# Husband has a strippers phone number and many photos... in this city. PLEASE HELP!



## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

OMG. Please tell me what this means although I think I am already believing the worst. I was going to sell my husbands iPad and I noticed I could see some of his emails. You might know we have been to a counselor regarding our fighting/relationship;... he forced me off our joint account in order to "save money" for our huge bills. 

Anyways tonight I noticed I could see emails and I thought I'll just check his photos. I noticed he had a drop box and I had to change his iTunes password to get in.

I see many nude disgusting nude pictures of a girl with tattoos.. huge chest, etc. and I know its a stripper. He has saved screen shots from his phone of her. He tried to tell me its an internet thing but then he said when I pressed him that he has her phone number. He gave some stupid excuse about him being a concierge for her or guys in town (this is getting so stupid I think) and that he basically texts to her to when his buddies want good looking strippers to be there and she makes sure it happens. Ya... right!

Then he says he pays her for these photos... like $10 a piece. And she's really into the money of it. I'm like wtf 10$ does he think I'm dumb?? So what is he doing? I really don't think he would get repetitive photos of the same girl who happens to live in our town for $10. 

To me it sounds like she is texting him a preview of what he might expect some night. What do you all think? 

Am I being played a fool? Is he cheating? How far do strippers go? Why would he buy the same pictures of the same girls? wouldn't a person buying porn pictures try to buy different girls? please help what is going on here. 

I did have my blood tested since then just routine and no issues thank god.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Unfortunately if it quacks like a duck. I don't think spending 10 dollars on pictures from strippers seems very likely. Porn is free on the internet. Besides why buy so many there has to be something in it for him. I haven't been to a stripper in a long time, but I never got their number to get other strippers. Besides that even if that is the case what is he her pimp. 

Check your phone records. 

Sadly it doesn't look good. I am sorry.


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

ok thx. Its his cell phone... how do I do that? do i have to get his phone? OMG you are right, that would make him a pimp unbelievable. I wish I was quicker on my feet I would have said that. That is what I was thinking, if it is some kind of porn service, where you are paying to get raunchy photos or webcam, then why wouldn't you get different kinds of girls from time to time. Why the same girl, unless there is some kind of attachment. 

omg. Please tell me what is common among the stripping crowd? I don't know what I am allowed to say on here... 

At any rate I feel I've been cheated on bc this is intimate contact with one person in this town from a strip club. He's had her number for years wtf? And I'm looking at photos of her streaming in to his dropbox right next to pictures of my beautiful children and it is grossing me the heck out. I know I cant sleep tonight. ugh.


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## goingsolo12 (Mar 26, 2017)

@redpoppies34

A husband who loves you and wants to be faithful to you, would he have pictures of naked women on his phone? Seems your husband wants both sides of the coin. He wants to come home to a faithful caring wife and also wants to go out and have his fun like a bachelor.

Yes you have been cheated on and you better show him that you will not tolerate his behavior. From now on it should be about you, your husband needs to prove himself to you now, if he is not willing to do that he can hit the road.

However i still feel that there is more to this story than what your husband is telling you, I would advise a bit of snooping, install a key logger on his devices and try to access his mails. Don't let him know you are doing this because he might try to delete the evidence.

All the best


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you saying that all the photos are of one stripper?

And he claims to have paid $10 each for the photos? I guess each photo is unique?

Porn is free. If he wants porn photos, they are all over the internet for nothing. He has these photos, of this woman, because he has a connection to her. 

Can you tell how often they text and/or phone each other? Can you get his cell phone records and check out who he’s been contacting.

Stop talking to him about this. If he is up to no good, he is not going to admit what he is doing. So you need to go into snoop mode. Get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and hide it up under the driver’s seat, secured with adhesive backed Velcro. People use their car as a private phone booth. You are very likely to catch him talking about whatever he is doing while he’s driving around.



Do not tell him what you are doing. If you hear things that are of concern when you play the recorder, do not talk to him about it at first. Come here and let us help you create a plan of action based on what you found out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So he has to buy photos of the same girl. Lots of them.

