# Convince him this is right.



## rosiebud22 (Apr 18, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and have 2 kids. It has been rough. He has been emotionally abusive throughout the marriage, to both me and our oldest. He has done things such as- threatening to break my deceased grandmothers things, kicking in doors, being manipulative, etc. I have filed for divorce in the past and backed out because of supposed change on his part. Recently, I told him basically that enough is enough, we need to split. He then called a marriage counselor, who after our initial visit suggested that he get one on one therapy before marital therapy. He has agreed to do this. But, i just feel done. I'm tired of "trying" and "working". I have realized that I enabled his behavior the entire time, so I don't "hate" him, or feel angry towards him, I just want out. Is it possible that too much damage has been done? The main reason I got back with him the last time, is he made me feel absolutely guilty...would call me crying, begging, talked about plans we had made together, brought up the vows, etc. How can I convince him that this is best, without him guilting me into staying?


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You can`t, if you`re done you`re done.

You just have to have the strength to end it regardless of what he does or doesn`t do.


----------



## rosiebud22 (Apr 18, 2012)

Also, financially, we can't afford to split up before saving for a few months. The house we live in is owned by my parents ( we rent from them). I have considered opening a savings account for him to start over. I don't want to just kick him to the curb, and have him scrambling for somewhere to live, etc. I just want him to have a successful life, and after years of acting like his mother, its hard to leave that role. It's like i'm an enabler...if he's not okay, then I'm not....it's awful. I'm making myself absolutely miserable, so that he'll be okay.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Rosiebud:

If he can STILL guilt you into staying, then maybe you're just not ready to leave him yet. You may still be too emotionally invested in the marriage to leave yet.

When the time is right, you will KNOW it. There will be no doubt in your mind. You will no longer be angry with him/his behavior. You will be beyond anger, because the opposite of love is indifference.

Are you there NOW? Only YOU know.


----------

