# Is my wife cheating or am I paranoid ?



## Husbandjohndoe (1 mo ago)

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for almost 3. We have 2 children. One is 9 years old and the other is a littler over 1. I never thought she would cheat on me. She’s never been that type of person. She’s always been extremely caring, extremely nice and always been committed to me. I’ve never questioned her loyalty and commitment until now. She’s was probably the most loyal women I’ve ever met. She still may be that’s why I’m looking for some advice.

I guess how I see everything starting was June last year she gave birth to our son. Everything seemed perfect/Normal . Just living and doing our daily routines. A few months go by and I just start noticing her pulling away being more distant day by day . Starts picking at everything I do . Saying things like I don’t help enough with the baby ( but did not like how I did anything ) felt like I was help but maybe not enough. Maybe I could have done better.

We just seemed to be getting into arguments everyday about something and she would say how unhappy she was and that she’s doesn’t want to be with me anymore or that she deserves better. I’m definitely not perfect but I didn’t think things were that bad between us. I don’t know I just had a feeling something wasn’t right. One night she had Christmas party she had to work/host. She got very dolled up but seemed like she was avoiding me completely before she left so I went to her car and found underwear kinda tucked behind the driver seat(Nothing sexy at all).

She had a valid reason that we put our laundry in the car to do it . Kinda just dismissed it but it made me worry a little. Also almost forgot she would text me pretty frequently throughout the day just with little updates here and there and that slowly went away completely. so I went on her phone maybe a few days after finding underwear in the car. Didn’t find anything like her talking to anyone but I did see that she ordered thongs. And the 11 years I’ve been with her she’s never owned not 1 thong. I also seen that she googled how to turn off her location on her phone which I thought was weird. She said why can I have hers but she can’t have mine . But I didn’t even have her location. But she insists I’m lying and that I did. When I asked her about the thongs she just went straight for “can I have any privacy” . I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say that word to me until then.

So lots of little changes and I flat out ask her if she was cheating. And she blew a gasket. She was very angry that I would ask such a thing. Which I could see being innocent and being mad about that for sure but I also see the other way around too. A little times goes by and I took her car to get a hair cut and I noticed our polaroid picture she had of us wasn’t on the dash of her car . For some reason it was on the floor in the back on the passenger side . With everything going on I’m super suspicious over everything. I don’t see how it could gotten In The back at all. She won’t even drive with the windows down. I asked her and she couldn’t explain it at all. I definitely got upset thinking she was cheating .

When I told her what was wrong she was like, I thought your barber said something because people gossip and stuff which was something weird to say. She’s says it’s all in my head and I’m being paranoid and insecure. While these things are happening though we were getting worse . She was unwilling to communicate with me . The disrespect got out of hand. Was very cruel and uncaring. Calling me things like pathetic, insecure sensitive, schizophrenic a joke, Almost every name/ insult you can think of. One that cut deep was she insulted my man hood.

Saying I have a small **** (I do not . That comment made me go online and do a lot of research about my self. I’m above average. hearing that from your wife hits deep. Also gas lighting me when when I asked her questions or tried talking about cheating . She would ignore my texts most of the day while she was at work Or just reply super short responses . The disrespect towards each other was bad. I’m guilty of saying nasty things also. Definitely not an angel my self . Another new thing was she started to lie a lot.

Something that I don’t believe she did before , even about small things . Like about situations with other men from her past. Would lie about purchases she made . Lied about missing my calls saying she never got them but they were on her phone when I checked . Would lie and say she’s not lying about something she lied about . She would lie about things that I seen her do and say I’m crazy and I’m making things up . Really made me question my reality and all my thoughts with the amount of lying that she did . She’s also never been the type to master-bate but then she started to master bate and lied saying she doesn’t when I asked . But then would come clean about some things like a week later .

So with most of this going on I started to see a therapist and psychiatrist taking medication for depression and I could not stop thinking about all the weird coincidences and how she was acting . Not knowing was driving me crazy. My self asteem was at a all time low .feeling very insecure in my self and my relationship. I know this is getting long and it’s a lot to read so I’m gonna just put down a few more things that I noted down that lead me to think she was having some type of an affair . When we would make out she started using tongue when we usually just kiss with lips ,we were having sex maybe once every 2 weeks and when I accused her of cheating we had sex a lot more .

Almost every day for a month straight. But the sex was different. It seemed way more passionate. She enjoyed it alot more then usual . It’s hard to explain but it was much better for the both of us.(She says I was paying more attention to her then before) Probably the best sex since we’ve been together . I don’t understand what changed her she’s never had a super high sex drive until then

. Went through GPS she had an Italian restaurant In her searches . She said she parked there on her lunch break after getting Pizza Hut because didn’t have good reception for her phone . She also had a saved ping on her maps . It was a random house . She could not explain it . Did a little research about who lived there . Doesn’t seem like anything I Should be worried about.

It was kinda in a neighborhood close to her route home from work .but something weird about that is to take this way home it took about an extra 10 minutes to get home. It was just a long way home that was a little out of the way . She stopped taking that way home and said she didn’t know that there was a faster way. She uses the GPS for almost everything.

There’s no way it would’ve taken her that way. Turns out someone she used to talk to in the past has a friend that lives in that same neighborhood that the ping was and he’s there often. 

