# how some sexolgists messed me up



## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

Somewhere, I think more than once, I have read things from sexperts (seemingly of the feminist sort if I recall correctly) that calls into question the whole idea of orgasm from penetration. 
The idea got in my head from reading this stuff that women really only get there from stimulation of the clitoris (oral sex etc.). I vaguely recall even seeing the phrase "myth of the vaginal orgasm".

Fine. I like oral sex and I like the idea of clitoral stimulation. 

But I can't get my wife to respond to oral sex or any other kind of clitoral stimulation. Now, I have been with a lot of women and I don't think it is a problem with my methods (oral worked fine with my ex-wife). She also doesn't seem to want to use her own hands. 

Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises.

Every now and then I wonder about this. Is it normal? Does it mean she is missing something? How could those sexologists be so wrong? 
From those things I once read, I would even wonder about whether she was even achieving orgasm at all 
---except that it just is pretty clear that she is and if I ask about it she is really annoyed at me and explains that this is just the way it works for her and my worrying about what is normal is just a turn off. Mentioning sex psychology or surveys pisses her off especially.

Well, so I will ask if this is really so uncommon and also what's up with those sexologists that seem to be implying that my wife can't really be having orgasm from penetration only.
I can hear them say that yes sometimes -rarely-penetration alone seems to work (via indirect stimulation of the clitoris) but that the very idea that only penetration (and not oral) works is "impossible" and may mean my wife is a liar or brainwashed by male-centered expectations. 

Is my wife really different or unique?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

That's a very 70s kind of thinking, and I'd be surprised if a reputable sex therapist was still telling you that.

Yes, I have powerful vaginal orgasms -- I prefer them to the clitoral kind, tell truth.


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

lamaga said:


> That's a very 70s kind of thinking, and I'd be surprised if a reputable sex therapist was still telling you that.
> 
> Yes, I have powerful vaginal orgasms -- I prefer them to the clitoral kind, tell truth.


That is what my ex-wife said. But it is not just a preference in this case. She (my current spouse) almost acts like there just is no clitoris, or that it is inside somewhere. 

oral just bores her (or occasionally frustrates her--"OK, OK, just put it in now")


I like the idea of "ringing her bell" but I may as well be stimulating her thumb. I suppose it seems "dead" which is a weird feeling. But then there are those big orgasms from penetration, so something must be alive down there somewhere.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I'm with Lamagra. Clitoral orgasms are passable, but I could honestly go the rest of my life without oral. It only does anything big for me if I've already had a vaginal orgasm. I can, and generally do have multiples from penetration, in just about any position.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Hmm, denying you have a clitoris IS kinda weird.

She doesn't have it pierced or anything eh?


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

If we go too long with only oral, or toys, or masturbation, my W will eventually tell me it's time to make with the penetration. And by "go too long", I mean twice or more in a row. And I'm no slouch in the oral department, multiples are not uncommon. But even with that, she enjoys penetration far more than anything else, and she constantly tells me this. So I don't think your lady is all that strange.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

It's not abnormal at all. Stimulation of the G-spot, and cervix if you're well-endowed enough, are incredibly pleasurable. Personally, it depends on my mood whether I enjoy clitoral G or cervical, but I can see how any women would be particular to just one.


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

COGypsy said:


> I'm with Lamagra. Clitoral orgasms are passable, but I could honestly go the rest of my life without oral. It only does anything big for me if I've already had a vaginal orgasm. I can, and generally do have multiples from penetration, in just about any position.


well, the puzzle I want to focus on is not so much the presence of vaginal orgasms but the complete lack of response to clitoral stimulation (I have had 20 years to try variations of technique too and a string of lovers before that that responded fine).


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

I've never had an orgasim during sex. Only while stimulating my clit. 
Not sure why, but it makes me sad thinking I might be missing out on something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

MarcoPolo said:


> well, the puzzle I want to focus on is not so much the presence of vaginal orgasms but the complete lack of response to clitoral stimulation (I have had 20 years to try variations of technique too).


Can't help you there, except to point out what you already know...people are different.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is no one thing that works, or does not work, for all women.

