# In desperate need =(



## Citybabe12 (Jul 21, 2017)

To make a long story short. I got married young at 22. He was my first real boyfriend and we started dating at 18 so I never really got to find "my type of guy". I kind of walked into this relationship without thinking much. I think I was young so the thought of having a guy a few years older with his own house and decent job intrigued me. We got along great and I really loved him. It wasn't until a few months before our wedding when I realized that he may not be the one. But i figured maybe it was just nerves, plus I was too scared to ever bring it up to anybody. So I got married. But I knew it wasn't the right choice. I knew deep down It wasn't pure. That especially hit me about a year after my wedding. We grew apart, had no similarities, we wanted different things in life, and truthfully I felt like his mom instead of his wife. Don't get me wrong he had a good job, but he expected to be babied and he was a bit controlling and micromanaging.

I was no longer in love with him. I started having interest in guys at work that I found I had more things in common with and it was then I realized, I am completely unhappy and I cannot be who I am with him. To make it harder we have a 3 year old daughter (which wasn't planned but she is my world).

I dont want to go on dates, I don't want to Kiss him, or touch him. I don't find him sexy or attractive. We've been to counseling and so have I on my own. I just want out. So badly. 

I am so scared. Mainly because he always threatens me when I bring up leaving. He knows how to make me crumble. When I feel like I finally have the strength to go he yells and screams at me and seeing him hurt makes me feel like a failure and it crushes my heart. He uses our daughter as leverage and threatens me with her. I am so scared and I have reached the lowest low and depression. I also fear to disappoint my mom. She really likes him and thinks divorce shouldn't be an option and I don't want to disappoint her. I haven't been happy in years. I cry everyday and I don't have the strength to leave, but I cannot picture a future with him. It hurts me deep down bc I feel like I failed my daughter, him, and my family. 

I need help. We've been married now for 4 years and I don't want to waste anymore of my life being stuck and unhappy. I know him and I are done, I am 100% sure. I just can't find the strength to leave him.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I'm sorry that it's not the marriage you want it to be... Keep going to counseling, keep reading books. You are young, someday you will find the strength to leave to do what is best for you. Don't let him intimidate you. A marriage is based on 2 people and each should care about the other.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Try to fix things, but if it doesn't work, then you are both better off divorced than in an unhappy marriage.

Don't get pregnant.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Try intensive MC first, and then if that doesn't exactly work, go on about divorcing just as amicable as possible!*


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Maybe he is the way he is because he is frustrated by the way you treat him and interact with him. He senses that things are going poorly. You made a bad decision to marry. You had time BEFORE the marriage to back out. Your gut was trying to tell you something but you ignored it. Now look at the pickle you are in. You own most of this. Now everyone suffers.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that he screams and yells at you. Does he throw things? break things? hit you? grab you? push you?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Betrayedone said:


> Maybe he is the way he is because he is frustrated by the way you treat him and interact with him. He senses that things are going poorly. You made a bad decision to marry. You had time BEFORE the marriage to back out. Your gut was trying to tell you something but you ignored it. Now look at the pickle you are in. You own most of this. Now everyone suffers.


OP, you don't own most of this, you own half of this. It takes two people to make it work, and it takes two people to break it up. You also don't own or cannot control how a person acts and reacts; you can only own and control your own actions. 

Your post made me feel really sad for you, and your husband sounds very intimidating. I know it's hard to change overnight, but little by little, stop letting him have power over you. Is he physically violent in any way towards your or your little girl? Has he been to IC? Have you guys tried MC recently? It sounds like he may also have an anger management issue.


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

Citybabe, I thought I wrote your original post. I too was married young to my first boyfriend and had little experience with other guys. I felt some doubt before the wedding, but the thought of not having him in my life was too scary for me to think about. Also, we were together 5 years by the time we married; it seemed like the logical next step. We did get along well for the most part and had a lot of fun together. We raised two children who are doing well. But after 37 years we're getting a divorce. We either drifted apart or pushed each other away. 

I own this because he was always very nice to me and tried very hard to be a good husband, but I took a lot for granted. Now he ignores me for the most part. No type of intimacy for at least 10 years. It's sad to see the marriage die, but there are a lot of good memories, and we need to move forward.

My advice to you is if you feel this marriage is 100% wrong for you, end it now while you're still young. I'm now 60 years old and don't expect to ever meet anyone else. Good luck.


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