# Dating others during seperation?



## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

I've read several places now that some people highly advise against this. The thinking being that once people start mentally moving on, it makes possible reconciliation that much harder..

Well, my wife was already having a EA for months before we seperated and it shows no signs of stopping during this seperation. Why should I be the monk in this seperation when she is not?

Is seperation not supposed to be the time to see what life is like without your spouse?


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Did it turn into a PA after she left?


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Separation is what you (two) make it to be. Every couple is different.

Do you want to reconcile with your wife? If so, then you why would you want to date other people? Your efforts should be about taking care of yourself and doing what's best for your marriage. That includes exposing the affair and setting firm boundaries with your WW. 

Now, if you don't want R, then do what you feel is best.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I'm thinking the same thing too..... but what if the other spouse moves on. Starts to see other people. 

I know that doesn't close the door to R but does put a huge barrier in thinking that you could get back together.

My wife knows how committed I am to her, I have been offered affairs and never took it. 

If she found out I was dating I really don't know what her response would be? It could be justification that I just didn't care as much as I said or have given up on the process.

I up in the air over that.

For me to date someone very special would have to come into my life for me to forget the love ( well not right now) of my wife.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree if you want to reconcile don't date. If you don't then its really a personal choice at that point. Just be wary of state laws in terms of divorce. Where I live if you date while still married it's adultery even if separated.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

What if the other moves on to date?


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> What if the other moves on to date?


That's his/her choice. 

But your choice comes down to whether or not YOU want to respect your marriage, your vows, and your own personal and/or spiritual boundaries. That is the real question. And, I don't think you would even be asking your original question if stepping over one of these boundaries didn't bother you. 

If you have no guilt, remorse, apprehension, or doubt about dating others, then why should it be a problem?


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

I already told her that if she had a PA, I will file for divorce in seconds. I may have to eat those words....

I guess you are right, if there is the slightest chance of reconciliation, I should not be dating. Especially since she is so jealous.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I know mine is... even if I just went out for the night to a club and she found out would eat her alive (at least that's what she used to say).

Maybe we both need a night out Lonley.. LOL


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Separation is really just a "Hall Pass" for the person that is messing up. It makes them feel like they are no longer having an affair.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

lifeisnotsogood said:


> Separation is really just a "Hall Pass" for the person that is messing up. It makes them feel like they are no longer having an affair.


So true. My STBXH told me, after we first separated, that he wasn't hiding anything (his affair) anymore. Still not true. He continues to hide. From everyone. Every day.

If his life is so great with the posOW, then why doesn't he call her his girlfriend (he still calls her his "friend")? Why doesn't he bring her to family events? Why have his visits with his family and kids reduced to almost nil? Why doesn't he tell anyone what's really going on with him (his family doesn't even know if he's still working)? Why doesn't he DIVORCE his wife?! 

The only thing he isn't hiding anymore is the fact that he is having an affair.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

I won't do it. As far as I'm concerned it's not over until the D goes in. 

That and if she doesn't have the respect for marriage to not do it, that's not my problem. I'm being the bigger person.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I agree if you want to reconcile don't date. If you don't then its really a personal choice at that point. Just be wary of state laws in terms of divorce. Where I live if you date while still married it's adultery even if separated.


I totally concur. If a non-philandering spouse has evidence that the adulterous spouse is active, even during a separation(as Texas does not recognize legal separations), then that evidence can be admitted in matters of child custody, child support, and property division.

While a lot of folks in these same situations are greatly influenced by the "tingling in their loins," they had best resort to using their "gray matter" until such time that the ink on the final divorce decree is fully dried!


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Problems I see with dating while separated.
1. Finding a woman that will date you even though you aren't single.
2. You aren't right in the head yet. Still soft from the split.
3. Highly likely you will have rebound relationship, hurt yourself and hurt the person your dating.
4. When your spouse decides separation is over then what? Do you really want to reconcile at that point?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

All good points...


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