# She's about to move away with the OM!



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Married 4 years, no kids. I'm 30, wife 29.

She's having an affair, been going on 4 months, 2 months with my knowledge. She's been out of the house since the end of August and staying with him for the last month. She's on the verge of moving to another city with him, but said we could still stay married. Um, that was the final straw for me and I picked up divorce papers, told her I'd file the next day if she moved, and finally said I'd cease all contact with her (admittedly it took me too long) unless she ceased contact with him.

Last night I came home and found a letter saying she wanted to end our marriage, which I expected but still what a hard blow. I spent the night laying in bed with my eyes closed and sleep-swearing (like snoring but instead I muttered "****"). Then this morning I get a text saying she thinks she made a mistake. When I was at work I get another one saying she's willing to cease contact and come home, and could I pick her up from his house now and all her stuff. So of course I left work immediately, picked her up, and brought her home.

I knew it was going to be rough, and that she'd be fighting an urge to go back to him. I expected a rough couple days at the very least. Well I got on the train back to work and received a text that she'd moved all her stuff back. She was home for an hour. She's tried to leave him several times, and according to her, very often has a "come get me" text prepared to send me with her finger hovering over the button. This was the longest she's ever left him.

Now she is almost certainly moving in two weeks. She wants to remain friends, but I told her Friday will be the last day she sees me until she ceases contact with the OM - which could very well mean I'll never see her or speak to her again.

I have one last possibility for bringing her out of the fog - that a dearly respected and deeply religious aunt of hers doesn't know about her affair. Some of her family knows already, and she's planning on bringing the OM home for Christmas (ugh), but should I ask her aunt to talk some sense into her?

Also since I just started no contact and it seems to have had an immediate effect, should I wait a while to file for divorce?


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

Hi there. I think, if you still love her, you should wait for divorce and try to solve this problem. Try to convince her that you still love her. What about your kids? What will happen to them if you and her separated? Try to find any marriage counselor to be a person for you and her can talk about your marriage. I hope your marriage will not ending. Gud luck bro


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sorry, OP, she is gone, long ago.
Do 180. Get counseling.
Move on with your life..........


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Oh dear. sorry to read this one. There can be nothing worse that being played like a fish on a line but a cheating partner. Yes she is in the fog however, she has made a number of statements wanting to be with the other guy and I suppose she ikes that adrenalin rush of the affair. Now the affair is open and you know about all the points its a one to one relationship and she perhaps sees a life with the OM is a mirror of what she had with you - You are in love with here but that of course is natural, thats why you chose her.....
As to what now. Youve made your statement, youve set out your stall and provided her with clear lines and she has crossed these knowing that you are being torn apart. 

Consider this; If she moves back in is there a part of you thgat feels that she will be fully committed to reconcilliation and to be faithfull? Will you trust her when she says shes going somewhere and changes plans without telling you and are you confident that shes now tasted the excitment of the affir and will not want to try again with this guy ot others. In any casee if she is to come back then she has to buy in to agreements that hard and case in stone boundries. Cpuncilling will be required and I suppose there will be a huge number of questions you want answers to not once but may times until the hurt feeling fades. Its a big call, but be satisified that serving the D papers and letting her see that you mean what you say is the right way to go.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

No kids, and I definitely do not want to divorce. I have been enduring this for 2.5 months now though, with no end in sight. She will not divorce me herself. It's a guilt thing, I know, but at the same time she became genuinely worried about never seeing me again.

After she came home today and subsequently returned to the OM, I texted her saying she should stop following her emotions because they just keep leading her back and forth between me and the OM, and I reminded her she only has a few days before she never see me again. Her reply? "That's your choice". Which leads me to believe she doesn't think I'll actually refrain from contacting her. So that's why I'm wondering if I should hold off on the D for a short while, enough time to let her know I'm serious about ceasing contact and to let her really experience life without me. Another concern is I've already given a hard date for the D, and postponing it could damage my credibility.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Pault: There is a part of me that feels she wants to return but is too hooked on the drug. I saw it today when she came home. And the OM has stated to her he'd move back to his home country and never return if he gets dumped (due to the pain), so that gives me great comfort if she should return.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Also I know she's planning on telling her family that it was a mutual decision, and that she started dating the OM after we broke up. I'd really like to clear the air on that one, and feel that her family should know she had an affair and I fought tooth and nail to save our marriage - and didn't just agree to part ways. Should I tell them? Would that stir up enough trouble to help break them up, or would that doom my chances of reconciliation?


