# Advice please...



## CeeDub (May 12, 2010)

Hello all,
I just signed up for this last night, and it seems like a good place to get advice. Okay, so I have been married almost 2 years now, and I have really enjoyed it until a week ago. My wife and I don't have sex that much, and when we do, at least the start of it is always painful for her. I consider myself an average size guy, and we do use lube, but sometimes the lube makes the act less stimulating for me. This is when we do have sex. I almost ALWAYS have to initiate sex, and I have spoken with my wife about this, but she always tells me that she is just not that sexual. She likes having sex, but if we are to do it, I have to figure out when is a good time for both of us and initiate. Also, most times, no matter what, I can't seem to finish. I have looked up the problem and found pages about "delayed ejaculation" and think that may be part of my problem, but I am not sure. We haven't been married too long, I'm only 33 and my wife is 26. Most times I feel like I'm the younger one, but that is for another thread I'm sure. I am beginning to feel like my wife doesn't want me, or has no interest in sex at all, and I feel guilty sometimes when the mood strikes. I wanted to get some feedback before I talk to her about this again.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

I had a period of 'delayed ejaculation'-type difficulty some years ago. Suddenly everything came right and then there was no stopping us! Looking back I put it down to anxiety and a loss of confidence. It's one of those vicious circles - goes wrong a couple of times and you worry it will be like this forever. Not so! I couldn't begin to guess why there's a disparity between your appetites. But if you talk to your wife tactfully and maybe suggest you both go for some advice maybe you'll both be able to explore what's amiss between you.


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## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

My OM has some of this. It takes him quite a bit of time to ejaculate, although I dont mind as its the only sex I get for now. My other man has conflict over his desire for so much sex bc his wife doesnt want it that often either and when they have sex she is like ok, get off me bc you are done. It has made him feel guilty wanting it so much as well. That being said its "delayed" with me means he can go for 10-30 minutes before it happens. He may be delaying it on purpose to stay in longer since I dont mind and am a willing participant, and I let him linger in there after we are done, which he nor I get with our spouses... mine pushes me off when its over... But the other man has expressed the conflict. So I am just chiming in with Steve71. Im sure it takes him a long time maybe longer, with his wife bc he is stressed about it. I could ask him? We are pretty open with one another about that stuff.

You mentioned you feel guilty when the mood strikes which will come out as stress in your body. I also started to feel guilty when the mood struck me with my husband as I knew I was going to be turned down... and he would tell me there was something wrong with me in his eyes for wanting sex with him more than he wanted it. It made me have a complex so that now that he is initiating again, I have trouble bc I was made to feel it was wrong of me for so long. 

Ill let you know if I find a "cure."


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## CeeDub (May 12, 2010)

Steve71 and whynot, thanks for the responses....I am going to have a talk with my wife, see if we can work on this together. It's good for me to get views from other people; I really appreciate it.


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