# Anxiety about cheating



## kahlan (Apr 22, 2010)

My husband and I have been married a little over a year. Shortly after we got married I began an episode of severe anxiety. I've had two previous episodes with anxiety. The anxiety began because of multiple issues, but one of the major ones was just being married. I constantly feel inadequate in my marriage. My husband doesn't make me feel this way, I do. I thought that my love and devotion towards my husband would be more, but it wasn't. This isn't a bad thing because my love and devotion to him was fine before.

Anyway, one issue that came up was cheating. I began to be really afraid that I would cheat on my husband. I've never come close to cheating, but those of you with anxiety can understand that you can become afraid of anything. You don't know what you are capable of. You find yourself saying, "What if I did this? What if I did that?" Lots of times they are things you would never do, but you still get afraid.

When I told my husband about this, initially, he got upset, but then he realized that it was just the anxiety talking. Since then I've been thinking about my opinion on cheating and I can't make up my mind about it.

When I hear of people cheating I don't think any less of them. I'm the kind of person that says that I'm not in your shoes so I can't judge you. People usually cheat because they are having problems in their marriage. So sometimes I'll just say their spouse was a jerk so it wasn't that bad. 

My husband thinks cheating is wrong no matter what. He says that is you want to be with someone else you should break up or divorce the person your with so that you can be with someone else. This got us thinking that maybe I think divorce is worse than cheating.

I really don't think I would cheat on my husband. Like I said above, people who cheat are usually unhappy in their marriage and are probably not communicating well. I realize I could become unhappy in my marriage, but my husband and I communicate just fine. We can read each other well and we tell each other everything. We can't keep things from each other.

So its kind of like I'm saying cheating is not that bad if you are having really bad problems in your relationship, but my husband and I won' have really bad problems in our relationship because we communicate well. But what if we stop communicating well? How do I know I won't cheat on him? If I don't feel the same way as my husband does on this issue he'll leave me.

Please, I need help. I can't make up my mind. I get so upset when I think about this. I feel like I'm an inherently bad person. I think about killing myself because I'm so bad I don't deserve to live. I'm too embarassed to talk to anyone about this because I'm afraid they will think the same thing.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

kahlan said:


> When I hear of people cheating I don't think any less of them.
> 
> I get so upset when I think about this. I feel like I'm an inherently bad person. I think about killing myself because I'm so bad I don't deserve to live.


So when you think of someone else cheating, you dont think they are bad people but even at the thought that you might cheat, you want to kill yourself for being so bad? is that right? If you dont think cheating is that bad, then why so upset about it? why would you think you're bad?


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

I guess Im an old fart but marriage is a vow, your word of honor, these days the vow should be changed to until I dont feel like it anymore. I still think a person is pretty low to cheat, they should put the energy into fixing their marriage or get out of the marriage.


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## kahlan (Apr 22, 2010)

Blanca said:


> So when you think of someone else cheating, you dont think they are bad people but even at the thought that you might cheat, you want to kill yourself for being so bad? is that right? If you dont think cheating is that bad, then why so upset about it? why would you think you're bad?


I think I'm bad because I think I should have a worse opinion about cheating. I feel like I should think its wrong no matter the circumstances.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Well it sure isnt honest, fair or honorable to the person being cheated on.


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