She would hang up on me when driving in this area even when I asked her not to she would blame her phone service . and it would be hard to get ahold of her for like 5 min . i talked to this guys wife and they have been having problems within the same time frame also. My wife almost said his name on accident in a conversation and corrected her self before finishing saying his name .

Once I was texting her how I feel about everything and expressing things and I got another text from her after her regular reply saying “More like too much” so I don’t know if that was for someone else . It was completely out of context. When I asked her she flipped on me . But said she was just distracted with work .one time I came home early and when I walked in. She would not break eye contact from her phone she was trying to get rid of something very quickly on her phone . Didn’t even look at me when I walked in .

I’ve done a lot of online searching. She has ALOT of signs of cheating . Focusing on Looks . Dying hair . It’s a never ending list. There’s plenty more things that I could put down. I’ll just do one more. We were at a waterpark. And I seen her eyes glance down at a mans crotch. I called her out on it flipped out on me and calling me insecure, and to swallow my feelings , It’s much worse then I make it sound. As embarrassing as it is she has denied everything and she told me she’d be willing to take a lie detector test to prove it. Felt like if she passed it would help me, On the test I asked if she had seen the person I thought she was seeing and also asked if she has slept with anyone since having our 1 year old son, SHE PASSED !! .

But i can’t get over the Coincidences and lying. I don’t see all of it being for nothing. We have argued everyday for almost a year . She tells me she doesn’t lie. She tells me she doesn’t do anything wrong. She tells me that I’m sick and have problems. I love her very much. But I’ve lost my self . I’m always worried about her now . I’m always over thinking now. I used to be a very confident and secure person and now I’m the opposite. I Question myself for everything now. She tells me I have no reason at all to think she was doing anything . 

Thank you for taking the time to read this . I would never normally share information like this . But I need some advice. Am I paranoid ? There’s definitely more that I I’m not saying .


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I didn’t read all your post…. But nah…. She’s not cheating……




of course she’s cheating. But who cares??? File for divorce because she’s an awful person to you.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Can you afford a PI? Any access to her cell bill?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

The disrespect alone would cause me to give up on this marriage. With that being said, all signs point to yes, you aren't being paranoid.

One thing to think about - with all this erratic behavior be careful, she sounds like the type of person who would eventually call the police and slap you with a restraining order.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Everything you described about her behavior is part of the usual red flags we see over and over. Many times the sex Ramps up as the affair is slowly taking off because she is burning hot for OM but uses BH in his place. Eventually it changes to no sex or just a trickle of duty sex. That’s because now the OM is her man and she doesn’t want to betray him. 

The picking fights is to avoid intimacy and also helps alleviate her guilt because if you’re a F up, then you don’t deserve loyalty. The put down comment about the size of your tool, has me thinking she’s comparing to a new tool. Women instinctively know that is a very hurtful thing to say to a man. So for her to say that, is a serious red flag that she truly doesn’t care about your feelings.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would hire a PI if you can afford it. Many things you have mentioned point to an affair.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Sounds like a crappy marriage, bro.

Your problem is you keep reacting immediately to things instead of gathering information quietly. I'd close my mouth, and keep my ears and eyes open for awhile. Heck maybe apologize for being paranoid and then pretend like all is good. Then watch like a hawk once she thinks you aren't looking.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Who cares if she is cheating. She obviously hates you already so why the hell hang around?

She ISNT AN ASSET IN YOUR LIFE !!!!!

All that “I love her” blindfold will do is make you a complete fool……and it’s already happening.

Soon people will be laughing at you behind your back because everyone but you knows she is sleeping around.

Don’t be that guy….


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

First, you are a very suspicious person, and likely, a pain in the ass. 
...................................................................................................

Yes, this sounds like cheating, and she is looking for your replacement.

This could be her mid-life crisis, acting out.

No woman criticizes her man's penis, unless she hates him.
Maybe her new man has a better one, hence the comparison.
ETA: she may be viewing porn while masturbating.
Yes, some of those men in porn have big ones!

a) Get someone to follow her, when she is out.

b) Put a VAR in her car (voice activated recorder).
Get one at Best Buy. ~$70.00
Go to an ATM and pay cash for it, so she does not see the bill on your checking account.

c) Get one of those GPS trackers, online, and also put that in her car.
You can link it to your phone, with their application.
Yes, there is a cost in using it, but you will have your answer within a month.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The woman has a 1-year-old baby and you wouldn't be the first husband the wife started hating when they weren't helping enough and doing their part.

Having a one-year-old baby I don't know when the hell she has time to cheat.

But I do think she is fed up with you. You do sound very paranoid and insecure in general. I don't know when you find time to pay so much attention to where she is and what she's doing but that would be very annoying to me if I was struggling with a one-year-old baby and you had all that time on your hands. She also sounds like a woman who will probably get out of this marriage once she can manage that given that she has a one year old baby, which severely limits her options. 




What does your therapist say about it?


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

PI sounds like your best bet to find out. Plenty of red flags.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, plenty of red flags.

Is she cheating?
Dunno, yet.
I hope not....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The woman has a 1-year-old baby and you wouldn't be the first husband the wife started hating when they weren't helping enough and doing their part.
> 
> Having a one-year-old baby I don't know when the hell she has time to cheat.
> 
> ...


