# Do men and women view respect differently?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Respect is something my other half has said he would like more of. I'm trying to improve things in ways I can and so would like to try to do this. All goes pearshaped though because definitions (maybe perceptions?) of respect are so subjective... I've this feeling that maybe men have a much wider view of respect; not interrupting 'even-at-all-not-the-slightest-even-unintentionally-in-a-multiway-conversation' for example. It's one that rears its head at least weekly, maybe several times weekly. 
Anyone any views on women's vs men's ideas of respect? 
.... oh, and please give very specific examples. I'm a simple soul and need line drawings!!!!!!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I do think they view it differently and it's one that I am not sure I have figured out.

In my failed marraige, my ex-wife would really, really complain I didn't respect her when I really thought I did. No, I know I did (but you know how women tell you what you are thinking and then you get self-doubt).

I think I showed it too.

I think of the animated women on Jerry Springer doing the neck rolling and finger wagging screaming, "Youze disrespectin' me!!!! Youze disrespectin' me!!!!"

Why are women so hypersensitive and animated about respect?

Heck, men can be called lower than a ball of monkey XXX by a coach or a drill sergeant and yet they are not quite so damaged.

I don't get it.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> I do think they view it differently and it's one that I am not sure I have figured out.
> 
> In my failed marraige, my ex-wife would really, really complain I didn't respect her when I really thought I did. No, I know I did (but you know how women tell you what you are thinking and then you get self-doubt).
> 
> ...


So if your definition of accepting being treated as sh!te by a military person is ?accepting disrespect? WHAT is their definition of respect?
Though I'd admit to watching springer sometimes, I don't really count the candidates on his show as worthy of using as examples. I was seriously hoping for an accurate description from a few men (and possibly women who've discovered the secret!)


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

madimoff said:


> Respect is something my other half has said he would like more of. I'm trying to improve things in ways I can and so would like to try to do this. All goes pearshaped though because definitions (maybe perceptions?) of respect are so subjective... I've this feeling that maybe men have a much wider view of respect; not interrupting 'even-at-all-not-the-slightest-even-unintentionally-in-a-multiway-conversation' for example. It's one that rears its head at least weekly, maybe several times weekly.
> Anyone any views on women's vs men's ideas of respect?
> .... oh, and please give very specific examples. I'm a simple soul and need line drawings!!!!!!


It has nothing to do with men and women. It is about being willing to do what he wants regardless of what you think about it.

He wants you not to interrupt. Don't. That is respecting HIM and his wishes.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

madimoff said:


> So if your definition of accepting being treated as sh!te by a military person is ?accepting disrespect? WHAT is their definition of respect?


As someone who went through this, I'll put me twopenn'oth in. This isn't about being disrespected. It's about being goaded to get past what you think you can't do, and the result of trying and especially succeeding, is genuine respect. The good NCOs reserve real disrespect for people who give up.

I don't think it's simply a men / women thing. There's a view that respect is a fundemental human right. "I have a right to be respected!" you hear a lot. Bullsh*t. You have a RIGHT to not be abused, but you do NOT have a right to be respected. You DO have the right to act in such a way as to earn respect. If at that point you don't get the respect you deserve, act accordingly.

Respect is EARNED, not granted. You don't get respect for free, but too many people aren't prepared to pay that price and expect it gratis.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I do think men and women view respect differently, but I'm not sure I can put my finger on how or why. 

I've thought about it and tried to come up with some specific way to explain the difference, but it's just not something I'm quite able to grasp.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I think in general,

when you talk, have a smile, view the other one superior to you no matter who the other person is! Your neighbor, your co-worker, your family members, people you meet on the street. 

Don't think you are better than them because each person has his or her unique quality! 

In a relationship, treat each other respectfully. When you are making a big decision, take the other one's opinion into consideration, don't be quick to defend yourself. People who don't try hard to defend their egotism win other people's respect.

When you are wrong, it's OK to admit you are wrong and say sorry, nobody is perfect. People who have the courage to admit their faults win respect from others! 

I find so many people to be quick to accuse others for being wrong, and so few people to sit down and examine their own conduct. 

