# wife stays out til 4



## trying2hard

About 2 mos ago My wife started acting really strange and I have noticed a change in her demeanor. She has started to wear color contacts, buy odds and ends for her make up,not wanting to have sex,staying away from home more than usual, hanging out with her college sister more than she has ever done since we have known each other and now she is coming home late, i'd say most times its no earlier than 12 am on a good night. I dont know if she's hanging out at her sisters dorm, using her as a alibi or what but it is really pathetic. Also there are all of these crazy stories about her family like abuse and unwanted sexual advances by their step father. This is the story that comes up when ever she is gone all night. gthe more that I wirte the more that my eyes are opening up. but ayhow, I have been recently diagnosed with severe depression, and this does not make matters any better, instead of helping the situation , trust , stress is making it worse. I dont know if I am going crazy or if my gut is trying to tel me something that I alredy know. She says im delusional and that its my medication ?? PLeASE HELP


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## MSC71

you are not delusional. And those signs are not good ones. Those are signs of someone who is seeing someone else or atl east wanting to do that. One thing to remember, if something is going on, she will most likely never admit it. They never do.


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## forevermemorable

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that your wife is having an affair. The first stage for both your ends is to deny it. You don't want to believe this about your wife, when all the signs point that direction.

A wife has no business staying out that late all the time. Yes, your assumptions are right about her using her sister as an alibi. These are high school behavior by your wife.

And her desire not to have sex with you when you have communicated it with her is the biggest cop out if I have ever heard of it. Sexual abuse is hindering her from giving you sex...not very likely. I don't want to sound cold, because there very well could be an excuse, but highly unlikely with your wife.

I would at all cost follow your wife or have a close friend follow your wife on these "so-called" outings. As a female, it doesn't take much to find a willing guy. But the fact that you have posted your concern in this forum tells me that your premonitions are right, because why else would come here instead of confronting your wife. Obviously there is a break down in your communication with each other.

Get proof first before jumping to any conclusions. Check e-mails, if you have passwords, text messages, etc. Do your homework. I know it will be hard, but you need to do what you got to do.

Do you guys have kids?


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## CallaLily

Its time to call her out on her actions. If you want to try and save your marriage you will need to man up and hold her accountable for her behavior.


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## Ayla

If she isn't already having an affair she seems to be looking for a situation that will lead to it. Imho all of this going out and being distant will lead to an affair (if one hasn't already started) so something needs to be done. Where is she going?

Some may disagree but with the rampant stds out there I don't take chances. If my spouse cuts off the sex...treats me coldly...changes their appearance...leaves me home alone...they don't get more trust and space from me. Do some snooping. Don't freak and accuse them of anything. I wouldn't say anything to her right now about your suspicions. Just pay attention and don't feel above checking email or fb accounts.


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## MrK

trying2hard said:


> I dont know if she's hanging out at her sisters dorm, using her as a alibi or what...


Sibling or a sorority sister?

I get the impression that you don't know where she is at 3AM. Is that right? I'll bet it is. Where does she tell you she is? What does she tell you she does? I'll bet she's vague. They don't sit in her dorm room playing board games with the other girls on the floor all night. Does she spend the night often? Does she tell you about all of the men she's met the past couple of months? How much she's partied with them? No? You don't know Kevin and his roommate Bill? Great guys. And Ronnie...And the GUYS AT THE CLUBS at 3AM!!!

You get the point. You already did before you even hit "send" on your original post:



trying2hard said:


> the more that I wirte the more that my eyes are opening up. PLeASE HELP



Ask her where she goes. What she does. See how fast she accuses you of being controlling. Don't push. Back off and give her space. Then...

Have her followed. I never did during my wife's party spree and I will regret it for the rest of my life. No closure will EVER be possible. Have a friend of yours that she doesn't know show up where she's supposed to be. A PI would be better if you can afford it. He can follow her. 

