# guys help a girl out here!!!



## xxPsychoKatxx (Dec 6, 2011)

in a previous thread i had said i was going to move back to my home town 30 minutes away from where i lived with my husband, *not another state or country but just 30 mins away* and i wasnt going to tell him that i wouldnt be able to keep in contact with him anymore until i get my **** together but he came over unexpectedly and i ended up sitting him down to let him know my plans on my future without him....

i told him i didnt ever plan on saying goodbye to him in this way but that when i leave i dont want any contact with him and then he said well until you get your life together right and i told him really idk but if u want yeah i guess and well i told him i planned to go and get a job, get a place and then start college in the fall and get my life on track for my son, i told him i was doing this to leave him alone and so i wouldnt be in his life anymore and he said well you will always be in my life and i told him no, i wont be and i dont have to be and if i am maybe it will be just a glance or a hi but i wont always be in your life, and i told him it wont take me a few days or months to get over what hes done to me and especially for getting with another person right after we split, i told it would take years and he said your never going to get over it and i told him yes, yes i will and when i do ill finally feel happy again like i did a few months ago.
i told basically told him that i wasnt going to be around anymore then a little after that he had this look on his face like hurt or confusion and then he told me he was going to leave already and i asked why and he said he was going to get ready for a christmas party that he has for work then after that he was going to go "Reflect" i didnt get what he meant at first lol i dont use reflect much in my vocabulary unless its like your reflection and stuff like that but i never use it to express a feeling or emotion anyways i dont know what he meant by saying he was going to reflect like what does he have to reflect about?
me being gone for good or idk.....

any help?
did i make a right decision to kick start my life again?
and what does he mean he needs to reflect?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

He's seeing a confidence about you that will second guess his choices.

Not saying he will recommit to the M but that he is wondering if he will regret his current dicision someday.

Thats my $0.02


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## xxPsychoKatxx (Dec 6, 2011)

the guy said:


> He's seeing a confidence about you that will second guess his choices.
> 
> Not saying he will recommit to the M but that he is wondering if he will regret his current dicision someday.
> 
> Thats my $0.02


thank you for this, ive tried to explain this twice in another thread and people who replied just kept saying that it was wrong of me to move my son to another country or state lol i said a 30min drive away not 2 flights away lol he was more concerned about me not wanting to keep in contact with him anymore and i dont care if he commits to this relationship anymore because hes already burned this bridge almost completely but i wouldnt say its not maybe fixable with effort but i told him im not changing my mind, when im gone theres no more hearing from me and i will only keep in contact with my in laws and i guess he will see me whenever divorce is filed and that kinda stuff but we wont be speaking all the time like all the other times we split up because this time i wanna heal.

what just surprised me was his reaction to me saying there wouldnt be any contact at all.
he seemed to have gotten upset when he said that i will be in his life forever because of our son and i told him that no i didnt have to be in his life, our son is going to be in his life not me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm thinking there is a history or pattern thats has him believing this is just another one of those times.

Again you are catching him off guard with your new confidence you have about your self.

He wants to believe it is same old same old. Thats purely my assumption. Little does he realize that you are new person that is running towards something instead of running away from something.


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## xxPsychoKatxx (Dec 6, 2011)

the guy said:


> I'm thinking there is a history or pattern thats has him believing this is just another one of those times.
> 
> Again you are catching him off guard with your new confidence you have about your self.
> 
> He wants to believe it is same old same old. Thats purely my assumption. Little does he realize that you are new person that is running towards something instead of running away from something.


this has been a pattern, 3 other times hes left me and told me he didnt love me anymore then when he wants me to come back like nothing happened ive given him chances but im tired of it already, i cant keep playing these games and thats why im leaving and starting a life for myself with my son, hes going to sit there and reflect on how he needs me in his life but he should have thought of that before everything hes done.

i told him bye after he left and he told me he was going to come back, i really hope he doesnt show up tomorrow morning before he goes to work or ill be pissed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Remember this is all a pattern for him. You have ingrained a behavior in him by tolorating this 3 times already so don't be pissed but indifferent and stick to the plan.

At this point why does it matter what he does, you will be gone soon enough right?


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## xxPsychoKatxx (Dec 6, 2011)

the guy said:


> Remember this is all a pattern for him. You have ingrained a behavior in him by tolorating this 3 times already so don't be pissed but indifferent and stick to the plan.
> 
> At this point why does it matter what he does, you will be gone soon enough right?


i really hope so, i guess ill endure his presence a little longer lol im gunna be moving back with my parents for the mean time but they are really iffy about it because of all the other times i went to live with them and came back but ive told them that its over for sure but i think its going to take more then me just saying it to prove it to them that i have made up my mind for good.

my ex and i have been in each others lives for 4 years straight and even when separated we would still talk so im not sure how he feels about what i said but it has to have kinda upset him if hes going to go and reflect.
im not putting up with it and thats final.
my plan is already made and stuck in my head :]


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