# How does everyone deal with random men dancing with their wives?



## BobA

Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other. It's not common that we go out anywhere more "club" like, but now and then will meet up with friends have some drinks and listen to music. However my wife likes to dance from time to time. Which increases after a few drinks. I personally usually don't much but will a little bit to make her happy. The issue, my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her. Which leads to some comments like "you are really pretty" etc. Luckily so far no one has ever been rude, and she will tell them that she is married if the guy is a bit too pushy. Now being older I have calmed down a lot since my younger years. I use to be pretty protective and confrontational with other guys. But now that I have matured I just keep an eye on her and don't let it get to me. _Although_ the last time it happened (a few months ago), even though the guy was being respectful, not touching her etc. I got a bit angry, I had been drinking and standing with my old high school buddies and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that old mentality. 

This led me to straight out start burning and staring down the guy and one of my buddies calmed me down and went out and cut in so to speak. 

So my question is how do you guys handle these situations? I don't want to tell my wife that she can't dance, and so far nothing "bad" has happened. But at the same time what if something does? Perhaps a guy gets touchy or a bit overzealous for instance. I only ask now because we are going on a trip next week and will be in somewhat of a drinking / party type atmosphere (out of country). So there will be nightlife. I just want to stay mature and be prepared for a level headed way to handle things. 

How do you guys handle these situations?


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## Evinrude58

I wouldn’t handle it well at all. I wouldn’t marry a woman that liked to go out to dance clubs often, but everyone has their thing and as long as she’s with you, I see no huge danger in it, other than the situation you describe could very easily get you killed:
People are vile now as a whole. There could be some drunk loser pull a knife or a gun on you, just for “cutting in”, although maybe you feel the places you go aren’t frequented by that type of person (one never really knows)…

myself, I don’t care to be in an environment where other men are enjoying my wife, we’re I to have one now.


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## Jung_admirer

Have a conversation with your wife and tell her very specifically what interactions you are uncomfortable with. Then tell her why you are uncomfortable and listen to her response. I've had this conversation with my wife when she was spending (what I believed to be) too much time on the phone with a high school friend (opposite sex). I told her I was uncomfortable and asked her to explain her boundaries. IMHO, people should seek intimate validation from their partners, same sex friends and family... opposite sex friends are a slippery slope.


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## ConanHub

From the situation you described, I would make sure to dance a little more with her and maybe she could sit out a couple more to mark her territory next to you. It would be both of you compromising a little to show more of a united front to outsiders.

My wife loves to dance and is good at it. I don't love it but I can dance well. We rarely go out but when we do, she only dances with me, girlfriends or close friends and relatives.

Randos need not apply. Mrs. C just isn't interested to be clear. I suppose I wouldn't mind if she did but she has never given me any reason not to trust in her loyalty and fidelity.

Has your wife earned your perfect confidence?


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## BobA

We have talked about it, and from what I have observed she never pays other guys the time of day. She usually just dances and has fun. I think the most interactions I have seen is a few responses when guys make comments to her. I just feel like if I straight out tell her she is not allowed to dance, it becomes controlling.


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## BobA

ConanHub said:


> From the situation you described, I would make sure to dance a little more with her and maybe she could sit out a couple more to mark her territory next to you. It would be both of you compromising a little to show more of a united front to outsiders.
> 
> My wife loves to dance and is good at it. I don't love it but I can dance well. We rarely go out but when we do, she only dances with me, girlfriends or close friends and relatives.
> 
> Randos need not apply. Mrs. C just isn't interested to be clear. I suppose I wouldn't mind if she did but she has never given me any reason not to trust in her loyalty and fidelity.
> 
> Has your wife earned your perfect confidence?


Ya like I said we don't have trust issues. And I don't feel like I need to worry about her, but I just don't know how to handle situations if things get a bit much. I mean I think we all know that some guys, especially if hitting the beers can become emboldened. So in these situation what is the correct thing to do? Someone just said you can't cut in due to being stabbed or shot...


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## Blondilocks

Instead of stewing, just cut in when you're feeling uncomfortable (just say "mind if I dance with my wife") and perhaps thank the chap for holding your place. You can't blame the guys - it's your wife on the dance floor, after all.


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## Married but Happy

When we took dance lessons, we constantly changed partners as it helped to learn the moves and how to lead/follow better. Then when we went out dancing, we'd dance with out friend's partners too. Sometimes we'd dance with someone else who asked. Sometimes I'd go to out with friends and dance with other women when my wife couldn't come for whatever reason. For us, it's not an issue if either of us dances with someone else, even if we don't know them - as long as it's kept respectful.

That said, some people only wanted to dance with their own partner. However, if one partner would not dance, then it is unfair and unreasonable to prevent the other from enjoying the activity as long as it remains respectful. Even a total klutz can get out there and sway back and forth in a slow dance - no skill needed for that! IMO, you need to up your game if you don't want your wife dancing with other men.


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## ConanHub

BobA said:


> Ya like I said we don't have trust issues. And I don't feel like I need to worry about her, but I just don't know how to handle situations things get a bit much. I mean I think we all know that some guys, especially if hitting the beers can become emboldened. So in these situation what is the correct thing to do? Someone just said you can't cut in due to being stabbed or shot...


She should turn more random guys down. I can't actually fathom a faithful wife being interested in idiots to dance with. A little less booze in these situations would prevent more bad situations developing. She probably should not accept with any man who isn't close to sober. This goes for her too. She needs to watch it if she wants the freedom to dance with others.

Men should also be respectful of your marriage and make certain that you BOTH are good with her dancing with them.

It sounds like just having a couple of firmer boundaries, a little more restraint and showing more of a united front will eliminate a lot of the opportunities for bad situations to develop.

Also, don't go to a dive. Make sure it is classy with professional bouncers.


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## Captain Obvious

Just follow the advice of the Great Cooler Dalton. Be nice until it's time to not be nice. It sounds like your wife has good enough boundaries when she's dancing, especially if she pays no attention to them. Let her handle it until she needs you to handle it for her.


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## ConanHub

Captain Obvious said:


> Just follow the advice of the Great Cooler Dalton. Be nice until it's time to not be nice. It sounds like your wife has good enough boundaries when she's dancing, especially if she pays no attention to them. Let her handle it until she needs you to handle it for her.


And, going to a place with a good cooler or three helps keep everything nice.

Most people avoid confrontation with me and I have never had anyone misbehave with my Mrs. when I'm around but I'm built and I've been in real fights since childhood.

It pays to use your head regardless and avoid dumb situations.


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## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> Instead of stewing, just cut in when you're feeling uncomfortable (just say "mind if I dance with my wife") and perhaps thank the chap for holding your place. You can't blame the guys - it's your wife on the dance floor, after all.


Pretty much this. A dance floor is a place where it is not only not uncommon to strike up interactions with the opposite sex, it is EXPECTED. Even if your wife has no interest in these other guys, you cannot blame them for using a dance floor pretty much as it was intended. It's like going to a bar and complaining that everyone has a drink in their hand.



BobA said:


> Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other.


Are you sure about this? If you fully trusted her, you would recognize that dancing with other men in your presence is not a threat. Even if you can't stop your reptile brain from not liking it (understandable), you should be able to rationalize it. 

So what are your choices?

1. Tell your wife no more dancing. I would call that controlling, others here would disagree
2. Stop going with your wife. Assuming she enjoys your presence, that could be counterproductive.
3. Change your reaction to what you seem to understand is really only your problem.


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## In Absentia

it's obviously your problem, OP. But understandable. Personally, I would not go out dancing with my wife. She can go... I hate dancing, anyway. And I trust (trusted) my wife.


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## Harold Demure

There really is one simple solution to this, get out there and dance with your wife.

Besides the fact it will keep random strangers away, your wife WILL LOVE it that you dance with her, she will be delighted that you have chosen to join her in an activity she obviously enjoys and you will get brownie points all round.

Who knows, you may actually enjoy it plus you get lots of exercise instead of being one of the old gammons sat on the edge of the room.

REAL men dance, it doesn’t matter how good or bad you are. You start dancing and you will find women flocking around you to dance.

