# Florida Uber with Non-Functional Spouse seeks guidance



## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

I am a college educated, knowledgeable, hard working, faithful and religious man in his early 40s who truly loves his 2 small children and wants the best for them. I am working hard towards my children's future (they are currently in elementary school) by trying to fulfill all their needs whether financial, educational, physical, health, social, mental, nutritional etc. It is my ultimate goal to launch 2 happy, healthy and properly educated adults into this world who can make it on their own in the long run. I want to provide everything that I can and more to see my children succeed in their future life. My children's future and well-being is my absolute top priority if not my #1 goal in life at this stage.

Currently, I am in a situation where I am in between contracts as well and while continuously applying for jobs and interviewing for full time work I am currently working very long hours making minimum wage while driving Uber/Lyft. Frankly. I also do enjoy this line of work and it helps to put some quick food on the table, put gas in my car and work towards paying bills. One at a time. I feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.

I consider myself a highly positive person who is very self-aware and continuously works on improving. I diet and exercise daily and have overcome addiction and overweight issues in the past. I have developed a great set of skills over time and continue to enjoy watching motivational videos while continuously striving to better myself in order to become the best I can possibly be. 

I always feel that there is nothing that can stop me on my path because I know that I have God on my side. I truly love almost all aspects of life and welcome any type of struggle since deep down inside I know that I need the struggle in order to grow and progress into becoming an even better version of me. I also happen to enjoy helping other people very much. I am a very customer service oriented people-pleaser. My Uber/Lyft ratings and reviews speak for themselves. I have met close to 2,000 strangers via Uber/Lyft. My rating remains at almost 5 stars and there have been many many passengers who confirmed in writing that: "This is just a really nice guy"

Overall I am calm, cool, well-balanced, collective, unbiased and very reasonable individual with a highly positive attitude towards all challenges life has to offer and a person who likes to approach conflict situations from multiple objective perspectives while keeping his emotions under control at nearly all times. I take great pride and pleasure in serving my family and others. My approach to life in general is a modest one. I like to ensure that everybody around me "eats first, prior to me even taking a bite". I have no problems with "giving up my spot in line" to someone who needs it more than I do while happily returning to the end of the line. I am a believer in Karma, Energy and Balance.


Opposites attract each other they say ... 


Well, long story short: My wife (high school sweetheart) who I have known for 20 years and been married to for 10 years has grown to become the complete opposite of me and we have now lost almost all common grounds except the children. My wife, who is college educated as well and holds a Bachelor's Degree seems to have fully lost her connection to God and IMHO has developed into a non-functional adult to say the least. 


Below are 10 of my honest and objective observations of my wife's' behavior:



1. My wife is negative towards most aspects in life. She has a very limited perspective and can only see things from her point of view. The glass is always half empty with her. She has turned into a negative nancy over the years and doesn't really feel the need to change that aspect about herself.


2. My wife can not accept fault. She refuses to take any form of criticism (not just from me, from anyone in general) She is constantly looking for excuses, finger pointing, creating scapegoats out of thin air. She refuses to take responsibility for her actions. If you confront her, she will go as far as putting her hands on top of her head and repeatedly saying "I am not listening, I am not listening" and will walk out of the room, start watching lifetime and stop doing anything. I find this so immature. I find it extremely difficult at times to reach any form of compromise with her. She remains under the assumption that nobody should criticize her. When my wife grew up she was the youngest among all siblings in her family maybe this plays a role as well in regards to her behavior above.


3. My wife does not have her emotions in control. She will go from 0 to 100 if you push her wrong button. She will immediately become extremely verbally aggressive and emotionally abusive at a very high and disturbing volume. She will intentionally badmouth not just me but drag in my parents, sisters etc. and refer to past incidents which happened 10+ years ago. Classic things that should never be done in any relationship. (Yes, we have been through counseling) Whether there are small children or neighbors around, she can barely control herself and will go off on you regardless of the surroundings. The only way I can get her to stop in that red-zone is by squirting her with water or any type of safe fluid which I can get my hands on at that instant. Walking away doesn't always work, since she will continue yelling and cursing even louder and the fact that my little children are right next to her and watching the whole out-of-control incident causes me a great deal of vain and anger. Trying to physically separate her from the children when she is in the red-zone doesn't work and will result in her becoming more physically aggressive. Trying to separate the children will result in her following me around the house and screaming. 


