# Have You Ever Wanted To Do Physical Harm To The OM/OW?



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I remember once running into the OM in the restroom at a bar. It was a slow weeknight, and he was the only person in the room. The urinals were opposite the door, so he did not see me come in. I could have gutted him right there with my knife. The only thing that stopped me was the doorman working that night was a friend from hs who talked to me 20 secs earlier when I walked in. Based on being IDed and the fact that a lot of people knew that this OM was having an A with my wife, I would be the prime suspect. I decided the POSOM wasn't worth it.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

I'm ashamed to admit it, but it was the consequences and not the morality that prevented me from doing anything illegal.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I put the blame on my cheating POS Ex H over the person who didn't take any vows to me. When I first found out I took the ammo out of my handgun and put it in my safe.

No cheating POS is worth going to jail for.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> I put the blame on my cheating POS Ex H over the person who didn't take any vows to me. When I first found out I took the ammo out of my handgun and put it in my safe.
> 
> No cheating POS is worth going to jail for.


Did she know your exH was married? If yes then she needed to feel some pain over her decision/behavior.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> I'm ashamed to admit it, but it was the consequences and not the morality that prevented me from doing anything illegal.


I feel the same way, except for one thing. I'm not ashamed to admit it.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> Did she know your exH was married? If yes then she needed to feel some pain over her decision/behavior.


Yes, she knew full well he was married. She "specializes" in wealthy married men, she had a fiancé I informed him of the affair and he dumped her and did the work of outing her to family and friends. I didn't feel the need to cause her pain. Heck after my divorce settlement I wanted to send her flowers. She "offered" but he didn't have to accept. She showed me I was married to a liar and a cheat.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Nah! I had too much of value in my life than to pay for taking my XWW's lowlife OM. But ironically, someone else later on did do the deed.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

There's no OM in our picture, but if there was, I'd hit him for being a dumbass for getting involved with woman who's a mental midget. After that, I'd buy him drinks for taking her off of my hands.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Two people are alive right now because it is illegal to kill them.

I'm with Kristin to the extent that if I could choose only one of them, it would be my STBX, except that he is my son's father, so on second thought, I'd choose her.

She knew he was still married and knew he has a school age child when they started the affair. I'm pretty sure he lied to her about the state of our marriage at that time, though, saying we were already separated when we weren't, that I gave him a free pass to have an open marriage when I didn't, etc. He told those lies to longtime friends of ours who also know her, so why not her, too?

Still, I hate her and wish she would disappear, because he is replacing me with her, and accounts of her from people who've met her are not favorable. I wouldn't want to be the cause of her demise, but I certainly wouldn't mourn it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yes.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Yes. I ruminated many times over a few month period about getting in my car, driving the 275 miles to OM, confronting him outside his house on his front lawn
and beating the livin &%$# out of him. I sized him up to figure out if I could take him. I came real close a few times to doing it, but better judgment won out over rage.

looking back, i'm glad it did. There could have been lots of bad stuff that could have come out of that. Now, i've moved on. that's only a bad memory.


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## TrustlostHearbroken (Jun 22, 2015)

As much as I wanted to, I put the blame all to my WW. I hate the other OM'S but they weren't the ones who betrayed me. Now if I was ever face to face with them. Hmmm. Not sure if I would be able stop myself from wanting to punch them in their face. To me they are disgusting pieces of ****s for knowing that they were destroying a family.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

This is the thing. I may someday have to meet her. Hopefully if I ever do, by the time that happens, I really won't care about what he does and with whom at all anymore, and will be more inclined to thank her for taking him off my hands than to punch her right in her face, which is what I would feel like doing if I saw her right now.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> Did she know your exH was married? If yes then she needed to feel some pain over her decision/behavior.


Did your wife know she was married? If it wasn't this guy it would of been someone else. Believe that, he was just a tool. 

Your wife is a serial cheater. Those kind of people are always on the prowl to cheat before they even choose the walking dildo they want to hump.

I'll never understand the fixation of anger on the AP but not the WS. I mean if you can get revenge on the AP by all means, but the real problem is the one who said, "I do".


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Usually the women blame their cheating husbands. Men, on the other hand, want to put the blame on the OM. Not surprised. Women are smarter than we are.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I briefly thought about it but he's just not worth going to jail over.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

At the time, no. But later I wished I'd have smashed his face in.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Never! It was my rich, skanky XW who had made her public vows to me before God, the clergy and to man and then cheated and lied ~ not her lardass BF.

The only thing that L'il Lord Lardass might have even remotely owed to me was this: knowing that she was my legitimate wife, he could have simply had the honor and respect for the very marriage itself instead of his visualizing it as little more than a loose piece of trim that he could conveniently slam in order to get his rocks off!

But that call had already been long before initiated by her ~ and not him! He was just a willing participant being given a gift! She was the liar and the uncaring traitor! Not him!*


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> Usually the women blame their cheating husbands. Men, on the other hand, want to put the blame on the OM. Not surprised. *Women are smarter than we are*.


Very true until they fall in love and develop a bad case of the stupids like us guys.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Not only did I wish it, I inflicted it. Not particularly proud of it, but certainly not ashamed of it either.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

3putt said:


> Not only did I wish it, I inflicted it. Not particularly proud of it, but certainly not ashamed of it either.


If not for words and phrases like "premeditated" and "with malice aforethought", I'd have likely done the same.

_Twice._


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> If not for words and phrases like "premeditated" and "with malice aforethought", I'd have likely done the same.
> 
> _Twice._


Well, words like 'crimes of passion' come into play around here in the Deep South as well. But I didn't think about any of that to be honest. 

When I went off, I was tunnel visioned and simply didn't give a sh!t. You screw me over like this and there's a price to pay. It's simply who and what I am. I think I knew this guy wouldn't do anything out of fear of making it worse for himself if he did (and it probably would've been knowing me...). But who really knows. I gambled and got away with it.

While I would never recommend or advise doing this, I would certainly never condemn a man for it either.

No way.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

3putt said:


> Well, words like 'crimes of passion' come into play around here in the Deep South as well. But I didn't think about any of that to be honest.
> 
> When I went off, I was tunnel visioned and simply didn't give a sh!t. You screw me over like this and there's a price to pay. It's simply who and what I am. I think I knew this guy wouldn't do anything out of fear of making it worse for himself if he did (and it probably would've been knowing me...). But who really knows. I gambled and got away with it.
> 
> ...


See, that's the problem... I'd have needed a passport, plane tickets, and a couple of rental cars. Between that and all of the actual travel involved, there's no way I'd have been able to claim that beating in a couple of faces w/ the business end of a framing hammer would've anything but somewhat well-planned.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

*Wanted * to? Why yes I did. Would I have? No, not unless the POS would have provoked me in some way, which I secretly prayed for, but of course I never could have gotten that lucky. So he still has all his teeth and I'm not in jail. :frown2:


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> See, that's the problem... I'd have needed a passport, plane tickets, and a couple of rental cars. Between that and all of the actual travel involved, there's no way I'd have been able to claim that beating in a couple of faces w/ the business end of a framing hammer would've anything but somewhat well-planned.


LOL...I get where you're coming from. I don't think that far ahead though. I just react. I sometimes wish I weren't that way, but there are other times when I wouldn't have it any other way. I just don't take any sh!t I don't have coming to me.

Again, that's just me. I know it sounds animalistic, but, believe me, you have to really fvck me over to get that deep into my dark place.

Infidelity is the only thing to date that has reached that place. 

It's a scary place to be to be honest.


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## BBF (May 21, 2015)

I suspected my wife of 20 years had the hots for the choir director of the Presbyterian community church we attended. He also led the local community chorale group. A SAHM, she eventually had two nights a week chorale practice and one choir plus Sunday. 

I'd been hunting and had killed a 250- pound black bear. Took a picture of it...gutted, hung and skinned. If you've never seen one, looks just like a man. 

Dropped by the church office and left an envelope for Bruce the choir director with a picture of the gutted/skinned bear. 

Her singing avocation changed abruptly. 

In the end, however, made no difference. We grew apart.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Yeah, I thought of harming the OM, after all he knew both me and my wife. While OM did not take vows to me he knew she was married, and I believe that deserves a severe beating. I'm talking minimum one week hospital stay beating. But a rational thought came to my mind of what I could lose, career, pension, and an arrest. While I still struggle with what I should have done to OM, I realized that infidelity has no justice. This is also a struggle to me, I'm entitled to justice, but it will forever escape me. 

So for now I am content to wait, and then the age old saying comes to mind, every dog has his day. I'm not an advocate for violence, in fact I normally preach against it, but I see this as protecting ones family from a predator.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Why would you go after they OM/OW? They didn't cheat on you...


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

3putt said:


> LOL...I get where you're coming from. I don't think that far ahead though. I just react. I sometimes wish I weren't that way, but there are other times when I wouldn't have it any other way. I just don't take any sh!t I don't have coming to me.
> 
> Again, that's just me. I know it sounds animalistic, but, believe me, you have to really fvck me over to get that deep into my dark place.
> 
> ...


and lucky you are not in jail for visiting that scary place. We all have the capacity for such violence. Thoughts of such things are natural in these situations. It is actions that get us in trouble.

Some may argue it was the actions of the OM/W that was the cause of the beating or other physical violence done to them. But that is the old eye for an eye mentality and justification that is pretty much been left behind as historical artifact in modern times. There are places in the world still where a thief may lose a hand but those places are hardly recognized as either modern or enlightened.

It doesn't mean the offending OM/W should have a free walk for their behavior but there are other ways to achieve that without a punch in the mouth. Not that fantasies of that punch may be a comforting thought at a certain stage for the betrayed one.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> Why would you go after they OM/OW? They didn't cheat on you...


Because they were 50% of the infidelity equation? Your question seems like such a milquetoast response to someone who is attacking your family and marriage.

If you're on an outing with your family and a man (or animal for that matter) approaches you and your family with intent to harm, would you not do all that is possible to protect your family? 

Yet, the same man comes in and rips your marriage and family apart from the inside out via infidelity, but he now deserves a free pass from consequences simply because you weren't married to him?

I'll never understand this line of reasoning.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

3putt said:


> Because they were 50% of the infidelity equation? Your question seems like such a milquetoast response to someone who is attacking your family and marriage.
> 
> If you're on an outing with your family and a man (or animal for that matter) approaches you and your family with intent to harm, would you not do all that is possible to protect your family?
> 
> ...


whoa, I was more or less with you until this analogy. The bear attack is an uninvited attack by one on the family as a cohesive unit. An affair takes two to play so unless there was some sort of coercion guilt is on both parties. Further, in matter of relationships, it is not so black and white as some intruder attacking. Affairs take place for many reasons and with the willing straying partner. Too simplistic to make it out like the family castle is being attacked by some uninvited outsider.

Is the wronged wife of the OM justified in beating the crap out of your wandering wife for "invading" her home?


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Why would you go after they OM/OW? They didn't cheat on you...


Ever heard of "tortious interference"? In a civilized society we should be able to expect that other people will honor our marital contracts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Maneo said:


> whoa, I was more or less with you until this analogy. The bear attack is an uninvited attack by one on the family as a cohesive unit. An affair takes two to play so unless there was some sort of coercion guilt is on both parties. Further, in matter of relationships, it is not so black and white as some intruder attacking. Affairs take place for many reasons and with the willing straying partner. Too simplistic to make it out like the family castle is being attacked by some uninvited outsider.
> 
> Is the wronged wife of the OM justified in beating the crap out of your wandering wife for "invading" her home?


Yeah, she is justified if that's her flavor. Absolutely! 

As far as the rest goes, just keep on believing that. I can tell you one thing for sure though: No woman will *ever* respect a man that just stands around and yells 'Ole!' as another man is allowed to just sweep his entire family out from under him without some kind of fight.

You're a fool to think otherwise.


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

FWW finally admitted that she had told him she was married but that I was dying. SOB only lasted 10 months after getting together with my wife and died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. I didn't die, but would have liked to have confronted him but never got the chance. The affair was cooling off but I will never know if my FWW would have ended it like she says she was. I do fantasize about things I would have liked to have done to the POS.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

unblinded said:


> Why would you go after they OM/OW? They didn't cheat on you...


* I severely beg to differ! Ever heard of the closing line in the traditional wedding vows said by the officiant to those in attendance:

"What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

I really feel that in time, those very same wanton home wreckers will have the unfettered opportunity to explain what they did, as well as why, to the Creator!*


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yes, of course, but only in fantasy land. Violence doesn't solve anything.

That, and it'd be ridiculously embarrassing to get my a** whupped if the OM knew how to fight! I had already been emasculated once by him, no need to take the risk of having it done again


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> Because they were 50% of the infidelity equation? Your question seems like such a milquetoast response to someone who is attacking your family and marriage.
> 
> If you're on an outing with your family and a man (or animal for that matter) approaches you and your family with intent to harm, would you not do all that is possible to protect your family?
> 
> ...


That is the biggest load of horse crap I have ever seen on this site. Your cheating spouse is 100% responsible for their role in the infidelity.

