# Abundant, glorious, unselfish and all in the table sex, the way to full happiness



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I just wanted to know how many people here believe that feeling completely satisfied with your sex life, completely loved by your partners attention...think that is all what matters to reach full happiness in life...and if so, shouldn't it be enough as a reason for LSD people to overcome their upbringing sex related problems?..because, if they are healthy otherwise, their parents and community are the ones who Fu....k them good...and it is unfortunate....

If you think that feeling happy and fully satisfied in your sex life, is the sigle most important bond between two people, then shouldn't we be arguing in this forum that all the time, to help marriages to be closer?

If you don't think having a full sex life is enough to reach happiness, explain yourself, because to me having something so special between two people, spill over everything else you do in your life....


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

Please stop asking this question over and over again....


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> I just wanted to know how many people here believe that feeling completely satisfied with your sex life, completely loved by your partners attention...think that is all what matters to reach full happiness in life...and if so, shouldn't it be enough as a reason for LSD people to overcome their upbringing sex related problems?..because, if they are healthy otherwise, their parents and community are the ones who Fu....k them good...and it is unfortunate....
> 
> If you think that feeling happy and fully satisfied in your sex life, is the sigle most important bond between two people, then shouldn't we be arguing in this forum that all the time, to help marriages to be closer?
> 
> If you don't think having a full sex life is enough to reach happiness, explain yourself, because to me having something so special between two people, spill over everything else you do in your life....


You want what YOU want, AND you want everyone else to want what YOU want. Good for you that you want what you want. Not everyone does.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So here's my thoughts, based on your latest blurp...

Why should it be simply the LSD spouse's responsibility to up their game to match the HSD spouse? Not everyone feels the same way about "love languages". Is the HSD spouse going to step up the same way for whatever tells the LSD spouse that they love them? Hopefully, I'd say.

Seems to me that marriage should be a compromise. In some things, compromise isn't possible. Kids vs. no kids, moving to another location, etc. You either do or don't. But when it comes to sex in a relationship, it's not cut and dried, and a compromise might be the best solution if there's not a balance. Not just give on one side.

Personally, I'm all for a full and satisfying sex life. But I didn't get married JUST for the sex. So if everything else was good in a relationship, but that needed some tweaking, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. And I wouldn't keep harping on it, and continually pushing and stressing my partner about it.

C


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

PBear said:


> So here's my thoughts, based on your latest blurp...
> 
> Why should it be simply the LSD spouse's responsibility to up their game to match the HSD spouse? Not everyone feels the same way about "love languages". Is the HSD spouse going to step up the same way for whatever tells the LSD spouse that they love them? Hopefully, I'd say.


<---- PBear is telling it straight.



> Seems to me that marriage should be a compromise. In some things, compromise isn't possible. Kids vs. no kids, moving to another location, etc. You either do or don't. But when it comes to sex in a relationship, it's not cut and dried, and a compromise might be the best solution if there's not a balance. Not just give on one side.
> 
> Personally, I'm all for a full and satisfying sex life. But I didn't get married JUST for the sex. So if everything else was good in a relationship, but that needed some tweaking, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. And I wouldn't keep harping on it, and continually pushing and stressing my partner about it.
> 
> C


And pushing and harping are counter productive to a good sex life.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You have to have more than a good sex life to be happy. It is not the one important thing that holds two people together. There has to be balance in the marriage.

I will say that having a good sex life will allow you to let petty things go. To overlook small faults. So what if he leaves the lid off of the toothpaste.

I know what you are looking for. Sometimes it just isn't possible. Nothing wrong with you or her. You two are not compatible in this area. 

I was not sexually compatible with my 1st H. We divorced over many issues, not just this. I told myself if I marry again we will be sexually compatible. H and I are, but we have problems in other areas. So nothing is perfect.

When sex is awesome you are always looking for ways to heighten the satisfaction, so the quest for better fulfillment is never quenched.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> Please stop asking this question over and over again....


Feeling close is the only way to be fully happy in a relationship. Otherwise, what is the point...i mean you can be content with being by yourself and even content of being in a relationship where both agree and feel okay with and okay sex life and that is fine, my point is when you are not happy in a relationship because of the lack of feeling close because there is something missing in your life...somethin you recent, ar angry about it and just cant live without, you watch porn, fantacized, etc...now, if you know there is love in your relationship, work, and fight the good fight..that is my point...it can happen to you too...it happen to me...I have comprimised with my wife, she understands the importance of communicating...really communicating....being atentive and basically give her best shot at making sure you get what you need from her to feel loved...i guess my situation is different to a lot people here since I have been with my wife for 22 years and just turn 40, both, so....after suffering and making suffer, finally...we got to the place i can go by without having to end up in a dark place....

Well, just want to say...if you love someone, and they love you back but there is a big gap in the sex department you have to fight...because not doing it is missing out in something wonderful....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> If you think that feeling happy and fully satisfied in your sex life, is the sigle most important bond between two people, then shouldn't we be arguing in this forum that all the time, to help marriages to be closer?
> 
> If you don't think having a full sex life is enough to reach happiness, explain yourself, because to me having something so special between two people, spill over everything else you do in your life.



