# 10 months.....



## rangerman (Jun 18, 2013)

it is now 10 months since me and my wife last had sex and before that was 2 times last year. right now she on her "monthly" so of course have to ride that thing out. But i have these thoughts running through my mind of after that then what..... we are going on vacation in 3 weeks to the beach so i am hoping if not before vacation at least vacation to get a chance. last time we was on vacation and at a beach, she told me she wasn't interested/not in mood. So i have that thought running in my mind on how i would react if i hear that again!!!!


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Really 3 weeks on a beach and not interested in sex.....maybe you should save the money and just stay home. Sorry I think you need to have a serious talk with her befor you leave for vacation of what your expectations are. :-( sexless is not one of them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

You should do what I do "no vacations" until I am satisfied we are back on track... otherwise they are a waste of money.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Once again I just do not get it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Your wife has withheld sex from you for 10 months and you're rewarding her with a vacation? Good for her! I wonder how many times she would need to kick you in the family jewels to get a new car?

Seriously. Go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and read the books.

Good luck.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Sad - another cake eating wife. I have one of those too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

That's messed up. Does she give any explanation for no sex for 10 months? Aside from 'I'm on my period'.


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## carltoncl (Jun 24, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> Your wife has withheld sex from you for 10 months and you're rewarding her with a vacation? Good for her! I wonder how many times she would need to kick you in the family jewels to get a new car?
> 
> Seriously. Go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and read the books.
> 
> Good luck.


Took the words out of my mouth. Man up, cancel the vacation, tell her you will reschedule it when things get back on track. Stay firm, be a man about it, express yourself plainly and frankly. What she does is not acceptable.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Sad, I had a wife who used sex as a bartering tool or at least tried to but it was actually not that great with her and I could have more fun in the shower with Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters.

Adopt same principle and explain what you find acceptable as an amount of sex, twice in a year, holy cow I get pizzy if I don't get it twice in a week!!!!

How does she express her want/need/desire for sex?

Or she doesn't.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Trying2figureitout said:


> You should do what I do "no vacations" until I am satisfied we are back on track... otherwise they are a waste of money.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is one of those things that drives me crazy. So many threads where the guys wife is either cheating or withholding sex (or both) but he's still setting up vacations and acting like everything is OK.

I would NEVER go on a vacation with my wife if she withheld sex for the better part of a year, unless it was for true medical reason, etc.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I wouldn't be taking her to McDonalds and certainly not on vacation. 10 months of withholding? Whatever she's getting out of his marriage (probably financial security) needs to be taken down to the barest trickle.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You are a nice guy. Women subconsciously don't like that. They like guys that are more alpha male, take no crap, initiate and make things happen. Otherwise, you get used, and walked over.

No sex for 10 months and you gave her a vacation?

Ummmm, are you nuts?

No sex for 10 months = she goes to the Dr. and gets her hormones checked and meds might be required.

Is she seeing someone else? Sexting, EA?

Your wife married you, supposedly loves you and should want to meet your needs and that's sexually. She isn't doing this and doesn't seem to care how it effects you.

Have the talk with her and get the divorce papers ready. This might get her to clue in and start being a loving wife or it might do nothing and you might as well move on.

But please don't cater to her. You are rewarding her bad behavior!!!


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

My H complains about twice a week... I am not perfect. I am a WS (never again!!) but this seems almost as devastating as cheating. 10 months? Why? This is ABNORMAL. I want to slap her, and then shake you! Tell her, man.. tell her you expect some a$*, and not limp dead woman a%* some serious stuff happening on vacay, or it'll be the last one!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why aren't you sleeping together? Seriously.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

rangerman said:


> it is now 10 months since me and my wife last had sex and before that was 2 times last year. right now she on her "monthly" so of course have to ride that thing out. But i have these thoughts running through my mind of after that then what..... we are going on vacation in 3 weeks to the beach so i am hoping if not before vacation at least vacation to get a chance. last time we was on vacation and at a beach, she told me she wasn't interested/not in mood. So i have that thought running in my mind on how i would react if i hear that again!!!!


"Right now she is on her monthly".....what, her 10 monthly??

What kind of vacation is that? Save you money, cancel the trip or sell it....that would suck for 3 weeks, with her never in the mood.

Funny...my girlfriend is from Bali. The family wants us to come visit, but the culture over there insists that in order for us to share a bed, we must be married or engaged....otherwise, I'm in one house, she's in the next. We live together here, and they are all quite aware. That to me is no vacation. Needless to say, I am not going anywhere on vacation where I can't have sex with my significant other.

Have you talked to her about this? Remind her about the last time, and really, find out what her problem with sex is. Has it always been bad, but gotten worse with time? What's up?


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Just go on vacation by yourself. You will have a better time, I guarantee you.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Youi take these opportunities to stand up to her... look at it this way you aren't getting sex anyhow so now is the time to set her straight and educate her. I have no problem calling my wife out on behaviors when she is in a no sex time frame.

