# 5 yrs together, 9 months married...I think I want out



## butterfly04 (Jan 6, 2010)

I'm looking for some advice...
My husband and I have been together for 5 years now, we got together when I was 18, I'm now 24. He is 6 years older than me and has a daughter who is now 6. When I met him I was with another man and he "convinced" me that I deserved better, i.e. him, so I left my boyfriend at the time and moved in with my husband. He always said that he wouldn't propose until after I was 21 because he wanted to make sure that I would be "ready." Well we were fine after I turned 21 and we eventually got engaged and then married early 2009. In just the past few months I have started to realize that I want some independence. I want to experience the single life, to live alone, to date, to sustain myself. The hard part is that I still love my husband very much but I just want to make sure that this is what I want. I always thought I was ready but now I'm scared that I'm missing out on something but I'm also afraid of lettting my marriage go and regretting that as well. 
In essence I want my cake and eat it to. I don't want to make him wait nor is it fair to make him wait while I figure out what I need/want. The break down is I want to experience all of the things a young 20something wants to do and but how do I know that losing my husband is worth it?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

We all go through this when we are young. I guess you really have to think about what it would really be like to be without your husband, he sounds like a good man....
Some times we think the grass is greener on the other side but is it you will be dating men that just want to play the field, are you okay with that, just being one of their girls, that's what they do at that age.
I think a lot of women have a problem with fantasy and imagining a perfect relationship with some man in shinning armour. that's all that is a fantasy, when you mix real life issues and responsibilities into a relationship you realize you want a man who loves you, stands by you and has the over all package.
I would stop looking at my husband the way you are and start looking at all the good in him.......


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

I think the key here is to have some independence within your marriage. Both spouses need to have their friends that they spend some friend time with. This is much more of a need when you are younger (heck, I'm still only 28 and my wife 26).

We were married very young (18 and 20) and we both experienced something like what you are feeling. Not necessarily the living alone, sustaining oneself etc, but we both felt a need to get out with our friends and enjoy ourselves separate from our spouse. So we did. 

We would each get out with our friends a few times a month away from each other. Neither of us were interested in anyone else, but found that the time out with friends helped us keep our sanity. We both still try to make it a regular activity, just not as much as we used to. 

Couples need lots of together time, but they also need to get out with their friends too.


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