Sounds like she works so presumably has her baby in a nursery. Plenty of time to cheat if you work.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

Read this: Standard Evidence Post

and pay attention to this as you read:

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.
Rule 1 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 2 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 3 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.

Regarding her way of speaking and treating you - that could be part of an affair or just she really
doesn't like you. And the "finding out/finding things" confrontations are making your task of determining
what is really happening more difficult. Read again the excerpt above from Weightlifters post.


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## SnowToArmPits (Jan 2, 2016)

> Saying I have a small ****


She's tries that one again, tell her she has a fat ass.

Also mate, I had a hard time reading your post, kept losing my place. Paragraph breaks please.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Lots of red flags. 

The one that really stands out is ordering thongs on-line and being mad when questioned about it. She wants to look sexy with her clothes off for someone and it does not look like it is you.

Are you sure the kid is yours?


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## recovering2018 (Sep 9, 2021)

Seconding the request for paragraphs.

First, you have a crappy marriage. If there isn't effort on both sides to improve it, then you might as well file for divorce.

Second, if you feel that you need absolute proof, you need to disengage and stop asking questions. Each time you question something, you'll just get gaslit and them going further underground. Detach and go into stealth detective mode (phones, VARS, etc.). Better yet, hire a PI.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

TDSC60 said:


> Lots of red flags.
> 
> The one that really stands out is ordering thongs on-line and being mad when questioned about it. She wants to look sexy with her clothes off for someone and it does not look like it is you.
> 
> Are you sure the kid is yours?


Yikes! I completely ignored the thong panties, her getting upset that you found them, and her pretty much throwing the controlling card. MAJOR red flag. Those sexy panties are definitely not for your eyes. 

That you have a 1 year old at home and she started acting like this shortly after he/she was born, is very strange. It’s normal for a wife’s sex drive to take a nose dive after giving birth but you said her went up and then crashed. That’s the normal trajectory of a woman in different stages of an affair.

I too have to ask, are you 100% sure that you’re the bio dad? Doesn’t hurt to do one of those family dna things. You can say it’s just to know our ancestry and to see who the kid has more dna from.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

More red flags than a North Korean Parade. You are overthinking this.

An action checklist:

1.) Google "No More Mr. Nice Guy" as a pdf file. It's free.

2.) Google "The 180 For Hurt Spouses". Follow it religiously. It helps you to separate yourself from her.

3.) Lawyer up. Find out your options.

4.) Do not do the "Pick-Me-Dance" for it only makes you seem weak in her eyes.

5.) Put recorders around the house in places she talks on her phone when you are not around.

6.) Invest in a PI. It is worth the money.

7.) Start getting finances in order. Take her off your will, life insurance, credit cards, etc.

8.) Remember "Strength & Honor". Let her remember you that way, not as one who did not have the strength of character to deal with this behavior.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Regardless of whether she is cheating or not, you have some very serious structural issues in your marriage. 

I'm not sure whether she is cheating or just simply has built up so much resentment and anger and bitterness towards you that she pretty much simply hates you. 

It's not really common for a woman with young children and a baby to be having a sexual affair as sex is often the last thing on their minds at that time. 

But it is very common to basically hate their husbands and harbor a lot resentments and anger if they are not connecting well emotionally or if the husband is being an ass and she doesn't feel supported and appreciated. (note I said she doesn't "feel" supported,, I did not say that he was not actually being supportive in various ways) 

So you either have a wife who's affections have shifted to someone else, or who has built up resentments and hostilities to a critical level. Pick your poison. 

Either way you have a serious problem on your hands for which if you want to turn this around and have a healthy and mutually happy relationship, you will probably need professional intervention and therapy.


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## BootsAndJeans (3 mo ago)

Well.....


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Your wife is cheating and she is a despicable, hateful woman. She is verbally and emotionally abusive. You should divorce this miscreant.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The woman has a 1-year-old baby and you wouldn't be the first husband the wife started hating when they weren't helping enough and doing their part.
> 
> Having a one-year-old baby I don't know when the hell she has time to cheat.
> 
> ...


Leave it to the river lady to make a sick comment like this.

an obvious situation where a man is hurting and his wife is treating him like trash…. And she comes out guns a blazing.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

You have confronted her with zero or very little evidence like 50 times, stop it! Back off, install the VAR and GPS like you were told above, and you will have your answer shortly.

But listen, and I'm really trying to help here -- you need to quit being a doormat, you are way too passive and appear to be needy. Women (not all, but many/most) HATE that. You don't need to be an alpha bro, but you do need to have self respect and cannot let her get away with treating you like ****. When you let her do that, she loses more respect for you every time. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, it's a quick read and can help you.

If I were you I'd have met with three lawyers, picked one and she would be getting served at work pronto. It's clear she is just using you for the safe and comfortable life you help provide. Stop accepting that. You can do it!


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Wait she took a polygraph and passed??

Either she’s a psychopath or just a legit a-hole but I think you have nothing to work with here. 

You should have served her papers with “you have a small…” D-ivorce. Your kids don’t need to see her verbally abusing you and think this is what families are supposed to be like. Seriously, this is a horrible situation whether she is cheating or not. (And all signs point to cheating.)


