# Over one year in separation



## MK74 (Jan 17, 2018)

Hi there,

to sum up my story, i have been separated from my wife for 15 months. As all here, I am looking for advice, and at the least, a sounding board to double check my actions moving forward.

2 kids, young (pre-middle school). Wife told me last October that she wasn't happy. It took her a long time to spit those words out, and communication has always been a major problem for us. Apparently she had not been happy for about two years. I didn't know.

Backstory. I have had issues with alchohol in the past, and i put myself in a rehab facility in the spring of 2017 (so maybe I did know there were problems) . It was a suprise to my wife, that I was going to go away for 30 days. It is what I thought I needed to do, to save myself, and my family. Turns out, after I was gone, wife felt a sense of relief, and decided...hey...we can get along, if not better , without me. She has also clung onto this as a point of resentment, that I abandoned her/kids. That point is fair. I was doing what I thought I needed to to save the marriage.

Extra backstory. Leading up to my decision to go into rehab, I noticed she had become very attached to a person she worked with. Texting all the time and hiding, etc, the typical ****. Had a couple fights about that. Then rehab. Then I come home for a couple months, and then boom. The not happy talk.

I can provide more detail as this moves along. I know it sounds like infedelity on the face, but I have no reason to believe that. I have been very vigilant, even to the point where I question my own actions.

Recent months have seen more cracks in the door, for me to spend time at the house, with the kids etc (at her suggestion). But nothing in term of commitment to truly work on things from her end. Based on phone bill, she still talks to other guy daily, who is married and younger. I am fluctuating over how long I let this situation continue.

Thanks for any advice. I will try to keep this thread going.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The longer it goes the more bonded and attached they'll get.

You can't work on anything with another man in the marriage.

Get some proof. Phone texts, etc and inform his wife *without warning*.

Don't confront again without solid proof!!!!!


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MK74 said:


> Hi there,
> 
> to sum up my story, i have been separated from my wife for 15 months. As all here, I am looking for advice, and at the least, a sounding board to double check my actions moving forward.
> 
> ...


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

It sounds like you're waiting for her to give you the "all clear". It's not coming. You're going to have to lead her back to you - by being and behaving in an attractive fashion. At this point, you're operating from weakness.

Read some of these threads:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-better-man-better-partner.html


----------

