# Being crushed during sex



## phloxgirl (Oct 29, 2013)

My husband is 6'6 and I'm 5'7 although I am not sure if our heights have much to do with the problem we face in the bedroom. Its always been a problem too. I've talked to him about it and tried to get him to listen to me but it just never works when we actually start having sex. My husband has Asperger's so I'm thinking this might have something to do with how he likes having sex. I'm honestly not sure though. During sex he will put all of his weight on me and it gets to the point so that I cannot breathe. I literally have to tell him to get off me because it hurts too much. He simply won't support himself with his arms and he makes these weird sporadic movements as well which are in no way appealing or pleasurable to me. We've been married for a year now and our sex life has not improved at all. When I approach him with how I feel he usually is silent and then we go for weeks with no sex. I've never tried to make him feel bad about it. In fact, I'd love to be to teach him how to have better sex with me and try to make it fun for him but he's not interested in doing it any other way. As soon as we start having sex, no matter how much I've talked to him about how I don't like how he does it, he goes right back to his old ways. I'm so frustrated because sex is not pleasurable for me anymore. Any advice on what I can do?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Maybe an illustrated book on new positions can help him visualize it. My son who has aspergers does better with visuals than with verbal commands. He's nine but I heard it's just easier for them to grasp. If this doesn't help maybe a marraige counselor that has experience in aspergers.
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## GingerAle (Oct 13, 2013)

I definitely would recommend a book on positions to get a visual. It would be fun to look at it together. He just has to be open to the idea.

GINGER


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

next time you have sex, take over and climb on top...
then have him take you from behind

missionary is fun at first becaue you are eye to eye, can kiss and whisper in each others ear blah blah blah...but there are so many other positions

next time he does missionary put your legs on his shoulder and push him up a bit, make all sorts of passionate moans to he thinks he is hitting your spot, at least that gets him off of you...then work on actually teaching him to HIT your spot lol


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Actually if he's aspergers don't make him think he's hitting the spot, if he is not.' otherwise you wont be able to get him to do anything else later on. Plus lying is bad for any marriage.
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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I can't tolerate ANY weight on my chest so we rarely do missionary now and usually my legs are wrapped around his shoulders. I don't even tolerate the pressure from a bra strap. Cuddle afterwards is always my back to his chest. 

As others have pointed out, climb on too, doggy style, wrap you legs on his shoulders during missionary.

Change is difficult for Aspergers. Add to that his need to "hold you tight" is a form of self comforting so it is doubly hard for him not to crush your rib cage during sex. 

He should be tall enough to be able to hold you tight during sex while putting all his weight on his bent elbows and not resting all his weight on you. Practice this NOT during sex. Do to him, lay on top while you rest your weight on your bent elbows. Then have him do this to you. In the heat of the moment, altering a pattern of behavior is very hard, so practicing outside of the heat of the moment should help him begin a new pattern.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

^^ good points...try missionary, but laying on your side...it takes a little getting used to as your bottom leg is in the frickin way LOL...but then he gets to hold you and his weight isnt on you

also he can hold you MUCH tighter if you are on top


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## Flyfisherman13 (Sep 23, 2013)

Im 6'6 and my wife is 5'4 so we deal with the size differannce. Ive never liked missonary because i felt like i was crushing her, she likes it though and the legs on the shoulder idea 
works well. Our go to positions that work well with our hight difference is her on top or doggy style. Doggy style works well if she kneels on the bed and i stand on the floor. We match up great that way! We have wanted to try standing but with our differance hights we have a hard time with this. Expierement and have fun!
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## jerseygirl123 (Jun 1, 2013)

I used to take my hands and make fists and hold them up my chest so that I had room to breathe. It's a very scary feeling thinking you're not going to be able to breathe.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Maybe pretend to stop breathing afterwards next time? 

Sorry that's mean. I'm not going to suggest other positions because he's not interested in other positions. He probably wants to feel your body against him. Would he be open to an anti-missionary position? Him laying on the bottom and you laying on top of him with your legs on either side of him? Don't sit on him, lay on him. Picture the missionary position but you to have floated up into the air, rotated so that he is on the bottom and then you both floated back to the bed.

This way you are on top and can breathe but he can still feel your body against him.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

From reading the other's responses, it is apparent that I am impatient or insensitive, but you can't BREATHE and Aspergers or not, he KNOWS it and furthermore when you try to discuss it he gives you the silent treatment about it.:wtf: I'd tell him that if he wants to have sex while he is on top, he WILL support himself with his arms, or he won't be getting it that way ever again.


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## Coach8 (Jun 17, 2013)

As you know change is difficult for someone with aspergers. The visuals are a good idea. If he likes being on top, see if you can turn on your side. This works well for us (I am a foot taller and 90 lbs heavier than the Mrs.)


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yeah, aspies don't do change real well. At least my son doesn't. You have to warn him something is going to change soon. Then warn him again. Then change it. Then keep explaining why it changed for a few months until he's in the new routine. It's just the nature of Autism.


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## hasekmpp (Oct 31, 2013)

He's nine but I heard it's just easier for them to grasp.


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