As has been pointed out there are plenty of images on the internet of ladies with large chests and lots of tattoos. Or so I am informed! 

She may be blackmailing him and running it so if he went to the police she could pretend it was voluntary on his part. Is this possible?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Redpoppies, so sorry but he is lying through his teeth.

He took you off the joint account because he is spending money in other places, he doesn't want you to know about. Including on strippers.
He is lying about the stripper, he has a relationship with her.

You have to stop talking about anything with him and start to investigate, don't put him on notice about anything

1. In the meantime visit a lawyer and find out your options if you file for divorce, that might give him the jolt he needs, you do not have to go through with it. keep this on the back burner for now but see a lawyer.
2. Tell your family and friends (close one) what you have found out- his shame, not yours.
3. He sounds like he has a great life with his hobbies while he expects you to handle a household with little, yet he spends money on bikes and golf. Golf isn't a cheap sport.
4. Start squirreling away as much money as you can, present him with every invoice and bill possible.
5. Try to get access to his online accounts and monitor
6. If possible get the contact info for the stripper and ask her what is happening (tread carefully)
7. Put a VAR in his car

It seems that you have given him far too much control in your marriage and are not standing up for yourself. How old are the children. Do you have any family nearby.
Your H needs a major 'come to Jesus' moment for all the **** he is pulling on you right now.
Lay low and keep posting for now till you get a clearer picture.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

redpoppies,

Some strippers will do anything for money, and some men become obsessed with a particular stripper to the point that they believe they have a girlfriend. 

Mostly from what I've seen it is a sugar daddy kind of relationship with the man being deluded enough to believe that money can get the girl to love his pot belly and bald head. 

You need to get a polygraph for your WH and document all his communication and photos.

Tamat


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Oh Jesus.

This is the controlling, abusive ass-clown who makes you BEG for every dollar to buy food for your family and took you off the joint checking account while HE blows money on frivolous garbage (and obviously hookers) constantly. I saw your post on the Financial message board here.

Let me guess - you were selling this ass-bag's iPad in order to raise money to go food shopping - am I close?

Are you REALLY that surprised that he's* also *a cheater? I'm not. He's an abusive degenerate who thinks he's entitled to do whatever the hell he pleases.

WHY you haven't left him yet is still a mystery to me.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

$10 for photos seems crazy, but there are lots of stories of idiot men being scammed by strippers for lots of money. 

I don't know that it matters. You are tight on money and he is spending $$ on a strippers pictures - and that is the best interpretation. 

I doubt $10 is for sex - seems like that would be a lot more. (Having never paid for sex, I don't know the going rate but I assume its WAY more than $10). Maybe he is paying for specific poses? Maybe there is some future promise from her?


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

ugh thanks. Worst night of my life trying to sleep and seeing that womans face every time I twist and turn. I'm not sure what getting his cell records would do? I mean I already see he texts her and she texts him back photos. It has been going on for a period of 2 years. Starting in Aug/2015 and then it seems like this girl stopped sending photos in Aug/2016. And the only thing I see now is two pictures of a new girl (the old girl didn't have tattoos, this new one does) and those were sent this January. 

So what is that? Did he buy like a photo subscription with her? weird. Or more? I wonder what his cell records would tell me. 

I went googling to find out what strippers do with customers and they give out their phone numbers all the time I guess on fake phones. 

Even at face value if all he did was buy photos I agree that is cheating, I feel cheated on. If something more, I would never touch him again so I guess I need to find that out. I'm so pissed I cant even talk to him though. The sad part is that this is during the time he was being SUCH a **** to me. 

Telling me all these things that were wrong with me .. like I should volunteer more, I should wake up early, I should be more social... what a jerk.

The sad part is we were starting to get along a lot better lately.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Ok first there ARE indeed men who directly buy photos and pay money to women online. They do it as a fantasy - here is a beautiful (or ****ty or whatever your hot button is) woman specifically providing YOU with attention. This is about a male fantasy of a real live woman out there who amazingly wants to do whatever crazy fetish you have - and it's safe and "not really cheating"

Hey I'm not justifying it - just expressing it from the perspective of the customer.