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Can you afford a PI?


In my book if you feel the need to pay a PI think of divorce anyway even if the Pi can't find something because there is nothing left at that stage


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Leave it to the river lady to make a sick comment like this.
> 
> an obvious situation where a man is hurting and his wife is treating him like trash…. And she comes out guns a blazing.


Agree. This poster has a true hatred of men and is irrational.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

How anyone that was described as a caring, nice woman at one point could ever say the things to you she has is incomprehensible. 
No normal person could ever say things like that to a spouse. You have a very disordered woman as a wife. She may have masked her disorder for a good long time but now it is revealed. Your life will be hell with such a person. 
Your wife is many standard deviations from normal . Her verbal and emotional abuse is extraordinary.


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## hub49 (7 mo ago)

The OP has given away his personal power for sure. A lot of people do that, or have done that - myself included. I won't necessarily fault him for that. He needs to find his voice and take the power back. I think he had been a "don't make waves" kind of guy, which can work against you. Sometimes you take the power back once you've had enough of being abused, and it's clear he is being abused. 

There are a lot of signs that she could be cheating, but I don't think OP has the smoking gun yet. And, he needs to play it cool until he obtains that (and even afterward). The blatant and persistent disrespect would be reason enough to leave. There is some deep resentment there that she can't/won't articulate. Her persona shift to suddenly wanting a ton of sex is bizarre, and we all have theories on how/why that happened. She sees OP as a rag doll, there to be played with whenever she pleases. OP, you can do so much better than this. You seem too young to stay with her and just give up on life.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for almost 3. We have 2 children. One is 9 years old and the other is a littler over 1. I never thought she would cheat on me. She’s never been that type of person. She’s always been extremely caring, extremely nice and always been committed to me. I’ve never questioned her loyalty and commitment until now. She’s was probably the most loyal women I’ve ever met. She still may be that’s why I’m looking for some advice.
> 
> I guess how I see everything starting was June last year she gave birth to our son. Everything seemed perfect/Normal . Just living and doing our daily routines. A few months go by and I just start noticing her pulling away being more distant day by day . Starts picking at everything I do . Saying things like I don’t help enough with the baby ( but did not like how I did anything ) felt like I was help but maybe not enough. Maybe I could have done better.
> 
> ...


Could it simply be a case that your wife is suffering from, postpartum depression?  
More than just a case of “the baby blues” (which is common and usually only lasts a couple of weeks), postpartum depression is a more severe, long-lasting form of depression.
Have you thought of that?
Has your wife changed for the worse since your youngest was born?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

gameopoly5 said:


> Could it simply be a case that your wife is suffering from, postpartum depression?
> More than just a case of “the baby blues” (which is common and usually only lasts a couple of weeks), postpartum depression is a more severe, long-lasting form of depression.
> Have you thought of that?
> Has your wife changed for the worse since your youngest was born?




Fair, and fair-enough.
Um, maybe not!
Gods!

OP needs to post-haste, become a postpartum, divorced, ghost husband. 🚮

Then.....'Prost' part-them 🍺 🍺

Aye!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Game, I don’t think a new mother going through postpartum depression is going to be sexing up her husband in new ways that she never has at the same time that she’s emotionally pulling away from her husband. Everything he’s revealed cries out that she’s having an affair.

What I don’t get is that he said he had her do a poly, now that is extreme when he doesn’t have a smoking gun that she is actually cheating. Usually the poly is to determine that sex only went so far or if there were other men. Also, his Wife doing a poly doesn’t jive with how he describes her treatment of him. She seems like she doesn’t respect him enough to put herself through a poly to prove anything to him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for almost 3. We have 2 children. One is 9 years old and the other is a littler over 1. I never thought she would cheat on me. She’s never been that type of person. She’s always been extremely caring, extremely nice and always been committed to me. I’ve never questioned her loyalty and commitment until now. She’s was probably the most loyal women I’ve ever met. She still may be that’s why I’m looking for some advice.
> 
> I guess how I see everything starting was June last year she gave birth to our son. Everything seemed perfect/Normal . Just living and doing our daily routines. A few months go by and I just start noticing her pulling away being more distant day by day . Starts picking at everything I do . Saying things like I don’t help enough with the baby ( but did not like how I did anything ) felt like I was help but maybe not enough. Maybe I could have done better.
> 
> ...


Dude, I don't care if she is cheating.

I couldn't even read everything because she's tripping awful.

Maybe get her checked because she could be experiencing a hormone imbalance after the last child which is when you said this erratic behavior started.

If nothing is medically wrong with her, dump her.

What a piece of work.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Brain tumor came to mind for me. Unless his characterization of how she was previously ( nice, caring, kind etc), it is really strange she could say such monstrous things and act as he describes now. This woman is off the charts abusive.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Megaforce said:


> Brain tumor came to mind for me. Unless his characterization of how she was previously ( nice, caring, kind etc), it is really strange she could say such monstrous things and act as he describes now. This woman is off the charts abusive.


I have used this reason/excuse (symptom/causation) a few times on TAM.

It is the only forgivable answer to her behavior.
For most, that is.......

.......................................................................................

I say, madness is real.
We are what we are.