Use it (no sex) to you advantage rather than tip toeing around hoping for sex.

Really... use this time wisely. Don't waste the opportunity.

There should be two states for every husband:

You getting enough regular sex: Acceptable
You not getting sex: Unacceptable and need to educate and stand up to wife to make it uncomfortable on he to remain in a sexless state.

Think lab rat and aversion/reward experiments. Wives are no different.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I kind of disagree with the idea of bartering (or directly tying) vacation for sex. If you think things are bad now wait for the excrement to hit the ventilator when the 'talk' goes bad.

Before any action is taken the root cause must be determined. To avoid costly MC simply answer to Dr. John's basic question: stupid or evil, how much of each?

If it is stupid, ie she does not see her behavior as way out of whack, the talk may work and the vacation may work too. 

If it is evil the talk will not likely work (just validation that her strategy is working) and you might as well not bother with the vacation.

Remember that the words evil and stupid are used in a figurative, not literal, sense.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

You tie vacations to how they were when you had a sex life that was acceptable and NOT an ongoing never-ending ISSUE.

Men have little in the way without being perceived as a total jerk to get a message across firmly. By "withholding" mutually shared vacations that somewhat equates to how "withholding" sex feels in essence letting her feel some of how it feels to have something withheld, also making it "not normal" I love to travel and love to vacation but in order to prove a point I am willing to sacrifice that joy to give her some of the same pain I feel... in an acceptable way without being perceived as a total jerk in the eyes of everyone.

I don't restrict my wife or kids from vacationing just no big together family ones with me until this fully resolves.

You can play it off with the very same lame excuses, its too much money, cant get time off blah blah blah.


At least the airline miles are piling up. Way up.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If the diagnosis is stupid, withholding the vacation via some off the wall excuse to make a point could be done after the talk is held and no common understanding comes out of it. If something comes out of the talk a vacation could be a good starting point to fix things (or an awesome opportunity to prove things can't be fixed).

If the diagnosis is evil withholding the vacation would be the natural thing to do, without an off the wall excuse. Be honest. We're not talking mumbling an excuse but brutally honest. We're not going because.....


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Its basically again making the marriage unacceptable... so it resolves under its own weight of being ridiculous.

I use all tools at my disposal to affect the needed change. Its an experiment like you say one in which we have plenty of time to affect permanent change in a timeframe shorter that iof it were to resolve a DECADE or more later.

Look at most of the lightbulb goes off in wife head resolutions they are 10,15, 20 years later... NO THANKS

My wife has *4 years*.

Constant guiding towards "normal" by making the sexless marriage years unacceptable.

It works. Over time. Educate her like in college over that 4 years. It took me 4 times to pass a high level calculus class I hated but I did it and eventually understood it and felt it was not that hard afterwards..because I had to for my degree.

Set a time frame and stick with it. People change when they have to and when they WANT to.
Take the highroad that is how battles are won.

OLD----4 years---NEW----Death


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Drive by poster.

Anyway, did you say she cheated on you before? And she doesn't want sex with you? And you buy her vacations. Sorry, she just isn't into you. She doesn't love you. You're plan B. Why are you still there? What do you think that says about how you value yourself?


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## rangerman (Jun 18, 2013)

the vacation is a family trip more less. um....with her i have no clue what to do. as i stated before, she cheated on me years ago one time...one time only and haven't done it again. we are a church going family and we have 2 kids so the divorce thing is kinda aqward situation in itself. times i want to cry in frustration but i can't. and sad thing is i had a dream early this moring about us having sex and as embarrassing as this is....it was a "wet dream" so to speak cause i did wake up feeling me shoot my load (haha) in my shorts and yet my hands was out of the covers so....i don't know on that part. but seriously, i am at an almost total loss


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> ......Set a time frame and *stick with it*. People change when they have to and when they WANT to.
> Take the highroad that is how battles are won.
> 
> OLD----4 years---NEW----Death


I enjoy the humor; but many new readers won't get the joke. What was it, first some number of months, then your plan was one year, now it is 4 years and or now are you saying you will declare success at death? (didn't you already declare victory?):sleeping:


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Drive by poster.
> 
> Anyway, did you say she cheated on you before? And she doesn't want sex with you? And you buy her vacations. Sorry, she just isn't into you. She doesn't love you. You're plan B. Why are you still there? What do you think that says about how you value yourself?


Having our guy in the position is probably 30-50% of her ego foundation.

The entire thing that she is doing is made bigger as a result of having our guy in the foot stool position.

Remove the footstool, talking about it won't do it.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

You're a church goer. That's a problem. Sorry, I'm an atheist here. I just don't get the "GOD" thing. Having said that, what does your religion say about sex and marriage? Doesn't it say that the husbands body belongs to the wife and the wifes body belongs to the husband? Isn't she disobeying God?


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