Trust what you wife tells you works for you.

I only have orgasms from clitoral stimulation. I've had as many as 15 or so very intense (mind blowing) ones in an session of sex.

I have never had an orgasm form penetration only. But I live mixing penetration with clitoral simulation. That works well.

Each of us is different . The trick is to find out what gets your wife off and do that. And don't second guess yourself or her.

"Experts" be handged!


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Hmm, denying you have a clitoris IS kinda weird.
> 
> She doesn't have it pierced or anything eh?


well, she doesn't really deny that it exists. It just feels that way to me sometimes. To be honest, there may have been a couple times when she seemed to feel it, but it just made her anxious for the penetration to start.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's a real turn off to have your response compared to others.
Maybe that's the issue, and the more you press it, the more it's going to be the way it is. Every time you attempt to go clitoral now, she is going to be thinking ohhhh, here we go, if I don't respond I'm going to have my sexual response (which is something I own and works for me so who the h*ll cares how it works for anyone else) compared to others. Instead of a wife and lover I am now a scientific experiment and oddity. 

For me, it's ALL good. So long as it is mentally good.
I don't understand why you are getting all scientific about something like this, that doesn't need to be. What do you think people did before these surveys and information? They did what worked for their spouse/lover. And they didn't overthink it and ruin it for their partner by comparing them to others. Who cares what works for others? And if you're justifying it by saying you doubt your W is really having an O, if she's not that's her business. If she's faking it then no matter what you say or do, it's not going to make any difference until she decides to make a change. It's nobody's business to play sex therapist, not even for a partner, unless they're invited along for that journey.


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## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

lamaga said:


> That's a very 70s kind of thinking, and I'd be surprised if a reputable sex therapist was still telling you that.
> 
> Yes, I have powerful vaginal orgasms -- I prefer them to the clitoral kind, tell truth.


Thank God you changed your avitar. Your old one creeped me out every time I seen it.

My wife is the same. She usally prefers vaginal over clitoral. A lot of times she doesn't like or can not climax from clitoral. She claims her body has to be in the mood.

As far as how she gets there it is usually 1 or 2 times missionary with pillow under her butt and legs up sometimes over my shoulders, depending on if she can handle deeper penetration. And then 1 time with her laying on her stomach with a pillow under her hips and feet on the floor (rear entry). 

When we are in a dirty mood anything can happen except anal penetration on either one of us. These are what we call fun sex nights. Anything goes as long as each is okay with it.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

MarcoPolo said:


> Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises.


Someone's got to say it: are you 100% sure she's getting off, and not just giving you an "Ooh, ahh, give it to me, big boy" according to a standard formula in order to get YOU off and stop bothering her?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I have read that 75% of women orgasm through the clitoris only, but as others have said, the only thing that matters is what your wife likes.

Does she masturbate? If so, are her orgasms always vaginal?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Maybe she is SUPER sensitive on her clitoris and that makes her just want you inside her. That happens to me once in a while, although it's always after my clitoris has been manipulated in some way for a while.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

lamaga said:


> That's a very 70s kind of thinking, and I'd be surprised if a reputable sex therapist was still telling you that.
> 
> Yes, I have powerful vaginal orgasms -- I prefer them to the clitoral kind, tell truth.


:iagree::iagree:


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

MarcoPolo said:


> well, the puzzle I want to focus on is not so much the presence of vaginal orgasms but the complete lack of response to clitoral stimulation (I have had 20 years to try variations of technique too and a string of lovers before that that responded fine).


So in all your past experience, have all of your lovers liked exactly the same thing when it comes to say....stimulating their breasts/nipples? Or did some like things one way and others like something different, or some not care much at all about breast play? Or react the same way to having their ears played with? 

We're all different and it has absolutely nothing to do with your skills, ability or endurance. It's just how we're wired.


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> I have read that 75% of women orgasm through the clitoris only, but as others have said, the only thing that matters is what your wife likes.
> 
> Does she masturbate? If so, are her orgasms always vaginal?


See I read the same thing. 
My ex-wife did not masturbate (religion) and had orgasm first by pentration and then only much later by oral. 

