# To far? Wife bought same deoderant to smell her musical crush.



## RandomHusband101 (2 mo ago)

So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast. 
This story is already a bit to specific.. I'm not going to mention artist name.

She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.
She's got tonnes of sexy pics of him playing too.

She spends most of her online time posting in the artists/bands comunities.
She buys allllllll the merch. Shirts, pins,art, gadgets, almost anything he can sign a name to. She's even ordered some mini guitars are going to put a frame with some albums n stuff in it.

Latest thing I've noticed, she's found out what he smells like from talking to people who met him at a fan thing a while ago and has bought the same Deodorant to smell him.
She'll absolutely deny that's why she bought it.
She also claims its purely music and not him on a personal level, which I don't buy. Not at all.


Do you think the deoderant/smelling him or smelling like him is just to far?

I feel betrayed. But I also feel silly knowing it's kind of trivial.

I'm just really uncomfortable with the whole thing honestly.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast.
> 
> She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.
> She's got tonnes of sexy pics of hom playing too.
> ...


Who is this famous musician that has stolen all your wife's fantasies?


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Keith Richards?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Its difficult two say, but this tail has peeked my interest. Can certainly their could be many reasons your confronted with this. I hope TAM gives you some incite.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast.
> This story is already a bit to specific.. I'm not going to mention artist name.
> 
> She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.
> ...


Is there a possibility that a collection of this artist's stuff might be worth money one day? Your wife's obsession sounds like she's having a second teenage phase.
It's more than just the music for her, I reckon. Maybe there is some kind of emotional need being fulfilled that she hasn't had fulfilled yet.


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## RandomHusband101 (2 mo ago)

UAArchangel said:


> Is there a possibility that a collection of this artist's stuff might be worth money one day? Your wife's obsession sounds like she's having a second teenage phase.
> It's more than just the music for her, I reckon. Maybe there is some kind of emotional need being fulfilled that she hasn't had fulfilled yet.


Unlikely it'll ever be worth anything. Not that this is really the point. 

There's definitely some emotional connection. I feel its either personal or a way to escape her mundane life here. I've to discuss if she happy and stuff or feels like she's missing out. She denies it..

She is getting back into playing music again and I'm supporting her fully.

I'm totally cool with her geeking out musically, but when it's obviously this next level of smell n merch..I'm uncomfortable and feel a bit betrayed.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

That must be a helleva subliminal message that this dude pumps out in his singing.

Do not allow her to go to any of his concerts, alone.

As, it is, he now owns her mind.

If she meets up with him he will soon grope her obvious groupie body.

Pied Pipers.......they do exist.

...................................................

This celebrity issue aside....

I question her maturity, and would fear for her loyalty, if and when, some attractive interloper caught her eye, down the road.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast.


To echo @RandomDude, who is the lucky musician? Do tell!


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Trashy and immature, not my cup of tea


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast.
> This story is already a bit to specific.. I'm not going to mention artist name.
> 
> She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.
> ...


I understand why you're uncomfortable. 

As far as understanding the relationship between her liking his music and crushing on him, for a real music lover that's almost unavoidable. I spent a lot of my life being a huge fan and working in that industry. I crushed on a whole lot of people because I loved their music. I've also crushed on artists because I love their art. Really good art and music comes from the soul and you feel like you know the person.

Of course one thing you have to figure in is that sometimes the best part of a person is their art.

So I get why she's crushing on him if she loves his music and I don't doubt that she loves his music.

But yeah she's crushing on him. This was sort of normal and natural for everyone I knew in those years that I built my life around that. I feel like if the drive is that strong I'm not sure why they are married. Did you guys marry really young?

The thing is you're in between a rock and a hard place because you can't tell someone to stop crushing on someone. She probably can't help that. The only person you can control in this situation is yourself. Maybe if you tell her how it's cooling you off of your ardor for her and that you're finding it personally insulting that she's just wrapped up in it, maybe she'll learn to use some consideration. 

But the fact remains she's real into that. It isn't that different than men who are real into sports and idolize their favorite players and teams. The difference is though that with music you really are getting a glimpse into the soul of a person and in sports I would say that's not that tangible. 

It's not like you have to worry about her actually getting her hands on this guy. You might try to put it into perspective for her if you can think of an instance that she wouldn't put up with such as you watching porn, which is even more of a violation than this is, or if you had a crush on some supermodel or something and how would she feel. 

Do you guys have kids?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If it's Harry Stiles, he'll likely soon be replaced by the next trend. If it's anybody in Motley Crue, just make sure she doesn't get anywhere near them!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

How old is your wife she sounds very immature


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Sounds concerning, yeah. 