Don’t take my word for it, see if Ladies on here agree with this.


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## jonty30

BobA said:


> Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other. It's not common that we go out anywhere more "club" like, but now and then will meet up with friends have some drinks and listen to music. However my wife likes to dance from time to time. Which increases after a few drinks. I personally usually don't much but will a little bit to make her happy. The issue, my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her. Which leads to some comments like "you are really pretty" etc. Luckily so far no one has ever been rude, and she will tell them that she is married if the guy is a bit too pushy. Now being older I have calmed down a lot since my younger years. I use to be pretty protective and confrontational with other guys. But now that I have matured I just keep an eye on her and don't let it get to me. _Although_ the last time it happened (a few months ago), even though the guy was being respectful, not touching her etc. I got a bit angry, I had been drinking and standing with my old high school buddies and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that old mentality.
> 
> This led me to straight out start burning and staring down the guy and one of my buddies calmed me down and went out and cut in so to speak.
> 
> So my question is how do you guys handle these situations? I don't want to tell my wife that she can't dance, and so far nothing "bad" has happened. But at the same time what if something does? Perhaps a guy gets touchy or a bit overzealous for instance. I only ask now because we are going on a trip next week and will be in somewhat of a drinking / party type atmosphere (out of country). So there will be nightlife. I just want to stay mature and be prepared for a level headed way to handle things.
> 
> How do you guys handle these situations?


My response would be to take dancing lessons and she would always be dancing with me, coincidentally.
If she wants to dance, we'll dance.

Just call me Mr. Astaire.


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## BobA

Cletus said:


> Pretty much this. A dance floor is a place where it is not only not uncommon to strike up interactions with the opposite sex, it is EXPECTED. Even if your wife has no interest in these other guys, you cannot blame them for using a dance floor pretty much as it was intended. It's like going to a bar and complaining that everyone has a drink in their hand.
> 
> 
> 
> Are you sure about this? If you fully trusted her, you would recognize that dancing with other men in your presence is not a threat. Even if you can't stop your reptile brain from not liking it (understandable), you should be able to rationalize it.
> 
> So what are your choices?
> 
> 1. Tell your wife no more dancing. I would call that controlling, others here would disagree
> 2. Stop going with your wife. Assuming she enjoys your presence, that could be counterproductive.
> 3. Change your reaction to what you seem to understand is really only your problem.


I 100% feel it's controlling to tell my wife no. She is an independant person who makes her own decisions. Who am I to tell her what to do? Going dancing isn't a common thing for us either, it's just my upcoming situation we will be without friends. And I know she wants to dance, I will try my best but it's hard for me to just keep it up. At least long enough to assert dominance... lol, which is pretty much what someone else said. You are right though, those emotions and such are on ME. My main question was how do others handle other guys crossing certain boundaries. Obviously I am not in HS and can't go out and start some jealousy fueled fight. So I need to figure out how to help these situations in the best manner if things get a bit much.


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## jonty30

BobA said:


> I 100% feel it's controlling to tell my wife no. She is an independant person who makes her own decisions. Who am I to tell her what to do? Going dancing isn't a common thing for us either, it's just my upcoming situation we will be without friends. And I know she wants to dance, I will try my best but it's hard for me to just keep it up. At least long enough to assert dominance... lol, which is pretty much what someone else said. You are right though, those emotions and such are on ME. My main question was how do others handle other guys crossing certain boundaries. Obviously I am not in HS and can't go out and start some jealousy fueled fight. So I need to figure out how to help these situations in the best manner if things get a bit much.


She's testing you to see if you'll protect her. 
If she was dancing with her brother, that would be fine. 
Her willingness to step on the floor with a stranger is one the tests a woman will use on her man to see if he'll protect her. 

I suggest that you take some dancing lessons,so there are less tests and a more enjoyable outing for her.


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## ConanHub

BobA said:


> I 100% feel it's controlling to tell my wife no. She is an independant person who makes her own decisions. Who am I to tell her what to do? Going dancing isn't a common thing for us either, it's just my upcoming situation we will be without friends. And I know she wants to dance, I will try my best but it's hard for me to just keep it up. At least long enough to assert dominance... lol, which is pretty much what someone else said. You are right though, those emotions and such are on ME. My main question was how do others handle other guys crossing certain boundaries. Obviously I am not in HS and can't go out and start some jealousy fueled fight. So I need to figure out how to help these situations in the best manner if things get a bit much.


I've mostly given advice on how to avoid and mitigate.

I'm not sure how you are made up but I would not have to intervene if a guy got out of line because Mrs. C is a firecracker. If a guy was stupid enough to try and push through her resistance, he would be on the way to the hospital or morgue and I would be explaining my behavior to the authorities.


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## BigDaddyNY

BobA said:


> I 100% feel it's controlling to tell my wife no. She is an independant person who makes her own decisions. Who am I to tell her what to do? Going dancing isn't a common thing for us either, it's just my upcoming situation we will be without friends. And I know she wants to dance, I will try my best but it's hard for me to just keep it up. At least long enough to assert dominance... lol, which is pretty much what someone else said. You are right though, those emotions and such are on ME. My main question was how do others handle other guys crossing certain boundaries. Obviously I am not in HS and can't go out and start some jealousy fueled fight. So I need to figure out how to help these situations in the best manner if things get a bit much.


It seems pretty simple to me. If you are sitting one out and someone approaches her on the dance floor that is your que to get up and start dancing with your wife. Just walk up to her, say "hi honey", plant a kiss on her and start dancing. The guy will get the hint, if not just tell him to stop dancing with your wife.


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## SpinyNorman

BobA said:


> Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other. It's not common that we go out anywhere more "club" like, but now and then will meet up with friends have some drinks and listen to music. However my wife likes to dance from time to time.


Personally, I am not jealous of my W dancing w/ other guys. We used to go to Contra Dances, where it is expected everyone is going to partner w/ every other opposite sex person there. It is not orgy-like.


> The issue, my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her. Which leads to some comments like "you are really pretty" etc. Luckily so far no one has ever been rude, and she will tell them that she is married if the guy is a bit too pushy.


 I don't hate a guy who approaches a woman he thinks is single. If she tells him she's married and he persists that is out of line but you did say "no one has ever been rude". Telling her she's pretty is IMO flirting and at that point she will back him off one way or another.


> _Although_ the last time it happened (a few months ago), even though the guy was being respectful, not touching her etc. I got a bit angry, I had been drinking and standing with my old high school buddies and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that old mentality.


Don't know what is up w/ this. Are you being honest w/ yourself?


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## jonty30

SpinyNorman said:


> Personally, I am not jealous of my W dancing w/ other guys. We used to go to Contra Dances, where it is expected everyone is going to partner w/ every other opposite sex person there. It is not orgy-like. I don't hate a guy who approaches a woman he thinks is single. If she tells him she's married and he persists that is out of line but you did say "no one has ever been rude".Don't know what is up w/ this. Are you being honest w/ yourself?


While, ideally, you don't think of it as being jealous, women take note as to when their husbands step forward and don't.
They file away everything that you have done to protect them and when you have not.


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## Cletus

BigDaddyNY said:


> It seems pretty simple to me. If you are sitting one out and someone approaches her on the dance floor that is your que to get up and start dancing with your wife. Just walk up to her, say "hi honey", plant a kiss on her and start dancing. The guy will get the hint, if not just tell him to stop dancing with your wife.


So I'm not calling out your reply here. It's a perfectly adult and reasonable solution.

I am interested in why someone would want to do this, however. Why is it such a threat for your wife to dance respectfully with another man - so much so that every time she gets approached by one, you would feel compelled to get up and intervene? That sounds exhausting and hard on your bladder. 

I took ballroom lessons with my wife early on in our marriage. Yeah, I get that it isn't exactly the same, but partner switching was an expected part of the whole deal. Why would I feel so insecure and threatened that I have to be the only man my wife ever dances with until the universe grows cold?


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## BobA

jonty30 said:


> She's testing you to see if you'll protect her.
> If she was dancing with her brother, that would be fine.
> Her willingness to step on the floor with a stranger is one the tests a woman will use on her man to see if he'll protect her.
> 
> I suggest that you take some dancing lessons,so there are less tests and a more enjoyable outing for her.


