# How do they become strangers so suddenly?



## aqua123 (Feb 3, 2012)

How does a WS become such a completely different person seemingly overnight? Especially those who are "committed" to R one day and then the very next, they decide they would rather have the AP and a whole new life? 

Sometimes I just sit and scratch my head and wonder where my husband went. The man I see now is just a shell. My husband is no longer there.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Because they could be hurting but don't want to show it. They mask their pain and make you the bad guy so it's easier for them.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

This is one of those "why do bad things happen to good people?" questions but I'll give one option.

My second marriage failed. We both loved each other. We were both Type-A personalities... quite used to succeeding at what we set our hands to. We did not give up easily. But we could not overcome the basic incompatibilities. That was a horrendous divorce -- a _loving_ divorce???? *shudders*

For me, we didn't "go away" suddenly. We lost sight of each other gradually and over time. There was a long series of decisions... each of them small... that got us down the path to divorce.

It's possible that your husband feels pretty much exactly as you do. "The woman I see now is just a shell. My wife is no longer there? Where did she go and why?"

PS: I'm not clear on WS and AP, I assume R = relationship. I hope I didn't garble it all *laughs*


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Jeff/BC said:


> PS: I'm not clear on WS and AP, I assume R = relationship. I hope I didn't garble it all *laughs*


WS = Wayward Spouse
AP = Affair Partner
R = Reconciliation

And, just for good measure:
BS = Betrayed Spouse
OM/OW = Other Man/Other Woman
OMW/OWH = Other Man's Wife/Other Woman's Husband
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gear1903 (Apr 2, 2012)

aqua, i know how you feel. in being very open with my WS after she revealed her EA, i found out that the feeling of disconnect and unhappiness had been building for a very long time - she was just very good at internalizing it. so by the time she told me how she really felt, it had already been years that those feelings had been building up. for me, it was a complete shock.

the problem was because our communication was poor, she allowed those feelings to fester and everything i did simply added evidence to the feelings of neglect she had. so now that it is all in the open, i fear nothing can change her mind because it was so many years of internalization and building defensive walls. presence of OM doesn't help...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

makes you truly wonder how much what you originally thought of your spouse was actually a false front


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## aqua123 (Feb 3, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> makes you truly wonder how much what you originally thought of your spouse was actually a false front


That's the real kicker....which side of him is the lie? The man that I lived with and loved or this new stranger he has become?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well the one thing you do know for certain

he's a liar and two faced


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