# I simply do not care...



## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Okay, so brief background on me: I am recently divorced. She, the ex, walked out on me after a ten year marriage in part because of the fact that I was depressed since I was a teen. I was finally diagnosed the day that she moved out as having "major depressive disorder." I have been doing well dealing with the hurt she caused by her infidelity and walking out on me. I love her.

Anyway, I have been on meds that seem to be working okay... except for one small problem... I seriously don't care about anything. True, it helps me sort of shrug off my failed marriage, but I also am having problems caring about my job, my future, my health etc. It's a tough balancing act because when I am off the meds, I agonize over my failed marriage and pine over my now ex-wife - not to mention seriously contemplating suicide.

*Has anyone else ever had this problem?* The best way to describe it is that I have no motivation to do anything, at all. I would be happy sleeping all day, every day. It's like there is not even any motivation to keep working hard at my job, because I don't care about the consequences of losing it - I have a bit of money saved so it's not like I would face any financial difficulties for about a year anyway. Somehow, I still have a job... I would try different meds, but I have tried SOOO many, and they all have some pretty serious side effects with me. Is it about time I seek counseling? I'm 33 and I am just floating along in life, dropped out of college to start a family, but obviously that didn't work out. Just kind of don't know what to do any more.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Perhaps a slightly lower dosage of the same med? Not caring to this degree can be a serious problem all its own. Do speak to your doctor soon!


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## roseblssm6 (Mar 29, 2014)

Definitely talk to your doctor. My husband was on anti-anxiety and anti-depressants at one point following some major trauma and it made him such a drone. It numbed the emotions he was feeling but all the good stuff too. He didn't care about work, relationships with others, even his hobbies.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You will often have to adjust your meds to find the right fit.


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## John-agape (Mar 10, 2014)

I have tried different meds and the modern ones SSRI and SNRI meds give me serious side effects. I prefer my depression to their side effects.

My doctors warned me that the older tricyclics were even worse and would not prescribe them to me.

So I went to another doctor who said that my genetic profile was not right for these modern ones and gave me the older type. Clomipramine worked great for me. 

Counseling is a good idea. The thing to remember with meds is that they reduce the symptoms, but don't cure the problem. Many people just need a rest and they are back on the road. I think you need a bit more than that. Counseling will address the cause of your depression.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Thank you all for your input. During the year before my divorce, I tried many of the commonly prescibed meds: Paxil, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Buspirone etc and they had pretty bad side effects - ranging from insomnia (ALL had this effect), sexual side effects and neusea / fever. I finally got on this one - Mirtazapine and it's been amazing. In fact, it allows me to sleep better (deeper) and gives me a healthy appetite, which is good, because I'm rail thin and after the D, did not have any appetite at all. 

I definitely don't want to go back to how I felt... it ruined my marriage and my life, but I also maybe need to adjust, or possibly self-motivate. Working out and being active in sports has helped a bit though.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What about joining a sports team, so you get regular exercise in it?


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

turnera said:


> What about joining a sports team, so you get regular exercise in it?


Great suggestion.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

A pox on doctors who prescribe meds for major depression without insisting on talk therapy!!!!

Yes! Get into CBT therapy. It has the best track record for assisting with all of the depressions. In therapy you will learn skills to help you combat the depression, skills to recognize behavior you have that contribute to depression, thinking errors that keep you obsessing and analyzing over worries.

Keep taking your meds but get into therapy!


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeah. I'm on cipralex (Lexapro in the states) and ativan. I don't give a damn about anything either. It's -awesome-


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kipani said:


> Yeah. I'm on cipralex (Lexapro in the states) and ativan. I don't give a damn about anything either. It's -awesome-


I think that the OP is talking about a deeper, more profound feeling of not caring about anything.

I tried Lexapro for a while. It made me feel the way the OP describes. It was during a period when I was depressed but the feeling of not caring about anything got to be painful. Stopped taking the Lexapro. It's just not what I needed.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

kipani said:


> Yeah. I'm on cipralex (Lexapro in the states) and ativan. I don't give a damn about anything either. It's -awesome-


Ativan? That some powerful stuff! Nope, I bet there isn't much that bothers you on Ativan.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Clawed,

you are going through a lot with the loss of your wife and dealing with a long term depression. I agree with the others, talk to your doctor. Your meds need to either be adjusted or changed.

I also agree on two other points...

get into counseling/therapy

and get into some kind of physical activity.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

You could try lithium orotate, here is a good video from the Mars and Venus guy John Gray. Note: I'm not telling you to buy from this guy, you can get lithium orotate cheaper if you shop around.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijMbycw2boM



Dialectical behavioral therapy is good for bipolar, you can self teach yourself from books from your local library. I loaned this one from my local library.

http://www.wpspublish.com/store/Images/Product/Bipolar-Workbook-for-Teens_NH-39.jpg

DBT Holds Promise For Patients With Bipolar Disorder | Psychiatric Times


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Clawed, you should have already started therapy. Therapy should have come first, actually, and meds only if therapy itself doesn't work. Please do so asap.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Ahh, Lexapro, that was the other one I tried that I could not think of.

Anyway, yes, counseling would probably be a good thing for me. When I got out of the hospital last year (which is when the wife left - I voluntarily checked in because I was considering suicide after she cheated), they set me up with counseling, psychiatry and my new meds. The counselor and psychiatrist were not very good. My counselor gave me no feedback. I would talk for 45 minutes and there was nothing... better off talking to myself. The psychiatrist was not much better so I did research and got myself in to see one of the best I could find. He has been amazing, he seems to know exactly what I am going through before I even tell him. Not only that, but when he found out I was on Mirtazapine, he was ecstatic since he lectures other top psychiatrists about it being "the best kept secret" in treating Major Depressive Disorder. That being said, I think I now need to find an equally good psychologist. 

