# Should I divorce???



## Vick (Oct 14, 2012)

I had never thought I would write about what I’m going through these days. But after reading couple of stories here, I believe I might feel better if I share my issues with you and read your comments.
I married my wife four months ago. At that point, we had been dating for a year and a half. Last summer I caught her lying me about a very stupid and small thing. That was the first time she lied to me and it really pissed me. After that, I started to notice some unusual behaviors of her. I can’t describe it but I just felt it. I felt something wasn't going as good as it used to be. So I decided to talk to her again. Firstly, she said I’m exaggerating as there was nothing wrong with her. But, after I pressured her, she admitted that there was a guy (engaged one) who was calling and texting her. But, as she said, she doesn't want to talk to him. So I thought it will pass and the guy won’t be calling anymore. But, as the time passed by, I didn't see any change on my (at that time) gf’s behavior. And I started to notice that her cell would always be on silent. I got the calling list of hers and seen she was calling that guy both, from work and from her personal cell. But he said she was calling him and asking him to stop bothering her. That didn't really make sense. Why would you call somebody to tell that person not to call you? It kept going on for couple of months and I continued to ask her and pressure her about her behavior. She would tell me bits and pieces and at the same time claim I know everything about what’s going on in relation to that guy, though I felt the need for her to stop and tell me everything that’s going on with her. Then she’d continue telling me how he’s still calling her but she wants to be with me only and I’m the only man for her. I tried to explain to her that lying and deceiving isn’t good for the relationship and offered to leave her alone if she would want to give it a try with him. But she refused it and didn’t want to talk about it. I also made up a trip one day and decided I would follow her to see what she’s doing during the day. And at the very same day, she meets that guy for lunch break. She was with a friend of hers so she wouldn't be seen alone with him. After I confronted her later, she said it was the first and only time she met him. At this point, I don’t know if I believe her.
Before we got engaged, I asked her to agree that she will never ever lie to me again. She agreed and she said that it was her life lesson that she shouldn't be talking to any other guy anymore without telling me.
After the engagement, she again lied to me about some stupid things that were related to this guy. And after marriage, she again lied to me. At this point of time, I feel as if all the anger of the world is in me. Although I asked her many times to tell me everything as if I knew nothing and try to discuss the roots of the problem, she’d say I know everything and there is no need to bring up those not-good memories. She didn’t feel good about what she did. Recently I realized that she kept in contacts with him for about six months. She’s claiming there was nothing there and it was just a friendship, that she met him only once and that she realized how bad it was of her. She also said that he asked her out many times and offered to leave his fiancé for her, she’s saying she said no to everything. She’s claiming that she always loved me and will always love me, although she admitted that she liked that guy at some point while talking to him. Although I have no proof she had met that guy again, I still cannot believe that she would talk and text to him for over six months period. And she would do that behind my back and behind the fact that I didn't like what she did. Having read what the text, would you believe she had nothing with the guy? Would you believe that people would talk for six months and start nothing more than just a talk? Is it possible there was nothing between them other than just talk? (any women insights). I have so much resentment in me. And I feel as if I will never be able to trust her again.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

After the engagment did she remain in contact with him?
In the marriage of four months, did she remain in contact with him?

I think you need counseling for yourself - to ensure that you have insecurities in your relationship with her. Are you sure you are not reacting out of jealousy?


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## Vick (Oct 14, 2012)

I never came through any proof she had been in contact with him after engagement and marriage. But, since she never told me when she really was in contacts, how am I supposed to be sure she isn't contacting him anymore?

I might need counseling myself. So I'm expecting to receive meaningful comments and insights so I know what to do next.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Vick said:


> I had never thought I would write about what I’m going through these days. But after reading couple of stories here, I believe I might feel better if I share my issues with you and read your comments.
> I married my wife four months ago. At that point, we had been dating for a year and a half. Last summer I caught her lying me about a very stupid and small thing. That was the first time she lied to me and it really pissed me. After that, I started to notice some unusual behaviors of her. I can’t describe it but I just felt it. I felt something wasn't going as good as it used to be. So I decided to talk to her again. Firstly, she said I’m exaggerating as there was nothing wrong with her. But, after I pressured her, she admitted that there was a guy (engaged one) who was calling and texting her. But, as she said, she doesn't want to talk to him. So I thought it will pass and the guy won’t be calling anymore. But, as the time passed by, I didn't see any change on my (at that time) gf’s behavior. And I started to notice that her cell would always be on silent. I got the calling list of hers and seen she was calling that guy both, from work and from her personal cell. But he said she was calling him and asking him to stop bothering her. That didn't really make sense. Why would you call somebody to tell that person not to call you? It kept going on for couple of months and I continued to ask her and pressure her about her behavior. She would tell me bits and pieces and at the same time claim I know everything about what’s going on in relation to that guy, though I felt the need for her to stop and tell me everything that’s going on with her. Then she’d continue telling me how he’s still calling her but she wants to be with me only and I’m the only man for her. I tried to explain to her that lying and deceiving isn’t good for the relationship and offered to leave her alone if she would want to give it a try with him. But she refused it and didn’t want to talk about it. I also made up a trip one day and decided I would follow her to see what she’s doing during the day. And at the very same day, she meets that guy for lunch break. She was with a friend of hers so she wouldn't be seen alone with him. After I confronted her later, she said it was the first and only time she met him. At this point, I don’t know if I believe her.
> Before we got engaged, I asked her to agree that she will never ever lie to me again. She agreed and she said that it was her life lesson that she shouldn't be talking to any other guy anymore without telling me.
> After the engagement, she again lied to me about some stupid things that were related to this guy. And after marriage, she again lied to me. At this point of time, I feel as if all the anger of the world is in me. Although I asked her many times to tell me everything as if I knew nothing and try to discuss the roots of the problem, she’d say I know everything and there is no need to bring up those not-good memories. She didn’t feel good about what she did. Recently I realized that she kept in contacts with him for about six months. She’s claiming there was nothing there and it was just a friendship, that she met him only once and that she realized how bad it was of her. She also said that he asked her out many times and offered to leave his fiancé for her, she’s saying she said no to everything. She’s claiming that she always loved me and will always love me, although she admitted that she liked that guy at some point while talking to him. Although I have no proof she had met that guy again, I still cannot believe that she would talk and text to him for over six months period. And she would do that behind my back and behind the fact that I didn't like what she did. Having read what the text, would you believe she had nothing with the guy? Would you believe that people would talk for six months and start nothing more than just a talk? Is it possible there was nothing between them other than just talk? (any women insights). I have so much resentment in me. And I feel as if I will never be able to trust her again.


You want to spend the rest of your life with this lying creature?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

When she was your GF and she lied about her relationship with this guy, you offered to get out of the way so that she could try to pursue something with him. She refused, but she continued to contact him and lied about doing it. Should have left then.

In your OP, you stated that she lied to you about some things related to this guy while she was engaged to you and then when you were married. Were her lies about contacting him during this time too? Is it still on going? You also stated that "if you read the texts, you would think that your wife and the OM were together". That sounds like an emotional affair and that you swept it under the rug. It also sounds like you rewarded her bad behavior and continued lying by getting engaged and then marrying her. 

Bottom line is that you can't trust her and you have no idea when you will ever be able to do that. Since you've been married only 4 months, maybe you can get out of the marriage with very little financial entanglements. I'd do this if I were you because you started your marriage on lies. That's not good.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Your post is a little confusing. If I have this straight, you married her knowing that she lied to you multiple times about another man. Everything you write indicates that she was having at least an EA with him. You didn't verify that it had stopped & got married anyway.

Because you know she is a liar, right now you can't believe a word she says. If you want to stay married, you will need to verify if she is still in contact with this man.

Hopefully the vets will chime in with what you should do to veryify.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You could ask her take a polygraph and by her reaction you might get your answere
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

She lied to you several times in the relationship, lied again while engaged...
and you married her? 

You were too lazy to see the warning signs.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Get the marriage annulled. 

Four months only? It can still be annulled. 

Marriage is a huge commitment, she will be your life partner. you already made her promise never to lie to you, she already did. 

Do you think its gonna get better. 

You may not have to break it off with her, but the marriage should definitely be annulled. 

She has to be 110% the woman and future mother shes gonna need and want to be. If shes anything less than she doesn't need to have the ring you bought on her finger. 

going back to dating isn't wrong.

I recently proposed to my GF, didn't get a yes cause she wants to work through all my issues first. Does that mean she doesn't love me? Know, it just means shes looking out for us and making sure we don't make any mistakes in our relationship.

I'll tell you again, annul and go back to dating.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You can't build a house on a foundation of sand.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

So you are together just a little under 2 yrs total....and she is involved in an EA prior to your marriage of 4 months. Your first mistake was marrying her. Why exactly did you do that? If you can answer that then I can advise you further.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Trust me when I say "get out now!"

As time goes on things will not get any easier with her. You should still be in your honeymoon phase...so to speak, but you're not. This woman you married has deep issues and flaws that will only grow in time. She is lying to you and emotionally abusing you.

A lifetime of happiness together involves complete openness and honesty...from the beginning. You never had this.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Decimated said:


> Trust me when I say "get out now!"
> 
> As time goes on things will not get any easier with her. You should still be in your honeymoon phase...so to speak, but you're not. This woman you married has deep issues and flaws that will only grow in time. She is lying to you and emotionally abusing you.
> 
> A lifetime of happiness together involves complete openness and honesty...from the beginning. You never had this.


Decimated is right get out now with minimal problems. You should be able to get an annulment I mean do youreally want to wonder where she is and with whom?


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