Marco, Yes, these things R very important- the sex life you speak of - but they are NOT the most important to every husband & wife. This is actually a Blessid thing though -otherwise there would be many more divorces -- especially where one spouse felt the other "needed" to bestow the same level of sexual INTENSITY upon them. We may *want* this, but many of us need to realize we dont *NEED* it. Some who have "Love Addictions" confuse WANTS and NEEDS. 

You have to keep in mind where you are posting, many many who come here are struggling mightily in the sex/desire/closeness department & it will do their marraiges & other halves no favors to become obsessed with love making to express this closeness- "*expecting*" the same in return, this will only set themselves up to ever MORE heartache & further alienate their lower drive spouse, or forget lower drive, it could be a # of other things interfering with the connection! 

I know as I caused my own dear husband some "performance anxiety" for a time, I also had him thinking he was not "enough" for me, which crushed him. This was not helping "us". But we kept talking our way through all of this, yes, communication is paramount. 

First is to gain deep understanding, but unfortunetly with this , for many --we learn we just don't WANT & desire the same things !! Then you are at a cross roads. 

There is a time to ease up on the intensity of these things you speak of, in love for our partners-depending on where they are at the time. Many couples need to resolve past hurts/resentments, some may need therapy, addictions stand in the way, etc etc , a truck load of issues we have never encountered. Even a good connecting sex life will not outweigh these pains. 



marcopoly69 said:


> ..i guess my situation is different to a lot people here since I have been with my wife for 22 years and just turn 40, both, so....after suffering and making suffer, finally...we got to the place i can go by without having to end up in a dark place....
> 
> Well, just want to say...if you love someone, and they love you back but there is a big gap in the sex department you have to fight...because not doing it is missing out in something wonderful....



The majority of reasons given here are NOT yours -your wife simply having inhibitions, sexual and communicatively. Many of us need to open up MORE in these areas, but it rarely happens over night. It sounds besides this, you have been very patient for many years, and shared a decent fullfilling marriage. If this is all that plagued the majority of marraiges, Yes, this "fight" you speak of, may go over so much more smoothly.

We know you want to shout from the Rooftops Marco! 

Here is a nice guideline written up for a balanced view of a Healthy marriage http://www.thirdage.com/articles/10-essential-ingredients-building-healthy-relationship-0


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> If you think that feeling happy and fully satisfied in your sex life, is the sigle most important bond between two people, then shouldn't we be arguing in this forum that all the time, to help marriages to be closer?


Marco, this is exactly what I see being argued on this board all of the time. When a fully satisfied sex life is important to one spouse, it should be communicated appropriately and managed just as appropriately. We see those posts all the time on this board.

But you need to agree that each and every couple is different. A fully satisfied sex life may be fine for one couple but not required for another. I think its that part you don't understand. When libido's match, seems this board praises that. When they don't the "arguments" for and against ensue.

What else are you looking for?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You are fighting and dissatisfied because she does not want what you want. She loves you but love is not one person doing everything for the other person. Why not do the kindest thing you can for her, divorce and find someone who and give you everything that you see on porn. She will probably be relieved to get away from the constant conflict. 

I think you are starting to see the withdrawal that results from resentment and it will only get worse. No woman likes to have sex with a man who is angry and makes demands. She will fight back, it's human nature. 

You can try something else, if you love her. Turn off the porn; studies show that men who become fixated on porn sex actually become more satisfied with real sex when they stop. If you don't love her enough to turn off the porn that is ruing your life, then you should understand why she does not want to have porn sex.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> and if so, shouldn't it be enough as a reason for LSD people to overcome their upbringing sex related problems?


You spend a lot of time thinking of what SHE should do if she loved you. What should YOU do if you love her?

I feel closest to my husband when we are talking


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Feeling close is the only way to be fully happy in a relationship. Otherwise, what is the point...i mean you can be content with being by yourself and even content of being in a relationship where both agree and feel okay with and okay sex life and that is fine, my point is when you are not happy in a relationship because of the lack of feeling close because there is something missing in your life...somethin you recent, ar angry about it and just cant live without, you watch porn, fantacized, etc...now, if you know there is love in your relationship, work, and fight the good fight..that is my point...it can happen to you too...it happen to me...I have comprimised with my wife, she understands the importance of communicating...really communicating....being atentive and basically give her best shot at making sure you get what you need from her to feel loved...i guess my situation is different to a lot people here since I have been with my wife for 22 years and just turn 40, both, so....after suffering and making suffer, finally...we got to the place i can go by without having to end up in a dark place....
> 
> Well, just want to say...if you love someone, and they love you back but there is a big gap in the sex department you have to fight...because not doing it is missing out in something wonderful....


If the only way you feel close to her is by having sex with her, then your relationship is in big trouble. 

I feel close to my boyfriend when we have sex. But I also feel close to him when we just hold each other, when we talk, when we work on a project together, when we watch a TV show or movie that we both like together, when we go do things together with the kids, when we cook together...do you see where I'm going with this? 

I've seen a lot of your posts over the last few months, and all you ever seem to talk about is what she should do for you if she loves you. I've never seen anything in here about what you should do for her if you love her. I see you ask for ways you can get her to do what you want, but I never see you ask for ways you can start doing what she wants. 

