# Im not married to the man I love



## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

I need some advice. 

I am 24, my husband is 26. 

Things within my marriage have been terrible for about a year. We've both been living separate lives in the same house. No sex, no intimacy. I love him. But it just isn't enough. We have had sex about 5 times in the past year. I always initiate, its very boring (I don't show that im bored) After i feel disgusting as he makes it seem like doing what we have done is just not nice. I love giving and receiving oral sex but he really isn't into that and i love foreplay but again he isn't into it. 

7 months ago I started a new job and met an older man, he's 44 and married. We got on really well. spent every night talking on facebook which eventually moved onto text and phone calls. We spoke about the problems within each of our marriages and just connected. The conversations moved from friendly advice to getting each other off, telling each other exactly what we wanted to do to each other. 

One night we let it happen, we swore it would never happen again. But it did, for months, we fell in love. 

He has been married for 20 years and has two kids, he's never cheated on his wife before and feels horrible for what he has done, but we fell in love. It got to the stage that the sex wasn't even that important. It was still there and still very passionate, but it was more about the spending time together. 

On Sunday my husband hacked my facebook account and read the messages between the other guy and I. I delete them every week but he read a part where i told the other guy that I loved him and that I wasn't in love with my husband any more.

My husband left and has been really good, he's living at his parents but has been here every day since to talk things through. we talked through all of our problems and agreed to give it another go, but slowly. 

This is what I want 100%, but I'm not in love with him, my heart is breaking but not because of my husband, because of the other guy. Not being able to see him is killing me. 

So i want to make things work with my husband, but i don't know first off how i get him to be more passionate in the bedroom and how i actually become attracted to him. 

I don't know if its unfair of me to try again when i'm worried that our sex lives may ruin us again. Will I be miserable of the sex never changes? I'm only 24, do I want a life without that key part?

Should I just tell my husband that I love him but can't be with him (be selfish) OR do I try my hardest to be happy with him. 

Even if i leave him, i could never be with the other guy, he is married and has kids and would never leave because he's too scared he'll lose his kids, which I completely understand. 


I just need some impartial advice. Please!


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

The reason you don't want to leave your husband is because you know the other man doesn't love you enough to break it off with his family. He's in it for your p*ssy.

An act of decency would be coming clean to your husband. Your call, but I'm not holding my breath.


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> I need some advice.
> 
> I am 24, my husband is 26.
> 
> ...


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

There are many issues here.

1. You are 24 and your OM is 44
2. Your OM is married and has 2 kids
3. From what you say, with your husband it has been romance and sex that has been lacking.
4. You have not discussed with your husband the issues.
5. Nor did you try counseling or any therapy.

You cheated and so is your OM.

What do you expect out of this? Fess up and take divorce. Look at the age gap between you and your OM.
Did you imagine the damage you both have done to your families?


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

"Never cheated on his wife before" Do you give him a lie detector test before you slept with him?

He is on Facebook casting for fish and he found one.

Do your husband a favor, you do not seem inclined to do the WORK necessary to make this a marriage. 

File for Divorce and let your husband find a wife who will honor her vows.

I advise you to never marry because once it become difficult you will look for a way out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell your husband what you did and divorce him. Give him everything in the agreement and take nothing. Then, stay single for a long, long time until you grow up and can actually be responsible enough to handle marriage. You are a child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already. 

What she does need to do is be honest about her feelings about their sex life. That advice is spot on.

Either 1) her husband isn't sexually attracted to her, 2) her husband masturbates regularly and doesn't have enough left for his wife, 3) he has a very low libido, or 4) her husband is gay

So he needs to tell her which of these four it is. No 26 year old man has sex with his wife 5 x in a year if one of these 4 isn't happening.

So to the OP - find out which it is. If you want the marriage to work, it starts there. And you will be lucky as hell if your husband really takes you back.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I think it's time to divorce your husband. You should of done this before the emotional affair took place. It's not fair to him what you did. This may create trust issues for him in the future.

This older man does not want a relationship with you, he only wants sex.

Work on yourself to make sure this doesn't happen with the next guy.

My ex cheated on me with several women and I knew it. I could never bring myself to his level and see other people until my divorce was final. I left him, divorced him myself. He now continues to cheat on his current wife, 3 times I'm aware of. She clearly knew he was married to me when he slept with her. I don't understand why she thought he wouldn't cheat on her.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Further to this - I think it is either #1 or #4. What guy doesn't like to receive oral? Are you kidding?


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

rrrbbbttt said:


> He is on Facebook casting for fish and he found one.
> 
> .



We work together, he is an engineer i am a project manager. He didn't go looking for this. we spent a lot of late nights in work and got on really well. 

I also did try with my husband all of the advice i was given I took and tried to change things. I never went out looking for him and he never went out looking for me. 

I have been completely honest with my husband, when he questioned me about it I didn't lie, i told him exactly what had happened. Whats the point in lying

I dont need people to tell me how horrible I am. I know this, I hate myself right now. My husband wants to work through this and come out the other end. I want that too, but I'm scared that the same problems will arise. I will never do what I have done again, but what sort of life is that for me and him. Doesn't he deserve someone who loves him for him and who isn't just staying with him because that's what he wants.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> Either 1) her husband isn't sexually attracted to her, 2) her husband masturbates regularly and doesn't have enough left for his wife, 3) he has a very low libido, or 4) her husband is gay


..or 5) she lies.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you been honest with your husband about your sex life and how you feel? Until you resolve the issues that left you open to cheating, your reconciliation is not likely to work out for either of you. You say you won't do this again, but I'm pretty sure you didn't plan on doing it the first time.

