# Can someone help me figure out WHY it was a good idea to confess infidelity?



## amigo1 (Dec 11, 2010)

After struggling for a long time with the decision to confess and against the advice of everyone I confided in NOT to tell him I was unfaithful in the past, I did it anyway. The reasons people didnt think i should confess is because he had done a lot of things wrong too, including cheating. 
Whether we want to admit it, we are all dishonest in some ways. For example, we dont go up to a sick dying person and say gee you look like your ready to die soon. Why?, becuase most of us dont want to hurt others.
Well now everyone is telling me I told you so, you shouldnt have confessed. At the time I felt in my heart it was the right thing to do as I think not telling had created an unspoken about tension between us. In my mind I thought maybe he wanted to know becuase he had asked on occassion if I had been unfaithful. but now I am not so sure.
Did I cross the line by being too honest or was it the right thing to do?


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## vadu2006 (Jan 24, 2011)

amigo1 said:


> After struggling for a long time with the decision to confess and against the advice of everyone I confided in NOT to tell him I was unfaithful in the past, I did it anyway. The reasons people didnt think i should confess is because he had done a lot of things wrong too, including cheating.
> Whether we want to admit it, we are all dishonest in some ways. For example, we dont go up to a sick dying person and say gee you look like your ready to die soon. Why?, becuase most of us dont want to hurt others.
> Well now everyone is telling me I told you so, you shouldnt have confessed. At the time I felt in my heart it was the right thing to do as I think not telling had created an unspoken about tension between us. In my mind I thought maybe he wanted to know becuase he had asked on occassion if I had been unfaithful. but now I am not so sure.
> Did I cross the line by being too honest or was it the right thing to do?


There is a saying in German: 'Was ich nicht weiß, macht mich nicht heiß' = Things I don't know can't upset me.
After you had so many problems initially, you probably wanted to see if his love was real, i.e. you wanted to check his ability to forgive.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

amigo1 said:


> Can someone help me figure out WHY it was a good idea to confess infidelity?


Ask your _soul._ Suspect that is what made you confess, it was being crushed carrying that weight.



amigo1 said:


> was it the right thing to do?


I think you already _know_ the answer.


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

It was absolutely the right thing to do and you know that in your heart. The right thing does not mean that it's the easy thing.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I agree, you did the right thing, it tells me that you value your relationship and yourself..
I would suggest you just keep telling your wife that you love her and that the two of you need to just work on your relationship together.
It never works when you have affairs, it's painful and it really does a number on your self esteem.
You two have made mistakes. Now stop and concentrate on your marriage. You can over come this and make your lives together great, 
Don't anguish about telling the truth the truth is always the right thing...................


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

jessi said:


> Don't anguish about telling the truth the truth is always the right thing...................


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Now use this shared truth to move forward--with or without him.

Deception does no marriage any good.

It is not the equivalent of sparing the dying further pain.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I am glad you chose to confess, I guess my personal opinion is depending on situation, I am not here to judge, I have made my mistakes, as my husband has. My personal opinion is to disclose everything, assuming other party is wanting to hear it all. Good luck to you!!!!


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

are you aware that when you get married, you become one? 

Everything you do effects him, everything he does effects you. There is no you, there is no him. There is us, we our and thats it.

Once you start in with the " me me me" you cease to be "we"

no we = no marriage.


now... Why did you tell him? because somewhere in the depths of "me me me me" you realize that there is still a "we" trying to surface.

I should put that on a fortune cookie.

Anyways, short and sweet, there is your reason.


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

It was the right thing to do, absolutely. Clears the energy and allows you to focus on what IS. And you owe him nothing less than honesty. Kudos to you...most spouses don't have the guts.


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## thetwoofus (Feb 17, 2011)

My wife held her secret for 10 years and out of the blue she slipped up.It took many months to get the truth.When l had the truth it still hit me like a tonne of bricks even though it was 10 years ago. I beleive the key is for you to be a part of the ride your husband will be on. He will heal and forgive and it will be easier if you are with him.There will be up and down days but thats all part of it.

You say you got advice from others? Hope it wasnt freinds as you have put them before your husband. Ours is a secret between the two of us and nobody else

This is why this site is so good


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