It kind of seems, from what I see here, like your relationship is very one sided and based in large part on sex. Maybe she sees that. Frankly, if I realized that my relationship was all about him and what he wanted and based on sex, I probably wouldn't be too keen to be all that adventurous with him, either. You might want to give that a little thought.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> If the only way you feel close to her is by having sex with her, then your relationship is in big trouble.
> 
> I feel close to my boyfriend when we have sex. But I also feel close to him when we just hold each other, when we talk, when we work on a project together, when we watch a TV show or movie that we both like together, when we go do things together with the kids, when we cook together...do you see where I'm going with this?
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Marco,

Sex is important in a marriage, I have said that sex for a marriage is like one important organ for our body, but it is not the only one. 

In your marriage, you have sex often, your marriage body doesn't lack this organ. 

What you are missing here is you want this organ to be superb, overshadows other organs. 

You want all the kinky sex, oral, anal, toys, and double penetration, bla bla bla.................................It is OK that you want all these, but you are not patient enough to take it slowly. My husband gets wild by thinking of doing me anal, but he is taking it slowly slowly slowly..................He wants to make sure I am relaxed and happy with it, this procedure will take months maybe. I have said many times that sex is not only about one spouse. Sex needs two, sex is about two, two of them have to enjoy it. If one doesn't, then she will withdraw, and you will feel even more miserable.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Marco,
> 
> Sex is important in a marriage, I have said that sex for a marriage is like one important organ for our body, but it is not the only one.
> 
> ...


I see everyone's point and agree that it depends of what you want or need to feel complete in your life...but no one has addressed the issue of the need for LSD people that have experience this problems with their HSD partners all their lives and are keeping them from being happy as it is always a struggle...the HSD doesnt feel close to the LSD because there is no trust....the HSD cant think about how wonderful a situation may be later in the day because he/she can't count in the LSD partner to deliver because this is not understanding the need for the HSD to feel like he/she can count with them...this is the issue I am aguing for all the LSD people here that if the HSD cant count with you to satisfy their needs, there cant be the level of closeness that people need to reach full happiness in a relationship...it is truth, I come across as aggressive and that i may only think about sex, but it is not truth is part of my life and it was a part that needed fixing...my wife now understands that she needs to worry about me when we are together, show me that she also wants to be with me...and it has changed the dinamics,,,,i feel sexier, desired...wanted...and this my friends is the best thing has happened to me....at least for a while...so this is my point, while i understand that everyone is differente and may want different things from life and their relationships, what i want to share is that when the HSD partner finally gets what he/she always dreamed off, is wonderful......if my wife doesnt feel like having sex, i am okay with it a 100% of the time....but if she wants to be with me, she understands now that i need her to be active and showing that she cares about making me feel wanted.....so am i wrong?....don't think so since i am going through the best time of my life...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Feeling close is the only way to be fully happy in a relationship. Otherwise, what is the point...i mean you can be content with being by yourself and even content of being in a relationship where both agree and feel okay with and okay sex life and that is fine, my point is when you are not happy in a relationship because of the lack of feeling close because there is something missing in your life...somethin you recent, ar angry about it and just cant live without, you watch porn, fantacized, etc...now, if you know there is love in your relationship, work, and fight the good fight..that is my point...it can happen to you too...it happen to me...I have comprimised with my wife, she understands the importance of communicating...really communicating....being atentive and basically give her best shot at making sure you get what you need from her to feel loved...i guess my situation is different to a lot people here since I have been with my wife for 22 years and just turn 40, both, so....after suffering and making suffer, finally...we got to the place i can go by without having to end up in a dark place....
> 
> Well, just want to say...if you love someone, and they love you back but there is a big gap in the sex department you have to fight...because not doing it is missing out in something wonderful....


Feeling close is very IMPORTANT in any relationship - husband/wife, mother/child, father/child, etc.

But 'your' definition of close may not be the definition of others. Hence, the Five Love Languages. 

My husband feels close to me when I compliment him, use words that make him feel important to me and like a man.

I feel close when he touches me - hugs, holding my hand, patting me on the shoulder, etc.

We have different emotional love languages - doesn't make either one of us right or wrong - we just receive love differently.

It's great that she is making an effort to communicate more with you, but, have you figured out what her 'love lanaguage' is? This could bring you even closer if you both knew what was needed to speak each other's language.

Read the book, buy the CDs, you'll be surprised what you could learn (I was). 

And your situation is not unique - some of us have been (or are) where you are. I have been married to my husband more than 26 years and I am 50 - we've been through the ups and downs of most marriages including a stroke and a TBI - that can "really" test a marriage - you have no idea!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> I see everyone's point and agree that it depends of what you want or need to feel complete in your life...but no one has addressed the issue of the need for LSD people that have experience this problems with their HSD partners all their lives and are keeping them from being happy as it is always a struggle...the HSD doesnt feel close to the LSD because there is no trust....the HSD cant think about how wonderful a situation may be later in the day because he/she can't count in the LSD partner to deliver because this is not understanding the need for the HSD to feel like he/she can count with them...this is the issue I am aguing for all the LSD people here that if the HSD cant count with you to satisfy their needs, there cant be the level of closeness that people need to reach full happiness in a relationship...it is truth, I come across as aggressive and that i may only think about sex, but it is not truth is part of my life and it was a part that needed fixing...my wife now understands that she needs to worry about me when we are together, show me that she also wants to be with me...and it has changed the dinamics,,,,i feel sexier, desired...wanted...and this my friends is the best thing has happened to me....at least for a while...so this is my point, while i understand that everyone is differente and may want different things from life and their relationships, what i want to share is that when the HSD partner finally gets what he/she always dreamed off, is wonderful......if my wife doesnt feel like having sex, i am okay with it a 100% of the time....but if she wants to be with me, she understands now that i need her to be active and showing that she cares about making me feel wanted.....so am i wrong?....don't think so since i am going through the best time of my life...