On the other hand, I've been to many strip clubs (always disclosed before and after with my w) and I've never heard of getting someone's phone number. Anyway not for any good reason.

So hope he's just got a fetish he can't tell you about


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Sorry I didn't mean to sound insensitive - I literally meant your H is a big problem for your M but some of the problems are less horrible than others


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

thx no I'm not offended. I appreciate the cold hard truth. He has pictures for a period of a year with the same girl who he said he met years ago in a strip club here in my town. Now I'm like wtf would he have her number that long. 

Weirdly the thing that hurts the most is the fact that he beats me down about the cost of getting my nails done once a month (makes me pay for it out of my own money) bc my toes actually hurt and here in this picture I see this stripper with perfect fake nails that I know cost a lot, perfect waxing, an expensive watch, perfect hair done and makeup and plastic surgery and gucci shoes and my husband is paying money to her?!! while he berates me for buying a gift for my son out of the family money. 

Its weird this alone makes me want a divorce. Im pretty sure if you pay to get pictures from a stripper over the period of a year and things aren't so good in your marriage that year that you are probably at least getting expensive lap dances and private rooms right? Whether or not he actually touched them I'm pretty sure that something more than just pictures occurred. right?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

His paying for custom photos seems the most likely. I can't imagine why, with all the free porn on the net, but its the only thing I can think of . $10 isn't enough for anything physical

Is he separately paying for sex with her? Could be, but I'd guess not. A stripper who has hooked customers into paying $10 for "custom" photos (which she probably sends to lots of suckers), isn't all that likely to take money for sex. Maybe for a LOT of money, but doing photos is so much easier, quicker and safer. 

Does the stripper have a web page? Maybe do a search on her cell phone number? The page might list what "services" she provides. 

Or ask you husband for her web page. 

What he is doing is completely unacceptable, but I'd guess he isn't actually having sex with her - not because he doesn't want to, but because she is too smart for that. 





redpoppies34 said:


> ugh thanks. Worst night of my life trying to sleep and seeing that womans face every time I twist and turn. I'm not sure what getting his cell records would do? I mean I already see he texts her and she texts him back photos. It has been going on for a period of 2 years. Starting in Aug/2015 and then it seems like this girl stopped sending photos in Aug/2016. And the only thing I see now is two pictures of a new girl (the old girl didn't have tattoos, this new one does) and those were sent this January.
> 
> So what is that? Did he buy like a photo subscription with her? weird. Or more? I wonder what his cell records would tell me.
> 
> ...


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

@redpoppies34;17783697] Strippers are all about the money. She will not stay in contact with a man for a year if he's not maintaining some kind of business with her.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

redpoppies34 said:


> Weirdly the thing that hurts the most is the fact that he beats me down about the cost of getting my nails done once a month (makes me pay for it out of my own money) bc my toes actually hurt and here in this picture I see this stripper with perfect fake nails that I know cost a lot, perfect waxing, an expensive watch, perfect hair done and makeup and plastic surgery and gucci shoes and my husband is paying money to her?!! while he berates me for buying a gift for my son out of the family money.


Nothing weird about that at all. That should bother you greatly. This is another level of disrespect and a strong indicator of his lack of concern, not only for you, but for your union. If money is tight, the first thing that has to go is any non-necessity and clearly, whatever is being spent on pics/strippers/etc. _should be the very first item on the chopping block _(setting aside the obvious fact that they shouldn't have been an expenditure in the first place, even under better financial circumstances). 

Somebody here need to be berated alright,_ and it ain't you. 
_


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

redpoppies34 said:


> ...I went googling to find out what strippers do with customers and they give out their phone numbers all the time I guess on fake phones.
> 
> Even at face value if all he did was buy photos I agree that is cheating, I feel cheated on. If something more, I would never touch him again so I guess I need to find that out. I'm so pissed I cant even talk to him though. The sad part is that this is during the time he was being SUCH a **** to me.
> 
> ...


