# Separated but now dating



## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to get something off my chest...Ive been separated now for about 5 months...my wife has filed for divorce but has not moved it forward...Last time we talked she said..I dont love you anymore and you deserve someone that does....I was Hurt and angry...so I took her for her word and I started Dating...I know I am technically still married so I just feel uber confused...I guess Im asking anyone is or been in a similar boat. Did you date while separated knowing your marriage is over.....I know a part of me is dating because I guess im kind of using it to hopefully help me get over my STBXW. Any advice?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You asked, so
Please don't use another person to get over your marriage. I'm concerned you are not ready to date. You really have to get over the grief of ending the marriage, and the emotional crap of going through a separation and divorce. If that means being by yourself for awhile, so be it.


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> You asked, so
> Please don't use another person to get over your marriage. I'm concerned you are not ready to date. You really have to get over the grief of ending the marriage, and the emotional crap of going through a separation and divorce. If that means being by yourself for awhile, so be it.


Thanks I appreciate that...I guess a part of me is wanting revenge..because I know she is dating and had an affair that is why she wanted out. I know 2 wrongs dont make a right...but I am having a blast meeting and dating these women. But I know you are right.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you'll most likely just have rebound type of relationships at this point anyways

but to me if the D is on the way and it is evident it is over on both sides then dating while in the process isn't cheating

just don't get serious about it and be honest with the women you meet


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

Chances are you're not ready for another relationship so soon. Finding yourself again can mean going out and enjoying life. Dating might be ok (depending on if you're honest with yourself and the other person) but getting into a relationship is not a good idea at this point.


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Just to be clear..I am not having sex with any of these women...just enjoying their company..and getting an ego boost that my wife decided to destroy. LOL!


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

I feel that once divorce is filed, you have the green light. 

I went out with a couple ladies during my divorce (which will be final in less than two weeks, yay!). Found one I really connected with. We've been dating for 3 months now and are exclusive. We've had our ups and downs like all relationships do, but we're both coming out of unsatisfying LONG term relationships so we're taking it easy. 

I try to shy away from telling people what is and isn't right as each situation is unique and different. I'm falling for this woman (and she for me too) and we both know it and openly talk about it, but we are also using our heads and not rushing anything. 

I guess my point is do what makes you feel good, but looking before you leap is a food rule of thumb. There is no need to feel guilty about enjoying the company of a pretty lady (or ladies!). 

Hope this helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Fightingtilltheend said:


> Just to be clear..I am not having sex with any of these women...just enjoying their company..and *getting an ego boost that my wife decided to destroy*. LOL!


Your wife did nothing you didn't allow her to do at one time.

A continued thought pattern such as this will leave you with nothing but bitterness and resentment once the novelty of rebound dating wears off.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

i also was separated for about 4 mos when i met somebody, i'm not much for shopping around lol, we had an instant chemistry that started from going slow to a rocket ship, we were together just over a month, i was making love to her on my wedding anniversary & that really destroyed me. broke up with her 2 days later because i knew i wasn't ready, she was an incredible woman that treated me incredible. i feel bad because i knew our feelings for each other was intense, morale is be carefull, only you'll know when your ready & be careful doing it out of spite


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Thank you all of you make total sense...I guess when it comes down to it.. I havent really been myself...and I to am in a fog...per say but the other way around...the one in shock about my marriage being over...the hurt the pain and the betrayal. Doing some stuff to spite her and trying to find ways to move on..I guess im trying everything at this point.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> i met somebody...we had an instant chemistry that started from going slow


did i miss the "slow" part between meeting her at the concert and making out with her at the concert?


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## David1967 (Jun 20, 2016)

Pluto2 said:


> You asked, so
> Please don't use another person to get over your marriage. I'm concerned you are not ready to date. You really have to get over the grief of ending the marriage, and the emotional crap of going through a separation and divorce. If that means being by yourself for awhile, so be it.


I went looking for someone else while my wife(now thank God Ex Wife)and i were split for two years and dated a few times. I lived in a loveless marriage for five years and was happy when my cheating with a fellow employee wife told me to get the hell out. I lived in my wife's home and it didn't hurt me at all when she told me to get out. My Ex has married that guy she was having the affair with and i'm still looking0


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

best revenge is to live well and be happy !!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You haven't healed from the pain of your marriage problems, so I think it's too soon to be dating. And the reason for that, is that the women you're dating might be in a very different place than you, and might catch feelings, when you're not ready to take things further. I agree with the poster who said to not use women to get over your ex wife. You have to find a new strength inside of yourself that's been lacking, due to the pain and strain that's existed in your marriage, and not rely on women to validate you. Prayers that things get better.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> You haven't healed from the pain of your marriage problems, so I think it's too soon to be dating. And the reason for that, is that the women you're dating might be in a very different place than you, and might catch feelings, when you're not ready to take things further. I agree with the poster who said to not use women to get over your ex wife. You have to find a new strength inside of yourself that's been lacking, due to the pain and strain that's existed in your marriage, and not rely on women to validate you. Prayers that things get better.



Sigh....

Folks, check out the date of the thread. The OP hasn't been on TAM in nearly 4 years.

It always amazes me when someone digs up these long dead zombies.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Absurdist said:


> Sigh....
> 
> Folks, check out the date of the thread. The OP hasn't been on TAM in nearly 4 years.
> 
> It always amazes me when someone digs up these long dead zombies.


lol omg :laugh:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Uggh. Wasted 5 minutes reading this on my iphone.


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