# How long can a man go single before...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just curious ladies, how long can a man go single before you start to think there's something wrong with him?

A year? 2 years? 10? =/

Its been... 6 months so far, but now I'm getting used to single daddyhood. And with my pickiness I doubt I'll find anyone for quite some time, but the clock is ticking no? I'm just wondering whats me time limit.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I wouldn't think any time limit especially for a divorced man. I would hope he'd be a bit more picky in his selection. I have a friend who has NEVER been married and is still single at 38 years old. There is something wrong with that picture!

Before I met my husband and after a LTR I stayed single for 2 years. Best time of my life


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I don't personally see it that way, on the contrary, it would mean you don't settle for anything less than you should.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ticking clock? At 6 months? No. RD, you have a little girl who should be your main focus right now...which you have indicated is the case. Will you date again? I'm sure you will. Are you going to bring just any woman around your daughter? I didn't think so. Don't worry about it "taking too long". Go at YOUR pace. Anyone who has a problem with that...well, you know what you can tell them to do.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're not even divorced yet, dude... You're just looking for more drama that doesn't exist. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lol, true... fine ok

I was under the impression that when men are single too long, women tend to avoid them as they think something is wrong with them. But I guess I got a pass from that as a soon-to-be divorcee? Heh


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't think it's time....maybe age? 

I dated a man who was 42 and never had a serious relationship (no marriage, or dating for more than 5 months). That was weird. 

If someone just got a divorce and was single for a couple of years, that makes sense. At least you've been married, and now dealing with you and life and settling in.

But if I met a man my age who had NEVER had a serious relationship...yea...weird, imo.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok, lets say I decide to never have a relationship again, and I hit 40, which is a good dozen years time or so (I'm getting old! ), 12 yrs single... would you think there's something wrong with me then?

How about if I hit 50, daughter moved on, and I was still single. Would I be considered weird and would that scare away potential prospects?

Just curious really lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

butterscotch said:


> Why would anybody care about that?


From what I've seen, alot of people do. Well not really care about it - but they make judgements 



> Does it matter to you if your next girlfriend has been single for a long time? Do you think it should matter?


Depends really, but I'm asking ladies opinion in this 



> Do you think you would want to BE with somebody who's hung up on that?


I'm already super picky as it is, I can't add this to my list of turn offs lol


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Ok, lets say I decide to never have a relationship again, and I hit 40, which is a good dozen years time or so (I'm getting old! ), 12 yrs single... would you think there's something wrong with me then?
> 
> How about if I hit 50, daughter moved on, and I was still single. Would I be considered weird and would that scare away potential prospects?
> 
> Just curious really lol


RD, there are a LOT of things that could come into play between now and then. Seriously, there is no set age, only circumstances behind these things will make a difference from one person to another.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is a reasonable question. TBH I would wonder about a man that had been single for many years, exception would be that if he had dedicated his life to raising his kids as a sole parent.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Holland said:


> It is a reasonable question. TBH I would wonder about a man that had been single for many years, exception would be that if he had dedicated his life to raising his kids as a sole parent.


That and if, God forbid, some life altering event occurred, beyond the single parent situation, which caused him to remain single.... Like I said, it all depends on circumstances.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> RD, there are a LOT of things that could come into play between now and then. Seriously, there is no set age, only circumstances behind these things will make a difference from one person to another.


Aye, but I guess it's kinda like job interviews. For me personally when I interview prospective employees - having a long time unemployed would raise my alarms and warning signs. I'm guessing its the same thing no with dating in the future?



butterscotch said:


> Heck, be pickier. Not that I think that's being picky - I'd consider that to be basic personality testing. I think anybody who cares about that sort of thing has some very deep flaws in their ability to prioritize as well as a massive inability to judge the character of others if they're hung up on something so superficial and stupid. That's my female opinion for you.
> 
> I mean, really..... He's a good guy, kind to puppies and old folks, has never missed paying his debts and makes me laugh hysterically, but gosh darn it, he's been single for twelve years and you know what a bad sign THAT is, Charlene.
> 
> This is a conversation that would just never happen.


But wouldn't you think "there must be a catch?" 



> It is a reasonable question. TBH I would wonder about a man that had been single for many years, exception would be that if he had dedicated his life to raising his kids as a sole parent.


Ahhh, now I guess that could be my line! At least for the next decade or so. Would you wonder if he's even capable of a relationship after so long being single though despite being in single daddyhood?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

Guess I'll have to take your word for it


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

I never dated much, and when I was 29, my only serious relationship (lasted six months) to that time ended. I went another 4 1/2 years without a date (to age 33 1/2). Didn't go looking for a date, but spent my time working, playing softball, and doing the things that I wanted to do. Had a buddy that I hung out with that did the same thing (until he met his wife, I never saw him with a woman). Hell, if that friend had never met his wife, then I never would have done online dating and would probably still be single in my mid-40's doing the same stuff. 