Clearly your marriage is in crisis. Get you and your H to a marriage counselor quick. If he can spend money on strippers, he can divert that to pay for marriage counseling. You can tell him that and if he says he can't tell him that marriage counselors are a lot cheaper than divorce attorneys.

Now as to strippers. They are probably all over the place from dancers who enjoy the power and like to sexually tease men at places that strictly enforce a clients keep their hands off the dancers, to those that will lead a customer out the back and have sex for money. Some dancers dance on stages, some on men's laps, some dance with their entire body pressed against a man. Other strippers spend most of their time sitting and talking to men and making them feel good about themselves, for a price.

You need to ask your H what he likes about these strippers? Ask him if there is anything you can do for him that will allow him to give up all contact with them. Tell him that you want him to stop going to strip clubs, stop looking at their pictures and stop calling any of them. 

If you are brave enough ask him to take you to a strip club so you can better understand what makes him tick and what he might be getting that is so important he is risking his marriage.

Good luck and get to marriage counseling.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

redpoppies34 said:


> ok thx. Its his cell phone... how do I do that? do i have to get his phone? OMG you are right, that would make him a pimp unbelievable. I wish I was quicker on my feet I would have said that. That is what I was thinking, if it is some kind of porn service, where you are paying to get raunchy photos or webcam, then why wouldn't you get different kinds of girls from time to time. Why the same girl, unless there is some kind of attachment.
> 
> omg. Please tell me what is common among the stripping crowd? I don't know what I am allowed to say on here...
> 
> At any rate I feel I've been cheated on bc this is intimate contact with one person in this town from a strip club. He's had her number for years wtf? And I'm looking at photos of her streaming in to his dropbox right next to pictures of my beautiful children and it is grossing me the heck out. I know I cant sleep tonight. ugh.


Do you have access to the phone account online bill paying? Usually there is a list of calls on there with numbers. If hot you may be able to request it from your provider.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

redpoppies34 said:


> ugh thanks. Worst night of my life trying to sleep and seeing that womans face every time I twist and turn. I'm not sure what getting his cell records would do? I mean I already see he texts her and she texts him back photos. It has been going on for a period of 2 years. Starting in Aug/2015 and then it seems like this girl stopped sending photos in Aug/2016. And the only thing I see now is two pictures of a new girl (the old girl didn't have tattoos, this new one does) and those were sent this January.
> 
> So what is that? Did he buy like a photo subscription with her? weird. Or more? I wonder what his cell records would tell me.
> 
> ...


Send some of the photos to yourself and then do a reverse lookup on Google. It's hard for me to say this but she may very well be an escort. If she has a site online it might show up. Again I am sorry people are so evil.


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

so you mean you think he is probably paying her for something other than just photos?


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

If anyone can help me now... so I went through everything I could see on the iPad. Besides pictures of a stripper in my town, I also see him requesting to be sent a pic from a phone number that is in another town, a town where he travels for business. I have the number but it is a cell phone that no one answers. Do strippers really give out their phone number??? I also saw pictures of a girl with tattoos that coincides with a new york trip he went on. He goes to new york on business too. 

I feel like he is doing more than going to a strip club and getting a girls number for pictures. Right?? Don't you think so? I mean I would be dumb to think he is just going to a strip club to get a lap dance and a phone number to get pictures right? Why go to all that trouble for just some naked pictures right?


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

The only thing weird about this situation is that you continue to do mental gymnastics about why he may not be physically cheating on you. If my husband took me off of our joint account and refused to give me money to feed the kids, I'd be on the phone with a lawyer in 5 minutes. That is financial abuse and you need to protect your children by making sure they are being provided for without you having to beg him. He can give the money willingly or the court can force it out of him. Going without is not an option. 

That said, it's very likely that he has had some form of physical contact with these women. At least lap dances at the club but I know strippers who will do more for the right price even outside of the club. Since you have no access to your joint account, you have no idea how much he is spending and what he is getting. It's safe to say something physical has happened if he has gone to their clubs and spent money.

