# Input from the ladies...



## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Ladies, I'm curious about your stance on this topic. 

Obviously every man in the world would love nothing more than to give his wife multiple orgasms any time he possibly could. What about women giving men the opportunity for more than 1?

Here's why I ask. Sometimes, when its "been a while", I can't last long enough for my wife to reach her climax. I try to encourage her to let me do other things before we have sex so that I can get her more aroused before I go in.... I have suggested many times that if she would give me a HJ first, then let me give her oral, I'd be back up and ready within 5 minutes and could go all night. She refuses to let me do that. I don't get it???? I'm legitimately wanting this for her benefit. Why would this be a problem for her???


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

That sounds selfish of her. If you can't discuss it and find a solution, there's little you can do about it except take care of yourself first. Or, stop giving her multiples, but that could just result in less sex overall. Then you start thinking about drastic solutions!

Or maybe just tell her that you want her NOW, and go for it in those circumstances. Take care of her after that, and by then maybe you'll get your round two. Rather than asking, just do what you want and she will probably follow along.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

She may be one of those women that doesn't like foreplay and would just rather get to the meat and potatoes. I'm one of those women that doesn't care for receiving OS, so to me it would be a waste of time since I don't enjoy it. Maybe you can quick Palm an hr or two before you both have sex? If you cum too quick and she complains, remind her that you gave her options, lol


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Lila said:


> Does your wife get angry with you that she doesn't climax during those times you can't last long enough? Maybe she's not at all interested in orgasming.
> 
> Is she capable of having multiple orgasms at all? Many woman, myself included, are pretty much a one in done. It takes about 30-40 minutes for the sensitivity to decrease enough to make another attempt even possible.


I'm one and done too. Less is more for me. It starts to become painful after I "o", and I'm pretty much grimacing until he gets his.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I do not like knowing it is going to last a long time. Weather I get mine or not, I simply do not like PIV for more then a few min.

He has gotten his needs met before we embark on sex. It is highy annoying to either have PIV that takes forever or to have "it" die mid way threw and have to stress over getting it back up and re inserting, and having it die again in a little bit. 

Sometimes is he gets his needs met alone in the morning, and then by early afternoon he can be ready and keep it "up" and last 10 min or so, which is on the boarder of to long for me personally. 

I just prefer to get mine, or not, it doesn't really matter, and then have the same ole 3 - 4 min of PIV. But we all like different things.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Just to be clear.... She's not getting multiples. She's absolutely a 1 and done girl, and I can count on 1 hand the number of times in 20 years that she's wanted to go again. I'm simply saying that if she wanted them, I'd gladly do my part to help. 

What I'm asking is this: Why would she, or any women, not be willing to give me a HJ or BJ first if it was going to ensure that I could then go long enough to make sure she gets satisfied. Seriously, I can go again in 5 minutes and not lose it..... As odd as it sounds, I would be doing it for her. Would a woman not find it thoughtful for a man to think that way?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Ladies, I'm curious about your stance on this topic.
> 
> Obviously every man in the world would love nothing more than to give his wife multiple orgasms any time he possibly could. What about women giving men the opportunity for more than 1?
> 
> Here's why I ask. Sometimes, when its "been a while", I can't last long enough for my wife to reach her climax. I try to encourage her to let me do other things before we have sex so that I can get her more aroused before I go in.... I have suggested many times that if she would give me a HJ first, then let me give her oral, I'd be back up and ready within 5 minutes and could go all night. She refuses to let me do that. I don't get it???? I'm legitimately wanting this for her benefit. Why would this be a problem for her???


Sounds like you're talking about two things: you getting multiple Os (nothing wrong with that) and giving your W an initial O.

Is she highly orgasmic otherwise? 

I am not. After a quickie, while I appreciate it, the last thing I want is for my partner to try to give me one. It's too much pressure for me and it becomes a huge PITA.

Have you made it crystal clear to her that you're not in it for the multiple O necessarily, but to meet her needs first and foremost?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why does it matter? I'm a one and done woman too and if hubby doesn't outlast me we do other things. I think watching him orgasm is hot anyway.

