# So what is your definition of a wife initiating sex?



## Kricket (May 10, 2011)

I have seen so many men on here mention that they wish their wives would initiate sex more often or in some cases at least once in a while.

What I am wondering is: What exactly is a man looking for when he says he wishes she would initiate?

What if she shows up to bed with sexy lingerie? Does that work, or do you need physical contact from her first in order for it to mean that she made the first move?

What if the two of you jump in bed and roll toward each other at the same time and she throws a leg over yours? Would this count?

What if she simply invites you to take a shower or gets in the shower with you? Once again, does she need to make physical contact first or are you just happy she made some sort of move toward sex?

Just trying to broaden my TAM education


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

All good questions. I'll take my turn and give some of my answers.



Kricket said:


> I have seen so many men on here mention that they wish their wives would initiate sex more often or in some cases at least once in a while.
> 
> What I am wondering is: What exactly is a man looking for when he says he wishes she would initiate?


Could be in many forms including:

We are kissing, and she suddenly begins to get very passionate and begins rubbing me through my pants (or however much I'm wearing at that moment) or begins to put her hand inside my pants and rub. This is a good first move and signals she wants sex.

In bed, she makes the move and begins to give me oral. Definitely a good first move.

Sometimes, it's as simple as a nod toward the bed, then she jumps in naked before I can get there. She's ready and exploring me as soon as I hit the bed.

Sometimes, it begins slowly and more on the terms you would expect from her. The first unmistakable move may be her pulling my shirt up and rubbing or even licking my nipples. 

She likes to be assertive, and I like that as well, so sometimes it is VERY assertive the way she starts. One of the more overt examples is she may just remove her panties and hop onto my face. (I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the confidence when she does this. It is a HUGE thrill when she moves this assertively and confidently, just knowing that I love sex with her that much! Oh, and did I mention I really like this?)

Whatever it is that she does, there is a definite signal that she wants sex from me.



Kricket said:


> What if she shows up to bed with sexy lingerie? Does that work, or do you need physical contact from her first in order for it to mean that she made the first move?


Lingerie is nice, but it's more of an invitation in my mind. I'm accustomed to her initiation being something much more assertive. 



Kricket said:


> What if the two of you jump in bed and roll toward each other at the same time and she throws a leg over yours? Would this count?


That's more the motion telling me she's ready to go to sleep . If it's sexual, this is more of a signal that she is receptive and she wants me to initiate. I'll indulge her - no doubt of that . 



Kricket said:


> What if she simply invites you to take a shower or gets in the shower with you? Once again, does she need to make physical contact first or are you just happy she made some sort of move toward sex?


A shower together is pretty common for us. This may involve me washing her and her washing me, but is not necessarily a signal that she is ready for sex. However; one of her fantasies is for me to take her while we're in the shower, so sometimes I indulge her in this ... I'm trying to think what exactly the signal is that lets me know she's ready for this since she won't always be receptive ... Still, a shower is not in and of itself initiation.

Sometimes she will initiate while in the shower, though. This usually happens by her washing me until she makes me erect, then standing up and attempting to straddle my erect penis. Now THAT's initiation.



Kricket said:


> Just trying to broaden my TAM education


Good questions. I hope you get many more answers.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

All of the above are great, but I want to add some things my wife does:

She will cuddle up next to me in the morning on our days off and start passionately kissing me and rubbing her cute little body against mine while gently caressing my co*k and balls. 

Coming up to me and kissing me in that special way that tells me that I know what she wants me.

Pushing me down on the couch and climbing on top.

One thing that I wish she would do is grab me by the shirt and tell me, "I want you to fu*k me NOW!!"


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

On weekends, after working all day doing yard work, I'll come out from having a late afternoon shower and unexpectedly find her naked on the bed .... smiling ... works every time!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Men are simple creatures. touch touch touch touch


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I can think of the two times my wife initiated sex in the last 12 months. I went to bed one night and found her naked from the waist down (winning) ! 

She wandered into my office at 1:00 AM (I am an insomniac) and it was game on! 

Other than that it is me hoping that on Saturday mornings between 7:30 and 8:30 AM she will wake up, read a few chapters of her romance / mystery novel and then see if she has gotten worked up enough to pretend I am the lead character in the book.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

yeah... its pretty simple. She wiggles out of her PJs (if she is wearing any) and backs her butt up against me to wake me up in the morning - or she just grabs a handful of (_censored_) and starts playing the part of the slow milkmaid. This is every other morning typically.