What was your sex life like before you got married? Has it always been the way it is? Personally, I think you should think long and hard about whether the two of you are compatible in this fairly key area. If you're not, stating together just because he wants to is a pretty poor reason. Get out now before there's kids involved.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> We work together, he is an engineer i am a project manager. He didn't go looking for this. we spent a lot of late nights in work and got on really well.
> 
> I also did try with my husband all of the advice i was given I took and tried to change things. I never went out looking for him and he never went out looking for me.
> 
> ...


You are clearly in fog and I am sorry for that...Your husband is willing to give your marriage another chance but you are talking about leaving,and again you are taking the easy way out just like the first time with cheating instead on working hard to fix the problems in your marriage...

Marriage is not a fairy tale,thats something that you need to work on,its suposed to be for better or worse and not only for better and when its not good to go and cheat and crush the other person in your marriage...

Its easy to be selfish and find someone to cheat with,its easy to find a new realtionship but the hard thing is to keep the spark in an relationship for a long time and for that you need trust,honesty and respect and thats where you failed...

And I think no one said it before but you need to quit your job if you work with OM because you need to go NC with OM to be able to work with your husband on rebuilding your marriage...

My advice is to search until you find a good MC that can help you and your husband to recover from this,be transparent and stay away from the OM...

Good Luck


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get a divorce.

In the future, don't cheat.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't think you're going to fix your marriage. You don't seem to actually want to - your words sounds like you are just going through the motions. On your current path, you with rationalize a reason why your husband is the one who made the marriage unfixable - and not your choice to cheat.

Tell you husband to contact your affair partners wife and let her know what a cheating jerk she is married too. 

That way your OM can be honest with his wife and family about how he has chosen to betray them and stab his wife in the back.

then when she kicks his butt out the door, and sues him for every dime he has, you and he can move into a little cheap love shack together. It gets better though - when your 45 he'll be 65 so he'll be able to start collecting social security and the two of you can live off of that.

See, the problem is everything you wrote here is about "what you want, what you want" there isn't a single ounce of either remorse or regret. None. You don't feel at all bad that you've destroyed the marriage of another woman, who likely has 20 years invested in this guy. You have destroyed the family of two kids who won't be having family vacations with mom and dad and who won't have a grandma & grandpa's house to bring their kids over to visit. 

You trashed another family when you chose to cheat with him. Yes, he bears responsibility too for this, but it takes two to tango.

You also trashed your own husbands faith and self-esteem. He will never be the same. Ever. 

but there isn't any remorse in you for these acts. Instead your justifying your decision to have a cheap affair and cheat with complaints that your husband didn't have sex with you enough. Sorry, but did you actually seek out any kind of sex therapy or counseling before you walked away and had this ongoing affair?

Until you grow up enough to realize the horror and cost to others of your choices you will fail at any relationship because relationships require empathy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your thread title says it all


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> I have been completely honest with my husband, when he questioned me about it I didn't lie, i told him exactly what had happened. Whats the point in lying


No you haven't been. Instead of working with him to fix what you were missing in the marriage, you decided to put huge amounts of effort into building a emotional and sexual relationship with a married man. 

You did this deliberately, and you took steps to hide it from your husband.

If you had been at all honest with you, you wouldn't be here.

If you are now being honest with him, show him this forum so he can see the responses and get support too.

Tell him to contact the OMW and tell her about her husband cheating with you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> Even if i leave him, i could never be with the other guy, he is married and has kids and would never leave because he's too scared he'll lose his kids, which I completely understand.


If your husband came here for advice he`d fix this problem for you by exposing your affair to the other mans wife.

Has he done this?
Do you think he will?

AS to your OP in general if I were you I`d simply divorce.
You`re not happy, trying to make yourself happy will only make you less happy, there are no kids involved.

End it, start over.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Married 20 years. He has been married to this woman for almost as long as you have been alive. Of course he is a bit bored. Of course he is flattered that you slept with him. Of course he tells you that he loves you, he probably does on one level. 
He is attentive, worldly and lasts a while in bed. 
This love is transient. It has no future because of your age difference and that he is married.

Well done for ending it. It is very hard to end, but do not mistake intensity for intimacy, longing is very seductive and believing that you have forbidden love is intoxicating.

If you have no feelings for your Husband, leave him without having the affair. You may still be able to be friends then. 

Realise that your Lovely Engineer Affair partner can not and will not leave his children for you. His wife who had his children and supported him in every way that mattered will be devastated and the children's lives and mental health affected . Suicide is discussed here often on a BS discovery.

I am not beating you up. I want you to think about the things that an affair with a married man costs. 
He is not yours. 
He never will be. 

Your young. made a choice to have an affair and now the consequences are going to hit you. Maybe see your Doctor and get some chemical help to help you get over the extreme sense of loss you will be feeling for your AP.

The feelings will last about 3 months. Make no decisions until you are over the dopamine hit.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I'm short on time so I'll keep my post short and blunt. 

Pull your head out of your ass - K? You've been sold a fantasy, something totally not based in reality. Do you really believe that a man some twenty years older than you, with years of his life and kids invested in a marriage is going to sail off into the sunset with you? And even more - do you really believe that if he did the two of you have any chance of building a successful marriage together? If you're sitting there thinking "yes" you're probably thinking along the lines of "but we're soul mates" or "love conquerors all." I got news for you - THIS AIN'T LOVE!!! It's an affair - if anything it's the antithesis of love. It's all lies, deceit, total self indulgence and selfishness. 

If you really believe you do not love your husband - fine divorce the man and let him move on. But don't for a second believe that you can give him or your marriage a fair and honest evaluation while your involved in an affair - you can't do it. 

