# can single parents date single parents?



## mikeandberg (Oct 3, 2008)

Hi, I've posted on other threads, but here is a quick rundown of my situation. My wife left me and I'm starting to get ready to move on. I've been hanging out with a group of single parents to let our kids mingle and play and I've really hit it off with another single mother... I was wondering is it okay for single parents to date other single parents or is it a disaster waiting to happen? please give me some advice.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I dont see why it would be a problem. maybe im naive. but it seems you'd have a lot in common. how old are the kids? ive only read that its really hard to mesh with the kids.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

mikeandberg said:


> Hi, I've posted on other threads, but here is a quick rundown of my situation. My wife left me and I'm starting to get ready to move on. I've been hanging out with a group of single parents to let our kids mingle and play and I've really hit it off with another single mother... I was wondering is it okay for single parents to date other single parents or is it a disaster waiting to happen? please give me some advice.


mike,
not to hijack your thread, but i thought you guys were real close to solving your problems. what happened man. PM me if you're not comfortable posting it here.


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## mikeandberg (Oct 3, 2008)

voivod,

It turns out that the "problem" is nothing that can be solved. My wife is a lesbian, and its something she's been living with our entire relationship. We've worked through it the best we can for our children, and we're going to take our time to heal then do our best to remain friends. Its a little sad, but I've accepted that there is nothing I can do about it, We still love each other, but there is no way that we can be happy together.


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

Wow... just wow!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Mike,

Before I remarried, I was a single mom of three (8, 5, 3 at the time) and I dated a few men with full or shared custody (one had full custody of 4!) I think it really depends on the parents and how they are with kids...will they love them all and treat them all the same? If so, I don't see any problem...other than financial! Once they get to middle school age, divorce, dating, remarrying, moving is very difficult for them.

As it worked out for me, my now husband was never married and did not have any children so in some ways less complicated but then again it was a pretty big adjustment for him to walk into my life!


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## keepsmiling (Nov 20, 2012)

Yes.

Bear in mind that both of you have (likely complicated) histories, so I would tread carefully and gently get to know each other.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

My SO and I dated each other and were both single parents. We now have a child together and are really happy. The one thing we say all of the time though is that it never would have worked if our kids didn't like each other. It also makes it really easy for us to understand each other when we have to deal with our ex's and other issues that come up from raising a child that is split between households.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

mikeandberg said:


> Hi, I've posted on other threads, but here is a quick rundown of my situation. My wife left me and I'm starting to get ready to move on. I've been hanging out with a group of single parents to let our kids mingle and play and I've really hit it off with another single mother... I was wondering is it okay for single parents to date other single parents or is it a disaster waiting to happen? please give me some advice.


I did it when I was a single mom. We got along great and the relationship was good...except his ex kept interfering and I was getting calls somehow on my personal phone from her telling me to stay away from him or she'd kill me...so she was kinda psycho. I broke up with him because he got taken to jail for "stalking" her, according to her...according to him she had his kid and was taking the kid to different bowling alleys and he didn't like it and was trying to get the kid back but I didn't believe him and broke it off. We might have worked if I'd stayed and delt with the drama, but I didn't. At the time his kid was 2 and mine was 6 months. 

He was really upset when I broke up with him and ended up joining the army (according to him, because of me breaking up with him). Aside from a few letters I got from him after he was in the Army, that I never answered, I haven't heard from him since.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

mikeandberg said:


> Hi, I've posted on other threads, but here is a quick rundown of my situation. My wife left me and I'm starting to get ready to move on. I've been hanging out with a group of single parents to let our kids mingle and play and I've really hit it off with another single mother... I was wondering is it okay for single parents to date other single parents or is it a disaster waiting to happen? please give me some advice.


I think it is smart to do. You both have that in common & it's a big one.

As a Mother, when I got divorced, I only dated men with children because the "get it."


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Does "left me" mean you're divorced or separated? I wouldn't recommend dating anyone until the ink is dry on your divorce papers and you've gone through your own grieving process and gotten comfortable living alone in your own skin.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why are you asking us for permission? Who else would single parents date? Who makes up rules? Do what feels right for you. And yes, you'll likely have a few speed-bumps along the way, but you'll be bringing your own speed-bumps to share, so it's all good.

