# Sudden increase in sex drive



## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Got a question for you all.

Married about 14 years, 3 kids and we are in our mid early 30s.

Sex life has never been much of an issue. But as the kids started coming, it started happening less and was pretty much on a schedule, same time, always in bed once the kids are down. We did it enough so no complaints from me.

But very recently, its been happening at all different times, much much more and sometimes more then once a day. And thats something that hasn't happened since before we had kids. And a lot of the time its not in bed.

What the heck is going on. Im loving it, but is this normal.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'd be snooping on her. 

sometimes an affair drives up the sex drive.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I'd be snooping on her.
> 
> sometimes an affair drives up the sex drive.


Yep let's rule it out.
VAR in the car and phone records.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If she's not having one you are one lucky bastage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mid early thirties?

LOL.

She is at her sexual peak.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It could be a lot of things. It could be hormonal. Possibly a change in diet or medications or age related changes could be resulting in increased sex drive. It could be an upturn in your relationship has her feeling good about you. It could be decreased demands on her time by the kids as they get older leave her feeling more energetic. I even read once where depression can manifest itself in increased sex drive. Or as already suggested, stimulation from a third party be it an emotional or physical affair can get the juices flowing so to speak. 

I think you have to look at what is going on in your lives to try to ascertain what it most likely is.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

so was it once a week before? scheduled...like a certain day?

maybe she's making a conscious effort to light a spark in the marriage. 

sometimes you take each other for granted, and a story you hear or article you read really helps to remind you how good you have it in a marriage.

any of her friends going through a divorce? or really struggling with finding a decent man? events like that can really make you grateful for what you have at home


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Mid early thirties?
> 
> LOL.
> 
> She is at her sexual peak.


very well could be this.


but I would still be suspicious after reeding all the infidelity threads and warning signs.

does she password her phone,did she lose a bunch of weight,whiting her teeth, spend alot of time on computer/facebook,

look for other warning signs and if she has them then start snooping.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> very well could be this.
> 
> 
> but I would still be suspicious after reeding all the infidelity threads and warning signs.
> ...


:iagree:
Please rule it out.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

So a great sex life is now a cause to start snooping on your spouse and suspecting them of cheating? Welcome to TAM. 

Hormones. She's hitting her sexual peak in her 30's, so enjoy it.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

norajane said:


> Hormones. She's hitting her sexual peak in her 30's, so enjoy it.


Also, how old are the kids? Not uncommon for things to improve once the kids get of diapers and start taking care of themselves for longer periods of time.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

Hacker said:


> Got a question for you all.
> 
> Married about 14 years, 3 kids and we are in our mid early 30s.
> 
> ...


try this:

"Honey....the sex has been great lately. You are like a sexual wildcat. What has gotten into you?"

don't be afraid to talk to her about it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Hacker.
Be happy! Your sex life has gotten better. Please do not let this start triggering suspicions, there is no reason to suspect. If you start having those sorts of thoughts she may well pick up on them. 

Remember, people will tell you the signs of an affair are: Less interest in sex. More interest in sex. Unchanging monotonous sex life. Gaining weight. Losing weight. Being more affectionate. Being less affectionate. etc etc.

Yes, some people have affairs, but unfounded suspicions is one of the best ways to drive someone away.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Tom67
As I said in another thread, if I discovered my partner was spying / tracking me, I would leave. I could tolerate them cheating, but if trust were so far gone in the relationship that they had to spy on me, there would be nothing left for me. This would be true even if their spying as directed at a part of my life where I was wholly innocent (assuming I am innocent of anything that is :FIREdevil

Others can do as they wish, but I expect I'm not alone in feeling this way. 

QUOTE=tom67;9600778]Yep let's rule it out.
VAR in the car and phone records.[/QUOTE]


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I doubt she is having an affair. Not really any time for it with our busy schedules. If she could pull it off id be shocked.

She doesn't lock her phone, emails, facebook.... nothing its all open.

Our kids are grade school ages.

One thing I did forget to post is that recently her hours at work got cut in half. So at lunch she comes home, and she is with me the rest of the day since I work from home.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

just my own W.A.G....

it seems for every 10 mature postmeno women out there

2 still have normal sex
6 deny most sex to their husband
2 get so horny they will be all over you

You are the lucky one indeed!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hacker said:


> I doubt she is having an affair. Not really any time for it with our busy schedules. If she could pull it off id be shocked.
> 
> She doesn't lock her phone, emails, facebook.... nothing its all open.
> 
> ...


On the surface everything sounds good.
So you don't have any doubt just casually check the phone records once.
Otherwise have fun.:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hacker said:


> I doubt she is having an affair. Not really any time for it with our busy schedules. If she could pull it off id be shocked.
> 
> She doesn't lock her phone, emails, facebook.... nothing its all open.
> 
> ...


There's your answer. More time, less stress, plus more opportunity.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

norajane said:


> There's your answer. More time, less stress, plus more opportunity.


+1


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I had a feeling it could be that. Life is much more relaxed now then it used to be. 

Its weird, iv been wanting this part of our life to return for years.

Before this all started happening, it was the usual times 2 a week, 3 times if I was lucky. Typically Friday and or weekend nights.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Hacker said:


> I had a feeling it could be that. Life is much more relaxed now then it used to be.
> 
> Its weird, iv been wanting this part of our life to return for years.
> 
> Before this all started happening, it was the usual times 2 a week, 3 times if I was lucky. Typically Friday and or weekend nights.


congratulations, you lucky man.

make sure she knows it's appreciated....some impromptu flowers, more romantic dates, small gifts, a little massage


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> congratulations, you lucky man.
> 
> make sure she knows it's appreciated....some impromptu flowers, more romantic dates, small gifts, a little massage


:iagree::iagree:


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Hacker said:


> Got a question for you all.
> 
> Married about 14 years, 3 kids and we are in our mid early 30s.
> 
> ...



My peak started around 32-33. My husband didn't know what hit him, still doesn't . Some it was the kids were older and out of the baby/toddler/I need Mama stage....and I have never had an affair.