And extreme too, I mean buying the deodorant is bordering on concerning. But that depends on your age too. 

Do you go to the gigs with her, is she trying to communicate with him directly at all? Via messages or up close after the show?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

BootsAndJeans said:


> Keith Richards?


 Keef doesn't wear deodorant.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It isn't that different than men who are real into sports and idolize their favorite players and teams.


Yeah ... Nah
I don't know any guys who buy the deodorant of their favorite football player so they can swoon over him. Your mental gymnastics on the justification is quite entertaining though.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

If my wife suddenly got a crush on someone well known me knowing that person probably wouldn`t give her the time of day, it would not bother me in the least.
Leave your wife to her going nowhere fantasies and to get on with it, why should the OP care?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It’s immature for sure but nothing I’d personally worry about myself. It’s not like she is going to run off and bang a celebrity.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Honestly, it sounds like your wife is mentally ill. Either she has failed to grow and mature or she has something else going on and is using this ridiculousness to escape it or she has some type of OCD. Either way, this is NOT normal behavior for an adult.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Honestly, it sounds like your wife is mentally ill. Either she has failed to grow and mature or she has something else going on and is using this ridiculousness to escape it or she has some type of OCD. Either way, this is NOT normal behavior for an adult.


Thank you!

Though, I remember those early female _Elvis_ fans!
Collective madness, it was!

Group-think at its worst.

In Europe and elsewhere (for males) it is Football madness (soccer).
Some of those players are Gods or Demons, depending on whose team they play for.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast.
> This story is already a bit to specific.. I'm not going to mention artist name.
> 
> She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.
> ...


She seems kind of retarded?

Hope you don't have kids. I would find a grown ass woman myself.

You are with a juvenile at best.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomHusband101 said:


> Unlikely it'll ever be worth anything. Not that this is really the point.
> 
> There's definitely some emotional connection. I feel its either personal or a way to escape her mundane life here. I've to discuss if she happy and stuff or feels like she's missing out. She denies it..
> 
> ...


Nothing wrong with music but your wife needs therapy.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Guess your wife has become a meme:


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

This is what girls do in junior high. Grown adults who are married, not so much.

We’re huge music fans at my house, we have memorabilia all over the place, guitars and amps all over, etc… so I get being a music fan but this sounds a bit unhinged.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I’ll join the other voices here and say yes, this is a bit too much.

Its no wonder you feel betrayed.  If my wife was _seriously_ crushing on anyone else we would not be in a happy place. Celebrity or not.

This is very abnormal for an adult. It didn’t turn out very well for De Niro.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> Though, I remember those early female _Elvis_ fans!
> 
> In Europe and elsewhere (for males) it is Football madness (soccer).
> Some of those players are Gods or Demons, depending on whose team they play for.


It's always nice when the lunatics identify themselves.

That said, sometimes crazy is fun. In the immortal words of Billy Joel, "Take me as I am. 'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while!"


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> It's always nice when the lunatics identify themselves.
> 
> That said, sometimes crazy is fun. In the immortal words of Billy Joel, "Take me as I am. 'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while!"


You may be right!
I may be crazy.
But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for.

Ah yes…love songs from the piano man 🤣


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> It's always nice when the lunatics identify themselves.
> 
> That said, sometimes crazy is fun. In the immortal words of Billy Joel, "Take me as I am. 'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while!"


Threadjack-

That Avatar you have adopted...

You do realize that (he) is from _Hades_?

And, that he might be one of *The Red Queens* present royal protectors.

I find this odd. 

End of TJ.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Yeah ... Nah
> I don't know any guys who buy the deodorant of their favorite football player so they can swoon over him. Your mental gymnastics on the justification is quite entertaining though.


Oh really? Been going on for decades with advertising. Here's just one of the latest.





__





Loading…






www.vanityfair.com






Nah, men couldn't be that silly.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

One thing you can do is insist she can find her shrine to one space in the house.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Oh really? Been going on for decades with advertising. Here's just one of the latest.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Vanity fair is a women's magazine with ads for women. That doesn't make your point.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Vanity fair is a women's magazine with ads for women. That doesn't make your point.


Well if you had any kind of memory at all you would know that there have always been sports people promoting deodorants. Maybe you're too young to remember.

So I guess you don't have any sports jerseys or any sports memorabilia in your house. And that's great, but I'm going to say most guys do.

And I guess you've never read vanity Fair because it's it's for both sexes.

All you have to do is Google it. You're just trying it all costs to avoid this being the reality. 