If he does outlast me that's ok too, I'm happy to get him there, but I'm done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Ladies, I'm curious about your stance on this topic.
> 
> Obviously every man in the world would love nothing more than to give his wife multiple orgasms any time he possibly could. What about women giving men the opportunity for more than 1?
> 
> Here's why I ask. Sometimes, when its "been a while", I can't last long enough for my wife to reach her climax. I try to encourage her to let me do other things before we have sex so that I can get her more aroused before I go in.... I have suggested many times that if she would give me a HJ first, then let me give her oral, I'd be back up and ready within 5 minutes and could go all night. She refuses to let me do that. I don't get it???? I'm legitimately wanting this for her benefit. Why would this be a problem for her???


It sounds like that is all she wants.

But.. have you tried not talking about it? Instead of asking her, after she's done and you want to continue, just continue touching her in sensual ways. start slow.. things like just rubbing her skin slowly.

If done right this could slowly build her desire for more. She needs to have the desire. Sensual touch can rebuild her feelings to that point.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Just to be clear.... She's not getting multiples. She's absolutely a 1 and done girl, and I can count on 1 hand the number of times in 20 years that she's wanted to go again. I'm simply saying that if she wanted them, I'd gladly do my part to help.
> 
> What I'm asking is this: Why would she, or any women, not be willing to give me a HJ or BJ first if it was going to ensure that *I could then go long enough to make sure she gets satisfied. * Seriously, I can go again in 5 minutes and not lose it..... As odd as it sounds, I would be doing it for her. Would a woman not find it thoughtful for a man to think that way?


Does she actually orgasm from PIV? Maybe the problem isn't that you don't last long enough but that she NEVER or RARELY orgasms from PIV anyway. Many women never do, and most women only sometimes do. If she never or rarely orgasms from PIV, she may NOT WANT you to last longer. A lot of women have no desire for lots of PIV. Other women are different, but it seems like yours does not want a lot of PIV.

Why not start with oral if she orgasms that way, then after she orgasms, you can do PIV and you don't need to last any longer than you usually do.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

*o*

Just want to give you a warning...

I am 22, and work out, and since cutting down on my alcoholism, my drive is only going up. 

And going multiple times, in one sitting, is really awesome. Especially when the wife or girlfriend or...whatever doesn't know/expect it. 

Going multiple times in a sitting, multiple days, is really exhausting. 

And chaffing can occur.


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Amen on that , chaffing is a real pain to deal with.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Big Mama said:


> Amen on that , chaffing is a real pain to deal with.


Coconut oil


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Here's why I ask. Sometimes, when its "been a while", I can't last long enough for my wife to reach her climax. I try to encourage her to let me do other things before we have sex so that I can get her more aroused before I go in.... I have suggested many times that if she would give me a HJ first, then let me give her oral, I'd be back up and ready within 5 minutes and could go all night. She refuses to let me do that. I don't get it???? I'm legitimately wanting this for her benefit. Why would this be a problem for her???


A page and a half has been directed at you and your wife to switch things up and try this, or try that, but I think everybody's missing the point here. (though it has been lightly touched on by a couple of people)

Basically she's not interested in foreplay (giving or receiving). And there's the problem.

This isn't so much about timing, or this or that or the other thing. From your description, sex with your wife sounds like it's pretty much straight to PIV. The fact that you're looking for even a HJ beforehand is kind of cringe-worthy. (I'm assuming there's no BJ, either?). So what I'm picturing here is you guys decide to have sex, she wants to go straight to PIV, and usually you don't outlast her.

So without further information, we can assume one of two things:

- she's just not into foreplay (ie. oral does nothing for her and/or she has no interest in giving you foreplay of any kind). This CAN be okay in some circumstances, but honestly, not all the time.

- she's just not that into sex (with you, or just in general). It may or may not have anything to do with you, personally, or your technique. Then again, it may.

I will give you two sides to this coin.

My ex wife sounds very much like your wife. We had sex probably 1-3 times a week. She wasn't averse to it, I guess, but it was never mind-blowing. Foreplay MIGHT have consisted of a 20 second HJ, then straight to PIV. She didn't enjoy oral as she was too sensitive and it caused pain. She never O'd from PIV, ever. Not once in 14 years. If I lasted too long (say 10 minutes or more), it got painful and she lost interest. So whether I lasted 2 minutes or 10, it made no difference to her. So in a nutshell, sex with her sounds very much how you described your current situation (though your wife seems to O from PIV, if it's long enough)

My current wife can O from PIV multiple times, and it often doesn't take a lot of foreplay to get her there. This is rare, apparently. I can be a quick shooter on occasion and she'll still beat me to it. But like most women, she prefers foreplay and oral sex beforehand (different type of O, for those women who are capable of both and/or multiples will attest to).

