# Female Friend...



## MrConfused (Mar 2, 2012)

Recently I met up with a family friend, when i took my two kids out, we got talking as they also have a child too same age as ours.
Well i got a message from her, saying it was nice to see us again, and that we should all get together soon, I might add that we are both married. Anyway we were passing messages, all innocently when my wife asked if she should be worried? I asked why and she said the content of the messages my be seen as flirty.. whilst my intentions were totally innocent, (i don't really have many people to talk to about things) she seemed to think there was more too it. I assured her there wasn't and thought nothing more of it, then again a few days later the same again. Now even though she said she doesn't mind me talking to this woman more the content, i made an effort to curtail what i was saying a keep it merely chat. But that still wasn't enough, i told my wife i would stop talking to this woman but she just laughed, i don't know what to do.. In my eyes it's purely friends, if i discovered this woman felt more, then i would say it's not going to happen.
My wife and i have had some problems in the past, and recently things have been tense, but i'm going through a few issues, upcoming surgery for one, and feel like i'm not on her list of priorities, and perhaps feel like i just need someone to talk too.. Is what i'm doing wrong? there's never been any sort of sexual innuendo, or content in our chats i just don't understand..


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Understand your wife isn't comfortable with it and don't have a texting relationship with this woman. Do not WAIT for it to get to where your friend says she wants more. Your friend is "fishing"...getting you to hook on so you two start talking more, blah blah blah.

Nip it now. 
Easy.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

It's best to stop these communications since your wife is not comfortable with them (regardless of what she said or he laughter)

Find a guy friend through work aor perhaps a common hobby or interest like sports


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> My wife and i have had some problems in the past, and recently things have been tense, but i'm going through a few issues, upcoming surgery for one, and feel like i'm not on her list of priorities, and perhaps feel like *i just need someone to talk to*o.. Is what i'm doing wrong? there's never been any sort of sexual innuendo, or content in our chats i just don't understand..


That is the part that is bothering your wife - that you are choosing someone else to talk to. It's a slippery slope. First you chit chat, then you get into more personal conversations, then you start feeling like this friend "really understands you" and then you start hating on your wife because your friend is "better" and is meeting your emotional needs....affair.

If I were you, I'd just straight out tell your wife that you are feeling like she is not supporting you during this time that you need her support, and that you feel low on her list of priorities. That makes your need to chat with someone else bigger than it would be otherwise. 

If your wife is uncomfortable with the chatting, then she needs to understand why it is happening. You haven't been honest (not fully) and haven't told her that the reason you want to keep chatting with her is that you need someone to talk to because you don't feel your wife is there for your right now.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Sounds like it is time for all the partners to meet for lunch.

Go someplace with the kids and all sit down together.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Sounds like it is time for all the partners to meet for lunch.
> 
> Go someplace with the kids and all sit down together.


If I was his wife I would think this was a VERY bad idea. What woman wants to sit down with another woman AND HER HUSBAND who she thinks her husband could be having or potentially have an EA with? Not me.

Better that you just quit talking to this woman via text and draw some clear boundaries, and make sure your wife knows and agrees to them.


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## MrConfused (Mar 2, 2012)

Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why did you start texting with her in the first place?

Can you give us an example of what your wife thinks was inappropriate?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Give her your wife's number (with permission of course) and say you are too busy to plan a get together, but text your wife to set something up (or call! wtf...why is she texting and not calling? WEIRD). Anyhoo, I doubt she'll text your wife. Then you'll know her intentions.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And you're sure putting a lot of thought and effort into someone you're not close to 

Already seems fishy to me on your part.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Stop texting back or tell the OW that you don't feel comfortable talking to her. Your wife comes first. 

I'd be ticked off if my husband was texting another woman, family friend or not. There are no excuses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

that_girl said:


> And you're sure putting a lot of thought and effort into someone you're not close to
> 
> Already seems fishy to me on your part.


I agree.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I agree.


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

MrConfused said:


> Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....


Who cares if the other woman thinks you're rude. Worry about what your wife thinks. Your wife is uncomfortable with the contact. Cease the contact. 

