# Did I handle this badly?



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Our eldest son has an xg/f who is probably BPD. They have a daughter who is 7, and both of them have just turned 25. Our eldest son lives with us and the xgf (J) and daughter (A) live in a tiny country town where my parents also live.

We have tried for years to model 'normal' family behaviour to J because her family is anything but normal. We also put up with her strange and frustrating ways because we wanted access to our granddaughter.

There is not a person who has had dealing with J that after a month or so cannot take being around her any longer. J recently moved to the small town my parents live in and my mother thought that she and her friends (devout Christians) would be able to help J. Now they all want nothing more to do with her, like everyone else who has contact with J, they feel like they are going crazy.

I agreed to let her stay here one night as my parents were bringing her down to catch a train the next day to her father's for Christmas. We had had the grandchild for 10 days prior to that. During that time, she managed to annoy everyone in the house, without fail, but the last thing she did was what pushed me over the edge.

She wanted a guinea pig for A, to replace two that had been eaten by her dogs. We all told her to buy one when she was back home again. Well, not long before we had to leave to take her to the train, she and A caught a bus to the shops and came back 5 minutes before we had to go with a guinea pig, A was clutching it happily. Of course the guinea pig could not go on the train, it had to stay here. We have 3 cats and a dog who all think guinea pigs are dinner. I was so angry. A was crying about being dragged away from her pet that she just got.

On the way to train station I could not hold back 8 years of frustration any longer. I asked her if she EVER thought about anyone else other than herself before she made decisions, that nobody else on the planet could piss me off like she does and if she ever asks me anything again using my son as a conduit it will be an automatic no. I was not yelling, but I was firm.

When I dropped them at the train station she was teary, but a couple of hours later when our son called her to see if she had arrived ok, she had turned it around to suggest that we did not want A to have a pet and that we were all mean spirited.

I kind of feel bad about making her cry, but she pushed me over the edge. There is so much more to her behaviour than what I have mentioned here, she ticks nearly every box for extreme BPD and I have concluded she cannot be helped at this time as everything that happens is someone else's fault.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Just as an extra, she is taking medication for bi-polar, but it does not help.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

BPD can only mimic feelings in my experience. They do not hold the true feelings you and I have. 

If what you said made you feel better, then it was good to get it off your chest. I can assure you though that she will not change and will continue to do things to annoy anyone. 

Recommend reading In sheeps clothing. It is about manipulative personalities and how to respond. 

My mother was BPD and had histrionic tendencies. It has to be all about them. If not they make it all about them. 

Don't play ball, put it down. Once you do she will move on.


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