And so you don't dismiss me as a betrayed spouse with an axe to grind - I'm a cheater to. My affair went along the same lines - I didn't slip into actual sex but I'm guilty of almost everything else myself.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

First thing, regardless of how sexless your marriage is , you had an affair with a married man with kids. Shame on you. You did not have to ruin his marriage for your own selfishness. What did his wife do to you? 

Why did you not separate and find a single man to date if your marriage was so horrible. The OM will never leave his kids for you. Even if he did, you will have a winner that leaves his family for young pu$$y. I don't know what causes a young woman like you to take such horrible decisions at 24 years. You have a good life ahead of you. Don't muddle it up with affairs, cheating , married men and other sh!t.

Separate from your husband. Dump the married man. He is a user and is ruining your life(ie with your help. And you are destroying his life. Both of you have no future prospects because of the decit your relationship was built on). Take some time off. Change jobs if you have to. Be single for a while. Decide where you want to go from there


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So you're destroying two marriages and hurting children 

Wow.

He'll never leave his wife, you know. You are just some young chick to bang. Women have waited YEARS for a man to leave him family. But he won't.

AND WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM TO!?!? How selfish and disgusting.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already.
> 
> What she does need to do is be honest about her feelings about their sex life. That advice is spot on.
> 
> ...



This post is offensive and reeks of sexism and ignorance. Enough said.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I went through a very, very similar situation - with one crucial difference: I wasn't married. He was 25 years older than I was, married (though he lied to me and said he was divorced), and the affair lasted 5 years in my early 20s. It destroyed almost everything good about my life. It was very hard to recover from it - I too thought I was in love with him etc. That's NOT love. Please listen to the advice here. These posters know of what they speak. 

But know this: you are being taken advantage of by someone who sees you as nothing more than a young hot lay. 

I think you should come clean to his wife. She has a right to know that her husband and the father of her children is sleeping around (you think you're the only one?) and putting her at risk of STDs.

Were you EVER in love with your husband? If you two decide to stay together, you're going to need counseling. And don't go having any kids for at least another 8-10 years. Get this totally sorted out first. He may decide in another 5 years that he can't deal with it.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

whats the point? you already know the answer...

you f*cked up BIGTIME. don't kid yourself, its over.

You can stretch it out if it makes you feel better to "try" but... it's toast.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already.


That's not what I read. All I saw was he found a few e-mails she forgot to delete. She hasn't told him the particulars.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> That's not what I read. All I saw was he found a few e-mails she forgot to delete. She hasn't told him the particulars.


As soon as he asked me I told him everything. As soon as he read the emails he called me and I told him everything. 

Haven't seen the other guy since obviously and never want to see him again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wonder if you o nly want to work on your marriage now that you see the OM isn't leaving his wife.

Your post went from "We fell in love" several times to "I want to work on my marriage" to "I'm not sure things will change."


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> Haven't seen the other guy since obviously and never want to see him again.


Don't you work with him? How does that work?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Divorce your husband. You do nobody any favors by having your heart committed to another man.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Caprica ,I understand you came here looking for help and the some of the responses you're going to get will seem harsh but most of them are just trying to get you to understand the gravity of your actions. Most people on here have been cheated on so they know the pain of infidelity.

It isn't about you being a bad person, both you *and the other man* have wrecked two families and his children risk living in a broken home. Put yourself in his wife's position and imagine the agony she will go through if she finds out what happened. You might be a mother some day, pray this doesn't happen to your family. This isn't a man to fall in love with caprica, they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. In all honesty you're morally obligated to tell his wife.

I'm not going to give you the "you shoulda,coulda,woulda" line but like others have said, it's best to divorce your husband and find a compatible partner. 

At 24 sex shouldn't be an issue with you two, you're both young and virile and frankly regaining attraction to your husband will be a steep climb. Take this as a sobering lesson to what infidelity causes.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder if you o nly want to work on your marriage now that you see the OM isn't leaving his wife.
> 
> Your post went from "We fell in love" several times to "I want to work on my marriage" to "I'm not sure things will change."


I love the other guy, not seeing him or contacting him is tearing me apart. It hurts but I know I deserve that. 

I never expected or wanted him to leave his wife. What I'm worried about is fixing things with my husband and being in the same situation again years down the line.

I know I can work at this and make my marriage work and I know thats what my husband wants, but I don't know if its fair on ether of us to do this. I want to prove to him im sorry and I know I can do that, but should I put him through that. Or should I hurt him more now so he'll be happier without me in the future. 

I want to fix things, I just need to make sure that fixing things is right for both of us.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Don't you work with him? How does that work?


Were both on holiday for three weeks for Easter and then I get a transfer. i have to see him in work, but the thought of being with him makes me sick.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You can't fix anything when you're still in love with the other man.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> We work together, he is an engineer i am a project manager. He didn't go looking for this. we spent a lot of late nights in work and got on really well.
> 
> I also did try with my husband all of the advice i was given I took and tried to change things. I never went out looking for him and he never went out looking for me.
> 
> ...


When this happened to me I quit my job. I was the chief technical person in my company. An enviable job for a tech. My marriage was more important.

You must go NC with this other guy. That requires you to change jobs. 

The NC will allow you to go through withdrawal. You will find then that you can work on your marriage. Also you will view your history in a different light. In other words WSs do some amount of history re-writing. You are probably not being honest with yourself. Not saying there is not an issue but your view is tainted right now as you have fallen in love with another and are not thinking clearly and need to feel justified. This is a protection mechanism otherwise we realize we have done a terrible thing. It is how people cope when they have done wrong. 

Likely your relationship is a combination of the two of you. I suggest you both do His Needs Her Needs and establish better boundaries. My wife and I did this after my EA and it made a huge difference.


