# 8 year old girl being harrassed by boy at school



## diwali123

I just can't believe this is already happening. Last year in after care a boy kept hugging my daughter and hanging around her and calling her sweetie. 
I taught her to tell him to stay out of her personal space and that he needs to leave her alone. She said he was sad but that was it. 
They are in the same class this year. The first week of school he over whelmed her with attention, was hanging on her, hugging her, writing her love notes, just constantly in her face. 
I talked to the teacher and she took care of it. After that he didn't bother her. Friday she told me that he's now being rude and mean to her every chance he can get: calling her names, throwing balls at her, making fun of her I'm the halls, the playground and gym class. 

My daughter is not a shy child and has actually had issues herself with fighting with another girl. She's no shrinking violet. She said she tried to ignore him but he just keeps doing it. She's to the point where she wants to move to another class to get away from him.
This morning she was crying about it. I contacted the principal and he is going to talk to her teacher about what they are doing in class to keep him away from her. 

They are both 8! I'm just feeling kind of sick about it. This morning she told me she feels like it's her fault: I told her he has mental problems. She says he cries all the time about the smallest things. 
This child is just bizarre.
My husband said maybe he needs counseling. What if his parents are doing all they know to do and this is just how he is? 
So now that the principals are involved I'm afraid he might find another way to retaliate against her. 
I'm to the point where I want to go volunteer just so I can give him the evil eye all day. I know that's bad but my god....she's 8 years old and has to deal with a boy being pissed off that she doesn't love him? WTF??? 
If anyone needs to be moved to a different class it's him. Maybe to the special class for kids with emotional disorders.


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## Pluto2

Is there a school counselor you can go to for help? In our school any bullying is quickly dealt with-provided they know its going on. 
The next step might be contacting the boys parents, but unless you know them, it can often backfire.
So sorry for your daughter, she's been through the wringer.


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## EleGirl

Maybe your volunteering would help.

Does this boy have any friends?


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## diwali123

I don't know. Our next door neighbor is a year older and when she said that he was calling her sweetie last year neighbor said he's like that with a lot of girls. 
I'm guessing this isn't his first go round with stalking behavior. 
I'll see what the principal says. 
I know it's like it's not enough her dad lives in filth, she has asthma, her medications were making her nuts and we are dealing with all this DFS stuff.


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## diwali123

Pluto2 said:


> Is there a school counselor you can go to for help? In our school any bullying is quickly dealt with-provided they know its going on.
> The next step might be contacting the boys parents, but unless you know them, it can often backfire.
> So sorry for your daughter, she's been through the wringer.


In my experience going straight to the principal works best after you talk to the teacher. 
I'll see what they come up with.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Watch the documentary Bully on Netflix. It's horrifying when students are bullied. This documentary is a huge eye opener.

Our schools thankfully have a non bully policy and they stick to it strictly! I'm grateful for that. Bullying is much worse now then when I was in school. I was bullied as a kid and my parents did nothing about it. I went to my teacher(6th grade) and he said I just had to ignore them and live with it. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I personally would make an emergency apt with the principle. I would bug them until it stopped.


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## TikiKeen

One of mine was bullied, and he got in trouble, per the 'no bullying policy" That also means "no self defense" here.

If the principal comes up with anything less than moving him, and if they say they can't tell you for his privacy protection, escalate. I like to skip over the school board and go to the media in that case. Please make sure she sees the school counselor, too. That's extra paper for the trail. 

This s*cks that she's got yet another thing to deal with. BTW, I love that your reaction was to go to a place of empathy and concern for his parents. You're good people.


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## diwali123

TikiKeen said:


> One of mine was bullied, and he got in trouble, per the 'no bullying policy" That also means "no self defense" here.
> 
> If the principal comes up with anything less than moving him, and if they say they can't tell you for his privacy protection, escalate. I like to skip over the school board and go to the media in that case. Please make sure she sees the school counselor, too. That's extra paper for the trail.
> 
> This s*cks that she's got yet another thing to deal with. BTW, I love that your reaction was to go to a place of empathy and concern for his parents. You're good people.


Considering three weeks ago she was being a bully I can't help but feel for them. He obviously has big issues. My d told me he told her he gets special time out during the day so he can get out of class. I don't know if he is going to OT or the counselor or what. 

She says she wants to move. I told her he's the got the problem, he can move. I told her I'm definitely going to ask next year for them to be in different classes. I really like her teacher and she shouldn't have to move because of him.


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## diwali123

I got a response from the principal, he worded it diplomatically but this isn't the first time he has done this. 
In addition he wasn't allowed to go on the field trip today. She was worried he would bother her, and she was so looking forward to going. 
I get the feeling they are trying to decide what the next steps are, he's going to let me know.
I'm sure they have to talk to his parents. 
I'm just glad that they believed her and that it's being taken care of! 