Madness, here, is anything that makes others very uncomfortable.
And madness is maddening to those exposed to it.

We are all flawed, some painfully, so.
Flawed, is what the majority of others say it is, and have no room for, no love for.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for almost 3. We have 2 children. One is 9 years old and the other is a littler over 1. I never thought she would cheat on me. She’s never been that type of person. She’s always been extremely caring, extremely nice and always been committed to me. I’ve never questioned her loyalty and commitment until now. She’s was probably the most loyal women I’ve ever met. She still may be that’s why I’m looking for some advice.
> 
> I guess how I see everything starting was June last year she gave birth to our son. Everything seemed perfect/Normal . Just living and doing our daily routines. A few months go by and I just start noticing her pulling away being more distant day by day . Starts picking at everything I do . Saying things like I don’t help enough with the baby ( but did not like how I did anything ) felt like I was help but maybe not enough. Maybe I could have done better.
> 
> ...


There not coincidences. She could not pass a poly if her life depended on it. I would DNA youngest just to be sure.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The woman has a 1-year-old baby and you wouldn't be the first husband the wife started hating when they weren't helping enough and doing their part.
> 
> Having a one-year-old baby I don't know when the hell she has time to cheat.
> 
> ...


As always it is the guys fault.

A man can do every thing in the house and it is either not good enough or was not done way she wanted it done. Women easily get it in their head of it is not done exactly the way they would do it, it is wrong.

Part of the issue I had with my wife when kids were little. 

She would ***** that she was only one doing anything. Ok let's compare. 

At least half the time, I changed the diapers, emptied diaper pail, I carried out trash, did ALL the yard work, bathed the kids, Fed/watered the dogs, vacuumed the house weekly, loaded/unloaded the dishwasher most times, maintained vehicles, cooking was team effort. Got *****ed at if I washed anything, because she was going to wash something else first, even though she was not going to start it for 3-4 hrs later. So now she does laundry since she does not like my process. I wash camp and that is it. 

Her chores....cook part time, pick up after kids, diaper part time, make up beds, laundry(her choice) clean bathrooms(her choice) as she has a method she wants to follow. But back then she still *****ed that she did everything.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> I have used this reason/excuse (symptom/causation) a few times on TAM.
> 
> It is the only forgivable answer to her behavior.
> For most, that is.......
> ...


Now, back to the rest of the story, her storied behavior, of late:

Remember, the insults, the little weenie cut, the new thongs, the panties in the car, her new sexual energy, and tricks in bed, now, her tongue in your mouth.

And the house, that her phone location more than once, pinged at.
The house of her old male friend, the man she slipped up and loving mother-muttered.
The place she says has poor phone service.

Her hiding her phone from you, her, once, erasing all traces of something.

.............................................................................

Why is she all of a sudden hot in bed?

Could be guilt, could be to throw you off the trail?

It could be she has her mind on a new lover.
It may be you in her key slot, but, it might be, that her her mind is thinking of someone, else.

That someone else, whose bigger key turns her steaming lock, open and on.


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## BootsAndJeans (3 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> As always it is the guys fault.
> 
> A man can do every thing in the house and it is either not good enough or was not done way she wanted it done. Women easily get it in their head of it is not done exactly the way they would do it, it is wrong.
> 
> ...


I broke mine of that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Awaiting the infamous update...

Aw, please.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Now, back to the rest of the story, her storied behavior, of late:
> 
> Remember, the insults, the little weenie cut, the new thongs, the panties in the car, her new sexual energy, and tricks in bed, now, her tongue in your mouth.
> 
> ...


Yeah, this sounds exactly like post partum depression


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

BootsAndJeans said:


> I broke mine of that.


Sometimes, it is just too entrenched.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

If my wife asked me for privacy in that context, that alone would be enough that I'd be extremely annoyed and we'd be needing a very serious discussion. But in your story, this is one of the far more minor things she has done. Maybe she wasn't always a horrible selfish person, or maybe she just had you fooled - either way you need to divorce her now. Realize that she has treated you horribly, and any person with normal self esteem would not put up with her behavior, and leave her.


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## DosEquis (5 mo ago)

Just getting caught up but....holy hell OP...this is awful.

You dont have red flags, you have air raid sirens going off. 

Listen, youve received great tactical advice (VAR, GPS, PI, see attorney, etc.), please use it. That said, you are being gaslit, blameshifted, disrespected, dishonored, and basically shyt on up the wazoo. Please stop reacting to any of this and start acting for your own benefit only (for now). Its already been mentioned that you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and I second that. You need to internalize every bit of that pronto. Start a hard 180 with her immediately. The 180 is for you, not her.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Look some of this could be post partum. However, do not tolerate disrespect in your relationship. I am not saying that you need to strike her but you can stand your ground with it and if necessary take the kids and leave to go do something fun and exclude her. From these messages it reads like you are a bit passive. Stop that you have things to do. Get up and go buy a Voice Activated Recorder. Take her car to get gas one day and stick it under her seat taped down. Stand up for yourself and hold to your boundaries that you set.


