# Just told he needs time out



## bluelilly (Jul 13, 2011)

My husband just told me that he needs space to think (he is on a business trip which he has extended). When I asked about timeline, he said he does not know. What would you do?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would start by NOT calling him/begging him/bombarding him with phone calls.

Is there someone on the side? Is he having an affair? 

Decide what YOU want.


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## bluelilly (Jul 13, 2011)

No, there is no third party involved.

I think I need to become very strong emotionally and also confident. Not sure how to do that when all I feel is pain and just want to crawl into a corner and cry. Any suggestions for strategies in this situation?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

She probably on the trip with him. Check phone logs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to get out of the house and keep busy. 

What else is going on in his life? Has he been acting weird lately? Have you felt distance?


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

Do not overload him with phone calls, txt messages or anything. He has asked for space. What he is doing on the trip...I can't say but you need to at least give him the space he has asked for.

When he comes home, just be honest with him of how your feeling, but MAKE SURE you ask how he is feeling about everything. If he doesn't say much, don't push him to open up. One of the worst things you can do it push a man to do things.

As I said though, explain your feelings to him. And make sure you stay honest.


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## bluelilly (Jul 13, 2011)

He tells me that he wants to figure things out and that he has also contributed to our situation. I think he is a bit depressed and just lost his way a bit. He says that if he comes back now, he is worried that things will return to what was before, I guess the routine of life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What part have you played in the state of your marriage? Find out and work on it.


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

When did you 2 start to lose communication? 
Sounds like this problem has been going on for awhile.

And just because someone in a forum said he is having an affair, dont jump on him about it.

Maybe he is, yes it kind of sounds like it but who knows. You would have a better idea of that than anyone sitting on this side.

Talk about your feelings, his feelings, and what is going on in his life. And I am sure the answer will come to you. If not, you can always just bluntly ask. 

While he is gone, take care of yourself, don't lock yourself in the bathroom crying. Get some fresh air and be with your friends and family. Give your emotions time to rest. When he gets back, talk to him.


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## bluelilly (Jul 13, 2011)

I so appreciate your replies.

The response about 3rd party has really jolted me. I don't think there is but can anyone be 100% sure...

Yes I have contributed to the problems. I wonder if my realisation has come to late. I think if he gave me a timeframe, I would have more hope, somthing to work towards. But he says he is unable to.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well if he is unable to give you the decency of letting you know WTF is going on, time-wise, then you need a quick wake-up call. 

This doesn't sound good. (What he is up to). Something is off, in my opinion. 

Get into some counselling for yourself if you can to help you deal with this, call your friends, support system and treat yourself well.


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## bluelilly (Jul 13, 2011)

This is the big question. Is it normal that he cannot give me a timeframe? My thought are now everywhere, could there be someone else or is it possible that there is none else involved and he is truly trying to figure things out.


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## Morrow (Jul 13, 2011)

bluelilly said:


> This is the big question. Is it normal that he cannot give me a timeframe? My thought are now everywhere, could there be someone else or is it possible that there is none else involved and he is truly trying to figure things out.


Sorry to say it lilly but I doubt he is trying to figure things out, I am not saying that there is someone on the side but it seems to me that he is hiding something. In my experience if someone needs space then give it to them. But I would personally be very worried since a lot of relationships end when one of the two decide they need a timeout. 

Sorry for being blunt, But I think you need to hear it and consider your options.


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## bluelilly (Jul 13, 2011)

I am worried and it feels like the rug has been pulled from under my feet. Now I know the meaning of how life can change in a second :-(

If i was to give him time, how much would you suggest?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Do research first. Check phone texts and emails. Look at credit card and bank statements. Does he visit this area often? Is he self employees? If not, what did he tell his boss?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bluelilly said:


> This is the big question. Is it normal that he cannot give me a timeframe?


It's extremely normal for a wayward spouse.


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

Well it is hard to say whether its normal or not for him not to give a time line. If he is in a rut in his personal life, then yes it is normal. Because he has no idea whats going on either. On the other hand, if he isn't happy anymore or something like that, then I would say he just wants to get away.

As how much time to give him? Well wait till he is back from his business trip and talk to him face to face about it. You don't have any idea how long it is suppose to be?


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## LonelyIrish (Jun 5, 2011)

Well, if it's any use to you, my wife bolted on me 6 weeks ago. I still don't know where she is staying, but after 3 weeks or so we met up. We're in counselling now. She is coming to the house tomorrow for the day. We're both trying to get the marriage to a stage where it has a solid foundation.

Your husband has issues. You know him better than anyone here and yes, an affair is a possibiltiy, but I hate the way this place automatically assumes this is the case. 

As other said, I think you need to give him his space. Look after yourself. Eat well, talk to family and friends and try to get to a stage where you can both agree that you want to make the marriage work.

I've had some counselling sessions now, and I can see that we were not communicating at all. I can even see that her moving back would be a bad idea at the moment. I think 3 or 4 more sessions, another month or 6 weeks, and then we may be in a position where we know each others wants and needs a bit better. You'll have plenty of time now to think and in a couple of weeks he may be willing to talk and then you need to start counselling together. I doubt this is something you can fix without outside help.
I was a blubbering wreck 6 weeks ago. I thought life was over, but then after some weeks I realised that we were in a rut, we needed a jolt and if it works out then great, and if not then ithats life and I know I'll be ok now. You will be the same in a few weeks.
Good luck anyway!

LI.


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