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## strikethree (Mar 8, 2012)

Your husband is probably in bargaining right now.

Just wait until anger hits. You two have an extremely uphill battle and you don't sound all that remorseful in order to make it.

And really, by him taking you back after the affair it will just destroy whatever shred of respect you had for him (which clearly isn't much).

You two are young and don't have kids. You should just divorce and find other people.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Caprica_six said:


> I want to prove to him im sorry and I know I can do that, but should I put him through that.


No.



Caprica_six said:


> Or should I hurt him more now so he'll be happier without me in the future.


Yes.



Caprica_six said:


> I want to fix things, I just need to make sure that fixing things is right for both of us.


No, you don't. Nice try. Caprica, There is no one to impress here, we know you don't want to feed the hungry, you don't dream of world peace, and your not thinking about what's best for other people.

C'mon. Be honest with yourself. What's best for your husband is of no concern to you. You are thinking of your needs and your happiness. 

Move on. It's what's best for you.. If it helps you sleep and looks good on your self image resume.... It's also what's best for him. Leaving is a very selfless act, your a good person deep at heart, and all that stuff. blah, blah.

What ever you do, please STAY AWAY from that man and his children. You don't want to live with that.

For the record, Im not trying to be harsh with you, this is just reality. The reality is that this is a brutal situation that you have put yourself, and a lot of other people in. This is not a movie, or a TV show... People are going to get some really deep scars, lives are going to be changed forever... and some of those lives belong to innocent children.

Your young, go live your life. Your deserve happiness, and joy and all the things life has to offer. Just not a the cost of destroying other people.


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

I am sorry to see you in such a fix but believe me it is only a temporary thing. The emotions that you feel for your work colleague are nothing more than just emotions and will one day fade away. Your marriage is the real deal here that you should be working to save. I dont believe that there is anything that you cannot sort out if you commit yourself to it. Your marriage is what you need to concentrate on and one day you will learn to love each other.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Let us see how remorseful you are. Can you call his wife and confess the affair?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I see that you liked ThatGirl's comment above. There is your answer.

What are you looking for? You already know you don't love your husband--you said so yourself. You guys barely have sex and I imagine you haven't even been married that long (going off your ages here).

You said:



Caprica_six said:


> *I love the other guy,* not seeing him or contacting him is tearing me apart. It hurts but I know I deserve that.





Caprica_six said:


> On Sunday my husband hacked my facebook account and read the messages between the other guy and I. I delete them every week but he read a part where i told the other guy that I loved him and that I wasn't in love with my husband any more.


Meaning, your husband find out about the affair on his own. Just a few days ago. Meaning you didn't come clean to him yourself. Meaning, that is less incentive for you to even want to stay in the marriage. 

Stop kidding yourself, girl.



Caprica_six said:


> This is what I want 100%, but *I'm not in love with him, my heart is breaking but not because of my husband, because of the other guy.* Not being able to see him is killing me.


It sounds like you just want justification as to why you should leave. And honestly, I think you should get a divorce. Because you admittedly do not love your husband. To me, nothing could be more cruel/selfish than staying with him if you do not love him. It's like committing fraud. With someone's heart.

Cold as ice.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder if you o nly want to work on your marriage now that you see the OM isn't leaving his wife.
> 
> Your post went from "We fell in love" several times to "I want to work on my marriage" to "I'm not sure things will change."


BINGO!

Caprica, do not devalue your husband to #2. He is not your fallback. He is not your safety net. He is a man who is in love with you and did not deserve to be cheated on or treated like a doormat.

Be merciful and divorce him. He will hurt for a long time. He will hate you. But after a while he will move on and find someone who can love him for who he is, and not some pie-in-the-sky wonder-man like you are looking for. Such a man does not exist.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And I know a lot of these posts seem harsh (they are meant to serve as a wake up call to you) yet at the same time--it doesn't even sound like you're compatible with your hubby on an important fundamental level-you want a sexual relationship with him and he doesn't with you.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> This post is offensive and reeks of sexism and ignorance. Enough said.


Okay Warlock, you tell me why he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. I suppose I forgot he could be also having an affair. Seriously, find me another possible answer that is more feasible than my set of possbilities.

It is clear the issue (at least from her) is their sex life. So I'm trying to get to that issue. 

Maybe you find masturbation, low libido or homosexuality as offensive, but these have all been legitimate reasons for sexual problems in dozens, if not hundreds of these posts and threads. I'm actually trying to help the OP here, which is what I thought the point of this site was.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Subi said:


> I am sorry to see you in such a fix but believe me it is only a temporary thing. The emotions that you feel for your work colleague are nothing more than just emotions and will one day fade away. Your marriage is the real deal here that you should be working to save. I dont believe that there is anything that you cannot sort out if you commit yourself to it. Your marriage is what you need to concentrate on and one day you will learn to love each other.


I disagree. I don't think that this marriage can be saved. Sexual needs are oftentimes different for each partner in a marriage, but only being intimate five times in one year is a serious issue.

Obviously, cheating on her SO was not the solution. Others have mentioned counseling. However, now we have the pall of infidelity hanging over an already troubled marriage. They're both young and it's probably time for them to cut their losses (especially since there are no kids involved.)


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> Okay Warlock, you tell me why he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. I suppose I forgot he could be also having an affair. Seriously, find me another possible answer that is more feasible than my set of possbilities.
> 
> It is clear the issue (at least from her) is their sex life. So I'm trying to get to that issue.
> 
> Maybe you find masturbation, low libido or homosexuality as offensive, but these have all been legitimate reasons for sexual problems in dozens, if not hundreds of these posts and threads. I'm actually trying to help the OP here, which is what I thought the point of this site was.