And did you seriously just compare an affair to an unprovoked attack by an animal? Do you have the slightest clue of how illogical that comparison is? :slap:


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> * I severely beg to differ! Ever heard of the closing line in the traditional wedding vows said by the officiant to those in attendance:
> 
> "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
> 
> I really feel that in time, those very same wanton home wreckers will have the unfettered opportunity to explain what they did, as well as why, to the Creator!*


You do realize it is the cheating spouse putting the union asunder, right?


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

betrayed16 said:


> Ever heard of "tortious interference"? In a civilized society we should be able to expect that other people will honor our marital contracts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good luck winning that suit. Unless you can prove the OM/OW slept with your spouse with the sole intent of breaking up your marriage, you have a snowball's chance with that argument.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> That is the biggest load of horse crap I have ever seen on this site. Your cheating spouse is 100% responsible for their role in the infidelity.
> 
> And did you seriously just compare an affair to an unprovoked attack by an animal? Do you have the slightest clue of how illogical that comparison is? :slap:


What the hell is illogical about protecting your family and marriage from whatever outside influence invades it? You conveniently left out the OM part and focused on the animal part of it (which was added as an aside threat as an example, hence the parentheses). What a convenient omission. 

*Your* statement and position is the biggest load of horsesh!t I've ever seen.

Jesus, what happened to men's balls in this country?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Good luck winning that suit. Unless you can prove the OM/OW slept with your spouse with the sole intent of breaking up your marriage, you have a snowball's chance with that argument.


FWIW, some states do still have "Alienation of Affection" statutes still on the books.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> What the hell is illogical about protecting your family and marriage from whatever outside influence invades it? You conveniently left out the OM part and focused on the animal part of it (which was added as an aside threat as an example, hence the parentheses). What a convenient omission.
> 
> *Your* statement and position is the biggest load of horsesh!t I've ever seen.
> 
> Jesus, what happened to men's balls in this country?


"Outside influence"? Are you worried about your wife being kidnapped by pirates? Your assertion of a person externally breaking up your marriage only works if your spouse was forced into a relationship. That's not infidelity...it is kidnapping and/or rape. Your analogy was garbage from start to finish.

You're asking about balls... I want to know where the reason (I.e., common sense) has gone.

If you want to go after the AP, then have at...but unless you're doing equal or greater damage to your spouse, I fail to see the point.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> FWIW, some states do still have "Alienation of Affection" statutes still on the books.


Again, good luck winning that suit.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Again, good luck winning that suit.


Eh, I'm sure it's happened before. You might not even have to prove intent.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Yes, but in my wildest fantasies I would do things MUCH much worse than physical harm.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

unblinded said:


> "Outside influence"? Are you worried about your wife being kidnapped by pirates? Your assertion of a person externally breaking up your marriage only works if your spouse was forced into a relationship. That's not infidelity...it is kidnapping and/or rape. Your analogy was garbage from start to finish.
> 
> You're asking about balls... I want to know where the reason (I.e., common sense) has gone.
> 
> If you want to go after the AP, then have at...but unless you're doing equal or greater damage to your spouse, I fail to see the point.


I agree in general with your opinion but some have a much different view of the world. That view appears to include little in the way of either common sense or rationality dealing with these emotional issues. After trying a couple times I tend to leave those folks in their own little world for eventually, and usually sooner than later, the real world will heap plenty of grief on them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

unblinded said:


> arbitrator said:
> 
> 
> > * I severely beg to differ! Ever heard of the closing line in the traditional wedding vows said by the officiant to those in attendance:
> ...


* Then under that premise, if an unencumbered man is actively "hitting on" a married woman and in the process of things, successfully "beds her," then he would be totally justified in his baiting actions and she, conversely, would be the only guilty party to the foray!

Seems highly illogical, wouldn't you agree?

In the context of the Book of Mark(KJV)10:9, "What therefore God hath joined together, let  no man put asunder."

In many standing biblical interpretations, the prepositional phrase to "put asunder" preeminently means to "let no man separate". i. e. NIV, et. al.

That largely means(1) the bride, (2) the groom, or (3) any other interested or uninterested third parties!*


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Maneo said:


> unblinded said:
> 
> 
> > "Outside influence"? Are you worried about your wife being kidnapped by pirates? Your assertion of a person externally breaking up your marriage only works if your spouse was forced into a relationship. That's not infidelity...it is kidnapping and/or rape. Your analogy was garbage from start to finish.
> ...


Agreed. 

You can't reason with willfully ignorant people.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> * Then under that premise, if an unencumbered man is actively "hitting on" a married woman and in the process of things, successfully "beds her," then he would be totally justified in his baiting actions and she, conversely, would be the only guilty party to the foray!
> 
> Seems highly illogical, wouldn't you agree?
> 
> ...


Since the spouse has free will, I still fail to see how it's the OM's/OW's fault.

Further, I find it particularly disturbing that men on this board view their wives as little more than sex dolls who are incapable of discerning right from wrong (WRT infidelity).


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> "Outside influence"? Are you worried about your wife being kidnapped by pirates? Your assertion of a person externally breaking up your marriage only works if your spouse was forced into a relationship. That's not infidelity...it is kidnapping and/or rape. Your analogy was garbage from start to finish.
> 
> You're asking about balls... I want to know where the reason (I.e., common sense) has gone.
> 
> If you want to go after the AP, then have at...but unless you're doing equal or greater damage to your spouse, I fail to see the point.


I did. I kicked his ass and kicked hers out. I guess you would just buy them both lunch and wish them well, huh? LOL

How impressively masculine.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> I did. I kicked his ass and kicked hers out. I guess you would just buy them both lunch and wish them well, huh? LOL


You completely missed every possible point...but I'm not surprised. 



3putt said:


> How impressively masculine.


Did you just throw manhood out there? Wow...that's just sad.

BTW, you're still wrong.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> You completely missed every possible point...but I'm not surprised.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I didn't miss anything.....LOL. I am who I am, and if someone fvcks with me, there's a price to pay. It's that simple.

Sir Edmund Burke put it best:

_The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing._

I can't believe this level of apathy from you and Maneo. Absolutely incredible.

But that's your prerogative I suppose.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Nomorebeans said:


> This is the thing. I may someday have to meet her. Hopefully if I ever do, by the time that happens, I really won't care about what he does and with whom at all anymore, and will be more inclined to thank her for taking him off my hands than to punch her right in her face, which is what I would feel like doing if I saw her right now.


Just look her top to bottom and say "hmmm, I see he downgraded" and walk away.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> unblinded said:
> 
> 
> > You completely missed every possible point...but I'm not surprised.
> ...


What you consider "apathy" is actually 'reason'...but I get that you don't know the difference. 

I believe in holding people accountable for their actions. It's that simple. 

And you're still wrong.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> What you consider "apathy" is actually 'reason'...but I get that you don't know the difference.
> 
> I believe in holding people accountable for their actions. It's that simple.
> 
> And you're still wrong.


LOL...whatever, man. You live the way you want, and I'll do the same. I'm quite sure I couldn't look myself in the mirror doing it your way though.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

unblinded said:


> I believe in holding people accountable for their actions. It's that simple.
> 
> And you're still wrong.


Unless they're the person that willfully engaged in committing adultery with your spouse, right?

Obviously, you don't think there's anything wrong with that, but others might. Yet, you're unable to accept that anyone but you is entitled to their opinion and right to handle their affairs as they desire. You just gotta be right, and everyone else is wrong. Notice that you're a one man army here.

To you, a man punching out another man that has screwed his wife is minimizing the wife as only a "sex toy"? To me, its viewing her as a wife to be protected. Believe it or not, there really are predatory slick operators out there that take this up as a sport. *They* are the people who view women as a "sex toy". Yet they deserve no consequences? Its a sad, weak world when people idly stand by and accept and allow others to run over them.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Good luck winning that suit. Unless you can prove the OM/OW slept with your spouse with the sole intent of breaking up your marriage, you have a snowball's chance with that argument.


Actually, in some states it's very easy to win that suit. It's called "alienation of affection." Some have been awarded millions. In most cases no damages are awarded, but it does run the AP off.

That was not my point, though. The point was to show that we do expect third parties to honor agreements (even in business). And that's the way it should be in a civilized society.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

My WW infidelity was a horrible act to my marriage, I am fifty percent to blame for the marital problems. Therefore, my WW and OM are both fifty percent to blame for the affair. My WW is one hundred percent to blame for the affair to my marriage as OM is to his marriage. So I view it as the OM, who without a doubt knew my WW was married, deserves a beating for invading my family. Before you jump the gun here I also understand my WW ACCEPTED those advances. However, don't for one second apply any of your misguided analogy that the OM doesn't deserve consequences. 

Affairs happen for many reasons, consequences come in many forms, but I find it very difficult to tell a BS they don't deserve justice. But this is what the argument really is, isn't it? That there is no justice for the BS. Even if you beat the OM/OW, is that really justice? In a months time they've healed and live normally but the BS is still in pain, still reeling from those horrible actions. As for the alienation of affection lawsuit, yeah, look that up, barely any punishment or monetary awards given. In fact lawyers will rarely touch that without concrete proof of infidelity. 

I am a Christian man, but provoked enough and I will take an offensive charge. My OM deserves consequences, and in my opinion from many people not just myself. My WW deserves the same consequences as the OM, WW blew up not only her marriage but also the OM's. Both my WW and OM made a terrible choice, a choice that comes with consequences, and I don't know for how long those consequences will come. I can't predict the future, but I imagine my WW and OM will receive consequences until they die.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Anyone who rationally will roll the dice at jeopardizing their future as well as their personal freedom, chiefly in order to commit "hari-kari" on the OP's person, places a far greater priority on their own pride much rather than their livelihood.

Many years ago, adultery was a prosecutable offense in most all of our states punishable by heavy fines and hard time. But its presence became so prevalent in society, that most states elected to take it off of the books. It's even reached reached the point that "no-fault" divorce laws have all but infiltrated all of our state family laws by the state legislators and judiciary who absolutely don't want to have to deal with it any longer!

So if a wife/husband elects to cheat, all that the BS can do is largely seek "vigilante justice" against the affair partner rather than shell out mega-bucks to lawyers to file an alienation-of-affection lawsuit against them, which rarely ever yields a desirable result, thus causing the BS to throw good money after bad money to the lawyers who will readily prostitute themselves to make another easy buck!*


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

yes


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

unblinded said:


> Why would you go after they OM/OW? They didn't cheat on you...


You've got everyone so inflamed over this statement that the valid point you tried to make below is completely overshadowed.

Look that's a personal decision. My mentality was my ex willingly spread her legs for this guy so he can have her. She's trash to me now not worth getting a hang nail over much less a fist fight or jail time. I put her to the curb where she belongs and found a hotter girl to replace her. Done.

Now don't be surprised however if operating as a POS. Knowing you are going after another man's wife, knowing that it will probably piss him off, that he comes around and beats your a$$. That's just the inherent risk of being a POS and no one owes you any civility if you decide to act like an animal.

Now, had this guy sexually assaulted my ex against her will then the cops had better have found him before I did but that wasn't the case.



unblinded said:


> If you want to go after the AP, then have at...but unless you're doing equal or greater damage to your spouse, I fail to see the point.


That's my opinion too. Don't "blame" the OM for ruining your marriage. Blame the BOTH of them. Too many spouses get off with a slap on the wrist when the OM gets vilified. You should frankly, go after both of them (your spouse obviously nonviolently, AP however you want) and if she sticks around after you blow her sh!t up then you can decide whether you want to take her back.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Infidelity is at epidemic levels in the US and many other countries. Of course the cheating spouse shoulders the primary blame to their own spouse. But how much less cheating would occur if more potential OM/OW's truly feared reprisal for not just breaking up their own marriage/family, but from the BS of the other family. Perhaps they'd be more likely to think twice about the possible consequences - before they decided it's no big deal to be a home wrecker.

My perspective as a married man, is that no matter how I decide to deal with my own WW; my goal will be for that POSOM to regret choosing *MY* wife, *MY* family. For the most part, I think I've accomplished that; but damn those pesky criminal laws.


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## badaboom (Feb 19, 2015)

I put it at 75-25 blame. My husband sought out the OW, started talking to her. However, she very deliberately played him - made him think that she cared about our marriage, while alternating those conversations with increasingly suggestive and eventually sexually explicit ones. She's good, I'll give her that. And he's an idiot and a jerk. They're both bad people, but like others have said, she didn't make vows to me, he did. It would, of course, be nice if other people just plain honored the sanctity of all marriages, but that's apparently not the world we live in. She did make vows to her own husband, but that's not my problem. I told him, but they're divorced now anyway. How fortunate for my WH.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> LOL...whatever, man. You live the way you want, and I'll do the same. I'm quite sure I couldn't look myself in the mirror doing it your way though.


Agreed. 

I'll keep holding people accountable, while you keep chasing bogeymen.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Forest said:


> Unless they're the person that willfully engaged in committing adultery with your spouse, right?


