# People that have been cheated on in there marriage, what were the red flags?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Was it obvious or not so obvious?

How did they get caught caught?

With whom was it with?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Boxing judge said:


> Was it obvious or not so obvious?
> 
> How did they get caught caught?
> 
> With whom was it with?


There's lots of samples in the Infidelity forum... Have you browsed through there?

C


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> Was it obvious or not so obvious?
> 
> How did they get caught caught?
> 
> With whom was it with?


There's alot of "cheating" which doesn't necessarily have to be
physical...

Some red flags.

1. Rule heavy sex
2. Ultra critical of me and unable to relax around me
3. Low priority and didn't value my time
4. Going out too often late at night, sometimes spending night
out
5. Going out too often and leaving me back
6. Didn't use alot of time and energy on me

From my research, half of the sexless in marriage are sexless because the spouse is cheating. The other half is sexless because they are gay, they hate sex or they just don't like them.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Disengaged and disinterested with anything at home.
Suddenly Increasingly impatient and critical of me when I hadn't changed my normal behaviors.
Lack of interest in the kids.
New interest in her appearance, desperately trying to look younger and hotter and very obviously not for me. 
Sudden attachments to "girlfriends" who required her presence in the evenings.
Sudden stealthiness regarding her phone. Used to leave it laying wherever, now, kept it on her person. 
Sudden diligence about intercepting the credit card statement the second it hit the mailbox. For years, she couldn't care less about it. 
Right out of the blue questions about what would I and the kids do if she wasn't around anymore. 

She may as well have written "AFFAIR" in magic marker across her forehead.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw... Best indicator is unexplained changes in behaviour, particularly with regards to increasing attractiveness and privacy.

C


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Oh, and my personal two favorites...if I needed to have a direct message from God. She received a dozen roses at work. I frequently had sent her flowers so she assumed they came from me. Called me to thank me. Second, she wrote Affair Dude this syrupy lust letter detailing how she wished she wasn't married and a mother so they could be together. I found it on the floor in our bedroom while cleaning up. Kind of hard to deny it after that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Waking up in the middle of the night to find her gone, then waking up the next morning with her sleeping next to me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I've been in two relationships where they cheated. From my experience (and reading others) I would say the biggest red flag of all is a dysfunctional upbringing (abusive, abandonment, disinterested parents). 

Not all people from dysfunctional/abusive families grow up to be dysfunctional themselves, but it's a whole lot to overcome.

They're dealt a bad hand right from the start and they learn very destructive behaviors in order to survive.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

The main red flag is a wedding, or an engagement of some sort. Oh yea, forgot to mention, being born, that's kind of a red flag.

Seriously??? red flags? Are you kidding? Every relationship is different... to try to come up with some standard red flags is useless.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

the guy said:


> Waking up in the middle of the night to find her gone, then waking up the next morning with her sleeping next to me.


Same thing happened to me, except when I woke up, I saw Freddy Kruger. So apparently it was a dream of some sort...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: People that have been cheated on in there marriage, what were the red flags?*



justaguy123 said:


> The main red flag is a wedding, or an engagement of some sort. Oh yea, forgot to mention, being born, that's kind of a red flag.
> 
> Seriously??? red flags? Are you kidding? Every relationship is different... to try to come up with some standard red flags is useless.


No, I disagree, there are very identifiable changes in behavior that a spouse in an affair has.

The biggest red flag is when your gut is trying to tell you something doesn't feel right.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

signs from my exh: hypercritical of everything all of a sudden, anger displaced on myself and child, hiding/holding on to the phone for dear life!!!!!! having private conversations all of a sudden (ie in car), going out a lot more/returning from work late a lot


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> Was it obvious or not so obvious?
> 
> How did they get caught caught?
> 
> With whom was it with?


Your results may differ, but for me.....

1) My wife had a history of cheating when we got together. In fact, I was the OM for a while with her. Hey, I was younger and stupid. But that was the biggest one.

2) She started behaving differently in bed. Moaning differently, suddenly able to get off in different positions, etc...

