# Found Card and Picture in his glove box, thoughts???



## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

Hello everyone,

My husband and I have been struggling for along time. The marriage has been in trouble almost right away. We have grown apart due to his being a total workaholic and never around anyway.

Saturday we went to breakfast and to get some tires fixed and while I was waiting in his truck as it was taking forever to get two tires fixed. I thought well I might as well do something being his truck is always messy so he had a plastic bag in there so I thought I would tidy it up a bit. I was picking up old papers, napkins, rags and cleaning out his glove box and I came across a card at first I thought it was from me because the writing looked like mine but when I opened it here it was from his ex finance (about how much she loved him always and forever and that they were meant to be together) and as I looked further in his glove box here is a picture of her. Both items are in pristine condition in a messy mechanics truck.

I was crushed finding these considering we had issues with her before we got married and considering seeing in this whole truck all he had from me was a I love you note and a CD Sleeve which were both dirty and destroyed but her items were nicely taking care of in his glove box.

I didn't say anything to him about what I found. I hardly said anything to him on our way home and wasn't really in a good mood last night. We don't communicate well anymore like I said we don't have much of a relationship/marriage left so I really didn't know what to say because everything and anything is a problem.

She has been gone out of the picture (she left him for someone else) I believe for at least 3-4 years or better and is married with children. I don't even know when the card was from and I know the picture was from she was a teenager. He may not even remember them being in there I don't know. But it's just how we are now with our relationship and how he acts about her now versus when we got together I feel like a mistake he made and he should have chosen her and he regrets me daily.

He used to act like she was terrible to him and had these stories about how bad she was and he won the lottery when he met me and now he acts like she was wonderful to him and I'm the awful and mean one.

I just feel bad and feel at such a loss with finding that in his truck am I over thinking it? Am I just being insecure because we're in a bad place and not were I hoped we would be? It's always been in the back of my mind that maybe he wasn't over her and this so adds to it. Any advice would be so helpful.

Thanks


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Reattracting your husband is the way out of your issues. 

Read up on that. 

Take a look at posts in the Long Term Success in Marriage section and take it from there


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

How long has your husband had the truck?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you and your husband? Do you have children? How long have you been married?

What you have here is a ghost from the past. He was rejected for another and yearned for an ideal girl. This girl in his mind is ideal, but truly non-existent. You are the present. You are this ideal girl. See a marriage counselor to improve your relationship.

Your scenario somewhat reminded me of my high school boyfriend. We went to his and my proms. He was a year ahead. We went to other colleges and mutually decided to split up. We were not intellectually compatible. I had formal pictures of my high school dances and proms with my then boyfriend.

I knew that these pictures were a sore spot for my husband as my high school boyfriend wanted to rekindle our relationship when I was still single and at the beginning stage of dating my husband. I never dated him again nor placed him in a friend zone. As my ex-boyfriend was as good looking as my husband, my husband saw him as a threat. As a gift to my husband on our first wedding anniversary, I offered these pictures to him. He tore them in little pieces, burnt them in an astray and ground them in the garbage disposal. He was smiling ear to ear as he was doing this. It struck me as quite comical. 

Today, 35 years later, those pictures have become insignificant as I have so many more with my husband. We grew old together.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Was it buried toward the bottom of the glove box? That can explain its pristine condition and if he's had the truck a while he probably didn't even remember it was there. I had 7 years of receipts and mechanic work and insurance cards in my glove box on a car I recently got rid of.

Did you ask him about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

He has had it for over 10 years and we have been together for 5, they were together for 7. So I think she either gave it to him while they were together or when she knew I was in the picture and she was trying to get him back.


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## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

We're in our late 30's, no kids, married 3.5 years.


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## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

Yes they were toward the bottom of the glove box and no I didn't ask him about it, being there is such a sore spot when it comes to her with the crap she pulled when we were dating with her calling and not leaving him alone and him not wanting to be mean to her.

Seeming to be more worried about her feelings than mine, we have had fights about her. He seen nothing wrong with her calling just to say Hi or needing to call on Valentines Day wanting family members to hug him on our wedding day, he didn't see the motive. So I don't like even thinking of her, let alone hearing her name or seeing something from her, especially now the way he acts pertaining to her as if she perfect, when he claimed she took all his money, used him, treated him horribly, it was always all about her, she was immature, she cheated and now after all that how I end up feeling like he made a mistake choosing me when I'm the so called "good girl".


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

ak41 said:


> He has had it for over 10 years and we have been together for 5, they were together for 7. So I think she either gave it to him while they were together or when she knew I was in the picture and she was trying to get him back.


This indicates that he was not keeping it safe. He shoved it under all his other stuff in the glove box and left it there years ago. Some people do that when they don't know what else to do with something. They shove it in a corner - out of sight, out of mind - and forget about it. Maybe she gave it to him and he didn't want to toss it because you might see it and he just wanted it out. You don't know and at this point, talking to him about it will likely only make matters worse. He probably doesn't have any idea that it was there. This is very unlikely to have any bearing on anything that is currently happening.
What did you do with the card and photo?
What are you doing about your relationship now? Have you done any reading? Are you in therapy?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Was she invited to your wedding? Who invited her if she was in attendance? This memory seems to be a sore spot for you.

See a psychologist to help you with your self-esteem and insecurities. There is nothing more attractive than self-confidence in yourself. I believe that you are still the ideal one for your husband. Take the high road and stop being so angry. Focus on your well-being.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I agree with Cynthia. She probably left it on his car and he just shove it into the glove box and forgot about it. I wouldn't say anything about it to him because it would just make you look insecure. I would throw it out though.


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

I would throw it away and see if he notices. I think you'll know where to go from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

I didn't say anything about the photo or card to him, I just out them both back where I found them under everything else and kept it to myself and am seeking advice here.

I am seeking Individual counseling because I was brought up in a terrible environment as a child and my mother instilled many things in me that are affecting me as a adult that are affecting me just living my life but also are destroying my marriage whether my husband was awful or the most perfect man on earth.

She taught us not to trust anyone, she was negative all the time, she was abusive, mean, don't take any crap, even thought she has been gone deceased almost two years her sick thoughts still run through my head when she told you "your worthless and not going to be nothing but a failure and etc." So I think you can see were the insecurities come from and lead.


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## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

No she wasn't invited to our wedding but she remained friends with some of his family members and with FB was able to keep tabs on him and posted for someone to hug him.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You have insecurities about your husband's ex-girlfriend. She continued to have a "friend-zone relationship" with your husband and his family members. Is she still in that position with your husband today?

I understand how your mother affected your thinking patterns. I had a mother who was a "Tiger Mom". She made me so driven to achieve that I forgot what childhood meant and was very insecure about myself. I lived my teen years reading biographies of successful people. I made a decision to forge forward and write my own ending. I elected not to live my mother's life. 

Be open to your husband. Discuss your insecurities. Do not get angry nor blame him for anything. Perhaps, he will understand where you are coming from. Address that card and picture which bothered you a lot. Destroy those momentos. My husband expressed himself about how it bothered him to see me in the arms of another man (a rival in my high school pictures); hence, giving him those pictures which I knew that he would destroy.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I concur with the others saying that it sounds like it was stuffed there and forgotten. If he was looking at it, the picture wouldn't be pristine, it would be smudged and wrinkled. This isn't a *new* issue with her pining over her.

What you've come across is referred to as a _trigger_. It isn't a new problem, but a reminder of something in the past that hurt you. The picture could have been from before you even met. If you bring up the picture with him, bring it up about how it's a reminder of the hurt - not the center of your anger now.


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