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Pault: There is a part of me that feels she wants to return but is too hooked on the drug. I saw it today when she came home. And the OM has stated to her he'd move back to his home country and never return if he gets dumped (due to the pain), so that gives me great comfort if she should return.


Be patient man. I hope she will come back to you.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You're young enough not to play this type of game with your cheating wife for the next few decades.

Should you reconcile, you'll always be wondering if she's cheating again. You'll wonder when she's pregnant if the child is yours. You'll wonder why you have such low self-respect to put up with her sh!t.

You're too new in this marriage for her to be playing this type of game. She gave you a free ticket. No kids. Take the ticket and move on.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

oliviapeter31 said:


> Be patient man. I hope she will come back to you.


Yeah she'll come back alright. When the fun's over and she's used and tossed aside. As painful as divorce is, its often the only way to go. Good luck and stay strong.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

The truth is the fact that you are enduring it basically makes the entire affair much easier for your wife. You are making it way way too easy for her, she knows all she has to do is send you a text message "pick me up" and you will drop what you are doing and run there to get her. Then she misses the OM and she can go back to him, this is unreal, you should take a look at what the people here refer to as the 180. The way you're handeling this it is not going to work in your favor. good luck 2u


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

roostr said:


> The truth is the fact that you are enduring it basically makes the entire affair much easier for your wife. You are making it way way too easy for her, she knows all she has to do is send you a text message "pick me up" and you will drop what you are doing and run there to get her. Then she misses the OM and she can go back to him, this is unreal, you should take a look at what the people here refer to as the 180. The way you're handeling this it is not going to work in your favor. good luck 2u


I'm truly agree with your statement :iagree:


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

NotDoneYet said:


> No kids, and I definitely do not want to divorce. I have been enduring this for 2.5 months now though, with no end in sight. * She will not divorce me herself. It's a guilt thing,*
> You would be so wrong by assuming that.Guilt in this case has got nothing to do with it..She is simply cache eating.
> She has the best of to world´s right now. She has Fantasy world.And a loving husband at home,in case it docent work out
> with her lover boy. She is playing you,like a fiddle.
> ...


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Aug: I'd like to stay with her because 1) I love her, enough to rescue her from herself 2) I believe in marriage, and 3) I believe in second chances (but not third). Also, I know this is a drug she's on, and she's not herself. My analogy is that she's the drunk chick at the party and I'm the friend walking her home.

I actually find I've gained a lot of self respect from sticking around. I now know the strength of my convictions, and should we get divorced, I'll know I tried everything rather than running straight to the courthouse on D-Day.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Then take some proactive actions.

STD testing. Avoid sex but wear protection if you must. Dont get her pregnant.

Isolate and protect your assets. No joint bank accounts, credit cards, debts/loans. Revise your will, insurance, etc just in case.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Luckily the only asset we have is the $600 in our bank account. Maybe I should fight for the full $600.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

NotDoneYet said:


> Aug: I'd like to stay with her because 1) I love her, enough to rescue her from herself 2) *I believe in marriage, and 3) I believe in second chances (but not third). * You are way pass the third chance.
> 
> Sigh i give up
> 
> ...


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Your belief in marriage is not going to save your marriage. It takes two people making an effort not one.

You may be gaing-self respect but you have already lost about 90% of your wife's respect by being her boyfriend's cuckold and acting the fool when she snaps her finger. As soon as you agree to be "friends" she'll have lost the last vestige of respect for you. 

She's playing the game: "What Can I Make Him Do Next" . She's showing off for her boyfriend - to show him he's not the only one who wants her. 

Every time he hits on another girl you wife gets mad and calls you. You go running thinking you are making progress. Her boyfriend texts her a 'sorry babe i wont do it again' text and she goes running back.