3) She became extremely permissive with me in every day life. Whatever I wanted, I pretty much got. Like she felt guilty and was trying to atone.

4) Memories of things that never happened. As in, it wasn't me and her that snuggled on the couch and drank wine and had sex while watching Family Guy. It was some other dude.

5) Hey friends' boyfriends suddenly got really friendly around me, and overly concerned for me. Any time we'd meet up they'd be like "Hey man you ok? You doing alright? you sure? You sure everything is ok?" Cuz I'm guessing they knew and were wondering if I knew yet.

6) Bringing new guys around. This one is probably isolated to me. Any time my wife started bringing a guy around the house, it usually meant they were ****ing. You know, stuff like "Hey this is Bill from work, he doesn't have any friends so I thought we'd invite him to dinner." The sad thing is, she didn't do it out of meanness, spitefulness, or anything mean. She just really is THAT ****ING STUPID. Pure stupidity. Absolute lack of judgement of any kind.

7) "confessing" to small, insignificant things. Like she's laying a false trail. "hey honey, I have something to tell you. Remember that time I went to Denny's with Jenna? Well...Kyle went with us. I didn't wanna say anything cuz I was afraid you'd be jealous. But it was nothing inappropriate, it was just a last minute addition...." 

8) As I mentioned in #6, absolute stupidity. Is your partner behaving more stupid than usual? It's because they're trying to juggle three or four seperate plates. Yeah, MAYBE they're distracted by work. Or they're distracted by family problems. Or it's because they're screwing five different people and they can't keep their lives straight anymore. 

9) Also, I should've been clued into the fact that my wife was more frequently going out socially. I'm not a big socialite so it was fine for me that she go out; I got my alone time out of it and she got to hang with her friends. Some people saw this as a MAJOR red flag but I never got that worried about it. there'd be nights I would go out with my friends and she'd watch the kids. I'd sing karaoke, chicks would be drunk and all over me, and I never had ANY problem keeping them at arms length and flashing my wedding ring around saying "Sorry ladies, this is taken." I guess I assumed she'd find it just as easy as I did.


That's all I got for right now. But those were the biggest ones. Those were the things that really shouted to me "Hey man, you gotta pay more attention".


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

justaguy123 said:


> The main red flag is a wedding, or an engagement of some sort. Oh yea, forgot to mention, being born, that's kind of a red flag.
> 
> Seriously??? red flags? Are you kidding? Every relationship is different... to try to come up with some standard red flags is useless.


Actually their are several really good indicators of a spouse having an affair. Do some research and find out for yourself.

I know from my own experience that they actually do exist . Maybe not in all cases but I found lists of traits of women who cheat on their husbands and could have checked off every one for my x.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> Actually their are several really good indicators of a spouse having an affair. Do some research and find out for yourself.
> 
> I know from my own experience that they actually do exist . Maybe not in all cases but *I found lists of traits of women who cheat on their husbands and could have checked off every one for my x.*


This is a really interesting site....has tests, a forum, articles, lists.. signs of lying, cheating, recovery, counseling resources...you name it....

Lying and Infidelity in Romantic Relationships - Truth About Deception


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

Hiding her phone and running into the shower when coming home from a GNO  !?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ILuvTheDesserts said:


> Hiding her phone and running into the shower when coming home from a GNO  !?


Some of them go into the shower anyway. They may be sweaty and smokey from a bar or club environment and want to feel clean before they lay down. However if she can't stop and greet you, and has to dart straight to the shower each time... Then she is avoiding you so you can't smell her.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

ILuvTheDesserts said:


> Hiding her phone and running into the shower when coming home from a GNO  !?


Must be some new shower app.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

The signs my cheating ex showed were:

aloofness toward me

indifference toward me

resurrecting old grievances and cherishing grudges, even inventing them.

rewriting the marriage history

She had had very high morals and societal standards, and the above is what she used to give herself permission to cheat.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

commonsenseisn't said:


> The signs my cheating ex showed were:
> 
> aloofness toward me
> 
> ...


Did she also show you sexlessness?

Also perhaps she couldn't stand to be in the same space with you?


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