# My update after 1 year



## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

It's been a bit past a year since I finally listened to everyone on here and divorced my wife. She ended up moving in with the OM and they have a kid together that is funny enough.... about 1 year old. Apparently they wasted no time upon the finalization of the divorce.

Anyway, they are together and happy. I've been great this entire past year and have focused on my job. Granted I am working over 60 hours per week typically and most weekends, but it's working out of the home which is great.

When I left my ex I gave it some time and tried to get back out into the dating world but it didn't work out. I find women beautiful and attractive but just had zero desire to be intimate with any of the women that I started seeing. Rather than to keep disappointing them I decided on a life of celibacy since it seemed these women were eventually experiencing intimacy. It's been hard at times because I do get hit on since I dropped 50lbs and got into great shape, but I keep my focus on work and my life in general and just enjoying life to the fullest and not wasting a second on the issues of a relationship. My friends think it's crazy but I honestly think this is the best thing and believe more people should try it after they go through a hard time and divorce like I did. I've been told she broke me beyond repair, but I don't see it that way. I see it that she has opened my eyes to a world beyond the worries of a relationship and sex. I mean in all reality a person doesn't NEED sex. You go quite a large chunk of your initial life without it.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for helping through my tuff times, but it's been a great year, and brighter horizons are ahead!


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

helpthisguy86 said:


> It's been a bit past a year since I finally listened to everyone on here and divorced my wife. She ended up moving in with the OM and they have a kid together that is funny enough.... about 1 year old. Apparently they wasted no time upon the finalization of the divorce.
> 
> Anyway, they are together and happy. I've been great this entire past year and have focused on my job. Granted I am working over 60 hours per week typically and most weekends, but it's working out of the home which is great.
> 
> ...



Good for you and yes, for the record, she is probably going or already is bonkers. Don't work too much! DUDE


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

helpthisguy86 said:


> It's been a bit past a year since I finally listened to everyone on here and divorced my wife. She ended up moving in with the OM and they have a kid together that is funny enough.... about 1 year old. Apparently they wasted no time upon the finalization of the divorce.
> 
> Anyway, they are together and happy. I've been great this entire past year and have focused on my job. Granted I am working over 60 hours per week typically and most weekends, but it's working out of the home which is great.
> 
> ...



I'm doing the exact same thing you are. I tried dating but every relationship I have been has been a disappointment. 

I try to eat well, keep in shape, treat others nicely, and work hard at my job. I take pleasure in small things now and I don't sweat the big stuff. 

So don't feel like you are alone in the celibacy biz. There are a lot of men like us who have decided that we don't need a woman to complete us. Good luck brother.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Dude007 said:


> Good for you and yes, for the record, she is probably going or already is bonkers. Don't work too much! DUDE


Agreed. He doesn't need to give her another single thought. He needs to work on becoming the best man he can be, and work towards total indifference.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

Thanks guys!

I'm not even 30 yet but think this is the best time of my life to focus on myself and my career rather than women since I'm coming in to my prime .

I never had a problem with dating women but as soon as they try to take it to an intimate level I made it crystal clear I had no intentions of being intimate at all . Well that is beyond that of a kiss or hug, sometimes I want to get out there and date because like all man I do have desires. I just simply channel that into work or give myself a hand ;-).


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Just curious, do you think this is a permanent change for you? Or just for a few years?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I think that's a good attitude. You only know what's happening in your life today anyway. By resigning yourself to being with yourself, you have the best chance to be a complete, integrated person.

At some point, you may be in a situation where someone you know, or hang out with, or work with starts to become attractive to you. Big that happens, and enough time has passed so your Ex is out of your head, maybe follow your heart. Because you will already know the person and know they are a good person.

Could be you just got a dud and in the future you'll see that clearly. If that happens you might find you want a relationship again. But don't sweat it at this point.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I think that's a good attitude. You only know what's happening in your life today anyway. By resigning yourself to being with yourself, you have the best chance to be a complete, integrated person.
> 
> At some point, you may be in a situation where someone you know, or hang out with, or work with starts to become attractive to you. Big that happens, and enough time has passed so your Ex is out of your head, maybe follow your heart. Because you will already know the person and know they are a good person.
> 
> Could be you just got a dud and in the future you'll see that clearly. If that happens you might find you want a relationship again. But don't sweat it at this point.


I'm not sure if this is long term or short term honestly.

1 of the women that I was talking to was amazing, we had so much A LOT in common, just seemed way to good to be true. We were seeing each other for about 4 months and she wanted to take things to the next level. I told her that while I find her EXTREMELY beautiful and attractive "which I did and still do" I was not interested in a physically intimate relationship but enjoyed her friendship and what we had. Apparently she wanted more and has been with my brother's friend for the last 6 months.

My brother thought I was nuts for letting such a woman go but nobody really understands how much clearer I can think without a relationship and sex in my life.


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

I have been separated for almost a year, not quite divorced but almost. We had not had sex in some years before and now I,don't even think about it. (55-yr old female). We both had health issues, opposite schedules, etc...As of roght now, I can easily imagine going wothout sex for the rest of my life, though I would not mind male friendships. Not sure how that might work out though, lol. I do have ine close , strictly platonic male friend so that helps as far as some male company once in a while. But honestly, the idea, after 20+ years with my husband, of starting all over again is beyond me.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

When you're ready, know that there are people out there who do long for companionship and a close relationship - at any age - and also sex - at any age. So the world is never closed off to you should you decide to change course.

Several decades in my relationship - over 50 here / just restarted a very frequent sex relationship again after much talk. Daily intimacy now. So there are no rules or age limits Nd you are never, never too old...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

helpthisguy86 said:


> It's been a bit past a year since I finally listened to everyone on here and divorced my wife. She ended up moving in with the OM and they have a kid together that is funny enough.... about 1 year old. Apparently they wasted no time upon the finalization of the divorce.
> 
> Anyway, they are together and happy. I've been great this entire past year and have focused on my job. Granted I am working over 60 hours per week typically and most weekends, but it's working out of the home which is great.
> 
> ...


Whatever makes you heal, Whatever works for you.

Personally I couldn't do it even with having my 2 boys with me to keep me busy.. I can only crank it out so much alone. Sex doesn't define me or my relationship, but I fvcking need sex.. Period... 

I need attention and I need to know that I AM that special unique snowflake..


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

Hardtohandle said:


> Whatever makes you heal, Whatever works for you.
> 
> Personally I couldn't do it even with having my 2 boys with me to keep me busy.. I can only crank it out so much alone. Sex doesn't define me or my relationship, but I fvcking need sex.. Period...
> 
> I need attention and I need to know that I AM that special unique snowflake..


I understand where you are coming from 100%. I think I'm just at a point of clearer thinking now where I realize I don't need a woman to be with me to make me feel like I'm someone or that I'm special.


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