Enjoy her, she must love you very much


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

over20 said:


> My peak started around 32-33. My husband didn't know what hit him, still doesn't . Some it was the kids were older and out of the baby/toddler/I need Mama stage....and I have never had an affair.
> 
> Enjoy her, she must love you very much


Sweet words! You must be the best wife.:smthumbup:


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Sweet words! You must be the best wife.:smthumbup:


Thank you, that was nice of you to say.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

On


rick31797 said:


> this happened to me 2 yrs ago, for about 10 day span , it was hormonal, after the 10 days it went into hibernation, and i have not seen it since.


on you or the wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Over20 said*: *My peak started around 32-33. My husband didn't know what hit him, still doesn't . Some it was the kids were older and out of the baby/toddler/I need Mama stage....and I have never had an affair.*


I wish mine came at this age, but we were in the midst of having a bunch of babies that decade..

No infidelity here at all.. in fact making a Movie maker video of just the 2 of us, adding a mushy love song ...seemed to throw me over the edge.. between that and some sexual peak that was stirring...then let loose.. I suddenly turned into a Nympho who couldn't get enough.. 

Every silly inhibition I ever had was out the window, felt a renewed sense of confidence, didn't need any foreplay at all.. my husband became my dopamine...(I was 42 )....still riding on those waves, but I'd say it's more mental NOW ...after all sex starts in the brain...but at the onset it was like a NEED that had to be satisfied.. I felt like I stepped into the body of a raging teen male.. and what they go through at Puberty & need to have a release like 3 times a day or something.. 

My H didn't know what the hell hit me but he wasn't complaining! He had trouble keeping up though, I was thanking God we lived in the day of that little blue pill... 

So yeah.. it happens...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Use it till it falls off. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

lol thanks


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I wish mine came at this age, but we were in the midst of having a bunch of babies that decade..
> 
> No infidelity here at all.. in fact making a Movie maker video of just the 2 of us, adding a mushy love song ...seemed to throw me over the edge.. between that and some sexual peak that was stirring...then let loose.. I suddenly turned into a Nympho who couldn't get enough..
> 
> ...


I could not AGREE MORE with this. My wife and are are both busy but married 32 years. We are now in our mid 50's but things have been hotter and hotter over the last 10+ years. Now, just just went through menopause and WOW! Anytime we want!!!!!

I consider myself to be a VERY lucky guy. But, I also want to say that as you do get older the perspective of life does get much bigger and important. Enjoy what you have. My wife is my "gem". I see many people my age who have given up and women that are done with men. 

Just wait when the kids are out of the house. That is when the fun really begins. We just have to make sure we are not smiling too much.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

mpgunner said:


> I could not AGREE MORE with this. My wife and are are both busy but married 32 years. We are now in our mid 50's but things have been hotter and hotter over the last 10+ years. Now, just just went through menopause and WOW! Anytime we want!!!!!
> 
> I consider myself to be a VERY lucky guy. But, I also want to say that as you do get older the perspective of life does get much bigger and important. Enjoy what you have. My wife is my "gem". I see many people my age who have given up and women that are done with men.
> 
> Just wait when the kids are out of the house. That is when the fun really begins. We just have to make sure we are not smiling too much.



What a wonderfully refreshing post! :smthumbup:


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I guess we all have something to looking forward to when it comes to aging. I just hope it still works


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

A book for all ladies... Particularly those with issues. Weight, fatigue, heavy periods, night sweats, severe cramps, prescription hormones giving depression, headaches... Lots of things you're seeing "Doctors" for:

"What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About PREMENOPAUSE, Balance your Hormones and your Life from Thirty to Fifty"
John R Lee MD
Jesse Hanley MD


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

rick31797 said:


> Not quite sure how you just went through menopause, when menopause goes on for years...lol
> 
> It sounds like you just went through a menopause drive-through...lol



There were certainly the hot flash moments. But the one side benefit was her skin felt wonderful and very responsive. 

Guys have it so easy...


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

norajane said:


> So a great sex life is now a cause to start snooping on your spouse and suspecting them of cheating? Welcome to TAM.
> 
> Hormones. She's hitting her sexual peak in her 30's, so enjoy it.


Well, when it suddenly turns hot when it hasn't been for years, maybe.

However, it doesn't appear to be the case here. Likely age, kids are older, more free time. Kind of a no-brainer.

But generally speaking, when other things in the marriage aren't great, but the sex increases, it MAY be a sign. I've lived it, and so have others.

I'm of the belief that sex tends to increase whilst one partner is getting it elsewhere, almost as a decoy. Because NOT having sex with your partner suddenly seems to be grounds for the other starting to have suspicions. Only thing is, when these people ramp it up, it tends to be almost too much, like overcompensation.

Yes, I'm only one man, but I have lived this exact scenario. I've seen others who have, too. It's not a SURE sign, as you have to take many other things into account, but it's a good indicator nonetheless. In the few months before my ex wife left for another guy, she was overcompensating BIG TIME. She was initiating, and not just in bed before we went to sleep. I'm talking pull over on the side of the road, upstairs for a quickie while we have company, that sort of thing. It went from me having to ASK her for sex, and getting the "get it over with" face a couple of times a month, to her being some sort of insatiable she-devil.

OP, I wouldn't be worried!


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Hacker said:


> I doubt she is having an affair. Not really any time for it with our busy schedules. If she could pull it off id be shocked.
> 
> She doesn't lock her phone, emails, facebook.... nothing its all open.
> 
> ...


My first thought here is simply : She has MORE TIME and is LESS TIRED. So her sex drive went up. Enjoy !

Is the sudden increase in sex drive SOMETIMES an infidelity indicator ? Is has been for some people. Usually in those cases its just a temporary spike of activity and then it drops back off or in many cases goes to zero.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

So I brought it up to her.

And it is a mix of things, mostly about less stress with dealing with kids, work and our financial situation is the best it has ever been.

She doesn't have a million things on her mind like she used to.

Oh and I think she kind of likes me.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

alexm said:


> I'm of the belief that sex tends to increase whilst one partner is getting it elsewhere, almost as a decoy. Because NOT having sex with your partner suddenly seems to be grounds for the other starting to have suspicions. Only thing is, when these people ramp it up, it tends to be almost too much, like overcompensation.


I don't think it's necessarily a conscious decoy. I think they're more stimulated sexually by the excitement of the affair and it spills over into the marriage. It's a cruel irony...