Uh...what? Do you know that when you make a vow to your wife, the rest of the world is not there with you. The *spouses* are responsible for protecting their marriage. If one decides to go outside of the relationship, it is that person's responsibility. No one is excusing the other party, but that person *IS NOT* responsible for your marriage.



Forest said:


> Obviously, you don't think there's anything wrong with that, but others might. Yet, you're unable to accept that anyone but you is entitled to their opinion and right to handle their affairs as they desire. You just gotta be right, and everyone else is wrong. *Notice that you're a one man army here.*


The error you're making here is equating popular opinion with the correct course of action. Beyond that, I refer you to my previous statement (i.e., the spouses are responsible for their marriage, and any assertion to the contrary is wrong).



Forest said:


> To you, a man punching out another man that has screwed his wife is minimizing the wife as only a "sex toy"? To me, its viewing her as a wife to be protected.


Your assessment of my earlier comment is incorrect. The minimization occurs when folks assert that the OM is solely responsible for an affair, and the wife was 'just there' needing to be protected from an extramarital fling.



Forest said:


> Believe it or not, there really are predatory slick operators out there that take this up as a sport. *They* are the people who view women as a "sex toy". Yet they deserve no consequences? Its a sad, weak world when people idly stand by and accept and allow others to run over them.


No...what's weak is when people can't discern between holding someone accountable and seeking revenge against the person their significant other gave themselves to.

Beating--heck even killing-- the OM/OW will not change the fact that the spouse is the betrayer. Unfortunately, it appears several of the posters here are incapable of objectively viewing the situation.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

betrayed16 said:


> *Actually, in some states it's very easy to win that suit. It's called "alienation of affection." Some have been awarded millions.* In most cases no damages are awarded, but it does run the AP off.
> 
> That was not my point, though. The point was to show that we do expect third parties to honor agreements (even in business). And that's the way it should be in a civilized society.


Can you cite those cases?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> Agreed.
> 
> I'll keep holding people accountable, while you keep chasing bogeymen.


Right, everyone but the OM, that is. Selective accountability. How convenient.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> Can you cite those cases?


Wife Wins $9 Million From Husband's Alleged Mistress - ABC News


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

3putt said:


> unblinded said:
> 
> 
> > Can you cite those cases?
> ...


* Regarding the NC "alienation of affection" lawsuit Shackleford v. Lundquist, a subsequent appeal by the defendant to the NC State Court of Appeals was unanimously ruled in favor of the plaintiff with no judicial error found in the 2009 civil trial.

Looks as if the defendant has thrown good money after bad money in trying to hold on to the $9 Mil jury verdict award.

I take it that the appeal has by now been elevated on up to the NC Supreme Court with a judgement bond duly posted and processed!*


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

In my case the OW Came into my life when she started screwing my H calling me up asking me if he enjoyed his :FISHING TRIP" Pretending to be my new best friend, So Yes I daydream all the time about beating her teeth down her throat. 

I haven't run across her yet. I just hope when I do enough time has passed that I can just walk past her, But if not it would be worth going to jail for. It's hard to let somebody spit in your face & just walk away. I think it depends on the circumstances in each case.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Can you cite those cases?


Look up "alienation of affection" it's not that hard. You don't even have to prove a sexual relationship. 

My point remains, in a civilized society, third parties are and should be expected to honor agreements to which they are not a party. We expect that in business, and in some states it is still expected in marriage. Going after a married person with full knowledge that they are married is a despicable action. Being married and going outside the marriage is also despicable. Both parties in adultery are immoral.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm saddened that so many people would think murder is an appropriate response to infidelity.

There are very few crimes that I think deserve death - maybe murder, maybe rape or torture, but that is about it. I just cannot think that infidelity is in that category - that sounds like the sort of think I would expect from Sharia law or something similar. 

Sure, adultery is bad, but really is it that bad? Divorce - sure. Never speaking to either of them again - sure. But death?

Something like half of all people have committed adultery - do they really deserve to die? 


Maybe people are just exaggerating to express their anger.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I'm saddened that so many people would think murder is an appropriate response to infidelity.
> 
> There are very few crimes that I think deserve death - maybe murder, maybe rape or torture, but that is about it. I just cannot think that infidelity is in that category - that sounds like the sort of think I would expect from Sharia law or something similar.
> ...


Did I miss something? I've been following this thread, but I haven't seen anyone here advocate murder.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> unblinded said:
> 
> 
> > Can you cite those cases?
> ...


* That should be "all contributory parties" to the act of infidelity are guilty through, either their active participation in the illicit event itself, or through their knowledge of and active support of it by simply being a confidante to one of the cheating parties and then not relating anything about it to the BS!*


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## TrustlostHearbroken (Jun 22, 2015)

Maybe murder is a bit too much. But beating the sh!t out of the OM/OW is a natural reaction. 

They say when someone finds out that their spouse committed infedelity. You go through the same stages as mourning a death. Which makes sense because the person you used to know dies along with what you thought you both had. The pain is something that cannot be described. Probably the worse pain anyone can feel emotionally. 

There was a person at work that messed with a married woman. When the husband found out, he went to my Co worker's home and shot him a couple times then shot himself in the head. Now this Co worker is forever paralyzed. Would I ever do something like that? Hell no!!! Never!!! But at the same time, in a way I can understand why that husband went that far to do what he did.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Of course I wanted to hurt the OMs (plural). And in 2 cases I managed to inflict some pain via exposure as they were married. I have too much to lose to do anything illegal. So, that stayed my hand on tracking down the 2 single guys and beating them. I'd rather have a job and custody of my kids.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I'm saddened that so many people would think murder is an appropriate response to infidelity.
> 
> Something like half of all people have committed adultery - do they really deserve to die?


Limiting the discussion to POSOMs; I would say a vast majority of them certainly don't deserve that. That said; I've been posting on TAM for a few years now. In all the threads I've read that described various POSOM's actions, I've not read any that comes close to the one I dealt with. It's something that you'd have to experience to understand.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My wife cheated and the marriage ended. The OM knew where I was working (I was self employed at the time) and he showed up and told me he wouldn't come between me and my daughter. I told him to worry about his own wife and kids because my daughter knew who her dad was and that if she ran around on me, she'll do the same to him. Pay back will be a b--ch. He wasn't happy that I told him off so he ups the ante.

Hey worked as a township employee road crew and after I told him he would show up where I was working with his buddies and they would make jokes and try to get me pissed. I wasn't a happy camper and a few months later I got a call from a lady who wouldn't give me her name but was pumping me for questions about my ex wife. Finally told her that if she didn't tell me who she was then I would hang up. Here it's the OM wife. We met that afternoon and talked. Exchanged phone numbers in case there were more questions. 

One day we met for coffee. I told her that her idiot husband was showing up on my job site and he and his buddies were having a laugh at my expense. She wasn't happy about that. Then a week later we had lunch, then again. Then she came over to my house. One thing led to another and I was in bed with her. This happened three more times before we called it off. I didn't want her to get in trouble. There were kids involved. We stopped but remained friends.

One day he shows up at my site and he tells his buddies that I said that so far I talked a good story and there isn't any payback he saw. I looked at him, pasted a smile on my face and said,"____. What can I say. Your the better man. I know when I met my match." He thought it was great. I wanted to tell him about that sweet little tattoo on her bottom that can only be seen if she is naked and say, "By the way that tattoo your wife has is really sexy" but I kept my mouth shut and to this day, he thinks he got over on me and has no idea what happened between me and her.

By the way. Couple months later he goes to my ex's house without letting her know and lo and be hold ther she is with the new love in her life. I can't believe that this twit had the balls to come to my job site and try to cry on my shoulder. I just looked at him and said, "I told you dude but you wouldn't listen". 

One thing. I WOULD NOT advise anyone doing what I did. It was really stupid and in reality dangerous because I didn't know how he would react if he found out. Wouldn't matter if he was running around but if another guy messes with his wife, all bets are off so DON'T DO IT. Stay safe and stay alive.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Lot's of good stories here. I can see that many wanted to impose some physical harm, but didn't actually do it. Which is probably a good thing.

My story ended on a good note. I had both a phone and a face to face chat (at his apartment lobby), so he understood that I knew where to find him. I informed him that contrary to what bullsh_t he had heard from my WW, that we were now trying to repair our marriage and that he needed to stop his involvement.

He stated that he was a very reluctant participant and that it was only EA. I had followed her before and knew that she would go to his place late at night. I asked him if she had a key, and he said no. Too simple, I told him. If she calls, don't answer the phone, if she still comes over, don't open the door. He agreed and it must have worked because for the next week she was pissed at me, accusing me of interfering in her life and causing great distress. I even heard later that she had been first calling relentlessly, then came over and was pounding on his door. She even got naked in the hallway and promised untold sexual favors but he still didnt open the door. 

That let me know that I had achieved the desired outcome and that it was a PA. What 20 something single guy is gonna pass up some hot naked ass unless he has already tasted the juice?

Soon after he moved away for a job change. It still would have been nice to blast him in the face a couple of times. And I probably would have if he didn't agree to my "advice" when we talked.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Yes, and I did get a few licks in when I walked in on ExH and OW in bed together. My ExH grabbed me and held me back from beating the crap out of her. I do blame my ExH more than the OW but seeing them like that made me go after her as she was jumping up and down trying to get her jeans back on. That scene is one I will never forget. 

ExH is still with her so I will probably see her again at some point. I see her now just not up close. She is next door at my Ex MIL's house often. When our son got married last year ExH took my advise and told her to stay away from me. I can't stand either one of them. If I do see OW up close now I will just thank her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Nope. Don't even really know much about the guy and don't ever care too. I hold all anger and distain toward my x wife who cheated. She was the one who made vows and promises to me. Not the guy I never met


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## antechomai (Oct 4, 2013)

Physically hurt him... No.

But I did tell the pastor of my church a few simple words after telling him to sit down on his front steps.

"You claim the congregation is the body of Christ on earth, and I am part of that body. You cannot minister to me, and yet I am part of that body. If you can't minister to me, you cannot minister to your congregation."

He was gone the next week and defrocked.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

6301 said:


> One day we met for coffee. I told her that her idiot husband was showing up on my job site and he and his buddies were having a laugh at my expense. She wasn't happy about that. Then a week later we had lunch, then again. Then she came over to my house. One thing led to another and I was in bed with her. This happened three more times before we called it off. I didn't want her to get in trouble.


Now that beats the hell out of beating his azz. You shouldn't have let her go. But good you didn't tell him about the tattoo. Hurting him by huritng her is not where its at. You did good my man.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

6301 said:


> Hey worked as a township employee road crew and after I told him he would show up where I was working with his buddies and they would make jokes and try to get me pissed. I wasn't a happy camper and a few months later I got a call from a lady who wouldn't give me her name but was pumping me for questions about my ex wife. Finally told her that if she didn't tell me who she was then I would hang up. Here it's the OM wife. We met that afternoon and talked. Exchanged phone numbers in case there were more questions.
> 
> One day we met for coffee. I told her that her idiot husband was showing up on my job site and he and his buddies were having a laugh at my expense. She wasn't happy about that. Then a week later we had lunch, then again. Then she came over to my house. One thing led to another and I was in bed with her. This happened three more times before we called it off. I didn't want her to get in trouble. There were kids involved. We stopped but remained friends.
> 
> One day he shows up at my site and he tells his buddies that I said that so far I talked a good story and there isn't any payback he saw. I looked at him, pasted a smile on my face and said,"____. What can I say. Your the better man. I know when I met my match." He thought it was great. I wanted to tell him about that sweet little tattoo on her bottom that can only be seen if she is naked and say, "By the way that tattoo your wife has is really sexy" but I kept my mouth shut and to this day, he thinks he got over on me and has no idea what happened between me and her.


Good story... I don't think I could of held back telling him I boned his wife after what he did to you. You're a better person then me.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

I thought about it several times a day.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

unblinded said:


> The error you're making here is equating popular opinion with the correct course of action.
> 
> 
> 
> Your assessment of my earlier comment is incorrect.




Now there's a surprise, more the same. You're right, everyone else is wrong. What a tired refrain from some cringing other-world of limp acceptance.

Meanwhile, in the real world: Men don't put up with OM touching their wives.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I voluntarily turned in my guns for 8 months to protect myself from any accusations from my Ex wife or the other man.. 

But I sure did dream about it a lot.. 

I thought about hurting my Ex, Him, Myself.. So many things went through my head..

Happy to say therapy works.. 
Today I want her to live a LONG ( at least till 63 when child support ends for my kids ) and HEALTHY life so she has no excuse to pay me child support.. 

It's normal to have these thoughts.. We are humans and not robots.. People are killing other people over a thing called religion.. Why wouldn't you want to kill someone who is fvcking your spouse..


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## pauslon (Nov 27, 2013)

yep.. thought (still think) about it. The only thing that really prevents me are my kids. He11, I probably wouldn't be trying to reconcile right now if it weren't for them.. some think that is a cop out for facing my reality or excuse, but it's when I feel like absolute $hit, and want to destroy my marriage and or the OM, I think of my kids. She did a selfish act and gambled our family, if I were to get into an altercation with the OM my temper once released may not be contained, and I may be sitting in 6x8 for rest of my life, that would be selfish as well. Kids>Selfish Revenge, Love>Hate.