My husband had a really sweet talk with her last night. Usually she just relies on me for emotional support, she was very open to hearing what he had to say and I could tell it helped her.


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## southern wife

Sorry to hear this is happening to your daughter. Mine will turn 8 in December, and I fear for this day to come in her future.

If the teacher, school principal, and/or parents do NOTHING about this, call the police. Your child is being harassed and that is not tolerable on ANY level. 

I would personally have some choice words for the bully that did this to my child!  And they'd never do it again either!


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## diwali123

southern wife said:


> Sorry to hear this is happening to your daughter. Mine will turn 8 in December, and I fear for this day to come in her future.
> 
> If the teacher, school principal, and/or parents do NOTHING about this, call the police. Your child is being harassed and that is not tolerable on ANY level.
> 
> I would personally have some choice words for the bully that did this to my child!  And they'd never do it again either!


Thanks. It's not that easy. You can get in big trouble if you confront another child at school. 
Well the boy admitted to everything. The principal told me he has a consequence and has been told that he is to completely leave her alone. 

He also told me that she admitted to doing some things to him but he could tell the boy was the aggressor. He told her that she needs to completely ignore him and stay away from him which she agreed to. 
He also told her if he starts again to tell someone right then. 

So we will see. They were going on an awesome field trip so I know that had to sting that he wasn't allowed to go. I'm sure I'll hear from her if he's out of class for any length of time in suspension.


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## diwali123

He was out if class all afternoon. She said someone came in to get his stuff so I guess he had in school suspension.


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## TikiKeen

Ok, if it's at this level and he's also being suspended for the behavior...does this boy have an IEP? They exist for psych-based-behavioral-symptoms, as those are technically medical in nature. if you all are up to it, you might be in a much better position to advocate for both your d and him, while still keeping him away from her. His behavior "affects [the student's] learning or that of others" (paraphrased) under Federal Law. It's a civil rights violation of the boy if the proper help isn't sourced for him, and of your daughter if his behavior continues. (IDEA Act. I know his behavior is painful, but it's clear that he is psych-disabled.)

The admins know exactly what they're doing: stalling and hoping you let it blow over. Oddly, funding is not an issue with IDEA, as Federal funds match state funds. Protecting your d might well mean protecting him. Your compassion is huge, and it's also a big lesson in "invisible" disabilities (non-physical disabilities). I admire you.


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## diwali123

TikiKeen said:


> Ok, if it's at this level and he's also being suspended for the behavior...does this boy have an IEP? They exist for psych-based-behavioral-symptoms, as those are technically medical in nature. if you all are up to it, you might be in a much better position to advocate for both your d and him, while still keeping him away from her. His behavior "affects [the student's] learning or that of others" (paraphrased) under Federal Law. It's a civil rights violation of the boy if the proper help isn't sourced for him, and of your daughter if his behavior continues. (IDEA Act. I know his behavior is painful, but it's clear that he is psych-disabled.)
> 
> The admins know exactly what they're doing: stalling and hoping you let it blow over. Oddly, funding is not an issue with IDEA, as Federal funds match state funds. Protecting your d might well mean protecting him. Your compassion is huge, and it's also a big lesson in "invisible" disabilities (non-physical disabilities). I admire you.


There's not much I can do. I don't know where you live but schools are very strict about privacy and if I didn't know this boy's name already they wouldn't have told me. 
If he were still in after care I might be able to talk to a parent but no such luck. 

I've seen my daughter and stepson fighting. I know she can be just as mean as anyone. She's not an angel for sure. 
I guess I could hotline it but from what I've experienced DFS wouldn't do anything.


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## mablenc

I admire the fact that you are realistic about your daughter, not just playing her out as a victim. I really think something is going on with the little boy at home. Hopefully he's in the school radar and not only will he leave your daughter alone but, maybe get help?


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## diwali123

mablenc said:


> I admire the fact that you are realistic about your daughter, not just playing her out as a victim. I really think something is going on with the little boy at home. Hopefully he's in the school radar and not only will he leave your daughter alone but, maybe get help?


I get the feeling he's been getting help. This is a great district and they try really hard. 
You don't know if there's something going on at home, he could be just genetically mentally I'll or had neglect and abuse early in life and is adopted.
My daughter was a bully while she was on Singulair a month ago and it was so embarrassing. Because of the divorce and her father she has had emotional issues, been in trouble, etc. 
I have tried as hard as I can but there is only so much parents can do.