There are many reasons why couples don't have much sex. 

We don't know their exact reasons. 

Women tend to store resentment, men tend to get bored of the same thing. After the first stage of infatuation, people lose enthusiasm, they come back to the reality, they find out that what they have is not what they expected, they become disappointed, they sink into depression, or they just don't think it is important to fulfill their spouses' needs. If they don't need it, their spouses don't need it either, that might be what's in their mind.

Your wife is fulfilling your physical needs, you have to realize that. 

We want this world to be ideal, but this world isn't a perfect world. We want our life to be perfect, but it is just impossible, pursuing perfectionism is not practical thinking.

For a couple, I think it is difficult for their sex drive to match, if the one who doesn't need much sex just lets the one who needs more sex have as much as he or she wants, then it is great, then we won't see so many men and women come to the sex section to seek advice. I am puzzled too. I see people lose a lot of pleasure in their life. Sex within a couple is wonderful entertainment, and it is free, if we don't do it, we just waste it. But hey, please don't think that I encourage kinky sex or forced sex!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> I see everyone's point and agree that it depends of what you want or need to feel complete in your life...but no one has addressed the issue of the need for LSD people that have experience this problems with their HSD partners all their lives and are keeping them from being happy as it is always a struggle...the HSD doesnt feel close to the LSD because there is no trust....the HSD cant think about how wonderful a situation may be later in the day because he/she can't count in the LSD partner to deliver because this is not understanding the need for the HSD to feel like he/she can count with them...this is the issue I am aguing for all the LSD people here that if the HSD cant count with you to satisfy their needs, there cant be the level of closeness that people need to reach full happiness in a relationship...it is truth, I come across as aggressive and that i may only think about sex, but it is not truth is part of my life and it was a part that needed fixing...my wife now understands that she needs to worry about me when we are together, show me that she also wants to be with me...and it has changed the dinamics,,,,i feel sexier, desired...wanted...and this my friends is the best thing has happened to me....at least for a while...so this is my point, while i understand that everyone is differente and may want different things from life and their relationships, what i want to share is that when the HSD partner finally gets what he/she always dreamed off, is wonderful......if my wife doesnt feel like having sex, i am okay with it a 100% of the time....but if she wants to be with me, she understands now that i need her to be active and showing that she cares about making me feel wanted.....so am i wrong?....don't think so since i am going through the best time of my life...


What about the LSD's inability to trust their HSD partner? If you're always pushing for sex, she probably doesn't feel comfortable coming to you for comfort or just to simply be held. She probably thinks that if she does that, you're going to assume she wants sex and get offended if she doesn't, or that you'll try to turn it into sex. 

You are placing way too much pressure on sex to bring closeness to your relationship. What are you going to do if one day you or your wife ends up with a medical condition that means you can't have sex? I understand that sex can be important to making a couple feel close, I certainly feel closer to my boyfriend when we have had sex. But I don't need sex to feel close to him. There are other things we can do, other ways he can show me that he loves me that bring us closer together.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

marc, this is all your fault, what were you thinking man?


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Feeling close is very IMPORTANT in any relationship - husband/wife, mother/child, father/child, etc.
> 
> But 'your' definition of close may not be the definition of others. Hence, the Five Love Languages.
> 
> ...


This is something I always tell my wife, it is important that we work in our relationship so when times are tough we both know how to make the other feel safe and loved. In our case, she needs me to treat her like a queen...which is my nature anyways, I am a worrier by nature, I am the same with my dautghers always telling them how much I love them and how pretty, smart and helpful around the house they are....I cuddled with my wife, I worry about her menstruation pain (make sure she eats properly, including blackstrap molasees to replinished some needed minerals), etc....so what I am saying is that i do my best to make my wife and my family feel safe and happy...i just needed for my wife to understand that i was recenting her for many years of not feeling happy with our sex life...what i needed was acceptance and demostration of love for me...and now is happening everyday...she tells me how much she loves me and appriciates me....when we are together she initiates and jump on me...before she would just lay down like a piece of meet with no reaction...it was very depresing...now i feel loved....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> There are many reasons why couples don't have much sex.
> 
> We don't know their exact reasons.
> 
> ...