C


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Heres a story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up 3 bery lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls....

I wont sing it all, but ot sounds like brady bunch....

I married a man with children, i had children. Its THE hardest part of the marriage. Until they grow up, leave, someone has a midlife crisis and we all end up on TAM......


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

PBear said:


> Why are you asking us for permission? Who else would single parents date? Who makes up rules? Do what feels right for you. And yes, you'll likely have a few speed-bumps along the way, but you'll be bringing your own speed-bumps to share, so it's all good.
> 
> C


Not asking for permission...just advice it sounds like.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

When I saw the title of this thread I was confused. Why in the world couldn't single parents date? Go for it.

As Emerald said, single parents "get it" when it comes to kids so you're one step ahead of the game there.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Make sure your divorce is final before you even think about dating someone else.

But nope, other single parents are out of the question. Only date married women.

NOT!... Gessh, YES, it is okay to date other single parents. Why wouldn't it be?? If you are worried about the extra baggage, then find one you get along with that doesn't have baggage. (But, realize that your own baggage isn't that appealing either)


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Try to be sure you both have similar parenting styles. Be sure that you are on the same page with expectations for your kids. If one person is super lenient and the other very strict it is difficult to blend the families. 
My h and I thought it was awesome that our kids are three months apart. We have so much in common. Problem is they are so close together that they compete about every little thing. I wouldn't change it but I guess I had been prepared for it. 
Go ahead and date but try not to get your kids emotionally involved in the other person until you know for sure it is serious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I saw on another message board where a male poster was wondering why so many single moms in OLD were requiring only childless men. So the thread discussed how single moms don't want to deal with men whose pay-checks were already spoken for.

So that is one thing to think about. I met a woman whose father left her mother at a young age. He remarried and while in their adulthood claimed that he wanted to get back into his daughters' (from his first marriage) lives. The woman said that she was disgusted to learn that when he attended her sister's wedding that he came alone and had told his wife that he was visiting a friend that day.

My sister who divorced when her 2 children were late grade school and junior high said that she would never date a man who had children at home. Her reason.....she was not interested in raising someone else's children.

the years go fast anyway. Both her children are at university and beyond now.

Just a couple of opinions regarding single parents dating......


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I wish I had some insider advice - I have but nothing serious enough for any insider info.

I have very oddly ended up with guys who never had children - all 3 of my more serious (and a few not serious) relationships had no children.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Assuming that we are dating with the intention of getting married, I would observe that the blended families I know work best when each parent brings in more or less the same number of kids from their previous marriage(s). This avoids a lot of feelings of unfairness that can develop in an unbalanced relationship


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I saw on another message board where a male poster was wondering why so many single moms in OLD were requiring only childless men. So the thread discussed how single moms don't want to deal with men whose pay-checks were already spoken for.


Wow - this NEVER occurred to me! I was more worried about how the kids would feel, how we'd blend, how co-parenting w/ so many parents works out but never thought about his money. I support child support! LOL I figure it all comes out in the wash - I get child support, he pays child support... as long as the kids get what they need, it's fair for all parties, I don't see it as an issue.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Assuming that we are dating with the intention of getting married, I would observe that the blended families I know work best when each parent brings in more or less the same number of kids from their previous marriage(s). This avoids a lot of feelings of unfairness that can develop in an unbalanced relationship



I sympathise with what you say on a practical basis. but itis a reminder as to how selfish we can all be. 

What do parents with 4+ children do?


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Well anyone can date whomever they wish, for me, my husband was my only serious relationship after my daughter was born and he also had a child. I felt like he could relate and was more understanding of me being a mother than the guys w/o kids that I dated before him.

You just have to know if you are capable accepting the other's kids and all the stuff that comes along with it before dating someone with children.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Thread started in 2008 folks.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

AFEH said:


> Thread started in 2008 folks.


oops.. sorry!.. I am so guilty of not looking at timeframe of the OPost.


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