# children of anxiety?



## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

I've written on these boards before about my wife's anxiety issues. First off, let me say our relationship isn't terrible, overall we get along alright and we do both (in our own ways) try to make the marriage work. I love her dearly....

My wife's contributions to our issues are almost all rooted in her anxiety. It can be as minor as her refusal to drive on highways, or more major things. Because of her anxiety, she has next to no patience (especially for myself and our kids), will avoid anything that pushes her out of her comfort zone with a passion, to her lack of sleep (due to her overactive anxiety-fueled imagination) to our declining sex life (which is my primary love language). Her anxiety roots itself in so many behaviors, attitudes and positions (she has more lines in the sand than I can list) - I can fill up a page with how her anxiety permeates our everyday lives. I'm a fairly laidback guy, so I can deal with it but after almost 15 years - its wearing me out. 

She refuses to treat it with medication, she believes it won't work and will bring about its own intolerable side effects. 

*My long-winded explanation leads to this question*: is there anybody here on these boards who are the children of heavy anxiety sufferers? How has that affected your relationship with your high anxiety parent now? How has those attitudes/behaviors affected how you are in your present relationships?


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I did not have a high anxiety parent but I did have a high anxiety grandmother, who I was sent to live with for three years while still a child. It was a very damaging experience for me as I found the only way to survive living with her (she was also hypercritical) was to fall ill (psychosomatic, though it was not identified at the time). It was a really miserable time of my life for me. She really was a nightmare to live with.

My relationship with her was never very good after that and it left me with problems for a long time.

I am sorry that you have your problem with your wife. Is there any other way besides medication that could help her?

Good luck.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

She likely needs to talk with a therapist, someone who can help her with coping skills when it comes to the anxiety. Even if she was taking medication, thats only going to do but so much.


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

I thought I had anxiety, but it turns out that I was just vitamin d deficient, especially in winter. I take 4000-6000 IUs of vitamin d 5 days a week most of the year, and I almost never feel anxious now....it was bad for a while. 

I'm not saying that it only comes down to nutrition for your wife, she might need therapy too, but nutrition is a seriously overlooked contributor to mental health issues. Maybe you both can look into it together. She can get blood work done.


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## beachwater (Mar 10, 2014)

Yes, I was unaware that my mother had GAD until I was an adult. It made issues in my life clear. Your wife needs a therapist and a psychiatrist. CBT works, but it may require medication to help in the meantime. 

Do not let this continue because it will affect your children.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Short answer - it depends

Long answer - may not matter as much as you think.

My wife has anxiety issues as part of her overall laundry list of BPD issues. I have over-planning issues (I tend to compensate by over planning) but I'm usually pretty laid back. 

Our girls are both college students, one has always been anxiety central  and the other supremely confident, worse than me.

So from my limited experience it depends. Show your kids that a lot of anxiety can be overcome with planning, alternatives, etc etc. Counseling of course is an option.


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