I must ask, why are you fighting so hard to hold on to him? He clearly doesn't respect you. He's abusive and controlling with finances in a way that hurts your kids. What is there to salvage?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

nekonamida said:


> The only thing weird about this situation is that you continue to do mental gymnastics about why he may not be physically cheating on you. If my husband took me off of our joint account and refused to give me money to feed the kids, I'd be on the phone with a lawyer in 5 minutes. That is financial abuse and you need to protect your children by making sure they are being provided for without you having to beg him. He can give the money willingly or the court can force it out of him. Going without is not an option.
> 
> That said, it's very likely that he has had some form of physical contact with these women. At least lap dances at the club but I know strippers who will do more for the right price even outside of the club. Since you have no access to your joint account, you have no idea how much he is spending and what he is getting. It's safe to say something physical has happened if he has gone to their clubs and spent money.
> 
> I must ask, why are you fighting so hard to hold on to him? He clearly doesn't respect you. He's abusive and controlling with finances in a way that hurts your kids. What is there to salvage?


Agreed. At this point, whether or not he's made physical contact is really beside the point. Bottom line is that he's crossed a number of lines that should never be crossed.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

redpoppies34 said:


> He gave some stupid excuse about him being a concierge for her or guys in town (this is getting so stupid I think) and that he basically texts to her to when his buddies want good looking strippers to be there and she makes sure it happens. Ya... right!


Seems like you all glossed over this ^^^ part. 

Now, I'm not condoning this behavior, but in years past in another career, I had a few groups of colleagues / customers that whenever they came to town, they expected to be taken to a strip club, etc. Before anyone hauls off and hangs the guy by his johnson, it may be worth looking into this area a little more deeply. It's still slimy behavior, but we all know of corporate functions, bachelor parties, etc. that employ strippers ... someone has to make those arrangements. 

If rp's H wishes to prove himself, he should be able and willing to provide times, dates, locations, etc. of when he arranged such concierge services for rp to cross check. If not, then she can jump to the more nefarious conclusions.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

nekonamida said:


> The only thing weird about this situation is that you continue to do mental gymnastics about why he may not be physically cheating on you. If my husband took me off of our joint account and refused to give me money to feed the kids, I'd be on the phone with a lawyer in 5 minutes. That is financial abuse and you need to protect your children by making sure they are being provided for without you having to beg him. He can give the money willingly or the court can force it out of him. Going without is not an option.
> 
> That said, it's very likely that he has had some form of physical contact with these women. At least lap dances at the club but I know strippers who will do more for the right price even outside of the club. Since you have no access to your joint account, you have no idea how much he is spending and what he is getting. It's safe to say something physical has happened if he has gone to their clubs and spent money.
> 
> I must ask, why are you fighting so hard to hold on to him? He clearly doesn't respect you. He's abusive and controlling with finances in a way that hurts your kids. What is there to salvage?


Agreed. @redpoppies34, short of getting him to confess or speaking to the strippers directly, there is nothing you can do right now to confirm whether it was physical or not. 

Strippers don't typically give out their number unless there's some expectation of a transaction. This is their job, they're not looking for male friends to just chat and flirt with. We cannot give you the answers you are looking for. 

You need to decide for yourself whether you're willing to accept this from your husband or not. If you decide you're not going to accept it, then perhaps we can help you figure out how to establish consequences. Considering you've already given up all control to your husband through your improper handling of his financial abuse, short of threatening a divorce, I don't see what other consequences you can implement.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

At some point you have to ask if it matters what he is doing. He is spending money on strippers and complaining about your spending. Does it really change things exactly what he is doing with the strippers? Pictures, lap dances, sex?

Is this someone you want to stay with in any of those cases?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MyRevelation said:


> Seems like you all glossed over this ^^^ part.
> 
> Now, I'm not condoning this behavior, *but in years past in another career, I had a few groups of colleagues / customers that whenever they came to town, they expected to be taken to a strip club, etc*. Before anyone hauls off and hangs the guy by his johnson, it may be worth looking into this area a little more deeply. It's still slimy behavior, but we all know of corporate functions, bachelor parties, etc. that employ strippers ... someone has to make those arrangements.


This is not the 1950's or even the 1970's. There is a thing called a hostel work environment that could bankrupt most companies, alternately the bad publicity and scandal could ruin a company.