I agree with the way you view life and relationships, but it is important to let people know what we experienced....it is true that my wife did not do a lot of things in bed with me 5 years ago...i mean it was painful....taking my hands away, begging for something different, and just doing what she wanted basically...very boring right?...i masturbated to porn, fantazised about other woman, and just couldnt talk to my wife about that part of my life...so we were not close...how can you when have secrets from your wife.....many secrets.....so after going through a roll coaster of emotions and fights and cryings and doing research to try to figure out if I was the one crasy and sick, i realized that a lot of people feel like me and that there is nothing wrong with me on the contrary i am blessed to have this sexual power.....my wife came around and she nows gets it...and she is enjoying it because she has been able to relax and learn to enjoy sex.....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> What about the LSD's inability to trust their HSD partner? If you're always pushing for sex, she probably doesn't feel comfortable coming to you for comfort or just to simply be held. She probably thinks that if she does that, you're going to assume she wants sex and get offended if she doesn't, or that you'll try to turn it into sex.
> 
> You are placing way too much pressure on sex to bring closeness to your relationship. What are you going to do if one day you or your wife ends up with a medical condition that means you can't have sex? I understand that sex can be important to making a couple feel close, I certainly feel closer to my boyfriend when we have had sex. But I don't need sex to feel close to him. There are other things we can do, other ways he can show me that he loves me that bring us closer together.


You need to be with someone 22 years and have children and history together to realize that what you are saying is wrong....satisfying and full of trust sex is wonderful when you both are healthy, as soon as a healthy issue comes along, the mind goes into a different face...you worry about the love of your life and sex takes a sit on the back....it has happened to me when my wife had surgery and we were not together for about a month...no drama...no problem...no lack of love towards my wife.......i am arguing that to all woman that have issues around sex, need to work them out...and you do it by being honest with your partner and talk about all that is in your mind, you educate yourself, and keep talking about how you can becaome real friends when naked in bed....that is the point being friends, being able to talk when doing sexual things for each other, i dont like this, do it slower, not so hard, etc, and you partner is following your directions...because there is trust and both are in the same page about giving each other placer and in the process feeling closer...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> marc, this is all your fault, what were you thinking man?


Dont know what you are talking about?....just trying to help people like me....that think something is wrong with them.....there is nothing wrong with you.....sex should not be a taboo and woman or men feeling low desire should work at trying to figure out how they can make it better.....is god given gift to human only species that have this in the planet, i mean we can enjoy it everyday....animals not so much...


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

marcopoly69 said:


> Dont know what you are talking about?....just trying to help people like me....that think something is wrong with them.....there is nothing wrong with you.....sex should not be a taboo and woman or men feeling low desire should work at trying to figure out how they can make it better.....is god given gift to human only species that have this in the planet, i mean we can enjoy it everyday....animals not so much...


sorry, i was being my normal sarcastic self. i see nothing wrong with a relationship that is mutually fulfilling, carry on


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Marco,

Good for you! 

If you want to share your experience, it is great. 

I think what you did made people misunderstand you, it might have been the language barrier. 

You turned your boring sex life into something fulfilling and interesting, that's great. 

I think you should start a thread telling people your experience starts from many years ago and tell people how you achieved what you wanted. But please don't go back and forth, today you are happy with what you have and tomorrow you are not happy with what you have. People might think you are being too demanding and whining.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> You need to be with someone 22 years and have children and history together to realize that what you are saying is wrong....satisfying and full of trust sex is wonderful when you both are healthy, as soon as a healthy issue comes along, the mind goes into a different face...you worry about the love of your life and sex takes a sit on the back....it has happened to me when my wife had surgery and we were not together for about a month...no drama...no problem...no lack of love towards my wife.......i am arguing that to all woman that have issues around sex, need to work them out...and you do it by being honest with your partner and talk about all that is in your mind, you educate yourself, and keep talking about how you can becaome real friends when naked in bed....that is the point being friends, being able to talk when doing sexual things for each other, i dont like this, do it slower, not so hard, etc, and you partner is following your directions...because there is trust and both are in the same page about giving each other placer and in the process feeling closer...


Do not imply that because I am younger than you that I am wrong. You have your opinion of why your marriage has been miserable; I have mine. Mine is based on what you write here. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, but do not tell me I am wrong just because you don't agree. 

In addition, you are "arguing that to all woman that have issues around sex, need to work them out...". Perhaps you should consider the possibility that, as a man, you cannot possibly begin to understand what is going on in a woman's body or mind, so you have no basis on which to tell a woman that she needs to work ANYTHING out. 

Oh, and for the record, I have an incredibly healthy sex drive. And I am still offended by your attitude.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Marco,
> 
> Good for you!
> 
> ...


There is no turning back now....we both know with my wife that we move passed going back and talking about the same things....now we talk and really communicate with each other....i mean she gets it now....she finally makes me feel like everything I have worked so hard for and this also means dropping 50 pounds (the heaviest ive ever been) and well, she knows now that she needs to make me feel and tell me that she likes, desires and wants me....she gets it now, and she is not trying hard, on the contrary is happening everyday, she kiss me...really kisses me I feel her amazing lips and tongue in my mouth (before we would go months without French kissing), now it happens nearly everyday....so it is wonderful feel like a real couple again...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> Do not imply that because I am younger than you that I am wrong. You have your opinion of why your marriage has been miserable; I have mine. Mine is based on what you write here. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, but do not tell me I am wrong just because you don't agree.
> 
> In addition, you are "arguing that to all woman that have issues around sex, need to work them out...". Perhaps you should consider the possibility that, as a man, you cannot possibly begin to understand what is going on in a woman's body or mind, so you have no basis on which to tell a woman that she needs to work ANYTHING out.
> 
> Oh, and for the record, I have an incredibly healthy sex drive. And I am still offended by your attitude.


