# Why Would Someone Deny An Affair?



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Why Would Someone Deny An Affair?

*" I sometimes hear from people who can’t understand why their spouse would insist on denying an affair that has already been found out. The faithful spouse will often see this as a blatant lie or a fragrant lack of respect. And, they just don’t understand what their spouse might hope to gain by looking like a liar by continuing to deny it."*

Wat do you all think? Do you agree with her reasoning? Her proposed solution?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Part of betraying is being a liar. So it follows the liar will continue to lie to some extent.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Lying about it is a kind of 'solution'. It prevents further confrontation and having to give explanations. If prevents feeling more pain and shame.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

It is an exercise in power - perverted power at all costs.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I read the article. She does not have proof of an affair.

Is an affair taking place? Undoubtedly.

But, as we all know, they will only admit what you can prove. So of course he's going to lie about it, as she can't actually prove he's having an affair.

Also, she needs to look up what the word 'fragrant' means.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

They can't believe what they did. So they lie to you and also to themselves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Lies are probably told for several reasons. The lie protects the "special secret" the affair represents. It also enables the wayward spouse an attempt to save face 

Lying also prevents the wayward from having to take full responsibility for their actions 

I'm sure there are more reasons as well. But most would have to do with self preservation being valued higher than integrity
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

As I played the VAR to my wife she stood there, laughed and said that it was "only music". I said, 'No, that is you moaning having sex". The evidence was right there. No wiggle room. She kept it up for about an hour, saying things like, "Do, I need to commit you, do I need to take you to a hospital?" It took many weeks for her to finally confess to me. 

Getting caught red handed is perhaps the best scenerio in being able to twart the deluded thinking of a WS. In my case my wife had no plans if caught. The XOM made it clear he was not leaving his family, that is why after D-day she started looking for other men and even went out on a date with a theologian that I went to school with back in the 80's. 

Lying in my wife's case was simply self preservation and defensive. She also did not want to admit to herself what a horrible person she was. It took a lot of effort on her part to break through that barrier of her own self image. She had a very difficult time of facing herself and just how wicked she was. Of course she had convinced some of her family members and friends that I was the horrible person and she was the abused woman. Once she faced that, she was able to confess and repent.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I think the article is a bit off at the end, some people will lie or deny forever and I mean forever. They will trickle truth and admit only what cannot be justified. There's are also more reasons to deny such as the fear of loss of respect, or fear of consequences, or simply because they are selfish and know that of they tell you the whole truth it's a deal breaker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

Because they don't want to look in the mirror and admit that they are the kind of person that would have an affair. Most take no responsibility for their actions. They place blame on their spouse, their sucky life, etc. Everywhere but on themselves.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

2yearsago said:


> Because they don't want to look in the mirror and admit that they are the kind of person that would have an affair. Most take no responsibility for their actions. They place blame on their spouse, their sucky life, etc. Everywhere but on themselves.


Yes unfortunately many WS will not do the heavy lifting to save the marriage...


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I lol'd at the advice... Oh yes, reason works well with a foggy wayward. 

Nope, the advice should be... start digging. Go deep, look at everything and leave no stone unturned. Phone records, finances, and office timesheets. Throw it in a mound in front of them and say: "Explain all this. It's a lot. I've taken the liberty of packing you a suitcase and calling your parents to let them know you need a place to stay while you look over and digest all this. You will leave your cellphone here as you don't need that distraction. You will leave now. When you are ready, we can have a real talk that goes over it, line by line, piece by piece and lets me feel that nothing was withheld or downplayed. Until then, tell your Mother I said hello. If you can't, then I will allow myself to believe whatever it is I think this stack really represents and do what I think is in my own best interest."​


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Racer said:


> I lol'd at the advice... Oh yes, reason works well with a foggy wayward.
> 
> Nope, the advice should be... start digging. Go deep, look at everything and leave no stone unturned. Phone records, finances, and office timesheets. Throw it in a mound in front of them and say: "Explain all this. It's a lot. I've taken the liberty of packing you a suitcase and calling your parents to let them know you need a place to stay while you look over and digest all this. You will leave your cellphone here as you don't need that distraction. You will leave now. When you are ready, we can have a real talk that goes over it, line by line, piece by piece and lets me feel that nothing was withheld or downplayed. Until then, tell your Mother I said hello. If you can't, then I will allow myself to believe whatever it is I think this stack really represents and do what I think is in my own best interest."​


I believe the author of the article is a BS herself....however her advice does not seem applicable in all cases


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

2yearsago said:


> Because they don't want to look in the mirror and admit that they are the kind of person that would have an affair. Most take no responsibility for their actions. They place blame on their spouse, their sucky life, etc. Everywhere but on themselves.



Bingo! Heard "I would never do something like that" "I don't remember" She can't fathom that she has no moral values and I hope when she looks in the mirror she wants to puke.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

I stood behind my husband last week late one night as he read a nasty email from his OW. She also followed up with porn vids of herself. When I finally said something to him, he jumped sky high, closed the email and wanted to know how much I read - ALL of it LIAR! He of course proceeded to blame me and said he did not get that at home - WTH? He still sat there and lied even after I read it. It was basically a recap in very plain detail of their last sexual encounter. He tired to laugh it off as me being crazy or whatever. I of course went off like a raving lunatic. He still lies as early as last night. I just don't get it.

He is talking about our future plans all the while planning a future with her. Actually she is planning, he is just agreeing.


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## Alyosha (Feb 27, 2012)

Alyosha said:


> "Do, I need to commit you, do I need to take you to a hospital?" It took many weeks for her to finally confess to me.


I faced the same BS. It's not just an astonishingly audacious denial of objective reality, no... they go a step further and attempt to manipulate you .... to cheat you out of your own ability to participate in reality.

Odious, disgusting, treacherous .... let's just call it what it is -- EVIL.


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