# Respecting your Spouse



## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I firmly believe that if we, as a society, did a better job at respecting our husbands and wives there would be a decrease in divorce and an increase in love. In fact, respect and love are very closely related. Respect means to honor or esteem. Demonstrating respect and love is one of the ways that couples can overcome selfishness in their marriage. Selfishness is at the root of almost every problem related to marital dysfunction. 

Learning how to respect someone who has different opinions, beliefs, and feelings can be a difficult task. The French Philosopher Voltaire once said, “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.” Every human being has a right to their own thoughts and opinions. This should especially be true within a marriage.

When a husband disrespects his wife (and vice versa), he is essentially regarding her as ordinary. He fails to recognize her for her infinite and divine worth. He fails to recognize her contributions to the marriage and the family. A woman who disrespects her husband fails to believe that he can make a difference in their family. She fails to recognize his divine goodness. Disrespecting one’s spouse is regarding that person as ordinary. In reality, there are no ordinary people (As discussed by CS Lewis in his book from his book _The Weight of Glory_). 

In my practice, I have often witnessed when one will squash the ideas of their spouse simply because that way of thinking is different than their own. If their spouse is saying something with which they don’t agree, they will immediately argue, defend, or shut down. They often feel that if they listen to and respect their spouse that they are condoning those same thoughts. Realistically, respecting your spouse is not the same as agreeing with him or her. It is allowing them the right to express themselves, as noted by Voltaire. It is listening, and giving them time to voice their opinions. Not allowing your spouse to express him or herself can be considered a form of verbal abuse. 

Recognize your spouse for what they are worth. She is the mother of your children. He is the protector of your family. She is your wife. He is your husband. Both are children of God.

Originally posted at Improve My Marriage: Respecting Your Spouse


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Very well said. This is something I want to work on, personally. It's just too easy to "mirror back" disrepectful behavior, and much harder to be the leader and show respect and hope it rubs off on your partner. 

What are some easy ways to show respect for your spouse?


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

My wife doesn't harp on me when I make a mistake (which happens often). And then if I do make a mistake and I am unaware of it, my wife will calmly talk to me once about the issue and then allow me to right the wrongs I did. That is what respect looks like to me.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Expressing appreation for what they do for you and your family on a regular basis.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Riverside MFT said:


> In my practice, I have often witnessed when one will squash the ideas of their spouse simply because that way of thinking is different than their own. If their spouse is saying something with which they don’t agree, they will immediately argue, defend, or shut down. They often feel that if they listen to and respect their spouse that they are condoning those same thoughts. Realistically, respecting your spouse is not the same as agreeing with him or her. It is allowing them the right to express themselves, as noted by Voltaire. It is listening, and giving them time to voice their opinions. Not allowing your spouse to express him or herself can be considered a form of verbal abuse.


 Love this - Never heard that expressed as "verbal abuse" before - but I agree !! I absolutely adore Voltaire! Once my Pastor used him in a sermon and put him in a bad light, I wanted to go shake him. 

But anyway. Yeah, so true, we have to be a careful listener & allow each other to BE who we are, state how we personally feel, no matter what. Me & my husband have completely opposite temperments, I do not always think like him, , he does not always think like me. I am more assertive, I can be a littel demanding at times, the go getter, he is more passive, sometimes a procrastinator even. This BUGS me at times, but I have come to learn ......"This is who he is" and how to work with it, respect it , accept him wholey, and well, him being the way he is -has enabled him to have ALOT of patience with me (thankfully) so those things that drive me a little batty at times is also very beneficial to our marrage ..... for him to put up with some of my more irritating traits. We balance each other. 

It does help tremendously if you have similar goals, dreams, beliefs & ideals though. Something to make sure of during those dating years.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

....Respect, love, patience and grace. It might sound like the title of a Foofighters album, but I think these things are so important in a marriage. I think part of respecting your spouse is also recognizing what is important to them. Respect can be shown through actions and it can often be in the little things that when compiled, help build a more solid foundation. We can also lead by example with the type of behavior we expect.

I remember you had another thread about going to bed at the same time. As a reformed night owl, I now see this as a way to show respect to my marriage. To me, being considerate in various aspects for the good of our marriage is showing respect to the marriage.


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