# Implications of Sole Custody



## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

My X and I divorced Summer of 2013. We have joint custody of our two boys 10 & 6. The boys spend exactly 50% time with each of us. When we divorced we specifically discussed international travel. Our agreement is clearly stipulated in the divorce agreement and decreed by the court. 

I recently had to take her back to court because she was in violation of the divorce agreement. I planned a trip with the boys and she was refusing to give her consent and she was emboldening the boys to object to going on the trip. Long story short, the court ruled that the boys could travel and we had a wonderful trip even by the boy's own admission. 

Days before the trip, despite the court order to allow the boys to travel and court order to have the mother's written consent of the trip to comply with airline requirements, she took the older boy and subjected him to a psychological evaluation at a local hospital. She was trying to get a Dr.'s order to stop the trip. 

The boy's law guardian felt she had gone off the deep end and at one point we had state troopers looking for her and the boys since she was not returning anyone's calls and we suspected she may be on the run to avoid the boys being taken on the trip. Eventually, after calls from the law guardian and state troopers she surfaced.

My attorney has suggested that I request sole custody of the boys on the grounds that my X is trying to alienate me from the boys and also alienate them from the religion we've observed and also agreed to in the divorce settlement. 

I welcome people's input on sole custody and its implications.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

While I understand your frustration, and agree that your ex wife was way out of line, not sure that going for sole custody is the way to solve the problem, at least not yet. It should only ever be a last resort, your children need both of you in their lives on a regular basis.

Has your ex wife pulled stuff like this before or was this a one time thing?


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Your boys are very young, and the divorce is very fresh for them. Taking them away from their mother completely doesn't sound like a great idea. It could cause them a LOT of resentment and anger directed at you. 
First off, if your boys aren't in any kind of counseling now, I would suggest you get them some. It seems from your post that you are probably financially able to provide that.
Second, sit down with your XW. Without the children present, somewhere public but where you can talk and keep it as calm as you can. Explain to her that the custody settlement established in the divorce decree are not negotiable whether she likes them or not. They were signed by a judge, in a court of law, and are not open to interpretation on her whim. Let her know, CALMLY, that her recent attitude and behaviors concerning your relationship with your children are concerning you. That you want to keep things peaceful and that you feel the best way to do that is to keep things amicable by following the already ordered custody arrangements. 

If she continues her erratic behavior, or something new comes to light during the boys' counseling, you have every right to shoot for sole custody. But she should still be allowed visitations. If you cut her out completely, it will most likely bite you in the rear! Depending on where you live, your oldest son will probably be able to appear in court in a few years and tell the judge directly who he wants to reside with full time and chances are, as a young man who obviously has a devoted father, he will choose you anyway. But don't FORCE that decision on him too early. 

Best of luck. I know how insane ex wives can get over custody, I've been one.


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## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

frusdil said:


> While I understand your frustration, and agree that your ex wife was way out of line, not sure that going for sole custody is the way to solve the problem, at least not yet. It should only ever be a last resort, your children need both of you in their lives on a regular basis.
> 
> Has your ex wife pulled stuff like this before or was this a one time thing?


She has not followed the agreement. We spent 11 months going through divorce, spent thousands of dollars each in legal fees because she would not comply with the process. She agreed to raise the boys in the religion we have known all along, now, she is trying to impose a new religion. Within 6 months of us breaking up, while going through the divorce process, she started dating and was bringing her new bf around the boys and he was sleeping over. I had to take her to small claims because part of our agreement stipulated she would pay me rent on a commercial property she was occupying and she refused to do it. 

In my opinion and likely in the law guardian's opinion and now the court's opinion, she is not a stand up individual.


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## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

My X has also requested sole custody of the boys. This is the second time she has done this. The first time was when she first filed for divorce and the second time was more recently after I served her with eviction papers from the commercial unit she was occupying. Weeks before, she learned that I left the boys alone for two hours while I ran 5 miles down the road to the grocery store and car rental place. She didn't do anything for 20 days, but when she was served with eviction papers, she walked into Family Court and requested sole custody. CPS has investigated the incident and has deemed it "unfounded". This is another reason why my attorney is suggesting that I file for sole custody.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Sole custody doesn't usually mean no visitation. I'm sure it depends on the country and/or state. I have sole custody - it's sole LEGAL custody. So I decide what school, what doctor/counselor, I make all decisions as they pertain to her care. I am supposed to consult her father but in the end, I'm the decision maker. I have PRIMARY physical custody, which means she lives with me and he has visitation. This is in lieu of 50/50 joint physical and/or legal custody. 

So is it safe to presume they would still have visitation with her but you would make decisions about the care of the children?


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Go for custody and if your ex straightens up her act, you can always allow her more parenting time. The key is that if you win, the extra parenting time will be at your discretion, not hers.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I agree with EnjoliWoman.
There is a difference between physical custody and legal custody. Seeking sole physical custody happens all the time for lots of reasons and obviously does not deprive the other parent of any parental rights. 
Seeking sole legal custody eliminates the need for consent from the other parent for things such a travel, religious upbringing, etc.
Both physical and legal custody include visitation by the other parent and the amount awarded is as flexible as you agree, or the court awards.


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