# Husband supports cheating friends...why?



## BettyBoopJD (Jul 18, 2007)

Should I be worried that my significant other of 4 years has close friends that cheat on their wives and girlfriends? His friends confide in him and he supports their actions because he claims that it is their own business. However, he tells he that he does not believe in it himself. His own father has cheated on his mother. I am afraid that he since he does not speak out against these acts, that it is not truly an important moral/value of his, however he claims that what is good and works for some couples does not work for others and that he himself does not believe in cheating. Can someone be close to people who cheat, but not believe in cheating? If so, why would he not want to preach to them about their "bad" behavior? Should I be worried?


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

If he starts preaching to them about their behaviour your husband is going to have a short list of friends. 

He's breaking code by tell you about what his friends do anyway. Just respect the fact that he doesnt believe in it and let him handle his friends in his own way.

Save ya some headaches.



John


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You are maybe confusing support with tolerance which makes it two very diferent things.

btw, how many times are you going to post this?


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## 1st2MakeIt (Jul 14, 2009)

You are really just going to have to trust your husband.

My SO also has friends that cheat on their wives and I spent a lot of wasted time arguing with him about their actions and him being their friend and thinking that he too would follow in their footsteps.

I eventually came to realize that it isnt about his friends, its about his mentality. If he was going to cheat, he was going to do it whether his group of friends did it or not. 

My SO doesnt condone cheating but he does see how things can progress to that point in relationships. After stepping back and looking myself, I too began to see how things can progress to that level. I eventually quit focusing on the cheating friends and focused more on maintaining a healthy, honest, happy relationship with the man Im in love with. 

Trust your husband until he gives you a valid reason to do otherwise. Good luck.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

hmmm...trust but verify!


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

I have a friend that cheats and his wife doesn't even deserve it, my wife does deserve it and I don't cheat.

What I mean by "deserve it" in regards to cheating, is if there are factors in the relationship that make cheating necessary or otherwise acceptable to the offending person.

Like your husband, I too don't take cheating lightly because my Dad did it to my Mom and I disliked the affect it had on my Mom.
I am not against or above it personally either, because I believe that given the right circumstances I concede to it's being a viable option to divorce. 

I think that as long as you are taking care of your man though, you should be fine and have nothing to worry about.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

To me, it depends on what you mean by "supports them". Do you mean he drives them around, or schedules the hook-ups, or relays messages back and forth so the wife doesn't find out? Does he cheer them on and give them high-fives every time they "get some"

Or do you mean, he listens to their stupid stories and doesn't say anything? 

That's a guy thing. He probably HAS said something once or twice. But after that, it's not his life. He just keeps his mouth shut and rather not get involved. I had a buddy that cheated, and I basically told him once that he was dumbass. I said I'll keep my mouth shut, but not for him, but because I don't want to get in the drama, and never to ask me to help him out with it. And I left it right there.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

So dont girls talk ? just because he knows his friends cheat doesnt mean he approves !!

I know my wife has a friend who is in the middle of seeing another man and i know it tears her apart knowing this information it doesnt mean she approves ..

At the end of the day as much as its not right people have to make there own lifes


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

GPR said:


> To me, it depends on what you mean by "supports them". Do you mean he drives them around, or schedules the hook-ups, or relays messages back and forth so the wife doesn't find out? Does he cheer them on and give them high-fives every time they "get some"
> 
> Or do you mean, he listens to their stupid stories and doesn't say anything?
> 
> That's a guy thing. .



:iagree:


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

preso said:


> :iagree:


:iagree:

Us guys don't get into each others personal lives except superficially at best, and that's reserved only for guys we really care about, best friends and the like.

My cheating friend's Wife is so nice and feeds us all and everything but his and her's relationship is none of my business either way, good or bad.

I think this is the same reason Soaps aren't marketed towards "men", we just don't care about other peoples drama, period.


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## elattoo (Jul 4, 2009)

I like GPR's advice for the most part. However, at some point, isn't there an obligation to come clean, for the sake of the spouse being cheated on? I get that this is a really tough thing to do and may cost you a friend or two. So, proceed with caution. But, consider that the other spouse is in danger of catching a disease or that the girlfriend gets prego. Then you throw in there the fact that the other spouse is plugging away in this marriage all the time not knowing that he's getting his kicks on the side? It's just disturbing to sit there (carmaenforcer) and let your friend's wife serve you and cook for you, knowing what you know and being ok with it all. And those who say "what works for them..." Can you really say live and let live here, when it's not like they came up with this idea and agreed upon it as a working solution to their marital issues. Call me old fashioned...I think your hubby needs to talk with his buddy.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

elattoo said:


> I like GPR's advice for the most part. However, at some point, isn't there an obligation to come clean, for the sake of the spouse being cheated on? I get that this is a really tough thing to do and may cost you a friend or two. So, proceed with caution. But, consider that the other spouse is in danger of catching a disease or that the girlfriend gets prego. Then you throw in there the fact that the other spouse is plugging away in this marriage all the time not knowing that he's getting his kicks on the side? It's just disturbing to sit there (carmaenforcer) and let your friend's wife serve you and cook for you, knowing what you know and being ok with it all. And those who say "what works for them..." Can you really say live and let live here, when it's not like they came up with this idea and agreed upon it as a working solution to their marital issues. Call me old fashioned...I think your hubby needs to talk with his buddy.



It depends on the relationships honestly, but for the most part, No, you just don't go around tattling on people.

If I was very good friends with the wife, I would tell her, but if I was that close to the wife, the Husband probably wouldn't have told me in the first place. Like I said, I don't like to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong. I usually won't give too many opinions unless I'm asked for them. 

It's not my job to be "marriage police" and go around town telling all the wives every time their husband is out screwing around or vis-versa. Why should I be the one that has to be the bad guy and break the news to her. What if she doesn't even believe me (it could happen), he comes home and has good enough stories to cover his ass... then they're still together, they both hate me, and now I'm the town homewrecker.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

This is a tough one because it's a moral issue either way you look at it and depends on your relationships and personal sensitivities.
Instilled morals may guide your urge to "do the right thing" and that can mean, point out the infidelity no matter the perpetrator or you just don't rat, period.
I personally come from a culture in which "you just don't rat" and luckily I agree with this perspective for the most part.

I think I would like for my friend, or anyone, to tell me if they know that my woman was doing me wrong, but I don't know.

It's a tough one.


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