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Hacker said:


> Got a question for you all.
> 
> Married about 14 years, 3 kids and we are in our mid early 30s.
> 
> ...


How is your relationship otherwise? Do you have an emotional connection? Talk together? Listen to her? Provide emotional support and validation? Romance?

If not, then someone else may be meeting her emotional needs. She hasn't consummated that relationship but when you are having sex with her, she pictures his face. Once they consummate, your M will be sexless because WW in PA's are faithful to their AP.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Our relationship seems to be pretty good. I try to be a good husband that she doesn't have to nag at. Everything is in order.

I ask her how her day was. Kiss her when she leaves the house.

Talk to her and listen to her. She does get annoyed that I dont like watching her TV shows with her. I typically use that time to tidy up around the house.

We don't go on dates all that much, it can be challenging because gotta find a sitter, we spend an arm and a leg. Id much rather just make dinner at home and eat as a family. And we do that a lot.

But we did go out for dinner over the weekend, and she did say something really weird on the drive home. She said do you think its bad that we don't talk a lot during dinner. And I was uhh I thought we were talking. But after that we sent the sitter home, we sat down and watched a movie together and had some fun.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Hacker said:


> She said do you think its bad that we don't talk a lot during dinner. And I was uhh I thought we were talking.


Her perception is that you didn't talk a lot during dinner. Watching a movie isn't "talking". If I was you I would step up the emotional intimacy pronto

The Policy of Unidivided Attention

Here's a weekend which helps with emotional intimacy: Welcome | WWME


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I find that interesting because im pretty much an extrovert. It is hard to shut me up.

Perhaps maybe it was the topics of the conversation and not so much be actually talking.


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

The wife and I are 44. I went many years at once a week and no more. 3 kids kept her busy but she definitely was lacking in the sex drive dept. In fact, we've been together since we were 15 and she's always been that way. A few years ago I told her no more. I also told her I wanted bjs back in play. Last one was when we were 17. She responded pretty well and things got a lot better. But the last 2 years, it's almost daily sex. And out of the blue Bjs pretty regularly. Not sure what changed, but since the talk she is a different woman. I don't threaten to leave, but I think she realized I wasn't happy. At first it was go along to get along on her part. Now though she just about wears me out. I'll never tell her that though....

It's not unheard of for a woman to change. Just takes the right woman with the right attitude. And of course it takes the man doing his part to lead the family the way he should. I believe this was part of my problem. We have a pretty traditional marriage, but I was too much of a nice guy.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

flnative said:


> The wife and I are 44. I went many years at once a week and no more. 3 kids kept her busy but she definitely was lacking in the sex drive dept. In fact, we've been together since we were 15 and she's always been that way. A few years ago I told her no more. I also told her I wanted bjs back in play. Last one was when we were 17. She responded pretty well and things got a lot better. But the last 2 years, it's almost daily sex. And out of the blue Bjs pretty regularly. Not sure what changed, but since the talk she is a different woman. I don't threaten to leave, but I think she realized I wasn't happy. At first it was go along to get along on her part. Now though she just about wears me out. I'll never tell her that though....
> 
> It's not unheard of for a woman to change. Just takes the right woman with the right attitude. And of course it takes the man doing his part to lead the family the way he should. I believe this was part of my problem. We have a pretty traditional marriage, but I was too much of a nice guy.


Read this book...
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011: Athol Kay: 9781460981733: Amazon.com: Books


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Well it was a good run. But she said she needs a break lol. Which I was expecting because she is about to get her period. This is pretty normal for her.

But im still going to give it a shot tonight anyways.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Hacker said:


> Well it was a good run. But she said she needs a break lol. Which I was expecting because she is about to get her period. This is pretty normal for her.
> 
> But im still going to give it a shot tonight anyways.


a brave sailor isn't afraid of the red sea!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Hacker said:


> Well it was a good run. But she said she needs a break lol. Which I was expecting because she is about to get her period. This is pretty normal for her.
> 
> But im still going to give it a shot tonight anyways.


Dude, now is the perfect time for some great beta-ish reinforcement of her fantastic job sexing you up.

I'm thinking you do give her a break. Do something fantastically nice to her to show her that you care about her and really appreciate how things have been.

Oh, and who cares if she gets her period? Man, why give up on sex for 1/4 of the month just because of that?

Towels man, towels!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

ReidWright said:


> a brave sailor isn't afraid of the red sea!


That's a good one! I'm gonna steal it okay?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

marduk said:


> Dude, now is the perfect time for some great beta-ish reinforcement of her fantastic job sexing you up.
> 
> I'm thinking you do give her a break. Do something fantastically nice to her to show her that you care about her and really appreciate how things have been.
> 
> ...


Even better, shower together...


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

tom67 said:


> Read this book...
> 
> The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011: Athol Kay: 9781460981733: Amazon.com: Books



I have read that book. But I made this change several years before I heard of MMSL. 

With that said, I pretty much did what Kay said to the letter. I just stumbled across the right path on my own. I will say the book was dead on in my case of what I needed to do. Very good book.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Re: period sex... I find that I don't actually bleed much during (sex). It's almost like it stops during the act. Anyone else? Women?


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

So something interesting happened. So iv been checking into things to see is maybe something was going on.

One thing I did was to check the Tollroad logs to see if she goes out she is really going where she says she is going and it all matched up going a couple months back.

Well last night she had class, and she called me about an hour before she was going to leave and said she was coming home early. I asked where she was at and she said that she just left school.

So I pulled up the logs from the Tollroad and I only see one charge when there should have been 3 for the trip to school. Looks like she hit one of the Toll boths and exited the freeway. And then no charges for the trip home.

Normally these charges get posted within seconds of going thru the Toll both.

So it looks like according to the Tolls she didnt go to school and told me she did.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Or there was a huge traffic jam on the tollway, so she got off and went by a different route?

It's construction season around here, so there are definitely roads I avoid that I normally would take. Just sayin', there might be a simple explanation so don't immediately jump to the worst conclusion. 