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## Snickers

My daughter is going through bullying herself I wish I had some good advice to give you that has not been said already.I am just writing to wish you luck and hope the school can solve this problem and that your daughter can go to school in peace.


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## diwali123

Snickers said:


> My daughter is going through bullying herself I wish I had some good advice to give you that has not been said already.I am just writing to wish you luck and hope the school can solve this problem and that your daughter can go to school in peace.


So far so good!!! I have always asked her details of her day since she started going to preschool: who she talked to, what she did, what she learned. I'm just hoping that the openness she has with me continues into her teen age years.


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## diwali123

Snickers said:


> My daughter is going through bullying herself I wish I had some good advice to give you that has not been said already.I am just writing to wish you luck and hope the school can solve this problem and that your daughter can go to school in peace.


How is she doing?


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## RandomDude

Hell if it gets out of hand I would have probably rock up at school and strangle his little neck but that's just me. Would probably have to strangle his old man too eventually once he starts coming after me.


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## diwali123

We went to a Halloween event at her school today. There was a karate school with one of those punching bags that sits on the floor. He asked her to hit it and I whispered "pretend it's (bully)" She went nuts on it. It was awesome.


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## diwali123

My daughter is in a high level choir that isn't related to school. Tonight they are rehearsing with the other choir their age because they are performing together in the holiday concert. 
And guess who is in the choir? 
He was all excited pointing her out to his dad "that's her! She's in my class!" 
Well at least I know how to get in contact with parents. And this choir doesn't tolerate that kind if behavior; in or out of their time.


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## diwali123

So great. She said they could stand where they want and he just went up and stood by her for practice. Then he told her "sometimes I sing songs about you in the shower." 
I am livid.


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## mablenc

diwali123 said:


> So great. She said they could stand where they want and he just went up and stood by her for practice. Then he told her "sometimes I sing songs about you in the shower."
> I am livid.


Why are you upset because he stood by or because of the song?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123

mablenc said:


> Why are you upset because he stood by or because of the song?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because this kid is relentless. He just does not get it. He's been told to leave her alone. So leave her the f alone. He's creepy.


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## turnera

Time to visit his parents.


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## diwali123

Her principal said that they would let staff know. I talked to the choir admin and she said that his dad told them last night they had issues in school. 
I told her what he said about singing songs in the shower and she said "yeah that's not appropriate."
They are going to keep them separate and watch them during breaks.


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## mablenc

How did the dad seem when you saw him? Approachable?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123

mablenc said:


> How did the dad seem when you saw him? Approachable?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Probably. I just don't know what to say. In order for parents to know about this choir and encourage their kids to be in it they have a level of education and sophistication. So I doubt that he is like this because his parents aren't trying. 

I just don't know what to say. "So, your son is obsessed with my daughter." Plus there's a racial element to it, which I don't think the kids really are concerned with. But you never know what is going on in adults heads.


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## mablenc

Read the schools bully policy and have them enforce it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123

mablenc said:


> Read the schools bully policy and have them enforce it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This choir is independent from their school completely.


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## Hortensia

Diwali, I dealt with this kind of males as a child, and I'm still dealing with them up to this day as an adult. I've had boys in my class tease me and throw things at me. I've had supervisors and managers hitting on me then starting to harass and bully me at work once they got it clear that won't see anything from me. This boy is a typical male bully, bitter that he has been scorned. He'll grow into a more bitter bully unfortunately, unless he gets some serious counselling with his issues. The principal/ teacher should suggest this path to his parents. It is regrettable that your daughter has to go through such thing. Good thing that she's strong. Shier people are left with long time traumas and crushed self confidence as a result of bullying. This is more serious than you would think...
As someone else mentioned, see the movie Bully, and Cyber Bully, for a realistic perspective of this evil behavior. 
There must be a way. Where I come from there was not much to do. But guess here in the USA things are different. Ask the authorities and maybe even a lawyer for more information about what you can or can't do.


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## EleGirl

Hortensia said:


> Diwali, I dealt with this kind of males as a child, and I'm still dealing with them up to this day as an adult. I've had boys in my class tease me and throw things at me.
> 
> I've had supervisors and managers hitting on me then starting to harass and bully me at work once they got it clear that won't see anything from me. This boy is a typical male bully, bitter that he has been scorned. He'll grow into a more bitter bully unfortunately, unless he gets some serious counselling with his issues. The principal/ teacher should suggest this path to his parents. It is regrettable that your daughter has to go through such thing. Good thing that she's strong. Shier people are left with long time traumas and crushed self confidence as a result of bullying. This is more serious than you would think...
> 
> As someone else mentioned, see the movie Bully, and Cyber Bully, for a realistic perspective of this evil behavior.
> 
> There must be a way. Where I come from there was not much to do. But guess here in the USA things are different. Ask the authorities and maybe even a lawyer for more information about what you can or can't do.


