# please give me some insight



## heartsick (Mar 18, 2010)

Hello all. I am new to this forum, and actually new to forums in general. I am 33 and have been married almost 14 years. We have 3 wonderful children together, 5,8 and 11. I dont know where to go from here. As with all marriages we have our ups and downs. We are at an en passe and i dont know what to do. I am in love with my husband, totally and he says that he is in love with me. We got together when we were very young and neither one of us has ever been with anyone else physically. Anyway, as everyone knows people change throughout their lives. This is our issue. My husband and i see things differently. He sees sex as just that sex where as i see it as more of a commitment. He told me a while ago he would like to have sex with other women. I am not OK with this. He says he loves me but wants to know what having sex is like with someone else. He doesnt want a divorce, and our sex life is good, I am open to trying new things without judgement and have tried to keep it fresh. We have sex about 3 times per week and with 3 kids that is good i think.well for months I have been trying to do things that he wants. I go out with friends and dance with other guys.He loves it and is happy with where its going. I dont. Last night I kissed another man. i feel terrible about it. he is turned on by it and is happy about it, i feel like its wrong. I dont want anyone else except my husband. I dont know what to do. I want him to be happy and not compromise his wants or needs but i dont want to compromise mine either. I feel like there is no middle ground for this one. I am hurt and confused and scared. He wasnt like this before, it never bothered him until a few years ago. Please someone give me some insight, what do i do now?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There is no middle ground, sorry. You're either married to one person, or you aren't. That said, if you 'refuse' he may feel entitled to cheat on you, since you aren't being 'reasonable.'

Are you sure he didn't already have an affair? Usually when something changes like that, something happened.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

By having sex with other women, does he mean he wants to cheat on you, or does he want to have an orgy-with you included?
Not sure what the problem is-he seems a bit young to be going through "man-o-pause". Or like Turnera said, he may have already cheated on you.
Not saying that women are perfect, but I sure can't figure out what goes through men's head sometimes.:scratchhead:


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