# Afraid to become my mother



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I went through this period of time as a pre teen/teen and I hated my mother. Everything she did bothered me. Then I grew up and I appreciated her. However... I still take active steps to prevent myself from becoming like her. (Which isn't really that possible). 

Is it normal to be afraid to turn into our mothers?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Oh yeah, I think so! LOL. Just in certain ways though. I'll even catch myself reacting to something and I think "OMG. I'm turning into my mom!".


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I truly hope my W doesn't turn into my MIL! I can see some similarities, but for the most part I see enough differences. Likewise, some of my MILs behaviors/actions are more driven by her environment/marriage which is very different from ours.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I feel like we all turn into our mothers in some way or another. We are predisposed to it. There are some things I do that I just can't deny... Wow I am turning into my mother!!


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I truly hope my W doesn't turn into my MIL! I can see some similarities, but for the most part I see enough differences. Likewise, some of my MILs behaviors/actions are more driven by her environment/marriage which is very different from ours.


OMG Agree.

If my wife turned into my MiL in some areas? Shoot me now.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

The question isn't so much "Is it normal to not want to turn into your mother", but rather why that is such a repugnant thought. 

The repellency of that reveals that whatever it was that enraged you so much as a pre teen and teen is still there for you and obviously interring, and you should try to understand and resolve it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

katiecrna said:


> I feel like we all turn into our mothers in some way or another. We are predisposed to it. There are some things I do that I just can't deny... Wow I am turning into my mother!!


 It depends.. 

I'm so different over my Mother.. 

She herself has made comments how she can't believe I even came from her.. saying "You are ALL YOUR FATHER" ... this generally happens talking about something, maybe some issue in the news & we find we have no common ground at all.. I take a more conservative / responsibility approach and see her as a "bleeding heart".. ..

She loves the city, I love the country, she is attracted to A-holes (why she never found love), I like Nice Guys, she never cared about family, that's all I wanted in life, she's not very feminine, never wears a dress, or uses make up... that's all ME, she is very impulsive, flies by the seat of her pants , then lands in trouble..

I have a need to think things out before I make a move... if she sees black.. I see white.. 

Though there are some things I get from her that are harmless -like I don't like sleeves, I hate a turtle neck...we both love a good Drama... she is very healthy for her age.. I'll take that part.


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## hartvalv (Jul 2, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I went through this period of time as a pre teen/teen and I hated my mother. Everything she did bothered me. Then I grew up and I appreciated her. However... I still take active steps to prevent myself from becoming like her. (Which isn't really that possible).
> 
> Is it normal to be afraid to turn into our mothers?


Katiecrna, I do believe it is extremely normal to not want any negative influences passed on to you, (or your children, if you have any) from your mom.. That's healthy.

Your question struck a nerve with me. Though I have never hated my mother, I do admit to having a strong dislike against my mom's attitude towards life in general.. She has taught me so much about life, and how to live lovingly and wisely and merciful towards everyone.. For that I am thankful that she is my mother. I would of never learned had those things had she not been my mother. 

Bless you for still being able to appreciate your mom!


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## rileyawes (Jun 28, 2016)

I think it's natural. Most of realize that our mothers are decent people. I read something that posits that what we don't like in people who are close to us are things that we already see in ourselves. I think that means that in trying to become our best selves (which at worst can lead to perfectionism), we reject someone else because it's easier, although we are actually rejecting ourselves in some small measure, because of these similar habits. With me, there are many ways that I'm like my mother, and many ways that I'm not. Even her most annoying habits are present in me, just toned down, in my eyes. 

Remember being a teenager and saying "when I'll have kids, I'll never do" whatever thing she was doing to piss you off? It's not because you hate your mom or she was necessarily doing anything wrong, but because you were in touch with your feelings and didn't want your kids to feel the same way, usually powerless, unheard, or treated unfairly. Those are generally, I think, the main negative feelings we have about our parents when we're young, whether or not they're based in fact.

However, watch out that you don't pull a Rachel from Friends: "oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming. "


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