Not acceptable business behavior in the 21st Century.

Yes, I have heard stories about construction companies hosting hunting & fishing retreats with hookers included back in the 1960's to try to win big contracts, but this is a different era.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I don't understand the obsession with trying to find the truth or what the OP's husband is really doing. 

Her marriage is in crisis. 

If he has money to spend on strippers, the family has money to spend on marriage counseling or a divorce attorney and those are the only two smart choices. It all depends on how much she and her husband want to save their marriage.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> This is not the 1950's or even the 1970's. There is a thing called a hostel work environment that could bankrupt most companies, alternately the bad publicity and scandal could ruin a company.
> 
> Not acceptable business behavior in the 21st Century.
> 
> Yes, I have heard stories about construction companies hosting hunting & fishing retreats with hookers included back in the 1960's to try to win big contracts, but this is a different era.


No, it's not. You are being very naive.

Now, admittedly the experiences I relayed were from the 90's, but to think this type of thing isn't still going on is not realistic. For every FOX NEWS that is being exposed, there are hundreds (probably thousands) of other smaller, regional companies doing the same thing.

Hell, it was just a few years ago (well within the 21st Century) that I attended a corporate dove shoot where local strippers were hired to drive the beverage cart around and they sure weren't wearing camo like the rest of us. I wonder how guns, booze and strippers in a wide open chopped sunflower field fit into their corporate mission statement? ... but the execs/owners didn't seem to be worried about that, and it is my understanding that this is still an annual event.

Never underestimate moral corruption ... especially from those with a little power.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MyRevelation said:


> ...Never underestimate moral corruption ... especially from those with a little power.


Never underestimate the cost of sexual harassment litigation. 

I have been in management of enough companies to know that most are afraid to even offer open bars with anything more that two drinks for fear of a DUI accident being blamed on the company party. Taking clients to a strip club or worse, would be unthinkable in the USA. 

Yes, the stuff you talk about happens, but it is not mainstream and hasn't been for a long time.


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

I told him that I don't expect him to ever have or get a strippers phone number and/or to ever get nude photos. If he HAS to go to a strip club with clients/board members or whatever than to just be respectful; to me. 

He got mad at me tonight bc I was still asking a few more questions. Like, why do you have to be the one of your friends that has to keep the stripper phone number, etc. 

He said something stupid like "I guess I get off on trying to see if i can get a stripper to give me her number". Doesn't that sound so stupid and pigheaded to say that to me?? Maybe he thinks he can get photos. 

But I discussed with him that it is weird. To be getting a lap dance or be in close physical space with a nude lady is one thing, but then to have texting interaction and get to know her by talking is weird and taking it to far. He seemed to think I was getting carried away.

Then tonight he says he is at his limit of questions and has had enough. Well buddy, sorry, I'm not done and he just got home yesterday . I only spoke for a few min. He said I"m just trying to get the upper hand in our relationship by dragging out this stuff. so he sleeps in the other room. 

I think he is rushing me. I'm still pissed and trying to understand it !


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

redpoppies34 said:


> I told him that I don't expect him to ever have or get a strippers phone number and/or to ever get nude photos. If he HAS to go to a strip club with clients/board members or whatever than to just be respectful; to me.
> 
> He got mad at me tonight bc I was still asking a few more questions. Like, why do you have to be the one of your friends that has to keep the stripper phone number, etc.
> 
> ...


Is this a lovable man?

Time to realize who he really is.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Sounds as though you're going to continue letting this abusive ass-clown disrespect you and lie to you about his strippers. I would imagine since you're financially dependent on him (which he's made sure you don't even have THAT anymore) that you'll continue burying your head in the sand because you have no other options. I always hate to see women holding onto men like this because they have no other choice.

If you think for one minute giving him a 'talking to' by telling him you don't want him to be the stripper liaison is going to curtail his sleazy cheating activity, unfortunately, you'd be wrong.

If you're smart, you'll get a full panel of STD tests because believing this miscreant and his lies is just putting your sexual health at risk. I wouldn't believe this liar if he told me it was raining - I'd have to go outside and see it for myself.