My current wife apparently does not masturbate at least not anymore (another thing that bugs me). Once, a long time ago, we watched a porn video together and she followed my lead and rubbed herself while watching. It seemed like at one point she rolled over on her side and closed her eyes to finish it up but it also seemed like she was mainly pushing fingers into herself.

I can't give a lot of answers because she doesn't like talking about it (or "analyzing" it as she puts it).
She likes sex but not talking about it --especially while or after it is going on.


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

Sawney Beane said:


> Someone's got to say it: are you 100% sure she's getting off, and not just giving you an "Ooh, ahh, give it to me, big boy" according to a standard formula in order to get YOU off and stop bothering her?


See! Something about this makes people doubt!
Me too but I think it is this sexologist dogma getting me.
But......

I don't know how to be 100% sure but here are some things I consider:

1) She makes a very personal unique odd noise that doesn't sound like anything she would have heard on a movie or TV. So it doesn't seem like she is trying to sound a certain way. She isn't imitating anything.

2) Sometimes she doesn't cum (once in about every 20 times) and has no problem admitting it. She says she didn't quite make it but it still felt good.

3) If you are going to fake it, why not fake it for oral too? She knows I want that to work too.

4) She knows that I want her to have multiple orgasms but she never has more than two well separated ones. Usually, she says it only happened once but she gets close when i try for number two. If you are going to fake it, then why not make up the second orgasm too? 
On the other hand, if she had never really had an orgasm at all, then how would she know the difference between almost having one and having one? What would be the criterion for saying (on those rare occasions) that she didn't have one?

5) She isn't a good liar and tend to not say things just to please me. She is more into the "this is the way I am, like it or leave it buddy" type thing.

6) The suggestion that after all these years she has been faking it and I still don't know makes her really annoyed (not sure what this proves but is it true).


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

MarcoPolo said:


> See! Something about this makes people doubt!
> Me too but I think it is this sexologist dogma getting me.
> But......
> 
> ...


Okay, buddy, listen up.

YOU ARE MAKING PROBLEMS WHERE NONE EXIST.

Can I say that any more clearly?

Keep it up, and you'll drive her away.


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

MarcoPolo said:


> But I can't get my wife to respond to oral sex or any other kind of clitoral stimulation. Now, I have been with a lot of women and I don't think it is a problem with my methods (oral worked fine with my ex-wife). She also doesn't seem to want to use her own hands.
> 
> Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noise.
> 
> ...


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> I have read that 75% of women orgasm through the clitoris only


It's these kind of so-called statistics that have MarcoPolo so perplexed in the first place. The numbers are wrong (in terms of being misleading rather than non-factual) because at least 80% of that 75% of women don't know that they CAN have vaginal orgasms. Research results like this don't explore or experiment. They simply gather information, which is misleading to those who don't know the right questions to ask.



Sawney Beane said:


> Someone's got to say it: are you 100% sure she's getting off, and not just giving you an "Ooh, ahh, give it to me, big boy" according to a standard formula in order to get YOU off and stop bothering her?


In addition to MarcoPolo's response to this question, I want to add that I dismissed it outright due to his description that she always wants the same position. That tells me that position is what works best for her whereas, if she were faking it, she'd fake any position at all to get him to the finish line and stop bothering her. Just my own personal assurance on his behalf that she's not faking.



MarcoPolo said:


> well, she doesn't really deny that it exists. It just feels that way to me sometimes. To be honest, there may have been a couple times when she seemed to feel it, but it just made her anxious for the penetration to start.


I think this is the key right here to finding a possible answer for you, MarcoPolo. I think your wife is extremely sensitive. Some women are. If it helps to imagine a comparison, men who are not circumsised are much more sensitive than those who are. For men though, that CAN mean the feeling during sex is that much more intense and therefore, that much more pleasurable. For women, however, extreme sensitivity is way TOO intense to the point of being unbearable........to the point of annoying. It still feels good but is not to be borne.