Do you usually give her the benefit of the doubt or think the worst?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Hacker said:


> I doubt she is having an affair. Not really any time for it with our busy schedules. If she could pull it off id be shocked.
> 
> She doesn't lock her phone, emails, facebook.... nothing its all open.
> 
> ...


She is on vacation, IMHO.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hacker said:


> So something interesting happened. So iv been checking into things to see is maybe something was going on.
> 
> One thing I did was to check the Tollroad logs to see if she goes out she is really going where she says she is going and it all matched up going a couple months back.
> 
> ...


Oh boy.
You could innocently say you were checking the balance and noticed she didn't take the same route or...
Act stupid now don't say anything and go into PI mode.
Time to check the phone records and put a voice activated recorder in her car.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You could also put a gps device in the car.
Maybe this is nothing but you should make sure.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I am not saying anything at all. I am just going to keep a close eye on it.

If she was having an emotional affair and it just went physical, I should be getting new hints soon. And I need to be able to track it.

Im going to need more evidence before anything is said.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about this unexpected "sign". Yours is/was a story I was feeling good about.

Hope it all works out and its just construction season.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

We dont really have construction seasons around here. But if something did happen on the freeway it wouldn't explain the trip home.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hacker said:


> We dont really have construction seasons around here. But if something did happen on the freeway it wouldn't explain the trip home.


Maybe she needed to run an errand so went a different way.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Not sure if it warranted yet, but the standard post by Weightlifter has lots of good tips for getting info.

Keep strong and I hope the best for you.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

That is a possibility for the trip there, but not the trip back. The trip back would take forever if she bypassed the freeway. It does not add up.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

transponders do stop working, sometime intermittently, and tollway systems do have glitches that slow down the transactions.

does she have another class soon? does her class take attendance (doubtful)? can you check the records to make sure she's really still enrolled? does she usually take notes every class? any gaps in her notebook?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> transponders do stop working, sometime intermittently, and tollway systems do have glitches that slow down the transactions.
> 
> does she have another class soon? does her class take attendance (doubtful)? can you check the records to make sure she's really still enrolled? does she usually take notes every class? any gaps in her notebook?


My dad had his transponder go dead they sent him notice of the unpaid tolls and a new transponder.
I hope this happened to hers.
VAR under her seat strap it with heavy velcro and you will likely get an answer one way or another.
Check phone records and even search the car for a pay as you go "burner" phone.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> It could be a lot of things. It could be hormonal. Possibly a change in diet or medications or age related changes could be resulting in increased sex drive. *It could be an upturn in your relationship has her feeling good about you. It could be decreased demands on her time by the kids as they get older leave her feeling more energetic.* I even read once where depression can manifest itself in increased sex drive. Or as already suggested, stimulation from a third party be it an emotional or physical affair can get the juices flowing so to speak.
> 
> I think you have to look at what is going on in your lives to try to ascertain what it most likely is.


Pretty good assessment. This is my story for increased sex drive(What is in bold). Took me 20 years to figure out what a wonderful wife I have. God Bless her for sticking with even though our sex life was not were she wanted it. She did tell me many times. I was too stupid to realize. Anyway, as a result of my truly understanding what a good person she is the flood gates opened. She is very much elated. Wondering but elated. Plus, our kids are in their late teens. They entertain themselves. We have much more free time to start "dating" again.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

Hacker said:


> That is a possibility for the trip there, but not the trip back. The trip back would take forever if she bypassed the freeway. It does not add up.


Speaking from personal experience here, this doesn't look very good. I'd keep an eye out and track this. I think you may be getting some bad news in the near future. Best of luck to you.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Sorry, but I am astonished and appalled at the level of tracking and spying that many people see to find acceptable:FIREdevil:

If my wife gets home late, I ask her if she was stuck in traffic or at work. I don't look at toll charges, GPS trackers, and traffic reports.

If I call her office and she isn't there, I assume that she had some errand to run. 

If someone mentions seeing her at lunch with another man I assume it was a coworker. I often get lunch with coworkers - occasionally that means I'm having lunch with another woman. It would be improper (and probably illegal) for me to treat male and female coworkers differently. 

Do people really have so little trust in those that they love:scratchhead:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> Sorry, but I am astonished and appalled at the level of tracking and spying that many people see to find acceptable:FIREdevil:
> 
> If my wife gets home late, I ask her if she was stuck in traffic or at work. I don't look at toll charges, GPS trackers, and traffic reports.
> ...



I understand your perspective but some here are a bid jaded from past experiences.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Hacker said:


> So I pulled up the logs from the Tollroad and I only see one charge when there should have been 3 for the trip to school. Looks like she hit one of the Toll boths and exited the freeway. And then no charges for the trip home.


Increased sex drive? Missing travel?

This screams there's another dude in the picture... 

I'd plant a GPS and a VAR (Voice activated Recorder) in her car ASAP while it's still fresh. You got enough to start recon. Doesn't look good for you bud. DON'T confront her until you have concrete proof. Sorry you're here.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I dont typically look at this stuff, but with the sudden increase in sex plus what some of the people said on this topic it kind of put me on red alert.

If something was going on and it did just switch from emotional to physical, I would imagine now is the time that shenanigans would start. So I started looking closer at it.

She does have class this evening, so ill take a look and see what it shows.

What im looking for here is a pattern. If its just this one time, eh ill just leave it alone. But if I see this starting to increase then ill know something is up.

Also need to pay attention to the drive. So far it has shown no signs of stopping.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

of course, maybe she hates the class and is just playing hooky. 

is she a good student usually? 

yeah, record the mileage before she goes


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I will tell you, when I saw the title of your thread I thought, OH OH! 

I was like Richardsharpe, I trusted my spouse, never, ever checked up on her. Imagine my surprise when I was given the I love you but not in love with you speech. Having been on TAM I knew that was a red flag. That night I checked her phone, found the texts from a mutual friend, the rest is history, (and can be found here on TAM). I now know that the up tick in our sex life from two years earlier is because she was having an affair with a different guy then. Do not want to be over the top here, do not want to be crazy. But you do need to check, without her knowing, what she is up to. Hopefully there is a reason, but don't hide your head in the sand. Don't be like this guy, who only after finding out what was going on, checked his phone records to see that she and the POSOM were texting 600 times a month for almost a year. 
Don't expect the worst, but do confirm.

