# An Informational Letter to People Going Through Divorce



## nnardone20 (Apr 27, 2017)

You may feel guilty or damaged about divorce. This is very normal for people going through a divorce. You are not alone. This damage from divorce is possibly caused by the stigma around divorce. In our society today the label “failure” is commonly applied to not only the marriage but to the people within the divorce. This is a tremendous misconception. Divorce’s stigma creates this label of failure.
Divorce carries a stigma because divorce at one time was treated as a sin that called for repressive punishment in theological doctrine and practice, until the beginning of the twelfth century. Even in the mid-1950’s William J. Goode, former professor of sociology at Stanford University and former president of the American Sociological Association could still observe “We know that in our own society, divorce has still been a possible, but disapproved, solution for marital conflict.” Thankfully, divorce is not treated the same as it was in earlier times. In fact, multiple United States presidents have been through a divorce, such as Ronald Reagan. Thus, researchers have found that couples who divorce feel an unjust sense of shame and failure. This is very misleading because there are indeed positives to divorce.
There are many positives to divorce. One of the most important positives of divorce includes learning essential life skills (communication being one of these life skills). Another positive is children learning from their parent's mistakes. In addition to that, divorce can promote independence. Moreover, the child could possibly become more productive in school now that there is not as much trouble at home. Divorce does not equal failure. Multiple United States presidents have been through a divorce, and the president being the epitome of success.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I do not know the percentage break down, but a good many people who divorce feel the sense of failure as a personal one and not necessarily because society labels it as such anymore. While I agree it is not and should never be considered as a failure. That doesn't stop many people from feeling the guilt associated with personal failure when a divorce happens. Most people have invested all of themselves into the marriage and when divorce happens, they tend to internalize the divorce as some sort of failure on their part.
I also agree that there are many positives that come from divorce. This is one of those things that early in the process, when one is consumed by guilt, they often fail to see. But it is true. This is a chance to learn, to grow, to do better. It can wipe the slate clean and allow one to become the person they always dreamed of becoming and doing the things they always desired doing.
OTOH, I would hardly recognize the POTUS as the epitome of success. Instead I look at them as vile sociopaths who rigidly believe that they have all the answers. The only reason I can think of that anyone would pursue the office is simply because they believe they are right about everything. Hardly a person I would choose to emulate. Rather I would see some one who is happy and satisfied with their life as the epitome of success. One of the truly horrible aspects of contemporary American culture is the elevation of greed and materialism above all else.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Ynot said:


> I do not know the percentage break down, but a good many people who di*vorce feel the sense of failure as a personal one and not necessarily because society labels it as such anymore*. While I agree it is not and should never be considered as a failure. That doesn't stop many people from feeling the guilt associated with personal failure when a divorce happens. *Most people have invested all of themselves into the marriage and when divorce happens, they tend to internalize the divorce as some sort of failure on their part.*


This is how I feel, I tried and thought I was doing the right things and it turned into a failure after investing over a decade of effort into it. Also self reflection is a ***** when you finally start to realize where you went wrong but you cannot change the past and you cannot fix it anymore.

Also the rejection and hurt from knowing someone you love doesn't want you anymore because you make unknowingly them unhappy, that is a hard one to swallow.


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## Patrickmiller (Mar 15, 2017)

Thanks for sharing this here, it will really help people like me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MovingForward said:


> This is how I feel, I tried and thought I was doing the right things and it turned into a failure after investing over a decade of effort into it. Also self reflection is a ***** when you finally start to realize where you went wrong but you cannot change the past and you cannot fix it anymore.
> 
> Also the rejection and hurt from knowing someone you love doesn't want you anymore because you make unknowingly them unhappy, that is a hard one to swallow.


*Because of two failed marriages with both wives succumbing to deceptive, covert infidelity, this is the primary reason why I'm most reluctant and "gun shy" enough to never willingly put my heart back on the line with another woman!

The way I see things, it, too, would end in the abject failure of them ultimately attaining that very same sordid result!*


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