# Wife thinks I'm cheating



## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

I'm an oil worker 99 percent of the time(unlike most in this profession) im able to go home after work. My wife loves the life style we live but hates I have to work long hours, sometimes on call im one of two that can do what i do on the east side of the Rockies. That part of my job came to a stand still and haven't been on call since june. I do come home for my lunches and right after work. We have an18 month old son together and she has a a 3 y/o daughter that im raising as my own because her daughters real dad isn't a man and ran and has never seen his daughter, and one on the way. We got married in Jan of 2015, since then I've been accused of cheating numerous times. Recently, my buddy and his wife moved to the next city up he needed help moving a couple things because his wife is pretty much going to have their kid at any time and can't lift anything, so I let my wife know I was going to help him for a couple hours and come home, I came home she was f'n pissed, accused me of cheating and left with the kids to her dad's the day after when I was at work. She doesn't have the best family (I think their nuts), i think she does whatever her dad tells her to do and that's a problem in our marriage; im letting her be the stay at home mom she always wanted to be. I'm at the point I don't know what to do and we're about to get a divorce, I've never cheated on her and won't, but as much as she had accused me I think she has on me. My work pays for marriage counseling I contacted them and got a list of numbers but she doesn't seem to want to do it. I miss her and the kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So she has not come home?

You say that you are about to get divorce. Does that mean that she has filed for divorce?

Has she said why she thinks you are cheating? Does she have anything that she thinks is evidence?

Will she talk to you at all now?


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## IDsrvBetr (Jul 29, 2015)

Not suggesting anything, just giving you some insight into personal experience. My stbxww actually hired PI's to follow me while out of town. Her excuse to everyone was that she suspected me of cheating (even though four of our children work with me and are with me pretty much all the time). A few months later I discover the affair she had been carrying on. 

In our 12+ years together I never once thought of another woman and never gave her any justifiable reason to suspect anything.

Just my experience. Take it for what it's worth


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Did all of this happen after ONE incident of you going out to help your buddy move? 
Were you only gone for a few hours? 
How late did you come home??
What were the other times she accused you of cheating and what reasons did she give to accuse you of cheating?

It seems awfully strange that she thinks you're cheating if she knows you work long hours and also leaving for a few hours to help you buddy move.

Also, when you say you haven't been on call since June, but you're coming home for lunches...what are you out doing?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Are you sure when she took the kids to her dad's she stayed with the kids?

Maybe she went out and used her dad as a babysitter?

Maybe she is projecting?


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## IDsrvBetr (Jul 29, 2015)

the guy said:


> Are you sure when she took the kids to her dad's she stayed with the kids?
> 
> Maybe she went out and used her dad as a babysitter?
> 
> Maybe she is projecting?


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Oh ya go get your kids.

You have every right as she does to have those kids.

Get them back home!


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

We haven't filed she needs time to think about our relationship. She's so mad because when I was heeling out my buddy she thought I was cheating, so she won't let me see the kids, I pto yesterday off because Thursday was hard enough for me to go to work, so I actually have a four day weekend for once, and can't spend it with any of them. I have been wondering if she has been popping pills Recently. She has a script for them due to a car accident when she got hit., wondering if she's taking it to the extreme, her mom has a bad pill problem and isn't in our lives. But no she has no reason to think I'm cheating, she sees my pay stubs and my hours. She had said she has been cheated on in the past. There was one time when I finally got fed up of her accusing me of it and I was like well if you think I am maybe I should im tired of getting accused all the time.


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

I got off at work at 5 came home at 730pm, 2 and a half hours. He abs good wife were both there. The only other time I could think that might make her think this is when I was on call and got a call at 2am to go on a rig, but she sure did like the pay checks.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi, The picture you paint does not make sense. This is best I can come with:

2015 you get married. 
2014 (early) she gets pregnant with your child and he is born late 2014.
2012 the two of you meet she is a new mother with a toddler.
2011 she gets pregnant with a guy who splits. D is born 2012,

So in the space of four years she has two sexual relationships and two kids.
She has a "nutty" family, and does what daddy tells her.
Her only stated issue is the belief you are cheating which based on the info you gave is absurd.