And Richard, the answer to your question as to what is acceptable, when it comes to checking on your spouse, any and all things! If I were an innocent spouse, and I found out that I was being checked up on, I would say "go for it!" because I know that nothing would be found. I would not be mad at all.

Hoosier


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Strange thing is, I have checked the phone and cross referenced with the records and I have not been able to find anything. She keeps the phone unlocked and at times she just leaves it out for anyone to pick up.

So if something is going on, the cell isn't being used for communication.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I have to think if your gut is telling to to check up on things it probably means you're sensing something happening in the relationship. Although it may not be what you think. As someone said she could have just skipped class and gone sat in a park to comtemplate life.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

That could be.

One question I have, if something is going on and it just went physical. Is she going to pull this more and more.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Probably.... but don't jump to conclusions just because of one instance. But DO be proactive! Remember she could have a burner phone, and nothing will show up in your phone records.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hoosier said:


> Probably.... but don't jump to conclusions just because of one instance. But DO be proactive! Remember she could have a burner phone, and nothing will show up in your phone records.


I don't know in your case but some increase sex to keep you from being suspicious.
Then when they are deep in an affair, the sex trickles down to nothing.
Find out asap.
VAR in the car and GPS.
We all hope it's nothing but this warrants checking to be sure.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Hoosier
You are of course welcome to feel the way you do. For me, detailed tracking would be a relationship ender. 

Also, if the target is at all technically savvy, they can avoid simple tracking. Use different phone, different email (with histories properly scrubbed). Trackers can be left at work while the car is driven. Fake receipts printed. Petty soon you are in a technological arms race. 

If I discovered I was being tracked an was in a particularly bad mood, I might plant false (and legally provable false) leads for a divorce proceeding. In some jurisdictions, some of this type of tracking is also illegal.

People are free to act as they wish, but be aware that some people would find the lack of trust implied by tracking to be extremely offensive and insulting.

My wife has ample opportunity to cheat. I simply trust that she isn't. If I'm wrong, well I still will have had >20 years of living happily with someone I love and trust. 




Hoosier said:


> I will tell you, when I saw the title of your thread I thought, OH OH!
> 
> I was like Richardsharpe, I trusted my spouse, never, ever checked up on her. Imagine my surprise when I was given the I love you but not in love with you speech. Having been on TAM I knew that was a red flag. That night I checked her phone, found the texts from a mutual friend, the rest is history, (and can be found here on TAM). I now know that the up tick in our sex life from two years earlier is because she was having an affair with a different guy then. Do not want to be over the top here, do not want to be crazy. But you do need to check, without her knowing, what she is up to. Hopefully there is a reason, but don't hide your head in the sand. Don't be like this guy, who only after finding out what was going on, checked his phone records to see that she and the POSOM were texting 600 times a month for almost a year.
> Don't expect the worst, but do confirm.
> ...


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Hoosier said:


> Imagine my surprise when I was given the I love you but not in love with you speech.


Being given that speech does not mean the other person is cheating. I could easily give my husband that speech now, being in an unhappy marriage, but I am not cheating on him. 



Hacker said:


> Strange thing is, I have checked the phone and cross referenced with the records and I have not been able to find anything. She keeps the phone unlocked and at times she just leaves it out for anyone to pick up.
> 
> So if something is going on, the cell isn't being used for communication.


I find it sad that you got sucked into trying to track your wife because she has given you more sex. There are many other reasons she can have an increased drive, and you go to her cheating? :scratchhead: I would be really upset if I was your wife and found out about you doing all of this.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

So about an hour ago she left for school, before she left she got her makeup in order and prettied up her hair.

At this point she should be at school, and all Tolls should be logged and there is nothing.

So either the transponder thing is busted or something is up.

Ill be taking the car tomorrow and ill check the logs when I reach my destination to see if it doesn't track me.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Well I was starting to feel better about the whole thing and maybe it was a broken transpoder. But all the Tolls just showed up and she is where she said she would be.

So what the heck happened yesterday is the question.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hacker said:


> Well I was starting to feel better about the whole thing and maybe it was a broken transpoder. But all the Tolls just showed up and she is where she said she would be.
> 
> So what the heck happened yesterday is the question.


Got to best buy, frys or whatever you have near you and get a var.
Radio Shack has crappy ones.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Hacker said:


> Well I was starting to feel better about the whole thing and maybe it was a broken transpoder. But all the Tolls just showed up and she is where she said she would be.
> 
> So what the heck happened yesterday is the question.


Sounds like this isn't a good method of tracking, and nothing's going on. 

I'd enjoy the ride, man. Your wife is sexing you up and happy with her marriage with you and showing you that.

Sure, a short-term jump in sex drive CAN be a red flag. IF it's mixed with OTHER red flags. Like hiding her phone, suddenly talking about a new friend all the time, new lingerie you never get to see on her, etc.

On it's own?

Man, your wife is happy! Be happy with her!

Don't let us folks that have been burned by infidelity make you paranoid.

I mean trust but verify, sure. But don't get crazy with it. Just check in now and again.

I heard a stat that more than 90% of affairs are eventually exposed. Even one night stands.

So chill.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

tom67 said:


> Got to best buy, frys or whatever you have near you and get a var.
> Radio Shack has crappy ones.


Oh my god are you kidding me?

A wife is happy to have sex with her husband and the response is to put a tape recorder in her car?

Man, some days I just don't get it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

marduk said:


> Oh my god are you kidding me?
> 
> A wife is happy to have sex with her husband and the response is to put a tape recorder in her car?
> 
> Man, some days I just don't get it.


He didn't know where she was yesterday and she lied.
Are you reading another thread?:scratchhead:
If this is innocent he'll be out about $60.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I have to think if your gut is telling to to check up on things it probably means you're sensing something happening in the relationship. Although it may not be what you think. As someone said she could have just skipped class and gone sat in a park to comtemplate life.


To the OP - is it your gut telling you something is not right, or is it because you have been hanging out here that you have doubts?


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

My gut was telling me nothing is going on. I posted on her because I found it interesting that we went from a pretty good sex life to all my dreams coming true.

Then I was reading everything and I was like ok ill take a look. And found nothing as I expected. But it was still in the back of my mind of a possible emotional thing going on.

