# Childfree couples



## TheLuckiest08 (Jun 2, 2008)

I was wondering if anyone on here is "childfree," meaning that you don't have children _by choice_. 

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years, and we are both turning 30 this year. Neither of us have ever wanted to have kids.

Lately I find myself wondering if I will, in fact, regret this later in life. I wonder what if my husband passes away...I don't have a ton of friends (I'm a little on the shy side - makes it hard to meet people). I would be pretty much alone. I certainly wouldn't want to have a child out of fear (although I think there's a lot of stupid reasons why people chose to have kids....). Not only that, but there's no guarantee that your kids will even be around to take care of you when you're older anyway. 

I still don't want to have kids, but it's this fear that I have that's making me wonder if I'll regret that choice when I"m old and it's too late.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

My ex-husband and I were the same way. Neither of us wanted kids. My choice was based on time, patience, money, etc.. I am too self centered to be a mother. I do not want to make someone else the center of my life. I would have to give up my horse, hobbies, travel, luxuries,etc.. No one knows for sure if you will regret it later. Just try to make an informed choice now. Having children to take care of us when were older and ill, trying to relive our childhood through our kids, etc.. not a good reason to have children. If you have friends who have kids offer to babysit and see what caring for children is like. Although I've also been told it's different when their your own kids. No one can make this decision but you and your husband. Just make sure you are BOTH on board. When the time is right and I start dating again, I won't be dating a man who has children either. Good Luck


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

those who have children and those who don't are like two groups of people who vacation in different places. one group vacations in paris and shares wonderful memories of the eiffle tower, arc de trumph; the other vacations in in italy and has wonderful memories of the collosio.

the memories are different, but just as exciting. and so life with children and without is exciting in different ways.

i will tell you with a sense of literary impotence (couldn't resist) having a child enriches your life and yourself in ways unimagninable to those who don't have children and profoundly changes the world because you've brought a life imbued with your values into the world.

i'll end saying 1nurse makes many fine points and i'd like to amplify one: babysitting to see what it's like to be a parent is like jumping off the bottom stair waving a towel over your head to see what it's like to skydive.


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## purplecatgirl (Jun 27, 2009)

I'm 33 and earlier in my life i also decided not to have children. My husband and I when we got married discussed it and agreed that we would not have children. A few months into our marriage my father died in his sleep and 2 weeks after that my mother was in a horrible car accident and was in ICU for almost 5 months. My father didnt have a will and this caused some problems with his estate as the state divided it out not taking into account my mother on some things. Because she was in the hospital I had to do most of it. When she got out of the hospital I told her she needed to do a will so we didnt have those same issues when she passed. While helping her with that I realized that I will have noone to pass my things down to, like my great granmothers vanity that came down to me from my grandmother to my mother to me. It stops at me. That was a wake up call. But then I thought some more on it and talked it over with people and my own mother and found that I have nieces a nephews that these items can be passed down to. I'm a twin so i felt some comfort in that. I am also shy and dont make friends very easily but family will be there wether it be aunts uncles nieces or nephews. I am still holding on to not having children. My reasons are i just dont think I would be that great of a parent. That and I guess I am a doomsdayer and the society of today and the future just doesnt appeal to me for raising a child. I mean a read how a 12 year old girl sued, and won, her father because he grounded her and wouldnt allow her to go to a sweetheart dance and her school. She said she was emotionally damaged. You can no longer disipline your children... i dont mean spanking as i dont fully believe in that but to have your right to control your kids taken away by the court. That is just to scarry for me to take responsiblity for. That and my nieces and nephews are great loving kids that I see all the time. I guess that sounds like I am selfish but I dont feel that I am.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Nothing wrong with this, it's not required law to reproduce. Enjoy your freedom!! ha ha.....


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I dont have kids and dont know if i ever will.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

we have three children love them to death...

But I admire couples that have the freedom to go places and have their opwn lives. I truly live for my children.

Enjoy your life and have fun. Don't worry about the "what if's" just worry about the "what is"


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

TheLuckiest08 said:


> I was wondering if anyone on here is "childfree," meaning that you don't have children _by choice_.
> 
> My husband and I have been together almost 10 years, and we are both turning 30 this year. Neither of us have ever wanted to have kids.
> 
> ...



I never had kids by choice and so far no regrets. My husband has 3 by a previous marriage and they are nothing but problems and grief for the most part. We are concerned his oldest daughter because of her habits and lifestyle will start dropping babies and we will get stuck raising them. We discussed this and we both agreed we aren't going to do it. She is going to have to buckle down and start being responsible at some point and if starts with her unplanned pregnancy, so be it...
We aren't going to be enablers. 
btw, I'm 50 and have no regrets yet. Maybe for a brief moment sometime int he future I may but so far, not even a twinge of regret.


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## Hera (Jun 30, 2009)

Many people have kids and regret that later on.

There is no major life decision we make that does not have the potential to turn into a regret, regardless of which path we choose.

Go with your gut.


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