And yes, definitely tell your wife that you feel that you are low on her list of priorities, and that you want to talk to her more. Don't attempt to have your need to talk met by another woman. Talk to your wife and make a few man friends.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Obviously he's a little attached already to the friend's attention and the thrill of talking with her.

I think the OP is just waiting for someone to say it's his wife's problem to which he'll say "THANK YOU" and go start an EA.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Obviously he's a little attached already to the friend's attention and the thrill of talking with her.
> 
> I think the OP is just waiting for someone to say it's his wife's problem to which he'll say "THANK YOU" and go start an EA.


this is what it sounds like to me as well.
he seems to be latching on to any excuse why not to cease contact with her.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

MrConfused said:


> Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....


If I were you, and you sound a lot like my husband in this particular instance, I would not be worrying about 'sounding rude' to your friend. Do both families a favor, and keep it a couples/family only relationship. There is no reason to develop a confidante-style friendship with this woman.

As for your wife being guilty of cheating? The husband and I are going through something similar right now. He wants to have a 'friend' and I'm not comfortable with it, and I'm certainly not cheating. Wisely, he appears to have made the right decision by me. No friend.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> There is no reason to develop a confidante-style friendship with this woman.


sounds like its too late and he is in too deep. he doesnt WANT to stop, not even for his wife.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> sounds like its too late and he is in too deep. he doesnt WANT to stop, not even for his wife.


No, eh? Figure he was just looking for blessings, and to be told his wife is crazy? Fume.....


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

You need to get this situation with the family friend under control NOW, not later when you're full into an affair. You already sound like you're far too attached. 

Your wife has already given you enough "hints" that she is uncomfortable with you having gotten closer to this woman. DO NOT MAKE HER HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STOP! Your wife is looking for some reassurance that her and your marriage are top priorities. You might be feeling that your wife is neglecting your needs, but you need to be up front with her about how you feel. Obviously, the two of you need to work out some things together. Don't let this other woman derail any possibiliy of a better relationship with your wife.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> No, eh? Figure he was just looking for blessings, and to be told his wife is crazy? Fume.....


exactly, cause he is in too deep already.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

And ladies, don't hint. TELL. SAY!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

MrConfused said:


> Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....


You're asking if you should tell this woman that your wife doesn't like you talking to her? Wouldn't the friend then think your W is rude? Or is that part of the appeal, to have another woman see how "tough" you have it? 

You have a choice between the woman who you plan to spend your life with and someone who will likely stop being your friend at some point in your life anyhow. Get your head out of the sand! Just ignore her texts. If she wants to remain a family friend she'll take the hint and contact your W. She's a grown woman, stop trying to protect her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's already in an EA.

Promise.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

Can you post some of what your wife thinks is flirty?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And I just have to say that I HATE when men can't make their own decisions...and then they blame someone else for their decision.

"My wife wont' let me talk to you." UGH! Sounds SO wimpy and SOOOO pathetic.

Just stop contact! You don't owe any explanation. You want to protect your marriage so you won't be having texting conversations.

Seriously. Grow a pair.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

MrConfused said:


> My wife and i have had some problems in the past, and recently things have been tense...and feel like i'm not on her list of priorities...





MrConfused said:


> ...tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities?


These from another thread:



MrConfused said:


> About a year ago i was made redundant, which meant my wife was the main breadwinner. We decided That i would work part time so that i could look after the kids and the house.
> After being in work for a few months i began to make friends there, and life seemed to be ok, but then I started to have feelings towards a particular woman there. She's older than me I'm 36. The thing is when i'm not at work, or she is not there i find myself thinking about her, to the extent that I miss her. Now this may all just be that i miss the fun and laughs we have, or maybe it's more. We are both married, I'm not sure how happy she is, but mine is obviously not right. We argue and don't really communicate, and our sex life is pretty much on hold, and when we do it's more of a chore than anything. I have a pretty high sex drive, whereas I think she could go the rest of her life without it..
> I don't think I could cheat on my wife, but if this woman made it clear it she would be up for some fun, then I might be tempted.
> On the other hand she may just be being friendly where i'm reading her behaviour as flirty. I'm not sure what i should do. My wife seems to resent me being at home, but when i was working all the time, she moaned that the house work was never done, and we had no time together. Now that it is being done we still have no time together, I don't know where i stand??