Please clarify and provide more info.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I bet if you went to her dad's she won't be there and you have every right to take those kids home.

After all the cops can't do shyt ....she will be gone and you can take the kids back home.

I could be wrong and she could be home, but at the very least you can show up to see your kids. As long as you keep your shyt together and remain calm the cops can't do a thing put ask you to leave.

At the very least drive by and see if her car is there.

Hell you can maybe sit down and talk to her dad and show him the scripts she is on.

I bet she won't be there and you can get the kids back into their own bed!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you have not cheated, then I'm not sure what else you can do but stick by the fact that you have not cheated. And to tell her that you want her and the kids back. and you both need to go to marriage counseling.

How does she intend to support herself and 3 children? Is she going to be living with her father? Is this his plan in his part of getting her to move out to his place?

At this point, after you tell her the above, if she will not respond then you need file so that you can protect your rights to your own children. She has no right to keep you from your child.

Even after filing for custody issues, a divorce can be stopped up to the point when the judge signs the papers. and even then there is remarriage. But you really need to protect your rights.


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

John a, welcome to my life she had a daughter in august 2012. 2013 we get together she gets pregnant my son is born Jan 2014. Wet broke up a couple months before that we reconciled our differences dated got married. Right after we get married I got informed I have to go to Texas for work, my buddies there wanted me to go to a booby bar and she doesn't know that they wanted me to go but I declined went back to the hotel room and called her . I have been to a strip club one time I was 18 now in 29, yes nothing is making sense.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

While I was posting your second post hit. My original ooints and questions still hold, but will add:

She needs time to think ?!?!? NO YOU NEEF TIME TO THINK. IF YOU WANT HER!!!

She has kidnaped your son. Call the police and seek advise. 

You married her wthout really knowing her. You only know what you want to know and what she has told you,

You do not know what she is capable off.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The thing that I don't get is some betrayed spouse if not most, beg and try to compete for their way ward spouse to stay with them....not just bail and run out.

Granted it is odd to take the kids but who knows.......I would at least verify were the hell my kids went.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

especially if their mom was popping pills!


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

Ya i have thought about calling the cops to see if I can find out if it's kid napping not to mention I didn't know about the first one it was when we were broken up, but in July 2014 she got a shop lifting charge, the in march she almost got a harrasment charge for calling someone a *****, then in may she got another shop lifting charge she's on probation for now when told me that right after it happened I was like deal with it I got you out of the last charge. I don't like liars or thieves, i work hard for what I have


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Shoplifting? What's that about? 

What did she shoplift?


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

And she tells me all the kids know is her and they play together and she won't let them be without each other, so I told her both can stay she said no because all they know is her a


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi CJ, welcome to TAM. 

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you are in the right place. Lots of pain shared. Many of the posters are "very sadder and very wiser". Listen and learn. Right now your best outcome is only sadder, do not be very sadder.

Your job sounds complex. You need to take a lot of info, break it down, determine the problem, devise solutions, implement solutions, review results, if necessary repeat cycle.

Well you have a new job CJ, it is your marriage, your son, your daughter, your wife. In that order.


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

I guess when we weren't together a year ago last July she tried to shop lift clothes, then in April or may right after I got her harrasment charge dropped to rude conduct, she had 500 dollars I gave her told her to get stuff for the house, I get home from work she shows me a ticket for shop lifting a 150 dollars worth of ****, i told her you can pay this one.


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

So right now is me and my dog that had always been there, before her. Now she wants to get rid of my dog that just wants attention abs never hurt anyone


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> She has kidnaped your son. Call the police and seek advise.


Don't bother, go get a lawyer and go to court to get visitation right now. Cops will most likely dismiss your call. They did with me.


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

My friends that have met her tell me im better off without her they can't stand her


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

CJ, wow the posts are pipping. 

I have only been a member since July. In that time I've been impressed by the strength and wisdom of several posters. I have seen two of them here on this thread.

Elegirl is a moderator, she is thoughtful and soft spoken. Her advise is general a most follow so answer any questions she asks. 

The Guy has a quick eye for the underside of human behavior. More then once I have thought, dang he called it. He suggests to check something out, do it. If not sure how to, post hoe? You will be amazed at how capable a lot of folks here are.