You make the anology of her being on drugs. Boy oh boy are you right. But you know what? So are you. Except she's on pot and you're on meth.

If you were my brothet i would sit you down and literally *****h slap you and tell you even harsher truths. If you were my son (and you are someone's son) I would do the same but with with tears in my eyes.


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Aug: I'd like to stay with her because 1) I love her, enough to rescue her from herself 2) I believe in marriage, and 3) I believe in second chances (but not third). Also, I know this is a drug she's on, and she's not herself. My analogy is that she's the drunk chick at the party and I'm the friend walking her home.
> 
> I actually find I've gained a lot of self respect from sticking around. I now know the strength of my convictions, and should we get divorced, I'll know I tried everything rather than running straight to the courthouse on D-Day.


You are a gentleman... good luck for your marriage.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Let her go. After living with the OM for several months the fog will wear off and she'll want you back. But Don't dare take her back, she poison and she soiled your marriage with this guy. Your too young to be going through this. Try to find someone who respects marriage.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Take the $600---it belongs to the mge

The only way, you will ever keep her, and I have no idea why you would even wanna be with her---is to end the mge

Maybe when she all of a sudden sees her solid marital lifestyle about to disappear, she might wake up----

Right now---she has you pegged----she has her lover, and she has her good little H---as a backup plan----

Please enlighten me as to where your self respect, and dignity is----SHE IS WITH ANOTHER MAN, she prefers him to YOU, she runs to him, whenever he crooks his finger, or she is away from him for even a day-----just exactly why would you even wanna look at this woman, talk to her, touch her-----you are not her lover, you are her backup plan, if the other guy turns out to be worthless-----and if he does---are you just gonna let her come back-------you say you have self respect, and self dignity----where is it----if you have respect for yourself---you file for D---and never look/talk/touch her again!!!!!!!!!


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Married 4 years, no kids. I'm 30, wife 29.
> 
> She's having an affair, been going on 4 months, 2 months with my knowledge. She's been out of the house since the end of August and staying with him for the last month. She's on the verge of moving to another city with him, but said we could still stay married. Um, that was the final straw for me and I picked up divorce papers, told her I'd file the next day if she moved, and finally said I'd cease all contact with her (admittedly it took me too long) unless she ceased contact with him.
> 
> ...


This should have been exposed fully to all of her family esp. the aunt as soon as it happened.

Don't let her family think that this was a mutual choice to split up. Tell them it was all her, give them a timeline of events.

Do the full no contact, and file.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also I know she's planning on telling her family that it was a mutual decision, and that she started dating the OM after we broke up. I'd really like to clear the air on that one, and feel that her family should know she had an affair and I fought tooth and nail to save our marriage - and didn't just agree to part ways. Should I tell them? Would that stir up enough trouble to help break them up, or would that doom my chances of reconciliation?


They do need to know she is lying, and SOON. She is hiding behind a ritual amount of deception and is relying on you not taking action. Its clear form your words here youd do anything to have her back, you have to call her bluff. If giving you a little hope here and there keeps you engaged she can play away and still have you to fall back on if the otehr guys turns out not to be what she wants. Ask yourself simply, how many more "im coming home" statements will you put up with, is acceptable. 3, 10, 100? Taking control now is goung to be be hard as you just feel you want her back. But it could be she'll go at the very end and youve hurt all the way through it. Its a ticking bomb. She is in control here not you. Its understood that you do not want a divorce, no one wants to do that. But you need to have the limits set and now. else she will keep playing this on and if she does come home will it be until the next time?

Also have you and she had sex since her being with him? Are you likely to have contracted an STI - it isnt impossible and as such youve no real evidence to confirm that shes not had sex with you having been with someone else you need to check yourself out. It will also hit home to her what being unfaithful really brings with it.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You don't seem like you have what it takes to save your marriage, which is OK, because it's a long shot that you will be able to save it anyway.

Every move you've made so far has done nothing to help you.

I assume she is having sex with him multiple times per day while before she left you she cut you off cold and hasn't shown any interest in you sexually since.