MrConfused said:


> Thanks for your advice, I have tried talking to her, done extra hours to help the finances, and cooked meals for us too share.
> I've suggested weekends away just the two of us, and not asking for sex, or going on about it, but things don't change. I've tried everything, even when we talk she says she understands and things might change for a few weeks but then it reverts back...
> I've written her letters to tell her how i feel, mainly because i can't seem to say it, as we always get into an argument about it.
> She loves her job, and has said that she doesn't mind working as she knows financially it's the better option, and she is having to do much less at home, so gets more time with the kids, but thats where all her time goes, even when she's off all her time is spent with them, And by the evening she is 'too tired' to do anything...
> I've said i will take on more permanent hours to help with the finances, but money isn't everything, I would love to be the main breadwinner but there is no chance of that happening anytime soon. So i don't know what to do..



Next comes the ILYBINILWY conversation. GUARANTEED. I'm going to advise you to ignore all of the previous posts and tell your wife to pound sand. You need love and attention from your wife. If she's not giving it to you, you'll find it elsewhere. Where does she get off telling you not to talk to anyone if she doesn't talk to you either? Is she punishing you for something?

Do what you want to do. What makes you happy. You have nothing to lose and life's too short.

Another walk-away wife. What a shock.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He has/had feelings for a woman at his work and his wife is the problem?

Did I miss something?

To hell with communication! OMG! Just go cheat! :rofl:

 Lame.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Sorry. I thought you guys all caught the part where his wife isn't into him any more. Or maybe I just missed the part where his wife seems intent upon actually being a wife.

My bad. I retract my advice.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Is wife isn't into him.

Still, he shouldn't cheat.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

MrK said:


> Sorry. I thought you guys all caught the part where his wife isn't into him any more. Or maybe I just missed the part where his wife seems intent upon actually being a wife.
> 
> My bad. I retract my advice.


And if she won't work on it that's a reason for divorce, not for cheating. 

Besides, we all know what the fog does to waywards. His words may be lies to justify his EA. Or his wife may be acting off because she senses something is up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> And if she won't work on it that's a reason for divorce, not for cheating.
> 
> Besides, we all know what the fog does to waywards. His words may be lies to justify his EA. *Or his wife may be acting off because she senses something is up.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously...maybe she senses that her hubby has the hots for these other ladies.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> And if she won't work on it that's a reason for divorce, not for cheating.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And that's bull****. My wife left our marriage emotionally. I'm not leaving my home and kids just because she married me for the wrong reasons. She's happy living with me in a loveless sexless marriage? Fine. But if something falls in my lap while she's camped out in front of the TV or avoiding us by living at work, I'm going for it. This OP should too.

I retract my retraction. Tell your wife that as soon as she wants to start working on herself as a wife, you'll stop looking for friendship elsewhere.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. You got a great marriage there. Maybe your wife treats you as such because she knows you dont' care enough to fix things...she's so replaceable!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

OK. Please don't respond to me anymore. I'm obviously wrong, so let it go. This is all just hijacking this guy's thread. 

But I have to respond to all of this "the man must be wrong and the woman right crap". It burns my ass to hear you presuming to know how my heartless wife has treated me over the past 10 years, particularly the past 2 while I (that's right, as in ME) has been trying to fix our marriage. She has ZERO interest. Screw her and ALL walk-away wives that choose to walk instead of telling their clueless husbands what's going on and trying to fix it.

There. I said it. You can ban me now.