Click on their names, it will take them to their individual paged. I think elegirl has over 5,000 posts.

Finally read acoa's thread. Wow how he got threw it I will never know. He is truly very very wiser and a role model.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

There's a lot of negative things coming out in your posts about your wife. Friends can't stand her,maybe pill popping,shoplifting,wants to get rid of your dog etc. You want to be with her for what reasons,other than kids. She must have some redeeming qualities in your eyes.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Get rid if the dog??? Oh hell no dear. Right now it's kids first, dog second, me third, and you fourth. There is the door, deal with it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think you are jumping the gun, she is pregnant, right? (You said one was on the way?).

Women are often insecure in this phase of life with all the hormones raging through their body and this is compounded by the fact she is alone alot of the time when you are working. it is highly unlikely that she would cheat when she is pregnant. I think she feels you are not spending enough time with her. Women like to be pampered and cared for (all the time!) more so when they are pregnant. 
When you are off from work you head off and spend alot of time helping your buddy, leaving her alone ....again. i think it is time to refocus your time and energy on your wife. See how that changes things. All too often men are thoughtless in this respect. Have you thought what is must be like for her home alone without her husband for long periods of time with very young children. This is why she runs to her fathers.

Talk to her, show her your concern, and forget about spending so much time with friends, etc.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And were are your kids tonight?



I'm guessing stuff their pockets as they walk through Walmart with their mom.


Seriously.....do you even know exactly were your kids are sleeping tonight?


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

Honestly I love my kids, I love her too but as supposedly newly weds we make love once maybe twice a month, im wondering what's going on on the side. Newly weds in my opinion should be doing it alot all the time I would love us to work out I just don't know what to do I feel my hands are tied. Her telling me she wants to get rid of my dog on my lunch the day she leaves with the kids, tell anyone something??? I have had my dog for a long time most loving and disiplined dog you will meet.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

TBR, please explain to CJ why you ask.

CJ, if you click on his name you will see he also has over 5,000 posts. I don't recall any of his posts, but he has some impressive friends, the reason I keep mentioning backgrounds is two fold! You are in very deep and need to fully understand it and get sound advise which you have the courage to follow.

How am I doing?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW calling the cops won't help...your old lady has every right to have the kids as you do...

But if mommy doesn't have the kids *tonight* you have every right to go over to who ever is watching them and take them home!

Time to get a lawyer cus sure as shyt...when your old lady sobers up she is going to want them back so she can dumb them off on who ever will watch them so she can be single again.

When was the last time you talked to the kids?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> And were are your kids tonight?
> 
> 
> 
> I'm guessing stuff their pockets as they walk through Walmart with their mom.


Unfortunately Wal-Mart has cameras all over the place. They would capture him putting the things in the kid's pockets.. so it would not work out very well. 




the guy said:


> Seriously.....do you even know exactly were your kids are sleeping tonight?


This is my concern. Can it really be trusted that the children are with their mother at her father's house?


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

Honestly aine, i come every lunch break im in town which is basically everyone right now, and I go home 99 percent everyday after work, the kids know my schedule and wait by the door. I very rarely go out like once every three months


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Cj100898 said:


> Honestly aine, i come every lunch break im in town which is basically everyone right now, and I go home 99 percent everyday after work, the kids know my schedule and wait by the door. I very rarely go out like once every three months


I was just phucking around about the walmart comment....but really were are your kids tonight!


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

Kind of funny walmart was one of the places she got caught stealing from especially funny with the money I bring in


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

CJ,

is your wife currently pregnant? If so, I missed that. It can matter a great deal. Though it does not change any of the issues that have come out, nor the ones that have not. Nice catch aine.


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## Cj100898 (Sep 6, 2015)

Yes, wondering if it is mine


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

JohnA said:


> *TBR*, please explain to CJ why you ask.
> 
> CJ, if you click on his name you will see he also has over 5,000 posts. I don't recall any of his posts, but he has some impressive friends, the reason I keep mentioning backgrounds is two fold! You are in very deep and need to fully understand it and get sound advise which you have the courage to follow.
> 
> How am I doing?