Since you keep comparing your wife to previous lovers, then another example is a woman who utterly enjoys oral to the point of orgasm with a man, such as yourself, who cannot pleasure his wife in that same manner. I had a boyfriend once who really liked going down, but I really hated when he did. This was my early years, so I didn't know any better. I didn't know he was doing it wrong, and I didn't know to teach him to do it any differently. I just thought it was a part of love making, so I endured it as long as I could until I had to stop him. The problem was that he concentrated entirely on my clitoris, and he flicked it with his tongue quite a lot. Geez, that was annoying because a woman's clit is too sensitive to bear stimulation in such concentrations. 

It still serves the purpose of stimulating a woman sexually. Therefore, your wife that much more wants what she knows will bring her utmost and enduring pleasure that is capable of taking her to the finish line. Yet another example is, I read here a few weeks ago a man saying his wife orgasms within 2-3 minutes of penetration. He also stated that after she cums, she can't take him any more, so he has to withdraw, which basically leaves him out in the cold. That woman is even more sensitive than your wife. 

Remember how your previous lovers would abruptly push your head away after oral orgasm? That's because the clit becomes uber (a word to describe extreme sensitivity that is more than extreme) sensitive then. And that's the way that guy's wife is immediately following her vaginal orgasms. She is so very sensitive that she cums quickly but then can't stand to be touched afterward. If I recall correctly, that guy stated his wife didn't like oral, like your wife doesn't like oral. Being so extremely sensitive, they cannot bear the intensity of clitoral stimulation in much the same way I described the feeling from my previous lover and much the same way a woman's clit cannot be touched immediately after oral orgasm.

It doesn't appear your wife is quite AS sensitive as that guy's wife, in that you don't say she pushes you away immediately after orgasm. It just means she does not fall within the 80% of that statistical 75% of women who do not have vaginal orgasms. To explain why there are so many women who don't know they can have vaginal orgasms would take an altogether different novel than the one I've already written here, but I will say that at least one of the reasons is that some women are not as sensitive as others. As has already been mentioned, not all women are the same. Some might say that not all women are as lucky as your wife. I, personally, enjoy both orgasms and am very happy I discovered I am capable of both.

I hope I helped you to understand your wife a little better although I fear that despite my effort, I still couldn't explain it well enough.


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Okay, buddy, listen up.
> 
> YOU ARE MAKING PROBLEMS WHERE NONE EXIST.
> 
> ...


1) I never said it was necessarily a problem. Since I found this site and I was curious about it, I thought I would ask.

2) She isn't reading this site and I although I have asked about this once or twice before, I have also been with her 20 years so it isn't like I am bringing it up all the time and making a big deal.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

ummm

MarcoPolo, did you get the message from my post that your wife's high sensitivity is the reason she doesn't like oral? I made that correlation in effort to explain it down to that being the reason, but I realize I didn't specifically state it.


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

River1977 said:


> ummm
> 
> MarcoPolo, did you get the message from my post that your wife's high sensitivity is the reason she doesn't like oral? I made that correlation in effort to explain it down to that being the reason, but I realize I didn't specifically state it.


I got it and I have wondered about it but then most of the time if I do oral she just doesn't respond at all. 

An interesting fact is that she was more into me stimulating her using my hand once when she was drunk. 
(For those having read my other thread about my wife being drunk; The cancun trip before this recent one she also got a bit drunk one day but that time she was super excited about me and we had the best sex ever. That time she wanted me to use my hands down there--unusual for her. She also remembered it that time.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I think those sort of theories were thrown out some time ago. Scientists suddenly 'discovered' what women have (no doubt) always known - vaginal orgasms exist!

Your wife probably prefers the position she does because it affords better stimulation of her G-spot. You might like the idea of clitoral, but it's probably best to go with what works for her...


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Well I prefer the 'no vaginal orgasm' thory to the 'clitoral orgasms are immature' Freudian nonsense.

Anyway, I don't have vaginal orgasms, I don't have a G spot. I do always orgasm from penetration though, as my husband has developed a technique where he positions himself so that my clitoris is stimulated with each thrust.

