# Is he trying to hurt me or just being stupid?



## Tiredofthedrama (Jun 6, 2010)

My husband and I separated about six weeks ago and he moved out into his own flat.

When he left we agreed to not go too public with our split as it may unduely affect a court case i'm currently involved in that will be sorted out within the next month. We also agreed to continue sharing our finances until 30 June to give us time to sort out our financial entanglements, and we agreed on a property settlement.

Within the last week he's tried to backtrack on all these agreements. First off he basically accused me of trying to swindle him out of money because he felt like he was earning all the money and I was spending it all. I sent him a spreadsheet that showed him I'd actually made more money and spent nearly half what he had and he ended up in tears saying that he felt like an idiot and he was sorry for screaming at me and that he knew deep down I would never steal from him.

A couple of days later he called me to say he felt like I was getting all the good furniture and he was getting swindled on that front. Most of the furniture and whitegoods we had in our home I had bought prior to us even meeting, so I have taken the majority of those items. He came into the relationship with nothing, I had a fully furnished house. The rest I have split down the middle and in fact have given him extra to make up for the fact that he didn't get to take much. He, like a typical man, wanted the expensive toys like the surround sound system, the computers and the good tv. I wanted the practical things like the couch and the bed and now that he's in a house with great electronics but nothing comfortable to sit on I think he feels jealous. Once again I explained to him that he came into the relationship with nothing and was leaving with quite a bit, I broke down the dollar amounts and again he aplogised for being such an idiot and for making me feel so disrespected by screaming at me for being a thief.

Last night he sent me a message asking if I would mind if he changed his facebook status to single. I was furious as I felt a) that he was putting my case in jeopardy as now all and sundry would know about our split and b) that he was sending me a clear signal that he was actively looking for someone new.

I sent him a message saying that he could go for it, well not in so nice a words. I told him he could sleep with who he liked, screw up my court case, spend all our money and take all the furniture if he wanted. That every day it was a new thing that he was coming up with to hurt and upset me and I was sick of him going back on everything he'd agreed to. I told him I just wanted him to leave me alone. I also told him that I was hurt that he could move on so quickly as I needed time to sort out my feelings about the relationship.

A couple of minutes later he called to say that he hadn't meant to upset me, that it was really awkward for him to have to ask if he could change his status and that he wasn't interested in anyone, he just wanted to go out and see if anyone was interested in him.

Now after such a long winded story my question is, can he really be that stupid, to think that telling his wife, that he recently separated from, that he wants to see if there's anyone else out there who'll be interested in him would not be hurtful? Or do you think he was actually trying to hurt me?

I feel so disappointed in myself that I got so upset with him and let him know that it hurt me. I feel like i've given him a lot of power. In the end I told him that it really isn't any of my business who he dates, that our relationship is over and i'm happy with how things are. I explained that i'd had an emotional reaction because I mourned the relationship we had for the first few years, not the one we had in the end. But I feel like he still gets to walk away feeling like I want him back


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

How old is he? It sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. My estranged husband turned 40 and all hell broke loose on the bizarre behavior front. Apparently, something snapped psychologically. It is almost like euphoria for him when young women "want" him. Talk about inflating an ego! Perhaps that's what you husband is aiming for:scratchhead:


----------



## Tiredofthedrama (Jun 6, 2010)

He's only 28. Although I think the need to have their ego stroked is common amongst men.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

He is too young for a mid-life crisis. It still sounds like a psychological problem though. When my estranged husband started doing all of his bizarre stuff, I was the one who ended up in counseling. The spouse told numerous people I was crazy and pretty darn near convinced me too. I'm glad I did go to counseling though--I learned I was the sane one and the therapist and I became friends. She also help me to analyze what was going on with the spouse and how to cope with it. That might be an idea for you as well--if his behavior is annoying you a little too much.


----------

