# Am I Invisible



## suzrmz250 (Jun 14, 2011)

My wife doesn't get it. All I want is to be acknowledged and have an idea of her feelings for me. She can love and pay mind to our two children but it's like I don't exist. She won't say hi or bye. I've told her my concerns on more then one occasion but nothing changes. Went away for the weekend with son whom she said goodbye to but had nothing to say to me. Exact same when we returned. If I don't say anything nor will she.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

When she does that can you say in a light way - I am here too our son did not drive himself home so hello to you. 

When she ignores you, call her out in a light way don't let her see you unset. If you have talked to her about it then she knows she is upsetting you why is that? 

I would cool way off from her. Read the thermostat stickie in the mens clubhouse good tips on how to tern down the temperature to a level below your cooler spouse you may notice that she heats things up to warm you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## suzrmz250 (Jun 14, 2011)

I've cooled things down B4 by not speaking. If I'm not here (invisible) then we can't converse. But I can't last with that it stresses me out too much and she gets angry. She has no answer cept sarchasm "what you want me to do hang all over you?" No just show me that you give a s__t! And it's not just that it's everything If I don't initiate it then nothing happens. Se, hello, goodbye, how are you, can I get you something etc...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Was this woman raised by wolves? Most civilized people learn at least some basic manners. Giving someone an appropriate greeting when they enter a home isn't "hanging all over them", it's just the very minimum level of acceptable conduct expected of civilized human beings. My wife is over 40, has a Masters Degree, but seems to have never heard of simple politeness. No greeting when I come in or leave, no "thank you" when I do something nice for her, no "please" if she asks me for something. I thought everybody was taught manners. I guess not.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Don't talk about it or ask her to do it. You say hi, bye, kiss hello or whatever you feel is appropriate for a husband and wife to do. Don't discuss, just do. If she turns it away ignore it as if nothing happened.
Do it for 2-3 weeks or more. If she does not start doing it back, tell her Wife, in a marriage there is basic courtesy and affection, and I expect that in our marriage.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I've "cooled the jets" with my W, and it's worked wonders.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's not manners. Some of my friends are Sabras, and we like to say Sabras don't have bad manners, they have no manners. No, it's something else. It's an intentional slap in the face. No more no less.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> It's not manners.
> 
> it's something else. It's an intentional slap in the face. No more no less.


I agree. My ex-husband was this way. He could go DAYS, then weeks without saying a single word to me. Even if I said hi, he'd walk right past me and not even look at me. Ugh.

What happens is you begin to feel teeny, tiny, like a ghost--you feel ostracized.

Suz, random but how is your sex life with her? Is it good?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Suz don't ignore her because you'd confirm that what she is doing is acceptable. Also, you are teaching yourself better relationship skills and ignoring ain't skillful. Instead of not taliking to her, be cuteous, talk normally but don't talk about the relationship or how much you love her or anything. Don't act needy. Go out and get new clothes or just different colors than you usually wear. Get a new hair cut care about how you look. Pretend you are dating. 

Don't tolerate nastiness it is not good for you or her and it is an extremely bad example to your kids. Make these changes to show your children how normal people behave. You don't want them to think that wives are beoches and husbands are mouses do you. 

It's hard but you must do this. I also think you need a third party to help you find out why you allowed this to happen. I am not blaming you for her penchant for nastiness but rather how you have failed to be there for you and stick up for you. You let her beat you down - why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## suzrmz250 (Jun 14, 2011)

Sorry had to go to bed, back now. Jelly the sex life is the same. If I don't initiate then nothing happens. Good thing she rarely turns me down. Its hard to enjoy sex when you don't know if the other person cares or is just meeting obligations. Maybe one every 2 to 3 weeks. Not enough for me but don't want to push my luck. Plus it would be nice to be desired, lusted after. In 23 years of marriage she has maybe initiated sex a handful of times. 
Caterine, she doesn't behave nastily she just doesn't acknowledge me. You shouldn't have to force people to treat you differently by changing the way you act around them. If she wants me she needs to come to me not me ask her to come to me.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She may have gotten too comfortable with the way things are-you're a paycheck and nothing more.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Suz if she does not turn you down then she no doubt loves you. 

Try to frame this a little differently. It is true, you should not have to change to get her to change the way she greets you. We get so used to things being in the same place doing the same thing we forget to pay attension. We are wired to notice change. 

Change is the natural order of things it stimulates us and pokes us to do bigger and better things. Change is good especially purposeful change. Knowing that she has the potential, like all humans, to notice if you change and it gives her the oppurtunity to rethink what she is doing, why stand on principle? 

Institute some changes in you - this situation demands it - OK with what you should have to or should not have to do. You may not realize it but you are both unhappy and it is a situation that may allow an outside person to siddle in and break up the family. Just saying. So stand on principle but stand in a different place so she thinks. She thinks what would happen if I loss his fine man. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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