It was sexist and offensive because it implied that the husband was at fault for the affair and that the *husband* has to fix the sex life or their marriage will fail. 

No, it is the wife's fault she cheated. It is up to *her* to feel remorse and *want* reconciliation. She has stated quite clearly that she *doesn't* feel remorse and that she *doesn't* love her husband.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Wow I've read this same story so many times on here..If you aren't in love with your husband then stay alone, on your own. It is what it is. Don't give him false hope
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

CantSitStill said:


> Wow I've read this same story so many times on here..If you aren't in love with your husband then stay alone, on your own. It is what it is. Don't give him false hope
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


TAM is a triage for the maritally wounded.

They just keep coming and coming. It's tragic.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

kittykat09 said:


> It was sexist and offensive because it implied that the husband was at fault for the affair and that the *husband* has to fix the sex life or their marriage will fail.
> 
> No, it is the wife's fault she cheated. It is up to *her* to feel remorse and *want* reconciliation. She has stated quite clearly that she *doesn't* feel remorse and that she *doesn't* love her husband.


KittyKat - believe me, I know it's her fault. I am a BS!! I guess I made the leap from that to the next step of how to get to the root of why she cheated, and to see how they could fix it if they decided to reconcile. If I implied it was his fault, that was not my intention at all. 

I just assumed everyone knew she was at fault already - and was moving on to the next phase of this. Skipped a couple of steps I guess.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> KittyKat - believe me, I know it's her fault. I am a BS!! I guess I made the leap from that to the next step of how to get to the root of why she cheated, and to see how they could fix it if they decided to reconcile. If I implied it was his fault, that was not my intention at all.
> 
> I just assumed everyone knew she was at fault already - and was moving on to the next phase of this. Skipped a couple of steps I guess.


I in no way blame my husband for what happened. I chose to do what I have done, Im not proud of myself. I want to love him again but need to sort out the issues that lead me to cheat in the first place or well both end up miserable.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Does the other guys wife know? Because once (BS) she finds out, the OP (Caprica) may find out that her affair partner doesn't love her as much as she thinks. 

This could help Caprica come out of the fog and look at her husband in a different light. 

Really if the other mans wife has not been told, she needs to know.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

no matter what you already both are miserable..it doesn't go away now that you cheated
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

I would also like to point out that I have told my husband that Im not in love with him and that I want to be. 

We both feel that we can work through this and make it work. 

But it would seem most of you think I should give up and let him go find someone else. 

I guess I don't want to do that. I dont want to be divorced at 24 without even trying.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

But did you also tell your husband you don't love him and that you're in love with the OM as you posted here??? 

Cause he needs to know that. Today.

Your own words: 

*I'm not in love with him*


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> But did you also tell your husband you don't love him and thatyou're in love with the OM as you posted here???
> 
> Cause he needs to know that. Today.


yes, i have told him that. He knows this. I told him when we spoke about everything. He said he wanted to try and I explained that I did too but I was still in love with the other guy and I didnt know how I could switch those feelings right away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, you may want to get into counselling/therapy to find out why you did this to not only your marriage, but someone else's marriage and family.

That is major.

* 

I guess I don't understand--if you say you don't love your husband and are in love with someone else, why do you want to stay married? it makes no frickin sense.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Also, you may want to get into counselling/therapy to find out why you did this to not only your marriage, but someone else's marriage and family.
> 
> That is major.
> 
> ...


Because I did love him, we both got lazy and stopped caring and I messed up. I wish I had tried to fix things before i dont something stupid but I didn't. 

I know we can be fantastic together because we have been in the past. We just have to work to get back there. I hope


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caprica--you need to block the OM from your FB (and phone and email, etc). Does he know your husband knows? Did you husband say anything to him?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Because I did love him, we both got lazy and stopped caring and I messed up. I wish I had tried to fix things before i dont something stupid but I didn't.
> 
> I know we can be fantastic together because we have been in the past. We just have to work to get back there. I hope



Going full no contact with the OM is the only way to fall out of love with him and out of the fog you are in. No texts, no calls, no nothing. 

*You need to quit your job, this week.* 

If you and your husband have are going to have a go at it, then you need to be 100% transparent to your husband in every way. You need to stop avoiding conflict and uncomfortable talks with your husband. Men are not psychic, and we cannot "read" women to know what they want. 

It sounds to me like you never brought your true concerns or feelings to him back before the affair. Thus you never gave him the opportunity to work on the problems in the marriage and show you he could be the husband you needed him to be. 

No, instead you hoped he would read your mind, and when he didn't you allowed your resentment to build a wall between the two of you, choking out the passion and love you had for him when you were newlyweds. 

This avoidance behavior on your part has to stop! This is one thing that you must work on in counseling if you and your husband are ever to begin communicating. 

Once communication between the two of you is restored, then the feelings will return. When the feelings return, the physical attraction should come back. But during all this, you will have the additional burden of dealing with his anger and his triggers, and it will take years before he ever gives you his trust again. 

Are you strong enough to stick it out?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caprica--how long have you been married? How long has your relationship been with your husband?

You had an affair that lasted almost a year. That is a long time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> One night we let it happen, we swore it would never happen again. But it did, for months, we fell in love.



Caprica,

Excuse me if I'm dense, but does this mean the affair went physical?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Out your affair partner to his wife. You'll find your love quickly fading as he calls you every name in the book, including crazy and a liar to his wife.

You are nothing but a nice young piece of meat for his use, you are nothing but a service provider. That's the reality of who you love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Caprica,
> 
> Excuse me if I'm dense, but does this mean the affair went physical?