There is NO WAY she has not, at a MINIMUM, met and partied with a lot of men you don't even know. She goes out intending to meet them. Like a date. That is all at a MINIMUM. There is NO WAY this is not totally inappropriate. 

No way.


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## Ayla

??? Troll thread???


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## the guy

So are you cheating or what?


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## the guy

I'm not talking about adultory, but are you cheating try2hard out of a healthy marriage? 

You excape and make excuses and yet you stay, I don't get it?

You have this unhealthy marriage but yet you do nothing about it except run away all night.


Maybe you should start another thread with a new user name....call it "nut job husband thinks I stay out all night"


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## Lon

divorce = win/win. The kids have already lost, but still are better off not in such a toxic home.


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## forevermemorable

Wow...a wife who has gone into hubby's account and given us the real story.

This is hilarious. Okay, I am not sure who I believe, but the wife sounds very convincing. I don't think a wife would go to the extra measures to report what she has if she was the guilty party.

Never the less, you two need to communicate on many things in many areas and stop blaming each other for the fault. You both have made mistakes, I am sure of it...some more than others, but you have a family and two beautiful children that need your love and support. These kids are too young for you guys to be fighting and going through all the crap you guys are going through.

I have news for both of you...ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!

Wife, its not about you and your kids first! Its about you and your husband first! The husband came first and the kids are a byproduct of him. "But, you don't know what I have been through and how my husband has treated me," you would say. I have an understanding from what you posted. I believe what you have posted. You two need counseling.

Husband, you need to love your wife the way a husband should and not judge her, ridicule her, make her feel small, or worthless. Build your wife up. She needs you. See that you are meeting her needs. Husband, if you are meeting your wife's emotional needs and loving on her, I guarantee you that she will desire to give you sex more. That is the way it works. Forget these cat and mouse games, where you are just focused on your wife's wrongs. Own up to your mistakes and failures and YOU be the first to change!

Wife, if at all possible, give hubby another chance. Divorce is the worse route for you two to go. Think of your children! Those kids need their mother and father working together in the family unit...it is the way it ought to be. The kids need you as a family...they really do. Leaving hubby will NOT make things better...I promise you 100%. I know another single women out there struggling to make ends meat and the only relief they receive is when the kids grow up and can start supporting their mother (if they choose to be loyal to their mother and not leave her left alone).

Work it out...come together and find common ground. Love on each other, forgive each other, do what is right for yourselves and your children. You can do it...it starts by owning up to your mistakes, asking your partner for his/her forgiveness, and then making a conscious effort to do your part in the marriage. Will it be perfect? Of course not, but if you work together, communicate, forgive, and love on each other, your marriage will thrive.

I wish all the best to the both of you!


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## trying2hard

when I made this post thought that I was decent and respectful towards my other half. All I wanted was an answer and this is what I get? now you should understand how hard it was for me to talk to her .. by the way , I have never called my wife a ***** ,***** or said that she was a bad mother, may have thought it, but never said it. not even out of anger.. the only reason that I posted this was because I wanted some different perspectives from other people than talking to anyone who knows either of us that could be bias..-->my family..


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## startanew

I say you're "both" the same poster. Reminds me of a joke an old psych colleague of mine liked to use (only around safe company of course) and that was..."I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".


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## trying2hard

Ayla said:


> If she isn't already having an affair she seems to be looking for a situation that will lead to it. Imho all of this going out and being distant will lead to an affair (if one hasn't already started) so something needs to be done. Where is she going?
> 
> Some may disagree but with the rampant stds out there I don't take chances. If my spouse cuts off the sex...treats me coldly...changes their appearance...leaves me home alone...they don't get more trust and space from me. Do some snooping. Don't freak and accuse them of anything. I wouldn't say anything to her right now about your suspicions. Just pay attention and don't feel above checking email or fb accounts.