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## Husbandjohndoe (1 mo ago)

Sorry it took so long for a response. But hearing people agreeing with me when I was told I was crazy for almost a whole year really messed with me. Honestly at this point I was hoping I was paranoid and crazy . But to be fair I would like to defend her a little more then I did above.

so yes I can be passive . I’m not the type of guy that’s gonna wait around and let my wife have an affair. I had to open my mouth and say what’s going on. So doing all the detective stuff I don’t really think would work for me at this point because if there was something up I with out a doubt ended it .but what I feel like is eating me alive now is not knowing. I do think it’s a possibility that it’s postpartum. Her attitude and disrespect is still out of this world (Today). But after my actions I get it .

So to be fair she did have Explanations for 95% of the stuff that did happen. Maybe I was just overthinking the rest. She may have been disrespectful and cruel but she did everything in her power to try and prove she didn’t do anything wrong . It was her Idea to take a polygraph test. Remember she passed. Something I also didn’t mention above, another question on the polygraph test was if she’s ever had a sex act with any other man EVER. We have been together since very young and she has not had another partner supposedly and she did pass that question along with my other questions.

Her reasoning for being so mean, is how could I ever ask something like that while we just had a new born. She’s never made a mistake in the past. And during all of this There was really never time I couldn’t fully get a hold of her. My family and friends don’t believe she has the capability to do something like that so they disagreed with me even after all of the coincidences.

also I went through her phone records there’s nothing there


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

It all could certainly be kosher or not. bottom line while you two get to a middle of the road with your problems, you should keep your mouth shut, eyes wide open. Always trust but verify.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

I don't know OP, she said some awful things to you, and treated you with the kind of disrespect that I would find very hard to come back from. And, I don't know exactly what questions you asked her, but she might have been able to answer the infidelity ones successfully because nothing sexual has happened yet. Who knows.

If you are happy that she is not cheating, and is not looking to cheat, then that's good enough. But do not put up with the disrespect she is sending your way. When she does that, and you let her, then she loses more respect for you. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" if you haven't yet, and start working on your self respect and having strong boundaries. Stop letting her take a dump on you. Hang in there.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> also I went through her phone records there’s nothing there *ANYMORE.*



There. Fixed it for you.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

There are people with certain mental disorders that can pass a polygraph without even trying. There are also meds she can take that will allow her to pass. 

Did she have notice of the polygraph?

If your loving wife actually gave a crap about you, she would own up to her treatment of you. She was/is cheating on you.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Exit37 said:


> I don't know OP, she said some awful things to you, and treated you with the kind of disrespect that I would find very hard to come back from. And, I don't know exactly what questions you asked her, but she might have been able to answer the infidelity ones successfully because nothing sexual has happened yet. Who knows.
> 
> If you are happy that she is not cheating, and is not looking to cheat, then that's good enough. But do not put up with the disrespect she is sending your way. When she does that, and you let her, then she loses more respect for you. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" if you haven't yet, and start working on your self respect and having strong boundaries. Stop letting her take a dump on you. Hang in there.


This woman is verbally and emotionally abusive. You need to address this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

gameopoly5 said:


> Could it simply be a case that your wife is suffering from, postpartum depression?
> More than just a case of “the baby blues” (which is common and usually only lasts a couple of weeks), postpartum depression is a more severe, long-lasting form of depression.
> Have you thought of that?
> Has your wife changed for the worse since your youngest was born?


It could even be post partum psychosis which is a very severe and potentially dangerous condition








Postpartum psychosis | Royal College of Psychiatrists


Please read this information if you have previously experienced Postpartum psychosis or think you may be currently displaying symptoms




www.rcpsych.ac.uk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Husbandjohndoe Are you certain your wife took a legitimate polygraph test?

Apparently there are, sadly, firms providing people with fake lie detector test results. This website offers some advice and warnings on them.


https://liedetectortest.uk/fake-lie-detector-test-reports


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> Her reasoning for being so mean, is how could I ever ask something like that while we just had a new born.


Except she started being mean BEFORE you said anything, yes?
I was thinking also it might be post-partum depression. She should talk to her Dr. Just tell her that you do NOT wanting her disrespect and complaining to you ALL the time, so...


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## Husbandjohndoe (1 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> @Husbandjohndoe Are you certain your wife took a legitimate polygraph test?
> 
> Apparently there are, sadly, firms providing people with fake lie detector test results. This website offers some advice and warnings on them.
> 
> ...





MattMatt said:


> @Husbandjohndoe Are you certain your wife took a legitimate polygraph test?
> 
> Apparently there are, sadly, firms providing people with fake lie detector test results. This website offers some advice and warnings on them.
> 
> ...


The polygraph experience seemed pretty legit. She did have a heads up. At the same time though I’m the one that found the person. He was best reviewed and definitely not the cheapest. Also had to travel a bit just to see this particular person. My wife also admitted to some very minor things from like 7 years ago that I had suspicions about just because she didn’t want me to ask that on the test(so minor I Wouldn’t even consider that cheating ) . Just seems like I have nothing. Everything is now normal. The only times she’s cruel and mean is when I bring up the subject of cheating. If I dont bring up the situation we would be perfect now with out fighting . She tells me it’s not real. And I’m sick and I don’t have any reasoning to be suspicious of anything. Any advice ? She won’t take accountability for anything not even the behavior. Nor will she communicate.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> The polygraph experience seemed pretty legit. She did have a heads up. At the same time though I’m the one that found the person. He was best reviewed and definitely not the cheapest. Also had to travel a bit just to see this particular person. My wife also admitted to some very minor things from like 7 years ago that I had suspicions about just because she didn’t want me to ask that on the test(so minor I Wouldn’t even consider that cheating ) . Just seems like I have nothing. Everything is now normal. The only times she’s cruel and mean is when I bring up the subject of cheating. If I dont bring up the situation we would be perfect now with out fighting . She tells me it’s not real. And I’m sick and I don’t have any reasoning to be suspicious of anything. Any advice ? She won’t take accountability for anything not even the behavior. Nor will she communicate.


well, my friend - wives for the most part will never take accountability or admit they are wrong. 
what are the minor things, that might give us a better view on the situation?

how long had she known she going through a poly before it happened?

