# I don't like that my husband smokes pot



## Alexandria

About a year into our relationship, my husband stopped drinking, which I thought he did too much of and picked up smoking pot, real or that fake stuff. He spends lots of money on it and smokes it quite a bit, like every day. When he does not get it, he gets cranky and when he smokes it, I think it makes him nicer, but may be affecting his sexuality a bit. I wish he would quit, but he won't. Ideas? I don't smoke pot, cigarettes or drink.


----------



## All of a sudden

He won't quit until he's ready to quit most likely. He changed one habit for the next. 

You can tell him you love him and that you would really like him to stop because its affecting your marriage.

If its beyond recreational and its a deal breaker for you time for consequences. If he wants to pick you over pot, then great. If hes picking pot over you start making consequences and sticking to them. Its no fun being sober 24\7 and being around people drunk or high. Start by ignoring him when hes high or leave the house, go have fun. 

Best of luck


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

This would be a deal breaker for me. I would not marry another man who smoked pot or did illegal drugs.


----------



## Alexandria

It seems to make him happy, but I don't like it, just like I don't like how he smokes. I have tried to tell him it is all bad for him, but I might as well be talking to a wall. I mean I love him, I just don't like this. Well, there are other things, but I was just wondering what other people thought.


----------



## anonim

tell him you want him to stop, cite your reasons why and then wait to see what he does.


----------



## Alexandria

I have done that.


----------



## trey69

He traded one addiction for another, it sounds like he has an addictive personality which makes things way harder to stop. He needs counseling, to learn coping skills and healthier things to replace these addictions with. However, you can't make him go, but you can take care of you. My suggestion, its one thing to not like something someone is doing, but its another if its an actual deal breaker. If this is a deal breaker for you, then you will need to get things into place, and figure out what you need to do to remove yourself from the situation.

You could try counseling yourself, and maybe a counselor could have some suggestions as well. If its not a deal breaker, then you still need to learn to take care of you. It hard to watch someone you care about fall by the wayside because of their behavior/choices, but sometimes letting them fall until they hit rock bottom is what needs to be done.


----------



## nice777guy

...and he's choosing his dog over you?

How long have you been married? Any kids together?


----------



## KHC223

I don't have alot of advice, except deal with it NOW! 

I've been married ten years and my wife smokes and I don't, now I'm totaly involved with my step kids and grandchildren and don't want to be with anyone except her.


How do I stand behind a ultimatum? 

Deal with it now it will only get harder. Good Luck


----------



## solarkat78

to nice777guy, please i need to talk to you personally about why you are fighting for your wife, or why you did and perhaps you could help me cause i cheated but my husband is just wanting a divorce, he doesn't want to fight for me at all, nor will he allow me to fight for him now that i know i am wrong. what can i do? can you help me convince him to try to work on our marriage?


----------



## Alexandria

Solar, yes, it is weird because I am never drunk/high. I have to take some meds to sleep, but I don't ever get high. When I was young, I went out and partied a bit, but that was 20 years ago.


----------



## Alexandria

Trey, with all of this dope legalization, it seems like people think pot is cool, but it is a f-ing drug, end of subject. It impairs people and people go way beyond using it for medicinal purposes, they use it to escape reality. Reality can suck badly, but I can't imagine always being high.


----------



## gbrad

Drugs like weed would be a deal breaker for me. That is not something that would be tolerated at all.


----------



## solarkat78

agree, definitely ppl are using it as an escape


----------



## wiigirl

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> This would be a deal breaker for me. I would not marry another man who smoked pot or did illegal drugs.


:iagree:


----------



## Alexandria

solarkat78 said:


> agree, definitely ppl are using it as an escape


. He has a great life, great job, has no disabilities like I do, so I don't see the reason to escape. He did alot of drugs in his youth too. I guess some people are just like that. I know for a fact alcohol would be a major deal breaker. Most of the time I can't even tell he is high. He acts normal. I guess if I spent the money, time and energy to "get" high, I would really want to feel high. Maybe he does, but I can't see it. When I have gotten high, I could barely move, felt like crap, ate alot, had back pain, could not see, etc. I guess I am a lightweight.


----------



## MariaDroste

If he has not yet given up pot even after you gave him so many reasons for quitting it then I don't think it will go away so easily. Have you tried addiction counseling? he might hesitate a bit initially but is an effective way when it comes to getting rid of addiction. The process might not be a bed of roses initially but once he gets into it and decides to quit pot, it won't be that difficult either.


----------



## trey69

The choice will be up to you as far as what you are willing and not willing to live with.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I think if it's a dealbreaker for you then he should know that and know you are prepared to leave him if it doesn't stop.
He does seem to have an addictive personality.


----------



## Bean05

My husband is the same way and we have fought about it for years. We have been together since I was 14 and I turn 30 in a couple of months... I even have letters he wrote to me in highschool telling me that he would stop smoking and drinking so much. Unfortunately, I believed him and we got married and had a baby who is now almost 2. I found a bunch of pot in the garage and decided I was done. We have been separated for almost 8 months now and it's REALLY hard. Especially having a child together because I feel conflicted about leaving even though I've told him many times that is what would happen and I am tired of dealing with it. 
I have realized that he will NEVER quit. He has still been smoking since I've been gone but can't seem to understand why I won't come back. I feel your pain.


