# One of the hardest days of my life...



## Picking up the pieces

Thanks for reading. 

Up until now I've posted in "Coping with Infidelity". I can't figure out how to paste my links here, but they wouldn't help much anyway to tell the whole story. They're mostly just about my feelings about being cheated on and in the process of being left....although now it's back to "I don't know", "it's not decided". 

Right now I want more than anything in the whole world to drink. I met my husband 10 years ago. I wasn't a drinker then. He's an alcoholic. In the middle of our years together I started drinking. I got very bad. Pretty much life threatening bad. I stopped all by myself. No help, no nothing. Just stopped because I knew if I didn't I would die. It really was that bad. I quit in October of 2010. 

A year ago next month I found out about his cheating and exactly how bad the betrayal was. I stayed sober by a miracle until a couple weeks ago when our reconciliation was derailed.... I drank twice since then. I want to drink so bad now I almost can't stop myself. So far I'm stopping myself. I know that I have things to live for. I have a lot to live for actually. I know that to start drinking again means at best sickness and loss of what little I have left and at worst, death. But I want the pain to stop. Not sure why I'm posting. Sort of just throwing this out there. I know it's up to me. I know that there are others out there in the same boat. But I just don't know if I'll choose to love myself and care for myself. Or to help other people destroy me. Because at the moment, I feel decimated. And I see no way out. Even though I know there's a way out. I just can't see it. Maybe because it's hard to see through tears. I don't know. 

Anyway, thanks for reading.


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## LovetheDaisy

Hang in there and seek some help. Someone to support you through this, someone you can talk to, therapy! You have so many choices, please don't let him take all of your hardwork away from you. Godspeed, my friend.


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## Jemm

Today just don't drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Hugs and prayers to u. I quit drinking 73 days ago, its hard. I hope its ok I post this Im a member of sober recovery, it's helpful check it out. Nothing will change if u drink. It won't make the hurt go away only postpone it. Stay strong
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Picking up the pieces

Thanks Daisy and Jemm. ... I did not drink. It was hard, but I didn't. I know I can do it. It's just hard. Thank you for the support. I appreciate it.


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## Decorum

No words-but I feel for you, treat yourself well, you are more worthy than you believe!


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## Skyye

I know you always hear "seek help" go "talk to someone", seriously tho, find a good psychologist you would be surprised how you can leave the session beaming, feeling renewed, hope and so on.

It really works if you find the right Doctor.

Good luck and congrats on resisting the urge!


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## appletree

Yes to the above. You must be very very strong that you quit all by yourself! Keep being strong and treat your partner with the same strength. Go out and meet some other people who are more worthwhile meeting!


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## Chris Taylor

Keep strong. Is there someone you can confide it? Anyone from a therapist to a friend, someone who you have to "report" that you still haven't drank?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hmmm, I see the desire to drink as a desire to get yourself some rest away from the situation. You know, there are legitimate Rx you can take that is non-addicting and non-destructive to get yourself some rest. There are lots of things that are too difficult to handle all at once. Infidelity ranks very high, cut yourself some slack, don't drink of course but also don't deny yourself other avenues to relief while you restore your being to deal with life a day at a time. That is, don't resort to all or nothing thinking about your situation.


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## PFTGuy

As others have said, just take it one day at a time, don't do it. Have you tried going to an AA meeting? If not, I encourage you to do so. It helps so much to know that you are not alone, and to feel the support of other people in a place where you feel safe, accepted, and understood.

You are not alone, there is hope.


Picking up the pieces said:


> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Up until now I've posted in "Coping with Infidelity". I can't figure out how to paste my links here, but they wouldn't help much anyway to tell the whole story. They're mostly just about my feelings about being cheated on and in the process of being left....although now it's back to "I don't know", "it's not decided".
> 
> Right now I want more than anything in the whole world to drink. I met my husband 10 years ago. I wasn't a drinker then. He's an alcoholic. In the middle of our years together I started drinking. I got very bad. Pretty much life threatening bad. I stopped all by myself. No help, no nothing. Just stopped because I knew if I didn't I would die. It really was that bad. I quit in October of 2010.
> 
> A year ago next month I found out about his cheating and exactly how bad the betrayal was. I stayed sober by a miracle until a couple weeks ago when our reconciliation was derailed.... I drank twice since then. I want to drink so bad now I almost can't stop myself. So far I'm stopping myself. I know that I have things to live for. I have a lot to live for actually. I know that to start drinking again means at best sickness and loss of what little I have left and at worst, death. But I want the pain to stop. Not sure why I'm posting. Sort of just throwing this out there. I know it's up to me. I know that there are others out there in the same boat. But I just don't know if I'll choose to love myself and care for myself. Or to help other people destroy me. Because at the moment, I feel decimated. And I see no way out. Even though I know there's a way out. I just can't see it. Maybe because it's hard to see through tears. I don't know.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading.


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## Michael A. Brown

I do know what you feel. Being cheated with your partner really hurts. If you really want to overcome it, talk with your partner and solve this problem.


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## tonynw

went thru something simular. 
pick yourself up, put the drink down and move on. i know its hard but do it girl


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