# my wife and I have started talking about R but not sure how to proceed



## onelovingdad (Mar 25, 2012)

Well my wife and I have started talking about R but we are not sure about how to go about it other then going slowly. There has been alot of trust lost and hurt. We are planning on building this slowly and seeing how things go. I honestly believe that the best thing I can do for my kids (at least the ones by her) is to love their mother. So other then going slowly what are some of ya'lls suggestions? What is the proper way to go about this. I told her we have to build it this time first and foremost for each other because otherwise it's just prob going to fail. That was one of my personal mistakes last time. I put my oldest daughter above her and that caused alot of jealously between them. Many ppl say that that's the way it should be but idts.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I put my family first too but see now that I needed to be there as a husband to my wife as well. I'm pretty sure it is too gone for me but I hope you make it out or back in I guess.

If you reconize your issues and she agrees those are the issues that need work than start there. Also I'm sure she had issues too. I'm no pro or anything just a guy that has lost it all. Don't push her to hard, go slow and really try. This will take work from both of you.

It was/is hard to juggle Work/Play/Kids/Home/Wife/life but it has to work together some how. I didn't do it right for sure. Good luck,


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

You didn't go into why you need to reconcile, so some of this may not apply.
First and foremost, complete honesty in a serious discussion(s). Answer all question completely. "I don't know" and "I can't remember" are not acceptable answers. Both of you know and remember everything.

Complete transparency in all correspondence with everyone. All passwords, PINs, etc are common knowledge.

See either individual counselors, a joint counselor, or both. A qualified counselor will help you see things that you simply cannot see.

Talk often without getting angry.

Date and fall in love again.


Most important - mutual RESPECT.


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## onelovingdad (Mar 25, 2012)

We separated about nine mths ago under some really bad circumstances. She was pregant at the time. She did alot of bad stuff to me including not letting me see our daughter in the hospital when she was born. We've had numerous court battles and a few mts ago I was awarded full custody of our other daughter. She was also not very kind to my oldest daughter and because of that I have been fighting for custody of her. 

My family is going to be very against this and many have said that if I did let her come back that they would go against me in court for my oldest. I'm not sure what to do. We are a Christian family and I know that God hates divorce. But I also know that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. If everyone is saying not to go back to her, then maybe they are right. So Idk what to do. I hoping that as long as we take it real slow and they believe it is God's will they will be at least somewhat ok with it. It could also be this is just her way of getting to see our daughter more. It's hard to know what to do in this situation. When do you listen to common sense and when you go in faith?


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