# Wife Want to Leave Me, But Says She Doesn't Want a Divorce



## chrisrz (Sep 15, 2013)

My wife and I have been married for eight years with two children, 6-years old and one 18-month old. Things have always been up and down with our relationship. I certainly wasn't the best husband but feel like I have come a long way. I could still do more around the house and have actively been trying to be more helpful. It would be fair to say that we both have our flaws. I'm pretty sure that's typical.

My wife told me three years ago that she wanted a divorce. I sensed something else was bothering her and continued pressing until I got the dreaded answer I suspected... she had three affairs: one long term and two very, very short term. I'm not sure why, but she decided right then and there that she wanted to work on fixing our marriage. I did, too, of course. She only wanted the divorce because it was an easy way out and she wouldn't have to admit to anything she had done. Yes, that's quite selfish.

We've spiced up our sex life over the past few years and, call me stupid because I am, I thought that an open marriage might make her happier. It did until I couldn't get a date for myself. She liked the idea of an open marriage because it gave each of us a new freedom.

She hooked up with one person two times while I unsuccessfully tried to get a date for myself. I then asked if we could hold off on the arrangement. She didn't like that, of course, and wasn't too happy about it but we had agreed from the very beginning that we would respect the wishes of the other if one of us wanted to stop. She did hook up with him one more time afterwards and made out with him at a bar another time. I also suspected something was going on between the two of them after that even though there really wasn't. She seriously damaged my trust in her after hooking up the third time. That was a few weeks ago.

I knew something was bothering her this morning before I left for work and coaxed her in to telling me. She's going to leave me but doesn't want a divorce. I asked about the kids and she said they can stay with whichever one of us they want to stay with. She said that she wants to find a place of her own, but also admits that neither of us can afford our house on our own. She says her mind is made up and even refuses marriage counseling.

She brings up the issues she has with me and then brings up how she's hurt me so many times. She also talks about how lopsided our marriage is: I give her way more affection than she gives me. It also turned out that there was another reason she liked the idea of an open marriage... She was hoping I would fall in love with someone else who would love me as much as I loved them and her wanting to leave would become a "mutual" agreement.

I just don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart but she seems unwilling to try anything.

I wrote her a nice letter today that starts out by acknowledging her statement that we've hurt each other a number of times. I went on to say that although we've each tried to be a "model spouse," we never actually tried at the same time. I told her than I don't want to concentrate on the ways we've hurt each other but rather try moving forward together if she'll only give me a chance.

One of her complaints is that I don't want to do things with her that she enjoys. It's not a true statement. Sure, I don't want to skydive but that doesn't mean she can't. There are lots of other things she likes to do that I want to do with her but don't always have the opportunity because we need to find a babysitter.

My letter goes on to describe the qualities she has that made me fall in love with her. I went on to say that I will continue to fight for her if given a ray of hope and that I will do ANYTHING it takes to save our marriage.

Have I done everything I can do? Is there anything else I can do or is my marriage pretty much over? One of my co-workers says that it sounds like she might not know what she really wants. I don't know what to think but I could certainly use some help. I certainly don't need to describe the emotional toll this has taken on me today.

Thank you,
Chris


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

After all that has gone on...and all that's you have allowed her to do and get away with...and all the cheating without your consent...and the doing what she wants...

you think 'now'...after all that time...and all this going on...she's just going to quit her 'galavanting ways' and come be exclusive with 'you?' Why? 

She's wanted 'out' of a 'normal' marriage long ago dude. She doesn't want normal...as a matter of fact I think she's far from capable of it. 

You need to get rid of her asap... and move on...'now'...be alone and work on recovering for awhile and not 'watch her' live this life style and iron out your thoughts and feelings...and 'own you'...and get yourself back on track...and become whole again and when ready find a 'real relationship' where things are mutual and wholesome...and pure and start over...

your situation is a mess...she's a mess...this is just my opinion and you will get several on here...but in my book...her life is all about what she sees in the mirror and what she carries between her legs and that's it....and it has nothing to do with what you want...and I think what you wanted didn't matter to her long ago man... 

Clean up your mess...clean slate style...because your not going to be able to 'fix this'...and she will hang onto you for her convienence as long as you let her....just like she has been... 
stop being her 'door matt yes man'... take back your life and live it the way you see proper...


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your wife is a classic cake eater. Life is too short to live this way. She doesn't love you. There is plenty of women who will appreciate you and love you the right way. Good luck.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Strange idea to suggest opening the marriage to a serial cheater.


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Strange idea to suggest opening the marriage to a serial cheater.


It wasn't his idea. That seed was planted for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hope you didn't give her the letter yet?

Chicks like confident men and you are just pushing her away, so I suggest you wish her the best with a smile and inform her that you will fill for divorce and will completely let her go.

See folks want what they can't have so what makes you think anything is going to change with this letter...hell she already knows you aren't going any were so she has no reason to change.

I understand you love her but now is the time to start faking and emotionally diconnect...
I think once she sees you moving on she just might start to second guess her choices.
Thats the thing....getting her to think twice in what she is about to lose by acting indifferent toward her.

Again your behaving so damn needy that she knows she can continue to use you as a doormat and you won't do a phucking thing except b1tch and complain. An theres a way to avoid that by leaving you with the kids so she doesn't to have to listen to you.

What I'm saying is action speak loader then words, so go see a lawyer have her served and once she pulls her head out of her butt you can always withdraw them.

Stop sharing your wife and give your kids a better example of a self respecting father who can be happy and have a healthy relationship with another female.

Its sad your kids have to be witness to seeing there mother come and go in all hours of the night.

Just let your wife go and it just might save your marriage.

What you have been doing for years is obviously not working so try my approach and fake until you make it.


----------

