# I need Advice



## Lura (May 17, 2012)

I got married when I was 20yrs old. It was arranged marriage. I did not know him. Arranged marriage is the norm where I came from. I think my husband is cheating on me. I found a dating web site where he is a memeber but he has not have any activity. His cell has password and I am not allowed to touch his cell. I still managed to get his password and read some text, they are not love text but suspecious ones. He delete his texts and phon numbers. I tried to talked to him many times but he starts fighting and does not answer my questions. I am so lost that do not know what to do. I know he does not want to leave me but i think he is having fun outside. He doesnt want me to work or go to his work place. He lies all the time and I cannot trust him. Life is so hard. I am considering divorce but in my culture divorce is considered a crime. He is so bossy.

Please some advice


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Lura, where are you living now?
And if you divorced, would you stay in your current residence, or would you return to your native country?

It's hard to advise you, because I find a lot of the cultural norms that you are describing really negative for women. I don't want to criticize your culture, but it sounds like one in which men have affairs with impunity and women are expected to look the other way and shut up. I guess you need to decide if that's the way that you want to live, or not.

If not, and if you're in the US or the UK, you may have more options than you realize, but only you can make that decision. I do feel bad for you, and I wish you well.


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## Lura (May 17, 2012)

Thanks for your advice. I live in US. What you said about my culture is absoluately right. All marriages are arranged and you marry people that you never saw them before. I think men in my culture take advantage of these facts, even the ones who grew up in the US. We have a 7yrs old kid together and I do not know if I divorce how he will take it plus I do not know for sure if he is cheating or not. But there are so many things that are pointing to the fact that he is cheating.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Lura, I would recommend that you see a lawyer quietly to know what your options are -- my main concern is that your legal status in the US may be tied to your husband. You need to know that before you know what your options are. If you have legal status here even if you leave him, then I recommend some counseling with a person who is savvy about other cultures so that you can devise a strategy to present to him -- basically, a "straighten up and fly right or I'm leaving you now" kind of thing. Also, keep in mind that it is quite rare in the US for a father to get custody; the general bias is for the mother, so don't let him bully you into thinking that he can take your child and you won't be able to stop him. Again, this is why I recommend speaking with a lawyer beforehand so you know exactly what your rights are, and what you will risk if you confront him.

You deserve better. Your child deserves better.


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