# My ex-MIL called me today



## andy32m (Jan 27, 2011)

My wife asked me for a divorce 6 months ago and we separated and divorce was final 3 months ago. In that time i havent heard from any of my ex-inlaws. Not having them in my life these past 6 months has been the hardest part of my divorce. I truly loved them and miss them dearly. My therapist has told me that when you go through a divorce it is typical to divorce the entire family and that has been difficult to accept. Then today my ex mother-in-law called me out of the blue. I got a little dizzy when i saw her number pop up on caller id. I didnt answer and thought maybe it was a mistake like she may have just pocket dialed me by accident. I checked the voicemail and she was says "hi andy, it's mom." well right there i al ost started crying. She went on to say "i wanted to call to see how you're doing and see how work is going. I just want you to know we think about you everyday and i pray for you. I hope youre doing well. I would really like you to call me back so i can hear from you, but if you cant or dont want to i would understand." that was pretty much the jist of her message.

My divorce was not civil. We didnt have any kids, were married for three years and together for eight, we got divorced because my ex wife "fell out of love with me" mostly because she had an emptional affair with an ex of hers that she "reconnected" with on face book. Not too many people know about that affair but her mom did know. I havent returned the call because i know i would have a hard time biting my tongue about what a b*tch her daughter is. Its certsinly not my ex-MIL fault and i do miss me ex inlaws but i just dont knownhow to handle this one.....
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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

She called you, it would be okay to call her back if you miss her. Ground rules.. .no discussing the ex. And you should not ask about her either. You may have to state this if she brings it up. If you cannot bite your tongue, don't call her back. The price of your relationship with her now. 

I have family that I do not speak to. Extended family and I still talk, but there is a spoken rule about not discussing \ gossiping.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hrmm and could be that the ex might be realizing that grass not greener and she having her mother to call you and test the water first. Just throwing it out there lol.


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## andy32m (Jan 27, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Hrmm and could be that the ex might be realizing that grass not greener and she having her mother to call you and test the water first. Just throwing it out there lol.


That's not it. I am sure of it because ex is and has been with OM since even before our divorce was official. Ex is happy with him, and that is hard to acept but it is reality so i have to deal withnit. I think my ex-MIL may be feeling guilty because she is one of about 4 people that knew my ex was having an emotional affair. It's her daughter so i understand she has to support her, but at some point we're all adults now and maybe she could say to her daughter, "i dont support or condone what you did!". Regardless, what's done is done....but i really did love my ex-inlaws and it hurts not having them in my life. I just think that if i am ever able to truly move on, it might have to be without them. 

Just very conflicted because i hadnt heard from any of them in 6 months and then...BAM!
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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Call her, the only reason not to is if you can't stop yourself from talking about the ex. If you had a good relationship with them prior divorce they probably miss you as you miss them, but you have to understand they needed to show support for their daughter and by calling you your ex might have been offended. 

I was married for 20 years and have been divorced for three, my ex in laws call me every couple of weeks or I call them, they have even invited me to some family gatherings if my ex wife isn't going to be there. All it takes is adults acting like adults and leaving all the typical drama out of it.

Call her.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

That's a good thing - call her back.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Dont call her. Move on with your life. When you find a new girlfriend or wife, you dont want to bring your ex's baggage with you.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

aug said:


> Dont call her. Move on with your life. When you find a new girlfriend or wife, you dont want to bring your ex's baggage with you.


:iagree: Some of my inlaws actually made it easier for my wife to continue her affair so I dont have s&*& to do or say to none of them.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Lostouthere said:


> :iagree: Some of my inlaws actually made it easier for my wife to continue her affair so I dont have s&*& to do or say to none of them.


Same here although it's not all of them. Many of them don't approve but have taken the cowardly approach, IMHO, refusing to tell her that what she's doing is wrong. Their response was "She's grown and she can make her own choices". 

As far as the Inlaws, she only has a few that live here and townbut I see them every Sunday since I still go to the same church I have since we've been together. The thing is, my WW doesn't go to church anymore and she grew up there. That's kinda backwards but I don't say anything to them either.
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