# wife and mother/family issues are killing me!



## shazam123 (Apr 17, 2011)

Hi i been married for about 3 years now and my wife and my mum do not get along. its a long story but the whole situation is killing me and affecting our marriage! Me and my wife in 2008 and have been happy since accept when my mum came from over sea's to visit as me and my wife moved to another country. The whole this started from that point. My mother did not take much a interest in our marriage at all when we first got together and when she came to visit it all blew up. The second she came threw the airport i felt like i did not know her at all and she was always on her phone as she had a new boyfriend "one of many" but anyway from this point there was a bad atmosphere my mum and wife were not seeing eye to eye at all and my wife was mad with me,nothing between them was actually said until my mother decided she would talk to my wife as i was sick to hell with stress over this. I was not happy that my mum did this and it made my wife real mad the whole thing blew up after this. My mum went back and nothing has been right since. I have a step son aged ten and me and my wife have a daughter now 7mnths old. I need some advice as not 1 day will pass without my mum of my family being mentioned or how her mum has changed and and her family are love me so much and my family have no respect for her etc etc.... she has a problem with many things and talks to me sometimes in a real nasty way. it is embarrassing as she does it in front of people to. She is never in the wrong and if i tell her about it and say im not happy with what she is doing it gets a whole lot worse. I'll be honest i cant take it any more its killing me and i dont know what to do. her and my mum have tried to resolve things but it doesnt matter what my mum says its just not good enough and i always get the bad end of it. She tells me my mum cant have anything to do with "HER" children if she cant respect her. My wife constantly sits on facebook and then comes to me talking about any of my family who comments on any pics say why do the only comment on pics of you and not me or the kids. My mum tells me she is really sorry and wants to make up with us and my wife. I i'll forgive any one as long as they try but they must have the chance to try! Im so tired of it all and i love my family soooo much it hurts me to bits. sometimes i just dont wanna be around my wife at all because of this and i dont want to feel like that. she just wont let it go! She is killing me and our marriage and i dont think she realises it at all as she is so angry all the time and drilling me constantly about my whole family. I am not allowed to talk to anyone but her about how i feel and she is always dropping subtle hints about " have you made any descisions about what you gonna do about your mum" If i was to disown my family she would be over the moon but she rubs in my face all the time how good her mother and family are and how they love me and stuff. Yes they are good but they did not all like me at all at first i also went through alot of **** with them but i always forgive and work on it to make her happy as i love her. why cant she just do the same for me?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

What exactly did your mother do when she was visiting?


----------



## shazam123 (Apr 17, 2011)

its really hard to explain but she was very withdrawn with my inlaws and my wife and she complained alot. my wife and me were arguing about her and i was so stressed as my wife did not wanna talk to my my and my mum like wise. then my mum sat us down and said to my wife that she isnot happy with the way she is treating me and my step son. That really pissed my wife off and i was also not happy about what my mum said she should not have interfered. also my mum and me were arguing as there is alot of history between us and i was trying to solve it but she did not wanna know. I now so stressed and i feel lifeless my wife is angry alot and hardley talks to me its been over a year since all this happened. I just want to be happy with her and for her to stop digging at me everyday about my mum and my family. I am th only one working and i cant even concentrate on my job. I feel awful inside and not good about myself or anything. sometimes i even feel like i dont wanna live. If she could just forgive and move on it would be so much better for us. I dont know what she expects me to do but i think she wants me to have nothing to do with my mum and family. I dont want this to happen. I wish i could change things and make it all better. im a good man and i love my family, and all this is really starting to affect all of us. i feel like im the bad one in all this , like she makes me feel everything is my fault. she said to me yesterday "your family have no respect for me, they dont know how much i changed your life" I mean its like she is taking credit for many things like my work and how i have changed as a person. If im wrong i dont know but she should not do that, we are married and supposed to stick by eachother. She always points the finger at me when something goes wrong she even telling me in subtle ways that the situation with my mum will be the end of us one day. How am i supposed to feel? My step son is feeling all of this and of course will stick by his mother. sometimes he looks at me im not sure with concern or anger. My wife talks to her mum about my mother and she talks to her brother and others. Im a only child and have no one to talk to at all and as it seems like i am bad one in all this i really dont know what to do anymore. im at my wits end.


----------



## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

For the love of all that is webby - PARAGRAPHS! lol.

I've got some serious Mother-Wife issues going on now. These are pretty common issues. And everyone has a valid point on some level, including you!

You're definitely going to have to do some manning up on both sides of the argument. For myself I found it easier to do with my family first and then dealth with my relationship second. I've come out roses (for now) on either side.

The key for me was representing what was correct in either side's argument to the other side, then alternately sympathizing with them about their position. Check that - that's how I dealt with my family. With my wife I sympathized first, represented her in-laws' right position, and sympathized again... oy vey.

I found it imperative that I tabled my own emotional reaction. I allowed myself to feel, but did not amplify that feeling 'till I became a member of a goth band or a howling berzerker. 

You cannot write off a loving family and you won't have to. You will acknowledge their shortcomings and extoll their virtues. Your stepson probably needs to see you do this, too. But your wife needs to know you're there for her above all others, too.

Tough line to walk, huh? Ain't marriage grand?


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There's three people involved in all of this, not two. I can appreciate the Greek drama slash Freudian mother issues that lurk under the surface. I have them too. But you have to deal with this as a TRIO.


----------