Duuuh (no offense, Bandit, lol)


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You and your husband need to get tested for STD's. These are the consequences to affairs. Good luck.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> KittyKat - believe me, I know it's her fault. I am a BS!! I guess I made the leap from that to the next step of how to get to the root of why she cheated, and to see how they could fix it if they decided to reconcile. If I implied it was his fault, that was not my intention at all.
> 
> I just assumed everyone knew she was at fault already - and was moving on to the next phase of this. Skipped a couple of steps I guess.


Righto.  My apologies then, I thought you placing blame on him. XD In the context you meant it, your post makes sense and you're right that in the case of reconciliation he would need to make changes as well.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Caprica--you need to block the OM from your FB (and phone and email, etc). Does he know your husband knows? Did you husband say anything to him?


Yes he knows my husband knows. I haven't spoken to him since. deleted from facebook blocked from email deleted number & asked him not to contact me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good! And I agree with Bryan--you & husband need to get tested STAT for STDs.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Good! And I agree with Bryan--you & husband need to get tested STAT for STDs.


Well My husband doesn't! 

But yeah, 

also, we have been married for 4 years, was with HIM for 5 months


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You haven't had sex with your husband at all since the affair began?


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Ive tried, 

like i said the first while of this was just text fb chat and phone calls. 

I always initiated sex with him but he was never in the mood. we had sex once since I met the guy but never since I slept with him.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Duuuh (no offense, Bandit, lol)


Okay, okay....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Caprica_six said:


> Ive tried,
> 
> like i said the first while of this was just text fb chat and phone calls.
> 
> I always initiated sex with him but he was never in the mood. we had sex once since I met the guy but never since I slept with him.


It is possible your husband has low testosterone levels. Have you ever had him checked?


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> It is possible your husband has low testosterone levels. Have you ever had him checked?


Ive never thought about it really. 

he is very manly, goes to the gym all the time etc. 

hes always been like this since we met. He is very shy and conservative in that department and im the opposite. I have spoken to him about this before but he just gets embarrassed and shy about the conversation.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Is it also possible your husband detected in his gut that you've pulled away and he hasn't felt desire for you because you abandoned him emotionally, and the physically?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Are you planning on informing the OMW of the affair? She deserves to know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

WhereAmI said:


> Are you planning on informing the OMW of the affair? She deserves to know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's for him to tell his wife. My husband chose not to and I have no desire to.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Caprica_six said:


> That's for him to tell his wife. My husband chose not to and I have no desire to.


Doesn't sound like remorse to me then?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> Ive tried,
> 
> like i said the first while of this was just text fb chat and phone calls.
> 
> I always initiated sex with him but he was never in the mood. we had sex once since I met the guy but never since I slept with him.


So...when was the last time you had sex with your husband?


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Doesn't sound like remorse to me then?


Im not remorseful because I don't want to tell his wife? That's his life not mine. Ill fix things with my Husband and he can deal with whatever he chooses to do with his wife.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> So...when was the last time you had sex with your husband?


The last time I had sex with him was November, before that in June.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> That's for him to tell his wife. My husband chose not to and I have no desire to.


Well then he will be contacting you again for more consequence free (to him) sex since he knows he can and that you will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Well you did sh!t on her life didn't you? That is her husband you [email protected] for 5 months. It is a different matter if he was a single guy. You guys did not have affair in vacuum. It was in real life while she is married to him


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He can't contact her now since she's blocked him, (thank God).
Unless...at work--which is why she needs to leave that job.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Well then he will be contacting you again for more consequence free (to him) sex since he knows he can and that you will.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Umm, no, I won't. I made a mistake, I realise that. Im not going to make it again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Well you did sh!t on her life didn't you? That is her husband you [email protected] for 5 months. It is a different matter if he was a single guy. You guys did not have affair in vacuum. It was in real life while she is married to him


Actually -- 7 months--the affair started about 7 months ago according to her original post.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Caprica_six said:


> The last time I had sex with him was November, before that in June.


How bout when you guys were dating and newlyweds? What was the frequency then?


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

I started the job 7 months ago, the emotional affair started about 6 months ago the physical almost 5


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> How bout when you guys were dating and newlyweds? What was the frequency then?


Frequency has always been poor when we first slept together it was every other day for about a month and then it gone less (Obviously) 
when we were married we didn't sleep together for months after our wedding and for months before it.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Well you did sh!t on her life didn't you? That is her husband you [email protected] for 5 months. It is a different matter if he was a single guy. You guys did not have affair in vacuum. It was in real life while she is married to him


This and Shaggy's post, completely. If you were remorseful you would realize that his wife deserves the truth as well. His feelings shouldn't matter to you- dealing with his wife is HIS problem and you should not be protecting him from her. You are leaving loopholes for future affairs with the guy. You can say you won't, but if you were serious there would be scorched earth going on here.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> Umm, no, I won't. I made a mistake, I realise that. Im not going to make it again.


I know you intend to, but I'm guessing you didn't planon cheating either with a marred man. The fact is affair partners do return, fishing to reopen things and you need to plan for it.

He may say , how are you feeling? Is your marriage working out? Wanna have coffee? He will be caring, kind and sensitive. He will deny wanting anything. If you give him even an inch, he will push and push until you are in bed with him again.

Just wait he will do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Caprica_six said:


> Frequency has always been poor when we first slept together it was every other day for about a month and then it gone less (Obviously)
> when we were married we didn't sleep together for months after our wedding and for months before it.


Then why in the hell did you marry a man with whom you were not sexually compatible? My god in heaven!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

@caprica, get you husband tested for sexual problems. The frequency is abnormally low for a guy in 20's and for the marriage to work. He might be embarrassed but you need to push for sex therapy for the marriage to have a chance. Without that there is no hope. 