4. My wife refuses to contribute to the family's financial needs. We moved to FL almost 7 years ago. Our average monthly expenses are around $4K per month. My wife has not paid or even made the slightest effort to pay a single bill. She hasn't had any form of steady income in the past decade. She doesn't have a bank account and appears to have no intentions in opening one. My wife has 2 children from her previous marriage who are now in their late 20s. My wife's financial contribution to her children from previous marriage has been $0. Every year though, I am trying to scratch together a couple hundred dollars and send it to them for their birthday, Christmas etc. 


5. My wife is very self-involved and primarily thinks about herself and her own needs. She is a hippo crate with double standards who has not been able to overcome some of her addiction issues. She is an alcoholic who is hooked up to social media as well. Most of her time is usually spent chasing "likes" on Facebook which eats most of her time, often 10-12 hours per day. My wife doesn't have any friends outside of social media. Even her familiy has alienated her because they just dont want to deal with her anymore. 


6. My wife is negligent of house-hold duties and often waits until the last minute to do the laundry. I have to beg her to do cleaning tasks. She has no interest in becoming a better housewife and has bad time management skills. She is not involved with the Kids school, Kids homework is often neglected up until 5 minutes before the bus comes. She does not check their homework or get their clothes ready the night before although I asked her many many times to do that. Since she like to wait until the last minute to get things done What ends up happening is that she puts us under a lot of stress and starts screaming and yelling in the morning when she is running behind on tasks that she is supposed to do. 


7. Most of my wife's family members agree that she requires an intervention. Some friends of the family who have known her for quite some time even suggest an involuntary psychology evaluation since she seems to be showing signs of bi-polar disease. She refuses. 


8. My wife has had many affairs over the past. The worst one lasted almost a year and I had to quit a $4,000/mo job because she was bringing her lover into our home around my children while I was working 9 til 5. My wifes last affair includes sexual acts with a much much younger female lover which she was broad casting to certain individuals over social medial. 

9. My wife is in denial of an STD which she carries and which has prevented me from performing oral sex on her in the past 3 or 4 years. 


10. My wife and I do not sleep with each other or in the same room. I pull out a mattress from the garage every night and sleep on the living room floor. While I am used to having my wife around since we have been living together for almost 20 years, I feel that we are now no more than roommates who have just become used to each other. I am certainly not in love with a person like this although I still have caring and compassionate feeling towards her since she is the mother of my children. 



I am not really sure how much longer I will be able to tolerate this. I often drive away and start doing Uber after an argument and when I check my messages later I notice a message from her saying something like: "I have nobody, I have nothing. I am alone. Please come home" then eventually I need to go back home since my kids need me and I have no other place to go and I just smile at her and she smiles back, we hug it out real quick and life goes on... how pathetic is my life, huh?



I am not quite done yet but I have to go right now and take the kids to the park but if anybody wants to comment on what I wrote so far ... please do! Thanks for listening to me ranting. You guys are awesome!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are talking about divorcing. This is the woman who you are going to let have your children 50% of the time? Are your children really safe with her?


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> You are talking about divorcing. This is the woman who you are going to let have your children 50% of the time? Are your children really safe with her?



Safe? probably yes but she maybe unconsciously very negligent of the childrens needs. She says: "I am not like your mother, I don't hover over my children, I just let them be." which is IMO very neglectful cause she does 10 hours per day social media and barely speaks 5 mins with the children. Kids are playing non-stop video games or watching inappropriate things on Youtube practically all day long and I am having a very hard time interfering with this situation since I am at work a lot and can't be working and supervising kids simultaneously. I do make it work though. I fed kids, checked homework, enforced reading assignments, put them to bed and now I am getting ready to drive all night til early morning hours then I get up at 7:30 again and make breakfast and get kids ready for school... I am always at a point where I feel like I am running circles around the house contributing 95% and she contributes the remaining 5%. If I try to get her to do more, she immediately jumps on defense.... its not worth the battle, trust me.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

If you are so self aware, then why are you still with this drunk, serial cheater. 