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

Well I thought I had made some progress. Got him to go to the bank and put my name back on the account and demanded that he give me up front a certain amount for kids/groceries/necessity at the beginning of the month for my budget so I don't have to ask him every time I need money for kids. I pay for my own extras. 

He removed all his stripper pics from his dropbox and 2 contact numbers. He allowed me to look through his computer and phone as much as I wanted. 

I screwed up on the Saturday still trying to access his email account to make sure there was no further info and accidentally reset the apple id password and he temporarily lost all the info (business stuff) on his phone. So he freaked and went to apple store to reset and then came home with new passwords on his phone and iPad and I don't know them. 

So I told him on Sunday he would need to disclose the passwords. Tonight he still refused and so I told him to sleep somewhere else. Not going out this weekend either. 

What do you guys think? I feel like based on his past indiscretions, he should give me open access to his phone/ipad when I want to look at least for the next year. He says, no I can look whenever I want but he will unlock it first. 

I think he is wrong. I don't want to constantly snoop all day but on occasion, esp. after a night with the guys, I feel I should be able to look. I have never had any passwords on my items.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

redpoppies34 said:


> I told him that I don't expect him to ever have or get a strippers phone number and/or to ever get nude photos. If he HAS to go to a strip club with clients/board members or whatever than to just be respectful; to me.
> 
> He got mad at me tonight bc I was still asking a few more questions. Like, why do you have to be the one of your friends that has to keep the stripper phone number, etc.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry but he is gas lighting you and attempting to bully you into submission so that you will shut up and put up. This is not the way a decent husband who wants his wife to be put at ease acts. It is worse than you think.

And yes you should have access to the passwords. Do you have any family nearby for support? Maybe it is time you kicked him out and do some bullying of your own. Talk with legal aid/lawyer etc and see what you options are. your WH is not going to change this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

redpoppies34 said:


> So I told him on Sunday he would need to disclose the passwords. Tonight he still refused and so I told him to sleep somewhere else. Not going out this weekend either.
> 
> What do you guys think? I feel like based on his past indiscretions, he should give me open access to his phone/ipad when I want to look at least for the next year. He says, no I can look whenever I want but he will unlock it first.
> 
> I think he is wrong. I don't want to constantly snoop all day but on occasion, esp. after a night with the guys, I feel I should be able to look. I have never had any passwords on my items.


Damn right he's wrong. Good for you for sticking to your guns. And good for you for making HIM sleep elsewhere and not moving there yourself!! He is SO wrong.

You need to keep it up now, and don't back down. Tell him calmly that unless he gives you those passwords IMMEDIATELY he should start packing. He ****ed up MAJORLY and now it's up to him to prove he's worth staying married to. And so far he is NOT.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Oh and tell him you need an STD test in writing proving he's clean before he's allowed back in your bed.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sorry to say but your H is not worth all this crap. Between the strippers (and God only knows WHAT other possible women) and his financial abuse of you, thats MORE than enough to make any woman justified to divorce! Stop wasting your time and emotion on this worthless "man".


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

redpoppies34 said:


> Well I thought I had made some progress. Got him to go to the bank and put my name back on the account and demanded that he give me up front a certain amount for kids/groceries/necessity at the beginning of the month for my budget so I don't have to ask him every time I need money for kids. I pay for my own extras.
> 
> He removed all his stripper pics from his dropbox and 2 contact numbers. He allowed me to look through his computer and phone as much as I wanted.
> 
> ...


Why do you want to stay in this relationship?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You're rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, in my opinion.

The other posters have pointed out the important issues - the obvious cheating and the financial abuse. Yet, you seem to think that you can improve things by getting some small concessions here and there.

What do you think he thinks of you? I'd be willing to bet that he thinks he can gaslight you forever with the simplest of ridiculous explanations and/or threats. It's worked so far, so why shouldn't he continue?

You're missing the big picture here. He's cheating and lying. Still. His 'explanations' are laughable. Don't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to believe them. As someone said earlier, 'if it quacks like a duck...'


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