When you think you are being wrong a lot, and the other one is being right more often, your attitude will become respectful to others.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

respect


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

respect person gets when its the answer not the question


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

madimoff said:


> Respect is something my other half has said he would like more of. I'm trying to improve things in ways I can and so would like to try to do this. All goes pearshaped though because definitions (maybe perceptions?) of respect are so subjective... I've this feeling that maybe men have a much wider view of respect; not interrupting 'even-at-all-not-the-slightest-even-unintentionally-in-a-multiway-conversation' for example. It's one that rears its head at least weekly, maybe several times weekly.
> Anyone any views on women's vs men's ideas of respect?
> .... oh, and please give very specific examples. I'm a simple soul and need line drawings!!!!!!


Ok.. I will give an example from my personal experience. H would unilaterally make a decision within the marriage. I'm not talking about 'what's for dinner' variety of decisions, but the big, life altering ones, where we live, what is good for me, or the family. There had been no "us" for many many years! He would listen to what I had to say, think for 2 seconds, and then say, nope.. that won't work... He did this for 20+ years, most of the time unwittingly knowing that he is being disrespectful of my thoughts, ideas, opinions and plans. Just because it didn't fit into his realm of thought.. then no other would exist. We had another run in with this behaviour again this morning... Last night he said he would call in the morning to talk about making arrangements for the day (a really good step in his behaviour modification.. I was so looking forward to his call so that we could work something out)... instead I just get a text two seconds before he arrives at the door that he is on his way to pick up our youngest son... to scoop up our youngest son for a day trip. No discussion about what the little one wanted to do, or my plans, and sadly he did not include his two oldest sons. I should have stopped him then and there to express my feelings, however, that would lead to a scene we both wish not to display infront of the children. LAter this afternoon I insisted that we talk, and I told him gently,calmly honestly and firmly and of course in love expressed that he completely disrespected our sons and I, again. I know reconciliation and the process of change takes time... 

Hopes this helps..


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

madimoff said:


> Respect is something my other half has said he would like more of. I'm trying to improve things in ways I can and so would like to try to do this. All goes pearshaped though because definitions (maybe perceptions?) of respect are so subjective... I've this feeling that maybe men have a much wider view of respect; not interrupting 'even-at-all-not-the-slightest-even-unintentionally-in-a-multiway-conversation' for example. It's one that rears its head at least weekly, maybe several times weekly.
> Anyone any views on women's vs men's ideas of respect?
> .... oh, and please give very specific examples. I'm a simple soul and need line drawings!!!!!!


I don't actually think it's different for either sex - to me respect is respect is respect....no matter what sex, age, colour, size etc. the other person (or thing) is.

Having respect for someone is having an attitude toward them that honours and cares about their rights. 

I think the differences in how each person sees respect is a much more personal thing - it's that, that causes the differences of opinion in how it is shown.

When you show another person respect, you choose to look beyond what you yourself believe to be right and treat them in a way that they understand to be showing regard to them or their feelings.

One person may be perfectly okay with being constantly interrupted during conversations....while another person may see the same thing as being rude, taking away their right to finish what they are saying. 

One person may be okay with someone going through their personal things.....another may see this as being an invasion of privacy (even if there is nothing to hide).

To one person it may be okay to walk through the house with dirty yard boots on....another person may see this is being uncaring that they had just spent the morning polishing the floors.

One person may find absolutely nothing wrong with watching porn....another may find it devalues their role in the relationship.

When you show your partner (or anyone I guess) respect, it's validating the importance of who they are to you. It's allowing them to feel that they have been heard and their opinions/thoughts/feelings matter.

Whooda thought that doing something as simple as biting your tongue and simply listening or taking your dirty shoes off at the door could convey such an important message to another person. But it does...it is what it is. Respect.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

They may be two different needs, but I tend to put respect and admiration together. They are not exactly the same thing. I do not want my wife to disresepct me but I also need her to be proud of me as well.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

While respect means the same thing to men and women, in general men have a strong need for respect in a marriage and women value affection. A generalization, I know. 

