# Wife leaves for another WOMAN? Please help!



## sadfirefighter (Jan 31, 2009)

I am glad to have found this forum. It seems to be such a great place for venting, support, and a general safety net of sorts! 

I am in love with a walk away wife and up to my eyeballs in alligators right now. W left 2 weeks ago saying she had to find herself. This was after I had noticed her spending hours upon hours on her cell phone talking and texting in the 2 weeks prior to that. I told her I felt a huge void emotionally and that we should work on it. That's when she dropped the bomb. I asked if it was someone else-specifically the woman I suspected. She denied it. I confronted her that the cell bill shows otherwise (293 pages of text messages to this one person). She then admitted it. 

Since she moved out we have had several verbal and texting exchanges mostly dealing with business of the household. She wants everything split up during the separation and I have accomodated her. Now she says she is angry with me and confused about her own feelings and scared. I received the following from her just yesterday. 

" I really don't want to speak to you at this point except that I need the cell phone transferred in my name and I need the remaining items of mine out of the house. I don't have anything nice or decent to say right now. Any conversation I have with you will be less than rational or constructive. I hope that you will respect this. I understand I am doing things you don't agree with. I understand you have been hurt and are angry w/me. I am sorry for hurting you. That was never ever my intention. You are a good man and I love you for the man that you are. I do not understand what I am going thru right now. It is very scary and confuusing but I have to have answers before I can make rational decisions. If you want an attorney and a D now, then I guess you can decide that and I will split the cost with you. I will be back around 3 tomorrow if you want to meet me at the cell phone place and switch the account."

So what does all this **** translate to? I have told her I love her and don't want a D. I have told her I will give her space. But in this case her "space" involves going out with this other woman....and I am just supposed to turn a blind eye to this? :scratchhead:The OW is also married with children! I am contemplating telling her husband one night when the two of them are out "exploring". 

This woman is cutting my heart out piece by piece and I just don't want to hurt any more and I just don't want to hurt her. Am I stupid for this? Should I just go ahead and move on and dump her? I thought I knew her so well after 10 years and now this!! Just goes to show you, life is full of surprises. 

Any advice? Sympathy? Words of encouragement? I could sure use them. Thanks!


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Ok, here it is you asked for advice." You don't want to hurt anymore" That's understandable none of us wants to hurt but we have to hurt before we get better or over our exes. You say you don't want to hurt her, quit worrying about her and concentrate on you. Are you stupid, hell no, it's just your natural emotions coming out. Go ahead and move on with your life, learn from this, and know that life has many more surprises in store for you.


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## ptty2005 (Jan 31, 2009)

never throw your pearls to a swine. I have, and its a tough go. You cant make someone love you and deep down you dont want to....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I am sorry your wife cheated on you and that it is tearing you up inside. Until she makes the decision to change it will not. It doesn't sound like she is willing to do this. Right now the person you need to worry about is you. Take up those hobbies you have always wanted to, hit the gym etc. Anything to get a bit of your mind off of this and a way to work out the frustration. Take care of yourself and find your identity again. Maybe things will change in the short of things, but it is doubtful. Either way if you take care of yourself you will be better off for the future.

draconis


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## now_what (Sep 17, 2008)

Yes indeed, life is full of surprises. My husband left me after 30 years for a biker chick he had known for 2 months at the time. The hurt does leave you reeling. I agree with Draconis, try to focus on yourself at this time. I have been trying to do this, but there are ups and downs and they hit you at unexpected times. For some perverse reason, it does make me feel a little better to see that I am not the only one who this has happened to - not that I wish it on anyone - but I guess to see that it does happen more often than you would think, and that you can get over it and move on with your life.


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## Kbobby (Feb 5, 2009)

Sorry to hear of your predicament.

Your wife seems very adamant abt what she wants with the other woman. There seems to be a strong pulling power from that woman too.

How long have both of you been married? Were there any major issues that lead to her 'finding space'? Are you able to identify them? There could be something here that can help you understand her thoughts/ feelings. 

In the meantime, take care of yourself. 

yup2life.com
KB


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## husbandinthemking (Oct 3, 2008)

Yep. Go out and find youself is theonly answer at this time. Sorry. She has told you in so many words without tyring to hurt your feelings too much.

It does suck and hurts badly, I know.

Want to get back at her for dong this to you? Then go out and have a great time and ignore her completely. Show her you care about her feelings, but you think it's over for good and you are moving on. Tell her to have a great life and you wish her the best.


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