# Help-Sorry



## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

We've been in R for H's EA from 2 years ago...his b day is Thursday I gave him presents we watched fireworks ..everything was fine..then i thought he got tipsy.h was .mean to me about our cat being scared about fireworks, etc...he got super mad and said he was going to d b/c i wouldn't give him the phone password. I don't have his email or bank passwords...HE LIED to me...I give up. sorry for drama...he's on the bike trail now refusing my calls..i don't have energy for this...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Mrs1980 said:


> We've been in R for H's EA from 2 years ago...his b day is Thursday I gave him presents we watched fireworks ..everything was fine..then i thought he got tipsy.h was .mean to me about our cat being scared about fireworks, etc...he got super mad and said he was going to d b/c i wouldn't give him the phone password. I don't have his email or bank passwords...HE LIED to me...I give up. sorry for drama...he's on the bike trail now refusing my calls..i don't have energy for this...


Mrs1980,

I've had to go through your posts, and from what I can gather, your WH had an affair with the office skank, he referred to her as his work wife. And then from the bits and pieces you've posted over the last year and a half, it appears that he's not remorseful at all, keeps telling you to get over it already (rug sweeping), etc.


Has he ever sent the NC letter?
Does he still work with the OW?
Is he transparent?
How did you find out about the affair?
What investigating have you done?
Are you monitoring to ensure NC?

Because it looks like you've never really been in True R at all, in fact, it actually seems you've been in limbo all this time. If OW still works with him, then he's never really gone NC either, and the affair may actually still be on.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

Sorry, I'm crying now. You're right. Now he is demanding I be less controlling. She just transferred depts..my life is a mess. i give up


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He's not in any position to demand a damn thing. She only transferred to a different department? Then the affair could have been going on all this time. He claims he doesn't want you controlling him? Then he can be a single man if that's his attitude. 

Kick him to the curb. You deserve better than an unremorseful cheater.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I am so sorry you're dealing with this...it's not fair of him to put you through this at all.

But I agree, he is not remorseful.

So sorry.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Did you have a big argument and it all blew up?

Take time for yourself. 

Hope your cat is OK after the fireworks.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

I've tried to have this chain of armor on me in the last couple years but I can't pretend anymore...go ahead kick me b/c I am down :rofl:

He just texted me that I am a crazy untrusting person just like my father....

I try to explain to him how much the lies hurt..he said he doesn't understand


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

He just picture mailed me the stoop he was going to sleep on in the bike trail which is not lighted. 

I don't want to be responsible for any hurt he has as much as I am hurt


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Mrs1980 said:


> I try to explain to him how much the lies hurt..he said he doesn't understand


What he doesn't understand is why his BS just stopped working. Nuke 'em.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

So sorry you're going thru this. It's no wonder you haven't even begun to heal...he never made any effort at all to help you heal. Lawyer up now. Time to file.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

i told him I would file on thurs which is his b-day  I have laywers for clients so it would be easy


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When did you tell him that you will file?Today?


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

is it bad if I go pick him up? I don't want to minimize anything but I dont want him to hurt himself


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mrs1980 said:


> is it bad if I go pick him up? I don't want to minimize anything but I dont want him to hurt himself


No, it would not be bad.

He is clearly an idiot. 

The one thing he did right was in choosing you. The rest? Nah... not so sensible of him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mrs1980 said:


> is it bad if I go pick him up? I don't want to minimize anything but I dont want him to hurt himself


No it's not bad if you pick him up.

But I would advise against it. He's playing a game with you. The game is "Look what you made me do!"

He's a big boy. I doubt he's putting himself in danger. He has to find a way to get your attention. And this is it. As long as you keep playing his you will get more games.

If he wants to sleep there tonight, it's his choice. Most likely as soon as he realizes that you are not oging to rush out like mommy and rescue him he'll peddle back home.

The purpose of "look what you made me do" is to get the focus off his wrong which you are legitimately unhappy about and onto shifting blame to you.

Don't play the game.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> No it's not bad if you pick him up.
> 
> But I would advise against it. He's playing a game with you. The game is "Look what you made me do!"
> 
> ...


:iagree:

This is just manipulation, plain and simple. It's very childish. Is he 12 years old or something?


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> This is just manipulation, plain and simple. It's very childish. Is he 12 years old or something?


Since the EA my h has behaved very immaturely. I picked him up now he's in bed and Im on the couch..he's all for d on thurs..i doubt either will go through.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Make sure to keep a night light on and his bottle handy..... 

This guy knows no bounds.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So why are you on the couch?


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

he was going to run away if I asked anymore ??s

My life is ****


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's acting like a child.

You will do well to see and attorney and file. Your life will get a lot better without this drama.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

what does everyone think about me just leaving for a while? My Bro lives in Arizona (im in midwest) but I just need time by myself(hes always here if hes not working) My bro thinks separations are pointless but I was thinking more time to myself to think


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What thinking do you need to do? Are you thinking of staying in this marriage?

Do you have job outside the home?


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What thinking do you need to do? Are you thinking of staying in this marriage?
> 
> Do you have job outside the home?


yes 2 actually about 70 hours a week so I do have some responsibility for our issues... he cant communicate worth **** but we've been together for 12 years married for 8


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well... do you think that going off to think will change anything for you?


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Well... do you think that going off to think will change anything for you?


Maybe.....I'm in a stress stew that just gets worse..its like a ride i can't get off but the phone thing threw me for a loop..i've had the password for like 18 months now-why freak now? I checked everything and its clean,,,


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. Your H reminded me of mine when he was still In his A. He called me controlling and made me feel sorry for him. I thought I was going crazy, but of course by gut instincts turned out to be correct, the A was ongoing.

It wasn't until I spoke to my IC that I realised my H was Playing the victim (like yours) and I continued to rescue him because I was so afraid of my future without him.
So it's time to be strong honey. You've put up with enough crap.
Go and visit your brother if that's what you want to do. But while you are there let your H go. Step away from his drama and bull**** and 180 his behind. It's time for YOU to be selfish. Time to think about what you really want and need. You can't rely on him for your happiness. This was an awakening for me. I let him go, told him I didn't want to be part of the drama anymore, I stopped rescuing him! Whatever the outcome it will be better than the limbo you are in now.
You deserve more
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Mrs1980 said:


> Maybe.....I'm in a stress stew that just gets worse..its like a ride i can't get off but the phone thing threw me for a loop..i've had the password for like 18 months now-why freak now? I checked everything and its clean,,,


Yes you can get off! You can choose not to be Part of his merry go round
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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