Are there any resentment issues in the marriage?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I guess I don't understand--if you say you don't love your husband and are in love with someone else, why do you want to stay married? it makes no frickin sense.


Makes perfect sense. 

She didn't say she wants to be married. She said she doesn't want to be 24 and _divorced without trying_... huge difference.

Guilt and image maintainance. 

*Q:* If the marriage ends right now, what caused the marriage to end? 
*A: *"affair"

*Q: *If the marriage ends in a year, after they both "try" to fix it, what caused the marriage to end?
*A: *"compatibility"



Caprica_six said:


> Even if i leave him, i could never be with the other guy, he is married and has kids and would never leave because he's too scared he'll lose his kids, which I completely understand.


(see above) There isn't a fantasy land future with OM. Of course she wants to "try". 

and there is NO WAY IN H3LL this poster tells the OM's wife anything. 

Listen.... Don't get snowed here. This is not about her conscience, or doing whats right. 

It's massive damage control.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> I started the job 7 months ago, the emotional affair started about 6 months ago the physical almost 5


Want to be the OM has actually prayed on new girls before? Let me bet, he reached out to be your work buddy, and he listened etc.

I've seen guys like him in so many offices. A serial scumbag that goes after the new girl.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

First, he had to decide whether to reconcile with you or not. Then, you have to decide whether you want to also.

Then you guys need to get to the bottom of this sex frequency thing. He sounds embarrassed about it, but does he realize what you need? If you get to this step, you need to demand honest communication/counseling about it.

He could be embarrassed for any of the reasons I mentioned before. Maybe he has low libido and feels like less of a man. Maybe he's sexually confused and doesn't want to admit it or talk about that possibility. Maybe he has a porn addiction and gets himself off 3-4 times a week and is spent (sorry). People do have this addiction and aren't proud of it.

I think the possibility of him not being sexually attracted to you anymore is out the window, considering this started even before you got married.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Then why in the hell did you marry a man with whom you were not sexually compatible? My god in heaven!


I never thought it was a huge problem, everything in every other way was so good. Best friends done everything together. I thought I could live with the sex thing. 

I realise now that its a bigger part of life than I imagined. 

We became friends and not lovers. We need to be both for this to work.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I still maintain this isn't salvageable--unless he actually steps up to the plate and has sex with her and she womans up to figure out why she fel tht eneed to cheat on her marriage and the other man's. 

You guys are so young to be living in a sexless marriage. Is your husband even at home yet?? What did he say everytime you wanted to have se x? What if he doesn't want s ex again? What will you do? What if he doesn't want to have a sexua l relationship with yoU?


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## X-unknown (Oct 14, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already.
> 
> What she does need to do is be honest about her feelings about their sex life. That advice is spot on.
> 
> ...


I think there is a #5 and #6 that should be added to the list. He might have some kind of hormone problem. *Thyroid or Testosterone. He might have depression. I would get those checked up on right away.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I still maintain this isn't salvageable--unless he actually steps up to the plate and has sex with her and she womans up to figure out why she fel tht eneed to cheat on her marriage and the other man's.
> 
> You guys are so young to be living in a sexless marriage. Is your husband even at home yet?? What did he say everytime you wanted to have se x? What if he doesn't want s ex again? What will you do? What if he doesn't want to have a sexua l relationship with yoU?


If he doesnt want to then I can't stay in it. That sounds selfish, but I can't live without it. 

But its not just the sex I need, I need someone to look after me, I don't have any parents and I need him to help me through that. He has known that since we got together so its no surprise. 

he isnt home yet. He has been here every day to talk things through but can't stay. Which I understand completely.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The gay scenario may not be that far fetched. We've seen it here before.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caprica_six said:


> If he doesnt want to then I can't stay in it. That sounds selfish, but I can't live without it.
> 
> But its not just the sex I need, I need someone to look after me, I don't have any parents and I need him to help me through that. He has known that since we got together so its no surprise.


TELL HIM THAT. Today.

And you need to listen to what he needs from you.

I hate to sound like a cynic but...... I don't really see this improving cause it's been happening for so dang long and you haven't even been married that long.


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## Caprica_six (Apr 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> TELL HIM THAT. Today.
> 
> And you need to listen to what he needs from you.
> 
> I hate to sound like a cynic but...... I don't really see this improving cause it's been happening for so dang long and you haven't even been married that long.


Hes heading over for dinner RIGHT NOW so im going to go get ready for him. 

Thank you guys for your advice, Ill update tomorrow.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dinner? It's only 3 where I am. Now I am hungry.

Good luck, Caprica!


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

I have to say that TAM is the ONLY board I post on, and it often brings the worst out in me when I respond to some of these people, which I usually feel guilty about later on. However, I don't really feel any guilt in posting this for obvious reasons.

Pit absolutely nailed this situation in post #93. NAILED IT!