The only reason she keeps flip-flopping and coming back to you briefly is because she does not want everyone to know she is a cheater. That much is abundantly clear. She is "in love" with him and only "loves you but is not 'in love' with you." Also, because of that, she does not want to hurt you and she knows she's done you wrong, yet she can't help going back to the man she truly is "in love" with.

Your situation is not unique, your wife is not unique, and you are not unique. This stuff all follows a pretty predictable script, which is playing out to a T here.

There is one way you might be able to save your marriage, and that is to blow up her affair. She is NOT going to CHOOSE YOU over other man.

Contact her family and close friends by phone. Tell them that your wife is having an affair and with whom, that she refuses to end it, and ask for their help in saving your marriage. Keep each conversation brief. Do the same with your family and close friends.

Contact the parents and siblings of the other man and let them know that their son is involved in an affair with your wife and breaking up your marriage.

In the meantime, contact your wife and coldly tell her that you are filing for divorce. Let her know that you are filing on the grounds of adultery and that you will be naming the other man in the divorce filing. Then do it. File. Divorce is a long process and you can always stop it if your wife agrees to come back. Then do not contact her again and do not respond to her communications with you unless she says she wants to work on the marriage. If she says that, stay cold with her and tell her you are willing but ONLY if she meets the following conditions: (1) Cease all contact with other man always and forever and write him a no contact letter; (2) Give you complete access to all her accounts and communication devices and agree to never delete anything ever; (3) Let you know her whereabouts 24/7, allow you to GPS her, and she responds immediately to you whenever you call her; (4) Gets tested for STDs and gives the results to your; (5) Whatever other conditions you want, for example, writing a letter of apology to you, resuming sexual relations with you, destroying any gifts she received from other man or any other items that "trigger" you. Do not take her back unless she agrees to your conditions.

With no kids and a relatively short marriage, you don't have a very good chance of getting your wife back. Why do you want her back? What she has been doing to you is the ultimate in selfishness and cruelty. Telling you that she wants to live with the other man, move to another city, but still remain married to you? So that when her romance with other man does ultimately fizzle, then you will be there waiting for her to return. Meanwhile, everyone believes she and you are happily married and you will look like a cheater if you find someone else. And you want to stay married to that selfish, entitled woman?

What your wife is doing is called "eating cake." She loves the attention of two men, both flattering her and competing for her. She will prolong it as long as you let her. She will never end it voluntarily on her own.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

How does your wife know the other man?

How did you find out about the affair and what was her reaction to you finding out?

How was it that she left to live with another man and you were OK with that for 2-plus months?

While she was living with other man but remaining in contact with you, what was she saying to you?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

OP 

Pay attention to Will's advice, you won't get any better.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

oliviapeter31 said:


> You are a gentleman... good luck for your marriage.


He'll need luck because he's done all of the wrong things .


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> How does your wife know the other man?
> 
> How did you find out about the affair and what was her reaction to you finding out?
> 
> ...


The EXACT question to ask :iagree:


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

Malaise said:


> He'll need luck because he's done all of the wrong things .


Yes i know.. He is to kind to his wife...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If you really want to help her, get her to a place where she can help herself. Which is to say, psychiatric care. Make sure she can't blow any assets. She sounds confused. As her H, you're responsible for her. Never mind about a religious aunt, take yourself out of the equation in terms of getting her back or losing her to OM. It's not really about that at this point, it's about someone who seems to be losing their sanity, and needs help.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

oliviapeter31 said:


> Yes i know.. He is to kind to his wife...


That's not being kind.

It's being a doormat.

Was she kind to him?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sorry to see you here, OP. But at the end of the day, you need to find some self respect and to start looking out for yourself. This may look cold, but when it comes to your wife this is the probably the best thing you can do. You need to apply this to your wife and not look back. No kids, no problem! Go!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to expose the OM as a cheater who is with a married woman.

Exposé to her family and find his family and expose it there, expose to any and all friends of both of them.

Did they meet at work? Exposé at work to both coworkers and hr.

She's gone back and forth because she knows going bak and forth is an option she can do as many times as she likes.