She never steps onto the floor with a stranger. She sometimes gets approached by them. My question was simply if you see something going on, not being initiated by your SO, how do you deal with it? Such as, ignore it, intervene, etc. Due to the responses I am getting advice from "don't do anything you could get stabbed", to "take dance lessons" (no offense). I guess I am just over thinking it.


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## jonty30

BobA said:


> She never steps onto the floor with a stranger. She sometimes gets approached by them. My question was simply if you see something going on, not being initiated by your SO, how do you deal with it? Such as, ignore it, intervene, etc. Due to the responses I am getting advice from "don't do anything you could get stabbed", to "take dance lessons" (no offense). I guess I am just over thinking it.


As long as she never steps on the floor. It should always be you that steps on the floor with her. 
If she is approached, that's fine. If the stranger starts to try and pull her out of her chair, that's the time to act.


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## BobA

jonty30 said:


> As long as she never steps on the floor. It should always be you that steps on the floor with her.
> If she is approached, that's fine. If the stranger starts to try and pull her out of her chair, that's the time to act.


Thank you, that is the type of simple answer that I was hoping for.


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## Cletus

jonty30 said:


> As long as she never steps on the floor. It should always be you that steps on the floor with her.
> If she is approached, that's fine. If the stranger starts to try and pull her out of her chair, that's the time to act.


Seems to me that the point in time when a stranger tries to pull her out of her chair, it's time for her to act.

When in this situation did she lose all agency?


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## SpinyNorman

jonty30 said:


> While, ideally, you don't think of it as being jealous, women take note as to when their husbands step forward and don't.
> They file away everything that you have done to protect them and when you have not.


If this is useful to TS, then I thank you on his behalf. 

As for me, my W doesn't seem to want protection if all that's needed is telling a guy she isn't on the prowl.


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## jonty30

Cletus said:


> Seems to me that the point in time when a stranger tries to pull her out of her chair, it's time for her to act.
> 
> When in this situation did she lose all agency?


Because, if he's pulling, she's already implied no. 
Like I said, you're being tested at this moment.


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## Diana7

Op what sort of dancing is this and is your wife dancing alone or in a group of friends? 
What sort of places do you go to?


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## BigDaddyNY

Cletus said:


> So I'm not calling out your reply here. It's a perfectly adult and reasonable solution.
> 
> I am interested in why someone would want to do this, however. Why is it such a threat for your wife to dance respectfully with another man - so much so that every time she gets approached by one, you would feel compelled to get up and intervene? That sounds exhausting and hard on your bladder.
> 
> I took ballroom lessons with my wife early on in our marriage. Yeah, I get that it isn't exactly the same, but partner switching was an expected part of the whole deal. Why would I feel so insecure and threatened that I have to be the only man my wife ever dances with until the universe grows cold?


The OP is the one that has the issue, not me. It is rare, because I'm usually up dancing with my wife in these situations, but I've watched some guys start to dance with my wife. I wasn't worried because I had line of site and I knew she would slap the **** of out someone that did something inappropriate. I've seen some guys that are really creepy on the dance floor and if I senses something like that I would certainly step in. 

What I suggested is for someone that is feeling uncomfortable about an unknown man dancing with their wife. If it makes you uncomfortable then get up and dance, how's that song go?


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## Diana7

BigDaddyNY said:


> The OP is the one that has the issue, not me. It is rare, because I'm usually up dancing with my wife in these situations, but I've watched some guys start to dance with my wife. I wasn't worried because I had line of site and I knew she would slap the **** of out someone that did something inappropriate. I've seen some guys that are really creepy on the dance floor and if I senses something like that I would certainly step in.
> 
> What I suggested is for someone that is feeling uncomfortable about an unknown man dancing with their wife. If it makes you uncomfortable then get up and dance, how's that song go?


 I think it depends on the type of dancing. Dancing separately but together? Ballroom dancing? Smoochy close dancing?


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## BigDaddyNY

Diana7 said:


> I think it depends on the type of dancing. Dancing separately but together? Ballroom dancing? Smoochy close dancing?


Right, I'm not talking about slow dancing. I would be uncomfortable with touching, other than something maybe like ballroom dancing. I was really talking about dancing to pop/rock kind of stuff where there usually isn't close, intimate contact between dance partner. I don't see a big issue with that if I am there.


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## Captain Obvious

Diana7 said:


> I think it depends on the type of dancing. Dancing separately but together? Ballroom dancing? Smoochy close dancing?


I'm betting its normal bar/club dancing. Popular pop, rap, and RnB hits from the 70s to today, not slow dance prom or gown and ball stuff.


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## Marc878

I don’t dance with others and neither does my wife. It’s a mutual understanding and it’s no one else’s business.


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## drencrom

Back when I was dating anyone exclusively, I came to learn if a woman likes to go "clubbing", then she isn't the one for me. 

How would I handle it? Well, by not being with her. You, OP are married though. So how would I handle it if I were married? Well, obviously if you tell her you're uncomfortable with her "clubbing", which likely won't go over well, then you need to tell her what you are uncomfortable with and that you expect HER to shut it down beyond just merely saying she is married.

If a guy doesn't respect the fact she is married, then she needs to tell him to step off. If he won't, then she needs to move to another part of the dancefloor. If he follows her, then she needs to exit the dancefloor, let him follow her.....right to you where you can ask if there is a problem.

But you're wife should know what is acceptable and what is not and what is showing you respect and what not.


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## gaius

Cletus said:


> I am interested in why someone would want to do this, however. Why is it such a threat for your wife to dance respectfully with another man - so much so that every time she gets approached by one, you would feel compelled to get up and intervene? That sounds exhausting and hard on your bladder.


Because there is no "respectfully" with other men. If some guy is approaching my wife on the dance floor he's up to something on some level. And even though my wife doesn't do that, and would never let any other guy get anywhere, that doesn't mean I want to set the precedent of standing in the corner and letting her handle it. Like a weak cuckold.

Is it tiring? Sure. But most things that are worthwhile to have, like a woman's respect, you have to work for.


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## drencrom

gaius said:


> Because there is no "respectfully" with other men. If some guy is approaching my wife on the dance floor he's up to something on some level. And even though my wife doesn't do that, and would never let any other guy get anywhere, that doesn't mean I want to set the precedent of standing in the corner and letting her handle it. Like a weak cuckold.
> 
> Is it tiring? Sure. But most things that are worthwhile to have, like a woman's respect, you have to work for.


Precisely, a guy doesn't approach a woman on the dancefloor thinking, "I am in absolutely no way attracted to this woman whatsoever....but I think I'll go out there and dance with her." unless its a really good friend.


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## SunCMars

ConanHub said:


> And, going to a place with a good cooler or three helps keep everything nice.
> 
> Most people avoid confrontation with me and I have never had anyone misbehave with my Mrs. when I'm around but I'm built and I've been in real fights since childhood.
> 
> It pays to use your head regardless and avoid dumb situations.


Tut! 

Big muscles and bad tempers, cause the seemingly weak to break a chair over your head, or to send lead your way.


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## ConanHub

SunCMars said:


> Tut!
> 
> Big muscles and bad tempers, cause the seemingly weak to break a chair over your head, or to send lead your way.


Well. Big muscles, check,
Bad temper, check
Years of experience and training, check
Self control, check


I avoid most idiotic situations. When I can't, I've never come close to being harmed.

Those stupid enough to reject every overture at avoiding violence are so low in ability as to be wheat to my scythe.

My experience is not conjecture.

Speak to your god of war.😉


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## SpinyNorman

BigDaddyNY said:


> It seems pretty simple to me. If you are sitting one out and someone approaches her on the dance floor that is your que to get up and start dancing with your wife. Just walk up to her, say "hi honey", plant a kiss on her and start dancing. The guy will get the hint, if not just tell him to stop dancing with your wife.


Would your wife see through this? Mine would.


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## BigDaddyNY

SpinyNorman said:


> Would your wife see through this? Mine would.


She would know exactly what I was doing and I'm okay with that. I have no problem knowing I will stand up for my marriage.