So again, the problem is either communication based, or that she just doesn't give a darn.

To be fair, she may just not KNOW that there's more to sex (or should be more to sex) for men. She may be under the impression that the man just wants to get off through PIV and he's satisfied. It's possible that she "learned" this from previous partners and thinks all men are the same.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thanks for the feedback.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

alexm said:


> A page and a half has been directed at you and your wife to switch things up and try this, or try that, but I think everybody's missing the point here. (though it has been lightly touched on by a couple of people)
> 
> Basically she's not interested in foreplay (giving or receiving). And there's the problem.
> 
> ...


She's definitely not in to foreplay. I'm ALWAYS telling her to slow down and play a bit, but she climbs on top of me and goes to work. She lets me give her oral about 1-2 times a year and almost ALWAYS orgasms from that. She doesn't have a problem getting an orgasm with PIV. In fact, she can usually have an intense one in less than 10 minutes(If I could last that long). The real issues is that she's just not in to sex in a way that causes her to want it to last more than a couple of minutes. I'd give anything to have 30 minutes of foreplay, kissing, touching, etc... before having PIV. I'm not just looking to "get off". Sex is like a spiritual experience with my wife and anything I can do to make it last longer would be a breakthrough.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> She's definitely not in to foreplay. I'm ALWAYS telling her to slow down and play a bit, but she climbs on top of me and goes to work. She lets me give her oral about 1-2 times a year and almost ALWAYS orgasms from that. She doesn't have a problem getting an orgasm with PIV. In fact, she can usually have an intense one in less than 10 minutes(If I could last that long). The real issues is that she's just not in to sex in a way that causes her to want it to last more than a couple of minutes. I'd give anything to have 30 minutes of foreplay, kissing, touching, etc... before having PIV. I'm not just looking to "get off". Sex is like a spiritual experience with my wife and anything I can do to make it last longer would be a breakthrough.


Honestly, as a woman, I'm amazed to hear she has any orgasms at all under those circumstances.

Climbing on top and going "to work" for a few minutes without any foreplay or anything would not get me anywhere near an orgasm of any kind.

It sounds more like she doesn't enjoy sex and just wants to get you off as quickly as possible so it's over as quickly as possible. I'm sorry to say that...but I suspect you already know that. It must not have been this way in the beginning, right?


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Sounds like she's faking unless she knows it's coming and has been working herself up before hand.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

norajane said:


> Honestly, as a woman, I'm amazed to hear she has any orgasms at all under those circumstances.
> 
> Climbing on top and going "to work" for a few minutes without any foreplay or anything would not get me anywhere near an orgasm of any kind.
> 
> It sounds more like she doesn't enjoy sex and just wants to get you off as quickly as possible so it's over as quickly as possible. I'm sorry to say that...but I suspect you already know that. It must not have been this way in the beginning, right?


Just to be clear, when she "climbs on top and goes to work" she does not have an "o". Like you said, when she does that, she's just doing it for me, but not in to it. Oddly enough, most of the time I'll say "slow down", but she says "No, it feels good". Then it's over.... But when she's actually interested and aroused and is willing to slow down, let me pull out and use my fingers to keep stimulating her, then start up again, she has an "o" 99% of the time. If she lets me give her oral, she's definitely in the mood and she about squeezes my head off with her legs when it comes. If she even allows me to give her oral, she's gonna get a big "o", because she's already hot to trot if she lets me go down.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Just to be clear.... She's not getting multiples. *She's absolutely a 1 and done girl,* and I can count on 1 hand the number of times in 20 years that she's wanted to go again. *I'm simply saying that if she wanted them, I'd gladly do my part to help. *
> 
> What I'm asking is this: *Why would she, or any women, not be willing to give me a HJ or BJ first if it was going to ensure that I could then go long enough to make sure she gets satisfied.* Seriously, I can go again in 5 minutes and not lose it..... As odd as it sounds, I would be doing it for her. Would a woman not find it thoughtful for a man to think that way?





LuvIsTuff said:


> *She's definitely not in to foreplay. I'm ALWAYS telling her to slow down and play a bit*, but she climbs on top of me and goes to work. She lets me give her oral about 1-2 times a year and almost ALWAYS orgasms from that. She doesn't have a problem getting an orgasm with PIV. In fact, she can usually have an intense one in less than 10 minutes(If I could last that long). *The real issues is that she's just not in to sex in a way that causes her to want it to last more than a couple of minutes.* *I'd give anything to have 30 minutes of foreplay, kissing, touching, etc... before having PIV. I'm not just looking to "get off". Sex is like a spiritual experience* with my wife and anything I can do to make it last longer would be a breakthrough.