I admit, it doesnt take much to get me going.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

My wife initiates sex - but its not exactly what it sounds like. She usually comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her and thats my cue that we can have sex tonight. 
Its nothing really seductive like lingerie, or jumping my bones when were in bed. Once a year she might jump into bed naked and I'll know its 'on like donkey kong', but again, that's rare.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

As other guys have all ready stated, when it comes to showing you want it/us, the simpler the better.

I all ways joke with my wife, if she wants to let me know she is interested in some action there are some very complicated specific steps she must take.

a) grab it
b) play with it
:smthumbup:


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

IMO: anything sexual she doesn't normally do or anyway shape of from coming in contact with your penis.

wearing really sexy underwear or a thong
text you something sexy
grabbing it
letting you know exactly what she wants right now
ect


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

If you have to ask, then sex has not been initiated...


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## Kricket (May 10, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> If you have to ask, then sex has not been initiated...


If I have to ask??? It's not like it won't happen either way. Heck it can happen with the right eye contact. 

What I was really trying to figure out is what it took for the woman to get credit for being the one to initiate. 

It looks like physical contact is the answer. 

Also, I never thought about the difference of an "invitation" vs. initiating. I guess I always thought of the act of inviting sex as the same thing as initiating. I have been enlightened


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Out of bed:
- She gives me this low key smile and I just "know". And I smile back and nod. 
- Or she says "tonight"? with a questioning tone of voice

In bed: She just has to go from a non-sexual back rub to a very slightly sexual massage and that's it. 

I like that she is low key but direct. We never cross signals when she does this stuff. When she does it I notice and at worst (if I am dead dog tired) I respond with - how about tomorrow night? But that is rare. 




Kricket said:


> I have seen so many men on here mention that they wish their wives would initiate sex more often or in some cases at least once in a while.
> 
> What I am wondering is: What exactly is a man looking for when he says he wishes she would initiate?
> 
> ...


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

When I pick up a tennis ball in the yard, my dog gets "that look" in her eyes. Playtime is here, lets get it on.....

If my wife initiates, I do the same thing.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oh yeah - I forgot - when I walk into bedroom and she is wearing lingerie - LOVE THAT





MEM11363 said:


> Out of bed:
> - She gives me this low key smile and I just "know". And I smile back and nod.
> - Or she says "tonight"? with a questioning tone of voice
> 
> ...


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Kricket, any of the things you suggested could qualify as initiating, unless there has anytime in the past when one of those actions didn't mean sex.

My wife never had any problem initiating when she was interested and it always something overt and physical. Usually grabbing my parts, in fact the problem was she used to like to play with me on a regular basis even when circumstances didn't allow for sex. I guess she just needed to keep her hands busy.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Women need a reason to have sex....Men just need a place.

Billy Crystal


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, as a wife I will admit that initiating has been a challenge for me. I REALLY like it when he pursues me. But, I'm learning that he also likes to be able to feel that same kind of desire of someone pursuing and really desiring him.

So, I am learning and trying to be better at ways that he enjoys to be pursued - even though it isn't something that initially has been part of my nature, I am finding that it can be a learned skill. 

I have learned that my H likes things best when they are very straight-forward and direct. 

I have been practicing for the last year or so on trying to perfect a 'look' at him - usually holding his eyes for a bit and raising my eyebrows and giving him a little smile. Then I will go up to him and touch him intimately.

I've recently worked up to the same thing, but instead of touching him directly, I go up to him and stare at him and touch everything but ... and tease him some.

I have been trying to mimic some of the flirty stuff that he has been good at doing to try and get me going - drive-by kisses, pinches, pushing up against him when he is at the kitchen sink. Hey - if he does that to me, I figure I am going to try it back. So far, it's been very, very effective although he complains that he wishes we could do something right then, but we always have a bunch of kids around.

Lordy ... we've only been married 22 years. I am a slow learner apparently.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> Well, as a wife I will admit that initiating has been a challenge for me. I REALLY like it when he pursues me. But, I'm learning that he also likes to be able to feel that same kind of desire of someone pursuing and really desiring him.
> 
> So, I am learning and trying to be better at ways that he enjoys to be pursued - even though it isn't something that initially has been part of my nature, I am finding that it can be a learned skill.
> 
> ...


The nearest my wife has got in the last few years is to look at me "in a funny way" which I should just just know means she is willing to not turn me down. She stopped being naked, touching me, saying sexy things, wearing lingerie around me etc gradually over the last several years.