My wife is doing everything now for reconciliation, yet I am still having problems with the injustice. She got to have "fun" at my expense. She claims she hurts by her actions and what she put me through...not sure she will ever comprehend the depths of pain she put me through, and the ever present sense of lost trust, betrayal, and inadequacies I feel. But that is life; it's not fair.

However, our status quo marriage wasn't working either, so I guess this was break or forge the relationship type deal, and I choose forge as did she.

Coming up on two year Dday....


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Forest said:


> Now there's a surprise, more the same. You're right, everyone else is wrong.


No...everyone else is not wrong. Unfortunately, you seem unable to understand that spouses are responsible for protecting their marriage. I get that you're irrational on the subject...but there's nothing I can do to help you with that.



Forest said:


> What a tired refrain from some cringing other-world of limp acceptance.


I don't even know what so say here. I'm sure you were going for an insult...I suggest additional work on it.



Forest said:


> Meanwhile, in the real world: Men don't put up with OM touching their wives.


Again, it's sad that you still don't understand the concept of personal accountability. So you attack OM1...what about OM2? How about OM3? OM4? OM5? OM6? OMx? How many OMs are required before you begin holding your wife responsible for the affair? How many OM would you go through before 'Hulk stop smashing and start thinking'?

Good God...this is tenth grade logic. It's horrifying that you guys don't understand it.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> No...everyone else is not wrong. Unfortunately, you seem unable to understand that spouses are responsible for protecting their marriage. I get that you're irrational on the subject...but there's nothing I can do to help you with that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You have got to be an OM yourself. There's just no other explanation for this level of giving a POS that invaded your family and marriage a free pass. At least the BHs here that didn't do anything physically understand why those that did go that route did. And most have agreed they have thought about it, and quite often.

Your responses are quite revealing.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

it's not an invasion if one of the members of the family opens the door and invites the outsider in. that's a betrayal.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Maneo said:


> it's not an invasion if one of the members of the family opens the door and invites the outsider in. that's a betrayal.


No sir, it's both. I can't recall one marital betrayal when there was only one person involved. If you can find one, feel free to point it out to me, and I'll stand corrected.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> You have got to be an OM yourself. There's just no other explanation for this level of giving a POS that invaded your family and marriage a free pass.


This--right here--is where everything breaks down for you. You have morphed my assertion that spouses are responsible for their marriages into OMs/OWs get a free pass. People aren't forced into affairs. There are no roving bands of men who can 'force' wives into extramarital relationships.

Your perspective on this is irrational...period. Accept it or don't, but it is what it is.



3putt said:


> At least the BHs here that didn't do anything physically understand why those that did go that route did. And most have agreed they have thought about it, and quite often.
> 
> Your responses are quite revealing.


My responses are revealing, as are yours. That difference between us is you believe the 'other person' is responsible for keeping the vows of a marriage, whereas I believe the spouses are.

I'm okay with my position.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I struggle with this. My Dad left my Mom for an OW it turned out he'd been seeing for a year when I was two. When I was deep into high school, my Mom told me the story. He gave her the ILYBINILWY speech, moved out, and yet they kept sleeping together while they were separated. She discovered the affair when walking in on them at his apartment. And in a rage, nearly beat her senseless with her wicker purse.

I asked her when she told me this why her rage wasn't focused on my Dad instead - this woman didn't know her, had never met her, had made no promises to her in front of God and everybody. She agreed it defied logic, but said it was her instinctual reaction.

Now, hypocrite that I am, when I found out about my STBX's affair, I immediately wanted to tear this woman I didn't even know apart. I didn't so much as throw anything at him. I should have.

I think it makes logical sense to want to harm the one who betrayed your trust and broke his vows. But it makes animal sense to want to destroy any outsider who invades your territory. Perhaps I was a German shepherd in a past life.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Maneo said:


> it's not an invasion if one of the members of the family opens the door and invites the outsider in. that's a betrayal.





3putt said:


> No sir, it's both. I can't recall one marital betrayal when there was only one person involved. If you can find one, feel free to point it out to me, and I'll stand corrected.


You're still missing the point, 3putt. An OM/OW can not break your marriage...only your spouse can. The affair partner *is not* the betrayer.

No one is telling you to go play tennis with the OM. But seriously...what obligation does anyone else have to your marriage? (Hint: none.)

Full disclosure: I take this position as a betrayed spouse who is in the process of divorcing. So yes...I understand the pain an affair can bring.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Again, it's sad that you still don't understand the concept of personal accountability.


We do, and that's _exactly_ why OM doesn't get a free pass.

When a WS breaks his/her vows to his/her spouse, he/she is 100% accountable for that.

Likewise, when OM/OW decides to bed another's spouse, he/she is 100% accountable for that.

Aaaaaand, if OM/OW happens to be married as well, the WS is 100% accountable for his/her decision to bed another's spouse.



unblinded said:


> So you attack OM1...what about OM2? How about OM3? OM4? OM5? OM6? OMx? How many OMs are required before you begin holding your wife responsible for the affair?


Precisely one.

Having said that, I feel the need to explain how that statement both does AND doesn't apply to my own marriage...

My wife engaged in 2 EA's. I caught her in the second, and then found the first about a week-and-a-half later. Had _either_ of them been a PA, she'd no longer be my wife.

Additionally, having been through the crucible of reconciliation for the past 3+ years, if I find that she's engaged in another affair (of any kind, and regardless of when), she won't be my wife for much longer.



unblinded said:


> How many OM would you go through before 'Hulk stop smashing and start thinking'?


Loaded question. Very few BS's go out of their way to inflict physical damage upon OM/OW. (And let's just be honest... a desire to NOT rot in prison is usually the motivation behind this.)

Beyond that, see previous statement.



unblinded said:


> Good God...*this is tenth grade logic*. It's horrifying that you guys don't understand it.


Here's what you're not getting... it's not logical at all. It's a primal, visceral, completely natural, and totally understandable impulse for a BS to feel an overwhelming desire to both physically and mentally dismantle -- by any and all available means -- a romantic rival... specifically, the one that happens to f*cking his or her WS.

Thankfully, _most_ of us have the ability to suppress that.

Look, we're not advocating violence here -- we're simply saying that we _understand_ that a BS might feel the desire to inflict violence upon OM/OW in these situations.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maneo said:


> it's not an invasion if one of the members of the family opens the door and invites the outsider in. that's a betrayal.





3putt said:


> *No sir, it's both.* I can't recall one marital betrayal when there was only one person involved. If you can find one, feel free to point it out to me, and I'll stand corrected.


Agreed.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Nomorebeans said:


> She discovered the affair when walking in on them at his apartment. And in a rage, nearly beat her senseless with her wicker purse.


With a wicker purse? Props to your mom...that is hardcore!


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> I'm okay with my position.


I'm quite sure you are. 

The rest of your jibberish isn't even worthy of a response.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> We do, and that's _exactly_ why OM doesn't get a free pass.
> 
> When a WS breaks his/her vows to his/her spouse, he/she is 100% accountable for that.
> 
> ...


Here's where the problem lies: people are taking the position that the obligation to protect a marriage goes beyond the parties who are married. That is false...plain and simple. People are accountable for their actions, but spouses accountable for affairs. So the question is how many @$$e$ have to be kicked before folks understand that their spouses--alone--betrayed them.

Look at it this way, if your wife turned your garage into a meth lab and enlisted the help of a male friend, do you kick his @$$ when the house explodes, yet give her stern tongue lashing? _Who_ endangered the family? Not the male friend who was brought in to help cook it (or however you 'prepare' meth...).



GusPolinski said:


> Loaded question. Very few BS's go out of their way to inflict physical damage upon OM/OW. (And let's just be honest... a desire to NOT rot in prison is usually the motivation behind this.)
> 
> Beyond that, see previous statement.


Nope...not a loaded question at all. If the OM is held responsible for an affair, why not both OM? Or all three? How do you apportion blame among them, and does that decrease the wife's accountability.



GusPolinski said:


> Here's what you're not getting... it's not logical at all. It's a primal, visceral, completely natural, and totally understandable impulse for a BS to feel an overwhelming desire to both physically and mentally dismantle -- by any and all available means -- a romantic rival... specifically, the one that happens to f*cking his or her WS.
> 
> Thankfully, _most_ of us have the ability to suppress that.
> 
> Look, we're not advocating violence here -- we're simply saying that we _understand_ that a BS might feel the desire to inflict violence upon OM/OW in these situations.


I think it's natural to want to do something to both. However, that's not the tone of this thread and you know it.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> With a wicker purse? Props to your mom...that is hardcore!



SMH...so it's okay for a woman to beat the sh!t out of an OW, but not okay for a man to beat the **** out of an OM.

Got it. Hardcore.


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> I'm quite sure you are.
> 
> The rest of your jibberish isn't even worthy of a response.


Fair enough...but thanks for trying. :smthumbup:


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> SMH...so it's okay for a woman to beat the sh!t out of an OW, but not okay for a man to beat the **** out of an OM.
> 
> Got it. Hardcore.


1. Wicker purses are funny (and are hardly capable of beating anything out of anyone).

2. I'm quickly coming to the realization that you must be about 15 years old.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

unblinded said:


> 1. Wicker purses are funny (and are hardly capable of beating anything out of anyone).
> 
> 2. I'm quickly coming to the realization that you must be about 15 years old.


Whatever you say.


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

3putt said:


> Whatever you say.


At this point, let's just accept we have different views on life and leave it at that.

There may be a thread down the road on which our opinions do not diverge as significantly.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Nomorebeans said:


> I struggle with this. My Dad left my Mom for an OW it turned out he'd been seeing for a year when I was two. When I was deep into high school, my Mom told me the story. He gave her the ILYBINILWY speech, moved out, and yet they kept sleeping together while they were separated. She discovered the affair when walking in on them at his apartment. And in a rage, nearly beat her senseless with her wicker purse.
> 
> I asked her when she told me this why her rage wasn't focused on my Dad instead - this woman didn't know her, had never met her, had made no promises to her in front of God and everybody. She agreed it defied logic, but said it was her instinctual reaction.
> 
> ...


I think there is a part of us that wants to believe, however irrational that belief is, that someone this person we love (or loved) can't be the cause of this betrayal. If only this OM or OW had not come into the picture my spouse would still be true to me and me alone. Of course, this is not the case but many of us seem to cling to that irrational belief, perhaps out of self preservation or to maintain a sense of self worth.

Our first reaction may be a sense of our own space, our own marital sanctuary has been "invaded" but invasion implies forced entry. An affair is mutual invited entry. I think that first instinctual reaction is understandable but misdirected.

We love that person who has just betrayed and broken our trust but we lash out at the other person.

It is after that initial emotional reaction that those who cling to the myth that all, or the majority, of the blame, and thus all the retribution, lies with the OM or OW that leads to further irrational thinking and actions.

And while in no sense justifying infidelity, there often are circumstances in a marriage that create conditions that can make it easier for a spouse to stray. Some of the responsibility for those conditions may rest with the non-straying spouse. That can be an even tougher thing to face.

And when this all blows up in a person's life - the betrayal of a marriage, the shattering of a family, the broken dreams it is often easier to focus all the blame on the OM or OW rather than to face the realities that responsibility may reside in some part in all the players involved. Yes, the responsibility lies more with some than others, often much more with the OM or OW. But it is too simplistic to simply adhere to the fantasy of, "if only he" or "if only she" had not come into the picture all would be as it was and the family whole and happy.

To bring this back to the original core question of this thread, I think most would admit to some thought, even if fleeting, of doing harm to the OM or OW. And some, in the heat of the moment, like Nomorebeans' mother might act on that urge. Where I think people begin to part ways on this topic are those who hold to the notion of taking action on the do physical harm impulse and those who draw a distinct line between the thought, the urge and the actual deed. 

In an earlier, some would say less enlightened, age the "take action on the impulse" may have been more the norm than it is today. In an earlier age women were treated as property and it was acceptable for the husband to give his wife a good whack if she did something that displeased him. Thank goodness we, or one hopes most of us, have evolved and matured from those not so halcyon days of yore.

Have you ever wanted to do physical harm to the OM?OW? Yes
Have you ever acted on that desire? No


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

unblinded said:


> Here's where the problem lies: people are taking the position that the obligation to protect a marriage goes beyond the parties who are married. That is false...plain and simple. People are accountable for their actions, but spouses accountable for affairs. So the question is how many @$$e$ have to be kicked before folks understand that their spouses--alone--betrayed them.


I'm under no illusion w/ respect to anyone other than myself or my wife having any sort of role or responsibility in terms of guarding or maintaining our marriage.

That said, it's universally understood that romantically or sexually engaging another's spouse -- EVEN IF said spouse is the aggressor -- is off-limits.

