# First post and needing help



## Headache2011 (Feb 9, 2011)

Hello All,
First off a lil about myself and my wife. I will be 42 in March she just turned 40 in December. We've been together since Jan. 01 and married in Sept. 02. We have two children, 4 and 7. She works full time and lots of hours and I went from full time to part time after our second was born so I could raise our kids. Wife makes more money than I so I decided to be Mr. Mom and work at night. I wouldn't change it for the world being able to watch my babies grow up. So yes I do all the laundry, mopping, bed making, grocery store runs, cooking yard work, general cleaning and everything to do with the kids, homework, baths etc. etc. She works alot of hours and I know it's tough on her and I try to do whatever I can to make it easier but here's where the relationship starts to not work. Now maybe I'm selfish I don't know that's why I got on here to figure all this out. She is pretty much a sex camel, anothers words she can go without it for months. I on the other hand could go everyday twice a day. Before kids we had sex prolly one to to times a week and it was good. She'd wear sexy panties, sometimes surprize me when I got home from work etc. etc. Now no sexy underwear, no surprizes, no fun moments. It's like a period, comes once a month about the same time and you pretty much know it's gonna be the usual. She doesn't like her breasts touched saying it tickles, she maybe will give me oral about once every 3 months never has finished and never will. I of course do it to her everytime I get. Only one position(missionary) Says I'm too big for doggie or any other position(sorry maybe TMI there lol). She doesn't and I repeat doesn't lol masterbate. I got her the rabbit years ago and maybe she used it 4 times with me and I can say only have I noticed it used once. It's in the drawer and never moves. I thought she might be cheating on me cause the lack of sex over the last year or two so I bugged the room just to rule that out so no cheating and no handling her on business. So I jokingly ask her to ask her Dr. to see if this was normal and her Doc said it was, I'm like WTF? Yes I've tried talking to her about it till I'm blue in the face. I've tried to make it more fun in different ways. Even made a sex box where there were different things written down on what you did to your spouse.. never used it once. Given her 2 hour long full body deep tissue massages and could so tell she was horny but in the end no sex. Sex is to us" ok kids are asleep what do we have to watch on TV"? Ok pause it and we'll come back to it and that's her saying that lol. We hardly kiss or cuddle when we see each other. She's not a touchy, feely type of woman. Even during sex. Me I like it but just go with the flow. Right now I'm tired of the flow, I'm tired of having to look at porn on the net all the time, btw she knows about it. I've even said ok goodnight dear I'm going to go look at porn and she says have a good time. I have asked her if she is still in love with me and if she is still attracted to me, her answer is oh of course hunny. I workout 5 days a week cause I wanna look good for her and my health but she never notices. I always tell her how beautiful she is or sexy she is but you know what I get"shut up your just saying that". So if ya got this far in my long ass vented newsletter lol then thank you very much and whatever advice ya'll can give I'd appreciate it.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

My guess is your wife is probably just tired and stressed from all the work that can have a strong, negative effect on your libido.
I don't think its anything abnormal or suspicious.
I would just say be patient, loving and hope that your spouse compromises some on quality/quantity of sex. 
I know its hard to adjust to hamburgers when your used to steak, it was a tough adjustment for me too (and not just in the bedroom, but in all aspects of life, to go from being her "everything" to a "sideshow"). But I'm sure she does love you, and if she could flip that switch sexually, she would. 
Don't switch off emotionally, don't berate her about the subject,and don't start the self-pity party (as easy and natural as a reaction that is, it doesn't help anything AT ALL). Just understand we all go through peaks and valleys in our relationships. 
If your wife does truly love you, she'll come around.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Headache2011 said:


> Hello All,
> First off a lil about myself and my wife. I will be 42 in March she just turned 40 in December. We've been together since Jan. 01 and married in Sept. 02. We have two children, 4 and 7. She works full time and lots of hours and I went from full time to part time after our second was born so I could raise our kids. Wife makes more money than I so I decided to be Mr. Mom and work at night. I wouldn't change it for the world being able to watch my babies grow up. So yes I do all the laundry, mopping, bed making, grocery store runs, cooking yard work, general cleaning and everything to do with the kids, homework, baths etc. etc. She works alot of hours and I know it's tough on her and I try to do whatever I can to make it easier but here's where the relationship starts to not work. Now maybe I'm selfish I don't know that's why I got on here to figure all this out. She is pretty much a sex camel, anothers words she can go without it for months. I on the other hand could go everyday twice a day. Before kids we had sex prolly one to to times a week and it was good. She'd wear sexy panties, sometimes surprize me when I got home from work etc. etc. Now no sexy underwear, no surprizes, no fun moments. It's like a period, comes once a month about the same time and you pretty much know it's gonna be the usual. She doesn't like her breasts touched saying it tickles, she maybe will give me oral about once every 3 months never has finished and never will. I of course do it to her everytime I get. Only one position(missionary) Says I'm too big for doggie or any other position(sorry maybe TMI there lol). She doesn't and I repeat doesn't lol masterbate. I got her the rabbit years ago and maybe she used it 4 times with me and I can say only have I noticed it used once. It's in the drawer and never moves. I thought she might be cheating on me cause the lack of sex over the last year or two so I bugged the room just to rule that out so no cheating and no handling her on business. So I jokingly ask her to ask her Dr. to see if this was normal and her Doc said it was, I'm like WTF? Yes I've tried talking to her about it till I'm blue in the face. I've tried to make it more fun in different ways. Even made a sex box where there were different things written down on what you did to your spouse.. never used it once. Given her 2 hour long full body deep tissue massages and could so tell she was horny but in the end no sex. Sex is to us" ok kids are asleep what do we have to watch on TV"? Ok pause it and we'll come back to it and that's her saying that lol. We hardly kiss or cuddle when we see each other. She's not a touchy, feely type of woman. Even during sex. Me I like it but just go with the flow. Right now I'm tired of the flow, I'm tired of having to look at porn on the net all the time, btw she knows about it. I've even said ok goodnight dear I'm going to go look at porn and she says have a good time. I have asked her if she is still in love with me and if she is still attracted to me, her answer is oh of course hunny. I workout 5 days a week cause I wanna look good for her and my health but she never notices. I always tell her how beautiful she is or sexy she is but you know what I get"shut up your just saying that". So if ya got this far in my long ass vented newsletter lol then thank you very much and whatever advice ya'll can give I'd appreciate it.



Sounds like you've been ideal. But you apparently haven't communicated to your wife strongly enough just how important this is to you, and how detrimental it can be to your long-term relationship. Sounds like you have to be more forceful. She won't make it a priority unless you make her make it a priority.


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## Headache2011 (Feb 9, 2011)

IanIronwood said:


> Sounds like you've been ideal. But you apparently haven't communicated to your wife strongly enough just how important this is to you, and how detrimental it can be to your long-term relationship. Sounds like you have to be more forceful. She won't make it a priority unless you make her make it a priority.


Trust me I have talked to her about it and she seems to make it about me saying I'm wrong for expecting sex after she works all the time. She openly admits to me that I'm last on her list. She says it's not right but that's how it is. From her stressful job to the kids she says there's not enough time in the week for me. I don't know if I should just get mad and be an ass about it since it's not working? Thinking not since I'm not that kind of guy. We never fight or yell but prolly have a few disagreements a year and those usually are about sex. My next thought is to just blow her off when she does want to have sex. Look up some of those women excuses lol. See if that has an impact. It would be hard to do cause having will power after not having it for a month would be tough but if it's to get her attention I can live with internet porn to hold me over.
Effess, I'm tired of being the patient one. Maybe I sound selfish but it takes two to make it work and I'm willing. Nice example of how **** goes. I had been buying and selling car parts for about 4 years to buy myself a cycle cause I knew she'd never let me buy one using my paycheck money. So I realized her 40th was coming up so I decided the right thing to do was tell her to go to Diamonds Direct to get her engagement ring redone since she's been wanting to do that for a long time now. I had saved 4000 but she only knew about 3000 thanks to my 7 y/o. So I'm thinking ring redone and trade in on her old stuff prolly 1500. Welp lets just say it came to 3200 and I'm betting she spent that much so I couldn't get a cycle. All my cycle money pretty much wiped out. Same week sent her to Pittsburgh to watch the Superbowl with her family and I stayed behind to take care of the kids and the new kittens. No big deal really on both but do ya think I got a lil extra if any luvin? No I get thanks your the best husband and a hug. My ring is gonna be gorgeous. Even when she got home from Pittsburgh no luvin. So maybe I'm getting played, maybe she thinks I got it made since I only have to work PT. I gave up managing the food and bev depts at a country club to do it PT, like I said wouldn't change it. So I don't know what to think or do. Thank ya'll for listening and for your answers.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

perhaps she just doesn't take your needs seriously. it almost sounds like ur being completely taken for granted. you said you guys dont have the screaming yelling kind of fights - maybe you need to throw a fit - i mean really raise your voice, throw some stuff and let her know in no uncertain terms "THIS SH*T HAS TO STOP!". 
We all can get complacent and forget the needs of our spouse. Don't be a complete a-hole about it, but you sound like someone whose being taken for granted. I have no doubt she loves you, but she doesn't appreciate what she has. Whatever waysyou've used to communicate this haven't worked. So change up your method.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

If she tells you that you are last on her list, behind work, chores, even your kids, that is a BIG problem. In my eyes, your spouse comes before everything. The rest is noise, literally for the kids 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headache2011 (Feb 9, 2011)

hubby said:


> If she tells you that you are last on her list, behind work, chores, even your kids, that is a BIG problem. In my eyes, your spouse comes before everything. The rest is noise, literally for the kids
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 They need to put a like button in threads like this like on facebook cause you said it perfect Hubby. :iagree:


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