Your wife does sound unusual, but as long as she's enjoying it and you're enjoying it, happy times!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aussiechick (Jul 1, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with your wife. Oral sex for me is nice but I am part of the lucky few that come easily from penetration. I think its great being able reach a proper climax same time as my man. Those that say g spot is a myth are so wrong, so so wrong. All women are different. Enjoy your woman!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I once viewed a short porn video of my ex with one of her many studs and she was really getting wild with the game he was giving her. Never witnessed anything near that when I was with her, so it may well be who the individuals are with when it happens.
Everybody is different and there's no point in continuing to do what isn't working.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think because the clit it so accessible many young girls learn or train themselves to orgasm that way. and some even refuse to explore other ways to orgasm.

just like men can use such a string grip that they have trouble orgasming with vagina sex. they have trained themselves to need that kinda of stimulation to orgasm.


not in every case but I do think this can be problematic.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> Your wife probably prefers the position she does because it affords better stimulation of her G-spot. You might like the idea of clitoral, but it's probably best to go with what works for her...


Yup. Don't take it personal. You do what works for her, she (ideally) does what works for you, and have fun.

Is there any chance that she has some sort of shame regarding oral? Religious teachings, mom saying "good girls don't", etc.?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aussiechick said:


> There is nothing wrong with your wife. Oral sex for me is nice but I am part of the lucky few that come easily from penetration. I think its great being able reach a proper climax same time as my man. Those that say g spot is a myth are so wrong, so so wrong. All women are different.


Agree all the way up to where you said "proper climax". No reason to make women who cannot have vaginal orgasms like that feel inferior. Also no reason to perpetuate the myth that oral sex is inferior or "dirty" vs. penetration.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

I am a little confused? When people say "oral" do they mean oral without digital penetration? Why?


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> I've never had an orgasim during sex. Only while stimulating my clit.
> Not sure why, but it makes me sad thinking I might be missing out on something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been with a few women in my life, and I get to hear all the sexual adventures/problems of about 20 young women I go to class with. From what I have seen & heard, many women are like this. An O is an O is an O. The difference in O IMO is the intensity and duration.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Clitoris - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

8,000 sensory nerve endings there!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> I've never had an orgasim during sex. Only while stimulating my clit.
> Not sure why, but it makes me sad thinking I might be missing out on something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The G spot isn't as prominent in all women, apparently, so not all women are able to orgasm this way. The trouble is that it can make women who can't feel somehow pressured into thinking that they should, rather than enjoying the orgasms they're already experiencing. There's nothing wrong with a clitoral only orgasm; in fact it's my guess that it's more the norm for most women.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Vanton68 said:


> I have been with a few women in my life, and I get to hear all the sexual adventures/problems of about 20 young women I go to class with. From what I have seen & heard, many women are like this. An O is an O is an O. The difference in O IMO is the intensity and duration.




Quite an interesting take Vanton.
But like the OP's wife,my wife has more intense orgasms from penetration Sometimes it's so powerful , her contractions force me out. She likes oral,and will get an O. But if there is no penetration she gets upset.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

MarcoPolo said:


> Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises.
> 
> Every now and then I wonder about this. Is it normal?


Yes. This is how her body works, so it's perfectly normal for her.




MarcoPolo said:


> Does it mean she is missing something?


Not if she's happy with it. She would probably be missing more if all she got was oral, since that doesn't seem to do much for her.

I can relate. As I've gotten older, I have lost sensitivity in my clitoris, which is common. Oral doesn't work so well anymore, but firmer stimulation - manual or a vibe - still do.



MarcoPolo said:


> How could those sexologists be so wrong?


They weren't wrong. She just falls in the other smaller percent of women who don't need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm.

Hey - I'm glad they actually are doing research and studies on this stuff. It wasn't that horribly long ago that it was thought that women didn't even really need to be satisfied at all, and there were likely a lot of people who only found out how to orgasm purely by chance.



MarcoPolo said:


> Is my wife really different or unique?


Well, about as different and unique as all of the rest of us.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I think because the clit it so accessible many young girls learn or train themselves to orgasm that way. and some even refuse to explore other ways to orgasm.
> 
> just like men can use such a string grip that they have trouble orgasming with vagina sex. they have trained themselves to need that kinda of stimulation to orgasm.
> 
> ...