I mean... come the f*ck on... we're talking about a behavior that is morally repugnant and absolutely indefensible, and we shouldn't be doing anything to take any portion of the stigma that is rightfully associated w/ it away from it.



unblinded said:


> Look at it this way, if your wife turned your garage into a meth lab and enlisted the help of a male friend, do you kick his @$$ when the house explodes, yet give her stern tongue lashing? _Who_ endangered the family? Not the male friend who was brought in to help cook it (or however you 'prepare' meth...).


/sigh

Men (at least not _decent_ men) _usually_ don't physically assault women, and especially not the women w/ whom they've spent years of their lives. And, while there are plenty of reasons for this, it really boils down to one of the first lessons that we learn as small children...

"DO. NOT. HIT. GIRLS. EVER."

That said, wife gets her ass kicked... to the curb.

And dipsh*t lab buddy gets his teeth knocked down his f*cking throat. 

And that's assuming, of course, that the explosion didn't render both of them to chunky salsa.



unblinded said:


> Nope...not a loaded question at all. If the OM is held responsible for an affair, why not both OM? Or all three? How do you apportion blame among them, and does that decrease the wife's accountability.


LOL... in this convoluted scenario, the WW is 100% responsible for each of her betrayals, and each OM is 100% responsible for his complicity in it.

IOW, there's no need to "divide" blame here. There's plenty to go around.

Anyway, my point was to to say that (a) there should never be more than a single OM/OW (two at MOST), at least not where a PA is concerned, and (b) given A, any OM/OW after OM/OW #1 shouldn't be a BS's problem... because he/she should've already divorced his/her WS.

Either way, after a certain point, we sort of deserve our misery... especially when we inflict it upon ourselves.



unblinded said:


> I think it's natural to want to do something to both. However, that's not the tone of this thread and you know it.


But it is. Divorce the WS, then let him/her and OM/OW have each other.

:smthumbup:


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I'm under no illusion w/ respect to anyone other than myself or my wife having any sort of role or responsibility in terms of guarding or maintaining our marriage.
> 
> That said, it's universally understood that romantically or sexually engaging another's spouse -- EVEN IF said spouse is the aggressor -- is off-limits.
> 
> I mean... come the f*ck on... we're talking about a behavior that is morally repugnant and absolutely indefensible, and we shouldn't be doing anything to take any portion of the stigma that is rightfully associated w/ it away from it.


And saying the cheating spouses are wholly responsible for their actions removes the stigma of an affair...how? 

Why, exactly, do people keep making that leap?



GusPolinski said:


> /sigh
> 
> Men (at least not _decent_ men) _usually_ don't physically assault women, and especially not the women w/ whom they've spent years of their lives. And, while there are plenty of reasons for this, it really boils down to one of the first lessons that we learn as small children...
> 
> "DO. NOT. HIT. GIRLS. EVER."


So, in civilized society, it's not really appropriate to physically assault anyone unless that person poses an imminent threat to you, your family, or property (hence the numerous legal provisions 'frowning' upon doing so). I'm pretty sure infidelity is not covered. Just saying...



GusPolinski said:


> That said, wife gets her ass kicked... to the curb.
> 
> And dipsh*t lab buddy gets his teeth knocked down his f*cking throat.
> 
> And that's assuming, of course, that the explosion didn't render both of them to chunky salsa.


So the wife invites criminal activity into the home, yet you seek physical revenge against the dude. Got it!

What happens if her lab partner was a woman? Conundrum!



GusPolinski said:


> LOL... in this convoluted scenario, the WW is 100% responsible for each of her betrayals, and each OM is 100% responsible for his complicity in it.
> 
> IOW, there's no need to "divide" blame here. There's plenty to go around.
> 
> ...


I guess the problem here is folks seem to think the OM/OW has an obligation to the betrayed marriage...when, in reality, they don't.

Let's not confuse common decency with accountability. The decent thing would be for folks to steer clear of extramarital affairs. However, if an extramarital affair occurs, the accountability runs from spouse to spouse.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

(because some people just have to talk more than everyone else)


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

unblinded said:


> And saying the cheating spouses are wholly responsible for their actions removes the stigma of an affair...how?
> 
> Why, exactly, do people keep making that leap?


You're twisting my words. Additionally, your own words seem to imply that, in any given situation involving any sort of infraction, there can be only a single person responsible for all of it. This is flawed reasoning.

Again, waywards are 100% responsible for their betrayals of their respective marriages, just as OMs/OWs are 100% responsible for their roles in said betrayals.



unblinded said:


> So, in civilized society, it's not really appropriate to physically assault anyone unless that person poses an imminent threat to you, your family, or property (hence the numerous legal provisions 'frowning' upon doing so). I'm pretty sure infidelity is not covered. Just saying...


Most would argue that an affair would -- and does! -- indeed pose an imminent threat to a family. Hell, probably families.

Still, I understand that exacting physical retribution against an OM/OW is legally frowned upon, which is exactly why I'd advise any BS to not seek it out.

But hey... stand your ground.



unblinded said:


> So the wife invites criminal activity into the home, yet you seek physical revenge against the dude. Got it!


Dude. It's my home as well, and *I* didn't invite the motherf*cker.



unblinded said:


> What happens if her lab partner was a woman? Conundrum!


Damn you.



unblinded said:


> I guess the problem here is folks seem to think the OM/OW has an obligation to the betrayed marriage...when, in reality, they don't.
> 
> Let's not confuse common decency with accountability. The decent thing would be for folks to steer clear of extramarital affairs. However, if an extramarital affair occurs, the accountability runs from spouse to spouse.


We can spend the next few hours or days throwing words back and forth at each other, but I'd honestly just prefer to concede to the fact that we're not going to see eye-to-eye here. And that's fine.

After all, someone has to be wrong.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

3putt said:


> What the hell is illogical about protecting your family and marriage from whatever outside influence invades it? You conveniently left out the OM part and focused on the animal part of it (which was added as an aside threat as an example, hence the parentheses). What a convenient omission.
> 
> *Your* statement and position is the biggest load of horsesh!t I've ever seen.
> 
> Jesus, what happened to men's balls in this country?


Answer...
It's f^cking third wave feminists like that professional victim Anna Sarkeesian and Ana Kasparian for starters.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> We can spend the next few hours or days throwing words back and forth at each other, but I'd honestly just prefer to concede to the fact that we're not going to see eye-to-eye here. And that's fine.
> 
> After all, someone has to be wrong.


On this we can agree.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Forest said:


> Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.


So are you a wise man or a fool?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I will use my WW and OM as the example here, in this case of marriage and infidelity. WW and OM work together, I meet OM, wife and OM continue to work together. WW and OM begin their EA. EA turns to PA. Now lets stop right here. WW is 100% at fault to me as we have vows. OM is 100% at fault as he initiated the affair, not that this matters, but he is violating my marriage. ANYONE who comes between me and my WW, and did so willingly, deserves a beating. Why? He willingly entered an affair with my WW. OM knew we were MARRIED. 

To me that is an invasion of my marriage. He knew and although my wife accepted those advances it's still an invasion TO ME. Some of the arguments here have me confused, someone posted well the WW let the OM in. Ok, I get that but if WW let him in, I have the right to remove AS I SEE FIT. Now I have not gone after my WW OM, physically, but I did expose him and forced him to quit his job. 

Will I do more, I'm not sure, I've been busy lately, but if I get bored... 
The point in my marriage is WW was wrong, OM was wrong, and if you wrong me intentionally, as they both did, I will issue consequences. My WW would tell you I have given her consequences, OM would say the same, as the BS it's up to me how I respond, nobody else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

Yes, I most wholeheartedly wish to drive my fist across his face. I will not go so far as to want to kill him, but a good beating at my hands followed by a smart retort would be very satisfying. 

The man is an accomplice to a grave wrong that was committed against me and my family. Smacking him across the face in a bout of passion is puerile and unnecessary but it sends a message that as a man I'm not willing to quietly let such a wrong doing go without some old testament inspired consequences. That as a man and as a father to my sons, my message is loud and ****ing clear, no one screws with my family.

I've had a similar argument in reference if someone harmed my children. 

Though we cannot condone violence against another human being, I nod my head in respect to the man who put a good old ass whooping to someone who played a role in driving a stake through their family and the lives of their children.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"As much as I wanted to, I put the blame all to my WW. I hate the other OM'S but they weren't the ones who betrayed me."

I know many people have this view....and if that works for them, then I fully agree that for THEM this is the proper path to take.

I guess I'm just too old school in my views.

A POS AP is NOT innocent...they DO owe it to others who have done them no wrong to not do harm or injury to those individuals....its called the Social Contract.

As far as I'm concerned, they deserve every bit of crap that a BS can rain down on them.

And this leaves out any consideration of kids.....I still cannot understand letting a POS AP go scot free when children are brought into consideration.

If another person ever did ANY other type of action to destroy kid's happiness, lives, and families....almost no one would judge or vilify a parent for wrecking that POS in any way they could.

Why does adultery get a free pass on this?.....Why is it treated differently than any other action a POS could possibly take that injured the kids?


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

This is a subject I've thought long and hard about (proceed with implied innuendos). It is the primary subject that inspired my username. I am too lazy to hand out likes to all of you standing up for your families and saying that the POS OM/OW deserves anything from a skeletal restructure of the face to the weight of hell descending upon them, even if you didn't act on those feelings, but you have my :smthumbup:. 

Just because our spouse owes us the weight of the vow does NOT absolve any other actors of their own accountability in the betrayal. Yes, the WS is guilty of the betrayal, but like any other criminal the guilt of stealing that which is not their own (referring to the marriage and acts associated with the marriage, not people) is also on the OM/OW's shoulders. Sure, you can argue that if it wasn't one OM/OW then it would have been another, but that's really just conjecture. There's no real evidence for that beyond the occasional anecdotal type.

Now, why do I want to pummel POSOM's face into a jelly and not my WW? Because I DGAF about OM or his situation. I might do anything from choose to live with, or at the very least co-parent with my WW. This requires me to keep a relationship with her. Is she also deserving of some retribution? Absolutely, but that will either need to come in a different form, or forgiveness needs to be extended. Despite my name, I like forgiveness. I just have a sense of justice about me, and I often get the feeling that if karma ain't gonna get off her lazy a$$, then maybe she could use a hand from us sh!t sandwich eating peons.

Speaking of trading one OM for another: I once had opportunity to go home with a married woman to "watch a movie". She claimed loneliness, and a lack of friends. I refused, despite the fact I found her incredibly attractive, because I knew what time alone in the dark meant with a "lonely" woman. Years later I found out this marriage had ended. I don't know why, but it likely could have been an affair. My point of this story is that had I gone home with this woman I would have knowingly, and of my own volition, participated in the breakdown of the marriage; thus making me guilty of a heinous act deserving retribution. Simple.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

OK all you Rambos.
Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Maneo said:


> OK all you Rambos.
> Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?


Prepare for lots of head scratching...


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

unblinded said:


> So are you a wise man or a fool?


How many posts do you have in this thread, all basically saying the same thing?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* And while I may well have the propensity to innately identify with those that even mildly advocate the opening up of a rather large can of 
well-deserved "whoop-ass" on the scurrilous cheating offender who would lower themselves to even attempt to wreak havoc upon my marriage, as well as to my family's sheer existence, all for pnly a few scintillating minutes of personal phantasmagoric pleasure in seducing and bedding my spouse, I fastly realize that there are so many laws on the books that are already there to protect scum like them!

If the price for whipping his ass is a state or federal assault charge, punishable by incarceration of up to 25 years or more, then where is the Justice? There's not one lousy hair on his slimy cheating a$$ that is remotely worth that!

The way I see it, my cheating ass spouse found something so rather mentally or physically intriguing about him such as a newfound invigorating personality or perhaps a rather large "Johnson" that would make spitting cobras so envious of its wieldy proportions.

None of that is worth me spending time in the slammer over when I can be done with her and move on with my earthly life!

Because I, unlike so many others, have a profound faith in God and knowing that I will face him one day to give an exhaustive account of all of my eagerly service, as well as disservice to Him, it is only reasonable and proper to assume that my RSXW as well as all of her "bedders" will have to do the very same! After all, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. I will repay!"

To this day, I would find it rather difficult to even spit in their guts if they were engulfed in flames. I will not even look her in the eye anymore nor even speak to her deceptive a$$!

But I have found it in my heart to forgive them all of their sordid covert transgressions. But unlike my God, I find it most difficult to ever forget about it without first receiving an admission of guilt accompanied by a personal heartfelt plea for my forgiveness!

I reckon that that's just too much of the Christian in me!*


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

betrayed16 said:


> richardsharpe said:
> 
> 
> > Good evening
> ...



Biblically.....Murder is the killing of the innocent....abortion is murder.

Killing a POSOM or wayward spouse is homicide... Not murder..as they are NOT innocent. 

The worst part of it is if killed while they are in the affair they will not make heaven. They died in their sin and were not repentant.

As the bible said those who practice such things WILL NOT inherit the Kingdom of God.

It would be better for their souls if they had a good ass whopping or were even maimed...but not killed. Then they could repent and maybe have a reminder about why they should not violate the marriage covenant of another.

The ws will have consequences of forever knowing that they were responsible of what led to what happened to their fvck buddy.