*But it’s not just the sex I need, I need someone to look after me, I don't have any parents and I need him to help me through that. *

Wow, that’s rough. I wonder if you gave any thought to the AP’s kids and the likelihood of your affair severely affecting their parents and access to them. I’m guessing NOT.
I wonder if you gave any thought to the AP’s wife and HER desire for her husband to look after HER. I’m guessing NOT.
I wonder what you possibly “bring to the table” that makes you wife material: certainly you are fu(k material, as evidenced by the affair that you had, but what benefits do you offer to your husband as a partner? 
You can’t be trusted.
You have no ethics. 
You are an absolute coward (First, for not discussing these issues in depth with your husband but instead deciding to run off and fk some other dude, and SECONDLY, for not womaning up and telling the OW, which we all know you won’t do NOT because you are concerned for her well being (because you have already demonstrated you could give two sh!ts about her or her children) but because at some level, you are aware that this will COMPLETELY ruin the fantasy that everyone here but you can see that you still live in: your prince charming will be outed and instantly transform into the evil troll that, in reality, he IS). You have no remorse for any of the terrible things you did to multiple people, INCLUDING CHILDREN.
In short, you appear to have all the qualities of a sociopath. What, in your mind, can you offer your husband who, short of lacking in the sex department (which you have made no serious effort to confront and fix), seems to be an otherwise decent human being? I’m very curious as to what you think qualifies you to even be in a marriage to begin with? So far, the only reason you appear to want to work it out with your husband is for financial security. I can only hope your husband wanders onto this site so he can learn how to properly deal with someone as unethical and unremorseful as yourself. 

All that said, I truly wish you the best in your future forays in cheating on your husband with married men with children. I’m sure it will alllll work out for you in the end and that you’ll be much happier for it. Best of luck.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

KirkSpock said:


> I have to say that TAM is the ONLY board I post on, and it often brings the worst out in me when I respond to some of these people, which I usually feel guilty about later on. However, I don't really feel any guilt in posting this for obvious reasons.
> 
> Pit absolutely nailed this situation in post #93. NAILED IT!
> 
> ...


:rofl: I totally understand the bit about responding to some people here bringing out the worst in you, and I am in agreement with you and pit-of-my-stomach. I don't buy it. I hear no remorse, just excuses and lots of attempts to draw attention from the actual issues at hand.

Even now it is down to "give me sex or I'm leaving" despite the fact she says she doesn't love him. Um, which is the bigger issue? Even if he gave her everything she wanted, she wouldn't love him.


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

That's the "poor little me" attitude that so many people use to justify the terrible things they do to others. I'm sorry about your parents, but KirkSpot is right. You gave no thought to his children. 

You want more sex and someone to look after you. What does your husband want? Do you ask about his needs?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

KittyKat, sometimes I wonder why I come here: the advice and information are AMAZINGLY helpful, but the aggravation and anger I feel at reading some of thee posts just can't be good for my health


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Caprica_six said:


> Because I did love him, we both got lazy and stopped caring and I messed up. I wish I had tried to fix things before i dont something stupid but I didn't.
> 
> I know we can be fantastic together because we have been in the past. We just have to work to get back there. I hope


Hope is not a plan.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

So you met a good friend and married him because you don't want to be alone?

Now you met an older man, more assertive and sure of himself, settled down and more mature. In other words you're looking for a daddy to take care of you and fill some void you're missing.

But you want sex also. Your husband fills everything but the sex part.

Did you and your husband have crazy sex before getting married or was sex always been the same? If it's always been the same then it's probably not gonna happen and it might be time to find another father figure that will have sex with you.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You cheated and destroyed your marriage. You also destroyed the marriage of someone else whose kids are going to suffer the side-effects of your thoughtlessly horny and sleazy behavior.

Decide whether you want to beg your husband's forgiveness for all eternity or whether you just want to go out and have a good time. 

I don't think you're mature enough to be married and I don't think you love your husband. 

In my opinion, you should divorce the guy so that he can find someone who does love him and you should go off and find someone to hook up with -- and hopefully you have enough sense to break up with the married guy whose home you're wrecking.


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## happymarriage178 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi,
First know that marriage requires work. Second, I think that it is awesome that you have been given an opportunity to start again and save your marriage. Not many are given that chance after an unfaithful situation, and you should be grateful for that. Remember that marriage is a covenant of love where you CHOOSE to love everyday of your married life. Never forget your vows, specially the part that talks about being together through the goods and the bads. Marriage takes some work, but the basics you need is love and a willing heart that fights for what is right. Don't be ashamed for what you did, but repent from it (that means turn your back to it and move forward). Crap happens and we all make mistakes. Don't listen to the condemnations on this page, the one witouth fault can throw the first rock ...Open your eyes and seek good, don't let your feelings and hormones blind you and keep you from doing what is right. It is only through un-selfcentered love that you can gain what you need. 
Open your heart to your husband, let him know how much it hurts to not feel loved the way you need to feel love. Say it without pointing a finger at him, and do that in love and with love. Seek counseling if you need it. I recommend you read a book called 5 love languages, whether you are religious or not, it helps. Not everybody feel love the same way.
He may have some stuff he also needs to share with you. Ask him if there is anything on your side that needs to be fixed or that you could do to improve the situation. Maybe there are some things on your side keeping him apart. Hopefully he will open up to you too.
I am 28 and my husband is 29. We have been married for 4 years now, and I do also desire that passion and romance that we all dream of. Not like we never have sex, but I am more leaning towards the everyday passion, not only during intimate encounters. I logged in here today because of that. Earlier, when my husband got home I gave him a hard time (again) for not being passionate and super hugging (sort of what you see in the movies-the look in each others eyes-in love kind of look thing). He took it the wrong way and thought of it as nagging, and asked me why I always point at the wrong and not the good things he always does for me. It really made me think, because he is right. He is pushed away by my "nagging" at him about hugging me and passionately kissing me lol.. silly I know... but you know, he is right, he is too good for me to nag at him about this (he actually kisses me and hugs me all the time, just not the way I have pictured it in my head)... SO I will think of and enjoy the support, encouragement, protection, love he shows me through other things, while I wait for him to give me my portion of passion and romance that I dream of.

Maybe you can think of those things too, look at the light and the good in him. Highlight it and tell him about those things. Say sorry for nagging and start loving on him the way he feels love. Things may change for your benefit, and you can get the attention you want and deserve. Try and you may get surprised.


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