# How to wait in limbo



## Sefern8 (Feb 10, 2018)

I am not here to just complain about my partner or get sympathy. I’m in a bad marriage that is literally driving me crazy and making me depressed. I am talking to a therapist, but I cannot actually bring up divorce or get divorced until I get a job and get my affairs in order (no affairs though, I don’t even know many others of the opposite sex anymore). 

I feel trapped, isolated and controlled, like I’m being suffocated. The more unhappy I am or the more I try to do on my own, the more he clings and controls. He has no friends anymore and told me he doesn’t want to go anywhere without me. 

When I try to talk about things, we only fight and they get worse. I try to focus on myself, but when he is not at work, he is moping at home. I try to be positive or focus on finding a job, but it’s getting so hard. He stands over my shoulder sometimes when I’m on the computer. We snap at each other. I have no one nearby, only a few friends that I don’t see often because they are busy with life and friends. 

The more I ask for space or breathing room, the more we fight, the more he’s negative, rude, critical and judgement. I get scared and just try to avoid him, which is hard to do in a small apartment. I stopped trying to communicate. I don’t know if it’s in my head or I’m just blaming him and it’s getting worse, and I don’t have anyone to give me any perspective. 

Am I crazy? Maybe I’m stuck in a negative loop and making it worse/feeling like it’s worse than it is. What do I do until I can find a job and have a way out of the marriage?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why did you marry him?
We're you ever happy?

If you were happy once, and he loves you, you could be happy again. Most likely you're both getting in the way of being happy.


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## Sefern8 (Feb 10, 2018)

I believed opposites attract, and I was generally happy. I was never madly in love, but I thought we had fun together. Now the fun is gone and we have nothing in common. He keeps asking me what will make me happy, since I’m never happy (according to him) but I don’t have the courage to tell him I am not happy being with him.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It sounds to me like you may be your own problem.

What is HE doing that makes you unhappy?
Or, are you just choosing to be unhappy?

You haven't provided enough info to really help you. If you don't love him anymore, just divorce him. If you'd u don't love him still, it will likely never come back.

However, you say you never felt madly in love with him, yet married him anyway. Now that you're not "having fun", you've decided to take your toys and run. Do you realize you have acted poorly, marrying a man you were never madly in love with?
Or are you rewriting history?

Have you had any affairs of any kind lately?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Marriage counselling may well help you get back on track.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Sefern8 said:


> I believed opposites attract, and I was generally happy. I was never madly in love, but I thought we had fun together. Now the fun is gone and we have nothing in common. He keeps asking me what will make me happy, since I’m never happy (according to him) but I don’t have the courage to tell him I am not happy being with him.


Why did you marry him?


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## Sefern8 (Feb 10, 2018)

I didn’t take any toys and run, and no, no affairs. I loved him, but I’m not sure if Iwascever in love. I thought I was, but I just thought it was the more stable, boring love compared to other relationships where I loved passionately and it didn’t work out. 

We have been married for 4 years. Together for 10. His sister thinks he doesn’t treat me well, and I think he’s just scared of being alone. I can’t leave without a job. I don’t want any of his money or anything from the divorce, I just want to support myself. He has isolated me from friends and family. I just want my life back.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

How has he isolated you?

Either way, you sound totally done. Yes, get a job and move on. He will be in a lot of pain for a long time, but it will be better for you both in the long run.

Boring kind of love? Lol, no such thing.

Marriage with no passionate love? Not smart.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Does he work?

Yes.

So you have the time he is at work to do what you choose to do. Yes?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sefern8 said:


> I just want to support myself. He has isolated me from friends and family. I just want my life back.


Your path ahead is clear: get a job, make a plan, and get out.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

It appears to me as though you did not think this through prior to marrying him..........You created the predicament you are in.......Now you must deal with the consequences........Happens all the time........


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is employment advice and not relationship advice. 

When you are unemployed, your fulltime job is to find a job. 

Treat job searching as you would working fulltime. Get a good night's sleep, have your clothes laid out and ready for the next day, set the alarm, get up, get dressed and ready, grab a bite to eat and spend 8-12 solid hours putting in your effort with just a lunch break and a couple smoke breaks in between. 

Work as hard at finding a job as you would on a job and you will soon have a job.


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