I would check her browsing history for something like how to pass a poly test etc..


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> The polygraph experience seemed pretty legit. She did have a heads up. At the same time though I’m the one that found the person. He was best reviewed and definitely not the cheapest. Also had to travel a bit just to see this particular person. My wife also admitted to some very minor things from like 7 years ago that I had suspicions about just because she didn’t want me to ask that on the test(so minor I Wouldn’t even consider that cheating ) . Just seems like I have nothing. Everything is now normal. The only times she’s cruel and mean is when I bring up the subject of cheating. If I dont bring up the situation we would be perfect now with out fighting . She tells me it’s not real. And I’m sick and I don’t have any reasoning to be suspicious of anything. Any advice ? She won’t take accountability for anything not even the behavior. Nor will she communicate.


What you do have is an emotionally and verbally abusive wife, however.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> What you do have is an emotionally and verbally abusive wife, however.


She says it's because she was offended because she was falsely accused. If the abuse wasn't there earlier, it really was a false allegation, and being falsely accused gave her contempt for him, reasonable or not, that could explain the abuse but then that's a really bad sign for their relationship.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> She says it's because she was offended because she was falsely accused. If the abuse wasn't there earlier, it really was a false allegation, and being falsely accused gave her contempt for him, reasonable or not, that could explain the abuse but then that's a really bad sign for their relationship.


No normal person plays the small **** card and expects a decent relationship going forward, regardless of the alleged provocation.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> No normal person plays the small **** card and expects a decent relationship going forward, regardless of the alleged provocation.


I'm not saying she does expect to stay with him. She sounds pretty checked-out to me, too, whether she cheated or not. Contempt is a relationship-killer. If she's developed contempt for him, regardless of the reason, that would explain the treatment and it's going to be very difficult to reverse it stay with her. My point is that being falsely accused, if she was (I don't know either way), could possibly have caused it if it hurt her feelings badly enough.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Sorry man, as someone who has been cheated on, I didn't have to read past the 3rd paragraph to know she's cheating...when they start separating themselves, getting dressed up and blaming you for everything, that's a sure sign..if they can convince themselves you are a POS, they make it alla about you and not them. They are the victim, you made them cheat, etc...my wife still till this day, 12 years later says "I didn't know you loved me". Somehow her screwing my "best friend" turned into a story about me...I still have Facebook screenshots she was posting that she basically tells the world she's screwing around, but I was too stupid to see it. Go with your gut, it's almost always right....you try to talk yourself out of believing what's right in front of you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> The polygraph experience seemed pretty legit. She did have a heads up. At the same time though I’m the one that found the person. He was best reviewed and definitely not the cheapest. Also had to travel a bit just to see this particular person. My wife also admitted to some very minor things from like 7 years ago that I had suspicions about just because she didn’t want me to ask that on the test(so minor I Wouldn’t even consider that cheating ) . Just seems like I have nothing. Everything is now normal. The only times she’s cruel and mean is when I bring up the subject of cheating. If I dont bring up the situation we would be perfect now with out fighting . She tells me it’s not real. And I’m sick and I don’t have any reasoning to be suspicious of anything. Any advice ? She won’t take accountability for anything not even the behavior. Nor will she communicate.


I am afraid you now must take her at her word.

Words do not break bones, they break faith and love.

Don't you hate this?


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## Husbandjohndoe (1 mo ago)

Avgman said:


> Sorry man, as someone who has been cheated on, I didn't have to read past the 3rd paragraph to know she's cheating...when they start separating themselves, getting dressed up and blaming you for everything, that's a sure sign..if they can convince themselves you are a POS, they make it alla about you and not them. They are the victim, you made them cheat, etc...my wife still till this day, 12 years later says "I didn't know you loved me". Somehow her screwing my "best friend" turned into a story about me...I still have Facebook screenshots she was posting that she basically tells the world she's screwing around, but I was too stupid to see it. Go with your gut, it's almost always right....you try to talk yourself out of believing what's right in front of you.


As someone that has been through this personally. Can you read maybe the last 8 comments? Basically an update from me not attacking her directly. Let me know what you think.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> I'm not saying she does expect to stay with him. She sounds pretty checked-out to me, too, whether she cheated or not. Contempt is a relationship-killer. If she's developed contempt for him, regardless of the reason, that would explain the treatment and it's going to be very difficult to reverse it stay with her. My point is that being falsely accused, if she was (I don't know either way), could possibly have caused it if it hurt her feelings badly enough.


