# Need help, im not coping with recent seperation.



## Sweetpea33 (Apr 9, 2013)

Ive been with my husband 7 years and split up last year but lived together till he moved out. I had met a new man but it all seems so real now and i am not sure whether its guilt or that i miss my husband. I feel my marriage was over for years but never had the courage to walk away until meeting my new man. I feel a responsibility to my ex and worry he wont cope and he has been hit by a really high car bill that i know he cant pay. I worry about him and the guilt is killing me.

Can anyone help me who has been throuhg this. I cant see light at the end of the tunnell.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Its sounds like you moved on? or was this something to just face the fact you didn't want to be alone, or work on the marriage?

Theres not enough details here to really have an opinion either way. Is it guilt, or is this you re-evaluating a reconciliation?

If you truly have moved on, then move on. Not sure what he's thinking or doing, but if you help with his car issues, you might be sending a message to him (in his mind) that you want to try to make it work again, and this is a small first step. Your mind can play funny tricks on you if you wanting something so bad.

I guess what im really saying is what is it that YOU want?? Theres hundreds of posts on these forums of reconciliation after a good time apart. Are u on the fence now?


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

My WAW was nice enough to make sure I was in counselling. I am appreciative for that. Ultimately, I had to build off of that small foundation and your husband will have to do the same.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sweetpea33 said:


> Ive been with my husband 7 years and split up last year but lived together till he moved out. I had met a new man but it all seems so real now and i am not sure whether its guilt or that i miss my husband. I feel my marriage was over for years but never had the courage to walk away until meeting my new man. I feel a responsibility to my ex and worry he wont cope and he has been hit by a really high car bill that i know he cant pay. I worry about him and the guilt is killing me.
> 
> Can anyone help me who has been throuhg this. I cant see light at the end of the tunnell.



Yes I have been where you are and I have to ask: Guilt over what? Is he not a grown man and are you his mother? How is his car bill your problem? I bet this is the dynamic you had in your marriage as well. You mothered him like a little boy and that's why your afraid he can't cope. I was in your position, left my husband at 7 years in for someone else. The marriage had been over for years. He had some hard times but he's a grown man and i'm not his mother. 7 years later he's fine. Don't infantilize you husband, he's a big boy. Enjoy your freedom, and hopefully he'll find someone that's a better fit for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sweetpea33 (Apr 9, 2013)

Thank you everyone, yes i looked after him all the way throuhg our marriage, I moaned all the time that i was not his mother. That part was just over compensating the fact he didnt have his mum and had a really hard upbringing.

I think i need to cut contact too as this just hurts us both. I appreciate you all replying. I cant believe there are so many people in similar positions.

x


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