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

MrK said:


> OK. Please don't respond to me anymore. I'm obviously wrong, so let it go. This is all just hijacking this guy's thread.
> 
> But I have to respond to all of this "the man must be wrong and the woman right crap". It burns my ass to hear you presuming to know how my heartless wife has treated me over the past 10 years, particularly the past 2 while I (that's right, as in ME) has been trying to fix our marriage. She has ZERO interest. Screw her and ALL walk-away wives that choose to walk instead of telling their clueless husbands what's going on and trying to fix it.
> 
> There. I said it. You can ban me now.


I just hope you've told her that you have decided that your marriage is now an open marriage. Maybe if you do, she'll wake up (like you said you woke up when you realized that she had checked out) and try to make some changes. Or maybe she'll decide that divorce is best. Or maybe she'll be cool with it. Whatever her choice may be, the decision to have an open marriage is not one to be made unilaterally!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Angel5112 said:


> Obviously she is into him if she has concerns about him talking to his female friend, otherwise she wouldn't care.


Maybe she just wants to win. Or maybe she just likes to keep up appearances. There was a post recently about a guy that was having trouble in his marriage. They went to a wedding. Danced. Sex that night. He thought they were rekindling, but he got the cold shoulder the next day. When he asked "what's that all about" he was told that she didn't want everyone to know she's "not into him".

Hey. Let's ignore specifics and get back to the real problem where wives seem to be checking out of marriages in droves. And I don't see too many "but I won her back" posts. So fine. Divorce her if you want. But odds are she's not coming back.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

381917 said:


> I just hope you've told her that you have decided that your marriage is now an open marriage.


I've got a close friend recommending I do exactly that.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

OP, if you are not into your wife any longer, and you want to pursue your friend, then tell your wife.

Obviously your wife cares, or she wouldn't worry about you talking to your friend.

But to come here and post things about EAs and then ask if it's ok to talk to a female friend...you wife isn't stupid. I bet she knows.

No one here is saying he's WRONG. We're just saying he shouldn't cheat. I mean, if the OP is THAT detatched that he can see other women, then why not just tell his wife that he's doing it? ya'll want your cake and eat it too.

If this was a woman, she'd get the same advice from me. So don't get so high and mighty. It's not gender specific. Cheating is cheating and it's wrong. Man up/Woman up and either leave, talk about it with your spouse, or knock it off.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

MrK said:


> And that's bull****. My wife left our marriage emotionally. I'm not leaving my home and kids just because she married me for the wrong reasons. She's happy living with me in a loveless sexless marriage? Fine. But if something falls in my lap while she's camped out in front of the TV or avoiding us by living at work, I'm going for it. This OP should too.
> 
> I retract my retraction. Tell your wife that as soon as she wants to start working on herself as a wife, you'll stop looking for friendship elsewhere.


Ew. Trust me, being as lazy as you describe yourself here, nothing is going to fall in your lap but crumbs.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Some people, and I'm not saying this towards the OP, but some people stay in these types of relationships and just complain about them. I don't get that. You can leave your spouse on good terms and have a more fulfilling life. But people stay for 10-20-30 years and complain. It's not worth it. if you're gonna stay, then shut up about it. This is the life they have chosen. deal.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I just can't imagine it...but that's me. I went through many relationships before marriage, my mother divorced my horrible father, even my grandmother got divorced twice! I do not come from a line of women who sticks around to put up with bullsh!t, that's for bloody sure!

Reading all of this makes me grateful for my guy. Not perfect, but we're working on it and at least we're both HERE (into it).

Sorry for the threadjack!


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

MrK,

I have the same problem you have only reversed. I'm still actively trying and wouldn't dream of looking outside the marriage. One day I may become a walk away spouse but it won't be from lack of effort on my part. It would be lack of response on his part. So it's not only women.