That does not sound very self aware at all. God does not say anywhere is the bible that you are supposed to stay with a woman like this. 

Frankly, you sound like a codependent super weak man. 

Brother, file for divorce and let her go, and start a new life. You simply must see that it is silly for you to stay with her...


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'll confess, when someone spends that much time laying the foundation by telling us how wonderful they are, I'm a bit skeptical. If your wife is that badd, you don't have to butter us up by praising yourself this much.


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> If you are so self aware, then why are you still with this drunk, serial cheater.
> 
> That does not sound very self aware at all. God does not say anywhere is the bible that you are supposed to stay with a woman like this.
> 
> ...



Well, we had ongoing weekly sessions with a christian marriage counselor who did not believe in divorce. He made some great points, it may have colored off a little bit on me. I also don't like to have the state involved to enforce a situation which 2 adults should be able to handle on their own. I hate wasting money on legal fees, spending time & resources traveling to court appointments on top of involving state workers in my life, going to parenting classes etc. I had also just lost my job at that point and didn't possibly see how I could deal with all these aspects on top of a new job search while being an emotional wreck. This all goes back to 2014...

So, I weight out my options back in 2014 as far becoming a single dad and took many points into consideration incl. the trauma it may have caused to my children at early age, financial aspects etc. I was also very much emotionally affected at that point and overwhelmed just by the thought of being alone without any nearby family or support system and having to deal now with every single aspects of the children's needs incl. nutrition, hygiene, more household chores, school, doctor appointments etc. 

Further, the marriage wasn't always as horrific as originally described. There are/were times when we'd get along just fine and looked & acted like a normal fam. So I tried to stay positive and reinforce those positive aspects believing that God would eventually show me the right path. 

Now I am seeing things a bit different but trying to reach a reasonable solution with her as far as all divorce points w/ kids are concerned. Are there codependency issues on both ends? Sure there are. I am not finding it easy to kick someone who I have known and practically lived with for 20 years to the curb from one day to another.


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I'll confess, when someone spends that much time laying the foundation by telling us how wonderful they are, I'm a bit skeptical. If your wife is that badd, you don't have to butter us up by praising yourself this much.



I haven't always been this way throughout the whole marriage either. It obviously takes 2 to Tango. There has been fault and wrong doing on my end too, I surely admit to that but at least I tried and put significant effort into bettering myself and have grown and still growing to become this person that I am describing to you. I mentioned that I had overcome addiction and overweight issues myself and successfully went from being a person who would to eat McDees daily to a person who now walks several miles a day and enjoys a more healthy / vegan type lifestyle. I am not trying to fabricate lies or self-market here to win your compassion. My apologies if you think that I went overboard praising myself trying to convince you that I am not a bad person.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

tampa99 said:


> Well, we had ongoing weekly sessions with a christian marriage counselor who did not believe in divorce. He made some great points, it may have colored off a little bit on me. I also don't like to have the state involved to enforce a situation which 2 adults should be able to handle on their own. I hate wasting money on legal fees, spending time & resources traveling to court appointments on top of involving state workers in my life, going to parenting classes etc. I had also just lost my job at that point and didn't possibly see how I could deal with all these aspects on top of a new job search while being an emotional wreck. This all goes back to 2014...
> 
> So, I weight out my options back in 2014 as far becoming a single dad and took many points into consideration incl. the trauma it may have caused to my children at early age, financial aspects etc. I was also very much emotionally affected at that point and overwhelmed just by the thought of being alone without any nearby family or support system and having to deal now with every single aspects of the children's needs incl. nutrition, hygiene, more household chores, school, doctor appointments etc.
> 
> ...


I get that you are starting to figure things out. 

But, look at this post. It is full of nothing but weak excuses as to why you stayed with a drunk serial cheater. Now, I am not trying to condemn you, lots of us have made these same mistakes. 

It is important that you understand your PAST mistakes for what they really are, excuses. You allowed yourself to be fearful of divorcing your wife, and in doing that you allowed yourself to be disrespected time and time again. 

This behavior you need to identify and stop, NOW. 

