# Oral Question



## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

My wife and I are going threw some really tuff times right now but we are trying to work on things. One thing that was always a problem was our sex life, she would blame me I would blame her. Anyway recently she has really opened up and has wanted different things, for example we just went a way for the weekend and we bought a toy for me to use on here I have to because she has never even masturbated before. After she seemed to have enjoyed it but she had a bigger orgasm from me doing oral on her she loves that. When she has a big orgasm she is how do you say a squirter? And it can get really messy, I like to do it because I want her to have fun and enjoy it. But after she thinks that for me to hop on and get off is fair. She rarely gives me oral and never has she given it to me until completion. In fact she has never even given me a real hand job, a couple of rubs and then she wants me to go down on her. My question is how do I talk to here about it with out it causing more problems in our marriage. If you read my other post in (coping with infidelity) title feeling like a fool.


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## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

Could it be that her sexual desires are opening up because she maybe is having an affair or is it just that she feels better about her self. She turns forty this year and I do know that has been on her mind. But I do know that she has always been inverted when it came to her sexuality so what ever is bring it out I like it but I still want it too open up more as long as it is not her have an affair that is doing it.

Is that wrong of me?
:scratchhead:


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## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

No she has alway's been held back when talking about sex, she has tried more lately because of all the other issues but she still holds back when talking about what she likes and what she does not like.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Not easy, If she's opening up more just keep going yourself.
Make sure she feels the benefits of opening up and working on it.
Its ok I think to outright ask her if she doesnt like giving oral or asking her if your too hairy or something like that. Dont make it into a problem that all. Dont say "I really want it and you wont give it to me".
Be careful about the implications of what you say and how they could be taken. Make SURE she understands that you will be understanding no matter what. If you're both beginning this process of opening up thats awesome, just dont be so motivated by getting your willy down her throat that you screw it up.. As long as she's making progress support her.

Openess means that at some point you will talk about it.
Getting close and having wonderful relationship is the goal (assuming) so oral sex (while VERY important) should be a product of that.

squirting... geez i LOVE that.

have fun


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Having a woman the squirts, wow...problem is she wont go down on you...I personally think that's crazy that she wont do it and is selfish on her part...woman can be so damn stubborn...all I did to get head from my wife is ask her...then she tried it..she loved doing it for a while, now it's kinda tailed off like she's bored of it..so she never really did it that much for me but more for herself...again woman are stubborn..and I think they can be very selfish, always putting their own needs before their husbands..just the way it is...she having an affair probably not...but what do I know...


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## lexingtongary (Feb 21, 2010)

I feel your pain.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I've always tried to be as generous a lover as I can. I won't go into detail, but there isn't much I would be willing to do for my wife, and my ex wife while we were married. In both cases, they were eager to take, and then toss out excuse after excuse whenever I so much as hinted that I would like a little attention myself. I'm not talking about anything extreme or physically demanding. I'm talking about oral, a handjob, or maybe have her use her breasts on me a few times a year. 
Is that too much to ask?

Apparently it is.


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## ducky (Feb 17, 2010)

lexingtongary said:


> I feel your pain.
> 
> I can't speak for anyone else, but I've always tried to be as generous a lover as I can. I won't go into detail, but there isn't much I would be willing to do for my wife, and my ex wife while we were married. In both cases, they were eager to take, and then toss out excuse after excuse whenever I so much as hinted that I would like a little attention myself. I'm not talking about anything extreme or physically demanding. I'm talking about oral, a handjob, or maybe have her use her breasts on me a few times a year.
> Is that too much to ask?
> ...


It is not too much to ask, you just asked the wrong person.


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## ducky (Feb 17, 2010)

stayingtrue said:


> Could it be that her sexual desires are opening up because she maybe is having an affair or is it just that she feels better about her self. She turns forty this year and I do know that has been on her mind. But I do know that she has always been inverted when it came to her sexuality so what ever is bring it out I like it but I still want it too open up more as long as it is not her have an affair that is doing it.
> 
> Is that wrong of me?
> :scratchhead:


I think that is a reasonable expectation. I wanted to share with you a little about myself, I am 44 and have gone through some hormonal changes as well as perspective changes that brought about some changes in my sexual expression. One thing you mentioned in your other thread is that she recently lost quite a bit of weight. I would imagine that was fueled by a need for change in her life, kind of taking charge of her happiness so to speak. This is part of why she is probably opening up more sexually and it is also that she is probably nearing her sexual peak hormonally which could be great fun for you. I would talk to her about what you like, what she likes. If she has a hard time helping you to orgasm after she does, make her wait. For me, that is often the best part. Sex play is great fun but she needs to open up to you and get real with herself about what turns her on. Often a bottle of wine with before during and after sex conversation is just the thing to release inhibitions. I know for myself my partners arousal is the biggest turn on there is. You need to talk to her frankly and tell her what turns you on. The fact that she is sharing her newfound lust with you is huge, I would imagine she would not be doing it with you if she were doing it with someone else. I would let it go and just explore this newfound intimacy with her, if you make her feel sexy loved and accepted she won't want to look elsewhere to get those needs met.

Life is too short to let the fun in it pass you by.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Foreplay for a male is inevitably more important as the male transitions into his 30's and 40's and beyond. . .it's almost essential.

I read that it's normal during lovemaking to lose an erection 2 to 5x per session, esp. when you are doing some, not tedious, how should I say it, "lengthy" work for the woman (30 to 45 minutes on average - about the length of a sitcom).

Proclaiming "My turn" isn't off the wall.

Your complaint is valid, just as a woman needs more than:

"Brace yourself, Effie, here it comes. . ."


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## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

Great stuff people, thanks I will talk to her about this and I am going to invite her to join me her on this great site and she can read what I have wrote and maybe ask some questions of her own.


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