# I Am A Real Man



## not-a-real-man (Jan 18, 2016)

My user name is not-a-real-man. 

I chose that user name because my former wife of 15 years told me that 2 or 3 times a week for 15 years. She also frequently told our 3 boys- Your father is not a real man. Every day at least once she screamed at me, insulted me, and belittled me- whether or not the kids were present. That's all I'm going to post for now- but there is more I'll describe later.

I'm a new member and this my first post. This is also my first visit here. I posted just an introduction to my abuse to see if the group is active and if my story is posted in the proper area.

Thanks


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

I think the term "real man" is pretty much only used as an insult by claiming that someone doesn't meet some arbitrary standard.

Certainly there are things desirable in all people - honor, courage, honesty, etc, but complaining that someone is not a "real man" doesn't describe what is missing.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Welcome

She should have been your former wife sooner. 

Tell us more about your history and situation? 


Have you read Deejo's sticky thread, http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-better-man-better-partner.html? 

or 

Dr Glover's "No More Mr Nice Guy"?


Best


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

not-a-real-man said:


> My user name is not-a-real-man.
> 
> I chose that user name because my former wife of 15 years told me that 2 or 3 times a week for 15 years. She also frequently told our 3 boys- Your father is not a real man. Every day at least once she screamed at me, insulted me, and belittled me- whether or not the kids were present. That's all I'm going to post for now- but there is more I'll describe later.
> 
> ...


The best part of your opening comment is the phrase *former wife* because you were in a bad situation. Hopefully you've been analysing how things got to that point and how it stayed that way for however long it did. It seems too common to see a bulldozing personality slowly morph into flat out abuse. Look back and try to figure out where your part in the dynamic. Maybe you were just blind sided with an impossible situation but we can almost always find things to learn from after a failed relationship.


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

not-a-real-man said:


> She also frequently told our 3 boys- Your father is not a real man. Every day at least once she screamed at me, insulted me, and belittled me- whether or not the kids were present.


I daresay a real woman wouldn't feel the need to sling insults at her own husband, in front of the children or otherwise.

You're better off without her!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

A real man usually has a real wife. You do need to stick up for yourself.

I hope you are cutting that sh!t out of your life except info about the kids.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

not-a-real-man said:


> My user name is not-a-real-man.
> 
> I chose that user name because my former wife of 15 years told me that 2 or 3 times a week for 15 years. She also frequently told our 3 boys- Your father is not a real man. Every day at least once she screamed at me, insulted me, and belittled me- whether or not the kids were present. That's all I'm going to post for now- but there is more I'll describe later.
> 
> ...


Only one post in. Scrap this account and get one with a username that does not define you in terms of a hideous woman from your past. You do not have to justify why you are a real man here, it is not an issue.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

A real man you say? Do you like cats? You might want to get one from the shelter because...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You had the misfortune of marrying a heinous, cruel bat who was as useless as a wife as she was as a mother. Her words said more about herself than about you. Get yourself a different screen name and thank God you have been liberated from the clutches of a hateful psycho. Whatever she thinks you are or aren't, no decent woman would run a man down to his own young sons. So you weren't the bat's cup of tea. That only leaves you about 3 billion others to choose from.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Pinocchio? All grown up I see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

May not be a real man to your standards but your a real lunt to everyone's standards

And ask a mod to change your name to ex2lunt its fits better


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Pinocchio? All grown up I see.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I seen that :rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Pinocchio? All grown up I see.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahaha glad to see I wasn't the only one with that image lol


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

real men make tough decisions in life. pull up their boot straps and thrive. sounds like you!


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

Your ex is lucky she lives in this current era. 

Such dismissive, blatant disrespect. Glad you left her.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

Yes it is posted in the right area, or at least not in some incorrect area. You could post this elsewhere too, such as "Life after Divorce".

So what are you doing to recover? Why did you stay so long? Any idea why she behaved that way? How do you think it impacted your boys?


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## VHVGN (Nov 24, 2015)

Sounds like she was not a real woman. I would not take anything she said in that regards to heart. Glad you no longer are with her. Good move!


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

She sounds like a real winner. *eye roll* A real woman isn't an abusive, emasculating harpy. Hope you're seeing a counselor for the trauma this probably caused. How're your kids doing? You don't mention their gender but either way this is pretty messed up for them to hear on a regular basis and I hope you're talking to them and getting them help if they need it. I'm sure all of this is taking its toll on them and you too. It takes strength to make a decision like separation/divorce in an abusive relationship, especially if kids are involved. Kudos. You are a real man, obviously. And I hope you know that after everything you've been through. But I also hope you're getting to the place where you don't need a woman to tell you that in order to know it. Stay strong.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's the test to determine if what she says is true. If you hear her say that to you a third time, she telling the truth. If you can't draw a hard line in the sand, just accept that she's right.


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