Now, let's talk about the kids/kid. All of your fears of the damage that divorce will do are completely and totally unfounded. 

This is why, the kids actually understand what is happening, they know that something is wrong. You think you are being a hero by keeping the family together, but you are actually doing the opposite. 

By allowing yourself and your kids to stay in this dysfunctional situation, you are allowing them to think that this dysfunction is actually normal and it is something that they will repeat later in life unless you put a stop to it, NOW. 

Think I am wrong, sorry, I have lived it. It was wrong of me to do it and it is wrong of you. 

Further, your weakness is showing your children that it is OK to be a doormat. It is not. YOUR codependency, not your wife's (she is not codependent, she is a drunk serial cheater), is setting a bad example for your child. 

Now for the counselor, the Christian Counselor, totally and completely ill equipped and unable to deal with infidelity, and addiction. 

In general, almost every single well meaning Christian counselor or pastor, are almost by definition unable to handle these types of things. I have seen it a million times. 

They mean well, they want to help, but they cannot. They want to keep the marriage together, and YOU actually have no marriage to keep together. 

When your wife cheated the FIRST TIME your marriage was over. Now if she was just a drunk, or is she just cheated one time, maybe you could work things out. 

With this situation, there is nothing to work out. 

What I am trying to get you to do, is break out of the weak and misguided thinking that you have been engaging in. This thinking is INCORRECT. While it is what a lot of people think, it is not the way to handle these things. 

Now, whatever you have been reading to become so self-aware, maybe it is good stuff, maybe not.

But it is not taking you to the level of being a healthy, strong, well adjusted male. Maybe you read it with the wrong mindset, or the wrong basic understanding, but somehow those attitudes need to change. 

You are a fairly stable guy who loves his child. You deserve better that what you are getting. You deserve to have an EQUAL partner in life that actually loves your and your kids. 

You cannot fix her and you never will, it is time to move on...


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

tampa99 said:


> I am a college educated, knowledgeable, hard working, faithful and religious man in his early 40s who truly loves his 2 small children and wants the best for them. I am working hard towards my children's future (they are currently in elementary school) by trying to fulfill all their needs whether financial, educational, physical, health, social, mental, nutritional etc. It is my ultimate goal to launch 2 happy, healthy and properly educated adults into this world who can make it on their own in the long run. I want to provide everything that I can and more to see my children succeed in their future life. My children's future and well-being is my absolute top priority if not my #1 goal in life at this stage.
> 
> Currently, I am in a situation where I am in between contracts as well and while continuously applying for jobs and interviewing for full time work I am currently working very long hours making minimum wage while driving Uber/Lyft. Frankly. I also do enjoy this line of work and it helps to put some quick food on the table, put gas in my car and work towards paying bills. One at a time. I feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
> 
> ...


Clearly you already tolerated it too long.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Just the affairs alone are MORE than enough reason to get this horrid woman out of your life. Stop making excuses and get a plan together to get out of this marriage. You and your kids will be better off.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

tampa99 said:


> I am not really sure how much longer I will be able to tolerate this. I often drive away and start doing Uber after an argument and when I check my messages later I notice a message from her saying something like: "I have nobody, I have nothing. I am alone. Please come home" then eventually I need to go back home since my kids need me and I have no other place to go and I just smile at her and she smiles back, we hug it out real quick and life goes on... how pathetic is my life, huh?


I read through your list and by the time I got to #6 I was thinking that your W is probably disordered and likely bi-polar...see if you can get her tested. She isn't going to get better without meds.

But regardless, to get to the nitty gritty of it, I'm not really sure why you have tolerated this so long. She is clearly a hot mess that isn't remotely marriage material.

Hit "eject" already and get out.

Oh yeah...and you are co-dependent and need some help. You might start here: https://al-anon.org/


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Hi @tampa99, as I started reading your post, my initial thoughts were: "wow, this guy thinks and speaks very highly of himself", as you tooted your horn for 5 paragraphs. Then, you ripped your wife a new one in the next 11 paragraphs.