So I was just taking a look at things thats all.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep do not say anything just keep watching and keep cool.

var in the car......


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

tom67 said:


> He didn't know where she was yesterday and she lied.
> Are you reading another thread?:scratchhead:
> If this is innocent he'll be out about $60.


Based on toll road information? And her taking that route? And all that crap being 100% accurate? And and and and...

Keep an eye open, sure. Pay attention if she shirts spending a bunch of time on her phone, or hiding it. If she's suddenly out all the time. If she suddenly goes out looking sexy. If her personality changes in other ways. All the standard stuff.

But toll road information? As a sole basis for having an affair coupled with suddenly wanting to have sex with her husband?

If she's screwing around, it will come out if he's observant.

What doesn't need to happen is for him to go all magnum PI spy vs spy on her because she's suddenly screwing his brains out and that makes him suspicious instead of putting a permanent grin on his face?

Yes. Trust but verify. There are even times where I'd advise a VAR. But not this time, not now.

What say you on this OP? 

What does your gut say?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Hacker said:


> My gut was telling me nothing is going on. I posted on her because I found it interesting that we went from a pretty good sex life to all my dreams coming true.
> 
> Then I was reading everything and I was like ok ill take a look. And found nothing as I expected. But it was still in the back of my mind of a possible emotional thing going on.
> 
> So I was just taking a look at things thats all.


Nothing wrong with a quick look. But having found nothing, stop digging. Nothing good can come from it. 

Go enjoy your relationship and your wife.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

look up red flags of an affair.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> look up red flags of an affair.


It would be great if it is nothing. What's wrong with a few days with the var? I hope there is nothing going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

tom67 said:


> It would be great if it is nothing. What's wrong with a few days with the var? I hope there is nothing going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's wrong with it?

How about how the wife feels when she finds out she was being tracked? The pain and lost trust from her? I would be incredibly upset if my husband tracked me because I had more sex with him. I, out of the blue, dressed up for my husband the other day. Should he start tracking me? Is that a red flag? It doesn't always mean something is going on. She is happy with him and showing him that. God forbid someone do something spontaneous or show more affection.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> What's wrong with it?
> 
> How about how the wife feels when she finds out she was being tracked? The pain and lost trust from her? I would be incredibly upset if my husband tracked me because I had more sex with him. I, out of the blue, dressed up for my husband the other day. Should he start tracking me? Is that a red flag? It doesn't always mean something is going on. She is happy with him and showing him that. God forbid someone do something spontaneous or show more affection.


Hey there is no privacy in a marriage except for the bathroom but it's his call not mine and not yours.
I love how you forget the part where she lied though if this were a man you would be all for it.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Hey there is no privacy in a marriage except for the bathroom but it's his call not mine and not yours.
> I love how you forget the part where she lied though if this were a man you would be all for it.


We don't know she lied. All we know is that the toll website didn't show the tolls. She could have gone a different route.

The opposite of privacy is transparency, not spying. His wife seems to be super transparent and leaves her phone lying around, etc.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

norajane said:


> We don't know she lied. All we know is that the toll website didn't show the tolls. She could have gone a different route.
> 
> The opposite of privacy is transparency, not spying. His wife seems to be super transparent and leaves her phone lying around, etc.


:iagree:
Right we don't know.
We will just have to agree to disagree that's all.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Wow! Some people can't read. First off, I NEVER said that getting the I love you but not in love with you speech means the spouse IS having an affair. I said that it CAN mean that, and in my case she WAS. not always but something to file away.

2nd. I preached caution, not to get to excited about what was happening, but only suggested that he should be proactive. When she ALSO was maybe not where she was suppose to be AND the uptick in sex. Enough to check it out, but not enough to call a divorce attorney. 

3rd. I get that some people would get offended that they were being spied upon, we ARE all different. But trust me, if you were to find out that your spouse was having an affair, the LAST thing you are going to do is sit back and smile "at least we had 20 good years", especially if it comes as a complete surprise with no prior warning, no prior relationship problems. I lost 18 pounds in 10 days that how much I enjoyed it. But WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT, the OP job here is to listen to all the advice, discard any and all that is not "him". Our job is to offer up what we know, based on our experience, so that he has the information he needs to figure out FOR HIM what is best to do. Take it or leave it as my suggestions go, just trying to help him increase his data base.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

norajane said:


> So a great sex life is now a cause to start snooping on your spouse and suspecting them of cheating? Welcome to TAM.
> 
> Hormones. She's hitting her sexual peak in her 30's, so enjoy it.


Could you tell my wife that? She's 35.:rofl:


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I was sure most women didn't peak sexually till some time in their 40s which is just about the time men are stating to fall off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> Sorry, but I am astonished and appalled at the level of tracking and spying that many people see to find acceptable:FIREdevil:
> 
> If my wife gets home late, I ask her if she was stuck in traffic or at work. I don't look at toll charges, GPS trackers, and traffic reports.
> ...


Richard, I had the same mindset you do when I rejoined this site last year. I originally joined up in 2008, when my ex wife left. Got the help I needed back then, and didn't come back for a few years, at which point I needed some questions answered.

I agree with you in principle - snooping and checking up on one's spouse is a slippery slope, especially when people feel the need to do it every time something even slightly changes. It's very easy to get paranoid.

But is it such a bad thing? I try to put myself in somebody else's shoes - if I found my wife was snooping around because she was suspicious of something, I'm not so sure I would be THAT upset, especially if nothing was going on, ironically enough.

I wouldn't be thrilled that she resorted to that without talking to me first, but I'd also somewhat understand why.

And basically it's this: if your partner is doing something they shouldn't be doing, they will deny, deny, deny. They will lie, and have excuses for their whereabouts. That sort of thing. You won't get the truth from a cheating spouse by asking.

Worse, you will tip them off that you suspect something is up, and they will be extra cautious going forward.

Yes, some people here are paranoid, and even if they've been burned themselves, the level of paranoia is probably still out of whack, to the point that everything could be a red flag. Red flags aren't sure signs of something wrong, but they are good indicators that something MAY be wrong. And unfortunately (and kind of sadly) increased attention to one's partner is a red flag in some cases. Many cheating spouses over compensate in areas like that, usually subconsciously and out of paranoia. Does that mean something is wrong? Absolutely not. Ironically, it could just as well mean something is RIGHT!