----------



## Sunny Days

You really need to talk to him about how you feel. I've been with my husband for 17 years and he has always smoked pot. I do not but have never really cared until the last few years that it has gotten really bad, leading into many other deal breaker situations for me. I didn't speak up as firmly as I should have and I regret that now. My husband is/was a functioning pot head and I didn't always know how much he did, taking care of and driving with the kids too. I caught him many times doing it at 5 in the morning and told him to stop, but he didn't. He has since quit, at least what he tells me but only because I left. I don't have an addictive personality as such so it's hard to understand why, yes I'd like to escape reality to, who wouldn't. Addictions switch too as recently I caught him drinking a beer at 5 in the morning with lame excuse and he seems to like his vodka. I guess what I'm saying is I hit a wall, so talk to your husband and be stern because one day you might wake up and it could be too late.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HuggyBear

He traded drinking for marijuana.. that does say a lot

Some would say - without even knowing anything else about the guy - that it's an addictive personality. Some people say "to escape reality"... 

Others recognize "self medication".

Plusses: he stopped drinking, makes him "nicer". Pretty big plusses.

Minuses: costs money, he uses the known harmful "fake" stuff.

I'm not going into the moral quagmire of legal/illegal, especially when some people would say drinking some is ok, despite the fact that it's WAY worse for your health, even in moderation, and that it may vary with location. 

I'm not going to say it's harmless in adults, because you can get bronchitis, or other irritations that won't cease until use does, and there are safety issues, such as driving.

If it were medical marijuana, much like your sleep meds are medical, would it still be an issue? If he used a vaporizer, or took it a different way that would, in fact, make it *almost* harmless, would that make a difference? If it were free, like tomatoes, would that affect he way you feel?

I've had a few friends and family members who used weed for their own "issues", and when they did get to the right doctor, and got the meds, things changed, and never for the better... but they were "off the pot"! This is the reason why I have to mention that in and of itself, regular, moderate marijuana use can be healthy.

If he's using it out of boredom, though, that's another issue. Having no personality, talent, imagination, or other gifts can cause trouble in a man. That's where you have to come into the picture.

The most important thing for you to do is to get him off the "fake stuff", and yesterday at that. That deserves "zero tolerance".


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Alexandria said:


> Trey, with all of this dope legalization, it seems like people think pot is cool, but it is a f-ing drug, end of subject. It impairs people and people go way beyond using it for medicinal purposes, they use it to escape reality. Reality can suck badly, but I can't imagine always being high.


 Alcohol is a drug too.Impairs people and is even called the social lubricant...people use it as a way to escape reality.


----------



## eyuop

ScarletBegonias said:


> Alcohol is a drug too.Impairs people and is even called the social lubricant...people use it as a way to escape reality.


This is only true for those who abuse alcohol. I drink occasionally, but I've never been buzzed or drunk in my life. My rule of thumb has always been to never drink more alcohol than the legal driving limit. That way I never need to worry about getting a DUI or abusing alcohol.

I've never heard of anyone using pot (or other drugs) for any other purpose than to move into a slightly (or greatly) altered state.

However, I have had another vice instead .


----------



## purplereign

Alexandria said:


> About a year into our relationship, my husband stopped drinking, which I thought he did too much of and picked up smoking pot, real or that fake stuff. He spends lots of money on it and smokes it quite a bit, like every day. When he does not get it, he gets cranky and when he smokes it, I think it makes him nicer, but may be affecting his sexuality a bit. I wish he would quit, but he won't. Ideas? I don't smoke pot, cigarettes or drink.


Speaking from someone who drank through his 20's and smoked pot for about 13 years and quit after my wife asked me to ... people use drugs for a reason, whether it is to cope with someone, something or to "check out". The reason for this is because it's easier to drink or do drugs than to deal with the underlying problem. In my case it was a lifetime of abuse by my father. Smoking pot helped me forget about things and be nice to everyone, including my dad. It got to the point where I needed it everyday to function or I felt like I was going to go crazy. Pot is a pretty dangerous drug in that after awhile you get numb to it's effects and usually people that deal pot have other stuff lying around or you run into other drugs and try them and get hooked on something worse. In my case it was pills, then heroin then methadone.

With the help of a strong partner really taking the time to talk to me about it and keep on me - being that it's either my marriage or the drugs and then not letting me choose the drugs and helping me through my addiction to the point where I enjoy being sober a hell of a lot more than I ever did being high.

You know your husband and if you don't know why he uses you owe it to yourself and your relationship to find out why. It's not easy - nothing about being married and having a good marriage is - but it's what he needs and sometimes loving someone is not about doing what they want. it's about doing what is best for them and your family.

You really can't have a family if your partner is doing drugs or drinking - legally or illegally. It's not fair to you or your children.

That's just my spin on things. Church family and changing your life really helps. I'm now 2 years sober and about to be a father for the first time. I'd never go back to using but you need to understand addition is a lifetime battle. I can't go to the doctor without my wife because I can't get a prescription for pain medication without having it tightly controlled both for my benefit and our families. That's just reality.


----------