You need to make being with her humiliating and socially costly for the OM. Post him onto cheaterville.com

You have played the role of a patient puppy while she sleeps in his bed. You really go to ge over fearing loosing her because what she was is already dead and gone. What she is now is a woman who is a remorseless cheater who has chosen willing to betray her husband and go be another mans. She has put his feelings higher in priority than yours.

That's why full on exposure of their actions is your only hope.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You need to expose the OM as a cheater who is with a married woman.
> 
> *Exposé to her family and find his family and expose it there, expose to any and all friends of both of them.*
> Did they meet at work? Exposé at work to both coworkers and hr.
> ...


:iagree:


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If you really want to help her, get her to a place where she can help herself. Which is to say, psychiatric care. Make sure she can't blow any assets. She sounds confused. As her H, you're responsible for her. Never mind about a religious aunt, take yourself out of the equation in terms of getting her back or losing her to OM. It's not really about that at this point, it's about someone who seems to be losing their sanity, and needs help.


If she won't listen to him concerning the marriage, what hope is there that she will listen to him regarding getting medical help?


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also I know she's planning on telling her family that it was a mutual decision, and that she started dating the OM after we broke up. I'd really like to clear the air on that one, and feel that her family should know she had an affair and I fought tooth and nail to save our marriage - and didn't just agree to part ways. Should I tell them? Would that stir up enough trouble to help break them up, or would that doom my chances of reconciliation?


You want to end this affair you must expose it.

Expose WW parents, siblings, aunt and uncles. WW has FB then copy and past her contact list incase WW blocks you on FB and expose all of WW friends. Do the same for OM. Expose OM parents and siblings. Also do a FB exposure to. Copy and paste too.

When sending exposure messages through FB wait one full minute between sending the next message. FB will block you thinking you are spaming when sending messages out to fast.

You need to get the truth out and first to tell because the one that tells their side first os usually the one that gets believed.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also I know she's planning on telling her family that it was a mutual decision, and that she started dating the OM after we broke up. I'd really like to clear the air on that one, and feel that her family should know she had an affair and I fought tooth and nail to save our marriage - and didn't just agree to part ways. Should I tell them? Would that stir up enough trouble to help break them up, or would that doom my chances of reconciliation?


What, are you stupid??

You should immediately inform *everybody* if you want any chance to get her back. Do it *now.*

That is the condensed advise you would get from reading the threads of all those other poor bastards like yourself. So I saved you some time....


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

oliviapeter31 said:


> Be patient man. I hope she will come back to you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Because this is a good option for you maintaining the status qo.

Wait man she will come back to you, who want to have a long term relationship with a cheater. When the OM had enough fun and when he feels her a$$ no more interesting he will dump your wife, then she will come back to you even if she find OM2, OM3................OM^ She will never D you. Its not easy to find a soooooooo nice person like you.

Then second option is,
Did your wife show up occasionally to give you some quickie? if not then your needs also should be met so When she is with OM bring some prostitutes in, when she come back send them out or have a threesome with your wife. Your wife will be happy too as as a loving and caring wife when she knows someone is there to meet your needs when she is banging OM. 

There is a third option but this is for men with balls in their sack.
In your present situation she is sh1tting on your face by banging OM in front of you even after being married to you. She is humiliating you in the worst way.
Get her remaining stuff and pack it in bags and dump it at OMs house, expose her to all family and friends she may have already told them that you are happy/agreed with the present arrangement. Pull out the $600 and Issue her the D papers at work and show her the middle finger.


Look around you will see your friends laughing on your back. Do you know or imagine what they will be saying on your back? Definitely not that you are a great husband or a lover but a great cuckold who is ready to share his wife with some other men.

But why you wanted to be with a wife who is banging her OM in front of you? Why you wanted to be with humiliating disrespectful wife? 

Get tested for STDs and get some IC for yourself for your codependency.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'd be taking the 600 out of the bank and keeping it for me.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

I found a letter on our computer, written to her family to tell them the news. There are factual inaccuracies, such as that I agreed to the divorce and that she started dating her new boyfriend just after the separation.