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## MrConfused (Mar 2, 2012)

Whilst i appreciate all the advice and judgments given, I doesn't surprise me that all the women think i'm just looking for an affair. I've never said i was attracted to this friend, nor have i had any sorts of feelings towards her, it's purely a friendship. I'm sure many women have male friends, that their husbands or Bf don't like, but they live with it. Most of you seem to have glossed over the fact that no matter how much i've tried, telling my wife nothing changes, I've told her written her letters, left notes, suggested a weekend/night away, but nothing. I'm not about to walk out on my kids, because my wife isn't there for me anymore. I mean why should I??? Yes i find it easier to talk to women than i do guys, is that a crime? Why because a guy has conversations with a friend, that listens do people say he's having a EA? alot of people in committed relationships can develop some sort of feelings towards another person, doesn't mean they need to act on them. 
I was never looking for someone to say yes it's right to carry on, i was looking for un-biased advice, and I don't seem to have got, even though no-one knows me from adam. Perhaps looking at other peoples problems with open eyes rather than narrow vision, because of issues you've had might help more.. 
Just a suggestion.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Well, I'm a guy, and it certainly sounds like EA fodder to me... is that unbiased enough for you?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

****My H has plenty of female friends. I don't mind at all. *I mind when he shares himself with a female in a way he shouldn't, whether it's emotional *or physical.****

Angel, of course, the physical is obvious. But the emotional is not always.

In this context, what would not accept?


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

MrConfused said:


> Whilst i appreciate all the advice and judgments given, I doesn't surprise me that all the women think i'm just looking for an affair.
> *I don't think you're just looking for an affair. *
> I've never said i was attracted to this friend, nor have i had any sorts of feelings towards her, it's purely a friendship. I'm sure many women have male friends, that their husbands or Bf don't like, but they live with it.
> *I would not have male friends that made my husband uncomfortable. He was spending some time with a neighbor that made me uncomfortable and he put a stop to it immediately. He didn't act like it bothered him at all. He told me that he didn't think it was inappropriate until I told him it bothered me. And that if something like that bothers me, it IS inappropriate for him, if for only that reason. That made me feel valued and let me know that what I think is of utmost importance to him. Which is as it should be. *
> ...


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

MrConfused said:


> I'm not about to walk out on my kids, because my wife isn't there for me anymore. I mean why should I??? Yes i find it easier to talk to women than i do guys, is that a crime? Why because a guy has conversations with a friend, that listens do people say he's having a EA? alot of people in committed relationships can develop some sort of feelings towards another person, doesn't mean they need to act on them.


MrC,

Please accept this from a guy who has been there. You are setting yourself up for a fall. It is only a matter of time. No one is immune. I was cruising along like you and one day time stopped dead. My pulse sounded like a bass drum and I got weak in the knees. I looked into my "friend's" eyes and saw a sparkle that shot through me like electric current. I was obsessed with her all day every day for weeks. Morning, noon and night. Pure torture. My advice is to run away before you get caught up in the same thing


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

MrConfused said:


> Whilst i appreciate all the advice and judgments given, I doesn't surprise me that all the women think i'm just looking for an affair. I've never said i was attracted to this friend, nor have i had any sorts of feelings towards her, it's purely a friendship. I'm sure many women have male friends, that their husbands or Bf don't like, but they live with it. Most of you seem to have glossed over the fact that no matter how much i've tried, telling my wife nothing changes, I've told her written her letters, left notes, suggested a weekend/night away, but nothing. I'm not about to walk out on my kids, because my wife isn't there for me anymore. I mean why should I??? Yes i find it easier to talk to women than i do guys, is that a crime? Why because a guy has conversations with a friend, that listens do people say he's having a EA? alot of people in committed relationships can develop some sort of feelings towards another person, doesn't mean they need to act on them.
> I was never looking for someone to say yes it's right to carry on, i was looking for un-biased advice, and I don't seem to have got, even though no-one knows me from adam. Perhaps looking at other peoples problems with open eyes rather than narrow vision, because of issues you've had might help more..
> Just a suggestion.


I think that you're missing the point. No one is saying that men and women can't be friends, but there MUST be clear boundaries regarding what KINDS of information is shared with female friends, as has already been noted. 

I'm a guy and had an EA. I crossed all sorts of lines by telling my "friend" all sorts of things about my marriage and wife that I should not have at a time when I should have been working harder than I was to try and fix what was going wrong in my marriage WITH MY WIFE. I have a large number of female friends that my wife is aware of and I make sure to let her know what is going on whenever I get a call, email or other message from one of them. My wife is also privy to all of my social media activity. I no longer hide anything from her like I did when I was way deep in the fog of the EA. 