It is pretty clear that you know what your wife wants/prefers and you want something else that she doesn't want. You are pushing her to do something different, which is what YOU want.

The classic Gottman advice is that if you want to negotiate a change with your spouse, you need to understand and be able to articulate her reasons better than she can. If you can't, you should not try to ask her to change.

So, have you really talked and really listened to her as to why she isn't into foreplay, likes to "get it done quickly?"

I suggest that you LISTEN to her and instead of telling her what you want; i.e. a HJ because it will allow YOU to last longer and that longer lasting sex is what YOU desire. This should be something that you BOTH want and enjoy.

Schnarch would say that the two of you both need to grow and differentiate. You need to find out why what she does is her preferred way of having sex with you. Don't try to change it, understand it. Then once you understand it, maybe do some things to change you and your life in a positive way that enhances her life. She then might do the same for you. 

If she is tired and overwhelmed with all she has to do, marginally likes sex, and thinks it is important to her marriage, but ranks its importance well below a good nights sleep or relaxing and reading a good book, then you need to understand that and figure out what you can do so that she can get more sleep and relaxing time so there will be time in HER DAY for the sex you want. She may have other "needs" or goals that rank higher than "...me love you long time sailor."

Good luck to you.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Personal said:


> Since all that I read sounds like she isn't getting there at all and is faking orgasm. Are you really sure she is having any orgasms?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


For crying out loud, yes! She has orgasms. I feel them. When I do oral, the muscles in her thighs vibrate like someone stuck her toe in a light socket. When she orgasms during PIV, I can feel the "hummingbird", and it makes me climax with her. She's not faking.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> What I'm asking is this: Why would she, or any women, not be willing to give me a HJ or BJ first if it was going to ensure that I could then go long enough to make sure she gets satisfied. Seriously, I can go again in 5 minutes and not lose it..... As odd as it sounds, I would be doing it for her. Would a woman not find it thoughtful for a man to think that way?


Orgasms are not all that important to her. She's answering this request based on looking at it from her perspective which is to say without understanding how her orgasm increases YOUR satisfaction. And you are trying to convince yourself and her that his is about her need when it really is about your need.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

I think she just doesn't like sex, except just a few times a year. ( when she likes oral)
The rest of the time she is just having sex to keep you quiet, but not interested in making it real spectacular. It's a sad situation as you know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

tornado said:


> I think she just doesn't like sex, except just a few times a year. ( when she likes oral)
> The rest of the time she is just having sex to keep you quiet, but not interested in making it real spectacular. It's a sad situation as you know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's the long and the short of it right there...


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Hicks said:


> Orgasms are not all that important to her. She's answering this request based on looking at it from her perspective which is to say without understanding how her orgasm increases YOUR satisfaction. And you are trying to convince yourself and her that his is about her need when it really is about your need.


It's weird, because about 80% of the time, I know it's not a big deal to her that she doesn't "O". I know that because she makes no attempt to make sex last long enough for her to get hers. But about 20% of the time, I can tell she's wanting to have one because she doesn't try to make me finish quickly. There's a couple of subtle things she does that tells me, "Ok, she's in to it tonight", and when she wants to have one, she does. The problem is that we only have sex about 2-3 times per month, so those 20% times are only once every couple of months. It's such a MASSIVE turn on to see her get hers....


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My ex-wife, in a voice of annoyance:

"Why does everything have to be such a production?!"

Pretty much killed the mood for time and eternity.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

michzz said:


> My ex-wife, in a voice of annoyance:
> 
> "Why does everything have to be such a production?!"
> 
> Pretty much killed the mood for time and eternity.


Yup. I've heard those same words. Verbatim.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> For crying out loud, yes! She has orgasms. I feel them. * When I do oral, the muscles in her thighs vibrate like someone stuck her toe in a light socket.* When she orgasms during PIV, I can feel the "hummingbird", and it makes me climax with her. She's not faking.


My muscles do that too when my H does oral...it's because he's hitting a spot that's too sensitive. I have no control over it, it's annoying, and it's almost painful. I have to tell him to back off a bit. 

