# Torn



## Jiffy (Nov 1, 2012)

Me and my husband had a big blow out and in turn he went out with another woman. I am very torn as to what I should do. 

Here a little history about us. We secretly got married just after knowing each other 7 months. He was in a car accident just days shy of our 1yr anniversary and suffered a traumatic brain injury. Thats when everyone found out we were married. 

He was hospitalized 5 months... stood by his side every step of the way. (also was pregnant at the time of the accident) We went through so much during his recovery but its now been 3yrs since the accident and he is not the same person but still kind and nice and hold traits that attracted me to him in the first place. 

Recently I found out he was on the internet emailing other females about hooking up. I caught him doing this before and he swore he didn't do anything, he was just bored. He had also email an ex and told her she always had a place to go if she needed it.( we've had a blow up about her in the past). He did a couple of other things that was very disrespectful.

This is where I think I made bad decision.. he didn't know I knew all of this and I told him we were taking a break from our responsibilities to each other. I didn't have to cook for him, worry about household duties and so forth. I did this because I needed time to wrap my mind around the fact that he was going to do what he wanted to do, and in turn I didn't want to get hurt emotionally anymore, so if we took a break I could mentally prepare myself for him acting in this matter.

1 week goes by and I realize that wasn't the way to handle him doing what he did. So I went to him and basically said I was sorry and admitted my part in us not having the marriage we hoped for. His response was he didn't want to get back together and that I needed to change before he would jump back into 'our marriage' again.

The following week was tough on me. He didn't come home for 2 nights straight, didn't answer my phone calls, said he was going to meet some new female friends at a restuarant they worked at... but lied about it because I went to the place and he wasn't there. And when I called he ignored me.... he eventually called me back and started cussing at me and accussing me of things. Then the next day he started cursing at me in front of my son and said some more very mean and hurtful things.

The final straw was when I came home from work he was showing his mom a picture of a girl he went out with and I walked in on him showing her. That really pissed me off. Later he told me that he just wanted to have some fun because we werent at the time and that nothing happened and all they did was play pool, but he ended up taking to her to one of my favorite places to eat. He also picked her up in his car and drove her around town, but claims he can't take or pick up his son from school because he doesn't have gas.

As I write I feel like we both have been immature about so many things. The way I feel is that I deserve respect and he fails to realized it and continues to do things that are sooo wrong in my eyes. 

In the back of my head I know he has had a life changing injury... but he definitely knows better, and I don't think I can live my life blaming all of his disrespectful actions on his injury.

I've decided I want to move out with our 2 kids, but I don't have many options because my funds can't provide me a decient place to live. My family is way across the country. This has definitely been hard on me but want to do what's best for me and my kids, thats why I'm torn.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Your husbands brain injury has nothing to do with his his choices right now, I'm sure you're aware of that. IMO, the best thing for you is to go about your life with your children, he is showing you what he wants and doesn't want, you need to listen.


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

If it's difficult for you to move out for practical (financial) reasons perhaps you can come up with a creative solution to stay while you are exploring your options.
It sounds like you both have been acting a bit immaturely as a way to mask the hurt. Perfectly understandable and no point beating yourself up over it. It may be that you need some space if possible to assess your feelings and where you really want to go with the marriage.


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