My husband and I have done plenty of exploration. I don't have a g spot, and anyway, the g spot is still connected to the clitoal tissue so technically all orgasms are clitoral.

And why is it problematic?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

Update:

Today we had sex and since i was thinking about this puzzle of her inability or disinterest in the clitoris I decided to try extra hard to make the clitoral orgasm work. Here is how it and the discussion that followed went: 

I gave her a very long massage. I stayed away from her breasts and vaginal area for a good 15 minutes. Then I only occasionally "accidentally" got closer. 

I then added in kisses. 

After a while I had removed her clothing and had my hand in her crotch. I was going very lightly and stayed on the outside for a while. I was nervous to check if she was wet (she is 55 years old so that isn't a given). It turns out she was wet and I used my fingers near her clitoris for a while.

She didn't complain but was making no moaning noises. 

I kissed her stomach and worked my way to her clitoris. 
She let me give her oral (also not a given).

I have been consistently succesful with this in past relationships so I don't think is is technique but just to be sure I had read some articles and watched some videos about good oral technique the night before (it always explained like what I try to do anyway). 



I started out very softly and not directly on the clitoris. I varied things, made circle and so on. I caressed her stomach and legs with my hands and put her hand on my hear to encourage her to give me physical feedback as far as pressure etc. 

Anyway, there quickly came the time as always that she told me to "put it in". I told her to let me stay a while and asked her to "just go with it".
She did. 
It went on for a while and I slowly got a little more agressive.
She moved around a bit for a short time but made none of her pleasure noises.
The once again she asked me to put it in.

I did and she started gradually with her usual unique pleasure noises and then then got more agressive with her hips and louder and started pulling my butt to get me to go faster (this is exactly as usual).
She then orgasmed and I was still in missionary position. She almost never comes until we go doggy.
After she came she asked me to go from behind (that how we say it).
So we changed positions and she got very verbal and noisy and grinding with hips etc. She came again (I asked later to know exactly when she came and she said "once in front and once from behind" which is what it had seemed like to me). As usual, it seems like she is cumming really hard and very definitely.

After it was over I asked her agiain why the oral doesn't work. I asked if she thought I was doing it wrong.

She told me (as she always does) that it isn't really that sensitive on the outside and that the sensitive areas are inside for her. 
(I refrained from bringing up any physiology sexology or sex surveys)

I asked if maybe she was perhaps just too sensitive and maybe it was just irritating. She said no, the sensitive area is just inside ---but admitted it does get sort of irritating if I stay with the oral for too long.

I told her I wished I could get her to feel an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and she told me (as always) that it probably won't happen. 
Now she is angry that I am unhappy even though it was so good for her (two big O's according to her). 

I layed there silently thinking weird thoughts like "maybe she was born with her clitoris inside out or something." 

I know it is shallow and maybe misguided, but her being "different" isn't a good feeling somehow. It seems freaky.

So things are the same as always. I am left wondering and she is pissed.

Comments?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Now she is angry that I am unhappy even though it was so good for her (two big O's according to her). I told her I wished I could get her to feel an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and she told me (as always) that it probably won't happen.
> 
> I layed there silently thinking weird thoughts like "maybe she was born with her clitoris inside out or something."
> 
> ...


I think she's more likely to be unhappy because you're over-analyzing how she reaches orgasm, OP. Perhaps your wife isn't as 'different' as you think, and you're making her feel self-conscious. Why does it matter so much to you that she prefers vaginal orgasms?


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> I think she's more likely to be unhappy because you're over-analyzing how she reaches orgasm, OP. Perhaps your wife isn't as 'different' as you think, and you're making her feel self-conscious. Why does it matter so much to you that she prefers vaginal orgasms?


I don't know why. But it isn't just that she prefers vaginal orgasms. She has never had anything else. It is the weird perhaps irrational overreactive notion of a broken clit that sometimes bugs me. 
Maybe it isn't broken but it just has to be indirectly stimulated by penetration in such a way that she doesn't realize it and just (mis)perceives the center of pleasure as being inside somewhere since that is were the force is happening (the force inside being her brains biggest clue as to where the pleasure is located).