However, I will tell you from my own experience, had I snooped even slightly on my ex wife, I would have caught her in her affair. Would that have changed things, ultimately? No. But I would have ended up better in the divorce, and I could have held my head a little higher knowing that she didn't get away with it - which she did. I didn't find out about the OM until several months after she had already left. She managed to hide him from me until the separation papers were signed, and the divorce proceedings had started. Not to mention the last 2 years of our marriage that I had no idea about.

And I didn't do anything because I had blind trust. I had little real reason to not trust her, and she probably knew that, and thus took advantage. And that's the thing - people, even people you love, will take advantage of you if they have the inclination to. One can't assume that your partner feels exactly the same way about you as you do about them. I made the blind assumption that my ex wife would never cheat on me, that she loved and respected me the same way I did her. I made the assumption that if she felt something was missing in our relationship, she would talk to me and find a solution. Therefore I never assumed anything was wrong and that she loved me the same way I loved her.

I even had a huge red flag staring me in the face, and I didn't even think twice about it. Stupid me. I needed access to her email account one day, as the plane tickets for our vacation had been sent to her address. I always knew her password, and her mine. The password didn't work this time, so I called downstairs to her. She admitted she had changed the password, because her sister (an IT professional) suggested she change it every few months. I accepted that explanation blindly. She hovered over me while I opened up her email to get the tickets and print them. Luckily for her, there was nothing incriminating there and/or I didn't even notice if there were, after all, I wasn't looking.

Now, I know. If this scenario were to ever happen again with my current wife, you're damn right I'd spend a little extra time looking, whether she was hovering over me or not.

Had I done something as simple as check her email outbox or her cell phone, I could have spared myself the embarrassment and outright waste of about 2 years of my life, not to mention the potential financial differences catching her could have made.

I am not one for recording devices and other such tactics until it's time to confirm. To use them as a first resort, I'm not so sure about. To use them when you are certain your partner is up to no good and you simply want something concrete as proof, then sure.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Seems like a big leap just because of increased sex drive. I know that could be a symptom of cheating, but it could also point completely away from cheating.

Absent other bahaviour, not that big a red flag to me, but I can be fooled, of course.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Now she's getting overly done up with makeup before she goes out? That's red flag number 3, OP you need to regulate my friend cause there's a dude in the picture. Sounds like at least an EA maybe worse. My serial cheating ex always left her phone out unlocked. That means nothing. It's easy to delete messages or use untraceable apps. Put a GPS tracker and VAR in her car like yesterday. If after a month you find nothing, toss them and never tell her you were checking up. And DEFINITELY do not ask her what's going on. Wait until you have concrete proof. A good attorney never asks a question he doesn't already know the answer to. When you confront, you should already know she's cheating so she can't jerk you around.

Good luck.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> If after a month you find nothing, toss them and never tell her you were checking up.


So you spy on your innocent spouse, find nothing because they are innocent, and then you choose to lie, hide and deceive them by not telling them that you've been spying on them. You now are keeping secrets, have built a wall, created distance, and are actively lying and hiding something you did to your spouse. 

That seems like a crappy thing to do, and pretty damn hypocritial for those spouting complete transparency. YOU aren't being completely transparent. You become that which you revile - deceitful and secretive. Nice going.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
It is a tragic train-wreck in motion. His wife finally becomes more sexually interested in him, gets past whatever physical or mental block had been in the way of her intimacy - possibly a general lack of trust and willingness to open up.

So, rather than being incredibly happy that the missing part of his love life is back, he starts tracking and spying. He may think its secret, but every time he sees a bit of suspicious information (which could in fact be innocent), his behavior will change a bit. In return for her openness, she will sense, but not understand his distance and suspicion. 

When there is some horrible mess on the freeway and she gets home hours late, rather than asking "are you OK?", he will ask "where were you?"

She will become distant, he will become more suspicious. Eventually he will slip up and she will discover the tracking. Any hope of trust in the relationship is gone. It will be a horrible slap in the face for her - being suspected by her husband simply because she finally wanted more sex.


Is that really better than not knowing for sure if she is cheating?



Some years ago after a very long time of a relationship with minimal sex, my wife finally decided she wanted more intimacy. My reaction was to be overjoyed that whatever had been stopping her in the past was now gone. We are happy.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Hacker said:


> Well I was starting to feel better about the whole thing and maybe it was a broken transpoder. But all the Tolls just showed up and she is where she said she would be.
> 
> So what the heck happened yesterday is the question.


To be clear, it ended up that your wife did not lie after all, and the tolls showed up later than normal on the web site? I've had that happen to me where it took a few days for the tolls to show up on the website. Sounds similar to when you check out of a hotel and the CC doesn't get updated for an extra day or 2 later.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

The point I keep coming back to on these types of discussions is you can't prove a negative. You can not prove she is not having an affair. 

Say you use the VAR, the GPS tracker, the key logger, the video cameras and you come up blank. Does that mean she is not having an affair?

Maybe she is just smarter that you and circumvented all these. Or maybe she knew the heat was on and laid low for a while. Or maybe the affair partner was out of town for a few months. You could literally drive yourself nuts. 

To me if you don't trust your spouse don't stay married to them. I would rather err on the side of leaving some who perhaps was innocent then spending my life with this knawing suspicion in my gut that she is cheating on me.

I think you monitor your marriage by constantly evaluating your relationship with your spouse. If you're getting along great, having regular meaningful conversations, supporting one another, caring for one another, actually wanting to spend time together...it's very unlikely they're having an affair. If you're just existing together in the same house you have more cause for concern. But then do you really have a marriage at that point anyhow.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening MaritimeGuy
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

you put it better than I could have.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Hacker said:


> Well I was starting to feel better about the whole thing and maybe it was a broken transpoder. But all the Tolls just showed up and she is where she said she would be.
> 
> So what the heck happened yesterday is the question.


sounds like you are in the clear. 