Sorry but is truth, the more years you have and the more you work and face relationships conflict, the more you educate yourself, you come to understands that all of us, woman and man alike, wants the same things in life, and that if the feel inadequate around sex must be their upbringing (if healthy) and they have to start by recognising this, and work at it....figure out who you want to be....you dont want to turn 70 look back and say, I never got to be myself with my partner because i never fought the good fight...


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Sorry but is truth, the more years you have and the more you work and face relationships conflict, the more you educate yourself, you come to understands that all of us, woman and man alike, wants the same things in life,


I am very likely older than you by a good bit. I have 2 children and have been married for 16 years. I can tell you without any shadow of a doubt that we DON'T all want the same things in life.

If someone EVER told me that I "should get over my issues", I would have told them to take a giant hike. NO I don't like anal because it is gross, hurts and that is where p00p goes. Sorry chuck, I am entitled to that PREFERENCE. For the record, DH's patience, kindness and giving have worked on my trust, I now gift it to him on a semi-regular basis. I even enjoy it sometimes.

I agree with you that each partner in a marriage should work actively to give the other what they need and want out of a relationship. But I see no more default onus on an LD to meet the HD. I see them as both having an onus to meet each other where they are.

That YOU think sex is the be-all of the world does not mean that EVERYONE does. The fact that you repeatedly come here and admonish women to basically get over it is kind of rude. It makes one wonder if you are likewise kinda rude to your poor wife!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Sorry but is truth, the more years you have and the more you work and face relationships conflict, the more you educate yourself, you come to understands that all of us, woman and man alike, wants the same things in life, and that if the feel inadequate around sex must be their upbringing (if healthy) and they have to start by recognising this, and work at it....figure out who you want to be....you dont want to turn 70 look back and say, I never got to be myself with my partner because i never fought the good fight...


The more years you have...and yet you have how many years on me and yet here you are? Obviously your theory is quite flawed. 

As is your theory that everyone wants the same things in life. Who are you to decide what anyone other than yourself wants in life? It is my life, I get to decide what I want out of it. Everyone has their own life and gets to decide what they want from it. And you are not anyone other than yourself, so you need to decide what you want and stop trying to tell other people what they should want, based on what you want. 

You keep going on about how you want your wife to do this for you and that for you and be open and adventurous and so on...and in this post you mention figuring out who you want to be and being able to be yourself with your partner. Have you ever considered that she IS being herself and you are REFUSING to accept her that way? And THAT is why you are so miserable? Because YOU are REFUSING to accept her as she is and instead are trying to CHANGE her and she doesn't want that. 

If you want the right to be yourself with your partner, then you must give her the same right and the same respect. If you aren't happy with who she is, then let her go and find someone else that you are happy with. You have no more right to demand she change than she has to demand you change.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> The more years you have...and yet you have how many years on me and yet here you are? Obviously your theory is quite flawed.
> 
> As is your theory that everyone wants the same things in life. Who are you to decide what anyone other than yourself wants in life? It is my life, I get to decide what I want out of it. Everyone has their own life and gets to decide what they want from it. And you are not anyone other than yourself, so you need to decide what you want and stop trying to tell other people what they should want, based on what you want.
> 
> ...


We all want to experience happiness, stability and health...don't we?...now what does it for you is a different story....all my views point towards those that are suffering because they are not getting any or very little....or they just don't feel satisfy...so if you love your partner and your partner love you back but there is a big difference in sexual drive or simply there is no trust of confidence to talk about sexual things that there is hope for you...my wife and I have come a long way and today we are really loving each other the way we need...with respect for each others needs and boundaries.... i wont ask my wife for a three some or anything like that.....my point is that if you love and trust someone and understand that his her high degree of sexuality is not her / his fault so in the same way you may be suffering from feeling that the other one only wants sex, they are suffering exactly the same as you are...the difference is that sexual power is so powerful that may end a relationship or one can ended up cheating...so if you ask me is worth the talk and fixing it ......


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> I am very likely older than you by a good bit. I have 2 children and have been married for 16 years. I can tell you without any shadow of a doubt that we DON'T all want the same things in life.
> 
> If someone EVER told me that I "should get over my issues", I would have told them to take a giant hike. NO I don't like anal because it is gross, hurts and that is where p00p goes. Sorry chuck, I am entitled to that PREFERENCE. For the record, DH's patience, kindness and giving have worked on my trust, I now gift it to him on a semi-regular basis. I even enjoy it sometimes.
> 
> ...


Call somebody poor wife if she is being cheated upon, or treat it like an idiot or garbage, my wife is my queen....i live for her, i take breakfast to her bed every Saturday and Sundays, I bring her tea every night, I cosntanly remember all our special dates, send her flowers, etc...so don't call my wife poor wife....she is lucky that I have spent so much time trying to figure out how we can be happy together...truly happy.....i dont go out with friends, everything i do, i do with her and my children...she has her space though as i like to watch the news for a couple of hours every night while she is with the children or doing whatever....but when we finaly meet to watch a show, i have her tea and grapefruit ready, and we cuddle and kiss....and after the show, if am lucky i get to experience beatiful placer...like last night i have an extraordinary hand job were a cum like a horse..it was quite amazing...she was amazing and i told her that was a long and powerful orgasms that you gave me...how does it feel to have that kind of power over you man?? - she was smiling...she is getting it now...how much happiness she can bring to our relationship but just enjoying giving me pleasure...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Marco, a relationship IS worth fixing. But you never seem to talk about compromise. It always seems like you're talking about your wife meeting YOUR needs. To me, the compromise is one of the keys to a healthy relationship, or one aspect of a relationship.