Okay, yes, your wife sounds a little on the immature side with covering her head and saying "I'm not listening". But, you squirt her with water or another "safe fluid"?! Come on, that's what I do to my dogs when they misbehave. Walking away is the thing that should be done, and if your kids are there, take them with you, as no child should have to bear witness to something like that. If she follows you, screaming, calmly tell her that fighting in front of the kids isn't healthy. Put your kids in a room with some toys or entertainment, and then finish your conversation.

As to financials, that's very nice of you to give her older children birthday/Christmas gifts, but if you cannot afford it, don't do it. Explain to your wife why, and have her explain it to her older children. Your wife doesn't contribute because as you've said, she doesn't have steady income. If that's a problem, she needs to get even a part time job to contribute to making ends meet. Tell her you're feeling the stress, and that you guys need to start working together, or you will need to start the act of downsizing.

If your wife is an alcoholic, get her some help. Also get yourself into meetings for spouses on how to handle alcoholic spouses. This probably also contributes to her lack of job.

I'm sorry, I stopped reading after point #6. It sounds like your wife needs some help in dealing with alcoholism, the kids, time management skills, and just life skills. This help is readily available where you live, just get on Google to search it out. I think you also need to come down off of your high horse a little bit, as in one breath, you slam your wife, and in the other, you pump yourself up. If I had a husband like that (and I did, in fact), that wouldn't sit well with me. In my former marriage, I couldn't do/think/remember anything right, and he often said that he was perfect and had a photographic memory. It ended up making me feel like a piece of garbage for much of my marriage. So, step of your self-made pedestal, go help your wife, and be her soft place to fall instead of being so against her.

Okay, I just read the last bits of your post, and that's awful that your wife has had affairs. I'm sorry that you've gone through that; that's all kinds of wrong in my books. I think that if it were me in your position, I would separate. Neither of you guys are happy, so it doesn't make sense to stay together.


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

Ok... I am in the car and having difficulties with replying to each and one of you who responded. .... yeah....thank you soo much for the reality check. I get it now.

This also feels way different now than 4 yrs back. I am just no longer scared I guess....the hard parts are still ahead though. ....currently in the process of trying to get an appointment with my lawyer....


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> It is important that you understand your PAST mistakes for what they really are, excuses. You allowed yourself to be fearful of divorcing your wife, and in doing that you allowed yourself to be disrespected time and time again.
> 
> This behavior you need to identify and stop, NOW.



Among the other things you wrote, I really found this part to be golden. Thanks for that.


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

Ursula said:


> Hi @tampa99 If your wife is an alcoholic, get her some help. Also get yourself into meetings for spouses on how to handle alcoholic spouses. This probably also contributes to her lack of job.


a, we have no money right now, $350 behind on this months rent, $100 car payment not paid yet and $180 electricity bill disconnect notice if not paid by yesterday 5PM. I am just waiting for the disconnect any minute now, it may actually take the electricity company a few days. 

b, I consider her social media addiction significantly more severe actually than alcohol, pot, xanax etc. since its consuming soo much of her time

c, she is in complete denial and refuses any type of significant change from her end. I kindly tried to ask her to log the amount of time she spends on her cellphone/facebook etc. for her own reference... If I mention stuff like that, she jumps on immediate defense and goes off on me. 

d, I even found my wife a real cool gig today. One of my passengers mentioned to me that the company she is working for was hiring. It's a fairly prestige, established organization. My passenger even functioned as a referral and gave me her private info etc. She said it was one of the coolest gigs she ever worked at and she happened to be a freelance writer as well, just like the wifey. 

It was a part-time office job, WALKING distance from home with flexible hours, $10/h base salary + commission. I even filled out the application for her online and left her phone number. They called her within minutes since she qualified. 

Next, I got a sms from my wife cussing me out over that. How dare I submit her resume to jobs she considers herself overqualified for. It's almost like my wife seems traumatized just by the thought of returning to work and this is only part-time from 10 til 3 while kids are in school. 

This is causing me severe discomfort because this is an excellent opportunity for her to get out of the house while kids are in school, make some money, local friends, co-workers while getting her foot in the door with a very reputable company. 