Just sayin...it ain't always an orgasm.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

norajane said:


> Honestly, as a woman, I'm amazed to hear she has any orgasms at all under those circumstances.
> 
> Climbing on top and going "to work" for a few minutes without any foreplay or anything would not get me anywhere near an orgasm of any kind.
> 
> It sounds more like she doesn't enjoy sex and just wants to get you off as quickly as possible so it's over as quickly as possible. I'm sorry to say that...but I suspect you already know that. It must not have been this way in the beginning, right?


You're probably right, but devil's advocate here:

Again, my wife can get off through PIV in no time at all. Seriously, under a minute on occasion. For real. Even without foreplay. This doesn't happen often, but when it's quickie time, this is what can happen, and usually does under those circumstances. Yes, it's rare, but there are women who don't REQUIRE foreplay. My wife obviously much prefers it.  But in the 10 minutes it takes for OP's wife to get off, mine would have had 4 or 5. Not bragging, just saying it's possible.

In my previous post, I suggested that perhaps his wife just doesn't know there's a whole lot more to sex. I mean she KNOWS, but maybe she's under the impression that this is the way it should be done. We are all products of our past experiences, so maybe before she met OP, this was just how sex was assumed to be.

Maybe he's the first man to ask for more, or longer, or more intimacy. The other guys in her life may have been quick shooting noobs with no clue, and this has caused her to think that this is normal.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Being able to O just from PIV is rare enough on it's own, being able to in under a minute with no foreplay would be very, very rare. 

OP- Are you sure your wife is Ok with the orgasm equality between you (she is at 20%, you are at 100% I assume) If there's even a little bit of resentment there, asking for more in one time for yourself might be a little annoying. On the times where you feel she's not trying for one, she could just be needing something else but doesn't know how to say it or feels she will take too long and you will be done too soon (IME it's worse to get almost there but stopped short than just not expect one at all so if I felt like he wasn't going to do what I needed, I wouldn't have the right mindset to start to get there KWIM?) 
I think you should assume a woman wants an orgasm unless she specifically says otherwise. You don't have to show that you want one, it's just expected. Should be for her too. 

I get why you want her to give you a HJ or BJ first but there are so many ways you could make sure your wife has an O when she wants even if you can't go for long. Do her first or after or stop in the middle to do something to her and give yourself a break.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* My XW could rarely ever get off by PIV, but she could literally go ballistic from oral. Our standard fare was for me to go South on her until she popped her cork, then for her to give me oral as a precursor to finishing up by PIV.

After PIV, if she wanted more oral, she'd either request it or would physically position herself to receive Round 2. Which I had no real problem with, so long as she had cleaned herself up from the prior PIV.*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Just to be clear.... She's not getting multiples. She's absolutely a 1 and done girl, and I can count on 1 hand the number of times in 20 years that she's wanted to go again. I'm simply saying that if she wanted them, I'd gladly do my part to help.
> 
> What I'm asking is this: Why* would she, or any women, not be willing to give me a HJ or BJ first if it was going to ensure that I could then go long enough to make sure she gets satisfied. Seriously, I can go again in 5 minutes and not lose it..... As odd as it sounds, I would be doing it for her. Would a woman not find it thoughtful for a man to think that way?*



My thoughts are ..if she had a HIGHER sex drive & always wanted her "O"... she'd love it and greatly appreciate it...(at least I would!)... a little envious reading your post..

You must be a young one...as men get older..their refractory period gets longer... One time a day is the max for my H -unless I want to give him an erection enhancer..... I would jump to do that -- but then again.. I really love all things sexual and there's no place I'd rather Be...love it lasting.. 

And we both feel a let down if he slips before me..thankfully he's pretty good at holding out.. 

Back in the day, it didn't matter.. I told him .. he's just going to do it again!!... Miss those days.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Seems like OP has a win/win solution but wifey won't hear it. 

IF she doesn't care for sex, or O's.... then shouldn't she at LEAST, as a loving wife care that HE wants this? It's no big deal, isn't hurting her, and is awesome for him. 

IF she does care, and wants her O, then this is a good assurance for her getting hers. 

Either way, if you love your husband... why wouldn't you do this?

Also, if he's only getting it a few times a month it's no wonder that he doesn't last too long. Maybe she doesn't know that if she gave it up more often it would all even out anyway?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

heresy! you will be punished!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Just some articles.. Do you think your wife is faking... this has been mentioned a # of times in the responses... unfortunately it's pretty common.... and if one feels pressured ..they are more apt to do this - so they say.. 