Again, I have no idea what your relationship is truly like, just what you post about in here. And that's the only thing we have to go on when providing feedback to you. But it seems that everything you post is "How do I get my wife to meet MY needs?" You talk about respecting her boundaries, but it seems you're only interested in pushing her boundaries continuously until they match your own. You say you won't ask her for a threesome, but you pushed her on anal until she gave in (my recollection, could be faulty). So how long until you decide what you have isn't enough, and you need something "more" (whether that's a threesome, taking video, bondage, whatever)? The whole thing with you seems to be that you're not happy with whatever you have, but you have to continuously be pushing for "the next thing". And to me, that's a dangerous personality trait. 

But I'm likely reading too much into it... Just providing my $0.02 though.

C


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> This is something I always tell my wife, it is important that we work in our relationship so when times are tough we both know how to make the other feel safe and loved. In our case, she needs me to treat her like a queen...which is my nature anyways, I am a worrier by nature, I am the same with my dautghers always telling them how much I love them and how pretty, smart and helpful around the house they are....I cuddled with my wife, I worry about her menstruation pain (make sure she eats properly, including blackstrap molasees to replinished some needed minerals), etc....so what I am saying is that i do my best to make my wife and my family feel safe and happy...i just needed for my wife to understand that i was recenting her for many years of not feeling happy with our sex life...what i needed was acceptance and demostration of love for me...and now is happening everyday...she tells me how much she loves me and appriciates me....when we are together she initiates and jump on me...before she would just lay down like a piece of meet with no reaction...it was very depresing...now i feel loved....



That's great!

Don't continue to focus on PAST resentment issues. They are exactly that - in the past.

Glad to hear things are improving. Sounds like your love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Now, make sure you know hers.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

PBear said:


> Marco, a relationship IS worth fixing. But you never seem to talk about compromise. It always seems like you're talking about your wife meeting YOUR needs. To me, the compromise is one of the keys to a healthy relationship, or one aspect of a relationship.
> 
> Again, I have no idea what your relationship is truly like, just what you post about in here. And that's the only thing we have to go on when providing feedback to you. But it seems that everything you post is "How do I get my wife to meet MY needs?" You talk about respecting her boundaries, but it seems you're only interested in pushing her boundaries continuously until they match your own. You say you won't ask her for a threesome, but you pushed her on anal until she gave in (my recollection, could be faulty). So how long until you decide what you have isn't enough, and you need something "more" (whether that's a threesome, taking video, bondage, whatever)? The whole thing with you seems to be that you're not happy with whatever you have, but you have to continuously be pushing for "the next thing". And to me, that's a dangerous personality trait.
> 
> ...


Is just my passion about this topic, i suffered for so long by myself...that when i finally had enough was very difficult for me as I just did not have patients and i was pretty intense and had a lot of problems with my wife, then i came here and i was able to understand better what we were going through so i share it with her....to me was a case of somebody growing up and having their parents constantly telling them how evil sex was...i mean i know my in laws...and not only they life like roommates but my mother in law doesn't even talk to my father in law about anything important....my father in law is very explosive, quite and short temper, so there you go, my wife never learned to face conflict and talk about it...i can easily say that i went to sleep about 100 times angry with my wife because she did not want to have sex...today, don't have to go through that anymore, she is more confortable, i am a good man...and she understand that the more i sexually desire her the more i am willing to do as much as i can to make her happy....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> That's great!
> 
> Don't continue to focus on PAST resentment issues. They are exactly that - in the past.
> 
> Glad to hear things are improving. Sounds like your love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Now, make sure you know hers.


Thanks for this, sometimes i get tired of deffending my love for my wife and all the work i have done so i can really feel close to my wife....think about this: the only way to really love your spouse is to be friends with your spouse...a beautiful friendship where you can talk about everything...where you both know that when the other tells you something that remotly sound relationship related, and the other is receptive and make sure answers you back...makes communication to succeed...i told my wife, that my problem is not so much everything sex but was feeling closer to her as a friend and husband and now where there is daily words of love and kissing and hugging and cuddling...and amazing sex....y amazing...i mean no kidding i am pretty good at it......i've done yoga for the pass 3 years and my tongue is ridiculously long and i go for everything, no inch of my wife's body gets unlicked...you get the picture....but i also massage her, and just get closer to her face and smell her lips, kiss her eyes....her nose.....her neck.......i am a romantic....i want to love my wife with all my passion and desire and want her to her best to show me the same...that's all


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> and my tongue is ridiculously long and i go for everything, no inch of my wife's body gets unlicked...you get the picture....but i also massage her, and just get closer to her face and smell her lips, kiss her eyes....her nose.....her neck.......i am a romantic....i want to love my wife with all my passion and desire and want her to her best to show me the same...