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## DownByTheRiver

FFS. People at dances DANCE with each other. They are allowed to change partners and dance with whomever. That is what dancing is about. It's perfectly normal to dance with multiple partners and cut in and all that. That's dancing rules. As long as some guy isn't humping your wife on the dance floor or nuzzling her neck or kissing her, he's not doing anything wrong. You, on the other hand, are embarrassing the crap out of your wife because it's clear you have no social acumen. Even if a drunk does start humping your wife on the dance floor, you go up and say "May I cut in" and retrieve your wife, but then YOU have to dance with her. You can't just cut in and stop the dance without taking over. You need to chill out.


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## SunCMars

DownByTheRiver said:


> FFS. People at dances DANCE with each other. They are allowed to change partners and dance with whomever. That is what dancing is about. It's perfectly normal to dance with multiple partners and cut in and all that. That's dancing rules. As long as some guy isn't humping your wife on the dance floor or nuzzling her neck or kissing her, he's not doing anything wrong. You, on the other hand, are embarrassing the crap out of your wife because it's clear you have no social acumen. Even if a drunk does start humping your wife on the dance floor, you go up and say "May I cut in" and retrieve your wife, but then YOU have to dance with her. You can't just cut in and stop the dance without taking over. You need to chill out.


This is why cavemen should never go dancing with their wives.

That said, _23 & Me,_ said I have 3.5 % of Neanderthal genes resting uncomfortably in me.

I prefer slow dancing, even line dancing.

Iowa has some great, line-dancing halls.


----------



## jjj858

I deal with it by not taking her to places where single men will attempt to dance with her.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

SunCMars said:


> This is why cavemen should never go dancing with their wives.
> 
> That said, _23 & Me,_ said I have 3.5 % of Neanderthal genes resting uncomfortably in me.
> 
> I prefer slow dancing, even line dancing.
> 
> Iowa has some great, line-dancing halls.


This guy would probably look upon line dancing as a sex orgy.


----------



## Cletus

gaius said:


> Is it tiring? Sure. But most things that are worthwhile to have, like a woman's respect, you have to work for.


A wife, going to a club to dance with me in tow, expecting me to intervene every time someone thinks she's single and fair game to ask for a dance on the dance floor?

If that is the requirement for respect, then that woman is too high maintenance for me. Thanks, I'll pass.


----------



## ConanHub

BobA said:


> She never steps onto the floor with a stranger. She sometimes gets approached by them. My question was simply if you see something going on, not being initiated by your SO, how do you deal with it? Such as, ignore it, intervene, etc. Due to the responses I am getting advice from "don't do anything you could get stabbed", to "take dance lessons" (no offense). I guess I am just over thinking it.


Could you be specific about what actually had happened and how your wife deals with it?

She should honestly be able to handle herself with everyone excepting the very few idiots and she should be able to avoid the majority of them.

Mrs. C is 5' tall and petite and she could handle most men in these situations.


----------



## lifeistooshort

I'm not much of a dancer, but I have a friend who used to take Salsa lessons and would go to Salsa conventions. Her now ex hb refused to dance with her but was upset that she danced with other men. But Salsa requires a partner....and to my knowledge she never fooled around on him.

But this kind of thing with men approaching women isn't limited to dancing. I see this all the time in my running and cycling clubs. As a woman you certainly need good boundaries, but I would also say that where the husbands or boyfriends make their presence known it makes a ton of difference. I've seen it firsthand....guy is trying to chat up a woman and her man comes over and chimes in. He doesn't usually have to be a jerk....just seeing him there will run off a lot of men with shady intentions. The ones who are just socializing will stick around and chat with the husband/bf.

Before I started dating my bf, who I met cycling, I was approached by a few different men that I felt were feeling out my interest. Once it became clear we were together and he's always there nobody else approached me beyond friendly greetings that they'd do in front of him. His presence is known.

So take Blondilocks' advice and make your presence known.


----------



## Diana7

BigDaddyNY said:


> Right, I'm not talking about slow dancing. I would be uncomfortable with touching, other than something maybe like ballroom dancing. I was really talking about dancing to pop/rock kind of stuff where there usually isn't close, intimate contact between dance partner. I don't see a big issue with that if I am there.


Yes I agree.


----------



## Diana7

jjj858 said:


> I deal with it by not taking her to places where single men will attempt to dance with her.


Yes same with us. I have no interest in dancing with a stranger or any guy unless it's family. My husband hates loud pop music and isn't a dancer. Going to a club would be a nightmare for him. I may dance at a wedding where we know people but that's it.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

There are people who love to dance, and it's great exercise and a wonderful social outlet for them, and there's nothing wrong with it. But you shouldn't marry someone who is possessive and doesn't understand dance rules and either doesn't dance or won't share you with the room.


----------



## ABHale

BobA said:


> She never steps onto the floor with a stranger. She sometimes gets approached by them. My question was simply if you see something going on, not being initiated by your SO, how do you deal with it? Such as, ignore it, intervene, etc. Due to the responses I am getting advice from "don't do anything you could get stabbed", to "take dance lessons" (no offense). I guess I am just over thinking it.



It depends on the situation. If it is something your wife can handle, let her. If it is something she can’t, then deal with the situation.


----------



## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are people who love to dance, and it's great exercise and a wonderful social outlet for them, and there's nothing wrong with it. But you shouldn't marry someone who is possessive and doesn't understand dance rules and either doesn't dance or won't share you with the room.


Not sure I would not marry a person just because they liked dancing less than me.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> Not sure I would not marry a person just because they liked dancing less than me.


I said a possessive person. If dancing is your hobby, you want to dance. So either marry a dancer or someone who doesn't care if you go dance.


----------



## Yoni

She is type of person looking for attention that's why she go to club first place. 
Personally I believe in a healthy relationship you don't go to bar or club. 
Somewhere darkness get drunk stuff


----------



## jlg07

ConanHub said:


> She should turn more random guys down. I can't actually fathom a faithful wife being interested in idiots to dance with. A little less booze in these situations would prevent more bad situations developing. She probably should not accept with any man who isn't close to sober. This goes for her too. She needs to watch it if she wants the freedom to dance with others.
> 
> Men should also be respectful of your marriage and make certain that you BOTH are good with her dancing with them.
> 
> It sounds like just having a couple of firmer boundaries, a little more restraint and showing more of a united front will eliminate a lot of the opportunities for bad situations to develop.
> 
> Also, don't go to a dive. Make sure it is classy with professional bouncers.


My wife WILL NOT dance with anyone but me, or a few close relatives. This is HER boundary even more than mine. Of course I will dance with her any time she wants me to -- all night if that is the case -- we dance really well together. Even if I DIDN'T want to dance, I would with her.
Your wife shouldn't be so comfortable dancing with all these strangers IMO. You should also put yourself out there more to dance with her more, but she should also sit some out so that she isn't dancing so much and making you uncomfortable -- this is DOUBLY the case in a drinking/party atmosphere like you say you are going to be in.
You need to discuss this with her NOW before you go on that trip.


----------



## SpinyNorman

SpinyNorman said:


> Would your wife see through this? Mine would.





BigDaddyNY said:


> She would know exactly what I was doing and I'm okay with that. I have no problem knowing I will stand up for my marriage.


If something I do bugs my W I would prefer she discuss it w/ me and not just try to take control. Respect dictates I do the same for her.


----------



## DoctorManhattan

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are people who love to dance, and it's great exercise and a wonderful social outlet for them, and there's nothing wrong with it. But you shouldn't marry someone who is possessive and doesn't understand dance rules and either doesn't dance or won't share you with the room.


Share your wife? Like the town bicycle?
No thanks.
Your wife is yours and yours alone. Unless you're into swinging etc.
A wife is sacred, yours or someone else's..until they're not.


----------



## DoctorManhattan

Dancing at a wedding or family party w different relatives is one thing.
Dancing w random strangers in a bar or club? No thank you...a hand might slip. Or the mind. Or the tongue.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

DoctorManhattan said:


> Share your wife? Like the town bicycle?
> No thanks.
> Your wife is yours and yours alone. Unless you're into swinging etc.
> A wife is sacred, yours or someone else's..until they're not.