Yep, I've been through this as well. It's good to teach little girls how to handle this kind of guy.


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## turnera

And maybe some karate as well.


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## diwali123

I've been through it too. Many times, even with a manager who I found out later hired me because he wanted to sleep with me. 
Then he spent the whole first shift talking to me. 
The next time we closed the place at 2 am he asked me for a ride home then begged me to go up to his apartment for drinks. I had to say no four times before he got out of the car.
Then the next day he started treating me like crap. 

Yes he needs counseling. I'm fairly sure someone has already suggested that to his parents. He might be in counseling already. 
He strikes me as a very wounded kid.


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## turnera

That's usually because of the parents. They may not be much help.


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## diwali123

turnera said:


> That's usually because of the parents. They may not be much help.


I give them the benefit of the doubt. I know my d has done some things that people would say "oh my god what is wrong with her?" 

He could be adopted, he could have been abused by moms ex boyfriend and this dad isn't really his dad. 
I get the feeling he's been sexually abused. 
Honestly I didn't get a bad vibe off his dad at all, and the type of people who have their kids in this choir are educated and cultured. It costs money, they have to audition, tickets to the holiday concert are thirty bucks a pop. 
Not to say that it couldn't be happening now. If he was abused previously then they seem like the type who would get him help.
And his dad went out of his way to tell the choir staff about it. He didn't have to do that.


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## manticore

I will tell you something that you may not appreciate but I guess any point of view is good at certain point to see things a little different.

your story bring memories that i had not remembered in many years.

my kinder garden was mixed, and I have memories of it but i have nothing in particular some interactions but not more than that.

I went to a private primary school just for males, so my interactions with the opposite sex became nule, when I was about 9 years old (about to turn 10) I changed schools to a mixed one, and I met this girl called Johanna, and was the first time I had interest in the opposite sex, and yes when she was not paying attention to me I used tease her, I threw at her small balls of paper to her hair, I messed her hair, I hided her pencils, erasers, I called her names, and once or twice I made her cry (that did not felt good). She also did things to me like hiding my backpack, and sprayed me with a little perfume she had.

One day her mother complained to the principal, they called me to the principal's office, I kind of explained and accepted some of things I had done, In the same week they called my parents explained what happened, and my father questioned me about the incidents, I remember that i did not wanted to tell my mother that I liked this girl, my father gave me a speech on how to treat women.

My father is doctor with private practice, so her mother get the phone of my house, and apparently there was a nasty fight between her mother and mine, and my father forbid me to even talk to this girl, at school they give us permission to sit in different places (at school they sat students according to their last name, and hers and mine have the same first leter).

and I stopped talking to her (at that time I was really obedient of my father orders), but she keep trying to talk to me, I told her I could not speak to her anymore because she accused me, she told me she didn't , that her mother found her notebook and began to ask about it (I used draw things in her notebooks), I keep ignoring her, until one day she was discussing with a friend of mine about something (I really don't remember about what, something childish I guess) and they asked me what I thought, I told them i didn't know and didn't care, she told me something else, again I told her I didn't care, and then she slaped me (mi first slap, 4 years prior to my first kiss lol), this time a teacher saw the slap, big problem because was physical violence, they took us with the principal, parents involved again, school changed her to another group, it was really a unfortunate set of events.

anyway, where I am going with all of this rambling , I don't think he is bullying her in the sense of ridiculing her or enjoying with others putting her down, this seems obvious as he get excited to see her, and for his reaction at the choir it seems he have talked to their parents about your daugther in a positive light. 

Probably, he have a crush on her and his way to deal with it, is incorrect.

If you find necessary to talk with this kid's parents, do it as amicable as posible, explaining that he maybe is trying to be friends with your daughter with the wrong attitude, and you can mention some of the incidents. But I advise to try to avoid a negative confrontation.

In my case it was really unconfortable that everybody in our class ended knowing that our parents were in bad terms, and it was as if the others kids were expecting for us (this girl and me) to fight at every noment, and the class kids were having fun taking sides and creating rumors which made things even more unconfortable.


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## diwali123

There's no point in a confrontation. 
I don't care why he was bullying her. Females don't exist for the entertainment and enjoyment of males: she's in school to learn, not to be the object of some boy's obsession. 
It's sad that boys grow up thinking that girls exist just to be pretty little objects for their attention or disapproval, and when females don't act like the pretty little angels they want them to be they react with anger and violence.


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## Rebfjecca

Maybe your volunteering would help.


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