I've corrected the errors and am presenting the revised letter to her tonight. We will mail it together tonight, or I will call her family in the morning.

I'm only giving her warning because she was already planning on telling them about the divorce and her new boyfriend in the next few days, so I'm just giving her the opportunity to explain the full truth herself, tell her I'm doing it to save my reputation with her family (I don't want them thinking I didn't love their daughter, and I'd like them to know how hard I fought), and hoping that before morning the fog lifts enough that she reconsiders.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> I found a letter on our computer, written to her family to tell them the news. There are factual inaccuracies, such as that I agreed to the divorce and that she started dating her new boyfriend just after the separation.
> 
> I've corrected the errors and am presenting the revised letter to her tonight. We will mail it together tonight, or I will call her family in the morning.
> 
> I'm only giving her warning because she was already planning on telling them about the divorce and her new boyfriend in the next few days, so I'm just giving her the opportunity to explain the full truth herself, tell her I'm doing it to save my reputation with her family (I don't want them thinking I didn't love their daughter, and I'd like them to know how hard I fought), and hoping that before morning the fog lifts enough that she reconsiders.


Call them now and let them know this is her fault not yours.


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## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

sorry to hear your wife is taking gross advantage of you.

but its in your power to have enough selfrespect for yourself to let her go. in the long run you will be a much happier person when you find someone with morals similiar to your own.

I know it feels like your world is caving in on you but after the robble clears you will be glad to see the light.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

I consider myself a doormat. No joke, I have taken what my man has dished out time and again. BUT..reading your posts actually makes my heart hurt. 

The ONE and ONLY thing I would NOT have tolerated is my man leaving me and living with someone else...

Stop having a revolving door for this woman. She thought so little of you that she LEFT YOU for someone else. Tell her to go f'ck herself and see your g*d damned lawyer NOW!!! Sorry for the language..but omfg! There is no saving her. There is no saving this marriage. Your marriage is DEAD DEAD DEAD. Maybe in a couple years you and your wife can start dating again..if you are really serious about still being with this woman. But holy hell..cut the cord now. She chose someone else and has been yanking your chain. 

TRUST ME..I believe in for better or worse, I am living it everyday and somedays I want to run out the door a million miles an hour. But he is in my home...and NOT someone else's. 

Start loving yourself for a 1 minutes please.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

NotDoneYet said:


> I found a letter on our computer, written to her family to tell them the news. There are factual inaccuracies, such as that I agreed to the divorce and that she started dating her new boyfriend just after the separation.
> 
> I've corrected the errors and am presenting the revised letter to her tonight. We will mail it together tonight, or I will call her family in the morning.
> 
> I'm only giving her warning because she was already planning on telling them about the divorce and her new boyfriend in the next few days, so I'm just giving her the opportunity to explain the full truth herself, tell her I'm doing it to save my reputation with her family (I don't want them thinking I didn't love their daughter, and I'd like them to know how hard I fought), and hoping that before morning the fog lifts enough that she reconsiders.


OK, time to man up. She's rug-sweeping her affair. Trying to save face with her family.

She. Is. Gone. It's done. Toast. Finito. You are yesterday's news. I'm sorry, but it's the truth.

At the end of the day, all you have is your integrity. Are you going to let her take that from you, too? Myself, I would spend my time this afternoon calling all of the in-laws I could reach and spelling out the entire situation to them. Tell them you'd like to continue the relationship but fear that her actions will drive you to file for divorce soon. 

In this drama, you are playing the role of the doormat on the front porch. I guarantee you will be alone over the holidays. The question is: will you at least have your self-respect?


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Call them now and let them know this is her fault not yours.