I've prayed that before my sister ever commits adultry again that God would take her before her soul is at risk of eternal damnation.


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Forest said:


> unblinded said:
> 
> 
> > So are you a wise man or a fool?
> ...


It's called "responding". I didn't know you felt left out. 

What would you like to discuss?


----------



## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

unblinded said:


> Maneo said:
> 
> 
> > OK all you Rambos.
> ...


Well, Maneo, I see no one has touched this...


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My BIL had to move stations because it was getting difficult to see the OM every time he had to bring a patient into the ER and not bash the guys's face in. (SIL and OM are ER nurses.)


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Maneo said:


> OK all you Rambos.
> Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?





unblinded said:


> Well, Maneo, I see no one has touched this...


That's because it's so patently ridiculous folks are probably still shaking their heads that he actually said it.

I know I am.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"OK all you Rambos.
Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?"

Good question.

The only reason an OW would be excused from any desire to physically wreck her life is because I was raised from infancy by my father to NEVER strike a woman, no matter the provocation.

But wrecking her life in every other way possible for the injury she had done me and my family?.....not a problem.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> My BIL had to move stations because it was getting difficult to see the OM every time he had to bring a patient into the ER and not bash the guys's face in. (SIL and OM are ER nurses.)


Is she xsil or are they still working together?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> Is she xsil or are they still working together?


They are still working together and no, she's not an ex yet but she has moved out.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

For Maneo and unblinded,


I personally was brought up to respect, honor, and under no circumstance, ever hit a woman. This was taught to me by three people, father, mother, and my grandmother. My father from the age of eight (along with his brother, my uncle) had to fight their alcoholic father from beating my grandmother. People go through harsh times, not all parents love their kids and make sacrifices. Some abuse, some love, and some leave, in other words anyone can be a parent basically. But true men don't hit women, they don't beat them then throw them down the basement stairs and go to the nearest bar. That was life for my grandmother. So when I say I wanted to harm my WW OM, hell yes I did. But I thought rationally, knew what I would lose, and followed my own belief in not condoning violence. 

But the thought was there, and if its a woman I would react to what those three special people taught me. But like another poster said, anything else is not out of bounds so to say. Destroy her in other ways other then physical, which happens to be what I chose for my WW OM. Also I might add everything I did was well within the limits of the law. People have opinions, people here disagree on things, but your comments were a bit of a stretch. My perspective was that, we who had the thought of harming the OM, are unable or capable of making a decision with our brains. And that is false, as we did use our brains and aren't typing on a keyboard in our respective states penal system.

Sometimes it's just easier to say we agree to disagree and let it go at that. I must admit though, Maneo your post about the AP being a woman did make me laugh out loud, and I will say I needed that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I was walking with a lady late on Saturday night in California when a man tried to chat her up and get me out of the way by doing a Gay-and-Fabulous act. I put him on his arse. The reaction from people was instructive that this is not the way things are handled in the USA.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> "OK all you Rambos.
> Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?"
> 
> Good question.
> ...


There is another dynamic other than the sex of the offender. That is a man who takes your wife from her man is emasculating. He has done that and not asserting physical dominance can be to accept it. 

In the scenario you describe, the hurt is there, but the emasculation is not.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

3putt said:


> That's because it's so patently ridiculous folks are probably still shaking their heads that he actually said it.
> 
> I know I am.


you were born in the wrong century my friend. The 19th century is calling you.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Pro 6:32
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.

Pro 6:33
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.

Pro 6:34
For jealousy is a husband?s fury;
Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

Pro 6:35
He will accept no recompense,
Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts

Personally if I were to serve on a jury for trial on a bs who killed or maimed a pos cheater I would refuse to convict...its called Jury Nullification. The WS should do the time for the death of their fvck buddy. They caused it.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I never considered being on a jury for a BS who killed or severely injured the OM/OW. That is an interesting point of which I would have to do some strong soul searching on. While in my case I thought of doing the OM harm I didn't act on it. I wonder how a jury would react to my actions if I had. I do know I would have leniency as a juror, but as a defendant I guess I would be hoping the jurors would have gone through the same. 

I believe I would try to say I would by unable to render a partial decision in this case. I would hope the judge would excuse me from the jury. But knowing judges as I do, they would ask for me to explain my decision which would cause more pain and humiliation. As a defendant, it would be humiliating and painful to be questioned by the OM's attorney if I decided to take the stand in my defense. I would imagine this would open a can of worms as to the attorneys line of questioning. 

Bottom line is, as a BS I have the right to defend my family from outside influence. It does not matter whether my WW accepted or denied his advances, I still have children to protect. As the OM's attorney would cross exam me I would work that aspect of why I harmed the OM, it was to protect my children. I don't know of any jury who would convict any parent of protecting their children from such an insidious person as the AP. Any way you look at infidelity, it's still horrific.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

Maneo said:


> OK all you Rambos.
> Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?


I'm not one to usually be picky on gender. As a general rule I do not hit women. I don't go out and beat the tar out of OM either. I haven't laid a hand on my XWW's OM. I want to. I think OM/OW should have consequences for their actions. Unless the laws change though, I'm not willing to go to jail for their or my XWW's dumb a$$es though.

To honestly answer your question, no. I do not have the same desire to pummel. I do have a similar desire to remove them from my life and demand justice though.

Is that "head scratching" enough for those predicting such?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Mr The Other said:


> There is another dynamic other than the sex of the offender. That is a man who takes your wife from her man is emasculating. He has done that and not asserting physical dominance can be to accept it.
> 
> In the scenario you describe, the hurt is there, but the emasculation is not.


Considering the context of the thread, I am pleased this got a Like from a poster called 'Retribution'.

Thanks!


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> Pro 6:32
> Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
> He who does so destroys his own soul.
> 
> ...


I doubt that you'd be selected to serve on that jury.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Even if I do not believe fire is hot, I'm still gonna get burned by when I touch it.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I drove the five blocks to the home of the OM after finding out my buddy was more than friends with my then wife, loaded down with a 12 gauge full of 00 shot, and a40 cal hand gun. I intended in filling his car full of holes, it was 2am. As I drove around the block to check for cops, my mind cleared a bit. I then returned home, hooked my truck up to the utility trailer owned by the OM that was sitting at my home (he had just put new axels, painted, refurbished it). Drove down a local highway to a popular parking area where people meet to commute together, dropped off trailer, removed plates, registration, put a sign on it. "FREE". Tore up the registration throwing it out the window, the plate went into a lake. Went home to confront wife. 

Some times still wish I would of kicked his a$$, but my daughters intervened and convinced me to stay out of jail. My friend is a Superior Court Judge. He told me a jury has never convicted a man of anything who hit an OM, in his 12 years in this county.


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## Doc Proditus (Apr 16, 2014)

Yes. Still do. Sometimes revenge is justice.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"He told me a jury has never convicted a man of anything who hit an OM, in his 12 years in this county."

I know I wouldn't.

H*ll....I would want to beat his a** myself just for being a whiny p*ssy who cried to the cops and courts for protection rather than face the consequences he deserved for f*cking up another man's family and life.

And I would have the same attitude about a woman who beat the sh*t out of the b*tch who destroyed her life.

To my way of thinking, it's called the JUSTICE system for a reason....and those scenarios are nothing but simple justice IMO.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maneo said:


> OK all you Rambos.
> Suppose your wife has the affair with another woman. Do you have the same desire to pummel this OW? Does the gender of the offending party make a difference?


Patty: "Chuck, I'm leaving you."

Chuck: "Wha... is there someone else? Are you having an affair?!?"

Patty: "Yes."

Chuck: "What's the sonuvab*tch's name? I'll kill him! Wait until I get my hands on hi..."

Patty: "It's a woman. It's Marcy."

Chuck: "Huh...?"


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> "He told me a jury has never convicted a man of anything who hit an OM, in his 12 years in this county."
> 
> I know I wouldn't.
> 
> ...


then you probably won't mind when the simple justice system puts you in jail


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"then you probably won't mind when the simple justice system puts you in jail"

If I did the crime, I'll pay the time.

But this was in reference, if you had paid attention, to the statement from Hoosier that his friend, a judge, had never seen a jury convict a BH for smacking an OM in his 12 years on the bench.

I was saying that I would never vote to convict either.

A BH (or BW, as I said) who had me on his jury would NEVER end up in jail for smacking the POSOM....f*ck that guy...he deserves it.

Its called jury nullification...and despite what morons say, it is NOT illegal.

If the government ever wants to get off its a** and create a path for a BS to get justice from the POS AP for the destruction that person inflicted on their family and life, I will reconsider my stand on this issue.

Until then, this is one of the few options available to a BS to exact punishment for the wrong done them...and I would never convict.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Dyokemm

Well said couldn't agree more, I would never convict a BS, for the OM it's consequence to their actions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I have to admit I still think about it, from time to time. One guy in particular was a complete narcissistic, arrogant, smart ass who probably has never been "brought close to Jesus" properly. Even his wife admitted to me that after several affairs, she wished some guys would kick his ass.

It has been carefully conveyed, that if he ever approaches me, my family, or my property that he will have a lasting reminder of his mistake the rest of his life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No. Not at the time.

But years later I wished I'd have beat the s**t out of him.

But he wouldn't have been worth the trouble.


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## tpdallas (Aug 28, 2015)

I picked up a second job at a mall one winter/Christmas to make extra money. 

Right at opening this woman came in and thought I was my coworker and accused me of sleeping with her husband. 

I laughed at first and told her nope, I don't even know your husband. Mind you I was a virgin at the time, but that's a different story.

She grabbed my arm and then I proceeded to beat her tail until a manager called for help and pulled us apart.

Luckily I didn't get in trouble because she was the aggressor. 

In the end, the woman was disheveled and standing there apologizing to me.

My manager told me not to say anything to my coworker and to let her handle it.

I could not resist. When she finally showed up, I told her, "I had to deliver an ass whooping on your behalf and you still got one coming."


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I have dreamt about it for years.
Every time I saw the ex OW she grew more and more confident in my presence and it began really winding me up.
Aug this year, out on a Friday night, she walked past me and flicked her hair at me...I waited, she sat down, and I snapped. I grabbed her around the throat and attempted to bang her head against the wall but was stopped by a co worker.
Am o proud of my actions? Not at all. But I got my point across and she bloody well deserved what she got.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The only reason I keep working out is for the day I run into "my friend" that phucked my wife.
When that day comes I will be ready to confront him....
From what I hear, he is now one fat POS. No matter what it takes I will be the only one standing.

Hopefully my brother doesn't spend my jail money, or it's going to be a long 18 months in side.
The trick is not killing the POS, stay out of state and doing a easy 9 months in county and get back out.
As long as I go in fit no one will phuck with me....kind of a dumb reason to workout but I just dont want to get messed with in jail after punching the OM in the face.
If I end up in prison...forget about it...I'm done.


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## ConservativeBamaFan (Feb 19, 2014)

I'm struggling with this issue right now. Cheating occurred 2 yrs ago. Wife seems to be back to her normal self. But this guy keeps reaching out to her. She has come to me several times over the last few months saying hey he sent this and this . He lives a few hrs away. I've asked him to stop but he won't drop it. Thinking about a visit. I think it's time. I've asked several times but he just keeps on and will not go away.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ConservativeBamaFan said:


> I'm struggling with this issue right now. Cheating occurred 2 yrs ago. Wife seems to be back to her normal self. But this guy keeps reaching out to her. She has come to me several times over the last few months saying hey he sent this and this . He lives a few hrs away. I've asked him to stop but he won't drop it. Thinking about a visit. I think it's time. I've asked several times but he just keeps on and will not go away.


*Bama: Now that's utter disrespect! I'd greatly say that since the dude apparently doesn't have any common sense or social decency, that he definitely has what's coming his way!

And while probably illegal, after being forewarned and still making advances against your W, I'd say that he is flirting with grave danger!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

the guy said:


> The only reason I keep working out is for the day I run into "my friend" that phucked my wife.
> When that day comes I will be ready to confront him....
> From what I hear, he is now one fat POS. No matter what it takes I will be the only one standing.


I have the same thought processes. I had pretty much quit lifting weights, etc before D-Day. (two years ago) I got a glimpse of POSOM shortly after then, as he was running for his life. He's a total coward, and not going to be someone that will put up a fight, but I started lifting again anyway.

Its unlikely I'd ever run into him, but I'm still sticking with the weights. The bad news is that POSOM is 6-7 years older than me, that could look bad now if I get ahold of him. The good news is that my doctor asked if I was training for a triathalon or something.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

ConservativeBamaFan said:


> I'm struggling with this issue right now. Cheating occurred 2 yrs ago. Wife seems to be back to her normal self. But this guy keeps reaching out to her. She has come to me several times over the last few months saying hey he sent this and this . He lives a few hrs away. I've asked him to stop but he won't drop it. Thinking about a visit. I think it's time. I've asked several times but he just keeps on and will not go away.


how about a restraining order?


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I have no desire to get in a physical confrontation with either OW. But my husband said if he saw my AP it would be 50/50 whether he would kill him. I suspect he drove him out of town with threats.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Greetings!