Degree Deodorant launches campaign set to endorse 14 NCAA standout athletes


Degree Deodorant is launching a wide-ranging and inclusive marketing campaign that will endorse 14 college athletes after the NCAA's new NIL policies.



www.usatoday.com


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Is this musician a local/regional act or is he a famous Arena Headliner? If he’s local, I would definitely watch out. Either way, your Wife reminds me of Hector the Stalker in Blades of Glory.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The thing that gets me is the fact that she is lying to you. Who’s girlfriend or wife hasn’t crushed on her favorite singer/musician. Her ting about it is what would piss me off to no ends. If you are going to spend all of this time away from the relationship obsessed about this guy, don’t f’n lie about it.

Can you see what she is posting about this musician? Read through it if you can. See if she has fallen for this guy then confront her about it. Focus on her lying about her feelings for this guy and if she would be ok if you did this to her.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

.


RandomHusband101 said:


> Latest thing I've noticed, she's found out what he smells like from talking to people who met him at a fan thing a while ago and has bought the same Deodorant to smell him.
> She'll absolutely deny that's why she bought it.


What does she say is the reason for buying the deodorant?


RandomHusband101 said:


> She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.


If you said she changed her ringtone to one of his songs, I would think that's because she likes his music. But replacing a family pic on her phone with a sexy pic of this guy sounds like it's more about the visual and not so much the music.

Your wife's obsession with the musician sounds unhealthy--I think the deodorant thing makes it really over the top, unless she has a good reason that makes sense for buying it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

RandomHusband101 said:


> Unlikely it'll ever be worth anything. Not that this is really the point.
> 
> There's definitely some emotional connection. I feel its either personal or a way to escape her mundane life here. I've to discuss if she happy and stuff or feels like she's missing out. She denies it..
> 
> ...


If this artist she is crushing on is at a level where she would never actually meeting him I wouldn't be too worried about that angle. If it is some local person, I would be worried that they have already been together. 

What would worry me is why is she acting like a teenage girl. Her crush and obsession with this guy is pretty far over the top for a mature person. My wife loves Daughtry and we've been to many shows. Even got a rush from touching hands once while he was on stage. But he isn't a daily obsession.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

What brand deodorant?


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> What brand deodorant?


Summers Eve? Might be an issue...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> My wife loves Daughtry and we've been to many shows.


Hahah same with mine. I have only had to see him once though, the second one got cancelled.

My wife’s friend is into a singer songwriter guy who plays a lot of local shows but is also national. Anyway they have been to see him many times and have done the meet and greets and such.

She’s not a little girl though so she can go “tee hee” and such but not get out of control.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well if you had any kind of memory at all you would know that there have always been sports people promoting deodorants. Maybe you're too young to remember.


You seem seriously confused about the difference between crushing on someone and rooting for a player on a sports team. The OP said she bought it because that's what the guy smells like NOT what the guy endorses. Apples and Oranges and your pedantic attempts to keep pushing this narrative and create straw man arguments to do so just make you look silly and I know you're not.
If the OP had reversed the roles I know exactly what your position would be ... light the torches.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rubix Cubed said:


> You seem seriously confused about the difference between crushing on someone and rooting for a player on a sports team. The OP said she bought it because that's what the guy smells like NOT what the guy endorses. Apples and Oranges and your pedantic attempts to keep pushing this narrative and create straw man arguments to do so just make you look silly and I know you're not.
> If the OP had reversed the roles I know exactly what your position would be ... light the torches.


Idol worship is idol worship.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Idol worship is idol worship.


Maybe, but I doubt there are too many guys who want to **** their favorite linebacker.
A crush goes beyond idol worship, and this woman sounds like a teen girl with a Bieber crush.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Maybe, but I doubt there are too many guys who want to **** their favorite linebacker.
> A crush goes beyond idol worship, and this woman sounds like a teen girl with a Bieber crush.


I would call porn the same type thing, only worse than any of the rest. Guys get addicted to porn and it's a clear violation lots worse than this deal. Of course, most of them know enough not to put up photos all over the house!!


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Captain Obvious said:


> Is this musician a local/regional act or is he a famous Arena Headliner? If he’s local, I would definitely watch out. Either way, your Wife reminds me of Hector the Stalker in Blades of Glory.


If local, definitely a red flag 🚩 🙄


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## RandomHusband101 (2 mo ago)

So I confronted her. She of course denies thats why she has the can. Called me crazy.
Went on to tell me it arrived by accident with grocery delivery months ago [95% sure it didnt as I unpack them mostly]

I did the unthinkable and looked through her phone and found she'd deleted a whole.conversation with a bloke [another fan of same guy, single dad]
This escalated situation. Did some more homework, doesn't seem to be much to worry about directly.
She said she deleted it because she didn't want me to find it and get mad. Which made it worse.