Now, I'm a reasonably good-looking guy (certainly not dashing, but a bit above-average), have a professional career, owned my first house at age 26, financially secure, somewhat athletic. Yet until I did online dating, I only had one serious relationship, and if I hadn't done online dating, chances are I would still be single. Does that make me weird?


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

well if your daughter moved on and you're aged 50 can always know that you threw yourself into fatherhood and focused on raising your daughter and your professional career. Which is good because it would provide your daughter with that stability and strong father and daughter relationship. you would model for her, her importance as a person, female, and daughter and find a man as valuable as you have shown yourself and her to be. 

from personal experience, i am only 27 now, divorced, no kids. i married my highschool sweetheart and it really did not work out. what i learned was to learn about myself, reinvent myself and rediscover who i am as a learnt person from this experience. i lost friends and learned who was my true support system. went to counseling (christian and conventional). during this time, i would suggest take everything in, see it for what it is, and take time to grow. no need to rush anything.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

butterscotch said:


> ^Nope. Actually, if it weren't for the online dating part not being consistent, I'd ask you if you WERE the guy I married.


Ha, and to be honest, you sound a bit like my wife. Who knows?

That said, I learned that when you're single in your 30's, as I was, and you have a friend that's in the same situation, people think you're gay. My friend and I went to a lot of sporting events together, drank lots of beer, etc., and a friends wife thought we were an item. She couldn't comprehend that two guys with similar interest could just hang around watching sports, drinking beer, playing card, and smoking cigars. 

Of course, now that I'm married with kids, I miss those days. No PITA in-laws to deal with, no nagging wife, no worries about working late because the wife will be mad that you're not home to help with the kids, etc


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> You're not even divorced yet, dude... You're just looking for more drama that doesn't exist.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::iagree:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SO went 6 years.No dating.no sex.no flirting.

Totally single.

I think he's fabulous.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You're 28?

lmao. Stop this nonsense. You'll be fine. Drama ...good god.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As I'm almost 30 and I tend to go for women in their 20s-30s, I'll still feel old regardless  lol

Besides, one potential earlier on my previous dating spree felt intimidated by my age even though I don't look it (or so I like to tell myself!)

Never thought I would say it but I'm getting quite content with celibacy. Perhaps its the relief after escaping STBX's hold, though it took some time to get over going from tons of sex to no sex at all. Like putting my balls on ice.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But you're young. 

Just chill. You want to control everything and know everything and write it all out, and the reality is, we aren't promised anything besides this moment. 

Learn to live in the moment. Seriously.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> but the clock is ticking no? I'm just wondering whats me time limit.


I would be more weirded out by a guy who leapt into a relationship too quickly after divorce than one who waited a good long time.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Let's see.... Married at 21 on my birthday, separated after discharge at 22, divorced at 24, still single at 25. Haven't had sex in over a year, and no dating as of yet. I'm not worried about it!

It takes time to get rid of any anger, get your life back, and lose all the weight you gained from being married... which I have but I'm not done yet. It's a long process just to forgive yourself and let go, and it takes a little longer to get to where you want to be. 

I would be worried if I never married, but having been married I can't tell myself I'm never going to find anyone else. Even I know I could if I really tried, but going after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (marriage) isn't as desirable when you've already been there. 

I'll worry about marriage again when I hit my late 30s and calm down a bit myself.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

FemBot said:


> Best time of my life


Details!!!


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Just curious ladies, how long can a man go single before you start to think there's something wrong with him?
> 
> A year? 2 years? 10? =/
> 
> Its been... 6 months so far, but now I'm getting used to single daddyhood. And with my pickiness I doubt I'll find anyone for quite some time, but the clock is ticking no? I'm just wondering whats me time limit.


Concern yourself more with your own standards than the vagaries of what standards others will judge you by.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> >>It is a reasonable question. TBH I would wonder about a man that had been single for many years, exception would be that if he had dedicated his life to raising his kids as a sole parent.<<
> 
> Ahhh, now I guess that could be my line! At least for the next decade or so. Would you wonder if he's even capable of a relationship after so long being single though despite being in single daddyhood?


lol. whatever happened to fun and mystery on dates.

Her: So, how long have you been single?
You: *with a glint in your eye* ah, yes I bet you're sizing me up for a relationship aren't you? 

Or anything else thats fun and avoids answering her question. Remember you don't have to buy into her frame, and to do so all the time is actually quite boring and submissive.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not really worried about now, more worried about in the future when my relationshipless resume gets extended into the years. 

But I guess I'll worry about it later, just spent all weekend with my daughter, she helps me regain my purpose and direction in life.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

You know it's funny, after being married and divorced I find it's easier to talk to women, while not even really trying.