Since I wrote my original post, I nearly DID lose my job because of my decision making. I am on 6 month probabtion... in which I anticipate losing my job of 9 years. It's hard. Sports? Yeah, that would be good but I can't commit because I have 50/50 custody and it's a two week alternating schedule that does not allow me the same day off each week. I do play volleyball at least once a week, gym twice a week and coach my son's soccer team as well. So, not all is bad... maybe it's just my job...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You know what else would be good for you? Group counseling. It will force you to be part of something active to deal with your issues, and the feedback you'll get will help you see alternatives.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much of a social life do you have? Some things to try to branch out..

Parents without Partners.. it's a group that exists in most places. they meet and do fun things that include the children. I've heard good things about it.

Then there is Find your people - Meetup Check out what's in your area. It's a good way to meet people who like to do the same things you like to do. This is not a dating site. For example in my area there groups that go hiking monthly, there is a white-water rafting group, and on and on. you just find an activity and go to it..


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

I went through the similar ordeal of finding what antidepressant worked best for me. Fortunately the third change hit the one that worked without and negative side effects and after that its just been a couple of slight dosage adjustments. 

To me it sounds like what you are on is working as a strong dopamine inhibitor. Without dopamine life pretty much feels like a whole lot of nothing. 

As for the going out and doing things advice believe me I understand how that is not a real option until the motivation and general feeling of being alive comes back first. 

I say let your doctor know what you are feeling or lack there of and change meds or at least a dosage adjustment and see where that goes. 

Once feeling at least a little bit alive again comes back then start working on the going out and doing stuff.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Oh, I love Meetup! That is why I now play beach volleyball regularly. If you asked me a year ago if I would ever do that, I probably would have laughed. I have joined several other groups but have yet to be able to make a meetup that I would enjoy based on my schedule with my son...

... which is why I love your suggestion about "Parents without Partners" I have never heard of it, but sounds like a great concept. I'll check it out. Thank you!


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Clawed said:


> Okay, so brief background on me: I am recently divorced. She, the ex, walked out on me after a ten year marriage in part because of the fact that I was depressed since I was a teen. I was finally diagnosed the day that she moved out as having "major depressive disorder." I have been doing well dealing with the hurt she caused by her infidelity and walking out on me. I love her.
> 
> Anyway, I have been on meds that seem to be working okay... except for one small problem... I seriously don't care about anything. True, it helps me sort of shrug off my failed marriage, but I also am having problems caring about my job, my future, my health etc. It's a tough balancing act because when I am off the meds, I agonize over my failed marriage and pine over my now ex-wife - not to mention seriously contemplating suicide.
> 
> *Has anyone else ever had this problem?* The best way to describe it is that I have no motivation to do anything, at all. I would be happy sleeping all day, every day. It's like there is not even any motivation to keep working hard at my job, because I don't care about the consequences of losing it - I have a bit of money saved so it's not like I would face any financial difficulties for about a year anyway. Somehow, I still have a job... I would try different meds, but I have tried SOOO many, and they all have some pretty serious side effects with me. Is it about time I seek counseling? I'm 33 and I am just floating along in life, dropped out of college to start a family, but obviously that didn't work out. Just kind of don't know what to do any more.


Growing up my dad dealt with severe depression and PTSD, he was like a roller coaster,was a hard childhood dealing with that. He still struggles alot..
Currently i have a GF we have been dating for a while,she was taking depression meds(Wellbutrin). She was a incredible women when i met her,but 2 months ago started weening off the meds and eventually got off completely.She has exact same symptoms..When i see her, she is really tired wants to sleep alot, lost her sex drive. She is very critical of her self says she is ugly, fat,etc...She really doesnt care about much right now either.. She is almost emotionless too... So im just giving her space, and she is gonna get back on her meds she said..They say its harder for the people around you, than the person struggling with the depression..


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

englem007 said:


> Growing up my dad dealt with severe depression and PTSD, he was like a roller coaster,was a hard childhood dealing with that. He still struggles alot..
> Currently i have a GF we have been dating for a while,she was taking depression meds(Wellbutrin). She was a incredible women when i met her,but 2 months ago started weening off the meds and eventually got off completely.She has exact same symptoms..When i see her, she is really tired wants to sleep alot, lost her sex drive. She is very critical of her self says she is ugly, fat,etc...She really doesnt care about much right now either.. She is almost emotionless too... So im just giving her space, and she is gonna get back on her meds she said*..They say its harder for the people around you, than the person struggling with the depression*..


The person who said that last line never had depression... kidding, but not really - depression is not something to be taken lightly. It's more of an inconvenience for those around that person. Unless you are their significant other, in which case, neither person is living a healthy lifestyle at that point. And honestly, both should get help. I invited my ex to counsel with me a few years ago when I decided I finally wanted to get help. Her response: "I don't want to go, I don't want to find out I'm the source of your depression." Now that is love... ha!

Only question I have is why would she start weening off the meds? If the answer is because she felt okay... well, it is because of the meds she was doing so well. It's amazing how many people stop their meds because they feel better. Haha, I can say that because I did the same thing at one point.


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

I suffer from the same problem and it is a serious struggle. You should start counseling immediately and try do some things that can be joyful. Exercising helps to naturally provide what the drugs are and you are getting healthy. perhaps start playing a sport you like, go to the gym, or jog. Also be social staying inside the house can start to be a curse try meetup.com and look for groups with your interests and try it out.

I know how bad depression can be I really hope you go to counseling soon


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