Discussed everything in great detail. Set some boundaries around what I'm comfortable with in regards to her geeking out. Will see what happens over next couple of weeks and months.

Now to try and answer a few different posts in one go....

Yes we have children. We are both 40.

The musician is high profile aussie artist. Not international, but not a local act either. Not to worried he'd try anything.

She does try to connect with him through social media via taggged pics, comments and AMA threads. 
If it were purely musical I wouldn't care, but it's the sexual desire and more importantly it feels like she's getting some level of emotional connection or some sort of escapist relief through this bloke. 

It was good to get some stuff on chest and discuss limits. Hopefully the discussions will hold long term benefits. Let's see.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Your wife is not trustworthy right now, the deleted convo with single dad bloke shows that. Looking through her phone is not unthinkable, she clearly had something to hide. The only privacy you are entitled to in marriage is being able to take a deuce in peace.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So I confronted her. She of course denies thats why she has the can. Called me crazy.
> Went on to tell me it arrived by accident with grocery delivery months ago [95% sure it didnt as I unpack them mostly]
> 
> I did the unthinkable and looked through her phone and found she'd deleted a whole.conversation with a bloke [another fan of same guy, single dad]
> ...


Yeah. Deleted conversation is bad and having it in the first place, of course.

Another minus is the children. Put the kabosh on her behavior yesterday as this can definitely impact their growth and what they find accepted and acceptable in spouses.

I had one friend who's wife went to a male review annually and pinned up pictures of her with strippers and her mother (grandma) sandwiched in between beefcake.

I talked to him and he had her take it down but the skank cheated on him anyway but at least his daughters saw that he didn't condone her pathetic behavior.

You're children should be imprinted by a woman acting like a grown ass woman and wife, not a pathetic groupie wannabe.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

RandomHusband101 said:


> She said she deleted it because she didn't want me to find it and get mad. Which made it worse.


This is a big problem. 
Do you think you found the first and only thing she has hidden from you?


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

RandomHusband101 said:


> So my wife almost all of a sudden developed a really strong crush on a musician about a year or more ago after listening to a podcast.
> This story is already a bit to specific.. I'm not going to mention artist name.
> 
> She claims its all about the music, but she replaced a family pic with sexy pic of this guy as her phone background.
> ...


Your feelings aren't silly.

She has betrayed you, emotionally cheating, and has an inappropriate fixation on another man... regardless of his popularity status.


Revising the family photo to include him would have been the final straw for me.


You are not her ideal man. He is.

She doesn't show this devotion and enthusiasm to/ for you.

She doesn't show this type of loyalty and commitment to/for you.

She doesn't show this type of dedication to/for you.

She doesn't show this type of support to/for you.

She doesn't show nor have this type of affection to/for you.


She's overly consumed.


She doesn't sniff your deodorant.


She's planning on making this emotional affair physical..(she definitely will try to).


She's going to go willingly be a groupie someday...and perhaps it will be soon.


She will try to bone him if given the chance.

This marriage is over.

You won't ever trust her, and you will always feel inadequate and insecure.

I seriously would lawyer up and leave her.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

RandomHusband101 said:


> I did the unthinkable and looked through her phone and found she'd deleted a whole.conversation with a bloke [another fan of same guy, single dad]


Yea, I agree with others, this changes the landscape.

Talking with another guy about a common ‘infatuation’ is a bonding experience, which can lead to an emotional affair. If I were you I’d treat this as much more than a one-off. Pay super-close attention to her and her phone right now. If she’s hooked on this guy, this won’t be the last contact she has with him.

Its possible her crush is somewhat acting as a cover for her attraction to this other guy, which is why it makes so little sense.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Maybe, but I doubt there are too many guys who want to **** their favorite linebacker.
> A crush goes beyond idol worship, and this woman sounds like a teen girl with a Bieber crush.


It is a one sided emotional affair. Were the circumstances to arise, her knickers would be off before you could blink.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Sounds like delayed adolescnece. There is something, in the words of Bug Bunny, "Screwy going on here".


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## SnowToArmPits (Jan 2, 2016)

> Yes we have children. We are both 40.


For a 40 yr old that seems immature of her. 

Is she a good wife, companion, and mother otherwise? Or has she been abandoning the marriage for this obsession?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Tiddytok5 said:


> Your feelings aren't silly.
> 
> She has betrayed you, emotionally cheating, and has an inappropriate fixation on another man... regardless of his popularity status.
> 
> ...


With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello


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