Because before you were married you just worried about getting sex and everything leading up to sex, everything was about tail and trying to impress. Even with relationships the sex you had was all about how you were on the date, and you did things to keep it exciting... not exactly what was normal and boring. 

But now you can sit there and just talk to a woman and really listen without waiting for your next turn to talk, or wondering what the sex would be like. Because you know what you're in for and you know what you're looking for and why there's no need to rush things.

Really I think it's funny, Divorced men make the best husbands... that is if they do the work on themselves and learn from their past relationships.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh yeah, a big IF though

Quite frankly, I no longer think I'm relationship material. Feel sorry for STBX somewhat for putting up with me even though I've put up with her sh-t too. But meh, at least my daughter thinks I'm the best daddy in the world, even if STBX believes I was a husband from hell lol


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Just curious ladies, how long can a man go single before you start to think there's something wrong with him?
> 
> A year? 2 years? 10? =/
> 
> Its been... 6 months so far, but now I'm getting used to single daddyhood. And with my pickiness I doubt I'll find anyone for quite some time, but the clock is ticking no? I'm just wondering whats me time limit.


Don't ever set time limits on yourself! More often than not, love will find you when you're not looking for it or even expecting it!

My advice ~ just let your hair down, lay back, and enjoy the ride!


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Heh yeah, a big IF though
> 
> Quite frankly, I no longer think I'm relationship material. Feel sorry for STBX somewhat for putting up with me even though I've put up with her sh-t too. But meh, at least my daughter thinks I'm the best daddy in the world, even if STBX believes I was a husband from hell lol


I sympathize with you, brother. I now know that I'm not really relationship material. I'm too much of a loner and like to keep things to myself. I don't like sharing things. Wife has admittedly put up with a lot with my lack of communication (which my parents used to complain about when I was a teenager). I also put up with a lot of her issues (insecurity, immaturity, nagging, no sex drive), but it's a two way street. 

Like you, my kids love daddy (and mommy, too). That said, there was a reason I only had one real relationship that lasted six months up to my mid-30's, and didn't date for almost five years after that relationship ended. Looking at it now, I would have been better off staying single (even though that would mean I wouldn't have my kids, which I can't even imagine).

I would advise anyone that was in my situation to not force the issue. If it happens, it happens, if not, then that's the way it's meant to be. I tried to force the issue with internet dating, and I regret it now.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Heh yeah, a big IF though
> 
> Quite frankly, I no longer think I'm relationship material. Feel sorry for STBX somewhat for putting up with me even though I've put up with her sh-t too. But meh, at least my daughter thinks I'm the best daddy in the world, even if STBX believes I was a husband from hell lol


Here is the thing to consider when understanding a woman's view point on this matter. You were married before and you are an active father. This tells any future dates that, even though you are currently single, you have "walked the path" of a married/committed man, and that the feelings that go along with that commitment are not foreign to you. You are capable of loving someone.

I'm a bit older than you and am currently single after 28 years of marriage. Naturally I will be dating single men within my age group. I would much rather date a divorced man than one that has never, ever been married. Why? Perhaps they have commitment issues, or social issues but what that tells me is that a man like that may have a totally different viewpoints of life in general (perhaps selfish or self-centered). 

On the other hand, a man who went through a divorce has spent some portion of his life sharing and caring and loving a woman who he intended, at the time of the marriage, to spend the rest of his life solely with her. And, since I too have experienced such a commitment, there is common ground to begin a new relationship.

So there is no time limit once you have had the experience of a marriage behind you. Being divorced is nothing to be ashamed of and I firmly believe that most sane, mature women will see you as a human being with character and will accept that your past experiences, both good and bad, contribute to who you are today.


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## Fearless (Aug 13, 2013)

Wow, you sound like me when I went through my divorce at 31. I was so worried people would judge me for being divorced, especially at such a young age. 

The biggest lesson I learned over the last 8 years, give people more credit. Not everyone is so judgemental. Most ppl really don't care you were married or divorced. Anyone worth having in your life won't care and the very few who would be hung up on such a trivial thing is clearly in a different life stage than you. Show them compassion but move along! There will be another one down the road looking for everything you can offer and will be estatic to have you come along!

I think only one guy openly judged me for being divorced. This was a grown man in his 30's who still lived at home and didn't have his own car! :rofl: Totally different life stages! I wished him well and moved quickly along. There were lots of other men who was wanting my attention, but I stayed single for 2 years! Nothing wrong with being selective! Actually, it's kind of a turn on if he selects me!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I think you're over thinking this. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would judge you superficially? Anyone worth spending time with is going to make the effort to get to know the real you before they make any kind of commitment. 

Assuming the "gap" in your "dating resume" is not due to you having kept women chained in your basement I don't think you have an issue.


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