Oh Marco, you are making me crack up over here reading this, with your cumming like a horse a few posts back, and now this. :rofl: You are one *INTENSE* Physical Touching verbally expressive Romancing machine. Ha ha 

I feel it IS So important for each of us to *BE* who we are. We can't cage our deep emotions, nice thought but it doesn't work in the long run. I know you are a Giver, emotionally you Hurt terribly when she rejected your advances for sooo many years, this is TORMENT for someone who CRAVES touch. 

I think it is a beautiful thing - that you vowed to stay the course with her, not giving up on her or stuffing your emotions any longer, but determined to awaken her to understanding *YOU* at least - and stepping back a little to listen to her too, discovering what she needs from you. This so blesses you both. 

You have ran this race to the finish....Now finally being able to express all this PENT UP passion you have been holding back for half of your marragie & lavish her in all of it's intented fullness. 

It is never too late for Love. The "40's" are the new young.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh Marco, you are making me crack up over here reading this, with your cumming like a horse a few posts back, and now this. :rofl: You are one *INTENSE* Physical Touching verbally expressive Romancing machine. Ha ha
> 
> I feel it IS So important for each of us to *BE* who we are. We can't cage our deep emotions, nice thought but it doesn't work in the long run. I know you are a Giver, emotionally you Hurt terribly when she rejected your advances for sooo many years, this is TORMENT for someone who CRAVES touch.
> 
> ...


And let me tell you that I saw a big change in the way she worries about us when I told her that you were counseling me...I told her that based on my posts you realized that we were very similar in the way we experience life...and that I could benefit from your experiences with your husband, I told her that and she was okay but really started to invest more in making me feel wanted and loved...i guess she felt somehow at some level threat which is great because it gave her the last push she needed....so thank you again for reaching out to me and understand that not because a men needs to express her sexual dreams means that he is a bad husband or is not in love with his wife....is the same when husbands watch porn, is not about disrespect or lack of love for their wives is just a need that the primal in them needs to get out.....I would never forget what being able to talk to my wife about you, did for us....thanks....

Now, she is telling me in my ear before going to work, tonight you are going to get it......wow!.....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I just hope that some people suffering in their relationships can read me and understand that life can be better if they take the time to understand their situation, their partner where they come from and work at educate them and making sure they also realized how you are also educating yourself and that it is about compromising but also growing within a relationship.....is a true life is too short to age and not feeling close and in love with your spouse....


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh Marco, you are making me crack up over here reading this, with your cumming like a horse a few posts back, and now this. :rofl: You are one *INTENSE* Physical Touching verbally expressive Romancing machine. Ha ha
> 
> I feel it IS So important for each of us to *BE* who we are. We can't cage our deep emotions, nice thought but it doesn't work in the long run. I know you are a Giver, emotionally you Hurt terribly when she rejected your advances for sooo many years, this is TORMENT for someone who CRAVES touch.
> 
> ...


No, it's the 50's that are the new young!


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

marcopoly69 said:


> I just wanted to know how many people here believe that feeling completely satisfied with your sex life, completely loved by your partners attention...think that is all what matters to reach full happiness in life...and if so, shouldn't it be enough as a reason for LSD people to overcome their upbringing sex related problems?..because, if they are healthy otherwise, their parents and community are the ones who Fu....k them good...and it is unfortunate....
> 
> If you think that feeling happy and fully satisfied in your sex life, is the sigle most important bond between two people, then shouldn't we be arguing in this forum that all the time, to help marriages to be closer?
> 
> If you don't think having a full sex life is enough to reach happiness, explain yourself, because to me having something so special between two people, spill over everything else you do in your life....


It's a damn good start, and a wonderful place never to have to worry about problems, but you can't let the bedroom turn into an escape from reality or way to avoid all the other real things in life. There is SOOOOOO much more!!!!! OMG there is EVERYTHING more, but good sex will help. It can be the glue you go back to, but you can't run from the other stuff


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> No, it's the 50's that are the new young!


It is really *NEVER* too late, so long as you have breathe & some Viagra ! One lady on here "Threetimesalady", she is much older that we, and the way she goes on about sex is just "inspiring". 

I had NO idea who she was, but found this quote on a different forum before I ever discovered this place, It touched me so much I "saved it" in an email , copied it , putting it in about 3 of my books. Then caught some of her messages on here & suspected she was the Original writer, so I asked & she was amazingly!! She is in her 70's I believe --read her words :



> " Sex is desiring him every time you look at him. Needing him to fill that wonderful yearning deep inside you that needs filling & to die for.
> 
> Sex is having breasts that ached to be touched & loved & you can not live without it.
> 
> ...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It is really *NEVER* too late, so long as you have breathe & some Viagra ! One lady on here "Threetimesalady", she is much older that we, and the way she goes on about sex is just "inspiring".
> 
> I had NO idea who she was, but found this quote on a different forum before I ever discovered this place, It touched me so much I "saved it" in an email , copied it , putting it in about 3 of my books. Then caught some of her messages on here & suspected she was the Original writer, so I asked & she was amazingly!! She is in her 70's I believe --read her words :


Wonderful sex and feeling desired are the oil in a a relationship....the fuel is your love for your family....your car es your life.....it runs smoothly only when it has clean and good oil....if dirty and bad oil, it runs but not very well.....is important to take care of the oil because if not, it will end up burning your engine.....good luck to all of us in keeping our relationships exciting and full of love and desire...thanks SA for this quote, I sent it to my wife....


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