She doesn't want to hear it. She has no interest in checking it out. Here is part of her response:

"Stop badgering me. It's not up to you what I do. I am not your indentured servant. I am not following your rules. You want me out, this is simple. Get me a bank account, a place and a car. If you don't stop harassing me, my attorney is going to call the police, you must stop immediately. Trust me you will save money in the long run for the same outcome 50-50 parenting and divorce"

I informed her that I will be working towards rent and car payment next and that I wanted her to deal with the electricity bill:

Her response:
"I am not a magician. I can't pull money out of a hat. You are not being reasonable. I would be happy to have a discussion about my employment status but I am not your punching bag. Your 24 hour notices to get a job, get out or else in not reasonable. FL law agrees with me"

Note: I never said anything about "get out or else". I just want her to at least walk or take a 1 minute Uber to this Job Interview.


In the meantime, my wife has made plans for tomorrow (she is planning on participating in some sort of pro-bono documentary and is of course asking for the car and gas money and basically she wants me to take off from my work so she can pursue this event. My wife is fully aware of our financial situation. 

I weight out my options, I am actually considering letting her go to this event. Why? 

Not because I want to considering the bills etc. but I already know the outcome if I don't agree to this. She will turn my already miserable life and the kids life into verbal and emotional living hell for at least the next 3 days. I won't get to hear the end of it why I should have just let her go and of course there will be complete disregard of kids presence when she will go off on me. 


If anyone has any better idea or advice ... please feel free.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Yeah, I have an idea. 

Get your car, and the kids and move somewhere and let her get evicted. 

Do you have anywhere you can go, at all? 

She is completely nuts...


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

Unfortunately not. I have no place to go. I have no form of support system and my immediate family lives 1000s of miles away overseas. She refuses to get passports for the kids. For obvious reasons my family and my wife do not get along at all which makes it also really difficult whenever grandparents come to visit their grandchildren. It always requires special accommodations which adds to my stress level. The landlord is not going to evict us over $350 either. There are only couple months left on this lease which are practically paid for via 2 mo initial security deposit. On top of that I am trying to schedule a visit with my attorney this week and I got 2 more job interviews lined up. I am not trying to be a doormat here but I think I am just going to put some gas in the car and let her do her thing for several hours just to prevent days in hell for kids and myself. She'll end up retaliating by doing even less and I am already running circles. 

My bigger challenge is to figure out how to go about building a person like her back up without any type of authorities involved. Meaning that, I am obviously concerned about her future well being in terms of job, finances, ability to form a steady relationship etc. I have no intentions in pursuing full custody and I need her to be able to support herself within an area which is safe and secure and not low income housing such as a trailer park. I put some thought into this and I am tending towards moving us into a community complex with i.e. 2 x 2 BR apartments in close proximity to my next 9 til 5 job while initiating 1st steps of separation. I did the math based on future $4k/mo income and after adding all monthly expenses associated with these apartments and all our other expenses, I am back to just barely getting by if I go with this decision. Any thoughts?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Listen, I spent 26 years of my life taking care of a woman as crazy as your wife. 

I raised 3 kids by myself and took care of her. I was a fool, and you are being one as well. 

You cannot fix her, she has been this way and the only thing you can do is walk away. 

You know when I figured this out, when I had a freaking stroke from all the pressure of this BS. 

Listen, you have to get out and get your kids away from her if at all possible. I know what I am talking about. Since you are such a nice doormat, you are actually enabling he drinking and he behavior. 

You know what happened when I divorce my wife, she got sober and got a freaking job. 

You are harming your children by keeping them in this environment, I know I did it too. 

You have to get out and away from her...


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

I agree with you and I thank you for sharing and being upfront about this and not beating around the bush. It's no longer a matter of "should" anymore for me it's just a matter of finding the best way to go about it considering all circumstances. Bottom-line this is the last 2 1/2 months now of us living together in this home. After that we are going our separate ways and I am sincerely hoping that I can talk some sense into her as far as seeking employment and income is concerned. I have no intentions of continuing this current pretend happy family husband and wife situation. Time will tell and my lawyer better have some sound legal input. Time to drive. Thanks again!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like your current income level might be low enough that you and your entire family could quality for food stamps (EBT) and perhaps some financial assistance. Your children should be able to get on Medicaid and maybe even you and your wife could. Doing this would help you right now. And, if you take your wife to the welfare office to qualify, it might help to make her realize that there is a huge problem.


