# anyone else feel not worthy of being loved?



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I am in treatment. I know I have an issue. I know it is not my husband's fault. I know I have to find my own way through this. I know I should let it go. All of this I KNOW.

That said, being sexually assaulted in college, having a family member assault my child ,and having an abusive parent makes me feel Less than.

Can you come back from that? I want to . I want the magic "I'm awesome and if you don't see it , your problem not mine " pill. That's what I'd love. Send it to me for Christmas.

Meanwhile, I have therapy tomorrow.

If you came out the other side, please share your story.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Do you feel down about yourself when a mistake happens or you perceive someone may think you haven't done something correct. Fear of judgement and / or abandonment are the pillars of social anxiety disorder. The feelings of judgement may be from any person including a spouse so the name "social" anxiety disorder is not quite clear on that.

If it is SAD, an SSRI like Zoloft has helped others.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

snowbum said:


> I am in treatment. I know I have an issue. I know it is not my husband's fault. I know I have to find my own way through this. I know I should let it go. All of this I KNOW.
> 
> That said, being sexually assaulted in college, having a family member assault my child ,and having an abusive parent makes me feel Less than.
> 
> ...


Have you considered hypnotism? I’m not sure traditional therapy can get past your ability to rationalize.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I am in treatment. I know I have an issue. I know it is not my husband's fault. I know I have to find my own way through this. I know I should let it go. All of this I KNOW.
> 
> That said, being sexually assaulted in college, having a family member assault my child ,and having an abusive parent makes me feel Less than.
> 
> ...


The more you role play, the more you'll come to believe it.
When you start to come down on yourself, stop it and remind yourself that you're a good person and your experiences do not change that you're a good person who does good things.
Then, go out and do those good things. Treat yourself right.
The more you do good things for yourself and the less bad things you to yourself, the more the script will flip so that you come to believe what you are telling yourself.
When you start getting down on yourself, that's a good time to exercise. The shot of testosterone and dopamine will make you feel better.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

What kind of therapy are you having?


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I am in treatment. I know I have an issue. I know it is not my husband's fault. I know I have to find my own way through this. I know I should let it go. All of this I KNOW.
> 
> That said, being sexually assaulted in college, having a family member assault my child ,and having an abusive parent makes me feel Less than.
> 
> ...


Hello,
I can't say I can relate to your experience; however being or working in psychology and well read I can give ideas and lead you to research on your journey. I can't guarantee anything; Here it goes
read all marriage material by John Gottman, Phd. both of you.He will and his organization can lead you on your recovery, If your counselor is not a good fit, find another. Get and buy the best counselor you can get, trt out a gottman certified counselor that deals with that issue Love maps and creating new memories that superced your trauma will go a million miles in creating new feminity, identity and feeling well and attractive. eat up all the lovely affirmations your spouse tells you, be thankful for the affection and find ways to enjoy it and keep the feeling longer. read proper caring and feeding of marriage by dr. laura schlessinger. Pray to God, Create the love and mindset you need, get and give, create the sex life you want and need, If you don't ask for what you want in anything, you will never receive, Yes there is recover. btw you are a approaching an age and beyond your sexual self will be awakened and you both will enjoy, find a way to find it. My spouse was 14 years older when she hit 49 and older, I could hardly keep up sexually, but the intimacy in bed and especially out of it was top drawer. but it is something to work toward, plan and do, and do the gottman things. YES YOU WILL HEAL- STARTS IN THE MIND AND LETTING GO, CLOSE THE SCREEN DOOR, YOU WILL OCCASIONALLY SEE BAD STUFF THROUGH THE SCREEN, BUT GUESS WHAT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET IT IN, BEST TO YOU


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I know quite a lot of people who had bad childhoods and traumatic things happen to them and yes you can move past them. 
For me and others I know our faith helped a lot, forgiveness helps tremendously as well. Ministry and prayer helps with healing. Just talking it through with someone is therapeutic as well.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I am in treatment. I know I have an issue. I know it is not my husband's fault. I know I have to find my own way through this. I know I should let it go. All of this I KNOW.
> 
> That said, being sexually assaulted in college, having a family member assault my child ,and having an abusive parent makes me feel Less than.
> 
> ...


You will get better answers and more participation if you stay engaged in your threads and answer the questions that people write to you.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

snowbum said:


> Can you come back from that? I want to . I want the magic "I'm awesome and if you don't see it , your problem not mine " pill. That's what I'd love. Send it to me for Christmas.


Is it required for you to be awesome to be loved? Isn't "good enough" most of the time satisfactory? Maybe you're setting the bar too high on what anyone should achieve to be desirable. 

I'm only awesome once in a while. Mostly adequate. Sometimes sub-par. That doesn't make me unworthy of someone's affection.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

snowbum said:


> being sexually assaulted in college, having a family member assault my child ,and having an abusive parent makes me feel Less than.


The key to it is this. None of those things are you responsible for having done. You cannot go through life judging yourself by other's actions. The actions of others in this world are cruel, unjustified, selfish, and sinful. 
Like @Diana7 said, faith in God was the "turning point" in life for me. It took me 30 years to recognize that only what God said about me mattered.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

EMDR therapy may help you with the traumatic parts of your issues....


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