# Children are my wife's lowest prority



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

I thought I'd try and discuss this in this forum as opposed to the relationship boards. I've been separated from my wife of 22 years for about a year now and it's been discussed in multiple threads. Perhaps a fresh perspective on one particular issue I have...
When my wife left me for somone else she made it perfectly clear she wanted our kids (aged 16 and 13 at the time) to stay with me. She felt her life was too unsettled. Since then she has made them her lowest priority in life, clearly choosing her relationship with this OM over her own children. She spends very little time with them, preferring to text than speak directly. We live in the same small town. 
The kids have told her outright they have no use for OM and will not go to her home as long as they are involved. Still, she stays with him.
I've never seen anything like this. It's simply not normal for a woman to walk away from her kids in this manner. I know if the tables were turned I'd walk on hot coals to see my kids. My therapist met her once and suspected immediately she suffers from depression, yet she has resisted all attempts to convince her to seek help. The kids are getting to the point where they care less and less every day. The damage she's done to her relationship with our son may be irreparable.
Has anyone else seen this before? Just a note...there is no substance abuse that I am aware of. I look forward to everyone's imput.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

KRinOnt said:


> It's simply not normal for a woman to walk away from her kids in this manner.


Maybe not but it happens and I've seen it plenty. My own mom walked away from me 12 years ago. My sister did the same to her daughter. When I was young I used to babysit this little boy. He was with me and my neighbor more than he was with her (dad eventually got full custody - I had to testify in court as to how often I had him). That woman cared more about partying than she did about her kid. 

And this isn't just women. My niece's dad walked out years ago. Nobody even knows where he is. Last I heard he remarried, had a new family and well that was the end of that. 

Some people should not become parents.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Some women never wanted kids but had them because they felt pressured. Society is weird about women who don't want kids. I have two close friends that don't want children and people talk to them so rudely! Silliness.

Maybe she didn't want kids. My dad and stepdad walked away from me. Is that normal? No, but it's accepted because society builds men up to be these creatures that need to 'sow their oats'. BS. 

Some people should not be parents...some people know they don't want to be parents. Some people have children and don't want them. I'd rather those parents leave their children then continue to screw up their kids lives every day. Believe me, kids know when they aren't wanted.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Some women never wanted kids but had them because they felt pressured. Society is weird about women who don't want kids. I have two close friends that don't want children and people talk to them so rudely! Silliness.
> 
> Maybe she didn't want kids. My dad and stepdad walked away from me. Is that normal? No, but it's accepted because society builds men up to be these creatures that need to 'sow their oats'. BS.
> 
> Some people should not be parents...some people know they don't want to be parents. Some people have children and don't want them. I'd rather those parents leave their children then continue to screw up their kids lives every day. Believe me, kids know when they aren't wanted.


My wife was an attentive, loving mom for many years. The kids always came first, then snap....I don't get it.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

She is being selfish. She is going thru a 'me' phase. She has convinced herself that the kids are better off with you.

All you can do is love your kids, and talk with them. Let them know they have done nothing wrong.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

4sure said:


> She is being selfish. She is going thru a 'me' phase. She has convinced herself that the kids are better off with you.
> 
> All you can do is love your kids, and talk with them. Let them know they have done nothing wrong.


I met with my therapist today and she pretty much said the same thing. I am not to blame for her decision to leave and her acceptance of a declining relationship with her kids in favour of a relationship with a man is a tell tale sign of problems much bigger than our marriage. Clearly she feels her life is better this way than it was before. Still, no matter how hard I work at getting over her, I feel deeply for my children's loss. I can't fix it. They can't fix it. Only their mother can.


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