# How do you gain confidence again in your



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

looks?

Husband does compliment me once in awhile but I am pretty insecure about how I look, even more so while I'm pregnant. I guess from stuff in the past, which was not really a betrayal or anything, just made me feel more insecure. 

I know after baby I'll work out again, but I was never skinny/small to begin with so its not like husband was used to that before. I also think because he had 'nice guy' tendencies maybe he won't admit that he wants me to lose all the extra weight, or maybe he really has preferences for looks that are not like me at all? And he would just never say it? :scratchhead: I hate feeling like this. I also think because we're of different races/ethnicities I wonder if he prefers or likes another look---not like me though. And maybe he was just intimidated to go over what he really 'prefers'. I know this is a kind of a downward spiral thinking because I can only go by what he says and does and he did choose me. 

I know looks aren't everything but they count a lot right?


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well he did marry you, don't you think you should give yourself some credit. Also alway try to look nice even while pregnant. For you, you will notice you feel better overal. Congrats on the baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I'll tell you one thing... as a man.. I have NEVER... EVER... not once looked at a woman who was pregnant and said, "WOW is she FAT!" just because she was pregnant. I know the difference between being fat and being pregnant.

2nd thing, if you have a good marriage... he married you because he loved you. And after you've had a baby... he'll love you even more for the gift you've given him.

After our kids were born, I was most concerned about my baby and my wife's health. I wanted both to be around for a long time. 

I hope your husband isn't so shallow that he would leave you over you gaining a few pound due to pregnancy.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

True a pregnate woman looks so beautiful. I remember my husband looking at me differently. It was very special, I stil see that twinkle in his eyes when we talk about those days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Hub was not attracted to me at all while visibly pregnant and until I stopped nursing but it had nothing to do with my weight. He was just uncomfortable with my body as I was carrying a child.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I heard this years ago and I tend to think it's true. I think my Dad said it so it was over 20 years ago...

Men look at their wives and see the women they married, they don't notice the changes the years bring or the pounds motherhood adds. The still see the woman who walked down the aisle, especially if she stills looks at him with the same smile.

Miss my Dad so much!


----------



## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I am you right now! I just gave birth a few months ago and it's been a huge transition for me hormonally and body wise. I have been doing some reading about the importance of physical attractiveness for men and it was very eye opening and a little painful. I have been working hard to get my weight down and I am starting to feel better (getting looks from other men helps!). But it's something I have always struggled with because of the media and an overly critical mother. 

What has really helped me is reading Cynthia Ocelli's website and learning about feminine energy. I am really trying to get in touch with that part of me that makes me feel beautiful, my natural feminine essence. Right now as a pregnant lady you should feel the most beautiful and the most powerful but because of a masculine society you feel less than. Women nowadays spend a lot of time in their masculine energy and it's why we feel so unsure and self critical.

Check out this website and see if any of it rings true for you. Life Coaching | Cynthia Occelli

I also watched some of her videos on youtube. She is so empowering


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Plus there is a difference in being pregnant and being fat. Even with the additional weight gain, I would assume your husband knows your belly is going to grow. Also, don't eat everything in sight bc you are pregnant. Eat healthy I only gained 19lbs thru all my pegnacy which is ideal, I know some women gain more its just what happens. Try some yoga or swimming after checking with your doctor of course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Also stop focusing on everything you think is unattractive. Don't question your husband's motives or feelings about you. He chose YOU. Your shape, your skin tone - all of you.  Try to observe something pretty about yourself every day, as often as you can. It takes 10 positive thoughts to outweigh negative ones (comments as well). 

So admire your eyes, your womanly curves, your good hair day, your smart choices... start to see yourself like he does. And when he compliments you - say thank you. DO NOT ARGUE.

Congrats.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I heard this years ago and I tend to think it's true. I think my Dad said it so it was over 20 years ago...
> 
> Men look at their wives and see the women they married, they don't notice the changes the years bring or the pounds motherhood adds. The still see the woman who walked down the aisle, especially if she stills looks at him with the same smile.
> 
> Miss my Dad so much!


This is very true. My wife is 43. When we first started dating, she was 20. Now think about that for a minute. At 43 she's never going to have that 20 year old body again. But when I hold her, wow. I wouldn't trade the current her for the younger her for anything.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

For what its worth...

When my wife was pregnant, I could tell she was just a total disaster inside and out. She had back problems, and feeling ugly and fat and sick and unsexy and cranky and.... well you get the idea. She isnt that self conscious about it so so she (slowly) grew (ha!) to accept it and just let it all hang out.

I also think of it as an amazing time. We were having a baby together and I really (does this sound silly?) started seeing her as more of a woman than a girl. Looking back on it now - I realize that after being together for 15 years prior to our first - I was falling in love all over again with her.

And yeah we had fights and she was insecure and I was not as supportive as I could be I bet..probably no doubt. But we also had plenty of sex and we started 'nesting' by working on the babys room and it felt really, really good do do things together at that time for the both of us. I surprised myself by how dedicated I got to the proposition frankly. Up to that point I wasnt even sure I wanted kids! How wrong I was.

But never once did I ever think that the weight or the changes she was going through was ugly or unattractive. Never. Never once. 

Dont beat yourself up over it - and dont try and assume you know what he is thinking and dont feel like you need to ask him about it either and never feel like you dont measure up.

Take a deep breath. Relax. I am being serious. This is one of the best times in your life - it really is. Try and enjoy it. I also believe that its good for your baby if you can help keep your worry and anxiety under control. I dont mean bottle it up - have a good cry if you like.. but also dont forget to try and enjoy the small moments. You will be relaxed and feel better if you just let sme of your worry go.

My suggestion - do some things together. Go for a walk in the park. Go pick out a couple lullaby CDs for the little one. Take care of yourself and each other and just throw yourself into it like its a big adventure - because that is what it is. Make him rub stretch mark cream on your belly or something - dont forget to laugh too. Its all good.

Congtratulations to you and your new family-to-be.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Plus your boobs get bigger and well for most men it's an occasion to celebrate 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Thanks everyone. Reading these thoughts definitely help!


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

mablenc said:


> Plus your boobs get bigger and well for most men it's an occasion to celebrate
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can confirm this. 

Frankly - she was just as excited as I was over this.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hooray for the Big Titty fairy!

And guess what? They float!


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Hooray for the Big Titty fairy!
> 
> And guess what? They float!


:rofl:


----------

