# Too little too late????



## Oddity (Jul 18, 2013)

I don’t really know where to begin here. Just feels good to put something down in writing. 

To do a quick re-cap, come this July we will have been married for 4 years. We have two daughters ages 2 & 4. She is definitely the more “alpha” type and I being the more “beta” type. There isn’t any financial stress’s and we own the home of our dreams. 

Essentially my understanding is she is frustrated with my lack of intimacy as well as “engaging” in conversations. Her background is comes from a large family that like to talk about everything. My background is an only child with relatively quiet meals.

I did some posting about a year ago with me being the LD husband along with some other issues. Things got better and well now we are back to square one, this time with her mentioning the “D” word. Now I’ve gone to the doctor and had my “T” levels checked which were on the very low end of normal. I tried patches to no avail and then he had me get an MRI to check my pituitary gland. That recently just came back normal. So my going “soft” would probably have to do with performance anxiety (which until this recent bout I thought I had under control). The whole, don’t go soft or your losing your family is a very tough one to overcome. As for my LD well I’m getting blood tests done again and this time instead of ****ing around I’m asking for some testosterone shots. She just wants a good **** and god damn I want to be able to give it to her.

Needless to say I got some work to do on this end. It’s a strange battle make and effort and go soft or don’t make and effort and piss off wife.

Anyway, this isn’t the be all and end all of it; apparently it was just the final nail in the coffin as she says. I don’t argue much and in our whole relationship have really only put up a fight about one item. I hate it when she’s pissed and routinely back down from engagement. 

As far as house chores go, she does most of them (cooking and cleaning). I’ll help but more often than not she tells me I’ll do them wrong/incorrectly so it’s better for her to do them. I’m also not as quick as her. As for the kids, I’d say we are pretty even. Again she being more efficient than me, but we both bathe them, read to them, feed them, change them, put them to bed, play with them etc…..

She gets really stressed with her job as well. Hate’s it even but won’t quit because the benefits that it provides are good for the kids. Essentially because she is so efficient/quick she keeps on getting moved around to start a new program then they bring in someone else to use her work and make her start from scratch. This seems to have been going on for three years. None the less she is quite depressed about this. When she gets depressed/anxious she eats, when I get depressed/anxious I avoid eating all together. This doesn’t help either.

I’ve contacted a counsellor to talk about myself and hopefully maybe put some of my anxieties / nervous tendencies to bed and to become a more confident person as a whole. Also talked to a marriage counsellor but don’t think we can go that route until we do our individual ones. She went to a therapist the other day because of depression. They essentially told her to get her depression and anxiety in check before making such a big decision as “Divorce”. That kind of pissed her off as it was seen as again, someone taking my side. She HATES how everyone seems to take my side and how she always seems to be labeled as the big bad wife. Heck even when we were dating and she dumped me for a brief period her family phoned me and not her to ask if I was ok. 

If I was to look at my ideal it would be:

Myself: get more confident about myself, get rid of my nervous/anxious tendencies. If I can get those items under control I figure the LD/intimate part can be repaired and I’ll have a bit more backbone to stand up and say something I normally wouldn’t.

Her: Stop being so angry all the time. Some examples are: The way I push a grocery cart, the way I make beds (pillows aren’t in the correct place), how slow I am at tasks (to be fair to me I find most people would have a hard time keeping up with my wife) etc.…

Look my wife has one of the biggest hearts I know and will bend over backwards to help those that she cares about. She is also one of those “super” moms where people wonder how she’s able to do so much. I still love my wife but I fear she has checked out emotionally. Especially when she tells me that sometimes just looking at me wants to make her scream!! I know I’ve got work to do on myself but I just hope it’s not too little, too late.

Thanks for taking the time to read...


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Oddity said:


> As for my LD well I’m getting blood tests done again and this time instead of ****ing around I’m asking for some testosterone shots. She just wants a good **** and god damn I want to be able to give it to her.
> 
> 
> Her: Stop being so angry all the time. Some examples are: The way I push a grocery cart, the way I make beds (pillows aren’t in the correct place), how slow I am at tasks (to be fair to me I find most people would have a hard time keeping up with my wife) etc.…


For the sex part, ever try Viagra? Toys (for her)? Go down on her? 

Maybe she nitpicks you because she wants you to stand up for yourself? Not actually about how you do things. Next time she *****es about how you push a cart tell HER to push the f_cking thing.


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## Oddity (Jul 18, 2013)

Yes tried all that, love going down but that’s not what she wants. As for Viagra tried and yes it worked however she wants me to be ready to go just by looking at her (no stimulation). I used to be able to do this but not so much anymore. As for toys, have them and used them a few times. Not what she’s looking for though. 

Thnx for the reply


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She's angry because you disappoint her so much. I'm in the same boat as her. If you can't improve your self esteem and learn to be ok taking chances and be more alpha, you won't stay married long. Sorry, but women - especially strong women - need strong men.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Omar is right, you have to learn how to stand up for yourself. As is, you remind me of those commercials where the wife *****es about her son doing dangerous things like the motorcycle while the husband just sits there beside her not saying a word because he's been whupped so bad he's given up.

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? That's a good place to start.


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## Oddity (Jul 18, 2013)

Perfect, thats kind of what I'm planning on working on. "Grow some balls" so to speak. I start going to see someone to talk to this friday and have also ordered some books to read:

"The Married Man Sex Life Primer"

"The Mindful Attraction Plan: Your Practical Roadmap to Creating the Life, Love and Success You Want"

"No More Mr Nice Guy" 

Also getting my "T" shots starting next week. Hopefully with all this and my wife going to see/talk so someone about her depression we will be on our way..... Once all that gets done, then maybe we can see a marriage counsellor (if need be, actually may be beneficial either way)

Wishful thinking anyway, 

thanks again


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Oddity said:


> Perfect, thats kind of what I'm planning on working on. "Grow some balls" so to speak. I start going to see someone to talk to this friday and have also ordered some books to read:
> 
> "The Married Man Sex Life Primer"
> 
> ...


Its great that you are acknowledging the problem and taking steps to rectify it. 

But..Why don't you start TODAY. Don't plan on working on it, just do it. Nothing drastic, take small steps. I don't know, maybe try speaking a little louder, or go TELL your wife something (don't ask). For example, tell her you are getting a sitter and taking her to dinner at some new place you heard about. 

Anything man, just do it NOW.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I like to tell people to do just one thing a day that changes your dynamics. No matter how small. These little things really do add up to change your view, self worth, beliefs, attitude. Just knowing that you can do the tiny things and nothing blows up is huge.

Like, if she wants you to come in and clean the kitchen while you're out washing your car, instead of dropping what you're doing to make her happy, try saying 'I'm busy, babe, but I'll be in when I'm done.' 

Tiny, but huge!


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Consider switching to Cialis. It works within 15 minutes and lasts for up to 12 hours. Some say they have effects up to 36 hours later.

Let's hope she is as accomodating when she has lubrication or arousal issues later in life.

Head up, you are a good man for wanting to give your wife pleasure.
Stretch


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