I am willing to buy the idea that the clit is doing the work anatomically even if it is perceived to be elsewhere. There are other things like that is proprioception I think. 
I just wish I knew this to be the case as it would be reassuring.

Edit: Others, please read my prior post and the OP. I could still use more perspectives.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

The clitoris is not just the bit on the outside. Clitoral tissue extends either side of the vaginal canal, if you measure it, it's actually as long as the average penis. So it's perfectly possible that your wife's most sensitive area is in a different part of the clitoris and that it is best stimulated from within the vaginal canal.

But seriously, let it go. It just shouldn't be this big a deal and you're going to end up making your wife feel anxious and defective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## floxie (Jun 22, 2012)

MarcoPolo, it seems to me that your biggest fear is that your wife is not actually orgasming, or that she's possibly faking it. Both of those options are plausible, sometimes women don't orgasm, sometimes they fake it.

I think a way for you to try and put your mind at ease is to finger your wife doggy style in the same way that you woul if you were having intercourse with her. If she realy does orgasm, you should feel the inside of her vagina contracting/pulsating around your fingers for a few moments, along with a slight increase in moisture. That really can't be faked. If she makes all the orgasm sounds and seems to have orgasmed but you feel no pulsing, moisure increase, it is possible that she could be pretending. It's also possible that she doesn't actually no what an orgasm feels like, therefore she assumes that feeling good down there is the same as an orgasm. I used to think that...

I've never had a non clitoral orgasm...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarcoPolo (Jun 25, 2012)

floxie said:


> MarcoPolo, it seems to me that your biggest fear is that your wife is not actually orgasming, or that she's possibly faking it. Both of those options are plausible, sometimes women don't orgasm, sometimes they fake it.


The question of her faking it was discussed above and there seems to be many reasons to think she isn't. The main points are

1) If you are going to fake it then why not fake it in every position and also fake it during oral also?

2) She occassional tells me that she didn't quite make it and on those occasions assures me it felt good anyway. This doesn't fit with faking or with never having been there. How would she know the difference and why would she decide to not fake it on those occasions? 

3) After she has reached orgasm one or maybe two times she will let me go on for as long as I like and still makes some moaning noises but can't reach orgasm again --why not just fake it?

4) Knowing her personality, it is hard to imagine 20 years of faking it.

5) She has a unique thing she does with her breath that sounds like nothing she would have ever heard on movies. She sort of holds her breath for a fraction of a second and lets it out in short effortful bursts. It isn't just a moan and it is unusual to the point of almost being weird. I can't get that to happen with just any position.

6) Some are clearly much better than others. 

7) If she almost orgasms from the front and then reaches it after we change positions, I can't tell which one was the complete actual orgasm. She was very noisy both times. What is interesting here is that she is utterly amazed that I can't tell which one or when it happened. 







> I think a way for you to try and put your mind at ease is to finger your wife doggy style in the same way that you woul if you were having intercourse with her.


I've done as much. She won't orgasm that way, it immediately stops if she is in the middle of one, I can't make the transition fast enough and it breaks her mood since she hasn't a clue what the heck I am doing it for.

As far as contractions, I don't think all women are aware of the contractions specifically as contractions if a lot of heavy penetration is happening. 

In fact, she once told me that she woke up half laying on the couch from a dream while spontaneously orgasming and was surprised to feel fast light fluttering contractions. At that point she would have known what a real orgasm was but she said it felt otherwise the same as all her orgasms. 


In anycase, if what she is feeling isn't a full real orgasm, it still sounds like a much bigger sensation than anything I have ever felt. My orgasm kinda just happens but doesn't rock my world like that. If I do make noise, it is probably me just playing it up for her. I am more prone to faking things in life than she is by far.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Lyris said:


> My husband and I have done plenty of exploration. I don't have a g spot, and anyway, the g spot is still connected to the clitoal tissue so technically all orgasms are clitoral.
> 
> And why is it problematic?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


not problamitic for me. :smthumbup: I'm game for anything :smthumbup:


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