Right, falsely accused, or accurately accused and employing the old " best defense is an offense" maneuver. Regardless, going down that particular insult path is a relationship killer. Cannot unring that bell.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> As someone that has been through this personally. Can you read maybe the last 8 comments? Basically an update from me not attacking her directly. Let me know what you think.


If you know an alcoholic that gets angry, defensive, and argumentative whenever you mention alcoholism, but is fun to be around otherwise, does that mean they aren’t an alcoholic?

Your wife is a cheater, and she would be happy if you just would stop pointing that out.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> As someone that has been through this personally. Can you read maybe the last 8 comments? Basically an update from me not attacking her directly. Let me know what you think.


What specifically do you want to ask? I tried reading through some of them, I'd rather you just ask so I'm not trying to figure out the answer you're looking for...

I don't know if I'd trust the lie detector test. It's interesting you did that though, same woman I had issues with finally admitted to a previous affair when I threatened polygraph test. Her friend actually snitched on her, she was previously married and had banged him before we officially got together, so maybe I shouldn't say "affair". 

I know she lies to me to this day, I didn't want to leave and not see my son. That was my decision. I always thought that maybe she would tell the truth all this time later, but she sticks to her story.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Avgman said:


> What specifically do you want to ask? I tried reading through some of them, I'd rather you just ask so I'm not trying to figure out the answer you're looking for...
> 
> I don't know if I'd trust the lie detector test. It's interesting you did that though, same woman I had issues with finally admitted to a previous affair when I threatened polygraph test. Her friend actually snitched on her, she was previously married and had banged him before we officially got together, so maybe I shouldn't say "affair".
> 
> I know she lies to me to this day, I didn't want to leave and not see my son. That was my decision. I always thought that maybe she would tell the truth all this time later, but she sticks to her story.


Amazingly, many just stick to their stories despite incontrovertible evidence. And, they do not even seem embarrassed by the absurdity.


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

from what you said she passed the polygraph test correct? what your looking for now is accountability right? im confused because taking a polygraph test and answering your questions to prove she is telling you everything to me is taking accountability and proving she loves you and wants to be with you.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Megaforce said:


> Amazingly, many just stick to their stories despite incontrovertible evidence. And, they do not even seem embarrassed by the absurdity.


Yep. Sometimes I want to ask her to draw "idiot" the way she imagines it across my forehead, I can get it permanently tattooed so she don't have to imagine it anymore. 

The ones, for whatever reason I still just want her to admit that she won't, is how many times they actually got it on. She admitted to twice at his house, but I know he came to our house while I was at work and I know they met up one night and hung out at local park when it was closed. 

The day he came to our house, I was getting off work early, she repeatedly asked what time I was leaving...she had her dad come get our son. She says "nothing happened, we made out on the couch". Then she said, "well, we also laid in the bed and talked for a little while" . I always hang my towel back on the shower when I leave, it was in the floor when I got home. I can't imagine a man, that's cheating, drives an hour, lies to his wife, just too talk and hang out. 

Then the night at the park, her mom came over to sit with our son. She let her use her car so no one would see the vehicle I bought for her. This is a night I didn't have to go to the plant till 12am, so he basically hung out all day waiting for me to leave. She says they just talked. That night, one Facebook, she writes " I like it, I'm not picky, so wherever the mood strikes ". When asking her that this quote seems as if she was talking about sex with him, she says, no, this is a saying about a pocket book!! Like wtf, that's definitely a story she sees idiot on my forehead. 

She was arrogant on Facebook, this guy, was supposed to be my best friend...who had a 9 month pregnant wife at home. 

Not looking for answers or anything, sometimes it helps to write it out.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Avgman said:


> Yep. Sometimes I want to ask her to draw "idiot" the way she imagines it across my forehead, I can get it permanently tattooed so she don't have to imagine it anymore.
> 
> The ones, for whatever reason I still just want her to admit that she won't, is how many times they actually got it on. She admitted to twice at his house, but I know he came to our house while I was at work and I know they met up one night and hung out at local park when it was closed.
> 
> ...


I always think of this continued lying in the face of incontrovertible evidence as analagoust to riding in a car with one other person who let's out a stinking fart yet denies having done so. She knows she did it. You know she did it. And, she knows you know she did it. Yet, incomprehensible as it is, denial is maintained, and with no outward sign of embarrassment about lying.
My FIL confronted my XW about her affair partner living with her. She denied having an affair and denied him being at her house.
Her dad then told her he would see the guy's car parked in her driveway at 4 in the morning each day as her dad passed by going to work. She had no mortification being busted in this lie. Just absolutely no embarrassment whatsoever, according to her dad. 
This is why I feel many cheaters are sociopaths and can pass polygraphs. Their wiring is just that different.


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## Husbandjohndoe (1 mo ago)

So my wife thought it would be a good Idea to post her side . Yeah I used to be a dirt bag. But you guys have my side . Along with MANY RED FLAGS . Here’s a link to her side if you guys are interested. 









.


.




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Husbandjohndoe said:


> So my wife thought it would be a good Idea to post her side . Yeah I used to be a dirt bag. But you guys have my side . Along with MANY RED FLAGS . Here’s a link to her side if you guys are interested.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well it looks like "she" deleted her post. SMH.


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