You're a grown man and can do whatever you want to. My advice is to back away from this friend and leave your personal business out of that relationship before it all blows up in your face, like it did mine. I am, and will have to, work so much more harder to maintain my relationship now because of breaking the trust of my wife. 

Seriously, back away from the other worman and work with your wife in whatever way you can to get things back on track in your marriage, or end the marriage.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

One (of many) thing(s) I have decided since this EA my bf had is that:

if I ever read or hear that the ow has told my partner to get rid of me.....or if I even sense that that's something she could do (I assumed that my bf's EA would do that and when he finally showed me his text messages, I was right except that I had not assumed that she would have gotten started so early, we still have never met)

I will never make the effort to be a friend to them. 

My bf was constantly talking about what a great friend she was; and now that we she has a bf, we could all be friends.......no I don't think so.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MrConfused said:


> Thank you for the reponses, I'd like to say that this is a family friend that we will see again, so suddenly ignoring her messages may seem rude. Do i contact her to tell her there is a problem, and thats why i need to stop contact, or as was suggested tell my wife i need someone to talk too, as i feel i'm not high on her list of priorities? If i just stop chatting, could that not be perceived as a sign of guilt? that perhaps, i'm contacting her some other way, or meeting up? which has not happened. or is my wife making an issue out of it for another reason, It has been said that people that cheat often accuse their partners of the same....


Boundaries. 

Stop the chatting. Worry about your wife's feeelings. She s the only woman you need to be concerned about.

If the OW challenges you be a grownup and be honest. Tell her that you do not have ongoing chats / texts with women other than your wife. Who cares what she thinks about it?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> And I just have to say that I HATE when men can't make their own decisions...and then they blame someone else for their decision.
> 
> "My wife wont' let me talk to you." UGH! Sounds SO wimpy and SOOOO pathetic.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Absolutely. It is very weak for a guy to play the bad cop / good cop in this way.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MrK said:


> These from another thread:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


He needs to stop being unfaithful. He should make a decision whethe to continue in the marriage at all. If she is really all that bad then he should cut her loose and not cheat.

He can tell her that he needs attention from someone. That he is not getting it from her. That is fair game. I just do not think he should start an affair and stay married.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MrConfused said:


> Whilst i appreciate all the advice and judgments given, I doesn't surprise me that all the women think i'm just looking for an affair. I've never said i was attracted to this friend, nor have i had any sorts of feelings towards her, it's purely a friendship. I'm sure many women have male friends, that their husbands or Bf don't like, but they live with it. Most of you seem to have glossed over the fact that no matter how much i've tried, telling my wife nothing changes, I've told her written her letters, left notes, suggested a weekend/night away, but nothing. I'm not about to walk out on my kids, because my wife isn't there for me anymore. I mean why should I??? Yes i find it easier to talk to women than i do guys, is that a crime? Why because a guy has conversations with a friend, that listens do people say he's having a EA? alot of people in committed relationships can develop some sort of feelings towards another person, doesn't mean they need to act on them.
> I was never looking for someone to say yes it's right to carry on, i was looking for un-biased advice, and I don't seem to have got, even though no-one knows me from adam. Perhaps looking at other peoples problems with open eyes rather than narrow vision, because of issues you've had might help more..
> Just a suggestion.


<tough love>
Look, I had a workplace EA. I was not looking for it. Until I went through withdrawal and quit that job I thought I just had a very close friend. I was wrong. It is chemical. Oxytocin and Dopamine. It happens even if you do not intend it to. It feels ok becaue of the chemicals. My advice is to either cut off the EA or to divoirce your wife.

Obviously your marriage has other challenges. But this "friend" is more than a friend, whether you perceive it or not. Your wife saw things in your communications that were red flags. Mine did to. I listened to her because I never stopped loving her. I did the right thing and later saw it for what it was.
</tough love>


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