Wow. That's really nuts. So I guess she can't also go bicycling with other people either. She's your property and can't leave the house without you. Scary.


----------



## DoctorManhattan

DownByTheRiver said:


> Wow. That's really nuts. So I guess she can't also go bicycling with other people either. She's your property and can't leave the house without you. Scary.


She mustn't. She shan't. I run a tight ship 🙄


----------



## SpinyNorman

lifeistooshort said:


> But this kind of thing with men approaching women isn't limited to dancing. I see this all the time in my running and cycling clubs. As a woman you certainly need good boundaries, but I would also say that where the husbands or boyfriends make their presence known *it makes a ton of difference. * I've seen it firsthand....guy is trying to chat up a woman and her man comes over and chimes in. He doesn't usually have to be a jerk....just seeing him there will run off a lot of men with shady intentions. The ones who are just socializing will stick around and chat with the husband/bf.
> 
> Before I started dating my bf, who I met cycling, I was approached by a few different men that I felt were feeling out my interest. Once it became clear we were together and he's always there nobody else approached me beyond friendly greetings that they'd do in front of him. His presence is known.
> 
> So take Blondilocks' advice and make your presence known.


What difference do you feel it makes, vs. you just saying "No thanks."?


----------



## SpinyNorman

DownByTheRiver said:


> Wow. That's really nuts. So I guess she can't also go bicycling with other people either. She's your property and can't leave the house without you. Scary.


Yes, marriage is a dungeon you confine each other in. It's true that you forfeit your personhood, but the upside is you get to deprive the one you love of their personhood in turn. Glad you have come to see the light.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

DoctorManhattan said:


> She mustn't. She shan't. I run a tight ship 🙄


You run a prison.


----------



## DoctorManhattan

I do. I do! Lawd knows I do 😬


----------



## Mr.Married

This entire thing is really strange.

You bring her dancing and let her dance with other people.... then get mad when she does it.

Why go there in the first place?

Maybe you could smash your hand with a hammer and then get mad at the hammer because your hand hurts.


----------



## 346745

BobA said:


> Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other. It's not common that we go out anywhere more "club" like, but now and then will meet up with friends have some drinks and listen to music. However my wife likes to dance from time to time. Which increases after a few drinks. I personally usually don't much but will a little bit to make her happy. The issue, my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her. Which leads to some comments like "you are really pretty" etc. Luckily so far no one has ever been rude, and she will tell them that she is married if the guy is a bit too pushy. Now being older I have calmed down a lot since my younger years. I use to be pretty protective and confrontational with other guys. But now that I have matured I just keep an eye on her and don't let it get to me. _Although_ the last time it happened (a few months ago), even though the guy was being respectful, not touching her etc. I got a bit angry, I had been drinking and standing with my old high school buddies and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that old mentality.
> 
> This led me to straight out start burning and staring down the guy and one of my buddies calmed me down and went out and cut in so to speak.
> 
> So my question is how do you guys handle these situations? I don't want to tell my wife that she can't dance, and so far nothing "bad" has happened. But at the same time what if something does? Perhaps a guy gets touchy or a bit overzealous for instance. I only ask now because we are going on a trip next week and will be in somewhat of a drinking / party type atmosphere (out of country). So there will be nightlife. I just want to stay mature and be prepared for a level headed way to handle thi
> How do you guys handle these situations?


Are you taking her home? If you are, and she's not going home with someone else, let her dance all she wants. You can do the horizontal bop later with her.


----------



## SpinyNorman

Mr.Married said:


> You bring her dancing and let her dance with other people.... then get mad when she does it.
> 
> Why go there in the first place?
> 
> *Maybe you could smash your hand with a hammer* and then get mad at the hammer because your hand hurts.


If TS stops posting, it's your fault.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

SpinyNorman said:


> If something I do bugs my W I would prefer she discuss it w/ me and not just try to take control. Respect dictates I do the same for her.


I agree with this for the most part. However, I don't think it would be disrespectful for me to cut in to dance with my own wife. Do you? 

If it looked like she was being to friendly we would most definitely be having a discussion.


----------



## headbang

You should only worry about two things: 

Is my wife in danger? Then step up and protect her any way you can.

Is she responding to the flirt? Then ask her if she knows what is she doing. If she says 'yes' then you know. Dump her ass.

A woman who loves will not respond to the attention of strangers. If she does, there are more garden tools in the shed, you don't need that one.


----------



## BenWylder

BobA said:


> Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other. It's not common that we go out anywhere more "club" like, but now and then will meet up with friends have some drinks and listen to music. However my wife likes to dance from time to time. Which increases after a few drinks. I personally usually don't much but will a little bit to make her happy. The issue, my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her. Which leads to some comments like "you are really pretty" etc. Luckily so far no one has ever been rude, and she will tell them that she is married if the guy is a bit too pushy. Now being older I have calmed down a lot since my younger years. I use to be pretty protective and confrontational with other guys. But now that I have matured I just keep an eye on her and don't let it get to me. _Although_ the last time it happened (a few months ago), even though the guy was being respectful, not touching her etc. I got a bit angry, I had been drinking and standing with my old high school buddies and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that old mentality.
> 
> This led me to straight out start burning and staring down the guy and one of my buddies calmed me down and went out and cut in so to speak.
> 
> So my question is how do you guys handle these situations? I don't want to tell my wife that she can't dance, and so far nothing "bad" has happened. But at the same time what if something does? Perhaps a guy gets touchy or a bit overzealous for instance. I only ask now because we are going on a trip next week and will be in somewhat of a drinking / party type atmosphere (out of country). So there will be nightlife. I just want to stay mature and be prepared for a level headed way to handle things.
> 
> How do you guys handle these situations?


There may have been a point early on in our marriage that I would have been jealous but we've been married for 27 years, we have a great relationship and I'm confident that she can handle herself if the guy gets too hands on. I'm not much of a dancer and she enjoys it so, I would be cool with it. I suppose it all boils down to your confidence in yourself, her and your marriage. That's just my two cents.


----------



## SpinyNorman

BigDaddyNY said:


> I agree with this for the most part. However, I don't think it would be disrespectful for me to cut in to dance with my own wife. Do you?


Cutting in now and then, no. Every time, I think would be taking control.


> If it looked like she was being to friendly we would most definitely be having a discussion.


Same here.


----------



## heartsbeating

Jung_admirer said:


> Have a conversation with your wife and tell her very specifically what interactions you are uncomfortable with. Then tell her why you are uncomfortable and listen to her response.


Amen.

It's all part of the ongoing shaping of your dynamic together. Consistent micro-decisions that are (hopefully) figured out together. You each learn what's cool and not cool with your spouse as you go, and what one feels is reasonable or not... as no doubt being married a long time has taught you. My suggestion is to follow the above.


----------



## heartsbeating

BigDaddyNY said:


> I agree with this for the most part. However, I don't think it would be disrespectful for me to cut in to dance with my own wife. Do you?
> 
> If it looked like she was being to friendly we would most definitely be having a discussion.


Granted, unless the other guy isn't reading her signals that he's not welcome, then my world view is that it ought not be at the point where her husband determines the need to cut in. This is where part of listening to her response also comes into play. It's unclear to me whether she welcomes and engages dancing with others, or not. And I'm not talking more formal dance venues, more the nightclub scenario which it sounds like. Then how they each view that and where to from there.


----------



## SpinyNorman

heartsbeating said:


> Amen.
> 
> It's all part of the ongoing shaping of your dynamic together. Consistent micro-decisions that are (hopefully) figured out together. You each learn what's cool and not cool with your spouse as you go, and what one feels is reasonable or not... as no doubt being married a long time has taught you. My suggestion is to follow the above.


Some things you won't have foreseen and will have to figure out on the fly. Others there is no excuse for not having brought up ahead of time. Examples, 
1) you want an open marriage
2) insisting on a burkha for being in public


----------



## gaius

Cletus said:


> A wife, going to a club to dance with me in tow, expecting me to intervene every time someone thinks she's single and fair game to ask for a dance on the dance floor?
> 
> If that is the requirement for respect, then that woman is too high maintenance for me. Thanks, I'll pass.


