# Emotionally Abusive Wife



## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Im really tired of my Abusive wife. Any small thing tjat doesnt go her way, she starts
1- verbally abusing me badly
2. Makes me feel insecure
3. Financially holding everything in her hands including OUR company which we started together.
I have 2 young kids, daughter 7 and son 9. They are holding me back from leaving and the financial side. I have no place to go should I leave or take kids with me.
Its like im living a miserable life. I no longer lover her, doing the sex just for the sake of it. Im so confused and honestly scared to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why do you allow her to do these things?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

You've been here for two years, Gooch78.

What have you tried so far?
IC for you?
IC for her?
MC for both of you?
Reading books recommended on TAM?
Anything?

You are loathe to break up your marriage because of your 9yo & 7yo, but apparently things have been bad since BEFORE they were 7yo and 5yo. Your strained/dead/abusive marriage is the ONLY thing they've ever seen!

What are your wife's specific concerns? Is there ANY validity to them?

Have you sat down with a paper/pencil and figured out HOW you COULD leave (with the kids)?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

With the kids is often a function of where the person lives. I live in a very conservative part of the country and after talking to a lawyer and with a couple friends it became clear that unless the mom is a certified straitjacket material, and even then oftentimes, she gets custody.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Consider these approaches. 

The first, is talking, trying to understand her, maybe she feels she is helping overwhelmed, looking for appreciation. 

The second is the opposite direction, start imposing consequences for her behavior. If she starts acting up and raises her voice, raise yours. Don't get pushed around, realize that you need to get the upper hand ) (by anything but physical force for women like that play the system and she's get you arrested, restraining order, etc). 
Leave when she acts irrationally. 

Thirdly, living and then working with someone is awfully hard. Can you separate business, either you or her leaves the business before leaving the marriage.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Today we had a big fight.. It started with her asking me to study with my son so she can Nap. She allows my daughter to go play down and doesnt my son. I told her he has been revising everyday and needs a break. My sob said rude things to his mother, she goes CRAZY, starts beating him, takes his new shoes throws them out the window. She breaks our New TV, then starts telling my son how Im a Looser and he will be a looser like me. 
That sums it up really. I was close to raisung my hand and kept my cool. I just wonder how long ill take her Abusive methods.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Shouldn't you listen to her and understand where she is coming from.

Are you doing things that trigger her anger. Or are there external issues that stress her. If it is the latter, can you help?

Typically, people get angry for a reason. I am not saying that verbal or emotional abuse is right. But just complaining about it and not searching for the root cause is not going to help.

You need to change the dynamic otherwise it will not improve. You can start being part of the solution instead of being part of the problem.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Gooch78 said:


> Today we had a big fight.. It started with her asking me to study with my son so she can Nap. She allows my daughter to go play down and doesnt my son. I told her he has been revising everyday and needs a break. My sob said rude things to his mother, she goes CRAZY, starts beating him, takes his new shoes throws them out the window. She breaks our New TV, then starts telling my son how Im a Looser and he will be a looser like me.
> That sums it up really. I was close to raisung my hand and kept my cool. I just wonder how long ill take her Abusive methods.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her behavior was inexcusable, but so was yours. Why didn't you stop her from beating your son? Why didn't you take the kids outside and away from her tantrum? Why didn't you take her into the bedroom and hash this out in private?

Have you ever asked her why she behaves this way and REALLY listened to her? 

When she starts threatening, money, company, etc., do you man up to her and tell her what for?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That's not your middle of the road upset parent - it reeks of grand mal personality disorder galore....

Document the event with a phone cam etc and point blank tell her it is change, therapy or divorce - that simple.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

That is her Character and nothing can be changed. I tried many times to talk to her, she cant control. Ofcoarse I stopped her from hitting my son, unfortunately he saw what happened, she doesnt care if my son is there or not, if she was telling him Im a looser and he will be like me. I took my son out and calmed him down after what happened.Once I feel financial secure, ill take my kids and move to another place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Gooch78 said:


> Once I feel financial secure, ill take my kids and move to another place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Waiting is never a good strategy.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

If I had the money to rent another place I would..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Next time she does something that is inexcusable, call the cops and have HER removed from the home. There is no reason why you and the kids should have to move.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Wait A LITTLE to collect some evidence via various ways - meanwhile consult legal aid about having all your necessary legal ducks in a row for custody, the business, etc. If you can come up with hard evidence of financial issues and stress even better.

Meanwhile keep a log of what is happening, even a couple weeks. 

The idea here is to dream team her once legally speaking and be done.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

You should document these incidents with pictures and other evidence. If you are physically threatened call the police. Under no circumstances, should you ever raise a hand to her. Dominant abusive women can quickly turn the tables in fights they create, check into a battered woman shelter, get a restraining order, put you in a dark jail, talk about how scared they are and how their husbands have an explosive temper and limit your right to see your children in a divorce proceeding.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> starts beating him


You let her hit YOUR SON?

What the hell, are you a man or a mouse?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> That is her Character and nothing can be changed.


Sure it can.

You can call the f'ing police on her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> If I had the money to rent another place I would..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are you doing to make that happen?

And a judge isn't going to allow you to keep them from her unless you have PROOF OF ABUSE.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

How is your relationship with her parents? If there is something there, try going there for help. Unless they are wackjobs themselves, they could be a positive force here.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

PBear said:


> So why do you allow her to do these things?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because we have a punitive system of laws that rewards bad behavior since it means more legal and court fees.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I hope you have purchased a VAR and keep it with you.

It is not great that your wife calls you a loser. 

Time to man up, get the VAR and see if she will leave.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Gooch78 said:


> My sob said rude things to his mother, she goes CRAZY, starts beating him, takes his new shoes throws them out the window.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How reprehensible of you for not preventing your son from being abused like that! Do you realise your kids NEED YOU TO PROTECT THEM from this weak and pathetic "mother". 

Revolting and disgusting that you do nothing and just standby while she destroys the health and well being of a young child like that.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Gooch78 said:


> Today we had a big fight.. It started with her asking me to study with my son so she can Nap. She allows my daughter to go play down and doesnt my son. I told her he has been revising everyday and needs a break. My sob said rude things to his mother, she goes CRAZY, starts beating him, takes his new shoes throws them out the window. She breaks our New TV, then starts telling my son how Im a Looser and he will be a looser like me.
> That sums it up really. I was close to raisung my hand and kept my cool. I just wonder how long ill take her Abusive methods.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



WOAH! 

At some point you would think something in your head would snap to get your children away from this disgusting, EVIL woman. Your children need TLC 24/7! 

Forget for a moment that you are hurting. ACT OUT OF LOVE FOR YOUR KIDS.

You are an adult. Call Dss, file a complaint, then file for custody of your children once that has been set and stone and take care of them. If you let this abuse happen, as I am sure this is not the first time it has. You do not deserve to be responsible for them either. 

This is EVIL. 

I am not sorry for anyone who does this to children, lets them live in this type of environment and has no intention of getting them out asap and letting enforcement know about.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Gooch78 said:


> I just wonder how long ill take her Abusive methods.


We are wondering the same thing, Gooch.

Time to pack up, move along. Get away from her. She's toxic.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

You are the one who is allowing this behavior. 

Stop being afraid of her. She senses your fear man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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