worried about keeping YOU than you having to trust her doing the right thing when you aren't around.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I'm going to offer up a different suggestion than dump her.

Here's what I suggest. Get your marriage annulled. That's right, end the marriage. But don't dump her. Tell her after you and she are no longer officially married she needs to write out every detail of what happened. Tell her all of it will be confirmed by a polygraph test so she had better make sure its all true. Then if she passes the polygraph test you will wait a year to make sure she is well and truly devoted to you. Then and only then will you remarry her. If what she has told you is the truth she will have no reason to balk at any of this because the end result is you and she will still be married. But if she is trickle truthing you or outright lying to you then she will not agree to this and you will have your answer.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Blader said:


> My wife of a little over a year hurt me. First how she told me; a friend of hers was over for a few and it seemed fine but when she left my wife started heavily crying and couldn't say anything..
> 
> Hmmmm. Wonder what caused her to cry? I mean what did her friend tell her that would make her cry? Was she told to come clean with you? Or was she advised to use a cover story?
> 
> ...


Both of you need to quit working there for one. She needs to go full NC with all of them.

But if I were you I would literally move on. I would find another job and work on myself.

You do not want normal. You need better.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Blader said:


> I had to work at it to get it out of her.. I believe her. Sex has always been a very close kept thing with her and she would just give that out. We were together over a year before was even thought about.. When she told me I could hardly understand her and I could see how hard it was for her to tell me. I told her she has to promise me that she will love me until the end and that she will always come home to me and that she will be faithful. I was hoping to come here and find some help but I think this will make it worse.. This is my wife and my best friend.. Be gentle please. I'm praying that she told me everything because I want to love her..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blader, this is your last post. You've heard plenty of good advice and haven't responded. 

What are your thoughts?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I must admit, even before reading Entropy's post I wondered if the boss was a man.

And that there was something else going on.

And that the 'friend' told her to confess or she would out her. Maybe she was the girlfriend of the OM.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

I think you should dump her ass until she comes running back begging for forgiveness, and if she doesn't, consider yourself a Very Lucky Man to get out so early & before you've had kids.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> I must admit, even before reading Entropy's post I wondered if the boss was a man.
> 
> And that there was something else going on.
> 
> And that the 'friend' told her to confess or she would out her. Maybe she was the girlfriend of the OM.


And I am fully prepared to find out the boss is married and he and his wife invited these folks over. 

But he went out of his way to call this a girls night ... 

So again what boss sends his male and female employees into a bedroom?

I would be afraid of getting my head blown off by the husband.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> And I am fully prepared to find out the boss is married and he and his wife invited these folks over.
> 
> But he went out of his way to call this a girls night ...
> 
> ...


Unlikely given some of the dithering by some I see here.

But I think I know where you are on this.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I smell a fishy fish here.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Blader she isn't your best friend. Best friends always have your back. She had sex with another man.

This after a year marriage? she couldn't stay faithful for a full 365 days? 

Divorce, move on ,and upgrade to someone who's comittments and vows actually mean something to them.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

committedwife said:


> Blader, this is your last post. You've heard plenty of good advice and haven't responded.
> 
> What are your thoughts?


The virtual sledgehammer he just got to his head, probably sent him into a denial coma.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

committedwife said:


> Blader, I'm going to be as gentle as I can be - those rose-colored glasses you're wearing have got to go.
> 
> That business with sleeping at opposite ends of the bed? Hoooeee. I'd have to reeeally want to believe someone to buy that one. But let's consider it for a moment: okay, maybe they were both completely trashed and passed out before they could 'seal the deal'. Maybe. Which doesn't make her less guilty, you understand. The desire was there, but the body couldn't make it happen.
> 
> ...


Now, hang on. Due to a mess up with bookings when I was single, I ended up sharing a bed with a woman who I was very sexually attracted to. But because she was married and because I felt honoured that she trusted me, I did not make a move on her. So it can happen.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> So it can happen.


Sure, it _can_ happen, but would you bet the marital farm on it?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Now, hang on. Due to a mess up with bookings when I was single, I ended up sharing a bed with a woman who I was very sexually attracted to. But because she was married and because I felt honoured that she trusted me, I did not make a move on her. So it can happen.


If it happened to me, they would all have thought they were in a whirlwind. Wife divorced, company sued, you hurt.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What was the reason she cried when the friend left? It was because she was told the cat was out of the bag, or the OM was done with her. Either people have been talking about her affair and she was being warned you were going to find out, or she was given a message that the other guy didn't want her anymore.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, you got a lot of good advice and analysis so far. I skimmed, so I may be repeating what others have said...but if your wife got so drunk that she had to stay somewhere overnight, can you tell me why you think it was OK to let her go back to the same place knowing that the same outcome would most likely take place? 

It amazes me that the number of people who are OK with their spouse not only going out for GNO's or for men's nights to strip clubs, but they don't think anything about their spouse spending the night somewhere because they are too drunk to get home safely. My reaction to that is WHAT THE FVCK ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING!?!? Marriage does not automatically mean that you are chained to each other constantly; however, marriage SHOULD imply that you recognize the fact that you are no longer single and that you should not go out on the town with the single man/woman's mindset.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

chapparal said:


> What was the reason she cried when the friend left?


Friend: "if you don't tell him, I will"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Now, hang on. Due to a mess up with bookings when I was single, I ended up sharing a bed with a woman who I was very sexually attracted to. But because she was married and because I felt honoured that she trusted me, I did not make a move on her. So it can happen.


Yes, Matt, it CAN happen. However, you just admitted you made NO moves on this woman. I am guessing she made none on you either, correct? Blader's wife KISSED this man, at the very least. And then, she spent another night with him after that. Big difference, my friend.

Blader, I know you want to believe the best of your wife. But, the fact is, she really isn't your best friend. If she was, she wouldn't have even KISSED this guy, let alone spend the night with him! I'm sorry, but I really don't think she stopped at just a kiss. They did a lot more than kiss.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> Sure, it _can_ happen, but would you bet the marital farm on it?


The breaker here to my mind? The kiss. Not good.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

chapparal said:


> If it happened to me, they would all have thought they were in a whirlwind. Wife divorced, company sued, you hurt.


It wasn't a work situation, so somewhat different. We were delegates at a conference.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Blader said:


> This is my wife and my best friend.. Be gentle please. I'm praying that she told me everything because I want to love her..


Ignore all the posts that say she had sex.

You don't know what happened and since she came clean with you on her own accord she just might be telling you the truth.

She's obviously got a conscience unlike most cheaters you read about on sites such as this and others.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

OP is long gone. The truth must have scared him.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Blader,

If you're still out there and reading but not replying, I understand.

You've gotten a lot of responses that you didn't want to hear but deep down you feared.

Please lsiten to the advice and investigate what your wife has been up to. People make mistakes and people change. If I had a dollar for evertime I read "Not my wife" or "not my husband" I'd be a wealthy man.

Move forward with the polygraph and other investigative tips outlined earlier


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Blader,
> 
> If you're still out there and reading but not replying, I understand.
> 
> ...


OP last was logged in on 24-12-12 at 7pm my time zone (GMT)


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