Call it high maintenance if you want but I don't think there's many women out there who wouldn't lose a little respect for their man if he felt comfortable sitting on his butt and watching while some other guy puts time and energy into winning her affection. 

Maybe you think you're special Cletus. So special that you shouldn't have to get off your butt. A woman should just brush off all other men who come bearing time and energy while you sit there. But at the end of the day none of us are that special. Not me, not you. You might get a woman who will be loyal to you and won't let other men get anywhere. But it's always a competition on some level. She'll notice your apathy. It will take a toll in one way or another.


----------



## heartsbeating

gaius said:


> Call it high maintenance if you want but I don't think there's many women out there who wouldn't lose a little respect for their man if he felt comfortable sitting on his butt and watching while some other guy puts time and energy into winning her affection.
> 
> Maybe you think you're special Cletus. So special that you shouldn't have to get off your butt. A woman should just brush off all other men who come bearing time and energy while you sit there. But at the end of the day none of us are that special. Not me, not you. You might get a woman who will be loyal to you and won't let other men get anywhere. But it's always a competition on some level. She'll notice your apathy. It will take a toll in one way or another.


That's not how I interpreted Cletus' response. My take was more indicative that she is welcoming the attention - with 'someone thinks she's single and fair game'. And therefore he'd have no time / tolerance / energy for that. Rather than joining the proverbial 'dance' of intercepting. Correct me if I'm wrong @Cletus.


----------



## ccpowerslave

If I bring my wife to a place with dancing I am dancing with her. 

I don’t go to spots full of gang bangers or anything so if a complete stranger ever tried to make a move then they’re either:

1. Walking away.
2. Kicking my ass.
3. Getting their ass kicked.

No option 4 where I watch them dance and go gee that sucks.

I had one guy try to start a fight with me at Keith Urban (why?) because he didn’t like the pants I was wearing and once I took him up on it he suddenly didn’t want to anymore. Odd that. If I’ll fight over my pants then my wife 100%


----------



## karole

My husband would not handle it well; however, I would never do that to begin with


----------



## Luckylucky

I haven’t read most of the replies, but I see this: your wife is handling it very well. And that’s all you really need, a wife who speaks up and says ‘I’m married’. Yes, your wife is handling it very well, you lucky guy. 

I’ll tell you a secret. When husbands are not around wives get hit on. Some of us are little bees and sending them packing pretty quick. Sounds like you’ve got a wife who knows who to be a little bee to. And it’s not you. So let the lady enjoy her dancing and enjoy her. 

(Apologies if you’ve posted additional information, I didn’t read past the first post. 

Again, she’s handling it well, for both of you. You’re not young, don’t end up with broken bones. They don’t heal so well as we age.


----------



## manowar

the answer is quite simple. " You tell her "don't do that sh+t". You dont have to cut in and lay one on her. She should know when you say don't do s/t you mean it. 



BobA said:


> my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her.


those guys know you won't do anything. They see you as weak and accommodating. The guy who doesn't make waves. She'll dance all night and you'll sit there like a slub. 

I dated a girl once who liked to talk to people at clubs and get chatty with hostesses. I told her "don't do it. I don't like that crap. She said I wasn't sociable. We go to a club. She decides to chat with other people. (this was an unconscious test. women do this - of course, you are not aware of this) 

How did I respond? I fking left her there. True story. She called me up later that night meek as a mouse. What happened. I was looking all over for you. then I realized you left. I said -- I told you not to do that sh+t if you want to hang out with me. She never did it again.

You can not let women get away with their bs. You, nice guys, are really something. You never cease to amaze.



BobA said:


> 100% feel it's controlling to tell my wife no. She is an independant person who makes her own decisions. *Who am I to tell her what to do?*


Wow. This is flat out Nice-Guy talk. 

You're the slub who has been paying the fking bills since you won the prize. Your the guy who has been supporting her all these years. That doesn't matter? Lookup Beta Provider. That's your role - you just found out.

If she's as pretty as you say, just hope she doesn't dance with a guy that stirs her emotions. The thin tall tan handsome guy in the nice brooks brothers suit who lights her fire. He's flirting with her on the dance floor amigo. that fire is still there otherwise she wouldn't be out there dancing at the center of attention. Women Love ATTENTION. She won't tell you brother and will be thinking about that 'sexy' guy she danced with. Heck, you might become just the support guy (who is really nice) when she meets that dude that makes her wet. She is capable of way more than you can imagine.



jonty30 said:


> She's testing you to see if you'll protect her.


I agree with this. She's not even aware of it. But yes.


----------



## manwithnoname

DownByTheRiver said:


> FFS. People at dances DANCE with each other. They are allowed to change partners and dance with whomever. That is what dancing is about. It's perfectly normal to dance with multiple partners and cut in and all that. That's dancing rules. As long as some guy isn't humping your wife on the dance floor or nuzzling her neck or kissing her, he's not doing anything wrong. You, on the other hand, are embarrassing the crap out of your wife because it's clear you have no social acumen. *Even if a drunk does start humping your wife on the dance floor, you go up and say "May I cut in" and retrieve your wife, but then YOU have to dance with her. You can't just cut in and stop the dance without taking over.* You need to chill out.


So if he doesn't like dancing, and isn't willing to dance with his wife, he has to let the other guy continue humping her?

Ridiculous statement.

There are lines. Someone humping my wife on the dance floor is not going to get a polite "May I cut in"


----------



## D0nnivain

My father hated to dance but my mother loved it. They were at parties & places where there was dancing at least twice per month. My dad was happy to have people dance with mom so he didn't have to. My husband feels the same way. If I'm lucky I will get 1-2 slow dances out of him, maybe. 

Bear in mind, I'm talking about DANCING . . . not humping, not flirting, not mimicking a sex act on a dance floor, just dancing. If that is all your wife / GF is doing and she knows where to draw the line, continue to be gracious about it & let it roll off you. If the guy gets inappropriate & your wife can't shut it down on her own, back her up but don't get mad at her because some other person has poor boundaries. If you really can't stand to see her dance with her men, make sure every time she is on the dance floor you are too. If you can't or won't dance that much with her, it's not fair to tell her she can't dance. That would be too controlling. 

I had a BF once who told me I was disrespecting him by dancing with anybody other than him. I got a new BF is short order.


----------



## In Absentia

Another medieval thread...


----------



## Personal

Cletus said:


> When in this situation did she lose all agency?



What!!!… Wait… When we’re women ever allowed to have agency?


----------



## sideways

Your wife likes to dance. 

Who says she has to dance with someone when she's on the dance floor? My wife likes to dance as well (and is also very attractive and thus gets the gazes and the lurkers trying to hit on her).

She just turns her back to them (ignores them) and dances away. If they persist she walks off the dance area. 

You need to calm down and not get so worked up because if you let your temper get the best of you there's a chance you do something stupid and than you're behind bars with a record as well. NOT worth it!!

If she's attractive then you're use to seeing men stare at her and trying to hit on her. If your wife isn't doing what she needs to do to shut these guys down on the dance floor than that's a conversation you need to have with her. No reason she can't have fun dancing without having to dance with these lurkers. If she can't shut these guys down and ignore them well maybe you just don't take her dancing anymore.


----------



## sideways

Let me also say, I have no problem with my wife dancing without me, however her slow dancing with another guy? That $h!T won't fly with me!!


----------



## ElOtro

ConanHub said:


> .... I would make sure to dance ... more with her and maybe she could sit out a couple more to mark her territory next to you. ... to show more of a united front to outsiders.


This


----------



## ElOtro

Cletus said:


> When in this situation did she lose all agency?


Because some things are not only individual but in the domain of two that have the same attitude and common front as a couple about that kind of situations. If they don´t there is neither a worthy realtionship.
So, an intrinsic part of our agency is practiced by choosing compatibe partners rather than in the casuistics.



jonty30 said:


> Because, if he's pulling, she's already implied no.


Right.


----------



## ElOtro

DownByTheRiver said:


> They are allowed to change partners and dance with whomever.
> That is what dancing is about.