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## Kricket (May 10, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, as a wife I will admit that initiating has been a challenge for me. I REALLY like it when he pursues me. But, I'm learning that he also likes to be able to feel that same kind of desire of someone pursuing and really desiring him.
> 
> So, I am learning and trying to be better at ways that he enjoys to be pursued - even though it isn't something that initially has been part of my nature, I am finding that it can be a learned skill.
> 
> ...


Enchantment: I am in the same exact boat. I have been working to improve many things for the past couple of years but this has been one of those things that proven to be a little hard for me. Apparently I am a slow learner too. I have been married 16 years. Thanks so much for your response 

These are great responses from everyone.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If I gotta explain it to you you'll never get it.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

The Chimp said:


> The nearest my wife has got in the last few years is to look at me "in a funny way" which I should just just know means she is willing to not turn me down. She stopped being naked, touching me, saying sexy things, wearing lingerie around me etc gradually over the last several years.


This touches a nerve, particularly the last sentence. The odd thing in my case is that my wife seems to want sex (maybe once a week or so), but her idea of initiating (on the rare occasions she does) is to say something like "so are we going to fool around tonight or what" in a flat voice. Outside of the bedroom from 10:30 to 11:30 p.m., my attempts to pay a sexy compliment or initiate even non-sexual physical contact are met with something just sort of open hostility.

It's been seriously effecting my desire for her over the past year or two. I ask myself how I can feel passionate about someone who pretty obviously feels little passion or attraction for me, despite her need to get off periodically. I'm finding that the answer seems to be: "I can't".


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## marriedinnh (Mar 25, 2012)

I would suspect it means different things for different people. Depends what they need and what they're used to.

For me, when I ask her to initiate, I mean:

Make it clear that you want sex and do something about it. And not always the same way. Make me feel wanted and like I'm not the only one who's hungry for sex.

If she's just making herself available and being very passive about it, that's better than nothing, but not what I was asking for.





Kricket said:


> I have seen so many men on here mention that they wish their wives would initiate sex more often or in some cases at least once in a while.
> 
> What I am wondering is: What exactly is a man looking for when he says he wishes she would initiate?
> 
> ...


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Kricket,

do you want to hear from women too, or just men?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

My wife doesn't so I couldn't tell ya!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

You can make up your definition of initiating sex. It doesn't really matter.

What you want to know how he'd like you to initiate sex. Touch his penis, play with it a while and then put it inside you. Really, men are quite simple.


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## Screenp2 (Dec 4, 2011)

She's not into verbal or physical initiation.. at all. Hasn't touched me down there even by accident in the last 7 or so years. 

It's a big issue for me lately and she's starting to understand that I need to be initiated upon every so often. I need to feel desired on some level as well. (one needs a desire for sex in the first place, that's a different thread) 
If I'm always the one to 'give' to start sex.. she's taken more than her fair share and has not 'given' back so it left me feeling empty and I stopped initiating. 

Her non-verbal signs have always been if she was awake when i came to bed or she rolled on her back once I got in bed meant that it was ok to try.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I love that with the ice, Oh... a new one for me to try while we are out alone, a little inspiration on TAM, love it. 

I am always playful & feisty with my husband, it is just what I am made of ...... when night time comes, we both just want the same thing... I can't say it is me more than him or him more than me - once we are alone, there is a gravitational pull towards each other. Mornings are the same. 

In our past.....I think he NEEDED more playfulness out of me... he wanted that very badly... but he never talked about it with me.... and I was lax, attentions elsewhere. 

My husband loves a little aggressiveness, it brightens him right up, it draws the passion out of him even .... My NEED for him, my wanting of pleasure fuels his pleasure... It is truly a beautiful thing... ..he would be very sad if I never initiated, it simply would not work for his personality type........and I am his perfect match.......cause I enjoy roughing him up a bit, turning on the seductive charm & touchingly showing him exactly what is on my mind. 

This comes very naturally to me.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

she cuddles up in front of me and wiggles her ass right on my crotch....

she has nothing on under her nighty... and "accidentally" exposes herself... briefly...

she facebooks a VERY suggestive picture only i can see...

she will say on facebook (publicly) "anyone hungry for irish-german pizza?" (she is irish-german and our word for P*ssy is pizza)

she will simply say...."wanna f*ck?"

a to-do list

To-Do
1. Wife
2. cut grass
3. trim shrubs
4. drop kids off at sleep over
5. check oil in car
6. Wife


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