Why does your husband feel that you do not respect him? Are you second guessing his decisions? Do you tell him the correct way to fold the laundry? When he tries to fix something, do you say we should call in a professional? Do you compare him with other men? These kinds of things will make a man feel that you do not respect him.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> While respect means the same thing to men and women, in general men have a strong need for respect in a marriage and women value affection. A generalization, I know.
> 
> Why does your husband feel that you do not respect him? Are you second guessing his decisions? Do you tell him the correct way to fold the laundry? When he tries to fix something, do you say we should call in a professional? Do you compare him with other men? These kinds of things will make a man feel that you do not respect him.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's different for every man and woman.

I feel respected when I'm being listened to and heard. I feel respected when my husband takes an interest in what I have to say. I also feel respected when he includes me in his life.

He feels respect by me doing acts of love for him. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and listening to his issues but not trying to solve them. He also feels respected when I trust he will take care of business and when I show my faith in him and compliment him on his efforts.

I forgot to do this for a while  It ended up in him moving out. But he's home now and I have learned how to truly show my husband respect. He has learned (and is improving) on showing respect for me.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

I think it's something you learn to give and receive in your former family. If you didn't get it a lot you'll demand it in a wrong way/or will not know how to show it/. If you've received it you can give it to others, and not feel so neglected when sometimes you didn't get it. No matter the sex.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I don't know... my husband is always complaining nobody respects him or cares about his opinion, and frankly, I feel like I bend over backward to say the right thing, do the right thing to make him feel respected, but it doesn't work.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> my husband is always complaining nobody respects him or cares about his opinion, and frankly, I feel like I bend over backward to say the right thing, do the right thing to make him feel respected, but it doesn't work.


Then stop doing what doesn't work.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I don't know... my husband is always complaining nobody respects him or cares about his opinion, and frankly, I feel like I bend over backward to say the right thing, do the right thing to make him feel respected, but it doesn't work.


Sometimes (most times? all the time?)....if there is some other underlying issue that hasn't or isn't being addressed - then it doesn't matter how much the other person does....it will never be enough.

So is there anything you can think of that may be eating at him (other than the not feeling respected thing)?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

surfergirl said:


> Sometimes (most times? all the time?)....if there is some other underlying issue that hasn't or isn't being addressed - then it doesn't matter how much the other person does....it will never be enough.
> 
> So is there anything you can think of that may be eating at him (other than the not feeling respected thing)?


Being out of the workforce for so long seems to be bothering him. He doesn't respect himself, so IMO he projects the disrespect onto us when it isn't so.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband felt very diminished when he wasn't working. I just stepped up my reassurance and empathy to keep him from getting too insecure. I told my hubby every day how much I loved him and how much faith I had that we would get through the difficult time. 

I often mentioned that the loss of his employment right after he proposed, was a great test for us. He always talks about the way most women would have given back the ring and left. I also made love to him even more often, so that he wasn't just stuck on the couch, staring forlornly at the tv.

Lisa3girls, I am not saying that you do not encourage your husband. I am just detailing the way I handled our situation.


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## student881 (Nov 15, 2011)

Does a man treat his wife differently based on money?
Married Men: I am doing research in my English class on marriage and I was wondering If you could pretty please do me a favor and take a few minutes to fill out my survey. Pretty please, I need honest and well thought out answers! There are only 9 questions! Thank you very much 
-----> English 101: Research and Discovery Survey


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## christinadanderson (Nov 15, 2011)

Men want women to do as they wish. Use the word obey if you'd like. But if a man wants a woman to do something, it is a good idea to just go ahead and do it. Now when sex is in the picture you have to draw the line at what you will do and what you will not. Men are funny and they can expect their wives to do some pretty yukky stuff.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

christinadanderson said:


> Men want women to do as they wish. Use the word obey if you'd like. But if a man wants a woman to do something, it is a good idea to just go ahead and do it. Now when sex is in the picture you have to draw the line at what you will do and what you will not. Men are funny and they can expect their wives to do some pretty yukky stuff.


:scratchhead: Seriously? 


:rofl:


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