"They are allowed to change partners and dance with whomever. " If they wish to, right.
"That is what dancing is about." Not necessarily at all.


----------



## Tdbo

Marc878 said:


> I don’t dance with others and neither does my wife. It’s a mutual understanding and it’s no one else’s business.


This.
I can only answer this question, using my personal "Yardstick," Mrs. Tdbo.
Her answer: "I only dance with you."
Only exception that I could see would be family members.
Guess that's why we have been together almost thirty years.


----------



## drencrom

Mr.Married said:


> This entire thing is really strange.
> 
> You bring her dancing and let her dance with other people.... then get mad when she does it.
> 
> Why go there in the first place?
> 
> Maybe you could smash your hand with a hammer and then get mad at the hammer because your hand hurts.


Because women often dance amongst themselves, or maybe in this situation its guys they both know and aren't trying to, for example, dry hump them on the dancefloor.

I think his issue is with random guys they don't know coming up and trying to get with her.


----------



## drencrom

Longtime Hubby said:


> Are you taking her home? If you are, and she's not going home with someone else, let her dance all she wants. You can do the horizontal bop later with her.


Uh, depends. If its a guy he knows and knows he is just out there to dance, no problem.

If its a guy that they don't know, and boundaries are respected, like no touching, and especially no dry hump simulated sex on the dancefloor, different story.


----------



## drencrom

DownByTheRiver said:


> Even if a drunk does start humping your wife on the dance floor, you go up and say "May I cut in" and retrieve your wife, but then YOU have to dance with her. You can't just cut in and stop the dance without taking over. You need to chill out.


Wrong. If a guy and his wife are humping on the dancefloor and she does nothing about it, he shouldn't act all passive. Sends the wrong message to his wife for one thing. It says: "I might be able to get away with simulated sex on the dancefloor if my husband is this nice about it"

If he sees a guy humping his wife on the floor and she does nothing about it, he needs to go up and tell the guy that this is his wife and that he is crossing the line.


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## drencrom

@BobA something that would help clarify here is the nature of your wife's dancing with these guys. 

Are they touching each other? Are boundaries being respected? Dry humping on the floor?

If they are just dancing and keeping their distance, I'd let it go. Anything else and if your wife doesn't put a stop to it, she is disrespecting you.


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## Cletus

heartsbeating said:


> That's not how I interpreted Cletus' response. My take was more indicative that she is welcoming the attention - with 'someone thinks she's single and fair game'. And therefore he'd have no time / tolerance / energy for that. Rather than joining the proverbial 'dance' of intercepting. Correct me if I'm wrong @Cletus.


Two words. ****. Test.

"Honey, let's go dancing. I know you don't like to dance as much as me, so I don't expect you to be on the floor the whole night. But if any other guy comes up and tries to dance with me, could you be a dear and get off your fat ass to shoo the little insect away? If you don't, I won't respect you in the morning".

We all have to put time and energy into maintaining our relationships, but this for me is time and energy poorly spent. If my wife needs to know that I will protect her, that's great - I'll be the one to investigate the strange thump outside at night. Not so jazzed about protecting her from artificial threats of her own making.


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## ElOtro

drencrom said:


> If he sees a guy humping his wife on the floor and she does nothing about it, he needs to go up and tell the guy that this is his wife and that he is crossing the line.


"...*and she does nothing about it,* he needs to go up and tell the guy that this is his *soon to become Ex* wife"

Allow me to traduce it my way.


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## ConanHub

If a guy gets out of line with your wife while dancing, you could get his wife or girlfriend pregnant or his sister if he's single.

If he has an adult daughter, I would say at least in her twenties, getting her pregnant would put him in his place.😉😋


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## DownByTheRiver

drencrom said:


> Wrong. If a guy and his wife are humping on the dancefloor and she does nothing about it, he shouldn't act all passive. Sends the wrong message to his wife for one thing. It says: "I might be able to get away with simulated sex on the dancefloor if my husband is this nice about it"
> 
> If he sees a guy humping his wife on the floor and she does nothing about it, he needs to go up and tell the guy that this is his wife and that he is crossing the line.


She will do something about it. She'll step on his toes.


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## ElOtro

Longtime Hubby said:


> Are you taking her home? If you are, and she's not going home with someone else, let her dance all she wants. You can do the horizontal bop later with her.


If such dancing is of the kind that crosses a certain line and / or she allows it to happen with no strong visible / loud rejection, she may also spare me permanently to come home and to have any expectacy of getting ever horizontal with me.


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## ElOtro

DownByTheRiver said:


> She will do something about it. She'll step on his toes.


There are even less comfortable positions in the Kamasutra ....


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## heartsbeating

Luckylucky said:


> I’ll tell you a secret. When husbands are not around wives get hit on. Some of us are little bees and sending them packing pretty quick. Sounds like you’ve got a wife who knows who to be a little bee to. And it’s not you. So let the lady enjoy her dancing and enjoy her.


I'm thinking about starting a thread about this topic... as I chuckled reading this and don't want to thread-jack.

Anyway, another suggestion to OP is aside from potentially discussing with your wife before you head off on your trip, is noting that you'd been drinking and that sparked your reaction too whereby you felt that you wanted to fight. Any room for remaining un-buzzed while you're in the upcoming party scenarios?


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## manowar

Ole Bobby the OP is having a brush with female nature and he's confused. Wife gets a little horny after she gets a few drinks in her and bobby watches the action from the sidelines burning up. After all, why would he come here? Bobby doesn't understand that a lot of the wives lose attraction for their husbands. Then Bobby gets upset if the men aren't respectful. But Bobby don't want to interfere because -- hey it ain't his place. His place is reserved for paying and supporting and being there emotionally. Next time when you turn around bobby, some guy is going to be groping her azz and you're going to think your seeing things.




BobA said:


> I had been drinking and standing with *my old high school buddies *and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that *old mentality*.


Sure it did. It triggered that masculinity -- those old feelings when you weren't such a fking nice guy. You guys are old school baby boomer blue pillers. Been socially conditioned for decades. 

Bobby -- first of all you have been socially conditioned to think the way you do. Read this book amigo and get back to me. *Ester Villar, The Manipulated Male. * Download it online. Written by a woman telling it like it is compadre. Hope to hear from you on it. The second book for you -- *Female psychology for the practical man -- joe south.* Learn something while your are here. Put it to use. Try your best to unplug brother..... But don't keep doing what your doing.

Bob this is what you don't get. The old you was the masculine you. See marriage weakens men. Wives have a way of making the man conform to what she wants. A lot of guys just go along with it and before you know you are suffering from nice guy syndrome. Yes... the masculinity is sucked out of you because you're just trying to get along. But guess what... the woman doesn't like it. She even resents it. In fact, it's why a lot of women lose attraction and cheat on their husbands.


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## DLC

BobA said:


> I don't want to tell my wife that she can't dance


first I will change this.

what do you mean you don’t want to tell your wife to stop it.It’s obviously bothering you but you got so beaten in submission that you cant tell her to stop dancing with other guys.

there are clubs for “dancing” dancing, and there are clubs for hooking up. Let me give you a picture. Your wife thinks it’s ok to dance with other men after a few drinks at the club. One day you are busy, she goes to the club by herself or with her friends, after a few drinks she started dancing with other men, her friend left, and she continues, more dancing, more drinks, less boundary. Remember, some men are there for hook ups, not just a dance.

anyway , you get picture. You need to stop letting her think you are fine with it. She still has a choice of weather she will continue or not. But at least you made it clear you are not cool with it.

btw, maybe you can take some dance lessons.


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## Divinely Favored

BobA said:


> I 100% feel it's controlling to tell my wife no. She is an independant person who makes her own decisions. Who am I to tell her what to do? Going dancing isn't a common thing for us either, it's just my upcoming situation we will be without friends. And I know she wants to dance, I will try my best but it's hard for me to just keep it up. At least long enough to assert dominance... lol, which is pretty much what someone else said. You are right though, those emotions and such are on ME. My main question was how do others handle other guys crossing certain boundaries. Obviously I am not in HS and can't go out and start some jealousy fueled fight. So I need to figure out how to help these situations in the best manner if things get a bit much.


