# I Need Help Please



## iwin (Jul 4, 2011)

*Help Me Save My Marriage*

Here is my situation. I am 30 and my husband is 25 years my senior. Yes I am somebody with "Daddy Issues". We have been married for 5 years. I love him and I think he loves me too. But as time goes by the situation gets worse between us. He says I don't show him that he is loved and adored like I used to. For me I feel like I don't have any love to give away. I try to do my marital duty. I have sex with him even if I don't want to and don't feel like it. But for him it is not enough since I don't go the extra mile. 
He criticize me a lot and I am not good at taking criticism from him. I think I have some depression issues. I have gone through PTSD therapy before. At 30 I have no stable job and I am going back to school to build my life. I have no children which makes me feel even more like a loser but I know that I don't have the time nor the money to have any right now. He has one child who is about 8 years younger than me and he holds her on a pedestal which is not my business anyway but I feel like he has had that first birthday and first hair cut and first day at school and doesn't really care to have another child. He feels I shut him down since I don't tell him everything I do day in and day out. I feel controlled since he question any charges he sees on our bank account, he digs in my purse while I am asleep and he goes snooping my emails and searches my closet when he can then accuses me of hiding things or stashing money away to leave or whatever, he monitors my phone log, (Just so you know I have never cheated on him nor will ever do so. I am a pious woman who is proud of her chastity). I know that I am not the way I was when I first got married. I was happier and had a heart big enough to take the world. Now I don't. I feel sad and angry at myself for being where I am at in life. I need help and advise on how to make him feel better. I don't want to hurt him. But I simply don't have energy nor love in me to give away. Most of my days I feel apathy towards everything. I just want to go to school, do homework, go to work, forget about my life and then come home and go to sleep. He thinks these are signs that I want him out of my life. Please help


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

You may be dealing with some depression issues, but there are also a lot of things happening in your life right now. It sounds like your motherhood instincts are screaming out to you, but you aren't able to deal with those right now and your husband is not interested in children. Just wondering, how many times has your husband been married?
(Also, this might get a greater response if it is posted in the General Relationships section of this forum).


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## Lorraine M (Apr 26, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> You may be dealing with some depression issues, but there are also a lot of things happening in your life right now. It sounds like your motherhood instincts are screaming out to you, but you aren't able to deal with those right now and your husband is not interested in children. Just wondering, how many times has your husband been married?
> (Also, this might get a greater response if it is posted in the General Relationships section of this forum).


I'm not a marriage counselor but I've got to say...the writing is on the wall, he might have depression as so many traits are similar to what happened to my hsuband but there are obvious control issues, and it may have started with his attraction to such a younger woman. It's often easier to control someone who is vulnerable (younger, unemployed) than someone who is older/closer to his age and used to calling the shots and won't take what he has to dish. Was he like this at all, in the dating and early marriage part of the relationshi? Look at it objectively and really think about it. 

How many times has he been married. Do you know who to? Can they be contacted? That might be more of what he is afraid of, do you see the mother of his child and can you talk to her? 

You are still young, being unemployed at 30 in this economy is more the norm. I would really evaluate this relationship, seek counseling, with or without him, perhaps move out for a period of time, change your email passwords and again, re-evaluate this before you even think of having a child with this man. I'm not one to advocate divorce but if it's this bad already, you do not want to be tied to him with a child. Get to a counselor.


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