# separation initiator, but very depressed



## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

I have gone from loss, to grief, to hope, from hope to reality and from what I thought was reality to confusion.

Now, I am simply depressed.

This relationship makes me depressed, not myself, low, sad, it zapps my energy all the while I care for him and he loves me like no other.

Why does life throw these kinds of cruel lessons at you? I know very well that I married the kind of guy I thought I should be with, and not someone who made my heart jump. I married a man from a relationship that had run its course long, long before but I was a coward and didn't have the courage to break up with him.

Why? Is it bcause I don't think I can be with someone any better? Is it because I hate being single? Probably. Did I stay with someone I had fallen out of love with but still cared for out of fear and saftey. Yes. Did I think I could live in that kind of relationship despite all of these things? Yes. Yes I did. And I stayed and stayed because I beluieved it so strongly. He is loving and kind and loyal and sweet. 

The thing that is depressing me now is that I still think I can live with a realtionship like that and then as I sit alone on my sofa eating pizza and ice cream and feeling like a whale, I look around and at my self and realise that I am clearly lying to myself.

I thought I could make it work and even now, I can't let go and it is making both of us sad.

Why does life make us learn these lessons? I guess the lesson I must be learning from all of this is only ever get into a relationship unless it feels absolutley great and love yourself enough to leave as soon as it doesnt seem 'right' anymore.

I just wish I could live in this realtionship as it was because if it didn't break me down as much as it is, I would, absolutley.

But I have put on a few kilos in three months, my hair is greasy and I feel utterly ugly and horrible.

When you are happy, you don't let yourself get into a frame of mind like this.

I hate my life. I hate that I am in this situation. I hate it all.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Sounds like you have two options.

1) Lead that single life and learn how to make yourself happy and not dependent on him or anyone else. Do things for yourself like the gym to help you look and feel better and get hobbies to help you be happy,

2) Get back with him and do things for him all the time. The more you put into a relationship the more you will love and fight for it. You can easily fall back in love again. It takes trying and investing into the relationship. Once you are devouted to improving things you will realize how important an investment it is.

Remember only you can make yourself happy. Going to a gym and picking up hobbies is important no matter what you decide to do. If he is a great guy do you really believe you can replace him? 

draconis


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

I hear you loud and clear. You are not alone. I agree with Draconis for the most part. I do not believe you can easily fall back in love again tho.

You did not give us much to go on as far as what has happened to make you change the way you feel about him.

Is your depression clinical? Have you seen a doctor about it? You might want to make it a point to do just that. I have gone through bouts of depression and it is not fun. It makes you care bout nothing and feel nothing for yourself to the point where it allows you to bring yourself down. If you can not be happy with yourself and who you are, you will never be able to make anyone else happy.

Can you answer what WILL make you happy again? Do you know what that is?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Thanks Draconias and Sprite.

What will make me happy again... losing the weight and having fun with H again and hanging out with my friends with H again. They never got along with him.. they thought he was a snob... not so.

I think you are right Draconias. I will do lots for him and see how it makes me feel.



I'll get back to you in a week.

Thanks you,

S


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