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## tampa99 (Sep 16, 2018)

Kids got their own insurance. We got enough food. I am inches away from my next 9-5 job. My wife has a Bachelors. She just needs to go out there, find a line of work she wants to pursue and start getting back on her feet. Main problem is that she just doesn't want to. You are also not going to be able to drag her to any welfare office even with 10 horses. We never got food-stamps or whatever and I almost brought in 6 figures last year... not with Uber obviously. Times are tough right now but I am mainly trying to figure out if she will come along to the lawyers office and we'll make this a quick divorce or if she will be super stubborn on issues and I will have to serve her with papers etc. ... I guess we'll see how things progress.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tampa99 said:


> Kids got their own insurance. We got enough food. I am inches away from my next 9-5 job. My wife has a Bachelors. She just needs to go out there, find a line of work she wants to pursue and start getting back on her feet. Main problem is that she just doesn't want to. You are also not going to be able to drag her to any welfare office even with 10 horses. We never got food-stamps or whatever and I almost brought in 6 figures last year... not with Uber obviously.


What your earned last year does not count if you no longer have any savings or enough income. If your kids have their own insurance, someone is paying for it... you or some gov agency. 



tampa99 said:


> Times are tough right now but *I am mainly trying to figure out if she will come along to the lawyers office and we'll make this a quick divorce* or if she will be super stubborn on issues and I will have to serve her with papers etc. ... I guess we'll see how things progress.


Um, she'd be a fool to use the same lawyer you are using... unless he/she is a mediator.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

tampa99 said:


> a, we have no money right now, $350 behind on this months rent, $100 car payment not paid yet and $180 electricity bill disconnect notice if not paid by yesterday 5PM. I am just waiting for the disconnect any minute now, it may actually take the electricity company a few days.
> 
> b, I consider her social media addiction significantly more severe actually than alcohol, pot, xanax etc. since its consuming soo much of her time
> 
> ...


Well, it's not really up to you to actually apply for jobs for your wife, so while she really does need to do something to contribute, I don't really agree with the steps you took. Good for you for voicing that you're working on 2/3 bills over the next month, and giving her the responsibility for the other one. No, she's not a magician, which is why a job would be good. As for her pro-bono documentary plans that will take the car and a day off work for you, that's a no-no. If that were my spouse, and they couldn't contribute, they would have zero rights to tell me to take the day off work so they can have the car. If she goes off on you, take the kids and leave the house. Go for a walk until she calms down, or take the kids to the park. Tell her you're not talking to her until she can talk calmly. Put her on ignore if she yells. Sorry that my initial advice wasn't up to par for you to the point where you requested better advice from others. I'm also sorry that you're in this situation. Personally, I see only 1 way (divorce) to remedy this, but that's up to you.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Um, she'd be a fool to use the same lawyer you are using... unless he/she is a mediator.


Even if the lawyer IS a mediator, she'd still be a fool. And, if the lawyer is worth their weight in salt, they wouldn't take you both on simultaneously. My ex husband and I didn't have kids, we had a prenup, and it was what was considered an "easy divorce". We went the collaborative (mediation) route, and we both still required separate lawyers. Maybe that's just a Canadian thing though…?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

" My wife has had many affairs over the past. The worst one lasted almost a year and I had to quit a $4,000/mo job because she was bringing her lover into our home around my children while I was working 9 til 5. My wifes last affair includes sexual acts with a much much younger female lover which she was broad casting to certain individuals over social medial. 

9. My wife is in denial of an STD which she carries and which has prevented me from performing oral sex on her in the past 3 or 4 years. "

WHAT -- WHY have you put up with this? You shoudl have booted her the first time you found this out.
I hope you have ALL of this documented (if you don't DO IT NOW) -- you need to use this to make sure that you get full custody of your children.

You have no money, and no job, so SHE won't get anything either and will have to get her own job/worrying about herself -- NOT your job to do anymore. She def has issues and since YOU can't get her to address them, maybe the Divorce will get her to see it herself. You need to protect your self and your children. Let her figure out how to fend for herself.


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