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## trying2hard

forevermemorable said:


> Wow...a wife who has gone into hubby's account and given us the real story.
> 
> This is hilarious. Okay, I am not sure who I believe, but the wife sounds very convincing. I don't think a wife would go to the extra measures to report what she has if she was the guilty party.
> 
> Never the less, you two need to communicate on many things in many areas and stop blaming each other for the fault. You both have made mistakes, I am sure of it...some more than others, but you have a family and two beautiful children that need your love and support. These kids are too young for you guys to be fighting and going through all the crap you guys are going through.
> 
> I have news for both of you...ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!
> 
> Wife, its not about you and your kids first! Its about you and your husband first! The husband came first and the kids are a byproduct of him. "But, you don't know what I have been through and how my husband has treated me," you would say. I have an understanding from what you posted. I believe what you have posted. You two need counseling.
> 
> Husband, you need to love your wife the way a husband should and not judge her, ridicule her, make her feel small, or worthless. Build your wife up. She needs you. See that you are meeting her needs. Husband, if you are meeting your wife's emotional needs and loving on her, I guarantee you that she will desire to give you sex more. That is the way it works. Forget these cat and mouse games, where you are just focused on your wife's wrongs. Own up to your mistakes and failures and YOU be the first to change!
> 
> Wife, if at all possible, give hubby another chance. Divorce is the worse route for you two to go. Think of your children! Those kids need their mother and father working together in the family unit...it is the way it ought to be. The kids need you as a family...they really do. Leaving hubby will NOT make things better...I promise you 100%. I know another single women out there struggling to make ends meat and the only relief they receive is when the kids grow up and can start supporting their mother (if they choose to be loyal to their mother and not leave her left alone).
> 
> Work it out...come together and find common ground. Love on each other, forgive each other, do what is right for yourselves and your children. You can do it...it starts by owning up to your mistakes, asking your partner for his/her forgiveness, and then making a conscious effort to do your part in the marriage. Will it be perfect? Of course not, but if you work together, communicate, forgive, and love on each other, your marriage will thrive.
> 
> I wish all the best to the both of you!


well i should have listened to youguys the first time around..
she has left me ..last year this month.. and she was cheating and she has led me on for a whole year.so this "real side of the story was only a further lie to hide the truth. 
long story short..what she has done on this site by making me look bad..she has done to anyone who would listen. hell she even had me believing it so I dont blame you..for your posts


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## trying2hard

the guy said:


> I'm not talking about adultory, but are you cheating try2hard out of a healthy marriage?
> 
> You excape and make excuses and yet you stay, I don't get it?
> 
> You have this unhealthy marriage but yet you do nothing about it except run away all night.
> 
> 
> Maybe you should start another thread with a new user name....call it "nut job husband thinks I stay out all night"


she lied the whole time and clearly was bi polar
now we have been separated for over a year now, and she has lied used and stole from me not to mention led me on so id move 3000 mi back from another state to be her errand boy and land lord while she has dated had sex with over 7 people. also lied about that too. so I guess the thing is she made a believer out of youguys and she even had me thinking that she was right about her post on here.


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## Lon

If you have been separated over a year then you are a year further ahead than you were a year ago. Get on with your life and stop enabling her letting you feel bad, only communicate about your children.


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## scione

They always rewrite their stories.


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## PreRaphaelite

Did your XW used to post here? What was her name?


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## Fordsvt

PreRaphaelite said:


> Did your XW used to post here? What was her name?


That was my question as well. Please tell.
Sorry your here but move on bigger and better things


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## trying2hard

I dont know if she used to post her.. hell shes been sneaky about everything else so maybe so..


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## steven22011971

If she refuses to consider your feelings, and if more talk doesn't help, suggest an open marriage arrangement with her. Start going out and have fun yourself instead of staying home and sulk. For all you know, you may meet someone who is more compatible with you. Maybe you don't even need to discuss it with her. Just go out and have fun, because you don't know what you are missing. When you get into the game yourself, then you may start to show more empathy for your wife. This may even strengthen your relationship.
If she disapproves of your escapees, that is when you can sit down and start negotiation.


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