# Why?



## String (Jul 30, 2009)

Why are women afraid to share their sexual fantasies? My wife says she doesn't have any but I find that hard to believe.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

String, this is a great questions. 

It begs the question too that should married people need to share everything. What if i for example, love to look at the body of a young girl in my office or if i can't help wondering what a neighbor looks like naked or what if i fantasize about having sex with some random stranger and never see them again. Even if/especially i have no real intention of making these fantasies a reality is bringing them up necessary, helpful. Sometimes they can be potentially hurtful to the other person. Suppose a man wanted to sleep with a slender girl when his wife is full figured What if she fantasizes about a man with an enourmous di#$% and you are average or small. What if she secretly thinks about jumping your best friend or brother's bones. What if she wants to be wisked off to paris and make love in a lear jet and you, despite your best efforts will never be able to provide her that kind of lifestyle. 


I agree with you. it is hard to believe your wife doesn't have fantasies. I would encourage YOU to get creative and tell her yours and or do some things in the bedroom that may get her creativity going...perhaps not. I would say let it go. On some level can't we just have our own secret fantasies. Is that so bad? Should all our thoughts/fantasies need to be shared?


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## String (Jul 30, 2009)

You do make good points but would women share their "innocent" fantasies to help bring excitement into the relationship? I would never share a fantasy that would hurt my wife or create any insecurity. My intentions would be to spark up our sex life and if I could do so by fulfilling her fantasies and help her feel more comfortable with me and help her realize she can be open with me I think things would be much better.

I'm I wrong in my thinking or intentions?


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## MWife (Aug 19, 2010)

I, don't think I really have any fantasies. At least none that I can think of off the top of my head at the moment. But what tjohnson said does make sense. I wouldn't wanna hear my husbands fantasies if they were all about screwing a skinny girl..I'm not super skinny myself..I had a baby, I'm covered in stretch marks, and I'm SUPER self conscious about my post baby body. I was self conscious before I got pregnant, which I wish I wasn't, because I had a rockin bod! But it would definitely hurt my feelings if he sat there and told me he wanted to F*ck a supermodel lookin chick.


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## Sad_in_NY (Jun 23, 2010)

String - I voiced the same confusion before. As men, we are bombarded with Cosmo covers and Sex and the City where women are embracing their sexual imaginations, but you and iare married to women with no fantasies.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

the media displays sex in an unrealistic fashion IMHO. TV, Movies, print...none of that is everyday lifelike. i suppose for some it may be, but not many married couples i know and thats quite a few


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Some people have fantasies, some don't; some do only under certain conditions. I used to have a few fantasies. After I met my boyfriend, I don't really fantasize anymore...if I do, it's generally about him. That's not to say there's anything really wrong with fantasizing about another person; I just don't. And even if I did, I don't know that I would tell him. Partly because I wouldn't want him to feel that he's not enough for me, and partly because it's a fantasy. Often, they are better left as such, and my boyfriend with his Mr. Fixit nature, would probably try to make it happen, and I wouldn't want that. 

If she says she doesn't have any, just accept her at her word and leave it alone. Badgering her about it won't change anything. It'll just irritate her and make her even less likely to share anything with you in the future.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

For us it's the exact opposite. My wife has shared all of her fantasies, and she has a LOT of them. She continuously asks me mine and as honest truth, I don't really have any! 

I am so vanilla it's actually pretty funny. All I need is my wife and her to be nude and I am like a kid in the candy store! Some people honestly don't have fetishes, fantasies, etc. We are just more grounded in the overall experience, then in any details. For us, just being together and being intimate is enough. That doesn't make the person with our without fantasies any better or worse. We are all just different!

Now are you talking about if one of us says something like "Oh wow, he/she is cute"? My wife and I tell that to each other all of the time. She nor I have any problem pointing out members of the opposite sex to each other.



atruckersgirl said:


> Some people have fantasies, some don't; some do only under certain conditions. I used to have a few fantasies. After I met my boyfriend, I don't really fantasize anymore...if I do, it's generally about him..


QFT!


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Some things are better left untold. I don't want to know my husbands fantasies, and I will never tell him mines. My fantasies are my ''innocent secrets'', and I would never share them with anybody. I don't think that knowing your partner's fantasies will help in any way your relationship and especially your sex life. What if our fantasies are not about our partner? Are we going to be honest, sincere, or telling her /him what she/he wants to hear, and vice versa?! We will never know the truth, anyway. 
I don't know but usually we dream of things we can't have, or do in our regular life for to many reasons.
If my husband has fantasies about me, I don't want him just to tell me blahblahblah, but to realize them.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Deb* said:


> If my husband has fantasies about me, I don't want him just to tell me blahblahblah, but to realize them.


You know, I was going to type something to this topic, until I saw this quote by Deb.

Now I don't have anything to say or add that would be any more valuable and will simply step aside.

Other than to wish I could take a small stick and smack any good men beside the skull that is not reading that quote many times until they get it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Crypsys said:


> For us it's the exact opposite. My wife has shared all of her fantasies, and she has a LOT of them. She continuously asks me mine and as honest truth, I don't really have any!
> 
> I am so vanilla it's actually pretty funny. All I need is my wife and her to be nude and I am like a kid in the candy store! Some people honestly don't have fetishes, fantasies, etc. We are just more grounded in the overall experience, then in any details. For us, just being together and being intimate is enough. That doesn't make the person with our without fantasies any better or worse. We are all just different!
> 
> Now are you talking about if one of us says something like "Oh wow, he/she is cute"? My wife and I tell that to each other all of the time. She nor I have any problem pointing out members of the opposite sex to each other.


 Me & my husband is exactly the same way, I have them, he claims he doesn't -just says I fullfill them all, that is all I ever get (not that I am complaining with such an answer) . But I still keep hoping for something more than that, so I continue to ask from time to time. 

I guess my sexual imagination is more vivid, maybe wanting than his. He is so much like Crypsys, but that is somewhat releiving to hear that other guys are this way. For a time, I was feeling he was a little odd. True, we are all just different. 

I LOVE sharing my fantasies with him, so I think it would bother me personally if my man had them, but didn't want to share them with me -no matter what they are. But yes, The ultimate is to just Reenact them -right here, right now (if at all possible of coarse). Set the stage & act it out. That is definetly superior than just talking about it .


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