# D-Day was 2 days ago



## birmingham (Dec 4, 2013)

When you found out about your WS A, how quickly did you and your WS have a "talk"? I stayed home sick from work yesterday and wasn't feeling up to talk but he hasn't brought anything up either. It's almost as if it didn't happen. He confessed 2 days ago and then we haven't said anything else. When I'm feeling better I expect to talk to him more about how I feel but it seems he's avoiding the whole conversation. I've read the "180" List, i believe it's called, and I"m not pushing anything at this point. I also am too emotionally drained to make an effort.

All I can think is how surreal this all is.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Sorry you are here. Don't be surprised if he never talk about it. My WW doesn't ever feel the need to discuss or bring up the subject. It is as if she never ddid anything wrong. When I ale a comment about doing something wrong she looks at me like she doesn't understand the language I am speaking. She has so easily compartmentalized (or so she claims) that she really doesn't seem affected by anything. Last night was the first time that I have seen her even really show emotion (after nearly 18 months since d-day) and I find it hard to not believe it is because she feels shame for being caught and not for what she did (she seems to not care so much that she hurt and betrayed, but more that she is labeled a cheater and by many a ****, which is too hard for her ego to take I guess).

Good luck, and read some of the books suggested on here like, 5 Love languages, After the Affair, and Not Just Friends to name a few.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If the WS refuses to talk about it, then there's no point in staying with them.

When I found out, he avoided me all day and pretended that nothing happened. I played along because I didn't want to freak in front of the kids. Once we were alone that evening, I laid into him and kicked him out. We did not talk other than thru emails for almost 3 months.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

He most likely feels that the confession was enough and doesnt need to say any more about it.

Dont let this get swept under the rug, you two need to talk about this in order to take the next step of D or R.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Janky said:


> He most likely feels that the confession was enough and doesnt need to say any more about it.
> 
> Dont let this get swept under the rug, you two need to talk about this in order to take the next step of D or R.


Yes, the next time you bring it up you might get "I said I'm sorry, what more can I do?" or something like that. There's lots more he can do, as a random browse through the CWI forum will show.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Sorry you are here. 

Has he stopped all contact? 

Has he given you access to his phone, his computer?

Did he confess or did you catch him? 

Has he written a letter for you to see telling the OW that she is gone for good?

Did he use protection? or does he need to be tested for stds?

It seems like I still think about her cheating every day. 

I hope you both go to counseling. (and I hope he likes to read to help you-not just friends, and how to help your spouse heal from your affair)


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

I'm sorry you're here. Just about a month ago I experienced D-Day...and he trickles when it comes to the truth. I'm still finding out things as recent as last night. Take the time you need to come out of the shock you're in now. Post here. There are wonderful people with great advice that really provided perspective and got me thinking. Its still a roller coaster for me and will be for awhile, but just take things one day at a time. Make sure you're eating everyday.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

How old are you two?

How long have you been married? Any issues in the past?

Have kids?

You said you stayed home from work - do you both work and make decent wages?

Is his xaffair partner someone you know? Does she work with him? Is she married? 

You need to ask a whole lot of questions if you want to give him an opportunity to remain married to you. 

Don't make any hasty decisions. And you might want to consider taking more time to consider your options - but first you need to gather your wits and prepare yourself mentally for the hell that will consume you for the next months.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Gosh, quite was never something I practiced when I found out. I made him sit and tell me everything, over and over and over. We fought for months... Not saying its the way to go at all... But I was damned if I was going let him be quite anymore after what he put me thur the past year prior. 

~sammy


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

No WS wants to talk about it. Who wants to talk about when they screwed up if they don't have to.

You need to tell your husband that YOU want to talk about it. You drive that conversation when you are ready. 

If at that point he doesn't want to talk about it, you have a problem, but you won't know until you try.

-Gabe


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