In the days of Ancient Rome, there was a wealthy merchant. The merchant had a wife for many years. In Rome, slaves were legal property. The Roman merchant had become fond of his favorite concubine, a pretty woman much younger than his wife. The Roman merchant died suddenly, from an illness.

According to Roman law, upon his death, all his property, wealth and possessions became his wife's. The wife was now the sole mistress of the manor, the *Domina*. The wife had her husband's funeral with all honors and appropriate ceremonies.

Afterwards, the wife gazed at her husband's concubine, and ordered her guards to seize the younger woman. "Now, I am the Domina. I am in control". The wife tortured and killed the concubine, with deep satisfaction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> I have no desire to get in a physical confrontation with either OW. But my husband said if he saw my AP it would be 50/50 whether he would kill him. I suspect he drove him out of town with threats.


IMO there is often a gender difference on this issue.....men are simply socialized with different expectations in childhood.

There is an aspect of infidelity that is simply between the two males, and the WW has nothing to do with it IMO.

It is akin to a man walking up and spitting in another man's face...and I know few men who were not raised to believe a man NEVER tolerates this type of disrespect from another guy....there will be consequences for the offender.

Hence, many BH's feel they MUST get some type of satisfaction from the POS who has insulted them and wrecked their life, whether in a physical confrontation or wrecking some significant consequences on POS's life in return.

Hopefully, your BH was able to fulfill that need in watching POSOM tuck his tail and run.....and and if he saw the guy again, he wouldn't try to actually follow through and physically go after the scumbag.

After all, a POSOM proves beyond a doubt what a cowardly turd he truly is when he either runs away from the anger of the man he has done wrong to....or runs to the authorities begging for their protection.

It is the POS admitting through his actions that he is a pathetic excuse for a man....incapable of honorably accepting the consequences of what he has done.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> IMO there is often a gender difference on this issue.....men are simply socialized with different expectations in childhood.
> 
> There is an aspect of infidelity that is simply between the two males, and the WW has nothing to do with it IMO.
> 
> It is akin to a man walking up and spitting in another man's face...and I know few men who were not raised to believe a man NEVER tolerates this type of disrespect from another guy....there will be consequences for the offender.


ok and I get that. But he should at least be very very understanding when I see either OW. If he wants to kill him and I just don't want to see them, I wish he would please consider the double standard.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I once saw a BS walk up behind the POSOM who was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.....

The BS shot the POSOM twice in the back with wax loads from a .357. 

The POSM knew about the gun and was scared to death to even shoot it. The muzzle blast was loud, and powder smoke filled the room...

The scream from the POSOM was like nothing I have ever heard....He rose up out of the chair tearing the front of his shirt open looking for the exit wounds, before collapsing on the floor....

The BS reloaded with hollow points, and said ....RUN.....The three of us had been friends since grade school, and the POSOM was in jail within days on serious drug charges....The WW drifted away, had a couple of kids by various guys, 30 years later she is in public housing on welfare....

At that time a judge would have said "You got what you deserved"....Today it would probably be a felony...


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> ok and I get that. But he should at least be very very understanding when I see either OW. If he wants to kill him and I just don't want to see them, I wish he would please consider the double standard.


I agree with your point completely.

You have every right not to want to be exposed to either of the OW.

My post was mainly a reference to how you and your H differed on wanting confrontation.

I don't think BS's of EITHER gender would want to have to look at the trashy people who had hurt them and damaged their M's and family.

And a WS should always honor and respect that wish.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

A few of my W's friends told her I would kill anyone who tried to get with my W, this was before we were married. I sometimes wonder if this accounts for my W's reluctance to talk about OM-2 and etc.

Tamat


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> A few of my W's friends told her I would kill anyone who tried to get with my W, this was before we were married. I sometimes wonder if this accounts for my W's reluctance to talk about OM-2 and etc.
> 
> Tamat


Tamat, apparently your warning didn't keep the OM from engaging, or he didn't know about your warning.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> ok and I get that. But he should at least be very very understanding when I see either OW. If he wants to kill him and I just don't want to see them, I wish he would please consider the double standard.



I am not all too familiar with your story, but as a man I will say I wanted to beat the hell out of my wife's OM. I didn't. Your husband is entitled to feel any way he wants about your OM, just as you are entitled to feel any way you want to the OW. If your husband wants to best OM to a bloody pulp that's his prerogative, just as it is yours about the OW. If my wife had told me not to touch OM I would have been divorced. It is my choice to do as I wish, even if it would have meant throwing away my career. To this day I regret not beating OM to an inch of his life. I want to hear him beg for his life, but I did no such thing. My wife accepted the advances of OM, those actions invaded my family, I have been getting revenge in other ways.

OM no longer works with my wife, that was due to what I told him I would do. I will send Christmas cards to all his neighbors explaining who he really is. I will go to his church and put flyers on every car, then go inside and address the congregation. After all isn't that the purpose of the congregation, aren't the problems to be brought to the congregation? I have not done this, but I told OM that I would and I was very serious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> IMO there is often a gender difference on this issue.....men are simply socialized with different expectations in childhood.
> 
> There is an aspect of infidelity that is simply between the two males, and the WW has nothing to do with it IMO.
> 
> ...





stephscarlett said:


> ok and I get that. But he should at least be very very understanding when I see either OW. If he wants to kill him and I just don't want to see them, I wish he would please consider the double standard.


It's actually much more than that, and it's rooted in our evolutionary psychology. After all, keeping other men away from our mate (or hey... mate_s_) ensures the greatest probability that she (or they) will give birth to our own offspring, thereby continuing our respective bloodlines.

If the drive to mate w/ as many desirable females as possible is our basest instinct, then the desire to utterly destroy, emasculate, and humiliate any man that has dared to lay a hand upon our mate is a _very_, _*Very*_, _*VERY*_ close second... and the fact that those unable to control the former aren't more often met w/ the latter is the direct result of an artificial social construct that we commonly call "the law".


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I get the evolutionary thing. I don't care if he beats the OM within an inch of his life. But women also have an evolutionary instinct to protect our families. I still feel threatened by them. I have a adrenal reaction I can't control that happens before I can even think straight. I think we both need to be very understanding about this. 
I would move so he wouldn't have to see the OM. (OM moved 4 hours away) He will not move so I don't have to see either OW. We do not know how to resolve this.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

If I ever run into this particular OM, I am sure I know how the scenario will play out. I would turn and walk away without a word, but based on his personality, I know he won't be able to refrain from making a smart-ass remark. And then I would pistol whip him with my .45 to the face. He is very narcissistic, so some permanent scars to his face would totally mess up his ego. I already have a couple of small battle scars on my face, so it wouldn't bother me at all.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> If I ever run into this particular OM, I am sure I know how the scenario will play out. I would turn and walk away without a word, but based on his personality, I know he won't be able to refrain from making a smart-ass remark. And then I would pistol whip him with my .45 to the face. He is very narcissistic, so some permanent scars to his face would totally mess up his ego. I already have a couple of small battle scars on my face, so it wouldn't bother me at all.


Pistol whip him with your .45, eh? did you learn how to talk tough by watching John Wayne movies? MajDeath....I see. yet another computer geek tough guy. Talking sh*t. Battle Scars? You simply have no idea.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

I would publicly ask the moderators to close this thread. It is offensive and insulting to all of those wounded men and women from ALL countries, who have suffered horrible damage as a result of violence. I would love.....I would really love to show all of the internet Rambos what real battle scars look and feel like. Imagine if the skin covering your rib cage was so tight, that in hot weather it splits and you bleed ( and this happens frequently) Think about having to have pockets of pus drained from your leg, for years. And I'm one of the very lucky ones. There are others who have suffered far worse. I have nothing but contempt for Web ninjas.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Rookie4 said:


> I would publicly ask the moderators to close this thread. It is offensive and insulting to all of those wounded men and women from ALL countries, who have suffered horrible damage as a result of violence. I would love.....I would really love to show all of the internet Rambos what real battle scars look and feel like. Imagine if the skin covering your rib cage was so tight, that in hot weather it splits and you bleed ( and this happens frequently) Think about having to have pockets of pus drained from your leg, for years. And I'm one of the very lucky ones. There are others who have suffered far worse. I have nothing but contempt for Web ninjas.


Now, now....you're forgetting your politeness.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Lighten up Francis, it's a postulated scenario of what "might" happen.

And regarding your other point about violence in the world, if it wasn't for sheep dogs like me at the tip of the spear, there would be a lot more dead sheep.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> Lighten up Francis, it's a postulated scenario of what "might" happen.
> 
> And regarding your other point about violence in the world, if it wasn't for sheep dogs like me at the tip of the spear, there would be a lot more dead sheep.


Dude, you do know all of the cliches', don't you. You must have watched a lot of war movies to do that. Trouble is, you are fooling nobody, because a real soldier or fighter never talks tough.... he/she IS tough.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

3putt said:


> Now, now....you're forgetting your politeness.


There is polite....and there is polite.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

For the nonviolent crowd, I agree with what another TAM poster stated: "If you are caught cheating with a married person, you should lose your right to legally marry forever "


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

You were(are) married to (f)ws and know them better than you know yourself. I'm sure you know what to do to wreck their lives without laying a hand on them. As for the AP, wait a long long time, then move to them. There are ways that are legal to destroy people, if revenge is what you want? Or go marry a hot chick, bone her left and right while blowing all her exwh's money she got in the divorce settlement....Which sounds more fun and healthy???!! I can tell you...DUDE


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Rookie4 said:


> MAJDEATH said:
> 
> 
> > Lighten up Francis, it's a postulated scenario of what "might" happen.
> ...


Slow down rookie, before you try to dictate what you think a "real" soldier is. How long did you serve? PM me if you'd like to discuss.

As for violence in dealing with an AP, it's true there are other ways to make that person feel some pain for their actions. But sometimes people just don't get it, and violence may be necessary. One of my fWW OM falls into this category, and let's just say I am creative in what I would do (i.e. final scene of the movie Inglorious Bastards).


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> Slow down rookie, before you try to dictate what you think a "real" soldier is. How long did you serve? PM me if you'd like to discuss.
> 
> As for violence in dealing with an AP, it's true there are other ways to make that person feel some pain for their actions. But sometimes people just don't get it, and violence may be necessary. One of my fWW OM falls into this category, and let's just say I am creative in what I would do (i.e. final scene of the movie Inglorious Bastards).


First off, all of the real soldiers I ever knew didn't brag, and didn't talk in movie cliche's. I haven't watched a war movie in 25 years. Second, there is nothing that I want to do less than remember the things I've seen and had to do, during my service. Sitting around telling war stories is another thing most soldiers don't do. Who actually WANTS to remember that sh*t? I think I have about 5 or 6 pictures of some of my buds and me, one piece,........and one hat. I have nothing else. No souvenirs, no veterans reunions, and my grandkids have my medals. I gave away all of my uniforms , except for one piece. It is the only thing that matters to a real soldier. Do you know what it is? I try really hard to keep from thinking about what I have done. So....no....I won't PM you and swap stories. What I did was my job....my duty.. it requires no thank yous, no applause, and no recognition. I certainly am not entitled to any special consideration, whatsoever.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

@Rookie4, I'm curious...

When, where, and in which branch did you serve?

I have no ulterior motive for asking. There's no subterfuge here.

I'm honestly just curious.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Time for a group hug...


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Time for a group hug...


My aunt Julie was (still is) a hippie and peacenik. She is, without doubt, one of the finest people I have ever known.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> My aunt Julie was (still is) a hippie and peacenik. She is, without doubt, one of the finest people I have ever known.


I'm not a hippie just trying to lighten the mood here a bit...


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I'm not a hippie just trying to lighten the mood here a bit...


That's OK. Being a hippie can be a fine thing. My aunt walked the walk, if ever anybody did.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> That's OK. Being a hippie can be a fine thing. My aunt walked the walk, if ever anybody did.


I have no problem with hippies as long as they shower regularly...lol


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Rookie4 said:


> MAJDEATH said:
> 
> 
> > Slow down rookie, before you try to dictate what you think a "real" soldier is. How long did you serve? PM me if you'd like to discuss.
> ...


Thank you for your service brother. Double thanks if you served in Vietnam as this country did a horrible job of appreciating the service and sacrifice of so many young people in the 60s/70s. 

And you are correct, some things you can't "unremember" so you bury them in the deep pockets of your mind.

Back to the topic, it's probably best that I deliberately make sure that I avoid a certain OM, as I might suddenly remember some things I did overseas.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Did any TAM posters actually do some harm to the OM/OW, whether physical or otherwise? Did it work if you were trying to scare them away in order to fix your M?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Perhaps TAM posters are silent on this issue so as not to implicate themselves.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I'm pretty sure that after 16+ years I'm not incriminating myself, so..

One OW was a work buddy. I caught them playing doctor in the bathroom of my home. I whupped the snot out of her and literally threw her out into the snow afterward.