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> *Being able to O just from PIV is rare enough on it's own, being able to in under a minute with no foreplay would be very, very rare.
> *


Most studies have concluded between 25 to 33% of women orgasm through PIV.. for the vast majority it's ORAL... 

Female Orgasms: Myths and Facts



> *Myth:*
> 
> An orgasm is always an earth-moving experience and there is something wrong with a woman if she is unable to reach orgasm.
> 
> ...





> *Personal said*: *She can squeeze your head off, scream, read a book, impersonate a statue, writhe around, grip you, gush, cream, do handstands and all the rest. Yet in the absence of what I quote above none of that means she is actually having an orgasm.*
> 
> It is likely that your wife is not actually having any orgasms at all with you and is instead faking them to both please you (giving) and to get it over with after awhile.


Faking it - AskMen

Sorry, guys: 80 percent of women fake it - Health - Sexual health - Sexploration | NBC News

Most Women Fake Orgasms because Most Men Fake Foreplay. ~ Bella Bliss {Adult} | elephant journal

10 Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms | YourTango



> 1. *Women want to please their partner.*
> 
> You know how a guy will often say that if he can bring a woman to orgasm, it not only turns him on to watch the pleasure he brings his partner, but also brings him closer to his own climax as well. Since a woman is always looking to please her man, faking an orgasm will put a smile on his face, and boost his ego at the same time!
> 
> ...


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

intheory said:


> Well, LuvisTuff, you have gotten a lot of good input about how to possibly approach your wife for more extended sex.
> 
> And, it's natural and normal to get an ego boost from giving our partners orgasms.
> 
> ...


Yes, it really does depend on the woman. Personally, I would want the balance to be fairly equal. As soon as it tips too far one way or the other, chances are good for resentment. So unless I say otherwise, assume I want an O. 

This is where communication is good. If his wife says she's ok without the O tonight but wants to have sex anyway, don't push her. But on the other hand, I think most people want the O more often than not. If she's only getting one 20% of the time, that's an issue that should at least be discussed to make sure she's ok with that %. Adding more Os for him before that is settled isn't going to go over very well IMO


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My thoughts are ..if she had a HIGHER sex drive & always wanted her "O"... she'd love it and greatly appreciate it...(at least I would!)... a little envious reading your post..
> 
> You must be a young one...as men get older..their refractory period gets longer... One time a day is the max for my H -unless I want to give him an erection enhancer..... I would jump to do that -- but then again.. I really love all things sexual and there's no place I'd rather Be...love it lasting..
> 
> ...


I'm 42 and feel like I'm 18. I can go 3 times in a night, no problem. Too bad I'm not given that opportunity. LOL


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Being able to O just from PIV is rare enough on it's own, being able to in under a minute with no foreplay would be very, very rare.


Probably exceedingly so, yes.

I have a theory about this - my wife is not a sexual person, despite her "abilities". In other threads here on TAM, the topics of LD and even asexuality have come up, among other things. What I DO know about my wife is that she doesn't think about sex or even really desire it, though she's more than happy to have it. The other thing I've learned about her over the years is that when we do get going, she makes the most of it, and she's generally happy no matter the outcome. 5 minute quickie and one O, or 45 minutes and several. Different types of O's, etc. It seems all the same to her.

Therefore, it makes me wonder if these abilities of hers are due to her generally never thinking or stressing about sex - at least the physical part of it.

As we all know, the vast majority of sexual issues are completely mental, and they therefore take away our abilities to thoroughly enjoy ourselves in the moment. When somebody genuinely isn't thinking about it (ie. there's no "goal") it's infinitely easier to let go and let the body take over. I'm convinced this is exactly what my wife does. There's no pressure for her whatsoever.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

To OP, 

If your rather intense desire is to last longer, especially when it's "been a while" because sex with your W is a spiritual experience so making it last is very important to you then .... drum roll please!

Get one off thru masturbation ahead of time perhaps a half hour ahead of time. 

It works. It's a management program. If you get to know yourself well then you can literally "know where your appendage is at for staying power" based on what has or has not been "going down" 

Otherwise your "**** gets hard when the wind blows" yes?

Your welcome!

Your issue is not complicated. Be proactive.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

The more I read all the posts from all these women who talk about how much women want sex and how much they love sex, the more frustrated I get. My wife told me for years and years that "sex isn't a big deal to women". I believed her!!!!!!!!!!!


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