I think you may be referring to me JohnA. The reason I ask is because the wife is being painted a certain way to the posters here. This is a newly married man,so he still must have some of her positive attributes clear in his mind. This thread is in General,so it would be nice to see a clearer picture of his wife in a broader sense,before everyone just assumes the worst of her.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

TBT, 

Yes I was referring to you. I asked because I think your question raised a serious point and wanted to draw CJ's attention to it. I had hoped he would ask you the question, by pointing out the depth od your experience. I to began to sense a drift in the conversation which your question raised. 

CJ: So currently we know some of her background, none of your's. Myself and perhaps others missed the fact she is pregnant. Now you mention it might not be your's. Why ? Did her ex reappear? Man, their are hundreds of horror stories here about ex's. Are you thinking you might be just an ATM ? A pain in the .... one at that ? Revisit and frame your answer in light of TBT's insight. Not saying your wrong, just covet your bases, think of this wittness prep for the road ahead. 

Finally how old is your wife? With her family history. Relationship history it matters. 

However, there is never an excuse or reason for Adultery. If the child is not your's, DNA test the boy, if your's demand full custody and run like hell.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

TBT said:


> This thread is in General,so it would be nice to see a clearer picture of his wife in a broader sense,before everyone just assumes the worst of her.


I have nothing against pill popping shop lifters with a record......I just wonder if OP knows were his own kids are sleeping to night.

All's I'm saying is OP painted the picture of his old lady and going off that I would be scared shytless about my kids!

And yet his old lady took off, with the kids and refuses his right to see them.

OP has given us some historical data, but yet reveals the current situation on were his family is tonight.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JohnA said:


> However, there is never an excuse or reason for Adultery. If the child is not your's, DNA test the boy, if your's demand full custody and run like hell.


It's very unlikely that CJ can get full custody. 50/50 is the most likely outcome.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> It's very unlikely that CJ can get full custody. 50/50 is the most likely outcome.


From were I'm sitting....right now custody is 0/100....time to get a lawyer.

I still think that most betrayed would kick the wayward out, but in this case the so called betrayed left....make me think it was just an excuse to bail on the family unit....taking the kids...who knows, maybe to cover her tracks?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

the guy said:


> I have nothing against pill popping shop lifters with a record......I just wonder if OP knows were his own kids are sleeping to night.
> 
> All's I'm saying is OP painted the picture of his old lady and going off that I would be scared shytless about my kids!
> 
> ...


Oh,I agree 100% about his kids. All I'm saying for example is that you,and even I,may have nothing against pill poppers,but how far along till it becomes a truth about the wife even though the OP himself said he was only wondering basically because her mom abused pills. Maybe I'm like Joe Friday... just the facts ma'am.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> From were I'm sitting....right now custody is 0/100....time to get a lawyer.


Oh I agree that he needs to get a lawyer and get something set up for custody immediately.... I do believe that was the topic of an earlier post of mine on this thread. 

My point above is that he needs to go for what's realistic... 50/50.



the guy said:


> I still think that most betrayed would kick the wayward out, but in this case the so called betrayed left....make me think it was just an excuse to bail on the family unit....taking the kids...who knows, maybe to cover her tracks?


While you think that most betrayed would kick out a wayward, it's not always like that.

When I found out that my son's father was cheating, I left. I moved out with all my stuff and our one in one day. Why? Because I knew that if I asked him to leave I would not. And I knew that if I asked him to leave he would probably become violent.

A lot of BS leave... maybe not most, but a good number.

Keep in mind that even if a BS asks the WS to leave, the WS does not have to. It's their legal residence.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CJ, did you own the house before you and she married? Just wondering.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I think that Elegirl actuality understates the number of BS that leave. How many times do posters shout at newbies not to leave the home, I think the WS spouse leaves only if the AP has a place for them already set up. 

The person in the greatest pain is the one most likely to leave. The only reason I did not leave was I knew she was desperate to fornicate with him in our home and in our bed. After all she already jumped into his wives bed. And, I am not even a drinker (diabetes, at the time type 2), yell at her, or was abusive. I know now she was in the fog. But we had both checked out of the marriage and communication was totally passive. (amazing what a key logger will reveal.)

In CJ case she may be using leaving a tactic.


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