:iagree::iagree:


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Why are you still trying to play this out, as if your wife is such a wonderful person----I get that you love her---but the woman you have loved---she ain't there any more

Most likely when she wants to return to you--its cuz she probably had a disagreement with him, or he didn't look so hot to her, for a couple of moments, or as said above she is covering her butt----but the reality of it all is that, when he crooks his finger at her---she runs back to him like the wind

Stop with your excuses for her, and stop with your love for her---maybe its not easy---but you gotta face facts-----you are not in a mge anymore---you are just watching your wife play you, and you better believe her lover is in control, he convinces her, you are the jerk----get out of all of this now--

--believe it or not---there are good, kind, wonderful women out there---and there are plenty of them, they may not all be the most beautiful woman in the world on the outside---but you better believe there are a lot of beautiful women out there on the inside---just dying to have a good man come along, and be their prince charming


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> I found a letter on our computer, written to her family to tell them the news. There are factual inaccuracies, such as that I agreed to the divorce and that she started dating her new boyfriend just after the separation.
> 
> I've corrected the errors and am presenting the revised letter to her tonight. We will mail it together tonight, or I will call her family in the morning.
> 
> I'm only giving her warning because she was already planning on telling them about the divorce and her new boyfriend in the next few days, so I'm just giving her the opportunity to explain the full truth herself, tell her I'm doing it to save my reputation with her family (I don't want them thinking I didn't love their daughter, and I'd like them to know how hard I fought), and hoping that before morning the fog lifts enough that she reconsiders.


This is why the BH has to do the exposure. You can only count on the WW to do damage control and lie.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Dude, you need to call them tonight. 

Because that is what she is probably doing. To say that you will try to slander her in a letter the family will be receiving. 

Also, you need to divorce, and STOP contacting her. 

And STOP doing anything for her. 
She doesn't want to be your wife anymore. So stop giving her the luxuries that comes with that title. 

And LEAVE!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Biggest pro rugsweeper I've seen in a while. Normally I'd say you're a cuckold for the most part, but your actions truly astound and trouble me. I think you are co dependent. 

Shes pretty much stepping on your face and your begging her to stay. 

Wake up already. 

I'm not to sorry to tell you, but the moment a wayward considers moving away with OM and actually did move in with him the marriage is dead and never coming back.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

This woman don't have to come back to you. You won't let her go.
You sound more codependent than in love.

Is she screwing you are him ???? Him !!!!! She play with you enough to keep you hanging in there. nd I don't mean sex play with you.

You REALLY need to get this woman out of your life, and get some IC.
With the issues I see in your writings, you are never going to have healthy relationships, until you get IC and fix your issues.

Besides, if you really love her, let her go. If its meant to be, she'll be back.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> I found a letter on our computer, written to her family to tell them the news. There are factual inaccuracies, such as that I agreed to the divorce and that she started dating her new boyfriend just after the separation.
> 
> I've corrected the errors and am presenting the revised letter to her tonight. We will mail it together tonight, or I will call her family in the morning.
> 
> I'm only giving her warning because she was already planning on telling them about the divorce and her new boyfriend in the next few days, so I'm just giving her the opportunity to explain the full truth herself, tell her I'm doing it to save my reputation with her family (I don't want them thinking I didn't love their daughter, and I'd like them to know how hard I fought), and hoping that before morning the fog lifts enough that she reconsiders.


*And this is why you fail!*

You are giving her a chance to set things straight????

Dude, she left you to bang and live with POSOM!!!

This why you have lost your wife.

Nice guys do finish last.

Read Will Kane's instructions. You do not write the letter together you big Wuss!

*You go see her family or you email them or call them.

-You tell them that your wife, their daughter has been cheating for months.
-You yell them that she has been sleeping with this guy for months.
-You tell them that she has been back and forth so many times that you have lost count.
-You tell them that the only relationship she is is good for is a relationship with a good shrink.
-You tell them that the only choice she has left you is Divorce. Not your desire but certainly her choice.*

And server her Divorce papers so she knows you are seriouse. Because a cake eater like your wife deserves real consequences.

Or do you enjoy your wife wiping her feet on your back everytime she comes home.

Expose the affair like she deserves.

Then tell us how good her Thanksgiving and Xmas at home with the POSOM went.

Wake up!
Get smart!
And start filling out the paperwork so you can have the life you deserve.

HM64


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> *And this is why you fail!*
> 
> You are giving her a chance to set things straight????
> 
> ...


:iagree:

If you don't do this you might as well do nothing and live going forward as you do now.


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