# Moving forums from Coping to going through divorce



## jelly_bean (Sep 23, 2014)

I have moved from the Coping with Infidelity board as my STBXH coping technique was to blame me for everything. My STBXH says he wants me back but his actions show otherwise. Short story, he had an EA with an employee of our business that he still works with everyday. He swears it is over but he still texts her (no sexual) but flirty texts. So I moved out on December 1 for a trial separation. Well here I am 6 weeks later now going for full divorce. The only thing I can not understand is why am I so sad? He was a horrible husband, in every way. And I am shocked I have feelings of jealously. Is this normal? I would like some advice on how long some of you felt this horrible emptiness for? And any advice to get out of it.


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Of course you will have feelings...divorce is painful and emotional even when it is necessary, and the best thing for you. You may continue to have feelings of jealousy and sadness for a while, but eventually, if you make an attempt to move on with your own single life, you will begin to wonder how you let such a man cause you such pain and humiliation.

If he is still working and "flirting" with this woman...he is not in any way being faithful to a marriage. You should be furious, and probably are. Your feelings of jealousy, while normal, are probably partly out of anger. 

In any case...be prepared for all kinds of feelings. Of course you were happy and in love at one time so it is normal to be sad. In the long run, you will be so much better off.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

He has been a part of your life for a long time. You probably saw him as a part of you, and even though he was a horrible husband, you still had an attachment to him. The original reason why you married him was there at one time. Love springs hope eternal. Plus attraction is part of love, and there might be some attractive qualities about him.

Also, you wanted to be the one who fixed him, bought him happiness. You had a lot invested in him after all. Emotions and love are illogical at times, and you have to view him as an addiction that you know is bad for you, but hard to give up. Learning to detach is crucial in the healing process, and it will help separate your identity from him. The void that follows, you will have to fill that in with who you want to be, and aim for it. The improvements you want to make, the things you want to learn, the new connections you will have time for, will help in creating a new you.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Your sadness is your way of mourning the loss of the relationship, no different than if a loved one had died. You are going to go through a myriad of emotions including denial, anger, guilt, depression until you finally get to acceptance. How long this will take differs from individual to individual. Just know they will happen, sometimes all in the same day. If it becomes overwhelming, then consider counseling to help you through the hard times.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think you can still mourn a marriage that you don't want, if for no other reason then the death of the future you thought you'd have.

He probably does want to back, but he wants his sk!nk too. Clearly you know that though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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