One OW locked my kids out of the house and left them alone in a yard with a pool so she and my ex could screw while I was at work.. The kids were 6 and 1 years old. I caught her at my ex inlaws house. I didn't say a thing, I just punched her. I figure she knew what she did. The first punch knocked her off the porch. I don't remember much after that until my ex FIL pulled me off her.

Neither called the police. I'm pretty sure that was because of a combination of guilt and fear. Guilty for their behavior and fear of what I would do once released from arrest or jail.

Neither fight was about ex or the marriage. The marriage was a joke and I didn't love the ex. The first was about stabbing me in the back after I opened my home to her and the second was about my kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

We both called the AP's employers and ratted them out - also, their parents and their siblings... 
My AP and his wife were doctoring their son at a nearby hospital. They have since moved 4 hours away. I'm thinking my husband threatened to kill him if he stayed or why would he go?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I was at lunch when OM walked up to me and started in on me about how I was treating my cheating wife and that they were only "friends". I told him to leave me alone twice. He would not shut his damn mouth so I did it for him (just a right upper cut - no real damage). I then walked to the city police station, confessed what I had done, went before the magistrate (my uncle) paid the $100 fine for disturbing the peace and went home.

Best $100 I ever spent. Oh, it was only an EA that I know of and it was 25 years ago. I did not even know what an EA was at the time. Wife never mentioned it although I know the story was all over our small town within hours. I told her a few days latter and also added that if she wanted to be "friends" with him I could no longer be her husband - her choice. But I was not going to wait very long before I made that decision for her. One week latter she told me she would never talk to him again.

Edit: I was seated in a booth and he was standing beside me verbally berating me. I stood up and told him to leave me alone when he poked me in the chest with his finger. That physical contact is what set me off and is why I did not get into too much trouble. The magistrate said that the poke was assault and what I did was considered self defense. But I still had to pay the "disturbing the peace" fine.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

There are too many "other people" to seek revenge on. 

I blame my ex for his decisions. I wanted to bring him shame by everyone knowing what he had been up to. I told him he had to out himself to his family and our close friends or I would. He did tell them, but only part of the story. They all came running to support him. None of them have called me to this day to see how I am doing or if I need anything....i.e. dinners out, providing furniture and household goods (which he didn't even need), daily check-in's to make sure he is ok. I was the bad guy for kicking him out. Amazing.

It probably helped that he played the suicide card. He says no one reached out to me because I am strong and give off the vibe that I don't need it. ugh...

So I learned the revenge was not really worth it.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Some days I think how great it would be to creatively use a Louisville slugger on a particular OM who lives/works in the same town as me. You cannot hide damage to the face and he would have to explain what happened to everyone he encountered. His W told me she was surprised that this hasn't already happened to him, knowing his behavior.
Of course, he would probably make up some story that he fought off 5 attackers in a robbery attempt, being the narcissistic ass clown that he is.
Oh well, a guy can dream can't he?


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I want to do harm to my own OM. Does that count?

I wish he'd get hit by a bus most days. 

He's gotten 3 DUIs, I wish he'd get another (without hurting anyone of course) and end up in jail for a long time.

There IS actually a way that I could get him into legal trouble.....I will not say what it is.......I've often thought of "anonymously" placing a call to the police to get him locked up.

I often want to punch him in his smug ****ing face.

I wish my husband HAD knocked him out. If my husband went over there with a baseball bat, I'd stand there and cheer him on. 

I'm paying the ultimate price for what I have done. I'm losing my marriage and my family is splitting up.

This mother****er has had zero consequences. His fiancé still married him, his friends (who were also my husbands friends) stuck by his side, he looks at this as "it's in the past" and has zero remorse for what he did to my husband (who was at the time his best friend). Yes the ultimate blame falls on me, I married my husband, not him. But still, he walks away unscathed while my husband, children and our families all pay the price.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> I want to do harm to my own OM. Does that count?
> 
> I wish he'd get hit by a bus most days.
> 
> ...


*So what would be inherently so wrong in anonymously tipping law enforcement off, more especially if he has, indeed, committed an enforceable crime?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *So what would be inherently so wrong in anonymously tipping law enforcement off, more especially if has, indeed, committed an enforceable crime?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It could get 3 other people in trouble as well unfortunately. I'm not sure how much these other 3 are involved but due to the nature of the offense, it would be hard to prove they WERENT involved and I'm afraid to make them pay for it too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> It could get 3 other people in trouble as well unfortunately. I'm not sure how much these other 3 are involved but due to the nature of the offense, it would be hard to prove they WERENT involved and I'm afraid to make them pay for it too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Were "the other 3" equally culpable in the crime, or did they have prior knowledge of its occurrence; or were they merely "covering up" in some way?

As always, the burden of proof in any such criminal matter rests solely with the state, and as such, it is their duty to prove a crime was indeed committed!

Having established that, if "the other 3" really had nothing to fear, then what inherent harm could ever come from their being interviewed by the authorities, other than for possibly having to testify for the state against the criminal perpetrator(s)? *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> It could get 3 other people in trouble as well unfortunately. I'm not sure how much these other 3 are involved but due to the nature of the offense, it would be hard to prove they WERENT involved and I'm afraid to make them pay for it too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then the other three would have to blame the guilty party, right? And that isn't you.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Were "the other 3" equally culpable in the crime, or did they have prior knowledge of its occurrence; or were they merely "covering up" in some way?
> 
> As always, the burden of proof in any such criminal matter rests solely with the state, and as such, it is their duty to prove a crime was indeed committed!
> 
> ...


The other 3 definitely know what he is doing. It has to do with a work computer. The work computers are shared, but to my knowledge, he is the only one who contributes to said crime. The others do KNOW, but I don't believe they partake in the actual activity. 

I am not sure what the actual charge would be, or how serious of an offense it would be. But with my limited knowledge, he would definitely be facing SOMETHING. My fear is the other 3 would be charged due to sharing the communal work computer and knowing about the activity and not reporting it themselves.

I will PM you....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Then the other three would have to blame the guilty party, right? And that isn't you.


I would imagine yes. And no, the guilty party is definitely not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> The other 3 definitely know what he is doing. It has to do with a work computer. The work computers are shared, but to my knowledge, he is the only one who contributes to said crime. The others do KNOW, but I don't believe they partake in the actual activity.
> 
> I am not sure what the actual charge would be, or how serious of an offense it would be. But with my limited knowledge, he would definitely be facing SOMETHING. My fear is the other 3 would be charged due to sharing the communal work computer and knowing about the activity and not reporting it themselves.
> 
> ...


If they know he is committing a crime and allow him to get away with it?

Under UK law that would probably be "aiding and abetting." And they'd deservedly get punished if found guilty.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Arbitrator, I cannot PM you. If you can PM me, I will respond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> Arbitrator, I cannot PM you. If you can PM me, I will respond.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*While somewhat understanding your position/situation, I have no real further inquiry!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Losing him, you lost me somewhere. So you are mad at the OM for contributing to the breakup of your family after an A. Unless you were drugged, brainwashed, or hypnotized, shouldn't you bare an equal amount of blame? Should your H have to clean up your problem, or can you clean it up yourself? I don't know your background, but dropping a dime on the OM for inappropriate computer usage might be a good start.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Or invite him to drive over and have a bottle of whisky and a bottle of vodka waiting.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> Losing him, you lost me somewhere. So you are mad at the OM for contributing to the breakout of your family after an A. Unless you were drugged, brainwashed, or hypontised, shouldn't you bare an equal amount of blame? Should your H have to clean up your problem, or can you clean it up yourself? I don't know your background, but dropping a dime on the OM for inappropriate computer usage might be a good start.


 No no no. I bare more than the equal amount of blame. I'm the one married to my husband, not him. Somewhere deep in the bowels of my thread is the entire story of my 60 second affair.

My OM was/is a predator. He knew my situation and unhappiness and preyed on those insecurities. I was manipulated and demanded by a master manipulator into doing what I did. I ALWAYS had the choice to walk away and didn't. That's my fault.

But my OM remains scum. I never did anything before and haven't since and won't ever again. I played into his manipulation and gave him what he wanted while simultaneously lowering myself and destroying my marriage.

I own that.

He never has and never will and still calls himself my husbands friend.

He deserves more than his share of hell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> The other 3 definitely know what he is doing. It has to do with a work computer. The work computers are shared, but to my knowledge, he is the only one who contributes to said crime. The others do KNOW, but I don't believe they partake in the actual activity.
> 
> I am not sure what the actual charge would be, or how serious of an offense it would be. But with my limited knowledge, he would definitely be facing SOMETHING. My fear is the other 3 would be charged due to sharing the communal work computer and knowing about the activity and not reporting it themselves.
> 
> ...



If you would like pm me with the information, it's possible I could help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Milligans1998 (Dec 14, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> And I would have the same attitude about a woman who beat the sh*t out of the b*tch who destroyed her life.


I did this exact thing. She pressed charges.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Hopefully this all worked out for you in the end.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Last summer, after finding out about all 4 OM, I made positive contact with all of them (or their wives) to discuss what happened, thru phone and text.
During IC, we determined that by making open, traceable connections with these guys, that would prevent me from ever tracking them down and causing extreme bodily harm, because I know that I would be the prime suspect to the police. And losing what I have by going to prison is about the only reason for not doing it. According to my attorney friend, I could expect the harshest sentence within the sentencing range of years behind bars, based on my very well known proficiency for killing during the war.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I would love to hear some stories about actual physical confrontations with the OM/OW. I can only live vicariously thu others as I would rather not go to prison. I have dreams sometimes about all the different ways I would do it, and of course I never get caught!

But let me ask this: would you inform the AP's spouse and blow up their marriage? What if it was more than 10 yrs ago?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MAJDEATH,

I met with OM-1 twice, the first time my W was with me, the second time his kids and one of mine were there. Nothing has happened yet, but he did give me his phone number and seemed willing to talk, I think if he tells me the truth there will be no further contact or consequences. 

As for the OMW from ten years ago please do that woman a kindness and let her know what happened, she is the only one in the dark of the four parties harmed by the affair. Write an email with a timeline for her. There are very few betrayed spouses on here who do not wish someone had done them this service. Cheaters continue to cheat if their cheating is not brought out to the light.

Tamat


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> I would love to hear some stories about actual physical confrontations with the OM/OW. I can only live vicariously thu others as I would rather not go to prison. I have dreams sometimes about all the different ways I would do it, and of course I never get caught!
> 
> But let me ask this: would you inform the AP's spouse and blow up their marriage? What if it was more than 10 yrs ago?




MAJ,

In post 27 I wrote about harming the OM, still want to but have hurt him in other ways. Seems he can't keep a job anymore, but that's not a concern you asked about. You asked about informing the spouse, on this I say YES. I informed OM's wife of the affair, and I did it in what I felt was a nice way. OM's wife did nothing to me or my family, therefore I tried to be nice when I dropped the bomb. Was she happy, obviously not, but I take solace in that she is unknowingly living a lie. OM would not have told her, my telling her gave her a choice, once I informed her it's on her to do what she feels is necessary. I wouldn't hesitate to inform a betrayed spouse in the least, I only wish someone had told me if anyone knew. 

As for the length of time? I would tell her, doesn't matter if the affair was ten hours, ten days, ten weeks, or even ten years. How do you know she isn't suspicious? How do you know she has tried everything and going crazy? How do you know she hasn't questioned her husband only to get lies and deception? How do you know she just needs one little fact and the last ten years become clear instead of foggy? Actually I'm surprised you haven't told her before now, I guess I'm bewildered as to what has made you protect the WS for. Is it because you were a WS yourself? I certainly hope you see how much pain your affair caused. I'm also bewildered because I think you are a man that makes difficult decisions with confidence, even if it places people in harms way, yet you don't know if you should tell a person their spouse is cheating? Of course you may not be what I thought you were either, that's not an insult to you, it's an insult to me as I can't get a good read on you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Never a good idea to meet the O/M I just saw red when he smirked when i confronted him cutting a long story short I'm lucky not to have been charged although I did get an enormous sense of satisfaction at the time, Once i had cooled down I realised I almost threw away my job house my freedom and access to kids had we divorced, Best just to make sure if you do R like we did that there is no further contact, I only went with the intention to tell him to stay out our lives but it soon escalated so the answer is and be honest with yourself will you walk away calmly with the sound of his laughter/jibes in your ears? if no then stay away


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

I did not confront the OM....he was single (there was no OMW, no close family, nothing) and a criminal whom was out on bail for armed robbery of a 7/11....I think if I had confronted him only I had something to lose....to date this bothers me....he is getting out in 6 months (the affair was 2.5 yrs ago) and if I find out he ever gets into a relationship or anything I wonder if I should tell on his sorry @ss....thoughts?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

If tomorrow I was diagnosed with inoperable cancer with 6 months to live, there would be some OM with a problem on their hands, one in particular!


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## Hurtconfusedtired (Jan 15, 2016)

Omg yes I had day dreams on how to even do it. But I'm also a firm believer in karma and just sit back and wait for karma to kick in. With that I did wait and she not only lost her husband over it but she lost her husband house car and kids o ya and her job over it all. Now that's what they need to feel a life of pain not to be put out of their miseries.


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