Simple...my wife would not be on the floor with another guy that is not a friend/family member. We feel that is not appropriate for married spouses. Same that i would not dance with all the hotties i used to dance with. 

Control had nothing to do with it. You can only control your response. Get off your duff and get your groove on.

My dad never took a date to a dance...he danced with all the other guys girls that were out back drinking or shooting pool and not dancing with their gals.


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## jonty30

Divinely Favored said:


> Simple...my wife would not be on the floor with another guy that is not a friend/family member. We feel that is not appropriate for married spouses. Same that i would not dance with all the hotties i used to dance with.
> 
> Control had nothing to do with it. You can only control your response. Get off your duff and get your groove on.
> 
> My dad never took a date to a dance...he danced with all the other guys girls that were out back drinking or shooting pool and not dancing with their gals.


I think learning how to dance is a great date night idea.


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## Divinely Favored

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are people who love to dance, and it's great exercise and a wonderful social outlet for them, and there's nothing wrong with it. But you shouldn't marry someone who is possessive and doesn't understand dance rules and either doesn't dance or won't share you with the room.


Were not talking square dance here.....

I could hear a cheater wanting open marriage say the same above about there sex life. My husband is possessive and not willing to share me with the room....he is such a drag. Its great exercise and wonderful social outlet...there is nothing wrong with it.


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## thunderchad

Mate guarding isn't attractive. What would happen if you started dancing with some pretty, younger women while she was dancing with those dudes?


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## plastow

BobA said:


> Story; my wife and I have been married a really long time (and older). We are in a healthy and happy relationship and fully trust each other. It's not common that we go out anywhere more "club" like, but now and then will meet up with friends have some drinks and listen to music. However my wife likes to dance from time to time. Which increases after a few drinks. I personally usually don't much but will a little bit to make her happy. The issue, my wife is extremely attractive and grabs the attention of other men when she is out on the dance floor. This causes some guys to "lurk" and eventually approach her. Which leads to some comments like "you are really pretty" etc. Luckily so far no one has ever been rude, and she will tell them that she is married if the guy is a bit too pushy. Now being older I have calmed down a lot since my younger years. I use to be pretty protective and confrontational with other guys. But now that I have matured I just keep an eye on her and don't let it get to me. _Although_ the last time it happened (a few months ago), even though the guy was being respectful, not touching her etc. I got a bit angry, I had been drinking and standing with my old high school buddies and it triggered something. I have a feeling it dragged me right back into that old mentality.
> 
> This led me to straight out start burning and staring down the guy and one of my buddies calmed me down and went out and cut in so to speak.
> 
> So my question is how do you guys handle these situations? I don't want to tell my wife that she can't dance, and so far nothing "bad" has happened. But at the same time what if something does? Perhaps a guy gets touchy or a bit overzealous for instance. I only ask now because we are going on a trip next week and will be in somewhat of a drinking / party type atmosphere (out of country). So there will be nightlife. I just want to stay mature and be prepared for a level headed way to handle things.
> 
> How do you guys handle these situations?


i think if mit mwere just one dance i would not worry but i would keep an eye on them anyway but if it became more than one dance i would indeed step in as its obvious then either he or she is into the other person


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## plastow

ConanHub said:


> And, going to a place with a good cooler or three helps keep everything nice.
> 
> Most people avoid confrontation with me and I have never had anyone misbehave with my Mrs. when I'm around but I'm built and I've been in real fights since childhood.
> 
> It pays to use your head regardless and avoid dumb situations.


but if your not on the dance floor how are they supposed to know you are her husband until she or you tell them .you cant blame the guys for trying thats life.


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## Diceplayer

I don't have a problem with my wife dancing with other men. We have been to events where we have both openly danced with others and it's never been a problem. However, the last time I asked my wife to dance, she turned me down, saying she just preferred to listen to the music. If someone else had then asked her to dance and she accepted, then I would have a problem. Not with him, but with her.


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## ConanHub

plastow said:


> but if your not on the dance floor how are they supposed to know you are her husband until she or you tell them .you cant blame the guys for trying thats life.


Everyone knows my territory when I walk in with Mrs. Conan and no one could mistake her not being with me as our time in any place continues.

I don't mind it if someone flirts or makes a pass at my wife if I'm not anywhere near her. It happens.

I mind if they don't respect her boundaries once they know she isn't available.

We've never had any real problems.


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## ConanHub

plastow said:


> but if your not on the dance floor how are they supposed to know you are her husband until she or you tell them .you cant blame the guys for trying thats life.


Looking back at the OP, his wife probably acts a bit differently than mine and I'm not jealous so a guy would really have to be an idiot and misbehave with us.


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## RandomDude

Clubbing is a singles scene. I also haven't really danced since quitting alcohol.



ConanHub said:


> We've never had any real problems.


That's because everyone knows that hulk smash!


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## drencrom

Diceplayer said:


> I don't have a problem with my wife dancing with other men.


Dancing with other men knowing it is just friendly, nothing more, is no big deal.

It's HOW they dance that can be an issue.


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## heartsbeating

Many many ...many ... moons ago before I'd met Batman, I remember dancing on top of one of the club 'platforms' when a guy came up and joined me. We were dancing together, not too provocatively but yeah, close. After a short time, his girlfriend [insert stylus sliding across vinyl] was up in my face with her two friends either side threatening to beat me up/fight me. She was ready to rumble. The boyfriend had jumped down. I kept my cool, never been in a physical fight, suggested she figure it out with her boyfriend and back away from me. She did back down, I continued dancing, vaguely remember seeing them leaving the club together looking like they were done/he was about to hear it. Anyway, memory lane stuff.


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## heartsbeating

Ahh nightclub days... Batman and I had arranged to meet casually at a club. We'd only briefly met before, yet had been speaking over the phone. It wasn't a date, no set time. I'd arrived with some friends, one of whom was a gay male. At the club, Batman and I were getting tingly for one another, briefly parted to get drinks or something, and I ended up walking across the club holding hands with my gay friend and essentially expressing that I was digging on Batman. Next thing I knew, Batman was nowhere to be seen. I learned he'd seen me hand-in-hand with my friend (and hadn't met yet), and bounced to the club next door. I can still recall the feeling I had when hurrying across to the other club to find him. He told me he didn't play like that. As has been mentioned in this thread, from his perspective he wasn't about to do the 'pick me' dance. I explained that my friend was gay, and indicated my interest in Batman. We went back to the original club and kissed each others faces off.

Although, precursor to that night was after making the arrangement to see Batman at the club, a guy I previously dated had called unexpectedly and invited me on a date, yes a date proper, elsewhere later that night. Midnight, to be precise; which wasn't out of the ordinary back then as he worked late shifts. My intention was to be there. Needless to say, I stood him up. And no cell phone to say I wouldn't be there. I also didn't call to apologize afterwards. Yeah, it was bad form and inconsiderate. I didn't make it to that date as I was distracted by, and enjoying, Batman's company too much and perhaps in hindsight at the back of my mind was that I didn't want to blow it with him. Even though we weren't even dating at that stage. Batman didn't know any of this at the time. Next day, he invited me out on a lunch date that continued past that and well into the evening. Whew, 27 years ago.

To bring it more on topic, if you're going to a club, dance with your spouse, or at the very least know what you're both cool with and follow through with actions.


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## drencrom

heartsbeating said:


> Many many ...many ... moons ago before I'd met Batman, I remember dancing on top of one of the club 'platforms' when a guy came up and joined me. We were dancing together, not too provocatively but yeah, close. After a short time, his girlfriend [insert stylus sliding across vinyl] was up in my face with her two friends either side threatening to beat me up/fight me.


That's what I always found odd. That they didn't realize that you didn't have any idea if he was taken or not, and HE came up to you. Why didn't she want to beat the crap out of her boyfriend instead.

My x-wife would be on the dancefloor, some guy came up to her, started grinding, and she didn't back him off.

I walked up to them knowing this guy had no clue she was "taken" and why would he when she is out there dancing like she is single? So when I walked up, I started in on HER, not him. He realized she was married(even though he could have looed at her left hand) and backed away.

I wasn't mad at him. I was pissed at her.


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