TAM is a little "cheater" oriented. A wife suddenly having wilder sex viewed in a more normal population is NOT assumed to be cheating. So have a beer, thank the marriage gods, and be happy!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

norajane said:


> So you spy on your innocent spouse, find nothing because they are innocent, and then you choose to lie, hide and deceive them by not telling them that you've been spying on them. You now are keeping secrets, have built a wall, created distance, and are actively lying and hiding something you did to your spouse.
> 
> That seems like a crappy thing to do, and pretty damn hypocritial for those spouting complete transparency. YOU aren't being completely transparent. You become that which you revile - deceitful and secretive. Nice going.


1) Finding nothing doesn't mean they are innocent, it just means you can't proof they did anything. 

2) Other than the bathroom, there shouldn't be an expectation of privacy so it's not spying. My business is my spouses business and vice versa.

3) If your spouse asks you if you're monitoring her then no you shouldn't lie about it. I wouldn't however volunteer it as that kind of defeats the purpose of surveillance doesn't it? But if I had nothing to hide why would I get mad about it? She's more than welcome to do the same.

4) I don't advocate checking up on your spouse for the sake of doing it. This guy has three STRONG cheating red flags going on. More than enough circumstantial evidence to conduct a search. 

Is he supposed to stick his head in the sand? Ask her about it? Obviously, if it's true she'd never cop to it. No you go dark, play dumb, and do what you need to do because you deserve the truth.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I looked at her phone and she had pictures she took of a project she was working on that night in class. That confirms she was at school.

Date time stamp with geolocation on. The Toll Records are BS. She is not up to no good.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

So just to be clear on what I ought to expect if I were ever willing to re-marry:

If, as a woman, I DON'T want sex with my guy, it's because I'm clearly getting it somewhere else.

BUT:

If I DO want sex with my guy, it's because I'm clearly getting it somewhere else.

God, I love my Magic Wand more every day! :rofl:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hacker said:


> I looked at her phone and she had pictures she took of a project she was working on that night in class. That confirms she was at school.
> 
> Date time stamp with geolocation on. The Toll Records are BS. She is not up to no good.


I'm glad this worked out, but please stop snooping on your wife. You see how easily you can be misled into thinking she's a big lying liar who lies when it's not at all true. 

I hope you weren't treating her like a lying liar the last couple of days, or being distant, cold, etc.

Honestly, get off TAM. If this place has taken your good marriage with a great sex life to this suspicious, deceitful mind frame, get off TAM before it ruins your marriage. Why do people come to TAM and lock in on CWI as the place to hang out? Why not Long Term Success?


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Nothing changed, I was just overly alert. Everything seems to be going great.

I seem to be very lucky. Being a hard working Dad has paid off.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hacker said:


> Nothing changed, I was just overly alert. Everything seems to be going great.
> 
> I seem to be very lucky. Being a hard working Dad has paid off.


Good I'm glad.
Now set up a date night.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Hacker said:


> Nothing changed, I was just overly alert. Everything seems to be going great.
> 
> I seem to be very lucky. Being a hard working Dad has paid off.


Nothing wrong with being vigilant my friend. Most of us wish we were sooner, rather than later. I'm glad to hear you were able to alleviate your concerns. It's nice to have a happy ending on this forum once in a while.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Hacker said:


> I looked at her phone and she had pictures she took of a project she was working on that night in class. That confirms she was at school.
> 
> Date time stamp with geolocation on. The Toll Records are BS. She is not up to no good.


And then you went upstairs, screwed your wife's brains out, held her face in your hands and told her how lucky you are, right?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> Nothing wrong with being vigilant my friend. Most of us wish we were sooner, rather than later. I'm glad to hear you were able to alleviate your concerns. It's nice to have a happy ending on this forum once in a while.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon COGypsy
Just please remember that not all of us are like that!!

If my wife doesn't want sex, I immediately leap to the conclusion that....she doesn't want sex.

If she does want sex I will then come to the astonishing conclusion that...she does want sex, which I will provide enthusiastically.

Beyond that, I trust her, and she trusts me. 

Some years ago she found a pack of condoms in the trunk of my car. We don't use them. I'll let the suspicious sorts here decide what they think was going on.........:FIREdevil:




COGypsy said:


> So just to be clear on what I ought to expect if I were ever willing to re-marry:
> 
> If, as a woman, I DON'T want sex with my guy, it's because I'm clearly getting it somewhere else.
> 
> ...


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon COGypsy
> Just please remember that not all of us are like that!!


Thanks Richard. However, the opinions and insights expressed by the majority of men on this website has convinced me that marriage and/or cohabitation is a losing proposition no matter how you approach it. I fail to see the net value that kind of relationship would provide. I'll keep my toy chest, my BF a few neighborhoods over and my freedom over wondering when my car will be lo-jacked any day of the week


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon COGypsy
Please remember that most people in happy marriages don't feel a need to visit places like TAM. Mostly you are seeing people who have had difficulties.

There are some like myself, who are in happy marriages but who just like to hear themselves talk. I think though that the statistics of posters are heavily weighted towards people in troubled relationships, and not infrequently the poster IS the cause of that trouble.

(Note: I am not picking on any particular person).



COGypsy said:


> Thanks Richard. However, the opinions and insights expressed by the majority of men on this website has convinced me that marriage and/or cohabitation is a losing proposition no matter how you approach it. I fail to see the net value that kind of relationship would provide. I'll keep my toy chest, my BF a few neighborhoods over and my freedom over wondering when my car will be lo-jacked any day of the week


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

COGypsy said:


> Thanks Richard. However, the opinions and insights expressed by the majority of men on this website has convinced me that marriage and/or cohabitation is a losing proposition no matter how you approach it. I fail to see the net value that kind of relationship would provide. I'll keep my toy chest, my BF a few neighborhoods over and my freedom over wondering when my car will be lo-jacked any day of the week


Nothing wrong with that. 

Society seems to want us to believe we're somehow damaged if we don't want to conform to a perceived norm. I believe if more people lived their lives the way they wanted rather than they way they think they're "supposed" to live then there would be a lot less damaged people in the world.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

If anyone was interested how things are going. Things did relax a bit. But just a bit, things are still going awesome.

While the quantity did go down a little, the quality has gone up a ton compared to what it was before. But we are still doing it more then ever.


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